# sp/sx and sx/so



## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

Does anyone have experience or know much about this dynamic? Does it work or is it doomed to fail? I've heard the two types are drawn to each other because their sx is similar, but I don't know how well it'd work in the long term. Their energy doesn't match, but they would probably learn the most from each other?

Plz share your thoughts or experiences!


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

I'm a 5w6 sp and I have a long history of failed relationships


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

Lol, with sx/so or just in general? Tell me more @Vinniebob


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## ponpiri (Apr 30, 2017)

assertive sx/so no thank you. insecure sx/so double no thank you

both sex addicts, in my face, demanding attention via guilt tripping (the insecure one), jealously power plays, etc

What I learned is what I didn't want.

5w4 sp/sx and I wouldn't say I have a long history of failed relationships. More like a long history of becoming bored, irritated and disconnected very easily with a couple of nice relationships in between.

The push and pull is too much and the near-constant need for the other to be "one" with me was terrifying. Find yourself another way and leave me out of it.


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Sx/so male here.

The women I've had unhealthy infatuations (in the past) with seem to be sp/sx.

They seem to be the alpha females that have (in the past) dominate my mind, and that in some way I want their approval. As a man, it's not a good thing.

Like the poster said above, I am a so called 'sex addict'. I think I prefer a less sexual woman, who appreciates my passion.

The girls that I have had healthier things with in the past have been sp/so or so/sp, I think.

What do other sx/so think? What do you feel is your ideal type? I'd be really interested to hear.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Aldys said:


> Lol, with sx/so or just in general? Tell me more @Vinniebob


add in I'm INTJ
but alas I crave my privacy too much
I just can't live with anyone
tis a life of solitude I seek


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

The dynamic is quite a challenge.
Yet every human realtionship is a challenge.

It is much harder for the sp/sx to bear than the sx/so.
As the sx/so have the sp/sx insecure element in the blindspot.
While the sx/so will have a partner that is secure where they are insecure
I'd say that sp/sx should look for an sx/sp partner and an sx/so should look for and so/sx.
Dealing with people that have your insecure element in the blindspot is a pain most of the time.
They will constantly put you in a compromising position.
In other words you will feel that they are a threat to your survival.
That is a bad foundation for a relationship.
Having a complementary setup will on the other hand, make one feel that the other can be trusted.
One will be motivated to take part in the others endeavors, as one isn't alienated by the strategy.
Ones security in the others insecurity will act as a calming influence.

That being said, there is a lot more to relationships than the instinctual types.
It is something to keep in mind, but not something that should be the only thing to consider.


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## Gorgon (Feb 16, 2015)

I actually think there is good potential for this coupling. Since they’re both contraflow (if you buy into that theory), they have a similar disposition and outlook in a lot of ways. Sure, it’ll be challenge since one is so-last and the other is sp-last, but if done right, they can cover for each other’s blind spots. Personally, I’ve never dated a sx/so, but I’m drawn to their energy. I’ve dated two so/sx people, and while I still hold them dear to my heart, I connect easier with the contraflow outlook (but I love me sx/sp though). Of course there’s more to relationships than just instinct stacking.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Gorgon said:


> I actually think there is good potential for this coupling. Since they’re both contraflow (if you buy into that theory), they have a similar disposition and outlook in a lot of ways. Sure, it’ll be challenge since one is so-last and the other is sp-last, but if done right, they can cover for each other’s blind spots. Personally, I’ve never dated a sx/so, but I’m drawn to their energy. I’ve dated two so/sx people, and while I still hold them dear to my heart, I connect easier with the contraflow outlook (but I love me sx/sp though). Of course there’s more to relationships than just instinct stacking.


I'm glad you brought that up.
The problem with the contraflow/flow is that it is an abstraction of an abstraction.
It is a pattern that is derived from theoretically tinkering with an already abstract framework.
Hence it is two steps removed from reality.
It is a valid observaton on some level, yet it is quite a challenge to take something like that,
and apply it back to reality, as you have two degrees of seperation.
You then need to reverse engineer applications that takes advantage of those insights.
In other words you need to create some sort of structure that use the principles it points at.
This is totally doable, but certainly will become very syntetic, 
and will require you to keep your eye on the ball.
You have to build shields from the downsides and arenas to harnes the upsides.
This is usually way outside of most peoples capabilities.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

The only sx/so I know, for sure is Mr. Meepers. I never got to know anyone that I'm sure is sx/so...idk if the Meepster is anything irl like he is on here. I don't really know him, I just kinda know his online persona. But if he's like that in real life...I'd find it a bit overwhelming at times. He comes across as very social, he flirts with a lot of people, or will at least come across as flirting because he's so emotionally expressive. As a friend someone like that would be wonderful...someone ready with a word of comfort and a hug whenever you feel down. I guess in a relationship that would be nice as well. I think I tend to prefer men, romantically, who have so in their stacking, because I lack so, but I love people. 

In my experience, however, I haven't had many lasting relationships at all. I think because I pick the wrong men, because I have issues lol


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Red Magician said:


> I'd say that sp/sx should look for an sx/sp partner and an sx/so should look for and so/sx.
> .


Sx/so looking for so/sx? I don't think so.
I would think an sx/so would be attracted to someone with sp in their stacking


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

rohan89 said:


> Sx/so looking for so/sx? I don't think so.
> I would think an sx/so would be attracted to someone with sp in their stacking


It was a rational judgment call.
Sure, I'm not denying the possibility of attraction.
People get attracted to the wrong people all the time,
so that is a poor argument on its own.
Why are you believing that this is the right thing?
Are you all-in in such a relationship yourself?


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## Lord Bullingdon (Aug 9, 2014)

In some ways, I'm inclined to say No. Meaning, type and instincts matter less than the willingness of the individuals to support each other and make things work. In other ways...well, I've seen relationships go bad over grudges one party holds against another's instinctual needs.

I've got two cases to share.

CASE ONE:

* *




I'm working on a court case right now regarding two parties who might be of this stacking.

One was certifiably 6w5 sx/soc. The other I think is likely to be sp/sx (sp is a definite, and she seems to be soc-last, but she is a 2 and that could be obscuring matters). They were married and divorced, the 6w5 sx/soc ex-husband died and now there's a big dispute about it.

Without going into enormous depths, the sp/sx wife felt that the sx/soc husband was aggressive, violent, and suspicious. She claimed he was prone to intense passions, and a womanizer who always suspected her of cheating (pot meet kettle). She would ask her spiritual adviser about how to cope; she honestly believed he was insane. The whole thing is where it is now, because she's claiming she was too afraid to ask for a divorce settlement at the time.

The sx/soc saw her as obsessed with luxury and constantly expecting more money than he was realistically able to provide. He saw her as a pampered, spoiled, hyper-materialistic princess who created drama for others around her (and I can attest to the drama). He insulted her desirability, she insulted his inability to maintain stability.

Obviously enneatype played into their relationship to, as well as immaturity and lower health levels, but in reading the case over, I kept feeling that a core resentment between one another came from the sp/sx 2 thinking that the sx/soc 6 was invasive with his violently over-the-top passions and possessive control, and the sx/soc guy thinking that the sp/sx wife had an unhealthy focus on money, acquisition, brand-name comfort, and herself.

What initially attracted them was that he was desperately lonely in his new job because his entire well-being depended on him finding THE ONE. And she wanted the material advantage of marrying a US national for the passport, and maybe passing grades in his classes, and knew how to cater to his sensibilities to get there.

I'm not saying all sx/soc - sp/sx relationships are founded on cyncism like this, but that you can clearly see the dynamic playing out, particularly with her sp. I suppose it's similar to the reasons you suggest in the OP.




CASE TWO:

* *




A second case example would be a sp/sx mother and a sx/soc daughter I have observed (these stackings are fairly definite). The daughter is currently in dispute with the mother for reasons I'll touch on shortly; here are a couple of dynamics.

The mother feels that the daughter is too voluably passionate and creates drama. The daughter feels that the mother is confining in her outlook and didn't introduce her enough to "the world". She feels hurt sometimes when, after pouring her heart out, the mother switches topics to a practical nature. And the mother feels that the daughter can be suffocating with her presence.

Without going into great detail, they separated because the mother essentially ignored the daughter at a critical juncture in the daughter's life, and the daughter perceived that the mother was supposed to be there for her--people who are as close as they were tend to check in on each other and stand by them and share the suffering to keep the union whole. 

The mother feels that that's all very well and good, but her own financial resources were the priority here, and tending to the basics of life took precidence. In short, the rift was between values--the dependence on practical material needs, and the dependence on one other tight relationship with an intimate.

Again, I think there were other elements to this, but the sp-needs of the mother were clearly a major factor.

I can attest that prior to this, they got along. The sx/soc daughter appreciated her sp/sx mother's ability to establish routines and do the daily tasks that got the family by. The mother likewise appreciated the daughter's ability to add interest, fire, idiosyncracy and creativity to daily life...as well as always sharing everything and keeping the mother informed. Prior, there was no major issue with the relationship; there was a tight bond between them that didn't exist between the other (often sx-last) members of the family.




Anyway, I'd say that that a neurotic instinctual stacking can actually be responsible for much of the rockiness found in some relationships. Obviously, there's a lot more to it than that--and probably PerC folks can find me cases of relationships that were absolutely unlike these I shared here.

It does seem that a common theme is that sp/sx may be attracted to sx-first, but ultimately feels they're "too much" and "too dramatic" in some way and may start building walls against it. Sx/soc tends to look down on the practical necessities as contemptible, somehow getting in the way of a proper relationship, and they remain cynical towards those motivated by it.


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

Red Magician said:


> It was a rational judgment call.
> Sure, I'm not denying the possibility of attraction.
> People get attracted to the wrong people all the time,
> so that is a poor argument on its own.
> ...


Well apparently sx/so fares best with sp/sx and their second best match is so/sx. I imagine this is because they'd benefit the most from each other. While sx/so may not value sp and sp/sx may not value so, they both need it to some degree to survive. The only concern I'd have is that the relationship may stagnate.


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## RexMaximus (Jun 29, 2016)

Aldys said:


> Well apparently sx/so fares best with sp/sx and their second best match is so/sx. I imagine this is because they'd benefit the most from each other. While sx/so may not value sp and sp/sx may not value so, they both need it to some degree to survive. The only concern I'd have is that the relationship may stagnate.


Where’d you find that they’re the best matches for each other? Not disagreeing, just curious. I’m sp/sx and usually find sx/so alluring, but I can definitely see how an sp blind partner would drive me nuts, particularly if they didn’t have their shit together.


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## ponpiri (Apr 30, 2017)

Aldys said:


> Well apparently sx/so fares best with sp/sx and their second best match is so/sx. I imagine this is because they'd benefit the most from each other. While sx/so may not value sp and sp/sx may not value so, they both need it to some degree to survive. The only concern I'd have is that the relationship may stagnate.


benefit how


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

RexMaximus said:


> Where’d you find that they’re the best matches for each other? Not disagreeing, just curious. I’m sp/sx and usually find sx/so alluring, but I can definitely see how an sp blind partner would drive me nuts, particularly if they didn’t have their shit together.


https://typevolution.wordpress.com/2016/08/28/ranking-of-instinctual-matches-in-romance/

I was reading about it on here. Unsure of its validity, but I could understand how it could work.


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

ponpiri said:


> benefit how


By strengthening your blind spot. At least if that's what you're looking for.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Aldys said:


> Well apparently sx/so fares best with sp/sx and their second best match is so/sx. I imagine this is because they'd benefit the most from each other. While sx/so may not value sp and sp/sx may not value so, they both need it to some degree to survive. The only concern I'd have is that the relationship may stagnate.


Well maybe, I mean anything is possible apparently.
In my expreience it doesn't work out all that well.
But, I'm an INTJ and a realtionship pessimist.
I don't have high hopes for any relationship.


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

Red Magician said:


> Well maybe, I mean anything is possible apparently.
> In my expreience it doesn't work out all that well.
> But, I'm an INTJ and a realtionship pessimist.
> I don't have high hopes for any relationship.


Yeah, I think it just depends on what you're looking for. I'm a positivist and only fall into negativist attitudes when I become isolated. As a sp/sx, I'm very drawn to sx/so because they're exciting and fun and despite the fact that they could kill me, for some reason I don't even care when I'm around them. But my goddamn sp makes me hold back from some of the crazy shit they're into, even though I'd like to let go.


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