# INFJ and INFP Relationship Needs Help



## Evade (Oct 25, 2012)

Hi, I'm an INFJ. My friend is an INFP. 

I'm posting this because I get in a lot of arguments with my friend and I don't know if I should still be friends with him anymore. He also just really annoys me too.

I feel like most arguments start because I innocently give my opinion on something and his insecurity kicks in, which causes him to take offense to what I said and react aggressively. 

I don't know why he annoys me though, I think it may be because he's always coming up with random crap that he thinks is funny that I don't think is funny. Then I'm apparently "dumb" if I can't see the humor in something he sees funny. 

Lastly, he likes to think of everything as a fun game. He thinks it would be more fun if we take the fork in the road that's the least taken. Then when we do that, we end up getting in some sort of trouble because we were in an unauthorized area. (Has happened numerous times. NUMEROUS times.) The worst part about it is I also have ENFP friends that just enable that behavior and vice-versa. 

Example ---
ENFP1: Aww there's so many people!
INFP: Yeah, we'll have to go arou... wait look!
ENFP: ?
INFJ: ?
INFP: We can just cut through here! Then we won't have to go around!
ENFP: Oh yeah let's do it!
INFJ: Guys, we should just go around, there's probably no way out and we'll just get yelled at anyway.
ENFP2: Oh come on! It's just a shortcut! No one cares.
INFP: Yeah, INFJ, who cares if we go through here, no one will even see us.
INFJ: I care because it's a stupid-a** decision.
ENFP1: (Walks in the direction of the shortcut without thought.)
ENFP2: (Follows aimlessly.)
INFP: Come on INFJ. Just come with us, it's faster.
INFJ: You guys are f***ing idiots. Who cares if it's faster, I'd rather be safe than sorry. Plus I don't even care about getting there faster. 
INFP: (Starts walking through the shortcut.)
INFJ: (Follows because he doesn't want to walk around alone.)
Guy: What are you kids doing back here? You aren't allowed here. Leave the (Area) now. (I said area because I don't want to say where we were.)
INFJ: (Thinks to self - Good job morons.)
INFP: Who cares anyway INFJ, it wasn't that bad.
ENFP2: Yeah INFJ, that was fun.
INFJ: (-_-)

Please help me because there's 1% of me that actually likes this person. I feel like if he just changes his behavior, we'd be better friends.

Additionally: I'm bad with wording stuff because I have a limited vocabulary. I'd have a better time responding to questions rather than giving out every bit of information, so if you have a question I'll gladly answer it.


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## Cross (Sep 9, 2012)

Well, aside from the fact that your cognitive functions will clash against theirs and might end up draining you, you may still stay very good friends with him (as well as the ENFP's if you so wish).

Why do you want to stay friends with him (INFP) if it pains you that he gets you into trouble all the time? (I'm just wondering about this and we can continue from there) What do you want out of this friendship you have with the guy?

I am not sure if this advice would count, but I have this thought: taking time away from him will help you deal with the friendship better. I don't know about you, but as an INFJ... I always have these drives to go out and meet people. It's apparently evident that I'm quite impulsive in nature in my Enneagram (6w7). I always end up draining myself and hating myself and everything else later on, and yet I keep repeating the process. 

I don't suddenly smash relationships though when I'm tired, but there is always the chance that I can instantly ruin a friendship when I feel drained and tired, much to the surprise of my friend, who becomes the victim of my lashing out. I found that taking time out from relationships when I feel I'm going to get pissed off, tired, or anything else I feel undesirable, helps me maintain the constancy and balance.


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## Evade (Oct 25, 2012)

Answer to Question 1: It's because we have a lot in common and I enjoy being around him when he's not doing "stupid" things.
Answer to Question 2: I just want him and me to stop arguing all of the time and just enjoy what we're doing together.

What you said about taking time away is a brilliant idea. I know what you mean when you get "drained of energy" because I used to hang out with my friends all week, then take the weekends off because I felt the same way you did. (Drained.)

Usually when I take time off from being with people makes it harder for me to want to see them again, but you're right when you say taking time off gives me time to "get away" from the people that annoy me. Then when I decide to see them again I feel refreshed and I'm actually excited to want to hang out with them again. 

Also I was told I was Enneagram Type One, if that means anything to you. Thank you though for making it clear to me that I shouldn't end this relationship, I should just take some time off.


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## Cross (Sep 9, 2012)

Evade said:


> Also I was told I was Enneagram Type One, if that means anything to you. Thank you though for making it clear to me that I shouldn't end this relationship, I should just take some time off.


Yeah! That one's something all introverts share, and INFJ's should especially be aware of that. Depending on what a person thinks, believes, and their morals... an INFJ may have a tendency to seek out others due to our second function: Extraverted Intuition, but we must also remember we're introverts by nature. We just need to balance things out. 

I was so upset with someone too because I ended up drained of energy from just 1 day of hanging out, but I didn't say a word. I just went home, enjoyed my solitude and did chores, and now I'm excited to see them again. It's funny how this turns out for us.


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## Evade (Oct 25, 2012)

> I was so upset with someone too because I ended up drained of energy from just 1 day of hanging out, but I didn't say a word. I just went home, enjoyed my solitude and did chores, and now I'm excited to see them again. It's funny how this turns out for us.


I know EXACTLY how that feels. It's great to finally meet someone like me!


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## unspokendeeplyunderstood (May 3, 2011)

Well im i n an actual relationship with an infp altho the agruements do get silly and annoying, i feel we know a deeper lvl of understanding in each other we both consider sacred. Soo while she might get all sensitive and take my everyword to heart and i might be "insensitive" after a long day merly trying to brush everything off while i center myself. We still end up coming bak to the importantance of why we became close.. I agree totally its not easy at times, yet honestly the people i find myself arguing with the most are ones i most deeply care for.. Ill add more later.. 

Just chill back to a few fav songs. You get in a better mood.. With infps i find being centerd is the best way to keep the peace.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Evade said:


> Please help me because there's 1% of me that actually likes this person. I feel like if he just changes his behavior, we'd be better friends.


Ain't gonna happen. 

If you get an INFP to behave different, all you've succeeded in doing is making them think they're a caged bird... at which point they'll inevitably explode and radically change the situation, distancing themselves from you, the cage.


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