# Are ISFPs self centered?



## Miss Scarlet (Jul 26, 2010)

I think that ISFP can be super selfish and self centered, however those are the ones that have only ever worked on their Fi. The ones that have all 4 of their CN's pretty strong aren't really bad at all. So I would work on your other CN's. Don't let Fi do all the work.


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## Anna Pace (Apr 1, 2012)

getting caught up in own little world causes you to be this way


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

As a kid I've been called 'selfish' and 'self-centered' by my parents, though in retrospect I recognize now that they might have said it out of frustration/exasperation, but back then I had no concept of that. At that time, I thought if anyone said anything like that to me it must be because I was really like that or because I have done something to deserve it (lol yeah it's ironic, but I was just a kid whaddya expect), but i remember it really hurting me and because I had no idea what I did to deserve that. Well, I actually had some idea now that I had years to mull over it, but I thought that's just me...being myself.

But because I had no idea why, I went on to collaterally eliminate all the kind of behaviours that I can conceive of being considered as selfish or self-centered because I didn't want to be called that EVER AGAIN. This means I went along to get along, being so accommodative to the point of being a pushover, letting people push me around, never voiced any displeasure, never stood up for myself or to others when they are being dicks to me...even to the point of denying that I even have a voice. 

Which I realized eventually is a totally wrong way to go about not being selfish or self centered. Paradoxically, this is the kind of behaviour that destroyed many of my relationships due to my built-up resentment towards them from doing the things that they want but I don't (because I didn't think I'm allowed to put my foot down and say no because I was so deathly afraid of being called selfish or whatever), or putting up with behaviours that I'm unhappy with, due to my belief that I'm unable to tell them that I'm unhappy about some aspects of the relationship and want them to change (I didn't want any kind of grief or resistance from them or them to turn it back on me and accuse me of 'not loving them as who they are', and to me it's easier to just go 'whatever' ), which eventually killed any feelings I have for them.

any..way...


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## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

Eh, I don't consider them selfish. ISFP's have good empathy too. I would say they are _ possessive_. In a nonbearing way. If they give you something, or do something, they have a "Just to let you know, I'm the one who _did it_" type attitude. I think everyone seeks recognition and acceptance in some type of way, just one of the way isfp's do it I think.


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## Dementor (Sep 18, 2011)

[No message]


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## TheGirlWithTheCurls (Feb 2, 2012)

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## Dementor (Sep 18, 2011)

Dude, don't bother to answer if you can't answer the question


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

So we take everything that happen from our own central point of view.
What is bad with that? 
Well it defiles someone else decentralized point of view!!!

You could do the meta approach and pretend that your info is best for the world from our ivory tower up above.
Or you can do the external approach and always check what others point of view is.
You can even decide on appearances.
No matter how you view stuff you have to take a point of view.
And that will colour your actions and thoughts.

Since no point of view is inherently better or worse than any other.
The labelling of other types as selfish or other negative labels, is really a value judgement.
It stems from seeing that the other hasn't considered your favourite point of view before taking action.
To expect them to take your point of view is actually very controlling.
You expect another to think and act like you.
Every time you negatively label someone else you are trying to make them feel bad so they will conform
to your expectations, to conform with the point of view you favour.
You have made yourself a wannabe dictator of views.
You push others buttons and manipulate to get your way.
But that is only how you appear from a central point of view though.
In another point of view you are a saint saving the ignorant.

My stance right now is that these points of views are unbridgeable, you can compromise,
but no party will ever be content with that. Since you are the only person outside of forums like these (mostly)
that even get that there are different types, you can't expect cooperation in finding smooth workable compromises even.
Mostly the others you meet who don't share your approach will try to "hunt you down and fry you on the campfire" 
for your own good of course.
Any person who try to compromise in real life too much, will end up miserable due to the opposition
thinking that what is worst for you is best for you.
In my world there is only stalemates, victories and losses. This may seem a bleak outlook to take,
but then again I've been trough quite a lot of inner pain in my time.
Others may give you more positive metaphors that embody the same thing.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

@Sneakscope

Friendly advice!
*Find your own type!* (Since you don't have any type set. I assume you aren’t sure)
Then worry about the other party when you know exactly why her and your perspective clashes cognitively.
The first step in dealing with the outer world always starts in the mirror.


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

Isn't everyone self-centered? 

Our motivations and actions are driven primarily by our desire to satisfy our egos right? Even the most "selfless" person is doing it to satisfy his or her desire to serve others.


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## Type B (Nov 9, 2011)

[No message]


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## Dark NiTe (Mar 5, 2012)

Yes...and no. If there is such a strong correlation, it is most likely function-related. And, IMHO, the "self-centeredness" that ISFPs are known for is not so much a negative thing that they choose to be, but rather just something that is a part of their constitution. I'll be completely honest. With the ISFP I was recently in love with, the one thing that killed things off moreso than anything else, was her self-centeredness. I found myself being punished because she needed everything to be on her terms, on her time, on her whim. She saw "I'm sorry that I'm an introverted judger who doesn't use Fe, and needed to analyze your behavior, and THEN make a move" as rejection, and then the "what about MY feelings (fuck yours)?" behavior always followed, followed by the famous retreat to, selfishly, leave me wondering if that was it, sometimes for WEEKS at a time. All the while, I was being open, but being treated like a supervillain...because of how I am, and having nothing to do with effort or even appreciating her feelings. A lack of trying to understand/compassion is what drives two people apart, and also not being open with your own feelings. It probably comes down to maturity level, and wisdom. Somebody who has dealt with this would obviously have to make changes to their own behavior; while it is important that we accept others as who they are, it is also necessary that we make small adjustments of our own to fit with another more completely like a jigsaw puzzle. xNFPs are quite adept at using their high Fi levels to understand and empathize with other people, and I have yet to meet a single one whom I would ever consider self-centered. So why can't the ISFP behave this way?


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## Dark NiTe (Mar 5, 2012)

Type B said:


> Wow she is selfish. What a spoiled brat. And judging from you saying "she's the one all the boys want", I'm assuming she's really good looking. Do yourself a favor and get out of there when you can. She'll just drift over to some other friend (or look at some guy the right way) and get someone else to take care of her.
> 
> Best of luck!


lol, truth. Several of the ISFPs I've known who come from the "I was against consumerism/materialism/money, before it was cool" clique still have so many traits of a spoiled kid underneath everything, as they walk to the bus stop with their iphone 5 and MBP, or drive their new Prius, on the way to school that is paid for while they've never worked an hour in their life. :crazy:


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## FlightsOfFancy (Dec 30, 2012)

Wrong section FTL?

Seems like an MBTI thread..


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## Dementor (Sep 18, 2011)

[No message]


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Sneakscope said:


> Actually, that is a good advice. I'm an Fi dominant I think, but also tested as Fe, Ni and Ne dom so many times I can't even figure myself out. Depends on the day, it seems.
> 
> And about the other post; of course I'm no better than anyone else, we all have our flaws and problems. I can be a manipulative bastard at times. Actually quite often. But I always have to do something for other people in order to get anything back. Life is about giving and receiving, right?


Forget the tests, they can't tell you anything.
This one you are on your own on, you and the definitions that is.
I have no idea how much you understand of the theory.

Life is about giving and receiving, however in this traumatized culture, a lot of people haven’t gotten that memo.

As for selfish, I think that the Fi+Se combo really gets quite obvious in selfish mode.
It doesn't ping the world for approval and therefore gets quite obvious.
However I see no reason that ISFPs could be unselfish too, to reduce moral behaviour to cognitive functions is really inadequate.
They aren't about content, but about process. What information are noticed and processed and what is rejected and ignored.


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## surgery (Apr 16, 2010)

[No message]


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## Dementor (Sep 18, 2011)

[No message]


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## TheGirlWithTheCurls (Feb 2, 2012)

Sneakscope said:


> Dude, don't bother to answer if you can't answer the question


What I was just saying it cause you randomly just posted a thread onto my thread? But I agree with @Type B.


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## TriggerHappy923 (Dec 8, 2012)

TheGirlWithTheCurls said:


> _I'm an ISFP, and I keep seeing people on this site saying that ISFPs are self centered. _


I have an ISFP friends. She is so so sweet, but she is quite racist... annoyingly racist. I know, weird. The sweetest person you could know, but racist. Guess she's not really all THAT sweet. 

She's very kind hearted, loves children, kind of hippy-like. Flowers, world peace, I love trees, animal activist, and "save the planet" mojo. She can seem selfish at times... but who on earth isn't? I guess I'm more selfish. To me she wears a bright halo over her head... 
she's so silly too, she says she wants to say bad things, she says she says the D-word (Oh my stars!) in her head all the time these past months. Oh yeah, she's Sooooo bad. She makes me feel like a horrible person because she's so good... well except the racism... can't blame her, she's Polish. *sarcasm*


benr3600 said:


> lol, truth. Several of the ISFPs I've known who come from the "I was against consumerism/materialism/money, before it was cool" clique still have so many traits of a spoiled kid underneath everything, as they walk to the bus stop with their iphone 5 and MBP, or drive their new Prius, on the way to school that is paid for while they've never worked an hour in their life. :crazy:


 Yup yup yup, that's my ISTP friend.


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## mjacq (Nov 24, 2021)

I'm just being in close relation with isfp. Some "self centered" things i notice she does :

tell again and again how miserably her life, when I'm also have unfortunate event at almost the same time
have difficulty accepting others input & argument
asking for our help but at the same time not appreciating it when it's contradict her own way (come on, you can't always have you own way. Please see others perspective too, especially when you ASK for their help)

But i also notice some good traits she have :

very understandable about our emotion
observant about our preferences
very generous

I will say every person have their own flaw (including me). If you're honestly try to become a better person, please be more considerate to open your mind and digest others perspective first before giving any response. If you already do this, I think you are the not self centered isfp. And the fact that you are asking this question already become the first step & give me hope that not all isfp is self centered


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