# Which MBTI Type Tries to Change People?



## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

Which type works their hardest to change people they're close to?


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

XXFJ's users, its their game, Fi is accepting, Fe is conforming, and likes all conformity. Thus they're the ones who like to change people make them conform as well.


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## Drea (Apr 13, 2010)

I think all of them. It's just a human thing, you know.


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

Very guilty of this, sometimes my suggestions are welcome, oftentimes they are not.


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## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

MelanieM said:


> Very guilty of this, sometimes my suggestions are welcome, oftentimes they are not.


My boss is an INFJ he does this a lot, he's the king of suggestions. When I first started I was an ENFP, a year later I now test out as an ENFJ. But unlike other types I don't take his suggestions as being pushy, I see him genuinely trying to make things better for me. This is the whole ENFP/INFJ compatability thing. We work well together, and there is a kind flow in our communication. But when I told him I was an ENFP his reply was "Oh, brother that's just great" in a sarcastic tone.


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

FatSpacePenguins said:


> My boss is an INFJ he does this a lot, he's the king of suggestions. When I first started I was an ENFP, a year later I now test out as an ENFJ. But unlike other types I don't take his suggestions as being pushy, I see him genuinely trying to make things better for me. This is the whole ENFP/INFJ compatability thing. We work well together, and there is a kind flow in our communication. But when I told him I was an ENFP his reply was "Oh, brother that's just great" in a sarcastic tone.


One of my dearest oldest friends is an ENFJ, she acted as counselor for me for a very long time. ENFJs are very giving and sincerely care. Their empathy is off the charts, she would understand me so well. She's the one who would always swear I was "psychic", but I'm not...I just see subtle differences and can be a wee bit paranoid. It's funny your boss said that about ENFPs, I've always had this love/hate admiration/disappointment with some of them, but they are great people with amazing charisma. In my experience ENFJs are much better at giving you counsel without saying "you should do this". My type of help can be perceived as annoying, to some or even quite blunt. Need to work on that


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

As for ISFJs, I can so see this, but their intentions are usually good. I think most people have good intent, it may just come out wrong. My stepchildren's grandmother is an ISFJ, sometimes she does or says things I feel as manipulative and that she is not seeing it from anyone else's viewpoint but her own. I have to say though, my kids LOVE and ADORE her. She gives unconditional love and is really a beautiful person. At the same time she is wise yet short sighted at certain things. She always seems to surprise me, and I think I surprise her as well.


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## A_Stah (May 13, 2012)

I'm only 16, and well aware of my inexperience compared to most members of this community. But I'm pretty sure INFJ/ENFJ's take the cake here. Being an INFJ I'm far from conformist, but I do like to rear friends to conform to some of my own attitudes, or I at least hope upon things like that. We're apparently the best counselors and psychs so the whole pedagogue/rehabilitating image resonates here. I do like differentiating wrongs and rights, and ethics, as well as work ethics/effort to fulfill potential, is probably where my standpoint lies in terms of desire for change in people.

In response to @MelanieM , me knows an ISFJ and she's fairly awesome, though fails to notice it completely. Not confrontational in the slightest, fairly timid and doesn't like to speak up. She does address views clearly and concisely though, and is what you would call a workaholic, so she is very principled which does say she might change people. But the way the very weighted 'I' works in her case makes her less out-spoken. She has the perception to know what she wants in individuals people if that makes sense, but isn't as proactive to employ such a thing. I'm not very aware of her cogs, but yeah.

I think INTJs feel a need for change in people too....


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## Darner (Apr 20, 2010)

Drea said:


> I think all of them. It's just a human thing, you know.


I don't know about that ... I'm pretty sure IxTPs don't care about people enough


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## infjish (Jan 21, 2012)

FatSpacePenguins said:


> My boss is an INFJ he does this a lot, he's the king of suggestions. When I first started I was an ENFP, a year later I now test out as an ENFJ. But unlike other types I don't take his suggestions as being pushy, I see him genuinely trying to make things better for me. This is the whole ENFP/INFJ compatability thing. We work well together, and there is a kind flow in our communication. But when I told him I was an ENFP his reply was "Oh, brother that's just great" in a sarcastic tone.



...Being an infj I can only say we mean no harm-we just care and want to bring out the best in people. Personally I love enfp's, Love their energy and enthusiasm-along with the infp, they are my favorite people.


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## infjish (Jan 21, 2012)

Still talking...However, ESFJ's; *"You plan to wear that, You need to do it this way, I can go [ if] we can be back by _____time,"* etc. The *critics and conditions people* is what I call them. Still they can be fun people, when they want to be. I think appearance and behavior is so important to the ESFJ that they can't relax.


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

I don't purposefully try to change anyone; I simply tell them the truth and they have to decide whether or not they take it, as well as what they can take from it. However, because I sometimes repeat myself without realizing it, or because I sometimes see a certain issue worth bringing up again, I can seem like the kind of guy trying to change someone. If I honestly wanted someone to change, I would ask them to, not just make observations and suggestions. I don't expect anyone to listen to my suggestions anyway; I just hand them out when it seems appropriate to point out when something is being done inefficiently.

I believe some INTJs are a bit like that too, but I don't think the ones I've known were willing to keep persisting, which is why I have a harder time believing they would want someone to change since the ones I've had experience with were unwilling to persist; they don't seem to make many observations, and they don't find them important enough to repeat them when necessary. INFPs have been the least expectant of me in the past, and they were the ones more open to my observations (even though only one took any of them to heart); INTPs also want to leave me on my own, but they occasionally seem to emulate my pension for analyzing things, so they're willing to discuss or debate more. One ESTJ I've had experience with has tried their hardest to directly change me (literally pushing me to do certain things or dress a certain way), and I've argued with her a lot. Can't say my experiences have been much better with ISFJs, ISTJs, or ISTPs.

It seems more logical to me to simply care about someone for who they are, since changing them is too risky/costly a business. Just make observations, the occasional suggestion, and let them decide what to do. I like the concept of free will; treating others like objects to be programmed is ridiculous. However, I do like people that incorporate my thinking into theirs every now and then, simply for the fact that it would make them easier to work with.


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Never had an INFJ try to change me. I must know who these INFJ's are!

I don't think it is type related tbh. It depends on how people have grown up and on the person and how they grew up rather than personality type. Not met a type that is strickly controlling. Pretty much all in the same level of needing to control


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

Darner said:


> I'm pretty sure IxTPs don't care about people enough


As an ISTP (or somewhat xxTP) I agree.


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## L'Empereur (Jun 7, 2010)

In my experience, ESFJs. . .


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Any type that seems to disagree with the way you are as a person or wants to "help" you by giving you suggestions on how to better fit their expectations. 

That can be either a positive or negative depending on whether you want such help or advice.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

I don't like this poll because it will probably only result in propagation of stereotypes --- especially because the OP did not take the time to explain what she means by "changing" people. Everyone's answering this based on their personal perception of what the word implies and therefore whatever result this poll will generate will only support their personal perception - as opposed to any form of meaningful consensus. 

There's tons of ways of "changing" people -- what kind of change in another person are you referring to here? Are you talking about trying to change someone's opinions, or personality, or how to behave in a social setting, or to educate them/help them grow -- etc etc --- It's too vague -- and therefore I'm actually very amused at the fact that people have even been able to select a type. 

I actually think the real herd mentality here is being exhibited by forum members themselves when everyone jumped to a conclusion about what change actually is and then immediately selected Fe-doms


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## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

Darner said:


> I don't know about that ... I'm pretty sure IxTPs don't care about people enough


Agreed, they are the worst...lol


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## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

NovaStar said:


> I don't purposefully try to change anyone; I simply tell them the truth and they have to decide whether or not they take it, as well as what they can take from it. However, because I sometimes repeat myself without realizing it, or because I sometimes see a certain issue worth bringing up again, I can seem like the kind of guy trying to change someone. If I honestly wanted someone to change, I would ask them to, not just make observations and suggestions. I don't expect anyone to listen to my suggestions anyway; I just hand them out when it seems appropriate to point out when something is being done inefficiently.
> 
> I believe some INTJs are a bit like that too, but I don't think the ones I've known were willing to keep persisting, which is why I have a harder time believing they would want someone to change since the ones I've had experience with were unwilling to persist; they don't seem to make many observations, and they don't find them important enough to repeat them when necessary. INFPs have been the least expectant of me in the past, and they were the ones more open to my observations (even though only one took any of them to heart); INTPs also want to leave me on my own, but they occasionally seem to emulate my pension for analyzing things, so they're willing to discuss or debate more. One ESTJ I've had experience with has tried their hardest to directly change me (literally pushing me to do certain things or dress a certain way), and I've argued with her a lot. Can't say my experiences have been much better with ISFJs, ISTJs, or ISTPs.
> 
> It seems more logical to me to simply care about someone for who they are, since changing them is too risky/costly a business. Just make observations, the occasional suggestion, and let them decide what to do. I like the concept of free will; treating others like objects to be programmed is ridiculous. However, I do like people that incorporate my thinking into theirs every now and then, simply for the fact that it would make them easier to work with.


Nicely said!


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## Extraverted Delusion (Oct 23, 2011)

Emerson said:


> XXFJ's users, its their game, Fi is accepting, Fe is conforming, and likes all conformity. Thus they're the ones who like to change people make them conform as well.


If Fe is conforming why do tert Fe ENTPs prefer to be avid nonconformists?


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Extraverted Delusion said:


> If Fe is conforming why do tert Fe ENTPs prefer to be avid nonconformists?


Ne/Ti. An ENTP in the grip of Si or in an Ne-Fe loop could potentially become a reluctant / unhappy conformist for a while under the right [or should I say wrong] circumstances --- but will still find unique ways to rebel. 

That said ... pretty much every type is capable of behaving the exact same way under specific conditions --- the variables of which are far too vast to simply attribute to even functions. Each individual has to be analysed as a unique person using MBTI as mere guidelines/blue-prints, not more. I know a lot of people use MBTI as a system of sociological evaluation and in doing so open up a huge can of worms --- JCF is best used when used to analyse each individual as separate from the generalizations. 

The idea behind the generalizations is for them to be used a compass which points one in a direction to look deeper beneath the surface. 

As far as MBTI is concerned, I've observed that people go through several stages based on how much research they do. I've also noticed that there's an inverse relationship between the amount of knowledge one gains in the system and how many stereotypes they ascribe to. The less well-versed, the more inclined to generalize. The more well-versed, the less inclined to generalize.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Extraverted Delusion said:


> If Fe is conforming why do tert Fe ENTPs prefer to be avid nonconformists?


Attention? Still aware of what behaviours would be conforming and what would not. ENTP's for the most part like to go against the grain and that. Avid nononformity is just another way of saying you conform to whatever everyone else doesn't it's the same thing just a different way of doing it. Kind of like Ketchup and katsup.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Jawz said:


> As far as MBTI is concerned, I've observed that people go through several stages based on how much research they do. I've also noticed that there's an inverse relationship between the amount of knowledge one gains in the system and how many stereotypes they ascribe to. The less well-versed, the more inclined to generalize. The more well-versed, the less inclined to generalize.


I made the sweeping generalisation as a result of the thread asking me to make the generalisation. Of course all people attempt to do this, and of course most people conform or try not to regarding their type. However this thread asked for which types. Typology itself is a sweeping generalisation. Comrade if you want to insult my knowledge, please do it to my face (or at least my avatars face...)


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## Allwing (Jul 6, 2011)

I've had two ISFJ boyfriends and both tried to change me. Could just be a coincidence but somehow I doubt it. As the old proverb goes, "What happens once will never happen again, but what happens twice will surely happen a third time."


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Emerson said:


> I made the sweeping generalisation as a result of the thread asking me to make the generalisation. Of course all people attempt to do this, and of course most people conform or try not to regarding their type. However this thread asked for which types. Typology itself is a sweeping generalisation. Comrade if you want to insult my knowledge, please do it to my face (or at least my avatars face...)


I didn't even read your post. I was referring directly to the poll results. 

So --- is this your guilt talking?


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## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

All will try.

FJs: Conform! My way is better.

FPs: Don't conform! Be an individual and accept others.

NTs: Stop being stupid!

I'm generalizing but yeah.


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## Shazbot (Dec 9, 2011)

dejavu said:


> All will try.
> 
> FJs: Conform! My way is better.
> 
> ...


Rather than FJs it's SFJs that may have this mania about changing others. My ENFJ mother actually conformed to my behaviour as I grew up, not the other way around (guess I was lucky).

Oh and as an NT, I wouldn't even bother trying to change people I consider stupid. "Stop pretending to be somewhat intelligent" is more likely to be my kind of statement in that regard. :tongue:


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

EJs
-10char-


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Shazbot said:


> Rather than FJs it's SFJs that may have this mania about changing others. My ENFJ mother actually conformed to my behaviour as I grew up, not the other way around (guess I was lucky).
> 
> Oh and as an NT, I wouldn't even bother trying to change people I consider stupid. "Stop pretending to be somewhat intelligent" is more likely to be my kind of statement in that regard. :tongue:


depends on the FJ, but it's doesn't necessarily have to do with SFJ vs NFJ. some FJs conform, others expect you to conform to them, others do a little bit of both and a small minority does neither.


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## ShadoWolf (Jun 5, 2012)

I think the more sensitive people who think they can change the world are the ones who try to change people, but then they say that they like people just the way they are.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Jawz said:


> I didn't even read your post. I was referring directly to the poll results.
> 
> So --- is this your guilt talking?


Probably, along with tiredness and a crap day. Sorry man.


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## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

Wow, nearly 50% agree that the ESFJ's are the ones who want to change people. I agree my mom is an ESFJ and it literally is all that she does...lol. You cannot have a conversation without her wanting to change something about you. It's not just because she feels it's good advice, in her mind if it makes her happy and thats what she wants YOU to be, then she will nag on you to do it. She can nag on me to change something and it will be something morally out of character for me, but it's because SHE thinks it would be fun. I love her though, but that drives me crazy sometimes.


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