# I feel so bad for INFP guys.



## livicote

Ugh, gender roles today are tough on INFP guys. We're all a victim of gender roles... I know for me, they were ingrained into my subconscious from watching Disney movies when I was young. The women were relatable and delicate while the men were mysterious, strong, and level-headed, and my brain took a hold of these ideas, made some daydreams with 'em, grew older, made some increasingly less family friendly daydreams with 'em, and voila: Even I don't want to date a guy who is too emotional or "feminine." I'm aware that it's wrong, but I can't help what's in my subconscious- and neither can the rest of the world, although I do wish they'd at least realize that their brains ARE capable of tricking them and that gender roles should be worked against, if only for the sake of these poor INFP males. 

I say this because I have been hanging out with an INFP guy recently for whom I have very conflicted feelings. I've always clicked very easily with INFP's and only been bothered by the passive-aggressive ones and the ones who are extremely unassertive. I can see shadows of this in this INFP guy, but they haven't been prevalent yet (correct use of the word prevalent?) so I really like him as a friend, and I am also sexually attracted to him but only physically- there is none of that "personality sexual attraction" of which I am so oddly and strongly capable. In fact, now that I think about it, that IS the only thing that's missing- if he were only a T, poor guy, I'd be on board. I know it really looks like I should be the better person and date him because I know it's the right thing to do, but this personality attraction thing is something I can't fake and I would just end up unhappy, which would hurt him in turn.

Man, I hope we see a lot of change in society's perception of gender roles over the next couple decades because I really do feel awful for sweet guys like him who have it so hard. (People question his sexuality regularly... I can see that he's straight, just feminine, but other people are not so perceptive.)

Anyway, this is really just me procrastinating doing my homework. HEH c:
by the way, that ^ is unedited so if it sucks, forgive me.


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## Cassieopeia

Why would you like him better if he were a Thinker? Then he'd be the same as you. I know there are more to people than types, but I could never date an ISFJ male or female. I just couldn't. I don't want to date a mirror-image of myself. I can only imagine how much it would suck to date someone who is as emotional as I am (and this isn't because of gender roles because I'm pansexual). I like people who have similar interests and a different but complementing personality. His Feeling would complement your Thinking well, honestly. In my opinion, relationships should be about supporting each other and /helping each other to grow/. A Feeler would balance out your Thinking and vice-versa... and that is my two cents worth on that.

On your actual point, I agree that gender roles and stereotypes are just plain stupid. I may have the personality of the stereotypical female as an ISFJ, but I don't play up to the whole role of a woman that seems to exist... at least with older people. I refuse to sit at home and be a dependent housewife and do all of the cleaning and all of the cooking for a male who would have power over me because he'd make the money. I have my own ambitions. I'm going to be a doctor, I'm going to make my own damn money, and I'm going to hold my own.

I agree though. I really do feel empathy for INFP and other Feeling males. My best friend is a male INFP, and he might be degraded for his more feminine qualities. People might question his sexuality, and rightly so, because he's pansexual like I am. However, he can't "come out of the closet" like me, because there's this harshness that exists with males and the way they're "supposed to be". Females who also like females aren't really made fun of much. I think I know why. I think a lot of males feel the need to prove their masculinity for their self-esteem, and, in an attempt to do so, bash the more feminine. What's up with that? Why do they feel the need to prove that they're men? Those men are probably the most insecure of all... so as a result, here, we have that hurtful and ignorant stereotype. People should just be their damn selves and let others be who they are too.


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## livicote

Cassieopeia;bt30287 said:


> Why would you like him better if he were a Thinker? Then he'd be the same as you. I know there are more to people than types, but I could never date an ISFJ male or female. I just couldn't. I don't want to date a mirror-image of myself. I can only imagine how much it would suck to date someone who is as emotional as I am (and this isn't because of gender roles because I'm pansexual). I like people who have similar interests and a different but complementing personality. His Feeling would complement your Thinking well, honestly. In my opinion, relationships should be about supporting each other and /helping each other to grow/. A Feeler would balance out your Thinking and vice-versa... and that is my two cents worth on that.
> 
> On your actual point, I agree that gender roles and stereotypes are just plain stupid. I may have the personality of the stereotypical female as an ISFJ, but I don't play up to the whole role of a woman that seems to exist... at least with older people. I refuse to sit at home and be a dependent housewife and do all of the cleaning and all of the cooking for a male who would have power over me because he'd make the money. I have my own ambitions. I'm going to be a doctor, I'm going to make my own damn money, and I'm going to hold my own.
> 
> I agree though. I really do feel empathy for INFP and other Feeling males. My best friend is a male INFP, and he might be degraded for his more feminine qualities. People might question his sexuality, and rightly so, because he's pansexual like I am. However, he can't "come out of the closet" like me, because there's this harshness that exists with males and the way they're "supposed to be". Females who also like females aren't really made fun of much. I think I know why. I think a lot of males feel the need to prove their masculinity for their self-esteem, and, in an attempt to do so, bash the more feminine. What's up with that? Why do they feel the need to prove that they're men? Those men are probably the most insecure of all... so as a result, here, we have that hurtful and ignorant stereotype. People should just be their damn selves and let others be who they are too.


What I crave above all else in a relationship is understanding and subsequent appreciation. I can't relate to F's because they function so much differently than I do. Those two ways of thinking about relationship dynamics- complementing vs. having-in-common (I am sure there are a million more articulate ways to put that, but I'm at a loss XD) and there are certain things I want to complement me and certain things I want to have in common- to complement me, I want a guy with more energy than I have- probably an Extravert. But we MUST. MUST. MUST have the NT in common. The only other thing I would consider is an ST, but only because they're sexy because he would never understand me and I would feel as alone around him as I do when I'm in school, and I'd never feel that awe that I crave- I crave amazement at someone's intelligence. I have experienced that feeling almost exclusively from other NT's.

That's why I want a T guy.

How the gender roles have to come to be the way they are, I'm not sure, but I'm sure there are loads of articles on it online... It probably has to do with primal sex, and the archetype of stabbing (symbol of assertion) and, well, you can see where that's going. XD All I know is that, however it came about, the standards for men are a) way too high, b) unrealistic, and c) unhealthy. Honestly, I'm glad all I have to deal with is the physical crap, because emotionally, I feel that guys have it way worse. There's honor in overcoming underestimation (women's situation) but shame in being overestimated (men's situation.)


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## jd_

Statistically, INFPS have the 3rd highest IQ's behind INTJ and INTP... food for thought. Stereotyping an entire type based on one or a few people isn't that smart.


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