# How to end it with an emotionally unstable boyfriend?



## katienxo (Apr 27, 2013)

Hi! This is my first time on here. I doubt anyone will actually read this let alone respond but I just need to get this all out there. I've been really torn and confused lately because I just don't know what to do about my relationship. P.s. thanks in advance for reading my sob story haha! Ok so here's the deal... 

I'm a junior in high school and so is my boyfriend.. we've been together nearly two years so you'd think we're just young and naive but we're sort of like a married couple. He has a really messed up family (older brother in an out of rehab who's living at home and constantly getting in physical fights with my boyfriend, dad is an ex drug dealer) who in the past hasn't been supportive of him. Although he has never been mean to me, I can tell he has anger issues by the way he fights with and talks about his brother and dad. Once he got in a severe fight with his dad who is on the verge of physical abuse and he called me and told me he'd rather just be dead and that he was going to try and kill himself ( I think this was a cry for attention because the way he was planning on doing it would clearly not work, thank god). I know he tries and hides his issues from me because he thinks they'll scare me away. I've tried numerous times to talk with him about it but to no avail.

He also has sort of a jealousy issue and it's come to the point where I've lost most of my guy friends because it's just easier not to talk to them than for my boyfriend to feel threatened by them. He's never tried to directly control me or forbid me or anything but I know how he feels. 

With it coming to close to my senior year and getting ready to leave for college, I already know that I don't want to continue the relationship. My grades are a lot higher than his and I know he feels inferior and almost worthless because of it. 

The problem is that I just don't feel the way I did towards him as I did in the beginning. I think he's always been able to sense my hesitations towards the relationship and because of that, he just tries harder to hold onto me. Before I had any doubts about the relationship, we would do the typical teenager-in-love-thing and talk about our future and we even promised we'd get married. I know that in his mind, he thinks he'll never do better than me (totally not true) and so he hangs onto me and constantly tells me how much he loves me, how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, etc. I feel extremely guilty because I let him say these things and I even say them back to him even though I know in my heart that it's not true. 

He's extremely irrational when he's upset and I'm scared of what he might do when we break up. He doesn't have a whole lot of friends or a great family to support him and he's told me before that I'm his only motivation. I know that this is a kind of manipulation but I also know that he's not kidding. I care tremendously about him and I don't want him to spiral downwards and give up trying because of me. I guess it's kind of selfish because I'm really just trying to escape the guilt of what he could possibly do to himself after we break up. 

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated..


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## Violet Wood (Apr 27, 2013)

Hey! 

No, it's not a sob story. We all have points like this in our lives we can relate to! 

I think he needs to build his self confidence a little more, definitely needs more friends. You should not stay with him out of guilt or feeling sorry, that is definitely not a healthy relationship. 
It's also going to wear down on you as a person, and at this point in your life you certainly can't deal with exess stress.

I think he's actually been pretty selfish on the whole, always being emotionally needy and claiming your attention. Sounds a little imature. 

You should break it off. Don't let him intimidate you with threats, or whatever. But how serious do you think he would react to you breaking up with him? It definitely seems pretty difficult!


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## katienxo (Apr 27, 2013)

Violet Wood;bt33553 said:


> Hey!
> 
> No, it's not a sob story. We all have points like this in our lives we can relate to!
> 
> ...



Thanks for your advice! I've decided to definitely do it, I'm just not sure how to break it to him. And I'm not quite sure how seriously he'd take it.. he can be sort of unpredictable when he's upset/angry.


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## LemonKaleidescope (Dec 28, 2012)

I know this was a few months ago, but I am definitely dealing with the same situation...though we did break up a few months ago and i recently decided to give him another shot. i did not realize how emotionally unstable he really was until not...same deal: family issues, lack of support, Im his only motivation. I finally convinced him to get counseling, but i need to tell him its over but im not sure how...it's just really hard because I still care about him, and we would definitely be perfect for eachother if he didnt have issues...he has attempted suiced in the past from an abusive relationship and im so scared...any advise?


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## katienxo (Apr 27, 2013)

LemonKaleidescope;bt34328 said:


> I know this was a few months ago, but I am definitely dealing with the same situation...though we did break up a few months ago and i recently decided to give him another shot. i did not realize how emotionally unstable he really was until not...same deal: family issues, lack of support, Im his only motivation. I finally convinced him to get counseling, but i need to tell him its over but im not sure how...it's just really hard because I still care about him, and we would definitely be perfect for eachother if he didnt have issues...he has attempted suiced in the past from an abusive relationship and im so scared...any advise?


I'm glad I can actually help someone else with this now! Iended things with my now-ex about 2 months ago and I can tell you that it was one of the smartest decisions I've ever made. I know you care about your boyfriend bottom line: if you aren't happy in your relationship, you should end it. First of all, it sounds like he is not at a point in his life where having a girlfriend is healthy- needs to get help for himself and figure out his own life before he wraps someone else into it. It's not fair to you and I'm sure deep down he knows that. 

Even if you two are perfect for each other, right now is not the right time to be with him. Maybe at some point in the future when both of you are at a good place in your own lives, it could work. But you will never get to that point as long as he has his own issues that need to be taken care of. 

I'll be honest, the break up was hard. Even though I tried for a while to make it obvious that our relationship was coming to an end, he was completely blindsided when I actually did it. He kept calling me and texting me and he even convinced me to let him come to my house to just talk about it (bad idea). He just kept asking me why I ended it and what he did wrong and all that I could say was that I was sorry and that deep down I knew it wasn't going to work. He tried really hard to change my mind but from the start I knew I wasn't going to. If you do choose to break up with your boyfriend, you need to make a promise to yourself that you are going to go through with it. He will say _whatever_ he can to try and convince you otherwise but you can't give in. 

If you go through with it, I would say to cut off all communication for at least a few weeks afterwards. He'll probably say that he has no one and he can't lose you and he might even threaten to kill himself. If you think he is capable of hurting himself, call his family and tell them that you're worried about him. If he has a temper and you think he might get violent, end it with him somewhere public or with someone you know nearby. 

Although it was difficult, the choice I made was ultimately the best for both of us. Friends told me that he was really depressed for a while but even in two months I think he's doing substantially better. I promise that actually breaking up with him is the hardest part. It will be really crappy for a few days probably. But it WILL get better! I know I sound corny but I am so much happier now than I was half a year ago. I did have some great times with him, but that's just not worth it if your conscience is telling you it's not right. 

One of my favorite quotes is "It won't be easy, but it will be worth it". You deserve to be happy and it is clear that you aren't. It'll only be worse for both of you the longer you delay it. I wish you the best of luck!


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## LemonKaleidescope (Dec 28, 2012)

thank you so much! that was definitely the mindset I had when I first ended it with him, and now I can feel better that I made the right decision. I actually broke it off with him yesterday and it's been hard...but now i certainly know that it takes more than a few months for someone to change. I'm glad your situation turned out well, and thanks again for replying! We just gotta stay strong


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