# Enneagram Jokes



## MrShatter (Sep 28, 2010)

Any kind of jokes are welcome, I came up with the first, but the rest are from another forum.
Enjoy :laughing:!

What do you call an Enneagram 9 cow?

* *





Lactose n' tolerant :kitteh:




Why is 6 afraid of 7?

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Because he is a 6!




How many 3s does it take to change a lightbulb?

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One, he holds the lightbulb up and the room revolves around him.




Why did the counter-phobic 6 cross the road?

* *





Because she wasn't afraid to!


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

For some reason, looking up "Enneagram Jokes" led me to a good Sp 7 description... and this new resource which I haven't seen posted here:

Enneagram Central - your online Enneagram resource

And to stay on topic:

Stupid Enneagram Jokes


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

These jokes don't really do it for me. They seem to be based in stereotypes.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

LittleB81 said:


> These jokes don't really do it for me. They seem to be based in stereotypes.


"It eight my problem"


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

Spades said:


> For some reason, looking up "Enneagram Jokes" led me to a good Sp 7 description... and this new resource which I haven't seen posted here:
> 
> Enneagram Central - your online Enneagram resource


Thanks for the link, although...


> Intimate Sevens really get into magical thinking. The New Age Movement is permeated with Seven energy and their love of magical thinking (creating just by thinking) shows up everywhere.


I don't dig it. Magical thinking? lmao.

I can't think of any Enneagram jokes that would be funny enough since it's midnight and I have to get up early, sorry


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

MrShatter said:


> How many 3s does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 
> * *
> 
> ...


Hahahahah XD This is sooo true xD


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## mpobrien (Apr 24, 2012)

MrShatter said:


> How many 3s does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 
> * *
> 
> ...


Wait why is this a joke? Isn't that the only way to screw in lightbulbs? :tongue:


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## Wake (Aug 31, 2009)

"I'm too school for cool" - Me


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## Quenjy (Jun 7, 2011)

A 5, a 9 and a 2 go to a golf course, they end up queuing behind 3 men who can't play properly. After 30 minutes the 3 of them are really getting annoyed and decide to call the manager of the golf course, this one comes to them and explains : 
"They are blind but they also donated a lot of money to charity, therefore the city decided to reward them and they are allowed to play for free once in a while"
The 9 and the 2 are both emotionally moved, 
"Sorry, I wasn't aware of it, I feel bad for getting mad a them" says the 9
The 5, however, gets even more nervous :
"Oh come on, why the hell can't they play at night ??"





A 5 is going for a walk in the park, there he meets a good friend who's also a 5 and who's riding a bike.
"[Insert heartwarming hello here], it's a nice bike you've got here ! Where did you get it it's the first time I see it."
"Well you won't believe me, I met Julia and she was riding that bike,she noticed me and came towards me, then it will probably sound strange but she took her clothes off and told me "Take what you want""
"Wait, and you took the bike ????"
"Well, yeah..."
The other 5 thinks for a while and finally says :
"Oh well, I think you made the right choice, her clothes wouldn't have suited you anyway..."


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Quenjy said:


> A 5, a 9 and a 2 go to a golf course, they end up queuing behind 3 men who can't play properly. After 30 minutes the 3 of them are really getting annoyed and decide to call the manager of the golf course, this one comes to them and explains :
> "They are blind but they also donated a lot of money to charity, therefore the city decided to reward them and they are allowed to play for free once in a while"
> The 9 and the 2 are both emotionally moved,
> "Sorry, I wasn't aware of it, I feel bad for getting mad a them" says the 9
> ...



Very funny, although I don't think I would say something like out loud (although I might think it for a moment).


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

*Sevens*

Who they think they are:









Who they really are:


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## paper lilies (Dec 6, 2011)

Oh my gosh @aconite, I just laughed so hard.


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## Impact Calculus (Mar 29, 2012)

Quenjy said:


> A 5, a 9 and a 2 go to a golf course, they end up queuing behind 3 men who can't play properly. After 30 minutes the 3 of them are really getting annoyed and decide to call the manager of the golf course, this one comes to them and explains :
> "They are blind but they also donated a lot of money to charity, therefore the city decided to reward them and they are allowed to play for free once in a while"
> The 9 and the 2 are both emotionally moved,
> "Sorry, I wasn't aware of it, I feel bad for getting mad a them" says the 9
> ...


I'm not sure, the 5's logic just makes too much sense. They're blind, so they wouldn't have any more trouble playing at night.

And I don't even remotely understand the other one...

.. :laughing:


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Why did the 4 not like the nacho chips?

* *




They were too cheesy.




Why did the 1 hate the band 'A Perfect Circle'?

* *




The bands logo isn't even a circle.




Why did the 5 dump his girlfriend when she lost weight?

* *




There wasn't anything left for him to observe.




Why did the 2 cheat on her husband?

* *




She couldn't help herself.




Why are the world's seas so wild?

* *




They are 7.


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## Lotan (Aug 10, 2012)

The types when PerC goes down:

TYPE ONE: I knew it. I knew they should have had a back-up server. I'll start writing my suggestion now and it'll be ready to send by the time it comes back online.
TYPE TWO: It's late and the admins are probably sleeping. I'll just fix it for them.
TYPE THREE: Yes, now is my chance to start a superior enneagram forum!
TYPE FOUR: I bet they took it down just to spite me because they knew it was my day off.
TYPE FIVE: Give me the source code, I'll see what the problem is.
TYPE SIX (PHOBIC): I hope all my posts are safe. What if the forum is down forever? Good thing I made a backup.
TYPE SIX (COUNTER-PHOBIC): I knew this would happen! Oh well, I don't need PerC anyways.
TYPE SEVEN: *refresh* Still down... *refresh* Still down... *refresh* Still down... *refresh* WHY IS IT STILL DOWN??
TYPE EIGHT: If I were in charge, this never would have happened.
TYPE NINE: Calm down! It'll be back up eventually, it's nothing to make a big deal out of.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Why does the social subtype get laid the most?

* *




Because they are So/Sexy




Why is enneagram 3 so often spoken about as having many masks?

* *




They have 3 personalities




What did the 9 say when getting annoyed?

* *




Cut me some slack!


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## Bluity (Nov 12, 2012)

Inguz said:


> Why does the social subtype get laid the most?
> 
> * *
> 
> ...


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## skinnedknuckles (Sep 18, 2014)

I gave my wife a list of yes or no questions to see if she was a type 7. She handed it back to me and said she couldn't choose an answer to the questions unless there were more options. (true story)


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## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

I found a bunch. First off, these mock Enneagram test questions.

Yo Mama, Enneagram-style:


* *





Yo mama's such a One, she can't accept a birthday card from you without pointing out how bad the handwriting in your signature is.

Yo mama's such a Two, she can't swat a fly without demanding that the fly feel grateful that she didn't kill him the slow and painful way with poisonous bug spray.

Yo mama's such a Three, she can't even sleep without finishing a To-Do list in her dreams and boasting about how productive she is every night.

Yo mama's such a Four, she can't cook you dinner without lamenting that nobody could ever understand or appreciate how hard it was to slave over that oven as the food became eternally scarred with the black stains of charcoal awaiting its ultimate fate to be torn apart in your stomach.

Yo mama's such a Five, she can't give you a hug without expounding and speculating on the origins, methods, and meanings of hugs throughout the course of human history and prehistory, all the while forgetting to enjoy the experience of hugging.*

Yo mama's such a Six, you can't throw her a surprise party without her questioning what hidden agenda you had in not telling her - you were trying to give her a heart attack so that you could get your inheritance early, or thinking that she wasn't competent enough to plan her own birthday party.**

Yo mama's such a Seven, she can't even channel surf without also checking the Internet, and the radio, and her voice mail on her cell phone for something potentially more interesting.

Yo mama's such an Eight, she's the only person who can make squirrels get the fuck off the road before they get run over, just by giving them that look...but then she runs them over anyway just because she can.

Yo mama's such a Nine, she refers to "Dante's Inferno" as "Dante's Inferyes."




Some random ones:
Every 8 has the power to make someone happy... by staying single

If you spot a random person at an unspecific location spontaneously combusting into an orgasm, you most likely have an angry Four on your hands.

What's the difference between a 3 and a bag full of crap?

* *





The bag.





How many counterphobic Sixes does it take to change a lightbulb?

* *




"Where is it written that the light bulb needs changing? Who died and made you God? Fuck you!"




How many phobic Sixes does it take to change a lightbulb?

* *




Six.

One to stand there and grumble, "Dammit, I've been telling them for ages this frikkin' bulb was ready to blow, but would they listen to me? Nooooooo! I knew this would happen!" 


One to go get several references on the proper way to change light bulbs (that he already has on hand because he too was sure the damned bulb would blow at some point and wanted to be prepared when it happened).


One to go get a light bulb from her light bulb stash. (She'd stocked up on light bulbs just in case.)


One to screw in the bulb.


One to stand there and tell the one screwing in the bulb to be careful of X, Y, and Z.

One to stand there ready to call 911 in case the one screwing it in gets electrocuted or falls off the ladder. That ladder doesn't look too great. He's been telling them for ages they need to replace that rickety ladder before someone gets hurt.






*Is it weird that I read this then went and googled "why do people hug"? Couldn't get much of an answer beyond hormonal health benefits, but it's still interesting.

**Oh my God my mother's a Six...


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## daniluni (Oct 30, 2014)

mpobrien said:


> Wait why is this a joke? Isn't that the only way to screw in lightbulbs? :tongue:


I tought you made the room shine....without the need of a lightbulb.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

why don't 8s have to worry about getting a girl pregnant?

* *




neanderthal and humans can't interbreed
* *




actually, they technically can. non-Africans have ~1-4% neanderthal DNA...but yeah lmao


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## hal0hal0 (Sep 1, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> why don't 8s have to worry about getting a girl pregnant?
> 
> * *
> 
> ...


What if it's a She-anderthal? Match made in heaven, aw yiss.


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## Bash (Nov 19, 2014)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> why don't 8s have to worry about getting a girl pregnant?
> 
> * *
> 
> ...


I am actually a teanderthal, but I get the picture.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Bash said:


> I am actually a teanderthal, but I get the picture.


I'm a twinkanderthal


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## Bash (Nov 19, 2014)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> I'm a twinkanderthal


Twinkle twinkle liettle star


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## benoticed (Nov 14, 2012)

*The fine line between a Healthy 5 and Unhealthy 1

*










*Healthy Type 5
*Attain skillful mastery of whatever interests them. Excited by knowledge: often become expert in some field. Innovative and inventive, producing extremely valuable, original works. Highly independent, idiosyncratic, and whimsical.

*Unhealthy Type 1
*Can be highly dogmatic, self-righteous, intolerant, and inflexible. Begin dealing in absolutes: they alone know “The Truth.” Everyone else is wrong: very severe in judgments, while rationalizing own actions


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## Strong Bulk Brah (Oct 23, 2015)

MrShatter said:


> How many 3s does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 
> One, he holds the lightbulb up and the room revolves around him.


Actually laughed at this one


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