# At what point (age) does it become embarrassing for a guy to be a virgin?



## Ophilia (Dec 14, 2012)

To the OP. Don't be embarrassed. Most guys actually lose their virginity around age 18, statistically, unsubstantiated claims notwithstanding. But more importantly, there is no age at which whether or not you've had sex before will matter to the person it matters to, ie, the person you're about to have sex with, if they want to have sex with you, personally.

Society tries to prescribe when and how we have sex, (and proscribe when and how we can't!) but you're under no social obligation to have sex, or to have had sex. The only obligation you have is to your partner(s); consent and consideration, and you should expect the same in return. 

And I think it's perfectly ok to just lie about it to people who don't matter, and even to people who do matter, when it doesn't matter.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Have done over 10 approaches this week and a few have landed in me getting numbers. This blonde just came in and sat right across me just now, she is gorgeous and there are so many open tables but she sat across me. So going to initiate a conversation with her and tell you guys how it goes.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Nick Carraway said:


> Have done over 10 approaches this week and a few have landed in me getting numbers. This blonde just came in and sat right across me just now, she is gorgeous and there are so many open tables but she sat across me. So going to initiate a conversation with her and tell you guys how it goes.


That's fucking great dude.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

ya so we chatted, asked her for her number and she politely rejected me

ah well, life goes on


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> Have done over 10 approaches this week and a few have landed in me getting numbers. This blonde just came in and sat right across me just now, she is gorgeous and there are so many open tables but she sat across me. So going to initiate a conversation with her and tell you guys how it goes.





Nick Carraway said:


> ya so we chatted, asked her for her number and she politely rejected me
> 
> ah well, life goes on


 idk, but where I come from, this sort of behaviour would be classified as 'extremely weird' and likely to get you a rejection, always, unless you were much more attractive comparative to whoever you're asking. I don't think women at all appreciate being chatted up for a few minutes and then being asked for their number.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> idk, but where I come from, this sort of behaviour would be classified as 'extremely weird' and likely to get you a rejection, always, unless you were much more attractive comparative to whoever you're asking. I don't think women at all appreciate being chatted up for a few minutes and then being asked for their number.



how is it weird?

1. I go to a big university
2. I chatted with her for a while
3. I would probably not see her again anyways at this large school

Nothing weird about it at all, I have managed to get numbers from decent looking girls this way.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> how is it weird?
> 
> 1. I go to a big university
> 2. I chatted with her for a while
> ...


 Um, it's weird because it's an invasion of privacy. It's more weird that they are strangers, because you are essentially invading the privacy of strangers by initiating conversations with them and then asking for their private communication networks.

Sure. But are you sure that they didn't give you either a fake number, or just gave it to you to be polite? I knwo a lot of girls that give out fake numbers.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

(I understand that this is American culture, btw. I'm just saying that where _I_ come from, this is not ordinary behaviour. It's considered creepy when done outside of a specifically social place - and by that I mean where people are drunk.)


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> idk, but where I come from, this sort of behaviour would be classified as 'extremely weird' and likely to get you a rejection, always, unless you were much more attractive comparative to whoever you're asking. I don't think women at all appreciate being chatted up for a few minutes and then being asked for their number.


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## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

Well at 22, most people consider it pretty weird for me to still be a Virgin 
And at times I do feel kinda weird about it. 
But after a while I just get over it and go back to what I enjoy doing. 

It's not likely I'm going to lose it a long while because sex isn't on my mind most of the time. 
Same with relationships and even friendships and that. I'm just pretty autonomous. 
I just like to be all hermity, and hang out at home and play video games and surf the Web and that. 

Not religious or anything, social anxiety I Do have though. 
But ultimately I just don't gel with most people. 
They just struggle to understand me, like I'm an alien or something! XD


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

dejavu said:


> It's only embarrassing if you let it be.


This.

People shouldn't worry about what other people think. Whatever's best for you.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Ophilia said:


> I think it's perfectly ok to just lie about it to people who don't matter, and even to people who do matter, when it doesn't matter.


When I was a child, when people asked me if I was a virgin or not, I always told them it was none of their business. Because it wasn't.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Um, it's weird because it's an invasion of privacy. It's more weird that they are strangers, because you are essentially invading the privacy of strangers by initiating conversations with them and then asking for their private communication networks.
> 
> Sure. But are you sure that they didn't give you either a fake number, or just gave it to you to be polite? I knwo a lot of girls that give out fake numbers.


I cannot believe you just said that, there is absolutely nothing weird about asking women for numbers. It is called a cold approach if they are strangers.


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## valentine (Feb 25, 2009)

Nick Carraway said:


> I cannot believe you just said that, there is absolutely nothing weird about asking women for numbers. It is called a cold approach if they are strangers.



Depends on ones perspective. I'd say it is an invasion of privacy too.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

Nick Carraway said:


> So at what point does being a virgin become embarrassing?


well I'm an Aquarius myself but

ontopic: some people think it's cool, so I really don't see why anyone would be embarassed, unless you feel embarassed of your own volition, case in which do go out more lol


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> I cannot believe you just said that, there is absolutely nothing weird about asking women for numbers. It is called a cold approach if they are strangers.


 I don't care if it has a name or not - or whether it's an established practice - that doesn't make it less weird. Have you ever considered what women think about pick up artist practices?


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> I don't care if it has a name or not - or whether it's an established practice - that doesn't make it less weird. Have you ever considered what women think about pick up artist practices?


It is NOT weird, you just live in a completely foreign culture. Hmm lets see. You see a pretty looking girl one day who you probably won't run into again but you want to be with her, what do you do?

1. ask her for her number or someway to keep in touch

2. do not ask her for anything, probably never see her again, and at best daydream about her

pretty obvious


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

16 or so

I was a virgin until 22.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> It is NOT weird, you just live in a completely foreign culture. Hmm lets see. You see a pretty looking girl one day who you probably won't run into again but you want to be with her, what do you do?
> 
> 1. ask her for her number or someway to keep in touch
> 
> ...


 Plainly 2 because if I think about my own life, I don't want random people walking up to me interrupting me and asking me for my phone number... just courtesy


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## valentine (Feb 25, 2009)

Nick Carraway said:


> It is NOT weird, you just live in a completely foreign culture. Hmm lets see. You see a pretty looking girl one day who you probably won't run into again but you want to be with her, what do you do?
> 
> 1. ask her for her number or someway to keep in touch
> 
> ...


I live in the states and find the concept baffling.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Plainly 2 because if I think about my own life, I don't want random people walking up to me interrupting me and asking me for my phone number... just courtesy


Well, in NORMAL society there is nothing wrong with chatting up a girl for a little bit and asking for her number. Most of you people are out of touch with reality.

Don't tell me Simple Pickup, RSD Nation, and tons of other guys who I have seen in real life are weird for doing what they do. It is completely normal and I have had success with it too. You people need to leave your houses to be honest.


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## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

Well, they made a movie about a 40 year old who was one. So at least 40 and above.


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## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

Nick Carraway said:


> Well, in NORMAL society there is nothing wrong with chatting up a girl for a little bit and asking for her number. Most of you people are out of touch with reality.
> 
> Don't tell me Simple Pickup, RSD Nation, and tons of other guys who I have seen in real life are weird for doing what they do. It is completely normal and I have had success with it too. You people need to leave your houses to be honest.



Whoa whoa whoa calm down bro. Let's keep it nice. First of all, what do you call a "normal" society?
Chatting with a girl/boy and then asking her/his number can be okay but dude, it depends on so many situations. Like, what you talked about, how long you chatted, how the other person felt while you were talking to her, and the girl's personality. If a random guy sits in front of me, chats with me for a couple of minutes, and then asks for my number, even if he's been polite, nice, funny, and he was good looking, I will or will not give my number depending on how I felt; it'll probably be a "won't", because yeah, Diphenhydramine has a point in what he says.

I'll just say it my way: I don't feel comfortable with "giving away" this kind of information. It's not like giving your address, I know, but still you're letting people have the availability to "intrude" your personal sphere.

So again; for me at least, it's not utterly wrong to ask a girl her number. But situations and people change everything.


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## nevermore (Oct 1, 2010)

paperbrain said:


> The [fraternities] I knew ate doughnuts off each other’s dicks,fucked sheep after slathering up with Crisco, had a bottle throwing fight with another fraternity that ended up with a sorrority girl losing her eye, had members fall off the roof to their death and held a dinner party for a freshman sorority girl representing each house where they laced the wine with 190 Proof Everclear in order to get the girls drunk so they could try and date rape them. I’m not kidding. All this shit goes on. Every single thing I just listed happened. Leave these monumental assholes to the darkside to be dealt with.


The other stuff is shameful and disgusting, but what's wrong with eating a doughnut off a guy's dick? People do sex play with food all the time.

Not that most frat boys would enjoy that (probably?) but then the whole fraternity thing always struck me as being a bit masochistic.


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## kagemitsu (May 15, 2011)




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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

It only really becomes (potentially) embarrassing when people treat you poorly for it, which could happen at roughly any age. 

Having a bunch of empty-headed wannabe bros start going off on you about "omg you gotta get LAID" is pretty embarrassing at any age. Plus annoying. 

So, to answer your question - it becomes embarrassing the moment someone tries to embarrass you for it.


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## unINFalliPle (Jul 8, 2012)

I don't see how it would be embarrassing.


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## Pucca (Jun 13, 2012)

*At what point (age) does it become embarrassing for a guy to be a virgin?*

*At that exact point (age) when a guy starts worrying about what other people think.*


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## Strife (Aug 25, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> Most guys I know in real life claim that they lost their virginity at the ages of 14-16. Yet, I am here at the age of 20, a virgin.
> 
> A lot had to do with me having an unstable, religious and strict upbring (the church and religious culture in the area I lived in is REALLY REALLY BIG), also with the fact that girls in my past down were not that appealing to me (not much variety at all). My family moved around A LOT before I turned 13 and I did not go to a typical high school (only 250 or so kids and I was not attracted to any of the girls there). *I was never really romantically interested in a girl until I graduated high school and went to the local university. It is like I never even wanted to lose my virginity until I turned 19.*
> 
> ...


It's not really about being a virgin, thing is people who retain their virginity are typically embarrassed about it and thus proceed to make situations super awkward when talking about it. There are plenty of girls out there who have a 'thing' for virgins. There are also that many people who don't care. The ones that would judge you negatively for it seems like the minority. As long as you are comfortable with it, it's not really an issue.


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## Elaine (Sep 1, 2012)

Never. 

Don't let all the slutty people convince you otherwise.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

It isn't ever embarrassing to be a virgin unless you feel embarrassed about it. If your friends were 14-16 when they lost their virginity, it might have been because of the same peer pressure you are feeling now. Where I live, it isn't even legal to have sex with someone that young, and there is a good reason. Most people are not emotionally ready for it that early. 

If your friends are trying to make you feel bad about being a virgin, then maybe they aren't really your friends. The best way to know if you are ready is to ask yourself why you want to have sex. Is it for pleasure, for love, to feel more connected, to feel less alone, to appease a partner who is pressuring you, to avoid being disrespected by other men, to gain experience, to know what it is like, or to improve your status? If you are doing it for any reason other than because you actually want to have sex with the other person, then you will probably regret it afterward. Only you can decide when it is the right time. 

As for the comment about improving your game... as long as you think of getting sex as a game, then it is only natural for you to feel like you are losing by not getting any. Reading books about how to get laid might actually hurt your chances, because real women are usually quite attuned to the latest tricks guys are using to try to get them in bed. I suggest just being authentic and finding someone who respects who you actually are.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> Well, in NORMAL society there is nothing wrong with chatting up a girl for a little bit and asking for her number. Most of you people are out of touch with reality.
> 
> Don't tell me Simple Pickup, RSD Nation, and tons of other guys who I have seen in real life are weird for doing what they do. It is completely normal and I have had success with it too. You people need to leave your houses to be honest.


 Just remember that you're the virgin here. Your "normal" behaviour hasn't gained you all that much success. 

I accept that in some sense there is a cultural crossover and Americans are sometimes more very overt or lack subtlety (and it's definitely true that these PUA "techniques" are an American phenomenon -- why do you think they only exist on a wide scale in the US?) The sort of behaviour you might find in PUA, i.e. insulting people to make them feel more attracted to is widely considered offensive in the rest of the world. 

Your conception that there are "techniques" and "practices" you can use to "pick up" women alludes quite strongly to the view that you think that sex, or no-strings-attached sex, is some kind of art or sport that requires finely honed skills -- this itself is completely out of touch with 'reality' and most grown up people in the real world think that treating other people as an object of acquired entertainment is wrong, stupid, or both.

You might consider that if you need to follow instructions based around particular techniques for getting someone to have sex with you, this is an intrinsic failure of your personality, rather than situational failure of a given method. Why would people adopt these forms of interaction unless they lacked an intrinsic charisma, warm, humour and strength of personality in their character?

All your posts have indicated that you view women as a separate and confusing entity designed as a puzzle for you to solve or as a pokemon card for you to collect. There's nobody here with a weaker grip on reality. 

Of course, I'm not being a white knight of a feminist... I don't find it wrong (or incredibly hard) to talk to women or to sleep with them, but not from the approach of a _stranger_, which is what you are. People don't like strangers (again I admit this is maybe a European phenomenon) because their actions have no consequences shorter than the law; anyone you're not socially connected to can behave in any way they like because there's no repercussions.

Stop for a minute and observe the fine details of this matter. Think about it.

Btw, I would give my phone number to a person who I have had a conversation with and was in some way connected to or had some kind of reason to talk to them -- but I'm not going to start random conversations with people I've no reason to talk to. That IS an invasion of privacy.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Just remember that you're the virgin here. Your "normal" behaviour hasn't gained you all that much success.


Oh shit. That was a brutal return fire. 

But the dude played the game, so I'm not saying you were wrong.



> but not from the approach of a _stranger_, which is what you are. People don't like strangers (again I admit this is maybe a European phenomenon)


Happens in the UK dude. Perhaps you can only say it's true about your country in europe.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

strangestdude said:


> Happens in the UK dude. Perhaps you can only say it's true about your country in europe.


 I'm willing to stake a quantity of money (not a large amount) that the US and Canada are the only places in the world where this is a broadly accepted and viewed as ordinary for men, though.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> I'm willing to stake a quantity of money (not a large amount) that the US and Canada are the only places in the world where this is a broadly accepted and viewed as ordinary for men, though.


In the night scene... You'd lose your money without a doubt. Cold approaching is rampant, it's why many men go to clubs, bars, hang out on streets.

In the day scene.... depends on the demographic 15 to 22, it's common in the UK. I've worked in retail and have known colleagues get approached. It's not rampant but it happens.

I doubt it's rampant in the US, but maybe some US and CA dudes here can correct me.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

strangestdude said:


> In the night scene... You'd lose your money without a doubt. Cold approaching is rampant, it's why many men go to clubs, bars, hang out on streets.


 Idk, I have not seen that happen commonly (except in the smoking area) except in clubbing, which is a different thing completely to bars and especially to pubs. THOUGH if people are drinking, that's an altogether different matter.



strangestdude said:


> In the day scene.... depends on the demographic 15 to 22, it's common in the UK. I've worked in retail and have known colleagues get approached. It's not rampant but it happens.


 Yea, maybe if you live in London or something.

And whether or not it's "common" has nothing to do with whether it's acceptable.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Idk, I have not seen that happen commonly (except in the smoking area) except in clubbing, which is a different thing completely to bars and especially to pubs. THOUGH if people are drinking, that's an altogether different matter.


Cold approaching in clubs is still cold approaching

Wow dutch culture is so different, I'd probably seem like an alien if myself and my old friends went outside Amsterdam then eh?

I assure you it's accepted and common in the UK night scene.



> Yea, maybe if you live in London or something.
> 
> And whether or not it's "common" has nothing to do with whether it's acceptable.


No, I live in a small city. 

It's probably as 'acceptable' as the US, some women respond positively, some don't.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

strangestdude said:


> It's probably as 'acceptable' as the US, some women respond positively, some don't.


 Suffice to say I am

(1) British (I don't know why you assumed I'm Dutch - other European, okay, but Dutch is very specific...) and well, what I have said is supported in sociological literature and also, the majority of Brits I know of both sexes largely agree that this is poor behaviour. It's possible that it's a class difference, I'm not sure. It's also my observation.

(2) In complete disagreement with your analysis (of day life, I agree with you that night life is different, but this is completely different.) What this shows is just that British men require liquid courage to do what we feel is not appropriate when we aren't drunk.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Suffice to say I am
> 
> (1) British (I don't know why you assumed I'm Dutch - other European, okay, but Dutch is very specific...)


Sorry dude, I thought I had interacted with you before and you told me you were dutch Lol. 

So you're British and don't know what Maxim is? 



> and well, what I have said is supported in sociological literature .


Any summaries available that you can post?



> (2) In complete disagreement with your analysis (of day life, I agree with you that night life is different, but this is completely different.) What this shows is just that British men require liquid courage to do what we feel is not appropriate when we aren't drunk.


I've known many young men chat up women sober in the streets, or in bars before they go to clubs, so I disagree with you. 

I'd advise you to ask more men and women if they think cold approaching is acceptable in the night scene. And I'd advise you to check out the night scene more, it would be pretty obvious to anyone IME.

You guessing that they need 'liquid courage' due to recognizing inappropriateness, but have you considered it's just to do get the courage to approach, and not to overcome an alleged social taboo?


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

strangestdude said:


> Sorry dude, I thought I had interacted with you before and you told me you were dutch Lol.
> 
> So you're British and don't know what Maxim is?
> 
> ...


 I know what it is, I've never bought one (I don't look at magazine racks generally tho) - are you a builder, out of interest? 

Sure - Watching the English by Kate Fox - though I wrongly described this as sociological literature, it's more just a book about anthropology. This isn't where I derived my views from, though -- it's always struck me as part of the English national character to avoid talking to strangers and a great deal of English people have agreed with me.

Edit - The organisation Kate Fox works for, known as SIRC, did release some sociological findings about flirting: you can read it here if you like and some of it is moderately interesting, but - "In cyberspace, unlikemost 'realspace' public environments in Britain, striking up conversation with complete strangers is normal behaviour, indeed actively encouraged." - p.14, I'll give that as a base example of a social anthropological source that supports what Im saying. Actually I did glimpse over the pdf and the report seems to suggest that it does happen (which I agreed) with but that it is not ordinary (which I said also.)

Edit2 - Another article by SIRC that supports my opinion.



strangestdude said:


> I've known many young men chat up women sober in the streets, or in bars before they go to clubs, so I disagree with you.
> 
> I'd advise you to ask more men and women if they think cold approaching is acceptable in the night scene. And I'd advise you to check out the night scene more, it would be pretty obvious to anyone IME.


 Do I need to say I agree with you a _third_ time? There's an obvious difference between how people act during the night, when they're drunk and they're on a night out and how they act in the day time between people who are going about their daily business. The fact is that a night out is not your "daily business" it's part of a day you've set aside specifically for fun and socialising, so it's not comparable to say, cold approach at a train station or the high street.



strangestdude said:


> You guessing that they need 'liquid courage' due to recognizing inappropriateness, but have you considered it's just to do get the courage to approach, and not to overcome an alleged social taboo?


 Yes, it's some kind of mix of the two. Let's face it -- nobody behaves appropriately when they're pissed. Part of the fun is that for a while nobody cares: but _why_ is it cringeworthy to think about all the dumb things you did last night...

The fact is that cold approaching is widespread, _especially_ in clubs, in the night life of our cities: but that itself is suggestive evidence of its _sober _appropriateness. There's a difference between guessing and deductive analysis of evidence -- but as it stands right now, we are exchanging opinions and experiences, though I have just linked you a book with work undertaken by a social anthropologist that supports what I say.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> I know what it is, I've never bought one (I don't look at magazine racks generally tho) - are you a builder, out of interest?


Sigh, I've had really bad experiences with middle class people before. 

Before we continue; I'm guessing that was passive aggressive question, and I'm guessing you're middle class. Am I right?


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

strangestdude said:


> Sigh, I've had really bad experiences with middle class people before.
> 
> Before we continue; I'm guessing that was passive aggressive question, and I'm guessing you're middle class. Am I right?


 I suppose you could call me that (I didn't go to a public school if that's what you're asking, but I wouldn't call myself working class either...) but it wasn't passive aggression -- it was legitimately a joke. It wasn't supposed to offend you so I'm sorry if it did.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> I suppose you could call me that (I didn't go to a public school if that's what you're asking, but I wouldn't call myself working class either...) but it wasn't passive aggression -- it was legitimately a joke. It wasn't supposed to offend you so I'm sorry if it did.


OK then sorry, I thought this was going down a bad road.

Thanks for the links.


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## Ramysa (Mar 22, 2012)

It all depends on you and your (future) gf. The rest of the world can have any opinion they want. If u are the way you (and your gf ) want then it really doesn't matter . 

It's not like u're gonna go running and yelling on the streets "I'm a virgin! Judge me!"


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## Dauntless (Nov 3, 2010)

I write never. A person should be allowed to do as they please with their body, and someone that would stand in judgement of that is not someone I would respect.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Long line of text.


had to cute your quote down, too long

my normal behavior hasn't had anything to do with it, I was sheltered through most of my life so as a result I never had the chance to meet new people. Success as in I have to have sex with her? That rarely happens for most men who are new to the game, I consider success just meeting new people and working a relationship with them

It doesn't seem like you are quite the hugh hefner either. It is called a cold approach, people go to foreign countries and approach women they hardly know and have sex with them all the time.

See, where society is more up to times, people have one night stands with strangers they meet at parties and there is nothing wrong with this.

How else are you supposed to meet people at a large university where you won't see the same person twice?

Again, it has nothing to do with me being a virgin. I have met long lines of people through cold approaching, especially women. One even ended in a date.

I even doubt in your country it is viewed as weird, maybe you aren't open to meeting strangers and judging by your attitude on your posts they probably wouldn't want to stay near you either.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> my normal behavior hasn't had anything to do with it, I was sheltered through most of my life so as a result I never had the chance to meet new people


 Yes, you can continue to blame this.



Nick Carraway said:


> It doesn't seem like you are quite the hugh hefner either. It is called a cold approach, people go to foreign countries and approach women they hardly know and have sex with them all the time.


 Hmm. I'm sure they do, except I'm also a hundred percent sure -- since I have done precisely this thing myself -- that it has nothing at all to do with a "cold approach" or your implementation of it. No, I'm not claiming to be Hugh Hefner at all - actually my performance in general with the opposite sex is usually lacklustre and uninspired -- but it's enough for me to know wtf I'm talking about.



Nick Carraway said:


> See, where society is more up to times, people have one night stands with strangers they meet at parties and there is nothing wrong with this.


 Yes, drunk people fuck each other all the time, that's nothing to do with the topic at all (and given your OP its _especially_ not relevant to you) if you had some sort of experience of (a) going to parties (b) drinking (c) intercourse with people you meet, drinking, at parties -- you would know that it's a fundamentally different social approach to "cold approach."



Nick Carraway said:


> How else are you supposed to meet people at a large university where you won't see the same person twice?


 I've no idea -- friendships are usually formed in the first year of University. As for meeting people randomly, I would hazard a guess at US College that the most common method is by going to parties. 

Btw, there is always clubs (like sports for instance), and friends of friends (of friends of friends...) Of course, I'm not saying you shouldn't do any cold approach -- go ahead if you feel more at home this way. I already accept that it's common practice in the US -- I was only commenting on how uncomfortable the concept makes me.



Nick Carraway said:


> Again, it has nothing to do with me being a virgin. I have met long lines of people through cold approaching, especially women. One even ended in a date.


 A process where you input "A long line of" and "resulted in _one_" does not sound to me like a particularly successful process, but if you want to imitate some kind of shotgun effect, fine. As stated your life goal is to become some kind of Sex King, so I'll only comment on the efficacy of your methods and not their intent, since you've already taken a lot of abuse on other threads about your adolescent and vainglorious life view.



Nick Carraway said:


> I even doubt in your country it is viewed as weird, maybe you aren't open to meeting strangers and judging by your attitude on your posts they probably wouldn't want to stay near you either.


 You have already displayed a revolting ignorance about what goes on outside your laptop screen so I won't take this as offensively as it was intended.

Though - I have a much more attractive character than you, _thanks_ - I won't comment on looks, though.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> *Yes, you can continue to blame this.*
> 
> No, I'm not claiming to be Hugh Hefner at all - actually my performance in general with the opposite sex is usually lacklustre and uninspired -- but it's enough for me to know wtf I'm talking about.
> 
> ...


Some key points:

1. I don't blame anything, what I said is like me saying a broken leg will screw up your chances of scoring a goal in soccer, of course it will, that is hard to debate. My upbringing rather than character had to do with but that is for another thread.

2. You hardly have success with women yourself and you don't even live in the US. You would "hazard a guess", I have 10 times more credibility than you here. There is nothing weird about approaching a girl that is a stranger and asking for her number after you have had a good conversation. Guess what stupid, I just did it today and got a number, and it was real because she texted back. Some guys in the US do it all the time and there is nothing weird about it, it is normal in many cases. I live here, I know a lot better than you do.

3. How uncomfortable the concept makes you? WHO GIVES A FUCK about what makes you uncomfortable? Hay, gay marriage makes people uncomfortable but it still happens! Having lots of sex partners makes people uncomfortable but it STILL HAPPENS. Who cares WHAT makes you uncomfortable. That statement itself is dumb as your whole argument.

4. What ignorance? Ya, racism goes on outside of my computer screen, I have lived in and experienced the real world, you have probably not.

5. How cute you have an amazing personality, you must be such a nice guy, she wishes there was someone out there just like you that she could date.

Just give up and admit that your whole argument is dumb and that you aren't as bright as you try to come off in your debates.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> S1. I don't blame anything, what I said is like me saying a broken leg will screw up your chances of scoring a goal in soccer, of course it will, that is hard to debate. My upbringing rather than character had to do with but that is for another thread.


 I agree that it has stunted your ability to use critical thinking but I don't feel a religious upbringing stops you from having any other required qualities to be sexually attractive.



Nick Carraway said:


> 2. You hardly have success with women yourself and you don't even live in the US. You would "hazard a guess", I have 10 times more credibility than you here. There is nothing weird about approaching a girl that is a stranger and asking for her number after you have had a good conversation. Guess what stupid, I just did it today and got a number, and it was real because she texted back. Some guys in the US do it all the time and there is nothing weird about it, it is normal in many cases. I live here, I know a lot better than you do.
> 
> 3. How uncomfortable the concept makes you? WHO GIVES A FUCK about what makes you uncomfortable? Hay, gay marriage makes people uncomfortable but it still happens! Having lots of sex partners makes people uncomfortable but it STILL HAPPENS. Who cares WHAT makes you uncomfortable. That statement itself is dumb as your whole argument.


(a) The USA consists of 300 million people; it's 4.2% of the world. 

(b) Since this is an international forum on the internet I am allowed to post my opinion based on my experience, especially since that is the primary premise of the forum. Secondly since you have posted a great many of your opinions that are not important or relevant to the other 95.8% of the global population who don't live in the USA, I reserve the right to do the same.



Nick Carraway said:


> 4. What ignorance? Ya, racism goes on outside of my computer screen, I have lived in and experienced the real world, you have probably not.


 It's possible that you are really that cosmopolitan, but given the history you yourself have claimed and your posts, nah.



Nick Carraway said:


> 5. How cute you have an amazing personality, you must be such a nice guy, she wishes there was someone out there just like you that she could date.


 What? Lmao. See how easily your mode of thinking falls into a blase mode of buzzwords. Keep it up -- you could be a politician.



Nick Carraway said:


> Just give up and admit that your whole argument is dumb and that you aren't as bright as you try to come off in your debates.


 No, I am a lot brighter; there is something to be said for intentional understatement. For example if you don't have the lexis or conceptual capacity to understand my post, it would have been even more of a waste than it already is. 

This is hilarious. I hope sincerely you continue to reply.


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> This is hilarious. I hope sincerely you continue to reply.


I will

"hey, look at me, I am brighter than you okay?"

"I don't live in the US but I am all knowing so I know more about what goes on in the US than you do"

"I find it highly discomforting that someone will chat with a cute girl and then ask for her number"

That is all I am hearing.

This pertains to life in the US and it pertains to women, not life in another country and what makes you uncomfortable. We don't care what makes you uncomfortable because I doubt some stranger is going to approach you and ask you for your number.

Also

What does the stuff I posted a long time ago and on a completely different thread have to do with the fact that you are ignorant towards the way of life in the US and have no idea how seduction here even works?

Hay, you don't have to hear it from me, hear it from guys who are successful with women (unlike you).

Here is the difference. I am keeping this conversation going because I think it is stupid that someone believes asking a girl who is a stranger for her number after you have had a nice chat with her is weird. 

You are keeping it going because somehow your life is so insignificant that you take pleasures from internet arguments to boost your little ego no matter how idiotic your standpoint sounds like.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> "I don't live in the US but I am all knowing so I know more about what goes on in the US than you do"
> 
> "I find it highly discomforting that someone will chat with a cute girl and then ask for her number"
> 
> That is all I am hearing.


 Yes, because you're not capable of reading.



Nick Carraway said:


> What does the stuff I posted a long time ago and on a completely different thread have to do with the fact that you are ignorant towards the way of life in the US and have no idea how seduction here even works?


 Quite right, it has nothing to do with that specifically. It is just related to all the other statements you've made -- though, no doubt, you're not capable of understanding why these two things are related: (1) your psychological condition (2) how you view social relations.



Nick Carraway said:


> Here is the difference. I am keeping this conversation going because I think it is stupid that someone believes asking a girl who is a stranger for her number after you have had a nice chat with her is weird.
> 
> You are keeping it going because somehow your life is so insignificant that you take pleasures from internet arguments to boost your little ego no matter how idiotic your standpoint sounds like.


 No, you're mad you were offended and are looking for a way out by bombarding me with ineffectual statements which don't have anything to do with what I said, some of which I said I agreed with several times before.

Right now I have to go somewhere very very early in the morning so I'm staying up all night; it's good entertainment.



Nick Carraway said:


> Hay, you don't have to hear it from me, hear it from guys who are successful with women (unlike you).


 They can come and say it, if they like. So far it's you and me, which is not particularly balanced for your side of the argument. You can bring your pick up artist friends along for the ride if you like, I will repeat my point, which is: 

- Where I am from many people view 'cold approach' as strange or inappropriate, though you yourself are free to practice it if you like because it's undoubtedly different wherever you are from. 

Which has been my position since post #1.


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## SenhorFrio (Apr 29, 2010)

i'd say 40..thats kinda when your past the threshold


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

The age when public opinion still matters


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Yes, because you're not capable of reading.


You are so incapable of understand the simplest point.

No one (including) myself cares about how cold approaches are viewed your country (whatever country that might be). We were talking about the US where I live and you intervened saying that a cold approach is just weird, I simply corrected you and said it wasn't. End of story.

I said cold approaches are not strange in the US, you came out and said that it was strange, I live in the US and see guys do this all the time and I have had success with it, I am the one with more credibility here. 

That has not been your position since post 1, you are simply changing it to not make yourself sound like an idiot. Your position since post 1 has been that cold approaches are weird in general, they are not. If cold approaches are weird in your country then why would you even reply to my post about me doing it in the US when you don't even live here?

Again, I am carrying this conversation (it isn't a debate or argument because your point is that idiotic) to let strangers reading this know there is nothing weird about approaching a girl who is a stranger, having a nice conversation with her, and asking her for her number if you feel that you won't see her again. You are carrying it on as some debate for a minor ego boost.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Nick Carraway said:


> You are so incapable of understand the simplest point.
> 
> No one (including) myself cares about how cold approaches are viewed your country (whatever country that might be). We were talking about the US where I live and you intervened saying that a cold approach is just weird, I simply corrected you and said it wasn't. End of story.
> 
> ...


 If you re-read my posts they go as follows:

(Preliminary post about it being embarrassing to be a virgin at 20.)

1. I think its weird in my personal cultural context.
a. You ask WHY it's weird.
2. I explain why it's weird in my personal cultural context.
3. I add a caveat that I may well be wrong about anywhere outside of my own country and even agree that it's widespread and normal in the US.

- We have an argument about why it's weird. I said over three or maybe four times already how I am not going to comment on the culture of the United States. Unfortunately for you this site places no restriction on which nationalities can post and, in fact, neither did you in your OP. It's assumed you don't have any problem with furriners -- if you only want people of a certain nationality to post you should make that clear in your OP.

So what really happened here: I posted my opinion, which you questioned and I explained and provided a caveat. Then you got mad because you repeatedly refused to read the caveat. Then I made a statement that you took offense to and now you're really mad about it and trying (and failing) to insult me with effeminate comments about my ego and intelligence. Don't bother -- it's plain that you are mistaken, whether or not you admit it, I don't care.

(And now I really do have to go out.)


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## Nick Carraway (Feb 11, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> (And now I really do have to go out.)


Ya sure bail when you can. Here is the post that started it all.



Diphenhydramine said:


> idk, but where I come from, this sort of behaviour would be classified as 'extremely weird' and likely to get you a rejection, always, unless you were much more attractive comparative to whoever you're asking. *I don't think women at all appreciate being chatted up for a few minutes and then being asked for their number.*


What women? Women in your small town? 

That itself was the whole debate, don't delude yourself. It is common sense that if you know little about life in the US and don't even live here, you are best off keeping your nose out of the conversation in general because you have nothing useful to offer. 

You said where you come from that sort of behavior would be weird, how is that even relevant to life in the US? I replied and said it would not be weird at all in the US or in most Westernized countries as a matter of fact. You made this whole thing into some dick measuring contest where you debated for the sake of some ego boost, end of story. My only problem is you are spreading mis-information and defending an asinine point.

Again, as I said, you are continuing this for some ego boost you get over an internet argument. I am continuing this to let readers out there know there is nothing weird about chatting with a girl (and it wasn't for just a few minutes) and asking for her number. If you really think you have a point, lets do a poll on it shall we. Don't skew it either, because in my situation, seeing the girl again is going to be next to impossible.


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## ClarityOfVision (Mar 3, 2013)

I'll get back to the initial question. I don't think there is any threshold where it becomes embarrassing to be a virgin being a guy. I myself was a virgin until about 2 months ago. As long as you are content with yourself there is really no problem. It only matters when you care about public opinion. I was worried about public opinion, then I realized it wasn't important at all.

Then I found my current girlfriend, who did have sex before, and who really didn't care that I was still a virgin at that point and showed me the ropes so to speak. Don't worry too much about it, you just have to find someone who doesn't care that you're a virgin. If she does, then she doesn't really care for you anyway I think. It shouldn't matter in my opinion.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

ClarityOfVision said:


> Then I found my current girlfriend, who did have sex before, and who really didn't care that I was still a virgin at that point and showed me the ropes so to speak. Don't worry too much about it, you just have to find someone who doesn't care that you're a virgin. If she does, then she doesn't really care for you anyway I think. It shouldn't matter in my opinion.


I lost my virginity to a women who was comfortable with her sexuality too.... :happy:

It wasn't until other sexual partners that I realized how grateful I was that my first time with her, she made me feel comfortable. I'm not attempting to trivialize your relationship to being about sex, I'm just saying your lucky.


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