# quitting smoking with a hot temper..



## traceur (Jan 19, 2012)

so i've being trying to quit smoking... which so far has looked like this:


 doing good a few days - no smokes
 get pissed off at something
 buy smokes
 start again the next day
 repeat
 never lasting an entire week...

basically going out for a smoke has being my way of dealing with stress for the last decade, and without it... i am not sure i know how.

my entire smoking habit all started with stress. nearly a decade ago i had one day where the my highschool crush gave me a finale goodbye the day before, i was going through a bad withdrawel from a period of intense alcohol drinking, then gotten the call that my father's operation had complications and that i need to come to the hospital (he was on his deathbed), and then i remembered that on the bus ride that morning a guy asked if i had a smoke - which i didn't - and how when we came off the bus and he got a smoke from someone he suddently had such a calm face... with that memory and one of the most hellish days of my life, i asked someone for my first smoke and have being using that as my way of dealing with crap ever since.

but now its too important for me to quit quitting:


on a personal level it represents a vital conquest - a proof for myself that i can actually have some self dicipline, which so far i really haven't provided for myself in my life, and right now really need some esteem in that area because it seems to be the common ground of most of my disapointments.
my smoking caused so much trouble in my relationship, my wife absolutely hated it, and i think it would be a very important gesture of my willingness to make sacrifices, which would not in anyway gurantee but would certainly go a great deal towards salvaging our marriage and family. not to mention the fact my 5yo used to copy me by holding stuff in his mouth like it was a smoke gives me the most nightmarish guilt trips i've ever had, and justifyingly so. plus the financial savings would be a great help.
plus there's all the other reasons... you know, health and crap.


how do i deal with my temper and stress without resorting to smokes?


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

I've always followed the theory that to get rid of a bad habit, you needed to have one to take its place. Like, to quit soda, I picked up coffee. 

Although, as an alternative, one of my friends had success with starting to smoke unfiltered cigs, which were harsh enough that it just became unpleasant to smoke, so he smoked less, and while the medical community may be loathe to admit it, the fewer smokes the better.


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## traceur (Jan 19, 2012)

bellisaurius said:


> I've always followed the theory that to get rid of a bad habit, you needed to have one to take its place. Like, to quit soda, I picked up coffee.


i drink soda's, coffee and the ocasional alcohol, i over eat, i've experiment with drugs, i've being a pothead for a few years but couldn't afford it right now even if i wanted too...

what other bad habits are there?


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

@traceur


> what other bad habits are there?


affecting a nervous tick, excessive masturbation, nose picking, pinching yourself frequently, chewing on pencil tops, becoming a democrat, use your imagination!

Actually, it probably just comes down to distraction. Perhaps you just need a different oral fixation like a straw. Or, just accept the bad habit until the underlying stress is fixed.


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## traceur (Jan 19, 2012)

bellisaurius said:


> Actually, it probably just comes down to distraction. Perhaps you just need a different oral fixation like a straw.


i'm already swapping between chewing gum and toothpicks, it helps on the regular time but doesn't help when i get pissed off..


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

exercise is a good way for me to blow off some steam.


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## prplchknz (Nov 30, 2010)

I wish all i got was pissed when trying to quit smoking. I get pissed, have a migraine to the point of puking, i cough my lungs out i feel irriatable ect. I'm just a miserable wreck when i try to quit smoking, so i don't try anymore. I've resigned myself to the fact i'm going to die at 50


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## traceur (Jan 19, 2012)

prplchknz said:


> I wish all i got was pissed when trying to quit smoking. I get pissed, have a migraine to the point of puking, i cough my lungs out i feel irriatable ect. I'm just a miserable wreck when i try to quit smoking, so i don't try anymore.


i've being sick before, i am handling all of those. its just the high points of stress and anger that break me every few days.

this has being going on for a few weeks btw - i could have finished with the physical withdraw symptoms like 3 times by now if i didn't break every 3-4 days.


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## caramel_choctop (Sep 20, 2010)

Hey @traceur, I don't smoke, but I do have a temper, and apparently low serotonin levels can lead to anger.

http://www.angelfire.com/ab3/agoraphobiaaustralia/serotonin.html 

It says that eating can improve serotonin; so regular snacks each day, like wholemeal bread, fruit etc, might help. 
You don't have to be radical, just make it a point to eat at least one piece of fruit every day, or something.

I don't really have advice on dealing with stress in the short term, sorry, but I thought that would at least be interesting.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

Have you tried NRT? Nicotine gum to get past the first month hurdle is a pretty good shape, obviously you'll have to wean yourself off the NRT too, but your willpower tends to be pretty well in place after a while?


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## inscribed (Jan 19, 2011)

This lady might not be your style, but she's all about habit work, _and:_
Ask Havi #9: smoker’s edition
Topically relevant post!

It's not that you have to replace a bad habit with _another_ bad habit ... it's more like figuring out what it's GIVING you. In your case, it sounds like smoking could be a source of: distraction, a basic chemical uplift, five minutes to be alone and cool off, a pre-defined break with starting and stopping points... the list goes on. Really look into it and try to figure it out; what do I get from this experience? And then: how can I get those same qualities and benefits in a different way, one that actually helps me?

For example... if you need a distraction from being bored, you could read a book or play one song on an instrument. If you're angry, you could set a timer and _be really angry_ for five minutes, write down your complaints and then spend five minutes looking for ways to resolve them _constructively._ If you just need a break, take a walk to clear your head; etc. And I will second the suggestion for exercise -- it nearly always makes me feel better and gives a good redirect for energy. Nothing calms me down like going for a run.

Basically, smoking (or any 'bad habit') can be a replacement for a whole skill set. By the time it's gone, not only will you end up _not_ relying on cigarettes for emotional stability, you'll also, you know, learn good coping habits for your anger and stress, which will really serve you through difficult times. _And,_ you'll learn HOW to change things in your life -- how to work with yourself. Things like "going cold-turkey doesn't work for me," or alternately, "moderation and babysteps don't work for me" ... you get the idea. If you go about this change consciously, you'll learn SO MUCH about yourself through it.

The other thing I'd suggest -- which fits neatly into the rest of it -- is working more with the Enneagram. If you can examine your reactions in this situation and say, "Hey, this aspect of the way I deal with anger is very Four-ish, and this part here is very Eight-ish" ... then, you can say: "Aha. But for me, being a Four is really all about _this_ need..." (the need for a stable self-image, self-certainty, acknowledgment, or whatever it is for you personally.) "So; maybe I could try to provide that to myself by doing X, whenever I notice this pattern coming up for me." And: "Aha, when my Eight side is showing up it usually means I'm feeling *this* way and needing *this* thing. Maybe I can experiment with meeting that need by doing {whatever}."

Your own personal style of dealing with problems and feelings is your own; nobody can tell you exactly how to do it. Or how it would be _best_ for you to do it, because your 'best self' is completely personal too. But you seem willing to make the effort to change -- so I imagine you'll be able to find a way. Best of luck


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## Pillow (Apr 17, 2011)

I agree with @Paradox1987 that NRT is the way to go. If you keep your nicotine levels up it reduces the extent to which you want to smoke, plus with the gum the chewing keeps you occupied somewhat. Of course, it doesn't get rid of all the anger - willpower is still required, but it makes it easier to say no to the cravings.

Oh, and I believe the best way to quit smoking in general is to set a date and stick to it. Up to that date smoke as much as you like (even more than normal if you want) but when you reach that date you know you will quit - no ifs, ands or buts. It's worked for everyone I've seen try it (usually with NRT).


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