# Do you want children?



## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Why or why not? 

If so how many?

I'll start. I currently would like to have a couple children in the future mostly because I am estranged from my family and want to build a family on my own terms. Plus I am selfish and want to produce human beings that have half my DNA and that I can pass my beliefs down to. 

BUT....

If I don't find an adequate person with whom to reproduce I'd be okay with not having children and just having a dog and bird instead. I refuse to have children under mediocre circumstances. Either my children will have the best possible parents and born in the best possible situation, or I'd rather not have any. Being an okay parent or a failure would not fly with me. Not to say that shit doesn't just happen sometimes, but I dislike how people are so lax when it comes to reproducing. I strive for stability first, then kids.


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## Harley (Jul 5, 2009)

No. Never been interested. I just don't have the estrogen to fuel a desire for them.


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## squid (Dec 17, 2011)

Nope. I like kids just fine but have just never wanted my own. I don't understand the appeal. I think it'd be nice to have a 20-something son/daughter but I don't want to raise them. I'd rather have an extra $10-20k a year, the freedom to travel, and not have to spend at least a decade of my life doing kid stuff that bores me. I'm also seriously doubtful I could ever be a good parent.

The last time someone asked me to explain why I don't want kids, I said "I really like manatees. I think they're cool, I read stuff about them online and draw pictures of them, and I'll go to the zoo to see them. But I don't WANT a manatee. I'd have to buy a big tank, which would be expensive, then I'd have to go out and buy fresh fish to feed it, I'd have to clean up after it, etc. It'd just be a pain in the ass and I don't think I'd be able to make it very happy anyways. Same thing applies to kids." The people I was with found this wildly funny, but I thought it was a very apt analogy.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Maybe in the future, but I wouldn't be a father just to be a father. I think it would be nice to be a father to a daughter and a son.


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## L'Empereur (Jun 7, 2010)

Yes, at least 5.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

L'Empereur said:


> Yes, at least 5.


Why so many?


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Chipps said:


> Why so many?


He actually wants them for his child slave labor ring he's been running. He makes them work till their fingertips bleed and rake in all the profits for himself. Children a hard commodity come by in this day and age. You either have to make them yourself or find an orphanage.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Chipps said:


> Why or why not?
> If so how many?


I already have three.
The third is adopted from a foreign country.



> If I don't find an adequate person with whom to reproduce I'd be okay with not having children and just having a dog and bird instead. I refuse to have children under mediocre circumstances. Either my children will have the best possible parents and born in the best possible situation, or I'd rather not have any. Being an okay parent or a failure would not fly with me. Not to say that shit doesn't just happen sometimes, but I dislike how people are so lax when it comes to reproducing. I strive for stability first, then kids.


I think it's great that you're planning things out and making sure you set the best possible foundation on which to have kids. I wish more people thought things through to that degree.

The caveat to that is that life typically mucks things up so the situation is never perfect, and both parents are of course flawed human beings. Also, strategic thinking (including risk management and planning) is part of success but not the only thing that contributes to success. Tactical thinking (adjusting in the moment to stresses/threats that occur) as well as personal improvement and energy investment all contribute to overcoming things that strategy cannot predict or that people fail to anticipate. When strategy fails, one can still compensate and success, as well as improve enough as a parent in order to rise to the occasion. It's a growing experience. I'd hate to see someone sell themselves short or think they couldn't hack it as a parent (and thus miss out on the experience, as well as perhaps not bringing some cool kids into the world) by trying to over-strategize everything.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Jennywocky said:


> I already have three.
> The third is adopted from a foreign country.
> 
> I think it's great that you're planning things out and making sure you set the best possible foundation on which to have kids. I wish more people thought things through to that degree.
> ...


Ah, I didn't mention adoption. I'd be down for that as well as fostering, or mentoring. 


I wasn't trying to over-strategize lol. I like to have all the important ducks in a row and then I'll act like the most laid back person on the planet. I think when I write, it comes off very direct (shocking, I know) but I'm one of the most playful people in the world. I surprise myself with how childish I can be. I'd just enjoy having kids around that I can influence and keep safe. I think wanting to be proud of myself is also a reason I want to have kids. I know I'd be a good mother even when people think that because I'm tough, I wouldn't be nurturing. That bit annoys me the most. Even some serial killers where good parents before they were caught. <--thats a horrible example but you get my point....


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Chipps said:


> Ah, I didn't mention adoption. I'd be down for that as well as fostering, or mentoring.


I find that I like helping people as well as kids with mentoring/parenting. I like to help people figure out how to frame their problems, and sharing life wisdom with them so that they can make better choices. I'm happy with my kids being in their teen years, because I finally feel they've reached a stage where I have more to offer them that is uniquely me. The other stuff is important, but this is the time I have been really waiting for...



> I wasn't trying to over-strategize lol.


Some INTPs do, but I wasn't suggesting you in particular would be that way, since I don't know you. It's just something to look out for, to prevent abandoning some really wonderful opportunities just because one feels that they might not be as good as the ideal.



> I like to have all the important ducks in a row and then I'll act like the most laid back person on the planet. I think when I write, it comes off very direct (shocking, I know) but I'm one of the most playful people in the world. I surprise myself with how childish I can be.


That's how I am too. I can write very much like I'm thinking everything out (and I do, as far as it can go), but I finally just usually "leap in" nowadays and trust myself enough to figure things out that I might not have planned for. Out of dealing with an ISFJ or an INTP parent, my kids think I am much more "fun" and flexible/adaptable than my ex, which is generally true. I've always been told before (indirectly) that I don't dress my age, lol; the reality is I dress for the 30's, my ex dresses as "true age adult." But my personality can pull it off, because it's who I am as person -- I am not about appearing like a pent-up, controlled, regimented adult, I'm all about flexibility and exploration and laid-backness.



> I'd just enjoy having kids around that I can influence and keep safe. I think wanting to be proud of myself is also a reason I want to have kids. I know I'd be a good mother even when people think that because I'm tough, I wouldn't be nurturing. That bit annoys me the most. Even some serial killers where good parents before they were caught. <--thats a horrible example but you get my point....


I bet that's what the witch said when she popped Hansel and Gretel into the oven, ha! 

Srsly though, I think T women can get a bad rap just because we're T. We can be tough and not necessarily the one who babies our kids -- I know I expect my kids to make efforts at independence, not constantly expect to be coddled, take the high road, etc., but at the same time they know I want to connect with them deeply, intuit them more easily than the ex, and want to really know who they are. One can still be nurturing.


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## Niccolo Machiavelli (Aug 7, 2011)

HELLLLLLLLL NO! But at the same time, FUCK YEAH! :laughing:

On the one hand, I generally don't like kids. On the other hand, I'm very interested in evolution and since we only have two goals (survive and reproduce), I should be doing my all to make sure I reproduce as much as possible. So honestly, I'm kinda torn here.


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## Alaya (Nov 11, 2009)

Nope.

(insert interesting wall of text for the reason of the above answer to fill the 10 char limit)


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## LadyIrime (Jun 6, 2011)

No. For now.

Often I'll see a really cute kid do something really adorable or I'll just see a parent playing with their child & I will feel this weird rush of emotion & sentimentality. And I think of how great it would be to love someone so small & so cute that much.

Then I'll remember myself. That I'm impacient, can't focus on one thing for extended periods of time, am very dismissive of people & their feelings, have an irrational fear of being tied down, hate cooking & cleaning, etc. And I fear that if I do have a kid that they'll end up hurt because of my flaws. And I couldn't bear to do that to my child.

So, it's a no. But as I grow as a person, I want to get to the point where I think I would be able to have a child & help them be the best they could be.


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## NikitaOneill (Jan 8, 2012)

There is an innate desire to have about 2 or 3 offspring in the future, the future being when one attains a stable career.


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## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

I don't actually like kids, so as of now, I don't really want them. I can imagine that I might when I'm in my 30s. But nothing scares me more than pregnancy, so I may just adopt.

My mom is a T woman also and said she didn't have a maternal bone in her body before she had me. She said she was actually advised by her father not to have kids because some people just shouldn't. She had me, though, and was very happy. She just admits that she still didn't like kids that weren't me. Apparently, when I was little, she thought my friends were gross and bratty. I was the angel.

It will probably be the same story if I have a kid.


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## Impavida (Dec 29, 2011)

I have no desire to have children. Never have, never will. I first looked into sterilization when I was 13. 

The thought of going through pregnancy and birth makes me feel ill. As a strong introvert, the thought of giving up my personal space is terrifying - I know from past experience that being at the beck and call of another human being 24/7 would drive me insane. Literally. My mental health suffers badly if I don't have at least 2-3 hours of alone time a day.

Mostly though, I've just never wanted them. It has never been on my radar as a possibility.


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## wandai (Feb 8, 2011)

2 set of twins, though not at the same time. The mother figure for said children are optional though.


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## Draco (Feb 2, 2012)

Gina Alawaye said:


> No. For now.
> 
> Often I'll see a really cute kid do something really adorable or I'll just see a parent playing with their child & I will feel this weird rush of emotion & sentimentality. And I think of how great it would be to love someone so small & so cute that much.
> 
> ...


This, but without that:


Gina Alawaye said:


> Often I'll see a really cute kid do something really adorable or I'll just see a parent playing with their child & I will feel this weird rush of emotion & sentimentality. And I think of how great it would be to love someone so small & so cute that much.


I can't really stand children, especially crying/nagging ones. And yet, maybe with the right person . . must that evolutionary drive thing kicking in.


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## O_o (Oct 22, 2011)

If anything, then possibly adoption. 
I'm a very patient person and can put up with children as long as they don't require my constant attention (though I don't tend to prefer spending quality time with them), but I see no logical reason to have some of my own. 
If adoption, then only 1. If more than 1, I know for a fact that I won't have enough energy to provide the need for both of them. 
If 1, than a child of older age. I would never adopt an infant due to lack of being able to provide enough emotional support which the child would require. If the child cried, I'd probably laugh at it or completely ignore it, because that's just the type of 'messed up' person I am


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## karpalo (Feb 20, 2012)

Well, two kids would be OK to have. Not now, but maybe in the future.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

E_N_T_P said:


> What do they call "good breeders" in your country?


I'm not aware of women being labeled that way at all seeing as they are generally seen as more than incubators. If a woman wants to know if shes very fertile, then I suppose she would visit an obgyn for a test. The information yielded from such a test is probably not something a man on a date with a woman typically inquires about. It would generally be seen as cretinish. Women sometimes have these things known as "a personality" (at least thats what I call it in my country) which one would hope is the more important factor in selecting a mate.


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## E_N_T_P (Aug 9, 2011)

Promethea said:


> I'm not aware of women being labeled that way at all seeing as they are generally seen as more than incubators. If a woman wants to know if shes very fertile, then I suppose she would visit an obgyn for a test. The information yielded from such a test is probably not something a man on a date with a woman typically inquires about. It would generally be seen as cretinish. Women sometimes have these things known as "a personality" (at least thats what I call it in my country) which one would hope is the more important factor in selecting a mate.



Alrighty then, how about, “100% natural, premium *maternal stock*, with personality and sense of humor, no preservatives added” . . . hmm?


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

E_N_T_P said:


> Alrighty then, how about, “100% natural, premium *maternal stock*, with personality and sense of humor, no preservatives added” . . . hmm?


Good luck with that viewpoint. Or not, obviously.


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## E_N_T_P (Aug 9, 2011)

Promethea said:


> Good luck with that viewpoint. Or not, obviously.


Thank you, lovely Mod goddess.:wink:


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## DeductiveReasoner (Feb 25, 2011)

Nope. Babies are scary, I'm miserably selfish. And being pregnant doesn't sound fun.

Except if the kid was highly intelligent, and I could teach him stuff. But since there's no guarantee, it's not worth the risk. And the poor thing would probably have a humiliating name as well, since I tend to be weird and eccentric when coming up with that sort of shit.


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## E_N_T_P (Aug 9, 2011)

DeductiveReasoner said:


> Nope. Babies are scary, I'm miserably selfish. And being pregnant doesn't sound fun.
> 
> Except if the kid was highly intelligent, and I could teach him stuff. But since there's no guarantee, it's not worth the risk. And the poor thing would probably have* a humiliating name* as well, since I tend to be weird and eccentric when coming up with that sort of shit.


My first name is a blending of the names of two characters from Mozart's opera "the magic flute"... that shouldn't stop you form having kids.


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