# Post your brain chatter.



## Tater Tot (May 28, 2012)

so I figured I'd bump this bullcrap because I am TICKED. OFF and I thought it would be useful to showcase what I'm like when I'm in a bad mood.

So pretty m- wait okay I wonder if they have a problem with bumping. Or whatever they call it. What do they call it? Not reviving, they had another word for it. It's gonna be embarrassing if they didn't have another word for bumping and I'm making it up. NECROPOSTING, that's what they called it. So nevermind. ANYWAY.

Pretty much I'm in a bad mood because ugh I can barely type because ugh

rofl okay I'm doing all this business crap for school and formatting documents and stuff and it is such a big honking pile of steamy rotten bullcrap that I can't even

who. the frick. cares. if the PAGE NUMBER is at the LEFT SIDE OF THE PAGE. IT'S STILL THE PAGE NUMBER. WHY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT NUMBER AND BE LIKE "OH IT'S AT THE LEFT SO THAT MUST MEAN IT'S JUST A RANDOM TYPO'D NUMBER FLOATING AROUND IN THE DOCUMENT INSTEAD OF BEING THE FREAKING PAGE NUMBER"

AND WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED A PAGE NUMBER OMG IF THE PAGE BREAKS AND YOU'RE STARTING A NEW PAGE, THAT'S OBVIOUSLY THE NEXT PAGE

AND ALL THIS TECHNICAL MARGIN BULLCRAP WHERE IF IT'S A MEMO THE TOP MARGIN HAS TO BE 2" AND EVERYTHING ELSE HAS TO BE 1" AND IF IT'S A BOUND REPORT THE LEFT MARGIN HAS TO BE 1.5" AND FOR SOME REASON SOME OF THE FRIGGIN PARAGRAPHS ARE ALL INDENTED WHENEVER YOU GO DOWN A FRICKIN... WHAT THE HECK IS IT CALLED

LIKE THIS:

"FUFHUIAHIFUHYUGA
FDUAFUHA"

I went down one. But whenever it goes down it's aligned with the one above it so it's like

"fhfuafuhi
ffudhaufi"

and then it has a little teeny number at the end of it which is apparently called Superscript or something which just sounds dumb.

Who the heck comes up with this stuff? "Okay yeah, if you put the page number on the first page it has to be at the bottom.." And "You know what, I think we need some extra space on this side of the paper for no friggin reason, and I'm gonna call it a margin"

well actually the 1.5" margin for the bound report makes sense because the pages are supposed to be bolted or whatever it's called so you make room for the binding thingies

I'm so upset 

I'm trying to decide if I want to really get into this crap and put my all into it for hope of a better future or just get an F and wear it proud like "Good that crap didn't deserve the effort of earning a good grade"

I'm thinking the latter because I obviously don't have a future if I break into histrionics and deep emo thoughts and reflection when I have to do one worksheet of homework. Might as well just carve "I'm useless" into my wrists with a dagger.

Okay I'm not suicidal so don't freak out I'm exaggerating

but seriously it would make sense

and nobody cares if I'm suicidal or not rofl but if for some reason a big brother type person views my internet use and sees me quipping about slitting my wrists and sends me off to the cuckoo's nest then I shall insert a disclaimer

wow, paranoid much? O_O

I'm going to bed. I started this post out in a bad mood but by the time I started ranting it was over so it still

ugh


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

madhatter said:


> How can she stop thinking? I'm an insomniac, because I can't get my brain to shut off. Can she teach me the secret?


Maybe meditation helps? I wouldn't know, though. Never tried it.

(Not thinking at all sounds pretty boring.^^

Uh, my brain chatter... I'm not sure I can describe it without being TMI, because I get my mind in the gutter easily.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

I work too much. Sixteen hours a day, including Saturday mornings. And it still doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes I wish I could just eliminate all human parts of me and become a machine. I'd be so much more efficient. It's remembering friends I used to have and fun I used to know that holds me back. Makes me hesitate occasionally and waste time. 

I'm so out of touch with myself. 

I have to keep climbing my way to the top. I know the second I stop, the second I lose focus and take my eyes off the prize for anything like fun, I'll trip. That's what happens. You relax and then life swoops in and knocks you on your ass. Happens all the time. 

Life is out to get me. And fuck it, it's not going to win. 

Right now, though, I don't feel like I'm winning.


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## wellnowwhat (May 24, 2013)

I should really become a writer.


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Heh, I like this idea. Mine's the noisiest when trying to make a decision.
_
I could go outside right now, it's so sunny, look at all them green trees and everybody walking their dogs and oh god I wish I had a dog. They're damn cute. A husky would be great, I'd have to go running with it all the time but that would be fine! I'd buy a bike and one of those leashes that connects to a dog collar so we could both go real fast, feel the wind in our hair... or fur. It'd give me the exercise I really need, I would look so much better! I don't wanna end up developing a severely debilitating illness in my old age because I never bothered to exercise.

I could go up to the woods I found last week, they were huge, great for walking through. But I don't even know where they end. There's a path but I have no idea where it comes out. I love finding new places and adventuring but I wish I at least knew for sure that I won't get hopelessly lost. That'd be horrific. I'd have to ask a stranger which way to go to get back home, what if they don't know either? I'd be calling my parents and asking them where I am and how to get back... oh god, that'd be so embarrassing. Nope, I'll have to stick to a clear path and turn back once I feel like I've gone too far. But how damn boring is that? I need a mental map that tells me exactly where I am and where to go. Like one of those arrows in video games that points in the direction you're meant to go. It'd be unsightly but useful.

What if it gets to the end of the day and I feel bad for not doing anything? I need to get my life together and actually do something when I want to do it. I won't get lost and die, even if I do get lost the forest isn't that uncomfortable... I've read enough books to know what to do to survive overnight. It shouldn't get too cold because it's May. It better not rain if it comes to that. I'd have to sleep up in a tree like Katniss, and I don't even have a rope to keep me in place. Imagine if I actually walked into a Hunger Games stimulation and couldn't leave the forest until I was the last one standing. No, don't think about that, that'll never happen, what the hell is wrong with you? Put on some more suitable clothes and just go, damn it. 
_
At this point I either throw aside all doubts and do it or repeat the entire mental chatter process again. :laughing:


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Can't tell if I'm burnt out or just weak-willed. :/


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

I want a job that's both creatively and spiritually fulfilling, but it won't happen because I don't deserve it.


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## My Name is Jack (Jan 2, 2013)

Well, here comes the whirlwind.

Whirlwind, weather, rain, it's raining out right now should I go smoke a cigarette? First one of the day, can't wait, oh wait it's fucking raining, I don't think I care now do I? Of course you don't Jack, you want to die apparently for some reason. Nah man, I just love cigarettes.

I can't get "I'm Waiting For the Day" by the Beach Boys out of my head, it's been in the background of all my thoughts all day. Day, pay day, Meowth, pokemon, 7 years old, field trip, botanical gardens, flowers, pollen, bees, bees knees, cool, swimming pool, bikinis, girls, I really need to get laid. It's always gotta come to that huh? Yeah, I guess, that's what being 20 is all about right? I wouldn't know, but you know that, then again maybe I would and I do, not sure. God damn, life is confusing.

So why are you typing this thing on PerC right now? Shit, you have jury duty don't forget again. I hope I paid those speeding tickets, I'm a moron. Oh yeah, this thing. I dunno, seems like fun. I really want to see how many likes I get. Don't have a facebook, gotta get em some ways. Maybe someone will even respond, then you can maybe get some commentary, see if other people think you're as amazing as you're sure you are. I'm sure they all feel the same way about themselves. At least those ones without the childhood abuses and neglect and whatnot. How about those girls with the abusive boyfriends, what's up with that?

Remember domestic violence Dan? That guy was a douche. Anyway, back to me. Me, me, me. Everything's gotta be about me. How can you sit back and observe yourself making the situation about you, saying those cringeworthy look at me kind of things, noting them, doing nothing to stop them. You need a lot more attention than you get huh? But then you get it and you want more, so everyone leave me alone I wish I lived in a cave, knave, glave, rave, slave, Egypt, sand in your eyes sucks, like smoke in the eyes, wow I need a cigarette.

Am I fucking manic? Here we go again. What else is wrong with you? Aspergers, adhd, schizophrenia? How about nothing, I'm just a genius. Genies, magic, remember when you wanted to be a magician when you were 5? What a stupid idea, can't even shuffle a deck of cards. Shuffle looks kind of like souffle when written down, shuffle has Germanic roots, souffle is French. Germanic tribes, savages, cannibals, headhunter, Gilligan's Island, I want to go to an island with my lover who doesn't exist. I should be a monk. Nah fuck God, that Santa Claus phony. Pff, people are retarded. I just want to beat someone into a coma. Wouldn't kill them though, that's fucked up. God, anger. School makes me angry to this day, just thinking about it. Wish I was more of a rebel. I was a coward back then, I didn't want to get in any trouble. Never backed down from a fight though.

Fight, tight, really tight pants. I should wear them. Sometimes I just want to do really feminine things. I used to play with dolls. I don't want to be a girl though, that's just weird. I'm also not gay. Not into cross-dressing and fingering my a-hole either. Why should there be a distinction between feminine and masculine behaviors?

"Dave, Dave, you need to behave,"
"but Mommy, the swami
out there in the cave,
he told me the only
one who I should listen
to is me."
Whack one, whack two, whack three.
"And if ever you talk back again
you'll find yourself locked in the den.
And if ever you talk back once more,
it's goodbye, you know your way
to the door."

The doors, Jim Morrison was a sick fuck. I want to be like him. Of course I'd be my own man and whatnot, but I'd be just as sexy. Need to grow just a wee bit more chest hair though. I must be third. But if first is the worst and second is the best, why does third get the treasure chest? That order makes no fucking sense. I make sixpence a day, just about, at work. Feels that way anyway, god damn child labor laws. I'm 20. Whatever. What? You know man.

How long am I gonna make this post anyway? Long as my mongo dick. Hee hee hee. Immaturity yeah, so cool, wooh! Why does mongo get the red underline? That's a word, granted it means a type of wool, if anything I should get the green underline but they don't have that here on PerC, only in microsoft word. God microsoft word is annoying, fuck you paperclip guy. Should have capitalized Microsoft, fuck it. Standing on a bucket trying to fuck it. Great, now I've got Insane Clown Posse in my head. Those guys suck. Mozart horn concerto number 4 allegro rondo. Da du du du du du da dah dah dah.

Great, I have work later, slater, stonework, craftsmen, masons, freemasons, illuminati, immortal technique, I'm going to be the guy who discovers the first method for immortality. Let's be real, you're going to die like everyone else. Nope.

Rope, slope, skis or math? Let's go math, bubble bath, bubbles bass, spongebob is amazing, the cows are a grazing, "once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo." This whole thing is rather Joyceish isn't it?

Prawns in a dish,
you've had your last wish,
with a kiss I'll depart from you
now and forever.
And though apart,
we'll never be severed
so never endeavor,
you clever young girl,
for diamonds or pearls,
or great things of gold
to enlover another
till I'm old
and dead.

That's all you'll all see of my head.


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## I am me (Mar 4, 2013)

im trying to think of brain chatter and coming up blank
oh wait i'm not because my brain can't ever shut up
so hmm what should i write
whatever comes to mind
looking in my room at the walls
memories of looking at the walls come to mind
what should i write
what are other people writing
maybe i should look when i'm done
finals are now
they are annoying but ya know they have to come eventually
i probably should study
why does everything end up back at school
thinking about a project i handed in today
and putting everything in my bag which got soaked
my walk home was very nice
but everyone was staring because i was dripping wet
anyway why am i still writing
it's funny that i think so fast that i keep forgetting what i want to write
i should study for my regents
i wonder what public school is like
it would be great to get out early
but it would be terrible for me in so many other ways
i still need to find my metro card
i wonder where i left it
thinking back and coming up blank
i feel like i am forcing this out because i usually never finish thoughts
writing down my thoughts is way too linear
my thoughts are more like a mush
i don't want to write anymore so i guess i'll just stop
and i almost forgot what i was previously thinking about but it came back
sadly


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

That moment when you realize test questions are horribly biased toward a certain way of thinking...Why can nobody seem to write a decent, unbiased test that is unambiguous and fair? Take a look at this question from a GRE test prep book:

In the course of the passage, the author does all of the following EXCEPT
A) define a term
B) cite an authority
C) state a probability
D) qualify a statement
E) make an assertion

How can you expect everyone to be using the same definitions of these terms? What qualifies as "citing an authority"? The passage mentioned "a recent assessment of the status of global amphibian populations" which could be implying that some kind of study was conducted by the authorities of the field. But according to the book, the answer was B meaning that no authority was cited. This also means that the people who made this test question consider the article to have stated a probability simply by using the word "probably". There was nothing in the article about % chance or specific likelihoods or probabilities.

So I end up wasting time and effort trying to figure out what the test makers intended by these ambiguous terms, and if I guess wrong my score suffers. That's not even what my score is supposed to be measuring. It's supposed to measure my ability to comprehend the text, but it's stupid because it ends up being about the test maker's ability to adequately write an unambiguous question. This isn't the only time I've noticed poorly worded or ambiguous test questions. They're everywhere, it's pretty bad.

Ambiguity stands out to me so much that I wonder how other people miss it. Don't they have people review these questions to make sure they're worded well and meet certain standards of quality? How did they miss this? I mean I can understand teacher-written tests having occasional ambiguity issues, but the GRE? Really? Although I should consider that I don't really know where these questions came from. They might not be from an actual GRE test since this is just a test prep book. Though it's possible they take questions from old exams.

I am not sure how well this qualifies as "brain chatter" though. I have a really hard time just writing without filtering/editing what I've written and trying to give it some structure. So I've basically just written what's on my mind right now.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Hmm, maybe I should give this a try, though I think faster than I type, so I doubt this will be entirely-

Fuck, I'm hungry

I just ate though

I like my... uh, what was the English word for this again oh right curtain. It's a shame I never finished that drawing maybe I should finish it now, but I'm too lazy. Her hands were too hard to draw and here I thought I drew decent hands, but I guess I slipped back to being crap at hands again. I really should practice more often so my skills don't regress or something. My scalp itches. Maybe I should grow my bangs out they're a pain to maintain.

I think that rhymed.

Yeah I somehow doubt anyone will find this very interesting. I think about a lot of nonsense most of the time I think (lol my screen name is so fitting), but then i guess actually I find it pretty likely that most people think about nonsense a lot of times (god I hate repeating myself like this I suck at English 

)

Man I'm feeling way too clever right now. I really say (or write) "man" too often though. I shouldn't feel the need to start all my sentences with useless words honestly. Okay maybe I should close the google translate tab but then again I could think of another word I need to translate. I'm glad google translate exists it is so useful (and sometimes not so useful but hilarious. well a lot of the time I guess). Shit I haven't checked tumblr for 5 minutes it's tempting to go do so now BUT I'M not addicted actually I kind of want to rewatch Kaiji but it's not that long since I watched it. Still, maybe I could get inspiration for something to draw. It's kind of late for that now, however, but then I'm usually in the best mood to do stuff at this time

Actually I should pay this bill I just got, it's a reminder :/ I really suck at paying my bills I keep getting reminders yet I think I'm an SP dom but at least I'm better at saving my money than some people (like my mom, but then she also has several people to buy food for I only have myself to worry about so I shouldn't be THAT smug). 

Yeah that's probably enough brain-chatter. Wow, this was easier than I thought it would be.


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## 6007 (Feb 12, 2010)

God, I love fashion. I don't think there's anything better than the perfect outfit. Just capturing a perfect expression of feeling, creating a feeling, impression, whatever. 

Well, that led nowhere. So much for brain chatter. When I'm done with a thought it just vanishes, huh? Yep, I think that's historically accurate regarding me. Either that or I'm tired. I'm not a morning person. I probably won't be awake for another hour or two. I'm hungry. My legs hurt. I can feel the fan on my arms. It's moving my hair. Damnit, I missed a whole lock of hair putting my hair into that ponytail bun. Why do I always do that? How hard is it to put ALL of the hair up? I ask you. The breeze is making my neck cold. My shoulders hurt. Actually, burn. I guess my workout is to blame. What should I eat? I love my house. Look at those books and pictures. I am so glad I got them. I have so many awesome things to look at and inspire me...


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

I think all introverts have a lot of "brain chatter."


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## 6007 (Feb 12, 2010)

I remember in 7th grade, first day of Honor's English in a new school. Looking around the classroom at my new peers and thinking "God, what a bunch of nerds." One in particular looked like a Snork. Then I saw one girl, wearing a tie-dye shirt and a weird necklace. What was that necklace? A tooth? A skull? A tiger's eye? Hm. Whatever it was, I know there was a necklace. The fact that I had been a bit nerdy (well, mostly just an oddball who was called "eccentric") the previous year didn't seem to enter my mind, as I was certain I was awesome, wow, I was always really confident huh, in my worldview or whatever, really confident that I was awesome and everyone else was blind or that if they didn't see it that wasn't my problem, I wouldn't convince them... Anyway I can't believe after class I said "I noticed you were the only cool person in this class, we should be friends." Which is something I would never have said to anyone, ever. I think the only remotely ballsy thing I had ever done previously was admitting I had a crush on someone right in front of him, when his yellow toothed friend said "you like X don't you?" trying to embarrass me. And instead I was like "yeah, what are you going to do about it?" and finished passing out papers like a boss. Dude, I didn't give a #2. X always made fun of me, made me cry a couple of times, but I did not care, he was cute and I liked him anyway. That was the first of 3 unrequited crushes on boys called X. For me, I guess I didn't always care about reciprocity, I wonder why that was? Maybe because my feelings or attraction were satisfying to me. Of course, I tried in my own insinuating way to silently seduce all three X's, but they just didn't feel my charisma, and that's ok. Besides, by the time I was 15 I had my first really big romance anyway, all because I marched right up to my crush and told him "my feels for you are driving me insane, it's ok if you don't like me, I will not make it awkward or be weird, but I had to let you know so I could get over it." Only he was like, I like you, you have balls of steel (he actually said "I can't believe how brave you are" to me). And here I thought that the only reason I told him I liked him was because I saw a movie whilst flipping through tv channels and over images of war the following was said "It's like an old proverb, tell the truth and run." But thinking back now, I realize I really started two years earlier, just by saying "I noticed you were the only cool person in this class room, we should be friends. These people are so nerdy I am going to die of boredom without anyone interesting to talk to."

It's pretty weird, right now, shuffling through these mental snapshots. I never seemed to worry about how other people felt about me, I just always assumed the best, that if I wanted someone or something bad enough, I would get it. And if I didn't, I'd find something else to want, and it would be fine. I wonder if it's because of all that creative visualization I started doing at ten, and reading those weird self-help books about positive thinking at 12. (I bought that one accidentally at the thrift store and read it, loved it, lived it.) Or is it because of my mom? I just rarely ever doubted my ability to attract, regardless of how many failures I had, and there were many. Weird. There really was a lot of, I don't think I considered it rejection, but a lot of instances where people just didn't "get me", but I usually seemed to have one really good friend, and one really good friend was better than all the popularity in the world. I remember thinking "you only need two people". As a kid, I often had two best friends, and I was the glue (only I never seemed to notice that, I always thought they were just as friendly). I always seemed to keep a pattern of three. It wasn't until I became an adult that I changed. Now I just consider all my real friends best friends, and everyone else acquaintances. I don't really understand how friendships start, I sometimes think I might be mentally challenged. I know how to form intimate friendships, but casual ones are really odd. I can never tell if someone thinks we're close, or if they, like me, realize that since we're hanging in a group that we're not close. It's hard to attach to people who don't fill in the blanks or ratchet up the intensity, somehow. I get laughably frustrated when I attempt to connect and don't, even though I rarely realize that's what I'm doing, until later and I'm like "that wasn't satisfying, I wonder why." "I feel like I just wasted all of my energy, ho hum, how dreary." I will be hanging out with three friend/aquaintances tonight, ack why did I say yes, I've been dreading it for 2 days, but... the unknown is too compelling. WHAT IF I LEARN SOMETHING? What if we talk about something, and I can extract a kernel of interest? My actions are always the indicator, my feelings are too confusing. I keep going, I must be getting something out of it. When I stop wanting to, I just stop.

The end.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

I'll have to think about it first


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