# How do I get my SJ parents to accept my best friend?



## runningoutofink (Sep 25, 2011)

Hi everyone, recently I've been having some disagreements with my parents, who are both SJs, and I was hoping I could get some advice here. 

My best friend is an ENFP. She's a load of fun, and I love hanging out with her. However, my parents, especially my mom (ESTJ), have very low opinions of her because she can be quite unreliable - she's quite forgetful, and my parents think she plays too much and works too little, to paraphrase what they said (though there is a grain of truth to that). Also, last year my best friend and I had a huge argument and we were both really hurt by it, and as a result avoided each other for a few months. My mom still thinks the argument was entirely my best friend's fault, no matter how many times I tell her it was actually both of our faults, and because of that, she's firmly convinced that my best friend had "betrayed my trust" and isn't a worthy friend. When it's exactly the opposite! I can't count the number of times we've stood up for each other, comforted each other, helped each other out, and I know my best friend can be quirky and unreliable, but she means well. 

Anyway, my parents have been telling me to stop being friends with her for over a year, even after we made up and everything went back to normal. My mom especially, will always ask questions suspiciously about my best friend every time she hears we have hung out together. What annoys me - no, angers and hurts me most, is that my mom, for some reason, refuses to see my best friend as a good person, and I have no idea why! Things came to a head today, when I told my parents about my plans to spend more time with my best friend during October to December (we like to write stories together), and they... well, they weren't very welcome to the idea, to say the least. 

I really would appreciate some advice on how to make my parents at least see some good in my best friend. All of them are really important to me, and I hate knowing that my parents disapprove of my best friend. Right now, my best friend doesn't know they don't approve of her, and I'd rather she not know, because she can be very sensitive and I don't want her to be hurt. 

Thank you very much for your advice in advance )


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## MonieJ (Nov 22, 2010)

Tell them it hurts you when they say stuff like that about her and while you did fight about whatever it's in the past and if yall can forgive and forget then so should they. 

SJs are extremely loyal so you have to show them that she can be trusted.


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## Adesi (Aug 9, 2011)

"You don't have to like my best friend or be friends with her, but I ask that you respect my decision in remaining friends with her, as it is my decision to make."

Explain the ways you *can* depend on each her, and the ways you *can* rely on her. Make one list of the qualities that your parents don't like, and why you accept each of these. Make another list of qualities your parents don't see that you do, and why these good qualities are important to you.

Pro/con lists are good for SJs .

Like @_MonieJ_ said, SJs really admire loyalty, dependability and integrity. But it's important to understand that for every person, to know in what ways they can be trusted, because not any person can be trusted in every way, and I think every person has a way in which they can be trusted. 

Perhaps tell you parents, "I understand that she can be forgetful, or unreliable in these ways, and I accept that in her. Everyone has their faults. But everyone has their good qualities too." Here, list the qualities that you respect in her, and the ways in which you can depend on her, and why you are friends with her for these reasons. 

Having friends is loving for their good qualities and despite their bad. Everyone has both of these in them, and it's up to each individual to understand which qualities are important to him or her.


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## Jem11899 (Jan 4, 2011)

@runningoutofink

Haha. This sounds like my sister's friend. My little sister is an ESFP and she was friends with an ISTP. My little sister was always hanging out with this girl and they did nothing but play all day. I'm kind of the maternal figure in my family, so when she was failing, literally failing, in school and still hanging out with her ISTP friend all day... Well, it kind of pissed me off. So, I didn't like the ISTP friend at all. Anyways, then my little sis got suspended from school for a couple of weeks because she was tagging along with her little ISTP friend. But, of course my sister was like, "It wasn't her fault. I shouldn't have been there with her...," or whatever. I didn't care. I grounded her and told her she couldn't see her friend while she was suspended and that she had to, from now on, finish her homework and chores before she went to play with her friend. But, really I didn't want my sis to hang out with her friend at all. 

It wasn't until meeting her and talking to her multiple times that I enjoyed having her around. My sister's little ISTP friend was smart and cool and, sure a little reckless, but, still. A couple of months of her hanging around the house, I started to like her. I wish my little sister could be more like her. She was a leader sort of person and pretty cool for her age. My sister is kind of a dork and follower, but, I love her anyways.  

Just bring your friend around and let her just talk to your parents. Don't push it, just let it kind of happen. Tell your parents to loosen up. If I can, then they can. Let them see how happy she makes you and how well you get along. I'm sure they'll get it and accept it if they see you're happy.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

sounds like the same differences they see in you (vs them) they are seeing in your friend... meaning to them she is a bad influence. This may not be the case in actuality but its how they see it. They also likely are concerned with the fight (because abused trust is a huge deal) my suggestion to you is to sit down with your mom and tell her that you understand her concerns with your friend and you appreciate her worrying for you, but you need to make your own mistakes and choices in life. If she hurts you again you will get over it.


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