# How INTROVERTS communicate. * I <3 Introverts.



## Kalifornia310 (Jan 7, 2010)

Introverted personality traits and types are different than extroverted personality types in three major ways, according to Dr Marti Olsen Laney in _The Introvert Advantage_. Introverts are energized by their inner worlds while extroverts are energized by outer worlds. That is, introverts get their energy from themselves – their ideas, emotions and impressions. Extroverts get their energy from people, activities, and things outside of themselves.
Introverted personality types don’t thrive on a variety of stimuli, while extroverts do. Introverts tend to gain experience with a narrow, in-depth focus. Extroverted personality types tend to get experience and knowledge through a wide variety of people, places and things.
Introverts may like people very much, but find it draining to be around anyone too long. People with introverted personality traits feel overwhelmed more quickly than extroverts do - especially in group settings.
*How Introverts Communicate*

In _The Introvert Advantage_, Dr Laney says that introverts tend to:


Keep energy, enthusiasm and excitement to themselves. Introverts hesitate before sharing personal information.
Need time to think before they respond. Introverts need time to reflect before reacting.
Prefer communicating one to one. People with introverted personality traits don’t like parties and groups as much as extroverts do.
May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t, because they’re “always going over things in their head.”
Need to be invited to speak or be drawn out. Introverts tend to prefer written over verbal communication.
*10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personality Traits*

These tips on talking to introverts work well with anybody – introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between!




Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in _The Introvert Advantage_.
Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.
Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
Give them a chance to talk. Offer silence, which may prompt people with introverted personality traits to share their thoughts.
Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly.
Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate.
Use nonverbal communication. According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits.
Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation.
Get comfortable with a different conversational pace. Learn to value how introverts communicate - because it is different than people with extroverted personality traits!

Read more at Suite101: How Introverts Communicate: 10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personality Traits How Introverts Communicate: 10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personality Traits




((( i thought this was interesting, I pretty much handle an Introvert this way already, It good to see my methods validated by an external source! yay happy!roud: )))



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## GreenCoyote (Nov 2, 2009)

Kalifornia310 said:


> Introverted personality traits and types are different than extroverted personality types in three major ways, according to Dr Marti Olsen Laney in _The Introvert Advantage_. Introverts are energized by their inner worlds while extroverts are energized by outer worlds. That is, introverts get their energy from themselves – their ideas, emotions and impressions. Extroverts get their energy from people, activities, and things outside of themselves.
> Introverted personality types don’t thrive on a variety of stimuli, while extroverts do. Introverts tend to gain experience with a narrow, in-depth focus. Extroverted personality types tend to get experience and knowledge through a wide variety of people, places and things.
> Introverts may like people very much, but find it draining to be around anyone too long. People with introverted personality traits feel overwhelmed more quickly than extroverts do - especially in group settings.
> *How Introverts Communicate*
> ...



this is actually really helpful.

although I do like parties and hanging out with groups... sometimes.
I usually remain one to one.

not sure if I am a100% introvert however I do think I am one.

totally was having some type descrepancies. perfect information to clear it up though.
thanks kal


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## Kalifornia310 (Jan 7, 2010)

always glad to Clarify and help! yay happy!


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

Very cool article. Thank you for that. :happy:


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## Hrothgarsdad (Mar 29, 2012)

Yes, these are fine strategies. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle extraverts.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

I must admit I do enjoy a good kiss on the cheek....especially from random strangers.


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## hylogenesis (Apr 26, 2012)

I prefer to not have so much physical touching (it's just as overstimulating as much of the social crap that I have to deal with), but I do pick up incredibly well on body language--no touching or eye contact required. I can have an entire conversation through subtle changes in posture and never have to look _directly _at the person.

Just as a contributing thought...


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

Kalifornia310;344329
In [I said:


> The Introvert Advantage[/I], Dr Laney says that introverts tend to:
> 
> 
> Keep energy, enthusiasm and excitement to themselves. Introverts hesitate before sharing personal information.
> ...


Yes, I'd say this is true. I think it's good to note that Introversion isn't just about not being a 'people person' but is at it's core about being over-stimulated by external things which includes people, but isn't limited to that. Noise, motion, visually 'loud' things around us (often part and parcel of group settings) can be distracting and tiring making it harder to focus on interacting with someone and harder to gather our thoughts. 

Personally I think a Key is QUALITY interaction
1. I know I don't like feeling like I'm not giving a person or conversation my full attention. 
2. I don't like spending energy on interaction that doesn't seem to have any significance or purpose (which would be why 'small talk' is usually not our thing)



> *10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personality Traits*
> 
> Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
> Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
> ...


These are things I would disagree with, though the others were pretty good.

- it's good to have time to think, but for some of us schedualing isn't something we work well with, and sometimes knowing ahead of time will result in being able to think about NOTHING else but rehashing all the possible ways the conversation could go in our minds which means getting nothing else done until we've had this planned discussion.

- Many of us HATE when people try to draw us out. We don't like playing 20 questions with people we don't know well and may have no intention of getting to know well. Asking us a lot of questions can feel rather......Hostile. 

- For some, notably NTs, repetition can be really annoying. Now, it is sometimes good to check that you are actually understanding someone, but please please don't try repeating everything. Checking what I said every time is going to make me personally feel like either I must be horrible at communicating or you must be horrible at listening and maybe we should just give up altogether on this conversation.

- Personally I am a fan of affection, HOWEVER for most Introverts I know touch is not welcome from people outside their inner circle, so if you're not in that circle then stick to nonverbal cues that do not involve entering an Introvert's personal space bubble. Seriously, doing so can be traumatizing for them, feels hostile and disrepectful, causes panic and/or indignation.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

Aelthwyn said:


> - Many of us HATE when people try to draw us out. We don't like playing 20 questions with people we don't know well and may have no intention of getting to know well. Asking us a lot of questions can feel rather......Hostile.


So true! Thanks for pointing this out.
I've got an ESsomethingsomething colleague who is totally hyper and wants to befriend literally everyone. He asks everyone three questions at a time, then gets distracted by 3 other people, asks _them_ 3 questions each and never listens to anybody. I feel totally cornered by him and try to avoid him. Just having to talk to him for 5 minutes makes me physically sick and tired and totally paranoid.


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## nuue (Jul 15, 2010)

Kalifornia310 said:


> Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
> Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in _The Introvert Advantage_.
> Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.
> Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
> ...



1. "me... you... noon. GLOBAL WARMING!" 
I'd probably go... "o.o wtf? whyyyyy? No." I consider this weird in my opinion.

2. Yes. Please don't interrupt. Not because it takes energy... but because it's good manners.

3. I prefer written communication because there's no filter and no time gap from my thoughts to my fingers like there is through my mouth.

4. No. No no no. Don't draw me out. I get annoyed when people ask too many questions. Sure ask 'how are you?' you'll get 'fine' in return. Always. End of discussion. 'how's your day?' ... 'boring.' .... 'anything exciting?' ... 'nope.' ...... 'nice weather....' .... 'yup'. If I know you're playing 20 questions... you'll get 20 one word responses. Share how your day went, say something interesting, comment on something you saw. Initiate the conversation first... but don't be weird about it.

5. We'll share our thoughts when we feel like it. If you offer silence, and we're not up for it.... you get... silence... crickets... 

6.  I like this. Although I don't mind spending time with others not quietly. Just thereafter I'd need to recharge my social batteries and be away from human population. My batteries are not solar powered.

7. Do. Not. Repeat. Unless. It's. Important. Information. Repeating what I said like a parrot...... ugh. I'd wonder what's up with you. No offense.

8. No physical contact please unless you are a close friend or close family member. Thank you. <33333

9. I can be with people. I don't mind being with people. I hate people who drag me unwillingly into conversations and things. Let me be me, I let you be you.

10. I can tell you that is true.


My 10 cents on this. XD


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## elenien (Apr 20, 2012)

nuue said:


> 4. No. No no no. Don't draw me out. I get annoyed when people ask too many questions. Sure ask 'how are you?' you'll get 'fine' in return. Always. End of discussion. 'how's your day?' ... 'boring.' .... 'anything exciting?' ... 'nope.' ...... 'nice weather....' .... 'yup'. If I know you're playing 20 questions... you'll get 20 one word responses. Share how your day went, say something interesting, comment on something you saw. Initiate the conversation first... but don't be weird about it.


LOL! Yes! This is so true. 

I always feel so awkward when people ask questions like that. For some reason I just have a mental block against anything more than one word answers. The questions just don't encourage it  On the other hand, start a conversation around me and I'm likely to join in before long.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Yeah I love introverts as well, I bow down to my masters.


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