# Why in the living hell can’t I motivate myself to work out ?



## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

I’ve never been a sports person. I’ve tried many from when I was 6 up until my high school years. These experiences have been unpleasant at best, and a thorough humiliation at worst which would have me literally cry in a corner and want to crawl under a rock to take a 15-hour nap. 

I’m now 25, with a certain will to get in better shape but I just can’t. Or rather, I don’t know how to make myself WANT to work out. 

I know it’s better for my health, for my body shape, for my self confidence, but somehow when I’ve got time to go to the gym, I always manage to find an excuse. I’m too tired, it’s been a long day, I’m on my period, I need to go groceries shopping first, you name it. Every reason under the sun is a good reason to stay on the couch instead. 

I’m not in a particular bad state of health, although improvements are certainly welcome. Everybody around me thinks I’m tiny and skinny, which is not entirely false since I’m 5’1’’ and just around 102lbs. (That being said I just think I’m below average and not teeny tiny). But I’ve got a fat belly, no strength whatsoever and my heart is kinda weak too, I get worked up fast when I have to climb stairs or any effort that goes beyond walking at a normal pace. 

I’ve even tried an online coach last year, although I abandoned that quite early because even with that, I couldn’t bring myself to go to the gym regularly. 

However, I’ve met someone recently, and this guy is in great shape. My boyfriend works out regularly and basically, he used to be in my shoes in the past (except he liked sports). He used to be much skinnier and had back problems, but ever since he started working out for real he looks amazing. I will try to work out with him (certainly not at the same intensity though aha), but I’d also like to find the motivation to do that on my own. 

So my question is: to all people who’ve been in the same mindset, what triggered you to actually start working out regularly, and most importantly how have you managed to keep working out for a long period (let’s say a year or plus?). There were periods where I would work out 3 times a week and then do absolutely nothing for months. 

Thanks for your help !!


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## Etiennette (Mar 8, 2017)

Hello Chamberlain, I’m sorry to hear that. Rest assured that this problem will pass, because I believe that you have the capability to solve this issue. 

The most important thing here is not to push yourself too hard. I know you want to get in shape and see fast results, but the best strategy is to take it slow. Especially since your BMI is around 19, you wouldn’t want to lose so much weight in such little time. You should focus on strength and endurance exercises.

The key is to establish a routine and do it nearly mechanically. By mechanically I mean that whenever it’s a new day, you act like clockwork and just exercise—with no feelings whatsoever. Once that happens, exercising feels just like walking in your head; you do it, but you don’t mind it. This way you won’t have to rely on motivation to strike in order to exercise. 

To get this effect, try scheduling a time to exercise every day. It would help to schedule when your boyfriend exercises so he can remind you, or you can download an app that reminds you. You must keep the scheduling constant; for example, tell yourself that you want to exercise every afternoon at 2 for 10 minutes. Notice how I said 10 minutes; when developing a habit, it’s going to stick better if you don’t feel too intimidated at first. The goal is not how long you exercise in a day, but how many times you exercise over a course of a _few months._

Another helpful tool I use is this body fat calculator by Omni: click here
It’s a formula developed by the US army, and it only has a slight margin of error (around 0-3%). The descriptions to the right describe how the formula works, as well as ideal body fat percentages according to your age. It’s a good idea to use this to track your progress, as the BMI system won’t help very much.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Chamberlain said:


> So my question is: to all people who’ve been in the same mindset, what triggered you to actually start working out regularly,


Being homeless started it. I got a lot of exercise and noticed that my body was capable of more than I'd imagined. I rode my bike a lot and noticed how much I liked it, so I got interested in cycling. You might get a similar effect by taking a mildly to moderately physically demanding job. Something that forces you to exercise so that you don't have to generate the motivation yourself.

Homelessness also led to my being a bit overweight via an unideal diet, so I planned to lose weight once I was housed. After 3 years of homelessness, almost everything else in life seemed easy. I started dieting once I got an apartment, and I wanted to lose weight quickly, so I just started exercising one day. I told myself that I only had to do like 10 minutes to start. 

Eventually, 10 minutes seems easy and you do more without having to force yourself. Then you move the goal up to 15 or 20 minutes or whatever. Always commit yourself to *less* than you feel like you can do; that way you avoid the psychological resistance to sticking to something difficult. As your body gets in shape, exercise becomes easier and more enjoyable. When you think about exercising, think about those pleasant physical sensations to motivate yourself.



> and most importantly how have you managed to keep working out for a long period (let’s say a year or plus?). There were periods where I would work out 3 times a week and then do absolutely nothing for months.


Finding workouts that I actually like and find relatively easy to do, getting a home gym, dislike of the feeling of failure that comes with abandoning goals, enjoying the physical sensations of physical exertion, enjoying my newfound strength and changes in my physique, having distractions (music/youtube/ebooks while on my spinning bike and music while walking) to avoid boredom, sticking to a routine (eventually, missing a workout feels strange).

Sounds like you need something other than the gym. A sport, speed-walking, an aerobics class maybe. Walking/cycling to work/school/whatever maybe. Just find something you can do on autopilot (if generating motivation is the problem) or something that engages your mind enough (if boredom is the problem).


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## Aiwass (Jul 28, 2014)

I'm in the same boat here. Curious to read more tips.

I simply can't bring myself to work out. It is uncomfortable and boring to me. The results don't come fast enough, so I don't feel rewarded.


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## bleurhg (Mar 19, 2018)

*Why in the living hell can’t I motivate myself to work out ?*

What triggered me to work out:
I used to have an anxiety disorder and exercise was the only thing that calmed me down. Also, I had been a bit overweight my whole life and was just sick of feeling fat.

What motivates me:
After seeing results, you never want to go back. I have lost 35 lbs in the past year and am in the best shape of my life. And I will never regress because so much work went into getting fit, I will never let myself become overweight again. 

You HAVE to make it your lifestyle, otherwise you will quit after awhile. And you HAVE to keep going, even if you don’t see results (which is the hardest part). It took about four months of strength training before I lost any fat. Don’t become discouraged. 

But here are some tips for you:
-If you don’t do it already, DO STRENGTH TRAINING. It makes all the difference in the world. I didn’t lose any weight until I started building muscles. 
-Buy some dumbbell weights and some kettlebells and workout at home. That’s what I’ve done for the past year and it worked better than going to the gym 
-Create a Pinterest board and pin a bunch of different workouts to it. Then you will have plenty of different options to choose from and it will be more fun. Here’s a link to my fitness board, if you want to use it: https://pin.it/v6bsacbvtmbcf5
(I use this board to workout every single day)
-Watch fat acceptance videos on YouTube while you work out. I’m dead serious, I do it all the time. If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will. 
-To go with the last tip, you can also watch tv/movies or listen to music or podcasts while you work out. I know I get really bored if I don’t do this.


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## PerfectlyImperfect (Jul 22, 2018)

Chamberlain said:


> I’ve never been a sports person. I’ve tried many from when I was 6 up until my high school years. These experiences have been unpleasant at best, and a thorough humiliation at worst which would have me literally cry in a corner and want to crawl under a rock to take a 15-hour nap.
> 
> I’m now 25, with a certain will to get in better shape but I just can’t. Or rather, I don’t know how to make myself WANT to work out.
> 
> ...


I don't have an answer but if you figure one out will you let me know


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## Bastard (Feb 4, 2018)

Honestly, it's one of those things that you just _do_. It's not cerebral, it's not based on how you feel*. You do it and you do it and it becomes habit. 

It _is_ harder for those with a penchant of thinking about and abstracting things. There is no magical fix aside from developing willpower and routine. 

* Emotionally. Used to go to the gym even when I was crook. Usually did help shrugging it off. Once I threw up halfway through a military press.


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## DoIHavetohaveaUserName (Nov 25, 2015)

Chamberlain said:


> I’ve never been a sports person. I’ve tried many from when I was 6 up until my high school years. These experiences have been unpleasant at best, and a thorough humiliation at worst which would have me literally cry in a corner and want to crawl under a rock to take a 15-hour nap.
> 
> I’m now 25, with a certain will to get in better shape but I just can’t. Or rather, I don’t know how to make myself WANT to work out.
> 
> ...


I had similar issues during depression(Not the Obama period or the great depression).I found a way ,I read books almost daily,so I was going to the park primarily for thinking,so thinking while walking or jogging might feel weird but once Si takes over it would be a background process like running multiple applications in windows Os.


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## Finny (Jul 17, 2015)

To find your motivation to work out there are a few things you have to consider...

1.) Do you like to eat? 
Considering your weight, if you work out you will _have_ to eat more. Not only because you are expending extra calories, but because you are already a bit underweight for your height. A healthier weight would be closer to 110-115, even 120. 

2.) Do you want to have children in the future?
If you are underweight it is harder to have children. I have a friend who's 5'3 and 100lbs and at the moment she would not be able to successfully carry children if she wanted them. Even my mother who was 5'4 and 120lbs when she got pregnant was told to carry me successfully she had to gain a good 10-20 extra pounds. I know you are still young, but if you are naturally skinny, or struggle to gain weight, carrying children be difficult in the future. However, working out can aid you in gaining weight in a healthy manner. 

3.) There are so many ways to workout.
Considering that you're a bit underweight, you will not want to do cardio (ex: running, biking, circuit training / HIIT). However, you may benefit from calisthenics (bodyweight movement that will help you navigate in space better - pull ups, push ups, L-sits, pistol squats, etc), yoga, powerlifting, or bodybuilding. 

Don't just go to the gym and do whatever. It's easy to get discouraged when you don't know what you're doing and you don't learn about it. Look up fitness YouTubers who do different types of workout styles, and see if a certain type motivates you or makes you want to learn more. When you set goals for yourself that you know you can accomplish, that you want to accomplish, it becomes much easier.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

Well firstly, you mustn't say that you can't. 

It's pretty straight-forward really. You haven't formed the habit, and it hasn't been enjoyable to you so you'll make excuses. 
You've probably pushed yourself too much in the past when you've tried. 
Like, going to the gym? Forget about that, you can do that later if you really want to. It's cool that you tried an exercise coach, but they would benefit you more once you've maintained a routine. 

So start small & make it enjoyable. 

Commit to doing at least a minute to 5 mins max of pure exercise a day (running, pushups, crunches, etc). See if you've developed a motivation to go further once a month is over. 

As for making exercise enjoyable. Try listening to music, an audiobook, or something that'll entertain you while you do it. That's what I do.


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## TheProphetLaLa (Aug 18, 2014)

Start small and consistent. Try to find someone to work out with that you enjoy spending time with. Would you at least be able to go on walks?


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## Chompy (May 2, 2015)

Just being up on your feet sometimes is better than nothing, maybe find a hobby that involves movement. I collect minerals and stuff which makes me move around a lot, also, personally my job involves movement.

I hate exercise, I joined a gym a while back and the cost was eating into my rent money. So all I could do was get a hobby. Swimming is relaxing too, I recommend doing laps with music.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

There are a few things that get in my way regarding motivation: 


Not being challenged enough
Not having a goal
Workouts that don't fit with a goal if I already have one
Lack of structure
Lack of understanding of what I am doing
Inability to notice progress (I know you can't see full results instantly, but for example: I feel like if I don't get sore, I didn't accomplish anything- but maybe that's just a me thing and not objectively true. Also, you can notice progress if you need to increase your weights over a shorter-term period of time because it starts getting too easy.)
Actually getting to the gym
Too many people in the gym forcing me to modify my routine (goes along with lack of structure)
The sense that I'm doing it because I "have to" (applies to a lot of things)

I started working out at home, that led me to a few of these roadblocks... I felt like I was plateauing due to lack of weight and it wasn't challenging me in the right way, not really getting where I needed to be, and lacking structure. The final straw that led me to join the gym was when I couldn't find a place to use my (adjustable) pullup bar at home because all the door frames are weird sizes. I even tried to find somewhere to mount one to the wall instead, but couldn't find the wall studs (I think the place has been redone a bunch of times or something because my studfinder was finding something every few inches..) I got frustrated and finally caved and joined a gym. 

I think having a trainer helps because they can provide feedback, give you a better idea of what you should actually be doing, and give you some incentive to come back (perhaps regularly). Also if the gym is accessible it's harder to make the excuse that it's too far away or you're too tired/busy. I find it harder to go lately because it's hot here and I don't like the heat. Especially not when my body is going to be generating more of it. 

An in-person coach would probably provide more motivation than an online one. Personally someone/something being online always makes it feel a bit less personal. Like I've taken classes online that I just can't take as seriously because I know they aren't really targeted towards "me", or even the specific group of people I'm taking the class with, in any particular way. So it's like, how do I know if I'm even going to learn what I should from this? Same thing with workouts. 

Before joining the gym I was using workouts from FitnessBlender on YouTube. While that provided a bit more consistency once I identified the ones I thought were best for me... I was also discouraged by the fact I didn't have the equipment I needed for the most challenging workouts, and again, the sense I was kinda making it up as I went along and not getting feedback from someone who's already trained. 

My main goal has always been mass gaining because I am borderline underweight, though relatively satisfied with my body fat content, going by appearance at least (like I can probably gain more and it'd be okay but I think where I am now, with more muscle would be a better idea). So another thing I got discouraged by was feeling like everything was cardio this, fat burning that. Particularly when you are trying to rely on just your body weight and your home, and not equipment, gyms and trainers. (I also had to do a lot of cardio stuff in high school gym class and hated it, and a lot of kids were out of shape anyway making it seem pointless...so double whammy. Lol walking and running for "exercise" and "fresh air" to me is... not a thing. It's just depressing). 

Basically feeling like I had a place to go to get done what I really needed to, to accomplish my goals. That's a big part of it. So is just you being able to convince yourself that this is a healthier option than not working out. 

I will say though there's also the convenience factor even at home. So if you have a resistance band, a dumbbell or two, a stationary bike, or just something with easy access - a pull up bar in the door is a good one too IF IT FITS haha - it makes it easier to just use it because it's there. I've also found having to set things up or move things around to be a deterrent. 

I'm a more "cerebral" type so I agree with what was said above, that can make it harder to be motivated. But having to worry about all the little details of it makes it even more discouraging. I'm this way with most "doing" types of activities, like cooking... I like that even less than exercising (I've come to like working out as long as it's something enjoyable and useful), and I hate having other inconveniences there as well like not having the right "special" utensils or the one essential missing ingredient or something. It becomes like, "fuck it I just want to eat, I'll find a less annoying way". lol. So yeah, making it as convenient as possible.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Maybe you are making too big goals in your mind for it, i.e. that you'll go to the gym and do everything you'd like to do, etc. Maybe start small, like saying you'll go to walk on the treadmill for a bit, or do 3-4 machines. Once you're there for some time doing easier stuff, you'll develop the will to push yourself more.


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## ponpiri (Apr 30, 2017)

Find what you enjoy doing. For me it's dancing and being active outside, rather than going to the gym doing boring reps. So far my motivation to work out has been lacking because I'm stuck at home due to my schedule. But starting next week I'll be back outside in the mornings and busting it to old Taebo tapes until my schedule changes again.


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## NeonMidget (Aug 7, 2017)

What finally tipped the scales for me was the fact that I literally have no excuses not to work out. Instead of scrolling down social media feeds or other time wasting activities, workout.

My body is in my control, I won't get a good body or stay healthy by not working out so there really is no reason that I shouldn't do what I can to stay fit. Looking good is secondary. 

I started off doing 15-20 mins of strength training 5 days a week in the evenings. I have now moved on to a mix of strength, toning and sculpting just for the heck of it. 

My schedule has changed a bit so I no longer workout as often during the week but I do around 40-60min 3 or more times a week on days when I do have time to workout. 

It is reasonable, doable and applicable longterm, the biggest thing to think about is can you sustain your workout routine. People workout but many only do it for a few years but you need to think life long. You have to find what works for you and what works isn't one size fits all.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

When I lost a lot of weight at one point I had a personal trainer and a diet consisting of salad and chicken. That's it. I worked out about at least 10 hours a week I think. But that might not be so healthy. I did yoga, zumba, football, strenth and had personal training. I started to run reaally fast and hardly ever lost my breath at all but the diet was boring and my muscles got sore like every other day (which can shorten your life due to weekend immune system/infections, I've heard, if you wanna live a longer life eat berries, vegetables and fruit and don't eat too much it's said.) So yeah. I put on the weight again because I had to stop training for a while due to my economy and that I played football and twisted my ankle.


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## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

Finny said:


> To find your motivation to work out there are a few things you have to consider...
> 
> 1.) Do you like to eat?
> Considering your weight, if you work out you will _have_ to eat more. Not only because you are expending extra calories, but because you are already a bit underweight for your height. A healthier weight would be closer to 110-115, even 120.


I forgot to precise that I'm Asian, so I have a much smaller build than the average white woman (that's also why people insist on saying that I'm tiny whereas, again, I just think I'm slightly petite.

I love eating and cooking, and weight in itself isn't a problem. It's the body shape and fat-to-muscle ratio that I really dislike. That being said I've never been heavier than 103-104 lbs and my average weight in the last 4 years has been around 94 to 98 lbs. Being 120 lbs is unthinkable given my frame.



> 2.) Do you want to have children in the future? (...)


Honestly meh. Also, my mother was a solid 88 lbs and 4'11" when she had me without any problems so again, weight isn't a problem.



> 3.) There are so many ways to workout.
> Considering that you're a bit underweight, you will not want to do cardio (ex: running, biking, circuit training / HIIT). However, you may benefit from calisthenics (bodyweight movement that will help you navigate in space better - pull ups, push ups, L-sits, pistol squats, etc), yoga, powerlifting, or bodybuilding.


Yup, I started (for the 5th time in the last 4 years) lifting (small) weights again, and it wasn't too bad. There's a gym in my complex so it's free and easily accessible, but what I've never really liked is the presence of other people. I know that they don't care and that they're doing their own thing, but having other people around (especially men, don't ask me why, they're not even being creepy but I just don't like being around strangers) always makes me uncomfortable.
Thankfully this gym isn't too busy so there are times I can be completely alone in the gym.


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## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

Hexigoon said:


> Well firstly, you mustn't say that you can't.
> 
> It's pretty straight-forward really. You haven't formed the habit, and it hasn't been enjoyable to you so you'll make excuses.
> You've probably pushed yourself too much in the past when you've tried.


The thing is, when I was doing it I was (almost) enjoying it. Like, I would be tired afterwards but then I would have a great night sleep, I'd feel better after a shower and would not feel all fidgety and uncomfortable after a long day of doing absolutely nothing. So I've never really understood why I had sudden bursts of motivation, and then at the slightest change (getting a cold, starting school, you name it), I would find a way to not go again.

4 years ago I lived in Montreal, Canada and there was an all-female gym right across the street, and I had a lot of free time so I would exercise a little more often. I'd go maybe twice a week, and on Sundays I'd stay longer (maybe 2 hours, but I would not do heavy exercise, just more reps). I also had a "real-life" coach, aka a personal trainer who'd be there once every few weeks to really be on my back for the whole session. That really helped me being more disciplined, because most of the time I'd stop as soon as I feel that it was getting too difficult. 

When I went back to my home country, there was a gym 4-5mn away from my apartment (by walk), but I hated going there because it wasn't as good as the Montreal one, so I quickly abandoned it.



> It's cool that you tried an exercise coach, but they would benefit you more once you've maintained a routine.


Yeah, I thought that having an online coach (and the fact that I had to pay upfront) would motivate me and keep me accountable but even that did not work. I stopped as soon as I got sick with the flu.



> Commit to doing at least a minute to 5 mins max of pure exercise a day (running, pushups, crunches, etc). See if you've developed a motivation to go further once a month is over.
> 
> As for making exercise enjoyable. Try listening to music, an audiobook, or something that'll entertain you while you do it. That's what I do.


I think it's doable. I did that yesterday, stayed for an hour. I've felt okay, and I was listening to music / youtube etc. while doing it.


Thanks for your insight


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## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

TheProphetLaLa said:


> Start small and consistent. Try to find someone to work out with that you enjoy spending time with. Would you at least be able to go on walks?


Unfortunately no, with the Texas heat and humidity I'd probably be rushed to ER within minutes aha.

My boyfriend is really fit and he goes to the gym in his complex (we don't live together), I'd love to go with him (his gym has more equipment), but I have to make some arrangements.

Long story short, I have a roommate and we both work in the same company but with different hours, and we share the same car (provided by said company). So it's not as easy to just take the car and go wherever because my roommate also uses the car and go run errands, etc.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Good question! I've been enjoying exercise, and enjoying the benefits of exercise, since I was about 30 (I'm in my 60s now). But I still have problems with it.

I'll develop a routine that seems great, then I'll get bored and need a change. Like, ew, not this again.
I'll develop a routine that works fine, but something will change; I'll move to a very small place, or I'll develop a slight injury that needs pampering, or the weather will change and I can't do this outdoor thing any more. . . .
I love something, but I can't do it any more because of safety (e.g., a small child underfoot) or some other reason.
I'll get turned off because of something someone says, like guys in the gym who run over and tell me I can't lift that heavy weight (yes I can, even though I look old and fat).
I get turned off because the gym plays the same yukky pop songs in a 2 hour loop every day.
Money, distance, time, etc.
Lack of results per effort expended.

On the positive side, at different times I have found things that really appealed to me and brought results, at least for a while. So here are a few suggestions:

Find something that you really enjoy--not necessarily the "best" exercise or something that appeals to someone else. For me, this was hula hooping until recently. With gym, yoga, or anything else, I could only do things for half an hour at a time before I felt bored or whatever. But with hula hooping I could go on for an hour and a half or longer; the only reason I'd stop was because it was dinnertime or something like that. I got out of hula hooping because my routine changed when my boyfriend moved in; also, I couldn't develop my skills any further because of physical limitations, so I started to get bored. 

Obviously, one of my big bugaboos is boredom. Maybe for you it isn't boredom--you can figure out what it is that holds you back. Maybe you need a workout partner or trainer, or maybe you prefer to exercise alone. Maybe you can only exercise outdoors, or with loud music, or with no music (and this will depend on the kind of exercise you're doing, e.g., jogging vs. yoga). You might be more suited to certain kinds of movement. Even within the same modality, there can be differences. For example, there are different kinds of aerobics class: I preferred those with repetitive movement (raise your knees and arms 20 times; this kind of thing seems to appeal more to men) rather than complicated or creative dance steps, which women tend to prefer.

So let's say you need to do something indoors at the same time every day, and you hate loud music, and transportation is a problem but money is no object. You don't care whether you're with others or not. You need some variety, but too much variety makes you nuts. Then you can figure out what kind(s) of exercise might suit you.

Another thing that might help is keeping track. If you're into weight training, there are sheets for number of reps and so on. For jogging, you can get a pedometer. There are many apps and online groups (including competitive "challenges") to help keep you on track. I used to have a goal of 50 half-hours a month; I set a timer, and I kept track on a paper calendar. If you get into martial arts or anything where there are different graded levels, achieving a higher belt or level might inspire you too.

Good luck! And thanks--I need to revisit all my excuses now too.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Half the time I work out, I don't want to. I just go.


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## Saskopia (Aug 9, 2018)

I had a hunch when I saw the thread title an INxP would have posted it. INTPs do have a problem with this because of the low Te and Se. I would look for ways to make it enjoyable and something you can look forward to, whether it is doing it with someone, using it as alone time or something else. Some people like yoga over traditional exercise and you can still stay in shape that way. Use your Ne to think of different ways to exercise and find what works for you.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

Tell yourself...No excuses and force yourself go... once u improve enough, not wanting to lose what you gained will motivate you.


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## soop (Aug 6, 2016)

Experiment. Find a form of exercise you truly enjoy and that you find yourself passionate about improving in.


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## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

There's the pain and the reward of working out. You must get through enough efforts to get how rewarding they are. Otherwise it's just all a bad experience that a nervous system doesn't want to repeat.


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## Fredward (Sep 21, 2013)

Exercise sucks. The longest I've managed to go to the gym consistently was every day for a monthish, that was with a personal trainer. What helped there was 1) the monetary investment and 2) knowing someone else was involved in this, it wasn't just me. You could try either. The only thing I got out of exercise was that I liked not being soft, like literally physically soft. I liked absently touching my shoulder or arm and feeling muscle. Other than that it was/is an unremittingly monotonous tedious well, exercise.

So do something I like right? I don't like any of it lol. Some exercises are out cuz I have a disability, my frustration and disinvestment is exacerbated because no one can tell me what I can do and what I shouldn't do. They're sure to emphasize that I should take it easy though which tends to mean that I trod the same tired circle when I do exercise (in fairness I sincerely believe spicing things up wouldn't do much for my interest level). 

I liked swimming as a kid, quite a lot and my university has big heated pools open to students. They also have a dive club and I've always wanted to learn free diving so I thought regularly going for a swim would 1) be something I actually like 2) get me into shape 3) be largely risk free cuz no impact 4) get me used to being in the water if I wanted to join the dive club. Ofc I'm uncomfortable with my body and haven't taken my shirt off in public in many, many moons. And among those glistening, gleaming specimens of youthful vigor? Hard pass. Yes I realize no one really cares, it's not rational hunty it's anxiety. SO NOW I'm trying to lose weight so if I can't be swole at least I can be less doughy.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

Chamberlain said:


> So my question is: to all people who’ve been in the same mindset, what triggered you to actually start working out regularly, and most importantly how have you managed to keep working out for a long period (let’s say a year or plus?). There were periods where I would work out 3 times a week and then do absolutely nothing for months.


I am currently at the same weight as yours, besides fluctuating a bit everyday, and I am 28, 4'11" :tongue:. I look lean and flat overall, but with a belly and flabby arms and other areas of fat I don't think I am that "skinny" either. 

I think the key is to find a sports you like to do. It might be even better if you can do it with other people, with a community where people encourage, not humiliating, each other. I can be wrong but I feel like such humiliation happens more between high school kids. If you are a mature adult you shouldn't be doing that.

I play a certain combat sport (not revealing which) with other working adults during the evening or on the weekend, when people are off from work. They are generally happy to see you showing up, and are encouraging. Sometimes some of them disappear for a while due to work or personal reasons. It doesn't matter if you are physically fit or not because people come from different walks of life and many sit at the office during the day, but you have to do your best in training like every one else. It can be just my community, and the atmosphere can be different from place to place, or from sports to sports. 

I sit a lot, too, and I realize that I am physically weaker than average, so recently I start doing other exercises to boost my general fitness, like those crunches, glutes stuff, squatting, push-up, etc, and to help my training in the sports mentioned above. I see myself improving at sport performance, which motivates me to keep doing such exercises that I used to get bored by really quickly. I can still get bored but then I switch to other similar stuff to keep it up. Having a practical purpose in doing these really helps to keep me stay.

Finally, you don't have to be too hard on yourself. Even if you "work out 3 times a week and then do absolutely nothing for months," it's still better than nothing at all. We have different needs at different stages of life.


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## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

Awwwwwwwwright, update time.

First, thanks y'all for your sound advice, here's what I've been able to do:

- I try to work out at least twice a week with my boyfriend. The gym at his complex is better than mine's and I get to spend time with him during/after the workout.
- He's really patient and gives good advice, so I feel safe when I train.
- Most of all, he's really understanding and caring, so I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed at all when I can barely lift / push 10-30 lbs when he does 150 lbs with little effort.
- My schedule is a little hectic at times, but I try not to think too hard about it.
- I have a big hike planned in November, I'm 100% positive it's going to be a really hard one, so I'm (trying to) running on the treadmill to improve my cardio (which is ridiculously weak). 

So that's my challenge for now, and although I really don't look forward to running every day (or, more realistically, 3 times a week), I'd rather be somewhat prepared for this hike. I'll be with my boyfriend and very close friends and I don't want to ruin the hike by being constantly exhausted.

I've gained a little bit of weight, although I don't really notice a difference, so I'm hoping this is muscle being built.

I'll try to keep this thread updated. In the meantime if you have other pieces of advice feel free.


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## nonnaci (Sep 25, 2011)

The extra oxygen intake during cardio helps me zone-out and produce creative insights to any problems that I may be stuck on after a day of strenuous thinking.


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## Denature (Nov 6, 2015)

@Chamberlain

There's a couple sparks of motivation you can tap into.

Self improvement: I'm becoming a better version of myself. If I don't, then I'm not as good as I could be.

Health: I'm becoming a healthier person. I'll live longer, live better, etc. If I don't I'll be weak, I'll live less, etc.

Relationship: I want to look good for my boyfriend. I want him to think I'm sexy, I want him to desire me. If I don't work out, I become unattractive and at worst, he'll start looking for someone else.

Family: I want to make my family proud of who I've become. I want them to see how beautiful their daughter has become and how much their lessons have taught me to be a better person. If I don't, then I'm a failure. I didn't listen and my family can't be proud of a unproductive lazy unattractive lady.

Happiness: I'm happy and proud of myself when I work out. When I don't, I'm unhappy. Therefore, if I want to be happy, then I need to workout.

etc. etc. etc.

Also, a bit of self positive talk can help. "I can do this", "This is easy", etc.

You can also be "mean" to yourself to motivate you to keep at it like a military instructor would yell at you in your mind.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

@Chamberlain

Let me know what you figure out. I've never been able to do it consistently. I always had to find some way to sneak it in the side door. Like delivering newspapers, or creating some other sort of activity that required me to do some physical activity, but was disguised as something else. Just moving for the sake of moving is boring and a waste of time to me. I wish I could get my ass up and walk 30 minutes every day, but when I set my alarm 30 minutes early, all I did was walk my ass from the bed to the couch and drink coffee.


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## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

Denature said:


> @Chamberlain
> 
> There's a couple sparks of motivation you can tap into.
> 
> ...


I'm gonna take issue with your sentence regarding relationships.

My boyfriend found me cute, desirable and attractive before I was starting to work out. He does not pressure me (consciously or not) to look sexy for him, nor does he think that I'll be less attractive if I stop working out for a day or altogether. The main reasons he wants me to work out are:
- It's better for my health (as you said). He used to have minor health problems in the past and working out made him stronger and better physically as well as mentally
- He wants to spend time with me, and since he works out 4 times a week that's several occasions for me to hang out with him
- He's an outdoor person, which means vacations = hiking, snorkeling, etc. and not just lie on a beach and do nothing. It goes with the "hanging out together" part, I'm trying to become more outdoors-y because it's actually fun, not because my boyfriend told me to.

He likes me for several reasons, looks being one of them of course, but it's not the only reason and certainly not the most important one. Sure, most people want to have an attractive partner, and most people want to be attractive for them but also for themselves.

So, while I agree with your post overall (although I'd say the same about the "family" part, looks is far behind my other accomplishments regarding my studies and my career), I just wanted to point that out.


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## Chamberlain (Dec 28, 2012)

*@tanstaafl28*

For now, what works best is that I have a (small) group of friends I work out with. One is my boyfriend (also acting as improvised coach), another is a guy from our group and is a tall skinny dude who doesn't work out much either. Sometimes there would be a third guy but not as regularly.

I also explained earlier that I have a big hike coming in November, and I want to enjoy it as much as possible. So while I'm still extra lazy, I try to keep this goal in mind so I can force myself to go running on the treadmill, the same way you force yourself to do laundry, otherwise you won't have any clean clothes the day you want to wear them. Does that make sense?


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## Denature (Nov 6, 2015)

Chamberlain said:


> I'm gonna take issue with your sentence regarding relationships.
> 
> My boyfriend found me cute, desirable and attractive before I was starting to work out. He does not pressure me (consciously or not) to look sexy for him, nor does he think that I'll be less attractive if I stop working out for a day or altogether. The main reasons he wants me to work out are:
> - It's better for my health (as you said). He used to have minor health problems in the past and working out made him stronger and better physically as well as mentally
> ...


Fair enough. Just threw it out there. I wasn't trying to say this was a part of your relationship but I don't believe in unconditional love. Part of being in a romantic relationship to me is looking good for your partner and I don't expect a woman to be attracted to me if I don't put effort into my physical appearance even if she's my wife and I'd expect the same from her.

On family, family is one of the most important aspects of my life and the opinions of family members mean a lot to me. I live life with the intentions of bringing honor and improvement to my family line. Over time, the family will improve and be better off than they ever were.

That's good that you have a supportive man at your side.


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## Leliel (Nov 25, 2012)

Bastard said:


> Honestly, it's one of those things that you just _do_. It's not cerebral, it's not based on how you feel*. You do it and you do it and it becomes habit.
> 
> It _is_ harder for those with a penchant of thinking about and abstracting things. There is no magical fix aside from developing willpower and routine.
> 
> * Emotionally. Used to go to the gym even when I was crook. Usually did help shrugging it off. Once I threw up halfway through a military press.


I agree with this. Speaking as someone who does base my actions off my emotions a lot of the time, it's important to separate the feeling from the action. When you go to the gym when you feel like and skip it when you don't, you're allowing the emotion to control the action, by saying that one must follow the other. Accept that it is physically possible to 100% not want to go AND actually go to the gym; the emotion and the action can exist simultaneously. 
TL;DR: the hour of gym is better than the hour before of dreading it, so just commit to two hours of pain and you'll be fine.


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## Zeri (Jan 23, 2018)

I find it hard to be disciplined enough to exercise on a regular basis - just off of my sheer willpower alone. I think that adults in general just have too much going on (work, children etc), which makes it more challenging. Usually whenever I have a spare moment my desire to just 'rest' or vegetate takes over and it's difficult to have the 'get up and go' to exercise. During the summer vacation, I told myself that I would exercise every week (go on a bicycle ride), but that didn't happen once. Even though my bicycle was right there staring at me the whole time. :-/

What REALLY helps me is joining a class. I"ve been in dance class for the last 2 years and it's really helped me lose weight, get fit, and gain muscle tone. Plus, it's fun! And great for emotional well-being too (mood, stress management etc.)

I would recommend that you join a class (zumba?), exercise group, or gym. I think it works wonder when you have something regularly organized and scheduled - a place/group that you feel accountable to. Having to pay for it also makes you not want to waste your money, so it gives you that added incentive.


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