# What's wrong with being friendzoned?



## Senexx (Oct 19, 2012)

I find our definitions of friendzone seem to be split across sex/lust and relationships, of course they're not mutually exclusive but its interesting to see the overwhelming number seeing it about sex/lust rather than a romantic relationship.


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## ricericebaby (Aug 18, 2017)

Robert2928 said:


> Foolish feline, you activated my trap card!
> 
> You're kinda assuming Austin is fine being just friends. Could have seen her being sad about some dude as an opportunity to be like "I know you sad about that dude but allow me, another dude, take you out for a good time" and make his move. We don't know the specifics what happened that night but if he took her out he likely paid for all of it. All I'm saying is if you buy a cow you might expect to have a glass of milk.
> 
> Meanwhile my boi Austin dying of thirst...


No. I'm not. I already took into consideration Austin's potential desire to be more than friends. If Austin desires to advance their friendship further than mere friendship and the girl isn't getting the hints, Austin needs to use his words like an adult. This is a great opportunity to show her how much he cares about her and eventually bring up the subject of getting into a serious relationship, but doing something nice for someone in need and assuming that means you get "special benefits" from it afterwards is revolting. 

And so what if he paid for it? That's called being a great friend and going out of your way to help a friend who's in the dumps. I would do that for my friends, male or female. To expect he deserves to get in her pants because he went out of his way to give her a nice evening when she was feeling down is disgusting and entitled. You take me out for a nice evening and we're not dating with no verbalized expectation of such, guess what? Your reward is my friendship and time spent with me, and maybe I'll do the same for you in the future when you're having a rough day. 

Also, that phrase that you keep using about buying the cow...








The phrase "buying the cow" from it's very inception has meant to commit openly to a woman, usually within the bonds of marriage. Austin is not openly committing to this woman, much less marrying her. He is taking the cow for a walk, scratching its ears, and buying it treats. He is hanging out with the cow, not buying the cow. Buying the cow means an exchange of funds, signing of papers, and dealing with cow manure - but _then _he gets the milk.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

sylvirfoxx said:


> No. I'm not. I already took into consideration Austin's potential desire to be more than friends. If Austin desires to advance their friendship further than mere friendship and the girl isn't getting the hints, Austin needs to use his words like an adult. This is a great opportunity to show her how much he cares about her and eventually bring up the subject of getting into a serious relationship, but doing something nice for someone in need and assuming that means you get "special benefits" from it afterwards is revolting.
> 
> And so what if he paid for it? That's called being a great friend and going out of your way to help a friend who's in the dumps. I would do that for my friends, male or female. To expect he deserves to get in her pants because he went out of his way to give her a nice evening when she was feeling down is disgusting and entitled. You take me out for a nice evening and we're not dating with no verbalized expectation of such, guess what? Your reward is my friendship and time spent with me, and maybe I'll do the same for you in the future when you're having a rough day.
> 
> ...


Memes are rarely factually accurate... most likely it was just a few pictures with captions awkward forced on to them to tell a fictional story

.


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## Robert2928 (Apr 6, 2012)

@*sylvirfoxx *

"I would do" and "I have done" are two completely different things. I have done something similar for a female coworker. We went to the state fair because she never been. I was going regardless and told her she could tag along with me and my other friend. I ended up paying for her entry, her food and offered to pay for anything she wanted to do like rides in stuff. Was I thirsty af wanting to get in her pants? Not really because on the way there noticed she lost her credit card and called her bank. She was freaking out and I was like "don't worry I got you bro" This Austin guy did something similar AFTER the girl said she was "sad about a boy" She was fully capable of paying (maybe she did? I doubt it though) 

All you said is cute and all BUT you forget male friendships and female friendships are not the same. Yeah if he spontaneous came up with night as a way to cheer her up about another dude, paid for this "date(not date)" it's more than likely because he's trying to get some poon OR at the very least get his foot in the door the "nice guy way" Come on my dude. If we were friends and I was like "you in the dumps bro? Let's go bro out!" Why would it happen like this? Look at your context clues. 

1.) Girl tells boy she is sad about another boy
2.) He took her out as in he drove over, picked her up 
3.) He got her food as in he paid for her meal and his (more than likely)
4.) He took her bowling paid the lines and shoes
5.) He took her home

You telling me this thirsty ass dude is not committing openly to this girl? Realy? With a evening of activities planned? After she told him she was down about another guy? AND likely paid for them? Seriously? Does he have to hand her a letter with "dO yOu LiK mE? YeS oR nO" and let her check a box to make it official? A blind man can LITERALLY see this LMAO From the picture the girl OBVIOUSLY gets the hints and she enjoyed her night too. Even advertised it to her friends so her could get friendzoned again. Poor bastard lol 

If this was really a "great friend and going out of his way to help a friend who's in the dumps" it would have likely been like something along the lines of hanging out by meeting at the place. Maybe. MAYBE. Paying for the meal. I guess in girl friendships they just pay for each other all willy nilly. Clearly I need more female friends lol However in guy friendships that's not really the case. Ya boi Austin had intent with this date(not date) night and likely a motive...basically the thirst was real 

Oh and since you brought it up, I actually said "paying for the cow" not "buying the cow" It's a very subtle difference. Kind of like you "pay" for an apartment to live there but you will never own the apartment or you could "buy" a house to live there and you own it. IF you ask me Austin could get more bang for his buck (figuratively and literally). Just sayin' Maybe he should lay off cows and go for whales lol

@*Snowball*
If you ask me Austin needs to lay off the milk and go get some Gatorade or something. He must be dehydrated from all his thirst.


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

The first obvious answer is that unreciprocated romantic feelings are obviously painful for everyone, man or women, so there's that... but there's also the unfortunate fact that, much like there exist plenty of men who believe "kind" behavior entitles them to sex, there exist plenty of women who will knowingly string romantically/sexually attracted guys along for attention/money/emotional support/etc, which is clearly unethical.


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## Deprecator (Aug 21, 2017)

Psychophantic said:


> which is clearly unethical.


What percentage of women do you think received the memo?


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Deprecator said:


> What percentage of women do you think received the memo?


I'm not sure what you're suggesting with this. Most probably understand that what they're going is wrong and simply don't care, though I suppose this sort of behavior could be rationalized more easily than some other forms of manipulation.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

atamagasuita said:


> I cannot really comprehend why being friendzoned is such a bad thing.
> 
> Friendship is the best thing ever. Seriously.
> 
> ...



I know right, why would anyone who doesn't care about the other person feeling the same way about them even care.


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## AngelWithAShotgun (Feb 16, 2017)

Bellsy said:


> Unrequited love hurts


This. I mean, we all learn to move on eventually, but the feeling that the other person just "doesn't feel that way" stings.

Before I dated my bf, I was quite convinced I was friend zoned, because in one of his texts he said he doesn't like texts because he tends to overthink them, fearing something might lead the friendship to somewhere he doesn't want it to end up at. Yup, this feeling sucks.

But my ESTJ mentor told me he doesn't believe I'm in the friend zone. A week later my bf told me he likes me. Best. Thing. Ever.


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## clem (Jun 10, 2017)

The problem in this type of situation is intangible and deals with desires and preferences. This has a very simple solution, that someone facing unrequitied love can simply stop having the desire. Then the problem is solved. Our friend Austin can simply ignore his feelings or change them to something else that aligns more logically to his situation. This seems like a much easier problem to deal with than a vehicle mechanical problem or a software bug.


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## nam (Feb 18, 2017)

friendzone is when you're thirsty but the person gives you some bread.

can we call it bad? can be frustrating, hurting, tiring, amazing, but bad?
depends maybe.


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## clem (Jun 10, 2017)

nam said:


> friendzone is when you're thirsty but the person gives you some bread.


Did you come up with that? Would make a good meme.


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## nam (Feb 18, 2017)

clem said:


> Did you come up with that? Would make a good meme.


that's an old expression pre-existing which actually fits for the friendzone


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## clem (Jun 10, 2017)

People have thirst and hunger physically, emotionally and spiritually. Emptying the ego of desire allows us to transcend our limitations and binding to reach a greater enlightenment, instead of being a slave to our own desires and idols.


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## Nephandus (May 16, 2017)

clem said:


> People have thirst and hunger physically, emotionally and spiritually. Emptying the ego of desire allows us to transcend our limitations and binding to reach a greater enlightenment, instead of being a slave to our own desires and idols.


The ego is the rational/conscious function, which sorts among many of the id's emotional/instinctual functions then semi-rationally pursues those it's identified and prioritized. Lacking desire literally precludes having any point or meaning, no possibility for rational behavior. You can't seek any alternative/future state, including gaining knowledge. It's no more enlightened than a lobotomy or zombification. Whether the lights are on, the person isn't home anymore. Maybe a reflexively programmable meatbot.


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## blackpants (May 3, 2017)

it's when the guy doesnt love you back the way you love him - that feeling


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## UberY0shi (Nov 24, 2016)

Getting friendzoned usually happens to people that don't know how to express their romantic/sexual interest in the other party. They skip the playful/physical phase and go straight to rapport/comfort phase. This is how you make a friend. Small talk, establish familiarity, go to comfort/rapport, increase bond over time through proximity and time spent together. 

This isn't a problem unless your original goal is to establish romantic/sexual connection. Then it's pretty bad. Perhaps too shy to put oneself out there for possible rejection? So go for the easier, comfortable route? Yeah, fuck that. Waste of time. 

If the original goal was to get romance/sex, then don't put on a mask like a friend. Express sexual interest. Touch. 

Now there are "nice guys" that think using friendship method equates to getting romance/sex. That's silly, not to mention it reveals cowardice.


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## clem (Jun 10, 2017)

festivus said:


> The ego is the rational/conscious function, which sorts among many of the id's emotional/instinctual functions then semi-rationally pursues those it's identified and prioritized. Lacking desire literally precludes having any point or meaning, no possibility for rational behavior. You can't seek any alternative/future state, including gaining knowledge. It's no more enlightened than a lobotomy or zombification. Whether the lights are on, the person isn't home anymore. Maybe a reflexively programmable meatbot.


Yes. That's why I only meditate for 2 minutes a day. Enough for clarity without wasting too much time. I don't see how some people can meditate for hours. 

In these quiet moments of reflection, I see that true friendship is rare and valuable, while romantic relationships seem relatively less so.


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## UberY0shi (Nov 24, 2016)

clem said:


> Yes. That's why I only meditate for 2 minutes a day. Enough for clarity without wasting too much time. I don't see how some people can meditate for hours.
> 
> In these quiet moments of reflection, I see that true friendship is rare and valuable, while romantic relationships seem relatively less so.


ENTJ dad always used to hold his hand up and say "if you can count up to five, you're doing REALLY good, enough friends for a lifetime." 

I can understand how people meditate for a long period of time. I lose track of time meditating myself. I'll use a silent alarm set to 3 minutes, and when I think it's a good time to open my eyes, 6 or 7 minutes as passed. But yeah, hours? Ain't nobody got time for that.


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## Nephandus (May 16, 2017)

clem said:


> In these quiet moments of reflection, I see that true friendship is rare and valuable, while romantic relationships seem relatively less so.


Wanting more isn't "true friendship" in any pleasant way, and that's not a choice, unless you want to explain how sexuality is a choice... 

Personally, I don't even do platonic. Basic question, "Who are you that I should care?" No fucking answer from the random sociopolitical blur, just more bullshit and intrusion. I might do eros, more likely I could've when I was't allowed. If not, I'm probably doing an hero eventually because fuck people AND aging. Sexuality is mostly a hell. Aging just makes it into a sucking hell, with no functional options. People are just more of a meaningless blur the more I deal with them, and the less of a point there is to deal with them even for utilitarian purposes. Dating is just a sewer running over, and no one who touches it gets better for it. Platonic with women is such a joke. Other men are bad enough, but the fucking holy gender? Even the "nice" ones have internalized their myopic "superiority", regardless of anything they bother to claim with hollow lipservice.


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