# Blindsided by an INFP



## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

This is my take on it....

You probably want to hear (or did, before you were "done with it") that her apparent flakiness is due to shyness & being overwhelmed, or something like that. It's easier on the ego to think she's just an indecisive person who likes to take it slow rather than to conclude she just doesn't feel strongly enough about you to commit (because INFPs can be VERY decisive when they actually care).

Well, I will burst your bubble by offering an explanation from inside an INFP's head. I may very well be wrong about her, but this is what would lead me to such behavior (and probably has, I am ashamed to say).

I can be curious about someone/something that I don't actually value in any real capacity beyond it being "interesting", & then I may allow myself to be _involved_ a bit because of it. _I just want to see what happens._ I may also be flattered by the attention, as any person might be. However, I have no intent to commit or take any serious action, because my feeling is unaffected. This person/thing has failed to hit upon any ideal of mine.

I'm pretty nice & sensitive to others in this regard, and so I will usually (99.9% of the time) stop short of exploring the "possibility" before someone gets hurt. 

However, sometimes this means I may explore (or have explored) a romance with someone _just because I can_, because it's _something_ to do. Then, when I realize a commitment is expected, I bow out. However, if someone keeps giving me "new info" which stirs my curiosity, then I can get pulled back in. 

I suspect the sex joke made her aware that this is where such flirtations lead - to a relationship & intimacy with stuff like sex. 
She may have instigated joked before, but something like that can trigger the whole picture to suddenly come together. That may have made her stop & think about whether she really liked you that way or that much. If she concluded no, then she knew the right thing was to end it.

This is definitely her fault, and probably due to immaturity & a lack of a full grasp of what she was doing, but I doubt she was intentionally, consciously leading you on to boost her ego. The forefront of her mind was likely going "this is interesting & I want to proceed with it", and so it probably felt like genuine interest to her; but likely, there was also a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she didn't feel a real connection with you, that this was not what she truly wants in a romance. However, the desire to give the benefit of the doubt, to not discount a vague possibility, to accomodate someone else's feeling, can lead to reopening the exploration.

It's best if you just let her go. In short - she's not that into you & likely never was. INFPs may like to take it slow (rather notorious for it), but I think when we truly like someone romantically, then it's a steady slowness that allows a real feeling to grow, not a wavering back & forth because we're not rooted by a real feeling.


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

OrangeAppled said:


> This is my take on it....
> 
> You probably want to hear (or did, before you were "done with it") that her apparent flakiness is due to shyness & being overwhelmed, or something like that. It's easier on the ego to think she's just an indecisive person who likes to take it slow rather than to conclude she just doesn't feel strongly enough about you to commit (because INFPs can be VERY decisive when they actually care).
> 
> ...


I'm down for whatever so I've adjusted the mindset to not take her any more seriously than a potential "Friend with Benefit". I've kept my feelings in check. But I'm not letting this go till I "solve" her. 

It's interesting anyhow because what led me towards her was my initial gut feeling that she was very into me. Then I ended up right, with her being the one to instigate flirting then I took it to higher levels and that's when she scuttled off. 

But you definitely are right. Your first paragraph is what I used to believe but the bolded categories can be accurate because as an "NFP" (well I sometimes test NTP) I feel those myself. I think she's a combination of both being overwhelmed and not knowing if she's really into me... which is why she's "confused". She's going through an overload of feelings. 

Anyhow, back to "being an NFP" part... is probably why it wasn't too difficult to "get over" someone once I've rationalized my romanticist behaviour. After the initial days of being depressed and lonely, I would eventually realize *it wasn't really the person I was in love with. But rather the IDEA or the possibilities of the relationship. *

And it's saddening because reality bites you in the ass that it was never like that. Not even close sometimes. But the dreamy nature of the "NFP" type sometimes makes it hard to come to terms with reality. 

But I'm beginning to try to look beyond this and appreciate the person.


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