# Bdsm



## rowingineden (Jun 23, 2010)

Wulfdot said:


> Pussy. You have to use a helmet. I just put on a blindfold and have gun fights for foreplay.


I would do just about anything with someone I had been with long enough to be comfortable like that. Ha, gun fighting would seriously turn me the hell on. I love the way it feels to fire a pistol.


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## Inverse (Jun 3, 2010)

Good night. <3


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

That's very.... beautiful.
And I'm a hetero gal. (!)

Hehe :wink:


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## Wulfdot (Apr 14, 2010)

rowingineden said:


> I would do just about anything with someone I had been with long enough to be comfortable like that. Ha, gun fighting would seriously turn me the hell on. I love the way it feels to fire a pistol.


Ah! It is my dream to have a sword fight as foreplay. I'm not really into guns except for Handguns, and I really love blades. You should hear of one of my crazier ways of having sex which is to dose both of us in flame resistant and fuck while we're on fire.


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## Jinxies (May 5, 2010)

Well, I was curious about such activities so I've actually attended some mature social gatherings that were hosted by different groups in my area that focus on such alternative lifestyles. They prefer the term alternative to kink really. Some aspects can be arousing and erotic, especially if you are adventurous and open-minded. Other aspects are down right nasty and disgusting. I, however, appreciate individuality and find the discussions of what people enjoy interesting and stimulating. 

I was once vanilla, but now I'm more of a twist


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## NightSkyGirl (Apr 11, 2010)

The thought of Bdsm sort of scares me.


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## Goodewitch (Mar 4, 2010)

NightSkyGirl said:


> The thought of Bdsm sort of scares me.


Yep, thats a perfectly understandable reaction. The thought of it scares me too. Some people out there are downright crazy. Really, who wants to cause pain/humiliate someone to get pleasure, and which nut job wants to be hurt or humiliated? yes, i'm being deliberately obnoxious,.. and yes, I'm showing no respect to people who have this lifestyle, especially the hard core ones.
I'm not ignorant of the 'supposed' and 'alleged' beauty of it, the depth , the trust etc etc. thats all bullshit.
I find practicioners of this sort of stuff to be fundamentally psychologically damaged. And, no, I dont care if I've offended any wanna be Dom or any manipulative Sub out there. You really are mentally whacked. Pathetic power trippers is what i see, and a lot of rituialised and stylised hatred of sex itself,..put that in yer pipe and smoke it , BDSM'ers. Yup, you're acting out yer own inadequacies, your own inabilities to relate sexually and emotionally to another person in any other way but 'pretend force'. So, whats eating ya? Not the Dom, apparently. he would'nt touch ye with anything less than a ten foot violet wand. Bah, its sickening.
Thats my clear and uncensored opinion.
Isnt freedom of speech great?
G. x


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Vanilla Fudge or Dangerous Ground ?

or is it a 

Suicide Case ?


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## Inverse (Jun 3, 2010)

Goodewitch said:


> Isnt freedom of speech great?
> G. x


Freedom of speech is awesome, ignorance, not so much. Keep in mind, I mean ignorance in the purest definition of the word. I'm sure you're quite the intelligent individual and entitled to your opinion, however blissful. <3

...and no, not here to teach either. It'd be kind of silly. You've expressed your viewpoint quite implicitly. There is nothing to challenge or rebuke with a stance on an entire concept of human sexuality like your own.

I do love how direct you can be with it though, but what fun is the internet if you can't ruffle some feathers right? <3


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## Goodewitch (Mar 4, 2010)

Inverse said:


> Freedom of speech is awesome, ignorance, not so much. Keep in mind, I mean ignorance in the purest definition of the word. I'm sure you're quite the intelligent individual and entitled to your opinion, however blissful. <3
> 
> ...and no, not here to teach either. It'd be kind of silly. You've expressed your viewpoint quite implicitly. There is nothing to challenge or rebuke with a stance on an entire concept of human sexuality like your own.
> 
> I do love how direct you can be with it though, but what fun is the internet if you can't ruffle some feathers right? <3


If you're not there to teach, challenge or rebuke me, it seems that quoting me and making barely veiled implications of my ignorance, was rather pointless then, does'nt it?
A waste of a post, really.
G. x


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## SaraBell (Jun 3, 2010)

I'm game :wink:


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Goodewitch said:


> Yep, thats a perfectly understandable reaction. The thought of it scares me too. Some people out there are downright crazy. Really, who wants to cause pain/humiliate someone to get pleasure, and which nut job wants to be hurt or humiliated? yes, i'm being deliberately obnoxious,.. and yes, I'm showing no respect to people who have this lifestyle, especially the hard core ones.
> I'm not ignorant of the 'supposed' and 'alleged' beauty of it, the depth , the trust etc etc. thats all bullshit.
> I find practicioners of this sort of stuff to be fundamentally psychologically damaged. And, no, I dont care if I've offended any wanna be Dom or any manipulative Sub out there. You really are mentally whacked. Pathetic power trippers is what i see, and a lot of rituialised and stylised hatred of sex itself,..put that in yer pipe and smoke it , BDSM'ers. Yup, you're acting out yer own inadequacies, your own inabilities to relate sexually and emotionally to another person in any other way but 'pretend force'. So, whats eating ya? Not the Dom, apparently. he would'nt touch ye with anything less than a ten foot violet wand. Bah, its sickening.
> Thats my clear and uncensored opinion.
> ...


I* love *it when INFJ's offer their uncensored opinions! So refreshing!

To OP: being tied up and blind folded by your lover I imagine would be quite sexy but anything else -- I agree with Goodwitch, it's freaky and imo a sign of deep psychological issues.


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## Inverse (Jun 3, 2010)

Goodewitch said:


> If you're not there to teach, challenge or rebuke me, it seems that quoting me and making barely veiled implications of my ignorance, was rather pointless then, does'nt it?
> A waste of a post, really.
> G. x


You really don't leave any room to do so. I mean I could go into a thread about cuddling and say pretty direct contrasts on how I feel it may be considered a waste of time, or how I get nothing out of it or that I feel that the only reason one may want to cuddle is deeply rooted "need" to be loved. But that would be my opinion, and to the opinions of others, wholly unsubstantiated~ I mean what could you teach me if I took that position really? 

I've pretty much taken a position that X means little to me and that I also feel that the people who perform X have issues. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to begin with you beyond you actually being willing to explain 'why' you feel a certain way and bring something up worth discussing. But I thank you for position anyway~ but you have a position based on the literal position that you don't know, or really wish to know, and that what you _do _understand about BDSM you feel is "bullshit". 

What is your actual perspective on the subject? What is BDSM to you? Considering the absolute range of the topic, what is the first thing that appears in your mind? Because anything I choose to actually address will be completely based on assumption based on your post. Do you think BDSM is about nothing but 'force'?


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

Goodewitch said:


> Yep, thats a perfectly understandable reaction. The thought of it scares me too. Some people out there are downright crazy. Really, who wants to cause pain/humiliate someone to get pleasure, and which nut job wants to be hurt or humiliated? yes, i'm being deliberately obnoxious,.. and yes, I'm showing no respect to people who have this lifestyle, especially the hard core ones.
> I'm not ignorant of the 'supposed' and 'alleged' beauty of it, the depth , the trust etc etc. thats all bullshit.
> I find practicioners of this sort of stuff to be fundamentally psychologically damaged. And, no, I dont care if I've offended any wanna be Dom or any manipulative Sub out there. You really are mentally whacked. Pathetic power trippers is what i see, and a lot of rituialised and stylised hatred of sex itself,..put that in yer pipe and smoke it , BDSM'ers. Yup, you're acting out yer own inadequacies, your own inabilities to relate sexually and emotionally to another person in any other way but 'pretend force'. So, whats eating ya? Not the Dom, apparently. he would'nt touch ye with anything less than a ten foot violet wand. Bah, its sickening.
> Thats my clear and uncensored opinion.
> ...


Shouldn't you be out picketing some funerals with your friends at Westboro?


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## Goodewitch (Mar 4, 2010)

Nitou said:


> Shouldn't you be out picketing some funerals with your friends at Westboro?


First of all, i had to google that, its an American thang, by the sounds of it. Westboro baptist Church, hate group, picketing funerals of gay people who have died of Aids, gay murder victims, and gay people in general are the target of their hate.
I really really fail to see how my post, my opinion, can be construed as hate inciting against homosexuals.
Even if you meant to imply that im some rabid foaming at the mouth reactionary hell fire and brimstone bigot, for NOT liking the dubious psychological practices in BDSM, I still fail to see how my post can be taken as hatred or incitment to hatred of the level of Westboro baptists.
Sort of missd the mark there, Nitou. And, arent you being a tad judgemental and reactionary against me? Just because you didnt like what I said? It seems its okay to like BDSM, but to not like it, and speak out a differing opinion gets you some reactionary hate back.. funny that.
Hey, I think hard core practicioners of BDSM are loonies with issues, I have no problem saying that..would I picket their funerals ? er..No.
G. x


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## Elan (Apr 22, 2010)

I would consider your first post on BSDM to be quite judgmental and reactionary, Goodwich. You straight up call people interested in the lifestyle crazy. Your opinion wasn't given in a soft, "here are my thoughts," manner, it was pretty specific, directed, and harsh. I'm not saying that you aren't free to have your opinions, I'm just saying that _that_ particular opinion is a bit inflammatory. How can you not expect people to call you out on it?


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

Just sayin' Goodewitch, I've not seen such a passionate expression of disdain toward the practitioners of an "alternative" lifestyle except from the rabid right.


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## Goodewitch (Mar 4, 2010)

Elan said:


> I would consider your first post on BSDM to be quite judgmental and reactionary, Goodwich. You straight up call people interested in the lifestyle crazy. Your opinion wasn't given in a soft, "here are my thoughts," manner, it was pretty specific, directed, and harsh. I'm not saying that you aren't free to have your opinions, I'm just saying that _that_ particular opinion is a bit inflammatory. How can you not expect people to call you out on it?


They can call me out if they so wish Elan. I'm not one for toeing any politically correct party line. if i'm harsh, they can be too. its just that that particular insult about Gay hating baptists seemed soo unrelated,..it sorta puzzled me.
I really dont care if people want to be harsh back to me. 
I have opinions on this subject, and not from a stand point of ignorance either. I'm not spouting stuff off the top of my head, Ive done my research on this, in real life and on paper. Im not one for copy/pasting reems of source material, I find that tedious to do, and tedious to read. Im sure the basic point I made that in my opinion, people who get pleasure from causing pain and humiliation to another, in a sexual arena, albeit consentually, are sick, and have psychological issues. The fact that its consentual doesnt make the two people any less sick. They are locked in a pattern of parasitical menta lsickness, both feeding off the others sickness. Oh sure, a little light bondage or pink fluffy handcuffs whats the harm right? As in all things, there are levels, but still, its the implication behind the fluffy handcuffs, and what it can become that bothers me. Its the power play and the sadism behind it, behind the tools, and toys, and costumes,.. that disturbs me ,. and I would have thought would be disturbing to others to,.. but it seems that as with other things in life, what is fashionable becomes acceptable to the mainstream. I have had many discussions, with people in this lifestyle, spent time in their Forums, and got to know everything i could about the umbrella of stuff that is BDSM. I have to tell you, these were some of the most disturbed, sinister, manipulative and power tripping psychologically whacked people it has ever been my misfortone to talk to. They are scary,.. now i've worked in mental health as part of my health professional days,.. Ive worked in secure mental health units for dangerously disturbed people, sociopaths, and people showing psychopathic tendencies,..and none of them, disturbed me as much as the Subs and Doms talking about their 'lifestyle'..its a scarey head space to be in, beleive me.

Its destructive imo,.. but some people may have to travel that path to find that out on their own..so be it.
G. x


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## Introspiritual (Mar 12, 2010)

There's a lot to it, and a lot of reasons why people participate in it. You can meet very sane people and very messed-up people in the course of practicing it. Like some previously have said, the scope of it is really beyond a forum like this, especially because of the general taboo of talking positively about it or admitting that you do it.

As an analogy (what? an INFJ with an analogy?), I think of it as licorice. Black licorice. It seems like it repulses most people, but I really enjoy it on occasion. If you like it, how exactly can you explain to someone who doesn't like it how you can stand it at all? If you don't like it, what can someone who does like it do to convince you that it's enjoyable? The two sides generally never meet.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Goodewitch said:


> They can call me out if they so wish Elan. I'm not one for toeing any politically correct party line. if i'm harsh, they can be too. its just that that particular insult about Gay hating baptists seemed soo unrelated,..it sorta puzzled me.
> I really dont care if people want to be harsh back to me.
> I have opinions on this subject, and not from a stand point of ignorance either. I'm not spouting stuff off the top of my head, Ive done my research on this, in real life and on paper. Im not one for copy/pasting reems of source material, I find that tedious to do, and tedious to read. Im sure the basic point I made that in my opinion, people who get pleasure from causing pain and humiliation to another, in a sexual arena, albeit consentually, are sick, and have psychological issues. The fact that its consentual doesnt make the two people any less sick. They are locked in a pattern of parasitical menta lsickness, both feeding off the others sickness. Oh sure, a little light bondage or pink fluffy handcuffs whats the harm right? As in all things, there are levels, but still, its the implication behind the fluffy handcuffs, and what it can become that bothers me. Its the power play and the sadism behind it, behind the tools, and toys, and costumes,.. that disturbs me ,. and I would have thought would be disturbing to others to,.. but it seems that as with other things in life, what is fashionable becomes acceptable to the mainstream. I have had many discussions, with people in this lifestyle, spent time in their Forums, and got to know everything i could about the umbrella of stuff that is BDSM. I have to tell you, these were some of the most disturbed, sinister, manipulative and power tripping psychologically whacked people it has ever been my misfortone to talk to. They are scary,.. now i've worked in mental health as part of my health professional days,.. Ive worked in secure mental health units for dangerously disturbed people, sociopaths, and people showing psychopathic tendencies,..and none of them, disturbed me as much as the Subs and Doms talking about their 'lifestyle'..its a scarey head space to be in, beleive me.
> 
> ...


That's kind of why I specified no DSM, in a sense, though I'm not judging anyone as I probably have strange habits in other areas. >.>

I'm kind of a submissive person but it is not ever in the sense of having someone else dominate, it is in the sense of me giving out of love. It isn't something that is taken through domination or any kind of force, for me... and I'd never try to do that with anyone else either.

In other words, I may give myself in some regards but that does not mean I am controlled or owned. The thought of that is... not good... to me. Neither is pain really.


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## Goodewitch (Mar 4, 2010)

Introspiritual said:


> There's a lot to it, and a lot of reasons why people participate in it. You can meet very sane people and very messed-up people in the course of practicing it. Like some previously have said, the scope of it is really beyond a forum like this, especially because of the general taboo of talking positively about it or admitting that you do it.
> 
> As an analogy (what? an INFJ with an analogy?), I think of it as licorice. Black licorice. It seems like it repulses most people, but I really enjoy it on occasion. If you like it, how exactly can you explain to someone who doesn't like it how you can stand it at all? If you don't like it, what can someone who does like it do to convince you that it's enjoyable? The two sides generally never meet.


Good points Introspritual,.. I have no doubt practicioners in general, do like it very much,.. but i'd like to draw a comparison here. if someone comes onto a Forum and says the self harm, eg..cutting, or burning themselves with cigaettes,.. or scratching themselves, or self flagellation till they welt or bleed, would you tell them that its perfectly ok to do that, and that the relief and enjoyment they get in the moment is perfectly psychologically healthy, and that they are therefore prefectly healthy to do that? If you would point them in the way of professional help,.. then tell me why its different, when its two people and one person wants the other to cut, scratch welt or burn them.. wwhy is that perfectly psychologically healthy, the same injries , the same pain..why is that emotionally healthy, when self harm is generally considered not healthy? Could it be that we place too much importance on peoples freedom to do what they want sexually, yet we would in some cases forcibly section people for giving themselves the same pain and injures.. its a conundrum..maybe you could answer that?
G. x


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## Slkmcphee (Oct 19, 2009)

Man, this thread turned into a hate-fest!
Back to the OP...

I've actually tried a lot of BDSM stuff with my husband. We knew we had an interest in it after about 7 years of marriage, although some hints had always been there. We fumbled around with it and finally figured out what we like. Oddly enough, as an ENTJ, I enjoy being the sub way more than the dominant (but maybe that is common). We're more into the spanking, we don't do anything really extreme or degrading. He has some different preferences than I do, but we trust each other.

I cannot imagine getting into a BDSM lifestyle as a single person, _that_ would be scary (and also hard to find people to date sans internet). It was more special to me that we sort of discovered it together. We aren't always freaky, but it is fun to slip into. Sometimes vanilla is just as delicious as chocolate (and less work!).


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## Introspiritual (Mar 12, 2010)

Goodewitch said:


> its a conundrum..maybe you could answer that?
> G. x


Cutting, scratching, welting, burning, and bleeding are not required events in the practice of BDSM. They comprise parts of it, but aren't the whole, if you get the gist. And actually, half of those are rarely practiced, because they're dangerous and can end with someone dead. It's the rare person who's into cutting or bleeding, burning or being burnt, and most people don't go near that sort of thing.

The average, as some people have posted here, is some atmosphere (roleplay) and light bondage of some sort. Throw in a "spanking" and there you have it - something that is more psychological than physical, more stimulating than injurious.

But to get back to your main point, whenever someone craves actual damage to themselves, as a therapist-in-training I always take a step back. The natural urge of the body is self-preservation, and you're overriding it - for what purpose? Some are trying to flee from reality/life or revisit old wounds, and generally that spells Issues(tm) no matter how it's done. In others, you may find a desire for transcendence, as the monks of old did with their self-flagellation - and as a mystic myself I can respect that. As with many things in life, the "whys" are as important as the "whats."

It's a pity that the fringe so often gets mistaken for the whole. Like in politics, and religion, and fandom, and... this topic too.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Introspiritual said:


> Cutting, scratching, welting, burning, and bleeding are not required events in the practice of BDSM. They comprise parts of it, but aren't the whole, if you get the gist. And actually, half of those are rarely practiced, because they're dangerous and can end with someone dead.  It's the rare person who's into cutting or bleeding, burning or being burnt, and most people don't go near that sort of thing.
> 
> The average, as some people have posted here, is some atmosphere (roleplay) and light bondage of some sort. Throw in a "spanking" and there you have it - something that is more psychological than physical, more stimulating than injurious.
> 
> ...


This is probably true. But I associate BDSM with what it represents, not how it is roleplayed. I guess I am just a 'real' person, domination means domination, not pretend domination.

Semantics I suppose.


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

Goodewitch said:


> its just that that particular insult about Gay hating baptists seemed soo unrelated,..it sorta puzzled me.


I do tend to hyperbolate, maybe because it amuses me or to be provocative... I dunno. :crazy:
But your post did remind me of gay-haters and the way they judge the morality of an act solely by their own feelings of revulsion. Since you explained where you are coming from, your position makes more sense.


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## Slkmcphee (Oct 19, 2009)

sprinkles said:


> This is probably true. But I associate BDSM with what it represents, not how it is roleplayed. I guess I am just a 'real' person, domination means domination, not pretend domination.
> 
> Semantics I suppose.


Ultimately what it represents is two consenting adults fulfilling a psychological and physical need in the privacy of their own bedroom. 

The mantra of BDSM is "Safe, Sane, Consensual."

I am also a "real" person and _we_ do not actually role-play...I feel silly doing that. What happens with us happens in real time and remains a part of the fabric of our relationship, just like going to see a movie or massaging each other's feet on the couch or even eating dinner with our family. 

You can draw conclusions about something that you have never done and don't understand but that does not make your conclusions accurate.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

I'd be down to try some of it but I'm not very interested.


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## propensity (May 12, 2010)

I like the idea of bondage and perhaps some domination and submission, but sadomasochism is really a turnoff. Also a turnoff is the verbal and extreme physical abuse that is common in S/M pornography. I just don't see how being called a bitch or a slut could be sexually arousing to anyone. I am also averse to the idea of inflicting actual bodily harm on someone for sexual purposes, although I do recognize that the pleasure/pain threshold can be somewhat narrow for erogenous areas. That is, I can understand nipple clamps (as long as they're not so tight that they might clip them off, lol), but cutting, erotic asphyxiation, etc. is really disgusting to me. 

I guess as far as the whole BD side of alternative eroticism, it's really all in fantasy. The idea of being largely in control or being controlled for the most part is interesting; I'm even a little receptive to enjoying the _fantasy_ of nonconsensual sex or asphyxiation. Anything more real, though, and I'd be both turned off and a little frightened. 

On a side note, I do recognize that I can relate to several of the paraphilias on this list, namely being held at gunpoint, exhibitionism, rubbing against a nonconsenting person (really as far as the hypothetical person doesn't suffer or dislike it), the act of rape, and voyeurism, although this may not be entirely abnormal - some items on that list are certainly a lot more outlandish than others. Note that I have no desire to perform acts related to these paraphilias; it is mostly something that I'd prefer to keep in my mind. Besides, roleplay sounds like something that would feel incredibly silly to me, as many others have said.


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