# ILE and EII married.. Fi Supervision?



## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

Im desperate here please help Im like going crazy with worry..

The thing is I test Infj myers briggs AND (EII) Infj on socionics (which is odd but I dont identify with supposidly corresponding Infp on either). My strongest functions are Fi Ni Ti Se. Years ago my husband took the test and got Entp. Before we were married I was delighted and read stories how we were the soulmate mbti match. Now that I took the socionic test and came up with Infj results also Im terrified because it says our relations are of supervision. This relation says that is very damaging to the Entp even can cause mental illness? I lead with Fi and thats supposed to be his PolR? Anyways my question is how can I be careful that he always feels respected. What exactly doEs EII do that hurts ILE? He rarely ever shows any negative feelings.. so everything seems good.. but now I HATE socionics its making me crazy paranoid. It even says the supervisee (Entp) usually wont voice any hurt and just let it eat at him. Omgsh... I dont want this to happen. What are some examples of an Fi dom hurting an ILE? As a christian I try to always trust him to lead and be submissive to him.. do you think that helps us in a relation where Im supposidly the supervisor? Thanks for any help Im literally going crazy here and wishing I was just an SEI lady because thats his dual.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

curiositykillsme said:


> Before we were married I was delighted and read stories how we were the soulmate mbti match... He rarely ever shows any negative feelings.. so everything seems good.. but now I HATE socionics its making me crazy paranoid.


I'm not an Entp or ILE or ENTP but everything's probably fine. People of the Merry Quadras wear their emotions on their sleeves and if they seem happy then they more than likely are. You could try asking him directly if he's happy in the marriage. That's what I would do anyways.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

thanks yea I ask him all the time and he always says hes happy. Sometimes he'll say hes the happiest man in the world as long as hes with me. I wish I never saw socionics.. its like I need a shrink to make me let go of a fear of hurting him (even though he says hes great).... maybe I just have extreme anxiety issues? Maybe taking socionics seriously is stupid?


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

curiositykillsme said:


> thanks yea I ask him all the time and he always says hes happy. Sometimes he'll say hes the happiest man in the world as long as hes with me. I wish I never saw socionics..


lol.



> its like I need a shrink to make me let go of a fear of hurting him (even though he says hes great)....


Double lol.



> maybe I just have extreme anxiety issues?


Maybe if you just accepted Socionics you wouldn't be such a nervous wreck.



> Maybe taking socionics seriously is stupid?


Only if you want to be manipulated for the rest of your life then sure it's stupid. ;D


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

but if I accepted socionics how come I dont see the supervision relation problem with us?


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

curiositykillsme said:


> but if I accepted socionics how come I dont see the supervision relation problem with us?



Well, he's not an ILE or ENTP or Entp or whatever other way of expressing that is then. Or he could be... you know... a liar.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

well he was Entp on myers briggs and the functions for Entp (ILE) are the same in socionics?


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

curiositykillsme said:


> well he was Entp on myers briggs and the functions for Entp (ILE) are the same in socionics?


Forget it, I'm not your personal tutor who makes you look good at my expense.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

well he didnt lie when he took the mbti test. I was with him.. he had never heard of the tests/types before. But yea he told me when I talked about it another time later he didnt believe in these things. So.. I dont know. Im not even 100% EII or any other socionic type. I identify most with Fi Ni Ti Se.. so maybe hes like me and doesnt fit a type exactly?


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Study the fucking theory. Don't just rely on online tests. Also, the intertype relationships only describe information exchange and some may be overly negative e.g. supervision. Even conflictors can be married because people are people first, not their types.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

curiositykillsme said:


> but if I accepted socionics how come I dont see the supervision relation problem with us?


Could be for several reasons:

1) All typology tests have a wide margin of error. Since you have determined you types relying primarily on tests, you could have mistyped yourself or your husband and have a different intertype than supervision. This would be one reason you're not seeing it  He could be LIE in which case your relationships is a much better one, that of semi-duality. You could be LII or IEI in which case it's illusionary or mirror relations. You'll need to verify your types for sure by studying them in more thorough detail. It could be that you're panicking over nothing.

2) In supervision relations, the supervisor usually doesn't see the supervision. The supervisee bears the grunt of it. The supervisor is acting as who they naturally are and has no clue that some of the things that they say are oppressive to their supervisee. If you are the supervisor in this relationship, you won't feel it yourself only your husband will feel it. But ENTps are not very good with analyzing their own emotions and relations to someone (Fi PoLR) so he most likely won't say anything either.

3) If you have been recently married, both you and your husband could be in the initial idealization period that usually last the first couples of years of marriage. The cracks will start showing later on.

4) Supervision marriages happen and sometimes they are not that awful. In my own family there are two supervision couples who have been married for a long time. In both cases the woman is the supervisor, and both women have a habit of snapping at their husbands who will try to evade them, find outlets in their work and travel, but otherwise they have worked things out and have peaceful married lives together.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

cyamitide said:


> Could be for several reasons:
> 
> 1) All typology tests have a wide margin of error. Since you have determined you types relying primarily on tests, you could have mistyped yourself or your husband and have a different intertype than supervision. This would be one reason you're not seeing it  He could be LIE in which case your relationships is a much better one, that of semi-duality. You could be LII or IEI in which case it's illusionary or mirror relations. You'll need to verify your types for sure by studying them in more thorough detail. It could be that you're panicking over nothing.
> 
> ...


Thanks... yea I guess what I was most concerned about was #2 cuz I would be the supervisor and yes weve only been married a little over a year.. Ive gotten both EII and IEI on socionics but I only really identify with the Ni in IEI.. the rest doesnt fit.. EII is closest.. and Im not going to make him take the socionic test.. I had him take the myers briggs a couple years ago and later he told me he doesnt really believe in this stuff so.. I need to respect that. I just wish I could get all this worry permanently out of my head.. Abd just TRUST that if there was really a problem he would say something (even though it says the supervisee wouldn't)
Also cynamatide based off your experience of these relations in your family - Im a Christian wife and trying to always be submissive and letting my husband take the lead. Im always trying to trust that he has the best judgement and respect his decisions. Even though Im the "supervisor" do you think this helps a lot? Im hoping so.. like maybe this is a great blessing that Im biblically aware of this


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

curiositykillsme said:


> Thanks... yea I guess what I was most concerned about was #2 cuz I would be the supervisor and yes weve only been married a little over a year.. Ive gotten both EII and IEI on socionics but I only really identify with the Ni in IEI.. the rest doesnt fit.. EII is closest.. and Im not going to make him take the socionic test.. I had him take the myers briggs a couple years ago and later he told me he doesnt really believe in this stuff so.. I need to respect that. I just wish I could get all this worry permanently out of my head.. Abd just TRUST that if there was really a problem he would say something (even though it says the supervisee wouldn't)
> Also cynamatide based off your experience of these relations in your family - Im a Christian wife and trying to always be submissive and letting my husband take the lead. Im always trying to trust that he has the best judgement and respect his decisions. Even though Im the "supervisor" do you think this helps a lot? Im hoping so.. like maybe this is a great blessing that Im biblically aware of this


If I knew him, I'd just tell him to divorce you. Supervision relationships suck compared to duality. It's ranked near the bottom so why would any sane person willingly enter a relationship they know is going to suck for them.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

MNiS said:


> If I knew him, I'd just tell him to divorce you. Supervision relationships suck compared to duality. It's ranked near the bottom so why would any sane person willingly enter a relationship they know is going to suck for them.


Jesus, why did you tell that to her?? She's surely new to the system and might have typed herself or her husband wrong or may not have any idea of how socionics inter-type relations affect people. I mean, I, for example, changed the type of every single person I typed when I first got into this thing, myself included. She's becoming seriously affected by what she's read to the point of being paranoid. And you tell her it'd be better to divorce your supervisor? That can only make her feel her relationship's doomed when she's probably worrying over nothing! Tbh, and I say this when I'm obviously inexperienced in long-term relationships, I would think if there were any issues they would've come up earlier in the relationship, unless there were some serious communication problems. There would've been signs. Yet, with the information she's given us, it seems like the issue might be all in her head and things are fine.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Pancreatic Pandora said:


> Jesus, why did you tell that to her?? She's surely new to the system and might have typed herself or her husband wrong or may not have any idea of how socionics inter-type relations affect people. I mean, I, for example, changed the type of every single person I typed when I first got into this thing, myself included. She's becoming seriously affected by what she's read to the point of being paranoid. And you tell her it'd be better to divorce your supervisor? That can only make her feel her relationship's doomed when she's probably worrying over nothing! Tbh, and I say this when I'm obviously inexperienced in long-term relationships, I would think if there were any issues they would've come up earlier in the relationship, unless there were some serious communication problems. There would've been signs. Yet, with the information she's given us, it seems like the issue might be all in her head and things are fine.


Her fault, not mine. It's not my job to hold an amateur's hand on a subject that she had willfully kept herself ignorant of. Plus I will only say what I believe and not what I think other people want to hear except when I feel that it's justified.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

MNiS said:


> Her fault, not mine. It's not my job to hold anyone's hand and the kid gloves are definitely off now and I will only say what I believe and not what I think other people want to hear.


It's not about what other people want to hear, I don't even know why you are taking that attitude. Just put yourself in someone else's shoes, it's a very basic human skill. Imagine you are in a race and someone has an accident, falls to the floor and you are behind that person, see it from a distance yet refuse to turn, so as to not waste time, and step on him. Do you tell that person "it's his fault" for having fell?


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Pancreatic Pandora said:


> It's not about what other people want to hear, I don't even know why you are taking that attitude.


I added more to the post you just quoted but I'll repeat. It's not my job to hold an amateur's hand when they had willfully kept themselves ignorant to prevent their own feeling of guilt. Suppressing the truth because they can't handle it is cowardly and vile.



> Just put yourself in someone else's shoes, it's a very basic human skill.


I bet you I'm better at empathizing than you are but I'm not going to in this particular case for very particular reasons.



> Imagine you are in a race and someone has an accident, falls to the floor and you are behind that person, see it from a distance yet refuse to turn, so as to not waste time, and step on him. Do you tell that person "it's his fault" for having fell?


If they fell on purpose to try to have me f**k me up and make me fall as well, then yes I wouldn't slow down and tell that person plainly that it's their fault afterwards. Otherwise no, it's obviously the right thing to do to help them back up so they don't get trampled. The true intent is what matters in this instance.

And yes, I can and have left people behind before when in a competitive race.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

MNiS said:


> I added more to the post you just quoted but I'll repeat. It's not my job to hold an amateur's hand when they had willfully kept themselves ignorant to prevent their own feeling of guilt. Suppressing the truth because they can't handle it is cowardly and vile.


Suppressing what truth? With what intention did you tell her that she and her husband should break up?



> I bet you I'm better at empathizing than you are but I'm not going to in this particular case for very particular reasons.


I'm not interested in this.



> If they fell on purpose to try to f**k me up, then yes I wouldn't slow down and tell that person plainly that it's their fault. Otherwise no, it's obviously the right thing to do to help them back up so they don't get trampled. The true intent is what matters in this instance.
> 
> And yes, I can and have left people behind before when in a competitive race.


It's obvious what I meant with my example and that it's not about fucking anyone up.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Pancreatic Pandora said:


> Suppressing what truth? With what intention did you tell her that she and her husband should break up?


That DCNH and intertype relations are empirically verified now and proven to be true.



> I'm not interested in this.


Thanks.



> It's obvious what I meant with my example and that it's not about fucking anyone up.


I meant if someone in front of me fell on purpose because their intent was to get me to screw up and fall too. Then I would have no trouble walking all over them as punishment for their mistakes. At least I wouldn't wear cleats though. Figuratively speaking.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

honestly Im over all this.. thank you everyone for your help. Im just going to trust God put us together for a reason. Ill also trust my husband when he tells me how he feels. Meanwhile Ill continue what I learned from his SEI dual and become more humble and practical and nonjudgemental. I think I knew this all along it just bugs me when people believe so seriously in this and that we are doomed.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

What I take from SEI type description is that its good to live in the moment and to focus more on caring for others than trying to change the world in some big way. Also to be more easygoing and nonjudgmental. Maybe socionics really did help me/us but for the theory that relations are inevitable or we cant change/adapt our type .. thats just poison. Like I think I almost needed a shrink to get over this fear.. but thats my issue and a different story haha..


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

curiositykillsme said:


> than say everything is inevitably doomed. Like before we were married I didnt know how to cook, now Im learning. Also seeing the importance to relax with others and truly enjoy the present moment with them. Honestly it feels wonderful to try and take on SEI characteristics. Im having less stress than I did before as an Infj trying to be perfect in everything especially career and school. SEI teaches me how to relax and enjoy the present moment and help my husband do so as well. Also I dont know what role exactly Fi is supposed to have in a Supervision relation but I see my husband as wiser and more humble than me when it comes to ethics and doing the right thing.


The only thing I'm going to tell you is that your supervisor can manipulate you like there's no tomorrow. Same with my supervisor, LII as does everyone else's supervisor. The supervisee has very few defense against their opposer. 



> Socionics tells me there should be a and I dont see it?


Yes, the negative component is all your supervisee's burden since you're willfully keeping yourself ignorant of how the relationship dynamic works. That's unnecessarily cruel but it's good that you're trying to be more like his dual. He should respond by trying to be more like your dual but well... for a supervisee, that's kind of impossible.



> Is it because Im the supervisor or because Im learning how to be more in harmony with him?


The latter and you would also make a kind supervisor because of it. This all sounds factory-like doesn't it. Like the dangerous and super adventurous kind. lol


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

MNiS said:


> That DCNH and intertype relations are empirically verified now and proven to be true.


Ok, now you've actually lost me and I don't know if you are bullshitting me (you avoided the question regarding your intention?) or if there's been a genuine misunderstanding between us. Of course there's no point in hiding something like the effect inter-type relations have on people but you seem to be seeing this completely outside of context. The fact is, they are likely not in a supervision relationship in the first place and up to this point I thought we agreed on this.



> I meant if someone in front of me fell on purpose because their intent was to get me to screw up and fall too. Then I would have no trouble walking all over them as punishment for their mistakes. At least I wouldn't wear cleats though. Figuratively speaking.


I understood you perfectly the first time. But now I'm not sure you understood how it relates to this situation. In any case, I'm more interested in clearing this up without any need for metaphors.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

okay..but Im still going to trust him when he tells me hes happy and good. Otherwise Im just going to go insane with worry.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

he tells me as long as Im with him I make him the happiest man in the world. I need to be happy and trust him more than any systems say how the status of our relations should be. I cant believe Ive been so worked up about this.


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## curiositykillsme (Jun 18, 2014)

btw Pancreatic Pandora I love your picture! ^_^


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Pancreatic Pandora said:


> Ok, now you've actually lost me and I don't know if you are bullshitting me (you avoided the question regarding your intention?) or if there's been a genuine misunderstanding between us. Of course there's no point in hiding something like the effect inter-type relations have on people but you seem to be seeing this completely outside of context. The fact is, they are likely not in a supervision relationship in the first place and up to this point I thought we agreed on this.


I promise you I'm not bulls**tting you. The originators of the theory tested it thoroughly and clinically in Russia.



> I understood you perfectly the first time. But now I'm not sure you understood how it relates to this situation. In any case, I'm more interested in clearing this up without any need for metaphors.


Okay great, then you knew what I meant the first time. Good, thanks. : )


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

curiositykillsme said:


> he tells me as long as Im with him I make him the happiest man in the world. I need to be happy and trust him more than any systems say how the status of our relations should be. I cant believe Ive been so worked up about this.


Yeah, I think it's obvious based on my posts but I also think I should tell you. You are probably worrying over nothing if you don't see any signs of discomfort in the relationship (well, there's probably always _some _ocassional discomfort, but I mean serious stuff). And you should wait til you've a better understanding of MBTI or socionics before looking at the inter-type relations, because otherwise they might just end up confusing you.

And thanks ^^.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

MNiS said:


> I promise you I'm not bulls**tting you. The originators of the theory tested it thoroughly and clinically in Russia.
> 
> 
> 
> Okay great, then you knew what I meant the first time. Good, thanks. : )


Oh shit, you seem like a nice person but I think there's some serious misscomunication going on lol. I do trust socionics, but based on my initial interpretation of your posts you seemed like you were evading the question. I think we agree on principle it's just it bothered me that you went and said what you said to her when to me it was obvious she probably was not in a supervision relationship in the first place and that comment served only to increase her unnecessary worrying.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

@curiositykillsme for what it's worth, you are definitely not an EII imo. Fe ego seems right, so honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. If you don't see any problems why worry for problems in the first place? Look at what's there, not what is potentially there. Geez, type 6s...


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