# Sex without Love or Love without Sex?



## 480 (Jan 22, 2009)

Love is great.... sure. But it fades. Stories of people married 40 years and still loving each other are either just that, stories... or so rare you've just as much chance of winning the lottery.

People screw up emotions. 

Now sex... you can keep having that long after love is gone. And sex is much harder to mess up than emotions. I'd rather have someone I was physically attracted to and at least got along with... over loving someone and not getting to touch them.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I have only had consensual sex twice with people I was not in love with. I loved them as friends, and even that wasn't enough to make it pleasurable or meaningful. It was the wrong kind of love. I found both of them kind and attractive. One of the hippie boys was probably an ENFP. He was one of my favorite roommates who eventually left to wander. I heard he eventually got into organic farming and drum-making. The other was an obvious INFP who was kind-hearted, but extremely spiritually deceived. He ended up joining a cult. Both sexual encounters were mistakes. I was foolish to experiment with something that was so sacred to me. I thought I could desensitize myself to the emotional block I had regarding sex, and didn't consider that it might be there for a reason, perhaps as an expression of my conscience. Anyhow, not only would I not currently be willing to have sex without love, but I would be unwilling to have sex even with someone I only loved Platonically. I would need to be "in love" with the person, and willing to commit for life. That's where I currently stand on the issue, for my own emotional protection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

WolfStar said:


> I'd like to add to my post from before.
> 
> I recently got thinking about this a heck of a lot because a good friend of mine asked me if I'd ever have sex outside of a relationship and I had to realize that, no, I really wouldn't. I cannot separate sex from love. If I'm going to have sex with someone it's going to be because I love them and sex will be a way to show that love. If I'm not in a relationship with someone and I have sex I could or could not develop feelings for them and they could or could not develop feelings for me and if we don't match there's going to be heartache and it's going to suck. I KNOW that if I have sex with someone I'm going to get attached to them so I just cannot have sex with someone until I'm in a relationship.
> 
> ...


 What if you love yourself very, very much? Then can you masturbate? XD


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

snail said:


> I have only had consensual sex twice with people I was not in love with. I loved them as friends, and even that wasn't enough to make it pleasurable or meaningful. It was the wrong kind of love. I found both of them kind and attractive. One of the hippie boys was probably an ENFP. He was one of my favorite roommates who eventually left to wander. I heard he eventually got into organic farming and drum-making. The other was an obvious INFP who was kind-hearted, but extremely spiritually deceived. He ended up joining a cult. Both sexual encounters were mistakes. I was foolish to experiment with something that was so sacred to me. I thought I could desensitize myself to the emotional block I had regarding sex, and didn't consider that it might be there for a reason, perhaps as an expression of my conscience. Anyhow, not only would I not currently be willing to have sex without love, but I would be unwilling to have sex even with someone I only loved Platonically. I would need to be "in love" with the person, and willing to commit for life. That's where I currently stand on the issue, for my own emotional protection.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree, I couldn't let myself have sex, get attached and not have it reciprocated. That's just asking for a world of hurt that I really don't need. And I'm sorry to hear about your mistakes, but such is life: live and learn. 



SuicidalMarshmallow said:


> What if you love yourself very, very much? Then can you masturbate? XD


Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it, I just over analyze it too much sometimes.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

So, do you just think about yourself when you masturbate, then? Seems like it would be hard to make that work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

snail said:


> So, do you just think about yourself when you masturbate, then? Seems like it would be hard to make that work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm just so gorgeous I just blow myself away.

Nah, and that's not what I was meaning, either.


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

WolfStar said:


> I agree, I couldn't let myself have sex, get attached and not have it reciprocated. That's just asking for a world of hurt that I really don't need. And I'm sorry to hear about your mistakes, but such is life: live and learn.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it, I just over analyze it too much sometimes.


lol k. And live and learn..ugh...cant' life just come with a manual? -_-'
Not like we'd listen to it anyways.



snail said:


> So, do you just think about yourself when you masturbate, then? Seems like it would be hard to make that work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Who do _you_ think about when you're masturbating? Obvious answer: me ;D


WolfStar said:


> I'm just so gorgeous I just blow myself away.


 Precisely.


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## Ben (Aug 23, 2009)

They both sound awful

But if the love in a relationship isn't sincere, I wouldn't bother with the sex.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Ben said:


> They both sound awful
> 
> But if the love in a relationship isn't sincere, I wouldn't bother with the sex.


I love your avatar


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Ben said:


> They both sound awful
> 
> But if the love in a relationship isn't sincere, I wouldn't bother with the sex.


Ben is male or female?


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## Bastable (Mar 25, 2009)

i guess sex without love would have far more benefits in the short-term, but in the long term i think it would get increasingly unfulfilling. love without sex would be the opposite i guess.


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## red riding hood (Aug 10, 2009)

Samuel Taylor Coleridge has a poem about love and 
Where true Love burns Desire is Love’s pure flame; 
It is the reflex of our earthly frame, 
That takes its meaning from the nobler part, 
And but translates the language of the heart. 

Sex for me is just one of many expresions of love, and if the man I loved had his winky fall off I would still love him just as much. So I would choose love with out sex any day of the week. My fiance travels quite a bit and it is hard when he is gone, and I long for him when he is gone, still I could not seee him for a year and I have no doubt I would still love him just as much, and not like I love a friend.


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## WolfXC (Aug 30, 2009)

sex without love, eat without love and shit without love
i would rather love without sex if love wouldnt be unfair and useless, a great and stupid way to let someone take everything of you, enjoy it and smile... and nothing else


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

Both options are horrible.

I do wonder what it must be like to be able to have loveless sex, to just enjoy the physical without the emotional. I simply can't do it, unless I'm by myself.

But once I'm in a loving relationship, I need sex. All the time.

So I would have to choose Love without Sex for my answer. Most of the time I would be happy and I know I would have a great life. But part of me would always be miserable.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

decided said:


> Both options are horrible.
> 
> I do wonder what it must be like to be able to have loveless sex, to just enjoy the physical without the emotional. I simply can't do it, unless I'm by myself.
> 
> ...


i love you :shocked:


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

:blushed: *stares at feet*

Thanks.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

decided said:


> :blushed: *stares at feet*
> 
> Thanks.


hey no problem. That was a great seductive post.


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

An emotional connection makes sex amazing.

You can have hot sex with someone you dont love......though it can NEVER compare to someone who is your friend that you truly love and you can lay in the wet spot with and laugh.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I must admit that being tested this way, having a boyfriend who is nearly everything I want, but not having any physical contact with him at all, is not as easy as you might expect. Love has transformed me, is more healing and beautiful than any tangible object, but sometimes I long for the feeling of warmth and tenderness that comes from physical closeness. Sometimes not being able to hug him, either for comfort or as an expression of intimacy, makes my skin almost hurt. ...so yeah. Both miserable. Agreed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stars (Jul 23, 2009)

Love without sex, for sure. Hell, I'd also take that over Love WITH sex. At least, for right now. Maybe I'm just naive and virginal, but I have a feeling Audrey Hepburn was onto something when she said "sex is overrated". Despite this, I'm not really THAT Puritanical, Victorian, or a Monk in my beliefs about it.


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## DevilDoll (Jul 31, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> I think we'd get on fine with out alcohol anyway :crazy:


Hahaha! Me too.


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

Neither. What a nightmare choice to have to make. I'll take death first.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

SEX

I've given up on romance.


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

To be honest... I know that I could not handle Sex without Love for any sort of time... Love without Sex would only be slightly more tolerable... 

For me there is such a deep psychological bond when having sex with someone you love, when you can just fall into each other for hours on end, and I think that the healthy sex part of the relationship is VITAL in taking the love component to a higher level that cannot be found without physical connection...

So ummmm yeah... I would say I prefer Love without Sex, but its a moot point because I feel both are required for the health of the relationship...


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## In a Quandary (Dec 26, 2009)

Excelsio said:


> For me there is such a deep psychological bond when having sex with someone you love, when you can just fall into each other for hours on end, and I think that the healthy sex part of the relationship is VITAL in taking the love component to a higher level that cannot be found without physical connection...


If we were telepathic and hence capable of 'mental sex', would this make a difference?


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

In a Quandary said:


> If we were telepathic and hence capable of 'mental sex', would this make a difference?


No, it would not


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## In a Quandary (Dec 26, 2009)

Excelsio said:


> No, it would not


Naturally, I would have to disagree. :crazy: But I confess being very physically disconnected at times.


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

In a Quandary said:


> Naturally, I would have to disagree. :crazy: But I confess being very physically disconnected at times.


This is a post I made earlier today on one of the INFP boards, it will explain why I feel this way:



Excelsio said:


> I am going to throw my 2 cents in... I honestly don't know how many other INTPs this would relate to, I think it would probably depend on the strength of ones T preference compared to ones N preference...
> 
> Anyway... aside from social mores, I would be 100% comfortable being in constant physical contact with my closest friends (most everyone I spend time with is NF, and almost exclusively, all are Nx)... hand holding, gentle tickles up the inside of a forearm, playing with hair, "footsies", head in the lap whilst watching a movie, anything... when I feel a psychological/emotional bond with someone, I crave so deeply to have a physical one as well...


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## In a Quandary (Dec 26, 2009)

Excelsio said:


> Anyway... aside from social mores, I would be 100% comfortable being in constant physical contact with my closest friends (most everyone I spend time with is NF, and almost exclusively, all are Nx)... hand holding, gentle tickles up the inside of a forearm, playing with hair, "footsies", head in the lap whilst watching a movie, anything... when I feel a psychological/emotional bond with someone, I crave so deeply to have a physical one as well...


I, too, am the same. When I have a strong emotional/spiritual bond with someone, I would crave physical intimacy with them also. At such depth of friendship, the nature of my feelings towards them is as such that there is no clear delineation between platonic and romantic feelings. I can be considered a highly 'sexual' creature in this regard - always seeking to merge with the other in one way or another, though not always in the conventionally sexual manner.

I suppose what I meant was that were I given a choice between mental (spiritual) or physical intercourse, I would choose the former, because I believe that it would offer a more complete sense of intimacy.


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## Yin Praxis (Jan 16, 2010)

Easy choice. Love without sex.


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

Neither? I prefer companionship without love, atleast for now. There might be sex in it, but that's not the point.


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

In a Quandary said:


> I, too, am the same. When I have a strong emotional/spiritual bond with someone, I would crave physical intimacy with them also. At such depth of friendship, the nature of my feelings towards them is as such that there is no clear delineation between platonic and romantic feelings. I can be considered a highly 'sexual' creature in this regard - always seeking to merge with the other in one way or another, though not always in the conventionally sexual manner.
> 
> I suppose what I meant was that were I given a choice between mental (spiritual) or physical intercourse, I would choose the former, because I believe that it would offer a more complete sense of intimacy.


Oh I agree... I had a situation that have only recently gotten out of... my best friend for 11 years is an INFJ, when we first met, we dated for 6 months (my first GF), nothing beyond clothes on petting happened... we broke up... moved on... she got married (to an ENFP), I got engaged (to another INFJ), the 2 of us became best friends during this point... My relationship went south, her's was awful from the moment she got married... however, after I was single... stuff started happening between us (nothing more then kissing) such as watching TV in each others arms, etc... the thought of this being any sort of cheating or adultry did not cross either of our minds, it was purely an expression of our friendship and closeness... 4 months after she got separated, we started dating... thats where the not-fun came in... we would date/break up... date/break up... over and over again... we made such amazing friends, that we both felt that we should be in a relationship... but we never made a good couple... we were always closer, and more intimate when we were in "friend" mode than what we were in "couple" mode...


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## windex (Dec 24, 2009)

Love without sex if it isn't forever.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I always enjoy "love without sex" with people. These people are called "friends". I have lots of friends. I love my friends and my friends love me. My friends also don't mind me going out into the world where I can pursue a healthy relationship which includes sweet love and good sex.:wink:


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

Love without sex, believe it or not xD


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## Who (Jan 2, 2010)

Between those two options, I'd have to go with love without sex. After all, to me sex without love would be pretty meaningless. Besides that, I'd say for a guy my sex drive is low, but my "cuddle drive" is high. You can be affectionate without it having to be sexual and it would still feel just as meaningful. Or maybe I'm just too romantic or something.:blushed:


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

assbiscuits said:


> Love without sex, believe it or not xD


I believe you. :happy:


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## murderegina (Jan 7, 2010)

Love without sex. Sex will never be infinite..but love will always be. I'd choose anything everlasting, over a sudden thrill.


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

murderegina said:


> Love without sex. Sex will never be infinite..but love will always be. I'd choose anything everlasting, over a sudden thrill.


Sex is definitely ephemeral, but do you really think love is everlasting? I'm not saying it isn't, but from what I've actually seen and experienced, that would be more the exception than the rule. I mean, it certainly isn't everlasting for everybody.


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## Dominion (Feb 3, 2010)

Having been in an all sex relationship I can say that certainly is not the way to go. We thought we loved, but you come out with an empty feeling inside when all is over. Love is the way to go, the feeling of floating on air and supreme joy when you're around the one you love is something that simply cannot be compared to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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