# If a close friend or family member wanted to 100% commit suicide, what would you do / say?



## Angry-Spaghetti (Feb 25, 2021)

How would you bring them back or would you not want to? Is it okay to let them go if they are truly suffering? Isn't it immoral to keep someone in a place of suffering against their will for others' selfish desires?


----------



## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

I can't really go into detail about this because its a touchy subject, and I'm liable to trigger people.


----------



## thisisme (Apr 11, 2010)

The thing is tho...is that suffering state is more often than not a temporary one so I think you do everything you can to help, yeah. Like...it's your disordered thinking telling you this stuff. The point, imo ought to be to get you healthy.


----------



## bearlybreathing (Aug 6, 2013)

If they have a plan and the means, I'd take them to the hospital. We have a pretty good psych unit here you can go outside and 2/3 of the docs are great (the other I had a beef with while in a dysphoric mania and I think he holds it against me). I'd tell them to be honest and go voluntarily so they don't end up going to the state hospital.
Honestly suicidality is a mental HEALTH thing I'm not prepared to deal with by myself.
Like thisisme said, it's usually a temporary thing that can be healed.


----------



## AkhenatensMummy (Nov 16, 2021)

It depends on the circumstances. If it is a cry for help, then I would try to get them to reevaluate their decision. The soul is in agony and this is not a great way to leave the physical plane. If it is one of those medical situations where the person is in constant physical pain and cannot be helped (i.e. we've tried everything), I'd have to respect their choice of death being the release and ask, "so how do you want to go? What will ease this transition?" I'm convinced that while we witness the death of others, none of us will actually experience our own moment of death. It's what comes after that is the mystery.


----------



## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

So.. someone close to me.

It’s tricky because it’s difficult to make someone change their mind when they’re adamant, especially if you’re telling them what to do when they’re at a point in life where they’re already feeling powerless in the first place to go on living because to them, nothing else can be done / nothing is worth it, they can’t, etc. So I’d probably frame it in such a way that it’ll seem as though they reached the conclusion themselves—that I didn’t just tell them they should not do it.

I’d most likely provide them with pros and cons. I’m sure the cons to commit suicide will be a much longer list. One of them will be that my life (as well as others’) will be happier with them around. And that they’ll never get to witness x, y, z, whatever they’re interested in or used to look forward to. Even a little thing such as a concert they’re looking forward to can be vital to postponing death. It can buy enough time to change one’s mind.

It’s up to them in the end, you can only help them heal or nudge them to the right direction but it’s hard to force somebody to change their mind if they’re not into it. I’d call for emergency if the need arises. At least I’m not about to watch someone kill themselves in my presence.


----------



## thedazzlingdexter (12 mo ago)

Angry-Spaghetti said:


> How would you bring them back or would you not want to? Is it okay to let them go if they are truly suffering? Isn't it immoral to keep someone in a place of suffering against their will for others' selfish desires?


I have talked many out of suicide. Mostly becuase society legally/morally requires it. Its a little sad too since honestly some people are in so much pain and suffering that letting them die would be the true blessing. I personally believe people should have the right to choose if they live or die as they did not choose to be born into this world, it was forced upon them. 

My method of convicing someone to stay is telling them that they are strong and that strong people survive and dont let the world defeat them becuase they are better than that. Generally speaking this makes them reconsider and gives them a brighter outlook on life.


----------



## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

I'd probably call in a "Crisis Team" to make an evaluation. In the country I live in, these types of Teams are around. I guess if I couldn't find a team, I'd call 911 and say "My husband said he is going to kill himself..." and seek support from 911. I think in the ER they do evaluations.

If my husband is terminal and said he wanted to die, I'd support his decision, but would want to call in Hospice, for help. I don't know the best way to kill oneself, maybe Hospice has alternatives, painless alternatives.

If my husband says he wants to kill himself because his girlfriend is going out with another boy, personally, I think that is a stupid reason, so I'd probably try to get him committed. I'd drag him to the hospital.

Assistive (assited?) suicide, the law and all, I'd have to check what is right for my state I live in.


----------



## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

I would quiz them to see what is going on. Along what lines are they depressed versus rational? After that, listen to people on this thread.


----------



## gravityfalls (Jan 1, 2021)

I suck at both Fe, and Fi, I don't have Fi. And I am not a professional.
Depression would cloud everything. With anxiety, it's hell.
It's comforting to believe suicide is an option, but they are afraid to do so.
I might not be able to understand how they feel but I will listen to them talk about their feelings. Comfort them. And ask them to get help, cs pain is necessary but suffering is optional.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

I will just say as someone who isn't now and has never been suicidal, that I'm still open to it for myself under special circumstances, and I believe I have that right as long as I succeed at it. I won't go into the details of _why_ for the things I'm listing below, unless people here ask me to, but here are just a few reasons I'd seriously consider suicide:

1) If I got cut off from my psych meds.
2) If I was facing time in a _federal_ prison.
3) If I got cut off from my disability benefits.
4) If something happened to my face that made me unpresentable to the world.

Plus there might be more things than what I listed.


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

If they really really wanted to do this…

Id bring them in for a mental health hold. Most hospitals have mental health units for this. (That’s actually what that is primarily for).

I used to have to do this when I worked as a crisis response coordinator.

It may sound extreme, but you know what is more extreme finding someone dead after they kill themselves or try to.

I usually would go initially if someone reported it actually assuming the people were histrionic (attention seekers through fictitious reports). Not out of cruelty to be dismissive, it just happens to be when ya work in mental health long enough a lotta the calls ya get are actually false alarms from the hospital and med seekers.

Usually sit down and initiate conversation in general. Saying you’re there For intervention due to some reports. You ask them their symptoms, review their meds and dosages to make sure was no dosage issue there

If there was no dosage issues, or clear pattern of someone trying to med seek or abuse the system, I didn’t really fuck around with bringing them in.

They didn’t usually get happy, no. But I pointed out to them I had an ethical obligation to immediately report their concerns, due to being at risk of harming themselves.

Usually pointing out to them, that if they already wished they were dead anyways …than I’d rather live with calling it in and upsetting them rather than them not living.

I’d usually tell them they could be mad at me all they wanted but I’d be more mad at myself for not intervening. This would usually work with %90 of the people. Most people don’t want to leave other people with guilt they are responsible for someone’s death. I mean throwing back in their face ‘what do you care if I report and bring ya in, if ya just want to die anyways’ also putting perspective to them they wouldn’t get babied (I’m not a therapist), no I don’t mean that cruel. It’s actually an intervention strategy, that they’d get redirected toward the help they need. And sticking to that topic of self care, and just talking to them in general. As people.

Like I said usually this built trust with most people. There were a few situations where I had to call the police and file a report if the person refused to willingly go in, that’s a report of self neglect. I’d file a vulnerable adult act report on the person for self neglect. Sounds harsh but it also means you have documentation to give to a doctor if they refuse to self care. To get them the care they need if they won’t do it themselves 

So no if someone seriously came and told me they would do this and seemed believable I don’t think the correct reply is just to throw your hands in the air.

Most of the people usually called me after the fact and often asked me to be a representative with them while they were working out their healing process and recovery.


----------



## 17041704 (May 28, 2020)

hmm. I guess I'll try my best to bring them back because god knows maybe deep down they simply need someone to pull them back and make it through together but I won't insist on intervening if they are that determined.

I respect their choice and I respect their courage to take that step forward and bear the ultimate responsiblity of their lives, right or wrong, and it's not for me to judge.

I may hate myself later for not doing more but to me this is my own problem and not sufficient excuse for me to insist intervention and stop them from doing what they want with their own lives if they appear to me they are making an informed, conscious choice.

Perhaps I may witness it if they are ok with that, you know just to be with them to the end and show my support (we have to be very very very close for me to do that).


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

17041704 said:


> hmm. I guess I'll try my best to bring them back because god knows maybe deep down they simply need someone to pull them back and make it through together but I won't insist on intervening if they are that determined.
> 
> I respect their choice and I respect their courage to take that step forward and bear the ultimate responsiblity of their lives, right or wrong, and it's not for me to judge.
> 
> ...


I believe that if they want to do it that bad and truly didn’t want intervention they wouldn’t tell anyone and they’d just do it. I usually think people telling someone is a cry for help. From my view they make it someone else’s responsibility as soon as they say they want to do it to another person.

I don’t necessarily disagree with you though that it’s their right to do in theory as far as freedom of self. I just believe someone forfeits the freedom the instant they bring other people into the mix.

I respect your viewpoint though. Like I said if someone is not dragging another person into it, I tend to agree with you under principle of self governing.

(Personally I find it morbid subjectively speaking). I think the only level of grief I’d have to really think of going through with that is maybe like the loss of one of my children. Or terminal illness. In which case so can’t imagine I’d burden any family or friends with telling them that. I’d just do it.

I absolutely do support euthanasia specifically with terminally ill people but I suspect based on the OP that this topic is mental health. Not severe grief or terminal illness (I don’t think). As I said I agree with ya in their right to do so. I just think as soon as they put that on another human being they forfeit the same right than if they just went off and did it.


----------



## 17041704 (May 28, 2020)

Sensational said:


> I believe that if they want to do it that bad and truly didn’t want intervention they wouldn’t tell anyone and they’d just do it. I usually think people telling someone is a cry for help.


Agreed.


----------



## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

not counting the terminal ill, which I believe they have complete right to die. But I would do the same, just let them be heard

I would just talk to them, not saying it’s wrong or right….let them be heard and to tell their feelings and perspectIves on why they feel this is the right option for them….I would validate they feelings of pain but won’t be for or against the action….im guessing they wouldn’t do it while we are talking, just keep talking…hopefully just getting it out and NOT having someone telling them what they should do, or invalidated their pain/reasoning….when they seem calm down, I would ask them if they want me to help them find help, stay with them or what…but I will never tell them, They are wrong or wrong for feeling this way,…again I would validate their pain and I would keep doing that.

I would never say do it, tho….i would avoid that and keep them talking about how or what they feel and think …not what I feel or think. It has to be their choice. I would just focus on them being able to get their feelings out on how they really feel w/o feeling judge, guilt or shame from me…to be truly heard or understood is a very powerful thing

If this was a thing they did often, I would Get out of their life bc I can’t be part of that


----------



## tarmonk (Nov 21, 2017)

In real life you likely wouldn't know that thing could happen, in advance. I've experienced such thing happening to my friend (whom I hadn't met for couple of years but chatted often) but had no idea whatsoever and there were no signs of anything like that - suddenly just stopped responding me online although was very open previously. I heard about it later and there was nothing I could do or say about to prevent happening.

My SO has worked at "madhouse" in past for years and has seen such things happening too. Said that people who talk about suicidial thoughts, usually aren't the ones to commit it. And that those who are about to actually commit, rarely talk about it in advance. Which sort of makes sense to me - such decision takes lot of focus and agreement with yourself, thus you don't want others to change your plans.


----------



## B3LIAL (Dec 21, 2013)

Would depend why they wanted to kill themselves. Some peoples lives are just fucked and there's little to no chance of getting better. Some people should have the right to end their own life if they wish.

Some people though are just not thinking straight and need a bit of a talking to and some support.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

B3LIAL said:


> Would depend why they wanted to kill themselves. Some peoples lives are just fucked at there's little to no chance of getting better. Some people should have the right to end their own life if they wish.
> 
> Some people though are just not thinking straight and need a bit of a talking to and some support.


In a nutshell.^ Brief and to the point.


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

hamodopeyemi653 said:


> I just finished my entrepreneurship course, and I earn a certificate am so happy, so I want to do a giveaway, you can book a free online section with me, where we will rub minds share, learn, and grow, anything that's bothering you, either financially, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. You can hit my conversation button thanks.


What the heck? Really dude. 2 day account. And ya self promote on a suicide thread?

Section or Session?


----------

