# When PEOPLE disrespect YOU. Is it your FAULT?



## BlackLion (Mar 29, 2014)

Hi, its me again.

Usually we all know that some people have certain kind of aura, way of talking...etc that no one dares to fuck with them.

While others show weakness, or are too nice of a person and often get bullied or picked on.

So, if you change yourself, you can change how others treat you?

If the answer is yes, which are the ways to avoid people from stepping over you?


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## Volant (Oct 5, 2013)

Well, if you--not *you *you--used to be the shy, picked-on kid at school and you decided one day that you weren't going to take this any more and stood up for yourself, then the bullies probably backed off. Self-confidence works wonders, and even if you don't feel very confident at the moment, you can put on calm, cool, and collected facial expressions. Just don't go overboard and look arrogant; that won't help.


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## ebbn (Nov 25, 2014)

..you remebered me.during school days..i was that guy that was being bullied..anws..

When someone comes to bully make fun out of that person, this last needs to sound serious confident while trying to prevent or stop them from being bullied.

Keep in mind Such people are no friends.such ppl do nor deserve to be friends.

You cant be nice to bad people, but u cant be also bad to good people.

Let them see.that you do exist, you do have your own way of doing ur things. Ur point of view in each situation, that you are in control of your life, and you can never accept to let someone control your life.

You have you own rights, who ever depasses them, it is ur turn to stop them at once.

Takes some time and practice my friend.its not that easy..but i with determination i was able to do twice..at school..and then at university. Hope i helped


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

_When people disrespect you is it your fault?
_
No, but your reaction is your own responsibility.

_So, if you change yourself, you can change how others treat you? _

HOWEVER, like attracts like, and any bullying is likely to be a mirroring of your own shadow that needs dealing with. People only copy the way you are to yourself, whether consciously or unconsciously.

_If the answer is yes, which are the ways to avoid people from stepping over you?

_Increase self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-belief, and start using and enforcing boundaries so when someone crosses a line you call them out on it. Learn to say no.


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## Mustafaheart (Dec 28, 2014)

It just depends on the situation, and don't be a pussy, (excuse my language) when trying to step into someone else's space. You do it carefully, and you have to do stand up for yourself. You can't be over thinking things, don't be dramatic, stop blaming yourself in fact stop the blame altogether, but don't be arrogant and to live in this world, you can't have a single minded mindset. It's good to be curious, but in this situation, you're showing a great side of fear; you just have to accept the fact that people will try to walk over you and ultimately it depends on you how you respond to it. You need self-confidence, and always believe in yourself no one else can or will.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

I think a person can have an aura of don't fuck with me and still be bullied and picked on. Bullies are cowards, they need sheep behind them to validate the behaviour or add fuel to the fire when they can't handle one on one. When you have group bashing I don't think it matters what aura a person portrays. Bullies don't care because their sheeple will do most of the bashing for them. Bullies will get pleasure from sending the pack to try and break a confident person, it feeds the ego.

I do think people who display weakness are more likely to become victims to bullies, however because of the power a pack can have as a unit, they wouldn't back down to stronger people either. Therefore I don't think change changes anything, If a bully targets you, change doesn't help you.


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> I think a person can have an aura of don't fuck with me and still be bullied and picked on. Bullies are cowards, they need sheep behind them to validate the behaviour or add fuel to the fire when they can't handle one on one. When you have group bashing I don't think it matters what aura a person portrays. Bullies don't care because their sheeple will do most of the bashing for them. Bullies will get pleasure from sending the pack to try and break a confident person, it feeds the ego.
> 
> I do think people who display weakness are more likely to become victims to bullies, however because of the power a pack can have as a unit, they wouldn't back down to stronger people either. Therefore I don't think change changes anything, If a bully targets you, change doesn't help you.


In a lot of cases it's best to just stay out their way.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

• When people disrespect you, is it your fault?
No, you are not responsible(*) for the actions of others. You are ONLY responsible for _your own_ actions.

(*) Assuming no coercion, manipulation, etc is taking place.

• So, if you change yourself, you can change how others treat you?
Usually. Once you project an aura of 'don't fuck with me, I promise you'll regret it,' people tend to back off or push harder in order to test your limits.

• If the answer is yes, which are the ways to avoid people from stepping over you?
Best lesson I ever learnt was: don't bluff. Worked like a fucking charm. If people think you're bluffing, they'll continue to mess with you. But if you mean what you say, and say what you mean, just a threat or _implied _threat is enough to make people think twice. <- This is true power.

Though this may backfire on occasion, so it's REALLY important to say what you mean! If you say you'll call the police, call the goddamn police. If you say you're not going to do X anymore, then just don't do it!

After a couple of times of positive reinforcement (aka making sure people know they've crossed a boundary to the point where they back down), I've pretty much got no problems standing up to anyone. But it's not just the act of pushing back, the delivery is also important. You can be assertive without aggression, but not everyone can strike that balance.


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## Mustafaheart (Dec 28, 2014)

I think Weakness and Strengths is relative because one could see as a strength and another could see as a weakness. Also, I don't think it's about the Bully, it's about you, how you respond to the situation. If you want to be stepped on, or you want to control the situation, that's all in your control. It doesn't have to be a person to "bully" you, it can be the environment, a place, financial, school, etcerta.


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## Mimic octopus (May 3, 2014)

There is definitely a degree of control you have in how people treat you. However sometimes people are just assholes. Look for patterns in your life, whether people are constantly undermining you or if it's a few isolated incidents.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Patrick_1 said:


> There is definitely a degree of control you have in how people treat you.


Is there? How can you control others' actions?


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## Mimic octopus (May 3, 2014)

isingthebodyelectric said:


> Is there? How can you control others' actions?


Because you can. Just not with any certainty.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Patrick_1 said:


> Because you can. Just not with any certainty.


No you really can't.


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## EccentricSiren (Sep 3, 2013)

I think some people really are just assholes, and no matter what you do or don't do, they're not going to leave you alone. Other people's actions are definitely not your responsibility. I think to a certain degree, you can influence how people treat you. If you're being a total ass to them, chances are, they're not going to run up to you and give you a hug next time you see them. 
But I also think there's only so much you can do to influence how other people treat you. Not everyone naturally has this "don't fuck with me" demeanor, and those of us that don't aren't necessarily weak. We might be too busy thinking about other things.


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## Mutant Hive Queen (Oct 29, 2013)

A lot of people think that not being bullied equates to having a "don't fuck with me" vibe equates to being aggressive, but I don't think this is actually the case. From everything I've seen bullies often _want_ you to get aggressive, because then they can make themselves out to be victims of your aggression, or alternatively unaffected by your aggression, but even that makes them look like not the bully in the situation. 

The _best_ response to bullying, I would suggest, is not to ignore it quite, but to show you aren't hurt by it. Meet their taunt with an equally nonchalant taunt. At least if it's _intentional_ bullying. 

If the person _isn't_ intentionally setting out to make an example of you, so to speak, then I'm not so sure what the best option is. Let me think on it. :happy:


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## baby blue me (May 9, 2014)

When people disrespect, it's not your fault they behave that way. However, if you give them the right to continue disrespecting and thinking that way about you, that's when it becomes your fault.


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## SysterMatic (Jun 8, 2014)

"It is your fault if people disrespect you?"
In a certain way... Yes. I mean: They're idiots, no doubt on that. They should not even exist. But since they exist and they apparently need to bully people then the real question may be: "ok they need to bully someone but why they've chosen to bully me of all people?" My point of view: Because you seem weak (and I'm not telling you are because they may be weaker than you but they may pretend to be not) In an utopia you should be free to be weak or whatever without the need of people to say something to you. But we're not into any utopia. And as a member of this stupid world you should know how it goes and how to behave to get the result you want. You should manipulate the opinion of others by assuming the right role in every occasion. Why you should do that? That's simple: Because you don't want to be bullied, because you want the attention of that girl or guy... Etc. To not pretend, to not adapt it does mean to be:
-1 alienated: You think to be living in the world you have in your own head. And in this case we may have so many different examples depending on who belongs the mind that is alienated. Example: "I don't need to clash with that bully using my strength because he have a good heart and he will understand my pain sooner or later and he will change. I just need to understand his pain and he will return me his kindness someday." 
-2 refusing to pretend to be someone else: This may be something people don't agree with, but anyway: I don't think every type of people have the need to pretend to be someone else in order to be respected (you may just be yourself sometimes.), but someone surely should. Example:
Guy1: "when someone goes against me I think he's an idiot and I naturally stop caring about him" 
Guy2: "when someone goes against me I get curious: Why he reacted this way? Is something I've done? It's because of his nature? When this happens I naturally get interested in my "enemy". 
In this case guy 1 don't need to pretend, but guy2 should because (this is an example is not the truth of course) if his enemy is a guy with very low self esteem and a little paranoid who thinks people look at him when they think he is an idiot then he will go angry against Guy2. And it doesn't matter the fact that you had the most noble purposes in looking at him. If he thinks you look at him because you think he is stupid then your battle it's already settled.
I know it's bad to say we should pretend but sometimes is really important to. Or we will not have this ability. I mean: We have the ability to lie because many times it is important to preserve ourselves by telling something not true. It is necessary.
And besides we have friends to be ourselves, not the entire world. So we're not completely "repressing" ourselves.
"How do you prevent being bullied?"
Well it depends by many factors. Like the situation who is bullying you and when he bully you. I mean: If you notice (like in the previous example) he get mad when you look at him then stop looking at him for the God's sake!!
Anyway for not seeming weak:
-Pretend to have self-esteem even if you don't (and in the wile you pretend you may also learn how to have it because it is really important to have).
-Don't do eye contact with "bully"
-If someone provoke you don't make them see you got the hit. In those occasion be nice and kind and pretend there is no reason to be angry about. 
-keep in mind you're no savior and you can't make those people understand they're wrong so don't discuss, it's useless.
-Be friendly with them too or they will think you have something against them and they will have a "reason" to bully you. 
And I guess there are many other things to add but I don't know at the time F: Hope you understood.


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