# What to say to a woman when she asks about your opinion on her choice of dress..etc



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Because comunication is important and guys fail at it miserably:

<.< see here if your girl asks which dress to wear to a party and she holds up 2 of them one red and one blue...what do you do?

Most guys don't care because she probably looks smoking hot (or not) in both and will say either one as the answer: The red one! or The blue one! <===this is a mistake.

:\ the correct answer is that she looks sexy in either one (more specifically, that you find her attractive). Basically she didn't ask for a solution, she wanted you to give her a gift of words aka a compliment. Now if your bodylanguage reflects this and is credible, you just scored some damn points! 

Am I right? Imo we can consider that questions for which there aren't any obvious ansers...are of this anture and the answer is often a hidden one usually a gift of words (compliment). <.< now if your girl is ranting about something and there is no obvious question to answer...similarly she isn't asking for a solution to problems, all one has to do is listen till the end and communicate back without giving solutions.

She: Did you know Jinny broke her hipp when she fell today...etc? That sidewalk in front of her house is slippery and dangerious!
You: Oh man that is terrible! *gesticulate then exchange something you exoerienced <==correct answer
You: Hmm well we should fix the sidewalk so ppl don't slip in such and such way. <==wrong answer, because the solution is irrelevant in this context.


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## Wormwood (Feb 24, 2012)

I find that when the females in my life ask for input on their attire, they generally want input on their attire.

They also think I'm gay, or, when I inform them that they're incorrect, decide at some later date that I'm gay anyway, so take that for what it's worth.


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## EmileeArsenic (Jun 8, 2012)

When I ask someone, especially my SO for an opinion on what I should wear it's because I'm undecided and want a tie breaker. It's not a trick question.

I don't ask the "Does this make me look fat?" types of questions unless I really can't tell, and FFS, if you let me walk out of the house looking excessively chubby because you're following some bullshit "dealing with wimmenz" rule, I'm going to be super pissed. I trust my SO's opinion, just like I do my close female friends. If I look fat in my dress, and I ask you if I look fat, for the love of God, tell me, and don't let me embarrass myself. I asked you for a reason.


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## Fern (Sep 2, 2012)

When men offer their _unsolicited _opinion, kinda like Wormwood was saying, I will probably assume they're gay. However, it can turn out that their ex of five + years was super in to fashion, so they can't help but comment on the historical movement of fashion your outfit is associated with... it happens.

But if I'm asking you, I truly trust your opinion and want honesty.

Basically--I *know *I look good in either dress (Why do you think I spent $$ to own them in the first place?). I want to know which one _*you *_will enjoy seeing me in the most that evening.
I also respect your opinion as to the appropriateness of the dress (i.e. blue dress is too formal, red dress is a bit too high for this event, "hey, babe, why don't you go with that classy peach-ish dresss. It's perfect for a wedding", etc. You get the idea.)

It sounds like the girls you've been in relationships have been a little bit needy; I'm sorry :/


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## KilljoyKoala (Mar 22, 2013)

The hell? You don't fail at communicating because you're a guy, and she's not asking some convoluted trick question. She's asking your opinion on a dress because she likes both and doesn't know what to wear. 
If someone asks my opinion on their clothes, I tell them whether I like it or not. And that's the end. It's NOT complicated.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

OH MY GOD I'VE LOST MY SIGHT!!!!!

okay probably not the best thing to say...
it'd be funny though :laughing:


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

FreeBeer said:


> Basically she didn't ask for a solution, she wanted you to give her a gift of words aka a compliment. Now if your bodylanguage reflects this and is credible, you just scored some damn points!


This, dear sir, would be a good time to bow out and run for it. :mellow:


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

F it, just say whatever you're thinking


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

I think it depends. Well, for me anyway. Most of the time, I just need an opinion other than my own and just want a different perspective. I won't necessarily go with what is suggested, but it is good to get a second opinion.

If a guy were to freak out, be worried about me getting emotional or saying the "wrong" thing, and then say "They both would look good on you because you are sexy and gorgeous!", I'd either shrug it off as the guy not wanting to answer or just take the compliment.

Then again, if he kept saying that EVERY time I asked for an opinion, I would think, "Why is he afraid to tell me what he thinks?" or "Why can't he be honest, what is he worried about?" "Why is he trying so hard to flatter me, does he think I'm insecure?" "Wtf is his problem?"

Just be straight up yo.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

Erbse said:


> This, dear sir, would be a good time to bow out and run for it. :mellow:


No, it isn't. Your answer is the kind of answer that makes them run away from you after a while. Women like to vent out sometimes and are really not waiting for your practical solution shit because they are well aware of the solution. They say X but want you to access Y. You'd probably stick to X and she feels that you're not getting her so you get into a fight after a while and she is an impossible woman. Well...she wasn't an impossible woman in the first place, you just weren't able to read her.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

o.o a str8 up answer would be : I don't really care *shrug*, decide on your own. Why are you asking me to decide when I don't have a fashion sense? <===this is met with hostility

OR

I think the *nsert choice* looks better on you. <=== this starts the whole, why don't I look good in the other one discussion. ^^; the truth isn't something that leads to interpersonal harmony. If she wants a truly useful opinion she should call her gay friend or girlfriend ^^ not ask me. 

...also one can vary the ways one says the same answer and can be creative in such a way imo.

:\ if i don't think she looks good in either...i'd rather shut up then tell her and spark some damn argument that ends up in her not talking to me hahah.

@Erbse


:mellow: I already anticipated this happening, a thread like this can only develop into such a situation. The intention is to stirr a reaction to get at the truth, because it is relative. It depends on the individual. I still think that if I don't know what to say I should stick to the whole creative compliment strategy.


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

All in Twilight said:


> No, it isn't. Your answer is the kind of answer that makes them run away from you after a while. Women like to vent out sometimes and are really not waiting for your practical solution shit because they are well aware of the solution. They say X but want you to access Y. You'd probably stick to X and she feels that you're not getting her so you get into a fight after a while and she is an impossible woman. Well...she wasn't an impossible woman in the first place, you just weren't able to read her.


Ok, I think there is some truth here. Sometimes I need to vent things out. Although, like I said, close to most of the time I just need a different perspective.

To all men: Let's not box women in, eh? Yes, our brains are different: statistically, women have deeper limbic systems and use left and right brain equally, but that doesn't mean that there is one solution to this "problem". If there is _any_ solution to this, it would be to treat people as individuals, not stereotypes!


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

christicake said:


> Ok, I think there is some truth here. Sometimes I need to vent things out. Although, like I said, close to most of the time I just need a different perspective.
> 
> To all men: Let's not box women in, eh? Yes, our brains are different: statistically, women have deeper limbic systems and use left and right brain equally, but that doesn't mean that there is one solution to this "problem". If there is _any_ solution to this, it would be to treat people as individuals, not stereotypes!


o.o what happens if you want to vent and I interpret it as you wanting a solution, then I give you the solution and you recieve no comforting from my part aka I won't sympathize or empathize jsut str8 up "this is how you fix it"?

In such a situation I pretty much failed to give you what you needed in the first place.

I agree its not a one size fits all situations solution, it requires some degree of intution.

I fail like that a lot of times when ppl vent on the INFP forums for example.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

christicake said:


> Ok, I think there is some truth here. Sometimes I need to vent things out. Although, like I said, close to most of the time I just need a different perspective.
> 
> To all men: Let's not box women in, eh? Yes, our brains are different: statistically, women have deeper limbic systems and use left and right brain equally, but that doesn't mean that there is one solution to this "problem". If there is _any_ solution to this, it would be to treat people as individuals, not stereotypes!


Of course there is only _*some*_ truth in there. It wasn't a complete essay about women but I do think the OP has a point and I wanted to cut him some slack here and now since I have never been friendzoned or rejected, then I am sure I must have done something right with women.

What most people didn't read (wasn't visible) is that he wasn't necessarily talking about an SO but more of talking about a potential SO. But I'm not entirely sure about that.


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

FreeBeer said:


> o.o what happens if you want to vent and I interpret it as you wanting a solution, then I give you the solution and you recieve no comforting from my part aka I won't sympathize or empathize jsut str8 up "this is how you fix it"?
> 
> In such a situation I pretty much failed to give you what you needed in the first place.
> 
> I agree its not a one size fits all situations solution, it requires some degree of intution.


I think it is a misconception that in relationships, each person should be able to compliment the person perfectly and give them all they need in every moment. 

F that. Sometimes you don't get what you need/want from your partner. Sometimes there is conflict. Take it like a man/woman and be independent!

(sorry, tangent)


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

All in Twilight said:


> Of course there is only _*some*_ truth in there. It wasn't a complete essay about women but I do think the OP has a point and I wanted to cut him some slack here and now since I have never been friendzoned or rejected, then I am sure I must have done something right with women.
> 
> What most people didn't read (wasn't visible) is that he wasn't necessarily talking about an SO but more of talking about a potential SO. But I'm not entirely sure about that.


Well, that makes sense, you are kind to do so. No one should listen to me, I'm all jaded about relationships anyway. XD


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

christicake said:


> I think it is a misconception that in relationships, each person should be able to compliment the person perfectly and give them all they need in every moment.
> 
> F that. Sometimes you don't get what you need/want from your partner. Sometimes there is conflict. Take it like a man/woman and be independent!
> 
> (sorry, tangent)


True...but if you can set aside your ego and your subjective field of pain and experiences, listen, take your time and try to trace back his or her point, emotionally and rationally - where it's coming from - then it makes it a whole lot easier to understand the other. Now that doesn't mean you have to agree with it but at least you can accept it in the most truthful manner because you understood the problem or you can correct it. And if not, then just take it like a man xD



christicake said:


> Well, that makes sense, you are kind to do so. No one should listen to me, I'm all jaded about relationships anyway. XD


Under normal circumstances I would have offered you to go out to get a coffee or something. But I can't...

Just never settle for a relationship that is not 100% fulfilling. This may sound very logical and practical but it goes a lot deeper than you might think perhaps. Eventually you will fall in love again. We're human and foolish xD


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

@All in Twilight

I was talking in general, it could be your gf, a girl, a girl who is your friend, your mother or your gay friend, your gay boyfriend (if so inclined). Unsure if someone would friendzone me because of this, imo guys get friendzoned precisely because they meet the requirements of a friend & the girl doesn't want to ruin that friendship by turning it into something more (or less..depends how one perceives friendship)  or she simply just doesn't find the guy attractive enough or her type etc...(provided the guy makes his feelings clear and has the stones to confess).

@christicake

^^; I'd prefer to understand people around me esp people I care about and give them what they need as much as possible...also getting confused as to what I said wrong..usually feels..not right.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

FreeBeer said:


> @_All in Twilight_
> 
> I was talking in general, it could be your gf, a girl, a girl who is your friend, your mother or your gay friend, your gay boyfriend (if so inclined). Unsure if someone would friendzone me because of this, imo guys get friendzoned precisely because they meet the requirements of a friend & the girl doesn't want to ruin that friendship by turning it into something more (or less..depends how one perceives friendship)  or *she simply just doesn't find the guy attractive enough or her type etc.*..(provided the guy makes his feelings clear and has the stones to confess).


The bold, you're just not it. She might say otherwise perhaps (not want to hurt your feelings or something) but we all know that's a lie xD


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

All in Twilight said:


> True...but if you can set aside your ego and your subjective field of pain and experiences, listen, take your time and try to trace back his or her point, emotionally and rationally - where it's coming from - then it makes it a whole lot easier to understand the other. Now that doesn't mean you have to agree with it but at least you can accept it in the most truthful manner because you understood the problem or you can correct it. And if not, then just take it like a man xD
> 
> 
> 
> ...


GAH. Stahp.  Stahp being nice! Also, lol what is a "normal" circumstance?!

I agree about not settling and never choosing to be in a relationship that isn't 100% fulfilling, but I think you just have to know what that means to you and let go of other things/be more independent and find fulfillment in areas of your life as much as you can on your own. Otherwise, you'll collapse as a person when you are no longer in a relationship. You may not even know what you like anymore.

My advice was based on experiences in codependent relationships. No one person can give you all you need and want, that is ridiculous. That is why there (should) be more than one person in your life. I think that there should be a 100% fulfilling connection (humor, conversation, love), but that small things like, "She doesn't play video games with me when I want.", well, those small things are why we have friends.


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

FreeBeer said:


> @_christicake_
> 
> ^^; I'd prefer to understand people around me esp people I care about and give them what they need as much as possible...also getting confused as to what I said wrong..usually feels..not right.


Well, it seems that you are trying to understand and want to do the right thing, which is nice. I'm sure your concern will come across. Dun worry! You seem nice, I'm sure the person you are into will see that. Just be willing to compromise, be flexible, listen, and understand. :happy:


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

My ex actually told me i should stop looking for solutions and just tell her how terrible a situation is... :s Im glad it didn't work out now that i can see without those damn rose glasses.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

christicake said:


> GAH. Stahp.  Stahp being nice! Also, lol what is a "normal" circumstance?!
> 
> I agree about not settling and never choosing to be in a relationship that isn't 100% fulfilling, but I think you just have to know what that means to you and let go of other things/be more independent and find fulfillment in areas of your life as much as you can on your own. Otherwise, you'll collapse as a person when you are no longer in a relationship. You may not even know what you like anymore.
> 
> My advice was based on experiences in codependent relationships. No one person can give you all you need and want, that is ridiculous. That is why there (should) be more than one person in your life. I think that there should be a 100% fulfilling connection (humor, conversation, love), but that small things like, "*She doesn't play video games with me when I want.", well, those small things are why* *we have friends.*


Totes! I get it and I wholeheartedly agree.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

christicake said:


> I think it is a misconception that in relationships, each person should be able to compliment the person perfectly and give them all they need in every moment.
> 
> F that. Sometimes you don't get what you need/want from your partner. Sometimes there is conflict. Take it like a man/woman and be independent!


Yeah, srsly. I mean, so there was miscommunication. Deal with it. There's enough drama in life to not need to create more over what dress I couldn't decide on and that he didn't give me the answer I was hoping for.

If there are persistent, personal problems in communication, that's one thing; but a lot of things just aren't that important enough to trash a relationship over.



christicake said:


> My advice was based on experiences in codependent relationships. No one person can give you all you need and want, that is ridiculous. That is why there (should) be more than one person in your life. I think that there should be a 100% fulfilling connection (humor, conversation, love), but that small things like, "She doesn't play video games with me when I want.", well, those small things are why we have friends.


Preach it! 

I think one common LTR problem is expecting your partner to be the end-all, be-all for you in life. People are people; they have strengths and weaknesses; we're all limited in some way. What matters is respect, love, and commitment. Is the "problem" something that can be worked around, and is it really THAT crucial? If not, find a solution that works for everyone and appreciate the stuff that works. I mean, would you be happier to NOT be with your partner, or do you want them in your life? If so, then find a way to compensate for smaller disappointments.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

FreeBeer said:


> I still think that if I don't know what to say I should stick to the whole creative compliment strategy.


TBH I'd probably go with that strategy as a default. I now just assume a women wants a compliment if they ask me something like that. But if I don't like something I won't compliment it just for the sake of it, and if I'm asked if I like it I will give my honest - though diplomatic - opinion.

After 4 years of marriage I grew so tired of lying and the feeling of inauthenticity that I began to say (gently) "if you think you won't like a possible response to closed question, then please don't ask" (unless it's major issue of course).


Actually thinking back that was one of the most annoying aspects of relationships, that's the core reason why I desire a open or polyamorous relationship because of the honesty it facilitates.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

All in Twilight said:


> No, it isn't. Your answer is the kind of answer that makes them run away from you after a while. Women like to vent out sometimes and are really not waiting for your practical solution shit because they are well aware of the solution. They say X but want you to access Y. You'd probably stick to X and she feels that you're not getting her so you get into a fight after a while and she is an impossible woman. Well...she wasn't an impossible woman in the first place, you just weren't able to read her.


There's a difference between 'not being able' and 'having no interest to'.

Frankly, if anything I'd put that behaviour into the teenager bracket and couldn't be arsed to put up with it. In fact I've a tendency to decide against what people want if they bug me with crap like this. That way the result will at least be entertaining :mellow:

I don't like to be toyed with, not even if boobs are involved!

My favourite question assuming an argument follows: "Why didn't you just say so, then?". Repeat as often as necessary. It typically takes a while to get through.

Don't get me wrong, though. I completely get the notion of this thread. I just loath it and all the BS it entails.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

All in Twilight said:


> It wasn't a complete essay about women but I do think the OP has a point and I wanted to cut him some slack here and now since I have never been friendzoned or rejected, then I am sure I must have done something right with women.


I call bullshit.

I've never known a single individual of any gender or sexual orientation who hasn't been rejected in their life. 

You're either lying or too narcissistic to acknowledge rejection.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

strangestdude said:


> I call bullshit.
> 
> I've never known a single individual of any gender or sexual orientation who hasn't been rejected in their life.
> 
> You're either lying or too narcissistic to acknowledge rejection.


:laughing: I call and raise you with two piles of shit.

I wasn't lying but I admit that I can be somewhat narcissistic. But I know which women I should pursue and which to leave alone. I insta-know if she is interested or not. Hell, I never even had to make move, it just happened automatically. Now this doesn't mean I change women as often as I change my my underwear (twice a week) but when I see something, I am going to get it and I will get it unless it's pointless. Most guys can't see the difference between pointless and a fat chance.

Ps. I am also incredibly handsome, very interesting and mysterious, and super sexy.


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## sofort99 (Mar 27, 2010)

"see here if your girl asks which dress to wear to a party and she holds up 2 of them one red and one blue...what do you do?"


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I don't usually ask such a thing.... if I did, then I probably want an opinion that is NOT about fashion. I obviously like both outfits & feel good in them or I wouldn't own or consider them. 

So the input I appreciate may be:
- It's cold outside - which do you think is warmer?
- The restaurant is pretty casual - which do you think suits it better?
- We're going to be walking a lot; will those shoes hurt after awhile?
etc...

Relaying it back to me with additional info is helpful. I'm not super practical, and that's likely why I'm hung up to begin with; I'm deciding between _my mood_ & what may be more _appropriate_. So I either want to discover my mood choice IS appropriate also or that the more practical choice will be the one I don't regret. 

Also, just because I ask & receive an opinion doesn't mean I will follow it, and not following it doesn't mean I didn't consider it. I'm not asking someone to decide for me so much as possibly get more info to tip the scale. I mean, if you say "the blue dress is sexier" - well maybe I don't want to look sexy that night, so that helps me decide on the red.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Though there are people who aren't looking for a truthful response, but for someone other than herself to tell her what she wants to hear.

I know, because I happen to have one of these people as a relative.


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## Kore (Aug 10, 2012)

EmileeArsenic said:


> When I ask someone, especially my SO for an opinion on what I should wear it's because I'm undecided and want a tie breaker. It's not a trick question.
> 
> I don't ask the "Does this make me look fat?" types of questions unless I really can't tell, and FFS, if you let me walk out of the house looking excessively chubby because you're following some bullshit "dealing with wimmenz" rule, I'm going to be super pissed. I trust my SO's opinion, just like I do my close female friends. If I look fat in my dress, and I ask you if I look fat, for the love of God, tell me, and don't let me embarrass myself. I asked you for a reason.


Kind of off subject but still some good advice. . . 

Please please please men, if we have something random on our face when we're out, like a black smudge, food, or if our outfit is not doing what it should be doing, TELL US!

I cannot count how many times I've gotten home from a day or night out with my partner to find that I've somehow smudged my mascara and it makes me look like I've just been a chimney sweepin'. Women tell other women IME when something is wrong with our outfit, makeup, hair and as long as it's said with help in mind, we would really rather know than look in the mirror later and go "OH WTF!"
Even strangers on the street I've stopped to say "Your shirttail is hanging out, it just needs a little tucking in! :kitteh:" I've never had a bad response, it's always "OMG THANK YOU!"


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## chimeric (Oct 15, 2011)

sofort99 said:


> "see here if your girl asks which dress to wear to a party and she holds up 2 of them one red and one blue...what do you do?"


"Wow, you look _even more amazing! _(Do I win at the kiss-assy diplomat game?)




christicake said:


> To all men: Let's not box women in, eh? Yes, our brains are different: statistically, women have deeper limbic systems and use left and right brain equally, but that doesn't mean that there is one solution to this "problem". If there is _any_ solution to this, it would be to treat people as individuals, not stereotypes!


<3

I wanna copy/paste this into 50% of the topics in this subforum.


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## Cephalonimbus (Dec 6, 2010)

Just find yourself a super hero. They have a closet full of identical outfits.


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## Seranova (Mar 1, 2013)

_I could not help but to think of this in reply to this thread._


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## qingdom (Apr 5, 2011)

ask if theres a black version. can't go wrong with the color black. always. unless it's too tight... we'll then, you're screwed.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

I have this horrible thing about me: I say what I think...

Therefore, I've dished out things to my SO like: _"You look horrible!", "You look like a clown", "WTF are you wearing?", "Are you going out in that?"_ and so on.

On the other hand, I've also said told her stuff like: _"You look absolutely edible. May I?", "Do I have to be on the lookout for thieves that may try to steal you from me?"_ or some other unusual mushy-o stuff that sometimes spurts out of my mouth before my brain can catch it and stop it.

If it's not my SO, I tend to dish out something like: "_You look bad in that", "You'd fit in a circus", "You look good in that", "You look great"_ and so on.

Ask me what I think of how you dress and you'll get an honest opinion... be it good or bad. 
I expect to receive the same and not some understatement or lie about how I look. 

If I look bad, just tell me so that I can go correct it. If I look good... well... it's my goal, no?


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

Every time my girl friend or sister asks me which is better, I flat out say, "I have no clue why, but I pick that one just because I instantly look toward that than the other."

Most of the time they agree xD


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

ilphithra said:


> I have this horrible thing about me: I say what I think...
> 
> Therefore, I've dished out things to my SO like: _"You look horrible!", "You look like a clown", "WTF are you wearing?", "Are you going out in that?"_ and so on.
> 
> ...


o.o is it the same for you? Don't take this the wrong way, but since you are gay  doesn't that make your mental landscape more similar to mine as in you may think more like a guy?


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

chimeric said:


> I wanna copy/paste this into 50% of the topics in this subforum.


What fun would that be? Generalizations generate the best discussions. 

Nothing wrong with generalizing as long as you acknowledge that's what you're are doing IMO.


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