# I want to start dating, but where do I start?



## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

I feel like this is me sorting out my thoughts, if anything. I appreciate any sound advice given however.

I don't know about you, but I'm 22...and I've never dated. I'm probably not the only one here in this situation. I've recently found my problems keeping me from dating, to the point where I realize I'm the one who doesn't want me to date, like I'm a crazy ex that is cockblocking me from any attempt to move on from this past relationship. But I still listen to that "crazy ex", and here I am. 

I've seriously pondered on this for god knows how long, as to what is keeping me back specifically. Maybe I'm ugly? Maybe I'm weird? Those thoughts never even crossed my mind. Something even dumber. 

For one, I feel extremely uncomfortable with the thought of "dating" dating...I don't know what else to call it. Basically the thought of meeting with someone with the intention of being together for a period of time but suddenly starting to go way out of your way for the other person for the purpose of copulating and being able to call someone "yours" really fucking creeps me out, and it seems to me that almost EVERYONE does this! That's what online sites seem to do, at least. The thought of online dating sites creeps me out too, even if it has legitimate options. Maybe I'm too young and naive to take it seriously, just seems strange to me.

It seems like I have a "fairy tale" way of looking at how dating works, but it's not a traditional fairy tale. I want to fall for a best friend who thinks I'm as funny as he is to me, who has ambition in life and cares for his friends and family, wants to learn about everything, travel the world, have as much fun as I do, who isn't a doormat. I want to actually share my life with someone who feels the same way, but that is just asking for way too much, and I'm not willing to settle in terms of dating. 

Even guys I try giving a chance easily prove to me that they aren't worth it. They are going nowhere in life, sitting in their basement playing video games, take everything seriously, don't want to try anything new. 

Maybe I'll just stick to one night fuckings and hope I don't share too much about myself so we can both be on our way the next morning. Again, I'm just trying to sort things out in my head. I've tried getting a bit closer to guys, but then I always end up being a third wheel and all of my female best friends get the guys. 


Or you can start posting pictures of cats, to motivate me to just get cats and forget about all of this nonsense.


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## ApostateAbe (Aug 8, 2013)

What is your height and weight? Crass question, but I honestly think that is at the root of the problem most of the time when a woman in the western world finds few love opportunities. And I ask it because it would be a problem that can be solved rather than just a problem.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

OK lady, Cat lover video on the way !!







(p.s. you have to watch the whole thing)


You are welcome.

:kitteh:


-ZDD


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## moron (Aug 19, 2013)

The bar.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

ApostateAbe said:


> What is your height and weight? Crass question, but I honestly think that is at the root of the problem most of the time when a woman in the western world finds few love opportunities. And I ask it because it would be a problem that can be solved rather than just a problem.


Haha. That's not a problem. I'm 5'6" and weigh 145 lbs. And I see all physical types of women with boyfriends. It might be more difficult, but they're still able to find enjoyment in their relationship.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

22 is still young. I think when it happens to you it will be something you were not expecting or didn't see coming. 

It's normal to feel anxiety over things like this. The trick is to not let it get to you and just go and be yourself. The right person for you will find you when it's time.



and, just to show that I do care, here's a picture of a cute kitten for you to think about while you get some sleep tonight.












-ZDD


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## Ramysa (Mar 22, 2012)

Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> OK lady, Cat lover video on the way !!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


wt..?? Is this for real?? Tell me it's not...


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## ApostateAbe (Aug 8, 2013)

Tawanda said:


> Haha. That's not a problem. I'm 5'6" and weigh 145 lbs. And I see all physical types of women with boyfriends. It might be more difficult, but they're still able to find enjoyment in their relationship.


OK, great, it's not that. I am not done being shallow about this. Send a picture of what you look like on a normal day to either me or a stranger and have him take an honest look to see if there is anything wrong with your appearance.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

Ramysa said:


> wt..?? Is this for real?? Tell me it's not...


Oh yes... oh yes indeed.

One of the funniest things i've seen in a very long time.


-ZDD


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> OK lady, Cat lover video on the way !!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh man, this is classic! Made my day! roud: Bahahahah

I'm surprised that she decided to post that on the internet! All it reminded me of was this:










"Do you go to eHarmony?"
"*sniff* No, I just have a lot of feelings for cats."
"Okay, go home."


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

I know, it's one of the funniest things I've seen.

She's a real keeper.... as in "keep the F*CK away from me!"

lol

-ZDD


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Yeah I don't date either. I don't think it's anxiety? I just don't think I'll find someone I'll actually fall for is the problem. I suppose I'm too picky? Idk. I just want the right one and not some random person who I kind of get along with. I'm wanting to adopt a kitten too. I think it would be easier. I'm 19 and haven't ever dated. I was in a relationship but we started out as friends. So I think that might be what you and I have to do. Just befriend somebody (not through dating, but through something you like to do) and advance that relationship. When I become a personal trainer I'll probably get friends who enjoy exercising like I do and it wouldn't be dating but just hanging out and being happy.


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## xlr8r (Aug 14, 2013)




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## FaveteLinguis (Mar 5, 2010)

Tawanda said:


> It seems like I have a "fairy tale" way of looking at how dating works, but it's not a traditional fairy tale. I want to fall for a best friend who thinks I'm as funny as he is to me, who has ambition in life and cares for his friends and family, wants to learn about everything, travel the world, have as much fun as I do, who isn't a doormat. I want to actually share my life with someone who feels the same way, *but that is just asking for way too much, and I'm not willing to settle in terms of dating.*


I think this paragraph would pretty much answer your own question. Particularly the bolded part. Laundry lists are pretty common going in, in my experience though, that shit drops off tremendously as you start dating more. People aren't so one dimensional, seems simple enough, but demanding a straight up list of characteristics tends to start boxing people in. Also it takes quite a bit of time to get to know a guy, so he might or might not show all that you want in the first few dates. Try more like a few months.



> Even guys I try giving a chance easily prove to me that they aren't worth it. They are going nowhere in life, sitting in their basement playing video games, take everything seriously, don't want to try anything new.


Start getting involved in different social groups.



> Or you can start posting pictures of cats, to motivate me to just get cats and forget about all of this nonsense.


To be honest, it just sounds like you're afraid of being intimate with a dude, and you rationalize a way to avoid getting involved. I don't know whether it's a fear of getting hurt or the disappointment that a guy may not live up to your expectations. That'd be something for you to figure out.

P.S. Cats are the sociopaths of the animal kingdom. I've enough of them try to trip me walking down stairs. Furry bastards.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

FaveteLinguis said:


> I think this paragraph would pretty much answer your own question. Particularly the bolded part. Laundry lists are pretty common going in, in my experience though, that shit drops off tremendously as you start dating more. People aren't so one dimensional, seems simple enough, but demanding a straight up list of characteristics tends to start boxing people in. Also it takes quite a bit of time to get to know a guy, so he might or might not show all that you want in the first few dates. Try more like a few months.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks for the input. I wouldn't necessarily say that the "laundry list" I have is looking for characteristics specifically, but more so compatibility more than anything, and you can't figure that out until you've spent time with your date for...well, some time. I'm trying to settle more though, yet I still refuse to settle for anything "online" related. It's still an incredibly creepy concept to me. Maybe it is a fear that I have to overcome, but at this point I don't think I'm ready to consider it. 

It's actually interesting that you point out getting involved in social groups in order to meet other guys, but in actuality, that's how I met the few guys I tried having "something" going on. Met them at the bar, had some fun, and then somehow things kept going after that for a few months to a year. I never really cared for their social groups, as much as I tried to, and they didn't care for mine. 

The guys in my social group are not attracted to me, maybe because they see me as "one of the guys". I can't say for certain I'm attracted to any of them, either.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

Expedited rules of long-term dating:

1. Take time and feelings
2. Place both directly into toilet


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

Dating is a way to shop around for casual sex. You can't expect to find true love that way, because love isn't something you can shop around for. Nor can you manufacture it out of sexual attraction, though by god people try.


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## Pianoasis (Nov 10, 2011)

Start with My Little Pony. The rest is a piece of cake.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

Pianoasis said:


> Start with My Little Pony. The rest is a piece of cake.


The ponies stay. The most obsessed I've been with My Little Pony has merely been watching the show and making my avatar on this site a pony, and that is all.


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## WindowLicker (Aug 3, 2010)

Tawanda said:


> I feel like this is me sorting out my thoughts, if anything. I appreciate any sound advice given however.
> 
> I don't know about you, but I'm 22...and I've never dated. I'm probably not the only one here in this situation. I've recently found my problems keeping me from dating, to the point where I realize I'm the one who doesn't want me to date, like I'm a crazy ex that is cockblocking me from any attempt to move on from this past relationship. But I still listen to that "crazy ex", and here I am.
> 
> ...


You need to follow some rules here. 
#1. Your ex no longer exists, not in any train of thought or even as an excuse. Understand?
#2 Have standards, if you want to be in a relationship: don't have one night stands. Lower your number of sexual partners to like one friend with benefit with a high sex drive. 
#3 Don't date. Just talk to guys see if they match your lifestyle/world view, and if they do then you'll be interested and if not then you wont. 
#4 You're really funny and you seem like someone who will be happy with someone who's right for you, not someone you have to adapt to. (Mostly an observation)

Think about your interests for a second. Do you like to go outside or maybe make stuff? Think about doing those things with a SO, then you'll start to manifest what you really want.


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