# I'm unable to enjoy my personality



## pericles (Apr 16, 2011)

Okay, I've decided to make a thread because I felt things are getting pretty bad and I could use some advice/support.
Some background info: I'm an ESTP who dealed with depression and others weird disorders in the past. 
This year, I've decided to take control of my life, I've done this by getting really serious with my studies and by making sure I meet new people and and do activities that I enjoy. 

Only there was a weird problem that spoiled and is still spoiling everything,a kind of a vicious cercle: When I'm in my normal ESTP mode i'm very very very irritable: an unexpected noise, someone talking to me when I don't feel like it, those simple event trigger a completety disproportionnate reaction/irritation in me, so what happens is that by the end of the day I'm so irritated that my psyche can't handle it and the feeling of instability trigger a *shadow *episode: sometime I become Ni-Fe (INFJ) and sometimes ISTJ (Te-Si), . Now what's weird is that when In my "shadow" or in the grip mode, (INFJ or ISTJ) I'm not irritable at all, so what happens is that I spend a few days in my shadow and then get back to my ESTP normal-self, but since Im so irritable in my normal ESTP mode, I'm only able to spend a day or two in my normal personnality before being overwhelmed by my shadow, again. And again and again. That shit lasted for 3 or 4 months now.

Why am I only this irritable when in my ESTP mode? What if this would last forever? How to snap out of it?

I've tried and I'm still trying "cognitive behavioral therapy" on myself, may be I've developped automatic-thoughts that triggers the irritability, and by getting rid of them I could get rid of the irritablity, It didn't give me any results so far.

So, yeah, any advice? Can someone relate? (Just don't advise to go seek professional help,okay?)

Thanks.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)




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## pericles (Apr 16, 2011)

PeteTheZombie said:


>


You obviously don't realize how serious the problem is for me. So it would have been more respectful if you just refrained from posting.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

pericles said:


> You obviously don't realize how serious the problem is for me. So it would have been more respectful if you just refrained from posting.


you posted on a public forum youre going to get a variety of answers
so if you dont want to take my advice simply ignore it


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

That wasn't even funny and inappropriate (as in, had nothing to do with anything) :/.

Anyway, I can somewhat relate. Peoples' reactions to it are the worse, right? 

My advise? Kratom . Also, while I don't agree with your shadow theory, I think you're just depressed, I'm also extremely irritable lately and withdraw frequently. I'm depressed though (you won't even notice if you are). Maybe that's the problem, it could be that simple.


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

Out of curiosity, what were you like 3 or 4 months before when this wasn't happening? I haven't had this problem with irritability, but other things. 

CBT takes a while, you have to continually challenge the thoughts/behaviors in the moment until it sinks in and becomes second nature, and even then it may be something you need to be conscious of a lot of the time (I feel like by the time you're no longer conscious of it, you've been conscious about it for so long that you don't even notice when it's no longer in your head, you can't celebrate it because you've forgotten/it's taken so long). You could also take preemptive action against your triggers - if you know noises and distractions bother you when you're concentrating, make sure you won't be bothered when you have things to do, etc. If this is unavoidable, keep working with the CBT, just make sure it's thorough and you know what you're doing if you don't think professional help is necessary (it's nothing to be ashamed of). If your reactions have been affecting your relationships, it may be helpful to see the difference in how people respond to you when you don't snap as a sort of reinforcement system. Also, try to keep how you think of this to actions *not* labels, don't think of yourself as 'irritable' (label), just keep 'do not snap' in the back of your head and see how you do. Maybe try taking one deep breath before you respond and after you respond to something that might normally irritate you, just to bring yourself back down.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

I'd say avoid using MBTI and Jungian Personality to explain your problem. Think about that stuff later on, when you find the actual issue. MBTI does an attractive job at explaining what you're dealing with, but I don't find it to be very accurate.

Think of yourself in looser terms, don't think about how XXXX you're acting or why your ________ is causing your issues. Labels labels labels. 

Perhaps your irritability is just a displacement defense, an easier medium to deal with your problems. Look inwards, and avoid labels. Post back when you've done that.


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## pericles (Apr 16, 2011)

@_Aßbiscuits_ People reactions. Yes. Especially close ones, I tend to abruptly ask them to shut up and then feel bad afterward. I see you are an ESTP. Well I've dealed with depression before and it's nothing like it, I'm not depressed because except when there is something that is irritating me , I feel quite good and I'm still able to enjoy activities and people , what's _really_ bothering me is that I'm unable to access my normal cognitive functions, that I function differently from what I know myself to be because of  the _irritability_. If that makes any sense. (I'l take a look at that Kratom plant, thanks)

@_funcoolname_ thanks for giving me faith in CBT, i only been trying this for two weeks. To answer your question, I've been prone to anger/irritablity before, the only break point that I can think of that separates what I've been from what I've become was an emotionnal roller-coaster I went through for some weeks because of a love affair (There, I said it ) , may be that was the trigger, can't see how it relates to my current problem though.

@_Scruffy_ Yes, I was kind of excepting a reply along those lines and I see what you mean, in that I shouldn't think in term of the MBTI. Let me explain myself though: I wouldn't have brought up the MBTI in my problem if the MBTI wasn't the underlying isssue: When I'm not irritated , I feel quite _good_ . If I feel good, what's the problem then? What's bothering is that I'm not accessing my normal personnality for a sustained period of time. That I'm unable to use that Se-Ti of mine. But yes, you are right in that If I get rid of the irritability, the "MBTI problem" will disappear of itself.

Thank you all for your replies, much appreciated.


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## this is my username (Apr 15, 2011)

You can't effectively perform CBT on yourself.


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

I agree, it's probably the same and may not be as effective (I've never had it so can't say for sure), but just being aware of your thoughts and reactions to things and challenging them can be very helpful, and doing that is the premise of CBT isn't it?


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

I suppose we disagree on the importance of MBTI when assessing personal issues.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

this is my username said:


> You can't effectively perform CBT on yourself.


I'm always going to have a problem with the acronyms CBT and ATM...


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

@pericles I understand what you mean by being very irritable to the point of being fed up with it later in the day. I don't have depression though, I'm an anxiety kinda gal. I think that tends to exacerbate my irritation with disruption. I can get very focused on things but when I'm interrupted, I can get very irate. I don't really see it relating to my personality though.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Self Test

If you are a Highly Sensitive Person, you probably won't be able to trick yourself out of it with CBT. If possible, the best option might be to avoid overstimulating environments, becoming more aware of what is causing the irritation so you can eliminate it.


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## this is my username (Apr 15, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I'm always going to have a problem with the acronyms CBT and ATM...


 Why, what does your brain fill in?


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

this is my username said:


> Why, what does your brain fill in?


The other definition of CBT and since most sources on ATM have "at the moment" it's aka "ass to mouth".


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## this is my username (Apr 15, 2011)

Fizz said:


> The other definition of CBT and since most sources on ATM have "at the moment" it's aka "ass to mouth".


 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow, that's hilarious. I'll keep that in mind.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

this is my username said:


> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow, that's hilarious. I'll keep that in mind.


I've heard that CBT can be as painful as CBT.


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## JamieBond (Dec 13, 2011)

@pericles

Have you tried working out? It might seem lame, but your frustration may come from excess energy. I find that after I've worked out, I don't have the energy to be annoyed.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

You sure you're an ESTP? Our normal type is supposed to feel the best for us. If you're only ESTP when irritable, that might actually be your shadow type. The intolerance of sudden noises/stimuli is inferior Se taking over. Inferior functions are rarely pleasant, until you're old enough to have assumably developed them.

Especially since you mentioned calming down when in INFJ mode.

I can relate - though in my case, when in shadow mode, it's my tertiary Fi kicking me in the ass. Go figure.


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