# Self-development!



## Zirankot (Apr 1, 2021)

Well, I decided that I should start working on myself and the first thing I decided to start with was my knowledge. I think I should repeat the grammar rules first. As far as I know, many people in such situations start with the gym, but I think this is stupid because the gym will not make you more interesting in communication... (Imho). What do you think?


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

What do you not like about yourself and want to change? Start with that. So if it's because you're fat then start with the gym, if it's coz you want to be more interesting in communication then start with conversing with interesting people and take note of what makes their conversations interesting. You may also want to consider that just because you find it interesting doesn't mean others will as what makes a conversational interesting is subjective so there may not even be a point in pursuing this unless you have some ulterior motive such as;

Using interesting convos to;

Make more friends
Network with more people to get more opportunities
Find a bf
Become an entertainer
Be more likeable to others
Figure out what your end goal is and determine how interesting communication even helps you achieve that end goal/result.


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## Weiss (Aug 1, 2013)

Zirankot said:


> Well, I decided that I should start working on myself and the first thing I decided to start with was my knowledge. I think I should repeat the grammar rules first. As far as I know, many people in such situations start with the gym, but I think this is stupid because the gym will not make you more interesting in communication... (Imho). What do you think?


If you wanna gain more knowledge, when you have conversations with people, listen and ask questions like a student to a teacher. Ask people's opinions, like what you did with this thread and then keep asking questions. People love talking about what they think. Asking about people's interests and why are a great way to learn a lot about a particular subject. After that, it's just knowing what you would like to listen to from people.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

Zirankot said:


> Well, I decided that I should start working on myself and the first thing I decided to start with was my knowledge. I think I should repeat the grammar rules first. As far as I know, many people in such situations start with the gym, but I think this is stupid because the gym will not make you more interesting in communication... (Imho). What do you think?


To be honest, I don't think learning better grammar will make you more interesting in communication either. What you are looking for to learn is emotional intelligence, intelligence about how other people feel and how your words and actions make them feel. Because you can have perfect grammar yet still be boring.

While I think everyone should have a basic dignity to stand up for himself when appropiate. To believe you are worthy of respect. I think being soft-spoken and diplomatic goes a long way, emotional intelligence is intelligence is social relations, knowing how to get people to be more amiable to you or open up to you through soft power rather than having to push their buttons. Knowing how to talk to them to make them feel good around you so that they are more likely to accept your requests. Either sounding very grateful, delicate, jokingly, making them feel important, and so on. Being soft-spoken and diplomatic is also important when you have done something bad, admit your wrongs. Don't apologize on the too humble or desperate side, you need some dignity, just say that you are sorry and promise you will make up for it. At the end of the day we all want something, you got to figure out what people want, you got to know what to give to get from people what you want. Life is a transaction, you have to give a little to get a little.

As for conversation itself. There are various skills that makes you better at conversation, but I don't think grammar is one of the most important ones. I know that people like talking about themselves and about their interests. So you can talk to people about themselves or about their interests. If you find a common interesting subject it's even better, you can talk about interesting stuff you are both fascinated about.

Other than that, you can:

Validate people, this most often comes in the form of agreeing with them. When people sense disagreement they put up barriers, reinforce their reasoning, and create distance. This principal is called “Yes, and ... ” it's how you build on a story and create spontaneity and consensus.
Listen to them as if they are the only person in the room. Look her in the eyes. Show them that you're listening by focusing on what they're saying. Don't interrupt them or finish their sentences.
Find commonality. Mentally, people are looking to check a box that they can make some sort of affiliation with you, however distant. Find any sort of commonality, shared interests and common connection. For example: ", “I see you went to school in New England”, “you also know Joe", “yes, Joe's a great guy. I went to school with him. How do you know him?”, it goes a long ways in terms of building trust.
Use good adjectives to describe other people. People usually associate us with the adjectives we use to describe other people.
Greet people as if you were greeting an old friend you hadn't seen in a while. Smile deeply. A great smile is remembered.
Talk slowly, being a fast talker has negative connotations, people respond better to someone who talks slowly and deliberately. Exude calmness and be measure in your speech. Don't talk or feel rushed.
Become a good listener, ask more questions, suspend your ego, be authentic, admit you are not perfect, don't be pushy, adjust to almost any situation, don't be judgemental, copy body language, tell a secret.

And since we're talking about personal development, there was a study:

When the alarm rings, jump off the bed immediately. The most productive people do this.
Clean up your room. It will help you be more organized and motivated. Because our enviroment has an influence on us.
Beside these 2 towards which you can start working right away, if you don't want to hit the gym, you can always simply focus on eating more healthy, taking care of your body without hitting the gym or simply to become more motivated towards what you want.

You got to be motivated, you got to find yourself a purpose, a purpose that you believe in, and walk towards it. If you are not with the soul in there it's kind of difficult.

You got to be prudent all the time and take things from time. Not wait until things are bad to make a chance, but if things are bad, make a change. You must be concerned about what you are doing. You must be preoccupied about what you are doing. Starting tomorrow you should give more interest in what you are doing. Regardless how stressful or non-stressful it may seem to you, maybe at some other time it will seem relaxing.

If you have something to do, you got to feel that you want and already do that thing for it. Because if you let things be, go with the flow, you won't even realise it, a year will pass and you won't even realise it. You're cought in this "eh, let it be, maybe some other time" thinking. This is why you need to be perseverent and rise up with what you want. Because if you want to rise up but also have a good time and a relaxing life, you won't be able, it's not ok. I'm not saying it's impossible, but those are rare cases, less cases than otherwise.

You can party from time to time, but you can't party and lose time daily as well as work towards your goal daily, you need to be productive and work towards a purpose that you believe in, a purpose that you got to feel that you want and already do that thing for it, that you are there in with the soul, you got to rise up, not to wait until things are bad to make a change. Be careful with decisions, because decisions are the most important. A decision is: am I doing good or not? And that's it, what you find in bad, only you know that keeps you stagnant, but you also have to find in good.


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