# What you bring to the table?



## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

Why do people like diamonds? Because they are rare, so they are valuable.

In relationships, I would like to think that people believe they bring some sort of value as well as receive value from the other person.

So when you are valued, what is more important to you? Being valued for X or being valued for something specific.

I would like to leave out looks and money here, as I don't want this to be about objectification or being treated like an ATM.

For example, if you had been told a lot of your life by relatives that you are a funny person. Would it bother you if your partner or a person you are interested in may not value you for your humour but values you for other things, ie being a good listener?

Or would you be offended that you were not valued for the things that you believe you should be valued for, but for other things instead? 

Although I have said I am leaving out looks and money. Please feel free to comment if you don't mind being valued for these things. As someone who goes to the gym, I take it as a massive compliment if someone initially likes me based on looks alone, its a reward (amongst many others) for my hard work. However I know that some people view this differently. (For the record, I am an ex-fatty).


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

The table.

I like making things.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Some of it's harder to articulate or quantify--maybe it's because of that that looks and money do get mentioned. It's much harder to say what invisible things one brings to the table.

There's also subjective values--so like to one person someone is bringing something to the table, whereas to another they don't value that so they only see it as a deficit or they don't even acknowledge it at all.

But from past partners and friends I've known, I've been told that:

* *





I can be funny (def. not to everyone). 
I seem to be genuine and usually honest.

I am going to pause--because I can imagine asking, "but what does that BRING"--but being genuine helps people develop a clearer sense of what to expect from you, and so this helps trust develop. So some aspects might weird out some people and refresh others, if it fits with them. And for some people it building that trust allows them to also be more genuine and themselves, which people can enjoy...because then they can self-reflect or deal with real issues.

I am a good cook.
I am intelligent (this is mixed...most of my closest friends have been more intelligent than me, but they've still felt I had some difficult-to-pin down intelligence, even if I often don't show it.)
I am artistic.

I think this also translates to, I am going to extend more effort understanding any passions a partner has--like I'm not going to immediately be like "why do you even like doing this? Stay home and cook!" Because I know what it's like to have passions and hobbies.

I can be helpful. If someone is ill or faces a problem, I will often spend time trying to find information to help them or a solution--such as if they need a new diet b/c they have found they have insulin problems, or develop some kind of illness.

I can listen--so people can often vent and sometimes venting helps them solve their own issues, or else I offer suggestions as well.

People have remarked they don't feel I'm judgmental--so they feel comfortable talking about these things, which again can help them resolve it. I'm not going to, usually, just posture over them or give a short/un-thought-out answer when they open up about a problem or weakness.

Idk--I have some understanding of some skills--like I can fish, identify plants, have skills camping, have some knowledge of weapons and survival tools, have knowledge about child psychology, etc.

I am pretty patient--I don't actually get angry very often to people, and I generally try to deal with it on my own. And I can be forgiving. But INFPs (in my experience) can also cut people off unexpectedly, and that can be hurtful. I can also be flakey--as my XNTJ friend has said--I think she eventually stopped wanting to try reaching out because I didn't put the same effort to maintain the friendship and she felt hurt by it and also resentful.





As for being valued...with humor, I do appreciate being able to share that with a partner/close friend. Because it is a way to connect.

I def. prefer to be around someone who shares humor or can take things lightly, also because I can be very serious otherwise. 


* *





One of my best friends growing up--I suspect she was an INTJ or ENTJ, shared humor with me, so we both made each other laugh and I felt much more free to be myself around her.

But that's like--if she said "people feel free to be themselves around me"--well she probably wouldn't, because most people didn't, but because of the close connection we had (we liked to discuss a lot of topics including speculative/controversial stuff) I felt totally comfortable that she knew me and wouldn't misinterpret. And I didn't expect her to be some way either--she felt free to be herself around me. We had a very close friendship for years.

So one thing she brought to the table to me, was perhaps the opposite of what othrs would say, because many others thought she was intimidating.

But my ex was ESFP and I would much rather be able to share the same humor, like with my XNTJ friend. I didn't feel offended, just one way we didn't connect. We did tend to connect on some values more though (with ESFP) like environmentalism, but for day to day interactions sharing humor can be nice.




I always feel weird trying to answer these kinds of questions, but it does seem good to think about.

But I feel that to one person, things I bring will seem like deficits to another. To one, it might look like depth whereas to another it will look like vast nothingness, or to me a friend might be endearingly blunt and aggressive and to another they will seem threatening. So I don't think its that easy to answer, because people want different things and are compatible with different things.

When it comes to "being offended" for not being valued--it's usually more offensive if someone doesn't value things important to me, like my feelings, my wellbeing, my happiness in life. I would rather not be with someone who only valued me, say--for my humor, but didn't care if I was suffering etc. Though that's a little different--I guess more like love.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

I think I have various good qualities, but my romantic partners mostly ignore or deny these.

Offhand, I can think of only two instances where a boyfriend seemed proud of me. 

One boasted to his friends that I had bicycled a long distance. This made me feel good, because it seemed like validation and support of things I value about myself.

Another boasted to his family that I was a "professional." I didn't like this, because my job was not really a profession, and I regard what I do for a living as unimportant.


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## ricericebaby (Aug 18, 2017)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> Why do people like diamonds? Because they are rare, so they are valuable.


It doesn't need to be rare qualities, just good, solid ones. People like bread, too. 

I appreciate being valued for the same things I value, but I also appreciate being valued for things that have not been previously brought to my attention.

Of the more atypical things to bring to the table, I brought moxie and physical intimidation. Lots of men find those unattractive qualities as they're not considered traditionally feminine, but my husband immediately appreciated them: "I don't have to wonder if our future children are safe when they're with you. I don't ever have to wonder if you've got my back if something happens."


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

If it's a potluck, something that doesn't require hoarding the hostess' kitchen appliances to avoid the hair pulling, fight to the death quality of some events. It doesn't matter if this consideration isn't noticed.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)




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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

My husband says he values my grit, determination, inquisitiveness, compassion, nurturing nature, intuition, sense of humor, loyalty and support.


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## Negotiator (Mar 15, 2018)

My bf was just after an ENTJ.


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## kokora (Apr 13, 2020)

i bring a lot of moral support and good vibes


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

> What you bring to the table?


The hot-sauce. 🔥


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

A lot of mess 🤭


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## Winter-Rose (Jul 20, 2021)

I prefer to be valued for some aspects more than others.

For ex. it's nice if someone says "You're intelligent, I like it" but I don't want my connection to be entirely based on intelligence. I'd prefer an emotional connection.

If someone says "I feel at ease with you, I can talk of everything with you, you make me emotional...I feel I want to be more in touch with you" I'm very happy.

Someone can be more informed on certain topics than others and so I can't be completely intelligent, being valued more for my formation makes me feel there are expectations that I can't satisfy. In the opposite side if you feel an emotional connection, it'll be easier for me to feel comfortable as well.

It's as if the feeling depends less on external cirmustances and formation, it's connected to the inner self. So I prefer if you value me for my "independent" inner self more than my formation/education and knowledge. I like to think "Oh, you value me for my innate qualities, so I won’t let you down, I'm like this and it doesn't require efforts...if you like me naturally it'll be easier even if one day I'll fail with something which took me time and efforts".

So I prefer being valued for what you personally feel around me more than for a generic thought about be.

Ex: "You make me feel at ease" from my point of view is better than "You're a person who makes people feel at ease".
The way you say it makes it sounds different. I like subjective compliments.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

SgtPepper said:


> The hot-sauce. 🔥


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

I think I just like being seen and appreciated for who I am. So I think it would bother me if someone didn't value some aspect of myself, because it would feel like they're blind to a part of myself or didn't care about it? It would also feel like a waste, in a way, for talent or trait of mine to not be taken advantage of (in the best possible way of course). So yeah, ideally I prefer to be valued for _all_ I bring to the table. I mean, who doesn't? lol 

I don't think that's asking too much only because I'm not one to settle. I would think I'm not very compatible with a person if they only valued a small portion of my traits and talents. It probably means we have completely different values. And it goes both ways. I value my boyfriend for all that he brings to the table and he values me for all I bring to the table. I like everything about him which is no exaggeration to say. I'm just gaga for him because we're compatible.

And yes, I like being valued for my looks because I want my partner to be physically attracted to me. It makes me feel desirable. I'd only be turned off by it if it were clear that my looks were the only thing a person was attracted to me for because that's shallow and boring. It's not objectifying if the person values you as a whole person.


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## Sinuous (Jun 18, 2021)

Idk how it works, i bring memes and good songs.. acts of care.. lmao


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

1. I bring loyalty on a fundamental level if I’m in a relationship. I.e. Really mindful of a s/o with regard to not undermining them in public/social settings. Them knowing even if I disagreed with them over a subject I support them as people. I just have a really strong code of ethics on not selling out my loved ones, and standing by their side. As I said even if I don’t agree with everything, I can usually navigate things to still honor loved ones and not sell them out. I don’t think this quality is really limited to just intimate relationships. I don’t bring my people down and while I won’t start shit with others, I’ll make them wish they didn’t if they fuck with my people.
2 I tend to make people feel safer and comforted and have a sense of security
3. I’m very attuned to lover. 
4. I am down to earth

Cons in a nutshell:
-My temper
-I can be callous
-I can over explain things
-I can get tunnel vision


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

1. I'm a problem solver. I'm like a human Swiss Army Knife. I nearly always seem to find a way to fix things (or at least keep them from getting any worse).

2. I'm good in a crisis. I really shine when there's chaos afoot (everyday "normalcy" not so much).

3. My mind works like the WWW, I have images and links that aid me in recalling facts and information quickly, and I'm also very good at getting search engines to spit out useful information.

4. I can't decide if I'm lucky, or just that good (or both) but I have a tendency to walk through shit and come out smelling like roses. 

5. I'm usually a lot of fun to be around. I believe in the motto: "Work hard, play hard." I can be responsible when I need to be, but I do love to play, think, write, read, watch shows, philosophize, view art, etc. 

6. I find women far more fascinating than men (I don't know if this matters or not, but that's just how it is). 

7. I'm extremely well-rounded. I've dabbled in a lot of different things. I'm the proverbial "Jack of all trades, master of none" sort of person. 

8. If you intrigue me, I'll go to great lengths to engage you in conversation/discussion/debate. 

9. If you earn my friendship/loyalty/love, I'll have your back, and I'd be willing to die for you. 

10. I normally do not judge others too harshly. I try to take people one at a time. 

11. I do not suffer ignorance lightly. As far as I'm concerned, willful ignorance is a crime against humanity. 

12. I cannot abide a bully. People who use fear to intimidate/manipulate/steal from people, deserve a taste of their own medicine (maybe more). 

13. I strive to leave things better than the way I found them whenever possible. 

14. I believe in "win-win" scenarios and I will always seek to find them wherever possible (however, I'm a realist, it isn't always possible. Sometimes life is just a shit sandwich and we all have to take a bite). 

15. Despite all the above, I can also be a die-hard romantic. I've been known to write poetry and recite it in public.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Sensational said:


> 1. I bring loyalty on a fundamental level if I’m in a relationship. I.e. Really mindful of a s/o with regard to not undermining them in public/social settings. Them knowing even if I disagreed with them over a subject I support them as people. I just have a really strong code of ethics on not selling out my loved ones, and standing by their side. As I said even if I don’t agree with everything, I can usually navigate things to still honor loved ones and not sell them out. I don’t think this quality is really limited to just intimate relationships. I don’t bring my people down and while I won’t start shit with others, I’ll make them wish they didn’t if they fuck with my people.
> 
> 2 I tend to make people feel safer and comforted and have a sense of security, I’ve been told. Even my daughters have both said my presence in it’s entirety makes them feel safer than for example their dads (who are larger than me). It’s probably a few factors. One I think they mean physically in the environment, like probably just the way I can reassuringly being able to even give a firm comforting bear hug 🤣. But I think people also tend to feel more emotionally or mentally secure around me because I don’t have extreme and radicalized opinions at large that makes me extremely dismissive and I accept individuals case by case. I have a way of usually not only just seeing the best in people but also acknowledging it to them. And I usually can acknowledge the worst but some how make lemonade outta lemons. I think most people not just partners have appreciated this quality. So I just think people in general not just romantic lovers feel secure and safer around me. Because they don’t feel like they have to second guess themselves. And my physical embrace is one that just provides safety and comfort. And because of #1 with loyalty, they know I won’t sell them out, and I’ll fuck up people who play like that.
> 
> ...


You always struck me as someone I could easily be a partner in crime with. I've read where ENTP/ESTPs are great at finding trouble together.


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

This is almost too much on the nose, but with my monster Ne, I bring a sense of possibility. I can bring the vision of a future to a partner, an understanding (not just belief) of what they can be and do, and be supportive in that regard. People have a tendency to get trapped in walls of their own perception, this can be very helpful.

I am a good conversationalist, I listen, and I understand and empathize and engage on their interests. I have a large bandwidth, I am not afraid of the darkness that lies underneath, nor the quriks and flaws, I accept. And also give advice purely with their interests in mind. I'm pretty good switching between what I want and what they want. I don't keep what I want to myself, but I do keep it separate from talking about goals from their point of view.

I bring in new, ideas, facts, points of view. I churn in the fresh, keep it all from getting stale.

Also, I fix things, build things, problem solve, and I'm not demanding to share a physical space with. You can basically give me a small space to make my own, and I'm good. Of course I might build some additions and upgrades to that space, and it'll all probably be pretty messy.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Apparently, everything for the right person and nothing or very little, for incompatibles. This belief is premised on input from relationship exs.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> Why do people like diamonds? Because they are rare, so they are valuable.


Some people value things simply because other people value them. Diamonds are a status symbol.



> So when you are valued, what is more important to you? Being valued for X or being valued for something specific.


Not sure what 'X' represents. I don't much think about this because it's up to other people to decide whether and why they value me. As long as I'm not valued because of something that is untrue (which would mean the relationship has a false foundation) or because of one of the few things about myself I'd rather change or not have, I don't see what there is for me to have an opinion on.



> For example, if you had been told a lot of your life by relatives that you are a funny person. Would it bother you if your partner or a person you are interested in may not value you for your humour but values you for other things, ie being a good listener?


Noting that this is just an example, I'd like to comment on its premise: My relatives' opinion of my humor would have almost zero effect on my sense of self, so their opinion would have no effect on how I viewed other people valuing me.



> Or would you be offended that you were not valued for the things that you believe you should be valued for, but for other things instead?


I'm bothered that people in general don't value certain traits (like honesty and authenticity) in general, but I wouldn't be particularly offended that one particular person didn't value those traits in me.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

I’m an awesome cook, so dinner


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

tanstaafl28 said:


> You always struck me as someone I could easily be a partner in crime with. I've read where ENTP/ESTPs are great at finding trouble together.


Well that’s a really nice compliment (thank you). ☺ 

My INFP daughter actually said she thinks I belong with either of these… She said NTPs or STPs. Or she said ENFPs that are more middle road, with thick skin.

I actually like Ne quite a lot. Not even going to pretend to understand it half the time. But I enjoy a lot of aspects of Ne.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Sensational said:


> Well that’s a really nice compliment (thank you). ☺
> 
> My INFP daughter actually said she thinks I belong with either of these… She said NTPs or STPs. Or she said ENFPs that are more middle road, with thick skin.
> 
> I actually like Ne quite a lot. Not even going to pretend to understand it half the time. But I enjoy a lot of aspects of Ne.



Yes, we jump around a lot, however, there's merit to a more linear approach. What I enjoy most about ESTPs is you never have to guess where you stand with them. They're not shy about letting you know. That and when we collaborate, we don't miss much between us. I've been on many an adventure with ESTPs they are fun people to be around.


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## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

Mentorship. Partnership. I’d have eyes only for them so long as I feel something for them. I love rarely, but deeply.


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## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

Miharu said:


> Mentorship. Partnership. I’d have eyes only for them so long as I feel something for them. I love rarely, but deeply.


On second thought, nothing. Take it or leave it lol.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Queen of Cups said:


> I’m an awesome cook, so dinner


Dinner goes pretty well on a table, just saying


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

I'm incredibly skilled at reframing and viewing things in a positive light that really aren't. I'd 100% be the person like "They're not materialistic and don't care about meaningless things! That's so cool" about someone who is like homeless, doesn't have a job, and also doesn't believe in showers. 

I also bring my awesome gallows humour that I hide my trauma behind. I will make you laugh at a funeral. I cannot help myself. You will feel bad for doing so, but that comment/joke will be a slapper. I'll also make you laugh in every other nonapppropriate context because hiding pain with humour is literally my coping mechanism and I've become very inappropriately funny from a life time of improving this skill.... To a point that a psychiatrist has covered their face, tried not to laugh, told me they "didn't want to laugh at that, so why did I have to phrase it that way?" And then told me that I should become a stand-up comedian.

I always expect the worst and so am usually going through life a pleasantly surprised Disney Princess. It's never going to be as bad as the hellscape I can imagine. 

I sing self made jingles about everything I do that are far too catchy and you will eventually sing one and be like "wtf is this?" 

I love board games. I have so many. Board games. 

also I'm very creative, inventive, and will use allllllll of that when shit gets real to avoid it. Like we will be in go karts, throwing bananas at each other, and you'll wonder how the fuck we got there. 

I'm also pretty sure Stockholm syndrome would work on me. (That's a pro or con depending).

I grew up in a family that knows how to argue. If you like losing arguments I am a winner. (Unless you are just emotionally manipulate and try to say anyone annoyed/upset/calling out your crap is emotional and non logical or treaten shit. That doesn't work because I'll consider that maybe you're right and I am just not logical and will get a second, third and such opinion from others who are more logical than either of us. They'll call out your shit for what it is and I'll peace out. If you threaten to humiliate me in some way I'll just do it first so you can't? Lol.) 

I make memes

I will watch 7+ hours of the lord of the rings to chant for Grond. (Pro or con, depending)

I'm easily amused and easily distracted. 

Con: I am married and very in love with my partner and wouldn't cheat or leave him, but on the other hand, there's always that stolkholm syndrome option.


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

daleks_exterminate said:


> I will watch 7+ hours of the lord of the rings to chant for Grond. (Pro or con, depending)


Depending on what? I cannot think of any situation where this would be a con.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Pifanjr said:


> Depending on what? I cannot think of any situation where this would be a con.


You're sleep deprived. I cannot sleep. You have to be awake in 3 hours. That's when you're awoken by the chant "grond...grond...grond!" Etc


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> Why do people like diamonds? Because they are rare, so they are valuable.


I can't stress how much I do not like diamonds....due to slave labour and death. Diamonds are very rarely free of cruelty and when they are, it's hard to be entirely sure. I had a sapphire and diamond wedding ring that I inherited from my grandmother. It was lovely. Unfortunately, I lost it and was not about to get another diamond due to the ethical issues. So....









I became a Viking and went all in on a hand forged iron ring with Odin's ravens bought from the blacksmith who made/designed it at the cost he chose for his work. 


Gemstones more rare than diamonds:
Tanzanite
Burma Ruby
Jadeite
Alexandrite
Paraíba Tourmaline
Ammolite
Kashmir Sapphire
Natural pearl
Red Beryl
Benitoite

Not that I'm suggesting all of these are without slavery or ethical concerns, either. 


*if you wanna be technical, you can find diamonds outside of our solar system, but wood seems to only happen on earth so it's more rare than diamonds. Brb making a wood ring market.*


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

daleks_exterminate said:


> I can't stress how much I do not like diamonds....due to slave labour and death. Diamonds are very rarely free of cruelty and when they are, it's hard to be entirely sure. I had a sapphire and diamond wedding ring that I inherited from my grandmother. It was lovely. Unfortunately, I lost it and was not about to get another diamond due to the ethical issues. So....
> View attachment 892124
> 
> 
> ...


I’d totally buy a wood ring.

My favorite ring was one I made in middle school from a broken ring that I got out of a gumball machine and a scrabble tile with my initial. 
Then my sister stole it and lost it. 😡


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

daleks_exterminate said:


> I became a Viking and went all in on a hand forged iron ring with Odin's ravens bought from the blacksmith who made/designed it at the cost he chose for his work.


Do you believe you will go to Valhalla when you die?

Did you know that Vikings did not actually refer to themselves as Vikings?

Can you make a boat?

When you die, are you going to be put on a boat and set on fire?

If you come across a sick child, will you chuck it in the sea?

Do you dye your hair blonde?

Thank you in advance for answering these questions so I can make some unnecessary judgement calls on how authentic a Viking you are.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> When you die, are you going to be put on a boat and set on fire?


That’s actually illegal in most US states. 
Don’t know about other countries.


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

Queen of Cups said:


> That’s actually illegal in most US states.
> Don’t know about other countries.


I've not looked into the laws of it in the UK, so I am not 100% able to answer in regards to over the pond. 

Although, I guess it depends how good your Lawyer is at the end of the day. 

Also, I think a lot of the things that were pretty common to the Danes and Norsemen, will be illegal in this day and age. Throwing sick children into the sea or abandoning them in forests. Sacrificing people and some of the forms of punishment. Cutting someone open, tying their intestines to a tree and making them run round the tree in circles probably won't convince a Jury that you are "Not Guilty". Luckily for the Danes and the Norsemen, Jurys and Lawyers had yet to be invented.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> Do you believe you will go to Valhalla when you die?


If by Valhalla, you mean cease to exist and feed more trees for my new tree ring Monopoly then yes. 



> Did you know that Vikings did not actually refer to themselves as Vikings?


Yeah, it would be a bit odd to call themselves pirates. Did you know there are published English history accounts of Vikings stealing women by grooming themselves more frequently and dressing better than Brits? Because I find that hilarious. 



> Can you make a boat?


I can work wonders with leather, but that seems like a poor medium for a boat. I've made a functional raft in my youth.... I could be the worst viking. 



> So when you die, are you going to be put on a boat and set on fire?


that seems like a waste of a good boat. Idk. Maybe taxidermied and used as a coat rack, but first I need to get disgustingly rich so I can make sure whoever inherits everything has me on display or risks losing everything lol. 



> If you come across a sick child, will you chuck it in the sea?


I kind of need more information on this one. That may sound bad, but it's really not enough to go on. Are we in a post apocalyptic waste land and the child is already frozen and there's no way to save them? Do they have antrax or just like a moderate cold? What medicine do we have available? Etc... If the sea is more merciful than otherwise perhaps, unless I had a better idea.... I read the journal of the person who first tied veins together to stop bleeding because he couldn't stomach doing another hot iron on an amputation. He stayed up all night crying and feeling horrible because he was sure he killed that person, but it turns out he didn't and the person survived and had less pain. 



> Do you dye your hair blonde?


I used to, because people assume my natural hair colour is dyed as it looks ridiculous (it's very dark brown/light black) and I am ghostly white and cannot tan but freckle. People thought red was natural. My brother in law asked me why I dye my hair black and was shocked to find out I'm just a natural goth. I don't dye it anymore after it was damaged. I'll just be Morticia Adams, it's fine. 



> Thank you in advance for answering these questions so I can make some unnecessary judgement calls on how authentic a Viking you are.


Cool, what did I score? Do you need any more answers to determine? 🤣


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> I've not looked into the laws of it in the UK, so I am not 100% able to answer in regards to over the pond.
> 
> Although, I guess it depends how good your Lawyer is at the end of the day.
> 
> Also, I think a lot of the things that were pretty common to the Danes and Norsemen, will be illegal in this day and age. Throwing sick children into the sea or abandoning them in forests. Sacrificing people and some of the forms of punishment. Cutting someone open, tying their intestines to a tree and making them run round the tree in circles probably won't convince a Jury that you are "Not Guilty". Luckily for the Danes and the Norsemen, Jurys and Lawyers had yet to be invented.


To be fair to them though, they at least 100% believed all of those people would be coming back, so death wasn't permanent. That does kind of make it less bad in a way? I mean, not actually because it's not true, but according to their world view. Same with Celts not having a problem killing each other in battle. If they return than it's more of a minor inconvenience. (I mean they don't so yeah sucks, but they didn't know that.)


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

daleks_exterminate said:


> Yeah, it would be a bit odd to call themselves pirates. Did you know there are published English history accounts of Vikings stealing women by grooming themselves more frequently and dressing better than Brits? Because I find that hilarious.


I didn't know that one. But as the majority of Brits were probably Peasants, its not hard to imagine.



> I can work wonders with leather, but that seems like a poor medium for a boat. I've made a functional raft in my youth.... I could be the worst viking.


Building rafts as a kid was cool. 



> that seems like a waste of a good boat. Idk. Maybe taxidermied and used as a coat rack, but first I need to get disgustingly rich so I can make sure whoever inherits everything has me on display or risks losing everything lol.


That sounds quite disturbing.



> I kind of need more information on this one. That may sound bad, but it's really not enough to go on. Are we in a post apocalyptic waste land and the child is already frozen and there's no way to save them? Do they have antrax or just like a moderate cold? What medicine do we have available? Etc... If the sea is more merciful than otherwise perhaps, unless I had a better idea.... I read the journal of the person who first tied veins together to stop bleeding because he couldn't stomach doing another hot iron on an amputation. He stayed up all night crying and feeling horrible because he was sure he killed that person, but it turns out he didn't and the person survived and had less pain.


Vikings would throw sick children into the sea or leave them in the forest.



> I used to, because people assume my natural hair colour is dyed as it looks ridiculous (it's very dark brown/light black) and I am ghostly white and cannot tan but freckle. People thought red was natural. My brother in law asked me why I dye my hair black and was shocked to find out I'm just a natural goth. I don't dye it anymore after it was damaged. I'll just be Morticia Adams, it's fine.


Very Viking of you.



> Cool, what did I score? Do you need any more answers to determine? 🤣


I am still unable to determine. I do actually have a friend who is into Viking re-enactment, He is quite good with a sword and shield. Also good with a two handed axe. In his spare time he makes wooden shields, which he is also very good at.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> I didn't know that one. But as the majority of Brits were probably Peasants, its not hard to imagine.


It was more of a puritanical vs decadence issue:



















> That sounds quite disturbing


I think you mean hilarious.



> I am still unable to determine. I do actually have a friend who is into Viking re-enactment, He is quite good with a sword and shield. Also good with a two handed axe. In his spare time he makes wooden shields, which he is also very good at.


That's pretty cool. I have made Viking boots but that's about it. I mean.... I am literally Odin: https://www.personalitycafe.com/thr...der-am-i-actually-odin.1361776/#post-44258598 so there's that, but other than that, I'm not actually a Viking.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

daleks_exterminate said:


> I can't stress how much I do not like diamonds...


Second. My daughter is mystified that I don't want diamond jewelry. 

My husband made my first engagement ring out of foil twistie ties right after I told him I was pregnant after 3 months of dating. He should've run screaming from the house, but instead he went in the kitchen, made the ring, came back and proposed. 

And I had the nerve to say I just assumed he would marry me and it didn't cheer me up. I was depressed (surprise). I don't know what century i thought I was living in. 

But, yeah. No diamonds. Nobody buy me any diamonds, okay.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> Why do people like diamonds? Because they are rare, so they are valuable.
> 
> In relationships, I would like to think that people believe they bring some sort of value as well as receive value from the other person.
> 
> ...


Why do people like diamonds? Because it's a marketting trick, they are not rare. I guess this says a lot.

*What do I bring to the table?*
1. Empathy - I just want people to feel good. I don't want to make them feel bad or them to feel bad in general.
2- Entertainment - I can make an entertaining atmosphere when approaching people.

*What I don't bring to the table?*
When talking, I'm too rațional, that's my issue, and I can't automatically relate to them because I can't automatically project, I need to translate, to be a bit more emotional. Things that don't matter to me matter to them and I need to keep that in check. I should not think in my terms because I'm a rarity. I should think in their terms, in emotional terms.

*What skills I bring to the table?*

How to get into conversation, have good conversation. How to get the conversation started.
How to be a good storyteller that people want to listen too.
How to have a deep, interesting, fascinating conversation.

*What values I bring to the table?*
1. Good spirits: I like to get in good spirits with people. To have a good time.
2. Conversation: things in common, what things you have in common.
3. Thoughness yet Empathy: For a soldier the most important things are a civilian's life, seeking to protect.
4. And being attractive, all these 3 on top of being physically as in bodily atttractive.

*1.* I was at a party on 8th of Jannuary and talked about this with someone. Good spirits with people means always joking with each other, always willing to avoid conflict, etc. No reason to cause conflict and not to have good spirits together. It helps us get along better and avoid conflict. Even when the other person is angry don't answer with the same coin.

*2.* Talking about things that you have in common, that both of you can relate to, can be a great subject of conversation. You can talk about how is it like in university for example. How is it like for university. You can talk about a various movie series you're both watching. Or if you're into IT, you can talk together about IT. Or your love to travel or whatever. Find your similarities and talk about them, things that you have in common. How to find them? Ask questions, ask them questions about themselves. Where have they been, what have they done, what they like to do, what they do for a living, where was their last vacation, what they would do if they had all the money in the world, what they would do if they had all the time in the world, what would they do if they were 15 again, etc.

*3.* Because a solider should not seek to harm, a soldier should seek to protect. Only to harm others in other to avoid those who would have hurt others. Like that UN song about when the war has been won and our march home begins. A true soldier is a protector, a guardian. He cares about people and cares about the human lives. He does not want to see any harm done, but sometimes there's no other way. He seeks to protect. He lives to serve and protect. For a soldier a civilian's life should be very important. How people feel, that they are treated fairly and taken care of. It is noble not to fight out of hate but out of kindness and a desire to protect.

*4. *Attraction without physical attraction is hard. A fun personality can only get you so far. Being entertaining is only halfway done if you are ugly. They won't be attracted to you. They will be attracted to your personality, but not to your looks, so as a friend, that's what you'll end up with. Fun to he around but not boyfriend material.

They don't want you, they like to be around you, you make them laugh, you enjoy them, but they don't want you. There's nothing to draw them to you, to make them yearn out of you, a bodily attractive, a bodily drawn, to be drawn to someone for their looks. It's not everything, but it's an important part as well.

Looks are obiective, we all have preference but most people can tell a 10/10 that they are instantly attracted to whether male or female, or a 3/10 that nobody finds attractive and is friend zone material even if his personality is great, him being fun and entertaining and engaging, with a great spirit.

The good news is that looks are not set in stone, you start with a predefined genetics that's good or bad, but from then on its your job to work up to it. You can start with good genetics and lead them to ruin by not taking care of yourself. It doesn't matter your face is perfectly symmetrical if you're fat, smell, didn't shave, didn't take care of your teeths, it just looks that you didn't took care of yourself and aren't presentable in general. Also you don't have a look, a style, a personality of clothes.

*On the other hand, you can draw the short stick of genetics yet take care of yourself a lot in the end producing above average results*. There are various ways to take care of your face, to make you look younger not to mention taking care of the facial hair, but also when it comes to the rest of the body, the simples one is working out. Not only to get fit but to get ripped.

You can be ugly as heck if you're ripped you're still going to have a good advantage over those who are not ripped, the more you're able to put it out in evidence in a discrete way without bragging about it, the better, a ripped ab with 6 packs for a woman is like a pair of boobs for a man, it's just attractive, but it's not shunned by the society to show them, and will improve your score a lot. So start working on your looks, because it's going to help you out more than good spirits.

About no.3: I was also thinking about that feeling, sensitivity, kindness, empathy, when thinking about the soldier. The focus on feelings, how you make people feel, how people feel, not on logic and hard facts and rationality. Taking care of their needs, taking care that they feel good. Etc. There is something very noble and heroic and suave to that. Putting them first, not putting yourself first.

It's a sacrifice. It's a sacrifice that shows love, it's a sacrifice that shows care, it's a sacrifice that shows you're worth, it's a sacrifice that shows character, it's a sacrifice that shows a good person with strength who is able to break that character for a while but just for fun, as a joke and just for simulation, saying mean things once in a while, etc. But with the "this is not who I really am" thing in the back.

*My view about love is that:*

When you really like someone, you like them for their personality, you enjoy talking to them, because you can sleep with all of them.

You can have women you enjoy talking to a lot, and women who you can find quite boring, I mean their personality, it's the first one you really like, you want to be with them, you want to talk to them, you enjoy their presence, you enjoy their conversation, you enjoy their personality, this matters a lot, because in the end you can sleep with all of them.

When you like a woman, the first thing you like about her is her way of being.

You are out alone and want to talk to them rather than do gaming or go out with the boys, that is the difference. Eventually, you'll do both, but won't find it boring or a waste of time to talk to her. But actually enjoyable. Because you enjoy her personality, you enjoy her presence, not because she's a woman, but because you have a great time with each other and complement each other very well, you have good spirits, that is love.

Come to think of it, this "what you bring to the table" can be a lot wider than just in dating.

*There are 2 approaches with people:*

The polite approach.
The "bro" approach.

*People work in 2 ways:*

Professionalism -> He's serious and does his job, I like him.
Favors -> He has done it for me, I'll do it for him.

People want performance - so that you know how to do stuff.
And professionalism - so that you are on time, serious.

*Do your duty*. 

Anyway, that's another off-topic subject. Back to dating I guess you can add romance to the list:

Making a letter telling her how great, amazing she is. Writing something so great, about her sensitivity, about her delicateness, about her great spirit, about her, something that would impress her. About her joyfullness, about her smile. While sarcastically saying that you feel like a convict writing why they love the police.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Since my previous post on this thread, I've been thinking a lot about life, and this topic. I always thought I brought much to the table, but as I look back, I see that most men didn't see it that way. Some of the (rare) positive comments I've heard from men in 50 years of dating and relationships:

"Beautiful." Okay, but I guess it wasn't enough.

"Good in bed." Ditto. Also, now that I'm old, I'm not.

"A good worker." Thank you.

"Honest and honorable." Thank you.

"Smarter than [him]." Nice that he noticed, but in most relationships it was a minus, and/or they thought (pretended?) I was stupid.

"Lots of fun." Said by a stranger I danced with in a bar and never saw again.

"You don't say things you don't mean, do you?" To which I replied, "Of course not, why would I?" I find it very sad that it took him 2 years to figure this out. Did he only know dishonest/manipulative people before?

As you can see, the compliments have been very few and far between. I think I was fooling myself when I thought I had something to offer.

I've come to the conclusion that -- possibly aside from looks -- men don't want a woman to be better than average in any way. (For example, if you're kind to other people, or good in bed, they might become jealous. If you're honest or creative, they'll just say you're weird.) *Most* men want someone with absolutely normal behaviors, morals, mode of dress, etc. But that's a discussion for another day.


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## IxFx (Jan 1, 2022)

[Redacted]


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)




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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

> What you bring to the table?


The gravy. 😌


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

SgtPepper said:


> The gravy. 😌


The stuffing and also some gravy and a gravy saucer in case you forgot to bring yours. 🙂


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

To answer the OP though, quite a lot actually. I'm just not going to really say much about it though.


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## Crowbo (Jul 9, 2017)

Queen of Cups said:


> View attachment 910550


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## Crowbo (Jul 9, 2017)

Nothing. 

Absolutely nothing.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

I'm not even really sure what I bring to the table. Silverware? Plates? Napkins? Maybe some pasta?

More seriously, hmm...not sure. A few things come to mind...

A willingness to put effort into the relationship and do my best to make it work. If either of us 'wins' an argument or a fight, the relationship loses. Win-win outcomes are the best.

Kindness. I've heard it goes a long way, but my experience has been mixed.

Non-judgemental acceptance. I don't tend to judge others harshly, though I can be hard on myself at times.

Authenticity/honesty/integrity (INFP here, yo.) See _kindness_ above...again, mixed results.

Not letting my pride get in the way (well, most of the time anyway.)

I can actually cook! Well, a couple of things anyway...LOL.


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## fading_shadows (2 mo ago)

Fear and loathing.


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

Slowness, Mediocrity, Boredom and Regret.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

*wrong thread, sorry. nothing to see here folks, move along*


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## JennyJukes (Jun 29, 2012)

Probably that I built my life by myself. Everything I own I've bought by myself through hard work. I started with absolutely zero and worked myself up. I'm not hanging around waiting for a partner to do it with.

I'm responsible and I make smart decisions. You dont need to worry about me spending all our money on holidays, booze, gambling. Ok so I'm not spontaneous and exciting but if you like stability and strength I'm your woman.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

As long as someone else washes the dishes…


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Well if we're eating at my place, I like to just puke all over the dinner table.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

I bring a lot of board games.


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## Necrofantasia (Feb 26, 2014)

recycled_lube_oil said:


> Why do people like diamonds? Because they are rare, so they are valuable.


...
. . .
Imma just leave this here.

...

┬─┬ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)

(┛ಠDಠ)┛彡┻━┻


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

Necrofantasia said:


> ...
> . . .
> Imma just leave this here.
> 
> ...


So what your saying is we need to sell ourselves in a way people want to buy, regardless of what we bring to the table.

I actually agree.

How else do we make ourselves attractive, other than marketting ourselves.

Look back to the nineties, what value did a blonde bring to the table that a redhead didn't (more of a redhead person myself, but blondes were a thing).


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