# How can I find out what's wrong with me?



## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

I'm... 18. I never had a gf... never kissed a girl.

I know I had personality problems and whatnot... and I know people mature in different times, etc.

I only had one real close friend. I suck at making friends.

How can I find out what's wrong with me?

It is definitely something on the Psychological stance.


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## Nevontzway (Mar 9, 2012)

Stop thinking about it and do something about it


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## JamieBond (Dec 13, 2011)

What makes you think something is wrong with you? My best friend has never had a girlfriend and nothing's wrong with him. It's jsut a choice.

If it bothers you, then start branching out. There's plenty of self-help books on making friends. Join an online dating site. Just have fun! You're 18!! The whole world and your entire life is in front of you! Go get it!!


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

JamieBond said:


> What makes you think something is wrong with you? My best friend has never had a girlfriend and nothing's wrong with him. It's jsut a choice.
> 
> If it bothers you, then start branching out. There's plenty of self-help books on making friends. Join an online dating site. Just have fun! You're 18!! The whole world and your entire life is in front of you! Go get it!!


Well, I was told friendships come naturally. How is a book going to help? Sounds like a slight contradiction to me. And it's not a "choice" that I never had a girlfriend... I just never got a girl to like me.

@Nevontzway That's what I wanna do but... how can I do something about *it* if I don't even know what "it" is? As in what's wrong with me!


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## JamieBond (Dec 13, 2011)

goguapsy said:


> *Well, I was told friendships come naturally.* How is a book going to help? Sounds like a slight contradiction to me. And it's not a "choice" that I never had a girlfriend... I just never got a girl to like me.


Lies^^^^

It's taken me 17 years to make 2 good friends. And I still don't even consider them close, close friends.
Time+compatability+interest=friendship. Works well for relationships too.

Agree with the banned poster... join clubs, go to events, DO SOMETHING. What are your interests?


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

JamieBond said:


> Lies^^^^
> 
> It's taken me 17 years to make 2 good friends. And I still don't even consider them close, close friends.
> Time+compatability+interest=friendship. Works well for relationships too.
> ...


Well, I AM a member of two sports practice teams (one I think I'll be competing, the other one I just go to the trainings). There isn't much else to do I think... in my college, at least.

I think I'll be joining an NGO in the next couple of weeks. But hmm... the interesting thing is - the people I would actually like to be friends are actually very, VERY different from me. See, I'm very innocent when it comes to girls... they are not, if you know what I mean. And make it very, very clear hahaha! But for SOME reason, they seem more interesting than the other people who, I suppose, are more like me.

Kind of a paradox, right?


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## JamieBond (Dec 13, 2011)

goguapsy said:


> Well, I AM a member of two sports practice teams (one I think I'll be competing, the other one I just go to the trainings). There isn't much else to do I think... in my college, at least.
> 
> I think I'll be joining an NGO in the next couple of weeks. But hmm... the interesting thing is - the people I would actually like to be friends are actually very, VERY different from me. See, I'm very innocent when it comes to girls... they are not, if you know what I mean. And make it very, very clear hahaha! But for SOME reason, they seem more interesting than the other people who, I suppose, are more like me.
> 
> Kind of a paradox, right?


there are girls who are innocent. they are hard to find, but they exist. as for finding a significant other... ok, if you can be friends with a girl, there's major bonus points in that. and those girls that are like major sex-bombs in college aren't ones you want to hang out with anyway.

try making friends with people on your sports teams. you guys already share a common interest. invite them to go do something. 

and if all else fails... well... I'll be your friend!


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

JamieBond said:


> there are girls who are innocent. they are hard to find, but they exist. as for finding a significant other... ok, if you can be friends with a girl, there's major bonus points in that.


Well... I can talk to them alright hahaha! Yeah, I know how to be friends with girls... I think.




> try making friends with people on your sports teams. you guys already share a common interest. invite them to go do something.


Oh, the most awesome guy I've met so far is from a sports team. But I mean... there are great conversations but many times I feel left out because the other people at the table know what they are talking about. Sex, music, old TV-shows. Parties. Nightclubs. I just don't know about this stuff. :/ But they are still a great bunch of fellas... see the paradox?



> and if all else fails... well... I'll be your friend!


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## JamieBond (Dec 13, 2011)

goguapsy said:


> Well... I can talk to them alright hahaha! Yeah, I know how to be friends with girls... I think.
> Oh, the most awesome guy I've met so far is from a sports team. But I mean... there are great conversations but many times I feel left out because the other people at the table know what they are talking about. Sex, music, old TV-shows. Parties. Nightclubs. I just don't know about this stuff. :/ But they are still a great bunch of fellas... see the paradox?


ok, so you're not gonna be the uber sexy innuendo guy that decent girls think are jerks. good for you! find people you can talk about stuff you do know about with.

example: I'm a Christian teenage girl. I don't like hanging out with girls who constantly talk about makeup, crushes, fashion, etc. so for a long time, I didn't have any friends that were girls. It annoyed me to no end, but that was how it was. It wasn't until I found a group of Christian kids that get together every week that I found some girls I could get along with.

from the girl perspective, I would really appreciate a guy who didn't have sex as the first thing on his mind. it would be nice.


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

JamieBond said:


> ok, so you're not gonna be the uber sexy innuendo guy that decent girls think are jerks. good for you! find people you can talk about stuff you do know about with.
> 
> example: I'm a Christian teenage girl. I don't like hanging out with girls who constantly talk about makeup, crushes, fashion, etc. so for a long time, I didn't have any friends that were girls. It annoyed me to no end, but that was how it was. It wasn't until I found a group of Christian kids that get together every week that I found some girls I could get along with.
> 
> from the girl perspective, I would really appreciate a guy who didn't have sex as the first thing on his mind. it would be nice.


Yep. Well... unfortunately, I grew up with a lot - I mean a LOT - of stereotypes. One of them is that people who were "openly" Christians, as in, talked about God and Jesus all the time, were actually not the most fun people to hang out with... don't get me wrong, I'm a Roman Catholic, so I won't know anything to talk about with some people in some situations... guess I'll just have to handle it...

I don't know. There are some girls in my class that seem nice. But for some reason... I don't know... I don't feel I want to build friendships with them for some reason... they don't seem very "fun"... As in, coming from my "lame" High School experience, I don't think I want to be around people who don't seem very different from what I've experienced in H.S.

In a way... I THINK I might be scared of rejection. Because I don't know anything about drinks, for example - there is nothing "immoral" about knowing about drinks, so I don't have an "excuse" of why I don't know about them (whilst I have a good one for not knowing about sex). I... I mean... the people I talk to... they tell stories about their girlfriends... about the girls they picked-up... things that are not "immoral", but I simply don't know because I never, ever had any experience. I'm just VERY late in this subject, and I suppose I'm afraid I'll be rejected by the people I want to be friends with.

I know what you're gonna say - I shouldn't be afraid of rejection and that, if I am indeed rejected, it's because they weren't worthy friends... well, I agree. But they seem like great people to... have lunch with sometimes, for example... I don't know.

Guess I'll just... wait and see?


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## JamieBond (Dec 13, 2011)

goguapsy said:


> Yep. Well... unfortunately, I grew up with a lot - I mean a LOT - of stereotypes. One of them is that people who were "openly" Christians, as in, talked about God and Jesus all the time, were actually not the most fun people to hang out with... don't get me wrong, I'm a Roman Catholic, so I won't know anything to talk about with some people in some situations... guess I'll just have to handle it...
> 
> I don't know. There are some girls in my class that seem nice. But for some reason... I don't know... I don't feel I want to build friendships with them for some reason... they don't seem very "fun"... As in, coming from my "lame" High School experience, I don't think I want to be around people who don't seem very different from what I've experienced in H.S.
> 
> ...


the fear of rejection is very real, isn't it? I know it is. 

I had to laugh at your drinking comment though I tell my friends that everything I know about drinking is from country music. its just not something I've taken the time to look into.

the most important thing here is "different strokes for different folks". you're not going to get along with everybody famously. 

and ehck. find a fun girl, for goodness sakes. otherwise you'll bore yourself to death. but yeah, wait and see. I've always thought that the high school/college atmosphere is very artificial. I mean, in what other situation are you going to be around groups made only of your peers? "real life" might be what you need. you never know.

I hope I could help, if only a little bit. If not, sorry for my verbage


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

JamieBond said:


> I hope I could help, if only a little bit. If not, sorry for my verbage


You did, thank you.

I'll internalize everything, and let you know if I reach any conclusions.


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## eterea (Dec 7, 2010)

I recommend you see a therapist. Psychotherapy has and continues to help me. Take care.


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## geekofalltrades (Feb 8, 2012)

OP, it sounds like you're an introvert. Accept that you're an introvert and stop trying to convince yourself that something is wrong with you, and you'll be much, much happier.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

Probably lack of confidence. That was my problem when I was 19 and never had a girlfriend or been kissed.


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

geekofalltrades said:


> OP, it sounds like you're an introvert. Accept that you're an introvert and stop trying to convince yourself that something is wrong with you, and you'll be much, much happier.


I really, REALLY considered being an Introvert.

But I definitely am not. I feel bad with _lack_ of interactions, for starters. And I need "a lot" of interaction (I say "a lot" because it's relative... but it feels like a lot, I mean, if I don't have at least 2 very good conversations in a day, I feel almost deppressed).


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