# The "Are you okay?" question



## InevitablyKriss (Dec 23, 2010)

Hi! I was wondering...

Well, it's common for us INTP's that we'll find ourselves in deep thought, and then somebody around us asks, "Are you okay?" To which we usually respond, "Oh, yeah, just thinking."

But, to ask "are you okay" must mean that when one is not thinking but they make that expression and they get all quiet, there's something going on with them.

So my question to you is, what's going on with you when you get caught like that? Are you thinking, too? Thinking about emotions? Or are you just feeling the emotion for whatever it's worth? What's going on with you when you go quiet? Are you thinking about something that happened and instead of analyzing it, you're thinking of how you can improve your or somebody else's life? What's going on in your heads, F's?


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## Cephalonimbus (Dec 6, 2010)

I'm often caught up in my thoughts... i mean, look at my username. People don't ask me "are you okay?" though. They usually tell me to stop looking so angry, i guess i frown when i'm thinking :tongue:

I think the difference between Fs and Ts is more in the way we think than in how much we think. Of course, it's impossible to experience anyone else's thoughts, so this is based on my observations on how people speak about their thoughts and of course the difference between functions like Fi and Ti.

When i'm in deep thought, i tend to think in a non-linear fashion, more in images than words. I'm constantly associating things and looking for patterns that might emerge, often playing "movies" of hypothetical situations in my head. It's pretty much chaos up there, although i can apply a more systematic and logical mode of thinking when i'm actively solving a problem. But when i'm "daydreaming"... no, it's very random and fragmented. I have found though, that these thoughts are like rough sketches and they need to be verbalized in some way before they take a more definitive form. When there isn't somebody else to talk to, i just talk to myself :blushed:


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

I get annoyed with that question. 

Most of the time someone asks that question, I am okay. I'm just deep in thought, concentrating on something intensely. I can be emotionally preoccupied and not 'okay' in the immediate moment but I know its just a temporary state that will pass.


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## prufrok (Nov 28, 2008)

Yeah, apparently I look depressed or angry or something when I'm deep in thought. I get that 'are you okay' question all the time.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Someone asked me that yesterday and I burst into tears. I guess she just had bad timing lol.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

Cephalonimbus said:


> I'm often caught up in my thoughts... i mean, look at my username. People don't ask me "are you okay?" though. They usually tell me to stop looking so angry, i guess i frown when i'm thinking :tongue:
> 
> I think the difference between Fs and Ts is more in the way we think than in how much we think. Of course, it's impossible to experience anyone else's thoughts, so this is based on my observations on how people speak about their thoughts and of course the difference between functions like Fi and Ti.
> 
> When i'm in deep thought, i tend to think in a non-linear fashion, more in images than words. I'm constantly associating things and looking for patterns that might emerge, often playing "movies" of hypothetical situations in my head. It's pretty much chaos up there, although i can apply a more systematic and logical mode of thinking when i'm actively solving a problem. But when i'm "daydreaming"... no, it's very random and fragmented. I have found though, that these thoughts are like rough sketches and they need to be verbalized in some way before they take a more definitive form. When there isn't somebody else to talk to, i just talk to myself :blushed:


 I also get told to be happy XD I apparently look angry or sad when thinking! I agree with the F/T distinction too, my thoughts are all over the place when I think and make random links that no one else seems to understand when I try and explain them, whereas Ts seem able to produce a logical route of thought.


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## goastfarmer (Oct 20, 2010)

I get similar reactions when I am deep in thought. If am I am not actively engaging in some sort of social occasion, my face tends to go blank, and when I am contemplating something a small look of distress flashes across my face. Or at the very least, people appear to believe there is a look of distress on my face since they call me out on it at times and ask me that very question. 

It irks me because I hate for people to be under the impression that I think or feel a certain way when it is far from the truth. Unless I am wallowing in angry thoughts, I generally feel content while contemplating the various aspects of life. I also hate it because I don't people to be all worked up and concerned about me when there is no need. Just let me be. I'll be fine since I am indeed fine.

But the thing is, I don't know I make the facial expressions I do. I guess since I am not actively engaging in a social occasion my face drops all social pleasantries and slips into a more relaxed look - one not concerned with the judgement of others. Though, I am still being judged by others, so I am not exactly sure how this works out in the end. I curse my stupid facial expressions. D:<


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Hahaha. I'm going to have to think about this one and come back. Having a bit of struggle on this.


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## Kittann (Apr 12, 2010)

_I'm always lost in my own thoughts.
And apparently my default expression must be 'anxious', because I always get airport staff randoms, etc, coming up to me and asking if I'm ok.
I feel like a kid when people do that  'Are you lost little girl?'​_


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## Bon (Jan 27, 2011)

INTPs are _lost in thoughts _. INFPs are not so inteligent, so they are _dreaming_.:blushed:

( JK )


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## cricket (Jan 10, 2011)

When I get that question, I immediately feel self-conscious. Why? Don't I seem okay? Do people think I'm not okay? And then I get paranoid or whatever. But usually when I have "that look" on my face it probably means I was dreaming of a different sort of scenario that never happened and is completely unrealistic, but has a correlation to whatever I am currently doing. Or I could be analyzing my emotions. Or I could be analyzing someone else's emotions at the same time, and try to make them connect in some way. Feel what others feel. Improve?.. eh, not really, more like try to understand what's happening in their world/head without actually having to ask. I love relating to people, especially in an unexpected way. I could also possibly be trying to figure out how something works or try to figure out how to explain it to myself.
Hmm.. I'd rather stay in my head. So when people ask me about it, I feel obligated to draw myself out. ESPECIALLY ENFxs because they are RELENTLESS. My ENFP friend in particular always catches me on this, but won't leave me alone until I try to explain to her what I was thinking/feeling. My INFJ friend usually just smiles at me bc she gets it. Or, she understands that she will never understand, but that she can relate in her Fi-ness.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

My mom is an ENFP, and she is always asking me how am i, and am I happy. Like, what do you want to do, just everyone break down in tears right here right now? I mean come on, lets work around it! Lol..


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## Xayna (Mar 7, 2011)

I tend to be asked that question when I'm thinking. Apparently, I look like I'm going to cry when I'm thinking intensely.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

haha nice.


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## Strappado (May 15, 2010)

I hate that question so very much. I'll just be sitting there thinking and someone will say "Are you okay?" and I will reply with "Oh, yeah, I'm just thinking". Mildly irritating but I can tolerate it. The problem is this is almost always followed by the person saying "Are you sure?" until I am incredibly annoyed, at which time they say "I knew you weren't okay!". It drives me mad.


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## juventas (Mar 8, 2011)

People catch me so off-guard when they ask that. "Are you okay?" really just kind of confuses the hell out of me- I just kind of jump a little and look surprised, because I am surprised, and go, "Yeah, yeah, why?" Because I guess I look a little discontent when I'm lost in 'thought' as well. Though my thoughts are extremely non-linear and I also think in images and... movies of sorts, little scenes really.

And then there's "What are you thinking?" I don't have an answer to feed back to whoever's asking because after I start to consider the question, I get really distracted by the fact that I can't _remember_ exactly what I was thinking, and so if I had been making a conflicted face before, I make an even more conscious conflicted face trying to recall what it was I'd been mulling over, and I'm just like, "... Um... I don't... know?" And they just kind of give me a weird look or we just sit in silence or they say, "Are you sure?" And I'm like, "... Yes...?" And I just blink a lot in confusion.

And then we return to our regularly scheduled programming.


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## AgAu (Jul 28, 2010)

The "Are you okay?" and the closely related "What are you thinking about?" are the toughest questions I ever have to face, and I get them constantly.

Let's address, *"Are you okay?"* first...

YES I'm OKAY! I'm always some on some greyscale of happy, sad, ecstatic, bored, elated, depressed, healthy, sick continuum and at any given moment I'll be slid around within those scales. To me, that's always OKAY. 

But what did the person really want to know with this question? My first task is to decode the intent of the asker and attempt to respond appropriately. But dang, I just got yanked out of deep thought buried in my Fi. Quick, switch to Ne! WTF look around, where am I? What are the non-verbals involved, did I see any of it or was I too much in AgLand to even catch any of that? Was it just smalltalk? Oh, "YEAH, I'm good, thanks..." But dang, when I get that wrong I get the dreaded follow up question and now I'm going to have to remember what the hell it was I really was thinking about and that was so layered and complex that it's completely gone now that I've gone into reading what it is this other person wanted. Difficult!

Conversely, giving the deep and detailed answer when all they really wanted was acknowledgement that I was not having a low grade seizure I get that look that I used to get all the time as a kid that says, "FREAK!" This must be avoided at all costs. I'm almost forced to go to the smalltalk response as standard so as not to get this look and associated tag.


*"What are you thinking about?"*

Ummmm.... Everything, nothing, something, I don't know! When I first met my ESTJ wife she'd ask me this all the time. I think from her perspective I looked like I was crunching some really big things in my head. And I am! But it's not a linear type thing that follows a describable pattern that an ST will find satisfaction out of my explanation. And hell, often times the whole process was bent around how I was going to get her into bed with me; Like I'm going to explain that in detail! Even when this question comes from other random sources, I'm going to have to really filter this response. My Fi doesn't give a shit about political correctness. The rest of me does. The filtered down analysis of what I'm thinking about is just plain vanilla. I'm generally not going to bore somebody and look disingenuous by doing it.

Somehow over time she asks me that a whole lot less now, I think I went to the standard response of "Nothing" or "Not much" often enough that she realized she'd need to ask a more nuanced question for me, which really has helped. 

I really just have to go to a stock, "Not much." when anyone asks me this. It's a boldfaced lie, but I don't know any practical and respectful way to answer that question in any other way when it comes completely out of the blue when I'm being introspective.


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## SuperNova85 (Feb 21, 2011)

Strappado said:


> I hate that question so very much. I'll just be sitting there thinking and someone will say "Are you okay?" and I will reply with "Oh, yeah, I'm just thinking". Mildly irritating but I can tolerate it. The problem is this is almost always followed by the person saying "Are you sure?" until I am incredibly annoyed, at which time they say "I knew you weren't okay!". It drives me mad.


Oh God yes!! And the worst part about that is they catch you in a moment in which you want to be alone the most. And then they ask you 15 times as if they WANT you to say no....I'm not OK :-/


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## unico (Feb 3, 2011)

Cephalonimbus said:


> I'm often caught up in my thoughts... i mean, look at my username. People don't ask me "are you okay?" though. They usually tell me to stop looking so angry, i guess i frown when i'm thinking :tongue:
> 
> I think the difference between Fs and Ts is more in the way we think than in how much we think. Of course, it's impossible to experience anyone else's thoughts, so this is based on my observations on how people speak about their thoughts and of course the difference between functions like Fi and Ti.
> 
> When i'm in deep thought, i tend to think in a non-linear fashion, more in images than words. I'm constantly associating things and looking for patterns that might emerge, often playing "movies" of hypothetical situations in my head. It's pretty much chaos up there, although i can apply a more systematic and logical mode of thinking when i'm actively solving a problem. But when i'm "daydreaming"... no, it's very random and fragmented. I have found though, that these thoughts are like rough sketches and they need to be verbalized in some way before they take a more definitive form. When there isn't somebody else to talk to, i just talk to myself :blushed:


This is very true for me too -- nonlinear thinking with images and patterns and imagining hypothetical situations. Sometimes my thoughts are more organized and sometimes my daydreams are very strange and hard to explain. What I value, though, is usually reflected in my thoughts and daydreams. Emotions and personal preferences of various kinds almost always play a role.


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## Mandi (Nov 28, 2010)

juventas said:


> People catch me so off-guard when they ask that. "Are you okay?" really just kind of confuses the hell out of me- I just kind of jump a little and look surprised, because I am surprised, and go, "Yeah, yeah, why?" Because I guess I look a little discontent when I'm lost in 'thought' as well. Though my thoughts are extremely non-linear and I also think in images and... movies of sorts, little scenes really.
> 
> And then there's "What are you thinking?" I don't have an answer to feed back to whoever's asking because after I start to consider the question, I get really distracted by the fact that I can't _remember_ exactly what I was thinking, and so if I had been making a conflicted face before, I make an even more conscious conflicted face trying to recall what it was I'd been mulling over, and I'm just like, "... Um... I don't... know?" And they just kind of give me a weird look or we just sit in silence or they say, "Are you sure?" And I'm like, "... Yes...?" And I just blink a lot in confusion.
> 
> And then we return to our regularly scheduled programming.



Hahaha, I had this the other day, I couldn't sleep and the guy I was with blushed asked me if I was alright and I was like "Huh? Yeah, why?" and he went "I can just hear you thinking."

Which I actually was quite happy about, I mean, usually I get "Smile!!" and it just makes me go... why? There's nothing currently going on that I should be smiling at, I'm not thinking of anything funny.... why should I be smiling. But instead of saying that I go :laughing:

But then he asked me what I was thinking, I my mind started tripping over itself like, "QUICK! What were we thinking!?" and I manage to rustle up a "Not much..." and then that response sounds dissapointing considering how much in thought I was, so I conjured up something and asked him a question. Aha.....


So yeah, I get that all the time. My mind just jumps to and from subjects, that when someone asks me what I was thinking about, although I was probably lost in thought, I was also probably not paying much attention to what I was thinking xD Or I could be thinking something really personal and then I have to conjure up something else so that I don't have to talk about it. :frustrating:

But, I have this one friend, who always says "SMILE!" to me and I'm just like "...........:laughing:................" back into my thoughts I go.


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