# Are you Good at Standing Up for Yourself?



## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

I would also be interested in knowing which type you are


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

I am (almost) never insulted so: I don't know.
Regarding this video: Probably I would think like INFJ + INTP at the same time and speak like ISTP and ISTJ at the same time.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

I am INFP but I also recognised my self in ENFP, ISFJ, ESFP, INTP, ISTP, ISFP, INFJ, ENTP, ENFJ somewhat in ISTJ
I did not recognice my self so much in INTJ, ENTJ,
I work on, and have worked quite a bit on responding more like ENTJ, ESTP and ESFP (not nesseserely the comeback)
in therapy.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

I don't know about others but the xNTJ is stereotyping like hell.
No xNTJ ever answer that way in real life. Maybe that's what they think but they won't say it. It's useless, anyway the one who asks wouldn't understand.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

impulsenine said:


> I don't know about others but the xNTJ is stereotyping like hell.
> No xNTJ ever answer that way in real life. Maybe that's what they think but they won't say it. It's useless, anyway the one who asks wouldn't understand.


Yes.. some responses have been somewhat dramatized for humorous purposes...whilst keeping in line with the cognitive functions.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

ENFP.

I'm way out of my comfort zone when it comes to those kinds of games. I'm used to a simple system. We respectfully and directly discuss our disagreements. Failing that, we go our separate ways. If we're too heated to keep it moving, we fight, shake hands, and then keep it moving. If it's a woman, I'm done with her.


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## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

I handle reasonable criticism well and without any discomfort.

If it is a heated confrontation, then I can get as argumentative as I want.
I love winning generally and no one was ever close to beating me. I don't let things come to this point though usually.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Allostasis said:


> I handle reasonable criticism well and without any discomfort.
> 
> If it is a heated confrontation, then I can get as argumentative as I want.
> I love winning generally and no one was ever close to beating me. I don't let things come to this point though usually.


I find that when the other person is clearly in the wrong...it's easier to defend myself with the raw truth.


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## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

@PersonaBelle, what is your type, if I may? Ti user or INFJ by chance?


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Allostasis said:


> @PersonaBelle, what is your type, if I may? Ti user or INFJ by chance?


I will be doing a video on my type on my channel, so I'm going to be sharing info on it in future.


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## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

PersonaBelle said:


> I will be doing a video on my type on my channel, so I'm going to be sharing info on it in future.


Thanks, although I already seen initial answer.


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## Llyralen (Sep 4, 2017)

I am just answering the title question. 

In personal relationships with Fi then yes... at work in Te settings then I’m not really good at standing up for myself, but I’m getting better at it.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Llyralen said:


> I am just answering the title question.
> 
> In personal relationships with Fi then yes... at work in Te settings then I’m not really good at standing up for myself, but I’m getting better at it.


Do you find TE to be a bit of challenging function to utilize, or not really related to what you are talking about


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Depends on whether or not there's a valid reason for doing so. When it's a lose-lose situation, why bother? But when pushed hard enough, Oh Yeah.


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## Llyralen (Sep 4, 2017)

PersonaBelle said:


> Do you find TE to be a bit of challenging function to utilize, or not really related to what you are talking about


I’m going to stand up for myself here and ask you how difficult you think it should be to utilize a third function? Aren’t there 2 other ways to think that will want to do things differently? Te isn’t the only option. 

Do I feel Te is a challenging function to utilize in general? At my age the option of Te usually becomes apparent. It plays 2nd fiddle to my Fi decision-making so it depends on if I feel using Te to be the right thing in the situation. I’m not a Te-dom so I’m going to use Ne first then Fi and maybe some Te. Sometimes Ne and Fi will decide “standing up for yourself” is not the answer that i want. Sometimes I just look at the perpetrator thinking “Why can’t you Ne-Fi figure out how to do the right thing?” Thats the first response... trying to figure this other person out and giving someone the space and faith to see if they can change and figure it out. If they can’t, Then these days I might let some Te fly and I almost always feel bad afterwards. And that’s the other thing that makes it so that standing up for myself verbally might not be my first option. I will be putting myself into the person’s shoes and if I hurt them then it will likely hurt me. All good reasons for me to take a step back, see if the perpetrator has some kind of self-awareness or point and then make my decision. I don’t need to prove anything. 

I don’t feel too different from my co-workers— my co-workers are an Fi bunch. We have an ESTJ boss and none of us can talk to her to stand up for ourselves OR each other in this case unfortunately. She’s not someone who listens and she bulldozes. We work things out in other ways among ourselves. I think besides MBTI there is also experience and experience with THAT person. If you know someone is going to beat the shiz out of you or if you know someone is capable of firing people who stand up to them or if you know a parent simply won’t listen and if you deal with that person or situation for years, then you might develop other coping strategies than simply thinking standing up for yourself is going to work. For people in situations like what I’m describing then moving to a different situation and learning that a different group will get behind you if you stand up for yourself can be a healing process. I think there are a lot of factors behind just the “ability” to stand up for yourself. I think there is a lot of finesse and reading the situation involved. Sometimes the smart thing is to play things out a different way. I think assessing whether standing up for yourself will actually help or not is something I can do that a Te dom probably cannot, but then they are going to keep swinging until they get what they want or are thrown out on their ear. Not exactly what I would do.


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## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

I don’t care for the style of these videos, I can’t watch more than 5 seconds of them. Have you gotten any other feedback on them? I debated saying this because it’s not very kind of me, but I think there’s value in giving & receiving criticism. Hopefully it’s just me that feels this way.

In regards to the question: No. I have a hard time shutting my mouth when it comes to other people I feel are being wronged though.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

I'm ENFP and yea I can stand up for myself in my experience so far. It depends on the situation, it's a very broad question really. There are times for example, that you are new in a place and other people may have a subtle communication between them that's kinda against you in some way - in such cases it becomes difficult because I have to be the one to make the subtle obvious and they can easily turn it into my problem not theirs. If it's open criticism or other type of behavior against me then it's much easier.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Llyralen said:


> I’m going to stand up for myself here and ask you how difficult you think it should be to utilize a third function? Aren’t there 2 other ways to think that will want to do things differently? Te isn’t the only option.
> 
> Do I feel Te is a challenging function to utilize in general? At my age the option of Te usually becomes apparent. It plays 2nd fiddle to my Fi decision-making so it depends on if I feel using Te to be the right thing in the situation. I’m not a Te-dom so I’m going to use Ne first then Fi and maybe some Te. Sometimes Ne and Fi will decide “standing up for yourself” is not the answer that i want. Sometimes I just look at the perpetrator thinking “Why can’t you Ne-Fi figure out how to do the right thing?” Thats the first response... trying to figure this other person out and giving someone the space and faith to see if they can change and figure it out. If they can’t, Then these days I might let some Te fly and I almost always feel bad afterwards. And that’s the other thing that makes it so that standing up for myself verbally might not be my first option. I will be putting myself into the person’s shoes and if I hurt them then it will likely hurt me. All good reasons for me to take a step back, see if the perpetrator has some kind of self-awareness or point and then make my decision. I don’t need to prove anything.
> 
> I don’t feel too different from my co-workers— my co-workers are an Fi bunch. We have an ESTJ boss and none of us can talk to her to stand up for ourselves OR each other in this case unfortunately. She’s not someone who listens and she bulldozes. We work things out in other ways among ourselves. I think besides MBTI there is also experience and experience with THAT person. If you know someone is going to beat the shiz out of you or if you know someone is capable of firing people who stand up to them or if you know a parent simply won’t listen and if you deal with that person or situation for years, then you might develop other coping strategies than simply thinking standing up for yourself is going to work. For people in situations like what I’m describing then moving to a different situation and learning that a different group will get behind you if you stand up for yourself can be a healing process. I think there are a lot of factors behind just the “ability” to stand up for yourself. I think there is a lot of finesse and reading the situation involved. Sometimes the smart thing is to play things out a different way. I think assessing whether standing up for yourself will actually help or not is something I can do that a Te dom probably cannot, but then they are going to keep swinging until they get what they want or are thrown out on their ear. Not exactly what I would do.


Thanks this is a detailed response...I will take some time to process this.


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## BudgetBluebird (Jun 28, 2019)

Not really, but I'm aware it's something I need to learn to do better. I've become better at it as time has gone by.

I think I usually give people chances (room for errors) in my head. I give them the benefit of the doubt until I recognize a pattern. When I notice the pattern, I still find it hard to set boundaries with confidence. In school, people would laugh in my face when I stood up for myself and continue to do it anyways. My solution when I was younger was just to steer clear of the kind of people who take, take, take and straight up ignore boundaries that you've laid out. But you can't just ignore people who are like this in a work setting. It needs to be addressed or dealt with because you can't control who you work with.

I have no problem standing up for my beliefs or even standing up for others, but standing up for myself is a completely different story.

When it comes to criticism, it's fine as long as it's constructive.


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## Mystic MagentaRose (May 7, 2014)

I am learning to get better at it. When I was with my abusive ex-boyfriend, I felt terrible at it. Now I am learning to stand up for myself and not allow people to mistreat me. Before I used to feel bad anytime I stood up for myself, but now I no longer feel like that anymore.


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## Zoingeroni (Dec 30, 2020)

INFP 9, it's very difficult. But i went through some things a couple years ago that led me to be more assertive! So it's a work in progress.

People i've known who were assertive:
♏ ESFP 684 SLUEI sx/so SEE choleric EVLF
♈ ESFP 837 SLUEN sx/so SEE choleric VEFL
♏ ENTJ 583 RLOEI sp/so LIE choleric LVFE
♑ ESTJ 836 SCOEN sp/so LSE choleric VFLE
♈ INFP 874 SCOEI so/sx EIE sanguine ELVF
♋ INFJ 269 SCOAI so/sp EII sanguine
♒ ISFP 641 RLOAI sp/so ESI melancholic EFVL
♏ ENFP 478 RLUEI sx/so IEE melancholic LEVF
♈ ESTP 748 SLUEN sx/so SLE sanguine

Not assertive:
♋ INFJ 692 RLOAN sp/so EII melancholic ELFV
♍ INTJ 531 RLOEI so/so LII melancholic LFVE
♋ INFJ 629 SLOAN sp/so EII phlegmatic
♓ INFP 495 RLUAI so/sp IEI phlegmatic EFVL
♓ INTJ 946 RLUEI sp/so ILI phlegmatic
♋ ISFJ 964 so/sx SEI sanguine
♎ ISFJ 947 so/sx ESE sanguine


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Mystic MagentaRose said:


> I am learning to get better at it. When I was with my abusive ex-boyfriend, I felt terrible at it. Now I am learning to stand up for myself and not allow people to mistreat me. Before I used to feel bad anytime I stood up for myself, but now I no longer feel like that anymore.


Good for you. I think that with life experience and practice, it becomes easier. Especially when you can see wat the future will bring if you don't.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Zoingeroni said:


> INFP 9, it's very difficult. But i went through some things a couple years ago that led me to be more assertive! So it's a work in progress.
> 
> People i've known who were assertive:
> ♏ ESFP 684 SLUEI sx/so SEE choleric EVLF
> ...


This is very detailed, how did you get this info?


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

I find it very easy to stand up for myself. It’s hard to reason why.


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## ilovegoodcheese (Oct 28, 2017)

In the video i miss in the ENTP answer some more punching "trolling" like imitating everyone's voice and manners, i'm not familiar with the show so maybe she is doing it actually. And for sure not stopping when told to do so, maybe going again with the trolling with difference voices.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

ilovegoodcheese said:


> In the video i miss in the ENTP answer some more punching "trolling" like imitating everyone's voice and manners, i'm not familiar with the show so maybe she is doing it actually. And for sure not stopping when told to do so, maybe going again with the trolling with difference voices.


She's going to be in the show more now...


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## Eugenia Shepherd (Nov 10, 2017)

No, and it's not because I don't want to.
At the point of needing (_*needing*_) to stand up for myself, the situation has a "personal-attack" component in it, on the opposing side.
I'm a very chill, evenminded, & diplomatic/conciliatory individual anyway (I don't go around picking fights), so things usually deescalate before this happens.
If they don't, generally speaking it means the other desires my subordination one way or another.
I know from experience that I don't do well in these, albeit rare, events--for some, anger, frustration, & desperation
can amp them up in a way that effectively deals with the aggressor. For me, it's more like a drug-induced state,
wherein I don't really have much control over myself, and consequently, the situation. My mind numbs out--I freeze.
If I can manage to assail verbally or physically--I don't know how else to put it--it's _not_ impressive. It's childish and weird.
For whatever reason my mother (ENFJ) and sibling (INTP) can act a lot more threatening than I, despite similar levels of anger.
ENFJ informs me that I am "too nice".

Well, it's certainly not _niceness_... I don't think of myself as particularly fragile this way.
It's deeply aggravating when things escalate to a war, when it could've been solved faster, in a calmer manner.
Then I'm asking myself whether it's worth it to participate; whether they want to resolve an issue,
or if the underpinning goal is just to encourage an explosive reaction.

TBF if it's dumb things like insults, debates, oneupmanship, and the like it's not a problem at all.


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## Glittris (May 15, 2020)

I am rather avoidant, some might call me diplomatic, but that is not really true, I have trouble thinking about a scenario when people assault my values without it including myself. I have universal values but at the same time, my FI is rather egocentric.

Can I stand up for myself? I do not know, since so far, not many people have given me insults right up in my face. I do have plenty of replies for direct insults thought. My fortress has not had that many direct attacks, which could be seen as bad thing... "How strong is your defense if you never been fighting"-argument?

Well, based from these theoretical drawings of my own "self-image" then I can estimate that over 95% of various attacks from attackers, will have no effect on me.

Why is that? Well, standing up for yourself means immunity from other people. Many year ago, I learned that it is rather hilarious to waste thoughts on what other people actually think about you..., not to mention also, I have not watched news for many many years...., simply put, practicing mental hygiene.

Thinking..., have I ever been forced to stand up for myself? I do not actually know....

I do know who I am, what I believe in, why that is, and especially, why I should believe anything in the first place (interpret it as God/Nirvana/Force that binds the galaxy together/whatever) but to be honest, I have never been attacked right up in the face by anyone...

Well, this fortress never had an a direct assault, but I as the engineer says this fortress is protected and will withstand an attack up to 95% lol?


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I find it easier to stand up for someone else than to stand up for myself.

When it's for myself, I find it easiest to dismiss the value of communicating with the offensive person. I will stand up if there's some use to it, but not just idk...because "you disrespected me."

I relate to a few in the video--tbh, I relate to the ENTJ the most except for the money part. 

I mean...if someone had an issue with my actual voice I would probably be a bit hurt but then I would probably think something like "fuck them--go listen to something else then."

If it's a misunderstanding then I do take pains to try to correct it, but if someone is hell bent on clinging to their interpretation of my behavior then there's no point in trying to deal with them if they won't accept my perspective.

If you're talking about a video like this though--where the voices are creations and not just my boring old talking self, then I might think something like "I wonder what other options for the voices there are--like how to best express this."

That's why I prefer to avoid personal power struggles with people--I would rather just learn to articulate it in a way that is more universal. I may not care about the individual person who doesn't appreciate me thinks about me, but if I can express it in a way that's generally appealing, then maybe I can end up connecting with someone likeminded. I mean, it's really impossible to please everyone and trying to do it just ends up exhausting.

Most of the time I've stood up for myself it's only been after I decided I should do it for the sake of others. Not in extreme situations of course, but even then it still runs through my head that someone who would harm me likely would also harm someone else. It's something I remind myself of as well when deciding how to react.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Glittris said:


> I am rather avoidant, some might call me diplomatic, but that is not really true, I have trouble thinking about a scenario when people assault my values without it including myself. I have universal values but at the same time, my FI is rather egocentric.
> 
> Can I stand up for myself? I do not know, since so far, not many people have given me insults right up in my face. I do have plenty of replies for direct insults thought. My fortress has not had that many direct attacks, which could be seen as bad thing... "How strong is your defense if you never been fighting"-argument?
> 
> ...


This makes a lot of sense. I tend to see a lot of attacks coming, and they don't tend to hit or have any true underlying legitimacy. Maybe because the attackers don't know me or where to hit to cause pain. 

The sort of stuff that hurts most people, doesn't hurt me. Immunity is a great word to use. I seldom have any deep respect the people who I perceive to be 'trying' to attack me, and so their efforts carry no weight.

Being naturally dettached from the world makes it easy to not take much personally, and to not take other people's short fall in understanding as being particularly meaningful. 

I often find the reasoning of people who are trying to attack me to be quite absurd.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

WickerDeer said:


> I find it easier to stand up for someone else than to stand up for myself.
> 
> When it's for myself, I find it easiest to dismiss the value of communicating with the offensive person. I will stand up if there's some use to it, but not just idk...because "you disrespected me."
> 
> ...


Very clearly articulated. You seem very self aware in your explanation. It really shows that you have developed your communication skills, and your reasons.


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## bearlybreathing (Aug 6, 2013)

It depends on if it's worth the effort. The more important it is, the easier it will be for me. Waiter gave me bleu cheese instead of ranch dressing? Nah, I won't say anything because they're both good with buffalo chicken. Doctor fucked up my meds? Hell yeah I'll get on that, no prob. Someone says my music taste sucks? Ehh, I'll say that's an opinion and move on.


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## TheUnnecessaryEvil (Mar 28, 2021)

Not immediately. Typically I reflexively ignore everything and don't truly start saying anything until the other person gets persistent. It's a habit I've been trying to break.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

Depends on so many things

my mood...if I’m in a bad mood ...no problem
My normal mood ...depends on the person, how well I know them, if I know them is it someone who listens or argues all the time, if they argue no I just leave and cut them out if it’s happens a few times. No reason to have that person in my life. If it’s a stranger depends on mood, topic, energy level, the other person behavior or their vibes, 

if It is a strange, or acquaintances then I usually watch and listen very closely...then it ifs worth I might but usually the first time around I’m quiet just watching/listening...I might give a straight face and a glare but then I walk away.
The second time they do this, it’s on. I had time to processed it from the first time and I’m completely prepared for it. The first time around I get caught off guard and i need together info about 5he person/situation before the battle. And I try to give ppl the benefit of a doubt, but more than once, got to break that habit.

if I see others being pick on, it is easy for me to stick for others in bad situations.

when I was younger like in high school, I probably try to avoid conflicts all cost unless I was back into corner and Force to ( I’m small, 54 105 in high school and soft in nature sense) ...but being abuse in retail work so much by customers/society ( never work retail, glad I got out)...yeah, it is much easier to stick up for myself now. I guess, something good came out of working retail 

I just have so much more self worth ( have always like myself) and mostly bc I now have a great understanding of who I am. And I love the shit out myself. I know my ticks, im not scare of ppl anymore ( still don’t like or trust a lot) but I learn to appreciate myself and that makes a lot of difference. I have definite myself, what’s important and what’s not, I have learned to prioritize. 

still working on not taking things personal ( why I need to watch/listen to ppl first, to know their true intentions). Still cause me stress, up for days playing the events in my head over and over, doesn’t matter if I stick up for myself or not.

my voice still shakes when I confront ppl and my hands do,but it’s mostly out of anger not fear, when I get very anger, tears come down but I’m not crying, anger tears. I try to be tactful at first.

infp 495


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## chamomile tea (Apr 18, 2021)

I find it easier to stand up for others than for myself.

I always try my best to be considerate and I try to be more introspective or understanding if someone were to get mad at me.
I'm very calm tempered and quiet > < 
I'd probably get more flustered/shy since I'm very emotionally sensitive... maybe even start tearing up... but I could never yell at someone. 

If I do get upset with someone I'd feel really guilty afterward!

Unsure what my type is: INFx


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## Nannerl (Jan 6, 2021)

LOL same


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I'll add that I have a hard time figuring out how to stand up for myself (and to a lesser degree, others).

In the past I've had kids pick on me and tried to just let it roll of my back, but sometimes when I hit back it's a lot harder than anyone thought.

I remember once as a kid there was this girl who always called me a name--I think she called me "squinty eyes" because I squinted a lot...idk.










I thought she was mostly being playful, but she'd do it ALL the time. And I think I expressed to her that I didn't like it and she kept doing it. So I got tired of it and I called her "mickey mouse" (like ONCE) b/c she had big ears (I know it was mean but I was fed up).
Then a couple days later she was crying and she was like "all the kids called me mickey mouse now" and I felt really really bad.

I still wonder if she was just fucking with me, but I don't think so.

So I try not to lash out too much and I really worry about hurting people at times, which can get in the way of "sticking up for myself." Like honestly, I can handle being called names and stuff--I've been bullied a lot as a kid and sexually harassed and experienced various events my life and I when it's not serious bullying, I don't care.

But the idea of hurting someone is a lot worse to me, because that is something I can control to a degree even if I can't control how other people treat me.

But I think how that can come out is being really conflict-avoidant, or even letting things go too much and then they build up into resentment. Or just not being able to figure out ways to express negative things like that in a constructive way. I'm still trying to figure out a balance when it comes to the smaller things.

But for others it's easier--I put my hand over a dog that was getting beaten so the man was hitting my hand (he just kept on) as a kid. I used to save butterflies by doing the same thing, so the boys would have to stomp my hands which would get them in trouble. As a teen I chased some frat boys down (well, ran up into their apartment complex and banged on their door) and yelled at them for shooting a homeless man with a water gun out their window (till they were like "well hey there, come in to our frat party" then I left). 

It's easier to protect others that I consider weaker (maybe?) or at least more vulnerable, but it's harder to stick up for myself b/c maybe I don't like to see myself as weak...I really don't know why.


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## Penny (Mar 24, 2016)

Yes I think I am come what may. In the interest of my self-protection or preservation I will stand up for myself even if it is detrimental or has a negative outcome for me. I can't help it anymore. I have learned it's generally better to refuse to let people walk all over me than stay quiet and take their abuse. As far as my MBTI I have tested ENFJ, INFJ, ISFJ and ISFP so not sure about that. (INFJ being the latest outcome.)


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

TheUnnecessaryEvil said:


> Not immediately. Typically I reflexively ignore everything and don't truly start saying anything until the other person gets persistent. It's a habit I've been trying to break.


I think that sometimes...it just doesn't feel important ...until it feels important. Especially, if you tend to prefer to conserve your energy.


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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

impulsenine said:


> I don't know about others but the xNTJ is stereotyping like hell.
> No xNTJ ever answer that way in real life. Maybe that's what they think but they won't say it. It's useless, anyway the one who asks wouldn't understand.


I mean I have responded like that to things before. Mainly if I am trying to convey a message to boss or work.


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