# Sobriety Experiment



## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

I have decided to do a four month "sobriety experiment." I am definitely not a daily drinker, and I don't do things like get up in the morning and drink alcohol BUT I have a questionable habit of drinking to excess on an average of once per week (sometimes twice) and I've decided that I would rather be someone who didn't do this. I would rather be someone who could have two or three glasses of wine with dinner once a month, or just have drinks on special occasions. 

I remember reading something which I believe was by Deepak Chopra, where he talked about how drinking to excess brings your vibe down, so it's kind of counteractive to any kind of spiritual work you're doing. Like taking one step back for every two steps forward, so it takes you longer to develop the same benefits than it would sober. He also talks about how "enlightened" people, even monks, can drink occasionally, that the idea is not some sort of restrictive teetotaling, but that using alcohol as a crutch is a form of grasping; it should be something that can flow in and out of your life without attachment, and if it doesn't, then you should stop. 

So one of my main motivations is taking this "non-attachment" a lot more seriously. In the past year, I've gone two full months without drinking (that's one month in the summer, then one later in the winter) and will go a couple of weeks without drinking here and there. But I honestly cannot tell you the last time I went four months straight without a drink. I would say it's been between four and five years, no exaggeration.

Other benefits:

- Overall better health with no more hangovers
- Saving money (or spending it on more interesting things)
- More productive 
- No more embarrassing over-sharing or odd drunk behavior to apologize for

Why this is difficult:

Even as someone who doesn't drink daily and doesn't have physical cravings, I have used alcohol for several years now so regularly that I depend on it to "take the edge off" when I feel restless, or angry, or have had a stressful day, or sometimes even just when I'm bored. There are times where I've seen it as my "reward" or "treat" at the end of the week. Also I have associations with wine in particular, because I really enjoy wine, like having a glass or two of wine while I'm cooking sometimes, or wanting to have wine if I'm listening to a certain kind of jazz, and because it became habitual for me while living in Los Angeles, since I've moved away from LA sometimes I associate it with happy times there so it's nostalgic. 

Why this is easy:

Fortunately, I am one of those people who smoked cigarettes as a teenager and quit before I turned 30, and any "experimentation" I did with drugs other than alcohol and marijuana ended around age 25. So I've left things behind in my past, even leaving them behind for good. I'm vegan and I don't eat animal products anymore and haven't for several years. Also, more and more I am starting to feel this conviction that I'm hanging on to a part of myself that no longer serves me, or has become stale or stereotypical. Like frankly I'm kind of over my delusional little strolls down memory lane. It seemed like something I wanted or needed to do back in the day, but more and more I feel a real need to change my *inner self* not just my outer self. I want to change my relationship with myself, and going out and getting drunk in the evening then coming home to reminisce alone about things that don't matter anymore is starting to creep me out a little. I'm starting to find some of my attachments spooky, like sometimes when I drink I'll be happy, but other times I will start dwelling or mentally chewing on really dark things or things that are ultimately meaningless, and that's never going to lead to anything except depression or anxiety. In order to move forward, my relationship with alcohol has got to change.

Please feel free to share your own experiences here. I'll probably use it kind of like a journal to discuss how I'm creating new ways to deal with stress or boredom, and also note any obvious benefits.


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## Mone (May 22, 2017)

I used to be a heavy drinker myself, not an alcoholic I believe but I used drink every weekend!! for the last 2 years. I have stopped to do so in october 2018. Currently if out or playing darts I drink just a couple of beers or an alc drink and I am done, sometimes I drink non-alcoholic drinks in this occasion.

Why I stopped getting drunk:
a) I had some problems and I thought alcohol would help, ironically, it made me feel even worse. 
b) To improve my health and entire body and mind conditions - have worked ;-)
c) I was getting depressed and agressive when drunk. 
d) To save money for better, more useful things.

Morever, I have found out that I am having fun even without alcohol and people like me the same way they did before. I'd say even more.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

Mone said:


> I used to be a heavy drinker myself, not an alcoholic I believe but I used drink every weekend!! for the last 2 years. I have stopped to do so in october 2018. Currently if out or playing darts I drink just a couple of beers or an alc drink and I am done, sometimes I drink non-alcoholic drinks in this occasion.
> 
> Why I stopped getting drunk:
> a) I had some problems and I thought alcohol would help, ironically, it made me feel even worse.
> ...


That's great! Thanks for sharing.


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## Amine (Feb 23, 2014)

I don't drink much. In college I got drunk about once a week probably. I don't think there's that much of a difference, other than the actual immediate recovery period itself. I think the difference probably lies more in the long term.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

try drinking less volume when you do drink as a first step, rather than cutting frequency first. It will make the biological transition a little easier. It may even reduce the cravings for frequency and it ends up a dual benefit. 

Set a limit before you drink. If you crave another after your limit, replace it with something, for me replacements that work best are sweet drinks. For me, 50% of the craving is the sugar, not the alcohol. I don't eat many sweets to start with.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

Today I had a really stressful meeting and walking home wasn't enough of a stress-reliever for me (it often is) so I had that psychological urge to have a couple of drinks to take the edge off, with no intention of getting drunk. To be clear, I am capable of that, I am capable of having two or three drinks and stopping, but I do not want to wander off of the primrose path because I have committed myself to a sobriety experiment in an attempt to keep myself from using alcohol as any sort of "crutch" and also to prevent rationalizing having a night later on the weekend where I drink two bottles of wine instead of two glasses.

SO...what did I do? I walked to a place that is a mix of a cafe and a beer/wine only bar, a very chill place with a patio and challenged myself to have a cup of herbal tea. Yes, I did. I had my doubts, tbh, even as I was noting to myself how much cheaper a cup of hot tea was than a pint of spiced cider, that it would even work. But I chose ginger tumeric tea with hints of licorice, something that sounded really complex and spicy, and sat down with my steaming _for here_ mug on the patio as the sun was setting. I didn't check my phone or pull out any work or distractions of any kind. I sat and drank my tea and collected my thoughts alone, watching a couple of guys play fetch nearby with a dog that hangs around the cafe. GUESS WHAT? By the time I got to the end of the cup of tea, I actually felt a lot less stressed. It did take the edge off. 

Of course, it didn't work as dramatically as beer or wine, so I came home and directly got into a hot shower, and fixed myself an easy dinner. Now I'm glad I didn't go for a pint of cider, and feel reasonably normal and relaxed. 

It's not that I've never coped with stress without having a drink before, it's the fact that I had money in my pocket and there was no reason I couldn't have had the drink I wanted, and that I actively chose not to and put healthier activities in place and observed that they did work. 

Of course I'm not saying I'll have this level of control if something serious goes wrong or I'm absolutely exhausted, but it's a step!


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

chad86tsi said:


> try drinking less volume when you do drink as a first step, rather than cutting frequency first. It will make the biological transition a little easier. It may even reduce the cravings for frequency and it ends up a dual benefit.
> 
> Set a limit before you drink. If you crave another after your limit, replace it with something, for me replacements that work best are sweet drinks. For me, 50% of the craving is the sugar, not the alcohol. I don't eat many sweets to start with.


Hmm thanks. However, I'm not a daily drinker so I don't need to "cut back" so I don't die or have to be hospitalized. In fact as long as I get enough sleep and don't drink to excess I tend to wake up in the morning feeling pretty energetic and chipper. I don't think cutting back the volume is what I need to do right now, I need to change my entire relationship with alcohol so that I don't lean on it to work through every stressful day or rationalize getting completely drunk on the weekend.

I appreciate the advice about the sweet drinks. An acquaintance of mine told me to try drinking grape juice instead of wine. 

I also use CBD oil to manage stress and anxiety, and I wonder if it's more effective when people don't drink.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

Amine said:


> I don't drink much. In college I got drunk about once a week probably. I don't think there's that much of a difference, other than the actual immediate recovery period itself. I think the difference probably lies more in the long term.


Yes, what I am concerned with at this time is alcohol's long-term effect on my life, even if it's just social or psychological rather than physical. Neuroplasticity goes a long way, as does eating healthy and getting enough nutrients, and keeping your brain active with reading and other forms of learning. Some of the problems with effects of alcohol on the brain are people who abuse it daily or regularly drink to black out, but also with severe alcoholics not eating properly (alcohol steals B vitamins your brain needs) and the simple mental laziness of being drunk all the time, so not focusing on stimulating the mind and keeping it active.


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## Dragunov (Oct 2, 2013)

Be aware of the possibility of forming an addiction to something else, addiction isn't always obvious. You may try and substitute it with another intoxicant without knowing.


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## FeliciteM (Nov 6, 2017)

Until the last two years I only ever had a drink at special occasions and during the summer. Since then I have the occasional beer during the week with friends. My group likes to hit the happy-go-lucky state but never goes full on drunk so its definitely just a social thing and not some deep seeded addiction.

Smoking is harder for me to give up (I've been a full time smoker for two years @ 6-7 a day). Having those cigarettes forces me to sit down and relax which I truly have a hard time with otherwise. When I give them up its just a full on rat race until the end of the day with no "me time" so I really miss them.

Other than that I haven't tried anything else as I have no desire to.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

Well.

I only made it a week before I had a strong urge to drink. Obviously I can just start over again but I think it's interesting to observe why I decided to drink.

I have some overwhelming feelings of stress or wanting to run away that manifests itself as an intense psychological craving. Like literally the first sip of the drink was so good, not even at the point where I could have possibly felt any effects of alcohol physically. 

I need to learn how to manage that *specific* state of mind. 

I can make different choices more easily if I'm only bored or mildly stressed. I was proud of my little cup of tea the other night. 

But there's something that I am not managing well to get that point of wanting to escape. I started having a fruity wheat beer with my veggie burger then by the end of the night I was drinking a very strong spiced cider with a guy I'm friends with/sort of seeing. I had fun with my friend but honestly I shouldn't have drank that much. It's like I go big or go home, I don't know what my deal is. If I had even waited to have a couple of drinks with him it would have reduced the amount I drank significantly, rather than starting to drink alone earlier in the evening. 

For the most part I feel pretty good being sober, I would say I even have more energy and am more focused, but then the stress accumulates or something. I don't know. This is my obstacle. 

I remember when I went vegan it wasn't over night, I had some cheese here or an egg there. In fact cheese pizza was the last thing I ate that wasn't vegan. I even went on a cheese binge once for a couple of weeks before I decided I was disgusted by it. 

When I quit smoking I cut back. I only smoked a full pack a day probably when I was about 20. By my mid-twenties it was no more than half a pack a day. In fact I was pregnant for a while, so made myself quit temporarily, then miscarried so started smoking again. My ex smoked rarely, so he and I got into a habit of sharing like maybe 5 cigarettes a day. That was good. After we split up, I moved back home with my mom, and my sisters smoke like chimneys, they are typical Southern ******** that way, but somehow even in that environment I cut back to one a day then to zero. After that I became one of those people who could have one or two cigarettes or vape when I was drunk, but never at any other time. Like I overcame smoking so thoroughly that I was able to become a "social smoker" and it's been quite a while since I even did that.

Cigarettes are supposed to be as addictive as heroin, and I smashed that, so I can do this...I just really need to find another way to cope with overwhelming bad feelings.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

Dragunov said:


> Be aware of the possibility of forming an addiction to something else, addiction isn't always obvious. You may try and substitute it with another intoxicant without knowing.


How would I not know that I was taking another intoxicant?


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## Dragunov (Oct 2, 2013)

Forest Nymph said:


> How would I not know that I was taking another intoxicant?


By intoxicant i refer to any substance or behavior you could use to "lift your mood".


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

Dragunov said:


> By intoxicant i refer to any substance or behavior you could use to "lift your mood".


Yeah I don't think I'd be unaware of it. There are definitely people who quit drinking who become chain smokers, it's kind of an AA stereotype (and part of the many reasons I don't really seek out AA) and sometimes people switch to a milder substance. Like some people might be heroin addicts, so for them having a few beers a couple times a week is healthy in comparison, because at least they'll live longer and function better. Or THC/cannabis, which is medicinal in smaller doses.

Just know I'm not a purist, I think some drugs are truly dangerous (cocaine, meth, acid) but I can see the medicinal value in drugs like marijuana and alcohol. However, the problem is using them too much or leaning on either as a crutch.


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

Easiest way to stop drugs or drinking is to stay away from people who trigger you into doing it. Seems like with most people its just something everyone they know does on a regular basis so they end up getting roped into it. 

That's if you want to stop drinking all together.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

Mange said:


> Easiest way to stop drugs or drinking is to stay away from people who trigger you into doing it. Seems like with most people its just something everyone they know does on a regular basis so they end up getting roped into it.
> 
> That's if you want to stop drinking all together.


I wish that was the simple solution. I wouldn't even have a problem if that was it, I'd only drink when I consciously decided to go out. 

No, when I lived in LA I drank wine like a French person, I can easily drink a bottle of wine in a day by myself. I dated a guy whose family was Argentine, they drink wine like that too, they're influenced by Italian culture. I got into a habit where I drank at least a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week. 

Some days I only had a couple glasses or none at all, but overall alcohol became my thing that I could use to relax or escape. 

For example, I obviously drank the other day because of the stress I had on Wednesday (that I tried to cure with herbal tea and a hot shower) rolled over to Thursday, when I started drinking beers alone with my meal before I even met up with my friend. 

Wine, though, I like wine the way some people like a certain food: chocolate, pie, ice cream...wine is that for me, it's my dessert.

I haven't drank at all since Thursday but that's not exactly an accomplishment, and when I went two different times for a month without drinking I couldn't wait at the end of it to go drink two bottles of wine. 

I didn't drink as much when I was with my ex who I lived with who I was with for six years. I think about that sometimes, and I wonder if I'm acting out on some subconscious loneliness. Though that could be complete and utter bullshit, I could just be a person who binges on things. I have had a huge desire to run and to escape for my entire life, since I was in my teens. A therapist first said this to me when I was like sixteen. And I run and I run, and I was able to live the dream for a while in LA, but that's not sustainable. I don't want to leave where I'm living now. Not at all. I just don't like routine and I also don't handle stress well.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

Forest Nymph said:


> Hmm thanks. However, I'm not a daily drinker so I don't need to "cut back" so I don't die or have to be hospitalized. In fact as long as I get enough sleep and don't drink to excess I tend to wake up in the morning feeling pretty energetic and chipper. I don't think cutting back the volume is what I need to do right now, I need to change my entire relationship with alcohol so that I don't lean on it to work through every stressful day or rationalize getting completely drunk on the weekend.
> 
> I appreciate the advice about the sweet drinks. An acquaintance of mine told me to try drinking grape juice instead of wine.
> 
> I also use CBD oil to manage stress and anxiety, and I wonder if it's more effective when people don't drink.


I meant the 'cut back' advice to your situation specifically. retrain your mind to not want it so much so you don't have to fight it when you do get "dry". If you wan to splurge and have a few, have 2 instead of 3. Then 1 instead of 2. I only drink one a day, occasionaly 2, once in a while none. When I've worked real hard I've had 3, but then the next day 2 seems easier or I may even crave it. I stay focused on low volume, keeps the cravings a lot lower. When the craving comes back, a sweet drink always makes it go away. I don't think sweet drinks are a permanent replacement because they aren't all that healthy either, I just know it curbs the unwanted feelings and I'm back to where I want to be in short order. Because I never drink much, I get a much better response to what I do drink (feel more relaxed per ounce). I can also skip a day or two and don't feel like crap (addiction).

I've also found what works best for me is to drink before I eat, get the alcohol on board and in the blood quickly, then let it taper off before bedtime. I sleep way better since I started doing this. I almost never want or need a 2nd when I do this. 

You mention you want to change your relationship with it, it's great that you see it that way. If you want off alcohol all together, these tips may help get you weaned off easier. Most that I know that struggle with sobriety had not tried a tapering method that seemed reasonable to me (usually to quick). The cravings were terrible, and I think could have been mitigated or avoided all together.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

chad86tsi said:


> I meant the 'cut back' advice to your situation specifically. retrain your mind to not want it so much so you don't have to fight it when you do get "dry". If you wan to splurge and have a few, have 2 instead of 3. Then 1 instead of 2. I only drink one a day, occasionaly 2, once in a while none. When I've worked real hard I've had 3, but then the next day 2 seems easier or I may even crave it. I stay focused on low volume, keeps the cravings a lot lower. When the craving comes back, a sweet drink always makes it go away. I don't think sweet drinks are a permanent replacement because they aren't all that healthy either, I just know it curbs the unwanted feelings and I'm back to where I want to be in short order. Because I never drink much, I get a much better response to what I do drink (feel more relaxed per ounce). I can also skip a day or two and don't feel like crap (addiction).
> 
> I've also found what works best for me is to drink before I eat, get the alcohol on board and in the blood quickly, then let it taper off before bedtime. I sleep way better since I started doing this. I almost never want or need a 2nd when I do this.
> 
> You mention you want to change your relationship with it, it's great that you see it that way. If you want off alcohol all together, these tips may help get you weaned off easier. Most that I know that struggle with sobriety had not tried a tapering method that seemed reasonable to me (usually to quick). The cravings were terrible, and I think could have been mitigated or avoided all together.


Having one drink is pointless, I don't even know why people do this. I mean good for you if you enjoy one beer for the taste, but I don't even drink one glass of iced tea or one cup of coffee, I'm certainly almost never going to do that with wine. 

I also don't need to "cut back" or "taper" due to addiction, since I don't drink every day and have never drank every day.

My magic number is somewhere between 3 and 4 drinks probably. 3 glasses of wine or 4 beers/ciders. At that point I'm pleasantly buzzed and can enjoy myself and can make a conscious decision to stop. If I drink 5 I might as well drink 9, because I lose inhibitions and simply stop caring. THIS is my problem NOT needing to taper.

Ways I can do this are not keeping alcohol in my house, not drinking alone, and taking your advice of doing things like having a sweet drink or eating some chocolate or other sweets and a cup of herbal tea. 

I have people in my near vicinity who have worse problems than my own. Not to make light of their issues in any way, but it is kind of a PSA for me to drink less. Inspiration, if you will.

My therapist thinks it may be due to loneliness. She says she agrees with me that the underlying problem is that it becomes worse if I'm lonely, sexually frustrated, or just need basic human touch. If I combine this with normal daily stress it can almost become unbearable, not to mention that my field is a very depressing one, because I get to think about how humans are mindlessly destroying the planet we live on anywhere from 3 to 7 days a week, depending on what kind of work I'm doing and how much, and how much I'm keeping myself away from the news at home.

Our planet is literally dying, and I loved this film by the writer of Taxi Driver, it's called First Reformed. In it a priest is an alcoholic who plans a grisly act of jihad to draw a fake-ass religious group's attention to the reality of it happening - it's very much a commentary on the real state of things in America. But as much as the film impressed me, I was also moved by a journalist's review of the film where they described the priest as defending a polluted planet/Creation as he ironically pollutes his own body. I need to put that up on my wall or something.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

Forest Nymph said:


> Having one drink is pointless, I don't even know why people do this. I mean good for you if you enjoy one beer for the taste, but I don't even drink one glass of iced tea or one cup of coffee, I'm certainly almost never going to do that with wine.
> 
> I also don't need to "cut back" or "taper" due to addiction, since I don't drink every day and have never drank every day.
> 
> ...


If I drank 3 or 4, I'd pass out. I'm a lightweight. I get a good relaxing buzz off one. I'm also only 138-140 pounds, that helps. At times when I drank 2, the first one didn't do much. Now I try to limit it to one at a time. Because I get the desired result at one, or occasionally two, I don't have the associated health or psychological issues that can come from routine consumption, or if I have them, the are subdued and manageable.

Sounds like you have a good plan for you. Perhaps when you are ready to give it a go again, after you get yourself where you want to be, you might be able to manage it to your satisfaction health-wise if you keep the volume down when you do partake. It's worked really well for me anyway.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Try AA
My mother went for 35 years and stayed sober the entire time


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