# Boyfriend broke up with me suddenly ran off and now won't speak to me



## sometimes (Dec 26, 2013)

Hello,

My boyfriend is tired of our arguing. He hates conflict in general. He broke up with me a couple of days ago then I waited outside his work fir hours for him to come out because he wouldn't talk to me. We walked around together and he could see I was more relaxed, nice and apologetic so he came back and said he'd give our relationship one final last chance. He'd broken up not spoken to me and got bank together with me before I still ended up ruining it and making arguments not treating him well. So this time he took me back again but yesterday we argued a little bit again even though I wasn't as bad and then there was still total misunderstanding but he doesn't believe me he thinks I did it on purpose even though I apologised and said it was a misunderstanding. And now he won't speak to me and is actively looking to move to another city staying in hostels there (we live together). He just ran away from me when we were out and went straight to the other city and won't speak to me. It seems so final. I just want to speak to him face to face or on the phone. To explain and apologise. It's so sad because I know he still loves me... But he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore and this was my last chance. How likely to get back together after a couple of chances and so broken trust? I texted him I've booked to see a therapist for my OCD now which I hadn't before although I'd always wanted to. I don't even know if he believes me that the thing which made him run off was actually just a misunderstanding or not. He's an ISFP btw. I'm absolutely devastated I feel sick and heartbroken all the time. I just want to make things right.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Maybe the best thing for you right now is to let him go, and be on your own for awhile. Work on you. If he isn't willing to bridge the gap and understand your own struggles, including how you argue, even while you've done your best and continue to try to improve, then maybe being together just isn't worth it right now. He's basically made it clear that he's not willing to spend the time to struggle through these problems together-- And that's very telling for a relationship. It doesn't look good.

I don't know his side of the story, but it doesn't matter. I think you need to be healthy in your own space for awhile anyway, regardless of how this went down. It just sounds like you need to shift perspectives.


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## Thomas60 (Aug 7, 2011)

Given how willing you are to blame yourself, I feel it's unlikely this is wholly on you.

The dynamic you're living on is where every argument is a threat to the relationship, where he is willing to leave, and you are not. Therefore you will either come to suppress yourself, or be more hysterical to retreat arguments when his anger or frustrations rise.

If actively looking for work outside the city is an escape, the motivation could be he fears coming back to the relationship (which is likely when one side is actively trying to patch what's broken) and/or feels the possibility to experience shame is high. Providing an expectation to him that you won't use future encounters to patch the relationship or judge his reasons are ways to reduce his fears, and let time and coincidence provide him the opportunity to approach on his terms, which will mend the dynamic with a gesture that he wants you.


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## stormgirl (May 21, 2013)

Waiting outside of his work when he’s told you he doesn’t want to talk to you can come across creepy and desperate. If someone tells you they don’t want to be with you, you need to walk away, and let them go. He may want to work things out later when he’s had some time on his own to think, and he may not. You said yourself that you argue all the time, and he hates conflict. I too would want to end a relationship if there was constant conflict. You may have to just accept that this can’t be fixed, and do your best to move on.


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## Kaleidoskies (Jul 31, 2015)

Aww It can be really hard losing someone you weren't ready to lose. It sounds like you're boyfriend is looking for a more relaxed lifestyle, he might have a lot of anxiety or something from the fighting and conflict going on. I know how it can be if you're losing someone how the thoughts can run from "Do I show them my absolute all? and that I love them so much, and beg them for this to work?" or do I remain cool and try to act normal even though you're bubbling underneath with so much hurt and confusion. I would say whether he loves you or not, he clearly needs some space. I know it's gonna be hard but you have to be on your own. If you we're that special to him he will come back, that's how love works, but regardless you are special. If it's meant to work the magnetic pull will come back. I think he just needs some time to find his feelings without someone tugging on him so much and it sounds like theres a lot of fighting going on which is anxiety ridden when he might just want to relax and figure himself out. Just try to relax, if things get bad possibly go to a therapist and it might help. Also sometimes you'd be surprised once you figure yourself out and truly become who you are without another person with you, you may find happiness at the end of the road, and once you are happy with yourself a special person will notice (him or not) and they will love you. But regardless if that person is there or not, you have to feel special to yourself. I wish you the best  It'll be okay!! Don't worry.


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## MolaMola (Jul 28, 2012)

Before you do anything, go see a therapist. Tell him or her how you feel. They can help you through it too.


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## Apple Pine (Nov 27, 2014)

I would say that if you hear such things while in the relationship

*so he came back and said he'd give our relationship one final last chance*

It's just obvious that the relationship won't work. 

And don't blame yourself, he just wasn't the right match.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

pippylongstocking said:


> Hello,
> 
> My boyfriend is tired of our arguing. He hates conflict in general. He broke up with me a couple of days ago then I waited outside his work fir hours for him to come out because he wouldn't talk to me. We walked around together and he could see I was more relaxed, nice and apologetic so he came back and said he'd give our relationship one final last chance. He'd broken up not spoken to me and got bank together with me before I still ended up ruining it and making arguments not treating him well. So this time he took me back again but yesterday we argued a little bit again even though I wasn't as bad and then there was still total misunderstanding but he doesn't believe me he thinks I did it on purpose even though I apologised and said it was a misunderstanding. And now he won't speak to me and is actively looking to move to another city staying in hostels there (we live together). He just ran away from me when we were out and went straight to the other city and won't speak to me. It seems so final. I just want to speak to him face to face or on the phone. To explain and apologise. It's so sad because I know he still loves me... But he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore and this was my last chance. How likely to get back together after a couple of chances and so broken trust? I texted him I've booked to see a therapist for my OCD now which I hadn't before although I'd always wanted to. I don't even know if he believes me that the thing which made him run off was actually just a misunderstanding or not. He's an ISFP btw. I'm absolutely devastated I feel sick and heartbroken all the time. I just want to make things right.


Sorry to hear that. It sounds to me like you were probably better off. It takes two to make a relationship work and not all relationships were meant to be. You learn from each one and you (hopefully) find someone whose even better for you the next time around. Take the time to get yourself straightened out. It will be hard for a while, but you'll be a better person for it.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

You changed a bit too late, if at all. So, going any farther would result in stalking, I'd say just quit.


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## TheRealStev0 (May 31, 2016)

ISFPs are bad news you don't need him anyways

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G360AZ using Tapatalk


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

pippylongstocking said:


> Hello,
> 
> My boyfriend is tired of our arguing. He hates conflict in general. He broke up with me a couple of days ago then I waited outside his work fir hours for him to come out because he wouldn't talk to me. We walked around together and he could see I was more relaxed, nice and apologetic so he came back and said he'd give our relationship one final last chance. He'd broken up not spoken to me and got bank together with me before I still ended up ruining it and making arguments not treating him well. So this time he took me back again but yesterday we argued a little bit again even though I wasn't as bad and then there was still total misunderstanding but he doesn't believe me he thinks I did it on purpose even though I apologised and said it was a misunderstanding. And now he won't speak to me and is actively looking to move to another city staying in hostels there (we live together). He just ran away from me when we were out and went straight to the other city and won't speak to me. It seems so final. I just want to speak to him face to face or on the phone. To explain and apologise. It's so sad because I know he still loves me... But he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore and this was my last chance. How likely to get back together after a couple of chances and so broken trust? I texted him I've booked to see a therapist for my OCD now which I hadn't before although I'd always wanted to. I don't even know if he believes me that the thing which made him run off was actually just a misunderstanding or not. He's an ISFP btw. I'm absolutely devastated I feel sick and heartbroken all the time. I just want to make things right.


If you argued all the time it seems to me that you weren't that compatible to begin with. The best thing you can do is let go, you will probably become happier as well.


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## Loaf (Mar 27, 2014)

pippylongstocking said:


> Hello,
> 
> My boyfriend is tired of our arguing. He hates conflict in general. He broke up with me a couple of days ago then I waited outside his work fir hours for him to come out because he wouldn't talk to me. We walked around together and he could see I was more relaxed, nice and apologetic so he came back and said he'd give our relationship one final last chance. He'd broken up not spoken to me and got bank together with me before I still ended up ruining it and making arguments not treating him well. So this time he took me back again but yesterday we argued a little bit again even though I wasn't as bad and then there was still total misunderstanding but he doesn't believe me he thinks I did it on purpose even though I apologised and said it was a misunderstanding. And now he won't speak to me and is actively looking to move to another city staying in hostels there (we live together). He just ran away from me when we were out and went straight to the other city and won't speak to me. It seems so final. I just want to speak to him face to face or on the phone. To explain and apologise. It's so sad because I know he still loves me... But he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore and this was my last chance. How likely to get back together after a couple of chances and so broken trust? I texted him I've booked to see a therapist for my OCD now which I hadn't before although I'd always wanted to. I don't even know if he believes me that the thing which made him run off was actually just a misunderstanding or not. He's an ISFP btw. I'm absolutely devastated I feel sick and heartbroken all the time. I just want to make things right.


Don't put the blame entirely on yourself. It takes both parties to make things work.


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## sometimes (Dec 26, 2013)

Loaf said:


> Don't put the blame entirely on yourself. It takes both parties to make things work.


Thanks.

Since yesterday I have realised this. I was actually beating myself up about it and blaming myself so much that I hated myself and was suicidal. I have obsessive thoughts about past mistakes and often blow things out of proportion when I make mistakes and stuff. My obsessive thoughts make it so I don't know my true perspective. I think it's another aspect of my OCD that takes over. I know my own perspective now though. Through reading the messages from a few people on different forums that I posted this on. So posting about it did actually help. I think need to learn to look after myself and set boundaries. I still don't like how I behaved and am going to make sure I don't do that again. But now I see it how it was and I see his behaviour too.


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## Loaf (Mar 27, 2014)

pippylongstocking said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Since yesterday I have realised this. I was actually beating myself up about it and blaming myself so much that I hated myself and was suicidal. I have obsessive thoughts about past mistakes and often blow things out of proportion when I make mistakes and stuff. My obsessive thoughts make it so I don't know my true perspective. I think it's another aspect of my OCD that takes over. I know my own perspective now though. Through reading the messages from a few people on different forums that I posted this on. So posting about it did actually help. I think need to learn to look after myself and set boundaries. I still don't like how I behaved and am going to make sure I don't do that again. But now I see it how it was and I see his behaviour too.


No worries, don't need to thank me.

Glad to see, you've taken stock of the situaation and can see things more clearly.


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## Amine (Feb 23, 2014)

My advice would be to just stop dating people. I don't think heartbreak is worth it. And I never could do dating without putting my heart into it, so. I dunno.


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## sometimes (Dec 26, 2013)

TheRealStev0 said:


> ISFPs are bad news you don't need him anyways
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G360AZ using Tapatalk


That's typist/prejudice. I assume you're talking from personal experience..?

I have a thing for ISFP's I love them. Even though I know there are communication issues because I'm an INTP. But I learnt a lot from my boyfriend more than I have from anyone else. I learnt how sometimes the details and talking about things don't matter and how some people just communicate in different ways. I've also tried to learn how to maintain your own personal emotional harmony and not be so affected by external things (Fi) and how to live in moment (Se). Two things which I can be extremely bad at.


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## Zen Lizard (Dec 28, 2013)

I've made plenty of mistakes, but I learned a great deal from them. I'm posting this as a hopefully humorous reminder to myself and everyone else that sometimes we just have to let people go. If we learn from the experience, grow from it, and resolve to do better going forward, then we are richer for having had that friendship/relationship with another imperfect human being.


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## TheRealStev0 (May 31, 2016)

pippylongstocking said:


> That's typist/prejudice. I assume you're talking from personal experience..?
> 
> I have a thing for ISFP's I love them. Even though I know there are communication issues because I'm an INTP. But I learnt a lot from my boyfriend more than I have from anyone else. I learnt how sometimes the details and talking about things don't matter and how some people just communicate in different ways. I've also tried to learn how to maintain your own personal emotional harmony and not be so affected by external things (Fi) and how to live in moment (Se). Two things which I can be extremely bad at.


I only know what i see and experience and I've never been in a relationship with an ISFP. Also a male ISFP could be very different can't say, I don't think ive ever met a male ISFP I only know a few female ISFPs and the ones i know are manipulative and pessimistic. Your right I don't want to seem prejudice and this is only from my experience. 
Introverted Feeling is a hard function for me to understand, since I'm an INFJ this is only normal. But I think a immature introverted feeler can be mentally unstable backed by extroverted sensing can make them impulsive.
And I don't know if this is common among ISFPs but the ones I've known have a history of being promiscuous.

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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

Bummer


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## TheRealStev0 (May 31, 2016)

TheRealStev0 said:


> I only know what i see and experience and I've never been in a relationship with an ISFP. Also a male ISFP could be very different can't say, I don't think ive ever met a male ISFP I only know a few female ISFPs and the ones i know are manipulative and pessimistic. Your right I don't want to seem prejudice and this is only from my experience.
> Introverted Feeling is a hard function for me to understand, since I'm an INFJ this is only normal. But I think a immature introverted feeler can be mentally unstable backed by extroverted sensing can make them impulsive.
> And I don't know if this is common among ISFPs but the ones I've known have a history of being promiscuous.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G360AZ using Tapatalk


Also INTPs are awesome! very Smart and Funny. They are also very honest and trustworthy. My brother is a INTP and he could be the only person I trust.
So stay awesome.

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