# How do you feel about your instinctual blindspot?



## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Stellafera said:


> whelp


You relate?

When I say bullshit btw I mean it's a thing I personally bs to try to seem more of a good employee or whatever (not that I'm working right now), but in my mind it comes off as something where I feel the other person wants to hear certain boxes checked off when I talk, it's like going to a job interview and saying 'I love this company for x y and z reason', everyone's got to know that people don't have feelings about companies, can't imagine that the interviewer is thinking 'oh I hope this person shares my passion for this company' but they want to hear certain boxes checked, they work under someone too so they need to be checking boxes, in general it feels like a gigantic box-checking conspiracy XD

Of course that's like a retail scenario and people aren't usually so passionate about retail, it's come up with other situations for me...like I used to play in high school orchestra and I was surprised that...we went to some competition and won and people were hugging each other and crying and such and then we spent like an hour talking about what a great group this was and such and I was like :shocked: I'd never even thought of this as even a group situation, and I hadn't felt 'out of the group' either; I personally didn't feel that strong of a connection to the other people, this wasn't close to 'hugging and crying' situation for me but like 'oh yay we won' situation, that was one of the surprising moments in my life like 'oh, people care about this'. I cared about the instrument I played, I wanted to be really good, but I just didn't feel...that way

But there are situations when it would seem like a group identity, group feels would make sense, if it had been like a string quartet or y'know a band and we'd been working together and performing together and everything I think I'd care about that group, or I like stories about y'know 'we few, we happy few, we band of brothers' type things, lots of fictional groups I like in that category (like, the Order of the Phoenix)

So it depends but in professional/scholarly situations it's always felt like something you were supposed to say i.e. something I bullshitted (and assumed others were too) in order to look like I was 'on the track', or as I said check boxes


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Nissa Nissa said:


> You relate?
> 
> When I say bullshit btw I mean it's a thing I personally bs to try to seem more of a good employee or whatever (not that I'm working right now), but in my mind it comes off as something where I feel the other person wants to hear certain boxes checked off when I talk, it's like going to a job interview and saying 'I love this company for x y and z reason', everyone's got to know that people don't have feelings about companies, can't imagine that the interviewer is thinking 'oh I hope this person shares my passion for this company' but they want to hear certain boxes checked, they work under someone too so they need to be checking boxes, in general it feels like a gigantic box-checking conspiracy XD
> 
> ...


Ah, that makes more sense. I get more of what you mean now, although I still tend to be very... susceptible? to the idea of "we are a team". Like, I might not initially look at the dynamic that way in a professional setting but it makes sense to me that you're a team, you're a bunch of moving parts that fit together, sure why not. And the phrase "part of a team" does give me some minor warm fuzzies*. It's not totally bullshit to me. You didn't accomplish something alone so you're a team. 

_*The phrase "team" implies that you fulfill a valuable role and matter to the group_


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Stellafera said:


> Ah, that makes more sense. I get more of what you mean now, although I still tend to be very... susceptible? to the idea of "we are a team". Like, I might not initially look at the dynamic that way in a professional setting but it makes sense to me that you're a team, you're a bunch of moving parts that fit together, sure why not. And the phrase "part of a team" does give me some minor warm fuzzies*. It's not totally bullshit to me. You didn't accomplish something alone so you're a team.
> 
> _*The phrase "team" implies that you fulfill a valuable role and matter to the group_


Yeah, it certainly makes sense that one is a part of moving pieces
But I'm an egotist, makes me feel like I didn't do anything  (well, maybe because I tend to have trouble finding something to do in group scenarios, like it always feels like everyone else has everything magically figured out and generally that people don't think of giving me something to do lol...that or like in school I often ended up doing everything, actually it's not clear to me I'm doing anything unless everything's under my control so I think I could also bulldoze by mistake, because I'd get frustrated that it didn't feel like anything was happening...well, I don't know what the situations really were)

(Or volunteering, every time I tried I felt like people would forget to give me anything to do and I didn't want to ruin everything by doing something actively so I'd mostly stand there trying to look like I was being useful by taking forever with one simple task I knew I was allowed to do, that's often how I feel with groups situations)

Or like that's something that frustrated me about singing in a choir or playing in an orchestra, couldn't hear myself so it didn't feel like I was contributing at all and I was scared I was off-key and not hearing it, it would bother me so much in choir that I'd just not sing, didn't feel like it made any difference any way so it seemed like a pointless activity...liked playing in orchestra but I was in it for personal glory and those rare, rare viola solos :laughing:

Think I tend to see parts in groups as individual tasks that are pieced together to form a whole, like instead of saying 'this is a castle and it protects and houses!' I see like 'aha this is a battlement and it's very beautiful and you can duck behind and shoot arrows' 'this is a moat, let me tell you the saga of the alligators', which...obviously those things feed into one another, I think I've seen some Socionics thing this is related to?

But yeah it wasn't a moral or quality-control 'bullshit', but more like...idk feel like I assume most people are 'wink-winking' or doing the bare minimum on boring things, often true but surprising when it's not


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I'm sp-last. I think of myself as mostly barely scraping by at sp matters. Both of my parents are sp-first (sp/soc and sp/sx) and my brother is sx/sp, so I'm the sp fail of the family. Impressively I've always managed to have a decent job and some degree of money but my spaces tend to become really messy no matter how much I try to corral them and I'm terrified of financial paperwork like savings, stocks, insurance, and so on. My husband is sp-first, thank goodness, and he helps me a lot. I had always read that people of opposite instinctual stacking wouldn't work out well romantically, but actually in our case it seems like he helps me with sp and I help him with sx and we're both happier for it.

Funny aside - I've always been attracted to sx-last people, relationship-wise. I'm not really sure why, but I know it feels very satisfying when someone who is sx-last really opens up with me. 



Nissa Nissa said:


> and yeah that 'part of team' thing always sounds fake to me, can't imagine many people actually feel that, I am aware it's supposed to be a thing though, but I mean . . . that's bullshit for everyone, isn't it?


The only thing I can think of like that is sometimes if I'm part of a group that does something really neat, or even just am observing it, I get that kind of deep swelling-up inspirational feeling I get during an orchestral rising in music, or looking out at the ocean, that sweeping moving feeling of vastness-gratitude-ecstasy. I think it's about the awesomeness of something good that's so much bigger than myself. 



Nissa Nissa said:


> it's like going to a job interview and saying 'I love this company for x y and z reason', everyone's got to know that people don't have feelings about companies, can't imagine that the interviewer is thinking 'oh I hope this person shares my passion for this company' but they want to hear certain boxes checked, they work under someone too so they need to be checking boxes, in general it feels like a gigantic box-checking conspiracy XD


Lol right. 

Though it occurred to me recently that maybe I should be working for an organization I _would_ feel like that about.


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

> Russ said that there’s enormous shame associated with the blind spot variant. A sense of deficiency, being far behind, less of a person. The deepest fears about the self are in this domain. You feel like you need remedial help. You’re not practiced in this area.


True, people often don't believe me when I tell them I'm not doing so well, because almost always; my already deficient SP becomes ever more deficient. Ironically enough, this usually happens as a result of over using my SX instinct. I'd probably be better off; if I I utilized my SO instinct more and then I might be less addicted to my SX. :idunno:


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## No_this_is_patrick (Jun 27, 2016)

Stellafera said:


> This is so fascinating to me because (to a certain extent) I take a ton of pride in those things. I remember when I got a new job this past summer working a lot of hours and I'd always grin from ear-to-ear whenever I turned in my checks because I got to watch my little nest of money grow :crazy:. Shame that I hated the rest of the job.
> 
> I also recently calculated that I have spent less than half of my entertainment budget for the past 6 months and it brought me so much joy.
> 
> ----------


Don't get me wrong. You should be very proud of your self control and I wish I could save any money at all. I mean more like being cheap. For example, once my 5w6 sp/sx father went with my sister and brother-in-law to the junkyard so they could get a part for their car. My dad had agreed to help them fix the car, he has knowledge about cars, my brother-in-law doesn't but was hoping to learn some from my dad and bond a little. My sister knows zero about cars. When they got to the junkyard they discovered they each had to pay like two bucks just to go inside the gate. My dad decided he would wait in the car. My sister paid for him to get in. My dad makes way more money than they do. Wtf dad? Who is that cheap?

Materialism is kinda gross to me in general also. Prioritizing objects over people never sits well with me. Bragging about your fancy house/car/watch...or even owning things that are nicer than you need at all. Idk if I could live with myself if I have a 100k car and had to drive by homeless people, etc.

I'm also not saying I am right in any way or that anyone else should feel bad about the same stuff I do. It's a curse. I wish I could be sx last for sure. Sx is indeed useless.


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

No_this_is_patrick said:


> Don't get me wrong. You should be very proud of your self control and I wish I could save any money at all. I mean more like being cheap. For example, once my 5w6 sp/sx father went with my sister and brother-in-law to the junkyard so they could get a part for their car. My dad had agreed to help them fix the car, he has knowledge about cars, my brother-in-law doesn't but was hoping to learn some from my dad and bond a little. My sister knows zero about cars. When they got to the junkyard they discovered they each had to pay like two bucks just to go inside the gate. My dad decided he would wait in the car. My sister paid for him to get in. My dad makes way more money than they do. Wtf dad? Who is that cheap?
> 
> Materialism is kinda gross to me in general also. Prioritizing objects over people never sits well with me. Bragging about your fancy house/car/watch...or even owning things that are nicer than you need at all. Idk if I could live with myself if I have a 100k car and had to drive by homeless people, etc.
> 
> I'm also not saying I am right in any way or that anyone else should feel bad about the same stuff I do. It's a curse. I wish I could be sx last for sure. Sx is indeed useless.


I agree that your example was just plain ridiculous, but what I'm saying is that I_ am_ a bit materialistic. I genuinely enjoy the feeling of amassing money for money's sake. Well, maybe not entirely for its own sake. I think it makes me feel secure. "I am setting up financial security for myself, I am taking care of myself, I feel happy". I think that's where the Sp instinct comes in. I don't think most Sp-lasts find "taking care of yourself" to be particularly thrilling or engrossing. :tongue:


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

I like my blindspot. Being disengaged to everything enables me to react quick. It's an asset I put much value in and find use for everywhere. It's going to sound foreign to many of you, _"Nothing is important"_ for me. I can live with a lot of withouts.


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## Mr Castelo (May 28, 2017)

It frustrates me (SX-last). I don't feel like I really get attached to anything, can be quite dispassionate, and I have issues with intimacy in general. Sometimes, I crave emotional closeness/intensity, but I feel like I'm just unable to handle it.


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## Viole (Aug 4, 2016)

Thanks for that. I'm SX/SP, and the man of my dreams is SO/SP, and I'm reading everything I can that will hint at how to connect (an not!) connect with him. Learning he'd be adverse to intimacy as I am hunting for it, makes me incredibly sad, however knowledge is power, and if I can understand how SX's think and feel, I can work with that! Thanks!


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## Lady of Clockwork (Dec 14, 2017)

I only ever think about it when I'm with others.

Sx sounds to me to be the "social norm", that if you don't have this drive, you're perceived as weird or in some depression or possibly closeted. When I've been alone for so long, I get asked, "Do you go to clubs or the bar much?" which I assume is just another way of asking "Do you go looking for someone to sleep with?". I don't look for intimacy or chemistry, and whenever I feel as if the other person is after that, I want to leave. Questions such as "Do you think s/he is hot?" or statements like "I want to root him/her" confuse me, and I never know how to respond - sometimes I don't even know if the talker is serious, but is only saying that because they think they have to, so I laugh to sooth how uncomfortable I'm feeling.

I suppose there are similarities between So an Sx, but I think the former is more in want of a long-term connection, whilst the latter wants a burst of intensity. That burst is unlikely to come from me. I would rather form a connection, ensure it's secure and harmonious, and _then_ follow with the intensity. Maybe I'm wrong about all this, that I am what I am due to being hurt in the past, and have sustained myself with these seemly safety-precautions. That spontaneity was stomped down long, long ago, because I'm sure I had it as a child.

There are times when I imagine what my life would be like if the variants were rearranged, perhaps an Sx-dom, but for the individual that I am, it's not for me.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

iLeaf said:


> I only ever think about it when I'm with others.
> 
> Sx sounds to me to be the "social norm", that if you don't have this drive, you're perceived as weird or in some depression or possibly closeted. When I've been alone for so long, I get asked, "Do you go to clubs or the bar much?" which I assume is just another way of asking "Do you go looking for someone to sleep with?". I don't look for intimacy or chemistry, and whenever I feel as if the other person is after that, I want to leave. Questions such as "Do you think s/he is hot?" or statements like "I want to root him/her" confuse me, and I never know how to respond - sometimes I don't even know if the talker is serious, but is only saying that because they think they have to, so I laugh to sooth how uncomfortable I'm feeling.
> 
> ...


You put into words what's been in my head for awhile.

I don't mind sx...until it gets brought up by others and there are social expectations with it. Then it's a miserable affair. Fish being judged by its ability (and desire) to climb a tree, and all that.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

Viole said:


> Thanks for that. I'm SX/SP, and the man of my dreams is SO/SP, and I'm reading everything I can that will hint at how to connect (an not!) connect with him. Learning he'd be adverse to intimacy as I am hunting for it, makes me incredibly sad, however knowledge is power, and if I can understand how SX's think and feel, I can work with that! Thanks!


What you need to do is define 'intimacy'. "What is it", "when is it" and tell the SO/SP this.


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## yea yea lemme talk (Oct 6, 2021)

TheDarknessInTheSnow said:


> I'm So/Sp and I deeply long for a connection to my Sx blind spot. I actually see life as pointless without Sx. Sure, So and Sp are great for surviving and getting by, but Sx is where the fun is at. In my eyes, it's the total embodiment of irrationality, and I truly believe with that irrationality comes freedom. I abide by the rules, I play by the rules. I don't attend to what I actually desire, what I'm actually gravitated to in life, which is only a short period of enlivened energy. Why energy on something as boring as taking care of yourself and fitting in superficially with your outside world? Why not on doing what drives you to your core? Even if that be looking for juice in a random conversation with a stranger, or stubbornly pursuing your vision for a night by yourself regardless of responsibilities? I can't help but see myself as deprived without the "fun" energy of Sx. In my blinded eyes, Sx is the meaning of life. Fun, stubborn, irrational, reckless, orgasmic energy.


I love you


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