# I need to stop entering paranoid mode when i'm alone



## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

There are certain thought patterns that won't leave me in peace when i'm alone. They start about as a couple of days have passed from my last social interaction. I'm perfectly fine and chilled when i'm in company with someone and in the following days, but after a bit i almost stop recognizing myself.

Wikipedia entry on Paranoid personality disorder says:



> Paranoid personality disorder (PPD) is a mental disorder characterized by paranoia and a pervasive, long-standing suspiciousness and generalized mistrust of others. Individuals with this personality disorder may be hypersensitive, easily feel slighted, and habitually relate to the world by vigilant scanning of the environment for clues or suggestions that may validate their fears or biases. Paranoid individuals are eager observers. They think they are in danger and look for signs and threats of that danger, potentially not appreciating other evidence.


Now i'm not saying i have PPD, but the state i enter is very similar to that one. I almost get OCD too. For example, i check my university's Facebook group for news. I see that some guy i barely know made a comment somewhere. I check his profile, get a vague idea of how his life is, and become envious of his life. "See, you are struggling to get what he has in his life. His social life is ok while you are a lonely piece of crap." Which isn't even true! I start comparing his profile with mine and i calculate what i can do to make my profile more appetible. I realize that it looks like shit and i give up. Some days pass and i start overthinking each possible status update i can make to my profile, discarding all possibilities until i'm left paralysed.

That's just an example. Other thoughts might include fear of never being close to another person, which is not even been true especially in the last two years. I have no basis to think it, because past experiences suggest differently, even if i turn out to be single at the current moment. Or i might think that my friends secretly don't care about me, or will forget about me as soon as they have the occasion. I mean, in moments of clarity i can clearly see that these thoughts and behaviours make no sense, but they become surprisingly convincing and 'logical' when i enter that state.

I'm an introvert so i spend a good amount of time alone, which is okay as long as i can occasionally balance it with extraverted behaviors. Indeed, these thoughts stop as soon as i get to be with another person. I don't even have to voice them or to confess them to that person, i don't need to be reassured (indeed nobody knows about this). I become sane again just by being around someone. I think back at what i was thinking and i am like "what the actual shit, my life is okay, what kind of silly games are aliens doing to my mind?"

This cycle constantly repeats, at intervals of about one or two weeks, depending on how my social life drifts. Few days of sanity followed by the remaining time full of paranoid thoughts. I also feel like shit the whole time. I feel nervous or shakiness inside, or i kind of feel 'trapped' or 'caught'. I suddenly get scared for no reason. I'm easily irritable even though i don't show it. I feel critical of others while at the same time i feel inferior to them. I feel lonely and blue, worthless. Then i get sane again, and repeat. I started noticing this about one year and a half ago, then it has become much more evident this year, since the start of 2015, and i'm fully realizing it only now because i was in denial the whole time.

I'm in a perfectly lucid mental state right now because i spent last night with a friend and i even met new people. I predict that this calm will last maybe for another day before i get crazy again. Texting with someone usually alleviates the symptoms a bit, but as far as i have observed the only full 'cure' is being physically around someone. I'm not sure what i can do to address this. Sometimes, when i'm in the full peak of one of those moments, i think that even having someone to talk about it would change things, but i'm not sure. I've never tried it and i don't think i easily can. Also, i need a damn hug.

Suggestions?


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## Rhonda Rousey (Sep 22, 2015)

Have you tried meditating? :happy:


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Rhonda Rousey said:


> Have you tried meditating? :happy:


Nope. I'm not even sure how to do that properly.


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## AmandaLee (Aug 13, 2014)

I don't think you have Paranoid Personality Disorder. Those that really suffer from that condition don't have your level of self-awareness. They believe their paranoid thoughts are perfectly rational and everybody else is either blind or stupid for not seeing things their way. 

From what you've described here, your condition seems anxiety-related, possibly some form of obsessive compulsive disorder.


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## SevSevens (Aug 5, 2015)

akiyama said:


> Nope. I'm not even sure how to do that properly.


this happens to me when I'm overstimulated and can't make out what I feel vs. what other people feel. It's one of the reasons why I can't take myself too seriously. This could be a minor symptom of a bigger disorder or it could just be OCD. People say that I just have ocd and minor anxiety - people close to me, educated people, who are much older with more experience and that I don't have much to worry about.

As for meditating...well it depends on your make up.

For me it's hard to pull away from music, exercise, and goal based things. I find that simply laying on the floor and letting my spine decompress while I stretch seems to calm me and sooth me. 

Explore the different avenues. I'm always learning. It's good to see someone else has similar experiences though because clearly this is a place where smart people dwell, people who seek to become better, and if others are experiencing this we might say it is part of the normal course of spiritual development and conscious awareness expansion.

As we she the light of introspection upon ourselves we will probably uncover new shadows that at first seem like ugly beasts but are really just little bugs.


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

Cloud be anxiety or depression, sounds like you need to see a shrink.


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

AmandaLee said:


> I don't think you have Paranoid Personality Disorder. Those that really suffer from that condition don't have your level of self-awareness. They believe their paranoid thoughts are perfectly rational and everybody else is either blind or stupid for not seeing things their way.
> 
> From what you've described here, your condition seems anxiety-related, possibly some form of obsessive compulsive disorder.


I slightly relate to the Paranoid personality disorder description in the part where it says that these people "think they are in danger and look for signs and threats of that danger", because that's the attitude i get in those moments of scarce lucidity, and indeed the thoughts generated from that kind of scanning for informations seem to be perfectly rational to me in that moment. Then yes, i get self-aware after a while.

That said, i don't think i have OCD, either. Just some bad anxiety, perhaps? I really wouldn't put this in a box, anyway. I only mentioned the disorders as a way to convey the nuances of how i'm feeling.

Solutions?


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

marblecloud95 said:


> Cloud be anxiety or depression, sounds like you need to see a shrink.


That will be my last resort.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Suggestions? [/QUOTE]

sounds like the description of unhealthy 5 [read it]
i can relate somewhat
when i was much younger and stressed out i would get that

go to the enneagram theory forum under head triad for 5's
read the unhealthy 5 section
see if this describes what you are experiencing


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Vinniebob said:


> sounds like the description of unhealthy 5 [read it]
> i can relate somewhat
> when i was much younger and stressed out i would get that
> 
> ...


I'm precisely 5w6.



> unbalanced and unhealthy states
> 
> Unbalanced 5/6 becomes afraid of people. Mistrust interacts with reductionistic analysis, and the world begins to seem more and more threatening. Threeish competitive urges might emerge, combining with sevenish mania to create a kind of intense, argumentative combativeness that hides a deep sense of inadequacy. This unbalanced state turns people away, leading to a greater sense of isolation. Unhealthy 5/6 tends to rationalize that most people are not honest anyway, and since other people fail to recognize the value of their brilliant ideas, they are not worth knowing at all.
> 
> *In the worst cases, paranoia and anxiety lead 5/6 into a terrifying spiral in which increasingly bizarre fabrications may be used to explain hallucinated meanings into even the most mundane events.* Numbers, names, and shapes can take on enormous significance. Vast, intricate, imaginary conspiracies are clearly seen as Truth. The whole world is warped into a shape that supports an increasingly baroque inner model. There is a time during which violent acts are possible, just before the inner system collapses. In the end, the house of cards can fall suddenly, leaving 5/6 in a trembling fugue of total withdrawal.


Reading this unhealthy 5w6 description, i think i have had some very light version of this in the past, but now i don't relate to it at all other than for the bolded part. I also read the unhealthy 5w4, but i don't identify at all.

In short, these descriptions seem to be saying that the type 5 would retreat from the external world, although for different reasons. What i seem to be experiencing instead is that i feel very uncomfortable staying alone for more than three days. I would want to reach out but i don't know where to look and so i feel like shit, and in turn start thinking that i'm somehow destined to remain alone because others want it, not because i want to retreat.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

not being rude
what's stopping you from having a companion?


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Vinniebob said:


> not being rude
> what's stopping you from having a companion?


You mean how come i get several days without much social contact? I don't have a lot of friends, and those who i have all go to different universities. Unsynched schedules is the problem. We see each other once in a week if i'm lucky. In the meantime, i know almost nobody from the classes i attend because i failed at socializing (actually, i knew some people but they also eventually ended up in slightly different classes because of different career paths).

Now that i think about it, what probably makes me feel very lonely is the fact that i am lonely in a crowd. That's very bad in comparison to just not having people around me.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

joining groups an option
i can relate to having a difficult time making friends in my younger years


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Vinniebob said:


> joining groups an option
> i can relate to having a difficult time making friends in my younger years


Yeah, but the point is that i shouldn't feel like this in the first place. It's exaggerated. I still see friends more or less regularly and i can text people if i want to chat. It's pretty silly that i feel that way, when i think about it in moments of lucidity. It gets so bad at times that i actually turn into Mr Hyde.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

is this the 1st time you have lived on your own?
could be ultra stressed out due to this combined with schooling
lack of recreation, separation anxiety and a few other things
is there a counselor on campus you can go to?
@Swede likes giving advice
what say swedes


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Vinniebob said:


> is this the 1st time you have lived on your own?
> could be ultra stressed out due to this combined with schooling
> lack of recreation, separation anxiety and a few other things
> is there a counselor on campus you can go to?
> ...


I should clarify that i still don't live on my own. I don't spend much time with my family anyway.

I don't know if there is a counselor there, but i doubt it. I will ask.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

akiyama said:


> Nope. I'm not even sure how to do that properly.


very simple
all you need to do is focus on one thought
examples- when walking outside concentrate on the air you feel on your skin
slow your thoughts to only this one thing
if you have access to a bath tub then take a bath and concentrate on the warmth of the water
meditation is simply focusing on one positive thing
try not to dwell on future or past events 
only dwell on the moment


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

please do
you probably aren't the only person in your area experiencing this
do you have a person [relative or friend] you can confide in?
if so talk to them about what you are going through


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Vinniebob said:


> very simple
> all you need to do is focus on one thought
> examples- when walking outside concentrate on the air you feel on your skin
> slow your thoughts to only this one thing
> ...


I will try this.



Vinniebob said:


> please do
> you probably aren't the only person in your area experiencing this
> do you have a person [relative or friend] you can confide in?
> if so talk to them about what you are going through


Maybe there are some people i can talk to, but i think it would accomplish almost nothing other than embarassing myself.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

akiyama said:


> I will try this.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe there are some people i can talk to, but i think it would accomplish almost nothing other than embarassing myself.


no take it from a INTJ 5w6
talk about it
if you don't then you will repress into a deeper darker state of depression
i know this from experience
even if you confide online
deal with your repressed emotions now, asap, pronto
you will not regret it


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

@_akiyama_, as @Vinniebob said, you are likely displaying the traits of an unhealthy 5. Unhealthy can be caused by stress, both real and 'imagined'. 

So so the question is, what do you want to do to deal with this?

As I see it, there are two paths to take:
a) work on being happier when alone. You say that you are not into meditation, but for example working out is another great way to calm down and create happiness hormones. Another thing is to find your passion and enjoy working on that. 
b) accept that introverts need social contacts and friends as well. Here is the problem; introverts (at least INTJs, not sure about INTPs) need a deeper level of friendship. We are not good at the chit-chat type socializing. So here you can take two paths as well:
i) learn to appreciate the more superficial contacts; just a smile and a "Hi, how are you."
ii) work on finding people who are more like you. As Vinniebib mentioned, joining groups/societies is a good way to meet other people - I'd suggest doing something that already appeals to you. If you don't have time, maybe ask some classmates if anyone is interested in a study group. The group can be both social and practical.

Other thoughts about socialization. Does it have to be with friends and face-to-face? Can you text or talk with friends over the phone? Or would it be enough to go to a cafe or a library and just enjoy having people around you? 
When I was younger, I used to be embarrassed if being alone. Now I embrace it and I have no problem having a cup of coffee all by myself while reading a book at a coffee shop somewhere. Maybe worth a try?

When you catch yourself getting pulled into the paranoia, stop and try to shrug it off and just walk away (from FB, etc). When you walk away, you tell your mind that your conscious thoughts are in control, not your uninvited thoughts. Basically, you try to rewire your brain. 
Or even better, accept that you are a human being with a particular set of weaknesses - just like everybody else. What is great is that you are aware of this particular weakness end that is 90% of actually overcoming it, I'd say. Often when we accept our flaws, they become less of a deal and sometimes just disappear on their own accord. I've read somewhere that intrusive thoughts often become less intrusive if we accept them and decide that they are not a big deal.

Body contact is extremely important. I can't advice you where to get hugs, but if you just need body contact, dance classes may be an option? Since you are a man, you shouldn't have any problems finding dance partners in class. Often there are way more women than men in class. However, you really ought to be interested in dancing, or else it becomes a bit creepy. 
Thoughts?


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

hugs swede
did i read that correctly?
a INTJ telling a INTP to get hugs
i, i'm speechless 
wait till grand master stephen hawking hears about this
he will not be pleased:laughing:


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Swede said:


> a) work on being happier when alone. You say that you are not into meditation, but for example working out is another great way to calm down and create happiness hormones. Another thing is to find your passion and enjoy working on that.


Yep, I practice a fair amount of things in my alone time. As a reference, there is a list of tips for fighting depression among the stickies. I already do most of the things in that list. The ones i really miss are the ones about socializing.



Swede said:


> b) accept that introverts need social contacts and friends as well. Here is the problem; introverts (at least INTJs, not sure about INTPs) need a deeper level of friendship. We are not good at the chit-chat type socializing. So here you can take two paths as well:
> i) learn to appreciate the more superficial contacts; just a smile and a "Hi, how are you."


This is basically what my social life at the university consists of, and it really isn't enough.



Swede said:


> ii) work on finding people who are more like you. As Vinniebib mentioned, joining groups/societies is a good way to meet other people - I'd suggest doing something that already appeals to you. If you don't have time, maybe ask some classmates if anyone is interested in a study group. The group can be both social and practical.


This is going to be hard to do, but i will try. As i said in the OP, i met new people last night and, who knows, something could come up from that.



Swede said:


> Other thoughts about socialization. Does it have to be with friends and face-to-face? Can you text or talk with friends over the phone? Or would it be enough to go to a cafe or a library and just enjoy having people around you?
> When I was younger, I used to be embarrassed if being alone. Now I embrace it and I have no problem having a cup of coffee all by myself while reading a book at a coffee shop somewhere. Maybe worth a try?


I really prefer face-to-face. But even if i managed to confide to someone through text, that would be a good step forward. As i said to Vinniebob, i don't really know if that's possible.



Swede said:


> When you catch yourself getting pulled into the paranoia, stop and try to shrug it off and just walk away (from FB, etc). When you walk away, you tell your mind that your conscious thoughts are in control, not your uninvited thoughts. Basically, you try to rewire your brain.
> Or even better, accept that you are a human being with a particular set of weaknesses - just like everybody else. What is great is that you are aware of this particular weakness end that is 90% of actually overcoming it, I'd say. Often when we accept our flaws, they become less of a deal and sometimes just disappear on their own accord. I've read somewhere that intrusive thoughts often become less intrusive if we accept them and decide that they are not a big deal.


I will try this!



Swede said:


> Body contact is extremely important. I can't advice you where to get hugs, but if you just need body contact, dance classes may be an option? Since you are a man, you shouldn't have any problems finding dance partners in class. Often there are way more women than men in class. However, you really ought to be interested in dancing, or else it becomes a bit creepy.
> Thoughts?


This is a very interesting idea, i will have to think about it. However, i have the feeling that it is too much of a step forward for me. I mean it seems draining in comparison to what i'm accustomed to.

Thank you very much for the insights!


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Vinniebob said:


> no take it from a INTJ 5w6
> talk about it
> if you don't then you will repress into a deeper darker state of depression
> i know this from experience
> ...


I just don't know who the right person to talk about this could even be.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

pick some one you really trust
feel free to p.m me if you want

it could be professor , counselor , priest
some one non biased and honest


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Just writing is a pretty good way to deal with things too.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Oh, another thing, you don't have to 'confess' your deeper most thoughts to anyone, not even to close friends or family. 
I mean, if you want to, go for it (beware that you might scare some friends off though, but if they scare easily, they may not be friends(. But if you feel an urge to do it just to be honest, don't. Most people hide parts of who they are to their surroundings and there is nothing wrong about that. 

(The reason I state this is because you write "confide" above.)

And good luck with your new acquaintances.


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Swede said:


> Oh, another thing, you don't have to 'confess' your deeper most thoughts to anyone, not even to close friends or family.
> I mean, if you want to, go for it (beware that you might scare some friends off though, but if they scare easily, they may not be friends(. But if you feel an urge to do it just to be honest, don't. Most people hide parts of who they are to their surroundings and there is nothing wrong about that.
> 
> (The reason I state this is because you write "confide" above.)


If by talking to someone about this i can't confess how i really feel in the most sincere possible way, then i find no point in talking about it. I see what you mean though.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

akiyama said:


> If by talking to someone about this i can't confess how i really feel
> 
> please do
> long story short
> ...


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

akiyama said:


> If by talking to someone about this i can't confess how i really feel in the most sincere possible way, then i find no point in talking about it. I see what you mean though.


Yes, I see what you are saying and I agree in part, but sometimes people can't handle honesty and deeper subjects. Which is why so many of us turn to therapists, diaries, art, advice forums, etc. 

Have you you talked about this with your close friends? 

And I do think that the stress you are feeling us pretty natural; studying is stressful, change is stressful, being away from your friends is stressful, and having to generate a whole new social network is extremely stressful for introverts. My point is, don't be too hard on yourself. What you are dealing with right now is not insignificant by any stretch of the imagination. 

I feel for you (I've been there myself), but once you have jumped this (huge) hurdle, you will have learned so much.


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## AmandaLee (Aug 13, 2014)

akiyama said:


> I slightly relate to the Paranoid personality disorder description in the part where it says that these people "think they are in danger and look for signs and threats of that danger", because that's the attitude i get in those moments of scarce lucidity, and indeed the thoughts generated from that kind of scanning for informations seem to be perfectly rational to me in that moment. Then yes, i get self aware after a while.
> 
> That said, i don't think i have OCD, either. Just some bad anxiety, perhaps? I really wouldn't put this in a box, anyway. I only mentioned the disorders as a way to convey the nuances of how i'm feeling.
> 
> Solutions?


You do seem to recognize these thoughts as being pathological, and I was saying that people with paranoid personality disorder (or personality disorders in general) don't have this insight into their psychology. That being said, I don't think reading symptom descriptions on Wikipedia is a reliable way of diagnosing yourself. It's easy to convince yourself you have all kinds of illnesses if you only read a list of symptoms that you relate to them all. Back when I started doing this, the only thing I _didn't_ believe I had was testicular cancer (as I'm female). 

This isn't me saying there is nothing wrong, but I don't think you need to worry about going crazy. What you described sounds like some kind of anxiety-related issue. I only mentioned OCD as a possible cause, because you do seem to have obsessive thoughts.

There is no easy recipe for curing an anxiety disorder. Apart from anxiolytic medication (not recommended for long-term use, as it's easy to get hooked on it) or cognitive behavior therapy (can be very expensive), the only advice I can give you is to learn how to recognize early triggers of your anxiety and find a workable solution. Don't dwell on negative thoughts. If you start having them, try to redirect your attention to something else that helps diffuse your anxiety. 

Don't become a recluse, but as an introvert, respect your need for solitude. I think this is very important. Don't try to turn yourself into an extravert, because it's going to exhaust you.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Vinniebob said:


> please do
> long story short
> 11 years ago this xmas me mum passed after a 18 year battle with cancer
> it was also her birthday
> ...


I did the exact same thing - I created a thread about kids who grow up with narcissistic parents. It was probably the last and biggest step towards healing (the vast majority of that healing was something I took care of all on my own). 

Sometimes others can't understand even if they want to, because understanding takes a lot of effort and can be very painful, especially when their frame of reference is so far away that they have no possibility to even begin imagining. 
And sometimes people just plainly don't believe you and think that you exaggerate and that you feel sorry for yourself. 
And smetimes people don't WANT to believe because it's easier to pretend that life is fair and that people are good. 

Back to body contact, you can also get massage, if you can afford it. I think that massage institutes have pretty good prices depending on where in the training they are. 
This is one of those instances where it's definitely a huge plus being a woman; pedicures and manicures are ways to get non-sexual body contact with no strings attached. They don't only slap on some nail-polish, but they actually rub your calls/feet. I have a feeling that many of us go more for the massage than the nail-polish, tbh. 
(@_Vinniebob_, I know it's shocking... But he did say that he needs some hugs in OP.)


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

thankfully we elders can offer advice to the younger generations :kitteh:
i never knew about the types until i was 38 [15 y/a] 
by then was too late, the damage was done
now with the inter webs the NT's can reach out and share stories and advice
live long and prosper:laughing:


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Swede said:


> Yes, I see what you are saying and I agree in part, but sometimes people can't handle honesty and deeper subjects. Which is why so many of us turn to therapists, diaries, art, advice forums, etc.
> 
> Have you you talked about this with your close friends?





Swede said:


> Sometimes others can't understand even if they want to, because understanding takes a lot of effort and can be very painful, especially when their frame of reference is so far away that they have no possibility to even begin imagining.
> And sometimes people just plainly don't believe you and think that you exaggerate and that you feel sorry for yourself.
> And smetimes people don't WANT to believe because it's easier to pretend that life is fair and that people are good.


I haven't talked to anyone yet, but i'm starting to consider how to do it and who to look for. I think i know who can i talk to but it will take some days before i'm fully prepared to do it.



Swede said:


> And I do think that the stress you are feeling us pretty natural; studying is stressful, change is stressful, being away from your friends is stressful, and having to geberate a whole new social network is extremely stressful for introverts. My point is, don't be too hard on yourself. What you are dealing with right now is not insignificant by any stretch of the imagination.
> 
> I feel for you (I've been there myself), but once you have jumped this (huge) hurdle, you will have learned so much.


This is true. I should probably relax for a second, lol


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