# nothing motivates me(lonely INFP)



## Angerona (Feb 2, 2010)

OK so my story is quite long..I'll try not to be boring:
I was in love (or still am since October ) with an INTP (I think) ..we went out on and off.. he tells me I'm not the right person for him if he things rationally ..but when he is beside me he feels something else.. but he can't take a decission based on his feelings ..so .. sometimes he seem so nice and caring..and others do cold... he breaks my heart bit by bit... I don't know why is so hard to let him go..maybe because I know he didn't gave me a real chance ..

I feel that this happens to me often over the last few years..and I am so tired..

it's hard being an INFP with problems .. It seems that nothing motivates me anymore and that I am lost now more than ever.. I feel lonely..I'm needy.. I can't really smile with all my heart(even if I try to when I am with my friends..something is missing) .. I know I'm not supposed to be like this.. but this is what I am feeling and..I don't know how to fix it..how to fix me )

Sometimes I feel that if only I had someone..someone to care and be beside me..then that will give me wings..and anything else won't matter ..I would be able to do anything 

oh well.. basically I am asking for a good word or an advice on how to get more motivated (send me to a psychologist if you think that is what I have to do  ) ..I just need to get out of this state because I feel I'm drowning ..


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## Capsicum (Mar 17, 2010)

I think you're going through what a lot of people do at one time or another. I'd guess you're in your late teens.

This INTP doesn't sound like he knows what he wants... that's not good for a relationship. This is a steep learning curve but it's something that you can learn from.

Getting you motivated and out of the deep funk you're in isn't easy... you'll have to find something you enjoy and do it.



> I can't really smile with all my heart


ISTPs almost never do this so I can't help with that. :tongue:


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## Angerona (Feb 2, 2010)

Unfortunately I am not in my late teens..I'm older..yes he does know..when he is far away from me he thinks that I am not good enough (or something like that) ..in the end I think my problem is not only about him..but about how I can't really have a stable relationship ..when I need it most..and that I reached a point where I am lost(no love no career ..don't really know which way to go).. Now that I write about it it all seem so silly ..and I can't explain why I am feeling so down and so lonely..it's seems like everybody figured everything out..and I can't


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## Sanity (Jan 2, 2010)

Angerona said:


> Unfortunately I am not in my late teens..I'm older..yes he does know..when he is far away from me he thinks that I am not good enough (or something like that) ..in the end I think my problem is not only about him..but about how I can't really have a stable relationship ..when I need it most..and that I reached a point where I am lost(no love no career ..don't really know which way to go).. Now that I write about it it all seem so silly ..and I can't explain why I am feeling so down and so lonely..it's seems like everybody figured everything out..and I can't




I'm on the same boat with you, i haven't achieved anything in my life, other people in my age are already on their way to the top or whatever and have established long term relationships, have cars, houses and all that other shit.Sometimes it gets the best of me and it's really destroying my selfesteem, somehow i have managed to get a little shelter and food and a shitty job, and somehow i am surviving.


I really don't know either, which way to go, i know it sounds bullshit, but follow your heart and you will have all you need in your life, its hard at the beginning, seems like everyone has abandoned you and nobody's there to help but it's going to be allright, you just have to trust yourself.In the end, the only one who really gets the life you want, is you and the attitude you carry along the way, matters a lot, there is no doubt about that.

So, have faith and don't put yourself down too many times, look back and learn, for the future no doubt will be on your side.


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## kingcarcas (Mar 23, 2010)

If they are cold to you then it doesn't seem like the right person..


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## Capsicum (Mar 17, 2010)

Angerona said:


> Unfortunately I am not in my late teens..I'm older..yes he does know..when he is far away from me he thinks that I am not good enough (or something like that) ..in the end I think my problem is not only about him..but about how I can't really have a stable relationship ..when I need it most..and that I reached a point where I am lost(no love no career ..don't really know which way to go).. Now that I write about it it all seem so silly ..and I can't explain why I am feeling so down and so lonely..it's seems like everybody figured everything out..and I can't


Imho, your problem seems circular:

INTP is cold --> you get upset --> you need someone to comfort you --> which should be the INTP

So you could perhaps look for comfort from someone else, as opposed to the INTP.

Though I don't know if my example helped. :mellow:


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## Angerona (Feb 2, 2010)

I am trying to..get comfort for someone else..it seems no one is here..I am not ugly..I am not stupid..I am really kind.. but it seems that no one sees me..I don't know.. all my friends have somebody ..I wonder..what about me? ..why is so difficult for me? ) maybe I'm too picky..it must be something wrong with me..

I feel lonely ..
does anybody knows another site..or a book..or..anything else that could make me feel better?probably I just need attention..


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

> I was in love (or still am since October ) with an INTP (I think) ..we went out on and off.. he tells me I'm not the right person for him if he things rationally ..but when he is beside me he feels something else.. but he can't take a decission based on his feelings ..so .. sometimes he seem so nice and caring..and others do cold... he breaks my heart bit by bit... I don't know why is so hard to let him go..maybe because I know he didn't gave me a real chance ..


I can identify with this- both sides actually. INTP runs hot and cold. With weakly developed Fe, he probably does not understand the effects of his behavior on you. Being in love is like being addicted to drugs. If he gives you a little niceness that makes you feel high. But when he withdraws his affection it is so painful. I know very well about the intensity of these feelings, but it is just your brains on drugs. My suggestion is that you kick this habit if you haven't already. Tell him that you like him but his behavior breaks your heart so you don't want to see him anymore. You'll get over him and once you do you'll probably feel a little better.


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

For the rest, erm, I was trying to come up with something helpful but I don't have much else. I have struggled with feelings like this for years and I'm afraid any advice I could give would be kind of trite. Find some friends, get some sunshine, seek counseling, you know. I just take it as par for the course in life, and remember that bad feelings will not last forever nor do they accurately represent reality.


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## Angerona (Feb 2, 2010)

thanks so much..it's interesting to hear this from an INTP ..yes..it's true


> Being in love is like being addicted to drugs. If he gives you a little niceness that makes you feel high.


 if I think about saying : "I don't want to hear from you anymore..I don't want to see you" it scares me so bad.. maybe it's like withdrawal  I need some help )

yeah.. it will be horrible ...
I don't want to be addicted ..I just want to be numb..I don't want to feel anything 
If only I could stop myself from calling him ..


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

It might be easier if you explain your feelings then tell him not to call for a couple of months. Then it doesn't seem so much like a final goodbye. Once the feelings settle down you might even be able to be friends, but that would risk you falling for him again. Does he say why he thinks you are not compatible?


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## Angerona (Feb 2, 2010)

yes..he says that when he is with me he want's to hug me and hold me in his arms..and he sometimes he feels the same when we are apart(not very often) but if he things rationally he knows that I am not the right women for him ..if he is being objective..he doesn't sees me as the person he'll have kids with because I am not as ambitious as he is about my career this days and because I put to much thought and feeling in a relationship ..then in other things ..

yeah..maybe he won't call if i ask him too..but I don't know about me..I have to stop calling too.. and I sometimes feel strong..and know that I shouldn't but other times I feel so weak and sad and lonely..and I just need to talk to him

I am pathetic ..


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## la musa candido (Feb 19, 2010)

i didn't read many other responses so i hope no one else already gave this for advice. with that said...

u can't love anybody till u truly love yourself, so my advice is to focus on you right now. also, usually if people aren't _looking_ , then love finds _them._ 

another thing to rememer is if you keep getting the wrong guys, the common denominator is you. maybe you are looking at the wrong ones for you. a lot of people are attracted to others that they aren't necessarily compatible with, and compatibility is crucial. attraction is important too but if two partners are in seperate courts, then how are they supposed to play the game? it's over before it has even started. i think u should find out as much about yourself as u can and figure out what's most compatable and most effecient in the long run for you.


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Honey, he's playing you, even if he doesn't want to admit it. I've been on both sides of this. I know what it's like to want someone who will never commit to you, and I know what it's like to not want to let a person go even when I know I won't commit to them. A real man makes decisions. If he doesn't want you, then he needs to stop telling you he likes holding you. He's not holding you, he's holding you back. I put the blame on him. You just gotta be tough and get through this. A real man makes people better, not worse; even after he leaves.


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## Angerona (Feb 2, 2010)

> A real man makes people better, not worse; even after he leaves.


such beautiful words..Thank you so much .. I'm sure he is not a bad man..he just doesn't like me enough.. and it makes me sad..and I ask myself: what is my problem then?.. 
yeah..he wasn't to guy for me.. the real man for me ..is somewhere I just have to find him..

yeah I should just forget about everything and focus on me.. but it feels so lonely and sad..and I'm scared..because I lay in bad all day and it's like nothing motivates me.. nothing is interesting enough to do..I hope this period will end up soon..

thanks for your words everybody


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## lalalalalalalala (Apr 4, 2010)

Just go out and do stuff- anything. That's how you get motivated, don't think about it. Just do it.


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