# INTJ friendship/relationship with ENFJ



## Chris Gill (Oct 3, 2011)

Hello all, I recently started getting to know this girl and after a few short, but deep conversations I thought she was an ENFJ. I asked her and sure enough, she is. I myself am an INTJ. When we first had a deep conversation, I was instantly drawn towards her. I have lots of "friends" but as an INTJ I'm usually unsatisfied hanging out with them because of their small talk and just because I am around too many of my friends at once usually. I prefer smaller groups of friends or just being with friends individually. Anyway, I absolutely love talking to this new friend of mine and she seems to enjoy talking to me as well. She was surprised that I picked out her type from the very little that we had talked, but I'm an INTJ so its not that amazing . I just feel like I could talk to this person forever. So what kind of experiences does anyone else have with INTJ and ENFJ relationships, whether they are friendships or relationships? I think it could be pretty good, but I haven't seen much about that pairing on here. 
Please share! :happy:


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## Einstein (Aug 10, 2011)

I have the same question.


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## Donovan (Nov 3, 2009)

what experiences do we have with INTJ's? or ENFJ's? or the actual experience that occurs when the two are paired (outside perspective)?


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## Einstein (Aug 10, 2011)

I was wondering about the experiences intjs have with enfjs and vice versa.


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## Iselia (Jun 4, 2011)

Oh the INTJ/ENFJ relationship. I'm hoping to have one myself soon. 

Communication can be... difficult at times. Mostly the whole Fe/Te clash. We've both liked one another for a while now, but nothing is happening. It's frustrating. I think it has to do with him still not being able to read me 100% of the time. I'm unemotional, distant, and prefer blunt, direct communication. He's the complete opposite. He always expects emotional/physical validation. But really, he's one of the most intelligent, sweet, thoughtful people I know. And I just adore him for some reason, which seems difficult to place.


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## Chris Gill (Oct 3, 2011)

So I've been reading up on this a little in a book I just got, Please Understand me II. It says that relationships between NTs and NFs have potential to be good because the types share abstract communication, but are different in their styles of using tools to achieve goals. The NT Rationals are more interested in the utility of the tools and the NFs are more interested in interpersonal cooperation. For me personally, I find myself very attracted to people that I can communicate and share ideas with and NFs are relatively easy to do that with. The book says that SPs and SJs (Artisans and Guardians) make up approximately 85% of potential mates, so the likelihood that you will find a mate with the same mode of communication as yourself is greatly decreased when you are a NT or NF (Rational or Idealist). There is just generally more attraction between temperaments that communicate the same way, more so than whether or not they use tools in the same way. 

Going back to speak specifically about ENFJs, one concern that I would have is whether or not they would be able to give adequate personal attention to an INTJ. The introversion and extroversion difference might be somewhat of a cause for conflict. This would also depend on the degree to which the individuals are introverted or extroverted. I'll continue with my research and observations and try to understand this more thoroughly.


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## YUI (Jul 13, 2011)

I have two ENFJ friends, and they are the people I get best along with. One I'm closer to, is very sweet and I enjoy talking with her. She do not gossip, do not like hearing gossip, and as far as I know, she's loyal. We share interests like science, and we both like to learn and gather new information. 

Aside from that, if I had to mention somewhere we meet each others walls, is the fact that she's the kind of person who often needs reassurance. She's kind of afraid at failing, and therefore avoid doing things. Also, she needs to feel accepted by people, and tends to get upset when she feels the opposite.


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## sopranoemilyann (Oct 22, 2011)

I am an ENFJ dating (and madly in love with!) an INTJ. I was actually surprised to find out that he was not an "F" personality---he is extremely affectionate and warm. The first "T" tendency I noted was the first time I cried after a stressful day. He had no idea where the tears were coming from! It was almost humorous to me when I needed to explain WHY I was crying. Other than that, I think we compliment each other quite well. We are both intellectuals and on similar careerpaths, and are therefore able to demonstrate respect and competency toward each others' passions.

What ticks him off: When I make an impulsive decision that leads to wasted time or energy.
What ticks me off: When he gets angry at me for getting emotional.
What makes it work: The fact that we KNOW and are AWARE of each others' tendencies & the fact that we view our differences as compliments instead of detractions from our relationship.


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## Einstein (Aug 10, 2011)

How did your relationship start?


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## sopranoemilyann (Oct 22, 2011)

We go to the same college, and it was almost "love at first sight", as ridiculous as that was. I was listening to music in our school's computer lab, and I looked at him and said "listen to this." We became friends & had a lot of conversations over coffee, although we both knew it was only a matter of time until we took our friendship to the next level.


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