# Identity for SJs



## EmmaGilbert (Jul 31, 2013)

Just out of curiosity, what would you say is the one characteristic about yourself that you wish were stronger -- that you wish were your defining characteristic? And why? In what way do you exhibit that characteristic already, and how do you wish you would exhibit it?


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## rkm4011 (Jul 15, 2014)

Most of the time I wish I didn't care as much as I do. I can really get hung up on a lot of negative comments/judgement or just bad experiences. I over analyze it and make it personal. I'd really like to be able to just shrug off things.


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## Fian767 (Jul 16, 2014)

I would say I wish I'm more creative. Usually I would do a certain task a certain way and stick to it. I don't usually experiment unless I haven't already found the most efficient method possible. I already show some creativity when I _try_ to find new ways to complete my chores, for example, but if it prove to ineffective I will simply give up and stay to the method that works.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

I would like to be more dependable. 

There is a story from an older friend of mine that I think better outlines what I'm saying: 

When my friend was in his 20s (over 30 years ago), he became very heavily involved with cocaine. After two years of regular abuse, he had a realization that unless he got out of the lifestyle, he was going to die of an overdose some day. After much anxiety (he couldn't go to his social circle for help, as they were all users like himself), he finally turned to his work manager, a woman he described as "firm but understanding."

He went into her office and told her in vague terms that he'd gotten into some stuff and needed to get out of it. Without questioning him on the details, his manager immediately agreed to help. She arranged for him to be transferred to an out-of-state branch of the company, and connected him with a new group of people living in the relocation area before he moved.

He said her actions to help him most probably saved his life. 


I would very much like to be someone like that manager. Someone who is both trustworthy and dependable.

I currently do something similar, but on a smaller (and more ESTJ-ish) scale. People often come to me when they're having trouble with an emotionally charged situation/problem. I'm good at looking at the problem from a less emotional perspective and offering good advice about how to resolve the issue.

The primary struggle is that although I will go above and beyond for people who want to help themselves, I have almost zero tolerance for people who prefer to play victim, and just want others to fix their problems while they complain, both about your help and their situation.

Basically, it's a very fine line. People who are in trouble aren't always consistent in their behavior, and it can be hard to deal with the back and forth nature (which happens a lot).

So maybe what's truly needed is more patience?


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## rkm4011 (Jul 15, 2014)

Dumaresq said:


> So maybe what's truly needed is more patience?


I think that sums it up nicely.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

rkm4011 said:


> i think that sums it up nicely.


lol.


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