# Men, what attracts you at a women?



## zynkiro (Oct 26, 2010)

SassyPJs24 said:


> What place is that? Most virgin, Christian girls I know don't go around talking about how much they love sex...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



you're right , I think men we are partly to blame along with the media with the "madness" of the majority of women with the search body like most modern symbols of beauty, personally I appreciate more a model of normal beauty that modern stereotypes.


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## Pachacutie (Aug 27, 2010)

To be entirely honest, I don't think it's really fair to ask men what attracts them and then get angry when they state their opinion.


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## brb (Oct 28, 2010)

> To be entirely honest, I don't think it's really fair to ask men what attracts them and then get angry when they state their opinion.


Thank you!


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

SassyPJs24 said:


> You might not want to promote it, but holding women to a waifer-thin standard (even if you promote them achieving it in a healthy way) is perpetuating the already-unrealistic societal ideals.
> 
> 
> 
> Every girl tries to achieve these... but we never think we're thin enough, and hearing that boys actually prefer these things makes us feel down on ourselves.



This is what Lion fish quoted:

Slim Body
Small tight butt.
Slim legs.
Toned belly.
Round and medium to small breasts.
Slim arms.

Sassy, Lion Fish and others like him can go ahead and have their stereotypical and boring wish lists. I don't try to achieve any of this, and I never have. I aim for a healthy body, which for me, means that I am naturally curvaceous. I am at a healthy weight, but I don't have a "small tight butt", and I most certainly, have neither the "medium to small breasts" nor the "slim arms". I take a lot of pride in my wide hips, my big ass, my full squishy breasts that will sag very nicely at some point, and my robust, somewhat muscular arms, soccer legs and magnificently scarred body. I am not going to bother with the rest of the list. Years back as an overweight kid who was frequently ridiculed for being "fat" , "disgusting" and "ugly", I knew that I was going to define my own highly inclusive, respectful and non-discriminatory perception of beauty and health, and never give a flying rat's ass about what anyone/society as a whole thinks. Beauty comes in all sizes, indeed. The whole inanity about preferences aside, having such stringent measures for defining what you see as beauty in a potential mate is something that I want to go back and add to my "Red Flags" list thread. 

I hope you'll find the right person for you Lion fish, and I hope if you were attracted to the personality, intellect, values and principles of a woman who did not meet your physical attributes wish-list, that you would have the presence of mind to discard the laundry list you provided here, and develop a reformed perspective and honour her for who she is as a person and not fixate on the size and shape of her breasts, butt, belly and arms.

P.S. @Mutatio NOmenis, I loved what you described in this thread. I read, elsewhere, that you felt sexy people knew they were powerful, and you knew you were not. Others only have as much power over you, as allow you them have. When you know you are powerful and actualize it, its yours and yours alone, not something that can be taken away. With your answer in this thread, you have earned my respect. I wish more men, your age, thought like you.


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## Lion Fish (Dec 21, 2010)

Didnt come here to argue. Iz asked and i gave. I cant please everyone, i know that i'm picky, being an INFP thats almost wired into me. Also i never said that thin was the only thing that was beautiful. I only said that was my preference. There is a very big difference there. Will i get everything on that list, most likely not. It would be cool but i'm not expecting that. 

Anyway i dont want to go off topic of Izabella's thread here. Please carry on. I'll be leaving seeing as i'm not wanted.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Lion Fish said:


> Didnt come here to argue. Iz asked and i gave. I cant please everyone, i know that i'm picky, being an INFP thats almost wired into me. Also i never said that thin was the only thing that was beautiful. I only said that was my preference. There is a very big difference there. Will i get everything on that list, most likely not. It would be cool but i'm not expecting that.
> 
> Anyway i dont want to go off topic of Izabella's thread here. Please carry on. I'll be leaving seeing as i'm not wanted.


My post wasn't meant to antagonize you. I am going to be very honest about my opinions, and I was just and respectful in my response. 

I want to emphasize, especially, for the ladies, that as a woman who has been called every name in the book for being overweight as a child and up to the age 15, I have come to strong and irreversible conclusions on the importance of accepting and honouring human bodies in every shape, starting with my own. We do not need to meet anyone's criteria for beauty. There should be no criteria. That is the point of my post. 

Of course, you have a right to express yourself and by doing so, you have also allowed others to comment upon your thoughts. Try not to take things personally.


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

*My list...*

In terms of physical characteristics, I prefer a woman to be at neither weight extreme,e.g. anorexics where bones are sticking out or morbidly obese at 600 lbs or more. The overall style of hair, face and curves are also important but not nearly as easy to quantify what works and doesn't work for me.

The bigger question is what kind of dynamics do I see. Is she empathetic? Does she have a similar sense of humor? Can I easily have a conversation that seems to be interesting to be of us? Those are my basic things.

I rarely make the first move as I just don't take that chance that often. In group situations I may try things but there I got backup.

As for sex, the key here becomes how far did we get so far and do I believe this would be agood idea? As a Christian, pre-martial sex is frowned upon ya know.

Turn off - Smoking or drinking. Rude, disrespectful, cruel, unkind, mean, nasty, vicious. The appearance of "High Maintenance" lifestyle.

Turn on - Chatty in a way that shows senstivity and compassion. Have the odd laugh but know how to change gears from happy to sad to angry at times. Intelligence that can match me move for move.
What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?

Let her buy me a drink and ask some interesting questions to get the ball rolling and then at the end collect my number so she can call me later if she wants to go out again. I can dream at least, right/


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## Thrifty Walrus (Jul 8, 2010)

It's pointless to do a list of characteristics because every time I do that I see/find someone that is the complete opposite of what I thought I wanted. Soooo I guess the opposite of whatever I think I want at the time


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## peterbreter (Oct 5, 2010)

Honestly, my interests throughout the years have been all over the spectrum when it comes to physical characteristics. I'd say one constant is that I am attracted to women that are under 160 lbs and maybe even less than that. Other than that, though: tall, short, dark, light, busty, petite, long legs, short legs. I can't help it: it's just how my brain/heart work. 

Personality wise, just don't be over the top religious or umm, how do I put this, dumb.


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## SassyPJs24 (Jan 27, 2010)

portionsforfoxes said:


> To be entirely honest, I don't think it's really fair to ask men what attracts them and then get angry when they state their opinion.


 This is very true. I'm sorry to come across as angry. I posted because I was hoping to add a buffer for any girls who might read that list and think badly of themselves. 

I have done some modeling, and I used to be a dancer, and I have dealt with too many girls who starve themselves because it's "what guys like." So to hear a guy stating those preferences aloud (or on a forum, whatever) was disheartening. 



hazelwitch said:


> I want to emphasize, especially, for the ladies, that as a woman who has been called every name in the book for being overweight as a child and up to the age 15, I have come to strong and irreversible conclusions on the importance of accepting and honouring human bodies in every shape, starting with my own. We do not need to meet anyone's criteria for beauty. There should be no criteria. That is the point of my post.
> .


This is very true. Men can have their preferences on what is physically attractive, some pickier than others, but it is DEFINITELY the inside that counts. Besides, everyone gets old and saggy eventually. I think a lot of men that posted on this thread already understand this, and the others will learn. 

Sorry for derailing Izabella! This is really about what the guys have to say, so carry on.


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## Dupree (Feb 21, 2010)

I prefer open-mindedness and require sincerity. That's all I ask for.


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

SassyPJs24 said:


> I have done some modeling, and I used to be a dancer, and I have dealt with too many girls who starve themselves because it's "what guys like." So to hear a guy stating those preferences aloud (or on a forum, whatever) was disheartening.
> 
> 
> This is very true. Men can have their preferences on what is physically attractive, some pickier than others, but it is DEFINITELY the inside that counts. Besides, everyone gets old and saggy eventually. I think a lot of men that posted on this thread already understand this, and the others will learn.
> ...


Hello!

Thank you SassyPJs , it's fine :happy:

I am a dancer for almost 2 years, an amateur salsa dancer and I see a lot of things regarding the attraction and interaction between women and man.
It's ok for all of us to have different taste and looking for something at the person of the opposite sex.
We are so different. I do understand you and what you wrote. 

This is about what the guys have to say and said so far, but also to help us to see that some like more the physical part (parts maybe we like), others the way we act/think/ are and some both.

Great answers guys, don't stop! :happy:

I made a similar thread for us women to write what we want, so if you like, you can jump in! :happy:


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

Lion Fish said:


> Didnt come here to argue. Iz asked and i gave. I cant please everyone, i know that i'm picky, being an INFP thats almost wired into me. Also i never said that thin was the only thing that was beautiful. I only said that was my preference. There is a very big difference there. Will i get everything on that list, most likely not. It would be cool but i'm not expecting that.
> 
> Anyway i dont want to go off topic of Izabella's thread here. Please carry on. I'll be leaving seeing as i'm not wanted.



Please don't leave!

We like a thread that comes to live and I like you for sharing your preference.

Have a nice day Lion Fish! :happy:


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Izabella said:


> Where can I find YOU?



In the Northern Virginia area.


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> Where can I find you?


I live in Europe, Romania.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

^ Gah! I'm going to be in Germany briefly over the summer. Then I'm off to college. Potentially, I will be able to get to an area near Romania.

P.S.: There's a guy in the debate section which claims that European Socialism has run itself into bankruptcy. How is a more socialized system working out for you?


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## timwaagh (Dec 1, 2010)

just because you haven't got two lines of 20000 to choose from, does not mean you don't need to have standards, is what my grandpa used to say. Or maybe he didn't say that and said 'can I have a cognac?' instead. but it matters little. 

standards
physical
slim. I am not saying skinny (although it would not be a turnoff), but i am not a fan of too much chubbyness. I'd say if she is at or below 27% fat that would be peachy. above that, I cannot be sure. if she'd have a bit more than i'd like and she agrees, and likes to sport then that is great too, because i want to lose some lbs myself. we could work out together. this should be more than enough. 
not a smoker. I'd lose my lunch just thinking about spending time in her 'cloud'. 

stuff I find attractive
physical
pretty face
pretty hair on the head
a nice smile
a good set of teeth
shiny skin
a bit of muscle
a bit of definition at the jawline
(oh well i guess girls know how to be attractive, at least a lot of them do)

mental
a nice girl (lovers have to be great friends too)
not too dominant 
positive
laughs a lot
patience
has a healthy sexual apetite
likes sports
likes to chat about stuff

A long list. And each time i fall in love I always find that there are loads more qualities to admire than just these.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> ^ Gah! I'm going to be in Germany briefly over the summer. Then I'm off to college. Potentially, I will be able to get to an area near Romania.
> 
> P.S.: There's a guy in the debate section which claims that European Socialism has run itself into bankruptcy. How is a more socialized system working out for you?


Ugh. My ex husband is from Romania. Most of them want to come here. It's not working out so good.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> Ugh. My ex husband is from Romania. Most of them want to come here. It's not working out so good.


Helo- I'm e-friending a woman from Romania.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> Ugh. My ex husband is from Romania. Most of them want to come here. It's not working out so good.


Where did you hear that most Romanians want to emigrate to the United States?


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

^ She didn't do the research.


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## sea cucumber (Oct 14, 2010)

LOL! most random thread ever.............I have Romanian ancesters. 

In the interest of freedon of speach, I think the guys should say what they like. Just say it!


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

If you can please remain on topic, thank you.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

Ok I am going to give this a try.

Do you show/tell her?
Not completely sure what is being asked. But eventually I would need to tell my friends or they will assume I am still single.
What makes you want to try to have sex with her?
Usually depends on a combination of physical attraction, chemistry, and whether I am comfortable with her.
What is a turn off?
creationism and no sense of humor are the only two I can think of at the moment.
What is a turn on?
Nice eyes, Dark hair, and some times glasses. Would like to list more but not sure how to verbally describe all the variations of certain things.
What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?
No idea tell you the truth except not ignore my existence(which happens 98% of the time) 

Sorry tried analyzing all the various women I have been attracted to in the past but still not completely sure to why or what I am attracted to. Guess what I put down is kind of a extremely rough sketch.:frustrating:


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## Obsidean (Mar 24, 2010)

SassyPJs24 said:


> Geez, picky... good luck finding a girl who is waiting for marriage and knows she loves sex.
> Also girls tend to get eating disorders because of guys like you :/


This thread is called "Men, what attracts you at a women [sic]"

Its not called "Judge people for what they like in a woman"


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Personality all the way! If chemistry is there, that is really all that matters. But general physical attraction is a must.. from both sides, of course.


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## stonecutter (Jan 1, 2011)

SassyPJs24 looks and talks like my kind of girl :wink:
But to answer the original question(s)...I'm not going to describe the single type of girl that attracts me, but some things I have observed about myself.

Appearance is important. Not just physical attributes, but body language. Seductive posture and eye conctact is usually what catches my attention first. From there, I need some additional reassurance that she is interested. I'm not the personality type to want to make a major first move, so it's essential to receive some sign that she wants me too. Confidence is a turn on, but only if it seems justified. Ultimately self-awareness is what I find really attractive. If I see signs that a girl is introspective, I get turned on by that. Over-confidence is a serious turn-off. Facial expressions, mostly generated from the eyes, are really important means of understanding what a girl is thinking and whether or not I should bother moving forward. If I am talking to a girl, it is a turn-on for her to move closer to me. It sounds like a really simple thing, but just any small sign that she likes being around me is nice. I don't usually show my own thoughts and feelings much when I'm just talking (consequence of the INTP personality), but I usually smile and use eye contact to let a girl know I'm interested in her. As far as relationship vs. just sex...I'm someone who believes sex can be a passionate, intimate interaction that can occur without need for further partnership or lead to a longterm relationship. Sex is good either way, as long as both parties are into it and have some clue as to what it may lead to.

I hope this incoherent piece of self-observation helps at least a little, Izabella :happy:


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

stonecutter said:


> I hope this incoherent piece of self-observation helps at least a little, Izabella :happy:


It does!
Thank you! :happy:


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Mkay, I don't know if this counts as off topic or not, but I had to post after reading some of this crap.

As someone else said, how can you asks their opinion and then attack them for it?

Men don't 'cause self-consciencesness or self-hatred or any of the crap. YOU just like to blame them for it. I'm sorry your sole purpose in life is to please the opposite sex, but don't blame them for wanting a petite girl. We all know there are men out their who like curvy girls, LOOK FOR THEM instead of expecting the bad boy hottie to fall in love with your "curves" and fiesty attitude. Better yet, STOP TRYING TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE AND LIVE OR YOURSELF. Of course you want a significant other, but when you obsess over your physical appearance for that purpose and that purpose only, you're only harming yourself and blaming a male is childish and idiotic.

As cheesy as it is, if a guy likes you, it won't really matter what you look like.

So shut the fuck up about "unfair" standards and all that bullshit already.


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## sea cucumber (Oct 14, 2010)

Monte said:


> Mkay, I don't know if this counts as off topic or not, but I had to post after reading some of this crap.
> 
> As someone else said, how can you asks their opinion and then attack them for it?
> 
> ...


So agreed. I don't blame men for women that starve them selves or hate how they look. I could'nt blame, men for wanting what they find attractive.
The interesting thing about this thread would have been to see the massive varition in what guys want.

I want thin, I like small boobs, the next guys likes big butts and a nice smile. I was interested in seeing how diffrent all the guys are. 
We won't be abe to get honest responses off them if they are critisied. I think it was origionayl done as a defence, and not agains the guys. It was done in a nice way but I don't thing it was view shared by others so I guess it backfired
I didnt really see the defence of women as nesessary, so If I were a man t we seem to be a little bit of an anti man response, somthing for the record would be a masive turn off if I were a man. 

This is going off topic and Im sorry Izabella.
So I will try and save it so if I were a man, I like girls

Not to tall or to short
long hair dark hair is nicer
meduim sized boobs
slim but with a cury shape, I like a bit of meat, a bit of nicely places wobble and toned in the rest
Nice smile and pretty eyes
qurky dress sence nothing to standard
good legs and nice round butt
ha ha turns out Im my own Ideal woman!!! Realy sorry for that Izzabella. I just posted early because I felt really strongly guys should just say what they want!


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## Darkestblue (Apr 19, 2010)

I fall for all kinds of different women, so there's really no use for putting a list together of what I specifically like in a woman. Kinda like Thrifty said, I think I like one thing, but then I find myself falling for a woman who's not like that. All that matters is that I feel some kind of connection or vibe towards her.


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## incision (May 23, 2010)

Men, what attracts you at a women?

Have to giggle at the preposition "at". Freudian in that men are traditionally considered the pursuers!


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## Cephalonimbus (Dec 6, 2010)

Physically, i suppose i mostly fall for dark-haired white women with a fairly slim yet curvaceous figure, medium height, delicate facial features, slightly pale skin with rosy cheeks, elegant and graceful body language... but i've also felt very attracted to women with other attributes so it's nothing more than a slight preference.
That being said, there are some turn-ons: i love nice round & firm butts and hips and perky breasts though... also, belly, hands and wrists, neck, collarbones and shoulders... But a beautiful smile and lively, twinkling eyes are the most attractive features to me. Some women just have a certain "vibe" that i find immediately enchanting but it's impossible to describe... i think it's a combination of body language and a look in their eyes.

But despite this substantial list of preferences, i'm really not that picky when it comes to looks. Attraction to me is tightly interconnected with personality: you can be far from perfect and still be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

On the non-physical level... that's hard to pin down but i'll give it a shot. I'm always immediately attracted to women who make me feel comfortable by being non-judgmental and sincere, with whom i have a quick emotional click, who are reasonably intelligent and have a broad range of interests, who seem like a kind person and have a certain enthousiasm and confidence that suggests they're a strong-willed and positive person.

I also have a bad habit of being attracted to women who are already taken


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## 3053 (Oct 14, 2009)

Lion Fish said:


> Some qualities i find attractive in women but not in any particular order-
> 
> Physical:
> Eyes that have depth.
> ...


Wow, this really put a smile on my face.

I'm a slim girl with barely any 'curves' and I am so sick of hearing men (and women themselves) going on about how much better it is to be a 'real woman' with curves. It's not just big girls that feel uncomfortable with their shape sometimes, I mean I feel like such a little boy with my petite frame at times. There is nothing worse than going out to a club and seeing all these girls that are like BANG BANG in your face with their boobs and asses and being left there feeling like a little girl who men will just rarely look at.

Oh and I totally respect the whole sex before marriage thing. If I found someone who I really loved that wanted to wait, I totally would. 

You have made my night.


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

Monte said:


> Mkay, I don't know if this counts as off topic or not, but I had to post after reading some of this crap.
> 
> As someone else said, how can you asks their opinion and then attack them for it?
> 
> ...


You are both right and wrong.

People, teenagers copy people. They find role models in family, friends and media.
Our education (home, school, social), experiences..... makes us who we are. Children grow up watching they bigger brother/sister and almost every time tries to do thing that him/her does. There is more than one tv shows and psychology research that backs me up on this. 

I see that in the dance class/room where I work and at the parties we organize, people imitate others in almost everything (how they talk, dance, behave, socialize with others). I'm not an instructor, but I always say to the advanced class that how they behave that's the way their younger colleagues will be. Trust me, it's a cycle.

You can't say those things about* SassyPJs24, *we don't know her. More than one said that they don't agree with what she said and she wrote an apologize for being offtopic.

I suggest that someone open a thread about what it's fair and what's not fair in/about relationships, stereotypes, etc.​ 
Good for you for being stronger than others! It's really a great thing!!

Every single person has the right to his opinion, preferences.
My math teacher always said to me : It's an opinion, your opinion. I'll decide if it's true for me.

I'll back you up on "If a guy likes you, it won't really matter what you look like." or at least, it shouldn't matter.

Thank you for your answer!


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

sea cucumber said:


> This is going off topic and Im sorry Izabella.
> So I will try and save it so if I were a man, I like girls
> 
> Not to tall or to short
> ...


Thanks!! :laughing:

And true, guys should just say what they want!!


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## Martini (Dec 9, 2009)

*Do you show/tell her? *
Oh, yes. Why hide my intention, as long as I am a gentleman about it?


*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?*

If I find her physical features attrative (differs for each woman) AND I want to connect with her at a deep level. Sex, to me, is a great way to 'bond' by appreciating mutual vulnerability - I would do it only with someone to whom I would be loyal after the deed. Why risk a possible inner emotional turmoil unless I like her enough to deal with it? 


*What is a turn off?*

Lack of sense of adventure, lack of independence, Lack of intelligence, submissive attitude, passive-aggressive personality, dishonesty, and bitchy attitude. If she treats others like a spoiled little brat, I will call her out on it. Am I asking for too much?


*What is a turn on?*

The opposites of the above. Having true kindness and compassion stirs up my soul, too! In addition, having an artistic stroke - and I don't mean a CVA :crazy: - is a huge bonus for me, because it shows her emotional depth which urges me to explore deeper and deeper into her. It also turns me on to listen to a woman ramble, as well as showing her insecurities. It's adorable, not childish. Last but not least, when she shows making an active effort to understand me back, I feel truly loved.


*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*

Honestly, be yourself. But, if you do like what you see, don't be hesitant forever - let yes be a yes and no a no. Be clear, for we're adults here. The whole 'if he likes me enough, he will keep chasing me' is NOT ok. That is a Disney princess attitude, and I consider it childish. Besides, if you do not reciprocate interest, I will leave you alone out of respect.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Izabella, I like your suggestion about starting a new thread on the subject of stereotypes, preferences and the like. 

*Monte:* For the record, it is ignorant, extremely inconsiderate and offensive to suggest that any woman who finds herself affected by social pressures to conform to certain ideals of beauty is an idiot who is trying to please men. This is gender neutral in at least one way. Lesbians face pressures similar to heterosexual women, as far as appearances go. I know that it's pointless to demonize men for creating the problem, and that wasn't suggested. There may be other deep-seated insecurities as to why some women are tormented into harming themselves in various ways to make themselves achieve unrealistic/unhealthy (un)fitness goals. Both men and women are responsible for endorsing these unrealistic standards. No body is blaming the entire male sex for women's body image issues. Your comment may have been directed at my post, as well. SassyPJs interjected with wonderful points, and it was very polite of her to acknowledge that she respected men's rights to communicate their preferences here, without judgment. I will consider starting a separate thread for this. Feel free to contribute to it.

I said very clearly that beauty comes in all sizes. I was very happy to read that *NeonBomb *felt pleased to read that there were men out there with a strong appreciation for a petite frame. Neon: I know many guys who adore slender, small-breasted women. Please continue to take pride in yourself. You are beautiful the way you are. 

I strongly believe that a woman's 'femininity' is unrelated to the size of ass and breasts. Being slender and small-breasted is just as beautiful as being curvaceous/voluptuous. Condemning and berating either body type is ridiculous and disrespectful, and this is what I strongly oppose and always will. At the same, trivializing the significant impact of social pressures that compel both men and women to conform to certain ideals and standards of beauty is highly insensitive and even demonstrates a clear lack of awareness. I have strongly resisted these pressures all my life to the point where they mean nothing to me. Everyone's journey is unique and some face more difficulties than others, in reaching a place where they can take pride in their bodies and be comfortable with themselves. The least you can do is not shame them for their struggles. 

Izabella, I apologize for the slight derail. I will be creating a separate thread soon, and anyone who wants to reply can join there. But, I could not hold myself back after reading that post. 

I request the men to carry on with posting their replies freely. 

Thanks for creating the threads Izabella, both for men and women:happy: They have promoted both conversation and debate.


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

hazelwitch said:


> Izabella, I apologize for the slight derail. I will be creating a separate thread soon, and anyone who wants to reply can join there. But, I could not hold myself back after reading that post.
> 
> I request the men to carry on with posting their replies freely.
> 
> Thanks for creating the threads Izabella, both for men and women:happy: They have promoted both conversation and debate.



No worries!
I think we are on topic in some way and this thread is alive because of conversations and debate, it's all good 

Can't wait for the new thread!


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Izabella said:


> No worries!
> I think we are on topic in some way and this thread is alive because of conversations and debate, it's all good
> 
> Can't wait for the new thread!


That's right. But, I am not particularly inclined to sparking off a heated debate about body image and relationships on your thread. That would be a major derail and could deter people from honestly answering your questions for fear of judgment. I will not facilitate that. It really should be geared towards men expressing themselves. There should be another avenue for exploring the issues I mentioned, with a specific focus. I will create the other thread in a bit. I am thinking of a title, and I am too sleepy to get much accomplished right now:wink:. Typing this paragraph was quite the ordeal:laughing:
*checks for typos*

I am glad you took it in the right spirit.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

I will add that I hate to see women wearing high heels because of the damage they do to her body. Stacks (shoes with cork platforms underneath) will give her extra height if she wants that, and I love it when a girl wears such for her pleasure. If she is 6'2", and wants to wear 4" of stacks, go for it. (For you metric people, that comes to about 198 cm). 
I like to see a woman care for her health first, beauty second. Being an ESFP, I hope she likes to have a good time!
Digger Blue:happy:


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## Hammerhand (Jul 24, 2010)

Disclaimer: Writing this while sleep-deprived, might be useful to some though =)

Well, while physics is the least concern (I do have some sort of 'standard', the rib is pretty 'low' though, if we go by the mainstream), dark hair, sweet tender eyes and a warm smile gets me every time =)

If we then add bit of quirkiness, kindness and openness and of course, patience. Then I'm going to have one hell of a time keeping my mind where it's supposed to be.

*Do you show/tell her?* 
As soon as/if I feel comfortable enough to, yes.

*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?* 
Wouldn't happen unless she is the one who is the 'aggressor' (unless I get urged on step by step, has happened once) I have a lot of stuff hidden somewhere in my head, 'natural aggression' being one of them, it's possible to lure it out though, just takes some patience.

*What is a turn off?*
Being 'rushed', I need my time, I need to feel all the stars align so to speak (for a 'first' time that is, otherwise I'm a lot more relaxed)

*What is a turn on?*
Women being open about what they want, first thing to spring to my mind atleast, there are a lot of other things of course.

*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*
If I'm hitting on a girl, I'd prefer to get a honest response since I'm horrible at picking up hints (unless it's really really obvious), a bit of optimism wouldn't be bad either =). If someone is hitting on me, try not to startle me 

Note to self: To not try to think to much when tired >.<


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Izabella,
I am an ESFP. My recommendation is that you learn to flirt. If you put reasonable effort into your hygiene, and learn to flirt, you will find a guy who likes you. Flirting is good for getting attention, breaking the ice, getting things starting. After you have his attention, you can take it to a deeper level, or wait and watch to learn about him, and see where he takes it. 
One caveat, however, not all women are good at flirting. Watch and discern if it is working for you. You don't want to over do it and come across as cheap. I'd take additional comments on this topic. 

Also, assuming you are quite young, the guy is likely quite inexperienced, too. He may have dated a bit, had sex before, etc., but that doesn't mean he knows diddley about being in a relationship. 
Regards,

Digger Blue


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@Digger
I am one of the women who don't know what flirting really is. I am fine the way I am, but what is it all about? I am very curious.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Flirting covers a huge bit of ground, but basically it is play that indicates you have an interest in that person. Some people flirt for the sake of flirting, say even after they are married to someone else. 
I had a widow walk up to me and touch my face with her hand in a rather adoring fashion. She was feeling sexy, and she knew I was married, and I enjoyed it. No harm done. 
One gal raised the pitch of her voice a bit and said, "Hello, Mister." That was a flirt. She said it in a really sexy way. Again, in this case, it was definitely inviting, but it was play, as she and I both knew I was married, and that I take that very seriously. 
Now there is flirting with someone you know, and there is flirting with someone you don't know at all, which is a different ballgame. 
If you are flirting with someone you know, but want to get to know better, you have much more room to operate without worrying about danger. If you want to get to know a guy that you don't know, you might flirt just a wee bit, and gather as much information in your interaction as you can, go slow for the sake of safety. You might want to pick your battlefield, too. I probably mentioned that to you before. You flirt in a bar, you can probably take him home to bed that night, and you know he's likely to drink as you found him in a bar. If you flirt with a guy in church, you know he can pray. If you flirt with a guy at a football game, you know that you may wind up a Sunday Afternoon Football Widow. 
Regards,
Digger Blue
:wink:


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

SassyPJs24 said:


> You might not want to promote it, but holding women to a waifer-thin standard (even if you promote them achieving it in a healthy way) is perpetuating the already-unrealistic societal ideals.
> 
> Every girl tries to achieve these... but we never think we're thin enough, and hearing that boys actually prefer these things makes us feel down on ourselves.


Speak for yourself.

As a thin woman, it makes me feel good to hear this. I don't find anything offensive about a guy preferring a slim body; not any moreso than one saying he prefers a thick figure on a woman. It's just more politically correct to say, "I like curves" (whatever that even means....seems even less realistic, IMO). Besides - why shouldn't thin women be appreciated? They shouldn't ever get to feel sexy or beautiful or desirable to someone else?


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

I posted in this thread already but didn't really give it a real answer... here goes nothing!


*Do you show/tell her?*
-Nope! I usually keep all my sexual thoughts to myself. I do make a lot of sexual jokes and have a crude sense of humor, but it's all in jest. I would feel like an animal if I was like, "I really want to pounce on you and rip your clothes off."

*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?*
-We would all be liars if we said physical/visual attraction had nothing to do with it. As long as she meets very minimum physical attributions then that's a start. But for me to want to have sex with her, she has to overwhelm my mind intellectually and just mindf*ck me. 

*What is a turn off?*
-Easy.

*What is a turn on?*
-She's being herself.. and I'll know. I can't think of anything sexier than a woman who is just being genuinely authentic to herself.

* What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*
Banter back. It's fun and arousing at the same time. To me, the intellectual stimulation and bantering is the craziest foreplay that can happen.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

OrangeAppled said:


> Speak for yourself.
> 
> As a thin woman, it makes me feel good to hear this. I don't find anything offensive about a guy preferring a slim body; not any moreso than one saying he prefers a thick figure on a woman. It's just more politically correct to say, "I like curves" (whatever that even means....seems even less realistic, IMO). Besides - why shouldn't thin women be appreciated? They shouldn't ever get to feel sexy or beautiful or desirable to someone else?


What are you saying?
Sassy may have generalized a bit, but nowhere has she said that thin women shouldn't be appreciated. Where are you getting that from? Her posts were not sizeist in the least. And it's common knowledge that a slim figure is highly regarded in society and often held as a standard to be lived up to. Of course, thinness isn't perfection still because a certain size of breasts etc. Comes into play making very petite women feel marginalized. I see that, and Sassy knows this, I am sure. 

There is still the issue of curvier women/ the average-sized woman being made to feel inadequate due to widely held and perfectionistic notions on beauty. Some fight the pressure better than others, but it is a problem. 

It is getting frustrating to see that a woman makes a comment suggesting that social standards requiring women to be thin, in order to be beautiful can cause serious problems for them (yes she generalized a bit, but everyone needs to get over it), and gets called out repeatedly. She even apologized and made clarifications. Nobody is saying that preferring a slim woman is bad. Lion fish's post gave a set of stringent requirements that went beyond ' I prefer a slim woman'. He said, himself, that it was quite picky. That's fine. Apologies were made for a derail, and it should end there. There may have been a sense of defensiveness in terms of curvier women, but some posts, including one I responded to (in defense of slim women -when no attack was made to begin with-) earlier are quite defensive. I have critiqued the offensiveness of one, already. Neon, in case you read this, I am not talking about your post. I am happy for you, as I said.

Why feel like slimness is under attack when it wasn't suggested? It's getting ridiculous. Who said that thin women shouldn't be appreciated? Calling for greater acceptance of curvier women is not an attack against thin women. I am quite offended that Sassy's post is brought up and criticized for things she didn't say, repeatedly. 

I want to make it clear that I am not responding on Sassy's behalf, and I respect her right to speak for herself. But, I agree with the spirit of her message and will uphold it even in her absence. Tall, short, curvy, thin, whatever we are all beautiful- this was the message. It should be clear by now.


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## Esmeralda (Jan 3, 2011)

OrangeAppled said:


> Speak for yourself.
> 
> As a thin woman, it makes me feel good to hear this. I don't find anything offensive about a guy preferring a slim body; not any moreso than one saying he prefers a thick figure on a woman. It's just more politically correct to say, "I like curves" (whatever that even means....seems even less realistic, IMO). Besides - why shouldn't thin women be appreciated? They shouldn't ever get to feel sexy or beautiful or desirable to someone else?


Exactly. It is ridiculous to argue that our preferences should somehow be responsible for the low self-esteem of others. Would that also mean we shouldn't be drawn to the physically attractive because of how it makes the unattractive feel? Or to the intelligent for the sake of those who lack smarts? There seems to be a prevailing attitude today that everybody should be a winner, that everybody deserves to be considered equal in all regards. I'm a thin girl as well and I accept the fact that most men are always going to be attracted to females with curves. I also accept the fact that some men have a fetish for morbidly obese women, even though being obese is extremely unhealthy. We can't choose what attracts us.

I don't really mean to criticise anyone in particular here, this issue just annoys me a little every time it comes up because people have a tendency to act as though thinness is some kind of culturally accepted symbol of attractiveness when the only place it is revered in is Hollywood. The average weight of men and women in the Western world is dangerously escalating and people are pointing to a minuscule percentile of people who either suffer from eating disorders or have a preference for thinness? I think some people need to get their priorities straight.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Ok, a new thread is in order. Izabella, I will create one now as I have a better sense of what it will be all about. It's about time.


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## Martin the ninja (Jan 1, 2011)

When my house messy and I get hungry, I generally hunt for a woman to sort out my problems.:happy:


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Martin the ninja said:


> When my house messy and I get hungry, I generally hunt for a woman to sort out my problems.:happy:


Sexist "jokes" are never funny. Please refrain from fouling the forum with your crap, thanks.


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## vt1099ace (Jun 8, 2009)

If there is something between the ears and behind the eyes...
when I/we can fall into an easy cadence of talk that lasts for hours before realising it..
when there's that anticipation and longing to talk more..
That is sexier to me than any set of legs, ass or hoots.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

vt1099ace said:


> If there is something between the ears and behind the eyes...
> when I/we can fall into an easy cadence of talk that lasts for hours before realising it..
> when there's that anticipation and longing to talk more..
> That is sexier to me than any set of legs, ass or hoots.


Very well said, and I couldn't agree more.


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## vastcat (Feb 7, 2010)

I think it depends a lot on the maturity, confidence and age of the guy. 

Most guys in high school and younger are looking for girls that enhance their social status among their friends. They want either a popular girl, sugar mama, or somebody who puts out enough to make their friends jealous.

After high school guys are attracted mostly to physical beauty and getting the most out of those high hormones. As long as she is hot, she can be a total bitch.

After college but before having an established career men tend to be totally ignored and rejected by women

By mid 30's and early 40's most guys have decent careers and have reached the point in their life when women find them most attractive. By that point they're either in relationships or bitter and broken by rejection from women while they were trying to establish themselves in their 20's so date women 10 to 15 years younger than they are.

My suggestion, don't worry so much about being attractive to men, there will always be enough fawning over you until you reach the point where you don't care about men at all anymore. What you should focus on is being a happy, nice, supportive and caring person and search for somebody else who is focusing on those same things. Looks, status and money may make you more attractive, but they don't make a happy and healthy relationship.


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## pacifythis (Jul 16, 2009)

*Do you show/tell her?
*If I am interested I definately find some way to show/tell her. By showing I mean that I become very aware of my body language and the signals I am putting out there. I think eyes say more than words ever could and thats what I'm usually paying most attention to. Subtle cues are where its at.

*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?
*Akward sex is definately something I try to avoid. So in order to avoid a few akward moments she has to be experienced. A girl that can take charge sometimes is very hot in my book. Sometimes I like REALLY like to initiate and other times I would like her to initiate.

*What is a turn off?
*Women taller than me. I'm 6'1 so I've never had this problem but if I did it would be a turn off. lol
Sexually passive 
Younger women (I'm 21 but younger girls in this stage of my life do not know what they want. I go for older women always.)
Sexually close-minded
hmm I'm not really too picky just take my turn ons and reverse them I s'pose lol.

*What is a turn on?
*I like big butts and I cannot lie roud:
Sexually aggressive
Healthy looking
Small hands/feet
Nice eyes
Breasts eh I can work with about anything in this are. I'm more of an ass guy
Long hair
Playful
Body type - I find women with a few extra pounds sexy. Slim, average, athletic, extra baggage builds are all sexy
I like to tease and like to be teased back. I love to play.
A girl who knows what she wants
A girl who wouldn't mind sometimes being thrown onto a bed or couch. I have good aim I promise I won't throw you into a wall lol.

*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?
*Hmm, just show signs of interest if interested in me. Usually in the past I've always initiated the conversations and been the one to ask for their numbers and such. I would like to see a girl take the reigns and give me a break for a bit lol. Or 50/50 which is how I would love everything including sex, relationships, etc to be... 50/50 is where its at. :crazy:


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## SassyPJs24 (Jan 27, 2010)

Okay, wow. I'm sorry I wasn't keeping up with this thread.

In response to some of the comments directed towards/about me, I'm continuing the off-topicness, but I hope it ends here. 



hazelwitch said:


> What are you saying?
> Sassy may have generalized a bit, but nowhere has she said that thin women shouldn't be appreciated. Where are you getting that from? Her posts were not sizeist in the least.


Slimness was never under attack as she said. I'm sorry it seemed that way.



hazelwitch said:


> It is getting frustrating to see that a woman makes a comment suggesting that *social standards requiring women to be thin, in order to be beautiful can cause serious problems for them* (yes she generalized a bit, but everyone needs to get over it), and gets called out repeatedly.


Hazelwitch, I agree with what you said; I believe we have similar outlooks on the situation. 



Esmeralda said:


> *people have a tendency to act as though thinness is some kind of culturally accepted symbol of attractiveness when the only place it is revered in is Hollywood.*


Exactly. Hollywood - as in movies, tv shows, magazine ads, models - where do you think we get our "standards?" Thin IS the ideal. Some may have varying definitions of thin, but if you've ever watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, you get the idea. 

In summary, I did not mean to speak for all women and I am sorry that I generalized about the original guy's comment. As hazelwitch said, I was in no way "angry" as one person said.



Monte said:


> I'm sorry your sole purpose in life is to please the opposite sex, but don't blame them for wanting a petite girl. We all know there are men out their who like curvy girls, LOOK FOR THEM instead of expecting the bad boy hottie to fall in love with your "curves" and fiesty attitude. Better yet, STOP TRYING TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE AND LIVE OR YOURSELF. Of course you want a significant other, but when you obsess over your physical appearance for that purpose and that purpose only, you're only harming yourself and blaming a male is childish and idiotic.


That was a mean post. I'm sorry it seemed like I was blaming a male; I've already apologized for generalizing. I do not blame men for women having eating disorders, although they can contribute to the problem by conforming to societal ideals just like everyone else. Both American women AND men have distorted views of what beautiful is, thanks to the media. But I guess some just prefer it--which is okay, it just saddened me to see it posted on a forum because I know what reading that can do to some people--I did not consider that some very thin women might actual love hearing it. Reading that would have devastated me in high school, when I did have an eating disorder. I've since directed my energies to helping others with the same problems and being as healthy as can be (and yes, I have curves, but now I am actually quite slim). I was not trying to get guys to fall in love with me by posting. I was trying to speak out for women who I KNOW are negatively affected by endorsements of skinny women by men. Through reading the posts, I have become more aware that thin women also have insecurities about not being "curvy" enough, and I'll be more aware of that in the future.

This is a forum. Men and women, are free to speak their opinions, even on topics directed towards a specific sex. After all, that's what a forum is for.


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## Esmeralda (Jan 3, 2011)

SassyPJs24 said:


> Exactly. Hollywood - as in movies, tv shows, magazine ads, models - where do you think we get our "standards?" Thin IS the ideal. Some may have varying definitions of thin, but if you've ever watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, you get the idea.


Saying "thin is the ideal", full stop, is just too wide a generalisation, like saying "blonde is the ideal" because an impetus is often placed on blondes. If thin was the culturally accepted ideal, why don't women in print advertisements look like the waifs you see on the runway? How about women in commercials? Or in the pages of Playboy, Maxim, and other men's magazines? Or in beauty pageants? From what I've seen, these women are usually healthy looking, and with curves. The same goes for TV stars and the majority of actresses in Hollywood. The only grotesquely thin women I've seen in the entertainment industry are masculine-looking high fashion models wearing absurd clothing, and B-grade tabloid stars being picked apart by the media for their thinness. If thin was the ideal, as you say, Nicole Richie, Mary-Kate Olsen, and Lindsay Lohan would be considered the hottest sex symbols, which they are most certainly not (Lindsay was pre-weight loss). If the unrealistic weight standards of high fashion can't even affect Hollywood to the extent where sex symbols are underweight, how can you say it affects the general public to this extent? Can you remember how the girls of the most popular cliques in your high school looked? I am willing to bet that like in the vast majority of schools, they were the most developed. I was _very_ thin in my high school years, and I was considered more of an oddity than the grotesquely obese girls were, which as I said in another post, just goes to show how out of whack people's priorities today are. As of the past year, over 63% of Americans were either overweight or obese. Compare that to the 0.5% - 3.7% of people who suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime, and it's pretty safe to conclude that most people in Western nations aren't worried _enough_ about losing weight.


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## Cman (Sep 24, 2010)

Monte said:


> Better yet, STOP TRYING TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE AND LIVE FOR YOURSELF.


^ This. Hawt.


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

The littlest things attract me to women like how she dresses or how she wears her hair. Its more about her style initially. 

To keep my interest a woman has to know how to talk to me. You can only show me your cleavage so much to keep my attention. If this post was to find out how to attract men then I suggest working on those verbal skills. I'm sure this goes doubley for men as our idea of a flirty come back is "UGG".


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

I know some females will be offended by what men may say on this board, but honestly, you're choosing to feel that way. You are responsible for your own emotions. I don't blame men for their choices, if I don't fit into what they like, I don't care. I probably will never meet you, and you do not represent men as a whole.

Then again, the horny virgin thing was just kind of silly. Not going to lie about that.

Sorry if you're easily offended, this is just how I see it.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*Women's Figures!*



Esmeralda said:


> Saying "thin is the ideal", full stop, is just too wide a generalisation, like saying "blonde is the ideal" because an impetus is often placed on blondes. If thin was the culturally accepted ideal, why don't women in print advertisements look like the waifs you see on the runway? How about women in commercials? Or in the pages of Playboy, Maxim, and other men's magazines? Or in beauty pageants? From what I've seen, these women are usually healthy looking, and with curves. The same goes for TV stars and the majority of actresses in Hollywood. The only grotesquely thin women I've seen in the entertainment industry are masculine-looking high fashion models wearing absurd clothing, and B-grade tabloid stars being picked apart by the media for their thinness. If thin was the ideal, as you say, Nicole Richie, Mary-Kate Olsen, and Lindsay Lohan would be considered the hottest sex symbols, which they are most certainly not (Lindsay was pre-weight loss). If the unrealistic weight standards of high fashion can't even affect Hollywood to the extent where sex symbols are underweight, how can you say it affects the general public to this extent? Can you remember how the girls of the most popular cliques in your high school looked? I am willing to bet that like in the vast majority of schools, they were the most developed. I was _very_ thin in my high school years, and I was considered more of an oddity than the grotesquely obese girls were, which as I said in another post, just goes to show how out of whack people's priorities today are. As of the past year, over 63% of Americans were either overweight or obese. Compare that to the 0.5% - 3.7% of people who suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime, and it's pretty safe to conclude that most people in Western nations aren't worried _enough_ about losing weight.


There was an article in Newsweek mag a month ago or less about how even lab animals have skyrocketed in weight over the last 10 years. Something is going on in America that has not been determined yet. You have to really work to overcome it. I was riding my bike to and from work, a round trip of 18 miles, and I was slimming down great. I could only do it 4 days a week, not 5, which was okay. That, however, was a whole lot of exercise, more than most people are willing to do. 

Second comment is this: Women are under so much pressure to look their best. We are bombarded by the ultimate sex symbols (ref Bay Watch), and no woman can compete with them; it's no wonder that women have eating disorders as they are trying to compete with Hollywood (as you stated above). I want my wife and daughter to have happy lives and be the best at who they can be. I want them to develop their MBTI traits, to enjoy the fullest life possible, and I hope they will be healthy. 

Finally, I will caution women on wearing high heeled shoes as it does terrible things to their bodies over time. Joint disorder, swelling or improper growth or wear on their bones, arthritus over the long haul. Shoes called stacks which keep her foot level, but add 3" of cork under all of her foot are fine. You look at a woman wearing really high heels, and you can see her legs are goofy looking as she is trying to walk. Do you really want to do that to women? No. Not if you have a drop of empathy or respect for her as a person. 

Digger Blue


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

I like to see a pair of breasts in a close fitting knit or other stretchy fabric. If I see erect nipples, that is a plus. 

Men are always trying to look down a woman's cleavage. Well, you can look down until you can see her belly button, but you still will likely not see nipples which is what you're really after. Looking up a girls skirt is also always tempting. If you kneel down and look straight forward, even using a flashlight, you will most likely see her underpants, not pussy. 

There is just nothing like the sex drive of a very young man or a very old woman. 

Regards,
Digger Blue


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## Darkestblue (Apr 19, 2010)

Moles. Oh my god, moles can be so hot. I don't even know why. They are like glasses. Having them makes you twice as attractive.


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## Spectrum (Jun 11, 2010)

intellect, open-mindedness, no nagging, non-materialistic, depth (personality-wise)

I notice I am always attracted to women of European descent, but as long as she keeps herself healthy then it depends as far as specifics go. Eyes and body are the most important factors I suppose. When I say "body", I do not mean the typical model magazine cover type. I've been attracted to thin, athletic, and stronger-built types (Erin Cummings for example). I am ecto-ecto/meso myself, so it isn't too much to ask.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I'll be in my bunk...

I'm back, and probably picked up a couple dozen peices of spyware... Oh, and this:








And that








Note what she has in her hands; that's what I'm really looking at.

On non-physical factors...

A girl who can tough it out without complaining. One who is sympathetic and emphatic. Patient and intelligent are also two must-have qualities. Oh, and organized too. She must not mind: drinking, guns, swearing, shortness, and Socialists.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Digger Blue said:


> There was an article in Newsweek mag a month ago or less about how even lab animals have skyrocketed in weight over the last 10 years. Something is going on in America that has not been determined yet. You have to really work to overcome it. I was riding my bike to and from work, a round trip of 18 miles, and I was slimming down great. I could only do it 4 days a week, not 5, which was okay. That, however, was a whole lot of exercise, more than most people are willing to do.
> 
> Second comment is this: Women are under so much pressure to look their best. We are bombarded by the ultimate sex symbols (ref Bay Watch), and no woman can compete with them; it's no wonder that women have eating disorders as they are trying to compete with Hollywood (as you stated above). I want my wife and daughter to have happy lives and be the best at who they can be. I want them to develop their MBTI traits, to enjoy the fullest life possible, and I hope they will be healthy.
> 
> ...


Um, whatever. I love wearing very high heels and I run marathons of 26 miles or more. Not everything is about how others think. The clothing selection I chose has to do with how I feel about it.


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## Blanco (Dec 23, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> Sexist "jokes" are never funny. Please refrain from fouling the forum with your crap, thanks.


I think that was meant as satire, but then again I could be wrong.


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

Izabella said:


> *Thx guys for your answers!! They are more than I aspected and very helpful, can wait for some others to join in!*
> 
> 
> Meanwhile this is what I found looking through the PerC forums :
> ...


Interesting statistic, yet also particularly depressing for those of us who are more balanced :|


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

Esmeralda said:


> I don't really mean to criticise anyone in particular here, this issue just annoys me a little every time it comes up because people have a tendency to act as though thinness is some kind of culturally accepted symbol of attractiveness when the only place it is revered in is Hollywood. The average weight of men and women in the Western world is dangerously escalating and people are pointing to a minuscule percentile of people who either suffer from eating disorders or have a preference for thinness? I think some people need to get their priorities straight.


[digression]Sure, everybody isn't equal in the literal sense... but these arguments make it seem as though certain people have less value than others. It is proven that slimmer women tend to be accepted much more easily (especially in a predominantly male career field) and tend to have more advantages to their larger counterparts. Just because these "norms" are created in Hollywood doesn't mean that there isn't a sort of social construct that is followed throughout the country. I think you're misunderstanding most of these posts and should reexamine the state of our country and the things that shape the way the majority of people think.[/digression]


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## Esmeralda (Jan 3, 2011)

possiBri said:


> [digression]Sure, everybody isn't equal in the literal sense... but these arguments make it seem as though certain people have less value than others. It is proven that slimmer women tend to be accepted much more easily (especially in a predominantly male career field) and tend to have more advantages to their larger counterparts.


When I said everyone isn't equal, I meant that if a large majority of people find a particular type of person attractive for whatever reason, that is their prerogative, and none of us have the inherent right or entitlement to be found attractive by any given member of the opposite sex. Whether anyone likes it or not, people _do_ possess qualities that determine their value in the eyes of others, and we judge people based on those qualities every day.



> Just because these "norms" are created in Hollywood doesn't mean that there isn't a sort of social construct that is followed throughout the country. I think you're misunderstanding most of these posts and should reexamine the state of our country and the things that shape the way the majority of people think.[/digression]


I've already explained why the standards created by the fashion industry have little to no bearing on society at large. Unlike film, TV, the music industry, and advertisement, the fashion industry is not burdened with having to cater to the general public, which is why among its most commonly used models are women who would be considered below average attractiveness. Hollywood doesn't make its profit from upper class patrons with enough money to burn, which is why the majority of actresses are conventionally attractive women with conventionally attractive figures. Don't confuse the out of work tabloid starlets who essentially sell their personal issues for publicity with real actresses.


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

Well I don't want to cause the thread to digress any further, so with that sentiment I just want to say that perhaps growing up in California has biased my opinion on the matter. Sure, we have really fat people here too, though I can imagine there are less compared to other areas of the country like the midwest. However, you don't see overly fat people on so-called "reality shows" unless it is to get them thinner or to follow them through surgery or some crap. All I'm saying is that it is still portrayed that "thin is in" – that is my opinion, you have every right to dispute it. If you want to continue the debate I would be glad to, just start a new thread and I will jump in.


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## Esmeralda (Jan 3, 2011)

possiBri said:


> Well I don't want to cause the thread to digress any further, so with that sentiment I just want to say that perhaps growing up in California has biased my opinion on the matter. Sure, we have really fat people here too, though I can imagine there are less compared to other areas of the country like the midwest. However, you don't see overly fat people on so-called "reality shows" unless it is to get them thinner or to follow them through surgery or some crap. All I'm saying is that it is still portrayed that "thin is in" – that is my opinion, you have every right to dispute it. If you want to continue the debate I would be glad to, just start a new thread and I will jump in.


I won't continue our debate further if you don't want to, I just want to quickly point that the non-inclusion of obese people in the media isn't proof that 'thin is in', it's merely proof of the cultural aversion to physically undesirable people, which I think has actually decreased significantly in the recent decades.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Esmeralda, you can take this discussion to the "Body Image and Relationships" thread.


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## Astrakaan (Jan 7, 2011)

Thanks for this question as it is making me think about what I feel.



Izabella said:


> Hello!
> 
> Ok, this is something I don't know if it will help, but I think I might need it.
> 
> ...


First it’s eye contact that is held non-aggressively. After that it’s a matter of intuition and mutual communication.



> Do you show/tell her?
> What makes you want to try to have sex with her?
> What is a turn off?
> What is a turn on?
> ...


Turn off = analysis of the situation; a manipulative woman or one without feelings.
Turn on = contact and sensitive communication.
What would i like to see... : our minds and bodies talk to each other gently and sensually.

That's what I would like. But I don't want to hit on anyone - I want to join in the dance with them - even if it's just a sexy weekend with the honesty but not commitment. Sex without contact and comunication is masterbation and I can do that better on my own.


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## Drea (Apr 13, 2010)

I have a question.


What is looking "seductive" mean, and how does one do it? o.o
I mean, when I think 'seductive' I think looking like you want to have sex with the person, and who looks like that ALL THE TIME? That just seems creepy to me xD


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## Spectrum (Jun 11, 2010)

Drea said:


> I have a question.
> 
> 
> What is looking "seductive" mean, and how does one do it? o.o
> I mean, when I think 'seductive' I think looking like you want to have sex with the person, and who looks like that ALL THE TIME? That just seems creepy to me xD


By definition, seductive = enticing, attractive
In that case, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. People typically say that they want "seductive" women when an attractive woman makes a visit in their head (out of imagination, not surgery), so whoever said that was probably getting a bit horny while they were typing it.

Oh and by the way, before I forget: women, boob jobs are generally undesirable. It's either comedic or slightly intimidating to see a thin woman with watermelons on her chest. They look nice from a distance, behind a camera, and in magazine covers. However, IRL they are not all that great. I know some girls who fret over boob size, and quite honestly it's a ridiculous notion. I suppose this paragraph was uncalled for, but this thread seemed like the right place to insert it.


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## Blanco (Dec 23, 2010)

Blanco said:


> I don't know... I guess it depends when you catch me. Lately, I've had a thing for lips.
> 
> But overall, I am usually attracted by uniquely attractive girls -- something that sets them apart from the rest.


These kind of lips are really attractive to me. There was this girl in a class of mine who I had a sort of anonymous crush and I'd always draw her lips.












Also, on a non-physical level, I like girls who are intelligent and can critically think for themselves. Nothing sexier than a sexy mind.

As someone who is individualistic, I'd like my partner to be also individualistic. I was in a relationship with someone who was clingy and I never really felt comfortable about that. It was as if she lived only for me, and I could never come to terms with that because I would need long periods of alone time because I felt our time together was mentally exhausting.

An open liberal mindset is pretty important as well, for me.


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## Izabella (Jul 9, 2010)

possiBri said:


> Interesting statistic, yet also particularly depressing for those of us who are more balanced :|



I know!!
I feel I'm balanced too.... but this is not 100% accurate.

I think I have some feminine features that I like to show more (accentuate), but i never will be and want to be a very feminine women .


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## SassyPJs24 (Jan 27, 2010)

Spectrum said:


> Oh and by the way, before I forget: women, boob jobs are generally undesirable. It's either comedic or slightly intimidating to see a thin woman with watermelons on her chest. They look nice from a distance, behind a camera, and in magazine covers. However, IRL they are not all that great. I know some girls who fret over boob size, and quite honestly it's a ridiculous notion. I suppose this paragraph was uncalled for, but this thread seemed like the right place to insert it.


 I'm a thin woman with big breasts naturally... I guess they're not "watermelons" and look real but I've always worried about being disproportionate. When I was really thin in high school, my boobs didn't shrink. I got dirty looks when I wore a bikini because people thought I had a boob job. I agree they are not all that great, I have quite a few back problems.


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## Beta Male (Feb 3, 2011)

*Do you show/tell her?*

I send subtle signals (full attention, meaningful eye contact, etc.), and if I get positive feedback then I go for it.

*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?*

I feel like I can be myself when I'm hanging out with her. She makes me honestly laugh. If she's too overtly sexual early on, then I back off. Being cute and having mutual conversational interests goes a long way. Also, if I can get a blood rush to the nether-regions on eye contact alone, then we have a winner.

*What is a turn off?*

Spray tans, lower back tattoos, huge frightening fake nails, wanting to talk about which celebrity had a baby with which other celebrity, being against gay marriage, rudeness to cashiers/waiters/etc, the attitude that she's so hot she can get any guy she wants, extreme body modification, an inclination to frequent clubs, smoking

*What is a turn on?*

Glasses, carrying a book in her purse/bag, a feminine-looking hairstyle, the ability to tell me her honest opinion about something in a tactful and constructive way (in other words, the ability to disagree with me well), shorter than I am, good teeth, smooth hands, shared interests, using (but not abusing) profanity, being attracted to me for who I am, a level of physical fitness similar to my own

*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*

I usually don't "hit on" someone until I've built up at least a small amount of rapport with her, and so I guess that once I start hitting on a woman, I want her to keep up whatever she did to get me to hit on her to begin with and escalate things naturally.


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

so ummm.... how tall are you? :laughing:


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## Beta Male (Feb 3, 2011)

5'11"

Also, when I first read your post, I imagined that your avatar was saying it with the widening eyes. Hilarious.:crazy:


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## carson (Jan 21, 2011)

*Do you show/tell her?*
Blinking in morse code or semaphore with diner serviettes

*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?*
The likelihood that she has a vagina on her person

*What is a turn off?*
Finding that there is no vagina

*What is a turn on?*
Her smile.

*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*
I refuse to hit women.


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

Beta Male said:


> 5'11"
> 
> Also, when I first read your post, I imagined that your avatar was saying it with the widening eyes. Hilarious.:crazy:


hahaha awesome... that is definitely the effect I am going for :laughing:


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Legs, breast, hip curve, and a charitable attitude. A bitch, no matter how pretty, will never get a "Can I date you?" from me.


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## Mandarr (Feb 5, 2011)

Izabella said:


> Do you show/tell her?


I straight up tell her I have a little crush on her



Izabella said:


> What is a turn off?


If she isn't hygienic 



Izabella said:


> What is a turn on?


If shes an NF, plus physically pleasing as well



Izabella said:


> What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?


She seems interested


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## Herp (Nov 25, 2010)

*Do you show/tell her?*

There are a couple of stages before I acknowledge an attraction. By the time I try to do so, the opportunity is gone.

*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?*

The attitude, coupled with the looks. I'm not looking for a perfect woman, but any woman that boosts my libido is a great woman to have sex with. Physical attributes are great, but the right eyes can make a great deal in arousing me. The tougher the girl, I get more excited (Of course, as long as she still is feminine).

*What is a turn off?*

I like girls who acknowledge their femininity, but when girls overdo it, it gets really ugly real quickly. I really am turned off by a girl that shows the vibe of 'I know I'm hot - stop drooling, you'll never reach me.';

*What is a turn on?*

Physically, the breasts, the waist to hips ratio, the lips and the eyes. However, a good confidence, coupled with a thirst for adventure always turn me on (Take me out of my comfort zone!). Sensitive girls are great, but as long as they don't happen to be too sensitive. Activists, for example.

*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*

I certainly suck at hitting on women, but when I try it, I'd like to see her willing to share some small things with me, so I can know what makes her tick.


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## topgun31 (Nov 23, 2010)

*Do you show/tell her?*
I give subtle cues at first. If she responds positively, then I go straight in for the conversation, no hesitation. 

*
What makes you want to try to have sex with her?*
Looks + emotional connection is the best. Sometimes just looks. Flirty behavior also helps alot here, and so does foreplay.
*
What is a turn off?*
Obesity, poor hygiene, Over-neediness, being closed minded, acting like a spoiled "princess," gold diggers, fakeness

*What is a turn on?*
An hour-glass shaped body, flowing hair, pretty smile, luscious eyes, INTELLIGENCE, open-mindedness, being playful but not immature (i.e. playful teasing)

*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*
I'd like her to flirt with me back, if interested. If not, then she should just straight-up say, "I'm not interested" or something to that effect.


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## Evergreen23 (Feb 19, 2011)

avalanche183 said:


> I posted in this thread already but didn't really give it a real answer... here goes nothing!
> 
> 
> *Do you show/tell her?*
> ...


Hello, where have you been my whole life? That was not a pick-up line, but an actual question. Intellectual bantering is freaking fantastic.


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## Compassionate Misanthrope (Mar 2, 2011)

*Do you show/tell her?*
Provided that I'm not in a relationship, invariably yes. Given that I'm married, but not dead, I still want to have sex on some level with some women that I meet/interact with. This is part of the human condition. I imagine that it is the same for my wife :shrug: We are monkeys after all  

I will answer the rest, ignoring the facts that I'm married and that I love my Wife. After all your question wasn't about husbands wanting to get freaky with their wives. 

*What makes you want to try to have sex with her?*
Looks and a connection. The personality has to be there. It doesn't have to be a "long term soul connection", but the woman has to be enjoyable to be around, strong-willed, intelligent, and at least minimally attractive. I have never been attracted to "plastic girls". There's nothing hotter than a little imperfection which serves to frame and enhance the traditionally held to be beautiful features. 

*What is a turn off?*
Stupidity, bigotry, conservatism, materialism, shallow personality, excessive use of perfume/makeup (girls can be d-bags too). 

*What is a turn on?*
Intelligence, dynamic (read unpredictable) personality, confidence, a sincere smile, energy, graceful movements, variable emotions... individuality! I like women who know who they are and aren't afraid to act like it. Honesty, integrity, and of course just general hawtness. I've slept with women who many might not consider to be classically pretty, but who had such magnetic personalities that they just needed to be given the love  

*What would you like to see or how would you like her to act when you're hitting on her?*
I hit on girls by being myself and having normal conversation, with slightly more joking and teasing than usual. I like people with quick wits, a good sense of humor, a sense of adventure, etc. I would expect the girl to be herself. I will be myself and if there is chemistry then I will get her to spend time with me at the earliest opportunity. Coffee, pool, dancing, dinner, sports, whatever.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I'm definitely attracted to women who can write "to a woman" or "to women" instead of "at a women."


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## Peacock (Mar 11, 2011)

I think many women take the term slender to a farther extent than men actually mean.
From my experience men don't like to have sex with a stick thin woman, but they also don't want to feel engulfed. 
Everyone has different taste and I've met quite a few FA men.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

cuteness
friendliness
cleanliness/good hairdo, even if not overly complex
a good capacity to enjoy life and not get bogged down in the swamp of constant setbacks
she also needs to be close to my height, I don't go for girls that are either too tall or too short

^I'd call that a pretty reasonable list


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## gravitycantforget (Oct 24, 2010)

what attracts me to a woman - good overall figure, nice face, big tits


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

gravitycantforget said:


> what attracts me to a woman - good overall figure, nice face, big tits


And? At least name one substantial trait rather than just going exclusively for the superficial.


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## Compassionate Misanthrope (Mar 2, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> And? At least name one substantial trait rather than just going exclusively for the superficial.


Maybe that's what he's into :shrug: Someone has to give loving to the good looking and vacuous among us. I didn't exactly IQ test all of my flings back in the day lol.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Compassionate Misanthrope said:


> Maybe that's what he's into :shrug: Someone has to give loving to the good looking and vacuous among us. I didn't exactly IQ test all of my flings back in the day lol.


It seems a shame that there doesn't seem to be any part of a woman's personality that attracts him. If he is only attracted to their appearance then that's what he is attracted to, but I would have thought something more abstract would be part of a woman's attractive traits in his opinion.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

Compassionate Misanthrope said:


> Maybe that's what he's into :shrug: Someone has to give loving to the good looking and vacuous among us. I didn't exactly IQ test all of my flings back in the day lol.


He's an elitist INFP Type 4. Don't bother.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

SyndiCat said:


> He's an elitist INFP Type 4. Don't bother.


Who? Me or gravitycantforget?


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