# The introverted feeling type



## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

TiNeSi said:


> In my experience, ExFP are more likely to act like this, than Fe dom.


My ESFJ friend is the epitome of excitement sunshine and puppies (she has cat allergies). I seem like a grumpy thinking type by contrast. =P


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## Wounded Bird (Aug 28, 2010)

> One thing I've found Fi dominant or auxiliary users to do is to put forward negative feeling-judgments or assume an air of profound indifference, as a measure of self-defense against the depth of their feelings, especially the males. I completely agree with what @amnorvend said about Fi types coming off as a bit 'cold' at times, even though they're feeling types.


I do this. I become mean and sarcastic or act completely cold and detached if I am hurt in front of someone and I don't want them to see it. The only other response I have is to run away. I am slowly learning to instead express my feelings when that happens. I am learning to say i.e. "What you just said/did provoked feelings of sadness/anger/fear/etc in me."


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## Wounded Bird (Aug 28, 2010)

> One thing I've found Fi dominant or auxiliary users to do is to put forward negative feeling-judgments or assume an air of profound indifference, as a measure of self-defense against the depth of their feelings, especially the males. I completely agree with what @amnorvend said about Fi types coming off as a bit 'cold' at times, even though they're feeling types.


I do this. I become mean and sarcastic or act completely cold and detached if I am hurt in front of someone and I don't want them to see it. The only other response I have is to run away. I am slowly learning to instead express my feelings when that happens. I am learning to say i.e. "What you just said/did provoked feelings of sadness/anger/fear/etc in me."


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## Wounded Bird (Aug 28, 2010)

> One thing I've found Fi dominant or auxiliary users to do is to put forward negative feeling-judgments or assume an air of profound indifference, as a measure of self-defense against the depth of their feelings, especially the males. I completely agree with what @amnorvend said about Fi types coming off as a bit 'cold' at times, even though they're feeling types.


I do this. I become mean and sarcastic or act completely cold and detached if I am hurt in front of someone and I don't want them to see it. The only other response I have is to run away. I am slowly learning to instead express my feelings when that happens. I am learning to say i.e. "What you just said/did provoked feelings of sadness/anger/fear/etc in me."

- Sorry for the triple post, there was some kind of glitch. Sorry, mods. -


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## MartyMcFly1 (Nov 14, 2010)

amnorvend said:


> EXTJs are weird. It's not usually easy to see the feeling motivations for their actions (even for them), but they're there. Things always seem to turn personal even though they don't usually show it on the outside.
> 
> In particular, every EXTJ I've worked with loathes throwing work out (even if for valid reasons). I always thought this is due to some Te desire for efficiency, but more and more it's beginning to seem like what's going on is actually more Fi-driven. I would imagine it goes something like "How can you just abandon so-and-so's hard work like that?".


What I brought up about E*TJ's was more about the negative aspects of their unconscious Fi. Sometimes they will do very altruistic, unselfish things while acting as if they are being selfish assholes. They tend to have an "I love you, but it's none of your business!!" attitude when dealing with loved ones. I've actually found that E*TP's tend to look more emotional than E*TJ's but in fact, I think we just tend to be more honest about our emotions. We acknowledge them more consciously than E*TJ's, and deal with them more objectively. I'm not the best at understanding the emotions of others, but I consider myself good at determining when someone isn't being completely logical, or when the motivations behind ones actions aren't rooted in logic.

I'm curious, do Fi users sometimes feel things without knowing what caused them to feel the way that they do?


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## heartturnedtoporcelain (Apr 9, 2010)

fourtines said:


> In my living situation, people really appreciate my kind-natured distance. And by that I mean I keep to myself a great deal, don't like to be excessively bothered, and may not be as warm and friendly as some of the other people who live here (I've been living in a shared living environment on a large property for approximately eighteen months). I've lasted here a lot longer than some of the more gregarious types.
> 
> Here's why: I clean up my own mess, am pretty flexible as long as I am not actively intruded upon, and if I do feel like socializing or paying attention to others I'm quite nice. I'm nice without being overbearing or being in anyone's face. I come across as being self-sufficient but easy to get along with.
> 
> ...


This is *exactly* what I am like to live with as a roommate. Except for the political part ... 1 features prominently in my enneagram and I can't help but want to expound forcefully if a political discussion occurs.


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## amnorvend (May 16, 2010)

MartyMcFly1 said:


> What I brought up about E*TJ's was more about the negative aspects of their unconscious Fi. Sometimes they will do very altruistic, unselfish things while acting as if they are being selfish assholes. They tend to have an "I love you, but it's none of your business!!" attitude when dealing with loved ones. I've actually found that E*TP's tend to look more emotional than E*TJ's but in fact, I think we just tend to be more honest about our emotions. We acknowledge them more consciously than E*TJ's, and deal with them more objectively. I'm not the best at understanding the emotions of others, but I consider myself good at determining when someone isn't being completely logical, or when the motivations behind ones actions aren't rooted in logic.
> 
> I'm curious, do Fi users sometimes feel things without knowing what caused them to feel the way that they do?


It depends on how you look at it. You might think of it being a bit like Ti, but with feelings instead of logic. Generally, I know what I like and I know how to give others space to have what they like. Just like someone who uses Ti knows what they think is logical. One thing I notice about Ti users is that though they don't always come off as smart immediately, they are (especially with EXTPs). At the same time, Fi users don't always come off as warm and friendly immediately, but they are. But both types _are_ aware that they're using these functions. They just don't share them with the outside world.

I think what you're getting at is the difference between _inferior_ and _tertiary_ feeling. Tertiary feeling is something that you're usually aware of (sometimes painfully so). Inferior feeling is something that you're usually not aware of. You can't rely on an EXTJ to notice that they're being touchy feely just like you can't rely on an ENTP to notice that they're focusing on details too much. You _can_ rely on an ESTJ to notice that they're not thinking of the big picture, and you _can_ rely on an ENTP to notice that they're not being nice enough though.


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## Wounded Bird (Aug 28, 2010)

> I'm curious, do Fi users sometimes feel things without knowing what caused them to feel the way that they do?


Yes. Though I usually can recognize why something makes me feel a certain way, I can't always. In the instances where I can't immediately discern what is making me feel, I can usually figure it out quite clearly later on while analyzing what happened using Ne-Si-Te.

Recently I had an incident where I was very withdrawn, sarcastic and cold to someone I care for deeply, and at the time I thought it was out of anger. Later on upon analyzation I discovered I was actually responding to hurt I couldn't allow myself to feel at the time.


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## intrasearching (Jul 15, 2011)

Wounded Bird said:


> Yes. Though I usually can recognize why something makes me feel a certain way, I can't always. In the instances where I can't immediately discern what is making me feel, I can usually figure it out quite clearly later on while analyzing what happened using Ne-Si-Te.
> 
> Recently I had an incident where I was very withdrawn, sarcastic and cold to someone I care for deeply, and at the time I thought it was out of anger. Later on upon analyzation I discovered I was actually responding to hurt I couldn't allow myself to feel at the time.


Would an Fe user be more likely to understand where their feelings are coming from? As an INTP I have always know why I feel the way I do. I use to believe that was out of character for an NT, but INTP = Ti Ne Si Fe. So, Fe equals knowing what extraneous factors cause experienced emotions?


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## Wounded Bird (Aug 28, 2010)

I knew what triggered me to feel upset during the encounter. But I expressed my feelings as anger and detachment in the moment. This actually occurred with an INTP who has played with my heart a lot unintentionally. When I looked back at what happened, I realized that I was more hurt than angry. Instead of expressing the way I actually felt, I expressed sarcasm and bitterness. I don't think I was totally unaware that I was hurt, but it wasn't a conscious thought. Later on I became fully aware of what I was feeling at the moment by recalling (Si) and analyzing (Fi) it.

I have read that Ni is largely unconscious and Ne is largely conscious. Perhaps, similarly, Fi primarily is unconscious whilst Fe is primarily conscious?


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## NYEnglishRose (Jun 20, 2011)

My teen daughter is an ESFP with an auxiliary Fi. She is very aware of how things affect her yet doesn't always talk about it. I would not call her a conformist. She is more about personal ideals than blindly following others.


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## ponyjoyride (May 7, 2010)

amnorvend said:


> Introverted feelers have the exact opposite problem. They like sunshine, bunny rabits, and kittens and all, but don't feel the need to go around showering others with them. They aren't always excited to see you, but when they are you'll feel more welcome than you've ever felt before. They don't necessarily like that drawing you made, but are happy that _you're_ happy with it.
> 
> In other words, introverted feelers don't always come off as kind and caring. In fact, they may very well do their best to make sure you _don't_ see them as caring. You might even be convinced that they're just a mean old thinking type. But when you actually get to see their feeling side, you'll experience the most sincere kindness you've ever felt. Just don't expect them to admit they like you.


This might be the best description of Fi I've ever read. And it reminds me of a discussion I had with my INTJ friend.

Me: I'm really a very warm and caring person.
INTJ: *Laughs ironically*
Me: What? You don't believe me? Well, didn't you like me when we first met?
INTJ: No, I didn't. You were rude and arrogant.

And then I laughed and was secretly pleased to be called rude and arrogant.


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## MandiKind (Oct 27, 2011)

amnorvend said:


> I think what you're getting at is the difference between _inferior_ and _tertiary_ feeling. Tertiary feeling is something that you're usually aware of (sometimes painfully so). Inferior feeling is something that you're usually not aware of. You can't rely on an EXTJ to notice that they're being touchy feely just like you can't rely on an ENTP to notice that they're focusing on details too much. You _can_ rely on an ESTJ to notice that they're not thinking of the big picture, and you _can_ rely on an ENTP to notice that they're not being nice enough though.


Thanks for explaining the inferior and tertiary functions so simply and clearly...My husband is an ESTJ and this explanation fits him perfectly. Don't point out that they're being touchy feely either; they definitely do not appreciate that observation.


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## VivaCohen (Jan 8, 2010)

INFPs (extremely Fi) are often mistaken for thinking types and can seem rather cold before you get to know them. I've met a lot of people (a LOT) who have told me, "I thought you were going to be really mean when I first met you but you're the sweetest person I've ever met!" The two stereotypes INFPs get most are "sweet" and "hard to get to know/initially distant" lol


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

I agree with most of the OP. The feeling functions - actually, all the functions - are often misunderstood and have their misconceptions. My guess is that the P/J dichotomy has impacted the type overall, therefore presenting FPs as having a radiating energy and carefree nature, and FJs as being serious and misunderstood (INFJs especially...). What feeling function would these traits most likely be associated with? It is the wrong way around. 

It's funny how FJs are often in denial of their true type. In my favourate sub-forum, INFP, I notice an occasional user typed as an xxFP when they don't come off that way. I also get the impression that Fe-ego types are reluctant to type themselves as FJ types because mbti descriptions have enforced the idea that only Fi types have emotions and a strong sense of values. It seems correct where the OP makes a point of Fe types and their expressiveness with feeling. 



> I think the best example of an introverted feeling person is Dr. Cox from Scrubs. He berates everyone around him, and is incredibly sarcastic. But if you watch the show enough, you can tell that he _really is_ a caring person.


About Dr Cox, I've always seen him as a low order Fe type as he goes on long rants about how he literally does not care at all. Be sure not to mistake Fe with only showing enthusiasm. 



> So now that you've read this, how do you deal with introverted feelers? What are some good examples of introverted feeling?


Well, I would never say things that seem like "opening up" such as "_I really like you"_ or _that is really Amazing!!_. Other introverted feelers I know are similar. Jung described introverted feelers as "hard to understand" which I notice as they do not express their words on how they feel directly, but if you guess what their intentions are you can figure it out. With Fi-types I often find myself unsure of how much they like/dislike me, and IXFPs in particular are often reserved in group conversation but may weigh in on their own personal opinion. The most basic different is that Fe types conform to external feeling values and prefer Fi types trust their own judgement of feeling values.


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