# NF's: To pursue or to be pursued?



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I have to be pursued. I would never pursue. That just is not me.

However, I will say that I used to think being pursued filtered out the one's who weren't really into me. But there is another reality: some men just like the chase. It doesn't necessarily filter out the bad ones.


----------



## Trifoilum (Dec 13, 2009)

I would be really pleased to be pursued, and I am not masterful in the art of pursuit, but I realized it's best to do both. Can't let anyone take full control of anything. It'd be too..hard for them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Moon Pix (Sep 19, 2009)

I would say that in general Im happy to be the pursuer as long as I get some sort of sign from the girl that she's interested. I would never just go up to a girl and try to chat her up.

Im trying speed dating in about a month. I think its pretty much perfect for guys like me who are bad at approaching women because theres a structure to it that means you don't have to worry about having to go up to a person of the contradictory gender you don't know.:wink:


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Moon Pix said:


> I would say that in general Im happy to be the pursuer as long as I get some sort of sign from the girl that she's interested. I would never just go up to a girl and try to chat her up.
> 
> Im trying speed dating in about a month. I think its pretty much perfect for guys like me who are bad at approaching women because theres a structure to it that means you don't have to worry about having to go up to a person of the contradictory gender you don't know.:wink:


Wow. You're going to have to update us on the speed dating after you do it. Curious.


----------



## mutton (Jan 21, 2010)

I like to be persued.
Growing up my mother drilled into me that guys didn't like pushy girls. For better or worse her idea stuck. A guy has to make an obvious sign before I reach out too far.


----------



## statickitten (Jan 10, 2010)

I pretend that I'm the one being pursued, or at least let the guy think he is, when I'm really the one behind it all.


----------



## addle1618 (Oct 31, 2008)

Zygomorphic said:


> I like a little bit of both from both parties. That way, it's clear both individuals are interested.


This. Though I always am a bit timid about the whole thing, I _like_ to be pursued more. Like other person contacting me first is a BIG thing for me, it shows interest. After that I can come through, I guess.


----------



## fribblesandyoko (Nov 15, 2009)

to be pursued.

I've been more than convinced by all of my guy friends that if a guy really likes you, he'll make it happen. thanks _he's just not that into you_.


----------



## Rustang (Dec 31, 2009)

I like being pursued, but usually do the pursuing..


----------



## Shanty (Jan 19, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> I NEVER pursue men because I've come to realize that if a man wants you, he won't be able stop himself.
> If I pursue, I sometimes get them but the relationship(?) never works out because they weren't that into me in the first place. If they were, I wouldn't have had to do a thing.
> This is what I've learned. For me, anyway.
> AND this way, my fragile ego stays in tact and is sometimes even stroked!:laughing:


This is also been my experience!! Very true


----------



## Wanderling (Dec 27, 2009)

It's been a bit of both, in my case!


----------



## Gracie (Dec 13, 2009)

I much prefer to be pursued, it makes me feel so special when guys do that, I'm a sucker for it. It's a bit of a double-edged sword though, because often I'm not assertive enough to really rebuff someone I'm not interested in.


----------



## Kalifornia310 (Jan 7, 2010)

I dont pursue.. until i get rejected or someone seems to be not interested in me, then thats when it becomes a compulsion to get them to like me, once i have them.. i lose interest.... lame...


----------



## Ireth (Nov 2, 2009)

I'd never pursue... And I don't think I like to be pursued either. It should just develop gradually, with some effort from both, well at least if there is interest on both sides.
It's not like hunting you know...
:wink:


----------



## On the road to Damascus (Oct 1, 2009)

I have been pursued and I have been the pursuer...it really is easier being pursued...but if I meet a guy that I feel I have a deep up and down connection with then it's like a magnet and I can't help myself and then I will run interference...it doesn't happen often but when I do feel like this it's just like heaven and I really understand the power of romance because I assist in the creation of it.

Sometimes I think that gender role rules in dating are really too constraining. I am sexually attracted to guys but the whole "who asks who out" approach to things needs to be loosened up a bit in my opinion.


----------



## Angerona (Feb 2, 2010)

to be pursued .. If a man really likes me..he should come..and show me.. 

anyway.. maybe I'm to shy to like it the other way around


----------



## Patrick (Feb 5, 2010)

OrangeAppled said:


> I have to be pursued. I'm terribly passive when it comes to dating, and even friendship. The most I will do is sort of throw my way in the path of someone, and even that is inconsistent.


Yeah, this is definitely my default mode as well. As a male INFP, I definitely tend to shy away from this whole pursuing business. I love to sit and dream. BUT...I am finding that when I do step out and pursue it provides more fuel for my dreaming and gives my dreaming more satisfaction. It seems like I have trouble when I pursue someone and then realize I don't want to anymore and that I made a mistake. Now I have to hurt their feelings which I don't like doing at all! I am learning to do what's best for people even if it hurts them but it's so hard for me. 

If I think a girl is special, I think she deserves to be pursued and I am willing to put myself out there to let her know that she is. This doesn't happen very often but I made a deal with myself before that such times are times to _act and move_ and not times to sit and dream. I can sit and dream later that night and do it with a smile on my face.


----------



## mikesierra (Feb 10, 2010)

I wait to be pursued. Sort of strange for a male, I guess, but I'm terrible at detachment and I interpret one's motivation as hope it won't come to that. It usually doesn't quite work out as well as perceived, though.


----------



## ThatSteveDude (Sep 10, 2009)

I don't usually attempt to pursue because, well, I'm pretty terrible at it (at least that's what I think).

And if I were to be pursued, I'd have no idea that's what was happening (unless she made it blatantly obvious).

Go me.


----------



## Jingo (Feb 2, 2010)

I wouldn't know how to pursue someone even if I wanted to. 

As for being pursued, I...don't know if I've ever actually been pursued? I think this guy in my class likes me and if what he is doing is pursuing then it's making me more nervous than anything. >> That might be because I don't have any special feelings for him though.


----------



## Tommy (Nov 25, 2009)

I pursue, because some girls are just too amazing to let go... It would be nice to get some love in return though =)


----------



## Thinker96 (Feb 24, 2010)

who doesnt love a little chase, though that can totally depend on the person. I usually do the pursuing but its nice to have it the other way around sometimes...like someone said before, society can be a bitch.


----------



## spook (Dec 16, 2009)

I would only pursue if I am 100% sure the guy is into me... which is pretty much never 
In my imagination I am pursuing guys all the time, sometimes even getting rejected and enjoying feeling sorry for myself lol. ofc the story always ends with them crawling back, begging me to give them another chance... uh oh, I see a bit of softcore SM dominance/submission at play


----------



## Female INFJ (Feb 27, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> I NEVER pursue men because I've come to realize that if a man wants you, he won't be able stop himself.
> If I pursue, I sometimes get them but the relationship(?) never works out because they weren't that into me in the first place. If they were, I wouldn't have had to do a thing.
> This is what I've learned. For me, anyway.
> AND this way, my fragile ego stays in tact and is sometimes even stroked!:laughing:


I enjoy pursuing immensely. But sometimes I feel that had I not pursued, would I have been pursued? Also I don't mind being pursued, I would like that more often..but being pursued by someone I don't like isn't good...I have stopped pursuing, because men really show their interest if they take the initiative to pursue, and I won't be doubting the reason a person is with me.


----------



## Female INFJ (Feb 27, 2010)

Oh my...I am kind of really thinking of this now! I love the chase, I like to seduce, to dress provocatively, to wear nice perfume, to watch a guy get turned on...I should STOP this thinking and focus on my work...anyhow, I have found wrong approach has caused finding wrong partners for me...Now I wait to be pursued. I've learnt my lesson on this one...but a bit on both sides is nice.


----------



## Razvan (Dec 17, 2009)

Female INFJ said:


> Oh my...I am kind of really thinking of this now! I love the chase, I like to seduce, to dress provocatively, to wear nice perfume, to watch a guy get turned on...I should STOP this thinking and focus on my work...anyhow, I have found wrong approach has caused finding wrong partners for me...Now I wait to be pursued. I've learnt my lesson on this one...but a bit on both sides is nice.


I don't think the fact that you pursued was the reason for finding wrong partners, but I do think, like Amanda said, that a man who is interested in you will show that, introverted or not, one way or the other. Different personalities do show it differently though.:happy: It's the same with women and men pursuing them I think, if a woman likes you she will show it to you, one way or the other, even if it is just a look or more. I'm not really into dominance/submision roles, pursuing/be pursued...for me itshould be something that comes naturally from both partners.:happy:


----------



## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

I don't pursue ever, but sometimes I wish I did. When I'm interested, I try to lure people in, and sometimes I'm too subtle but sometimes it works.
I guess I don't persue because I'm afraid of rejection or putting myself out there. I turn away many of the people who pursue me, but I kind of like having that power to pick and chose rather than putting myself on the line.
But given how picky I am, it would probably be better if I did some pursuing.


----------



## Peege (Nov 16, 2009)

I'd prefer to be pursued, but I live in the south so I think I have a better chance of being struck by lightning... I've tried doing the pursuing a few times, but I generally suck at it and either come on too strong or not strong enough, or it's someone I just met and my natural shyness kicks in so I don't know what to say, so she loses interest and moves along without giving me a second thought. I need to start actually trying to meet someone I suppose, but the big question now is where to even meet someone I'd be interested in.


----------



## TeeJay (Mar 14, 2010)

Pursue. Although I won't mind if someone would subtly hint that they would be interested in _being_ pursued roud: .


----------



## FaithBW (Feb 26, 2010)

I have to say that I pursue, at least when it came to meeting my husband. I honestly haven't been in multiple romantic relationships, so I couldn't say for sure whether I consistently pursue or not.


----------



## anapuna (Mar 12, 2010)

spook said:


> uh oh, I see a bit of softcore SM dominance/submission at play


rawwwwr heh heh. 

no whipping? please mistress may i have another. **crack** ha ha

"In my imagination I am pursuing guys all the time, sometimes even getting rejected and enjoying feeling sorry for myself lol."

i can feel this one.


----------

