# When a friend doesn't stay in touch with you...



## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

Does this mean the person doesn't really care or isn't interested in talking to you?


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

Not necessarily. They might have moved on without telling you, because they didn't want to hurt you. When a friend moves far away, they might want to start over, and not burden themselves or others with keeping up with people they don't interact with much. If you were at the same school and you both graduated, they might think of you very fondly, but have decided that in a new phase of life, it is appropriate to get new friends.

There are many reasons. Do you have a concrete example?


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## Volant (Oct 5, 2013)

For how long has the person not been in contact with you?


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

That's what happened with my LDR he wasn't going to say shit to me had I not contacted him as to why he stopped talking to me when things were going so great the next day he did a complete 360 and acted like an uncaring asshole. Depends on the circumstances, but if a person is far away, they can still be a comforting friend. No one is far away enough to where they can't say a few kind words for someone going through hard times and he started ignoring me through everything: never messaged me for any more holidays, birthdays, not shit. Honestly, I think this person isn't human. And I don't give a damn whatever jerk on this forum wants to call me, he gets what he deserves.

How can you claim to like someone a lot but give them the cold shoulder as if they don't care what happened? That's the type of shit I don't get. You can at least check up on someone to see if they're okay.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

I don't think they care enough... Do you know if this happens to all their other friends or is it just you?


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## snowbell (Apr 2, 2012)

Silveresque said:


> Does this mean the person doesn't really care or isn't interested in talking to you?


Really depends. Some are just bad at keeping contact, some will have moved on, some will be busy. It varies, but is hard to tell, unfortunately. Could you contact them and ask what's going on?


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

stultum said:


> Not necessarily. They might have moved on without telling you, because they didn't want to hurt you. When a friend moves far away, they might want to start over, and not burden themselves or others with keeping up with people they don't interact with much. If you were at the same school and you both graduated, they might think of you very fondly, but have decided that in a new phase of life, it is appropriate to get new friends.
> 
> There are many reasons. Do you have a concrete example?


This has happened to me twice with friends I chatted with on Skype. I was usually, if not always, the one initiating contact, and I always wondered if I was just bothering them when they weren't really interested in talking to me. But when we did talk, usually they were friendly.  



Gossip Goat said:


> I don't think they care enough... Do you know if this happens to all their other friends or is it just you?


One of them I think may be like that with everyone, responding but rarely initiating. The other has too many friends, I think, so he's probably selective about who he actively initiates contact with.



Volant said:


> For how long has the person not been in contact with you?


I stopped talking to them for months to see if they would ever initiate contact with me. But they never did.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

snowbell said:


> Really depends. Some are just bad at keeping contact, some will have moved on, some will be busy. It varies, but is hard to tell, unfortunately. Could you contact them and ask what's going on?


I've thought about asking, but I'm not sure that would help. They may feel pressured to pretend they care more than they actually do, either to avoid hurting me or to avoid feeling mean, so I wouldn't know if they're being honest. I mean, I guess they're generally honest people who can be blunt, so maybe they would tell the truth. But still...not necessarily. 

And I don't like the idea of putting someone on the spot like that. It has the potential to be emotional manipulation I think. But on the other hand, my feelings are important too...


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Silveresque said:


> One of them I think may be like that with everyone, responding but rarely initiating. The other has too many friends, I think, so he's probably selective about who he actively initiates contact with.


:-/ That really sucks, I know of someone (who was my friend) like your person and they had many many friends as well but didn't really value friendship on the same level I did. The relationship eventually ended up in disaster (by accident) but yeah I can't handle people who have so many friends that you end up feeling disposable. If you can find a way to keep the friendship and be happy with it do it but if you can't cut ties with them. As for the other person if they're like that with everyone then I wouldn't take it personally but if it really bothers you either talk to them about it, see if it gets better if not then cut ties as well. I'd rather have friends that have the same concept of friendship I have.

If they didn't bother to contact you throughout the period of time you distanced yourself then I really don't think you're of that much importance to them. It may just be their personality, but it may not.

I have "friends" (we've been together for almost 9 years) we were a group and they seemed to be more friendly with each other than they were with me, so eventually I got fed up and met someone who at first was everything i wanted and more but then I realized our relationship was more about her benefit than ours so that ended as well.


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## Deus Absconditus (Feb 27, 2011)

I'm one of those people who doesn't stay in contact with others unless they are within my direct vicinity. I've lived in many different places and became close with many different people but once I have moved away I usually drop all contact, this also includes family members even direct ones. Its not a conscious decision though, its kind of just how I work, I don't see the point in small talk and I'm probably focused on too many things already so trying to keep in contact with everyone that's gotten close to me is way to time consuming, and distracting from what I want to do. I need my freedom to be able to come and go as I please, and those who hinder that freedom I have to inevitably drop because I can't have anyone in my life who will hinder me in any way. 

The good thing is that I view true friendships as being able to not be in contact with someone but whenever they do get in touch with each other again, its as if you two have never been separated or out of contact, as if time never passed byin the first place, being able to pick up where everything left off as if everything never left off but was always in continous motion. Thats what I consider the truest friendships, those friends that will be there till the end no matter how often you two are in contact or the lack of.


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## modern (Oct 27, 2014)

Honestly, I don't feel like people should have to stay in touch to consider someone a best friend, or even close friend.

I recently cleared up a situation where my best friend was under the impression I didn't care about her anymore because I didn't try to contact her or make plans to see each other after high school graduation.
She actually deleted me on all social media, and didn't even tell me something was wrong in the first place. That's not the way to handle a problem after 4 years of best friendship.

It's all cleared up now. But it got me thinking. We weren't on the same page because we viewed the necessity of contact differently (not asking about someone's day =?= not caring about someone's day). I didn't feel we needed to keep in touch because I thought we'd been through enough where we shouldn't fall out of whatever standing we are in with one another, especially because of something so silly as space. I can pick up where I left off pretty quickly with people I don't see or speak to for awhile and I seldom ever really text or talk to my friends/SO unless I'm physically with them. That doesn't mean I don't care. Everyone's different though.


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

I actually forget to initiate contact myself a lot, it's something I've been trying to work on. I suck at small talk and I usually have no subject I really want to talk about, so I don't bother initiating contact.

I do appreciate it if someone else initiate it though. And I can easily continue a friendship with someone I haven't seen in multiple months.


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## kiwig0ld (Nov 7, 2010)

let them be. maybe they live a hectic life, whether that be interior or exterior.


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