# How to get an isfp back!



## hyehh (Mar 8, 2016)

How do I get an isfp back??? We didn’t really date but the feelings were definitely mutual. But us both being Fi dom (I’m an infp..) we were both really why. But he always called me (at least once to twice a day) and texted me, he would ask my advice on the scenerio he was writing. He also said he had a ‘feeling’ from me when he first saw me. ( Well not directly but indirectly). He would tell me about this really cool building he saw a few weeks ago. And then send me a picture of that building the next time he was there. He was also really open with me. He would tell me about his family, friends, his dreams, future goals... But I couldn’t be as open to him as he was because I was so scared if he saw everything of me he would get scared and run away.. And I also got really anxious time to time so there were times I wanted to test if he would text back even if I didn’t (which he did) and for me, answering his calls itself is a way of expressing my feelings. But of course he wouldn’t know that.. So I didn’t really call him first. i would just wait till he calls. Also I was really anxious cause he wouldn’t express his feelings directly and verbally. For me it’s more words than actions. Though I couldn’t express my feelings directly either..So as the time went I sensed him getting tired and losing interest in me.. So I just wanted to end everything cause I was getting REALLY stressed. So I sent him a really long message saying that I have never dated anyone and I’ve had bad experiences with people in the past. So though I tried my best I wasn’t able to experss my whole feelings to you. He said that he thinks I’m a great person too, and he has fun with me but he wants to stay as good friends for a long time...
It’s been about 6months since then. And I thought I could forget about him but it’s harder than I thought. I think I want him back but I don’t know how to and am not sure if he’ll develop feelings for me again.. ever... If you were in a situation like this and I were to text him or something and if I tried would it be able for you to develop feelings again..? Could I get another chance..? If so what should I do and how can I get him back??

Note: We’ve actually known each other for 4 months before we had the courage to reach out to each other. For 4months we would just glance at each other and meet eyes, blush, exchange really shy hi’s and bye’s. Then I gained the courage to ask him out for lunch and since then we kept in contact and had that ’something’ going on for a month before I told him how I felt and he told me he wanted to stay as friends
We instantly clicked and we had so much in common it was almost crazy. And this one time we were on the phone for almost 4 hours. And while we were talking he asked me if I were to find a book with my whole life written in it, would I read it till the end? I answered and when I asked him, he said that life would be so boring if he knew the future. For instance, if the book said he were to marry a girl named Mary but currently he liked a girl named Ann, he would feel so unmotivated. He would tell me about his imaginations and the stories he thought of...we talked about death. He knew things I didn’t tell him about myself... 

As an infp feeling a ‘connection’ is really important for me. And I’ve felt this waith anyone but him. Does isfps strive for Connections as well?? And even though your feelings for that person is no longer there, would you still have a place for that person in your memory or heart? (Someone you had so much common with and felt real connection with.) I wonder if I was and am as special to him as he is to me..

Oh and we live quite far from each other.


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## Forest Nymph (Aug 25, 2018)

You actually have to show him things. You can't just say " I miss you."

I mean if he is attracted to you in the first place matters, with any personality type, you cannot "win over" a person who only likes you as a friend (or less).

As long as he has an attraction to you, and there's some kind of "tension" or other relationship with the two of you, I suggest doing things like attracting him with the weirdest independent films you've seen lately (what weird movies have you seen lately?), or some interesting things you've done lately (like if you went to South Africa), or if you like some of the same bands (like you both like Arcade Fire and you send him an Arcade Fire video or even better a band he's never heard of that is similar). Or whatever subject he likes. If he likes oceans, talk to him about sharks in Hawaii. Make him feel like you "get him" no matter what.

I recently met a guy I like. He was able to look up and interpret my tat because he actually speaks Chinese and my tattoo is Mandarin, and he does music and I sing and he tapped into that. ISFPs do that. I had a year and a half relationship with a guy who could communicate with me through music and ironic mockery of popular culture, and share with me about 80s nostalgia. I thought this guy was like god (of course I was also physically attracted to him) ...and it's also good just to be nice and accepting, I think ISFPs like people we can connect with because it's hard for us, so if you really make us feel mothered or something we'll love you, we like feeling like you "get" us whether it's through kayaking hobbies or sympathy.


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## Bluezone (Dec 24, 2018)

That is going to be tough one, unless he wants you back too.

For me, if friendships have ended, I don't look back. 
I go do some traveling.

Sorry :\

From your friend, ISFP
Best regards.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

You are living on two different planes of existence.
And you did stuff that would make most people regardless of type run away.

I'd like to give you hope and such, but for me to do so, you need to give up the hope you have.
The saying: "Don't cry over spilt milk." is an apt one here.

You spilled the milk, and now it is ruined.
Hence if you want a relationship, you need to go back to what worked the first time.
Namely using that courage of yours, and reaching out to a new person.
Preferably someone who doesn't live so far away.


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