# Completely Useless or Overly Specific Superpowers



## TyTy (Dec 3, 2011)

Dysfunctional Superheroes anyone? I've been compiling a list of these for a while and admittedly they entertain me far too much. It has become some sort sick sort of obsession I have at the moment. Please feel free to add any or come up with some of your own 

Super heroes or villains that have the lamest or most useless power... 
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Like the ability to see anyone naked, but only if they are over the age of 50. 

The ability to resist being mind-controlled by evil geniuses...but if you are near something that has an IQ under 30 you grant them the ability to mind control you...animals included. 

The ability to have amazingly LONG lasting orgasms; but they trigger randomly regardless of where you are or what you are doing.

Insult man, the ability to see the biggest flaw in everyone that you meet...and then feel obligated to make sure they know about it. 

The ability to understand the emotional needs of small rodents and insects. 

Aroma Man...instead of passing gas that has an odor...it freshens up any room that he exits or enters. 

Paranoia Man. You can read the thoughts of others but only when they are negative AND about you.

HubbaBubba boy: a faithful sidekick that has the ability to blow enormous bubblegum shields around himself and his partner...that anything can pop or penetrate, leaving them covered in sticky gum.

The ability to have x-ray vision, but only when someone near you is doing something that you find disgusting. 

Flaccid man; has the ability to seduce any woman, but can't get a ....you know 

The ability to teleport, but only into a random prison cell anywhere in the world. 

The ability to jump really high...but only in a vertical direction.

The ability to fly, but then require a ridiculous amount of time to float like a feather... ever so slowly... down from the air. 

The ability to breathe under water but once submerged, your feet become buoys... causing you to become inverted in the water and unable to swim in any one direction.

Ok, I think that's enough for now ...let's hear some of yours Lol


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## LetsHarmonize (May 29, 2014)

The power to transform into a snail. But only when attempting to travel long distances.

The ability to change the font of words on official documents such as birth certificates and passports.

I don't have the will to come up with more.


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## nuut (Jan 13, 2014)

Sneezing cement


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## Tzara (Dec 21, 2013)

The ability to automatically turn every colourful t shirt you wear to gray

The ability to turn into a fish, but only works on ground

The ability to go bald in seconds


The ability to displace your fingernails


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

I took this hilarious quiz awhile ago which had some very funny superpowers. I can't remember it though. :'(


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## Tzara (Dec 21, 2013)

The ability to forget the quizes you took but only when the results are relevant


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## -Alpha- (Dec 30, 2013)

Teleportation!!!! 

At the same speed you walk.


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## sieni (Apr 28, 2014)

Ability to make anyone love you but you start to hate the person with your whole being.

Ability to feel infinite happiness for a second but then forgetting everything about it.

Ability to know everything moments before you die.
Ability to know everything but you are unable to tell anyone what you know in any way.

Ability to make people you've never met have nightmares.

Being unbeatable in all nonprofitable games you hate.

Having sharpest nose but only when you are in a sewer.

Ability to break any object you value.

Touch of Midas.


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## wittyone360 (Jun 16, 2014)

Telekinesis on objects light enough that you can pick them up, and only if you're touching them. And it expends the same amount of energy.
The ability to say things that make no sense to anyone. 
Being a good dancer, but only to songs that you hate. The rest of the time, you look like a decapitated chicken wearing sandpaper underwear.
Infinite knowledge on the history of the door knob.
The ability to make any woman/man orgasm, but be unable to orgasm yourself.
Know every word that starts with X. Xanax to xylophone.
Ability to read the minds of the masses, but only when every person is thinking the same thing.


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## ChocolateBunny (Aug 5, 2013)

The ability to have 24/7 high-speed access to the internet in your mind, but only for websites that no longer work.
The ability to rule the world that takes 200 years to charge.
The ability to make your hair extremely soft and shiny for 10 seconds when people insult it.
The ability to make a person fall in love with you if you give them a 1 million dollar gift once a week. The person will instantly hate you if you miss even one week.
The ability to get a few small rodents to protect you when being attacked by a lion or tiger.
The ability to destroy anything instantly if it's made entirely of glue.
The ability to instantly tell when someone is thinking about payphones.


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## AlphaOmega (Jun 14, 2014)

TyTy said:


> The ability to understand the emotional needs of small rodents and insects.
> 
> Aroma Man...instead of passing gas that has an odor...it freshens up any room that he exits or enters.
> 
> ...




Understanding the emotional need of Cockroaches and Mice is a very handy superpower.
And transforming my farts in fragrance sounds like an awesome superpower.
A Paranoia man who can only read negative thoughts, is no different than an actual mind reader, not able to read someone = they are thinking nice thoughts about him.
Jump = Vertical, Leap = Horizontal. So what's wrong with that power again?


TyTy said:


> Insult man, the ability to see the biggest flaw in everyone that you meet...and then feel obligated to make sure they know about it.


Welcome to my life.


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## Syncopy (Feb 20, 2014)

This thread immediately reminded me of this:


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

The ability to fly, at an altitude on 2 feet off the ground, but only at airports or in landed airplanes.


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## Inkblood (Apr 17, 2014)

Invisibility. Technically, if you were invisible, light would pass directly through your cornea instead of reflecting off it.


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## Scelerat (Oct 21, 2012)

TyTy said:


> Insult man, the ability to see the biggest flaw in everyone that you meet...and then feel obligated to make sure they know about it.


I have this one already and it's quite useful. 

New abilities: 

*The ability to automatically seduce anyone you come into contact with, but of the opposite gender to your preference. *

*The ability to come up with the perfect solution to all the problems in the world, but you lose your ability to communicate. 

*


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## Tzara (Dec 21, 2013)

Wonszu said:


>


This


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## TyTy (Dec 3, 2011)

Tzara said:


> This


LOL awesome


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## yentipeee (Jun 19, 2013)

Walk on water, turn water to wine, mom is a virgin, dad is invisible...


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## Tzara (Dec 21, 2013)

yentipeee said:


> Walk on water, turn water to wine, mom is a virgin, dad is invisible...


be supremely powerful but you cant interract with anyone or anything and you can only communicate through contradictory books.


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## Alles_Paletti (May 15, 2013)

Invincible-when-not-in-any-danger-man. 

Explosion man: Can generate flames from his hands but only when standing in an explosive gas or dust cloud.

Silent man: Has the ability to not snore unless someone is sleeping close by.

Imitation man: Can perfectly copy the facial expression and voice of anyone but will constantly compulsively imitate the person closest by.

Proclaimer man: Has the ability to walk 500 miles, but then has to walk 500 more.

Polyglot man: Knows every language in the world but every word he speaks is from a random language. 

Smiling man: Has the ability to genuinely smile on pictures. But he always stares and never blinks O_O

Animal man: Has the ability that all animals like him. But also want to hump him.


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## Tom Soy Sauce (Jul 25, 2013)

Multilingual Tourettes Man: The ability to fluently speak every language but only conjure up the obscenities in said language.


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## Guest1234 (Jun 3, 2014)

Voodoo Doll Man - the ability to make another person share your pain. For example, if you punch yourself the person you are thinking of will feel like he was punched aswell.


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## tangosthenes (Oct 29, 2011)

Thomas60 said:


> The ability to magically replace door handles with another door handle at random.


I think that would be a pretty good thief superpower...replace door handle with door handle that allows opening of the door

The ability to make someone's vision composed entirely of microscopic pennies that resolve into a normal image


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## Green Girl (Oct 1, 2010)

The ability to spell words backwards as easily as forwards. I actually have this superpower. tI si eht tsom sselesu ytiliba reve.


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## Roland Khan (May 10, 2009)

Toelessness: The power of being able to walk without toes. 


Hair Manipulation: The power of growing/retracting hair on ones body


The Staring Contester: Ability to go long periods of time without blinking


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## Green Girl (Oct 1, 2010)

How about Cassandra's, from the Iliad: The power of making true predictions, that no one will believe.


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## TyTy (Dec 3, 2011)

Alles_Paletti said:


> Invincible-when-not-in-any-danger-man.
> 
> Silent man: Has the ability to not snore unless someone is sleeping close by.
> 
> ...



Lol these are too funny

Here, I'll add a new one... makes me laugh thinking about it

Origami Man: Ability to transform random pieces of paper into various realistic/intimidating looking weapons... until he tries to use them


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## Roland Khan (May 10, 2009)

The Urinator: Able to piss long distances and on command

The Guy: Get an erection in every non-sexual situation


The Republican: Nourishment from bulls' shit.


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## aphinion (Apr 30, 2013)

The ability to resurrect anyone from the dead, but that person will spend the rest of their life trying to hunt you down and kill you. 

The ability to perform any acrobatic trick on earth, but whenever someone claps you begin crying profusely. 

The ability to entirely change your gender, but it happens at random and you have no control over it. 

The ability to remember any event perfectly, but only if it is particularly disgusting or emotionally scarring.

The ability to time travel... permanently.

The ability to lucid dream perfectly, but you never feel the need to sleep. 

Super strength, but you have no control over how much power you use. 

Flying, but you have to flap your arms like wings to stay in the air and you look absolutely ridiculous while doing it. 

The ability to pause time, but you age doubly fast while time is paused. 

You never gain a single pound past your ideal weight, but you still _look _fatter if you don't eat healthily. 

Mind control, but people are aware that you are controlling them, and once you stop they'll be _pissed._

The ability to sleep for excessive periods of time. 

The ability to always push on pull doors and pull on push doors. 

Extreme creativity, but absolutely no writing, drawing, painting, or musical talent what-so-ever.


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