# INTP/NFP relations



## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

You know... I find it interesting and frustrating... and I want to vent...

I don't get it... I myself, along with so many other INTPs I see in these forums and in real life absolutely adore NFPs... and in stride, I see thread after thread saying "Oh, INTPs are great", "Oh, I love INTPs", "INTPs are the greatest type ever"... and so on... they are all over the place...

in these threads NFPs are often saying "I wish I knew more INTPs", "where do I meet INTPs", and so on...

my issue is... INTPs are straight forward and to the point when it comes to relationships, once they decide they want to pursue someone, NFPs on the other hand love pursuing something that they don't have... *So...* once the INTP decides they like someone, and wants to engage them (which took them *A LOT* to build up the courage to do), the NFP instantly loses interest because they know they can have it... *it is frustrating!!!

/rant off
*
So... here's the deal... I want more NFPs in my life... I love you guys... I have never met an NFP that I have not liked... So... chat with me... I love talking to people on my MSN, and you guys are always a blast... reach out and make friends with your friendly neighborforum INTP!

[email protected] (MSN messanger, and e-mail)

That is all :laughing:


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## jadesea (May 8, 2010)

Getting bored of people quickly is an ENFP thing. ENFP's and INFP's are similar in that they can figure out a person's personality (thoughts/feelings/attitudes) very quickly, but they're different in that once an ENFP has someone figured out they get bored where an INFP would probably want to bond with someone once they understand them if they like what they see.

That being said I really enjoy the company of INTP's. I love the sharp wit, I love the intelligence, I love the charming reserve, but most of all I love the unpretentiousness (a marked contrast from INTJ's). I know I'm not the only xNFP who feels this way.

Just go start conversations with people who seem interesting to you and you'll find them. We're people just like you.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

Yeah, ENFPs & INFPs are two different creatures. I am not much like any ENFPs I know. In many ways, I can relate way more to the INTP personality. 

INFPs don't usually get bored of INTPs - the INTP usually sticks his foot in his mouth (from my experience & hearing others). Check any urge to be argumentative and condescending, show some respect for our values & intelligence, and we'll probably keep you around :wink:

That said, I can really like INTPs and have been friends with many. It's a shame some had to be dicks and ruin it.


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

OrangeAppled said:


> Yeah, ENFPs & INFPs are two different creatures. I am not much like any ENFPs I know. In many ways, I can relate way more to the INTP personality.
> 
> INFPs don't usually get bored of INTPs - the INTP usually sticks his foot in his mouth (from my experience & hearing others). Check any urge to be argumentative and condescending, show some respect for our values & intelligence, and we'll probably keep you around :wink:
> 
> That said, I can really like INTPs and have been friends with many. It's a shame some had to be dicks and ruin it.


Yeah, I knew there was that difference between I/E NFPs in general... The from my perspective, I usually don't really worry abot the I/E prefernce when typing people, mainly because until you are spending personal time with them, it doesn't matter... in most day to day transaction between people, you generally have to fake "E" in western society

I am sorry for generalizing the INFPs in the crowd with the E's with that statement... for me... the parts of the INFP and the ENFP that I really like are the same traits between the 2 types... I love you NFPs for your playfulness, brains, and ability to get me out of my shell.

Anyway... huggles to all of you... I am also ennagram type 9 INTP, so I am a bit better then some of the other INTPs I know personally (I have 4 INTP people in my life, but they are all 5's) at picking up on bodily cues and acting on them... even if it is just to say "sorry for pushing the issue too far" and giving them a hug (I have been trained by my 2 INFJ ex-gf's and my ENFJ best friend)


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## WhiteLocust (May 7, 2010)

Excelsio said:


> the NFP instantly loses interest because they know they can have it... it is frustrating!!!


:shocked: I hadn't thought about it before but that totally makes sense! :|


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## Later Days (Jan 19, 2010)

I think we work lovely as friends, but as I've recently learned: ENFP-INTP romantic relationship can often end turbulently and with tears from both parties.


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

Waffle said:


> I think we work lovely as friends, but as I've recently learned: ENFP-INTP romantic relationship can often end turbulently and with tears from both parties.


Well... the thing with any NT/NF romantic (and any close relationship for that matter) is the ability for both parties to be willing to have meta-conversations, shit hits the fan... people get pissed off... you come back after cooling down and talk about why what each other said caused the reaction it did, through that, you generally figure out what each person intended and everyone is happy (even better when you can have the meta-conversation before someone gets too pissed off...


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## Wheelie (Apr 2, 2010)

Oh I dunno INTPs arn't the best at expressing their emotions. The ENFP needs a lot of a encouragement and affection. Well just talking from experience.


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## Wheelie (Apr 2, 2010)

ACtually, not to fish for too many compliments. My INTP friend said the same but I didn't ask why she liked NF so much. Would you please share as to why we're the object of your affection?


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## Catfish (Apr 19, 2010)

Aww, yay! I love INTPs! You guys just seem to have a wit and charm that's all your own. One of my longest friendships (twelve years!) is with an INTP. (Actually, I crushed on him a few times over the years…) But anyhow, I'm glad to hear from an INTP who appreciates INFPs as much as I appreciate you guys! :3 *hug*


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

Willy said:


> ACtually, not to fish for too many compliments. My INTP friend said the same but I didn't ask why she liked NF so much. Would you please share as to why we're the object of your affection?


To be honest, I like NFPs and NFJs for different reasons (which make sense with NFPs = Ne, Fi; and NFJs - Ni, Fe)...

I like NFJs because they teach me about my weakest function, Fe. I am an Ennegram type 9, so I am one of those INTPs whose Fe is important to them, my Fe is also more developed than my Si (which is 3rd function).

I like NFPs because with the shared Ne, we just have soooo much fun. My closest male friend is an ENFP, I have known him since Grade 10, he is actually the only person from High School that I am in regular contact with.

NFs get me... they take an interest in me and help me grow, help me express myself. no other type can do that for me.

I have been trying to date another INTP (type 5), we have seen each other for the last 3 months, but I am just not feeling the connection I feel with NFs, and that connection is very important to me. we just feel more like friends than lovers.

Anyway... I am really trying to get more NFs in my life... so PLEASE send me an IM my MSN link is right there


<---------- (the little dude under my stats box)


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## Later Days (Jan 19, 2010)

Excelsio said:


> Well... the thing with any NT/NF romantic (and any close relationship for that matter) is the ability for both parties to be willing to have meta-conversations, shit hits the fan... people get pissed off... you come back after cooling down and talk about why what each other said caused the reaction it did, through that, you generally figure out what each person intended and everyone is happy (even better when you can have the meta-conversation before someone gets too pissed off...


 No, our biggest disagreements were on the subject of if being gay was a choice and if people who couldn't afford health care deserved it.
I brought up the examples of my two best friends (A gay and a lesbian) who both agreed their lives would've been easier if they weren't gay, and the fact that my dad will never be able to afford health care coverage, but has various skin cancers and lower back problems.
He usually just said that his opinion was right and I was wrong and that was the end of that.

Also, the INTP's insecurity that leads to jealousy. I'm a damned ENFP, and a really not flirty one at that. In fact, I ended up dumping most of my social life for him, yet it wasn't ever enough. He's still shame me and make me feel horrible for hanging out with anyone but him.

I've heard of INTP/ENFP relationships working out... but that's about 2%.

However, the biggest factor that could have contributed to it was distance (We only got to see each other once a week), which fueled his paranoia/insecurity and my need for direct attention and to be hugged and cuddled.


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

Waffle said:


> No, our biggest disagreements were on the subject of if being gay was a choice and if people who couldn't afford health care deserved it.
> I brought up the examples of my two best friends (A gay and a lesbian) who both agreed their lives would've been easier if they weren't gay, and the fact that my dad will never be able to afford health care coverage, but has various skin cancers and lower back problems.
> He usually just said that his opinion was right and I was wrong and that was the end of that.


No it's not a choice, and Yes, they do deserve it

I don't think its an issue of whether or not someone's life would be easier if they weren't gay, its a matter of society being intolerant of people who are different. I wish that people of various minorities did not have to deal with all the shit western society puts them through.

I am born and raised Canadian, I love public health care, I think it's one of the best things government can do for it's wards



Waffle said:


> Also, the INTP's insecurity that leads to jealousy. I'm a damned ENFP, and a really not flirty one at that. In fact, I ended up dumping most of my social life for him, yet it wasn't ever enough. He's still shame me and make me feel horrible for hanging out with anyone but him.


It's not INTP insecurity, it has more to do with upbringing and society... I for one encourage flirting and sexuality... I think it is absolutly great when people can be playful with each other.

My best friend is a female ENFJ (who is engaged to another INTP), we flirt all the time, we've kissed, we cuddle regularly, foot/back rubs... the fiance is not jealous, because he knows that at the end of the night, she is going home with him, and on the same token... I know that if they are having a rough patch or something, to back off a bit with the flirtiness myself to not throw another cog in the gears of a tense situation... 

So yeah, it is not about "INTP insecurity" it is insecurity in one's relationship.

Main reason I want to meet more ENFx's is so that they can be my gateway to more people, because of their social freedom and playfulness



Waffle said:


> I've heard of INTP/ENFP relationships working out... but that's about 2%.


I think most relationships are more about communicating then type...



Waffle said:


> However, the biggest factor that could have contributed to it was distance (We only got to see each other once a week), which fueled his paranoia/insecurity and my need for direct attention and to be hugged and cuddled.


yeah, that can be a large issue... long distance relationships take a lot of work... but it too can be overcome when people are onside with each other in understanding why you need more people and he understands that even with all these other options and flirtiness, you are choosing to have an attachment to him...


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

Waffle said:


> No, our biggest disagreements were on the subject of if being gay was a choice and if people who couldn't afford health care deserved it.
> I brought up the examples of my two best friends (A gay and a lesbian) who both agreed their lives would've been easier if they weren't gay, and the fact that my dad will never be able to afford health care coverage, but has various skin cancers and lower back problems.
> He usually just said that his opinion was right and I was wrong and that was the end of that.



I should also say that this isn't a personality issue... this is a fundamental belief system issue...

there are somethings that once someone makes up their mind on the issue, you are not going to change their mind...

you either as a couple, choose to accept that you won't agree on everything (if you did agree on everything, life would be dull, anyway) and enjoy the things you guys do have in common, or choose to keep fighting about the same things over and over again until the relationship falls apart.


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## Later Days (Jan 19, 2010)

Excelsio said:


> I should also say that this isn't a personality issue... this is a fundamental belief system issue...
> 
> there are somethings that once someone makes up their mind on the issue, you are not going to change their mind...
> 
> you either as a couple, choose to accept that you won't agree on everything (if you did agree on everything, life would be dull, anyway) and enjoy the things you guys do have in common, or choose to keep fighting about the same things over and over again until the relationship falls apart.


Having different beliefs wasn't the issue, I just didn't like having my opinion voided because he just simply declared it was wrong. I think the INTP, much like ENTP, tend to never give an inch, so that it becomes massively frustrating to the ENFP.
My mom is an ENTP, and we have similar problems.
Also, two personalities that tend to have massive insecurity issues probably shouldn't look to each other to fill the void.


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## Wheelie (Apr 2, 2010)

YEAH , the ENTP never gives an inch, its like the end of the world if they do. Jesus. I'm Jealous of you ENTP's, I enjoy your company, your wit and under control demeanor, however I feel like a guinea pig in a lab when I'm around you guys, always pushing my buttons. GRRRR, and the massive thing that ticks me off is my ENTP friend is always trying to elicit an emotional response from me, but if he doesn't like it, he condemns me for it. Like he'd ask for an opinion, and then cut me down with his logic, and bring up contradicting statements I made in the past, holy shit am I giving a court statement?!

Do you want the emotion or not? LOL:tongue:


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## Later Days (Jan 19, 2010)

Willy said:


> YEAH , the ENTP never gives an inch, its like the end of the world if they do. Jesus. I'm Jealous of you ENTP's, I enjoy your company, your wit and under control demeanor, however I feel like a guinea pig in a lab when I'm around you guys, always pushing my buttons. GRRRR, and the massive thing that ticks me off is my ENTP friend is always trying to elicit an emotional response from me, but if he doesn't like it, he condemns me for it. Like he'd ask for an opinion, and then cut me down with his logic, and bring up contradicting statements I made in the past, holy shit am I giving a court statement?!
> 
> Do you want the emotion or not? LOL:tongue:


Haha. I learned the best way to tweak my ENTP mother: Stop showing emotion at all. Stay bland.
When she used to yell at me, it'd often be to provoke a response, and as soon as she got the response she wanted, she'd yell more, then usually end up crying with me and telling me about her problemss. Though this isn't bad, us ENFPs really don't like to be yelled at. So to just play the same game back, I'd talk in a really bland and uncaring voice.


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## Noxus (Nov 24, 2009)

Excelsio said:


> Well... the thing with any NT/NF romantic (and any close relationship for that matter) is the ability for both parties to be willing to have meta-conversations, shit hits the fan... people get pissed off... you come back after cooling down and talk about why what each other said caused the reaction it did, through that, you generally figure out what each person intended and everyone is happy (even better when you can have the meta-conversation before someone gets too pissed off...


Oh my god I agree with you 110%. One of my best friends is an INTP, and the majority of our conversations turn into meta-conversations. And meta-conversations is the one thing I can successfully converse about in person without ever feeling awkward or feeling that the dialogue is forced. There's so much to talk about with INTP's! :laughing:


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## MyAlterEgo (May 17, 2010)

As an INFP I find that really flattering


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## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

Excelsio said:


> No it's not a choice, and Yes, they do deserve it
> 
> My best friend is a female ENFJ (who is engaged to another INTP), we flirt all the time, we've kissed, we cuddle regularly, foot/back rubs... the fiance is not jealous, because he knows that at the end of the night, she is going home with him, and on the same token... I know that if they are having a rough patch or something, to back off a bit with the flirtiness myself to not throw another cog in the gears of a tense situation...


If my boyfriend gave back rubs to, cuddled, and/or kissed someone else I'd dump him like he'd never been dumped before. 

On another note, I love INTxs! Can't really stand a lot of the extroverted NTs, they just tend to be so incredibly conceited.


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## JulyB2 (Jan 30, 2010)

So funny you have a Disclaimer  I have a HUGE disclaimer on my blog. It's totally true- yes, yes I understand there are two sides to every situation & I am Usually the one to point it out, but most things I say *should be taken with a grain of salt.

I was thinking this today on the way home from work- for me, being a talker and all, it's hard not to share my feelings or tell someone how I am or how I think because there *REALLY IS* no total rule of thumb. I have THE hardest time taking personality quizzes and things like that because there NEVER is a "NEVER" or "ALWAYS" answer with me... it always depends on the situation. So even breaking something down to how Often I do or don't do something is irrelevant because it depends on the situation. I may be late to a party 9 times out of 10, but be on time to school 9 times out of ten


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## milkinbags (May 21, 2010)

I don't know any INTPs, but I know my younger sister who is an INTJ does and she's not too keen on them. She doesn't dislike them, since some of them are her friends, but she says it's easy to get frustrated by them.

But like, I said. I haven't any interaction with people that I know to be INTPs so I can't judge. You sound swell though!


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

milkinbags said:


> I don't know any INTPs, but I know my younger sister who is an INTJ does and she's not too keen on them. She doesn't dislike them, since some of them are her friends, but she says it's easy to get frustrated by them.
> 
> But like, I said. I haven't any interaction with people that I know to be INTPs so I can't judge. You sound swell though!


he he he... NTJs are my least favorite of the "N" types, there is just someting about that Te as a primary/secondary trait that I find draining...

I know many NTJs find us INTPs indecisive, and on the flip side, I find the NTJs attitude of "I'm right, end of discussion" trying.

NTPs love debate, and actually, for the most part, like being proven wrong (when someone uses sound logic to prove us wrong), because... if we are proven wrong, we have learned something new...

NTJs quite often have the attitude that they are never wrong... but hey... that ENTJ is who I am going to go to when I need to sell an idea to management... 

ask your sister what bothers her about the INTP, I am curious to know...


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## milkinbags (May 21, 2010)

Excelsio said:


> he he he... NTJs are my least favorite of the "N" types, there is just someting about that Te as a primary/secondary trait that I find draining...
> 
> I know many NTJs find us INTPs indecisive, and on the flip side, I find the NTJs attitude of "I'm right, end of discussion" trying.
> 
> ...


I just got through talking to my sister and she said that she's actually really good friends with an INTP. I guess I remembered what she said incorrectly or something. She told me how they're like a watered down, less sure of themselves INTJ. Her only problem with them is that when they try to convince you of something, you can tell they're trying to convince themselves as well (or something along those lines). I guess you guys aren't all that bad to her at all. She favours you guys over most other types.


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## Excelsio (Jan 27, 2010)

milkinbags said:


> I just got through talking to my sister and she said that she's actually really good friends with an INTP. I guess I remembered what she said incorrectly or something. She told me how they're like a watered down, less sure of themselves INTJ. Her only problem with them is that when they try to convince you of something, you can tell their trying to convince themselves as well (or something along those lines). I guess you guys aren't all that bad to her at all. She favours you guys over most other types.


HA HA HA... well... that is because we ARE trying to convince ourselves as well...

We share the same Ne bane as our NFP counterparts in that we can see that there can always be an alternative solution to anything...


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Excelsio said:


> You know... I find it interesting and frustrating... and I want to vent...
> 
> I don't get it... I myself, along with so many other INTPs I see in these forums and in real life absolutely adore NFPs... and in stride, I see thread after thread saying "Oh, INTPs are great", "Oh, I love INTPs", "INTPs are the greatest type ever"... and so on... they are all over the place...
> 
> ...



You may be surprised or not.... but INTP's ALSO think what they don't have is what they want. It's really frustrating I know. Cause you have one INFP chasing the INTP and then when they have them..... they loose interest.... and then since the INTP doesn't have the INFP.... the INTP begins chasing the INFP..... cycles xD. This is generalizing though. It isn't always this way at all.


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## thisisme (Apr 11, 2010)

jadesea said:


> Getting bored of people quickly is an ENFP thing. ENFP's and INFP's are similar in that they can figure out a person's personality (thoughts/feelings/attitudes) very quickly, but they're different in that once an ENFP has someone figured out they get bored where an INFP would probably want to bond with someone once they understand them if they like what they see.
> 
> That being said I really enjoy the company of INTP's. I love the sharp wit, I love the intelligence, I love the charming reserve, but most of all I love the unpretentiousness (a marked contrast from INTJ's). I know I'm not the only xNFP who feels this way.
> 
> Just go start conversations with people who seem interesting to you and you'll find them. We're people just like you.


just noting my offense...carry on. :dry:


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

thisisme said:


> just noting my offense...carry on. :dry:


To be fair.... ENFP's do tend to. And to also be fair..... INFP's do too.... just takes a bit longer.... but it certainly happens.


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## thisisme (Apr 11, 2010)

well i think it's a matter of not seeing things accurately. i don't get bored of people once i figure them out but i will always be interested in new people...so if you're looking at it wrong you might not get the difference....i have lots of old friends and have long relationships.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

thisisme said:


> well i think it's a matter of not seeing things accurately. i don't get bored of people once i figure them out but i will always be interested in new people...so if you're looking at it wrong you might not get the difference....i have lots of old friends and have long relationships.


i agree actually.... it just looks like we get bored of people..... trueee


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## Killian (Jun 4, 2010)

I must say this. 

I am an ENFP and I don't let go of others easily. Or get bored with others. I get bored of _things_ but not people. People leave me before I'm willing to leave them. And that is why I have a few trust issues. >.>

Proof? I have two friendships that have lasted since I was two. I still think about friends that moved when I was six. I'm ready to jump to the side of friends that abandoned me for others long ago. It might just be me personally or my upbringing but I don't get bored of people. Or things I place sentimental value on. Animals also never bore me because I love them. :3

However, I do know for a fact I listen and empathize well. Even with people I simply consider acquaintances. I don't know if they consider me a friend, but I am willing to understand and help them with their problems--However, I am not always going to be there for them. I don't feel a strong sense of loyalty towards them and I suppose it can seem like I get bored of them but really, I never considered them close to begin with. I don't share my secrets with them but they shared with me. I still keep their secrets and don't wish them harm but I'm not going to go to the ends of Earth for them like my actual friends.

Another thing is... Sometimes I think someone can handle my weirdness but I must test this. If I think they can't, I do lose interest in them as a potential friend since they can't cope with my true personality and beliefs. And, even more, if someone has left or I feel like they've left me, I _will not under any circumstance _choose them over the friends that stayed with me. Whether this seems like me tiring of them or not.

I'm not sure what you meant by getting bored and leaving but I felt like I had to say that. Don't know if others are the same way but I know I am and I'm sure there are other ENFPs that agree with how I am.

Now, on a lighter note, you seem like a fun person to talk to. ^-^


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Come out of the damn closet already or I'll bash the door down and take you on an imaginary tour of the universe wether you want to or not.


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