# How The MBTI Types Flirt/What They're Attracted To



## Auxuris

entps need *interesting people*
also it helps if they're *good-looking*
don't forget that a *certain level of mental capability* is needed
honestly, i think we might be the *pickest people ever*

but its fine high standards are fine we'll make them the thing

and entps i believe, are _naturally flirty_
we don't actually have to like someone to flirt, 
so long we don't dislike them its go
its like, we treat guys and girls the same so it comes off as flirting too


we make insults without being offensive
goes to say that when we can tease we tease at every opportunity
spontaneous, always spontaneous
but for entp girls it never goes overly giggly
for entp guys, well, i certainly hope not

for entp girls they rarely give direct compliments
actually if they start insulting you,
it show that they don't mind, and even enjoy your presence

we'll never say 
"aw i like your hair today"
we'd probably say
"oh look, your hair's better compared to what you did yesterday"
but danger alert if someone who knows us well suspects its a true compliment, we might add in:
"want me to mess it up for you?"

in fact, saying "i like your shoelaces" 
(no, like for example i really like your shoelaces ...not the.. other thing)
*i actually had to learn to say things like that

*our compliments are "not bad" and "that's an improvement"
unless you're talking about really brilliant situations/characters in shows
then we'd go "holy shit" and "_excellent_ murder"


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## Vincisomething

Morn said:


> INTJs generally have no interest in small talk or chit-chat and do don't flirting. In fact INTJs will tend to consider flirting idiotic because of how indirect it is. Our attitude will tend to be 'Just get to the point and stop all this nonsense'
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, that's how it works with INTJs. We don't flirt, we start up an in-depth intellectual conversation get the person involved in our interests.
> As our means of getting to know the person is through intellectual means, brains will tend to be more important than looks.


Yup, we don't flirt. If an INTJ has enough social confidence to talk to their crush, they'll just talk to the person they like as they would with anyone else. They don't have to be deep, intellectual conversations like quantum physics or astrology, but a conversation is fine. Just something where we're bouncing off of each other verbally. How I talk to a classmate, a friend, sometimes a stranger, or a crush is pretty much the same. I'm still a bit shy around my crush, so when I'm talking to him, it's usually when we're in a group conversation... but how I talk to him is still the same. Sorry if that's confusing to you non-INTJs, haha. However, I'll smile at them or laugh at every joke- like a lot of people do.


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## krabkrab

I don't know if any other INTPs do this, but whenever I have a crush I like to just give very subtle hints that I like them but not make it obvious. And when I say subtle, I really mean "This person would probably not notice what I am doing unless they are looking for it." But then if they were looking for it, they probably like me, right? Either that or someone told them I like them and they're trying to see if that was legit or just a rumor.

And as for what I'm attracted to... well aside from being good-looking (because seriously, literally everyone likes people that are attractive to them) I guess being nice/sweet helps a lot... I think the word I'm REALLY looking for here is "affectionate." Also it helps to have some common interests because I'm going to get bored fast if we have nothing in common.


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## zeelf

krabkrab said:


> I don't know if any other INTPs do this, but whenever I have a crush I like to just give very subtle hints that I like them but not make it obvious. And when I say subtle, I really mean "This person would probably not notice what I am doing unless they are looking for it."


Yeah, cause to most people it's "just being casually friendly" but for us it's like really an effort and one only worth making for the chosen few, right?

Anyway, congrats, you're doing way better than me. The more I like someone, the more I hide from them. Otherwise if someone expresses interest and I don't find them unbearable, I passively accept them into my life. That's the only reason I've ever had relationships actually. With all the wrong folks, but that's another story.

And since only now do I realize this thread is also about what we are attracted to: I like a bit of mystery. I can "figure out" most people rather easily, which makes things boring, so I need someone who can keep my Ti interested without even trying. Someone who will run away from the world with me (but understand that I still need a bit of my alone time while we run away from the world together). Warm, but not smothering. Feely, but able to deal with my logic. Currently hopelessly crushing on the darkest, wisest, creepiest, cutest, most supernatural, most dirty minded, most affectionate in all the right ways, most broken hearted INFP loner artist possible.


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## SaysWho

When I flirt it's pretty darn obvious. I like to put the guy on the spot, crack some jokes directed at him, and gauge his level of comfort and confidence replying. I also prefer to be the one to come on strong at first. For some reason it's such a big turn off when a guy approaches me overtly, I prefer guys who are low key in how they present themselves/react to others.


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## monemi

Fleurelle said:


> The search function tells me there's a thread on this, but I didn't want to necromance it up, and it wasn't exactly what I intended anyway :tongue:
> 
> In your experience:
> 
> (1) how do the different types flirt (No need to cover all the types unless you know that from experience, ofc) and
> 
> (2) what is any particular type often attracted to/what do they want in a partner? (Trickier question, ofc everyone is different yadda yadda - but who knows, we might actually see some consensus)
> 
> Feel free to contribute, even if you only know a bit about a few types!  I've done 5 so far, based on what I know. Will probably do more later. *If you think part of the OP is wrong, point it out to me and I'll edit/correct it assuming PerC allows me to do so indefinitely *
> 
> *ESTP*
> 
> (1) I haven't known that many ESTPs, so this could be off (hence why I'm editing the OP as necessary as people respond) but there have been a few (guys only, so this could be off) who've chased me. I've noticed that they really seemed to like "the thrill of the chase," but seemed to get bored/be a tad turned off when I reciprocated in kind. Quite bold by way of staring at me all the time and making it obvious they liked me, but not always willing to come up and talk (Then again, they were also upper-middle-class British, and quite "gentlemanly" a lot of the time :laughing I've heard that ENFJs sometimes like the idea of love more than they like the actual person, at least in my case it seemed like the ESTPs liked the chase more than they like the actual person lol.
> 
> (2) Again, this could be off, but I've heard that ESTP men (perhaps due to being a naturally stereotypically "masculine," chasing type), at least, go for "princessy", feminine type girls? (Any ESTP women weighing in on what they like would be grand). Then again, the guys above seemed attracted to me because I went to the same gym as them and was on a lot of sports teams that they were also part of, but that could have been because they also liked "cool" things, and according to them lifting weights as a girl was very cool.


When I was single, a lot (and I mean a lot) of girlfriends over the years, warned me off of chases guys. When that many people tell me the same thing, I take heed. Especially when I was younger and just not as confident. Waiting for guys to come to me, just wasn't my strong suite. I flirted in obvious ways and failed to attract the kind of guys I really wanted to date and usually ended up with guys who were jerks. It was a mistake. Eventually, I got fed up and ignored conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom ignores ESTP's. I started asking out guys that I was attracted to. Mostly those uptight guys that take life too seriously. Is there anything more fun than winding them up? I really prefer to be the one asking for a date. Wasn't long after that I met my husband. 

Despite preferring to do the chasing, I'm no stereotypically masculine. I prefer to wear dresses and skirts. I wear make-up and do my hair and nails. I wear heels to my detriment. What I wanted in relationships depended on my stage in life. In my teens, I wanted a comfortable, monogamous relationship with access to frequent sex. I wasn't ready for anything serious until later.


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## monemi

niss said:


> 'Splain me dis uh ... "flirt."


It's a mating dance. You put on a mankini and rub oil over your body, look for an attractive woman you wish to copulate with and then rub yourself up and down her while squawking. 

It's alright mate, I've got your back. Any questions?


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## niss

monemi said:


> It's a mating dance. You put on a mankini and rub oil over your body, look for an attractive woman you wish to copulate with and then rub yourself up and down her while squawking.
> 
> It's alright mate, I've got your back. Any questions?


:blushed:



monemi said:


> Mostly those uptight guys that take life too seriously. Is there anything more fun than winding them up?


Detecting a pattern, here.


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## monemi

niss said:


> Detecting a pattern, here.


Wha'? You think I'm telling lies? See this guy? Just like that! No word of a lie it works!










Bitches be all over that.


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## Korpasov

I don't really "flirt." I enjoy having discussions. If she's someone I can have deep conversations with, that's really all I really care to do. I don't like to bullshit. I'm aware that society requires a certain base level of bullshit, so I'll start off with some small talk if I have to, but try and steer the conversation into something more meaningful or intellectual. If she doesn't want to/can't talk about those kinds of things, then I won't waste my time any further.


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## Afterburner

When I flirt, I don't, because I can't. I also don't know how to pick up on it when it's directed towards me.


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## Primeval

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Here's how I flirt.
> ENFJ: "Hi there, isn't today a wonderful day?"
> INTP: "That's your opinion, opinions are irrelevant."
> ENFJ: "Why are you so negative?"
> INTP: "I'm not being negative, I merely stated neutral viewpoint."
> ENFJ: "but yeah, that's kinda negative."
> INTP: "No."
> ENFJ: "LOL the way you said that was so cute!"
> INTP: "That's your opinion."


This. This in its entirety.


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## niss

monemi said:


> Wha'? You think I'm telling lies? See this guy? Just like that! No word of a lie it works!
> 
> Bitches be all over that.


I just threw up a little, in my mouth.


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## monemi

niss said:


> I just threw up a little, in my mouth.


*covers Borats ears* Are you really gonna crush heart? He worked so hard on his mating dance! How much effort have you put into yours? God, you're such jerk.


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## niss

monemi said:


> *covers Borats ears* Are you really gonna crush heart? He worked so hard on his mating dance! How much effort have you put into yours? God, you're such jerk.


You're assuming Borat has a heart...


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## monemi

niss said:


> You're assuming Borat has a heart...


Now, now play nice. Isn't he always talking about getting a heart on? 


Wait... did I hear him right?


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## niss

monemi said:


> Now, now play nice. Isn't he always talking about getting a heart on?
> 
> 
> Wait... did I hear him right?


Smh


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## TyranAmiros

krabkrab said:


> I don't know if any other INTPs do this, but whenever I have a crush I like to just give very subtle hints that I like them but not make it obvious. And when I say subtle, I really mean "This person would probably not notice what I am doing unless they are looking for it." But then if they were looking for it, they probably like me, right? Either that or someone told them I like them and they're trying to see if that was legit or just a rumor.
> 
> And as for what I'm attracted to... well aside from being good-looking (because seriously, literally everyone likes people that are attractive to them) I guess being nice/sweet helps a lot... I think the word I'm REALLY looking for here is "affectionate." Also it helps to have some common interests because I'm going to get bored fast if we have nothing in common.


This. And I have to add that yes, academic stuff does count as common interests. In fact, "I think neoclassical economics is fundamentally flawed, what do you think?" is a better pick up line than anything related to sports, celebrities, or travel.


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## Housespider

People keep telling me I'm a flirt, but I'm just being nice


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## Fleurelle

monemi said:


> When I was single, a lot (and I mean a lot) of girlfriends over the years, warned me off of chases guys. When that many people tell me the same thing, I take heed. Especially when I was younger and just not as confident. Waiting for guys to come to me, just wasn't my strong suite. I flirted in obvious ways and failed to attract the kind of guys I really wanted to date and usually ended up with guys who were jerks. It was a mistake. Eventually, I got fed up and ignored conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom ignores ESTP's. I started asking out guys that I was attracted to. Mostly those uptight guys that take life too seriously. Is there anything more fun than winding them up? I really prefer to be the one asking for a date. Wasn't long after that I met my husband.
> 
> Despite preferring to do the chasing, I'm no stereotypically masculine. I prefer to wear dresses and skirts. I wear make-up and do my hair and nails. I wear heels to my detriment. What I wanted in relationships depended on my stage in life. In my teens, I wanted a comfortable, monogamous relationship with access to frequent sex. I wasn't ready for anything serious until later.


Thanks  Did you find that many guys got "wound up" if you asked them out? I don't know about in America, but in the UK (partly because of our culture) there is still a bit of stigma against women asking guys out, it's seen as a bit "devaluing" which I think is stupid. I look quite feminine too, so when I used to do that guys would seem to assume that there must be something wrong with me or that I was desperate. If not I'd probably chase them a lot too, lol...



HouseSpider said:


> People keep telling me I'm a flirt, but I'm just being nice


Scary avatar 

Same here though (are you a girl too?) it's probably all that Fe lol


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## monemi

Fleurelle said:


> Thanks  Did you find that many guys got "wound up" if you asked them out? I don't know about in America, but in the UK (partly because of our culture) there is still a bit of stigma against women asking guys out, it's seen as a bit "devaluing" which I think is stupid. I look quite feminine too, so when I used to do that guys would seem to assume that there must be something wrong with me or that I was desperate. If not I'd probably chase them a lot too, lol...


I'm English. I asked out Londoners and my husband (Canadian American). I know what you're talking, but to be honest, I enjoy seeing guys get flustered and had fun teasing them and even better, if I could make them stutter, that's like striking gold. I think part of this will depend on what sort of man you're asking out. I have a thing for very proper, uptight men. I don't think they particularly like me starting out but I grow on them. :tongue:


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## Fleurelle

monemi said:


> I'm English. I asked out Londoners and my husband (Canadian American). I know what you're talking, but to be honest, I enjoy seeing guys get flustered and had fun teasing them and even better, if I could make them stutter, that's like striking gold. I think part of this will depend on what sort of man you're asking out. I have a thing for very proper, uptight men. I don't think they particularly like me starting out but I grow on them. :tongue:


Oh, cool! I had no idea you were a fellow Brit 

Yeah, some of them used to get flustered, lol :tongue: The annoying thing was the judging from both some guys/other women, though - silly societal double standards that make women who chase seem "desperate".

What sort of guys do you think this would work on? I guess you'd say it was harder for "proper," uptight guys? :laughing:


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## monemi

Fleurelle said:


> Oh, cool! I had no idea you were a fellow Brit
> 
> Yeah, some of them used to get flustered, lol :tongue: The annoying thing was the judging from both some guys/other women, though - silly societal double standards that make women who chase seem "desperate".
> 
> What sort of guys do you think this would work on? I guess you'd say it was harder for "proper," uptight guys? :laughing:


It's harder to get them on a date, but they never used me. The things I looked for was that fun uptight aspect, but also kind, respectful (observing them when they didn't know anyone was watching, yes that's a little stalkerish, but I got see how they really treat people) and blessed with a sense of humour. These generally aren't the sort of men who are going to conclude that you're desperate and so disposable. You have to put more effort forward but they're a sincere lot and in my experience, underneath those ruffled feathers, they do have an adventurous side. You just have to coax it out of them.


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## Fleurelle

monemi said:


> It's harder to get them on a date, but they never used me. The things I looked for was that fun uptight aspect, but also kind, respectful (observing them when they didn't know anyone was watching, yes that's a little stalkerish, but I got see how they really treat people) and blessed with a sense of humour. These generally aren't the sort of men who are going to conclude that you're desperate and so disposable. You have to put more effort forward but they're a sincere lot and in my experience, underneath those ruffled feathers, they do have an adventurous side. You just have to coax it out of them.


They sound like Mr Darcy, quite appealing to me :laughing: How do you get those kinds of guys on a date/"coax it out of them"? And where did you meet such men? I'm actually moving to London soon, and planning to start dating again once I do so... I'm just going on 21, though, so maybe they're rarer in my age group :S


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## monemi

Fleurelle said:


> They sound like Mr Darcy, quite appealing to me :laughing: How do you get those kinds of guys on a date/"coax it out of them"? And where did you meet such men? I'm actually moving to London soon, and planning to start dating again once I do so... I'm just going on 21, though, so maybe they're rarer in my age group :S


I dated older men. I only dated a couple of guys in my age range. My husband is 10 years older than me and one ex was twice my age. I met my husband in a coffee house in London when he was 32 and I was 22. It's not so much that I'm into older looking men. I just had more fun with them and there was less drama.


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## Fleurelle

monemi said:


> I dated older men. I only dated a couple of guys in my age range. My husband is 10 years older than me and one ex was twice my age. I met my husband in a coffee house in London when he was 32 and I was 22. It's not so much that I'm into older looking men. I just had more fun with them and there was less drama.


Yeah, I've definitely noticed that they seem more stable. Do you find that guys ever seem put off by the age difference? I actually know a 30-year-old ENFP I like right now - probably not going to go for it, as he does stuff like drugs which I'm not comfortable with, but he is a lot more mature than most guys I know so might keep that in mind for the future.


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## ParetoCaretheStare

SaysWho said:


> When I flirt it's pretty darn obvious. I like to put the guy on the spot, crack some jokes directed at him, and gauge his level of comfort and confidence replying. I also prefer to be the one to come on strong at first. For some reason it's such a big turn off when a guy approaches me overtly, I prefer guys who are low key in how they present themselves/react to others.



I find that to be so fascinating. I always want to be the one to come up to the guy (INFP) but I can never actually be the one to do it with someone that I'm genuinely attracted to. On the other hand, if I'm not attracted and see the guy as a friend, it's so easy to start conversation, despite the evil reality of life where in spite of me initiating conversation I already know that our relationship wouldn't go further than the platonic setting.


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## monemi

Fleurelle said:


> Yeah, I've definitely noticed that they seem more stable. Do you find that guys ever seem put off by the age difference? I actually know a 30-year-old ENFP I like right now - probably not going to go for it, as he does stuff like drugs which I'm not comfortable with, but he is a lot more mature than most guys I know so might keep that in mind for the future.


Before I started asking guys out myself, the type of guys who ask out younger women most definitely, do not have issues with dating younger women. Guys that I asked out (like my husband) were not keen to date me because I was noticeably younger than them. First he also worried that I was a con-artist or a gold digger. I kept nodding and struggling to keep a straight face while he blustered through trying to infer either of these things without being rude. Plus he had issues with how he'd explain me to his family. Half the fun is the chase. How often do you get to see a full grown man look like a deer in headlights or walk into a door? They're so sweet, they're almost edible, you know?


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## Booyou

I am an INFP and I lured my naive INTP boyfriend inside my magic elven castle by whispering softly in his ear words that made him wonder, this way he started to look after me so I could feed his hunger for knowledge.

Of course the INFP won't give the impression to be flirting at first, but will just seem innocent and curious, even though is trying so hard to capture the INTP's attention. 

The INTP will probably let getting inspired by the mysterious bizarre world and oddly expressed thoughts of the INFP and will find them rather interesting, and if the INFP demonstrates to have skills in some field that the INTP isn't really familiar with.. well. There you go. 

It's like a magic spell. You just need to give the INTP some stuff to chew on and he won't be able to stop thinking about you and will keep elaborating the matter long enough so that he can fall in love.


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## Hespera

I definitely agree with the earlier INFP insights. I think I am capable of flirting (my style tends to be the cute/innocent with a dash of unexpected bite. I can be very sassy, which people don't expect), but I don't like the pressure. I feel that a lot of the time other people are very goal focused and want to hook up immediately (this is probably just me projecting my insecurity about all things sexual), while all I really want is a good, smart conversation and a laugh. 

I'm of course attracted to good-looking people, but I go for the more off-beat kinds who look like they're capable of discussing more than hair gel and pop music (aka, a fellow snob). When it comes to relationships, I like to take things very slowly because romance is built on a foundation of friendship. Me being a probable demisexual is a factor I'm sure (I need to be very comfortable with someone emotionally before I'm willing to get any sort of physical. I always feel like I should give some sort of disclaimer on first dates that they are not getting anything more than a hug for probably the first three or four times we go out).


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## WarriorBard

EccentricSiren said:


> INFP. If I like someone, I try to befriend him and hope he'll eventually fall for me romantically. This strategy usually leaves me with a guy who thinks I'm a great friend but just can't imagine me as a girlfriend. I don't really know how to flirt. I can do it if I'm drunk, but if I'm sober, I overthink it and feel like everything I've seen other people do would look completely unnatural coming from me.
> I look for someone who I think would be a kindred spirit. He doesn't necessarily have to be another INFP, but shared values are very important to me (and most INFPs, I think), as is the ability to see things more than one way (Ne coming into play, I guess?). I prefer people who are a bit unconventional, have a playful side, and can have an intelligent but kind of offbeat conversation.


Wow, this was a little scary in that it matches me so perfectly. Even down to the description of the unconventional, playful, intelligent, off-beat conversation. Love it!

I could add that INFPs might spend months writing love poems or creating other kinds of art inspired by the person (who of course still has no idea we like them at all) -- being incredibly hidden until that moment when we (for some crazy reason) decide to be incredibly blunt and honest.


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## pukeyshibas

I don't know if it's specific to INTPs, but I just want to impress people I like with my intelligence (this one guy I'm sorta into sees me walk around our dorm building in pajamas looking like shit all the time, I couldn't care less. I just want him to see I'm smart and interesting :') )

I don't really flirt, but I actually talked briefly one-on-one with that guy recently, and I stumbled over my words and repeated things and oh god it was awful. I can't stop thinking about it. Ironic how I wanted so badly to emit competence and yet I ended up sounding like a total dumbass and making him probably want to avoid me now
So yeah, I guess my way of flirting is just making a full blown ditz out of myself and turning what should have been an intelligent conversation into "I'm going to make this guy think I'm having a stroke"


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## Tiffany

My idea of flirting (-: ~
With people that I like: I am going to talk to you like I have no feelings for you whatsoever 
With people that I am attracted to: I am going to accidentally stare at you from a distance, and when you look back, I will look away as fast as possible


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## Sophia Perennis

I don't flirt. So I really don't know.


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## atenea

WarriorBard said:


> I could add that INFPs might spend months writing love poems or creating other kinds of art inspired by the person (who of course still has no idea we like them at all) -- *being incredibly hidden until that moment when we (for some crazy reason) decide to be incredibly blunt and honest.*


I did that in the past and the person I liked was really surprised... although I thought it was so obvious in my body language... but some people are just oblivious to that.


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## sassysquid

I freeze up and play dead like a baby deer when confronted with danger. Yeah, that's about it


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## HeadInClouds

Infp too. I write about him. Alot. I write to him in letters I won't send too. I tend to text that person long messages (when they text first). I also might send a song that subtly hints at it. But mostly, I become close friends. Generally it means I'm only one of the boys and am the one they go to for Girl advice. (That always hurts.)


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## Bugs

ENTP here. Most people would call me flirtatious. I accept that. However , when it comes to platonic verses serious flirting there is a difference. It's easier for me to flirt platonically because I don't expect or necessarily want anything from it aside from making a friend laugh or feel at ease. I don't think I'm very deliberate with romantic flirting but I won't hide the fact that I'm interested. Best way to put it is that I feel I need to have some kind of 'mind crush' going on before thinking about romantic options.


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