# Sex and Dating for Older People



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Electra said:


> Yey 😃🤗
> Library is probably better! 😄
> It actually possible to talk 😁


Also, I think @littlewyng would make another good addition for library wingman, or should I say wyng woman.

Oh--you posted before me littlewyng...lol--I was just writing the above when I saw it.

Yes--I think your brain-tasting abilities would be a very welcome addition to the party. Maybe you can taste the brains first and let us know whether they are bittersweet, salty, or perhaps a little spicy.

Or we can just read books. _shrugs_ win-win either way!


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

littlewyng said:


> Um can I sign up for the library wing-woman plan with you guys too? At this point I'm not even caring whether there are guys there, yay books.


Its the Covid that does it🙄
Eating salad and washing floors turns fun 😏
(Books are fun but this isolation can drive people mad and desperate to do things other then stare at the wall for 8 hours)


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

WickerDeer said:


> Also, I think @littlewyng would make another good addition for library wingman, or should I say wyng woman.
> 
> Oh--you posted before me littlewyng...lol--I was just writing the above when I saw it.
> 
> Yes--I think your brain-tasting abilities would be a very welcome addition to the party. Maybe you can taste the brains first and let us know whether they are bittersweet, salty, or perhaps a little spicy.


No brain no payne 😆😂


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Speaking of books, I've been combining audiobooks with walking. It helps make it more interesting for me.

I feel like I probably retain a little less of the knowledge because sometimes I get distracted and tune out the audiobook, but it can still be really engaging at times, especially if you find a book you really like.

I think my favorite audiobook book was People of the Book--that one was easiest to listen to. Hardest was Paradise Lost. I should check out if the person who read People of the Book read any other audiobooks.

I used to listen to a lot more Librivox audiobooks--which are completely free (read by volunteers). But I've been listening to official audiobooks lately.







LibriVox | free public domain audiobooks







librivox.org





Ah--Edwina Wren was the narrator. I should try another one of her books to see if she's just a good voice actress and that was why it was so engaging.





__





Audiobooks narrated by Edwina Wren | Audible.com


Download Audiobooks narrated by Edwina Wren to your device. Audible provides the highest quality audio and narration. Your first book is Free with trial!




www.audible.com


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

WickerDeer said:


> Speaking of books, I've been combining audiobooks with walking. It helps make it more interesting for me.
> 
> I feel like I probably retain a little less of the knowledge because sometimes I get distracted and tune out the audiobook, but it can still be really engaging at times, especially if you find a book you really like.
> 
> ...


I also listen to audiobooks a lot 🙂
I use a thing called...ohdang what is it called...today my memory sucks. Brb.

Back! Storytel it is called 🙂
I have also started to watch tv programs regularly again. Two crime seies and one serie about children who find their parents again after having been adopted.

Also I have (allmost) knitted a hat until I ran out if yarn.


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## littlewyng (Sep 17, 2020)

Woohoo! 

I know I have this reputation of licking all the brains, but I'll tell you guys- I'm really very picky about the brain licking. 

Libby! We have Libby here- you just need a library card and you can download free audio books. Ready for the introvert pro tip? If you don't have one, you can sign up for the library card online- never need to encounter humans. 

I used to have a really horrific commute in and out of Seattle, 2 hours each way- I used to tear through audiobooks. the popular audiobooks can sometimes be "checked out" on the app but there are plenty of good ones.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

We have a few audiobooks that I know of at our library but I don't think it's that many...😭
But the idea is great 😎👌

The actual library date event:


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Electra said:


> We have a few audiobooks that I know of at our library but I don't think it's that many...😭
> But the idea is great 😎👌
> 
> The actual library date event:
> View attachment 876718


If that happens we'll just throw the book at him.










If he wants a library card, he has to fill out the paperwork like everyone else.


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## littlewyng (Sep 17, 2020)




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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

littlewyng said:


> View attachment 876723


lol Thinking of this whole topic is so depressing to me that I've actually started to consider the possible merit of polyamorous relationships. hahaha

Bring on the cats.


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## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

WickerDeer said:


> Speaking of books, I've been combining audiobooks with walking. It helps make it more interesting for me.
> 
> I feel like I probably retain a little less of the knowledge because sometimes I get distracted and tune out the audiobook, but it can still be really engaging at times, especially if you find a book you really like.
> 
> ...


So funny, I was looking up Librivox for something completely unrelated today.

Had an autocad drafting job once, and as I drew ellipses and lines over and over for 8 hours a day I could keep my mind occupied with audiobooks. I suspect it is easier for me (maybe others?) to retain and focus on semantic information while engaging in procedural memory tasks, like walking or driving or... drafting. lol


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## littlewyng (Sep 17, 2020)

Lol yeeeeah.


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## Dalien (Jul 21, 2010)

Dating? Did someone say “Dating”?
I‘m lost on that.
This is quite interesting—this thread that is.
I‘m sorry, but I have no advice—it’s been way too looonnnggg.
If someone walked over and asked me out, I think I would fall on the floor!
Oh, wait, I do have one piece of advice, or more like a thought from my own experience...
Don‘t wait too long to accept a date unless you’re comfortable enough with your self and can handle the moments that become very lonely.
Thank you guys for this thread and the thoughts put forth 
(the camaraderie is lovely)


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## attic (May 20, 2012)

my ...grandmother-in-law? got a new boyfriend when she was well over 80, I don't think she had been with someone for many decades, but then they met at some evening for seniors. I have no idea about the physical for them, but just thought it is a little anecdote to show it is never too late, they seem very happy together.Oh, wait, I had almost forgotten, my grandfather also got a new ladyfriend in his eighties, it seemed he was pretty popular among the women at the senior meetups playing boule. So two examples of it never being too late.
(and now I'll see myself out of here and leave you all to it...)


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)




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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Lady of Light said:


> View attachment 876728


 









It's funny because it's true. lol


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

WickerDeer said:


> It's funny because it's true. lol



I always say that if I found myself single at this stage in my life, I'd just travel the world with my best friends. 
So many libraries and museums to visit. 

No fuss, no muss etc.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

That sounds pretty nice, really.

I think that along with pursuing hobbies and interests around other people, trying to have friendships might also be a good idea. lol I mostly had only been friends with people through work, but no one I've been work-friends with has shared the interests you describe.

This adds to my conviction that following interests is the way to move forward, for friendships as well. My cat isn't really interested in geology as much as I try to explain to her. I guess maybe I should also make a friend with some similar interest. : /

I really just get kind of bored with some of the things the people around me have been interested in...like if it's just celebrities, children...idk...cooking (a lot of preschool teachers have pretty traditional interests)--and when I feel my time is constrained, I want to spend it on things I enjoy and find interesting. My old boss and coworkers used to joke not to invite me to do anything because I wouldn't go--but it gets old! None of them wanted to go to a museum though.

I live in a rural area too--I have to drive a couple hundred miles to get to the nearest real museum. 

I think that is really key here and I need to push myself to go out and do that. And travel is easier when you are single. It's one reason I am absolutely against the idea of having any children in the future...18 years (at least) is a long time. lol Not gonna start that clock right now.


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## ThisNameWorks (Mar 11, 2017)

How dare you assume there is a younger people, that’s totally racist.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

WickerDeer said:


> So I am wondering how intimacy works when you are older--I haven't had sex for a decade, so it's not been since my 20s that I had sex.
> 
> I'm concerned about aging and sex. I have only had one sexual partner since I was 22, and the last decade none. So I compare myself now to when I was 22 and I am a bit older. lol
> I have a lot of insecurities about it.
> ...


Hi, @WickerDeer . I'm in my 60s. I'll try to generalize about forties, or at least the trajectory you're headed toward.... 

As we get older, it gets harder to meet and connect with people. We become more cynical. We begin to recognize patterns/things that we consider red flags, so we'll start saying things like "No more dating anyone who has kids/is from another culture" or "I'll never have a joint bank account/live together without marriage again." 

Meanwhile, the people you might want to date are having similar thought processes, so the possibilities become fewer. (I knew a man in his 30s whose wife died of cancer at home. He said, "I'll never have anyone dying in my living room again.")

Men seem to be very affected by past relationship experiences, good or bad. So if someone cheated on them 10 years ago, you must be cheating too. Or if they're used to chatty petite women, they won't forgive you for being tall or quiet.

Men become less willing to share or get serious. Either their ex already got everything, or they want to leave everything to their children. They know what they want for themselves, whether it's motorcycles, fine dining, or world travel. If you don't want to go along (or can't afford to pay your own way), he'll find someone who will, or he'll just go without you. This makes serious/close relationships less and less likely.

At the same time, both males and females might have less to offer, as their health fails and so on.

You mentioned being interested in science. It seems to me that very few men care about a woman's mind or interests. They want an activity partner and/or someone attractive.

In your 40s you still have a chance of finding what you want -- whatever that may be. Many men are still willing to give it a try.

I had success with online dating in my 40s, but things have changed so much. It's just a numbers game now.

I rather despair over meeting anyone "organically." I live in a small community, where there are actually many accomplished and intelligent people. I live in a house that's adjacent to a friendly cafe, so I can talk to these interesting people whenever I want. But I don't go to the cafe, because the conversation is usually lowest common denominator: dogs, gardens, weather.

I wouldn't knock polyamory. It's not for me, but I know a few people who are into it, and I can see the logic of it in this day and age.

The thing I always wanted most in life was a relationship, and I've had many. I never thought I'd give up on that dream, but I'm about ready to give up. 

As for people finding love in their 80s, that's a whole different ball game. Their needs and expectations are a lot narrower, and their perspective on life has changed, so in a way things are simpler.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

islandlight said:


> Hi, @WickerDeer . I'm in my 60s. I'll try to generalize about forties, or at least the trajectory you're headed toward....


Thanks. 



> As we get older, it gets harder to meet and connect with people. We become more cynical. We begin to recognize patterns/things that we consider red flags, so we'll start saying things like "No more dating anyone who has kids/is from another culture" or "I'll never have a joint bank account/live together without marriage again."
> 
> Meanwhile, the people you might want to date are having similar thought processes, so the possibilities become fewer. (I knew a man in his 30s whose wife died of cancer at home. He said, "I'll never have anyone dying in my living room again.")
> 
> ...


This makes a lot of sense. I hadn't thought about how over the years people would accumulate negative experiences, and how that could be why people give up. So these men may never have really gotten over their experiences.



> At the same time, both males and females might have less to offer, as their health fails and so on.
> 
> You mentioned being interested in science. It seems to me that very few men care about a woman's mind or interests. They want an activity partner and/or someone attractive.
> 
> ...



So you think that more of them are bitter and just not willing to try anymore? I wonder if that's common for men and women.

I've never wanted to attract men who only care about having an attractive or entertaining partner--I just feel like a relationship is more than entertainment to me and I always had this sense that the body changes and it's just a temporary form...so not a good foundation for a meaningful relationship. 




> I rather despair over meeting anyone "organically." I live in a small community, where there are actually many accomplished and intelligent people. I live in a house that's adjacent to a friendly cafe, so I can talk to these interesting people whenever I want. But I don't go to the cafe, because the conversation is usually lowest common denominator: dogs, gardens, weather.
> 
> I wouldn't knock polyamory. It's not for me, but I know a few people who are into it, and I can see the logic of it in this day and age.
> 
> ...


I also feel like giving up on romance sometimes. I guess that without it one can still focus on projects and goals...which could be good. 

But I also think it's normal to want a companion--it makes a lot of sense and I'm sure there are men who want companions too.

Also--yeah, those coffee shop conversations sound time-consuming. But maybe a class or something would be a better place to meet someone. 

Maybe some men just gave up from putting themselves out there (just as I am sure women also give up) but you might meet them in an unexpected place?

It can be nice to just have friends too. I've been thinking about how I tend to dislike groups and communities...like I just prefer one-on-one interactions most of the time, but how community is important. Maybe volunteering would be good for that. Everything's been so different with the pandemic though.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> So I am wondering how intimacy works when you are older--I haven't had sex for a decade, so it's not been since my 20s that I had sex.
> 
> I'm concerned about aging and sex. I have only had one sexual partner since I was 22, and the last decade none. So I compare myself now to when I was 22 and I am a bit older. lol
> I have a lot of insecurities about it.
> ...


I had the same sexual partner from 1995 until 2015 and, while I have fooled around a few times since then, I haven't done it with anyone else. I'm terrified I've lost my "mojo". I'm awfully tired of going to bed and waking up alone. I think that's what I really miss the most.

I've decided to live my life as if I won't find another partner. If I do, it will be a pleasant surprise. If I don't, well then I know what to expect. 


* *




I'm awfully lonely though.


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## Rift (Mar 12, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> I also am wondering how you meet people when you're older.
> 
> I just read an article about how the thirties is supposedly "sexual peak" for women, and yet I haven't had sex in my thirties at all. I am sort of feeling like maybe I should um...not just never have sex for the rest of my life or be in a relationship again, and yet that is the direction my life has been going.
> 
> ...



40s is more the peak of women.. start of the rollercoaster, the anticipation amplifies as one begins to rise





speed dating has its merits and its fallacies. it's a bit like musical chairs, wine tasting or really, hooking up but without the sex. it's probably more apt for those that either do well with small talk or comfortable enough to lay all their baggage out on the table. it's a quick way to meet a lot of people in a short period of time with the intention of "eventually" getting to know someone better. . . something of an interview at career day or job convention. -- it tends to be more effective when it's organized by a specific community in which all the participants belong.. so there's at least one solid foundation piece to unite over. 

similarities can be gathered with other single mixers for a variety of communities, events and interests. retreats & cruises become a popular option for those looking for a camp like experience -- the main conflict with the extended single mixers is that often it attracts those that truly desire to be alone and away from 'couples' as well as those only looking for a seasonal fling

you? well, the harder route but possibly the more effective.. is looking at getting a formal matchmaker. the problems in that scenario, it's generally a more conservative atmosphere that is more directed to set demographics. -- the most recognized, perhaps, are those among orthodox Jews and Indians.






but are generally suited to those looking towards marriage than simply dating. which is a loaded concept in and of itself.. and certainly very weighty when you truly take in what that means for you.


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## Rift (Mar 12, 2012)

littlewyng said:


> View attachment 876723


if you leap or get thrown from a window, the cats will come to you.

* *













if it happens over time, it usually starts with housesitting... requests happen enough you eventually quit your job and become the defacto housesitter for everyone and it's your new profession... or you keep your job but quit the gym, get your shopping cart and go door to door feeding cats, becoming the neighborhood cat lady. . . which will reduce the likelihood of you become a hoarder and the eventuality of someone finding your partially devoured mummified remains under a mountain of healthy choice for one frozen tv dinner boxes.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

You want men who want to date but not have kids. Ok. What are you standards? What are your demands? What do you have to offer? I mean, you can find men anywhere from dating apps to libraries and coffee shops, but unless you're more specific on what you want, it's difficult to point you in any specific direction.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

tanstaafl28 said:


> I had the same sexual partner from 1995 until 2015 and, while I have fooled around a few times since then, I haven't done it with anyone else. I'm terrified I've lost my "mojo". I'm awfully tired of going to bed and waking up alone. I think that's what I really miss the most.
> 
> I've decided to live my life as if I wont' find another partner. If I do, it will be a pleasant surprise. If I don't, well then I know what to expect.
> 
> ...


Yes--there is so much good that can come with companionship. Not just sex. But that is a really good point to remember...things like talking and being in proximity and all those other things (geez it's been so long I think I forgot most of them lol).

But there are a lot of benefits that can come with companionship--I'm glad you are bringing that perspective in as a man, because we were just talking about what it seems many men wanted, from the perspective of single women. But many men, I am sure, also enjoy the more subtle blessings of a relationship. 

You are worried you lost your mojo? Are you going to keep ensuring you are getting out there so you can meet a potential partner, even though you want to live your life like you won't find another partner?


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> Yes--there is so much good that can come with companionship. Not just sex. But that is a really good point to remember...things like talking and being in proximity and all those other things (geez it's been so long I think I forgot most of them lol).
> 
> But there are a lot of benefits that can come with companionship--I'm glad you are bringing that perspective in as a man, because we were just talking about what it seems many men wanted, from the perspective of single women. But many men, I am sure, also enjoy the more subtle blessings of a relationship.
> 
> You are worried you lost your mojo? Are you going to keep ensuring you are getting out there so you can meet a potential partner, even though you want to live your life like you won't find another partner?


Oh I think I will get out there once the pandemic is over. I was socializing with people my age group before this happened at least once a month. I also need to work on my health. I am currently overweight. I internalize a lot of things, I suspect. I just got done telling someone there's also some fears of abandonment. Just about everyone who I loved has left me. I think have to learn how to trust again. It has been six years since my marriage of 15 years ended. I have a lot of things to iron out. Maybe I wouldn't be a good partner for anyone right now. Maybe I need to work on me some more first.


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## littlewyng (Sep 17, 2020)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Oh I think I will get out there once the pandemic is over. I was socializing with people my age group before this happened at least once a month. I also need to work on my health. I am currently overweight. I internalize a lot of things, I suspect. I just got done telling someone there's also some fears of abandonment. Just about everyone who I loved has left me. I think have to learn how to trust again. It has been six years since my marriage of 15 years ended. I have a lot of things to iron out. Maybe I wouldn't be a good partner for anyone right now. Maybe I need to work on me some more first.


You are usually better at giving ME advice about this stuff than the other way around, but- 

I think it's really difficult to get back on track after a long relationship ends. You're constantly researching your own actions and the actions of the other person and trying to evaluate what happened and what lead to that thing that eventually caused you pain, and when it's marriage it's even worse because it's supposed to be secure and last forever. And it's super easy to get skittish and not want to go there again, even when loneliness hits. 

But I think it's OK to let people in a little. Because - and I don't think everyone will agree with me but- I don't think it's the situations we're in that actually change us. I think it's the people who we let into our lives. They give us the motivation to think differently and try new things and set different goals for ourselves. Otherwise we are just having the same interactions we always had and likely won't grow all that much as people. Whether it's relationship-driven or not.

I don't think it's mutually exclusive either- you don't need to stop everything while improving the self- everyone is usually working on some form of self-improvement and sometimes that can be a bonding thing. 

And I say this being 1 year out of a 4 year marriage- and with a lot work on for myself also. And perfectly unable to take my own advice.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

It depends on what you consider to "older". Some people say women "hit the wall" and are doomed to be cat ladies after, like 35. I obviously don't subscribe to that idea, because I met my husband in my late 30's.
The thing about meeting someone a little later in life vs meeting people when you're younger is you might need to rethink the process, because what you had to offer to a relationship as a young woman was a bit different from what you have to offer now. A young woman has her looks, youth, and beauty to recommend herself, and in many spaces that are focused on meeting for the sake of dating and hooking up, these are the women who are going to monopolize much of the men's attention. All things being equal, men generally will seek younger attractive women, but that doesn't mean, as a woman, after you've reached a certain age, that it's hopeless.
When you're older the value you add to a potential relationship is your life experience, your knowledge, that you might have a better sense of who you are and want you want. Thus when seeking a mate, you want to seek them out in spaces where values and shared interests take center stage, because a man who would want a woman who is older is probably seeking things like shared values, common interests, an intelligent woman who can match his intellect, etc. You have to focus on places where men will be specifically seeking women with these qualities. Personalitycafe, itself is not a bad place to start, in addition to other web forums. I met my husband on a web forum where spiritual values were the prime focus. One of the topics of conversations I had started in that spaces was about programming, which got his attention.

One of the blessings of being a somewhat older woman seeking a mate is that looks don't matter as much, because if you're seeking a man for whom looks were paramount, he'd show interest in a younger woman. Thus you don't have to worry about fussing too much about your looks, so long as you look neat, fairly well dressed and presentable. You don't need to spend that extra money on getting your hair done, high end makeup, designer clothes etc.nor would you need to spend time getting that perfect contour or working out to get that flat tummy. 
In short, there's no reason to feel insecure about any potential sexual encounters in the future. The men you'll attract are likely not going to expect that perfect body and will likely embrace your imperfections. Not to say that older women can't have nice bodies, but that, at certain age, men simply stop expecting it, and will see any nice features on your figure as an added bonus that could enhance his affections.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

@WickerDeer As you know from my other thread, I'm not a dating pro. But I will comment on the 'sex as you get older' thought. Though I am far past 40, my sex drive is quite alive and well and in fact drives me up the wall at times. I guess it depends on your hormone levels and correlated genetics.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

CountZero said:


> @WickerDeer As you know from my other thread, I'm not a dating pro. But I will comment on the 'sex as you get older' thought. Though I am far past 40, my sex drive is quite alive and well and in fact drives me up the wall at times. I guess it depends on your hormone levels and correlated genetics.


Actually I saw an interview with a single elderly lady around 80 who was a widow and she said the older you get the _more_ you need it. Lol. Life is strange
But she also said youd have to ask for it when you got her age. And she actually started to flirt with the reporter. At that point I nearly fell of my cheer


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

I also forgot that dhe said the reason she wanted it more as she got older was because she felt free or liberated that she couldn't produce more kids accidently which would not be good her age,she didnt feel the burden of resposibility, and she ...argh, I forgot the last bit again 😖🤦🏽‍♀️


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

CountZero said:


> @WickerDeer As you know from my other thread, I'm not a dating pro. But I will comment on the 'sex as you get older' thought. Though I am far past 40, my sex drive is quite alive and well and in fact drives me up the wall at times. I guess it depends on your hormone levels and correlated genetics.


That is good news.

I think I have had a non-existent libido lately because of my thoughts and emotions, and a pervasive feeling of misanthropy or at least distrust of people. 

So I think for some people it can also be affected by thoughts.

I hope I can get a libido back like you have, because I think that it can be a means to help calm the limbic system--to relax or cultivate some pleasant feelings in your body.

It has felt so peripheral to me lately--maybe without a sense of relationship harmony it just kind of disappears, or without the thought of it or the prospect of it. Or perhaps it's a psychological defense when I am feeling anxious.

But I also have so much to do that it makes sense to focus more on that. idk.

I heard women are supposed to feel more erotic in their later years but I just feel like I need to work on my hobbies. 🤷‍♀️ haha


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> That is good news.
> 
> I think I have had a non-existent libido lately because of my thoughts and emotions, and a pervasive feeling of misanthropy or at least distrust of people.
> 
> ...


Attraction is also important in this equation. Find someone who really gets you excited (sexually and/or romantically) and it’ll probably light your fire. Mine never really fades to nothing (heck sometimes I think Nancy Pelosi in a burlap sack could turn me on) but can really get pushed into overdrive by an interested, interesting and appealing partner.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

CountZero said:


> Attraction is also important in this equation. Find someone who really gets you excited (sexually and/or romantically) and it’ll probably light your fire. Mine never really fades to nothing (heck sometimes I think Nancy Pelosi in a burlap sack could turn me on) but can really get pushed into overdrive by an interested, interesting and appealing partner.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Nancy Pelosi is kind of a foxy lady so I can see that. Yeah, I think for me it's a defensive thing--and honestly, I guess it's probably repression, which I shouldn't do. 

edit: omg so much tmi


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## ESFJMouse (Oct 13, 2020)

Okay, early 30s is not older people! 🤣 Maybe late 30s, but not early 30s. Your brain probably just finished developing like 2-3 years ago.  Lots of people who are working on professional degrees, or for whatever reason don't really date until late 20s anyways. If they do it is not serious. Early 30s tends to be the time to settle down for many. Some media has an agenda like "Oh your 40s are the new 30s." Selling products to encourage you to think you can look younger, (no one really can). You only get your early 30s once, so live it up!

Anyways, I think it is important to keep a very open mind! There is some good news to this! In your very early 30s you are still in a good range for many men. 25 year men might like you. 45 year old men might like you. Women who are in their early (key word, early) 30s can typically still easily have kids and to many men this might be appealing. If you want to date, and you open yourself up to the idea, you will likely find it easy at this stage. It is going to be more challenging in your 40s for many reasons. And I have 50 year old female friends who have pretty much given up. So enjoy yourself now in your early 30s, this is the best time as life is still exciting, and energetic.

Your later 30s, because your reproductive window is starting to close. Many men who want to marry will do so because they want kids. So enjoy your early 30s because chances are you can still date a lot, meet lots of men, and possibly if you want get married and have kids you can do so easily. You can likely find single men, but be open minded to men with kids or who are divorced, because there will be many.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

WickerDeer said:


> So I am wondering how intimacy works when you are older--I haven't had sex for a decade, so it's not been since my 20s that I had sex.
> 
> I'm concerned about aging and sex. I have only had one sexual partner since I was 22, and the last decade none. So I compare myself now to when I was 22 and I am a bit older. lol
> I have a lot of insecurities about it.
> ...


You're in your early 30s, you're not at all old. I think in your situation you may want to look around for people who may have recently divorced and may have kids? Since you also have a child, that wouldn't be so much of a deal breaker for most single men.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Lol thanks--but I'm in my late thirties. 

I'm trying to figure out where I suggested I'm in my early thirties. I just haven't had sex or been in a relationship in a long time. lol Maybe that was it.

I don't notice the passage of time very well, so sometimes it helps me to put things into perspective that way. I don't have any real goal or anything aside from having always been sort of romantic, but I would rather just focus on art anyway. I just sometimes wonder.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> I don't have any real goal


That's OK. Not having a goal is a perfectly valid way to go through life, especially since it doesn't come with a map and compass. Just make sure that later on you don't have regrets later on about taking a laissez faire approach. Regrets can really suck if you let them.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

I like that you've been waiting for 10 years. I think it's wholesome.

For me it's been almost 2 years. Actually that's a lie, I had a tiny fling of sorts with someone a few months ago but it was only a couple of nights together and it was so unimportant to me that I don't count it at all. I agree with you about the intellectual connection being important.

I feel like society is wholly focused on that primal animalistic kind of sex where each person doesn't really know or care about the other. Or at least, that's how it seems to be for people who are "free and single". I much prefer the idea of waiting for someone with whom I truly connect with.

I'm 33, and if I'm reading correctly between the lines in your post, I think you're 32 (edit: okay I see you're in your late 30s but meh, close enough), so we're in a similar situation. I wouldn't call it "dating and sex for older people", otherwise it would make people who are 40+ feel really old, which is unfair because they're just as sexually capable as anyone else. I think the difference is that it's not about chasing quick fun or short term gratification now.

To respond to the premise of the thread, I'd say just try to get out there and get to know people, without the aim being anything sexual or romantic. Well no, the underlying aim would be that, but don't feel pressure to dive into anything. That's the approach I'm going to take, as soon as I'm free from the lockdown I'm currently in. I want to meet people (or 'the person') who really gives me a sense of connection, friendship, etc etc. The kind with whom I really want to do all the fun sexy things with. Rather than a quickie that I would rather forget. Unless of course you want the quickie side of things. In which case, just go get steaming drunk somewhere and see what happens next. For quick floozy fucks, I don't think there's much difference whether you're 22 or 100


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