# Is it true that all what a guy wants from a girl is sex ??



## Selden (May 24, 2009)

Also, I think it's a myth that there's a "love scale". On one end the scale, you have relationship/romance and on the other hand you have sexuality/sensuality. As if you can only be on one end of the scale at a time or try to evenly balance it out.

Well, I say that is bullshit. You can have a lot of sex and romance and likewise, just because you aren't sexual doesn't automatically mean you're very loving. You *can* have your cake and eat it. In fact, I think both sex and relationship not only compliments each other but even makes one and the other better:laughing:


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

Growing up all my mom constantly told me was that line. "All guys want from you is sex" "All they care about is one thing". Once I became sexually active with boyfriends...she'd tell me "You better make sure you're giving him enough or he's going to leave you". I break under pressure, and tend to still put way too much pressure on myself. It's incredibly frustrating and is something I think about daily.


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

BehindSmile said:


> Growing up all my mom constantly told me was that line. "All guys want from you is sex" "All they care about is one thing". Once I became sexually active with boyfriends...she'd tell me "You better make sure you're giving him enough or he's going to leave you". I break under pressure, and tend to still put way too much pressure on myself. It's incredibly frustrating and is something I think about daily.


I don't think some guy is going to leave you if you don't give x amount of sex. Of course, it depends on the individual. Personally, I would want a lot of sex in a relationship and for more than just physically. At the same time though, I don't judge or try to put pressure on it. 

However, if a girlfriend didn't want sex (when circumstances deemed it O.K to do), I would be a bit hurt and confused. If she had sexual problems (physically or psychologically) I'd understand. If not though, I'd feel like maybe I failed and she didn't enjoy it or that she doesn't really want me. Especially if she talked about it behind my back or gave the bitchy attitude of "well, you can't have it". Then I'd feel really hurt and betrayed.


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

Selden said:


> I don't think some guy is going to leave you if you don't give x amount of sex. Of course, it depends on the individual. Personally, I would want a lot of sex in a relationship and for more than just physically. At the same time though, I don't judge or try to put pressure on it.
> 
> However, if a girlfriend didn't want sex (when circumstances deemed it O.K to do), I would be a bit hurt and confused. If she had sexual problems (physically or psychologically) I'd understand. If not though, I'd feel like maybe I failed and she didn't enjoy it or that she doesn't really want me. Especially if she talked about it behind my back or gave the bitchy attitude of "well, you can't have it". Then I'd feel really hurt and betrayed.



I have psychological issues with it (i e: pressure I put on myself constantly because of my mother's constant comments. My EX also would get PISSED at me when he'd visit me at college for a weekend and we'd only have sex one night out of the two nights he was there, and eventually broke up with me because we didn't have sex enough, he said it felt like we were just friends.) When I face negativity or pressure, I do the opposite of what I'm being pressured into. I don't succumb to pressure at all), on top of the fact the two medications I am on have the side effect of loss of libido. 

My boyfriend and I definitely communicate about it together, try new things, try to find solutions and he's incredibly understanding about it. So understanding that he deserves to get it everyday...at least twice a day. I just can't ever get myself in the mood. It's frustrating, for both of us. :frustrating: Our relationship is amazing, and it'd be so much more amazing if we just had a better sex life. When we have sex...it's fantastic! I have no problems getting off at least twice. It's just getting to that point...getting in the mood.

Not to mention I'm uptight if I hadn't shaved that day, or showered within the past 8 hours, not wearing sexy underwear, etc.. It's incredibly annoying, I don't know how to just let go and let things happen. My biggest fear is losing him, or him straying because sex IS an important part of a relationship. I don't want history repeating itself.


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## Pied Tubist (Nov 10, 2009)

I think it depends on the guy and the girl in question. All guys are interested in sex and certainly sex will get us to give you attention for one night, but it won't keep our attention for any longer if that's all you have to offer. 

The world has changed a lot since I was in college, but back then a lot of the "bad boys" I knew would try to bed as many girls as possible solely for fun, but would say privately to their male friends that if they ever found a girl who would NOT give in, then they'd consider getting more serious with her.

My general suggestion for any young woman is if a guy tries to bed you, say "no" for at least 2 months and see if respects you enough to accept that without overly pressuring you and still wants to be around you. If he leaves after he figures out that you really aren't going to give in any time soon, then he's not really into YOU, but if he stays then you may have really found a keeper.

BehindSmile, I don't think there's anything unusual about your libido. 

I'm married and over 50 but if I had my druthers the wife and I'd still be doing the wild thing once or twice a day. In the real world things just don't work that way. Due to health problems, the stress of work, being tired, etc. my wife can't keep up with that. I get less in a year than I'd like in a month, but hey I love her enough to accept that. If your boyfriend loves you, he'll be able to deal with the difference in the level of desire. Just don't be jealous if you finds out that he takes matters in hand.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Lilith*



Alitta88 said:


> *I don't know but many girls think that all what guys mostly want from them is sex not Friendship, Well, One of my relatives thinks that too, she doesn't even believe in friendship between guys and girls, she says if a guy befriended a girl or wanted to get closer to her he only wants to get into her pants, but , honestly who believe in this ? so then my best friend want to have sex with me too ? hell no !!!! of course he doesn't !! , I knew him for more than 5 years , and we're great close friends and every day we know something new about each other, he's caring, truthful and nice to everyone he knows not just to me, he would never think like that , not just my best friend ,my other guy friends too, they treat me as if I were their sister, they help me out when I'm facing a problem, they stand by my side when I need support, they represent a very important part in my life, I don't think all the guys think the same way,.. not that disgusting way ...*:mellow:


*Lilith (ESFP) says this. She wants a Scorpion between her legs. *


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## Alitta88 (Nov 4, 2009)

*well, I think it's normal that guys want sex but not all of them think of it the same..*


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Different strokes for different folks.


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## Ćerulean (Nov 18, 2008)

Alitta88 said:


> *I don't know but many girls think that all what guys mostly want from them is sex not Friendship, Well, One of my relatives thinks that too, she doesn't even believe in friendship between guys and girls, she says if a guy befriended a girl or wanted to get closer to her he only wants to get into her pants, but , honestly who believe in this ? so then my best friend want to have sex with me too ? hell no !!!! of course he doesn't !! , I knew him for more than 5 years , and we're great close friends and every day we know something new about each other, he's caring, truthful and nice to everyone he knows not just to me, he would never think like that , not just my best friend ,my other guy friends too, they treat me as if I were their sister, they help me out when I'm facing a problem, they stand by my side when I need support, they represent a very important part in my life, I don't think all the guys think the same way,.. not that disgusting way ...*:mellow:


I think when you refer to what "most" guys wants, many people of my personality type don't even relate to what most anyone wants on that basic level anyway. I can only speak from my personal experience, and that of people similar to me that I've talked to (INFJ, INFP, INTP), but I've consistently found people that I chose to associate myself with are less like what "most" people want.

I know for me personally, even if in a relationship, sex isn't important to me. To me, it seems too much of a primitive aspect of going about one's life. I think humans have evolved so much, that subjugating myself to it most times, makes me feel less of a human, actually. So instead of FUCKING everyone, why don't we get down to what really matters. Instead of having a one night stand with a girl you just recently met, let's do something more productive than simply releasing hormones which have been driving us crazy. Because once they're out, you've said your piece and people can see you for who you really are. Go for a walk around your neighborhood. Invite a friend over and play frisbee. Engage in an intellectual conversation about topics important to you with this person. Do something other than making the person you're with feel like the only reason you "with" them in the first place is because a certain part of their body appeals to your senses. That's the feeling I get from people who impulsively want to be with someone simply for the act in itself. 

I'd much rather first learn this person's quirks, who they are and what they're about instead of jumping the bandwagon into their soul. Sex is secondary in my opinion, but I can understand why some people engage in it before getting to know them. These people may be what your relative thinks. These people prefer to sleep with someone, then getting to know them in the sense of their hobbies and what they're like. Sex can make or break a relationship for some people, and can tell you a lot about that person from just one sexual encounter. So they go the quick route in sleeping with this person, but what if things don't go exactly as you planned? You've slept with this person, it turns out the outcome of the sex is dissatisfied from both you and her, now what? You're officially a scumbag.

I view having sex with someone as a gradual buildup of everything I've learned about them. I know what they're about, what I'm getting myself into by sleeping with them, and even if things don't go over well for me romantically, at least I'll be content in knowing I took steps which I feel are right and that she and I aren't simply on no speaking terms, or at least not awkward to the point where it's clear what my intentions were.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I never met a man that would be just friends with me. I try to make friends with them but they either stop being my friend or at some point want sex. If anyone know how to get a man to be just friends please share the secret.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Back to Keirsey Basics*



Alitta88 said:


> *I don't know but many girls think that all what guys mostly want from them is sex not Friendship, Well, One of my relatives thinks that too, she doesn't even believe in friendship between guys and girls, she says if a guy befriended a girl or wanted to get closer to her he only wants to get into her pants, but , honestly who believe in this ? so then my best friend want to have sex with me too ? hell no !!!! of course he doesn't !! , I knew him for more than 5 years , and we're great close friends and every day we know something new about each other, he's caring, truthful and nice to everyone he knows not just to me, he would never think like that , not just my best friend ,my other guy friends too, they treat me as if I were their sister, they help me out when I'm facing a problem, they stand by my side when I need support, they represent a very important part in my life, I don't think all the guys think the same way,.. not that disgusting way ...*:mellow:



*Simply, according to Keirsey, the best match for a NF idealist is a NT Rational. Perm any combinations of Rational types which is four on the basic system.
 *

*INTJ Hawk**
ENTJ Wolf* *
INTP Eagle**
ENTP Snake


However, it is not really as simple as this on the 384 System because your leading traits may not be NF. Could be NP Questor or even PN Psychedelic. I think you would still be better with a Rational but it might need to be the Best Match ENTP.
*


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## Tal (Oct 19, 2009)

Stereotypically it's true. I tend to think it's pretty balanced though. Girls are just as horny as guys, and fantasize just as much if not more.

My ESFP lover's very vocal about just using me for sex..lol..not that I've ever complained about it.
At one point she went to counselling to work out some issues she had going on in her life. Her counselor told her she needed to stop seeing me as I was only using her for sex and it was confusing her. She tried to convince him it was the other way around, but he wouldn't believe her.
She brought me along for one session and once he met me he realized she'd been telling the truth all along. He wouldn't see her anymore after that. I guess we kind of blew his stereotypical theories out of the water.

I think guys and girls can be close friends without a sex motive being present. But once they are close emotionally sex could happen at any time given certain circumstances (comfort sex sometimes has a place after all). The only girls I can be real friends with without sexual tension are ones I find in no way remotely attractive. With my attractive friends there's always a tension there, we just control ourselves. It's easier for me when we're both in relationships.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

Alitta88 said:


> *I don't know but many girls think that all what guys mostly want from them is sex not Friendship, Well, One of my relatives thinks that too, she doesn't even believe in friendship between guys and girls, she says if a guy befriended a girl or wanted to get closer to her he only wants to get into her pants, but , honestly who believe in this ? so then my best friend want to have sex with me too ? hell no !!!! of course he doesn't !! , I knew him for more than 5 years , and we're great close friends and every day we know something new about each other, he's caring, truthful and nice to everyone he knows not just to me, he would never think like that , not just my best friend ,my other guy friends too, they treat me as if I were their sister, they help me out when I'm facing a problem, they stand by my side when I need support, they represent a very important part in my life, I don't think all the guys think the same way,.. not that disgusting way ...*:mellow:


Girls dress like sluts, go to bars, get drunk, hit on everything with a penis they can find in their general 5 mile radius, and then are surprised all they get is laid.

No, not all men want is sex.

This concept comes from women who only get sex because they lack the capacity to experience deep and meaningful relationships, intimate or otherwise. 

Sex is actually the last thing I want from a woman. It's more like an afterthought to a relationship that the first thing I go into one with.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

Perseus said:


> *Simply, according to Keirsey, the best match for a NF idealist is a NT Rational. Perm any combinations of Rational types which is four on the basic system.
> *
> 
> *INTJ Hawk**
> ...


Ok, you gotta explain this to me, because I've never heard an animal association with different types before.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Tal said:


> Stereotypically it's true. I tend to think it's pretty balanced though. Girls are just as horny as guys, and fantasize just as much if not more.
> 
> My ESFP lover's very vocal about just using me for sex..lol..not that I've ever complained about it.
> At one point she went to counselling to work out some issues she had going on in her life. Her counselor told her she needed to stop seeing me as I was only using her for sex and it was confusing her. She tried to convince him it was the other way around, but he wouldn't believe her.
> ...


Shit, how nieve can one get!

I have the same problem in a different way. I have got a black racialist neighbour and I am white. She is also a ****, a teetotaller and a Bully.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Geronimo*



Tkae said:


> Ok, you gotta explain this to me, because I've never heard an animal association with different types before.



This is my invention but I am not the first to equate personality types with animals. Ask Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull, Jumping Badger, Hawkeye and any of the Native American Indians. I have not got to do anything.







Yellow Head was a Ojibwa Warrior who was polygamous and took several husbands.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

Perseus said:


> This is my invention but I am not the first to equate personality types with animals. Ask Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull, Jumping Badger, Hawkeye and any of the Native American Indians. I have not got to do anything.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ok ok ok, yeah, but while I'm waiting on them to get back to me through the Ouija board, have you got this stuff written down somewhere or something? :tongue:


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Perseus System*



Tkae said:


> Ok ok ok, yeah, but while I'm waiting on them to get back to me through the Ouija board, have you got this stuff written down somewhere or something? :tongue:


*

Click on Perseus in my signature
*


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

I think that is true for a lot of guys, but not everyone. Not every guy I have met wants in my pants, a good few. But not every single one of them. I think it really depends on age, and the person.. people in high school seem to be sex and drama oriented. Then again, I dunno. As a society in America. I think our culture is very sex obsessed.


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## Mikbert (Jul 19, 2009)

I'm not that interested in sex...


My penis on the other hand is pretty much obsessed with it. You should take it up with him if you have any questions, he's the one in control anyways.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

I don't think all guys want from a girl is sex. In fact, most of my guy friends are not sexually active with females that they could be with because they are looking for something more. There have been situations where I knew that there was not going to be a basis for a relationship with a guy, but was still up for some physical intimacy and they turned me down saying that they would probably get hurt. One guys said something or other about not being able to have "souless sex". I also had one guy afterward tell me that he couldn't continue a physical relationship because he felt used and it was affecting his self-esteem. So I think it just depends on the guy.


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

BehindSmile said:


> I have psychological issues with it (i e: pressure I put on myself constantly because of my mother's constant comments. My EX also would get PISSED at me when he'd visit me at college for a weekend and we'd only have sex one night out of the two nights he was there, and eventually broke up with me because we didn't have sex enough, he said it felt like we were just friends.) When I face negativity or pressure, I do the opposite of what I'm being pressured into. I don't succumb to pressure at all), on top of the fact the two medications I am on have the side effect of loss of libido.
> 
> My boyfriend and I definitely communicate about it together, try new things, try to find solutions and he's incredibly understanding about it. So understanding that he deserves to get it everyday...at least twice a day. I just can't ever get myself in the mood. It's frustrating, for both of us. :frustrating: Our relationship is amazing, and it'd be so much more amazing if we just had a better sex life. When we have sex...it's fantastic! I have no problems getting off at least twice. It's just getting to that point...getting in the mood.
> 
> Not to mention I'm uptight if I hadn't shaved that day, or showered within the past 8 hours, not wearing sexy underwear, etc.. It's incredibly annoying, I don't know how to just let go and let things happen. My biggest fear is losing him, or him straying because sex IS an important part of a relationship. I don't want history repeating itself.


Sorry if my post came off the wrong way. Like I said, I completely understand if there's a psychological or physiological aspect preventing more sex. Also, I don't want to come off as sounding like the guy who will dump a girl because it's only "one night out of the two nights". I understand that obviously you can't have sex all the time when there's college or you're both are just starting. I was just wanting a good amount if I was in a serious relationship or married.

I think what would piss me off would be if a girl held off sex as a way of "training" me. Like if she abstained from sex because she was mad at me (but not angry, just annoyed) or simply used it as a reward system. I guess the same can be said about some guys who would do that and it can apply to romance too (holding off being romantic). I think things such as sex or romance are ways of expressing intimacy or love (regardless of how long the relationship is or in what style), not ways of rewarding and punishing spouses. Some of the relationships I hear about sound more like partnerships, only helping each other out and maybe having some passion in their lives every now and then.

But I wouldn't fear about it. It sounds like you have a good amount of communication and understanding in your relationship. You sound pretty reasonable and like you're working together to make a better relationship, which seems like the key to any relationship from the successful ones I've seen. 

In some ways I understand how you feel. I don't have a libido problem or anything like it but I do know how it feels like to have a bad experience affect my future. I've been rejected a few times before. Which is completely normal, except that I tend to be selective and try to build some friendship as well. It's not that I got rejected as a date that was a problem, I understand, that's there choice. But it does hurt a bit when suddenly I lose that friend or when she gives that awkward moment after figuring it out. 

It only happened like two or three times but I guess it gave me a bit of low self esteem. Even when a girl is obviously going out of her way to flirt with me, there's a part of me that refuses to believe that could be true. Because I don't if and why a girl would like me anymore. I'm trying to ignore the few bad experiences and I am building my self esteem on looks/personality but the approaching part gets a bit harder now.

Sorry about blabbering on about it. I guess what I was trying to say, was that even though we all have a few bad experiences, it's important to remember that it doesn't mean that will happen the next person.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Popcorn*



SeekJess said:


> I think that is true for a lot of guys, but not everyone. Not every guy I have met wants in my pants, a good few. But not every single one of them. I think it really depends on age, and the person.. people in high school seem to be sex and drama oriented. Then again, I dunno. As a society in America. I think our culture is very sex obsessed.




I have recently seen the play "Popcorn" by Ben Elton on this theme.


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## Rourk (Feb 17, 2009)

skycloud86 said:


> Most men have managed to grow up into mature adults. Sadly, there appears to be a very small but very vocal minority of men who only want sex, and only ever think about sex.


I think it's the evolution of morality. Some men move past the stage and other men never grow beyond it. Then, there are the rarer breed of men who manage to skip the stage and soar into the highest of morals early on.


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Yes, you bunch of lesser-mortals.

I think to state 'all a guy wants' is almost as rediculous as to suggest that men are all commitment phobes. I did have an admittedly amusing conversation, now I think about it, with some guy friends about how many girl friends they'd had sexual fantasies concerning, and they did admit to a fair chunk, those they didn't fantasise about were absolute sister cases, or so I was told.


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

No, not all guys just want sex from a girl.

The guys that I am friends with don't deny their sexuality, but they also don't define themselves completely by it.

If they are attracted to me they don't say, or they just make nice compliments and leave it at that. The friendships are the sort where sex would never be the only thing they would want from me. The friendships are based on many aspects of our personalities and interests. They are quite deep and very caring friendships.

I don't care if my guy friends see a girl just as a sex object sometimes. I don't have a problem with them wanting to get laid. I just hope that they know how to pick a girl who is only after the same thing, so that nobody gets hurt.


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## martin (Aug 4, 2009)

I actually tend to get along better with girls than guys. Too often when interacting with other guys there's this tension in the air. Everyone has their guard up, so to speak. It's like we're competing. Over what, I don't know, but there's something definitely there. It's not there with all guys, but with many, if not most. I don't know if other guys feel this or if it's just me, nor whether or not it's just a teenage thing. Either way, there's none of that with girls, which, at least for me, tends to make things easier.


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## Munchies (Jun 22, 2009)

well obviously its not 100%, nothing is 100%. Its just that most guys only want sex.

Want some advice though? Dont act like a slut because then a guy will not treat you with respect and will only want sex from you.

Just think of it.

Say your in pirate ship looking for treasure (and what guy doesn't want treasure amiright?), and you are in the middle of a sea with tons of islands around you, and each one of these islands have unlimited amounts of treasure on it. But theres this one island with a HUGE treasure chest on it visable 5 miles out. Sure a lot of guys have probably already been to that island and the treasure box is already worn out, but theres still treasure in it! so the guy that only wants treasure will go to that island and get out.

BUT, theres that other kind of guy that will go to a nice island and stay a while and maybe find the treasure later, but doesnt matter hes enjoying the stay 

Point is dont act like a slut, and you'll avoid this problem immensely, mmkay?


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

Munchies said:


> Want some advice though? Dont act like a slut because then a guy will not treat you with respect and will only want sex from you.


Reminds me of a dramatic triangle that's going on at my husband's work at the moment. Two girls are fighting over this one guy. He's getting all the sex he could possibly want because the girls are so insecure that they keep fighting each other instead of moving on.

I met them both a few days ago, at a party. Each of them came up to me separately. I was my usual friendly self with them, and could tell that within no time I could have asked them to do just aobut anything for me. They were both that desperate for love!

I found it kinda yucky tbh, and had to try to get them to uncling from me. One of them kept calling me by a shortened version of my name, like we were long-lost buddies or something, and she kept inviting herself over for dinner. The other one kept making puppy dog eyes at me when I walked past. I felt a little mean ignoring them, but they both had a really smothering feel to them.

I felt sorry for them, because I knew they were being used... but it was exactly what they were lining themselves up for.


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

A lot of women here say that they're guy friends are only with them because they're attracted to them and wanting to get in their pants. I think the trick is to find the guy friends, not wait for them to find you. Of course they'll probably be attracted to you if you approach them. However, if you approach them for friendship or meet them from a friend, it'll probably be platonic. 

Most of the beautiful and friendly girls I know, have a lot of guy friends who really are just friends. While a lot more of the shallow and lesser pretty (not to be confused as "ugly") girls I know say all guys want is sex. So go figure...


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## Bohemian (Aug 18, 2009)

I don't believe thats true. That's probably one of the things that I least look for. There are other factors, commitment, personality etc... I think that it's just a typical stereotype.


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## Mind Marauder (Nov 12, 2009)

Addressing the original topic of the thread: No I don't think that ALL guys are like that. Some do treat women like objects but so do some women, although (and maybe I'm wrong) women do it a lot less. I want more from a relationship than just sex. Physical intimacy is a key part of a relationship but, to me, a lot of excitement can be generated on the emotional and mental levels.


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

Mind Marauder said:


> Addressing the original topic of the thread: No I don't think that ALL guys are like that. Some do treat women like objects but so do some women, although (and maybe I'm wrong) women do it a lot less. I want more from a relationship than just sex.


It seems like women treat men less like sex objects. At the same time though, it seems like women might have higher demands or want their men to be more perfect aesthetically (e.g the knight in shining armor). But regardless of sexualizing, fantasizing, I don't think one is better or worse than the other. Just as it doesn't become about being perfect and making unrealistic demands.


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## LeafStew (Oct 17, 2009)

"*God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.* " - Robin Williams


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## Mind Marauder (Nov 12, 2009)

Mestarious said:


> "*God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.* " - Robin Williams


I love Robin Williams! Great comedian.


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## paperoceans (Sep 27, 2009)

Yes, but sometimes they want other stuff too!


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## Ungweliante (Feb 26, 2009)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Quj35N-rIPM


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

paperoceans said:


> Yes, but sometimes they want other stuff too!


*sometimes*!?


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## Mind Marauder (Nov 12, 2009)

Selden said:


> *sometimes*!?


Yeah that would be true. Not all guys want to develop any emotional connection towards the woman or girl. There are however those who do want to develop emotional connections.

<--- That guy does.


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## 480 (Jan 22, 2009)

eh... it's been my experience that women are bigger pigs than men.

not to mention the fact that we're all biologically hardwired to want to screw. the fuel to that system is testosterone. 

So, to all of those who claim they don't care about sex... either you're full of crap. Or you lack in testosterone. You can feel as bad about that as I do for having it and being stuck with a ridiculous sex drive. Once we're done arguing over which is "better", we can realize that neither have much of a choice in the matter. Also, wanting something more doesn't mean I value the source any less. Emotional and physical connections are still connections. Somewhere along the way society managed to convince some of you that wanting physical connection is bad, and that somehow distancing yourself from that is noble.

The way I see it, having a high sex-drive doesnt mean you don't care about a person, or that you don't want an emotional connect. To me that is just as asinine as the notion that ugly people automatically have better personalities than pretty ones, and by default all pretty people are shallow/superficial. It's the sort of logic that exists just to make ugly people feel a bit better about themselves. Sure in some cases its true, but it is not valid enough to have a whole ideology built around it. If some of you guys feels it makes you a better person and more desirable... good luck with that. To me it is so much wishful thinking, with a splash of arrogance. I bet realistically there are woman who find each more attractive than the other.


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## Mind Marauder (Nov 12, 2009)

Grim said:


> eh... it's been my experience that women are bigger pigs than men.
> 
> not to mention the fact that we're all biologically hardwired to want to screw. the fuel to that system is testosterone.
> 
> ...


Very true! I'll be the first to admit I have a huge sex drive. Actually sex is the best way to develop emotional connections with a person. I just want to make it quite clear that sex isn't all a guy wants. That's just silly. While I still want sex it's because its something that two people who care about each other do. That care might even be a momentary and fleeting thing but for that moment those people care about each other. Also my motivation in sex isn't solely for my own gratification or pleasure, I truly do like making a woman/girl feel good. So some would say that it's still selfish because I'm enjoying pleasing someone else. Eh, I don't really care though, it's me and I that's merely who I am. However, I don't agree with men who merely have sex to have sex. Yes, it is our nature, but we are humans who can think rationally and can feel emotion deeply. We have the wonderful gift of being able to override our animal nature for certain amounts of time.


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## mrmatt (Aug 18, 2009)

total bullshit when you say _all_
some, maybe even most guys would, but not all.
i myself have a very low emphasis on it. i dont really care about it much. and a have way more female friends than male. its probably about a 5 or six to one ratio at least.
i know lots of guys who only care about that. and they give the decent guys a bad name and it really pisses me off :angry:


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

"A whole lotta love"


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## fafyrd (Nov 20, 2009)

Friendship can be an avenue for a guy to cozy up to a woman who may be "out of their league" on the attractiveness scale or who is already taken. Usually this takes place by cultivating a strong emotional attachment first, over time, through being a confidant, lending an ear, a fun-pal, an advisor, and by being a supporter for good times and bad. 

Guys and gals, through friendship like described above, can also cultivate a number of "friend-girls or friend-guys" to put on the backburner if or when their current relationship fails to minimize the time it takes to find another girlfriend or boyfriend.

Tactics used by both men and women can be to use their "target" as a self-stylized neutral party to bounce suggestions off of, such as activities, sexual questions, and more.

The "faux-friend" makes gains whenever the significant other of the "target" becomes jealous or questions the nature of the friendship. The "target" is placed in a position to justify the friendship and to minimize any perception of a relationship to their significant other. Doing so strengthens the friendship (many times toward a relationship) without any active participation from the "faux-friend". The "faux-friend" is nearly always a winner in these situations.

I think it's a particularly dishonest and sneaky way of going about a relationship. It could be argued the whole approach was deceitful, maybe even passive-aggressive. For some, they may feel they enjoy the closeness they already share with that person and feel more comfortable entering a relationship. 

Disclaimer: This is not an accurate description of all male/female friendships but is a tactic used by both sexes in gaining a relationship with another - who is usually already taken. Many times the rationalization of "faux-friend" conduct is that "they would love me if they got to know me". The gender roles above can be replaced with any gender. Use at own risk. Results may vary.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

Nah, I don't think that's ALL men want, that's coming from a woman. If all they want is good sex, then surely no man in his right mind would ever date me, as I have a low sex drive and can be unresponsive at times to physical intimacy. I don't know how to objectively rate myself on my sex appeal, but men have told me I'm quite good, although I dress rather loosely and conservatively; how'd they know whether I have a good figure to bang if they can't even see it (although I do have a high rating of my figure myself; I just don't dress provocatively)? They're _much_ better off, if sex is their object, going after what they _know_ would be good, namely, a good figure, lots of sexual experience etc. I can't deny that in my experience (according to my guy friends and ex boyfriends) sex is high up on their list of priorities.


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## Alchemical Romance (Nov 26, 2009)

Course all men want sex, but not all men want ONLY sex. For me, sex is just a bonus that comes with the other things important in a relationship. I enjoy it, but enjoy more the other things inside a relationshiproud:


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

It's rediculous, saying you can only want sex out of a relationship is like saying you can only want hugs out of a relationship. The whole only wanting sex (although a very small portion of men/woman might only want it) is a false duality that suggests that guys only want one aspect from a relationship and can't want the other.


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## RobinsonCrusoe (Nov 25, 2009)

yes.

but guys only want one thing. girls need money, clothes, shoes, sex, attention, status, etc.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

I have to refer you to the subject of evolutionary psychology. Yes it is true that some guys are mature (I like to think I am one of them). However, to say that sex plays no role whatsoever in the back of any man's mind when interacting with any female in any marital/relationship status on the part of either, is incredibly naive and scientifically false. Research has consistently found that physically attractive women always have easier lives from finding jobs, to getting out of traffic tickets, better career advancement, etc. If this is not the case why is it that attractive girls always have friends (often male), while it is only unattractive girls that have no friends. There is a saying that for a man to walk into a bar and be able to command the undivided attention and immediate assistance of a room full of women he would have to be some sort of god-emperor of the entire world. For a women to be able to do this in room full of men, she must be pretty and dressed up. This is based on a very basic primitive nature of the male mind, which is wired totally differently from the female's. Males have a deep-seated drive to mate with physically attractive women, no matter how evolved ,intelligent, or genuinely good the man is he will be like this.


I am not arguing this is right (I find it appalling), but I am being intellectually honest. I strive very hard to remove these sort of tendencies in myself, but I am not so arrogant as to think that I will ever be able to fully eradicate something which is so intrinsic to human (specifically male) minds.

Sorry for the rude awakening, but I thought you should know.


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Mostly. Depends on the girl, how well you know her, how attractive she is etc. It also varies from guy to guy. For me, sex is very important, to say the least. For others, they might value the whole 'love' and 'relationship' aspect. 

Also, people can hide what they really want. As fafyrd put in an annoyingly pompous way, dudes (and gals) can use different tactics to score, e.g. they might be out for sex, but they pretend they just want friendship. I've known/seen quite a few guys use the 'just friends' tactic to get to girls, and it usually looked pretty damn pathetic.


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## Who (Jan 2, 2010)

The question this thread poses is ridiculously absurd. Of course, men don't _just_ want sex. They also want a woman that can cook, clean, and won't talk to them when the game is on.

Joking aside, it's just a stereotype, just like the belief some men have that all women care about in relationships is financial security. Obviously not _all_ men only want sex and not _all_ women only want money.

Personally, I would only _consider_ having sex with a girl I felt extremely romantically attracted to so I definitely do want a companion. Sure, once I get in that kind of relationship, I'll probably have a much stronger desire for sex and whatnot, but that's because I view it as an intimate way of displaying love and affection, not just for my own pleasure. I'm kinda cheesy like that. :tongue:


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Side by side down the Aisle. Turn down the offer of sex.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

perennialurker said:


> I have to refer you to the subject of evolutionary psychology. Yes it is true that some guys are mature (I like to think I am one of them). However, to say that sex plays no role whatsoever in the back of any man's mind when interacting with any female in any marital/relationship status on the part of either, is incredibly naive and scientifically false. Research has consistently found that physically attractive women always have easier lives from finding jobs, to getting out of traffic tickets, better career advancement, etc. If this is not the case why is it that attractive girls always have friends (often male), while it is only unattractive girls that have no friends. There is a saying that for a man to walk into a bar and be able to command the undivided attention and immediate assistance of a room full of women he would have to be some sort of god-emperor of the entire world. For a women to be able to do this in room full of men, she must be pretty and dressed up. This is based on a very basic primitive nature of the male mind, which is wired totally differently from the female's. Males have a deep-seated drive to mate with physically attractive women, no matter how evolved ,intelligent, or genuinely good the man is he will be like this.
> 
> 
> I am not arguing this is right (I find it appalling), but I am being intellectually honest. I strive very hard to remove these sort of tendencies in myself, but I am not so arrogant as to think that I will ever be able to fully eradicate something which is so intrinsic to human (specifically male) minds.
> ...




Typical INTJ view of the world. Not everybody sees the world like this!

Wolves (ENTJ) and Cats (ISFP) may do.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

Since my first post, I've been thinking of another answer to your question.

I've found it.

The answer is no.

We also want a beer and a sandwich.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

Enjoy your positive friendships, but don't get surprised if one day either of you considers the other as a potential partner (unless you're uninterested in each other in a ridiculously obvious way).


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## gee8648 (Jan 8, 2010)

As a young maleI think about sex A LOT. And yes I do have close female friends and yes i do think about banging them too. I don't act on my feelings tho because I value their friendship. Basically the moral of the story is yes guys instinctively think about sex because that is what we are programmed to do! But we don't have to let it dominate our lives, we can still value friendship and other of feelings too (I can't name any off the top of my head but you know what I'm talking about... stuff other than sex) hahaha!


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

perennialurker said:


> I have to refer you to the subject of evolutionary psychology. Yes it is true that some guys are mature (I like to think I am one of them). However, to say that sex plays no role whatsoever in the back of any man's mind when interacting with any female in any marital/relationship status on the part of either, is incredibly naive and scientifically false. Research has consistently found that physically attractive women always have easier lives from finding jobs, to getting out of traffic tickets, better career advancement, etc. If this is not the case why is it that attractive girls always have friends (often male), while it is only unattractive girls that have no friends. There is a saying that for a man to walk into a bar and be able to command the undivided attention and immediate assistance of a room full of women he would have to be some sort of god-emperor of the entire world. For a women to be able to do this in room full of men, she must be pretty and dressed up. This is based on a very basic primitive nature of the male mind, which is wired totally differently from the female's. Males have a deep-seated drive to mate with physically attractive women, no matter how evolved ,intelligent, or genuinely good the man is he will be like this.
> 
> 
> I am not arguing this is right (I find it appalling), but I am being intellectually honest. I strive very hard to remove these sort of tendencies in myself, but I am not so arrogant as to think that I will ever be able to fully eradicate something which is so intrinsic to human (specifically male) minds.
> ...


Very true. Basic instinct for all guys is to have sex, however it's not true that all guys want from a girl is sex. I personally want to like the girl a lot and have a stable relationship first but I don't mind if the order is a little mixed up :crazy:


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## alice144 (Dec 31, 2009)

I had some guy "inform" me the other day that his girlfriend was gone for two weeks on vacation. Like, in a sexual way.

I can't imagine what made him think I would be interested... I'm mousy, quiet, and dress like crap. Is that like the new symbolism for "sexually aware"...?


I'd love to date if I thought that guys would actually friggin' take me somewhere. But all they do is stare at my body, and jump at any excuse to touch me. I feel so pressured to do something, and I don't want to. I hate it!

Some guy asked me out a couple of weeks ago, but it never got anywhere, because although I kept suggesting... "let's do something" he never actually did. I'm new in town, I don't know what's up. It got me thinking that maybe what we were looking to get out of it were two very separate things.

My friends in college only do hookups. Like after-the-frat-party-I'm-really-drunk-and-horny type hookups. I don't think I know anyone my age who is actually in a relationship. They might be having sex, yes, but no boyfriends or girlfriends.

What the hell is going on?


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## Bett (Dec 25, 2009)

People who think that all a man wants from a woman is sex seem to have the general approach of _men are from Mars, women are from Venus_, which is not true at all. There are more differences in genders than between them, and I know beer-drinking, bearded men who are more feminine than I deep down. I am also the more sexually hungry party in my relationship (my partner is a man). Most healthy, mature people want sex, but how much and from whom is more diverse.

And to make the question look even more silly, if it was true...
...would that not mean that guys who hang out with their sisters or mothers have incestuous tendencies?
...would bisexual men be sex-hungry beasts towards both men and women, and homosexuals completely unwilling to interact with the opposite sex at all?


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## alice144 (Dec 31, 2009)

If a man didn't sometime only want sex from a woman, then why would we have coined the term "one-night stand"?

I'm not saying it can't be mutually enjoyable; just that it's clearly only about one thing.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

giraffe11 said:


> If you make the guy feel that there's more to know, he will want sex, but is more likely to be patient. Sex is always on a guy's mind somewhere in the background, but it's not always the goal.


I'm sorry, but this is nothing more than stereotypical. It's like saying that shopping is always on a woman's mind somewhere in the background. Yes, men are usually more sexual than women, but we're not the knuckle-dragging cavemen that our dim and distant ancestors were.


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

Yes, yes it is true. It's also true that the only thing a girl wants from a guy is his money. 

Money honestly doesn't matter much to me, and I've had plenty of guys who wanted me for more than sex. 


See if you can figure out which statement is true.


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## Enkidu (Apr 19, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> I'm sorry, but this is nothing more than stereotypical. It's like saying that shopping is always on a woman's mind somewhere in the background. Yes, men are usually more sexual than women, but we're not the knuckle-dragging cavemen that our dim and distant ancestors were.


Yes we are. There is essentially no morphological difference between modern humans and those from 500-750,000 years ago. We lived alongside Neanderthals and other big apes not too long ago. Teenage guys are so horny because it was their prime in a dangerous time :tongue:. Why do you think guys hit their testosterone peak between 23-30? We're very much like our ancestors except now we live in anthills, need laws, and have a higher opinion of our natures...



Aerorobyn said:


> Yes, yes it is true. It's also true that the only thing a girl wants from a guy is his money.
> 
> Money honestly doesn't matter much to me, and I've had plenty of guys who wanted me for more than sex.
> 
> ...


Security or a need to sow your seed? Some people just put a priority on their physical drives over their emotional maturity and tact.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

holloko said:


> Yes we are. There is essentially no morphological difference between modern humans and those from 500-750,000 years ago. We lived alongside Neanderthals and other big apes not too long ago. Teenage guys are so horny because it was their prime in a dangerous time :tongue:. Why do you think guys hit their testosterone peak between 23-30? We're very much like our ancestors except now we live in anthills, need laws, and have a higher opinion of our natures..


Even so, we're not always thinking about sex, either consciously or subconsciously.


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## Enkidu (Apr 19, 2010)

I'm sure as hell no Freudian but we aren't fallen angels. There is more going on in most of our heads than most of us are aware of. 
"If you cut me, do I not bleed?" :wink:


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

holloko said:


> I'm sure as hell no Freudian but we aren't fallen angels. There is more going on in most of our heads than most of us are aware of.
> "If you cut me, do I not bleed?" :wink:


Fair enough, but it's still stereotypical to assume that because someone is a man, that they are certainly thinking of sex in the background all of the time.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

holloko said:


> Let's all admit something here: sex is okay. :laughing: But when that's all a guy wants it's called being abusive and neglectful, and rightly so. There's a reason why drunks, losing all their usual inhibitions when drunk, are just a walking libido. We are one of the only species that's in heat year round. Now don't tell me sex isn't floating around somewhere in our subconsciousness. The fact of the matter is that most likely, yes, the guy wants sex. But wait, there's hope! There are many guys that want this in _addition_ to a fulfilling relationship. It's a matter of finding the right harmony between the romantic and physical.



Sex is definitely floating around in my subconscious part of my mind. I am not going to argue that. That's just natural. Even asexuals couldn't completely wipe there mind of sex. I will be amazed if they could.:laughing:


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I am 46 years old and have never met a man in real life that could be my friend without eventually asking for sex. But that does not mean one don't exist somewhere. I would like to meet one one day. If one exist I would love to be your friend.


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## walkawaysun09 (Mar 13, 2010)

...Damn you stereotypes, making me have to atone for the sins of pricks who live by them period.

*goes back to his celibacy corner* I'll be here till you guys realize it's not true. I've been here a while as is.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

I had a really crappy experience about a year ago.

I met two different guys online and I thought we were friends. I could tell there was some minor chemistry going on, but our relationships really were about talking deeply about our lives and/or about very indepth subjects -- philosophy, social patterns, religion and spirituality, whatever else. I thought we had developed a deep friendship.

But apparently both of them had more sexual interests in mind and after a few months, things drifted in that direction... and when it became clear that a romantic relationship wasn't going to happen at that time (although later was still a possibility) ... both quickly (not meanly, not insultingly) basically stopped talking to me and went elsewhere. I thought we had a friendship apart from sexual interests, but that wasn't true.

So yeah. This might be a cliche, but there's a reason for that. I think sexual energy drives a lot of male engagement/pursuit of women even if it is not expressed that way, and when it's clear that sex will not be part of the picture, the male drive shifts interest elsewhere. It sucks. I was rather devastated at the time, but I learned something.


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

I'm a guy :O

I don't want sex from a girl.

Or from a guy, for that matter.

At least without a shit load of other things I want more being fulfilled first.

So I wouldn't say it's true, no :O


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Jennywocky said:


> I had a really crappy experience about a year ago.
> 
> I met two different guys online and I thought we were friends. I could tell there was some minor chemistry going on, but our relationships really were about talking deeply about our lives and/or about very indepth subjects -- philosophy, social patterns, religion and spirituality, whatever else. I thought we had developed a deep friendship.
> 
> ...



This is exactly what happens to me over and over and over again. The friendship eventually turns to the man wanting sex. And when that don't happen the drift away. I have seen this pattern my entire life. And it has been with men that knew up front there was not going to be any sexual activity. If there is a man out there that can have a long term friendship with a woman without asking for sex speak now or forever be included with the average man. You have lots of woman that will dearly love you if you exist.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Jennywocky said:


> I had a really crappy experience about a year ago.
> 
> I met two different guys online and I thought we were friends. I could tell there was some minor chemistry going on, but our relationships really were about talking deeply about our lives and/or about very indepth subjects -- philosophy, social patterns, religion and spirituality, whatever else. I thought we had developed a deep friendship.
> 
> ...


Wow, that really sucks. :sad:

Well, I am often very flirtatious around female friends, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I am seriously interested in them romantically.
Also, when I _am _genuinely interested, it is because I have established a deeper interest-based friendship - which means disinterest on her part won't jeopardize the relationship.


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## HannibalLecter (Apr 18, 2010)

Depends on a male. Some do, many don't.
Some want a relationship. There are even some who are uncomfortable with pre-marital sex. If all they want is sex, what is the cause of that discomfort?


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Yeah, I think everyone is different and some guys might not really behave like this; I just feel based on my life experience I see more men than women drifting into that pattern of deep friendship -> physical intimacy, whereas for women it seems easier for us to, even if we might feel sexual attraction, to keep it all separate, and be able to maintain the deep friendship without sex being involved. (I mean, really, there would have never been a movie like "When Harry Met Sally" if this was an obscure pattern!)

There are guys who I know are involved with other people, who I really like, and while I'm really attracted to them, I don't have an issue with just never going there or even revealing I'd enjoy going there. I just can compartmentalize it without a lot of effort. I still can dote on them and care about them even if it never goes romantic. (I can get "girl crushes" on friends too, where I dote on them, but it's not a romantic thing even if we can hang all over each other.)

I do have some guy friends who have never even made an attempt to go there, and I really value just having them as friends. I still can't help but feel wary if a guy touches me, or wants to give a back massage, or something else; there are lots of physical contact things that seem innocent, but based on my experience, I can't tell if it's just friendship or a romantic play disguised as innocent touch.



HannibalLecter said:


> Depends on a male. Some do, many don't.
> Some want a relationship. There are even some who are uncomfortable with pre-marital sex. If all they want is sex, what is the cause of that discomfort?


I think if both people telegraph up front that all they want is sex, with no strings attached, then it's cool.

It's when it gets disguised as one thing but what they really want (whether realized or not) is something else, then it's uncool. 

Relationships are negotiations; the former transaction is an honest one, the latter transaction is a dishonest one.
There's also a problem where the guy might not be aware that sex is inherent within his drive to build the relationship; I don't want to insinuate a guy is plotting, he might just really excited about this woman, and then when she makes it clear she's not interested [at least right then?], his drive just automatically diminishes and he follows his nose elsewhere.

Really, this conversation could easily veer right into biological gender drives... the male drive to spread his genes and the female desire to build nests and protect against short-term wastes of resources.


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## Sizzorhandz (Jan 25, 2010)

There's this dude in my class in school, he's sick. This whole year hea has had girl firend after girl firend. He comes to school and tells everybody aobut how he cheats on them and how he has sex with sooooo many girls, it's people like him htat end up on welfare with four baby mommas. I know some women like this too.


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## Jinxies (May 5, 2010)

You know what's better than having a guy as a friend? Having a guy as a friend who periodically is a bed buddy and there are absolutely no strings attached, no jealousy, etc. Ahhhh, that is bliss. I have one of those and he's awesome. I think he'd like more from our relationship, but I'm not prepared to go down that path with him. 

I know and have met guys who do not "only" want sex from women. Most of them are older and are looking for their life companion now that they've settled. 

I know that sometimes, women only want sex... but we are more subtle about it. Personally, sometimes that's all I want from a guy, but I'll be upfront about it.


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## retypepassword (Apr 11, 2010)

Blue Butterfly said:


> This is exactly what happens to me over and over and over again. The friendship eventually turns to the man wanting sex. And when that don't happen the drift away. I have seen this pattern my entire life.


I find this extremely depressing, particularly because you're more than twice my age, so you've probably seen a lot more than I have. I wasn't aware of men doing this up until a few months ago, when a friend of mine started talking about trying to get down the pants of some women he had befriended. Before then, watching his interactions with them, I truly thought it was strictly platonic and had no idea he could think of them as potential mates or potential means for sexual gratification.



> And it has been with men that knew up front there was not going to be any sexual activity. If there is a man out there that can have a long term friendship with a woman without asking for sex speak now or forever be included with the average man.


The entire time I'd been reading this thread, I was formulating an experiment that could test my subconscious and see whether or not I'm actually interested in sex, because I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not. Details of the experiment: Drug me, to suppress my conscious behavior-regulating mechanism, and attempt to seduce me. If I do anything more than jack off (by myself), I would be greatly dismayed at my own behavior. The one reasonable substance I can think of is alcohol, but I'm a little more than a year underage, and most alcoholic beverages I know of aren't vegan anyway, so I definitely wouldn't drink it on that premise. Even if I were of age and the alcoholic beverage were vegan, I still wouldn't drink it, though, because of the harm it would supposedly do to my well-being.

I realized a few years ago after reading about men objectifying women that I probably did it, too, but that I didn't want to continue doing it, so I've tried suppressing the thoughts and effectively brainwashing myself to prevent those sorts of thoughts from occurring in the first place... Also, It's not that I think it's "wrong" for people to have sex. I just don't like the idea of the penetrator and the penetratee: It seems too much like one person has to be superior to the other in order for it to work, and I deeply feel that both should be equals, at least when I'm involved (it's not really my business to mind what other people do).
</sort of off-topic>

That said, I do think most men do ultimately want sex from friends of theirs who happen to be women. But I refuse to believe that it's what _I_ want, and I'd like to think you wouldn't even be able to pry my integrity from my dead body.


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## kyebosh (Mar 18, 2010)

No.

(+ a few characters)


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

retypepassword said:


> That said, I do think most men do ultimately want sex from friends of theirs who happen to be women. But I refuse to believe that it's what _I_ want, and I'd like to think you wouldn't even be able to pry my integrity from my dead body.


You would have to remove gay men, asexual men, older men who aren't interested in sex anymore, men with low testosterone/sex drive and transmen from "most men", and that's before you remove men like you and me (although I'm also part of the low testosterone and low sex drive group) who don't desire sex with every woman they know who isn't a relative.


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