# In my first relationship and feeling a little "off"... I need some mature advice



## aubreytil (Oct 19, 2009)

*In my first relationship and feeling a little "off"... I need some mature advice*

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. We're in our early 20's and we are each other's firsts. We had a relatively fast courtship (2 weeks) but it didn't stop both of us from being each other's best friends. He is one of the kindest, most honest, and most sincere men I know, and I know that he loves me deeply. I love him very much too, although it took me a while to get there (he said it to me first). We get along so well and we rarely fight, and there are days when I wake up feeling like the luckiest girl in the world for having such a loving boyfriend as him. All in all, I'm attracted to him in all aspects and we have tons of fun together. Aside from our similar values and way of thinking, he is the complete opposite of my "type", but I fell in love with him anyway. I don't know what I'd do without him in my life. 

Starting last night, though, I've started feeling a little "off" about our relationship. I'm not feeling it at all at the moment. It's like, one minute, I couldn't wait to see him, and literally the next, I found myself feeling a little overcrowded, with him sitting beside me in the car. To make matters worse, we met this guy who's totally my type and I had a lot of fun conversing with him. I was really attracted to him, yes, but I know it's just a silly, normal crush. (But I'll still try to avoid that guy anyway.) It got me thinking a lot about my relationship with my boyfriend though, like, 'why can't he be like this guy? Why does he keep doing that? I wish he wouldn't do that' kind of stuff. The whole time on the way home, I was thinking about that. But when he walked me to the door and kissed and hugged me goodnight, everything was suddenly all right and I couldn't get enough of him once again. Then... I started feeling "off" again right before going to sleep and now, after I woke up, it's still there. 

I never regretted our 2-week courtship, but now, it's got me thinking twice. Breaking up with him is out of the question because I love him so, but I'd really like to know what's going on with me and if it's normal, as this is my first relationship. I really want to make this work. And if it does, will "this" still be bound to happen again in the future? Should I tell him about this at all?

Should I see him tonight, as absence makes the heart grow fonder? (We see each other 4-5 times a week, after he gets off from work.) Because I'm afraid that if I don't see him at this crucial time, I might end up losing even more feelings for him. And if I do see him, I'm afraid I might end up too suffocated instead. 

Please help me sort out my thoughts. I'm only 22 and I really need some mature, more experienced advice.


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## lepetitlapin (Mar 3, 2010)

It sounds to me like the relationship may have gotten pretty serious pretty quickly. I would say that what you're feeling is totally normal. But, I do think you should cut down the amount of time you spend with him, at least for a little while. 4-5 times a week is a lot, and I think most people would start to feel suffocated. Tough though it may be, I think the easiest way to get that cant-wait-to-see-them feeling back is to tone it down a little


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## Wheelie (Apr 2, 2010)

I agree with lepetitlapin, totally normal, you may have just come out of the honeymoon period. Don't expect anything from him, like don't start getting angry because he didn't do something you wanted and how you wanted. Once you start expecting like the relationship is a transaction like My love for your love transaction its gonna go down hill fast.

Just appreciate him for who he is like you've always have.


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## aubreytil (Oct 19, 2009)

lepetitlapin said:


> It sounds to me like the relationship may have gotten pretty serious pretty quickly. I would say that what you're feeling is totally normal. But, I do think you should cut down the amount of time you spend with him, at least for a little while. 4-5 times a week is a lot, and I think most people would start to feel suffocated. Tough though it may be, I think the easiest way to get that cant-wait-to-see-them feeling back is to tone it down a little


Whew, I'm glad it's normal. I was thinking that since we got serious fast, then I would probably reach the end of the honeymoon phase faster than normal too...

You're right, I guess I was just starting to feel suffocated. I spent some time doing things on my own and it really helped.


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## aubreytil (Oct 19, 2009)

Willy said:


> I agree with lepetitlapin, totally normal, you may have just come out of the honeymoon period. Don't expect anything from him, like don't start getting angry because he didn't do something you wanted and how you wanted. Once you start expecting like the relationship is a transaction like My love for your love transaction its gonna go down hill fast.
> 
> Just appreciate him for who he is like you've always have.


Thanks! I'm not normally a "complain-y" type of person, so I guess it was just that one time when I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the relationship. But still, I'll try to be more accepting of him at this point in time.

Strange, though, even with all the adrenaline rush and the thrills of our first few months, I prefer our relationship now, where everything is deeper and more constant. It started feeling that way around our 4th month, but I guess the "official" transitioning point a few days ago was what caught me off guard. Still, I'm glad to be where I am.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

lepetitlapin said:


> It sounds to me like the relationship may have gotten pretty serious pretty quickly. I would say that what you're feeling is totally normal. But, I do think you should cut down the amount of time you spend with him, at least for a little while. 4-5 times a week is a lot, and I think most people would start to feel suffocated. Tough though it may be, I think the easiest way to get that cant-wait-to-see-them feeling back is to tone it down a little


I agree with this. I met my husband at age 22 and we saw each other about 2-3 times a week if that. I looked forward to seeing him rather than feeling suffocated. We realised it was love by about 4 weeks. and 14 years later...

good luck. I hope it works out for you.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Willy said:


> I agree with lepetitlapin, totally normal, you may have just come out of the honeymoon period. Don't expect anything from him, like don't start getting angry because he didn't do something you wanted and how you wanted. Once you start expecting like the relationship is a transaction like My love for your love transaction its gonna go down hill fast.
> 
> Just appreciate him for who he is like you've always have.



Yes I remember around 5-6 month stage hubbie would kiss me a little less, and I got deeply offended at the time though I never spoke to him about it, just adjusted. But now I realise that he was just comfortable with me and relaxed, which is a good thing.


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