# Do you have someone to comfort you when sad?



## Another Lost Cause (Oct 6, 2015)

I don't think others really know when those inner demons try to bring me down. I suffer with them alone because expressing them just isn't something I do. I don't think there's anyone in my life that'd really want to listen to them anyway. They'd probably offer their advice on the best buildings to jump off of.


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## UraniaIsis (Nov 26, 2014)

My sister. Considering our predecessors and their siblings had very parasitic relationships, I consider myself blessed. But, I'm more productive when I resolve my emotions on my own with no one to question my temporary insanity.


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## Jakuri (Sep 7, 2015)

No. I grew up in a caring household, sure. But I doubt they can understand me. Other people, less so. I am used to taking care of things on my own. Why bother when I would not be taken seriously, almost always (i.e., being told to "relax", "it will be fine", "just get to work" etc)?


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## Peter (Feb 27, 2010)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> And by someone to comfort you I don't mean just someone who will listen to you vent. I mean someone who genuinely cares for you and feels your pain and will do anything to make you feel better.


I probably do, but I wouldn't like it at all if someone would show loads of empathy. I'd much rather have someone who would offer me a solution to the problem that caused me to feel bad. The last thing I need is someone that "feels my pain". I can deal with my feelings by myself just fine.


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## Watchtower (Aug 20, 2015)

No. Never have either. I guess it started with my family, emotional expressions are something they don't really know how to do or deal with. Their parents are exactly the same. I used to use food as comfort, bingeing and withholding food to gain a sense of control when things felt overwhelming. Not a good strategy at all, and it created more problems than comfort. Then there were books and movies where I could put myself in someone else's shoes and pretend to feel what they felt when somebody really did comfort them. Sometimes it can work or at least help take the edge off.

But no actual human being has ever managed to comfort me. And it has always felt that nobody would ever even want to do that. I think that over the years I've yearned for comfort so much that I've created so many illusions and expectations that it's impossible to ever feel satisfied whenever bits and pieces of it fall my way. It's never enough anymore, nobody understands. So I just try to find healthy ways to comfort myself without relying on others for it.


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## Rose for a Heart (Nov 14, 2011)

I would like to pretty badly, but I don't :/


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

Usually I can find comfort from one of four people, depending on what it's about and whether I catch them at a good time when they can stop and listen.


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## Nesta (Jan 17, 2015)

Yes, I do. I don't always turn to them though. I am working on being more open and being more able to ask for comfort and help. I am not alone and don't have to act tough about things even though that is my first instinct.


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## jade09 (May 5, 2016)

I don't want anyone to comfort me when I'm sad (not that I'm sad that often to begin with). I think being able to take in all of the sadness or any other emotions by yourself teaches you a lot of things. I always think that there's no one that understands me better than myself and I don't care for anyone to feel sad from putting themselves in my shoes cause their comforting won't work for me anyways


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## Brunissen (May 20, 2016)

My sister is a caring person and a good listener. She genuinely cries for others and always notices when someone is sad. I know she'd welcome me with open arms if I would like to cry on her shoulder. But I rarely accept it. It just hurts me more to cry with someone, and see this person crying for me. I prefer a good advice, or someone who silently understands me.

Maybe I have too much pride, or this belief that if I show how helpless I really am sometimes, I'll be rejected.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

No, and I sincerely miss the person who used to.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Nobody cares. I just need someone to tell me to not kill myself once in a while, that's how it works.


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## QueenBella (Aug 27, 2015)

Not really. Even though I have friends but I don't feel like I can lean on them when I'm down, or my family either. But I've been handling it well lately. It's not easy and it wasn't from the start, but it's getting easier. it still doesn't stop me from being someone they can lean on which I gladly would always be there for them..


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> And by someone to comfort you I don't mean just someone who will listen to you vent. I mean someone who genuinely cares for you and feels your pain and will do anything to make you feel better.


I have a cat, does that count? Even most of my freinds are like "Fuck you" when I having issues. I have to be perfect, there is no other way to be. Fuck people! The world does not allow for you to feel, you just have to keep going. No one gives a damn about your baggage, only what they can get from you. This is how the world is. No one cares about anyone! Live or die you are a worthless commodity who is only worth what you can produce. People are objects and that is all! I am, you are, we all are. No one cares about stupid emotions.

Your family member dies-Get the fuck over it they are dirt in the ground 
Your family member abandons you-Buck up mister you got shit to do 
Your family member trys to kill you or themselves-Well your still alive move on 
Your partner cheats on you-There are more people in the see 
You get outed-Well who gives a fuck, its your fualt for not hiding it better 
You get raped-Oh well, did you decide to keep the baby
Your child was killed-Get a new one

People dont give a damn about anyone, and your problems dont mean shit. You learn eventually to turn that little switch off in your head and stop being so god damn sensitive. Since there is no room for sympathy in this world. You have to learn to be a cold heartless machine to survive. The world is cruel and so are people, the only way to survive is lose your soul along the way. Emotions are idiotic.

Cruelty is all I know, and this is what life has tuaght me. I tried to be kind in order to save others but in the end I realize if I dont get any return maybe its not worth it after all.


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

Fynest One said:


> _*Does my mom count? Other than that, nope:sad:. *_


This was just so sweet and cute it made me laugh. Its good your mommy loves you spongebob.


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## salt (Jun 22, 2015)

well i have my friend isfj, but i only come to her becuz i know she likes discussing about feelings. shes kinda useless


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

salt said:


> well i have my friend isfj, but i only come to her becuz i know she likes discussing about feelings. shes kinda useless


Kind of not very nice calling a friend who listens to your problems - useless. If she were useless you wouldn't have gone to her in the first place.


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

QueenBella said:


> Not really. Even though I have friends but I don't feel like I can lean on them when I'm down, or my family either. But I've been handling it well lately. It's not easy and it wasn't from the start, but it's getting easier. it still doesn't stop me from being someone they can lean on which I gladly would always be there for them..


I wouldn't exactly call these "friends" so I'd say keep looking, you seem like a lovely person so you will eventually find great friends.


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

MisterPerfect said:


> I have a cat, does that count? Even most of my freinds are like "Fuck you" when I having issues. I have to be perfect, there is no other way to be. Fuck people! The world does not allow for you to feel, you just have to keep going. No one gives a damn about your baggage, only what they can get from you. This is how the world is. No one cares about anyone! Live or die you are a worthless commodity who is only worth what you can produce. People are objects and that is all! I am, you are, we all are. No one cares about stupid emotions.
> 
> Your family member dies-Get the fuck over it they are dirt in the ground
> Your family member abandons you-Buck up mister you got shit to do
> ...


The problem with the world is that there are people like you vs oversensitive ones. Very few balanced humans nowadays who know when to reach for help and be emotional abd when to suck it up. And no, family member dying (assuming you loved them) and you or your friends/other family not giving a shit is not normal, a normal reaction for you would be grief and for friends/family to be supportive of you. That's not being oversensitive. That's being humane. Oversensitive would mean crying over petty stuff like broken nails, an 80% instead of a 90, crush you barely know datin someone else etc.

I'm really sorry you think this world is that bad, you probably talk solely based on empirical knowledge, I assume your main function is Fi or Si.
If you continue having this attitude though you will continue to have shit people around you and die alone with the cat because when you think everyone is an enemy, guess what, everyone becomes an enemy.

It is hard to trust anyone nowadays but you seem like a smart enough guy, I'm pretty sure you're competent enough to distinguish between good and bad people. When you find a good one, give him/her a chance. You may get burnt once or twice along the way but in the end you'll inevitably find amazing people down the road.


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## Introvertia (Feb 6, 2016)

Besides my family, I do have one friend like that. 


* *




She's the only person outside my family who came to see me regularly at the hospital after I tried to kill myself a few years ago. I believe she loves me, as a friend. After something that extreme happens, people start treating you differently, either feel pity for you or walk on eggshells. 

But not her, she treats me the same as always. She's one of the few I feel like I can truly trust, because she treats me as equal to her. She takes my worries seriously, offers me options when I'm stuck, while some other people throw around supposedly 'comforting' yet empty sentences like "it's going to be alright, don't worry" when they don't know what else to say and wish you talked to a shrink instead. Textbook professionals offer equally useless advice.


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## Denver Wallace (Feb 28, 2017)

I find this forum can give some support though It is different when someone Is really uhmm "reachable"? you know?


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## minikat313 (Mar 9, 2017)

@Fynest One ditto :laughing::kitteh::happy: she's the only one who I feel _actually_ listens  she's very comforting when you talk to her about feelings. Most of the time I just write down or think about my feelings and work through them on my own, trying to get logical explanations for things, which comforts me haha


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## Burning_Daylight (Mar 6, 2017)

Nope.


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## Katie Koopa (Jun 25, 2014)

No, I usually prefer it that way though.


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

Yes. GOD


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## Asmodaeus (Feb 15, 2015)

my brain!


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## Librarylady (Mar 11, 2017)

I don't think I'd want that, personally. I don't like feeling vulnerable, and I don't like being touched (which a lot of people try to do when they're feeling sentimental). I have people I can vent to and get advice from, and that's all I require. Sometimes problems can be hard to deal with, but I'd rather get logical support than plain sympathy.


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## brightflashes (Oct 27, 2015)

What an interesting question. I find it interesting because I do not look to anyone else for comfort. For me to feel comforted, I have to process emotions myself. Maybe this has to do with Fi.

There was this one moment when my dad was alive when I actively sought out comfort and it was in a moment of disorientation and confusion. It was the day of the World Trade Center attacks and it was around 4 -5 pm. I don't know why I went there, but I went to my dad's house. He helped me figure out what was going on with me. He said, "Wow, you must be really upset." And I was like, "I don't know, I guess. Why do you think that?" (He and I both knew I dealt with stress on my own, not by seeking out support). He said, "Because you're actually coming here to talk about it." 

It might seem very strange and almost inhuman for someone to be so upset about something that they want to speak to someone else about it but not even knowing that's what one feels. Anyway, it was a very startling moment for me and every time I remember it, I realize just how far human connection can go under stress. 

My dad passed, but I think the person who gets me best after that is my brother.


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## felina (Mar 28, 2017)

My parents.


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## crazitaco (Apr 9, 2010)

Nope.
I'm the best person to comfort myself when I'm sad.


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## OHtheNovelty (Aug 14, 2016)

No, not really. I just vent to my INTP friend and I feel better. Or when I'm alone and I'm feeling really sad for some reason (these days are super rare) I'll cry by myself for half an hour and feel so much better. I don't really have anyone to hug and cry on (I think I would be happier if I did have someone to do that on).

But I'm happy to be that person for others though. Like for my INTP friend, I listen to her worries and frustrations and she sometimes shakes me to make me understand. I just stay quiet and let her do her thing, and she really appreciates it (and feels sliiightly guilty for the shaking me but I don't mind).


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## Heavelyn (Oct 24, 2015)

Not really, but I don't have problem finding a one any time I need.


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## Nekomata (May 26, 2012)

My mother and my boyfriend <3 don't know how I can live without them :3


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