# Why does it seem like most people can't "read" me?



## BroNerd (Nov 27, 2010)

Tenebrae said:


> It's really strange. I mean, I often get comments on how expressive I can be... and yet, a lot of people seem to have to ask me outright whether I'm joking, whether I like a show we've been talking about for an hour, etc. It's especially weird because I can see pretty easily in myself that my entire demeanor changes based on my attitude toward something... but maybe those changes are too subtle for most others to notice?
> 
> Whether it's real life, a phone call, or a forum post doesn't seem to matter, either, so it's a pretty consistent thing.
> 
> ...


I think it's moreso that most people are actually quite bad at reading others. If you have a dark/dry sense of humor, some people may not notice it...especially since they are used to hearing such things said more seriously..


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## Yomotsu Risouka (May 11, 2012)

pmj85 said:


> You've never met an INFJ.
> 
> Next question


Actually, I once dated an INFJ. I was better at reading people than she was, and we broke up partly because I often saw through her when she went into denial.


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## pmj85 (Jul 31, 2010)

Tenebrae said:


> Actually, I once dated an INFJ. I was better at reading people than she was, and we broke up partly because I often saw through her when she went into denial.


Fake and / or utterly inept INFJ.

We are the bestern bestest at reading people. Evar.


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## Yomotsu Risouka (May 11, 2012)

pmj85 said:


> Fake and / or utterly inept INFJ.
> 
> We are the bestern bestest at reading people. Evar.


It might have been for lack of trying, honestly. She had more than her share of problems.


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

it's because you don't fit any "personality profile" they already have in their heads. people tend to be able to read those whose behavior they can predict. if you are like someone they've known before, they (un)consciously label you as such in their mind, and have some idea how to interact with you. if your reactions aren't so predictable to them (that is, they've never met someone with your personality type before), they are more likely not to know how to interact with you.

i find that people tend to assume that if you don't speak up against things, that you are hesitant to speak for yourself if you like or don't like something, and need your true opinions drawn out by asking you about it (when in reality you may just not care, and you would speak up if you _did_ care), or that if you are sensitive at all, you are hypersensitive (such that they have to walk on eggshells around you, when in reality that's not the case). they've met people before who are that way, because it's common to come across people like that, so they are placing you in that category in their mind. 

just be thankful you have considerate friends who actually care how you feel about things, or have the desire to understand you correctly. there are a ton of people in the world who wouldn't give others that sort of consideration, or would jump to the wrong conclusions rather than giving you a chance to explain yourself.

the same thing happens with me...people say they can't figure me out ~ they've never met an INFJ before, i assume, so they don't really know how to read me or predict how i'll respond to each situation...

and - for the record - INFJs are just as capable of mis-reading people, as anyone else. we can see beyond people's masks, we can sense people's feelings and general character, but we aren't mind-readers - that's a myth. projection often enters into the equation, and one's inherent enneatypical vulnerability can render them hypersensitive such that they read "affronts," "threats," or "issues" where they do not exist.


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