# How to Deal with Clingy Friends



## Djanga (Nov 28, 2010)

So, I go to a boarding school (yes, contrary to popular belief, they do in fact still exist outside of fantasy novels). One of my best friends lives just down the hall from me in our boarding house, and lately we've been doing everything together. She's almost like the childhood best friend I never had--I can vent to her about people and the other banes of my existence, we have amazing conversations and she is the only person I can do really stupid stuff with, like having midnight tea parties and sneaking off school grounds to a beach like 45 minutes away from school and starting a campfire to roast marshmallows. When we both first got here in September, I actually didn't like her much at all. I found her extremely clingy and I wasn't the only one who did. She actually followed me to the laundry room once and watched me sort socks while she yammered on about something or other and I tried to think of ways to make her go away. In any case, I have since warmed up to her, and she is a great friend. 

However, now that we've become really close she practically treats me like the boyfriend she doesn't have. She comes to my room or texts me at least three times a day, she wants to make plans together every Saturday night, and she expects me to go to dinner with her every. Single Night. OF THE WEEK! Unfortunately, she's not in my grade so we don't have the same social circles. So when I hang out/ eat with her, I don't get to see my other friends too. Lately it seems like I never get to see my other friends, because this girl is always there, wanting to hang out every single day, at least twice a day (I kid you not). 

I just don't know how to tell her that's she's smothering me and that I Think We Should Start Seeing Other People. I know, I know, I could just say that. But she would take it seriously. She probably would try to avoid me for the next year for fear that I would de-friend her. Any friendship experts who could give me some tips (I've never been very good at social things...) Thanks


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## this is my username (Apr 15, 2011)

dump her.
No, but no matter what you do, you are going to hurt her feelings. Wish I could help more.


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## HandiAce (Nov 27, 2009)

You will hurt her feelings and she likely may try to make you feel bad for not letting her cling to you more. Just give her a hint that you're independent. If she doesn't like that, it's her problem. Hopefully she'll get the picture.


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## Ayia (Feb 27, 2012)

try bringing her along when you hang out with your other friends


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Just be honest. Tell her you need some breathing room  If she's a good friend, she'll understand.


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## Stepford Smiler (Apr 20, 2012)

Maybe she just doesn't have any other friend. Just introduce her to your other friends. If you hang out with her, then invite at least one friend to accompany you. Make sure your clingy friend and your other friends get along well.

Try to deny her invite to hang out several times and say " How if you go together with ...*your other friends name*. I'm sure she will be happy. I'm really busy and can't go with you these days. "

Try to make distance, but keep your relation with her as friend. For example, after several times she only hang out with her friend, you can accompany her to go somewhere or chat with her together with her friends :wink:


Or maybe, get her a boyfriend. You be the matchmaker. :tongue:

Excuse my bad English.


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## chittychitty LightNING (Apr 9, 2012)

Problem : Clingy friends

I've developed a method for dealing with clingy people. First, a few things you need to know about "clingys":
-They respond mostly to warm body temperatures. 
-If their target is sighted, you will be reeled in with little in the way of escaping.

Now how does one deal with a clingy? Purchase, or steal a mannequin, and perform the following modifications on it: 
1) Fashion and dress it to your likeness as accurately as you can manage. 
2) Use a tape recorder and record a few of your own stock phrases. Tape it to the lower-back of the mannequin. 
3) Before use, set the mannequin near a heat source, such as a campfire, for 15-20 minutes (or until hot).
Allow the clingy to set his/her trap and lure you in. Having the mannequin heated and prepared, meet your clingy friend. When friend goes to the restroom, take your warm mannequin that resembles you and seat it where you were sitting. At this point, it is safe to leave. 
Don't worry, the warmness of the dummy, and the few stock phrases on the recorder will keep the clingy content for up to 4 hours. When mannequin goes cold, and the batteries in tape recorder die, the clingy may assume you are dead and proceed to check dummy's pulse. If done right, there will be no pulse and you will be dead in clingy's mind.

You should never hear of this clingy again.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Boundaries. Don't be afraid to simply not answer when she calls, not respond when she txts, or to just tell her 'no!'
Because the more you give in and just give her what she wants, the more she thinks she can advance on you, using you up. If you set up some boundaries then she knows that she can't keep on moving forward and monopolizing all your time/energy.

If she starts stressing you out too bad that its affecting your mood a lot, then cut and run. Google "energy vampire."


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Just be honest, not worth stressing yourself out over a situation that's just not natural or comfortable for you, and if she can't take it - in that she doesn't make any attempt to make things work, or come back after a period of distance then I don't think it's worth it, like Promethea says, don't be afraid to act in the way natural to you; train her in the ways of you.

Perhaps if she is hurt away it might take some reassurance from your part for her to come back - 'Just because I'm not very outgoing or extraverted doesn't mean I don't want to see you. I want to see you' Initiate something on occasion, determinedly try to hang out with her on occasion. Perhaps explain that you are an introvert. If she returns to her old ways, just be honest again.

However she may require more contact time to stay gelled with you. Whether she does or not, I think being honest is the best thing - even in a subtle way; subtlety might be best, you're probably the best judge of what will be effective with her.


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