# Some problems in my life



## Nabla (9 mo ago)

Perhaps there is no solution to this problem. Or perhaps this might be a permanent problem or situation that hangs over my life.

I'm 26 this year and sometimes I wonder how on Earth did I get to this point in my life. Perhaps it all started when my mother and father divorced when I was 12. This lack of support and guidance somehow drag my life into a downward spiral. It's hard to come back to the surface and understand what normality ever feels like again. Right now I couldn't concentrate on something that I ought to do. There are times that the blues just hit and again I could not find a way to shake it off.

So my life has stopped when I was 12. It is as if time has frozen and my memories showed me a sharp distinction before and after that period of life. I just couldn't explain the state of changes.

Sometimes I feel like I have to live with a part of me that is never going to feel happy.

I'm looking for some uplifting books to read and hoping it will cleanse some of this darkness out from me. (please recommend)

I prefer something more organic like a literature book or a diary, rather than something too scientific like a workbook on how to use CBT on depression. Thanks a lot.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Nabla said:


> Perhaps there is no solution to this problem. Or perhaps this might be a permanent problem or situation that hangs over my life.
> 
> I'm 26 this year and sometimes I wonder how on Earth did I get to this point in my life. Perhaps it all started when my mother and father divorced when I was 12. This lack of support and guidance somehow drag my life into a downward spiral. It's hard to come back to the surface and understand what normality ever feels like again. Right now I couldn't concentrate on something that I ought to do. There are times that the blues just hit and again I could not find a way to shake it off.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you're not living in your ego. See "my life has stopped when I was 12".

So you live a different persona from that on.

Do not give up. Please. There is solution for your problem.


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## Nabla (9 mo ago)

jetser said:


> Sounds like you're not living in your ego. See "my life has stopped when I was 12".
> 
> So you live a different persona from that on.
> 
> Do not give up. Please. There is solution for your problem.


Yes, that is very correct. I've always known I like science and math, but after my mother and father's divorce, I made myself took a lot of humanities courses. I regret wasting so much time on those. I'm 26 and I'm in my 3rd year of uni, trying to slowly take some courses back to math and hopefully pursue a career in programming eventually. Everytime I thought about this I lamented about all the time I've wasted and the opportunities that was lost. 

I would never become a scientist or anywhere close. I would've become a team lead in tech if I were to follow my own path. Most of my self-hate and lamentation comes from this wide gap between what is and what could have been. It's really a joke on me when I think about it.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Nabla said:


> Yes, that is very correct. I've always known I like science and math, but after my mother and father's divorce, I made myself took a lot of humanities courses. I regret wasting so much time on those. I'm 26 and I'm in my 3rd year of uni, trying to slowly take some courses back to math and hopefully pursue a career in programming eventually. Everytime I thought about this I lamented about all the time I've wasted and the opportunities that was lost.
> 
> I would never become a scientist or anywhere close. I would've become a team lead in tech if I were to follow my own path. Most of my self-hate and lamentation comes from this wide gap between what is and what could have been. It's really a joke on me when I think about it.


You know what. What if I tell you, I was almost 30 when I registered to this site, and now I'm the guy who tries to give advice to your problem.

You figure it out pal. You made it your way through here.

You're in the right place. Just look around you. We're all like you okay?


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## Iced_Mocha (11 mo ago)

Nabla said:


> Perhaps there is no solution to this problem. Or perhaps this might be a permanent problem or situation that hangs over my life.
> 
> I'm 26 this year and sometimes I wonder how on Earth did I get to this point in my life. Perhaps it all started when my mother and father divorced when I was 12. This lack of support and guidance somehow drag my life into a downward spiral. It's hard to come back to the surface and understand what normality ever feels like again. Right now I couldn't concentrate on something that I ought to do. There are times that the blues just hit and again I could not find a way to shake it off.
> 
> ...


Anything can happen, to be honest. I don't know what to recommend, so I would say to Google search uplifting books until you find one that piques your interest. Sorry if that wasn't helpful, as I'm not generally a fan of reading. There are some books out there that will help you change your mindset, but they won't exactly take away the feeling.

Have you tried to see a therapist?

There's a way you can triumph over this somehow. There is always hope. I know it sounds cheesy, but it can help. A positive mindset is the key to overcoming this.


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## Nabla (9 mo ago)

Iced_Mocha said:


> Anything can happen, to be honest. I don't know what to recommend, so I would say to Google search uplifting books until you find one that piques your interest. Sorry if that wasn't helpful, as I'm not generally a fan of reading. There are some books out there that will help you change your mindset, but they won't exactly take away the feeling.
> 
> Have you tried to see a therapist?
> 
> There's a way you can triumph over this somehow. There is always hope. I know it sounds cheesy, but it can help. A positive mindset is the key to overcoming this.


I've seen a therapist before and I didn't think it help. Anyways, on a positive note, I went out jogging and listened to a science podcast today. These are the stuff I do to make up for my past right now. It did make me feel better.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

I dont like self help books,

this book isn’t like that…but it’s very upbeat don’t have to read in order, I like that

but it’s not everyone style,( very hippie-ish, and scatter) its a very big book, too ( so I couldn’t get the whole page on),…im not much of a comedy person but I like this.

i took a few pictures to show what the book is like and you can decide, if its of your liking









this is the first page, introduction









they have these pages thru out the book










also these thru the book, fun to read









random poems or things to ponder about, all thru the book



































and some of my favorite, which is encourage to make up your own….


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## UpClosePersonal (Apr 18, 2014)

Nabla said:


> Perhaps there is no solution to this problem. Or perhaps this might be a permanent problem or situation that hangs over my life.
> 
> I'm 26 this year and sometimes I wonder how on Earth did I get to this point in my life. Perhaps it all started when my mother and father divorced when I was 12. This lack of support and guidance somehow drag my life into a downward spiral. It's hard to come back to the surface and understand what normality ever feels like again. Right now I couldn't concentrate on something that I ought to do. There are times that the blues just hit and again I could not find a way to shake it off.
> 
> ...


The one book I found to finally help me see my way out of years of the sadness that hung over me after my mother died (when I was 11) was:

Feeling Good by David D Burns

Self help books are important because they sow the seeds of a healthy way of thinking that bloom and eventually show you a way out of your negative thought processes. Maybe not right away but have faith that they are the healthier thoughts that can eventually replace the ones that can only lead to sadness.

Support groups are really the best. They help you realize that you're not alone, that there are so many other people in the same situation who do understand what you're going through. In fact, I finally let go of my grief when I sat in on a support group of people who lost a parent and one person in particular put into words everything I had been feeling and thinking all my life. I realized that I could let it go.

It's important to find your own independent sense of self worth that replaces the sense of self worth that is dependent upon the approval of your parents. 

All people must find this out but for those who lose the core family unit, there's a victim mentality that must be overcome in order to proceed and grow beyond what we perceive as a tremendous burden that holds us back.

We see where others have an unshakable sense that they are wonderful because there are people (family) feeding this illusion long enough for them to find their self confidence and independence. 

You can find this sense of self too. You find it when you see others reflect back to you your worth. Jobs, relationships, personally rewarding experiences will all reinforce the idea (over time) that you have worth and that will lift you out of your grief as you realize that you will be okay.

It takes a lifetime to find out who you are and others in your life will be important to the process.


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