# Do you hate it when people don't call you back or message you back??



## thegirlcandance

Ok, so this has always been a consistent struggle in my relationships and I wonder if it is just me or if other NF types have dealt with this -- I HATE it when people don't call me or text me back, especially if its a closer friend or I'm in a relationship with that person. I've had friends or guys that I was seeing that I'd call sometime in the afternoon and then when the evening came around and they've never called me back I become upset and anxious. One of the big struggles with my last ex was that I'd call him early in the evening to chat, but then he'd fall asleep all the time without calling me or bothering to send a text to say "hey I'm too tired to chat, so goodnight" or whatever. He always thought I was overreacting and just being "unstable"... as have other people have.
However, I usually feel like that during this moments (many times, but not always) that the person is just really wanting to pull away from me.. like my last ex for instance. He never seemed to want to talk to me during the week and I really felt like it was a change in his feelings for me, thought he wouldn't admit to it until the day he'd dump me when he'd say something like "I don't want to come see you because it feels like a chore".

Sorry got a bit off topic and gave more info than I needed to... but do you have a problem with people not calling you back? I can understand being busy and all, but after so many hours of the day or days its like... ok, come on.


----------



## The Chronic Liar

Uhhh YES. I absolutely 100% HATE IT when you send them a message via online chat, and they just don't respond. It's so aggravating. You're waiting there for at least 30 whole frikin' minutes, waiting. Then when you complain to them they get all pissy at you and ignore you, therefore making the situation worse. I'm always telling them: "Well I'm sorry I don't have a life and am constantly awaiting other peoples messages like this '@[email protected]' "


----------



## calysco

<tense> YES- i hate that. </tense>

as a courtesy, i always reply back no matter what just to let the other person know that i've received their message (even if i dont care about what they've typed to me) and it makes me angry whenever someone deliberately doesnt respond back more than twice (that's my limit). it makes me think that they're being rude unless they've specified beforehand that they would rather save money than sending texts. 

on one hand , it is unfair to judge people based on whether or not they respond back, but i think that everyone should know by now that replying back is common courtesy.


----------



## thegirlcandance

calysco said:


> <tense> YES- i hate that. </tense>
> 
> as a courtesy, i always reply back no matter what just to let the other person know that i've received their message (even if i dont care about what they've typed to me) and it makes me angry whenever someone deliberately doesnt respond back more than twice (that's my limit). it makes me think that they're being rude unless they've specified beforehand that they would rather save money than sending texts.
> 
> on one hand , it is unfair to judge people based on whether or not they respond back, but i think that everyone should know by now that replying back is common courtesy.


Yeah, even if someone calls me and I can't talk at the moment I'll still send a text saying "sorry at ______ can't talk right now" or whatever. Its courteous and it lets the other person know that you're not just blowing them off or whatever.

I always find it funny too that when you initially call or message, they won't respond back but then the split second that you say something like "Well I guess you're too busy to talk to me" or whatever they IMMEDIATELY respond to say hey I am busy and I don't sit by my phone all the time to respond to people when I am busy. Hmm... something doesn't make sense to me here because initially you didn't respond, yet the second I give a somewhat-upset/frustrated message then you respond immediately, so you must not REALLY be that busy... Hmm??


----------



## OmarFW

if a person doesn't want to talk to me then i don't care. whatever reason they don't respond for i don't really care.

I've had to deal with people not being contactable the day i made plans with them or just disappearing mid conversation too many times to care anymore.


----------



## marked174

thegirlcandance said:


> Yeah, even if someone calls me and I can't talk at the moment I'll still send a text saying "sorry at ______ can't talk right now" or whatever. Its courteous and it lets the other person know that you're not just blowing them off or whatever.
> 
> I always find it funny too that when you initially call or message, they won't respond back but then the split second that you say something like "Well I guess you're too busy to talk to me" or whatever they IMMEDIATELY respond to say hey I am busy and I don't sit by my phone all the time to respond to people when I am busy. Hmm... something doesn't make sense to me here because initially you didn't respond, yet the second I give a somewhat-upset/frustrated message then you respond immediately, so you must not REALLY be that busy... Hmm??


 The worst part is that when you pipe up about it, they act as if *you* are the one with the problem!


----------



## calysco

marked174 said:


> The worst part is that when you pipe up about it, they act as if *you* are the one with the problem!


even worse is when they're trying to contact you and for some reason you really are too busy to answer, they get all pissed off and irritated at you. i mean, come on! *seething rage*


----------



## marked174

calysco said:


> even worse is when they're trying to contact you and for some reason you really are too busy to answer, they get all pissed off and irritated at you. i mean, come on! *seething rage*


 Consistency is key in regards to this situation. Everybody gets called when they're busy every once in a while.


----------



## calysco

marked174 said:


> Consistency is key in regards to this situation. Everybody gets called when they're busy every once in a while.


yeah- i know that they're used to me always picking up the phone, but it's rather unfair that they dont give me leeway when i dont. rather than thinking, "oh, it's probably because she's busy," they're more like, "WHERE WERE YOU? OMG. WHY DIDNT YOU PICK UP YOUR PHONE." 

after a couple months of this, i finally decided to cut them loose. shouldve done so earlier. wouldve retained a little more of my sanity.


----------



## thegirlcandance

calysco said:


> even worse is when they're trying to contact you and for some reason you really are too busy to answer, they get all pissed off and irritated at you. i mean, come on! *seething rage*


Oddly enough, I haven't had that happen... yet.


----------



## Bella

I guess for me- it would depend on the relationship.

If it's with friends? The ones married with kids? I can understand. If I'm completely ignored, then that's a WHOLE nother story.

If it's with a close friend and I don't get a call back the same day or a text? I get a bit irritated, but understand if they have a bf and other things going on in their lives.

If it's with a bf? I consistently get calls back, texts, and see them almost everyday. I've dated ENTP, ENFP, INFJ, INTJ, SJ's whatever, you name it- When we're in an exclusive relationship- they call. Not only that, but they go above and beyond. Should I ever get a response of "You're over-reacting bc this and that" yada yada? Out the door. I'm pretty lucky in that regard, because I don't tolerate with that. When I first get to know a guy, I take it slow to see if I can truly rely on him or not. 

Maybe if another guy says that? Dump him a.s.a.p. Most guys, when they care, the very _least_ they will do is call. This goes for women too. Doesn't matter their type or personality either. It's about 'quality,' respect we give to one another.


----------



## heartturnedtoporcelain

*slowly raises hand* Umm, hi. I'm one of those frustrating people.

I mostly can't excuse my behaviour but I can say that I get a lot of social anxiety and so it makes me act somewhat irrationally towards other people. Sometimes I get a message asking me to go out and I pretend I didn't get it so as to not hurt their feelings when I just want to stay home and be all introverted. This is very frustrating for my extrovert friends in particular and I know I'm being a shitty friend.:frustrating:


----------



## marked174

heartturnedtoporcelain said:


> *slowly raises hand* Umm, hi. I'm one of those frustrating people.
> 
> I mostly can't excuse my behaviour but I can say that I get a lot of social anxiety and so it makes me act somewhat irrationally towards other people. Sometimes I get a message asking me to go out and I pretend I didn't get it so as to not hurt their feelings when I just want to stay home and be all introverted. This is very frustrating for my extrovert friends in particular and I know I'm being a shitty friend.:frustrating:


 Honesty is a friendship's best friend!:happy:


----------



## heartturnedtoporcelain

marked174 said:


> Honesty is a friendship's best friend!:happy:


Things have been better recently - my friends understand my problems better and now that I'm out of university, I have less of a social life:tongue:


----------



## Atenza Coltheart

I happen to agree with that fully. It frustrates me .-.


----------



## hustina

>w<; Sometimes, I'm one of those people... 

But then I have to consider my phone bill, so I don't usually reply back to txt or call, only when super important.


----------



## Slider

Yes, it pisses me off. It takes a few seconds to send a text message.

However, the reason for the delay is often excusable. You'd think that'd make me feel better, but it doesn't.

I think some of us, like myself, need to have the ability to contact whomever we please and be able to reach them without any complications.

I've often found that, if I don't receive a response, I become more and more obsessed with contacting the person. It's a terrible, helpless feeling and primarily why I try not to initiate conversations.


----------



## WickedQueen

I do this all the time. It's very effective to shut down unnecessary text or call.


----------



## OmarFW

WickedQueen said:


> I do this all the time. It's very effective to shut down unnecessary text or call.


to be honest, this is one of the reasons why I theorize that my T side comes out when I eat sugar and have a hypoglycemic episode (aka male pms)

even if im not feeling pissy from it, i just can't be bothered to care about something when my friend texts me wanting to talk about something feelings related. so i just ignore it.


----------



## pajamiez

So much! I feel horrible when people do not reply and I'm afraid they are annoyed by me or think less of me.


----------



## Mirlong

I don't necessarily hate it when people don't call or message me back but I definitely over analyze it.


----------



## pinkrasputin

I hardly notice it and I am guilty of it myself.


----------



## Nasmoe

No. Just makes me feel better when I do the same thing.


----------



## Kalifornia310

I think this is a Major NF struggle, most NFs want to be needed/wanted/loved/attention. 

when im ignored, its like i dont exist. its like i have no purpose. thats how intense it can get.

even on here, i hate to be ignored, so i try to not offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable, thats why i changed my Avatar, even though it made me laugh.


----------



## Blueguardian

This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves! I absolutely hate it. It drives me nuts. Unless I have prior reason to think they will be a while before responding (like a busy schedule, or they typically take X amount of time to reply in general)... I really get annoyed. This is particularly the case when I ask someone a question. The reason I get so annoyed with it is that, I wonder why they haven't replied. Did I say something to upset them? Am I talking too much? Was it a dumb question? Do they hate me? Am I being annoying? Did I cross some sort of boundary line? ... stuff like that. I really feel as if it is my fault. I also tend (not always) to not say anything else to the person... till I get some sort of response. They really could be busy, didn't reply because of a lack of an answer, or maybe even forgot... but those tend to be low on the list when I am anxious.

I really do try to get over this, but it isn't easy. My imagination becomes my own enemy in these situations.

I hate texting on phones for this very reason. Not replying is so much more common in my exp, than if you were chatting on the phone... or even if you are typing on MSN!


----------



## PoppyPeedOnMySofa

I don't expect a lot out of people so I set my standards pretty low. I just don't believe people when they say "I'll call you back in so and so". That way I can be surprised when they actually do.


----------



## hood

Yea that usually gets me. Especially when you make plans with someone and try and contact them and their no where to be found. Then the next time you talk to them they act like nothing happened and I begin to question was I just making a big deal out of nothing, did I do something wrong, is this person fake, on and on. Then I get scared to bring it up because I think they're going to think that I'm a pest or something.


----------



## curious0610

Oh yeah. BIG time.

Another thing I dislike is the opposite -- when someone continuously calls/messages, without giving me the chance to call back or text them to explain I'll get back to them later. (For example, calling in <1 minute intervals.... and then getting upset when I didn't pick up the first 5 times in the last 3 minutes. Seriously?)


----------



## ponyjoyride

I sometimes forget to call or text back. I know some people find it very frustrating. It's not because I hate the person and want to cause pain. I just don't think it's important to do it right away especially if I don't feel like being social and I'll think "I'll do it later" and then days pass by and after weeks it seems just stupid to answer and say "yeah, I got your message..."


----------



## summersoccer14

Yes! this literally does drive me crazyy too.. Like with my friends or something.. if i'm going somewhere and i know i wont even have my phone for example with me.. i will tell them before hand so i dont make them feel bad that they answer..
but course they never do the same for me.. i mean just simple.. yo.. i'm busy i'll txt you when blah blah.. you know?

yes it makes me feel blah..but i understand usually afterwards..and i never really get mad at them and understandable.. but just siigh ya.. i getcha..


----------



## bluemaverick

Not really...it doesn't bother me.
Then again, I hate taking phone calls. I'm always wishing I could go Happy Gilmore on my cell phone.


----------



## Musician6120

Yes, I find it quite frustrating and I agree with many of the post-ers here. When it happens, the anxiety can run higher than normal. I will go through my memory trying to think of anything I did or said that would have upset them and made them not call. I do/did this with those whom I consider(ed) friends. Here are 2 examples. I called a friend 3 times early this year over the course of about 2 months. When I finally got in touch with this friend and mentioned the previous calls, the response I got was, "I thought you only called twice." I never called back after that conversation. The other example is kind of funny. The aforementioned friend's cousin was bugging me to spend time with him last year. He didn't return a call or something, I don't remember, but I apparently said something to him. He got annoyed and griped about me to his cousin. Weeks later, I must have done the same to him, and he got mad about that and complained about me again. Soooo, for some, it's okay to do that to others, just don't do it to them. :crazy:


----------



## Alima

I hate it when people forget to call back. The only time I ever call someone is when I have something important to tell them. I never call just to talk, gossip, or whatever. So when I call you, and when I leave a message it means I need you to call back asap.


----------



## ThirdArcade

OmarFW said:


> if a person doesn't want to talk to me then i don't care. whatever reason they don't respond for i don't really care.
> 
> I've had to deal with people not being contactable the day i made plans with them or just disappearing mid conversation too many times to care anymore.


My goodness that is a classic INFP answer! My sister is an INFP and she says the exact same thing.

It's hard to even to get her to respond to any text messages or e-mails. She usually reads it, puts her phone down, laughs and then goes back to zoning out. I actually told to respond to my e-mails when I was overseas so I know that she at least got it. Then she would respond to my lengthy e-mails with "yes got it". Ah, the INFP how I love them and their quirks.

I on the other hand can't stand not getting a reply within 24-HRS of send a text, or 2 days within sending an e-mail. Just a simple acknowledgement will do


----------



## ThirdArcade

bluemaverick said:


> Not really...it doesn't bother me.
> Then again, I hate taking phone calls. I'm always wishing I could go Happy Gilmore on my cell phone.


My INFP sister is the same. She abhors talking on the phone and really dislikes long calls. She prefers instead to meet in person for coffee/lunch.


----------



## periculosa

thegirlcandance said:


> Ok, so this has always been a consistent struggle in my relationships and I wonder if it is just me or if other NF types have dealt with this -- I HATE it when people don't call me or text me back, especially if its a closer friend or I'm in a relationship with that person. I've had friends or guys that I was seeing that I'd call sometime in the afternoon and then when the evening came around and they've never called me back I become upset and anxious. One of the big struggles with my last ex was that I'd call him early in the evening to chat, but then he'd fall asleep all the time without calling me or bothering to send a text to say "hey I'm too tired to chat, so goodnight" or whatever. He always thought I was overreacting and just being "unstable"... as have other people have.
> However, I usually feel like that during this moments (many times, but not always) that the person is just really wanting to pull away from me.. like my last ex for instance. He never seemed to want to talk to me during the week and I really felt like it was a change in his feelings for me, thought he wouldn't admit to it until the day he'd dump me when he'd say something like "I don't want to come see you because it feels like a chore".
> 
> Sorry got a bit off topic and gave more info than I needed to... but do you have a problem with people not calling you back? I can understand being busy and all, but after so many hours of the day or days its like... ok, come on.


I feel your pain. I would extend this complaint to email also. I had a wonderful correspondence going with a person whom I believed to be a very good friend. I wrote him three letters in the last month and a half...no answer whatsoever. Not even "I'm too busy to give you an extended answer." I know he's not dead or without internet access because I see his username on the active board of the blog I frequent (not PersonalityCafe BTW). If he doesn't want to bother anymore or believes me to be a burden, why doesn't he come out and say so? He doesn't have five minutes at work to give me some explanation or an apology? This was a friend I had been writing for a year...

I won't even go into the phone call thing. I had another "friend" who abruptly stopped returning my phone calls, so I stopped bothering him also. Then after a six month absence he dropped me an email making a request...without explaining why he stopped returning phone calls or emails. I wrote him saying "We Have To Talk," which in my mind is femalespeak for "You Are In Trouble, You Worthless Male." And I didn't bother to write or call again, because I am tired of being treated like this, and besides, I found out from a third party the real reason he dropped off my map. I won't say why, except that the reason makes me not want to speak to him again.


----------



## Kalifornia310

I feel like im currently being ignored by an individual that i feel likes to toy with my emotions a bit, it hurts alot. I try to be attentive and not allow him to ever feel that way, but sometimes, ill purposefully do it, just so i dont seem like im some swooned guy falling in love, 

the best thing ive realiazd in dealing with this is to pre-occuppy your mind. do something... go out... have some fun.. talk with friends... read... find another passion other then people. lol... 

and like all people, i seem to know WHAT to do, yet i cant do it myself!!! GRRRRRRRR


----------



## periculosa

Okay, the last thing I wrote so sounded like venting. I've shed so many tears about the friend who abruptly stopped writing. It's probably a good thing that I'm angry, no? Someone please say yes...


----------



## Kalifornia310

periculosa said:


> Okay, the last thing I wrote so sounded like venting. I've shed so many tears about the friend who abruptly stopped writing. It's probably a good thing that I'm angry, no? Someone please say yes...


Id be PISSED! then id bring some ENFJ carnage to the ball game... >


----------



## HeadInClouds84

Yes, this irritates me. If I send a text and I don't get a reply within like 30 minutes I usually think to myself "Well fine, fuck you asshole".


----------



## dntknwy

yes its depressing nd disturbing wen ppl dnt respond ( its only abt ppl whm i consider imp in life...rest dnt matter infact i never contact others unless its abt sum wrk.......:wink: i knw its selfish but den dis is wat i m)

BUT wen it cums to sumone special it drives me crazy dat y he is nt responding...:angry: but with time i hv learnt nt to shw it infact nw i pretend it doesnt bother me nymore if u r nt responding but deep down inside i hate it as much as i used to initially.

The reason fr nt showing it is dat 
1. this has taken me to such a cndition dat i actually started thinking of breaking off wid him but den i started focusing on other things.
2. may be the other person will never understand hw actually i feel abt it bcoz it might be dat we lie in diff thought zones as far as this issue is concerned
3. I m tired of telling this dat i dnt like it nd had a lot of fight abt it nd den finally given up........as nobody actually bothers 
4. i dnt want to annoy the other one wid d same thing again nd again...........obviously ppl ( other dan me) hv lot more other imp issues to deal with 

GOD knws hw actually i shud take it but yes no matter hw hard i try i just cnt ignore it althoguh i pretend to..................


----------



## talemin

/intruder NT mode on

I (almost) never message back and never wait for a back message...my sms / mails seldom are of the 'question' types.

But yes, I was told it's not a nice thing to (not) do, so sometimes - if I remember - I force myself to waste an 'ok' message on a sentence/greeting which requests for no answer or an obvious one...

Browsing this topic, I just decided to remember more often to do so XD


----------



## The Exception

I realize people are busy so I cut them a little slack when awaiting for their reply. However, to not get a reply at all or a really late reply is inconsiderate. If you're too busy to come up with a well-thought out reply, why not be honest and say so? Say something like "I have a lot going on right now but I didn't forget your message and I'll address it more thoroughly when I have the time". At least then you can be relieved knowing the other person hasn't totally forgotten about you.


----------



## INFPPP

Yes, because I always assume the worst!


----------



## prufrok

Yeah, I've tried to get a thicker skin about these things, but with little success. People just seem so emotionally distant. They freak out if you want to have a genuine conversation, and they think you're desperate or pushy or clingy if you enjoy dailyish communication. 

All my life I've watched sitcoms (guilty pleasure) and wished I could live like that--I've always wanted to have just a couple of people with whom I was close, who I spoke with or got together with regularly. Is it so strange to want intimacy with one's friends?


----------



## ertertwert

Exactly. I hate trying to talk to people who never seem interested. I can only keep this up so long before I give up entirely.


----------



## Skios

This is a big pet peeve of mine as well. I actually had a friend deliberately ignore my messages and didn't tell me why she was doing it until a week or two later. I'll understand if someone's upset with me about something, but ignoring me with telling me why doesn't really help resolve anything. I'd rather know what the problem is so that it can be worked out.


----------



## UniqueFinallyAmongPeers

Let's just say that it annoys me generally when people don't call/write/text me back.

Also, I've had bad experiences with people that gradually stop communicating back. I don't deal with separation that well, you'll have to be very forthright if you want to kick me out, otherwise I _will_ try to amend things for a long time. Problem with that is that most people that I've lost just stopped responding altogether. Even when I flatly wrote and asked if we had just given up and should go our own ways, I got no response. Irritating.

Also prone to this Hollywood-romanticized behavior that if I wait long enough and give her/him enough time, she/he'll come around. Apparently, that isn't as normal as the movies tells us:dry:

For your reference, I waited little over a year once.

But yeah, people that doesn't call me back annoys me. People that forget to call me when there has been a change of plans also annoys me, mostly because I depend on a 40 minute bus-ride to get into town and then take another buss/walk from there. A buss that average 80 minutes between one departure and the next.


----------



## Pelao

"Don't you just hate it when someone complains how you don't text them back even though you might be busy?"

Seriously though, if someone I care about doesn't respond, what do I care? I'm not going to let a break in communications disrupt my feelings or attitude for the day. If someone I DON'T care about doesn't respond, well, I DON'T care.

Friendships and relationships are built on trust, and not on expectations of dropping everything for another person. Yes, it is a nice gesture to call back right away. But I would rather have my friends call back a week later and say "sorry I had lots of school work" because to me it shows that they have priorities that lie beyond the realm of external expectations. Any loving relationship would be founded on an understanding that each individual has things important to his or her life that may be just as equally (or even more) important as the other person.
/idealism


----------



## Dylio

I'm always the one who doesnt message back. Personally i dont think you should get caught up in someone not getting back to you in the form of a non-direct communication. I enjoy being face to face and have no patience for upholding messaging conversations.


----------



## skawdebeast

Yes and No. If it's my best friend or family, I'm chill about it because I know that they'll get back to me. It may not be on the same day but I can always depend on them to get back to me eventually. If it was truly important I'd let them know or call them again. 

I hate what I become when a crush doesn't reply back. I get absolutely paranoid, I become insecure and anxious by checking my phone or chat box every 5 minutes. Eventually I get annoyed and irritated, and start planning my "revenge." Uggh...

However, I'm guilty and even notorious for not calling or messaging people back in a timely fashion. That's my family's biggest pet peeve about me--it's that I don't answer my phone. This is definitely not something I do on purpose. Sometimes I misplace my phone or put it on silent, I'm not the type of person that has the phone attached to my ear 24/7.

If I do it with intention (which is rare) it's because I find it much easier to ignore that text or phone call than create an explanation. If I happen to ignore your text/calls for a long period of time, it's because talking to you mentally exhausts me and I need to take a break. Passive, I know. But I'm working on it.


----------



## Nienna

Yes! 1000x yes. It's something that gets me really frustrated. But since almost everyone I know does this, I just made up my mind to accept it as normal behavior, yet deep down I still think it's a very inconsiderate thing to do.

But to be honest, I'm guilty of doing this here, as well. >_< It's because I just don't know what to say and/or I got so long to answer that I'd feel awkward doing so. I hope no one has ever got offended by this, though.


----------



## Wendixy

It's not just you guys lol. 
I hate it too, but now I just brush it off. I reply to every single message I get, even if I dislike that person. Whenever someone tells me he/she will call me back, I'll take it as "I'll never call you back." ...... and I'm right. I rarely text anyone now, and I'm not getting any messages until someone needs me for something. Blah


----------



## Vaan

Yeah I usually hate ending conversations unless both parties know it is going to end XD


----------



## The King Of Dreams

Vaan said:


> Yeah I usually hate ending conversations unless both parties know it is going to end XD


Same here..


----------



## Dalien

On here, no, I don't mind if someone doesn't message me back right away. How can I? I do that myself at times. Coming from me, it doesn't mean I'm ignoring another. It just means I got lost in my mind and/or flat out busy away from here. Sometimes, I just don't know how to respond, depending on the conversation. I do respond, though. If someone doesn't respond to me, I wait a while and then send another message.


----------



## Man_With_No_Name

No, they simply don't exist to me anymore.


----------



## mehhbahh

Yes, I really really really REALLY hate this. I mean how hard is it to reply to a text or something, seriously, you get your phone out and check the msg, if you're busy then text that! "am busy will reply later " not that hard. I've had enough of it, I just tried talking to 3 different people, one was text on phone and others were Facebook msgs and none replied, they just stopped talking, no nothing, wtf is with people? But like you all say, if I was to say something and snap, then I'd be the one with the problem, not them, so messed up. 

So maybe if someone doesn't respond then stuff it, that's their choice and I will never, ever talk to them again. If they can't be bothered to answer me, even a simple hello, then maybe they shouldn't be in our lives. F**k em.


----------



## vanilla_dream

The Chronic Liar said:


> Uhhh YES. I absolutely 100% HATE IT when you send them a message via online chat, and they just don't respond. It's so aggravating. You're waiting there for at least 30 whole frikin' minutes, waiting. Then when you complain to them they get all pissy at you and ignore you, therefore making the situation worse. I'm always telling them: "Well I'm sorry I don't have a life and am constantly awaiting other peoples messages like this '@[email protected]' "


ditto! yet I have learned over time not to take things too personally (in spite of this, I do admit I have failed on this several times). but i try to frequently remind myself that it's not always about me.


----------



## ladyhaha

In a relationship, I don't think anything makes me quite as insecure as when I don't get texted back. It's not like I'm thinking about all the possible scenarios of "things" he's doing instead... I just feel a little ignored as a person. If it causes that much anxiety, I probably shouldn't text anymore haha


----------



## monemi

Hate it? That's a bit extreme. Dislike? Depends on the situation. If I were looking at a new romantic interest and they pull this, I conclude they aren't particularly interested in me and don't pursue anything further. Maybe they were busy, maybe they weren't. I just couldn't be bothered trying to figure it out where I stand with them. Same with looking to hire someone. I expect prompt responses from companies and individuals in the business world. It shows professionalism. If it's an important communication, hell yeah I'm annoyed if they don't keep in contact! If we're talking a lot of money or someone is sick or something important and directly involves me, I expect to be kept in the loop. Otherwise, socially it's really not a big deal. They'll get to it when they get to it. I've always had more than enough to keep me occupied in the meanwhile.


----------



## Kysinor

Yes I do hate that. If somebody that I try to keep in touch with don't want to keep touch with me back I begin to be a little suspicious... unless the person has good reasons (legitimate that is, not rationalizations)


----------



## IQ362430

I don't like it either but we do have to be reasonable. People have lives. I suggest asking when they may possibly call, telling them to call as soon as possible because I have something I need to discuss, but only when you desperately need them. True friends usually do call at least until the next day. Sometimes you have to make more friends to talk too. I wish we had this technology when I was growing up. It's fun. You can talk to you internet friends and not go anywhere unless you want too. LOL <Hugs>


----------



## Vic

Ask for nothing, expect less.


----------



## Tynen

Of course, everyone hates it. But this seems to be a HUGE deal for INFJs.. sadly I use it as a punishment for the INFJs in my life...


----------



## Seranova

_The only time when I dislike this is when it is about something important that is time sensitive. Otherwise, it is not a big deal to me because I know that the world does not revolve around me, what I want, and when I expect people to reply to me about non-important stuff. Besides, people have lives. Oftentimes I have found that the people in my life who are easily upset over someone not replying to them right away were needy, clingy, and insecure in the first place. _


----------



## Mils

Uhh, yeah I really hate it. What I hate more is when people don't reply on whatsapp because on whatsapp you can actually see the last time the person was online so you can see if they're ignoring your message. This drives me absolutely insane. I become stalkerish and keep checking the last time the person was online. I'll be like "Ohmygosh, why haven't they messaged me back yet? Do they hate me? Maybe they're still thinking about what to say? Did I do something wrong? Maybe they're busy? Maybe they don't like me? Maybe they're just using me? Maybe they want to talk to someone more interesting? Maybe they lost internet connection? Maybe they lost their phone? Maybe they're fed up of me? Maybe they think i'm stupid?

And i'll be like that till they reply. Next time I'll just ask them lol.


----------



## JustAnotherIdealist

I find this very annoying too! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## JustAnotherIdealist

PinkFluffyIceCreamBunny said:


> Uhh, yeah I really hate it. What I hate more is when people don't reply on whatsapp because on whatsapp you can actually see the last time the person was online so you can see if they're ignoring your message. This drives me absolutely insane. I become stalkerish and keep checking the last time the person was online. I'll be like "Ohmygosh, why haven't they messaged me back yet? Do they hate me? Maybe they're still thinking about what to say? Did I do something wrong? Maybe they're busy? Maybe they don't like me? Maybe they're just using me? Maybe they want to talk to someone more interesting? Maybe they lost internet connection? Maybe they lost their phone? Maybe they're fed up of me? Maybe they think i'm stupid?
> 
> And i'll be like that till they reply. Next time I'll just ask them lol.


Exactly! Since i communicate mostly by whatsapp, I always face this problem. Most NFs (or at least the ones who replied here) really hate this, but my two close friends (ENFP and ENFJ) always leave me hanging in conversations (especially on whatsapp 😑). Or is this a ENFX thing?




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## cocoamuffin1221

I hate when people don't text me back. I always think they are ignoring me when in reality their phone may be off or not readily available.


----------



## lilimarleen

Yes. It doesn't upset me EVERY time, but in general, I think it's so rude.

If you actually liked me, you would take the small amount of time to call or text or message me back or at least tell me you'll get to it later (and then, you know... actually get to it). :dry: If you consistently drop conversations and can't be bothered to contact me, I feel like I have to assume that you don't actually like me, and that I am wasting my time trying to engage you.

And as for anyone who might stubbornly insist that I'm overreacting or needy - really, though? Is it really so difficult for them to actually talk to me? I think they are making excuses so they don't have to try. I don't like it when people expect me to be the only one who actually TRIES in whatever sort of relationship we have.

OMG sorry for the rant, but I've been through this so many times with people recently. Like I said - this doesn't always make me so angry. I'm very forgiving and understanding and I'll make excuses for someone before they even have a chance. But I guess people have just taken that as a green light to walk all over me. But from here on out, it's no more being a pushover, no more being soooo "nice" and permissive.


----------



## masterchip27

It does bother me when I'm left hanging, but I've learned to emphasize thinking and being logical instead of just feeling needy and hurt or trying to react to it in some way.


----------



## Asid_Reighn

I think it may be unusual for my typing, but I find I always feel disconnected from others around me. So when I never get a response from my shy attempts at communication I get quiet discouraged... I really dislike this, at least say your busy, I mean jeeesh.


----------



## SweetPickles

I used to take it personal, but I am very guilty of this myself. It's not because I don't like the person, it's more I don't feel like socializing at the moment.


----------



## Calpan1832

thegirlcandance said:


> Ok, so this has always been a consistent struggle in my relationships and I wonder if it is just me or if other NF types have dealt with this -- I HATE it when people don't call me or text me back, especially if its a closer friend or I'm in a relationship with that person. I've had friends or guys that I was seeing that I'd call sometime in the afternoon and then when the evening came around and they've never called me back I become upset and anxious. One of the big struggles with my last ex was that I'd call him early in the evening to chat, but then he'd fall asleep all the time without calling me or bothering to send a text to say "hey I'm too tired to chat, so goodnight" or whatever. He always thought I was overreacting and just being "unstable"... as have other people have.
> However, I usually feel like that during this moments (many times, but not always) that the person is just really wanting to pull away from me.. like my last ex for instance. He never seemed to want to talk to me during the week and I really felt like it was a change in his feelings for me, thought he wouldn't admit to it until the day he'd dump me when he'd say something like "I don't want to come see you because it feels like a chore".
> 
> Sorry got a bit off topic and gave more info than I needed to... but do you have a problem with people not calling you back? I can understand being busy and all, but after so many hours of the day or days its like... ok, come on.


I may be one of such Exs because of my habit of not replying back instantly or in a day or in a week. But in all honesty, I was not aware that people has such an affect. All I can say is that I am sorry.


----------



## cinnabun

Yes, I really hate it, it's just so rude. Bitch, I'm taking the time out of _my_ life to message your ungrateful ass, the least _you _could do is reply! It's especially annoying when I ask them if they wanna hang-out and I just get snubbed:dry:. If you don't want to hang-out, just say so. I'm not going to be offended. What will offend me is you straight up ignoring me.

However, if it's regarding people not texting you back _right away_, I'm not bothered by that. I'm guilty of being one of those people who takes ages to reply hehe:tongue:.


----------



## JTHearts

Omg yes, I hate that so much. I have one friend outside of the internet and I'll text her in the evening usually and she doesn't text back until like 1 AM while I'm asleep :/ And it really bothers me when she doesn't text back, it makes me worry that she doesn't like me. I always text back ASAP, but I know a lot of people forget to text back and take a while to respond so I probably shouldn't worry as much as I do.


----------



## ElliCat

I don't mind if friends don't reply straight away, as long as it's not about plans in the immediate future. Like if it's 9am and we're supposed to be meeting in half an hour, and I haven't heard from them since yesterday morning when they told me they'd let me know if they were still in by that evening. THAT drives me crazy. Especially if they then get back to me at 10.30 with a, "oh sorry we slept in lol obviously it's not happening." Yeah, OBVIOUSLY. 

But if it's just casual conversation or arranging something for next week it doesn't bother me because I'm guilty of the same thing. I don't always know what I'm doing that far ahead and I don't always feel like socialising so I figure other people might be the same way - now that my self-esteem is higher I don't automatically assume that they hate me.

When I'm trying to contact someone in a professional situation, though... I get more annoyed. I did eventually get used to companies not acknowledging my job applications, although I find that a bit rude. It's worse when I'm actually trying to get an answer from them, though; surely people are employed to check customers' emails and reply to them? It's not like I'm doing it for fun - often I'm trying to organise something from a different country so just picking up the phone is a very very expensive option, especially with the inevitable "we'll call you back"s or being on hold for half an hour waiting for someone in the call centre to pick up. 

Or maybe I'm just cranky because any job I'd had I've HAD to deal with customers I hated, and these people seem to be able to completely miss my email in the vast spaces of their inbox/forget about my phone calls without any repercussions, haha. I know I can be invisible in real life but I didn't realise it was possible to be invisible online also?


----------



## ai.tran.75

i couldnt care less


----------



## missy12

it annoys me a little sometimes, but if it's not important I let it go. I've kind of accepted that some of my friends just aren't good at answering back to me  So, I don't really get upset, because I kind of expect it.


----------



## xivi_xxii

I don't automatically think they're ignoring me, I figure they've left and forgot to change their chat status or whatever, but it does bother me a lot. Especially when you've messaged them 5 times over a week and you've gotten no reply. Would it sound too weird if I just asked them to say SOMETHING, even if it's 3 days later?
I don't have problems with people not calling me back because I don't like to either.


----------



## Moss Icon

Excuse the old git in me coming out, but time was if you needed to talk to someone immediately, you called them. Texts and e-mails once carried the understanding that "this isn't urgent, so get back to me when you can". But these days it seems people expect others to be plugged in 24/7. My little brother and his girlfriend were like that. She'd get pissy with him for not replying _instantly _to her texts or Facebook messages, as if he had nothing else to do and no one else to spend time with. In that respect, the demand for instant responses really pisses me off. People have their heads in their phones or i-pads all day because there's now this anxiety about being "disconnected" from cyberspace for too long, and this insistence on constant connection to others is part of all that.

All that being said, I am talking specifically about the need for _instant _replies. Not getting replies at all can be... irksome. The only time I've really got super-aggro about it was the summer after I returned home from my study-abroad year. It was a really difficult adjustment - reverse culture-shock and all that, plus now being separated from my overseas "family". My closest friend at that time and I were supposed to be keeping up a regular correspondence, and one Thursday I e-mailed him to say I was having a really hard time and wanted to chat. I didn't hear anything for 4 days, then saw him come online whilst we were on g-chat. He was signed in and didn't even acknowledge me, so I hailed him and laid right into him. In hindsight I can see I over-reacted over something like 4 days. But at the same time, that kinda "outta sight, outta mind" attitude from him became increasingly standard over the subsequent years... 

In the end you can't expect people to always be plugged in. It's not healthy for either of you, and you've gotta remember that when you call them or text them, there are people they may be with in person whom they must now ignore (or at the very least be constantly distracted from) in order to accommodate you. That's not fair. My brother was like that with his GF. We'd be playing game together (at his request), then he'd pick up his phone and start texting after his go and just say "tell me when it's my turn". My dad and I both got really pissed off, telling him if he missed his go, that'd be his own fault for not focusing on what we were doing. We all need to realise that other people can't, and shouldn't, be at our beck and call 24/7. 

But still, there are people who just make little effort to get back to you at all, and I would agree that's not OK. Sometimes we forget (I know I do, which is one reason I _do _try to respond straight away - I know I'll probably forget later if I leave it). But if you're so uninvested as to not even do the other person the courtesy of a reply, perhaps a rethink of your involvement in that friendship/relationship is on order.


----------



## Fynest One

It drives me crazy especially when a SO doesn't reply. I have major anxiety issues when it comes to being ignored. It's one of the worst things you can do to me


----------



## VertigoH

I am that person that 80% of the time forgets to text back for a couple of hours (or more) unless I have nothing better to do than stare at my phone. I'll have my hands full when I feel my phone vibrate, or have my phone in a different room, and won't remember to check it again until I'm in bed at an ungodly hour setting my alarm for the morning. I also hate when people pull out their phones to text in the middle of a conversation or if I'm showing them something. It honestly makes me feel like sh*t when someone does that. If you're not interested in the conversation with the person in front of you, that's fine, just say "gotta go, see you later", but don't half-ass your attention. I just don't see texting as an immediate, urgent form of communication. It's like email to me. If someone needs to get a hold of me more urgently, they should call me.

As such, I'm pretty patient and lenient when waiting for a reply for someone via text.


----------



## Fynest One

VertigoH said:


> I am that person that 80% of the time forgets to text back for a couple of hours (or more) unless I have nothing better to do than stare at my phone. I'll have my hands full when I feel my phone vibrate, or have my phone in a different room, and won't remember to check it again until I'm in bed at an ungodly hour setting my alarm for the morning. I also hate when people pull out their phones to text in the middle of a conversation or if I'm showing them something. It honestly makes me feel like sh*t when someone does that. If you're not interested in the conversation with the person in front of you, that's fine, just say "gotta go, see you later", but don't half-ass your attention. I just don't see texting as an immediate, urgent form of communication. It's like email to me. If someone needs to get a hold of me more urgently, they should call me.
> 
> As such, I'm pretty patient and lenient when waiting for a reply for someone via text.


_My mom is an INFP and she sounds just like you. I get really annoyed and bothered if she does not respond to a text or respond to a text in a timely manner lol. And she does this very often. She seems to get annoyed with me however, when I am on the phone texting while she is speaking with me. It's the complete opposite with me though. I like to return people's texts as fast as possible so I will do that even if I am having a conversation with someone face to face. I don't mind at all if other people do this to me for some reason. When I am texting while in company of others, it's not because I feel that they are boring or anything. I just feel that the text messages that are coming through are "emergency" messages. I am a worrier and feel that almost everything is urgent and needs to be replied to immediately. After reading this, I will make sure to tell people that I'm with, that if they find it rude, to let me know so that I will try not to do that them again to be considerate. My mom doesn't count _


----------



## Wookiee

I only seem to get mad at no response if I am romantically involved with the person. 
Thats when my mind runs through every scenario regarding their feelings for me and picks out the negative ones and places them on a pedestal. 

I have to use every ounce of self control not to text them every couple of hours fishing for a reply.

So my only solution is if I feel this way I delete their number and the call history. That way I cant keep hassling them


----------



## Yellow

Wookiee said:


> I only seem to get mad at no response if I am romantically involved with the person.
> Thats when my mind runs through every scenario regarding their feelings for me and picks out the negative ones and places them on a pedestal.
> 
> I have to use every ounce of self control not to text them every couple of hours fishing for a reply.
> 
> So my only solution is if I feel this way I delete their number and the call history. That way I cant keep hassling them


OH MY GAS i can relate to this a lot! I thought I was the only one who would delete their number or change their name to something insulting :crazy:

I use to really get pissed off when people didn't answer, but now it's kinda more controlled. It really depends on my mood though.


----------



## Fynest One

Wookiee said:


> I only seem to get mad at no response if I am romantically involved with the person.
> Thats when my mind runs through every scenario regarding their feelings for me and picks out the negative ones and places them on a pedestal.
> 
> I have to use every ounce of self control not to text them every couple of hours fishing for a reply.
> 
> So my only solution is if I feel this way I delete their number and the call history. That way I cant keep hassling them


I can totally relate to this. I am going through this right now with my ex. He started calling and texting me a lot again lately. I texted him almost 24 hours ago though and he hasn't responded to me. I am really fighting not to text him back asking if he got the text message because I don't want to scare him away. I had a habit of doing this while we were together and it's kind of what drove him away. Always accusing him of not really wanting to talk to me and ignoring me. So, I'm just sadly walking around the place acting like everything is okay but really dying in side. :crying: I'm trying so hard to be strong and act like a normal person lol


----------



## Wookiee

@Fynest One The only other thing that helps me is when I feel myself thinking about the person and feeling anxious I immediately find something to do. Jump in my car and go for a drive or watch a movie or read a book. Then when the movie is finished or I have had enough reading (INFP yeah right!) I don't feel as anxious. If you find it creeping back in just find something else to do. 

And when he DOES reply...... wait 30 minutes before you reply back. That's the hardest part. I do this because I guess they dont think I have been sitting with my phone in my hand waiting for them to reply. 

I know that's easier said than done. :frustrating:


----------



## nuut

Not really, I just assume they need some space.


----------



## Fynest One

Wookiee said:


> @_Fynest One_ The only other thing that helps me is when I feel myself thinking about the person and feeling anxious I immediately find something to do. Jump in my car and go for a drive or watch a movie or read a book. Then when the movie is finished or I have had enough reading (INFP yeah right!) I don't feel as anxious. If you find it creeping back in just find something else to do.
> 
> And when he DOES reply...... wait 30 minutes before you reply back. That's the hardest part. I do this because I guess they dont think I have been sitting with my phone in my hand waiting for them to reply.
> 
> I know that's easier said than done. :frustrating:



Haha yes, it is definitely easier said than done but I will definitely try your suggestions. Thanks a bunch!


----------



## Gruvian

No, I don't take it personally. If they don't want to talk -- sure, I have other people I could go to talk to. Though, I've had people get mad at _me_ for not responding, maybe that explains it. I'm the one who ignores people. :crazy: The reason for that is always: I have nothing interesting to reply back, or I'm no longer interested in holding conversations and am doing something for my own sake. So, simply by knowing the reasons why I don't reply back leaves me with the guess other people have similar reasons too. In can guess these reasons in most cases, don't ask me how, but I'm never offended. If you want to talk -- I'm always there, if you want to stop at any time -- sure. End of story.


----------



## Golden Rose

Oh, _yes_.
It's up there with people who answer to something meaningful with 'lol' 'me 2' or 'k'.

The thing is, it depends on the person and the importance I'm giving to the conversation.
If it's something that has ran its course or the other person is clearly in a rush, I don't mind, I know exactly the reasons why and I probably wanted out, as well. But when my feelings and interests are on the line, it's a whole different matter!

Unresponsive love interests have always been trouble. I used to be quite anxious about it, seeing neglect patterns where there weren't and sometimes I was mentally the judge, jury and executioner, carefully picking the worst scenarios I could come up with. Of course, I wouldn't always let them know but it was a way to feel unconsciously safer. I've ended relationships due to lack of proper communication.

People who drop an online/text conversation without any explanations or don't call when they promised to? _Rude_. Rude enough to justify any kind of passive aggressively condescending answer they might receive.


----------



## yentipeee

I'm guilty of that. I forget my phone in my car, or it's out of battery, then I find voice messages & texts that are weeks old. I like you, really :tongue:


----------



## LandOfTheSnakes

Yes. Except I also have a huge problem with answering peoples' texts.


----------



## rilasu

Not really, because I understand that they are busy with their lives. I do get a little sad inside if they don't, and then I get self-conscious by wondering if I said anything rude or weird. Although, I am usually the type who replies late (like a few days) so maybe that's why I'm not very bothered, ahha!


----------



## Michal

When someone doesn't answer, I am worried that maybe they are angry with me or that maybe I have done or said something that offended them. At least this happens when I like someone because in other cases I may pay less attention to it. However, I know that I myself have often problem responding to others' calls or messages within a resonable amount of time, so I should understand that other people are not perfect in that regard either.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

I really used to and I just stopped texting those people. I hope they are mad, they deserve it.


----------



## superwaffles321

Yes. A simple question I asked, just one simple, easy question I asked, and they don't answer back just 30 seconds after the person texted back and I asked a question and don't get any answer back and I wait an eternity for that answer. I hate that! I try not to let it get to me, and think it's nothing and not a problem but, I think it's very rude. Or when I say "hi" to a person in person and don't get any "hi" back, it really infuriates me. I could make it better by asking "how are you doing?" to get a reaction, if the person is smiling, that's good, at least. Still, it bothers me. It makes me want to be antisocial. Usually, I avoid these kind of people and keep to myself to avoid being passive aggressive and vengeful. I know, bad isn't it? But aaargh! C'mon! What did I do wrong in the first place? I'm not invisible! But, whatever. It's really hard not to think about it. I try really hard to stop thinking that way. Example: Hey. How was that tornado?--Of course it's bad and destructive! But, when I don't get an answer, that pisses me off! I know you don't have to answer all my questions but, damn! Don't be such a jerk! I mean, I do that too with good reasons. Like, when a person asks me the same question 5 minutes ago, I answered twice to that question, but the third, fourth time? No. Or when a person asks me a question that the answer is extremely obvious, yeah, check first before you ask that kind of question! If you don't know, fine! I'll answer it for you. Sorry. Rant over now.

I'll admit. I did that before. But, not too many times. Not proud of myself of those times. I did that before because I want to avoid that question to avoid discussing it and avoid more further upcoming related questions. I get really anxious and pretty much run away from it. I can't stand it. Especially, interrogation. I start to freak out and it makes me want to jump out the window or shutdown. But, yeah. I guess, I'm not worth it when I ask a simple question...

Sometimes, I understand when a person doesn't answer back. I hold back a lot. I might miss something. Or just forget about it. At least, I have that much understanding.


----------



## aendern

No.


----------

