# Do you feel uncomfortable around your relatives?



## Luther (Dec 3, 2009)

I live on the east coast, so every year I go with my parents to the west coast to see my family (both my mom's and dad's family). I have had a good relationship with my aunts, uncles, and cousins and have seen them pretty much every year since I was about 3, but still I feel uncomfortable around some of my relatives, namely on my dad's side. I feel that my dad's side of the family is a little more uptight and judgmental than my mom's. A lot of my dad's family live in a wealthy, white-bread part of the city and although they are not wealthy themselves, they live in a neighbourhood primarily composed of millionaires. I recently went to a family gathering for my dad's family, and I was quiet for most of the time. I don't know what it is. I guess I just feel like I can't be myself around them. When I'm with my mom's family though, I'm uninhibited, talking to everyone and cracking jokes and stuff. I guess my mom's family is a little more chill - a lot of my relatives on mom's side are working class, so maybe that has something to do it - i feel like I don't have to always come across as 'perfect', working hard in university and straight-edge. Am I the only one who feels weird and awkward around their relatives?


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## MilkyLatte (Jun 22, 2010)

I feel respected and socially accepted by my relatives. But I'm still very uncomfortable around them, even my parents. But then again, the only people I'm comfortable with are my friends and even then I'm still pretty uncomfortable. Even if I'm alone, though not very.


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## Nymma (Apr 24, 2010)

YES-very much so. I don't see my family members(mother's side or father's side) very often, only twice a year, so I'm not close to them at all. Each of them are genuinely good people, and they mix well with each other fortunately. However, my sister and I never initiated one conversation since we did family gatherings(since we were born, basically), so they sort of mentally labelled us as the "quiet ones, the ones who never speak". They don't expect us to talk, and even though we both evolved socially to an extent, when we try to jump on a conversation, they seem very stunned, and look at us as if we're aliens. 

Every now and then they small-talk for a minute or so with us, but it rarely goes deeper than that. It annoys me, because I can't stand small talk, and would like very much to actually create strong bonds with them, but the "tags" remain there...I think they think we're boring and/or anti-social... which could not be further from the truth. I regret the situation, but as I had social anxiety during my youth and almost until the end of my adolesence, I could not have acted differently and try to socialize, then. 

Now, for my direct family(mother, father, sister), that is another story...We're all very close and comfortable around each other.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I feel slightly comfortable with most of my relatives, but not so comfortable that I can talk to them about anything interesting. They're used to the way I dress, and how quirky and eccentric I am, but I tend to avoid mentioning things I care about, just so I won't end up having some kind of huge debate about my values that would fuck everything up. So, yeah, on a surface level, I feel comfortable _seeming_ like myself, but not comfortable actually _being_ myself.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Me and my relatives are strangers who go through motions when we interact.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I feel exposed somehow when I'm near them. I'm just waiting for them to bring up something that I don't want to talk about. 
I can't stand relatives. With them- it's either about some long lost past or about rushing into the future with random goals. 
My family is all about conservatism, tradition, pride, and so forth, and it is really not my cup of tea. SJ's rule the world you know.
And those of us who aren't, feel alienated, have anxieties, depression, etc, and no one seems to see the connection. 
There's two ISFP's in my family of 60, and we both have severe anxiety and depression, however, my cousin (the ISFP) has a kid 
now, and works in a kindergarden, and that helps keep him on the edge- compared to me who's on the brink of falling down.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

My relatives (all other than immediate family) live overseas and I was quite young the last time I saw any on a large scale and felt comfortable. But since then it's only been small holidays full of mostly awkward interaction. lols... it is like strangers being around but they have this free pass because they've been certified as being of-good-blood.
I do feel I've missed out on that side of growing up.. one of my old friends was in shock and said I should force my parents to pay me to visit them more often or something. I was resided to the fact it was in some way "normal". Just unfortunate I guess.. to at least have the option.


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## saturnne (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes, but only because our family moves frequently because of my dad's job and so I can't really bond with my relatives.


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## agreenbough (Aug 11, 2010)

Definitely have a problem with discomfort with relatives. It's gotten a bit better with my own family - we're actually closer than in past years, though we still don't see each other, or even phone, all that often. But the discomfort with my in-laws has gotten worse instead of better. I know I'm to blame for some of this. I tried for so long to act extroverted to try to fit in to their large joke-cracking, hugging, more-the-merrier dynamic that they thought that's who I was. It led to increasingly frequent and LONG visits by my in-laws, in addition to the usual times my famliy visits them. I felt they were pursuing more intimacy than I was/am willing/able to tolerate. This has blown up in my face. I'm considering severely limiting my time with them. No more houseguests, no more week-long visits to their house - especially now that my MIL has decided my dog is no longer welcome in her house, despite the fact that she was welcome for the past seven years, and their dog was always welcome at my house. I've interpreted my dog being uninvited as being indirectly uninvited myself. (My in-laws know we travel with the dog and how important she is to me.) I understand her house/her rules. But the rules changed with no explanataion. After travelling nine hours, I don't think my dog should have to continue to stay in the car, and I can't afford a hotel for more than one night. So I just won't be visiting anymore.


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## fairytales (Nov 15, 2010)

Close family is just my parents and I.. so definetly not there. Distant relatives.. i.e uncles,cousins.. yeah, very uncomfortable as I wasnt brought up close to them.


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## phoelomek (Nov 28, 2010)

I'm just sort of awkward and uncomfortable with any group of people, period. Regarding family, it's less so with distant relatives, as I'm not expected to talk to them at all at large family gatherings. I'm fine with immediate relatives, as, well, I've lived with them for most of my life. It's when I'm interacting with the "in-betweeners" that the situation becomes viscerally awkward and I start looking for an escape route. They're close enough to approach me, awkwardly try to hug me and half-heartedly ask about school and work, but not close enough to care what my response is, instead asking out of a sense of "you're my family, so I'm supposed to be interested in your life." I dread family gatherings for this reason. It's obvious that no one actually gives a shit, but you still feel compelled to participate in the "How's school? Oooh, that's great." song and dance. I was relieved when I was finally old enough to decide for myself if and when I would attend family parties. :tongue:


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## Stand Alone (Apr 25, 2009)

I don't feel uncomfortable at all, just bored.


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## Ectoplasm (May 2, 2010)

I would much prefer to be alone with my own thoughts. The house becomes so energised and noisy (with a lot of S too) I can't enjoy it as much as I like. Leaving the house to be alone is considered rude too. But it's a necessary evil I suppose unless I want to be out on the street.

Occasionally they bring around my second cousins who are all little kids. They can annoy me because whenever I try and find some alone time they come in and bug me again. They all seem to like me much more than my siblings, to the point where my parents say I should become a teacher. But I suppose they aren't all bad, I can relate to them a little (here's me thinking I'm now a mature adult :tongue


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## heartturnedtoporcelain (Apr 9, 2010)

I feel a lot of guilt because of this. I know I should love them and I should want to talk with them but they're so distant and I rarely had the chance to visit. The only relative I enjoy being around is my great aunt with whom I spent 2 weeks in Vienna and I spent several long-ish periods at her apartment. We bonded over opera, art, and history. I'm not awkward because I know her and understand her. Everyone else ... not so much.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Generally, I make them uncomfortable. 

I love a few of my relatives, completely and in every way imaginable, and the question of discomfort doesn't arise. We understand and respect each other, make each other laugh, and so on. The rest are made uncomfortable by my mere presence. I challenge them openly and couldn't care less about what they think of me/my lifestyle/my belief system and so on. It's an antagonistic relationship, and it leaves me unaffected but makes them all uneasy.


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

The only people in my family I willingly spend time with, are my two sisters. I recorded a video of them two days ago talking about why they hate family get together's at Christmas. It was so raw and honest; I was filled with an immense sense of awe that these two 12 year olds could talk with such clarity and critical thinking. I was actually moved by their perspective of family get togethers in an "adults world". How they were isolated, talked down to, and were observers of the bullshit social niceties between people even they at a young age can see through. And how they didn't want to play the game. Their observations were so poignant and right on the mark. I felt like I was watching their innocence unraveling right there. You could see it in their anger and despair. 

Whenever i'm at a family event (I don't turn up to many, because I don't enjoy having to fake enjoyment being around people I don't even know) I hang around with the kids. It's amazing how lonely they often feel at such events. You can tell by their body language. 

My sisters and I feel quite estranged by our parents. I respect them and what they've done for me, but I don't know them and they don't know me. I don't feel comfortable around them. I feel separated from them, and any attempt at playing happy families seems forced.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

That's the problem with a large family, quantity != quality.


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## sarek (May 20, 2010)

I was adopted by my parents so there is no genetic match between me and my family. And because I am an N with ADD to boot and they are all S types I have very little in common with most of them. All that we share is smalltalk and I hate smalltalk.
The one big exception was my late uncle from my mothers' side who was very much on my frequency.


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