# Fear of vomiting in public or on someone?



## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

I would take the bus and the train to get to college and somehow one day I started to worry about throwing up. Sigh, the thought of it makes me uncomfortable. Not just throwing up, but throwing up on someone, the horrible sound the body makes when it's throwing up, and that sense of helplessness and weakness accompanying the act, the extreme shame and embarrassment, people getting disgusted by it and sick, and just mad at you....

Can you picture it? It's horrifying. I would be sitting in the bus and feeling nauseous and then thinking about this and this made me more nauseous. I would start sweating and I couldn't breathe. I was having a panic attack. I would imagine everybody looking at me after I throw up, there would noise, people yelling, someone saying "oh my God, yuck", and people covering their mouths and nose and looking at me with hatred and disgust. Damn I'm starting to sweat a little describing the scene...I'll power through...

So I would be sitting in the bus and I bet some people noticed that panic on my face. I wonder if they had any idea what was going on in my mind. As bad as the thought was, what scared me even more was how to handle this afterwards. Should I clean up the vomit? How? Should I take off my shirt or use my schoolbag? What if it's too much, what if the vomit on the bus floor makes me vomit again? Would the bus pull over and the bus driver come in the back, would they call an ambulance, would I need to apologize profusely to people I vomited on, can I ever take that bus again? Do I take people's clothes and wash them and bring them the next day? In that moment I thought, that I would rather die than face any of this. Like literally, die. Do you get that? I preferred to have people suddenly realize I was a corpse and I was dead, and call a mortician or something. That, instead of me with my vomity mouth and sweating and looking up from the floor of the bus to angry disgusted faced, and on verge of tears saying sorry, and saying, Let me pay for your dry cleaning, and that I'm so sorry, so so so sorry, sorry, so sorry...

God, what if I vomited on an old woman, or on a little kid, and so all of sudden and they were sleep? Would people be so mad they would actually hit me?

Sigh. I'm a shy guy so slightly kind of social faux pas already makes me self-conscious and uncomfortable. But this...this is like the worst thing imaginable. 

At times I've considered actually asking people, like on a forum like this, if they've ever done this or seen someone do this, and how they felt, whether as someone viewing this or someone going through it. I know some people are quite less sensitive to this kind of thing like vomiting in public or more particularly on people, and other embarrassing things, like farting or burping in close proximity to others. Or needing to defecate or pee in public. Or sweating over someone else. Or whatever. It's not easy for anybody, but some people would just get embarrassed and then move on from it, while others would literally take the option of dying over this if possible at that moment, and otherwise reorganize their mental and physical life around this (avoid public places all together, develop mental illness, etc).

Similar experiences or fears, or am I just the nuttiest person on the planet?


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## Bluefireluv (Jun 17, 2013)

I have a fear of puking in general, but while I do fear that one day I might just randomly throw up (Hopefully not, thank god I'm able to repress the urge even if it makes me feel worse) I have a bigger fear that it will happen to someone else. It happened once before and I got so paranoid, but thankfully it wasn't to the point where I had to leave because then I'd feel so bad. I ended up feeling bad anyways though because that person cleaned it up herself to avoid inconvenience for others


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## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

I guess carry a vomit bag with you all the time then.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

PowerShell said:


> I guess carry a vomit bag with you all the time then.


That's not helpful, this is phobia, not someone who actually vomits 20 times a day.


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## Sun Lips (Jan 28, 2013)

conscius said:


> Similar experiences or fears, or *am I just the nuttiest person on the planet? *


You totally are.

I am not sure when I developed this phobia. I remember getting sick as a kid and not being really bothered by it. It did bother my dad, who has the same phobia, so I sometimes wonder if that contributed to it. It only ever happened a few times. My mom has told me I almost never vomited, even as a baby. (Now it's been something like sixteen years.)

The first phobic incident I remember was when I was 11 and got pneumonia. I was running a really high fever, and although I didn't feel nauseous at all, I became preoccupied with the idea that I would throw up in the car on the way to the emergency room. The antibiotics I was given made me dry heave, so that scared me even more, but I was fine.

A short time after that, I was eating dinner at a friend's house and suddenly felt really nauseous. I don't know if I actually felt sick or if I was just anxious, but I ran into the bathroom gagging and hyperventilating. I had a panic attack, cried until my friend's parents called my mom, and went home a wreck. Since then, the phobia has been fully present.

For a long time, I couldn't eat in front of people, especially in restaurants. I had a (long, _long_) list of foods I wouldn't eat because I was convinced they would give me food poisoning. I couldn't sleep anywhere but my own house, afraid I'd get sick in the middle of the night. It was very controlling. I'm thankful because it never got to the point where I was afraid to say the word. But I would get very panicky if it happened in a movie, or if a person near me got sick, especially if it was without warning.

I've gotten a lot better about most of those things. I can usually eat in restaurants now, although I still get nervous about it, and I can sleep just about anywhere. I don't really have the "bad food list" anymore. I still won't eat food if I don't think it was stored properly (don't know why anyone would) or if it's near the expiration date. I get sweaty and uncomfortable seeing or hearing it, but as long as it's not ON me, I'm alright.

The biggest problem now is really just when I feel nauseous myself. I lose it. And I think it's one of the worst phobias, because nausea is a very common symptom of anxiety. So you get anxious for some arbitrary reason, or maybe you get anxious because you feel a little nauseous. Then the anxiety causes more nausea. 
More nausea -> More anxiety -> More nausea -> More anxiety -> More nausea.

I get really worked up and have awful panic attacks about it. I keep Emetrol around me all the time; I think it's just a placebo but it does help. It's basically cola syrup. I also take Klonopin to control the anxiety, which keeps me from worrying about the phobia too much.

It's an awful thing to deal with. Vomiting is such a reality of the world. I want to have babies, but I'm afraid of morning sickness during pregnancy. I'm just going to have to suck it up and tell myself I can handle it. In the sixteen years I've gone without vomiting, I think I've convinced myself that it's a lot more "mind over matter" than most people think. I have been so sick I thought I would die if I turned my head, but I managed not to vomit. I just pretend I can keep it up forever. 

Interestingly, another person with this phobia (its name is emetophobia but I hate that word) once proposed a theory that some of us developed the fear in the first place because we have a high threshold for vomiting. Generally, kids get sick pretty often, and vomit becomes a relatively normal, albeit unpleasant, part of life. For those of us who didn't throw up much during childhood, it never became something we knew how to deal with, and now it's an "unknown."


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

Haha, at first I thought you serious saying you totally think I'm the nuttiest person cause I was gonna say, well what about that guy who ate his own children. :grin:

But I agree with most of what you say. I never thought about women and morning sickness issue, but I feel bad because for you that's now tied in with having kids and it would be awful if this phobia stops you from experiencing something big like that. I also agree with the viciousness of that circle of nausea leading to anxiety and more nausea.... 

I'm also sorry to hear about your experience at your friend's home and the worry about foods. Sometimes particular smells make me feel nauseous and so I can't eat but I don't have a list of particular foods I avoid, just depends on the circumstance.

Though the childhood theory you mention sounds interesting, I don't personally think that's the case with me. I think I'm just a highly anxious person. And vomiting is the "perfect" thing to be afraid of, in that it's in a way unstoppable and makes you helpless, it's embarrassing and disgusting and unpleasant...and basically like all my fears merged into one. 

When I'm less anxious, which doesn't happen often, everything associated with that phobia goes down. I'm on antidepressants but those don't help with anxiety. However, sometimes I just feel happy and calm for whatever reason and those times I feel less worry about possibility of throwing up and also feel less fear of the consequences. Like when I'm very calm and relaxed, if I imagine somebody else throwing up in public I do think, Yuck, gross, but then it's not like the end of the world. It's just like any other incident, like someone falling down because of an illness or fainting or suddenly crying or whatever. It will concern me, I will feel uncomfortable, and like pretty much most people around, feel both concern and fear. Of course with someone vomiting I will also feel disgust, but the concern will also be there so it's not like someone killed a child or something. 

But when I'm highly anxious, none of that matters. The phobia kicks into high gear.


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## RaidenPrime (Aug 4, 2012)

I've never thrown up on anyone but people have thrown up on me and I hate it. One time someone puked from a roller coaster and it fell in my hair. I've been caught in the crossfire of people's puke too.

Wait, I take that back, I puked on people all the time as a baby, but I forgot about that.

My dad has this phobia though. He has a fear of puking in general. If he notices someone else puke, he will also puke when seeing it.

To me it's just puke. It's gross but it isn't life threatening or anything. Unless I choke on my own puke.


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## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

conscius said:


> That's not helpful, this is phobia, not someone who actually vomits 20 times a day.


I have a bad gag reflex. If I swallow wrong I can get gaggy and want to throw up. When I was younger I actually did do it and sometimes in the middle of class. I know what it's like to fear randomly throwing up because I actually have done it multiple times. Plain and simple, mitigate the risk. Bring something to throw up into and reassure yourself if you do have to, you have a way to more discretely do it versus just puking all over the place.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

PowerShell said:


> I have a bad gag reflex. If I swallow wrong I can get gaggy and want to throw up. When I was younger I actually did do it and sometimes in the middle of class. I know what it's like to fear randomly throwing up because I actually have done it multiple times. Plain and simple, mitigate the risk. Bring something to throw up into and reassure yourself if you do have to, you have a way to more discretely do it versus just puking all over the place.


Oh, I thought you were making light of my concern, kind of like, SO what bring a bag along. But now I understand you were offering me a practical means of reducing my phobia and that you can also relate to it yourself. Thanks.


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## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

conscius said:


> Oh, I thought you were making light of my concern, kind of like, SO what bring a bag along. But now I understand you were offering me a practical means of reducing my phobia and that you can also relate to it yourself. Thanks.


I can see where it could come across as that. The main thing is if you feel you need to throw up, find ways that you can know you can more discretely do it. I've personally had it before where I've been nauseous and sometimes when my nerves get worked up I get gaggy and actually want to throw up or even sometimes make myself through up to calm my nerves. For you it's just a fear you have. Have everything ready and confront that fear. If you continue to condition yourself, you should be fine after a while.


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## Sun Lips (Jan 28, 2013)

coffeecatalyst said:


> I've never thrown up on anyone but people have thrown up on me and I hate it. *One time someone puked from a roller coaster and it fell in my hair. I've been caught in the crossfire of people's puke too.*


Ew, ew, ew!! /squirms

"Fun" story for the vomit-phobes hanging out here: My dad (who, like I said, also has this phobia) told me he thought he'd developed it after having a bad experience at a carnival. He was on one of those circular rides where everyone is strapped to the wall and then the whole thing turns on its side and spins. One of these:










The girl next to him, a friend, vomited while they were at the top. By the time they spun around to the bottom, it was hitting them in the face. @_____@;

I can go on roller coasters, but I avoid carnival rides at all costs! Not only because I'm afraid of other people getting sick on them, but also because I'm afraid of them falling apart and killing me. Luckily I don't get any kind of motion sickness so I can still ride the higher-quality rides at theme parks. But never will I ever step on something that seems practically engineered to cover people in puke!


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## 6007 (Feb 12, 2010)

I have to agree, with this particular anxiety, having something on hand would really help ease some of the fear. 
It's scary to lose control of the body in such a way, but with a bag on hand, that's a big bonus, no one is inconvenienced at all, the situation is totally contained.

In my teen years I found bodily functions not quite repulsive, but totally undesirable and inconvenient.
I hate vomiting in particular, and can't do it, even when I'm really very ill and I need to. (Food poisoning.)
I hate it when people at the gym get on a treadmill next to me, if I'm sweating. I've almost slipped, trying to run as far away from the other as possible.
But... In my case, these things have been lessening over the years.
Everyone has a body, that body has needs and functions. Some of them aren't appetizing, but they are necessary to keeping the organism healthy.
It's kind of cool, if you think about it just right.
Inconvenient and annoying, but interesting.


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