# Thinkers' reaction to others' emotion



## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

It is typical that thinkers don't know how to respond to other's emotional confession, especially to feelers', or they feel awkward about it? Or does it not have anything to do with one being a thinker? Is it true that a thinker doesn't respond to others' emotion in the way feelers do? 

Just to be clear, by thinkers I mean those who have Ti or Te as their dom. or aux., and I'm not saying that thinkers are unemotional.


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## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

It sometimes freaks me the hell out when I see extreme emotional outbursts.


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## Unproductive (Jan 14, 2013)

Te aux here. I never have a clue how to deal with other people's emotions. This is because when I experience emotional crises, I tend to prefer to resolve them by myself without telling anyone. It's faster, easier and less worrying for friends. There's no need to get anyone involved. But this also means that I haven't a clue on how to comfort people and handle other people's emotions. I used to think that other people were like me and preferred to just handle everything alone (is this my Fi tert?). But I suppose I've learnt that when people tell you emotional things, they do it for a purpose. When that happens...well...let's just say I'm so amazingly dumbstruck that I'm left speechless and awkwardly patting backs or shoulders.


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## CaptainWildChild (Dec 26, 2012)

I think when people get too emotional it gets really well awkward for me because I don't know how to react except using logic to find solutions that they sometimes don't want(usually it is just some support or comforting words). 
What I have noticed atleast those feelers I know are having harder time to let go of feelings like hurt or sadness which is understandble for a certain amount of time but after a while it just gets annoying. 

Those who have emotional outbrusts are just wow I don't know.. Scary in a way?


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## Mind Swirl (Sep 7, 2011)

I have no idea what to do to comfort someone when they have an emotional outburst, and I test highly on Fi. I just sit there and listen because I haven't the slightest idea what to say. Plus, I think it has to do with how I'd want to be treated. From my point of view, It's better to just listen and let the person talk. 
The problem being people want different things. Some people probably want hugs or comforting words, soo.. hard to know what to do. 

Though, I notice the Fe types I know are better at finding something to say or comforting others in a general sense.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

yea, l was going to say l don't deal with Fe well. Don't get it.

l used to make really feely, personalized mixed CDs for my close friends in highschool. Pretty Fi, yes? No?


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

Mind Swirl said:


> Though, I notice the Fe types I know are better at finding something to say or comforting others in a general sense.


Weird, I was going to say I don't mind emotional outbursts. I like (?) comforting other people? Doesn't matter who they are, I really hate to see people cry.
I can tell when it's not genuine though.

But the problem I have with emotional outbursts is that I know that I'm being shallow, I hate that. I don't mind doing it infrequently but too much of projecting Fake Fe drains me.

Hugs are my weapon of choice, they always work. Always. Even with people who don't like hugs haha.


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## Moya (May 22, 2012)

Although many don't, a lot of thinkers do _know_ how to deal with others emotions - they just naturally place less emphasis on emotions when compared to logic. They try to logically solve interpersonal issues, instead of being a 'shoulder to cry on', and don't care much for the feelings of others when they seem unwarranted or illogical. But in certain situations, they can be very sensitive and helpful.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

JungleDisco said:


> Weird, *I was going to say* I don't mind emotional outbursts. I like (?) comforting other people? Doesn't matter who they are, I really hate to see people cry.
> I can tell when it's not genuine though.
> 
> But the problem I have with emotional outbursts is that I know that I'm being shallow, I hate that. I don't mind doing it infrequently but too much of projecting Fake Fe drains me.
> ...


stop trolling me.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

OMG WTF BRO said:


> stop trolling *me*.


I'm sorry your Ni has warped your head and made you think everything I do is somehow meaningfully connected to you in a mystical way.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

JungleDisco said:


> I'm sorry your Ni has warped your head and made you think everything I do is somehow meaningfully connected to you in a mystical way.


lm sorry you can't read MBTI.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

OMG WTF BRO said:


> lm sorry you can't read MBTI.


I'm sorry that _YOUR FACE_


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## Weaselz (May 9, 2013)

When my friends come to me sad or upset, I'm usually the type to nod and give free hugs, and not really say anything...unless they say something really dumb. I'll have to correct them then.


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## TheProcrastinatingMaster (Jun 4, 2012)

I despise it, it makes me very uncomfortable, especially because I don't what say or do to make them stop. There is a difference between expressing emotions calmly and with words, then simply crying and blabbering on about something. It is especially annoying when they're crying over something I couldn't conceivably give a fuck about, and I can't understand why they do too.


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## Scelerat (Oct 21, 2012)

I usually take a logic-based problem-solving approach to emotions. "Ok, so this is what you said was causing your emotional outburst, so lets work out a way to solve it".


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## tangosthenes (Oct 29, 2011)

JungleDisco said:


> I'm sorry that _YOUR FACE_


is this entire thread some sort of weird trolling on everybody else including multiple account names for one person?

anyway, my take on the question as an xNTP:

To others' emotions: if I have time to withdraw and think, or the audacity to shoot straight(depends on my current attitude about the world, which changes constantly), I can deliver what I see to be the appropriate response. But really, it's just a crapshoot. I have a tendency to try to comfort people who aren't dealing with life well, but I never feel equal to them. Always superior, and always have the clear path for them to take. So that's probably where the inadequate levels of sympathy but adequate levels of empathy come in. I will understand where they are at, but I won't take the time to figure out how to deal with it from their natural mindset. Always, this is what seems logical and most provincial/necessary for the kind of problem you are describing.

I am the best judge of things: take my method. It will serve you better than your own. Which ends up completely separating them from how they'd prefer to do things and isn't exactly a good method, since it doesn't get results.

So, I'm terrible. Absolutely terrible. I have the best of intentions, but I just can't give good advice on how to deal with problems if you aren't me, and haven't the strength and experience I have.


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## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

OMG WTF BRO said:


> yea, l was going to say l don't deal with Fe well. Don't get it.
> 
> l used to make really feely, personalized mixed CDs for my close friends in highschool. Pretty Fi, yes? No?


My ISFP sister did the same thing.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

chaoticbrain said:


> My ISFP sister did the same thing.


lt sounds very Fi to me . l've read some things today on the forum that make me sound more like an Fe user. l score with them right next to each other on most tests.

l think l started out as ENFP and developed Fe as a reaction to it...perhaps. Kind of an act against myself to neutralize my own self obsession. Now l'm Fi rambling lol.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

As a Fi user I have to admit that I am not good at responding to someone's emotional confession as well, but I think my reaction is still different from that of thinkers. It's a different feeling, some little nuances.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

Scelerat said:


> I usually take a logic-based problem-solving approach to emotions. "Ok, so this is what you said was causing your emotional outburst, so lets work out a way to solve it".


My father does that, and he hates crybabies.


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## Jabberbroccoli (Mar 19, 2011)

Jabberbroccoli said:


> I love emotional outbursts! They just soothe my soul and really help me connect with people. Those other silly thinkers don't know what they're missing! <3 <3 <3


For those of you who liked the above post under the impression that I was being serious, I was not. I'm terrible at dealing with peoples' emotional outbursts.


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

Jabberbroccoli said:


> For those of you who liked the above post under the impression that I was being serious, I was not. I'm terrible at dealing with peoples' emotional outbursts.




why so serious


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## PaladinX (Feb 20, 2013)

I'm a pretty good shoulder to cry on. However, the conversation starts to go downhill if you're irrationally emotional or emotional over something that I deem silly.


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## ounkeo (May 23, 2013)

I feel for people who approach me with their emotional problems (likely my friends), but it's just nearly impossible for me to feel what they are feeling or even know what they are going through. I can share my experiences with them but that is ALL I know how to do. I have no other tactics or techniques in my arsenal to help or console or whatever else. It's situations like these that make me feel the most like I am a robot. 

For me, it's something I can deal with myself quite effectively, quickly and efficiently when dealt with internally. so there's that gap there. I'm not judging them at all, I just can't see how it's actually necessary. And it makes me feel bad and I, too often, lack words to console or properly engage them.
Dealing with other negative extreme emotions, is much easier for me. I counter extreme anger and anxiety with calm, rational composure and logic. It might resort to outright confrontation by which point, I can give as good, if not better, as I get. But that's extremely rare. I try and diffuse. I don't like confrontation of the emotional kind. It's a waste of time and energy.

It's also a waste of your time to direct extreme emotion my direction. I can switch off my emotion at will and counter with cold, hard logic. If I'm in the wrong, I will admit it. You can be angry but believe me, I'm harder on myself than you can ever be. So again, quite a waste of your time and energy.


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## Forest_for_the_Trees (May 3, 2013)

I'm not usually that comfortable with emotion's unless they are for a valid reason like someone's parents passed away or something but then I usually I feel uncomfortable because I'm not sure how to make them feel better, either way I feel awkward. I can comfort people by listening to them but I don't like to be too physically intimate with people if I don't know them that well and I'm more likely to listen compassionately if they're crying out of sorrow and not anger (although in the latter case I'll still listen but may feel a bit annoyed about it).

So I guess it depends on why I think the person is being emotional, even if I think it's very valid I can still feel awkward because I'm just not sure how to make them feel better, but I am good at just listening to people, I'm very adept at listening to complaining too, I think the main difference between T and F is that T dominant people want to give you a solution, which is often a good thing, but I guess when someone is emotional sometimes they just want to rant and not have solutions so then they may prefer to an F dominated person who may be more likely to just listen and let it blow over.


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## thunder (Jun 15, 2011)

When my friends are very upset and need to express it, I simply exist -- as someone who is just _there_ with them, or to give them a hug and/or a shoulder to cry on. I do feel a bit awkward with a friend crying on my shoulder though. I am better at giving them objects to make them feel better, like tissue, tea, a stuffed animal, or a note of encouragement. 

I ask questions or make comments regarding their situations if I believe they are in a state of mind in which questions/comments can be comprehended and absorbed thoughtfully.


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## Bluity (Nov 12, 2012)

As much as emotional outbursts confuse me, the emotion itself is not something I'm unfamiliar. I'm surprised by how many thinkers on the forum claim that feeling is something so alien that they can't wrap their minds around it. Unless you've never felt anger, sorrow, hurt, pain, love or grief (and are therefore a psychopath), it's not that hard of a leap to have some vague impression of how someone feeling. Do I understand why my friend is crying? No. Am I at least familiar with the emotion of sadness? Yes. I have no idea how to comfort him (or even if comfort is necessary) but it's not as if emotion is completely incomprehensible to my Thinker brain.


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## LittleOrange (Feb 11, 2012)

I´d just like to say that I really like the NT approach to solving problems. If I have a problem I´d always turn to you guys. :laughing: You are so rational and always give good advice on what to do, and not only that, but but you also explain what will happen if I do this and what will happen if I do that (which is a little harder for me to see since I´m a Se user). Often times I kind of know what is the best thing to do, but can be a little overwhelmed by my feelings and then NTs just explain it to me clear and simple, something that deep inside I knew, but for some reason, probably because of the emotions, couldn´t really see clearly. You guys rock :laughing:


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## Paratale (May 30, 2013)

I'm still not sure if I'm a feeler or a thinker, but I've always found emotional outbursts to be morbidly fascinating at best and profoundly disturbing at worst. I have very strong emotions at times, but I usually keep the full brunt of them to myself and share only part of what I'm feeling. I'm like an iceberg that way.

Fortunately, most of my friends can tell I'm not any good at consolation, so I've never actually had someone come to me specifically for deep emotional support. If one of my friends is becoming emotional in my presence I'll usually hang back and wring my hands or pretend to be deeply involved in something else while other people take care of it. If I don't know the person, I may try to surreptitiously watch what's happening because I find the behavior interesting and different.

General ranting and raving is different; in fact I'll probably join in if I feel the same way. (I myself like to complain to my friends without necessarily expecting a solution, but I'm usually sarcastic or angry rather than genuinely upset.) But if I think the topic is unimportant I'll probably be irritated at the ranter for making so much unnecessary noise.

I also don't like it when people openly fret over me or express concern. It's weird because I like to imagine that people feel sorry for me or concerned when bad things happen to me (as opposed to viewing me with contempt or condemnation) but in most cases (excepting a select few) I feel sickened when people actually show their pity or concern for me. Even when I was very young, if I had a bad fall on the playground or something I would be sure to book it the hell out of there before some concerned parent could find me and ask if I was okay. A few times I even pretended not to have hurt myself simply to avoid the inevitable fretting.


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

It really depends. I am capable of strong empathy, and I understand why the emotional outburst happens. However, my reaction might range from apathy to dumbfounded to anger. Sometimes I don't care, sometimes someone will get emotional over something so petty that I can't believe it, and sometimes I just get angry that they're dragging me into something I don't want to be part of. That's internal though. Externally, I either listen or say something to the effect of, "I appreciate the situation you are in, but I am in the middle of something that I need to get back to."

For friends and family, none of the above is true. Mostly I just listen. If they are seeking a solution or analysis then I am good.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

meh; I can be quite emphatic. Except, I'm emphatic in my own peculiar way.

Weird; I'm rather good with emotional issues under the condition the emotions are justifiable for the situation. If you're stirring up drama and want someone to be miserable with, go elsewhere. If you want to have some tea and talk things over, come in. I used to be more open in the past; except, I have found people took advantage of the hospitality. Some people exist for the purpose of destroying your inner chi, not cool.

I don't always react emotionally like most people; don't expect me to be all sugary and sweet. I find it degrading being both on the giving and receiving end of cute; I hate seeing this and I refuse to dish it out. This sort of behaviour more appropriate with a lapdog. With a human it's insulting and insincere. I'll gladly spend time with you and talk, I'll let you cry and hold you. I might even cook you dinner; I cannot stand and will not do cutesy baby talk, double barf.

I guess if it's legit; sure.

edit: Occasionally, I might get lost in the realm of possibilities. This is true with regards to my dating life; I have a history in believing that a relationship has more potential then it really does. Maybe I should start talking to more SPs, or sensors in general about this.


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## Random Ness (Oct 13, 2010)

Despite being a feeler, I'm uncomfortable around open displays of negative emotion and try to leave or avoid such situations. I'm not the friend you go to about your problems because I don't want to hear about them.


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## Donkey D Kong (Feb 14, 2011)

I thought this said "otters emotions". I was about to say "Well, I'm not sure. If I was around a happy otter I'd probably stick around, but if it were pissed off at me I'd probably get the hell out of there and let it swim."


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## bearotter (Aug 10, 2012)

Very honestly, my response is generally a giant list of "If, then's" ... I have no trouble sympathizing, and this way, they take precisely what makes sense to them and if something doesn't make sense to them, they can ignore it {caveat, yes, I have my hunches that "something doesn't make sense to them" can be mis-assessed by the person assessing it, or not given adequate consideration}.

Part of the reason I take this approach is that, from experience, attempts at "conveying the brutal truth" can be repetitions of what is already known and ignoring a large dimension of why the problem exists in the first place. Of course, in taking my approach I avoid one problem and create another, which is that I rarely give any answer, until I force them to reason together with me -- until I see how they are thinking about the problem, I don't think I can assess their limitations, which would be key in understanding why they are in the situation they are, whether emotionally or otherwise.


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## Random Ness (Oct 13, 2010)

^ @Donkey D Kong @bearotter You guys planned that, didn't you? :shocked:


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## Donkey D Kong (Feb 14, 2011)

Random Ness said:


> ^ @Donkey D Kong @bearotter You guys planned that, didn't you? :shocked:


I've seen otter things than that!


(sorry for the pun)


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