# 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗪𝗮𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲�



## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

I voted never.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

Maybe within the week. It's a pretty frequent thought.


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## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

Hexigoon said:


> Maybe within the week. It's a pretty frequent thought.


I see, are you safe or not safe? 

Is there anything you are grateful for?


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

X10E8 said:


> I see, are you safe or not safe?
> 
> Is there anything you are grateful for?


I think so. 

Grateful, mmmm, well I'm grateful of my family and some occassional simple pleasures I find. I don't know.


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## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

Hexigoon said:


> I think so.
> 
> Grateful, mmmm, well I'm grateful of my family and some occassional simple pleasures I find. I don't know.


Will you be okay?

I'm here if you need me, dear one. 👩‍🦰


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

X10E8 said:


> Will you be okay?
> 
> I'm here if you need me, dear one. 👩‍🦰


Yeah.  Thank you though for your concern.


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## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

Hexigoon said:


> Yeah.  Thank you though for your concern.


Ooooo

Why do you want to kill yourself though, what's the reason???


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## ImminentThunder (May 15, 2011)

I think about it a lot. But, I don't think I will do it. We're all going to die at some point anyway. May as well see what happens until then. Besides, a heartbeat and lungs that breathe and eyes that see are an amazing thing. I will not throw that away.

However, having been depressed from a young age kind of hardwires your brain to automatically go "oh, something slightly bad happened?! Guess what we should do!!" At least in my case.

I have plenty of activities and things that make me happy for the time being, but it's the interim that makes me struggle. I was never a depressive that struggled to shower or exercise, or laugh or have energy, or show up to my activities and obligations. Instead it's those quiet moments in between, driving home alone, or when I'm the only one clocked in at work, or listening to music and coding as night falls, where my mind starts to take me on a little plunge. During these times I just try to focus on something else, like my personal projects. But, even so, I break down pretty regularly.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

X10E8 said:


> Ooooo
> 
> Why do you want to kill yourself though, what's the reason???


Well, I don't want to right now, but usually it's because I feel devoid of purpose or the ability to get out of my feelings of uselessness. I hate feeling like a parasite and a pointless loser who can't achieve my ideals. I also usually feel trapped - whether by my own weaknesses or by circumstances beyond my control - and I want to escape.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

Within the last 2 weeks.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

Now. Because f*** work and all this boring life. Bored.


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## L P (May 30, 2017)

I voted last 2 weeks, but if I committed suicide my grandmother would kill me.

I couldn't do something like that to her.


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

I've never thought about suicide, even when I was experiencing the worst of my general anxiety, and my case manager kept asking me during each session whether if _suicidal ideation_ had finally got to me, and I've accepted the dialogue into my mind. To me, it's stupid. Why should someone else's thought, who suffered greater hardship than me, become my own; just because 'suicide' is an phenomenon for people facing significant struggle, why should I let the knowledge of it existing infect my own mind? If the thought of suicide bothers me, why, when I'm feeling like crap should I once again seek out those thoughts? People don't get it. When they feel bad, they're reminded of bad things, and when they feel bad or off, thinking isn't optimal, but they would think and wallow in their own mess anyway, refraining from thinking about these hard questions when they're actually in a space of safety and comfort, for constructive dialogue. And just because you're reminded of something, doesn't mean it's a part of you, that it represents some truth, something to be guilty about. No, they don't really represent the truth but there is harm in keeping the topic of 'suicide' in one's internal discourse, and it maybe comes up when it's fused with self definition. Your negative experiences/these thoughts of the past shouldn't define you, but rather it's who you really are, the person who lives beyond it, despite of it.


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## monsuta2201 (10 mo ago)

X10E8 said:


> ��
> 
> 
> 
> ...





X10E8 said:


> Ooooo
> 
> Why do you want to kill yourself though, what's the reason???


I'm confused


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## Tsubaki (Apr 14, 2015)

Up until around early 2019, I sometimes genuinely considered it, because some of my psychological problems (stemming from a few terrible things that happened between 2014 and 2016) seemed so overwhelming at times that even the fact that my life has been "great" since 2017 didn't help me get out of that hole of despair. My mental state has since drastically improved and I've genuinely worked through the things that happened instead of permanently dissociating and repressing them. If I think about suicide nowadays, it's either because of dark humor or because I wonder how I could have ever considered something like that.

If I think back to that time, it's kind of weird, because now that I have what I would call "relatively normal emotions and a sense of self", it seems like I was just a puppet or empty shell back then. It's a difference of night and day. But one way in which this phase in my life might have actually brought about some positives is that now that I actually "feel myself" again, I really apprechiate being alive, don't dwell on the negative and view every day as a gift. (as cheesy as it sounds)


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## oldsinner123 (8 mo ago)

should of had one several times a day. pain patinet va doctor's think old people are addicts


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## monsuta2201 (10 mo ago)

Celtsincloset said:


> I've never thought about suicide, even when I was experiencing the worst of my general anxiety, and my case manager kept asking me during each session whether if _suicidal ideation_ had finally got to me, and I've accepted the dialogue into my mind. To me, it's stupid. Why should someone else's thought, who suffered greater hardship than me, become my own; just because 'suicide' is an phenomenon for people facing significant struggle, why should I let the knowledge of it existing infect my own mind? If the thought of suicide bothers me, why, when I'm feeling like crap should I once again seek out those thoughts? People don't get it. When they feel bad, they're reminded of bad things, and when they feel bad or off, thinking isn't optimal, but they would think and wallow in their own mess anyway, refraining from thinking about these hard questions when they're actually in a space of safety and comfort, for constructive dialogue. And just because you're reminded of something, doesn't mean it's a part of you, that it represents some truth, something to be guilty about. No, they don't really represent the truth but there is harm in keeping the topic of 'suicide' in one's internal discourse, and it maybe comes up when it's fused with self definition. Your negative experiences/these thoughts of the past shouldn't define you, but rather it's who you really are, the person who lives beyond it, despite of it.


Hi


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## dirt. (4 mo ago)

I was doing pretty well this summer, better than I have in a very long time. But this past month has been shit. I still don't think about it as much as I used to, but I'm in a bad place right now, and that old voice keeps popping up that says ¨All this could just stop, you know.¨, ¨You could decide to never ever feel this again, you could make it stop.¨.


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## fading_shadows (2 mo ago)

I passively think about it most days probably. As far as active planning haven't done that in years.


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