# Seriously confused about my personality: ISFJ or INFJ?



## irene91 (Aug 19, 2013)

I am a INFJ according to 16personalities.com and a ISFJ according to humanmetrics.com. I'm a bit confused about my personality type. I'm not sure whether if I am ISFJ, INFJ or other. I've done quite a few tests in the last year and I mostly seem to get ISFJ with 1% Sensing over Intuition, very rarely I get INFJ (but always with a really close result). Although I have tried different websites where the F/T and J/P have slightly varied getting results close to equal (50%) for either. One of the closest people I have in my life (if not the closest) is a INFJ who disagrees with the idea that our relationship/conversations/understanding is limited in the way many INFJs in this forum regard relationships with ISFJs.

I found this questioner that someone posted with the same issue that hopefully can help ... Although I doubt many will bother to read through but your opinion would be much appreciated. Btw, I'm not English so don't mind my spelling/expressions.


*1) *What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?


As i mentioned above I seem to be slightly stuck between S/N with 1% preference for S. But when I read the description of the ISFJ, which I have to admit is probably the most accurate, it still has important flaws. I do love helping others, seem to find it hard to say 'no' and like to believe the best in people. But I don't let people manipulate me, can easily spot someone's intentions and expect people to treat me with the same respect I give them.
I also have an amazing memory for all type of details and I am very aware that I notice more things than most people which makes me think I might be ISFJ.

*2)* What do you yearn for in life? Why?

I want to be happy while hurting the least possible people on the way. I want to love and be loved. I want stability but also want to challenge myself. I want to grow as a person both intellectually and emotionally. I would like to find somebody who understands me and things such as my need for solitude sometimes, who shares my values and believes, who is open minded, and who contributes to my personal growth. I yearn for achievement both personally and professionally.

*3)* Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.

I would have to say right now because I believe I am constantly growing as an individual, and that wouldn't come anywhere close to what I would call my 'finest'. I am constantly learning and improving and I believe there is still a long way to go before I get there. I do feel happiest however when I help others, when I achieve more than I believed I could and when I feel like I've learned something new that will help me improve myself.

*4)* What makes you feel inferior?

When someone gets to obvious conclusions and ideas that I hadn't considered before. Usually any person who's ideas and believes I strongly admire and agree with is someone I'm likely to feel inferior to intellectually/spiritually. When someone is more creative than me or comes up with something before me. When someone is more selfless and understanding, and less driven by the need for a logical explanation, I envy these traits because I sometimes see my excessive need for logic and rationality as a barrier when helping and understanding others.

*5)* What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)

I try to be objective, balance the pros and the cons, but also avoid taking decisions that can hurt people I care about. I rarely take a decision that doesn't go in line with my values and believes unless there is a very good reason to do so. I think of how that decision is going to affect others and myself and try to come up with the most reasonable, logical and satisfying solution.

*6)* When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? 

I tend to do work last minute and focus on covering more or less well the requirements, that involves following the rules to quite an extent. I don't know if this is a good example but with uni essays I always value more quality over quantity, I think that applies to pretty much every type of work I do. I often improvise and do not plan too much, but I like to research well the subject.

*7)* Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it? 

I have the most fun when I'm with people I care about and that are close to me. I can enjoy very social situations but often prefer being with a small group of people I trust and with who I'm comfortable with. This can involve any kind of activity (from chatting and sharing a meal to traveling or even things like skydiving) as long as it involves spending quality time with my loved ones. I tend to enjoy the simple things in life and appreciate the small details in my relationships with people. Also few things get me as happy as a good book.

*8)* When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc)

I tend to memorize things in a rather unconscious way, I don't need to read something more than 2/3 times to remember it and although I am great at remembering things in detail, I also understand the general meaning of it really easily, which has always worked in my favour during exams as it allows me to improvise and develop my thoughts on the subject without depending purely on details. I am also extremely driven by logical thinking and depending on my interest on the subject I might choose to research more in depth the possibilities.

*9)* How organized do you to think of yourself as?

It depends on what this is referring to, my room or workspace are an absolute mess, although I am convinced that I know exactly where everything is. When it comes to being organized when planning, I like to know what I'm doing in life and like to have my future planned out, but I tend to improvise a lot in the present.
*
10)* How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?

I try to understand the principles behind it and decide whether if they make sense to me, and afterwards look for information that supports it (if it's interesting enough), even though I'm very likely to have already made a decision about it. I tend to be quite skeptic of new ideas but I have ,nonetheless, opened myself more to them in recent years.

*11)* You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?

I would like to think it's more of the second but the truth is I take into consideration both aspects and try to balance them so that I can be comfortable with myself while feeling somewhat accepted by the people I value in my life. Although I think that if I was to be made to choose between being accepted and keeping people happy against being myself and sticking up for my believes, I know I would choose the latest. Maybe with the exception of for one person, but that person would never want me to do that.

*12)* Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?

This is a tricky one, I guess you could say I think before speaking, but I don't need much time to think, I tend to know quite instinctively what to say and how to say it, while understanding the consequences of my words. I definitely prefer one-on-one communication as I rarely get to say everything I want to in group discussions and depending on how well I know the people, shyness often takes over.

*13)* Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words?

I tend to like to know where I'm jumping and will only be willing to ignore this is I truly trust the person. Action always speaks more than words when proving feelings, although words matter too as not everything can be shown or understood through actions. I do really value words however, as it often gives me an insight into how people are and think that I cannot always grasp from physical observation.

*14)* It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?

I will want to stay home. If it is just a friend I will give them an excuse not to go. If it is a close friend I will tell them about the show, but might end up going if I believe it is important for them. The weird thing is, if it's someone I've only just met that I would like to get to know more, I might go more as a social obligation, to stop me from closing myself to meeting new people (I will only do this on punctual situations like if I'm new to a city/workplace/university).

*15)* How do you act when you're stressed out?

I usually get quite anxious and sometimes this ends up causing me health problems. I normally take time to analise my feelings before acting on them. I don't like conflict and usually avoid it, except in specific cases where I have little or no respect for the person, but then again I usually prefer to not give in and avoid arguing. I keep a lot of my feelings in which creates confusion when someone tries to understand why I am stressed out and these feelings can also build up. However, when it comes to work, I perform much better under pressure and being limited by a short deadline (which I often cause by leaving it til the end) helps boost my creativity and performance.

*16) *What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?

I don't like people who pretend to be something they are not, I can understand adapting yourself but not transforming yourself into something you're not. Very pretentious people stress me out, specially when there's nothing worth bragging about. I sadly also find it hard to feel an intellectual connection with people who struggle to understand things in a logical way and get easily frustrated when talking to them. I don't like spoiled and selfish people who don't value what they have and take advantage of others. I get annoyed when people don't do small but important actions to be polite and respect each other. I also dislike people who are extremely narcissistic and like being the constant centre of attention, but really admire those who are because they have earned it or are genuinely interesting. I don't empathise with people who are lazy when it comes to achieving their dreams and who believe things will happen without hard work. Oh, and the most important one, people who have no empathy for others, are cruel and only see things black or white. I guess the list is longer than I thought haha.

*17) *Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?

I like talking about common interests such as books or movies, about good memories and experiences, political and ethical opinions, cultural differences, etc.

*18) *What kind of things do you pay the least attention to in your life

Is it bad that my first thought on this is that everything has some degree of importance? All the things I'm thinking of are important to a certain extent, seriously, everything, even things I wish I didn't bother with such as appearance and pleasing others. It would be much easier to answer which things I pay more attention to. I don't usually take into account people's opinions on decisions that strictly affect me, unless I sincerely value that person's opinion, which is rare. I never pay attention to who's attracted to me, whether if I'm in a relationship or not. I don't pay attention to the money I spend on food, safety, basic needs, and gifts and limit instead my expenses on clothes, socialising and eccentricities. I'm not sure if I'm meant to mention things such as my interest in people's thoughts, opinions, feelings, myself, others, appearances, human rights, political movements, understanding human beings, art, even celebrities, because I honestly think all of that has a place in my mind and life.

*19)* How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? ? What would your friends never say about your personality ?

I think they all would agree that I am quiet (although not really with very close friends), shy, generous, a perfectionist, quite stubborn, easy going, overly realistic verging on pessimistic, that I am good at listening and understanding. I doubt many understand the complexity behind who I am and don't have many friends with who I could have insightful or deep conversations with, they are just lovely people who I trust and who's company I enjoy. I only know one person who truly understands my personality and she is a INFJ, although I have to admit I haven't tried to classify my friends' personalities yet, but I do know I don't have that connection with anyone else.
I think my friends would never say that I am selfish, unethical, unfair, unreasonable, or that I am easy to convince of something I don't believe in.


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## Mary Louisa (Aug 13, 2013)

irene91 said:


> *9)* How organized do you to think of yourself as?
> 
> It depends on what this is referring to, my room or workspace are an absolute mess, although I am convinced that I know exactly where everything is. When it comes to being organized when planning, I like to know what I'm doing in life and like to have my future planned out, but I tend to improvise a lot in the present.
> *
> ...


All this sounds like INFJ to me. Maybe you warmed up into it?  I think actually ISFJ's have trouble getting along with INFJ's in any deeper sense as they judge very different things, and quite strongly! The things that an ISFJ would take offence or become stubborn over are quite different to the INFJ. I think your stubbornness in general is more INFJ though. 

What is it about the INFJ descriptions that doesn't fit? Also, have you done the cognitive processes test - that might clear it up to you (Keys 2 Cognition) and look into the cognitive functions in general. You are looking to see if Ni or Si suits you best. 

Hope you can figure it! You sound cool ... and your English is AMAZING!!


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## irene91 (Aug 19, 2013)

I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post. According to the link you sent me I am indeed Ni but I still feel like I have a lot in common with Si. Most of the tests I have done have come up with 50/50 results which makes me think I must be somewhere in between.
I don't know if this will make sense but I feel like I think like a INFJ yet act like a ISFJ. I think my thought process is similar to INFJ but often gets blocked by my obsession with details that only ISFJs bother with. I act a lot like an ISFJ but always feel slightly uncomfortable doing so, if that makes any sense. Also the definition of both INFJ and ISFJ according to the link you mentioned both seem quite accurate and I would not be able to pick one over the other. Except maybe for the part where they mention that ISFJs get "exasperated when people ignore rules and don’t get along", I think that's slightly over the top. I am also somewhat confused by the bit that says ISFJs 'enjoy traditions', I mean, I guess I do but I don't mind breaking them. What makes me think I'm not INFJ is that I am not as outspoken with my ideas unless they directly conflict with others'. I usually stay quiet about my thoughts and rarely engage in deep conversations unless I feel like that person can contribute to my thoughts. Also, even though I am usually aware that I am doing this, my focus on details and facts can often distracted from deepening my thoughts.
I don't know if this is related but I am studying advertising/graphic design which I think also seems to fit both personalities quite well.

These are my results from the test:

*Cognitive Process**Level of Development (Preference, Skill and Frequency of Use)*extraverted Sensing (Se) *********************** (23.8)
limited useintroverted Sensing (Si) ************************ (24.9)
average useextraverted Intuiting (Ne) ************************************ (36.4)
excellent useintroverted Intuiting (Ni) ************************ (24.9)
average use


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## Mary Louisa (Aug 13, 2013)

Hi there - from what you've said above, and the test results, you are looking more like an INFP. Other things can affect our base personality so that we can look like another type in certain situations where we have been trained (by parents, life, or work) to be different. This is usually a good thing (it's not good to be a slave to your type!) but it's still good to know what's 'natural' for you, so as you don't exhaust or entirely crush yourself doing things that are less easy for you, and also so you can run with your strengths as much as possible. It is likely that your parents values (and your own) will affect your behaviour as well as your natural 'type', particularly if you have a Feeling preference since that means values (and possibly loyalty?) are heavily deciding factors for your belief and behaviour. 

Have you considered INFP? What were the scores on the other half of the test, I'd be interested to know!


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## irene91 (Aug 19, 2013)

Funnily enough they came up as INFP. I can't remember exactly the results but the J/P were pretty close. I didn't pay much attention to this as I have always got J results with the exception of one occasion (not this one), but I will look into it. Thank you


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## xTheCaramelQueenx (Jun 19, 2014)

Hi! I personally believe the 2 most accurate tests are 16 personalities, and Similar minds! You sound more INFJ to me, with a strong sensing. Just like me! Humannetrics always gives me INFP whereas I know forsure I am J, so don't always trust Humannetrics! Best of luck!


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## something987 (Jul 20, 2014)

You're definitely a Fe type, not Fi. Its really hard to tell. The one thing that stood out for me was that you get physical health problems when you are stressed - this sounds like a Si thing to me, which would mean ISFJ. Most of the other answers could really go either way, though. You mention some things about instinctively knowing or understanding, though - this points to Ni. Hm, very hard to tell indeed.


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## something987 (Jul 20, 2014)

Ok, I reread your answers and these are some excerpts that stood out

"I don't empathise with people who are lazy when it comes to achieving their dreams and who believe things will happen without hard work"

This is an S thing. No question. Not to say N doesn't value work ethic, but they would not think to mention it when describing their values.

"I don't pay attention to the money I spend on food, safety, basic needs, and gifts and limit instead my expenses on clothes, socialising and eccentricities."

This is Si, rather than Se.

In my opinion, you are ISFJ.


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