# Why do men flirt with married women?



## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

I have encountered this many times in the 4 years I've been married. Men I haven't seen in a few years, and didn't notice me before, suddenly we meet again and they learn I'm married and they start flirting. I don't get it. I find it utterly repulsive.

What do you think is behind this? What are the motives and/or desired out come?

Edit: are there people who actually WANT to and seek out having affairs?


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

I wonder if it has anything to do with the forbidden fruit syndrome. Some men also think its safe to flirt with married women apposed to single. I don't know for sure, married men who flirt with women are douche bags anyways, yuck. Super turn off for me that's for sure. I ignore them and turn my nose up in the air purposely to crush their ego.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

It always seems like a massive insult to my intelligence. Obviously they're not *really* attracted to me.


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> I wonder if it has anything to do with the forbidden fruit syndrome. Some men also think its safe to flirt with married women opposed to single.


These two reasons were on my list to propose, as well. Also, if a married woman was to have a fling, chances of it being "no strings attached" are fairly high because she is unlikely to discard her marriage to pursue the object of the affair. Also, finding myself single when I never expected to be (in terms of age/stage of life) it really does seem that many of the best are married. It could simply be an honest attraction. A happily married person is often glowing, confident, and attractive.

While I think the person hitting on the married person is particularly low/scum - the married person took vows and bears the weight of resisting temptation, unless the marriage has been agreed to being an open one, for all involved.


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

Khys said:


> I have encountered this many times in the 4 years I've been married. Men I haven't seen in a few years, and didn't notice me before, suddenly we meet again and they learn I'm married and they start flirting. I don't get it. I find it utterly repulsive.
> 
> *What do you think is behind this? What are the motives and/or desired out come?*
> 
> Edit: are there people who actually WANT to and seek out having affairs?


there has to be a substantial portion of people who cheat who indeed are like that, either to boost their ego or some sort of macho-istic resume, I don't fully understand the cheating phenomena, but I certainly don't buy most of the BS excuses and rationalizations people often make up to explain it.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

If the married woman actually cheats with him, he's got his ego boost for the next year


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

Thrill of the chase of something that's out of your reach.

Personally I'm far too respectful of people's relationships to do such a thing.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Zster said:


> These two reasons were on my list to propose, as well. Also, if a married woman was to have a fling, chances of it being "no strings attached" are fairly high because she is unlikely to discard her marriage to pursue the object of the affair. Also, finding myself single when I never expected to be (in terms of age/stage of life) it really does seem that many of the best are married. It could simply be an honest attraction. A happily married person is often glowing, confident, and attractive.
> 
> While I think the person hitting on the married person is particularly low/scum - the married person took vows and bears the weight of resisting temptation, unless the marriage has been agreed to being an open one, for all involved.


I never thought of it from that perspective but yes, so true. Married women who are happy and feel safe in a relationship likely do have an aura about them that resonates confidence and attractiveness or that glow you speak of.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

I've gotta agree with what people have said here mostly, while also boiling it down to three C's: challenge, chase and conquest.

As for whether or not some people actually want to cheat? I don't want to point fingers, but cheating seems (at least via anecdotal evidence) to be rife in certain communities.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

lots of men are pussy bandits, what can I say


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> lots of men are pussy bandits, what can I say


Thanks you just gave me a mental image of a man with a mustache and an eye mask sneaking into a bedroom and stealing a pussy.


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## kristle (Oct 21, 2010)

I have experienced this as well, and I find it highly annoying. If I wasn't good enough to turn their eye before I got married, they're blatantly just trying to use me to get a piece now that I am taken and there's no risk of a relationship. It's insulting that they think I'm that cheap.

I've pretty much just chalked it up to sex is so easy to get now that men have to pursue married woman if they want any sort of challenge for their lay.

But I'm not a guy hitting on a married woman so honestly I don't have a clue why it's done.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Less pressure, so easier to be natural and get positive feedback from someone that would be quite a challenge were there more pressure.

Its kind of like an imagination game. Oh, and then there is the taboo forbidden sweet. Which is a bad thing.

When people lack honor or class, I forgive them for their ignorance.


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## DarkWarrior (Sep 21, 2011)

Well the only married woman I'd ever hit on is one that is going through a divorce...

Some do it to be kind, make her happy should she be feeling down.

Though majority just do it because they want sex and have some ego that they want to prove they are better than the Husband.


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## snapdragons (Feb 1, 2011)

I can only offer my own perspective here, but a guy who I used to be friends with had feelings for me that I could not reciprocate. I had NO idea he thought of me that way, and I believed we were just friends but clearly it wasn't like that. I talked to other people about it and they think it was because I was a challenge-- I had my boundaries and when he'd try to break them either through talking about certain topics or saying certain statements to me, I'd remind him of them. A friend of mine told me that he found me interesting and I had qualities that he wanted in a woman, but he seemed to have also forgotten that I am married. 

I would think that flirting with a married woman would be like trying to indulge in something you can't fully consummate, such as eyeing a dessert. I'd rather just scarf the darn thing down than look at it or admire the design or whatever. But I am not a guy.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

There are probably too many reasons to name.

One could be that when you're married, you stop trying and act more like your true self.
Which, shockingly, is attractive.


Another reason is because some people get off on knowing they're sleeping with someone else's spouse.


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## Arclight (Feb 10, 2010)

Just the other side of things.. I used to call my wedding ring "my babe magnet" .. and jokingly tell men who struggle to find dates that putting a ring on that finger will have them coming out of the woodwork.


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## snapdragons (Feb 1, 2011)

Whoa dude, we're just talking about flirting...what are you talking about? LOL


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Most of the time, i am never told that they are married, until after getting them into the sack. My friends who are married or even with a SO I keep at arms length. Although one friend of mine said if he passed, then i am given free reign to pound his wife till the cows come home. Just the messenger.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

I know nothing about anything that's existed. But I do think soon as people get into a relationship at any stage people tend to take notice of a people in the relationship. I guess once one person has come to a mutual selection of another for a relationship it would mean they have something to offer. If someones married you would assume they got some great qualities about them for someone to make such a commitment.

Then there's the whole fun, some people enjoy a bit of flirting. Some women do fall prey to such a man. Usually when things aren't so picture perfect in her relationship I would assume. Been given the advice find a nice girl who's pretty but not too pretty because there'll always be men waiting to take her off your hands and she may well let them when things aren't okay.

Guess there's a lot of people who aren't morally sound either. I've been around guys who fulfill the poor stereotype of masculinity and talk about girls in a very poor way and don't have one inkling of guilt for the way they treat them. They wouldn't feel bad sleeping with someones girlfriend. If their girl slept around they'd call her a slut and then try it on with other girls if they even got as far as holding a girlfriend for a while.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

I got a surprising amount of attention when I was married as well, so it's not just men doing this (though I did get hit on by men). I think the other posters in this thread have already presented the reasons I would suggest.


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## Dashing (Sep 19, 2011)

Because it works, sometimes?


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

Flirting doesn't need to be so serious. It doesn't have to lead to anything. It's fun. Flirtatious banter with someone who is not available (or you're not available) or is of a mismatched sex/sexual orientation is easier because there is no misunderstanding of your intentions. For this reason I sometimes rather flirt with people with whom there is no possibility of it leading to anything.


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

Khys said:


> I have encountered this many times in the 4 years I've been married. Men I haven't seen in a few years, and didn't notice me before, suddenly we meet again and they learn I'm married and they start flirting. I don't get it. I find it utterly repulsive.
> 
> What do you think is behind this? What are the motives and/or desired out come?
> 
> Edit: are there people who actually WANT to and seek out having affairs?


My two cents: I don't know, I don't do it, but in my personal experience, I've seen married women flirting *AND giving the wrong signals*. I'm intj so I'm not so good at picking the flirts, but some married women have shared with me not only secrets but also comments that talk negative stuff of their partners. Some even sound like "he doesn't know how to make me.... [whatever]" and yes, sometimes it seems like a call for help, or the classic "what would you do?".... and sometimes like an invitation.

So I guess:

1. Some men flirt with married women
2. Some flirt (like a reaction) to the flirts from them (women)
3. Some confuse the signals and complains, and wrongly flirt back to them

4. Hey... regarding the ambiguity of women attitudes... who really knows. I mean, several confess the need to feel that others have some desire towards them... but are not interested on engaging a new relationship, so I don't know why they act like that. Example? way sexy clothes, and then complaining about comments, tight shoes, and then complaining about the pain, unconfortable dress, but they use it anyway... so I don't really know....


Just opinions, not saying you seem like those cases.


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## NotedBook300 (Sep 24, 2011)

I've flirted with married women on accident. In trying to not be accused of having wandering eyes, I try to keep my gaze at the neck up, and I often miss noticing things like wedding rings. I wouldn't stop if they flirt back. Flirtatiousness is just a part of some people's personality, and they're enjoying themselves, but I would never let it (or provoke it to) escalate, and I wouldn't flirt with a women I knew from the start is married.


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