# Socionics Conversation Styles



## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

So the other day a woman came up to me and engaged me in a conversation. She would give a short monologue, then go silent while maintaining eye contact, as if expecting me to talk. So I tried to talk, but struggled because I'm poor at expressing my thoughts in monologues. While I was talking she continued to listen and stare in silence, which didn't make it any easier for me to express myself. So anyways, she had this sort of turn-based monologue style of conversation which I found extremely uncomfortable.

In contrast, I've noticed one of my teachers has a very different style of conversation. Basically, I mention an insight I had, and she immediately understands what I mean and starts talking enthusiastically, elaborating on the point and expressing agreement. This is much more easy and comfortable for me, because she does most of the talking for me so I don't have to struggle to explain my thoughts, and it feels very validating. 

I don't know what types those people were, but I wonder if different types or quadras have specific styles of conversation they tend toward. Has anyone noticed any trends or correlations between type or quadra and preferred conversation style?


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## Mizmar (Aug 12, 2009)

Silveresque said:


> In contrast, I've noticed one of my teachers has a very different style of conversation. Basically, I mention an insight I had, and she immediately understands what I mean and starts talking enthusiastically, elaborating on the point and expressing agreement. This is much more easy and comfortable for me, because she does most of the talking for me so I don't have to struggle to explain my thoughts, and it feels very validating.


I like those kinds of people too, and for exactly the same reasons you mentioned. It feels smoother and more validating.

I'm more like the person you mentioned in the first paragraph. When it comes to verbal communication, I'm a minimalist, less-is-more kind of guy (I would immediately cut back on the eye contact, though, if I felt the other person was uncomfortable with it). That's one of the reasons I enjoy being with people like your teacher -- they do most of the talking for me.

I'm guessing people like your teacher are EXFXs in Keirsy's system. I don't use the quadra system myself.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

My preference would be say everything I have to say at once so that I can get to everything without being interrupted. In other words a monologue. Most of the time I just choose not to contribute much.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Silveresque said:


> So the other day a woman came up to me and engaged me in a conversation. She would give a short monologue, then go silent while maintaining eye contact, as if expecting me to talk. So I tried to talk, but struggled because I'm poor at expressing my thoughts in monologues. While I was talking she continued to listen and stare in silence, which didn't make it any easier for me to express myself. So anyways, she had this sort of turn-based monologue style of conversation which I found extremely uncomfortable.
> 
> In contrast, I've noticed one of my teachers has a very different style of conversation. Basically, I mention an insight I had, and she immediately understands what I mean and starts talking enthusiastically, elaborating on the point and expressing agreement. This is much more easy and comfortable for me, because she does most of the talking for me so I don't have to struggle to explain my thoughts, and it feels very validating.
> 
> I don't know what types those people were, but I wonder if different types or quadras have specific styles of conversation they tend toward. Has anyone noticed any trends or correlations between type or quadra and preferred conversation style?


This is subtype influenced in my experience. The "contact" or creative function subtypes exchange a lot of back-and-forth short comments. The "inert" or leading function subtypes monologue to each other. It's more comfortable of course to interact with people of the same subtype. When one person is of contact subtype and another is of leading function subtype, the their exchange is much more awkward. The "contacting" person doesn't get enough of the enlivening rapid fire back-and-forth exchange, while the "inert" person thinks that what the "contact" person says lacks in substance and sounds like empty prattle.

This isn't always the case, I've met people with "inert" subtype who will exchange many short comments but even then what they say sounds somehow insular and detached from the main conversation -- they would be stating or affirming their own opinion in these comments and continuing their own line of thought rather than responding to whomever they are conversing with and adding something to the mutual conversation. This is because creative function "creates" something in the exchange to put it out there into the environment, and those who are of "inert" or leading function subtype have weakened creative function -- they will state what they think or what they know, but they have trouble spontaneously inventing something in conversation (it was covered in this -- http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/260-Accepting-Producing-Characteristic-of-Functions -- first function is accepting and second one is producing).


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

cyamitide said:


> This is subtype influenced in my experience. The "contact" or creative function subtypes exchange a lot of back-and-forth short comments. The "inert" or leading function subtypes monologue to each other. It's more comfortable of course to interact with people of the same subtype. When one person is of contact subtype and another is of leading function subtype, the their exchange is much more awkward. The "contacting" person doesn't get enough of the enlivening rapid fire back-and-forth exchange, while the "inert" person thinks that what the "contact" person says lacks in substance and sounds like empty prattle.
> 
> This isn't always the case, I've met people with "inert" subtype who will exchange many short comments but even then what they say sounds somehow insular and detached from the main conversation -- they would be stating or affirming their own opinion in these comments and continuing their own line of thought rather than responding to whomever they are conversing with and adding something to the mutual conversation. This is because creative function "creates" something in the exchange to put it out there into the environment, and those who are of "inert" or leading function subtype have weakened creative function -- they will state what they think or what they know, but they have trouble spontaneously inventing something in conversation (it was covered in this -- Socionics - the16types.info - Accepting-Producing Characteristic of Functions -- first function is accepting and second one is producing).


Hmm, I'm an inert subtype though, and I hate that monologue style, both in spoken and written communication. (For example, I also dislike back-and-forth emails or PMs and strongly prefer instant messaging which creates a dialogue.) I would prefer to interact with someone who does most of the talking, and maybe even asks questions occasionally to make it easier for me to talk. I'm pretty bad at talking because I often can't think of anything to say or talk about.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

cyamitide said:


> This is subtype influenced in my experience. The "contact" or creative function subtypes exchange a lot of back-and-forth short comments. The "inert" or leading function subtypes monologue to each other. It's more comfortable of course to interact with people of the same subtype. When one person is of contact subtype and another is of leading function subtype, the their exchange is much more awkward. The "contacting" person doesn't get enough of the enlivening rapid fire back-and-forth exchange, while the "inert" person thinks that what the "contact" person says lacks in substance and sounds like empty prattle.


Yes, I have experienced this. I notice that two inert types can talk aside each other focusing more on their own respective monologues though. I also wonder how asking/declaring affects this since declarers are more likely to innately monologue.

I also think the OP may relate more to quadra similarities and differences and the whole "getting" someone else so conversation feels more fluid. 

Gulenko has also come up with a theory about communication styles (what has he not made a theory about?), but I looked at it and it seemed a little meh.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Agreed, this could be asking/declaring trait. Couple days ago I was in a conversation with 6 other people who were all of Declaring types and it felt like they were all monologuing to each other. One of them would assert something, then the next person would state something of their own, then the third person affirmed something of their own. That conversation was rather dysfunctional, like it was too stuffy and lacking some kind of "glue" to keep it together


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

cyamitide said:


> Agreed, this could be asking/declaring trait. Couple days ago I was in a conversation with 6 other people who were all of Declaring types and it felt like they were all monologuing to each other. One of them would assert something, then the next person would state something of their own, then the third person affirmed something of their own. That conversation was rather dysfunctional, like it was too stuffy and lacking some kind of "glue" to keep it together


lmao. Yes, @Amaterasu sometimes asks me why I am talking to myself.


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## Psithurism (Jun 19, 2013)

cyamitide said:


> That conversation was rather dysfunctional, like it was too stuffy and lacking some kind of "glue" to keep it together


I find it refreshing in a sense. I enjoy the ''flow'' of it. Although it can sometimes be a hassle to re-read what I missed while I was doing the ''declaring'' as well. I think this appears even more obvious when chatting, because both people can sometimes type at the same time, both focusing on ''declaring'' their point of view initially.

But I've noticed this dynamic way before I knew about socionics (or even MBTI). When I started talking to my IEE friend, it was basically two monologues from each side, a pause to digest what the other is saying, then a bit of ''I see'', ''that makes sense'' or ''yea'' and then back to the monologues. I even remarked this to him and he agreed with amusement it was peculiar. I guess that's how Declaring types initially interact until they get to know each other more.


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## tangosthenes (Oct 29, 2011)

I tend to say short comments that I hope will spark thoughts in the other person. So it's like this, it's that I say one thing that is highly suggestive and it carries until the fuel of the topic is exhausted. It makes for easy conversations if the person is curious. Falls on deaf ears if not...

People with Fi in a weaker position, I've noticed, will be more like the declaring types, the inert types, where they participate in conversations by having a conversation with you in parallel of what you've already said. But it doesn't intersect, so sometimes their comments just don't suggest the need for a reply. It's odd...

If I'm going out on a limb about something I don't really care about, then my conversation will produce this same effect. I can tell if what I'm going to say is a dead end or not, and if it is, I try to finagle it into something open-ended. My failures of flow usually come here. If I can't finagle it right, the topic gets dropped and the other person has to think of something else to say.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

I've used both styles of communication, I think. Mostly, I'm pretty enthusiastic and a bit of an interrupter, which is something I'm painfully aware of, and try to give more ground if I think I'm being a bit too dominant.

The best conversations are usually light-hearted, maybe even a bit silly, with neither party worrying about interrupting the other and just taking turns in an almost disjointed flow. Finishing each other's sentences, making references, making jokes, and even lighthearted teasing. 

I love it when I pick up this easygoing attitude from the other person-- I can let my guard down and just be myself.


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