# Is Sx-Sx pairing super sexy, or just insane?



## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

AnneM said:


> So it ends as quickly as it starts? That sounds like a blessing. Nothing worse than a relationship dying a slow death. Maybe that's an SP thing.


Slow death might be an So or Sp thing ... Mine did last a lot longer than it should have, but it was mainly because of our culture and also because of our own conflicting desires because like the video I posted relates, when it's good, it's amazing and sometimes when there's a little bit of "amazing" in a relationship, the "terrible" doesn't seem all that bad.

Edit: I would definitely not characterize even that 6-8 year long relationship a slow death. It was dragging on with a lot of great moments even up until the last moment, but it did come to an abrupt end. I wouldn't even say that we were always unhappy or always happy. It was just a rolloercoaster throughout and then the rollercoaster finally crashed one day :shrug:


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

It's gud. I'm sx/so and the wifey is sx/sp and we tend to activate one another's second instinct when we can't be wholly intimate with one another and that at times also leads to activating the blind instinct, which is usually a bad idea because I'm not good with sp crap and the wife becomes kind of mean when forced to so. :laughing:

All in all, it's pretty good. Not super sexy or insane but there's a lot of shared intimacy and mutual understanding of our needs and desires without stating so. Also, I'd say we probably have a lot more sex and enjoy sex a lot more than non sx/sx couples. :wink:


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Ah, major downsides to an sx/sx relationship? People hate on you, are envious, want to see your relationship fail, etc. Basically others who aren't you and your significant other. I'd say that's likely the same for same instinct pairings, sp/sp and so/so pairings. So if you can't handle others trying to butt in to your life and relationship or have friends who are annoying meddlesome, then a same instinct relationship isn't for you.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Kelly Kapowski said:


> Huh, I wonder where it comes from, if there's a way to change that need? Or convince yourself you're satisfied? I'm guessing you've already explored that. It would maybe be even worse being aware of it but not be able to really do anything to change it, it's just innate


Oh, there's a way to change it, alright. I can just stop doing things for other people altogether. That seems like the most foolproof option. I take care of my responsibilities to my husband and children, but everybody else is off my list. I went a little 2-nutz on PerC at first, but I've overcorrected into just being mean. Frankly, I'd rather be mean. 



> I'm curious now. I'll have to dig it up because it would be fun to guess the weakest ones too


That is your homework assignment! I know you have nothing else to do with 4 kids and all.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Ah, major downsides to an sx/sx relationship? People hate on you, are envious, want to see your relationship fail, etc. Basically others who aren't you and your significant other. I'd say that's likely the same for same instinct pairings, sp/sp and so/so pairings. So if you can't handle others trying to butt in to your life and relationship or have friends who are annoying meddlesome, then a same instinct relationship isn't for you.


That's a super interesting observation. So, like an Us against The World situation? That is kind of how I picture it.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

AnneM said:


> That's a super interesting observation. So, like an Us against The World situation? That is kind of how I picture it.


In some ways yes, but for the most part, no, it's just having to deal with petty people behavior. In my personal experience, I'd say it's more of a "grass is always greener" and "misery loves company, so why don't I make you my friend" type deal. With an so/so couple, I could see people wanting to split a couple who are a pillar of the community, are Mr and Mrs Perfect, etc and with sp/sp couples, people being jealous or hating on the materialism, or jealous of their conventional success, etc and thus wanting to see them break up.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

Don't think I've even had an sx first bf. 

But I'd definitely give it go - I'm thinking it may be exactly what I need.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@Jawz That video was a major turn-on for me, especially the violent parts. :laughing: See, I want _that_, but with a very spiritual man. I want a very holy man to punch a wall, barely missing my head. Is that so much to ask. 

Sigh. 

See, this is why I have my sights set on Lucifer. He's the only One who can do this for me. First, I just have to remind him that he was holy once. That's what's going to make him so angry.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Aridela said:


> Don't think I've even had an sx first bf.
> 
> But I'd definitely give it go - I'm thinking it may be exactly what I need.


I would rate sx/sx couples a Would Recommend* but *With potentially difficult caveats. :tongue:


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@Jawz I think this song is supposed to be about Big Brother Government, maybe, but it's my Sx Love Theme Song:


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Ah, major downsides to an sx/sx relationship? *People hate on you, are envious, want to see your relationship fail, etc. Basically others who aren't you and your significant other. *I'd say that's likely the same for same instinct pairings, sp/sp and so/so pairings. So if you can't handle others trying to butt in to your life and relationship or have friends who are annoying meddlesome, then a same instinct relationship isn't for you.


We definitely experienced this, but this tends to happen with almost all Sx-dom relationships (even with other types). 

I have faced this with my current wife as well (who is an Sp-dom), but it is a *lot* more muted with her than it had been with my Sx-ex because my wife's Sp instinct is almost over-powering in terms of creating protective boundaries around the relationship itself. She does not let it get exposed to people (like you know how some people just gossip about their lover .. well, she doesn't), nor lets anyone into the relationship itself and honestly that covers for my lack of Sp in that area. 

I personally never realized it until it was too late and the meddlers were able to drive wedges in certain key areas during my first marriage. But it was a learning experience for me. 

A lot of wrongs I committed in my first relationship weren't repeated in my second. It just made us even stronger.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Jawz said:


> We definitely experienced this, but this tends to happen with almost all Sx-dom relationships (even with other types).
> 
> I have faced this with my current wife as well (who is an Sp-dom), but it is a *lot* more muted with her than it had been with my Sx-ex because my wife's Sp instinct is almost over-powering in terms of creating protective boundaries around the relationship itself. She does not let it get exposed and covers for my lack of Sp in that area.
> 
> ...


Ah, I see. Then yeah, sx/sx would be even more difficult when it comes to outsiders trying to drive a wedge between the two of you. Because at times, that happens a lot between my wife and I. That's why we tend to just keep a low profile and not broadcast our relationship with strangers or with people neither of us can trust.

Yeah, I think in terms of endurance, sx+sp is probably the tightest in terms of not failing. I find that Sp firsts tend to be... well in my opinion, overprotective of their spouse, so she probably won't fall for some of the same things as with your sx-ex.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

AnneM said:


> @*Jawz* That video was a major turn-on for me, especially the violent parts. :laughing: See, I want _that_, but with a very spiritual man. I want a very holy man to punch a wall, barely missing my head. Is that so much to ask.


No ... it's not .. I have to admit that the violence (both emotional and sometimes physical though never ever directed at her or in her presence) was ... something I hated, but craved at times. The desire to have a fight, argument .. anything to *feel alive* was something I lusted after with reckless abandon. 

I have to admit that there was a violent religious man inside me that I buried 9 years ago. I think I went from being *pure* unretrained sexual energy to a more muted, guarded, protective version of myself which I personally prefer. 

I don't really miss the old me tbh. The passion, fire is now more laser focused and directed instead of wild sexual energy going in all directions like a supernova and I much prefer that


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Yeah, I think in terms of endurance, sx+sp is probably the tightest in terms of not failing. I find that Sp firsts tend to be... well in my opinion, overprotective of their spouse, *so she probably won't fall for some of the same things as with your sx-ex.*


Yup. Sp-firsts are very sure in their choice of mate because I believe they analyse a romantic relationship or potential of one with you as *part *of their overall view of life and the future.

Yah, I've come to appreciate the security focus of the Sp instinct. I have none of that. My Sx says "Baby, I'll live with you and be with you even if you and I ain't got nothing in the world but you and I". She just looks at me like "wtf you saying" like what I just said is sacrilegious to her Sp need for comforts and security.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Jawz said:


> Yup. Sp-firsts are very sure in their choice of mate because I believe they analyse a romantic relationship or potential of one with you as *part *of their overall view of life and the future.
> 
> Yah, I've come to appreciate the security focus of the Sp instinct. I have none of that. My Sx says "Baby, I'll live with you and be with you even if you and I ain't got nothing in the world but you and I". She just looks at me like "wtf you saying" like what I just said is sacrilegious to her Sp need for comforts and security.


Wow. Thanks for articulating this. That's my Sp husband to a tee.


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## Dare (Nov 8, 2016)

I'm in a sx + sx LTR. Too early to tell whether this ends in jail, death or worse (think house in suburbia where we talk about sensible things).






Upside: intimacy, natural high, effortlessness (same values/understandings/relationship language effectively). The downside is also the upside: energy bouncing between two sx can spiral out of control, especially when addictive (she says with a smile  and play > safety when you're into the rush of feeling alive. 






Then again, I'm sx/sp so I _try_ to be normal 

I would never date a non sx dominant. Not just bc I can't live without the sx + sx connection/energy/effortlessness but also for their sake -- it would be unfair to hand my energy/intimacy/sexual/work-on-relationship-to-keep-it-ideal needs to someone who doesn't value or perhaps even understand it. A little insane (and sexy) is what I need.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

AnneM said:


> @Jawz That video was a major turn-on for me, especially the violent parts. :laughing: See, I want _that_, but with a very spiritual man. I want a very holy man to punch a wall, barely missing my head. Is that so much to ask.
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> See, this is why I have my sights set on Lucifer. He's the only One who can do this for me. First, I just have to remind him that he was holy once. That's what's going to make him so angry.


I'm willing to share.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Jawz said:


> Yup. Sp-firsts are very sure in their choice of mate because I believe they analyse a romantic relationship or potential of one with you as *part *of their overall view of life and the future.
> 
> Yah, I've come to appreciate the security focus of the Sp instinct. I have none of that. My Sx says "Baby, I'll live with you and be with you even if you and I ain't got nothing in the world but you and I". She just looks at me like "wtf you saying" like what I just said is sacrilegious to her Sp need for comforts and security.


Yup, that's very Sp. Also, I think that Sp's tend to not want to fail at a relationship because Sps tend to view relationships as being vital to survival and self-preservation. 

Heh, maybe. Although I think that would have more to do with the actual E-type and MBTI than instinct. My wife and I are both... bold but also practical in our own way. There's just no crazy or insanity, despite popular opinion. :wink:


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

So....I'd never really delved too deeply into variants. It was obvious to me that I'm Sx Dom, and I always just assumed So was secondary (only because I didn't know anything about it, apparently). Found an excellent comparison today, however, that made it clear I am Sx-Sp, not Sx-So. And I realize my husband must be Sp-Sx. So, I guess we're both So-blind, which explains why we hardly ever leave our house and rarely see our friends!

https://www.facebook.com/notes/muhammad-ashraf-bin-minhaj/enneagram-instinctual-variants-sxsp-sxso/566076666743300/


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

God/The Universe/Whatever gave me a little treat yesterday. After writing all that about wanting to be physically abused by a very holy man.....my wish came true! With my husband! It was great. 

He had gotten quite worked up about a friend of ours, an ENFJ out-of-control-conspiracy-nut, and I suppose his level of fatigue after a long work week let loose his 9w8 pent-up rage. Anyway, I said something like, "Say you're 100% sure! 99% is not good enough." He suddenly shouted, "WOMAN! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 100% IN THIS WORLD! I SAID 99% AND THAT'S WHAT I MEANT!" And he kind of swung his 5 gallon stainless steel water bottle at my head. I got up and said, "Well, I'm going. I have work to do." He was sitting down, and he grabbed me as I walked behind him, pulled me over his shoulder, and put me in an _intense_ headlock which he held for about 30 seconds (I think maybe he bruised one of my ribs). 

Then I burst out laughing, and he relaxed. I said, "You probably just saved our marriage. Keep it up." (All of this took place in my mom's kitchen while she smiled nervously.) 

Later that night, as we were going to sleep, he said about the situation with our friend, "You know, I've thought about it, and I don't think I'm going to confront him. It's just my ego." 

And I realized: Holy shit! I'm already married to my insane, violent holy man! How cool is that!


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Wait just a cotton picking minute! I asked you for an opinion on my natal chart and you sent me packing to some website! I could be the anti-christ for all you know!
> :exterminate:


:laughing: Look at what a fuss he was making. You never made a weird fuss like that about Destiny!


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

nablur said:


> or kill him
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Now, look here, I never said you might be the _Christ!_ That there's territory in which I won't tread. 

P.S. What's HHMF? Happy High Maintenance Female?


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## nablur (Mar 9, 2017)

AnneM said:


> Now, look here, I never said you might be the _Christ!_ That there's territory in which I won't tread.
> 
> P.S. What's HHMF? Happy High Maintenance Female?


definitely not christ, no question. 

HHMF is a sound people make when they turn their nose up and their head sideways, maybe a frown. HHMF!


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

nablur said:


> definitely not christ, no question.


Phew. 



> HHMF is a sound people make when they turn their nose up and their head sideways, maybe a frown. HHMF!


Well, you made it look like an acronym. Like, if I wrote "namsayn" as "NAMSAYN." Namsayn? I would spell it "hmmph."


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

I really think nothing makes me happier than derailing my own threads...


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## nablur (Mar 9, 2017)

AnneM said:


> Phew.


pew pew





AnneM said:


> Well, you made it look like an acronym. Like, if I wrote "namsayn" as "NAMSAYN." Namsayn? I would spell it "hmmph."


HHMF!! 

NAHMSAYIN!! 

YADDIDAMEAN!!?


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

AnneM said:


> :laughing: Look at what a fuss he was making. You never made a weird fuss like that about Destiny!


No fate but what we make! :tongue:


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

tanstaafl28 said:


> No fate but what we make! :tongue:


Your destiny is pre-written. Your only free will is in accepting it, or stopping short. 

Lots of destiny abortions walking around on two legs. 

We're just stories. A human being is a story. A story doesn't write itself. But it could tell itself.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Sorry 'bout that.


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## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Do you recommend one in particular? Link?


Hi Tanstaa! I can't remember the name of the one I took, I just remember it cost money & I had to take that one. I will try to dig it up! I imagine there's some decent free ones out there you could try just for fun. :smile:


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

AnneM said:


> Your destiny is pre-written. Your only free will is in accepting it, or stopping short.
> 
> Lots of destiny abortions walking around on two legs.
> 
> We're just stories. A human being is a story. A story doesn't write itself. But it could tell itself.


Oh, I beg to differ. We make our destinies as we go. Some things are out of our control, but not all things. Our stories are being written one page at a time. We are all in the River of Life. We are moving along with the current, we can't fight it completely, but we do have a lot of room to maneuver.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Oh, I beg to differ. We make our destinies as we go. Some things are out of our control, but not all things. Our stories are being written one page at a time. We are all in the River of Life. We are moving along with the current, we can't fight it completely, but we do have a lot of room to maneuver.


I don't think you're "differing." I think we're saying the same thing. What I call Destiny _is_ the River of Life. Of course there's room to maneuver. You can swim upstream, downstream, float, etc. You can also get out and sit on the bank like a soggy loser.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

I do not know

I suspect burn out too soon


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## Inis Mona (Sep 22, 2016)

I think that sx-sx pairings can be very fulfilling and healthy as long as the two people are mature enough. As for myself, I’m married to an SP/SX, and I quite like it. There’s a quiet intensity once we get into the groove of things. There’s a lot of stability that I think an SX man might not offer in his late twenties.

I think being with an SX dom man would just be too unstable for my taste. Maybe that’s because I’ve had a few traumatic experiences with men showing intense interest, then pulling away. (I think they were SX dom.) So I either consciously or subconsciously wanted a stable partner. Fighting and getting irritated with someone really stresses me out, however, I think because my home environment was a bit unstable growing up with all the fighting that went on.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@Inis Mona I could totally have written that whole post. My husband is the same, and I've started thinking I prefer that order, Sp first. We get intense, and then we just go back to being boring nerds. Repeat, repeat.


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## SirCanSir (Mar 21, 2018)

Well we all know that being Sx- dom means being sexier and having higher libido. 

Top tier couple right here.


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## Xool Xecutioner (Jul 8, 2018)

I'd expect hot sex between two sx doms.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

I like my women Sp now but men Sx. 

Sx males are hawt and they bring a lot of passion into my life which is fun.

All about that Bromance life.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Jawz said:


> Sx males are hawt and they bring a lot of passion into my life which is fun.
> 
> All about that Bromance life.


Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

I ended up marrying an SP-first after multiple failed sx-sx attempts :laughing:

It was pretty much just as described (hot, passionate and fiery, etc, etc) - but then ultimately, crash and burn 

I don't think this was _just_ due to the sx-sx intensity - the biggest obstacles were by far attachment issues and general unresolved stuff from childhood/life. The drive to merge and become "one" with the object of desire in Sx seems pretty strong, and is perhaps what fuels the more addictive qualities of this energy. In romantic relationships that's going to get messy pretty quick if you're dealing with two people that are primarily driven by unconscious patterns (defence mechanisms, complexes, fixations, etc). 

My guess is that the relationship has a better chance of success if one partner is more conscious than the other. As with all relationships, two self-actualised individuals are generally going to have a smoother ride than otherwise (and completely losing "self" in other is a genuine risk when there are porous boundaries). Perhaps Sx-first is more likely to find it harder to navigate certain aspects of the natural cycles of relations, such as the transition from intense and creative "dancing" together to slowing down, coming apart and periods of "rest"/integration (or some might say the cycles of Life/Death). From my own experience, Sx thrives in the more fiery and passionate periods of the cycles, hah. There could be a tendency to cling to this, or forcibly try and keep the energy at this level of intensity forever (which I doubt is possible, you'd probably end up dead xD). 

But yes, it's pretty hawt :kitteh:


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@Kintsugi Great contribution to this thread! Thank you so much!


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## Monadnock (May 27, 2017)

This thread makes me want to flirt. 
I mean, I usually feel that way anyways, SX being what it is, but especially so after looking in here. :blushed:


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Monadnock said:


> This thread makes me want to flirt.
> I mean, I usually feel that way anyways, SX being what it is, but especially so after looking in here. :blushed:


You've come to the riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight place!


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## Monadnock (May 27, 2017)

AnneM said:


> View attachment 831829


"Wine was invented by the Romans. For orgies. And orgies are not too much fun if no one wants to do it with you." -Dr. Steve Brule


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Monadnock said:


> "Wine was invented by the Romans. For orgies. And orgies are not too much fun if no one wants to do it with you." -Dr. Steve Brule


You are the *only* person so far in 4 freakin' months who has taken my Steve Brule bait!!!! Oh, _now_ you have a grade of 105.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)




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## Euclid (Mar 20, 2014)

why the stars just keep aligning


* *


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