# NTs and mushiness



## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

Someone told me yesterday that my long-time crush Michael Buble is an NT (ENTP) and I was like "noooo waaaaay". This guy is the king of mushiness. He sings and writes nothing but love songs. He even dedicated a song to one ex girlfriend. I can't imagine any NT being as sappy as him.

Just curious, do you guys like writing love letters/poems/songs to your romantic interest? And have this broadcast to the whole world? I doubt it but I'm open to opinions.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

I know a very mushy ENTP who loves attention but....no. I have to say mushiness is almost anathema to me. Unless it involves kittens. To a person - horrifying and humiliating and ew.


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

Definitely not - this is something I abhor when others do (proclamations are fine, but when it's over and over and over the top it starts to grate on my nerves), and find great discomfort in doing myself. I'm more likely to make a roundabout statement geared to mean something than show it off in a large way.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

No way. That stuff makes my stomach turn. lirulin used the term anathema, which is perfect.


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## NeedsNewNameNow (Dec 1, 2009)

I can be at times, but there's a limit to how mushy.

Not to be cynacal, but don't forget music is a business, and when a musician is making money writing certain types of songs, then that is the type of song they are going to continue to write, whether or not they are truly feeling it.


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## cavarice (Jan 30, 2010)

For me, it depends on how you define "mushiness." People throw that word around to mean similar, yet also very different things.

I'm extremely prone to sentimentality and nostalgia for things I do with a love interest and I can find myself _feeling_ "mushy." It's a HUGE thing for me.

However, if "mushiness" refers primarily to _acts, _such as what you described, then I am definitely not mushy. If someone were to do that to me, I'd feel very awkward, and maybe even creeped out. Stuff like that seems exaggerated and pretentious to me, even if I know the person is 100% sincere. And it's just annoying, in a way that I have no rational explanation for being annoyed by.

If such mushiness was broadcast to other people or the world at large, that's an instant dealbreaker for me. I can't STAND anything open and public when it comes to relationships.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

If by mushiness you mean engaging in acts that are traditionally considered "romantic" like writing love letters, poems etc then it's not something I'm particularly good at or enjoy. However, if I _really_ like someone, I'll make concessions and try the whole romance thing. In terms of MBTI, it would appear to me that among the NTs the NTJs would be better at romance due to their Fi.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

unleashthehounds said:


> Not to be cynacal, but don't forget music is a business, and when a musician is making money writing certain types of songs, then that is the type of song they are going to continue to write, whether or not they are truly feeling it.


Indeed, music is a money-making business. But for love songs, you need to convey a certain depth of emotion in your voice for people to "buy" the song. The lyrics of the song you write also has to be something a lot of people can relate to for the song to be popular. The amount of Fi and Si needed for these make me skeptical that Buble is an NT.




MisterNi said:


> If by mushiness you mean engaging in acts that are traditionally considered "romantic" like writing love letters, poems etc then it's not something I'm particularly good at or enjoy. However, if I _really_ like someone, I'll make concessions and try the whole romance thing. In terms of MBTI, it would appear to me that among the NTs the NTJs would be better at romance due to their Fi.


How nice of you, MisterNi  But I have also observed that it's hard for some people to be mushy even when they make the effort. One ENTP guy tried to be romantic in the way I recognise by sending me good night messages. But they were always more funny than romantic. They made me laugh, which was nice. But they didn't give me the swoon-you-have-touched-the-depth-of-my-soul feeling. The latter is what I'm really referring to when I mention mushiness.


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## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

I can do that, and sometimes have an urge to. But, I know it freaks a lot of people out, including myself in most cases so, I don't. I just work into much more subtle ways.


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## PrismEye (May 10, 2010)

MisterNi said:


> If by mushiness you mean engaging in acts that are traditionally considered "romantic" like writing love letters, poems etc then it's not something I'm particularly good at or enjoy. However, if I _really_ like someone, I'll make concessions and try the whole romance thing. In terms of MBTI, it would appear to me that among the NTs the NTJs would be better at romance due to their Fi.


My thoughts exactly. I'd be willing to bet that most NTs can't stand doing the traditionally sappy things like love letters, serenades, or constant repeats of "I love you". From an ENTP point of view, it comes off as cliche, pointless, and excessive, all three things that NTs just can't abide by. I'd be willing to guess that most NTs would prefer to express romantic interest through their actions, attention to details and thoughts of our love interest, and subtle but precise displays of affection.


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## Black Rabbit (Apr 15, 2010)

I agree with the rest of the NT's with everything that's been said.

To give a candid example, I stopped my *ex*-girlfriend when she wanted to make out in public because it would've looked stupid in my opinion. And yes, I did bold "ex" for emphasis.


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## Excido (May 14, 2010)

Troisi said:


> To give a candid example, I stopped my *ex*-girlfriend when she wanted to make out in public because it would've looked stupid in my opinion. And yes, I did bold "ex" for emphasis.


I sure hope that sort of thing wasn't the only cause of the breakup.


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## Black Rabbit (Apr 15, 2010)

Syock said:


> I sure hope that sort of thing wasn't the only cause of the breakup.


It wasn't. There's a very long involved story that goes along with it but it's completely unnecessary. She was an off balanced feeler which drove me insane and the P.D.A. stuff wasn't working with me either. 

(Before I get bricks thrown at me, I'm not saying all Feelers are like this. Let that point be made clear.)


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## AirMarionette (Mar 13, 2010)

Yeah, I tend to be contemptuous towards if not disgusted by mushiness, particularly cutesy-romance because it all seems like a load of crap and it makes no sense. I have more fun being mean to someone, that's how I show true affection, otherwise I state it objectively or bluntly (if someone's worth my time, I make the effort to express my feelings accurately).

It's definitely not something I can do _directly_ or respond comfortably to. Length of time I've known the person, intuitive perspective of their personality, and level of comfortability play a huge role. Although it is really easy to feign in exaggeration, even then... I don't even type out "love", I have to say "loev" or something because it makes me cringe.


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## Slkmcphee (Oct 19, 2009)

MisterNi said:


> If by mushiness you mean engaging in acts that are traditionally considered "romantic" like writing love letters, poems etc then it's not something I'm particularly good at or enjoy. However, if I _really_ like someone, I'll make concessions and try the whole romance thing. In terms of MBTI, it would appear to me that among the NTs the NTJs would be better at romance due to their Fi.


I'm plenty romantic, but mushy?
Mushy: adj. excessively sentimental
Sentimental: adj. excessively prone to feelings of tenderness, sadness or nostalgia
Romantic: adj. inclined toward or suggestive of the feeling of excitement or mystery associated with love.

Romantic? Oh, I got your romance...
Mushy? I can say with certainty I am not excessively sentimental.


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## OneiricEntropy (Apr 22, 2010)

Writing is actually the ONLY time I would qualify as "mushy". Poems and letters are the only way I've found that I can express to someone I love just how they make me feel. I very rarely share my poems with them, but when I do they are shocked at the depth of my emotions.


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## entpreter (Aug 5, 2009)

I don't show it in public (unless I've had enough to drink, and it's usually only around close friends), but I can be very affectionate and huggy when I'm happy and sleepy or just tired from the day or from work, etc. Most people are surprised by this. I have to feel very comfortable with the person in order to be like this. I am not comfortable kissing around other people, though. I wouldn't want to watch others kiss, so I don't.


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## Slkmcphee (Oct 19, 2009)

entpreter said:


> I don't show it in public (unless I've had enough to drink, and it's usually only around close friends), but I can be very affectionate and huggy when I'm happy and sleepy or just tired from the day or from work, etc. Most people are surprised by this. I have to feel very comfortable with the person in order to be like this. I am not comfortable kissing around other people, though. I wouldn't want to watch others kiss, so I don't.


 
My brother is an ENTP and he is the same way. He can be downright sentimental, but you would never know it unless he was deep in his cups.

Scared the hell out of my husband one time, when they stayed up late drinking. Didn't know he was capable of emotion!


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## lyinfait (May 11, 2010)

AirMarionette said:


> Yeah, I tend to be contemptuous towards if not disgusted by mushiness, particularly cutesy-romance because it all seems like a load of crap and it makes no sense. I have more fun being mean to someone, that's how I show true affection, otherwise I state it objectively or bluntly (if someone's worth my time, I make the effort to express my feelings accurately).
> 
> It's definitely not something I can do _directly_ or respond comfortably to. Length of time I've known the person, intuitive perspective of their personality, and level of comfortability play a huge role. Although it is really easy to feign in exaggeration, even then... I don't even type out "love", I have to say "loev" or something because it makes me cringe.


I agree with much that has been already stated. I don't like mushiness. I find it cliche (you're a girl therefore...), annoying, contrived, and annoying. 

The idea of soulmates makes me gag. I'm not against finding the right person for me just don't call him my soulmate. So cutesy and stupid. 

Don't try to tug at my heartstrings. Manipulation makes me mad.

Don't waste my time calling me up several times a day to tell me you're thinking of me, miss me or love me. It rings false very quickly and I don't like repetition. 

I write songs: the very rarest of them will be a love song. Even then, I avoid using love in the lyrics at all. I usually dance around the idea. 

Love itself does not often come from my lips. I'll say it in another language before English. 

I don't really like to say I like someone unless I absolutely have to (can no longer deny that fact).

I don't like people claiming to miss me when they barely know me, I further dislike being expected to miss people I haven't decided I actually care about yet. Quit whining and go away so I can find out if I do.

There is no such thing as love at first sight, don't waste your time trying to convince me you've found it with me. 

I have no intention of calling you unless I have something worthwhile to say. 

You can very well forget about baby talk and cooed endearments. Saying them and hearing them.

"Chick flicks" and novels are to be avoided. I'm a girl not a sap. 

If you're going to bring me something, bring me something I can use or my favorite things...these do not include chocolates, flowers, diamonds or stuffed bears, funnily enough. I appreciate thought, when it's thought and not lame stereotyped gift-giving. I'll melt for ice cream before a fancy ring.


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## Think (Mar 3, 2010)

mushiness tending to 0


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

I'm only mushy when it comes to writing poetry or love letters. Which I rarely do. I tend to write letters AFTER I've broken up with the guy for a sense of closure. When I feel like its right, I will send the letter to my ex... I've only done this twice.


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

ENTPs can be very romantic. From the limited sample of NTs that I've met I'd say they are the most romantic and expressive of all NTs on average. 

Problem is that their love can burn out very quickly too. One moment he will be singing songs to you and showering you with flowers, then the next moment he'll be doing same with another person. That is in general, obviously they are not all like that. But when they do fall in love they tend to approach it like storming the castle - so yes you can expect gifts, special outings, cheerful text messages, lots and lots of attention, even an occasional song or poem or love letter if he is artistically inclined. The later for them is more like a demonstration of his own skill and ability before you in order to catch your attention and attract you, rather than an outflow for excessive feelings (reason that NFs tend to write poems or create artwork).


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## Jinxies (May 5, 2010)

I don't think anyone would ever call me mushy... in fact, to those who know me, if I said something mushy they'd laugh thinking I was making a joke or ask me what was wrong. All that lovey dovey crap that just goes on and on annoys me. I mean, I like compliments, I like to hear I'm loved... I even like a random and rare romantic poem... note the rare part... 

I can't stand chick flicks because of all the emotional goop the directors and actors have to fill the screen with. I caught the last 20 minutes of the lame ole movie Dear John and had absolutely no idea why anyone would have chosen to watch it, let alone enjoyed it. Those 20 minutes were stolen from my ife and I'll never get them back. 

I suppose the offset to this is sometimes when I am writing I'll put my very creative hat on and try using some of my vocabulary skills to make poetry...  but it's not really anything I'm writing to anyone and I don't do it all that often.


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## Thnkr917 (Dec 13, 2009)

"The idea of soulmates makes me gag. I'm not against finding the right person for me just don't call him my soulmate. So cutesy and stupid."
*Check* and there is no soul in existence that I would want to spend ETERNITY with

"Don't try to tug at my heartstrings. Manipulation makes me mad."
*Yup*, the more clingy, touchy feely, hang all over me they get the more I think they are trying to pull something over on me or control me. 

"Don't waste my time calling me up several times a day to tell me you're thinking of me, miss me or love me. It rings false very quickly and I don't like repetition." 
*And it's creepy..*kind of like "watching you sleep", creepy...hear that "Twilight"?

"Love itself does not often come from my lips. I'll say it in another language before English." 
Now, *I may say it* if I think it is expected of me, but I am uncomfortable with it. I even hate the way my Dad always says "Good night ..luv u" EVERY time he calls. It feels fake.

"I don't like people claiming to miss me when they barely know me,"
*Yup*, that usually means some kind of manipulation or else they have issues.

"There is no such thing as love at first sight, don't waste your time trying to convince me you've found it with me. "
*It's true*

"I have no intention of calling you unless I have something worthwhile to say. "
*Yup*... the older I get the less I want to sit on the phone and gab and with guys I just let them call me. I have a friend who used to be a boyfriend a long time ago (too clingy and touchy feely to keep dating him). To this day I can't tell you his phone number. I never called him while we were dating and now it's just in the phone and he usually is the one to call, to this day. 

Side note, the more you don't like guys to be clingy, the more they are... why is that? the chase thing?

"You can very well forget about baby talk and cooed endearments. Saying them and hearing them."
*Oh my God, Yes.* My response would be to stare at them, dumbfounded, make some excuse to leave and never ever return a phone call again.

"Chick flicks" and novels are to be avoided. I'm a girl not a sap." 
Ok *I will watch chick flicks*, but not in the theater, only after they are free on TV. I'm not that opposed to mush in other people (makes me feel superior). I just don't want to participate, personally. I'm usually watching the flick yelling at the screen, though. 

"If you're going to bring me something, bring me something I can use or my favorite things...these do not include chocolates, flowers, diamonds or stuffed bears, funnily enough. I appreciate thought, when it's thought and not lame stereotyped gift-giving. I'll melt for ice cream before a fancy ring."
Yes, yes, yes. *Diamonds* What am I gonna do with a ring with a stone in it...lose the stone, probably. *Teddy bears *- I eventually send them to garage sales or Good Will after letting them collect dust for a year or so in a closet or spare room. *Flowers*- Why would you kill a perfectly beautiful flower to impress me-can I have a plant instead? *Chocolate*- uhm well I like chocolate, but you can bring me a candy bar or icecream (as she said) instead of a whole box of chocolate, do ya really think I eat that much?


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## lyinfait (May 11, 2010)

"Don't waste my time calling me up several times a day to tell me you're thinking of me, miss me or love me. It rings false very quickly and I don't like repetition." 
*And it's creepy..*kind of like "watching you sleep", creepy...hear that "Twilight"?


Side note, the more you don't like guys to be clingy, the more they are... why is that? the chase thing?
[/quote]

Yes! Glad I'm not the only one who thought Edward was creepy watching Bella sleep. I kept thinking stalker. That was not something I'd have found romantic. (Of course that is the least of crimes against fiction in that romance novel masquerading as...I don't know, good?) It goes right along with girls sighing over the guy who gets jealous over another guy even looking at her. Signifies love, dontchaknow? Except it really doesn't. 

re: Side note: No idea. I was told I "forced" the guy to be the girl to compensate for my lack of girliness. He wouldn't know how I felt if he didn't constantly push for it and try to get it out of me. There was a definitely element of chase there too. He kept hoping affection would change me and I would magically 'be normal.' Hilarious and totally annoying.


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## LostInMyOwnMind (May 5, 2010)

Lol, I caught myself with a sort of "I smelled something bad" sneer on my face as I read the responses here. So I guess the answer would be, mushiness just ain't me.


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