# Would you rather forget who you are or forget everyone around you?



## explodokills (Nov 10, 2017)

Please vote before reading the text below! ^^

For context: My friends (INFJ and ISFP) and I were playing a game when this choice came up and voted on different answers. They both chose to forget themselves while I chose to forget everyone else around me. The INFJ's reasoning was that people shape who you are and friends can help you learn who you once were. 
I don't exactly agree with that though, as friends can't know everything about oneself and it's quite a burdensome task to leave to others. Self identity is what _I_ make it to be. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to learn who I am from everyone except myself. 
Not only that, but people can be fickle and I would imagine most won't be comfortable with helping people going through such personal affairs. It also opens you up to vulnerabilites - if someone was to manipulate and lie to me by making me believe I did xyz I might actually believe it to a point of extreme inner turmoil. Ultimately, at the end of the day your the one stuck with yourself.
I'm super curious as to what you guys might think!


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## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

It is more intriguing when you forget who you are. You start rediscovering, reimagining yourself in the process of remembering. Potentially achieving therapeutic effects by cutting out old traumas.
But when you forget everyone else it just gets very annoying. You are now alone and there is a bunch of strangers that want something to do with you. Bonds are much harder to re-develop.


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## Wax Diamond (Apr 9, 2020)

It makes me think of a sentence that looks like "Every soul isn't here to make you happy nor to make you feel more in touch with what truly matters to you. Some people will test you, humiliate you, seduce you, harm you, challenge you and so on". Very few people can mirror your inner search.
Which is normal as they are busy looking at theirs...
I start thinking it is reassuring being seen as selfish, mainly when you know deep down it isn't your main intention, nevertheless knowing you can be, which is quite different.


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## Fru2 (Aug 21, 2018)

Allostasis said:


> It is more intriguing when you forget who you are. You start rediscovering, reimagining yourself in the process of remembering. Potentially achieving therapeutic effects by cutting out old traumas.
> But when you forget everyone else it just gets very annoying. You are now alone and there is a bunch of strangers that want something to do with you. Bonds are much harder to re-develop.


I resonate with both of these circumstances, more so the first one though. So to OP I'd say, what is there to forget?


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## Internal (Nov 4, 2020)

If I forgot myself that'd mean starting fresh. Like being reborn. So many opportunities to develop, without having to rewire the old conditioning and beliefs. And if I eventually start remembering but turns out I became something different - is that truly a problem?


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## Llyralen (Sep 4, 2017)

Quite a good question, I’d say. There is no way I could navigate anything if I had to trust others over myself. If I’m myself then I would know how to reestablish friendships with who I found I liked and trusted. I’d have everything back that is “true” quickly enough. When you know yourself you can go anywhere and be with any people and still know who you are, relying on your own judgement. In other words, I could do this now by going to live in a different place and I would still have what I need to rely on, which is my own judgement. If I forgot myself I’d have nothing at all. Of course I’ve never depended on other people in that way...to make me who I am, they have practically nothing to do with that. I would have to get to my third function in order to depend on others for any of their thoughts on anything. I just don’t make decisions based on the thought process of others at all. I have to understand what affects their well being on my own terms when I make decisions thinking of others. For creating relationships I depend on my own judgement first for sure and then the other person can accept me or not, but I have to accept them first. Basically, it would take years and years to rebuild my own judgement, but if I’m myself I can re-establish everything good.

What did the ISFP say? Thank you for sharing!


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

That’s an interesting question. It opens up perspectives...

Most of my self-development leaps consisted on recreating my sense of self. Letting go of the past to welcome the present and future me.

So I’d rather forget who I am. I don’t need to have a vision of who I was — to be who I am. Actually, ditching the vision I have of myself would be liberating.

Also, I do not want to forget the people around me. My relationships are good and deep. Everyone gave, and are still giving me a lot. It took me long to build these connections and my current life. I love it as it is and don’t wish for big changes for the moment.

However, I admit that these connections are sometimes felt as sweet shackles. If I was to forget about it, I’d be more ready to welcome a different path without having to feel the pain of separation. Maybe I would even rediscover my world in a different lens. It would be completely new and exciting.

Thinking about it makes me want to rediscover the people around me. Maybe I should ditch the preconceived vision I have, and try to discover them again. As if I didn’t know any of their past, as if they were brand new.

I’ll think about all this deeper... I’m sure it’ll give me interesting inspirations that will have a huge positive impact on my life. Thank you a lot for the idea.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

Obviously forget everyone else, all my wealth and money requires me to remember who I am, my info and passwords etc... forgetting who I am is like losing my entire networth.


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## explodokills (Nov 10, 2017)

Llyralen said:


> Of course this is an Fi and Fe question... and a TI and Te question, I guess a better way to say it is a P or.a J question. Quite a good one, I’d say. There is no way I could navigate anything if I had to trust others over myself. If I’m myself then I would know how to reestablish friendships with who I found I liked and trusted. I’d have everything back that is “true” quickly enough. When you know yourself you can go anywhere and be with any people and still know who you are, relying on my own judgement. In other words, I could do this now by going to live in a different place and I would still have what I need to rely on, which is my own judgement. If I forgot myself I’d have nothing at all. Of course I’ve never depended on other people in that way...to make me who I am, they have practically nothing to do with that. I would have to get to my third function in order to depend on others for any of their thoughts on anything. I just don’t make decisions based on the thought process of others at all. I have to understand what affects their well being on my own terms when I make decisions thinking of others. For creating relationships I depend on my own judgement first for sure and then the other person can accept me or not, but I have to accept them first. Basically, it would take years and years to rebuild my own judgement, but if I’m myself I can re-establish everything good.
> 
> What did the ISFP say? Thank you for sharing!


My ISFP sat there between the both of us while we discussed this topic heavily. 😅


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## explodokills (Nov 10, 2017)

Internal said:


> If I forgot myself that'd mean starting fresh. Like being reborn. So many opportunities to develop, without having to rewire the old conditioning and beliefs. And if I eventually start remembering but turns out I became something different - is that truly a problem?


I don't think there's much to discover in oneself - it's more to do with building character than finding. I guess for others forgetting oneself seems more liberating than restraining. For me it's more of an issue of an identity crisis. That I would go by life without knowing or understanding my past actions, my values, and reasons for living. People come and go. People that are by my side as of now can choose to stay or leave and I wouldn't think much of it if I didn't know them. They're free to go wherever. If they would like to stay, I would be able to use my own judgement and decide for myself whether they were genuine close friends. I may be lonely at first but as long as I have myself to count on I can pull through anything.


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## explodokills (Nov 10, 2017)

ENTJudgement said:


> Obviously forget everyone else, all my wealth and money requires me to remember who I am, my info and passwords etc... forgetting who I am is like losing my entire networth.


Such a pragmatic response! As expected from an ENTJ


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## Nannerl (Jan 6, 2021)

Both. Let's start all over again.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

Forget others. One reason, I don’t last long in others company usually no longer than a year than I’m off meeting or doing or learning something new.

I worked too damn hard on myself ( the one I truly have control over) and I really do like who I am. One of my biggest fear is getting Alzheimer. im ok not believing there isn’t an afterlife/heaven, it seem foolish that our ego survives death, I can let it all go In death.
in life I can’t image being someone else ...becoming who I am well...it’s been tough but completely rewarding, I’m very proud of the type of person I am. I don’t want all that to be in vain. Don’t want The chance of becoming everything I hate...


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

For me, just about an impossible choice.

I will go with forget myself. I suppose the people in my life are more important than I thought.

I thought I’d NEVER choose “forget myself”.


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## MinteraySolo (May 23, 2021)

My identity is very, very important to me. However, I wouldn't stand forgetting everyone else: my friends, my family... Forgetting them is one thing, but in addition what I fear is forgetting all the small moments that made me happy. Going out to explore places with my cousins when I was 9-10 (and comingback home with bruised all over because we were reckless), admitting my first ever crush to my best friend (embarassing!), making my little brother laugh... I can't forget all that. I can find/build myself again, like a child. Experiences make the person, no? Or maybe we're born that way? I'll think about it. So let's restart self discovery, I guess.
Plus, if I forget myself, I can discover everything about myself again and the world, everything would feel NEW. I love that feeling when discovering something about myself or the world. At least I won't be bored!
As an INFP who values her individuality like crazy, like the person above my post, I never thought I'd choose "forget myself".


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## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

Myself. I don’t even really know who I am nor do I care to anymore, I guess. It’s not super important to me because it always changes. It almost feels limiting to trap myself under a certain “identity”. INFJ.


This thread is a good reminder to make sure I’m showing my Fi friends how much I value their individuality.

Actually just had another thought- if I forgot who my friends were I’d probably have a much easier time picking it up & figuring them out than figuring out myself. And figuring out/understanding others is one of my favorite things. I get depressed when I try to understand why I’m behaving the way I’m behaving. I’d rather devote time to understanding them & why we became friends then trying to understand why I’m such a dumb butt. Hm maybe I’m changing my mind.

*Came back to add, because this question is still on my mind- “What is your identity” is the type of question that will launch me into overthinking & confusion & depression. I don’t think I could ever come up with an answer for it.


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## Deezzee (Nov 25, 2011)

I think I'd choose to forget everyone else, so that I won't have to be reminded of the pain & disappointment from past failed friendships/relationships. 
If I forget myself, it means that I wouldn't be able to remember what has led me down to this path today, I wouldn't know what are the reasons & motivations I relied on to make decisions, I wouldn't be able to remember the mistakes I made and what I shouldn't have done.


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## WraithOfNightmare (Jun 20, 2019)

I’d rather the former for the people I really love and care about. I’d rather the latter for everyone else.


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## Cross (Sep 9, 2012)

Usually I forget everyone and everything around me. Although introspection is oodles of fun, sometimes it only brings to light how little I know myself and how many things I've forgotten about myself.


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## jerica (Jun 11, 2021)

The rest.


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