# Dominance/Submission and Personality Correlation



## The Ultimate Square Peg (Mar 27, 2012)

This is my first post on the Sex and Relationships thread- I've rarely ventured out of my own Myers-Briggs forum! But I think this might be the venue for such a discussion. 

*I've been theorizing about the correlation between personality (mostly Enneagram, but also MBTI) and the dominant/submissive complex*. By that I mean a sexual dominant or submissive, in any kind of relationship ranging from occasional dabbling in BDSM to 24/7 master/slave relationships. 
In the case that one is interested in either submission or dominance, I'm interested to know what the correlation might be as to the personality type of the person. I think it's important to note that I do not mean that the correlation goes the other way; for instance, many dominants may be type 8 (theoretically), but I would not mean to assume that most type 8s are dominants. 

As far as my own personal thoughts towards the correlation goes, I've thought that the stereotypical Dom would likely be a ESTJ-8. The ESTJ being based off the stereotype of the American male, and the Type 8 being based off of the driving need to control in order to fend off those who might control. 

A stereotypical Sub is a little harder for me to pin down. It seems to me that an ISFJ-9 or ISFJ-6 might fit into that stereotype, but it doesn't seem as clear-cut to me.

This being said, I don't believe those are the only types that would be into dominant/submissive relationships! It's just a beginning hypothesis I'd like to expand on. 

If you wouldn't mind weighing in, there are some specific things I'd like to know.

_*Personal:*_
*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?
Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?
What is your MBTI and Enneagram?
What draws you to dominance or submission?
Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?

Theory:
What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
What Enneagram types do you think are least common among each?
What MBTI types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
What MBTI types do you think are least common among each?

Anything else you'd like to add?


*Thank you!


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

_*Personal:*_
Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?
*I lean towards submissive behavior and my partner leans towards dominant behavior*
Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?
What is your MBTI and Enneagram?
*INFP - I consider myself a 1w2*
What draws you to dominance or submission?
*I just like being helpful and I don't like making all the decisions - I'm more into service than submission - there's an element of D/s*
Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?
*I am considering committing as a sub - As long as I am with the person I am with, I most likely will be at least a partial sub.*
_Theory:_
What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
What Enneagram types do you think are least common among each?
What MBTI types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
What MBTI types do you think are least common among each?
*No idea on all of this, but I thought I would add my input with my type, since I saw this thread had no replies yet *
Anything else you'd like to add?


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## The Ultimate Square Peg (Mar 27, 2012)

@Chickadee- thank you!  I appreciate the input! Out of curiosity, any idea what MBTI/enneagram type your partner is??


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

Dominant enneagram 5w4, because I can't stand the alternative


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

_*Personal:*_
*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?*
Sub - in a dabbling way. Nothing too serious, but I definitely prefer the sub position.
*
Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?*
In everyday life I'm more dominant. In the bedroom, I love the sub role. 

*What is your MBTI and Enneagram?
*INFJ 5w4 sx/sp

*What draws you to dominance or submission?*
I just like the feeling of giving someone else power over me and telling what to do or constricting me in some way. I'm not sure exactly what it is.

*Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?*
No.

I would be surprised if much of any correlation was found.


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

The Ultimate Square Peg said:


> @_Chickadee_- thank you!  I appreciate the input! Out of curiosity, any idea what MBTI/enneagram type your partner is??


He's an ESTP


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

enneagram 6-x-8
socionics iei

and i have been/done both, depending on who i'm with, and the situation.. fun to change it up.
what comes natural depends on the person, how i feel about them plays a part

and you might be surprised about what types like to do what. a lot of people of the strong powerful types like to be sub. i could attempt some psychobabble explaining it but who cares.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

I'm an ENTP male and, if memory serves me, I am 3w2

I'm really not into either; I am, in the fetish community, what would probably be called "vanilla."

See, my only involvement with dom/sub stances is in regards to sex; I am not into being a dominator nor am I into dominatrixes.

Sexually, I prefer a more aggressive/assertive woman. A woman who can publicly admit to loving sex/dick, who loves to be on top, to sit on my face, to be loud, noisy, and lustful. In that regard, you could say I'm into a female who is more dominant.

But, again, that is only for sex; I have never been into being humiliated or acting submissive. If anything, as ironic as this may sound, I prefer the power. I'd much rather have a whimpering, slavish female who pleases me at my whim, who vocally requests control.

...okay, so maybe I do have a bit of a dom side, but it's just not that prominent. I'd much rather have beautiful, mutual, 50-50 sex, than to have some scenario acted out. Unless that scenario is teacher-student. Fuckin love playing professor...


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

ENTP 4w3 and though I don't really care for BDSM that much, I tend to take more of a dominant role (far more dominant than usual) sexually. Partner is INFJ. I prefer someone a bit more quiet and reserved....getting reactions is all the more fun.


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## FancyProseStyle (Dec 22, 2012)

*Personal:*
*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?*
Yes, I am. With a (future) significant other, I think I'd be partially submissive at any given time and completely, fully submissive in the bedroom. However, I don't think I'd ever engage in a 24/7 BDSM relationship because I despise being ordered around for too long and not being able to control my own life myself.


*Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?*
I am naturally submissive in romantic relationships, but I say this not because I've had much experience (only one, failure teenage relationship), but because I know my needs without trial and error.


*What is your MBTI and Enneagram?*
ENTJ 8w7


*What draws you to dominance or submission?*
I am drawn to submission specifically because (as you can tell from my mbti and enneagram) I tend to carry around a looming responsibility of always wanting to control everything. I would like to hand over that responsibility to a significant other at times, but only if he can completely prove he is competent. If he can, I hand over all the power and I do just that: submit. I have never engaged in sexual activity (willingly, at least, but that's a whole different story) but I've felt the calling to BDSM lifestyle long before I knew what sex was. When I look back on any guys that I've crushed on, even in elementary school, they've always been "those" guys (as much as possible for that age). If you look at this web page: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/101-Erotic-Attitudes I feel as if it makes things more clear. I have always been attracted to men who show competency and I have been known to talk about an "aura of importance" that no one else understands. I like when guys stand their ground with me because I rarely, as an ENTJ, get that type of reaction. It's new, it's exciting. 


I am drawn to BDSM lifestyle in general because I enjoy the power play and mind games that are involved. Based on foreshadowing that I have felt, sex is going to be, for me, an intellectual thing as well as a physical thing. I want something that stimulates my brain as well as my body and power play does just that for someone as aggressive as an ENTJ type 8.

*Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?*
Nope, I would not. Too restricted for my taste.


*Theory:*
I do not know each MBTI or enneagram type very well individually to answer these questions, but I have some overall theories I'd like to convey. First off, I've heard NTs are the "kinksters" of all the temperaments... So that's something for you to think about. Also, that link from up there ^ might help. I think the MBTI types or enneagram types that seem more aggressive are the ones who might be more willing to hand over power, and vice versa because in romantic relationships, new is good and exciting. I also have many speculations that either dominance or submission has to greatly do with Se doms, but I can't really figure out which one or how or why....

*Anything else you'd like to add?*
Okay, so I know I'm young. Hopefully that doesn't change the credibility of my answers. I mean, what 14 year old do you know that is oblivious to sex?


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

*Personal:*
*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent? *Sort of, but I don't really care for a lot of pain, if you are talking about BDSM. 

*Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)? *I'm submissive sexually (not meaning I can never lead or be aggressive). I like to feel like a wanted female to the strong dominant male. I have an overall dominant personality though. 

*What is your MBTI and Enneagram?* ENFP 7w6 but I might be 1w2. My tritype is 714 sx/sp.

*What draws you to dominance or submission? *The feeling of being the smaller, greatly desired (tee hee), physically vulnerable one being "taken" by the physically stronger, sexually dominant male...damn that's hot. 

*Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?* I don't think I'd be interested in committing to a lifestyle of something like BDSM (if that's what you mean) because I like change. Committing to a set lifestyle sounds boring to me; I'd want to play a lot more than that. Dom/sub is more of an overall feel and mental thing for me I think...it's not about whips, chains, leather, and control vs. obedience. Even when I'm being the aggressive one, there's always an underlying understanding that I'm the sexually submissive one. 


*Theory:*
*What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants? *Type 3 ENTJ in my experience is dominant sexually. I'm a dominant kind of person and I like to be in control of many things in my life, but I like to be sexually sub. 

*What Enneagram types do you think are least common among each? *I don't know because while the fears might be avoided in everyday life, they might be used as part of a sexual game for some people, leading them to play on their fears. like I'm a type 7 (possibly a core 1) who doesn't like to be controlled, yet I like to be sort of controlled sexually. That's really the only area of my life I allow that. 

*What MBTI types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants? *Not sure, because as I mentioned above, it might be opposite of what you'd think. 

*What MBTI types do you think are least common among each? *See above. 

*Anything else you'd like to add? *My Husband is dominant type 3 ENTJ sx/so.


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## surgery (Apr 16, 2010)

*Personal
*
*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?*
Theoretically, yes. I have never tried BD before, but I certainly have fantasies related to submission.

*Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?*
Definitely submissive.

*What is your MBTI and Enneagram?*
INFP 4w5

What draws you to dominance or submission?
I feel that I have a strong desire to please people, except it's in an somewhat selfish way, like the idea of physically stimulating someone is more pleasing to me than being physically stimulated. The idea of being a sex object feels extremely erotic; it feels similar to a need for attention or the desire to feel beautiful. When I feel attracted to a person, I just want to go out of my way to try to pleasure him sexually as well as meet other physical needs (like cooking, cleaning, massaging). I want to poor out as much affection as possible. To a large extent, I dislike the idea of being the 'active/top' partner in sex. It feels selfish, but in away that is greedy that is different from just being aware of one's needs. I'm not against it, but ideally, I would take the submissive position most of the time.

*Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?*
I think so.

*Theory
*
*What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?*
Submissive:

* Women who are Twos and Threes because, I think, society values femininity as fertility and submissiveness. Thus, their desire pleasing/loving/attractive self-image, they will strive to fill sexual roles that men tend to desire.
* Fours, Fives and Nines. These tend to be the most introverted types, which often means they are less willing to dominate situations. Perhaps this is true in the bedroom as well.

Phobic 6s

Dominants:
* Ones experiencing a lot of anger may find an outlet being bossy in bed
* Threes, especially men, because they tend to want to look impressive and viral as well having a lot of extraverted energy to make situations accord with their expectations.

and Eights, naturally.


*What Enneagram types do you think are least common among each?*

Least submissive: One, Three and Eight.
Least dominant: Nine.

*What MBTI types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?*
To be honest, I'm not sure. I think males with dominant or auxiliary Te would probably tend to be the most dominant while IFPs and IFJs, especially in females and gay men, might be the most submissive.

*What MBTI types do you think are least common among each?*
Least submissive: ETJs and ETPs?
Least dominant: IFPs and IFPs.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

FancyProseStyle said:


> Okay, so I know I'm young. Hopefully that doesn't change the credibility of my answers. I mean, what 14 year old do you know that is oblivious to sex?


My ex is 22 and probably doesn't even know she has a vagina. When we were 17, she literally thought women could not get pleasure out of sex.

I can only imagine how she was at 14, as well as her friends :O...


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## FancyProseStyle (Dec 22, 2012)

Shinji Mimura said:


> My ex is 22 and probably doesn't even know she has a vagina. When we were 17, she literally thought women could not get pleasure out of sex.
> 
> I can only imagine how she was at 14, as well as her friends :O...


Well... uh... *gets aggravated* she's not 14 anymore so it doesn't count. Hah!


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I think NFPs, IxFJs, ISFPs, and INTPs are more likely to be submissive. I think ExTJs, ExTPs and maybe ESFPs are more likely to be dominant.

IxTJs may also be dom, but according to Socionics Ni types (INxjs) are actually "Victims."

I'm a bratty sub. I'll initiate, tease and also rebel, but I expect to not have to be the one in control sexually, I really hate that, I find it a turn off when men are submissive in bed. I mean like to a point it makes my skin crawl.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Shinji Mimura said:


> My ex is 22 and probably doesn't even know she has a vagina. When we were 17, she literally thought women could not get pleasure out of sex.
> 
> I can only imagine how she was at 14, as well as her friends :O...


Why would you want to imagine what she was like at 14? She was a child. I don't sit around wondering what my boyfriends or lovers were like sexually at 14, unless we're in a relationship and they tell me some cute little story, and even then, it's...dude, why are you thinking about her being 14?


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

surgery said:


> I feel that I have a strong desire to please people, except it's in an somewhat selfish way, like the idea of physically stimulating someone is more pleasing to me than being physically stimulated.


I don't understand this at all. I actually used to wonder if it was a trait of IxFJs...liking the idea of giving pleasure than the physical act of sex itself.

I say this because I love sex for physical as well as emotional reasons, and this makes no sense to me, even though I like the idea of being dominated, it's not because I love giving so much. Even when I want to give head it's really not about me being so giving, I wouldn't even have that as a clear thought.

I thought it was some weird auxiliary Fe thing, but you're INFP. Ok. 

I don't like being a top but not because I think it's greedy or selfish. To the contrary, I want men to please me physically, and I expect them to. I just find being a top exhausting and unnatural, it just feels wrong to me.

In fact I would say there is actually an element of selfishness to being a submissive, like I want someone else to be in control or take care of me.

I do like to cook and give massages for someone I like or love though, I do like to give, but I like sex for physical as well as emotional reasons, and I do NOT find the idea of giving more arousing than the physical act of sex.

I'm just commenting on yours to illustrate differences, and explain how I am, not to single you out, so I hope you aren't offended.

ISFP counterphobic 6w7


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?*
I can't really imagine myself being too submissive but I desire to be dominant, i'd like to direct how things go and do what I like to her as long as she's alright with it as well, so hopefully we match up in what we want well and just unleash on one another. I'd even like it if she wasn't completely submissive and almost fought back and the tension for dominance would be intense.

*Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?
*Well in normal life im rather laid back and not too assertive, i suppose it goes with enneagram type 9 going with the flow, so i would be described as very passive. But I dont know, though i've not experienced it when I feel lust I feel animalistic, I just have a strong desire to let myself go at it.

*What is your MBTI and Enneagram?
*INFP 9w1

*What draws you to dominance or submission?
*I can guess power and doing what I like with someone, though i'm not really power hungry. I suppose theres just an appeal in a woman submitting to what I want. A kind of i'll do what you want to please you. Being able to physically outpower her and use my strength against her.

*Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?
*Committed, no. I wouldn't want to be stuck in something, though i probably enjoy being Dom most of the time, im sure it'd be fun to see my partner do what she likes and use me to please herself. See how rough she can be.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

fourtines said:


> Why would you want to imagine what she was like at 14? She was a child. I don't sit around wondering what my boyfriends or lovers were like sexually at 14, unless we're in a relationship and they tell me some cute little story, and even then, it's...dude, why are you thinking about her being 14?


-_- No wonder you were banned. Time to add you to the block list.


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

The Ultimate Square Peg said:


> If you wouldn't mind weighing in, there are some specific things I'd like to know.


Okay. As a 5w4, I have an overwhelming urge to show you how silly and misguided your stereotypes are.

_*Personal:*_
*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?

*Yes. I'm sx/sp, so my sexuality is a critical part of my private identity.
*
Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?

*I'm definitely more sexually dominant. I might technically be a switch. I used to have submissive fantasies when I was a teen. Being in control feels good, and giving control to someone else of any aspect of my life makes me anxious, and I don't like that.

I used to be a year younger than my classmates in high school, and we had something like 20 girls and 5 boys. So they spent a good portion of one summer pushing me into corners, calling me cute, getting me to blush and freeze. (I was 14). It felt good to have a bunch of girls touch me, but they would just tease me and leave, and look for boyfriends with the way older boys in the upper grades, so this made me frustrated.

One day, a bunch of cute girls who had pushed me into a corner and were saying stuff like "let's rape him", while fondling me and giggling. Then they went back into class. So I'm like _fuck this_. I walk in, walk up to their leader, a girl who was grinding her pelvis up on me. I said something challenging like "so you like toying with me?". She said a smug "yeah". Literally in front of everyone, I kept strong eye contact, I reached with my right hand, and groped her right breast, as slowly and deliberately as possible in front of everyone. (She blushed, and her bra was stuffed with tissues/socks.) I think I got my point across, though. That's when I learned that being aggressive, being respected and being in control is more satisfying than being toyed with.
*
What is your MBTI and Enneagram?

*INFP 5w4 sx/sp.
*
What draws you to dominance or submission?

*I like sexually controlling women. I enjoy the feeling of making someone else vulnerable to me. I'm also sexually sadistic: I can get a mental high off degradation, humiliation, crying, moderate pain, etc.

I'm not so much into bondage, cause it doesn't feel spontaneous. I'm more into controlling someone psychologically, since I'm NF. Generally, I'm interested in learning about my partner's fears, desires and fantasies, and then I can control them sexually by giving them the sexual energy they seek on my own terms.

I am into the discipline aspect though. Mostly because I've found out that you can have 10 million conversations about why it's important to me that a person does not leave dishes in the sink before they go out with their friends.

When someone says they are going _to do_ something, i.e. makes a commitment, and then fails to deliver, I will hold them accountable. Talking to them about it politely, or ignoring them is only so effective. Luckily, if they've consented to being disciplined, then, you take them by the hand, tell them to not move. Then you punish them, and when you've made your point you send them on their way and no guilt/resentment is felt.

Oh, and I like spanking women in pencil skirts, it's too hot. Make the inside of a thigh redden, an then kiss it when she's being a good girl.

It's easy to identify submissive women, usually it's the ones that push men to get someone to give them firm boundaries that are the most fun for me. I know two ENTjs who were really fun to tease, since they were so feisty.

Dating is great if you're dominant, cause girls will try really hard to impress you. I also think it's cute and endearing when a woman gets nervous or anxious or vulnerable around me just from talking.

Last date I was on, the girl got so nervous, she spilt her drink all over the table and herself, and then politely asked if she could go get a napkin. I hadn't even hinted at wanting her to be submissive and she was already asking me for my permission to do things. But if I do want to hint at that, I'll say stuff like "I don't ever get drunk/I don't drink to much/Why?/I don't know - I like to stay in control."

Life is better when you have more power.
*
Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?
*
I don't like the idea of it too much, because I don't want to feel constrained. And what's more, the responsibility sometimes is too much to think about. I don't want to be responsible all the time. Neediness annoys me a lot. Honestly, I have intimacy issues, so D/s interactions are a workaround to that.

I guess I can't avoid being dominant and demanding in relationships though. It can also be caring and romantic though, so I think I'll say I'd just rather have a girlfriend who's into kinky sex. Like it's not rough sex all the time, sometimes when your partner comes home, and she looks tired, I'll want to take care of her and give her a massage or something, and it's not hard to keep the dominant frame of interaction even when I'm sexually giving.
*

Theory:
What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
What Enneagram types do you think are least common among each?
What MBTI types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
What MBTI types do you think are least common among each?

Anything else you'd like to add?

*I'm sorry, but I think these questions are short-sighted. (Certain types are so much rarer than others, and so much more private than others. Additionally, certain types are going to try to stick to traditional gender roles at home, and then go pay off the professional dominatrix *cough* STJs *cough*).

It makes more sense to ask how the various types express dominant or submissive traits or sexual identities.

For example, EJs are a lot more enforcing routines. ESFJ/ESTJs are very ritualistic I've noticed.

Or, I had an ENTJ who would walk over her male friends, just to see if she can eventually find someone stronger-willed than she is. She's very dominant in social settings, so I would just let her lead in front of others, but curiously, all I had to do is give her a disapproving look if I didn't like what she was doing and she would change her behaviour immediately.  It was a very good synergy.

Submissive SFJs will feel their acts of service are a big deal.

I will say that the INFJ sadists are by far the scariest to me personally, because I know that they get in your head in a way in which you can't be in control of your own emotions.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

The Ultimate Square Peg said:


> I think this is really interesting- because there is definitely a clear difference between us here in motivation. I think you're right- it could pretty clearly by chalked up to the difference in the instinctual variants.
> 
> I would say that my rebelliousness comes from a place of uncertainty and insecurity, not from a battle of will-on-will, or for any kind of experience of intensity. I'm not sure that mine comes down to my instinctual variant at all, actually. It might, but I'm not sure how that fits in, exactly. If I'm testing my husband, it's because I'm feeling shaky, like things might change or he isn't actually dominant. It's more of a "prove me wrong" thing.
> 
> ...


Yes I understand that it's not just sexual in a serious relationship, for me it's not just sexual, but sexuality is a big part of it for me.

And in order to actually get my attention enough to keep me in a serious relationship, or make me want to be with that guy, there has to be some form of non-sexual mental dominance. Like I have to feel like his will is just slightly stronger than mine, and its even more exciting if he's quietly more willful rather than throwing tantrums like I do. My ESFJ ex was dominant but he wasn't good at the quiet control, and he actually used to say "you're going to leave me for some nerd who wears a suit, an accountant or a lawyer, women like you don't marry men like me." 

I was in love with him though and his dominance was enough for me back then, but yes ideally I'd rather marry a man who had more quiet control, and it definitely has to be a form of dominance that extends beyond sexual. The only men who have held my psychological fascination for any extended period of time in the past few years had this trait, being IxTJs. In that sense I actually fit the hilarious Se type Aggressor seeking the oblivious, quiet, or cold detached Ni type Victim. I remember reading a description in another thread that was humor "the more he pretends like he doesn't know you and you didn't have sex last night the more you want him" or something like that, it's the idea of being dominated I think by someone with more emotional self-control, rather than the Socionics Ni type, ofc.

Because I also like the idea of having a "daddy" sort who brings stability to my life, which is more Si than Ni. Not an older man, I'm not into older men, just a structured or stable sort of personality. 

Anyone who falls short of keeping some form of mental control will lose my interest pretty quickly. I'm not sure I'd want to be led on a collar or disciplined in public. If I'm disciplined in public I want to be chastized and taken home by a schoolmaster, not paddled or anything.

So my ideas of what constitutes as satisfactory dominance varies. For example last year I had an ESFP FWB, like I mentioned, and he would do things like crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night, and then the next day in front of his family act like nothing happened. There was something psychologically and not just physically exciting for me the way he presumed to take control like that, without asking me if he could come into my room that night, and also though, the physical part of it.


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

When you listen to submissive women it seems like y'all just want to be as lazy as possible.



fourtines said:


> So my ideas of what constitutes as satisfactory dominance varies. For example last year I had an ESFP FWB, like I mentioned, and he would do things like crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night, and then the next day in front of his family act like nothing happened. There was something psychologically and not just physically exciting for me the way he presumed to take control like that, without asking me if he could come into my room that night, and also though, the physical part of it.


Does this mean that you stayed with his family, and he had sex with you whenever he felt like it, and then acted really calm. That sounds really smooth.


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## The Ultimate Square Peg (Mar 27, 2012)

Twoshoe said:


> When you listen to submissive women it seems like y'all just want to be as lazy as possible.


I think that should be offensive, but I actually found it really funny. 
 

I can see that point of view. There's an ironic element of selfishness to wanting to submit, I think. Wanting to not make decisions, be told how to live and what to do, etc... 

But on the other hand there is the element of really wanting to serve and please your Dom. For instance, pleasuring him when he wants without reciprocation, or even something as simple as making him dinner or doing housework instead of what you want to do...


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Twoshoe said:


> When you listen to submissive women it seems like y'all just want to be as lazy as possible.
> 
> 
> 
> Does this mean that you stayed with his family, and he had sex with you whenever he felt like it, and then acted really calm. That sounds really smooth.


Yes, we all lived together. For the first four months we hid it from his family because of the awkwardness of the living situation and our age difference. I am in my early 30s.

We used to have sex in the great outdoors, in empty rooms, in rooms where other people were sleeping, in the bathroom, in various sheds, the RV camper, you name it, we did it there. 

What was cool is that so much of our communication for a while was by eye contact.

It was really smooth. And it was fun and exciting. And then it got messy. At some point, I'm sure we could have stopped, but we were enjoying ourselves so much that it just turned into this huge clusterfuck of drama.

The last time we argued I refused to have sex with him for the first time ever since he'd known me, like rejected him hard, not just a teasing no where he chased me for a few hours or days, but a hard, firm, fuck-off kind of "go away" and he got in my face, we had a horrible screaming match, and he actually cried afterward. He never cried it was usually me. And I was pretty fucking sick of that. 

I think the early part, though, and even in the end the physical part is great fodder for erotic fiction. I mean this guy is living the life, having lived out that many fantasies at 19 years old.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

The Ultimate Square Peg said:


> I think that should be offensive, but I actually found it really funny.
> 
> 
> I can see that point of view. There's an ironic element of selfishness to wanting to submit, I think. Wanting to not make decisions, be told how to live and what to do, etc...
> ...


My blowjobs are nothing even remotely resembling "lazy" and I'm also willing to do things like cook dinner and so forth, so the lazy claims are just crap from dude who likes the woman to always be on top or something.

I hate sitting on someone's face, I find it awkward, and while I don't mind being on top sometimes, I prefer the feeling of a man being on top of me both physically and psychologically, I have my best orgasms that way.


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

fourtines said:


> Yes, we all lived together. For the first four months we hid it from his family because of the awkwardness of the living situation and our age difference. I am in my early 30s.
> 
> We used to have sex in the great outdoors, in empty rooms, in rooms where other people were sleeping, in the bathroom, in various sheds, the RV camper, you name it, we did it there.
> 
> ...


That's pretty hot. I'm sure he'll remember you fondly. I kept wishing I could sleep with my mother's friends (who were in their thirties) at that age, but it was kind of difficult to pull off.

I wish I knew this guy in person. I'm sure I could learn something from him.


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## The Ultimate Square Peg (Mar 27, 2012)

fourtines said:


> My blowjobs are nothing even remotely resembling "lazy" and I'm also willing to do things like cook dinner and so forth, so the lazy claims are just crap from dude who likes the woman to always be on top or something.


haha! I am so happy you said that. It's a good point! 
And I was thinking the same thing...the things I do for my husband would hardly be classified as "lazy." 



fourtines said:


> I hate sitting on someone's face, I find it awkward, and while I don't mind being on top sometimes, I prefer the feeling of a man being on top of me both physically and psychologically, I have my best orgasms that way.


Also, this. Same. 

I think I orgasm better in submissive positions because I actually feel like I'm being dominated. But as it turns out, that's the way my Dom likes it anyway, so even if I wanted to top, I wouldn't be doing it anyway.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Twoshoe said:


> That's pretty hot. I'm sure he'll remember you fondly. I kept wishing I could sleep with my mother's friends (who were in their thirties) at that age, but it was kind of difficult to pull off.
> 
> I wish I knew this guy in person. I'm sure I could learn something from him.


LMAO. Yeah...well, his mom is 50. I'm actually his older sister's age, I'm not old enough to be his mother. 

I'm sure he could learn something from you too. I mean in terms of other kinds of maturity; he's sexually mature WAY beyond his years, and even in some other ways he shows real sensitivity. In other ways, dear god. I'm not even going to go into it.


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## Rakshasa (May 26, 2012)

*Personal:
Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?
*I am only sometimes interested in sub/dom roles. Usually I prefer something more akin to a brawl. I prefer an equal partnership, even in sex.
_*Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?
*_I identify as more of a dominant.
_*What is your MBTI and Enneagram?
*_I don't remember my Enneagram, but I am an INTP.
_*What draws you to dominance or submission?
*_It's fun sometimes, I guess.
_*Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?
*_No.

_Theory:_
What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
What Enneagram types do you think are least common among each?
*What MBTI types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
*I suspect NFs would be more apt to submissiveness, but I in no way commit to that. SPs, and SJs, I think would be more dominant.
_*What MBTI types do you think are least common among each?
*_Most INTPs I meet don't seem to like the idea of sub/dom for the same reasons as myself. I suspect NTs in general wouldn't be incredibly attracted to either roll. 

Anything else you'd like to add?


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

surgery said:


> *Theory
> *
> *What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?*
> Submissive:
> ...


*here to mess with your pattern theory*

That is all. :ninja:


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## The Ultimate Square Peg (Mar 27, 2012)

Sonny said:


> *here to mess with your pattern theory*
> 
> That is all. :ninja:


Because I'm curious... 
How are you messing with that theory?


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

The Ultimate Square Peg said:


> Because I'm curious...
> How are you messing with that theory?


I'm a 9 who prefers to be Dominant, at the least I'm not submissive.


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## hulia (Sep 13, 2012)

*Are you interested in submission/dominance yourself? And if so, to what extent?*
I don't really know how to answer this question. I like sub/dom in sexual relationships, but not outside of the bedroom. Being asked, "So who wears the pants in the relationship" is annoying. We both do!

*Which do you identify with (if both, which comes more naturally)?
*I've always been much more submissive. (Ex) girlfriend loved being dominant, she liked taking action and making me the receiver. I usually initiated sex in the beginning by kissing or other motives, but she always took hold during the action itself. I have switched positions before and have been dominant, but it isn't as natural for me. Usually that only happened if my libido was through the roof.

*What is your MBTI and Enneagram?*
IxFP (ISFP), 5w4.

*What draws you to dominance or submission?*
Dominance is sexy, but I like being submissive because I'm fairly masochistic, I like having the action come onto me. I like feeling everything my partner has to give me. Being hurt, receiving the pain (or pleasure rather) from sex is what I like the most. I like the satisfaction of giving the same back to my partner, but again, being the object of submission is my role for me. Maybe because I seemed to take more of a dominant roll in our relationship outside of sex, and I had a slightly tougher presence compared to my girlfriend, the irony of me being the humble, docile one was kind of a turn-on to both of us.

*Would/have you ever committed to a lifestyle as either a Dom or Sub?
*As I've mentioned before, I don't really like claiming a title as such when both of us in the relationship hold our own parts. If I were completely dominant, I would most likely be controlling everything my partner did. If I were submissive, I wouldn't have my own choices probably. I guess I could say that I took on more of a "dominant" roll considering that I usually look the lead, and I had more of a masculine trait to me. I was still fairly younger and much more childish and naive than my lover though, so she usually took more of the dominant roll in certain situations. Again, I don't see how dom/sub would really work into my relationships since I enjoy both depending on the situation.

_Theory:_
*What Enneagram types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?*
I'm not an expert of enneagram, but I could see type 7s or 8s or even 1s as dominants (along with 5s). Submissives would most likely include 2s, 3s, 4s and maybe 9s.

*What Enneagram types do you think are least common among each?
*I wouldn't really know. I don't want to speak about things I'm unsure of.

*What MBTI types do you think are most common among submissives? Dominants?
*I could see NTs as more dominant. Or STs. Submissives, SP or SJs. Some SJs could be more dominant.

*What MBTI types do you think are least common among each?
*I think it would be fairly rare to see a submissive ENTP, or a dominant ISFP.

*Anything else you'd like to add?
*Nope. Sorry about being stolid about my answers on the theory questions, I'm just not too experienced with enneagram/MBTI as much as I should be at this point.


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## The Ultimate Square Peg (Mar 27, 2012)

Sonny said:


> I'm a 9 who prefers to be Dominant, at the least I'm not submissive.


If you don't mind me asking, to what extent to you prefer to be dominant? Only in the bedroom, or does that carry into other parts of your relationships? 

Also, I noticed you are a 9w8. Do you think your 8 wing might have any influence on that?


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

The Ultimate Square Peg said:


> If you don't mind me asking, to what extent to you prefer to be dominant? Only in the bedroom, or does that carry into other parts of your relationships?
> 
> Also, I noticed you are a 9w8. Do you think your 8 wing might have any influence on that?


Yes the wing influences imo.

Outside of the bedroom I prefer un-infringed equality of power/control. I'm happy to take charge, and not okay with being controlled, however the middle ground of give and take is my preference as the former becomes taxing after a while.


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