# Best dating advice for 30 year old?



## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

I wanted to check out what the dating side of life is like. So I signed up for two, and while I have long conversations going back and fourth with others around my age, it doesn't really go anywhere much, I also feel the need to put myself out there, like ask me questions (I like being asked questions), otherwise the chats tend to die as I ask things and sometimes I get replies back other times not so much. I seen a bunch of accounts become deleted, is that a big thing nowadays? I do want to meet them in person at least a date somewhere to see how it goes but I never get anyone interested in this so I don't bother need to change it up and learn the secret.

This is all online, as I have no idea how to start dating in real life as in no one to really help guide me just doesn't feel right to me. 

What advice would you give to a someone who is new to the dating online game and in their 30s?


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## Ace Of Forests (Aug 22, 2021)

First suggestion I always hear is to know what your goal is, and make sure you're using the right app for that demographic.

The biggest 'secret' I would give you is to make sure the pictures and videos show a lot, not a little. Do you have a nice living room? Show it off. Do you like to play small pranks, throw up a 10s video of you doing one. Show your life. Don't be ashamed. A lot of women have huge issues with dudes who catfish them about their living situation, or how successful they are. A few matches with women who see your living space, and is impressed is going to be a lot more productive. 

Also, saves you a lot of time learning about the girls who just talk to you for the attention. Make sure the conversation is two ways.

I don't personally use these apps, so I'm not going to press my possible bias, but from what I hear:

Tinder - Go for people who want to talk for 3 weeks and ghost you or onlyfan bots
Bumble - Most people's go to, at least in my area
Okcupid - Good if you like stalking people and making sure they're your type ahead of talking. (They have you answer like 100s of questions that I think are public)

There's a couple of new trendy ones like Ur My Type and Orion. But even in a big city like Dallas, they're dead. I personally tried Ur My Type and only got like 15 swipes in my area.


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

Interesting.. 

Yeah catfishing is a pretty big issue, I don't want to "give me money for gas to see you" or anything of that nature. If it's too good to be true it usually is even dating. 

I don't have a super nice room since it's my space and too lazy to move stuff around when it works for me. Also the rest of my place is not much to look at honestly. I do get what your saying though. 
Another thing is with the ghosting, I feel like I'm wrong asking or telling them things about myself, it's odd for me almost feel like my social skills are being tested or something intuitive going on that I must get through. I call it a test, I don't pass or something else.... ghosted or gone. 


I see about looking into those you mentioned, maybe they are better or worse than facebook dating.


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## Ace Of Forests (Aug 22, 2021)

Well yeah. Of course there's something intuitive going on. They're seeing if you're their type. It's not a secret code, it's just most people have boundaries. The problem is, it's a lot easier to just ghost someone than to give them the chance to turn on you. So it makes you feel like you did something wrong, and who knows, you might have but really...it's just people who don't want to take the chance of a bad reaction, and it's not really personal.

Word of advice though. One of the fastest ways to be put in the 'low value men' bin is to be too lazy to clean your spaces. How can a person trust that you're going to take care of them if you can't even vacuum the floor once a month, you know?


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

AceOfForests said:


> Word of advice though. One of the fastest ways to be put in the 'low value men' bin is to be too lazy to clean your spaces. How can a person trust that you're going to take care of them if you can't even vacuum the floor once a month, you know?


Whoa there, I was I was being sarcastic with that statement. I got it it.

Also, into older women my age to 40s ish, do you know of an app that is helpful in narrowing down age?


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

The courier said:


> What advice would you give to a someone who is new to the dating online game and in their 30s?


I would give the same advice that I would give to someone walking into a casino.
The game is rigged, get out, you only stand to lose, the small odds to win isn't even worth considering.










In a casino only the pokertable is fair, as the casino has no interest in who wins,
it basically rents out the seats for a cut of the pot.
Yet would you really wanna sit yourself down with the sharks aka gold diggers?
The ones who know the game in and out and are only waiting for an inexperienced fish to fleece.

However knowing this, you can position yourself to win big time.








Yet it will take a total transformation of your attitude and a willingness to throw all traditional wisdom to the wind.
This is uncharted waters, so I cannot tell you anything very specific.

My one advice would be to follow the value/money.
Girls want your attention/effort/commitment, don't give it to them unless they offer something of equal value to you.
If you are not getting an equal exchange, just check and fold, until right before the blinds (forced bet) circle back to you.
Then just leave the table (woman).

To recap, the dating world is the casino, the woman are the table.
You have to buy in with a forced bet on the table, but if the table is a bad table, then just leave and find another table.
No reason to mess around with sharks, also it pays to observe the table for a few rounds to see if it is obviously a bad table,
saves you the hassle of buying in, why spend your time and money on something that is obviously bad?
I won't try to outline any specific red flags, as such things are either outdated, or may be irrelevant to your context and local culture.
Though in general dating is rigged in women's favor, so don't go for blackjack or slot machines or you will regret it.

I could try to pinpoint who is what type of table or what women are blackjack and slot machines in this metaphor.
But that would be too much work and not accurate anyway, you will have to orient yourself in your own context and come up with an accurate map that works for you.
Yeah it sucks, but my charted waters will not match your charted waters perfectly.
I do not want to give you a false sense of safety or a false sense of danger over stuff that may not be relevant to your case.

Good luck out there!


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## Ace Of Forests (Aug 22, 2021)

Delete this please.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

AceOfForests said:


> I don't want to put words in your mouth, but


But you did it anyway.
I feel the table you are setting up for me here is rigged! 
Check...


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## Ace Of Forests (Aug 22, 2021)

No longer relevant.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

AceOfForests said:


> And complaining after I gave you the opportunity to correct me, and then failing to do so tells me why you have to trick women to get them. 🤷‍♂️
> 
> Sooooo good luck with that, mate.


Interesting shaming tactic and trying to once again frame me with the words you put in my mouth.
Any attempt to correct you would be ammunition.
It is like calling in poker, you just increase the pot.
Fold...

@The courier this is a good example of how to handle the people involved in these things.
When they prove to be up to no good, just don't play with them.
They have their own game down pat, just check and fold and leave the table!


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## Ace Of Forests (Aug 22, 2021)

Inveniet said:


> Interesting shaming tactic and trying to once again frame me with the words you put in my mouth.
> Any attempt to correct you would be ammunition.
> It is like calling in poker, you just increase the pot.
> Fold...
> ...


Before this discussion goes anywhere else, I just want lurkers to know:

*Guys who treat women like they're a pot to be won or a prize to be earned is not the way to go.*

You're going to hear that the game is rigged. That girls are too picky. But the truth is, most men treat woman like a prize, and don't improve themselves to make themselves valuable as partners. Instead they just try to cheat their way into people's pants. How on fucking earth do we as a race still think it's easier to fake being a high-value man than to actually be a high value man? It baffles me.

The REAL secret is that once you have your life together, once you have a life that's *worth* it for THEM TO BE A PART OF, you don't need to play games! Women who are interested in you will just want to be around you, and things will happen naturally. Because when you have your life together, it's really easy to add another person to it and take care of them!

Like it's not that hard to understand! People hate it when you lead them on!

There's a reason high value women are told to put 'No Games!' or wait a month before seeing someone. Because they know of people like you who think they have it 'all figured out'.

Cause when you mislead someone successfully? And they block you, and you somehow blame them for you being a lying piece of shit. They don't trust anyone for awhile. You DAMAGE them, asshole. Then the XXFJs in their life have to spend energy, time, and thought into undoing that damage, so they can go on to have an actually healthy relationship with someone.

Don't do this. Just be yourself, and if they don't want to be with you, that's okay. It means it wouldn't have worked out because of a preference you can't help.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

AceOfForests said:


> Alright, I'm going to sac any reputation I have to make an example of you.
> 
> *Guys who treat women like they're a pot to be won or a prize to be earned make me fucking sick.*
> 
> ...


Wow you really believe that?
Amazing!

Seems like you expect people to cooperate with you even under a barrage of shaming tactics.
And if you can't get your way you lose it.

Some some of your beliefs I can on principle get behind, but that doesn't matter, you play dirty to get there.
And you are oh so full of assumptions that it can hardly be contained.
I'm not sitting down at that conversation table again though, as I suspect this is just 4d chess to make me contribute to the pot.
I suspect you just plastered the most innocent motives up to make me feel like I was being a dick for ignoring you.
So that I would loosen up and sit down at that convo again.
Sorry kid, you had your chance to act proper when I wrote check.

@The courier let us pretend that 1/100 have pure motives, while 100/100 claim to have pure motives.
If you get a red flag, can you really afford to be burned 99 times to save the 1 from feeling not understood?
Of course not, you have to look out for yourself and assume that the red flag is real, 
no matter the protests and no matter the "evidence" provided to the contrary.
You can of course afford a check or two, or if you are really feeling generous even three.
But at some point you need to just fold them and move on, because you can't waste your time/money/energy on something that most often will not work.


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

Can you two please stop fighting? Or take it to PM? K thanks.

So I will post my experiences so far with those three that were mentioned by @AceOfForests 

OkCupid: Looks to be okay, I like how it asks questions some of which don't really matter to me. The layout is good, I don't have any ads either. All around pretty good.
Tinder: Pretty basic and tons of fake/toxic accounts I can't help but feel the need to get off it the longer I look on it, doesn't feel right or good to me. Again this is just my opinion and while most is fine for others, I don't think it's for me.
Bumble: Eh I it's slow and tons of ads not to mention some hardcore porn ads that shouldn't be. I get to matches and suddenly have likes, but then it seems to only work when I log on or look at profiles, is this a joke or something else? Regardless, it's bizarre.
I am ur type: I like it a lot actually and wish it had more interest in it because it makes it fun and dare I say interesting for me to read bios. The bad about it is only one picture. 


Haven't tried Orion yet.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

Online dating is complete garbage for men unless you're very physically attractive coz most people will judge u purely on your photos since theres nothing else to really judge u on besides ur bio that most ppl won't read.

If you're an attractive females then online dating is great if u wanna spend 10 hours going through your 1000+ msg inbox everyday.


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

A little update: I am getting some hits by older girls (average age is 35- 40s) that are already married or in a relationship  they all seem to be looking for guys they can hook up with which I assume is purely for sex or something else entirely.

Someone told me it's poly relations and I gave it a look, surprised to see this as a thing but cool just not sure about how it works or if I'm 100% okay with it.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

Online dating seems like such a huge waste of time and energy. There's a lot of single women in your vicinity. If you're comfortable approaching strangers and making conversation, I've had great relationships with women I met on the bus on the way to work. If you're not comfortable doing that, talk to your friends and family and have them introduce you to someone. The women in your family probably have a lot of friends, and at least some of them are open to a new romance. Even the men in your family and friends can help you. The women they're dating also have friends, some of which are bound to be available.

I don't know. Maybe online isn't that bad. It just feels too complicated for my liking.


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

ENFPathetic said:


> Online dating seems like such a huge waste of time and energy. There's a lot of single women in your vicinity. If you're comfortable approaching strangers and making conversation, I've had great relationships with women I met on the bus on the way to work. If you're not comfortable doing that, talk to your friends and family and have them introduce you to someone. *The women in your family probably have a lot of friends, and at least some of them are open to a new romance. Even the men in your family and friends can help you. The women they're dating also have friends, some of which are bound to be available.*
> 
> I don't know. Maybe online isn't that bad. It just feels too complicated for my liking.


That would be great advice but I don't have anyone left from my family anymore. I have brothers and a sister I never meet before. 

I'm open to talking with strangers but I get told to fly a kite, as people around don't seem to be that open with anyone, it's okay.


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## Dalien (Jul 21, 2010)

The courier said:


> That would be great advice but I don't have anyone left from my family anymore. I have brothers and a sister I never meet before.
> 
> I'm open to talking with strangers but I get told to fly a kite, as people around don't seem to be that open with anyone, it's okay.


A coffe house?
A library?
A club?


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

The courier said:


> That would be great advice but I don't have anyone left from my family anymore. I have brothers and a sister I never meet before.


I'm sorry to hear that. I have a sister and brother from my dad's side that I met recently for the first time. I was both excited and nervous about meeting them. How do you feel about potentially meeting your brothers and sister? Do they know about you as well?



The courier said:


> I'm open to talking with strangers but I get told to fly a kite, as people around don't seem to be that open with anyone, it's okay.


You're not wrong. It seems like year after year, more and more people get antisocial. Keep trying anyway. Most people are still pretty social once you break the ice with them. Especially women. Don't let your instincts get in your way. Fear of rejection is to a social person what fear of death is to a warrior. A hindrance. It's there, but you have to keep moving forward anyway. If you're comfortable starting conversations, keep doing it at your convenience. When you're in a queue at the supermarket or post office. When you're on the bus or tube to work or whatever. When you're taking a break and enjoying a coffee and there's a woman sitting by herself a couple tables down. When you're on a plane on your way to a holiday or business trip.


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## Dalien (Jul 21, 2010)

ENFPathetic said:


> I'm sorry to hear that. I have a sister and brother from my dad's side that I met recently for the first time. I was both excited and nervous about meeting them. How do you feel about potentially meeting your brothers and sister? Do they know about you as well?
> 
> 
> 
> You're not wrong. It seems like year after year, more and more people get antisocial. Keep trying anyway. Most people are still pretty social once you break the ice with them. Especially women. Don't let your instincts get in your way. Fear of rejection is to a social person what fear of death is to a warrior. A hindrance. It's there, but you have to keep moving forward anyway. If you're comfortable starting conversations, keep doing it at your convenience. When you're in a queue at the supermarket or post office. When you're on the bus or tube to work or whatever. When you're taking a break and enjoying a coffee and there's a woman sitting by herself a couple tables down. When you're on a plane on your way to a holiday or business trip.


Along with the places you’ve suggested, the grocery store is one of the good places to meet people. Not in the sense of to just go looking but in a natural way, as you’re suggesting.


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

Update: Nothing really new, been talking to a few girls back and fourth, I give my number out once we talk for days and get to know each other's hobbies, goals etc. No one really seems to be interested, like my number is a buzz kill or just odd? Well anyways. I won't give up on this, I feel like car shopping for the first time and needing a friend to tell me about "that one car there" wingman or it goes out or over too quick.


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

New update: I've been talking with this girl back and fourth on okcupid, she seems a bit distant but interested, she tells me she want to take things slow, and "meet on zoom" when I gave her my number out, is this how dating works now? She tells me it's something everyone does now since the covid and I can't say it's surprising but why only zoom as it's different how does one date on zoom?


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## FreeKekistan (Mar 4, 2015)

The courier said:


> She tells me it's something everyone does now since the covid and I can't say it's surprising but why only zoom as it's different how does one date on zoom?


Is this girl over 60? What is this garbage. Dating on zoom because of covAIDS. Bruh. Take a chance. People need to stop living in wrapping bubbles. And with a survival rate of over 99.9% for people under 60 it's hardly even taking a chance.


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## The courier (Jan 31, 2021)

FreeKekistan said:


> Is this girl over 60? What is this garbage. Dating on zoom because of covAIDS. Bruh. Take a chance. People need to stop living in wrapping bubbles. And with a survival rate of over 99.9% for people under 60 it's hardly even taking a chance.


She's 36, it's to get a feel for each other first so she says. Maybe she had bad experiences with meeting people like I have, get stood up or someone isn't who they say they are.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

The courier said:


> how does one date on zoom?


I hope you update about it lol I want to know how someone has a zoom date too. Maybe get some flowers and show the camera? Do you get all dressed up? Do you have to wear pants or can you just wear pajamas.


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## FreeKekistan (Mar 4, 2015)

The courier said:


> She's 36, it's to get a feel for each other first so she says. Maybe she had bad experiences with meeting people like I have, get stood up or someone isn't who they say they are.


Ok, but if you want kids, you should be looking for women in their 20's. 36 is kinda old for that.

If kids are not your thing and you're sure about that then age is irrelevant. The worst thing is to want kids and not be able to have them. It breaks a person's soul.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

FreeKekistan said:


> Ok, but if you want kids, you should be looking for women in their 20's. 36 is kinda old for that.
> 
> If kids are not your thing and you're sure about that then age is irrelevant. The worst thing is to want kids and not be able to have them. It breaks a person's soul.


I freaking WISH. 

I'm 32, and i have an IUD because they won't sterilize me as "i might regret it" and "may want kids later", until I'm at least 40. 

Women in my family are fertile wayyyyyyy too long (an aunt just gave birth, her yougest other child just graduated university. She was surprised) Also, i became pregnant the one time we didn't use adequate protection. Literally one time. 

I will not be having more, but don't count on being in 30s working as birth control lol.
*__*

I do feel bad for people who want kids and cannot though, but do note that can happen at any age? I know more than one healthy, fit 23-26 year old having fertility issues. This includes a couple who got married young because they really wanted to start a family early. They're now looking into adoption three years later. I'm not adding this to be smug or something, I do genuinely feel for them, but it's important to know that just like using 30+ as birth control would be stupid, so is assuming just because someone's young they have viable eggs or sperm.


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## FreeKekistan (Mar 4, 2015)

Anecdotal. All of it. Statistics are a better guide.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

ENTJudgement said:


> Online dating is complete garbage for men unless you're very physically attractive coz most people will judge u purely on your photos since theres nothing else to really judge u on besides ur bio that most ppl won't read.
> 
> If you're an attractive females then online dating is great if u wanna spend 10 hours going through your 1000+ msg inbox everyday.


Yep. Online dating seems so artifical to me. I think the best relationships start when two people already know each other, being colleagues from school or work, start taking to each other and develop a bond. It feels very organic. Online dating by contrast is like going to the shopping store and picking the best product.

Not to mention people who are there for validation or only for fun. So even on an online dating platform, you are not surrounded only by people interested in online dating. But I've heard couples that met online and had a succesful love story, so I guess it's not impossible, just less likely than the alternative.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

Well you'll have to practice a lot, interact with a ton of people, adapt and learn from failure as you go. Use plenty of apps/sites, be yourself, and just try to enjoy the interaction as you go. You'll get a better idea of what to look for with experience. Pay attention to red flags and don't get hung up on any one bad experience.


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## Crowbo (Jul 9, 2017)

Just go for it and let nothing stop you.


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## mug_cake (Jul 18, 2021)

I think back when I tried online dating my rule of thumb was to see if we could keep the conversation going for a week. See if there were any obvious red flags and then start talking about having a video call or just a really low key meet like for coffee or something. I didn't have much success but I didn't try very hard. Or for very long.


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