# Afraid to Feel?



## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

All right, my fellow NFs, I have an interesting question to pose. Have you ever been afraid to feel?

Why or why not? Explain.


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## Senter (Nov 21, 2011)

yuhp. when i was a lot younger experimenting and learning about myself there was a time where i thought feelings were just uncontrollable things that you had to punch into place.


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

Sometimes I didn't like to feel because of the negative aspects of it.


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## Sheppard (Jul 4, 2011)

Oh, very much so. Yes. The why is complex. But it was either joy or sorrow. Between the ages of roughly 18 and ... lets say 27, I didn't know how to cry. I really just couldn't do it. I felt the feelings, the welling up, or dispair, but they wouldn't go out. They were stuck, and then they would slowly be swallowed up, and go away. And if it went too far, if it was too much, my shadow exploded to the surface and all feelings were simply shut down, completely. For stretches up to 10 hours or so, I would have none, none at all. These were my defenses, the walls I had built up. And when I first constructed them, they were needed. But they were acting as a pressure cooker. What was inside couldn't get out. And likewise, and this was the original purpose of those walls, what was outside could not get in. Not only though. I grew up ... well, in a demanding enviornment, lets put it like that. Expressions of either sorrow were punished, because those were irrational, and weak. To be strong, you had to be hard. And a little later I ended up in a situation where on the other hand joy was punished, because that would mean that I might break free of dependency. Walls upon walls to protect the core inside. But life is made of sterner stuff than any wall, and some experiences are so big that none can withstand them, not with all the willpower in the world. My castle fell, thankfully after I no longer needed it, and while that was painful, it was also a very good thing to happen.


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## Nasmoe (Nov 11, 2009)

I've only been afraid to feel pain or anything negative. Makes me feel to weak to live sometimes.


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

I always love feeling strongly, even negative feelings. I never tried to nor wanted to not feel. On the other hand, a lot of times I don't show others what I'm feeling. I control whether or not I express my emotions and I usually hold back negative ones unless I have some reason to share them. I let happiness and excitement flow freely though.


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## Sheppard (Jul 4, 2011)

Bumblyjack said:


> I always love feeling strongly, even negative feelings. I never tried to nor wanted to not feel. On the other hand, a lot of times I don't show others what I'm feeling. I control whether or not I express my emotions and I usually hold back negative ones unless I have some reason to share them. I let happiness and excitement flow freely though.


That makes me wonder if the extroversion of the feelings, the expressing of it, is a fundamental part to feeling for someone with a Fe function. Hm. I think, in me, showing the feeling is part of having it at all. Do you think that is a Fe / Fi thing, or just me?


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Sheppard said:


> That makes me wonder if the extroversion of the feelings, the expressing of it, is a fundamental part to feeling for someone with a Fe function. Hm. I think, in me, showing the feeling is part of having it at all. Do you think that is a Fe / Fi thing, or just me?


That is Fe.


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## nádej (Feb 27, 2011)

Sometimes I become an emotional junkie on things like movies, music, books, other people's experiences...because I _love_ feeling. And crave it. But those types of feelings are still somewhat in control. I am _choosing_ to watch that movie or hear that story, etc, etc.

I'm never afraid to feel in that kind of way.


I _have_ been afraid to feel in matters that are beyond my control. The true stuff. The real stuff. The stuff that is happening and going on whether I like it or not. I avoid it sometimes and try to ignore everything and pretend like things are fine (or overdose on getting my emotions from elsewhere like stated above) because it's all so overwhelming. And there's this fear that if I open myself up to really feeling it all, I'm going to fall so far down this hole and never be able to get out.


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

Sheppard said:


> That makes me wonder if the extroversion of the feelings, the expressing of it, is a fundamental part to feeling for someone with a Fe function. Hm. I think, in me, showing the feeling is part of having it at all. Do you think that is a Fe / Fi thing, or just me?


I'm not exactly sure how it works. I always thought my feelings were meant mostly for myself and that choosing to share them with someone was something I would do to try to connect with them, show them respect, or show them disrespect. It's usually a conscious choice (Except when I think something's really funny, I laugh like an idiot whether I want to or not. Then again, I can hold in laughter when I want...I just rarely want to because it's so enjoyable.). To me, it often seems like people with strong Fe express their feelings almost automatically and if they want to hide them they have to work hard at it. Then again, I grew up with two Fe-doms: my ESFJ mother and my ENFJ brother. Talk about terrible poker faces lol.


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## dizzygirl (Dec 19, 2009)

I'm not an Nf but I have been afraid to feel quite a few times..when it came to matters of the heart. I was afraid of what the outcome would be. I knew too well that my interest would fade if I acknowledged my interest in the person, so I was afraid of admitting to myself. That way it would last longer. But I ultimately accepted my feelings. The conflict inside is too difficult for me. I didn't even last a day! :tongue:


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

I'm not really sure what angle this question is coming from so i'll give a few examples of different angles for me.

If i was planning a trip for example . My husband confirmed having X dates off. I ask my boss if it is possible that i get those days off also. She says to me i will let you know in a week. I would be afraid to feel the excitement of the trip , i don't want to build up something that could let me down for a fall. I won't emotionally invest in it until its confirmed, but look out when it is, YEEHAW 

I don't show personal external feelings/emotion often, its not because of fear, for me its because most times it isn't necessary. Of course its easy to express excitement and feel good emo's, although anything deep or personal stays between me and my husband.

If you're coming from a relationship angle, having a fear of feeling could be because of the unknown. Again not wanting to let yourself feel the disappointment if things don't go the way you hoped. Nothing is worse than building something up only to see it come crashing down. Maybe it is easier to stay neutral than having to feel this way.


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## unico (Feb 3, 2011)

I don't feel afraid to feel, but I often feel too deeply and it makes me feel physically ill. So I do get afraid to feel deep feelings in one sense, but I don't avoid situations where deep feelings will likely arise. I'm very emotionally open and raw. It's easy to wound me.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Interesting answers so far


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## Cerebro (Jul 30, 2011)

There have been many times where I've been afraid to feel. Most of the time, I worry about lashing out on others. As a classicly-misunderstood INFJ, I used to have anger issues. I would scream, throw, hit, and just be a mess towards people. When I was in 6th grade, I worked with a social worker, to control my anger and conduct myself with more compassion. That changed my life. We weren't taught to try and be more socially proper and acceptable, we were taught to consider others and use our compassion. Since that, I've vowed to never lose control again. I have at times, and it kills me.
Then there are the really selfish times that I don't want to feel. A hurtful word, a comment of bigotry, an irrational fear. The worst is when someone tries to explain the "immorality" of homosexuality. That logically confuses me, but also hurts me deeply, not because I myself am gay (I am straight), but because I begin to lose faith in humanity and their capacity for tolerance, understanding and love.

However, at the end of the day, I can't NOT feel. When I listen to music, or play music, when I read a story or write a paper, when I wish to understand what holds someone back, and help them live to their potential, I need to feel. It is in my blood. I may never experience genuine "happiness", but feeling gives life flavour, texture, colour, and I would not trade it for anything.


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## Loveternity (Aug 3, 2011)

I'm afraid of the exact opposite; feeling nothing, feeling empty. It's happened before and it scared me and disgusted me. I wish it never happens again.

Pain, hate, despair... I'll take them over apathy any day.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

I think I'm afraid to _feel_ love. The thought of falling head over heels in love with someone petrifies me a little 

In previous relationships I have considered at the time that I was _in love._ However, looking back, I now question the validity of these feelings. Was I in fact just obsessed with the notion of _being in love? _Of course, it doesn't help that I was unfortunately in a very bad relationship for many years with a fellow ENFP (a very unhealthy one) 

It's strange. I am a very emotional person; and yet, when it comes to 'love' and romantic relationships, I begin to rationalise _everything. _I become uncharacteristically logical when trying to understand my feelings. I have even been accused of being an emotionless robot by a guy who was interested in me!

Perhaps this is merely the result of bad experiences from my past. But, it is something I am working on! I have spent 5 years avoiding any form of 'romantic' relationship because of this fear. But this is not _who I am. _I'm actually a very playful puppy, full of affection and love!

Maybe I'm afraid to feel because I have supressed these feelings for so long?

Watch out world?! :crazy:


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

I am afraid to feel when I've been wronged. When I forgive someone, I am afraid to feel trusting of them again. I am afraid to feel safe with them.

I am also terrified of hope and excitement. Too many disappointments to justify looking forward to something. I've trained myself not to get excited over things until they are actually happening.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

Cerebro said:


> However, at the end of the day, I can't NOT feel. When I listen to music, or play music, when I read a story or write a paper, when I wish to understand what holds someone back, and help them live to their potential, I need to feel. It is in my blood. I may never experience genuine "happiness", but feeling gives life flavour, texture, colour, and I would not trade it for anything.


This part here is beautiful :happy: This is also why I'm so glad that I have my INFJ friend in my life, (well, I think that's his type!) When I lost and cut myself off from the world and from emotion; he was the only one who could reach me. He was the one who made me realise that I had to start _feeling _again. I remember, I HATED him for this! I was so angry at him for accusing me of not being true to myself. We had a huge argument and I swore I would never speak to him again. I think this reaction really goes to illustrate how much his words affected me. The truth hurts. He knew this; and gave me space I needed to heal and grow.

Sometimes I struggle to understand my dear friend. But somehow, what you've just said makes me appreciate him even more. So, thank you!


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## chimeric (Oct 15, 2011)

I'm bad at feeling anger in the moment, but I don't consciously suppress it. It just gets shut off by shock, and I'm left numb, out of my body, and responding on autopilot.


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## radeness (Jul 9, 2012)

Yes. It clouds my judgement and I do idiotic, stupid, and embarrassing things. And I don't want that.


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