# ISTJ male in a relationship with an ESFP female



## Dale Brooks (Jun 17, 2013)

she has me wanting to pull my hair out most times for doing the silliest things. she lies for no reason. especially, when the truth would be more helpful to her situation. I just feel like she is in constant denial or just incompetent. recently, I've been trying to help her get her financial life in order. her credit is shot. she has a repossession and now daddy has been furnishing her a car for the past three years. his health hasn't been the greatest as of late. and I had been telling her for a long time that she needs to take care of her business so she can become more independent. 

now things are getting bad to the point that her folks are hitting her up for cash to help them pay bills and she is upset about it. I reminded her that they do pay for her car. and she is sitting on about 10k cash that she can use to buy her own car. she was hold that money (because I stay on her) to settle off a few debts. but no one is willing to settle at an amount she can afford. so I told her well.. first things first. since you can't do anything about that. why don't you now use the money to buy your own car cash. give your folks back their car so they can get rid of the payments (that she's not helping with). she was like. why should I do that? then she becomes a boohoo bag of tears exclaiming how she's a big failure. I told her won't it feel good and like you accomplished something by getting your car again and relieving your folks of a financial burden? she said. "No. it will not make me feel good!" at they point I just said whatever man. do what you want to do. I'm just telling you what makes sense. then she left in a huff. later on she will say that this was all my fault. because when I give her advice and concise instructions on how to carry something out. she will NOT do it. come back later and say it didn't work like I said it would and yell. "I didn't know what to do! Nobody told me anything!"


Help! Please!​


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## Dale Brooks (Jun 17, 2013)

deleted post.


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## Marie Claire (Aug 12, 2011)

Money is the number one reason people get divorced/break up. Are you sure that you want to be in a relationship with someone who can't manage money? It would be a deal breaker for me. Judging from what you've written, it would seem that your relationship is similar to a parent/child. Basically, I think that you have to let her deal with her problem herself, unless she asks you for help. The advice you have given her so far has not been appreciated, so see how she handles her financial problems without your input. The bottom line is that she is an adult and needs to be able to stand on her own two feet.


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## Ballast (Jun 17, 2013)

Well...hmm.

She sounds to me like she has some issues that you can't fix. And, as you said: 



> first things first. since you can't do anything about that...


So what can you do? Is this a relationship worth hanging on to? If it is, can you find a way to let her make her own mistakes and manage her own money? If not, would you feel satisfied in letting her go?

If the relationship were a car that were having major issues that kept requiring you to take it to the shop to fix and sink more and more money into, would it be worth keeping?

If so, what's the next step you can take? You know you can't change her or make her see your reasoning.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

I know an ESFP female just like this. Let me tell you, you can't fix it. It is what it is. 

Personally, I think you should evaluate your relationship. It sounds like you have a lot of frustration built into it. But whatever you choose to do is up to you. I'm just an internet ghost.


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