# Im feeling very worried and paranoid about my degree



## UnknownObservantTortoise (Feb 7, 2012)

If you are averse to explicit language or dont want to read somethign slightly depressing, dont read this post. Thankyou.


I feel like I'm just perpetuating a stereotype here, but I'm a first year student of psychology and I've dug myself so much of a hole I dont think I'll be able to get out. I don't know where I'm going wrong in essays (latest marks being 42% and 38%), I've missed so many lectures at this point that I'm missing basic information that other people are easily and proficiently discussing with me (and subsequently im not understanding) and I feel so fucking shit every single day that I'm having difficulty remembering things that I would remember easily if I were in a better state of mind ( ive googled what a standard deviation is literally dozens of times and I_ still cant remember now. _I have no friends here and no hobbies, haven't landed a single audition for any play I've gone for despite actual effort on that front, and have discussed my precarious situation and psyche extensively with counselors and tutors to absolutely no avail. My spelling is deteriorating as well. Seriously, I cant remember words anymore that I knew when I was 9 for fucks sake.

I cant even look my family in the face. Year after year my attitude lifestyle and grades have gone down. I dont want them to know that after a year of independence its got even worse.

I debated over posting this cry for help alot of times over the last week but I'm doing it because I feel so pathetic at this point that feeling any more shame is just like pouring a jug of water on an iceberg. Shame is basically all I have.


I think I just wanted to vent. Maybe it might help me pass on this essay I'm writing tomorrow. I havent missed a deadline yet at least, even if the work quality is utter shit.


So my question is, can anyone relate or give advice? Im just realy quite unable to solve this mess myself. I cant trust myself with paying attention to anything for longer than about 5 minutes so I'm eager to her the input of others.



P.S. APA referencing can go shaft itself with a barge pole. Seriously, I've lost marks before just because my margins werent aligned precisely to 1", or my font was size 11 instead of 12. I appreciate that most of my problems are my own fault but so much of this course is balanced upon your mastery of tedious and hyper specific formalities.


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## lizw47 (Jan 12, 2015)

I can tell from your post that you are suffering a lot right now and are in a lot of pain. It sounds like this pain and these feelings have been going on for several years now... and now that you are in college they seem to be getting stronger and more depressing.

Depression isn't something that goes away on its own. If you have been feeling like this for a long time, you need to talk to somebody about it. I know you said you have tried counselors before and they weren't very helpful. I had to go through many counselors myself before I had somebody who was a good "fit." Find a counselor who will listen to you and guide you through the problems you are having. They will offer you lasting solutions to help you.

You deserve to be happy!!!


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## Fascist (Dec 22, 2014)

Get into a fight.

Seriously.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

UnknownObservantTortoise said:


> If you are averse to explicit language or dont want to read somethign slightly depressing, dont read this post. Thankyou.
> 
> 
> I feel like I'm just perpetuating a stereotype here, but I'm a first year student of psychology and I've dug myself so much of a hole I dont think I'll be able to get out. I don't know where I'm going wrong in essays (latest marks being 42% and 38%), I've missed so many lectures at this point that I'm missing basic information that other people are easily and proficiently discussing with me (and subsequently im not understanding) and I feel so fucking shit every single day that I'm having difficulty remembering things that I would remember easily if I were in a better state of mind ( ive googled what a standard deviation is literally dozens of times and I_ still cant remember now. _I have no friends here and no hobbies, haven't landed a single audition for any play I've gone for despite actual effort on that front, and have discussed my precarious situation and psyche extensively with counselors and tutors to absolutely no avail. My spelling is deteriorating as well. Seriously, I cant remember words anymore that I knew when I was 9 for fucks sake.
> ...


You have to develop a militaristic style of typing essays and studying if you are a psych student.

APA format: Purdue Owl
For more focus: L-Theanine with GABA + Relora


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## Fascist (Dec 22, 2014)

strawberryLola said:


> You have to develop a militaristic style of typing essays and studying if you are a psych student.
> 
> APA format: Purdue Owl
> For more focus: L-Theanine with GABA + Relora


Are you a drug addict?


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

UnknownObservantTortoise said:


> P.S. APA referencing can go shaft itself with a barge pole. Seriously, I've lost marks before just because my margins werent aligned precisely to 1", or my font was size 11 instead of 12. I appreciate that most of my problems are my own fault but so much of this course is balanced upon your mastery of tedious and hyper specific formalities.


Look for Riverpoint writer. It's a free plug-in to word that will take care of margins, citing sources, references, all of that stuff. It was a life saver for me during my Masters.


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## UnknownObservantTortoise (Feb 7, 2012)

bigstupidgrin said:


> Look for Riverpoint writer. It's a free plug-in to word that will take care of margins, citing sources, references, all of that stuff. It was a life saver for me during my Masters.


TY for the input, I'll check it out. Though I dont want to get too reliant on it so I'll work with formatting it myself for the rest of first year I think.


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## UnknownObservantTortoise (Feb 7, 2012)

lizw47 said:


> I can tell from your post that you are suffering a lot right now and are in a lot of pain. It sounds like this pain and these feelings have been going on for several years now... and now that you are in college they seem to be getting stronger and more depressing.
> 
> Depression isn't something that goes away on its own. If you have been feeling like this for a long time, you need to talk to somebody about it. I know you said you have tried counselors before and they weren't very helpful. I had to go through many counselors myself before I had somebody who was a good "fit." Find a counselor who will listen to you and guide you through the problems you are having. They will offer you lasting solutions to help you.
> 
> You deserve to be happy!!!


Thankyou for your kind response. I may try switching counsellor. I honestly dont really think I can relate information very well to the person im going to now. I think that outburst may have helped though because I feel alot better today. There are always up and downs but I should enjoy this calm whilst it lasts.


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## UnknownObservantTortoise (Feb 7, 2012)

Fascist said:


> Get into a fight.
> 
> Seriously.


I'm not sure how getting into a fight would help? Even if there was a good enough reason, I don't exactly have any enemies, or reasons to fight anyone.


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## Yamato (Dec 21, 2014)

UnknownObservantTortoise said:


> If you are averse to explicit language or dont want to read somethign slightly depressing, dont read this post. Thankyou.
> 
> 
> I feel like I'm just perpetuating a stereotype here, but I'm a first year student of psychology and I've dug myself so much of a hole I dont think I'll be able to get out. I don't know where I'm going wrong in essays (latest marks being 42% and 38%), I've missed so many lectures at this point that I'm missing basic information that other people are easily and proficiently discussing with me (and subsequently im not understanding) and I feel so fucking shit every single day that I'm having difficulty remembering things that I would remember easily if I were in a better state of mind ( ive googled what a standard deviation is literally dozens of times and I_ still cant remember now. _I have no friends here and no hobbies, haven't landed a single audition for any play I've gone for despite actual effort on that front, and have discussed my precarious situation and psyche extensively with counselors and tutors to absolutely no avail. My spelling is deteriorating as well. Seriously, I cant remember words anymore that I knew when I was 9 for fucks sake.
> ...


Well i know wat and how eepression is myself . Personaly i myself ussaly go for non perscript medicen as temporary solution .
under those medicen things like a bottle of jack or smoking a joint or combining those two would fall . I recomend u only use those at days that it doesent matter u use it . like a evening befor a day of from school/collage/university or work and use the free day to sober up . I also recomand to use it in group settings as group teraphy , it also minnamizes the chanches to get even more depressif by the feeling of lonelines when ussing it allone . Also much more fun to use those meds in group setting ^^


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

UnknownObservantTortoise said:


> P.S. APA referencing can go shaft itself with a barge pole. Seriously, I've lost marks before just because my margins werent aligned precisely to 1", or my font was size 11 instead of 12. I appreciate that most of my problems are my own fault but so much of this course is balanced upon your mastery of tedious and hyper specific formalities.


I liked your post not to be a dick but because of this part. I was a psych major and I feel your pain. Lol. When you can find it, go to the APA citation on online articles and copy/paste. If it isn't formatted exactly right, make the edits manually. Still way easier than doing it completely manually. I had a graduate TA say she still needs to look up how to do APA citations..so.. that made me feel better about it. Because honestly even if you have the rules/format memorized, you are still going to screw up manual entry because of human error.

As far as the rest of your post... it does sound like depression or some kind of mental health issue but you didn't state that outright in your post? Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or anything else? 

I took some time off in college because I struggled with anxiety attacks (and then with meds, and then going off the meds...) eventually when I was able to be off meds and function well enough, I started to get A's. Before that I was doing kind of the same thing as you. In my case being ON meds became the problem, but I still think taking time off to get yourself together mentally can be a good idea sometimes. 

Good luck!


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## Santa Gloss (Feb 23, 2015)

ninjahitsawall said:


> I still think taking time off to get yourself together mentally can be a good idea sometimes.


I second this. When I was depressed, I took a year off, got over my depression, and ironically, I spent this time learning (new things, not schoolwork). My personality evolved. My confidence level shot up. I did a lot of grownup things that were never a part of my teenage plans. It is one of my most memorable years. My ability to get things done and doing them accurately improved radically. 

Taking time off usually requires convincing parents, which is hard. But it was worth it for me. Should you decide that taking time off is not the solution for you, that's fine too! You might find another solution that works for you.

Also, is there tutoring in your school? I think most colleges have it. They can probably help you with editing papers and stuff.


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## MrT (Feb 21, 2016)

First of all I would definitely recommend finding a counselor that you feel comfortable with. Honestly, you need to be able to feel comfortable and completely express yourself to them if you want the best feedback possible.

Have you ever tried exercising when you're upset? When you exercise you release endorphin's, making for a very good stress-relief tactic. 

Also, do you have ADD or ADHD?


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

UnknownObservantTortoise said:


> If you are averse to explicit language or dont want to read somethign slightly depressing, dont read this post. Thankyou.
> 
> 
> I feel like I'm just perpetuating a stereotype here, but I'm a first year student of psychology and I've dug myself so much of a hole I dont think I'll be able to get out. I don't know where I'm going wrong in essays (latest marks being 42% and 38%), I've missed so many lectures at this point that I'm missing basic information that other people are easily and proficiently discussing with me (and subsequently im not understanding) and I feel so fucking shit every single day that I'm having difficulty remembering things that I would remember easily if I were in a better state of mind ( ive googled what a standard deviation is literally dozens of times and I_ still cant remember now. _I have no friends here and no hobbies, haven't landed a single audition for any play I've gone for despite actual effort on that front, and have discussed my precarious situation and psyche extensively with counselors and tutors to absolutely no avail. My spelling is deteriorating as well. Seriously, I cant remember words anymore that I knew when I was 9 for fucks sake.
> ...


Te and Si shutting down.

Eating several yolks (choline + inositol) a day may help. Just don't combine with high carb.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

@_UnknownObservantTortoise_

Get pissed off enough to break out of this slump. Go to your profs and ask them for help. Colleges have counselors, go talk to them. You keep asking for help, and keep talking, until you find a way to get your shit together. The world is better with you in it, now find your bliss (or let it find you) and hang on for the ride!


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

UnknownObservantTortoise said:


> Seriously, I cant remember words anymore that I knew when I was 9 for fucks sake.
> 
> I cant even look my family in the face. Year after year my attitude lifestyle and grades have gone down. I dont want them to know that after a year of independence its got even worse.


This already happened to me. You failed college basically, and you're still stuck in the phase where you're in the midst of the failure, and trying to escape the shame of it.

1) Despite how this may disappoint your family, you do not have to be ashamed.
2) This does not dictate who you are, nor your value to others and society. You can live a productive life in-spite of failing at college.
3) You can still succeed in college, if you want to, but I am going to suggest taking a step back and getting in a better frame of mind first. It's better to just let the failure take it's course, maybe take a semester off from college or do a light semester, and then try again at something different, if you want to continue with college.
4) If you decide to resume college, as an optional suggestion, you could consider a 2 year community college where you get something like an associates and they are easier on the students, but perhaps teach material better. You can always transfer back to a Uni after you get a 2 year degree.




> I debated over posting this cry for help alot of times over the last week but I'm doing it because I feel so pathetic at this point that feeling any more shame is just like pouring a jug of water on an iceberg. Shame is basically all I have.


I failed out of college too, and I went through everything you're feeling. What I learned from the experience was that what I was doing was not what I wanted for my life, but I was only able to see that AFTER I had completely failed and began moving in a different and better direction.

In my case, it ended up being very positive. I moved back home to discover my whole family was depressed and upset because I had not been home with them. My little sister got to spend more time with me during her teenage years because I went to a local community college, and this helped her have a more positive viewpoint on life where her older brother loved her.

Failure is really an opportunity to learn, and change your life in a new direction.



> So my question is, can anyone relate or give advice? Im just realy quite unable to solve this mess myself. I cant trust myself with paying attention to anything for longer than about 5 minutes so I'm eager to her the input of others.
> 
> P.S. APA referencing can go shaft itself with a barge pole. Seriously, I've lost marks before just because my margins werent aligned precisely to 1", or my font was size 11 instead of 12. I appreciate that most of my problems are my own fault but so much of this course is balanced upon your mastery of tedious and hyper specific formalities.


It could be that you could still pull out of the mess, I don't know how bad it is for you.

I eventually graduated college and have a great job.

I learned to fail my way through college. What I mean by this, is I learned to manage failure at college.

Some semesters, I would realize I have got myself into a bad situation, and what I would do is take the early-exit clause some colleges allow, and I would do it for specific classes. Some colleges allow you to pay, and then early-exit without bad marks, or partial refunds. Costs you more, but it is necessary at times.

Also, there are times when you are failing a class and you need to cut your losses and take the failure in that course to focus on the rest of your course load and recover. Depends on the rules of your college, but I ended up going to one where it didn't matter if I got a failed class here and there as I went through college so long as my GPA didn't drop below a certain level. And then they would fix my GPA when I retook the class.


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## UnknownObservantTortoise (Feb 7, 2012)

ninjahitsawall said:


> I liked your post not to be a dick but because of this part. I was a psych major and I feel your pain. Lol. When you can find it, go to the APA citation on online articles and copy/paste. If it isn't formatted exactly right, make the edits manually. Still way easier than doing it completely manually. I had a graduate TA say she still needs to look up how to do APA citations..so.. that made me feel better about it. Because honestly even if you have the rules/format memorized, you are still going to screw up manual entry because of human error.
> 
> As far as the rest of your post... it does sound like depression or some kind of mental health issue but you didn't state that outright in your post? Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or anything else?
> 
> ...



Thanks very much for the response. No, I haven't been explicitly diagnosed with anything ( I previously heard a fair amount of anecdotal evidence that mental health services in my home area arent the greatest, so I avoided most places like that as if it were the plague). Honestly though I reckon I've fallen under 'mild' depression categories for most of my life. Some places its been worse though. No idea whether theres a chemical element so I guess I'm in the dark there.

And yeah I keep looking on the internet for APA referencing guidelines and I constantly see _professionals _using it wrong, or being confused about certain aspects. Seems the harsh marking may just be there so that at least people get most of it right, if not all.


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## UnknownObservantTortoise (Feb 7, 2012)

Razare said:


> This already happened to me. You failed college basically, and you're still stuck in the phase where you're in the midst of the failure, and trying to escape the shame of it.
> 
> 1) Despite how this may disappoint your family, you do not have to be ashamed.
> 2) This does not dictate who you are, nor your value to others and society. You can live a productive life in-spite of failing at college.
> ...



Honestly I think I can pull this year together. It's only first, and I already got a 1st (Im in the UK so the system is different) so I should be able to weather the recent fuck ups with that. I think it balances out. Unfortunately though, if I get a low average I just fail outright so if I screw up again I'm either out or resitting the whole year. I think I just need to work on one aspect of life at a time and hope that I have enough time to do that before the final workload. I think as long as I can get my mind in the right place I'll start enjoying the course. But yeah if I do that and I dont enjoy it I'll probaby just leave. Surprisingly I worked an extremely boring menial job in a supermarket the last year, constantly talking about how I'd love to go to uni... Now I'm here I find myself thinking about how I actually enjoyed that shit job more. 



But you are right. Life has its ups and downs.


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## UnknownObservantTortoise (Feb 7, 2012)

MrT said:


> First of all I would definitely recommend finding a counselor that you feel comfortable with. Honestly, you need to be able to feel comfortable and completely express yourself to them if you want the best feedback possible.
> 
> Have you ever tried exercising when you're upset? When you exercise you release endorphin's, making for a very good stress-relief tactic.
> 
> Also, do you have ADD or ADHD?



I've never been diagnosed but I've often wondered. I have the attention span of a gnat and it often takes several hours to write even 1000 words.

Also I never got the whole exercise thing, I've tried this before but I've never felt any rush from exercise. I remember I did a solid gym workout for 2h 30m once with a friend, but that only really only got the self satisfaction of having gone to the gym for once. Never experienced this mythical rush. Exercise in fact usually just makes me tired and less agreeable haha. I do like light walking though. Theres a forest near my Uni accomodation so I think I'm going to frequent it in the mornings. Until you posted this I actually forgot about it.


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## MrT (Feb 21, 2016)

UnknownObservantTortoise said:


> I've never been diagnosed but I've often wondered. I have the attention span of a gnat and it often takes several hours to write even 1000 words.
> 
> Also I never got the whole exercise thing, I've tried this before but I've never felt any rush from exercise. I remember I did a solid gym workout for 2h 30m once with a friend, but that only really only got the self satisfaction of having gone to the gym for once. Never experienced this mythical rush. Exercise in fact usually just makes me tired and less agreeable haha. I do like light walking though. Theres a forest near my Uni accomodation so I think I'm going to frequent it in the mornings. Until you posted this I actually forgot about it.


You should go and get tested. I believe a lot of Universities offer the testing for $100.00 - if you have the money laying around. Either way, from what you said it sounds like there's a possibility you might have it. It makes doing even the simplest of things much more complex because so many external parameters (like someone eating chips in the background) can get in the way of progress being made.

I don't often feel any sort of "high" while exercising, but post-workout it seems to help snap me back into focus. It might just be a me thing.. but if I'm really having a hard time getting motivated to do anything, for whatever reason even just a 15 - 20 minute jog can help me out. 

That's also sick that you have a good place to go to. Nature walks are pretty therapeutic from my experiences :O


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