# What do you think of guys w/ one night stands?



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

tinker683 said:


> Many guys (but not all) are capable of seperating the emotional baggage that can come along with sex and just see it as fulfilling a physical need. Once that's been done, they move on to the next thing. It's nothing personal against you, he just needs to be clear what he expects out of his relationship with you.
> 
> Me personally, I can't do it. I tried once and it was awkward and weird and ended badly. Whenever I have sex I almost always get emotionally attached to her as well and as such I just stay away from one-night flings. If you can do it, cool, more power to you, but it's not for me.


Many people*

As I said in my last post to her, it's a flaw in thinking to generalize and say 'men' - because then it raises paranoia and suspicion, making it look like most men are leg humping dogs with no integrity. Either gender can do this, and it depends on the individual. If you need, I can go on a tangent about why, scientifically, many women are promiscuous. But I think perhaps you are bright enough to see the error in your thinking on this one, anyway. People typically just don't put much thought into the dangers of generalizing when it comes to gender. As someone else said in another post.. it isn't just men who do this. Who was he having the one night stand -with?-

I think these gender witch hunts are started in part because of who we date. Well.. if you are heterosexual, and a female, you are dating men - and thusly your romantic problems are with men. So, you have issues with them and generalize, saying "men" do [this] - well.. it goes both ways. Men in bad relationships are victimized by women. "Women" do [this]. Both incorrect. 

*Some*. *People*. fuck up. Now -that- is more correct.


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## KateAusten (Feb 6, 2010)

wanderingsoul said:


> Recently my bf told me that he got really drunk and had a one night stand with a girl at a bar couple of years ago. We've just been dating recently so I was pretty surprised when I found out. He said he regretted it and would never do it again but knowing he has those tendencies in him is making me re-evaluate him more. I mean... why the hell do guys do that? And if they do that, does that mean they're prone to cheating more in a relationship? I don't know... I'm afraid to discuss it w/ my friends because it's just so embarrassing. Having a one night stand is something I would never do so if he did something like that before, does that mean we have different stances? It scares me to think that he can just have casual sex with random girls... even if it was only once...


The regret would turn me off more than the sex. Why the need to judge himself morally for doing something that hurt no one and (hopefully) gave two people a little enjoyment? Why can't he just look at it as something he tried, didn't like, and then decided not to do again? 

As for why people have one night stands: Sex is fun. We can all analyze it to death here but that's what it mostly comes down to. It's the most fun with someone you love, but if someone you love isn't available, it's still fun with strangers or friends. A lot of people, when an opportunity to do something fun without hurting anyone, presents itself, tend to take it. Not because they are self-loathing or have no morals or anything like that. I've had them, and I'm not a guy. When you're single, your options are to go without, have a friend/acquaintance with benefits, or have one night stands. Going without is no fun and FWB relationships get messy and awkward, so...

But ultimately, compatible values are important. If you really can't see yourself with someone who would ever do this, maybe he's not for you. But if it's something he did once and hasn't done in years, then he probably isn't even in favor of one night stands, he probably has similar values to yours and just slipped up once. If the relationship is good, try to let it go. You've certainly done something in the past that he would disapprove of, too.


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## Blackbird (Jan 14, 2010)

Promethea said what I wanted to say in a more grating way. I find that saying things like "calm down," and "don't be so ___" is not only unhelpful, it's disrespectful of the person's feelings. I think it's known as "tone policing." :|

That said, I think Promethea's right. Society has us freaked out to the extreme and has pitted the genders against each other, when the problem is specific people, and sometimes even ourselves. There is no "problem with men" and there is no "problem with women," but people certainly do like their scapegoats.

I understand being reserved and romantic about sex. There is nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. Some people like to have sex as often as they can, with as many different partners as they can - it is a means of recreation. Other people assign a very heavy, very specific meaning to the act, and that's _just as legitimate and okay_. It's a personal choice. 

I'd like to suggest that you try not to judge your boyfriend too harshly. I have the same attitude towards sex as you do - that is, I want to experience it with someone I trust immensely, feel love for, and want to commit to. However, that does not mean I have never been curious. A few years ago, I was in a rather bad place, and I noticed how most of the people around me viewed sex as recreation, and thought I'd try the idea on for size. I'd started to feel like my deeply-held beliefs on the matter were outdated and silly, and that to break myself free from the shackles of a sheltered religious upbringing and quench my curiosity, I would fool around with some people I didn't care about. Want to know what happened? Surprise! I didn't enjoy it. 

It's very likely that this is what happened with your boyfriend, but if you still feel upset by it, I would talk to him about it. Ask him a few more questions. Not about what happened, unless you find yourself really needing to know, but about his views now, at this point in time. Ask him how he views sex, and commitment, and that kind of thing. It might be scary to talk about, but if all goes well it will bring you two together in understanding. Then you can decide whether or not his views are something you feel comfortable with. People change as they grow older, and they learn and grow, and I'd try to keep that in mind.


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## Streets Monk (Feb 16, 2010)

Kevinaswell said:


> I've had a few.
> 
> Sometimes.....you just get drunk.
> 
> ...



You have a weird way to see thing....

I've been damn drunk and stoned an still can control myself. 

even more if i'm dating someone I can find interesting.


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## backwards (Mar 17, 2009)

Streets Monk said:


> You have a weird way to see thing....
> 
> I've been damn drunk and stoned an still can control myself.
> 
> even more if i'm dating someone I can find interesting.


Hehe, it's not about controlling yourself. It's about taking what you want :wink:


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Blackbird said:


> Promethea said what I wanted to say in a more grating way. I find that saying things like "calm down," and "don't be so ___" is not only unhelpful, it's disrespectful of the person's feelings. I think it's known as "tone policing." :|


Are you serious. Lol. Because you are actually policing my tone. Haaaaaaa~

Anyway.


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## Blackbird (Jan 14, 2010)

Promethea said:


> Are you serious. Lol. Because you are actually policing my tone. Haaaaaaa~
> 
> Anyway.


Haha, I noticed that after I'd posted it. Sorry, man.


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Promethea said:


>


Where did you get this? lol.... It is epic...! How do these guys come up with this stuff?


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## ThatGuy01 (Jan 8, 2010)

fleur de lis said:


> this is a cop-out of the sincerest kind..........
> 
> we're humans, not bonobos........... and the male part of our species is no more severely programmed to want sex than females are........ it's a matter of self-control, really........
> 
> ideally grown-ups take responsibility for their actions, right......?


cop-out or not, men DO have a much higher sex drive.

Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?


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## fleur de lis (Jan 8, 2010)

ThatGuy01 said:


> cop-out or not, men DO have a much higher sex drive.
> 
> Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?


then man up and deal with it........


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## spring (Dec 19, 2009)

What do I think of men (or women) with one night stands? People can argue about practically anything with me, but morality is not one of them. There is no way someone can ever convince me that casual sex is acceptable.

It's probably because I view sex as something incredibly intimate between two people. Essentially they're not only sharing their bodies, they're also sharing their "soul" or just their entire being. The idea of someone else letting their "soul" be touched by someone else they've just met is.... For lack of a better word, indescribable.


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