# Setting the Record Straight About SO-dom



## Lord Bullingdon (Aug 9, 2014)

Sorry I got distracted. I wanted to give you a fair reply.



charlie.elliot said:


> Really? I would expect a SO-dom to really aware of who everyone is... seems to me like it definitely does have to do with networking, social climbing, groups etc. Maybe you were kind of *intentionally* ignoring people in your high school? That would fit with SO-dom.


That's the thing. Social doms report having this instant sense of "who's who"...my brain doesn't do that. That's one of the major reasons I'm doubting it. 

In high school btw, it was sort of both...I didn't know anyone, and I made a point of not wanting to know. I was a reject, that was all I needed. I knew where the reject table was, I sat there at lunch, and everyone else could just go to hell.



> But yeah you're definitely right that SO-dom has a LOT in common with Fe. But I guess Fe centers mainly around the emotional aspect of socializing, not necessary other factors, such as social position, remembering names, etc.


Ah no, Fe _is_ centered around social position--there can be need to address the hierarchy, give each person their due respect. There's time spent considering how to choose just the right word appropriate for the status of the individual so that the whole interaction runs smoothly. Isn't it pernicious? I can't tell the two apart. But I know I make those calculations.



Kink said:


> Right.
> ...
> 
> ...And that's mostly what I can think of right now.^^;


Thanks for your perspective.


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## o0india0o (Mar 17, 2015)

Kipposhi said:


> Sorry I got distracted. I wanted to give you a fair reply.
> 
> 
> That's the thing. Social doms report having this instant sense of "who's who"...my brain doesn't do that. That's one of the major reasons I'm doubting it.
> ...


You have a really funny sense of humor! :laughing:
You're always making me laugh.

I love that your profile says: "Yes, that's actually me in the picture". Ha Ha Ha!

You strike me as a SP/SX or SX/SP personally - - but I seem to be a instinctual variant typing reject, so take it for what it's worth!


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## Lord Bullingdon (Aug 9, 2014)

o0india0o said:


> You have a really funny sense of humor! :laughing:
> You're always making me laugh.


...not sure that's humor...? You mean I'm funny? 



> I love that your profile says: "Yes, that's actually me in the picture". Ha Ha Ha!


But it is... It IS me!



> You strike me as a SP/SX or SX/SP personally - - but I seem to be a instinctual variant typing reject, so take it for what it's worth!


Well I fit the blind spot for sure. But sp/sx would mean I'd have to care about SP stuff, and I've witnessed how awful I am at that (or awful at Si, I dunno)...and SX middle would mean I was somehow "comfortable" there. I am not. I fucking hate that instinct. I think it's between sx/sp and soc/sp. 

But then... no way am I awesome enough to be SX first. Just. No. Way. Like I identify nothing with those people (I guess they could be mistyped, but sheesh). I mean I hate to be one of "those" people, but the SX taint remains. Esp with my core type...just no. 

You see my dilemma.

Anyway, never mind my instinctual woes. I'll just go make a type me thread.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Kipposhi said:


> That's the thing. Social doms report having this instant sense of "who's who"...my brain doesn't do that. That's one of the major reasons I'm doubting it.


_Instant? _How does that even work, though?


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## knife (Jul 10, 2013)

Well each variant is selfish in its own way. Sp is selfish in that it wants to hoard everything to itself. Sx is selfish in that unless we're interested in what you're doing it's easier to climb Mt. Everest than get our attention. And So is selfish in that ... I dunno? ... It spreads itself too thin, dabbles in too much, commits to nothing?

Trying to balance and share my energy is hard. Next to impossible, actually, unless I'm flirting.

BTW @Kipposhi types as lottery numbers/letters ... Clever :tongue:


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## Lord Bullingdon (Aug 9, 2014)

Kink said:


> _Instant? _How does that even work, though?


I think it's just what people are sensitive to, so they tend to intercept each little thing as it arises. I assume it's that way about each of the instincts, but soc is the only one I really hear about.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Kipposhi said:


> I think it's just what people are sensitive to, so they tend to intercept each little thing as it arises. I assume it's that way about each of the instincts, but soc is the only one I really hear about.


Hmm yeah, I guess that makes sense. I mean, I can have some idea who some people are because I might lurk quite a bit and even stalk someone's profile if they're interesting enough (or they pissed me off and I want to find something I can use against them... just kidding =P), but "magically" knowing that stuff sounds a bit funny. I mean, I would like to say I can pick up on power dynamics easily, which I think is similar to this, but even that I'm not _always _​so good at judging. Idk.


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

I want to share something about me and I figured this was the best place to do it. After all, sharing means a lot to me and there is some social element to it, maybe not exactly social instinct but close or can be seen in this context.

Having experiences means a lot to me. A lot. I usually feel like catching up and missing out on a lot of stuff. I've already talked about this, but I still don't understand it. If I envy others, it's generally because they been in places I've never been, or seen movies I haven't heard of, or listen to obscure or underground music I have no clue about. Why so specific? Well, I've been seeing this guy and I want to feel connected to him, but he talks about things I don't know. I feel pushed away, like I wasn't invited to the party or I was invited but I have nothing in common with anyone in the party. I've felt like this before. This wanting to be part of things. And this is where the social instinct kicks in. I realize I really don't want to experience things as much as I want to be able to talk about them. To share them. To have things in common. I watched Breaking Bad (good series by the way) just because two friends were watching it and they couldn't stop talking about it. I felt out of it. I wanted to be in. I wanted to be in their world. I worry about wasting my time in experiences that aren't good to share. I waste too much time trying to see what should I experience next. And I feel it is all because I want to be able to share it later. I also get frustrated when I've experienced things but they do not stay in my memory. They don't trascend and I feel cheated. Why wasting so much time experiencing them if I don't remember them and won't be able to share them with anybody? And I realized I actually don't care if I live the experience, I want to know the experience. That's why I don't care about spoilers. I want to have things in common with people around me. I must admit when I say people I am not talking about anyone. I am selective, so I want to be part of the things I deem the best. So top 40 music and blockbuster movies are out of the question. I want quality, I want to be part of something good but something rare. Well, I caught me again trying to like what the guy I am seeing likes. Just to connect. And I felt like lowering my standards just to be in the same wavelength. Not because he has bad taste (I wouldn't be interested in him if he had bad taste), but because I felt like I was betraying myself in the process. Nothing beats making your own discoveries. I tend to like what I discover. What I felt wasn't influenced by someone else. What feels mine. This is a little counterintuitive for someone that states that sharing means a lot to them. But I guess I want to have something to offer. It would be good to feel someone met an awesome band because of you that you found dumped in a pile of trash. That's why I get excited when I find something and I just want to go out to the world and share it, just like here and now. Just that. I just wanted to share this. Maybe I will find home soon.


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## redneck15 (Mar 21, 2011)

justforthespark said:


> I will formulate a response to this and talk about my experiences as an SO dom at some point soon! I have a final and a show coming up within the next week which is making keeping up with PerC stuff a bit difficult but I want to help set the record straight. I feel like there are definitely a lot of misconceptions about SO, it's seen as the least "desirable" instinct to have... I think more SO users exist on these forums than people think. So yes - responding now so I'm subscribed to this thread, with the intention of actually posting for real sometime later this week or next week after finals are over for me.


I still have a hard time believing that. When I learned about the instincts, I immediately assumed that the SO instinct would be seen as the most desirable. Of course, I'm SO dom . . .


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

@BlackCoffee, yeah I agree, I've never gotten the sense the SO-dom was considered undesirable. I like being SO-dom myself, I won't change it, even though its hard sometimes. 

@0+n*1, yeah I totally get that!! I agree with pretty much all you said. Having experiences WITH people is so important to me. But, then, you get this feeling of, but who am _I_ without other people around? And it also becomes really important to find your OWN contributions to bring to the table, just you know you're also important personally. Its like you NEED to be a group member in order to feel you have an identity at all, but you ALSO need your own personal identity.....

@Kink...... its not magic! Its just as soon as I meet new people or become part of a community, I get to work learning who everybody is, who's friends with who, etc... You can pick up on a lot, quickly, if you care enough. And I do it without even realizing I do it. Its like the social information is this radio wave floating through the air that I pick up on. 

@Kipposhi... "I was a reject and thats all I needed" and "I knew where the reject table was" sounds pretty SO-dom to me.


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## galactic collision (May 1, 2014)

BlackCoffee said:


> I still have a hard time believing that. When I learned about the instincts, I immediately assumed that the SO instinct would be seen as the most desirable. Of course, I'm SO dom . . .


I think that because SO is seen as desirable in society/the world ("it's all about who you know" mentality, kind of), many people here want to say they don't have it because we're all mavericks. Not having the thing that the world wants you to have makes you special, and an outcast, but not in such a terrible way that you can't go on with your daily life. It's just the right amount of going-against-the-grain.

And then there _are_ people who are SO-last. And I'm not trying to say that everyone who claims they're SO-last is whiny or a special snowflake or anything. But I think that's often one of the underlying reasons that people reject SO even if they have it. Because to not have it means that you've got something else to complain about.

Also because I think SO is seen as superficial. I've seen that so many times in various corners of the internet. Many people saying "SO-dom is by far my least favorite kind of person," "SO-doms of this type are annoying," "SO-doms don't know when to leave you alone..." Some of it is a matter of opinion, but damn. We're people.

And to argue that last quoted point, (healthy) SO-doms are one of the types most likely to know when to leave you alone IMO. We pick up on social cues, we can see when someone is feeling something different from the rest of the group. We might attempt to sync you up with the rest of the group so we can all be on the same page and all have a good time, but if you're really not feeling it, we'll probably leave you alone. It might annoy us, but we'll let you go because we have a good understanding of the way people feel as a singular person in a room full of people.

I have always identified myself that way, but not always consciously. I am a person in a room full of people, in a world full of people. I am just one piece of a whole, and I think there are so many more beings out there in the universe. It baffles me. I am a single being, but there are so many other beings out there, and they all have thoughts and feelings and a different life experience than me. No two beings are exactly the same, because no two beings exist in the same exact time and place and have the exact same DNA and cells and molecules and anything else that might make them similar. It blows my mind. I want to get to know everyone in the world intimately, I want to have a deep understanding of the human experience (is there just one? we only have two things in common: hello, and good bye, or: living, and dying). I could say hello to anyone, and say goodbye to anyone - what I want to do is fill up all the space in the middle. Really submerge myself into humanity and roll around in it.

I might be describing SO/SX more than SO by itself.


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

justforthespark said:


> I think that because SO is seen as desirable in society/the world ("it's all about who you know" mentality, kind of), many people here want to say they don't have it because we're all mavericks. Not having the thing that the world wants you to have makes you special, and an outcast, but not in such a terrible way that you can't go on with your daily life. It's just the right amount of going-against-the-grain. And then there _are_ people who are SO-last. And I'm not trying to say that everyone who claims they're SO-last is whiny or a special snowflake or anything. But I think that's often one of the underlying reasons that people reject SO even if they have it. Because to not have it means that you've got something else to complain about. Also because I think SO is seen as superficial. I've seen that so many times in various corners of the internet. Many people saying "SO-dom is by far my least favorite kind of person," "SO-doms of this type are annoying," "SO-doms don't know when to leave you alone..." Some of it is a matter of opinion, but damn. We're people.


 Exactly. I wholeheartedly agree. I find it really weird that a very socially oriented place like a forum with thingies like MOTM and hierarchy of users (post count, thanks count, post rank, that little progress bar behind the username and even join date), with avatars, profiles, signatures, friends, yada yada is low on social doms. Really? REALLY?!!


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## knife (Jul 10, 2013)

Just because someone _likes_ socializing does not mean they are socially _dominant_.

I like socializing (when I can move past my anxieties and start to). I like talking to other people and learning more about them. I like finding out what they know and how they know it. But that does not make a So-dom or even a So-middle. My ability to read body language sucks. I can't read kinesthetic cues the way I can verbal and visual ones. Social organization is not my strong suit and most times I attempt to, it just dies on the vine. And of course, when my ability to sustain socialization energy fades I withdraw, usually without warning.

I think when Sx is fully applied to socializing you can appear a So-dom but that does not naturally mean you are. You're just investing all your energy _into the process of socializing_. True So-doms do not do that. I don't really know _what_ they do, but it sure as fuck is not _that_.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

0+n*1 said:


> Exactly. I wholeheartedly agree. I find it really weird that a very socially oriented place like a forum with thingies like MOTM and hierarchy of users (post count, thanks count, post rank, that little progress bar behind the username and even join date), with avatars, profiles, signatures, friends, yada yada is low on social doms. Really? REALLY?!!


Yeah. Of course, not everyone actually cares about that stuff, and might be here more for, say, the information they can find and stuff. But there's that aspect to this place as well, indeed.

@_knife_
Well, yeah.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

0+n*1 said:


> Exactly. I wholeheartedly agree. I find it really weird that a very socially oriented place like a forum with thingies like MOTM and hierarchy of users (post count, thanks count, post rank, that little progress bar behind the username and even join date), with avatars, profiles, signatures, friends, yada yada is low on social doms. Really? REALLY?!!


Yeah those Sx/SPs who get motm and perfectly wear the belt like a wrestler after a victory. Lmao ok "Sx/sp" huh? Yes, share everything about yourself to everybody like a good Sp user >.>


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## o0india0o (Mar 17, 2015)

Stelliferous said:


> Yeah those Sx/SPs who get motm and perfectly wear the belt like a wrestler after a victory. Lmao ok "Sx/sp" huh? Yes, share everything about yourself to everybody like a good Sp user >.>


I've only been around Personality Cafe for about a month now, what does the "MOTM" label mean?


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

o0india0o said:


> I've only been around Personality Cafe for about a month now, what does the "MOTM" label mean?


Member of the Month. You a get a thread where you answer plenty questions about yourself (Sp's don't like that) and a title next to your name. I've, on multiple occasions, had voiced my disinterest to be motm (I don't care for unequal attention because I've had enough of it in my lifetime). It's a decision made by the people who run the site, and recommendations do have an effect on who becomes the motm. As well as activity level.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Stelliferous said:


> You a get a thread where you answer plenty questions about yourself (Sp's don't like that)


Really?


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## galactic collision (May 1, 2014)

Stelliferous said:


> You a get a thread where you answer plenty questions about yourself (Sp's don't like that)


Yet another reason I have an SP blindspot. I love answering questions about myself. :crazy:


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Kink said:


> Really?


An Sp would reveal enough to satisfy the question. Like if it's "do you like burgers" the answer would be "yes" and not "burgers are the epitome of awesomeness and if you catch me eating three burgers in between a bun, don't be surprised." Followed by a whole paragraph about how burgers make life 100x more enjoyable for him/her. So when I say that Sps don't like answering questions about themselves, I mean that they don't like giving everybody on the site more than enough information about themselves. I see motm posts supposedly by people who are SP, with answers involving their family struggles and detailed stories of particular feelings. As if it's automatic for an SP to answer questions like that for everybody to consume. As an So dom, I'm just not afraid to stand up in front of a classroom and tell everybody about how my dad made my childhood a wreck and that I persevered. It comes out like a butter knife slicing butter. I seek to get motivated by and to motivate other people. Sp concerns the self with motivating the self. And that means it takes considerable effort to change the motion of their thoughts from moving toward their heart to moving outward toward others' hearts. They can answer the question easily to themselves, but revealing all that information outwardly is something else. And I can sense how much work people put into their communication, so it's not the fact that they are revealing everything about themselves to everybody, but the manner in which they are doing so. There is a strong difference between treating the questions like a game and treating the questions like a quest.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

justforthespark said:


> Yet another reason I have an SP blindspot. I love answering questions about myself. :crazy:


I did too, until the attention I got from speaking was too much for me to handle. Because of my particular struggles and feelings which I talked about, it became an "all eyes and ears on me" thing which sort of paralyzed me. I don't like standing out. When I spoke, it just didn't feel like I was a part of the group but instead their toy. I don't mind sharing things, it's the effect of it that bothers me. Like, I know I'm different but that doesn't mean I want to be treated differently. And it's a weird feeling because I don't have that Sp instinct to fall back on, I have to make an effort to reveal less so that I don't turn into somebody who is not equal to other people around me. It's draining having to be so mindful. :/


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Stelliferous said:


> There is a strong difference between treating the questions like a game and treating the questions like a quest.


So who would you say treats them as a game and who treats them as a quest?

Anyway, hm. I would say I enjoy talking about myself, though I guess it can be hard to go in-depth with other people. That could be for a variety of reasons though. It's funny though because now and then I read a MotM interview and I imagine answering the questions myself, and I have "enjoyed" filling out several questionnaires, though they aren't too in-depth I guess. =P And I do remember when I was younger I would be uncomfortable with expectations to express myself/open up in any way, though these days I can feel like I'm ridiculously open.


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

Of course not everyone who is here cares about post count and stuff like that, I am so-strong and I don't care a lot about a lot of that stuff, but I like being thanked or quoted because it makes me feel people acknowledge something about me and they are aware I'm part of this community and I've fantasized about being MOTM but I know I am not very active, so I definitely don't deserve it. But I do think there are more so-strong among us, who are maybe more shy but would love to be recognized as part of this community and place a lot of value in being in an place where they have things in common with other people ("You're an XXXX, me too" kind of talk), specially because this is typology forum and that, I think, makes it even more social. All those threads about "you are a x type if you do y list of things" are good places to feel at home, to feel connected. There's a lot of bonding here.

I wouldn't question those very self-revealing MOTM sx-doms because I know sx-strong individuals can talk verbosely or passionately about themselves since it's part of the game of attraction/repulsion. I also don't think sp shy away from that, but maybe are more self-contained or reserved about it. Everything could be anything.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Being a 4 sx/so is the strangest thing. 

Always wanting to be a part of everything, yet simultaneously feeling so disconnected from the whole world. 

It's like I'm always on the outside looking in. I want to attract people, I want to stand out, I want to be the center of attention, but then I want to hide, I want nobody to notice me, I want to be alone. It doesn't make sense.

I love/simultaneously hate attention.

Edit: I know I'm not SO dom, but I still experience it pretty strongly I think
I relate to everyone's posts here so well.


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## TimeWillTell (Jan 14, 2015)

1st : you d had to convince people that it s not as bad as ppl say => communication campaigns, movies, (video)games, , hack every parental control tool (how d you expand on that?)

2nd : call me if you plan a dramatic increase in lube demands, we will build an empire!

3rd : Let me alone!


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

I get the sense that there may be an overemphasis on groups and conformity when it comes to describing the social instinct. Rather than being the "group" instinct, I think SO is more the "people" instinct. Groups are a part of interaction with people to be sure, but a SO dom doesn't have to be interested in groups. They may just be concerned about companionship or how they are viewed by others rather than wanting to be in a group. As for conformity, that's BS. A lot of social reformers and activists were likely SO dom.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

charlie.elliot said:


> its not magic! Its just as soon as I meet new people or become part of a community, I get to work learning who everybody is, who's friends with who, etc... You can pick up on a lot, quickly, if you care enough. And I do it without even realizing I do it. Its like the social information is this radio wave floating through the air that I pick up on.


Well, obviously it's not actually magic yeah. Still, "radio waves" lol. Don't think I get that. I guess it doesn't help that I'm a bit too self-absorbed to really pick up on much when it comes to other people (I mean, I feel I can have a sense of whether someone else likes me or not, but that's still turning the focus back to myself in a way). At times I've wondered if I would really be able to care about anyone else than myself much, though Enneagram has helped a bit with that, at least.


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

Kink said:


> Well, obviously it's not actually magic yeah. Still, "radio waves" lol. Don't think I get that. I guess it doesn't help that I'm a bit too self-absorbed to really pick up on much when it comes to other people (I mean, I feel I can have a sense of whether someone else likes me or not, but that's still turning the focus back to myself in a way). At times I've wondered if I would really be able to care about anyone else than myself much, though Enneagram has helped a bit with that, at least.


Well, social awareness also really has to do just with yourself..... you're trying to figure out your place in the social world, how to get the most beneficial position ,and the more knowledge you have, the easier it is. You're not the only one, i also feel that I'm primarily self-focused, despite that type nine is supposed to be "other-focused"...., well I am self-focused while also being other-referencing


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Angelic Gardevoir said:


> I get the sense that there may be an overemphasis on groups and conformity when it comes to describing the social instinct. Rather than being the "group" instinct, I think SO is more the "people" instinct. Groups are a part of interaction with people to be sure, but a SO dom doesn't have to be interested in groups. They may just be concerned about companionship or how they are viewed by others rather than wanting to be in a group. As for conformity, that's BS. A lot of social reformers and activists were likely SO dom.


Yeah, that's too much of an over-generalization, and stereotype, isn't it? 

I just find people so fascinating. How we're all so intertwined and connected, and I always thought there was something sort of beautiful about that, even though it makes me cringe only slightly.

The group is always on my mind, but in complete reticence. I'm the creep in the gas-light.


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## redneck15 (Mar 21, 2011)

Angelic Gardevoir said:


> I get the sense that there may be an overemphasis on groups and conformity when it comes to describing the social instinct. Rather than being the "group" instinct, I think SO is more the "people" instinct. Groups are a part of interaction with people to be sure, but a SO dom doesn't have to be interested in groups. They may just be concerned about companionship or how they are viewed by others rather than wanting to be in a group. As for conformity, that's BS. A lot of social reformers and activists were likely SO dom.


I think that's true on the large scale, but probably not on the small scale. I think So dom is going to be a harmonizing/connecting force when they run into a random situation by default. They may decide in a specific instance to go against that, but it should be the exception. And you could also argue that So doms who are reformers aren't actually reformers within their immediate group, but are more like conservators uniting their group against some different group or force.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

BlackCoffee said:


> I think that's true on the large scale, but probably not on the small scale. I think So dom is going to be a harmonizing/connecting force when they run into a random situation by default. They may decide in a specific instance to go against that, but it should be the exception. And you could also argue that So doms who are reformers aren't actually reformers within their immediate group, but are more like conservators uniting their group against some different group or force.


Sure, of course. I wasn't saying that. A person can be radical in political beliefs but still want to bring others together in their interactions, especially to unite them against another group. They may even want to unite and compromise with an opposing group. Being a harmonizer and uniter doesn't make one a conformist.


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## redneck15 (Mar 21, 2011)

Angelic Gardevoir said:


> Sure, of course. I wasn't saying that. A person can be radical in political beliefs but still want to bring others together in their interactions, especially to unite them against another group. They may even want to unite and compromise with an opposing group. Being a harmonizer and uniter doesn't make one a conformist.


Definitely not. Even conformity is an outward technique to gain something.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

charlie.elliot said:


> Well, social awareness also really has to do just with yourself..... you're trying to figure out your place in the social world, how to get the most beneficial position ,and the more knowledge you have, the easier it is. You're not the only one, i also feel that I'm primarily self-focused, despite that type nine is supposed to be "other-focused"...., well I am self-focused while also being other-referencing


Heh, yeah. Like the outside world can be interesting, but mostly insofar it inspires me to figure out more aspects of myself.


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

Really, everybody is a narcissist.


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

Stelliferous said:


> An Sp would reveal enough to satisfy the question. Like if it's "do you like burgers" the answer would be "yes" and not "burgers are the epitome of awesomeness and if you catch me eating three burgers in between a bun, don't be surprised." Followed by a whole paragraph about how burgers make life 100x more enjoyable for him/her. So when I say that Sps don't like answering questions about themselves, I mean that they don't like giving everybody on the site more than enough information about themselves. I see motm posts supposedly by people who are SP, with answers involving their family struggles and detailed stories of particular feelings. As if it's automatic for an SP to answer questions like that for everybody to consume. As an So dom, I'm just not afraid to stand up in front of a classroom and tell everybody about how my dad made my childhood a wreck and that I persevered. It comes out like a butter knife slicing butter. I seek to get motivated by and to motivate other people. Sp concerns the self with motivating the self. And that means it takes considerable effort to change the motion of their thoughts from moving toward their heart to moving outward toward others' hearts. They can answer the question easily to themselves, but revealing all that information outwardly is something else. And I can sense how much work people put into their communication, so it's not the fact that they are revealing everything about themselves to everybody, but the manner in which they are doing so. There is a strong difference between treating the questions like a game and treating the questions like a quest.


Wha?

I'm almost definitely SP-dom and I like answering questions about myself (at my own leisure, and without any pressure, unlike say --in a job interview -- where I HATE answering the questions). I like when my mind is stimulated and I have to think, I like exploring intrapersonal matters, I like to have the opportunity to express stuff I wouldn't normally express. Maybe because I feel so stifled and misunderstood/unheard/ignored the rest of the time  I'm also a Four.

I guess basically... yes, I AM going to be careful with how much information I give out, IF I feel some actual reason to protect myself or hoard that info. There are plenty of times where this is the case. But if it's something fun and thought-provoking, and I won't feel "exposed" or a sense of loss by "giving away" the info, I'll happily share/answer questions about myself....


...that said, I'm referring to like, internet surveys and questions. I like to write, I process and express information well this way. But if asked a bunch of questions in real life, I'd probably give very minimal answers, that's true.


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## WardRhiannon (Feb 1, 2012)

Please delete. Wrong post.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I like cooperating with others. I like helping others, but it doesn't mean I always want to be in the thick of the crowd. I like to socialize, but there are times when I just want to be left alone too. There's a certain amount of safety and security to be found in contributing to something bigger than one's self. A group of minds is exponentially better at solving problems and will be greater at protecting everyone from danger. It is an instinctual survival strategy, just like Sx and Sp. 

That's my initial understanding, but I realize it has to go deeper than this, especially for a 5, who is supposed to be a withdrawn type, and is often identified with Sp, rather than So or Sx. 

As an "Observer," I love people-watching. I especially enjoy watching interactions between two or more people. Sometimes, I think being a So dom 5 makes me especially vulnerable to mistakenly thinking I'm a part of those interactions when I'm actually not. This used to cause me a great deal of problems when I was younger, because, just because I had heard and understood what others were discussing, and may even have had a thought, or opinion, about it, I was essentially "butting in" on their conversation, because _I had somehow imagined myself to be a part of it in my own head._ I didn't realize there was a social boundary I was violating, because in my own head, I felt like I had become a part of the interaction.

My desire to help others can also cause me to insinuate myself into situations where my assistance wasn't requested. Sometimes I could make this work for me, and sometimes I would find myself being told to mind my own business. My desire to share knowledge in order to be helpful could also be a source of frustration, because many times, others would perceive this as me trying to "show off," or be a "know-it-all," rather than as an honest attempt to be useful to others. 

As I've gotten older, I've become more aware of these shortcomings, and have gone to great lengths to correct them. I am valued for being a good listener, and being able to determine whether my advice is being sought, or whether the person just wants to "vent." My urge is to offer solutions to the problem, but I now know that isn't what everyone is looking for.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Quernus said:


> Wha?
> 
> I'm almost definitely SP-dom and I like answering questions about myself (at my own leisure, and without any pressure, unlike say --in a job interview -- where I HATE answering the questions). I like when my mind is stimulated and I have to think, I like exploring intrapersonal matters, I like to have the opportunity to express stuff I wouldn't normally express. Maybe because I feel so stifled and misunderstood/unheard/ignored the rest of the time  I'm also a Four.
> 
> ...


Well I do spend a lot of time on the internet and sometimes it's hard to separate life on and off. I know all my SP friends IRL always tell me I'm weird for telling the cash register lady that I just got back from a party and they had no food so I'm just getting something to snack on. Like he straight up feels embarrassed over things like that and will tell me in the car. Like wtf does it matter to a random person? And how is shit like that embarrassing? It's like SP's have this sense of "normal" that I don't have a clue what it means.

*"I like to have the opportunity to express stuff I wouldn't normally express. *- I have to keep in mind that the internet is a place where people go to be different. For myself though, I'm the same online as I am offline.. so it's easy to forget.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Would you (general you) say a focus on dynamics is So-ish, even if it's between just two people?


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