# How do your dominant and secondary instincts interact?



## leafling (Dec 15, 2011)

I hope this hasn't been posted before. I checked and didn't see anything. 

So, the title is self-explanatory. How do your dominant and secondary instincts interact with each other? 
From what I've read, the secondary instinct supports the dominant instinct. You also indulge in your secondary instinct when your dominant gets too overworked or neurotic, etc.

For example, if you're So/Sp, how does your Sp support your So? How do you take a break from Sp and indulge in So? 

I'm just really curious to see how these interactions work from a more personal perspective, and how they can also vary between individuals of the same type. :happy:

(I won't post an example, as I'm _still _not 100% sure on my stacking. I'm leaning towards sp/sx more than ever, though.)


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## darude11 (Jul 6, 2011)

5w6 SP/SO/SX... I can't for sure tell, but there are some interactions.

When I have to decide between self-satisfaction and others-satisfaction, I mostly choose self one.

I didn't find any "other one" yet. I have problems with falling in love - either I feel no emotion to anybody and can't find anybody, who would satisfy need for lover, or I feel too much emotion, and ruin it too soon. That is (I guess) caused by order of my instinctual variants - either feel no emotion to girls (SX being last) or try too hard and ruin it too soon (SP first)

I prefer to see girls as friends before seeing them as lovers (SO before SX).

I don't see right now any other interactions. If you wanted dominant/secondary (SP/SO in my case) interactions, well... maybe only one I see now is "Need to have some time for myself", thus leaving party way too often).


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## Bearlin (Feb 14, 2013)

im so/sx. i use sx to satisfy soc.


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## Bluity (Nov 12, 2012)

5 SP/SO/SX. Let's see...

Whenever I join a group, the first question is always "What can this group give me?" rather than "What can I give to the group?" It's understood that everyone is here to further their own goals, and I would never expect someone to sacrifice their own interest for the group if they aren't getting something in return. I've left groups when I felt they were asking too much of me. For example, some members from a TV production class I took wanted to start their own production company and wanted me to pitch in. I left because 1]everyone and their grandmother wants to start their own company, what makes them think they'll succeed? and 2]I'm not parting my hard earned cash to fund other people's dreams. I took the class to learn stuff, I didn't really want to DO any movies or commercials or what not. 

I also notice relationships between members. I'll notice Person A likes to lead the group, but Person B is actually scheming with Person C to steer the group in a new direction. Person B keeps challenging Person A though Person A is willing to compromise, while Person C is trying to keep the peace and doesn't choose sides, and Person D is blissfully oblivious to everything. I do the same thing on online groups, taking note of which members have titles, have been there longest, are liked or reviled, post certain types of threads, butt heads with each other, etc. I don't do anything with this info, but I find it fun in a social experiment sort of way.

I can't socialize for crap. But I "indulge" my SO by joining groups over common interests, so we don't really talk to each other so much as we talk about the shared activity. I used to be naive and think I could work with a group for a good cause just because, but I can't. I need to get something out of it. The cause better affect me directly or I can't give a damn.

Regardless, I almost always dump the group to go solo i.e. I'll stop going to a volunteering group and just go volunteering by myself. 

In short, I do SO to support my SP, but I do SP for its own sake. Don't get me started with SX, I don't know what purpose I can use it for.:dry:


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## meridannight (Nov 23, 2012)

sx/sp.
one of the most striking things that comes to mind is how i am with money. i seem to have no/very little sp where that is concerned. the more i make it the more i spend, the import/export ratio is always the same, most of it going out. saving is of little concern, and i even forgo some of what most people would consider basic necessities for items of pleasure (music, tech, clothes, etc). to me, it feels like sx nearly fully overrides sp in this regard. i have toned down some of my 'consumerism' a little as i've gotten older, giving up spending ridiculous money on some useless little things. so there's been a little sp maturing. it's just striking how sometimes acquiring things like CDs is more important than buying groceries. lol sp.


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## frenchie (Jul 7, 2011)

Being so first and sp secondary makes pretty much all of my interests fall under matters of self preservation. I really enjoy fixing things, working on cars, and the like. I find there is some weird attraction to me the more i improve myself. I really want to feel something towards others but i get a strange disconnection from most people. If i indulge in that sp secondary instinct and improve my own being as an individual I notice that the sx instinct comes out more naturally.

I also find my core type plays into this. Being a 9 i can see around an issue really easily. I don't get stuck in a rut easily, but i also lack a sort of firm grounding in myself. I can get a grounding, but it breaks down and rebuilds itself a few times a year. It's weird how it happens. 

Either way, it's weird how the sx instinct plays out with me. Everynow and then i find myself have an almost magnetic aura about me and other times it is completely dead. I must be weird haha.


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## leafling (Dec 15, 2011)

darude11 said:


> I don't see right now any other interactions. If you wanted dominant/secondary (SP/SO in my case) interactions, well... maybe only one I see now is "Need to have some time for myself", thus leaving party way too often).


How would you say SO supports your SP? 



Berlin said:


> im so/sx. i use sx to satisfy soc.


That is correct. I'd like to know how exactly. How do you as an individual use sx to satisfy your so?


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## Bearlin (Feb 14, 2013)

leafstone said:


> How would you say SO supports your SP?
> 
> 
> 
> That is correct. I'd like to know how exactly. How do you as an individual use sx to satisfy your so?


like sxfirst i use attraction to connect people but unlike sxfirst adapting, bonding, mirroring and buddy style is implied and intended. too intense contact serves to reach social interests like connection, social network. 
i know a lot of people. lot of connection. after bonding i dont need the intense sx-energy anymore.soc has a choice . its about affection and social connection. a partner also can satisfy soc. though not by the exchange of intense energy but by bonding.

in contrast sx/so uses the social stage to get energetic synergy, so there is a strong reaction and obsession for the energy of persons: either repulsion or attraction . 
sx/so broadcasting is geared towards special persons whereas broadcasting of so/sx is focused on all the people or the people in a sub culture. hence rep, symbols and brands are important for so/sx . in this regard sx/so is more independent and individual. brands are boring and limits energy and rebel style of sx/so.
sx/so is mostly sexualized and strongly attracted without any choice or caring about social aspects (e.g.hierarchy), to put it exagerated.


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## Kitfool (Oct 24, 2012)

I've always known I was sp last, but I only recently realized I was so/sx rather than sx/so. 

Lessee...My number one fixation is observing people, particularly the way they react to me and each other. So if I am looking at this correctly, an Sx/so person would socialize to open up opportunities for intensity and to form close bonds, yet I am kind of the opposite. I form close bonds and intense relationships to kind of spy on people. I like to get close and then soak up information about them. I like to play cupid and consider how two people would behave in a relationship and see if I'm right. Even in my own personal relationships, I am fixated on our "dynamics". I'm not interested in "merging" so much as complementing each other, looking good next to each other and both bringing different, useful traits to the table. 

So, basically I have this internal database of everyone I know, and I'm constantly trying to add more details. The closer/more intimate I get to/with people, the more accurate my ideas about them become. Before that, it's all speculation, which is fun, but not good enough. In my database there is a section called "connections" and I have an idea of how everyone feels about everyone else, including my own, hopefully objective idea of how others view me. I enjoy intensity and relationships, but that is not my fixation. My fixation is hiercharies, connections, impressions and traits. Oh, and context. Intensity to me is completely dependant on context. (and subtext!) It's like the people in my life are characters, and life is just a really long fanfiction. Past interaction has a lot to do with my interest in current and future interaction.

Self preservation is not an issue to me at all. Sx is a passing fancy, and a tool.

Do I sound like a freak?


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## darude11 (Jul 6, 2011)

leafstone said:


> How would you say SO supports your SP?


Oh, yeah.... that was the point I forgot 

I'd say that it supports my SP in way of my desire for friendship. I admit that I need time for myself, but when it comes to social interactions, I choose friendship over love. I friendzoned both girls that liked me, just because I was suspicious about them. Turned out I was right - they wanted me to be their boyfriend, so that boys they were intrested in would be jealous of them. That's why I look at girls more like friends than lovers/partners.

If I was SX/SO/SP (but everything else would remain same), I guess I wouldn't still like parties that much, but what would be difference is that I would back away along with my partner. 

I guess that's all I could add to it right now... if I find out about more things, I'll tell.


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## leafling (Dec 15, 2011)

roastingmallows said:


> Do I sound like a freak?


Not at all, that was really interesting!


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

roastingmallows said:


> I've always known I was sp last, but I only recently realized I was so/sx rather than sx/so.
> 
> Lessee...My number one fixation is observing people, particularly the way they react to me and each other. So if I am looking at this correctly, an Sx/so person would socialize to open up opportunities for intensity and to form close bonds, yet I am kind of the opposite. I form close bonds and intense relationships to kind of spy on people. I like to get close and then soak up information about them. I like to play cupid and consider how two people would behave in a relationship and see if I'm right. Even in my own personal relationships, I am fixated on our "dynamics". I'm not interested in "merging" so much as complementing each other, looking good next to each other and both bringing different, useful traits to the table.
> 
> ...


That was an amazing post, seriously. It's _such _an interesting perspective on the social instinct, very refreshing.


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## illicit iridescence (Dec 31, 2011)

roastingmallows said:


> Lessee...My number one fixation is observing people, particularly the way they react to me and each other. So if I am looking at this correctly, an Sx/so person would socialize to open up opportunities for intensity and to form close bonds, yet I am kind of the opposite. I form close bonds and intense relationships to kind of spy on people. I like to get close and then soak up information about them. I like to play cupid and consider how two people would behave in a relationship and see if I'm right. Even in my own personal relationships, I am fixated on our "dynamics". I'm not interested in "merging" so much as complementing each other, looking good next to each other and both bringing different, useful traits to the table.
> 
> So, basically I have this internal database of everyone I know, and I'm constantly trying to add more details. The closer/more intimate I get to/with people, the more accurate my ideas about them become. Before that, it's all speculation, which is fun, but not good enough. In my database there is a section called "connections" and I have an idea of how everyone feels about everyone else, including my own, hopefully objective idea of how others view me. I enjoy intensity and relationships, but that is not my fixation. My fixation is hiercharies, connections, impressions and traits. Oh, and context. Intensity to me is completely dependant on context. (and subtext!) It's like the people in my life are characters, and life is just a really long fanfiction. Past interaction has a lot to do with my interest in current and future interaction.
> 
> ...


That is quite me  Perhaps we're both freaks then ^^ Some things are different to me though. Btw, 1w9 6w7 4w3 So/Sx here.


*Lessee...My number one fixation is observing people, particularly the way they react to me and each other.*
Maybe it's the same to you, but it depends on my mood, mindset, all the stuff that's on my mind etc. If I'm not preoccupied by something while, let's say travelling in a train or metro, I tend to observe people, feeling like I've blended in among the unknown crowd. Who's sitting next to who. Who's talking with who. Whom of the people that got on board just now at the last stop are together. What are their relations towards one another. Coworkers? Bosses? Family? Couple? And during a presentation: who's listening? Who's doing something else, who's talking with the people next to them? This goes through my mind even if I'm doing the presentation myself, although I try hard to just stick with presenting, lol.

If I'm new to a group, I first try to discover who would be easy to get acquainted with one on one (cause I hate presenting myself publicly), but after a while *if* the situation calls for it, I start trying to assess who I should bond with more. If there's no reason for me to establish a certain position or image within the group, I'll just bond with whomever I feel like. And usually I'm lead through Sx in that.

*I form close bonds and intense relationships to kind of spy on people. I like to get close and then soak up information about them.*
I do, I do hahaha. I'm really curious, I love unearthing whatever they might be hiding. Spying is not really the word I'd use though. I don't feel like I'm spying, but I just want to connect and be part of these people. I want to know their 'secrets' to help them out, give advice, help them heal. I'm looking to form intense bonds to have impact, I suppose. I really feel connected to people when I do that, and to me it sort of... Justifies my being in society, kind of. Like what I'm doing in one-on-ones will be carried further into their lives, and therefore into society. Like rippling waves. It's not like I'm using these bonds to satisfy my yearning to contribute to society and to life... Although it probably sounds like I do. I really do want these bonds to survive, to last, to have intensity. But so far except for one friendship I've made, I've always felt like the bonds I made never really survived, and perhaps never were meant to be like that. 

Like I was a passenger on a train, to have stepped out at a certain stop (being those people's lives), to temporarily stay there and do my thing, and then sneak away, move on unseen. Slipping out of people's life before they even noticed. An eternal traveler of sorts. And I'm so looking for the train stop that I can call my own.

*I like to play cupid and consider how two people would behave in a relationship and see if I'm right.*
I have before xD I'm not good at it, and I like making an uneducated guess about these things actually. xD

*Even in my own personal relationships, I am fixated on our "dynamics". I'm not interested in "merging" so much as complementing each other, looking good next to each other and both bringing different, useful traits to the table.*
This is really interesting to me. I do relate to this a lot, the dynamics, the interaction, the connections... Finding differences and complementing, motivating, inspiring, encouraging one another. But with a *significant other*, there definitely has to be a *minimum* of merging. Having dynamics and making connection is good. However, in this kind of relationship, I need some intensity to it too. And it doesn't have to be all good and sweet all the time. In fact, if we didn't argue or disagree with each other passionately every now and then, I'd get... Well I can fall into a slumber (w9). I stop wanting to improve things. It's a fake state of serenity, a fake state of being satisfied. Being a piece of the puzzle that fits is just not satisfactory. It needs to be more than that. 

I've never really cared about how me and my SO would look like together, as a couple, to others. Actually I remember one of my exes feeling a sort of ashamed about us... She was an inch taller or so (and I'm short), Caucasian, and somewhat overweight. Whereas me, Asian, slender. Yeah, sure, I know we'd be a couple that would be looked at, because uncommon. But I never gave a shit about what they actually thought. They were just people. Unimportant people. Hmmm maybe I'm still a little butthurt over this. xD

In my friendships however, I'm definitely more interested in complementing. Complementing does give me a sense of merging, of becoming a new whole while being two different parts still. But in a relationship, I want and I need more than that.

*Before that, it's all speculation, which is fun, but not good enough.*
Definitely agree to that.

*My fixation is hiercharies, connections, impressions and traits. Oh, and context. Intensity to me is completely dependant on context. (and subtext!) It's like the people in my life are characters, and life is just a really long fanfiction.*
Context is important to me too, although I'm not sure to what degree and how much I'm aware of it/conscious about it. Context facilitates intensity. But I don't always need context. But yeah... I guess I could see life as a sort of fanfiction, although I usually feel more like I'm a sidekick role. Like I'm not a main character, or the goal of my main character is to be a side character in other people's fanfiction. Lol. :/


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## sleeper (Aug 26, 2010)

sx/sp

Being an sx/sp 4w5, I don't give much attention to the world outside of interests and I am driven to make something from them. Sp might be what allows me to turn these all-consuming interests into something material that I can then bring into the world in a consistent, productive way. I think sp adds this level of stability which isn't apparent to me until I'm around someone who has sp last. I am highly aware when something is a bad idea and so rarely _unintentionally_ get whisked away by some fleeting thing if it is going to harm me in the long run. I see so/sx and sx/so peers or friends constantly struggle with this, whereas for me it is a deliberate decision to hurt myself (though the feelings behind this decision are dictating it and not my control over them obviously). Basically sp brings about acute awareness in my case. I will also never assimilate to more than one passion or individual at a time. (That said, I do sacrifice myself a lot and am prone to addiction and obsession.) Anyway, Sp probably keeps me at home a lot to the frustration of my sexual instinct.

I've read and agree that sp falling in the secondary position (so/sp and sx/sp) creates some kind of perfect idea around the aims and needs of the first instinct. There is a certain level of tension created due to a need for perfection. The stronger the secondary sp is in the individual, the more _outwardly subdued_ and _internally blocked_ (and frustrated) the first instinct can be in my opinion. This creates a new kind of intensity and conflict that is both internal and external. In sx/sp's, for example, it can create a kind of palpable brooding that can be unsettling or off-putting to others.


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## Kitfool (Oct 24, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> That was an amazing post, seriously. It's _such _an interesting perspective on the social instinct, very refreshing.


Thank you! I feel proud to bring to light the true nature of So! It's not just about fitting in or being image conscious or any of that nonesense...Not to me at least, though I'd be curious to hear more about other peoples' experience with it.


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## Daeva (Apr 18, 2011)

SX/SO

My first reaction when entering a group, or even just when sitting on a train, is to look for the people who look the most captivating to me. Male or female, that doesn't matter that much (though I have to admit, most are female). Those that manage to capture my interest. Not necessarily by looks, but by personality (or what I make of their personality). Not too many people can do that for me, say 1 or 2 out of 20. When I can't find someone who moves me like that, I'll still try and find someone to put my focus on anyway, someone that does "it" for me a bit more than the others. I need this, for a reason I don't even know. I always do this.

But no one notices this, I'll usually be going around and talk to everyone (or at least be very responsive to others initiating the talk), mirroring the person I'm talking to -to get a feel for them. I'm quite sociable and very approachable, easy to befriend, but I'm always on the lookout for more. I guess you could compare it to a spider, attaching her web to many points to feel the vibrations. And when she finally finds what's she's looking for, she closes in and jumps on her pray, forgetting about everything else.

I talk to the group first, introduce myself to everyone simultaneously. I move with the group. Only after this will I go "deeper" with people individually. 

I see the hierarchy in groups, but I do nothing with this information. The same goes for labels and stuff. I want the connection, I want to reach for the person behind all the tough talk, the labels, the pretending (that's how I perceive it).

I forget most of the things that people say during small talk, I just don't care enough I guess (I really should work on this, I've been told).

The first thing I remember when I think of someone is the connection I have with them, how much I like them.. or not. Only then the other details get through.

Oh, another thing that may or may not have anything to do with this: I always look every single person in the eye when talking to a group. I need to connect when I'm communicating, intensely so.
_
---- Don't pay much attention to the 'flow' in this post, because there is none. These are random thoughts put together, it's not a story.  ----_


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

Berlin said:


> like sxfirst i use attraction to connect people but unlike sxfirst adapting, bonding, mirroring and buddy style is implied and intended. too intense contact serves to reach social interests like connection, social network.
> i know a lot of people. lot of connection. after bonding i dont need the intense sx-energy anymore.soc has a choice . its about affection and social connection. a partner also can satisfy soc. though not by the exchange of intense energy but by bonding.
> 
> in contrast sx/so uses the social stage to get energetic synergy, so there is a strong reaction and obsession for the energy of persons: either repulsion or attraction .
> ...


This is awesome and makes me totally, totally realize my husband is an so/sx, not the so/sp I was considering. It's funny how you compare so/sx with sx/so because that is the things we disagree about. (And I know a 4w5 so/sx and interestingly, he really pays attention to the so/sx things which I find weird, being as he's an independent and individual e-type.)

Thanks


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

sleeper said:


> sx/sp
> 
> Being an sx/sp 4w5, I don't give much attention to the world outside of interests and I am driven to make something from them. Sp might be what allows me to turn these all-consuming interests into something material that I can then bring into the world in a consistent, productive way. I think sp adds this level of stability which isn't apparent to me until I'm around someone who has sp last. I am highly aware when something is a bad idea and so rarely _unintentionally_ get whisked away by some fleeting thing if it is going to harm me in the long run. I see so/sx and sx/so peers or friends constantly struggle with this, whereas for me it is a deliberate decision to hurt myself (though the feelings behind this decision are dictating it and not my control over them obviously). Basically sp brings about acute awareness in my case. I will also never assimilate to more than one passion or individual at a time. (That said, I do sacrifice myself a lot and am prone to addiction and obsession.) Anyway, Sp probably keeps me at home a lot to the frustration of my sexual instinct.
> 
> I've read and agree that sp falling in the secondary position (so/sp and sx/sp) creates some kind of perfect idea around the aims and needs of the first instinct. There is a certain level of tension created due to a need for perfection. The stronger the secondary sp is in the individual, the more _outwardly subdued_ and _internally blocked_ (and frustrated) the first instinct can be in my opinion. This creates a new kind of intensity and conflict that is both internal and external. In sx/sp's, for example, it can create a kind of palpable brooding that can be unsettling or off-putting to others.


This is good for me to read, because I can really see the difference now. Thanks.


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## WardRhiannon (Feb 1, 2012)

To add to the other 4w5s, I'll contribute my so/sp perspective.

Being a social 4 means that I am aware of social norms and relationships and how I fail to compare to them. I don't have the awesome close-knit friendships that a lot of people seem to have or the ease which people seem to navigate social situations. I'm often ashamed of myself because all I want is to be accepted and I just don't measure up. I will go over certain social situations in my head and examine them and ask myself what I could have done better. I am also very critical of society because everything seems fall short of how I believe things should be. 

Having an sp 5 wing makes me very withdrawn in my free time. Most of the time, I withdraw to my "safe haven," or what is better known as my room. I have everything I need in there for entertainment, such as my books and my computer. My sp instinct also makes me hate spending too much money on what I consider to be luxuries or than what is necessary. However, if what I want is a new book or a new movie, I will spend money on those things. I try to stay out of debt so that I'm not beholden to debt companies. I compartmentalize my relationships so that they're easier to handle and I can only deal with them when I have the energy. 

Being 4w5 so/sp means that I can be very withdrawn because of shame of not measuring up to others and having my own little castle. I'm not as withdrawn as I used to be, though, because I'm been pulling myself out of my shell. I also want to make a contribution to the world, whatever that may be.


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## elixare (Aug 26, 2010)

Secondary instinct is meant to serve the dominant instinct

Let's just say that I actively participate/get engaged in for-profit organizations/social institutions/social activities, etc FOR profit 

SP/SO here


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