# Was this a conflicting relation?



## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

From a distance he seemed interesting, deep, even. I was so incredibly attracted to him. I just wanted to get closer to him. Find a common ground between us and develop a bond. Not even a romantic one, just a friendship or a relationship of mutual trust. What I am not sure about, though, is if I met an unhealthy person or my conflictor. I figured out his intentions quite early on, but instead of immediately detaching I went with it because I thought things could be different (that was my first mistake). I was pretty immature at the time, too and going through a lot emotionally, which didn't help.

I met him overseas, communication was already quite difficult because I was speaking another language that I am only somewhat proficient in. But I think actions speak louder than words and that we both probably understood what was happening quite well, but we reacted quite poorly to one another despite this. What was once a relationship of mutual respect turned into sheer and utter hell and contempt.

Is it common that in conflicting relations that people tend to project? The thing is, I think I understood my conflictor quite well and what was bothering him and where his projections were coming from, but for some reason I kept ignoring his projections instead of simply confronting him or slapping him across the face because retrospectively that is what he deserved considering the absurdity of his projections. Even though I knew I could and things would have been a lot better if I did, I didn't do any of those things. And when I did confront his actions, it would be out of sheer annoyance of his character or because of something he had done previously to hurt me... I would feel bad for doing it afterward, too.

He didn't understand me and every time I would explain something to him he would never take my word for it and ask someone else as if they were an expert on my person, instead of just consulting with me... I don't even think it matters, though, because even when I did try to explain something to him, he'd either misunderstand me or he didn't believe me anyway or would keep pushing me and pressing my buttons... or he CHOSE not to understand me because he wasn't getting what he wanted from me. I don't know but it was super annoying and while I knew this was all occurring I was too emotionally drained/overwhelmed to even address it and kind of just went along with it because I was like whatever at that point and for some god awful reason still very drawn to this person... even though the way he would react just made me withdraw more and more or act more passively.

And then eventually I gave into his projections because communication seemed so incredibly difficult lol... even though objectively speaking it really wasn't all that difficult. This relationship turned into sheer and utter HELL to put it simply and it terrifies me that I miss this person and keep wishing things could have been different.

Was this a conflicting relationship? Or am I just absolutely batshit insane??? Or both. :tongue:


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## Jerdle (Dec 30, 2015)

It's definitely opposite-quadra, but this actually seems like Base -> Ignoring, so Extinguishment.


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

I'm pretty sure he's an SLE. When I first met him, though, he resembled/acted like an LSE even though I was quite aware of his little act/show. 

And if it was extinguishment, that'd make me an SLI, which I have never tested as before. I either get EII or IEI.


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

And I wonder if it has anything to do with me being a enneagram 9 and him being an 8.


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## Sylas (Jul 23, 2016)

Aldys said:


> Was this a conflicting relationship? Or am I just absolutely batshit insane??? Or both. :tongue:


Sounds like a "supervisor". I had similar experience and it was supervision.

Supervision is characterized by one-sided communication: you feel like you can never explain yourself to them. It becomes easier to give in to their projections.



Aldys said:


> He didn't understand me and every time I would explain something to him he would never take my word for it and ask someone else as if they were an expert on my person, instead of just consulting with me... I don't even think it matters, though, because even when I did try to explain something to him, *he'd either misunderstand me or he didn't believe me* anyway or would *keep pushing me and pressing my buttons*... or he CHOSE not to understand me because he wasn't getting what he wanted from me. I don't know but it was super annoying and while I knew this was all occurring I* was too emotionally drained/overwhelmed to even address it* and kind of just went along with it because I was like whatever at that point and for some god awful reason still very drawn to this person... even though the way he would react just *made me withdraw more and more or act more passively*.


Yep, that's how "supervisee" feels in these relations. They press your buttons, while you feel drained/overwhelmed and misunderstood, and begin to take a more backstage passive role, but you still feel drawn to them and go along for some inexplicable reason.


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

I actually wonder if we were really duals at different points of self-awareness/life. He's pretty immature, but considering his environment I actually don't blame him. Very traditional, even though he himself is not but acts like it sometimes because his society is strict. Like perhaps we were way too different to actually get along in the long run. Because my reason for giving up on pursuing a relationship with him was because we had two very different visions of the world and were at very different levels of self development/self awareness. Not because I didn't actually like him, even though it came out that way. I think I may actually love him. LOL.

I sort of felt like Toby McGuire and Reese Witherspoon in Pleasantville in the environment I was in. I was torn between those two characters. Do I let this society go on as it is or do I shatter it with my progressive thinking??? But I was wayyyyy too overwhelmed with emotion to even bother, especially because it was a high tension environment (maybe it was a conflicting relation???) :laughing:


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## Sylas (Jul 23, 2016)

Supervisor type has something of you and something of your dual, so it feels very familiar, like a midpoint. Still frustrating and confusing in the end xD


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## Aldys (Nov 14, 2011)

Interesting. He really did not seem like an ILE, though. Like at all. He seemed like an SLE-Ti, he had a very authoritarian vibe about him. 

I always felt like I could be my true self around him, that I could tell him anything. It's only when other people got involved that it became a mess. And I think he questioned my intentions a lot... trust issues or something and kept consulting others on my intentions instead of just trying to understand where I was coming from... maybe because he couldn't be bothered and wasn't getting what he wanted? No clue. The communication barrier didn't help either.


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## Jerdle (Dec 30, 2015)

Your Supervisor is SEE. ILE is your Supervisee.


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