# How do you feel about your extinguishment relation type?



## Misha (Dec 18, 2011)

In Socionics, the mirror relation types are the one that can be benefit from mutual correction (mostly through conflicts). These types seem to be hard toward each other as they often experience miscommunication and faulty projection. Fortunately, since both types share the similar fundamental sets of ideals, they tend to appreciate each other's presence as each find the other mirror relation type to be interesting. 



The area of confidence of one partner is always the area of creativity for the other partner. What one partner considers solid and final appears incomplete and changeable for the other partner. This difference may often puzzle the partners especially when they fulfil their mutual plans. It seems for them as if the other partner simply misunderstood the main concept. Therefore partners attempt to correct each other's understanding but usually fail, because each partner acts from their confident side. For the same reason, Mirror partners can be involved in really hot disputes and can even come to blows in the name of their opinion mostly because of the difference of Judging and Perceiving functions.

Personally, I felt I learned the most from my mirror relation partner. In many ways it has been the most rewarding journey for me to explore in areas where I may not dare to step out from my comfort zone. In fact, the more conflicts I have with them, the more I get to understand them and _myself_ better. Unfortunately, the bond also seem to be weaken if we don't keep a certain amount of space or distance.

I wonder how other PerC members feel about this? Do you respect and cherish them more or you would rather avoid them and disengage with them?


Here are the mirror pairings: 

ENTP - INTJ
ISFP - ESFJ
ENFJ - INFP
ISTJ - ESTP
ESFP - ISFJ
INTP - ENTJ
ESTJ - ISTP
INFJ - ENFP


*Note:_ I didn't de-capitalize the last cognitive function because I'm just borrowing the idea from Socionics. The focus is mirror-pairing in stead of discussing the ideology from Socionics._


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Misha said:


> ENTP - INTJ
> ISFP - ESFJ
> ENFJ - INFP
> ISTJ - ESTP
> ...


 Socionics criteria for assigning J/P letters is different from MBTI. These pairings that you have listed would be Extinguishment/Contrary relations. These are the mirror ones Mirror Relations and if you notice by cognitive functions they correspond to matching two MBTI judgers or two perceivers together.


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## FuzzyLittleManPeach (Aug 29, 2011)

I have a lot of respect for my INTJ friend, he always gives me a different perspective to look at. He has the potential to teach me things that I've never even considered before. In short he makes me THINK. Lovely friendship indeed.


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

ENTPs tend to be pretty easy for me to get along with overall. We tend to click instantly, and I feel comfortable saying almost anything around them most of the time.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I've had quite a few ESFJ female friends and dated an ESFJ for six years.

They can tire me out, though, I don't like being surrounded by more than one ESFJ...but one on one they are great, or if there's one ESFJ in a small group. 

I tend to be attracted to xSFJ men. I think I just met another ISFJ...I think. Don't know him well enough, but it would seem so.


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## jennandtonic (Dec 1, 2011)

I don't know whether I have ever met an ENFJ, so I don't know...I bet they're cool though.


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## bubbamamma (Feb 21, 2012)

I generally get along very well with ENTPs. We enjoy challenging each other, and it seems we increase each other's productivity and creativity. Also, it seems that we find each other hilarious and entertaining to be around, as well.


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## Alpengeist19 (Feb 28, 2012)

ENTJ sounds about right. I've thought for some while that my ideal partner would need to be an NT, and I usually find myself attracted to Js. E or I doesn't ever seem to matter that much to me.


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## leadintea (Nov 22, 2011)

jennandtonic said:


> I don't know whether I have ever met an ENFJ, so I don't know...I bet they're cool though.


Same here. I actually find FJ types to be fascinating people.


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## Owfin (Oct 15, 2011)

Um, some of them are cool. And some of them are my little sister (literally).


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## AbioticPrime (Sep 1, 2011)

I've had this discussion with a few ENTJs, prior to learning about shadow-type attraction.

In most instances we've arrived at the conclusion that INTP would be our ideal both best friend and mate. I get along with INTPs quite well, though I'm yet to meet an INTP female.

I think something about both of us being T-doms and F-inferiors, as well as intuitive, makes us think on nearly the exact same wavelines. An ENTJ-ENTJ relationship is likely to result in a power clash and an INTP-INTP relationship is likely to result in some type of monotonous stagnancy, the balancing works quite well (ENTJ-ENTP or INTJ-INTP might work as well, though the feeling functions are misplaced which might lead to misunderstandings and discomfort).

(Quick personal side note: dated an ESFJ & ISFP... NO!!! lol)

But yeah, I can vouch for the shadow-love attraction theory.


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

i donm't know enough ESFJs IRL to be able to comment so....


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## AbioticPrime (Sep 1, 2011)

Kayness said:


> i donm't know enough ESFJs IRL to be able to comment so....


How is that possible? They're everywhere!


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

Lol Dictator said:


> How is that possible? They're everywhere!


 you srs? There's none in my immediate family and I don't tend to ask everyone I know to take the MB test. Plus I'm a recluse.


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## AbioticPrime (Sep 1, 2011)

Kayness said:


> you srs? There's none in my immediate family and I don't tend to ask everyone I know to take the MB test. Plus I'm a recluse.


ESFJs can be pretty cool people!

They're generally the ones who are very socially active, very friendly and caring, stand up viciously for their loved ones, love to preserve the traditions of their families/friends/cultures, love to experience life the way the "perfect citizen" might experience it, are very fond of reminiscing memories they cherish, etc. 

When put in a situation where they have to pick sides, they'll nearly always choose the side they were already on. If they weren't on a side to begin with, they'll objectively hear out both sides until they can determine which side holds the best values (e.g. which person is being the most considerate, which person is only doing things for the best, which person is acting like a 'man', etc.)

They can also have an analytic edge to them -- keen on breaking things down and understanding them step by step. But once they understand something, it sticks!

Generally very dependable, reliable, considerate, and friendly people. 


What do you think? Did I just describe your dream bff?


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## Le9acyMuse (Mar 12, 2010)

@cyamitide You're resourceful. I like that. Maybe you'd like to enlighten us on the difference? Or point us to a link.

Responding to the thread: Since I don't know what the characteristics of a J and P would be according to Socionics I cannot answer. But according to the extinguishment/contrary relation of the MBTI, my opinion of ESFJs (_that I've known_) is...........sketchy. They are like the antithesis of the path I forage. I feel...rivalrous towards them? It might be a one-sided rivalry (they're too busy to focus on our weird relationship...). It has less to do with being an ISFP than it does other qualities of mine.

Solely as an ISFP, I'd say they're charismatic and I'd like to be their friend. Now I have to stop myself since the bulk of my feelings about this isn't contained in being an ISFP. lol But I do find myself admiring their congeniality and flow (though when they've brought it my way it's been like oil and water). In retrospect, my bro is the coolest ESFJ I've known.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Le9acyMuse said:


> @_cyamitide_ You're resourceful. I like that. Maybe you'd like to enlighten us on the difference? Or point us to a link.


 All the Socionics intertype relations are described here and here.

These relations are formed by particular arrangements of cognitive functions between two people. Types in Mirror relations all have same cognitive elements, but the elements are switched around. INFJ and ENFJ would be in Mirror relationship since INFJ's functions are Ni-Fe-Ti-Se and ENFJ's functions are Fe-Ni-Se-Ti. For ISFP (Fi-Se-Ni-Te) the mirror relation is the ESFP (Se-Fi-Te-Ni). ESFP has same functions as ISFP, just slightly transposed. That's the Mirror relation.

Extinguishment relations have inverted cognitive functions. Whichever functions your types has, just switch their E/I direction, and that would make for your extinguishment type. For ISFP the extinguishment partner is the ESFJ. ISFP's functions of Fi-Se-Ni-Te if inverted become Fe-Si-Ne-Ti which are functions of ESFJs.

Extinguishment relations is what was listed in the original post of this thread.


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## candymountain (Nov 26, 2011)

Idk what I am I've been trying to figure it out but I like NT's theyre awesome. I lovee them, and I dislike SPs because they can be fun for a little bit but then it's too much its like, okay seriously leave me alone, im tired of your crazy shit. Uh SJs can get on my nerves a lot and NFs well theyre like mother figures, im pretty damn sure my mom is an ENFJ and she's like my bff but I think it's different with my mom, if I had like three "moms" it would probably be a bit annoying, but maybe like INFP would be awesome, I'm part INFP so we can have an alike party!! Except ive never met one so idk.


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## Misha (Dec 18, 2011)

cyamitide said:


> Extinguishment relations is what was listed in the original post of this thread.


Thanks for the links and correcting this. I'm fairly new to socionics and I had gotten it all mixed up. Precisely, I was seeking for Extinguishment relations here.


Anyhow, here's my experience of my extinguishment type of ENFP. It's really strange that I learned the most from them through conflicts, and the more intense the battles were, the more insights I discovered. So the highs we experience are really high, while the lows can be really dreadful. Yet there are striking similarities when we share our world views, it's just the perception and what motivate us can have an entirely different route or approach.

I found that in order to keep my extinguishment type at a healthy range, so that our relationship won't get derailed, we both need a constant distance and space every once in a while. Also, things seem to work out the best when I chose not to engage in serious topic in group settings and learn how to take things less seriously. One-on-one communication works the best if there's a need to deal with a serious issue or heated discussion. Although meeting in person may work better for my extinguishment type, I find it works easier for my type to communicate in writing or online chatting--where it offers a moment of solidarity to reflect upon things more carefully before hitting that enter key.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

I've read through this thread, and I'm SLI, so I guess I'm supposed to be talking about how I feel about SLEs. I'm not sure what type that corresponds to, since even the functions are different in socionics.

I know of one person IRL who's identified herself as ESTJ. We get along great in the small doses I interact with her, but I could imagine feeling exhausted by her of we even tried to be friends and hang out. I don't know of anyone IRL who's identified as an ESTP.


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