# Guys okay see if you have any insight into this



## Senter (Nov 21, 2011)

ok so ill post this in the NF forum too. I just wonder if anyone knows anything about whats going on here. I have.... this thing...and ive mentioned it before... where I have.... this jealousy thing. For example I've had a history of ... after a relationship with girlfriends ends... I suddenly find myself like... I dunno like finding myself .... really attracted to ... the seeming power they have over me? Like a friend of mine described it well... I am like seemingly attracted to something but also very .... hurt by it. Like an example would be where with my last girlfriend she would be really confident around guys and i found it sexy but yet.... it hurt and perhaps ... and im not sure... that hurt maybe even increased the amount of sexual tension it gave? This seems fucked up I know and this is why im posting about it. its like a really weird... thing and Im not at all sure what it points to other than some ... sort... of masochistic thing of.. but other than that im not quite sure. Do you guys have any idea of like deeper meanings to this? I think to some extent this won't .... reveal itself to me until im truly ready. but ... its just so weird. I find myself making negative comparisons a lot. like ... i get jealous easily and i also... like the enneagram four... have a tendency to look for reasons as to why i am fundamentally flawed. and in some ways this sexual odd manifestation seems to confirm the idea of being flawed but at the same time cause another person to be .... sort of .. everything i am not... and it being a sort of .... power thing... like they are everything i am not and i am sucky and they are awesome... and i know... thats weird. but ... its what happens. Thanks guys.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Sorry that I'm not responding substantively, but your overuse of ellipses and non-use of paragraphs is very distracting. It's tough to read your post.


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## Abraxas (May 28, 2011)

I'm cracking up at all these kinds of threads in the NT forums today.

Holy shit, hahahaha.


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## hylogenesis (Apr 26, 2012)

I think this is something that you should try to rationalize by yourself...mainly for three reasons:

1.) You seem to have gotten off to a good start.
2.) You've used really vague terminology that could lead to too many interpretations to make sense.
3.) You're likely the only one who really knows what you meant in using such vague descriptors.


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Like some of the above people, I'd like to give advice, but you're really coming off as the diaries of Jack Torrance from _The Shining_. 

Us NTs aren't going to judge you the way you seem to be afraid of. We just process it as data, and whether you're meeting the goals you set for yourself. Do you want to be less jealous? Do you want to hurt less? Do you want to succeed in relations more? All these things that you need to decide. We can help tactically, but you have to do the strategic goal setting, expressing it as such.


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Senter said:


> ok so ill post this in the NF forum too. I just wonder if anyone knows anything about whats going on here. I have.... this thing...and ive mentioned it before... where I have.... this jealousy thing. For example I've had a history of ... after a relationship with girlfriends ends... I suddenly find myself like... I dunno like finding myself .... really attracted to ... the seeming power they have over me? Like a friend of mine described it well... I am like seemingly attracted to something but also very .... hurt by it. Like an example would be where with my last girlfriend she would be really confident around guys and i found it sexy but yet.... it hurt and perhaps ... and im not sure... that hurt maybe even increased the amount of sexual tension it gave? This seems fucked up I know and this is why im posting about it. its like a really weird... thing and Im not at all sure what it points to other than some ... sort... of masochistic thing of.. but other than that im not quite sure. Do you guys have any idea of like deeper meanings to this? I think to some extent this won't .... reveal itself to me until im truly ready. but ... its just so weird. I find myself making negative comparisons a lot. like ... i get jealous easily and i also... like the enneagram four... have a tendency to look for reasons as to why i am fundamentally flawed. and in some ways this sexual odd manifestation seems to confirm the idea of being flawed but at the same time cause another person to be .... sort of .. everything i am not... and it being a sort of .... power thing... like they are everything i am not and i am sucky and they are awesome... and i know... thats weird. but ... its what happens. Thanks guys.


Well if i was to go down the road of freud, Then in your childhood something happened to you, that either stunted your sexual development. Or something changed it or made it different. Something where arousal was accompanied with either jealousy or what ever emotion you are feeling at the time...i would say jealousy.

So do u remember anything in your past that would of caused this jealousy/arousal pattern?


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## SocioApathetic (May 20, 2012)

Too...many...ellipses...
I got distracted.


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## Ann Kane (Sep 30, 2011)

@_Senter_ I know a guy that seems to get jealous a lot, and yet seems to be more into me when he is. I thought it would be a turn off, but rather, it seems to be instigating. He as burned hardcore in a past relationship..but that kind of thing stems from early on. 

some kind of emotional masochism. the same element that makes you feel more 'alive" when you're in pain or going through tragedy...like "im suffering, and thats gratifying because it releases me from guilt or whatever is burdening me?" like, breaking yoru arm to relieve a toothache? Its basically just a form of emotional self mutiliation. Cutter, of the heart. See, i can relate, but not in terms of jealousy being a turn on. Whatever it is, stems from some kind early formative experiences that make you feel inadequate, or guilty, or unworthy somehow, and subconsciously, its gratifying to have that proven to you, to have yourself proven correct about your percieved low heights. Destructive human nature says we'd rather be "right" than be "happy". gotta really fight hard to over come those psychological tendencies. Its like rowing up stream, but IT CAN BE DONE.

Focus away from attraction to the opposite sex, and more about your independent self imge. make sure your self image is based entirely on your independent evaluation of yoruself, completely separate from the idea of how others evaluate you. STart with the fact that if you can change something, work toward that change, and if you cannot change something, you should stop stressing and instead work on the things you can change. Doing that will start a chain reaction of feeling better about yourself deep on the inside, as you continue to make good decisions.

You will then see your attractions evolve, though that should be side effect, not the main goal. The main goal should be improving your self worth.

PS: long and short of it, its not a personality type thing. Its a self worth thing.


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Ann Kane said:


> PS: long and short of it, its not a personality type thing. Its a self worth thing.


Bravo for cutting through all of that, ann.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

Very interesting post. I agree with everything. 

You seem to have great emotional depth, people like you are not common on this planet. If you need some support, you can always PM me.


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

As SOON as I saw how you wrote I thought "INFP."

In any case, just try and relax. Slow down some. Don't take life so seriously.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Lost in the sea of ellipses there. Maybe you subconsciously feel like you're lacking in sex appeal? I don't know. XD


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## Ann Kane (Sep 30, 2011)

bellisaurius said:


> Bravo for cutting through all of that, ann.


thanks. I always like to follow up convolusion with straight to the point


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## laguz (Jun 10, 2012)

Senter said:


> ok so ill post this in the NF forum too. I just wonder if anyone knows anything about whats going on here. I have.... this thing...and ive mentioned it before... where I have.... this jealousy thing. For example I've had a history of ... after a relationship with girlfriends ends... I suddenly find myself like... I dunno like finding myself .... really attracted to ... the seeming power they have over me? Like a friend of mine described it well... I am like seemingly attracted to something but also very .... hurt by it. Like an example would be where with my last girlfriend she would be really confident around guys and i found it sexy but yet.... it hurt and perhaps ... and im not sure... that hurt maybe even increased the amount of sexual tension it gave? This seems fucked up I know and this is why im posting about it. its like a really weird... thing and Im not at all sure what it points to other than some ... sort... of masochistic thing of.. but other than that im not quite sure. Do you guys have any idea of like deeper meanings to this? I think to some extent this won't .... reveal itself to me until im truly ready. but ... its just so weird. I find myself making negative comparisons a lot. like ... i get jealous easily and i also... like the enneagram four... have a tendency to look for reasons as to why i am fundamentally flawed. and in some ways this sexual odd manifestation seems to confirm the idea of being flawed but at the same time cause another person to be .... sort of .. everything i am not... and it being a sort of .... power thing... like they are everything i am not and i am sucky and they are awesome... and i know... thats weird. but ... its what happens. Thanks guys.


Sounds like a familiar symptom. Ignore this if you find it too personal or inappropriate, but I think it might be relevant:
When you are in a committed relationship, do you find yourself fantasizing about your girl being intimate with other guys?

It just might be an early sign that your into the Cuckold fetish. The bad news is that the psychological attempts to understand it haven't demonstrated much success, and the closest sexology has come to understand it is through it's seeming correlation with increased sperm count, and yet not to any degree that would make a desire to be in such situations anthropological sense. But the good news is that you can have the same happy relationships as anyone else, but with another avenue of potential pleasure to explore that many others do not, if you choose to challenge yourself with overcoming the discomfort and are lucky enough to form a strong enough relationship with an open minded enough partner. Make sure your partners use protection. 

In other words, pretty much like any other fetish. Is it normal? in the sense of being common - nope - everybody believes they are special snowflakes and are usually wrong, but congratulations - you might just be close enough to being one, don't stress over normality. But it' viable, Learn to live with it and do the best you can with it.


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