# How do you view sex? Physical or emotional?



## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

I was talking with a friend last night, and she was talking about how sex was really emotional for her. And she did it for "emotional" reasons. And that she couldn't have sex with someone unless she really cared/loved them. And I started to get to thinking, and I had this profound realization that I don't view sex as an emotional act, its a physical act thats great. But I can't have sex with anyone, they have to meet my physical standards, and there has to be some attraction going on, even if it is merely just physical. But I don't have to be full blown in love with them either.

So my question is... Do you view sex as an emotional act, or a physical act? What are your requirements for banging someone?


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

The physical is needed along with the emotional.. both.

It sucks if its not good physically, but it also sucks if theres no emotional connection. So yeah, I need both.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

A physical act because of emotional reasons.


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

Emotional. I dont have many physical standards, but still, i would never have sex with a stranger, no matter how hot she was.


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

I don't need marriage... any of that. Trust is the basic requirement. 

Personally I need emotional stimulation in order to be really turned on. Whether it's anger, connection, happiness etc. When I am emotionally turned on, I am physically turned on. I find it quite.. difficult feeling emotions, so it probably adds to the heightened feeling of vulnerability and motivation to do it. 

When i'm with someone it doesn't have to be about securing the bond everytime... it's also for pure physical enjoyment and what not. I don't know why the question is so polarised; I can enjoy it for both reasons with the same person. I can also enjoy it for either reason with different people. Ideally it's both with the same person though.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

Both also. No real idea of requirements for me having sex with someone. Never really thought about it that much due to the extreme rarity of sex


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## Malovane (Jul 12, 2010)

Both.

Done the whole sex with a stranger thing - not a big fan. 

Likewise, not a big fan of it with someone I really care about but is physically incompatible. That can be just as soul-crushing.

Don't really need "trust" - actually a woman who lies constantly to me can be a real turn on - just as much as someone who is pure as the wind driven snow. Don't need attachment, but it's nice.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Physical. It feels awesome. As long as the guy's clean, attractive and everyone's wearing protection, it's play time!


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

I thought emotional reasons to have sex meant you had to be in love so I originally thought, no way, no how, because I've been happy before without being in love, not that I know what that is. I did notice recently though that the first time I was with someone it was intense as hell and the next time wasn't nearly as interesting. So I figured out that the reason it worked so well the first time in all likeliness was because it had been a long time coming for us to finally get there and therefore was really intense just because of that and after that had worn off, it wasn't interesting or nearly as good, so I'm thinking maybe there has to be a bit of emotion just not the affectionate loving kind, but some kind of thrill or excitement and it's all good like that. It's like I've completely lost interest now and well to be honest I found him rather vanilla so that doesn't help...lol


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

Physical. Emotional is a bonus.


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Physical.

I'ver heard emotions make it better, but I'm doubting it. I think people just kind of psych themselves into it, especially females.


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## Ziggurat (Jun 12, 2010)

Almost totally physical. Deep emotional attachment would be mandatory, though.


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## sarek (May 20, 2010)

For me the emotional side is paramount. Even to the extent that it is not even that important to me if the physical side is good or not. As long as the emotional connection is strong, its good for me.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

I would say the act itself is basically physical.
But I wouldn't do it with someone I didn't have an emotional connection with because...well...I don't really care? I could just read. Humans are *work* and I need a reason to show up and deal with all the potential complications.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

I've done it both with a strong emotional connection and without, and with, it's just so much more fulfilling.

I'd say the difference is that when it's purely physical, the pleasure is fleeting and only lasts during the moment. But when there's an emotional bond, those memories build upon something else greater than its parts. I'm not really sure how else to explain it.


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## toe tag (Dec 1, 2010)

I see sex as a chore. Why couldn't there have been any other means of reproduction? I don't like worrying about whether the other person is safe or clean to be with. I don't know. It's a fine disgusting act. It makes me feel a little nauseous. Still I have no problem watching it, just as long as I don't take part in it. 
:happy:


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I view sex as something emotional. Bodies are only necessary for expression and are not the point. When a person speaks, the meanings of the words are what matter, not the mouth, but the words require a mouth in order to come out. Sex is just speaking a different kind of language. Instead of the meanings and feelings turning into symbolic sounds which move between a voice and the ears, the meanings and feelings are communicated through a kinesthetic, tactile experience until they reach their target. Saying that sex is about something physical would be like saying that language is about something auditory. It misses the whole point.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

Horny = Emotion.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Aßbiscuits said:


> Horny = Emotion.


True, at least for me.

I can't get turned on without it being an emotional response to the person.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

It's a physical act to me. I can get a boner and stick it into the space between your legs whether I love you or not. If I love you, then I would make gentle, compassionate love to you rather than a quick wham bam thank you ma'am.

Note: still a virgin.


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## zyzzyva (Nov 19, 2010)

Following a series of events i've disconnected emotionally from sex and view purely as a physical act, a bit like a far more pleasurable stint on the exercise bike. It can have emotional elements, when i'm comfortable enough within a relationship it does become more of an emotional thing, but generally it's just something to do with the time. 

I don't need to connect with someone emotionally to have sex, I have sex because it's pleasurable, the emotions come later when everything else connects into place, when it finally settles in my brain that they're in for the long run and not just for a game of hopscotch.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

SeekJess said:


> I was talking with a friend last night, and she was talking about how sex was really emotional for her. And she did it for "emotional" reasons. And that she couldn't have sex with someone unless she really cared/loved them. And I started to get to thinking, and I had this profound realization that I don't view sex as an emotional act, its a physical act thats great. But I can't have sex with anyone, they have to meet my physical standards, and there has to be some attraction going on, even if it is merely just physical. But I don't have to be full blown in love with them either.
> 
> So my question is... Do you view sex as an emotional act, or a physical act? What are your requirements for banging someone?


Emooooootional! I mean, it IS a physical act.. but it would bring me zero satisfaction. 

Requirements:
Know the person
Like the person
Love the person
Enjoy the person's company
Know that I'd want to be with her for a really long time.

Having emotions tied is a must for "banging someone" lol :laughing:


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## Roze (Sep 12, 2010)

Honestly, it can't be one without the other for me. Sex isn't sex unless it's both physical and emotional. It might be a high standard to some, but doing someone like that doesn't leave a good taste unless both elements are present. Good thing it's not hard to achieve when you have sex with someone that you're in a relationship with.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I think sex is a great way to get to know someone. Physical attraction is awesome. But when I was in my 20s I thought it was about "emotional connection" however, I couldn't stay committed. Once I acted upon physical attraction, I could remain loyal forever. Just sayin....


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## s0n1c800m (Dec 6, 2010)

Once upon a time, I'd have told you it was purely emotional. Since that time, I've stopped wearing my hair in pigtails and spent some time in the world. I've learned that I can have amazing sex with a stranger, and I found that it is (unfortunately, devastatingly) possible to have miserably disappointing sex with a romantic partner. 
My only real requirements (other than safety matters) are physical compatibility and a willingness to let me take them. Simple enough.
That said, I much prefer the presence of emotion, and I truly believe the brain is the most important sex organ.
With the right person, if we really connect on an emotional and physical level, it's a religious experience for me (think the snake-handling and speaking in tongues sort crossed with zen-like clarity). Heck, my current beau can melt me into a twitchy, babbling puddle by staring into my eyes and telling me he loves me. Does that sound corny? It probably is. Doesn't make it untrue. If I'm going to be feeling someone's emotions in such an intensely physical way, it's just so much hotter to feel love as well as lust.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I like to be emotional with my partner outside of the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, I prefer animal instinct.

However I am similar to 0n1c800m in regards to finding sex a transcendant experience. I am very spiritual about sex. In fact often I shout out "God oh God!" :tongue:


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## sts06 (Aug 12, 2010)

Both for me.

I have had some amazing experiences in one night stands and enjoyed every one of them. However, when I actually care about the person I'm with it's better. I'm not talking flowers and rainbows happy ever after or anything, but if I have some sort of emotional connection with the person I enjoy myself even more.


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## s0n1c800m (Dec 6, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> However I am similar to s0n1c800m in regards to finding sex a transcendant experience. I am very spiritual about sex. In fact often I shout out "God oh God!" :tongue:


Cute. ^_^ 
I was actually thinking of something more akin to the feeling one gets after eating psilocybin mushrooms and meditating on the meaning of pleasure. :crazy:


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> I am very spiritual about sex. In fact often I shout out "God oh God!" :tongue:


Hmm doesn't say much for someone who shouts "oh shit!" or "oh fuck!" does it?...


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## s0n1c800m (Dec 6, 2010)

Revy2Hand said:


> Hmm doesn't say much for someone who shouts "oh shit!" or "oh fuck!" does it?...


Maybe they're atheist?


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

s0n1c800m said:


> Maybe they're atheist?


Pretty much my thought since I consider myself igtheist/Buddhist now that I know the different forms of atheism :wink:


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## dreamer 1977 (Dec 14, 2010)

Both. Obviously it has to be physical, sex is a physical act. But if it's purely physical it's not fulfilling. I've been with a few one night stands in the past who wanted it to be purely physical and it was fun at the time (drunk and horny) but afterwords you have nothing. One of them I ended up hooking up with again and she wanted it to be exactly the same as before and it was boring. They were all really selfish actually, it was all about their pleasure, they just laid there, yelled "fuck me" and I preceded to fuck their brains out. Like I said, it's fun the first few times but after that, you get bored. Maybe if they were more active, wanted to make out more and tried to please me more I would have a different opinion.

The best sex is when there is physical attraction but then you get emotionally attached by long makeouts and foreplay. And then she's the one who suggests sex first, not me. You don't even have to pressure her, I don't like that, it's not my style.


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## openedskittles (May 24, 2009)

Sex is emotional.

Masturbation is physical.

If sex were not emotional, it would just be masturbation, at which point you might as well just masturbate because there are a lot fewer risks and costs associated with it.

My requirements for sex are that the girl be pretty and that I respect her. I guess it also helps to have fun being with her, but that's more of a long-term relationship requirement.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

Both. I guess the "meaning" is more abstract.


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## Gattonside (Dec 15, 2010)

Sex is a physical act, but the emotional side is what distinguishes it from just another form of exercise. Personally anyhoot.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

Physical. Emotions make it intimate, which is wonderful in it's own way but not always what I'm after.


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## Onomatopoeia (Nov 2, 2010)

^Came here to say what Cruciferae just said. You beat me to it


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

A Kiss is not a contract, but it is a display of affection. While you can go the whole 9 yards with a person and have really wild physical sex with no commitment, what have you expressed to each other? 
If you agree beforehand that it is sex for the sake of sex, that is good, but in reality, somebody will get hurt sooner or later. Relationships exist within people's minds and bodies. They are not stone benchmarks, and they can move around. Physical love is language. 

Digger Blue:mellow:


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## z5500x4 (Dec 7, 2010)

It's definitely got to be somewhat emotional otherwise I would be completely bored with the whole thing.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

Yeah even I found that out... :sad:


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## StarBuck (Oct 23, 2010)

First off I have only had sex with my husband.
I prefer just a good rough frak. Once in a blue moon we wil for lack of a better term "make love", I feel nauseated just using that term. So for me most of the time it is just a physical thing.


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## InevitablyKriss (Dec 23, 2010)

I'm asexual... so there's not.. really isn't a physical requirement... Rather, maybe the physical requirement is too huge to pass?
It has to be emotional. My standards are set way high. I not only need to love the person, but want to do anything for them, and even trust them with my life. That sounds very dramatic, and I aplogies for that. I don't want to sound dramatic by any means, but this is really the standard for me.... Sex is kind of a big deal to me in that not only do I not want in general, I do not want period! Except for lately, I've been wanting sex with my significant other, but I think that's because she's achieving my such-very-high-standards.

Although, I will say, if I don't know you? I'm only seeing you on a surface level. However, if I hate you, you'll be a lot uglier to me, and if I like you? A lot prettier or handsome/whatever to me.

So I think this effects things greatly.


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## Vic (Dec 4, 2010)

Fucking is both emotional and physical for me. I need to feel something for the girl, have some kind of connection. When that connection and a physical attraction toward her exist, then everything is enhanced. Sex becomes something more than just getting off, whether it's slow and methodical or hard and raw.


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## thor odinson (May 21, 2011)

Purely physical, theres nothing deeper. More fun that way honestly. But I got a strong romantic side to the point where I might be able to date a heteroromantic asexual girl


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

It's both, combined, on an amazing level. I can't imagine sex without the emotions, sounds...boring.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Depends on the situation.
I have a libertine streak, where I don't view sex as anything but a physical adventure.
I am not very good at developing deep feelings for people, so if the physical attraction is staring me in the face, I am going for it if single.

If in a relationship, there is probably emotions happening. And then it's about them, and the physical is a bonus.
There is also more respect for the partner in this kind of case.


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## Paeter (May 18, 2011)

It's both to me and it's freaking awesome.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

I feel like a fairly typical example of my gender and orientation (straight) in this regard: 

- short term it need only be physical to have sex (and the sex had better be good to sustain this at all beyond one encounter); 

- longer term it needs to be both, and for me one of the big bases of the emotional bond for me as an INTP is the intellectual bond that must (also) exist.


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## StandingTiger (Dec 25, 2010)

It's fully both.


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## StandingTiger (Dec 25, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> If in a relationship, there is probably emotions happening.


NTs are so amusing to me. Oh, you guys... XD


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

hmwith said:


> NTs are so amusing to me. Oh, you guys... XD


Why so amused, sugar tits? 
There probably are some happening...


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## StandingTiger (Dec 25, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> Why so amused, sugar tits?
> There probably are some happening...


The way you put that. And the way you put it just now. "Yeah, there's a relationship or whatever, so there's probably emotions and such, I guess, right? Yeah, feelings."


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

hmwith said:


> The way you put that. And the way you put it just now. "Yeah, there's a relationship or whatever, so there's probably emotions and such, I guess, right? Yeah, feelings."


I love my type 4 very hard, I just put things in strange ways.
I mean I barely speak English. And I am bad at being a fountain of feelings.
Unless literally:crazy:


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## etherealuntouaswithin (Dec 7, 2010)

It's both, absolutely.I wouldn't consider having sex with someone i dont have an "emotional" (idk if i can even call it that..it's a strange force.a pull) connection with.


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## William I am (May 20, 2011)

Emotional. It's acted out physically, and I have physical limits on who I want to do it (appearance, health, etc), but for me it's done entirely for emotional reasons.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

It's a physical act, but I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't care about.


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## Shemp (Mar 29, 2011)

It's a physical action that invokes a deeper emotional response. So both. Unless you're just fucking someone to fuck them. Then it's just physical.


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## Inphamous (May 10, 2011)

Purely physical. Even in a relationship I maintain emotional distance / suppression.
I prefer sex over masterbation only because it feels better physically. There may be a psycological reason why due to the fullfilment of a primal desire but that's not really an emotion any more that the desire of a heroin addict for heroin.
That being said, its only marginally better and so if the woman in question requires much work at all to get in the mood then ill likely just pass and masterbate. I prefer women who enjoy sex for the physical part. If they get the bonus of some emotional
fix as well, that's great. As long as it doesn't require extra effort on my part. 
Don't misunderstand. I want them to enjoy it and be happy but why should I work harder for them to be happy than they need work for my happiness?
Seems to me if you are the one that needs more to be happy then YOU should have to work harder for it, not someone else.

My 2 cents. Thoughts?


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## Akrasiel (Oct 25, 2009)

I think sex can be both or either. It depends on the individual, and it depends on their partner.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Purely carnal. Its the only real way to look at it.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

android654 said:


> Purely carnal. *Its the only real way to look at it*.


The only real way?

It may be the most painless one, but only real.
You believe that?


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## Cubie (May 3, 2011)

I think sex is both a physical and emotional thing but it falls more under emotional for me. When i have sex with someone it's more emotional because I'm showing them how much i love them and we're feeling it together.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> The only real way?
> 
> It may be the most painless one, but only real.
> You believe that?


Look at the cold blooded killer with a bleeding heart. I don't put emotion into it, well not romantic ones anyway, so its visceral to me. So very animal to me.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@android654
This isn't about my heart, but is about you claiming absolutes.
It may be an approach that works for you, but I hold that calling it 'only real' is imprecise.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> @android654
> This isn't about my heart, but is about you claiming absolutes.
> It may be an approach that works for you, but I hold that calling it 'only real' is imprecise.


Well I'm talking about the way I see it. For now its pretty absolute to me.


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## FXGZ (May 19, 2011)

Sex is a physical act that is defined WITHOUT any emotional component. You can ejaculate, orgasm, engage in intercourse without emotional involvement. 

However, sex with emotions is, personally speaking, much better than sex without that emotional aspect. I like sex with someone that I have a close emotional tie to.


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