# Turn off's in men.



## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

In response to the size zero thread, I wanted to know the perspective from others in what they may find unappealing in men. So to start...

Hairy backside. 
Beergut from drinking for many years and then once they hit a certain age e.g forties, it can't hold itself in anymore.
Bad tattoes.
Overweight men in general, it doesn't look remotely attractive.
Overly skinny men, just as bad.
Poor manners, farting, belching excessively just to be a man's man.
Poor grooming, a little scruffy is nice but not hiding those odours well enough is almost vomit inducing. Most unnattractive.
Girly men, the metrosexuals. 
Excess vanity.
Bald beef heads. 
Seedy chat up style.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Lack of intelligence, ignorance, bigotry, vanity, being overly emotional. And... I guess jewellery. Sounds weird but I don't like it. Like those men who wear diamond earrings and gold chains around their necks. Although I suppose this makes me consider them vain, so that goes hand in hand...


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## kitsu (Feb 13, 2013)

Pretention
Materialism
Lack of sophistication
Lack of intelligence


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## gardenhead (Aug 20, 2013)

Coldness, intolerance and stupidity! Everything else, it seems, I can grow to love and even fetishize as long as the person is friendly and interesting.


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## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

You guys should provide more specific examples of things that have turned you off.


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## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

chaoticbrain said:


> You guys should provide more specific examples of things that have turned you off.


Sloppy living space. Not just messy -- I hate housecleaning too -- but literally no clear surfaces in the entire place. Twice, I've gone into a guy's place and decided I was never coming back.


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## AustenT09 (Jul 8, 2013)

Negativity is really gross.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

beer belly, and overweight

body odor 

tattoos

sloppy dress. ( spare me the t shirts,and jeans with holes in them ) 

negativity 

dishonesty

poor financial management: ie, not good with money


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

*Types of men, or types of things in men that turn me off.*

Oh where to begin.

Insecurity. Not all types of insecurity. There are some very specific types. Actually it could be seen as a function within a more specific personality type, if you will. They have something in common. They desperately need to be filled up with lots of external validation through some source.

Type 1: Insecure Conforming Success driven. This is the type of dude who seems to have a bottomless pit of energy for being impressive to a vast percentage of the population. There are people who are impressive to only a few, because they're unique and specialized -- but this guy needs moar validation than that. He wants to be conventionally attractive so he probably works out a lot, which makes him look generic to me. He wants the ladies to show him positive affirmation so he will flirt at least just mildly even when hes in a relationship. In some cases they might even have affairs because they need the ego boost of knowing they're wanted and perform a good dickens on a "maxim hottie". He thinks that his career defines him as a person, so he will talk about it at length, boastfully and arrogantly to other plastic people. His hair is fucking annoyingly in place. I want to mess it up. If I did he would just brush it back in place and give me a glib smile though. Fuckin douche. Boring. 

Type 2: Insecure Aggressive Directionless.
Social subtype: This is your quintessential frat boy, or mook. Shallow, obnoxious, would do anything his friends approve of no matter how dark, as long as hes got a bro back-pat waiting for him after he gets done burying the dead hooker. Not a lot to say about this duder. Hes a prittylaid back kina gah, dun wont no drama, know what im sayen man? Hah hah hah hah. Then hes a fucking psycho when hes drunk. 

Loner subtype: This one is so twisted from hating all the world, that his validation comes from inflicting pain on those who dare to get close enough. Hes probably for the most part an unassuming person, but once you get close you see that he has a weird violent sexual fetish and mommy-issues stemming from a childhood so fucked up that it'll make the most religious of you think there can't be a god.

Type 3: Insecure Internet Dork.
Here is a total loser who likes to talk himself up on the internet, because in real life hes merely a prey animal. A conventionally unattractive one who might talk funny, be a mouth breather, have very poor hygiene and social skills. Sometimes they have friends who are like them, and they will go to comicons together, play magic the gathering, make youtube videos of themselves play-fighting with plastic swords. On the internet they might talk themselves up as being intelligent, assertive, dominant, physically strong, etc etc (all the crap you're not actually irl where *you are a little prey animal*.) Probably wears a trenchcoat sometimes, thinks hes a genius for being shrilly and annoyingly outspoken about being an atheist. Living in like, the bumfuck midwest where there are lots of conservatives makes him think hes a man among sheep for having such radical beliefs. *airjerk* Stupid pussy. Probably jerks off to anime and pictures of asian ladies in undignified positions. You can find these guys a lot posing for photos on The Cringe Channel . "I'm done bein the nice guy, ladies - sorry!" Morbidly embarrassing.

Type 4: Insecure Insecurity-denying "Cultured" guy.
*vom* He thinks that by talking about wine and travel, he has class. Really nothing substantial comes out of his piehole, but it won't stop him from speaking extensively on topics he thinks makes him seem intellectual, refined, and worldly. By having a little pretense in his demeanor he thinks it elevates him. Really hes a boring pompous nobody who feels the harsh pangs of loneliness when hes alone at night. Sometimes they're in an open marriage because they think this makes them evolved and hip, usually they're divorced and don't speak of it, or they're widowers because their wives died of boredom or a broken heart upon realizing what a useless pseudo-intellectual jerkoff he is. This is the type of moron who will compare women to "art" and think hes said something deep and clever, when really hes just as superficial as the fratboy subtype who can actually admit to being stupid and shallow. Probably has "cigar aficionado" on his coffee table. Probably sticks his cigar collection up his fucking ass when no ones around because someone that uptight has to have some weird creepy kink.

I might think of more. Those are all I had from the top of my head for now.


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## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

From personal experience, 

I knew a guy who would otherwise be good-looking and who I was really good friends with, but he had thick feminine lips and these sparse, wormy black mustache hairs around them. 

I know two guys who are super obsessed with academics and career and they only talk about grades and research and are too serious. I admire them, but they kind of scare me! Too serious.

Another guy is very, very nice. He's always cracking jokes and laughing nervously and if someone asks him to do something, he'll do it. He always tags along with the group until everyone else has left. He never expresses anger directly, but seems a little passive aggressive. He's a lovely person, but he could do with some confidence and direction. 

There is a type of guy who is very pompous, but doesn't realize it. He will walk up and introduce himself loudly and just be very businesslike and obnoxious in social settings where people are trying to make real friendships. 

Any guy who stops paying attention to me mid-conversation to talk to someone else. 

Loud, unapologetic frat guys in wifebeaters and backwards baseball caps. I've met nice frat guys too, but in general, we don't get along. 

I follow this poet on tumblr and he has hipsterish instagram photos and on facebook, one of his photos was of his Xanax prescription, like he was proud of how it made him a depressed artsy guy. Illness should not be glorified. 

I don't like guys who get angry easily. It's stupid.


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## Dashing (Sep 19, 2011)

Having a penis.


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## GinningPuma4011 (Aug 22, 2013)

carlaviii said:


> Sloppy living space. Not just messy -- I hate housecleaning too -- but literally no clear surfaces in the entire place. Twice, I've gone into a guy's place and decided I was never coming back.


Yes. Multiple times this has been a determining factor in deciding whether or not I'll keep seeing someone. Grown enough to have his own place and pay the bills, but doesn't care enough to tidy up the place a little bit when he knows company is coming over. 

Bad hygiene. Gross. You know you have a girl coming over, but you don't shower. Then you want me to suck your dick and lick your balls. No. It's a different story when the guy's all hot and sweaty right after a workout or some other physical activity- that's actually a turn on

Bad manners. Arrogance. All the insecure types @Promethea mentioned. Lack of common sense. Inconsideration. 

Not knowing how to talk to people and being an asshole about it. A good number of men on dating sites are only there because they don't know how to interact with women in real life. It just gives them a chance to be brazen without having to face the consequences by hiding behind a computer screen. "Hey, nice tits" or "I wanna lick your butt" isn't gonna get me to want to talk to you. I appreciate when people are straightforward, but that's not the right way to go about it.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

GinningPuma4011 said:


> Yes. Multiple times this has been a determining factor in deciding whether or not I'll keep seeing someone. Grown enough to have his own place and pay the bills, but doesn't care enough to tidy up the place a little bit when you know company is coming over.
> 
> Bad hygiene. Gross. You know you have a girl coming over, but you don't shower. Then you want me to suck your dick and lick your balls. No. It's a different story when the guy's all hot and sweaty right after a workout or some other physical activity- that's actually a turn on
> 
> ...


Oh man.. guys on okcupid. *facepalm*

I see a huge issue with a lot of the insecure types of men, in the way they feel so entitled. There are two general areas of false sense of entitlement in there. Firstly, they think that women are like a vending machine for sex, and if you put your cents in, they owe it in return. They get all huffy if you don't "give" them something in exchange for burdening them with having to get to know you. Then there is the entitlement to beauty. Though a lot of these guys aren't that -_conventionally_- attractive (with exception to mr compulsive high achiever, and some of the frat boys), they sure feel like they're owed a maxim hottie, or as I have seen some put it "she'd better weigh less than me." *eyeroll*


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## GinningPuma4011 (Aug 22, 2013)

Promethea said:


> Oh man.. guys on okcupid. *facepalm*
> 
> I see a huge issue with a lot of the insecure types of men, in the way they feel so entitled. There are two general areas of false sense of entitlement in there. Firstly, they think that women are like a vending machine for sex, and if you put your cents in, they owe it in return. They get all huffy if you don't "give" them something in exchange for burdening them with having to get to know you. Then there is the entitlement to beauty. Though a lot of these guys aren't that -_conventionally_- attractive (with exception to mr compulsive high achiever, and some of the frat boys), they sure feel like they're owed a maxim hottie, or as I have seen some put it "she'd better weigh less than me." *eyeroll*


Bingo.

Those men with a sense of entitlement can be broken down to another subtype: the "nice guy." Being nice doesn't automatically get you ass. FOH, douchebag. Then when he doesn't get what he wants, he'll start talking shit and say something about nice guys finishing last, as if it really applied to him. Whatthefuckever.

EDIT: actually, the "nice guy" goes under the first kind you described. My b.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

GinningPuma4011 said:


> Bingo.
> 
> Those men with a sense of entitlement can be broken down to another subtype: the "nice guy." Being nice doesn't automatically get you ass. FOH, douchebag. Then when he doesn't get what he wants, he'll start talking shit and say something about nice guys finishing last, as if it really applied to him. Whatthefuckever.
> 
> EDIT: actually, the "nice guy" goes under the first kind you described. My b.


i was looking for something else, but then i saw this and it made me laugh.. a meme exaggeration of how critical they are:


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## la_revolucion (May 16, 2013)

Off the top of my head....*

Whiny Baby*
These are men who refuse to evaluate themselves. They are spoiled and entitled brats who think they are god's gift to this earth. They DESERVE that great job and that hot girl because they are just flat out awesome. If they fail at any of those things than it's not their fault. It's the fault of the rest of the world! They are not going to improve or change themselves because why should they? They are already perfection. They have already "done everything" they could. In reality, these guys are nasty and stupid neanderthals that the rest of society actively rejects. Hence why they fail at everything. 

*Arrogant Asshole*
These guys always have to be right. After all, everything they say clearly oozes Eisenstein levels of intelligence. They will argue with you about the smallest of details and drone on about the stupidity of humanity compared to their massive intellects. In actuality, their arrogance is 99.9% of the time a ploy to hide their tiny and fragile egos. They are weak inside, and to feel strong they put down those around them as an ego boost. Yes, they are THAT pathetic. Also, a great majority are actually not smart. AT ALL.

*Sexist Pig*
Pretty self-explanatory. Sexists complain endlessly and ignorantly about feminists and how terrible women are in general. They lump all women together and think they all should behave how he deems appropriate. Often these guys fall into the Whiny Baby category. 

*Always Mr. Funny Guy*
They always have to throw in their two cents about everything. Your grandma died? Well he is going to make a joke about it! Yes, he is just THAT witty and clever! Keeping his big, fat mouth shut is near impossible. He just has so many amusing things to say! Too bad he is no Jerry Seinfeld, and 80% of the time he needs to shut the hell up. 

*Mr. Passive Aggressive*
He rarely shows emotion. Ask him and he will say that he doesn't have emotions! Every negative feeling will be repressed. But wait, he will lash out at you via passive aggression. Whenever his fragile ego is offended (And it will be often!) he will pretend you don't exist. No eye contact, no touching and no speaking. But he isn't mad he says! Yeah right... Completely clueless to his own emotions. He acts just like a little kid, and is much like Whiny Baby, just minus all the vocal complaints.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Promethea said:


> Oh where to begin.
> 
> Insecurity. Not all types of insecurity. There are some very specific types. Actually it could be seen as a function within a more specific personality type, if you will. They have something in common. They desperately need to be filled up with lots of external validation through some source.
> 
> ...


But tell us how you really feel...


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## Indiana Dan (Jun 11, 2013)

la_revolucion said:


> Off the top of my head....*
> 
> Whiny Baby*
> These are men who refuse to evaluate themselves. They are spoiled and entitled brats who think they are god's gift to this earth. They DESERVE that great job and that hot girl because they are just flat out awesome. If they fail at any of those things than it's not their fault. It's the fault of the rest of the world! They are not going to improve or change themselves because why should they? They are already perfection. They have already "done everything" they could. In reality, these guys are nasty and stupid neanderthals that the rest of society actively rejects. Hence why they fail at everything.



I fit the Whiny Baby description perfectly!


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

android654 said:


> But tell us how you really feel...


I did exaggerate a little for comedic purposes. ; )


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Promethea said:


> I did exaggerate a little for comedic purposes. ; )


It was cheeky, I'll give you that, but I'm also giving you the finger because your link took me to some creepy shit.


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## GinningPuma4011 (Aug 22, 2013)

ethicsGradient said:


> so basically no nerds, frat boys, or hipsters?


Not necessarily. Nerds can be sexy


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## ethicsGradient (Sep 10, 2013)

^ sure theres exceptions, but as a general rule? these are not necessarily my sentiments, just putting what ive read in a nutshell lol


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

chaoticbrain said:


> I wasn't saying anyone was stereotyping men, just saying I don't really like this idea of "types" of people if you know what I mean.


Erm but you seem quite okay about identifying as an ENTP? *confuzzled*


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## EccentricSiren (Sep 3, 2013)

I think my biggest turn-off would be a sexist attitude, or a double standard. I see that so often and I think it's sickening. A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with three guys, and they were all talking about this girl who all of them had slept with, saying that the fact that she had slept with them so easily meant she wasn't girlfriend material, completely ignoring the fact that they had slept with her just as easily. They seemed to like that it was easy to get her into bed, but they didn't want her as an actual girlfriend. That conversation destroyed any chance any of them might have had of me ever being romantically attracted to them.


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## GinningPuma4011 (Aug 22, 2013)

ethicsGradient said:


> ^ sure theres exceptions, but as a general rule? these are not necessarily my sentiments, just putting what ive read in a nutshell lol


If you want to be that basic...


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Whoa you're back! @mushr00m


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## ethicsGradient (Sep 10, 2013)

GinningPuma4011 said:


> If you want to be that basic...


that was the entire point....seems pretty basic lol ;p


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

mushr00m said:


> Well this was an interesting experiment indeed. One thing I have learnt, criticism is criticism regardless, just that human beings find judgementalness cathartic in some way. I certainly did when I created this thread as a response to the physical hate threads on women and because I do think this was a good idea if only to just realize this critical society, me guilty included! Not to say the above isn't valid but it evens it out a bit, albeit negatively. So yes, interesting!


One person made a comment about cellulite. The thread you referenced were largely supportive of a variety of physical types, claiming consensus that it is what's inside that counts. The judgementalness there pales in comparison to the pent up feelings of judgement so easily articulated here (although some was tongue and cheek). I find that exceedingly interesting. 

Were there other threads that I missed which displayed "physical hate threads on women"? Because I am interested in observing the nuances of such behavior on this forum. I just haven't really found any.


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## Night & Day (Jul 17, 2010)

Physical turn offs... 

-fat bellies
-hairy
-stinky 
-poor hygiene
-stretchmarks 
-cellulite
-uncircumcised penises

Characteristics
-Big ego
-Self entitlement 
-Lazy
-Friend zone 'victims'
-Horndogs 
-Materialistic


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## Night & Day (Jul 17, 2010)

marked174 said:


> One person made a comment about cellulite. The thread you referenced were largely supportive of a variety of physical types, claiming consensus that it is what's inside that counts. The judgementalness there pales in comparison to the pent up feelings of judgement so easily articulated here (although some was tongue and cheek). I find that exceedingly interesting.
> 
> Were there other threads that I missed which displayed "physical hate threads on women"? Because I am interested in observing the nuances of such behavior on this forum. I just haven't really found any.


Not really, we're just expressing what turns us off about men. There are many threads about what turns men off in women, so it shouldn't bother you. o.o


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

marked174 said:


> One person made a comment about cellulite. The thread you referenced were largely supportive of a variety of physical types, claiming consensus that it is what's inside that counts. The judgementalness there pales in comparison to the pent up feelings of judgement so easily articulated here (although some was tongue and cheek). I find that exceedingly interesting.
> 
> Were there other threads that I missed which displayed "physical hate threads on women"? Because I am interested in observing the nuances of such behavior on this forum. I just haven't really found any.


Does it really matter though? It's still physical judgement both ways, although in the other thread, yes, an individual made some preachy comments in which fair responses were added. Like I said though, I was curious as to what the responses would be as a response to one person's harsh comments, would it make the male gender think that they are just as vulnerable to judgement as the female gender. So perhaps it was out of proportion to the situation but also no, depends on how you look at it.


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## RandomRubiks (Sep 13, 2013)

Guys who are obsessed with being masculine and straight. Ugh. Or guys who use words like "******" or "girl" to insult.
Easily bruised egos.
Guys who believe in the friendzone is really a dealbreaker, honestly.
Low self-esteem.
Not letting me have my privacy.
Shyness. (Sorry)


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## AustenT09 (Jul 8, 2013)

gardenhead said:


> Um... you like men with plucked eyebrows?...


Yes. I'm not saying I want someone with chola or drag queen eyebrows, but a bit of maintenance is extremely helpful. I know so many men who walk around with jungles above their eyes and it's just really, really gross. Especially if they leave their unibrow to run wild. I'm a man and I pluck mine, and they still look masculine.


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## GinningPuma4011 (Aug 22, 2013)

Fine Shrine said:


> Characteristics
> -Big ego
> -Self entitlement
> -Lazy
> ...


Thank you!

There's no such thing as a "friend zone." Not everyone is going to be attracted to you. Get the fuck over it. And it's not the end of the world if a girl isn't attracted to you at a particular point in time.


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Fine Shrine said:


> Not really, we're just expressing what turns us off about men. There are many threads about what turns men off in women, so it shouldn't bother you. o.o


In this forum? Please provide links.


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

mushr00m said:


> Does it really matter though? It's still physical judgement both ways, although in the other thread, yes, an individual made some preachy comments in which fair responses were added. Like I said though, I was curious as to what the responses would be as a response to one person's harsh comments, would it make the male gender think that they are just as vulnerable to judgement as the female gender. So perhaps it was out of proportion to the situation but also no, depends on how you look at it.


I'm just saying that if we use the thread you referenced, the differences are quite telling. The men focused on what they liked; they didn't make a list of what they didn't like. Big difference. Positive outlook vs. a negative one. If these threads are any indication, the male gender is infinitely more vulnerable to judgement than the female gender. Quite telling.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

marked174 said:


> I'm just saying that if we use the thread you referenced, the differences are quite telling. The men focused on what they liked; they didn't make a list of what they didn't like. Big difference. Positive outlook vs. a negative one. If these threads are any indication, the male gender is infinitely more vulnerable to judgement than the female gender. Quite telling.


Mmm. Ok.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Qualities that turn me off:

1. superficiality, sexual objectification, porn use, a tendency to see women as interchangeable or to discriminate based on appearances.

2. cruelty, anti-sensitive attitudes, promoting bullying or victim blaming, devaluing feelings, practicing invalidation, blaming others for being affected by his lack of tact.

3. pushiness, disrespecting boundaries, being manipulative or controlling, attempting sexual coercion, not taking certain forms of rape seriously, a sense of sexual entitlement.

4. excessive ambition, status seeking, desire for dominance, aggression, materialistic tendencies, disrespecting the disadvantaged.

5. lacking the courage to stand up for his values.

6. using punishments, neglect or intimidation to change my behavior, having a violent temper, being unwilling to communicate, being unwilling to work through conflicts in a positive and reassuring manner.


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## Glenda Gnome Starr (May 12, 2011)

turnoffs:
racist, bigoted attitude
smoking
excessive drinking
bad odor
constantly negative and whiny
dishonest


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## Night & Day (Jul 17, 2010)

marked174 said:


> In this forum? Please provide links.


It takes a little bit of reading to see. :wink: To name a few...

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/161610-size-zero.html

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/158663-dating-older-women.html

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/156621-power-women-have-feminists-afraid-admit.html


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Pachacutie said:


> Where what has happened? Can you be a little more specific? Men creating their own version of this thread? I'm not linking it because you can just click on the Sex & Relationships link and find it at least in the top 5. It's a separate thread.
> 
> If you meant where did women list things that are also relevant to women then you're just not paying attention. My own post is an example. Or any of the ones that involve undesirable personality traits? Such as being disrespectful, being arrogant, etc. Also some physical traits as well like being overweight or having bad teeth.
> 
> ...


I just saw it after I posted. Interestingly, even that thread hasn't produced men doing this. The OP @DiamondDays tried, but so far men are just too nice. Most of them won't stoop to this level, which is good, because it shames the ones who have done so here.


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

DiamondDays said:


> I am not in the slightest butthurt over the fact that this thread is pointed towards men. I am however quite upset over the fact that otherwise nice people will let themselves stoop to this ridiculous level. Shame on you.


You see, under pressure, even "nice" people got to take a stance and make a fair point. This is afterall a public forum and is a social space. Cos how ridiculous does it now look when it is written this way and that others have actually SEEN and read things, especially from those who normally does not antagonise but have to take these things on the chin ? I do not feel that ashamed in doing so, as it is a statement made on my side. 

Why are you upset that we are upset ? Cos if you were upset that this will upset us, then why even not step in and nib things in the bud before it escalates to this point in time ? 

A social space is just that. It belongs to everybody. If nobody nip things in the bud, and let it go feral, then sure.. This pollutes society as a whole. Sorry, maybe there is a kind of.. how to say it..."freedom of speech" element to this, right ?


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

DiamondDays said:


> ^ what i wrote above. Shame on you trying to play the "but you did fiiiirst" game. Ridiculous, petty and childish.


The difference is the other thread has one objective, to simply retaliate in return, not to progress or learn from it. It's like the way we were spoken about initially has been forgotten in the process.


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

GinningPuma4011 said:


> Fail. Didn't realize it'd be so small. Posting from my phone.
> 
> imgur: the simple image sharer


He must be a really young guy... OMG indeed... What is wrong with people ?!?! Do you talk to your mom this way ? ... 
The way that people talk these days is a bit gross. If I was a young girl, I would've been so hurt and shocked by that kind of language.


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## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

Bago said:


> You see, under pressure, even "nice" people got to take a stance and make a fair point. This is afterall a public forum and is a social space. Cos how ridiculous does it now look when it is written this way and that others have actually SEEN and read things, especially from those who normally does not antagonise but have to take these things on the chin ? I do not feel that ashamed in doing so, as it is a statement made on my side.
> 
> Why are you upset that we are upset ? Cos if you were upset that this will upset us, then why even not step in and nib things in the bud before it escalates to this point in time ?
> 
> A social space is just that. It belongs to everybody. If nobody nip things in the bud, and let it go feral, then sure.. This pollutes society as a whole. Sorry, maybe there is a kind of.. how to say it..."freedom of speech" element to this, right ?


Uhh, this thread is just an exercise in shameless ridiculing of men you seem to feel equal parts pity and disgust towards. By you i am talking about the posters in general of course. You may justify yourself all you want, it is still very undignified.


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

Purple Lemon said:


> You're the first person in this thread whose standards I live up to.
> Then I realized you're a man... :/
> I've come to the conclusion most women here are fairly judgmental
> (I mean that in the nicest way possible)


Of course we judge. We judge to see if this is scary, and if this feels safe. I sometimes have to put on a brave face and put on a pretend face, as not to antagonise or retaliate when in real life, but really my heart is racing cos it feels quite wrong to receive such attentions or words etc. 

People forget how to be human.


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## Pachacutie (Aug 27, 2010)

marked174 said:


> I just saw it after I posted. Interestingly, even that thread hasn't produced men doing this. The OP @DiamondDays tried, but so far men are just too nice. Most of them won't stoop to this level, which is good, because it shames the ones who have done so here.


It's not that they won't stoop to that level. Everyone is judgmental and it's kind of sad that you're trying to chalk it up to the fact that "men are just nicer". _That_is sexist and stereotyping. You're the one policing the forums for any negative talk about men and yet you throw something out like this and expect to be taken seriously. It's really disappointing because you occasionally have decent points and people do need to learn that feminism is not about disparaging men. If you're just trolling, well, ignore what I'm saying because in that case I don't honestly care and thank you for wasting a few of my minutes.

It was doomed from the start because of the turn this thread took. Most people don't want to post on it because people are placing blame on those that have posted here and we can't have open and honest discussion about gender and dating because of posts like the one you just displayed where you make it an us vs. them battle. Admittedly, I didn't really look at the OP in this thread and wasn't thinking about "all those times men have done this to women" on the forum. (Not that I am saying she did something bad, I have no opinion) I just thought it was kind of funny and wanted to add my two cents about what I would want in the person I date. 

It doesn't shame me at all but you should be ashamed.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

Donovan said:


> lol, what does that mean ("difficult to understand")? do you mean that it doesn't fit the image of what a masculine body should be? or that being that lean/"developed" ends up looking like a "harder", altered version of what is normally seen on a woman?


l'm not sure. l guess it's just something l have to ''learn'' to see the right way lol. Like one of those holographic images. 
Usually go for skinnier boys.


----------



## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Pachacutie said:


> It's not that they won't stoop to that level. Everyone is judgmental and it's kind of sad that you're trying to chalk it up to the fact that "men are just nicer". _That_is sexist and stereotyping. You're the one policing the forums for any negative talk about men and yet you throw something out like this and expect to be taken seriously. It's really disappointing because you occasionally have decent points and people do need to learn that feminism is not about disparaging men. If you're just trolling, well, ignore what I'm saying because in that case I don't honestly care and thank you for wasting a few of my minutes.
> 
> It was doomed from the start because of the turn this thread took. Most people don't want to post on it because people are placing blame on those that have posted here and we can't have open and honest discussion about gender and dating because of posts like the one you just displayed where you make it an us vs. them battle. Admittedly, I didn't really look at the OP in this thread and wasn't thinking about "all those times men have done this to women" on the forum. (Not that I am saying she did something bad, I have no opinion) I just thought it was kind of funny and wanted to add my two cents about what I would want in the person I date.
> 
> It doesn't shame me at all but you should be ashamed.


I said "*these men* are just nicer". It's not a stereotype; it's a fact. The men on this forum haven't done this, while the women on this forum have. I'm not saying that these women are worse because they are women, I'm saying that they're worse because of their words. There's no hiding behind gender on this one.

Edit: it should say "while the women on this *thread* have". There are many lovely ladies in this community who would never think of making negative posts like those. I get the words forum/thread mixed up sometimes. Sorry.


----------



## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

mushr00m said:


> The difference is this thread has one objective, to simply retaliate in return, not to progress or learn from it. It's like the way we were spoken about initially has been forgotten in the process.


Except it's already been proved that you're *not *retaliating. One person made one comment and a bunch of *men and women* called him out on it. That's not retaliation, it's just lashing out.


----------



## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

marked174 said:


> Except it's already been proved that you're *not *retaliating. One person made one comment and a bunch of *men and women* called him out on it. That's not retaliation, it's just lashing out.


This indeed a retaliation cos the other threads were absolutely vulgar to the tee. Sexualises women. Yet, when women uses "words" to respond back, see how others feel ?

The other threads actually is intimidating to women, and it does make them feel so bad, horrible too. Cos to me, it is so upsetting to see that is actually what guys think. Discuss. How they behave. I was fairly certain that the men I met in my life is not like that, so for me to find that here on the internet, well! That is a shock. Maybe my behaviour is also crass too, which I also know. But this is responding in a way which will hit the core emotional spot of the opposite gender, and obviously it has worked. Cos see the men's responses here about this thread being below the belt? Well, f that is how they feel, then you should know by now how women feel about the other threads alone. It is quite sick actually... Maybe you need to learn about psychology of women, and what they find harmful of not etc. 

If we did not know how men tick, then we won't be able to pick classic lines that will hit your core. Simple. 
Call me crazy, for some reason, I kind of hoped that others would have a sense of decencies as well but it seems that they do not... So. I am surprised at your response too. 

This is a very classic "battle of the sexes" arguments you know.. I am surprised that you seemed a tad waivered by this. 
*Shrugs* 

Maybe you have been used to women in your life acting like men and not acting like women, which is that they TALK ! When I was younger and I see those kind of comments made by Bitchy guys, I used to walk away from them and not even entertain and be their audience. I mean... look at how many threads are made by men here and how super bitchy THEY are ???


----------



## Pachacutie (Aug 27, 2010)

marked174 said:


> I said "*these men* are just nicer". It's not a stereotype; it's a fact. The men on this forum haven't done this, while the women on this forum have. I'm not saying that these women are worse because they are women, I'm saying that they're worse because of their words. There's no hiding behind gender on this one.


Yeah, see, that's a cop out. You said, "so far men are just too nice". You did not say "these men". And again, the fact that you think men on this forum wouldn't list turn offs of women if this thread hadn't gone sour or been presented the wrong way kind of just proves something in itself. They absolutely would if this debacle had not occurred. There are a lot of people on this forum. That's a lot of men you're saying are nicer than the women who have posted here and they just so happen to be of a different gender that you're vehement in defending. It was about gender, even if thinly veiled by excuses. Maybe this thread wasn't great, maybe I shouldn't have posted in it but at least I am not saying that "so far women seem to be less whiny and that in itself should shame the posters in the other thread" and then defending it by saying it was _not_ about gender. (for the record, I am not saying that. It was just an example.)

I will not respond again. Have a nice day.


----------



## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Pachacutie said:


> And again, the fact that you think men on this forum wouldn't list turn offs of women if this thread hadn't gone sour or been presented the wrong way kind of just proves something in itself. They absolutely would if this debacle had not occurred.


No way! 

It'd be shut and closed within seconds while additionally hailed down upon with ifnractions for blantant sexism!

P.S: I don't care :mellow:

Have a nice day, everyone!


----------



## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Pachacutie said:


> Yeah, see, that's a cop out. You said, "so far men are just too nice". You did not say "these men". And again, the fact that you think men on this forum wouldn't list turn offs of women if this thread hadn't gone sour or been presented the wrong way kind of just proves something in itself. They absolutely would if this debacle had not occurred. There are a lot of people on this forum. That's a lot of men you're saying are nicer than the women who have posted here and they just so happen to be of a different gender that you're vehement in defending. It was about gender, even if thinly veiled by excuses. Maybe this thread wasn't great, maybe I shouldn't have posted in it but at least I am not saying that "so far women seem to be less whiny and that in itself should shame the posters in the other thread" and then defending it by saying it was _not_ about gender. (for the record, I am not saying that. It was just an example.)
> 
> I will not respond again. Have a nice day.


Context: "So far in this thread" clearly implies the scope of this forum. Again, I am legitimately interesed in finding threads where the men here do this kind of thing to the women; but no real proof has been brought forward. Honestly, it's not what I expected either, but the results are quite telling nonetheless.


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Bago said:


> This indeed a retaliation cos the other threads were absolutely vulgar to the tee. Sexualises women. Yet, when women uses "words" to respond back, see how others feel ?
> 
> The other threads actually is intimidating to women, and it does make them feel so bad, horrible too. Cos to me, it is so upsetting to see that is actually what guys think. Discuss. How they behave. I was fairly certain that the men I met in my life is not like that, so for me to find that here on the internet, well! That is a shock. Maybe my behaviour is also crass too, which I also know. But this is responding in a way which will hit the core emotional spot of the opposite gender, and obviously it has worked. Cos see the men's responses here about this thread being below the belt? Well, f that is how they feel, then you should know by now how women feel about the other threads alone. It is quite sick actually... Maybe you need to learn about psychology of women, and what they find harmful of not etc.
> 
> ...


I'm not kidding, please show me these threads. I'm trying to look at "how many bitchy threads" guys here make, and the number is pretty low. If they are as numerous as you claim, they would be easy to cite.


----------



## Boomerang (Apr 3, 2013)

_*Wow. 

*_Damn. I guess it's useful, if sobering, information to know what girls would not be attracted to you.


----------



## Donovan (Nov 3, 2009)

am i the only one who thought this thread was funny... at least in the beginning? (i like seeing "girls" "act like guys"... it got stupid pretty quickly though, :laughing.


----------



## CharlieP (Sep 12, 2013)

Guys, gosh... lighten_up. 





 
Threads like this can be illuminating, if you can resist the urge to insert yourself in the conversation. Just sit back, shut up and learn. 

Someone says something you don't like? Fine, don't ask her to go away with you for the weekend.


----------



## Pachacutie (Aug 27, 2010)

@Erbse You may be right about that one.. I thought that might be another reason that no one wanted to get involved with the other thread.

but yeah, too much derailing. Sorry.


----------



## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

marked174 said:


> I'm not kidding' please show me these threads. I'm trying to look at "how many bitchy threads" guys here make, and the number is pretty low. If they are as numerous as you claim, they would be easy to cite.


Every time I come here, it seems there are new threads designed specifically to objectify or insult women. It is almost impossible to find a thread in the sex and relationships section where there aren't comments about how hard men have it now because feminism has ruined the world (are they serious?!), or how fat women don't deserve love or respect because [ignorant generalizations about imagined lifestyle choices and character flaws], or where slut-shaming and victim blaming aren't used to excuse violence, or where women aren't being criticized for making our own independent fashion choices. 

Most threads about what guys want in a partner can be summarized as this:

"eew, fat girls are gross, but in order to not sound like a douchebag, I have to include that I might be willing to make exceptions if you're only fat because of a medical condition you can't control. That exception is really just a technicality, because I actually plan to reject all of you fatties without finding out how you got that way, and I'll give you looks of disapproval as I walk by you, even if you are total strangers that I know nothing about. I'll just make arrogant and unfounded assumptions about your character, lifestyle, and worth based on what you look like, and I'll use "concerns about your physical health and psychological fitness" to justify what is actually fear-based personal disgust. It's not like I want to put my dick in something flabby, because eew, and because what would my douchey friends think? I won't admit that I see your body as more significant than your character, because then you'll accuse me of objectifying women, which is what I am actually doing, but it's only objectification if it is TOTAL objectification, right? Something has to be pure evil to count as bad. Anyhow, if I pretend that being ugly is a character flaw, I've found the magical loophole! I'm not going to apologize for it or take responsibility for my bigotry. No, I'm going to say I can't help but be a jerk, because I am hard-wired by evolution to like [whatever is celebrated by the dominant culture]. Oh, and I'm entitled to my own preferences, so stop trying to control me, you man-hating feminist."


Seriously, when I go to those threads, that is how it all sounds to me.


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## Boomerang (Apr 3, 2013)

snail said:


> Every time I come here, it seems there are new threads designed specifically to objectify or insult women. It is almost impossible to find a thread in the sex and relationships section where there aren't comments about how hard men have it now because feminism has ruined the world (are they serious?!), or how fat women don't deserve love or respect because [ignorant generalizations about imagined lifestyle choices and character flaws], or where slut-shaming and victim blaming aren't used to excuse violence, or where women aren't being criticized for making our own independent fashion choices.
> 
> Most threads about what guys want in a partner can be summarized as this:
> 
> ...


That isn't what he asked you, though. He asked you to show the threads you speak of.


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## VioletIris (Jan 15, 2010)

"Positive/optimistic.
Ambitious.
muscle definition.
"Devoid of pallor" -- note: to be _devoid_ of pallor means to _have _healthy color.
A sex-drive.
Likes dogs 
Neurotypical.
Doesn't know how to pronounce and spell Nietzsche correctly, or worse, has no idea who he is.
Desires children.
Eats fish.
Convinced life has a purpose.
Enjoys the heat.
Moral realist.
The ''v thing'' on the lower abdomen"

Wow - when you find the guy with all of the above "turn offs", please send him over to my place! Including the Nietzsche thing - it's much more important that he can look at a car engine and diagnose the problem.







The "v" thing?


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## MisterD (Feb 24, 2010)

It must be frustrating as a woman... Having a large sexual appetite but having to pull-off not coming up as a slut or being too easy.

As for the thread, it is an insight into some of the thoughts of women.

Everyone knows what they want. I have many of these negative traits, however I go all in on the traits... So, I guess it's a new experience for the women I meet?


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

snail said:


> Every time I come here, it seems there are new threads designed specifically to objectify or insult women. It is almost impossible to find a thread in the sex and relationships section where there aren't comments about how hard men have it now because feminism has ruined the world (are they serious?!), or how fat women don't deserve love or respect because [ignorant generalizations about imagined lifestyle choices and character flaws], or where slut-shaming and victim blaming aren't used to excuse violence, or where women aren't being criticized for making our own independent fashion choices.
> 
> Most threads about what guys want in a partner can be summarized as this:
> 
> ...


Which posts? Which threads? Do the majority of the posters feel this way, or is it just one person who gets corrected by both genders?

And on a side note: how would you feel if someone responded to this truly heartfelt post of yours with something like this:



> Guys, gosh... lighten_up.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

marked174 said:


> Which posts? Which threads? Do the majority of the posters feel this way, or is it just one person who gets corrected by both genders?
> 
> And on a side note: how would you feel if someone responded to this truly heartfelt post of yours with something like this:


If you noticed, I actually applaud the guy cos he is telling you to LEARN. 
If this gentleman is older than I, I too would learn to shut up. Simple. 

This forum is so full of poo, that it is pretty unreal. Seriously. I used to respect men, before I came online, and then I hear these kind of BS things like "friend zone", and "playing games" and... this.. that... feminism.. complaint complaint complaint. At first, I give them the sympathies, but now, this is TOO MUCH INFO ! 

Life is simple. You respect the other person. You listen to their needs. If they are different to yours. Then walk away. Do not argue back. If you like the other person, absorb some of their needs and try to understand them and make them feel comfortable. Do not fight, cos you are supposed to love them, and make them feel comfortable. That is it. 

On this sub-forum all I hear are NOISE.
I am a man and I blah blah blah blah blah.... ya ya ya ya... blah blah blah... you you you you you... Generalise. Generalisation. 
Never have I read a simple, "So ladies, what do you think of this situation and scenario... Would you find this attractive? Is this a good idea?" i.e. respect the other person's gender and ask directly for response and feedback. 

Everybody makes mistake in the dating world, and we have not died yet. We just don't or shouldn't take that anger out onto someone else, or an internet forum. This is simple. If you do not get what you want, sometimes it is okay to ASK why for other people's opinions, BUT do so discreetly ! Find someone trustworthy, preferably a married person who is also in a happy relationship. Not broadcast it loudly on the internet.


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## Boomerang (Apr 3, 2013)

Bago said:


> If you noticed, I actually applaud the guy cos he is telling you to LEARN.
> If this gentleman is older than I, I too would learn to shut up. Simple.
> 
> This forum is so full of poo, that it is pretty unreal. Seriously. I used to respect men, before I came online, and then I hear these kind of BS things like "friend zone", and "playing games" and... this.. that... feminism.. complaint complaint complaint. At first, I give them the sympathies, but now, this is TOO MUCH INFO !
> ...


Again, he's not asking you to elaborate on why certain threads might be full of bad people. He's asking you to submit some evidence, to post some threads that have what you speak of. If these threads truly exist, then it is unfortunate because those men are acting like selfish pigs. But, the fact is that you've posted nothing of the sort, no evidence whatsoever to believe what you say. It's not being insensitive, it's believing in what is true and real.


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## EccentricSiren (Sep 3, 2013)

Speaking from a purely physical sense, I would find it difficult to feel sexual attraction for someone significantly shorter than I am. I could definitely still be friends, but I would like my boyfriend to be my height or taller. I've thought about why that is, since I don't really feel like I need to be protected, and even if I did, a short guy with mad king-fu skills would do the job better than a tall guy who knew nothing about any sort of self-defense. But I think it's because of the fact that a shorter guy would be eye-level with my breasts all the time, and I would feel uncomfortable with that.


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## VioletIris (Jan 15, 2010)

> But I think it's because of the fact that a shorter guy would be eye-level with my breasts all the time, and I would feel uncomfortable with that.


Yet I hear women barely 5'0" tall insist that the man be at least 6'0" -- so what does that put those women eye-level with? :tongue:


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

Boomerang said:


> Again, he's not asking you to elaborate on why certain threads might be full of bad people. He's asking you to submit some evidence, to post some threads that have what you speak of. If these threads truly exist, then it is unfortunate because those men are acting like selfish pigs. But, the fact is that you've posted nothing of the sort, no evidence whatsoever to believe what you say. It's not being insensitive, it's believing in what is true and real.


Not going to bite. I think you are missing the point.


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## Boomerang (Apr 3, 2013)

Bago said:


> Not going to bite. I think you are missing the point.


How am I missing the point? He had a simple request: if there are so many threads full of the stuff you say there is, post those threads. Link to them. You repeatedly say there are tons of threads on here specifically designed to objectify or insult women, and he asked you to prove it.

Furthermore, if I'm missing some sort of point, why not point it out? Saying "not going to bite. I think you are missing the point" is akin to saying "you're an idiot so I'm not going to try to make my case." It's shirking the burden and writing people off unfairly. Insensitive, even.


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## EccentricSiren (Sep 3, 2013)

VioletIris said:


> Yet I hear women barely 5'0" tall insist that the man be at least 6'0" -- so what does that put those women eye-level with? :tongue:


I wonder if men think of that, or if it makes them uncomfortable...Considering that I'm close to 5'8", I'd have a hard time finding someone so much taller than me that I would be eye-level with anything I don't necessarily want to be eye-level with. So I don't know what that would be like, or whether that would be a turn-on for me.


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

Boomerang said:


> How am I missing the point? He had a simple request: if there are so many threads full of the stuff you say there is, post those threads. Link to them. You repeatedly say there are tons of threads on here specifically designed to objectify or insult women, and he asked you to prove it.
> 
> Furthermore, if I'm missing some sort of point, why not point it out? Saying "not going to bite. I think you are missing the point" is akin to saying "you're an idiot so I'm not going to try to make my case." It's shirking the burden and writing people off unfairly. Insensitive, even.


Did you read the ones that I wrote ?
That I do not like mothering other people, when I should see them as equal. My peer level. 

The thing is, you know there is something wrong, and you want to learn the lesson, but in doing so, you are coming across as challenging to someone else to find that answer. I think it is obvious. I checked CharlieP's age, and he is indeed an older gentleman who has more life experiences than yourself. So I would just keep schtum and listen to him and not cause more waves. Some lessons you may learn easily in life, others you have to go through hardship to come out the other end to learn. Unfortunately, you are not at that age to learn, and understand what we are on about, cos you do not even get and understand what is the lesson to learn. For now, it would pay dividend if you just GAVE respectful POLITE responses TO women. Until you have walked in a women's shoes, then do not presume that you know how woman feels. It is that simple. 

It is not insensitive of me to not teach you this lesson, cos life's lessons are meant to be learnt by oneself and through adversities. So why should I tell you what this is about when it is obvious that you do not even understand why other ladies here are so mad, and that you are just jumping onto the bandwagon and seeing the situation with a narrow view only ? 

I'm beginning to understand why there are so many odd threads like that, it is indeed to do with the age of the individuals involved. It totally sums up the demographic of this section of the forum. Silly me... So obvious.


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## Purple Lemon (Jul 20, 2013)

Mzansi said:


> Haha I feel people can sometimes just try and put so many expectations on someone,
> Which almost always leads to disappointment.
> I take the good and bad from someone,
> But there are a few things I won't ever compromise with in a relationship
> ...


Haha thanks, I might of found her actually...
But it's too soon to know.

And I keep hearing people talking about "Learning" in this thread.
How absolutely ignorant!
If nearly everything we do pisses someone off, that's their problem. we shouldn't change for them.
The minute you change for someone else is the moment you lose yourself.
So I am proud to be over emotional, non athletic, and with a high sex drive.
Because that's me  even if I'm not the perfect man.


----------



## Boomerang (Apr 3, 2013)

Bago said:


> Did you read the ones that I wrote ?
> That I do not like mothering other people, when I should see them as equal. My peer level.
> 
> The thing is, you know there is something wrong, and you want to learn the lesson, but in doing so, you are coming across as challenging to someone else to find that answer. I think it is obvious. I checked CharlieP's age, and he is indeed an older gentleman who has more life experiences than yourself. So I would just keep schtum and listen to him and not cause more waves. Some lessons you may learn easily in life, others you have to go through hardship to come out the other end to learn. Unfortunately, you are not at that age to learn, and understand what we are on about, cos you do not even get and understand what is the lesson to learn. For now, it would pay dividend if you just GAVE respectful POLITE responses TO women. Until you have walked in a women's shoes, then do not presume that you know how woman feels. It is that simple.
> ...


I read them and they really had nothing to do with the greater issue at hand. The crux of the situation is this: you say people are doing things, another poster asked you to prove it. You haven't, so I pressed you to prove it. You haven't. 

And, this is just a side-note, I also love how you presume to know my stance regarding anything other than that which I have explicitly stated in this thread. I made absolutely no statement about the ladies in this thread, nor have I alluded to any such thing. The most I've done is state that it is useful, if sobering information to know who doesn't find you attractive AND that some other dude is just asking you to prove what you say. 

You can keep going on about how I have some lessons to learn and whatnot, but that isn't really important here. I've stayed neutral here; I've made no judgments on the ladies in this thread. I'm merely asking you to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are threads on this subforum that are characteristic of the things you say they are. I've even remained polite--I've not insulted anyone, I've not badgered anyone, nor have I even been crude. So, what is it, exactly, that I need to be more polite about? Please note that asking questions and pointing out inconsistencies isn't being rude. 

And honestly, this isn't about anyone else. It isn't about "those ladies." It's about you. *I'm merely asking you to prove your assertions by posting examples. *

Oh yeah, and I caught the passive-aggressiveness regarding my age. Don't think that I didn't.


----------



## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

Boomerang said:


> .....
> 
> You can keep going on about how I have some lessons to learn and whatnot, but that isn't really important here. I've stayed neutral here; I've made no judgments on the ladies in this thread. I'm merely asking you to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are threads on this subforum that are characteristic of the things you say they are. I've even remained polite--I've not insulted anyone, I've not badgered anyone, nor have I even been crude. So, what is it, exactly, that I need to be more polite about? Please note that asking questions and pointing out inconsistencies isn't being rude.
> 
> ...


Young guy. Chip on shoulder. Not a debate forum section. Chasing wrong bone. End of. Is not sympathetic. Does not understand women. Simple. Ask me to prove "what" ??? Look, see, learn. READ. 

Added: If you cannot see the obvious. I do not want to fight you or be challenged by you. I know where this is going. I'm out.


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Bago said:


> Young guy. Chip on shoulder. Not a debate forum section. Chasing wrong bone. End of. Is not sympathetic. Does not understand women. Simple. Ask me to prove "what" ??? Look, see, learn. READ.
> 
> Added: If you cannot see the obvious. I do not want to fight you or be challenged by you. I know where this is going. I'm out.


You're making baseless judgments, and are refusing to provide any content to back up your claims. I'm really trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but your actions personally reflect the consensus on this thread: groundless accusations coupled with hypocritical sensitivities.


----------



## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Wow. I'm starting to wonder if my older cousin was right on all counts. It kind of seems like he was all along. Damn...


----------



## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

L said:


> Wow. I'm starting to wonder if my older cousin was right on all counts. It kind of seems like he was all along. Damn...


I wouldn't put much stock in this thread -- things got pretty out of hand.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

carlaviii said:


> I wouldn't put much stock in this thread -- things got pretty out of hand.


I dunno, I kind of see every single woman in this thread as 20 years old now. It helps to explain so much.


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## Gerty (Aug 31, 2013)

Purple Lemon said:


> You're the first person in this thread whose standards I live up to.
> Then I realized you're a man... :/
> I've come to the conclusion most women here are fairly judgmental
> (I mean that in the nicest way possible)


Lol! 
I think it's interesting to read through "turn-off" threads, even if I see that I am DOING IT ALL WRONG!!!=D

It can be research, yanno. If I read through a thread like this with females as the target and I noticed that all the males who were clever or appealing universally hated women who wore cotton underwear, maybe I'd go ahead and visit ol Vicky. Maybe not, though. I hate chafing.

If all the men ranted that lack of silicon boobage was a turnoff, though, I'd probably congratulate myself for retiring from dating, and read a good book, unmodified boobs and all


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## CharlieP (Sep 12, 2013)

Boomerang said:


> Oh, so men can't have turn-offs in other men?


You're beginning to bore me.


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

CharlieP said:


> OK, good.... here's the thing, there are times when men speak to men and women speak to women. I the latter case, it's polite and respectful to butt out.


I guess I can agree to that, but an open forum isn't a time or place where women speak to women.


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## CharlieP (Sep 12, 2013)

marked174 said:


> I guess I can agree to that, but an open forum isn't a time or place where women speak to women.


Understood. Look at it this way- you walk into a coffee shop, there are three ladies you know sitting at a table talking and when you approach they don't invite you to sit with them. Do you sit down anyway and butt into their conversation, or do you sit at the next table? I would do the latter and wait until I'm invited.


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

CharlieP said:


> Understood. Look at it this way- you walk into a coffee shop, there are three ladies you know sitting at a table talking and when you approach they don't invite you to sit with them. Do you sit down anyway and butt into their conversation, or do you sit at the next table? I would do the latter and wait until I'm invited.


But that's not an open forum. The internet is the coffee shop and this forum is the table. I have my very own seat with my name on it. See? @marked174... it's right there. Everyone here has a seat at the table.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

FallingSlowly said:


> That's why we had this thread a while ago:
> http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/158663-dating-older-women.html
> :kitteh:
> Just kidding...
> ...


Immature women my age. So pretty much, yes, it does bear some significance on my life. The ones that have their shit together are typically already taken or I'm just not good enough for.


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

Purple Lemon said:


> If nearly everything we do pisses someone off, that's their problem. we shouldn't change for them.
> The minute you change for someone else is the moment you lose yourself.
> So I am proud to be over emotional, non athletic, and with a high sex drive.
> Because that's me  even if I'm not the perfect man.


^
This!

I just want to add: I mentioned the word, "flaky" in my earlier post in this thread. What I should have said I instead was "unreliable" or "unable to be counted on when really needed". I hope that clarifies what I meant.




L said:


> I dunno, I kind of see every single woman in this thread as 20 years old now. It helps to explain so much.


Wow! Gee thanks!


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

Bago said:


> TreasureTower said:
> 
> 
> > Controlling behaviour, inability to empathize with others, superficiality, lack of self-awareness, refusal to admit weakness or vulnerability, shoving their "expert" opinions down your throat, hostility, self-centeredness, selfishness, aloofness, flakiness, interrogates or criticises you to death; close-mindedness, narcissism, rudeness, inability to appreciate art or culture, deficient sense of humour, unreliability, willful lack of intelligence; set in their ways, unwillingness to compromise.
> ...


I would greatly appreciate it if you did not use my words to criticize someone on this forum. I was not using those words lightly at all; I was thinking of very specific behaviours. 



Thank you in advance, for your cooperation. 

:happy:


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

TreasureTower said:


> I would greatly appreciate it if you did not use my words to criticize someone on this forum. I was not using those words lightly at all; I was thinking of very specific behaviours.
> 
> Thank you in advance, for your cooperation.
> 
> :happy:


My apologies. I myself was seeing these "behaviours" to denote some of the men that I have encountered in my life, and also some of the posters I see in this section of the subforum. Their behaviours are more or less exactly the same. It was a generalisation on my part. Part personal experience, and part forum instances which I have seen and come across but did not make it personal. But yes, it is very obvious to see that others seem to take it to their heart and be personal also on a one to one basis. 

I can see how some male members here have suddenly taken the context of the thread and changed it also, and well, so it goes... 
Sorry for quoting your post, cos I thought that it was a classic example of behaviours that I myself have come across too. It is quite ironic that.


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

marked174 said:


> But that's not an open forum. The internet is the coffee shop and this forum is the table. I have my very own seat with my name on it. See? @_marked174_... it's right there. Everyone here has a seat at the table.


I think you are missing the context here:
The coffee shop is the public space. The perc C forum is the public space. 
The tables in the coffee shop is the individual threads.

So far, in the coffee shop, there had been a group of men, and ladies, sitting around a table, bitching about the fundamentals of women. Like, their sizes, and so forth. Like, whether they are fat or not or whatever. Or, whether they are "good in bed" or not or what etc. Now....yes, you may say that, those who sat on that table was having a private conversation and that nobody should indeed butt in, but because some people have started to jump tables too, and then they realised that they were overheard and actually it sounded quite prejudicial towards women as a gender group, hence THIS started the argument that it was unfair to slate women. There had been several of this type of conversations and coffee tables before, cos now everyone in the coffee shop is aware that there is an "atmosphere" in the coffee shop. Why? Because of these gender slating threads. Some people forget that even when they are with their friends drinking coffee, in a shop, the shop is still a public social space as well, and why should they not be courteoous and not be polite and not say mean nasty things which shouldn't be said and taken out of context ? Don't they care about other people too ? Do they think that the room is their own home, or their own private space? The answer is "no". 

So for you to suddenly enter this coffee shop, NOT knowing what has happened. Did not even take the advice of other coffee drinkers and listen to what they are saying is happening around you, and suddenly picking and choosing one or two individuals and starting a fight. Well, you're making this more chaotic and running this down towards another route, aren't you? So why shouldn't others get mad at you for changing what they believed to be that atmosphere already created before? Yet. suddenly, those that were involved in those threads and were sitting in the original table, super!b1tching about things which a normal human doesn't. Well... then they shouldn't actually be quite surprised if there is a backlash against that socially. 

The backlash happened because there are normally other coffee drinkers who enters the coffee shop and doesn't superb!tch and creates an atmosphere. What will probably happen now is that those original people who read and heard these things will now back off. Something settles onto the ground, some people will stay away from the coffee shop. When they are ready and can act more maturely, then they will be back. Others, there will be a few others who were gender hateful people, will probably find one or two small tables to continually rant at their partners or the opposite sex. If nobody participate in those, then it will die out, cos it becomes boring. 

Cause and effect of what someone does. At the end of the day, it is a coffee shop, but still, it is a place where people do not have to overtly rude, mean, nasty, on any topic that they discuss, cos it is not necessary, which is true. But if you antagonise someone, do not expect that they too won't antagonise back, nor that they would gang up together and fight the wrongful things. That size zero thread is just that. Even though some others played it down and changed the direction of the thread itself. It is still a mean thread about women's weight. Which is absolutely atrocious.


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## Pride49 (Nov 7, 2011)

GinningPuma4011 said:


> Yes. Multiple times this has been a determining factor in deciding whether or not I'll keep seeing someone. Grown enough to have his own place and pay the bills, but doesn't care enough to tidy up the place a little bit when he knows company is coming over.
> 
> Bad hygiene. Gross. You know you have a girl coming over, but you don't shower. Then you want me to suck your dick and lick your balls. No. It's a different story when the guy's all hot and sweaty right after a workout or some other physical activity- that's actually a turn on
> 
> ...


I know how to talk to woman till she'll like me.
And I'm fat, ginger, and ugly
I'm just trying to find the one that doesn't give a shit about everything posted on this site. (Within reas.....)no, Find the one that is inherently evil, unstable as am I when my facade isn't running
People must realize the combined posts on this thread is the "Stereotype" of what most women expect. Unfortunately. I wash my hands of everyone.


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## Pride49 (Nov 7, 2011)

GinningPuma4011 said:


> Bingo.
> 
> Those men with a sense of entitlement can be broken down to another subtype: the "nice guy." Being nice doesn't automatically get you ass. FOH, douchebag. Then when he doesn't get what he wants, he'll start talking shit and say something about nice guys finishing last, as if it really applied to him. Whatthefuckever.
> 
> EDIT: actually, the "nice guy" goes under the first kind you described. My b.


The first guy' has a distinguishing lack of personality


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

TreasureTower said:


> Wow! Gee thanks!


lol! Ah, to be twenty again... (No thanks!)


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

I wish I was 20 again. My life sort of ended when I became 21 I guess really. I think that in and of itself is probably a turnoff.

This thread hasn't taught me anything I didn't already know, honestly, except for the virulent distaste many women seem to have for some subgroups that I just mildly dislike. 

I'll leave you all with an image I found that made me think of this thread.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

seriously snort laughed @Diphenhydramine


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

OMG WTF BRO said:


> seriously snort laughed @Diphenhydramine


 glad you liked it—I liked this one too.


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## Pride49 (Nov 7, 2011)

You're all harpy's and Lamia's!


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Laddish behaviour. 
Whining about their insecurities.
Having no ambition. 
Dishonesty.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Diphenhydramine said:


> I wish I was 20 again. My life sort of ended when I became 21 I guess really. I think that in and of itself is probably a turnoff.


Hopefully you'll get past whatever makes you feel like your life ended at 21! That is way too early to stop looking forward.
My life was pretty painful (some of it due to bad luck and part of it due to poor choices/unwillingness to ever do anything the easy way) up until I was ~25-30.
My 30s were absolutely great! 40s have not been bad either, so far!


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## FallingSlowly (Jul 1, 2013)

Same here: 20s absolute crap for various reasons (it _very_ gradually started to improve from 25 upwards, but it still took a few years to really pan out).
My 30s are amazing still, and I have no reason whatsoever not to look forward to my 40s. Apart from officially being an old hag, but hey, that must count for something, too 

If someone had told me that in my early/mid 20s though, I probably wouldn't have believed them either and also would have said my life ended at 20. So hopefully things will look a bit brighter at some point, @_Diphenhydramine_


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## countrygirl90 (Oct 11, 2012)

-Insecure guys who don't want girls to cheat on them while they cheat on them just to keep their options open.
-Guys who have habit of talking too much ,can defeat your aunts in gossiping department.
-Untidy and ill mannered guys .
-Smokers,drinkers or drug addicts .I strictly dislike those people who do any of these things in-front of me .
-Chauvinistic and arrogant men whose mind is similar to "frog of the well" .
-Show-off and Dumb guys ,who stay away from practicality or simplicity.
-Guys who like to get into unnecessary fights just to prove nothing, because they don't have brain in first place to comprehend and solve out problems without using muscle power.
-Who bully people weaker than them .
-Guys involved in illegal activities.
-Guys who don't show respect to women or elderly people.


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