# My boyfriend's dog hates me, I'm afraid of it.



## ujellyfish (Apr 15, 2011)

Alrighty, so my boyfriend lives in a house with a shit ton of people and one of them (I have no idea who) got a puppy from the pound or something recently. This dog has a problem with women in general, and growls (I mean serious growling, eyes locked on me and can't be distracted by anything) every time I walk in the same room as it. Being afraid of dogs in general myself, this makes me pretty scared, and while I don't physically freak out (I generally just get out of the room as soon as possible) that seems to teach the dog that there's a valid reason to hate me. (Dog logic: If she wasn't breaking into the house why would she be scared of me?) 
The dog's still kind of a puppy right now, so it's not too scary, but I have a feeling that I should get friendly with him pretty soon before he grows into a dog who, as he is not trained well, I could see hurting me.


So, bottom line is, how do I get acquainted with a dog I'm afraid of who seriously has never stopped growling at me without getting bit?


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## ShadowComet (Aug 14, 2011)

amplexicaule said:


> Alrighty, so my boyfriend lives in a house with a shit ton of people and one of them (I have no idea who) got a puppy from the pound or something recently. This dog has a problem with women in general, and growls (I mean serious growling, eyes locked on me and can't be distracted by anything) every time I walk in the same room as it. Being afraid of dogs in general myself, this makes me pretty scared, and while I don't physically freak out (I generally just get out of the room as soon as possible) that seems to teach the dog that there's a valid reason to hate me. (Dog logic: If she wasn't breaking into the house why would she be scared of me?)
> The dog's still kind of a puppy right now, so it's not too scary, but I have a feeling that I should get friendly with him pretty soon before he grows into a dog who, as he is not trained well, I could see hurting me.
> 
> 
> So, bottom line is, how do I get acquainted with a dog I'm afraid of who seriously has never stopped growling at me without getting bit?


Ever hear of the humane society? Or of Animal Control? These would be your last resort of course, but just keep them in mind.

now, list time!!

1) Find a dog toy, one it already has preferably, and preferably a tug rope. Get it to bite one end, and you bite the other end. As it growls, you growl back. Also note, if the dog is wagging it's tail, you're likely safe. Playing with the dog will let it get use to you being there, and tell it not to worry about you.

2) FETCH! (basically the second toy type)

3) "No need to be like that!" Smile and pick it up and pet it, and when it growls "Ooh, scary!" and still smile. If it tries to bite at you, hand around its mouth, keep it shut, but don't do more than that and say "No!" this would be the first instance you give it an angry face. Remember, if it tries to run, give chase, catch it, but treat it well. Your goal is to teach it something of proper behaviour, even if the proper owner will not.

4) If you are holding it, do not drop it, do not squeeze it. if it struggles, hold on to it, remember that dropping it is bad. so if you are unsure, nearby couch always helps.

Anyway, is what I can help you with, good luck!!


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## dizzygirl (Dec 19, 2009)

@amplexicaule Dogs can sense fear. Actually they can smell any of your emotions for that matter and thus make for such good companions. The puppy must not have had a good past maybe that's why it gets defensive, scared and protective of itself.
It thinks it might get hit by you.
What breed is it?

I think you should start by trying to pet it. Concentrate on it with love and just walk ahead confidently and pet it. Some dogs take a lot of time before they let you pet them...but this one is still a puppy so you have a very good chance of getting through faster. Go with a toy too preferably. Bond with the pup. Dogs are lovely and wouldn't hurt you without a cause.
And just so that you are prepared for the worst, a puppy's bite isn't really as bad as a dog's or even a cat's for that matter.
Trust it and let it trust you.
Give it a shot and start by trying to pet it. Don't hesitate in your actions and like @ShadowComet mentioned, smile. Be happy and positive and shove your fears back coz the dog will absorb what you feel 
i hope this helps!


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

I totally disagree with people saying that you should walk right up while it's seething and pet it. If he really does think you'll harm him, you'll get bit so fast you won't know what bit you. And unless it was just weaned or it was a little Maltese, they can easily do some damage.

Actually, it may be good to know - what is the breed? Temperaments vary wildly.

I have a Chow Chow - they can be very guarded, protective and unfriendly to strangers. And strong-willed. An ex boyfriend of mine got bitten, because just like with you, he didn't like him. 

My dog (Grinch) gave him all the warnings - growling, staring, fur raised (which, for a Chow Chow, is quite a disturbing sight), and baring teeth.

My boyfriend tried to ignore all that ("OMG look at his fur spiked out he looks SO FLUFFY") and fearlessly walked up to Grinch to pet him, and...my bf ended up having to go to the ER. I warned him.

Grinch tends to either be aloof to strangers, or in some cases, territorial and suspicious. But I tell them to just ignore him and just don't go near him. Eventually, Grinch realizes that the person is not a threat and comes around. Then I can safely introduce them, and then Grinch tolerates them.

You probably have a similar scent/appearance/posture as whomever wronged the dog.

So unless you want to look like your avatar, don't foist yourself. Ask your boyfriend to formally introduce you, and then you can offer him a treat and let him sniff you, and make his acquaintance.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

My parents had a yard with two obnoxious asshole rottweilers who would intimidate people or jump on them.. well it didn't scare me but mostly pissed me off and they could sense that. I ended up being the only one they respected because they knew I wouldn't hesitate to pop them in the mouth. I am not advocating animal abuse, but if the animals abusing you then it needs to know its place. I can not fucking stand when people have a dog that they allow to be nasty with someone. The people who own it need to discipline it. Unlike most domestic pets, a dog can actually harm or even kill a human being, so more attention needs to be given by the owners to making it behave. But yeah, the thing about fear is true, and if you show you're dominant they will respect you. With the rottweilers, all I had to do was raise my hand and say -down- and they wouldn't dare jump on me like they would everyone else.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Here is my take on the situation. Go in, be seated. When the dog approaches you, lower your hand below and in front of the dog's face, and allow it to come to you. DO NOT reach over the dogs head as that is seen by dogs as an attempt to dominate the dog. Let the dog smell the back of your hand. Give him time, and be still. Then, assuming the dog has gotten his sniff of you, he should be a bit more at ease. When the dog loosens up, then retrieve from your purse a doggie treat (preferably of the type he is used to, as if you give him the wrong kind he may not eat it). That should convince the dog that you are a good 'un. 
Good luck. 
Digger Blue


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Learn to be dominant. Dogs understand domination and confidence, they're hierchy pack animals, it's as simple as that.

The more you act afraid of a dog, the more likely it is to bite you.


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## pepperpotts (Aug 2, 2011)

It depends on the type/breed and the temperament of the dog; usually one can form bonding by frequently feeding and spending time with the dog. First step is of course not to be scared of the dog and genuinely like the dog. Setting aside time each day to pet/play with the puppy now most likely will enable you to train him once he grows old. Talk to the dog; use different tone levels to praise/correct his behavior. Dog muzzle can assist if the dog is likely to bite, however, since he is still a puppy, it might not be necessary.You can just train him that biting isn't an acceptable behavior-give him a toy/food treat for example. It might take some time for the dog to adjust though.


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## Enormous Hatred (Jul 29, 2011)

Figure out whose dog it actually is (if not your boyfriend) and ask them if they can help you bond with it. Sometimes a guiding hand from the owner helps. For example, my mom's dog has a sort of uneven temperament, and will growl and pace around nervously with new people. But after she tells him no and sort of guides him into accepting petting or treats from the person, he stops the bad behavior.

If it becomes a bigger problem though, or doesn't get better, don't be afraid to speak up. Sometimes bad owners need a kick in the ass. I know it came from the pound and probably had that issue before, but it's still the responsibility of whoever picked up the dog to train it properly.


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## dizzygirl (Dec 19, 2009)

contrary to what dagnytaggart understood i said, i am repeating myself when i say take your time in approaching the dog. Petting isn't a one minute affair. :| 
Trust is necessary and not all dogs will respond well to dominance.
Ceser Millan isn't the only type of dog whisperer one should follow!! 
Just follow your heart...and if you are too scared and don't want to face the pup(which doesnt seem like it since you posted here and seems like you want to try) you could stop going over to his place much!


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## ujellyfish (Apr 15, 2011)

Thanks for all your advice! As an update, today I went to his house again and when I walked past the living room the dog didn't so much as flinch. He was just kind of chillin' on the couch. I even waved at him from across the room and he did nothing. I think it might have been a matter of different hats. I mostly own hats with ears, and it wouldn't be the first time a dog had seemingly mistaken me for another dog when wearing those hats. So I think tomorrow when some people he likes are home I'm going to sit in the living room a bit wearing a different hat or no hat at all and see if I can get him to sniff my hand.

@dagnytaggart I'm pretty short and wear a size two so the mental image of someone of my stature trying to beat up a dog like him is kind of funny actually. He's a big puppy, I think I forgot to mention.


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## dizzygirl (Dec 19, 2009)

yay for you! ~_~
You missed mentioning a vital point there what with the eared hats...:tongue:


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## ShadowComet (Aug 14, 2011)

dagnytaggart said:


> I totally disagree with people saying that you should walk right up while it's seething and pet it. If he really does think you'll harm him, you'll get bit so fast you won't know what bit you. And unless it was just weaned or it was a little Maltese, they can easily do some damage.
> 
> Actually, it may be good to know - what is the breed? Temperaments vary wildly.
> 
> ...


Sadly, this tells me you raised it incorrectly. If your dog has a bad temperament, and you see it, to me, that means you should have been after it long before your boyfriend got to even thinking of trying to pet it. Of course, this leads me back to when I got bit by a dog.

I was delivering ad bags (collection of coupons and sale fliers) when the dog had got off its leash, ran strait up to me and bit onto my arm and started fighting me. The dog didn't let go when its owner came out to call it back. I had to kill the dog to get it to let go. not more than 3 seconds later, I beat the shit out of the owner and sent him to the hospital because I had to kill his dog, cause the guy didn't raise it properly.

Now, some people will go and say "Oh it was a hunting dog." to which my response is, I know someone who breeds a hunting dog species, and even the ones that this person ends up with that have bad temperament, will never bite a person, cause he taught them all that it is wrong. Totally wrong.

Moral of the story: Properly raise your animals. Period. Cause if I have to do anything to your dog, I'm coming after you next.

EDIT: And one more thing; Dogs go by smell first, hearing second, and eyes last. They don't get confused between people, that is solely a human trait. As for the smelling of fear, that is only due to a pheromone released when feeling fear. Now, dogs will go by the pheromone first, then test. If you basically run away, or avoid them, then it confirms it to them, after all, we are also the only creature on this planet that has the potential to do incredibly stupid things when afraid, and all animals know this.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

ShadowComet said:


> Sadly, this tells me you raised it incorrectly. If your dog has a bad temperament, and you see it, to me, that means you should have been after it long before your boyfriend got to even thinking of trying to pet it. Of course, this leads me back to when I got bit by a dog.
> 
> I was delivering ad bags (collection of coupons and sale fliers) when the dog had got off its leash, ran strait up to me and bit onto my arm and started fighting me. The dog didn't let go when its owner came out to call it back. I had to kill the dog to get it to let go. not more than 3 seconds later, I beat the shit out of the owner and sent him to the hospital because I had to kill his dog, cause the guy didn't raise it properly.
> 
> ...


My dog has come a long way. I got custody of him two years ago. Prior to me, Grinch had horribly abusive/neglectful owners. From what I heard, the owner mistreated him, and allowed people who walked in to mistreat the dog as well. I was told that they even took turns shooting around the dog with a BB gun for laughs. 

Happily, the owner got busted for drug dealing and is hopefully locked up still, but the dog was shuffled around, and finally an acquaintance of mine had the dog, and was going to give it up for adoption, but he was found unsuitable and would've been put down for sure had she given it to the ASPCA.

Anyway, the dog liked me for some reason, so my Fi came over me and I asked to keep him. :x

Needless to say, I have to really work on his behavior and on consistently but *gently* socializing him first to humans - he is very animal aggressive though, so that's more of a challenge, but he's getting much better around people. It just doesn't happen overnight. When people do something stupid in my house, like jump off the arm of the sofa and startle him, he does seem to regress. >< So I try to get people to do their part to make him comfortable (I mean, they're in MY house, geez). I've even renamed him so as to erase any association he has with his past life. (Plus, he had an obscene name, which I refuse to call him.)

He's gone from actually running up to people and lunging/snapping at them to just being cautious and then warming up - now, one of my best friends is close enough to Grinch that he can braid his fluffy tail with no consequence, although Grinch does grumble and whine about it. :laughing:

Another thing is that Chow Chows are generally one-person dogs and protective ones at that, so while they shouldn't be aggressive to people, they're not designed to be ENFJish golden retrievers. :laughing:


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## ShadowComet (Aug 14, 2011)

dagnytaggart said:


> My dog has come a long way. I got custody of him two years ago. Prior to me, Grinch had horribly abusive/neglectful owners. From what I heard, the owner mistreated him, and allowed people who walked in to mistreat the dog as well. I was told that they even took turns shooting around the dog with a BB gun for laughs.
> 
> Happily, the owner got busted for drug dealing and is hopefully locked up still, but the dog was shuffled around, and finally an acquaintance of mine had the dog, and was going to give it up for adoption, but he was found unsuitable and would've been put down for sure had she given it to the ASPCA.
> 
> ...


Yeah, it is that slow when dealing with a hand-me-down animal. But again, that just means instead of you, I'd go after the first idiot that owned the dog, and give that person a good piece of my mind. anyway, good luck with your inherited dog, and to OP, good luck with your Boyfriends dog.


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## Kylar (Nov 8, 2011)

amplexicaule said:


> Alrighty, so my boyfriend lives in a house with a shit ton of people and one of them (I have no idea who) got a puppy from the pound or something recently. This dog has a problem with women in general, and growls (I mean serious growling, eyes locked on me and can't be distracted by anything) every time I walk in the same room as it. Being afraid of dogs in general myself, this makes me pretty scared, and while I don't physically freak out (I generally just get out of the room as soon as possible) that seems to teach the dog that there's a valid reason to hate me. (Dog logic: If she wasn't breaking into the house why would she be scared of me?)
> The dog's still kind of a puppy right now, so it's not too scary, but I have a feeling that I should get friendly with him pretty soon before he grows into a dog who, as he is not trained well, I could see hurting me.
> 
> 
> So, bottom line is, how do I get acquainted with a dog I'm afraid of who seriously has never stopped growling at me without getting bit?


One thing: beef jerky
I am NOT kidding my dad is a land agent. He meets dogs every day. Juicy meat, bring it from your house, feed said dog. Said Dog LOVE YOU.

Dog's are simple beings. If this doesn't work, sorry.


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## Luke (Oct 17, 2010)

Kylar said:


> One thing: beef jerky
> I am NOT kidding my dad is a land agent. He meets dogs every day. Juicy meat, bring it from your house, feed said dog. Said Dog LOVE YOU.
> 
> Dog's are simple beings. If this doesn't work, sorry.


I agree, the way to a dog's heart is through food. The good thing about food is that you can throw it to it from a distance. It's good that you don't try and get close to it while it is behaving aggressively towards you, it might actually bite you. I think your boyfriend has to play a big role in this, he has to teach the dog that you're part of his posse and not to mess with you :laughing:


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Oh yeah, about the food, once you give it to the dog, get back and give it plenty of space. My dog is really weird about that - he's fine until the second you set down the food bowl, then he starts growling immediately. It's like...geez...give me 2 seconds to leave. Sheesh. 

So yes, I second the "throw Slim Jims at him" idea.


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## lib (Sep 18, 2010)

Cook a dinner out of the dog. That way the dog has proven itself useful! You can find Chinese, Korean, or Vietnamese recipes on the internet.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

lib said:


> Cook a dinner out of the dog. That way the dog has proven itself useful! You can find Chinese, Korean, or Vietnamese recipes on the internet.


If she doesn't become the dog's dinner first, that is.


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