# Starting to seriously regret developing myself and neglecting my hero function in the process...



## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

Te has nothing to do specifically with "serving the tribe", cooperating with others, giving orders, communicating and etc.



> It's gotten to the point where I'd honestly rather I didn't mature at all.


The good news is that you shouldn't worry about that. All that you wrote is just Fi, not Te.


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## TheUnnecessaryEvil (Mar 28, 2021)

JimT said:


> @TheUnnecessaryEvil
> 
> By the way, another avenue for more effective communication skills: Books on assertiveness. With assertiveness, you acknowledge others and their side of the story, but you also give equal weight to your own side of the story and make sure that it is clearly heard as well.
> 
> Assertiveness would mix in a bit more Fe, as opposed to a book on management skills which is more about "handling" people using tried-and-true formulas (in other words, more about raw Te).


You seem to have this mentality where barking at people makes them do what you need them to do.

That's why it pisses me off some when people try to see Fe in me. I don't care if people are my friends.. I just happen to know that exerting your will bluntly is moreso a recipe for disorder than anything else.

Your officers had the luxury of being able to beat the snot out of recruits until they listened. I don't have that.. hence me being gentle.


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## TheUnnecessaryEvil (Mar 28, 2021)

Ohndot said:


> OP sucks.


No u


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## JimT (May 31, 2010)

TheUnnecessaryEvil said:


> You seem to have this mentality where barking at people makes them do what you need them to do.
> 
> That's why it pisses me off some when people try to see Fe in me. I don't care if people are my friends.. I just happen to know that exerting your will bluntly is moreso a recipe for disorder than anything else.
> 
> Your officers had the luxury of being able to beat the snot out of recruits until they listened. I don't have that.. hence me being gentle.


No. Try to pay attention. Try to actually read my posts.

I already explained: When I brought up the "barking orders" example, I was just drawing a contrast for you. You were complaining that you couldn't see how to separate out Te from Fe, so I drew a clear contrast for you: _When taken to extremes_, Fe is "Handling people with kid gloves," (IOW, coddling snowflakes), whereas _when taken to extremes_ Te becomes barking orders at people Marine Corps style.

So please quit fixating on the "barking orders" example. Again, I was simply making a point to draw a contrast. You asked me to clarify the difference between Te and Fe, so I drew that contrast for you.

As for your problem: I already gave you the proper solution to your problem. AND IT DOESN'T INVOLVE BARKING ORDERS AT PEOPLE. You just need to start reading up on management skills. Those will teach you how to lead and manage in workplace settings without having to rely on bad Fe. Also I also said that you can study up on Assertiveness techniques.

To spell it out in more detail: You mentioned in the OP that this was a workplace issue--you said it involved dealing with coworkers. So the answer is management techniques. Rather than using bad Fe in your daily workplace issues (with the resulting feeling that you're "cucking" yourself trying to get along with people), just go to Amazon, hunt down a top-rated management manual or two, and read a couple pages over coffee each morning. You'll be surprised at how much of management can be boiled down to neat little formulas. And if anyone questions your decisions and actions, you can quote them chapter and verse from the manual.

You can also use some of that stuff in socializing and people management in general. It's good to know. Very interesting stuff.

Go to Amazon, look up "Management" in the books section, and start ordering books like mad. The book "The First-Time Manager" is well-rated. "Managing for Dummies" is probably also a good place to start for beginners.

Management books will teach you Te. You need to stop using your inept Fe, where you try to buy loyalty and compliance from coworkers with "gentleness" and coddling. That will just get you into trouble. You'll be a doormat and become a target for any troublemaker or anyone who wants to stir shit. Te is what you need in order to survive in the workplace. So quit running from your Te. Just sit down and learn it.

Also, insist that your company schedule you for some leadership courses. Frankly, this is pretty basic stuff. If you haven't been trained on how to handle this stuff, then your company is remiss.

Again, talk to your boss or HR about additional training.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

JimT said:


> No. Try to pay attention. Try to actually read my posts.
> 
> I already explained: When I brought up the "barking orders" example, I was just drawing a contrast for you. You were complaining that you couldn't see how to separate out Te from Fe, so I drew a clear contrast for you: _When taken to extremes_, Fe is "Handling people with kid gloves," (IOW, coddling snowflakes), whereas _when taken to extremes_ Te becomes barking orders at people Marine Corps style.
> 
> ...


While this is good stuff, one cautionary. Different companies and industries may have different climates. This needs to be factored into what the OP might learn from courses and books.


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## JimT (May 31, 2010)

mia-me said:


> While this is good stuff, one cautionary. Different companies and industries may have different climates. This needs to be factored into what the OP might learn from courses and books.


Sure. There are lots of different management settings and styles. Any good management book will account for that and show you how to tailor your style to your setting.


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## TheUnnecessaryEvil (Mar 28, 2021)

Deuce said:


> @TheUnnecessaryEvil.
> By the way, how confident are you that you are an INFP ? I've never met an INFP who used the sexualized curse language you use. Nor the indication of violence. That's a very intense Se approach in my understanding and INFPs have Se as a blindspot (meaning the function that feels the most alien to use, if they use it at all).
> 
> Idk, maybe that's a gender and cultural difference, most of the INFPs I know are french girls. Or maybe that's an enneagram thing. That an INFP could forced himself or herself to use this langage to affirm their strenght if they feel completely disempowered by their job or another factor could maybe also make sense. I'm pretty sure I've done it a few times. It still makes me curious, though.


Either I'm an INFP or I'm an ISFP who's been looping for the past decade or so. That would explain why the physical world terrifies me now whereas it didn't before, but looping for THAT long? Is that even possible?


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## Fru2 (Aug 21, 2018)

TheUnnecessaryEvil said:


> Either I'm an INFP or I'm an ISFP who's been looping for the past decade or so. That would explain why the physical world terrifies me now whereas it didn't before, but looping for THAT long? Is that even possible?


Check this website out - you might find out that you just need to develop your auxiliary function more in order to balance you.


https://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFP_per.html


If this doesn't fit your situation, try to sift through other profiles and see which fits. Luckily for you, you might be in a perfect situation to spot what you should work on(if you so wish).


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## Deuce (Feb 16, 2021)

TheUnnecessaryEvil said:


> Either I'm an INFP or I'm an ISFP who's been looping for the past decade or so. That would explain why the physical world terrifies me now whereas it didn't before, but looping for THAT long? Is that even possible?


I think it does but only if your life circumstances are unchanged and bad during this time, particularly the trigger w/ INFPs seem to be either being stuck in a terrible conflicting relationship, completely isolated, or being forced to behave in a manner opposite to their principles (because of again, a relationship but I guess it could be a job, too).
For what you said in your first post, I thought afterwards of the theory about how it is unhealthy to stretch a dominant function (meaning with Fi, adopting more and more values you then feel obliged to abide to consistenly - contrary to a Fe user which would adjust their behavior to the context and not to this sense of self-obligation) which would lead to a sort of boomerang effect of the inferior function (Te) erupting under the form of bursts of anger for example. Could that possibly be your case ?
I thought of that because of what you said about feeling obliged. I think I had a similar experience. Had to adopt a lot of values to try to adapt myself to a Fe-user environment (I became uncompromising about loyalty, never breaching a promise, reciprocating everything, etc.) And it led me to become extremely resentful of how I had changed from the person I was before.
But actually, I think it part of the journey for every INFP - alternating between selfishness and overextending oneself - and to reach just the right balance.


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