# How the hell do people talk with strangers from dating/meeting sites?



## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

I don't particularly understand how people can hold conversations...Do I just not know what to talk about? Am I just not interesting? Or does everyone have this problem. Half the time I don't really get any responses with any sort of substance. What are some questions I can ask to fix this?


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## UniversalIndividual (Nov 16, 2020)

This is what I know from trying to attract people from dating sites. You putting a sexy profile picture on your dating website account will attract a lot more people. Behaving nicely will make more people want to talk to you by not bragging, not acting like you're better than everyone else, not blatantly lying, and not being intense will attract people to you. Acting cool gets people's attraction. Dumbing down your words reasonably will make people like you instead of them being distracted by a lot of fancy words that they don't understand. People usually like other people who have a sense of humour. Having the ability to hold a conversation by not taking too long to respond and saying the right words to have someone keep talking to you are part of the social skill that the people learn as they get older. When a person acts genuinely humble around other people, they're more likely to have people make conversations with them.

People are usually interested in talking about books, music, foods, drinks, movies, sports, television shows, social media platforms, popular businesses, popular celebrities, popular politicians, popular wars such as World War 2, popular countries, holidays, family, friends, and other things.


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## Rift (Mar 12, 2012)

online dating sites is much like advertising.. you've got about eight seconds to capture people's attention before they tune out -- unless that is you're advertising for something they especially want right now.

Now some of this can be circumvented based upon your locality.. which basically if you're in a big city or rural community, there's a greater likelihood you'll get a response than if you're in a small town. which largely has to do with population numbers both being at the higher end and the lower end; more options or less options rather than being somewhere in the middle. . . or put more bluntly, there's more sluts in the city and rural communities than in the suburbs.

Now the greater reality is you might not be cut out for dating sites. No shame in that. A lot of people aren't. so, instead you might look for singles events or activity clubs, speed dating (some will have classes to help you present your best self before the event) or possibly working with a more formal matchmaker.. in those cases you might find the resources, support and real time skill development while also having it more suited to your needs and interests than the free for all dating sites can be.


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## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

UniversalIndividual said:


> This is what I know from trying to attract people from dating sites. You putting a sexy profile picture on your dating website account will attract a lot more people. Behaving nicely will make more people want to talk to you by not bragging, not acting like you're better than everyone else, not blatantly lying, and not being intense will attract people to you. Acting cool gets people's attraction. Dumbing down your words reasonably will make people like you instead of them being distracted by a lot of fancy words that they don't understand. People usually like other people who have a sense of humour. Having the ability to hold a conversation by not taking too long to respond and saying the right words to have someone keep talking to you are part of the social skill that the people learn as they get older. When a person acts genuinely humble around other people, they're more likely to have people make conversations with them.
> 
> People are usually interested in talking about books, music, foods, drinks, movies, sports, television shows, social media platforms, popular businesses, popular celebrities, popular politicians, popular wars such as World War 2, popular countries, holidays, family, friends, and other things.


I ask them those sorts of questions but they rarely give any substantive answers...maybe girls on these sites don't actually care really. I've made only two actual friends from these sites tbh...


Rift said:


> online dating sites is much like advertising.. you've got about eight seconds to capture people's attention before they tune out -- unless that is you're advertising for something they especially want right now.
> 
> Now some of this can be circumvented based upon your locality.. which basically if you're in a big city or rural community, there's a greater likelihood you'll get a response than if you're in a small town. which largely has to do with population numbers both being at the higher end and the lower end; more options or less options rather than being somewhere in the middle. . . or put more bluntly, there's more sluts in the city and rural communities than in the suburbs.
> 
> Now the greater reality is you might not be cut out for dating sites. No shame in that. A lot of people aren't. so, instead you might look for singles events or activity clubs, speed dating (some will have classes to help you present your best self before the event) or possibly working with a more formal matchmaker.. in those cases you might find the resources, support and real time skill development while also having it more suited to your needs and interests than the free for all dating sites can be.


Yes, this is true. In terms of looks, I'm literally nothing special...but I am an American living in a provincial city in the middle of Sibera so I would assume that would interest quite a few people...as far as singles events, I don't know of any that exist here...


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## Six (Oct 14, 2019)

Dr Whoresy said:


> I ask them those sorts of questions but they rarely give any substantive answers...maybe girls on these sites don't actually care really. I've made only two actual friends from these sites tbh...
> 
> Yes, this is true. In terms of looks, I'm literally nothing special...but I am an American living in a provincial city in the middle of Sibera so I would assume that would interest quite a few people...as far as singles events, I don't know of any that exist here...


You live in siberia?


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## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

Six said:


> You live in siberia?


Yep


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## Six (Oct 14, 2019)

Dr Whoresy said:


> Yep


That is interesting!


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## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

Six said:


> That is interesting!


And it interests people here a ton. They always wonder why the hell an American is living in the ass of the world haha.


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## Rift (Mar 12, 2012)

Dr Whoresy said:


> Yes, this is true. In terms of looks, I'm literally nothing special...but I am an American living in a provincial city in the middle of Sibera so I would assume that would interest quite a few people...as far as singles events, I don't know of any that exist here...


you might need to lay out your long term plans in writing and your exact intentions. 

such as

are you marriage minded or are you looking for something more temporary? do you plan on settling there or returning to the states? your beliefs, politics, portfolio, etc.


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## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

Rift said:


> you might need to lay out your long term plans in writing and your exact intentions.
> 
> such as
> 
> are you marriage minded or are you looking for something more temporary? do you plan on settling there or returning to the states? your beliefs, politics, portfolio, etc.


I want to get married and have kids one day. I'd more than likely return to the States but it most certainly depends on the situation...impossible to say right now if I'd leave or stay.


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## Rift (Mar 12, 2012)

Dr Whoresy said:


> I want to get married and have kids one day. I'd more than likely return to the States but it most certainly depends on the situation...impossible to say right now if I'd leave or stay.


well, you might have more options attending larger festivals and events or lurking around universities - you could be a douche and say you'll tutor someone in english, if they'll tutor you in wuv... but overall, if you're relationship hunting you're likely going to need a powerpoint plan about why you're deserving of a siberian bride and whether you'll have enough frequent flyer miles to cover regular visits back to her family, how well she'll be able to integrate into the states or what you'll be bringing to the family should you stay as well as likely setting up a closer approximation than one day.


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## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

Rift said:


> well, you might have more options attending larger festivals and events or lurking around universities - you could be a douche and say you'll tutor someone in english, if they'll tutor you in wuv... but overall, if you're relationship hunting you're likely going to need a powerpoint plan about why you're deserving of a siberian bride and whether you'll have enough frequent flyer miles to cover regular visits back to her family, how well she'll be able to integrate into the states or what you'll be bringing to the family should you stay as well as likely setting up a closer approximation than one day.


I'm awful at making powerpoints...damn.

In terms of bringing stuff to the family, I make more than enough money to support a family lol.


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## Rift (Mar 12, 2012)

Dr Whoresy said:


> I'm awful at making powerpoints...damn.
> 
> In terms of bringing stuff to the family, I make more than enough money to support a family lol.


my russian sucks and translators aren't much help but they have some advice that might be applicable even if you might have trouble finding something near you. but perhaps it will help with the sites you use?





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you know, checking into some of the personals out there.. it seems like you might have an easier time if you're into milfs.


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## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

Rift said:


> my russian sucks and translators aren't much help but they have some advice that might be applicable even if you might have trouble finding something near you. but perhaps it will help with the sites you use?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'll check out that first site. Also, unfortunately I am not into MILFs lmao. Luckily, my Russian is decent enough


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## Six (Oct 14, 2019)

Dr Whoresy said:


> I'll check out that first site. Also, unfortunately I am not into MILFs lmao. Luckily, my Russian is decent enough


I have a suspicion girls don't like feeling like they're the most important thing in your life - a dating site somewhat screws with that aspect of it because there is obviously no other reason for you to speak to her except for "DTF" or some ol_'sneaky_ _hey maaaan i jus' wanna speak t'ya about black and white slow exposure photography maaaaaaaaaaaan -_

It's just disgusting.

Situation's got to be such that it's possible for you to:

A. Obviously be there for a reason which isn't her.
B. Allows her to assess you distantly without being harassed by the feel of your attention - I don't know if you've ever been to somewhere where people start approaching you in the street and start trying to drag you into their shops to sell you things?

It's awful - and your feeling is FUCK OFF if you'd just let me browse I might buy something however to have you pushing things onto me is just making me want to run the other way.






And then once she's had enough time to assess your approach should be abrupt - so there isn't enough time to um and ah and importantly also it should be something you want to do.

"You wanna get a beer? I want a beer." - You should already be walking to where you're planning to go and if she says "no" or any variation thereof ambiguously just say "Alright".

Don't even give her the chance to think about what it was, she's had an opportunity and now it's already done - and if she is at all interested she will stew on it and you are in the driving seat at that point because she'll have to come to you if she fancies that beer some other time - and work from there, and importantly: You assess her - she's had her time to figure it out - yours is only starting.

None of this helps you as far as dating sites other than to say: I don't use them.


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## NipNip (Apr 16, 2015)

Well, you get to know them... It's not that difficult or weird.
Just realize 5/10 won't work for shit. 4/10 will seem a bit forced but tolerable. 1/10 might be a hit of some sort.


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

Dr Whoresy said:


> I ask them those sorts of questions but they rarely give any substantive answers...maybe girls on these sites don't actually care really. I've made only two actual friends from these sites tbh...


good for you for making friends. truthfully, some people are just boring or preoccupied with other things (I also think women tend to "benefit" from being expected to be somewhat passive in this regard & expect to be approached repeatedly...), and I've also ran into super embarrassing (immature? inexperienced?) people who would point out how the flow of the convo is running out, "uhhh we should change the subject haha", but never brought up one themselves...
when i notice I'm starting to sound more like an interviewer who is getting lame-ass answers, it's a good idea to stop wasting my time. I think out of my matches only 3 or 4 were truly interesting to me (the fact that I prefer for the other person to be direct and take the initiative but not be too domineering definitely narrowed it down).


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## Dr Whoresy (Nov 7, 2018)

I also end up just deleting the conversation and not responding instead of wasting my time. I have a ton of friends, I don't necessarily need more, especially ones that aren't interesting to talk with.


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## Ecchi (Jun 26, 2018)

I wouldn't use a dating site. I want to meet people that I already know are interested in the same things as I am.

I would hit up people on here or any forum where I share an interest with someone.


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## Dreamcatcherplaceboeffect (Dec 24, 2020)

That’s frustrating. If the conversation always feels one sided, or if someone is not able to generate good feedback, then that is probably not someone you want to talk to.

I really hate to say this, but women are so used to being bombarded with messages that a lot of them get used to not having to be good conversationalists in order to get dates. (I’m actually using an app right now to make female friends, and encountering the exact same problem.) Sometimes I don’t know if they’re not very good at making conversation or if they are just not that interested in talking to _me_.

Anyway, to me, a good first message on a dating site would be a short paragraph, with one or two questions concerning something you saw on their profile. If they are unable to answer and reciprocate after a few messages have been exchanged, that is probably not someone who is going to be particularly fun to meet up with, especially if you are someone who enjoys conversing!

Do you feel that these women just don’t know how to make conversation or do you sense that you are being sent down conversational “dead ends”—a brief, thoughtless reply of someone who isn’t particularly interested but feels they need to get back to all the messages in their inbox?


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