# Girlfriend chatting with ex-boyfriend?



## Tobeornottobe (Dec 9, 2013)

Hi,

I would like to get some ideas what should I do, and am I just imagining things or not.

Me (24) and my girlfriend (21) have been a year together. 

One night I was at her place at my laptop. We share her internet via her phone since my phone
broke and I can't into any internet of my own. So, internet connection 
got off, and I went to put that connection back on. So I had to get to her phone. Her phone had a new 
message, which was from her ex-boyfriend. These are those phones that
show some of the message in the front. The message was from her 
ex-boyfriend, and it said "Meaningfully?" 

I fought against the urge to read the entire message, and left the phone to there.

Still, I felt like I need to ask about this or I can't get any peace of mind. 

I asked her whom have you been texting to. She the told name of her female friend. I explained
what I saw. 

She explained that message was about she thought she thought
it was odd that why her ex-boyfriend would contact her.

Later at the conversation, I heard her tell that she has been talking
to him two days earlier than she originally said.

I caught her few times more in a lie. She told that it was a message from her
another friend, and that she 

Regardless of these red flags, I forgot about it all and continued everything normally.

Three days later, she was on computer, telling me to check how cool apartment
she found. It was in another city. Bit of worried, I asked her why is she checking
apartments from another city. Her ex-boyfriend happens to live in that very specific city.

She explained that she was just checking for fun, and told that she don't have any plans
of moving in a year or two. At the later part of conversation, she
ended asking that what I would do if she moved. I continued my life normally. 

When I come near to her while she is texting, she is attempting
to hide her phone screen from my view. I do understand this behaviour,
because I like similar privacy with myself. 

We were having a picnic at New Year's Eve. We had a great time, until I see her texting to him again.

When I asked about "Why are you talking with him?"

"He wished me Happy New Year." She said. "I can tell to him that I won't be talking to him no more. Do you want to see the message?" she continued.

I'm silent, while she texts with her phone. Or does something, I don't even know.

I asked her to show that message. She told that she deleted his phone number and therefore all
messages were destroyed, so she couldn't show that.

I'm not the kind of guy that would usually ask anything like this. I respect privacy, but
I could not leave this thing meddling with my mind for longer.

She didn't straightly deny anything, nor did she admit anything. I'm baffled, that are my suspicions really true (that is she is up to something, and what is it about) or am I just imagining things and seeing something what really is not. She has been warm and caring whole the time, so it would odd to assume that she is having something on.

Regardless are my suspicions true, there is still apparent lack of trust in the relationship.

We had a fight, and went to home. Later, when we got at her place. We talked about this calmly, and with more explaining. I told to her that I have been cheated on few times relationships in a row earlier, and I promised to myself that I'm not letting that to happen ever again. She understood me, and we talked about our core differences in our ways of communicating and differences in values.

I decided to sleep on the couch.

We had a serious, peaceful conversation tonight morning. Our core differences clash. She was more silent that ever before is our talks. We decided to get a break in our relationship. 

The break-up would be partly a relief, and partly something I really dread.


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

If your core beliefs clash that will be a long term problem. Good communication is generally key to working these types of things out. Talking it through using I feel this way when you do this using specific examples rather than general things like you always or you never is a good start. I forbid you to talk to your ex, I know you are cheating on me is a lot different than it hurt me when I was trying to talk to you earlier and it felt like the phone or whoever you were texting was more important than I was because you kept texting constantly. Google setting healthy boundaries, sounds like you need to have some of those deep conversations if you decide to continue the relationship to figure out what is and is not appropriate out of respect to your partner. Chatting with an ex is not necessarily a deal killer, my wife and I both talk to a few exs, but it does raise some red flags that probably should be talked through.


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## Das Brechen (Nov 26, 2011)

She was on some shady business for sure. Though, I have to say she really didn't DO anything worthy of having to be let go. If anything, she was getting some validation from somebody who isn't you and just happens to be a former lover. I'm not sure what the terms of this "break" are but if anything this could spell hard times or the end of your relationship. If she didn't trust you then she certainly doesn't trust you now. I'd be on the lookout for shady stuff if I were you when she comes back.

Then again, if I were you I wouldn't have jumped the gun so quick. First instinct when accused is to defend and deny. You should've had more concrete evidence. I would've made a mental note for the future.


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## Volant (Oct 5, 2013)

Communication is http://www.seton-school.org/Resources/Graphics/Key.jpg


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## 66393 (Oct 17, 2013)

My mom always told me, "if you're not doing anything wrong then there's no need to hide it"


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## TigerFella (Dec 12, 2013)

Enjoy it while it still lasts ?


Well, you may also ignore EX's meaty message. If he got out of line, she should correct him - if she did not, you'll pull the short straw.

Considering moving - unless she's just 'dreaming' a little is messed up.
You didn't do yourself a favor by pushing it. And a month of a 'break' - *clap clap* stupidest thing you could do in such situation. Guess to who will she relate now to resolve the issues, you are obviously of no help for her atm ... ?

I'd just advise to 'leave everything as it is' and brace for impact.

If she's gonna go with the ex, she's gonna do it anyway.


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## Nightchill (Oct 19, 2013)

If I were you, I would break up asap. 

Being with someone who's shady and evasive like that and having to constantly worry and play detective isn't healthy for you. 

The sooner you end it, the sooner and easier you can move on with your life and find somebody who won't do that to you.


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## Blickwinkel (May 15, 2012)

Tobeornottobe said:


> Hi,
> 
> I would like to get some ideas what should I do, and am I just imagining things or not.
> 
> ...


She's hiding something. If a woman doesn't deny or admit to anything, she's more than likely guilty. Have another talk with her, put up an ultimatum that she tells you what she was talking about with her ex, if she doesn't, its probably time to move on. Don't let her emotionally manipulate you...you need to know the facts about why she was talking to him if she wasn't interested. Until you know exactly what's going on, you can't trust that she's not still talking to him on the side. I'm not trying to be cold, just level headed.

This is EXACTLY why I don't date women with lingering ex's. The ex will find a way to get involved if he's still around.


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