# I can never find anyone I connect with, tips?



## Benja (Jan 26, 2012)

I can never seem to find people that I connect with, people that understand me and are similar to me.

I try to hang out with people and make friends, but they're never into things in the way that I am. This usually just leads me to doing everything on my own, because I want to do things that I enjoy instead of just sacrificing myself for others.

Has anyone solved a similar problem to this?

Any tips?


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## FiNe SiTe (Dec 11, 2009)

The only thing I could think of that you could do, is too expand your own interests so you can have a greater chance to connect with people. If you're someone who is solely interested in only one or two subjects/activities then of course your going to find it hard to connect with people. Either that or go to places that you think you'll find people with similar interests to you.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Benja said:


> I can never seem to find people that I connect with, people that understand me and are similar to me.
> 
> I try to hang out with people and make friends, but they're never into things in the way that I am. This usually just leads me to doing everything on my own, because I want to do things that I enjoy instead of just sacrificing myself for others.
> 
> ...


Well, go to places where you'd go to that involve your interests. If you like books, go to a library and sit next to somebody who's reading the sort of thing you like. Strike up a convo with, ''hey, I love those kinds of books! What's your take on ___? ''

Orr... You could look at the local newspaper for clubs and such. There are chess clubs, mountain climbing societies, science nerd talk forums, debate forums, risk-players.. If you're a nerdy geek, you could go to one of those card shops. They usually have events where people play DnD or something. I've never played myself, but I bet it'd be amusing.

Tell me what you want people to relate to with you, and I'll give you ideas.


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## Sleepy (Jan 18, 2009)

Learn socionics (yeah, it takes a while, but it's not impossible). Try to hang out / make friends with the same quadra. It doesn't mean that you will connect with all of them, far from it, but the chances are higher, also for friendship to develop long term. Assuming you are typed correctly and really are ISFP/SEI your quadra is alpha, so ENTP/ILE (dual), ISFP/SEI (identity), INTJ/LII (activation) and ESFJ/ESE (mirror) are people you appreciate the same cognitive perspective with, although your strengths are different. There is another good thing with quadra friends. Since people of the same quadra often are friends naturally, you will meet more alphas when hanging out with alphas. Hanging out with your quadra can also make you feel better and more appreciated, it's like therapy, making it easier to make more friends in the future.

This is of course only true if you really are ISFP/SEI.

For example: My oldest friend is INTJ/LII and I also have ENTP/ILE and ISFP/SEI friends. I am currently dating an ENTP.

(btw, don't listen to people who talk about the j/p switch between mbti and socionics.)

This is just one suggestion. Of course there can be many more reasons why it's hard to connect with someone. But I thought I'd give this hint, because it's about types.



Benja said:


> I can never seem to find people that I connect with, people that understand me and are similar to me.
> 
> Has anyone solved a similar problem to this?
> 
> Any tips?


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## Benja (Jan 26, 2012)

Word Dispenser said:


> Tell me what you want people to relate to with you, and I'll give you ideas.


I want to be able to walk through the park with someone and have them actually notice nature's beauty instead of them just talking at me the whole time.

I want to be able to sing when a good song comes on and have them join me instead of staring at me and thinking how weird I am.

I want to be able to skateboard or mountain bike with someone that's as lost in the moment as me, not thinking about competition or getting footage.

I want to be able to talk to someone that's open minded and creative and won't shoot down my ideas and tell me they'll never happen.

I want to make things with people, engineering projects and such, and have them actually research things on their own about it, like I do, and then when we meet up we can try implementing things.

I want people to just chill with and watch movies or listen to music, people that aren't constantly in my face with conversations.

Fellow naturalistic, visual, kinesthetic types with similar values would be nice too.



I'm not looking for people to do things with, I'm looking for people that I CONNECT with.


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## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

Your expectations are unrealistically high. 

There is no 100% magical connection with people the first time around (not that I've experience anyway). It takes years of being together, tolerating each other, sharing opinions, and shaping each other that creates a strong relationship. 

Given time, people with some potential to understand you--good listeners, honest, kind people--can become very close friends. But you need to be patient.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Benja said:


> I want to be able to walk through the park with someone and have them actually notice nature's beauty instead of them just talking at me the whole time.
> 
> I want to be able to sing when a good song comes on and have them join me instead of staring at me and thinking how weird I am.
> 
> ...


Aww, I cherish the weird looks.

Sounds like you would benefit from meeting some outcasts. Check out artsy places. Artists of all types have an appreciation for that which you do. They thrive in singing just for the helluvit.

You're not going to find nature/art/jumper lovers in the usual places. You won't connect with these people in a bar, or a cafe, for example. You're gonna find them where you'd expect-- Out doing the things that inspire them. They'll be at life drawing sessions, in poetry digs, at jazz clubs, art galleries and museums. Mountain climbing (Indoor, maybe?), rollerskating, biking, out in parks. You will find that the open, eccentric types will be doing that which is unusual. 

They'll stick out. Look for the ones with the crazy dyed hair and the piercings. They're generally going to be the most sensitive, intellectual people you'd ever meet.

The next step, then, is to actually _meet _them. I really have a hard time understanding shyness, so in this, I cannot help you. I've always been somebody who's introduced myself to random strangers on buses.


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## Benja (Jan 26, 2012)

@_The Hungry One_

I disagree, I've been with my family for years and they rarely connect with me, while I've met random people during college and instantly connected. Some people are just different, years of time together isn't going to change that. I want to find people who are fundamentally similar to me and have been living like I have their whole life.

@_Word Dispenser_

Thanks a lot, you've given some good advice. I need to get out and search more even though it seems futile at times, I might even have to try and chase these people down and say hi. I know it would be hard to meet me when I'm out doing things sometimes.


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## Xiong Mao (Apr 19, 2012)

Fuck connections with people. They're not worth it. :dry:

...ok. I guess I'm not good at giving social advice.


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## Benja (Jan 26, 2012)

INTJ_Eagle said:


> Fuck connections with people. They're not worth it. :dry:
> 
> ...ok. I guess I'm not good at giving social advice.


Your advice is very valuable @INTJ_Eagle , it reminds me keep an eye on my own interests and to not just connect with anybody.


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

Benja said:


> Fellow naturalistic, visual, kinesthetic types with similar values would be nice too.


Everything but this seems to match me well, I think (well, maybe values, depends on which ones you have).

Problem is, how would I or you attract/meet people similar to us? I mean, our expectations aren't really, well, obvious in a glance...


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

Benja said:


> Fellow naturalistic, visual, kinesthetic types with similar values would be nice too.


Everything but this (or if you bring up a topic that is... perhaps too "will-never-happen", if that makes any sense) seems to match me well, I think (maybe values match, depending on your values, of course haha).

Problem is, how would I or you meet people similar to us? I mean, our expectations aren't really, well, obvious at a first glance...


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## Benja (Jan 26, 2012)

ENTJam said:


> Problem is, how would I or you meet people similar to us? I mean, our expectations aren't really, well, obvious at a first glance...


Internet.

Also, maybe we could make it more obvious some how, like getting some shirts and hats that say what we like in big letters and then wandering through crowds whilst wearing them...


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## abysmalbeauty (Apr 30, 2012)

life.long.battle... and still struggling. Almost like you wish you could meet that person who is in your head and you wouldn't have to say a word to them, just chill and it would be awesome, every time w/o fail.

If you figure out the secret please share. I have yet to find someone who gets me, who sees the world the way I do, and who I truly feel connected with.


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