# NT men in courting.. how do you grab a female.?



## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

I have a painful crush on a male INTP "or I think he is", he seems to be 28.. he's someone I've never spoken to BTW, but I have seen around since september last year and have observed him and crushed on him and I get the feeling that he is STILL deciding whether I'm suitable or not :shocked: . I see him on the bus, in college, in the cafeteria, note we notice each others presence and he's usually nervous "so am i" 

how do you men grab females you're interested in..? I'm honestly tired of thinking "goes back to feeling"


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## incision (May 23, 2010)

INTP males will circle and circle, observing and observing until they've made up their minds. A nibble here and there, to gauge your reaction and then withdrawal for more observations. Then, when they've finally made a decision, they will strike and hard. In your face until you fold. 

What you can do, is to say 'hi' or smile at him on the bus. If he responds in a friendly way by returning the smile or 'hi', leave it at that until he approaches you. If he doesn't respond, don't initiate any further since he's either not interested or hasn't finished his observations.


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

Duo said:


> INTP males will circle and circle, observing and observing until they've made up their minds. A nibble here and there, to gauge your reaction and then withdrawal for more observations. Then, when they've finally made a decision, they will strike and hard. In your face until you fold.
> 
> What you can do, is to say 'hi' or smile at him on the bus. If he responds in a friendly way by returning the smile or 'hi', leave it at that until he approaches you. If he doesn't respond, don't initiate any further since he's either not interested or hasn't finished his observations.


good to know that theres a test I'm taking in his presence :blushed: 
I just want him to come and talk to me like a normal person.. I'm too shy to say hi.


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## Enistery (Feb 13, 2015)

Us INTPs are constantly evaluating and re-evaluating people. We may be obsessed with someone one day, and the next think "Oh it was just a one-time thing. How stupid of us to get emotionally attached to someone." Then the cycle repeats.

You should approach him and strike up a conversation like "oh I see you a lot but have never spoken to you." Something like that.

From there you'll probably figure out if he's interested our not. It's pretty easy to find out what an INTP thinks about you.


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

Kaizuka said:


> Us INTPs are *constantly evaluating and re-evaluating people.* We may be obsessed with someone one day, and the next think "Oh it was just a one-time thing. How stupid of us to get emotionally attached to someone." Then the cycle repeats.


seriously? why put someone else through this much pain.. I notice him observing me in such a curious way which actually drives me wild because I just want to get in his cute head and find out everything he's thinking about lol.. but am still lost, its going to be impossible for me to make a move..


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## Enistery (Feb 13, 2015)

@carolineatlantis

Ummm, I guess because we're afraid to destroy the perfect mental image we already have of someone. We want to get close, but we don't wanna get so close that we find out the other person isn't as perfect as we thought they were.

And we also don't want to get attached to someone, only to find out it's not worth our time. We feel like it's a failed experiment, for lack of a better way to put it.

If he's constantly observing you, I think you ought to talk to him. We don't dwell on things that aren't worth our time.

Of course, this depends on whether or not he's actually an INTP.


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

Kaizuka said:


> @carolineatlantis
> 
> Ummm, I guess because we're afraid to destroy the perfect mental image we already have of someone. We want to get close, but we don't wanna get so close that we find out the other person isn't as perfect as we thought they were.
> 
> ...


I want to get close to him like as in become familiar, I like him as a person and I feel like me and him have that same sad vibe..he used to act super nervous around me on the bus, and would avoid looking at me when I would pass by him while he would act normal with other girls. now I'm the one who is super nervous and he stares at me which leads me to completely become self conscious and avoid eye contact.. his behaviour is still a mystery to me which I want to explore, I feel I'm helpless in this situation so might as well not raise my hopes


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

sorry


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## januaryjen (Nov 22, 2011)

If you want an INTP to approach you, be approachable. It's kinda hypocritical to describe your own shyness and avoidance as reasonable caution, while expecting him to make a move based on the same mixed signals. If you can't even smile first and say hi, you might not be the kind of person that can draw him out anyway, right? So show him that you're interested, because you could be wasting your chance. One of those girls he's more comfortable around (because he's not interested in them) is going to snatch him up before he even knows what hit him, and he's gonna be wondering why that girl on the bus never gave him an friendly opening that he could respond to...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

I don't really believe in "courting", at least not as a rule. I look for ability to hold a conversation (like with anyone else), chemistry (physical/emotional.) The rest has to unfold naturally. Or it feels really... unnatural. You may have to speak to him to find out for sure (and/or for him to be interested.) The INTP's I know are pretty much the same as me in that regard.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

Hm. When I really feel a connection with someone, I don't hesitate to start talking to them.

It's only times when I think I have a false, too-good-to-be-true view of someone that I hesitate talking to them.

But I must say I hate shy people.


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## Leviticus Cornwall (Mar 27, 2014)

First step, eye contact. You read and learn so much. Which I am ENTJ. It's easy be approached by us, you just are not likely our number 1. On the contrary, I take interest in intps, they are hard to grab, maybe that's half the appeal.


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

BIGJake111 said:


> First step, eye contact. You read and learn so much. Which I am ENTJ. It's easy be approached by us, you just are not likely our number 1. On the contrary, I take interest in intps, they are hard to grab, maybe that's half the appeal.


so im not his #1.:sad:


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Umm..usage of emoticons in text messages? I don't know, no one has ever liked me so I can't say how I would react.


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

carolineatlantis said:


> so im not his #1.:sad:


Well "you just are not likely our number 1" was written by ENTJ so I think you might have interpreted it differently than it was meant.


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## Leviticus Cornwall (Mar 27, 2014)

carolineatlantis said:


> so im not his #1.:sad:


I did mean to tell you that you shouldn't just ask this question nts. Entj men are highly different than intp men. I can tell you how to pursue a INTP female but that's it. You may be best to speak with an entj woman actually as they have to get these intps out of their shells.


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

BIGJake111 said:


> I did mean to tell you that you shouldn't just ask this question nts. Entj men are highly different than intp men. I can tell you how to pursue a INTP female but that's it. You may be best to speak with an entj woman actually as they have to get these intps out of their shells.


are you saying my INFJ qualities aren't enough.. although I admit I have used all of the magic dust I have on him with no active results..


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## Leviticus Cornwall (Mar 27, 2014)

carolineatlantis said:


> are you saying my INFJ qualities aren't enough.. although I admit I have used all of the magic dust I have on him with no active results..


Intps are just terribly hard to grow trust with. They may like you, but they are too indecisive to decide they want you. With a girl it's easier because it's my job to pursue them. I have INTP male friends and I have never seen him outwardly express interest in any girl before. Your best bet is to ask an entj female with an INTP husband, there are some here, how they got their intps to open up.


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## napkineater (Mar 26, 2013)

By the tuckus.


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## chanteuse (May 30, 2014)

januaryjen said:


> If you want an INTP to approach you, be approachable. It's kinda hypocritical to describe your own shyness and avoidance as reasonable caution, while expecting him to make a move based on the same mixed signals. If you can't even smile first and say hi, you might not be the kind of person that can draw him out anyway, right? So show him that you're interested, because you could be wasting your chance. One of those girls he's more comfortable around (because he's not interested in them) is going to snatch him up before he even knows what hit him, and he's gonna be wondering why that girl on the bus never gave him an friendly opening that he could respond to...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



I really really really resonate with your take. 

Ppl judge others with their own tendencies and want others to do things the way they do. Understanding MBTI types is for me to do what others get or understand. If I continue to force my ways to others, I am going nowhere.

NTs are approachable. They then will make it known if they like you or not. It's quite simple and straight forward.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

BIGJake111 said:


> Not so sure about that. It's good to come open about intentions of more than a friendship from the start. At least from personal experience.


Having a good friendship first is always most important. You need to know the person. If the person in question is misguided about relationships, and believe that they should date without thought of foundation, that's no fault of yours.

Just my opinion, though. :kitteh:


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## All is One (Feb 1, 2014)

TwinAnthos said:


> I'm sorry I_ beg _ for your forgivness for I have sinned, telling untruths! :shocked: Eitherway I'm just J/k , you guys are fun to poke at, besides, my faher was an ENTJ so I know it's just predjudice against awkward T's since most are cool. :happy:


You shall be forgiven! :laughing:

I didn't think you were being serious there, J/k has been spotted! :ninja:

But if NT's would only breed NT's you would be right ^^.


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## Leviticus Cornwall (Mar 27, 2014)

Word Dispenser said:


> Having a good friendship first is always most important. You need to know the person. If the person in question is misguided about relationships, and believe that they should date without thought of foundation, that's no fault of yours.
> 
> Just my opinion, though. :kitteh:


I'm not saying hey your cute let's date. But go into the friend and relationship building period with obvious intent to be more that way no one is waisting their time.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

BIGJake111 said:


> I'm not saying hey your cute let's date. But go into the friend and relationship building period with obvious intent to be more that way no one is waisting their time.


Why would any friendship be a waste of time? roud:

I don't really view things that way. In the first place, I don't think there _should _be any expectations. It should just happen naturally. So, yes-- Start as friends.

Unless you're looking for casual encounters, and not a commitment, that's the way you should go about it, in my opinion.


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## Leviticus Cornwall (Mar 27, 2014)

Word Dispenser said:


> Why would any friendship be a waste of time? roud:
> 
> I don't really view things that way. In the first place, I don't think there _should _be any expectations. It should just happen naturally. So, yes-- Start as friends.
> 
> Unless you're looking for casual encounters, and not a commitment, that's the way you should go about it, in my opinion.


Hey, I'm going to get to know you, I quite like you. Simple enough, sorry I am entj and I just can't justify friends, I have old flames and current interests, that's it haha.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

BIGJake111 said:


> Hey, I'm going to get to know you, I quite like you. Simple enough, sorry I am entj and I just can't justify friends, I have old flames and current interests, that's it haha.


Yeah, you ENTJs and your efficiency. :kitteh:


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

I'm not an NT male... But I am an ENTJ lesbian. I may be able to offer insight. I tend to make the first move; very methodical about it. It's a numbers thing, I'll spit game to twenty women; maybe five will bite; of those five, maybe one I will deem worth a few shots at. So I study her interactions; get her vibe; see how her plans for her life fit into mine; if it doesn't mesh with where I see my life headed it's not efficient to waste my time further.

But communication is key; I initiate it; and i project where it goes; I remain in control of it... So I hold the power to drop it like its hot when I see fit.

The one exception being my last; she was my Kryptonite.

Also a fellow entj.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

TwinAnthos said:


> They don't, and that's the answer to why there is supposedly a minority of NT's in the world.


Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.


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## TwinAnthos (Aug 11, 2014)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.


That... You read my mind. It was exactly that movie I though of the first 30 second into that video, I thought ," well that one movie does not approve". I've been looking after that movie for a few years now, I never knew it's name! Thank you.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

TwinAnthos said:


> That... You read my mind. It was exactly that movie I though of the first 30 second into that video, I thought ," well that one movie does not approve". I've been looking after that movie for a few years now, I never knew it's name! Thank you.


It's because I am psychic  lol actually, it only vaguely sounds familiar to me, don't think I've ever seen it. I found it googling IQ and children. Was actually going to post a condescending graph of IQ vs # of children but I couldn't find one. :laughing:


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## TwinAnthos (Aug 11, 2014)

ninjahitsawall said:


> It's because I am psychic  lol actually, it only vaguely sounds familiar to me, don't think I've ever seen it. I found it googling IQ and children. Was actually going to post a condescending graph of IQ vs # of children but I couldn't find one. :laughing:


I never finished it, I only came to the part where they enter a hospital, it was running on my tv a few years ago. 
Haha, so that's how you found it. Well I prefer this to that graph :tongue:


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

carolineatlantis said:


> I do understand the "sniper":ninja: reference, because thats the vibe I get from him,:angry: its like it's all or nothing to him.. and that makes me nervous because I don't want to push him away:crying:.
> did you end up talking to her?


Oh yes, one next time waited for "perfect opportunity", missed her a few times, depleted options in my head -> saw no better than direct, yet gentlemen-like approach in that situation, guessed my chances (pretty low, but worth taking).
And then I met her again and told her I found her very charming. That was quite challenging (as we build up our obsession and set stakes high). She smiled at me shyly and answered that her boyfriend wouldn't approve... Well this was one of the expected possible scenarios though I almost physically felt my dream shatter to shards, cutting through me. Still I treasure her smile.

If you want to help him get out of his shell try to look approachable, smile at him, help him ease the tension.


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

SilverFalcon said:


> Oh yes, one next time waited for "perfect opportunity", missed her a few times, depleted options in my head -> saw no better than direct, yet gentlemen-like approach in that situation, guessed my chances (pretty low, but worth taking).
> And then I met her again and told her I found her very charming. That was quite challenging (as we build up our obsession and set stakes high). She smiled at me shyly and answered that her boyfriend wouldn't approve... Well this was one of the expected possible scenarios though I almost physically felt my dream shatter to shards, cutting through me. Still I treasure her smile.
> 
> If you want to help him get out of his shell try to look approachable, smile at him, help him ease the tension.


damn :frustrating:
all this time then she simply says the word "boyfriend" to you.. :crying: you'll find someone better


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.


that explains a lot..


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

carolineatlantis said:


> damn :frustrating:
> all this time then she simply says the word "boyfriend" to you.. :crying: you'll find someone better


I don't blame her at all. She did not owe me anything and she was not mean - just gave me reason that she is no longer available because of exclusive relationship. I don't know if feelers want it presented in other way, but for me it's fair. I do not understand why that should make her loose value in my eyes.
It only hints at her being faithful and honest. After all I was just some stranger revealing unsolicited feelings towards her, while she have someone she loves.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

My best advice? Stop dancing around about it and just be his friend. Debate with him on intellectual topics. Share your observations of the world and people around you, and listen to his. Talk theory and hash out hypotheses. Play video games with him. Basically, carry on with him as you would if you were another NT. 

If he gets feels for you, and there comes a point where neither of you are already dating someone else, he will likely make a move. And when he does make that move, it will be both unmistakable and surprisingly bold, particularly for the anxiety-prone "bow tie and chalkboard" stereotype many people have of INTP.


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

It appears that they chase me... Not the ones i want either. This is my third time rejecting her. She's an enfp i made her take the MBTI


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## carolineatlantis (Jan 25, 2015)

Lesuhlee said:


> It appears that they chase me... Not the ones i want either. This is my third time rejecting her. She's an enfp i made her take the MBTI


sorry but thats kind of mean.. but i guess its better to be straight forward.. i have NT friends who say things that are insensitive sometimes and its just plain cruel..


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

carolineatlantis said:


> sorry but thats kind of mean.. but i guess its better to be straight forward.. i have NT friends who say things that are insensitive sometimes and its just plain cruel..


My defense and at times offense towards others is due to my deep psychological issues, I am beginning to work through in therapy. Sometimes, I will acknowledge, my shoot-first, react later brazen and often rudeness is reflective of those issues coming through.

However, I'd like to think I make progress daily; I'm noticing the feedback I'm getting and am beginning to process better results than what I'm used to getting.

Progress not perfection, right?


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## CitricBoxer (Jan 3, 2015)

With my hands.

What am I, a chimpanzee?


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## Bugs (May 13, 2014)

Since you want to know about INTPs in particular then a topic with 'NT men' is going to get you mixed results. NTs like INTPs are usually way different than extraverted NTs. I am not shy and if I'm interested in someone I will approach them. I'm not an ENTJ so I don't go up to them right away and start to explain my battle plan. I observe enough until I get some good idea on how move forward with that particular person. INTPs would rather be approached than do the approaching themselves, even the dudes. So you're kind of going to be struggling here since you're both shy introverts and even though traditionally men are supposed to be the initiators I can't imagine INTPs really giving a damn about tradition :tongue:. If you get with an INTP ( with a few exceptions) you will mostly like be the 'extraverted' one in your relationship since INFJs have a pretty good extraverted side to them. Just be prepared to handle that stress.


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

januaryjen said:


> How many quirky lovesick girls/women do you need to see posting on this sub before you can consider that INTPs are *a rare type that is often considered interesting and attractive to other rare-ish types*?


If 2 rare types need to be involved, then as I said, this sort of "snatch him up before he even knows what hit him" thing doesn't happen to INTPs very often.


> The OP is writing about a guy on the bus...so maybe get on a bus and look around, I guess.


Eh, I spend hours per week on the bus and get no more attention than I do any other time (which is exactly 0).


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## Themorning (Jan 8, 2014)

Strelok said:


> Eh, I spend hours per week on the bus and get no more attention than I do any other time (which is exactly 0).


I'm kind of in the same boat, if I don't do anything, opportunities will rarely come my way. It's true, some guys will have girls approach them. I have a friend with long hair and rugged good looks and girls will throw themselves at him. Unfortunately, that's not our world. That's not to say we have to live a lonely existence, just that we have to go and try to get what we want rather than waiting for what we want to come to us.

Anyway, I go through periods when I'm happy and confident and times where my confidence is shot and I feel hopeless. The later is repulsive and really sucks. When you're happy with yourself and your life, things are much easier.


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## Yeezus (Feb 22, 2014)

Duo said:


> INTP males will circle and circle, observing and observing until they've made up their minds. A nibble here and there, to gauge your reaction and then withdrawal for more observations. Then, when they've finally made a decision, they will strike and hard. In your face until you fold.
> 
> What you can do, is to say 'hi' or smile at him on the bus. If he responds in a friendly way by returning the smile or 'hi', leave it at that until he approaches you. If he doesn't respond, don't initiate any further since he's either not interested or hasn't finished his observations.


How would you know? You're neither INTP or male. Speaking for myself, I have never and will never make the first move. In fact, I actively avoid and shoot down any advances made by anyone, although I have been in one relationship (I don't know how that happened) and I ended it a couple months in because I realized how miserable I was being chained to an ESFJ.


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## incision (May 23, 2010)

Yeezus said:


> How would you know? You're neither INTP or male. Speaking for myself, I have never and will never make the first move.


My post was based on past personal experiences with INTP males, whether in romantic relationships or chatting with male INTP friends. 

That said, you're right. I'm neither INTP or male so call it as you see it, from your perspective as an INTP male.


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

I have no idea how I would even "make a move".


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

Strelok said:


> I have no idea how I would even "make a move".


That will most likely depend on the situation. When I was in that position I have mentally explored the options and than picked the most appropriate feeling one. I did it as Duo wrote. Very honestly and right in the face (yet respectfully), though a bit awkwardly since I had no opportunity for slower approach.


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## Themorning (Jan 8, 2014)

Strelok said:


> I have no idea how I would even "make a move".


Don't try, don't think, just do. It pains me to say it, but follow your _feeling_. Don't be afraid to display your sexuality and go for it.

.....though, what do you mean by "make a first move"? Is that just talking to a girl, or going in for a kiss, or trying to get her pants off?


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

If you want to catch an INTP or an INTJ it definitely helps to make many first moves as both types prefers to sit back and observe their surroundings before they act. Don't give up if they don't seem to respond the way you'd like right away, it's a slow process but they'll get there eventually (if they're interested at all that is). If they're not, an INTP might start making excuses and seem like they want to flee the scene and an INTJ might even outright tell you what they think of you if you ask, we're open like that. 

Sometimes if we get surprised by for instance a pretty girl being all friendly toward us we might not respond correctly right away (it could even seem like we are ignoring you), the simple truth is that we just don't know how to act spontaneously and need to retreat to think it over. I can't even tell you how many times I've regretted myself and thought up good come backs when it's already too late.


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

Themorning said:


> Don't try, don't think, just do. It pains me to say it, but follow your _feeling_. Don't be afraid to display your sexuality and go for it.


All of those things are uncomfortable



Themorning said:


> .....though, what do you mean by "make a first move"? Is that *just talking to a girl*, or going in for a kiss, or trying to get her pants off?


The first one. Also the second one, but I'll never have to worry about the second one until I do the first.



Blue Soul said:


> the simple truth is that we just don't know how to act spontaneously and need to retreat to think it over. I can't even tell you how many times I've regretted myself and thought up good come backs when it's already too late.


Yeah, I sometimes wish I could interact spontaneously, but my brain won't let me.


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## Themorning (Jan 8, 2014)

Strelok said:


> The first one. Also the second one, but I'll never have to worry about the second one until I do the first.


Be direct, make eye contact and speak clearly. Don't feel like you need an excuse to talk to someone.


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

Themorning said:


> Be direct, make eye contact and speak clearly. Don't feel like you need an excuse to talk to someone.


Also- please, perceivers-- please make sure communication is thorough. My best friend constantly strings men along not knowing she's doing it: she assumes plans are in the air and not concrete. However the men she's dated have made reservations and arrangements. When she says 'I'm free Friday night; lets do something" then Friday night rolls around and guys are ready to meet her, her response: "well we were just going to wing it; if it happens it happens"

No, this is stringing along. It's immature, inconsiderate and incompetent.


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

Themorning said:


> Be direct, make eye contact and speak clearly. *Don't feel like you need an excuse to talk to someone*.


Well, I kind of do. Especially since I have absolutely no life outside of doing things on the computer (mostly video games and programming) at home alone, and my dead-end wageslavery jerb. I'm not interested in talking about the latest sensory news (or S-y experiences in general) or anything like that either — so I have no idea what I would possibly talk to a woman _about_.


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## Themorning (Jan 8, 2014)

Lesuhlee said:


> Also- please, perceivers-- please make sure communication is thorough.


I've had girls organise a date with me for 1-2 weeks time. I don't like planning anything social more than three days out.


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## Themorning (Jan 8, 2014)

Strelok said:


> Well, I kind of do.


What about down at the shops, on bus, or walking down the street? If there's no girls where you live, get out of there. It's a crap place to be single. Honestly, get out. There's no point wasting time. You only live once, get control of your life and do what you want to do.

I'll share my story. I came out of a relationship early last year (or late the year before). I moved into the city because I wanted to be around more activity. I got into dating and had my share of ups and downs. Had a few wins here and there. I really value my freedom so I've learnt new skills so now I can work from my laptop. Along the way, I met a girl and we lived together for a while. Next month I'm going to travel overseas with her and work from my laptop. My point is, you have to work to get what you want.



Strelok said:


> I have no idea what I would possibly talk to a woman _about_.


Some people you will click with, others you won't. The fastest way to find someone you click with is to talk to meet/talk to more people. When I'm comfortable with someone, I can talk them into the ground (though of course everyone's different).


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

Themorning said:


> I've had girls organise a date with me for 1-2 weeks time. I don't like planning anything social more than three days out.


Yea I get that.


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

@Themorning et al:

Do not think I'm marginalizing all perceivers; and I am not labeling all ENFPs. I'm simply citing a particular example to reaffirm my point:

Interested in 'grab'ing a (significant other)? Don't send mixed signals; be clear in your intentions; be forthright in your communication. That's a start. Attraction is a two- way street.


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## Themorning (Jan 8, 2014)

Lesuhlee said:


> @Themorning et al:
> 
> Do not think I'm marginalizing all perceivers; and I am not labeling all ENFPs. I'm simply citing a particular example to reaffirm my point:
> 
> Interested in 'grab'ing a (significant other)? Don't send mixed signals; be clear in your intentions; be forthright in your communication. That's a start. Attraction is a two- way street.


That's fine. 

With your friend though, I'm going to guess that she gets a fair bit of interest from guys and that allows her to act like that. On the other end of the scale, it's often guys that aren't getting laid that constantly bug girls to meet them (very clingy and it just doesn't work). Having lived with an attractive girl for a while recently, I saw a lot of this (guys ringing and sending stacks of messages with little interest given in return). I've heard this rationalised in terms of abundance. Guys (and girls?) with no/little options can become very needy and try too hard which unfortunately has the undesired effect of driving people away. I'm guessing your friend has plenty of offers from guys to go out on dates and therefore that allows her Pness to really shine (no need organise, whatever happens happens).


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

Themorning said:


> That's fine.
> 
> With your friend though, I'm going to guess that she gets a fair bit of interest from guys and that allows her to act like that. On the other end of the scale, it's often guys that aren't getting laid that constantly bug girls to meet them (very clingy and it just doesn't work). Having lived with an attractive girl for a while recently, I saw a lot of this (guys ringing and sending stacks of messages with little interest given in return). I've heard this rationalised in terms of abundance. Guys (and girls?) with no/little options can become very needy and try too hard which unfortunately has the undesired effect of driving people away. I'm guessing your friend has plenty of offers from guys to go out on dates and therefore that allows her Pness to really shine (no need organise, whatever happens happens).


Very interesting perspective, and I do think the surplus of men has something to do with it, actually.... Good observation.


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

Themorning said:


> What about down at the shops, on bus, or walking down the street? If there's no girls where you live, get out of there. It's a crap place to be single. Honestly, get out. There's no point wasting time. You only live once, get control of your life and do what you want to do.


I wish that were possible. It's not that there's no girls in town (though the average age in this city is like 50 something), but that they're inaccessible to me for reasons I said above (I have no life outside of doing things on the computer (mostly video games and programming) at home alone, and my dead-end wageslavery jerb. I'm not interested in talking about the latest sensory news (or S-y experiences in general) or anything like that either — so I have no idea what I would possibly talk to a woman about.)

As for moving, I'd love to but am dirt poor with no "real job skills" and my family lives here, so... Hopefully I'll have done enough upgrading to get accepted into the university this Fall.



Themorning said:


> I'll share my story. I came out of a relationship early last year (or late the year before). I moved into the city because I wanted to be around more activity. I got into dating and had my share of ups and downs. Had a few wins here and there. I really value my freedom so I've learnt new skills so now I can work from my laptop. Along the way, I met a girl and we lived together for a while. Next month I'm going to travel overseas with her and work from my laptop. My point is, you have to work to get what you want.


You mean you freelance? What skills did you learn? I'd love to find anything I can do _besides_ "service" jobs.


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## Doran Seth (Apr 4, 2015)

I'm in college and I typically end up dating women in my classes. Here is how my successful dating attempts generally go: 

Once I become interested in a woman I usually find some innocent academic or social excuse to spend time with her. During our time together I tell her about myself, ask some personal questions, nothing invasive, see how well we get along, and try to gauge her interest in me. If it goes well, I make further, increasingly non school-related plans with her and repeat until she hints at being interested in me. I return that sentiment and then we are sort of dating.

But everyone is different and it can be somewhat difficult to distinguish between romantic interest and platonic interest. I don't think NTs are generally the kind of people to come right out and say "I like you"; In my case I just leave clues and see how she responds to them.


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## Powershower (Feb 19, 2015)

Rethink said:


> + @Lesuhlee
> 
> They are afraid to "fall too fast" and act idiotically until I explode (and I am a p-a-t-i-e-n-t person).
> Then I throw all my intuitive understanding about their psychology at them in a mental "fuck this-moment" while still remaining relatively nice and explaining that I was interested in them as a potential long-term thing. Since this usually happens before they are "comfortable" with me - and in a "text" - they project their own insecurities of falling too fast (without "sufficient" interaction/time together) and then disappear in agony.
> ...


My problem with the above statement is that isn't how women work. They function differently from men in relationships. Biologically, men just want to hit it and quit it. Get our seed spread and we will be happy. We also want to be praised and adored for how amazing we are. We have proven it again and again by our sheer manliness in whatever fashion you and I think you might be/are amazing. With a female, they are looking for a relationship a caregiver and a long term perspective. How the hell are you going to take care of this kid that you made with her, can you function in this manner to provide for her and this child? How well will that functioning work with her? 

That being said, how do guys fall in love... Well we are attracted to a female, we see potential in them to bear our children because we get along, what more is there? We're in love. A woman wants to feel safe going into the relationship long term. The closeness for a woman is in their head where ours is in our pants. A woman wants to see how you are going to act long term, not while you are playing with her "whatever you want to call it." A woman is in love when they know you will be there for them. Sure, Hypergamy maybe involved in some women's minds, every woman is not created the same though. They like what they like, they are attracted to it for a plethora of reasons. All of this information isn't to deter you from doing what you are doing. Just realize when you on average are in a relationship for 3 months and you say "I love you," don't expect her too say "oh yeah, I love you too (I guess)." Because it takes a woman longer to fall in love 5+ months.

rant over.


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## sockratees (Apr 7, 2015)

first i'll cast a net over her, then i'll wrangle, and wrangle, and wrangle, until finally i'll spear her


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## thedoodle (Oct 6, 2014)

sockratees said:


> first i'll cast a net over her, then i'll wrangle, and wrangle, and wrangle, until finally i'll spear her


I don't get it. Why not spear her first?


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## sockratees (Apr 7, 2015)

thedoodle said:


> I don't get it. Why not spear her first?


foreplay is essential


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## thedoodle (Oct 6, 2014)

sockratees said:


> foreplay is essential


Somewhat debatable. Me being near them is usually enough.


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

I'd advise get to know him first? Strike a conversation, make sure he's not engaged or worse, married. Be friendly, actually like spending time with/around them (why would you want to date anyone you don't genuinely enjoy being with?), allow an opening. 

Wait. 

If they're not coming, they're not (that) interested.


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## Revolver Ocelot (Feb 25, 2015)

I find a club and a net works 100% of the time.


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