# Interaction between instinctual types



## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

As an sx/sp, of the three closest friends I have, one is sp/so, one sx/sp and the other so/sx, which is odd since they are in the same syn-flow. All of my family members are sp/so. When I am with my family all of my energy gets restored and when I leave them I am in a sort of sleepy introverted mode, which makes it difficult to get back into my energetic mode, since they reinforce my weaker secondary. I was wondering what you make out of the following and if you relate to it in any way? 

Experiences are very welcome!



> *Flow of Instinctual Energies & Compatibility*
> 
> When we invest our energy, most of it is devoted to fulfillment of our primary instinct. The remaining energy radiates or flows onto the secondary instinct and finally onto the last instinct, which receives the smallest share. There are two possible configurations or directions for this flow. In first configuration, energy is invested in the order of sx→sp→so→sx. This direction gives rise to three stackings: sx/sp, sp/so, so/sx. In the second configuration, energy is invested in the order of sx→so→sp→sx, which gives rise to the other three stackings: sx/so, so/sp and sp/sx.
> 
> ...


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

> *
> Syn-flow:* sp → so → sx → sp
> *not this:* sp/so → so/sx → sx/sp → sp/so
> *but this:* sp/sx ← sx/so ← so/sp ← sp/sx
> ...


The flows move in the opposite direction in my experience. I'm not seeking out my 2nd instinct from my 1st instinct. I'm seeking my 1st instinct starting out from my 2nd instinct.

sx/sp wouldn't be a movement from sx to sp but the reverse - sp to sx.

I don't know what to make of the rest of the quote. Having the flow in the wrong direction just skewed everything else the wrong way for me.


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

enneathusiast said:


> The flows move in the opposite direction in my experience. I'm not seeking out my 2nd instinct from my 1st instinct. I'm seeking my 1st instinct starting out from my 2nd instinct.
> 
> sx/sp wouldn't be a movement from sx to sp but the reverse - sp to sx.


I think that is right, as it says "The person of downstream stacking usually feels a measure of attraction for a person of their upstream stacking". So sp/so is attracted to sx/sp, sx/sp is attracted to so/sx and so/sx is attracted to sp/so. sp/sx is attracted to so/sp, so/sp is attracted to sx/so, sx/so is attracted to sp/sx.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

babblingbrook said:


> I think that is right, as it says "The person of downstream stacking usually feels a measure of attraction for a person of their upstream stacking". So sp/so is attracted to sx/sp, sx/sp is attracted to so/sx and so/sx is attracted to sp/so. sp/sx is attracted to so/sp, so/sp is attracted to sx/so, sx/so is attracted to sp/sx.


From my sx/sp, I don't feel an attraction to so/sx in the least. In fact they're just too much for me to take. So I'm not sure what's being suggested by this attraction for a person of their upstream stacking.

The only thing I could say with that movement is that it helps me to deal with the social realm when I'm with someone else (maybe so/sx movement bringing intimate into the social).


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

*Based on limited personal exp only.*

*Disclaimer: Perhaps one day I'll be enamored by someone of a stacking I find myself usually apathetic to.*




babblingbrook said:


> As an sx/sp, of the three closest friends I have, one is sp/so, one sx/sp and the other so/sx, which is odd since they are in the same syn-flow. All of my family members are sp/so. When I am with my family all of my energy gets restored and when I leave them I am in a sort of sleepy introverted mode, which makes it difficult to get back into my energetic mode, since they reinforce my weaker secondary. I was wondering what you make out of the following and if you relate to it in any way?
> 
> Experiences are very welcome!



In many ways, yes. *However, I personally disagree with the idealisation of relations w/ people of the same flow progression. Others felt more fufilling.*


> Contra-flow: sp → sx → so → sp
> * Stackings involved: *sp/sx → sx/so → so/sp → sp/sx





> The downstream person may be reluctant to accept such help, since this is not something that they generally concern about, but at the same time sense that it is supportive and reinforcing of their lifestyle, since it helps them to deal with their blindspot issues.


I'm *sp/sx. *The minor handful of *sx/so's* I've interacted with were the most energy draining bastards I've ever had the fortune of meeting (oodles of fun, though). While their attempts to draw me into a group sometimes worked and found me new associates, for the most part I felt alienated and bored. When conversations turned towards other people I didn't care about / group dynamics I should follow etc. I felt like braining myself. 

May be very likeable depending on the person, but I've been unable to tolerate any one of these for more than approx 3 hours in one go (after which I'm continuously zoning out).

Pros: openness
cons: dude, boundaries!

What support I was able to provide seemed to stem from having a more objective, outsider view of the various groups they were into.


__________________________


> Relations between stackings of opposite flows may feel attractive initially due to their novelty and contrast. However, in the long run, the interaction may feel somewhat boring, unrewarding, uncomplimentary, disorienting, correcting, stifling, and otherwise frustrating to the people involved.


For me: *sp/sx *+ *sp/so*
Perhaps intellectually stimulating - if I wished to discuss impersonal topics, or other people who weren't them.

Mostly feel like talking to a wall / looking for a mystery that's simply absent.
*glances at own tendency to seek closeness surrounded by available doors of exit*


__________________________


> Opposite flow stackings that share both instincts (e.g. sp/so and so/sp) often have overlapping areas of interests, concerns, and desires, and same area of disinterest and disregard (same instinctual blindspot). They may appreciate what the other person brings into relationship in terms of content, feel camaraderie with one another on basis of sharing the blindspot instinct (e.g. sp/sx and sx/sp may appreciate each other's disregard for the social convention and "lone wolf" attitude). However, partners feel somehow elusive to one another: what constitutes the primary drive, desire, and concern of one partner, the other approaches in a creative, flexible, lighthearted way as something that is only of secondary interest and importance.
> 
> Thus, while inverse stackings can sense some kind of similarity, they manage to constantly unbalance and throw each other off by displaying an impudent attitude toward the area that the other considers to be "sacred" and not to be played around with. Since these stackings are channeling their attention and energies in the opposite directions, they may enter a cycle of mutual reorientation, correction, extinguishment, and criticize the other for what they see as a misguided focus, not being able to take the other's primary instinctual value in a serious manner. Both of them might feel as if they are constantly pulling the rug from under each other's feet.


For me: *sp/sx *+ *sx/sp*

"However, partners feel somehow elusive to one another" ???! I'm the only elusive one here. Sx-doms seem to overshare easily.

Unlike sx/so, these can be more intrusive in their attempts to draw me out, but there's also added comfort due to the missing pull towards the unfamiliar. Easier to sit back and let them do the work. 

Conversely, because of the comfort, when they suddenly turn up the intensity it comes as more of a shock.
--

In the face of both sx-firsts. I may feel like a pretender when comparing my level of attachment to theirs (sx/sp expresses it in a sharper manner, since the other finds it easier to escape into the crowd.)

__________________________


> Stackings that share the same middle instinct but not the leading one can be said to be most opposite in their orientation. If there is any attraction between people of these stackings, it usually forms on basis of overlap of their middle instinct (e.g. sx/sp and so/sp may have involving discussion about sp-topics).
> 
> They soon discover, however, that their primary motivations and desires couldn't be any more different, that they do not truly understand each other's orientation and primary desires. Feeling that it is difficult to bridge the distance, they often part ways. Often it happens that one of them finds that the primary orientation of the other is too disruptive to their own world (e.g. so/sp feels like sx/sp is too sharp and socially unrefined in self-expression). In such worst case scenarios, one of the people involved may try to eliminate or somehow suppress the other person. This pairing holds the most potential for misunderstandings and conflicts of all other stacking combinations."


For me: *sp/sx *+ *so/sx*

Strongly depends on the person.

*When it's shite: *See green highlight.

+ complaint on the absence of others when we're alone. 
*
When it's easy going: *similar degree of preferred engagement once we've simmered down into a group of 3-4. Able to pursue separate paths once tired.


__________________________
*Same damn thing*

Sp/sx + Sp/sx

Generally comfortable before conversation dries up. Neither seems inclined to keep in regular contact outside of spontaneous spurts. I tend to initiate, since I'm usually the extrovert.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

babblingbrook said:


> I think that is right, as it says "The person of downstream stacking usually feels a measure of attraction for a person of their upstream stacking". So sp/so is attracted to sx/sp, sx/sp is attracted to so/sx and so/sx is attracted to sp/so. sp/sx is attracted to so/sp, so/sp is attracted to sx/so, sx/so is attracted to sp/sx.


I think attraction goes both ways. Sx/sp is attracted to both sp/so and so/sx. But so/sx feels like a "step down" because it doesn't fulfill the sx/sp's main area of neurosis -- feeling disconnected from the community due to being social last. Sp/so can fill in this spot by supplying sx/sp with the right tools to deal with it. So/sx can drag sx/sp out to socialize but doesn't really equip sx/sp to deal with the social world the way sp/so can do it.

Also I've found these flows to be a good guide for figuring out who has the wrong stacking. One of my friends typed as sp/sx but I typed her as sx/sp. Her best friend was so/sx and we both agreed on that. I showed her the flows, but she insisted that these flows are all wrong and don't work in her experience as an sp/sx in friendship with so/sx. Months later she admitted that yes I was right and after carefully studying the instincts again she changed hers to sx/sp. Now if somebody's experiences don't align I question if they got the right stacking.



enneathusiast said:


> From my sx/sp, I don't feel an attraction to so/sx in the least. In fact they're just too much for me to take. So I'm not sure what's being suggested by this attraction for a person of their upstream stacking.
> 
> The only thing I could say with that movement is that it helps me to deal with the social realm when I'm with someone else (maybe so/sx movement bringing intimate into the social).


Is it possible that you're not sx/sp? If you are sp/sx then you would be disturbed by so/sx as you have described.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

cyamitide said:


> Is it possible that you're not sx/sp? If you are sp/sx then you would be disturbed by so/sx as you have described.


No, unquestionably sx/sp. I'm not so much disturbed by so/sx. It's just the lack of sp (a sort of self-containment) that is extremely draining.

I see the instinctual movement for sx/sp to be away from the social toward the sp (get me out of this social bullshit so I can do my own thing) and then a movement from the sp toward the intimate (longing for someone who I can have a deeper, real sharing with).


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

I found this thread to be quite informative on the topic.

http://personalitycafe.com/articles/114412-enneagram-instinctual-variant-pair-bonding-interrelationship-instinctual-drives.html


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

TreasureTower said:


> I found this thread to be quite informative on the topic.
> 
> http://personalitycafe.com/articles...ing-interrelationship-instinctual-drives.html


I find the idea of reverting to your primary instinct once you've gotten what you wanted from another instinct to sometimes be the case - I find this is usually with the last instinct. It's like you're placating people in order to get by in that realm but once you've either had enough of it or satisfied those people then you revert back to what you really want according to your primary or even secondary instinct.
@TreasureTower, what take-away did you get from the thread?


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