# I CAN'T talk about my feelings



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

I mean I was never a Feeler but I've just realized that unless I'm drunk or something I can't talk about my feelings.
It's like they don't exist. In the meantime I listen to songs that make me realize that I have those feelings.
But how to communicate them?


----------



## Rivaloo (Nov 19, 2021)

Maybe you could search youtube for people explaining their feelings to get a rough idea of what words you might want to use to describe said feelings :L


----------



## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

jetser said:


> I mean I was never a Feeler but I've just realized that unless I'm drunk or something I can't talk about my feelings.
> It's like they don't exist. In the meantime I listen to songs that make me realize that I have those feelings.
> But how to communicate them?


I have the same issue but I also had to deal with a lot of neglect.


----------



## Rivaloo (Nov 19, 2021)

I always feel feelings are best described with very physical analogies - like when I was depressed some time ago i'd of described the feeling as being like a weight in my chest or pressure. Some thing like happiness feels more euphonic and followed by laughter... hmm just a few ideas ig tbh irl I'm not terribly great at describing my feelings rather than pointing at 'things' that I feel 'like' lmao


----------



## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

Just to be clear, are we talking about personal emotions (which are more of a state and can be inferred from body language and expressions.. what you might need to communicate verbally is WHY you feel that) or feelings about things and people (which is more about how you relate to them and view them)?


----------



## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

jetser said:


> I mean I was never a Feeler but I've just realized that unless I'm drunk or something I can't talk about my feelings.
> It's like they don't exist. In the meantime I listen to songs that make me realize that I have those feelings.
> But how to communicate them?


When your parents, society, friends etc give you the impression that they not gonna help u sort through ur emotions then you're obviously not gonna talk about your feelings. I normally bottle them up and take it out at the gym and in sports. 

Understand the larger picture and don't assume the world revolves around you, adapt to your environment and let go. Just remember, your issues, society's issues, humanity's issues are nothing more than a grain of sand in the grand scheme of things, we're all insignificant, people come and go, living 1 day, dying the next like ants, political issues, beliefs, they all fade away with time, enjoy your brief time here on Earth, do what you want, forgive, forget, move on with your journey that is life.

The only certainty you have is death, converting back to the particles you evolved from, the only thing of significance to you is whether you enjoyed your journey or not.


----------



## mug_cake (Jul 18, 2021)

I am able to talk about my feelings. I've have tons of practice being around women and being a woman. Usually it's tough to find the right words and may need some long pauses. I notice I sometimes feel frustrated and say statements like "I know this doesn't make sense but..." or "I hate that I feel this way but...". I may not be ready to be the host of women's morning talk show but I think the effort is appreciated.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

DOGSOUP said:


> Just to be clear, are we talking about personal emotions (which are more of a state and can be inferred from body language and expressions.. what you might need to communicate verbally is WHY you feel that) or feelings about things and people (which is more about how you relate to them and view them)?


To be honest I'm not even sure I understand the question.
I'm emotionally autistic when it comes to me. 

I understand the emotions in others when I see them but not in me.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

ENTJudgement said:


> When your parents, society, friends etc give you the impression that they not gonna help u sort through ur emotions then you're obviously not gonna talk about your feelings. I normally bottle them up and take it out at the gym and in sports.
> 
> Understand the larger picture and don't assume the world revolves around you, adapt to your environment and let go. Just remember, your issues, society's issues, humanity's issues are nothing more than a grain of sand in the grand scheme of things, we're all insignificant, people come and go, living 1 day, dying the next like ants, political issues, beliefs, they all fade away with time, enjoy your brief time here on Earth, do what you want, forgive, forget, move on with your journey that is life.
> 
> The only certainty you have is death, converting back to the particles you evolved from, the only thing of significance to you is whether you enjoyed your journey or not.


I agree with everything other than the "you're insignificant" part.
I can't view it this way.

I'm much too human to feel this way.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Rivaloo said:


> Maybe you could search youtube for people explaining their feelings to get a rough idea of what words you might want to use to describe said feelings :L


My problem is that I don't know what I feel.
In order to be able to communicate them at least I would need a rough idea of what I need what I want. But most of the times I don't.
It's like Fi blindspot surely exists. I can't explain it with anything else.


----------



## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

jetser said:


> To be honest I'm not even sure I understand the question.
> I'm emotionally autistic when it comes to me.
> 
> I understand the emotions in others when I see them but not in me.


Fair, well, are you thinking about other people when listening to music?


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

DOGSOUP said:


> Fair, well, are you thinking about other people when listening to music?


I feel that the best way to describe my feelings is through music.
And it often happens without my realization. Like I don't know why I like that select piece of music but it somehow describes me.
Usually it involves other people, yes. Not necessarily.

It's usually a state I remember from somewhere. But I forgot about it and forgot it to communicate.


----------



## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

jetser said:


> I feel that the best way to describe my feelings is through music.
> And it often happens without my realization. Like I don't know why I like that select piece of music but it somehow describes me.
> Usually it involves other people, yes. Not necessarily.
> 
> It's usually a state I remember from somewhere. But I forgot about it and forgot it to communicate.


Ok that makes sense. So the issue is not necessarily in identifying the feeling because you are able to do it later, but identifying it in that moment & communicating immediately?

(BTW... people send each other songs. Lovers make playlists for each other. This is a way to communicate. I figure it is why we do lyrical analysis at school.)

But yeah for identifying emotions on your own, I recommend reading more on the topic (fiction, self-help, research)... I heard it can take a lot of work for some people, but getting familiar with the terms, journaling etc. helps keep track of the feelings. This is advice given in counseling too. So you have time to find the right words, and they are easier to access when you need to, I guess? So next time you can be like "hey.... this makes me feel kinda shitty" when it hits the fan.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

DOGSOUP said:


> but identifying it in that moment & communicating immediately?


Yes. I have a horrible social and emotional abilities.
But I can detect emotions in others easily. So it's not an autism thing.
It's just I always have "ideas" about myself, why I am like this and how I should feel that often prove false and it's usually other people that tell me how I feel.
This is so typical that it honestly is like a running joke.


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

jetser said:


> I mean I was never a Feeler but I've just realized that unless I'm drunk or something I can't talk about my feelings.
> It's like they don't exist. In the meantime I listen to songs that make me realize that I have those feelings.
> But how to communicate them?



Yeah, I kind of lack the language to express my feelings too. I've even considered whether I have alexithymia, a condition where one is aware that they have feelings, but has difficulty identifying them. The primal ones are easy: Anger, Fear, Sadness, Lust but other than that, all the nuanced feelings, I'm really at a loss at how to define them. I often feel like a detached observer in my own life. 









For people with alexithymia, emotions are a mystery


One in 10 people struggle to recognize their emotions. New research suggests a vital link between our ability to sense our physical bodies and knowing how we feel.




www.spectrumnews.org


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Yeah, I kind of lack the language to express my feelings too. I've even considered whether I have alexithymia, a condition where one is aware that they have feelings, but has difficulty identifying them. The primal ones are easy: Anger, Fear, Sadness, Lust but other than that, all the nuanced feelings, I'm really at a loss at how to define them. I often feel like a detached observer in my own life.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I call it Fi blindspot but I'm a huge believer of functions..
and seeing that you're ENTP that would make sense too.


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

jetser said:


> I call it Fi blindspot but I'm a huge believer of functions..
> and seeing that you're ENTP that would make sense too.


I can generally get a sense of feelings in others, just not myself. I think it is because I suffered from serious anxiety as a child I had a lot of crap going on and I never felt safe.


----------



## dchaox (May 8, 2021)

jetser said:


> I mean I was never a Feeler but I've just realized that unless I'm drunk or something I can't talk about my feelings.
> It's like they don't exist. In the meantime I listen to songs that make me realize that I have those feelings.
> But how to communicate them?


LOL same, Im also surrounded by Feeler friends so it's hard to navigate. But I've learned a fair amount of things about feelings, and it is important to explore around that.


----------



## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Fe types sometimes experience what you're experiencing because they're so attuned to their emotional environment that they have difficulties knowing how they personally feel or what they want.


----------



## superloco3000 (Dec 15, 2017)

jetser said:


> I feel that the best way to describe my feelings is through music.
> And it often happens without my realization. Like I don't know why I like that select piece of music but it somehow describes me.
> Usually it involves other people, yes. Not necessarily.
> 
> It's usually a state I remember from somewhere. But I forgot about it and forgot it to communicate.


Are you inferior Fe ? Then it is unconscious ... It is the anima or the moon if you are a man, It must be integrated into the personality.
Music is a psychic projection on matter ( unconscious ) just as witches or magicians have rituals , Music is magic.

The integration allows that there is no conflict with the conscious, or so they say xD.


----------

