# Being an Sx 458 and hating yourself so much as a physical specimen



## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

I am an Sx/Sp 458.

Essentially, the 458 tritype is very in touch with certain brutal truths of human nature.

As a man, I have come to realize the truth, that the physical warrior is superior. That a man who has the physical genetics is essentially above other men, and there's nothing those other men can do about it.

As an sx4 as well, insecurity about my own desirability (even though I am not a physically unattractive guy) has plagued me my whole adult life.

As I am getting deeper in the biological truth, I can't help but loathe my 5'8-5'9 frame. I can see that no matter what I do, I will never be in the realm of a physically superior man. I will be seen as weak by this brutal society, and by women. 

I am a talented artist and I want to actualize my talents, but my feelings of patheticness and self loathing overwhelm me. I keep thinking 'what's the point? God made me physically inferior to the real alpha males out there. Nobody cares what I have to say'.

From an enneageam perspective (a 4 integrating to 1), and a 458 perspective, how do I overcome this?


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

I don't know about the 4 integrating to 1 (I think it's arbitrary to say that this line is integration and that line is disintegration). I also don't know about the 458 perspective (I think Tritype is arbitrary to say pick one type from each center).

However, the passion and virtue may be useful here. In Ichazo's take, the passion (envy) arises because the virtue (equanimity) is lacking.

Envy for type 4 often involves a negative comparison: comparing the positive in others with the negative in the self. This gives a skewed perspective on the self because you will always see yourself as less than.

Equanimity for type 4 is about a balanced comparison: sometimes comparing the positive in others with the negative in the self but equally comparing the positive in the self with the negative in others. This gives you a more realistic perspective and opportunity to focus on what you have instead of only what you don't have.


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## Anunnaki Spirit (Mar 23, 2018)

Don't know if there will be much help after all we as men are despised in woke society today and most people in general are more or less cut from the same block so the rarer types are left with very little or no support. I find the human experience to be disappointing and wanting in most aspects.


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

I agree, but society can't keep going on the way it is. I live in a far leftist Anglosphere city, and the hostility women show men today for no reason whatsoever is unbelievable.

I think western women have lost all respect for western men, for giving them absolute control over society. Women seem deeply unhappy at their shift jobs.

I think my purpose will be to strengthen myself as a man for the future, because I think something will happen in the next 5 years regarding a big change in society/culture.



Anunnaki Spirit said:


> Don't know if there will be much help after all we as men are despised in woke society today and most people in general are more or less cut from the same block so the rarer types are left with very little or no support. I find the human experience to be disappointing and wanting in most aspects.


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Yes, you are very correct that a lack of equanimity contributes to the hyper envy.

Two things give me equanimity- muscle building and reading/writing fiction. I had gotten away from the latter for the last few months, but have gotten back to it in recent days, and starting to feel more balanced.

Great thing about fiction is that is shows that all humans go through great struggle, and life is about moving forward despite the situations thrown at you. 



enneathusiast said:


> I don't know about the 4 integrating to 1 (I think it's arbitrary to say that this line is integration and that line is disintegration). I also don't know about the 458 perspective (I think Tritype is arbitrary to say pick one type from each center).
> 
> However, the passion and virtue may be useful here. In Ichazo's take, the passion (envy) arises because the virtue (equanimity) is lacking.
> 
> ...


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

rohan89 said:


> I am an Sx/Sp 458.
> 
> Essentially, the 458 tritype is very in touch with certain brutal truths of human nature.
> 
> ...


Hmm. Interesting. I don't know. I'm a So/Sx 5w6 584. I generally distract any self loathing I have with intellectual pursuits of one sort or another. I have also added regular exercise to the mix and inhabiting my body more has been especially good for me. 

My Mom is a 1w2 147 Sx/So and also an artist. She used her art to get through a great deal of her issues. Perhaps you could use your artistic expression similarly? Can you translate your feelings into something sensual? Art therapy can be highly useful, from what I hear. Lose yourself in the process without judging. Just let it flow. See what comes out the other side. The objective is to express the feelings through your art. Don't worry about whether it is good or not, just let it unfold.


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

@tanstaafl28
My friend, I didn't read your post until now, but you are highly prophetic!

I have undertaken a pretty strict weights regime and protein diet since posting this- feel a lot better about myself now.

Also, yes, have been writing poems and creating a lot- that helps.


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## burningsoul (Jun 23, 2012)

The german philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche was also the same tri-type as you. My wife is the same subtype too. But Nietzsche was a type 5 dominant and my wife is a type 8 dominant. I am a 4 with 468 tritype. I am not far away from you in the tritype. Having type 8 in the subtype makes that aggressive energy available to the individual which has seemed dangerous to me. They might as well grab me and throw me into the asylum for the radical nature of my thought and the passion in my expression. A 458 imo must have strong intellectual interests and pursuits. If you have not figured them out yet, you might as well begin and dedicate yourself thoroughly to them. There is something remarkable about your type that is hard to come out. But if you can work hard to bring it out it will be quite something. I might be wrong here, but I have heard that the originator of the enneagram principles Gurjieff was also a 458 tritype.


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Fantastic description my friend.

Yes, as an Sx 485 (I think the 8 comes right after the four for me, which makes me appear even more confrontational), I have very strong and extreme opinions.

I write about radical concepts that are far from politically correct.

I have become a very solitary person but that is ok with me.

One interesting thing about me is that as I've gotten older (I'm 31 now) my eyes have become a lot more intense and intimidating. There is a darkness in there that even shocks me when I look in the mirror.

Other people sometimes even react in a certain way to them. I certainly have a 'dark knight' or 'dark outsider' quality that has naturally come out.

I am getting a clearer vision as to where I am going personally, and am starting to develop some good habits.

Regarding your wife- wow, I haven't heard of too many female 845s. I imagine a female of this subtype is much more pleasant to be around because there isn't the same threat of violence that people perceive from a man who has such a dark mind.

Knowing how much I crave deep, intense intimacy, it must be a lot of fun to be married to her!



burningsoul said:


> The german philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche was also the same tri-type as you. My wife is the same subtype too. But Nietzsche was a type 5 dominant and my wife is a type 8 dominant. I am a 4 with 468 tritype. I am not far away from you in the tritype. Having type 8 in the subtype makes that aggressive energy available to the individual which has seemed dangerous to me. They might as well grab me and throw me into the asylum for the radical nature of my thought and the passion in my expression. A 458 imo must have strong intellectual interests and pursuits. If you have not figured them out yet, you might as well begin and dedicate yourself thoroughly to them. There is something remarkable about your type that is hard to come out. But if you can work hard to bring it out it will be quite something. I might be wrong here, but I have heard that the originator of the enneagram principles Gurjieff was also a 458 tritype.


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## Charus (May 31, 2017)

I can relate alot.

It also comes down to the problem of Work place or school that force you to stay up to late, not leaving you really time for free time and for exercises.


I come to home like at 4:00 from school, and some days I need to do some stuff like; Going out for a walk with my coach, either go to shop to buy stuff, take a shower, so you have to uphold some really shitty overly strict diets which is another word for "No fun allowed".

I'd like to go to a gym, like 2 or 3 times per week to do some extensive 1 a half or 2 hour exercise, but I cant do that because of above reasons.

And yeah I'm aware that schools have physical training, but they switched off to playing that shitty volleyball which doesn't really provide any proper exercise, since most of the game you just stand and watch for the ball, then they go like being completely dodgy "Ooooh man you can easily exercise at home", no buddy, give me proper exercise, I really don't give a shit about your volleyball games, boring or not... Fuckin 'physical training' my arse.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

(Assuming you are not a troll) - I suggest you stop listening to Jordan Peterson videos and the like, asap.

Just sayin'

Now, going with assumption that you are serious, I would suggest maybe you consider looking into a regular meditation and bodywork practice. Or any kind of psychotherapy, really. 

"Biological Truths" are just concepts, really. If you go far back in the history of Scientific knowledge you'll see that it is a constantly evolving phenomena, just like everything else. We live in a society that is pretty much ruled by a materialistic dogma that often results in the sort of Nihilism that pushed Nietzsche to throw himself and embrace the suffering of a horse. He was right about facing the abyss....but I believe he was likely not grounded enough to go further than that.

But, that's not the only way. You'll be okay :happy:


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Thanks for the reply man.
Yes I would recommend getting some exercise sessions in a few days a week. It really makes a difference 

I am lifting weights 4 times a week now and the next day after I really feel grounded in my physical power. It allows me to focus on other things.

I am lucky as I do not move around so much during the day, so I can eat a pretty strict diet and cook all my meals for myself.

When you get out of school it will be easier to manage your time.



Charus said:


> I can relate alot.
> 
> It also comes down to the problem of Work place or school that force you to stay up to late, not leaving you really time for free time and for exercises.
> 
> ...


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## Charus (May 31, 2017)

rohan89 said:


> Thanks for the reply man.
> Yes I would recommend getting some exercise sessions in a few days a week. It really makes a difference
> 
> I am lifting weights 4 times a week now and the next day after I really feel grounded in my physical power. It allows me to focus on other things.
> ...


I'm interested, do you also take a sprint run outside and work on your stomach muscles in addition for exercise? Because from what I know those are the best methods for eliminating fat.


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Hey man, yes I do ab exercises after my weight sessions.

I used to do sprint runs when I was in my early 20s, but now I am an old man (31 years old) so I just lift weights 4 times a weeks. 



Charus said:


> rohan89 said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks for the reply man.
> ...


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Thanks for the reply man.

I agree with you thar because of such a materialistic society, people look too much at the external and not the internal meaning.

As someone who has lived in Australia- probably the most hollow, shallow, empty and materialistic country on earth- my whole life, I have well and truly been influenced into this thinking.

I need to live by higher spiritual ideals while at the same time doing things to inhabitant body.

I have been lifting weights steadily the past 15 weeks, and that has been helping.

Starting to meditate very recently and that is helping too.

The ironic thing is that as I've gotten a lot healthier/in my body in recent times, I'm realizing that I'm pretty sure I've mistyped myself.

I am pretty sure I am a 487 rather than a 485. I have always felt that need for freedom of the mind to jump from topic to topic, rather than a focus on a field of expertise.

So I guess the premise of my thread (that my feeling were because I'm a 458) was bullshit. It's just that I was hoodwinked by this skin deep culture.



Kintsugi said:


> (Assuming you are not a troll) - I suggest you stop listening to Jordan Peterson videos and the like, asap.
> 
> Just sayin'
> 
> ...


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

@*rohan89*

With all due respect, what you do/don't identify with is irrelevant. Just focus on the inner work and the rest will reveal itself and unfold when it wants to.

As someone who gets stuck in the head/heart centre I can attest that anything to get you back in the body is a good thing. Go easy on yourself, life really isn't something to be taken so seriously....even your depth :laughing:

Happy travels! ^_^


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