# What Your Future Partner Ought To Know



## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

Master Mind said:


> I don't feel the need to continually fill the air with the sound of my voice. It often annoys me when people ask me what I'm thinking. Someone did that just yesterday, and I flatly responded, "None of your business." My head is the one place I will not allow intruders. When I was a child, my head was the one place I could go to escape what was going on around me, and it's still a personal refuge.


Likewise for me. If someone asks me what I'm thinking, I either get snippy or make up something because if I actually wanted to share what I was thinking of, I'd have told them in the first place. My head is mine and any perceived violations of that space will be taken poorly. 

I don't necessarily know that I can list twenty things but...

I am a private person and I will be private about our relationship. I don't want to kiss you or hold your hand in public not because I don't like you, but because our relationship is no one's business but ours. When no one else is around, have at it. 

Speaking of having at it, the best way to display your affection for me is to have sex with me. Have a lot of sex with me. Where's my hand? It's in your pants right now. Yep. 

Comfortable silences are golden.

Don't be offended that I don't really want to watch movies with you. If you want to spend time doing nothing with me, I'm all for it, but I'd rather listen to music or cuddle up together and read. Sitting through movies makes me antsy. 

I only hassle the people I like. 

I like cooking for people and I want to cook for you too. Shhh, don't tell anyone or I'll lose my reputation as a hardass.

If you want to give me a gift, I'd rather you made it for me. I think jewelry is overpriced and roses are cliché. Whittle me a stick or something.

Speaking of that, please have your own life with your own friends, interests and hobbies. The most interesting people are the ones who are interested in their own pursuits. I can't be your sole source of entertainment and conversation and you won't be mine. I want you to want me, I don't want you to need me. 

Firefly, BSG, Futurama or Stargate jokes are a quick way up my skirt.

Respect the fact that I am slow to trust and slow to open up. Relationships are a risky thing for me because they require that I go deeper with someone that I ever would with a regular friend. Once I am willing to really open up to you, you'll hear some very dark things. I don't expect you to have any insight or feedback, I just need you to listen and understand how these things have contributed to the person I have become.

On the subject of trust, if you break mine once, you will never be in the position to break it again. I will never break yours, that sort of thing is important to me.

If you make me laugh, you'll have my heart.

Feel free to watch porn, feel free to have sexual fantasies about others or ogle that barista with the nice tits every time you buy a latte. I'm not the thought police and I don't care as long as you don't tell me about it. There are things I neither need nor want to know about and those fall into that category. 

I hope you like travelling because I've still got three continents and 30+ countries left on my bucketlist. I can go without you of course, but it would be more fun with you.

I'm not going to have your children. This is not negotiable. 

Don't be overly protective of me, I can take care of myself and I do make decisions that involve taking calculated risks such as regular walks in the middle of the night with my dog and pepper spray. I'm going to keep on doing this whether you like it or not, so please just accept it. 

I like living alone. I'd like to live near you but not at the same address, this is not because I don't care about you but because I need my space.


----------



## TheseDays (Jun 11, 2012)

I _could_ type a list of ten things but I'm a basket case to say the least so here's one to scare every guy in the world away--
1. I have daddy issues.

There, I said it. haha


----------



## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

> Speaking of that, please have your own life with your own friends, interests and hobbies. The most interesting people are the ones who are interested in their own pursuits. I can't be your sole source of entertainment and conversation and you won't be mine. I want you to want me, I don't want you to need me.


I think I have a crush on you. :blushed:

Seriously though, biggest turn off EVER if a guy doesn't have a life of his own.


----------



## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

TheseDays said:


> I _could_ type a list of ten things but I'm a basket case to say the least so here's one to scare every guy in the world away--
> 1. I have daddy issues.
> 
> There, I said it. haha


That doesn't scare men away, they go for the girls with daddy issues


----------



## Adythiel (Jun 28, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> I think I have a crush on you. :blushed:
> 
> Seriously though, biggest turn off EVER if a guy doesn't have a life of his own.


I totally agree with you on this. It goes both ways. It is fine to share interests, it gives you something to do together. But not spending any time apart is truly unhealthy. Constant communication also drives me nuts. How the hell am I supposed to miss you if I am always talking to you? Geez lady, give me a chance to actually miss you.


----------



## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Adythiel said:


> I totally agree with you on this. It goes both ways. It is fine to share interests, it gives you something to do together. But not spending any time apart is truly unhealthy. Constant communication also drives me nuts. How the hell am I supposed to miss you if I am always talking to you? Geez lady, give me a chance to actually miss you.


Agreed, I like my time alone and my time with family/friends. I tend to feel very suffocated when in a relationship with someone who does nothing besides things revolving around _me_. It's just.. very unfulfilling, and quite unhealthy like you say. I like my man to have his own life, his own activities, so that I can actually miss him and still have things to share with him.


----------



## smrtrthnyou (Jul 15, 2012)

smrtrthnyou said:


> I am incapable of making a list of 20 anythings but I can sum mine up rather quickly.
> 
> Dear future person I have sex with and care about,
> 
> It is important to me to advise you of certain things before we partake in each others essence and further drive the nail of relational amazingness into the preverbal coffin of singleness. What I appear to be is both true and misleading. I can guarantee only a few things. You will never be bored. Your cardio vascular system will remain in good shape. Regardless of our socioeconomic status we will always have friends and food and shelter. I will always be a passionate man first, everything else second. I will never be normal, or steady but can be your rock in a way you may not be able to perceive just yet. I will continue to frighten you until we are dead, divorce only makes this worse that's why I say dead. This is a list of good things I think you ought to know but if you're making the conscious decision to be with me then you are probably aware that this is also a list of all of the bad things you need to know about me as well. If you leave me at any point I will completely understand, I have tried to leave myself more than a few times but it has proven to be more than I can handle. Oh, also I took five dollars out of your purse to buy cigarettes for joe. Remember we going fishing today? I know it's your mother's birthday but....well yeah whatever you know who I am.


Really, this didn't peak anyone's interest?


----------



## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

smrtrthnyou said:


> Really, this didn't peak anyone's interest?


Let's be honest here, the lack of cardiovascular danger was a real turn-off.


----------



## smrtrthnyou (Jul 15, 2012)

bromide said:


> Let's be honest here, the lack of cardiovascular danger was a real turn-off.


Lack of imagination. It always has to be about sex. Shameful really.


----------



## TheseDays (Jun 11, 2012)

jeffbobs said:


> That doesn't scare men away, they go for the girls with daddy issues


Not in my case and doubtfully a contributing factor for a healthy relationship. lol


----------



## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Nice thread. I'll reply in a bit.


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

You got it Boss


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

@TheseDays Don't worry. ALL Men have mommy issues. Besides, I bet @jeffbobs has manboobs. Hence his screen name. LOL! >.< *am I in trouble *


----------



## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> @_TheseDays_ Don't worry. ALL Men have mommy issues. Besides, I bet @_jeffbobs_ has manboobs. Hence his screen name. LOL! >.< *am I in trouble *


shhh not every knows about my truly resplendent man boobs


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

@_jeffbobs_ we're lucky this isn't after my morning coffee


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

@Ningsta Kitty this thread _is_ nice. I was actually able to show my list to my future partner. I think he was impressed that I came with an owner's manual. :wink:


----------



## Adythiel (Jun 28, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> @_Ningsta Kitty_ this thread _is_ nice. I was actually able to show my list to my future partner. I think he was impressed that I came with an owner's manual. :wink:


I wish everyone came with an owner's manual. That way there would be no ambiguity in what that person expects from me. And if the manual lists something I either cannot or will not do, that makes it even easier. Yes, I like directness and it is hard to get more direct than by providing an owner's manual.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Adythiel said:


> I wish everyone came with an owner's manual. That way there would be no ambiguity in what that person expects from me. And if the manual lists something I either cannot or will not do, that makes it even easier. Yes, I like directness and it is hard to get more direct than by providing an owner's manual.


Also, since I didn't write it with the intention of luring someone one or actually ever showing it to someone, there was quite a bit of honesty and openness in it. It really came from the heart. 

Not that I don't always speak from the heart, but I do have to censor. For instance, I would never post so openly about my sexual desires on an on-line dating site. I'd censor myself quite a bit in order to not attract the creepers. Also, there is a chance someone my modify their "likes" in order to make themselves more appealing to you and you've basically told them how to do it. 

However, once it is discovered there is mutual attraction and you trust someone enough, an "owner's manual" may not be such a bad idea.


----------



## Adythiel (Jun 28, 2012)

The owner's manual isn't given out at the onset, it is given once the person essentially becomes your "owner".  You always censor at the beginning. Especially women, as much as I hate to say this, since the majority of men are creepers. I very much agree with you.


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

@*pinkrasputin* Thank You SO Much!!! ) I am REALLY Enjoying reading them all!
Just goes to show just how many FANTASTIC PEOPLE Are out there! 
_*I really like yours too! we would Totally get along in person w/ so many people here!* _


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Master Mind said:


> Sorry. It happens. :sad:
> 
> That's a sign that I shouldn't post further in this thread.


Wow. My comment was supposed to be self-effacing on my end and give you props. How did you manage to turn that around?


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Wow. My comment was supposed to be self-effacing on my end and give you props. How did you manage to turn that around?


Sorry. It's just something I'm accustomed to offline when I'm out among people I interact with face-to-face. Sometimes I'll talk about something, and everyone's like, "WTF are you talking about?" There are times when I tire of always being made aware of the fact that I'm not what society considers "normal," and I figured I must have done it again here, which is what I meant by "it happens." Sorry.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Master Mind said:


> Sorry. It's just something I'm accustomed to offline when I'm out among people I interact with face-to-face. Sometimes I'll talk about something, and everyone's like, "WTF are you talking about?" There are times when I tire of always being made aware of the fact that I'm not what society considers "normal," and I figured I must have done it again here, which is what I meant by "it happens." Sorry.


Aw, I'm so sorry you have that history. I really didn't know. I'm an ENFP and I really don't see what "society considers" on a regular basis, if that helps. I'm sure if you were to ever meet me in person, you would understand that I'd find you exceptional as whatever you are at that exact moment. 

I feel sort of shitty I'm the reason you censored yourself. Totally not my intention. And even worse, an INTJ sharing themselves is like manna for me (and a lot of ENFPs).


----------



## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> *NOTE TO ALL MEN EVERYWHERE:
> *
> *NEVER* ... And I mean NEVER - Go into a woman's purse without DIRECT permission.
> If you ask where something is, and she says it is in her purse.
> ...


I didn't know this was a thing so I'm trying to imagine things that you would keep in your purse that would induce such intense anxiety if your SO were to fish around in it, here's what I've got:

-list of ex lovers rated by penis size and sexual abilities
-taxidermied mouse fetus collection
-naked photographs of 12 year old neighbor
-used condoms 
-heroin needles
-bag of baby teeth preserved from childhood
-bloody tampons
-a year's worth of toenail clippings


----------



## 29885 (Nov 29, 2011)

1. Expect me wanting to be physical alot. 
2. I'm not a habitual drinker. Alcohol has lost its charm, but once in a while I want to get smashed or stoned with my friends.
3. I'm a heavy sleeper, who snores and talks and laughs in his sleep. Don't expect me to be of much assistance during an air raid.
4. Randomness is common both in my humor, speech and behavior; things can seem far-fetched, out of context and outright silly at first, but really, in my head it all makes sense.
5. Half of the time I seem to be hard to figure out if I'm serious or not, sarcastic or not. I'm a joker, so the answer is in my eyes and lips - my pokerface is non-existant.
6. I am ambivalent and often a hypocrite. I can take five minutes to decide which cheese to buy and I can throw a minority joke one minute, and the next minute cringe in disgust when someone else tells one.
7. I'm somewhat narcissistic, but hide it pretty well. I don't look down on people, I just have an easy time discarding their views of me should they not apply well to my current philosophies.
8. I will probably smile like a fool if confronted with something I didn't even do, making me the main suspect.
9. Can't stand lists, but hey, this is me being a hypocrite. I guess I do this for the challenge.
10. I'm cheap and frugal, with no plans to change that.
11. I hate material clutter and useless decor in my living space, my walls are empty.
12. Meat is no longer on my menu, respect that.
13. If you are religions, don't preach or try to convert me - I'm agnostic and take values from eastern religions and philosophies.
14. I gravitate towards the left side of the political scale, but see myself also a liberal and supporter of green policy.
15. Obligations aren't my cup of tea. I'll probably drop a job I'm somewhat disliking as quick as I have enough savings to last for a good while. I would probably stay workless had I enough money.
16. Research is never-ending, stuff like history, psychology, biology, modern society, health, sexuality, sports, culture etc. are some subjects I enjoy discussing and delving more deeply into. In other words, I spend a lot of time in front of the PC or at the library.
17. Body hair and a beard/scruff are part of who I am, and it's not something I obsess about, neither about yours. I'm not going to emasculate myself cause your skin is delicate or you otherwise want me to. If so, you are probably better off with someone less hairy.
18. The idea of a core family sounds sweet, but in practice would spell doom for my well-being and sense of freedom. The current world is no place into which I'd like to bring new life.
19. Tolerance, open-mindedness, curiosity, honesty etc. need be words you are familiar with, both in theory and in practice.
20. I will be more comfortable in a place where I must put on more clothes, than sit in my underwear sweating like a roasting pig.
21. Sun-bathing is an idiotic practice, if you must do it, you'll be sure to find me in the nearest shade. Or at home, grieving your early departure caused by skin cancer.
22. I am faulty, but rest assured, I will never be unfaithful or consciously harm you in any way. That I'll do my outmost to keep us both sane and healthy, all within the boundries of common sense and ethics.


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Boss said:


> @Master Mind
> 
> I'd quite enjoy reading your list. I like thorough organized lists. TL;DR is a non-issue here.


Okay, don't say I didn't warn everyone though.


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Okay, I did it. I was completely honest and introspective, I tried to be comprehensive. I also know there's no way in hell I would ever actually show this to anyone. As it is, my anonymity is the only reason I'm posting this.

*60 Things My Future Partner Ought to Know*

*1.* This will be lengthy, but it's necessary to lay some background in order to shed some light on why I am that way I am. The first thing you need to understand about me is that I grew up in an unhealthy environment. My father was officially diagnosed with severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder (a diagnosis I had already given myself prior to the official diagnosis), was emotionally abusive and manipulative. He was a prominent person in the community, and many people were taken in and duped by him, because he was skilled at saying the right thing, and people were sucked in. As a child, it seemed to me that I was the only person to notice that something was wrong, and it irritated me that no one else—none of the adults with the power to do something which I as a child lacked—saw it. This was the crucible in which the person I came to be shaped.

I am vigilant against any and all attempts at manipulation. Do not ever try to manipulate me, as I recognize when it's happening. I warn others close to me when someone is trying to manipulate them, and those who are unbelieving end up finding out the hard way that I was right.

I am completely unimpressed by outward appearances. My father put on the right façade, said the right words and conned everyone because no one is willing to look beneath the surface. Because of this, I do not care about the public persona, the public face people put up. I know first hand that what people out there see is different from how they really are, or how they are behind closed doors. This is why I am so adamant about appearances.

As an adaptation, I made myself unreadable so that no one would be able to gain any information from me with which to manipulate me. I don't reveal emotion. What I'm thinking at any given moment is a mystery to those around me. People have commented on my poker face. (“NTs … seem rather cold and unemotional to other temperaments. They tend to control and hide their emotions behind an immobile facial stance….” – _Please Understand Me_, p. 86) I studied body language in order to completely control my own so that no one sees anything other than what I intend to be seen. Control became my preoccupation. Nothing about me that is observable is spontaneous. Everything is calculated. One thing people have commented on when they grab my arm or something is how stiff I am. That comes from maintaining constant control of myself, which has become habitual. Many have described me as "mysterious," and that's made some people uncomfortable. That's by design as well. I made sure to thoroughly cover all bases so that no one can know anything about me that I don't choose to reveal. My father hated the fact that he didn't know anything about me or my life, as I carefully controlled any and all information about myself. He tried to use my mother to get information about me that way he could pump her for information, but I saw through it. I made sure to provide nothing.

I made myself impregnable. This was necessary as a protection against the emotional abuse that my mother and siblings received. Had I not, then I would have chronically low self-esteem—as one of my siblings has to this day now as an adult, after the numerous attempts to tear me down and make me feel bad about myself. I was determined that no matter what was done, I would not let him get to me.[/B] *I* and *I alone* control how I feel. I placed myself beyond his or anyone's reach.

I had an excuse to become the same way—manipulative and emotionally abusive—because it's what I know. It's what I grew up around. That was my reality. After all, we're just products of our environments. But I did not. I knew that's not who I wanted to be. Nevertheless, I am still a product of my environment. For while these adaptations were necessary in order to survive to adulthood without emotional scars, they proved to be maladaptive as far as relationships are concerned. Since I was a child, I've observed that trusting in people was bad, and that confiding in people only gives them ammunition to use against you at a future date when it's so convenient. I saw my mother in tears after something she confided to her husband was thrown back in her face later, used as a weapon. This makes it difficult for me to confide in a partner, as I refuse to ever let that happen to me. Making myself impassive and unreadable also makes me an enigma to my partner. Making myself impervious to others works in an emotionally abusive environment, but doesn't work in a relationship. A relationship entails opening myself up to someone, which also makes me vulnerable. I have to care about what my partner says, which also gives them the ability to hurt me if they so desire. It means ceding control, something I've strived to maintain against malignant forces actively working to sabotage my life. So I'm a hard person to get to know. If that scares you away, I understand. I understand that most women would not care to wait as long as it would take, seeing it as more trouble than it's worth. After all, there are other men out there. I understand. (“Establishing a sexual or social relationship with an NT, especially introverted NTs, usually requires more investment of time and energy than with other types. … Often, types who are not NTs are unwilling to invest the time and energy required to relate to an NT.” – _Please Understand Me_, p. 88) But if you're willing to be patient, I'll do my best to make sure you won't regret it.

*2.* This is related to the above. Because it's hard for me to place trust in people, please don't betray it. My trust is hard to earn in the first place. I'd be mad at myself for being so stupid when I should have known better, after everything I've seen. For naïvely thinking it would "be different for me." It would make it even harder to earn my trust in the future, if possible at all. I'd like to be able to trust someone and just finally be able to relax, but all my personal observation and experience tells me that this is unrealistic. Secretly, this is one of the few things I hope to be proven wrong about.

*3.*Anything you tell me in confidence goes into The Vault, and will not be repeated to another living soul. You can tell me anything and rest secure that anything you tell me will never go beyond the two of us. It will go with me to my grave. I would also appreciate not disclosing anything I tell you to anyone else. If I wished someone else to know something, I would have told them myself. My telling you something personal about myself does not give you permission to pass that on to anyone else.

*4.* Once you come to know me, you'lI find that I joke and banter. It doesn't mean that I'm "being mean" to you or "picking on you." It's actually a good sign, because it means I'm comfortable around you. You should be able to give as well as get. I can take it, as well as dish out more. 

*5.* Once I've gotten to the point where I've lowered my walls for you, do not then expect that I will be the same way I am to you toward your friends as well. I don't know them, so they're at that exact same place you were before I knew you. I'm not as open around people I don't know as I am around you. Refer back to #1.

*6.*Things that you say in passing, I'll remember. When we're out somewhere and I notice you looking at something that's got your attention, I'll make a mental note of it and get it for you if I'm financially able to do so. I like the look on your face when you see that thing you wanted is now yours. Yes, I was paying attention. I like seeing you happy. I like doing things that make you happy.

*7.* I don't really care for material things. If I've gotten you something, don't feel you have to reciprocate. In all honesty, there aren't many things that I "want" anyway. All I want is you.

*8.* Just a warning: I don't really care for Valentine's Day. I don't like the idea of one special day of the year where you're supposed to "show your partner how much you care about them." You should be doing that every day, not just 1 out of 365. It's all about commercialism and consumerism. You'll know how much I care about you through the whole year.

*9.* If I'm with you, understand that you're the only woman for me. I'm not like all the guys you may be accustomed to. I don't look at or think about other women, fantasize about women at all, or ogle women. Just think about how long it took for you to get to know me. Do you really think I'd then be interested in some other woman? There is no threat to you.

*10.* Related to above, I don't cheat. Ever. It literally wouldn't even occur to me to do so. If at any time you lose your feelings for me and don't care about me the same way, just tell me. I will respect your honesty, and you will be free to go on your way, and then you can openly be with whomever else is more to your liking without having to hide it or sneak around. At least we could end the relationship amicably, with no hard feelings. I'm a big boy, so I can handle it. If you cheat on me behind my back, though, the relationship is automatically over, as I have a one-strike policy as far as that is concerned. In this case, the break will not be amicable, and I will completely erase you from my life, and as far as I am concerned, you will cease to exist. If I were to ever cheat on you (which I will not), I expect you to get rid of me as well. Actions speak louder than words, and that action would prove that anything I may have said was a lie, and that I don't really care about you. I don't do double standards. I expect you to hold me to the same standard.

*11.* I'm of the old-school mindset that my word is my bond. If I say something, I'm going to do it. I'm always careful not to say something I can't be sure I can do. My father used to make grandiose promises which he never kept, and it became like the boy who cried wolf where I didn't even pay attention to what he said. (Actions speak louder than words.) That's why I'm particular about that. I've found that most people don't really think about it. During one of my moments of thought, I came to the conclusion that some people may genuinely believe what they say at the time, but that has no bearing on whether it's actually done, because many people live only in the moment, and words said during one moment are soon forgotten once the moment has passed and they're on to another moment.

*12.* I detest stereotypes. I loathe them. I constantly have to deal with them, and I've spent my entire life disproving them. Proving people wrong who had already pre-judged me without knowing a damn thing about me as a person. Do not stereotype me. Whether the stereotype be about race, gender, whatever, do not ever stereotype me. You will swiftly earn my disdain and contempt. I am an individual, and I am unlike anyone you've ever met. No generalization you have applies to me. I've had to deal with that crap for too long as it is, and I know I'll never be free of it until I'm dead. I sure as hell am not going to deal with it out in the world and then come back to it with my partner too.

*13.* I think a lot. Most of the time, I'm in my head. Don't ask me what I'm thinking about, because odds are, you don't really care to know, and it's just something you're asking because you're following the social script. Most people don't care about the things I think about, because they don't see any relevance to their everyday lives and everyday concerns. I'm told that I "think too much" or "overanalyze things." I think they think too little. I don't care about the common banalities they discuss, I couldn't care less about the latest rumor regarding some celebrity or some reality show. I frequent various online forums and message boards corresponding to various interests, because they're the only place I can go where I can actually have real, serious conversations with others. If you ask me what I'm thinking about, and I actually decide to tell you (which wont always happen) and you're actually genuinely interested, at first I'll be taken aback, but then I'll probably start excitedly talking. I'll warn you in advance that it's probably something I've written about, researched, and have journals and studies on, so I can talk about it for a while. I'll love you, because I can never talk to anyone face-to-face about what I'm thinking. I would love to actually have a sounding board I could discuss things I think about, share things I've learned and explore new ideas with. But if you just shut me down, then you're rejecting me, and I won't be sharing my thoughts with you in the future, because I won't bother you with them.

*14.* I like to debate. I do so frequently on various venues, and I'm good at it. If I speak about something, I only do so on what I know, and I usually have sources readily on hand to refer to whenever I need to. So it's probably not a good idea to try to engage me in debate unless you know what you're doing. Most people don't know how to do it. And please don't ever tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. The last two people who did that had their feelings hurt. I speak purely from the facts, and if others don't, then I eviscerate them. It's one of the things in which I can be ruthless. It amuses me when people get emotional over it, and sometimes I deliberately push people's buttons just because it's so easy to get them to react. If you don't control yourself, then you leave it in the hands of others. Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT true that "an opinion can't be wrong." And while it's true that everyone is entitled to their opinion, it doesn't mean anything if it's uninformed. If I know nothing about nuclear physics, then what possible worth would my opinion on the subject have? I reserve judgment on any subject I don't know until I know enough to be able to form an informed opinion.

*15.* While I know a lot, I don't know everything. I don't pretend to. I'm always looking to expand my knowledge base. I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge which will not be abated as long as I continue to draw breath. Learning doesn’t stop in the classroom for me. I like learning something new, and I hope to be able to learn from you. I like when you challenge me. And I won't be intimidated if you know something I don't. If you introduce something to me that I don't know, I'll probably spend the foreseeable future finding out everything I can about it in order to be able to talk with you about it knowledgeably. I'm a philosopher in the truest sense of the word: _philo_ ("loving, liking, having a predilection for") + _sophia_ ("wisdom"), i.e., "lover of wisdom," or "lover of knowledge. "

16. Related to the above, I have a flash drive on which I organize all my knowledge. I have folders arranged by category in which there are subfolders on subjects which fall within the bigger category. For instance, there's a folder labeled "Science," in which there is a folder labeled "Social Sciences,” in which there is a subfolder labeled "Sociology,” in which are the subfolders "Social Stratification," "Sociology of Deviance," "Sociology of Gender," etc. I am a polymath with a wide range of interests which include psychology, sociology, anthropology, literature, gender studies, ethnic studies, philosophy, history, religion, sexuality, and I'm dabbling in physics with some books on string theory on my bookshelf that I will get to. All of these have their own folders arranged in the appropriate category. I hoard information and then categorize it as well, fitting it where it goes. And so I have a database from which I can pull any information I need. I have journal articles, studies, sections of books which I've copied to add to my storehouse of knowledge and am continually adding to. I like finding connections between things in different subjects and how they're all linked together. Do not call me a nerd or any such pejorative label. If you have any anti-intellectualist tendencies, then we're not going to work out, so it's pointless to continue.

*17.* Because of #14, I have been labeled "arrogant," and others think I’m an a-hole. I am not arrogant, because arrogance is "the assertion of unwarrantable claims in respect of one’s importance; undue assumption of dignity, authority, or knowledge." I do not assert unwarrantable claims, nor do I overestimate any qualities I possess. Others say I act like I’m some all-knowing guru, which I’m not and don’t, because I freely admit I don’t know everything, and don’t pretend to know what I do not. Because I speak solely on what I actually know, I’m always speaking from a position of knowledge. As for the latter charge, perhaps that is true at times. I don't care what people think of me and I'm not looking to make everyone like me. But you are in the safe zone. You see a side of me that everyone else is not privy to.

*18.* I am an introvert, and as such, I require my time alone. I've never cohabitated with anyone I've been in a relationship with, because I need my own space. One woman wanted us to move in together, but I didn't want to give up my space. Additionally, in the event of an argument, I wouldn't be able to come back to my own place. I also don't trust people when they're mad, because some people when emotional do things specifically to get back at you. If I were to come back to find some personal property of mine destroyed or missing, it would be the immediate end of the relationship. I'm not going to spend every waking moment with you. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy our time together, but I don't seek to monopolize _all_ your time. 

*19.* Related to the above, I don't want to be your whole world, as that would be creepy and unhealthy. I want to be someone you want to share your world _with_. There’s a difference.

*20.* You don't need to feign interest in my interests. You're not going to be interested in everything I'm interested in, and vice versa. It's okay.

*21.* I'm a frequent user of sarcasm. Don't be offended or take it personal.

*22.* I'm not a happy, smiley person. Growing up, there wasn't much to smile about. I had no childhood, not having the luxury of being able to do what "normal" kids do. People always thought I was older than I was, which was because I had to grow up early. So my default state is unsmiling. So don't tell me I need to smile more, as I get tired of hearing it from people. But you _can_ feel free to put a smile on my face. I can also be cynical at times, which is due to #1. Bear with me.

*23.* I don't like talking about my past. Most people have happy memories they cherish and fondly look back on. I don't. Most people wouldn't believe the things I've been through, nor would they understand it, as my experience hardly qualifies as "normal." I've only actually told one person about it, and that was only after eight years of knowing me. So I'm not going to be talking about my childhood or anything, and please respect that and don't push it. I know I'm not "normal," and nor was my experience, and I will not be secretly judged by people. I don't need anyone's pity either.

*24.* While I like doing things for you and making you happy, don't ever take me for granted. I've found that I can't do too much for people because they eventually get complacent and what I do comes to be "expected." I don't have to do what I do, I do it because I want to. If you take me for granted, then I will no longer want to. Because of #1, I will not be taken advantage of. Don't ever mistake my kindness for weakness. I am not a pushover.

*25.* I don't like arguing. I heard my parents do it growing up, and I hated it. I also hated even more when my father would drag us into it and make us choose sides. That was between them. He had no right to drag me into it, and then I had no choice but to just go along with him because he was in control of the household. I'm not going to do it with my partner the way my father did with my mother. I can't control what anyone else does, but I can control my own actions, and since it takes two, if I don't, then it won't happen. I'll just leave the situation and talk a walk or something. Nothing constructive gets accomplished when people are emotional, and people often say things they later regret. (“NTs love to spar over ideas and theories, but conflict on a personal level … is something NTs find destructive, and they will walk away from this kind of interaction, putting whatever psychological distance is needed between themselves and a cross, coercive mate.” – _Please Understand Me II_, pp. 247-48) I'm not a person of impulse, I'm a person of calculation. I'm the type of person who would do something in cold blood, deliberate and premeditated, not in the heat of passion. I feel it's my responsibility to be the cooler head.

*26.* I take responsibility for everything. No one can "make" me do anything short of putting a gun to my head. Since I cannot control what someone else does, I feel that it's my responsibility to be the bigger man if necessary. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Also, I will always blame myself. If someone betrays my trust, I won't be mad at them for betraying my trust, I'll be mad at myself for being stupid enough to let my guard down and put myself in a position to be betrayed in the first place. I should have known better considering everything I know. As Leonardo da Vinci said, "He who never puts his trust in any man will never be deceived." To me, anything that goes wrong is my fault. I will not point the finger at or blame anyone else but me.

*27.* Related to the above, I am my own worst critic. No one is harder on myself than I am. That's because I'm the only one in my own head and the only one with total knowledge of myself. I berate myself for any mistakes—for instance, I still kick myself for a particular mistake I made five years ago. It's all filed away in my mental filing cabinet, and I make sure not to repeat mistakes. (“The NT is never willing to repeat an error. He is impatient with his initial mistake; to repeat such a behavior is anathema.” – _Please Understand Me_, p. 55) So no matter what you say to me, I'm harder on myself than you will ever be. Because I'm the only critic with complete knowledge of every failing, every shortcoming ever. (“The NT is the most self-critical of all the styles. He badgers himself about his errors ….” – _Please Understand Me_, p. 49)

*28.* I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I would prefer you not do the first, but the last two are not optional. The first time I was exposed to the concept of death was when I was little, when an older cousin who used to visit all the time had lung cancer. My mother then had to try to explain to me why he never came around anymore and why he would not be coming around again in the future. I don't want to go through you slowly dying of lung cancer. _You're_ supposed to outlive _me_. 

I've dated a smoker before (I didn't know she was a smoker beforehand), and kissing her did not taste good. Her place smelled like smoke when I went there, and she always had to open the windows to air out the place before I came over, as I don't like cigarette smoke. I'm sure it was a hassle for her, and the smell of cigarette smoke and the mouth of someone who's smoke are disagreeable to me, as well as the concern of getting cancer from secondhand smoke when I don't smoke myself and thus have not agreed to any potential risks, so it's not something I care to do again. Live and learn. I've also seen drugs ruin people's lives, including that of a friend of mine. Not interested.

*29.* I'm not a bar or club-goer, as it isn't really my scene.

*30.* Compliments make me feel awkward, and I don't know what to say or how to react. I'm more used to being criticized, so I'm more accustomed to people saying something negative about me. That's familiar to me; I don't let what people say get to me and I like proving that they don't know what they're talking about. Compliments however, catch me off guard. Don't make fun of me if I'm not as composed as I usually am.

*31.* I don't like talking on the phone. I primarily use it for internet or texting. I had a bad experience with a woman I was in a relationship with, where she just hung up the phone on me, wouldn't answer the phone, and there were times when I called and a friend of hers answered, I could hear her voice in the background saying to tell me she wasn't there. So I said the hell with it. People disrespect you on the phone because you're not there in person. Other times people want you to call them, but then multitask when they're on the phone with you, and I can hear them doing other stuff as well, because evidently I don't warrant their full attention. Or when I call them and while talking to them, they tell me to hold on because they have a phone call. Wait… don't you _already_ have a phone call? So, yeah, I don't like how people are on the phone, so I don't usually communicate with it. If I'm going to talk to someone, I prefer face-to-face.

*32.* I write a lot. It's therapeutic for me. Since I don't confide in people, I just write. I know that keeping things in is unhealthy, and I have a cancer-prone personality due to my propensity to hold things in. But studies have shown that _writing_ one's thoughts is healthy and has a beneficial effect. So I can disclose my thoughts on paper (or on a Word document file) and still receive the health benefits from confiding. Oftentimes during the day I'll open memos on my phone to write down a thought I've just had. Related to #14, I'll often have a Word document computer file open in which I'm writing down the latest thing that I've learned, figuring out where I stand on it and incorporating it into my worldview. I don't always want you to see what I've written. If I do, I'll show you.

*33.* Related to thinking a lot (#13), I'm very introspective. Also related to the above, I've written what is the ultimate guide to me, in which I've thoroughly analyzed every aspect of myself, life events that have shaped who I am, my personality and temperament through the filter of over a half dozen psychological perspectives, my world view and life philosophy, and thoughts about just about everything. I've written it as a psychobiography/case study and regularly update it when new things happen or I'm sorting out my views on something new. It's absolutely everything no one knows about me. Yeah, I'm the most introspective person you'll ever know, and I'll venture that no one knows themselves as well as I know myself. I've been asked if I would ever let anyone read it, but I don't expect that any other eyes will see it as long as I'm alive. After that point, of course, I can no longer control what happens, but no one would know where it is or even care. I don't know that I will ever show you, because it would be awkward for everything about me to be laid bare for someone to judge, and I'm already quite aware that I am a deviant from the "norm."

*34.* I like to read. I have lots of books. I regularly go to used book stores and library sales and get more books. There's a library sale next month which I will be at. There will be bookshelves with lots and lots of books. I will get books on whatever happens to be the subject of my interest at the time. I will get books to be able to refer to them later when I have need of them. That's one reason why I know so much. If I won't spend money on anything else for myself, I'll spend it on books. If books are boring to you, which would by extension make me a boring person, then it's not going to work out.

*35.* Due to the above and #32, I have an extensive vocabulary. I sometimes use big words in my speech, but I'm not doing it to show off, it's just natural to me. Consequently, sometimes things I say go right over people's head. I have a dictionary and three thesauri, so feel free to use them when necessary. The last time I told a woman I have sesquipedalian tendencies, she just stared at me cluelessly. People have complained that I "use words no one would use." I will not dumb myself down, so you need to step your game up.

*36.* As mentioned in #33, I know that I'm a deviant from the "norm." I'm "different." I've been aware of that since I was a little kid. I can be out in a crowd of people and still feel alone. But I don't let it bother me, because I don't let the thoughts of others get to me. So one thing I ask of you, is please don't make me feel like I'm different when I'm with you. You're the person I've lowered my walls to, who I actually let see who I really am rather than what I put out to be seen. If I feel like an alien around _you too_, then inwardly I'll be depressed, though outwardly I'll try not to let you see it. Because you're the one person I hope likes me for who am I, and for whom who I am is good enough. I'd feel depressed because, while I know I'm someone society considers a deviant, I don't care what they think. But I do care what you think about me. And so that would affect me as no one else could.

*37.* Related to above, I think I'm afraid deep down that after letting you see who I am, that that person isn't someone you'll like. I think I would prefer people who don't know me being uncomfortable around me, feeling intimidated by me, etc., rather than someone I reveal myself to not liking what they see

*38.* Oftentimes appropriate song lyrics will randomly come to my head that fit a particular situation. It's a quirk of mine.

*39.* Speaking of which, music is important to me. It's always been there for me when people haven't. I can play something that expresses my current mood, or use it to change my mood to a desired state. I'm an album person (from the days when people actually listened to whole albums, not just one song), so if you're going to recommend something for me to listen to, I'm going to ask you what *album* I should listen to first. I'll be disappointed in you if you can't recommend an album of a favorite artist or someone you want me to check out.

*40.* I'm secure in my masculinity, so asking me to hold your purse won't mean anything to me, as it won't somehow "emasculate" me. Some women have found it amusing to ask me to do this, but then they didn't get the reaction they were either expecting or looking for. I also know that women use tampons, and if I'm out and you need me to get some for you, that's fine. I see no reason why it should make me feel embarrassed.

*41.* Speaking of "I see no reason why…," I'm a left-brained, analytical person, and so most of the time I'll talk about something in terms of logic and rationality. I'm just warning you now. When I see no logical reason for something, I'll probably disregard it, unconcerned with however many people have been socialized. Unfortunately, this seems to be a problem, as women have told me "you're coming from a logical standpoint, while us women are emotional." Sigh.

*42.* I'm tired of the "battle of the sexes."

*43.* I like being naked. If I'm at home, then I'm not wearing clothes since I have no reason for them in the privacy of my own home. It's a stress reliever for me. After keeping constant control of myself when I'm out, it's my way of finally being able to relax. (“[O]ne often experiences a sense of release and freedom in nudity. The need to maintain an appearance … is a restraint that inhibits the joy and spontaneity of the body. In the privacy of our homes, we all welcome the opportunity to relieve ourselves of this … burden by removing some of our clothing [Lowen 1968].”) I don't ever expect or require you to join me, but it's something you should accept. If you have a problem with nudity or are too conservative or think being nude is a "sin," then it's not going to work out. If you're one of those people who can't hear about anything concerning nudity without snickering, then I'm going to think you need to grow up. Everyone has a body beneath their clothes. The nudity taboo is irrational, and as there is no logical reason for it, I disregard it when I'm within my own four walls. It also provides motivation for me to never "let myself go." Nudity and exercise go hand-in-hand for me. I can't imagine ever having a paunch, and I will not let that happen.

*44.* Related to above, I also sleep naked. I don't even own any pajamas. Since I'm already covered by sheets when I'm in bed, it doesn’t make sense to me that I would also need to be covered a second time underneath.

*45.* Sometimes I like to walk at night. It promotes thinking (as if I needed to think anymore). It's cooler than it is during the day, and there are less people around. I like the night air.

*46.* I like to bicycle. It's another way of exercising.

*47.* Related to #32 and #34, I like word games. Scrabble, Jumbles, etc. I like Wheel of Fortune. If I ever got on that show, I would win money. One time they came here for tryouts and I went. Unfortunately, I didn't make it on stage, and I was bitter that while the contestants on stage were trying to figure out what the puzzle was, and the people around me in the crowd were trying to solve the puzzle, I already had the answer. Several times in annoyance when people around me were trying to figure out what it was, I said the puzzle, and then looked to see how long it took one of the people on the stage to get it. I should have been up there. But then, I'm probably not smiley or extroverted enough to be on television.

*48.* I'm not one for PDAs. I'm not going to do more than hold your hand or put an arm around your waist when we're out in public. Anything more is reserved for when we're behind closed doors.

*49.* I am affectionate when I have someone I care about. I deliberately play up being unapproachable, but secretly, I would like to be able to show a special someone my affection. That special someone happens to be you, and so you're going to be the recipient of all the love and affection I have to give. I just normally keep this deeply repressed, because I refuse to be one of those people who bemoan being single and indulge in self-pity, and I will not have my self-esteem be contingent upon having a significant other. I might randomly sneak up behind you on occasion and put my arms around you for no particular reason.

*50.* I want to learn massage—I mean actually give a real one, that way I can relieve your tension when you're stressed. It also doesn't hurt that it's a pretext for me to touch you.

*51.* Actions speak louder than words, so I might not say "I love you" as much as you'd like, but I will certainly show you through my actions that I do. I always tell women up front that if my actions ever don't show you that I care about you, then that should hold precedence over any words that were said. If my actions and words ever conflict, then always go with my actions. Too many people give people's actions a pass because they say the right things.

*52.* Don't ever disrespect me. I don't tolerate it in anyone. Don't ever curse me out, either. I don't care how mad you get.

*53.* I have a good sense of humor, and a silly side as well. Once I'm comfortable enough with you, you'll see it. I'm not serious _all_ of the time. It's probably the kid I was never allowed to be when I was actually that chronological age.

*54.* Don't be a yes-woman. I dislike sycophants. I don't want you to agree with everything I say just because I say it. Please have your own opinions. I don't want a Stepford significant other. I want a woman who has her own mind. Submissiveness is uninteresting to me. That's for a lackey or a subordinate, not a partner.

*55.* I don't need or want a maid. I can wash my own clothes and have been doing so since I was eight years old. I can fix myself something to eat if I get hungry, can clean up after myself, and will wash dishes. While this may be considered to be "a woman's role," I couldn't care less what society thinks gender roles should be. I don't expect you to cater to me.

*56.* I'm a stoic. I don't show when I'm hurt (either physically or emotionally), or when something's wrong with me, but just tough it out on my own. I figure it's my own burden to bear, and don't like bothering people with my problems. When there’s something physically wrong with me, I usually just go to sleep (if possible) in order to just let my body heal itself. I've been told that in a relationship, it _isn't_ my burden to bear alone, but my partner is there to alleviate the burden. It's something I have to work on, so I ask for your patience.

*57.* I hate seeing you sad. If there's anything I can do anything to alleviate your sadness, I'll do it. If there's nothing I can do but you just need me to be there for you, I will.

*58.* I will support whatever your ambitions are. I want you to succeed in whatever endeavor you set your mind to. I don't see myself as being in a competition with you, I see us as making our way through this thing called life together.

*59.* Since this is part of a relationship, I suppose I should address it. Everything related to this subject will just go here. Know that due to the time it will take to get to know me that it will be some time before sex enters the picture. (We'll both get tested before then to make sure we're both clean. Nothing personal, but it's necessary. Nothing's happening before I get the green light. And you need to be sure about me as well.) I can't say how long, as it will depend on how long it takes me to feel comfortable with you, but it wouldn't be before several months at the least. As I said in #1, if that's longer than you care to wait, I understand.

When I do get to that point, I've been told I'm a passionate lover. I am attentive, I love to please the woman I'm with. It turns me on to turn you on. I like discovering what you like, and I will mentally file it away and always remember it. I like kissing; I like foreplay. It's not just "what I have to do in order to get her ready for intercourse" for me. I genuinely enjoy it in and of itself. Sex to me is something to be enjoyed. There's no hurry, so let's savor it.

If I'm having sex with you, it means I'm completely comfortable with you by now. I like being playful, I like laughing, etc. Sex is fun. Let's enjoy ourselves and each other.

I like teasing. I do this outside the bedroom non-sexually, but I like to do it inside the bedroom as well.

I like giving oral sex. I'll take as long as you need, and you'll probably have enough before I do. I've performed cunnilingus for over an hour, and after one night my jaw was sore afterwards the next day, which made talking kind of a chore, but my girlfriend was very happy, which is the point. I love to please.

If you don't like giving oral sex, you don't have to do it just for me. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do.

To me, communication is important. Let me know what you like and what you don't. I can't read your mind or know unless you tell me. I know some women just expect their lovers to somehow just "know," but I'm not a mind-reader. I have no male ego in the bedroom, so you don't have to worry about that. It's not an ego thing with me. I don't claim to be the world's greatest lover, I'm just a man who's genuinely interested in your pleasure with a genuine desire to please you. I just want to know what you like, and if you don't like something, I won't do it.

Speaking of which, there are two things I won't do: I won't have anything to do with the anus and I don't do BDSM. Maybe some light bondage, blindfolds is a fantasy of mine, but none of the D&S and S&M stuff. One woman was into the dom-sub thing (which I wasn't aware of), and when she started barking orders at me, I was like _What… the hell?_  Uh-uh. Other than that, I'm pretty open-minded. I like going to the sexuality section of a bookstore, looking through some books, seeing what looks interesting or intriguing and then going back home to try it later. We might find something new that we like, or we may find out it's not our thing and look back and laugh about it later.

I like the sound of you experiencing pleasure and enjoying yourself. It's a turn on. It also lets me know I'm doing something right.  So don't hold back.

Don't ever fake it, though. If you're not feeling something, let me know. There's no point in wasting both our times.

Since I keep people at a distance at the time, sex is a way of connecting with another human being for me. I'm not a touchy-feely person and don't like people touching me, which is why I _do_ like being touched during sex. I like feeling your hands on my body, and feeling your caress. I like the feel of your soft, warm body against mine. I like showing you how much I care about you. I also like cuddling afterward, and will probably continue to caress you and kiss your neck if you don't mind. If you do, tell me. In the bedroom I'm the opposite of how I normally am out in the world. All walls are down. If I have my arms around you as we fall asleep, I'll move my bottom arm because otherwise it'll get numb. So when you feel me shifting, that's what I'm doing.

I know that you won't always be in the mood, so if you're not, just say so. I won't be offended. You're not my sex slave. I also don't want you to have sex with me solely for my benefit when you're not really interested. I've read about unwanted consensual sex, and read studies in which "women in established dating relationships ... believe that unwanted consensual sex is part of the give-and-take of a committed relationship" (Clements-Schreiber, Rempel, and Desmaris, 1998). It isn't as far as I'm concerned. If you don't want to have sex, we won't have sex. Just because we're together doesn't mean I have the right to access to your body whenever I want.

I don't do angry sex. If I'm upset with you, I'm not interested in having sex with you at the moment.

I said in #1, that you shouldn't ever try to manipulate me. This includes sexually. While I like having sex with you, sex isn't a *need* for me, so don't ever attempt to "punish" or manipulate me by withholding it. I’m capable of going without sex indefinitely—at the time of this writing, I've gone almost 7½ years since the last time I had sex. So any attempt to punish or manipulate me by withholding sex will backfire horribly. I can do without it, and no, it does not mean that I'm looking for it elsewhere—I'm not interested in sex with anyone else but you. I am by my very personality one who values not being overly attached to or dependent on anything. (“It is as if a Fiveʹs independence rests on being able to mentally note, I can do without that.” – _The Enneagram: Understanding Yourself and the Others in Your Life_, p. 230) I am not your stereotypical male you may be accustomed to, so please do not treat me as such. (This goes back to #12.) Just because I have a Y chromosome does not mean I can be manipulated through my penis. And it's illogical, since, presuming you like sex, you're just punishing yourself as well. So let's not play games and settle things like mature adults. Neither one of us actually wants to not have sex with each other.

Birth control is both of our responsibilities. If neither of us want children at the present moment, then it's both of our responsibilities to take the necessary precautions to ensure that no children result. I will always wear a condom. This is not negotiable. The burden doesn't fall solely upon you to take the pill. I would have no right to be upset with you if you got pregnant when I didn't wear a condom and thus wasn't doing my own part. It's not like I have nothing to do with your getting pregnant.

Oh, yeah. I'm not any of the guys you've been with before me, just as you're not any of the women I've been with before you. I don't want to hear about what a previous lover(s) liked when we're together. I mention this because it actually happened before where a woman said "but all the other guys I've been with liked it" after I said I didn't like something, and it annoyed me. Everyone is not the same. Different people like different things. Please don't generalize that any past experience will also be the true of me. I know that you're a unique woman with her own desires and preferences. Let's find other what we like together. That's part of the fun, isn't it? 

To sum, the bedroom should be a safe place where we can be totally relaxed and comfortable with each other, uninhibited, and free to express and explore our sexuality without fear or judgment.

*60.* Okay, I've now tripled what the original number was supposed to be, so I'll wrap it up as this is far more than anyone would care to know. Deep down, buried and locked away, I'd like someone to love who also loves me. Who loves me for me, with whom I can share life with, grow with, grow old with. I've been let down and disappointed so many times that I've lost my faith in people. Unfortunately, I've seen the worst of people, and that's the frame of reference from which I see the world. As previously aforementioned (#37), I listen to music as a reflection of my mood. There are times when listening to Mary J. Blige that her song "Be Happy" resonates with me (as also aforementioned, song lyrics often come to mind that are appropriate for a particular situation):

_All I really want, is to be happy
And to find a love that's mine, it would be so sweet
All I really want, is to be happy
And to find a love that's mine, it would be so sweet_

But the realist in me knows there isn't any to be found for people like me; which is why I keep this sentiment deeply repressed. Sometimes when I see couples together, the thought briefly flickers through my head how come there's someone for everyone except me. Even losers and guys who mistreat their women have someone. The irony is that in college women would say that I would make a good husband. Then I'll get mad at myself for what I perceive to be moments of weakness when it comes to the surface. I'm disgusted with myself because it sounds like self-pity, and I will not do that. I will never allow myself to be one of those people who whine about not having anyone. _Que sera, sera_. Whatever will be, will be. So I savagely stomp it back down again and turn my thoughts to something else or put on some music to get my mind right .

_All I really want, is for me to be happy
All I really want, is for me to be happy 
All I really want, is for me to be happy
All I really want, is for me to be happy…_


This has been one INTJ's list of things a hypothetical future partner ought to know. I warned that it would be TL; DR.


----------



## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@Master Mind

I am glad I asked. It's always an honour to witness forthright self-disclosure. You have put substantial time, effort and thought into this. I appreciate the honesty and lack of pretension there. It's good to see a man who is fiercely individualistic, ethical, pragmatic, responsible and the exact opposite of shallow. Your high levels of introspection and self-awareness will serve you well.


----------



## Alima (Mar 28, 2010)

I'm an animal lover. I couldn't be with someone who didn't at least like animals, or who was mean/abusive to them. I own horses, and I will own more once I can afford it. There's also a very big possibility that I'll buy a cow, goats, a donkey, maybe chickens. I'll also more than likely find stray cats and dogs, and bring them home. I don't plan on living in a zoo, but be prepared for animals in and around the house. 

I'm a vegetarian who is slowly becoming a vegan. I don't care if my partner is one or not, but I expect them to respect my decision for being one. I take it seriously because it's something I'm passionate about.

I don't want to say I hate cooking, but I really dislike it. I'm willing to cook meals for my partner though (even meat, diary, etc) if my partner is willing to cook vegan meals for me. I'm discovering that I do like to bake though, mainly cookies. So be prepared for lots and lots of cookies.

DO NOT expect me to cook every meal, clean the house, do the laundry, while you're sitting on your ass watching TV. My dad did this to my mom for years, and I hated it. We share the responsibilities. End of story.

I will need my daily alone time. Otherwise, I will become grumpy, agitated, quiet, and my death glare (also known as “The Look”) will appear and nobody wants that. 

Expect me to not wear makeup often, almost always have my hair up in a messy bun, and occasionally forget to shave my legs. It happens, get over it. I also don't really care about brand names, and I'm not afraid to get some dirt under my fingernails. Don't expect me to ever go tanning, get my nails done, or constantly dye/cut my hair. 

I'd like to say that I'm a neat person, but what happens is I put something down for a minute, plan on coming back for it, and forget about it. There's also a possibility that it will stay there for days until I either remember I should move it or until I get the urge to do something about it. Although, I will say that I do not like clutter or any useless trinkets, and I do regularly get rid of stuff that I either no longer need or want.

I'm not religious at all. Don't try to convert me, or push your beliefs on to me. It won't work, it'll just piss me off.

I'm strong-minded, opinionated, stubborn, and independent. I think I can do everything by myself even though I know I can't. I'll accept help once I've tried to do it myself multiple times and failed. I'm open to new opinions and ideas, but I'll research the crap out of it first before thinking about changing my mind.

My sense of humor is dry and sarcastic. Sometimes I get myself in trouble with it. 

I love watching scary movies, and I'll probably laugh through all the scary parts. I also love to watch classic Disney movies. I will become much more upset watching Mufasa die than while watching Leatherface cut someone apart with a chainsaw. There will be tears, and me saying “I hate you, Scar!” more than a few times. This is a side of myself that I literally don't share with anyone, so be happy you're special.

I'm a very guarded person, so it may take a while for me to become completely comfortable with you. 

I may be loud and crazy with you, but that's because I'm comfortable around you. Don't expect me to be talkative and joke around when I'm with people I've just met or barely know. I've worked with people on a daily basis for years, and I still don't say more than a few words each time I see them. It's just how I am.

Do not yell at me if you're angry, I'll just walk to the nearest room, and shut the door. I was a very quiet kid, and grew up in a quiet household. My parents never yelled at me or at each other. So when people yell at me or someone near me I just shut down, get tunnel vision, my throat gets tight making it hard to talk, and I have to walk away. 

I want us to be more than best friends. I want to know everything about you, and I want you to know everything about me. Even the things that we originally wouldn't dream of telling anybody about. I want to be able to talk to you about anything, and not feel like I'm being judged or criticized.


----------



## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

*Things My Partner Ought to Know*

[It's the first time I am compiling such a list, so this first draft will be rather _rough_. ]

1. You might look at my 'credentials' and assume that I am *high maintenance. This is not true*. 

Taking a closer look will tell you that I am a very earthy woman who loves simplicity, and I am the furthest thing from "high maintenance". I respect my body, and I take good care of it. But, I will not go out of my way to doll myself up for you. I can turn on the glamour for an event/party, but expect to see me without a speck of make up much of the time. My 'standards' of beauty revolve around health and comfort, and I do not subscribe to or care for an arbitrary beauty ideal.

2. On a related note, you need to be *size positive* or I will not date you.

I will not stand an ounce of sizeism and superficiality, not towards myself, not towards anyone else. I refuse to be objectified and dehumanized. I will never judge you for your appearance, though, if you were to follow an unhealthy lifestyle and it was impacting your well being, I'd do my best to encourage you to make positive changes. And, I will expect you to take responsibility for yourself at all times. I want you to outlive me. And god damn, I am not dying anytime before 80. 

3. I don't care for how much you earn, one bit. I don't. *I do, however, require that you be passionate about what you do and be fiscally responsible (not filthy rich).* 

I want you to have drive I am financially independent, and 10 years down the line, I will be in an even better place financially than I am now. But, it doesn't mean that I am looking for some socialite, with private planes, to add to my 'prestige' and fund my 'lifestyle'. I will any day marry a high school music teacher, if I were to fall in love with them. My partner is pursuing a doctorate, but I would've loved him just as much if he were an erudite taxi driver. 

4. To be honest,* I prefer a man who has risen above adversity.*

I do NOT do well with men who were born with silver spoons in their mouths, especially when they lack maturity and life experience. I can't respect them as partners. I come from a place destroyed by war and terrorism. I have experienced exile, poverty and large-scale violence. Compared to 95% of the population, I am a veteran at life. I couldn't possibly bond with someone who just couldn't make sense of my abnormal experiences and lacked the maturity to understand as well as honour my fiery spirit and my grotesque, proud history.

5. I don't believe in gender roles. *I am not traditionally feminine.* 

There is a small exception, and I will touch on it later. I assert myself readily. I am not aggressive interpersonally unless needed (and if you're an emotionally healthy and mature individual, this won't be needed), though I pursue my goals very aggressively. 

6. *It would be a mistake to assume that there's little to my personality* besides the dominant, successful powerhouse identity.

I have a heart. It's warm and vital. It's hidden underneath layers and layers of armouring. It's not easy to get to it. I don't let everyone get to it, but if you demonstrate to me that you deserve to be allowed inside my emotional world (and it will take time), you will find a woman that's warm, kind, sensitive, giving, affectionate and hopelessly romantic in her own awkward, quirky way. 

7. *I don't gloat about being an "intellectual".* I don't go around calling myself a scholar or waving intellectual snobbery in people's faces. I am grounded and down-to-earth. That said, keep in mind that my business acumen aside, I am a political scientist by training.

I could easily school you in political philosophy, Nuclear Politics, US Foreign Policy, EU politics , Middle-Eastern regional politics, Genocide Studies, Race Relations and a lot more. _Don't underestimate my capacity to introspect/philosophize/engage you in a discussion on politics/religion only because I am pursuing a career in business._ I've had some men assume that I was less informed about the world because of my professional goals and the fact that I don't name drop Schopenhauer, Kant, Mill and others every chance I get. Don't make that silly mistake. :wink:

I also have extremely strong opinions on social justice issues. I am a former activist. 

8. I said above that there is a slight exception to my unconventional gender identity.* I have a 'house-wifey' side* lol. 

I love cooking for my partner, and generally speaking, I love taking care of my house, keeping it clean and so on. I give great massages. I am emotionally detached (*read: *objective and rational, not insensitive) and the very opposite of smothering. Nothing will keep me from making your favourite dishes and preparing a warm bath for you, creating a relaxing and soothing environment for you, when I am having one of my "house wife" days. LOL. Though, I love to cook, so I will be cooking for you often. If you enjoy cooking as much as I do, please surprise me with my favourite dishes sometimes. It'll make me happy.

9. On that note, *the simplest of things make me happy*. 

Seeing you smile at me will please me. Getting a surprise hug will make me happy. *I take absolutely nothing for granted. *

10. I do expect you to respect my efforts, and *never take them for granted*. 

You will also be expected to help around the house, and you will be expected to pull some extra weight when I nearly drop dead from exhaustion. I am a workaholic. I will recover, and I will get back to being 'Superwoman' sooner than later. 

11. I want to *adopt* children (at least one). This is non negotiable.

12. *Don't ever suspect me of lying, certainly not without cause*. 

I will do my level best to be honest and forthright about all things. My mother was mentally ill, abusive and almost never believed a word I said. I was expected to provide "proof" for the smallest things. I was expected to explain myself repeatedly. I respond aggressively to any show of suspicion. I am NOT a suspicious woman. You have my trust until you prove you don't deserve it. I expect the same from you. I don't owe you explanations because your ex was a cheat or for any other reason. Resolve your trust issues before you set foot in a relationship with me. I will not handle your baggage. 

13. I am *strictly monogamous*.

I will leave you before I will cheat on you (which, I won't). I will not settle for anything less than committed monogamy. 

14. I will *not change my dietary habits *for anyone. 

You're free to be a vegan/vegetarian, but do NOT expect me to quit eating meat. My diet is about 90% vegetarian, and very healthy overall. I will go out of my way to accommodate you, but I will not put up with any direct or indirect preaching. 

You will be expected to sit face to face with me when I eat meat, and I will offer no apology for mine and demand no explanation for your choices. Never disrespect my space. Never ever ask me to store my fish etc. separately or act like my food is polluted/dirty and so on. I will cut you right out of my life, if I notice even an ounce of disrespect in this department. I've been with an intolerant veg*n before, and I want none of it ever again. 

15. My body is very sensitive. 

I orgasm easily from things as simple as foot massages, having my breasts stroked and so on. I could (and have had) an orgasm (discreet) in public. Please try not to exploit this outside the house. I might enjoy it or I might find it very embarrassing. At the very least, give me some advanced notice. I am not ashamed of my sexuality, but I can be a bit shy. 

16. On a related note, my body is also scarred in several places. *I am very attracted to physical imperfections*.

I find scars aesthetically pleasing, always have, long before I had my own. I will love, kiss and caress yours.

17. Have a *sense of humour*.

Mine is dark, extremely morbid, sarcastic and, at times, silly. I want our sense of humour to be compatible. I am very optimistic, and I love to laugh. I seem more serious than I really am, so you'll enjoy this side. 

I will add the rest later. It's time for bed, here.


----------



## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

This is such a fantastic idea! If I were to actually put any time and effort into writing one, it would be of the calibre of @Master Mind's post (I didn't read it, but I respect the level of thought you probably put in, and the willingness to share, even moreso).

I feel like this is the kind of thing partners should share at the beginning of a relationship. The seemingly tedious investment at the beginning will save much, MUCH more hassle in the long run. Self-awareness and communication thereof is absolutely key in relationships.


----------



## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

This is probably going to end up being a lot longer than I initially envisaged. If it does, such is life :tongue:.

1. I can talk. I mean, I can _really_ talk. If I'm interested in something, I will keep going until one of two things. Firstly, I exhaust my knowledge on the area, and can then think of no more to say, or you will tell me to shut up. Please do not be afraid to tell me you're not interested. I am not easily offended, my skin is thick enough to handle you telling me you're not interested in something. In fact, you might just win my undying admiration for your candour.

2. I will not judge you on your past. Believe it or not, I have one of those too, and I sure as hell don't need someone throwing elements of it in my face, and I extend that courtesy to all. No matter what you did before you met me I will listen patiently to all your victories and losses in your past, but if there're elements of your past that you've not forgiven yourself for, I can't absolve you, and I won't pretend to try.

3. You will notice that I talk a lot about the things I've read. This is because I spend much of my time reading things. If you don't find the stuff I talk about interesting at all, it's probably best that we call it a day. Unfortunately reading will be part of my professional and personal life for the foreseeable future.

4. I am ambitious. I don't want to make history in the conventional sense, but I do want to gain a modicum of respect and standing amongst my peers in my industry. I don't see the point of being in an industry if you don't want a minimum level of success in it. Whilst I'm not a workaholic either, I do have a schedule that can (and has) infuriated many a partner. If you do enter a relationship with me, don't say I didn't warn you about it.

5. I am not massively "masculine", and I do not believe in gender roles. If you are *genuinely* OK with that, I'll be happy. But if you present a facade whilst deep down longing for a protector archetype, seriously, save yourself an unfulfilling relationship. I really won't change.

6. I work in defence. Yes, defence. I will represent people who you may well despise, I will represent people who have done acts you find unconscionable. I do this because I have spent many years on the receiving end of exclusion. I do not exclude people, and I refuse to leave people who go into a dock under the (usually) disapproving eyes of the world alone. If you can't understand that motivation, then save yourself the arguments.

7. I have a love for all things culinary, and matters of the palate in general. Sorry, but if you're a teetotaller, I'd rather not be in a relationship with you. If only because I don't see you enjoying a lot of the things I enjoy with me. If on the other hand, you like people who experiment with dishes, and love a good red wine, well... you could do worse than me :wink:.

8. I am observant, and I care. By this I mean, I actually _listen_ to you. E.g. if we're sitting down and you mention something you've always wanted to see/read/hear; 90% of the time I'll have mentally logged it. I will then surprise you with it. There is no agenda behind this. I just pay attention to what people say, and I like making them happy. If the small pleasures are returned to me, I melt.

9. I am a complete, and thorough cynic. However, that is on the surface. If you actually ask me questions or scratch just below the surface, you might be surprised at what you find.

10. I have trust issues. I have trust issues for multiple reasons not limited to familial reasons, experience from prior relationships, and having been a rather unpopular child. So really, my trust will be earned over time. I'll still treat you with the utmost of respect, and I won't accuse without reason, I just won't invest all of myself into one person. It's nothing personal.

11. I'm not huge on children. I am willing to have one child, and we would need to come to a consensus over education provision between ourselves. I have a preference, but I am willing to negotiate this when the context and need arise.

12. Religion and I have decided that we're not great friends. I am not interested in raising a child in a religion. I am not converting to any religion. I believe in educating the child slowly (and impartially) about the world religions, and letting them make an informed decision. If they pick "no religion" or any religion, that decision is to be respected. I will not change my religious beliefs until a compelling argument is made for me to consider doing so.

13. When faced with a situation, I will always rather laugh than cry. I make light of most things, I do not mean to be offensive or facetious. I genuinely hope to get a chuckle, because I believe that once you've laughed at a problem, you're in a better state to tackle it than if you've been crying about the hopelessness of it all. E.g. I have an eye condition which could degenerate at any time leaving me blind or in dire need of new corneas, I find this funny. If you find it offensive to laugh at the dark, fucked up things humanity does, then again, you're _*so*_ not looking for me.

14. I don't handle excessive compliments well. If you're making me uncomfortable, it's rather obvious. There are time when it is acceptable to make me uncomfortable, but if I ask you to drop something, I'd appreciate it if that request was respected.

15. I am not a violent person. I have never been in a fight I started, and I do not threaten violence. Ever. If you are violent, I'm not interested. I would like my eventual house to be a violence free zone. Whatever disagreement we're having, whatever I have done to upset you, if you physically attack I will walk away from that relationship quicker'n you can blink. I promise you.

16. Leave me before you cheat on me. I don't do malicious cheating (I admit, I have cheated at monopoly before in my life), but malicious deceit is not my style. I'd rather it wasn't yours too .

17. I am fascinated by the dark, weird, twisted and macabre. That doesn't mean I'm only interested in that. I also love the elegant, simple, the understated.

18. Never ask me if I need you. I do not. I do not want to need you. 

19. Trust me. I won't ever cheat on you, I will leave you beforehand. I have a lot of female friends, don't get jealous about it. It's not going to change and I'm not the jealous type myself, so I could do without the drama.

20. I am interested in a genuine partnership, which I characterise as a teammate. Therefore, sauce for the goose will always be sauce for the gander. If I demand something of you and it is hypocritical of me to do so, you may point it out and I will back down and apologise.

21. I am not one who needs to be right. If we're debating something and I am wrong, and you show me as such, I will put my hands up and admit being wrong. If I have wronged you, I will apologise and do what I can to make amends. I expect that from a partner too. If you feel that 'women should always win disagreements' or any other thing which makes the idea that you might have transgressed incomprehensible to you, I'd rather you left me well alone really.


----------



## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

The only one fact any future partner should know is this:
- I have male friends. If you have a problem with me having a few long-time male friends, then let's not get involved. 

(Yes, I have awful past experiences regarding this matter, so forgive me for coming off rather hostile, but I'm not budging from this.)


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> "Most likely TL; DR," meant "Too Long; Didn't Read." When people find something to be too long, they'll reply to the post and say "tl; dr." Because for some reason they feel the need to reply to a post solely for the purpose of saying that they didn't read it.


 That is the second time I have been clueless to the abbreviations people use. To be honest, I started texting super late in comparison to most people. And while I do text, I'm not much of a phone person. Nor have I had much experience at all interacting w/ people on forums. This is the first really. I keep myself fairly secluded and feel kinda silly not knowing, but I'll catch on. And in time I'm sure I'll tone down (even out) here - still kinda in excited mode there is a place I can just kinda be "me" all creative, weird etc. I was raised in a stoic-ish family and their still important to me. In person people think I'm somewhat poised. So give me time to be less "all over the ball park" with how I'm interpreting things etc. My brain tends to be always in fast motion, especially when I'm excited happy. 




Master Mind said:


> My "20 Things My Future Partner Ought to Know" has become "38 Things My Future Partner Ought to Know," which is too long for people. I analyze myself thoroughly, and write in depth about what's in my head. I'm the chronicler of myself, so to speak.


 I'm happy you wrote it. I really really liked it  It inspired me to add a few more additions myself. Just know that your not the only one who analyzes themselves thoroughly and so on. Sometimes I get frustrated at the more ... idk, "Frasier" aspects of my personality. It's a love/hate thing 



Master Mind said:


> And I didn't "mind" about "the purse thing." I was just explaining that it wouldn't even occur to me to look through a woman's purse, and providing my rationale. Even aside from going through someone else's stuff, it's just logical to me to bring a woman's purse to her so she can immediately grab what she's looking for rather than me hunting through it to find something that I don't even know the location of. That's all.


Again, this is the first forum I'm on. I have had experience corresponding w/ people via e-mail, I love to write. But still not too smooth with communication at times. Understanding what someone meant nor with articulating what I mean. I'm super animated in person. And to make matters words, I'm half Italian. So we're talking super animated in expression WITH flying hands about. Ugh ... The pitfalls of communication lacking intonation :/


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

bromide said:


> I didn't know this was a thing so I'm trying to imagine things that you would keep in your purse that would induce such intense anxiety if your SO were to fish around in it, here's what I've got:
> 
> -list of ex lovers rated by penis size and sexual abilities
> -taxidermied mouse fetus collection
> ...


LOL! OMG! ... That was AWESOME!

I'm so bummed I'm in chill mode might I had come up w/ a blistering funny come back to that


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Things My Future Partner Ought To Know: Additions, (A List):

1. When I’m super excited or super nervous, I talk faster than normal Matchbox Man speed. I tend to get more excited than “normal” people over simple things, and get nervous about things "normal" people don't. In other words, I freak out _*Ahhh, the sky is falling!*_ over things people are all good with - and when people are freaking out _*Major life calamities*_ Meh, I'm all good. 

2. I do not do drugs or smoke and I know you won't either. This is not to say I haven't ever had the experience of smoking. One of my parents is an alcoholic. And while that person was an awesome amazing person, it was a painful experience to live with. So I have never been a drinker. I did however smoke a lot of gr..... and somehow managed to graduate high school early. I often wonder if life had been different, I might have done even better and gone off to college to be a genius or something stupid like that. 

3. I use sarcasm. Or rather, I'm facetious. I feel like sarcasm has an insecure (negative) connotation. But I do not think people who use it are necessarily. I tend to pick up ridiculous details and patterns which brings me to number 4.

4. I was trained in relationship developmental therapy and applied behavior analysis and am familiar w/ several other cognitive therapies for the purposes of raising my son. Your my partner so you probably know that by now. Because if you didn't. That would just be weird. In any case, that knowledge and insight coupled w/ my intuition created a monster which I feel I have tamed tremendously. I am still training myself and will continue to try, to the best of my ability, to ask permission to share things I am thinking, and if it's an okay time. Just know, I do not want to change you. I do not want to criticize. And I hope you are not passive, and strong enough to stand up to me to make me aware if I ever come off as haughty. 

5. I am obsessed with learning. I'm a veracious reader, and I can not wait till life brings me more time to do so. I will probably ask you to teach me stuff, and warn you now that I'm very inquisitive and may want to call you my se fu at times. Maybe even bite you on the shoulder if I'm smitten.

6. I am on the fence w/ having more children. They cost a lot. I'm in an amazing yet challenging parenting experience. I just want to be happy. This is all I want. We can always pester friends and family to have more babies so I get my baby fix.
I suppose this leads to number 7.

7. I was married really young to my high school sweet heart. And while that marriage wasn't perfect, I did have happy moments. He's passed on and it has been a really long time now. I've had some relationships since. I am not grieving and am young. Please don't make me feel like I can never talk about that person. Who I was then is so different than who I am now. I choose to cherish my memories. I suck the silver linings out of the bad and discard the carcass into the past. Don't be weird about memories or the past. Tomorrow is promised to no one. I just want to be happy and enjoy now. 

8. I am working really hard to establish a successful career for myself. Many aspects of this endeavor go against my ridiculous infj nature. Don't be jealous if I'm successful or let your competitive stuff slip into our relationship. Please. I will be more successful if you are encouraging and supportive. Even if this concept seems pointless to you. It's not. 

9. I look forward to holding hands, eskimo kisses, and crazy play stuff. But I will need my alone time to read and write or whatever other creative thing I'm stimming on. If I happen to share writing with you I will be nervous regardless of your reaction. Please do not try to save me from my female feelings. Let it go. When I calm I will recognize you were right anyways. Tweaking out is something I do but every year I'm smoother. 

10. I will probably always be sensitive. Never tell me "Don't be so thin skinned". I won't be. 
I've learned a lot and will not give my heart easy. All I can tell you is that the ride there will be magically playful. Have courage. Trust me. The more dubious you are of me, thinking my 'happy' has some underlying motive, the more likely you will push me away. Hearts are like brains - They go where they're appreciated.

Things that I am working on, (A List):

- Understanding that everyone is on there own path in there own time. That I need to respect that and that NOT everyone wants help. NOT everyone is ready to hear whatever insights I may have to offer and that THAT, is okay.

- My career. Making money. Aspiring sugar momma stuff.

Other Tid Bits:

1. So in a nutshell, I have socially awkward tendencies despite my cheerful friendliness. My aptness towards talking too fast or too much, using dangerously wild hand gestures, being prone to over-sharing, subtle nervous twitchiness, and sudden shyness and awkward silences most often experienced with strangers. Social anxiety meeting new people (the kind you know you'll see again) and yet, I adapt quite well to a wide variety of people. You will be in charge of picking up on that (in time you'll just know) and hold my hand or something which in turn will help calm me down. I love when you do that. 

2. I really enjoy reading in bed before I fall asleep very much, but am particularly weary of hard cover books, as I have more than once whacked myself in the face. If I start to look sleepy and have hard cover in hand. You are in charge of taking it away. That too. 

3. Just know. That when I am angry, I will be imagining metaphorical catapults aimed at the target of my disaffection. I will use different levels appropriate to the levels of aggravation. Starting off by flipping a spoonful of peas or corn for the least offensive, and move up to larger stuff like ice-cream scoops, mashes potatoes, marbles. Rocks are for jocks. Well, the arrogant mean ones at least. If they're nice, I might settle for stinky brussel sprouts. 

4. I will never expect you to 'out-do' me with creative stuff. If I'm being creative it is who I am. I will appreciate your type of creative stuff. I do not want to compete. Debate, banter, an occasional fight, yes ... but never compete. I want to trust you. 

5. The last thing that you should know is ... I'm obsessed w/ adorable socks of all sorts. I will wear the white ones only when I know I am going to someone's house so as to save myself the embarrassment. lol!


----------



## Adythiel (Jun 28, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> List of stuff, shortened for space reason.


You sound like you could be a whole lot of fun.


----------



## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

I have another one:

I am very judgmental and particular about a lot of things. This will probably never change.


----------



## AstralSoldier (Jun 18, 2012)

1.) Somedays I'm a non-talker. But I talk 'VOLUMES' with my silence.

2.) I'm pretty freaky in the bedroom, not just garden variety, sex toy here and there, but 'Grab a fucking Crucifix, and Rosary Beads, and get ready for the Stigmata 2! MWHAHAHAHA!' Maybe a priest or two...just in case...lol

3.) I don't really like the heat on in the house...I like it cold, (but I'd rather wear short? lol) not bone-chilling cold, but DEFINITELY not flames of hell hot! lol and I do share the blankets, especially if it gets TOO hot for me under them. Then they're all yours.

4.) I'm very creative, and often time think by intuitive leaps of thought, and flashes of ideas. I'm good at collecting info, and finding some creative solution and use for it. Be ready for ANYTHING with me. I also hope they're creative as well, if not, I'll help them find their inner self.

5.)I'm not fond of spineless, or weak people. Spineless means just that; a coward, and a person that doesn't have priciples and is essentially an 'easy' character who just lives with no purpose. Weak doesn't mean 'physical weakness' alone, it means mental, spiritual, and emotional weakness or defects. 

Mental Strength-being able to converse with me rationally, and learn with me about new things, is important to me; life is a class-room and we should enjoy it. Having an appreciation, and an understanding about the abstract is mental strength to me. Having a sharp, analytical, quick mind is important with me because I'm into many abstract endeavors, and I'd like to be able to share my interests in these fields with my SO. When I can't talk to you, or share some aspect of my experience with you, I start to re-consider my relationship with that person. I can process data very fast, so I like to be able to mentally, verbally spar with someone every once and a while. Be able to collect information and present something to me rationally, so I can learn from it, I love learning, and so should they. Being a Big Ox with no desire to expand your mind isn't attractive at all in the long term, and my mind may have grown past yours.

Spiritual/Ethical Strength-Is having a set of personal principles, ethics, and beliefs that shows an honorable, personality guided by the belief that HE dictates his actions and is morally balanced, and benevolent; his principles should mean a great deal to him, and he should hold a stance on, and differentiate between what is morally correct, and what isn't. I'm hoping to be with a guy as high-minded as myself, so there's no cognitive/relational dissonance. 

Emotional Strength-Having the ability to control your emotions and re-direct them in a positive manner shows emotional maturity; arguments happen, and that's excusable, also prioritizing your time to bond with me is pretty important, I'm usually a blast to be around anyway! lol Having the desire to share your feelings with me, rather than me wasting my time BEGGING you (which isn't likely to happen) so we can work through them is important. Self-awareness is attractive too; that means you know what and how much of yourself to share with me. This is emotional strength. 

6.) Physical AND Emotional Intimacy is EXTREMELY important to me; If we can't spend huge amounts of time together, we can at LEAST make the time between the sheets count, and I hope they've taken their vitamins, because I don't quit! Also if the sex is without feeling, and seems robotic, too quick, I'll break up with you; no sense in having sex with a person I don't have feelings for; I HATE emotionless/cold sex. 

7.) Emotional/Relational Honesty/Authenticity is HUGE as well. I don't like liars, or people who have a habit of embellishing, or bending the truth for ANY reason at all. There's no reason, or need to lie; stick to the truth, and you'll get everywhere with me. As it is, when you leave the house, I don't want to be touched until I know that you're clean...don't expect instant affection because I'm rather suspicious about

8.) I'm adventurous and love to explore, and do new things, if only for the experience and memories. I can be an indoor kinda guy, or a just gotta get the HELL outta here type too!. I'll be spending a majority of the relationship being with the SO, either in the house, or out with him if possible. Again, Flexible here.

9.) I"m not a jealous person, but if you're an attention seeking, flirt with everyone else type of person I WILL BREAK IT OFF WITH YOU RIGHT THERE. I have no patience for that type of behavior, in the end, the ONLY opinions that should matter to you are your own, and mine of you, involving another person in that is grounds for release from a relationship with me. I'm completely and PROUDLY inflexible about this.

10.) I don't like chronically negative, lazy, complainers....find the problem fix it if you can, or if not resolve to make yourself stronger from it. People who find SOMETHING to complain about chronically piss me off...sometimes good things come to you when you HAVE a positive/humorous outlook on things. I'm into possibilities and keeping myself bouyant.

11.) I'm complex; I'm not simple-minded, and I appreciate subtle sarcasm and wit. Being that I can see things from multiple tangents, I talk about things going on under the surface because stating the obvious is a waste of time, if it's not for ironies sake; meaning simplicity bores me; if I can wrap my 5 physical senses around it, i've probably mastered it VERY quickly.

12.) Lastly, I'm romantic, sometimes so intensely romantic I feel foolish for openly showing it and doubt that the SO will be the same. I always inside feel like I'll give more than I receive; like the relationship will become unbalanced in a way. I'd HATE to be involved in a situation like that.


----------



## Enkidu (Apr 19, 2010)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> 19. I am NOT a "dude". You are NOT a "dude".
> Note the following, There are 3 types of men in my world: Dude, Douche, and men I know.


That's awfully categorical of you, miss NF. 

20 points will require some stamina, plus a breach of my privacy...I'll try for 10 nonetheless:

1) Please understand, I need alone time on a weekly basis to be content. This is important not only for my emotional health, but for the sake of maximizing the amount of quality time I can spend with [S.O.]. 

2) I will always try to be there when you need me, drive out to you on a whim, attend your social gatherings or friend's wedding receptions, or saunter over and open your pickle jar. BUT, the minute I sense you're taking my obeisance for granted, I will be very hurt and likely upset that you _expect_ it of me. 

3) Let me moralize, proselytize, or ramble about some extremely dry, uninteresting topic occasionally. I'll like you all the more if you humor me...

4) I'm a non-conformist by nature, which in this case means: I can't sit through many TV shows. Please don't make me watch wedding dress shopping shows, most anything on the Food Network a.k.a. Cholesterol Poisoning 24/7, Lifetime movies, soaps, or some inane reality show like Jersey Shore. *shudder* 

5) Unfortunately, most of my guy friends are likely STs & NTs, which means that outside of a romantic relationship I lack any friendships that are emotional in nature. I make female friends easily, understand that these are platonic, healthy, and open-minded attachments. I am ever-vigilant of advances and very protective of my romantic partners - there's no worry about unfaithfulness. 

6) I have many dreams, ambitions, and ideals. While they may be disparate or scattered at first glance, I do have a general direction I am headed. Think of it as "...a thousand twisted roads to salvation." 

7) Being a high-energy person with a speedy metabolism, I enjoy movement, exercise, and stimulation. My family's said I need a Husky or Malamute just to walk me.  I would appreciate it if [S.O.] could spend some time coming out exploring with me. 

8) A previous girlfriend had begrudgingly stated that "You would leave her for the forest, if you could". This isn't the case, as funny as it is. I'd just feel slighted if I make a conscious effort to entertain her interests, and then that loyalty wasn't returned by her.

9) Sex can be fun and meaningful - at the same time. It doesn't have to be one or the other, at separate instances. The act of love-making is affectionate and intimate by nature. 

10) Subtlety is my game, you won't be able to hide much from me. And while I do think that patience is a virtue, it can also become a vice when I have to overlook untruthfulness or insincerity.


----------



## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

Here's mine:

1. I am an emotional person. If I need to cry, I'm going to cry whether you're there or not and whether you like it or not. And I'm going to want your support when I need a shoulder to cry on. If you won't be there when I'm not happy, you don't deserve to be there when I am.

2. I am a human being. I make mistakes. I don't want to be afraid you're going to walk out if I screw up enough. Make sure you let me know you're there for me no matter what idiotic thing I do. And I wouldn't say all that if I wasn't completely willing to do that for you as well. As long as you don't do anything really horrible (cheat on me, hit me, etc) I will be there for you no matter what stupid thing you do.

3. If you've eaten ketchup recently, I'm not going to kiss you. I also don't like french kissing. I'll put up with it for you but don't go sticking your tongue in my mouth without warning me first.

4. I have ADD. My thought process can be all over the place. It's not something I can help so I really hope you think it's cute. Because telling me to stop won't do you any good.

5. I am passionate. I love to be held, kissed, danced with, picked up, or cuddled with to name a few. You'll find I'm very physically demonstrative. But I get moods where I don't want to be touched. Fortunately for you, they're rare but please don't touch me in those situations.

6. I can crack a joke in almost any situation about almost anything. Please don't be afraid to do the same as I am almost always up for a laugh.

7. I am looking to get married. And if you're the one for me, so are you. Don't be afraid to pop the question because odds are, if we're really happy together, I'll say yes!

8. I don't want kids right away. Please wait a few years (at least two) before seriously talking to me about having them. I want them but I want to discover my identity as a married woman and figure out how best to love you before I complicate my life even further.

9. I love surprises and random displays of affection. I will probably do all sorts of cute things for you and would be ecstatic to get them from you. So if you have something really cheesy and adorable in mind, do it! I will probably love you for it!

10. I'm not the kind of girl who expects to be pampered all the time. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't. I'll probably pamper you about as much as I want to be pampered so follow my lead.

11. If I need you, please be there for me. You don't have to go to extreme lengths to be there but at least make time for me. I don't think that's asking too much. And you can believe that I'll be there for you if you need me.

12. I love deep, intelligent conversations about logic and feelings. The best of these conversations has a good mix of both. If you come to a slightly different conclusion, I would be fascinated to hear about how you came up with it and may very well end up agreeing with you.

13. If you upset me and then realize you were a total jerk, I won't think any less of you if you apologize. In fact, I'll probably love you more for it. So don't hesitate to do so and I will do the same for you.

14. I love bouncing ideas off you. I could spend hours doing it. Days even. So be ready for a lot of that. You get extra points if you're just as passionate about it as I am.

15. I don't like small talk. I also don't like changing topics if I'm really interested in one. I prefer to dig at it until there's nothing left. Grab your shovel and join me!

16. I prefer gentleness. I'm an HSP so a soft touch will still stimulate me quite a bit. Please don't be too rough with me, though you can certainly be passionate if you want. I object only to pain and I will let you know if something hurts so don't worry about it if I haven't said anything.

17. I absolutely love being kissed on the neck. If you want to show me how much you love me with without saying anything, I'd suggest starting with that.

18. I want to agree with you on every single major issue. Minor things don't matter and I'm always up for a healthy debate but I want to know that you support me on the major things.

19. God must come first. ALWAYS. I want to pray with you, talk about what I've read in the Bible with you, and talk about everything having to do with our relationships in Him. Please don't casually brush me aside when I try to come up with ways to make God central because that's more important than anything.

20. I love you and I'm so looking forward to meeting you. roud:


----------



## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> 8. I'm a beer snob. I stick to that. No, I won't back down from this. If we are at a restaurant with crappy beer, I won't drink it. It's simply not worth the calories.


Just wanted to high-five you for this.


----------



## Christie42476 (May 25, 2012)

I can only come up with 11, so here goes:

1. I live in my head a lot. I play out entire stories up there, and some of what's going on in them will reflect on my face. So, if you think something's wrong, but I say there isn't, take me at my word. Whatever you're seeing that's making you think something's wrong is probably just some random, daydreamed scenario playing out in my head. Do not keep insisting you know something's wrong and pressing me about it, because then there _will _be something wrong, as your refusal to take me at my word will seriously piss me off. If something really is bothering me, I'll discuss it with you when you ask, and even if you don't.

2. I like to decompress in the bath with a book. I will be in there for hours because I'll read the entire book in there. No, I haven't drowned in there, so just let me have the time. It's one of the ways I stay generally cheery and capable of coping with the stresses of daily life, so it's to your benefit to indulge me on this.

3. I love film and television as much as I love books...I just love stories. And I like talking about them, discussing plot lines and dissecting characters and their arcs, and speculating as to possible future developments. So, I can only hope that, whoever you are, you like that at least half as much as I do or we're going to have some problems.

4. I sing and dance A LOT. I sing in the shower. I sing while doing dishes, doing laundry, driving, cooking, vacuuming...you get the idea. I dance during many of these activities as well. I swear I'm actually fairly good (at least at the singing part), so hopefully you can cope with it. 

5. I have some issues with anxiety. Do NOT get all crabby with me about it, or lecture me about it, because that will just make it worse. I have my own ways of managing it that work quite well for me as long as my partner isn't meddling with my process or judging me for it. You don't have to understand why something bothers me; you just have to accept that it does and let me handle it my way. Be quietly supportive when I need it, and I'll love you all the more for it.

6. I like to go for long walks and runs. This is good for my figure, so that means it's good for you, too, so be encouraging there.

7. I'm all about trust and loyalty and honesty. Breaches there will destroy our relationship forever (and I'm not talking about little white lies where your intent was clearly and purely to protect my feelings -- I understand that). But don't deceive or betray me. Just don't. If there's something bothering you or making you unhappy, just talk to me about it. If you approach me about it reasonably instead of attacking or railing at me, I'll probably surprise you with how willing I am to work with you on rectifying whatever the problem is. It won't be comfortable me, of course, but my desire to make you happy will always trump that discomfort _unless you screw me over. _So, again, _don't._

8. I love being a mother. I don't resent the responsibilities or demands on my time that come with it. So, if I sense that you do resent those things, I'm going to lose respect for you, and a downward spiral between us will commence. That doesn't mean I don't believe in making plenty of quality time for my partner and don't value that as greatly because I do. But you have to be reasonable about it, or I will cease to be, too.

9. If I reject a compliment, I am not secretly soliciting reassurance. I know that often times that is the case with some people, but not with me. If I reject it, it's because I truly do not agree with your assessment, and I'm terrified you're creating an unrealistic idea of me that you'll expect me to live up to even though I can't, and I'll end up disappointing you. So, if you think I possess some trait that I insist I do not possess, you'd be wise to heed what I'm saying. Conversely, if I reject a criticism, it's not me being overly sensitive or defensive but rather, again, that I don't agree with your assessment. Whether you're complimenting or criticizing me on something I don't agree with, either way, it makes me feel like you don't know or understand me as well as you think you do or as well as I'd hoped you would, which is alienating for me. But if you offer a criticism that I see validity in, I'll address the issue and try to improve. And if you offer a compliment that I see some validity in, I'll do my best to accept it with grace, even though it'll still probably make me feel kind of awkward because I'm not really sure how to react appropriately.

10. I'm deeply emotional, but that part of me makes me feel vulnerable and exposed, so I'm kind of guarded there. I'm much more adept at dealing with and examining your feelings than my own, and much more comfortable with experiencing your feelings than my own. If you deliberately hurt me, I'll withdraw so far into myself, I'll be like a stranger to you and our relationship will be in serious danger. But if you're patient and trustworthy, I'll get much better there over time, so please always remember that. And, frankly, my ability to intuit your feelings, be quietly understanding and nonjudgmental of them, and adapt to them in unobtrusive and non-intrusive ways is one of my finer qualities and will hopefully make my personal deficiencies worth it.

11. I love physical touch and sex. My preferred method of communicating feelings is physical, so I neither need nor want lots of verbal affirmation. I'm really not impressed with words, overall (and past bad experiences have only exacerbated that in me), and am much more concerned with your actions. If you tell me you love me and value "us" by what you do to be supportive and how you behave towards me, you don't ever have to actually say it. If you do say it -- and mean it -- I will sincerely appreciate it, though. It'll brighten my day; it just won't darken my day if you _don't._ But if and when you do go there, don't overdo it because it'll make me uncomfortable.


----------



## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

KateMarie999 said:


> Here's mine:
> 2. I am a human being. I make mistakes. I don't want to be afraid you're going to walk out if I screw up enough. Make sure you let me know you're there for me no matter what idiotic thing I do. And I wouldn't say all that if I wasn't completely willing to do that for you as well. *As long as you don't do anything really horrible (cheat on me, hit me, etc)* I will be there for you no matter what stupid thing you do.


So if you cheat on him, he has permission to walk out too, yes? I read that he should accept you regardless, but you'd leave him if he cheated or hit you.


----------



## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

Not 20, but a start: 

1. I am a bad housekeeper. You know those women who say "oh the house is a mess" and you could eat off the floor? That's not me. 

2. If you say you're going to do something, I expect you to do it in a reasonable timeframe. _Years_ is not reasonable. This may sound stupid, but it's been a problem.

3. I expect you to believe what I tell you. I will give adequate indication of when I am joking, teasing, or otherwise don't mean it. If you want to second-guess, read too much into it, or otherwise not _trust me to have given you accurate information_, the door is over there.

4. Conversely, give me only accurate information and adequate indication of joking/teasing/etc. 

5. I am quiet. I do a _lot_ of thinking. My writing is _very_ important to me and yes, it probably comes across as obsessive. Most things are on the back burner compared to that. See #1 above.


----------



## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

Signify said:


> So if you cheat on him, he has permission to walk out too, yes? I read that he should accept you regardless, but you'd leave him if he cheated or hit you.


Naw, you're not reading between the lines and you ripped it out of context. She is not a cheater and she will never cheat or hit her husband/bf. She meant something totally different when she mentioned "no matter what idiotic thing I do". It's an ENFP thing, they're not very precise sometimes and they can come off as contradictory.


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Thank you @MrINFJ! I accidentally revived this thread for your thread.
I forgot how much fun reading this thread was! >.<

I love fun lists :tongue: people are awesome!


----------



## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

1. I am prone to making snap decisions or opinions with not a lot of backing behind them. I'm impatient and don't like to wait things out.

2. I like eating out. I hope you do too!*

3. In whatever house we live in there WILL be a smoking room. To make up for this, I will wear a smoking jacket, which I promise will make me look really dapper.

4. I have bad nightmares.

5. I drink quite often.

6. I WILL drink whisky with your dad and we WILL talk about man things like the gold standard. 

7. I like going to foreign countries. The poorer they are, the better. I hope you enjoy our honeymoon in the DR Congo. So long as you find shoulder holsters attractive.

8. I can't stand endless whining or crying about things. You are just going to have to deal with things. Over-sensitive people annoy me greatly.

9. I read a lot. I hope you read too. We can discuss literature!

10. I am going to own a firearm, just so you know. There's nothing you can do about that. And if we have children I'm going to train them to use it. Again, nothing you can do about that. I might even use it to kill animals and take them home and eat them. Great!

11. Do NOT over-explain things to me. Tell me what it is you want to know and tell me it concisely and accurately. I will lose my shit if you stand there telling me the same thing over and over again for five minutes. 

12. There's nothing worse than the nouveau-riche and social climbers.

13. Everything I say, I mean.

14. I swear a lot.

15. I love you even if I don't say it a lot.

16. I am going to forget important dates. I even forgot my own birthday once, so don't take it badly.

17. I am a social person. There will always be people coming to our house and we will always be going over to other people's houses. I don't want you to stay at home. Do you understand how that looks? You are just going to have to deal with that. 

18. I am not going to church, ever. Never. I do not pray and I take the lords name and a lot of his requests in vain.

19. I like playing computer games. Not more so than sex but I have my "computer time."

20. I like wearing jumpers. I hope you like men who wear jumpers. They're usually a little bit too big for me.


----------



## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

Diphenhydramine said:


> 1. I am prone to making snap decisions or opinions with not a lot of backing behind them. I'm impatient and don't like to wait things out.


LOL. I like your list, but don't drink MY whiskey and I'm going to lock myself in a room 4-6 hours a day to write (with the stereo on). 

OTOH, will gladly knit you more jumpers.


----------



## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

carlaviii said:


> LOL. I like your list, but don't drink MY whiskey and I'm going to lock myself in a room 4-6 hours a day to write (with the stereo on).
> 
> OTOH, will gladly knit you more jumpers.


 Can we negotiate on the stereo?


----------



## MrINFJ (Jan 11, 2013)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> Thank you @_MrINFJ_! I accidentally revived this thread for your thread.
> I forgot how much fun reading this thread was! >.<
> 
> I love fun lists :tongue: people are awesome!


I'm so confused. What are you referring to? :/


----------



## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Can we negotiate on the stereo?


...possibly. Any problems with alt-rock/grunge/metal or full-spectrum electronica (ambient to filthy dubstep)? 

It won't necessarily be _loud_. Though headphones are an option.


----------



## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

Diphenhydramine said:


> 9. I read a lot. I hope you read too. We can discuss literature!


I'm stealing this one for my list.



> 10. I am going to own a firearm, just so you know. There's nothing you can do about that. And if we have children I'm going to train them to use it. Again, nothing you can do about that. *I might even use it to kill animals and take them home and eat them.* Great!


That reminds me to add this one too: No murder-for-meat in my house. I'll let my husband eat red meat IF he wants to but not inside my kitchen (I'm all right with fish and chicken - well, not _all right_, but not completely unreasonable.)


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

MrINFJ said:


> I'm so confused. What are you referring to? :/





MrINFJ said:


> Show me the ultimate online dating profile of an INFJ :laughing:


omg! you didn't read my contribution to your thread!!! I'm crushed. My entire sense of self worth is now squashed. How could you. I'm so sad now. Don't you know my entire identity impinges on acceptance from others. Don't you?!?! *sobs inconsolable* where's the wine? No. I don't like merlot. Don't you know! Why don't you listen?!

This leads me to the latest addition to my list that's lost within this thread.

My future partner ought to know ... My sense of humor is ridiculous. And I like it


----------



## Destiny Dawn (Nov 13, 2012)

1. No, I'm not angry, that's just my face.

2. If I ever come across as sad or depressed, make me do something that challanges me. Nothing makes me feel alive like knowing I might die.

3. I'm absolutely terrified of being alone in the dark, so if you make me watch a scary movie or activate my vivid imagination, you will not be going anywhere until the sun is shining through the windows.

4. I will need to make use of your arm as a pillow if I am to sleep.

5. I'm always daydreaming, so say my name or make sure you have my attention if there's something of importance that you need to share with me.

6. If you propose to me, I will say no if the ring does not match my personality (it doesn't have to be expensive, it just needs to be me). 

7. I am a very physical person and I love to roughhouse, so don't be afraid that you will break me.

8. I already have the names of our children planned out. This is non-negotiable, just accept it and move on. Also, yes, we will be having kids. Four at the very least.

9. You will change all of the dirty diapers.

10. I will make you deliscious home-cooked meals and bake you sweets every day. You can join me at the gym every morning as to not gain obscene amounts of weight.

11. Do NOT accept everything I say or ask of you. I fully expect you to be a dominate man, and make your needs and thoughts be known. If I seem as though I'm being unreasonable, tell me.

12. I don't mind being possessed, as long as it goes both ways. I am yours, and you are mine.

13. I love fairytales and mythology, but I am also drawn to the dark side of things. Don't let this scare you.

14. I might come on a bit strong, but don't let my intensity scare you.

15. Contrary to popular belief, I do have a filter and censor the vast majority of my thoughts. I might hold back on spilling everything to you for a while, until I'm positive that I can trust you.

16. I fully expect you to have your group of friends that you can hang out with.

17. We will live in the "country," with at least a couple miles until the nearest house. I want our backyard to be a forest that we can take walks in every day.

18. I am known to be a grammar nazi, so please don't get mad if I correct you. That's what you get for being in a relationship with an English major.

19. By the time we meet I will most likely be a practicing Wiccan. There will be no "converting" of me. I do not expect you to have a particular set of values, but I hope that you believe in something.

20. I will love you with my entire being, so please consider your actions carefully.


----------



## MrINFJ (Jan 11, 2013)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> omg! you didn't read my contribution to your thread!!! I'm crushed. My entire sense of self worth is now squashed. How could you. I'm so sad now. Don't you know my entire identity impinges on acceptance from others. Don't you?!?! *sobs inconsolable* where's the wine? No. I don't like merlot. Don't you know! Why don't you listen?!
> 
> This leads me to the latest addition to my list that's lost within this thread.
> 
> My future partner ought to know ... My sense of humor is ridiculous. And I like it


Ah, I'm so sorry! Now I get it, haha! Will you ever forgive me? 

My future partner ought to know... My greatest fear is of others not liking me.


----------



## KilljoyKoala (Mar 22, 2013)

1. I'm not glaring at you, I'm looking at you while I think about something that's making me glare. 

2. Do NOT wake me up without an extremely good reason. No exceptions.

3. I do not care if you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth. If I gotta go, I gotta go. And I'm not shy. 

4. I'm not your mom, I'm not going to restrict who you're friends with. However, if I don't like your friends then you're not bringing them into my house.

5. Do NOT complain to me about your ex boyfriends/girlfriends. I do not care, I don't want to hear it, I will not pretend to listen. If you're whining about them for no good reason besides being bitter or a gossip, I will tell you to knock it off. And if you don't, I will leave you.


----------



## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

1. I'm insanely fast at getting to know whatever it is you are into. It's the perfect way to annoy you with exactly the right challenges in your life that you do not want to face or even talk about.

2. I am the best man you will ever not like. If you like me my incessantly negative commentary on the state of the world, our government, people's motivations, and just about everything else will eventually turn you off. If that isn't enough to drive you kicking and screaming into the arms of some less deserving lug, then the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that constantly befall me but never quite finish me off will probably take you out and leave me mourning the one person who could ever have been my one and only. "She put up with me!", I will weep sincerely, and always hold a special place in my heart for you.

3. I wax philosophical about ... everything. If you don't like that the only way to shut me up is with sex.

4. Rest assured you will always be a mystery to me because I have yet to meet a woman I could even remotely understand let alone pick out the perfect gift for, although I have damn sure tried because I so want that look on your face that says I got it right for once. You know - as a novelty.

5. I haven't had enough sex in my life so I am probably going to want a lot more of that than you are and I have no idea what I am doing so you'll probably have to spend a lot of time training me to do what you want. Maybe we can date doing that, break up, and then try a second time and you can act like I'm cool and experienced then. That would be awesome.

6. I've been described by my best and most knowledgeable friends as "Sideways".

7. My intuition is so high that even my intuitive friends think I am odd. They get mad at me because I apologize as I make them mad but their being mad is proof. Such certainty is absurd and absurdly annoying.

8. I am tragicomical. This means that dealing with little annoying day to day stuff that you and most people think is super easy can cause me to turn into the Tasmanian Devil and kill everyone within a 100 yard radius. If you prefer peace and calm and you want to keep loved ones safe within that radius of me, it might be best if you filled out bureaucratic forms and dealt with morons rather than me. 

9. On the flip side of #8, the big world shattering things that others consider impossible are my daily fare. I will take them on with reckless abandon and make some progress with your support. 

10. For me the worst thing you can do is fail in support and there will be times you have to drop what you are doing and support me. I'll be all over the charts supporting you and my energy is boundless, but when I need help, its very real and very immediate and non negotiable. I will ask. To fail to answer is betrayal.

11. I have insane energy and I am, for the most part, sufficient unto myself. A whole person. I need a woman who is also whole unto herself. In that way we are not codependent. We are an exponent to one another's lives. If you do not have the energy to keep up, you had best be very understanding about my seeking a quench elsewhere. This applies to every walk of life and this is not a threat to you, it's a promise to myself.

12. I have very deep, very smart, very skilled male friends. They can go the distance with me in every way that I need in terms of human relationships, except only 3. That's where you come in. It's damn wonderful if you are also deep, smart, and skilled as I like the company of equals. So that is item 1, the one you want to hear about. A skilled, smart, deep FEMALE relationship. Excellent. The other two are things I can't get with male friends, sex and children. Although item 1 is great, the value-added proposition is heavily weighted to items 2 and 3 as a priority until those items are checked. Just keeping it real.

13. Jealousy that makes you want to come hold me, possess me, and warmly smile at a woman trying to get my attention in order to claim me is something that will make me return the favor later. Jealously that makes you trade harsh words with openly flirtatious women or act like a crazy Missouri land rush settler, or cause a ridiculous scene is unwelcome, unappreciated, weak, and properly listed as one of the seven deadly sins.

14. Religion is a framework to express what is important, spiritual values, a sense of belonging. If you are a dogmatic zealot of an organized faith and YOU would let that distinction come between us in any way, save us both the wasted time and effort and deny or suppress your interest in me please.

15. If you are currently involved with another man, I may sense a massive connection between us, and I may platonic-ally comment on it, to let you know. But, unless you wise up and take the high road, and end your relationship with the other man first, stepping back onto the playing field unencumbered, I will NEVER entertain your advances, nor return them in kind.

16. I am a night owl. Unless you wear me out with sex every night, and that would take some doing, it would be best if you are a night owl to so we live together rather than at the intersections of our daily routines.

17. Money is irrelevant to me, in fact I have a healthy disdain for it. I have been a millionaire and a pauper and I liked aspects of both. I am the greatest test I know of in the human world for fair weather friends. If you are one, move along. You have to like me for me or I will burn you to cinders.

18. I love the intricacy and plurality of city life but at heart I am a man of earth, sky, and woods. Fine french cuisine and poetry alongside daily hikes with a border collie. That's just one example. Yet and still, some evenings my default is at the computer, continuing the interactions, the energy, over the internet. 

19. I am an intimate, with light social tendencies and zero self pres. I will be so into you that you will at some times be annoyed by it. If you are mostly social or mostly self pres then that may not be the best fit. I can adapt easily but I get very very tired of adapting all the time. Eventually, that will rankle me. If you do not want to come to me as much as I come to you, that will be an issue. Parity and balance are critical.

20. If it ends between us in your heart or mind or body, then have the spine to say so and you may rest assured that I will. Betrayal and deception do not end well when I am involved.


----------



## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

I require and give a TON of physical affection..... Nuff said....


----------



## Conclusion (Sep 21, 2012)

Do I know myself well enough to fill one of these out? HMM LET'S FIND OUT. Maybe writing it out will clarify a few things to myself, and if nothing else it'll be interesting to see how much it'll have changed in a year's time.

EDIT: Hm, I think writing it out DID clarify a few things to myself. In particular, I'm gonna have to think of better ways to phrase a few of these things, rethink how / when to be open about large chunks of it, probably let go of a few things that have served their purpose in my life and from which it's time I moved on, and write out a lighter, less ponderous version of this later. In particular I'm not sure I want the old five pager lying around on the internet. So... snip.


----------



## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

Ok.Seriously now.

I guess there would be a few things I would want her to understand from the get go.

- I'm a family man, I love my mum and dad and little bro and I want to spend time with them, but that doesn't mean I want kids right away.
(I would need a good enough job first. So that they could live a good life, (no not priveleged . just comfortable))
- I'm respectful of religion, (except maybe Scientology) but I'm not a religious man. I will think and do as I please and no amount of love will change my independence.
- Dont expect me to be social. If I love you enough, Ill make an effort if you care about it that much, but I'm perfectly happy with my one close friend. 
And also on that point, I want to remain in touch with him, and expect some guy time on our days off. 
- Videogames. You better be tolerant at the least because thats my thing, my hobby, my obsession. My house is full of them, I even have an arcade machine, and I talk about them alot. 
(And other nerdy internet shit too. I spend a lot of time online. ALOT. Forums and news sites n crap)

Other stuff I guess we'd have to learn as we go, since its not something you can just easily list, but that's what I'm like in the day to day.
Im just a lax, caring videogame nut, who would happily share his simple life with someone he loves.


----------



## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

I have 6 filled out. I'm actually taking this quite seriously. xD


----------



## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

I'd want her to know that I'm enthusiastic about raising children, so I hope she is, too. roud:


----------



## Immerseyourself (Feb 12, 2013)

L said:


> Use microsoft word and copy and paste or something!
> 
> You will not escape this!!!!!:tongue:


Alright. I'll post something in a day or two. :wink:


----------



## Schweeeeks (Feb 12, 2013)

This is a wonderful idea. I don't have a list yet, but I'll definitely be thinking about it.
@_All in Twilight_ is right about the unavailability being attractive to a lot of people (gender neutral). It does depend on the personality too. Come to think of it, I wonder if it's consistent with any particular MBTI/Enneagram/etc: types and just how common those types _are._
In a way, maybe it's safer too. A lot of people get scared when they are close to getting what they actually want. They self-sabotage and retreat. So if you are really used to the chase and not finding the ideal you are looking for, it could be a comfort zone.


----------



## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

Damn, I thought it would be really easy to write this out but it's quite difficult. I just know what I want and what I don't and after being someone's doormat so many times in the past, I won't do it anymore. I don't have the patience for it.

I guess the most important thing to me is just own who you are. The most attractive people are those who know what they want and who are confident. I can't stand girls who display even a little sign of insecurity, it's just really unattractive to me. I don't want someone I'll have to pet and I certainly don't want to have to put up with her craziness. Most often insecurity is irrational and it's born out of fear, but once someone is so deep in their insecurity there is nothing left for me to say. They just won't listen. At that point, I just cut my losses short and move on because I want someone who goes after what she wants and doesn't take no for an answer. 

I don't mind chasing girls because I like the thrill of the chase, but just don't be insecure. It's so self-defeating; most girls desperate for a relationship are the same ones that push every potential partner away and even though they _know_ they do it, they don't stop. I can't.

Yet, unfortunately, I'm finding that this is such a common trend. And it's a damn shame, they're all beautiful really. But what use is me telling them that if they won't believe it? I'd rather have a girl tell me I'm silly for even doubting that in the first place. Now that, is attractive. At that point, it's let the games begin. All gloves (and clothes actually) are off.

EDIT I have 20 now.

1) Don't be a douchebag to everyone just because you're in a bad mood. You are responsible for your emotions just like I am mine. Don't ruin my day because someone ruined yours. I don't like negative energy.

2) I love one on one time. I can over do it sometimes and I do apologise for that but if it's too much, just say it's too much.

3) I like music and I like to dance. So take me dancing. Always.

4) I'm quite competitive actually. But not every waking second.

5) I like to gamble and I like the finer things in life. Total Se slut sometimes. I don't always know how to keep that under control but I never let it get too bad.

6) I like to be high. Not too often, socially is nice.

7) I don't take receiving presents very well. I'm just like okay? thanks? I prefer a kiss to be honest.

8) I actually don't mind being told where I'm going wrong. But there's a time and a place. And if it gets too heated I prefer to just walk away; I can throw the meanest verbal daggers. Please don't ever let it get that far :ninja:

9) Kids? Maybe. I can't make up my mind, but I'm not really for it or against it. I assume when I'm ready I'll know and if that time never comes, then it never comes.

10) There is no such thing as "multiple partners" as far as I'm concerned. If you like it, great good for you. But I obviously am not the one for you then.

11) I like to travel and I want to see the world. Come with me? We can sail the world on my boat (I am yet to buy it though.)

12) I like people in general, but have little patience for most.

13) Communication is quite important to me. I can't go days without speaking to you. I don't really get why I would want to.

14) Debate with me. I like it. I can talk about most things I guess.

15) If you are religious, that's cool. Just don't try and convert me.

16) I get bored of certain things very quickly. Once we've drawn a line under it, please don't bring it up again...

17) I like sports, I like to keep active. But running? Lol no, I'd rather stay at home and do a sudoku with my feet up.

18) Have long term plans please. SOMETHING it doesn't necessarily matter what they are, but ideally they should match mine.

19) I hope we can share laughs together even when everything around us is crumbling.

20) It's you and me against the world, always.


----------



## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

I only have six filled out. I will edit it over time to complete and perfect the list. 

1. I'll get the harsh things out of the way first. I do not want a family. I don't want kids and certainly don't want anything holding me back. If you're it, then you must want the same.

2. I will put you before a lot of things involving work, career and my Messiah Complex. I want to be a doctor. Most likely an ER physician at the time of writing, but I don't know yet. This means long hours. I also want to do as much international volunteer work as possible. I want to save and improve lives and give the know-how to do so themselves. I want to do everything I possibly can to improve the world outside of my work. I will have strong policy views and not be afraid to show them. Maybe I'll be lucky enough for you to be the same way.

3. Once I fall in love with you, my new version of alone time will be lying with you and either not saying a damn word or talking about something significant. If you attempt small talk because it feels like an awkward silence, I will punch you in the throat. But just know that it's only negative reinforcement. x3

4. If there is a zombie apocalypse and I get bit, and I somehow don't kill myself before I turn into a zombie, I want you to either kill me with a pitch fork entering the bottom of my head and out the top or by putting my head in between a car trunk door and the car and slamming the trunk onto my head. Unless I'm about to eat you of course.

5. As you can tell from above, I am a nerd. I love sci-fi, tv shows, and the internet. My favorite as a child and teenager was Star Wars, but that was ruined by the corporation Disney. If I ever attempt an assassination of the CEO at the time, stop me. Whatever particular work of fiction I am obsessed with (there will be a lot) at the time, try to refrain from asking questions about it unless you intend to read the books/watch the tv shows or movies. As for the internet, never check my browsing history. Okay, you can but don't be all sneaky and behind my back kind of thing. I’d like transparency with everything actually. We can make a truce with each other if you want. The only time this can be broken is if you delete it when one of us die.

6. I might appear cold and an ass, but you know I'm secretly highly sensitive to people close to me. That means you. I actually really appreciate compliments and love it when you randomly hug me or something like that.


----------



## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

Here is my list ^^' 

1. I'm really empathic and emotional, don't even try to watch a drama or a chick flick with me... Or if you really want, do not try to hold me tight or kiss me, I'll bite you!
2. You will only be the third one on my list... I'll first pay attention to my family, second my friends and then you. Do not try to be possesive, if you do, I will dump you
3. I'm an otaku, like it or not, I don't care but don't try to take my passion away.
4. I love talking and I love listening so talk =D
5. I don't like gifts... Don't bother buying me a ring, necklace, ect... I don't like it! I don't like roses on St Valentin's day either.
6. I like action better than words (I won't believe, so don't bother telling me compliments)
7. I'm not jealous, clingy or possesive so don't try to change me, neither do I want you to be that way!
8. I like to play, so play with me (society games, computer ect)
9. You are allowed to have your time with your friends, whenever you want, and so I am.
10. If I'm angry or moody don't bother talking to me, just get away or I might explode
11. Do not be too serious... I like talking bout serious things but I prefer playing and being silly
12. I can't express my feelings well (well more love, so don't ask me to be cute, loving, ect I just can't... well except on particular occassion)
13. I don't like kissing in front of many people, as I find that rude...
14. I'm not really keen on having sex... so bear with it, it takes time 
15. I like animals, so you need to like them too
16. I'm sometimes a tease, I'm sorry but I don't do it on purpose ^^'
17. I'm faithful so I want you to be faithful and do not be jealous of other boys or my friends, when I'm in love, I just like one person...
18. I like drinking beer (not really feminine ^^'), watching motorbike GP
19. I'm shy, so make the first move...
20. Do not be too nice with me, don't comply too often with my requests... If I say something like “I want some chocolate” I'm talking to myself so don't bring it !


----------



## phony (Nov 28, 2012)

omg i can't do this, friendsies? yeah?


----------



## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

I'm scared about the big lists







. Basically, dear life partner of the future:

Most of what I could write on a long list can be avoided if we keep in mind: *you don't belong to me, I don't belong to you. *We are not mutual possessions. "Don't change me" has a lot to do with that, *it's up to us to make a choice, not to make rules*. 

Trust me that even that I say that I love you there are things that I don't like about you, but it's fine!!! just as you can do the same but I'm not bothering you or trying to change you, I selected you  if you want to change me then choose someone else please. As much as we say "I love you", or "MY dear, MY love, MY sweetheart..." we are individuals, I was, am and always be, the same happens with you. 

Think about it, behave, I will behave, because I know... you can leave whenever you want to, you are not mine, I'm not yours. We choose to be together and despite it can hurt to be away, that's not something that should keep us together if we are not good to each other.


----------



## INFJane (Apr 6, 2011)

i'll never get with anyone that doesn't read books. if i enter their house and there are no books, i'm done


----------



## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

1. I am going to analyze the shit out of you. If you don't like that, if you like to keep emotions and thoughts and your past private even though we're in a relationship, well then you're not for me.
2. I will tell you most anything you want me to tell you, if you ask. Otherwise i will volunteer information only if it pertains to the topic and i'm very comfortable with you. If you want to know anything about me, ask.
3. I can't stand not communicating. Wanna cheer me up? Talk to me. 
4. I'm possessive. If i want you, i want you completely. I want to trust you 100% and i want you to trust me 100%. Possessing you will be almost a visceral need for me. I can get insanely protective too.
5. Don't expect me to feel the emotions you feel. I will sympathize and want to help, but i will not mirror your emotions, except if they happen to be anxiety. I'm good at anxiety.
6. I will let you do your thing, you will let me do mine. Hopefully we'll find fun stuff to do together too, but if we just do our own thing that's OK too.
7. I will not tell you what to do, you will not tell me what to do. Asking is encouraged, demanding is a no-go.
8. Engage with me in debates please, and argue with me.
9. Don't blow me off, i want to be your no.1, i want you to be my no.1. Other people can go fuck themselves.
10. I can take almost any level of emotionality, but do not sink to the level of intentionally trying to hurt me. That's almost a deal breaker. I will not do it to you. Hit me, scream at me, but do not be intentionally mean.
11. Please don't just expect me to do small things that show my love. I will try, but i will forget more often than not. Acts of service and giftgiving just isn't my thing. 
12. I like alcohol, i like weed. I do not indulge more than once a week or so. I'd like you to too, but if you don't, deal with it.
13. No topic is ever over-discussed. If you want me to stop talking about a particular topic, please tell me because those subtle hints will do no good with me. However, if i feel the need to discuss a topic and you don't, you better be able to discuss it anyway because i won't let it go. 
14. I like talking about and having sex. So should you.
15. I do not filter myself, ever. If you can't take blunt and straight forward, you can't take me. I'd prefer if you didn't beat around the bush to much either. Honesty is the name of the game. However don't be surprised if you catch me with a white lie to a friend/acquaintance/whatever. With you i'll always be honest, with others i don't feel that need.
16. I'm aggressive, i have a lot of pent up resentment and anger. I'm not volatile, i won't be mad at every small thing in life, but when push comes to showe i'll push back and if you or something else has put me over the edge i'll go insane with rage. Don't be scared, you're not in physical danger. Others, walls or our furniture may be though.
17. I'm kind of an optimistic cynic, or i guess it's existentialism. Anyways, my basic outlook on life is pretty pessimistic. People suck, the world is going to shit and there is no inherent meaning to anything. That does not mean i'm depressed or think my life sucks, quite the contrary. To me it's a source of strength and reassurance. Please don't be put off by that.
18. Sometimes i need a kick in the butt to get moving. Don't be afraid to kick.
19. I want kids but i do not want to stay in one place for long enough to raise them in a "normal" home. The thought of living in the same place for 18 or so years horrifies me. That may change though.
20. My idea of ideal length of a relationship is forever. I might have my doubts, but deep down when i commit i do not have an exit plan, neither should you. If i like you, you'll be my concern over everything else and i will not give up easily.


----------



## Einstein (Aug 10, 2011)

INFJane said:


> i'll never get with anyone that doesn't read books. if i enter their house and there are no books, i'm done


What if I have a library full of books but I never read any of them??


----------



## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

1) The person that I want has to be *good-hearted*, which I can tell from how you treat anyone or any living being that can't give you any benefit.
2) You have to *treat me well* - Respect me for who I am and not expect me to change to your liking.
3) I will have to be sure that *your family treats me well too*, and I will do the same to your family. This is important to ensure harmony is being maintained.
4) I will *not date an addict*, whether it's gambling, alcohol, smoking, sex, or even soft drinks. Addiction to anything that harms your body or mind is a big no-no.
5) If you show signs of having a *greedy nature*, I will *not consider you*.
6) Similarly, I will *not want *to be with *a spendthrift*.
7) If there is *anything you find disagreeable* about me or the relationship itself, please *let me know directly*.
8) The *feelings have to be mutual* for things to work out. I won't pursue someone who is not interested in me.
9) *Honesty* is very important in a relationship. If you are facing any *problems*, tell me and we can *solve it together*.
10) I am not good with words, so I hope to find someone who *does not take things personally*.
11) My interests will naturally be very different from yours, and I can understand that. As long as *none of your interest are dangerous or harmful*, go on and do what you like.
12) I am an INTJ female, so I am neither the usual girl-next-door nor the party animal. If you can *accept my uniqueness*, *I will accept you*.
13) *Respect my family members and my social circle* as much as I respect yours.
14) I would *prefer another NT type*, though I am open to all types if you suit my criteria.
15) *Age and proximity* is *not a problem* for me, if you are patient with the relationship's progression.
16) I can be *cold and expressionless* often, but that *does not mean that I don't care for you*.
17) *Let me know* *what you expect*, your *values* and what *type of mate* you are seeking for at the *start of the relationship*, so that we can determine *our compatibility*.
18) I am *not comfortable with public display of affection*, though I actually enjoy it secretly. :blushed:
19) I am looking for someone who is *willing to push ahead in the same direction as me*, and not against me.
20) If you *love me with sincerely*, I will know it and definitely reciprocate. No doubt about that. :happy:


----------



## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

missushoney said:


> What a long double quote. I like your sincerity. I hope you guys find exactly what you're looking for. I quite enjoy the NTJ mindset, yet there are so few intuitives out there as well as few who are willing to understand them. Don't let that get you down. There's a gal out there for ya. roud:


I think that's why it is hard for me to find someone who has a connection with me. I am a girl, and I am in an open relationship with the guy whom I have been seeking for now. It just takes a while to progress deeper emotionally and to overcome some obstacles.


----------



## Schweeeeks (Feb 12, 2013)

Wow that's so weird. Post #212 was pretty much the same stuff I had down. 
(Minus 12, last part of 16 and possibly 19)


----------



## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

Moop said:


> Wow that's so weird. Post #212 was pretty much the same stuff I had down.
> (Minus 12, last part of 16 and possibly 19)


Lol i went looking for your post through all the 22 pages, turns out you hadn't made one yet! XI Totally misunderstood.

Anyway, yeah... I'm not surprised someone would relate, i mean i'm not too wierd i hope...  12 i'm not so proud of, but hey it's the truth and it's not likely to change. 16... well, same thing there. I've punched a hole in a wall, broken countless mobile phones, dunked a guy ( who was relentlessly hitting on my gf )s head in the toilet and flushed, been in fistfights etc etc. Most people wouldn't suspect it, but i've got a hot temper hidden beneath a tranquil surface.


----------



## INFJane (Apr 6, 2011)

Einstein said:


> What if I have a library full of books but I never read any of them??


Then I'll see right through you when you cant describe the three I pull off your shelf


----------



## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

Athena Avril said:


> 1) The person that I want has to be *good-hearted*, which I can tell from how you treat anyone or any living being that can't give you any benefit.
> 2) You have to *treat me well* - Respect me for who I am and not expect me to change to your liking.
> 3) I will have to be sure that *your family treats me well too*, and I will do the same to your family. This is important to ensure harmony is being maintained.
> 4) I will *not date an addict*, whether it's gambling, alcohol, smoking, sex, or even soft drinks. Addiction to anything that harms your body or mind is a big no-no.
> ...


Meh, forget it. That's impossible to satisfy. I give up! *Tears up my post*


----------



## phony (Nov 28, 2012)

I mentally high five 17 year old me whenever we make out.


----------



## DreamingSoul (Mar 13, 2011)

RetroVortex said:


> I hope that you've gone digital, else it must be a nightmare trying to get anywhere in your house! XD
> (In my house you could literally pull a random draw out or turn on a random device and find games in it. I'm that bad! XD)


I have a nook but it's not the same, if that make sense. I have places for my books haha so no worries


----------



## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

DreamingSoul said:


> I have a nook but it's not the same, if that make sense. I have places for my books haha so no worries


Yeah it does. 
I got a Super Nintendo sitting in my bedroom I randomly go and play when I'm feeling nostalgic. 

And I wish I had more places to put my stuff. My parents often moan when they trip over a controller, or a cable, or my laptop or tablet or something. 
(Its not so much that I'm messy, I just don't have my own room to store things in, so sometimes downstairs you'll see Xbox and PS3 controllers and cases all over the place, a guitar wedged into the table, and my 3DS and Vita on some random surface. Its a miracle I never lose or break anything XD)


----------



## DreamingSoul (Mar 13, 2011)

RetroVortex said:


> Yeah it does.
> I got a Super Nintendo sitting in my bedroom I randomly go and play when I'm feeling nostalgic.
> 
> And I wish I had more places to put my stuff. My parents often moan when they trip over a controller, or a cable, or my laptop or tablet or something.
> (Its not so much that I'm messy, I just don't have my own room to store things in, so sometimes downstairs you'll see Xbox and PS3 controllers and cases all over the place, a guitar wedged into the table, and my 3DS and Vita on some random surface. Its a miracle I never lose or break anything XD)


You can always buy a bin where you can put your gaming stuff in.


----------



## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

DreamingSoul said:


> You can always buy a bin where you can put your gaming stuff in.


I probably need a set of shelves or a cabinet really. 

Or maybe a vault would be more appropriate! XD


----------



## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

1. I will never keep you in the dark about how I feel so just ask me if you're unsure
2. I'm not easy to keep, don't neglect me, I'll certainly never neglect you, unless...
3. ... There is a chance I can lose interest, and I'll tell you so don't worry. This goes back to #1.
4. I'm passionate and easily heated, just talk me down and I'll go back to normal
5. I have a feisty personality, don't take it personally
6. I'll move on from most arguments if you just avoid personal attacks during them
7. I don't need you to tell me you love me if you don't love me. It isn't mandatory to love me to be with me. But if you love me, please tell me.
8. I have a really bad sense of direction both figuratively and emotionally, and I'll need you to be my compass for both. 
9. If you have my heart you can do anything with it, I'd run away anyplace with you. That said...
10. ... Use the power you have over me wisely. I do not take deception with grace. 
11. I'm silly and I want to sing and dance a lot in my house, even at night. You'll need to be OK with that.
12. You'll also need to be OK with ignoring me when I am in a bad mood. I can be callous. 
13. I can tolerate anything but a neat freak. Don't be pushy. I will clean up after myself, if it's really important to you. 
14. It's OK if you're busy with work or school or life, but it's not OK to keep it from me and to just be distant. 
15. I like to take my showers at night... Sorry about the hair dryer at 2am. I mean, I can avoid this if it bothers you.
16. Always let me know if one of my quirks bothers you. I don't change easily, but if I am aware something bothers you, I do my best to stop it or curb it. 
17. You can trust me. You can trust me with anything. And if you feel hesitant about that, I don't know why you'd be with me.
18. I will listen to you and hold you and care for you, please let me know your problems, even if it's in passing (some people aren't as chatty as I am about their problems, but do let me know you have one so I can bake you something or hug you and be on my way)
19. I have a really scary loud laugh. Don't try to change it. Embrace my inner donkey vocals. 
20. I will be good to you. Take care of me.


----------



## Impavida (Dec 29, 2011)

* I usually think relationships are a waste of time and typically avoid them. If I'm even considering you in that context, take it as a compliment. It's a huge one.

* I have deal-breakers and I'm not afraid to use them. I will walk away without hesitation and never look back.

* I'm not broken. Do not try to fix me. 

* I'm not particularly interested in your body. If you want to turn me on, show me your brains, not your biceps.

* I don't trust easily and I'm very private. I will let you in when I'm good and ready and not a moment sooner. If you push me too hard, I'm gone. Even once I trust you, there are parts of myself that I will never share with you. Realize how few people have ever made it past the gates. Tread softly and please don't take advantage of that access.

* Emotions are like a foreign language to me. If I tell you that I don't know what I'm feeling, I mean it. It can take me a long time to process things to the point where I can talk about them.

* Yes, I have a lot of masculine hobbies/interests. Yes, I think and view the world more like a man than a woman. However, that does not make me "one of the guys" so please don't treat me like one of your buddies.

* I have passions and goals for my life. I don't expect you to give up your own to support me, but I do expect you to give me the space I need to pursue them. In return I will do the same for you.

* Personal growth is important to me. If I see you taking steps to better yourself and your life, I will be your biggest supporter. I will not do the heavy lifting for you though. I'm nobody's saviour.


----------



## SisOfNight (Oct 31, 2013)

Interesting how you all can be so open about this. I myself feel this is kind of personal, haha.


----------



## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

1. I love food. Don't order me food anywhere unless you highly recommend it and you're like "Oh, you gotta try this!". None of this "light salad weight watchers" bullshit. 

2. Don't assume anything of me. I'm not that easy to figure out, as easy as I make it seem to be. And nothing pisses me off more than people assuming I'm "angry" at them, and neither them or I have done nothing to cause such an emotion. 

3. I need communication. I will do my best to communicate myself, but it isn't my strongest suit. 

4. If we ever have children, the first things they will learn is English, how to swim, how to read, and a second language, in that order...I can't stress enough the swimming. 

5. I come off as really cold, and it is not your fault. It is entirely mine, so don't blame yourself. I am very confused and very afraid of deepening intimate relationships, and it would be best if you were to accept that and understand it, and work with me. 

6. I REQUIRE sleep at the most every 20 hours. My sleep schedule usually goes with a long period of 4-5 hours of sleep a night, and then a few days of 10-15 hour slumbers. I need that few days, so let me hibernate. 

7. I'm spontaneous, and you better love it. I will go travel across the country at a moment's whim. I've done it before. 

8. I am social, and just because I haven't talked to you all night at a party doesn't mean I've forgotten you. I'll see you later anyways, but the people at the party now is who I get to see now, not later. Don't take it personally.

9. I honestly can't think of anything else to say, other than how I sound incredibly demanding and it's probably why I've never been in a relationship.


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

SisOfNight said:


> Interesting how you all can be so open about this. I myself feel this is kind of personal, haha.


Meh. Some people are afraid to be open. And others are just special snowflakes. I wish I was a special snowflake :'(

Actually, I think I'll add that to my list! 



Dear future partner,

I think you ought to know I'm not a special snowflake. Please don't set me up for heart break with your mismanaged expectations. Of course, if I've committed my loyalty to you, this means you already know and understand me on a deeper level than everyone who came before you.

sincerely, 

your biggest fan


----------



## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

SisOfNight said:


> Interesting how you all can be so open about this. I myself feel this is kind of personal, haha.


Sometimes is good to reflect on yourself and get those flaws out on the table even if no-one is ever going to see nor actually care about what you've actually wrote down.

Infact, while I'm here and in a more positive state of mind, I'll list a few more things:

1. I'm loyal to those I care about. (To a sensible degree of course. I mean if I found out you murdered someone, I would likely tell the police about it or try to get you to hand yourself in. Lets not be dumb here -_- )
2. I'm honest to the point that I'm a terrible liar. At most, I'd only say a minor white lie to protect your feelings, or I knew I could deal with it. 
3. I'm a total scatterbrain. You're going to need to reel me in a bit, nag me a little. I procrastinate a lot. Music normally helps me get going so if I put some music on while I'm doing chores don't get pissy at me I'm just trying to make it a little more fun to do. (I got an ipod as well I'll try to put on. And usually I can't hear a damn thing through those so please don't think I'm ignoring you or anything. Those headphones are just really good at blocking out noise) 
4. I'm a novelty seeker. I like collecting stuff, and researching into my hobbies. Some types might get mad at me for buying lots of small things for myself, usually videogames, but I like spreading my attentions broadly and focusing on the things that are truly special to me. 
5. You NEED to communicate with me. Most problems can be solved by understanding, and I love to talk. I'm not the best instigator though, so you might need to take charge a little bit, at least until I get comfortable enough around you to approach you.
6. I like physical affection, but I don't pry for it. If I knew you were comfortable with it, I'd probably be a bit more cuddly then I normally am, (I get into moods where I just want to hug something), but I'd probably let you instigate it.
7. I might need a bit of convincing, but I'm pretty open-minded. I love novelty and play. I mean I'd be pretty hesitant to skydive for instance (because you know thats jumping out of a damn plane! Eep! I sometimes struggle to climb a ladder up into a loft! X_X), but if you wanted me to watch a movie with you or try out this series you like or go to a theme park, then I'd be pretty game for it. (Amongst other stuff  )
Just don't go trying to violate my views, beliefs, or morals though. (Not a religious person, but like many people, there are lines you just DON'T cross)
8. I'm not very confrontational, and a little masochistic at times. I'm not saying "fight my battles for me", but if you feel I need to be more confrontational about something, then communicate that to me, and if I ask for a bit of support, then I probably need a bit. (I draw strength from those I care about)

9. As you read earlier, I fluctuate between a more artsy but kind of melodramatic passion persona, that performs, to a more practical, sensible and reflective one. It can be a bit tough and odd at first to experience, (especially when I start talking in different voices and ramble on about something), but most people get used to it. I usually need to vent and ride the emotional waves a bit. I sometimes need a bit of faith put into me, because I misplace mine quite often, (amongst other things! XD).

10. I need alone time as well. Time to recharge, maybe spend with my best friend. Play videogames, (though I'd love to play some multi-player and co-op with you too afterwards! ). You know just acknowledge and respect that need please. I'll probably come back to you before long. (If I loved you enough, I'd probably get all lonely and need your affection by the next day! XD)
11. While I don't really see myself becoming a parent any time soon, I don't mind children. Children can be fun, tough and hard work, but fun. I love my family, and still do stuff with mine like a big kid. I still even plan to go on holiday with them this year (despite being 22 going on 23! XD). 
I would want them as part of my life still. I would want you to eventually meet them. (It would be a bit awkward for me right away because my parents can be a bit embarrassing. Especially my mum who would make a big scene out of it because she would be so excited! (maybe even relieved! XD)). But you know, I'd want you to be a part of their lives too. Hopefully they won't eventually turn out like Raymond's parents from "Everybody Loves Raymond", but even if they did, then I think we could deal with them! XD

12. That being said, I don't like to be fussed in public though. I'm a pretty private person. Independent. I don't like the attention being drawn onto me. One time at work, my boss wanted dragged me from my work station to try to give me a reward and take a photo with me to put onto the wall, and I was like:






I did like the money though, which I put towards the Christmas shop with the family.


----------



## braided pain (Jul 6, 2012)

1. I am inconsistent. Not in my habits, but in my moods. Sorry about that. I don't expect you to read my mind, though; if you want to know something, ask. Which leads to...
2. I'm not so great with emotions. If I tell you I don't know how I'm feeling, I'm not trying to shut you out, I really don't know. Give me time to work through it.
3. I need my alone time. Quiet time, darkened room, staring at the walls time. Just give me that time to recharge and I'll be fine.
4. I have a lot of food allergies. I know those chocolate covered strawberries around romantic, but if I eat them I'll be in pain. Please respect that.
5. I'm terribly insecure, jealous, and possessive, especially in the beginning of a relationship. I am aware of these faults and I won't try to control you based on them. I don't blame you for these emotions, but please understand that I can't make them go away. That takes time.
6. Once you do have my trust, you have it completely. But if you betray that trust, you betray it completely, and I will never be able to trust you again.
7. Sometimes I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone. Please challenge me.
8. Compete with me. I don't care if it's by playing Risk or arm wrestling (though I'd much rather lose the latter than the former), I need the thrill of matching myself against you.
9. That last one is in private. In the rest of our lives it's you and me against the world, babe-- let's go forth and conquer it together.
10. If I start getting bossy with you just smile and tell me to fuck off. I will do the same to you.


----------



## musician gal (Jul 11, 2011)

I don't know if I can do 20 things...but here goes: 

1. I looooooove kissing! (my exboyfriend didn't like it...only kissed me a few times in the 7 years that we dated). 

2. I looooove cuddling (my exboyfriend also loved to cuddle...so that was great). 

3. Sometimes I just need to have quiet...but doesn't mean I don't want to be around you, for example, I like to watch tv or movies and just lay my head on the guy's chest and relax. 

4. When I'm hurt...I am quiet 

5. If I don't feel like a man cares about me at all or doesn't want to hear anything I have to say....then I simply don't talk and shut down. 

6. I love encouraging, praising, and complimenting

7. I love sex...but only in the context of a relationship!!! 

8. I love flowers and girly things to show you care (but I'm not going to ask for them...but if it's given to me...I appreciate it so much!!!). 

9. I'm a giver and love to give my love, attention, share whatever I have, etc. 

10. I have to trust a man and know that he loves me before I can let go and enjoy sex and get close

11. I'm happiest when I'm playing my guitar, piano, going for walks, going to the gym

12. I love doing things together (movies, eat, go to museums, concerts, etc.). 

13. I used to play soccer...but I really don't care about sports. If a man wants to watch football and wants me to sit with him....I'll sit with him...but I'll either read a book, play on my laptop or on my phone. 

14. I like to cook for a man and please him

15. I looooooove sci fi shows and movies; British shows and movies...

16. I hate soap opera's, shallow tv shows and movies and shallow reality shows. 

17. I am highly allergic to cigarette smoke...it gives me a bad headache and aggitates my sinuses and asthma. 

18. I love Starbucks!! 

19. I love making out! 

20. I love being outside when it's Spring time....going to the park, going on walks, BBQ, etc. 

whew! made it to 20!!!


----------



## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

I'm not going to give them 20 things,
I'd rather have them find out as they get to know me.
But they should know:

1. I play with my food when I am bored.
2. I daze of mid-conversation, It's not that I am bored,
But I seriously can't keep myself focused a times.
3. I am hard of hearing,
So It'd be better if they get used to hearing the music being a bit louder than their "Usual" xD


----------



## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Laziness for the win.

1. I'm a very serious person. Don't take it personally.
2. No clingy-ness please. Having a life outside of the relationship is super healthy, and I need to maintain my autonomy. 
3. Be honest with me if there's a problem so we can work things out. 
4. Overly sappy romantic things are just not natural ways of showing my affection. But my actions should speak volumes. 
5. I think friendship is an important part of any relationship.
6. Cuddling is nice. Very nice.


----------



## UpstreamSalmon (Jan 8, 2014)

1. I am a hardcore geek. If you respect that, most excellent!

2. Clutter is my natural state of affairs. I will make the shared spaces of our home clutter-free and clean because that is important, as long as I get at least one walk-in closet of pure chaos.

3. I am the most loyal person you will meet. If I have made a commitment to you, I won't cheat physically or emotionally. But I expect the same from you.

4. Fresh fruits and foods with seeds in them make me temporarily ill. I didn't ask to be this way and have tried to change. I'd like to be as vegan as possible given that limitation. And ice cream. I will not give that up. 

5. I love sex. Making you feel great is the biggest turn on there is. But I cannot read your mind, so please be open and communicative. Please don't use sex as a bargaining chip. 

6. I will watch election-night coverage come hell or high water. I will probably yell at the TV if it looks bad. I will apologize now, in advance.

7. I like exercising, but I hate running. Help me find a better way to work out!

8. I like snow, and will never move anywhere where there is little or no snow.

9. I enjoy dancing once in a great while, but get vertigo, so it's not going to be a regular activity.

10. My family is very important. You don't have to like them, or think they are totally normal, but you won't try to lessen my relationship with them. 

11. I have a growing collection of obscure musical instruments that actually get played on a regular basis. They are my children. Harm them and die. Like children, they need love and attention from me. They also need time to express themselves. IE, practice time. Some of these instruments are loud. 

12. My meditation room has a few statues in it. Don't let them freak you out. I will happy to explain their significance. 

13. I believe that bookshelves and books are an integral part of any interior design scheme. 

14. I need more bookshelves. I will need more bookshelves after those. 

15. I have had a few episodes of depression. No, I am OK now, and do not need you to "rescue" me - just be supportive. 

16. If I grow distant, ask me about it. 

17. If you grow distant, help me understand it. Let me help you in whatever way works best.

18. I am still friends with my exes. No, I am not interested at all in "old-flames" - that is why I am with you. I am OK if you are friends with yours too. 

19. Let's go to Alaska. Why not?

20. You are wonderful. And I know it.


----------



## FakeLefty (Aug 19, 2013)

Now let's see how much I can come up with...

1. Unless you have a logical reason for doing so, don't EVER boss me around. 

2. I'm gonna be messy and disorganized. 

3. If you tell me to go look for something, don't expect me to find it quickly.

4. Even though I'm not that mushy and I don't speak the "words of love" I still love you. I just have trouble displaying affection.

5. Feel free to start conversations. If you can find a decently interesting topic to talk about, I can talk for hours.

5. If you're religious, that's fine, but don't try to push your beliefs onto me.

6. If I seem detached and I spend a whole lot of time by myself in my room, it doesn't mean that I'm in a bad mood or in a dire need to be alone. Just come by my room and interact. I won't bite!

7. I take things one day at a time. Don't expect me to come up with extravagant long term plans and don't ask me to predict how things will turn out.

8. If I'm bothered by something, you don't have to come up with a solution. I could come up with a solution eventually. Just listen.

9. I'm inconsistent in my habits, persona, etc. I can be lethargic one day and can trek through the woods tirelessly in subzero temperatures the next day. Expect the unexpected.

10. I can't sleep when it's hot, so I may turn on the fan right next to me, crank up the AC, etc. If you're cold, grab a sweater.

That's all I have so far. Might post more later. This is also making me feel like a prick


----------



## VMScofield (Jan 23, 2014)

1. I don't like physical intimacy. Blame the kid who pinned me to a wall and tried to force a kiss on me.
2. I will NOT have sex before marriage.
3. I can't cook. Microwaves, toasters, ramen, and boiled hotdogs don't really count.
4. I won't hesitate to hit you if you make me mad. Getting hit means you might get scratched with super long nails. I also have a bit of a potty mouth when kids and my parents aren't around.
5. Be supportive of my geeky ways.
6. I have no sense of direction whatsoever.
7. The only person I talk to on the phone regularly is my sister who lives in Oklahoma. I don't like phones.
8. It's extremely difficult to piss me off, but I'm warning you that I scare people when I'm really mad because nobody realizes I've got enough backbone to shout f***er while chasing a thief down long enough to see the direction he went till he was out of sight then call the cops (I handed it over calmly in case he had a knife, but I've no issues with insulting him when he's at a good enough distance). I've been told I sound demonic when I yell.
9. I won't cry in front of you unless somebody dies and even then it's unlikely. If I do cry I'll apologize out of embarrassment. On the rare occasions I cry I try to make sure I'm alone.
10. You're required to kill spiders because they're gross. I like non-venomous snakes.
11. I won't cling to you during horror movies and am probably the one who suggested watching them (I love horror movies). The only one that's ever really scared my was _The Descent_ and the second time around I was perfectly fine.
12. I like superhero movies and love Batman because he kicks butt even though he's a non-powered human. Plus he's got style. I love the 1989 Batmobile; that's a sweet ride.
13. I must have at least one kitty and I don't like hairless cats. Sorry, hairless kitties, but I love fur. I like dogs too, but not as much. If I have to take care of the fish it'll probably die because I forget about it, but I'm good with rodents and I love chinchillas.
14. If you don't like frequent singing then you shouldn't be with me in the first place. I start feeling a little depressed if I can't sing.
15. Don't read my creative writing unless I say you can.
16. Compliments on my looks make me feel awkward and nervous; they're best avoided.
17. I get cold extremely easily and my hands tend to be icy. Mom's literally used my hands as an ice pack when she got overheated.
18. I've been called a Vulcan for a reason.
19. I definitely take after Dad.
20. Don't bother trying to surprise me or keep secrets from me; it'll never work because I read people like books but they can't read me (my closest friends admit I'm an enigma; I read Mom's mind all the time and she can't read me at all).
21. I like to tease and banter.
22. I don't do romance, though I love watching romantic movies (my dad is the same).
23. I don't like jewelry much, but I never take off my _Gurren Lagann_ core drill necklace. Diamonds aren't this girl's best friend; movies are. If you _must_ get me jewelry I like Celtic knots, gold, emeralds, and rubies. I'll wear LotR themed jewelry! Or jewelry made by my sister.
24. If you owned a sword I'd think it'd be cool to hang it over the fireplace (in a den, not the living room). I'm weird like that.
25. I think pointy ears are hot. Blame Spock, Link, and elves.
26. I've fantasized about sex in the captain's chair on the _Enterprise_. And in the DeLorean. And in the cockpit of the _Millennium Falcon_. My Sims had sex in the Tardis in both the past and the future.
27. I love interior design, which is why I love Sims so much; I went nuts building and decorating a Victorian mansion. Victorian is my favorite architectural style as well as my mom's.
28. Don't insult Canada. Victoria, British Columbia, is my namesake and it saved me from being named Pamela and having PMS as my initials.
29. I love roller coasters and laugh on them plus they don't make me sick. Helps that I have an iron gut. 
30. Every time I see a nice cliff I want to stand on top of it because I like heights and the view. This scares my parents. Every time I go to the ocean I scare everyone by going out too far when I'm enjoying the waves. Again my lack of fear is an issue.
31. If I look like I'm about to slit your throat I'm thinking of sadistic ways to put my characters through absolute hell. If I'm writing the story being the favorite is a curse that might just cost you an eye and maybe some other body parts (or your life).
32. Lucky for you and the bank account, I don't like shopping. Unless we're talking food, movies, games, books, or anime/movie/game merchandise. Clothes don't interest me.
33. I'm far from a neat freak and I don't like cleaning at all. I'm not a maid.
34. If you don't like country music you'll just have to deal with it. I don't like rap, but I've learned to live with it.
35. I go nuts over Italian food and don't care about the garlic smell. In fact, I like that smell because it means I get garlic bread.


----------



## DemonD (Jun 12, 2012)

1. Hatred is one of my driving forces.

2. I don't like children.

3. I don't like religion.

4. I am a gamer and anime nerd.

5. I am not expressive.

6. I loathe exercise.

7. I am lazy.

8. I am exceedingly picky.

9. I am negative as hell.

10. You still wanting to be my partner is highly suspicious.

11. I'm not looking for people to murder, this is just my resting face.

12. I probably won't get along with your friends.

13. If I am with you, that means you're high-grade as fuck. Don't forget that!(see #8)

14. As long as it isn't scary, I am probably open to trying some new activity.

15. My senses are very...sensitive.

16. I don't believe in confidence, as such I operate without it.

17. If you're crying, my first instinct will be to run away.

18. Confused is a natural state of mine.

19. If you like sad movies/books/stories there is something wrong with you, and you'll need to go to a correction camp.

20. I love stand up comedy, as such you will be subjected to at least Eddie Izzard and Jimmy Carr...probably more.


----------



## Kingdom Crusader (Jan 4, 2012)

1. I need some alone time to read and reflect on my interests.

2. I'm a lifelong learner and will always be going to school, taking a class here and there at least.

3. I have a nutty family.

4. I have a son.

5. I'm quite cerebral beneath the Fe mask.

6. I want a health science career.

8. I'm a Protestant.

9. I'm not antisemitic.

10. I want to have one or two more children, preferably boys. So yes, I want to have a family someday soon, when I get my stuff together, career wise.

11. My interests extend from the health sciences to the humanities/soft sciences (history, political science/government, psychology, etc).

12. In light of the above, I expect some intellectual conversation at some point.

13. I like to have fun when my head is not in the books.

14. Even though I like to have fun, I still have a need to get things done. I have responsibilities, too.

15. I don't like extreme laziness.

16. I'm not a traditional woman.

17. I want/need my independence, so I don't want to be controlled/told what to do (suggestions are very much welcomed, however).

18. I tend to defer to my mates, but I am not submissive.

19. I do have opinions of my own, so don't expect me to be a mindless drone.

20. If you are expecting me to be welling up with feelings/emotions all the time, may I suggest you try dating an actual Feeler...


----------



## Kittynip (Mar 24, 2013)

1) I don't get offended/angered easily. But! This does *not* allow you to be rude to me, so take care before taking it for granted. Otherwise you'll find that I can offend/anger _OTHERS_ quite easily and I'll have great fun doing it. 

Side note - this also means that if we've had an 'argument', I'll probably have forgotten about it in the next 10 min. Also, I say 'argument' because I may not have even realized we've had an argument. 

2) Children are not my cup of tea. They're lovely and wonderful and everything else delightful, but they belong with their parents and I am not their parent and I will never be their parent. I do not want to parent.

3) The days I feel moody, I'd rather be left alone to dwell on it unless I directly ask for company. I would rather figure things out on my own before being around others again, even if it's with a SO. 

4) I'm blunt and I'm direct. I respect people who let me say what's on my mind and consider what it is I'm trying to say, rather than becoming defensive. I also respect people who do the same for me - tell me what's up! No sugarcoating. Please.

5) I'm sorry but I will never cook unless it's to poison somebody. 

6) I am not religious. I have nothing against religion, but if you attempt to convert me you will come back to a living room covered in pentagrams.

7) I do not like to be controlled and I don't like to control. Let's both keep our independence, alright? If I had to choose one though, I'm much more dominant than submissive. I hate nagging. I hate being nagged.
But seriously. Do. NOT. Ever. Tell. Me. What. To. Do.

8) I laugh about everything. From lighthearted puns to witty remarks, to snarky, often dark jokes - with humor? Almost nearly anything goes so long as it's somewhat cerebral. If you're quick enough to follow where I'm coming from, then I will love bantering with you. 

9) I'm not really a romantic. Grand gestures usually don't do it for me and sometimes make me uncomfortable. I prefer laid back things. Smack me in the back of a head with a stuffed animal that has a note that says: I love you, and I'll hit you with the stuffed animal back and say I love you too. 

10) I am an optimist. I struggle being around negativity. I dislike dwelling on things. 

11) I'm not really comfortable with emotional moments, so if I'm being lighthearted and joking around, it's my way of trying to ease the tension and cheer you up. It's not that I don't care about the gravity of the situation.

12) I am a forever troll. Expect pranks. Many of them grandiose, wholly unnecessary, surprisingly well-thought out, with the only reason for them being: i wuz boreded

13) I'm a thrill-seeker. I will hardly ever turn down a dare and I love trying exciting things. I have a low boredom threshold. 

14) I struggle with ADHD. Seriously. Without taking Ritalin, I have extreme difficulty sitting through a film in a movie theatre. I can't go to museums and remain quiet. I can't really do anything without being in a severely antsy mood, so if my medication's worn off, it'd be nice if we could go somewhere where I can be loud and active. 

My mind will float elsewhere, and it's hard for me to focus on a single topic. I don't mean to be rude. I really don't. I just can't help but turn my head at every sight or sound, but I hope you can see that I'm trying to pay attention. Because I am.

15) I love learning. Everything. 

16) One day I want to be a psychologist. I'm extremely passionate about it! I'll talk about it a lot lot lot.

17) Videogames and food both make me happy. I like eating videogames and playing with food. Yes. That order.

18) Please be patient with me to remember anniversaries. I really am awful at that, I once forgot that it was my birthday. & as for anniversaries/birthdays - I'm not one to be super all out about 'em. 

19) My idea of a wonderful night is to take notes from a textbook we're both reading while taking breaks to netflix neuroscience documentaries. During this period, the Chinese delivery man comes and gives us food for us to eat. We eat the food, and we go back to scribbling notes and theorizing. & then we spontaneously decide to go on a drive down PCH (a Cali freeway) and get some icecream. Run around the beach, hide from the beach cops, and then fall asleep by the cat back at home.

^ By the way, I don't really like planning, so if we actually did have this night, please let's not, because I hate schedules. 

20) I'm disorganized but I try hard to be as tidy as I can. But it's a struggle. I can't do housekeeping things, but I'm working on becoming handy with maintenance.

Whew. lol. 
I'm just lucky my bf does know all these things and still <3's me for it. So guess it's not quite for my 'future' partner. Although if he's my present partner and stays my partner, he's still kind of my future partner. Hah. 

I <3 him back too.


----------



## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

Playful Proxy said:


> 9) I'm kinda weird about PDA in public; I don't want to disturb others. I'm ok with hugging/holding hands, but please understand. When we're alone, I'll be sure to make it up to you.


You see! I'm like that too.
I just don't feel comfortable with nor get why couples have to slobber over each other in public to show affection.
(I work at a super market and its my biggest pet peeve! Its just so rude to me. I'm doing my job here for YOU, the customer, and you're barely even acknowledging my existence. snap out of it and lets get this line moving before I hurl! >:O)


----------



## Randomguy6543 (May 30, 2014)

Why not? Sounds like fun.

1. I'm a work in progress. I'm not looking for perfect! I want us to figure ourselves out together on our own weird and crazy journey.

2. I love lazy afternoons laying around with my girl, snuggled up watching netflix. I'm all for going on random adventures, but nothing's better than having my girl in one arm and my dog in the other.

3. I can get really passionate about the dumbest things, like how to make the most awesome pizza ever. I'll spend hours reading about it. Often I'll forget to eat or take my dog outside. I might even forget that I told you we'd go to the movies tonight to see that one movie you really wanted to see. Please be patient with me, and don't ever forget that I really do love you!

4. I have a really weird sense of humor, some people like it, other people think I'm retarded. Either way I love making you laugh and smile so be prepared for corny jokes and dumb playful banter.

5. I have a serious face sometimes because I'm usually deep in thought, but I'm not a serious person at all. This tends to confuse people a lot, they see this serious looking guy acting like the biggest goof and their brain explodes. Please don't let your brain explode.

6. This one is kind of personal... I've got some trust issues and battle with low self esteem from time to time so sometimes it takes me a while to really open up to people. I probably really like you, but I won't tell you right away because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

7. I'm a pretty accepting person. It always makes me laugh at how surprised people are when they realize this. That really dark secret that you can't tell anyone because you think they're going to judge you for it and never talk to you again? Ya lol that's not me at all, I get it, and even if I don't I won't ever judge you for it because everyone makes mistakes, and we're all just trying to find happiness. I do have boundaries though and I stick to them.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head.


----------



## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

I'm not going to be your mommy or stop wearing make-up and take up a North Face addiction. Not interested in either being you or your mother. Something about that just doesn't get me off. Sorry :/


----------



## SisOfNight (Oct 31, 2013)

*1.* It will take a lot of time to get to know me. You will have to be very patient, as you try to entangle all the different layers of my personality. If we are really emotionally close, you will get to my deepest layers, perhaps even those I have never trusted anyone with before. I hope you will truly appreciate that.

*2.* In return, I long to fully explore the depths of your Self. I understand when you do not want to share everything with me; however, I would like you to explain why you see the need to conceal something. You should not hide something from me that affects the relationship negatively.

*3.* I long to be understood most of all.
Tied to that, I wish you studied my MBTI and Enneagram types. You don't have to be an enthusiast of either, but at least you should know of the types, just so you understand me better. 

*4. *I'm interested in the "darker side" of life, which can be summarized with "Goth". You don't have to be a Goth, not even Alternative, though I would like you to accept this side of me, and love me and find me beautiful not despite of it, but _because_ of it. 

*5.* I am a Cat-person.*

6.* I am an Atheist. 

*7.* My family is religious, which could prove to be problematic if you are an Atheist like myself, or of a different religion than them. You will have to keep up with certain troubles regarding that, but if you are being steadfast about us as a couple, we will be able to go through that.

*8.* I'm Demisexual (or maybe rather Grey-Asexual), so I don't know if I will be as attracted to you physically as I am emotionally and mentally, and if that degree of attraction will be enough for you. I'm sure I will find you incredibly handsome, however I don't know if that will extend to "enough" sexual attraction. 

*9.* I'm a Virgin. That doesn't mean I am a total prude; for example, if you are familiar with it and willing, I would even try out some BDSM stuff with you. Nevertheless, I am a little cautious when it comes to Physical Affection. Again, you have to be a little patient.

*10.* No Intercourse before Marriage. That does not exclude all other kinds of Physical Intimacy...

*11.* Don't forget I am an Introvert. No matter how much I love and want to be with you, I also need my times of solitude. 

*12.* I have Dismissive, sometimes even Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style tendencies. You should be able to handle my Push-and-Pull pattern, and not confuse it with real disinterest in you as a partner.

*13. *I am passionate about movies, musicals, music, books, comics etc. You should expect to discuss (maybe even share) all of that with me, or at least not disregard me for my avid interest in certain fandoms.

*14.* I will very likely ask you to do a Couple Cosplay with me. Please don't refuse it! It would be like a little dream come true. ^^'

*15. *My Love Languages are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. I would melt if you wrote me a poetic love letter. *_*

*16.* I will eagerly support you in achieving your dreams; I wish you to do the same for me.

*17.* I don't do drugs, and never have. That includes Cigarettes, Alcohol, Weed etc., even Coffee. I will keep a distance while you are smoking, though I will not abandon you if you do, though I preferred it if you did not. The same applies to alcohol; coffee is totally fine. I will avoid you entirely if you do drugs like Heroin – sorry, but I will not deal with that.

*18.* I want us to be *Equals*. No (over-)dependency, no hierarchy. The only exception – in the bedroom; I don't mind being a little submissive here.

*19.* My Love Style is "Eros". Yes, I am a Romantic – write me a poem, sing me a song, play an instrument for me, or something else of the like, and I _*melt*_. And yes, my love style tends to be slightly obsessive.

*20.* Me being with you, opposed to me being Single, is a _huge_ compliment of your character. You are so awesome, I *must* be with you, so much so that I even sacrifice my peace of mind for you.

**21. *I love you.


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

That I may or may not snore, not sure. 
Other than that I think I sleep pretty still, so win in the sense I won't knock the shit out of you with restless body movements during the night.


----------



## Fredward (Sep 21, 2013)

1. I make weird, whimpery noises in my sleep sometimes. This is a recent development and it's ass fuck weird. I don't know if it just happens as I'm falling asleep or continues after. I'm pretty self-conscious about it. 

2. I have a progressive disability that effects my life moderately right now and which may or may not impact it more severely the older I get but probably will. 

3. I'm an INTP. That comes with a sublist of like at least 23 things but I'm too lazy to type that shit out now.


----------



## cricket (Jan 10, 2011)

- I have my beliefs, that doesn't make me perfect. Far from it.
- I have fear of vulnerability, and a lot of my therapy derives from that.
- My family is weird, and we have weird relationships that you will never understand.
- My job is a big deal to me, please respect that.
- I am moving to the inner city in the next five years.
- Money is not something I choose to worry about. I do not plan on living a wealthy life. I'm independent, I make enough to live on and pay my bills, and I'm okay with it.
- I have a high libido, and I'm self-conscious about it. I don't take rejection well.
- He can have a "man cave" as long as I get a room to myself too.


----------



## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

Dear Future Non-existant Partner, 

On the off chance I find a parallel universe in which you exist here's what you need to know about me. 

Do not ever, and I mean ever clean out the sewing room. Yes I know it looks like a perfectly good guest room if only there wasn't a tonne of shit everywhere. But that tonne of shit is a carefully catalogued and laid out work room, in which seemingly tiny scraps of fabric are essential to the completion of my projects. It might look like rubbish but it's not. Just never push the envelop on our friendship by trying to be helpful there. 

I'm sorry but you cannot have the shed for your man cave. I'm 100% behind the idea that we build you a man cave of your own design somewhere else in the garden. But the shed is mine and so is the LPG soldering kit, those tools on my workbench and the tempting reams of wire I keep about the place. None of that is to be used to make entertaining objects for your man cave. You need to buy your own tools, materials etc. 

The kitchen must at all times be clutter free. I love to cook, I don't mind cooking for you, but I cannot cook in a mess. It would be a bit awesome if you saw yourself as a bit of hobby chef, and took over the kitchen and declared that to be your special little space and fit it out like a commercial kitchen or something. I could get behind that proclivity and would be okay with not touching your special pans, prized ingredients or whatever. The only thing I ask is that you don't touch my espresso machine. After my cats, that machine is my one true love. No offense.


----------



## raskoolz (May 26, 2014)

Dear Future Partner,

It may occur to you after having known me for some time that I am just a man like any other. 

After a while I may disappoint you, or wear you down with my ceaseless prattling or my weird quirks. 

It is at this particular moment that I would like to apologize for my own behavior and let you know that in the end, I am just a person like you, who also suffers from his own particular difficulties.

I would like you to know that in spite of that, and my own shortcomings, I am a person that tries his best to love you in his own flawed way, and I hope that you can be patient with me.

Yours truly
Raskoolz

p.s. I forgot to throw the trash and pay the bills again, was that supposed to be due today? It's okay we'll figure it out later


----------



## LucasM (Jan 22, 2009)

Oookay.

That my verbal communication is the shits vs pretty much any other form of communication. Top of my head.


----------



## ficsci (May 4, 2011)

I'm mostly submissive, to the point of having had rape fantasies, but I would want to try dominating and pegging you at some point.

Also I'm a virgin, but I want to jump right into the kinky stuff. Shut up I'm old enough.


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

My thread was bumped! :kitteh:

I should probably update this


----------



## SisOfNight (Oct 31, 2013)

P.S: I wish I could delete some of my posts, because they are just not entirely accurate anymore.
I change too much.


----------



## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

- Jokes about babies getting torn apart by dogs can be hilarious if done right. And I do them right. I don't want to feel like I have to walk around on my toes when I'm around you. I enthousiastically embrace what Jung would call my "shadow". And even if you don't embrace yours to the same degree, understand that I must feel comfortable expressing anything around you. I have to censor myself and overplay my Fe around people I don't like every day as it is.
- No complaints about the music that I listen to. It's just sound. I don't care when you listen to music that I have a strong aversion to either. I also like breakcore, noise, speedcore, grindcore, whatever (besides of course a lot of catchy/accessible music/poppy). Accept it. I also like a lot of very depressing, mournful and very dark music. As I said; _it's just sound_. (this is not the same to me as you just simply feeling like listening to something else in particular. I'm completely down with that)
- I only very, very rarely sleep embracing my partner (it happens occasionally and when it works I do enjoy it). I'm very affectionate and physical and cuddly. But I've had problems sleeping since I was a child. Don't expect me to spoon you to sleep and have you fall asleep in my arms, disabling me from getting into a position I need to sleep.
- Related to the above: you can only disturb my sleep for something of utmost importance. I have an incredibly high libido. But getting my sleep trumps sex.
- I'm a gymrat.
- Seriously, I'm a gymrat. Just trust me to know that I also think that there's a life outside of the gym. I can indulge in the pizza and take-out just fine. But I'm still a gymrat and it's a lifestyle that is very important to me and part of the complete package.


----------



## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

ficsci said:


> I'm mostly submissive, to the point of having had rape fantasies, but I would want to try dominating and pegging you at some point.


I hope you'll get to date an ENTJ some day. If only because I think there's something extremely poetic about an INFP pegging an ENTJ.


----------



## ficsci (May 4, 2011)

Derange At 170 said:


> I hope you'll get to date an ENTJ some day. If only because I think there's something extremely poetic about an INFP pegging an ENTJ.


Haha XD
I don't know about dating ENTJs, but that really is poetic isn't it?


----------



## chip (Oct 12, 2011)

1. Please be annoyingly honest about everything, don't skim on the details about who you are. It will be easier for me to know more about you so I can know how to avoid hurting you, even though I make mistakes.

2. If we fight or argue, and I say something out of anger- I will apologize almost immediately because I will not allow those words to seep too deep, even if it's futile like trying to clean up a huge mess that I can't fix right away, I will still try really hard to glue back the pieces I've broken. I can't allow you to resent me, it is the worst fear of mine, that you'll eventually hate me, because if you're harboring that much pain inside- It will kill me emotionally, not being able to help or heal you, especially if the harm came from me.

3. I can wake up completely grouchy and hate the whole world but what I truly need it to be held or hugged for a long time, or to make love with you with a thousand kisses and touches. If you reject me for making love, I will be extremely hurt and start to pull away from you, because my ex's have all done this as a form of punishment.

4. In the past men have raped and molested me, and physically abused me. I should be allowed to talk about these things when I feel triggered, as a release, because i wasn't allowed to talk about it when it happened, I will not be fucking silenced. I will not be oppressed, so you need to really show me that I'm loved, or I'll feel used for sex and start to hate you.

5. Eye contact is crucial for me. I need to know that I'm with a human being and not some jerk who can't even look me in the eyes, the part about feeling used for sex- Yeah, I need a human, not a dick wanting a hole. 

6. I am a demisexual, and while I've had sex on the first or second day of meeting most of my exs out of pressure, scared I would be dumped, if you're the one for me, we will not have intercourse or four play or anything before I get to know you and form a bond. 

7. I am a feminist- That means, No porn, No sexist words, you need to be a feminist, too, or at least respect my beliefs. It would be a huge and great thing if you fell more in love with me for my beliefs. I need you support my fight against patriarchy and maybe even help me with my fight against the oppression of women, trans, black women, racism, etc. I hope you will know why this is so very important to me. 

8. I take random walks at all hours of the night- At 3 am or even 1 am, but I try to be back so I can sleep before 5 am, but this is when I am not working. I would love if you went for a walk with me to talk about the stars and trees, and admire the sounds of wind chimes.

9. I am very spontaneous. Please don't get mad at me when you're talking about something, about black holes or anything scientific and you're extremely interested in it, and I randomly hug you and kiss you deeply because your mind turns me on. Please don't get angry at me when I want to make love with you at least 3 times a day, please don't be mad because I use the term 'make love' over 'fucking' or 'sex' 

10. NEVER invalidate my deep feelings of terror from being traumatized. Never tell me to shut up about how I feel, allow me to get it out or I will fucking hate you and I will start doing this thing where I physically turn away from you, I cannot look you in the eyes, I will feel ashamed of sharing anything with you, it is my way of closing off to prevent myself from being hurt. 

11. I want you all to myself. Please don't ignore me for a long time. I will randomly come to you if you're working on something, like writing etc whatever and wrap my arms around you and kiss your cheek and tell you that I love you or give you little kisses to make you giggle, or smooth your eye brows with my hand and kiss your forehead. I will need you to feel appreciated. 

12. Don't be spiteful. I can be annoying sometimes if we debate or if a fight happens. I hate fights, though. If I argue a lot with you, it's usually when I feel invalidated if you've dismissed my feelings, and I will be relentless until you stop invalidating me. 

13. You will always be on my mind. I will listen to music that reminds me of you, a lot, I will draw you, I will hurt myself to help you feel better but if you hurt me on purpose, that will stop. 

14. Cuddling is very important. I also love to make out randomly. We will shower together or bathe a lot, we will be together a lot if we're compatible. When we hurt each other, I would love very much if we could hug each other and still be loving so we remind each other that we're not hated. 

15. I fart a lot, and if you dislike that and think I'm gross, I will slowly grow distant. I burp, too. Also, I can sometimes grow my leg and armpit hair out, but I usually shave it but I need you to be ok with it being grown out. I don't wear deodorant, either. 

16. I love dirt, bugs (not spiders) and animals and I'm a hippie. I would move with you into the woods and we would make love a lot and live for just each other because the concrete jungle of society chokes me. I also would be nude a lot around you, because in spite of my body image issues, I am a nudist but only around you.

17. I can be messy, but I always clean up, and I am forgetful sometimes so please be gentle with me reminding me that I forgot. 

18. I am very submissive, and I like being controlled (>CONSENSUAL<) during intimate times as long as you're not mean. After making love, I usually cry because of being raped in the past and you need to hold me tightly so I feel safe and protected and cared for. Please tell me you love me, I need to hear it often. Remind me of why you appreciate me. Please don't be angry at me if I want to immediately want to make love again right after, it's how much love I feel for you. I will want you to give me oral a lot as well. Because sometimes I can't stand intercourse because of a surgery I had on my cervix, when I had pre cancer. It hurts sometimes, and oral is more sensual to me and it makes me feel very loved. Yes, I will give as well, depending on how deep our connection is. Don't ever push my head or shoulders down if I do that or I will slap you and stop. Fuck that forceful bullshit. Be gentle with me.

19. I am playful, I tickle and giggle a lot and sometimes I can't stop talking. I will want to wrestle with you and act completely silly like humping you when you're cooking or dressing up in costumes, painting my body, or wearing my bra on my head and acting like a bug, or making funny voices with you, making fart noises, dancing like an idiot, making fun of people who are bigots and racists etc. I don't watch tv, so we won't have a tv. We will play chess together, and if you suck at it, it's ok, it's still stimulating. 

20. I eat a lot. I need to share a bonding with food with you. We can eat in bed, and I will want to feed you fruit  did I mention I'll want to kiss you a lot? Depending on our connection anyway.


----------



## castigat (Aug 26, 2012)

I wouldn't mind trying sadism.
I'm under the trans umbrella.
I'm not having children, and this is non-negotiable.
99% sure I'd be monogamous.
I'm asexual.
I'm also aromantic. My view of relationships and my ideals for them are not the 'norm'.

I'm sure there are other things, but those are the big ones, and half the time I don't even worry about relationships because of them.


----------



## piano (May 21, 2015)

haha good luck


----------



## 172354 (Oct 21, 2014)

That the first man I ever loved is in jail and is getting out soon.....AND IS COMIN FO YO ASS!!

Haha, no, seriously though it did fuck me up quite a bit and now I fear relationships.... 


But..... I love sex, I'm incredibly adventurous, love gaming and sports and animals, and if you give me the time and space I need, I promise I'm worth it <333


----------



## ParetoCaretheStare (Jan 18, 2012)

I truly cannot be with someone I'm physically incompatible with, so bear with me when I say that I need a very tall, broad, athletic guy with broad shoulders and a dominant personality to be able to not let me throw him off me when I get bored, because that particular action gets old, and I'm tired of the same story being re-written with each new relationship. I'm a kapha body type and I enjoy the good life as much as I can, and I try my best to keep my body and mind as healthy as possible, albeit I am in the urban lower working class at the moment. I realize that I need someone who can match the depths of my mind and so forth so please don't try to convince me that you're clear of STDs based on your high school physical ten years ago. Please be an optimistic person permanently, and make sure that I'm "the girl of your dreams" whatever that means because I know I cannot stand to be suffering with someone who is not my type at all and on top of that with an individual who suffers from the same depressing character I endure on a daily basis. I am bilingual and feel that knowing a second language is a bonus to longevity, so if you can add to this opinion perhaps it could help our understanding of one another. Hopefully you can teach me about how to appreciate life so much more than I currently do. Perhaps your passion for life can balance mine, but it's rather doubtful at this day in age and location, since we're all of a sudden living for ourselves, running for our lives. I need someone who truly wants to run away with me for good.


----------



## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

Im a normal person


----------

