# Is my friend going nanners?



## red riding hood (Aug 10, 2009)

I have a friend who I have been close to for many years and I am worried about them. In the past they were rather…. I guess I would say maybe agnostic? but tended toward Christianity, but they have gone to being what they call an Evangelical Christian Fundamentalist over the past few years and they are starting to worry me. 

I believe everyone is entitled to there own religious beliefs, and it is not their devotion or faith that bothers me, but that they seem to be becoming extremely judgmental and condemning and I am not sure what the right word is… it is kind of like arrogant but that is not quite it…they are almost fanatical, and they are beginning to talk more about how we have a responsibility to convert and “save” other people by any means necessary and so on… maybe it is a matter of differences in theology but I just don’t think that is the case…. there is something about their behavior that is kind of creeping me out and I have no idea what to say to them… it is like they are not thinking for themselves at all just listening to religious fundamental jargon and spouting it back…listening to them is like listening to someone in a cult…I mean when someone says my spouse spoke to, looked at, or had a thought about a person of the opposite sex and therefore has committed adultery doesn’t that seem extreme? 

They keep talking to me about things because they know I am Christian and always have been… but I am not an evangelical or fundamentalist (or at least I don’t think so) and the stuff they say I just can’t agree with, and sometimes I actually find a bit offensive… they want me to go to rallies to have prayer in public school and so on, and when I say I will not go because I support a separation of church and state they start telling me how I am just speaking for Satan and so on. It is like they want to force me to believe or behave as they do. 

Am I being overly sensitive to this or would someone else be a bit worried? What would you do in my shoes? What can I do??? They are an adult and so on…. but something about their zeal seems a bit unhealthy???


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

You are correct. Everything above sounds mental. :mellow: I would urge you to be honest, but it will offend them and I think you are aware of this.


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## Simone (Sep 15, 2009)

I for one think you are right to be concerned. Why would a friend call you an agent of Satan for supporting the separation of Church and State (which, by the way, was instituted to protect the Chruch...not the State)? Your post was personal to me because I consider myself a fundamental Christian, yet I'm not sure where I stand on prayer in schools, etc. 
It sounds like these people mean well but have gone off the deep end. It's just me, but I think Christianity needs to be about Jesus first and politics second...if at all.


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

This would worry me too. I would try to continue the friendship, but stick to other conversations most of the time. I don’t see eye to eye on everything with my friends, but we get along anyway.

However, I would find the differences interesting to talk about as long as they were happy with me having a different perspective to them. I would like to know where we are similar and where we are different.

But this can’t really happen if they won’t accept that I have a different point of view, or if they kept re-explaining my point of view through their own filter. You can’t really find any common ground or interesting points of conversation if they just say that you are speaking for Satan.

I suspect the friendship will be very different from now on, and it may get to the point where you get sick of them. Even if this doesn’t happen, you probably won’t be as close as you were before. You might still find plenty of common ground to stay good friends.

Good luck.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

This reminds me of a short story I wrote as an exam in a creative writing class

"'Who Took My Nanner?': The Story of DJ Nanners"

It was the memoirs of the world's premier rapping monkey, DJ Nanner, and his vision for the future generations of the world, and the impact he hopes his music will go on to inspire in youth around the world.

It has nothing to do with your friend, but it just reminded me of that.

My suggestion is to find a preacher, Evangelical would be best, who agrees that your friend should take a more passive role in her religion.

You are _not_ the person to try to talk her down from the edge of the building. I've learned over the years that the lay man is generally ill-equipped to discuss religion, no matter how religious they are.

Preachers and ministers, moreso than even church elders, are specifically trained in the Bible and other religious texts.

He can counter her arguments far more accurately than you can -- using her own Bible against her.

It's the Achilles heel of all Evangelicals. They can't argue with the Bible.

Just bring a raincoat, because there will be lots of crying. It's basically like sending her to one of those self-help seminars. She'll come out of it with a renewed interpretation of religion.

Personally, I find Evangelism to be flawed in thought. It's admirable that they're dedicated, but metaphors other such creative devices are all in the New Testament, and there's a certain interpretation lost over the years through translation. It's not that the translation is incorrect, it's that it's correct -- period rhetoric affects every translation differently. So while it's the literal translation, it takes on a new meaning centuries later.

Not to mention it was translated through two different languages before it ever made it to English... so anything based off of the King James version comes straight through Martin Luther's translation, meaning the cornerstone English translation had to go through both Greek and German to end up where it was.

But anyways, that's not my point.

A minister is far more educated in these things, and can hopefully bring her to her senses. It's not her beliefs so much as what she wants to do with them, so she needs to be talked back into her rightful place as a listener in the pew and not a street-side prophet.

I'd just hate to see her go overboard, ya know? Christianity is one of the best religions, mainly because there's an incredible beauty in its simplicity. The downside of that is that it's easy to get caught up in fanaticism.

Case in point: the Spanish Inquisition, the history of England, the missions to the New World, the Catholic Church, etc...

So you just want to catch her before she's out there with Fred Phelps holding up a God Hates **** sign at a soldier's funeral, ya know? And a minister can throw the text back at whatever it is she's feeling justifies her actions and beliefs.


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## Ben (Aug 23, 2009)

Try not to talk about religion, and make it clear that you don't agree with some of their beliefs -- they can talk about their fanaticism with other fanatics. You probably won't be as close as before this...uh, "development", though.


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## knght990 (Jul 28, 2009)

Sounds pretty scary to me. 

As much as i love long time friends, there is a time to beat them into submission and a time to cut them off like a parasitic twin. 

People change, c'est la vie.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

Another option.

There is hope

Since you are a Christian, fight back with Christianity. When they judge you, go back and quote the Bible which says do not judge They wont be able to argue with that or any other sound argument.It Sounds like the church that they attend is a bit off, possibly a "Shepherding "Church where the Pastor dictates to the congregants what to do and how to think. and a church that thrives on emotionalism. 

Good Luck to You,


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

As soon as a belief system starts advocating the punishment of thought-crime and democratically rally to get their issues of faith issues of public policy, there is definitely some form of imbalance here that is both unrealistic and unsustainable. It may be a losing argument (not due to the strength of the argument but due to the narrow perspective of your dialog partner), but ask them about the secular definition of freedom and what it means to make your own decisions. If you live your life following someone elses script, are you even alive? If an issue of faith becomes law, can any one choose that faith? Seems to undermine itself. If you run out of common ground, I would say cut slingload and move out. There are probably other more compassionate and reasonable people out there in whom you could invest your time, emotions and energy. Ask yourself this: what will be the pay off of sticking with this friend? Anything? Nothing? Frustration? Disappointment?


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

I think your friend has become a bit obsessive with their new beliefs.. and it almost sounds like it could progressively get worse. Talk to them, tell them that you are feeling concerned with the new behavior, and they are being a bit overbearing with how they are coverting people.. and it is botheriong you. 

the key is, keep some positive in it, and maybe.. point your friend in the right direction of how to go about things..


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

This happened to me.
I used to have a friend who was a devout Christian. She knew I wasn't religious and she never tried to push her beliefs on me and I wouldn't mind if she talked about them, such as saying things like: "God knows you're a person Laura." because it's how she truly felt so I didn't mind.
But then about a year or so down the line, she started saying things I didn't like. She wouldn't say the mto me because she knew I would probably call her out. But I would ctach her saying things like: "Homosexuals need to be saved and made to realise that they are sinning." and things like that. But the more somebody argued with her, the stronger her faith became and the more of a fanatic she would become. I felt the best decision was to cut all ties with her. For her to make me happy she would have to change her beliefs and she couldn't do that so I am no longer her friend.
I'm not saying you should completely cut ties with her but maybe distance yoursef? Because usually talking to these people makes it worse and they try to force their beliefs on you more...in my experience anyways.


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## Ninja (Jun 28, 2009)

When people start telling me about invisible creatures and their influence over me, I start to question their judgement. When people start telling me about where I'm going if I don't please those invisible creatures, they aren't spoken to. I wouldn't even try to change your friend/friends. Just like I wouldn't try to change you or anyone else who so fervently believes in something. Let them travel their path.. and you travel yours, and when they collide then be polite as you have been. Allow them to believe they are fighting a holy war at home.. if true wars are with guns they don't know how to wield and are fought abroad or in city streets . Allow them to attempt to make their difference and try to recruit you into a battle they think is worth fighting for. Perhaps even allow them to think that you need to be saved, so that they will feel some sort of importance and in control of their life, and that they truly have a grasp of what's supposed to be.. and what is in the world... As my mother said when I was lil... "They aren't hurting anyone". :laughing: And as I say now.. Even eagles with one wing need to be able to spread their feathers.


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