# Funniest Experience with Sex



## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

sparkles said:


> Ooh.
> 
> Um, I have dog stories.
> 
> ...


I now have a "No Dogs" policy after reading this. It would make me want to douse myself in bleach.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

chibs said:


> yeah that's the sad part of the story... i didn't get to wear the hat.
> 
> but don't worry, i enjoyed it anyway.
> 
> the hat, i mean.


 Aw. 

I would have found that incredibly entertaining.

Yippie kie yie yay. (I know, a cowboy noise, not a brazilian sombrero type noise, but work with me here.)


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I now have a "No Dogs" policy after reading this. It would make me want to douse myself in bleach.


Yep! Dogs received a permanent ban from the boudoir after that.

How gross is it that my partner and I actually found it funny later the same night?

It was funny, if totally nasty.

Wish I could think of the comedian so I could post the clip.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I now have a "No Dogs" policy after reading this. It would make me want to douse myself in bleach.


 Hahahaha I'm sorry, just noticing the irony of this post after the blood comments. 

Oh wait, no penetrative acts occurred... depending on how you define that anyway. The partner suffered the bulk of it. 

I'll just say the dog got all up in our business, caught in the heat of the moment himself. But probably not what you were thinking! His goods didn't even work.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

sparkles said:


> Yep! Dogs received a permanent ban from the boudoir after that.
> 
> How gross is it that my partner and I actually found it funny later the same night?
> 
> ...


I may find it funny if not violated at the same time


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

sparkles said:


> Hahahaha I'm sorry, just noticing the irony of this post after the blood comments.
> 
> Oh wait, no penetrative acts occurred... depending on how you define that anyway. The partner suffered the bulk of it.
> 
> *I'll just say the dog got all up in our business, caught in the heat of the moment himself.* But probably not what you were thinking! His goods didn't even work.


I'm imagining a very excited dog being like, "OH HELL YEAH I'M GONNA JOIN!!!" - you haven't told me the details so I'm assuming the dog wanted to join.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I'm imagining a very excited dog being like, "OH HELL YEAH I'M GONNA JOIN!!!" - you haven't told me the details so I'm assuming the dog wanted to join.


 Pretty much.

Humping the sheets next to us (how sad is it that we DIDN'T make him leave when he did that? heh), and I think he got a little too... curious... about what my partner was up to.

There's another level of irony to it, too. Think about it. What else could be ironic involving a dog and sex? (A position maybe...)

And he had a tendency to want to ... okay this is sick too. He wanted to lick the cleanup towel afterward. We put a stop to that real quick.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Yeah so none of that was funny. Just gross.


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## chibs (Feb 24, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Pretty much.
> 
> Humping the sheets next to us (how sad is it that we DIDN'T make him leave when he did that? heh), and I think he got a little too... curious... about what my partner was up to.
> 
> ...


wow. he wanted to lick the... ? wow.

cool story!


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

sparkles said:


> I was in my fork buddy's room, on the second floor of an older house. I was being a bit loud.
> 
> *Someone yelled up from outside through the open window for us to settle down. Not so funny typing it out but it was funny that night.*
> 
> ...


I'm always expecting something like that to happen to me. Maybe next time we'll open up some windows and make sure the neighborhood knows. Sharing _is_ caring.


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## chibs (Feb 24, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Aw.
> 
> I would have found that incredibly entertaining.
> 
> Yippie kie yie yay. (I know, a cowboy noise, not a brazilian sombrero type noise, but work with me here.)


actually, it is basically a brazilian cowboy hat


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## Tiramesu (Mar 20, 2011)

That is like so sexy. Usually i am not a fan of sexual accessories but this one would be pretty amazing.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

chibs said:


> actually, it is basically a brazilian cowboy hat


I think I would laugh uncontrollably if the person I was having sex with wore this hat and dressed like this...


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## Tiramesu (Mar 20, 2011)

You have something against people who like to dress up and act out some "historical" events xD?


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Tiramesu said:


> You have something against people who like to dress up and act out some "historical" events xD?


No, but I don't want a "Z" etched into my face with a cock.


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## Peacock (Mar 11, 2011)

At the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend and I liked to have sex wherever people would sleep/sit. 
And one time I had just given my boyfriend a blow job and our weed dealer came over and as we were smoking a joint his girlfriend got a funny look on her face and said "Does this taste weird?" Yes.. yes, it does.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

umm..my classy story about fucking in the car for 8 hours and killing the battery with the heat, because I have leather seats and our asses were freezing is pretty funny, looking back...

also, when I was 17 my mom walked in on me and and my go-go dancer ex.Not only did mom not know I was gay, my ex looked like a total stripper,too..and, we were in my parents' bedroom...mom's face-priceless...

Russian winter sex attempts at the park at 4 am, after 3 bottles of 3 star cognac split between two people standing in snow all the way up to their hips, wearing incredible amounts of layers and screaming things like 'i can't find your vagina!' were also pretty damn funny.

The crown, however, goes to that one time I tried giving a blow job....and I just kept seeing myself with a dick in my mouth, the whole damn time, and laughing hysterically in the middle of it. This is when I really knew I was really gay. Poor guy.

I am sure there are novels more...


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> umm..my classy story about fucking in the car for 8 hours and killing the battery with the heat, because I have leather seats and our asses were freezing is pretty funny, looking back...
> 
> also, when I was 17 my mom walked in on me and and my go-go dancer ex.Not only did mom not know I was gay, my ex looked like a total stripper,too..and, we were in my parents' bedroom...mom's face-priceless...
> 
> ...



Priceless..........


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@jack london , for everything else, there is MasterCard.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> @jack london , for everything else, there is MasterCard.


America has corrupted you.

But not the 4am Russian winter sex...


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

Girl at starbucks told me she dreamed about me throwing credit cards at her. She made it seem like a sex dream. 

Does that count?


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@jack london , any girl would say that, bitches be crazey
who is this mysterious girl in starbucks?

I just remembered more hilarious sex stuff, but I think I would have to get a new identity if I revealed them here.and i don't know how to go about doing that, so I won't.


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

All girls at Starbucks are mysterious. One of my favorite people at Starbucks has the best tattoos on her whole arm - crazy beautiful.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@jack london , and blue hair. sounds like my type. too bad one of us is married *insert evil laughter here*

A lot of girls at Starbucks are vanilla sorority chicks, I think. Or yuppie bitches. Both of which are unmysterious and unsexy.


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## freyaliesel (Mar 3, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> jack london , and blue hair. sounds like my type. too bad one of us is married *insert evil laughter here*
> 
> A lot of girls at Starbucks are vanilla sorority chicks, I think. Or yuppie bitches. Both of which are unmysterious and unsexy.


I resent that statement!


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

Which statement and how do you resent it because she used the word "lot" not "all"


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

jack london said:


> Which statement and how do you resent it because she used the word "lot" not "all"


+1.............


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## freyaliesel (Mar 3, 2011)

Ah, see, I misread it as all XD

But anyways, to contribute to the thread...

Friend and I had walked 3 miles from school to the apartment we were staying at and collapsed onto the bed. Things moved on from there, and right in the middle of some fun time, our roommates came up to the window of the room we were in, banged on the window, and yelled in "We know you're f*cking in there! Put some clothes on so you can let us in!"


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## MarkTwain (Mar 16, 2011)

OK, so this didn't happen to me, but it happened to a friend while I was in the room. Hold on, I know that sounds wierd, I'll explain.

Me and a buddy were walking back from a bar with a couple of girls, and they invited us to their dorm room.
My friend, being the "smooth talker" type, got the girl who was REALLY attractive and was handling her alcohol "fairly well."
I got the other. We got there, he started doin' his thang while my girl ended up stationed over a toilet for a couple hours...

So, I'm stuck trying to fall asleep on the futon while my friend is having a pretty good time, but apparently they had drank more once they got back. The beds were lofted, and pretty high up at that, and during the middle this girl falls off him and the bed, and is literally lying face down on the floor for a what seemed like a while (probably like 30 seconds haha). And then what does she do? She climbs up and hops back on. 

Like a champ. hahahaha


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Hahahaha. There was this one time.....hahahahahahaha.....I thought he was someone else. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


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## chibs (Feb 24, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> umm..my classy story about fucking in the car for 8 hours and killing the battery with the heat, because I have leather seats and our asses were freezing is pretty funny, looking back...
> 
> also, when I was 17 my mom walked in on me and and my go-go dancer ex.Not only did mom not know I was gay, my ex looked like a total stripper,too..and, we were in my parents' bedroom...mom's face-priceless...
> 
> ...


awesome. blowjob fails are always a good laugh... i once witnessed a girl spontanously puking while giving head. the guy had the ultimate expression of what the fuck for a second, then he got teary eyes. turns out the girl had one of those where you spit up not only the disagreeing alcoholica but also an insane amount of stomach acid...


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@chibs, eww.

no, I didn't do anything gross like that. Besides sucked a dick for a second and had to mentally slap myself and stop that nonsense
this is _straight_ fail, not _blowjob_ fail..


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@pinkrasputin...why am I not surprised?lol...

I've walked into wrong rooms before, I'll admit..but nothing like that


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

jack london said:


> Girl at starbucks told me she dreamed about me throwing credit cards at her. She made it seem like a sex dream.
> 
> Does that count?


@jack london I think this means she subconsciously sees you as a potential "sugar daddy". She probably doesn't understand she admitted that to you.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Fizz said:


> I think I would laugh uncontrollably if the person I was having sex with wore this hat and dressed like this...



I used to fantasize about Zorro when I was a kid. Okay, so it wasn't quite sex, but it was vaguely sexual in a kinky fetish-related way. I'd be up for that kind of roleplaying, if my partner wanted to feel like Zorro for the night. I'll try almost anything as long as it's with someone I love, trust, and feel loved by.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

snail said:


> I used to fantasize about Zorro when I was a kid. Okay, so it wasn't quite sex, but it was vaguely sexual in a kinky fetish-related way. I'd be up for that kind of roleplaying, if my partner wanted to feel like Zorro for the night. I'll try almost anything as long as it's with someone I love, trust, and feel loved by.


I can see how the costume is sexy but I think I have to be warned beforehand or else they might suffer crippling embarrassment from my ecstatic laughter. I think I would also have to be dressed the part or else it loses credibility.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@Fizz I want to fuck you with my 2-cookie costume on..I got through all the Catholic girls already..pretty plz?:crazy:


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> @Fizz I want to fuck you with my 2-cookie costume on..I got through all the Catholic girls already..pretty plz?:crazy:


I might feel like I'm motorboating giant breasts while being banged. My mind cannot comprehend everything that would be happening


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I might feel like I'm motorboating giant breasts while being banged. My mind cannot comprehend everything that would be happening


@Fizz excuse me? In my cookie costume I said! Motorboating cookies is a very strange concept, but I won't judge, we all have...our preferences
I've never fucked anyone while being dressed as cookies...I think you may be the perfect candidate to appreciate the aesthetic value of that experience..both visually and otherwise.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> @Fizz excuse me? In my cookie costume I said! Motorboating cookies is a very strange concept, but I won't judge, we all have...our preferences
> *I've never fucked anyone while being dressed as cookies*...I think you may be the perfect candidate to appreciate the aesthetic value of that experience..both visually and otherwise.


Can I be dressed like this?










Will you _cookie_ my _monster_?


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## Alexz (Mar 2, 2011)

Oh you ENFPs. :3


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@pinkrasputin, how old's your kid? she's pretty open with you..
my kid sister, who pretty much is my kid, is a total partisan..she would be like..'I would not dignify such questions with an answer' to anything romantic-related. I find that hilarious.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Kr3m1in said:


> , how old's your kid? she's pretty open with you..
> my kid sister, who pretty much is my kid, is a total partisan..she would be like..'I would not dignify such questions with an answer' to anything romantic-related. I find that hilarious.


Yeah, they always do opposite of what you want. I think that is why I was so open with her to begin with. I scared her straight. :crazy:

My daughter is now 14. But she does share a lot with me. She texts me all the time in the middle of class to tell me how hot some guy is,etc. She's got raging hormones right now and fortunately she likes to share every detail of her life with me.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Yeah, they always do opposite of what you want. I think that is why I was so open with her to begin with. I scared her straight. :crazy:
> 
> My daughter is now 14. But she does share a lot with me. She texts me all the time in the middle of class to tell me how hot some guy is,etc. She's got raging hormones right now and fortunately she likes to share every detail of her life with me.


haha, raging hormones run in your fam, it seems
D is 14 as well,close to 15..she asks me a lot of sex-related questions but she never talks about anything that's related to her the other day she found out guys can't go for long and was asking me why women go straight in that case..and I was like honey, I am so the wrong person to ask this..


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Let's see:

7 year-old former stepdaughter walks in on me and her mom, fully nude and doggie-style on top of the bed, our backs to her. We hear her gasp and both turn around and say "it's fine, Mommy is fine, everything is fine. Shut the door and watch tv for a bit, ok?" So she shuts the door after staring at us for longer than she should have, and I continue to a pretty good finish (well, at least it was for me). Afterwards we put on some clothes and go out to talk to her, expecting some trauma and confusion. Instead we see her sitting on the couch with a cheesy smile and looking at us expectantly. She gleefully asks her mom "What are we going to call my baby brother?"

I was hit by a wave of passion while walking through the woods with my college GF. Her pants were off soon enough. When I pulled my head up from between her legs she looked at me and the joy in her face turned to horror. I must have looked like the Joker. Yes, I earned my red wings that day, outdoors even.


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## chibs (Feb 24, 2011)

SlowPoke68 said:


> Let's see:
> 
> 7 year-old former stepdaughter walks in on me and her mom, fully nude and doggie-style on top of the bed, our backs to her. We hear her gasp and both turn around and say "it's fine, Mommy is fine, everything is fine. Shut the door and watch tv for a bit, ok?" So she shuts the door after staring at us for longer than she should have, and I continue to a pretty good finish (well, at least it was for me). Afterwards we put on some clothes and go out to talk to her, expecting some trauma and confusion. Instead we see her sitting on the couch with a cheesy smile and looking at us expectantly. She gleefully asks her mom "What are we going to call my baby brother?"
> 
> I was hit by a wave of passion while walking through the woods with my college GF. Her pants were off soon enough. When I pulled my head up from between her legs she looked at me and the joy in her face turned to horror. I must have looked like the Joker. Yes, I earned my red wings that day, outdoors even.


haha  

'why sssso ssserriousss?'


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Okay, I now have a little crush on @SlowPoke68. I gotta admire the man's commitment. :laughing:


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

SlowPoke68 said:


> I was hit by a wave of passion while walking through the woods with my college GF. Her pants were off soon enough. *When I pulled my head up from between her legs she looked at me and the joy in her face turned to horror. I must have looked like the Joker. Yes, I earned my red wings that day, outdoors even.*


You both, made and ruined my day.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

I live in an on-campus apartment and my bed has been broken for a couple of weeks, but still able to be slept in, so I avoided calling maintenance like the procrastinator I am. Unbeknownst to me, my roommates called, and two young dudes show up to fix it this morning, leaving me to just roll out of bed, unable to do damage control. Slowly, as they pull out my bed and take off the boards, exposing everything under the bed, I realize:

1) Purple dildo = in sight
2) Box from purple dildo displaying exactly what it is, in case they were wondering = in sight
3) Empty condom wrappers = in sight 
4) Scarves tied to bed on one side = yup

When they left, they told me to _be gentle_ with my bed from here on out.

This was all less than thirty minutes ago. I'm still blushing. :crying:


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

vivacissimamente said:


> I live in an on-campus apartment and my bed has been broken for a couple of weeks, but still able to be slept in, so I avoided calling maintenance like the procrastinator I am. Unbeknownst to me, my roommates called, and two young dudes show up to fix it this morning, leaving me to just roll out of bed, unable to do damage control. Slowly, as they pull out my bed and take off the boards, exposing everything under the bed, I realize:
> 
> 1) Purple dildo = in sight
> 2) Box from purple dildo displaying exactly what it is, in case they were wondering = in sight
> ...


Epic. LOL...

I actually when I first had an apartment had a roommate move in with me until she could find her own place. She was a friend and co-worker, it would have been nice to be more but that concept was apparently not in her mind. Anyways, I can't remember why but it had to be important enough (I wouldn't just walk into someone's room, even though technically it was mine but I gave it to her and I took the couch) anyways, walked in to wake her up for something, I think the phone (it was her mom who said it was important). She moved the comforter and there was a dildo sitting between her legs, apparently she fell asleep while playing with herself she told me. LOL....


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Ew. Roommate stories gross me out. Thank you for reminding me why I could never do the roommate thing. I think I did it for six months when I first left for college, but after that- no thank you. Having my friends have sex around me and masturbating is just nasty. However, I did move in with most of my boyfriends after that. Lol.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

vivacissimamente said:


> I live in an on-campus apartment and my bed has been broken for a couple of weeks, but still able to be slept in, so I avoided calling maintenance like the procrastinator I am. Unbeknownst to me, my roommates called, and two young dudes show up to fix it this morning, leaving me to just roll out of bed, unable to do damage control. Slowly, as they pull out my bed and take off the boards, exposing everything under the bed, I realize:
> 
> 1) Purple dildo = in sight
> 2) Box from purple dildo displaying exactly what it is, in case they were wondering = in sight
> ...


That's why I have a handy dandy makeup box. It's like 9.5x6.5x7, not sure if that's supposed to go in some order. I keep it well hidden and who looks at a makeup box and thinks there would be anything other than makeup in it? Except me of course. It's great for travel too. And the wrappers, well, I can't help you with that one. I'm not your maid.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Ew. Roommate stories gross me out. Thank you for reminding me why I could never do the roommate thing. I think I did it for six months when I first left for college, but after that- no thank you. Having my friends have sex around me and masturbating is just nasty. However, I did move in with most of my boyfriends after that. Lol.


I have some friends that I can't imagine ever have a sexual thought and I'd like to keep it that way.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Okay, you don't know humiliation until you come home, find your house broken into. You can't touch anything before the cops arrive. Amongst everything else, your "sin drawer" was pulled out and all it's contents were spread on the bed. Cops come over first, take notes and also have to leave it as is. Then you have to wait for the crime scene investigators to come and take pictures. They dust and fingerprint a few "things". If you're really lucky, they might even have to take a few things as evidence. 

Yeah ^^^ my May 2010.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Okay, you don't know humiliation until you come home, find your house broken into. You can't touch anything before the cops arrive. Amongst everything else, your "sin drawer" was pulled out and all it's contents were spread on the bed. Cops come over first take note and also have to leave it as is. Then you have to wait for the crime scene investigators to come and take pictures. They dust and fingerprint a few "things". If you're really lucky, they might even have to take a few things as evidence.
> 
> Yeah ^^^ my May 2010.


I feel significantly better about my "eventful" morning.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

vivacissimamente said:


> I feel significantly better about my "eventful" morning.


Lol. You're welcome. 

Also, when discovering my "sin drawer", cops had to distinguish if it was a "love crime". Which means they actually asked me to "Give a list of previous lovers." 

Even though the cops tried to empathize and admitted to me they had a sin drawer too, YOU KNOW THEY SO JUDGED ME!! :angry:


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Lol. You're welcome.
> 
> Also, when discovering my "sin drawer", cops had to distinguish if it was a "love crime". Which means they actually asked me to "Give a list of previous lovers."
> 
> Even though the cops tried to empathize and admitted to me they had a sin drawer too, YOU KNOW THEY SO JUDGED ME!! :angry:


If I ever felt like someone might break into my home and find my "sin" drawer, I would put some things in there to really throw them off. Add random things like some fake mustaches, a rubber chicken, and a corkscrew. But when the police arrive, they'll be just as flabbergasted by the contents. Anything to amuse myself.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Fizz said:


> If I ever felt like someone might break into my home and find my "sin" drawer, I would put some things in there to really throw them off. Add random things like some fake mustaches, a rubber chicken, and a corkscrew. But when the police arrive, they'll be just as flabbergasted by the contents. Anything to amuse myself.


That would be hilarious. 
And no, I never felt like some one would ever go through my house. It was a very nice neighborhood and I had an alarm system. But you just never know. 

There were lots of drawers overturned. That was just one of them. And I'm not even sure that a rubber chicken would ever take away from this striking visual laying on the bed: Amazon.com: Ball & Chain, Get Nasty! Game: Health & Personal Care

I mean, I have to hand it to the cops for not laughing. Who cares about condoms and dildos? That ^^^^ crap is effing funny. Oy. I'm so glad I can almost laugh about it now.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Wrappers?

I was sent through the TSA metal detector at the airport three times until the inspector winked at me while asking "are you sure you emptied EVERYTHING out of your pockets?" There was an attractive woman behind me who blushed when I pulled out a little gold wrapper out of one pocket in my cargo shorts.

Then there was the time they found a bottle of gel I had forgotten to put in my little 1-quart baggie. I suppose if it had only been KY it would have been a little more discreet than what it did say on it. I got a little laugh out of that.


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## Rogue Eagle (Oct 14, 2009)

apologies if too direct.

a girl was going down on me and I got a massive cramp in my leg part way through, she thought I was reaching my uhh 'heightened point' and sped up, making the pain so much worse! oh dear god. ><


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

nikkiannpet said:


> Oh Lord, what were you in the middle of? ;o


well just undressing/transitioning to foreplay, but the girl was an exotic dancer and had her work outfit on, so that was the terrifying thing for the parent, I bet

It wasn't much of an outfit, of course.


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## nikkiannpet (Mar 22, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> well just undressing/transitioning to foreplay, but the girl was an exotic dancer and had her work outfit on, so that was the terrifying thing for the parent, I bet
> 
> It wasn't much of an outfit, of course.


Oh were you an adult by then?


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

nikkiannpet said:


> Oh were you an adult by then?


a _what_?!

i was 16 or 17, the girl was 24..I don't know what adult means, I'm pretty sure with my kind of life, I was always one.
And yes, we were in the parent bedroom, too.
That may or may not add some charm to the story


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## nikkiannpet (Mar 22, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> a _what_?!
> 
> i was 16 or 17, the girl was 24..I don't know what adult means, I'm pretty sure with my kind of life, I was always one.
> And yes, we were in the parent bedroom, too.
> That may or may not add some charm to the story


I was assuming you were maybe 20 xD so sorry.
Thats a funny story though, I guess it ended from there huh.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

nikkiannpet said:


> I was assuming you were maybe 20 xD so sorry.
> Thats a funny story though, I guess it ended from there huh.


Age is pretty strange thing in my life.I didn't have much parents, I mean they were there and all, but I ended up raising myself and the younger kid for the most part.

So I started doing adult things pretty early.

From then on, ma said 'the less I know about your women, the better I sleep'..and that's been our resolution on the issue.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> Age is pretty strange thing in my life.I didn't have much parents, I mean they were there and all, but I ended up raising myself and the younger kid for the most part.
> 
> So I started doing adult things pretty early.
> 
> From then on, ma said *'the less I know about your women, the better I sleep'*..and that's been our resolution on the issue.


Imagining that said in a Russian accent is not hard at all. Basically any accent works with that one.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Fizz said:


> Imagining that said in a Russian accent is not hard at all. Basically any accent works with that one.


haha, me and ma speak Russian, though.

Her ordering in restaurants, though, is epic..this one time she told the waiter ' I will be shrimp tonight'..I almost fell over from laughter and embarrassment.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

I was watching Big Bang Theory today and when Penny was having her sexual exploits being posted on the internet it was describing the places she'd done it and Leonard said something about a subay whether it was Subway or a subway and the first thing that occured to me was "hey I've done that!" (Subway, not a subway...yet) It's funny to me because it was on the boss' desk and well we didn't exactly clean it off afterward and I can't help but imagine someone working there not knowing there was probably some leftovers from that night...


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## pukainthewall (Feb 10, 2011)

Me and my gf (now ex) were going to the movies. She gave me head while I drove. When we got there I still had not finished. This was in San fran. She was determined to finish me off. As I was looking for street parking, it felt way to great to care about anything else. I tried to parallel park. I pulled in crooked and tried to straighten out, giving it another try. What made it a challenge was it was a little manual shift hatchback, I had my arm constantly shifting underneath her and over her as she leaned over. People were just walking by(not sure if they noticed) going to the movies. I finally gave up on the parking job. My car was extremely crooked sticking out into the left lane. She was still going strong. I was trying not to laugh as I saw groups of people walk by and cars slow down, then drive around my unfinished park job. I finally came, she swallowed, we got tidy, I did a legit parallel park, then we went to watch a movie. Good times.


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## z5500x4 (Dec 7, 2010)

The guy I was dating sprayed silly string at me. It was awesome :d. I also thought it was funny when he was groping me with his foot and his mother kept walk in and out of the patio like nothing was happening. Ha ha ha ha.


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## Naama (Dec 5, 2010)

Fizz said:


> I think I would laugh uncontrollably if the person I was having sex with wore this hat and dressed like this...


this >









just had to do it
:laughing:


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

I can remember two occasions when I was so afraid of rejection that I would not admit the pain caused by my date. The first time I helped my date up onto the hayride wagon and her foot caught me square in the family jewels. Despite the trouble I was having taking a breath and maintaining a reasonable color in my face I said, "I'm okay."
A similar occasion happened involving the spillage of hot tea on the same anatomy. 
Would is the normal reaction of a woman who has just truly by accident inflicted great pain upon her date's very sensitive anatomy? Should I have showed my vulnerability? What would the consequences have been then? This all assumes both incidents were accidental (which I believe they were). 
Digger Blue


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

It was not sex per se, but an innuendo.

My ex was posing for a picture (INTJ serious guy). As he was standing there, I told him that his face was dry and cracked and needed some lotion.

I dabbled a few drops of lotion all over his face here and there (made it look like a cum shot). He smiled gleefully into the camera.

Voila. His first cum shot. Literally. It was a cute picture that reminds me of dirty anime porn.


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## TheBly (Dec 11, 2010)

Gf and me were skinny dipping late at night in community pool (often found in upper class suburbia). We got naked, and before we got in, we set off a motion sensor and the lights came on. I was so scared I JUMPED over the fence that surrounded the pool, while she just stood there knowing the light would go off...


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

I never underestimate the Fizz!


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Digger Blue said:


> I never underestimate the Fizz!


What did I do now?


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@Fizz I forget to tell you about that one time, in the tanning bed. You'd think it would be reasonably comfortable, but it so wasn't.

And, I got burned..very strategically, in the most involved places. And mostly by that I mean my ass.
It hurt to sit for like..a week.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

You're way too cool, Babe!


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## gravitycantforget (Oct 24, 2010)

my funniest experience is NOT during sex but afterwards...I was with my wife and we were talking with friends about trying for a baby when my wife innocently started talking about me "banging away for hours" - it was a weird mix of pride and embarassment


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Again, never underestimate The Fizz!
Digger Blue


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