# Did you want to be your type?



## Daeva (Apr 18, 2011)

For the largest part of me studying the Enneagram, I pretty much ignored looking into the types 5 and 1. With 5, it wasn't because of a preference _for_ or _against_, but rather a lack of preference. It was clear enough that this wasn't my type, and I figured I'd learn more about it by proximity, by learning about the system as a whole.

As for E1, that's a very different thing. I recognized what the archetype stood for. I saw the self-righteous indignation. I saw the potential for zealotry. I saw the overly judgmental, overly critical, bigot.
It's interesting that I didn't project these qualities onto actual 1's I know. Most of them are pretty cool people, and while I could tell their tension, their repressed critique, I never felt as if that was much of a trigger. For some reason, I kept my own bias against the archetype separate from the people.

I still have a very strong reaction against feelings of self-righteousness and zealotry. It's the very part of myself I hate the most that I project onto the world.

--

E4 and E7 came easy to me. They felt natural. They were obvious. But there also wasn't much resistance. They never truly hit my biggest _hurt_.

--

I typed at E9 for a good while, as that type _did_ touch upon a very painful reality. Interestingly enough, I've never had a bias against the type the same way I had against E1. Yet it felt more painful, more distressing, more agonizing to me, typing this way. I could see my most painful flaws, but none of the potential for growth. It just wasn't there for me. Of course, what also wasn't there for me was the core of the type... 

Now that I type at E1, my flawed self is very much there, the way I don't live up to my own ideal. What I hate about myself is there, but in contrast to typing at 9, _what I love about myself is also there_!
It makes it so that I have a lot of mixed feelings on whether or not I would "want" to be this type. But I can say that, most of all, I feel relieved that I can finally see myself in my system, in my worldview. I recognize my archetype very clearly now, and my understanding of not only myself, by also that of the Enneagram has grown a tremendous amount by finding this pattern. It was the missing element. The key to unraveling new dimensions of understanding.

I always said I was my own blindspot. Now, by typing correctly, this blindspot has been brought into daylight.


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## Spiren (May 12, 2016)

I always make it a point to take the test first therefore I didn't have any preference and it's one less way of causing the results to be biased. Any implications from the questions served as enjoyment, when trying to match them to whatever it is I perceived the test to be trying to decipher, later on when reading the theory. 

Recently, my partner took the test and got 4w5 sx/sp. His reaction on reading through the stages of disintegration was along the lines of, 'Fucking hell, this sounds terribly like me and yet it is devastating' that it resonates that strongly with his experience that he could imagine himself dissenting right down into that abyss of level 9.

^ That was precisely my reaction on reading about type 5 lmao. He didn't say much more on it but brings it up every now and then, so it seems to have hit him personally. I've seen this pattern with others I've introduced the test to.

For me, yes, it was a step close enough to the abyss to peer down into that engulfing darkness and yet I realise we both looked at the negatives as our first impression. The Enneagram profiles are written in a rather negative style however so this isn't an unwarranted reaction. Overall, I found it enlightening in the simplistic nature of the theory and ruminated over it for months, while drawing ideas from it myself, before returning to it and reading over it some more. Obviously, by that time I had the chance to explore whether the type fit and I am near certain it does; sometimes I think I am more balanced wings than 5w6.

I don't feel any distaste for my type, I know what I am and knew this before I read about Enneagram or MBTI. I'd rather not reject myself and like who I am, it's not about that - these theories serve as a way of understanding myself in a coherent (arguable) way that allows me to reference back and build upon real changes. Similarly, it's just another way of making that bridge between understanding others a little easier to pass. The questions posed by the Enneagram are very enjoyable to explore and link into all the other theories and findings in neuroscience and psychology. The human mind fascinates me. By extension, looking into that abyss is both terrifying and a compulsion.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

Well, I really didn't want to be seen as the persnickety, picky, hoity toity grammarian sort of person because that isn't how I see myself in the _slightest_. It's not like I wear fucking reading glasses down to my nose and peer over other people like I'm right and they're not, or pick every piece of dust from my bedroom with tweezers. It's not like I'm some evangelical extremist shoving "Praise the Lord" pamphlets in peoples' faces either, or like I run around acting like I care more about social justice than I do. It's not like I go around telling little kids to color within the lines, or they'll break a rule. It's not like I have an actual imaginary "inner critic on my shoulder" or any of that blubbering nonsense from Riso Hudson. It's not even like I think or philosophize much at all about morals, or ethics (although I do try to do what I think the right thing is). 

In case you couldn't tell, I can't stand 1 stereotypes. I think they're a bunch of bullshit, and no, in no way shape or form did I ever want to self-identify with them and still don't. Most 1's I've met, by the way, _including_ MBTI SJ's, aren't like those stereotypes either. Most of them are extremely autonomous, self-directed, intense people with great drive and sense of purpose, with a sense of rigidity and yes, a lot of inner tension. Others I've met are more overtly self-constrained and cyborg-like, but even still, directed. 

When I found out what my type was really about, there really wasn't an inner push to be anyone different. It felt more natural not to wonder what it would be like to be another type. I really didn't want to fit the stereotype, but that firstly isn't actually the type, and secondly never fit me anyway which I assumed had to be possible of people identifying as any of the 9 types. Because of that it never occurred to me to want traits of another type. I see and _know_ every day how my habits associate with the type, and know I cannot change those habits so what's the point of wanting to be another type? Nothing in the theory ever set your personal qualities in stone to begin with. 

The real essence of being a 1 has its high sides and low ones and I'm honestly without preference to them, viewing my type as reality instead of what could have been something else. I love the energy my type gives me, the pragmatism, seeing the fruits of working hard to make things around me better, being orderly and precise. I hate it when my type causes me tunnel vision, makes it hard to not get lathered up and upset, causes me to damage my relationships with others, not be sensitive and caring to others' wants and needs, bottling up wants to the point where they leak out anyway in more destructive forms than they would have had they been let out healthfully as-is. I truly believe all 9 types have these similar, balanced pros and cons.


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## nburns (Dec 4, 2015)

Animal said:


> It was hard to accept the core of me.. I hated it in others.. I expressed it all over the place yet denied it at the same time. *The moment my mother saw enneagram, she said "You're the envy type, obviously" .. and I ripped her head off.*


^^ This made me LOL.

I was perfectly happy with my type. I was already aware of what my personality was like, so there were no surprises there. I was just happy that the Enneagram had a type that fit me so well.

If you hate your type, it's probably because you have been in denial.

Plus, I thought the Enneagram was cool in a detached, science-y sort of way. The better it describes reality, the more interesting it is.


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## nburns (Dec 4, 2015)

Figure said:


> Well, I really didn't want to be seen as the persnickety, picky, hoity toity grammarian sort of person because that isn't how I see myself in the _slightest_. It's not like I wear fucking reading glasses down to my nose and peer over other people like I'm right and they're not, or pick every piece of dust from my bedroom with tweezers. It's not like I'm some evangelical extremist shoving "Praise the Lord" pamphlets in peoples' faces either, or like I run around acting like I care more about social justice than I do. It's not like I go around telling little kids to color within the lines, or they'll break a rule. It's not like I have an actual imaginary "inner critic on my shoulder" or any of that blubbering nonsense from Riso Hudson. It's not even like I think or philosophize much at all about morals, or ethics (although I do try to do what I think the right thing is).


The most defining characteristic of 1 is the anger/wrath IMO. I can feel some of that anger coming through in your post. :wink:


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## sometimes (Dec 26, 2013)

Earthious said:


> I'm having a lot of trouble interpreting this question. Probably the tenses.


I'm just asking how you felt about your type when you were deciding on it? When you decided on it? and how you feel about it now?

You don't have to answer how you felt about it all all the different stages if it's not appropriate or you don't want to but that's what I'm asking. For example someone could have figured out their type immediately and that could have happened right before posting here in which case there would only be one 'tense' that they would be answering for as the other stages wouldn't exist.

Is that what you didn't understand?


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## Finny (Jul 17, 2015)

I can see pros and cons of all the types. I was a Type 1w2, and as I liked that I held such strong values and stood up for what was right, I realized I was trying to impose my idea of right and wrong on others. Now as a Type 5w4, I like that I can see and understand different perspectives, however, I am more indecisive and it's harder for me to defend/stand up for things or choose a side. 

So, I think really a lot of people see more of the negatives in themselves and their own type, and usually have a few types they idealize and or look up to so they see more of the positives in other types or a select couple types.


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

I didn't know about all of the types before taking the test (which said I am a Four). Then I read about Fours. It was difficult to deal with at first.

A few years prior to actually taking the test/learning about enneagram, I read the "labels" for each type (Reformer, Helper, Performer, etc etc). I remember wanting to be a Helper (2), which is hee-larious in retrospect, because that was during a very unhealthy time in life, where I was probably constantly disintegrating. 

Nowadays, I'm okay with being a Four (but I'm always a little embarrassed when I am introducing someone to enneagram, because they usually ask my type, and I know they'll go read about it). I think it is pointless to "want" to be any other type because their problems would be no less painful or difficult to overcome. Just... different. I'm glad I'm not a One, which I should probably reflect on a bit more, seeing as I have that integration line to it...


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

When I first started looking into the Enneagram, I took a test first (like several people who also did this, I wanted _some_ kind of pretense of "I don't *actually* know which answer means what", which I can only get the one time). The results were given in percentages for each type, and the types were explained in buzzwords, like "I want to be helpful and caring" for type 2 or "I need to be having fun in my life" for type 7 or whatever (the only ones I actually remember are below) (and yes, these are useless and gross, but w/e, I didn't know that yet). 

I scored very high on 6 - "I want to be safe and secure" - and very low on type 8 - "I need to be strong and in control" - and I was so _relieved_. I even showed my best friend, and like very literally said, "Look, M! It's not that I need to be in control, I just want to be _safe_!"

I didn't want to be an 8. I really just _didn't _
want 
to be
an 8.


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Sure, yeah! I take a perverse sort of pride in being a rule-abiding, soft-edged, completely harmless person, so being a 6w7 So/Sp fulfills that desire nicely. It's also kind of cool being the type known for being stuck inside of their own head as well, since that _almost_ sounds the same as saying we're smart. Strokes the ego, you know? 

My nerouses are my own. I wouldn't want to deal with another set of issues because I'd have to be a different person. No thanks; I like being me.


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## INFJenNiFer (Feb 20, 2016)

I wanted to be a 5, but I love being a 9 now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## nburns (Dec 4, 2015)

Stellafera said:


> Sure, yeah! I take a perverse sort of pride in being a rule-abiding, soft-edged, completely harmless person, so being a 6w7 So/Sp fulfills that desire nicely.


Who told you that 6s are harmless?


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

nburns said:


> Who told you that 6s are harmless?


Social-first 6s are stereotyped as being pretty Lawful Good in temperament. Plus, the current results of the "which types are most evil" thread has us as dead last with 0 votes, so it's the general image.


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## Peace Maker (Mar 22, 2016)

I initially looked at the system and thought of it as unuseful if in addition to already taking an interest in MBTI.

I settled myself as a type 5 to begin with, because of how 'science-y' and detached it is. But I mistaken myself, so I dismissed the deviations from a 5 with the idea that the system will probably not fit very well if I were able to look through self-confirmation bias. But a while ago I realised that I don't 'wish to be an observer' like the 5. I think it helped me relate to what I want to do with my life when I started seeing myself as a 4w5 instead of 5w4.

The way I am INTP and type 4 at the same time doesn't really clash like I imagined it should. The only trouble is that as explained by the typing, I do crave a sort of deep social connection, and the INTP tendencies only eccentuates the impossibility to form connections at a satisfying level.


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## marckos (May 6, 2011)

No i dont, screw my type dude double super-ego (6-1) and still loking for my heart type and if it happens to be a 2...Holly Molly:sad:.
Like most people here i too wanted to be a 5 or an 8.


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## nburns (Dec 4, 2015)

Stellafera said:


> Social-first 6s are stereotyped as being pretty Lawful Good in temperament. Plus, the current results of the "which types are most evil" thread has us as dead last with 0 votes, so it's the general image.


6s are able to do a lot of damage IME.


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## piscesfish (Nov 30, 2013)

I'm definitely happy being a 1. I know when I took my first Enneagram test, way back before I learned about the system, just seeing the label "The Perfectionist" assured me that this was my type. I would have been disappointed had I not scored a 1, to be honest.

Is there another type I'd like to be? The idea of being a 3 or an 8 seems exciting, and I wouldn't want to be a 4 or a 7. But I don't think I would *want* to be another type, since that would mean my entire personality would change. If I switched to any other enneagram type, I simply wouldn't be me anymore, and the power of a 3 or an 8 isn't worth the 1 traits I would be giving up. Again, I'm really quite happy being #1


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## SolitaryNight (May 14, 2015)

Nope, I definitely didn't want to be a nine, it was the only type I had an immense aversion to. When I first found enneagram, most of the tests I took said 6. When I started reading the articles I glossed them over to get an idea of the types. I didn't even want to read too far into 9 because it seemed so dull and depressing. I thought I was a six because it seemed to describe me and my problem areas very well and I was actually proud to be a 6, then I learned more about the core, found out it didn't suit me and none of the others really suited me either so I had to turn to nine and then I got run over by a ten ton truck. If I had to choose another type I'd probably choose 6. but I've warmed up to nine and have grown to like it. It's a love-hate relationship.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Your type should feel very uncomfortable.
It is after all pointing out your biggest hangup in life.

And yeah realizing what 9 was about was very traumatic for me.
I didn't have a very adverse reaction at first, because I didn't get it.
Someone said i was a 9 and I was thinking that the enneagram was like this mumbojumbo anyway.
Only when I read Naranjo did it sink in.


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Strontphite said:


> Your type should feel very uncomfortable.
> It is after all pointing out your biggest hangup in life.


I'm not so sure about this. I feel like I tend to be hyper-aware of the tendencies of my type, but often lack the inclination to work against them (since operating in a type 6 framework is easy and comfortable). Enneagram was more helpful in leading me to understand that _not everyone_ is actually a Type 6 inside and my behavior is somewhat unusual. Besides, at higher levels of health, it's not too bad of a thing to be me.

Figuring out my enneagram type was sort of a "well duh" experience.


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