# Brother has a gambling addiction ((gacha games)) and it's stressing me out



## Hurricane Matthew (Nov 9, 2012)

So... in the past year and a half ((but maybe longer)), my brother has gotten extremely addicted to free-to-play mobile gacha games. For those of you who don't know what these are, they're simplistic, often repetitive ((and not even that great imo)) games for your phone involving anime-style characters who you can collect and do things with within the game. You obtain characters by using set amounts of in-game currency ((they have different names depending on the game, but lets just call them gems for now)) to gamble away at "gachas", which give you a set number of randomly rolled characters each time you use gems on them. You can earn gems within these games simply by playing through quests and events, but where these free-to-play games make their money is by selling gems for real world currency where players can buy gems and therefore have more chances at getting the character they want. A lot of the times, the rarest, best and most desired characters have really low odds of being rolled, maybe only 1%-5% or even less. The price per roll ((if using real world currency)) varies from game to game but you can expect $50-$60 for one standard gacha roll, which will be about 10 characters, each having very low odds of being the one the person wanted to get from the gacha. Basically, it's a form of gambling and run in the same sort of appeal as loot boxes. It's a moneygrab to make quick cash on weak-willed consumers who have no sense of self-control, which has sadly turned out to include my brother. I knew he had been playing these games for a while but I didn't realize how much money he was dumping into these games until I started hanging around some of his friends a bit more.

My brother spends almost the entirety of his free time with his gamer/otaku/anime fan friends, either in real life or online, and they also play a lot of the same mobile gacha games that my brother does. While hanging out in a discord chatroom that they have set up for anime fans, that was when I found out how much these guys actually spend on gacha just to get the characters they want! Pretty much any female character with big boobs, dressed in bikinis or anything a bit revealing will get these suckers to shell out hundreds of dollars ((sometimes breaking $1000)) for gems to spend on these gachas, rolling on them until they get the character they want. The worst part is that they _encourage_ each other to do it! Saying things to each other like "I spent $500 to get my waifu. So worth it!" They all act like it's some badge of honor to gamble away perfectly good cash for a CHANCE to get a pixel anime woman/girl in their game, and it drives me nuts!

I've called them out on this several times, telling them straight up that it was a waste of money and asking why they do it, but they always gang up on me with justifications like "I gotta scratch that gambling itch!" and "Because gambling has been enticing humanity since the dawn of civilization" as if that makes it somehow okay?? Some admit they believe it's "never worth it" but then STILL keep doing it. For the most part, I'm pretty sure I'm disliked among my brother's friends because I've questioned their gambling habits on these games and my brother talks to me a lot less now and gets avoidant about me. I tried rationalizing his spending to him, by saying things like "This is what you could have spent that same amount of money on instead--" and give him a list of other things he would have probably enjoyed significantly more with that same money over a pixel girlfriend in some cheap game, but it doesn't seem to have any effect. 

To be honest, I never gave gambling much thought for most of my life. It was always something really distant from me and my parents condemn it, always saying it was an activity for the "mathematically challenged". I never had an interest in gambling and even though I played one free-to-play gacha game on my phone for a little while, I never spent any money on it. I never once felt the need to spend on it because getting more chances at a favorite character or whatever was never worth enough to use real world currency on. When I found out my brother spent money on these games, I was honestly shocked. I thought he was smarter than that to even get started on it, let alone continue doing it over and over. At the beginning of this year, I thought I had managed to convince him to stop spending on gacha games and he said he would stop, but then I found out from his friends recently that my brother recently made a new personal record for the number of times rolled on a single gacha before finally getting the character he wanted. I felt really upset by this news because it not only means he hasn't quit, but that this gambling addiction is getting worse. Also, his friends don't seem to care. They think going all out for waifu characters in gacha is "cool" and I want to smack all of them so hard to be honest because of how blind they ALL are to this bad habit they have all convinced themselves is ok to waste money on.

Sure, it's easy to say "It's your brother's life and your brother's money. He can do what he wants with it!" That's true, but he's not gambling responsibly. He and his friends don't have a budget for this; they just spend until they get the character, no matter how much that is. It's also straining my relationship with my brother and my brother's relationship with my parents because our parents have always been clearly against gambling and think people who have gambling habits are stupid and irresponsible with no self-control. He's trying to hide this addiction from us and whenever I try to talk to him about it, he gets really defensive like I'm getting too into his business. I'm also worried it'll ruin him one day because we have an uncle with an alcoholism problem that ruined his life. Addiction can be extremely ugly. 

I'm also concerned about what his view of women is. He claims he wants a girlfriend, but he surrounds himself with overly-idealized anime girl art, figurines and characters in his gacha games ((some of his friends like sexualized art of underaged girl characters, though it's unclear how much my brother is into that with them)). He is a genuine otaku and it creeps me out, but I guess that's a whole other topic. The gambling is what I wanted to focus on, even though his spending habits on his collection is beyond extreme ((he has so much stuff he can't even move around his bedroom or fit a second person to stand up in there)). To be completely honest, he is a main reason I think I enjoy gaming and anime less now. I keep thinking about quitting the fandom because of my brother and his friends since they make me not want to associate anymore ((even though there are still a few games and manga I really like)).

There was once a time when my brother was my best friend but his gaming and otaku habits have divided us to a point where it hurts. He wasn't always like this. We used to have a lot of fun with stuff outside of games and anime. Now it's like his automatic response to everything is to spend more money. Buy more stuff. Buy more gems to gamble on getting the waifu...

How to get him to wake up and realize he's wasting so much money on stupid stuff? Especially when his friends circle are all encouraging him to be like this?? I've tried being rational with him but he doesn't listen. I wonder if I should tell our parents even though it might get ugly.

Do you think he needs a psychiatrist or something?

Wow, this turned out longer than I thought it'd be. I really needed this off my chest o<--< Thanks for reading. I really have no idea how to deal with someone who has a gambling addiction, though, and I've probably already messed up since he doesn't seem to trust me anymore over it? I don't know. He's been so difficult to talk to these days.


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## flamesabers (Nov 20, 2012)

Hurricane Matthew said:


> How to get him to wake up and realize he's wasting so much money on stupid stuff? Especially when his friends circle are all encouraging him to be like this?? I've tried being rational with him but he doesn't listen.


Until he's willing to change, I don't think there is anything you can do. You can't force him to change if he doesn't acknowledge he has a gambling problem. He might have to hit rock bottom until he realizes how damaging his gambling behavior is.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

sometimes addicts lose perspective and don't see the "problem" with the behavior. The play may seem like play, the problem in this case is the financial cost. Perhaps figure out how much he has spent and show him. no judgement, no arguing, just data. 

If he rationalizes it all away with no hint of concern or is completely defensive, there is nothing you can do, he's not ready. He has to be ready. The participating friend network is a strong feedback loop, and you probably can't compete with that.

This isn't much different from any other addiction, so study gambling addict support systems for concerned family members, they have strategies that can help you help him, or at the very least help you.


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## Antiloop (Feb 10, 2014)

Hm. If he has a gambling addiction I wouldn't count on it going away by itself. As you know, the addiction is there because he's lacking things in his life. You mentioned he wants a girlfriend but I'd guess he needs something else like some self-esteem or a purpose in life. How old is he anyway?

As previous posters mentioned you have to wait until he (secretly) wants to get rid of his addiction. Don't make him think of you as some sort of enemy.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Be your own person first and his friend/an important person in his support network second. Understand that his sense of perspective is totally out of whack and he cannot see it otherwise right now. Draw boundaries when you need to and take care of yourself as you need to. You may want to delineate anime/games you participate in solely by yourself/away from him, versus those you're ok with "sharing" with him. Try to maintain a positive friendship/relationship and see if you can schedule some structured time with him away from games. 



Hurricane Matthew said:


> Do you think he needs a psychiatrist or something?


Probably most useful to start with a therapist, then move to therapy + psychiatry if needed. I wouldn't try to convince him of it, though, only to help him pursue it if he suggests it, himself.

I'm sorry for the situation, and good luck. Obviously it's not unfamiliar territory for me and I'm sorry you're experiencing it as well.


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## Kommandant (Jun 27, 2017)

How old is he? Also do you know how much money he spent on these games?

Sounds cliché but it's probably just a phase. A friend of mine who is perfectly healthy now told me he had a gambling phase when he was a teen (he made money off of it though but spent that money in other games... so... idk its kinda dumb as well). Your case sounds a lot more serious though and it doesnt look like he'll change his behaviour anytime soon. I agree that you should get your parents involved, i guess thats a good first step. A therapist might not be needed, especially if he's a teen but thats more for your parents or in the end him to decide.


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## Etiennette (Mar 8, 2017)

I’m no expert, but I think it’s time to put your foot down. Your brother is developing some very unhealthy habits, and it’s not going to do him any good in the future. You must be firm and honestly state your point of view to him; you might believe it’s easier to let him go and do whatever he wants, but that would end up hurting both of you.

His friends don’t sound healthy at all, either. He’s experiencing peer pressure from them to do these gambling games. You must find a way to limit contact between these people and your brother, as they are bad influences. 

I may sound controlling, but it sounds like your brother is young. He just doesn’t know better, and someone needs to show him the way. If he keeps on doing this he’ll lose his grip on reality and believe me, he’ll regret it. I’ve seen this happen before with a childhood friend of mine who had this kind of cartoon addiction that got out of control. She became more insecure, withdrawn, awkward, and angry at others and herself. She’s not the same person anymore, and neither my friend.

Furthermore, if your brother keeps developing this addiction his life can fall apart. He’ll be too distracted to find someone he actually loves, or even worse, keep losing potential partners because of lack of attention or reject them for not reaching a cartoonish ideal of beauty. Gambling is everywhere, and when he’s older he will squander his money and not save any for his future or support his family. As this grows, he can grow extremely depressed. 

He needs to focus on getting out of this addiction *now*, or else it would grow too strong to handle. You may think I’m catastrophizing, but gambling addictions are dangerous and they do start when people are younger. Take a look for yourself: click here. I advise you look at the “warning signs of problem gambling” section. If your brother is exhibiting these traits, it’s time to see a therapist.

If his addiction is hard to control even with the help of a therapist, you must talk with your parents and find out a way to help him. It could be confiscating electronics or limiting his time online; there are many ways.


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## Potatooesunshinerays (Dec 26, 2017)

Lol just block these games and tell him to go do something else. And I think that you're overthinking it, I don't think he needs a psychiatrist simply because of that.


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## MichelDoms (5 mo ago)

I think he may need a psychiatrist-anyone who suffers from addiction needs one to overcome this psychological addiction. At the same time, he needs you to support him and show him that you care about him. You need to be gentle and explain your feelings to him and tell him why it is hard for you to see him ruining his life. Talk to your parents and try to find a solution together. I can't say that gambling is that dangerous, and sometimes you can play it. I play Satta king almost every night for about an hour, but no more. For me, it's just a way to relax and get something interesting at the end of the day. However, I could easily quit it and find another hobby.


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