# INTJ telling me to "leave him alone" for a while, that he'll contact me - is it over?



## Zosio (Mar 17, 2015)

stiletto said:


> Why are you wasting moderator's time for reporting something that doesn't break the rules?
> I mean, I could report all the posts in this thread you have made that attack me, and I am certain it would have more validity.


Do you really think that it's wise to criticize someone for wasting people's time at this point? I don't even understand how someone could be so oblivious to the actual nature of their own actions. It's baffling. 

She has grounds to report you because you came to a thread, knowing that you didn't care about the subject, and you only came here to be antagonistic and upset the OP. You are being the very definition of a "troll" right now. If you have nothing valuable to contribute, then just _don't_. It's that simple.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

zosio913 said:


> Do you really think that it's wise to criticize someone for wasting people's time at this point? I don't even understand how someone could be so oblivious to the actual nature of their own actions. It's baffling.
> 
> She has grounds to report you because you came to a thread, knowing that you didn't care about the subject, and you only came here to be antagonistic and upset the OP. You are being the very definition of a "troll" right now. If you have nothing valuable to contribute, then just _don't_. It's that simple.


That's also a very subjective thing to say. I didn't say I didn't care about the subject, simply that I am not really invested in it. I contributed my piece, yet you both enjoy sitting there freaking out about the means of delivery while completely side stepping the point. Throwing the term "troll" around completely dilutes the definition. A troll wouldn't still be in this thread responding to your ridiculous emotional responses about the WAY my response was delivered. A troll would be in and out.

Seriously, go back to the first page and look at the post. I don't understand how you guys can be so clouded by your hurt feelings that you can't see the validity in it. Ultimately, I isn't my loss though.


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## ENFPgril (Mar 24, 2015)

I honestly think you're a narcissist or something, they tend to swarm online, and in general they stop at nothing to constantly create drama and attention to themselves. So look what you did here... this thread is about YOU now. 

Your behavior says you're a miserable, unhappy person. It's sad honestly. Sorry your parents didn't hug you enough as a child. 





stiletto said:


> That's also a very subjective thing to say. I didn't say I didn't care about the subject, simply that I am not really invested in it. I contributed my piece, yet you both enjoy sitting there freaking out about the means of delivery while completely side stepping the point. Throwing the term "troll" around completely dilutes the definition. A troll wouldn't still be in this thread responding to your ridiculous emotional responses about the WAY my response was delivered. A troll would be in and out.
> 
> Seriously, go back to the first page and look at the post. I don't understand how you guys can be so clouded by your hurt feelings that you can't see the validity in it. Ultimately, I isn't my loss though.


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## Zosio (Mar 17, 2015)

stiletto said:


> That's also a very subjective thing to say. I didn't say I didn't care about the subject, simply that I am not really invested in it. I contributed my piece, yet you both enjoy sitting there freaking out about the means of delivery while completely side stepping the point. Throwing the term "troll" around completely dilutes the definition. A troll wouldn't still be in this thread responding to your ridiculous emotional responses about the WAY my response was delivered. A troll would be in and out.
> 
> Seriously, go back to the first page and look at the post. I don't understand how you guys can be so clouded by your hurt feelings that you can't see the validity in it. Ultimately, I isn't my loss though.


My feelings haven't been hurt in the least. Again, you're generalizing and making assumptions in an attempt to de-validate posts that are contrary to yours. Not the best way to go about it. 

If you're failing to see why telling someone that they should "fuck off" is garnering a negative reaction, you probably need to relearn how to do the "socializing" thing. I mean, honestly, what were you expecting? A biscuit?


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

ENFPgril said:


> I honestly think you're a narcissist or something, they tend to swarm online, and in general they stop at nothing to constantly create drama and attention to themselves. So look what you did here... this thread is about YOU now.
> 
> Your behavior says you're a miserable, unhappy person. It's sad honestly. Sorry your parents didn't hug you enough as a child.


No one cares what you think about me. I don't see why you need to project your own insecurities on me. YOU made it about me. As a teacher, you might want to work on your "I statements" rather than placing blame on others and resorting to personal attacks. Something you may want to consider when you interact with said INTJ. 



zosio913 said:


> My feelings haven't been hurt in the least. Again, you're generalizing and making assumptions in an attempt to de-validate posts that are contrary to yours. Not the best way to go about it.
> 
> If you're failing to see why telling someone that they should "fuck off" is garnering a negative reaction, you probably need to relearn how to do the "socializing" thing. I mean, honestly, what were you expecting? A biscuit?


I'm not here to socialize with anyone. OP's original post is such a selfish and self-centered response to the INTJ's situation assuming everything he does is about her in the first place. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, IF it were about her, then the actions of the weed situation would have been the trigger.

I responded with the exact action and words I would have used. OP posts LATER some tidbits of clarification that does little to support the idea that his actions are directly related to her actions. 

So while the both of you are here obsessing over THE WAY I posted, you've both effectively made this thread about me. I SHOULD be flattered, perhaps, but I guess you're right, I was expecting more out of an NF thread.


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## ENFPgril (Mar 24, 2015)

*I'm not reading what you wrote.
Following reasons:

1. I made a statement for insights, I didn't start a hostile fight.
2. I know ignorance is prevalent. You're proof of that. Arguing for the sake of arguing.
3. I got the answers I want from legitimate INXJ's. 
Troll elsewhere.

You still do not understand what I said. I wish you the best, but mentally you're not on my level. I am done engaging in your verbal vomit. *






stiletto said:


> No one cares what you think about me. I don't see why you need to project your own insecurities on me. YOU made it about me. As a teacher, you might want to work on your "I statements" rather than placing blame on others and resorting to personal attacks. Something you may want to consider when you interact with said INTJ.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

ENFPgril said:


> I'm an ENFP female and just met this INTJ male. He's 5 years younger than me.
> 
> We've only known each other for a month but we quickly had a deep connection. He even sent me a note on social media telling me he's never had this connection and transcendence with anyone before. We talk on the phone for hours every single day, and he's the one who calls me all the time (we don't live in the same town). He already told me he loved me. He already made it clear to me he wants to date me. He even once said in the middle of our text conversation "marry me" and I didn't take it seriously, thought he was joking, then he writes me back "don't forget that I said that". I thought it was odd to say such things too soon, but nonetheless I was flattered. I did not reciprocate what he said, I don't reciprocate things like marriage lightly too soon.
> 
> ...


Distract yourself. Don't make this about you. It very well may not be. Move on; if he wanted to talk to you, he'd be talking to you.

Shift your paradigm: don't insert yourself into the center of his problems; you were only one element in his life. 

Focus on getting what you want... Clearly he's not hesitating to do the same.


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## Zosio (Mar 17, 2015)

ENFPgril said:


> *I'm not reading what you wrote.
> Following reasons:
> 
> 1. I made a statement for insights, I didn't start a hostile fight.
> ...


I'm going to have to get into the same boat as you on this one. She's really just not getting it. I'm sorry that she jumped onto your thread, and I'm sorry for giving her more attention than I should have (it probably would have been best to just ignore her original post entirely).


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

Lesuhlee said:


> Distract yourself. Don't make this about you. It very well may not be. Move on; if he wanted to talk to you, he'd be talking to you.
> 
> Shift your paradigm: *don't insert yourself into the center of his problem**s*; you were only one element in his life.
> 
> Focus on getting what you want... Clearly he's not hesitating to do the same.


Thank you.


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

I think stiletto initially had some great points, although delivered in an insensitive way. She also loves argumentation itself. Don't feed into the spiraling word battles that will inevitably unfold, unless you enjoy it of course, then go ahead. 

There's no reason to scare away the lovely ENFP girl, even though she seems to be able to handle herself pretty well. I mean she's new here, give her a break.

To be clear I'm on everyone's side here, so make it peaceful.


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

Blue Soul said:


> I think stiletto initially had some great points, although delivered in an insensitive way. She also loves argumentation itself. Don't feed into the spiraling word battles that will inevitably unfold, unless you enjoy it of course, then go ahead.
> 
> There's no reason to scare away the lovely ENFP girl, even though she seems to be able to handle herself pretty well. I mean she's new here, give her a break.
> 
> To be clear I'm on everyone's side here.


I don't think this is about sides. I think it's about embracing perspectives.

My perspective is selfish, and it sounds like the OP can benefit from some selfishness- to preserve dignity and define herself.

Why let him control your emotions or next move? It's not even about him at this point, it's about figuring out what it is YOU want.

What's your end game? Love and a relationship? A McSteamy hookup? Marriage? Domestic partnership?

Figure out what it is you want, then seek out meeting people and dating those YOU think might align with that. Don't be afraid to use dating as an efficient means to that end. When you find someone doesn't align with what YOU want, drop 'em.

But mindfucking yourself over this guy isn't getting you anywhere. Let him go, get honest with yourself, move on and form your emotions around the logic of your end game.


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## ENFPgril (Mar 24, 2015)

UPDATE: He messaged me today to ask me how my day was, as if nothing happened. He was being cynical and sassy with me more than usual and I just threw my NF sugar at him until he gave in  It turns out that something is going on in his life, but he did not want to tell me what when I asked him, he said he didn't want to talk about it. He also told me he's really sick.


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## ENFPgril (Mar 24, 2015)

I'm 30 years-old; I know what I want and so does he and we both communicated to each other we wanted a relationship. He reached out to me today and turns out he hasn't lost interest, something is going on in his personal life but he wouldn't disclose it to me. 





Lesuhlee said:


> I don't think this is about sides. I think it's about embracing perspectives.
> 
> My perspective is selfish, and it sounds like the OP can benefit from some selfishness- to preserve dignity and define herself.
> 
> ...


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## Lesuhlee (Feb 14, 2015)

ENFPgril said:


> I'm 30 years-old; I know what I want and so does he and we both communicated to each other we wanted a relationship. He reached out to me today and turns out he hasn't lost interest, something is going on in his personal life but he wouldn't disclose it to me.


Do what makes you happy; you're going to anyway independent of logic (by definition, as a feeler).

I'm borderline- 30. I personally, don't let my happiness spawn from waiting around for someone to give me permission to be a part of their life. (By definition, a leader not follower, an Alpha not accompaniment, as an ENTJ).

Our difference in disposition will ultimately be fundamental; that's not the point.


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## baby blue me (May 9, 2014)

*This.*



zosio913 said:


> *First and foremost, just give him the space that he's asking for.* *INxJs are very, very private people and often need alone time just to feel whole. *Being around or in contact with people for long periods of time can leave us feeling like we've been knocked off of our feet. INFJs are bad enough when it comes to randomly secluding themselves, but INTJs don't even have extroverted feeling (Fe) to balance out their social introversion.
> 
> INTJ's third function is introverted feeling (Fi). *Because they're dominantly introverted types to begin with, this is going to cause them to make a lot of decisions that don't consider others.* This allows them to be much more assertive than INFJs, but it also results in them coming off as cold or callous. Odds are -- and don't take this the wrong way -- he didn't really have you in mind when he decided to take this "spiritual retreat".* It isn't because he doesn't care about you, it's because Fi/Ni can cause him to have tunnel vision when it comes to decisions that may affect the feelings of others. *
> 
> ...


For me, it's somehow this: It's also not easy to appear vulnerable for INTJ's. Sometimes I have to recharge my extroverted-ness by thinking about things alone. If I am unable to think thoroughly because of persistent contact, I may just pick the easiest road which is to move on and forget. It's hard but it's more predictable. 

I hope this helps clarify why you may need to give him the space and time.


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