# What do you do when insulted?



## seraphiel (Dec 26, 2009)

Like, being called an idiot, or retarded, or a lazy ass, worthless, stupid, being told you are hated, or that nobody would care if you died..

How do you deal with it, if you can't simply avoid it?


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## toxigenegoober (Jan 23, 2010)

If they are correct in their insult I usually try to improve my behavior. If they are wrong I am prepared to defend myself. If I feel the need to defend myself I can usually wear anyone down with all of the details and proof I will muster to aid me.I think I would be a good lawyer if I could stomach defending rapists when ordered to. I've always been good at debating about things about which I care.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

I tell them to piss off.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

I tend to dismiss insults and remain ignorant to an appearance of fact, which is a coping mechanism in order to discard anything that may actually contain relevance and to sheerly annoy someone else in return.

If it's within a large crowd, selective mutism doesn't help.


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## seraphiel (Dec 26, 2009)

toxigenegoober said:


> If they are correct in their insult I usually try to improve my behavior. If they are wrong I am prepared to defend myself. If I feel the need to defend myself I can usually wear anyone down with all of the details and proof I will muster to aid me.I think I would be a good lawyer if I could stomach defending rapists when ordered to. I've always been good at debating about things about which I care.


Ok, what if you both know the offender is wrong, that they don't care, and that they won't let you defend yourself because they only want to hurt you anyway, and no rationalization on your behalf will ever be recognized?


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I cry, because emotional abuse is extremely hurtful to me. Crying is how I make my boundaries clear to others. It is how I wave my white flag and seek mercy when I feel harmed. It is how I let them know to stop pushing when I can't take any more. If they continue, it is a kind of emotional rape, where they fail to respect that "no" means "no," proving they do not care about my feelings or my sanity. When this happens, I assume they are either sadistic or have no conscience, because if I were to cause someone to cry, I would be severely traumatized by the guilt I would feel. I know what it is like to be made to cry, and I would hate myself for causing someone to feel that way. I expect others to treat me with the same respect. 

One of the worst things someone can use against me is "Oh, you're just faking to be manipulative!" 

I am incapable of faking. I value authenticity too much, and even if I knew how to cry on purpose, I wouldn't. I have to struggle not to cry sometimes, and usually fail. I never try to do it intentionally. Clarifying my needs is an attempt to have control when I feel helpless and unsafe, but it is not unnecessarily or malevolently manipulative, as some cynical individuals may believe. Most actions could be considered manipulative on some level, since they all exist to bring about a certain result. In my case, while crying does serve as an indicator of my needs in order to have them met, it is also expressive in a non-effective way that releases pain, even when there is nobody observing me. 

If this does not cause the person to stop, there is nothing I can do but suffer. I am likely to have a panic attack if I can't escape the situation causing the pain. What can a person do when tied to a chair, helpless with hot pokers stabbing them in the ribs, gagged and unable to move? That is how it feels to not be allowed to leave, to be punished for reacting, or to be threatened for moving toward the door when someone is behaving abusively.


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## seraphiel (Dec 26, 2009)

snail said:


> I cry, because emotional abuse is extremely hurtful to me. Crying is how I make my boundaries clear to others. It is how I wave my white flag and seek mercy when I feel harmed. It is how I let them know to stop pushing when I can't take any more. If they continue, it is a kind of emotional rape, where they fail to respect that "no" means "no," proving they do not care about my feelings or my sanity. When this happens, I assume they are either sadistic or have no conscience, because if I were to cause someone to cry, I would be severely traumatized by the guilt I would feel. I know what it is like to be made to cry, and I would hate myself for causing someone to feel that way. I expect others to treat me with the same respect.
> 
> One of the worst things someone can use against me is "Oh, you're just faking to be manipulative!"
> 
> ...


Yeah... I've been through that before... and I think that's partly why I have the inner personality I do.

People who know me closely have said I'm kind of like a wild creature... skittish and shy, and some times reactionary if threatened or hurt.

But I think I'm a bit different in that I tend to hold my ground and puff up and lash out... even though I'd rather hide in a corner somewhere.


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## Abuwabu (Nov 25, 2009)

seraphiel said:


> Ok, what if you both know the offender is wrong, that they don't care, and that they won't let you defend yourself because they only want to hurt you anyway, and no rationalization on your behalf will ever be recognized?


If there is no walking away from a situation that could be resolved with a 'piss off' then a swift punch in the nose may bring them back to caring enough to allow me to defend myself rationally. Or shut them up.


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## Abuwabu (Nov 25, 2009)

snail said:


> I cry, because emotional abuse is extremely hurtful to me. Crying is how I make my boundaries clear to others. It is how I wave my white flag and seek mercy when I feel harmed. It is how I let them know to stop pushing when I can't take any more. If they continue, it is a kind of emotional rape, where they fail to respect that "no" means "no," proving they do not care about my feelings or my sanity. When this happens, I assume they are either sadistic or have no conscience, because if I were to cause someone to cry, I would be severely traumatized by the guilt I would feel. I know what it is like to be made to cry, and I would hate myself for causing someone to feel that way. I expect others to treat me with the same respect.
> 
> One of the worst things someone can use against me is "Oh, you're just faking to be manipulative!"
> 
> ...


Christ! Really?
Apologies in advance if I ever upset you.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Abuwabu said:


> Christ! Really?
> Apologies in advance if I ever upset you.


I can't remember you ever upsetting me before, so if you have, it wasn't anything that left a scar. If you are the sort of person who cares enough to respond this way, I doubt you will ever be a problem for me, actually. Don't worry. Don't walk on eggshells. I'm pretty obvious about the things that hurt me, so you won't have to guess.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

I look at them as if to say "what the fuck did you say that for?"

This kind of face 

Then I just ignore them :dry: I never retort unless they were being playful.


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## zwanglos (Jan 13, 2010)

> What do you do when insulted?


Depends on the insult.

If someone ruthlessly insults my intelligence, I then proceed to prove them wrong by using my wit and their own words to figuratively rip them to shreds.

In all other cases, well, I do my best to shrug it off.


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## calysco (Jan 23, 2010)

well it depends. i first think about the insult- if it touches a part of me that completely enrages me, i assume that it's true. [ex: you're an arrogant bastard] In this case, i would ask the person for clarification and details to support the statement that they've just said. i typically find that they stumble in their words and look extremely awkward, i say something to the effect of, "well if you dont know why i'm _____, why'd you say it?" hopefully, however, they give some sort of coherent argument because there's a lot of things about me that i need improving and criticism reveals those parts to me. of course i'd still be pissed but if they're right, well...they're right.

however, if they were just being assholes, i take action. i actually have to because i find that i end up building resentment and anger and i bitch/complain to my friends who don't deserve any of that. i also end up letting it get to me which is terrible for my concentration as well. i also find that by responding it gives you more respect from others and lets them know that you're not a pushover. 

but enough talk, i present to you, my personal guide to insults. but because there are so many cases, i'll try to cover the ones that pop up in my mind right now:

CASE #1: sarcasm

sarcasm typically is used by those who are too afraid to face the consequences of their words. so if you get mad, they can hide behind the literal meaning of their words and play the victim. if you respond to the literal meaning and try to make it sound as if they think you're awesome, they'll be pissed but unable to respond since you aren't giving them any new fodder.

ex: "aren't you a genius" 
response: play along while avoiding the use of sarcasm (being sarcastic back will feed the fire)
1. respond to the statement, not to the true meaning of the statement. 
ex: "yes. yes i am." 
2. not only do you do the previous option, you take it further 
ex: "why yes, yes i am- i expect to be winning the nobel prize in the near future."
3. tag on a subtle insult at the end
ex: "why yes, yes i am- i expect to be winning the nobel prize in the near future. i'll be sure to give you a ticket to the event. you can sit in the back."


CASE #2: an insult with a joking tone behind it

this is the close cousin of sarcasm, only more upfront. the only difference between this and sarcasm is that guys tend to use this while girls tend to use sarcasm

ex: "haha you're a dumbass!"

response: give them the same treatment
1. link the insult to them but do so in a way that they need to take a moment to understand that you mean. don't use an insult that's too 
ex: "good! i was trying to mimic you and it seems that i have succeeded."
2. just using the response: "or am i...?" to no matter what they say (rather immature but it works. heh)
3. annoy them by repeating the same thing they just said on a slightly more exaggerated scale

CASE #3: crude sexual jokes

this one's more for girls but guys can use them too. typically when people use this kind of insult, they're usually thinking perverted thoughts about you. if you sharply introduce their mother into their thoughts, it'll completely disarm and shock them. the reactions to the following comeback is priceless. 

ex: "damn i'd like to (action) you." 

1. link it to their mother (you can also use father i guess)
ex: oh is that what your mother did to you? 

CASE #4: one-liners

most people use one-liners to insult others. while effective i find them lacking in the intelligence department. (i like hearing good insults so i can stock them up for later usage)

ex: "bitch!" "asshole!" "retard!"

1. insult their selection of insult
ex: "...what? that's it? you couldn't think up of a better insult?"
2. agree with them but do so in a apathetic manner 
ex: "yeah...so what?"/"so tell me something else i didn't already know about myself"/ *shrug*
3. agree with them but do so in a happy manner (i find that this one pisses them off a lot)
ex: "yup!"/"yeah it's awesome"
4. imply that they like it (look cocky while saying it)
ex: "sexy isn't it?"/"you jealous?"

CASE #5: some of the words of their insult, if isolated, can completely change the meaning of their insult

the best example for this comes from the movie "Happy Gilmore" i believe, and it is of the following:
asshole guy: i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
adam sandler: you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

CASE #6: the insult that they use, some of the words have another meaning

...unfortunately i can't think of any good ones right now but i hope you know what i'm talking about. 

for example: "you're a bitch"
response: no! i am human!

...yeah cant think of any good ones right now. too tired. bah.



some rules you should keep in mind:

1. when insulting someone, dont use insults that are too high for their intelligence, though satisfying for you, they're not going to get it. ...well unless that's what you want. 

2. dont use comebacks that are too long. they sound stupid

ex:
insult: youre a bitch
comeback: "a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is part of a tree, tree is part of nature, nature is beautiful. thanks for calling me beautiful!" 

yeah dont sound like an idiot. i wanted to beat the crap out of the girl on youtube who said this. 

3. your goal is to shut down your opponent, make use of shock techniques or use insults that need a little bit of thinking (not too much, go back to rule #1) will quiet them down. 

4. you can also swerve the conversation to an area in which you are an expert in, then while in that area, make them shut up by allowing them to realize how incompetent they really are.

5. if you loathe them and dont care about consequences, hit it where it hurts. if you know that they're a proud person, attack their pride. if they're really into appearances, call them "fat" or "ugly." etc etc

6. remember that when you insult back, you risk getting into a fight if you go overboard. know when to stop. and so, try to keep the banter quick. 

7. for those who rely on subtle insults, if you really want to, you could just call them out. i use this on people who i'm thoroughly sick of. i really dislike people who hide behind a mask of sweetness. however, you'll have to be prepared for them hating you or causing trouble for you in the future

ex: 
insulter: "you look amazing"
response: "are you saying that i look like a mess?"
insulter: "no.."
response: "really? because your tone seems to indicate that you do."


cant think of anything else right now unfortunately. feel free to criticize or correct my list. it's not perfect and i love new information.


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## Van (Dec 28, 2009)

I just ignore it or shamelessly admit to it. Stupid personal attacks like that are an indicator of their idiocy, not mine.


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## boredToDeath (Jan 3, 2010)

Well to be honest I usually don't do anything... I try to show the insulter that I'm displeased with his behaviour and that he has hurt me, but that doesn't work. If he's not my friend I just go away and cry when nobody's looking, but if I know him well I insult real bad. Not in a "You mutha******!" way, so that he would get the message that I can insult too, but not to the extent that he would come over and beat the hell out of me.

Oh, and I also absolutely HATE it when im ganged up on by a group or pranked. Yesterday my friends pranked me on messenger and I snapped. I didn't curse or anything but I lashed out, but although I blew some steam I still feel really depressed. And since that they're my only friends, it makes things worse.

Sadly, I can never ignore an insult of any kind, and it just boils in me all day (or days..), and I think many INFPs also have this problem.


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## anon (Oct 19, 2009)

I have to look at the insult first -- if it was in jokes, I won't really care if they held elements of truth in it, they will simply remain in their context as jokes. I will just ignore it or if it sounded funny, I'll laugh it off and then not laugh too much about it. If they're being persistent with such jokes, I will remain silent and do my own stuff and they get the message.

If it was serious and sounded like somebody was trying to say it totally in my face, it's either true or they're trying to put me down. I've usually taken insults based on how I feel they came across to me, so sometimes I will think what if it's true and then my mind is inside a whirlpool and I am unable to shake the feeling off until I can see the other side of the picture. I can't always find the courage to say it like it is that I am feeling terrible, but I do and if the matter is clarified and resolved, then it's cool and I _do _learn. Being called lazy I'm pretty used to it but it will feel personal if I am not really lazy and somebody who should know me well enough calls me that. To be insulted with 'stupid' hardly happens but when it does, again it depends on the context and if it was serious it depends on my emotional state. With retard... I would get quiet and wonder.  

Rest of the time, with serious insults, I can surprisingly dismiss them and not care much of what the person thinks of me and this is only the case when I notice that their words/behaviour is reflecting their own issues and there's no point throwing it at me if we need to be on the same boat first or if you first calm the hell down and let's see how you think in your sane mode. 

So yah, it's a mixture. I realize I can so easily take in insults to mean true and I have to work on that a little. I think since I bury my pessimism and remain as optimistic as I can to the face of the world, what's buried under the surface finds it's way up and can burst into all kinds of emotions.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

generally I ignore it but if I am in a playful mood I make sure to enrage the person to the point that they want to physically harm me. People are easy enough to manipulate and if they think they can get a rise out of me by casting an insult my way I show them just how insecure they actually are.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

seraphiel said:


> Ok, what if you both know the offender is wrong, that they don't care, and that they won't let you defend yourself because they only want to hurt you anyway, and no rationalization on your behalf will ever be recognized?


If they are wrong, don't care, and want to hurt me then my shield of indifference is up. Think about it. There is no next move at that point.


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

Depends on the person and the way they're saying it. If it's a really close person insulting me and trying to hurt my feelings, I'd mostly avoid that person and go into isolation depending on how hurt I am.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Okay, so we are not talking about "hurting one's feelings", right? I just needed to put that disclaimer out there.

If someone purposely insults me or stoops to the level of "name calling" the conversation stops dead in it's tracks. I do not give them the pleasure of responding nor engaging.

I will distance myself and often times that person just becomes "dead to me" after that. I don't need that kind of childish behavior in my life.

"Name calling" is something we should have learned not to do from our mommy's and daddy's by at least age 9. 

However, if someone is just playfully teasing me and egging me on with insults, I'll remain calm, look them in the eye and say, "Are you enjoying this?". They usually stop after that.


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

Well firstly I will evaluate the situation to see if it is really worth it to completely humiliate the person who talked shit to me. If I don't see a point I will ignore the person and mumble under my breath "that bitch is crazy" or something along the lines of that. My first instict is to call the person out and put em in their place. Sometimes I don't because it'll cause myself more grief in the long run.


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

snail said:


> I cry, because emotional abuse is extremely hurtful to me. Crying is how I make my boundaries clear to others. It is how I wave my white flag and seek mercy when I feel harmed. It is how I let them know to stop pushing when I can't take any more. If they continue, it is a kind of emotional rape, where they fail to respect that "no" means "no," proving they do not care about my feelings or my sanity. When this happens, I assume they are either sadistic or have no conscience, because if I were to cause someone to cry, I would be severely traumatized by the guilt I would feel. I know what it is like to be made to cry, and I would hate myself for causing someone to feel that way. I expect others to treat me with the same respect.
> 
> One of the worst things someone can use against me is "Oh, you're just faking to be manipulative!"
> 
> ...


 
No offense...but you would scare me off.... far, far away. 
There is no way I could deal with that. It seems so illogical and foreign.


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

If someone insulted me....well, it depends. If they are respected by me I would inquire further.
If they dont matter to me........I could give a rats ass.


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## calysco (Jan 23, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> However, if someone is just playfully teasing me and egging me on with insults, I'll remain calm, look them in the eye and say, "Are you enjoying this?". They usually stop after that.


hey not bad. yeah this would actually work very well in any situation (even if they're viciously insulting you), not to mention it would place the other person in a state of awkwardness


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

seraphiel said:


> Like, being called an idiot, or retarded, or a lazy ass, worthless, stupid, being told you are hated, or that nobody would care if you died..
> 
> How do you deal with it, if you can't simply avoid it?


 
I'll either laugh and say "Thanks." or I will laugh and say "F*ck off." or I will laugh and body slam them.


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## Preeb (Jan 13, 2010)

I'd either laugh and give a joking response, which usually drives the offender mad with rage... or shrink together, try to not show the hurt on my face, and get very drawnback for some time... I don't handle insults well :dry:


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

I generally smile and laugh.


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

Ah... My tactic normally throws people off, at least so far it has! I like to agree with them and continue to call myself names... Typically they get bored and annoyed that it didn't phase me (or they can't tell it phased me) and they go away. :wink:


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

I used to ignore it, rising above such unfortunate behaviour. But sometimes, it gets too much. It is best to get right out of their zone. 

Note, that ENTJs (the Boss) has a large zone which may infringe on your integrity.


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## zombie89 (Jan 27, 2010)

i usually insult back with a clever and amusing way



Korvyna said:


> Ah... My tactic normally throws people off, at least so far it has! I like to agree with them and continue to call myself names... Typically they get bored and annoyed that it didn't phase me (or they can't tell it phased me) and they go away. :wink:


yea i like that:happy: but hey what if they call you names forever? i mean instead of your name. like a nickname?:shocked:


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

zombie89 said:


> i usually insult back with a clever and amusing way
> 
> yea i like that:happy: but hey what if they call you names forever? i mean instead of your name. like a nickname?:shocked:


Ugh... I finally broke people of calling me by the nickname I always had growing up. I just started completely ignoring them. If they are people that are really friends, then they stop... If not they move on... 

It's rare if I insult someone back, but I have done it. And if I do I usually say something a lot more vicious than they did. It seems most people can dish it out, but can't take it when it's given back.


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## seraphiel (Dec 26, 2009)

Hmmm... now that I think of it a bit more, this is what I mean:

1. 'playing' doesn't count.
2. being 'true' doesn't count.
3. friends or people who respect you, shouldn't be blatantly insulting you anyway

There's also this:


> Perceptions of insults
> 
> Sociologists suggest that insults are often an indicator of flawed reasoning about the character or motivation of others. Though insults are common, and often used in jest, a fundamental axiom of sociology recognizes that derogatory forms of speech make erroneous attributions about the motivation of a person. Scholars classify the erroneous assumptions as the fundamental attribution error.
> 
> Situations also exist in which a person falsely believes he or she has been insulted. For example, terms such as "Asian", "incorrect", "drunk", or "really really fat and likes to lick hairy man tits all night long" are often interpreted as derogatory, when in fact they may be neutral descriptive terms or factual statements, which, at worst, would be simply inaccurate or incorrect rather than insulting. This phenomenon often occurs in individuals who suffer self-victimization or hypersensitivity.


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## Andrea (Apr 20, 2009)

concede and leave.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

seraphiel said:


> Hmmm... now that I think of it a bit more, this is what I mean:
> 
> 1. 'playing' doesn't count.
> 2. being 'true' doesn't count.
> ...





> Perceptions of insults
> *
> Sociologists suggest that insults are often an indicator of flawed reasoning about the character or motivation of others. Though insults are common, and often used in jest, a fundamental axiom of sociology recognizes that derogatory forms of speech make erroneous attributions about the motivation of a person. Scholars classify the erroneous assumptions as the fundamental attribution error.
> 
> Situations also exist in which a person falsely believes he or she has been insulted. For example, terms such as "Asian", "incorrect", "drunk", or "really really fat and likes to lick hairy man tits all night long" are often interpreted as derogatory, when in fact they may be neutral descriptive terms or factual statements, which, at worst, would be simply inaccurate or incorrect rather than insulting. This phenomenon often occurs in individuals who suffer self-victimization or hypersensitivity*.


 YES!

The second paragraph explains why in my original post to this thread I added the disclaimer "We are not talking about hurting one's feelings, right?"

This is very good wherever you got it from Seraphiel. Thank you for posting.


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## Geodude (Nov 22, 2009)

I actuallydo alright with conflict, if it comes to me. I don't seek out arguments, but if someone insults me (in a meaningful way, rather than just a joke), I tend to get cold and hurtful, and try and do everything I can to make them feel worse than they made me feel, or just prove them wrong. Hopefully both.


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## calysco (Jan 23, 2010)

seraphiel said:


> Situations also exist in which a person falsely believes he or she has been insulted. For example, terms such as "Asian", "incorrect", "drunk", or "really really fat and likes to lick hairy man tits all night long" are often interpreted as derogatory, when in fact they may be neutral descriptive terms or factual statements, which, at worst, would be simply inaccurate or incorrect rather than insulting. This phenomenon often occurs in individuals who suffer self-victimization or hypersensitivity.



LOL dude that's awesome- if someone told me that ("really really fat and likes to lick hairy man tits all night long"), i'd burst out laughing


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Geodude said:


> I actuallydo alright with conflict, if it comes to me. I don't seek out arguments, but if someone insults me (in a meaningful way, rather than just a joke), I tend to get cold and hurtful, and try and do everything I can to make them feel worse than they made me feel, or just prove them wrong. Hopefully both.


What the...????? An INTJ can do this? But...but...I thought...

Wow. Thank you for your openness and *honesty*. I think you just made me have another paradigm shift.


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## Geodude (Nov 22, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> What the...????? An INTJ can do this? But...but...I thought...
> 
> Wow. Thank you for your openness and *honesty*. I think you just made me have another paradigm shift.


Well, I think it probably speaks most of my background. I did Philosophy at University for 7 years, and one of the major things I got out of it is I got really good at analysing what people said to me quickly, and being able to respond to things in kind. Before I did Philosophy, if someone insulted me I probably got flustered and pissed off. Now, I'm equipped with the tools to react in a more constructive manner.


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## moon (Nov 29, 2008)

I think, What? You're saying something mean about me? You must not know me very well because if you did you would really like me, so, I know you don't mean it


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Geodude said:


> Well, I think it probably speaks most of my background. I did Philosophy at University for 7 years, and one of the major things I got out of it is I got really good at analysing what people said to me quickly, and being able to respond to things in kind. Before I did Philosophy, if someone insulted me I probably got flustered and pissed off. Now, I'm equipped with the tools to react in a more constructive manner.


That's okay. I wasn't worried about you doing it. And I still think INTJs are awesome I was just soaking up that bit of info you conveyed and applied it to a previous relationship


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## TemporarilyRyan (Jan 25, 2010)

Slider said:


> I'll either laugh and say "Thanks." or I will laugh and say "F*ck off." or I will laugh and body slam them.


This is my favorite. ha.

However, if someone insults me, either playfully or to be hurtful, I engage them. I'm decent at hurling insults when I feel it comes to that. I'm very direct and to the point and know exactly what to say to someone to hurt them. Even though I dislike feeling the need to do this I don't feel bad for having done it. Hey, they started it.


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## Yin Praxis (Jan 16, 2010)

Would depend on who it's coming from and the situation around me.

If it comes from someone I don't care about, but have to work with, I usually compose myself very well and do not sink to the other person's level. However, if it's a situation where the support of others is necessary, and I feel that just taking the abuse erodes my support, then I may fight back. Even when fighting back, I tend to be a lot more, for lack of better words, intellectual about it than just slinging insults.

If it's some I care about on a personal level, it's harder to deal with. Again, if nothing is to be gained from fighting, then I avoid fighting, but it might bother me enough that I cannot properly continue to work with the person either, and I retreat. It's difficult for me to fight people that matter to me, I tend to doubt my position much more when resisting them. In theory (I wouldn't know because extremely few people actually come under this category for me) if someone I cared about did keep beating me all the time, with no reasonable relent, I suspect my withdrawal would turn into explosive, indignant aggression at some point, I don't know from experience, I've just traced it in my own reactions, somewhere in the corners of my mind.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

seraphiel said:


> Like, being called an idiot, or retarded, or a lazy ass, worthless, stupid, being told you are hated, or that nobody would care if you died..
> 
> How do you deal with it, if you can't simply avoid it?


I usually tells them:


"Oh, sorry. Are you talking about yourself?"
"Are you okay? You seem confused between me and your image about yourself. Have you take your pills today?"
"Do you really think I care about what you've said to me?"
"I always knew you have a crush on me."
"You're just jealous..." *evil grin*
"Yeah, sure. Whatever." *yawning*
"Yeah, I know. I'm _that_ awesome, right?" *laughs*
"Awww... that is so sweet... Thanks!" *smile innocently cheerful*
"Awww... you are so funny!" *giggles*
"Look! It's a bird! Oh no, it's a flying gargoyle! Oh no, it's your mom..." 


.


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

seraphiel said:


> ...How do you deal with it, if you can't simply avoid it?


I'll sacrifice a goat and then place a series of very nasty curses & spells on the perpetrator of the insult.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

seraphiel said:


> Like, being called an idiot, or retarded, or a lazy ass, worthless, stupid, being told you are hated, or that nobody would care if you died..
> 
> How do you deal with it, if you can't simply avoid it?


usually i ignore it. but im working on being less passive.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

In my experience, people insult others to either engage in a fight or to push someone down to a lower level so that they (the pusher) feel better about themselves. There seem to be a multitude of ways of dealing with this, many of which were already mentioned. 

Concerning fighting, when people attack, they are looking for something to physically resist them. The central tenet of Aikido is to remove the force that pushes back. If someone throws a punch, make sure there is nothing there to punch and also, redirect the energy of the punch to your advantage. This is symbolically spoken of as an arrow being shot into either a tree or a grassy field. The arrow makes a satisfying “thock” noise when it hits the tree, but it will sail though the grass ending up in the dirt. When someone verbally assaults you, be like the grass and let is blow through. If you puff up and get mad, that’s exactly what the jerk was looking for. You have already lost.

Concerning being forced to a lower level, there are a few ways to deal with this. The first, as mentioned, is to agree. Yup, I’m stupid. What’s your point? This also takes the wind out of their sails as mentioned above. What I have found works best is to send an insult back with a big smile on your face. If you can get a few people to laugh, and there most certainly will be people present, you’ll change the tide. The sole purpose of this is to demonstrate that you are the insulter’s equal. This is not a time to tilt the scales and drive him/her into the ground. Just wait until they crack a smile and change the subject. 

Ultimately you’ll want to diffuse the situation. I have found that psychoanalyzing the person in front of their friends as a retort helps a great deal. Why are you saying these things? What kind of home life do you have that makes you act this way? What are you trying to accomplish? There are better ways to vent these energies, you know. I’m sorry, I don’ think you’re cool for doing this. Your childish attempts at psychological domination make me feel really bad for you. Is there something that you’d like to talk about? These may help when led with compassion.

Or, you can just be a foot taller than all of the mean kids through elementary school, middle school and most of high school. Worked for me. You’d be surprised how well picking someone up and tossing them into a locker works. This should be used as a last resort, of course.


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## Gracie (Dec 13, 2009)

I tend not to show how much I've been hurt :bored:my response, if one is absolutely necessary, tends towards caustic sarcasm "yeah, I really give a flying fuck what you think"...

That said, if really pushed, I may cry. Usually only with someone I know well though. I have to "trust" them, in a weird way? Like family or someone else close to me. My mom has said some pretty horrific things to me in her day, she makes me cry sometimes.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Now, I cut them off (forever). 

And kill them much later (if I can).


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