# Why you should ONLY date similar types



## Gravitas (May 27, 2010)

The prevalent opinion seems to be that MBTI and other frameworks for understanding temperament/cognitive preferences should not be used in choosing a life partner. I've seen too many friends and family members in horrible, frustrating relationships. It’s hard for them to communicate effectively with their partner or they feel like they’re from mars and their partner is from venus or they just don’t ‘get’ eachother. Peoples' relationships are the most important things in life. Jung/MBTI could potentially be used to help people choose a partner for a more satisfying, fulfilling relationship. The FACTS confirm this


So, for the single/just dating crowd, some food for thought:

If you're looking for that special person to share your life with, this is a no brainer- There are plenty of people close to your temperament out there. Go sample from that pool. Research of real couples has shown that the more dissimilar your temperaments, the less likely you'll have a satisfying relationship.

*"when researchers Barbara Barron-Tieger and Paul Tieger studied the Myers-Briggs personality type of several hundred couples, they found that the more type preferences a couple had in common, the more satisfied they were with their communication. While opposites may attract, it seems to be easier to maintain a relationship with someone who is similar to yourself." *The Dating Blog | Do Opposites Attract? Compatibility and your Myers Briggs Personality Type

Understanding differences of temperament is a powerful tool to understanding your potential relationship satisfaction with a person. Ignoring them is just silly.


But I would never choose someone to date based on MBTI!

If you’re already married or in a long term relationship with someone of a very different type, you’re probably going to want to post all kinds of justifications for why you’re actually a great match despite statistics. Well you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel a need to defend your decisions, but I ask that you open your mind… and realize this information really isnt relevant for you. Whats done is done. Likely you and your partner have had communication difficulties, and Jung/ MBTI can also be a powerful tool to help bridge that gap.

The other main argument I’ve heard is that having relationships with people who think very differently is ideal- your strengths are their weaknesses and vice versa. I think this is definitely true – for friends. I have friends that I love hanging out with of most types- ENFJ, INTJ, ISFP, ESFP, ISFJ, ESTP just to name a few. We learn a lot from eachother and have a lot of fun. That's true of most type combinations, and I think its great for people to have friends with a diversity of temperaments. However, we're not discussing who you should be friends with, we're talking about choosing a life partner, and research shows this just doesn’t lead to relationship satisfaction.


Other considerations

I guess age and a few other things also affect _divorce rate_, but the correlation between relationship satisfaction and divorce rate isn’t very strong (many people not happy with their relationship remain married). Still, if you’re interested: Here are divorce rates in the U.S. based on age (you can attribute it to other factors like maturity, and money perhaps? Mental development): Information on Divorce and Rate Statistics; Environmental factors also affect marriages, things like income, race, education etc... Census: Fewer Early Marriages, More Long-Lasting Marriages; Number of long-lasting marriages in U.S. has risen, Census Bureau reports - The Washington Post


Based on this information, my main criteria in dating were, in this order, similarity in:
1. Core values/morality - Is he in a purple people eater cult? Dealbreaker.
*2. Temperament *- Is he an ISFJ? Dealbreaker.
3. Physical attraction - Does he smell bad? Dealbreaker.

That's it.. Everything else is pretty much negotiable.. favorite activities, ethnicity, occupation, age, you name it.. much less/not important.


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## LiquidLight (Oct 14, 2011)

I would honestly never bring MBTI typology into relationships period EXCEPT as a way of helping to perhaps understand the other person. But the problem is, you never really know if you are typing them correctly to begin with so all you are looking at is a reflection of your own biases (which can lead to perceptions that are WAY off). Secondly, as you point out, factors of attraction are very complex and highly influenced by a number of extenuating circumstances. 

You might find some general tendencies like quiet, reserved people tending to be attracted to more outgoing and expressive people. Sometimes introvert with extravert (though this isn't a given). And I would think you would find a lot of people whose inferior function is their mate's dominant, so for example, an intuitive with a sensation type. But these are broad strokes and the motivations for this are completion or compensation (the person looking for wholeness or completion in another who expresses the things they feel they themselves cannot). But I would be careful about the ISFJ with ENTP kinda stuff because there are just too many assumptions to be had there and too much evidence to suggest deeper forces at work.


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## lola0075 (May 20, 2012)

Maaaan but them ESTP boys r sooo damm sexy!!!! haha i dunno if i can abide by this


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

I think this is a lot to put on the stilts of MBTI. The theory itself is far too vague to predict relationship compatibility.

What it _may _predict is comunicative fluidity - that is, the inherent comfort you will feel with your partner on a cognitive level. I don't have to translate for you like I would type X. But this aspect of a relationship is hardly the sum of its overall value - one must also consider motivations, and the way in which the pair's temperaments are aligned. Two people can communicate the same way, but be motivated to direct their focus towards entirely different over-arching areas. 

Even this, however, has problems as well. "Similar" types to yours in letter dichotomy do not necessarily have the same communication style as you do. Although two NT's, for example, both speak "abstractly and logically," the kinds of "abstractness" and "logic" will vary considerably if the pair's functions are very different. In many cases, these non-confluent functions are used by the individual at the _expense _of alternative N and T (or whatever) functions in the system, and may be seen as competing with one's most comfortable mode of communication. Whereas _opposite_ functions do not compete and, in all functional stacks, are actually needed to maintain one's preferred functions. This is only one argument for opposite types in the arena of communicative complementation, and it needs proof just as your theory does - but there isn't a lot of certainty here in general. 

You may communicate well then, for example, with another ENTP, but if he is more concerned about fitting in the social arena than he is establishing certainty of having the resources needed within the relationship - or has very little interest in forming a close, one-to-one bond with you, then the communication doesn't make a difference. 

Thinking style isn't everything. The way such styles are aligned within the greater valence of the person's interactions with the other people in their world. What I find works quite well is to know what you think is important, and put yourself into positions where you may meet other people who share your priorities, let your attraction guide the way, then use the theories to evaluate any possible *significant *problems your emotion may have hidden.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Facts? What are you, a Sensor? While I don't dispute the statistics you seem to completely forget that the people who are not married with a different type and still are happy with their relationship all together.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

I believe in dating people you are compatible with, those people can be similar or not. I wouldn't date another ENFP for reasons of similarities, they might actually bore me quickly or have a completely different outlook on life. I think it depends on the connection. Our environment and upbringing along with values and goals are more important than anything. Communication is vital and the foundation to any healthy relationship. Even people who are similar will have communication breakdowns, so it really depends. Personally i like my parter to be different than me, so different that it can actually look the same. Yeah, figure that one out 

Family life is important to me, so my parter needs share the same value system i do in terms of peace and harmony within family dynamics. This doesn't mean he has to agree with everything, it only means he has to be emotionally intelligent enough to respect the differences.


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## Gravitas (May 27, 2010)

LiquidLight said:


> I would honestly never bring MBTI typology into relationships period EXCEPT as a way of helping to perhaps understand the other person. But the problem is, you never really know if you are typing them correctly to begin with so all you are looking at is a reflection of your own biases (which can lead to perceptions that are WAY off)


Most cognitive preference geeks i know have become pretty good at it though. I personally dont tend to settle on a person's type until I've spent quite a bit of time with them- and my personal assessment is always up for tweaking/ refinement. Fortunately, dating is all about getting to know someone else inside out. The relationship lends itself to more accurate typing than you'd be able to do with, say, a coworker.

Still, I agree completely that if you're not experienced in accurately typing others, then obviously you wont be able to (and shouldnt try to) use type as a criteria to choose a partner.


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## Gravitas (May 27, 2010)

Inguz said:


> Facts? What are you, a Sensor? While I don't dispute the statistics you seem to completely forget that the people who are not married with a different type and still are happy with their relationship all together.


lol, most Ts I know like facts.. and Ns and Js and Ps and Fs for that matter.. I didnt know facts were solely the domain of Ss


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

In my 17 years of dating I have found no evidence that the 'dual' theory in socionics for example actually works irl. I see more buzz about it on the internet, but taking inventory of my past - I have become more strongly enamoured and had better luck with those who are more similar to me. 

Outside of the half-baked theories of typology, its said that you should be happy with yourself, love yourself, be well-rounded and independent on your own anyway. Well, so if one is, then why do they need another type to pick up their supposed cognitive slack?

I just want someone who fuckin gets me.


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## LiquidLight (Oct 14, 2011)

Gravitas said:


> Most cognitive preference geeks i know have become pretty good at it though. I personally dont tend to settle on a person's type until I've spent quite a bit of time with them- and my personal assessment is always up for tweaking/ refinement. Fortunately, dating is all about getting to know someone else inside out. The relationship lends itself to more accurate typing than you'd be able to do with, say, a coworker.
> 
> Still, I agree completely that if you're not experienced in accurately typing others, then obviously you wont be able to (and shouldnt try to) use type as a criteria to choose a partner.


Its even more than just cognitive functions. I suspect many of those people are typing a persona, because unless you're an analyst and know what to look for (I dont - and even Jung would spend years with someone before being sure of their type) I think its very tough to be truly accurate here. For example I would have a tough time really delineating whether someone was truly an introverted intuitive or extraverted intuitive in real life. Or introverted feeling vs. extraverted feeling. You start relying back on type stereotypes which of course leads down a bad path. 

Most people I know, if someone held a gun up to my head and said "type them accurately" I probably wouldn't get it right. Maybe 1 or 2 out of ten and that includes my parents who I've known my whole life. I could obviously give them an MBTI type (which is a stereotype), but that doesn't actually mean its an accurate depiction of who they are.

But to a greater point, since Jung himself declared that the anima/animus complex (how you conceptualize the opposite sex) was the compensation of your persona (meaning you would look for, in a mate, aspects in them that compensated or balanced you out at whatever stage of life you were in) then maybe there is something to typing personas a la Kiersey, since a persona is much more stable and recognizable than the mechanics of how someone's ego works. Introversion and extraversion as expressive/reserved may, in small part, be reflective of this and I don't think we can discount interaction styles and the like. I'd feel more comfortable trying to draw conclusions based on something like Beren's interaction styles than MBTI though.


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## Gravitas (May 27, 2010)

LXPilot said:


> The theory itself is far too vague to predict relationship compatibility. What it _may _predict is comunicative fluidity - that is, the inherent comfort you will feel with your partner on a cognitive level.


To be completely clear, the study claims that type correlates to ‘effective communication’ and ‘relationship satisfaction’. There certainly may be differences of opinion on this, but I think those are great measures of.. how good a relationship is. Im not sure what you mean by ‘compatibility’..



LXPilot said:


> I think this is a lot to put on the stilts of MBTI.. "Similar" types to yours in letter dichotomy do not necessarily have the same communication style as you do. Although two NT's, for example, both speak "abstractly and logically," the kinds of "abstractness" and "logic" will vary considerably if the pair's functions are very different. In many cases, these non-confluent functions are used by the individual at the _expense _of alternative N and T (or whatever) functions in the system, and may be seen as competing with one's most comfortable mode of communication. Whereas _opposite_ functions do not compete and, in all functional stacks, are actually needed to maintain one's preferred functions. This is only one argument for opposite types in the arena of communicative complementation, and it needs proof just as your theory does - but there isn't a lot of certainty here in general.


Yes! Let’s geek out on cognitive preference theory for a bit.. ha. MBTI is sort of like the gateway to really understanding cognitive preferences. MBTI says an ENTP prefers Ne, Ti, Fe, Si. Not so, the bits of theory that myers and briggs added to Jung have been disproven. I recommend MBTI Types are an Illusion and specifically the work of Dr. Dario Nardi for further reading. Most ‘ENTPs’ for example just share a preference for Ne and T. If you dive into the details of the study, similarity on N/S (how you perceive) followed by I/E (whether your primary function is introverted or extraverted) are the similarities that lend themselves most to relationship satisfaction- so what does that tell us? Having a strong primary Ne preference I most likely would not have a satisfying relationship with someone who has a strong Si preference (ISTJ/ISFJ). I should choose someone who has a primary preference for Ne (ENFP/ENTP). This is the strongest correlation to relationship satisfaction.


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## Gravitas (May 27, 2010)

Promethea said:


> In my 17 years of dating I have found no evidence that the 'dual' theory in socionics for example actually works irl. I see more buzz about it on the internet, but taking inventory of my past - I have become more strongly enamoured and had better luck with those who are more similar to me.


Couldnt agree more. Socionics is ridiculous...


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## Gravitas (May 27, 2010)

LiquidLight said:


> Its even more than just cognitive functions. I suspect many of those people are typing a persona, because unless you're an analyst and know what to look for (I dont - and even Jung would spend years with someone before being sure of their type) I think its very tough to be truly accurate here. For example I would have a tough time really delineating whether someone was truly an introverted intuitive or extraverted intuitive in real life. Or introverted feeling vs. extraverted feeling. You start relying back on type stereotypes which of course leads down a bad path.


I wish i could find the actual thread with links to the research (anybody else know where it is??) but the official MBTI test alone actually types someone's primary function and attitude accurately close to 90% of the time. I believe it gets the primary and attitude and the secondary correct about 75% of the time. That's a pretty good basis for decision.. unless youre a type that doesnt like to make decisions without perfect information 

If you add a decent understanding of cognitive preferences on top of the test, that's even better! You seem fairly knowledgable.. I'm suprised you think it's difficult to tell the difference between an ENxP (Ne) and an INxJ (Ni)? I dont. hahaha, I havent done the experiment, but I think with a gun to my head I could accurately differentiate the two after dating a few months.. at least 9 times out of 10. Maybe I'm over confident (wouldnt be the first time), but I bet you could as well..


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

So even if someone falls in love, the feelings are returned, and nothing would make them happier than getting together, they shouldn't do so because they're not a similar type?

Narrowing down your dating choices to people of a similar type seems incredibly restricting and just damn stupid. Date whoever the fuck you want and don't bother with the compatibility nonsense. You'll probably never find true love that way.


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## Conclusion (Sep 21, 2012)

Most of the folks sampled by the studies are folks who haven't thought hard about what type suggests we should do differently, no? By and large they haven't figured out what their type and their partner's type say about how their perspectives differ on matters of mutual concern, how differently they express respect, caring, what they consider sensitive issues, etc. And they haven't adapted their communication styles to meet each other halfway on these issues.

I'd be interested to see analogous research for MBTI nerds specifically, but until then, I'm not sure this says much about how we ought to date.


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## eatmeimadanish (Jun 4, 2012)

All relationships rely on a combination of balance, passions, and energy. Balance is the way we meet the others persons needs and fit together. Passions would be similar interests and morals. Energy is how we communicate, express thoughts or emotions, and how we deal with our outside world. Rule of thumb is that the easiest (notice I didn't say best) is when the primary and secondary modes are energy recycling. For instance a NeFi is best paired with an NiFe personality. This is because the flow of energy is easier to tap into which includes communications and emotional or cognitive fullfillment. Balance usually comes from how we like Peanut butter and Jelly... or P and J. Usually J's like their world a certain way, and see things through, P's are flexible (willing to do whatever the J thinks is important) and keep the adventure alive. In this regard the balance keeps both people in their strengths, while admiring the other persons unique ability. 

Though technically the statement "any two personalities can be successful" is true, in reality it is almost always not. When a personalities primary and secondary modes feeds none of your extroverted or introverted modes, the flow of energy is non existent and it comes down to just stubbornness. MBTI is a great analysis to head off these types of pairings before they become problematic. But since MBTI only focuses on the cognitive piece of the puzzle, we often neglect to acknowledge how important similar passions and interests are to the fundamental relationship. There are always at least 2 easy pairings, 2 exciting pairings, and 4 mature pairings of every personality. That leaves 8 pairings that rely on work (the expense of energy not reciprocated). 6 are communication issues, and 2 are completely void of energy recycling at any level (energy vampires). 

Understanding this helps us realize that we are made with a purpose, and none of us are complete. The fun part is finding that missing piece to the puzzle.


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## Zero11 (Feb 7, 2010)

Kito said:


> So even if someone falls in love, the feelings are returned, and nothing would make them happier than getting together, they shouldn't do so because they're not a similar type?
> 
> Narrowing down *bad choices* seems incredibly restricting and just damn stupid. Date whoever the fuck you want and don't bother with the compatibility nonsense. You'll probably never find true love that way.


I corrected it for you :wink:


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## Raichu (Aug 24, 2012)

I seem to be mostly attracted to ENFP's. -___- Or ESFP's, I guess. But definitely not other ISTP's, they annoy me.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Bwahahahaha. Your comments to people who are already married/in a relationship basically sound like "well, you're a dumbass for not following my rules, but that's okay. you're fucked and we know it."


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## Gravitas (May 27, 2010)

raichu said:


> I seem to be mostly attracted to ENFP's. -___- Or ESFP's, I guess. But definitely not other ISTP's, they annoy me.


Hey Raich, you should look into the study- xSTPs and NTs are sort of exceptions.. better with Fs than other Ts.. ISFPs would be a nicer fit for you (if not for them, lol)


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## DistilledMacrocosm (Apr 11, 2012)

Eddy Kat said:


> Isnt that just a stereotype? Lol
> Either way, I dont think we should mind the types.. If a relationship between 2 messy people works well for the both of them, whats the dillio?


True, but one has to not be encouraged in one's vices. Ever see an episode of Hoarders and what they does to the kids who have to live in a house thats filled with neurotic junk their parents can't throw away?

I suppose it's fine if two people are happy with each other -- I just keep hearing I gotta make my bed every day, and even though I don't do it, it's still something of an ideal for me.


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

My opposite is very good for me. He makes me eat my veggies :bored:


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Apparently MBTI did research and most married couples had two or three letters in common, a little less had one, very few had the extremes all four or none.

The most satisfactory marriages appear to be between two SJs, an SJ and an SP, two NFs together, or an SP with an NT (all between 70-80 percent satisfaction level). 

SFJ and NFP is, by far, the happiest NF-SJ combo at an 86% satisfaction rate (you'd wonder about this, since two SJs and two NFs do well together, how an SJ and NF would do together since the pairing is not in the top four).


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Oh, and SFJs appear to report being happy being married, period (even happier with their partner than their partner necessarily is with them) so I'd really re-think your exclusion of SFJs in potential marriage partners, they seem like the way to go if you're the type that's like "NEVER LEAVE ME."


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## reckful (Jun 19, 2012)

Here's another article (although it's partly described in the OP's linked article):

Marriage and the MBTI


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## Eddy Kat (Sep 10, 2012)

DistilledMacrocosm said:


> True, but one has to not be encouraged in one's vices. Ever see an episode of Hoarders and what they does to the kids who have to live in a house thats filled with neurotic junk their parents can't throw away?
> 
> I suppose it's fine if two people are happy with each other -- I just keep hearing I gotta make my bed every day, and even though I don't do it, it's still something of an ideal for me.


Well.. I see how it can get troublesome lol 
Its that "I wish I could do something about that mess" mentality.. 
I just like to believe that they can work it out, and not necessarly become hoarders, just messy.


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## taylor2005 (Aug 15, 2010)

How many is several hundred? 300? So there were, what? 3 maybe 4? female INTJs in this study?

Couples with personality differences who find ways to support and understand each other often find their relationships especially rewarding.* Partners with type differences are able to stimulate and challenge each other, and will learn from each other in a way that similar partners cannot. They can also make more effective teams because they are able to notice and compensate for each other's blind spots. Recognizing how your partner is thinking and appreciating the value of his or her perspective, whether or not it agrees with yours, is crucial to a successful relationship. *


Anyway, interesting; I wish I could see the actual stats on this. I think @LXPilot hit the nail on the head...


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## Impact Calculus (Mar 29, 2012)

Gravitas said:


> The prevalent opinion seems to be that MBTI and other frameworks for understanding temperament/cognitive preferences should not be used in choosing a life partner. I've seen too many friends and family members in horrible, frustrating relationships. It’s hard for them to communicate effectively with their partner or they feel like they’re from mars and their partner is from venus or they just don’t ‘get’ eachother. Peoples' relationships are the most important things in life. Jung/MBTI could potentially be used to help people choose a partner for a more satisfying, fulfilling relationship. The FACTS confirm this
> 
> 
> So, for the single/just dating crowd, some food for thought:
> ...



I'll stick to dating those of my inspirational configuration, tyvm.


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## jdbullet23 (Jan 25, 2012)

lola0075 said:


> Maaaan but them ESTP boys r sooo damm sexy!!!! haha i dunno if i can abide by this


Mm, not even to mention us overwhelmingly sexy ESTP girls. 

Seriously though, I can see how this makes sense. I think I'm most attracted to other extroverts and other perceiving types. ENFPs and ENTPs would seem to be not only my partner, but my best friend. But of course, I wouldn't base it all on that.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

I don't know if my point for or against would be valid, as I'd be biased :laughing: Lol.

This is because my fiance is INFJ and this is by far the most stable, most intense, most loved up relationship of my life. We share the same values, beliefs, ideas, outlook on the world, ways of dealing with and relating to people (even though there are slight differences, we're nonetheless pretty much the same at the core).

Type is only part of it though, so for others, differences may be more useful than similarities or vice versa. Imo, it depends on your situation, your growth and who you are. So to each his/her own.


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## slender (Sep 28, 2012)

if i could find a gamer chick, who loved games and puzzles, i would be in heaven. iow, a similar type to me


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

As an INFP, I've definitely notice who I get along with versus who I don't get along with. Thinkers and I usually don't mesh unless I make sure there is an emotional distance between us. Sensors and I just DO NOT GET EACH OTHER AT ALL. Judgers are okay but I sometimes don't understand their obsessive nature with being on time/working hard/organizing everything. Extroverts are fun and introverts intrigue me, but extroverts poke fun of my quiet nature at times and it bothers me.

That said, my first and longest romantic relationship was with an ExFx type. I could never really type him based on memory alone, but I do remember him as being very extroverted and feeling-based, so anyway... Despite us both being Feeling types, this would bring us both good times and TERRIBLE TIMES! My second boyfriend and shortest romantic relationship was with an IxTP. That was a very difficult relationship with hardly any good times. So in a way, MBTI does help, but in other ways, there will always be other ways where one person is with their "ideal" MBTI type yet they end up hating each other down the road. Religious viewpoints, political stances, age differences, moral values, even their diets can determine if I'm meant to be with a particular individual or not. I mean, what if I end up with a friggin ESTP who understands me so well despite Myers Briggs hissing that we shouldn't even be together? Hogwash!

There's my two cents. ^_^


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Here's a suggestion: don't use MBTI and personality types to date. Focus on what you want out of the relationship.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

raichu said:


> Yeah, it clearly depends. You always hear that ESTP guys are supposed to be super charming, and I did know one, and he was. But I've just always been much more taken with who I assume are ExFP types, ever since I was old enough to like boys. Always the class clowns. If there's a guy standing up in front of the class making an idiot out of himself, chances are I have an enormous crush on him. -__-


Similarly, enneagram 4 Fi users (NFPs specifically) tend to take me away too. We obviously have our preferences and I think those are based on more than just the MBTI, anima/animus, enneagram and whathaveyou, or even all the other stuff linked thus far.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Rinying said:


> if i could find a gamer chick, who loved games and puzzles, i would be in heaven. iow, a similar type to me


*raises awkward hand*


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## slender (Sep 28, 2012)

LeaT said:


> *raises awkward hand*


lol.... i might need to rephrase that to someone in real life and near my age


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Rinying said:


> lol.... i might need to rephrase that to someone in real life and near my age


XD As he asks he shall receive answers.


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## slender (Sep 28, 2012)

LeaT said:


> XD As he asks he shall receive answers.


lol, hopefully. now i have to go off to a haunted hayride to work


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## Vitalic7000 (Nov 29, 2012)

Funny... All here seem to disagree with using the MBTI to type your partner. However....

Not only did I type my partner, I typed several other friends among others (with the MBTI and the Enneagram) in order to accurately place where they are coming from and to better understand them (I either typed them by observing them along with a ENFP friend of mine or by explicitly telling them to take a test). My girlfriend is another INTJ and we get along very well! The MBTI is not completely accurate (75% accurate) but I would say much more accurate than going completely by gut feeling.

Liquidlight does make a good point however. It really does depend on what type you get along with best (INTJ for me). Naturally though, rather than frown upon using the MBTI and Enneagram to test compatibility, we should get over our sense of sentiment and use it like any other tool invented, to aid us.


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## youngspectrum (Mar 29, 2013)

This comes back to the old Yin and Yang theory. I need someone who compliments me as an ENTP, rather than is the female version of me. 
I love to make jokes, I should be dating someone who loves to laugh.
I ramble about grandiose ideas, I should be dating someone who takes the time to listen.

I've dated girls who I could pencil into ENTP very quickly, and I found them annoying within the first month or so. 

I'm going to jump on the MBTI-shouldn't-be-used-to-type-your-partner bandwagon on this one. I mean, to think that there are only 16 different types of partners you can have is a bit naive - not to mention possibly limiting considering certain connotations you may conjure up once you find out his/ her type. Chemistry between people isn't meant for analysation, let's be realistic haha.


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

I kind of think sticking with what's similar is best (top 3 functions), because obviously, you've chosen to "take that path" for some reason anyhow in your life - really makes no sense to me at all to go into self-denial mode to try to fit Carl Jung's theory (then again, it also depends on why you're choosing to date anyway, which has myriad reasons, purposes, etc.). His theory is subjective anyway - to what extent can you even call anyone a kind of "type," let alone, definitively call what you want to identify with a type (99% of the time, this is probably just a reflection of the inner subjective influences of the person (what might be "Se" to one person is perhaps an appropriate defense that resulted from some kind of upbringing to another)).


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

Once again, a persona is not a type either (I mean, if you read Jung, it becomes clear that you might get people of the same "type," but mentally, they are so far removed from each other than the idea of them having anything to do with each other would be absurd - I mean, Jung speaks of some people who were pretty much mentally living in the "Middle Ages," while others were obviously more advanced - also, I'm sure it's possible you can get people who "own" certain functions more than others, but do not really identify themselves with the stuff they own. It's not an identity, it's merely a heuristic rule-of-thumb (like the "Are you a speculative intellectual or a pragmatic aesthete" or what have you in terms of how you view yourself).


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

And also, it's mighty rare to get people together who are on vastly different planes of intelligence (LOL, no idea who would do that to themselves, that's like the height of self-injury, although I suppose it might happen in extremes, where the brilliant person marries someone with an IQ under 100 because it makes life easier for their ego). Same with interests - obviously, people who have similar enough interests will gravitate toward each other, like hello, there's safety in that kind of knowledge of a person (rather than fucking around with your projections of the great unknown).


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

You know, Jung never actually said that a person's anima/animus is their type, inferior, whatever (that's a bunch of silliness MBTI ran off with somewhere down the road) - I mean, anima, animus might get projected through the inferior sometimes (or maybe any function at times, especially those not owned toward the ego), but that doesn't mean anything about having an inner whatever type the way MBTI puts it (I mean, a "secret type" would probably come from someone repressing their actual preferences away from their identity - kind of like a homosexual pretending to be straight, but just enhancing their true desires as projections in the outside world). It's too complicated to boil down to functions, because one person's idea of "functioning" from a certain perspective has the marks of the identity they internalize as ideal, but this can be completely different to someone else around the same function(s). Like, I might idealize Fi conceptions in someone that another Fi type might find completely incompatible with their preferences/ideas of who they are/want to be (so to them, it might not be the epitome of Fi, even though it strikes that function in the other person).


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## Vitalic7000 (Nov 29, 2012)

> This comes back to the old Yin and Yang theory. I need someone who compliments me as an ENTP, rather than is the female version of me.
> I love to make jokes, I should be dating someone who loves to laugh.
> I ramble about grandiose ideas, I should be dating someone who takes the time to listen.


There is enneagram differences in between most INTJs and myself which is very noticeable. This allows for quite a bit of similarities but enough differences to always keep things interesting.



> I've dated girls who I could pencil into ENTP very quickly, and I found them annoying within the first month or so.





> I mean, to think that there are only 16 different types of partners you can have is a bit naive - not to mention possibly limiting considering certain connotations you may conjure up once you find out his/ her type.


It's quite simple. There are 16 types of distinct personalities and those can be coupled with the enneagram, variants, and whether the person is self-destructive or not. Also, I would argue that thinking that every person is unique is quite naive (There are only around 6-7 billion chances that there are others like you no?). Patterns are not limited excluding humans.

As for the connotations, we make connotations about people on a daily basis without MBTI or not. It seems that while you believe that connotations can be made from finding out the person's type, you have not questioned the fact that people regularly misjudge people all the time which may have been better handled by understanding what the person is like and what they value (which the MBTI helps with).



> I'm going to jump on the MBTI-shouldn't-be-used-to-type-your-partner bandwagon on this one.





> Chemistry between people isn't meant for analysation, let's be realistic haha.


Who says relationships cannot be analyzed? It seems you speak more from sentiment than from rationale. If it cannot be analyzed, then why do we find people commonly relating to people based on the fact that they've dealt with similar issues in previous relationships, the formation of stereotypes, and fields like sociology, psychology, psychiatry, and neuroscience (which have existed for 100+ years or so [excluding the latter]) and have not been rebuked (by the academic world) like phrenology or such yet?

Also, to blatantly disregard as academic work done is such fields would be foolish. Obviously, given with the substantial amount of work done within the fields, some theories, experiments, conclusions, etc. must be more relevant to us than we would like to admit.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

Dual theories seem to focus on a caretaker dynamic, which works for a lot of people.

But it's like the typical American sitcom couple after while, it does go to show you that people are comfortable with that dynamic and practically expect it so it's very common. 

Dutiful, responsible wife who secretly hates the husband, who is blubbering and incapable of taking care of himself(spoiler, divorce is imminent). l could see the suggested ISFJ-ENTP pairing very easily turning into this(non-gender specific,the roles can apply to any kind of couple).

l think it's a good idea for one to ask oneself is that is what one wants, l'm sure most people like the idea of being taken care of. l can't say l don't but l'm not sure if these relationships are truly helpful to either party.

TL;DR l'd probably feel best with a type more similar to myself but am open to others.


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