# No consequencen for just fucking around and partying?



## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

Celtsincloset said:


> You should police that stuff, personally, if you’re intention is to raise a family, and for a majority of us, maybe to even cultivate true love, like my parents did. But people can be so different; sure there can be a really sexually free person in their element, ‘loving’.


Why does them living thier life prevent you from having a family? Are you saying they obligated to bang you? No idiot, get off your high horse. No one here to worship you


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

MisterDexter said:


> Why does them living thier life prevent you from having a family? Are you saying they obligated to bang you? No idiot, get off your high horse. No one here to worship you


No one worships me, what are you talking about? I don't even think I'm better than other people, for real. I just have my opinion, I don't think it affects people much who are different to me.


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## ISFJ_dicovers (Nov 12, 2021)

MisterDexter said:


> Look if you don't like casual that is your decision but others are free to do what they want long as all is consensual. This would mean you also think you should police swingers, poly couples and bdsm relationships. Let people be.


Of Course I let people be. But I want to have a clear opinion on this topic and am unsure what point of view i should take


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## horseloverfat (Jun 29, 2018)

I'm incapable of that sort of behavior. I've tried but im not socially skilled enough so I retreat into my mind and daily life. I am confused by other people and how they can so effortlessly interact on an interpersonal level. IDK, I'm weird that way.


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## Lonewaer (Jul 14, 2014)

MisterDexter said:


> Why does them living thier life prevent you from having a family? Are you saying they obligated to bang you? No idiot, get off your high horse. No one here to worship you


It doesn't. It prevents _them_ from having a healthy family.

Look, swingers couples are a thing, but that's different from being single and sleeping around. The former are spicing it up to strengthen their couple, the latter are just destroying their chances to find a serious relationship and to stay in it. The latter is why there are so many single parents, because they get into relationships, impulsively have children, but don't even know if that specific relationship is something they want in the first place, and want to work towards. Result : they break up, and the child grows up with their parents separated, generally with the mother, and don't see their father much when at all, and has a higher chance of growing up to be a fuck up of society.

We can like it or not, and it is unfair, but promiscuity is destructive to families and to children. If the general way of approaching it currently (=being accepting of promiscuity) was ever applied to certain periods of time in the past, we would have been fine in some of them, but we wouldn't have survived some others. Anytime there was a need to repopulate with competent and responsible children, basically (the black plague would have been a much harsher test, as well as both WWs). But we live in modern times where pretty much all of the past constraints have disappeared. That's why all those single mothers can get away with being single mothers in the first place. The government can play wallet instead of a father being there. That leads to children reaching adulthood, but being inadequate in sometimes many aspects because they don't see their father.


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## RegalBeagle (Nov 10, 2021)

It isn't an either/or situation. People develop and change throughout life. It seems like you are playing at an ex post facto rationalization of your jealousy at those who chose to explore themselves versus living within the rigid norms and expectations of society. I sense a lot of wishing that you had behaved as such and rationalizing it through believing that there are inevitably negative consequences for pleasure seeking. But that's not how the world works. People do actively horrible things all the time and escape with zero negative consequences to themselves and only negative consequences to their victims. I'm not a partier and have spent my 20s getting my Bachelors and then my Masters, never really partied much. But it is no skin off my nose if people wanna party and screw as long as they're taking proper precautions (e.g. using condoms, not driving under the influence). 

Promiscuity isn't unnatural, it just isn't normative to the modern Western way of being within certain generational and cultural bands. It is like people who believe homosexuality "is unnatural". 

Also, to the person who said Greeks and Romans had fuck fests, this isn't quite accurate. The myth was pushed by Christians early on and then run with by Protestants as argumentation that Christianity is necessary for moral behavior. Historians such as John Scheid and Walter Burkert note that for the most part, the Romans (Scheid) and Greeks (Burkert) had pretty strict boundaries around sexual intercourse as a society and endangerment of the public morality was often a reason that authorities sought to ban particular cultic practices. Even same-sex sexual activity was regulated within particular power structures of which violation could mean the stripping of citizen privileges or execution.


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## Rivaloo (Nov 19, 2021)

Yeah, def a preference in principal how much some one 'wants' to experience life or not - I'm on board with the thread title 110% (there certainly are consequences even if it's just subconscious or spiritually degrading) myself and I don't regret it or take the blame with some one externally. I just accept who I am and what doing things like that makes me feel as being inadequate or devaluing to my character. If other people feel fine doing it ofc I'm happy for them and their format of life style.

My whole thing is if it's not a double standard were by people judge me for living less than I wont judge them in that moment for living 'more'. I don't think excess of anything is actually good nor too little as well, but that challenges me to find my right 'amount' of life I'm willing to let myself live...


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## ISFJ_dicovers (Nov 12, 2021)

RegalBeagle said:


> It isn't an either/or situation. People develop and change throughout life. It seems like you are playing at an ex post facto rationalization of your jealousy at those who chose to explore themselves versus living within the rigid norms and expectations of society. I sense a lot of wishing that you had behaved as such and rationalizing it through believing that there are inevitably negative consequences for pleasure seeking. But that's not how the world works. People do actively horrible things all the time and escape with zero negative consequences to themselves and only negative consequences to their victims. I'm not a partier and have spent my 20s getting my Bachelors and then my Masters, never really partied much. But it is no skin off my nose if people wanna party and screw as long as they're taking proper precautions (e.g. using condoms, not driving under the influence).
> 
> Promiscuity isn't unnatural, it just isn't normative to the modern Western way of being within certain generational and cultural bands. It is like people who believe homosexuality "is unnatural".
> 
> Also, to the person who said Greeks and Romans had fuck fests, this isn't quite accurate. The myth was pushed by Christians early on and then run with by Protestants as argumentation that Christianity is necessary for moral behavior. Historians such as John Scheid and Walter Burkert note that for the most part, the Romans (Scheid) and Greeks (Burkert) had pretty strict boundaries around sexual intercourse as a society and endangerment of the public morality was often a reason that authorities sought to ban particular cultic practices. Even same-sex sexual activity was regulated within particular power structures of which violation could mean the stripping of citizen privileges or execution.


Maybe I am really jealous of such people because they enjoy life and I do not know yet what it means for me how to enjoy life. Or maybe because I don't like partying and fooling around.

The thing with Promiscuity is that my goal is to find a partner for life. And if promiscuity is natural and life time pair bonding not, maybe I should set another goal.


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## Rivaloo (Nov 19, 2021)

Life time partners are more often not found but some thing you fall into indirectly - this i think is what the phrase falling in love might actually mean..

You fall 'in' love for the person not to the person.


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## ISFJ_dicovers (Nov 12, 2021)

Rivaloo said:


> Yeah, def a preference in principal how much some one 'wants' to experience life or not - I'm on board with the thread title 110% (there certainly are consequences even if it's just subconscious or spiritually degrading) myself and I don't regret it or take the blame with some one externally. I just accept who I am and what doing things like that makes me feel as being inadequate or devaluing to my character. If other people feel fine doing it ofc I'm happy for them and their format of life style.
> 
> My whole thing is if it's not a double standard were by people judge me for living less than I wont judge them in that moment for living 'more'. I don't think excess of anything is actually good nor too little as well, but that challenges me to find my right 'amount' of life I'm willing to let myself live...


But sometimes I would like to be different than I am. For example, I imagine it super nice to travel and meet many new people and also have casual sex with them. But in practice I strive for structure, am bad at small talk and maybe not confident enough to do that.

Don't you have something like that?


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## Rivaloo (Nov 19, 2021)

Yeah we all do its just typical human temptation


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I think there's a benefit to accepting your own individuality and values without expecting others to also accept them or to follow the same as you. 

A relationship is really just between you and one other person (if it's monogamous) so it shouldn't really matter what everyone else is doing?

It's the reality that if your values are very different than the status quo, you will often be misunderstood and it might be difficult at times. I think a lot of people who deviate (they might be very traditional, or very experimental, or polygamous, or very romantic) from the norm will end up facing obstacles, but dating isn't that easy for anyone, I don't think.

Forcing other people to adopt your values and your interests isn't the solution.

But if you'd really like to try, I don't think there is anything wrong with trying it out if you are safe about it and you feel comfortable with it, and as if it is the right thing for you. If not, I think that is perfectly fine. Many people do not enjoy casual sex and many people do.

It could be a repression if it's causing you a lot of anxiety and discomfort. I sometimes have had sexual repressions, and then I was able to release them by just accepting that maybe I did have a desire for something, and maybe that's okay and I should pursue it. But I also don't think there's just one sexual behavior/identity that fits everyone. It's very individual. I am not saying you should go have casual sex, but if it's something you that doesn't make you a terrible person.


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## ISFJ_dicovers (Nov 12, 2021)

WickerDeer said:


> I think there's a benefit to accepting your own individuality and values without expecting others to also accept them or to follow the same as you.
> 
> A relationship is really just between you and one other person (if it's monogamous) so it shouldn't really matter what everyone else is doing?
> 
> ...


I think the problem is that I just went through a breakup and that's why I feel a bit lost. I am currently trying to find and define my values again. My ex is very different from me in many ways (ENTP), which has always impressed me because she is good at the very things I am bad at or would want to be good at. And I'm always unsure if I just have to accept myself because I'm like that, or if I just have to get out of my comfort zone more. 

I don't want to force my values on others. I would rather verify if my values are meaningful or not. Everyone can be who he wants to be. But still I can find something good or bad. But at the moment I often don't know what to find good or bad.


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## ISFJ_dicovers (Nov 12, 2021)

Rivaloo said:


> Yeah we all do its just typical human temptation


So what are your temptations? Where do you wish to be different?


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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

Lonewaer said:


> It doesn't. It prevents _them_ from having a healthy family.
> 
> Look, swingers couples are a thing, but that's different from being single and sleeping around. The former are spicing it up to strengthen their couple, the latter are just destroying their chances to find a serious relationship and to stay in it. The latter is why there are so many single parents, because they get into relationships, impulsively have children, but don't even know if that specific relationship is something they want in the first place, and want to work towards. Result : they break up, and the child grows up with their parents separated, generally with the mother, and don't see their father much when at all, and has a higher chance of growing up to be a fuck up of society.
> 
> We can like it or not, and it is unfair, but promiscuity is destructive to families and to children. If the general way of approaching it currently (=being accepting of promiscuity) was ever applied to certain periods of time in the past, we would have been fine in some of them, but we wouldn't have survived some others. Anytime there was a need to repopulate with competent and responsible children, basically (the black plague would have been a much harsher test, as well as both WWs). But we live in modern times where pretty much all of the past constraints have disappeared. That's why all those single mothers can get away with being single mothers in the first place. The government can play wallet instead of a father being there. That leads to children reaching adulthood, but being inadequate in sometimes many aspects because they don't see their father.


So you are telling others who they can date, how they can date, who they can sleep with and how. Who gave you that type of authority? Why should we respect that authority? Maybe you are an idiot and no one should respect an idiots opinion who believes they have the right to dictate who we have have relationship with. Have you considered that?


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## Lonewaer (Jul 14, 2014)

MisterDexter said:


> So you are telling others who they can date, how they can date, who they can sleep with and how. Who gave you that type of authority? Why should we respect that authority? Maybe you are an idiot and no one should respect an idiots opinion who believes they have the right to dictate who we have have relationship with. Have you considered that?


Whoah there, cowboy. See that part where you read what I said and then interpreted it with your feelings ? I'm going to need you to read what is being said and not interpret it with your feelings. Stop the process once you've read. Just read. Keep your feelings to yourself, no one cares about them, especially if that leads you to insult people for no reason _after_ you put words in their mouths yourself. I only talked about some consequences of promiscuity, which is the subject matter.

What I said here is at no point about who people should date or not date. People do what they want, and they're going to reap the consequences of doing what they want. If you'd like me to add what I think about who people should date, I can, but that's not what I did there. You put that spin on it, not me. So you can calm down right now. I'm no authority, I'm just reporting what's being observed at a biological level and at a sociological level. Promiscuity leads to more unhappiness, is not conducive to healthy, long lasting relationships, and it's not conducive to raising children in a healthy way. It is what it is, you don't have to like it.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

WickerDeer said:


> I think there's a benefit to accepting your own individuality and values without expecting others to also accept them or to follow the same as you.
> 
> A relationship is really just between you and one other person (if it's monogamous) so it shouldn't really matter what everyone else is doing?
> 
> ...


I love this! You do you and others will also be themselves. The governing of other people's sexuality is beyond controlling and puritannical. 

My historical hypothesis is that the Church enacted chastity rules because they didn't want to feed and care for all the abandoned children since birth control methods were piss poor. So, what better way to control the masses than deeming sexual activity as a sin unless of course, sanctified by the Church through marriage. The sanctification of marriage through the Church also allowed them to control which families could marry, hence ensuring that they controlled nobility power dynamics.


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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

Lonewaer said:


> Whoah there, cowboy. See that part where you read what I said and then interpreted it with your feelings ? I'm going to need you to read what is being said and not interpret it with your feelings. Stop the process once you've read. Just read. Keep your feelings to yourself, no one cares about them, especially if that leads you to insult people for no reason _after_ you put words in their mouths yourself. I only talked about some consequences of promiscuity, which is the subject matter.
> 
> What I said here is at no point about who people should date or not date. People do what they want, and they're going to reap the consequences of doing what they want. If you'd like me to add what I think about who people should date, I can, but that's not what I did there. You put that spin on it, not me. So you can calm down right now. I'm no authority, I'm just reporting what's being observed at a biological level and at a sociological level. Promiscuity leads to more unhappiness, is not conducive to healthy, long lasting relationships, and it's not conducive to raising children in a healthy way. It is what it is, you don't have to like it.


You are saying people must follow your philosophy because that's the only way you and them will have a family. What if they like being swingers, what if they don't want a family? What if they are happy with whatever lifestyle they have. You have an agenda you think everyone needs to fit but why exactly do you believe it's YOUR right to dictate if someone is poly or a swinger or into a non-conventional BDSM sub/master relationship? Please tell me 
who gave you the right. You say no one cares about my opinion well why exactly is your worthless opinion so valid? If you want the right to your opinion you must validate it. Your opinion is that you are our ruler but you give no indication why we should follow your idiocy other than stating how prejudice you are. Now present why we need to follow you or admit that your arrogance is unjustified. Nobody cares how badly you want to have a family, it doesn't mean the rest of us need to stop living our lives to appease you.


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## Lonewaer (Jul 14, 2014)

MisterDexter said:


> You are saying people must follow your philosophy because that's the only way you and them will have a family. What if they like being swingers, what if they don't want a family? What if they are happy with whatever lifestyle they have. You have an agenda you think everyone needs to fit but why exactly do you believe it's YOUR right to dictate if someone is poly or a swinger or into a non-conventional BDSM sub/master relationship? Please tell me
> who gave you the right. You say no one cares about my opinion well why exactly is your worthless opinion so valid? If you want the right to your opinion you must validate it. Your opinion is that you are our ruler but you give no indication why we should follow your idiocy other than stating how prejudice you are. Now present why we need to follow you or admit that your arrogance is unjustified. Nobody cares how badly you want to have a family, it doesn't mean the rest of us need to stop living our lives to appease you.


Oooh, I see the issue here. You cannot understand what you read, because you're too emotional. Got it.

Not bothering with you anymore, you've demonstrated that you cannot have a reasonable and reasoned discussion. Goodbye.


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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

Lonewaer said:


> Oooh, I see the issue here. You cannot understand what you read, because you're too emotional. Got it.
> 
> Not bothering with you anymore, you've demonstrated that you cannot have a reasonable and reasoned discussion. Goodbye.


Says the person who can not justify thier reasoning for dictating everyone's romantic and sex life.


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