# Frustrated.



## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

So a few months ago, some people were really obsessed with gossiping about me. They'd write long paragraphs of crap on each other's walls about me and they'd even blog about me because that's how obsessed they are with talking about me. Then, I couldn't ignore it and had to respond, but it was no use because they were set on slandering my name. I decided to ignore the thing all together and I've been pretty good about ignoring it. Lurking their site after ignoring them for a while, today and yesterday I found threads and posts by them still referencing me even though I don't post there anymore. I'm tempted to sign up a new name and trash their site but I'm so much better than them. They're always trying to start things with people then they pretend like they don't deserve the consequences for gossiping.

Have you ever dealt with people who won't stop talking about you no matter how long it's been? Those are grown pathetic women with children, too and all they do all day is talk about people. I'm just annoyed they're still talking about me. It doesn't matter to me what they're saying. I haven't mentioned them or talked to them in a long time and they are STILL referencing me. It's unbelievable.


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## Duke Sam (Jul 18, 2014)

Yes, a few times actually. The way I look at it is, a sort of flattery, even if they're being insulting or slanderous towards you...
I see the obsession as a way of showing that you, the person being gossiped about, that you, and the things they think of you are more interesting than anything happening to them.

In another light it could be viewed as them simply being terrible people, who targeted somebody they don't usually associate with as a way of deflecting their inadequacies. Bullying, pick on the people who can't or won't react because they are smaller, or more mature.

As a possible resolution, I definitely wouldn't recommend sinking to their level, that whole process keeps making one go lower, until its impossible to get back to where they originally were. I won't say to just get over it and ignore them either, since that's easier said than done. As a result I'll suggest you talk to your closest friends about what's being spread about you, and that will remind you of the fact that the gossip being spread about you is nothing but a bunch of fallacies...
Hope that helped at least a little.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

Duke Sam said:


> Yes, a few times actually. The way I look at it is, a sort of flattery, even if they're being insulting or slanderous towards you...
> I see the obsession as a way of showing that you, the person being gossiped about, that you, and the things they think of you are more interesting than anything happening to them.
> 
> In another light it could be viewed as them simply being terrible people, who targeted somebody they don't usually associate with as a way of deflecting their inadequacies. Bullying, pick on the people who can't or won't react because they are smaller, or more mature.
> ...


I appreciate your input. It has helped. I try to view it as flattery that they're still talking about me months later when I haven't paid them any attention, but it's just getting so old. I have a hard time ignoring people who purposely provoke me. My motto is if a bully wants to poke me once, I'll poke them ten times back then I think to myself, "Why anymore?" Those people are never going to change and then they pretend to be victims when I give them a dose of their own medicine. It's sad. In a way, I say to myself: they are the victims. They don't have a good conscience to tell them what they are doing is wrong and they don't have a good conscience to tell them when to stop. I try to see it that way, too.


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## KokuroNya (Mar 19, 2012)

Why do you read the blog? You don't need to answer this, but...idk I guess how I see it, your true friends won't listen to the crap they post anyway. You have so much value as a human being. Don't give them the pleasure of seeing you doubt your value! That's how they win! Their attempts at tearing you down are garbage. Remember, you're too busy enjoying your life and being yourself to even care what they think. Unless the things they're saying are affecting your success in your work life, ignore those women.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

KokuroNya said:


> Why do you read the blog? You don't need to answer this, but...idk I guess how I see it, your true friends won't listen to the crap they post anyway. You have so much value as a human being. Don't give them the pleasure of seeing you doubt your value! That's how they win! Their attempts at tearing you down are garbage. Remember, you're too busy enjoying your life and being yourself to even care what they think. Unless the things they're saying are affecting your success in your work life, ignore those women.


I don't think I will read their site anymore. I hope they lurk my site just like I lurk theirs and they see my posts calling them selfish people. The thing that pisses me off about these people is that they openly admit on their blogs how they were properly diagnosed with mental disorders and how depressed and "lonely" they are. They have a family of their own to turn to and a great support system (that's not enough for them), yet they still come on the Internet to judge people. That's true. I just have to keep telling myself I've moved onto bigger and better things while they're still doing the same old things.


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## pik (Dec 9, 2013)

thelostxin said:


> Lurking their site after ignoring them for a while..


why? this was a dumb thing to do. it shows you are still being affected by them.

also, you have presented a very one-sided view of the situation, so i cannot sympathize with you entirely. i suspect there is some part of their gossip that's hooked onto some deeply set fear. identify this and face it. it will make you a better you and also render their gossip more irrelevant, and easier to ignore.

gossip that is outrageously false should be easy enough to ignore. the fact that it still bothers you makes me think you might have to get your hands dirty and look past your immediate defense mechanisms.


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## CreativeDreams (Oct 18, 2009)

You should realise people will always gossip and talk about others. Especially when they stand out in any way.
You do not have to see this as flattery. But you can see it that you touched peoples lifes. 
It can be in a good way, or a bad way. I leave that in the middle as it does not really matter. 

The fact you talk about them on your site is the same as they do, so I see no difference. Even if what you post is true and what they post is false, it makes no difference. The only reason why you are frustrated is because you can not close this for yourself. You are not frustrated because of their actions, but more because of your reaction.

There is nothing worse then getting ignored. But you should not ignore them out of hate. This is hate and still a reaction. 
You just have to accept some people are very stuck with their own ideas that there is nothing you could say or do to make them change their mind or behavior. I have spend enough energy on those people to know not to spend any on them anymore. 
It is not always easy. You have to deal with your own issues on this first to do this. Maybe you feel you did something wrong, or hoped it went different, or wished something did not happen, ... whatever it is, you have to deal with it and accept it. Just be happy you see how these people are now.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

pik said:


> why? this was a dumb thing to do. it shows you are still being affected by them.
> 
> also, you have presented a very one-sided view of the situation, so i cannot sympathize with you entirely. i suspect there is some part of their gossip that's hooked onto some deeply set fear. identify this and face it. it will make you a better you and also render their gossip more irrelevant, and easier to ignore.
> 
> gossip that is outrageously false should be easy enough to ignore. the fact that it still bothers you makes me think you might have to get your hands dirty and look past your immediate defense mechanisms.


It's true that it should be easy to ignore, but when newbies see their posts and don't know any better, they listen to it. Then again, I have to keep telling myself if they are that easily convinced of how people think I "am" then I don't need them as a friend.


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## pik (Dec 9, 2013)

thelostxin said:


> Then again, I have to keep telling myself if they are that easily convinced of how people think I "am" then I don't need them as a friend.


I think you want to be friends with newbies, and the only thing you think you can do is to wait to be seen favorably. And while the newbies eyes are wandering around aimlessly until they rest on you, you have to deal with uncomfortable uncertainties.

But that is not the only thing you can do! why not be just nicer to them? I've seen a few of your writings and it seems you are a thoughtful and warm person, and a beautiful person when you smile. Newbies as they are, they would probably be hungry for some more experienced person to befriend them, and because you care about them, you will be very awesome.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

pik said:


> I think you want to be friends with newbies, and the only thing you think you can do is to wait to be seen favorably. And while the newbies eyes are wandering around aimlessly until they rest on you, you have to deal with uncomfortable uncertainties.
> 
> But that is not the only thing you can do! why not be just nicer to them? I've seen a few of your writings and it seems you are a thoughtful and warm person, and a beautiful person when you smile. Newbies as they are, they would probably be hungry for some more experienced person to befriend them, and because you care about them, you will be very awesome.


Thank you so much, I appreciate the kind words. Whenever someone usually says something bad about me I most times have to say something back to them. I try to think now that if they are not reasonable anymore then I should just forget about it because it's a lose lose thing.


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## pik (Dec 9, 2013)

thelostxin said:


> Whenever someone usually says something bad about me I most times have to say something back to them.


Haha. What if someone says something nice about you? The potential is endless...


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

pik said:


> Haha. What if someone says something nice about you? The potential is endless...


lol so true, but it goes without saying that if people had nice things to say to each other they'd agree anyways


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## pik (Dec 9, 2013)

thelostxin said:


> lol so true, but it goes without saying that if people had nice things to say to each other they'd agree anyways


nah.. they'd battle endlessly about who is really the nicer person.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

pik said:


> nah.. they'd battle endlessly about who is really the nicer person.


lmfao I'm trying to imagine a conversation like that, it would be hilarious.


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## pik (Dec 9, 2013)

thelostxin said:


> lmfao I'm trying to imagine a conversation like that, it would be hilarious.


my suspicions are confirmed. you are beautiful when you laugh.


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

thelostxin said:


> Thank you so much, I appreciate the kind words. Whenever someone usually says something bad about me I most times have to say something back to them. I try to think now that if they are not reasonable anymore then I should just forget about it because it's a lose lose thing.


Yeah, that right there is an issue. If you put yourself out there to the public, you're going to probably receive some criticism, and you need to realize when someone is being spiteful and immature and not encourage him or her with a reply. Also, as has been noted, if these people's insults are getting under your skins then perhaps you fear that they're in some way valid, and you should find a way to address this concern so that they don't phase you so much. If it is indeed trivial gossip that these other bloggers are spewing, then I imagine few people will actually read it or give it any attention.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

Yomiel said:


> Yeah, that right there is an issue. If you put yourself out there to the public, you're going to probably receive some criticism, and you need to realize when someone is being spiteful and immature and not encourage him or her with a reply. Also, as has been noted, if these people's insults are getting under your skins then perhaps you fear that they're in some way valid, and you should find a way to address this concern so that they don't phase you so much. If it is indeed trivial gossip that these other bloggers are spewing, then I imagine few people will actually read it or give it any attention.


People can see for themselves that it's obviously not valid. I'm more concerned with why they are still talking about me when I haven't paid them any attention in ages and I have moved on with my life and yet they are still stuck on talking about me. That is disturbing to me.


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## Polexia (Apr 22, 2014)

They are gossiping, badmouthing and wasting their time trash talking someone (this case you).
In general, this is pretty sad and pathetic behavior coming from grown, immature women. 

My advice is to laugh at it when you see it. Laugh at how sad and pathetic it is that they have nothing better to do than gossip about someone. To be mad or lash back at their behavior and the words they say will only fuel their "thing" and give them even more to talk about. It might also give satisfaction to know that you know and that you care (is hurt by it). While when you ignore it (when you can) and laugh at it (when you see it/hear about it). I think this takes some of their "power" away. Also, if you ever were to give a comment on it, I recommend something short and sweet: haha, how sad is this? or a simple LOL. 

Are you ever confronted with their gossip in real life, or is it only in social media/blogs?


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

thelostxin said:


> I don't think I will read their site anymore. I hope they lurk my site just like I lurk theirs and they see my posts calling them selfish people.


Sounds like you are still engaging them by negative comments toward them if I read this correctly. That's how these things get stuck in an infinite loop. It's like two warring countries, I kill two of their people because they killed two of mine, which of course angers them and so they kill two more of my people so I kill two more of theirs...and the cycle continues and eventually no one even remembers what the original fight was even about.

Ignore them long enough and they'll eventually get tired. The right people will eventually realize that their comments don't match up with what they see from you anyway (assuming you are not actually doing whatever it is they say you are doing).

I like this quote, and have found it to be very true. "I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." George Bernard Shaw


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

PolexiaSmallPox said:


> They are gossiping, badmouthing and wasting their time trash talking someone (this case you).
> In general, this is pretty sad and pathetic behavior coming from grown, immature women.
> 
> My advice is to laugh at it when you see it. Laugh at how sad and pathetic it is that they have nothing better to do than gossip about someone. To be mad or lash back at their behavior and the words they say will only fuel their "thing" and give them even more to talk about. It might also give satisfaction to know that you know and that you care (is hurt by it). While when you ignore it (when you can) and laugh at it (when you see it/hear about it). I think this takes some of their "power" away. Also, if you ever were to give a comment on it, I recommend something short and sweet: haha, how sad is this? or a simple LOL.
> ...


Online. It's sad how they don't even realize how pathetic they are being toward someone they could have possibly enjoyed in person, but they think they "know" people from online. They mainly disagree with the way I think so they badmouth me with the way I handle things. I would have thought that being as old as they are, they would have been more experienced in the world and know how to act better, but I guess not.


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## Polexia (Apr 22, 2014)

thelostxin said:


> Online. It's sad how they don't even realize how pathetic they are being toward someone they could have possibly enjoyed in person, but they think they "know" people from online. They mainly disagree with the way I think so they badmouth me with the way I handle things. I would have thought that being as old as they are, they would have been more experienced in the world and know how to act better, but I guess not.


That is pretty sad and pathetic! 

Yes, one would think they should be more mature and have other things to preoccupied their time and minds with. Sadly, some people seem to be eternally stuck in the gossip mode of a high schooler. As if they are unable to move on because there is nothing else to do. 

Since it is online, I would suggest what several other people have: Ignore them and I'm standing by my other recommendation, if they ever contact you. it's not fun, it's not ideal. But interaction and showing them that you are seeing what they write AND have a negative reaction will only fuel their fire.


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

better to be discussed than to be ignored...

don't pay them attention...who the hell cares? 

concentrate on you.


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