# Dear ISTP's...



## EnfPrincess (Feb 1, 2014)

Hey there, ISTPs! *trying to compose myself*... *continues to bounce up and down*...:tongue: I'm an ENFP and there's this ISTP who has made it clear he wants a relationship with me... but in the future. HE pursued ME... yet I get the impression he wants me to wait around for him  since he isn't ready right now...
We casually dated for a while but I felt like it was going nowhere so I told him we could just be friends. He agreed, yet we still have feelings for each other and talk all the time... for hours at a time and it's not just me talking! roud: He also gives his own responses haha.. and really opens up. He has spoken to me about seeing me but I don't think I can handle being just friends.

My question: WHAT IS HE THINKING?! and WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

Apparently this happens a lot with out types, so... any ideas? Thanks!


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## AST (Oct 1, 2013)

Take what he says at face value and expect him to do the same. Be direct and honest with him.

If you want a relationship now, you might want to seek out why he isn't ready and potentially find a way to work around that, thought I don't recommend pressuring him in the least. If the answer is still, "wait", then either do so or move on.

If you're okay with waiting, do so.


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## EnfPrincess (Feb 1, 2014)

Oh, such simple yet wise ISTP advice! You guys never fail to amaze me *starry eyes* 

The thing is, we decided to be friends and just friends. Well, I said that and he agreed. It's been months since then and we have this flirty/confidant/connected soul kinda thing going on that hasn't stopped. So basically, do you ISTP's do this with friends you are just physically attracted but no longer wish to date or do you think there is more emotion behind all of this that you guys don't verbalize?

Also, do you normally tell people you don't wish to "close the door" to a future relationship with them to make them feel better or do you actually mean it? Are there actual intentions here??


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## AST (Oct 1, 2013)

I was engaged to an INFJ for a short period of time (after a year plus of being extremely close). We mutually postponed any such plans, and I eventually decided that the kind of life she wanted was different from mine. I made the choice to move on, and that was a quick and complete removal of romantic possibility on my part. I informed her of this the day I made that choice, because I am direct and honest in my relationships, and because I did not think it was fair to leave her with the potential hope for something that wouldn't happen. She and I are still great friends and very close. For a while, there WAS some difficulty because it is not so hard for INFJs to move on, but there is nothing you've described between us. I won't speak for other ISTPs on this matter, but I would never do something like that, and I don't find it consistent with what I know of the ISTP cognition in general. I don't personally know any other ISTPs, though, so the PerC community is my sole source of insight into other ISTPs.

Assuming he is trustworthy, I will almost guarantee you he means what he says. It is worthwhile to consider his reason for not being open at present. He most likely is open to the idea (anywhere from not objecting to that concept to actively desiring it), but does not think it is a good idea at present, or potentially even has an emotional hangup. Hell if I know.


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## EnfPrincess (Feb 1, 2014)

Thanks! He has been eager to meet up and once I said I had considered it, and agree we should meet for dinner, he's been more distant. Not sure what is up with this close/distant pattern. I wish I has the words to explain but English isn't my first language so it's hard to explain... All I know is my ENFP heart finds this confusing


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