# Big life changes



## Sunnyday822 (10 mo ago)

So, I’m an independent F / age 31. This summer my boyfriend is deploying and I have an opportunity to live by myself for 6 months where he’s stationed (not where he is deployed) until he returns home. The place isn’t the most ideal but it’s not about that. We are planning to live together anyways but the deployment delayed it. I’ve always lived with family and one ex partner. And when I first moved to the state I’m in now, I stayed in the house of friends with my brother renting a room there also. I’ve never truly lived on my own, but I know I am going to marry this man so there will never be a time on my own again after this. A part of me, even though I’ve traveled solo overseas and all over, and I really do have massive independence, is scared I’ll be super lonely and that I will wish I had chosen to live with my mom and little brother for these six months instead. There is the other question of what will I do? This town isn’t exactly known for its activities or anything and I’ll imagine I may not be able to be involved in much there. I knew that would happen but having my BF there would help. I will take care of my boyfriend’s dog, which is now also my baby too, so that brings me some purpose and comfort.

so question- would you take this 6 months and live on your own to just experience it and have some time by yourself? I’m working through a lot of mental /emotional / deconstruction of stuff right now and I think I’d like it, but I know I’ll miss my mom and my brother and the company of seeing them or being able to hang out etc. For context, she will be in the same state and only a few hours away at most so visiting is super easy. Anyways, please let me know your thoughts. I feel like it’ll be really healthy since I do sort of rely on my family and it’s only six months so I could really explore and occupy myself and create solo adventures like I used to do in europe when I moved there etc. I’ll welcome advice. Btw could be some emeshment issues with my family as I lost a parent when I was young and really cling to my family as they’re my #! Ok so take it away community! Pros and cons! 😌


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I say YOLO

It is only 6 months, so I never really would give it a second thought (saying if I was in your exact shoes), it is not a permanent lifestyle change. It is 6 months. I say go for it.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Well, if you're anything like my wife, she joined a book club with the other military wives and also started streaming for friends and family we were separated from. From what I've seen and from what she's told me, she mainly did Q&A sessions about us and made a good chunk of extra money doing so. Nothing pornographic though as she would also be representing me while I was deployed and a lot of the questions she answered were actually in fact about me on my journey to joining US Army SF.

I don't know if streaming sounds appealing to you but probably hanging with the other military wives would probably be your best bet otherwise.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Well, if you're anything like my wife, she joined a book club with the other military wives and also started streaming for friends and family we were separated from. From what I've seen and from what she's told me, she mainly did Q&A sessions about us and made a good chunk of extra money doing so. Nothing pornographic though as she would also be representing me while I was deployed and a lot of the questions she answered were actually in fact about me on my journey to joining US Army SF.
> 
> I don't know if streaming sounds appealing to you but probably hanging with the other military wives would probably be your best bet otherwise.


What did that have to do with OP? The whole porn comment I mean?


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

0.M.I.A.0 said:


> What did that have to do with OP? The whole porn comment I mean?


What do you mean? The OP will be a similar situation as my wife when she came to live with me on base but while I was deployed and explicitly said my wife DID NOT DO porn.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Sunnyday822 said:


> So, I’m an independent F / age 31. This summer my boyfriend is deploying and I have an opportunity to live by myself for 6 months where he’s stationed (not where he is deployed) until he returns home. The place isn’t the most ideal but it’s not about that. We are planning to live together anyways but the deployment delayed it. I’ve always lived with family and one ex partner. And when I first moved to the state I’m in now, I stayed in the house of friends with my brother renting a room there also. I’ve never truly lived on my own, but I know I am going to marry this man so there will never be a time on my own again after this. A part of me, even though I’ve traveled solo overseas and all over, and I really do have massive independence, is scared I’ll be super lonely and that I will wish I had chosen to live with my mom and little brother for these six months instead. There is the other question of what will I do? This town isn’t exactly known for its activities or anything and I’ll imagine I may not be able to be involved in much there. I knew that would happen but having my BF there would help. I will take care of my boyfriend’s dog, which is now also my baby too, so that brings me some purpose and comfort.
> 
> so question- would you take this 6 months and live on your own to just experience it and have some time by yourself? I’m working through a lot of mental /emotional / deconstruction of stuff right now and I think I’d like it, but I know I’ll miss my mom and my brother and the company of seeing them or being able to hang out etc. For context, she will be in the same state and only a few hours away at most so visiting is super easy. Anyways, please let me know your thoughts. I feel like it’ll be really healthy since I do sort of rely on my family and it’s only six months so I could really explore and occupy myself and create solo adventures like I used to do in europe when I moved there etc. I’ll welcome advice. Btw could be some emeshment issues with my family as I lost a parent when I was young and really cling to my family as they’re my #! Ok so take it away community! Pros and cons! 😌


If you do this, you'll need to establish a routine you can live with. This was huge for me when the pandemic forced all of us to work from home. I built my day around a routine that included daily walks, some meditation, and time to sit and vege. Establish a time to get up and a time to go to bed too. I gave myself a treat on the weekends (days off) and let myself be a little more unstructured. Also, you need to figure out some hobbies and activities that you enjoy. If you need some socialization, you can work that in too. Don't forget to allocate time for doing all the chores that need to be kept up with (cleaning, bills, laundry, groceries, etc).


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> What do you mean? The OP will be a similar situation as my wife when she came to live with me on base but while I was deployed and explicitly said my wife DID NOT DO porn.


Yeah I caught that. The porn comment seemed strangely placed, and irrelevant to OP.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

0.M.I.A.0 said:


> Yeah I caught that. The porn comment seemed strangely placed, and irrelevant to OP.


I'm guessing you're not familiar with military life, because it happens. Especially to military wives and I guess husbands too. It can happen when you bring a bunch of lonely spouses to a military community then isolate them from the rest of society. Maybe not porn specifically but that's because my wife has always wanted to be some form of celebrity and to her, streaming scratched that itch. I've had two people under my command receive letters from their girlfriends back home that she was leaving them for another man. It was always some asshole civilian who was probably a deadbeat loser and would end up sponging off her and her one life ruining bad decision. Aside from a death in the family, receiving a letter from your spouse saying she/he is leaving you for some loser is one of the worst news you can receive while on deployment, and it happens. A lot.

Anyway, I digress but relationships ending due to being sent to some far off part of the world is a huge issue with joining the military. I'm lucky enough to have a loyal wife, but I've had some guys serve with me who weren't so lucky, and you feel for them because they're in a tough situation only to find out they won't have a girlfriend/wife/husband/spouse/etc to come home to.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> I'm guessing you're not familiar with military life, because it happens. Especially to military wives and I guess husbands too. It can happen when you bring a bunch of lonely spouses to a military community then isolate them from the rest of society. Maybe not porn specifically but that's because my wife has always wanted to be some form of celebrity and to her, streaming scratched that itch. I've had two people under my command receive letters from their girlfriends back home that she was leaving them for another man. It was always some asshole civilian who was probably a deadbeat loser and would end up sponging off her and her one life ruining bad decision. Aside from a death in the family, receiving a letter from your spouse saying she/he is leaving you for some loser is one of the worst news you can receive while on deployment, and it happens. A lot.
> 
> Anyway, I digress but relationships ending due to being sent to some far off part of the world is a huge issue with joining the military. I'm lucky enough to have a loyal wife, but I've had some guys serve with me who weren't so lucky, and you feel for them because they're in a tough situation only to find out they won't have a girlfriend/wife/husband/spouse/etc to come home to.


Thanks for clarifying. I definitely did not conclude or understand that, until you elaborated. Makes more sense.


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## Sunnyday822 (10 mo ago)

0.M.I.A.0 said:


> What did that have to do with OP? The whole porn comment I mean?


 I was wondering the same…. I didn’t even mean to insinuate any such thing in my original message…..


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Sunnyday822 said:


> I was wondering the same…. I didn’t even mean to insinuate any such thing in my original message…..


Just don't cheat on your boyfriend or do something stupid like leave him for another person in those six months. If you want a takeaway message just remember that then.


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## Sunnyday822 (10 mo ago)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Just don't cheat on your boyfriend or do something stupid like leave him for another person in those six months. If you want a takeaway message just remember that then.


I come from a military family - dad was a MSgt and mom was in as well. He’s AF too. I am not dumb or ignorant to this life in anyway nor am I like all those girls whatsoever. My boyfriend is a one in a million and at 31 I’m pretty damn confident in who I have. I’d never do such a thing. He’s the kind of man you find once in your life, if ever. Thank you for the support / advise though lol ….


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Sunnyday822 said:


> I come from a military family - dad was a MSgt and mom was in as well. He’s AF too. I am not dumb or ignorant to this life in anyway nor am I like all those girls whatsoever. My boyfriend is a one in a million and at 31 I’m pretty damn confident in who I have. I’d never do such a thing. He’s the kind of man you find once in your life, if ever. Thank you for the support / advise though lol ….


Good. I'm just tired of learning of disloyal spouses leaving their SO while on deployment. Six months isn't even that long, my wife and I have gone 18 months apart and we did just fine. 

Good to hear you've found your man and not going to stray.


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## Sunnyday822 (10 mo ago)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Good. I'm just tired of learning of disloyal spouses leaving their SO while on deployment. Six months isn't even that long, my wife and I have gone 18 months apart and we did just fine.
> 
> Good to hear you've found your man and not going to stray.


Thank you so much. I know. It’s a sad story that happens too often and I remember one guy, back when I was in the dating world, telling me he didn’t like to be in a relationship when he deployed and rightly so, many women can’t handle this life. I asked my boyfriend if he had any worries and he doesn’t. I don’t worry about him either. I also don’t think six months is very long and we have been long distance already so it makes it easier. I’m educated and makes my own money and don’t want him for benefits or anything like some of these women want. So I’m with him because of truly who he is as a person and the love we both have for one another.
Btw thank you for your service!! And to your wife too. I know it’s a sacrifice for all. God bless


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Sunnyday822 said:


> Thank you so much. I know. It’s a sad story that happens too often and I remember one guy, back when I was in the dating world, telling me he didn’t like to be in a relationship when he deployed and rightly so, many women can’t handle this life. I asked my boyfriend if he had any worries and he doesn’t. I don’t worry about him either. I also don’t think six months is very long and we have been long distance already so it makes it easier. I’m educated and makes my own money and don’t want him for benefits or anything like some of these women want. So I’m with him because of truly who he is as a person and the love we both have for one another.
> Btw thank you for your service!! And to your wife too. I know it’s a sacrifice for all. God bless


Yes, I would probably suggest that for someone turning 18 and enlisting but I'd probably hold my tongue since it's not my responsibility to also manage a young enlistee's love life as well, hahahah. Thank you for the acknowledgement and for not forgetting my wife. She's done a lot of work with the USO so she has served in her own way as well.  Thank you for your boyfriend's/financee/futurehusband's service as well and you should especially be commended for knowing not to fall into the trap of cheating or leaving him while he's gone. Yes it's hard but after those six months are up, it's back to your old life... unless he re-enlists and to be quite honest, I don't see any reason to as we're not currently in any wars.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Good question. I've actually spent a lot of time alone. Recently I planned to live with my sister. But when I went there, I realized her city (where I used to live also) had become too big for me. So I moved far away, to a town with cheap rent, and now I live alone. I sometimes wistfully think I should have stayed with my sister.

Six months isn't very long, and personally I don't think it would be that valuable an experience to live by yourself in a boring town for that period of time. It might be more worthwhile to consider other things instead:

If you go to your mother's, would you be taking the dog with you? How would that work out?

Would it be advantageous to your relationship to be in the town where your boyfriend is stationed? For example, setting up a nice home for him to come home to?

Will your boyfriend stay in the military? If so, do you anticipate future separations -- or is this really your last chance to live solo?

There are other things you could be asking yourself, but I think you get the idea. Good luck figuring it out.


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## ISFJ_dicovers (Nov 12, 2021)

I would. It's only 6 months and you can visit your family quickly. I think you actually want it too, you're just a little scared.


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## ESFJMouse (Oct 13, 2020)

Once you are married and if you have kids you will think back about the time you lived on your own as kind of..."something I did on my own".


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