# Being asked why you're shy, how to respond?



## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

A professor got word that I was afraid to go and ask a question during office hours (this is due to shyness). I have a feeling he will ask me during the lecture in front of the class and I just don't know how I should respond to being asked why I acted a certain way due to my shyness...especially in front of others.

I feel like I'll end up getting beet red and perhaps even cry due to the pressure and embarrassment I'd feel at that moment... I mean, up until now this is all based on paranoid thoughts but still the reason why I'm lead to believe he will do this is because of his personality & how he's acted in the past. He addresses EVERYTHING in class and says he remembers everything students do and say (and based on things that have happened I believe that).

I know I shouldn't be afraid to ask and its his job to help me but sometimes its hard to bring myself to do these things.


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## Incognito Detective (Jun 14, 2015)

Gossip Goat said:


> A professor got word that I was afraid to go and ask a question during office hours (this is due to shyness). I have a feeling he will ask me during the lecture in front of the class and I just don't know how I should respond to being asked why I acted a certain way due to my shyness...especially in front of others.
> 
> I feel like I'll end up getting beet red and perhaps even cry due to the pressure and embarrassment I'd feel at that moment... I mean, up until now this is all based on paranoid thoughts but still the reason why I'm lead to believe he will do this is because of his personality & how he's acted in the past. He addresses EVERYTHING in class and says he remembers everything students do and say (and based on things that have happened I believe that).
> 
> I know I shouldn't be afraid to ask and its his job to help me but sometimes its hard to bring myself to do these things.


I would respond with something like, "No two human beings are completely alike," but that might be hard to do on the spot. I think you're worrying too much to be honest. It's commonly accepted knowledge (even among extroverts) that some people are shy even for those outsiders who aren't capable of really understanding it. You don't have to answer to anyone about your shyness: It's a symptom of how you process information and the exact way you do that is unique to you and you alone. It's really none of their business to try to question, let alone challenge that process (at least when it's not harmful to others, which in regards to you I can't imagine that being the case). I hope that alleviates some of your concerns, good luck.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Well you need to do it otherwise you will never get used to it and get desensitized to it. Mental preparation is not having preparation. You recognize "paranoid" thoughts, but what you don't realize is that these can be filled in by other thoughts.
Other than that, people used to ask me why I didn't talk all the time. Naturally I didn't respond because I didn't talk. Becoming a selective mute is not something you would want, I was that.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

sometimes I can be apprehensive when talking to people about things. especially if i feel i ll be a bother to other people. however, whats the worst they can do? if you think about that, then you will realize nothing will happen.


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

My standard response is, "Well it all started 7 years ago with 3 ninjas and a giant watermelon..."

Sometimes I just shrug and say "I dunno"
Other times I say, "Well I'm just shy with everyone." Sometimes people just want to know you don't have something against them personally.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

Gossip Goat, I don't think your professor is allowed to ask such a question. It's inappropriate. If you know for sure he is the kind of person who has no tact, go to him before class to make sure he does not ask such a question of you in public. I know it's hard to go up to him before class but is that not better than having to deal with this in class in front of everybody else?


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

You liquidate them before this unwanted attention leaks any further.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

conscius said:


> Gossip Goat, I don't think your professor is allowed to ask such a question. It's inappropriate. If you know for sure he is the kind of person who has no tact, go to him before class to make sure he does not ask such a question of you in public. I know it's hard to go up to him before class but is that not better than having to deal with this in class in front of everybody else?


I would do that, but the next class we have a test and what I wanted to ask was a question pertaining to the material and he'd definitely not answer my question then. He doesn't have office hours before the class (which starts at 7:30 a.m.). Sigh, I should have gone in the first place. My brother was the person who told the professor this and he was supposed to tell me the professor told him he was expecting me but he just told me to go and ask (which to me was a suggestion to face my fears) instead of telling me that I was being expected (which feels more like an obligation to me). Which I think worsens the situation because it makes me seem painfully shy, which I am but I would have gone if I had known I was being expected. So I may have seemed rude.

I guess I really have no other option than to hope for the best and if he does ask me to try and maintain my composure. He wouldn't ask me why I was being shy but more why I was afraid to go and ask. He gives students a hard time (ish) which is why I'm all nervous about what's going to happen.


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## oheyErin (Jul 7, 2015)

Gossip Goat said:


> I wanted to ask was a question pertaining to the material and he'd definitely not answer my question then.


I had this problem also. I'm only talking about how to ask questions in class. People can mistake shyness with being introverted. Not the case. Shyness is fear of social rejection. To overcome this fear of having all the attention on you I suggest (if you can) sitting in the front row. That way you can't see everyone looking at you and all they see is the back of your head. Also don't be afraid of asking questions for one if he didn't cover the material and it's going to be on the test, then you need to know it, right? Second, other students may have the same question or not know they had the question. Plus it's practice for bigger challenges like the dreaded class speeches yuck. 

If he does ask, be honest and say you prefer not having the attention on you. Most people can relate. You're not alone


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

if someone calls me "shy", I just tell them the truth, which is usually along the lines of "I'm not shy, just analyzing", or occasionally "well, frankly, you kinda piss me off, so I'm just trying to keep my mouth shut".




Gossip Goat said:


> A professor got word that I was afraid to go and ask a question during office hours (this is due to shyness). I have a feeling he will ask me during the lecture in front of the class and I just don't know how I should respond to being asked why I acted a certain way due to my shyness...especially in front of others.
> I feel like I'll end up getting beet red and perhaps even cry due to the pressure and embarrassment I'd feel at that moment... I mean, up until now this is all based on paranoid thoughts but still the reason why I'm lead to believe he will do this is because of his personality & how he's acted in the past. He addresses EVERYTHING in class and says he remembers everything students do and say (and based on things that have happened I believe that).
> I know I shouldn't be afraid to ask and its his job to help me but sometimes its hard to bring myself to do these things.


at the risk of coming off harsh, being able to communicate in a group setting is a necessity to be successful at anything. in the short term, you can just say "I'm sorry, I forgot what I wanted to say" if he calls you out, but you're going to have to at least work up the courage to discuss it with him in private, if not during office hours than by email. everyone is afraid at times. it is by confronting our fears that we grow.


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## jehosafats (Feb 23, 2013)

Anyone with the guts to ask me that is probably a keeper


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## nO_d3N1AL (Apr 25, 2014)

You have to remember that often-times when people ask "Why", they're not really looking for a scientific explanation. They're just looking to make a statement and assert that it is correct. So when someone says "Why are you shy?" they're really just trying to say "You are shy"; unless there is a specific reason in which case you would say so. Otherwise just say "it's in my nature I guess".


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

If someone tries to put forth my shyness as a negative quality, I tend to assume a very unapologetic stance and respond curtly (and unemotionally) in a way that deflects the presumptuous nature of their position.

"Dunno. Same reason some people never shut up, I guess!"


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## Macrosapien (Apr 4, 2010)

You could try to put attention into the palm of your hand, but really get a sensation of your hand, feel it and then speak. Attempt to speak not only from just your head, but also your body, you may find it more easier ro speak, if you want too. Or you could hold shyness as a question, what is shyness? And this could be a useful question, as a question of self is self observation.

As for being asked why you are shy, well you could ask them, why do they have any of the psychological peculiarities that they have? Why does anyone has mannerisms, shyness, anxieties, extroversion's, introversion's, and so forth? Say you are shy because this is an natural function of your psychological life, just like it is for whoever is talking to you not be shy -- we arent all supposed to be the same, and unless my shyness is some type of obstacle to my growth, or I personally, dislike it and want it to be different, there is no reason to see it as a negative.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

this is what i say
i'm deciding how to dispose of your body:shocked:


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## Skeletalz (Feb 21, 2015)

nO_d3N1AL said:


> You have to remember that often-times when people ask "Why", they're not really looking for a scientific explanation. They're just looking to make a statement and assert that it is correct. So when someone says "Why are you shy?" they're really just trying to say "You are shy"; unless there is a specific reason in which case you would say so. Otherwise just say "it's in my nature I guess".


This.

Although, there are situations where there is really no reason to be shy, it doesnt matter if its in your nature as youre missing out regardless of that.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

"because people were mean to me"


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## Amine (Feb 23, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> A professor got word that I was afraid to go and ask a question during office hours (this is due to shyness). I have a feeling he will ask me during the lecture in front of the class and I just don't know how I should respond to being asked why I acted a certain way due to my shyness...especially in front of others.
> 
> I feel like I'll end up getting beet red and perhaps even cry due to the pressure and embarrassment I'd feel at that moment... I mean, up until now this is all based on paranoid thoughts but still the reason why I'm lead to believe he will do this is because of his personality & how he's acted in the past. He addresses EVERYTHING in class and says he remembers everything students do and say (and based on things that have happened I believe that).
> 
> I know I shouldn't be afraid to ask and its his job to help me but sometimes its hard to bring myself to do these things.


You seem like a perfect candidate to recommend meditation to. I actually don't meditate myself (I used to), nor do I think most people need to, but this situation is exactly right for it.

Meditating every day will allow you to, in a sense, anchor yourself in yourself. The problem with shyness is being too excitable by social interactions. If you sit and meditate for some time every day, you will be able to face them more calmly and get less worked up by the potential negative outcomes you perceive. 

I would recommend 20-30 minutes a day, no more than that. Doing any more will get you too focused on the meditation itself. It will only take you so far, and more is not always better. You don't want to make it more than it is. It's not the sort of thing you can force to work faster by doing an excessive amount.

So, look up how to sit in the half-lotus position. Get a cushion or a couple of books to sit on, elevating your butt 2-4 inches. Face a blank wall; the idea is not to be distracted by anything. Keep your eyes open, but relaxed. What you do with your hands is up to you, some people like to make a "mudra", but I would just rest them on my knees keeping my pointer finger touched to my thumb on each hand. Set your alarm for 20-30 minutes, and just sit. Don't think about anything in particular. Just maintain an open awareness of your body and your environment. You will almost certainly drift off in daydream a few times, but when you notice this just come back to the present moment and let it pass. Don't get frustrated if it keeps happening. Just keep returning.

And that's it. This should really help you find a space of your own where you can turn down the volume on the outside world. You will find you are freer to act openly and relax around others because you have this space which no one can really touch. Try it out, I think it will work well for you.


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## Awkwardacious (Aug 11, 2014)

I remember back in junior high, I was a new student, and I shared a name with this really outgoing popular tomboy girl in class. She's pretty chill and I admired her for it. Her best friend, though, was kinda... Well, to put it simply, she seemed to really dislike me. I just got this "I don't like you" vibe from her. 

One day in class, she went and asked the class all of a sudden, "Hey guys, you know what's the difference between <the girl who shares my name> and <me>? <Me> can't talk!" It was something along those lines. She laughed at her own joke. Some of the people in class kinda felt sorry for me though, and told her that was really uncalled for. But ughhh still, it hurt and was very embarrassing. It's not like I _chose_ to be quiet. It's just...who I am, I guess? My best guess for the very reason I got my shyness and quietness is probably due to the so many changes in my life that I've been through. But everybody has their own reason for being shy/quiet. 

I've been asked why I'm quiet a lot of times, often by people that don't even talk to me. I just shrug it off and say, "I don't know" and awkwardly laugh in the end. Probably not a good answer, but eh, it helps getting me past the awkward situations really well. 

By now you probably already got asked (or didn't get asked?) by your professor. Whatever it is you ended up saying or not saying, I hope it went well. I believe it's nobody's business in the first place though to know the reason why a person is just the way they are.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Awkwardacious said:


> I remember back in junior high, I was a new student, and I shared a name with this really outgoing popular tomboy girl in class. She's pretty chill and I admired her for it. Her best friend, though, was kinda... Well, to put it simply, she seemed to really dislike me. I just got this "I don't like you" vibe from her.
> 
> One day in class, she went and asked the class all of a sudden, "Hey guys, you know what's the difference between <the girl who shares my name> and <me>? <Me> can't talk!" It was something along those lines. She laughed at her own joke. Some of the people in class kinda felt sorry for me though, and told her that was really uncalled for. But ughhh still, it hurt and was very embarrassing. It's not like I _chose_ to be quiet. It's just...who I am, I guess? My best guess for the very reason I got my shyness and quietness is probably due to the so many changes in my life that I've been through. But everybody has their own reason for being shy/quiet.
> 
> ...


YES!!!! People who don't even talk to me are the ones who ask me that. 

And yeah, it already happened. He asked me twice in private then once in front of everyone. I just stayed quiet and smiled. I tried to say something when it happened but I choked up. Then he went on a little tangent about shyness. And since then every so often makes a comment about it. To which I just smile at, because I honestly don't know what else to do.


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> YES!!!! People who don't even talk to me are the ones who ask me that.
> 
> And yeah, it already happened. He asked me twice in private then once in front of everyone. I just stayed quiet and smiled. I tried to say something when it happened but I choked up. Then he went on a little tangent about shyness. And since then every so often makes a comment about it. To which I just smile at, because I honestly don't know what else to do.


Time for Ratemyprofessor...


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## Alpha_Orionis (Jan 18, 2015)

Most people that ask me that are those who i do not find interesting, therefore i have nothing to talk about to them. People that i find interesting know that i am not shy. My usual response is "I am not shy, i just do not find you interesting.


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