# I feel like everybody secretly dislikes me



## colorbullets (Dec 20, 2012)

Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me. It's weird, because when I get this anxiety I believe they really do dislike me, but at the same time I know they don't, I think.
I've cried myself to sleep more than once over this, and I don't feel better until I see them the next day and notice that they are as usual - and don't hate me, I think.
And I always seek after signs that they dislike me.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

colorbullets said:


> Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
> Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me. It's weird, because when I get this anxiety I believe they really do dislike me, but at the same time I know they don't, I think.
> I've cried myself to sleep more than once over this, and I don't feel better until I see them the next day and notice that they are as usual - and don't hate me, I think.
> And I always seek after signs that they dislike me.


even worst case scenario, people hating you isn't necessarily bad. it's a sign you have a personality 
I wear it as a badge of honor


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## colorbullets (Dec 20, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> even worst case scenario, people hating you isn't necessarily bad. it's a sign you have a personality
> I wear it as a badge of honor


If I was actually happy with the way I am, then I would take it as a compliment, but I don't.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

colorbullets said:


> If I was actually happy with the way I am, then I would take it as a compliment, but I don't.


then, all the same, other people's opinions are irrelevant. the question is "what do *you* want to be like?". once you've decided that, then strive to be that. if other people don't like it, they can go get satisfied by a horse.


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## Afruabarkio (May 29, 2011)

Maybe you secretly dislike everybody.


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## FakeLefty (Aug 19, 2013)

There is a good chance that things are not as bad as you perceive it to be. What you perceive as a massive social mistake, people probably don't even notice. Plus, who cares if there are some people out there who disapprove of you? There are over 7 billion people on this planet. If there are a few that don't approve of you, you can find new friends. 

So in a nutshell, you're worrying WAY more than you should be.


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## Volant (Oct 5, 2013)

Don't fall into the trap of thinking for people, assuming you know what they think of you. I lived like that for a long while- and still have repercussions of it sometimes- and all it does is create paranoia and constant self-consciousness and a negative self-image of oneself. :| Worry solves nothing- who by worrying can add a single hour to his life (Luke 12:25)? We are all humans, and no one is more important than anyone else, regardless of social status.


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## colorbullets (Dec 20, 2012)

Thanks for the great answers. I read and take on board everything that you say.


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## 66393 (Oct 17, 2013)

I feel you, i get this all the time and end up finding out its the opposite if anything haha


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## Eudaimonia (Sep 24, 2013)

I apologized to my friend one day after asking for advice and he said "Of course I'll help you. I'm your friend" and it was like I had to be reminded that is what friends do. I feel like I'm not worthy of people's time and I never know if people really like me. It is good to get a little verbal confirmation sometimes that someone actually likes me every once in a while.


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## colorbullets (Dec 20, 2012)

FakeLefty said:


> There is a good chance that things are not as bad as you perceive it to be. What you perceive as a massive social mistake, people probably don't even notice.


I do know that things aren't anywhere near as bad as I trick myself into believing and I do know that the (to me) massive and crucial social mistakes I do are forgotten the very next day, or hour. I know all of this, but at the same time I don't. It's as if I need to find something about my day to have anxiety about when I come home and sit alone in my room and have time to think, unwind and breathe out.


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## FakeLefty (Aug 19, 2013)

colorbullets said:


> I do know that things aren't anywhere near as bad as I trick myself into believing and I do know that the (to me) massive and crucial social mistakes I do are forgotten the very next day, or hour. I know all of this, but at the same time I don't. It's as if I need to find something about my day to have anxiety about when I come home and sit alone in my room and have time to think, unwind and breathe out.


Well, small steps first, then. The key is to not overthinking it. The art of not thinking may be difficult to master in the beginning, but start by taking part in activities, preferably solo activities, that will keep you preoccupied; come up with a massive to-do list, no matter how trivial the tasks may be, to keep you from giving yourself the time to overthink your tendencies. The problem with you is that you worry and think too much. By keeping yourself busy, you may ease up on the anxiety.


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## JonE (Sep 28, 2013)

I have a pretty good idea who likes and dislikes me, but I really don't give a shit.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Random2d (Jul 16, 2013)

colorbullets said:


> Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
> Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me. It's weird, because when I get this anxiety I believe they really do dislike me, but at the same time I know they don't, I think.
> I've cried myself to sleep more than once over this, and I don't feel better until I see them the next day and notice that they are as usual - and don't hate me, I think.
> And I always seek after signs that they dislike me.


Unless you go up and punch everybody in the face, I doubt everyone dislikes you. The trick is when you start having these thoughts you need to find a way to make them stop before you get stuck in a negative-thought cycle. Your thoughts can affect your emotions, and your emotions can affect your thoughts.

Try thinking logically through the situation. What happened today that shows that some people like you? Maybe Person X smiled at you or Person Y asked you to do something, or maybe person Z was interested in how your weekend went, etc.

This of course is sometimes easier said than done, and you find yourself still stuck in this cycle, I recommend seeing a therapist that can help you learn to avoid these negative-thought cycles/traps through cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness training (which everyone on earth can benefit from).


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## sarek (May 20, 2010)

@colorbullets , you are quite a bit like me. I always wanted to be liked so badly, always wanted to work harder and go the extra mile and shortchange myself at every opportunity just so that I could have the feeling I had a right to exist and be part of things. Even now, at 50, I am still working to understand this.

But the truth is, you, me and everyone else is good exactly the way we are. We have a right to be, simply because we exist. 

Most people are not concerned with others, they are concerned with themselves. No one is going around 'liking' or 'disliking' people all day long, people are far too busy with their own issues. 
So most of your fears about what other people may think are inside your own head and you will find that all those others around you have barely even noticed the same mosquito that you have been turning into a stampeding elephant. 

Conversely, other people are often a reflection of what is in our own mind. The world, and the way we look at it, is a mirror of our own psyche and in it we see the things we often refuse to see in ourselves.
So, instead of looking outside, look inside yourself and try and reflect on what it means for yourself that you see these fears of not being liked by others.


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

colorbullets said:


> Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
> Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me.


"Lately" - How long has this ritual gone on for?

Is there a difference in how you feel before and after you've convinced yourself of this? 

If you need a reminder: is there anyone you can ask regarding whether they like you despite stuff that you do? 

I may be wrong, but it sounds like projection to me? - expecting others to dislike you for the same "stupid, rude and wrong" things you judge yourself for doing.

How much focus do you yourself put into actively disliking others? (secretly or not)

Do affirmations from other people help? Possible to request that someone do it regularly when they can find something that they genuinely like about you?


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

For myself to combat such thoughts you have to accept the nice things people say about you or observable things that verify you're not annoying the hell out of someone. I expressed to a person I often talk to online that i finally came to the conclusion that I wasn't annoying to her because she responds so well and so often to when i initiate a conversations. Plus on other moments I asked directly whether I was a bother. I've been pleasantly surprised by people to find out they actually enjoy my thoughts and company and it's only negative self talk that made me doubt that. So you have to try and call bullshit when you're being mean to yourself and challenge it and see why it isn't true by looking for proof. You critique your criticism


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

colorbullets said:


> Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
> Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me. It's weird, because when I get this anxiety I believe they really do dislike me, but at the same time I know they don't, I think.
> I've cried myself to sleep more than once over this, and I don't feel better until I see them the next day and notice that they are as usual - and don't hate me, I think.
> And I always seek after signs that they dislike me.


Well, at least you know that your feelings are irrational.

This may stem from a deeper problem in your past, though. Perhaps you've had patterns of dealing with hostile behaviour from others. After 10 years of bullying, I had a very similar, deepseated paranoia, and still do. That I'm not good enough, that I'm annoying, and that I'm inferior.

I'm not sure if you'll follow any advice, or if you're just looking for sympathy and a few textual shoulders to cry on, but... I will try to give advice anyways.

Write a list of all of the things you think are negative in people, and the world.

Write a list of all of the things you think are positive in people, and the world.

Write a list of all of the things you think you could do, become, and learn, if you set your mind to it.

Check off things that fit you from your all-encompassing list, look it over, and see how you could grow as an individual, based on _your _criteria, and no one else's.


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## k1123 (Jan 8, 2014)

I feel the same way, though it does get easier with time. Focus on those who like you and want to be in your life. As for the others, what they think is none of your business. If you can be yourself, and like the person you are enough to shine, then you be surrounded by people who adore the real you.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Tis a tricky one when negative thinking patterns and self esteem issues can become a self fulfilling prophecy or a self serving bias in itself, in particular (triggers or abuse aside) people that believe themselves fat, ugly or stupid compared to others often keep looking for 'signs' or treating others as if they 'must feel this way by default' (sometimes even 'announcing faults' and goading people into agreeing), without actually seeking reality checks about how severe a priority perceptions really are versus what people actually think and feel. Instead seeking affirmation and 'desirability' examples out, sometimes even socialising with people they have nothing in common with as a self limiting practise, fearing what 'the loss of identity' in the familiar self depreciation will actually mean for them.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

I feel like everybody openly dislikes me.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

colorbullets said:


> Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
> Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me. It's weird, because when I get this anxiety I believe they really do dislike me, but at the same time I know they don't, I think.
> I've cried myself to sleep more than once over this, and I don't feel better until I see them the next day and notice that they are as usual - and don't hate me, I think.
> And I always seek after signs that they dislike me.


Well I am truly disliked at school, when I'm nice they still treat me below human, when I'm a bitch its the same but maybe more direct & scarring.

But the only advice I can give you is that, you can't live you're life trying to make everyone happy or like you, this has taken me more than 10 years to understand, I know its hard because everyone wants to be liked, but once you understand that you cant live life by trying to make people like you, you will suffer much less, I still get sad when I find out people say terrible things about me or think bad things about me or WISH bad things upon me. 

It's up to you to decide whether you want to live life under the fear of whether or not people like you or if you don't care as much. If you know you haven't done anything wrong to them why should you be afraid of what they think. 

People will always be stupid & immature & obsess and talk over stupid things but just know you're above them by many years of maturity, you're above all the gossip & the bitchiness. 

Do what's right & if they have a problem with it let them have their little tantrum about it and enjoy the fact that you make such an impact in their small pathetic lives.


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## xraydav (Jan 3, 2013)

colorbullets said:


> Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
> Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me. It's weird, because when I get this anxiety I believe they really do dislike me, but at the same time I know they don't, I think.
> I've cried myself to sleep more than once over this, and I don't feel better until I see them the next day and notice that they are as usual - and don't hate me, I think.
> And I always seek after signs that they dislike me.


Everyone is unique. So it's most likely a thought in your head telling you that everyone dislikes you, and in that case it's best to understand and remind yourself that everyone thinks differently and therefore, not everyone dislikes you in the way you could imagine (if it were true). You're not a mind reader, that's why you don't know that everyone dislikes you. 

If you remind yourself of the right mentality that should keep the anxious thought at bay, and also the anxiety over others disliking you at bay as well, then you can let go of it. It's sort of like brainwashing yourself, but the thing is, since it is the truth, it is the complete opposite of brainwashing more like unbrainwashing yourself of crap thoughts. 

Now about the focus on the 'wrong things': remind yourself that one moment doesn't justify your entire existence, you have done bad things but you have also done some good things in the past as well, like uploading this status out of concern for other people and out of concern for other peoples thoughts - and this is purely good, imagine all the people in the world who don't take this step and continually torment those around them almost out of pleasure. 

I think I've said this many times on here before, but it helps to write a journal and list all the things you feel anxious about, then give evidence to why you think these things are true. Then after that entry, write more positive sentences that can counteract those negative thoughts, and give evidence for those seemingly positive thoughts. The more you believe in the evidence for the positive thoughts, the more you get rid of the anxiety surrounding the negative ones.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

colorbullets said:


> I do know that things aren't anywhere near as bad as I trick myself into believing and I do know that the (to me) massive and crucial social mistakes I do are forgotten the very next day, or hour. I know all of this, but at the same time I don't. It's as if I need to find something about my day to have anxiety about when I come home and sit alone in my room and have time to think, unwind and breathe out.


Honestly, you really need to stop caring so much about what other people think about you. It's honestly not worth it, what horrible things can you possibly do? Focus on doing the right thing & the right thing for you, if you haven't done anything truly horrible you shouldn't feel bad about yourself, if they don't like you for not acting or speaking according to their wishes then you shouldn't be held responsible for what they desire. You shouldn't punish yourself.


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## JonE (Sep 28, 2013)

It's not worth killing yourself over other people's perceptions. I did that all throughout high school and almost quite literally did that in the process. After a while you learn that Half the people you thought disliked you didn't care dick either way, and the other half were just boring, vapid gossips who I wouldn't have pissed on if they were on fire.




Sent from my iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk


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## 45130 (Aug 26, 2012)

I always feel like this too, I'm sorry to hear I'm not the only one.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Age check. We all go through that at one point or another.


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

Do you dislike yourself too, by any chance?


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## sweaters (Nov 21, 2014)

I don't know how bad this feeling has gotten for you, so my response may be kind of over the top, but I've felt this way and take it very seriously. For me it started out 'not that bad' and ended up spiralling out of control and turning into something much larger.

Anyways yeah, I know just what you're feeling. I'd just cry about it every once in a while, but as time went on I ended up cripplingly depressed, believing in a God who had singled me out as someone to torture and laugh at. It's hard because you're 100% convinced, even though you know fully well that it's not rational. But that makes it even worse. It sounds so outlandish and exaggerated...yet it still feels so true.

I want to start out by saying that it's just not true. At all. Whether you believe it or not, I know I'm completely correct in saying that. I want you to know right now. The really insidious side of feeling this way is that when you are completely convinced that no one likes you, you make it so in reality. This goes for a lot of things in life, and this is one of them. So it can be a hard cycle to break out of.

But you WILL break out of it. Trust me I grew up with no friends, no support, completely unloved. And one day a while back I walked out of my house saying fuck it, I'm making people like me today because I said so. And I was (and still am) perpetually shocked by how well people respond to me when I feel that way. It's like I'm a whole different person. It's something I never even dreamed of as a kid. I thought I was meant to be disliked, I thought that was the default. But I broke out of it one day simply because I decided to.

The thing about this, however, is that it took me a long, long time to get to that point. And now that I can look back on it with a clear mind, I wish so much that I had just loved myself and appreciated myself all the way through. I had been my worst enemy when I should have been my best friend through every dark moment of it. I told myself and did things to myself that I would never say/do to another person in a million years.

Think of it this way. Would you ever tell another person that no one likes them and they'll never have any friends? If someone came to you telling you that this was how they felt, wouldn't it be so clear to you how wrong they are? Trust me this will pass. Just love yourself in the meantime.


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## Wulfex (Oct 9, 2014)

colorbullets said:


> Lately I've had the feeling that everybody secretly dislikes me and I just can't shake it off.
> Almost every day when I come home from school I get anxiety over all the stupid, rude and wrong things I've said during the day, and I can't stop until I convince myself that it's true that everybody dislikes me. It's weird, because when I get this anxiety I believe they really do dislike me, but at the same time I know they don't, I think.
> I've cried myself to sleep more than once over this, and I don't feel better until I see them the next day and notice that they are as usual - and don't hate me, I think.
> And I always seek after signs that they dislike me.


I would like to meet you, because I often feel the same way. At work, I feel like everyone looks down at me. I don't know what it is, but I'm always so curious about what others are thinking of me. However, I don't get quite as worked up about it. I would like to meet you and tell you about the things I see in you that are unique, interesting, beautiful, and wondrous. Everyone has something different to bring to the table.

Also it sounds like you have a huge problem with anxiety. I've heard that certain forms of OCD can bring on this type of anxiety. I would try to see a counselor. They can help you.

Another thing to remember: people aren't as evil as they first seem. Often we're the person we can't please. If you think everyone secretly dislikes you, maybe it's not the people. Maybe it's you. Do you like you? Do like the person you are? If not, what could you do to make yourself the person you want to be?


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> if other people don't like it, they can go get satisfied by a horse.


I am soooo stealing that phrase.


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