# Understanding - which upsets you more?



## Exquisitor (Sep 15, 2015)

Are you more frustrated when you don't understand something, or when you aren't understood by others?

Feel free to share your reasoning or how you feel about this question.


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## TTIOTBSAL (May 26, 2014)

To not understand is always frustrating. 
To not be understood can be a very good thing. Not everybody needs to know you, the less the better. Occasionally it can be useful though. 
And very rarely it can be frustrating if not understood by someone really close. It ends up fucking up things.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

It does depend on what it's about really, it's complicated.

Not Understanding:
It can be very frustrating to not be able to wrap my head around something that I really want to understand, I hate feeling stupid...

And it can be infuriating to have to deal with something I don't like that seems to have happened or been done for no reason whatsoever, just knowing Why helps with either troubleshooting, avoiding future issues, or being able to accept another point of view on the matter, without that though it's very troubling.


Being Misunderstood: 
When it's not a very important matter, it's not terrible if someone misunderstood something I said or did or meant, it's a little unsettling but I don't always feel a compulsion to try to set things straight when it might take too much effort or make them more confused or whatever.

It's pretty frustrating when trying to talk with someone who never seems to be on the same page as me and is constantly jumping to conclusions that I would have never dreamed someone would get out of what I said. After a few tries of explaining things in multiple ways, if it still seems like we're just not communicating I just stop the conversation, and possibly avoid getting into conversations with that person in the future if it appears to be a trend with them. Flabbergasted might be a good word here, when I just can't see how they can not be understanding what seems like perfectly clear communication on my part.

However, when I feel like I have been judged badly based on a misunderstanding then it gnaws at me and I brood endlessly over it and I feel so embarrassed and distracted and it's really really hard to just let it go, even if I know they're not open to listening to me explain myself. This is certainly the worse feeling, as much as the not understanding ones mentioned above can be pretty bad, this is the worst.

And also.... even if they judged me better because of a misunderstanding of my intentions or character, it would really nag at me, and make me feel distanced from them, lonely and not seen for the real me. I hate that feeling.


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## 172354 (Oct 21, 2014)

People are weird. It's easy to be misunderstood. But if I can't understand something I begin to lose faith in myself.


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## UraniaIsis (Nov 26, 2014)

I would rather understand than be understood. I feel intellectually and emotionally stagnant if I don't understand something or someone. Being misunderstood, as frustrating as it is, helps me sort out how I'm coming off to others and I can refine myself. It mostly helps me sort out if I'm dealing with a toxic projector. Depending on the context of the situation, I appreciate being misunderstood.


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## Maiko_Hima (Jul 12, 2015)

To not understand. That is actually something I can modify consciously, to an extent. I can ask more questions, get more information, sit and reflect on it. I actually have some sort of power over my own thoughts and feelings and how I digest material.

I can't monitor what is happening in someone's head and get them to see it from my point of view and understand me though.


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## blingyeol (Jun 24, 2015)

If I don't understand something, I can work around it and do so myself, in my own head, so that's what's least frustrating for me. And if I still can't understand it after trying, so be it. At least it's just me affected, most of the time.

While if I am misunderstood and want to do something about the misunderstanding, I have to confront _people_ and explain, which is always a hard and frustrating thing for me to do. And if it's people I love and they see me or something I did in a wrong way, it hurts me.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

ENTP - To not be understood. I can pretty much figure anything out, if I'm motivated enough. Explaining it to others is the trick.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

@tanstaafl28 said it very well. I, with some hubris, think I can understand damn near anything. So I am almost never frustrated by the inability to understand. It just doesn't happen. Now maybe I really do not understand and I just think I do, but that still negates that type of frustration from the list.

Now getting people to understand what I am relating, that is a challenge. But I think this also is not often the real issue. They do understand. That is not the problem. They refuse to comply with understanding. They believe some crazy crap that suits their ego and act in accordance with that, rather than in accordance with what even they do actually understand.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Not being able to understand is probably what bothers me the most. As it means I will have to invest more time until I understand it.

If someone does not understand what I am trying to get across, then it is their issue.


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## Coopsickle (Sep 12, 2014)

I find it more frustrating not being understood. I can usually figure something out even when I am not 100% clear on what someone is saying or asking me to do however, I am really bad at explaining things. I get frustrated by my inability to explain and their inability to work it out from what I have said. I hate explaining more than once, especially when it is fairly simple and I get flustered when they keep saying that they don't understand it. If I don't understand something, I will just ask for an example or to be shown and then work it out for myself.


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## fuliajulia (Jun 29, 2013)

Interesting how NFPs vs NFJs have mirrored results so far, maybe this is where cognitive functions come out to play.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

To not be understood, definitely.


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

Its definitely much more frustrating to not be understood, because it brings with it this existential fear that I'm not a good communicator. 
If I don't understand something, I know that eventually I will understand if I keep asking questions and searching for the answer.


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## Macona (Jul 28, 2011)

I'm really insecure about being misunderstood. Sometimes I'll ring people in the middle of the night just to make sure they 'got' something I said earlier


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## NewYorkEagle (Apr 12, 2015)

To not be understood, and saying the same shit over and over to get anyone's attention is excruciating to me.


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## Cthulhu And Coffee (Mar 8, 2012)

NFP and I said to not understand xD Being understood is great, but what I really want is someone to understand me so that I feel comfortable exploring the things we don't understand together >_> It's the end/major goal.


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

I think I'm with most of my fellow NFPs. Being very misunderstood is a hard and lonely situation to be in . There are many things I don't logically understand and I don't think it bothers me. Even though I have always wanted to understand literally everything, it doesn't bother me to just start asking questions.


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