# I don't miss people....is this a problem?



## meeameea

Friends, neighbors, or even family members will tell me they miss me. I do not like to lie to those who care about me, but i always reply with a false "I miss you too". Everytime I say it I feel awkward. And then I feel awful for feeling awkward. I feel extremely awful for saying I don't even miss my mother. Does this mean I'm emotionally disconnected or something? Is it wrong to not miss people?


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## carson

I suppose it depends on the motivation. If a person doesn't "miss" people because they appreciate the time spent with others while in the moment and don't want to destroy that by pining for (and naturally drifting towards reptition of) the past; or they don't miss people because they prefer not to project their own moods onto them; then what's wrong with that? But it's possible to be uncomfortable with common expressions of emotion (such as "missing" someone) for reasons of emotional dysfunction. A source of disquiet could result from any number of possible early experiences in your relationships. If that was the case, in my experience, any form of dysfunction can be corrected, so I don't want this suggestion to sound judgemental and final in any way. After correcting a dysfunction a person may find they still cease to recognise the value that triggered the question, for any number of constructive reasons. How it is for you is a private matter. 

So is it a problem? No. It's a question or a statement from the centre of you, which is quite exciting. Most people, if they hear such things, just ignore them.


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## March Cat

I wouldn't consider this a "problem". Firstly, you should recognize if these people aren't doing the same thing: saying they miss you for the sake of being polite. If they truly do miss you and the feeling is unrequited, then all it means is that you didn't really feel connected to them. I don't see how this can be a bad thing unless you try to lead them on as if you did feel connected. Also, maybe you just haven't spent enough time apart from them to start missing them? Some people can feel strains on relationships much sooner than others can.


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## meeameea

I do enjoy the time


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## meeameea

I do enjoy the time I spend with them. That is why I found it so odd that I didn't miss them. But, thank you Carson  That helps a lot.


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## amanda32

You're evil! (just kidding! 

I think it might just mean that you need some alone time or that you like being on your own. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's a horrible feeling to really miss someone anyway; makes you sick to your stomach and sad. Count yourself lucky. And btw, I didn't/don't really miss my family too much either -- I mostly miss those few friends I've had that "deep connection" with though there have definitely been moments/times that I did miss them over the years, still not nearly as much as I "should have".


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## Outcode

Nah, I know exactly how you feel. Some of my friends posted on my Facebook wall saying they missed me a while ago and I couldn't honestly say that I missed them as well. It's not like I don't like them or anything, I just didn't feel the same way at the time. 

I'm not saying that I don't miss people though, I do. I just miss them at different times.


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## life support

i am the same way. i do not miss people that much. what occurs to me mostly is when i am apart from someone for a long period of time and then reconnect with them, doing the things which we used to do. it reminds me that we have been apart, and i am pleased that we are doing these things once again. but as soon as we part ways i seem to simply move on until the next time we see one another.


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## madame cabanis

Of course it's not a problem. You might be socially (deluded) induced into thinking it is. But in reality, what justification is there to miss anyone?


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## Thrifty Walrus

I used to feel that way, then I thought, so then I was thinking about how nice it would be if there was no one on Earth but me. Then I thought, well that would actually suck, and I don't know if I really "miss" people per say, but whenever I find myself be particularly disconnected I just think how I'd react if that person were dead or if I was the last guy on Earth.

That post was pretty unorganized but I guess what I'm trying to say is as long as you keep everything in perspective (which was what I was doing in the above paragraph) you should be fine (I think...?).


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## ertertwert

I could live as a monk isolated in a tower. Assuming I had a library and a laptop.


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## pinkrasputin

I don't miss people. I worry about it all the time. However, I think when someone walks out the door they could be dead. So I do sometimes mourn. That is why it is hard for me if they want to integrate back into my life later. I am absolutely positive it is some sort of hyper survival mechanism. 

When my parents divorced, I don't remember ever missing my dad when he moved out. I only remember feeling relieved. I've compared my story to other kids and find that I am an oddball. 

Here is some strange blog I wrote in the dead of the night when I was having an emo moment: http://personalitycafe.com/blogs/pinkrasputin/come-get-your-love-4741/


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## WildWinds

I rarely miss people. The person I miss is likely a very special person to me. Usually boyfriends. 

This has gotten me into trouble before. I went to Ecuador for 2 weeks when I was 18 and didn't call home to talk to my parents once. My stepfather was pissed. I honestly just had no desire to talk to them though. I live with them, I see them every day, I talk to them every day....When I am finally able to get out and get away for a bit, the LAST thing I want to do is call and talk to people I see every day. 

So I wouldn't worry about it too much, especially if you're a very independent individual like I am. Just try to remember that other people have different needs, especially if you are dealing with family or close friends, or a significant other. A lot of people are insincere about it, so you have to weed through people that say it out of habit. For those that do genuinely miss you, you don't have to miss them back, but they would probably appreciate a quick note, email or quick call just so they know you thought of them. A little gesture like that goes a long way with some people.


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## jdmn

Maybe you aren't that dependent of their company, and that is why you wouldn't feel that you're missing them a lot. That still does not mean to be uncaring or unsupportive of them. I tend to miss some people but I also tend to feel that one day I may see them again and enjoy their company. Maybe that's the case with you, you aren't that dependant of their company, like WildWinds wrote.

(Not related), WildWinds, I'm from Ecuador and I like to know tourists' opinion about it, how was your trip there?


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## lib

To me it isn't unusual not to miss someone - even someone close to me and I would go very far to avoid lying about it and thus I wouldn't answer "I missed you, too."
But you're an INFP and I'm assuming the ones you're referring to are feelers. Feelers need validation. If an INTJ didn't get a response it would be just that - no response/neutral. But for a feeler to not get a response to his/her "I missed you." will be seen as not getting a validation and thus as something negative like - "I don't like you".
You're an introvert. It's natural that you don't have the same need for other people's company as extroverts do. It's natural to not "miss" other people. It doesn't mean you hate them.


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## Seventree

Yes...yes it is! Roll that pillow, pat that cat, subvocalize adverbs, replace the light bulb. Create haze, make with the distraction. Read that fanzine, chop that onion, squeeze that lemonade juice and pop a cd on the fly. Cos there nowhere cooler than the dooner in the hooner of the blazer of the flavour. Um that didn't make sense, reverse roll the last part. Strangely no...depends on the context...days, weeks, months or years? If days and weeks, too easy. If years and months then its probably an issue to look into. Those social quotient protocols are looming, everybody needs people in small doses, less gaseous more solid.


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## Einsteinette

I don't think it's a problem ... I'm in the same situation actually I'm living in a foreign country i haven't seen any member of my family for almost 6 months now and I'm OK .every time someone says to me " you must feel awful you miss them a lot, don't you?" I don't know what to answer them I usually say something like it's OK I'm fine Ill see them in summer but Truth is I don't miss them , It doesn't mean that i don't like them i just don't put much value on personal interaction ... I like solitude and quiet all i need is a laptop and I'll be fine.


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## katerp

I'm the same way, I don't really miss people either. My mom thinks I'm so weird because I don't ever try to make plans with my friends but honestly I don't want to because I don't miss them. If I haven't seen or heard from a friend in a few months I might get a text message saying "i miss you" and I text them back "i miss you too" but I'm just doing it to be polite. Being really honest I have a few friends who if I never saw them again I would be totally fine with it. The only people I ever really miss are people who I am or once was really close with (not many) and who are/were a big part of my everyday life so their absence really affects me. For example I recently chatted online with my closest friend from high school who I haven't seen since she moved away a few years ago and remembering how close we were and how we used to talk everyday made me start to miss her. But another friend of mine lives 5 minutes from me but I've only seen her once in the past few months and honestly wouldn't care if I didn't see her in the next few months either. I'm content by myself so unless someone adds something extremely significant to my life I won't miss them.


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## Pyroscope

It's not really a problem if you're okay with it. I've been the same way for years. I never used to miss people. The first time I started to feel bad about it was when I didn't see my girlfriend for about a week or more and I honestly hadn't noticed much difference...

You can try to cultivate something deeper if you _want_ to miss someone, but don't feel like you have to. I've found recently that I actually do miss someone a helluva lot now, but it happened naturally, it's okay if it hasn't happened for you yet, you just have different connections with the people you know. If you're okay with having friends that you don't miss then there's nothing wrong with that!


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## LibertyPrime

The only person I ever miss is my girlfriend. I can go about 12 hours without hearing her voice...barely...after 3 hours I start missing her. Any more and I start feeling the need to "go home", like my surroundings are hostile somehow, I won't like the room I'm in and start being depressed. ^^; everything is well once i hear or see her lol.

I don't miss anyone else ^^. Not sure what it is, do people miss each other or just say they do? Until I know they are okay and living their lives I'm fine. I'm also highly independent. I do love them thou. Not sure what it is, I just don't miss anyone else and think it to be normal. 

I kinda need to communicate with someone on a daily basis thou or I'll go nuts from loneliness.


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## SyndiCat

If I don't mean it-- I don't say it.

But then again-- I am evil. I have no problem accepting that.


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## Seren

Things are only problems when you view them as problems.
I never miss people and I think it's great. Don't push yourself to feel something unpleasant.


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## Vaan

ive spent 2 years on and off by myself due to my mother having to leave to victoria to have to take care of my uncle who had cancer and during those on and off 9 months at a time i cannot truly say i ever missed her or anyone, because its simply not in my nature, perhaps it is just your nature to not miss people, its quite normal


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## knght990

I don't think it is unusual not to miss people. 
Typically i will only miss very specific people that i am very close to.


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## Peacock

Unless it's my boyfriend I don't really miss people all that much. I used to miss people all the time. 
Nowadays, as long as I know the people I care for are happy and alive, I don't really miss them because I will see them again. 
Missing people isn't going to affect anything really.


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## ZeRo

I used to think that too... After a while I accepted it and I like it. 

I will remember them but I don't miss them... Sometimes I think I should, but for the most part I know I will see them again and I tell friends and family that I don't miss them because I know we will catch up one day soon-ish...

Even one of my closer friends I don't miss them... I am just excited to catch up one day in the future.


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## Kozato

I'm the same way. After graduating high school, I have only kept in touch with a handful of the people I used to hang out with. And most of them are currently attending the school I'm in haha. Like ZeRo said, I don't really miss anyone but I am always down to catch up with them if they are in town.


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## Tucken

> I don't miss people....is this a problem?


-No:happy:


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## emberwing

Pah
I don't miss peope when camping, hat's for sure. In kindergarten al the kiddies wer clinging to their parents and I just marched into the place without a backwards glance

But friends are different
If I know I'm seeing them again, I don't miss them
But when the move suddenly, graduate, DIE
I miss them so much it almost rips me apart. And I STILL can't express it, damn it all


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## Jwing24

I can relate to this. I'm very non-emotional. There are causes I believe in and morals I try to live by, but emotionally, I'm not really there. I am sensitive to others' emotions, but don't have a lot of my own. I think it's only a problem if one views it as a problem.

If that is the case, then I would say it is important to figure out why one feels it is a problem in their life. Maybe that will provide a solution.=/


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## absent air

I don't miss electricity. Until it's turned out.

Get the link?


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## MonieJ

Seren said:


> Things are only problems when you view them as problems.
> I never miss people and I think it's great. Don't push yourself to feel something unpleasant.


this but I would miss some ppl not a whole lot though


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