# Anyone figure out what they wanted to do with their life? How did you do it?



## Bonbear (Oct 23, 2016)

I’m feeling kind of lost in my life right now. I graduated from college five years ago with an English major and started working for a local newspaper. The newspaper went out of business and I started freelancing as a journalist for the biggest publications in the United States (magazines, etc.) I did that for a couple of years and did really well, but still felt like something was missing even though I had a lot of fun. It was also not sustainable financially so I ended up taking a communications job at a university, writing for their publication. I really hate it in many ways, it’s an old people’s place to work, and I feel like I’m wasting the best years of my life here. That being said, I’m learning a lot from my boss and the benefits are amazing. I want to stay put until I know what I really want to do, but I don’t know what it is. I am also doing an MFA in poetry with the thought that I could teach it one day, but I just don’t think I love it as much as others do. I’ve considered screenwriting, and I’m also working on a book that an agent asked me to write. But I don’t feel like I have a sense of purpose or direction and I also am not the type of person to follow a pre-written path.

Any tips or thoughts on how to think this through for myself? I’ve considered writing out my life story to get a sense of how it feels to me and what I feel like I should do next. I’ve also considered just writing down, “what I really want to do is...” and keep writing until I find something that makes me want to cry. I’ve also considered thinking about moments that I really loved in my life, but the issue I have with that is that it doesn’t necessarily always translate into what I should do now. I think the thing I loved the most that I did in my past is start a children’s magazine that used comics to teach kids about social issues. Oh to be young and feel like you have endless possibilities! I also used to produce audio documentaries that I really loved doing. 

My brother, an ISFP, seems very clear on what he wants to do, and I’m very jealous of that. 

Anyways, thanks for letting me ramble and curious to hear your thoughts.

Edited to say: I'm not asking about what career to follow in my life - like being a writer or astronaut or whatever, but more like the next step or the life philosophy or just this feeling of purpose and direction.


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## Etiennette (Mar 8, 2017)

Well! I search up “college” and I find you in the same boat with me. I’m trying to find my purpose as well, although you are much farther along than I am. I’m considering what my college major should be right now, and whenever I think about it I overthink (also if anyone could give me advice on this, that’d be much appreciated!). 

After thinking about this for a long time I find this “life purpose” thing to be paradoxical. It seems like the more I try to find my purpose it hidden it becomes. I’ll get it one day though, and I know you’re going to as well! It just needs some time because the universe is like that.

I also want to say that your instincts are right. They have an uncanny ability to affect all of us in a way, and they always act as a compass for me. Although I’m not exactly qualified to give advice, maybe a change of viewpoint could help? I remember reading an article on how Elon Musk got to be so successful, and I summarized it for you below in a different fashion.

Imagine your skills as building blocks of different shapes and sizes; if you put a few together in a specific way you get a new construct like a cube, which symbolizes a contribution you have made to the world. Huzzah, but then there’s too many cubes in the world! Anyone could do that, and it’s not very impressive. Now suppose you realize this and set out on a journey to gain different types of blocks. Through trial and error you find this glittering temple with CURVED pieces. If you experiment (this takes a long time!) with curved pieces and the prisms you already have, you get something different like an arch! And then it’s amazing! Now everyone likes you because that contribution helps others in their constructs, and in the future we see glorious bridges and all sorts of wonderful things. This can be applied to anything: physics, inventions, new forms of thought, etc.

Intriguing for me, to say the least!

The thing I’m trying to get here is that you could benefit from dabbling in different areas and obtaining skills in those, and viewing the world/ yourself as a huge set of pieces for you to use in determining your destiny. Although it seems counterintuitive at first (Math and English aren’t related and never will be*), viewing yourself/the world in a “piece mindset” allows you to build things you’ve never thought of before (Math+English=Code!).

*i̶m̶possible


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Bonbear said:


> But I don’t feel like I have a sense of purpose or direction and I also am not the type of person to follow a pre-written path.


It's probably best that you don't try to, then. You could have a tentative life plan without holding yourself to it, and/or you could work on a more short-term plan based on what you want now.

I haven't figured out what I want to "do with my life." It kind of doesn't make sense to me to make plans that are intended to hold for my whole life. People and their circumstances change. 

When I used to wonder aloud what I'd do with my life, my ex-gf would say "live it." And that's what I'm doing. I think I'm better off just living than trying to follow a plan. I hope that makes sense.


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## Bonbear (Oct 23, 2016)

Bonereaper Benty said:


> When I used to wonder aloud what I'd do with my life, my ex-gf would say "live it." And that's what I'm doing. I think I'm better off just living than trying to follow a plan. I hope that makes sense.


True, but how to know what to do next - or even now?


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## Etiennette (Mar 8, 2017)

> True, but how to know what to do next - or even now?


Maybe some spontaneity could help? I remember reading a book where someone was stuck in a dead end job as an artist and his friend invited him to a real-estate brunch (many differing qualities between people here, but what does he have to lose?). Apparently the realtors were experts in their fields, and he gleaned a lot of knowledge from them. He ended up selling many acres of land and became a successful realtor on the side. Try extending out to your friends and see what they're doing; maybe you'll find something amazing! Keep courage on your side and explore.


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## Mick Travis (Aug 18, 2016)

I strive to create peace. It doesn't pay much. Since I didn't stick with programming, I don't have a lot of options for an honest living. I don't trust most management anyway. I went on a mentor field trip in high school. I was paired with a manager in some office setting. From our interaction, he surmised that I would never be happy working under someone. I'm washing dishes at the moment. I'd rather be working on a commune.


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## Ariviel (Jun 30, 2017)

I don't want to sound too confident in this because it may not work for everyone, but there's a method that works for me and many of my friends. 

Finding out what you want to do is not a simple process, you can't find it in one day, message me if you did though i have some questions for you lol. So anyway, it's good to start little by little. 

What i do is laying on bed listening to music and relaxing to the point where i get a bit distant from the sense of "myself". I try to feel like a blank canvas, like a new soul who will be newly sent to world. I imagine smb is asking me what kind of life i would like to lead? What kind of body do i want to have? Who should be my friends and what should be my skills and hobbies and job and everything else. They tell me that i was a good girl in my past life so they will let me be whatever i want to be. So among every option in the world that exist, which ones do i want to have in my life? First i realize them, then i compare them to my current life. Sometimes i end up realizing that i want things i never thought that i wanted. Sometimes i want things that i could never have. But instead of focusing on the negative ones i focus on the ones that i can actually get in this life. I start by little things, like having a certain hairstyle, starting a new hobby, expanding my knowledge in a certain area etc. It is important to start with the little ones because making them happen is the thing that motivates me the most. When i do these little things i get closer to big ones, like what kind of career i want and how i can reach it etc. This way i get to get rid of doubts or laziness.

I really trust this but it's very important to keep your mind open, the more you get away from yourself, the more you realize what you really want. I really love talking about these stuff so if anybody would like to talk about theirs just pm me i would love to help ^^


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Bonbear said:


> True, but how to know what to do next - or even now?


In terms of jobs, whatever is available, pays the most, and is most tolerable. Maybe judging by those criteria doesn't work so well if you have a ton of options (I don't). In terms of life in general—you just have to know yourself. Go after whatever gets you excited, riled up...if you've done too much of that already/burnt out, go after whatever brings you peace. 

If you can't decide or have no strong preference, stick with working towards something that benefits others (borrow their agenda). Even if that just means sticking with your boring job so that you can afford to donate to charity regularly.


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

I haven't yet.

But, if I do focus on certain tasks for a long period of time, I find that I find things to appreciate about the process. I notice things that show why one may be expected to go a certain way. Or maybe I find certain techniques and questions that lead to a desirable result after practice. At first things have been really anxious for me a lot of times too. A lot of times too if you are actually kind of interested in being there, you may find a result or a solution with some time if you are working with people or yourself. 

Perhaps some things are kind of out of reach or just don't seem to be something you'd like to become. That's OK. Though, it could be an issue at the same time though. It is something that some serious people do worry about at times. However, it's good to have realistic expectations of what you are and also what you could provide for someone(or people) at a job that is a good service/product that you provide. It's important that it is a mutual kind of realistic thing that makes both parties satisfied in a way with the partnership.


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## Brown Bird (Jul 5, 2017)

Hahaha, this question has plagued me for years. I will share my personal experience with trying to find my answers to it.

First of all, I don't think the real challenge is figuring out what you want to do. I think we all have at least a general inkling of what we want/need to do. So you probably have a general answer to this question. the real challenge at least for me has been having the patience to let that answer emerge and maybe more, to accept that answer. For some reason(s), some people have a problem accepting this core part of themselves. So for you, you might know, but you are having trouble accepting it. I spent a lot of time fighting with myself about this aspect of myself that wanted to emerge, but when I finally started accepting it, allowing it to emerge, my satisfaction and general happiness with life increased. The detailed answer to exactly how you might express your inklings is difficult to answer and it will change over time. Here are some other things I learned:

The more frantically you hunt for it, the more it eludes you. Stop obsessing or don't start, you will just sabotage yourself. Just let it emerge. RELAX.

There isn't one specific way for you to express this purpose, don't go looking for a needle in a haystack, you probably have multiple callings dwelling within you and there are a lot of ways to express just one, don't go looking for a needle in the haystack.

If you are unsure if your inkling is correct or not, actually do it. Put it out there. Do whatever it is you are drawn to doing. You will be happy you did. 

Good luck.


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## Bonbear (Oct 23, 2016)

Brown Bird said:


> First of all, I don't think the real challenge is figuring out what you want to do. I think we all have at least a general inkling of what we want/need to do. So you probably have a general answer to this question. the real challenge at least for me has been having the patience to let that answer emerge and maybe more, to accept that answer. For some reason(s), some people have a problem accepting this core part of themselves. So for you, you might know, but you are having trouble accepting it. I spent a lot of time fighting with myself about this aspect of myself that wanted to emerge, but when I finally started accepting it, allowing it to emerge, my satisfaction and general happiness with life increased. The detailed answer to exactly how you might express your inklings is difficult to answer and it will change over time. Here are some other things I learned:
> 
> The more frantically you hunt for it, the more it eludes you. Stop obsessing or don't start, you will just sabotage yourself. Just let it emerge. RELAX.
> 
> ...


I really like your perspective! Yes, I know that there are things I like and want to do but I'm afraid to do them. I think the reason why is because I, as you say, haven't figured out the details of how to do it right, and so have failed a lot at the things I want to do (or not really failed, but didn't do them the way I wanted to...failed in my own eyes) and so felt down about it and want to avoid doing those things in the future. I guess the trick is the stay with the discomfort of not getting it right and staying calm enough to pick out what needs to be done to improve without beating myself up wholesale about it.


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## starscream430 (Jan 14, 2014)

Blunt Trauma Benty said:


> In terms of jobs, whatever is available, pays the most, and is most tolerable. Maybe judging by those criteria doesn't work so well if you have a ton of options (I don't). In terms of life in general—you just have to know yourself. Go after whatever gets you excited, riled up...if you've done too much of that already/burnt out, go after whatever brings you peace.


That's a pretty good answer to sum up for the OP.

For me, I'm just looking at something that can generate a consistent paycheck. Heck! I would turn big rocks into small rocks if it had a good $$$ attached to it. My hobbies aren't very practical, so they can't really be turned into careers. 

Some people make their jobs their identity while others just want to find something that can lead to a stable life. I'm part of the latter camp for the most part :bored:.


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## MarthePryde (Oct 1, 2017)

I certainly did figure it out: I want to do very well academically and then work very well for the benefit of my society and the knowledge of my fields.

I always knew I was talented academically but I used to have well-being issues. After fundamentally resolving those issues I've found a new lease of life and a very good confidence to succeed at my goals. With the well-being I have these days, I have also achieved a greater philosophical clarity and greater ability to conduct myself in healthy ways which will accord with those goals and further give me more well-being and success. So I've found a self-fulfilling cycle of well-being that enables everything else right and good that I want to do. 

I recommend some strict philosophical self-treatment to illuminate your psychology and moral compass as well as constructive discussion and conversational engagement with others to learn from their wisdom. Once you've elucidated and achieved good well-being it's a matter of maintaining the baseline and building on it. Willpower is quite essential. Stick in. :encouragement:


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## knitsix (Jun 21, 2018)

notice things that _inspire _you, that make you think _"oh this looks interesting"_ even when it's followed by a "i would't be able to do it". notice what you _admire _in other people, what youtube videos you watch and why, what articles you click on. 

list everything. then write next to them why you find these interesting. try to find themes or categories. now see if you can expand those categories with activities you associate with them. 

maybe you can then see what really interests you. but remeber in case you think "this would require so much time and work to learn it " remember that everyone has to go through it. just decide if your interest is great enough to pursue it.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

I don't think that I have the answer if the question is that I figured out my one path for the entire life. Because I don't believe that careers have to be static. Some people might change jobs, careers, fields for different reasons.

Sometimes passion just happens, we try to find what we are good at and give it a try, and some might work out some don't. Maybe as a starting point you can list your strengths and weaknesses and what you might enjoy doing.

Also make sure that while money is not everything, it's still important and not necessarily exclusive. One can find something they enjoy and make money.
Financial freedom is also important because our life is not just career and money allows us to enjoy life in other ways. For example provide better for family or a hobby.

It's important to explore different possibilities and check if there is good employability around because a nice job type but with bad conditions can be miserable.

If you want to know what it's like to have certain jobs maybe ou can try www.quora.com as many people of different fields answers questions and it can be interesting.


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## StinkyBambi (Jul 12, 2018)

_*I took one look at myself in the mirror, smoothed my hair back and said 'hot damn I'm a dashing fellow!' and declared myself a future millionaire business man with a mansion. *_


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## Rascal01 (May 22, 2016)

Self inventory. Assess your personal gifts, aptitude’s and strengths. Admit your weaknesses. Be candid, frank and honest with yourself. What naturally appeals to you in the way of work? Dare to dream and dream boldly. Never sell yourself short and never underestimate yourself. Take “I could never do that.” and throw it out the window. You can, if you want to, and have the aptitude. Self doubt is your enemy.

Forget about the opinions of others, to include family and friends. This is your life so to thine own self be true.

Never give up. Ten thousand rejections are immaterial. All it takes is one “yes” to change your world and your life. If you need specialized training or education go and get it. Do what you need to do to be a competitive contender.

Talk is cheap and dreams require action to be turned into reality. Talkers seldom move forward. Action will move you to your objective. Get off your backside and start moving forward.

It worked for me.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

Do you have to figure it out? Cause I skipped that pat of life.


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## ImminentThunder (May 15, 2011)

Disclaimer: I'm still in college, so I have significantly less life experience than you do!

This is really cliche, but listen to what your heart says. If you feel like you should be a poetry professor, do it. I've known ever since I was a little kid (about 7) that I wanted to 1) write novels, and 2) design theme parks. It was what I did in my spare time, and what I loved (and still love) to do. The specifics came later. 

I'd say it's a combination of 1) doing what you truly love, and 2) making a good living. I love lots of different things equally, so I picked the thing that I loved with the highest earning potential: software development. But I also love art, so the track I'm on (in college) is animation and computer graphics. Which doesn't pay as well as other areas, but it's the ideal combination of what will make me employable and what I'm passionate about. Also, it applies really well to theme park design, because animatronics require programming, control theory is important, most ride designs are first mocked up in 3D art programs, etc. 

It doesn't matter if you're not naturally good at something, either. I'm a firm believer that you can get good at anything you sink a lot of time, strategy, and effort into. I kinda sucked at 3D art when I first started, but I've gotten a lot better due to just blasting some music and putting in the time. 

Also realize that every career is going to have a part that sucks. There will always be the ugly parts of everything, so the grass isn't necessarily greener elsewhere. 

So yeah - I'd make a list of what you love to do. Then think about which of those things can help you sustain yourself. Regardless, if you love poetry, then go for it. I'm pretty sure you can make a good living as a professor and get your work published, too. In regards to other students being more passionate than you - Passion is a _very_ subjective term. I wouldn't worry about that. If you love something, you love something. And that's all there is to it. In my opinion, anyway.


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## sameer6 (Sep 15, 2010)

I always have this problem. It's great that your brother seems very clear on what he wants to do. I wish i can be like that.


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## temptingthesea (May 7, 2018)

*sighs*
I don't know, but I do hope Life knows what it wants to do with me.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Am slowly figuring out that I don't know _how_ I want to do what I want to do but I do sort of know _what_ I want to do. It just looks more like "have a job that is meaningful and enjoyable" rather than "be an illustrator". Now I feel a bit more relaxed about trying things out instead of having to find a perfect solution.


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## Bonbear (Oct 23, 2016)

In case this is helpful for other people - my dad recently told me that I should ask myself questions and a friend of mine who I care a lot about said the same thing to me at one point. I think this, coupled with being more self-aware of the feelings I have during the day in the life I have now, might help me get to where I want to go...


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## maxmayer (Oct 25, 2018)

i am 19 y.o. and i want to get education at first, to finish my university, get good job and live as i dreamed about when i was a child, and ofcourse to marry pretty girl


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## Kn0wB34 (Sep 2, 2016)

My case is a bit different. But, yes I have - thanks to travelling [domestically & globally] and moving away away from my non-progressive hometown for some time. 

By staying in many different places with various types of people, I was exposed to many new career related interests and was able to easily eliminate things that I always 'thought' would have been a suitable job for me to pursue. To be more specific, when I moved 18 hours away to the US East Coast, I was exposed to so much shit (job field wise) that was unavailable to me or that I never even heard of back in my hometown especially in things relating to technology.

Focusing on my background, much of my childhood to early 20s was wasted in a small town area of backwards mentality people, considered to be technologically behind compared to most other places, had limited work opportunities, and the worst schools& colleges in the nation.Honestly, the area was only known for tourism, partying, its cuisine, and oil. If I stayed in that area, I would have been _stuck_ or wasted decades working in a field that was not meant for me.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

I went to college for the subject (English) that was my passion. After I graduated, I stalled out because I realized I wasn't going to make any money in it and I didn't want to settle on a job that had nothing to do with what I studied. I wanted to use what I learned. 

I spent about 1 1/2 years drifting until I finally thought hard about what my childhood dream always was. Once I tacked that down, I just went back to college for a class in it with no intention of really going further. I talked with the professor and they helped me realize there was a viable educational and career path towards getting there, so I jumped for it and it worked out. 

It was terrifying and a lot of the way I was obsessed with the thought of failing. Now that I've done it feels like a major accomplishment in life. I don't regret any of it.


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## Bonbear (Oct 23, 2016)

Tkae said:


> I went to college for the subject (English) that was my passion. After I graduated, I stalled out because I realized I wasn't going to make any money in it and I didn't want to settle on a job that had nothing to do with what I studied. I wanted to use what I learned.
> 
> I spent about 1 1/2 years drifting until I finally thought hard about what my childhood dream always was. Once I tacked that down, I just went back to college for a class in it with no intention of really going further. I talked with the professor and they helped me realize there was a viable educational and career path towards getting there, so I jumped for it and it worked out.
> 
> It was terrifying and a lot of the way I was obsessed with the thought of failing. Now that I've done it feels like a major accomplishment in life. I don't regret any of it.


Inspirational! What did you end up doing, if you don't mind me asking?


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