# Is porn really the "problem" in "every" aspect of sex?



## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

Curious if you think that porn is "problem" when it comes to sex and how it's acted upon, viewed, and understood? When is someone responsible for their "self" and when is it "something else's" fault? 

Seems like the same kind of argument if you were to blame a religion for the actions of "individuals" who follow it. Or blame music when kids shoot up a school. 

**Disclaimer* This is going to be a poll thread so it will be created first before I can make the poll, "patience". *

I tend to believe people are responsible for their _*own *_mind, thoughts, and actions.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

Nothing is ever that simple.
If you reduce it to "every" aspect then "yes" would never be a viable answer in any poll about _any _problem, _anything_ that can _ever_ have a negative impact on sexual relations.
So no, obviously, it and it alone is not responsible for _every_thing wrong with sex. :rollseyes: It can play a negative role in some relationships, however.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

lirulin said:


> Nothing is ever that simple.
> If you reduce it to "every" aspect then "yes" would never be a viable answer in any poll about _any _problem, _anything_ that can _ever_ have a negative impact on sexual relations.
> So no, obviously, it and it alone is not responsible for _every_thing wrong with sex. :rollseyes: It can play a negative role in some relationships, however.


Fair enough, I don't have the power to re-edit the entire thread so replace "every" with "most". I think it's pretty understood what I'm going for here, just the wording is wrong.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Porn is fine. Everyone needs to say what bothers them in a relationship up front. If they don't, then it is their problem if something comes up later on. 

/end


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> Porn is fine. Everyone needs to say what bothers them in a relationship up front. If they don't, then it is their problem if something comes up later on.
> /end


That. 

Relationships are negotiations, so the relationship can work however both people agree for it to work; and communication can also compensate for misperceptions of how someone erroneously expects something to work.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

TreeBob said:


> Porn is fine. Everyone needs to say what bothers them in a relationship up front. If they don't, then it is their problem if something comes up later on.
> 
> /end


How can the obvious be stated this early in a thread?

Threadkiller =(


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

Hokahey said:


> Fair enough, I don't have the power to re-edit the entire thread so replace "every" with "most". I think it's pretty understood what I'm going for here, just the wording is wrong.


I just find it convenient that your poll structure is set up so as to get a higher proportion of people agreeing with you. I'm going to stick with 'some' and since that is not on your poll, I won't bother to vote.

And I don't understand the dichotomy. People are responsible for their own actions, sure. But things that are not their own actions can still cause problems in a relationship. No one lives in a vaccuum either. I would think the issue of pornography usage would be easier to solve than many other issues within a relationship - simple, honest communication, as was stated previously, should cover it in all but the worst cases - then again, the real issues I have with porn are more about the industry than people jacking off occasionally.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

lirulin said:


> I just find it convenient that your poll structure is set up so as to get a higher proportion of people agreeing with you.


Well you can find it "convenient" if you feel. It was based off recent posts I've read about how people view "porn". I will admit I rushed the thread but only simply because I didn't want to lose the train of thought. 



> And I don't understand the dichotomy. *People are responsible for their own actions, sure.* But things that are not their own actions can still cause problems in a relationship. No one lives in a vaccuum either. I would think the issue of pornography usage would be easier to solve than many other issues within a relationship - simple, honest communication, as was stated previously, should cover it - then again, the real issues I have with porn are more about the industry than people jacking off occasionally.


This is exactly the point, why is porn looked at so "negatively" as though it's a cause and not the person who is "letting" porn be the cause?


What is your problem with the industry? Does it have to do with how you view the "male/female" role in porn?


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

Hokahey said:


> This is exactly the point, why is porn looked at so "negatively" as though it's a cause and not the person who is "letting" porn be the cause?


I also find it interesting that you ignore the next two sentences, that answer this question.

To reiterate: the fact that people are responsible for their own actions (certain legal exceptions notwithstanding, etc.) doesn't negate that other things in the world exist and can have negative effects on some people or their relationships. Also, if we are talking of relationships, it may be much easier to blame the external factor than, say, the person you love. 



Hokahey said:


> What is your problem with the industry? Does it have to do with how you view the "male/female" role in porn?


How _I_ view them? There are issues in how the roles are presented, but these go way beyond pornography and are more reflected in porn than created by it. That is a societal thing. The industry - there is a lot of exploitation going on. Some countries are better than others, sure, but especially since so much of it is accessed via the internet, you don't always know what you're getting.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

lirulin said:


> I also find it interesting that you ignore the next two sentences, that answer this question.


That would help "inside" the relationship, but not the presumptions/"prejudice"(though seems like a harsh word) outside of them.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

Hokahey said:


> That would help "inside" the relationship, but not the presumptions/"prejudice"(though seems like a harsh word) outside of them.


I was referring to the next two sentences after the one you bolded.
If those were the ones you thought I meant, you are going to have to explain this, because I don't understand what you are talking about or how it relates to what I said. It seems to relate to the third sentence, instead, but even so is not very clear.


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## dalsgaard (Aug 14, 2010)

Why does almost everyone assume that OP is talking about porn in relationships?

I thought this was a general thread about porn. I'm confused.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

I thought, originally, that is was more in response to the ideas of dopamine rewiring the brain in response to unrealistic/etc. stimuli & things...(something like Naomi Wolf was writing about). But without knowing which 'recent posts' he is referring to it is hard to say.

In terms of _that_, I have seen some articles with _some_ evidence there is _some_ effect, but I am pretty sure there is no scientific consensus yet on how much this happens and if it is to any relevant degree & so on.

It is pretty clear that it is an issue in some relationships, just sexual, or sexual+ but, again, talking...


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

The thread is really more about why people are so "quick" to blame porn for inadequate "sex". Or the view on "degrading" of women. Just because I'm referring to "sex" doesn't mean a relationship, however with sex that typically can mean a "deep" relationship. 

My thing is when people just "blame" porn instead of "blaming" the person who is "taking the porn out of context and applying it to their life situation" which (may or may not) cause the other person involved to feel upset. I do understand about it being hard to find "fault" maybe in someone you love. But again, what about when you aren't in a relationship? Why still blame "porn" as though it did something wrong when the person who made you upset was the one?

All in all I thank everyone for their point of view. I agree with the communication part heavily. This was more like a "society" look towards porn and a wonder why "porn" is blamed instead of "individuals" many times.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

I see, so it is not actually a discussion. More of a rhetorical 'why do people think this when it is clearly wrong, the morons?' than actually asking why people take issue with it. Like the poll structure.

I'll be going then. Y'all have fun.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

lirulin said:


> I see, so it is not actually a discussion. More of a rhetorical 'why do people think this when it is clearly wrong, the morons?' than actually asking why people take issue with it. Like the poll structure.
> 
> I'll be going then. Y'all have fun.


LMAO, ummm no I'm not saying anyone is "wrong". Great way to force words into someone's mouth. Thought I could express my opinion, guess I was wrong. No, not really a "discussion" this isn't the debate forum. I'm curious why people blame the external sources instead of the internal, not sure what's hard to understand here.

Clearly I won't get a non-judgemental/non-sarcastic remark from you so yes "have fun".


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

You are quite clearly stating that you think a person is wrong in blaming porn rather than the s/o. You say they blame porn when the other person is the problem. (Because, apparently, there is no relationship problem that has any external factors.) It is not a phrasing, or a poll, that is conducive to discussion - but, of course, that is not your goal, so that explains it, and I was mistaken in thinking you wanted to hear answers to your question or any sort of discussion.

There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, nor did I say so. However, since you aren't interested in discussion or anyone else's opinion, I'll let you get back to your original purpose and not bother posting again. Have fun venting, or whatever it is.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

the problem with porn is it causes people to pull away from their mates, otherwise I don't think it would bother anybody


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

It's comes down to influence. For whatever reason people will allow external media to influence how they act. 

If a person is bombarded with images that show certain things they will tend to think that that is how things really should be.

Young girls being bombarded with airbrushed, size 0 models, think that that's how they should look.
Young boys being bombarded with certain sexual images might think that that's how sex is - that they should have a 8-inch schlong, and be able to last for hours, and that pulling out and ejaculating on the woman's face is how it's done.

You are responsible for your actions. . . but some people are more easily influenced than others.


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## dalsgaard (Aug 14, 2010)

twoofthree said:


> Young girls being bombarded with airbrushed, size 0 models, think that that's how they should look.







Sorry, couldn't resist.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

lirulin said:


> There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, nor did I say so. However, since you aren't interested in discussion or anyone else's opinion, I'll let you get back to your original purpose and not bother posting again. Have fun venting, or whatever it is.


I am interested in other's opinions, not sarcastic comments about "hidden" or "convenient" agendas though that don't exist. The external factors in a "relationship" are not in question and therefor are not "relevant" to the so-called "discussion". If someone isn't home enough, that has little to do with why someone might blame porn for "degrading" women. That's just ridiculous. Again the title says "sex" not "relationship" beyond (physical contact). 

When someone says "porn" is to blame for men wanting to "shoot their cum all over a woman's face" I (personally) find that the male wishing to do so should be "blamed" not the "porn". Again people are responsible for their "own" actions, thoughts, and perceptions. Obviously if both partners involved are not on the same "level" then that's an issue, but it isn't anything to do with "porn" and the stigmata of it.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

:eyeroll:
Also, don't bother quoting me, thanks.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

The Proof said:


> the problem with porn is it causes people to pull away from their mates, otherwise I don't think it would bother anybody


Well.....

Not sure if I agree with that. I think many people turn to porn when their mate pulls away from them. Some relationships watch porn together or just use it to fill in the gaps. 

I think SOME individuals who are addicted to porn it can take away from a relationship for sure. But these people probably had that problem going into the relationship.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

twoofthree said:


> It's comes down to influence. For whatever reason people will allow external media to influence how they act.


I agree. Personally I don't understand why people let it influence "so much" of their lives. 



> If a person is bombarded with images that show certain things they will tend to think that that is how things really should be.
> 
> Young girls being bombarded with airbrushed, size 0 models, think that that's how they should look.
> Young boys being bombarded with certain sexual images might think that that's how sex is - that they should have a 8-inch schlong, and be able to last for hours, and that pulling out and ejaculating on the woman's face is how it's done.
> ...


hrmmm....yes I would agree here as well. idk....just seems so generalized when people get upset with "porn" and I'm not "picking" on people who don't like "porn" for this reason, it's all aspects where there is a negative view towards something that (to me) seems like it's something that an individual is responsible for.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

TreeBob said:


> I think SOME individuals who are addicted to porn it can take away from a relationship for sure. But these people probably had that problem going into the relationship.


Exactly, if there is an "issue" (which is subjective in the world of sex and only interacts within the participants) then it's all the individual's issues. At least that's how I feel and I'm not trying to "judge" anyone for feeling different.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I think that it's sad if you have a gap in your relationship that can only be filled by pornography. I also don't think it's the solution to either partner pulling away.


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## MonieJ (Nov 22, 2010)

I said no because blaming one factor when there are a bazillion of them is :rollseyes:.

While it's probably a major one it's not the only one.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

It's definitely _part_ of the problem.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

What kinds of "major" problems come from "porn" do you think?


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Hokahey said:


> What kinds of "major" problems come from "porn" do you think?


IMO

1 - It conditions someone to have sexual thoughts about someone that's not their partner.

2 - It encourages them to adopt digitally-edited standards of attractiveness.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

Eerie said:


> IMO
> 
> 1 - It conditions someone to have sexual thoughts about someone that's not their partner.
> 
> 2 - It encourages them to adopt digitally-edited standards of attractiveness.


Only thing with 2 I guess is that not "all" porn is industry run porn.

I could see the issue with number 1 if it wasn't "talked" about or anything like that.



I guess it's more of a question about overcoming "social" "outlooks"/"standards" /shrug..


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## Hardstyler (Sep 4, 2010)

psssshhhh why watch porn when you can make it happen.....


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

dalsgaard said:


> Why does almost everyone assume that OP is talking about porn in relationships?
> 
> I thought this was a general thread about porn. I'm confused.


Quoted so others can read and "take in".

This thread is not "limited" to "within" a relationship. There is a "stigmata" surrounding porn "in" and "out" of a relationship. There are presumptions on how "all"/"most" viewers of porn view sex. It goes back to is the person just shallow or is the "porn" really at fault?


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

The Sex & Relationships section:

Because porn is evil and no-one should be able to make their own decision on the matter.


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## Shahada (Apr 26, 2010)

Jesus fuck I've never seen so many inappropriate uses of quotation marks in my life.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Shahada said:


> Jesus fuck I've never seen so many inappropriate uses of quotation marks in my life.


 I am "not" sure what you are "referring" to Shahada.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

Porn isn't the issue; it's the symptom. The issue is the addiction to the euphoria attached to orgasm - that is what is being sought. Porn is just a visual aid. People using porn quit viewing it once orgasm is achieved.

Yes, this addiction to the euphoria associated with orgasm is detrimental to a relationship with a SO, if love, mutual respect, and commitment are the goals.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

Shahada said:


> Jesus fuck I've never seen so many inappropriate uses of quotation marks in my life.


I "quoted" you so you could "see" more.


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## Sanskrit (Feb 6, 2011)

Hokahey said:


> I "quoted" you so you could "see" more.


"I" see plenty even "without" quotation marks as the ""reading comprehension" is a requirement" to "participation" in threads "composed" entirely of "letters" in written "form". _How about_ *using* one of these other forms of highlighting a piece _*of text?*_


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

'every' - wat no.

ways in which its a problem:
partner feels like they arent good enough, because someone is picking someone elses body to get off to over theirs. some partners want a commitment where they arent passed up for something else.

it can take away from the quality of/desire for sexual interaction with ones partner. in general i think, why do you need it, when you have someone to fulfill those things..

aaahhh.. unless they -cant- fulfill those things, then why bother being with someone who doesnt think you can fulfill those? i wouldnt. and i wouldnt be with someone who couldnt fulfill them.


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