# Does all shyness stem from a lack of self-esteem?



## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

Are there causes other than self confidence issues for shyness?

I'm trying to understand shy people and how I can help them.


----------



## kat94 (Dec 23, 2012)

Not necessarily. I have high self-esteem but I'm a natural shy person, ever since I was a small kid. I think it's just ones genetic make-up. Sometimes low self-esteem is the case but its more of a habit and trait. Sometimes people are shy because of nervousness about trying something new.


----------



## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

kat94 said:


> Sometimes low self-esteem is the case but its more of a habit and trait. Sometimes people are shy because of nervousness about trying something new.


Habit, so it was learned behavior during a time of when were wasn't as self confident yet?
Being nervous for trying something new usually means you're uncomfortable with failing or just don't feel prepared. Both are also a result of not being confident.


----------



## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

I'd hate to look at it in those terms. Some people have a naturally lower energy level, or are more reserved around others and I feel like telling everyone who's shy that they have "no self confidence" is incredibly insulting and biased towards super-extroverted, brash American culture.

I'd guess that most everyone feels shy at some point in their lives, whether or not their underlying sense of self-confidence is good. When I personally feel shy, it's due more to the underlying assumption that others don't want me bugging them than anything else.

If someone's feeling excruciatingly shy, it could indicate a self-confidence problem, or it could be the sign of something more serious like a social anxiety disorder, which may *or may not* be caused by bad self-confidence/self-esteem.


----------



## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

Some people just don't care to talk much which can be taken as being shy as well. Not necessarily a problem to be solved.


----------



## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

holyrockthrower said:


> I'd hate to look at it in those terms. Some people have a naturally lower energy level, or are more reserved around others and I feel like telling everyone who's shy that they have "no self confidence" is incredibly insulting and biased towards super-extroverted, brash American culture.


I don't think we're on the same page as to what shyness is. Lower energy level or being more reserved isn't being shy.

I'm going by the following



> Shyness is the awkwardness or apprehension some people feel when approaching or being approached by other people. Shy people often desperately want to connect with others, but don't know how or can't tolerate the anxiety that comes with human interaction.


There's still nothing convincing me that there is a another cause other than a lack of self confidence.
I'm hoping someone here could convince me otherwise.


----------



## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

bluekitdon said:


> Some people just don't care to talk much which can be taken as being shy as well. Not necessarily a problem to be solved.


I'm well aware, I'd be one of them. But people never considered me shy.


----------



## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Ziwosa said:


> Are there causes other than self confidence issues for shyness?
> 
> I'm trying to understand shy people and how I can help them.


Some people just don't know what to say. Or they know what they'd like to say, but just have a hard time expressing it verbally. It's like they're all dream, no explanation.


----------



## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Ziwosa said:


> There's still nothing convincing me that there is a another cause other than a lack of self confidence.
> I'm hoping someone here could convince me otherwise.


Well, you'd want to figure out why that person feels so awkward or apprehensive when others approach. It may be for some other reason than feeling inadequate. PTSD, social anxiety, or past abuse can contribute. I'm not a shyness expert, but I think it's certainly possible to be self-confident in many areas and still shy.


----------



## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

Shyness, not to be confused with introversion, is a lack of esteem_ in a sense_.

Social anxiety is the nervousness of what your mind instantly predicts to be the natural reaction of the other person.
To the shy person, saying hello can be scary because they've good reason to believe that they won't get along with that person.

For myself, I'm shy because people confuse me. I don't understand their brain processes, and therefore can't understand their reaction to the crap that I'm interested (particle physics <3). But I would say that I have quite an obnoxious ego at times.
So shyness isn't necessarily low self-esteem, but that doesn't mean that it isn't.

Overcoming shyness in someone else is quite simple, all you got to do is show that you're not like other people, and are willing to not reject them on the first premise, or in my case, interested in the same stuff that's regularly viewed as "_totally _lame stuff 4 losers".


----------



## Devalight (May 27, 2012)

There is some evidence that shyness is an inherited biological trait.


----------



## illow (Dec 23, 2012)

I doubt it, I've come across a few confident shy people...and its like they're more discreet with their confidence.... its easy to mistake 'em as clueless, or having low self esteem n they're very aware of it...so they've adapted in ways that seem weird to those with a louder confidence....cos they don't actually show any physical signs of being shy, only once you get to really know 'em, then you might notice it.


----------



## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

I have been called shy before, but I wouldn't say it was lack of self confidence, more like just not really having anything important to say. I can easily speak up if there is something I think needs saying.


----------



## Libra Sun (Sep 7, 2012)

When I was a child, I was shy and very quiet. However, I was really affectionate, open, and friendly with people one-on-one. I sought out the outsiders or new kids at school, and quickly embraced them as friends. Yet, during adolescence and adulthood, I became more distant; withdrawn, even. I'm less inclined to reach out to new people and step out of my comfort zone; I tend to stay close to a select few. That, I believe is a result of emotional abuse I endured over the years, so there was a gradual shut down (even though I sometimes long for human interaction, new experiences, and emotional connections). From personal experience, I believe it can be a combination of genetics and a deeper problem (low self-esteem or social anxiety).


----------



## MissBlossom (Dec 22, 2010)

Let's not confuse shyness with introversion. Reserved and private person *does not* equal a shy person. 

Being shy is being afraid to interact. And, in my opinion, the only reason for shyness is low self-esteem. If you feel anxious around people and are afraid that you might say something inappropriate or that people judge you badly, you have low self-esteem. A healthy introvert will feel comfortable and safe around people. Unhealthy introvert will feel threatened by other people.

I would love to hear what kind of study revealed that shyness is a biological trait. It makes no sense. The thing is, if your parents have low self-esteem, they will teach you low self-esteem. 

I struggle with low self-esteem.

The best book about low self-esteem is Marilyn J Sorensen's "Breaking the chain of low self-esteem". Another good book from the same author is "Low self-esteem misunderstood and misdiagnosed".

And if someone wants more about it, I recommend Nathaniel Branden.


----------



## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

I don't think it really matters weither shyness is a result of low self esteem. A lot of times shy people like me might have a negative self image simply because shyness (especially in men) is considered a negative trait by most people. 

I think it helps when I have posative interactions with people and their not freaked out by my awkwardness if that makes sense. I definitely wouldn't take the approach of trying to put pressure on the person though if that makes sense.


----------



## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

illow said:


> I doubt it, I've come across a few confident shy people...and its like they're more discreet with their confidence.... its easy to mistake 'em as clueless, or having low self esteem n they're very aware of it...so they've adapted in ways that seem weird to those with a louder confidence....cos they don't actually show any physical signs of being shy, only once you get to really know 'em, then you might notice it.


Well self confidence is not a black and white scale though. People are insecure about specific things most of the time, some people are insecure about their work,the opposite sex, their intelligence and self esteem consists of all sorts of things. I would say an inability to assert yourself does imply low self esteem in a certain area but it doesn't necessarily mean their extremely insecure as a person.


----------



## Dauntless (Nov 3, 2010)

No. I have minimal self-esteem and I am not shy.


----------



## Roark (Dec 23, 2012)

I believe shyness can come from a desire of wanting others to feel at ease. Whether that is Fe or Fi, shyness can be wanting to hold back from dominating the room for the sake of letting other's open up about themselves.


----------



## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

Dauntless said:


> No. I have minimal self-esteem and I am not shy.


If A implies B that does not mean that not A implies not B.


----------



## FlightsOfFancy (Dec 30, 2012)

Nope, the issue is the perpetual perception that shyness = introversion, not the link between shyness and self-esteem.

Shyness, when appropriately defined


> Shyness is the awkwardness or apprehension some people feel when approaching or being approached by other people.


 is indeed a lack of self-esteem.

To be more explicit, a battered ESFwhatever may be shy around men, due largely to this apprehension; whereas an ISwhatever may not have such difficulty--just a preference to not be bothered.


----------

