# sx doms - Struggles, Frustrations



## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

What do you struggle with most as an sx dominant person?

Do you ever find the lack of intense connections so frustrating, you want to scream?


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Feeling the intensity of the connection diminish, things growing stale and comfortable are so torturous to me. I don't want shallowness.. I need this constant fascination element in a relationship, a perpetual need to figure each other out and discover one another. To know someone so intimately they're almost a part of me. It frustrates me to death when my partner doesn't reciprocate in depth and intimacy, when they're content with just being with me. 

I also struggle with coming on too strongly. It sometimes drives the people I like away, because I'm *so eager* to establish that bond whereas they need time. I can be incredibly patient if I feel they are worth it, but I still open up way too fast and they may just feel rushed by my excitement.

Another issue I have is moderation, finding a balance. I'm too all or nothing, too black and white to find a middle ground in most things - but especially relationships & even friendships. Like Sylvia Plath says, 'I like people too much or not at all.'


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Lack of intense connections don't frustrate me because I would never want to push for something inauthentic.

I also automatically search out intensity when I'm not experiencing it. This is nothing I have to force myself to do and I did it naturally, before I discovered the enneagram.

For me it has always been- No theatre or too much rest from theatre-relationships. No live theatre or *intense* relationships-Marathons. No marathons-ultra marathons, etc.

Right now I'm in an intense relationship and intense training for another marathon. It seems awesome. I need to perform, too. I love all 3 at the same time. It makes me really happy.

When it sucks, is when I expect the intensity from one thing to truly satisfy me. It never will. I can't get everything I need from a relationship. I can't get everything I need from marathoning. I can't get everything I need from performing on stage (but it's close). I also can't get everything I need from the mom experience, even though my 15-year old is certainly taking me on an unpredictable wild ride. 

I just need to keep all my balls in the air and satisfy all those parts of me. They keep me balanced. Experience has taught me. If I only focus on one area, it will dissatisfy me for sure. So everyday I work to satisfy all areas of myself so I'm truly satisfied and feel intensity everyday, not in an imbalanced way. It's too easy to imbalance for me if I'm only focusing on one area at a time. Who or what could ever solely satisfy the intensity I need?


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## wisefaery (Feb 14, 2010)

kaleidoscope said:


> Feeling the intensity of the connection diminish, things growing stale and comfortable are so torturous to me. I don't want shallowness.. I need this constant fascination element in a relationship, a perpetual need to figure each other out and discover one another. To know someone so intimately they're almost a part of me. It frustrates me to death when my partner doesn't reciprocate in depth and intimacy, when they're content with just being with me.
> 
> I also struggle with coming on too strongly. It sometimes drives the people I like away, because I'm *so eager* to establish that bond whereas they need time. I can be incredibly patient if I feel they are worth it, but I still open up way too fast and they may just feel rushed by my excitement.
> 
> Another issue I have is moderation, finding a balance. I'm too all or nothing, too black and white to find a middle ground in most things - but especially relationships & even friendships. Like Sylvia Plath says, 'I like people too much or not at all.'


Oh dear God! You said everything that I am feeling right now and I never figured it out that I am like this because of my sx dom. I finally understand. Reading what you said just lit a bulb in my head like a Eureka moment! Wow. So this is what it means to be sx. And on top of that I am 4-7-9. That's plain neurotic, you know. I dont have a farthing of an idea who I am,most days. I always flip through the day thinking I am unique-I am worthless-I wanna have fun-What's the point of anything!


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## Krelian91 (May 2, 2012)

I think that the number one frustration for any sx-dom is being the one who always gives the most in a relationship.



pinkrasputin said:


> Lack of intense connections don't frustrate me because I would never want to push for something inauthentic.


I completely agree. It's not the lack of intense connections that is frustrating, but the presence of shallow ones.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Krelian91 said:


> I think that the number one frustration for any sx-dom is being the one who always gives the most in a relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> I completely agree. It's not the lack of intense connections that is frustrating, but the presence of shallow ones.


Shallow is yucky. It needs to go away. I don't even understand it. It breaks my brain. How can people be satisfied on this level? Really?


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Krelian91 said:


> I completely agree. It's not the lack of intense connections that is frustrating, but the presence of shallow ones.


How is lack of intense connections not frustrating? Life is so bland without them, to me at least.

I agree though, I *always* seem to end up in relationships where I give and sacrifice more, somehow (until recently).


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

Krelian91 said:


> I think that the number one frustration for any sx-dom is being the one who always gives the most in a relationship.


Not quite. If anything, my partners usually thought the opposite of me. My fascinations are... well, ephemeral, and when a relationship becomes unsatisfactory, I'm usually the first to end it - ironically, because I'm quite idealistic about love. I don't want my relationships to be less than perfect, which is quite a frustrating thing. 'Cause people aren't perfect. Including me, sadly.

(And I tend to express that 7-ish sour grapes attitude - "I never cared about you THAT much".)


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> What do you struggle with most as an sx dominant person?


To be honest, many of my issues are not sx-related. 

In terms of being sx-dom, though, I'd say I've struggled with intimacy issues since hitting puberty. The kids at my school basically did things to make me feel permanently undesirable. I'm not really sure I _can_ bond deeply with others anymore. I should forget about it, I know, but it's basically become my way of interacting with the world.



> Do you ever find the lack of intense connections so frustrating, you want to scream?


As cynical as this will probably make me sound...I've sort of gotten used to the fact that the entire rest of my life will consist of shallow social interactions with others. I've made it my pet project to make these as entertaining and "smooth" as possible (I am not naturally good at social interactions).

I find that the internet helps me immerse myself in something when the going gets tough, though.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Kinda had to adjust to "shallowness," though, as I got older... Basically there are some who keep very tight personal boundaries who I will never be able to grow close to (I realized recently that my F ex was actually a self-pres, which I hadn't really considered before... and suddenly the problems that had occured in our relationship made sense to me); and the social sorts are happy with networking and being fairly open but don't feel a need to expose their deepest inner recesses to the light of day, or at least do not do so as easily as you'd expect from their beginning friendliness.

Anyway, time seems to be a limited resource as I get older, there are just many things that can siphon away time, and so I no longer expect/desire to be intimately close with everyone. And those "social" relationships serve a purpose, to get me into a community and network properly, etc. I don't need to convert every relationship to something SX-like. That's been one change in me over the years -- to quickly sense what relationships are worth investing in to that degree and then investing in them, vs trying to make everything deeply personal and becoming disillusioned when some of them seem to go nowhere.

I will say that accepting this aspect of life and people has made the relationships that ARE really intense and close mean much more to me, because they seem more precious and rare.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

@Hunny Bunny - Thank you for this thread. I've been looking for a place to vent sx-related frustrations, and I think they're unique enough to not really have a place in the main enneatype forum.

Interesting, but I don't have the same relationship frustrations as a number of you here do. Sometimes everyone meets people they think are "shallow," but my problem is more related to experiences that are intense, not people, and I'm surprised there hasn't been more mention of that yet. 

I have an insatiable appetite for "peak experiences." The _perfect_ moment, where everything comes together. I only feel at peace when my life is full of new experiences, all of which contribute to this idealistic vision I have for what a great life should be. It could be anything - a great night out with friends, success on the job, a competitive tennis win against a top player, a sparkling cruise to the Mediterranean, something snazzy for the apartment, etc. There's this "energy" that I feel while doing these sorts of things, and I'm almost addicted to it. But when I try to re-create the experience, the magic is usually gone. 

I become very depressed when I know I want more out of life, but don't believe I'll ever find anything to curb the appetite - or, when the 3w2 part of me begins to think I'm only doing things for the image of it. I think I'm more aware of how up and down my happiness is than most people are, and I constantly wonder if I'll ever just be at ease. The old proverb "be happy with what you have" is *so* hard for me. My mind is absurdly restless, like the guy who has work tomorrow but can't sleep because his wife is snoring a rock concert next to him. 

Fortunately, I realized a long time ago that people were what really matter anyway. It's nice to have MBTI and the enneagram because it helps you find people to be close to who are more likely to put an sx at ease, based on your personality. It takes awhile to find the "right" friends, but once you do, a lot of the frustration goes away entirely.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Hunny Bunny said:


> What do you struggle with most as an sx dominant person?
> 
> Do you ever find the lack of intense connections so frustrating, you want to scream?


I just need _The One_. 

And another one outside of The One.

This is where I struggle the most. I sometimes long for a merging with another person outside of my SO [with no strings attached and no romantic inclinations whatsoever] and never find one. There's always, always something wrong with them, or with me that keeps me longing for more. That said ... I think I'm close to making a very deep connection --- and hopefully successfully this time. 

I'm not rushing into it head-first like always [though I'm soo tempted to just give it everything I have]. I'm taking my time, though. I hope they understand. 

Sometimes it seems impossible to find a best friend like the best friend I desire. 

*shrugs*


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

LXPilot said:


> Interesting, but I don't have the same relationship frustrations as a number of you here do. Sometimes everyone meets people they think are "shallow," but my problem is more related to experiences that are intense, not people, and I'm surprised there hasn't been more mention of that yet.


I definitely think of this, but haven't had the chance to experience this kind of frustration yet due to my circumstances - the country I live in (Middle Eastern). I'm not married yet, so I don't have much freedom  (I'm being ironic but that's really how it works). I daydream of peak experiences, and these perfect moments you speak of. Until I'm free though, all I have to quench my Sx are relationships and friendships.

I agree with @_Jawz_, friendships with the right amount of intensity really are hard to find. I've always fantasized about having the perfect best friend, that *one *person who will understand me, see through my push-pull and bullshit, and always be there. I want someone to go to at whatever time of the day when I'm having a hard time, to who I can talk to about anything.. anything. I always feel so much longing when I see people talk about that best friend they've had for fourteen years or something. I can't help but wonder why I can't have that.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> I agree with @_Jawz_, friendships with the right amount of intensity really are hard to find. I've always fantasized about having the perfect best friend, that *one *person who will understand me, see through my push-pull and bullshit, and always be there. I want someone to go to at whatever time of the day when I'm having a hard time, to who I can talk to about anything.. anything. I always feel so much longing when I see people talk about that best friend they've had for fourteen years or something. I can't help but wonder why I can't have that.


I have a problem with friendships, because I tend to be quite possessive and I want to spend time with that one special friend, so they assume I'm attracted to them. Which tends to backfire on me more often than not. It's quite humiliating, really, when I meet with a same-sex friend and they suddenly panic, saying "you know I'm not gay, right?" :/


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

aconite said:


> I have a problem with friendships, because I tend to be quite possessive and I want to spend time with that one special friend, so they assume I'm attracted to them. Which tends to backfire on me more often than not. It's quite humiliating, really, when I meet with a same-sex friend and they suddenly panic, saying "you know I'm not gay, right?" :/



Tell me about it.. I can get *extremely *possessive as well. Just today, with a friend of mine, I got so jealous over something super petty, you'd think I was head over heels in love with them. I'm still at a point though where it's hard for me to distinguish between purely platonic and romantic.. Connecting with someone takes on such an intimate twist for me, it's hard to draw the line between "just friends" and more. 

Being a demisexual doesn't help matters :bored:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

kaleidoscope said:


> I definitely think of this, but haven't had the chance to experience this kind of frustration yet due to my circumstances - the country I live in (Middle Eastern). I'm not married yet, so I don't have much freedom  (I'm being ironic but that's really how it works). I daydream of peak experiences, and these perfect moments you speak of. Until I'm free though, all I have to quench my Sx are relationships and friendships.
> 
> I agree with @_Jawz_, friendships with the right amount of intensity really are hard to find. I've always fantasized about having the perfect best friend, that *one *person who will understand me, see through my push-pull and bullshit, and always be there. I want someone to go to at whatever time of the day when I'm having a hard time, to who I can talk to about anything.. anything. I always feel so much longing when I see people talk about that best friend they've had for fourteen years or something. I can't help but wonder why I can't have that.


I don't really crave deep relationships with friends. I tend to go deep with everyone, but if I go deep with a friend, I will need to break away from them. I do not like intense relationships with friends for very long. I can only handle them in spurts. I prefer romantic unions where my partner is my bestest friend.

I'm in a wonderful relationship with a fellow sx dom. It's fabulous. I don't want for anything. However, we basically moved in with each other since we met. I came over one night because he cooked me dinner about a month ago. I never left. :tongue: We've been busy playing house and drinking each other's souls. Hahaha. I knew he was the one for me since the beginning when he said "I want to know everything about you. Every detail...". I will never go back to any type of other relationship. I obviously work best with a fellow SX dom. My man and I already decided to die old together.

I think any problems I've had in the past with relationships had to do with not being in a relationship with a fellow SX dom. This relationship feels so easy comparatively.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> I obviously work best with a fellow SX dom. My man and I already decided to die old together.
> 
> I think any problems I've had in the past with relationships had to do with not being in a relationship with a fellow SX dom. This relationship feels so easy comparatively.


I don't know, I'm pretty sure Sx-seconders can be just as intense, it just takes more time for them. If you know how to bring out their Sx, you can even mistake them for Sx-firsts. My partner is an So/Sx and he has this grounding intensity I absolutely adore - and the best part is, only *I* get to witness it. I'm much more volatile, while he's a mixture of stability and passion (stability because his Sx isn't at the forefront). At the same time, it's as torturous for him as it is for me when we don't get to connect. We have the same priorities, I just love this combination. 

I agree that Sx + Sx can be pretty exhilarating though. I once met an 8w7 Sx/So and fuck, were we an explosive combo. Highest highs, lowest lows.


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## bearotter (Aug 10, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> perfect best friend, that *one *person who will understand me, see through my push-pull and bullshit, and always be there


In my experience, the last of these is the hard one and sort of "the test." I'm actually "always there" for a good number of people in my life, because I simply don't believe in leaving them. That said, always there in the sense of always gaining energy from spending time with that person is a real test. I wish I could gain energy from spending time and supporting those I feel are really really worth it. Not always true -- because often they don't understand me back in the way I need.

At least for me, understanding someone is not difficult, but my test is whether they really, truly, actually always want me around and want all aspects.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

bearotter said:


> In my experience, the last of these is the hard one and sort of "the test.


For me, the problem is usually seeing through my push-pull and bullshit :tongue: Always being there sort of goes without saying if they can understand me, and come to accept me the way I am.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

I struggle with holding back. I come on too strong alot of the time, and I also have to remind myself to keep some things a mystery. Another thing is I think I set the bar so high alot of the times that if I am not constantly keeping up, I start to get down on myself.

Also, I try to warn people ahead of time that I am a very intense person, but they somehow never believe me, so when that side of me comes out, they are taken aback. Then I end up arguing with them when they tell me "well maybe you shoulnd't be so XYZ" or "Maybe you should give it a rest" ect. Yeah, not an option. To get extreme results, extreme measures are in order, and most people are not willing to go to those lengths. I am, and if they don't understand that, fuck em!

Craving intense experiences, and epic moments and building up anticipation is a constant struggle with me too. The more I try to make it memorable, the more it eludes me. I have a hard time just enjoying it as it is happening. This can manifest in other ways too, like my love of danger. I've done some pretty risky things that looking back on, probably weren't the smartest thing, but man, what a rush! I'm learning to use that thrill of danger and risk in other ways though, like business, relationships, sports, ect. 

The last thing I can think of that is kind of a pain in the ass to deal with, is when nothing is happening. I feel like I am stagnating, or missing out on something. This is usually combatted by taking on something challenging, risky, or intense. (guitar/working out for a rediculous amount of time 6 days a week, or pursuing a challenging goal. Or it could be as simple as eating VERY spicy food and seeing how long I can go without water.) 

One more thing, is when I hear about people around my age who have done or are doing things that are more crazy or extreme than I have done, some part of me feels down because I didn't do it. 

It can be tough being an SX dom, but I'd have it no other way!


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Kito said:


> I'm not sure how it works for So/Sx, but with Sp/Sx there's an underlying desire for intensity that's taken second place to the need for comfort and stability. I often wish I could engage in some intense activities and relationships, but think "nah, that'd be way too unstable and crazy".


Yeah, I do think Sx in So/Sx is less 'contained' as it would be in an Sp/Sx. There's more room for it to be expressed. I do think though that when an Sp/Sx trusts you, they're more comfortable in expressing their Sx because they know it's safe. It just takes time.



> Also, an 8w7 Sx/So? That sounds terrifying. xD


LOL I know right? I was so fucking intimidated at first, but incredibly drawn to him as well. He had such an imposing and charismatic presence, it was hard to ignore him ^^


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Rim said:


> I think I finally found the subtype for me. So/Sx seems to be more then just parties, socializing, networking and making friends...quite the opposite. I noticed in one comment on it that So dom's read others with very little effort, while SX doms read the "chemistry". Interesting difference as i tend to read social situations and other people with incredible ease...which often ends in me cringing and getting bothered by what I see hiding in other people's intentions.
> 
> There is something worse then losing intensity and that is being lied to and betrayed in a relationship and seeing right through it. o.o its interesting to see a real SX dom and a strong secondary sx dom's differences imo.


Oops, I must've misunderstood. Sorry about that ^^

Glad you finally figured it out. Yeah, So/Sx is not about meaningless socializing or anything like that. The Sx being secondary, it gives them great one-on-one skills, and a need for meaningful interactions. It's a very interesting stacking for sure.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

I think it's important to remember that romantic relationship are just a one area where the sexual instinct can be expressed. Every peak experience fuels it.

When I climb a mountain and yell from the top of it, looking at the heartbreaking beauty of the world below, it's Sx.
When I see a painting so gorgeous it makes me want to cry and worship the hands that made it, it's Sx.
When I read a novel and immerse myself in it so much that the characters become almost real, it's Sx.
When I run, when I fight, when I cry, when I laugh, whether I make art or experience it, it's Sx.
When I'm at a concert, I sing with the vocalist, I jump and yell and hold hands with strangers, it's Sx.
When I obsess over something, when I listen to the same song for hours, when I watch the same film many times in a row, when I draw the same thing over and over, it's Sx.


It's about being in love with everything you do. There is no such thing as too much, too soon, too intense. It's about being attracted to the most powerful source of energy (be it mental, emotional or physical). It's a deep chasm inside of you, a void (as @n2freedom wisely stated), a fire you must keep burning no matter what. It's an inability to be truly satisfied for long (although I suspect that my E-type plays a role too).

I am single, but it doesn't mean I have to look for a partner in order to feed my Sx instinct. Art, literature, all my creative endeavours are a means of fulfillment.

I'm most aware of my Sx instinct in the dead of night, when I write or draw; I don't need food, I don't need sleep, I don't need family, I don't need anything - I just stare at my work with mixed feelings. On one hand, I'm happy that I'm able to express my visions and ideas; on the other, I know it's flawed. My work will never be perfect. It's like chasing a rainbow.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Razare said:


> In this way, I've realized that life, for me at least, is learning how to enjoy being alone romantically. At least I'm guessing it's so based on my nature.


I find it easier to be alone than suffer mundaneity.



Rim said:


> o.o yeah, takes a few months. ^_^; oh wow...I'd consider that level of neediness a red flag that starts the very downward spiral I was talking about.  good call on noticing that.


Not a red flag. He loves me for it. He is just as needy. He came out of a 28 year marriage being neglected in a relationship. He loves that I want and need attention from him, he's the same way. Plus he loves showering me with it. 

Up until he met me, he said he had been disappointed when dating others because it seemed like nobody wanted a real connection. He loves that we have both emotional and physical connection. He spotted it right away and wasn't going to let me go. He had made up his mind earlier, that he would never ever settle for anything less. 

And honestly, I always hated what I considered "clingy" people too. But I just hadn't met the right man to be clingy with. Falling in love deeply and having someone fall just as deeply and intensely in love with me has changed me, or it has brought the inner real me out. I trust him enough to be that girl who wants to always be by his side and who sometimes gets hurt by what he says. I know I don't care to reveal this side too much to someone. It's been 16 years since I have, and the last man I felt like that with, I married. 

My current guy really is the same way. We are older, there are no games. We go out and separate for our work or our hobbies, but we cannot wait to rush home and see each other again. We've spent too long and too many years not having each other or having less than fulfilling relationships. Now, we just always tell each other we're done with others and we will die happily together.

I want to point out, that I also have a huge ability to hurt him as well. We are sensitive and "politely insecure", because we love each other so much. He also does not like to be ignored and I've hurt him before by not hugging and kissing him when I've walked through the door.

As far as type combos. I think the social instinct in a partner's top two position would never be compatible with me. My guy is SX/SP, and we seem to just fit together perfectly since day one. It wasn't even hard to be together. It just hard to be apart. 

I have a huge 20 mile training run this morning I had to travel for do I spent the night at a friend's. It was the first night in 2 weeks my boyfriend and I have slept apart. I hated it. It's funny. Usually I'm not this clingy with anyone. Usually, I welcome the breather. What can I say- we love living together and want to be a part of each other's life.

SX and SX FTW. Lol. We never have to question where each other stands and we both shoulder the relationship equally.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

See comments in blue below....


aconite said:


> I think it's important to remember that romantic relationship are just a one area where the sexual instinct can be expressed. Every peak experience fuels it.
> 
> When I climb a mountain and yell from the top of it, looking at the heartbreaking beauty of the world below, it's Sx.
> I would absolutely love to go mountain climbing and/or hiking.
> ...


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Silveresque said:


> It's weird that I relate very much to a lot of what's been said about desiring deep, authentic connections and being annoyed by shallow connections, yet I'm supposedly Sx last. Is there a difference between the kind of connections and intimacy people with So want vs those with Sx?


On the other hand, I'm supposedly sx-first, and I don't really relate to any of this. I'd never call myself intense; no one else ever has either. This stuff is like waaaay too intense for me. Compared to a lot of this stuff, I'm boring as fuck..! But if I'm not a sx-6, I don't know what else I'd be.

Guys're making me doubt my sx-firstness again!


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Razare said:


> No... because the older I get, the more I understand that who I am is too intense for most people... I want to connect too deep, and most people just aren't open nor willing to do so...
> 
> The problem with me at least is that I constantly probe my own mind for flaws and weaknesses... this extends to anyone I connect deeply with. I find their quirks and psychological crutches easily. Almost every person in the world is flawed morally or rationally, myself included... but few people are willing to stare their faults in the face and accept and/or deal with them... rather they ignore and deny.
> 
> ...





Rim said:


> o.o yeah, takes a few months. ^_^; oh wow...I'd consider that level of neediness a red flag that starts the very downward spiral I was talking about.  good call on noticing that.
> 
> @kaleidoscope
> 
> ...





aconite said:


> I think it's important to remember that romantic relationship are just a one area where the sexual instinct can be expressed. Every peak experience fuels it.
> 
> .


But the thread wasn't about what it means to be an SX Dom, it was just asking the question where SX doms saw they had some problems. 

I for one, like to expose myself. I'm provocative. I unite myself and become the living embodiment of anything I love. I push the envelope quite often. I'm a mental/emotional flasher and know how to shock. But I don't have a problem with any of that so I don't mention it.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> But the thread wasn't about what it means to be an SX Dom, it was just asking the question where SX doms saw they had some problems.


And that's why I wrote about my frustrations.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

I actually found @_aconite_'s post very helpful to help decrease the stereotypes and misunderstandings about what Sx is about, since many non Sx-first members were saying how they could relate. I see no problem with this, since there wasn't any derailing.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

kaleidoscope said:


> I actually found @_aconite_'s post very helpful to help decrease the stereotypes and misunderstandings about what Sx is about, since many non Sx-first members were saying how they could relate. I see no problem with this, since there wasn't any derailing.


I'm not sure if I can relate to that or not. I'm drawn to the most emotionally intense music, art, and stories I can find, but I don't obsess over them in the same way. I don't have the energy and enthusiasm to be bouncing off walls. Then again, @aconite is a 7, a type known for having a lot of energy and enthusiasm, whereas I'm a 5, a withdrawn, low energy type. So...I don't know.

I do know that I get frustrated because I can't seem to get close to anyone. I have acquaintances but no real, close, meaningful connections, and that really bothers me. That could be an Sx related frustration, but in the past I assumed it was just a problem caused by lack of Sx--maybe if I had Sx I wouldn't have such a hard time getting close to people.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Silveresque said:


> I'm not sure if I can relate to that or not. I'm drawn to the most emotionally intense music, art, and stories I can find, but I don't obsess over them in the same way. I don't have the energy and enthusiasm to be bouncing off walls. Then again, @_aconite_ is a 7, a type known for having a lot of energy and enthusiasm, whereas I'm a 5, a withdrawn, low energy type. So...I don't know.
> 
> I do know that I get frustrated because I can't seem to get close to anyone. I have acquaintances but no real, close, meaningful connections, and that really bothers me. That could be an Sx related frustration, but in the past I assumed it was just a problem caused by lack of Sx--maybe if I had Sx I wouldn't have such a hard time getting close to people.


I'm a withdrawn type as well. I too, lack the energy and enthusiasm - aconite's post sounded like me on a sugar rush or something :laughing: I find though, that I immerse myself fully in whatever I'm interested in. I can't help it, it becomes a form of obsession - which can simply be mental, or emotional. It doesn't have to manifest itself in risky behavior, or recklessness. Certain types are more prone to that than others. 


Also, I'm mostly definitely Sx first and have always had a hard time finding someone I feel I can get close to. Sx isn't some form of magic recipe that makes you get along with everyone, lol. It can sometimes have the effect of drawing people to you more, true. It doesn't mean that every person drawn to you is right for you though.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

kaleidoscope said:


> I'm a withdrawn type as well, so my need for intensity isn't as expansive, and definitely not as lustful as aconite's is. I find though, that I immerse myself fully in whatever I'm interested in. I can't help it, it becomes a form of obsession that overcomes me - which can simply be mental, or emotional. It doesn't have to manifest itself in risky behavior, or recklessness. Certain types are more prone to that than others.
> 
> Also, I'm mostly definitely Sx first and I have always had a hard time finding someone I feel like I can get close to. Sx isn't some form of magic recipe that makes you get along with everyone, lol. It can sometimes have the effect of drawing people to you more, true. It doesn't mean that every person that's drawn to you is right for you though.


I wonder...Something I know about myself is that just about every time I find something I get into, it consumes all my time. It's like I only ever have one or two interests at a time that I spend all my time doing, until I find something else that's more fulfilling and move on to that. And like aconite mentioned, I definitely relate to listening to the same song over and over again. I'm doing that right now actually.  It's the song that makes me feel the most at this time, so I'm going to keep listening to it until that feeling fades, or until I find a different song that evokes strong feelings in me. Is this the sort of fully immersing and obsession that those with Sx experience?


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> I find it easier to be alone than suffer mundaneity.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


O.O! WOW!. That sounds awesome! :3 ha! I'm glad you found him  I see you are too.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Hunny Bunny said:


> What do you struggle with most as an sx dominant person?
> 
> Do you ever find the lack of intense connections so frustrating, you want to scream?


Feeling like you can't do anything by yourself; like you always need someone to give you the spark and/or motivation that you should be able to find yourself to do what you need to do.

Also, an undefined sense of neediness of people or things to complete you, however well-hidden.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Another frustration: being surrounded by people who are not Sx-first. As a result, they can't really relate to your intensity, your intolerance for boredom, or your impatience with certain social niceties.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

I feel like I'm too much, yet at the same time not enough. :-/


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## elixare (Aug 26, 2010)

Oh wow, people actually fret about these things?

Man...reading this thread makes me wonder if I actually have an Sx instinct at all....what an eye opener...


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Ice Ghost said:


> Another frustration: being surrounded by people who are not Sx-first. As a result, they can't really relate to your intensity


true



> your intolerance for boredom


trust me, I definitely can :wink:



> or your impatience with certain social niceties.


this has more to do with Social last than Sexual first. if anything Sp/Sx probably has the least tolerance for this


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

You can tell this was a true sx thread. It fired up quickly, then fizzled out quickly. Lol


I just want to LIVE and experience LIFE, EMOTIONS, PEOPLE! 

I need a hyper sx-dom to pull me into real life again.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> You can tell this was a true sx thread. It fired up quickly, then fizzled out quickly. Lol


LMAO :laughing:

*bows head in shame*


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I don't know how to sleep by myself. My partner is out of town until Sunday. :sad:

He makes rainbows appear when there is no sun in sight. I feel sick to my stomach.

That ^^ is the worse part of being an sx dom. I'm not like normal people who can function without my mate. I mean, I can. But a break in any type of _connection_ is devastating.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

The worst part for me about being an sx-dom is the expectations I have of others. I expect and hope people to be more intense than they are. Then they usually disappoint me. Big time.


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## Juan M (Mar 11, 2011)

Im soc dominant but i have strong sx when it comes to a partner (girl), im easily devastated by loneliness... yeah its frustrating when you cant get enought conection with someone or something, its like raping my illusions.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

I hate being unable to separate from a toxic connection, whether it be a friendship or relationship. I've only had this trouble once, with an extremely intense friendship that turned very, very bad. We were both dependent off of each other and, eventually, I had to be the one to pull back. I was only able to because I met my SO and had the opportunity to form a new connection. Without that, I'd probably still be trapped in that vicious cycle.


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## A Little Bit of Cheeze (Apr 21, 2012)

I think the hardest part of being sx dom is the fact I'm an INTJ as well. I yearn for closeness, especially for friendship's sake. And I mean not having friends because I'm socially awkward is one thing (which I can overcome easily) but not having friends because my mind always to the 'logical' conclusion that they're a waste of time and it's never going to work out (<<<- stfu, I don't even have proper basis for this conclusion) then my thoughts end up affecting my actions/feelings. It's like a retarded cycle that's holding me back. 

I think part of me is just afraid that if I get too close to people I like, they won't like me back and my sx is at war with me sedentary state. 

/rantover


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Man am I glad I dodged the Sx first bullet. After reading more about the type and interacting with several IRL, I have to say I don't envy them. This is not to categorize them as all the same or anything, but they struggle with things I'd rather not struggle with.


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## Tetsonot (Nov 22, 2012)

I definitely struggle with obsessions/addictions, such as I have of late. It's getting to the point where it's getting in the way of my life. Not just my school work, but also sleeping and eating. And I don't have a single person I can say anything about it to, partially because there's no one I really trust. I don't even know any other sx firsts, and only one sx second (a sp/sx).

It's so frustrating. :frustrating:


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Chipps said:


> Man am I glad I dodged the Sx first bullet. After reading more about the type and interacting with several IRL, I have to say I don't envy them. This is not to categorize them as all the same or anything, but they struggle with things I'd rather not struggle with.


Wow. I'd love to hear more about that, actually.


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## Leonine (Nov 10, 2012)

holyrockthrower said:


> Wow. I'd love to hear more about that, actually.


Me too.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

holyrockthrower said:


> Wow. I'd love to hear more about that, actually.


Well from what I know about Sx doms they seem to struggle with their need for intensity or need for an outlet of intensity. I know all aren't always looking for a significant other and they put their energy into other things, but I'd honestly hate to always have that intensity. I mean, I have sx second and I can definitely have intensity especially when I'm close to other people, but other wise, I'm good. I'm a little house cat napping in the sun. I'm usually on energy conservation mode. Also it seems like the huge downside to Sx firsts especially when unhealthy is impulsive behaviors that they later regret. Not say all do this, but I've noticed the "I've done some stupid things in the past just for that spark that I'm not proud of....." coming from a lot of Sx firsts. See, I never want those words to cross my lips. I pride myself in not being like that, though I can say it comes easy to me. I'm not exactly fighting my nature, I'm accepting it. 

I feel like Sx firsts are often attempting to temper themselves down since they can be too much for the So/sp and sp/so clans which are quite populous. I, as a Sx second, don't care much for them myself either since I find them to be too much and it doesnt appeal to by boundaries. I see Sp/sx as a slow burning fire that can ignite at any minute and Sx first as a raging fire that needs to be tempered and kept under control or else it will get out of control. Lol, i'm making you all sound like wild animals. 

Anyway, I every time I've read about Sx firsts they always seem to be in need some thing. Shit, all i need is food, water a computer and a comfortable bed and I'd be set for weeks :laughing:. I do feel the pang of Sx from time to time, but it doesnt last too long and I'm back to napping in the shade. I feel like I have an off switch and I'm content being off. Sx firsts are like toys that continue to make noise after the batteries have been removed. :laughing:


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

@Chipps That's why I feel like I'm not sx-first, myself.


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## Leonine (Nov 10, 2012)

@Chipps I'm not sure I come off as intense(could be my 9 coming into play)and I'm also constantly on energy conservation mode. But I do stay in a perpetual state of restraint<--This could be the intensity that you're talking about.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

NanaEllis said:


> @_Chipps_ I'm not sure I come off as intense(could be my 9 coming into play)and I'm also constantly on energy conservation mode. But I do stay in a perpetual state of restraint<--This could be the intensity that you're talking about.


It is. I'm dont feel the need to restrain anything. Shit, sometimes I feel the _need _to get up and move. :laughing:


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

holyrockthrower said:


> @_Chipps_ That's why I feel like I'm not sx-first, myself.


You could be. Dont take my word for it. Maybe you're so/sx? I currently only know one so/sx and it seems like the pang of sx motivations have been beating down her door since she just turned 27.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

x_x I'm only Sx second and I have problem with noticing and controlling myself when it comes to time management, level of depth, resource management, maintaining my enviroment, sleeping properly, eating properly, workout, can't maintian ANY routine for long...etc. Ofc I'm SP last it seems. 

For example last night I accidentaly stayed upt till 2 AM because I had something interesting to watch about reading techniques...I forgot myself as I was watching the 5 hour video course...and had to go work in the morning at 6 AM...fuck. 

I tend to ignotre sleep, food, health etc in favor of of "fascinating stuff". Interestingly enough I have never had any drug addiction before, its mostly just information addiction, movies, books, interesting stuff to do, to talk about, other people that fascinate me :/...

Imo being SP last sucks and requires active effort on my aprt to keep certain things in mind, follow up on them etc. Like sleeping.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

I have a love-hate relationship with everything. Including myself. I both hate and envy people who are capable of just enjoying their lives, finding happiness in mediocrity.

Sometimes I just want to tear everything to bloody shreds. And probably myself, afterwards, as there will be nothing left for me to obsess about.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Yes, yes, happiness in mediocrity. Is that possible for an sx-dom?


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## Devalight (May 27, 2012)

What an interesting thread. I know its a bit old, but I'm resurrecting it.

Loss of an intimate relationship to sx is devastating! It goes far beyond what most people (I think) experience. How are other types just able to pick it up an go on with their lives as if nothing happened? Then they are with someone else right away. It's just amazing!

I have only been able to have fulfillment of any kind through esoteric religious practice. That is what has saved me. Nothing in "real life" human relationships has ever been able to sustain me for long. There is nothing that remotely compares to the image in my mind. All relationships with the opposite sex were all out obsessions. There was nothing halfway, yet I was rejected. Twice. Enough for the rest of my life.

It would really be nice just to have someone I knew was on my side. Who understood me. But I am getting old now..


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Devalight said:


> What an interesting thread. I know its a bit old, but I'm resurrecting it.
> 
> Loss of an intimate relationship to sx is devastating! It goes far beyond what most people (I think) experience. How are other types just able to pick it up an go on with their lives as if nothing happened? Then they are with someone else right away. It's just amazing!


The loss of intimate relationships are devastating to me. However, I can be with someone else right away. I crave the connection. The constant is that intimate relationships are the most important factor in my life. They are my drive. 

On a different note, something else that I noticed that is really hard for me is to stay in a group for any length of time. I am a mother of ONE child. I honestly don't know how I could have split my focus on more. It was hard enough being married and have to split my focus when the three of us were together. 

Now, I live with my boyfriend and my daughter. That is not so bad. But when he had his two little ones over (my daughter was gone), that was almost overload for me. I had to constantly shift my focus. I'm best when I'm one on one. I don't like to look at people I love and look at them as a "group". That kind of thing isn't deep enough. My brain split in half when we all had to sit and watch a movie together. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. 

BUT- when one child would separate from this little group and would come over to talk to me, I was at ease. I could focus on him or her. I could give them all the attention. Connection just seems so shallow in a group environment.

I seriously, ended up looking rude and tuning out and going off to be alone and locking myself away in a room. It's very hard for me to be in a group situation, especially when everyone deserves my love and attention. 

I have to do this when I group my private students together for recitals. All of them used to me one-on-one. I am very exhausted afterwards. The energy I pour into one person, is the same amount of energy I will pour into every one person in a group. This is why I'm so depleted afterwards. It's like overkill.


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## bearotter (Aug 10, 2012)

Just had this discussion with someone -- I'm finding how ridiculous it is to be an LII, SX-dom, with a really thick 5{probably w6} fix. It's like there is no medium for me to channel volcanic SX-energy, so it all goes into contemplation and simple hatred. A phenomenon I described was how I wind up feeling SX-energy towards individuals with virtually nothing in common with me, and my preferred mode of interaction is very alpha, and often rather uncommunicative of SX-energy.
And not to mention the effect of 8w9-5w{again probably w6} tendencies, coupled with SP. It's pretty much a failure combo.


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## superbundle (Nov 29, 2012)

I'm an sx/sp instinct. It's such a complicated stacking, especially along with my tritype nicknamed "triple frusteration", lol. 

And it's because of my sx dom that I'm so drawn to performing arts; no need to hold back. I find that if I give myself time for the sexual energy to be realeased, I can be in more control of myself and less-- desirous of intense experiences. 

I remember reading how the sp blocks the sx energy, so I think the key would be releasing it. I'm also a type 4 enneagram, so I might be writing with bias.

On another note, I also find that when I lack intensity, I get pretty erratic and tend to cause chaos/drama.. then people get the wrong impression of me. (I despise it when people judge others based on how "bad" they are, that's not the measure of a person! :dry


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## meridannight (Nov 23, 2012)

superbundle said:


> I also find that when I lack intensity, I get pretty erratic and tend to cause chaos/drama..


i'm sx/sp too, and this is very true. i would describe it as being/feeling 'disoriented', out of place....it might get erratic but that's because under such circumstances i lose focus on things. i don't start acting out, or getting 'dramatic', it's more that i might do things out of the element for me, because i feel disoriented in such a state.

the lack of intensity sustained for a longer period of time -- when that is going on it's like i don't know what to do with myself. the world is out of focus and things get distant, everything only loosely defined.... luckily it doesn't happen much. i can derive intensity from very simple things even, like eating my favorite foods. so most of the time there's always some intensity sustained and that's enough to function normally. but when i lose that, yeah, i become less functional, less healthy overall.


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## sleeper (Aug 26, 2010)

I'm glad this thread exists. It's pretty nice to see posts I relate to and know that quite a few other sx-dom's only rarely find people they connect with in a meaningful way (and that this isn't only a 4 thing I'm cursed with for example.) It's quite the commonplace, ordinary hell really. Accustomed and acclimatized as much as humanly possible, but still painful nonetheless. These aren't the kinds of topics people bring up much IRL or at least in my RL, ha. I don't dare expose myself like this except through art.

What do I struggle most with?
I struggle most with staying rooted in this reality ("my life") that I'm supposed to be cultivating or something (right?). Loss of interest and sense of purpose are preeetty constant. I mean I know what I have to do, but nothing real is here to remind me I mean something to someone in a real, human way. I need to feel it and touch it for fuck's sake. I realize the complexity of human connection and diversity of heart in our species and recoil in terror sometimes. Who are these people? I want to reach someone, link and breathe together, but this ideal experience in my head is disrupted on a daily basis. The more time I spend with people and search for the right ones, the more I see how it just isn't there. The more time alone I spend, the more I run out of air and the harder it is to swim in rising waters. People don't want to let down barriers or... their eyes are wandering... they get boring or... what did I do wrong... they feel suffocated... or I do... I am overwhelmed, please get off me, I don't know what you want, but it feels like you're on autopilot and potentially just using me bc I'm not feeling the connection (I hate that feeling especially). Maintaining inner stability through these experiences is impossible. My internal world is constantly wobbling and shifting balance and so I must adapt. It takes precious time and energy. I am absolutely _not_ reptilian as sx-lasts often feel to me and nonchalant about sx matters like many sx-seconds. I am constantly searching to merge, but it remains hidden. It isn't for just anyone obviously and I can be as cold as ice when I go astray with people I settle for out of loneliness (which is a situation I try and try to avoid altogether, but it's impossible). I conceal my true, vulnerable needs just enough to avoid (most) troubling situations in the outside world, but internally can't bury them enough to feel fulfilled by anything else. Maybe that isn't accurate. Well, lately I've been pouring a lot of time and money into broadcasting myself with an image I find attractive and suiting... It's so shallow and ridiculous, but it makes me feel like I'm "taking care of myself" and maybe drawing some kind of attention or aesthetic appreciation with my presentation. Then I fulfill my need to explore by painting my inner drama with music and film or renting a car when I can afford it to drive to the coast and lay with my cheek pressed into the sand. It's something. It isn't some great adventure, but at least I have my imagination, talent and health. I'm happier alone than feeling caged with someone I don't feel passionate feelings toward or trying to tell myself it's okay that all the wires feel chewed, playing this game of endlessly scrambling to connect them between myself and someone else when it isn't what they truly want. I wish it was easier to be honest with people. I find it difficult just being honest with the friends I do have because the desire to connect trumps the honesty that lies invisibly inside, flooding my body. How could I express how I feel without it sounding ridiculously melodramatic and I'm supposed to be smarter than that. I don't like being vulnerable in the wrong situations... that is the worst feeling. I refuse to jeopardize the few relationships I still have anyway. I'm not always "drowning" of course either, but I seem to have hidden from or driven away most of my friends who didn't fit just right by now. I don't freakin' know. What a weird post. I've been trying to track down my first love which is a bit stupid now that I think about it. I know I'll never find him and it would probably be a rather anticlimactic moment when I saw who he probably is now 10 years later, but these are some of the things I do to keep hope alive and in so doing, myself. Basically, in relationships I don't expect perfection, but do at least expect to be met with the same level of enthusiasm and attention FFS.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

aconite said:


> I have a love-hate relationship with everything. Including myself. I both hate and envy people who are capable of just enjoying their lives, finding happiness in mediocrity.
> 
> Sometimes I just want to tear everything to bloody shreds. And probably myself, afterwards, as there will be nothing left for me to obsess about.


Haha holy shit. That second paragraph is so relatable expect I'd rather burn everything to flames or and watch it all explode like fireworks. As for the love-hate thing, I think it manages to come out more like a weird neutral or meh attitude towards people, despite trying to focus more on the good parts most of the time.


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## superbundle (Nov 29, 2012)

meridannight said:


> i'm sx/sp too, and this is very true. i would describe it as being/feeling 'disoriented', out of place....it might get erratic but that's because under such circumstances i lose focus on things. i don't start acting out, or getting 'dramatic', it's more that i might do things out of the element for me, because i feel disoriented in such a state.
> 
> the lack of intensity sustained for a longer period of time -- when that is going on it's like i don't know what to do with myself. the world is out of focus and things get distant, everything only loosely defined.... luckily it doesn't happen much. i can derive intensity from very simple things even, like eating my favorite foods. so most of the time there's always some intensity sustained and that's enough to function normally. but when i lose that, yeah, i become less functional, less healthy overall.


i like how you described it here, "do things out of the element"

i tend to be dramatic, but I watch out for other people's feelings and make sure I don't offend anyone. But when I feel so deprived of intensity, I pretty much.. Lose touch with myself and I will.. Loosely throw words around. OTL

or well, perhaps the difference in how we act is more with the enneagram types than solely on instinct stackings.
enneagrams describes our means to get our desires created by our instinct stackings.

meh, just thinking out loud.


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## Aluminum Frost (Oct 1, 2017)

I kinda wish I was an SP dom or So dom sometimes. I'm more excitable and charismatic than most IxTx types would be but it can be annoying. I can feel dead inside if I feel unconnected and I feel intense emotions about seemingly nothing a lot of the time.


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## iblameyou (Oct 1, 2016)

My struggle as an SX dom is wanting to connect right away... and my crush is probably an SP which will help me to slow down and appreciate the moments.


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## amongfirstslugs (Jun 23, 2012)

I definitely struggle with desiring intensity to the point that I make unhealthy choices because I thought they were interesting at the time or something.


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## Potatooesunshinerays (Dec 26, 2017)

Nothing is enough haha


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## Dare (Nov 8, 2016)

The struggles that come from operating at a different depth & speed than others. 

Or having urges to -- the mental whisperings: _faster, harder, deeper, more, *more*_.

The rarity of like minds. 

Living life as a pursuit, like a hungry animal. Or drug addict.

What it takes to feel alive, the next high, to be 'one', to touch perfection.

Only to have it torn away -- the come down (peak experiences are ephemeral).

Balancing SX & SP (my secondary instinct doesn't like to be left a mess).

Getting into a satisfying rhythm with life.




Not that I'd have it any other way.


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## ukulele (Jan 3, 2017)

I hate it when it gets on loose (not by my standards), I'm forced to shut it down and it's just lingering inside, not knowing how to light up again.


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

I hate that conversations are often shallow. At the same time I get frustrated with myself for not engaging with people simply for the sake of sociable and friendly. There is value in being sociable, but I never think of it this way even though this can prevent me from getting to know people before deciding my feelings about them. I'm far too selective with any relationship. I only willingly talk to people who I actually feel attracted and drawn to. Unfortunately that is very few people, but when it happens I instantly feel magnetised to them. I'm afraid I come of as too clingy and affectionate to partners or even friends. I take my relationships with individuals very seriously. 

In general, I find myself either utterly obsessed with something or not interested. When I have no close connections or a current obsession (such as a fictional series, a video game, a project to work on) life quickly becomes aimless and I feel dead inside. I soon fall into the downward spiral of depression when this happens. 

Also it's boring when friends are calm and civil around each other. Sometimes I want to have more heated arguments and volatility in our relationship just to get that passion and intensity. I hate casualness and indifference. The people I tend to be drawn to have passion and intensity. I actually like the idea of having a passionate but sometimes heated romantic relationship. I want to experience an emotional range, just to make the relationship more sophisticated and interesting. Most people just seem to light hearted and casual all the time though, that annoying be-positive-all-the-time attitude.


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## Neokortex (May 22, 2015)

sleeper said:


> I'm glad this thread exists. It's pretty nice to see posts I relate to and know that quite a few other sx-dom's only rarely find people they connect with in a meaningful way (and that this isn't only a 4 thing I'm cursed with for example.) It's quite the commonplace, ordinary hell really. Accustomed and acclimatized as much as humanly possible, but still painful nonetheless. These aren't the kinds of topics people bring up much IRL or at least in my RL, ha. I don't dare expose myself like this except through art.
> 
> What do I struggle most with?
> I struggle most with staying rooted in this reality ("my life") that I'm supposed to be cultivating or something (right?). Loss of interest and sense of purpose are preeetty constant. I mean I know what I have to do, but nothing real is here to remind me I mean something to someone in a real, human way. I need to feel it and touch it for fuck's sake. I realize the complexity of human connection and diversity of heart in our species and recoil in terror sometimes. Who are these people? I want to reach someone, link and breathe together, but this ideal experience in my head is disrupted on a daily basis. The more time I spend with people and search for the right ones, the more I see how it just isn't there. The more time alone I spend, the more I run out of air and the harder it is to swim in rising waters. People don't want to let down barriers or... their eyes are wandering... they get boring or... what did I do wrong... they feel suffocated... or I do... I am overwhelmed, please get off me, I don't know what you want, but it feels like you're on autopilot and potentially just using me bc I'm not feeling the connection (I hate that feeling especially). Maintaining inner stability through these experiences is impossible. My internal world is constantly wobbling and shifting balance and so I must adapt. It takes precious time and energy. *I am absolutely not reptilian as sx-lasts often feel to me and nonchalant about sx matters like many sx-seconds.* I am constantly searching to merge, but it remains hidden. It isn't for just anyone obviously and I can be as cold as ice when I go astray with people I settle for out of loneliness (which is a situation I try and try to avoid altogether, but it's impossible). I conceal my true, vulnerable needs just enough to avoid (most) troubling situations in the outside world, but internally can't bury them enough to feel fulfilled by anything else. Maybe that isn't accurate. Well, lately I've been pouring a lot of time and money into broadcasting myself with an image I find attractive and suiting... It's so shallow and ridiculous, but it makes me feel like I'm "taking care of myself" and maybe drawing some kind of attention or aesthetic appreciation with my presentation. Then I fulfill my need to explore by painting my inner drama with music and film or renting a car when I can afford it to drive to the coast and lay with my cheek pressed into the sand. It's something. It isn't some great adventure, but at least I have my imagination, talent and health. I'm happier alone than feeling caged with someone I don't feel passionate feelings toward or trying to tell myself it's okay that all the wires feel chewed, playing this game of endlessly scrambling to connect them between myself and someone else when it isn't what they truly want. I wish it was easier to be honest with people. I find it difficult just being honest with the friends I do have because the desire to connect trumps the honesty that lies invisibly inside, flooding my body. How could I express how I feel without it sounding ridiculously melodramatic and I'm supposed to be smarter than that. I don't like being vulnerable in the wrong situations... that is the worst feeling. I refuse to jeopardize the few relationships I still have anyway. I'm not always "drowning" of course either, but I seem to have hidden from or driven away most of my friends who didn't fit just right by now. I don't freakin' know. What a weird post. I've been trying to track down my first love which is a bit stupid now that I think about it. I know I'll never find him and it would probably be a rather anticlimactic moment when I saw who he probably is now 10 years later, but these are some of the things I do to keep hope alive and in so doing, myself. Basically, in relationships I don't expect perfection, but do at least expect to be met with the same level of enthusiasm and attention FFS.


That's why we love old posts, right? It's as if somewhere along the middle of the 2010s a shift had taken place where the more knowledgeable, more adult members of the forum where exchanged to immature, uneducated Z generation uppities. People, yo, look at this dude, this is the most honest you can get. Ideally there's more than that, but this man suffers and he is not hiding it. How come the new members never seem to get close to this type of self-relating? This is what typology supposed to be about, your pains, your struggle, your sorrow, not just "what are 3 tips on how to improve..." blablablah. Kitty cats and rainbow ponies.

People out there suffocate in silent desperation. Because of technology. Because of post-colonial welfare. Because of their narcissistic egos and their well adjusted socialization skills. Because all it takes is a little bit of networking, keeping up with the zeitgeist, the trends, the looks, the attitude and you can make some friends. Whereas the real people, the silent minority, the oppressed but hidden values, want to look for alternatives, and now all they find is that they have become mainstream. We wanted the help of typology to deliver us from our own untrendy idiosyncrasies, to find someone matching, yet all we get is a forum with a bunch of snowflakes and dilettantes. And frustrated moderators. Man, I wish I saw the end of the tunnel...


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## Neokortex (May 22, 2015)

Chipps said:


> Well from what I know about Sx doms they seem to struggle with their need for intensity or need for an outlet of intensity. I know all aren't always looking for a significant other and they put their energy into other things, but I'd honestly hate to always have that intensity. I mean, I have sx second and I can definitely have intensity especially when I'm close to other people, but other wise, I'm good. I'm a little house cat napping in the sun. I'm usually on energy conservation mode. Also it seems like the huge downside to Sx firsts especially when unhealthy is impulsive behaviors that they later regret. Not say all do this, but I've noticed the "I've done some stupid things in the past just for that spark that I'm not proud of....." coming from a lot of Sx firsts. See, I never want those words to cross my lips. I pride myself in not being like that, though I can say it comes easy to me. I'm not exactly fighting my nature, I'm accepting it.
> 
> *I feel like Sx firsts are often attempting to temper themselves down since they can be too much for the So/sp and sp/so clans which are quite populous.* I, as a Sx second, don't care much for them myself either since I find them to be too much and it doesnt appeal to by boundaries. I see Sp/sx as a slow burning fire that can ignite at any minute and Sx first as a raging fire that needs to be tempered and kept under control or else it will get out of control. Lol, i'm making you all sound like wild animals.
> 
> Anyway, I every time I've read about Sx firsts they always seem to be in need some thing. Shit, all i need is food, water a computer and a comfortable bed and I'd be set for weeks :laughing:. I do feel the pang of Sx from time to time, but it doesnt last too long and I'm back to napping in the shade. I feel like I have an off switch and I'm content being off. Sx firsts are like toys that continue to make noise after the batteries have been removed. :laughing:


Urgggghh. True dat.
Man I'd be getting more work done if I wasn't this as much scattered by having to rush for the next high. We're really going to die poor out on the streets one day.
bolded: maybe even for the Sx seconds. I like Garfields, though, furry fat and napping in the sun. XDDD


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