# Are we most attracted to people of the enneagram types of our wings, and...?



## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

My tritype is tentative but the 7w6 may actually be 7w8. 

If so, it's an odd coincidence that three of the enneagram types to which I find myself most attracted in others are the three types of my wings...5, 8, and 1. And the attraction is stronger if they have one or two of my main types {4, 7, and 9) somewhere in their tritype.

Just wondering if others find this true as well ~ attraction to people who have one of your wing types as their core type, as well as any of your types in their tritype...and, if so, what you belleve is the reason why...

Someone else mentioned a potential correlation between the wings and attraction in a thread last year...and that idea was intriguing....but I think it's more than just that, including shared types as well...


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

You can see my type in my sig, but I really haven't noticed any correlation between people in my life and their Enneagram types. I know one 8 I find to be borderline abusive, and another 8 I work with is one of the people I admire most in the world for her compassion, patience, caring, understanding, and complete genuine character - they couldn't be more different. I have a lot of 6's in my life, but 6 is also the most common type. The only 4 in my personal life is my brother. I think the only thing I would say is I'm more typically drawn to withdrawn types, but that doesn't necessarily mean the classically withdrawn types (4, 5, 9 - my tritype) but people who are more withdrawn in general, which in my circle also includes a 1 and 2. 

Enneagram only describes motivations, not beliefs or even necessarily the kind of person someone will be, especially with such a range when you include instincts, their wings, and levels of integration and disintegration - I can't say I've noticed any patterns in who I'm attracted to.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

I have very little information on this issue in general but I'm 7w6 and my SO is 6w7 and we seem to be a great match - but of course other issues than our Enneagram types do contribute! Anyway, I think we balance each other perfectly; he makes my life more balanced and I bring more positivity, spirit of adventure and joy in his life.


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## madhatter (May 30, 2010)

I don't know. I'm more drawn to assertive types to be honest. Depends on the type 6 too. My brother is type 6, and we're really close, but I couldn't see myself being in a romantic relationship with one. Maybe a cp6. My brother is an average phobic 6, and we spend too much time together, and he drives me crazy to say the least. The constant push-pull of the 6 can be very wearying.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I'm a 6w7 (though many would say 6w5) -- I quite possibly have balanced wings. 
I'm mostly drawn to 5s and 1s. 5s mostly, 1s a bit.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Hmmm ... personally, I recently realized that I'm a 3w4. 

I'm not attracted to 2's for the most part. I'm quite self-reliant and don't like to depend on someone [financially or even emotionally - but that's changing] whereas 2's generally expect dependency from their partners to feel fulfilled. Even if I'm dependent on someone, I have a very hard time expressing that dependence on them, and find ways to assert my independence. 

I'm not romantically attracted to 4's, but I find that they make great friends. I like to be a "rescuer" and generally 4's appreciate being 'rescued' even if temporarily. It works great as a friendship. As a whole --- I may not be able to make a relationship with a 4 work in the long term. 

I love 9's. [Maybe a little bias 'cuz @Etherea is a 9]. She has a way of calming me down --- slowing me down a little. When my emotions are raging and my thoughts of self-doubt creep up ... her patience and acceptance acts as an unbreakable fortress. I've rarely overwhelmed her with my emotions ... and she helps me relax a little. 

I know that in the future when I am employed again, I will probably fall back into my tendency to over-work myself. I have a feeling that she will get me to work at a normal pace instead.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

Hmm...I'm a 5w6, 8w9, 3w2 married to a 6w7, 1w9, 3w2.


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## Jewl (Feb 28, 2012)

I like consistency, stability, and protection. A seriously phobic Six here. ^^ I find Nines wonderful. Something attractive there. I'm not certain about the other types, really. I just know somebody with level emotions, calm, not-worrying... that would be wonderful.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

I don't think I can draw really close to a 4; I've known a few people I've suspected to be 4's in my life; for some reason we never really became close. It might depend on the enneagram of the person, though....if they draw close to the people with they're wing type, that is.
I find I don't get too close to 5's in my experience either, mostly just intellectual repartee, but conversations often feel like they lack emotional openness to me. I don't really know any 1's but based on the description, it doesn't look like a type I'd grow very close to either, but it probably depends on the mbti type as well. 1's strike me as possibly being more likely to pick up on my mistakes, especially if they're not in a good mood; I can be extremely sensitive to the nitpicky kind of criticism. 
The people I usually draw close to, are mostly 6's, and 2's, sometimes 7's, so I guess I like types that aren't in my tritype. I think my thing, is I'm very reserved, so I like 6's because they're usually very loyal friends, and I feel the need to have dependable people in my life; 2's because I find they draw me out; I find the enthusiasm of 7's pretty contagious, and they kind of bring out my more adventurous side and get my out of the house more.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

I don't think so. My wing is 8, but I've never felt drawn to Eights (and vice versa). It's been mostly Fours and Threes, I believe, but I don't know whether it's a matter of my tritype or not.


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## Wake (Aug 31, 2009)

Nope, wings haven't shown any sort of connection in terms of attraction.


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

seastallion said:


> My tritype is tentative but the 7w6 may actually be 7w8.
> 
> If so, it's an odd coincidence that three of the enneagram types to which I find myself most attracted in others are the three types of my wings...5, 8, and 1. And the attraction is stronger if they have one or two of my main types {4, 7, and 9) somewhere in their tritype.
> 
> ...


Interesting idea... in my case, it's the other way around; in real life, eights tend to be drawn to me, not the other way around. I find eights to be one of the easiest types to notice, though; 7s and 8s stick out quite clearly to me. I do find eights quite fascinating in person, though, more so than anyone else I know, so perhaps there's credence to your theory.


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

I believe it's just a combination of things. The whole tri-type in addition to their mbti type. I don't believe it is so simple though I do like 2's but what is not to like about them? I try to like most people. Hard to like mean people though. I am married to an ENFJ 6w7, 2w1, 1w9 and sometimes I would tell him I felt like he was the male version of myself (this was before I knew his mbti/enneagram). So for me, I guess I'm attracted to people who are similar to myself? lol That sounds awfully vain. There are just so many variables. Some people are attracted to their opposite. I feel like we are similar but complement each other in all the right areas. So, as it is with most things, it depends on the person


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I know I am often attracted to 3s & 5s (and I'm a 4w5). 

There is some study out there (if I remember it correctly) which shows people are very likely to marry along the line of integration, but no strong preference was shown for wings when choosing a marriage mate. 

I found that interesting, but I personally don't find myself drawn to 1s & 2s for romances. I also don't have that draw to 9s like many 4s supposedly have (4+9 couples are rather common I guess).


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Not necessarily attracted but I think people have more of an understanding with those who are of same type, have a wing into their type or wing, or whose types are on their path of integration or disintegration.

My type is 1w9 and I feel that I have most understanding with 1s, 9s, 4w3s, 3w4s, 7w6s, and 6w7s. I find it more difficult to relate to 2s, 5s, and 8s, simply because I have never been there myself where they are at. There are too few lines connecting us. Their inner emotional world, their fixations, their releases, their transformations, their goals and aspirations seem more foreign to me.

Because we prefer to associate with those who are familiar to us on some level, those whom we can understand and those who can understand us, it is quite likely that types gravitate towards similar types as well as those who are on their integration and disintegration path.



OrangeAppled said:


> There is some study out there (if I remember it correctly) which shows people are very likely to marry along the line of integration, but no strong preference was shown for wings when choosing a marriage mate.


yep, this one: http://www.9types.com/writeup/enneagram_marriages.html


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

I've met too many self-righteous Ones to say I'm naturally attracted to them. I tried to be attracted to an unhealthy One out of a kind of pity (she had a crush on me), but it didn't work out.

I think I'm attracted to Threes, though. And Sevens. Fours, too.

And I do happen to be attracted to another One, but not because she's a One... In fact, the Oneness makes me have second thoughts with her.

One are great people, just never discuss anything that gets them morally touchy. I actually would not recommend Type 1 for a Type 9, because of the worst-case scenario:

Ones will get angry at you if they see anything that doesn't live up to their standards.
Nines respond with a passive, boiling anger since the One is clearly starting conflict over something miniscule. Nines biggest pet peeve is someone who starts conflict for no good reason.
Generally, the Nines disengage and try to forgive and forget. Ones keep on pushing. Both get frustrated with the other.
Nine generally blows up at the One after a while, having exhausted any capacity for patience.


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## Stan the Woz (Apr 10, 2012)

I don't know the enneagram type of most of the people I've been attracted to. If I had to guess on the typing, though, I don't see any strong connection.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

I am a 5w6 and I am quite taken with a 6w5. I know having this type alone is not enough, but I think it helps. I feel that she is able to understand and (hopefully) appreciate my more abstract, intellectual view of things because of her 5 wing. Meanwhile I know that my 6 wing helps me to understand her wariness and overriding need for stability. I think this shared type is at least one factor that makes her easy to understand and relate to, something that I as a 5 can really never find elsewhere.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Julia Bell said:


> I like consistency, stability, and protection. A seriously phobic Six here. ^^ I find Nines wonderful. Something attractive there. I'm not certain about the other types, really. I just know somebody with level emotions, calm, not-worrying... that would be wonderful.


Yeah same here ^^. o.o not all that phobic thou, hmm a bit of counterphobe in me...which can be problematic at times. 9s really do seem like a pleasure to be around imo. Someone who isn't worrying like I do, someone who can see a silver lining . 9s are also one of the other most common types.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

cyamitide said:


> Because we prefer to associate with those who are familiar to us on some level, those whom we can understand and those who can understand us, it is quite likely that types gravitate towards similar types as well as those who are on their integration and disintegration path.
> 
> yep, this one: Demographics


Oh, thank you! That was very interesting... I'll paste the major findings here for the lazy ones 


_*Major findings:* 

1. Marriage patterns are not random. For example, of all female 8s, 37% of them married male 9s, even though only 19% of all men were 9s. There are a lot of such pairings that happen at far above chance levels.

2. Same-type marriages are rare, occurring _ _two times less often than expected by chance. "Birds of a feather" may flock together as friends, but apparently not in marriage. An interesting exception appears to be double-4 marriages, the only double-type pair to occur __more often than chance (it is only 1/2 standard deviation above chance, so it is not colored in the above table). 

3. Men and women choose very different personalities for their mates. Male 9s with female 4s are common (16 couples), while male 4s with female 9s are extremely rare (2 couples). Female 8s preferred male 9s, whereas Male 8s preferred 2s and 6s. _ _

4. People marry along a line of integration 38% more often than chance. For example, 7-1 and 3-6 marriages were common, as were male 2s-female 4s, male 3s-female 9s, and several other such combinations. _ _

5. "Gut" types (8, 9, and 1) neither preferred nor avoided other "gut" types, and the same was true for heart and thinking types. _ _

6. Although people avoided marrying their own types, they did not show any avoidance of adjacent (wing) types. A preference for wing types was not seen either. _ _

7. The 6 most common type pairings are: _ _

18 pairs: male 8, female 2 _ _
16 pairs: male 9, female 4 
15 pairs: male 6, female 2 
15 pairs: male 9, female 1 
14 pairs: male 5, female 1 
14 pairs: male 6, female 9 

It is notable that 9+4 marriages were among the most common, given the reputation of this combination for stormy volatility. It should be noticed that this list is ranked purely by numerical counts, not by its frequency relative to chance. Hence, it is skewed toward the more common types (9s and 6s)._


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

based on the majority of posts here, and the study just referenced, it seems clear that the answer to my question is "no" . thank you all for your input!!


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## unico (Feb 3, 2011)

I'm a 4w3-6w7-9w1 and my SO is a 1w2. I tend to be attracted to 9's.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@Jawz
That's a negative generalization about 2s. 2s don't need people to be financially dependent on them, unless they're very unhealthy or just grossly impractical. 2s like to feel needed, emotionally. And that too isn't an exclusively 2 need. 

________

General remarks: 

Anyway, I am noticing a crap load of negative stereotyping about 2s and 1s; I always knew that 6 was a convenient scapegoat. I'll have to remedy this knee-jerk repulsion to superego types once I am back home and have time to form a cogent and insightful post busting negative characterizations of 1s and 2s. LOL. Gawd. Clear one fixers would rather be "9w8" fixers or even 8w9 fixers (right after waxing eloquent about moral purity and sprinkling their posts with a ton of superego laden messages) because zomg all ones/ one fixers are these staid, pushy, rigid moral crusaders with sticks up their butts. 2s..Oh Lord. Those dependent, manipulative, needy, psychotic, possessive, passive aggressive 2s! Nobody wants a 2 fix! or heck even a 2 wing on their fix! People would much rather be 3s/4s even when these fixations have no bearing on them whatsoever. *shakes head*


_________


OP, I don't think there's a correlation between wing/tritype and attraction. I find 1s, 6s (Esp. 6w5),grounded usually sp first 7s, 3w2s and 8w9s attractive. I am least attracted to 4s. 9w1s and 5s.


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## AngelOnHerFlight (Feb 26, 2012)

Well, my basic type is 4w5 and I find Fives to be extremely attractive. I'm a 9w8 in the instinctive center and I find Eights to be attractive. I don't really get along with Eights; I'm just drawn to Eights.


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## GaudiyaVaisnavi (May 13, 2012)

Too bad you've already concluded that this idea is wrong, because I found it very interesting! I'm a 9w1 (9-4-5 tritype) and I found myself magnetically attracted to my husband from the moment I first met him, and he's a 1w2 (most likely 1-6-3 tritype). He's always been less attracted to me than I was to him; it was my mother (a 2!) that he was really drawn to and developed a close relationship with first out of all my family members, although obviously not for romantic purposes. And I think one of my best friends is a 9-4-6, and she had a similar experience with immediate attraction between herself and her husband (it was more mutual in their case), who seems to me like a 5-8-3. This means that both in my marital relationship and hers (if I've typed everyone correctly), there were THREE possible points for wing/type overlap between spouses. This would really be just about attraction and not compatibility, though, as both of our marriages have now fallen apart. 

Anyway, thanks for raising an interesting question!


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

GaudiyaVaisnavi said:


> Too bad you've already concluded that this idea is wrong, because I found it very interesting! I'm a 9w1 (9-4-5 tritype) and I found myself magnetically attracted to my husband from the moment I first met him, and he's a 1w2 (most likely 1-6-3 tritype).


Wow, almost like my parents. My mother is a 9w1 (most probably 9-2-5, I think) and my father is a 1w2 (1-6-3 as well IMO).


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

If attraction is your question, look at the Instinct Variant Stackings.


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## 543222187 (Apr 4, 2012)

....don't know my type but i'm attracted to 3s 7s 8s 6s and 9w8s....my life feels quite boring; i like the excitement i feel some of those types portray...


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## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

For me, I don't think this theory applies as I find myself attracted to 5s, 7s, and 8s the most. I guess I'm attracted to my own kind, my point of disintegration as a 5, and my point of integration as a 5. Strange...but makes some sense to me and that's all that matters! 

Oh, but I must say, I do like 9s, too, but who doesn't? 9 is part of my tritype btw.


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## GaudiyaVaisnavi (May 13, 2012)

aconite said:


> Wow, almost like my parents. My mother is a 9w1 (most probably 9-2-5, I think) and my father is a 1w2 (1-6-3 as well IMO).


Are they still together? I wouldn't be surprised if they fared better together than my husband and I did, since your mother's 2 fix would fit well with your dad's 2 wing...

Was their attraction to each other mutual, or nonexistent in your memory, or did it go more from one of them toward the other than vice-versa? If either of them did continue to feel love/attraction for the other, did it help them to overlook the other's "faults" and see the other as dear and lovable anyway, or did they annoy each other a lot?

Do you know anything about the wings on their other fixes?


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## GaudiyaVaisnavi (May 13, 2012)

Bumblyjack said:


> If attraction is your question, look at the Instinct Variant Stackings.


Thanks for the hint! Can you tell me (or link an article that explains) which stackings are attracted to which?


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

I'm attracted to sluts and interesting, weird girls.


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

GaudiyaVaisnavi said:


> Thanks for the hint! Can you tell me (or link an article that explains) which stackings are attracted to which?


Take a look at this article on instinct stackings. It has a lot of background information, but near the end it has a section called "Flow of Instinctual Energies & Compatibility" describes two different groups of instinctual types. One is made up of Sx/So, So/Sp, and Sp/Sx. The other consists of Sx/Sp, Sp/So, and So/Sx. This has a hand in attraction because the types related to yours have an energy that "feels right" while the others feel wrong and off-putting. (Note: I'm only talking about attraction and not compatibility. I'm also aware that many other factors come into play in attraction, but when all other things are equal instinct stackings have a significant impact on attraction.)

instinct variant attraction:
- remember the two groups: Sx/So, So/Sp, Sp/Sx group and Sx/Sp, Sp/So, So/Sx group
- most attractive: own type & other two types in your same group
- sexual-first type in your group might be the most attractive (b/c strong energy)
- both attractive & repulsive: shares your first instinct not second (other group)
- unattractive: other two in the other group



ex. So/Sp
most attractive: So/Sp, Sx/So, Sp/Sx
both attractive & repulsive: So/Sx
unattractive: Sx/Sp & Sp/So


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

Bumblyjack said:


> ...


That's odd. Pretty damn sure the fanfic writer I had a thing for is sx/sp (according to them anyway).

How much does intensity and skill in writing style count towards behaviour? ;P


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

Jiktin said:


> That's odd. Pretty damn sure the fanfic writer I had a thing for is sx/sp (according to them anyway).
> 
> How much does intensity and skill in writing style count towards behaviour? ;P


I was talking about about face-to-face interactions and how the different variants' energies interact. In person (and all other factors influencing attraction being equal), an Sp/Sx would likely find an Sx/Sp anywhere from a combination of attractive and repulsive to just plain repulsive. It's a push-and-pull attraction dynamic between these two types. If their strong sexual energy appeals to your desire for intensity (which is likely heightened in a 7w8 compared to some other Sp/Sx types) then maybe the pull of attraction is a lot stronger than the push of repulsion.

As for writing, here's an interesting discussion of different writing styles of the instinct variants. I'm not sure about writing style attraction, but I know that one type whose energy I find attractive in person (So/Sx) doesn't really appeal to me at all in writing.


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

Bumblyjack said:


> I was talking about about face-to-face interactions and how the different variants' energies interact. In person (and all other factors influencing attraction being equal), an Sp/Sx would likely find an Sx/Sp anywhere from a combination of attractive and repulsive to just plain repulsive. It's a push-and-pull attraction dynamic between these two types. If their strong sexual energy appeals to your desire for intensity (which is likely heightened in a 7w8 compared to some other Sp/Sx types) then maybe the pull of attraction is a lot stronger than the push of repulsion.
> 
> As for writing, here's an interesting discussion of different writing styles of the instinct variants. I'm not sure about writing style attraction, but I know that one type whose energy I find attractive in person (So/Sx) doesn't really appeal to me at all in writing.


Oic. Stacking & attraction theory's intriguing. Got another thread on it somewhere or should I start one to beg for examples?


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

I like 8's mostly. 9w8 is one of my tri types if that puts anything valuable towards this.


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

Jiktin said:


> Oic. Stacking & attraction theory's intriguing. Got another thread on it somewhere or should I start one to beg for examples?


I've been thinking about making two instinct variant threads for a little while now: 1. Instinct Variant Self-Typing Guide 2. Instinct Variant Relations. I've already made a typing guide that is probably ready to go but the relations one may take a little work. Anyways, the interactions are a bit more complex than the general descriptions I gave you. I'm busy at the moment but I'll get back to you.


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

Bumblyjack said:


> I've been thinking about making two instinct variant threads for a little while now: 1. Instinct Variant Self-Typing Guide 2. Instinct Variant Relations. I've already made a typing guide that is probably ready to go but the relations one may take a little work. Anyways, the interactions are a bit more complex than the general descriptions I gave you. I'm busy at the moment but I'll get back to you.


those threads will be awesome. 

you helped me so much and figured out my instinctual variants...i know anything you write will be very helpful for others as well.


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## Sayonara (May 11, 2012)

I have trouble connecting with those as my wing type (1), at least on a deeper level. There's just too much nitpicking as a whole going on, and not just from their end. I don't feel very appreciated and that's a huge thing with me. I have one as a beta reader though, and be damned she is an absolute godsend, as her nitpicking comes in real handy and she's a real nice person. I love working with her. <3

My tritype tho, I admit I like 7s, and 9s. I also like 6s and 4s. (my current partner is a 4w3, my ex was a 9w8) I also don't mind 3s...being around a 3w4 for the past four years has been inspiring to say the least. She is a gifted, ambitious cartoonist and she literally embodies the "if you can put your mind to it, you can do anything" quote. I had a mad crush on her for a while lol.

I don't think I've ever connected with a 5 ever, (most seem too detached to me and I find myself wanting more emotional connection) and 8s, even if I respect them, tend to scare me and so I give them their space as to escape being stepped on (if i can) One of my bosses was an 8...let's just say I wasn't there long!


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