# I give up on infj roommate



## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

She has emotionally drained me so much that I've literally changed mbti from enfp to entp because I can't handle emotions anymore. Her manipulative, deceitful, 57243 different personalities, 24/7 drunk, chimney smoking, holier than thou, double standardized hypocritical ways have broken my character. I admit it. She won. As long as I can get rid of the negative blah that brings me down, I'll gladly take the loss. 

I don't know why, but I trusted her more than I trusted anyone, and as of recently I realize its all a manipulative act. And now EVERYTIME she texts me, she calls me "love", and it angers me so much! I don't need to hear fake ass shit like that- I don't like hearing it anyway, but when it's fake, it infuriates me!! Ugh she's the only infj I know, but I know I'm going to be really jade if I ever cross another. 

I post this in hopes of possibly getting insight to a positive aspect, but I warn you, I will put up a fight if I've seen it before and it annoys me. But I genuinely don't want to hate anyone, and im pretty damn close.


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## Thomas60 (Aug 7, 2011)

You might find it goes back to ENFP when you leave shared housing, stress causes us to behave differently but it can go away.
Some here profess mbti doesn't really change. I can't say.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

Yeah, you still sound like an ENFP. Fi rage at the (perceived) Fe insincerity thing, for one. And being drained by dealing with way too much of others' emotions isn't the same as losing your own emotional nature.

Also, this INFJ sounds like an unhealthy alcoholic bitch. Many INFJs are not alcoholics. Some of them are still assholes, but not all.

I hope things get better and you start feeling like yourself again.


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## day_dreamer (Nov 8, 2010)

Ignore her, leave the room if possible. For ENXPs, it is better if they keep themselves away from the source of stress in order to recuperate from what they have undergone. You are a human, experiencing pain has nothing to do with being an NT or NF. Its just the way we deal with it. State it on her face about what you feel and what she has done to you, so that in case if you have any misunderstandings it will clear.


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## Istbkleta (Apr 30, 2011)

jessmk7 said:


> She has emotionally drained me so much that I've literally changed mbti from enfp to entp because I can't handle emotions anymore. Her manipulative, deceitful, 57243 different personalities, 24/7 drunk, chimney smoking, holier than thou, double standardized hypocritical ways have broken my character. I admit it. She won. As long as I can get rid of the negative blah that brings me down, I'll gladly take the loss.
> 
> I don't know why, but I trusted her more than I trusted anyone, and as of recently I realize its all a manipulative act. And now EVERYTIME she texts me, she calls me "love", and it angers me so much! I don't need to hear fake ass shit like that- I don't like hearing it anyway, but when it's fake, it infuriates me!! Ugh she's the only infj I know, but I know I'm going to be really jade if I ever cross another.
> 
> I post this in hopes of possibly getting insight to a positive aspect, but I warn you, I will put up a fight if I've seen it before and it annoys me. But I genuinely don't want to hate anyone, and im pretty damn close.


You are doing fine and your reaction is perfectly normal. You are pretty great and should spend more effort on hanging out with people who appreciate you. I know you want things to work out with her and she probably does too deep down but maybe she is going through a period of self discovery and needs more space to explore her inner world. The important thing is you are amazing, independent and sexy young lady with a bright future.

Now please change back to an ENFP and spread love and happiness.


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

Thank you so much for all responses. 

I will change my type back. For now. I do not like using Fe, haha... I seem to only use it when I do have rage, and it's not pretty. 

I will take into consideration what everyone has said- I appreciate the logic it showed, instead of the feeling aspect that I guess I obviously haven't shaken if it upsets me this much. We move out on the 27th, so I'm looking forward to taking, at the very least, a break from her. 

Hopefully she will take that space (she's moving in with an older lady that she just met who's only home 2 days a week) to really reflect. We've talked about how she needs that introverted space to reflect, but she doesn't like to not be around me if I'm home, and it might have more of an effect on her character than either of us realize. 

I do still want the best for her, but if she doesn't stop fighting fixing her weaknesses, I don't see how a friendship will work between us. I'm normally and naturally WAY too in tune to other people and it affecting me. Not something I'm proud of, but something I'm learning to accept. I'll grow from the realization once I'm out of this situation, since right now I just can't deal with it being in my face. I'm such an introverted extrovert lol. 

Thanks!!!


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

ps.... my friend took the test under my account yesterday... I need to change my signature b/c that personality chart is not mine haha


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

Ok, fixed. Now back to work. Hope you are all having as productive of a day as I am! 

edit: fml, it didn't fix. I give up on this for now too.


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

Your post is much appreciated. One question, I'm not sure I understand what you mean by the "Fi rage (something something) perceived Fe insincerity" part. Care to enlighten me?


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## Black Rabbit (Apr 15, 2010)

Were you looking for a positive aspect on your roommate or INFJ's?

I have an ENFP roommate who also has strong disdain towards my ISTJ roommate. I'm good friends with the ENFP and sometimes serve as a diplomatic peace keeper between the two.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

jessmk7 said:


> Your post is much appreciated. One question, I'm not sure I understand what you mean by the "Fi rage (something something) perceived Fe insincerity" part. Care to enlighten me?


Fi and Fe express emotion differently, obviously, one main difference being that Fi is very personal and intense & Fe wants to connect and share, and values expression, external gestures of emotion, persuasion, all that. Calling people 'love' or whatever, little friendly, sometimes tactful things that are expressed in order to smooth things over rather than because there is, necessarily, feeling behind it. The feeling is more connected to how the they want interaction to go than having to feel love to call someone love and so on and, beyond a certain point, it will start to look false to Fi, even Fi-users who generally like tact, pet names, yada. Fe-ers know how to operate on the surface level so much so that Fi can think there is nothing beneath that.... does that make sense?


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

Yes, very much so, thank you. I will probably be pondering this all day.


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

Oh man, that's the type I've spent most of my life trying to understand. 

I guess I'm looking for both, when it comes down to it. I care about my roommate in that she's been a very big part of my life the past three years, personality aside. But my frustration, I believe, may just be so subjective and I wanted to put a label on that type as a whole, which wasn't fair and I realize she's just very unhealthy, it doesn't matter what type a person is, if they're unhealthy I can't generalize everyone else for one person. Yadayadaya...

Istj's though... Ha! I'm on the brink of a theoretical enlightenment with them. Not there quite yet, but I can feel it's close. My sister is an istj, and we have never gotten along. I bet you're like my mom in between the enfp and istj- and I wish you the best in that because it's not something my mom loves. We have recently been able to handle, and even enjoy, each others company in small bits. Good luck though, they're not siblings 

So much learning, I love PerC.


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## Gracie (Dec 13, 2009)

Your housemate sounds insane. I'm also INFJ, and TBH it sounds like I would have throttled her a long time ago. INFJs, when unhealthy, can indeed be manipulative, but please bear in mind that a very emotionally unstable person, of *any* MBTI type, will be difficult to get along with. She may even have a personality disorder. I have met ISFPs, INTPs, and ENFJs of varying levels of batshit-nuttery who would embody many of the traits you described. The problem with being cogniscent of MBTI types and their impact on our overall behaviour is that when we encounter someone of a specific type who is antisocial, we can mistakenly attribute all of this to their type, when it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. Like I say, someone who is that self-absorbed and unhealthy, regardless of their four-letter personality type, will be impossible to have a healthy relationship with.

It sounds like you need to get the hell out of there and never go back. I've had bad housemates of varying types, and TBH the only appropriate response is just to leave and cut them out of your life :-/ I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this, though. It's very stressful, I know.


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## Katmandu (Jul 27, 2011)

I keep hearing INFJs can be manipulative, but I haven't seen it yet. I wonder if this is because I'm being manipulated and don't see the strings? Probably not; I'm just paranoid. Still, now I may end up second-guessing all of her intentions. I just need to calm down. I mean, she's a good person and wouldn't do something like that. But what if she's just deceived me into just thinking she's a good person?

I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'll wear my tinfoil cap and avoid drinking fluoride in the meantime.


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

Katmandu said:


> I keep hearing INFJs can be manipulative, but I haven't seen it yet. I wonder if this is because I'm being manipulated and don't see the strings? Probably not; I'm just paranoid. Still, now I may end up second-guessing all of her intentions. I just need to calm down. I mean, she's a good person and wouldn't do something like that. But what if she's just deceived me into just thinking she's a good person?
> 
> I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'll wear my tinfoil cap and avoid drinking fluoride in the meantime.


Hahaha I'm laughing out loud for sure. Definitely stay away from the fluoride in any case. I wouldn't assume the worst though until you experience anything of the nature. Just because some of a type use it to deceive, definitely doesn't mean they all do. 

If that were the case, no one could trust anyone. And that's no fun!


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## Intricate Mystic (Apr 3, 2010)

Katmandu said:


> I keep hearing INFJs can be manipulative, but I haven't seen it yet. I wonder if this is because I'm being manipulated and don't see the strings? Probably not; I'm just paranoid. Still, now I may end up second-guessing all of her intentions. I just need to calm down. I mean, she's a good person and wouldn't do something like that. But what if she's just deceived me into just thinking she's a good person?
> 
> I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'll wear my tinfoil cap and avoid drinking fluoride in the meantime.


Well, hopefully she isn't being manipulative towards you. However, I must admit that while I tried to avoid doing that to my IxTP ex-husband, the few times I did find it necessary.... it was like taking candy from a baby. I think INTPs have a blind spot for INFJ manipulation.


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## Katmandu (Jul 27, 2011)

Intricate Mystic said:


> Well, hopefully she isn't being manipulative towards you. However, I must admit that while I tried to avoid doing that to my IxTP ex-husband, the few times I did find it necessary.... it was like taking candy from a baby. I think INTPs have a blind spot for INFJ manipulation.


I didn't sleep last night and ended up pulling an all-nighter. I'm not sure I'm going to sleep tonight, either. I should have known better than to get involved with a conniving INFJ. ;_;

She probably won't ruin me so long as I don't wrong her… right?


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## Intricate Mystic (Apr 3, 2010)

Katmandu said:


> I didn't sleep last night and ended up pulling an all-nighter. I'm not sure I'm going to sleep tonight, either. I should have known better than to get involved with a conniving INFJ. ;_;
> 
> She probably won't ruin me so long as I don't wrong her… right?


Oh, dear, sorry about that! In a good-hearted INFJ, manipulation would probably only come into play if there was a large power differential between the INFJ and INTP (i.e. the INTP was in the more powerful position). It would be an unhealthy means of gaining some power in the relationship. I would imagine in healthy, fairly equal INFJ-INTP relationships manipulation doesn't get used (much). 

If she loves you she will most likely be kind, sweet, compassionate, and overall quite wonderful. *cues release of butterflies, white doves, and rainbows*


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## Katmandu (Jul 27, 2011)

Intricate Mystic said:


> Oh, dear, sorry about that! In a good-hearted INFJ, manipulation would probably only come into play if there was a large power differential between the INFJ and INTP (i.e. the INTP was in the more powerful position). It would be an unhealthy means of gaining some power in the relationship. I would imagine in healthy, fairly equal INFJ-INTP relationships manipulation doesn't get used (much).
> 
> If she loves you she will most likely be kind, sweet, compassionate, and overall quite wonderful. *cues release of butterflies, white doves, and rainbows*


I was joking when I said INFJs were conniving. But I also have to admit that I _do_ get paranoid sometimes. I mean, if she didn't really share my feelings and was just stringing me along the whole time, it would be like my worst nightmare. I probably shouldn't always think the worst.


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