# I am trapped.



## phoelomek (Nov 28, 2010)

Like there is no good outcome possible. That I am incapable of doing anything – much less correctly. The forms of escape/release I engaged in before, that provided a safe and comfortable place from which to think about how to fix my problems, have been closed off. I can’t run to, or rely on, internal or external sources. I can’t trust anything. It feels as if everything is insurmountable, and any attempt to correct something is futile, because of the sheer number and magnitude of things that need to be corrected. I need to complete a 180 in *every single *aspect of my life to get out of this hole and that is the truth. I don’t feel safe anywhere. I don’t know who I am and I have been trying desperately for years and years and years … it has only gotten worse, but now, I have nothing externally to fall back on, either. And unfortunately, I am not being overdramatic when I say that my life is falling apart, and I also made it so that I have no friends or people that I can ask for help. This is my own doing, just as nearly every problem I have right now is my own fault. I can’t escape to anywhere. Sometimes I just want to crawl out of my skin and hide, but I can’t, and so I feel panicked and claustrophobic in my body and try to immediately go to sleep because I cannot deal with it. Stupid little things like calling to order a pizza are nearly impossible for me. I don’t know what to do but I do know that I can't physically, mentally, or emotionally continue on like this for much longer. 

I know that I sound pathetic and desperate, but I’ve run out of options. I know that nobody likes to deal with people like me, and I can totally sympathize with that – I hate dealing with me too. But if I keep on avoiding people and everything because of it, it’s only going to keep getting worse. Please know that I am NOT, IN ANY WAY, LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY; I DID THIS ENTIRELY TO MYSELF. I have no idea what to do and I know this probably shouldn’t even be asked online, and that, even though it is my own fault, the fact remains that I have nowhere else to go and no one else to ask, and I do not trust my own judgment at all at this point. Do you have any suggestions? And if that is too much, do you know of a quick way to calm down/relax so that you can fall asleep faster without the aid of sleeping pills?

My impulse is going to be to run away and never come back to this forum after I post this. I am going to make a concerted effort to force myself to stay here no matter how humiliating, so please don’t hold back - I am open to hearing absolutely anything. 

Thank you.

*holdsbreathandposts* :mellow:


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## Pelle (Jan 13, 2011)

phoelomek said:


> I know that I sound pathetic and desperate, but I’ve run out of options. I know that nobody likes to deal with people like me, and I can totally sympathize with that – I hate dealing with me too.


I disagree. You obviously do sound desperate which is logical, but not pathetic. Personally, I am heading down a slope to approximately where you are now, so I think I know more or less how you feel. There are plenty of times I hate myself too and whatever plans I make, I just don't do them. Gives a completely powerless feeling. I still have the illusion I can snap out of it all by myself though.

I think it is important to realize that there are plenty of people who are willing to help if you'd just ask. The trick is finding them and having the courage to ask them. Unfortunately, I can't help with that. I'm terribly bad at asking for help and accepting it. I also have no idea where to look. 

I don't know exactly how bad your situation is, but I think it's important to keep hope. Thinks CAN get better, even if they don't look like it. No idea if this applies to your specific case, but I suggest trying to get your basic life in order first. Having a home of some sorts, eating properly, sleeping etc. I have no experience with financial problems, but you might want to add finances to the basic list as well. Try getting a job, if you don't have one.

Finally, I really hate when people say this to me because I already know it and beat myself up about it, but I'm going to say it nonetheless. The longer you run away, the harder it gets to get back. I think you are heading in the right direction by looking for help.

I hope this helps.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

What the hell are you babbling about?

I read that entire post and not once did you mention what is actually happening. All you talked about is the fact that you seem to be having a panic attack. You did not explain why so there is no possible way for anyone to offer you any real advice.

"I'm freaking out, help me." is no way to ask for advice. Unless all you want is pity and a hug, in which case, you can look forward to that from the feelers.


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## Pelle (Jan 13, 2011)

Cheveyo said:


> What the hell are you babbling about?
> 
> I read that entire post and not once did you mention what is actually happening. All you talked about is the fact that you seem to be having a panic attack. You did not explain why so there is no possible way for anyone to offer you any real advice.
> 
> "I'm freaking out, help me." is no way to ask for advice. Unless all you want is pity and a hug, in which case, you can look forward to that from the feelers.


Sounds a bit harsh, but essentially he is right. We need more details to truly be able to help you.


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## phoelomek (Nov 28, 2010)

I didn't explain (or even mention) what exactly I'm dealing with because I'm not asking for help with that. I want to know how to get rid of the "trapped" feeling so that I can concentrate on, and fix those myself. 

I'm sorry that I didn't make that clear.


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## Pelle (Jan 13, 2011)

We can't get rid of a negative feeling simply by knowing what it is. The source of the feeling is also important. In this case, the source is exactly what you are not sharing with us. I am not saying that you should share it with us, if you don't want to. But you need to share it with someone. If you don't have someone, find someone. If you don't know where to find someone.... well, as I said earlier, I don't know.

The way it sounds to me is that your problems are too big to handle alone. I hate and deny this truth myself for my correct situation, but I think you've passed that moment. Oh, how I'd hate this answer... Sorry.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

phoelomek said:


> Like there is no good outcome possible. That I am incapable of doing anything – much less correctly. The forms of escape/release I engaged in before, that provided a safe and comfortable place from which to think about how to fix my problems, have been closed off. I can’t run to, or rely on, internal or external sources. I can’t trust anything. It feels as if everything is insurmountable, and any attempt to correct something is futile, because of the sheer number and magnitude of things that need to be corrected. I need to complete a 180 in *every single *aspect of my life to get out of this hole and that is the truth. I don’t feel safe anywhere. I don’t know who I am and I have been trying desperately for years and years and years … it has only gotten worse, but now, I have nothing externally to fall back on, either. And unfortunately, I am not being overdramatic when I say that my life is falling apart, and I also made it so that I have no friends or people that I can ask for help. This is my own doing, just as nearly every problem I have right now is my own fault. I can’t escape to anywhere. Sometimes I just want to crawl out of my skin and hide, but I can’t, and so I feel panicked and claustrophobic in my body and try to immediately go to sleep because I cannot deal with it. Stupid little things like calling to order a pizza are nearly impossible for me. I don’t know what to do but I do know that I can't physically, mentally, or emotionally continue on like this for much longer.
> 
> I know that I sound pathetic and desperate, but I’ve run out of options. I know that nobody likes to deal with people like me, and I can totally sympathize with that – I hate dealing with me too. But if I keep on avoiding people and everything because of it, it’s only going to keep getting worse. Please know that I am NOT, IN ANY WAY, LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY; I DID THIS ENTIRELY TO MYSELF. I have no idea what to do and I know this probably shouldn’t even be asked online, and that, even though it is my own fault, the fact remains that I have nowhere else to go and no one else to ask, and I do not trust my own judgment at all at this point. Do you have any suggestions? And if that is too much, do you know of a quick way to calm down/relax so that you can fall asleep faster without the aid of sleeping pills?
> 
> ...


You aren't looking for sympathy; you're looking for an easy way out. If you caused these problems for yourself then you are the only person who can fix them, and nothing anybody says can change that or make it any easier. I've been in a situation that felt like that - no friends, abusive family, no support group and an auto-immune disorder that made me have to drop out of school and work. I didn't even cause any of it. But it was still my problem, my hole to crawl out of, and I sucked it up and dealt with it, pulled every card I had in my hand and then some. So my only advice to you is: suck it up.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Take a look at this!
A little newsletter.
http://www.todayisyourdaytowin.com

Helped me a lot!:wink:


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## temporary_member (Jan 18, 2011)

Too bad you're retired. I feel "trapped" on a daily basis. My negative feelings are growing stronger every day. Something is going to happen and I don't think I'll like the outcome.


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## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

If you got yourself into a mess, you can get out of it. 

If someone else go you into a mess, you can still get out of it. 

You have half an hour to mope; then STOP.


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## Lokkye (Dec 28, 2009)

you shouldn't let yourself come down to this

if you're strong enough to not kill yourself after whatever you went through, you're strong enough to pull through

though it may not seem this way now, people are usually there for you and you just ignored some of them who tried to help you

anyhoo good luck living your depressing life, a bit of an optimism, could help you get out of this rut :happy:

best wishes and get well soon


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