# ll



## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

ll


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## inVeRted SpecTrum (Oct 3, 2009)

Your a really good writer. I can relate somewhat. I have some advice that may or may not help in bettering your social skills: 1) ask a lot of questions (but not an obnoxious amount). I love doing this because I don't have to talk, the other person enjoys it, I learn more about them, deepens the relationship,etc. 2) stop thinking so much. stop caring about what others think. Just say whatever the heck you want. If they don't like you so what, there are probably billions of other people out there who are better than them and will like you for the shy social retard that you are. 3) it feels really good not to care. This might be hard for some people, but once you start doing it (please apply this appropriately) it feels really good. And once your not as stressed and anxious maybe you'll be happier, more friendly, and people will be more attracted to you. 

So yeah, this has worked for me in social situations....except I don't know how useful one social retard giving advice to another social retard is, but there you go.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

I guess it's mostly because I am focused on myself and I wasn't raised around people. I am an only child, and haven't been exposed to any of the real world. I guess that leaves me to where I am now. Just hoping that this is irreversible, I want some of reality- Life is too surreal at home.

I appreciate your comment


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## inVeRted SpecTrum (Oct 3, 2009)

And I appreciate you writing this blog. It really summed up some of my emotions in the past, the awkwardness at parties, social skills of a three year old, being annoyed at myself, feeling like I'm no one. The only thing is that of late I've learned not to care so much about people- making friends, pleasing people. I talk if I feel like it and I like you. So I guess I'm a mellow version of you. 

But yes I think its reversible. I also thought that I'd never change. You just need experience, which means you need to put a lot of effort into it. Also some more advice I remembered: I use to observe how other people conversed which sorta helped me gain experience in a way. And try imagining the other person as someone your already comfortable with. Yes, this sounds really stupid but no one will ever know. Anyways good luck, I hoped I helped


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## Psilo (Apr 29, 2009)

I completely relate to this blog. Thanks.

It's why I gave up wanting to be one of those people. So what if I'm a bit of a recluse? I have my few close friends and I'm happy. It's much better than any party or anyone who can't accept me for me. I'm not like that, and the harder I try the more I'll feel inadequate. It took me a long time to come to terms with that.

I wish you the best.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

The reason why it's up here is just that I'm tired of ending back up on base one. Every time I manage to go out it just turns out the same. I could be doing something wrong, and just havn't looked at the picture properly. Who knows. I'm still an adolescent so that could have a big impact on this.
Thanks for your kind comments, and I hope it feels good to know you arn't the only 'Uncool' people here. Society can get its gay ass proded by one of those hooded creatures from Mos Eisley. Cheers


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## Femme (Jul 12, 2009)

I had disgustingly low self-esteem and self-confidence throughout my early years of high school, among many other issues. I no longer experience it. . . therefore, I will attempt to give as much advice as possible. You can take it or leave it; all I request from you is to keep an open mind.

1) ". . .stressed, OCD, Social-Phobic, Shy, Introverted, Socially Retarded individual."

Labeling yourself will only make you feel worse. Labels hold an air of finality to them. They can make one feel hopeless, stuck, and bitter. (I spent three years truly believing I had Schizoid personality disorder. It was actually a case of good ol' INTP.) I'm not claiming you are conjuring up these disorders; merely that they are _not _permanent and hold no significance.

2) "How the fuck do you engage conversation so genuinely without assessing yourself and feeling the littlest ease of self assurance. How do you do it? Its a talent."

It's a talent because others utilize their social skills regularly. When you don't practice conversing with others, you will diminish your social skills. It is inevitable. This applies to the ESXX's, too. 
Is there anyone you are comfortable with, who lives nearby you? A parent, sybling, friend, cousin, uncle. It doesn't matter. Speak to them. Even if the idea sounds boring or dull or pointless. Learn about them. Call a teen hotline. They're free and helpful and casual. Initially, it might seem awkward. A teen hotline will grant you connection with others who are your age--something you need right now. Strive for _any_ form of connection (whether it be a club, group, organization).

Is there anything you're good at? Anything you're passionate about? Dive into that passion. Become proficient in something. Saturate your life in what gives you the most pleasure. By doing so, you will gain happiness and self-confidence.

3) "How does that sound to you, you fucking moron. You idiot. You self-absorbed introvert. . . You are an imbecile. You knew this would happen."

I am extremely familiar with this form of self-talk. Phrases of self-depracation used to be my mantras. It will get you no where. This is one thing I am absolutely certain of. If you want to ameliorate your current state, this is only possible if you eliminate all negativity from your mind. I know what I'm saying may sound unrealistically optimistic or frustrating. I'm not implying you should just ignore your faults, either. Instead, understand them. Understand why you are the way you are. Accept yourself, as you are. Then move forward to fixing an issue, one step at a time. The process is gradual, so patience is necessary. Be patient with yourself. 

You're only human after all, Smokey. You are not alone in this. . .

If you ever want to talk more about this, feel free to pm me.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

1.) Conjuring up all of these false illnesses is just a finality of myself as a product that seems suitable to what I experience--Which usually bottles up with other 'disorders' and stresses. I think that each label suits me perfectly, but it just abolishes my effort in trying to be pro-active and adapt to what I'm inexperienced with---Socializing and feeling human in the real world.

2.)Yeah I see where your coming from. It's just that every time I'm socially burnt out (Happens quickly. Need more social carbs) I end up back at home, where I seemed to have started. From there I just reflect on what I've done and count it as nothing. Not even a mere step toward an individual in its finest. Then the hype starts over again, and left me settling for base one---home. I don't have much to lose so I guess I'll just try what you've said, and thankyou for that.

3.)Negative self-talk acts as the final judge, assessing and reflecting what has just happened. It usually just blows things out of proportion--And as you said, doesn't get you anywhere. I guess you are right though, i'll try take everything into account and get it into action. I can't sit at home browsing on the internet and playing WoW forever right?
I mean, I want to pass college, head to uni and rip into a jazz major.

Thanks for reshaping my reality. I'll probably end up talking to you about it.
A+++ cubed.


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## Femme (Jul 12, 2009)

1) ". . .but it just abolishes my effort in trying to be pro-active and adapt to what I'm inexperienced with"

This is _exactly _why I'm against labels. You worded it perfectly.

2) "It's just that every time I'm socially burnt out (Happens quickly. Need more social carbs). . ."

Fake it 'til you make it--I'm serious. The majority of introverts lack 'social carbs.' Constantly push yourself to go beyond your first impulse to flee. Push yourself, regardless of how scary or unfamiliar it might feel. Experience was key for me. 

3) You are right; negative self-talk blows things immensely out of proportion. If someone you deeply cared about experienced the same thing as you at that party, would you truly believe they're a fucking moron? A self-absorbed idiot?
I forgot to mention this earlier, but writing introspective text (like this blog) certainly helps. You seem to be a good writer, as well. Write about your feelings, your experiences, your sadness, anxiety, etc. Releasing pent up emotions. . . is great.

Oh, and it's awesome you want to be a jazz major.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

Yeah, experience is what I want to avoid in fear of rejection/betrayal and all of that. I think there would be some shortcuts to get to where I need to be, but I think I'm going to have go by what you've said and man up. It will be ridiculously over-stimulating, but would loosen up if I cared enough for my future. I'd like to hear some stories about what you've experienced during adolescent years/The transitioning between a young adult and adolescent (Wondering if there is any difference mentally lol).

Yeah, I'm going to have to pick up my instrument more and actually learn. I can't stop here and pretend i'm at the top, I have to keep on strengthening my music muscles . Yeah, looking forward to some of your chronicles. Metal


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Nawww smokey 
*hugs*

I don't think you're messed up by the way. And neither does anyone else.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Sounds like every major party I have ever been to, with the same thoughts, the same experiences, etc. I totally empathize. You write very well, by the way. As for envying the popular people who fit in easily, I eventually stopped doing that, but not until my mid twenties. I kind of like being different, not because it is fun or useful to be socially awkward or to feel rejected, but because it feels more real, and the people who like me now are the sorts who wouldn't reject someone for being socially clumsy.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

It's just too difficult to operate in a sugar-rush atmosphere, there's so much stimuli to be processed and it starts stressing the mind- Resulting in errornous, concluding in a fear that breaks off that social part of the mind. Man, extroverts, what does it take?


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

I believe you could help yourself by not caring about what other people think. Think of it this way: you Have a party to go to, you Have people who actually include you in a social life. You're not desperate. Your fears are mostly evoked by your own mind and you're the one in control, not others. You *can* be a better version of yourself, but you have to stop thinking you're a nobody. Don't try to be like others. Be yourself, make a presence - don't hide. Don't compare. You have your charms, man.


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