# I don't want to be an F anymore...



## EvilByte (Aug 5, 2009)

I don't understand T very well. I don't know how they feel and handle emotions. I can't relate what they say with words into what they feel internally. And maybe that's what I want. I want an emotional defense from the world, something more than just a disconnect. I'm not really looking to be a T, specifically. I'm just looking to not be an F.

I don't want to feel the strength of emotions I do and reach irrational conclusions. I don't want to be subject to the whims of emotions drawn from things out of my control. I don't want to fight desperately with myself to control my emotions and remain fair and responsible only to lose to some subtle, emotionally charged comment that betrays how I feel.

I don't want to have to remain vigilant with regard to my emotions. I want to live with a warm, comfortable peace. Emotions are still there, but they aren't amazing and fantastic to epic proportions. They wouldn't keep me up late at night upset when I should be focused on homework. 

I often say to myself that I don't want to be different, that I like who I am, and nothing about my unchangeable parts can be improved, only changed (if it were possible). People are different, no better, no worse. But it sure doesn't feel that way sometimes.

I don't think there's an answer out there. Only acceptance. But at this moment I'm not accepting it. And I don't want to. I won't feel the same later, or maybe I'll feel similarly at some time in the future. 

I need a connection, but there isn't one available. It's just all dark, looming, painful and sharp. I miss something, but I don't really know what. I'm lost, but I really shouldn't be. 

Maybe my dreams will give me an answer. They'll at least bring me a moment's peace...

Edit: the universe saw fit to give me more than one sign tonight. I'm not so totally alone as I sometimes darkly believe. Time once again will wither the mountains of despair. Thank you...


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

There's a reason for everything. There's a reason why you were born as an F. I think the universe is trying to tell you something. Maybe, someday someway, your kindheart were destined to touch another heart and help make the world to be better. ^^


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

I can relate to this thread all too much. Being an F can be extremely exhausting and frustrating but with all that, we are incredibly kind hearted and do affect others lives in a positive light.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

'T's do not play with soul on any instrument-- 'An irrational but possible conclusion from an F.'


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

If it weren't for Fs I'd probably be homeless on a corner somewhere. I have very weak emotions, and sometimes I wish I could actually have strong ones (good or bad). You keep society safe, and you actually care for other people. It's simply amazing, I know you will get over this.


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## EvilByte (Aug 5, 2009)

Thank you all very much. 

WickedQueen, I constantly hope that my life will have positive meaning and impact in the lives of at least one other at some time in my life, and ideally very much meaning.

BehindSmile, it makes me especially warm to find consolation from the hearts of those whom I do not know. I've been warming up and connecting to your words more and more lately, and I realize that you are a wonderful person. 

Smokey, I hope I didn't sound like I meant T's to be soulless or lack emotion in some way. I tried to state early that I did not want to be a T because I don't know how a T lives, and that I merely wanted to not be an F. It was a hard idea, but it was almost akin to losing my soul, or what makes me exist so passionately.

Scruffy Sheenster, <3. I appreciate the kind and encouraging words, and I'm glad there are people like you in the world. You give humanity one of its many beautiful facets.


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## Jack Rabid (Aug 6, 2009)

I agree with Scruff.. Thank God the world has Fs in it.. What a bleak world it would be without them indeed!


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I agree that it can be hard sometimes, but even so, I am grateful for what we are. It is nice that there is diversity in the world, and that we are a part of that diversity.


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## sunshine (Jul 18, 2009)

I relate to how you're feeling. But trust me, being a Feeler can have so many benefits. I don't know you all that well, but I bet a lot of your best qualities are a direct result of being an F. The world needs both Thinkers and Feelers, and you are, indeed, a Feeler for a reason. It will shape how you touch people, without even realizing it. You will empathize with someone who has never known a caring Feeler, and it will change their life. 

Personally, I think passion--of all kinds--is what life is all about. I doubt you would feel fulfilled if you could not be passionate in life, even if it did take away some of the negative aspects of the situation. 

Perhaps someday you will find a good friend in a fellow Feeler. Someone who understands your issues and can also appreciate your virtues. Someone who can help you cope during the darker times and celebrate with you during the lighter ones.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

I'm glad you were comforted, nothing like a wink from the universe!


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## StephAnne04 (Oct 19, 2009)

This blog explains exactly how I feel... especially right now. Thank you for sharing... you put my emotions into words..


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## twistylicious (Oct 24, 2009)

Geez... I relate to this so much!


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## MrFixit (Oct 24, 2009)

Given the choice id rather have heightened emotions and deal with occasional bad times that be emotionally void and never have known how wonderful things can feel. The F makes you very special, and the more of you there are in the world the more harmonious i think it would be, plus deep down i think you would really miss it if it was taken away


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## In a Quandary (Dec 26, 2009)

From what little I know of you (taking into account how misrepresentative Internet accounts can be of the true person), you are a gentle, compassionate spirit. Every time I happen upon one of your posts, I can feel this harmonious, tranquil energy emanating from your words, and it soothes my heart. 

It is with a curious sense of regret that I hear you would rather relinquish your Feeling nature.

I cannot begin to comprehend the depth of your emotions, but I would say that they are all the more precious for it. You have been gifted with the ability to understand the world at its most fundamental, meaningful level - and although it causes you great pain in (involuntarily) empathizing with the world's sorrow, this capacity of feeling also means that you can experience the greatest of joys. Furthermore, you can properly express this joy and infuse those around you with it - unlike we emotionally-constipated Thinker types. XP

You were born to Feel - and while it can be something of a damnation at times (as your lament had indicated), it is also a measure of your inner strength, your determination to forge on ahead despite the constant onslaught of powerful emotions that threaten to pull you apart. Be proud of it.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Not only can I relate to you, it was this original reason I even came to this site. See "Hate Being an ENFP" where I hated all my letters. 

I think there are "givers" and "takers' in this world. I'm just wondering where the F's lie. 

I am an artist because I am an "F". And I express my art quite well. People can get in touch with their feelings because of me. But I, like you, am in pain inside. Feeling one's own pain and everyone else's on top is overwhelming. I don't care how many joys you've experienced. 

I often read Lord Byron's "Prometheus" and relate.

Right now, I am grateful you are an "F" just for the mere fact you can relate to a person like me and my pain.


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## boredToDeath (Jan 3, 2010)

Being an F is not only a gift.....it is a responsibility.
For all the ecstatic joys that we experience, we have to endure the depressing thoughts and feelings that we go through almost everyday.

Its a bundle, package, pair....call it what you want. But you can never take only one of the two.

What do you think would be better, to be warm-hearted and sensitive, or to be stone-cold insensitive?
The skill lies in learning to ignore and shut out the negative emotions, while opening up to the positive ones as much as you can and "live the moment".

I relate to you, in what you go through everyday and long-term. I know how hard it is, but always remember that you have the greatest gift of all; sensitivity.


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## Susanna (Nov 15, 2009)

Please keep in mind there is only win win and lose lose.


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