# Am I an introvert or do I just have social anxiety?



## robespierre (Jan 11, 2012)

Well I am in college now and I have a single room. 
During orientation, I was overwhelmed because we were first to talk to soo many different people.

I feel the most at comfortable when I am in my room with the door closed on my computer, reading, or just lying down. It's like as soon as I close the door, there's a huge sigh of relief. This is probably an introverted quality here?
But I might have social anxiety because when I am interacting with people, there's so much going on in my head. Questions such as: Am I smiling correctly? Is my tone of voice okay? Am I making enough eye contact? Am I blinking enough? Why is he/she looking at me like that? what does that body language mean? I want to connect with people but it's hard and it drains me. I meet a new person and then I'm suddenly thinking: soo how am I going to incorporate this person into my life? Friendship is a big deal.

I enjoy talking to people but sometimes it's hard thinking about what to talk about. I hate small talk and I am so bad at it. This gives me anxiety. I often have this cheery persona that is often forced in order to make me seem like I'm remotely interested in what's happening.

What makes it even harder for me ist my appearance--people tell me that I look like I should be an outgoing person, but I'm not. So I feel pressure to force myself to interact with everyone even though I really dont feel like it sometimes.

Long story short, I love people and I find them interesting but I am often uneasy when in large groups and I find close personal relationships hard to make. introversion?


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## Kytaari (Mar 14, 2011)

It could be both. I'm either an introvert with social anxiety or an extrovert with social anxiety. You seem like an introvert to me though. The way socializing drains you wouldn't happen if you were an extrovert, I think.


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## robespierre (Jan 11, 2012)

Kytaari said:


> It could be both. I'm either an introvert with social anxiety or an extrovert with social anxiety. You seem like an introvert to me though. The way socializing drains you wouldn't happen if you were an extrovert, I think.


Thanks. The reason I'm drained however is because there are so many things to pay attention to when interacting with people. When a convo gets awkward, or there are silences, I almost go into panic mode as I struggle to think of things to say (depending on the person's personality. ENFJ's are by far my fav people to have a casual convo with). Im not sure if this is the reason introverts prefer alone time.


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## Kytaari (Mar 14, 2011)

robespierre said:


> Thanks. The reason I'm drained however is because there are so many things to pay attention to when interacting with people. When a convo gets awkward, or there are silences, I almost go into panic mode as I struggle to think of things to say (depending on the person's personality. ENFJ's are by far my fav people to have a casual convo with). Im not sure if this is the reason introverts prefer alone time.


I go through similar phases during a conversation. I'm not sure about the answer to this myself. I can stay for extensive periods with people I'm close to, but I still think I'd eventually need my space. I can definitely relate to how pauses might make you nervous. I usually don't know what to expect stemming from the things I say. I have to be around people to some extent however.


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## robespierre (Jan 11, 2012)

Thanks for your replies. This really is quite hard to figure out.


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## amandalinehan (Jan 14, 2012)

robespierre said:


> Long story short, I love people and I find them interesting but I am often uneasy when in large groups and I find close personal relationships hard to make. introversion?


Maybe the question is - do you think you have social anxiety?

What you are describing definitely applies to introverts, but I don't know that introverts necessarily feel anxious when encountering social situations, just that they begin to lose energy from socializing too long.

I'm not sure exactly what defines social anxiety, like how a mental health professional would define it, but maybe you should ask yourself is it getting in the way of certain parts of your life. Do you experience negative consequences from being too anxious around other people?


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## TaylorS (Jan 24, 2010)

Social anxiety and shyness have nothing to do with introversion, extraverts can have social anxiety and shyness. I-E is just whether the "outer world" drains you are energizes you.


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## robespierre (Jan 11, 2012)

TaylorS said:


> Social anxiety and shyness have nothing to do with introversion, extraverts can have social anxiety and shyness. I-E is just whether the "outer world" drains you are energizes you.


I understand this part but I am trying to understand the underlying reason behind the draining---why do introverts feel drained? I feel drained because I often experience some type of sensory overload (cant describe the feeling) when there's too much going on/interacting with too many different people. In a sense, I hate when I can't hear myself think. Because of this, I often need to just get away from everything for a few moments. 
However, I enjoy the company of my few close friends who allow me to just sit with them in silence as we do solitary activities. 
I dont know what this is.


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## amit (Jan 26, 2012)

@_robespierre_ Hey you have actually brought up a very interesting issue. Its very close to my heart as I face the same issues. From what I've read or experienced, I think its absolutely normal to have some level of social anxiety whether it be an introvert or extrovert. My level of anxiety really increases depending on the person I'm in conversation with. That is, its high with a hot girl or my boss. Lol. 

But, I don't think you should really worry. You should start observing yourself. I mean with what people the anxiety level goes high or which part of the day, you are more socially anxious. Then, I think you will be in a better position to answer the question.

Rest be assured, it is not a case of introversion or extroversion. Its a matter of self-confidence which a person has and how he/she carries himself/herself. Personally, I am really a hardcore introvert. People can really drain out my energy very fast. But, it just makes me irritated but not anxious. The point is introverts don't lack confidence, its just the irritation caused by lot of human interaction which makes them reticent by nature.

I had read this quote somewhere: "I am not shy. I just hate people"


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## MrShatter (Sep 28, 2010)

@robespierre

Curious question, why did you type yourself as INFP over INFJ?


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## robespierre (Jan 11, 2012)

@MrShatter

Well I am not an expert on personality typing so I really dont know. I took a few tests and I always have a high P or I'm borderline..still favoring P.

One of the most noticeable things about me is my lack of structure/organization..I don't use a calendar or anything. I prefer completing assignments in my own time..which is often at the last minute. However, I do very well in school and my assignments are completed on time. 
I can't keep a clean room for my life, although I try.


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## MrShatter (Sep 28, 2010)

robespierre said:


> @MrShatter
> 
> Well I am not an expert on personality typing so I really dont know. I took a few tests and I always have a high P or I'm borderline..still favoring P.
> 
> ...


I would look closer at the differences between INF*P* and INF*J*, 
Your posts strike me as more Fe oriented. (A judger thing) (Don't know what Fe is? keep reading.)

If you are worried about your organization playing into the scenario, read below.

"Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk." - Portrait of an INFJ

It's a good idea to familiarize yourself with the cognitive functions (<This is where Fe comes into play) before you commit to a type.

If you need anymore help, feel free to start a "Type me!" thread, people will line up to give you their (insightful) opinions.

Just for your reference, the cognitive function order of an 
INFJ = Ni>Fe>Ti>Se
INFP = Fi>Ne>Si>Te

It may seem confusing now, but this stuff will become second nature after a while.


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## robespierre (Jan 11, 2012)

Great, thanks! I read through a lot of INFP descriptions and a lot of it didn't really mesh. I'll start studying this stuff.


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## AbioticPrime (Sep 1, 2011)

Interesting you bring this up it's a question I've been meaning to ask myself.

I have a unique case I'd say. I'm an ENTJ who suffers from lapses of stuttering from time to time. It gets pretty debilitating and discouraging, a surefire way to activate my inferior Fi emo-kid style.

Makes me pretty conflicted -- it's one of the largest reasons I've had such difficulty realizing which type I am. I have a natural thrust to rise to the occasion in most situations and a propulsion to interact with the world of people, but I've also developed a type of social anxiety because I'm always on edge of when my stuttering will kick in next. 

It's turned me into a reluctant introvert. Probably because of this I haven't had the proper amount of practice communicating and socializing with kids my age which serves as a double negative.

But I know who I am naturally, and I've come to terms with my strong drive to go out and explore the world day in day out; definitely a crippled extrovert. Stuttering is a barrier I'm going to cross. 


Maybe you identify with my situation?


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## Kekira (Jan 28, 2012)

You sound introverted from my understanding of it and for the fact that I go through the same reasons although I usually am not thinking too hard about how I appear to others as how they appear to me if that makes sense.  Me personally, I HATE big social gatherings. I hate all the noise, the crazy amount of people, and how I am supposed to walk up to all these strangers and act like they're my best friend. That's where I get drained it's overwhelming so I usually sit in a corner somewhere and either watch people amuse me or go hide in my head.


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## Misha (Dec 18, 2011)

robespierre said:


> @MrShatter
> 
> Well I am not an expert on personality typing so I really dont know. I took a few tests and I always have a high P or I'm borderline..still favoring P.


If you're new to this scene, try not to put too much faith on the first few rounds of tests. You need to keep an opening mind and the more you learn about personality types, the more you'll be able to discover what is your true type. Everyone has to go through this stage, so don't fret. Just give yourself more time to study about other types. 



> One of the most noticeable things about me is my lack of structure/organization..I don't use a calendar or anything. I prefer completing assignments in my own time..which is often at the last minute. However, I do very well in school and my assignments are completed on time.
> I can't keep a clean room for my life, although I try.


INFJ tend to be good at organizing "priorities" and anything that has to do with responsibility (being punctual, finishing task on time, ...etc.) However, due to their inferior Se, they might be poor at organizing things as they lack of awareness of what is going on around me at any point in time. One obvious pattern is their rooms or tables are usually "very" messy but they will also spend a lengthy amount of time cleaning up meticulously. 

The vibe that I got from you skewed more toward INFJ more than INFP. But it's best for you to discover on your own through researching, you'll learn more about personality types this way.


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## WavyJ (Jan 31, 2012)

I sympathize with this. I am a recently typed INFJ (the description was pretty spot on). I don't use a calendar at all. It's always been a new year's resolution that I could make last for about a week. I'm always procrastinating, but I always get it done and it's usually of the quality I desire. I also have very similar social anxiety that you were describing on the previous page. I went to a huge college, so it was perfect for me to be able to blend in and speak to whomever I wanted. Thus allowing me to choose my few friends very easily. Now I'm in med school, and it's like high school all over again. I only kind of click with a few people, and even around them it's like I'm having to come up with things to say. It's so draining to not be able to be yourself. I want to. But it's very difficult for me. Now, I see all of these faces (180 kids in my class), spend small talk time with them, and they assume that it must mean I'm outgoing. My few semi-close friends are shocked when I tell them how stressful normal day-to-day interactions can be.

Maybe our "social anxiety" is similar. It's the fear of the familiar that gets me the worst. Knowing that I've maxed out in my relationship with a person at a level where I'm not comfortable: small talk. My best friend is an ENFJ, and we have the most stimulating conversations I could ever ask for. Our only difference is our examples of our philosophies; he derives them from people, and I don't have any examples...


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## WavyJ (Jan 31, 2012)

robespierre said:


> @MrShatter
> 
> Well I am not an expert on personality typing so I really dont know. I took a few tests and I always have a high P or I'm borderline..still favoring P.
> 
> ...


New to this. My above post was meant for you too.

To add to this, it's hard for me to explicitly demarcate my introversion from whatever anxiety I may get. I think I get drained from not being myself and having to constantly temper my perceived self to go along with what each situation calls for.

Anything like this ring a bell? Maybe you are in INFJ. Or maybe I'm not...


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## slyspy (May 18, 2011)

Welcome to my life! 

This is exactly how I am but I know I am an introvert because even when I am around those that I have been friends with forever and don't feel anxious around I still need to just go into my room and gather my thoughts. It can be draining. I can't just sit with people in the same room though. That can be difficult as well. I literally need to be alone to gather my thoughts without anyone there at all. Now about the social anxiety, for me when I first meet people I worry a lot about what they are thinking (not that I particularly care what they think I just really want to know!) but after a while I get over it and don't pay that much attention. Also even though I do this, I still don't pay all that much attention to how I look/dress. I'm guessing that you are an introvert but care a little more than average about how others perceive you. I wouldn't say you have social anxiety though unless you can't interact with anyone. Examples: not being able to call your boss when you are running late for work, not being able to shop for groceries because it is difficult to talk to the person at the register (some have reported leaving a cart full of groceries in the store because they just couldn't do it), going to a restaurant alone or even walking down the street alone (feels like everyone is staring at you), or missing classes because you have to give a speech/introduce yourself. It is only a disorder if you can't function in society because of it otherwise you are just more anxious than average. Nothing wrong with being a little different.


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## Malx (May 17, 2011)

Do you remember what you were like as a kid? High-energy and antsy and always looking for something to do/someone to be with? Or did you find yourself comfortable on your own or with one or two close friends? Sometimes it's hard to determine I/E, so going back to when you didn't have so many expectations put on you can really help. I've personally been asking myself the same question. Do I get tired from being with people because of depression/dpd or is it introversion? I used to be really extroverted, albeit shy, as a kid. My personality seemed to almost completely change when I hit high school. Anyways, all that to say, think of a time when you felt the most "natural", that might help you to differentiate between things. 

I've taken some personality tests where they actually say to answer the questions the way you would have as a kid - the further back you can go the better (like, 5-7 years old if you can).

You do kind of sound like a natural introvert though, particularily because of this



robespierre said:


> I understand this part but I am trying to understand the underlying reason behind the draining---why do introverts feel drained?* I feel drained because I often experience some type of sensory overload (cant describe the feeling) when there's too much going on/interacting with too many different people. In a sense, I hate when I can't hear myself think. Because of this, I often need to just get away from everything for a few moments. *
> However, I enjoy the company of my few close friends who allow me to just sit with them in silence as we do solitary activities.
> I dont know what this is.


This pretty much exactly describes what introversion is in MBTI.
Introverts use a lot more energy for external stimulus whereas extroverts tend to have a high tolerence level to external stimulus. So, when you're out and about with a group of friends, you're getting a lot of input from the outside world which can be tiring for some people. Socializing is one source of this and is the easiest for many people to identify with which I think is why it is often used as an example.

Note: being extro/introverted is not limited to how social you are and how much energy you get from it, but it's a good meter to start with. I know a couple ESTJs who gain energy from working, and one of them hates socializing.

Another thing people often like to use to tell if they are I or E is the order of their cognitive functions, although this can sometimes be difficult. I think some others have mentioned this, but I highly recommend reading up on functions. Really, all the four letters are, is a code to the functions you use and the order of them.


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