# Atypical traits you look for in a mate



## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

*1) vanity:* yes. I want a partner who is more than a plastic figurine, but vain people are better looking, stay better looking longer and are usually easy to please (sexually that is)
*2) a touch of insecurity:* obviously, I don't want a nervous wreck who can't take care of himself, but I don't want a super confident alpha male either. a little insecurity is cute and brings out one's protective instincts. 
*3) clingy/obsessive:* if you're not at least a little clingy and obsessive over your partner, what's the point? nothing is better than the fireworks and flying sparks that come from a mutually clingy relationship, so I say bring it bitch!
*4) not intellectual:* smart is good; intellectual is not. yes, I want someone who can make intelligent conversation, but discussing philosophy and the destiny of humankind is _not_ sexy


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> *4) not intellectual:* smart is good; intellectual is not. yes, I want someone who can make intelligent conversation, but discussing philosophy and the destiny of humankind is _not_ sexy


Intelligence _is s_exy.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

isingthebodyelectric said:


> Intelligence _is s_exy.


intelligence ≠ intellectual


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## MisterD (Feb 24, 2010)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> intelligence ≠ intellectual


Might as well talk to a monkey


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

1) Controlling: oh gosh oh yay, won't I put up a fight and three quarters, but I love me a controlling partner. This can range from a pointed jealous where were you, to an outright dom who says I have to do a to get b and actually has the self restraint to not cave or perhaps even not speak to me until I at least halfway acquiece or quit fighting. I actually was asking the great holy heavens what the purpose of my current relationship is, because it's annoyingly but enticingly ongoing, though I don't think we should really ever be married or anything like it, so what is the purpose here, and suddenly I got the message silent and clear that I am still learning wu wei. He's teaching me wu wei indirectly. He kind of lets me push boulders uphill without interference but also without ever placating or rewarding it. I used to think it was horrible, but the other night I was arguing with a mutual friend of ours who was behaving abominably, and my ..whatever he is..basically said don't react to him, silence is best....he vocalized this, and he was right. Then the past couple of days I had been annoyed with something he was angling for (don't worry, not like extortion or anything financially, more like bedroom stuff lol) and he proceeded to utterly ignore me until I half caved, at which point he almost immediately paid attention to me again. He is teaching me to stop pushing against other people so willfully. He shows me it's a waste of energy. Because if I don't like a person's conditions, I can choose to walk away. Why do I waste energy trying to outwill people in useless scenarios, I do it online too.

Of course he is not exactly zen master and sometimes he reacts to me, but his conscious effort to refrain from reacting is teaching me doing without doing and acceptance. Then I am watching this movie tonight, Bless Me Ultima, where the old woman teaches the little boy that our souls are most expansive when we accept life, good and bad. And I don't think I could learn this right now if my partner was not silently controlling.

One time I had a boyfriend who was not even slightly jealous or controlling, and I had no respect for him as a man. It is a huge turn off for me.


2) Has Issues: because people with out issues are boring, and I am pretty sure they are judging me and my issues

3) eccentricity that may seem immature in some ways: don't ask, I don't know, I think I interpret it as playfulness, creativity, and special snowflake-ness


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## marsec (Nov 6, 2012)

I'd say there is only one big atypical thing I look for, complete independence. Someone who can exist entirely separate from me, has their own life, has their own agenda, their own goals. There is just something very off putting to me when someone latches completely onto my life and tries to integrate themselves into it while simultaneously giving up their own lives, it puts me under a lot of pressure. If needed, I'd rather be the one who has to pack up and move across the country. I believe that both partners can be independent and yet still very much together.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

MisterD said:


> Might as well talk to a monkey



you can do better than that.


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## Ephemerald (Aug 27, 2011)

Eccentricity and an inquisitive, intellectual nature.

I have a strange habit of taking the poetry of Emily Dickinson, which can occasionally be abstract, and doubling it bound with my associated abstraction, making it rhyme rhythmically. I also write her letters in response to her journal entries. I think some of my friends might find this unusual. I'm usually up until 4am every day, getting like 4 hours of sleep, reading and thinking about life, making diagrams all over my mirrors and windows. Dry erase markers make pleasing, temporary stained glass decals.

I also walk around like I'm a leaf blowing in the wind. I'm not drunk, I just can't walk straight from all the beauty.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

MisterD said:


> Might as well talk to a monkey


Even a person who seems "dumb" to you.may have a type of intelligence you lack, even if they are not an intellectual.

My partner I was talking about, he's not intellectual. But he's good at sizing people up and tactical maneuvering. He has a kind of Se Te strategy that I lack (when confronted with some one like him, I know that Te is my inferior, I don't just casually use Te to strategize loosely to my personal gain...I mean maybe when I am hustling some one but this guy always seems to have some angle, like perhaps he should consider a career in politics or organized crime) ...and yeah he can know when to shut up and when to keep his cards close to him and when to just.ignore an idiot. I am bad at ignoring idiots and I am a decade older than he is...my Fi is more exposed though, making me want to call for waaahmbulance more frequently, and I am a reactive cp 6 and he's either an 8w9 or a 7w8.

I am much more "intellectual" yet fantastically, I waste more energy with reactivity and willful behavior (Te inferior in slavery to Fi, making me delightfully goosestep when angry or vexed). Who is smarter?


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## MisterD (Feb 24, 2010)

fourtines said:


> Even a person who seems "dumb" to you.may have a type of intelligence you lack, even if they are not an intellectual.
> 
> My partner I was talking about, he's not intellectual. But he's good at sizing people up and tactical maneuvering. He has a kind of Se Te strategy that I lack (when confronted with some one like him, I know that Te is my inferior, I don't just casually use Te to strategize loosely to my personal gain...I mean maybe when I am hustling some one but this guy always seems to have some angle, like perhaps he should consider a career in politics or organized crime) ...and yeah he can know when to shut up and when to keep his cards close to him and when to just.ignore an idiot. I am bad at ignoring idiots and I am a decade older than he is...my Fi is more exposed though, making me want to call for waaahmbulance more frequently, and I am a reactive cp 6 and he's either an 8w9 or a 7w8.
> 
> I am much more "intellectual" yet fantastically, I waste more energy with reactivity and willful behavior (Te inferior in slavery to Fi, making me delightfully goosestep when angry or vexed). Who is smarter?


Can't really "measure" who is smarter. Unless, you wanted to pit the two against each other in a form of competition.


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## MisterD (Feb 24, 2010)

fourtines said:


> Even a person who seems "dumb" to you.may have a type of intelligence you lack, even if they are not an intellectual.
> 
> My partner I was talking about, he's not intellectual. But he's good at sizing people up and tactical maneuvering. He has a kind of Se Te strategy that I lack (when confronted with some one like him, I know that Te is my inferior, I don't just casually use Te to strategize loosely to my personal gain...I mean maybe when I am hustling some one but this guy always seems to have some angle, like perhaps he should consider a career in politics or organized crime) ...and yeah he can know when to shut up and when to keep his cards close to him and when to just.ignore an idiot. I am bad at ignoring idiots and I am a decade older than he is...my Fi is more exposed though, making me want to call for waaahmbulance more frequently, and I am a reactive cp 6 and he's either an 8w9 or a 7w8.
> 
> I am much more "intellectual" yet fantastically, I waste more energy with reactivity and willful behavior (Te inferior in slavery to Fi, making me delightfully goosestep when angry or vexed). Who is smarter?


I think the question we should be asking, who's taking advantage of their abilities & channeling it towards success.


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## MisterD (Feb 24, 2010)

For a fling or sexual relationship it doesn't really matter.

For a serious relationship..
Strong-headed woman
yet at the same time...
Elegant/soft qualities (knows how it should be between a woman & a man)
Supportive


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

fourtines said:


> Even a person who seems "dumb" to you.may have a type of intelligence you lack, even if they are not an intellectual.


I agree



> My partner I was talking about, he's not intellectual. But he's good at sizing people up and tactical maneuvering. He has a kind of Se Te strategy that I lack (when confronted with some one like him, I know that Te is my inferior, I don't just casually use Te to strategize loosely to my personal gain...I mean maybe when I am hustling some one but this guy always seems to have some angle, like perhaps he should consider a career in politics or organized crime) *...and yeah he can know when to shut up and when to keep his cards close to him and when to just.ignore an idiot.* I am bad at ignoring idiots and I am a decade older than he is...my Fi is more exposed though, making me want to call for waaahmbulance more frequently, and I am a reactive cp 6 and he's either an 8w9 or a 7w8.


I can see why this would appeal to you. 6s are notoriously bad at this :tongue:
he sounds like a good match for you (you're all passion and aggressive, cerebral energy; he's more chill and steady)



> I am much more "intellectual" yet fantastically, I waste more energy with reactivity and willful behavior (Te inferior in slavery to Fi, making me delightfully goosestep when angry or vexed). Who is smarter?


^this is a good example of why I place far less weight in intelligence than I used to. when I was younger, I wasted all manner of cerebral energy bouncing off the walls, coming to few conclusions and not getting anything done. as I've gotten older, my mind as slowed down considerably, but my thinking has become much more clear, practical and common sensical. quality thinking requires neither an intellectual bent nor excessive intelligence. 

I want an intelligent partner for the sake of them understanding me and being able to communicate in a meaningful manner, but it's not something I value for it's own sake.


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## VioletIris (Jan 15, 2010)

Here is one I always relied on: Has to love animals (pets and wildlife) _and_ my pets have to love him. Guys who thought my pets were just inconvenient sources of shedded hair on their clothes -- it never worked out with them.


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## Chamondelle (Sep 8, 2013)

-He has to be witty. 
-I don't mind if he complains a lot. As long as everything is spoken out, we can get solution
-Someone who likes challenge and curious to something new or adventure
-Likes to read books in different genre from me.
-Loyal of course
-Can get a bit jealous. My experience tell if you are not, it makes me question more.

....forget it. I have 100 lists.

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Tapatalk


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## Ephemerald (Aug 27, 2011)

Oh. Brutally honest too, even if tactless, at least between us. The sense of unconditional union in trust is very important in my willingness to establish and maintain intimacy. If I can't trust someone, I can't love them. Without very good justification, it's a sense of violation, and a door-slam. Secrets are okay, if they're the happy kind (e.g. surprises), or not about me.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

*boyish personality*: to hell with manly men (I would say "fuck manly men", but the irony is too obvious). nothing turns me off more. I want someone with a personality like (but not the maturity of) a child. I want someone I can play with, goof off with and do crazy shit with without them being overly serious or getting conscientious.


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## entheos (Aug 18, 2013)

Atypical traits that attract me:

- A little insecurity and has issues/isn't perfect or super confident (like the OP said)
- If the person happens to be a man or non-binary individual: lacks super macho dominant energy. Gotta be chill and sometimes even submissive. Not that I want to dominate all the time, but just a 50%50% thing
- Awkward & shy (not crippled by it, tho)
- Has a passion for gardening -it's just such a turn on when they're talking to plants
- Grateful / Takes nothing in life for granted
- Unattached to being right
- Quirky -this can mean a lot of things, though. ex: sniffs books, builds forts, eats dessert first, shit like that


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Agreed with the insecurity part. Imperfection might be mine, though it probably doesn't count as atypical. I want loveable flaws, if that makes any sense? Difficult to find without them having other flaws that drive you up the wall, but it's worth a try, right?

And, uh, someone with a tough exterior who is really just a big softie. :tongue:


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

- *Awkwardness* when attempting to flirt with me. If you're too slick, you don't really care about me, or you have seduced so many people that I am insignificant.
- *Rage* is sexy, and being in touch with your fire & rage is sexy. Taking it out on me physically is unacceptable (except in the bedroom), but I like seeing hints of it.. that's a turn on.
- Someone who *enjoys arguing* is a must. I love arguing and if you don't, you will dump me. However, when I say "arguing" I am talking about philosophical & intellectual stuff. If someone is going to argue with me about my emotions or who I am or how I conduct my own life, they can have at it but they're hitting a wall.
- If you're PC for the sake of being PC.. I'm not interested. Think for your damn self. Basically this means, I want someone who is *NOT PC*, and thus is not afraid to piss other people off.
- Long *messy hair*. If your hair is too tame, it speaks of a tame spirit.. I want someone loose, wild and free like a wild cat.
- He must be in touch with his* feminine *side. If he's too hyper-masculine, he won't like me, being that I am beyond in touch with my maleness.
- The more *feisty, obnoxious and stubborn* you are in an argument, the more the argument turns me on.
- *Men who cry*. It turns me on like crazy when a man cries in my arms, and can even melt my heart. Not to mention, men who are afraid to cry seem like pussies to me.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

@Animal

My laptop is poorly compatible with the wifi at my home, and I have trouble posting photos on my phone unless I downloaded them to my phone.

Sooo...Justin Timberlake is a good example of curly short hair and goatee. Both my ESFJ ex and current ESFP have short curly hair, well groomed facial hair but also a strong jaw and thick lips.

I think Tupac was gorgeous.

Gabriel Garcia Bernal is one of my favorites, he has like medium length hair though, both him and Jared Leto.

Colin Farrell is a good example too.

New Wave Hair...that's more...Depeche Mode or Nick Cave in the eighties (i don't like his look now)..I really wish I could post pictures.

Or video.

I actually could PM three real guys to you. My ESFP is recently in the type the above person by their photo thread.


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

@fourtines PM me!


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

Animal said:


> - *Awkwardness* when attempting to flirt with me. If you're too slick, you don't really care about me, or you have seduced so many people that I am insignificant.
> - *Rage* is sexy, and being in touch with your fire & rage is sexy. Taking it out on me physically is unacceptable (except in the bedroom), but I like seeing hints of it.. that's a turn on.
> - Someone who *enjoys arguing* is a must. I love arguing and if you don't, you will dump me. However, when I say "arguing" I am talking about philosophical & intellectual stuff. If someone is going to argue with me about my emotions or who I am or how I conduct my own life, they can have at it but they're hitting a wall.
> - If you're PC for the sake of being PC.. I'm not interested. Think for your damn self. Basically this means, I want someone who is *NOT PC*, and thus is not afraid to piss other people off.
> ...


*Drool! * Well said!

I want the same except from the male side. A few variations:

*Quench*: I will add to Animal's list that the other party must be capable, like I am, of halting the spiraling nuclear forces that are chaotic and out of control, if need be. There must be a quench. I prefer sex and togetherness as a quench. It is flat amazing to me the number of women that cannot handle arguing and then having sex. They get discombobulated and can't. And it's what I need in that circumstance. Thus no quench. I need a partner that understands that mechanism for quench.

Obviously I need a woman who is in touch with their masculine side. I know my inner bitch very well. 

*Unswerving at the right damn time*: This is not as simple a thing as one might expect. It can be a dangerous thing. BUt basically it boils down to being on the same team regardless. My partner has to be very much about me. So much so that when I do something out of the ordinary or need risky support that when I look over at her she is glaring with tiger eyes at my enemy. Split second trust. A knowing.


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Awww, Swordsman, you don't like deep conversation? It can't always be sexy, ya know! Gotta have that one-to-one conversation for no other purpose than simple mental masturbation.


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

series0 said:


> *Drool! * Well said!


;D



> I want the same except from the male side. A few variations:
> 
> *Quench*: I will add to Animal's list that the other party must be capable, like I am, of halting the spiraling nuclear forces that are chaotic and out of control, if need be. There must be a quench. I prefer sex and togetherness as a quench. It is flat amazing to me the number of women that cannot handle arguing and then having sex. They get discombobulated and can't. And it's what I need in that circumstance. Thus no quench. I need a partner that understands that mechanism for quench.
> 
> Obviously I need a woman who is in touch with their masculine side. *I know my inner bitch very well.*


This made me lol irl. Hot! I am so glad someone else understands what the true meaning of 'feminine' is!!!!



> *Unswerving at the right damn time*: This is not as simple a thing as one might expect. It can be a dangerous thing. BUt basically it boils down to *being on the same team regardless*. My partner has to be very much about me. So much so that when I do something out of the ordinary or need risky support that when I look over at her she is *glaring with tiger eyes at my enemy*. Split second trust. A knowing.


Absolutely. My spirit animals are tiger & phoenix. I don't care how much I'm fighting with my guy - or a very close friend for that matter. When shit hits the fan, I will slice up their enemy with my claws... or my glare ... or my cutting words. Whatever it takes. We can finish our argument later, but when there's an outside enemy we come together. Disagreement is sexy & rage sex is carnal and raw and animalistic, especially when there is REAL rage.. and I love that. But _loyalty_ *must* be unswerving.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

fourtines said:


> Bold:mostly rapists and serial killers. I was actually just thinking about this tonight, what's the thrill in fucking someone who thinks you are disgusting or scary.


Oh yeah, failed to account for that. :X


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Nonsense said:


> Ah, well, who doesn't want their love interest to show interest? Okay I'm generalizing here, I'm sure there are some who are into that (I've seen weirder things), but I can't imagine getting in a relationship with someone who doesn't _speak_ to me.
> 
> Anyway, I'm not really actively looking for a mate, and I'm not quite sure what traits I want, atypical or not, but I guess I wouldn't mind it if he was an alien?
> 
> ...


Of course, but I think I don't want words of affection for example. Instead if I for example complain about an issue, it means a lot to me if you solved it for me. Affection is shown through action than words, sympathy, physical intimacy etc.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Signify said:


> *Awww, Swordsman, you don't like deep conversation?* It can't always be sexy, ya know! Gotta have that one-to-one conversation for no other purpose than simple mental masturbation.


I like deep _emotional_ conversation, just not deep _intellectual_ conversation. intellectual conversation is far too dispassionate for my tastes


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

@Animal

Ok, as I said, one of them is in the guess the type above you.from their photo thread, I am having trouble getting a handle on old pictures of ESFJ though I have them (and he looked better when he was with me), and ...yeah, I will get around to it.

You know who I forgot?

Eminem.

Maybe I like the way rappers look? I.used to want to marry Eminem, and I insist I.find Tupac Shakur unusually beautiful, but I think that was due more to.genes than style.Those eyes, that mouth.

I am shallow, that is what my ESFJ friend says. It's bizarre because she is the.one who says things like she wants to be the best looking person in the room. I think she's projecting.

And how could I forget Fred Durst (j/k. @FearAndTrembling). He does have that whole goatee thing going on though doesn't he.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Just say no to Fred Durst, kids.

No.


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## Nightchill (Oct 19, 2013)

Long hair. Pale pale skin. No body hair. Albino? Tender. Asexual or bisexual. (male)


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

ephemereality said:


> Of course, but I think I don't want words of affection for example. Instead if I for example complain about an issue, it means a lot to me if you solved it for me. Affection is shown through action than words, sympathy, physical intimacy etc.


Well, I do think actions speak louder than words, so words of affection doesn't necessarily do much for me either. But as for which actions... I guess I don't have anything more spesific in mind than "pay attention" xP
@fourtines
Ugh, Eminem is pretty sexy. Wouldn't want to date a guy like that though.


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

Nightchill said:


> Long hair. Pale pale skin. No body hair. Albino? Tender. Asexual or bisexual. (male)


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

These lists are examples of the most mentally and emotionally unwell people in existence. And here I thought I was fucked up.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

fourtines said:


> 2) Has Issues: because people with out issues are boring, and I am pretty sure they are judging me and my issues


Yes, I think the same!


I don't like super-optimistic, enthusiastic people. I like confident and outgoing people but I wouldn't mind if he was pessimistic about things. That gives me the chance to cheer him up and show him the positive side of things :kitteh:.

Conventional beauty can be boring. In fact, someone who looks too conventional seems boring and bland to me. I'm not really picky about looks though.

He has to be dominant in bed or at least have a sort of "drive" to him. I didn't realise how much I cared about this until a particular experience I had about a month ago and it completely turned me off the person I was with.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

deleted


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

l like a guy who has little concern for self-image or ''identifying'' with masculinity, but it doesn't mean he has to be feminine.


l've found an optimal example of this in ENFP men...my gauge may be a little off considering the few real life examples l am thinking of were considered a bit too feminine and possibly gay by other women, but l just see it as a kind of openness that l can relate with. 

They were perfectly secure in themselves.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

android654 said:


> These lists are examples of the most mentally and emotionally unwell people in existence. And here I thought I was fucked up.


That's pretty much what I was about to post. Some of these women say they want a man with issues and is controlling!? Dafuq??? 

If that's what they want they should date a PU-oh wait:dry:


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## smolio (Mar 7, 2013)

Eccentricity is such a curious draw for me. To me that's a major indicator of a creative/interesting/intelligent person. I am an easily bored person so having someone with natural quirks like that on a daily basis is such an attractive idea to me. I want to be entertained with stories of harebrained schemes involving Mentos-powered guns and chocolate telephone misadventures. Whimsical shit like that. Dress style gets my attention too if its eccentric/uncommon/quirky. Overalls, suspenders, stuff like that.

As far as physical attraction goes, I'm open to whatever 'cause it doesnt matter in the long run. But nothing gets my heart beating faster than seeing a guy with long, big kinky hair. Kinda afro-textured but fluffy and hangs. (It's a rare sight to be honest)


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

L said:


> That's pretty much what I was about to post. Some of these women say they want a man with issues and is controlling!? Dafuq???


Issues I get, possessiveness and controlling is only attractive when it comes to sex--bondage, rough play, domination, etc--on the social and emotional side, its not what people imagine it is, not even close. 



> If that's what they want they should date a PU-oh wait:dry:












I cannot wait to see how people react to that.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

*Goody-goods* - I've never been into bad boys. Leather jackets are sexy, sure, but I mean the attitude, behaviors, lifestyle.
I really like men who do the right thing even if they do not gain from it - especially when they do not gain from it. I like to respect someone's moral integrity. I don't like male bravado or tough guys or rebels without a cause. I found this guy increasingly attractive once because I noticed how he'd go out of his way to take a personal interest in people whom he had nothing to gain from (in the direct sense). For example, with old ladies & kids, he'd talk to them like they were as significant and interesting as some person who might further his ambitions, but they were not those people. That is something not a lot of people do. *Now by this, I do not mean "don't drink, don't smoke - what do you do?" goody two shoes ("there must be something inside" - reference to cheesy 80s Adam Ant song). I'm not into ascetics. I like someone who CARES and has principles and acts in-line with them; someone who is not self-serving or vanity-driven in their good deeds.

With my INFJ ex, I fell for some lame spiel about what a passion for his religion he had (which later turned out to be his ego & that Ni "desire to dominate", perhaps born out of inferior Se sense of helplessness in the physical present). You know in the movies where some cad pretends to volunteer & love kittens & borrows his friend's kids as props, and the women go "awwww - he's so sweeeeet!"? I'm probably one of those who is touched by _genuine_ sweetness in a guy (when paired with a passion and belief in his own value, not the fake "nice guy" who is needy & not really nice).

I used to like the sensitive, arty types (mirrors of myself, perhaps), but I've grown tired of that schtick. Those actually aren't the good guys either. I also used to like other very introverted, enigmatic types, but the mirror becomes disturbing; it did help me see what I don't like about _myself_, what is unappealing about me to others, etc. Increasingly, I like more energetic, friendly, warm personalities, not because they are more charming or enjoyable, but they offer something different & more inspiring to me. Of course, my previous preference for slightly eccentric, reserved types was the more atypical taste.

And I will echo the mention of *arguing *as attractive, or having a conversation style that is like a debate and not afraid to analyze different angles & point out flaws in the others' reasoning. I need it to be respectful (no low blows) & closer to sharing than tearing down another view, but he cannot have a problem with me disagreeing and making a case for my stance. And I expect some solid explanation in return, because I don't want to be humored. Agreeing all the time is dull to me, and if a guy is threatened by me having strong opinions and questioning his stance, then it's not going to work. The INFJ ex used to dismiss my speeches as "political rants" (although it was never about politics, which did not interest me). I was disappointed he couldn't bother to defend his view or make any response. These are often times when I touch on my real feelings, so it's important it is heard & taken seriously. 

Otherwise, I don't think my taste is all that unusual, although it may be picky with high standards. _I _am an acquired taste, perhaps.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

fourtines said:


> I am not fantasizing. I am talking about real people who I have been with.
> 
> The only one who was violent was the ESFJ and he did not treat me like chattel or beat the shit out of me. He threw a shampoo bottle at me once when I was late.
> 
> Controlling men can actually be very dependable and have caretaking qualities. It also gives an intensity to the relationship. There's a wide spectrum between Misery and an ISTJ who tells you what kind of panties to wear. There are varying degrees, and it doesn't quite play out the same every time.


Thats fussy and demanding, not controlling. You haven't had a controlling partner until you've had them decide for you, cut off ties to friends and family they don't want you speaking to, monitor your phone and money, decide your immediate and long term future, and threaten you in any number of ways because they're not getting thee way. Saying I want you to put in these black panties, so up them on, or yelling at you for being out all night is just petty and demanding, not controlling.



fourtines said:


> My, we are judgmental this evening.


Please, come off it. Reread this thread with a modicum of objectivity and you'll easily see that some of these lists applied to a single person would be a psychiatrists wet dream.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

android654 said:


> Thats fussy and demanding, not controlling. You haven't had a controlling partner until you've had them decide for you, cut off ties to friends and family they don't want you speaking to, monitor your phone and money, decide your immediate and long term future, and threaten you in any number of ways because they're not getting thee way. Saying I want you to put in these black panties, so up them on, or yelling at you for being out all night is just petty and demanding, not controlling.
> 
> 
> 
> Please, come off it. Reread this thread with a modicum of objectivity and you'll easily see that some of these lists applied to a single person would be a psychiatrists wet dream.


Do you have a partner, Android? Are you happily married? I believe Snail is. And while I am very different from her, I admire her honesty, and also her reasoning for how she picked her husband.

My list was actually pretty brief, and it pertained entirely to real relationship I have had. Yes, I do perceive these petty or demanding or bossy men as controlling. I have dated people who were not controlling at all, but I end up attached to more dominant or bossy people. That's a way of being controlling. If Black Panties had it his way, id probably be on a strict paleo diet and run marathons. Shampoo Bottle acted out because I was a half hour late, not because I stayed out all night, and got drunk one evening and dragged me down the hall by my hair. Guess why we are not together anymore?

Even in my narrative about my most recent person, I attempted to reflect on it and understand it, and indicate I don't see us married. But I acknowledge that I.like controlling partners, because I am not a LIAR.


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## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

android654 said:


> Please, come off it. Reread this thread with a modicum of objectivity and you'll easily see that some of these lists applied to a single person would be a psychiatrists wet dream.


Lol This made me laugh so hard! LMAO. I think perc needs an on-call residential counselor/psychiatrist. I could use a few therapy sessions myself lol.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

@OrangeAppled


> *Goody-goods* - I've never been into bad boys. Leather jackets are sexy, sure, but I mean the attitude, behaviors, lifestyle.
> I really like men who do the right thing even if they do not gain from it - especially when they do not gain from it. I like to respect someone's moral integrity. I don't like male bravado or tough guys or rebels without a cause. I found this guy increasingly attractive once because I noticed how he'd go out of his way to take a personal interest in people whom he had nothing to gain from (in the direct sense). For example, with old ladies & kids, he'd talk to them like they were as significant and interesting as some person who might further his ambitions, but they were not those people. That is something not a lot of people do. *Now by this, I do not mean "don't drink, don't smoke - what do you do?" goody two shoes ("there must be something inside" - reference to cheesy 80s Adam Ant song). I'm not into ascetics. I like someone who CARES and has principles and acts in-line with them; someone who is not self-serving or vanity-driven in their good deeds.


I'm similar, though I like the 9-ish/p6-ish variety of "goody-goods: whereas you seem to like more the 1-ish variety. me going after a bad boy would make about as much sense as a a predator eating another predator.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> I'm similar, though I like the 9-ish/p6-ish variety of "goody-goods: whereas you seem to like more the 1-ish variety. me going after a bad boy would make about as much sense as a a predator eating another predator.


Two predators together can make for an interesting dynamic though. ;P


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

fourtines said:


> Do you have a partner, Android? Are you happily married?


You mean am I living with someone? Engaged? Not that it has anything to do with this clear observation laid out here, but I'm only casually involved with someone right now.



> believe Snail is. And while I am very different from her, I admire her honesty, and also her reasoning for how she picked her husband.


Who the hell cares what Snail said or wanted or needed from her husband? I didn't name any one person in particular because my observation came from several pages of reading about different peoples' "quirks" in other people. It's got nothing to do with her in particular but just about every post before mine. With the exception of @*KINGoftheAMAZONS* and @*Cosmic Orgasm* almost everyone else's post strikes of massively unhealthy behavior and attractions. That's why I said what I said.



> My list was actually pretty brief, and it pertained entirely to real relationship I have had. Yes, I do perceive these petty or demanding or bossy men as controlling. I have dated people who were not controlling at all, but I end up attached to more dominant or bossy people. That's a way of being controlling. If Black Panties had it his way, id probably be on a strict paleo diet and run marathons. Shampoo Bottle acted out because I was a half hour late, not because I stayed out all night, and got drunk one evening and dragged me down the hall by my hair. Guess why we are not together anymore?
> 
> Even in my narrative about my most recent person, I attempted to reflect on it and understand it, and indicate I don't see us married. But I acknowledge that I.like controlling partners, because I am not a LIAR.


Here's a clinician's definition of a controlling relationship:


> A Controller is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship.




http://www.mentalhealthce.com/courses/contentCR/secCR16.html

What you've described does not fall within the range of being defined as controlling, but rather demanding. Those two are quite far apart.

So you're honest with yourself, good for you. That does not, however, deem it healthy of the individual you chose for a relationship or conducive to the relationship itself.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

android654 said:


> You mean am I living with someone? Engaged? Not that it has anything to do with this clear observation laid out here, but I'm only casually involved with someone right now.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Said the guy in a casual relationship.

I am SO relieved my partners are only "demanding." Pardon me for not meeting your Ti dictionary definition of controlling. Whew.


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## Grad0507 (Dec 12, 2013)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> you want an 8w7 or a 3w4


What about 4w3 or 7w8?


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

KINGoftheAMAZONS said:


> Hmm that depends._* Are you completely unrelenting in the way you express yourself? If I told you to "tone it down", would you respond by telling me to go fuck myself if I couldn't accept you as you are?*_ If your answer is yes to both of these questions, then I would absolutely consider you to be one of the fanatical/revolutionary types that I would bend over for without a second thought. And now that I think about it, this trait kind of relates back to when I said that I "_*love weirdos, freaks, geeks, nerds, and outcasts*_". Surely such people would be the poster-children for self expression? roud:


Hahahahaaha!

Yes.. well I might not say "go fuck yourself," because I don't even see the point. I express myself the way I please and that's all there is to it. I am feisty as hell and 'no holds barred' in an argument, but in general I am not usually _mean_. However my self-expression and creative work and my personal choices are _my territory_. If someone backs me into a corner and tries to manipulate me, then they're basically backing a tiger into a corner and I will bite them where they're most vulnerable until they finally fess up their true motive. It never takes me long to get a confession out of someone who is trying to manipulate me or control me. And once they have exposed themselves, of their own accord, then I respectfully let them go back to their life, and 99% of the time they never want to talk to me again because I have exposed them for what they are. I cannot be manipulated or controlled even in the smallest way, I am allergic to manipulation. 

So I don't mind if someone respectfully, straight-forwardly suggests something different for my creative approach, knowing that I probably won't listen, or I'll argue with them in a very feisty manner until I understand where they're coming from. @_Harpyja_  In fact, if someone can endure that, and cares enough about me and my work to continue arguing and deal with my feisty passion and relentless questioning, then I have the utmost respect for them, and I will love them eternally. And those type of people - with such strength and self-assurance - are usually the ones who end up having great suggestions that end up changing my work for the better, once I process it. But if someone is trying to manipulatively FORCE me to change my expression, ie, tredding on my territory to try to dominate, they will get nothing short of this:










and if they don't back down, I will finish what I start.




















roud:


My songs & stories are my children, and I will defend them to the death. My personal expression - my room, my clothes, my lifestyle... is my soul. My body is a vessel for my spirit. And my spirit should not need to be defended, but it speaks for itself. It is what it is, and attempts to change something that is true and real will not work; they will only lead to exposure of what is fake and forced and comes from ill motives.

But the other side of that coin is that if something is truly missing from my work or my expression of myself, and someone points it out, I will argue, explaining why I am right.. and eventually, the argument will expose the truth: that my approach needs to be changed. So the 'exposure of truth through argument and confrontation' works both ways. This is why argument can be productive - in weeding out who cares about you and who wants to manipulate you, and also, in weeding out what is wrong with your work or what you are doing that hurts someone else. The truth always comes out, and I don't stop until it does.


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## Harpyja (Aug 3, 2013)

Animal said:


> So I don't mind if someone respectfully, straight-forwardly suggests something different for my creative approach, knowing that I probably won't listen, or I'll argue with them in a very feisty manner until I understand where they're coming from. @_Harpyja_  In fact, if someone can endure that, and cares enough about me and my work to continue arguing and deal with my feisty passion and relentless questioning, then I have the utmost respect for them, and I will love them eternally. And those type of people - with such strength and self-assurance - are usually the ones who end up having great suggestions that end up changing my work for the better, once I process it. But if someone is trying to manipulatively FORCE me to change my expression, ie, tredding on my territory to try to dominate, they will get nothing short of this:


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

ameeker said:


> What about 4w3 or 7w8?


a more assertive 4w3 could work.

as for 7w8, maybe one kinda like this:


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

A pair of fucking balls. surprisingly, not all that common.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Oh this is an interesting thread. The variety in preferences is so fun to observe. 
Hm anyway, let's see what I can think of:

I need my partner to be intelligent and intellectual. This is seriously _so_ damn important for me and those two traits can make or break how attractive I find someone. Somehow it's really easy for me to overlook if a person is physically my type if I find they have an intriguing mind. I want us to always be able to have deep conversations, and I'd love if my partner thinks beautifully and expansively about things. I don't like the needlessly nitpicky sort of intellectual.

I'm not fond of boisterous loudmouths, or even the outgoing ones who try to keep spirits high or whatever. In a relationship I prefer to be the one doing the keeping-spirits-high thing, so I prefer a partner who is receptive to that sort of thing and is generally introverted and not given to that themselves. I want the sort of person who is nice and polite in public but actually doesn't give a shit about socialization for its sake. Preferably someone who makes fewer connections, but deep ones.

My partner shouldn't be selfless and care about people too easily. I want them to be more on the selfish side, and they should take a long time to care, but care well and deep when they do. I don't want someone who turns everything into a joke; I take things seriously often and I want my partner to be that way too. They should be the mellow, calm sort of person who I can still argue with (about logical stuff, I don't want emotional rifts). Seriously though, someone who can carry a good argument relentlessly is very attractive, and I don't even mind losing because that sort of argument is exciting. So are power games, by the way. I want to be able to play those with my partner. If I can't, it's no fun. They should also enjoy sarcastic and snappish verbal battles.

Speaking of power, I don't really want someone highly ambitious and career-oriented. They shouldn't have lofty and unrealistic ideals either. Of course it's a huge plus if they're well placed in life and have good money, but if they don't, it doesn't matter. I have enough ambition for both of us anyway. I simply want someone capable and good at what they do. Really good, and popular for it too, but not too bothered about thriving on that attention. 

I'd like if they have a sort of hidden competitive and power-hungry streak that isn't apparent until brought to light; when challenged, for instance. That sort of repressed tendency to savagery is very attractive. Otherwise, they should be rather passive, observant and contemplative. Also, emotionally intense and tormented, to a degree. Slightly dark works too. Someone who depends on me for feeling better about things, and who needs some sort of optimistic motivation. 

As for appearance, I don't have very specific body types in mind, but preferably they dress simply, with only a couple of accessories and a little makeup to accentuate their outfit, so they look striking but in a dark, receding sort of way. 

Extra things; should be good at video games and at playing an instrument (preferably the piano)

Maybe I'm very picky but I've met people like this, and I know they're not impossible standards. Also, everyone has something new to them that could surprise me and probably make me change my standards, so I don't deny that possibility either x)


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

Harpyja said:


> View attachment 89213


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

WildImagineer said:


> A girl who makes me organize my shit. I pretty much rely on people in this area or my world will collapse. (plus i find it kind of sexy)


I love organizing stuff!!! ;D This makes my day because most people would be angry at me if I tried to organize their stuff. But I've lived in rooms where I designed them & they weren't built yet etc, and even looking at the skeleton I already knew where all my furniture would fit. I have a great eye for how to organize in a tiny space without throwing anything out - though I am also good at knowing what to throw out. This is a specialty.. I would do it for a profession if I weren't allergic to cats and dogs and dust. But usually wth boyfriends I just keep my mouth shut, because it doesn't particularly bother me unless the mess makes it way into *my* room. Still, it's fun  and I thought everyone would hate that about me.



Nonsense said:


> Two predators together can make for an interesting dynamic though. ;P


I am a predator and I also love being preyed on by someone who can dominate me.



android654 said:


> With the exception of @*KINGoftheAMAZONS* and @*Cosmic Orgasm* almost everyone else's post strikes of massively unhealthy behavior and attractions. That's why I said what I said.


I don't think there's anything unhealthy about my list. I said I want someone who is in touch with their rage *in the bedroom* but doesn't take it out on me otherwise. I said I want someone who enjoys arguing *about something philosophical* but is respectful about personal matters. I said I want someone "not PC" because they would think for themselves rather than follow the herd. There is nothing unhealthy about that. It could also be viewed as 'unhealthy' to keep your rage in. People who aren't in touch with their inner beast let it out at all the wrong times and they can be the most dangerous. What my list really means, is I want someone intelligent, insightful, and honest with themselves about their humanity, but who is in control of how they let out their 'inner beast' because they KNOW the beast and they are its master, rather than the other way around. There is absolutely nothing unhealthy about it, if I may say so myself. In fact, it takes a surprising amount of self-reflection and self-actualization to be in touch with such things, and wield it well.

Some of the other lists were along these lines too. People want a trait like 'in touch with their rage' because they have seen that someone who resists their rage can let it out at the wrong times. People might want someone 'controlling' because they are sick of pushovers who don't know what they want and are afraid of expressing their own opinion (namely 98% of the male population at least in my area). Think a bit deeper, think about WHY people might find this stuff attractive. It's not necessarily unhealthy just because the shallow explanation of a trait might not look like some unrealistic ideal. Like "a person who is never angry, who never pisses anyone off and who never argues with me." Really? You want to date a mannequin?

Before you judge, you might want to ask someone why or what is really behind it. You might be surprised at what you find.

All that being said, your original comment about people needing therapy really cracked me up. It was hilarious!! But I just wanted to comment on the overall mentality that followed.




ameeker said:


> What about 4w3 or 7w8?


Is that sexy? I am a 4w3 with a 7w8 fix 



NK said:


> A pair of fucking balls. surprisingly, not all that common.


Absolutely. This is basically the sum total of what I said I wanted on my own list.



Swordsman of Mana said:


> @_OrangeAppled_
> 
> I'm similar, though I like the 9-ish/p6-ish variety of "goody-goods: whereas you seem to like more the 1-ish variety. me going after a bad boy would make about as much sense as a a predator eating another predator.


I had the same reaction to @_OrangeAppled_'s list: "She wants to date a 1" .. haha.  Not to be stereotypical or suggest that is necessarily the case, but it just struck me.


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## FreedomTickler (Sep 16, 2012)

A pulse XD


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Animal said:


> I am a predator and I also love being preyed on by someone who can dominate me.


I think two preys together could be a bit tricky...


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@_android654_

I don't get what the brouhaha over that comment is all about. It's not such a big fuckin deal if you think some of the so-called 'quirks' people have talked about aren't exactly healthy. 

If I were in the mood for drama, I'd tag some people, but again, it's their biz so whatever. I did roll my eyes severely at some of the dumbass points people have made on this thread. I wouldn't say that only KOA and I had somewhat healthy posts. I'd add a a couple others to the list such as @_Animal_ and @_OrangeAppled_. But, that's not the main point here.

I'll give you an example. I have a friend IRL (went to UNI with her) who is a condescending oblivious hippy jackass with the most unrealistic expectations that she is super vocal about (that part I admire); however, she's married to this doctor guy who is pretty decent looking, financially secure, ambitious and and more. So, she bleated for years about the kind of guy she is attracted to, and then ended up marrying the total opposite, and continues to spew patronizing shit about other people's choice. The fact is it's easy to be a good-for-fuckin-nothing hippy retard when you have a practical partner securing all your needs. 

I don't see why anyone feels the need to lose their shit over your personal opinion. I found it pretty funny, and I would have even if you hadn't named me as among the more healthy seeming peeps. I thought it was hilarious. Who gives a shit. Geez.


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## Grad0507 (Dec 12, 2013)

Animal said:


> Is that sexy? I am a 4w3 with a 7w8 fix


Everyone is sexy in their own way. I don't think that was really related to sexiness. It was more related to compatibility.


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