# Enneatype 3 and sexual instict



## newbie const (Nov 26, 2015)

Due to insufficient and often incorrect information,I have longed for making a thread about type 3s ins variant.Let's start:
sx 3s in general:more authentic than other 3s[some associate sx 3s with plastic identity,I disagree]
3w2 sx/so:Most charismatic,diva-ish and iconic 3.Often found in glamour industry.
3w2 sx/sp:Ultimate countertype of 3[along with sp/sx 3w2].Contradictory,moodier and dry especially if have 1 fix.
3w4 sx/so:Most emotional 3,probably the most artistic.This type fits sx3 description most.


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## newbie const (Nov 26, 2015)

3w4 sx/sp:Along with 3w4 sp/so,the most introverted 3.Most likely to be mistyped as 4,I think a lot of pseudo 4s belong to this subtype.
Some more info:
sx 3 with 8 fix:Most intense 3.Rarest of all 3s.Most impulsive.
9 fixrobably the most mellow 3.Dislikes conflict.Socialite folks mostly.
1 fix:if sx 1 fixed and sx/sp,this subtype is very critical and think they know.They dislike conflict,but they feel compelled to fix whats wrong also.Soc-last 3s are least like typical 3s.Mistype can happen easily.


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## cir (Oct 4, 2013)

Overall rating: Too many superficial keywords for incredibly specific subtypes. Needs more depth.



newbie const said:


> Due to insufficient and often incorrect information,I have longed for making a thread about type 3s ins variant.Let's start:


 Personality descriptions will never be sufficient, because there's no way words from mere individuals can capture the fully dynamic behavior of people. General descriptions are pretty much the best they will ever be.

On the other hand, if you find something that is incorrect, it would be nice if you stated what that was and why you think that's incorrect.


> sx 3s in general:more authentic than other 3s[some associate sx 3s with plastic identity,I disagree]


 So you simply disagree with something, provide no explanation, and expect that to be convincing?

In this page, under "Intimate Threes", "They may be drawn to plastic surgery, keeping their bodies fit and attractive." I find that completely believable, because boob jobs.

"Contradictory" is *not* a word I would ever use to describe the "ultimate countertype" of three, because an average three of both wings are generally contradictory somewhere. I find that as threes of both wings and all three dominant stacks disintegrate, the number of contradictions and ambiguities from them increases.

Where? In the area of their first instinct. Recently:

sx-dom three
In denial about why he is divorced (for the third time before 35 years of age) and lost custody of his kids. Wondered why his last wife became physically abusive to him.
Hint: this guy hates liars and cheaters, and every single person he dated was a liar and/or cheater. He asked me if I used Ashley Madison.

Same example above, contradictory loop about the value of marriage and whether he want to get married. Again. Also contradictory loop about whether he wants to be single or in a relationship.
While completely overlooking the part where, perhaps, many women might find it unattractive to become his *fourth* wife. He's only 35!

Still the same example above. He was a former coworker of mine. Claimed to have read the HR policies for our workplace. In the same conversation, immediately afterwards, he starts sexually harassing me.

sp-dom three
Contradictory denial about the difference between officially-prescribed medications for legitimate needs vs manipulating the doctor to get them. This guy is on a whole other level though, because his goals are pain meds.
When I told them I'm on meds, he credit/blame my accomplishments on those drugs. *And then he says the reason my personality is a certain way is because I'm on those drugs*. And I told him to go fuck himself.

In denial about how generous his boss is. Uncertain about whether he will ever be promoted out of hourly contractor status into a full time salaried employee. Contradictory loop about whether it's more valuable for him to be an hourly contractor vs salaried employee. TMI when he tells me how he intends on manipulating his taxes.

so-dom three
In denial about why he was fired from his previous job. As a person in management, exploits underlings and sets them up for failure. Contradicting what a good manager should do, which is support and help develop the underling, instead of using them as scapegoats for a project's failure.


Contradictions mean they can't make up their mind. I would think the "ultimate countertype" of three is one with a stronger connection to point six (the mind/head) than point nine (frozen in indecision and inaction).

You broke everything down by wings, then by instinctive stacking (to the second stack), and then by fixes. And then you gave incredibly subjective and superficial descriptions (ego-vanity. vanity -> superficial) to describe an incredibly specific subtype. Without even accounting for how outer appearances change as a function of health... I find your analysis to be flawed and insufficient because the instinctive stacking is the most easily overridden aspect of behavior. Everyone has all three instincts working within them. If the situation demands for social instincts, then a three is going to be using social-three logic, regardless of where in the instinctive stack it is located.


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

Type three is often a very underrated and unfairly demonized type although I agree with the above poster that your breakdown of the type was too simplistic. You're not wrong in stating that sexual 3s tend to be more romantic on average (it often manifests in highlighting their partner's reputation rather than their own) or that w2 is more charismatic and multifaceted while a 4 wing gives any core 3 a more brooding energy. It's a very 4-like subtype with a strong artistic and melancholic vibe, less focused on status and more focused on legacy and crafting their own lives.

From personal experience, most of these statements are correct although it's just the tip of the iceberg.
The peculiarity of type 3 is that it's a lot more 9-like than people assume. Strong, narcissistic power seeking behind appearances fits type 2 a lot better due to their strong line to 8. Type 3s are a lot more calculated and adaptive, often mellow on purpose although it's a very enterprising and quick witted type. Appearing good and navigating/manipulating the social scene always takes the priority so it's not uncommon for a 3 to hide their real thoughts and only share them with a partner at a safe distance.

Social last 3s are the least stereotypical three-like 3s, especially with a strong 4 wing.

Least but not last, the deception aspect in 3s is often misinterpreted.
Both vanity and deception are geared toward the self, hidden from most people.
The struggle of a 3 is the conflict between their real self and thoughts and the public image they need to maintain. This is why the disengagement and fear of losing oneself. Most sx 3s tend to be seeking the ideal partner who can see through their image without endangering it. 

There's a lot of struggle with trust (line to 6) and deliberate carefulness.


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## newbie const (Nov 26, 2015)

Yes,I appreciate all your views about my post..I wish I could be able to give a better description..but its not possible right now because I can not post long threads using my prehistorical cell phone..
And if I have to ensure depth I will have to write all day long.And yes..type 3 is very misrepresented.Seems people are determined to throw their dumps on this type..


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## psyche (Jan 5, 2011)

I dated a 3w4 with a sexual subtype about two and a half years ago... It startled me how dramatic the contrast was between how he behaved publicly and how he behaved when it was just me. I mean, he still had the tracking eyes and he tried extremely hard to figure out what it was I wanted so that I would not see him as lacking, but when he wasn't up to that he would make flippant remarks about all his insecurities and contradictions and whatnot. I could definitely see how shame is the underlying feeling with 3's, thinking about him... In fact in my experience, when I have actually witnessed 3's really open up (which has been a very rare experience), they seem to easily be the most likely type to romanticize suicide and dying under stress. It's like they're so attached to the image that they're not even entirely conscious there's still a human being behind it.


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## cir (Oct 4, 2013)

newbie const said:


> And if I have to ensure depth I will have to write all day long.


 So you complain about "*insufficient* and often incorrect information" on threes, and when you're in a position to do something about it, complain about needing to write something that ensures depth, which would start addressing the "vanity" aspect of type threes or the "insufficient and often incorrect information" you complained about.

You don't have to write everything in one sitting. You could always write little bits over time, and when it looks good enough, show it to the world for feedback.

To make your life easier, ignore the second instinct and fixes and just work on these: (3s overall, 3w2, 3w4, sx3, sp3, so3) from range of unhealthy to healthy. Focus on underlying motives and how it's seen by others.

When people read the instinctive descriptions of their types, they tend to only read the top one or two instinct descriptions that are most relevant to them and continue to neglect the instinct in their blind spot. What people forget is that everyone has all three instincts, so all three instinctive descriptions apply to everyone within that type, just in different proportions and frequency.

Also, leave out fixes. They really only come into play for integrating/healthy individuals, and it's going to work similarly to instinct stacks. Different aspects of their fixes come into play at different times with different weights; other aspects may not factor as much because they're fixes rather than core. In some cases, the fixes just exacerbate a bug/feature found in the core type. In other cases, the fixes balances out a neglected area in the core type.


> And yes..type 3 is very misrepresented.Seems people are determined to throw their dumps on this type..


 Have you read the personality descriptions of the other types? Most personality descriptions aren't flattering because they're supposed to be wake-up calls as to how people's personality drives them on auto-pilot. In this forum, threes are just underrepresented.

Shame is about the reasons that people hate themselves, and one of three's wings is "ego-flattery". All threes think of themselves as better than they really are in some aspects of their lives, though this aspect tends to be more obvious in 3w2s. Three's other wing is "ego-melancholy". All threes think of themselves as even worse than they really are in some aspects of their lives, though this aspect tends to be more obvious in 3w4s.

Image triad:

Twos correspond with public image. Twos's deception, pride, results in inflating their own sense of self-worth. Humiliation can induce feelings of shame, which happens when there's a difference between one's public image and one's actual stature (or "true self").
Pride is considered the "deadliest" vice. Here's an extra explanation on why flattery is deceptive from "How to Win Friends and Influence People":
"In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.

The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned."

Threes correspond to the authentic self, which is the alignment of public image, stature, and self-image. In classic ego-vanity deception, threes tend to think their surface-level traits are reflective of their actual status. Regardless of which wing a three has, threes, like all triangle types, need to find the balance between both wings.
Fours correspond to self-image. Four's deception, envy, results in deflating their own sense of self-worth. Shame is the emotion that inspires people to *do* their best. "Do", as in "taking action" and not "temptation: to overuse imagination in search of self". Hence integration to point one.
Healthy people of all types increasingly resemble each other. Healthy people of all types know when and how to switch between different instincts as necessary. It should not be obvious to other people what their instinct stacking really is. Average people of all types tend to be a bit rough on the appropriate time and place for different instinctive strategies.

Unhealthy sx-threes may focus on their personal romantic relationships at the expense of the rest of their social lives, including other friends and family. Their goal is in becoming "the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend" or "the perfect husband/wife".
Unhealthy sp-threes may focus on their jobs at the expense of the rest of their lives. Tend to be willing to be exploited at work if it means there's even a chance that they can get a raise or promoted. Their goal is in becoming "too valuable to let go".
Unhealthy so-threes may focus on what they are willing to sacrifice for the rest of the group, and expects everyone else to similarly make those sacrifices. Their goal is in becoming a member of a prestigious group and having exclusive, highly-valued associations.
Threes, in general:

Unhealthy: Become too attached to comfortable values, and as a result, find difficulty in adjusting when they find that others don't value those things in the same way they do. Tend to fall "behind with the times".
Healthy: Are willing to let go of previous attachments and able to acquire appreciation for new and different values. Are actually adaptable and able to keep up to date on what is considered acceptable.
Unhealthy: Has completely different personalities and personas around different groups of people. Tries to keep those groups of people apart as often as possible, perhaps, because those different personas around different groups rely on completely contradictory assumptions. Two-faced.
Shame is the emotion of disconnection between people.
Healthy: Understands and accepts that different situations calls for different decorum. Because a healthy three is in touch with their true selves, there would not be any issues if different people within their different cliques interact with each other, because expectations underlying those different social scenarios do not rely on contradictory assumptions.
3w2:

Unhealthy: Assumes that other people are motivated by the same things they are. Wants others to become like the 3w2 so that the 3w2 can exercise the power of rejection over them.
Healthy: Treats others as the 3w2s themselves would like to be treated: with compassion and patience. Tries to mediate and resolve situations that would lead to people being unable to do their best, achieve, and thrive. Tries to find win-win solutions in conflicts so that everyone's grievances are addressed in as fair of a manner as possible.
3w4:

Unhealthy: Tend to be overly focused on the ways in which they are totally replaceable and completely forgettable. Also, tend to be overly focused on finding their true selves. Tend to go "there was nothing I can do about this" in regards to a bad situation they are in, while completely ignoring responsibility for their in/actions that lead to those problems in the first place.
Healthy: Found a balance between who they are as representatives of a particular society and who they are as individuals. Because they are able to stand out in a positive manner, people don't want to forget about them. Understands that being able to identify their flaws and taking responsible actions to address those flaws builds strength of character.


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## newbie const (Nov 26, 2015)

You are right..and yeah I do have read other types description.But I am again saying that type 3s description is unflattering enough to dishearten a person.Type 6 and type 9 description is also the same.
And you definitely know better than me.I frankly admit it..besides I urge you to start a thread about this one..
[It is hurting because English is not my native language.And I never really write casual English except in this forum.
N.B:You are so frank and domineering]


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## cir (Oct 4, 2013)

newbie const said:


> You are right..and yeah I do have read other types description.But I am again saying that type 3s description is unflattering enough to dishearten a person.Type 6 and type 9 description is also the same.
> And you definitely know better than me.I frankly admit it..besides I urge you to start a thread about this one..
> [It is hurting because English is not my native language.And I never really write casual English except in this forum.
> N.B:You are so frank and domineering]


 Look, I am also disappointed in how threes are underrepresented. In real life, they're everywhere. At the same time, threes collectively represent the best of us and the worst of us. In this forum, many of them genuinely think they're other types. I do my best to try to adjust their portrayal to something more genuinely positive while still preserving the very real problems their flaws present: to themselves, to people around them, and to society in general.

But ultimately, better portrayals of threes must ultimately come from threes themselves. Lack of honest descriptions of themselves will only compound the problems of other people misunderstanding that type. I can only do so much as a sympathizer and empathizer. There's only so much I can personally validate as someone with a three fix. Not to mention, I am a "servant of the whole", and I try to spread this balancing portrayal to my main type, head fix seven, and to the rest of the enneagram. I do better as a magical wish-granting fairy than someone who starts threads. Besides, I appreciate the power of iterative improvements (3), and while I find me repeating myself often, I find opportunities to address previously unaddressed flaws in my thinking or approach, and I try to improve the ways I present my ideas.

Honestly, when I read a type three's description, I think, "That's not that bad. Those don't seem like real problems to me. What are they complaining about?" Even though I do truly understand that many of them are pretty miserable people deep down inside. When I read a type six's description, it never fails to escape me that having a real sense of belonging to a community isn't terribly hard for them. I'm impressed by their ability to balance rationality with emotional considerations. And since they're the among the most numerous type, if not _the_ most numerous type, as far as I know, they generally can manifest power based on collective population. When I read a type nine's description, it never fails to escape me that, overall, they're generally agreeable, usually get what they need in life, and people generally like them. Like they very flexibly manifest power in a supportive-but-invisible way, and there's power in subtleties.

The fantasy that the grass is greener on the other side is just an illusion created by cleverly staged light tricks.


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## newbie const (Nov 26, 2015)

I totally agree.Type 3s are one of the types that confuses their type most.Even I am not sure if I am sx 3 or sx 1w9..
You are describing the things I wanted to know..so thanks.I am not an expert..rather I love to hear insights from people who know better.
Personality theories actually cant cover all aspects of a human being..even if they are unified.Thats why I love to type behaviour..Human beings are very confusing indeed..
I do this for fun[ENTP side].?So I always include trait patterns lol...


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