# How do ENTJs work sexually?



## ossierobacow (Nov 13, 2011)

I've been interested in a certain ENTJ for a really long time, and I think he's been interested in me too. We've always really clicked, I think; we have great debates, and sometimes I win - which surprises you him. The first time I really stood up to him in an argument was when he started to make an effort to be around me and talk.

We both just got out of relationships, we started talking more often, and then this week, we slept together.
BUT - he was really unaffectionate physically. He hardly touched me except for going straight to business. That was the first time we've kissed or anything.
I know ENTJs don't express emotion verbally, and neither do I, but I express it physically. Do ENTJs shy away from physical affection too? Or are they nervous to let people know if they're serious?

We've just talked once since, and I started the conversation (but he was definitely putting thought/effort into keeping it going).

Is being unaffectionate a bad sign? No kiss goodnight, no hug goodnight, and he wanted to take me home instead of having me spend the night. But - he's put a lot of time and effort into getting to know me, and we're pretty good friends.

I just don't know whether he's aiming for a friends with benefits thing, for a relationship, or if he just wanted that to be a one-time thing.

Can an ENTJs or people who've been involved with them explain?! Over-thinking overload for this INTP!


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## BusinessMan (Apr 21, 2011)

I'm ENTP, not ENTJ, but from the ENTJs I know it's pretty rare for them to aim for friends with benefits. They prefer relationships, as they have pretty rigid views of right and wrong.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

ossierobacow said:


> I've been interested in a certain ENTJ for a really long time, and I think he's been interested in me too. We've always really clicked, I think; we have great debates, and sometimes I win - which surprises you him. The first time I really stood up to him in an argument was when he started to make an effort to be around me and talk.
> 
> We both just got out of relationships, we started talking more often, and then this week, we slept together.
> BUT - he was really unaffectionate physically. He hardly touched me except for going straight to business. That was the first time we've kissed or anything.
> ...


You're over-thinking it! The two of you have recently become intimate, and before that had never even kissed so he's likely disillusioned from everything that's built up to that moment (You know, the anticipation being better than the event). If the two of you click well together, then it's certain that there's more to the relationship than simply being friends-with-benefits or it being a hit-and-run. Stop over-analyzing your relation with him and just enjoy each other's company.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

They want it on their desk by 2pm or you're fired.


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

It is very early in your relationship, and in my experience ENTJs can take their time while building/assessing/being sure of what they want. Once they've made up their mind, though, they're usually quite blunt about what they're feeling and will then become more comfortable being physically affectionate. If you're feeling unsure, you could just be upfront and ask them about what happened.


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

They work efficiently I imagine.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

BusinessMan said:


> I'm ENTP, not ENTJ, but from the ENTJs I know it's pretty rare for them to aim for friends with benefits. They prefer relationships, as they have pretty rigid views of right and wrong.


This. And, to clarify, I have rigid views of what's right and wrong *for me*. I'm not an SJ; I don't impose those standards on others at all when making judgments of them. I also don't think that all ENTJs would have a problem with casual sex; I'm sure it depends on the individual. I do prefer relationships however. In fact, that's the only way I'd really be interested unless you caught me on a really weird day.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

funcoolname said:


> It is very early in your relationship, and in my experience ENTJs can take their time while building/assessing/being sure of what they want. Once they've made up their mind, though, they're usually quite blunt about what they're feeling and will then become more comfortable being physically affectionate. If you're feeling unsure, you could just be upfront and ask them about what happened.


This, and very much so.

I've never had sexual relations outside of a committed relationship. However, I've thought about what I'd do in that situation a few times. My conclusion is that if I were not sure about the other person (relationship? worth it? future possibilities?, etc), I'd act just like OP described her ENTJ acting. I'd likely participate, but I'd leave out the good stuff. The physical affection is weakness. I don't allow someone to see weakness unless I *really* trust them.

To OP: I know that you are an INTP, so I think you can handle and process that information without getting your feelings hurt. Just because he doesn't trust you yet doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, or won't trust you in the future. Just keep being there and being dependable. If you don't like something about this fledgling potential relationship, tell him straight up what you think. We don't try to read minds, but we do try to solve problems.


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## Donkey D Kong (Feb 14, 2011)

Consensual sex in the missionary position.


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

Sovereign said:


> The physical affection is weakness. I don't allow someone to see weakness unless I *really* trust them.
> 
> To OP: I know that you are an INTP, so I think you can handle and process that information without getting your feelings hurt. Just because he doesn't trust you yet doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, or won't trust you in the future. Just keep being there and being dependable. If you don't like something about this fledgling potential relationship, tell him straight up what you think. We don't try to read minds, but we do try to solve problems.


 This is part of why I love ENTJs, you have to work a little but it's worth it and things unfold naturally without being forced. I think being honest aka probably vulnerable with them (when you feel comfortable with it) makes them lower their guard a bit too in return. And not just for ENTJs, but anyone who is healthy but a little less trusting of people. I know because I'm pretty sure I am one. And honesty is important in relationships anyway.


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## ossierobacow (Nov 13, 2011)

Thank you guys!

That makes a lot of sense - later that night I definitely felt disillusioned. We've been pursuing each other off-and-on for about four years, so there was a lot of anticipation built up. Andy Warhol - "Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting."

He definitely has a rigid sense of right and wrong that's surprised me before. He's pretty liberal/accepting, but once he made a comment about open relationships and how he just thought they were too strange to touch. I could imagine him not being comfortable with a friends-with-benefits relationship, but - at the same time - he jokes about promiscuity a lot.

I was being a lot more physically affectionate, I think. He didn't seem to mind or to try to make me stop, he just was being much more... efficient. That makes sense. He would definitely be the kind of person to not want to think of emotions as a weakness.

I am very glad I'm T in situations like this! I don't think anything he could do at this point would hurt me emotionally - I just get frustrated when I can't figure out his point of view.


I agree with *funcoolname* - you ENTJs have to be some of the most fascinating people. I have never met someone as complex and interesting as this guy; his personality feels like a puzzle, and no one I know -even his close friends- really feel like they understand him completely.
The fastest way for me to become interested in someone is for them to be difficult to figure out - I spend so much time trying to figure them out that I am just dying to talk to them and learn more about them.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

funcoolname said:


> This is part of why I love ENTJs, you have to work a little but it's worth it and things unfold naturally without being forced. I think being honest aka probably vulnerable with them (when you feel comfortable with it) makes them lower their guard a bit too in return. And not just for ENTJs, but anyone who is healthy but a little less trusting of people. I know because I'm pretty sure I am one. And honesty is important in relationships anyway.


Yeah. I respond if someone shows me vulnerability (without it being over-the-top weakness, which I don't much like). If I don't show any vulnerability to you in return, it creates awkwardness. You would almost 'awkward' me into being more open with you. I generally don't mind it. However, if it's too soon, I might choose the awkwardness. You just have to execute it correctly, and I'm not the ultimate in sympathy if you fail. lol


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

ossierobacow said:


> Thank you guys!
> 
> That makes a lot of sense - later that night I definitely felt disillusioned. We've been pursuing each other off-and-on for about four years, so there was a lot of anticipation built up. Andy Warhol - "Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting."
> 
> ...


Good. That went over like I had hoped. :happy:

Yeah. We're..... odd. I mean, you all know how _weird_ the INTJs are. We're like them, but maybe just a bit better adjusted. roud:


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

I really don't think any generalizations can be made. Everyone is different.

I did find it rather amusing however, after I had sex with an ENTJ he said "My brain is flooded with endorphins making me ridiculously happy!"

I'd take that over "I love you" any day!


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## Miss Scarlet (Jul 26, 2010)

Spades said:


> I really don't think any generalizations can be made. Everyone is different.
> 
> I did find it rather amusing however, after I had sex with an ENTJ he said "My brain is flooded with endorphins making me ridiculously happy!"
> 
> I'd take that over "I love you" any day!


LOLOL! That is such an ENTJ thing to say!


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

The guy just met you, c'mon. =P

Anyhow, I usually enter in those kinds of flings with the sole intent of messing around, but if it turns out we both crave each other's company on a consistent basis, that's when we get into relationship territory.

So just enjoy yourself, and don't expect anything, but if it ends up turning into something more, awesome.


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## ossierobacow (Nov 13, 2011)

dagnytaggart said:


> The guy just met you, c'mon. =P
> 
> Anyhow, I usually enter in those kinds of flings with the sole intent of messing around, but if it turns out we both crave each other's company on a consistent basis, that's when we get into relationship territory.
> 
> So just enjoy yourself, and don't expect anything, but if it ends up turning into something more, awesome.


We've been friends for five years, actually, and we been flirting since we met. We just both had other relationships most of the time, but we hung out and talked.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

Spades said:


> I really don't think any generalizations can be made. Everyone is different.
> 
> I did find it rather amusing however, after I had sex with an ENTJ he said "My brain is flooded with endorphins making me ridiculously happy!"
> 
> I'd take that over "I love you" any day!


I would so say that. If I ever have the good fortune of rolling in the hay with an INTJ, I'll use it. =P


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

They have penises and vaginas like every other type (except for rare genetic exceptions, which can occur randomly across the personality spectrum).

How they choose to use those penises and vaginas will vary from individual to individual depending on preferences for either the opposite sex, or their own, and who within that dating pool they found attractive, often because of things which occurred in lives before the age of six.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

ossierobacow said:


> We've been friends for five years, actually, and we been flirting since we met. We just both had other relationships most of the time, but we hung out and talked.


The two of you sound like a great couple. Glad it's worked out for you then!








Spades said:


> I really don't think any generalizations can be made. Everyone is different.
> 
> I did find it rather amusing however, after I had sex with an ENTJ he said "My brain is flooded with endorphins making me ridiculously happy!"
> 
> I'd take that over "I love you" any day!


No you wouldn't, don't lie.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

MisterNi said:


> No you wouldn't, don't lie.


How am I lying? Telling someone you love them after sex is so superficial, especially when it was only the 2nd time or so.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Spades said:


> How am I lying? Telling someone you love them after sex is so superficial, especially when it was only the 2nd time or so.


So when wouldn't it be considered superficial? Because it sounds like you're assuming it'd be superficial so it must be fake when other people say it.

But yeah, I do get your point. It can come off as sounding fake if said at the wrong time.


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## Arbite (Dec 26, 2010)

I would imagine they work the same way as everyone else. The guy sticks his 'whatsit' in the womans 'hooha', then babies.

In all seriousness though, the ENTJ's I've known are very methodical with their relationships. They aren't ones to jump into something big straight away.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

MisterNi said:


> So when wouldn't it be considered superficial? Because it sounds like you're assuming it'd be superficial so it must be fake when other people say it.
> 
> But yeah, I do get your point. It can come off as sounding fake if said at the wrong time.


Sorry, I was really snappy because I was in a rush and un-caffeinated =P

But yeah, I thought it was awesome that he was honest as to why he was feeling like that. When people feel good after sex it's not uncommon to blurt things out because you're feeling a strong chemical attraction.


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## ossierobacow (Nov 13, 2011)

And - a slight update - he started a conversation with me since. We both acknowledged that our weeks have been really busy. It sounded like a, "If you and I didn't both have huge texts tomorrow, we'd hang out! But... we do. Wish me luck."

Thank you guys. I know feel much more comfortable that things are happening slowly (and I prefer it - I was just wondering if that meant he wasn't interested at all). The only big relationship I've been in was with one of the strongest Fs I know, and he made it super clear from the beginning that he wanted to be my boyfriend, that hanging out was a date, and that he liked me. So - my only experience in interpreting what guys are trying for is from him. Obviously, this ENTJ is completely different, and it seems a lot more like he is interested in something, though not sure about it.


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## ossierobacow (Nov 13, 2011)

Oh, and I would be so excited if someone told me that they felt great because of endorphins because of sex. Last time someone told me they loved me, I had a huge sinking feeling in my stomach and felt horribly uncomfortable. Precise wordings (and a lack of hasty conclusions) are so much better.


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## xTheCaramelQueenx (Jun 19, 2014)

ENTJ? Psh...that's probably the kinkiest type out there. No lie. Every single ENTJ I know outkinks me, and lemme tell you-- that is HARD.


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## Stawker (Nov 30, 2016)

xTheCaramelQueenx said:


> ENTJ? Psh...that's probably the kinkiest type out there. No lie. Every single ENTJ I know outkinks me, and lemme tell you-- that is HARD.


Any _particular _reason why you necro'ed this _particular _thread?


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## xTheCaramelQueenx (Jun 19, 2014)

Despite me being a sick fuck, I actually was in an "ENTJ at work" thread and saw this in the similar threads. I just felt a compulsive "oh fuck yes" and clicked on it faster than the rotation of a windmill. :laughing:

Question is, why the hell are YOU here? @Stawker


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## Stawker (Nov 30, 2016)

xTheCaramelQueenx said:


> Despite me being a sick fuck, I actually was in an "ENTJ at work" thread and saw this in the similar threads. I just felt a compulsive "oh fuck yes" and clicked on it faster than the rotation of a windmill. :laughing:
> 
> Question is, why the hell are YOU here? @Stawker


Why if not for self-masturbatory reasons would I be here?


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## platorepublic (Dec 27, 2012)

Tried it once, never again. Too difficult, and too much effort for little reward.

I think I have much better connections with non-NTs.


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## Unicorn Attack (Dec 5, 2016)

ossierobacow said:


> I've been interested in a certain ENTJ for a really long time, and I think he's been interested in me too. We've always really clicked, I think; we have great debates, and sometimes I win - which surprises you him. The first time I really stood up to him in an argument was when he started to make an effort to be around me and talk.
> 
> We both just got out of relationships, we started talking more often, and then this week, we slept together.
> BUT - he was really unaffectionate physically. He hardly touched me except for going straight to business. That was the first time we've kissed or anything.
> ...


I think most of us are very affectionate with people we trust, especially with a romantic interest. That being said, you would know if he was truly interested. We don't hide it if we're attracted to someone, and if we are interested, you would know you were being pursued. 

It seems like you really like him. It sounds like he likes you too since he likes debating with you and talking to you. Maybe since he just got out of a relationship, he's not ready for another at this very moment. Or he's considering things and processing. Best thing I can recommend is to distract yourself and try not to think about it. He'll reveal his thoughts and feelings eventually, but I would not pressure him to talk about it, just let him when he's ready. But you should consider how you will feel if it continues and he isn't more affectionate (would he meet your needs). A sustained hit it and quit it approach is kind of icky. It's not typical behavior for an ENTJ because we're actually quite sentimental, but that doesn't mean we're incapable of being douches too.


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## Unicorn Attack (Dec 5, 2016)

ossierobacow said:


> And - a slight update - he started a conversation with me since. We both acknowledged that our weeks have been really busy. It sounded like a, "If you and I didn't both have huge texts tomorrow, we'd hang out! But... we do. Wish me luck."
> 
> Thank you guys. I know feel much more comfortable that things are happening slowly (and I prefer it - I was just wondering if that meant he wasn't interested at all). The only big relationship I've been in was with one of the strongest Fs I know, and he made it super clear from the beginning that he wanted to be my boyfriend, that hanging out was a date, and that he liked me. So - my only experience in interpreting what guys are trying for is from him. Obviously, this ENTJ is completely different, and it seems a lot more like he is interested in something, though not sure about it.


Sorry, I missed your update. But it sounds like you're handling things really well! Like I mentioned earlier, sometimes a wait and see approach is best. Just try not to overthink like most of us NTs tend to do.


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

I heard they just laid eggs/and or spawned and didn't have sex. Could just be alt facts though.


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## Frenetic Tranquility (Aug 5, 2011)

BusinessMan said:


> I'm ENTP, not ENTJ, but from the ENTJs I know it's pretty rare for them to aim for friends with benefits. They prefer relationships, as they have pretty rigid views of right and wrong.


They have rigid views of right and wrong, in the areas that matter to them specifically. And it's very subconscious, so the conscious mind finds ways to rationalize what might otherwise be indefensible, were the subconscious recognized. So you end up with situations where an ENTJ would sleep with someone just for the sex, then later justifying it as morally fine because that person let themselves be used and could have avoided it - it's on them to protect themselves. "Had it coming". Or their mind might start hyperfixating on details of the other person's habits or character that make that person unworthy, and deserving of being used. Just some of the rationalizations that could put an ENTJ in the fwb boat.


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