# Where to find help?



## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

So, all these things happened:
My Twisted World 0000 Part 1 - Blogs - Personality Cafe

My Twisted World 0000 Part 2 - Blogs - Personality Cafe

My Twisted World 0001 - Blogs - Personality Cafe

My Twisted World 0002 - Blogs - Personality Cafe

My Twisted World 0003 - Blogs - Personality Cafe

So, I'm currently considered to be "unnecessary" due to not having skills that are in need and no experience in unskilled jobs. They are planning to starve me to punish me for all my health and financial problems.
Need some time to catch a breath and learn something in-demand. Trying web design and database stuff. It's going pretty slowly, though because I'm constantly under threat.

Looks like I need to find help somewhere because we're still in debt and my mother's company is going worse and worse each year due to too much competition and dying market.
So, I'm not going to get out of this situation alone. We're receiving a housing benefit (the only help there's for poor people in Poland - no food stamps or anything like that) but we have to buy food and household stuff on credit card.

Where can I find help? Since I can't count on the government, I need to find people that would buy my prints or contribute to my Patreon or something like that, otherwise I'm finished and it's not really an option. Where to find them?


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## JayDubs (Sep 1, 2009)

You might try something like gofundme, though I have no idea how often those types of things succeed. I suspect their success has a lot to do with either publicity or large social networks to begin with. 

Reading your links, it seems like you realize you have some psychological issues underlying a lot of your employment problems. The truth of the matter is, you're going to have to find a way to deal with those issues, regardless of if you learn more in-demand skills. I'd honestly say dealing with those issues, or at least getting them under control, should be a higher priority than job training. Being unable to go to work will be just as unacceptable in a computer related job as it was for security or cleaning work.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

JayDubs said:


> You might try something like gofundme, though I have no idea how often those types of things succeed. I suspect their success has a lot to do with either publicity or large social networks to begin with.


In other words help is available only to those who don't need it. Though I'm not sure if having a large social network here would help me. People in my country are completely brainwashed and imagine that people who don't have good education don't have it only because the don't want to have it. Not to mention almost everyone here is poor.



JayDubs said:


> Reading your links, it seems like you realize you have some psychological issues underlying a lot of your employment problems. The truth of the matter is, you're going to have to find a way to deal with those issues, regardless of if you learn more in-demand skills. I'd honestly say dealing with those issues, or at least getting them under control, should be a higher priority than job training. Being unable to go to work will be just as unacceptable in a computer related job as it was for security or cleaning work.


Well, the main problem was as it turned out, physiological. I wrote about it in this entry:
My Twisted World 0001 - Blogs - Personality Cafe

So, it's a thing of the past. Still, it left me at massive disadvantage as I only started regularly working in 2008 for my mother's business and it was contractor work. Meanwhile when others could work in part-time jobs and finish schools, I was unable to work or have good attendance.
Most of low level jobs are only for students because employers want to dodge social security tax to get advantage in competition to the bottom. Either that or they want experienced people and can get them due to high unemployment.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Ugh. Yeah, gofundme is a fucking joke.

It only exists to make hipsters feel good about themselves by giving to other hipsters. Anyone else can go fuck themselves.


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## JayDubs (Sep 1, 2009)

Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar said:


> Well, the main problem was as it turned out, physiological. I wrote about it in this entry:
> My Twisted World 0001 - Blogs - Personality Cafe
> 
> So, it's a thing of the past. Still, it left me at massive disadvantage as I only started regularly working in 2008 for my mother's business and it was contractor work. Meanwhile when others could work in part-time jobs and finish schools, I was unable to work or have good attendance.
> Most of low level jobs are only for students because employers want to dodge social security tax to get advantage in competition to the bottom. Either that or they want experienced people and can get them due to high unemployment.


I'm glad to hear you solved your health issues. From some of your other posts it still sounds like you have some anger issues, especially towards people who disagree with you philosophically or politically. That sort of thing can come through in an interview, as well as make it harder to get along with coworkers. No matter where you work, it's almost inevitable to deal with people with opposing viewpoints. 

Anyway, good luck.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

Fumetsu said:


> Ugh. Yeah, gofundme is a fucking joke.
> 
> It only exists to make hipsters feel good about themselves by giving to other hipsters. Anyone else can go fuck themselves.


Hipsters sound like good people. I wonder where I can find them. Hipster are the kind of people that buy vinyls when average person sees no point in paying for music, right?

Hmm...
Maybe they would like my art?


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## Godless (Jan 27, 2016)

Ok I'm going to sound like a dick but this is what probably almost everyone is thinking.

Can you say your problems and what you need in 500 words or less?

Edit: I realize that I sound like a dick because having skimmed just a fraction of your blog, I can see you've been through a lot. But my suggestion is within your interest because if you put up a summary, it will much, much more likely you'll get a greater variety of responses.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar said:


> Hipsters sound like good people. I wonder where I can find them. Hipster are the kind of people that buy vinyls when average person sees no point in paying for music, right?
> 
> Hmm...
> Maybe they would like my art?


They hang out at Starbucks, a place you probably don't have money to hang out, and probably wouldn't like it. Most hipsters are these people who think they're hip and cool and too high and mighty for the normal human being with the Macs and Arts/Cinema/something similar degree. I reckon, those people would only make you feel more angry.

Vinyls are fashionable again, but I've seeing those around for a couple of years. Some artists do limited presses of their albums in vinyl, Post-Rock and Synthwave musicians are very fond of that. I own three (Iron Maiden's The Trooper, Yes' Tales from Topographic Ocean and Franz Ferdinand's Love Illumination), but I plan to get more. Possibly of the new Perturbator album. I don't even have where to play them. They're just pleasing, especially when they have nice artwork.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> They hang out at Starbucks, a place you probably don't have money to hang out, and probably wouldn't like it. Most hipsters are these people who think they're hip and cool and too high and mighty for the normal human being with the Macs and Arts/Cinema/something similar degree. I reckon, those people would only make you feel more angry.
> 
> Vinyls are fashionable again, but I've seeing those around for a couple of years. Some artists do limited presses of their albums in vinyl, Post-Rock and Synthwave musicians are very fond of that. I own three (Iron Maiden's The Trooper, Yes' Tales from Topographic Ocean and Franz Ferdinand's Love Illumination), but I plan to get more. Possibly of the new Perturbator album. I don't even have where to play them. They're just pleasing, especially when they have nice artwork.


It is not hyperbole when I say that hipsters can ruin an economy.

They like "cheap" things for irony, but they tend to have a lot of money. There is a direct correlation between hipster fads and prices of those fads sky-rocketing until only _they _ can afford it.

But by hipster code they cannot like anything popular. So once they've become the majority, and things they liked " ironically" become popular they leave, but the prices of yuppy food and shoddy-condos never come back down. So now no one can afford it.

Like fuckin Locusts.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Fumetsu said:


> It is not hyperbole when I say that hipsters can ruin an economy.
> 
> They like "cheap" things for irony, but they tend to have a lot of money. There is a direct correlation between hipster fads and prices of those fads sky-rocketing until only _they _ can afford it.


The worse is that they buy expensive things that look cheap. Jackets, jeans, boots, everything, and then walk around with high tech IPhones and God knows what more. They were born to look cheap and in many ways steal things the middle and low classes used and made them expensive. However, that's how top hat became high class, something else will come for us to use and that's not even what annoys me.



> But by hipster code they cannot like anything popular. So once they've become the majority, and things they liked " ironically" become popular they leave, but the prices of yuppy food and shoddy-condos never come back down. So now no one can afford it.


This is what annoys me.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

Godless said:


> Ok I'm going to sound like a dick but this is what probably almost everyone is thinking.
> 
> Can you say your problems and what you need in 500 words or less?


Haven't thought about it for some reason XD . Thanks.

I'll post a summary when I'll wake up.



Aya the Abysswalker said:


> They hang out at Starbucks, a place you probably don't have money to hang out, and probably wouldn't like it. Most hipsters are these people who think they're hip and cool and too high and mighty for the normal human being with the Macs and Arts/Cinema/something similar degree. I reckon, those people would only make you feel more angry.


Is it possible to meet them online?



Aya the Abysswalker said:


> Vinyls are fashionable again, but I've seeing those around for a couple of years. Some artists do limited presses of their albums in vinyl, Post-Rock and Synthwave musicians are very fond of that. I own three (Iron Maiden's The Trooper, Yes' Tales from Topographic Ocean and Franz Ferdinand's Love Illumination), but I plan to get more. Possibly of the new Perturbator album. I don't even have where to play them. They're just pleasing, especially when they have nice artwork.


I also have a several records.



Fumetsu said:


> It is not hyperbole when I say that hipsters can ruin an economy.
> 
> They like "cheap" things for irony, but they tend to have a lot of money. There is a direct correlation between hipster fads and prices of those fads sky-rocketing until only _they _ can afford it.
> 
> ...


DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
Fucking economy.

Anyway, my art is extremely unpopular. Only sold 4 prints and one bag so far. Maybe could sell to them if I could somehow find their den online. I could even make them expensive for them.



Aya the Abysswalker said:


> The worse is that they buy expensive things that look cheap. Jackets, jeans, boots, everything, and then walk around with high tech IPhones and God knows what more.


I'm afraid it would be quite possible I'd be a hipster if I'd have a lot of money XD .


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

I don't know where you can find them online. I usually don't hang out with such people. I like Starbucks as much as the next human, but I like my copy of Dark Souls way more.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Yeah, I can relate to how you feel. 

You have to keep all the resentment and anger inside at how mind numbingly full of shit the entire world is while you shake hands and smile and go through the motions for the whole nine yard crapola shit-fest crap-tack-athon that we live in, and act non the wiser to the fact the entire world is witheringly and so obviously corrupt (uh, uh, uh, no it's not! mindless vapid consumerism and idiotic anti-intellectualism destroying of any form of critical thought, and nazi-esque corporate conformity) *ahem* *twitchtwitch*


But that being said, you have issues you have to work on. Are you in a safe and stable enough position to deal with them? (despite the fact that the ground is a little shaky)
You just have to find way to cope and deal with it all, I guess.


Change is possible, and you can achieve almost anything with enough diligence and practice.(scientifically proven) There are probably organizations out there that can help you and your mom, too I imagine. Isn't there some kind of public facility that can help with resources and getting you connected? it can sometimes seems like options are grim; but sometimes there are things out there that you'd be surprised to find.

You should also look into finding jobs/or careers that are accepting of people that are a little 'different' or eccentric. I know that some businesses have a mandate where they cannot discriminate and must hire a diverse selection of employees from all types of backgrounds.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

*"What's the point of even sleeping?"
*What's the point? what's the point?


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> *"What's the point of even sleeping?"
> *What's the point? what's the point?


I think keeping my sanity is a very good reason, but I don't know.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> I think keeping my sanity is a very good reason, but I don't know.


Oh look, another

I hAveE sParKly NAmEe OOOOOOOOOOOOH

you're so important. All your posts are so important. Whenever I see your name. MR. SPARKLY NAME. I HAVE A MR.SPARKLY NAME.

PFFFFFFt.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> Oh look, another
> 
> I hAveE sParKly NAmEe OOOOOOOOOOOOH
> 
> ...


*Miss


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> *Miss


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Meteoric Shadows said:


>


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> Yeah, I can relate to how you feel.
> 
> You have to keep all the resentment and anger inside at how mind numbingly full of shit the entire world is while you shake hands and smile and go through the motions for the whole nine yard crapola shit-fest crap-tack-athon that we live in, and act non the wiser to the fact the entire world is witheringly and so obviously corrupt (uh, uh, uh, no it's not! mindless vapid consumerism and idiotic anti-intellectualism destroying of any form of critical thought, and nazi-esque corporate conformity) *ahem* *twitchtwitch*


This too. This world is fucking disgusting.

Funny thing. I lately seen a book by the director of Polish national bank. With buzzwords like freedom and self-reliance.
Funny thing that someone who isn't allowed to decide what clothes he will wear to work and relies on people doing stuff for him talks about "freedom" and "self-reliance".

Here is what a bit of self-reliance means:




Most of people who talk about "self-reliance" mean "manipulating others to get what they want" or "submitting to others to get stuff.". They are disgusting. I hate how they are ruining society with deception.



Meteoric Shadows said:


> But that being said, you have issues you have to work on. Are you in a safe and stable enough position to deal with them?


Not really. 



Meteoric Shadows said:


> Change is possible, and you can achieve almost anything with enough diligence and practice.(scientifically proven) There are probably organizations out there that can help you and your mom, too I imagine. Isn't there some kind of public facility that can help with resources and getting you connected? it can sometimes seems like options are grim; but sometimes there are things out there that you'd be surprised to find.


Well, the only thing we can get/are getting is housing benefits (there are no food stamps in Poland). So, I need to find help online.



Meteoric Shadows said:


> You should also look into finding jobs/or careers that are accepting of people that are a little 'different' or eccentric. I know that some businesses have a mandate where they cannot discriminate and must hire a diverse selection of employees from all types of backgrounds.


The main problem is that most of them are stuff like pestering people for Greenpeace and phone tech support jobs or some other sort of customer service.
That would require me to have ability to talk with people fluidly and be able to deal with conflicts and invent stuff to say fast (they test it during interviews).
And generally, the problem is that I'm not really the kind of a person they are looking for. I mean in general. I'm slow, very bad at driving mechanical vehicles, can't talk fluidly in real time, have back problems (scoliosis and disc space narrowing in lower back. I can't stand for extended periods of time without experiencing pain and if I carry heavy (~over 5kg) stuff get so bad I can't walk straight - not that it means anything as I can't get a physical job anyway due to the sheer amount of candidates), also, I have no education beyond secondary and I'm at age where they have to pay full social security tax - for most unskilled jobs they prefer students under 26 because they don't have to pay social security tax for them, have no experience, etc. while there is a ridiculous amount of candidates for every unskilled job.

So, I need to get skills sought by employers before I'll get a job. The problem with IT is that I need to absorb a huge amount of information and master complicated stuff to get any job. Which is difficult when I'm alone against the world that is trying to starve me.

The only thing I can do now is art as it's my most practised skill. So, I need to find people who would donate to my Patreon or would buy my prints.

I started writing a Patreon pitch several days ago:



> I'm a survivor of abuse and street violence. I think I suffer from some kind of trauma. Don't know. Was diagnosed with "neurosis" and "depression" as a teen but it all started from abuse in primary school. Also, for a long time I was suffering from IBS.
> 
> Then getting attacked several times on street made things worse. Started having memory problems and violent nightmares and being afraid to go out. The two latter symptoms lasted for about two years. I had memory problems until 2015 when I learned to cure them by eating 8+ yolks a day. Yolks contain choline and things and stuff like this.
> 
> ...


Don't know what write further yet. I'm rather exhausted lately.


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