# To leave or not leave the forum?



## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes I get this skin prickly feeling with certain posters. Just like how you're around someone in real life and you just feel their negative energy, which can make you uneasy. It's not that these posters are doing anything bad. I just get this weird feeling. 

I'm thinking about maybe just giving up forums all together, and continue to protect my energy. I do feel much happier when I'm around happy people offline. My motivation for coming here is boredom, a need for discussion, receiving validation, or just meeting people that are similar. But, I know that wanting validation is very unhealthy. Getting into internet arguments just put you in a bad mood. 

Is anyone else like this where you get negative vibes from posters, and what would be the pros to keep posting? 

I read that you can close your account?


----------



## Ermenegildo (Feb 25, 2014)

loving2011 said:


> I'm thinking about maybe ...






> I do feel much happier when I'm around happy people offline.


Ask happy people offline and take their advice.


----------



## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

There are definitely a lot of nice people here. It's more about me where I feel compelled to post.


----------



## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

I know what you mean. I left several forums because of the bad people's energies who want to claim they are "good" people but they're conniving. This place has been pretty decent for me. One of the best forums I've been to and has a lot of topics to discuss. I just tend to ignore those that don't agree with what I think and/or my views if they can't be reasoned with. Sometimes I'll just read topics and have nothing to post. If you write blog posts maybe that would do something for you. I've started writing blog posts here, too.


----------



## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

God is testing you.

Follow your heart.


----------



## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

There's a certain level of comfort and familiarity on some forums that can make it clear when an individual that you may be interacting with has completely lost sight of the way they would be perceived in a conversation with another individual either:

-outside of that specific forum (extremely limited conversation topics)

-outside of the internet ( social skills a little less severely compromised)

-outside of their bedroom (likely because they never leave it).

So l completely understand where you're coming from and especially like the word ''prickly'' as a descriptor, it's just a bad, creepy, clingy kind of ankle-biting vibe that's not worth anyone's time or energy. 

Whether or not that's not more common with this forum is hard to say, l think it's a direction many forums can go in before new members make things more interesting, though l have been a member on long standing forums that seemed to maintain a more positive and open atmosphere because most of the members seemed to be active people in life.

Like with any forums, some time offline may be a good idea. We can retire your account but not delete it.


----------



## prplchknz (Nov 30, 2010)

I would love a social life. and I tend to believe people when they say lets hang out, but when i try to it's every excuse as to why they can't. or they don't answer when i corner them with a time to hang out. like even a, maybe this day is better than saying nothing. I don't get why people tell me they want to hang out when they don't. and if I putting out the effort i'm not gonna talk smack about them.

so if you can have a social life off the internet get one, it's worth it.


----------



## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

loving2011 said:


> Is anyone else like this where you get negative vibes from posters, and what would be the pros to keep posting?


From some people yes, but I usually ignore it since there's no way of telling whether I'm correct or not online. Also, there have been times when who I thought a person was online was completely different than how they really were in person so I always reserve judgment.

As for the pros, a pro to posting would be... information exchange? Cons to posting is the same negative for any activity: You're spending time posting when you could be doing something else. The opportunity cost, in other words.



loving2011 said:


> I read that you can close your account?


Yes, message a mod and ask them to retire your account either temporarily or permanently and how convenient for you a mod even replied to this thread!


----------



## jamaix (Sep 20, 2013)

loving2011 said:


> I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes I get this skin prickly feeling with certain posters. Just like how you're around someone in real life and you just feel their negative energy, which can make you uneasy. It's not that these posters are doing anything bad. I just get this weird feeling.


I completely understand what you are talking about. I am very introverted but I do need some human interaction. What I do like about PerC is that I can shut down interaction at any time when I no longer want it. I can do that online, I can't do that to people in person. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who like to argue on PerC and I sometimes get caught up in those arguments, but they are draining and upsetting to me. I prefer to avoid arguments but have found myself involved in more of them than I care to be. I opened my acct last year, but really only started using it this summer. As I am becoming more familiar with the members and learning how to better word my comments, I am managing to avoid some of the more heated interchanges. I am also getting better at sidestepping those who are just looking for an argument. Although, I still occasionally fall into some. I try to avoid those who exhibit no tolerance for those who hold an opinion different than theirs.



loving2011 said:


> Getting into internet arguments just put you in a bad mood.


This is why I have contemplated closing my account many times. It can literally ruin your entire day if you let it. I have allowed that to happen more than once. There are some who are quite vindictive and I have even had a couple contact me by private message just for the purpose of mocking me when I wouldn't respond to their public taunts. However, there are also some really nice people on here and if I closed my account I would miss reading their comments and gaining understanding of different perspectives.


----------



## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

I did e-mail the mods. I want to go with my heart. Any precious moment spent here is time that could be used towards other real-life things.


----------



## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

... there's a third option I enjoy taking from time to time: information detox. Every so often I take a week where I go without internet and don't carry my cell phone. There's being an extrovert and there's wearing unnecessary fetters because somebody happens to get under your skin and makes you feel obligated to respond to their misery. The cool thing about text is that you can think over what you say; you're not communicating in real time. It makes it easier to choose not to respond to somebody or to say something witty that completely disarms their argument.

I don't understand why we differentiate between online and offline because we are the same people thinking the same thoughts, having the same emotions regardless of our medium for communication. Many people do take their garbage online because they feel they can hide behind anonymity. In the end, people here are the same people you meet on the street, in school, work and cafeterias. So, I don't know ... maybe distance yourself from toxic people regardless of how you meet?


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

One time I tired blocking the website with parental controls but that just forced me to keep thinking about it. I think I made it 4-7 days without PerC and by the time I got back there were 30+ notifications. Which may not sound like a lot to some people but at least to me at the time it was ridiculous. I wouldn't just retire, I suggest becoming occupied with other things then your urges to return will become peripheral. I also don't enjoy certain sub-forums so I just stay away from them.


----------



## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Spastic Origami said:


> ... there's a third option I enjoy taking from time to time: information detox. Every so often I take a week where I go without internet and don't carry my cell phone. There's being an extrovert and there's wearing unnecessary fetters because somebody happens to get under your skin and makes you feel obligated to respond to their misery. The cool thing about text is that you can think over what you say; you're not communicating in real time. It makes it easier to choose not to respond to somebody or to say something witty that completely disarms their argument.


For people who post here out of sheer boredom, going on a detox sounds good but I would guess is ultimately futile. Unless of course one is looking to change up their life by cutting the net out of it. I definitely do agree that written communication is much easier to not blurt things out that you might regret later but wouldn't it be best to simply avoid people who are always causing you conflict?



Spastic Origami said:


> I don't understand why we differentiate between online and offline because we are the same people thinking the same thoughts, having the same emotions regardless of our medium for communication. Many people do take their garbage online because they feel they can hide behind anonymity. In the end, people here are the same people you meet on the street, in school, work and cafeterias. So, I don't know ... maybe distance yourself from toxic people regardless of how you meet?


Eh, it's a difficult situation. Some people just have a difficult time expressing themselves in writing and they may come off a certain way that they don't intend to. I know I have a problem with that so I work to improve it. While others just bring their trash online like you say but act perfectly normal in person. I'd consider those people to be two-faced and completely untrustworthy. However, that's a separate matter.

At any rate, have fun doing other stuff @_loving2011_!


----------



## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

Spastic Origami said:


> ... there's a third option I enjoy taking from time to time: information detox. Every so often I take a week where I go without internet and don't carry my cell phone. There's being an extrovert and there's wearing unnecessary fetters because somebody happens to get under your skin and makes you feel obligated to respond to their misery. The cool thing about text is that you can think over what you say; you're not communicating in real time. It makes it easier to choose not to respond to somebody or to say something witty that completely disarms their argument.
> 
> I don't understand why we differentiate between online and offline because we are the same people thinking the same thoughts, having the same emotions regardless of our medium for communication. Many people do take their garbage online because they feel they can hide behind anonymity. In the end, people here are the same people you meet on the street, in school, work and cafeterias. So, I don't know ... maybe distance yourself from toxic people regardless of how you meet?


Yeah. It's really a matter of limiting yourself sometimes. Sometimes you need a break and then coming back is so much better.


----------



## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

I'm still awaiting to hear from the mods, but I do appreciate all of the replies-even if it's stuff I don't agree with. It's exhausting to argue with someone with a different point of view, so I think it's best to just thank someone for sharing how they feel. Even though I want to be polite with everyone, hearing different opinions still pinches a nerve for me. It's embarrassing to admit that I've adopted the opinions of others just to please them, as if my own opinions weren't valid or worthy enough. I'm just thinking I should take care of myself emotionally right now, before I want to come back. If reading people's posts is making me distracted, irritable, and even tearful at times, that's a sign that my own well-being comes first.


----------



## MelodyGirl (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm sorry. 
And I definitely know how you feel. But the powers-that-be on here are extremely understanding. (Shout out to @TreeBob), so they'll help you figure out what to do.


----------



## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Oh, it's nothing bad or evil that anyone did. I'm just so sensitive to people's energies, even if they mean well. 

Ah..I don't know why I'm still posting.


----------



## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

Yeah OP, I can definitely relate to everything you posted but I've found that PerC is really like a microcosm of what you'd find IRL: Some really amazing cool people, some uber-annoying morons and people who fall somewhere in between. It's your decision of course but every time, I've seriously considered quitting, I made friends with a truly awesome individual. Btw, what is your Enneagram type, if you don't mind me asking cuz you sound exactly like me and I am a type 5.


----------



## caramel_choctop (Sep 20, 2010)

loving2011 said:


> I'm still awaiting to hear from the mods, but I do appreciate all of the replies-even if it's stuff I don't agree with. It's exhausting to argue with someone with a different point of view, so I think it's best to just thank someone for sharing how they feel. Even though I want to be polite with everyone, hearing different opinions still pinches a nerve for me. It's embarrassing to admit that I've adopted the opinions of others just to please them, as if my own opinions weren't valid or worthy enough. I'm just thinking I should take care of myself emotionally right now, before I want to come back. If reading people's posts is making me distracted, irritable, and even tearful at times, that's a sign that my own well-being comes first.


Yep, for sure. Do come back when you feel ready, though! Personally, I don't even think there's any need to retire your account, just stay logged out for a few weeks.


----------



## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

I dunno, I tend not to hold on to things. So if I disagree with someone, the second I leave my house and do something in the real world, I tend to forget about it.

I think I've come to accept that even with closest family and friends, you're not going to be able to agree on everything all the time. But I do make the upmost effort to at least gain something from each debate. Debates that seem completely futile I try to shut down as quickly as possible because I just find them boring. I also tend to not take people's opinions as some kind of real world fact. If someone says something I genuinely think to be retarded, I find comfort in the fact that over the internet, their opinions mean fuck all in the grand scheme of things and hold zero weight.

I think it's just a case of accepting that just because someone upsets you, doesn't mean you have hold on to that energy - try and take something from the exchange, let everything else go. Just because it gets heated doesn't mean it's personal, it just means people are emotionally invested in their viewpoint - there's nothing inherently wrong in that per se. Passionate people are always expressive. Plus there's nothing a bit of space can't fix imo.


----------

