# Do you believe men and women can just be friends?



## Fischer (Aug 16, 2012)

Um yes. If my friend gets a partner I usually befriend them too. 

I don't become friends with people because they are attractive. I would only be with(or sleep with) someone I am attracted to. There for I wouldn't want anything more than a friendship for 95% of my friends.

Also, if someone is gay that dynamic would not even exist.


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## Dare (Nov 8, 2016)

I wouldn't leave a hungry, carb-addicted klepto with a sweet tooth to mind an unattended candy store.

But nor would I assume that _everyone_ can't be trusted around something somewhat desirable.


Whether due to talent, skills acquired, foresight & conviction, values, morality or good old fashioned guilt: not everyone lacks self control. 

And not everyone will act in a me-me-me/more-more-more/short-sighted/entitled way, especially in a (so-called) 'friendship'. They can admire and be a friend *go you* without relating it back to themselves. Indeed some even _value_ the friendship, are *grateful* for what they have and prefer that to fucking

it up.


"I couldn't be friends with her bc although she's great in these 16 irreplaceable ways and her presence in my life vastly improved it, her b00bs (or his biceps) were _making me_ feel things..." -- if you operate at this base level, if you lack maturity, a sense of fair play (since the other is investing time & energy into a friendship, or so they believe), if you're a 'victim' with low frustration thresholds, an external locus of control and poor emotional intelligence, if you do this every time you attempt to be friends with the opposite sex, that's your personal failing, not proof (all) men & women can't be friends. 


Boring stuff about my experience:

* *




*I've been best friends with a guy for 6 years*. We both did fine in the genetic lottery (looks/age isn't the key as someone suggested). We made an agreement early on to be friends only (after a rational analysis of our long term compatibility) and we've stuck to it. This isn't difficult in the slightest.

Neither of us are interested in speaking in ways 'typical' for our sex (a problem suggested by someone else) -- hence the compatibility between us as best friends (*I*S*T*P-*A* male & *I*N*TJ*-*A* female). We both have other friends too but can't get enough of being around a fellow introverted thinker who does Se playtime and is highly emotionally stable.

I have no problem being silly etc with him with his gf around (as someone else questioned). It would only be weird to be different, as if hiding something (are some people only playful when flirting?!). *He & I are just friends *nothing more* but it's very important to point out it's also genuinely *nothing less**.




*People have boundaries in the strangest of ways. None where there should be some and numb where there should be connection*. It also appears rationalization knows no bounds in the human condition.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Nope. He gets a gf, she gets jealous and he says "sorry, I can't see you, because she doesn't like it". 
I hate stupid jealous girlfriends.


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## Lucan1010 (Jul 23, 2018)

Yeah, definitely. It really just depends on individual people though, for everyone it's different.


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## Cherry (May 28, 2017)

Lucan1010 said:


> Yeah, definitely. It really just depends on individual people though, for everyone it's different.


"Lu-Can, but Can I?" 

:laughing:

I just had to.


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## Lucan1010 (Jul 23, 2018)

Candy said:


> "Lu-Can, but Can I?"
> 
> :laughing:
> 
> I just had to.


:laughing: No, that was great. I can't say anyone's ever done that with my username before.


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## septic tank (Jul 21, 2013)

There’s about a 33% chance with straight men that if you’re a girl and approach them seeking friendship, they’ll take it the wrong way. At least in my experience. I wonder if this percentage goes down with older men, because all the men I interact with are basically slightly older teenagers.


Is it worth taking the chance though? I say yes, because the people who will take it the wrong way will indicate that to you really fast, so you can just ditch them and not waste your time.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

SantaScoob said:


> No, I don't believe it's possible for a hetero woman and a hetero man to stay just friends, except in rare instances.


Actually, I'm changing my opinion on whether men and women can be friends. Thinking back on how many female friends I do have, I think a platonic relationship between a man and a woman isn't unlikely at all and is very much possible. Although I think being "best friends" with someone of the opposite sex but not in a relationship together would be a bit strange. Otherwise, yes, I say that men and women can be just friends. Especially if both are already in a successful relationship with someone else.


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## Convex (Jan 5, 2015)

ScaryMary said:


> Nope. He gets a gf, she gets jealous and he says "sorry, I can't see you, because she doesn't like it".
> I hate stupid jealous girlfriends.


That's poacher talk


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

YES

It depends on the person and how easily they're attracted to people. I have platonic male friends, my bf has platonic female friends, and I talk to guys on a platonic level. I don't automatically feel attraction because they are male even if they're attractive or something. Once my friend told me he had an interest in something more. I don't consider myself that close to my male friends though. Some people you just naturally get close to and others just stay on that superficial or casual level. 

As for jealously (probably how this topic comes up in most cases), I was paranoid about my bf having more female friends than guy friends. Once i knew the context and more about those friends it started to become clear it was platonic and very impossible for it to be anything else.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Convex said:


> That's poacher talk


What do you mean?


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

I am pretty clear on one thing: I have female friends, and I have male friends. I bond with both equally but I'm also 100% committed to my wife. It's not even remotely confusing to me. Even IF someone tries to come between my wife and I, I will still always choose my wife no matter what. Till death do us part. 

With these fundamentals in place there's literally no issue with regards to having friends of all genders. Even if someone else develops romantic feelings for me and tries to drive a wedge between my wife and I, I'm literally oblivious to that shit for the most part probably because I can't even imagine loving anyone more than my wife :shrug:


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

99% of the time, no.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

If I was sexually and romantically attracted to someone I wouldn't try to get close to them but that's actually why one of the coolest people I've ever met is held at a distance bc I can't get to know her anymore. The majority of women (and men for that matter) may as well be potatoes to me, but extremely rarely it's like "oh this person is hot" 

I guess that's why I'm kind of amazed so many people have said no. Quite a lot also said yes, to be fair, but I didn't expect as many people to see this as an absolute no.

If you don't think it's possible: if someone is the gender you're into does that mean at some point you'll always want to have sex or romance with them or something? Do you find all people of that gender attractive then? 

I'm more confused about straight people than I was before asking haha.

I've been into both males and females, but still not the majority of people. Do most people just need a vaguely warm body and that's enough to cheat or want to ruin a friendship or something?


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Well there's really no need to "believe" in that as I have one.


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## Eriophorum (Nov 15, 2019)

It’s possible, yes. But the possibility tends to become more theoretical than practical with age. Kids, teens, and young adults can absolutely be friends, I would say. But when you start to get a bit older and especially when you get married, it can get less appropriate to be more than casual friends with the opposite sex. 

I’m not saying everybody, or even most people, will cheat on their spouse with their opposite sex friend. I believe it’s possible to be friends with somebody and have no physical attraction to them, and even in the event of attraction there’s such a thing as self control. But you reach a point, I think, where intimate or emotionally close opposite sex friendships can start to fill a void or serve a purpose that ought to be fulfilled by your spouse. Looking to other men/women to help satisfy these needs can lead to distance in one’s marriage, even if no infidelity ever occurs. There’s also the perception of others, which is less important perhaps but also has the potential to stoke conflict between spouses. I think this can be tempered if the person in question is a mutual friend of the couple though, rather than a close friend of one person alone. 

All of this is assuming a scenario where both parties have genuine and completely platonic feelings towards one another. You have a lot more leeway if this is the case, but studies seem to indicate that in the majority of opposite-sex friendships at least one party at some point harbours romantic or sexual feelings towards the other. Depending on the situation, it can be really disrespectful towards your spouse to entertain this kind of friendship, even if you personally have no sexual feelings and never intend to act on them. Again, it can put distance between you even if it doesn’t strain your relationship right to the breaking point. 

So, I guess I’d say yes to casual friendships and a hesitant “not really” to more close intimate friendships. I personally feel that there comes a point where you are investing energy into somebody which would be better spent on your own spouse/relationship. I’m not saying you have to rely on one person to satisfy all of your emotional and social needs, but it can’t hurt to ask yourself what you’re getting out of your relationships and reflect on how this may be affecting you.

(I may have interpreted this question a little differently than was intended, but that’s just where my train of thought led me once I started typing).


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## RyuukoGo (Apr 6, 2015)

Based my limited experience of just having female friends the past 40+ years,only female roommates the past 10 years and only female managers the past 6 years. It is possible but can be a challenge.

A few female friends have fallen in love with me,a woman who was a friend blocked me because I would not date her. When we first met that was what I wanted...just a friendship.

Currently my close friend ,her and I are sorting out the friendship. On a scale 1 being a friend,5 good friend and 10 best friend...we both look at our friendship with each other as an 8. The people we are dating are maybe a 2
https://imgur.com/gxJ9ZpQ

A guy that she was friends with 4+ years fell in love with her can't be around her anymore because it is painful for him to know she will never love him. That is our concern...that one of us will fall in love with the other ...which will ruin our friendship or who knows.

In this case we are both happy if we find a LTR but know in a LTR we will never have the same connection we have with each other.

In summary it is possible but in a lot of cases there is an inevitable chemistry/connection that can't be hidden.


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## Penny (Mar 24, 2016)

sure, but when you are in a relationship it's a sticky topic


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## 30812 (Dec 22, 2011)

yes, for a while
no after u r married
u r not supposed to even receive things from them indirectly without prior approval
last night my bro's gf gave him a pack of strange pills for sore throat and i took one from his hand and tasted it
i had to face the wall and repent when we got back


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## Sophi (Mar 19, 2013)

I think it's possible...but I don't think you should spend 1 on 1 time with someone who is in a relationship, at least not regularly. It can become confusing, I think. But I have several friends who have gotten married in the last few years. 

I knew them in college, I was never attracted to them. After getting to know them, it was quite obvious we were not compatible in a romantic way. We are still friends, and I still see them on occasion. But we never really hung out one on one before they got married, and we don't now (except maybe once a year meeting for coffee or something to catch up). 

If we were at the compatibility level where we could spend hours and hours together, hanging out, being best buds etc. I think we would have gotten married lol.


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## Senah (Oct 17, 2017)

I do. As an ENTP, I can fall for someone and go for it and have a great time, but when I lose those feelings, it is pretty immediate and done. From the ENTP forum, it seems like that it pretty common for my type - once you don't have feelings for someone anymore there is no going back. We don't have those back and forth relationships like many types do. The positive side of that is that I usually don't date someone I don't think is awesome, so once I don't have romantic feelings for a guy anymore, we can be friends! There is zero chance I will ever want to be with them romantically anymore, and they get that message pretty clearly. Occasionally there is a guy who took it pretty hard and can't be friends with me, but most of the time it works out, and I have a lot of great, close friends I used to date. 

I also have really great friends from high school and college that I never hooked up (I have a very guy personality being a female ENTP) that I am still friends with to this day. My partner is an INTP and he loves these guys too and appreciates that I am still friends with them, so we all hang out and it is fun. Their partners are cool too, so it has worked out really well. I don't know if I am an outlier, but I feel lucky.


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## Phil (Dec 27, 2010)

...Yes? Is this that really foreign of a concept?


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## ryosaeba (Jan 6, 2020)

Can barely be friends.


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## APBReloaded (Mar 8, 2019)

Yes and no. Yes because it should be able to come naturally, but one of two things end up happening. One person falls for the other, or you end up hating each other. There are too many factors that contribute to one of these two outcomes. Only way I see it happening is if both people already have their own partners already. If one person is taken and the other is single, well... fucked for the single person then, until they find their own partner.

Then it becomes a mutual friend sort of thing. Otherwise no, not in my experience. Every female friend I've had, I've thought about fucking at least once, or at least imagined the possibility of a relationship with her. I respect marriage though, so once someone is married, I don't think about them anymore.


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## Senah (Oct 17, 2017)

APBReloaded said:


> Yes and no. Yes because it should be able to come naturally, but one of two things end up happening. One person falls for the other, or you end up hating each other. There are too many factors that contribute to one of these two outcomes. Only way I see it happening is if both people already have their own partners already. If one person is taken and the other is single, well... fucked for the single person then, until they find their own partner.
> 
> Then it becomes a mutual friend sort of thing. Otherwise no, not in my experience. Every female friend I've had, I've thought about fucking at least once, or at least imagined the possibility of a relationship with her. I respect marriage though, so once someone is married, I don't think about them anymore.


I feel like this response will probably give hope to all the posts on the forum where everyone is bemoaning not being attractive or being single for eternity. I mean, if every single guy and girl who are friends will eventually fall for each other just because they are opposite sex and in proximity to each other (or end up hating each other because of underlying sexual tension), then most posters on this site have a helluva chance of ending up with somebody!


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## APBReloaded (Mar 8, 2019)

Senah said:


> I feel like this response will probably give hope to all the posts on the forum where everyone is bemoaning not being attractive or being single for eternity. I mean, if every single guy and girl who are friends will eventually fall for each other just because they are opposite sex and in proximity to each other (or end up hating each other because of underlying sexual tension), then most posters on this site have a helluva chance of ending up with somebody!


If you want to put it that way, it's really not that hard to end up in a relationship. The question is whether or not the person is good for you.


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## SamuelR (Jul 18, 2018)

nope


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

^ lol. Also, my answer is still yes, but probably not best friends. Because otherwise you would end up in a relationship with them if you were!


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> ^ lol. Also, my answer is still yes, but probably not best friends. Because otherwise you would end up in a relationship with them if you were!


Not quite - my best guy friend is like a brother to me and we view each other as siblings - so much that he became close with my husband and I’m still close with his ex fiancé 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Not quite - my best guy friend is like a brother to me and we view each other as siblings - so much that he became close with my husband and I’m still close with his ex fiancé
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I didn't say best opposite gender friend, I said best friend.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> I didn't say best opposite gender friend, I said best friend.


My best friend is of the opposite sex though - Most of my friends are male due to the area I’m from- the Silicon Valley has 134 men for every 100 women. The neighborhood I grew up in barely had any kids my age that were girls


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

ai.tran.75 said:


> My best friend is of the opposite sex though - Most of my friends are male due to the area I’m from- the Silicon Valley has 134 men for every 100 women. The neighborhood I grew up in barely had any kids my age that were girls
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Ah, I see. I was talking with another user here who lives in Denver and apparently the situation there is a bit similar too. I think most areas where there aren't more of one gender than the other, what I said is generally true.

Actually, growing up, I usually ended up working at companies where there were mostly staffed by women. So I guess that's why it doesn't necessarily seem wrong to me to date a co-worker (so long as there's no drama) or to just be friends with women.

Well, I guess mystery solved. :laughing:


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

I mean, it is possible in the sense that it actually happens. 

https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/heidi-stevens/ct-defense-of-opposite-sex-friends-balancing-0406-20170406-column.html

A friend of mine in college had mostly female friends. He once told one of them that he sees her as a sister and wouldn't sleep with her if she was the last female on earth. Lol. He lives quite a ways away from me now, so all our communications have been online since then. But he has been with the same girl for like 10 years now, and still seems to interact more with his female friends on social media. 

This friend and I both have sisters and no brothers, I wonder if that factors in? I've heard studies where people who have opposite sex siblings are more likely to be asexual. I'm sure that if you bond with with the opposite sex as a friend after that imprinting business goes on early in life, the friendship can strongly parallel that, and then it can be easy to get your wires crossed trying to view that friend in a sexual light.


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## ShashaCruz (Jul 20, 2018)

has never worked out that way for me sooner or later become intimate especially when drinking or doping


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## attic (May 20, 2012)

I think it would be easier if there wasn't this cultural question hanging in the air, if it really is just friendship. I think I would actually prefer male friends a lot of the time, not sure why, but I feel more comfortable, at ease somehow, until I come to think of that people often think there has to be attraction in the picture, and then I start to worry someone might think that is the case and then I get nervous and it probably makes it seem even more so, and then I notice that and get more anxious and blush... and so on and so forth... Not always, but has happened too many times with people I would have liked to befriend. But then I am not good at befriending people in general.

But I think it can work splendidly, and have seen many cases of that with other people. My husband has about as many if not more female friends I think, and I don't mind. I know he finds a few of them attractive, but it is ok, as long as he doesn't act on it, as long as he isn't going around waiting for something to happen. And to be honest, even if there is some little attraction once in a while, who cares really? Most people are attractive, minds are imaginative, if you spend a lot of time with someone the thought is bound to come up at some point, it is what you do with it that matters I think. But then I am attracted to all sexes, so I guess that makes it necessary to keep boundaries up with anyone. If I couldn't befriend anyone I could hypothetically start to feel more for, I could not befriend anyone. 

I have to admit that the superclose best friend kind of friendship seems difficult for me though, as the line blurs there and a few times I have decided not to do something about acquaintances that seemed to be potential for bestfriend-friendship because there seemed to be a little chance I'd fall in love(men and women). I think it is possible, but a bit difficult, as the kind of person I'd like to have as a superclose friend would likely be similar to the kind of person I could fall for. Perhaps someone really old... but then they'd die on me... Perhaps someone really young, now that there are people 10+ years younger than me that are adults... I think really young people are quite safe for me, not very attractive on a personal level.


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## Froody Blue Gem (Nov 7, 2017)

I definitely believe that people of the opposite genders can be just friends. Some of my better friends are guys. Since a young age, this has been the case too. I know other lasting friendships between opposite genders too.

One thing is, when people of opposite genders are friends, there tend to be assumptions that something else is going on which is annoying. :/ It's an expectation and assumption that people just natually make, but it makes perfectly platonic friendships more awkward than they need to be. 

I think in fiction, there's a tendency for when there is protagonist in a story and they meet someone of the opposite gender, they usually end up together. In mainstream media, it rarely ends up platonic so this affects the way people subconsciously think.

There is one guy IRL, who I could be jokey with and be myself with, then everyone assumes that joking around equals perfect together. This is just one example, but it's happened a ton of other times too. 

Or just being nice to the opposite gender, with my experience. Some guys assume that niceness means that you want a relationship, or other stuff which is definitely NOT true.


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## DAVIE (Mar 16, 2018)

I think there would have to be some kind of sexual chemistry present if it was between two hetro people of opposite sex staying best friends....most probably from the man.


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## Aarya (Mar 29, 2016)

Froody Blue Gem said:


> One thing is, when people of opposite genders are friends, there tend to be assumptions that something else is going on which is annoying. :/ It's an expectation and assumption that people just natually make, but it makes perfectly platonic friendships more awkward than they need to be.





DAVIE said:


> I think there would have to be some kind of sexual chemistry present if it was between two hetro people of opposite sex staying best friends....most probably from the man.


It feels like people have their own definition of friendship which makes the topic more interesting. I've recently had to deal with an ex who didn't just have a female friend, but a female "best friend", even though he only met her 6 months prior. Both of them had issues, to say at least, divorced families and neurological disorder, but were very capable of keeping their lives together and being normal and not disgusting, or so I thought. 

OF COURSE females and males can be just friends, but I also agree one of the two will probably manifest more sexual attraction towards the other, even if not enough to spark a relationship. I have a childhood friend who is male, but we (I) always avoided talking about super personal OR sexual issues and kept it uncomplicated because he'd always had feelings for me but we are vastly incompatible. I hope it's not a lifelong crush, and that at this point, 20 years later, it's just the fact that we've been playing together since children as neighbors that gives him the feelings. I did my best to avert heartbreak, though first time I ever refused his "boyfriend" proposal was when we were 12 I think lol. And kept doing it ever since, always been careful. And we're still friends, we now meet once a year probably when I go home because I live in a different country, and otherwise we maybe talk every 2 months or so. I've helped him with uni projects etc. We used to go to the latest movies together as he's finished his master's as a stage director. Well yeah. It's... interesting sometimes. I still think he has feelings but I always knew it would not work because of what i want to do and how I am, but I did value him and what we had nevertheless, and the way he is as well, better have a sympathetic person that nothing at all... I am the same... sometimes a specific feeling towards a person that isn't exactly just random but isn't exactly partner/sexual love either is the only one able to keep a childhood friendship when we are talking about people of opposite genders. Some may keep the link due to spiritual reasons... I don't know. It's hard to find good quality people who believe in friendships tested by time and who don't stray away because they completely change their core values. I also have two female best friends, one from childhood second from when i was ~14, though I'm separated from all by distance, i go see them once a year. I hate breaking links with people, it just isn't wired in my brain. When I interact with people and I consider them to be close, I rewire my brain to include them in my thoughts and potential activities. Having to re-route your brain everytime someone goes derp, childish, or wants to break contact is very hard/harsh for me, I don't know why. Breaking contact without very good reasons, AFTER a link has been created between me and that person (friend, partner). I wish more people were like this because I have been given way too many head/heartaches due to fickleness. I don't know if this is different between guys. 

I suppose there are cases when it is very platonic, it would mean the energies of the two are more similar, and definitely not male-female polarities. So it depends if we are referring to people who keep their "polarities" straightforward or have tendencies to be "boyish", "feminine", etc.


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## DAVIE (Mar 16, 2018)

Aarya said:


> It feels like people have their own definition of friendship which makes the topic more interesting. I've recently had to deal with an ex who didn't just have a female friend, but a female "best friend", even though he only met her 6 months prior. Both of them had issues, to say at least, divorced families and neurological disorder, but were very capable of keeping their lives together and being normal, or so I thought.


I'll admit it right now. If I was still single and a female friend made a sexual advance on me, I wouldn't say "no". I think 99% of straight single men would go for it. I think I've found all of my girl mates attractive in some form or another, but I supposed biologically you do naturally invite things that are attractive to you.


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

Every guy I've talked to and made good friends with has always ended up wanting something more, sex or a relationship. Even if we are not compatible at all. So you tell me

Perhaps they have been very lonely. So it definitely depends on the person and their level of independence.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> Yes. As long as they don't have sex.


That's easy.

Well, anyway I have managed to retain good enough relations with someone after feelings of attraction faded away.

But generally, I am not attracted to most so it is really easy to just be friends with them without worrying about such complications.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> That's easy.
> 
> Well, anyway I have managed to retain good enough relations with someone after feelings of attraction faded away.
> 
> But generally, I am not attracted to most so it is really easy to just be friends with them without worrying about such complications.


Indeed. Being attracted to all would tear me up. Being selective eases the tension. Leave the roses on the bush and the lilies in the pond.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> Indeed. Being attracted to all would tear me up. Being selective eases the tension. Leave the roses on the bush and the lilies in the pond.


It is important to be the attractive one so you do not suffer when someone gets rejected. Actually, even rejectors do feel bad sometimes.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> It is important to be the attractive one so you do not suffer when someone gets rejected. Actually, even rejectors do feel bad sometimes.


Here is the way I look at it. An imbalance in attraction can often occur. The rejected one can gain by learning a lesson. They were not for you. Since a balance is desired for an ongoing relation, why not learn if you are the rejected one? Even if you don't get a specific clear reason for the rejection, one can still speculate: competition, distraction by a competing life event, anything ... .

Rejection: one can aim too high. If you are the rejector, maybe you aimed too low. Or maybe it was temporary self-interest. You will feel badly, but the other person will learn.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

In general, my answer to this thread would be, between any two people, the personal with the higher sexual marketplace value as perceived will usually be quite happy to be 'just friends'. Effectively, friend zoning is like declawing something. You deny the vulnerability of care by keeping things only comfortable. So, of course there are far more situations where men and women are just friends than there are where passion is a thing experienced by both sides.

The most common of all relationships are those wherein at least one side refuses the friend dynamic steadfastly, and the other side refuses both that and any chance at a passion dynamic. This is perhaps honest (from the side refusing both passion and friendship).


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> Here is the way I look at it. An imbalance in attraction can often occur. The rejected one can gain by learning a lesson. They were not for you. Since a balance is desired for an ongoing relation, why not learn if you are the rejected one? Even if you don't get a specific clear reason for the rejection, one can still speculate: competition, distraction by a competing life event, anything ... .
> 
> Rejection: one can aim too high. If you are the rejector, maybe you aimed too low. Or maybe it was temporary self-interest. You will feel badly, but the other person will learn.


Well, for the rejector maybe you weren't aiming for anything. So you feel burdened and guilty that someone else came to feel that way about you but you could not reciprocate. Well, that's the nice version of it anyway. I think are plenty of people who probably also don't feel particularly bad about it. It isn't exactly shameful to reject what you don't want, and nobody would hold it against you. Except maybe the person being rejected whom you might never speak to again.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Well, for the rejector maybe you weren't aiming for anything. So you feel burdened and guilty that someone else came to feel that way about you but you could not reciprocate. Well, that's the nice version of it anyway. I think are plenty of people who probably also don't feel particularly bad about it. It isn't exactly shameful to reject what you don't want, and nobody would hold it against you. Except maybe the person being rejected whom you might never speak to again.


Aiming. I chose the wrong word. The rejector may have discovered they have other requirements. In rejecting one doesn't have to be cruel. "I like you but I don't/can't think of you that way."


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> Aiming. I chose the wrong word. The rejector may have discovered they have other requirements. In rejecting one doesn't have to be cruel. "I like you but I don't/can't think of you that way."


Hmm, yes. Enough talk. We must begin the lunch proceedings.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Hmm, yes. Enough talk. We must begin the lunch proceedings.


Those wont to reject lunch risk the scorn of others.


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## bengesserit8675309 (Dec 2, 2017)

angelfish said:


> Ah, isn't this interesting. You know, I think I actually had an experience like this. I got to know someone and we had friendly interactions, understood each other well, spent a good bit of time together. I didn't feel like there was "magnetism", but we enjoyed each others' company. People started suggesting things to us and I started to consider. But actually, quite interestingly, at some point I ended up close to him and I didn't like his _scent_, and that was that. The physical attraction ceased. What romantic-ish feelings may have cropped up followed shortly thereafter.
> 
> And actually I wonder about female friendships, too, would I have considered them in a different light if they were widely modelled and accepted or even encouraged as a conduit to romance? I am thinking of a particular friend who seemed "more" to me in a way I had no notion of expressing at the time, before I understood that same-sex attraction was something that could happen.


yes, i found it really interesting, from a pansexual perspective this lead me to identify as lesbian too at my first teenages, all of that weird environment, friends reactions exc. just annoyed me, i felt a certain pull out from that guy if it makes sense? i just don't want anyone to get in my personal area and i wanted to get out of that situations immediately. and i guess many married couples are like that too, there is a huge push from society that never recognizes firstly, it places in humans minds subconsciously. 

and the thing you asked is really really interesting and it could show how much our social stigmas affect us. and how social animals that we are actually. many years ago, when LGBT wasn't supporting like as now, there were less common cases, and i know many of them hidden as well too but, with the acceptence and the socially recognition, we start to see those people more. it's a really interesting subject. and if there is a world like that, which is same sex relationships are normal and the hetero is abnormal, *probably many people wouldn't shout out their voice and would try to hide, even though it is more common in people naturally. and the most interesting thing is, even many of them could believe that they were %100 **** as well? * (there is a work that which says actually none of the humans are %100 **** or hetero, its nearly impossible) that's a really interesting point because, we never talk about what is right or wrong, even common or less, the main thing is always about how many people believes in it or not.
it's the same blindness with the current system too, many people won't be okay about slaves when you ask now, but many people did this years ago because it was socially acceptable. no one is okay with killing people but many people killed each other and was okay with that at WWs. i know there many different aspects but i tried to simplified it.

we act with the current paradigm and it affects us more than we think. that's a very huge and scary power as well. 

take care!

sorry about my english btw


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## strawberry-gingham (Apr 20, 2020)

I don't see why not. Just because someone is attracted to the opposite sex doesn't mean that they want to hook up with every single person of the opposite sex. Following the same logic, gay people wouldn't be able to be friends with people of the same sex, and bisexuals would have no friends (says the bisexual with no friends).

In all seriousness though, my boyfriend and I have been friends with a few couples over the years. I've always considered the guys to be my friends too, not just the girls. In fact I tend to get along better with guys.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

bengesserit8675309 said:


> yes, i found it really interesting, from a pansexual perspective this lead me to identify as lesbian too at my first teenages, all of that weird environment, friends reactions exc. just annoyed me, i felt a certain pull out from that guy if it makes sense? i just don't want anyone to get in my personal area and i wanted to get out of that situations immediately.


Yes! I went through something a bit similar! I remember always being bewildered by all of the "boy craziness" in high school. I had some romantic-y crush feelings towards individuals of both genders, but I got the feeling I was just different when it came to physical interest, since I barely had any. Eventually in college I decided to try fooling around with a guy who seemed friendly and nice (and he was!) but I didn't even enjoy what little we did. After that I joined a lesbian dating site out of curiosity, but I also realized I wasn't feeling any sexual attraction that way either. I decided to just focus on school and figure things out later.



> and i guess many married couples are like that too, there is a huge push from society that never recognizes firstly, it places in humans minds subconsciously.
> 
> and the thing you asked is really really interesting and it could show how much our social stigmas affect us. and how social animals that we are actually. many years ago, when LGBT wasn't supporting like as now, there were less common cases, and i know many of them hidden as well too but, with the acceptence and the socially recognition, we start to see those people more. it's a really interesting subject. and if there is a world like that, which is same sex relationships are normal and the hetero is abnormal, *probably many people wouldn't shout out their voice and would try to hide, even though it is more common in people naturally. and the most interesting thing is, even many of them could believe that they were %100 **** as well? * (there is a work that which says actually none of the humans are %100 **** or hetero, its nearly impossible) that's a really interesting point because, we never talk about what is right or wrong, even common or less, the main thing is always about how many people believes in it or not.
> 
> ...


Your English is excellent. You definitely don't need to apologize! And I agree... my dad and I were actually talking today about how kids born into our area in the current generation are entering a world with a lot more lesbian and gay acceptance than a generation ago, but trans acceptance and acceptance of some other sexual orientations and minorities still has a long way to go. My husband and I have also talked before about the 100% concept and I thought it was interesting that he believes that women tend to have more fluid and less specific sexual orientation than men, who he thinks tend to have a smaller range of preference that doesn't tend to shift. I don't know enough about the data to speak to that - much less if there even is enough data to speak to that - but just the idea that men and women could, on average, have some broad-level differences in _how we personally experience sexuality_ was interesting to me as well. 

Like you said - paradigm matters.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

I myself always feel sexual tension with people of the opposite sex. That doesn't mean I act on that tension, but yeah. It's there.


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

Cat Brainz said:


> Duh of course they can he he he he. I do not crave sex or romance with any other woman apart from my SO and we all know Chesire Cats be crazy XD. On a more serious note I think even though biologically it would make sense to a degree (More romance= more babies) I don't think humans need to mindlessly breed like insects or rabbits so we can just be friends . Plus we are "enlgithened" beings so no need to mate away.
> 
> I have had many female friends in the past and there was no prospect of romance of any kind as we just were happy being buds no more than htat.


Wdym Cheshire cats


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## bengesserit8675309 (Dec 2, 2017)

angelfish said:


> Yes! I went through something a bit similar! I remember always being bewildered by all of the "boy craziness" in high school. I had some romantic-y crush feelings towards individuals of both genders, but I got the feeling I was just different when it came to physical interest, since I barely had any. Eventually in college I decided to try fooling around with a guy who seemed friendly and nice (and he was!) but I didn't even enjoy what little we did. After that I joined a lesbian dating site out of curiosity, but I also realized I wasn't feeling any sexual attraction that way either. I decided to just focus on school and figure things out later.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


oh thank you X) 

yeah, i found it really interesting too, and sometimes everything feels very robotic as well. when i started to search and think about it more. the same think happened with enneagram and MBTI too, it fascinates me to see how much the things we live through our childhood affect us.. whatever we do, we are only able to change very specific things about ourselves, the main emptiness or concerns never changes somehow, even though we know how to deal with those and act, somehow the feeling always stays the same? i mean this happened to me at least, i felt the same things that i felt in my childhood every time.. and sexuality, it builds somehow from genes right? but our sexuality becomes fluid with the environment as well. it's a really interesting subject and i really want to learn about it more too.

and i don't really know about guys being less fluid but it makes some sense somehow. gay guys that i met says that they felt %100 gay and straight ones always says i'm %100 straight, and women that i ask always less sure about it, interestingly, i know bisexual guys as well but lesser than bisexual women, i don't really know if it's generally like this? but if it is, it could makes sense too. women generally have more complex emotions than guys do, don't get me wrong i don't mean more emotinal or deep or having something more developed, i mean having more tendency to crop it into pieces, if it makes sense? and this complexity could lead people to question themselves more? i don't really know.. it could be biological because of ''mother tounge'' stuff (language ability somehow evolved from mother-child relationship, and language is a way to make things more complex), or could be because of social stigmas as well... and even women body shape is less sharp, i know it doesn't makes sense at all, but women or maybe be we should say femininity has more flexible vibe generally, it could explain why feminine people seem more fluid as well too. maybe i should say femininity and masculanity at the beginning because it will make more sense, i don't really think we could say accurate stuff with genders. i met many feminine guys(straight) and many masculine women(straight).. and it would be interesting to talk about why we call some behaviours ''masculine'' and some of them ''feminine'', it is somehow connected with our minds, hormones and many other things.. i don't really know many things about all of this and it won't be right for me to talk about it more, i have thoughts but i should search about it first, there are lots of spectrums and i don't really want to offend anyone. it's really fun to talk about these though.

take care angelfish, it was nice to meet you X)

note: if you still think my english is good notice me lol XD


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## electricky (Feb 18, 2011)

I think it has to be the right combination of people to work. Obviously not being straight helps :wink: I mean, I manage to have sustained friendships with women despite being bi. I have had sustained friendships with men too, though I do admit sometimes I can be on edge and worry they eventually expect a beyond-friends relationship and I am awful at picking up those kind of cues. I think friendships naturally become deeper as they go along, and sometimes the desire for a deep friendship can be hard to discern from wanting a romantic relationship, especially in a straight opposite-gender dynamic. I think those that can separate the two and are not attracted to one another can truly remain friends.


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## Xool Xecutioner (Jul 8, 2018)

I believe they can be, yes, but I would say it wouldn't be as brotherly or vibing as same-sex friendship. A female friend would know intellectually your problems and actions, but it would not be necessarily by heart (ironically that women are deemed more emotional, but I digress). Because of differentiating biology, a guy will just need a guy friend to know and understand what he is going thru BECAUSE he himself has experienced that as a male. Balding, being drafted for the military for combat roles, being disposable, testosterone, anything that pertains to him as a male. And to be fair, I believe this is the same for a woman and her inherent femininity no matter what. A bro for a bro; a sis for a sis. It's not outdated: it's just that humans experience events differently and a local expertise to your problems is best.


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## Xool Xecutioner (Jul 8, 2018)

Mabeller said:


> Xool.
> 
> And the other way around as well. Menstruation, femininity, abortions, make up, etc.


I did not contradict that, but I guess it's good for reminding others.


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

electricky said:


> *I think it has to be the right combination of people to work. Obviously not being straight helps :wink:* I mean, I manage to have sustained friendships with women despite being bi. I have had sustained friendships with men too, though I do admit sometimes I can be on edge and worry they eventually expect a beyond-friends relationship and I am awful at picking up those kind of cues. I think friendships naturally become deeper as they go along, and sometimes the desire for a deep friendship can be hard to discern from wanting a romantic relationship, especially in a straight opposite-gender dynamic. I think those that can separate the two and are not attracted to one another can truly remain friends.


Hah, yeah a friendship with a lesbian is super easy for me, and rewarding. We automatically have some common ground--like liking woman and discomfort with society.

It can be tough to be friends as a CIS male with the opposite CIS sex if I'm single attracted and in an unhealthy state. If it's trouble causing and not possible, I'll distance myself. Otherwise friends with the opposite sex is NP. I'm guessing those who say no just plain hard up.


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## Firemoon (Sep 19, 2015)

Yes I think that's possible. I mean, I'm bisexual, technically I could bang anyone I befriend with. 

But obviously I don't. It's not hard for me to see my friends as friends. Some people are just not my type lol. 

Don't see why hetero people find it so hard.


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## Pippi (Dec 24, 2016)




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## cosmoetic (Mar 24, 2020)

I've had male friends before but it seems that its usually temporary with one having motives beyond friendship at the start or developing feelings along the way.


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## bengesserit8675309 (Dec 2, 2017)

bengesserit8675309 said:


> oh thank you X)
> 
> yeah, i found it really interesting too, and sometimes everything feels very robotic as well. when i started to search and think about it more. the same think happened with enneagram and MBTI too, it fascinates me to see how much the things we live through our childhood affect us.. whatever we do, we are only able to change very specific things about ourselves, the main emptiness or concerns never changes somehow, even though we know how to deal with those and act, somehow the feeling always stays the same? i mean this happened to me at least, i felt the same things that i felt in my childhood every time.. and sexuality, it builds somehow from genes right? but our sexuality becomes fluid with the environment as well. it's a really interesting subject and i really want to learn about it more too.
> 
> ...


i guess i explained it wrong in here, saying biological differences could be neurosexist so i wanted to change my phrase. i believe that social stigmas has more role in these over all after i think about it again, i think cultural stigmas creating those kind of differences between men and women more than real biological differences. and people's actions grow from those stigmas, we raise our children with those stigmas so of course it's more common to see some differences between women and men but i'm questioning, is it really biological or more kind of historical developments? and stigmas? evolution builds with environment too, so it's really a complex subject, a bit philosophical now. the main question must be, does the environmet creates us, or do we creating the environment? which came first the chicken or the egg? 

so i would say, in most cultures, men doesn't hug each other too much or tend to not show their emotions, so because of these stigmas i guess women has more freedom to explore intimate connections than men, so that's why women could be more fluid.


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## Ocean Helm (Aug 25, 2016)

bengesserit8675309 said:


> so i would say, in most cultures, men doesn't hug each other too much or tend to not show their emotions, so because of these stigmas i guess women has more freedom to explore intimate connections than men, so that's why women could be more fluid.


Also, women are seen as less threatening in their sexuality. So if a mostly gay man wants to have friends, it's hard to find hetero male friends, so generally he wants to have female friends and it's a lot easier to just be "totally gay" around them if he prefers relationships with men anyway. And likewise with mostly straight men; it's easier to have a circle of hetero male friends if you closet any gay feelings you may have.


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## Inis Mona (Sep 22, 2016)

Yes, I believe it's possible. Close friends, however, perhaps not.


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## Scirrus (Nov 11, 2016)

Yeah. Lol. I'm sure some people have trouble with it but it's definitely not an everyone thing lol


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## TangoSierra (May 5, 2020)

Superficial friendships yeah but getting closer and “ inseparable “ like girl-girl friendships leads to someone developing feelings.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

Generally speaking what I find is that one, the other, or both parties end up fancying each other. Whenever I've tried to have a woman as a close friend as a man I notice they start to like me. Sometimes I would be more inclined to make friends with people already in relationships for this reasons but those don't work for obvious reasons.

Normally when I like someone I initiate and if they aren't into me I'm not interested in being friends.

So between those two equations it's pretty tough. I think once or twice I've had a truly platonic close friendship with women, but as soon as either one of us startings flirting/dating with someone else it crumbles because we don't make the same time for each other as before.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

TangoSierra said:


> Superficial friendships yeah but getting closer and “ inseparable “ like girl-girl friendships leads to someone developing feelings.


I disagree with that statement- I have many close guy friends and one of my best friend is a guy - he lived with me for a while and we hung out with each other a lot, he even slept over at my house in my room many times - on the floor while I’m in my bed - we have no romantic feelings towards one another .
He became close with every partner I have and would welcome them with open arms - in a way we are a lot like family . I also have many close guy friends growing up ( i grew up in a neighborhood that didn’t have many girls my age) I was never a tomboy but I did have many guy friends and when they started liking girls - they ask me for advice - when I crushed on guys I would often open up to them . Sure I’ve had guy friends that have crushed on me and I have crushed on a guy friend before ( who also liked me back ) but there are many that I’m close with that doesn’t see me beyond a platonic level and vice versa. As mentioned before- my isfp bff is a guy , we have never developed any feelings towards one another- if anything I see him as a brother - always have . 
My husband best friend was a girl- he even traveled to Japan with her , neither of them are attracted to one another . Men and women can be close friends imho.


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## Lovable (Apr 1, 2017)

My best friend and I are just friends and have been for 6+ years. I think it works because none of us is attracted to the other person. I'm not his type and vice versa. 

I also have another friend, we met on tinder but after a short date, we agreed we would never work out, so we became friends instead. In the beginning of us hanging out, whenever he shared something about himself like: "I don't need to have kids or I don't like cake" ( just examples) I would say something like:" yeah, it's a good thing we are not dating" to sort of underline the i'm-not-into-you-at-all. I honestly think it helped and I also think he is massively tired of hearing about it  So yes, I do believe it is possible.


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## Skimt (May 24, 2020)

Professionally, over the internet, and through perhaps shared activities that initially started out as activities (e.g. sports), yes. But, as in people you hang out with in person on a regular basis for leisure, people who have been a part of your social circuit since your days at elementary/high school, people you've met at parties, and so on, no. I don't find that these connections are built on the same intentions that drove the aforementioned friendships. There's normally something sexual that played a part in driving it to become a friendship. It's not to say you can't be friends, it's to say that you know that these friendships are a bit different than the friendships created out of professional curtsy, online computer games games, forums, and sports.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Skimt said:


> Professionally, over the internet, and through perhaps shared activities that initially started out as activities (e.g. sports), yes.
> But, as in people you hang out with in person on a regular basis for leisure, people who have been a part of your social circuit since your days at elementary/high school, people you've met at parties, and so on, no. I don't find that these connections are built on the same intentions that drove the aforementioned friendships. There's normally something sexual that played a part in driving it to become a friendship. It's not to say you can't be friends, it's to say that you know that these friendships are a bit different than the friendships created out of professional curtsy, online computer games games, forums, and sports.


Based solely on the amount of men who told me "I thought you were really hot until I got to know you" (which is an embarrassingly high amount), I don't think everyone has that problem. 

My best friend (other then my SO), who talk to about pretty much everything and who talks to me about pretty much everything is a man. I know things about him that no one else does. We're super close and he's told me he's never cared about anyone this much until me.

HOWEVER, He has zero interest in fucking me and the only comments he ever makes on my appearance aren't usually flattering. They're not mean or anything, but it's more he forgets I'm a woman because of how I am, I guess. And then sometimes is like "oh I guess other people don't see you as a giant sack of potatoes. Weird" if someone compliments me around him or something. It's generally hilarious. He's not an asshole, just very honest. He's also not gay, but just has zero interest there. This is convenient because I also don't want to fuck him. 

it did take us literal years to become close friends as he's an intp and is just very cautious with any thing he does. I had to assure him hundreds of times I had no interest in him sexually or romantically because he had anxiety about that and didn't want to be friends if so. He's no longer worried about it like years later and I've basically added him onto my family and he's good friends with my husband also. They were friends first but I found him really interesting (similar interests and hobbies, sure, but also he's just a fascinating person) so I wanted to get to know him. I'm so happy we became friends and he tells me this often now also. He's the closest I've ever been with anyone (except my so) and he's told me that I'm his best friend and he wants to be friends for life and it's completely platonic.


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## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

Skimt said:


> Professionally, *over the internet,* and through perhaps shared activities that initially started out as activities (e.g. sports), yes. But, as in people you hang out with in person on a regular basis for leisure, people who have been a part of your social circuit since your days at elementary/high school, people you've met at parties, and so on, no. I don't find that these connections are built on the same intentions that drove the aforementioned friendships. There's normally something sexual that played a part in driving it to become a friendship. It's not to say you can't be friends, it's to say that you know that these friendships are a bit different than the friendships created out of professional curtsy, online computer games games, forums, and sports.



I'm curious about this, I have seen a pattern with certain types that do not believe a "romantic" relationship can be formed without physically meeting in person. Would you say you fall into that camp? I wonder what the results would be if a poll were done on it, if there's a correlation with types at all. Whether or not one can "fall in love" online _before _or even _never _meeting in person. Is actual physical contact necessary for feelings of intimacy/something to qualify as love. 

Sorry, quoted you because you listed "over the internet" as an occasion where two people can maintain a non-romantic relationship. I think online relationships can be just as challenging if not more challenging than in person. Simply because people become more bold online. Saying things they otherwise might not in person. It's virtual, so there's this feeling that maybe the consequences aren't quite as damaging? Idk, not explaining myself well. 



***



In regards to OP, my experience has been yes. I tend to enjoy conversations with males more than females. Continual open communication is important. I also think it greatly depends on the level of friendship. I have a number of male acquaintances, no issues there. It's the ones that you _really_ connect with that present the challenges. If there's no physical attraction, it's no biggie. But if there's physical attraction...  That's trickier to navigate. I'm married, so in those cases the frienship would have to end. I have one that I don't think I'll ever _not _be friends with though because we just connect really well. I'm not willing to let go of it because so much growth & learning have blossomed from the friendship. But it can definitely have it's moments where it's a challenge, because there is chemistry.


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## Skimt (May 24, 2020)

Kelly Kapowski said:


> I'm curious about this, I have seen a pattern with certain types that do not believe a "romantic" relationship can be formed without physically meeting in person.


Possible. Just not advisable.


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## elenagilreb (Aug 10, 2019)

Friends? Sure. Close friends? Nope. There's always too much sexual tension.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Of course. I've been close friends with a woman for years. I am not attracted to her. I just know our forms of "crazy" are just not compatible.


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## passionate (Jan 7, 2017)

I don't think men and women can be friends. Acquaintances sound possible.
Like i feel it's kinda awkward. The only guys I have interacted with are online, and i prefer if it was discussions. I'd be nice to them, and reply if they messaged. But I always keep my guard up.
girl-girl friendships are much better and more comfortable


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## ImpossibleHunt (May 30, 2020)

As with most subjective traits, I think it ultimately comes down to the personality of the individual. If I am allowed to make a more specific observation, it may depend on what dominant instinct the individual has.

I used to move around a lot, so I haven't had much experience in dealing with a whole lot of female friends, so probably take my opinion with a grain of salt. However, I can just imagine myself getting pretty passionate about someone I spend a lot of time with.

In my case, I have a dominant "sexual" instinct (I prefer the term one-on-one). Typically I think I am a pretty mild and collected individual who doesn't get angered or stimulated easily.
However, when something gets me riled up, I find it hard to control myself. It's not just with relationships, it can be just about anything.

If it's a fight, I quickly can become domineering and violent if I am pushed enough. If its a project, I will dedicate all of my time and energy into it until I am burned out entirely and can't work on anything else.
If I have romantic feelings towards someone, it can quickly become something that is not so easy to deal with.

To me (and maybe other sexual dominants, I don't know), it's all or nothing. It takes a long time to earn my trust, but when a person earns it, it means a big deal.
If there is a girl involved, romantic feelings for her will probably soon follow. I will often hide it as best I can, but eventually the truth does seep out one way or another.

So generally speaking, I think at least for people with a dominant "sexual" instinct, men and women are either best together as acquaintances, or as romantic relationships only. It's really hard and exhausting to play in the middle.


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## NipNip (Apr 16, 2015)

daleks_exterminate said:


> He's also not gay, but just has zero interest there.


I read this in a tone of _How can the two possible coexist_


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## T.K (Jun 28, 2020)

Unless you view every sex of your attraction as a potential love interest, then yes.
Otherwise, I'm guessing bi people can't have friends since they jump on everything that moves. It doesn't work like that. Well, at least not for any stable human being. But who am I kidding with mentioning the word stable here, lol.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> Yeah. I believe men and women can be friends. Definitely.
> 
> There are different levels and types of friends though. But I do believe they could be all of them.
> 
> ...


My answer on page 3--still the same.


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## Sinuous (Jun 18, 2021)

Yes.


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## Angry-Spaghetti (Feb 25, 2021)

Yes, I find I am really good friends with girls who are XXTJ's. From my experience we get on very well.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

Normal. 
The best example is ISTP women. 
How many male friends do they have and how many women? 
Exactly. Problem solved.


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## HypernovaGirl (May 9, 2016)

Only read the title. I believe so. In theory, If gay people can be monogamous, then heterosexual people should be able to separate one thing from the other as well.


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## Stella_4E (Sep 29, 2021)

Yes you can but there need to be boundaries. Especially if you are in a relationship. 
You can't just call your partner insecure when she doesn't like you spend more time with your opposite gender friend, or doesn't like physical stuffs like hugging, sleepovers, sleeping together (actual sleep). 
There is need for boundaries.


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## Glittris (May 15, 2020)

Indeed...

If she is a shy and just "sweet girl", we can be the very best of friends, and share the most intimate secrets and talk about all kind of things, since I, as a sweet tomgirl, is 'simply not' interested into get into your pants..., I prefer "spicy tomboys" any day above you, so that means, as long as you does not take any initiative, we can be best buddies forever, we can hug pillows together, and look at the starry sky, and talk about all kinds of "What ifs?..."

I already know you are not my type, capishe?...


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

I believe I originally said no but then later changed my mind and said yes. So I'd still say yes, men and women can be just friends so long as romantic feelings for said friend don't start to develop. 🙂


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

No. They can be friends, sure. But chances are the dude will think about boning her at some point. Even if he normally doesn't find her attractive, spend enough time together and he eventually will. Everyone woman has the potential to be irresistibly hot. You just need to see her from a better angle or in the right dress.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

ENFPathetic said:


> No. They can be friends, sure. But chances are the dude will think about boning her at some point. Even if he normally doesn't find her attractive, spend enough time together and he eventually will. Everyone woman has the potential to be irresistibly hot. You just need to see her from a better angle or in the right dress.


Does that mean bi people should not have friends as they could apparently feel that way about either gender?


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## Penny (Mar 24, 2016)

only if one party is gay


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Penny said:


> only if one party is gay


See above question 🤣


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

daleks_exterminate said:


> Does that mean bi people should not have friends as they could apparently feel that way about either gender?


No. It means they shouldn't be surprised if their friendship becomes intertwined with lust. It's hard to keep a friendship going when you're constantly imagining the other person naked.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Do you believe men and women can just be friends?

Certainly a lot depends on your relationship. What if the person is a sibling of the opposite sex? What if they are a parent of the opposite sex? What if it is an ex-lover where both decided other things overwhelmed sex or even both got tired of sex? With sex out of the way, friendship is open.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

BigApplePi said:


> both got tired of sex


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

Yes, but:

It may become complicated if one of them develops feelings for the other. This may become even more complicated if one of the friends does not have a dating life, relationship of their own (may need to lonliness, desperation, neediness, etc which will maninfest in the friendship).

Partners: if either of the friends have partners, those partners need to be emotionally secure with their relationship and not be struck by things like jealousy. This is not just on the partner either. If the relationship with the partner means something, then the person may have to decide what matters more. "Just don't be jealous bruv" is not a thing and it will not work.

Conversations: If your hanging with your male friends, the conversations may be different. Its OK to comment on women on the TV, talk about banging birds, etc. If your hanging with a female friend(s), censor that shit. Probably similarly applies in a different way to women. Also, topics may arise that would not normally arise, regarding relationships, ie a woman may talk about their relationship in a different way to a dude would and go into certain details. Just listen, don't just hear and sure as hell don't judge.

There are probably other things. But yeah, it is possibel I would say. But I wouldn't say its necessarily as straight forward as hanging with your normal friends and just talking shit.


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## Behnam Agahi (Oct 27, 2020)

Yeah, they can also be more than friends 😌 lol 😂


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## Rihanna (Nov 30, 2020)

Yes, I think they can. Like you said it's really dependent on the people involved. I grew up with male siblings and close male friends. I generally felt more at ease around them than I did women on a general note. I still do. The notion that some people believed it was not a possibility was actually pretty lost on me until later in life when, probably hearing a conversation about it or a forum topic like this one it finally occurred to me some people did believe that.

I suppose if you grow up, maybe, in a fashion where there is gender separation in friend groups or schooling, you never learn to perceive someone of the opposite sex as anything but potential romantic partner and/or distant acquaintance?

In more recent years, however and as I have come to exist with less prominent display of the more traditionally masculine traits I have and with more display of more feminine ones, I have noticed that more often men will end up liking me in that way or pursuing me romantically. I know if I ever gave a green light, some of them would go for it. But I would hazard to say actually that it probably also relates to not only the factor of both parties believing it _is_ possible to be friends, but also the quality of the people you surround yourself with.

May just be me but the men who sexualize/romanticize me without any interest on my part tended to not be very...let's say "high quality" men. I don't have a better way of explaining it. The ones I knew where it was possible, and was implied without there ever being a question about were more self assured individuals, had an identity, had character, high intellect...etc. And I think had a concept of value to the people around them that was not a devaluation of all relationships that were not romantic, underneath the romantic one but had a real sense of ..."tribe" for lack of a better word.

I was always one of the boys growing up so relating to men on a not sexual/romantic line of interaction comes natural to me. I register in their brain as maybe like a sister or close friend. If anything it's hard to transition to a more romantic way of connecting.

So yeah. I think definitely is possible, but if you don't believe it's possible for you, then it's probably not likely for you and thus some confirmation bias.


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