# Being treated unfairly



## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Why the fuck do people treat me so unfairly? Even my family, even my so-called "friends" reject me. The only person who doesn't is my girlfriend, but she has serious separation anxiety and I get the feeling she is just infatuated, and not truly in love. I expect that she'll probably break up with me when she realizes what an awful person I am. 

Well, let's start with my family. I've noticed that whenever we're walking together, I'm always on the outside. They NEVER let me be on the inside. I get shoved into walls and other people because of them doing that. I rarely get to speak whenever we're having a conversation. When we're not all at home, they never contact me unless I contact them first. Even my mom rejects my calls like 75% of the time, no matter what the situation. This sort of thing has been going on as long as I can remember. Even my extended family treat my brother like he's better than me. They admire me because they think I'm "smart" but they act like there is more potential in my brother. 

Then there's my "friends." My friendships never last long, when I have them at all. I never had a real life friend until I was 16, and she decided she hated me within 8 months. Then there's my online friends. Most of them I met on okcupid, but they hated me pretty soon too. 

That's something else. Online dating ruined what was left of my self esteem. 320 messages, around 35 responses. Only about half of them were even interested in dating me. 

Then there's what happened to me when I was younger. Bullied at a "great" Catholic parochial school. It seemed like everyone in the grade (around 55 kids) was in on it. School administration did nothing. Simply my attendance at that school turned my family's reputation around there into "freaks." My brother is still dealing with the stigma he got from having me as his brother. 

Other people describe me as "weird" "freak" "scary" and worst of all, "creep." 

I always have to start the conversation. No one, not my family, not my "friends," not anyone ever starts the conversation with me. It makes me feel so lonely. 

Why the hell do people treat me so unfairly? It's making me cry, seriously.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Is this a Rhetorical question?


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Carpentet810 said:


> Is this a Rhetorical question?


what is that supposed to mean?


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

You need to make less of a deal out of it and move on, opportunities come with time. All the time you feel bad about yourself could be used to improve yourself, to change your opinion and further, become more liked.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> what is that supposed to mean?


Exactly.


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## Amine (Feb 23, 2014)

I'd just say life is unfair like that. There's nothing you can do to change it. People will try to tell you to change who you are so you can attract people better or something, but then those same people will later on scorn you for trying to make others like you. That's just how politics works, and you can't rationally discuss it with 99.9% of people out there. They just like telling you you're wrong and trying to get you to validate their recommendations. 

I don't really do friends. I have people I hang out with fairly regularly, but I keep my emotional distance from them. There might be someone out there I actually respect enough to befriend, but I haven't found that person yet. Most people are just idiotic, two-faced liars.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

JTHearts said:


> Why the fuck do people treat me so unfairly? Even my family, even my so-called "friends" reject me. The only person who doesn't is my girlfriend, but she has serious separation anxiety and I get the feeling she is just infatuated, and not truly in love. I expect that she'll probably break up with me when she realizes what an awful person I am.
> 
> Well, let's start with my family. I've noticed that whenever we're walking together, I'm always on the outside. They NEVER let me be on the inside. I get shoved into walls and other people because of them doing that. I rarely get to speak whenever we're having a conversation. When we're not all at home, they never contact me unless I contact them first. Even my mom rejects my calls like 75% of the time, no matter what the situation. This sort of thing has been going on as long as I can remember. Even my extended family treat my brother like he's better than me. They admire me because they think I'm "smart" but they act like there is more potential in my brother.
> 
> ...


You have raised an intriguing question because life contains "unfairness" all around us. Briefly (unless you get more of my attention), unfairness works at both ends. By that I mean something is going on with those who are unfair to you and something is going on with what you do or how you present yourself. You can control the latter by figuring out what's with you. How to address the former is more complicated.


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## star tripper (Sep 1, 2013)

Figure out why people keep treating you that way and decide if you're willing to change that aspect of you.

Kids hated me when I was growing up, and one day I figured out why I attracted such negative opinions. I wasn't aware of nor particularly attached to the trait that incited such a reaction, so I just trained myself out of it. No big deal. I think it also made me a better person all around so it was a good change.

Sometimes we just have shitty traits we're not aware of that turn people off. Does it warrant bullying or parental neglect? No, but it does warrant not being a friend magnet. If you're attached to the trait you have that isn't accepted by others, keep it and fuck those people. But if not, work on self-improvement.


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## saxol (Aug 20, 2015)

I don't know why you are experiencing what you are, but can you speak more about why you seem to view yourself so negatively as your post suggests? Forget about others for a time here and speak about how you feel about you. Look forward to reading more.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> Why the fuck do people treat me so unfairly? Even my family, even my so-called "friends" reject me. The only person who doesn't is my girlfriend, but she has serious separation anxiety and I get the feeling she is just infatuated, and not truly in love. I expect that she'll probably break up with me when she realizes what an awful person I am.


This type of thinking can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you truly love her, relax and enjoy being with her. 

1) Do you truly believe that you are an awful person, deep down? 
a) If so, time for some targeted & strategic personal development; you won't get respect, love, or friendship from people if you actually are awful - why would that be expected?
b) If you know that you are not, it's time to look at what might be happening around you.

2) Have you talked with your parents about this pattern, how it affects you and that you wish for a change?
a) If not, give it a try. It might take a while to get through to them - it seems very hard for some parents to accept that their child is becoming their own person, who doesn't fit into the labelled box their parents decided would define the child. 
b) If you have and they deny it in an unhealthy way, is it possible that you have grown up in a Cluster B household and that your brother is the Golden Child? (I can provide a couple of links if needed. Children who are abused at home often end up being bullied by their peers as well.)
If this is the case, the only thing you can do is to start empowering yourself and build up your self-esteem.



It sounds like you are really hurting, so I hope that you can figure out what is going on and come up with a solution. Good luck!


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

JTHearts said:


> I expect that she'll probably break up with me when she realizes what an awful person I am.


I don't know you, but reading between the lines I think this statement is the root of your problem. You feel like an awful person, and others pick up on that and treat you that way. You need to do things that make you feel like a better person, someone worthy of respect. Volunteer, exercise, do things you enjoy, things like that. People are attracted to those who are happy with their life. Once you get there and realize you truly are a person of worth then others will see that as well and start treating you better, and you'll also care less about the opinions of those who do not treat you well.

Many of these things seem like they are fairly normal, but you're making them out to be specifically because people hate you. If you're a guy, you're not going to get a ton of replies on a dating site, that's just the way it is...I've seen the stream of messages many women get and there are just too many to reply to. It has nothing to do with you, it's just the fact that you're a guy and they're deluged with messages or maybe have even already found a relationship but never bothered to close the account. Being forced to walk on the outside with your family, could that be just because that's what they've always done so it's a habit? Have you asked them about it and let them know how it makes you feel?

You seem to be pretty negative on life. People don't want to be around negative people. Stop making it about you and work on helping others and doing positive things with your own life. Try not to take things too personally, my experience is that most people don't even realize it when they do something that could be interpreted as an insult. They're too busy with their own lives to even think about how their actions are affecting others.

Life is unfair, that's not going to change. What you can do is realize what you can change and what you can't, and try not to dwell on those things you can't change. Most of the stuff you can change is on your side, especially how you think about things and react to them.

A good follow up read if you truly feel people are constantly taking advantage of you is Boundaries http://amzn.com/0310247454 Or just google healthy boundaries.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

I don't want to come off harsh, but there's no easy way to say it, so I'll say it. 

I've only come across a handful of your posts to date but they all have a commonality. You seem to be in a really bad emotional space right now and it shows in everything you say. Now I'm not going to say you shouldn't be feeling like an injustice has been done to you. But I will say that people in general have a limited facility for sympathy and it wears out very quickly. Now I don't know what your offline persona is like obviously, but if it comes within a hair of your online one, I think you're probably not helping yourself a great deal. 

Here are two things to consider

- When we are emotionally worn down, we tend to get hypersensitive and find offence where none was intended. 
- Right or wrong. People will always distance themselves from someone who consistently complains and rages. 

Do with this information, whatever you will. I'm just offering it, not forcing it upon you.


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## Ermenegildo (Feb 25, 2014)

The Buddha says: Birth is suffering (dukkha), ageing is suffering, death is suffering; sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair are suffering; association with the unbeloved is suffering; separation from the loved is suffering; not getting what is wanted is suffering.

Don't expect too much from life – you already have one girlfriend _plus_ two hands.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

While there is lots of good advice I'm readying so far, I'd like to read how YOU were treated unfairly with some examples and what you did about it or how your attitude has changed. I will think about it and do the same. 

Here is an example from me. The class was told not to talk. Anyone who was caught talking could not go to the class concert and would have their money refunded. I talked. I couldn't go and got my money back. I was shy to start with and years later never wanted to go to a concert again. I listened at home. This was unfair because the punishment didn't fit the crime. 

Yes the punishment didn't seem to fit the crime. I had bad luck and got caught. I failed to realize the teachers had to keep order. I fell into the crack. It's up to me to rehabilitate myself. Teachers can't be expected to take care of everything. Either I follow the rules or I take my chances. What was so important that I talked when told not to?


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

@InSolitude, I agree, the posts I have come across seem pretty hateful, angry, bitter.

On the other hand, that is not an unnatural reaction if you come from an abusive environment. Hard to know whether it is cause and effect. But I agree with your point - angry people seldom make new friends. The anger needs to be resolved in order to move on.


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## RantnRave (May 1, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> Why the fuck do people treat me so unfairly? Even my family, even my so-called "friends" reject me. The only person who doesn't is my girlfriend, but she has serious separation anxiety and I get the feeling she is just infatuated, and not truly in love. I expect that she'll probably break up with me when she realizes what an awful person I am.
> 
> Well, let's start with my family. I've noticed that whenever we're walking together, I'm always on the outside. They NEVER let me be on the inside. I get shoved into walls and other people because of them doing that. I rarely get to speak whenever we're having a conversation. When we're not all at home, they never contact me unless I contact them first. Even my mom rejects my calls like 75% of the time, no matter what the situation. This sort of thing has been going on as long as I can remember. Even my extended family treat my brother like he's better than me. They admire me because they think I'm "smart" but they act like there is more potential in my brother.
> 
> ...


In the small exposure I've had during threads on here, I think the problem is you.

You seem very set in your ways. This can be a good thing or bad thing. Although I've disagreed with you before and found your beliefs to be extremely questionable, I do give you credit for standing behind what your beliefs are (regardless of how asinine they may be).

While I tend to be overly critical of people, it's definitely not in my nature to kick someone when they are down. That being said, what I'm telling you comes from a place of positive even if it sounds negative.

Sometimes the belief that there is a problem, creates a problem. Seeking self value in others is a waste of time. This is why I have little regard of what I say to others and what they say of me. True love comes from within.

Loving yourself means forgiveness. In order to forgive, you have to acknowledge failure. Perhaps the relationships you have/had dissolved due to something you did. That doesn't really matter. 

*Rule in life:* You attract what you believe you deserve. 

What really matters at this point is why you need external validation for the great being that you are. Every single person in this world is a magical human being who chooses to embrace their greatness, be mediocre or be the underdog. 

So the important question here is: Do you believe you are weird, a freak, scary and/or a creep? Since quotations are used, I can only assume it's up in the air. You don't really want to embrace that, but the fact it is coming from an external source it is playing with your belief system.

I was bullied, I've had bad shit happen to me yet I am more confident than a pro hockey star playing in a house league. This is not an ego measuring contest. I'm saying this because it comes from a state of mind rather than an external source. I believe I'm amazing. That is not to confuse confidence with conceit. Being amazing means that I can accept my failures and forgive myself because I know who I am. I can laugh at my failures by simply stating: "man that's totally something I would do. I can be a douchebag sometimes. Haha".

The important message in this rant is to embrace the inner weird, scary, creep within. To acknowledge that maybe you do come off that way to certain people. Accept that. Embrace that. It is the essence of who you are. When you are comfortable in your own skin and stop noticing that you are on the "inside" when walking all the time, your energy will beam throughout a room.

Mate, I was there. I hated myself. I came close to suicide. I've had PTSD. I've had depression issues. I'm a success story and you can be too. 

Lastly, the thing that really struck me the most when I decided to love myself was how people started acting around me. You know those people that walk into a room and you turn your head because you can feel their presence? That's what I was told I had become. Consider the source of all external influences. Most people are weak and sheep like. Take it with a grain of salt.

You're the man; you just don't know it yet.


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## C3bBb (Oct 22, 2013)

You can only receive as much as you give. No one is attracted to a serial complainer.


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## 66393 (Oct 17, 2013)

Omg. Stop making threads. You complain, complain, complain but never do anything. You make threads in the advice center, but you clearly aren't looking for advice. Getting advices implies that the recipient is going to utilize this information to make a positive change in his or her life. You are looking for emotional support.

Take initiative and start changing your life.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

coy said:


> Omg. Stop making threads. You complain, complain, complain but never do anything. You make threads in the advice center, but you clearly aren't looking for advice. Getting advices implies that the recipient is going to utilize this information to make a positive change in his or her life. You are looking for emotional support.
> 
> Take initiative and start changing your life.


You can't tell me what to do.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

saxol said:


> I don't know why you are experiencing what you are, but can you speak more about why you seem to view yourself so negatively as your post suggests? Forget about others for a time here and speak about how you feel about you. Look forward to reading more.


I hate myself. I feel like I am dirt, scum, whatever you want to call it. I know you said not to mention others, but that is certainly how others treat me. I'm inferior. Lesser. Less deserving. Not good enough.


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