# ENFP parents? Did you have one?



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

I'm curious about people's experiences with ENFP parenting -- either being one or having one. In your experience, what's the good, the bad, and the ugly about being an ENFP parent or being raised by an ENFP?


----------



## Kitty.diane (May 12, 2014)

I am an ENFP parent. My child is extremely well behaved and even tempered. He is also very independent. I try to not make decisions for him and i TRY to not let my family do that either. That is a really difficult thing to prevent considering my main babysitter is my ESTJ grandfather. (Ugh) I do lose patience easily and he has come to grips with that (by age 5 lol). I was raised by a single mom (ENTP). She is my closest and dearest friend and always has been my first choice for a partner in crime! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

thanks @Kitty.diane. If you don't mind my asking, what do you find yourself losing patience with?


----------



## Kitty.diane (May 12, 2014)

Umm....... Everything. I have like NO patience. Maybe cuz im so much smarter than everyone else? LoL. J/K


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

Kitty.diane said:


> Umm....... Everything. I have like NO patience. Maybe cuz im so much smarter than everyone else? LoL. J/K
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


lol Ktty -- that is probably it. We ENFP's have that problem allll the time ;-)


----------



## Kitty.diane (May 12, 2014)

Lizabeth said:


> lol Ktty -- that is probably it. We ENFP's have that problem allll the time ;-)


Constantly! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lati (Jun 4, 2014)

I'm a very new ENFP parent- and was parented by an xnfp as well- 

Let's see.

My mother's shortcoming was definitely consistency. Nothing was consistent in my life except the lack of consistency. It made me feel really inadequate and guilty as a child, because I felt like I constantly had to pick up the slack. When I became an adolescent the small grip she had on daily chores and housework slipped and then THAT felt like it was on me, too. I didn't pick it up, of course- I had no idea HOW to be consistent, so it just piled up in a big lump of guilt in my head, and continued to until 3 months ago when everything changed and I became the first lady of my household. And there was the fact that she could become so absorbed in what she was doing that I could be yelling at her till I was blue in the face and it would still take her like 5 minutes to realize I was talking to her. She was able to tune me out extremely well. She often seemed like she was in another world. Looking back, it might even appear she was on drugs...but when you COULD snap her out of it and bring her back to earth, she was perfectly normal. 

The things she did right- Oh jeeze, she loved me. i had the most fun, free childhood. Being home-schooled- and not that much school, at that- I could go anywhere with her, do anything, and she let me explore so much, all while by my side. We were very close when I was little. I feel like I had the dream childhood, honestly. Because an only child, I was doted on- but at the same time, always taught the value of things, too. I know in reality my childhood was unbalanced, but the memories I carry are precious and fabulous- and I wouldn't have gotten that without her. 

Now...me as a mom to a four year old... Well, I'm a crappy mom so far. And I knew I would be, so it shouldn't come as a huge shocker. I've only been doing this 3 months, but I'm incredibly impatient and short-tempered and [email protected]#@#!$#%! Every day is a struggle. I love kids- I really do- but I can't connect to them like I can adults. Even as a child, I far preferred having conversations with adults that would take me seriously, than try to relate to my peers. So what this means is my little girl just drains me, mentally and emotionally, because connecting with her is so difficult and so rare. I just want to be left alooone! But yeah. I am getting better every day, and forcing myself to spend more time with her. I just want to enjoy this and not view it as a drudgery. These years are so precious, and I know I'll regret every minute of viewing this all how I view it. So I'm trying. And I'm getting better. So that's something.

Most things I'm good at are not things inherent to my type. I'm consistent and provide a calm, stable house- the calm and stable thing, maybe, but the consistency feels foreign and forced. I'm hoping over time it'll become natural. Right now it's because my dad (INTP) and I are working together to keep it this way, because it's what she needs. I'm also affectionate when I'm not tearing my hair out. I'm almost always up for a hug. And oh goodness is she huggy. 

I hope this helped!


----------



## mjostrong (Aug 7, 2014)

What the heck is an ISFJ without an ENFP parent doing on this thread?!? Lurking of course! Moving on.
I had an INFP parent and an ESFP parent. The ESFP checked out when I was three and the INFP was a single parent to four kids thereafter. Does how a INFP parent fit in this thread? ... Lati did it first! 
My dad was seriously the best dad ever. Like Lati's mom, he wasn't the most consistent- but he gave it his all and it was enough for us. Looking back I think he had to discipline himself just as much as us! When he said, go to bed at 9!, for example it was just as hard on him to enforce it as it was on us.  He loved spending time with us! If he didn't have to do the responsible parent thing he would have been up until three every morning just talking to us about life and math and anything and everything else.
Sadly, he struggles with several different mental illness's. Of the four kids, I appreciate what he did for us and how he raised us the most. The older two resent him quite a lot for his deficiencies. He was frequently lost in his own world- but he always taught us what was right and he taught us how to make our own decisions so that we could be successful adults. Unfortunately protecting us wasn't his strong suit. Me and my twin sister were abused at an early age by a relative, and then a very short and unsuccessful step-parent and step-siblings stepped in and for a year told us that we were worthless and we were going to be failures in everything. Protecting us from that wasn't something that he did, and I don't really think he was aware it was going on. 
When we became teenagers a lot of the housework and household management fell to us, which was fine, in my opinion. It taught us how to do it and we didn't fail at it, so no harm. By the time I was an adult, and probably before actually, his mental state had deteriorated so much that he needed us more than we needed him. Me and my twin sister take turns caring for him now.

I was tempted not to post this, but honestly my dad is XNFP, it's hard to say if he's an E or an I, because his mental problems keep him very cut off from the outside world. If he had his way, he would always have one of his children in the same room with him so he could talk their ear off, lol! So really he could be an ENFP.

In short: lacked consistency and protectiveness, provided good decision making and unparalleled love.


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

Lati said:


> I'm a very new ENFP parent- and was parented by an xnfp as well-
> 
> Let's see.
> 
> ...


Thanks Lati! Part of the reason I asked the question was 1) I had an ISFJ mom, and part of me was wondering/fantasizing about what it might have been like to have a parent who was the same type as me. I can see how it would have both it's pluses and minuses. But even though my mom was a J type, her Jness more applied to her sense of social order, not so much environmental order, so I had similar experiences to you in terms of getting frustrated with her disorganization and feeling like I had to pick up a lot of those pieces (even though I'm naturally disorganized myself -- which made it a particular chore to me). 

2) I'm hoping to adopt sometime in the near future, and I just wanted some insight that might help me think ahead about where my strengths and weaknesses might be as a parent in relationship to type. There are the theoretical issues that you can find listed on sites, but I was looking for what other people's actual experiences are, so thank you. (Basically, I just want some experiential information for my database for my Ne-Fi-Te machine to sort of explore as I'm preparing myself for parenthood.


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

mjostrong said:


> What the heck is an ISFJ without an ENFP parent doing on this thread?!? Lurking of course! Moving on.
> I had an INFP parent and an ESFP parent. The ESFP checked out when I was three and the INFP was a single parent to four kids thereafter. Does how a INFP parent fit in this thread? ... Lati did it first!
> My dad was seriously the best dad ever. Like Lati's mom, he wasn't the most consistent- but he gave it his all and it was enough for us. Looking back I think he had to discipline himself just as much as us! When he said, go to bed at 9!, for example it was just as hard on him to enforce it as it was on us.  He loved spending time with us! If he didn't have to do the responsible parent thing he would have been up until three every morning just talking to us about life and math and anything and everything else.
> Sadly, he struggles with several different mental illness's. Of the four kids, I appreciate what he did for us and how he raised us the most. The older two resent him quite a lot for his deficiencies. He was frequently lost in his own world- but he always taught us what was right and he taught us how to make our own decisions so that we could be successful adults. Unfortunately protecting us wasn't his strong suit. Me and my twin sister were abused at an early age by a relative, and then a very short and unsuccessful step-parent and step-siblings stepped in and for a year told us that we were worthless and we were going to be failures in everything. Protecting us from that wasn't something that he did, and I don't really think he was aware it was going on.
> ...


Thank you for this, mjostrong. I'm so sorry about what you went through in your childhood. It sounds as though you found a way to survive it with strength and balance. 

I know that one of the things that I will have to work on as a parent is that consistency -- not so much in terms of behaviour management. I have worked with children since my teens, so I think I'm fairly balanced in my approach to combining fun and flexibility with structure and clear limits. But the hard part for me will be keeping the household organized, providing a predictable schedule, remembering to follow through on tasks that have to be done. I'm glad to hear that your dad's interest in you and sense of fun helped you feel better about your childhood, because I know that's definitely a strength for me!


----------



## chimeric (Oct 15, 2011)

I have an ENFP dad. He's an amazing person and parent. Warm, supportive, dedicated, and creative. His shortcomings weren't as much of an issue, because my mom's an ISTJ and provided the majority of the daily structure.


----------



## Pookabear (Mar 12, 2014)

I don't have an ENFP parent nor am I one but I am pretty curious about what types their kids turn into!
So, not to take this thread off topic TOO much, but if any of you feel like sharing, what MBTI types are the kids of ENFP parents you know of?


----------



## Stasis (May 6, 2014)

Pookabear said:


> I don't have an ENFP parent nor am I one but I am pretty curious about what types their kids turn into!
> So, not to take this thread off topic TOO much, but if any of you feel like sharing, what MBTI types are the kids of ENFP parents you know of?


My mom is an ENFP, my dad is INFJ.

Brother- ISTJ
Me- INTJ
Sister- ESFJ


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

chimeric said:


> I have an ENFP dad. He's an amazing person and parent. Warm, supportive, dedicated, and creative. His shortcomings weren't as much of an issue, because my mom's an ISTJ and provided the majority of the daily structure.


I'm going to be single-parenting it, so I'm going to have to figure out how to compensate without a J to structure things for me *sigh*



EDLC said:


> My mom is an ENFP, my dad is INFJ.
> 
> Brother- ISTJ
> Me- INTJ
> Sister- ESFJ


Did you find that having a J-type dad helped balance things in your household? Or was your mom pretty balanced herself?


----------



## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

I'm an enfp parent . My son is only 2.5 years old. I'm pretty mellow but firm, fortunately my son is very well behave and observant. I guess the way I raise him might offend some people - I've never used the cry it out method on him nor have I ever raised my voice. If he throws a tantrum I'll explain to him what's wrong - if he cries from nagging I'll ignore and explain calmly to him what he did wrong . I think as a parent I'm pretty good but then I was raised by a very loving(but annoying ) esfj mom - she always trusted me which is something that I feel secure about myself - but she's also very needy and has a tendency to nag or criticize me something I remind myself daily not to do to my son. So far he's great ! Very joyful and sweet


----------



## Stasis (May 6, 2014)

Lizabeth said:


> Did you find that having a J-type dad helped balance things in your household? Or was your mom pretty balanced herself?


My Mom pretty much kept us in line. We lived apart from my Dad for many years because he was in the military in the U.S. while we were in another country, so she worked and took care of us.

She ran the house, kept us in sports all year long, introduced us to English and ASL, and disciplined us when necessary. She often complains that she raised us to be too independent but I think that's a sign of good parenting. Both of my parents provided structure to our household but my Mom provided wisdom and much more.


----------



## atenea (Sep 14, 2014)

Iìm INFP and I think my mother is probably ENFP (not sure, maybe ENFJ).


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

atenea said:


> Iìm INFP and I think my mother is probably ENFP (not sure, maybe ENFJ).


If you don't mind sharing, what is your mom like?


----------



## The_Wanderer (Jun 13, 2013)

INFP mother.


----------



## atenea (Sep 14, 2014)

Lizabeth said:


> If you don't mind sharing, what is your mom like?


She is very pacific and friendly, very tolerant of others, avoids conflict (she really dislikes it). She is extroverted and likes to talk to everyone, has a lot of friends (but not very close ones, except one or two). Loves to help others and express afection to them. She has spirituals beliefs that are very important to her (not religious ones; more New Age, energies, past lives, soul mates, angels...). She is mostly organized, punctual and reliable, but also likes to improvise and try new things. She has a strong imagination and a good sense of humor, she's a bit childlike. Likes ideas and brainstorming, and speculating about various possibilities. Very optimistic and seems to always be happy.

What do you think her type is?


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

atenea said:


> She is very pacific and friendly, very tolerant of others, avoids conflict (she really dislikes it). She is extroverted and likes to talk to everyone, has a lot of friends (but not very close ones, except one or two). Loves to help others and express afection to them. She has spirituals beliefs that are very important to her (not religious ones; more New Age, energies, past lives, soul mates, angels...). She is mostly organized, punctual and reliable, but also likes to improvise and try new things. She has a strong imagination and a good sense of humor, she's a bit childlike. Likes ideas and brainstorming, and speculating about various possibilities. Very optimistic and seems to always be happy.
> 
> What do you think her type is?


I can't say for sure, but she sounds ENFP to me.


----------



## WarriorBard (Jan 24, 2014)

My dad is an ENFP and he was a great parent. It was funny reading what @Lati said about connecting to kids because my dad was the same way. He did some fun stuff with us when we were little, but it wasn't until I turned 12 or 13 that he really started becoming involved in my life because I think that was when I could finally start having interesting conversations with him. I love his optimism and energy, and that he is always ready to listen to whatever I want to talk about and get into it with me. It's weird because although he is very anti-structure in his own life, my brother and I grew up in a very structured environment. You can't blame it on my mom either because she is a very free-spirited ISFP. I always joke that they're the hippies who raised two soldiers.

My Dad - ENFP
My Mom - ISFP
Me - INFP
My brother - ESTJ (I'll add that even though he's the youngest, all three of us call my brother "Dad" for obvious reasons, lol)


----------



## cottoncamby (Aug 14, 2012)

WarriorBard said:


> My dad is an ENFP and he was a great parent. It was funny reading what @Lati said about connecting to kids because my dad was the same way. He did some fun stuff with us when we were little, but it wasn't until I turned 12 or 13 that he really started becoming involved in my life because I think that was when I could finally start having interesting conversations with him. I love his optimism and energy, and that he is always ready to listen to whatever I want to talk about and get into it with me. It's weird because although he is very anti-structure in his own life, my brother and I grew up in a very structured environment. You can't blame it on my mom either because she is a very free-spirited ISFP. I always joke that they're the hippies who raised two soldiers.
> 
> My Dad - ENFP
> My Mom - ISFP
> ...


This is so funny to me! I'm infp and my kids are isfp and enfp. The three of us get along famously. My husband is entj. You can imagine...  He is always trying to corral us, which should be a totally lost cause! I think our family works BECAUSE of this crazy combination.


----------



## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

cottoncamby said:


> This is so funny to me! I'm infp and my kids are isfp and enfp. The three of us get along famously. My husband is entj. You can imagine...  He is always trying to corral us, which should be a totally lost cause! I think our family works BECAUSE of this crazy combination.


lol -- your poor hubby!

My family was

mom- isfj
dad - enfj/entj (he seemed to be a bit of both)
brother - I'm having a hard time figuring him out, but i'm thinking isfj
me - enfp

I think I was influenced by my dad a lot, and in a different way by my mom, which brought out certain T and J tendencies in me in the context of the family. Even though my mom was a j I think it applied more to how she structured her internal world rather than the outside world -- she was more disorganized than I was and I think my attempts to organize things at home was in part a reaction to my mother's disorganization. Too bad some of that didn't carry over to making me more organized now that I"m living on my own!


----------



## WarriorBard (Jan 24, 2014)

cottoncamby said:


> This is so funny to me! I'm infp and my kids are isfp and enfp. The three of us get along famously. My husband is entj. You can imagine...  He is always trying to corral us, which should be a totally lost cause! I think our family works BECAUSE of this crazy combination.


Wow! That is an awesome family. My grandmother is an ENTJ, and wow, I can't even imagine. It's so funny to think of me being my parents parent (wow, confusing sentence much?) That's great that you all get along. I like the whole INFP/ISFP/ENFP grouping with a little TJ magic thrown in.


----------



## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

ai.tran.75 said:


> I'm an enfp parent . My son is only 2.5 years old. I'm pretty mellow but firm, fortunately my son is very well behave and observant. I guess the way I raise him might offend some people - I've never used the cry it out method on him nor have I ever raised my voice. If he throws a tantrum I'll explain to him what's wrong - if he cries from nagging I'll ignore and explain calmly to him what he did wrong . I think as a parent I'm pretty good but then I was raised by a very loving(but annoying ) esfj mom - she always trusted me which is something that I feel secure about myself - but she's also very needy and has a tendency to nag or criticize me something I remind myself daily not to do to my son. So far he's great ! Very joyful and sweet


I'll update this bc now I have 3 kids 
My son is turning 6- I believe i snapped at him twice, both time was when he was jumping up and down repeating the phrase "party in the elevator " and I said "shut up!" 
He stopped immediately but I felt guilty afterward , bc I know that I could have asked him to stop and he would ( my son listens to me and is always earnest of my approval ) . I still haven't spanked my child or give him time out - our communication is much easier now that he's more verbal . My son is an estp . Very extroverted, spatially aware, alert and excitable- he learn best through action and experience hence his schedule is filled with active experiences ( he went to an outdoor preschool- now he takes karate classes, art classes and we go hiking with a disposable camera every Sunday ( he loves taking pictures) 
My daughter - intj I believe is probably the easiest baby to take care of , she's very calm, mature and observant- kind of like a mini adult- she's very shy and is slow to warm towards strangers, she enjoys playing adult and being read to . She also adore her younger brother and is very protective of him. She speak 3 languages fluently and she knows which language to use with which friends or family members, she had never thrown a tantrum. I'm much softer with her compared to my estp son - since she's an introvert- I made sure that she's comfortable first before throwing her into new setting. My istp husband is especially fond of our daughter , I love watching them interact with one another. 
My youngest is 1- very friendly but calm . I'm lucky - all my kids are easy in temperament. 
I still stand by not letting a baby cry it out- not raising my voice at my child and I do shower them with gifts and experiences every chance I get. However I do set rules - no tv( unless they're watching it with an adult), no iPad, no video games, they all eat organically and never had any fast food and I don't buy toys that doesn't serve learning purposes ( for example we make stuff animals together instead of buying them) . I'm very easy going but I'm not a permissive parent- my 5 years old have been learning moral and ethics since he was a baby - we discuss social matters with one another - I let him watch videos of natural disasters and explain things to him and I must admit- it's very hard to be patient with your own child- but all in general I think I'm doing well as a parent . I'll check in again once teenage year hits 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## Felix Black (Dec 27, 2017)

My mom is an ENFP and she's just the best! She's always encouraged us to be ourselves, happy and to find our calling. We share the same hobbies (music, art, litterature) so we do some activities together!  
She's never had to discipline us (or if she did I don't remember) and was always helpful and supportive when we were at school! 
Anyway, my ENFP mom is great! ENFPs are just the best hehe ctopus:


----------



## Zaitzev (Nov 26, 2017)

Good - Understanding, funny, let me make my own choices.
Bad - May not take some things seriously.
Ugly - Non.


----------



## Master_Star (Jan 16, 2018)

NFs are rare in my family. Most of my relatives are SJ or SP.


----------



## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

@Alesha think you might like this thread

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## Llyralen (Sep 4, 2017)

I DO like this thread. Thanks @ai.tran.75 It’s hard to be objective. I’m not sure my son is a ENFJ but he’s ENF and the most j of any of us. On Sunday he texts me: “So I suppose we aren’t having lunch....its 2:30 mom”. Lol. Okay, so I kicked my butt and made a late lunch. He has high standards for how it should be. He gets mad if we aren’t living up to his standards of how he should be raised... but I love this, obviously. I love his standard and will try to match it. I think it all came from my own standards anyway....


----------



## calicobts (Sep 12, 2017)

My dad is an ENTP and my mom identifies as INTJ (but I suspect ENFP or ENTP). I'm surrounded by Ne users :laughing:


----------

