# How well do you identify with your Wing?



## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

*Hhhmm....*

For myself, I relate to my wing as a kind of ideal in a sense. I enjoy helping other people and being useful, so in that way I can relate but in having so few relationships this doesn't necessarily get a lot of practice. Course being a perfectionist, I want to do things the right way as I see it. I don't relate to the 9 at all, so maybe that plays a role in here. I also tend to relate to the 4 and 7 that are my points of integration and disintegration that I have seen myself show those traits at times that make me think I was unhealthy or healthy at times.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

I feel like I can relate to my 6 wing both sides of it quite a bit, it helped me confirm it was possible for me to be a 7 and have social anxieties as well. I'm starting to relate to the 8 wing as well though it seems to be still growing.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

I'm a 5w6 but I find I also relate a fair bit to the 4 wing.


My 6-ish traits:
*Loyal
*Responsible
*Wants security
*Trustworthy
*Anxiety prone
*Mostly phobic but can be counterphobic
*Prone to defensiveness when challenged
*Roots for the underdog
*Wants to feel like I belong

My 4-ish traits:
*Prone to envy
*Wants to be unique and hates the thought of being average
*Prone to melancholy and mild depression
*Deeply moved by aestetics- especially music
*Seeks meaning in things. 
*Values creativity
*Often feels something is missing and is searching for that missing piece


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## minkaybell (Aug 15, 2010)

Well, I strongly relate to my 7 wing, my adolescence consisted of recklessly pursuing adventure, and I would've continued on that path save the "loyalties" that I had towards people (my family members) and came back to ground level. I have never placed much value or importance in my 'security', though maybe this is untrue and subconsciously I could place more importance on it --- all I know is that when I stopped my adventurousness in favor of my family, my 7w6 friend at the time continued to pursue it - though her family was more supporting of her unconventional lifestyle, but I doubt it would've held her back had they been stricter and less accepting as my family were. Another strong point I feel I must bring up is that when I did suppress the adventure my soul craved, I felt like I *lost purpose in my life, failed myself in some horrific way*. Suffice to say I relate a fair bit to my 7 wing, especially in the pleasure-seeking, seeking-identity-through-their experiences-way. 

As a six, however, I reject the 7 description in that I have large troubles with trust, and I wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to another in a relationship, while a 7 challenge is being not staying faithful in a relationship, having become bored in one they find another to satisfy their thirst - flightiness.

Ah, I see my post became somewhat of a tangent  hope it's helpful


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

minkaybell said:


> my 7w6 friend at the time continued to pursue it - though her family was more supporting of her unconventional lifestyle, but I doubt it would've held her back had they been stricter and less accepting as my family were. Another strong point I feel I must bring up is that when I did suppress the adventure my soul craved, I felt like I *lost purpose in my life, failed myself in some horrific way*. Suffice to say I relate a fair bit to my 7 wing, especially in the pleasure-seeking, seeking-identity-through-their experiences-way.


I read this and i couldn't help but think how lucky she was. Especially since her being female. That is one reason if I truly am Se dominant so that when I got so restricted, I went into a horrible depression because it was impressed upon me there was something wrong with me and that if I was left to my devices I'd end up out of control, which was ridiculous of course, my risk-taking has been quite minimal in comparison to many and always has been probably due to my 6 wing and sp in my sx-sp stacking. Anyhoo, suppression isn't a good thing for us I don't think since I felt/feel the same way, as if I was horribly deprived and completely dysfunctional because of it. I read elsewhere 7w6 and 6w7 are often hard to tell one from the other, it seems like from what I read from you that is quite true.



minkaybell said:


> As a six, however, I reject the 7 description in that I have large troubles with trust, and I wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to another in a relationship, while a 7 challenge is being not staying faithful in a relationship, having become bored in one they find another to satisfy their thirst - flightiness.
> 
> Ah, I see my post became somewhat of a tangent  hope it's helpful


I felt the same way but being 7 and having been depressed most of my life as mentioned in the above paragraph made me doubt my 7ness and made me feel more 4like and my therapists, who had not seen anything remotely resembling me healthy just yet, said I was like a 4 and nothing like a 7, but they don't know anything about Enneagram, just the short descriptions I gave from my non-Enneagram focused book. Now I know about tritypes and the 749 combo seems very accurate and explains my own conflict between being 7 and 4. Plus this book didn't mention wings at all either. Actually I also thought 6 was possible too so that kind of helps my relating to it I guess. I have large troubles with trust too, but that was over time through bad experiences. In relationships it's hard to say though, I wouldn't be unfaithful either, it's happened to me before and I'm illegitimate, myself. If it's a serious relationship I can stick around having decided this person was worth spending time with on a more constant basis and it's easier that way. If I don't get what I need and quickly into one, I do tend to just want it to end and go on to the next one and usually did. I would never cheat on someone unless it was in a vengeful way for having it done to me first and only then. I have the guts and maturity to break up with someone first when I grow unhappy and I hate the fact others aren't willing to do the right thing and do the cowardly immature thing instead, it's so common it's sickening.


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## minkaybell (Aug 15, 2010)

SuPERNaUT said:


> I read this and i couldn't help but think how lucky she was. Especially since her being female. That is one reason if I truly am Se dominant so that when I got so restricted, I went into a horrible depression because it was impressed upon me there was something wrong with me and that if I was left to my devices I'd end up out of control, which was ridiculous of course, my risk-taking has been quite minimal in comparison to many and always has been probably due to my 6 wing and sp in my sx-sp stacking. Anyhoo, suppression isn't a good thing for us I don't think since I felt/feel the same way, as if I was horribly deprived and completely dysfunctional because of it. I read elsewhere 7w6 and 6w7 are often hard to tell one from the other, it seems like from what I read from you that is quite true.


Very true, extremely true. We honestly had the best connection I've ever had with a human being - her being more outgoing than I, catalysted as well by her being an ESFP, I could say things and she would immediately go "OMG I KNOW!" and continue to say something I related to equally as well. As well, her humour was my humour. We could make eachother laugh for hours. 

This I believe because ESFP - the INFP "counterpart" type (according to www.typelogic.com) so they are to an extent, interchangeable? as well being so similar in Enneagram. I believe the sense of adventure was inbred in me as I have an unusually high lusting for it, in my opinion, though this may be normal. Besides her I have never found anyone quite as lusting for it as I :laughing:

I understand you completely, as I've gone through the exact same thing. Adventure is like oxygen - although instead of keeping you alive, it makes you _feel_ alive. It gives you a sense of that is in the world, and it makes you feel competent in dealing with it. _It makes you feel you know who you are_, since it plays such a monumental part in our development as an individual. Don't even get me started on the depression that comes when it's suppressed (and it is somewhat for this reason that, I as well, thought I was a 4 at one point). Maybe its only me, but it's like nobody understands what you could possibly be depressed about; everything in your life is composed of mundane routine, the familial sameness that so many crave, that to crave something more seems almost a selfish prospect. I've been so, in my own take, _sane_, sobered of all enthusiasm for life, that I've stopped lusting entirely. I've recently gotten out of the trap, but I had gotten caught in the trap of endless sameness, though with the lethargic apathy of someone who's severely depressed, lol. Now I fill my life up with little things that make it brighter, more amusing. I believe it is a very six trait that I was too un-partaking in my own life, leaving it to other people to help me when it came to excitement. Now I'm joining clubs and shit at school, and establishing my independance in a healthy way . As for the lusting for adventure, it'll come back in short spurts, reviving my deadened spirit and leaving me in a glorious wonder.





SuPERNaUT said:


> I felt the same way but being 7 and having been depressed most of my life as mentioned in the above paragraph made me doubt my 7ness and made me feel more 4like and my therapists, who had not seen anything remotely resembling me healthy just yet, said I was like a 4 and nothing like a 7, but they don't know anything about Enneagram, just the short descriptions I gave from my non-Enneagram focused book. Now I know about tritypes and the 749 combo seems very accurate and explains my own conflict between being 7 and 4. Plus this book didn't mention wings at all either. Actually I also thought 6 was possible too so that kind of helps my relating to it I guess. I have large troubles with trust too, but that was over time through bad experiences. In relationships it's hard to say though, I wouldn't be unfaithful either, it's happened to me before and I'm illegitimate, myself. If it's a serious relationship I can stick around having decided this person was worth spending time with on a more constant basis and it's easier that way. If I don't get what I need and quickly into one, I do tend to just want it to end and go on to the next one and usually did. I would never cheat on someone unless it was in a vengeful way for having it done to me first and only then. I have the guts and maturity to break up with someone first when I grow unhappy and I hate the fact others aren't willing to do the right thing and do the cowardly immature thing instead, it's so common it's sickening.


Regarding you having 4 in your tri-type, did you self type or did you get others opinions? I'm just wondering, because I thought for sure I had 4 in my tri-type, because of my strong connections to it, but I believe it may only be a wing to a unprecedently prominent 3 that I'm seeing...with the help of screamofconscious. 
However, many of my seemingly "4" characteristics may have been disillusioned yearning, so yours may very well be valid. 

Your disinterest if you don't get your desired amount of closeness/attention in a relationship is as you already know I believe because of your SX variant being first. I do agree with you that it is immature for a person to not tell another person how they feel and instead cheat or something equally as disgraceful instead, and would rather break up with a person then put them through that.


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## soya (Jun 29, 2010)

Sometimes I identify more with my wing than with my base type. I can be very detached and very overly analytical, sometimes almost fanatical about "getting to the root" of something, and even sometimes to the point of canceling social engagements to be alone and think. I can become fairly anxious or paranoid as a result of thinking of several possible outcomes to situations, and their subsequent potential reactions.

My 5 wing isn't all about negativity (that must be the 4 seeping in there). I also relate strongly to the 5 description when it comes to priding myself on aptitude and knowledge. I like to share information and I like the feeling of knowing (several) answers to questions. It sounds odd, maybe, but it really makes me giddy inside like a kid when I figure out a creative answer to a problem. 

When I was growing up, I used to enjoy correcting my teachers' mistakes. I was fairly oblivious at first about how that could be considered rude behavior, as to me "correctness" was the goal. 

I have such a strong connection my wing that I used to think I was a type 5, but I am too existentially oriented and subjective in my focus to not be primarily a four. I'm still a sappy romantic under the 5 crustiness...


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

minkaybell said:


> Very true, extremely true. We honestly had the best connection I've ever had with a human being - her being more outgoing than I, catalysted as well by her being an ESFP, I could say things and she would immediately go "OMG I KNOW!" and continue to say something I related to equally as well. As well, her humour was my humour. We could make eachother laugh for hours.
> 
> This I believe because ESFP - the INFP "counterpart" type (according to TypeLogic Home Page) so they are to an extent, interchangeable? as well being so similar in Enneagram. I believe the sense of adventure was inbred in me as I have an unusually high lusting for it, in my opinion, though this may be normal. Besides her I have never found anyone quite as lusting for it as I :laughing:


I'm glad to hear at least some intraverts appreciate our good intentions :happy: I think there is likely a probably bond that xxFPs share since my own earlier type confusion has show me how much FP types have in common so that what you said is actually ringing true for me. I believe if we lose that part of ourselves that is adventurous we might as well be dead. But that is just my humble opinion lol.



minkaybell said:


> I understand you completely, as I've gone through the exact same thing. Adventure is like oxygen - although instead of keeping you alive, it makes you _feel_ alive. It gives you a sense of that is in the world, and it makes you feel competent in dealing with it. _It makes you feel you know who you are_, since it plays such a monumental part in our development as an individual.


Precisely :happy:



minkaybell said:


> Don't even get me started on the depression that comes when it's suppressed (and it is somewhat for this reason that, I as well, thought I was a 4 at one point). Maybe its only me, but it's like nobody understands what you could possibly be depressed about; everything in your life is composed of mundane routine, the familial sameness that so many crave, that to crave something more seems almost a selfish prospect.


Have you done your MBTI during stressful periods or when feeling ok? Mine was certainly confused because of my long term depression/stress and I'm just figuring out a whole lot about myself that has been suppressed for so long I forgot all about who I was, what I wanted, etc.



minkaybell said:


> I've been so, in my own take, _sane_, sobered of all enthusiasm for life, that I've stopped lusting entirely. I've recently gotten out of the trap, but I had gotten caught in the trap of endless sameness, though with the lethargic apathy of someone who's severely depressed, lol. Now I fill my life up with little things that make it brighter, more amusing. I believe it is a very six trait that I was too un-partaking in my own life, leaving it to other people to help me when it came to excitement. Now I'm joining clubs and shit at school, and establishing my independance in a healthy way . As for the lusting for adventure, it'll come back in short spurts, reviving my deadened spirit and leaving me in a glorious wonder.


You're lucky you figured this out at such an early age! I have only realized this recently but now that I have an opportunity I've decided I'm taking it and going with it. We need those things otherwise what's the point of living right? I think I only went away from that because I was thoroughly depressed and just went on as an automaton for most of my life and let others lead me because I was completely vulnerable and felt like since what I wanted was unacceptable (if you ask others) that I should just go with what I was told. Big mistake! You should really keep up what you are doing since it sounds like the healthy middle path between excess and boredom and that is the least likely to get you in trouble.



minkaybell said:


> Regarding you having 4 in your tri-type, did you self type or did you get others opinions? I'm just wondering, because I thought for sure I had 4 in my tri-type, because of my strong connections to it, but I believe it may only be a wing to a unprecedently prominent 3 that I'm seeing...with the help of screamofconscious.
> However, many of my seemingly "4" characteristics may have been disillusioned yearning, so yours may very well be valid.


Yeah I did self test with the book all 144 questions. I did a last version like you're supposed to and I did a "now" version which wasn't that long ago and I'm sure the answers wouldn't be entirely different feeling as I do right now. At first I thought 4 then read 7 and it pulled at me and I realized that what I wanted was so different from what I've been doing and thinking all this time. I thought it was weird to be confused between a 7 and a 4 but since I discovered tritypes and the 7 sx-sp stackings descriptions which specifically mention a "7 who seems very 4ish" so I felt a lot better then of course and more certain I had not been mistaken. I am also wondering if a sign of being a core type (7 or 4 in my case) would be the developing of opposite wings (8w and 5w for me since I am 6w and 3w). I've never really investigated deeply beyond what I did since I found MBTI I've been kind of obsessing about finding my type and now that I'm 99.9% (as sure as I can ever get of anything lol) I can delve deeper into other things. I'm pretty sure mine are valid though since there was a feeling there of relating to it.



minkaybell said:


> Your disinterest if you don't get your desired amount of closeness/attention in a relationship is as you already know I believe because of your SX variant being first. I do agree with you that it is immature for a person to not tell another person how they feel and instead cheat or something equally as disgraceful instead, and would rather break up with a person then put them through that.


It's like you're reading my mind. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I just went through something recently that I've just noticed gives me physical discomfort in my right forearm every time I'm reminded of it. I wonder do you iNtuitive Feelers get the same psychological to physical reactions I do or if I'm just an even freaky Sensor Feeler lol. I've heard of psychosomatic symptoms but this is ridiculously obvious compared to most manifestations which seem to be completely unconscious. I'm feeling very 4ish at the moment to say the least. I saw my counter phobic 6 or even possibly an 8ishness in my own behaviour and I'm still plagued by the feelings it's sickening. I don't even think what I said is remotely related now that I think of it lol. When I meant something more in this case I was more thinking of needing more when it comes to relationships with other people and there having to be a mutual thing going on and when I feel like it isn't there I don't see a point in continuing it because we're not getting anything from it and then feeling selfish for needing that. I agree though that the need for something different seems like something only a few people who what I perceive as being perceived as dysfunctional since we can't be happy in their boring world and are accused of immaturity if we want more out of life.


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## minkaybell (Aug 15, 2010)

SuPERNaUT said:


> I'm glad to hear at least some intraverts appreciate our good intentions :happy: I think there is likely a probably bond that xxFPs share since my own earlier type confusion has show me how much FP types have in common so that what you said is actually ringing true for me. I believe if we lose that part of ourselves that is adventurous we might as well be dead. But that is just my humble opinion lol.


yea, unfortunately not so true for fp's and fj's


SuPERNaUT said:


> Precisely :happy:


roud:




SuPERNaUT said:


> Have you done your MBTI during stressful periods or when feeling ok? Mine was certainly confused because of my long term depression/stress and I'm just figuring out a whole lot about myself that has been suppressed for so long I forgot all about who I was, what I wanted, etc.


I've found my MBTI type to be the same regardless of my mental health level. I definitely used to be more extroverted, but I believe thats due to nurture vs. nature in this case. It's interesting you had trouble assessing yours, though




SuPERNaUT said:


> You're lucky you figured this out at such an early age! I have only realized this recently but now that I have an opportunity I've decided I'm taking it and going with it. We need those things otherwise what's the point of living right? I think I only went away from that because I was thoroughly depressed and just went on as an automaton for most of my life and let others lead me because I was completely vulnerable and felt like since what I wanted was unacceptable (if you ask others) that I should just go with what I was told. Big mistake! You should really keep up what you are doing since it sounds like the healthy middle path between excess and boredom and that is the least likely to get you in trouble.


Thankyou  yeah, I find I find out thing early...at least regarding my inner turmoil's I do. Its the INFP mission . I hope your out of your 'automan' depressive stage...Its hard, I know, I've been through it and its tempting not to let yourself go back to it when it's so easy in some ways....but it really drops the quality of your life by x1000 >..>...yea it is, /: i wish I could do more though, but I'm just waiting for university hopefully it will bring some diversity into my life. 
Hopefully you got your vibrant sevenish qualities back and are no longer taking orders from anyone! Thats the worst thing you can do! I love to see you guys so happy in your own adventures and doing what your dreams tell you to do, without taking b.s from anyone. 




SuPERNaUT said:


> Yeah I did self test with the book all 144 questions. I did a last version like you're supposed to and I did a "now" version which wasn't that long ago and I'm sure the answers wouldn't be entirely different feeling as I do right now. At first I thought 4 then read 7 and it pulled at me and I realized that what I wanted was so different from what I've been doing and thinking all this time. I thought it was weird to be confused between a 7 and a 4 but since I discovered tritypes and the 7 sx-sp stackings descriptions which specifically mention a "7 who seems very 4ish" so I felt a lot better then of course and more certain I had not been mistaken. I am also wondering if a sign of being a core type (7 or 4 in my case) would be the developing of opposite wings (8w and 5w for me since I am 6w and 3w). I've never really investigated deeply beyond what I did since I found MBTI I've been kind of obsessing about finding my type and now that I'm 99.9% (as sure as I can ever get of anything lol) I can delve deeper into other things. I'm pretty sure mine are valid though since there was a feeling there of relating to it.


That's good  Yeah, the feeling is all that matters. With thinking I was a 4 the *desire* was there, but not the feeling. It was a very minor hell to go through, because I was basically trying to be someone your not..  You seem very ESFP-ish to me. I read some posts on your profile, not to be a wierdo or anything, but I get an ESFP vibe off you ^^ And yes, fours and sevens are typically mistaken, I guess because 7's can be so emotionally invested in pleasure-seeking...but the main difference is while sevens search for stimulation outside themselves, fours create extravagant alter universe's in their mind. That's a very interesting concept! I'm sure that depression can make me _appear_ to be more withdrawn like the 6w5, but like you said, the presence of a mental illness sucks the life outta you and like you seemed to be a 4 when in actuality you are 7, I don't think I my wings ever actually shifted, just the appearance of. But I also had different core motivations underneath the depression.



SuPERNaUT said:


> It's like you're reading my mind. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I just went through something recently that I've just noticed gives me physical discomfort in my right forearm every time I'm reminded of it. I wonder do you iNtuitive Feelers get the same psychological to physical reactions I do or if I'm just an even freaky Sensor Feeler lol. I've heard of psychosomatic symptoms but this is ridiculously obvious compared to most manifestations which seem to be completely unconscious. I'm feeling very 4ish at the moment to say the least. I saw my counter phobic 6 or even possibly an 8ishness in my own behaviour and I'm still plagued by the feelings it's sickening. I don't even think what I said is remotely related now that I think of it lol. When I meant something more in this case I was more thinking of needing more when it comes to relationships with other people and there having to be a mutual thing going on and when I feel like it isn't there I don't see a point in continuing it because we're not getting anything from it and then feeling selfish for needing that. I agree though that the need for something different seems like something only a few people who what I perceive as being perceived as dysfunctional since we can't be happy in their boring world and are accused of immaturity if we want more out of life.


Ah, well us intuitive feelers also suffer psychological things, and we are not against experiencing physical reactions to things xD......i'm reading Eating Animals by Foer right now, and many times I get a shiver through my spine. And I can relate to physical experiences when remembering psychological stress...kinda like the needle in the arm thing, whenever you feel that sensation its like your going through the same thing over again... maybe it's just your subconscious' way of dealing with it.

Perhaps many sx people feel that way. I dont know, I'm oft complained about for being too distant in my relationships and I think this is partly due to being a six, but in more because I'm kinda avoidant, I feel suffocated in intimate relationships most of the time  as well, i don't generally feel the need to convey most emotions I feel/experiences to my partner, and this can infuriate them. My last bf especially xD I got rid of him quickly...he was definitely sx first, it was like being drowned, and being sx-last didnt help. but I see the correlation between you wanting stimulation through close, intimate relationships and me in experiencing things. Though you probably relate to all the facets of human experience  and YES, exactly! I am not immature ... I just want to enjoy all the things this world has to offer.


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## Danielle (Jan 24, 2011)

phthalocyanine said:


> Sometimes I identify more with my wing than with my base type. I can be very detached and very overly analytical, sometimes almost fanatical about "getting to the root" of something, and even sometimes to the point of canceling social engagements to be alone and think. I can become fairly anxious or paranoid as a result of thinking of several possible outcomes to situations, and their subsequent potential reactions.
> 
> My 5 wing isn't all about negativity (that must be the 4 seeping in there). I also relate strongly to the 5 description when it comes to priding myself on aptitude and knowledge. I like to share information and I like the feeling of knowing (several) answers to questions. It sounds odd, maybe, but it really makes me giddy inside like a kid when I figure out a creative answer to a problem.
> 
> ...


I feel the exact same way. Like you, I used to wonder if I might really be a 5 because in my demeanor and chosen activities I resemble a 5. 

On the other hand, I don't really identify much with 3 wing at all. I never really think of myself as ambitious and that's certainly not reflected in my life. I barely move at all in the grand scheme of things. But I really like to be on top. I like when people remember me for some wise thing I said. I like receiving academic awards. I like receiving compliments on my chosen artistic pursuit (music). So there is some 3 wing in that, but I identify more with 5 and with my area of integration, 1.


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