# Can INFJ's be impulsive and come off as careless?



## chynna.elizabeth90 (Nov 7, 2012)

I started an eharmony account. There is a personality 'book' that they compile after they have you answer a bunch of questions which then they rate your personality in four categories. The category conscientiousness for me was rated 'very flexible' which then it described me as impulsive, careless,instinctive, inefficient, erratic. I have been told by a religious community that I was 'rash' when I was honest with them about my emotions (which is what they asked me to do-to not wear any masks). After I left myself 'hangout' they wanted me to shut up again and become mysterious like how I was when I first started coming. I have been told by many professors that I am dependable, driven, hard working, and one of the best students that they have had. I know that I am an INFJ because the descriptions fit me too well. Im inquisitive, very insightful, I just know things about the world that I have no idea how or where I learned it from, and I have a hard time being connected to the here and now. Im always off thinking about the future and how I can improve myself and know more. 
Do other INFJ's have this problem, where they come off as uncaring in some situations (for me it is when I don't find the activity or gathering worth my time) and other situations are considered the most reliable person around (i.e in my college classes and with my best of friends)?


----------



## Grace_ (May 29, 2014)

INFJs are full of contradictions! It can really depend on the situation. I definitely come off as uncaring sometimes. It someone has hurt me before, I do not care for helping them, and are in fact very harsh on them. Even if they might have, for example, a family issue going on, if I do not think they are a nice person or if they have done something hurtful to me, I am incredibly uncaring and do not compensate their behaviour. I say that I sympathise with them in social circles, but in my inner self - I really don't care that much for their situation (I do feel bad saying that, but it's how I really feel). I will give you all the love and care in the world, but if you cross me even a little bit I will not be particularly understanding (although if someone gives a full-on apology I usually can't help but forgive them).

It seems that you became honest with your emotions with the religious community when you were told that it was appropriate to do so. You were just acting in a certain way for a particular situation. I'm sure in many other situations you would be very closeted (like how you were when you first started coming to the group).

I think usually the situations in which I can appear uncaring are those where I could get hurt... or rarely, if I don't think it's worth my time.

Regarding the 'flexibility' in your personality 'book', I think that INFJs are in one part, very flexible, and in the other, extremely inflexible. Just like how we can be ridiculously loving and forgiving and ridiculously hateful and unforgiving depending on the context. I'm sure you're also very rigid in some of your personality traits. Those personality generators aren't always accurate - especially with someone so contradictory as an INFJ!


----------

