# SJs and Personal Restraint in Public



## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

I might be directing this more towards INTJs, since they're the ones who got me to ask, but I've seen this kind of thought come out of the entire SJ camp in general:

Are you averted to personal expression in public?

It seems like a lot of you feel the need not only to deny yourselves expression (be in emotional, personal, physical, intimate, etc), but you think it's important for others to show self-restraint as well.

Why?

Just wanted to know :tongue:


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

This seems it would be a trait attributable to ISxJs and xSTJs in general, rather than the entire SJ temperament as it is. My personal experience is flawed, seeing as I attract more xxFP types than anything, but the SJs I know aren't so reserved about public expression. The ISxJs I know may be shy and adverse to doing it themselves, but they're certainly fine with personal expression in public, so long as it does not disrupt anything. Overall, the younger SJs I've observed, mostly female, have a greater tendency to express personal feelings, but as the SJs get older, they seem more reserved and considerate towards the flow of the environment.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

3 out of 4 is good enough for me :wink:

And if that other 25% wants to comment, then I'm all for hearing what they have to say about the issue, and what they think of what the other SJs think.


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## Cookie Monster (Nov 6, 2009)

I have a hard time with personal expression in public. I am pretty emotional for an INTJ, but I cannot stand to have people see me cry...or...get all super-duper excited. I get concerned sometimes that people think I am a wuss or a ditz. 

As for other people, sometimes I get uncomfortable when people get emotional. I do not deal well with drama at all. Sometimes, when someone is really upset, I don't know how to react...I am always afraid I will say or do the wrong thing.


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## saslou (Sep 14, 2009)

Tkae said:


> I might be directing this more towards INTJs, since they're the ones who got me to ask, but I've seen this kind of thought come out of the entire SJ camp in general:
> 
> Are you averted to personal expression in public?
> 
> ...


WHATTTTTTTT????

You have to be kidding .. is this really true of SJ's?? I am going to the dark side then 

I love public displays of affection .. I will grab your butt in public or kiss you passionately and i don't give a crap what anyone thinks .. 

I am very exaggerated in public and also very confident .. I was in a pub recently on all fours explaining to a friend a particular position i was in when doubled over in pain once. I didn't even give it another thought about the other people in the pub.

The only self restraint i have issues with is .. farting or spitting in public. I don't want to get blamed for your stinky ass smell although i will find it bloody hilarious later. Lol. 

Other than that .. I like expressing myself and wish more people would do it also


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

I can't edit the OP 

Ok, I just realized that I messed up.

I meant, I might be directing this more towards _ISTJ_s, not INTJs.

ahah... whoops.

continue on


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## thegirlcandance (Jul 29, 2009)

saslou said:


> WHATTTTTTTT????
> 
> You have to be kidding .. is this really true of SJ's?? I am going to the dark side then
> 
> ...


Ha - yeah I was thinking this when I first read the initial question of this thread because there are SEVERAL ESFJ's I know that are very expressive of their emotions in public!! I could see this more in STJ's


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## Drake (Oct 31, 2009)

Man I am a bit disappointed, I saw the tittle of the thread and thought this was going to be about public bondage, but nope its about emotions and showing them. BAH


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## Stoic (Aug 7, 2009)

> In the effort to stay true to their principles, Ones resist being affected by their instinctual drives, consciously not giving in to them or expressing them too freely. The result is a personality type that has problems with repression, resistance, and aggression. They are usually seen by others as highly self- controlled, even rigid, although this is not how Ones experience themselves. It seems to them that they are sitting on a cauldron of passions and desires, and they had better “keep the lid on” lest they and everyone else around them regret it.
> Cassandra is a therapist in private practice who recalls the difficulty this caused her in her youth.
> “I remember in high school getting feedback that I had no feelings. Inside, I felt my feelings intensely and yet I just couldn’t let them out as intensely as I felt them. Even now, if I have a conflict with a friend and need to address an issue, I rehearse ahead of time how to express clearly what I want, need, and observe, and yet, not be harsh or blaming in my anger which is often scathing.” ​ Ones believe that being strict with themselves (and eventually becoming “perfect”) will justify them in their own eyes and in the eyes of others. But by attempting to create their own brand of perfection, they often create their own personal hell. Instead of agreeing with the statement in Genesis that God saw what He had created, “and it was good,” Ones intensely feel that “It wasn’t—there obviously have been some mistakes here!” This orientation makes it difficult for them to trust their inner guidance—indeed, to trust life—so Ones come to rely heavily on their superego, a learned voice from their childhood, to guide them toward “the greater good” which they so passionately seek. When Ones have gotten completely entranced in their personality, there is little distinction between them and this severe, unforgiving voice. Separating from it and seeing its genuine strengths and limitations is what growth for Ones is about.


That is from 1 - Enneagram Type One: The Reformer 

It describes me about 99.9% on the subject I think  But my cousin is an ESTJ and she has no problem expressing herself in public, and certainly shows no restraint :crazy:


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## Coveny (Dec 28, 2009)

Tkae said:


> Are you averted to personal expression in public?


For me it's about what your "suppose" to do. The army had an ancryomn call PDA. The rule was no PDA. (Public Displays of Affection) To this day when I see a couple in public all over each other, I see it as them "airing" their private business. 

Don't get me wrong I think you should show your partner affection and love. I just don't think I should have to watch two gay guys go at it in the supermarket. (I'm a bit of a homophobia for the record) So because I don't want wanna see it, I try not to do it where anyone else might see it. I would not like it at ALL if my child saw a couple gropping each other in public. I believe the phrase is "Get a room".


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## Misspicy (Feb 13, 2010)

Not true for me. I do like to keep myself reserved but some days I just don't care about expressing my feelings in public. I also encourage others to do the same; to not care about reserving their emotions all the time. Other times I won't if I feel like it's too embarrassing for the person I'm with.

I have a pretty good sense of when and when not to express certain feelings.


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## kept81213 (Dec 7, 2009)

I prefer it if people show restraint in public. i dont really like drama and having someone ranting about there problems or being really emotional in a work environment especially is just not very acceptable to me. Sure everyone has there bad days, and everyone should be allowed to express their opinions, ideas etc. But I just think that there is a time and place for these things. I am an extroverted thinker, but in public places such as school, work etc. I hold my tongue. Occasionally it slips but then I get really mad at myself. When you're in public places, especially those such as work, it is important to remain calm and know that there is a time and place for things. At work this summer I had another girl just start ranting out loud about what a bad day she was having and using all sorts of curse words and yelling at people. I'm sorry, but having a private conversation is one thing, but work is work, there are just certain things that are not acceptable there.

In terms of PDA. I'm not too stingy about this. However, again at work, this should be pretty moderate. I knew people who were dating at work and constantly gazing into each others eyes and spending time with each other and kissing etc. Thats not ok. Do that when you leave work, not there. Also making out in public is not really acceptable to me either. I think i taught a couple a lesson about this once when i accidentally walked right into them kissing because i was having a distracting day. But seriously, dont stand in the middle of a busy street kissing, you know?


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