# Is sex supposed to feel good?



## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

I am 21 years old and had sex for the first time 2 weeks ago with my fiance. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the intimacy, but I did not feel any crazy pleasure. He really took his time and spent tons of time trying to pleasure me in other ways before penetrating, but when he did penetrate I felt no pleasure. It was interesting, and only hurt the first two times, after that it was just..interesting, and nice to be so close. 
Don't get me wrong I like doing it but I want to know what everyone goes on about

I am so sad that I am missing out on a huge part of life.

Can anyone enlighten me on this? please I really need help! I keep bugging my fiance for sex because I am hoping I will enjoy it this time arround and I never do.

just to be clear: Him penetrating me is no more arrousing then him petting my arm.:sad:


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

How many times have you tried it? I know that when I lost my virginity, it took a few separate occasions for the soreness/discomfort/general weirdness of the feeling to wear off in order for me to be comfortable enough to actually enjoy it. You're probably just overwhelmed by the newness of the experience.


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

vivacissimamente said:


> How many times have you tried it? I know that when I lost my virginity, it took a few separate occasions for the soreness/discomfort/general weirdness of the feeling to wear off in order for me to be comfortable enough to actually enjoy it. You're probably just overwhelmed by the newness of the experience.


well, probably 10 times i am frustrated...and wondering if i have a problem... :crying: and i am honest with my fiance about the level of pleasure i am getting. and he thinks its his fault.

we havent done anything in a few days partly because i get zero pleasure and i dont want to play it up and pretend i am. so my COMPLETE lack of response to him (i literally just lie there or kiss him idk) kinda sucks the fun out of it for him too. but what am i supposed to do? pretend? 

and it isnt his size he is above average and I am petite to begin with. maybe i do just need more practice. but i kinda never want to have sex again.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

im pretty much in agreement with it taking a while. my first guess would have been his size, but as you said its above average. alternately hes not hitting the right spots in there, but if its a decent size, that shouldnt be too much of an issue. to be quite frank, it didnt feel good for me, until after a few years, and only after id been with my second partner. not suggesting trying someone new.. but just perhaps giving it time.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

i just thought of something else -- are you taking an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication?


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

janemerox said:


> i kinda never want to have sex again.


I can think of several reasons for this happening ... 

- There could be an emotional gap between you two where the emotional connection just isn't what you would like it to be. I had no issues with my wife early on --- but as time wore on, we grew apart emotionally to a point where her touch gave me images of pain [long story]
- As Promethea suggested, he may not be stimulating the right areas. Perhaps you should ask him to explore you further and discover your pleasure centres. I used to do that a lot with my ex wife. 
- I don't mean to embarrass you with a direct questions [so don't answer these, but just think about them], 

- Do you find masturbation pleasurable?
- Have you tried to have sex close to your time of the month? pleasure centres are usually more sensitive just before and after for some women


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

nope, im not on any medication. it seems insane that everyone talks about sex so much and its supposed to be the ultimate temptation, when it doesnt feel good most of the time and no one seems to know why. does everyone just accept this? because i wont. i wont do it anymore it sux. why doesnt anyone talk about this if it hardly evver feels good. or takes "practice" that seems crazy to me...idk just venting sorry. 

i am not concerned about climaxing, but just feeling pleasure during penetration. it just does not arrouse me one bit. 

well actually, i like it a lot when he talks to me during sex. that is one thing that gets me going. i think my mind just needs stimulation. because i have this crazy desire to be playful during sex i want to play games, but we dont. also...ha wow cant believe i am admitting this but...women like the visual of a woman is the most instantly arrousing thing for me. but i am in no way attracted to women. does anyone else have this? or am i nuts?


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

Jawz said:


> I can think of several reasons for this happening ...
> 
> - There could be an emotional gap between you two where the emotional connection just isn't what you would like it to be. I had no issues with my wife early on --- but as time wore on, we grew apart emotionally to a point where her touch gave me images of pain [long story]
> - As Promethea suggested, he may not be stimulating the right areas. Perhaps you should ask him to explore you further and discover your pleasure centres. I used to do that a lot with my ex wife.
> ...


 I guess this is the relationship/sex subforum so i am fine talking about it. hmmm the thing is he has explored me and tried tons of things with me its just that when it reaches that point and he does penetrate it does nothing for me i could honestly read a book during.

i honestly would rather please myself...just getting discouraged about it. i have asked around and not many people seem to know what to do. but i havent given up yet! i am still eager to solve this puzzle!


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

if you can please yourself then perhaps you can show him how thats done, and he can try that way?


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

oh and also, i have a pretty decent sex drive. if he is in the room and i get to thinking...well yeah i become very interested in all things sexual, and want to do things, but i think i want to play and have tons of foreplay that isnt directly sexual. like after a jog or when playing or chasing one another is when I deeply crave sexual contact but we are usually in public so... we cant. 

thanks for all of the replies guys


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

Promethea said:


> if you can please yourself then perhaps you can show him how thats done, and he can try that way?


thing is pleasing myself does not involve penetration. I wonder why that doesnt feel good.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

janemerox said:


> thing is pleasing myself does not involve penetration. I wonder why that doesnt feel good.


i have seen some other ladies on the board mention that they cant orgasm from penetration alone, and that it takes clitoral stimulation. maybe during, he could finish with that, for you. as far as 'whats the big deal about sex' - well the intimate connection is, of course. i think its also very important to be completely open with him about whats going on, so that you two can work on it together, compromise, etc. .. whatever needs to be done to keep it from growing awkward and creating distance.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

janemerox said:


> thing is pleasing myself does not involve penetration. I wonder why that doesnt feel good.


Sometimes penetration doesn't hit "the spot", you know? When you masturbate, or when your partner manually or orally stimulates you, the clitoris is getting direct stimulation. With penetration, that doesn't always happen.

Maybe try different positions, like you on top, or doggy style, or reverse cowgirl...keep experimenting. 

It took me a few years of practice to really enjoy sex.

/hides under sofa


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

I guess you're going to have to find a way to stimulate your clit (directly), while he's penetrating you.
There are some positions which are better for that than others. . . where you can grind your pelvis against his.

Sometimes I'll reach down and manually stimulate mine. . .


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

twoofthree said:


> I guess you're going to have to find a way to stimulate your clit (directly), while he's penetrating you.
> There are some positions which are better for that than others. . . where you can grind your pelvis against his.
> 
> Sometimes I'll reach down and manually stimulate mine. . .


 sooo..... penetration is NOT supposed to feel good? only clitoral stimulation is? i am not looking for an orgasm i am wanting penetration to feel good, because i thought it was supposed to feel good. 

if penetration isnt supposed to feel good WHY AM I DOING IT!? why does anyone do it for that matter if you could just do it yourself and do it way better at that?


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

janemerox said:


> sooo..... penetration is NOT supposed to feel good? only clitoral stimulation is? i am not looking for an orgasm i am wanting penetration to feel good, because i thought it was supposed to feel good.
> 
> if penetration isnt supposed to feel good WHY AM I DOING IT!? why does anyone do it for that matter if you could just do it yourself and do it way better at that?


It simply depends on the woman. In my case, penetration is what does it for me.. and clitoral stimulation isn't really my preferred method to orgasm. I think maybe some women are more sensitive in different.. places. 

Bottom line here is that it could be a variety of things, and we are all trying to troubleshoot a very complicated issue with limited knowledge into it. Basically, it could be this, or that.. 

So, I would recommend taking any of the advice that you see as relevant, and keep on trying things to narrow down the possibility of whats going on. It could just be that you aren't the type who is stimulated much, by penetration, or you could possibly be, and you may find that.

Experiment. : )


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

janemerox said:


> sooo..... penetration is NOT supposed to feel good? only clitoral stimulation is? i am not looking for an orgasm i am wanting penetration to feel good, because i thought it was supposed to feel good.
> 
> if penetration isnt supposed to feel good WHY AM I DOING IT!? why does anyone do it for that matter if you could just do it yourself and do it way better at that?


Penetration does feel good when the right spots are hit and if there is enough lubrication. I don't know if anyone has brought that up yet, if you are not lubricated enough, artificial sex lubricant is a good fix. Don't assume that every woman ever is lying about penetration feeling good just because it doesn't work for you.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Penetration feels good to me. 
Some of it could be down to indirect stimulation of the clitoris. But it feels good.

I can't explain why it does.

I would suggest you try different positions. . . and perhaps get a toy to experiment with when you masturbate.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

I think people should stop thinking "Well, it feels good for me, so eventually it will for you".

The first time I was penetrated it hurt like shit because I had a septate hymen so I avoided it, sadly. The second time I was penetrated (I'm sorry, just to specify, this was with fingers so it didn't hurt) it felt great for me. I was so surprised. I orgasmed _easily_. My first time with a strap-on was even enjoyable and I'm still weary of that concept. I avoided it my whole sex life. I had the strap-on sex after the real penetrative sex with a man which turned me off it completely even though I knew I could orgasm from it easily. As much as I hate to admit it, the experience verged on traumatizing, I can tell you I still orgasmed from it. I am mentioning all these TMI details for a reason, my reason being that despite my preferences I find penetrative sex pleasurable, whether I want to or if I'm emotionally there or not _and_ after my very first experiences of it. 

What does that mean? EVERY GIRL IS DIFFERENT. I've been saying this a million times. I'm sorry to break it to you, you've tried ten times already and you still don't enjoy it, like a lot of the girl population (and yes, I can acknowledge this despite not being one, it's not impossible) _you don't enjoy penetrative sex_. I don't see what's wrong with saying that but everyone gets upset at me and gets defensive about it. It's everywhere, _it's a fact_, many women don't. Should you be upset? There's still a chance you might enjoy it one day, I recommend masturbating and learning to orgasm from the inside. 

If that doesn't work? Well, since it's seen as the be-all and end-all of sex and if you agree with this, then yes, you should be upset. But if you look at it differently, you can use that aspect of sex to please him and as you said, enjoy the intimacy, is the big O that important then? If it's still a problem maybe you could get a vibration ring condom to try and see if that works? If you get him to or if you stimulate your clit at the same time I don't see the big problem. What matters here most is; there's nothing wrong with you at all. I wouldn't worry about it too much.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

Although I would never be able to orgasm from penetration alone, it still feels pleasurable to me.

There is a difference between something not quite being able to get you off, and simply not enjoying it altogether.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

vivacissimamente said:


> Although I would never be able to orgasm from penetration alone, it still feels pleasurable to me.
> 
> There is a difference between something not quite being able to get you off, and simply not enjoying it altogether.


Agreed. I think statistically, women are less likely to orgasm from penetration alone. I'll just link everyone to Wikipedia's special tab on female orgasm. The clitoris is an awesome organ, appreciate it, love it, take care of it.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Aßbiscuits said:


> I think people should stop thinking "Well, it feels good for me, so eventually it will for you".


No one has actually said this. So it's unfair to assume that they think it.

@janemerox may never enjoy it. But I think that after 10 times it's too soon to give up.

I also think that perhaps she shouldn't over-think it. It might just 'click' one day. . . or it might not.


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## Tyche (May 12, 2011)

Every woman is different. Trust me, we're not all running around pretending vaginal penetration is pleasurable when it's not. Some women take time to feel anything. There isn't a cure all or a single solution. You should keep experimenting and keep an open mind. Remember, if it just doesn't do it for you, THAT'S OKAY. It may not be conventional, but it isn't that weird. Some women love vaginal penetration from the very first time, others need to warm up to it and others still don't enjoy it. You could try stimulating your clit during to see if that helps. Have you explored your g-spot? Please don't give up, you deserve to find what works for you, even if it isn't vaginal penetration.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

twoofthree said:


> No one has actually said this. So it's unfair to assume that they think it.
> 
> @janemerox may never enjoy it. But I think that after 10 times it's too soon to give up.
> 
> I also think that perhaps she shouldn't over-think it. It might just 'click' one day. . . or it might not.


That's why she should masturbate to figure out what she likes before up there without having sex. I didn't explicitly say "give up" so it's not "fair" to assume I think that. And yes, it _was_ said, once by Promthea and once by viva:



> I know that when I lost my virginity, it took a few separate occasions for the soreness/discomfort/general weirdness of the feeling to wear off in order for me to be comfortable enough to actually enjoy it. You're probably just overwhelmed by the newness of the experience.





> it didnt feel good for me, until after a few years, and only after id been with my second partner. not suggesting trying someone new.. but just perhaps giving it time.


I'm not criticizing them for saying it, I just think it's jumping to conclusions and don't agree with chalking it up to that based on your own experience. 

If it doesn't click one day, which is still likely seeing as she's had sex ten times and it still doesn't feel good, then there's nothing wrong with making suggestions in case that's the situation.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

@Aßbiscuits

Rather than jumping to the conclusion that because it worked out for me, it would work out for the OP as well, I was just trying to potentially provide her some comfort via a personal anecdote showing that her situation is not all that unusual and could easily change. She is obviously distressed about it, and I was merely empathizing.

For example-- if you found out one of your friend's relatives had been diagnosed with cancer, and happened to know someone in your past who had received a similar diagnosis and proceeded to recover completely, you might share that story with your friend... and _not_ because you are assuming since that person recovered, this person will too; but rather as a source of comfort and illustration that it could _potentially_ be okay.

Not that I am comparing this dilemma to a cancer diagnosis. But hey, things could be worse at least. :wink:


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

janemerox said:


> I guess this is the relationship/sex subforum so i am fine talking about it. hmmm the thing is he has explored me and tried tons of things with me its just that when it reaches that point and he does penetrate it does nothing for me i could honestly read a book during.
> 
> i honestly would rather please myself...just getting discouraged about it. i have asked around and not many people seem to know what to do. but i havent given up yet! i am still eager to solve this puzzle!


Another thing I dunno if others brought it up or not ... perhaps it could eventually become a mental block .. if you go into sex fearing that something won't be pleasing, then it won't be. Sex is as much with the mind as it is with the body. 

Other things you might want to consider are different types of condoms, male sex-toys for your fiance and things like that. Perhaps he may be OK with length, and may not have the girth ... [i apologize for being direct once again]

Sex is about open exploration of the body linked with mental stimulation. Fearing something might not work is as good as convincing the body that it will not work.

Lastly --- in time, don't fear an open and gentle communication of your concerns. Let him know about your playful fantasies and requirements. 

Try different things like mutual masturbation, phone sex etc ... my fiance and I loved phone sex --- that was about the best sex we ever had. Also, I was able to bring her to orgasm with my fingers quite easily, and she would be relaxed for the full day or more afterwards.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Many women have trouble feeling anything special during penetration.The vagina itself has no nerves and most women find clitoral stimulation more arousing and pleasurable.I have had a number of partners over the years,both short and long term(I'm 44 and have been sexually active for 21 years).

My estranged husband did nothing for me,I rarely orgasmed and only enjoyed myself when drunk.He was dominating and controlling and jumped me every chance he got.It became a chore for me something I had to do rather than something I wanted and enjoyed.I was too embarrassed to pleasure myself.I felt that he was my husband and I should have felt something during sex.He wouldn't talk dirty to me even though I asked and would only use two positions missionary and doggie.

Have you and your fiance tried other positions,perhaps if you got on top of him (woman superior)you will be able to control the depth of penetration and it may be more enjoyable for you.My current partner is wonderful,he likes to please me several times(make me come) before he enters me,and I feel so comfortable and relaxed with him.It just gets better the more we do it and I never have to fake orgasm or pretend that i'm enjoying it when i'm not.For the first time I have been able to have both vaginal and simultaneous orgasms.Last night for example,I came while he was inside me more than once and I thought that he had come but wasn't completely certain.He said yes,that he did at the same time that I climaxed and it was just so wonderful to know that we could please each other like that.


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

Ozziechick1966 said:


> Many women have trouble feeling anything special during penetration.The vagina itself has no nerves and most women find clitoral stimulation more arousing and pleasurable.I have had a number of partners over the years,both short and long term(I'm 44 and have been sexually active for 21 years).
> 
> My estranged husband did nothing for me,I rarely orgasmed and only enjoyed myself when drunk.He was dominating and controlling and jumped me every chance he got.It became a chore for me something I had to do rather than something I wanted and enjoyed.I was too embarrassed to pleasure myself.I felt that he was my husband and I should have felt something during sex.He wouldn't talk dirty to me even though I asked and would only use two positions missionary and doggie.
> 
> Have you and your fiance tried other positions,perhaps if you got on top of him (woman superior)you will be able to control the depth of penetration and it may be more enjoyable for you.My current partner is wonderful,he likes to please me several times(make me come) before he enters me,and I feel so comfortable and relaxed with him.It just gets better the more we do it and I never have to fake orgasm or pretend that i'm enjoying it when i'm not.For the first time I have been able to have both vaginal and simultaneous orgasms.Last night for example,I came while he was inside me more than once and I thought that he had come but wasn't completely certain.He said yes,that he did at the same time that I climaxed and it was just so wonderful to know that we could please each other like that.


 
that sounds amazing, and yes we have tried MANY positions and none of them arrouse me. I just don't want to have to wait years before i even remotely enjoy sex.

@Jawz 

I am going to be more open about the playing games bit and omg yeah phone sex was the best sex we have ever had. I like for him to talk to me during or find some way to spark my imagination during sex. 

thanks for all of the replies, and sorry for being so snappy sometimes i just am beggining to feel like there is no point to intercourse for me. but your comments really help, i am encouraged :laughing:


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## RobynC (Jun 10, 2011)

Statistically, most women orgasm during masturbation or oral sex, not vaginal penetration.


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

janemerox said:


> if penetration isnt supposed to feel good WHY AM I DOING IT!? why does anyone do it for that matter if you could just do it yourself and do it way better at that?


Because doing it myself does not feel better. Clitoral WITH penetration feels way different. The sensation of orgasmic contractions around something is very intense for me.

Somehow, over the years, I have developed vaginal orgasms as well. Early on, though, I moistly (Gawd! What a typo!) supplemented penetration with clitoral stimulation, which we both found highly erotic and very satisfying.

There are LOTS of cool ways of accomplishing this, by the way, but that might well merit a thread of its own.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

@Zster,I have to agree wholeheartedly.I tried that with my boyfriend only recently and it was indeed wonderful.Masturbating whilst being penetrated vaginally is most certainly way better than just penetration and clitoral stimulation alone.@janemerox if you haven't already tried that with your fiance then I highly recommend that you do so.


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## Hosker (Jan 19, 2011)

No, it's supposed to feel terrible.


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

I suggest you read up on g-spot stimulation. There are plenty of books and info out there on the subject. But more importantly, be patient with yourself.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I believe that some women just cannot have gspot orgasms. I know that this opinion seems really unpopular, but that's just what I believe. I don't think I ever will have one, but my sex life is amazing regardless. There's so much more to sex than a man pumping away aimlessly anyways. For me foreplay is required and not just before sex actually happens. For me foreplay is something that happens the entire day, and the connection because of it makes the sex afterwords mind blowing.


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## SuperfineConcubine (Aug 8, 2011)

I'm just going to chime in and echo what everyone else has been saying: It takes a long time. Maybe not a long time, but it does take time. 

You're first couple times aren't going to be fantastic--mine down right hurt. It hurt for a couple weeks of trying. 

Just keep trying, keep working on it. If you drink, I would have glass of wine or a shot of vodka or whatever suits you best to take the edge off your nerves. 

Great sex takes time. I've had partners who it was AMAZING WITH, but it took a while to figure each other out. Take time, keep an open mind, and don't be self-conscious.


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

"Reasons to have sex before you're married"


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## aibohphobia (Aug 7, 2011)

sex wasn't really enjoyable to me until i had a long term partner i could experiment and become comfortable with. now that i really know what i like and am comfortable with my performance, i can enjoy it more because i am focused on the feeling than the specifics of sex. also, this include experimentation with yourself. if you can turn yourself on, it's that much hotter when someone else adds to the fire.

it could be a number of things, but i would say experimentation with yourself and your partner can beneficial in building comfort, communication skills, and sex drive.


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## ficsci (May 4, 2011)

> Most animals with a nerveous system and a reproductive system that involved the young developing within one of the parents for some amount of time (even if they just form in eggs and the eggs are then laid) experiance physical pleasure while engaging in sex.
> 
> There are five species that will actually engage in sexual intercourse for the pleasure as often or more often than for the purpose of procreation. They are: Humans, Dolphins, Elephants, Swans and various breeds of Monkies. Of those five, Humans, Dolphins and Swans will engage in the act of rape with the female being just as likely to be the aggressor as the male.
> 
> ~~ Abaddon


What other animal/s gets pleasure in having sex? - Yahoo! Answers


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## BrainPicker_omnomnom (Aug 24, 2011)

janemerox said:


> I am 21 years old and had sex for the first time 2 weeks ago with my fiance. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the intimacy, but I did not feel any crazy pleasure. He really took his time and spent tons of time trying to pleasure me in other ways before penetrating, but when he did penetrate I felt no pleasure. It was interesting, and only hurt the first two times, after that it was just..interesting, and nice to be so close.
> Don't get me wrong I like doing it but I want to know what everyone goes on about
> 
> I am so sad that I am missing out on a huge part of life.
> ...


Yeah, that's pretty much how my first time went. I expected it to be this amazing thing and for it to feel a certain way. Boy was I wrong. The main problem was we were both inexperienced (virgins). We were together for 3.5 years, and I never enjoyed sex with him. I saw it as a chore.

Eventually I broke up with this guy and realized I wasn't even sexually attracted to him to begin with and discovered sex could actually feel good. My ex just didn't know what he was doing. I guess I didn't either. 

I have many suggestions that have worked for me. Some might disagree with them, but here goes:

1) Try taking a shot or two of the liquor of your choice. This loosens me up, and definitely gets me more into it, without just lying there like a fish. Also, I hope you're doing a little work yourself. You can even get yourself more turned on by that 

2) Repeat a phrase in your head like "This is the hottest fucking guy yadayadayada" (whatever phrase you can think of that suits you). This is actually what I use to get through blow-jobs haha, but I don't know if you're into that, though I'm sure it works here.

3) Have you heard of Kegel exercises? Well, I think the hornier you are, the looser you are, which might make his dick feel smaller. You can use kegel exercises during sex to make yourself tighter (and he'll get harder) and trust me, it's awesome.

4) Moan, make noise (if you're not used to this, refer back to #1). Guys fucking dig that shit. It turns them on to know you're turned on, and they will respond in a pleasurable way that I don't know how to describe 

5) Don't forget foreplay. And if he isn't doing something you like, you can either tell him (though I prefer to just move his hand where I want it, unless he doesn't get the hint, then I pretty much have to tell him). Once it gets to the point where you feel like yelling, "stick it in already!" then that's a good time to start. You don't even have to talk, just pull it (gently) towards you. 

6) KY jelly. Some need it, some don't. Chances are, you aren't going to produce enough of your own lube if you aren't already turned on. Nobody likes a dry vag. Ouch.

7) Finally, third times a charm. It's nice to have sex once (though most guys seem to last 5 minutes). The second time is better and longer. The third time is magic. This can all be spread out over 12 hours if you want. I find that the third time in one day is how to get it done. 

Anyway, are you against porn? There are plenty of tips to pick up from it for either of you. Also, stop thinking you have a problem! It is natural for it to not be what you expected. It took me years to get it right and I am sooo glad that I put in the effort.  You'll be married soon. You two have plenty of time.


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## DarklyValentine (Mar 4, 2010)

If its with me then YES

If its with anyone else No...just tell em nice attempt etc,


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