# Girls come in here



## Taro (Dec 2, 2009)

I know how you feel about wanting to say it, but things don't seem to work out and it's hard to work up the nerve. I can't say for certain my method will work best for you, but for me I'm a bit impatient about these things. For example once I like someone, it can be scary and nerve-wracking to tell them such, I could get a negative reply, things could go terribly I could be embarrassed in front of a group of people, etc etc. The situation could escalate into something terrible in the most extreme circumstance. But the fact is I like them. That is the current state, and I'm not one to sit and wait for something to happen or just let it pass.

So when I liked someone, similar to your case, I considered all the different ways to tell him (and we frequently chatted online because we couldn't meet up as often in person). But in the end I thought the direct approach was best. To be sincere, to let him know how I feel and have nothing be ambiguous or left to chance.

So I set out to tell him, I told myself I'd do it on a particular outing of ours, and I got nervous but I wouldn't let myself back out, so finally I did, and I felt so much better for it. I think being upfront and honest, face to face is best. But that's my personal opinion.

He didn't answer right away, so I gave him space and we broached the subject at another time. The waiting was difficult too, but I did feel a sense of relief after doing it, like it was a turning point. Because if he said no, then I would begin to accept that and would be able to let go and move on, and if he said yes well... then that would be good.

So anyways, I hope you find the method that works best for you. If you really want to do it face to face don't let other things get in the way. Use any time you have with her. Be true to yourself.

Hope it helps.


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

I told her...

=)

Totally worth it that it was in person


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## Taro (Dec 2, 2009)

Congrats Jorge! <3 I'm glad you feel it was the best thing to do. Wish you all the best


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Jorge said:


> Short and to the point:
> 
> What would you think of a guy (or a girl, w/e) who tells you he likes you in writing, but stays there while you read the letter?


TERRIBLE!! Very embarrassed and pressured. I would resent him for putting me in that position.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Jorge said:


> I told her...
> 
> =)
> 
> Totally worth it that it was in person



 elaborate! I'm so excited for you!


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

Heh now it all went down the crapper actually ^_^

I finally told her in person after I walked her home. We went off in a bunch of tangents (which makes me suspect she's actually an ENFP heh, the amount of them was ridiculous). At the end, she didn't reject me, but she said "I can't give you an answer tonight".

We ended up kissing that night =)

And then today, she sends me a text saying "What happened last night cannot be repeated. I hope you understand"

^_^


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Jorge said:


> Heh now it all went down the crapper actually ^_^
> 
> I finally told her in person after I walked her home. We went off in a bunch of tangents (which makes me suspect she's actually an ENFP heh, the amount of them was ridiculous). At the end, she didn't reject me, but she said "I can't give you an answer tonight".
> 
> ...



I do NOT think that is down the crapper. If anything she is emotionally compromised because of something...we don't know what. But the mere fact she is emotinally compromiised means she cares. Trust me NFs don't tell you something like that and mean it. Keep it up. She's attracted to you. But she prolly has some logical thing telling her she shouldn't. 

At least that's how I read it. Tell us more!


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

thehigher said:


> I do NOT think that is down the crapper. If anything she is emotionally compromised because of something...we don't know what. But the mere fact she is emotinally compromiised means she cares. Trust me NFs don't tell you something like that and mean it. Keep it up. She's attracted to you. But she prolly has some logical thing telling her she shouldn't.
> 
> At least that's how I read it. Tell us more!


There are a lot of things going on in her mind, and I know what is going on.

One of them, and probably the most important one, is a past relationship. She went abroad during the summer, and had a romantic relationship with someone over there. While brief (I would say three weeks at most), she really fell hard for this guy. She came back to the states, and they stopped talking to each other altogether because they were weird or something. Up till today, she still remembers the relationship and fantasizes it. Yeah, I know summer flings are like that. I know that probably if they would've been one or two more weeks, they might've broken up or something... I know this. It's her who has to come back to her real life. 

Yeah, so last night when the whole "I like you" thing was going on, she said that she'd feel bad because sometimes she'll remember the guy, and she would feel bad if she was with me and suddenly she was thinking about someone else even if it was for a brief amount of time. I respect that she thinks this way... but it's not something that had me concerned. It was all still a fantasy, and something that could be easily broken if I did my part on making this a real relationship instead of some just stupid summer fling.

And second, her family. Her family is extremely attached to their culture. They have actually told her that if the guy is not from their heritage, they probably won't accept him. And given the case, they would actually make her choose between the guy and her family. Yeah, her family are assholes. I am not from her heritage hah, FAR FAR FAR from it. So this is something that gets stuck inside of her mind and thinks that it might turn out to be really wrong for her.

These are the two major things that I know are on her mind about dating me. There might be some other things, but I know this are the most predominant ones.

After I got that text, I tried to call her, and she didn't answer. I just left her a voicemail telling her that I just wanted to talk to her about it, and that I didn't feel like doing texts about it. I also told her that she could call me if she wanted to tell me anything. I also saw her on the facebook chat, where I just told her "?".

Never called me back, never said anything through fb.

I don't wanna give up that easily, specially since this is someone who I've had a crush on for 28 months... yeah it's pathetic. I just don't know what to do... or if I should do anything at all, heh.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Jorge said:


> There are a lot of things going on in her mind, and I know what is going on.
> 
> One of them, and probably the most important one, is a past relationship. She went abroad during the summer, and had a romantic relationship with someone over there. While brief (I would say three weeks at most), she really fell hard for this guy. She came back to the states, and they stopped talking to each other altogether because they were weird or something. Up till today, she still remembers the relationship and fantasizes it. Yeah, I know summer flings are like that. I know that probably if they would've been one or two more weeks, they might've broken up or something... I know this. It's her who has to come back to her real life.
> 
> ...


Man, I mean that's still pretty awesome though. She definitely likes you but it's just the circumstances messing things up. So I guess you should feel good about that. It sucks about her family though. That's the main wall in the way. But yea I'd say you're right about that last part. You shouldn't give up that easy....and I don't think she wants you to. I like the facebook chat thing. that was funny. 

You prolly already know this but I'd say she is blocking you off BECAUSE she feels too strongly for you. This may cause pain in the end if you guys can't be together because of her parents. I'm sorry about that. But I think you are right in consistently trying to get through those walls she is putting up...because I do think there is potential and I think both of you know it. 

Tell me more about the parents and their traditions and all that. Oh and not that's not pathetic.


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## Tommy (Nov 25, 2009)

Truly a dilemma here.. 

I don't think the family should be a problem. Even if you're not of their culture you can show up as a gentleman and impress them. Even though they are devoted to their culture, they'll always be parent first. Parents want the best for their children, and most of all, they want her to be happy.


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

thehigher said:


> Man, I mean that's still pretty awesome though. She definitely likes you but it's just the circumstances messing things up. So I guess you should feel good about that. It sucks about her family though. That's the main wall in the way. But yea I'd say you're right about that last part. You shouldn't give up that easy....and I don't think she wants you to. I like the facebook chat thing. that was funny.
> 
> You prolly already know this but I'd say she is blocking you off BECAUSE she feels too strongly for you. This may cause pain in the end if you guys can't be together because of her parents. I'm sorry about that. But I think you are right in consistently trying to get through those walls she is putting up...because I do think there is potential and I think both of you know it.
> 
> Tell me more about the parents and their traditions and all that. Oh and not that's not pathetic.


Yeah looking back, just the way she acted about everything when I told her was kinda cute cause it wasn't a complete no. She was blushing, she was smiling, she was laughing... it was cute hehe. And after all... ok this is what happened when we kissed...

After talking about me liking her, she exposing her concerns and stuff, she said goodbye (it was late, and she needed to study for a quiz next day). She hugged me... in a really good way. I held her in my arms and just asked her if I could kiss her. She stood silent, smiled and blushed. I grabbed her softly and just kissed her. I was shooting just for a small kiss on the lips, maybe two or three.

Then she got into it haha. I let her go... then suddenly she grabs me and starts kissing me =P.

I told her that all parents like me anyway... I... ok I look like an ISFP hahaha. So parents dont think I'm an asshole. I have a good taste in music and I know current topics, so I don't sound stupid or anything... It's the Ne-Fe axis of an INTP I guess. Parents just think I'm a good guy and that I won't hurt anyone.



> Truly a dilemma here..
> 
> I don't think the family should be a problem. Even if you're not of their culture you can show up as a gentleman and impress them. Even though they are devoted to their culture, they'll always be parent first. Parents want the best for their children, and most of all, they want her to be happy.


That's what one would hope but... you really never know. I've heard stories from other people about parents and yeah... some of them can be just plain old assholes.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Jorge said:


> Yeah looking back, just the way she acted about everything when I told her was kinda cute cause it wasn't a complete no. She was blushing, she was smiling, she was laughing... it was cute hehe. And after all... ok this is what happened when we kissed...
> 
> After talking about me liking her, she exposing her concerns and stuff, she said goodbye (it was late, and she needed to study for a quiz next day). She hugged me... in a really good way. I held her in my arms and just asked her if I could kiss her. She stood silent, smiled and blushed. I grabbed her softly and just kissed her. I was shooting just for a small kiss on the lips, maybe two or three.
> 
> ...



Dude...I'm so jealous of you right now hahah. I know they give great hugs right? It's like...woah shit...how do you do that. But that sounds fuckin awesome not gonna lie. Great job  anddd good luck


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

thehigher said:


> Dude...I'm so jealous of you right now hahah. I know they give great hugs right? It's like...woah shit...how do you do that. But that sounds fuckin awesome not gonna lie. Great job  anddd good luck


Heh jealous of w fihat? Of not knowing how to approach her now? Of feeling under appreciated? Of realizing that I'll never fall for someone that is not an emotional flake?

=P There's nothing to envy to be honest... that text was still pretty rough, and the fact that I haven't heard from her makes it worse.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Jorge said:


> Heh jealous of w fihat? Of not knowing how to approach her now? Of feeling under appreciated? Of realizing that I'll never fall for someone that is not an emotional flake?
> 
> =P There's nothing to envy to be honest... that text was still pretty rough, and the fact that I haven't heard from her makes it worse.


The awesome kiss and even the tension of love. Yes I know it's still unsure...but uncertainty produces the deepest meaning when it is resolved.


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## Steven Meisel (Dec 27, 2009)

Jorge said:


> Heh now it all went down the crapper actually ^_^
> 
> I finally told her in person after I walked her home. We went off in a bunch of tangents (which makes me suspect she's actually an ENFP heh, the amount of them was ridiculous). At the end, she didn't reject me, but she said "I can't give you an answer tonight".
> 
> ...


Reading this thread really warms my heart! I am so rooting for you! 

Dude, Act As If she never even said "what happened last night cannot be repeated...."

Just keep pursuing her like it was never even mentioned. Stay confident. 

Ignore that comment and pleasantly keep pursuing her.

Good luck!


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## seraphiel (Dec 26, 2009)

1. I'd probably be embarrassed 
2. If I like the letter I'll probably blush
3. If I blush I'll probably start to feel funny and subsequently turned on...
4. I get more embarrassed from feeling what I'd be feeling
5. I blush more...
6. I play it off and try not to act like a total schoolgirl (I'm the type that throws rocks to say 'I like you' :crazy
7. Run away! And hide until I stop feeling like an idiot.


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

... weird?


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

Jorge said:


> Short and to the point:
> 
> What would you think of a guy (or a girl, w/e) who tells you he likes you in writing, but stays there while you read the letter?


I'm guessing he's concerned about my (immediate) reaction, which could imply care.


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

And do people usually open a letter right away like that? I'd put it into my purse/ bag and read it later.

If he insist that I open it while waiting for my reaction, yes, weird.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Sounds like things have developed further for you but I wanted to respond to original question.

I once was given a letter by a guy who liked me that was in my class. He gave me the letter before class and he sat a couple of rows away. He did watch me read it during class. It was adorable. He was giving me a shy smile from across the room and would look down. It was sweet. I think we made out by that weekend. But then again I always had a "thing" for the shy boys.

What not to do: I was just texted a penis this morning by a young man who is not understanding a lack of interest on my part. This is NOT cool. Please do not do this.


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## Trifoilum (Dec 13, 2009)

I'm glad things seems to work out for the better for you 

For the initial question..
....I'd subject him into COUNTLESS amount of motive dissecting.
No, really. Sending me a letter is a thing, and as Vanitas had said; 


> And do people usually open a letter right away like that? I'd put it into my purse/ bag and read it later.
> 
> If he insist that I open it while waiting for my reaction, yes, weird.


Wanting to see MY reaction when reading that assumes and implies that he's not that shy and he just want to be articulate and "saying the right thing".
To me, while it can be sweet, it sounded rather lacking in genuineness.

Am I too paranoid here?


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## Acciolove (Jan 5, 2010)

I'd find it really lame if he was there watching. Also, annoying. A guy like that would need patience, and I don't have any.

If he wasn't around however, it would be adorable.


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## seraphiel (Dec 26, 2009)

Maybe the guy writes better than he speaks.
Maybe he feels written words are absorbed better and context is more visible.

And personally, *I* think being picky about mode of communication is even _more_ weird. :dry:


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## Acciolove (Jan 5, 2010)

That is all very true, and letters are a great way to get feelings across, I totally agree.

As I said, it would only be weird if he was watching. If he gave it to me to read later, thats really cute and as I said adorable ^^


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## Lisethg89 (Dec 14, 2009)

If I were to write a letter I'd love to see the initial genuine reaction as the person read it.:laughing: Even if it is a bit weird and uncomfortable for the other person. But that way i could see they're real interest or lack there of. I wouldn't try this approach unless I was certain or had some inclination of the others person's feelings towards me, it's somewhat disrespectful to just spring it on them like that. 

I'd admire the other person giving me a letter and staying there to watch me real it as genuine interest,:blushed: and even though I could suppose that taking them time to really write and put on paper what you feel, would also provoke me to think that it may not be genuine since I wasn't able to experience true feelings:dry:. 

My boyfriend actually sent me a message on myspace, which totally surprised me, telling me he liked me.:laughing: I was intimidated by him and I doubted his intentions so I told him we could be friends, lol. A few weeks later he confronted me and told me in person, it was adorable!! I could tell he was nervous. But it definitely helped me be at ease that I was somewhat prepared or I at least knew he liked me even if I didn't know he was going to tell me personally... *sigh*


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## fleur de lis (Jan 8, 2010)

i'd be a little disappointed...... a man's voice is much sexier than his penmanship......


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## HeartlySerious (Jan 2, 2010)

Endearing and sweet C:~


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## entpreter (Aug 5, 2009)

Jorge said:


> Short and to the point:
> 
> What would you think of a guy (or a girl, w/e) who tells you he likes you in writing, but stays there while you read the letter?


It may be flattering if he is a poet or a singer (and they're lyrics) or something sort of romantic, but well, otherwise, it may come off as a bit like middle school. Although, I would admit if it was from a guy that I've been friends with and have liked for a long time, I probably wouldn't give two shits how he told me : ) I'd be happy as can be.


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

Hehe thanks everyone for your personal input. As I've said before, it's interesting to view the different reactions, so that eliminates the theory of finding the perfect way to hook up with somebody =P haha. I will read these for future references....

Yeah, future... Nothing happened after that except for a superficial talk. I haven't seen her in about a month. I've moved on to better projects :tongue:.


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## murderegina (Jan 7, 2010)

Do you think she likes you in return? If so, then go for it. Otherwise...too much pressure is it involved on her side of the token. I think romantic gestures as only perceived as romantic if the feeling is mutual anyways. What do you think you'll end up doing?


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

murderegina said:


> Do you think she likes you in return? If so, then go for it. Otherwise...too much pressure is it involved on her side of the token. I think romantic gestures as only perceived as romantic if the feeling is mutual anyways. What do you think you'll end up doing?


I posted it before during the thread, but I dont blame you on not reading it... the thread is quite long now.

I did it about a month ago, and I just told her in person. At the end, one has to analyze not the scenario, but the characters involved. She is a fan of straight-shooting guys, and I'm usually not lacking in my abilities to improvise. The feeling was.... mutual in the instant, but not as so afterwards.


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## murderegina (Jan 7, 2010)

I'm sowwwy


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