# Need Help. How to get a girl advice?



## Selden (May 24, 2009)

So anyways, like most people I want a relationship. And like all straight guys, I want a girlfriend. Of course, it's easier said than done and that's why I need your help. Not the "be yourself" kind of help nor the tough love kind of help. Just good solid advice on my situation.

Starting with the positive, here's some of the things I have going for me. I don't know how much they'll help but it seems like they would.

+ Not bad looking: I hate saying I'm good looking, since it's all relative and I don't like arrogance. With that being said, I'm sure I'm far from the worst looking guy out there. I mean, I had plenty of people tell me that I'm handsome (without me asking) and had a few girls hit on me. And if some friends I know who are heavy and balding in their twenties can get a good looking and nice girlfriend; than I'm sure looks can't completely be an Achilles heel for me.

+Well dressed: Probably not the sharpest dressed but I do take some consideration into clothes. I tuck my shirt in, wear a good jacket (unless it's hot), try to find the best pair of jeans for it, etc. Sort of a rocker look (might upload photos). Again, I got a few comments about how I dressed so it can't be that bad. At least compared to most guys who don't care about how they dress.

+Listener: Definitely more of a listener than a talker. I'm not good at listening to the details but I do get the general idea. And I try to take interest and even give feedback to whatever it is (since I have a wide range of interests). Plus, I'm definitely willing to hear when someone has a problem (as long as it doesn't come off bitchy or hateful).

+Affable: I'm might not be hyper and the "hey how are you!?" guy, but I guess I'm nice enough. I enjoy being polite and I certainly can do natural facial gestures (when reacting positively). Not prince charming but I guess I have some charisma. I'm not blunt or stiff, let's put it that way.

+Sensitive: I don't mean emo or taking everything so personally. I mean not being cold and being empathetic, which comes easily to me. I might appear cold at first impression (since I don't talk much) but I certainly can give emotions. Not overtly but more subtly. Most people can guess how I'm feeling without me asking or making it apparent. Giving out vibes I suppose.

+Romantic: Not in the chic flick kind of way but I do enjoy romance. I guess more in it's ideology than it's aesthetics. I'm not the guy who buys roses or enjoys Kathy Heigl films but I do hold the door and know a few manners. Not to mention that Sixteen Candles (not chic flick), Dirty Dancing are some of my favorite films and Roxy Music's "More Than This" is one of my favorite songs (and bands)

And now for the obvious problems I have right now.

-Location: Unfortunately since I'm in a junior college right now, it's harder to meet people. And since I'm not very extroverted, I usually have to find myself in a scenario where it's natural to get connected in order to make friends. I don't know any places that have cute and single girls my age. Or even a place where people want to sit down and make new friends. And before you ask, no, I'm tried using online dating (for like a month) and it failed. And no, I'm not a church goer or wanting to join a chess club.

-Low Self-Confidence: This has probably been the biggest issue for me. Most of my other (social) problems all tie into this one. I don't have much confidence about myself and although I'm trying to improve it, I don't have the best image about myself. I guess I don't like arrogant people and my fear is being even a little cocky. Plus, I'm sensitive to criticism (not to be confused with positive/constructive criticism), which drags me back whenever I start building confidence. Although I certainly have the confidence to talk to women (have plenty of friend girls), I rarely have any confidence when it comes to asking out. Or even making jokes or speaking up (which isn't just exclusive to girls I like).

-Looks: I know I said before that I wasn't terrible looking and I still stand by it. However, I certainly don't look like your leading male type. Also, I don't want to play the "race card" but I sometimes wish I wasn't tan. I guess I wonder if my chances were improved if I was full white, since I wouldn't have as much stigma. Than again, if I was pale, I would probably complain about not being tan.

-Quiet/Shy: If you haven't figured it out yet, yes I am shy. I tend to look away sometimes and I wait to be approached rather than approach. It's not all a bad flaw but I get the feeling that keeping to myself lets people think I'm a "creep".

-Soft Spoken: Even though I suppose it isn't that bad, it seems more of the louder and obnoxious guys (bros) get the girls. Although I certainly don't want to be that guy not matter what it offers. I guess it's more about speaking up than speaking louder. Although I don't want my voice to make me come off as weak or afraid.

-Not Talkative: I'm not just quiet and soft spoken but sometimes I don't always have something witty to say. I don't mind silence or having pauses in between, but some people do. Sometimes I just run out of things to say, which is more often than not.

-Not Story Teller: Don't get me wrong, I am a story teller (writer) but not when speaking. I have a lot of life instances to talk about but I'm not particularly good at making them sound exciting. Or speaking in great detail/length about them. I heard most people prefer others who tell witty stories and talk all about themselves. Personally, I'm more about word play, pop culture (music/art/stories/etc.) references, analogies, and the like. I guess you could say I'm very iNtuitive and not much Sensing when it comes to conversations.

-Not Assertive/Aggressive: I don't take the initiative, not just when it comes to talking first. I tend to weigh my decisions and not say/do whatever comes to mind first. I enjoy that, since it prevents myself from doing stupid stuff or puttiing my foot in my mouth. But I heard a lot of girls don't like that kind of thinking or guys who are laid back.

-Edgy/Myserious Looking: Probably a double edged sword. Who knows, perhaps it gives a better opinion about me or draws people towards me. However, I'm sure it also makes people think that I'm stuck up or that I might have a dark personality. It probably has to do more with that I'm quiet and shy than anything else.

Sorry if that's a lot of information to consider. I don't want to sound like I'm a complete loser. All I'm doing is taking every major factor as to why I don't have a girlfriend into consideration. However, the main things I need advice about is building confidance and finding places to mingle; as well as get assesment on whether or not I'm a hopeless case (good chance or zero chance with a girlfriend).


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## Mind Marauder (Nov 12, 2009)

Ah sounds like me! Sounds a lot like me! Well first of all, I don't see how college would be a limiting factor. I'm a fairly introverted guy (several times I've scord 100% on introversion) but within the few weeks of being here at college (I'm a freshmen) I've been talking to plenty of women. Unfortunately, I've had some bad experiences but the girls that have been nice to me make up for the ones that have created negative situations. With that being said, my first bit of advice is to not be afraid to fail. I HATE it when people give me this advice, but it's true in a lot of ways. I actually still resist it but I'm getting better at not resisting every day. Now with that in mind, I'm not saying go out and start chatting it up with every girl you see just so you can prove how not afraid of failing you are. A good example happened to me today: I was working out in the gym and noticed that every time I looked over at this girl she was looking at me. I had seen this girl a bit around the gym before. So we played the eye game for a little while. Then when I went up to the abdominal section of the gym she later showed up. So I did a bit of my ab routine and we kept just looking back and forth at each other. Finally, I just said, "I've seen you around the gym a lot. Do you come here often?" And we just started chatting it up. It's just doing stuff like that that makes a difference. If you see a girl checking you out (and they should be if you are somewhat attractive) try to talk to her. Don't make it a forced thing but just be natural. Heck, that girl and I may never talk again but it's the small little conversations that could end up paying off later on.

Also try not to focus on your negative aspects and build upon your positive ones. I know that's easier said than done but I'm pretty much in the exact same boat you're in. I still don't have a girl friend. Oh! That remind me! Don't and I mean DON'T act desperate. I really wish I had someone to tell me that when I was first becoming interested in girls. This is something that is completely hard for me because I love everything about a woman. But even the nicest ones can get freaked out. I actually had a girl call me creepy because I was trying to be her friend so much. Not even her boyfriend, mind you!

As far as sensitive goes, another thing that most girls don't appreciate fully. A lot do, don't get me wrong, but a girl wants to also have a strong male figure. So why not be both? Even though it hasn't gotten me a long term partner yet, I can tell the girls do appreciate it because it kinda confuses them in a good way. He can be strong, yet he can listen to me like I actually mean something.

The whole mysterious thing isn't a bad deal. You don't exactly want to spill your heart to a girl the first time your meet her (I've done that to disastrous results). A lot of passion can be created just by being a little bit aloof. NOT a lot. Just a little. Talk with a girl but always hold back just a little bit. Just a little. I can't stress how important it is to NOT either A) Say too much or B) Say too little.

A lot of this just takes experience and that takes baby steps. Set small goals for yourself. Smile at a girl as she passes by (not in a creepy way or anything). Chit chat with a girl about the weather.

If you ever wanna talk about this stuff or bounce ideas off of someone, feel free to message me because I'm right there with ya man.


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

WTF? Did someone change the heading to the thread? Not that it makes a difference, although the "?" after "How to get a girl advice" is confusing, as it makes it seem like it's not sure that this is an advice topic or not.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

I'd hit that.



Your overall problem is your confidence. You are not confident in yourself. But why? You understand all the negatives you said about yourself aren't necessarily bad, you just view them in yourself negatively. If you are confident in yourself people will be confident in you.


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

Mind Marauder said:


> Ah sounds like me! Sounds a lot like me! Well first of all, I don't see how college would be a limiting factor. I'm a fairly introverted guy (several times I've scored 100% on introversion) but within the few weeks of being here at college (I'm a freshmen) I've been talking to plenty of women.


Like I said, it's a junior college, which is different than an University/state college. Everyone goes there mostly for the education and the age ranges from 18 up to 60 (although few older adults). There isn't too many activities and everyone there just gets their time in the classroom and then get the hell out of there. It's a commuter school, so that's why I said it was a limiting factor.



> Also try not to focus on your negative aspects and build upon your positive ones. I know that's easier said than done but I'm pretty much in the exact same boat you're in. I still don't have a girl friend. Oh! That remind me! Don't and I mean DON'T act desperate.


I was just racking up what the potential negative factors could be. If anyone put down every flaw they'd have, they'd sound pretty downtrodden too. Even though I am a bit down trodden about my factors. Still, I'm trying to look at all the factors rather than blame it on other things. Sort of like guys who say "oh, it's because I'm a 'nice guy'" even though they aren't the nicest guys and it's probably because they are not good looking and don't have a clue about socializing. Or those girls that blame everything on "oh, guys just want sex/good looking women" when they're problem is they reject every guy and have a bitter personality.

As far as being desperate goes, I don't think I'm desperate. Desperate means taking any chance you have, even if it goes against what you really want. I'm just more determined than desperate. Determined to get a girlfriend, since that's what I really want right now.



> As far as sensitive goes, another thing that most girls don't appreciate fully. A lot do, don't get me wrong, but a girl wants to also have a strong male figure. So why not be both? Even though it hasn't gotten me a long term partner yet, I can tell the girls do appreciate it because it kinda confuses them in a good way. He can be strong, yet he can listen to me like I actually mean something.


By sensitive I wasn't referring to being "weak", as I put sensitive as a positive aspect. And again, I wasn't saying I was a crybaby, as I appear calm to most people. What I meant is that I empathize with people easier and be emotional when I speak (not be a dull and dry person). Which is different than a lot of guys who don't have girlfriends because they don't get other people and are a bit misanthropic (e.g archetypal "nerds").



> The whole mysterious thing isn't a bad deal. You don't exactly want to spill your heart to a girl the first time your meet her (I've done that to disastrous results). A lot of passion can be created just by being a little bit aloof. NOT a lot. Just a little. Talk with a girl but always hold back just a little bit. Just a little. I can't stress how important it is to NOT either A) Say too much or B) Say too little.
> 
> A lot of this just takes experience and that takes baby steps. Set small goals for yourself. Smile at a girl as she passes by (not in a creepy way or anything). Chit chat with a girl about the weather.


Yeah, I should've clarified mysterious. I meant sort of...edgy. I don't want to sound geeky but the only analogies I can think of are Donnie Darko or Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode III. That kind of dark persona. Not that I necessarily have it, it's just that it might be the impression I give off at first glance.

I'm not bad at smiling or even doing a good chat, it's more being able to find someone and approach without second guessing. I can talk to any girl and I have friends who enjoy my company. It's just that it seems to attract someone or to get them, you have to put on a show, "sweep her off her feet". Which is what I'm trying to get better at.

I don't mean to argue or tear your argument apart. I appreciate what you said and will take it into consideration. All I'm doing is clarifying what I was saying. Which, will probably in turn help me assess where I am and who I am.

Thx


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> Your overall problem is your confidence. You are not confident in yourself. But why? You understand all the negatives you said about yourself aren't necessarily bad, you just view them in yourself negatively. If you are confident in yourself people will be confident in you.


I guess it's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of becoming arrogant, I'm afraid of having confidence and being shot down (not just asking out), I'm afraid of being confidant where I shouldn't be confidant about, and I'm afraid of being like those guys who are full of themselves. Yes, it does sound irrational but I think everyone has an irrational thought or belief. 

Perhaps it's because I got teased quite a bit when I was in school whenever I spoke up or started to get confidant. It shouldn't matter now and I'm not saying "pity me" or "I have an excuse now". I'm just saying that I'm cautious about speaking, out of fear of getting humiliated for it.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Selden said:


> So anyways, like most people I want a relationship. And like all straight guys, I want a girlfriend. Of course, it's easier said than done and that's why I need your help. Not the "be yourself" kind of help nor the tough love kind of help. Just good solid advice on my situation.
> 
> Starting with the positive, here's some of the things I have going for me. I don't know how much they'll help but it seems like they would.
> 
> ...


 
To bad you are not in your 40's. I would snatch you up faster than you could blink an eye. It sounds like you are the perfect guy. I bet there are a dozen woman secretly and madly in love with you and you don't even notice. Take a look around and you will see them. Then pick one and go after her. You got a lot to offer a woman. Even most of what you point out as negatives seems to be positives.


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## Munchies (Jun 22, 2009)

the best way is to act like you dont even want a girlfriend. they will come to you. not saying im a pimp, but try it lol


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Selden said:


> I guess it's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of becoming arrogant, I'm afraid of having confidence and being shot down (not just asking out), I'm afraid of being confidant where I shouldn't be confidant about, and I'm afraid of being like those guys who are full of themselves. Yes, it does sound irrational but I think everyone has an irrational thought or belief.
> 
> Perhaps it's because I got teased quite a bit when I was in school whenever I spoke up or started to get confidant. It shouldn't matter now and I'm not saying "pity me" or "I have an excuse now". I'm just saying that I'm cautious about speaking, out of fear of getting humiliated for it.


I don't really know what to say. As far as I can tell your confidence is your one major problem. You have little reason not to be confident in yourself. Its difficult sometimes to be confident without being arrogant, but I'd say its better to be arrogant and happy with your life than to not have confidence and be unhappy.


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## SpankyMcFly (Oct 8, 2009)

I suggest two things, alcohol and a social network.

Let me explain myself. As an INFP you are not likely to find a quality mate at the usual places that other more social types use. This is where a social network comes in. You need this network to create situations that are more your style. Small get togethers at a friends house, a bbq, casual small group activities or whatever floats your boat or you think you can tolerate. Extroverted feelers are great in this regards, they get and appreciate your INFP'ness while naturally flitting about sucking people into their awesomeness and then later setting up or hearing about social activities.

With network in hand and as you attend these types of things opportunities will arise. This is where alcohol comes in. Amazing what a couple of drinks does to ones inhibitions and confidence. That's two drinks, not 4, not 6, moderation is important.

INFP makes EXFX friends --> Friends invite INFP to parties/activities --> INFP spots target but needs a way to build confidence while simultaneously having a way to "save face" if he should crash and burn. --> INFP drinks a couple of whatevers --> INFP busts a move. The rest is entirely up to any chemistry you may or may not have with said target. In the end you will never know until you try.

You will find that this type of environment is next to ideal for introverts to "hunt" in or to show their peacock feathers. Fear is the mind killer.


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Be nice, don't be too extreme, show you have some emotions. Talk to them. Most important be honest and genuine. Show your interests and be interested in theirs. Don't worry about the rest. A woman who isn't interested in you then isn't worth the chase.


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

I'd date you Selden. I dig you. I always like your posts. roud: 

Sorry, I know you want some advice, but it's already late and I would just give crappy advice or draw blanks. So I will *mark* this thread and help you out with some more input tomorrow if you'd like. =)


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## Rourk (Feb 17, 2009)

Munchies said:


> the best way is to act like you dont even want a girlfriend. they will come to you. not saying im a pimp, but try it lol


But I theorize that you are a social piranha. This only works for the social piranha's. What of the reclusive hermit head down star gazed dreamer?


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

You should work on your general conversational skills with people. Be brave, and start speaking up when you have something to say, and injecting some humour etc into conversation.

It'll seem weird at first, but I think you'll find that people like to hear your thoughts and ideas. Eventually you'll build the confidence to talk to girls you like, and hopefully a relationship will develop from one of those conversations.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

first you need to learn what women are attracted to

all the stuff you wrote in the first post neither helps nor hinders you, because none of that matters

read my guide here: http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/5636-guide-getting-girls-minus-lying-expenditures.html

you already know everything you need to about getting girls, you just need to bring it to light, all of it is mental

of course, you can always be a pathetic tool and go for the roses and chocolates approach


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

Thracius said:


> first you need to learn what women are attracted to
> 
> all the stuff you wrote in the first post neither helps nor hinders you, because none of that matters
> 
> ...


If it works so well, than why are *you* still single:tongue:


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

SpankyMcFly said:


> I suggest two things, alcohol and a social network.
> 
> INFP makes EXFX friends --> Friends invite INFP to parties/activities --> INFP spots target but needs a way to build confidence while simultaneously having a way to "save face" if he should crash and burn. --> INFP drinks a couple of whatevers --> INFP busts a move. The rest is entirely up to any chemistry you may or may not have with said target. In the end you will never know until you try.


Yeah, social networking does work. However, the problem is, is that I'm in a community college which makes it much harder to work it out. In the summer when all my other friends are back home, I find myself networking easier. Especially my best friend's sister (ExFP) who's a good friend of mine and has plenty of connections and introduces me to others. However, it's finding that network within school that's tricky.

As far as alcohol, yes it does make me more upbeat and confidant. It does work, which is the very problem. If I used alcohol every time I felt too humble or needed more socializing, than I'd probably become an alcoholic. I've never been completely wasted either, so I don't know how my personality is when I go beyond just being a little buzzed.


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## parallel (Aug 18, 2009)

I think something that could help you a lot would be to sit, think of all your positive traits and realize how great they truly are; be realistic. If you have flaws that's fine, don't dwell on them -- the key is to think ahead and see how you can improve them. For example, I'm pretty reserved and I have social anxiety disorder, but I put forth the effort to smooth out those flaws because I'm pretty sure they're always going to be there to some extent. In my experience, this worked really well for improving my confidence. The first step in the right direction is acceptance. Accept yourself *as you are*, flaws and all, be* proud* of that and girls will notice.



> I'm afraid of becoming arrogant, I'm afraid of having confidence and being shot down (not just asking out), I'm afraid of being confidant where I shouldn't be confidant about, and I'm afraid of being like those guys who are full of themselves. Yes, it does sound irrational but I think everyone has an irrational thought or belief.


 I have the same worry, but instead of it being a dominant notion, it's at the back of my mind. It's fine you won't turn into a bro. :wink:


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

lateralus said:


> For example, I'm pretty reserved and I have social anxiety disorder, but I put forth the effort to smooth out those flaws because I'm pretty sure they're always going to be there to some extent. In my experience, this worked really well for improving my confidence.


How do you "smooth out" your social anxiety?


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## SpankyMcFly (Oct 8, 2009)

Selden said:


> Yeah, social networking does work. However, the problem is, is that I'm in a community college which makes it much harder to work it out. In the summer when all my other friends are back home, I find myself networking easier. Especially my best friend's sister (ExFP) who's a good friend of mine and has plenty of connections and introduces me to others. However, it's finding that network within school that's tricky.
> 
> As far as alcohol, yes it does make me more upbeat and confidant. It does work, which is the very problem. If I used alcohol every time I felt too humble or needed more socializing, than I'd probably become an alcoholic. I've never been completely wasted either, so I don't know how my personality is when I go beyond just being a little buzzed.


It can be crushing to the very core when you see something so close and all around you that you yearn for so badly escape your perceived grasp. Your level of disappointment is directly proportional to your level of expectation.

Selden, what I suggest you do is the following. Engage strangers (of both sexes and all ages) at every single opportunity. Clearly not ones in groups, nor in an environment that might put you on the spot. Pick off the stragglers. I am referring to that person sitting around looking bored, the person seemingly lost, that someone in the grocery store looking at various cheeses trying to decide which to buy. It is in your nature to be helpful and curious. There is no need to share your inner self with them, instead ask them questions, offer aid, use your intuition to read them, to help them. People like to talk about themselves and are more willing to do so to an innocuous INFP. This is our strength, but you already knew that...

In time you will not even need those 2 drinks (they were just an illusion anyways) as you meld into that person you envision yourself becoming. This takes time and consistency of thought and action. You won't feel it as its happening (as it passes over you and through you) but one day you will look back at what you were and smile to yourself. Perhaps you can share that with someone, to help them help themselves.


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## Loke (Aug 10, 2009)

Liminality said:


> Not being comfortable in yourself can lead to the appocalypse, in all seriousness.


Maybe, but being yourself all the time does not make you comfortable in yourself. Actually, people who truly are themselves are often labled insane and they usually hate themselves. Taking a break from your regular self is a good way to gain perspective and perhaps miss your old self enough that you learn to apriciate yourself. See what I mean?


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

Loke said:


> He wants a girl to hump, not get married. Being yourself is rarely the most effective way to that for an introvert.


Humping is for amateurs


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

Selden said:


> I can see where you're going and I know people who have been in that same situation. However, while I lack confidance, I don't necessarily lack confidance to the point where I get taken advantage of. There were some relationships I had the chance at but I rejected them (the ones I knew that liked me) because I knew that it really wouldn't work. Or at least I would date them but more because it was "the easy way out" and I wouldn't feel good about that. I want a relationship but at the same time, I'm not desperate for it. Or at least not desperate where I feel that it will "complete" me. Just looking for a relationship that can open a different part of me, to discover that other person, and perhaps give me more motivation in life.


Somehow I feel that we keep misunderstanding each other. I'm not saying that wanting a relationship is wrong. There's nothing more natural in this desire. Perhaps I see a younger part of myself in you and am trying in my own way to prevent you from the needless heartbreaks I feel I've experienced. But I realise that this is a futile exercise because everyone has their own path to take in life.

I shall say no more on this topic, Selden. I think the general advice on talking to more people and being more social is great and I wish you the best in finding a nice girl.


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## Darth INTPhoebe (Jul 20, 2010)

*Any extroverted ,,,,,,,,,,,,*

Are there any extroverted hood rats up in your area code? 

Just get one talking to you in any way you can & let them take it from there.

Good luck bro!


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

Argh, this was an old thread and I'm done with that old me. I think I know how to take it from there after time and experience. So just disregard this.


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## limelight3 (Jul 27, 2010)

*EDIT:Wow...sorry Selden. Fail to regarding your previous post. My bad.*
--------------------------
Limelight's turn to throw her two cents worth into the pot!:laughing:

Okay, my first peice of advice: In order to get friends, be a friend. In order to get a girl friend, you have to BE friends. Relationships that just jump off from nowhere usually fall a little bit. So don't push...that'll scare girls away. Strike up conversations. Everyone's a little bit scared of rejection..so take a deep breath and jump in! You see a girl wearing a shirt of something you like? Just smile and say "I love ________! Sweet shirt." Maybe it'll go somewhere. Maybe it won't. The important thing is you tried. If you get completely shut down, don't sweat it! Just remember to put in perspective: She didn't really know you, you didn't know her, and in the long run, it's not going to end your life. When people do mean things that hurt you, they're probably not going to lose sleep over it...They were mean people in the first place. :wink:

2nd: Don't be shy just because you aren't as witty, loud or funny as someone else. I'm a very vivacious person, and I love being silly, but that doesn't mean I won't like someone woh isn't just as loud or silly as me. In fact I've been more interested in I's than E's my whole life. Introverted people calm me down, and I like that. I also enjoy making people laugh. Silly people will find things to laugh at. Trust me! You don't have to talk like the Gilmore Girls to be impressive. So say what's on your mind! If you don't have anything to say, that's cool too. I really love guys who are comfortable with silence. Sometimes it's what you need.

3rd: If you can't find someone who you're interested in around you, Go some where new! Change your surroundings. Now I don't mean Move or anything, but find something you've never done before and try it. You're in a junior college you say? Well try a cooking class. You'll learn some awesome skills that you can impress girls with later (cooking in a man is MUY attractive), PLUS I'll bet that the ratio of boys to girls is 1:2. Or if you've dreamed of doing Karate since you were 4, but never got around to it, sign up for a class. Take yourself out of your comfort zone. 10 bucks says everyone else will feel as awkward as you probably do, so you'll have something to bond over, plus you can get/give help and make a group of friends that way.

All-in-all, you sound like an AMAZING guy, so keep that in mind. It's so easy to be down on yourself, but don't be. Leave notes reminding yourself of your good traits where you'll see them if you need to. (I've put them on mirrors, in my fridge, hiding them in my closet, etc.) It'll make your day a little better, plus it'll boost your confidence, and self-confidence is SEXY. Also, don't forget to smile!:laughing:

hoped this helped and wasn't confusing.


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

limelight3 said:


> *EDIT:Wow...sorry Selden. Fail to regarding your previous post. My bad.*
> --------------------------
> Limelight's turn to throw her two cents worth into the pot!:laughing:
> 
> ...


It was very helpful, I particularly enjoyed the first piece of advice. :happy:

My problem is that, I don't know how to ask anyone out. I spent a little over an hour with a girl I was interested in, after a movie, just talking about anything that came to mind but I just didn't know how to bring up that I was interested in her and wanted to ask her out. What shall I ever do? :shocked:


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## limelight3 (Jul 27, 2010)

That's the worst! I'm such a chicken...I hardly EVER ask guys out. For me, I just have to take a deep breath and do it. If I sit and think about it, I mentally spaz out. Next time you spend over an _HOUR wink_ chatting with someone, just remind yourself that that person spent an hour talking to you. That must mean SOMETHING, right? As you're getting ready to go, I like to slip in something like "This was fun....we should do it again sometime." If the girl says yes, don't just leave at that! Set a date or get her number! "Cool! What about Friday? We can go get coffee/donuts/cake/pie/whatever the heck you want, my treat." or.."Awesome. Can I get your number so we can set that up" (or something like that. I've never actually asked for a number. I prefer the first option.) 

The thing we forget about in our society is that *DATING* is not the same thing as "Going on a date." Take it slow! Just go on a casual date and work your way up. Houses built with no foundation don't work very well, and neither do relationships.:happy:


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