# You have two cows...



## Custers Last Band (Jan 20, 2011)

Just a little play off the classic "You have two cows" explanation of governments, skewed for MBTI. This isn't meant to be mean spirited in any way, so please don't get offended or take it too seriously (looking at you, NFs  ). If you think of a better one for your type go ahead and post it.

ESFJ - You have two cows. You paint them both blue then get angry because they looked better before.

ESTJ - You have two cows. You plow the field, dust the crops, feed the pigs, rebuild the barn, then come back and yell at the cows because they're still just standing there.

ISFJ - You have two cows. You plan out all of their activities for the rest of the week.

ISTJ - You have two cows. You get up at 4 am to milk them.

ISTP - You have two cows. You get up at 4 am to ride them.

ISFP - You have two cows. You sit in a tree and draw them.

ESTP - You have two cows. You eat one then go drinking.

ESFP - You have two cows. You use them as props in your one-man production of Hamlet.

INFJ - You have two cows. You imagine they're both in love and cry with joy.

INFP - You have two cows. You imagine they're both lonely and cry with sadness.

ENFJ - You have two cows. You spend the rest of the day trying to hug them both at the same time.

ENFP - You have two cows. You get them to tell you their life stories.

INTJ - You have two cows. You break them down and use the parts to build robots.

INTP - You have two cows. You sit for days thinking of how it'd be better if they were castles.

ENTJ - You have two cows. You hire them as secretaries.

ENTP - You have two cows. You convince them it's a privilege to whitewash your fence for you.


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## Pepperoni (Jan 21, 2011)

Haha, I love it.


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## Dancnonthestars (Dec 27, 2010)

that's awsome.


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## LiteratureNerd (Nov 14, 2010)

That is fantastic. Just one question: Anyone know where I can take my two lovestruck cows for a bridal fitting? :laughing:


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## Cokenut (Jan 21, 2011)

INFJ - You have two cows. You lay in the grass and nap with your cows.


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## SnnyYellow (Jun 18, 2010)

Hahaha! ENFJ, ENFP, and ENTJ is spot on in my book! :tongue:


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## CarmelinaGunn (Jan 17, 2011)

My cows are getting married by their lifelong mutual friend, Mr. Pig. We all group hugged over the good news.


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## ArabianJosh (Aug 5, 2010)

Nice work on this. My mind is already sorting through the potential uses for the various parts...


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

They did a good job with that fence too.


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## CarmelinaGunn (Jan 17, 2011)

Now my cows are registered at Pottery Barn. Invitations will be sent out shortly. The barn owl agreed to help deliver them. The ceremony is going to be so beautiful...


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## Herp (Nov 25, 2010)

I first read the title I thought:

"OMG, what should I do with two cows... I'll make them run, riding one. In the middle of the run, I'll jump to the other, just like action movies guys do when they jump from one car to another"

*reads OP* I'm an ISTP!

Not really, I'm an INFJ with a Ti-Se fetish.


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## Custers Last Band (Jan 20, 2011)

Leaves said:


> I first read the title I thought:
> 
> "OMG, what should I do with two cows... I'll make them run, riding one. In the middle of the run, I'll jump to the other, just like action movies guys do when they jump from one car to another"
> 
> ...


It's ok, just shout something dramatic and fantastic (dramastic?) while leaping and I think you'll still be fully within type. Suggestions: "For the King!", "I will have my vengeance!", or the ever popular "Death cannot stop true love!"

Hope that helps :happy:


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

I would rather just stare at them, while lying in the meadow. :tongue:


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## Darner (Apr 20, 2010)

Awesome! You got my dad perfectly, since he never lived on a farm, he used to sit in a tree drawing passing cars when he was young


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## MellyW (Jan 24, 2011)

I would feed them donuts. Cows like donuts, and then they like you for feeding them donuts, so they don't run away when you try to pet them. (Strangely enough, I speak from experience.) >.>....<.<...>.>...


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## aboyeraboyer (Sep 24, 2009)

My cows are friends with CarleminaGunn's cows and they were at the wedding. They're giving them a nice set of dishes and some linens. And my cows have a lot of friends like Mr. Fox who frequently come to visit when food is hard to find. They also have a pig friend who goes around with me on the farm to help me with the daily duties. Then when all is done we sit in the field and pick flowers and the cows eat them just like Ferdinand. Perfect.


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## CarmelinaGunn (Jan 17, 2011)

aboyeraboyer said:


> My cows are friends with CarleminaGunn's cows and they were at the wedding. They're giving them a nice set of dishes and some linens. And my cows have a lot of friends like Mr. Fox who frequently come to visit when food is hard to find. They also have a pig friend who goes around with me on the farm to help me with the daily duties. Then when all is done we sit in the field and pick flowers and the cows eat them just like Ferdinand. Perfect.


My cows just sent yours their thank you note for the lovely wedding presents. They want to know if your cows would like to get together for dinner (read: flowers in the daisy field) sometime this week. They ran into Mr. Fox near the chicken coop and have been discussing throwing a barn-warming party soon so that the lovely dishes and linens can be shown off :happy:. Your cows' invitation for that is in the mail but they must get together before that!


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## LiteratureNerd (Nov 14, 2010)

Leaves said:


> I first read the title I thought:
> 
> "OMG, what should I do with two cows... I'll make them run, riding one. In the middle of the run, I'll jump to the other, just like action movies guys do when they jump from one car to another"
> 
> ...


HA!

And my first thought was, "Why the hell do I have two cows? What a shitty gift for someone who doesn't even have a yard. Now I have cow shit in my living room. Thaaaaaaaaanks."


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## aboyeraboyer (Sep 24, 2009)

CarmelinaGunn said:


> My cows just sent yours their thank you note for the lovely wedding presents. They want to know if your cows would like to get together for dinner (read: flowers in the daisy field) sometime this week. They ran into Mr. Fox near the chicken coop and have been discussing throwing a barn-warming party soon so that the lovely dishes and linens can be shown off :happy:. Your cows' invitation for that is in the mail but they must get together before that!


Yes! They'll be there for dinner :happy: They like the idea of a barn warming party as well and would like to know if you would like for them to bring anything because they make a mean apple crumble (read: apples that they were able to restrain from eating) and they think your cows would really enjoy it!


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## CarmelinaGunn (Jan 17, 2011)

aboyeraboyer said:


> Yes! They'll be there for dinner :happy: They like the idea of a barn warming party as well and would like to know if you would like for them to bring anything because they make a mean apple crumble (read: apples that they were able to restrain from eating) and they think your cows would really enjoy it!


My cows have been dying to try your cows' apple crumble! How nice of you. That would be lovely. There will also be pictures of my cows' honeymoon in the sunny pastures fields of California if your cows are interested. It was such a nice time.


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

INTJ -- You have two cows. You eventually kill them for food.


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## Gildar (Aug 4, 2010)

> ESFJ - You have two cows. You paint them both blue then get angry because they looked better before.


I didnt realize the Happy Happyism cultists from Earthbound were ESFJs :crazy:


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## Michail (Jan 28, 2011)

INFJ: You have two cows. You don't notice you have two cows because you are too busy imagining what it would be like to live on a farm (probably with cows in it) for the rest of your life as you do your schoolwork.


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## Gildar (Aug 4, 2010)

INTJ: You realize that 2 cows isn't very efficient. you butcher them, sell the meat and get a tractor.


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

INTJ -- You have two cows. Your farm is as insignificant as you are.

INTJ -- You have two cows. Which shows inefficiency in spatial usage, you should get some more considering your acreage could take a few more.

INTJ -- You have two cows. Being a farmer is a terrible job and should be done by someone considerably more stupid.

INTJ -- You have two cows. You kill them because of their incessant moo-ing.

INTJ -- You have two cows. You take one behind the farm and massacre it, you go back to the other to see how it'll react.


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## ThoughtProcess (Jul 2, 2010)

Get up at 4am? Hell, I wouldn't even have been to bed yet. :crazy:


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## Hastings (Jan 8, 2011)

INFJ - You have two cows. You quietly observe them to try to read the body language of their tails and see if they might like more food.


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## silmarillion (Dec 11, 2010)

Custers Last Band said:


> ENTP - You have two cows. You convince them it's a privilege to whitewash your fence for you.


Dead on target!!! :laughing:


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## Imaginatra (May 16, 2012)

INTJ- You have two cows. Realizing their potential, you quickly come up with an elaborate plan to maximize their efficiency. You then breed the efficient cows to create more efficient cows, until you have a sizable herd of them. Soon you revolutionize the dairy/meat/leather industry, making you rich. Then, you sell the super-cow farm, because farming is boring and tedious, and you want to go do something else.


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## justcait (Aug 25, 2012)

Custers Last Band said:


> INTP - You have two cows. You sit for days thinking of how it'd be better if they were castles.


INTP - you have some (not sure how many) cows, you've forgotten where you put them, you wonder if you remembered to feed them last night, you ponder whether or not if you got together with some other cow farmers perhaps you could breed a new super cow but never get around to it, but you're sure that the future of cow farming lies in implementing your cow-plan.


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## Konigsberg (May 10, 2012)

MissJordan said:


> INTJ -- You have two cows. You eventually kill them for food.





Gildar said:


> INTJ: You realize that 2 cows isn't very efficient. you butcher them, sell the meat and get a tractor.


This is exactly what I thought. "I have two cows..? Great, food. But they won't last long. Better sell their milk and meat and buy something else."


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## cinderfreakinella (Jul 5, 2012)

but but but ... I can't hug both my cows at the same time! My arms are too short :-(


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## demonicgod92 (Aug 5, 2012)

I found the ESTP one funny because i have a friend (ESTP) who behaves like that, ISTJ seems like what I'd do


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## The Nth Doctor (May 18, 2012)

MellyW said:


> I would feed them donuts. Cows like donuts, and then they like you for feeding them donuts, so they don't run away when you try to pet them. (Strangely enough, I speak from experience.) >.>....<.<...>.>...


My new goal for when I next meet a cow is to feed one a donut.
I've tried to give horses donuts, but they don't like them. And then I've wasted a tasty donut on a horse who hates donuts. It's a sweet, awful, dirt-covered tragedy.



justcait said:


> INTP - you have some (not sure how many) cows, you've forgotten where you put them, you wonder if you remembered to feed them last night, you ponder whether or not if you got together with some other cow farmers perhaps you could breed a new super cow but never get around to it, but you're sure that the future of cow farming lies in implementing your cow-plan.


That...Is spot-on. 
Another INTP one:
You have two cows. You quickly decide that you're going to clicker-train them, but to do what? To come when you call them, that's the obvious first. The treat will be donuts. You click when a cow looks at you and throw it part of a donut several times in as many minutes. Then you get bored with the lack of progress, decide cows are too stupid to waste your time on, and start thinking of how a cow is similar to a castle, and how much cooler it would be if the guy who gave you two cows had decided to give you a spaceship instead, and consider exactly what you would do with your life if you had said spaceship.


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## pandamiga (Aug 11, 2012)

...I have two cows? What the hell do I want to do with two cows? Wouldn't they be too much work to take care of? I have grass that I could feed them with, but that's my lawn grass. I kind of want to keep that. Well, I guess maybe they could be used to mow my lawn so I don't have to do it anymore. But maybe that would make my lawn look really choppy and strange. Well, I could sell them ...but who wants two cows?!?!?! A farmer would, I guess. But that would mean I would have to research all the farmers surrounding me. They would need to be close by so I could just walk to cows to their new owners. Ugh, I don't want to go through the trouble of selling cows. I guess I could just kill them, but then I may have to eat them since it's not good to waste meat. ...I don't feel like wasting energy to cook meat. I guess I could wait until they walk away. I just hope that they are not like dogs who get attached easily because I don't want them coming back.

....I have "no idea" what my type is.


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## voicetrocity (Mar 31, 2012)

> ENFP - You have two cows. You get them to tell you their life stories.


Love it! Though I think _"You listen to their life stories"_ would be more accurate, in my case. I never "get" someone to open up to me, they just do.


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