# Introvert or extrovert?



## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

So, a while ago I asked you guys what my type might be and the majority agreed on ESFP.The only issue is that I just can't believe it, especially the E part, especially in combination with rest of it.I mean ,I'm not really introverted, but not extroverted either.I think I'm too shy, isolated and disconnected from people to be an extrovert, but too attention loving and outwardly focused for an introvert.
How can I find out for sure?


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## Pyromaniac (Apr 2, 2013)

Can you tell whether you're drained by social interaction or energised by it? Do you feel the need to isolate yourself every once in a while following interaction? That's really what intro/extroversion is defined as.


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## Koboremi (Sep 8, 2013)

I think what you're looking for is ambivert. You don't have to be one or the other. 

Read up on the personality types and see which one you relate to the most. You don't have to relate to everything in your personality type, it's quite rare, actually (from what I've read).


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Coeur deLion said:


> Can you tell whether you're drained by social interaction or energised by it? Do you feel the need to isolate yourself every once in a while following interaction? That's really what intro/extroversion is defined as.


It's extremely hard for me to tell if I'm drained or energized by people because I'm not around them too much, in a social way at least.I think I get energized by going to school with them (although I hate them all) and by occasional interaction outside school, but I have no idea how I'd feel if I spent most of my days actually socialising. I also always felt irritable and moody during long weekends and holidays.My problem is that I'm very shy and insecure, but I also have an idea of how I want to be treated and what I want people to think of me so I try very hard to avoid people who don't measure up to my expectations in terms of who they are and how they see me.I like people who are just enough extroverted to encourage me to be more like them, but still aren't overpowering.I also have an issue with typing myself because I can fool myself into thinking stuff that aren't true.I used to think I was an INTJ which is probably the last thing I actually am.


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## SorkBoard (Dec 31, 2012)

I have this same problem, I spend most of my time alone because of being shy/insecure/a little socially awkward, and I can't tell if when I'm around people if they are giving me energy or if its just around people that I expel my energy


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Personality types are like horoscope.I can relate to anything if I try hard enough.I 'change' my type all the time depending on what people said about me, how I responded to a situation, how people responded to me, etc.I also tend to act the way people expect me to act, say things people expect me to say, 'fake' a personality I'd like to have and things like that.I get lost in all that and don't know who I really am because I've haven't really been 'myself' since I was a little kid and eve then I was shy and insecure so I acted unnaturally.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

SorkBoard said:


> How do you feel when you are interacting with people?
> I always feel a mixure of boredom and fear if the conversation is about them, but I feel kind of 'energized', but I don't think I would if I had to listen to them for hours.But when I'm the centre of attention I'm totally fine, even if it's negative.Only thing is that I'm scared of openly attracting attention and I sometimes shy away from it if it's positive and there's many people.I prefer un directly given negative attention (as long as it's not insulting my looks) to praise and compliments given in person or whole room laughing at my joke.Could it be an introvert thing or just being afraid of setting people's expectations too high?


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## Pyromaniac (Apr 2, 2013)

Living dead said:


> It's extremely hard for me to tell if I'm drained or energized by people because I'm not around them too much, in a social way at least.I think I get energized by going to school with them (although I hate them all) and by occasional interaction outside school, but I have no idea how I'd feel if I spent most of my days actually socialising. I also always felt irritable and moody during long weekends and holidays.My problem is that I'm very shy and insecure, but I also have an idea of how I want to be treated and what I want people to think of me so I try very hard to avoid people who don't measure up to my expectations in terms of who they are and how they see me.I like people who are just enough extroverted to encourage me to be more like them, but still aren't overpowering.I also have an issue with typing myself because I can fool myself into thinking stuff that aren't true.I used to think I was an INTJ which is probably the last thing I actually am.


Right, I think you'd best experiment then. Maybe sign for a camping trip if it comes along, or whatever circumstance allows. Some behavioural questions;
Do you (or would you) tend to stay near the walls of a room in a social situation?
Are you talkative and into gossip?
Do you enjoy solitary walks?
Do you (or would you) enjoy having a large circle of friends or rather interact with a select few closer friends?
Do you 'live inside your head'? Are you internally based? This is more of an S vs N question but it can relate.


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## LMEighmy (Sep 21, 2013)

If you're shy, you'll have a harder time trying to figure out if you're introverted or extroverted. Shy people tend to try to avoid people they don't know well, and often that's mistaken for introversion, but the two are not the same.

Taking shyness out of the equation:

An introvert will be comfortable around people, but in smaller groups or in one on one conversations, and they will be more apt to have deep conversations about things they find important and/or personal, and they will gain energy from quiet and solitude.

An extrovert will be comfortable around many people and will talk to anyone they can, and they will be more adept at small talk, rather than long, deep conversations, and they will gain energy from being around many.

And of course, there are varying degrees of introversion and extroversion in each person. I think I'm about 40% introvert and 60% extrovert (but add in the shyness, and the average person wouldn't see that extroversion for much of the time).

I've recently come to believe that I'm a shy ENFP. I care too much what other people think of me, and that often makes me afraid to speak up around people I don't know well. However, I can keep up a conversation someone starts with me if they can keep up their end. And being around people energizes me. However, I've learned to be alone without going crazy, too. I write, and getting to know my fictional characters helps in some weird way, as if I'm interacting with real people. But I've noticed that when my hubby comes home from work, I'm a non-stop chatterbox. I could chat all night if he'd let me.


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## Eddy Nigma (Sep 11, 2013)

Shyness has nothing to do with Introversion/Extroversion. This scale only denotes how you gain energy. Hence, extroverts gain it from being with people and interacting with the external world, while introverts gain it from being alone and from interacting with the internal world. There are shy extroverts and outgoing introverts. So assuming you're a shy extrovert and you mentioned people typed you as ESFP, you would gain energy in the presence of people despite your shyness. So you must determine how you feel when around people, do you feel more energized like you're going to explode? or drained as if your batteries started to run out and you begin withdrawing from the situation?


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## LMEighmy (Sep 21, 2013)

Eddy Nigma said:


> Shyness has nothing to do with Introversion/Extroversion. This scale only denotes how you gain energy. Hence, extroverts gain it from being with people and interacting with the external world, while introverts gain it from being alone and from interacting with the internal world. There are shy extroverts and outgoing introverts. So assuming you're a shy extrovert and you mentioned people typed you as ESFP, you would gain energy in the presence of people despite your shyness. So you must determine how you feel when around people, do you feel more energized like you're going to explode? or drained as if your batteries started to run out and you begin withdrawing from the situation?


Exactly! You said it better than I did.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Coeur deLion said:


> Some behavioural questions;
> Do you (or would you) tend to stay near the walls of a room in a social situation?
> Are you talkative and into gossip?
> Do you enjoy solitary walks?
> ...


I don't know where I'd stand, really.I'd probably hide if there were louder people around.
I'm moderately talkative, but I hate listening to others. I like gossip and I love to hate and be hated.I couldn't live without people who annoy me because then I couldn't be annoyed and share it with the world.I enjoy solitary walks as long as I'm feeling good.I like walking by myself and listening to empowering music.As for friends, I'm not sure.I don't really want friends, but I want to have a rich social life.I want to be that girl who has millions of admirers and envious girls around her.I want to be able not to think about my problems ever again which a real friend can't do in my opinion.And not to mention that anyone worth befriending would be way to needy and therefore would leave me as soon as they'd get to know me.


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## Eddy Nigma (Sep 11, 2013)

LMEighmy said:


> Exactly! You said it better than I did.


Oh I didn't see your post before, just did. Your's was more elaborate, I guess I just summed it up. You know you write pretty clearly for an ENFP. In a good portion of ENFP posts I see their thoughts flying around chaotically in the paragraph or the sentences even .


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## LMEighmy (Sep 21, 2013)

Eddy Nigma said:


> Oh I didn't see your post before, just did. Your's was more elaborate, I guess I just summed it up. You know you write pretty clearly for an ENFP. In a good portion of ENFP posts I see their thoughts flying around chaotically in the paragraph or the sentences even .


Haha! Well, I guess that's because I've learned to focus. I can sometimes focus so intensely on something that I'll forget to eat and, you know, pee.  But get me talking, and I'll jump from topic to topic. It's a wonder my hubby doesn't have whiplash or something equivalent.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

I'm confused about internal vs.external world thing.Does it apply to people only.Is watching sitcom marathons and eating candy internal or external?Or shopping and getting your hair/nails done? Where do those things fall? Because I swear, I'd do nothing but that for the rest of my life if I had enough money.I know it sounds stupid, but I'd literary just pamper myself, show myself off a little, maybe do some exercise or go on a trip every once in a while and then go home to "How I Met Your Mother" episodes and a box of chocolates.Or maybe I think so only because I never got an opportunity to really do that.I suppose it wouldn't kill me mentally as long as I didn't have time to think about it.I think I'm afraid of being as simple as I described it.


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## frayonka (Jan 3, 2013)

You seem to be pretty outwardly focused and that's really the thing that sets apart Es and Is, as others have pointed out already. So, extrovert.


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## LMEighmy (Sep 21, 2013)

frayonka said:


> You seem to be pretty outwardly focused and that's really the thing that sets apart Es and Is, as others have pointed out already. So, extrovert.


I have to agree. And I don't believe it has to be a people thing. Just focused externally, rather than internally. I'm not really one to think deep thoughts a lot of the time, though I'm certainly capable. I'd rather focus on light stuff and having fun and hanging out with people I care about. Meeting people's a little more tricky because I'm shy, but sometimes that's fun for me, too. 

And yeah, if I could spend a day shopping, then showing off, I'd do it in a heartbeat! Just need to get past the fear that people will think I'm odd or strange or whatever.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

frayonka said:


> You seem to be pretty outwardly focused and that's really the thing that sets apart Es and Is, as others have pointed out already. So, extrovert.


But can't outward focus and need for attention be a sign of low self esteem?How do I know would I be that way if I grew up in a normal household with normal parents and ended up developing high and stable self esteem?Would I still be extroverted, but in a more typical way or would I be more introverted?


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## LMEighmy (Sep 21, 2013)

Living dead said:


> But can't outward focus and need for attention be a sign of low self esteem?How do I know would I be that way if I grew up in a normal household with normal parents and ended up developing high and stable self esteem?Would I still be extroverted, but in a more typical way or would I be more introverted?


I think low self-esteem is a cause for shyness. It's something I've battled for most of my life.

I'd suggest you find several people you feel comfortable with, go out and have a good time with them, make small talk, interact. If it tires you out, you're most likely introverted. If it energizes you, your extroverted.

I did this this past weekend. Found I felt wired after spending time out talking and having a good time with several members of our family we only see about once a month. I decided to really interact, and I found that the experience energized me.

Just my two cents' worth.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

LMEighmy said:


> I think low self-esteem is a cause for shyness. It's something I've battled for most of my life.
> 
> I'd suggest you find several people you feel comfortable with, go out and have a good time with them, make small talk, interact. If it tires you out, you're most likely introverted. If it energizes you, your extroverted.
> 
> ...


I believe it's not as simple as you make it seem.If I didn't have low self esteem, not only I wouldn't be as shy, but I wouldn't need others to tell me who I am and what's my worth.I'm pretty positive that most 18 year old girls don't get on a verge of tears if some random guy doesn't check them out or feel almost suicidal when they start thinking how they are probably never gonna be world famous which are the things I regularly do.And when I go out with people to socialise I always end up attracting attention by acting disinterested and sulky because I lack better ways.It makes me feel good for a while, but then I get depressed when I realise I'm incapable of doing it any other way and I really don't know how else I could.I don't have exciting stories, no original thoughts and zero interest in their lives.Only thing I can do is be bitchy and hope they get offended enough to talk about it later.


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## LMEighmy (Sep 21, 2013)

Living dead said:


> I believe it's not as simple as you make it seem.If I didn't have low self esteem, not only I wouldn't be as shy, but I wouldn't need others to tell me who I am and what's my worth.I'm pretty positive that most 18 year old girls don't get on a verge of tears if some random guy doesn't check them out or feel almost suicidal when they start thinking how they are probably never gonna be world famous which are the things I regularly do.And when I go out with people to socialise I always end up attracting attention by acting disinterested and sulky because I lack better ways.It makes me feel good for a while, but then I get depressed when I realise I'm incapable of doing it any other way and I really don't know how else I could.I don't have exciting stories, no original thoughts and zero interest in their lives.Only thing I can do is be bitchy and hope they get offended enough to talk about it later.


I sit home all day writing. My life is a complete snorefest. But I have interests, and I have friends with a lot of the same interests. It gives us something to talk about.

And yeah, low self-esteem sucks. My self-esteem still needs work, and it probably always will. Things from years ago still hold me back. I'll always need affirmation from those I care about, but I'm getting closer to liking myself all the time. It's a gradual process.

I also get depressed sometimes when I think I'm not good enough, not interesting enough, not beautiful or smart or whatever enough. Or when I look at my life and see that I'm not where I want to be. Life is tough. We've got to be tougher.

I wish I could give you better advice. *hugs*


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## frayonka (Jan 3, 2013)

Living dead said:


> But can't outward focus and need for attention be a sign of low self esteem?How do I know would I be that way if I grew up in a normal household with normal parents and ended up developing high and stable self esteem?Would I still be extroverted, but in a more typical way or would I be more introverted?


That probably would have affected on your self-confidence/self esteem and therefore behavior, yes. But would it have critically affected on how you direct your energy and more importantly, where you get it from?

Now, what MBTI / similar personality theories are trying to describe is how our brain naturally works (=which are our primarily ways of dealing with things). While it's obvious that our experiences affect on our behavior, I don't believe they really change our type but rather the way and order in which we're utilizing our cognitive abilities. In fact, unbalanced development is pretty common reason for mistypings and confusion.

For me, you're still coming off as an extrovert with an (potentially over) active introverted secondary function, but ofc you're the only person who can really identify your best fit type in the end.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

frayonka said:


> That probably would have affected on your self-confidence/self esteem and therefore behavior, yes. But would it have critically affected on how you direct your energy and more importantly, where you get it from?
> 
> Now, what MBTI / similar personality theories are trying to describe is how our brain naturally works (=which are our primarily ways of dealing with things). While it's obvious that our experiences affect on our behavior, I don't believe they really change our type but rather the way and order in which we're utilizing our cognitive abilities. In fact, unbalanced development is pretty common reason for mistypings and confusion.
> 
> For me, you're still coming off as an extrovert with an (potentially over) active introverted secondary function, but ofc you're the only person who can really identify your best fit type in the end.


I really can't find my type.I tried a couple of times and once even came up with INTJ and I think you already know me enough to see it probably isn't me at all, I just wanted it to be.
And I really don't understand how introverts think.Do they care about popularity/being seen as something as much as extroverts or less? And what do they get from interaction with others?


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

Living dead said:


> Personality types are like horoscope.I can relate to anything if I try hard enough.I 'change' my type all the time depending on what people said about me, how I responded to a situation, how people responded to me, etc.I also tend to act the way people expect me to act, say things people expect me to say, 'fake' a personality I'd like to have and things like that.I get lost in all that and don't know who I really am because I've haven't really been 'myself' since I was a little kid and eve then I was shy and insecure so I acted unnaturally.


Woah wait. Just because you don't know who you are doesn't mean MBTI is like an horoscope. You even said you can trick yourself into thinking you are a different person than who you actually are, of course you may feel you belong to many types! Get to know yourself and then come back.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Pancreatic Pandora said:


> Woah wait. Just because you don't know who you are doesn't mean MBTI is like an horoscope. You even said you can trick yourself into thinking you are a different person than who you actually are, of course you may feel you belong to many types! Get to know yourself and then come back.


I didn't mean it like that.I was talking about myself only and not about MBTI in general.When I read type descriptions it's like horoscope because I can relate to anything that suits me at the moment.And I know I don't know myself, I basically said it myself.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

Living dead said:


> I didn't mean it like that.I was talking about myself only and not about MBTI in general.When I read type descriptions it's like horoscope because I can relate to anything that suits me at the moment.And I know I don't know myself, I basically said it myself.


Alright. I do think you are the case of a shy extrovert. I mean if you were an introvert wouldn't you know yourself better due to introspection? (although you are young, right? That likely has to do with it too) An extrovert, on the other hand, focuses more on the external world. Maybe even when you are alone you don't really introspect and just do stuff. An introvert can be concerned with their external image, though.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Pancreatic Pandora said:


> Alright. I do think you are the case of a shy extrovert. I mean if you were an introvert wouldn't you know yourself better due to introspection? (although you are young, right? That likely has to do with it too) An extrovert, on the other hand, focuses more on the external world. Maybe even when you are alone you don't really introspect and just do stuff. An introvert can be concerned with their external image, though.


How successful does introspection have to be for a person to be called introspective? Because I've been a bit depressed lately so introspected a lot, but all my thoughts seem to be very unoriginal.I just can't tell anything about myself if it hasn't been told by someone else before so I just keep provoking people to say things about me (both good and bad).I also developed a habit of going to forums to write about my 'problems' so people would tell me who I am based on what I write.That's how I got interested in MBTI.I know it's not some magic tool that tells you everything you need to know, but it's good enough for now.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

Living dead said:


> How successful does introspection have to be for a person to be called introspective? Because I've been a bit depressed lately so introspected a lot, but all my thoughts seem to be very unoriginal.I just can't tell anything about myself if it hasn't been told by someone else before so I just keep provoking people to say things about me (both good and bad).I also developed a habit of going to forums to write about my 'problems' so people would tell me who I am based on what I write.That's how I got interested in MBTI.I know it's not some magic tool that tells you everything you need to know, but it's good enough for now.


That's strange, I never had anyone tell me they introspected and their thoughts seemed "unoriginal". I don't really know what to say to you but I'll think about it. Btw, have you considered going to therapy?


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Pancreatic Pandora said:


> That's strange, I never had anyone tell me they introspected and their thoughts seemed "unoriginal". I don't really know what to say to you but I'll think about it. Btw, have you considered going to therapy?


Unoriginal in a way that somebody else planted them in my mind and I'm just sitting there for hours thinking about the same thing I know nothing about.Like, I read the diagnostic criteria for something because someone mentioned some of the symptoms when describing me, relate to it, go to forums, don't relate to some of the things so I make myself relate more.When I find a personality trait that I definitely have, I desperately cling to it no matter how bad it might be and then I have to act so it wouldn't get lost again.Is it really that strange? 
And yes, I thought about going to therapy, but I think it's a bad idea at the moment, mostly because of things I mentioned above.Maybe I'll go next year when I finish high school and get into college.


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## electricky (Feb 18, 2011)

Yeah, most people are in the middle of the two and only slightly lean towards I or E. You may just be looking at it too behaviorally so far though. I'd start with framing it as more of a question like "do I lean to being more of an inward person or more of an outward person?"


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

ElectricSparkle said:


> Yeah, most people are in the middle of the two and only slightly lean towards I or E. You may just be looking at it too behaviorally so far though. I'd start with framing it as more of a question like "do I lean to being more of an inward person or more of an outward person?"


I look at it too behaviourally because that's the only way I can.But still,I think I'm gonna choose a messed up extrovert, it seems to be a better fit although I always considered myself introverted (back then when I didn't know what it really means).


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## QwertyCTRL (Dec 31, 2020)

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