# When I have time, I write



## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

I used to write a whole lot more, but I've been pretty busy with school these days. I have to be at peace to write, and it's hard to maintain that with the stress of classwork and graduating in a few weeks. Still, I've got some stuff to share, if people would like to read and offer critiques. ^.^;; 

Some poetry first! All of my stuff is untitled.
_
When I close my eyes,
I want to see
The calming swells of a windswept sea.
When I listen closely,
I want to hear
The swirling waters of a churning river.
When I breathe in deeply,
I want to smell
The salt soaked waves of the deepest ocean.
When I lay in the sun,
I want to feel
The cooling touch of dew damp grass.
When I hold you close,
I have all that I want
And a flood of peace flows through my heart._

This one is a little cliche in terms of poetry I suppose, but it has a lot of meaning for me.

_The white of her wings was barely marred
By the dripping blood or feathers torn.
They only served as memories past
A pain not quite forgotten.

I held her tightly, breathing in
The sweetness of her skin.
I kissed her lips, soft and smooth
And felt her yield before my need.

This glorious creature offered herself
My only hope, my only love.
I pulled her close to make her mine
Always with me, by my side.

My desperate need consumed her whole
She gave her heart, more than willing
To hold my life, to save my soul
My loving angel, my blazing star.

My gaze fell on her tear soaked cheeks
And there I saw within her face
My need was mirrored, if not more.
I smiled softly as her eyes grew wide
For wings of my own, black as night
Swept around her, a sweet embrace.


_


----------



## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

I especially like the first one. Both of them are beautiful and I can relate.


----------



## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Beautiful poems, both of them.


----------



## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

Thanks for the compliments guys.  

This is the beginning of a short story I was working on a few months ago. I haven't found much motivation to continue it. I'd be interested in people's evaluation of my writing style... 

  “Caramel macchiato please.” The man behind the bar smiled before replying. “Sure, no problem Ange. Go ahead and sit down, I'll bring it out to you.” Angela returned his smile before making her way back to her favorite booth. She came to this little cafe frequently and always sat in the same place. A few times there had been someone in her seat when she came in, but a winning smile and a few sweet words were enough to move most people. When that failed, she stood against the wall until the person left. Angela always enjoyed watching the person squirm as they tried to decide what to do. 
 Angela sighed with pleasure as she slid into the booth, eager to finally be out of work. She'd been running around all day doing the typical mindless errands of a secretary. Office work was the most awful and boring career she could have ever imagined doing, but she stuck to it because she was good at it. Efficient, as her boss would say. Closing her eyes, Angela leaned back against the seat and relished the soothing atmosphere she always found in this place. The booth was situated in the back of the cafe, and it was basically secluded. It was her favorite place to think.

 
 “Hey Ange! Got your coffee here.” Angela opened her eyes and smiled gratefully as she took the cup from his outstretched hands. 

 
“Thanks for bringing it to me, Charlie. You really didn't have to go to all that trouble, you know.” 

 
“Nonsense, woman. I know you've been working all day.” He glanced down at her high heeled shoes and grimaced.

 
 “Ugh, and in shoes like that. Sometimes I wonder how you female folk can stand to torture yourselves with all that fancy footwear. Give me a good pair of tennis shoes any day.”

 
 Angela patted his hand before taking a sip of her steaming coffee. “We're just made of tougher stuff than all you boys, Charlie. Don't you worry about my shoes, or my feet. They're both just fine.” Charlie chuckled as he walked away. Angela resumed her relaxed position against the booth. She continued to drink her coffee with her eyes closed, a skill she'd perfected long ago. The music filtering through the speakers lulled her to contentment and she quickly found herself lost in idle thoughts and fantasies of the way she sometimes wished her life was going. 
 Nick had been watching her for quite some time. He'd come in shortly after she'd sat down and had seen her immediately. When he saw the tenseness flow out of her body, he quickly made the decision to approach her. If he didn't do it now he could lose his chance and the element of surprise and he didn't want that.


----------



## HannibalLecter (Apr 18, 2010)

I do, too. Not poetry - I prefer short stories and novellas.


----------



## Midnight Runner (Feb 14, 2010)

Both of the poems and the story seem quite good.:happy:


----------



## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

Buhhhh! That is not a critique! There must be something about it you don't like, or think I should change.


----------



## Solace (Jan 12, 2010)

That's very interesting prose, Ms. Lady K. The top most prose is particularly interesting and could be a masterful poem with a little rhyming structure amended to it.

I'm always interested to see what other people are writing, so I will have to check back.


----------



## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

Spades said:


> That's very interesting prose, Ms. Lady K. The top most prose is particularly interesting and could be a masterful poem with a little rhyming structure amended to it.
> 
> I'm always interested to see what other people are writing, so I will have to check back.


 

I've always found rhyming pretty difficult. I don't like my word usage to be restricted. I've tried it once or twice, but I just can't get the right words to come out. Thanks for the thoughts though.


----------



## Midnight Runner (Feb 14, 2010)

Lady K said:


> Buhhhh! That is not a critique! There must be something about it you don't like, or think I should change.


Fine, then.

The story seems like it's shaping up to be a romance book. Make it an action story. I think that would make it much better. :wink:

You happy now? :tongue:


----------



## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

SpacemonkeyX said:


> Fine, then.
> 
> The story seems like it's shaping up to be a romance book. Make it an action story. I think that would make it much better.




I am happy! Do you generally prefer action to romance? What if I told you that it's not quite a love story, but more of an erotic fiction?  Does your opinion change?


----------



## Midnight Runner (Feb 14, 2010)

Lady K said:


> I am happy! Do you generally prefer action to romance? What if I told you that it's not quite a love story, but more of an erotic fiction?  Does your opinion change?



Erotic, you say...Hmmm...I think I could deal with that. :tongue:

But seriously, yeah, I do tend to enjoy more action type stories than romance. Though my absolute favorite book was God Emperor of Dune since it just has such excellent word play in it.

Though if you are able to make it seem reasonable then I think I could enjoy the story. That is my main complaint with most romance novels: way to cheesy and unrealistic. They all seem to be for the middle-aged woman in a bad to middling marriage that wants an escape from reality into what they wish their real life could be. I mean, if you wanted that, just read a fantasy/science fiction novel, way cooler stuff happens in those books.

Sorry, got off onto a bit of a rant there. Anyways, I hope you got my point, because I sure forgot it. :crazy:


----------



## mitochondrialdreaming (Apr 20, 2010)

I'm curious as to how much of your own personality is imbued into Angela. 

And btw, I extremely enjoyed...

"When I breathe in deeply,
I want to smell
The salt soaked waves of the deepest ocean."


----------



## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

mitochondrialdreaming said:


> I'm curious as to how much of your own personality is imbued into Angela.
> 
> And btw, I extremely enjoyed...





Whether you're perceptive, or just guessing, your curiosity is on the right track. Angela is a somewhat idealistic version of myself. The story itself is a request from a friend that I create a fictional story of what a scene in our lives might be like if we had met five years ago. It's somewhat unrealistic because five years ago I was under the age of twenty, but the point was really just to create a story between us that might have come true if our lives were different than they are today.




mitochondrialdreaming said:


> "When I breathe in deeply,
> I want to smell
> The salt soaked waves of the deepest ocean."




 
I'm glad you enjoyed that section. It's probably my favorite part too. I never really understood the joys of the ocean until I moved to Florida.


----------



## mitochondrialdreaming (Apr 20, 2010)

You're very evident within the forums, the association was natural =)


----------



## saturnbug (Jan 11, 2010)

keep writing, i really do enjoy it.


----------

