# Fi showing emotion



## sea cucumber (Oct 14, 2010)

I have real trouble reading Fi.

I have several primary and secondary users in my life and uless the emotion is LOVE it can be very hard to read them. 

They don't emote very much and can apear cold and selfish when I know hey are wonderfull people.

How can I tell how they are feeling?

Fi users how do you show it?

How do you know when an Fi cares about you?

What is the best way to treat Fi users in conflict?

how do you see Fe users?

What are your experiences with Fi users?

Thanks :wink:


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## 3053 (Oct 14, 2009)

I think Extroverted users of Fi generally show it. 

I'm often afraid to show my emotions, mostly because I'm just not comfortable with doing so by nature, but also because I son't want to appear selfish/self absorbed to others. Whenever I do show it, I just feel too ''memememememememe'' and that's not really a good thing...

I used to be close to an ENFP who would constantly have to put her own personal feelings and values out on the table, regardless of others. I have to admit, I can be pretty self absorbed at times, but this girl was too much for me. When she heard of other family members/friends remark on how demanding, spoiled and selfish she was she really just didn't see it in herself, but I guess I'm going into a whole other topic of pollyanna perception here...

I like Fe users, Fe compliments Fi well. Fe gives you that security blanket, although it can be too overpowering from time to time and I don't like how forceful Fe users can occasionally be with their ''shoulds'', ''_WE_ have to...'' etc.

Fi users and conflict? That's a hard one. Be there for them at first, listen and be patient. After you've devoted your attention, make them realize that they're going to have to sort some things out on their own just as much; encourage them to view the world as a huge collective of people.


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## Eric B (Jun 18, 2010)

The difference between you and the ENFP is likely that with Fi as dominant, it is primarily for you (your ego), while int he auxiliary position, it deals more with the person's relationship to others. It's the "support" function, that supports their dominant, and then they use it to try to support others, and it may come off as putting personal feelings out on the table. They subconsciously hope it will help others, even though it might not. (I'm the same way with Ne, and it's not the attitude of the function that determines this, but rather the position in the ego. F also isn't emotion, though an F preference, and _of either attitude_, might make you more in tune with them).


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

sea cucumber said:


> I have real trouble reading Fi.
> 
> I have several primary and secondary users in my life and uless the emotion is LOVE it can be very hard to read them.
> 
> ...


I could be sitting in a room mulling over a multitude of feeling concerns, and generally I would be silent. I tend not to talk much or elaborate on my values, notions of the world, my emotional state. I don't always feel a tide of strong emotions. Though I tend to be continuously contemplative over something or another. Usually people don't know what's going on in my mind, and if I express an emotion it would probably seem subtle on the outside, unless I randomly explode. I don't really do expansive emotional displays; my emotions are deep; particular things resonate more with me than others. Deep emotions make me silent, and I generally don't feel so compelled to indulge in them with others. I think my feelings and emotions are like the hidden rips of a sea. I can be animated when I speak though, and generally I just see expressing emotion conversationally as normal communication. 

It never occurred to me to "express" my deep down emotions or my own feeling judgments. I keep them contained.
I think I would reserve that "sharing" for people close enough that they actually feel like a part of me. Or at least I feel some attachment to them. Generally I only desire to experience these things within myself on my own self, so it makes sense that I have to feel close enough to somebody to take them into my world. Even then it would probably be sporadic. I am not continuously open. 

If you would like to know how I felt, if I was close enough to you, I wouldn't mind being non invasively probed, because generally people misinterpret or misunderstand me if they guess. I don't expect to be mind read, and if I don't communicate my feelings with you, that is my concern (something for me to work on). Fostering communication is perhaps the only route. 

It is not a habit of mine to go to people and talk about feelings, and generally I will only go there when I am emotionally intimate with someone. I have only felt that intimacy with around 4 people (or less) in my life, so I am generally not willing to discuss feelings or emotions with other people, in general. Most people aren't interested in how I really feel, and I am not interested in humouring them.

Sorry I didn't answer the other questions, i'm not sure I have answers for them...


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## under skies (Jun 9, 2010)

I generally don't express my emotions much, particularly if they're negative, or I try to stop myself from doing so, rather, because, to me, that feels like a very indulgent, egotistical thing (although, I rarely see it this way when others express their emotions). Additionally, to keep things to myself allows me to feel more in control of my emotions, and that way I can focus more on the present and on how others are feeling. When I start trying to communicate what I'm feeling to other people, things can get very messy, and I start to feel a little overwhelmed because if I'm making the effort, I _really_ want people to understand me. I'm not going to make myself that vulnerable to someone unless I seriously trust them and I believe they genuinely care about my feelings. If I get any hint that someone I'm communicating with is not interested in what I have to say, I immediately shut down.

I don't know about other Fi users, but I think I show affection for others just by opening up more around them, especially by sharing my personal thoughts and musings with them. I'm a little insecure about my perceived logical deficiencies. I'm afraid I won't realize something is stupid or completely illogical until after I've said it. But, I mean, I have all of these thoughts and ideas in my head, and I like to share what's important or exciting to me with people I trust and care about. (Additionally, whether or not people always realize it, almost everything elicits an emotional reaction with me. Anything I'm talking about--it's somehow emotionally significant to me.) And, then, if I make an effort to see or speak with someone, I think that means quite a bit, as, honestly... I, personally, can have a lot of self-doubt in those kinds of situations. There are other indicators, of course, but those are the most subtle, I think.

In conflict situations, I mostly want my feelings, my thoughts, and my opinions to be respected, whether or not I ultimately get my way. When I'm upset about something, I'm generally not looking for a solution or advice (I constantly re-evaluate my options). Generally, I just want my feelings validated, and then everything's cool. Tell me I don't have the right to feel a certain way, and, again, I'm probably going to back off or shut down.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

I wouldn't say I avoid being emotional due to coming off as arrogant strictly although that does play a part. Its quite simple really, I just don't want to be seen crying in front of others, its too much self exposure and considering the constant flux of my emotions, I darn't express myself emotionally so spontaneously although expressing emotions is not stictly off the list, though something like anger I may express in a low key way if my values have been attacked, upping the 'anti' if the attacking is persistant. I don't do it often but when I do, other people seem a bit shocked and in a way, a little taken a back myself.


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

I actually think I am very good at imitating Fe for the most part, I use it mostly in interviews or whenever I feel a person is more hesitant to say or disclose something. However it is very draining and tiring to do this. I couldn't imagine doing it all the time in my every day life. I think it's just too much to telegraph every single feeling I am feeling internally outwardly -- so I use a sort of contemplative look as my default which can seem bland or voided of emotion sometimes. I also think Fi will show love in more subtle or overt ways then Fe would. My ENTP friend for instance showed me that he cared about me by buying me a cup of coffee even though I didn't ask for it. It was a gesture of thanks. My reaction was to put on a tv show that I know he adores. We both showed each other that we cared about the other one, but his was more outwardly demonstrative while mine was more covert. You won't know what Fi is feeling unless they feel compelled to show it, which is just not likely with introverted feeling. Fi by definition doesn't disclose it's principals or thoughts/feelings. When Fi is more comfortable and receives knowledge that one cares then it is more likely to open up. I think Fi-doms won't tell you they care unless they know that you want them to care or that you are open to it. Fi doesn't like pushing feelings onto others. They want others to feel it as well and accept it. 

Fi in conflict is hard, Fi can withdraw from the source of conflict or it can erupt and neither are good. I would say if you pushed a Fi-type to far then you have kind of backed yourself into a dangerous corner. 

As to Fe users I think they can be incredibly warm when healthy, very helpful and open. If they are unhealthy I think they use their emotions to bully and try to push their feelings onto you and make you feel a certain way. At the same time Fi can be incredibly healthy in being completely selfless in that they won't push your thoughts or opinions on you, but at the same time they can be incredibly selfish and only think about their problems and how they relate to them and not others. Flip side of both feeling preferences.


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## DreamStepper (Feb 27, 2012)

sea cucumber said:


> I have real trouble reading Fi.
> 
> I have several primary and secondary users in my life and uless the emotion is LOVE it can be very hard to read them.
> 
> ...



I typically don't show my feelings. If someone asks, and I feel like I should tell them, I can't. I have the profoundly deeply felt feeling inside of me... and you know what came out of my mouth? "I like you. I really like you." It also sounded like I was trying to convince myself that. :sad: Yeah. That was me a couple of days ago to my "boyfriend." He's a dominant Fe user, spilling out his love for me while I only can say that. Depressing.

When I say "I typically don't show my feelings" well, I can't remember the last time I did. I only get emotional in that sense when something upsets me greatly. 

My Fe "boyfriend" is like an open book. Seriously. I always know exactly how he is feeling, and it's actually pretty nice. I feel bad for him having to deal with the vagueness of my emotions.:frustrating:

This is a quote from him.
Me: "how do you know I care about you?"
Him: "I know by the way you talk to me. They way we hug. And how you expressed some of those feelings on the island.(apparently it's a big deal for me to say I like you)


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## LiquidLight (Oct 14, 2011)

Also this isn't just a Fi-thing but rather a Feeling thing. Strong Feeling types of either orientation are adept at controlling how expressive they are. Extraverted Feeling types can come off as cold and distant just as much as Introverted Feeling types, because the nature of dominant Feeling is its calculated and controlled nature (whereas the Feeling of a Thinking types is much more raw and uncalculated, expressiveness of Thinking types often just erupts, sometimes without them even knowing why or what to do about it).


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

It seems to be the case that dominant F types in general are sort of the masters of coming off like they are greatly aware of both the Fe and Fi function attitudes, due to the "empathetic, understanding" nature of feeling - much more so than Te and Ti dominants seem to come off as in tune with both thinking attitudes.


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

> Extraverted Feeling types can come off as cold and distant


It's a wonder I see so many mistypes of EXFJs as EXTJs around here.  So many people viewing Fe through a very limited behavioral scope (e.g. the peppy cheerleader stereotypes, bubbly people, etc.)


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## Eric B (Jun 18, 2010)

JungyesMBTIno said:


> It seems to be the case that dominant F types in general are sort of the masters of coming off like they are greatly aware of both the Fe and Fi function attitudes, due to the "empathetic, understanding" nature of feeling - much more so than Te and Ti dominants seem to come off as in tune with both thinking attitudes.


I don't know about the comparison between T and F types, but if one attitude is dominant, than the other is "backup", so both attitudes will tend to come up for the person.


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## Jewl (Feb 28, 2012)

I honestly don't know. I've never quite understood the whole thing about Fi "hiding" feelings. I know that for me, I usually look generally cheerful. I mull over what I'm feeling a lot, always trying to get to the bottom of them. I know that the last thing people would tell me is that I come off as cold or selfish. Those two words make me shiver and really prick me. If there's one thing I try not to be, it's being selfish... I know I fail at that sometimes. I wouldn't like to think Fi makes me have a tendency to be more self centered. O_O 

If I'm feeling something, it's not as though I'm consciously trying to hide what I'm feeling. Now that I think about it, I guess I can be harder to read than other people. I notice when I am analyzing negative feelings, I just have the "mulling things over" look. I'm not frowning, I may be smiling faintly. I probably just look thoughtful. My mom is particularly good at knowing my general mood. My brother and sister can be a bit oblivious. XD When I'm with my good friends, I have a tendency to wear my feelings outside me more. I'm more obviously happy. 

Chances are, if I'm feeling something "important", I will most certainly show you. I know that when I really become somebody's friend and want to show them I'm getting "closer", I will be more open about my deeper feelings. It's pretty easy to tell when I care about someone (not that I'm dominant Fi). I simply will be their friend. @JungyesMBTIno, what is this about Fi "hiding" feelings and Fe wearing the feelings openly? @[email protected] I've heard about this before, but I'm not entirely sure how to interpret that. 

In conflict, I think it depends upon the Fi-user. For me, usually I can already smell conflict coming a mile away and try and direct things away from it. I will take on the role of the Diplomat. I hate conflict and I hate getting somebody angry. I can't speak for all Fi users, though. How best to treat an Fi user in conflict? I couldn't tell you. If you get into conflict, try hard to get out of it is all I can tell you. XD

Fe users are awesome. The end. One of my best friends is an ENFJ and we are actually similar in many ways. I know some Fi users complain about Fe, and how they really clash, but I think Fe and Fi work well together in different people. One is not more "shallow" than the other. 

As for experiences with Fi-users... Umm... Hi? XD I actually know more Fe users at the moment than Fi users. The Fi users I do know I can definitely say I am drawn to.


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## Eric B (Jun 18, 2010)

@Julia Bell I think there is primarily one source (close to Berens/Nardi, and drawing upon their behavior-focused definitions) that has really promoted the whole "Fi=hiding emotions; selfish, uncaring; Fe=showing emotions, selfless, caring, etc." stereotype. This from someone who promotes themselves as a "caring" Fe type, and subtly casts Fi and Te in negative lights. 

While the functional preference might shape behavior, the difference between the orientation is really the standard of judgment. The extraverted attitude merges the subject with the object, while the introverted attitude subtracts from the object all that is not relevant to the subject's blueprint.

When dealing with Feeling, there is one set of data defined, and that is that which deals with our humanity, or what makes us "persons". Hence, stuff like values and ethics and our relations to others. That opposed to impersonal ("technical") factors, or tangible or conceptual perception. 
So both Fe and Fi will deal with the same things, and lead to similar behaviors, only one will tend to draw directly upon the external object (such as a local group), while the other draws on an internalized sense of the same things. Both can produce "caring", "sharing", displaying emotions, etc.

Now, for dom. Fi (IFP's), it may seem more like the stereotypical portrayal of "hiding feelings", because of the _introversion_ (and the resulting "Behind the Scenes" Interaction Style). But for EFP's, they will look just as expressive as any other extravert.


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## Jewl (Feb 28, 2012)

Eric B said:


> @Julia Bell I think there is primarily one source (close to Berens/Nardi, and drawing upon their behavior-focused definitions) that has really promoted the whole "Fi=hiding emotions; selfish, uncaring; Fe=showing emotions, selfless, caring, etc." stereotype. This from someone who promotes themselves as a "caring" Fe type, and subtly casts Fi and Te in negative lights.
> 
> While the functional preference might shape behavior, the difference between the orientation is really the standard of judgment. The extraverted attitude merges the subject with the object, while the introverted attitude subtracts from the object all that is not relevant to the subject's blueprint.
> 
> ...


Ah, thank you. I simply noticed that the way Fe was described a lot was starting to bother me. On cognitive functions tests (not accurate, I know), I always score fairly high on Fe simply because I have the tendency to be "caring" (not to brag). And that annoys me a bit.  So the "hiding" is more introversion than anything else. That makes sense. ^_^


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

Here is a great article on Fi use as an inferior function. The article explains that for inferior Fi users, it presents as emotions; for dominant Fi users, it presents as a refined value system. A value system isn't going to necessarily "show" the way an emotional response might.

http://personalitycafe.com/entj-articles/95932-form-inferior-function-fi.html

*Effective dominant Introverted Feeling types use a finely developed awareness of their inner values as a reliable guide for judging themselves and others. In the grip of inferior Introverted Feeling, Extraverted Thinking types become hypersensitive to their own and others emotions, often misinterpreting comments from others as personal criticism. In their dominant approach, they typically interpret objectively offered criticism by respected colleagues as an appropriate means to promote excellence. In the grip of their inferior Introverted Feeling, they may easily take offense and overreact to such criticism.*

Additionally, I have read that Fi is actually more closely related to empathy (feeling FOR someone by imagining what they might be feeling) because it's more internal and "self" related. Fe I read is more related to sympathy (feeling sorry for others) because it's more external and about others. I also read that both can be understood and used regardless of Fe or Fi dominance. So an Fe user can understand sympathy and empathy, just as an Fi user can.

This is how I understand it: 
Fi: I feel for this person because I can imagine what I would be feeling if I were experiencing this.
Fe: I feel for this person because he is clearly hurting inside. 

However, both can understand either of the above examples, it's just a matter of what they use more.


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## Eric B (Jun 18, 2010)

Forgot to mention, on that point, that a lot of these definitions of Fi seem to be coming from Thinking types, who experience the "less mature" side of it (tertiary-"childish"; inferior, Trickster or Demon), and this is what's coloring those descriptions. But it is completely different when "preferred" and mature, for an FP.


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

I personally think that Fe/sympathy is more genuinely caring than Fi/empathy, because what if the Fi user puts themself in the other person's shoes and can't relate with how the person is reacting? Here's a good example...

A girl is crying because she didn't get the raise she hoped for at work.

Fi user: Tries to empathize, but doesn't relate because she wouldn't personally be upset about this. So she mimicks Fe by showing care for the girl's feelings even though she doesn't relate.

Fe user: Regardless of whether or not she would personally be upset by this, she genuinely feels for the girl and comforts her.

As an ENFP, I relate heavily with the Fi user response in this example. The Fe user example is what my ENFJ Sister is like. She is far more genuinely caring than I am, but I am still very caring. I just don't have as much patience if I can't relate; my Sister seems to be able to genuinely care (if someone is hurting) no matter what.


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

Eric B said:


> Forgot to mention, on that point, that a lot of these definitions of Fi seem to be coming from Thinking types, who experience the "less mature" side of it (tertiary-"childish"; inferior, Trickster or Demon), and this is what's coloring those descriptions. But it is completely different when "preferred" and mature, for an FP.


So true! I think it's important to understand that the position of each function is going to affect a person differently. So an inferior Fi user might view it as toxic and thus imagine an Fi Dom as living in a toxic function creating an overly emotional mess. This isn't the case when it's in a dominant or even auxiliary position. 

For me, Si is "toxic"; when I am gripped in it, I feel lost, depressed, dark, etc. because it is my inferior function. This could easily cause me to relate those feelings with an Si Dom as being all of those things, but that is totally false perception. In fact, the affects of Si on them are far different than the affects on me, and Ne is toxic for them when they are in its grip. My Ne combined with Si can create a dynamic where I see the possibilities, but they are all negative, or never change. It might make me not even be able to see the possibilities, blinding me in a way. This is not how it works for Si doms at all, so I can't apply my awareness of Si to how they use it. I have to read about how they use it if I want to understand the way it works for them


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## Eric B (Jun 18, 2010)

Enfpleasantly said:


> I personally think that Fe/sympathy is more genuinely caring than Fi/empathy, because what if the Fi user puts themself in the other person's shoes and can't relate with how the person is reacting? Here's a good example...
> 
> A girl is crying because she didn't get the raise she hoped for at work.
> 
> ...


 The point there, is that he still "shows" care anyway. His source of care would be the "universal" condition of pain, which he knows internally, and also knows is experienced by others. This is the internal or "subjective" standard; where the Fe preferrer merges with or adds herself directly to the external objects; in this case, "relating" to the situations whether she personally feels it or not.

It would also be a good point to reiterate right-brain alternatives; where even though Fe, as "inferior" might be on the "ego-syntonic" side for me; if Ti cannot help with such a situation (which it often can't), I might switch to an "Fi" perspective first (which bears the same "P" nature; thus J/P are a legitimate standalone personality factor). This is good to know, as it helps sort out the TP/FP uncertainty many people have, and is reflected in the cognitive process test.

Fe is "inferior", which means that I don't think I'm good at it, so I feel the sense that I "should" comfort the person (hence, "aspiring" to Fe); but how can I, being that Ti is may main viewpoint? So at that point, the next closest function is the opposite one sharing the dominant orientation. And this too will be uncomfortable, and usually not come out as "caring" as the FP's response.


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