# So what exactly IS a male INFJ?



## PurpleApple

My boyfriend is an infj. He doesn't appear girly at all in a professional or business like setting. I don't find him unmasculine.. He does tend to have more friends who are female or males who are intellectual types.


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## Bardo

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? *

TIME FOR A RANT BECAUSE I AM ANGRY TODAY FOR NO REASON.

Well hardly anyone thinks like I do for better or worse, I think I get to see a lot other people don't. It's quite fun but forget trying to explain half of it. This is the world according to my specialist perception.

Imagine if people didn't go to the dentist or brush their teeth, there would be gaps and black stumps in everyone's smiles and their breath would reek of dog shit. Being near them would be a chore and they would be undeniably disgusting, they would cause themselves massive problems in their lives. 

Now imagine if psychological health was nonexistent. It is! Past age 15 or so peoples brains just freeze in place. Our society champions the id, the ego and the individual, creating a kind of person incapable of proper communication, growth or deep thought, without knowledge of what they really want or who they even really are. I rarely observe even a healthy platonic relationship or minor social gathering, don't get me started on some families or romantic scenarios. I could spit pure venom for days, I can rage when just overhearing everyday conversations. I think there is a pandemic of people holding onto reality with a fingernail, constructing their entire minds out of paper thin televised content. Everything revolves around momentary satisfaction and entertainment, fanatical worship of the id and ego. I feel like I'm living in the place where no one has teeth, I think our civilization is eroding it's right to exist as it erodes it's ability for it's units to actually operate like humans.

I went for 5 years barely speaking to anyone and I'm better for it, I think we've reached that level as a species, it's chronic. I think we're in the middle of the biggest crisis we've ever encountered but it's too subtle for most people to even understand the explanation of it. I think the fact that we've explored space before properly visiting the bottom of the ocean is reminiscent of how we have developed astounding influence but have no internal compass whatsoever.
I am actually optimistic, I think widespread type knowledge especially could set off a chain of events that would change things forever. Technology has ascended to Godlike status and will fill in some of the hole it's dug but unless we shatter the soul emptying illusion we maintain it won't count for anything. I think if people just stopped watching T.V half of our problems would practically vanish.

INHALE.


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## Bluegil

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?
I usually appear as a quiet person. I wait for said person to initiate a conversation, which is when I really get to know what they're like by scanning their face, reading their movements and looking into their eyes. I know it sounds a little weird, but I do that all in a matter of a small conversation. 
Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are?
Most see me as a funny, outgoing, sweet guy. 
Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?
Haha yeah my father and brother think I act a little feminine, but that's understandable. Some of my friends always poke fun at my insight and emotion, and ask if I'm gay. But it's all out of jest, nothing to make me mad.
2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
I'm more open to them. I also start to slowly reveal my sentiment and insights. I like to have deep conversations. I also stay calm and try to explain why the way I am. I start to be more outgoing with them, but also let them know that I'm going to need my alone time. 
3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?
Ummm...I just found out that my 2 girls from my high school are INFJ. I got along well with them. From what I can remember, we got along really well. I'm closer with one of them now. For some reason, they would say I'm sweet, funny, and a nice guy. I don't know. We just meshed real well. 
4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
I love writingi, listening to music, singing. Also love watching football and talking about it. I like the outdoors. I love to camp, go on walks, and just sit and watch nature around me. I love road trips and fishing! Both are very peaceful. 
5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
My guy friends are guys who are funny and smart. I like hanging out with people who are goal-oriented. I also tend to mesh well with guys who have can express their feelings when having a one-one conversation, even if I'm the only one they tell. Also, I find that I like extroverts because they keep me alive. I like intellectual, mature guys. I mean, if they like to goof around I will hang out with them and possibly befriend them, but it's how they are living their life, the potential they have, and why they are doing the stuff they're doing. If I see some guy who wants to do good stuff for his future, or wants to but doesn't know how, I will definitely befriend him. 
When it comes to women, tend to connect with the feelers.
6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 
It's fun. I'm special. It's an advantage because you earn the trust of women better and it's easier to befriend them. However, most people will view you as a softy, but that's fine, I don't need people like that with me. 
7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
Meh...I'm content with them. I do well to fit the stereotypes to a certain extent. I feel like I'm a mixed gender at times, due to the stereotypes.


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## Van Meter

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Mysterious, hard to read, reserved, intriguing to some, possibly aloof to others, possibly nice(my eyes show that I am not hostile). Definitely not perceived as feminine or weak, that has not much to do with type, that has to do with character, maturity, lifestyle, worldview, etc. If anyone thinks I'm not masculine they can kiss my ass, they don't know me. In a culture where masculinity is pretty much warped any ways, I don't care.

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?

Funny, kind. It takes a bit long for me to really open up, and it matters a great deal who you are. I like Enfps a lot, they tend to make me open up quick, same for a good Entp. Any ways, this is only me speaking, I've had a ****ed up life, and I'm pretty guarded and indifferent at heart to like 80% of humanity. My Fe can make me function and seem like I care more than I do. Back to your question, I can't answer that very well, I don't know how I am going to be in a given situation typically because too many variables and who I am with.

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

Hard to say, I don't know any Infjs. I would imagine testosterone vs estrogen might matter

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?

Me as the center of my universe, that's my hobby and interest. I like contemplation, and making sense of things. I also like nature walks, I am obsessively interested in studying people and thinking about humanity in general. I am philosophy, although I dismiss maybe half of philosophers as being almost insane. I don't like watching sports at all except pro b ball on occasion, and I only like playing sports if I'm drunk, because alcohol makes boring things fun.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?

Same across the board, and I don't really have many friends at the moment. I have a close friend who is a girl, she's Enfj. I see her maybe once a week. All other guy friends have kind of just fallen off. One is pussy whipped and works 60 hours a week, others I just don't have anything in common any more. Good people are so hard to actually get acquainted with sometimes. I mean I work at a hospital, and there's just no one even remotely cool.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage?


7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?

A lot of it can be valid, it just needs to be applied with proper understanding. Is a guy a pussy because he doesn't play football? Who's tougher, a mystic who lives in a cave and lives on only a small piece of bread each day, or a body builder? I don't know how to explain it best, all I can say is that there are many variables that need to applied. A man isn't the guy who can belch the loudest, fart the smelliest, and who can chug the most beer, and who gets a chick every night at the bar. Its also not necessarily the guy who does first and asks questions later. I think gender stereotypes are general perceptions at BEST, and harmful at worst. I think a lot of religious traditions sum up masculinity the best, because it starts by asking what a human being, whether male or female, is in the first place. Those evaluations tend to be more timeless, than the more arbitrary cultural stereotypes, because they start with better questions.


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## Moonrise

I'd prefer "who" than "what", we sound like we're in some weird exhibit!
1) I imagine I come across kind, distant but not in a confrontational way, and maybe a little boring. I find little of interest to say to near-strangers. People seem to feel I'm more feminine than many guys, yes. Appearance and personality related.
2) there's relatively few people that I take the time to know, but with these people I become a lot more open and chatty. I think my image to them becomes more polar- I range from hyper feminine, and camp at times, to (semi) masculine. I think I'm just a more open or honest person, or I'm not smart or energetic enough to put across an image. I act as I feel, maybe that's a more "girly" thing?
3) Somebody on here once said that INFx men are INFx women with a penis slapped on. That's all I have to say.
4) I write, read, play video games, spend time on the internet and play with animals. I sail during the summer, but my favourite part of that is minding the littlest kids at camp, or sitting in the boat with a gentle breeze in my hair. I don't like sports, competition is unnerving and slightly upsetting to me. ~blushes at admission~
5) I have three male people who I talk to, only one whom I consider close (softy ENTP). Those three are the only males I really talk to, other than family, but family are all domineering ESTxs who scare me. I'm on speaking terms with maybe 7 or 8 females. Close with two.
6) How does one answer this? It's all I've ever known, without a starting point it's like asking me what it's like to live as a european: I don't know. Um.. Constant rumours surround platonic frinedships, life is an emotional, tear-stained playground, I've been rumoured to have "come out" a few times (I'm straight, assuming no subconscious ulterior narrative is trying to break free  ) and I don't know what else to add. Feel free to ask!
7) Hate hate hate them. I've learned to neither comply nor rebel against them, just treating them as nonexistent works best usually. So far, it's fairly well respected. My personal greatest hate is still sexism in any form, I can't abide it. Women treated badly/as inferior makes me angry and confrontational, women called dumb gets empathy flowing. Hate on men makes me miserable and guilty, men being "the same", oafish or useless makes me hate having a gender and that genders exist.

"Gender is a bad habit"


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## Dauntless

FANTASTIC, IS WHAT! AMIRITE, @Dissonance?! roud:


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## Dissonance

Dauntless said:


> FANTASTIC, IS WHAT! AMIRITE, @Dissonance?! roud:


Some of us are an acquired taste 

A lot of INFJs can relate to going against the mainstream, so issues with expectations are always plenty. Gender roles, chivalry, body language and manners, interests - we like to play with these, and then there are insecurities, doubt..

We are very misunderstood. People like their world structured in neat little bitesize chunks of information and that's the last thing an INFJ wants to be. It's common for a frustrated one to overcompensate sometimes and create complexity for its own sake, but we usually start from a place of wanting to be appreciated for all our nuances, not to elevate ourselves above others. Viewed in one dimension, the male INFJ is not so likeable. I guess we might come off as aloof and emo. If you dig deeper though, you can find someone who appreciates you for exactly who you are, and probably more than most as well.

If you need someone who'll just get things done promptly, don't go for the INFJ. We are rare for a reason. We are there to push boundaries, not oil the machine and stoke the fire. We dream a lot and ask a lot of questions and expect a lot. High maintenance for sure, even if we're agreeable and cuddly on the surface.


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## Aal

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people? 

- Probably really standoffish or irritable I think a lot of my close friends thought I was a shy extrovert though, because once I'm comfortable with something, I hold nothing back. 

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you? 

- Yes, I do think there are some things that could be considered feminine about my personality, particularly my emotional side. My father (probably an ESTP, but who knows) hates this, as he holds pretty tight to the masculine stereotype. 

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like? 

- Much more humorous, and laid back, unless I feel I have a reason to be stressed or worried. Generally, I begin looking for more things in interaction and conversation that I can bond over with the person.

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ? 

- In my experience, female INFJs tend to be a bit more socially outgoing, or carefree. More... fun oriented? I guess. Other than that, I'm not entirely sure. 

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports? 

- Music (it's my life. Quite literally), writing, art, philosophy, psychology (I'm the designated unlicensed therapist for most of my friends, and even acquaintances ). I'm not as into sports as I used to be when I was younger, but I work out, and have been trying to get myself into better shape in recent months. I'm a bit of a twig. 

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends? 

- I didn't really have many guy friends until college. In high school my friend group was primarily girls, and I'm still very close with them, and on a completely different level than my guy friends. I tend to be less raunchy and "typical male" than my guy friends, and I'm definitely more closed mouthed and less attention seeking. I find that with one or two exceptions, girls are much easier for me to just spend time with. I don't feel quite as much of a need to please or act up to something. 

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 

- A blessing and a curse, definitely. I love the insights I have, and I love what my intuition is capable of, especially in creating art and helping other people with their emotions. But on the other hand, it can be a god damn war to get people to understand how I see things. And particularly in the family I come from, they just don't get any of it. Most of them are ESTPs, ESFPs, or ESFJs. I'm one of probably 4 introverts on both sides of my family. 

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes? 

- They're garbage. You as a person are defined by what's inside you - your soul, mind, feelings, goals, values, etc. I'm not overly feminine by any means, and I can't say I'm a huge fan of feminism (I feel as though it defeats itself more than anything). I just feel like we need to treat other human beings as that - other human beings. This goes for other things as well - racism, and religious or sexual discrimination. Just treat people like people. It's that simple.


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## Khiro

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?*

Regarding femininity I very much doubt people get that vibe from me when they first meet me. I have quite a cold demeanor. It isn't sincere, but it serves its purpose well enough. Unless I'm interested in meeting someone it's very likely I'll more or less politely disengage until they leave. 

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?*

Completely depends on my mood. I can be anything from philosophical to overtly caring to utterly boisterous. I was described as feminine the other day coincidentally, but the majority of people seemed very surprised by the suggestion, one even seemed slightly offended. Personally, I see both perspectives. I completely understand how I can come across as feminine at times, but I definitely think the masculine side is more prominent. I have a very sarcastic, cynical side and a sense of humour that revels in cruelty and boundary pushing. Those aren't inherently masculine traits, but they balance out my gentler side and ensure that I come across as a human and not a pudding. 

*3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?*

I think there's a more literal edge to the Protector title. I'm not saying I wear a cape, but I do think there's a certain "rescuer" vibe about me that you wouldn't necessarily get from a girl. I'm not sure if the behaviour is necessarily different, but the perception is. When I do what I do people feel safe, whereas with a female INFJ they might feel more comforted. 

*4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?*

Art, films, games. The usual. The only sport I'm really into is MMA and even that's something that comes and goes, although I run and lift myself. 

*5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?*

Depends on the guy. A lot of the time my relationships with guys are on the intellectual side whereas my relationships with girls are more emotionally based. I think I have more male friends, but I definitely have more female close friends. 

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? *

I'm still not convinced that we've established femininity within the type. Someone noted earlier that Fe compels us to be socially appropriate, which I see as being very true. I'm a guy so I'll act like one. Not that doing so contradicts my internal attitude, which I see as being fairly gender neutral frankly. 

*7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?*

Don't give a crap really.


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## Persephone

My INFJ boyfriend doesn't care about gender stereotypes at all. In fact he loves to cook for me (and I do the dishes, just to be on the fair side, but I don't think he even cares if I don't). If we ever get married and have children I'm going to make him play the motherly role and be the primary parental figure- I'm just not maternal. I'm very gender neutral (most people think I'm too masculine- but really, if you ignore the fact that I'm female you'd find I have equal parts femininity and masculinity. People just think I'm masculine because I'm not feminine enough for a female) and he's gender neutral as well (although many would think he's feminine- for much the same reasons. I don't think he's _actually _feminine) and he doesn't mind that at all.

As for being the rarest type group, I must say we INTJ females are right up there in rarity  I know another male INFJ (I was madly in love with him too. Within an hour of meeting him I felt we'd known each other for years). Many people think he's feminine and probably because of that he's never had a girlfriend. This is, of course, all bullshit. One must wonder if you're dating a gender stereotype or a person. Both are thoughtful, considerate and emotionally open. They're gems, really. Many girls say they want guys like that but don't end up going for them. I've only met two male INFJs- I was head over heels for one and ended up dating the other.


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## PaladinX

A male INFJ is a man that lacks Pness and has a Fejayjay, but has a penis and lacks a vajayjay.


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## Bluegil

PaladinX said:


> A male INFJ is a man that lacks Pness and has a Fejayjay, but has a penis and lacks a vajayjay.


Lolololol basically.


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## 11thNight

Moonrise said:


> I'd prefer "who" than "what", we sound like we're in some weird exhibit!


lol. That's sort of how I feel. I hadn't really had too many interactions with INFJ guys when I posted this. The INFJ description fits me pretty well, but I can't say I've met too many guys who it could apply to (obviously, you're the rarest mbti demographic). However, I have met an INFJ male and we've become good friends pretty quickly, so I'm starting to get a better picture of what an INFJ guy is like. At the same time, he's, well... complex. So you guys are still a little like an interesting exhibit to me.


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## lollard

*I know the original post here is several months old, but I really wanted to respond to this little questionnaire, as a male INFJ. I haven't been on Personality Cafe in a while, but I found this discussion fascinating. *

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?

*Yes, I have been described as having somewhat feminine qualities. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm 100% straight, and I'm comfortable with my sexuality. There's nothing wrong with femininity. I admire femininity. I think it would help the world out if men got in touch with their feminine side more often.* *

I personally feel as though people see me as a recluse, buried in books and music at home all the time. Consequently, I think people see me as being kinda weird and awkward. These are all pretty much true. Haha.. So I guess there are no misconceptions really. I do sometimes feel as though people may think I don't like them simply because I get a little annoyed with mundane conversations, or because I choose not to stay out all night and party like everyone else. I think people get turned off sometimes when I try to engage them or challenge them on their ideas. *

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?

*I'm animated, engaging, and loving. I'm always willing to help people and share and reveal wonderful ideas with people. I'm carefree. I don't take things too seriously. I like to laugh a lot.*


3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

*I think, since INFJs are statistically more common with women, that it's possible INFJ males may have a harder time making friends. I'd suspect most INFJ males were likely picked on as kids by other boys. Also, it seems to me that INFJ males are more likely to use more Ti, and less Fe, as is the case with me.*

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?


*I generally hate sports. That probably sounds harsh, but I do. However, I used to be into skateboarding and things like that. I don't mind the occasional billiards game, but I'm not sure how many people would consider that a sport.*


*My two biggest interests are philosophy and music. This is why I'm a double major in philosophy and audio production. I'm also interested in science, psychology, art, languages, eastern religions, coffee, and video games. I like anything dealing with creativity and the humanities. * 

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?


*When I was a teenager, I did, in fact, have more girl friends than guy friends. Today, I'd say my circle of friends is pretty even between guys and girls. Lately though, I feel like I can vibe better with my female friends. **I have only a few really good guy friends who I can deeply connect with and count on. *

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage?



*Um... I think the only real advantage is being more intelligent and sensitive than the average guy. My Ni and Ti give me nearly perfect grades in school. My Fe makes me ideal when searching for employment.* *I feel as though I have a special insight into extraordinary things about the world that very few people see. That, in and of itself, is an advantage to me. The sheer experience of being able to relate to nature and the universe is an extraordinary way to live one's life. As Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living.*

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?



*I think any kind of stereotype is unproductive and dangerous. I'm even weary about stereotyping MBTI types (which is pretty difficult to avoid!) *


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## Dr.Horrible

11thNight said:


> Since learning of MBTI I have been able to identify 3 other INFJs in my life, the only male being my father. When I first read about my type I thought, "Wow, this describes me so well!" And after reading numerous posts of other female INFJs I thought, "This is awesome! I can't believe that there are other people wired like me!" But I was surprised to find just how much I could relate to the male posters too, even in areas that I thought were, well, exclusively feminine. That being said, I don't think highly valuing relationships and being insightful of others' thoughts and feelings makes you feminine;, it's just that now I have no idea what a male INFJ _looks like_. I mean I know my father but he's not one to blog about his feelings so I just don't know about him. Also, I kind of get the impression that others might perceive INFJs as being feminine, but I just can't see this about my dad.
> 
> But anyway, I would be very grateful if you would humor my curiosity by answering a few questions male INFJs and those who know one. Also, please feel free to discuss anything you would like so I can get a better impression of what the heck you guys are like.
> 
> 1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?
> 
> Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?
> 
> 2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
> 
> 3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?
> 
> 4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
> 
> 5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
> 
> 6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage?
> 
> 7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
> 
> Feel free to answer any of the questions, but don't feel obligated to answer them all if you just want to talk about a few or want to talk about something totally different.


1. weak,arrogant ( just shy)
2.more upbeat,smiling and encouraging to that person,and more revealing of my thoughts,intentions and emotions.willing to make gifts for that person to show them what i like to do and to share it with them(many cant handle this,it scares them )
3.im not sure since i dont know other infj
4.i played basketball and was very rough as a kid ,but very sensitive to nature and animals also as a kid.i was capable and still am of physical roughness but i rather observe and feel the world around me in a peaceful way.i think most sports are boring and setup/rigged which is why i stopped watching the nba
5.i have 3 really close guy friends.one is like a brother to me,though i think he is infp.my other friends i went to hs with get on my nerves often because they are not nf.i can be around them just not too much.i get along with women better for the most part because they are less vulgar.vulgarness does bother me,words i am sensitive to because of how i grew up
6.i feel absolutely alone.people/society is sooo sexist and jingoistic .admiring Gods beauty in creating everything from a mountain to a flower is perceived by others as a female trait.id rather look at flowers than mens butts in sports games(just making fun of societies double standards)
7.gender stereotypes fit the corporate world because sex sells.without stereotyping men and women how can the idea of inadequacy be installed...which moves people to conform,and to need to become something through materials and lifestyles.just because im sensitive does not mean ive never been in a fight.i can fight,i can play rough ,i choose to love instead.if someone was being hurt i would be no different than any other guy that would want to defendd that person.society has placed sensitive men into a category of "weak".compassion,mercy,faith,love,grace,hope etc..those are all traits of strength
my closest friends know how brave i am.just because i am infj doesnt make me lesser of a man


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## bvdk99

1.) People do find me feminine, and I think I come off as quite distant, quiet, and even hostile at times. I hate to admit it, but I know that I preemptively act somewhat cold, standoffish, and even superior, when in reality I don't feel that way at all. It's sort of my defence mechanism against people being mean, when often they don't have any such intention. It's pretty stupid, but it happens.

3.) My sister and mother are both INFJs, so the differences are slight. Keeping in mind that we're all Fs, I sense that on the T-F spectrum, my sister is the strongest Feeler with the most developed Fe, whereas my mom leans most towards Thinking, with a more developed Ti than either of us (then again, she's obviously significantly older, so this is to be expected). I find that I fall somewhere in between, and that I'm slightly more extraverted than either of them.

4.) I don't like sports at all, frankly. My interests are arts-centered: I write, draw, and dabble in music. I enjoy reading about almost anything, especially if it involves relationships, history, or something speculative.

5.) I have three guy friends, who all completely defy the stereotypes of masculinity, interestingly. I find that my relationships with girls to be more gratifying and meaningful, though - maybe it's because I'm more emotional than any of my guy friends and I like to bond on that level, while they're less inclined to do so. Or maybe it's because I find relationships with other Intuitives more engaging, and most of my guy friends are Sensors.

6.) Sometimes I feel as though it would be easier to be more "conventionally" masculine, because people who don't know me well often make negative assumptions about me based on the fact that I come off as quite the opposite. I do realize that INFJ is the rarest type, but I don't really think about it often, nor do I identify with being a rare type of person or anything.

7.) I really hate them, but I find they're often difficult to avoid because they're shoved down our throats from such a young age.


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## Fallen Archetype

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?
I'm VERY intimidating to people that don't know me. I tend to stare right through people which tends to scare them a bit. (Though my girlfriend loves it). To most I'm intimidating, serious, no nonsense at first glance.

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
I'm REALLY affectionate, I love everyone that I decide is worth putting in time to get to know, I'm REALLY nice to people, I'm kindhearted and always looking for things to do for the people I know (but I'm not a pushover), etc.

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?
All the female INFJs I've met think about thinks and come to conclusions in a very similar manner to the way I do. We also have had a tendency to hold similar values and opinions. (but it's never an issue when we don't).

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
I personally LOVE music. I listen to all sorts of different kinds of music, I sing, I play guitar, I do a number of alternative vocal styles (no inhales though), I write poetry and lyrics, all that kind of creative stuff.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
I have a fairly even mix of girl and guy friends. All of them have an appreciation for music that isn't designed entirely to sell albums. That tends to lead to a lot of personality traits that mesh wel with mine.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 
It's quite awesome being a rarity. It throws people and gets the people I'd like to be friends with interesting in befriending me.
I'd say it's an advantage to have "feminine" traits cuz everyone in my community that knows me LOVES me for it.

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
I absolutely HATE them. They disgust me a lot.


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## spirithawk41723

I have much to say on this but I will leave only this for now,
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/95-Dostoyevsky-Male-portrait-INFj-by-Beskova


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## occasus

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

I suppose that people who do not know me think that I am gay; I've been asked by near strangers often enough. I strike most people as scholarly, feminine and serious.

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?

I expose all of my opinions, can be quiet funny, engage in genuine discussion and argument, am open, and expect loyalty in return.

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

I have only never met a female INFJ in person, but from what I can see on the forums they seem less J than males.

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?

I like reading, swimming, walking, staring into space, politics, and argument. I despise organised sports.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?

They're good, I hope. They like me for who I am, which I am thankful for every day. My best friend is my ISFJ grandmother, but I mostly have male friends.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 

I have always had that feeling that I am "special". It is an advantage, certainly. I have nothing but disdain for the emotionless, sexually driven grunts who seem to make up the bulk of my gender. 

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?

There are obviously differences between males and females. All stereotypes are derived somewhat from fact, but they shouldn't define our lives.

Sigh. I wish my Dad was an INFJ.


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## B. Toast

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?*
Generally, "mysterious" is the response I get when I ask people what their first-glance impression of me was. After we have a first conversation, people sometimes picture me as naturally outgoing and thus they are quick to mistakenly assume me for being an extrovert. They become shocked later when they see me withdraw from social activity and stick to myself.

In terms of "feminine" or not, that is difficult for me to pinpoint. I used to live a homosexual lifestyle but now do not even have any such desires or inclinations. However, I do tend to have many "feminine" tendencies such as being soft, gentle, and understanding. 

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?*
When I decide to give someone a shot at getting to know me, they find that I'm quite different from what they initially thought, and they continually use words such as "mysterious", "fascinating", "odd", or "intriguing" to describe me.

*3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?*
I only know of one female INFJ (mostly because I don't talk to too many people or care to type them), and I don't see too many differences. She, like me, tends to sit back and watch, observing through intuition, taking things in, judging them, etc.

*4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?*
I LOVE free climbing. I also enjoy parkour, but not as much. Billiards (8-Ball, 9-Ball, etc.) helps me exercise my thinking and forces me to slow my mind down to focus on what's right in front of me. That's it for sports. I don't like conventional sports and won't even watch them.
As a child (6-14) I really enjoyed model railroading, sewing/embroidery, and had a deep fascination for architecture. I would spend hours, days, even weeks designing things and then putting them together. I recall seeing the "Ultimate X-Wing" in a Lego magazine and sitting down and building it based on what I saw in the picture. I could get lost in the details for so long that I would forget what it was I was even working on.

*5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?*
Females comprise a large percentage of my friends, far outweighing the males. I've always struggled to relate to guys, though I've been getting better at it over the last couple years. My relationships with my guy friends are good and solid, but not nearly as deep as those with my female friends. Last year I had an INTJ roommate who was VERY strong on the "T" side, while I'm moderately strong on the "F" side. We would have deep discussions but those didn't last very long. We would often get frustrated with each other. He didn't have the patience for my "F" side and I felt his "T" side was overly insensitive. He was also a busybody, taking 21 credits while working part time and working with a youth group. I was content with 16 1/2 credits, no job (for part of the semester; I picked one up later), and I wasn't working in a church. His every waking moment was spent "doing", while most of mine were spend simply "being". I definitely don't talk to my male friends very much either, and it's something that has always been a bit of an insecurity for me. I've been mistaken in the past as a "guy who's after every other girl" simply because I don't spend much time (if at all) with males and was always talking with females. Being an "F", I tend to offer words of affirmation freely and perhaps did so too often. Some girls did take it as being flirtatious. 

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? *
It's definitely both advantageous and disadvantageous. One advantage is that women do tend to trust me more than the average male. Some place me in their lives as "the older brother they never had". The disadvantage, however, is that it's incredibly difficult for me to understand or relate to other men. Also, I find tall and/or "athletic" men to be very intimidating. 

*7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?*
Hate them. And that's not a word I use lightly or frequently, if at all.


----------



## Featherlight

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Kind of dull, I suppose. I'm most often quiet and thinking about something else, so I've heard "distant" and "odd" too.

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?

Yeah, people do often think I'm feminine-ish or "not as manly". I suppose it's because I'm usually very quiet and don't like competition or leadership. I don't value a lot of stereotypical masculine traits either, like aggressiveness, brashness, competitiveness, etc.

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?

I warm up to them more, or something. I tend to talk more and become more animated, especially if it's someone whom I have rapport with.

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

Hmm, I don't know. I don't know any female INFJs (or really any other INFJs at all) in real life, and I don't lurk around in the INFJ forum here all that much.

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?

Sports, no. I'm the typical nerdy guy who stays inside all the time and socializes online, if at all. I like to play computer games and screw around on PerC/the Internet, read, play the saxophone, etc. Interests include art (though I'm horrible at it), the hobbies above, and personality stuff.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?

Alright, I suppose. My only male friends are an ESFP and an ISTJ, though the ISTJ and I are more like acquaintances. We get along with each other well, but not as well as I'd like, i.e. a deep bond. I have no female friends at all.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 

Nothing that special. I don't get a fuzzy feeling out of it or anything. I tend to get misunderstood when I talk about INFJ-ish stuff though. I'd say having strengths typically associated with females is an advantage, because as I said before, I don't value most masculine traits. But I probably don't speak for the majority of male INFJs.

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?

I hate them. They're ridiculous and confining.


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## Kabosu

A male that uses Ni Fe Ti Se. :tongue:


----------



## Calisex

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?*
Leader, Alpha, Assertive, Dominant. Extremely ambitious, determined, dedicated. I have a clear focus on what I want. Outspoken, Inquisitive. I enter with a straight back, head held high, focused eyes, smile, and a ton of energy. I ask a lot of questions and reflect back with my own points..... this goes for 10 minutes and then I am completely depleted and I go into neutral mode, which is down below. 

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?*
Kind, humble, honest. Down to earth, quiet, assertive, loner, ambitious, full of dreams, serious. 
People realize that I can blend in with the crowd. I'm not loud, or full of life. My assertive, leader, alpha side of me only comes out in the introduction, and when I am focused on doing something. When I am not in my zone, I am extremely neutral. Wrapped in my mind in thought, and trapped with ideas. The moment I see something important that I want to do, I can easily leave the group and go do it with no issues. Or if it's something to do with the group I am in, I will suddenly light up with energy and start taking control of the conversation for 3-5 minutes, and go back to neutral. Haha...
*
3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?*
Never met one

*4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?*
I couldn't live without sports. I'm always doing extreme stuff, fighting, rock climbing, basketball, dancing. I don't like doing risky stuff though if I know it's not entirely safe. I value my life too much. I am all around though. Learning, reading, drawing, athletics, music, business

*5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?*
I have more guy friends. I used to have more friends that were girls in High School, but my long term friends have turned out to be guys. I am the mentor of the group, the quiet one that always has an answer when the group is undecided. I don't really talk unless I am needed, or else like I said, I'm just wrapped in thought.

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? *
Huge advantage. I've done things I would have never thought were possible if I hadn't had this natural ability to just be different and try things in a new way. I've mapped my future life so well.... and I have accomplished all the dreams I had established. Now it's on to Phase 2 of my life goals.

*7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?*
Love em. Girls shouldn't act like guys, and guys shouldn't act like girls. We're male and female for a reason. We both have our own special strengths. If you're gay/lesbian, then go for it, but don't neglect your natural body. But... women should stop attempting to join the army as soldiers, or participating in competition against men in sports or any athletic sport, it's just not supposed to work that way.


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## girlinthemoon

PaladinX said:


> A male INFJ is a man that lacks Pness and has a Fejayjay, but has a penis and lacks a vajayjay.


Oh my goodness - I started joking with a friend about "Pness" and "Jayjay" and worried I had an abnormally dirty mind because, until now, I hadn't seen anyone else make the joke! So...thank you!:laughing:

And based on the ISTPs I know irl, I'm not at all surprised I first saw this from one!


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## kenyipsh

It has been 1.5 years since the last post. Let me make it alive haha.

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Kind, smiling, polite, quiet. Strangers very often come ask me for help and I am always happy to help out. 

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?

I'd start to show my craziness. My random ideas will start flowing out. Also, since most people just assume I am an extremely quiet nerd/geek serotype, I keep surprising people (and maybe freak them out a little, sorry about that XD) who don't know me well; because I am extremely outspoken when the situation calls for it.

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

No idea, never met one.

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
I like to sing and I love video games. As for sport, I know several forms of martial arts and I am ambidextrous on table tennis and badminton. I love martial arts btw.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
Currently, I don't have any close "girl" "friends", and I don't keep girls as friends. I always try to keep my distance (mostly instinctively, now that I think about it) from a girl as soon as I sense some "disconnection." Maybe the INFJ description is right about us being extremely picky.
I don't have many guy friends neither. I have a few guy friends whom I play video games with. And they are all very trustworthy.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage?
I have felt different from others ever since I was a child. It feels quite lonely because no one seem to be able to understand me. Also, I always thought I was an INTP because I am very good with analysis and I excel in math. Maybe it is an advantage, because being able to do concrete analysis with an abstract mind has allowed me to think of many impossible ways to solve problems. So far, there isn't anything I can't learn or solve as long as I am given time. People have said this to me many times: "Wow, how did you come up with that?"

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
Even though INFJ is supposed to "have strengths typically associated with females," I am an alpha male. So, I believe gender stereotypes exist. I believe gender stereotypes is a natural phenomenon in our society that keep things in order and make the world more predictable. However, personally, I never tried to act like a male or female. I am me and I do whatever I like.


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## charlie.elliot

Honestly this thread is very sexist if you think about it--- personalities really AREN'T gendered, its just that our culture is so gendered that we find gender everywhere.


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## imaginaryrobot

Hey, I have an INFJ boyfriend so I thought I'd try to answer these. 

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?
Quiet, serious, smart.

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
More emotions start to come out, tries to understand himself and other people, weird and funny. Depending on his mood he tends to either have dark humor or corny/silly humor. 

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?
Just looking at the two of us, he makes decisions more easily and can be more critical. He can seem like an NT, and is more into technology. But there really aren't that many differences, as that can describe female INFJs too. 

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
Not a sports fan, really. He enjoys reading, programming, watching movies, learning, listening to music, playing video games, driving, hiking.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
He only really has guy friends, apart from me. And the way he interacts with them is almost identical to how I act with my female friends. So again, not many differences. And despite having male friends, he definitely spends more time talking to/spending time with the females in his family. He has told me before he feels more comfortable around females most of the time.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 
So far it has been an advantage for him, I think. He is emotionally expressive and romantic, so has really succeeded with romantic relationships. And even for his career, even though he works with computers, the people he works with love that he's more than just a smart/tech kinda guy. He is personable, kind, and understanding. As for what it feels like for him being the rarest personality type, I don't think he really has expressed any complaints or anything.. 

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
He tries to break them.


One way I would kind of describe the male INFJ (based on the one I know) is like being quite intelligent and rational when the situation calls for it (I think he can access Ti really easily), but being super feeler-y with loved ones or in casual surroundings. Or even merging those two aspects together. And not acting like that's weird at all. Just as another bit of info, he tends to score as androgynous when we've taken gender role tests (I, as a female INFJ, score as 'feminine'). And I think that can maybe tell you a lot about male INFJs - qualities of both traditional male and female traits. And I think he really is able to turn them on/off as necessary.


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## westlose

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?*

Detached. When people meet me, they think that I'm high on drugs. I just don't care about what's happening now, I'm thinking about how thinks will evolve and what I should do. But it's easy for me to make friends. I'm warm, so people tend to like me quickly. People often say that I have charisma, maybe because I'm so weird that it is funny.

*Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?*

I make a good impression on people generally. They find me a little weird, but I can adapt quite quickly to them, and they are often happy to interact with me.
No I've never had comment about my feminity, but... I like shopping, clothes, gossip and things like that. And I don't really like sports. So I would say that externally I'm a man, but internally I'm androgynous. I don't really make distinctions between both gender. I treat equally both men and women. 

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?*
Well, once someone has my trust (it's really rare), I will talk with them about all my fears and insecurities. I'll protect them and be really nice with them. I think that I'm quite annoying because this friend must feel pressured. In fact I have a high ideal of what friendship is, for me it's a total fusion and understanding of each other. I want this friend to accept me, and my choices. If it's not the case, I will doorslam.
In fact I have a hard time getting friends now. I was so hurt of all those people who betrayed me, I'm just sick of this. Maybe I'm starting to become Schizoid. I don't suffer from being alone. I really love that. 

*3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?*
Good question, I've never met an INFJ (and a female INFJ neither). The one I met on this forum looks quite similar to me. I guess that we have in common this idiosyncratic vision of life.

*4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?*
My hobbies are : Writing, drawing, playing piano, reading, typology (especially socionics and enneagram), video games (is it really a hobby?), and some japanese stuff, anime manga...

I don't really like sports.
*
5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?*
It's strange but I can't be friend with a girl. I always had only guys as friends. I don't know why. The only girl I talked with, was my ex-girlfriend. Well, I only described how friendship was for me. It's always the same thing. I reveal myself more and more, until they find me too weird and don't understand me anymore.

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage?*
I don't care about being the rarest type. But I'm sad about ESTPs, that will have a hard time finding their dual. I don't find thoses strengths being typically associated with females.

*7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?*
Oh well, I've answered to this question before. It's like the 3rd time.


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## UO_norwegian

I'm guessing the original poster is no longer wondering, but I figured I could talk a little about myself. roud:

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?* People who don't know me assume I'm a quiet person, unless they see me talking with my friends; in that case, they'll see someone who is more talkative and a little socially awkward. People try to understand me, since it seems at first I can fit into almost any type of group or people. With the femininity question, yes I do believe people think I'm a little feminine. Primarily because of the empathy I show and how comfortable I am with talking to both genders in the same way. I know for certain people make misconceptions about me for a variety of reasons, since I can talk to and become friend's with any kind of person. (I don't care how a person looks or acts as long as their kind).

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?* Definitely yes! I do not like showing my true self or emotions to people, so any form of communication about my inner self will only be disclosed to a select few people. How much I share with someone depends on how close the relationship is with them. My best friend (an ENFP) know's more about me than anyone else, although I have yet to share the most personal details with him. (Which I think he'd be surprised about since we talk about some REAL intimate stuff). I sometimes wish it was easier to show my true self, because I really am a great person to be around.

*3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?* For this question I guess I can compare myself to my mom. (who's an INFJ) People tend to think highly of the both of us. Both being empathetic and intelligent people who follow the best forms of character. Differences: I would consider myself something closer to an INTJ since I do use logic and reason more often than my mom would, and tend to be a lot more skeptical than she is. Emotional outbursts do not happen by me if I'm upset, I just bottle it up and become more quiet than usual for a bit. My mom will yell if her ideals are threatened, and it can be difficult to tell her she is wrong about something. I'm more willing to have a personal conversation than she is. I also tend to enjoy politics more than my mom. (We both agree the whole system in the US is stupid though) She's a non-denominational Christian while I consider myself non-religious. I believe in some god or spiritual being, but I don't belong to any faith. I'm left wing while she is moderate-right. And she can be more judging towards criminals and people who aren't as empathetic, while I care for everyone. I have the philosophy prisoner's should be treated rather than *punished.*

4.) *Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?* Sport's aren't my thing. Although when I was younger I did play soccer and Taekwondo, and if my little brother wants to play something I'll do it with him. I tend to spend a lot of my free time on the computer, usually researching things I find interesting. I love trekking, not only do I get exercise and see beautiful views, but I feel more connected with all nature and existence in a meditative kind of feeling. Performing tasks that improve myself and watching a good TV series are interests of mine.

*5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?* Like most people in the forum I have more guy friends than girl friends. My relationships with my friend's are really good because they are fine with who I am. (All the ones I tested are Intuitive types also) There's little to no drama within my circle of friend's. The biggest problem for me is they don't necessarily think the same way that I do. I can feel alone sometimes.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? I love being an INFJ. Mainly because of our main function, Introverted Intuition. The way we see the world is completely unique to only us and I think it's amazing. We're the best type to understand the universe, everything around us, and how it relates to each other. Psychologically its quite impressive since it gives us a feeling of being on the "outside looking in." (in being practically everything. Life almost seems like a video game to me) I love my personal advantage because I feel like I can see the world in every single perspective and completely understand it, giving me an amazing sense of what needs to be done to make the world a better place. 

7.) *How do you feel about gender stereotypes? * Dumbest thing created. We as humans should be intelligent enough to understand that men and women should share tasks and not be told by society that someone has to perform a certain duty. I would be perfectly fine being a stay at home dad with a wife that worked, there is nothing "unnatural about it". I strongly dislike these roles because I was raised by a single mom, and she had to do EVERYTHING. Meaning working outside the home, yard work, mechanical repair's, cleaning, strict and nurturing parenting, etc. 

To sum it all up, I'm proud of being a male INFJ, and as I continue to mature I can only become better as a human being. It also gives me the drive and knowledge so I can change the world for the better! roud:


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## Aulredigon

_1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?_

"There's something off about this person and I can't point it out. He clearly isn't from this planet. I mean, he seems normal but weird." - that's what they probably think of me. Feminine is an understatement. Don't know if it's because intuition and feeling are regarded as feminine or because I just don't like the male stereotypes. They sometimes think I'm sad when I'm reflecting.
_
2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?_
- Definitely not their impression of me.

_3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?_
- I use NE as much as my dominant function. Is this a thing for male INFJs or is it just me? 

_4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?_
- No sports for this guy. Hate it. Hate it so bad. It irritates me when people talk about it.
_
5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
_
- More girl friends. I'm awkward around guys. I'm gay

_6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 
_- Don't really care about being the rarest personality, not belonging is sometimes depressing. Advantage for me.

_7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
_- It's okay to follow the current if you want to. Make sure you want to. This may be a cliched phrase but it's true "Be yourself"


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## Thatsme

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine?(WTF?) (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?

Normally they figure out that something is... but they cannot articulate and verbalize what exactly =D Probably they feel the difference. Mostly the definitions are either very positive or somewhat typical for our personality 
Let me ignore your part concerning ''feminine'' I don't even care whatever gave that idea. For God's sake.

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?

Apparently I have not revealed who I truly am to no one so far. Speaking of which even to myself. 

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

Your guess is as good as mine. 

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?

Weight lifting is my magnificent obsession. I am in love with gym. No lifting equals to suicide. It is constant dialogue to yourself.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?

What a nice question.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 

Right. First one is clear to me. It is difficult to fit in, it goes without saying. Needless to tell why.
Second one is beyond my reach to be honest. For all my crazy guesses you ask me... no, I don't get it. What strengths are associated with females? Could you get some sense to me please)) Thanks.

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
Ladies... I am at your feet.


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## funambulist44

Hi. I'd like to prelude this by pointing out that enneagram types will probably bring a lot of variance in the replies. I'm a 4w5, so some of my reply might be more connected that.

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?
*Depends who's looking at me. If you're my peers, then I'll appear emotionless and cold; I may even seem hostile. Maybe not what you'd expect from an INFJ, but there are myriad outside factors. When I'm at my best though, I'll often be the center of attention and fit that "most extraverted introvert" description. I am seldom at my best though.*

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?
*Feminine? Not really. It depends what you think of as feminine. I'm in the theater crowd which is generally dominated by females and gays, but am myself neither. I don't know. I don't have any problem with breaking gender norms though.*

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
*If I'm into the relationship, then I'll probably be into the person. I'll be really enthusiastic in a quiet way about getting to know them. I try and figure out how they tick. After that stage, I'm into deep discussions about what have you.*
3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?
*The difference isn't really in gender.*
4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
*Hobbies/interests: acting, singing, psychology, dark fascinations, composition (terrible at it). No, I hate sports.*
5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
*I don't really have guy friends anymore. Not that I regularly hang out with at least. I have one but he's gay, which I'm assuming is not what you're looking for. I generally have more female friends, but it can be really frustrating when you truly want it to be non platonic. People never believe me.*
6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 
*Lonely. Part of it is in the rarity, but part of it I guess just comes with the type. I'm always searching for some sense of connection or completeness. It's very elusive; I've seen only glimpses.*
7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
*Ridiculous and tiring.

I know that reply was a bit whiny, but oh well. I hope I've answered your question from three years ago.

Edit: The thing you seem to want to really know about is the gender side. I was primarily raised by my mother and greatly influenced by my sister. I've never really had much of a constant father figure. Perhaps this contributed to my personality type? I don't like sportsy macho guys typically. I prefer having many female or feminine friends, but I need to have males around too. I suppose I am more feminine than the average male, but not entirely.*


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## Val37

I know a male INFJ, and he can come across as very ESTP, which is an INFJs dual/shadow. I too, can come across as an ESTP, but we make a very poor rendition of an actual ESTP. When he (or we) don this persona, we are very aggressive and even arrogant...but not in the way that ESTPs can execute effortlessly. He comes off as very masculine, but when he is very relaxed and comfortable, and just being his natural self, he's very easy-going, sensitive and charming in an understated way. (I get to embrace my femininity, lol.). I'd say we are more similar than different. But then again, I only have a sample pool of 2.


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## TheINFJ

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?*

Actually, quite the opposite; a girl I liked once told me I needed to get in touch with my "feminine side" more often. The greatest misconception that people make about me is that I'm not that emotional, which isn't true at all; I am better at expressing my emotions in words, and articulating them in my mind, than expressing them through, say, crying, or jumping up and down in joy. I'm verbal when it comes to expressing my emotions, and not very physical, so I can come across as being unemotional.

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?*

I think when I know someone for a long enough time, they can see the more emotional side to me that I have. They can see the passion I have on issues close to heart, I can feel comfortable displaying my idiosyncrasies, and I can also relax myself more; by default, I'm reserved around people I don't know that well, and when I know someone better, they can see the more talkative and open side to me.

*3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?*

I have no idea.

I've only ever known 2 female INFJs, and I can understand some of their quirks quite well. 

*4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?*

I like sports for the sake of hanging out with my friends; spending decent quality time. I'd really prefer to be talking to them, but if they want to have fun by playing a game, than so be it.

I like studying scripture, history, philosophy, and just trying to understand what makes people tick. I'm FASCINATED by how movies are made, and it is a rather unrealistic dream of mine to make a professional film one day. I also like photography and cinematography.

*5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?*

Well, I only hang out around people my age at my church, and since my church youth group consists of about 20-25 people, I am trying my best to hang out around all of them. I know, that is strange for an introvert, but I need to get out of my comfort zone. Because of this, the amount of girls I'm friends with and guys I'm friends with is equal. 

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? *

Well, I honestly feel alienated sometimes, even from my friends. I know my friends care for me, but I just can't always relate to them. I have a type A personality, which is common among J types, and add being intuitive, add being sensitive to the mix, and that means that I just can't UNDERSTAND some of the ways my friends rationalize things. 

*7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?*

I'm all for gender roles; I believe that a man should still be the one to propose, that a man should be the head of a household, etc, however, some gender stereotypes are absolutely stupid, however, such as men not being able to cry, or women always having to be sensitive, etc.


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## jtrony

So i will answer as an INFJ 4w3 male.(24)

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?*
70% of the time i appear "smily", approachable, communicative, social, adjusted. 
30% of the time, i am very close off, cold and absolutely even strategically unapproachable. Usually in period of real stress, low self esteem, or interesting perspective.
For some reason most people only see one of those facet, almost never both.

*Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?*
I have... too many form. My more fixed form depend on my actual ideal, belief system. Otherwise i am prone to be everything.
Feminine? not at all, i am always adjusted to with whom i speak so once i can do it, i usually chose what perception they will have of me if possible.
Misconception: I am very rational and need to get in touch with my "feelings", that I am a natural extrovert, but i believe the greatest misconception is underestimate, how many topics, kind of conversation, i actually know, understand, and is good at.

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?*
Inspiring, enthusiastic, I sell the "dream" very easily. I start also to show off a more funky/crazy humor little by little to see how far you mind can go with it. I am Very passionate, Ask a lot of questions, And reveal some facet of my personalities(Since they are so many and so unrelated, i have to go one by one, and it depend on with whom i am talking to.)

*3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?*
Similar: I don't know
Different: They seems less driven and ambitious. Does not seem to show the same *Intensity* to realize their true self.

*4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?*
Psychology, personnal developpement, Art (writting, guitar, theater,Cinema,Photography), The poetry of life, Self imposed meaning, Marketing, Business, Spirituality, Life of successful/Massive failure people.
I don't really like sport, but i work out for purely practical reason. Unless i put some specific vision for it(like me super beautiful, handsome and stuff) i won't do anything, and i don't see any interest in itself.

*5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?*
Great, all of them are deep and meanigful, i always tend to push to higher standard of "relational excellence" and change friends often(As you grow you environnement change)
I don't have more girlfriend than guy friend... I do have great relationship with girls. I don't think i will ever have more girlfriend than male friends. For some reason i feel like i have enought "feminine essence", so i don't need to really spend time with a lot of woman, otherwise it's just another kind of confort zone, and i don't like it.

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? *
I think the main disadvantage are the early life(Before 20) because kids are stupid lol. If you can make it and see your power, and uniqueness as a gift i think the adult developpement is exponentially at your advantage.
The strenghts of the "female type" is a chance, i think we are the most balanced feminine/masculine energy on the spectrum. We have the quality of male in our vision, natural "hidden" leadership, planning, and reasoning, and we have empathy, deep intuition, and artsy gentleman touch. Feminist have nothing to teach us.

*7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?*
I think They are challenging for most people, but it's also motivating to know that we can also change them.
There is some wisdom in it, and some dynamic part that are made for change.
I think the true issue is more about the self confidence to incarnate oneself without being distracted b outside norms.

I hope all thoses post will give you some perspective on the many incarnations/archetypes of the male INFJ.


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## Chris Merola

*1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?*

This is very dependent on the situation. I usually assess new crowds to see which parts of myself I will either accentuate or suppress to make things go smoothly. I've had people see me as a stone cold intellectual, an overly abstract philosopher type, (Not usually considered a compliment, lol) a sensitive romantic, an egotistical goof ball, etc. It really just goes on, it can be anything positive or negative. I've learned not to take compliments or criticisms too seriously because neither tend to be crazy accurate. I was much more in tune with my sensitive feminine side when I was in a relationship, and I did get joked about, but nowadays its not common. 

*2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?*

It is an adaptable process. I try to see how deep the person is and if our friendship would benefit from me revealing more. If I know who I truly am will just confuse or turn off someone, I remain polite and continue the friendship in the area of the person's topics of conversation that they enjoy. Usually I only reveal myself to girls with whom I am pursuing a potential relationship with. There tends to be a surprise period where they are impressed with my depth and very happy with the warm attention and learning about my multifaceted hobbies/passions/ideas, but I find that the fascination wears off and my true self ends up getting rejected in the long run. I've only had a few of these experiences and I'm only in high school, so I've yet to get really disheartened by it, but it is very painful.

*3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?*

I know some female INFJs, they are lovely people. They master Fe more passionately and shine very brightly in social scenarios. From what I've seen, they are usually more inclined towards the arts of acting and writing and singing. They still embrace their uniqueness and have a wide range of evolving interests and passions, but I find that they are much more skilled at balancing an incredibly positive public image with their inherent quirkiness. (Which is very charming!) I can identify with these things to an extent, but I embrace the more reflective insightful, intellectual, soul-searching side of INFJ-ness. Also, I think INFJ girls struggle with anxiety in a more profound fashion; I've had terrible experiences but from what I have heard it is worse on their end.

The only big downside of being a female INFJ from what I've seen comes from the courting and dating scene. I've seen INFJ gals be very charming, delightful, and insightful into the nature of men they talk to, which inevitably makes the men think they have an incredible connection when it is actually one sided. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to turn down guys or repress friendliness for professionalism. As a male INFJ, I rarely get directly pursued, so all I have to do is ignore the more passive signals of attraction from a girl. It doesn't induce as much guilt, lol.

*4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?*

Lol, sports. I actually like playing football or volleyball with close friends, but its hard to muster up passion for any legitimate competitive sports. I suck at them as well! I run for recreation and exercise on my nature path near my house and do some basic weight lifting and exercises just to stay lean. 

I was a big gamer up until high school stole all of my free time, haha. I enjoy walking through nature and exploring, I write for my school paper and on my own, I'm on the mock trial team for my school, I do Speech. (But no more this year, I'll leave it to the two INFJ gals who made it to nationals this year!) I like chess, film or game design, I make some videos on youtube and consume a lot of media on there. I like to ruminate, reflect, and research the most; these aren't really tangible or productive hobbies, though.

*5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?*

I wish! I totally want to be "one of the girls" or whatever and be in on the gossip and help them with their issues and all that. I have a few girl-friends with whom I have that kind of connection, but I ultimately find guys to be less threatening on the whole and I'm better at socializing with them. I have a lot of acquaintances, a good amount of friends, and no real best friend when it comes to guys. I don't join in on the usual sports discussion or the crude talks about hot girls, but I still manage to do fine. I come across as confident with them and I mostly just keep the peace and support my friends in a "tactful" bro-ish way.

*6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 
*

Well, Fe can lend itself fine to a man, I believe. Sure, we can't let _all_ of the emotion out and be 100% gooey and warm, but it's a useful function that works fine with being polite, kind, and in tune with others. I think the big disconnect we feel from society as INFJs is our dominant Ni and inferior Se, which aren't inherently male or female. (Ehh, actually, Se tends to be a "macho" function)

*7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?*

They suck. Let's evolve as a human race and realize that we can have the best of both worlds. I can be confident like a "man" and supportive/warm like a "woman." I can't believe sexism is a thing, it's complete nonsense. Humans are humans; everyone is an individual. Treat them as such.


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## genericv

1. People seem to trust me readily during the first conversation I have with them. 

2. I believe people think they know me well, because comfortably I share personal details and laugh at myself so that don't think I am too strict or serious before it gets "real." That being said, no one alive truly knows me,because what I share and give of myself is deliberate.

3. I don't know if this is what you're looking for, but I like cute things, especially animals. I love baby animals. In a relationship, I am affectionate and cuddly and and I want to be warm, melty and gooey in her arms as often as possible. I could cuddle and kiss 24/7.

4. I love music and I own several instruments (don't play them much), but I take a lot of pictures. People tell me I'm good at photography, and pay me to shoot their weddings and events, which I love completely. I don't like sports much, but I enjoy motorsports! I like just about anything with an engine and 4 wheels, or wings. I love talking about vehicles. Probably because I appreciate things that are well designed and constructed. Cars, guitars, architecture, writing instruments, etc.

5. I have great, healthy relationships with a few men. I have a lot of guy friends, but I prefer to be in the company of girls and women of any age. 

6. It was hard when I was younger. I never understood why I was so weird. I was raised by a single mother. We were quite poor, and I didn't have many friends. In my teens, it was even harder. I never liked myself at all. Glad that changed.

7. I don't.


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## INFJ Gemini

I understand that this was quite a while ago, but the post more than interested me, so I will answer. As a young, male INFJ I am intrigued by such questions.

1.) I appear (or at least I can only predict as much) either very introversive and shy, or fairly outgoing and just a normal guy (depending on my current social energy). As much as we are very feeling-oriented, this doesn't necessarily mean that we will come right off as feminine in anyway. Feelings may drive our inner mental state, therefore influencing our common choices and actions, but they do not affect our masculinity. At least, in my case.

2.) Once I begin to make deeper-level connections with someone, and gain their trust to open up to show my true personality, they do see me for my true self in time. This self is not of feminine quality (that is, depending on exactly what we are basing "feminine qualities" on), but it is exceedingly honest; and the friendship and bond shared is not something that can be shared with many, nor is it a trait you will find with many males at all (referencing the point you made). 

3.) I guess I answered this through the last question, but to be more thorough... we have the same emotional feelings towards people and things. More specifically, betrayals and acts of distrust will affect us massively, but it isn't something you will necessarily see on the outside. The INFJness is different in that we do not show the emotion so easily, at least to those we do not know. Now for those we have the rooted connection with, this emotion is something we cherish and will be more than willing to share with someone that we have built such a rare and precious trust with. But know that the emotions most definitely burn through our minds in powerful, painful wraths or magnificent highs. Doubts and over-analysis' feel our heads with so much worry, it can be difficult at times to concentrate on day-to-day activities. This is both a curse and a blessing. 

4.) I practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, an on-the-ground martial art. I love the art because of the humbling, friendly, and small community that it offers across the world. When you meet someone that practices the same art as you that is so rare, you immediately feel a connection and can already build a respectable trust with them. Common American team sports aren't something I do nearly as well in. I do enjoy some backyard football, but most things like basketball I am flat out terrible. 

5.) Like I mentioned in the last part of #2, the friendship I share with my male friends is something most people don't get to experience in a plutonic relationship. The connection is hard to break, and it provides a much needed outlet for myself. You may find irony in this, but have no girl friends. I have all guy friends, and I hate it. I have dated in the past (I realize this is not what you meant by girl friend, but I will digress nonetheless, but not once have I ever made the trusting, deep bond and connection with a girl; ever. Not as a friend, nor as a partner. I have tried, but they are either not patient enough (want the relationship to move faster) or I have simply just not been able to form the trust. It's something with girls that intimidates me, and I have no idea why. Feel free to think of answers to that proposition.

6.) As I stated, it is both a blessing and a curse. There is really something special in knowing that you are a real one-of-a-kind in the vast world of people. But because of this, I also very rarely get the chance to feel a sense of belonging to a group of people, place, or person in general. I often feel out of place, and that I can never truly find a group of people like me. Now there is the realization that no one will really find people exactly like them, and I understand that, but the concern is of a different level. Finding people who really understand you don't necessarily have to be like you, and that is the trouble with me. There aren't more than a couple people that have truly figured me out. As for the strengths of females, I believe that they can absolutely be an advantage in our society. And that's not to make anyone like me or feel better, it's the truth. Sure, there are some disadvantages to it, but aren't there with everything? I believe in order to truly lead people and be successful in whatever it is that you do, there has to be a large sense of emotion and caring for others in it from you. It's easy for INFJs to see that and utilize it to its max, but not so much for others, and it can be quite a penalty to their accomplishments. Looking out for others can gain you things you would never have expected to get before having done what it is you did in the first place. 

7.) I hate gender stereotypes. Men are seen as straightforward, to the point, and brutally honest about it at times. There's no beating around the bush, you don't have to figure it out with their thoughts and all that BS. Well frankly, and I hate to say it, but that is absolutely not always true. I am literally not at all in anyway like the male stereotype. I may "appear" to be like the male stereotype, but I am not by any means. I am as straight as it gets as far as sexual orientation, but that does not mean I am what most would assume I am, if that makes any sense? I really do hope someone out there someday sees me for who I really am INSIDE. It will take time and commitment, and I'm afraid that's not something people are willing to bet on in this modern society. I really believe that the Male INFJ is one of the world's true human enigmas.

Thanks for the questions 11thNight, I enjoyed answering them. Please reply if you have any questions, comments, or concerns.


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## charlie.elliot

I have no patience with threads like this. Male INFJs are just like female INFJs. How limited is your view on gender anyway? 

And honestly INFJ seems like one of the more "masculine" types anyway; certainly the most "masculine" of all the Feeler types. And that's masculine in a stereotypical way of course.


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## NomadLeviathan

charlie.elliot said:


> I have no patience with threads like this. Male INFJs are just like female INFJs. How limited is your view on gender anyway?


Men and women aren't different?




> And honestly INFJ seems like one of the more "masculine" types anyway; certainly the most "masculine" of all the Feeler types. And that's masculine in a stereotypical way of course.


How so? I don't see it at all in myself nor in my BroNFJ.


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## Kerik_S

Rabid Seahorse said:


> Male INFJ's give off sort of intelligent stoner vibe to me.


Unless we have hyperactive-variant ADHD! ^_^


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## Kerik_S

Fenix Wulfheart said:


> That's the part I agree with. As I said, I agree that understanding others requires looking at the issue through the lens of gender. I get the sense you saw my comment as opposing yours; it was more of a comment intended to highlight that you and the person you were talking to earlier both had a point.
> 
> What I am trying to impart is that it is important to be able to look at the issue from outside the binary as well. I am saying it is important to look at the issue from the perspective of non-gendered identity AND Gendered Identity. There are people in both camps and more besides.
> 
> An issue is not fully understood by any single viewpoint. It is impossible. There is one real truth of reality and a few billion perceptions of it. All we can do is out best, and to that end I do think that what you say about "acting as if gender doesn't or shouldn't exist" is spot on. I, personally, believe gender should not exist any more as anything more than personal quirks of those that choose it. That does not mean that the world changes to match my wish. So yes, you are quite right.


Ahh. Thank you for clearing that up for me. I thought you were in that ever-increasing-in-numbers camp of deconstruct-the-binary-by-making-deference-_-only-to-nonbinary (-or mostly-to-nonbinary)_, that is the hellspawn of Tumblr. xD

My time on Tumblr made me very very cynical about humanity. :X

Wanting something to change usually ends up incendiary if you can't also accept the viewpoints of the people who haven't changed, so I'm glad you're reasonable about that.

Gender is, inherently, nothing but a collection of arbitrarily-chosen "personal quirks" lumped together and tagged with the labels "masculine" and "feminine". So, when I say "some people subscribe to gender", I'm saying that they like the way some of those things are labelled, identify with it and organize their identities around it.

I don't do much of that anymore, but there are certain behaviors/attitudinal-alignments that I believe constitute a sort of spiritual "yin" and "yang" that differs from mundane masculinity and femininity, but does seem very real. But, if I were to tally the number of aspects of my psyche that make up distinct units of personality (both in what I express and how I function internally), I may end up with a proportionate number of traits that fit in (1) Yin and (2) Yang, and even (3) Quiessence, which is basically when Yin or yang becomes the other. So, internally I'm androgynous, but I personally have learned to like calling people dude and speaking in a blunt manner.

Outwardly, I'm yang. Inwardly, I'm probably "chi-fluid" xD. But, when someone calls me feminine, I still feel genuinely off-put. Not because I'm gay and it's usually used in a derogatory or stereotypical (and presumptuous) manner, but because it just seems inaccurate, and I dislike imprecision.

I guess that means my expression is masculine, my identity is fluid, but my "preferred gender labels" are still masculine. And, I understand why the first part is true (just a preference on how I'd like to carry myself, which just makes me feel more like "The Me I Know And Love". I understand why the second part is true.

But I don't know why the linguistic labels get me when they don't "line up". But, I'm not about to change it. I don't feel like a man. I feel like an Adult Version of a Dude with lingering boyish tendencies.


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## Kerik_S

Gender is such a con. A powerful con, but still a con.


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## Elaihr

@Kerik_S


> People assume I'm eccentric. They don't mention feminine or masculine in particular. Uhh... that I can't handle my emotions. That just because I can dig really deeply into something and dissect it from 09381209382109 different angles on the spot, that that must mean that when I walk away, I'm spinning things around in my head endlessly. No. If someone is talking to me about how I think I might be processing something emotionally, I have to project it onto a sort of dissection table through a Ti filter, look at my own reaction to something as if it were someone else's (Fe) and use a very, very personalized and unorthodox way of translating it into something that I'm able to articulate....
> 
> So, yes, if you ask an INFJ about something emotional, and they invest themselves in the process of explaining that to you, it's going to look like a lot of brain power for what might be a simple task for others. But, no, it doesn't mean I'm walking around thinking about that stuff all the time. I'm just incredibly good at dissecting random things on the fly. Because I do it to make sense of the world around me, not because I'm some neurotic mess dripping in his feelings all the time.


Thank you for putting words to my thoughts. I think you've done so a few times now... Anyway, I'm no male INFJ, but I've been told it's funny that I always try to explain things. For example, if someone asks how I'm feeling I might tell them I'm unsure, but that I think I feel like *whatever feeling it may be*, and that it's probably because *some series of events, past feelings or thoughts about is yet to come*. If I don't get to explain it like this, I honestly can't tell myself what I'm feeling (at least not more nuanced than "good", "bad" or "okay").


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## Kerik_S

Elaihr said:


> @_Kerik_S_
> 
> Thank you for putting words to my thoughts. I think you've done so a few times now... Anyway, I'm no male INFJ, but I've been told it's funny that I always try to explain things. For example, if someone asks how I'm feeling I might tell them I'm unsure, but that I think I feel like *whatever feeling it may be*, and that it's probably because *some series of events, past feelings or thoughts about is yet to come*. If I don't get to explain it like this, I honestly can't tell myself what I'm feeling (at least not more nuanced than "good", "bad" or "okay").


Exactly. My process used to be explicitly what you're talking about. Eventually, some of that started to process without-a-hitch internally, and I wouldn't need to vocalize the "unsure + what I think I'm feeling + because of series of events + internal possibilities and reactions" out loud, and would process it in my mind and then vocalize the resulting "I feel" statements... as if I actually knew in the first place.

It makes it so people take my "I feel" statements more seriously to do the footwork internally and just speak of the result, and then gauge whether or not they're intersted in how I came to that conclusion about what I'm feeling.


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## Elaihr

@Kerik_S I think I'll take what you've written as advice. After all, it's highly possible for me to wait and not reply until I've sorted it out internally at first (unless I'm talking to someone very impatient). I'm not sure what it'll be like but it's worth a try, and if anything it might make me feel more certain of my own feelings


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## Kerik_S

Elaihr said:


> @_Kerik_S_ I think I'll take what you've written as advice. After all, it's highly possible for me to wait and not reply until I've sorted it out internally at first (unless I'm talking to someone very impatient). I'm not sure what it'll be like but it's worth a try, and if anything it might make me feel more certain of my own feelings


Aww! Thank you for using your everyday interactions as a chance to increase your growth as a person. It's refreshing to see. Not that I'm some final bastion of advice, but I do believe everyone can learn from one another, and I'm happy that my words are being utilized for something good. ^_^


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## jaeric

1. People often see me as cold, flat, nonreactive, and emotionless. I blend into the background and most don't notice me at all. After a few words people see me as intelligent but still with a flat personality.

2. After befriending me people see that I am very caring, generous, and warm. I put others first and some people can take advantage of that. I've been described as very easy to get along with and extremely nice. 

3. Many people think of INFJs and good communicators and writers. For me however, I am very soft spoken and short winded. Partly because no one else seems interested or capable of understanding my ideas. I can create an entirely different world in my head but I struggle to verbalize it and have an extremely hard time wring about anything. I am a very visual person and think much of my thoughts in images and feelings rather than in any spoken/written language. Therefore I have to painstakingly translate all my thoughts in order to communicate them.

4. I don't like most sports, I find them pointless and boring. the closest I came to liking a sport was when I was a teenager I was really into airsoft. Really just anything to do with militarism or guns. It developed into a kind of obsession about protecting everyone around me. I always wanted to be the hero, but I never wanted people to expect me to be the hero. Basically I love helping people so long as they don't ask me to. People having expectations for me, even in a small way, causes anxiety and I shut down and isolate myself.

5. I have very few real friends, regardless of gender. I can easily relate to most people, but very few of them can relate to me. Out of the small number of real friends I've had I would say its about 2/3 male and 1/3 female. The friendships I have are mainly filled with deep thought about people, society, religion, ect...

6. Being rare mixed with my romantic idealism always made me feel like I was special and meant to do something great that no one else could ever achieve. It also means that the world doesn't operate the way I do or have the same values, this makes life incredibly hard to swallow. This has causes severe depression in my life, both because I haven't achieved epic greatness, and because I can't achieve a mediocre life either. It makes me question if I can do anything at all.

7. I think most gender stereotypes are ridiculous. I'm a man that is very tender and affectionate in a relationship and only want long term relationships. Although I have have plenty of interest in sex like most men, the thought of a sexual relationship with someone that I don't love or doesn't love me is very depressing. I'm also not at all competitive (not exactly a male stereotype). On top of that, I have never met a woman that could understand what I feel or think. If I completely open up to someone they typically dismiss what I feel as being unrealistic/not important or say that I need to think about things differently, or often fail to comprehend what I said at all.

P.S. The personality of Superman in "Man of Steel" is a pretty good representation of me. But only the "Man of Steel" version, not any of the other versions of Superman.


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## jacobsays

I'm a male INFJ and figured this would be a good first thread for me. 

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Throughout my life many people have thought of me a a jerk, harsh, pretentious, shy, cold or dry. I had one friend introduce me once as his "jerk-friend"...(we aren't friends anymore after that incident). 

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you? 

I've never been characterized as feminine that I know of. Most people I know just tell me I come off as harsh at first, then when I talk (before they know me well) I'm sort of a know-it-all or somewhat awkward. I'm very observant when I first meet people so I process their actions and emotions and how they talk and handle different social interactions so I can better befriend them once I start talking to them. To some, they don't notice this so when I start talking to them I'm really charming, but most just think I'm being really weird, quiet and cold in the corner. 

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
I once had a friend in high school tell me that I was a teddy bear, but when she met me she didn't like me cause she thought I was a jerk. I've been defended by old friends as loyal, thoughtful, loving, having a good heart and calm spirited. Most of the people I work with are women and I am told I'm very sweet and gentle in appearance. 

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

Never met an INFJ female that I know of. Sorry. 

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?

I like sports to an extent. I can appreciate athleticism and I played sports when I was younger. I never watch sporting events though and I get made fun of by the other men in my family for not hunting, fishing, or ever watching any televised sporting event. 

I love to read. I play many instruments. I write poetry sometimes. I love camping, hiking and kayaking. I like carpentry. I've been know to collect things like coins, books, comic books, game cards when I was younger, records...but when my collections get too big I sell, throw away or give away everything because the more things I have, the more stressed I get. It doesn't make sense, I know. 

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
I have very few friends. I recently purged many friends out of my life in the past 3 years or so. I found if they had negative energy or didn't really know me (i.e. friend that introduced me as a "jerk-friend") I stopped talking to them. I only keep up with three guy friends. One loves camping and the outdoors like I do. Another likes the same music as I do and we worked together when we were younger (I only see him about once a year). And one has really deep conversations with me about religion, family, life, our philosophies on everything and so on. I have one really good girl-friend other than my wife and my wife's friends. This girl friend and I only talk a few times a year and I keep her at arms length because I have made her husband jealous before by accident. She trusted me with her emotional stresses and such during a hard life phase. 

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 

I feel like every conversation I have (aside from my 4 friends and my wife) are like out of body experiences because nobody can really get me. Because of this I kinda mask my true self so as not to confuse, offend or bore anyone. If I can sense anything in someone I don't like, I will shut myself off and literally not talk to them if they address me. My wife hates this and says she can see a change instantly in the way I even look at people when I decide I don't agree with something about them. I get bored easily when talking to people if it's small talk or mundane things like what they had for dinner last night. I'd rather people come to me looking for comfort or help with something I can empathize with them about. I need to talk about my feeling a lot and usually I find it better to talk about my feelings while helping others figure out their own issues. In this way I don't feel so selfish. People who know me well ask me for relationship advise all the time. I guess because I listen and usually the advise I give gets good reviews once practiced. I can usually put a time stamp on relationships too even though I don't like it and I pull away from people when I sense they are about to have a break up or relationship issue. This way I'm not helping any self-fulfilling prophecies. I rant all the time to my wife in the car on the way to a dinner party and I'll rant all the way home after about various things...but while at the event, I'll rarely talk.

This is honestly the first time I have ever heard of INFJ's having strong feminine strengths though. I have heard INFJ males are rare which I wasn't aware of until a few weeks ago because the priest who married my wife and I is also an INFJ and I can tell. My wife does seem to brag about me much to her friends because I "get" her though. Guys married to or dating my wife's friends have not liked me in the past because she brags so much about me when to me I treat her as any guy should treat a lady he is with. 

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?

For the birds. I'm a feminist so I believe women and men are equal and both can do the stereotypical duties of each gender without shame.


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## sirensdownfall

*Me as an INFJ*

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?

Most people think I'm stand-offish and no nonsense at first.

2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?

I'm goofy as hell, saying things like "nyah" randomly, making stupid jokes, doing silly things.

3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?

I only know one female INFJ and we are actually a perfect match. In fact, she's in love with me. I guess the main differences between her an I are that I have more of the intuitive ability than she does. What you have to understand about determining differences, and the difficulty in doing so, is that just because you and another person both fall under the same umbrella, doesn't mean it's to the same extent. There are degrees to each trait, and not everyone shares the same degree.

4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?

I don't like sports... at all... but I'm not sure if that's because of my personality type or if it's because my father chose not to include me in his own love of sports. I'm more into making music, though. I write and record my own songs. I would also like to write a couple of novels. I have the ideas, but the writing process is to incredibly tedious. I also love martial arts and self-defense, in general.

5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?

I don't have a lot of guy friends. Most men exemplify all of the reasons why women think men are pigs, and I don't like being lumped up with them. Then there's the fact that I don't like sports and I generally don't feel like I fit in with most men that I meet because of that as well as the differences in how we view women and dating. But, the men that I do call friends, I suppose you could say I show my friendship in a few ways, by touching (not in a homosexual way), poking fun, having meaningful conversations, etc.

As far as women goes... that's hard to say. I'm in the process of dating and trying to find a relationship so I do have women in my life, but not really female friends. In general, though... I am very respectful toward the women that I do know, I open doors, I'm protective of them, I do things for them without having to be asked.

As for the question of whether I have more male or female friends... I don't really have what I would consider "friends"... so I guess neither, would be the answer.

6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 

I don't think the INFJ strengths are typical of any specific gender, and I'm not sure where that is coming from. I've done quite a bit of research on the INFJ personality type and have never seen or heard the traits referred to as being feminine. Perhaps you are giving women more credit than they deserve in this. But I find being part of the rarest personality group to be very lonely. This is why I don't have friends. People simply don't understand me, and people generally tend to stay away or shun what they don't understand. I have people who call themselves my friends... but we never really spend time together. I'm not the type who gets invited to parties... which is a bit sad, but at the same time I'm not the party type, anyway. Still would be nice to be invited. I enjoy the strengths, though. I can tell when someone is being fake or usually if they're lying to me. I can sense how others feel and empathize with great accuracy with those feelings, even if I've never experienced what they're going through before.

7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?

I don't quit understand this question. For the most part, all stereotypes are based on observation of a group of people over an extended period of time. That being said, they wouldn't exist if there wasn't some measure of truth to them. How do I feel about stereotypes? I feel that pointing out them out is more of an issue than accepting them for what they are. And they are not always true of each gender. Women thing that all men are into big boobs and love butts. Ok... I have to admit, butts are great, but I prefer smaller breasts. they're cuter, and I like cute. I have to say, though... I do love butts. And then there's the stereotype that black people love chicken... though I know a lot of black people who do, I do know a guy who hates chicken and won't eat it at all. There is always an exception to any rule, and the key is recognizing that just because most women/men are X, doesn't mean that every man/woman is X.


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## Noctis

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?
I am seen as eccentric, logical like a T, shy, introverted, when I open up I am much more talkative, funny, and straightforward. 

Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?
Some people think I am a mixture of both. They think I am a slow thinker, very reserved, uber serious, closed off and shy. I can give off a nearly thinker vibe as far as being straightforward, to the point, logical, and at times brutally honest. To more macho people, I am seen as feminine, whereas women think I am a mixture of both. 
2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
I am more funny, provocative in humor, more comfortable to open up to the person, hang out, ask them about themselves, enjoy friendship time. 
3.) How is your INFPness similar and different than that of a female INFP?
INFP males can be different than female as far as some are more Tish and logical (like me), whereas more are more in tune with their F. A female INFP I know is very into poetry, more a tomboy, doesn't give a shit about gender roles, is cynical, and intellectual, and emotionally sensitive. I too had issues with gender roles, became more cynical, seemed androgynous to people, and gave a T vibe to some people, whereas the F vibe came from people who knew me better. 
4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
I am into video and computer gaming, martial arts and nature photography, game screenshotting. I am not into traditional sports, as I find them boring. I used to play basketball and soccer, but lost interest in them. I do martial arts, but I am not too much into the competitive aspect of it, as some who are more into the sports aspect of it are. 
5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
I have few guy friends, as I am best friends with a male INTJ, am friends with a male INFJ, am pretty close friends with a male ENFP, and close acquaintances with a male IxFP and male INFJ. As far as girl friends, I really admire a female ExFP, as she is very warm and sweet. I had a lot more female friends in middle school, high school, and college. My friends in high school comprised of NFs and NTs. 
6.) What is it like being one of the rarest personality group of all? Is having strengths typically associated with females in our society an advantage or disadvantage? 
I think being a male INFP is seen as a fish outta water in Western society. Men are "expected" to be into sports, be emotionally stoic all the time, be good at mechanical stuff, be decisive, be popular with the ladies sexually and romantically, be socially adept, which I am not. I think my divergence from the stereotype of a man not only makes "normal" people uneasy, but also makes them less interested in getting to know me better and think I am "boring". 
7.) How do you feel about gender stereotypes?
They are a lot of cock and bull. While I can appear and act masculine on the surface, I have a warm and gooey inside and heart. I had issues during college of women who treated me less than respectfully and treated me as I was "less than masculine" due to me being more emotionally open and vulnerable. Some guys made fun of me not being very muscular. I was taken advantage by a woman in college who gave me an initial attracted vibe, then blatantly flirted with more traditionally masculine and macho men in front of me. I also was the subject of a compare contrast game that a young lady played with me by initially comparing me to her boyfriend's traits, then later contrasted them by telling me blatantly about his more muscular body, his physical prowess and his physical strength, and she deliberately made me feel less masculine by asking me if I was physically strong, as "I didn't have the body of a martial artist" and she also treated me shittily through cold stares and giving the cold shoulder when I was emotionally vulnerable and sensitive, whereas when she was emotionally vulnerable, she appreciated my sensitivity, but not when the roles were reversed, as she treated me shittily for expressing my vulnerable feelings.


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## chongczh

1.) At first glance how do you appear to people?
Quiet?Non-existent or something like that.I was in the same class as my friend for 5 years and she didn't notice I was in her class until the 3rd year.lmao
Basically, what type of person do people that don't know you very well think you are? Do people think you're personality seems a little feminine? (sorry) Misconceptions people make about you?
I think they actually see me as a brash loud guy or something similar,but really a nice person at the same time.
2.) Once you start getting to know someone and start revealing more of who you are then what are you like?
To the friends closest to me,I become rather quiet and reserved again lol,I suppose it really depends on who i'm with .3.
3.) How is your INFJness similar and different than that of a female INFJ?
No idea,I suck at typing people so I'm not sure I've seen or had an INFJ female friend :/
4.) Hobbies, interests? Do you guys like sports?
Photography,drawing,gaming.I used to do sports quite a lot,but then that died down after a while since no one ever passes the ball(if its a ball game for example) to me lol.Kinda just felt like watching the game happen instead of standing in the pitch with no one noticing.
5.) What are your relationships like with your guy friends? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
they're cool.But most of my guy friends seems very...active..(?) (I have more guy friends,but I would prefer girl friends since they're less..active.Idk the words to use HAHAHA)
6.) What is it like being the rarest personality group of all?
I could care less about being the rarest :x


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## inmymind

I am a male INFJ. I just recently joined this site because of the need to connect with others like me. No easy feat, right (finding people like me I mean)?

1. People see me as serious and intense. Chatty. I think its my passion about things, and maybe I don't control my volume of voice too well so some can be intimidated. 
2. Open and sharing about what I think, and who I am, and wanting to know more about the people I am talking with
3. I think I can be more decisive and take control? Actually, I am not sure. I don't have any experience dealing with people AND knowing the type. 
4. I always loved sports growing up and played on many basketball and football teams throughout my life. I am very competitive when I play, and play very intensely. My other hobbies are gardening/landscaping, home improvement. I use to play guitar and sing, but I haven't been in the past 4 years because it sometimes makes me sad (love songs). But, it use to bring me job. Maybe I've just been too depressed to play? Or, maybe its because to get to the level I want I would have to play for hours per week, and I just don't have that kind of time, so I don't play.

5. I don't have a lot of friends. I have some guy friends, but I have a lot of girl friends that I write back and forth with. 

6. I think men and women are generally different in the things they like and do. Of course, there are exceptions. Maybe 10% don't fit the stereotype? Just a guess. It could easily be 20%. I think being accepting of those differences and not making fun of them is key.


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## Necrilia

A male INFJ is an elf. 

Maybe there's a good reason why there are far more INFJ females than males...

They would collapse from cuteness/elegance/intelligence/compassion/etc. all the time. Elves, I'm telling you!


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