# Fi pressured to use Fe



## OliveBranch (Aug 30, 2017)

Maybe it's because I'm a feeler first (INFP), but I have always pressured myself and put myself down for not being an extroverted feeler. I have often thought it'd be a lot easier if I was one. I'm not saying I don't accept myself, and I do like knowing the certain of my personality that I can attribute to Fi, but man oh man a lot of problems wouldn't have existed if I used Fe and Ti. I have also felt socially pressured, because a part of my subconscious wants to be accepted and connect with others. I want to be of value, but I also want to be liked for who I am. I often want to get out of my head and negativity, and just feed off of the energy of the group. Whenever a group situation is so light and playful, I'm envious of that, because I feel like I cannot offer the same thing. I could go on and on about this and the struggles of elementary school. Loneliness really comes from it, because nobody can see the Fi, and frankly I don't want to put it out there, because it's often perceived as selfish and too much to handle.


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## JackSparroww (Dec 10, 2010)

You want to be liked thats your sole problem with Fe


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

A lot of people would love you for who you are! INFPs are so lovable!! (I have never met an INFP I didn't instantly like!) I may be wrong, but it sounds like you are uncertain of yourself in social settings, so others are reflecting that uncertainty back to you. People tend to mirror back to us our own attitudes about ourselves. Or, sometimes, our own confirmation bias causes us to read other's reactions to us as though they were the same as our own thoughts about ourselves. I think if you go out there armed with the confidence that others will love you just as you are, you will not feel the need for Fe in order to make friends. Please know that you already have what it takes to have a lot of friends! Don't give up!


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## Kizuna (Jul 30, 2011)

OliveBranch said:


> I have also felt socially pressured, because a part of my subconscious wants to be accepted and connect with others. I want to be of value, but I also want to be liked for who I am.


I'm Fe aux but I've struggled with some of the things you've mentioned, especially during middle school. My Fe was awkward and immature and I used (as I now understand) too much Ti to numb myself. Having Fe doesn't automatically mean benefiting from its best qualities as you seem to think, especially if there is the abstract, detached, otherworldly Ni above it.

As @*emerald sea* said, Fi is extremely lovely and valuable the way it is!
Fi inspires Fe, and Fe inspires Fi.


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## Hottest_Commie_Ever (Nov 11, 2015)

I've heard lots of similar complaints from Fi peeps because i know lots of FP types. Where i live, people like you are more common and it's the Fe types that are considered "extra"  However, not having strong Fe doesn't mean you can't use it. You just can't use it to the extent an ExFJ or IxFJ can, it won't be that sophisticated.

Although it's easier said than done, you can try to recognize, observe and perhaps mirror back some things that people feel when you're interacting with a group, or even one-on-one. If you're curious to know what Fe looks/feels like, try it out and see how it goes. Just small things, like smiling and encouraging people quietly. And if it doesn't feel right for you then you know that you just have to stick with Fi and keep developing your conscious functions.

Frankly, Fi might be better in some social situations because it's seen as more intrinsic and less superficial than Fe, and less "extra". Interaction supported by Fi allows people to resonate on a different level, to appreciate each other for their intrinsic selves.


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## Bastard (Feb 4, 2018)

It's _so hard_ being _special_ .


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

I am (Fe) PoLR and have no clue what it meant by "pressured by society" to utilize (Fe), nor do I feel uncomfortable or give two hoots about (Fe) expressions. Chin up, buttercup.


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## InkMyUmbrella (May 23, 2017)

Kinda funny. I feel 'pressured' to use 'Fi' all the time! So I know exactly how you mean. 
I also have always secretly admired how bold fi users are, though I struggle with that function constantly.


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## OliveBranch (Aug 30, 2017)

Bastard said:


> It's _so hard_ being _special_ .


Where are you getting the notion that I think I'm special from?


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## Hottest_Commie_Ever (Nov 11, 2015)

InkMyUmbrella said:


> Kinda funny. I feel 'pressured' to use 'Fi' all the time! So I know exactly how you mean.
> I also have always secretly admired how bold fi users are, though I struggle with that function constantly.


How do you feel pressured to use Fi? I've never heard of that except in preschool, "be true to who you are! Show your true colours!" XD


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## Hottest_Commie_Ever (Nov 11, 2015)

OliveBranch said:


> Where are you getting the notion that I think I'm special from?


You're talking about how you're different and how you find it hard to relate to a group. Just a joke about the Fi "special" stereotype (i hope)


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## InkMyUmbrella (May 23, 2017)

Hottest_Commie_Ever said:


> How do you feel pressured to use Fi? I've never heard of that except in preschool, "be true to who you are! Show your true colours!" XD


We must have had completely different upbringing, then, cuz idk what else to tell ya. My entire life has been filled with admiring people who stood out, who were bold, who didn't care what others thought of them. Add onto that the fact that I'm a Millenial surrounded by the "be TRUE to yourself. Be UNIQUE" mantras, and you have a recipe for internal turmoil lol.
I've been told constantly, growing up, that people actually want to get to know the real me, and not the fake persona I exhibit just to please people.

The problem is, my fi is probably a garbled mess compared to yours because it already isn't a natural preference of mine. It isn't very automatic, so I need to fully clear my head before I can analyze my values in the very moment to determine what I believe is right or wrong, what I really like or dislike...and then I tend to over think things and over-analyze to the point of never truly reaching an answer.


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## Hottest_Commie_Ever (Nov 11, 2015)

InkMyUmbrella said:


> We must have had completely different upbringing, then, cuz idk what else to tell ya. My entire life has been filled with admiring people who stood out, who were bold, who didn't care what others thought of them. Add onto that the fact that I'm a Millenial surrounded by the "be TRUE to yourself. Be UNIQUE" mantras, and you have a recipe for internal turmoil lol.
> I've been told constantly, growing up, that people actually want to get to know the real me, and not the fake persona I exhibit just to please people.
> 
> The problem is, my fi is probably a garbled mess compared to yours because it already isn't a natural preference of mine. It isn't very automatic, so I need to fully clear my head before I can analyze my values in the very moment to determine what I believe is right or wrong, what I really like or dislike...and then I tend to over think things and over-analyze to the point of never truly reaching an answer.


Compared to my Fi? That's supposed to be my trickster function. I'm never quite aware of when i use it, so i can't tell you much, sorry.

Ohhhh i see what you mean, but to me that mantra just seems fake. Because in the end people only care when you follow social norms and when you think about THEM, not you. There are sooo many tumblr, instagram, and whatever posts there that just throw INFP-ness into my face, but in real life nobody ever acts that way.

A particularly ridiculous and common example is Instagram captions. A girl snaps a selfie or a pic of a sunset, puts something like "The water is deepest where nobody touches it" (just a quick one i invented, don't judge), and everyone comments sensory stuff about the picture "wow, amazing shot, so gorgeous", and the person acts NOTHING like that deep sh*t in real life.

It's absolutely alright if you don't display Fi. In fact, people would probably prefer you not to, but since we're all encouraged to be "inclusive" they kinda grimace at Fi displays and don't voice their disgust out loud.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

Just remember, no matter what the type, everyone has issues to deal with. It may be a different brand of issues, but there's still gonna be difficulties. Personally I'm another IxFJ who's had the exact same problems as you have and I've probably become overly indulgent of my Ti and buried into the highly symbolic and incomprehensible(to others) Ni world. I'd say for you if you feel something's missing, it probably means you need to engage your Ne more because Ne will find value in what it can get from the external world, from people, and it may relieve anxiety stemming from Fi and Si if you focus on your Ne needs. Not to mention Ne can be quite witty and extremely playful


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## L P (May 30, 2017)

InkMyUmbrella said:


> We must have had completely different upbringing, then, cuz idk what else to tell ya. My entire life has been filled with admiring people who stood out, who were bold, who didn't care what others thought of them. Add onto that the fact that I'm a Millenial surrounded by the "be TRUE to yourself. Be UNIQUE" mantras, and you have a recipe for internal turmoil lol.
> I've been told constantly, growing up, that people actually want to get to know the real me, and not the fake persona I exhibit just to please people.
> 
> The problem is, my fi is probably a garbled mess compared to yours because it already isn't a natural preference of mine. It isn't very automatic, so I need to fully clear my head before I can analyze my values in the very moment to determine what I believe is right or wrong, what I really like or dislike...and then I tend to over think things and over-analyze to the point of never truly reaching an answer.


You probably use Fi best when it's done through Ti, since you say you analyze what you like and dislike, sounds very Ti like, you probably have strong convictions to facts you've collected or the knowledge you know.

Also your envy may sound like it's an envy for Fi, but it sounds more like an Ne-Ti envy. Bold/different/= and don't care what people think of them, That's more Ne and Ti. But those Mantras do sound very Fi. And if you Try to Fi you'll probably just feel like "This isn't me" or you might not really care about your own Fi lol it might give you a feeling of feeling too self involved.


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## OliveBranch (Aug 30, 2017)

InkMyUmbrella said:


> We must have had completely different upbringing, then, cuz idk what else to tell ya. My entire life has been filled with admiring people who stood out, who were bold, who didn't care what others thought of them. Add onto that the fact that I'm a Millenial surrounded by the "be TRUE to yourself. Be UNIQUE" mantras, and you have a recipe for internal turmoil lol.
> I've been told constantly, growing up, that people actually want to get to know the real me, and not the fake persona I exhibit just to please people.
> 
> The problem is, my fi is probably a garbled mess compared to yours because it already isn't a natural preference of mine. It isn't very automatic, so I need to fully clear my head before I can analyze my values in the very moment to determine what I believe is right or wrong, what I really like or dislike...and then I tend to over think things and over-analyze to the point of never truly reaching an answer.


The thing is, being "true to who you are" is not introverted feeling. What comes naturally to you is being true to who you are, so it wouldn't be authentic for someone without introverted feeling to want to be one. Just like it isn't authentic for me to want to be an extroverted feeler. Extroverted feeling is my fifth function, so it's definitely still in my head and a consideration, but very loosely and poorly used compared to someone who uses it in their top four. The pressures of other people can often make it seem like we're missing something, but rather it's just other people's personalities attempting to be pushed onto you. We all do it, it's hard not to when it's the only way of processing you've ever known.


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## OliveBranch (Aug 30, 2017)

Hottest_Commie_Ever said:


> Compared to my Fi? That's supposed to be my trickster function. I'm never quite aware of when i use it, so i can't tell you much, sorry.
> 
> Ohhhh i see what you mean, but to me that mantra just seems fake. Because in the end people only care when you follow social norms and when you think about THEM, not you. There are sooo many tumblr, instagram, and whatever posts there that just throw INFP-ness into my face, but in real life nobody ever acts that way.
> 
> ...


I mean, it's okay to use any function and display any function. Nothing is actually hidden, it cannot be. Introverted functions are not based in objective reality, but are displayed nonetheless. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "displaying Fi." Unhealthy representations (just like with any function) can be quite unpleasant and problematic. I do cringe at the idea of the type of person you're referring to really. That sort of INFP is not the typical, or it's probably a younger manifestation of one.


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## knifey (Jun 25, 2017)

OliveBranch said:


> Maybe it's because I'm a feeler first (INFP), but I have always pressured myself and put myself down for not being an extroverted feeler. I have often thought it'd be a lot easier if I was one. I'm not saying I don't accept myself, and I do like knowing the certain of my personality that I can attribute to Fi, but man oh man a lot of problems wouldn't have existed if I used Fe and Ti. I have also felt socially pressured, because a part of my subconscious wants to be accepted and connect with others. I want to be of value, but I also want to be liked for who I am. I often want to get out of my head and negativity, and just feed off of the energy of the group. Whenever a group situation is so light and playful, I'm envious of that, because I feel like I cannot offer the same thing. I could go on and on about this and the struggles of elementary school. Loneliness really comes from it, because nobody can see the Fi, and frankly I don't want to put it out there, because it's often perceived as selfish and too much to handle.


Fe is overrated  Take it from somebody who has it, and neglects the shit out of it. Fuck people... they're all stupid.



OliveBranch said:


> Introverted functions are not based in objective reality


Who cares? You are your own reality. My Ti makes me smarter than everybody, why? Because I've built up more knowledge in my Si that's full of TRUTH. My Ti makes it true, and everything is measured for truth by my Ti. Fuck reality... I store my own pocket of reality, enough to my my introverted thinking work great. Trust your gut, trust your Si has stored the right information. Let your Ne open up the mysteries of everything around you.

You have a beautiful art-filled soul, that always looks for the best and finds it. Let yourself be happy. Stop trying to be impressive, just do what makes you happy and people will love you for it.


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## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

The grass isn't always greener and you can develop your functions if you'd like to.
Fe is about considering group harmony and such so perhaps it'd help to study sociology vs psychology.
Study socionics more than the MBTI.
Read books on building rapport with people.
Read books on overcoming emotional situations, etc.

There are always going to be those that like you for who you are and those who dislike you for who you are but the role of Fi is to live your life by your standards and to be truly authentic. If it's not something you do very well perhaps you have Fi in a more inferior position? Sometimes the positioning of the cognitive function and the 4 dichotomies of the MBTI don't match up perfectly.


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## Sour Roses (Dec 30, 2015)

I *really wish* some functions weren't so oversimplified in the popular understanding of them. 
I've watched good conversations happening with both Fi and Fe happily bantering around between people. This is the normal way, they are responsive to each other.
Fe types can also have trouble shouldering into a group, especially if it isn't a good fit.

It's actually more of an introvert/extrovert issue than anything. Some E's just don't shut up, and some I's just can't find their presence enough to push (don't worry, it comes with time if you don't give up).

Extroverted morals / emotional reading does not equate to charm & presence & being a lump of goo for others to mold. 
Introverted ethics / emotional understanding does not equate to crying in the corner while blogging on the internet about shelter animals rights. 
One only has to look at a couple typical EFPs to realize suave comes in Fi form too (maybe moreso). While EFJs are perfectly capable of showing the world what awkwardly riled up looks like.

Remember class - functions are a process, not a result.


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## Aiwass (Jul 28, 2014)

Sour Roses said:


> Introverted ethics / emotional understanding does not equate to crying in the corner while blogging on the internet about shelter animals rights.


Exactly. It baffles me how everyone who falls into the stereotype of "sensitive, awkward, depressed guy" is typed as INFP right away.


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## Hottest_Commie_Ever (Nov 11, 2015)

OliveBranch said:


> I mean, it's okay to use any function and display any function. Nothing is actually hidden, it cannot be. Introverted functions are not based in objective reality, but are displayed nonetheless. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "displaying Fi." Unhealthy representations (just like with any function) can be quite unpleasant and problematic. I do cringe at the idea of the type of person you're referring to really. That sort of INFP is not the typical, or it's probably a younger manifestation of one.


I don't think they're all INFPs, they're just trying to sound "deep" because all the cool kids do it.

Hmm, what i meant by "display" was stuff like: saying your personal value judgments out loud, expression of your unique self, etc. Basically expressing the function in a way that is very clear to others, the way elementary school teachers tell us to "be your true self" and "do what you believe is the right thing to do". More discreet ways of using Fi could be avoiding someone who lied to your friend because you believe that lying is absolutely immoral, and you wouldn't want to interact with immoral people who hurt others. This is also visible but it's not quite "display", because i'd define "display" as more open and purposefully externalizing the decisions made (or things learned) by your internal function.

Another example: a "display" of Ti could be pointing out the logical discrepancies in someone's argument. A discreet usage of it could be reading a book and noticing plot inconsistencies, but not saying it out loud. I hope this clears it up.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Hottest_Commie_Ever said:


> You're talking about how you're different and how you find it hard to relate to a group. Just a joke about the Fi "special" stereotype (i hope)


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## Hottest_Commie_Ever (Nov 11, 2015)

ENIGMA15 said:


>


lmao that's straight-up Buzzfeed and i swear 80% of teen girls feel pressured to be INFP for that stupid company that uses exaggerated liberal ideals to get attention.

Wait, did i say - oh, i'm so sorry, i meant buzzSHIT. Can't have a post with inaccuracies


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Hottest_Commie_Ever said:


> lmao that's straight-up Buzzfeed and i swear 80% of teen girls feel pressured to be INFP for that stupid company that uses exaggerated liberal ideals to get attention.
> 
> Wait, did i say - oh, i'm so sorry, i meant buzzSHIT. Can't have a post with inaccuracies


I posted the one on ESTPs in our, What makes you laugh thread....

This one reminded me of my best friend sooooo much lol The blanket on the head is a little over exaggeration but, she has INFx TV channel and exaggerated the ESTP one as well. lol Some how, someone is not going to find the humor in it and the comment you posted that I originally quoted. *shrugs* Tis life


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

OliveBranch said:


> Maybe it's because I'm a feeler first (INFP), but I have always pressured myself and put myself down for not being an extroverted feeler. I have often thought it'd be a lot easier if I was one. I'm not saying I don't accept myself, and I do like knowing the certain of my personality that I can attribute to Fi, but man oh man a lot of problems wouldn't have existed if I used Fe and Ti. I have also felt socially pressured, because a part of my subconscious wants to be accepted and connect with others. I want to be of value, but I also want to be liked for who I am. I often want to get out of my head and negativity, and just feed off of the energy of the group. Whenever a group situation is so light and playful, I'm envious of that, because I feel like I cannot offer the same thing. I could go on and on about this and the struggles of elementary school. Loneliness really comes from it, because nobody can see the Fi, and frankly I don't want to put it out there, because it's often perceived as selfish and too much to handle.


This isn't really Fi vs Fe. It's just human. Everyone can experience these things. Some are more prone to it than others, some better at hiding it than others. Often it's the ones who don't care what others think that end up being well liked.

For me personally, I enjoy being jovial and lighthearted, I enjoy banter...but even when I don't feel like it, I sometimes push myself to, because that is actually what results in me feeling better. Sometimes it's fake it til you make it.


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## Hottest_Commie_Ever (Nov 11, 2015)

ENIGMA15 said:


> I posted the one on ESTPs in our, What makes you laugh thread....
> 
> This one reminded me of my best friend sooooo much lol The blanket on the head is a little over exaggeration but, she has INFx TV channel and exaggerated the ESTP one as well. lol Some how, someone is not going to find the humor in it and the comment you posted that I originally quoted. *shrugs* Tis life


ahhh i just saw it and it's so good. I can even see the tert Fe. Thanks for the channel and the vids they make my day XD


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## Bastard (Feb 4, 2018)

Aiwass said:


> Exactly. It baffles me how everyone who falls into the stereotype of "sensitive, awkward, depressed guy" is typed as INFP right away.


I think this relates to the fact that MBTI measures preference, not strength. I'm sure those sensitive, awkward, depressed guys prefer Fi, even if their use of it is flat and cookie cutter.


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## LeSangDeCentAns (Apr 10, 2018)

Fucking Fe's


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

What's wrong with using just.... F?


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## Bastard (Feb 4, 2018)

DOGSOUP said:


> What's wrong with using just.... F?


Then what the fuck can I blame everything on? :wink:


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

Bastard said:


> Then what the fuck can I blame everything on? :wink:


May I suggest we come up with a new system to cater to your needs?


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## Neokortex (May 22, 2015)

OliveBranch said:


> I have also felt socially pressured, because a part of my subconscious wants to be accepted and connect with others. I want to be of value, *but I also want to be liked for who I am.* I often want to get out of my head and negativity, and just feed off of the energy of the group. Whenever a group situation is so light and playful, I'm envious of that, because I feel like I cannot offer the same thing. Loneliness really comes from it, because nobody can see the Fi, and frankly I don't want to put it out there, because it's often perceived as selfish and too much to handle.


Congratulations! You're one of the rare cases on this forum of a user whose indicated type is in harmony with how they describe themselves. Or at least it seems that you're authentically a "classic" INFP, contrary to all the happy-go-lucky and emoting-with-everyone "positivism-4-life" type of INFPs. Yea, @OliveBranch, welcome to the forum where you will be hated by "your type" if your sour loneliness and insightful contributions will come off as social criticism "risking" to unmask the uniformity and formalism underneath their conviviality and supposedly individualistic attitudes. It sucks to be outside of their collective dreamland.


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## Neokortex (May 22, 2015)

ENIGMA 4.0 said:


>


I've checked her other vids too... A lot of editing... And finally, in one her car talks, I recognized (well not more than 99%) that she's an ENFP. Youtube is also full with mistypes, especially liberals trying to look like very ethical and all...

It's funny to see how crowded this thread became with Fe users... All so ready to give advice. That sadness, that sorrow they can't stand to swallow.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Neokortex said:


> I've checked her other vids too... A lot of editing... And finally, in one her car talks, I recognized (well not more than 99%) that she's an ENFP. Youtube is also full with mistypes, especially liberals trying to look like very ethical and all...
> 
> It's funny to see how crowded this thread became with Fe users... All so ready to give advice. That sadness, that sorrow they can't stand to swallow.


It was the impersonation of not the question of the person type actually, making the video. : )


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## kjdaniels (May 14, 2017)

As an IxFJ, I feel like in high school especially I did all of this people pleasing to be liked by others. I also worried too much about what other people thought of me. It’d be nice to be an Fi user honestly to follow my own internal compass and sense of right or wrong and not care about what others think of me or being accepted. It’s hard for me to use Fi effectively. So my point is everyone has their struggles and what you can do is learn to appreciate your functions in a positive way and become a more well rounded person. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

I thought Fe was more of a less selfish and empathic thing (not that Fi isn't empathic but its concerned with self most of the time) sometimes I wish I was Fe instead of Fi because I can be selfish and I don't want to be selfish or whatever else that's bad in not helping people.


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