# Ask a virgin



## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Pretty much self explanatory. I myself am a male virgin. Ask me anything except anything relating to virgin shaming (such as calling me a loser). 

I never had sex in my entire life. I am 26 and have no clue on how people get from first base to home run.


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## Amelia (Aug 23, 2015)

How many people have you seriously dated?


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## ebae (Sep 21, 2015)

Do you watch porn and masturbate? If yes, stop. What active efforts have you made to getting to know women personally?


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

I had one LDR relationship which lasted 6 months and ended in 2013. I do masturbate from time to time. I used to watch porn a lot when I was dating my LDR ex who is five years my senior, but stopped a year ago. She encouraged me to look at porn. I am trying online dating, which is unsuccessful, as well as going to college alumni events. There is a particular young woman a few years younger than me who I am interested in, but she likes me only as a friend. If I see her, I ask her about herself and what she has been up to as I enjoy her company. Another woman also close to my age does enjoy my company, but I am not sure if she is interested in me or not. I too ask her about herself and what she is doing currently when I see her at reunion events. Some women at my college seemed either a bit snobby, immature, entitled, and some did use me, so I will avoid those kinds of women if I spot them at alumni events.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Is that Tommy from Kamelot in your avatar? I love Kamelot, but only pre-tommy Kamelot Mainly Khantatat era kamelot


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

What are your thoughts about sex?

Do you think you will lose your virginity, and when?

If so, do you think it would become a regular part of life? Would you like it to?

Tell us of some of the difficulties you have encountered when others find out you're a virgin?

Is sex something you'd consider necessary in a relationship? If not, what would you place above it? How would you handle a partner with a lower or higher sex drive than yourself?

Some things you'd like to try? Some things you'd never try?


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## Dania (Oct 31, 2009)

Are you hot? 

If yes, what's your number? 

LOLOLOL


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## Morfy (Dec 3, 2013)

Death Precedes said:


> Is that Tommy from Kamelot in your avatar? I love Kamelot, but only pre-tommy Kamelot Mainly Khantatat era kamelot


Since when does Tommy have a beard? lmao


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Morfy Kitty said:


> Since when does Tommy have a beard? lmao


Since yer mum made him a man ;D


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Death Precedes said:


> Is that Tommy from Kamelot in your avatar? I love Kamelot, but only pre-tommy Kamelot Mainly Khantatat era kamelot


No, it's Roy Khan.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> What are your thoughts about sex?
> 
> Do you think you will lose your virginity, and when?
> 
> ...


Sex is something reserved for someone who I would find mutually attracted to one another, and who I would deeply respect and admire, such as a future wife, whom I am attracted to intellectually, emotionally, physically, and on a social level. 

I am not sure when I will lose my virginity, so I am not sure if I will, since I had a lot of turn downs by women who I misinterpreted as being interested as more than a friend since college. 

If I did lose my virginity, sex would probably occur a few times per week, as I think my libido is lower than most, as I take a while to recharge. However, like anything else, it should be balanced with exercise, intellectual discussions, romantic nights out, time with friends, etc. 

When I revealed my virgin status on this site to a woman who had much more sexual experience as a way to sort of bring contrast and more diversity to the "Sexual Confession Times" thread, she was annoyed about my insecurity at the time of being a virgin and my fears of being made fun of for my lack of sexual experience. She in turn made fun of me a few times for being a virgin and said that men in their mid twenties or older were losers to her eyes. I was propositioned to have sex with an acquaintance, but I refused, stating that I was waiting for marriage, not for religious reasons. Some men who are virgins who I blog with who are facing similar issues feel pretty much the same way, as they are treated unfairly due to their lack of experience. Some of my friends give me advice to keep a positive outlook in life, that the right one will come when I am not expecting it, and that me being a virgin isn't the end all be all in relationships. However some of my acquaintances around my age are already married or engaged, which feels a bit awkward to be frank. I am not sure if they would help me or not (probably I won't ask fearing it would be too inappropriate and awkward). I used to be sort of religious when I was younger in regards to my views of sex before marriage, but I have become since secular and agnostic and developed less religious reasons for preserving my virginity. 

Sex wouldn't be the end all be all in a relationship, as I would like to have a lot of balance and stability in a relationship. However, I might prefer someone with lower libido, since I think my recharge-ability length after masturbation pegs me as a low libido person. I think I would be deeply nervous and uncomfortable if I were to be in a relationship with a much higher libido. If the libido is slightly higher, it would be manageable, but extremely higher, then it would be incompatible.

I would like to try the missionary position, lotus position, my future partner giving me the cowgirl/reverse cowgirl position, the spin cycle, the love seat, doggie style, legs up position aka the fusion, lap dance, the squat thrust, the crouching tiger, standing, kneeling. I wouldn't want to try anything BDSM at all or oral sex, the waterfall position, stairway position, the pretzel dip, the anvil, the flatiron, butter churner, stand and carry the wheelbarrow, mountain climber, pillow driver, spork, spooning, the mantis position, sidewinder, crisscross, snow angel, face sitter, sixty nine, the spider position. From *"45 Sex Positions Every Couple Should Try" Men's Health http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/45-sex-positions-guys-should-know*


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Annafae said:


> Are you hot?
> 
> If yes, what's your number?
> 
> LOLOLOL


Heh I would consider myself handsome, but my ex considered me gorgeous, lol.


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## mhysa (Nov 27, 2014)

Annafae said:


> Are you hot?
> 
> If yes, what's your number?
> 
> LOLOLOL












@ OP: 

what is your general attitude towards sex? do you see it as something special, just a way to get off, a way to become more emotionally close with someone, etc?

how do you feel about casual sex and hooking up? would you ever try this?

what do you hope to take away from your first time having sex? what do you hope you will be thinking or feeling afterward?


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

mhysa said:


> @ OP:
> 
> what is your general attitude towards sex? do you see it as something special, just a way to get off, a way to become more emotionally close with someone, etc?
> 
> ...


I see sex as a way to become more emotionally close to someone. 

I considered casual sex and hooking up during my last years of college, but didn't know how to initiate that, fearing that I might scare off women, so I hesitated.

I hope to take away an intimate and enjoyable experience in which would bond me better to a future partner emotionally.

What I hope I would be thinking afterwards is "wow, that felt great, but now I am exhausted in a good way" and feeling "Wow, I feel wanted, sexually attractive and more confident."


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Noctis said:


> Pretty much self explanatory. I myself am a male virgin. Ask me anything except anything relating to virgin shaming (such as calling me a loser).
> 
> I never had sex in my entire life. I am 26 and have no clue on how people get from first base to home run.


that's awesome. we had an officer in my core team who was a virgin by choice. the guy had balls of steel (I mean guts: the dude had righteous rage). we called him "the reverend" because he was like the Word of Fucking God. Like, the guy commanded respect. He was the most virle, awesome, presence I've ever been around. He could fuck, he obviously knew what was what but he didn't because he said it gave him power. Women would throw themselves at him and he wouldn't give fucks. Guys would hit on him and he didn't give fucks. Bombs could drop around him: he didn't give fucks. The guy was the hottest, sharpest, ballsiest dude I've ever met.

Conclusion: 
Male virginity = POWER (Power is hot) 
Male virgins = hawt

don't let the haters hate: they just all have STD's and wish they didn't have to use fap material to get off. lulz.


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## mhysa (Nov 27, 2014)

Noctis said:


> What I hope I would be thinking afterwards is "wow, that felt great, but now I am exhausted in a good way" and feeling "Wow, I feel wanted, sexually attractive and more confident."


sounds perfect. i hope you get to have that positive experience for your first time - everyone deserves to feel that way about sex.


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## Dania (Oct 31, 2009)

Noctis said:


> Heh I would consider myself handsome, but my ex considered me gorgeous, lol.
> View attachment 402586


I'd be shallow and say... Just get a girlfriend! Now! Times a wasting! But yea not really... Just don't wait around for the perfect girl cause the first person you get with is hardly ever the person you end up with... But that's teenage advice though.


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## BlackLikeMySoul (Sep 7, 2015)

How have you been with physical contact with past girlfriends? Do you kiss/make out less than what you think is "normal"? Do you have less of a need for physical contact than what your girlfriend have seemed to have? Have you ever gotten to a point with a girl where you think something like "I really want it, I wanna go for it now" ? Have you ever tried initiating sex?


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

AwkwardShorty said:


> How have you been with physical contact with past girlfriends? Do you kiss/make out less than what you think is "normal"? Do you have less of a need for physical contact than what your girlfriend have seemed to have? Have you ever gotten to a point with a girl where you think something like "I really want it, I wanna go for it now" ? Have you ever tried initiating sex?


I never kissed/made out or had physical contact with my ex, since it was LDR. I never kissed nor made out, so that is less than "normal". I had less of a need for sexual contact than my ex gf did. I tried to initiate a cuddling session with a young woman at my college who I knew for a bit, but she said she only liked me as a friend. I never really gotten to a point with a woman where "I really want it, I wanna go for it now" since things never progressed past the friends stage. No, I have never tried to initiate sex because I would think it would scare off/freak out the young woman.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Annafae said:


> I'd be shallow and say... Just get a girlfriend! Now! Times a wasting! But yea not really... Just don't wait around for the perfect girl cause the first person you get with is hardly ever the person you end up with... But that's teenage advice though.


How do you get from A to B?


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Would it matter if a future partner were a virgin or not?
> 
> How would you feel if you died before ever getting the chance to lost it?
> 
> What prompted you to make this thread? Most people with "ask a" titles are or have done something others aren't or haven't done, but I'm assuming everyone is a virgin at some point in time.


No it wouldn't matter if my future partner is or isn't a virgin, but if she is, then I hope she wouldn't brag about not being a virgin or demean me by contrasting my performance with that of her more experienced exes. 

If I died before I had the chance to lose it, I would accept it, but at the same time feel I really missed out in the romantic/sexual department and accept that I am unwanted by women sexually. However, I would be glad of my achievements academically and having gone so far despite being born premature. 

I prompted it to make some sort of Q&A and support group for virgins, as many virgins are stigmatized offensively in society in media like "The Forty Year Old Virgin" stereotype, the offensive "neckbearded basement dweller" stereotype, being socially stunted or delayed, not looking like the "normal" man or woman as far as behavior/physical appearance/social status, extremely religious, and or sexually repressed. As a virgin, who as a young adult male is rare in society, I wanted to form a rather interesting thread for those who want to talk about what its like to be a virgin and for non virgins to give advice (if wanted) to virgins if the virgin really wants to lose their virginity and is really struggling with the stigmas portrayed in stereotypes in film, TV, etc. I myself have social issues, as I was born with a developmental delay and have friends with autism who at times feel marginalized for being different than the "grain". In other words, I want to break down stereotypes as well.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

AwkwardShorty said:


> Are you going to tell your future partner that you are a virgin? Why/why not?
> 
> Edit: Before sex, I mean.


I do not know if I would or not. I would have to really, really trust her beforehand and know her well before disclosing that information. Plenty of therapists told me it's ok not to disclose my virginity to a future partner if I am not comfortable doing so. I would prefer that my future partner be someone who is accepting of virginity in men and is patient with me learning (if she is more experienced).


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Tega1 said:


> Have you thought about buying a sex toy?


What sex toys would be helpful for virgin males? I know plenty of virgin women use dildos. I would prefer one that actually feels like a woman's body, like ones that feel like a vagina or breasts.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Noctis said:


> I wanted to form a rather interesting thread for those who want to talk about what its like to be a virgin and for non virgins to give advice (if wanted) to virgins if the virgin really wants to lose their virginity and is really struggling with the stigmas portrayed in stereotypes in film, TV, etc. I myself have social issues, as I was born with a developmental delay and have friends with autism who at times feel marginalized for being different than the "grain". In other words, I want to break down stereotypes as well.


The stigmas of shame surrounding virginity are wrong and stupid. I didn't "loose" my virginity until my twenties, which is rare for women nowadays I hear. And even then I "lost" it due to being raped. Up until that point I was pretty proud about being a virgin (not in your face proud) but deep inside it gave me confidence. It also helped me focus on my task at hand. Even after being raped I didn't consent to sex for a long, long time, though admittedly my mentality wasn't the "same" afterwards (due to trauma). Nonetheless I'm glad I waited so long, even if I didn't "loose" it in the way that I wanted to. 

I've had other friends who are virgins by choice (both male and female). When you remain a virgin so long it becomes a sort of psyche or mentality. I notice that although I'm just as sexual as the next girl my individuality tends to be more defined because I lived so long without "giving" in to pressure. Just facing the pressure and resisting it alone has been a defining part of my character as a teen and young adult. I think it speaks volumes of people who make the "choice" to do something even when it's hard and tempting. Not that it makes anyone superior, but the discipline of self control has benefits which imprint into the character of the person whose intentionally practicing self control. 

I also feel that because I waited so long and was so intentional (even despite the rape) I was able to more consciously enjoy consensual sex when I did have it. It was amazing. The sensation were unreal and to this day the sensual/sexual stimulation has a heightened benefit. Even when I am in a relationship/sexually active I will maintain long spells of abstinence and celibacy as a way to retain my energy and practice intent...all of which pay off big time in the bedroom. 

The idea that you have to have frequent sex or be "getting some" all the time or even intermittently is rubbish: denial and the mental state of sexuality is what makes sex sexier. Sex is just an act of two things rubbing in each other. Sensuality is a mental state of being tied to your core energy, which is tied to your will, power and spirit. 

I met a virgin man who believed and taught me some of the ideas I'm mentioning above. He decided after 27 years of being celibate and practicing yogic tantra to have sex with me, which was an honor. Let me just say this: he was in charge the whole time. The initiation, the foreplay, the act itself: all his idea and all his doing. And he was amazing. I rate it among the best sex of my life. Not because he did a bunch of dumb tricks but because he had intent and consciousness about his actions and deliberately paced himself accordingly. He was a pro. It's hard to explain, but he didn't need to "practice" to be good: he had the will, discipline and foresight as a lover to be great in bed.

So I think it's dumb if women won't have sex with you because it won't "be good." You achieve a heightened state of sensuality both for you and them with the power of you mind if you are truly devoted to mastering your consciousness and body. And, once your virginity is "lost" you can still practice conscious mindfulness over your body and relive the heightened sensations, regardless of how many or how few times you had sex. 

The best piece of advice I've ever heard or recieved regarding having sex with a woman (applies to men, women & trans/queer):

*"You gotta pre-heat the over before you stick your sourdough roll inside."*

advice from a freaking bad ass Sgt who was a notorious lover

^^^explains everything you need to know about successful sex.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

sweetraglansweater said:


> The stigmas of shame surrounding virginity are wrong and stupid. I didn't "loose" my virginity until my twenties, which is rare for women nowadays I hear. And even then I "lost" it due to being raped. Up until that point I was pretty proud about being a virgin (not in your face proud) but deep inside it gave me confidence. It also helped me focus on my task at hand. Even after being raped I didn't consent to sex for a long, long time, though admittedly my mentality wasn't the "same" afterwards (due to trauma). Nonetheless I'm glad I waited so long, even if I didn't "loose" it in the way that I wanted to.
> 
> I've had other friends who are virgins by choice (both male and female). When you remain a virgin so long it becomes a sort of psyche or mentality. I notice that although I'm just as sexual as the next girl my individuality tends to be more defined because I lived so long without "giving" in to pressure. Just facing the pressure and resisting it alone has been a defining part of my character as a teen and young adult. I think it speaks volumes of people who make the "choice" to do something even when it's hard and tempting. Not that it makes anyone superior, but the discipline of self control has benefits which imprint into the character of the person whose intentionally practicing self control.
> 
> ...


I am really sorry you were raped :sad: Yes, me being a virgin for so long has been embedded into my psyche/mentality. I do believe like you said about the self control aspect of remaining a virgin. I avoid the temptation to have sex with certain women who some tried to proposition me into having sex with them and don't desire to have sex with models (I have an acquaintance who is an actual model, but don't agree with her lifestyle, as it strikes me as vain). Nor would I want to have sex with an acquaintance who went to men's clubs a lot, as I don't agree with her lifestyle as well. I would like to have sex with someone who mutually respects one another, who we both mutually like for who we are, who mutually has romantic and eventually sexual feelings, is humble, and respects my lower libido, as it takes me a few days to feel energized fully after masturbation, and isn't overly influenced by "gender rules" and superficial stigmas. I think personally it takes a lot of courage and fortitude for someone to remain a virgin for long time, even when social "norms" are telling you otherwise, and standing firm in your convictions. Are you still in a relationship with the yoga tantra man? He sounds like a great person! Very inspirational!


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## Flamme et Citron (Aug 26, 2015)

Your expectations are very unrealistic. 

You don't want to have sex with a girl unless you admire her, deeply respect her, connect with her 100% emotionally, physically, intellectually. She can't be vain, have a lifestyle you don't approve of, she must be humble, the list goes on. If everyone was this picky, we'd all die virgins. 

I don't think this has anything do with following "convictions" and self-control, that's just what you tell yourself to feel better. You have grandiose, unrealistic ideals of what sex and your girlfriend should be like.


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## Evolvenda (Aug 10, 2015)

I have a ton of energy! I grew up an angry kid, so the rage was a powerful asset, then after puberty, I got a huge upgrade haha, i.e. sexual energy, but I am a virgin (20 year old). And it's not even a big deal. I use all my energies, sexual and or otherwise, in accomplishing my goals. They give me tremendous focus. And I didn't have sex yet, simply because I don't want to devote any time or energy to that...for now. My ambition comes first. 
I agree with @sweetraglansweater - if you can master your sexual energy, you will be invincible. 

Besides, sex shouldn't just be about orgasm and releasing energy, though it is a good stress reliever, instead it should be about discovery of oneself and others in a more intimate fashion. Don't put sex on a pedestal, people! haha


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Rydark said:


> I have a ton of energy! I grew up an angry kid, so the rage was a powerful asset, then after puberty, I got a huge upgrade haha, i.e. sexual energy, but I am a virgin (20 year old). And it's not even a big deal. I use all my energies, sexual and or otherwise, in accomplishing my goals. They give me tremendous focus. And I didn't have sex yet, simply because I don't want to devote any time or energy to that...for now. My ambition comes first.
> I agree with @sweetraglansweater - if you can master your sexual energy, you will be invincible.
> 
> Besides, sex shouldn't just be about orgasm and releasing energy, though it is a good stress reliever, instead it should be about discovery of oneself and others in a more intimate fashion. Don't put sex on a pedestal, people! haha


totally! the focus and energy that comes from being a virgin or celibate (because you can regain the power you "Lost" from virginity through contientious abstience) is TREMENDOUS. What power. When I am doing art or music or writing I will refuse to indulge myself sexually, whether that means not sleeping with a then-partner, fapping or watching arousing tv (even romances or tv at all, which is programmed to make you "Loose" your energy). The creativity and will power I get from self-denial is tremendous. Ironically, it makes me more attractive and sensual to others in the long run. Ritual and habitual practice of celibacy is utterly worth it.

Sex isn't about "loosing" or "having" it. It's about POWER. If you are going to give up your power then give it up to someone who is worthy and respects that you are doing it and will be RESPONSIBLE with your power. 

Sounds hokey? Sure. But think of all those people who just rolled over and gave it to whoever. It's not "purity" to be a virgin, it's power and you can give that energy to someone or combine energy to do some real, conscious meditative work. Sexuality should be about spiritual progression. There are metaphysical lessons in sex just as there are lessons in celibacy.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Noctis said:


> I am really sorry you were raped :sad: Yes, me being a virgin for so long has been embedded into my psyche/mentality. I do believe like you said about the self control aspect of remaining a virgin. I avoid the temptation to have sex with certain women who some tried to proposition me into having sex with them and don't desire to have sex with models (I have an acquaintance who is an actual model, but don't agree with her lifestyle, as it strikes me as vain). Nor would I want to have sex with an acquaintance who went to men's clubs a lot, as I don't agree with her lifestyle as well. I would like to have sex with someone who mutually respects one another, who we both mutually like for who we are, who mutually has romantic and eventually sexual feelings, is humble, and respects my lower libido, as it takes me a few days to feel energized fully after masturbation, and isn't overly influenced by "gender rules" and superficial stigmas. I think personally it takes a lot of courage and fortitude for someone to remain a virgin for long time, even when social "norms" are telling you otherwise, and standing firm in your convictions. Are you still in a relationship with the yoga tantra man? He sounds like a great person! Very inspirational!


thank you for your heartfelt condolences about my past. In the end sex is sex, whether it's lovemaking or raping. It's just a penis in a vagina. Nothing special. Being raped forced me to re-evaluate what sex was all about...and what virginity meant. When I did this I realized what I've been saying in this thread: that intent is power and its your intent that can make virginity, celibacy or sexuality rich with inner growth. You just have to choose the power. When you do it starts coming to you.

Most people are terrified of their power, which is why they have fleeting sexual relationships...or conversely shudder up and avoid sex. Many people avoid or run into parts of life out of sheer fear of themselves. 

I hear you about getting a partner of like-mind. I say wait until you feel SAFE and comfertable. You might not need to be in love (though I hear that's ideal) but you should really want it with that person. Then it will be natural. I was lucky that the next time I had sex (after being raped0 it was easy as 1-2-3. It just flowed normally and even though that person and I have gone separate ways I am glad it was with him: he respected me, I respected him. Find someone you respect and who respects you. Don't settle for less. There is nothing like having had someone inside you (or around you) and waking up the next day (as it were) and loathing yourself and them. That's not good energy, that's a waste of time, effort and life. Don't waste your Time. Time is precious and not worth a bad lay and the bad feelings that come after it. If you feel disgust for a person, listen. Never go with a person you have a sense of disgust for: it will end badly.

Haha, Yoga Tantric man? He and I have seen each other on and off through the years. I've decided for a long sting of celibacy so I haven't seen him in many months. He takes time to be celibate and meditate: I take time to purify my mind and my body and recenter myself. Honestly, we talk more than anything else because our minds meet in the middle. He's an amazing, amazing, wise man and kind. Recently he's been not having sex and focusing on healing. He's actually been able to heal people by using energy from the Source/Universe. The last time I saw him it was rather incredible. He laid his hands on me and prayed for a pain that I had re-occuring in my muscle tissue and pelvis (pain doctors couldn't figure out). The pain, which was agonizing, left. I haven't had problems since. He told me to clear my thinking and praise the Source of Life. He also taught me some prayers and meditations I try to use daily and they've been really healing me emotionally, mentally and even physically. His long spells of abstinence seem to give him more and more energy in combination with his focus prayer and meditation. It's actually been super fascinating to watch his progression. 

Interestingly:
so after he had sex with me for the first time (thus giving up his virginity) he said he had a spiritual "awakening." Actually, we both did. It was one of the most interesting things I've experienced. When we climax (in unison, which I've never done before with someone), I could see/feel his aural presence and he could see/feel mine. Our spirits were in the room together, and they were radiant and huge.
I could see his "higher self" as it were and he could see mine. For three days/nights this happened. During this time together we had several "prophets" or "messengers" come to us and deliver special messages from what they claimed were the Higher Spirits, angeles and Watchers looking over us. They said that this awakening in my partner would open up a new thresh-hold of spirituality for him and some other stuff they said to me. They made some really interesting predictions about his and my futures (independently) which have come to pass. They also blessed us several times and gave us warnings. 

Since then this guy and I have had on-off almost kinetic telephatic empathy exchanges, though it's not all the time, just when something important is going to happen for either of us. Other cool and spiritually interesting stuff happens whenever we've hooked up or just talked. The guy is truly connected to some, good and benevolent higher power. 

it's real shit bro.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

sweetraglansweater said:


> thank you for your heartfelt condolences about my past. In the end sex is sex, whether it's lovemaking or raping. It's just a penis in a vagina. Nothing special. Being raped forced me to re-evaluate what sex was all about...and what virginity meant. When I did this I realized what I've been saying in this thread: that intent is power and its your intent that can make virginity, celibacy or sexuality rich with inner growth. You just have to choose the power. When you do it starts coming to you.
> 
> Most people are terrified of their power, which is why they have fleeting sexual relationships...or conversely shudder up and avoid sex. Many people avoid or run into parts of life out of sheer fear of themselves.
> 
> ...


That's good you and him have such a great connection. Is he a Buddhist or Hindu? Yeah, I would ideally prefer a partner who I both mutually respect and love. Yeah, I can't imagine having sex with someone who I have a sense of disgust for, as it would make me feel guilt afterwards, which wouldn't feel good at all. Maybe your muscle tissue and pelvic pain was due to possible injuries caused by your rapist? Otherwise, I am unsure about the source of your pain.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Noctis said:


> That's good you and him have such a great connection. Is he a Buddhist or Hindu? Yeah, I would ideally prefer a partner who I both mutually respect and love. Yeah, I can't imagine having sex with someone who I have a sense of disgust for, as it would make me feel guilt afterwards, which wouldn't feel good at all. Maybe your muscle tissue and pelvic pain was due to possible injuries caused by your rapist? Otherwise, I am unsure about the source of your pain.


He's neither. He's a Christian. But he's not a normal Christian. When he first told me I was shocked because I thought he was Buddhist. He's not your average evangelical stereotype, for sure. But he says he follows Yeshua and that Yeshua is the Enlightened One from where he gets his Source. So I guess he kind of treats Yeshua/Jesus like a Buddah figure.

Pain, as it turns out was from ovarian cysts. And yes, probably from rapist as some kind of energy leftover. I also would get "spikes" or "spiritual claws" in my back which would cause writing pain (like awful pain which physical therapy couldn't mend). He also laid his hands on these, prayed and they were healed. I've also been psychically attacked by entities, which he was able to thwart by using the name of Yeshua. Occasionally he will make prophecies. 

I've also met some Jewish rabbis and two witches who were like him and had similar skills/powers. They all were very good, wise and kind people, just like him. All of them practiced clean and respectful sex and celibacy as a way to enrich their power and closeness to Source.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

sweetraglansweater said:


> He's neither. He's a Christian. But he's not a normal Christian. When he first told me I was shocked because I thought he was Buddhist. He's not your average evangelical stereotype, for sure. But he says he follows Yeshua and that Yeshua is the Enlightened One from where he gets his Source. So I guess he kind of treats Yeshua/Jesus like a Buddah figure.
> 
> Pain, as it turns out was from ovarian cysts. And yes, probably from rapist as some kind of energy leftover. I also would get "spikes" or "spiritual claws" in my back which would cause writing pain (like awful pain which physical therapy couldn't mend). He also laid his hands on these, prayed and they were healed. I've also been psychically attacked by entities, which he was able to thwart by using the name of Yeshua. Occasionally he will make prophecies.
> 
> I've also met some Jewish rabbis and two witches who were like him and had similar skills/powers. They all were very good, wise and kind people, just like him. All of them practiced clean and respectful sex and celibacy as a way to enrich their power and closeness to Source.


Maybe your rapist caused some internal injuries to your vagina. Have you checked for STDs from your rapist? That could also be another possible culprit, as well as sensations similar to phantom sensations due to memory of the trauma the rape inflicted and the possible pain he would have caused by forcing his penis in your vagina, which was probably tightened due to you being afraid and uncomfortable. He could have ejaculated inside you against your will as well perhaps? Maybe that led to ovarian cysts? Either way, I would say seek both your partner and a gynecologist about your ovarian cysts if you keep experiencing pain. Maybe your partner, the rabbis and witches combined Christianity and Judaism and which religion the witches were in with that of Buddhist philosophy? Yoga also seems to have Buddhist elements as well.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Noctis said:


> Maybe your rapist caused some internal injuries to your vagina. Have you checked for STDs from your rapist? That could also be another possible culprit, as well as sensations similar to phantom sensations due to memory of the trauma the rape inflicted and the possible pain he would have caused by forcing his penis in your vagina, which was probably tightened due to you being afraid and uncomfortable. He could have ejaculated inside you against your will as well perhaps? Maybe that led to ovarian cysts? Either way, I would say seek both your partner and a gynecologist about your ovarian cysts if you keep experiencing pain. Maybe your partner, the rabbis and witches combined Christianity and Judaism and which religion the witches were in with that of Buddhist philosophy? Yoga also seems to have Buddhist elements as well.


haha, that's graphic but also pretty guttsy cool. Yes, I've seen multiple docs and gynos and gotten lots of testing and they didn't know what to do about the pain. Thankfully no STD's. Just lots of pain. The body tissue remembers traumatic events. My friend healed me as a last resort when all the doctors couldn't. He focused on my chakras. I think it was largely clogged energy from trauma interfering with my body. What he did reminded me of rekki but far more effective, quick and powerful. Whether in the mind or not doesn't matter to me: it worked. If I need to "believe" then it helped me "believe."

Fyi, he's not my partner, he's a close friend and mentor. He has no obligation to me.

Hmmm...the witches most definitely no association to Buddhism. One was Strega Italian, almost Catholic-like and the other was of the heathen-wiccan tradition. None of them studied Buddhism. As for the rabbis: rabbinical Judaism is very eastern and esoteric. None of them studied Buddhism, either. I'm not sure what my friend studied. He told me he grew up Christian and his father had the Gift of the Spirit which he entered into when he became a follower of Yeshua. He meditates alot, though.


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

I think that women who have issues with male virginity, likely are probably insecure about some aspect of their sexuality. I don't understand how any woman who is truly confident in her sexuality, would have any problems with this at all.


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Would it matter if a future partner were a virgin or not?


No, as being virgin myself is rather contextual (if my love would have been reciprocated I wouldn't be) I do not quite care. While it might be nice to share the first time together, I do not really care.
I would however prefer partner who appreciates emotional part of love at least as much as physical and is both patient and playful about it.




WamphyriThrall said:


> How would you feel if you died before ever getting the chance to lost it?


I would be grateful I have experienced platonic love at least. I would accept this stoicly. Sex for me is just and physical extension of love, in itself unimportant except reproduction.



AwkwardShorty said:


> Are you going to tell your future partner that you are a virgin? Why/why not?
> 
> Edit: Before sex, I mean.


Yes if asked about my sexual experience, no if not. 
Why yes? Because why would I lie or evade?
Why no? Because if I came with it unsolicited it would bring to many unspoken questions why did I bring it (insecurity, pride in puritanism,... of which neither is true).



Tega1 said:


> Have you thought about buying a sex toy?


_A man cannot make love to property._


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

sweetraglansweater said:


> I also feel that because I waited so long and was so intentional (even despite the rape) I was able to more consciously enjoy consensual sex when I did have it. It was amazing. The sensation were unreal and to this day the sensual/sexual stimulation has a heightened benefit. Even when I am in a relationship/sexually active I will maintain long spells of abstinence and celibacy as a way to retain my energy and practice intent...all of which pay off big time in the bedroom.
> ...
> Not because he did a bunch of dumb tricks but because he had intent and consciousness about his actions and deliberately paced himself accordingly.
> ...
> You achieve a heightened state of sensuality both for you and them with the power of you mind if you are truly devoted to mastering your consciousness and body. And, once your virginity is "lost" you can still practice conscious mindfulness over your body and relive the heightened sensations, regardless of how many or how few times you had sex.


Interestingly I think I have always felt this intuitively and now in my early 30's I feel prepared. I also intuitively felt that casual sex would not be satisfying... probably mixed feelings. Though I certainly do not have that much sexual energy, some may have been chanelled towards artistic and intellectual pursuits.


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## .17485 (Jan 12, 2011)

Noctis said:


> What sex toys would be helpful for virgin males? I know plenty of virgin women use dildos. I would prefer one that actually feels like a woman's body, like ones that feel like a vagina or breasts.


Tenga sex toys are good to start with. Some of them aren't expensive. Yeah they are sex dolls that are modelled after a woman's body. They quite expensive in the shop. You can get a sex toy that is modelled from a female private area. The price varies. The porn star model ones are expensive. The normal ones are a bit cheap.


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## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

sweetraglansweater said:


> thank you for your heartfelt condolences about my past. In the end sex is sex, whether it's lovemaking or raping. It's just a penis in a vagina. Nothing special. Being raped forced me to re-evaluate what sex was all about...and what virginity meant. When I did this I realized what I've been saying in this thread: that intent is power and its your intent that can make virginity, celibacy or sexuality rich with inner growth. You just have to choose the power. When you do it starts coming to you.
> 
> Most people are terrified of their power, which is why they have fleeting sexual relationships...or conversely shudder up and avoid sex. Many people avoid or run into parts of life out of sheer fear of themselves.
> 
> ...


Something's confusing me here. You talk about spiritual experiences with sex, about waiting and all...yet say that "sex is just sex". Doesn't that attitude conflict somehow with being so careful and particular? 

I guess every time I hear someone talk about sex not being a big deal, I always find myself assuming it means "Go and sleep with whoever you want, no connection needed, if you're both willing then go for it....and anyone who feels differently is repressed, overly sensitive, or making it a big deal when it isn't." Also that rape is no big deal and those traumatized by it are pathetic, useless people who deserve their pain and should be shamed out of their weakness.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

ScientiaOmnisEst said:


> Something's confusing me here. You talk about spiritual experiences with sex, about waiting and all...yet say that "sex is just sex". Doesn't that attitude conflict somehow with being so careful and particular?
> 
> I guess every time I hear someone talk about sex not being a big deal, I always find myself assuming it means "Go and sleep with whoever you want, no connection needed, if you're both willing then go for it....and anyone who feels differently is repressed, overly sensitive, or making it a big deal when it isn't." Also that rape is no big deal and those traumatized by it are pathetic, useless people who deserve their pain and should be shamed out of their weakness.


it is kind of funny, isn't it? 

i've thought about this alot. I mean alot. and I don't have very logical or straightforward sounding answers. The act is an act, like brushing your teeth. For instance, when you sit still and just observe the values you project onto things begin to loose meaning. They just become the actions themselves, the boundaries they create in space. In that moment, brushing your teeth is literally taking a brush like object and rubbing it sideways on your canines in a motion we call "brushing." The act, when simply observed without preconceptions like (my breath smells bad...what is bad? bad is X...) has no meaning attatchted to it other than what it is in that moment. 

But we don't stay in this completely neutral observation point forever: eventually we come back to ourselves, and our ourselves are filled with emperical and existential data and values we've accumulated. Thus brushing one's teeth is not simply an act: it takes on signifigant meaning within our lives. We brush our teeth because they get dirty and we have coneptions of what dirty is. We brush our teeth so they don't rot and hurt us or look gross (again, conceptions of pain and gross...what is gross, what is the opposite of gross). On and on. I think you get the idea. You might brush your teeth for different but similar reasons than I do but they are reasons and those reasons are not the action themselves.

So sex. like brushing one's teeth is an action in and of itself apart from us and our mores, ideas, conceptions. but obviously we have those and we can't run away from them. the tricky part is getting to a space in your meditation or head where you can observe yourself as the animal without judgement, see what is ACTUALLY happening without judgement and then return to the emotions, pain, ideas, mores you have and compare the two experiences...or rather the experience you witnessed/remember/are meditating on and the experience as you've internalized it.

i'm not sure if i'm making sense, but that process is in essence what I am talking about. I can look at the animal self (me) in the past and see the actions, dissect the emotion, meaning from them on one layer, add another layer and see those things, then keep going back up and up until I reach my "perception" of the event. I can then choose how to internalize what I'm witnessing. 

I think choice is the key here I'm pointing out. You can choose how to interact with experiences you have via your body. The more ways of seeing the truth from different perspectives the more choice you have in the narrative. At some point all the meanings are parallel and true, which is another weird brainfuck to wrap your mind around. kind of like parallel universes...but now we're getting into so weird territory where words are elusive (at least to me). 

for most humans and even animals sex has more meaning than just sheer survival, though survival is deeply tied to our sexuality and should be considered. at some point we can choose what narrative to dwell on or tell ourselves. And that's the point I'm making: if you just get into a situation without thinking about it, esp if it's one you actually DO care about, it's harder to deal with any feelings of regret in the aftermath. Better to sit with yourself and see yourself and know yourself and decide what you want before taking a major lifechange. If you don't decide what you want to believe then circumstance and your surroundings will imply it for you and create a cocktail of meanings you've swallowed without realizing it. So know what meanings you attach to things, decide if you want to believe that or not by going back to simple observation and analyzing your bodily emotions as they observe with you. 

sry if this is longwinded. i'm not great at explaining


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

Noctis said:


> When I revealed my virgin status on this site to a woman who...


Noctis I see nothing wrong with your _problem_, ha just kidding I see no problem. _Lost _my virginity when I was 25, so I have a few questions if you don't mind incorporating them on the already ongoing conversation. (mostly than loosing mine, I felt as I needed to get rid of it, that's another story).

*My questions:*

Is your virginity a secret? I know some people know it but I mean how you approach the matter when talking to new women? do you try to avoid the matter?
If you are open about this: do the women who know about this bother you too much?
Again if you are open about this: have you seen women reacting interested on getting you to have sex with them?
Again ... etc: have you seen on women who know about this any special interest on love relationships with you??
 


Noctis said:


> If I did lose my virginity, sex would probably occur a few times per week, as I think my libido is lower than most, as I take a while to recharge.


I know virginity/sex is a choice, libido and sex drive also have a lot of effect on that. Some people with high libido have a difficult time to stay virgins sometimes.

I did noticed in my region/culture (latinamerica) the difference when men don't actually pursue sex compared to the opposite: a lot of chances do appear in front of you, why? some women do prefer being approached and "hunted", while many feel better or comfortable seeing a human being to interact with, etc. So, while I'm nothing interesting I wonder if you do noticed offers and sometimes insisting offers just because of your attitude towards life more than sex.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

aef8234 said:


> AdamEveToys.com - Discreet Adult Toys for Men & Women
> 
> Tenga Egg Variety Six Pack for Male Masturbation | Walgreens
> 
> ...


Yeah, I am skeptical about those who say to drop fapping all together. I don't fap too often.


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## BlackLikeMySoul (Sep 7, 2015)

I thought of another question, is the libido of your future partner relevant? Meaning, would you be able to date someone with a relatively high libido?


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

Tega1 said:


> What type of women are you into?


Do you have fair typology to chose from? This is a good question but not easy to answer succinctly.

Perhaps: Curious, Independent, Innocent type


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## NewYorkEagle (Apr 12, 2015)

Have you ever been to a strip club?


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## GoosePeelings (Nov 10, 2013)

Do you think sex is overrated?


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

AwkwardShorty said:


> I thought of another question, is the libido of your future partner relevant? Meaning, would you be able to date someone with a relatively high libido?


I don't think I could keep up with someone with a high libido.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

GoosePeelings said:


> Do you think sex is overrated?


In a way, yes.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Tega1 said:


> What type of women are you into?


Someone warm, friendly, outgoing, cheerful, fun to be around, responsible, enthusiastic, genuinely caring.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Noctis said:


> Yeah, I am skeptical about those who say to drop fapping all together. I don't fap too often.


Trust me, you never stop, even if you have a relationship.
That's another myth by the way, I mean it's not like you can go all "u wan sum fuk" to your boygirlfriend and theyll say "kay" and magic happens.
If anything I think I had to fap more.


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

PurpleEagle99 said:


> Have you ever been to a strip club?


Nope

* *


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## Ziggurat (Jun 12, 2010)

ebae said:


> Do you watch porn and masturbate? If yes, stop.


Absurd advice. How would that help?


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## AdroElectro (Oct 28, 2014)

Ziggurat said:


> Absurd advice. How would that help?


Start here for a brief overview of concepts & science | Your Brain On Porn


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I don't get these questions, it's like nobody has ever been a virgin before? They can't recall a time when they could answer the questions? The questions seem to err on the side of assuming "prudeness".


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## Ziggurat (Jun 12, 2010)

AdroElectro said:


> Start here for a brief overview of concepts & science | Your Brain On Porn


Amusing contrast between the link and your sig. 

Suggesting that he should stop watching porn, etc. is a very general suggestion. Those effects can't be generalized to everyone. Asking more specific questions about his situation is massively more helpful.


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## AdroElectro (Oct 28, 2014)

Ziggurat said:


> Amusing contrast between the link and your sig.
> 
> I don't get it.
> 
> Suggesting that he should stop watching porn, etc. is a very general suggestion. Those effects can't be generalized to everyone. Asking more specific questions about his situation is massively more helpful.


It couldn't hurt. One of two outcomes could happen by following this advice. 1. It helps, a positive outcome. 2. It doesn't help, a neutral outcome. No harm done, he can go back to doing it.


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## Ziggurat (Jun 12, 2010)

AdroElectro said:


> It couldn't hurt. One of two outcomes could happen by following this advice. 1. It helps, a positive outcome. 2. It doesn't help, a neutral outcome. No harm done, he can go back to doing it.


Haha, that's silly logic. I'm sure looking at videos of kitten playing would has either a positive or neutral outcome as well.

And I found your sig amusing because it's unscientific.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Ziggurat said:


> Haha, that's silly logic. I'm sure looking at videos of kitten playing would has either a positive or neutral outcome as well.
> 
> And I found your sig amusing because it's unscientific.


Well to be fair, most of them were scientific at one point in time.


Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I don't get these questions, it's like nobody has ever been a virgin before? They can't recall a time when they could answer the questions? The questions seem to err on the side of assuming "prudeness".


It's a.. trade-thing, I think, society goes all bad virginity bad after high school, so either most people lose it, or lie. This guy's not lying, technically, so that presents a situation of.. stuff.
Iunno. I can't explain it well.



AdroElectro said:


> Start here for a brief overview of concepts & science | Your Brain On Porn


You do realize the neurological symptoms your link explains is similar to addiction, right? Dopamine and serotonin burnout <I think I saw serotonin somewhere, I kinda got sidetracked by the website itself, it doesn't seem reputable, then again it could just be my bias>, etc. etc.
Meaning, you're comparing people who fap to addicts.
While I did get addicted to questionable things, that was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before I fapped.
Also a personality thing.


AdroElectro said:


> It couldn't hurt. One of two outcomes could happen by following this advice. 1. It helps, a positive outcome. 2. It doesn't help, a neutral outcome. No harm done, he can go back to doing it.


And if he doesn't do it? Does he magically become a fapping addict due to correlational.. this isn't even that one research, it's a meta-analysis.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

PurpleEagle99 said:


> Have you ever been to a strip club?


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

Noctis said:


> Pretty much self explanatory. I myself am a male virgin. Ask me anything except anything relating to virgin shaming (such as calling me a loser).
> 
> I never had sex in my entire life. I am 26 and have no clue on how people get from first base to home run.


Keep up the good work. Your wizard powers should be displaying themselves soon enough.


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## Prada (Sep 10, 2015)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I don't get these questions, it's like nobody has ever been a virgin before? They can't recall a time when they could answer the questions? The questions seem to err on the side of assuming "prudeness".


My assumption is that these questions should be directly aimed at the virginity "issue". Most of people seem to think that virginity in 20+ is either a choice or the person is a basement dwelling loser. Virginity is either glorified or shamed while it's nothing but a fact. There is nothing objectively good or bad about it. You could say that the point is to debunk stereotypes.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Gore Motel said:


> Keep up the good work. Your wizard powers should be displaying themselves soon enough.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Prada said:


> My assumption is that these questions should be directly aimed at the virginity "issue". Most of people seem to think that virginity in 20+ is either a choice or the person is a basement dwelling loser. Virginity is either glorified or shamed while it's nothing but a fact. There is nothing objectively good or bad about it. You could say that the point is to debunk stereotypes.


True. I am mainly trying to debunk stereotypes. Especially about the negative stereotype that a guy who is 20+ is a "basement dwelling neck-bearded loser" whereas a guy of the same age who is not a virgin is considered "normal" if moderately successful or if very experienced, a "stud". What makes a guy a virgin guy over twenty a "loser"? The term loser is a loaded word. When I talk about losers, I refer to domestic-abusers, child-abusers, serial cheaters, gang members, etc. I am talking about losers at life. Sex is just one aspect in life and a virgin can be a winner in life by showcasing his or her strengths and learning from his or her weaknesses and is actively trying to pursue a career/job or further their education or do what they love to do as a job to positively influence others.


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## Prada (Sep 10, 2015)

Noctis said:


> True. I am mainly trying to debunk stereotypes. Especially about the negative stereotype that a guy who is 20+ is a "basement dwelling neck-bearded loser" whereas a guy of the same age who is not a virgin is considered "normal" if moderately successful or if very experienced, a "stud". What makes a guy a virgin guy over twenty a "loser"? The term loser is a loaded word. When I talk about losers, I refer to domestic-abusers, child-abusers, serial cheaters, gang members, etc. I am talking about losers at life. Sex is just one aspect in life and a virgin can be a winner in life by showcasing his or her strengths and learning from his or her weaknesses and is actively trying to pursue a career/job or further their education or do what they love to do as a job to positively influence others.


To be fair, there is similar stigma connected with female 20+ virgins. But instead of being a losers, we get accused of being prudes/extremists/man-hating (which is kinda funny considering my sexuality)/having issues. We usually get shocked look and questions like "Why?" or "Are you waiting for marriage?" or "Why don't you just bang someone?".


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## Optimouse (Nov 8, 2012)

Noctis said:


> How do you get from A to B?


That's exactly my problem. I realize now that the problem some of us have is a fear of intimacy. I can talk to a girl, but being afraid of doing intimate moves to go from not being together to hooking up. So, even if I am alone with a girl, I am very scared, because if I am not already in relationship with a girl I am not allowed to touch her/kiss her, but in order to become your girlfriend, you have to touch her, to be intimate, but you feel you are not allowed and maybe she doesn't want this and may feel gross. Or you have to move slowly and see, like in the movies (are movies like reality?) but then you see movies that mock the geek who moved slowly to kiss her. I don't know but I hoped relationships where more formal, like "do you want? Yes or No? Ok" and not so cryptic.

And I think some of us are too sensitive. There was this stereotype that geeks or gamers or whatever, don't have girlfriends. But that's totally wrong, because I am in a community of geeks, hardcore programmers and most of them have girlfriends or wives, and that feels even more depressing to me, because you would think you'd find people similar to you, and it's even worse to hear from people who are supposed to be geeks to tell you to get a life. So, that's a big myth. But from the few people I know who are still virgins, all of them seem quite sensitive or thinking too much or be very kind. It's like people who have it easy with finding a girlfriend are on the other side, very macho, more arrogant concerning touching/kissing a girl before even having a relationship, it's like fun inconsiderate stuff to them rather than serious act. At least that's how I see it.

Well, I am 35 and never had a girlfriend, how about that? But recently I have developed a philosophy that might sound scary (and it did sound to me). The fact that I don't need a girlfriend, and everybody would jump to disagree, because everybody is of the idea "Oh, no you are so late!" and if you even don't care now you will be even more late and somehow this will be the most horrible thing for you. Newsflash: It's not horrible, there are other things that make me happy in my life. And these thoughts that make me unhappy. That somehow I can't live without relationships. That something is wrong with me. That I will look back to my life and find I did nothing. Those stereotypical thoughts that plague us all. But, if I really craved for a girlfriend, if I could not live without sex, I would have done something no matter how hard! The fact that this revolves around my head, makes me a bit sad but not because I miss it, but because of how pathetic I look to society, this was the big problem.

Not saying that things might not change. Maybe a girl makes it easy for me (highly unlikely). Maybe I get bored with other life activities and start going into the intimate no matter how much it scares (it's not a fear of sex btw, I am very open to sex. It's a fear of not having the "license" to touch someone before being sure we have agreed in a relationship). But if I don't, I don't want to bother myself anymore with it. If I really wanted this and couldn't live without it and there wasn't anything else making me happy in life, then yes I would pursue it. We are led to believe we are unhappy for those reasons, because somehow we don't live our lives, but we become unhappy because of these negative thoughts enforced by society. I am done with it!


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

I'm sorry I didn't read through the entire thread but here are my questions to all of you virgins 

What would you imagine your first time to be like ?

How would you prefer it to be and with whom

Would you prefer a partner who's more or less experience than you are ?

Tell me about a time that you could've had sex but turned it down  




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Hearth (Oct 15, 2010)

Not sure if it's said before (a lot of responses) but according to your description, I'm afraid you have watched too many porn and hope a girl makes a move on you while you say you're scared. What woman wants that, unless you like tough love ( a BDSM-club may be a tip then). 

If you can't touch a woman in a friendly manner, you'll never find out when it's a different feel. Dance-classes may make a difference here. I put my son on ballroom-dancing solely for the purpose of knowing how, when and where to touch decently and keep a normal distance; he's an Asperger. (After a few years, he met his girlfriend there). 
It's also important to have a shared experience or a similar interest, if you want to have a relationship. If not, a sex-club would suffice. 

If you feel other things are more important than the result is that you're unavailable. No women likes to hear that, not even in case of an emergency (but it will be accepted then. If not, get out there), that you have better things to do. 
A woman always likes a personal comment, that you make time for her and that you're reliable but not stiff (no pun intended).
A way to notice to see whether she likes you, is too make a faint comic remark and see if she giggles nervously. Not fool-proof and no use unless you know she doesn't giggle that way all the time, but can be a good sign.

As for my husband and me, he was shy back then, I tried to keep the conversation up, invited him over for in a few weeks later. I tried to separate him from the others for brief moments and as the night went on, he came slowly closer and lay gently his arm around my shoulder. We kissed goodbye and I wrote him a letter that week. He wrote back...yes.
Though younger, I was far more experienced than him, so sex was easy for me. 

I never enjoyed porn. I like the flirting, the game and I'm in no hurry. My games lasted throughout the day. I still can't imagine having a faraway lover. Porn, only shows that physical action but sex is about having fun together, in a physical way but not necessarily. If you really have watched too much porn, enjoy the ideas you've been given but throw away the script.
Extend the time for instant gratification.
If you're not having fun, it's not really worth it and no more than masturbation and watching porn. Make an experience not porn. Rather read the old erotics, they have a better way of visualising the game of love and focus less on the more physical parts. That may give a better idea of what to do or what to expect.

Enough, I hope I gave you a few ideas and a better understanding of what it is that you seek


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## alewisztann (May 20, 2014)

Background: - 21 years old -done everything but p in the v -

*What would you imagine your first time to be like ?*
definitely a little awkward, and preferably with someone who can laugh about it with me

*How would you prefer it to be and with whom*
hmm... well preferably with the girl on top. the lady can control the situation better that way hey? with who... well. definitely with someone i like and have some sort of an emotional connection with. preferably in a r/ship but not tooo fussed.

*Would you prefer a partner who's more or less experience than you are ?*
either or, i don't really care. i try not to judge. 


idk.. i saw this thread in my email and had to jump in. i've only recently gone further than a making out session and have realized that the fantasy of sexual activity i had in my brain was woefully exaggerated although it definitely is pleasurable... i'm looking forward to sex but now i'm not so fussed about it and i'm more looking to meet a girl who i'm physically attracted to but who i want to spend time with in more than a physical manner. of course that's more difficult than it sounds. 

Stay strong my fellow male virgins! it's not that bad. we all got our own journey towards either becoming wizards or losing our v cards


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Hearth said:


> Not sure if it's said before (a lot of responses) but according to your description, I'm afraid you have watched too many porn and hope a girl makes a move on you while you say you're scared.


 I.. does he? I mean fapping is good and all, and porn is okay - if not extremely addictive, but what led you to that?


> What woman wants that, unless you like tough love ( a BDSM-club may be a tip then).


 Pretty good chunk actually, usually fun too. If not overambitious.



> If you can't touch a woman in a friendly manner, you'll never find out when it's a different feel.


 Well he did get to second base, so that might not be the only problem.


> Dance-classes may make a difference here. I put my son on ballroom-dancing solely for the purpose of knowing how, when and where to touch decently and keep a normal distance; he's an Asperger. (After a few years, he met his girlfriend there).


 That's a lot of point shoes thou- ohwaitballroomnevermind.


> It's also important to have a shared experience or a similar interest, if you want to have a relationship. If not, a sex-club would suffice.


 Wellduh.



> If you feel other things are more important than the result is that you're unavailable. No women likes to hear that, not even in case of an emergency (but it will be accepted then. If not, get out there), that you have better things to do.
> A woman always likes a personal comment, that you make time for her and that you're reliable but not stiff (no pun intended).


 That sounds more like a personal preference.


> A way to notice to see whether she likes you, is too make a faint comic remark and see if she giggles nervously. Not fool-proof and no use unless you know she doesn't giggle that way all the time, but can be a good sign.


 ^This, gotta watch out for sarcasm laughs though, but it can be salvaged.



> As for my husband and me, he was shy back then, I tried to keep the conversation up, invited him over for in a few weeks later. I tried to separate him from the others for brief moments and as the night went on, he came slowly closer and lay gently his arm around my shoulder. We kissed goodbye and I wrote him a letter that week. He wrote back...yes.
> Though younger, I was far more experienced than him, so sex was easy for me.


 irrelephant.



> I never enjoyed porn. I like the flirting, the game and I'm in no hurry.


 Personally never liked it, all that chasing, implying great reward, and then, bam, disappointing girl who doesn't even do anything in bed other than moan and scar my damned back.


> My games lasted throughout the day. I still can't imagine having a faraway lover. Porn, only shows that physical action but sex is about having fun together, in a physical way but not necessarily. If you really have watched too much porn, enjoy the ideas you've been given but throw away the script.


 People watch porn for the plot?


> Extend the time for instant gratification.


 Reeeaaaaally don't think that's the problem. A problem? Maybe.


> If you're not having fun, it's not really worth it and no more than masturbation and watching porn.


 Wellduh


> Make an experience not porn.


 But making a porno does sound like an experience.


> Rather read the old erotics, they have a better way of visualising the game of love and focus less on the more physical parts.


 Have you READ literotica? Some of those things sound like I wrote them.


> That may give a better idea of what to do or what to expect.


 Or are you talking about trashy romance novels? In which case, ohgod. I mean you might be right, but jesus those things are just. so. I mean the writing is just trash, the plot is almost as bad as porn, and the imagery. I mean who uses peanut butter for that?

Enough, I hope I gave you a few ideas and a better understanding of what it is that you seek[/QUOTE]


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## ptilol (Jun 27, 2013)

i have no questions. i just came here to say good job. sex is overrated. our society values sex too much, and that's why we live in an overpopulated, polluted world, and stds are rampant. if you don't want to have children, there's no reason to have sex. keep up the good work!
if you want to find a good match online, okcupid is a great free site for it. but don't let the media brainwash you into thinking you need a relationship to be happy. single is perfectly fine. if it is meant to be, love will find you. you don't need to desperately search for it, as it is unnecessary. enjoy the single life; many people in relationships will say they actually enjoy going to work so they can get away from their spouse.


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## Optimouse (Nov 8, 2012)

Hearth said:


> Not sure if it's said before (a lot of responses) but according to your description, I'm afraid you have watched too many porn and hope a girl makes a move on you while you say you're scared. What woman wants that, unless you like tough love ( a BDSM-club may be a tip then).


I don't think porn has anything to do with it. I don't think porn teaches you who does the first move. I had my failures with girls and being too afraid to act even before watching my first porn.



Hearth said:


> If you can't touch a woman in a friendly manner, you'll never find out when it's a different feel.


Touching in a friendly manner, you mean like in regular situation where it's not implied to be sexual? Like kissing friendly in the cheeks or handshake? I have done that and still do, but that's not intimate.

Now I am thinking it, there is something about touching. The male friend equivalent is someone comes and taps in your back. I do hate this in general. It's like they are invading my personal space without warning. And I also can't initiate maybe because of these reasons and because I don't need to. And maybe I'd feel I invaded their personal space too.




Hearth said:


> It's also important to have a shared experience or a similar interest, if you want to have a relationship. If not, a sex-club would suffice.


Yeah, but it doesn't help. Even if there was a girl who is a computer programmer (I know they exist) there are many reasons that wouldn't work. And one is that I would still be shit scared to do the intimate moves.


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## marbleous (Feb 21, 2014)

Hello, brave soul!

Your experience is interesting and it makes me feel like voicing my status as virgin as well.  I am 22 and also one! Bro. I suppose for me, I have never considered taking the relationship there and have neglected my romance life quite a bit. Like a previous poster said, intimate relationships are more meaningful to me. Sexual relationships seem like a big commitment with strong physical attachments being formed by both people, and I'd don't really want to get into that.

Questions:
- When you are with someone, how much does having sex with them go through your mind?
- Would you say your status is due to lack of desire or lack of opportunities?
- Have most of the people you hang out with had sex before?


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## marbleous (Feb 21, 2014)

ai.tran.75 said:


> I'm sorry I didn't read through the entire thread but here are my questions to all of you virgins


*What would you imagine your first time to be like ?*
Shyness around other, being extremely careful, interested at the new sensation, feeling like it was not that big of a deal as I had thought, awkward laying in bed with other person afterwards!

*How would you prefer it to be and with whom*
It would be easier for me if it wasn't a big deal and done more out of exploration of sensations. Like, "Hey, I want to see what this feels like. Do you want to try?" "Sure." Obviously with someone I'm close friends with!

*Would you prefer a partner who's more or less experience than you are ?*
More would be nice, but with someone with little experience it'd be like we were going through the same eye-opening experience.

*Tell me about a time that you could've had sex but turned it down  *
None! XD Although I think there were those willing who waited for me to ask/initiate.


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## Prada (Sep 10, 2015)

@ai.tran.75
This thread says ask a virgin not ask a male virgin, so I'm going to answer so people get also a different POV.
*
What would you imagine your first time to be like ?*
Strange, awkward, maybe slightly uncomfortable (I dislike being naked) and fun.

*How would you prefer it to be and with whom*
It doesn't really matter how to me but with whom matters a lot. I dislike being naked and due to my Fi, I'm generally a closed person when it gets to anything that's not skindeep, metaphorically speaking. Intimacy is also a form of opening up and in a way that I haven't done before. Things I haven't done before generally scare me because I lack experience in them and thus feel unprepared which is something I hate. So it would need to be someone I would feel very comfortable with. 

*Would you prefer a partner who's more or less experience than you are ?*
Definitely more experienced. I'm very awkward when it gets to starting relationships so I would like to attract (and be attracted to) a person knows what they're doing. XD Also, I dated a girl who was equally experienced as me and it was a disaster because she was the incarnation of social awkwardness and inability to have a mature relationship.

*Tell me about a time that you could've had sex but turned it down  *
This happened twice, actually. In both cases it was a hot girl asking me to have sex with her based on looks and about 5 minute chat. That's not really my thing, I need to know the person and trust them. I can't just have sex with a total stranger. In both cases I explained this to them and they understood.

@marbleous

*- When you are with someone, how much does having sex with them go through your mind?*
Depends. The girl needs to be my type and my friend for me to actually imagine sex (what happened with 2-3 so far). Tough I imagine touching (with clothes on) quite often.

*- Would you say your status is due to lack of desire or lack of opportunities?*
Technically both and neither. I do have physical desires and quite strong but I don't desire to have a one night stand or sexual relationship with someone I don't know well. Also, I had opportunities but just for one night stands. I guess in my case it's the lack of situations when there is both an opportunity and desire. 

*- Have most of the people you hang out with had sex before?*
Yes. In my group of friends there is only one that is as experienced as me and the rest are either taken (with sex) or have casual sex often. But then again, this isn't something majority with openly admit so maybe there are more but they pretend to be experienced.


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## Themorning (Jan 8, 2014)

It's an interesting topic. I was a 20+'er and in my case, I think the problem with me was that I simply never tried to make any sexual advances, I was simply too scared. For me, I wanted to get laid so badly but the fear of rejection or self esteem issues kept me from ever really trying. When people say society places to much emphasis on sex but I wonder whether that's really true. I would much rather be having regular sex than the odd one night stand a couple of times a year. For me, it's an important part of my life and I wouldn't want that to change (is that society telling me how to think or my penis?)

So now for my question, when you do lose your virginity, do you want to be in a relationship with that person? If so, do you think you'll find yourself thinking you want to break up partly because you want to have different sexual experiences? I think the danger in losing your virginity later is that there is the possibility that you'll want to 'make up for lost time.'


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## Reticent Charm (Nov 17, 2013)

Noctis said:


>


that was amazing :laughing: here's my question: Can you just stay awesome!?! :blushed:

I don't know what's more attractive than a man who knows his boundaries and isn't gonna run after any sexual experience that's available. I'm an idealist when it comes to intimacy as well. And there's absolutely no shame in being a virgin *especially* because you're waiting for marriage. I don't have to rant about how good that is since I'm sure you already know roud:

Girls like me have to cling to some hope that there are guys actually doing the same thing. And the girls who are put off by virginity, they're not for you anyway, they don't appreciate intimacy the way you do and probably won't respect you the way you should be respected.

So yea, just stay awesome, please!


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Reticent Charm said:


> that was amazing :laughing: here's my question: Can you just stay awesome!?! :blushed:
> 
> I don't know what's more attractive than a man who knows his boundaries and isn't gonna run after any sexual experience that's available. I'm an idealist when it comes to intimacy as well. And there's absolutely no shame in being a virgin *especially* because you're waiting for marriage. I don't have to rant about how good that is since I'm sure you already know roud:
> 
> ...


Thank you very much! I will stay awesome! roud:


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

*What would you imagine your first time to be like?
*Probably a bit awkward, but comforting and hypnotic I guess. Probably very invigorating afterwards. *
How would you prefer it to be and with whom
* I would prefer it to be with multiple positions in which sexual novices can do well (missionary, cowgirl, lotus, standing up, maybe doggie) With someone who is caring, attentive, intelligent, friendly, warm, takes care of her body and health, someone who is trusting and trustworthy. 
*Would you prefer a partner who's more or less experience than you are ?
*Someone more experienced perhaps or has knowledge of the sexual positions and how to perform them effectively so they can show me the ropes. *
Tell me about a time that you could've had sex but turned it down  
*A young woman on OkCupid tried to proposition me to have sex with her on her birthday, but I didn't know her, which scared me, so I blocked her, as she came onto me so fast without me getting to know her.


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## mastervule (Jul 7, 2014)

I know how you feel there bro. But Im in long distance relationship and things are tense so I dont care much XD
Dont pay too much attention on it. Sex isnt most important thng in life as some seem to think
P.S. Kamelot is awesomeeeeee!


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Prada said:


> @ai.tran.75
> This thread says ask a virgin not ask a male virgin, so I'm going to answer so people get also a different POV.
> *
> What would you imagine your first time to be like ?*
> ...


Oh I didn't even know that it's ask a male Virgin that's why I quoted all you virgins 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

*- When you are with someone, how much does having sex with them go through your mind?*
Sometimes it does, depending on if they are very attractive, kind, attentive, intelligent and friendly, but I haven't had a relationship or dated since my LDR. 
*- Would you say your status is due to lack of desire or lack of opportunities?*
I think a lack of opportunities, which I didn't have in college and a lack of desire after facing a lot of being ignored by a lot of young women acquaintances who didn't seem to acknowledge me or attempt to get to know me well. Others would put me in the friend zone after I worked up the courage to ask them out. 
*- Have most of the people you hang out with had sex before?*
Yes, a lot of the friends I hang out had sex before.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Oh I didn't even know that it's ask a male Virgin that's why I quoted all you virgins
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This is for all virgins, male and female.


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

ai.tran.75 said:


> I'm sorry I didn't read through the entire thread but here are my questions to all of you virgins


*What would you imagine your first time to be like ?*
Shared, slow, gentle, deeply sensual and spiritual - in a way ritualistic. But not in the formalist sense, rather in making the most of the moment by not being swallowed by urges, rather floating on top of those working with the tension looking in the eyes and making every touch, move, gaze count.

*How would you prefer it to be and with whom*
With someone I love and trust. I would wait until anxiety leaves and mind is unified. I would wait for her too. If it was too soon, with doubt and contradiction I would screw up. I tend to freeze if someone forces sexuality on me, I need harmony and flow.

*Would you prefer a partner who's more or less experience than you are ?*
Can there be less experience? I would prefer someone who can be a partner to me in the above, if the girl have experience but can look through fresh eyes why would I complain. If she was narrow minded, controlling and confining me to her expectations from experience it could be a major problem. If she was virgin like me I would likely be even more delicate.

*Tell me about a time that you could've had sex but turned it down  *
I never got an open offer for sex. I have turned down a proposal(s) for relationship that would inevitably lead to that. But knew that pursuing that would only lead in hurting someone and me in the process because it would have been one-sided and not compatible. I am still friend with her and give her hugs when she needs but for the 2 decades we know each other I could not romantically love her.
I guess I give pretty innocent vibe so no one actually try to take to much of a shortcut.


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## Lexicon Devil (Mar 14, 2014)

AwkwardShorty said:


> If we are talking relationship: Use the words "I would like to go from __Insert description of relationship atm__ to something more serious, like __Insert description of wanted relationship here__".


Ok. Like, I would like to go from boobies to pubies. Something like that. :smile:


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## dreamingthroughlife (Feb 8, 2015)

OP, I will agree that you seem like a very awesome person and there ought to be more young men like you in the world. 

When someone asked what type of girl you were looking for, you listed a bunch of typical positive qualities, almost TOO many. You didn't list physical characteristics, which surprised me, most guys do. You also did seem to have the air of 'pickiness' or perfectionism, and later on in the thread you said you were ignored and friendzoned by a lot of girls in college. 

I read all your posts and I was thinking 'does this guy look like Quasimodo or what?' Then I found a picture of you, and I was like..."Oh. I get it! He's fat-girl cute! "

'Fat girl cute' simply means a guy who's nice looking and with handsome features, BUT with just enough flaws to make chubbier/heavier (or less conventionally pretty if not overweight) girls feel like they could date you. You don't appear to be overweight yourself, in fact you look more on the thin side, and that's what heavier girls prefer.

My guess that overweight girls on your campus noticed you- but you ignored THEM. 

I was wondering what type of girl are you interested in PHYSICALLY? Because as much as you talk about personality and connection, I am suspecting some hypocrisy in that you are only seeing the conventionally 'hot' girls as to be considered. Guys like you (who are usually introverted, a little geeky and shy, but desperately want what the alpha males get) are all over the Internet.

I'm not saying this to be mean, but what you claim you want just seems too good to be true. If it was you would have had at least one in-person, real-life girlfriend by now.

(oh by the way, I'm a married over-35 woman, married for 18 years if that makes any difference. I've been out of the dating game for eons, but I'm just noticing patterns and tendencies in what I've read about dating these days.)


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## joshman108 (Apr 14, 2014)

How many people here are virgins? I am one. I would expect there to be more.


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

joshman108 said:


> How many people here are virgins? I am one. I would expect there to be more.


All twenty six people viewing the thread at the moment :tongue:


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Optimouse said:


> That's exactly my problem. I realize now that the problem some of us have is a fear of intimacy. I can talk to a girl, but being afraid of doing intimate moves to go from not being together to hooking up. So, even if I am alone with a girl, I am very scared, because if I am not already in relationship with a girl I am not allowed to touch her/kiss her, but in order to become your girlfriend, you have to touch her, to be intimate, but you feel you are not allowed and maybe she doesn't want this and may feel gross. Or you have to move slowly and see, like in the movies (are movies like reality?) but then you see movies that mock the geek who moved slowly to kiss her. I don't know but I hoped relationships where more formal, like "do you want? Yes or No? Ok" and not so cryptic.
> 
> And I think some of us are too sensitive. There was this stereotype that geeks or gamers or whatever, don't have girlfriends. But that's totally wrong, because I am in a community of geeks, hardcore programmers and most of them have girlfriends or wives, and that feels even more depressing to me, because you would think you'd find people similar to you, and it's even worse to hear from people who are supposed to be geeks to tell you to get a life. So, that's a big myth. But from the few people I know who are still virgins, all of them seem quite sensitive or thinking too much or be very kind. It's like people who have it easy with finding a girlfriend are on the other side, very macho, more arrogant concerning touching/kissing a girl before even having a relationship, it's like fun inconsiderate stuff to them rather than serious act. At least that's how I see it.
> 
> ...


I think the macho and arrogant ones have it easy because they are shameless about being sexually open, yet shy guys have it harder because of the pressure on them to make the first move, and be someone they are not. Plus a lot of shy guys faced a lot more rejections and feeling less attractive and desired than the arrogant and macho guys.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

dreamingthroughlife said:


> OP, I will agree that you seem like a very awesome person and there ought to be more young men like you in the world.
> 
> When someone asked what type of girl you were looking for, you listed a bunch of typical positive qualities, almost TOO many. You didn't list physical characteristics, which surprised me, most guys do. You also did seem to have the air of 'pickiness' or perfectionism, and later on in the thread you said you were ignored and friendzoned by a lot of girls in college.
> 
> ...


I didn't ignore some of the more chubby girls and did try to get to know them better, but they didn't seem to be clear as far as asserting whether I would be dateable or not. I asked one out a few years ago via social media private message, but she didn't reply or give a clear signal about if she wanted to remain friends or go out. Recently I was asked out by an overweight young woman who is around my age from my current school, and I obliged politely and gave her my cell number, but she didn't send a text, call me or followed through with her request. I am generally physically attracted to ectomorphic women who have warm, intelligent and engaging personalities, but not supermodel attractive women who are sometimes vain and conceited about their looks to an unhealthy degree. Not all heavy women like non-heavy guys, as I have a friend who is heavy and has a heavy girlfriend. You seem to be generalizing about what heavy women are attracted to and what thin guys are attracted to. Some muscular guys are attracted to thin but trim women, some muscular men are attracted to curvy women, some muscular men are attracted to muscular woman and viceversa. Just because a woman would be physically attractive to me would make that the factor in which I would want to date her. In fact while some hot women did come on to me flirtatiously, I wisely backed away when she began to flirt with other guys in a shameless manner. One of the hot women at my college in which did come on to be was a bit chubby, and charmed me at first, but it became clear she wasn't dateable later when I asked her out and she replied she had a boyfriend, despite coming on to me and some other guys strongly and flirtatiously. I was asked out as a sophomore by a chubby female, but she also initially charmed me until it became clear to me that she was using me as a wet blanket to complain about her physically fit mesomorphic boyfriend's behavior, droned on about his macho tenancies, which she ironically liked and endlessly about how she found conventionally attractive, tall, muscular and athletic guys attractive (some she shamelessly asked out) despite her being in a serious relationship at the time. In fact she asked brazenly why I wasn't muscular and commented on how thin I was. I eventually stopped talking to her all together because of her immature and shallow behavior. Not all overweight women are deep and not all overweight women are shallow, same goes with skinny women, athletic women, curvy women, tall women, short women, women of average height, etc.


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## Cski (Feb 8, 2015)

Prada said:


> To be fair, there is similar stigma connected with female 20+ virgins. But instead of being a losers, we get accused of being prudes/extremists/man-hating (which is kinda funny considering my sexuality)/having issues. We usually get shocked look and questions like "Why?" or "Are you waiting for marriage?" or "Why don't you just bang someone?".


Oh my goodness yes! The closer you get to 30, the more questions...I'm currently 26. What business is it of theirs? Maybe I'm going for antique status. Lol. 

I haven't dated in the last eight years because the last two times were total miscommunications. And it didn't help that I was never quite sure how they really felt about me...and at the time I wasn't brave enough to ask. Plus, I was busy with school and life which is something neither of them understood...so I took a long break. And once I get one more major life thing checked off my to-do list, I fully intend to hop back into at least finding some guy-friends if not a serious boyfriend.

Lol, some irony for you...I'm straight and I've had three people gently ask me if I'm gay "because there's nothing wrong with that anyway"...well duh, lol, but no, thank you. I'm straight. Just nervous and busy. *eyeroll*


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

Do you consider yourself a supreme gentleman?


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## dreamingthroughlife (Feb 8, 2015)

Noctis said:


> I think the macho and arrogant ones have it easy because they are shameless about being sexually open, yet shy guys have it harder because of the pressure on them to make the first move, and be someone they are not. Plus a lot of shy guys faced a lot more rejections and feeling less attractive and desired than the arrogant and macho guys.


Thank you for explaining this- and I apologize for thinking that you were the shallower shy-guy type just like alpl the guys I read on sites like Reddit and ENotAlone for popcorn entertainment, LOL. Most of those guys have the IQ and depth of a low-growing mushroom. You aren't like them at all.  

Noctis, you are much less shallow and more thoughtful and deep than I made you out to be, and I sincerely apologize. I guess I'm sensitive to things like this, because when I was a young college girl, I struggled because I was quiet, pretty, but 'curvy,' not really overweight but a little more than what the girls who had a lot of dates looked like, and it hurt to be passed over because of a couple extra pounds and the handicap of being shy and introverted, like you. So you had found all kinds of girls attractive and not subject to a very narrow physical type. I also like that you don't like the overly flirty and aggressive ladies, it sounds like you have just plain WISDOM in that aspect.

I was a virgin until 25, because I wanted to save myself for a serious relationship i.e. marriage, and I did.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Noctis said:


> Tell me about a time that you could've had sex but turned it down


I have 2 stories 

This was back in high school - we were doing a play Midsummers night dream and a female friend of mine ( cast mate at the time ) would playfully flirt with me and I would flirt back with her . It's strictly platonic on my part and I think for her part too . Then suddenly after school one day she invited me over to her place and told me her bf has yellow fever ( she's Caucasian ) and was wondering if I could do a 3 some with them - at the time she proposed this to me I was 15 and the thought of a penis terrified me ( not anymore, but my hormones didn't kick in until 19 ) 

The second story is recently - last Friday my mom took care of my kids and I had the night with my husband . I was really horny dressed up in lingerie and waiting for him - he thought it would be fun if we were to drink first - which we did - I ended up getting really drowsy and knocked out - so much for our date night  


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

ai.tran.75 said:


> I ended up getting really drowsy and knocked out - so much for our date night
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That's hot.


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## DemonD (Jun 12, 2012)

Two questions.

Does being a virgin bother you at all?

What do you think of the phenomenon of any virgin over 20 being treated like a unicorn?



joshman108 said:


> How many people here are virgins? I am one. I would expect there to be more.


We typically don't announce ourselves.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

DemonD said:


> Two questions.
> 
> Does being a virgin bother you at all?
> 
> ...


*Does being a virgin bother you at all?*
I only get bothered if I am feeling depressed or if I start to worry about me being behind my peers
*What do you think of the phenomenon of any virgin over 20 being treated like a unicorn?
*I guess that is a good analogy. I think because sex is so encouraged among teens and young adults within society that virgins over 20 are rare. I know that male virgins like me over 20 are very rare.


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## BlackLikeMySoul (Sep 7, 2015)

Lexicon Devil said:


> Ok. Like, I would like to go from boobies to pubies. Something like that. :smile:


Wow, now that's a panty dropper.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

ai.tran.75 said:


> I have 2 stories
> 
> This was back in high school - we were doing a play Midsummers night dream and a female friend of mine ( cast mate at the time ) would playfully flirt with me and I would flirt back with her . It's strictly platonic on my part and I think for her part too . Then suddenly after school one day she invited me over to her place and told me her bf has yellow fever ( she's Caucasian ) and was wondering if I could do a 3 some with them - at the time she proposed this to me I was 15 and the thought of a penis terrified me ( not anymore, but my hormones didn't kick in until 19 )
> 
> ...


I am glad you are able to stand up for yourself and have self respect when you don't feel comfortable having sex. It takes a lot of self confidence to do so.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

ScientiaOmnisEst said:


> No, I think I get what you're trying to convey. Self-analysis, basically. That makes sense. Though I'm not sure about the level of choice one has in what to feel and believe. Perhaps your mind is unusual; I know I don't have that kind of control and that finding multiple perspectives of truth tends to just make me feel less in control, not more. Now unless that whole "parallel and true" brainfuck interpretation is legit...but I'm just liable to confuse myself at this point. :\


I just now saw your response to this. Maybe it's my 'P' function looking for more perspectives? IDK. I am always trying to understand the many 'truths' of a situation. One person could see humans fucking as just an act. Another person sees it as a confluence of divinity. Yet another sees it as a carnal passion. Who is right? Are they all not mere men blindly feeling different parts of the same elephant? In all of those subjective experiences we find Truth, but perhaps not a Truth that's outlined with a blanket answer so much as an "Experience of Truth" which points towards a universal life narrative.

You can choose your narrative. You can choose an aesthetic. The choice of a new 'perspective' might not be natural to one at first but given time and mental enforcement you can bait your mind to look at the world through almost any lens and succumb to another worldview. This is how murderers and saints, rebels and conformists, heathens and yogis are realized within the tabula rasa that resides in the frail human form. We all have the potential to tap into our higher or lower self.

"I will BE what I will BE."


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## Enxu (Dec 14, 2012)

@OP you should be proud of yourself, many girls, even non-Virgins secretly want a virgin husband, so give it to the one who deserves it.

theres nothing more hot and sexy than for a guy or girl who knows they're hot but restrains themselves for the one person they marry. I'm a virgin too and share your sentiments.


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## Fuel (Oct 20, 2015)

I have a question.

At this point, would you prefer just to have sex with the first girl who is interested in you or wait for the right person?


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

Fuel said:


> I have a question.
> 
> At this point, would you prefer just to have sex with the first girl who is interested in you or wait for the right person?


Somewhere in between. I want it do be with a girl I care about and am emotionally connected to. But it doesn't necessarily have to be with a girlfriend.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Death Precedes said:


> Is that Tommy from Kamelot in your avatar? I love Kamelot, but only pre-tommy Kamelot Mainly Khantatat era kamelot





Spooky Kitty said:


> Since when does Tommy have a beard? lmao





Noctis said:


> No, it's Roy Khan.


No idea how you thought that was Tommy. Very obviously Roy Khan. It's from the Poetry of the Poisoned era.


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## Rhonda Rousey (Sep 22, 2015)

Are you happy?


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

runnerveran said:


> Somewhere in between. I want it do be with a girl I care about and am emotionally connected to. But it doesn't necessarily have to be with a girlfriend.


Posting your okcupid profile will definitely increase your odds of getting with a girl.


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## Evolvenda (Aug 10, 2015)

Why is it such a big deal? 

Hmm. Maybe I should auction off my virginity? Place your bets, ladies! My virginity goes to the highest bidder :laughing:


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

marblecloud95 said:


> Posting your okcupid profile will definitely increase your odds of getting with a girl.



Lol. Not sure if being snarky or serious. A few people have found their SO's on Perc, so despite the odds I'm holding out hope.











Rydark said:


> Why is it such a big deal?
> 
> Hmm. Maybe I should auction off my virginity? Place your bets, ladies! My virginity goes to the highest bidder :laughing:


*Bangs down gavel*

"Alright everybody, settle down. Order! I said....ORDER."

*clears throat*

"Today on stage, we have one of the finest specimens you'll ever see. You can see the muscles and confidence oozing from his very pores. Just look at that BUTT. DAMN. If I way gay, the things I would do- "

*clears throat again*

"Anyway.......let's start the bid at five dollars. Do I hear five dollars? Five dollars, anyone"

* @_Metasentient_ raises her auction board in the audience*

"I hear five dollars! Five dollars going once. Five dollars going TWICE........SOLD to the android INFP.":exterminate:




:laughing:


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Fuel said:


> I have a question.
> 
> At this point, would you prefer just to have sex with the first girl who is interested in you or wait for the right person?


Wait for the right person.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

what did u just call me


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## Evolvenda (Aug 10, 2015)

runnerveran said:


> Lol. Not sure if being snarky or serious. A few people have found their SO's on Perc, so despite the odds I'm holding out hope.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Five dollars? Pfft! This virgin can cook, clean, and knows martial arts! It has to be at least $6, $5.50 at the lowest, man!


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

Metasentient said:


> what did u just call me



There, there, hal. Your circuits seem to be malfunctioning. Looks the back of your silicone head is literally falling apart!


No worries though! I will fix it for you faster than you can say Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.


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## Fuel (Oct 20, 2015)

Noctis said:


> Wait for the right person.


I've read some of your other replies on this thread, and I have to say that I truly respect what you're doing. 

I happen to be in my early 20s, and I am still a virgin as well. By choice. I've had opportunities, I was just never attracted to people on the levels I want. I usually don't even share that with people anymore because everyone seems to find it pathetic when you say "I'm waiting for someone I can truly connect with". In the past, I've been told that my expectations were unrealistic, but I'd honestly rather die a virgin than just having sex with someone I don't feel strongly for.

It's kind of heartwarming to know there are some people, especially males, who are in a very similar situation.

Now I guess all I can do is wish you good luck in your quest. I hope you find what you are looking for


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

runnerveran said:


> Lol. Not sure if being snarky or serious. A few people have found their SO's on Perc, so despite the odds I'm holding out hope.


What about you do you consider attractive?


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

marblecloud95 said:


> What about you do you consider attractive?


Copy and pasted from "perks/drawbacks of dating you" thread, since I'm lazy. If you want a more expanded answer, maybe I can give you one later when I have more time.

Perks 
+ Intelligent
+ Open to experience (big 5 trait -- basically it means I like trying and experiencing new things)
+ Kind
+ Great Listener
+ Non - Judgmental
+ Wide variety of interests
+ Knowledgeable about a lot of things from philosophy to religion to politics
+ Usually impartial
+ Affectionate
+ Likes to cuddle, despite being a guy 
+ High sex drive 
+ Decent looking, I think? Hard to to judge yourself impartially, haha. In amazing shape cardio-wise, moreso than ninety nine percent of people, and also started weighlifting a few months ago. Boyish looking cute face? :s Hard to judge
+ Decent cook and still learning
+ Doesn't mind cleaning
+ Has a major that could lead to a good career if I actually graduate with a good GPA
+ Has a job
+ Agreeable (Big Five trait -- honest, trustworthy, straightforward, modest, tender-minded etc.)
+ Aware of the five love languages, which is probably more than what most guys can say  And I would definitely try to cater to my partner's needs based on what they need most
+ Cares ALOT about making my partner happy


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

runnerveran said:


> Copy and pasted from "perks/drawbacks of dating you" thread, since I'm lazy. If you want a more expanded answer, maybe I can give you one later when I have more time.
> 
> Perks
> + Intelligent
> ...


Did you copy off this image? Because it looks like it.


>


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

marblecloud95 said:


> Did you copy off this image? Because it looks like it.


Lol, nah. I love that image though and identify with a bunch of it though


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

runnerveran said:


> Lol, nah. I love that image though and identify with a bunch of it though


Nice.


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## BornToBeMild (Feb 19, 2015)

@sweetraglansweater 's posts in this thread point to a number of fundamental truths that we can all experience. The first is the practice of being present. Most people are not really present even when going about their normal daily lives. When you become truly present, mindful in all respects, your experience of everything and anything is elevated to a heightened state. When two people achieve this together they share an experience beyond the ordinary. Most people approach relationships with the mindset of getting something from the other person, largely because of media brainwashing. Thus many relationships are more like business transactions. They are conditional. When we have the intention to give rather than take we end up benefiting in ways we couldn't have imagined.

Secondly, a by-product of directing your focus and energy to achieving an awakened state is the discovery of abilities, wisdom and realisations that were previously hidden or ignored. As humans we have brains capable of giving us perspectives and experiences beyond that of apes. We don't have to follow the script of our genetic code alone and let others interfere with it and influence us. I'm only at the beginning of my journey but I can say that there are feelings, sensations and mental states that not only heighten the sexual experience but transcend it. Whereas previously we may have thought it was the pinnacle of pleasure, we discover there is no limit. So let's not think like apes but think like the incredible human beings we are and share the experience.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

BornToBeMild said:


> @sweetraglansweater 's posts in this thread point to a number of fundamental truths that we can all experience. The first is the practice of being present. Most people are not really present even when going about their normal daily lives. When you become truly present, mindful in all respects, your experience of everything and anything is elevated to a heightened state. When two people achieve this together they share an experience beyond the ordinary. Most people approach relationships with the mindset of getting something from the other person, largely because of media brainwashing. Thus many relationships are more like business transactions. They are conditional. When we have the intention to give rather than take we end up benefiting in ways we couldn't have imagined.
> 
> Secondly, a by-product of directing your focus and energy to achieving an awakened state is the discovery of abilities, wisdom and realisations that were previously hidden or ignored. As humans we have brains capable of giving us perspectives and experiences beyond that of apes. We don't have to follow the script of our genetic code alone and let others interfere with it and influence us. I'm only at the beginning of my journey but I can say that there are feelings, sensations and mental states that not only heighten the sexual experience but transcend it. Whereas previously we may have thought it was the pinnacle of pleasure, we discover there is no limit. So let's not think like apes but think like the incredible human beings we are and share the experience.


You summarised my idea with a swift paragraph. Thank you.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Entropic said:


> No idea how you thought that was Tommy. Very obviously Roy Khan. It's from the Poetry of the Poisoned era.


I never really saw videos or pics of any of them until recently xD All I had was the cds


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## Hearth (Oct 15, 2010)

Then don't take advice.

I'm not a virgin


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