# Trouble deciding btwn ESTJ and ESFJ. HELP!!! :)



## Patoot (Apr 10, 2010)

Hi there. This is my first post. I'm hoping you can help me figure out who I am. 

I've taken every free test online there is and am thinking of taking the official test at the college at some point. I keep coming out right on the line btwn a T and F. I am a VERY strong J and strong S with a moderate E. Those are very consistent though I got an 'I' once, but it was barely an 'I'. 

When I read various descriptions of ESTJ's, I fit a lot of it except the emotion stuff. When I read the ESFJ stuff, I fit it except that I wouldn't call myself a big people person or joiner. 

It's driving me nuts not to have this settled (the J in me...which was as far left as it could go on this quiz...I'm very J). Can you help me?

I'm a 33 yr old female married to an INFP. Our marriage is wonderful and he's the best person I could ever imagine spending my life with. Not sure if knowing his type helps you know mine. Anyway...

I'll stick with the T and F stuff mostly since I'm sure I'm an SJ and pretty sure I'm an E. So here goes:

- I am very logical and it drives me insane when other people are not.
- When making decisions, I tend to think both about how it makes me feel, what I want, and also the pros and cons. I often write out pro/con lists (thinker), but have often found myself trying to come up with more pros or cons to sway my decision for what I already think I want...if that makes sense.
- I am VERY sentimental and wear my heart on my sleeve.
- I am very open and good at expressing my emotions.
- I don't understand ambivalence or why people are unkind for no reason.
- I am getting increasingly frustrated with people and have little patience for stupidity or incompetence.
- Unprofessional behavior really bothers me.
- I need to be appreciated. I want my accomplishments to be noticed.
- I was teacher's pet all through school and the model citizen.
- I love animals and am deeply touched my stories of abuse to animals or children. 
- I don't have a lot of friends, but I am loyal to the ones I have.
- I like making people happy, but I'm selective about who I become really close to.
- The most important thing to me in my life is my relationship with my husband.
- I am very responsible, organized, and traditional.
- I like jobs where I can move up the ladder and step into leadership roles.
- I have to try hard not to take control and make sure I listen to others' input.
- I'm not a parent yet, but I think I will expect my children to behave like good little citizens and will be embarrassed when they do not (more than I should)
- I will however protect them and love them like there's no tomorrow. 
- I feel good about myself when I can make someone happy or when I can accomplish something others notice.
- Sometimes it's hard for me to see how my actions may be perceived by others.
- It devastates me if someone thinks bad of me, but only if it's based on reality and I in fact did something wrong. If they are mistaken, I use logic to point out their flawed perception.
- I find flaws in other easily, but never point them out, and I can't take any criticism well. 


I can list more, but I'm wondering if this gives you enough information and I don't want to write a novel. I am currently a school psychologist. I love children. I previously enjoyed my job very much (in a different state) and I think it was because I was viewed as being an expert, parents really appreciated my work, and teachers came to me for help. I hate my current position, but the whole district is a mess and I work with a lot of incompetent people. That really bothers me and I find my own work ethic slipping because I feel like it doesn't matter. Previously though I would work long hours trying to do the perfect job.

Thanks for any help. I think I lean more towards an ESTJ because I am stubborn and will stick to my principles even if others don't like it and I am super logical and rationale. The only thing that doesn't really fit is the emotional stuff. I feel like I'm too open, expressive, and mushy to be an ESTJ. It fits better in most other ways though...I think.

Thanks again.


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

If you're looking to be typed, I might say ESTJ. I don't think a short answer, however, is fitting for your situation. One strong thing to remember is that ESTJs are fully capable of being 'emotional', 'mushy', and so on - the 'Thinker' part of their personality type in no way restricts this. Perhaps you'd benefit from reading topics in the ESTJ sub-forum we have here to get a picture beyond the general descriptions. Although your description of yourself seems very T-based, I would ask that you try to evaluate what is you adapting and making changes versus who you really are inside. Since it sounds like you are more along in life (above your teenage years, that is), it's very likely you're developing and have developed some traits that, while not changing who you really are, may make the scales a bit foggy.


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## Patoot (Apr 10, 2010)

Thank you. That's a good point. I even told my hubby the same thing..I've already been really good at identifying my weaknesses and flaws long before I took the quizzes. I've already adjusted so you're right...it's hard to know who I really am versus who I have become through making improvements. I will go read more. I know thinkers can feel and feelers can be logical, it's just that most descriptions (if not all) I've seen of ESTJ say they have a hard time with emotions and that's the opposite for me. If that's not the case, than I am probably an ESTJ. 

Thanks so much for the feedback. I know I wrote a lot. I appreciate it.


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