# 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗗𝗼 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗗𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗔 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱�𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗧𝗼 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲 𝗔 𝗥𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗞𝗶𝗱�



## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

You kindly ask the child to stop and explain why.


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

E) None of the above (other, specify)
F) Try to listen/understand what they're trying to tell. Re-sentence in a less rude manner so that they learn how to express themselves more smoothly.
G) Be someone worthy of respect.

signed: A mentor who used to be a disrespectful kid.


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## lifeaholic (Jan 13, 2021)

Use swear words. Make fun o' scallywags wit' 'em. Let 'em do sports like wrestlin'. Let 'em annoy other sprogs. Ye gotta let 'em enjoy their age 'n let the sprogs play.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

I have a 3 step program for discipline.

Step 1. The talk. I'll ask them what happened. Why they were being out of line. What they're trying to achieve. Do they feel mistreated? As many relevant questions as possible. If what they're trying to achieve is reasonable, I'll offer them an alternative method and help them practice. If it's not reasonable, I'll explain why I think it's not reasonable and ask for their opinion. We'll have a back and forth, go off on random tangents, come back to the topic, and go on like this until we come to an understanding. At this point, we'll make a promise that they will try handle things differently in the future, and I won't get mad if they mess up as long as they are genuinely trying.

Step 2. The silent treatment. If step 1 failed multiple times, we move onto step 2. I'll let the kid know that I won't be talking to or playing with them for a specific period of time. Any attempt to get my attention through more misbehaviour will increase this period of time. After it's over and they've improved their behaviour, I'll talk and play with them as normal.

Step 3. The smack. If neither step has worked and the kid is still unruly, it's time for step 3. Now, I normally don't advise people with smacking their kids. Most people do it completely wrong. There are rules to this. Rule number 1: It must not cause injury. Rule number 2: It must not cause pain. Rule number 3: It must not be on the face/head or any fragile part of the body. Rule number 4: It cannot be emotional.

Smacking a child should be no different in terms of applied force to a gentle tap on their shoulder when you want their attention. Because that's the whole point of it. To get their attention and for them to understand that you are unhappy. It works on an instinctive level. If you bring pain and emotional volatility into the picture, it will distract them from this instinct and you will not get a positive reaction from them. At best they will hate you and at worst they will fear you. If however you send the instinctive message without any emotion or pain, they will love and respect you instead. This used to be the only step in my discipline repertoire. It has always put an end to any and all misbehaviour instantly. I came up with the first and second steps after my partner expressed a strong dislike for the third step. Step 1 is incredibly time consuming, but it's actually worth it because you get to really know your kid, they way he thinks, his values, and sometimes you'll even realise that they weren't the villain they initially appeared to be. Step 2 is really hard on me, but it's effectiveness is reasonably high.

Now there's also an unnumbered step that's more effective than all of the above combined. The example. Kids are amazing at copying the behaviour of the adults around them. Treat them respectfully and they are a lot more likely to try and do the same. When you get angry or emotional, control your emotions and walk away when it's too much. They'll likely to cope with their emotions the way you cope with your own. Ask for their advice on things, and when they have good ideas, implement their advice. They'll be a lot more receptive to your ideas when they know you're receptive to their ideas.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

Go after the incompetent parents for having disrespectful children….


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

You avoid violence by all means, not only physical but allso psychological abuse! Things that doesn't seem scary for you can feel very scary for a child and harm them for life! The memories doesn't fade with time, and your child may never forgive you, even if they claim so. Violence causes unhealthy low self esteem and can cause lack of engadement with the world even after a lifetime of therapy. There is NEVER a situation that is so bad that it requires violent treatment!


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## Eugenia Shepherd (Nov 10, 2017)

Firm words/actions in a safe environment. 
It really depends upon age, also; an older child (e.g. 7 or 8) might be better suited, and ready for, a discussion;
whereas a toddler might receive a timeout/physical restraint (such as being held in one's lap) until 
they can calm themselves down.
I'd never harm a child, but I wouldn't allow a screaming tantrum to carry on in the middle of the grocery
store, church, library, etc. The child isn't allowed to rule the household or continually display inappropriate behavior.
Children _need_ safety, in addition to obvious boundaries.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

If the rude kid is not my kid, and is not the child of a close friend, I avoid them at all costs, because behind every blatantly rude and disrespectful kid is an enabling parent who will go postal on you for trying to correct their kid, and when I say "correct their kid", I don't mean fuss at or anything, basically just saying "You're not allowed to swing on that where are your parents?". I've had this actually happen to me while working in retail. I worked at a Dollar Tree where the kids would treat the rack for the shopping carts like it was a jungle gym while their parents couldn't make the minimum effort to keep an eye on them. The kids weren't even rude, just undisciplined. Couldn't imagine the kind of horrors coming out of the parent of a blatantly rude child: that rudeness has to come from somewhere.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

Electra said:


> You avoid violence by all means, not only physical but allso psychological abuse! Things that doesn't seem scary for you can feel very scary for a child and harm them for life! The memories doesn't fade with time, and your child may never forgive you, even if they claim so. Violence causes unhealthy low self esteem and can cause lack of engadement with the world even after a lifetime of therapy. There is NEVER a situation that is so bad that it requires violent treatment!


This is essentially why I'm often hesitant about advising parents to smack their children. Most people just don't get how it's supposed to be done. I can explain it. I can demonstrate it. They can act like they get it in the moment. Next thing you know, a few days later they still hold the belief that smacking only works if it hurts. And then I wonder why they came to me for help in the first place.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

U find another kid stronger than the disrespectful kid then get the stronger kid to fight the disrespectful kid. Then you show that you're stronger than the stronger kid and thus the pecking order is established and there will be respect.


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## SouDesuNyan (Sep 8, 2015)

Probably hide in the corner like how I handle any bullies.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I don't deal with kids on a regular basis, therefore, I don't care.


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

Send them to boarding school.


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## Eu_citzen (Jan 18, 2018)

Largely depends on cause of the mischief/disrespect, context, child (i.e. age, etc).

Some kids for example can be disrespectful because that's the only way they know to get attention. 
Then you have to teach then alternative ways -- even better if parents partake.
If there's a reason - and you can figure it out - it's possible to correct in a positive manner.

Like Eugenia said, firm words and actions, too. 
I also believe being someone worthy of respect. (partially demanding it, really, as a form of boundary)


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

I agree with a lot of solutions for what others have stated already. Is this my child or someone else's? 

I have seen some unhealthy parenting from both sexes but, the main two who had the most disrespectful/troubled children were an/are-
ENFJ female and an INFJ female. Uphill battle for the ENFJ's husband(now ex) and not sure if the INFJ's tries to correct it or is part of the problem. 

Both made their children responsible for their emotions and used them as pawns at their convenience in negative manners for adult situations/environments = They act like immature/tacky adults. It is pretty disgusting results. Let kids be kids. You are their support system not the other way around is the way I look at it. That has been a tricky/weird one to figure out. The parents are at fault for the behavior but, the child/children are the ones exhibiting it. Confronting either seems pointless. I tried to reason with the ENFJ because, we were close friends at one point. Her sons are 19 and 20 something now. INFJ's are pre-teen/teens and not sure of ages but, I am not close to her at all. 🤷‍♂️ And people wonder why boys(and girls) do not act like stand up men or women later in life. _sighs_


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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

X10E8 said:


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It depends on the demeanor, the action and the age. You said rude and not harmful which is unsavory but not cuasing harm. You could kindly explain why that behavior is wrong and how it effects others. While explaining a different approach. Also perhaps ask why the child/teen is doing the behavior. I believe a lot of times we just get angry at behaviors but don't find the root cause or even stop to think if the child realizes why it's rude. As a child I was sometimes seen as rude but often no one explained why it was rude. So I never got the point.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

edit: Honestly, imo people should probably read more parenting books before they even consider being around a child.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I guess...a child being disrespectful to me, personally?

I would take a breath. It's a child. I'm an adult. I act like the adult here. I'm modeling behavior for the child.

If it's a very young child, I would probably tell them how I felt. It makes me sad etc. I don't like that, please stop. It hurts me, please don't do that.

If the child continues, or doesn't seem to care, then I would think "how would I want this child to deal with someone disrespecting them in the future?" Because I'm modeling that to them. I'm showing them how to handle something they'll experience.

If there is another adult around, this is when the other adult should come in and reinforce--"you are going to make her sad, that makes me sad--please stop."

And of course if they continue with the behavior, they may need to lose privileges or lose play time or sit out until they can stop. 

This really hasn't been a problem to me though because I don't get offended by children. lol But it would be a lesson of...well how do I want this child to react? How can I best teach this child to respond when someone is being disrespectful.

I may even say something like "I don't want to play with you right now, because I don't like how you are talking to me. It makes me sad. I will play with you when you are listening to my words."

Not in a mean manipulative way, but to show--if someone's being disrespectful to you, then you can just walk away and not play with them.

And for a child, if they stop then of course I will always be there for them, or if they need anything. But it's just a small lesson to help them understand different ways to deal with the situation.

But again--I don't get offended by children so this almost never happened, and if it did I would be more concerned for the child than for myself, because I wouldn't want them to continue an antisocial behavior that could alienate them from other children in the future.


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## JonathanKieth (Nov 28, 2021)

The only solution I was taught since young,

is to beat the naughty child with a sugar cane or lock them up until they stop crying. 😂

Which of course, that itself is ridiculously wrong. Maybe... the 2nd part isn't, but anyhow,

I think the best way to deal with troublesome kids, is to set them up in situations where they cannot hurt anyone and make anyone forfeit to their ignorance. For example,

If you have a 5 years old child, crying, non-stop, seeking your attention and love, so that you can pity them and provide what they need endlessly without any consequences. THEN, set a boundary, draw a circle, and put them into that circle, and leave them in there until they stop crying.

The purpose of this is to help them understand that, there will always be a boundary between what's okay and what's not. And by leaving them crying alone without giving them the attention they wanted, they would feel "hopeless" for a few minutes, but eventually, they will understand that crying won't get you to notice them.

Now, after 20 minutes of crying and battling with themselves, the kid will stop crying, and you can go and give them a hug while saying how much you love them. And teach them to request something nicely next time.

BAM! EASY PEASY! LEMON SQUEEZY!


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## Not Emily (Nov 9, 2021)

WickerDeer said:


> I'm modeling behavior for the child.


I think that's the whole key. Young children learn by example. If you are loud and violent, then that's what they will take away from you. The words you scream hardly matter, unless they are hurtful. Model the behavior you want them to exhibit. I also agree that a temporary loss of privileges can be beneficial, because that prepares them for life. You can't throw a temper tantrum on a job and expect a raise.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Not Emily said:


> I think that's the whole key. Young children learn by example. If you are loud and violent, then that's what they will take away from you. The words you scream hardly matter, unless they are hurtful. Model the behavior you want them to exhibit. I also agree that a temporary loss of privileges can be beneficial, because that prepares them for life. You can't throw a temper tantrum on a job and expect a raise.


Yeah--modeling is important. So is being emotionally mature and rational, and thinking of the best interest of the child (which is also modeling how to be an adult).

If an adult can't even act like a mature party because of their emotional stunting, then they really cannot raise a mature child.


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## superloco3000 (Dec 15, 2017)

You have to beat them until they understand.
The whole modern nonsense of treating children like feathers has created all the modern psychological problems.

The Spartans knew how to raise children, that's why Athena fell before Sparta.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

My eldest daughter inspite of our own differences continually says I should professionally work with delinquent youth.

My eldest daughter and I have had our own barriers that are complicated. I struggled a lot between trying to be constructive with her yet firm. What I mean is due to her paternal side being extremely extremely into spoiling and enabling and often trying to demonize me to her. It made things complicated as far as her having two expectations between two homes.

Me trying to find a balance between being constructive and supportive but also not enable or feed into many things that are an outcome of one side of a family spoiling. I was left to be bad cop on more occasions than I would have liked. Also because my daughters dad is a narcissist and also my mom is, and I saw so many characteristics that I feared my daughter would be like that I was often scared she’d end up a shitty person.

So I was often minimizing her not out of not caring but out of fear of enabling. I feel bad I didn’t find a more even sweet spot of balance with this for her. But I do think she and I are close enough in the large picture and she is insightful enough to understand my intentions. I wish I’d of done better with her. And not been positioned to be the only adult figure to parenting among so many adults. The biggest thing I just try to stress to her now is how much I love her and want her to love herself.

It’s been easier with my youngest because the dynamic of the other external paternal family was not about spoiling and undermining me at every turn to my child. So I’d say with my youngest it’s been more balanced and ideal. As I wasn’t constantly having to offset extreme crap.

Both my daughters think I’m a pretty good coach. Or guidance kinda counselor person. They’d both say I suck very bad at being a therapist 🤣. Not because I won’t listen. I will and do. It’s when people start tearing up etc I tend to struggle with it specifically when it’s generic like. I have an easier time consoling them quick if it’s deep grief but if it’s just a feeling the situation out to milk it, well I suck at that.

I’ve generally tried talking to my kids when they were unruly. I did try to be someone they could respect. In most instances I have been that. The exception would be my own demons in my closet with my own ptsd. Which that grief was mostly dormant until the last like 5 years. When I had a mental breakdown.

My eldest is working out her own irritation with me. And I want her to do that with me and everyone else so she can have a healthy prosperous life. I feel grateful that my daughter came to me recently and told me that she’s pieced a lot together from speaking with different relatives on many things that have happened to me that I didn’t tell her about etc. And that she does recognize and personally identified on her own nothing to do with me, her dad and my mom are narcissists. It doesn’t mean I handled everything right. But it helps her understand and shed Light on some of what my fears and paranoia were on what she could become if I enabled somethings. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad and just hope for her to find wholeness.

Anyways In spite of all that. She’s the first to say In her opinion I’m the best to help disadvantaged youth. Ive taken in a few of her friends and a family cousin etc and helped them repurpose their lives etc. And for a while did case management with teens in behavioral health homes.

Aside from my near sightedness and fears with my own child mixed with my ptsd. I’m usually very constructive with children and tend to balance a message, questions to provoke insight, engage in interest, and focus on distraction while getting to the root. I.e. basketball, ‘let’s play a game of pig’ then you prompt with being goofy or share a small story you can relate to irritation with everyone. Then you wait for them to open up. If they don’t, you leave it a bit and then come back and discuss why you’d like to hear them communicate their frustration is because you want to make sure they don’t bottle that up. Usually kids and animals open up to me.

The only one I struggle with alot is my eldest and I absolutely attribute that to the circumstances of her paternal family, my ptsd, and a combo of trying to constructively not enable but also my fears too, my not being emotionally mature enough for the stages of growth she was going through etc. I’m just working on validating her where it’s possible and letting her know she’s loved.

I’m usually FGAC


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## thedazzlingdexter (12 mo ago)

X10E8 said:


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I feel like I would be a bad parent in this reguard. My instict is to love a child. If it was a logic mistake I would explain negitive consequences. If its plain rudeness I would explain why that might hurt a persons feelings and what an angel they are so of course they would not want to cuase that kind of harm to another person. If its becuase something is upsetting them I would tell its okay and tell them they are loved and hug them. Im far too gentle with children,I not sure I would be good at discipline. I also have several very young cousins I watched grow up and a lot of times I was the one who could get them stop crying. Kids are very sensitive. I was always one of the favorite cousins in my family as I often babysat the younger ones.


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

Man, I don't know. I don't have even one kid.

I guess you yell at them or throw small green peas at their head.

Take away their phone.


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