# So this guy killed himself today...



## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

So I found out that an old friend of mine killed himself today. I had a crush on him when we first met, and he later pursued me but nothing ever really happened. We were very close for a while though, I even slept over at his place a few times when he was anxious and didn't want to be alone, but that was years ago. His brother died of an overdose like 15 years ago and he's been struggling with drugs and depression ever since... I'm still in shock. I've never been this close to anyone who died so young before. 


How do you guys deal with death?


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## jdstankosky (May 1, 2013)

I'm not a good person to answer this. It would come across as horrible.


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear that. It must be quite a shock.

How I deal with death? My mother was probably the most hard to deal with for me. Because when my mom died my WHOLE life and life course changed. But it was the change which actually helped me deal with it.

And in retrospect, however cold this may sound, my mother's dead was rather a good thing. I loved her but I bet if she still lived to this day it wouldn't have ended so well with me.


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## phony (Nov 28, 2012)

*hugs*


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Crystall said:


> So I found out that an old friend of mine killed himself today. I had a crush on him when we first met, and he later pursued me but nothing ever really happened. We were very close for a while though, I even slept over at his place a few times when he was anxious and didn't want to be alone, but that was years ago. His brother died of an overdose like 15 years ago and he's been struggling with drugs and depression ever since... I'm still in shock. I've never been this close to anyone who died so young before.
> How do you guys deal with death?


How much of a part of your life today was he, in the practical ways? Is the shock more from losing an actual presence in your life or just the thought of him being dead far sooner than he might have died otherwise and how close you HAD been in the past?

The differences there would impact how I felt and responded, I know, in my life to such an occurrence. 

I actually had a high school friend die on me this past winter. He was 46 (I'm 44). We were actually kind of close in high school, we had similar personalities, but I can't say we remained close over the years. About two years ago, we hooked up again on FaceBook and started to rebuild. But we lived about 2 hours away and never went to visit, we'd just talk occasionally online, and I thought we had lots of time. He died very unexpectedly, of a sudden illness. Everyone was shocked. It did not impact my daily life, as he was not part of it, none of my routine changed, I didn't experience his direct absence.... but it was still kind of hard for me because I have a good imagination and I "felt" him being gone from the world and out of reach forever, now, and I had now missed an opportunity to close the gap. It reminded me to seize the day and not assume things about the future.

I think suicide can be even harder, as you start to wonder if you could have done something differently to change things. And then there might be more anger and pain involved, since he actively chose to end things....


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## John Coltrane (May 11, 2013)

Crystall said:


> So I found out that an old friend of mine killed himself today. I had a crush on him when we first met, and he later pursued me but nothing ever really happened. We were very close for a while though, I even slept over at his place a few times when he was anxious and didn't want to be alone, but that was years ago. His brother died of an overdose like 15 years ago and he's been struggling with drugs and depression ever since... I'm still in shock. I've never been this close to anyone who died so young before.
> 
> 
> How do you guys deal with death?






One of my classmates turned a shotgun on himself when I was 18, it was very shocking and today, 5 years later I still remember it every now and again and think how surreal it all is, and was. It leaves a lot of unanswered questions about the potential wasted and what their motives were. It was _extremely_ depressing but at the same time I wanted to slap myself across the face and tell myself, '_Well what do you expect,? Death is inevitable'_. I've always thought about the darker side of things from an early age so I don't see death as something horrible. I read a book recently called The Savage God by A. Alvarez, its half a biography of Sylvia Plath & half a study of suicide, it helped me understand it all a bit more, despite being a very dark read. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, I think we would all treat each other a lot differently if we kept death in mind more. Fortunately I've been lucky in that no one close to me has passed away recently.


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## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

Jennywocky said:


> How much of a part of your life today was he, in the practical ways? Is the shock more from losing an actual presence in your life or just the thought of him being dead far sooner than he might have died otherwise and how close you HAD been in the past?


We talked every now and then on Facebook but I haven't hung out with him in two or three years. He wasn't a part of my life at all anymore. It's just that he was a part of it once... and the memories which I shared with him alone are only mine now... It all just feels very strange and sad. I spend a lot of time secluding myself in my own little bubble where the world is beautiful, innocent, magical and safe, but every now and then something horrible breaks through my barriers and when that happens I have a tendency to go a bit off the deep end. Last time that happened was when I found out that a friend of mine had become a prostitute... I felt depressed for weeks.


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## jdstankosky (May 1, 2013)

Jennywocky said:


> I'm 44


*WTF?!?
 
**Forgive me if I decline to believe you're a day over 25, Missy.**
*


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

Sorry for your loss. It gets somewhat easier as you experience more deaths, but it is never really easy to lose someone close to you. 

I've been to funerals for infants, a few young teenagers (one nephew committed suicide @ 13 & my cousin died after a heart & lung transplant), a number of people in their 20's & 30's, an ex girlfriend who ran off the road, my father in law, and my mother. 

Just makes you realize how fleeting life is, make the most of it.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Two men I knew pretty well committed suicide. Well, one of the deaths was never established as a suicide, he was killed in the subway, hit by the train. I had been closer to him than most friends in some ways. 
The other friend killed himself with mess, made sure that he took the pills of Friday evening after work and left a note. He had just gotten out of grad-school and had gotten a really great job in a place he did not want to live and he was all alone. We were doing research in the labs next to each other before he moved. We were not super close, but we were both really good friends with another co-student and the three of us used to take coffee breaks and have lunch together. That death was harder on me, since I understood afterwards how incredibly lonely he must have felt, new city, new job, no support system.

i think that I dealt with their deaths the "classical way": total numbness first, then guilt for not feeling what I "should be feeling" and for not being there for them - could I have changed the outcome in any way? And than anger. How could they be so stupid/selfish/irrational? How could the persons close to them not notice!? Finally, after that came the sorrow phase and this was when the healing started for me. I was shocked when I finally started bawling after one of the memorial services, I had no idea that I felt so strongly, but I guess that's the mind'sway of protecting itself?

Just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. You are a human being and all your emotions and levels thereof are valid, nothing you feel is wrong. I think that talking with people close to you or at least search them out for comfort may help. Take care!


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## RaidenPrime (Aug 4, 2012)

This is basically what I went through with one of my child hood best friends. Well, not the same thing obviously, as we are all different people - but I've been in a similar situation. I would advise surrounding yourself with positive people and let yourself feel what it is you are feeling, and try not to feel guilty for any feelings you may be having.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

I've always seen death as something that just happens... It doesn't really move me in any way. I'm sure the ones we love would not want us to suffer for them.


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## Apdenoatis (May 23, 2012)

Diligent Procrastinator said:


> I've always seen death as something that just happens... It doesn't really move me in any way. I'm sure the ones we love would not want us to suffer for them.


Suicide is death but it's not just death. It's rejection of life, your friends, your family, and all those who you held dear. It's not like dying in accident because when someone commits suicide, it's obviously a conscious choice, and it's the nature of that choice that makes suicide potentially more devastating to others than just dying inadvertently.

And perhaps the ones we love would understand our pain.

@_Crystall_
I think depending on how the death occurred there's going to be a lot of different ways to deal with it and a lot of different things to deal with. In the case of suicide, thoughts of anger, guilt, resentment, and regret might be prevalent along with sadness or shock.

If you're thinking about what you might have done to save him, don't dwell too much on the what-ifs, because it's all long gone now, and sometimes there actually isn't much you can do. Just try to learn from what happened so that maybe you can help someone in a similar situation in the future.

As I think someone else said, it's okay to just let the emotions flow. Let it all come, cry if it helps, talk to a friend about it, etc. if it makes you feel better. Once you've gotten it all over with, keep moving on with your life. I'm not saying it's not a grim subject but merely that there's no need to let it weigh you down.

There are two sides to everything... your friend may be gone, but at least he's not suffering anymore, you know?

I hope you feel better soon.


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## CyanNebula (May 22, 2013)

*How do I approach death?*

I pray that God works through the peace of his family. I sincerely do. 

Three years ago, I had my mind set on taking my own life. Long story short, I saw no reason or no beauty in living and found it best I no longer reside here on earth. Things were just not going in the right direction. In the bathroom, I swallowed and downed every pill and hazardous chemical I believed would grant me death. (Yes, the whole thing was planned. Planned to die silently and away from my family) It was not a success. 

The chemicals began to froth and spill from my mouth. My vision began to twist and turn into darkness. I stumbled out of the bathroom attempting to dial 911 with my shaking hands. I couldn't speak and handed the phone to my sleeping mother in the horrible condition I was in. My knees began to give out and my heart began to beat at an irregular pace as though it was about to burst violently through my chest. I had no idea that that very same night I planned on taking my life was the very same night that became a chaotic nightmare as I was fighting desperately to live. I was so selfish. I looked into the eyes of my little sister only to see hurt. Not knowing how much time I may have left to live, my life flashed before my eyes. Literally. I couldn't believe all of the wonderful things I did not pay attention to! Was I ever going to see another sunrise? Wrestle with my little sister? Walk the stage triumphantly with my diploma? Why didn't I spend more time with my family? Will I no longer get to play in the rain and stomp in puddles? Why didn't I forgive this person for hurting me in the first place? And most of all: what if there is a God? What will He say to me? Will He help me even though I rejected Him after all this time?! Those very seconds seemed like hours. As you can see, I am alive. Every minute that passed while I was in the ER was a war. And triumphantly, I won, but not on my own. The things that happened in the ER are not very believable so I will end it right here.

The fact that I tried to take my life is devastating. And now that I know Christ, I will never try to violate the image of God that was give to me. If anyone is toying with the idea of taking their life, don't even dare think about such nonsense. _*Don't!*_ It is the most sacred gift that God has given you. "Don't use your freedom to violate your freedom." 

1939, King George VI was dying of cancer and spoke there very words on a international broadcast. "I said to the man who stood at the Gate of the Year, 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied, "Go out into the darkness, and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light, and safer than a known way."
Man! Life is precious. Don't waste this wonderful treasure. Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God.


As for now. . . 

I'm prepared to die. 

Why?

My life is not my own. Losing my life does not scare me but to waste it does. It wouldn't matter to me if someone were to kill me because they cannot hurt me. I am so free from them that I am free from myself. I will not be hurt by them but hurt for them. David Wilkerson once said, "You could cut me up into a thousand pieces and lay them in the street, and every piece will still love you." My life is in the hands of God and when I die, the journey has only begun. Each day lived is to be lived fully. Surely, people know they are going to die soon, but do not believe this is so. Morrie Schawartz said, "The best way to deal with that is to live in a fully conscious, compassionate, loving way. Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to recognize that this is the only way to live. . ." and "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things." And Martin Luther King Jr. was right. If you have nothing worth dying for, you have nothing worth living for. 

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

So what are you living for?

Love you all.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

Crystall said:


> So I found out that an old friend of mine killed himself today. I had a crush on him when we first met, and he later pursued me but nothing ever really happened. We were very close for a while though, I even slept over at his place a few times when he was anxious and didn't want to be alone, but that was years ago. His brother died of an overdose like 15 years ago and he's been struggling with drugs and depression ever since... I'm still in shock. I've never been this close to anyone who died so young before.
> 
> 
> How do you guys deal with death?


I'm sorry for your loss. :sad:

One of my daughter's friends killed himself almost three years ago. He was 17. 

I wish had suggestions on how to deal with death...but unfortunately for me, it gets harder to deal with as I get older.

I think it is important to allow yourself to grieve in a way that is natural for you.


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