# Am I an INTJ or an INFJ?



## RedTree (Apr 13, 2010)

I'll admit that I'm pretty floored by how this discussion turned out. I thought I knew my type, and then just being bored one day and looking through some of my old stories turned into me not only thinking I may have my type wrong but also the realization that I've been detached from my emotions for years. And I honestly didn't think at the start that pretty much everyone would be telling me they think I'm an INFJ, but as I kept answering the questions people were giving me and writing about my reactions and thoughts on things, I too look at the posts I've written and think it sounds INFJ.

In fact, I've done a lot of reading the past two days of things I wrote when I was younger, and I was definitely a Feeler as a child and adolescent, and I have no reason to believe it was just a phase. I also did some research online, at the suggestion of Peter, of INFJs under stress, and it sounds similar to what I've been through. This is too abrupt for me to definitively make a judgment quite yet, but I'm very much leaning toward saying I'm an INFJ at the core who has a developed T function (my poor, overworked T! *gives it a cookie*).

This whole thing is astounding me because the MBTI tests I've taken have always told me I'm an INTJ, and I've taken like six of them! And if any letter was borderline, it was the J, not the T (I have already wondered if I was really a J, and yes I am). It makes me wonder how reliable those tests really are.

Rouge:
_This is what I call empathy too. To be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes._

Your saying this brings up for me how I've been contemplating empathy since I started this thread. I've always thought of empathy as being when a person literally feels another person's pain or joy in their own heart. I rarely actually do that, which is why I've said that I have little empathy. I do, however, often have the knowledge of what they are feeling. I guess it depends on whether you define empathy as requiring feeling the person's emotions or simply having the knowledge of the other's emotions. I wonder, though, is it possible to be a Feeler and yet not literally feel others' and your own emotions too well? Or is just knowledge of the other person's emotions enough?

_If you're walking home at night with your housemate and you want to talk to shortest most direct route and she, the longer and more scenic one, what do you do?_

_(1) Persuade her to take your route. It's dark and you can't see much. It's more rational to take the shorter route to conserve energy._

_(2) Go with her on her scenic route without further discussion. So what if you have to walk longer? You're making her happy and that's what matters._

_You're INTJ if you pick option (1) and INFJ if you pick option (2). _

I read the question and decided before I read the options, and I would go with #2 unless there was a strong reason why I wanted the short route (in which case I would try to convince the other person of my opinion; but if they kept insisting theirs, I would probably concede).

Thank you, Rouge, for your very helpful posts! :happy:

lauradee:
_From reading your responses it sounds like you like the thought of being an INFJ more than an INTJ, which makes me think that you are probably an INFJ. I am one too, and had some rough knocks in my past, which has made me detached to a certain extent._

I'll admit that if I do like the idea of being an INFJ (darn you and your INFJ perceptiveness! ), but seriously I would rather just know and go with the truth than believe something because I want to believe it.

_One time I was counselling this girl in my youth group and this band was playing one of my favourite songs in another room. I totally wanted this girl to feel better and wanted to do everything I could to help her... but at the same time I was guttered that I was missing the song. and probably splitting my attention._
_Maybe you can relate._ 

Um . . . I'm actually kind of useless when people come to me upset or crying. It's like a deer in the headlights. I want to help them, but I honestly just have no idea what to do, unless they want to talk about possible solutions to their problem.

That does kind of remind me, though, of this time I was at a wedding reception, and this guy I had no interest in asked me to dance. I told him I had just eaten (which was true) and didn't feel up to dancing, but then the next song that played was the one song I'd been looking forward to dancing to the whole evening, and I was like, "Awww...". Music, man, it gets to you ...

lirulin:
_Unfair? Are you apologising? That's...unusual._

Unusual for who?

_It's a normal characterisation of intjs, that's why it seemed like an outsider's perspective to me - though it wasn't the only thing. Is it always criticism though? Do you always see it in terms of criticism? I find most of us are deeply confused where people even get the emotional relevance. Because a) how do you take a factual statement personally? and b) it was usually a theoretical conversation in our minds and c) they seem to somehow think they're more relevant to the conversation than they actually are. It's like people sort of impose some weird emotionalism and bizarre interpretation of personal relevance on what could have been a normal, rational conversation about theory or, sometimes, facts. Whereas you are describing it as a tension between withholding criticism to spare their feelings (of which you are apparently aware) and honesty. We give up trying because we don't understand why we keep making people cry. Eventually it gets so ridiculous it's funny, or we get so angry at these irrational people for blaming us when we were just talking, being straightforward, adding none of these double-meanings they keep imagining into our words, and we know we weren't doing anything they're accusing us of, that some of us start doing it on purpose. This, to me, seems very different from your description._ 

Okay, I see what you're saying. I didn't realize that INTJ's don't have knowledge of the other person's feelings. You're right; this is different than what I was saying. As for your question about my talking about criticism, I think I phrased it in terms of criticism because Feelers tend to view anything that doesn't promote total acceptance of the other person the way they are and/or total harmony among relationships as being criticism and I think I was unconsciously speaking from their point of view (yes, I know, more evidence of me being a Feeler). I know that not everything is about relationships or even about the other person in any way, but since Feelers tend to think about people and relationships a lot, they can view a statement as being about those things even when it really wasn't intended that way. So, no, it's not all about criticisms as intended by a Thinker, I was more saying it in terms of what a Feeler might call a criticism which may or may not have been intended as such by the Thinker. But your telling me that INTJ's don't have an awareness of the other person's feelings sheds a whole new light on the subject for me; thanks for explaining that to me. As I stated earlier in this post, I'm really leaning toward being an INFJ, and your comments just reinforce that.

Mercurius:
_I realize, now that I read my post again, that when saying "I empathize with your situation", I don't really empathize, I just imply that we're both in the same boat, which I find somewhat cosy, when thinking of the fact that we're experiencing a similar conflict. It is as if the idea strikes me more than feeling actual emotional uh, vibes, towards you. Though somehow, eventually, the idea makes me fluffy. Like it's endearing for two people to "feel similarly" :O Anyways, I'll stop trying to make something out of this. I'm both endeared and confused and that's not a good mixture. _

A totally-non-empathetic-yet-slightly-fluffy-yet-non-emotional-but-somehow-endearing vibe back at ya:wink:

_... As I've read this post here about "Offending without understanding why", I'm being very reminded of conversations between my mom and myself. I've had to conceptualize her personality in order for me to not laugh with the situation as if I do not care, but rather TRY to somehow... Uh... I don't know... Sometimes I think it's best to just laugh, like I've always done, when it's obvious we don't understand each other and then try to come to some sort of middle ground - it's just extremely hard because I cannot always be as level headed and "steer" the situation for us to achieve a better understanding and so progress in our parent vs daughter bond. I really try to express my original care more, as I come off disrespectful or simply uncaring otherwise. I realize that I may cross the 'respect' line and this is a hurtful fact, making me question our relationship. But anyways... (That's another story, I guess) I learned it may work to hug and such. (Yes I do sound robotic now, but srsly, I'm not =P If my mom would be in intense pain I'd be / am in pain as well!! I do not want loved ones to suffer, not if they don't deserve it. Makes sense, right?)_

_I'm unsure how the relationship with your parents is._

_My father is a T and I have an easier time communicating with him, overall. (Though my mother is more responsive as a person, generally - she's more E and F, so that does affect the atmosphere between people and how they may or may not feel in a situation, though I must say, I don't really feel anything around them - it's more so that my thoughts govern me and I try to keep THEM in check/harmony. Some things may annoy me during communication due to perfectionism._
_Conflicts make my head hot and only affect me emotionally if some painful truth is being said or going on.)_ 

Yeah, it's hard with family when you have natural conflicts of personality that seem to always interfere in you having a relationship (or even a simple conversation sometimes), and yet you love them cause they're family but dear God you don't understand them.

My parents are both T's, and my conflict with my mom is more about her sensoring and perceiving (she's an ISTP) and her not getting my seemingly out of nowhere comments and my minor freak outs when she announces she wants to do something with me in a half an hour
and forget my plans. (My dad is an INTJ, and our conflicts are way beyond type.)

It's actually my younger sister who gets into subjective vs objective statement conflicts with me all the time. She's an ISFP who's very much a Feeler. Usually, I can tell what comments will piss her off, but sometimes I can't. Like how she was telling me she wanted to try out for Broadway. Okay, that's great, but then I told her I thought before she would do that she should work on some pitch problems she has with her singing. I was just thinking that I was helping her have a chance of doing it. But she burst into tears and told me how I was being so demoralizing. I was like, "...HUH?". I tried to explain to her that I was didn't mean anything by it and if I didn't care about her dreams I wouldn't have bothered to say anything, but she didn't get it. I love my sister, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I'm either in conflict with her or walking on eggshells.

But you talking about your parents got me thinking that maybe one of the reasons my T is developed (or that I have some T-like qualities) is because both my parents are like that. Maybe I learned some of it from my environment growing up.

_Just thought this may be some food for thought. I hope it's worth it._

It's always worth it to post in my awesome thread! 

HandiAce:
_Another thing to think about is that INFJs tend to internalize their logic and rationalities just like I do. What I mean by that is that they want things to be clear to themselves. 

An INTJ would be more inclined to impose their logic on the external world. That is why they are known as people who want to take over the world because they want to see things all logical and rational to them go forth in front of them. In terms of feelings, the INTJ seems to hold their own personal values that creates a bastion of a soul from within them._

Again, more reasons for me to lean toward being an INFJ. Although, I'll admit that occasionally I wish I could wave a hand and make people behave in different ways. But in actual practice, I would probably stop myself if I had the chance and think, 'why do I assume my logic/values are superior to everyone else's in the world?' and not actually do it.


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## HandiAce (Nov 27, 2009)

You are not alone in terms of often preferring the thinking function. As a child and even today, I often come by to other people as a personality with introverted thinking as a primary function (INTP or ISTP). But I have my reasons for not being one of them such as me showing empathy towards my family and so on. 

Perhaps it's part of being an introvert where you can only be empathetic towards so many people.


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## Peter (Feb 27, 2010)

alex8321 said:


> This whole thing is astounding me because the MBTI tests I've taken have always told me I'm an INTJ, and I've taken like six of them! And if any letter was borderline, it was the J, not the T (I have already wondered if I was really a J, and yes I am). It makes me wonder how reliable those tests really are.


This I have wondered about as well. One of the things I have noticed is that when you ask job applicants to do the MBTI test, the number of people that type as an ESTJ is surprisingly high. I asked them all to answer the questions based on how they really are and not based on what they want to be. I also told them that we do not have access to their answers. (We used a common online test which does not record their answers.)

Yet, way too many people type as ESTJ (literally more than 70% of them.) Just doesn't make sense.

But then I realized that there is a factor that needs to be taken into account. For example, one of the questions is something like: "I am almost never late for appointments. Yes or No?" Obviously, most people are always in time for their appointments when at work. But if you ask their friends you may get things like: "Oh he's always the last one to show up."

People answer questions within a certain frame of reference which can be different depending on the situation. Doing an MBTI test at home you´re more likely to have your private life as a frame of reference than when you´re doing the test as part of a job application.

Your frame of reference depends on many factors. I take the test every 2 or 3 months to see how the percentages change over time and I found that the frame of reference depends also on your most recent experiences. For example, if you went to a couple of parties in the last 4 weeks where you met every time only with very close friends, some questions may be answered differently than when these parties were in places with mostly people you don't know.

So the test on it self is not bad, but to answer the questions as you really are is not as easy as it may seem. People don't know them selves as well as they think they do and are even less aware of how their views today depend a lot on their most recent experiences.

Learning to take the MBTI test and really giving the right answers on how you really are is a tough job. Especially the (simplified) online tests are more sensitive to your inability to really judge yourself. This is why the complete official test is a couple of hundred questions and I believe you´re even suppose to do this together with an expert on the MBTI that can help you look at your self in the right way.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

alex8321 said:


> Your saying this brings up for me how I've been contemplating empathy since I started this thread. I've always thought of empathy as being when a person literally feels another person's pain or joy in their own heart. I rarely actually do that, which is why I've said that I have little empathy. I do, however, often have the knowledge of what they are feeling. I guess it depends on whether you define empathy as requiring feeling the person's emotions or simply having the knowledge of the other's emotions. I wonder, though, is it possible to be a Feeler and yet not literally feel others' and your own emotions too well? Or is just knowledge of the other person's emotions enough?


I'm an INFJ with a strong T. I don't feel the emotions of others either. But I'm always aware of how people feel. When they're sad, it triggers off sadness in me. I'm feeling my own sadness however, not the sadness of the other person. Even if it's the same emotion, I don't see it as experiencing exactly what they're experiencing.

I'm not sure if this is the case for all INFJs. But I'm certain I'm one. Hope this helps!


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## Thorgar (Apr 3, 2010)

T refers to the values you use in making decisions. As in, do you focus on what is logical as opposed to how it will affect people. That's it. Being T does not mean "I have no emotions" or "I can't relate to others' emotions." Saying that you repress emotions in making decisions defines a T, not a closet F. Being empathetic is not as common a TJ characteristic, but the lack of empathy is not definitional.


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## thegirlcandance (Jul 29, 2009)

Ok, so lets walk this through a bit...

INFJ= Ni Fe Ti Se
INTJ = Ni Te Fi Se
INTP = Ti Ne Si Fe

Are you naturally empathetic to others? Fe

Do you tend to have a strong belief or idea and then once someone gives you their perspective its almost like your idea is "lost" because of your strong empathy? INFJ

Do you live your life in a relatively orderly fashion? Meaning, are you relatively systematic in your daily actions -- always on the go, have a set daily routine perfectly, etc., but not easily sensitive to the troubles of others? Te

When you formulate an idea, do you typically come up with just one "perfect" one that causes you to have an "A ha" moment or is it several different ideas and you can't decide which is better? Developing one = Ni, Several = Ne

Do you think inwardly to figure out the best word or use or the best way to word something verbally or written? Ti

Do you tend to be distracted by noise in the background when your studying or reading? Are you unable to read when there is some sort of external noise because you can get distracted? Se

Do you have an internal value system that causes you to 1. Be very aware of your own feelings internally and 2. Judge the external world based on your strong beliefs and ideals? Fi

Any confusion or questions, just ask!!:wink:


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## kuletchuchi (Jan 11, 2012)

Rouge said:


> I'm an INFJ with a strong T. I don't feel the emotions of others either. But I'm always aware of how people feel. When they're sad, it triggers off sadness in me. I'm feeling my own sadness however, not the sadness of the other person. Even if it's the same emotion, I don't see it as experiencing exactly what they're experiencing.
> 
> I'm not sure if this is the case for all INFJs. But I'm certain I'm one. Hope this helps!


I look at myself the same way too. I don't always feel the emotions of others, however, I'm aware if they are hurting or if I hurt them by their facial reactions. Their sadness also triggers sadness in me, but I'm not sure if I'm really experiencing their sadness. Strangely enough though, I always thought I was an INTJ that just developed my Feeling side, because I used to not care about what others feel (especially if they're irrational). But lately my boyfriend tells me that I get overemotional about certain things, and sometimes crave more emotional connection with my other friends. So now, I'm not sure what I am -- if I'm INTJ or INFJ. Can I be both? 50/50?


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## snowbird (Jan 29, 2012)

Thinkers spontaneously tend to critique; Feelers spontaneously appreciate.
You suggested that your ISFP sister work on her pitch. That comment was so spontaneous. It makes me think you're an INTJ. You meant well.


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## snowbird (Jan 29, 2012)

<<<In fact, I've done a lot of reading the past two days of things I wrote when I was younger, and I was definitely a Feeler as a child and adolescent,>>>

I'm not convinced that whatever you wrote makes you a feeler. If you wrote stories that involved people with feelings, that doesn't make you a feeler. An INTJ could have written that.


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## hesperidian (Apr 29, 2012)

I have same dilemma intj or infj, and I act in many ways same as Rouge and Alex, I am new in this so I now realised that in treatd I posted it was more random toughs and everyday examples that could give help to determine witch type I am. Alex is more systematic and familiar with purpose/meaning of questions from tests, when I read all your quotes I start to think you are all psychology students
Only thing I and Alex dont have in common that even I am open to my family and friends I say things more on diplomatic way then straight forward to avoid heating they felling even we are weary close. And some of friends dont understand something even if I point outdirectly they would justify what they are doing even if I was strait.


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## INTJellectual (Oct 22, 2011)

I have the same problem as you. I'm also a borderline T/F. But there are differences to INTJ and INFJ. Cognitive functions are the clue. You should research more and read about that article. And also ask some INFJs and INTJs. They could help you find the answers.


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## Prion Indigo (Jan 3, 2012)

INTJellectual said:


> I have the same problem as you. I'm also a borderline T/F. But there are differences to INTJ and INFJ. Cognitive functions are the clue. You should research more and read about that article. And also ask some INFJs and INTJs. They could help you find the answers.


What were you like when you were young and how did you develop?


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## INTJellectual (Oct 22, 2011)

I'm pretty sure I am Introverted Intuitive or Ni-dom (Introverted Intuition dominant). I think my auxiliary function was not developed at its full potential. I think my Te has been suppressed. I am sensitive but sometimes I'm also defensive. But my main thought was always like plan plan plan for the future and giving my life deadline of what I want to accomplish. That's what my teenage and early 20's kind of thought. In my childhood years, I was always imaginative an loved to create stories.


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## snowbird (Jan 29, 2012)

kuletchuchi said:


> But lately my boyfriend tells me that I get overemotional about certain things, and sometimes crave more emotional connection with my other friends. So now, I'm not sure what I am -- if I'm INTJ or INFJ. Can I be both? 50/50?


I think INTJs can be very emotional, at times. Anyone can get very emotional. This has nothing to do with deciding between INFJ and INTJ.


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## CaroCaro (Apr 22, 2013)

Interesting thread! Seems I have a similar issue.

I recently took the MB Test to identify my personality type. I keep either coming up as INFJ or INTJ. Reading their respective descriptions, I do identify very strongly with both though neither fits me perfectly. 

From posts above: 

_INTJ = World domination
INFJ = Saving the world
_
_World Domination_._ I like being in control. _

_INTJ = Decisions via objective results
INFJ = Decisions via subjective feelings

Both. I value feelings, especially that indescribable gut feeling I sometimes get but at the same time value tangible results. I wouldn`t discard either of these but make decisions using both of them. 

INTJ = Providing people with solutions to their problems
INFJ = Empathising with people to help them feel better

I am not that empathetic ( though it does not mean that I lack emotion). Rather than jump in and make someone feel better, my first instinct would be to find a solution to their problem. I like the bottom line and resolution. 


INTJ = Interest in understanding how things work
INFJ = Interest in understanding how people work

Hmmm...well.... I do like to ponder about the hidden motivations of people. What led them to make the decisions they made, why did they act the way they did, etc.... Though, it is not really to understand them in order to be able to get along with them better but moreso to gather information about them and keep that information with me for whenever it proves to be useful. 

I do like to know how things work - the ins and outs - so that I can try whatever those things are myself instead of relying on someone else. Not only that though; I do have a natural curiosity about the world and a very wide pool of interests. 

INTJ = Values rationality and intellect
INFJ = Values instinct and psychological insight

Both. Definitely both. Though too much rationality gets on my nerves. Rationality alone to me seems cold. It has to come with some sort of emotion. Whatever that emotion is. It can`t be lifeless. 

Rouge:
Other clues you could be INFJ rather than INTJ:

You know it when someone is upset, even if he/she doesn't say it. You know it when someone is lying to you or trying to hide something.

Absolutely! I take in people`s vibes like a sponge. There are times when I can`t put my finger on why there is something off even when to a normal observer everything seems perfectly fine but I just know something is just not clicking. I can sense it. It takes merely seconds to notice that something is not right. And that is when I got into super observation mode and observe that individual to take note of any behavioral patterns that might develop over the long term that might tie in with that initial moment I had of something not clicking. 


You're a closet romantic. You've written poems and burned CDs for ex girlfriends.

I am a romantic. I love romantic movies that make you cry, romantic gestures ( though I hate being given flowers; they wilt in the end), and the notion of happily ever after. Though happily ever after will probably never happen. But I like to indulge in such thoughts. I really don`t like poems though. 
_


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## NighTi (Jan 1, 2013)

@CaroCaro, this very old thread resonates with me as well but I feel strange using it to talk about you. If you start your own thread using @Spades's http://personalitycafe.com/whats-my-personality-type/99679-whats-my-type-questionnaire.html, I promise to respond, perhaps using some insight from my own recent self-discovery as an INFJ with highly developed introverted thinking (Ti).


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## CaroCaro (Apr 22, 2013)

@NighTi,

Hi, I posted a new thread called: What`s My Type Questionnaire: Answers! Am I INFJ or INFJ?in the What`s My Personality Type? forum under Personality Cafe


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## lindz (Jul 31, 2013)

This thread has been really helpful to me because I have also been trying to figure out if I am an INTJ or INFJ. I do think that you current life experiences can affect how you answer the test questions since they are based on self reporting. I think that I am a jaded INFJ which makes me answer the questions like an INTJ, but who knows.


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## Rainbow (Aug 30, 2010)

Definitely take into account past phases. And answer based on our current outlook only. 
Also when was a kid I was close to my current real (since I'm not in a phase right now) type. So it makes more sense. Growing up I think all people go thru phases.


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## type_guide_student (Feb 19, 2014)

*re: INTJ or INFJ?*

Hi Miss, (Original Post)

You know, I feel like what you just said could be equally true for me as well. I learned to stifle my feelings intensely as a child as a psychological survival mechanism. It stunted my emotional development until I was 15 when I realized this was going on, until I was half way through college when I really started to do something about it, and recover my lost emotions, their expressions and what they would mean for my identity and values, and now that I'm 31, my life path, especially with regard to career. I have consistently typed as INTJ, with a moderate Te preference, however I also feel much more emotionally aware, and have a much higher EQ than most INTJ typically, so I could identify as an INFJ as well, and have tested that way in the past. 

I think, or rather, I feel, from my personal experience, you could be right on about this, identifying your natural instead of just learned tendencies. There is a similar thing that can happen for J and P as I've learned from a trained MBTI expert, who taught me many people are actually P, but because the culture values J more highly and structures life much more, people become "adaptive Js" instead of natural ones. The same could be true of Fe and Te as well. So the conclusion might be to continue with your experiment, for a while (3-6 months?) and then test again, after you've had time to adjust to your new-modified personality enough to know what is still natural to you and what is not.

Type experts would insist that you have a set and identifiable natural MB type in childhood by the time you're 5 or ten years old at the latest, and that this doesn't change and is fixed through your lifetime. They would insist that your personality was distorted by circumstances and that you acted on non-preferential characteristics (ie. Si if you are naturally an Ni, or Te if you are naturally an Fe), and that habituating to using them blurred your true type's clear expression. So an antidote might be to follow your true type by more consciously observing your choices and preferences for information, extroversion/introversion and structure, and even recording some observations in a journal, and then re-testing after a period of time. This would conform with my personal advice for you. 

I've tried to offer both a personal and impersonal view of this for you. Does this reveal I'm actually an INFJ since I feel like responding to even though I have no objective reason to do so? It might, but then again, I might still be an INTJ anyway. Maybe type matters less, than passion and interest. Hope this was useful to you, and I would be happy to chat with you more privately about this if you're interested.


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