# Did you have controlling parents?



## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Just curious to see how common it is. There's a huge difference between a parent making a suggestion when you're an adult, or creating a helpful rule as a child (such as doing your homework before watching TV). 

When I talk about controlling parents, I'm talking about parents that desperately need to dominate your every move. These parents refuse to believe that their adult kids have the right to their own decisions. They control how you look, how you feel, how you think, what you do, what you eat, who you talk to, who you date, how much you weigh..the list goes on. When you don't comply with their rules, all hell breaks loose. You have to put up with guilt, emotional blackmail, temper tantrums, critical comments, and god knows what else. 


Did anyone else grow up in this kind of house? Did you also live with your parents as an adult, because you didn't want to disappoint them? Did your parents pressure you to keep living with them as an adult?


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

My dad is a huge narcissist, so yes, I grew up in a house that never was my home. My dad controlled everything. Everything was about him and for him. As children, we were just in his way of having a great day. Speaking your mind or having my own thoughts was discouraged. My dad also didn't hesitate to scream and shout and hit us.

After reading Nina W. Brown's _Children of the Self-Absorbed_ I understood the magnitude of the dysfunction I like to call my childhood. I highly recommend reading it, along with the books of Alice Miller e.g. _The Drama of Being a Child_.

What's it like at your end?


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

. Thanks for your response and sorry to hear that you went through that, bear. It was a therapist at age 25 that told me that my mom was a narcissist, otherwise I would have blindly accepted her behavior as normal. I'm so glad I got out and got to see the real world.

It's good on my end, but my parents still try to interfere. They try to get me to agree to an arranged marriage, they try to get me to stay away from inter-racial dating, they try to get me to lose more weight than I want to, they try to control what I wear, they try to come see me and take control over my apartment, etc.

I tried to keep things civil ever since I moved out, but it's getting draining. I may cut ties or go very low contact. That's what a lot of children of narcissists do anyway, due to the emotional danger they inflict.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Not really! I feel like I have developed kind of a controlling-like mentality.


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

JoanCrawford said:


> Not really! I feel like I have developed kind of a controlling-like mentality.


LMAO, the star of mommy-dearest comes in this thread. My good friend told me about this movie when he found out how my mom was like.


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## slender (Sep 28, 2012)

nope. my dads just like "sure. ask your mom." so i go and ask my mom and she says "ask your dad, i have no clue about that stuff."


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Mum didnt let me drink spirits when I was 15, I considered that controlling.


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## hulia (Sep 13, 2012)

Nope. Both of my parents aren't controlling at all. I bet if I felt like going down to 7/11 and stealing a couple drinks, candy bars and chips and told them about it, they'd probably say "That's nice, sweetie." 

I wish they were a little more controlling in some aspects like kicking my arse off the computer and away from my game consoles to do some productive things once in a while. Even when I got my job when I was 15 (which I still work at today), the first thing to come out of my mum's mouth was "You should've waited until you were 18!" Yeah. And they aren't even bums at all. Way too carefree sometimes it almost makes me want to enlist in the military to learn some discipline.


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

loving2011 said:


> . Thanks for your response and sorry to hear that you went through that, bear. It was a therapist at age 25 that told me that my mom was a narcissist, otherwise I would have blindly accepted her behavior as normal. I'm so glad I got out and got to see the real world.
> 
> It's good on my end, but my parents still try to interfere. They try to get me to agree to an arranged marriage, they try to get me to stay away from inter-racial dating, they try to get me to lose more weight than I want to, they try to control what I wear, they try to come see me and take control over my apartment, etc.
> 
> I tried to keep things civil ever since I moved out, but it's getting draining. I may cut ties or go very low contact. That's what a lot of children of narcissists do anyway, due to the emotional danger they inflict.


I went low-contact for now. I got tired of trying. I have to accept my dad will probably never be available for anything regular.


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## Nekomata (May 26, 2012)

I had temper tantrums, but what kid hasn't? I wouldn't say that my parents were controlling, they just let me do what I wanted, generally *shrugs* which was fine considering that I was a shy and antisocial child anyway~ xDD. Of course they still try telling me what to do years down the line but meh.. *rebel* although when dad shouts... *tear* ;-;


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## great_raisin (Oct 17, 2012)

My dad was always very particular about 'discipline' and conformity. He still is. He wasn't really _controlling_, but he did impose a lot of rules and restrictions on me. Rules and restrictions that for some reason, other parents didn't deem necessary for their children.


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## 37119 (Apr 11, 2012)

If you'd asked me two years ago, I would have said yes. I was stupid and couldn't see my dad's reason for anything. I now realize that my parents give me a lot of freedoms, many more than some of my friends have.


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## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

My parents are not controlling at all. In fact they pretty much leave us alone. My mother instilled some discipline in us when we were young and my dad did the occasional yelling. There are certain ground rules we have - no alcohol in the home, no smoking indoors. They were always interested in our studies and getting high marks (like all good Asian parents I guess :/ ), and my father and I had a huge showdown when I wanted to do a degree in humanities rather than medicine. 
They insist on a few things like that, and even though I don't have a curfew, they expect me to keep them informed about my whereabouts (I'm staying with them for a bit now). But both of them act like parenting is a huge burden and it's the last thing they would rather do, especially my dad. He has a studied indifference towards us and I didn't notice or care much when I was a child but it's begun to show itself more now. My parents have the attitude that we can go do our worst and they're done trying with us. It is all quite normal. *shrugs*


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## amethyst_butterfly (Mar 14, 2011)

It's a coincidence that I found this thread because I have been reading a book about this subject. I am 26 and still live with my parents and I feel is time for me to become an independent person. I have not been feeling happy with the state of my life and I wish it could be better. There are so many things I want to do but I feel the I will never be happy by living at home. My parents still treat me like a child. I feel insecure about living alone and making my own decisions because they have always controlled every aspect of my life. They have always made all the decisions for me and and when is time to make a decision for myself I feel insecure and I need to ask my parents for reassurance. They have given me everything I need. I have always lived comfortably but I feel that this is retarding my ability to grow as a mature and independent person. 

They always have the need to criticize and control things without me asking. They want to control what I eat, what I say, how I am suppose to behave. If I do thighs a certain way and they immediately criticize and say that I should have done it another way because they way they do things is better and I have pretty much lost my own sense of self because of this. That is why I am so insecure and anxious because I feel that nothing that I do is right and I need my parents guidance to feel that what I am doing is correct.

Because they have taken care of me and have given me food, shelter, education and many comforts I feel that I have owe all this things to them. I feel that I need to be loyal to them and take care of them that is why is so hard for me to move far away from them because I feel is my duty to be for them.

They love me very much but they are very unaware of how much this has been harming me. 


The book I am reading is called: "If you had controlling parents". The book have stories of people who were raised by controlling parents which can be too extreme. I feel that my situation is not that bad compared to others because I had never been abused, abandoned etc but the control still exits and it can be equally harmful.


http://www.controllingparents.com/

http://www.amazon.com/If-You-Had-Controlling-Parents/dp/0060929324


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Hi Amethyst,

Like you, I didn't leave my home until 25. Do you know why? My mom and my ex-boyfriend at the time would say *"you can't live on your own. you don't know how to cook, you can't do this or that, you don't have enough money, bad things will happen to you, you're going to get raped, blah blah blah."* I chose to believe them thinking that I really couldn't live on my own, and then later found out that they lied.

I finished my masters degree and landed a job out of state at age 25. I had saved up several thousand dollars from my part-time job. When I told my family I was moving out, my mom couldn't use the *"You don't have enough money" *excuse. She refused to talk to me for 5 days, because she was so pissed that I was leaving the home. I packed everything in my car, drove 16 hours in the snow to another town and I've been living on my own successfully for the past 4 years. Leaving was the best decision I've made. There is no better feeling than being free and being able to see the world. My first apartment was a tiny studio with no couch and no cable tv, but I didn't care. I could come home knowing that I didn't have my mom or my ex boyfriend trying to control my every move.


Anyone who says you can't live on your own is lying. As long as you can pay your bills and take care of your basic needs, you will do fine. If homeless and poor people are able to get by in life, so can anyone else.


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## amethyst_butterfly (Mar 14, 2011)

Yes, my mother can induce a lot of fears on me and she can contradict herself because one day she motivates me on moving out and other days she tells me the opposite. I sometimes think that she wants me to live close to her because she wants me to take care of her just like she does with my grandmother. She is still young close to her 50's. We have a good relationship and we are always together but this suffocates me as well because I feel she doesn't understand my needs. She thinks that by living under their roof I am happy. I feel desperate and tired of being locked in my house. I want to live my life by my own rules. 

I understand that my mother wants me to leave prepared by knowing how to cook etc and she has been teaching me. It's good that I am taking advantage of this time so I can learn to do domestic chores before I leave but I feel that sometimes she can exaggerate things like if I were not capable of learning by myself. My father is different and he encourages me to find a better job someplace else. My mother on the other hand wants me to settle with my crappy job and stay at home which makes me unhappy.

I did lived by myself once but since it didn't went so well because I was in an unhealthy relationship I came back home and mom sometimes tell me that she doesn't want me to call her home crying if things don't go well with my career and etc. 

How is this going to help me to grow up and have courage to live on my own if she is constantly making me feel like I am still not ready to leave. In a couple of years I will turn 30 yrs old and I don't want to still be single and living with my parents. I feel like a child trapped in a woman's body. I come from a latin family and they can be that way. Most latin parents don't motivate their children to move out when they are young adults. 

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story



loving2011 said:


> Hi Amethyst,
> 
> Like you, I didn't leave my home until 25. Do you know why? My mom and my ex-boyfriend at the time would say *"you can't live on your own. you don't know how to cook, you can't do this or that, you don't have enough money, bad things will happen to you, you're going to get raped, blah blah blah."* I chose to believe them thinking that I really couldn't live on my own, and then later found out that they lied.
> 
> ...


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## Cristy0505 (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes, I did but I’ve always been a rebel.


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## Mustang (Oct 24, 2012)

Hm.. I had an extremely controlling mother (who in turn was a daughter of a senior Army drill sergeant during WWII), and a father (who had an absentee father) that didn't give two cents about what I did; funny how that worked. Amusingly this balanced me out, and in my adulthood I've had many, many more problems talking with my mother than I ever have with my father. My father respects the work I've put in the last few years and recognizes my work and academic related success, and trusts me to make good decisions since I haven't screwed up (majorly) yet. My mother, on the other hand, has strained our relationship immensely by still treating me like a little kid and belittling most of the ideas I bring up about where I want my life to lead. I warned her very sternly recently that if we were to have any sort of relationship for the rest of our lives, that she needed to shut up and not give her opinion unless expressly asked to. So far it's working, but we'll see. I have the benefit of living over 1k miles away and not having to answer the phone!


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## megeetaytay (Nov 12, 2012)

I have an extremely controlling ESTJ dad. It's very, very hard.


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Amethyst,

My parents are from India, so the idea of an unmarried woman being on her own is unheard of in their generation as well. 

You're lucky that your mom is teaching you how to cook, because my mom didn't. My mother wanted to do everything for me, and I think this was an unconscious way to keep me dependent on her. After I moved out, she finally agree to show me a few meals. I had told her, "Who is going to marry me if I don't know how to cook?" That got her to step it up. 

Even when I'm on my own, I still get nervous cooking in front of others. I feel like I can't do it as well as others, since others were taught by their parents at a young age. I learn on my own through youtube and cooking classes, but I still wonder if it's good enough.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

Yes.

10char


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## Theyknow (Oct 23, 2011)

I suppose. The first seven-eight years of my life weren't all that memorable, my dad or mom didn't really bother me. From nine to now (me being fifteen) things went down hill. My mom had a eight year fight with cancer before passing away this year, and my dad grew very abusive, along with being bipolar and having some type of paranoia problem. He believes (or believed, I wouldn't know, seeing as to how I haven't spoken to him in almost 2 1/2 months) that the Roman Caesar was a god and lived a lot of his life the way ancient Romans do. Knowing anything about ancient Rome, it would be safe to assume that he was controlling. Now, I live with my grandmother who pretty much lets me do anything I want that isn't stupid. I don't really do stupid things, so I guess I have a ton of freedom now.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Yes. Sadly.


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## crazitaco (Apr 9, 2010)

they are super controlling about certain things, then don't give a crap about others.


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## EmileeArsenic (Jun 8, 2012)

loving2011 said:


> When I talk about controlling parents, I'm talking about parents that desperately need to dominate your every move. These parents refuse to believe that their adult kids have the right to their own decisions. They control how you look, how you feel, how you think, what you do, what you eat, who you talk to, who you date, how much you weigh..the list goes on. When you don't comply with their rules, all hell breaks loose. You have to put up with guilt, emotional blackmail, temper tantrums, critical comments, and god knows what else.
> 
> 
> Did anyone else grow up in this kind of house? Did you also live with your parents as an adult, because you didn't want to disappoint them? Did your parents pressure you to keep living with them as an adult?



My mother was incredibly controlling. She passed controlling and settled completely in abusive. She had to dominate everything from what I wore to school to who my friends were, what I painted, the music I listened to, how much I ate of what and when, I had to climb the stairs a certain way, and when the wind blew my door closed one day after an argument, she took it off the hinges and I went a year without having a bedroom door. When I got it back, I wasn't allowed to close it for another six months. Since I was a minor, she had access to my bank account and would closely monitor how much I spent and where, even though I had a job and was earning my own money. If she thought I was spending too much money or didn't like how I was spending it, she would drain my account and I rarely ever got any of it back. She would either make up some expense that I had that she'd covered, call it "upkeep," call it my rent, or flat out tell me to go F*** myself. This money was usually spent on her. After a few months of this, I got the idea to take out my money in cash so she couldn't control my money so tightly and before I ever even got to the ATM, she told me that if I knew what was good for me, I'd not drain my account. I still have no idea how she knew my plan (I guess it was kind of the next logical step for me to take, but the timing tripped me out). She was a hoarder. The kind you see on tv, and if I wanted to go out, she wanted at least a week's notice, and when asked she'd say she'd think about it, and the night before, she would tell me I'd have to clean a certain room, but wasn't allowed to throw anything out. This wouldn't be an issue under normal circumstances, but when you consider that the room was almost always one that was piled up to your chest or higher with useless and usually broken crap, it was impossible. It would've taken 5 people a month to go through one of those rooms.

If I didn't play along, she would get violent and make me clean her house sometimes over-night on a school night (meaning starting at about 8 and I wasn't allowed to stop until the sun came up, sometimes later), and would tell me all night that if she got a call from school that I'd fallen asleep in class, there would be hell to pay. She was bipolar and Schizophrenic (she wasn't diagnosed until I was 21 and had long since moved out. If you've ever heard Christopher Titus' Norman Rockwell is Bleeding, I lived that. It's just as awful as it sounds. I sat there glued to the screen while he detailed what his mother was like. It was like they were each other's evil twin), and you could never tell if you were going to walk into an unwanted hug followed by the most uncomfortable cuddling session you could ever imagine (who wants to cuddle with someone they literally hate?) find her having torn half the house apart "cleaning," find 15 dozen cookies baked for her new cookie business (for which she didn't have a license, not to mention she was using copyrighted recipes) or go to walk up the stairs and end up being pinned to the wall or the floor having to fight someone who outweighs you by 150+ lb and is attempting to strangle you, spend the night being told that you were possessed or, my personal favourite, walk in and find your entire bedroom has been emptied, all of your possessions save for bed-sheets, half of your furniture and three days worth of clothing is gone (read: thrown away, and the garbage guy's already gone for the week) because she didn't like the way you looked at her last week, even though you've been half way across the country for three weeks visiting relatives and just got back today, and then learn that she expects you to replace the refrigerator you broke over the weekend and are expected to pay for the water damage. I spent most of my time between the ages of 13 and 18 half expecting Rod Serling to step out from behind something, make a speech and explain that I was in The Twilight Zone.

My family didn't believe me because that wasn't the her they'd grown up with (it's not uncommon for Schizophrenia to start rearing it's ugly head when the patient is in their late 20's to early 30's, and my mother started showing symptoms when she was 29, so, no, it wasn't the her they grew up with. Hell, she wasn't the her I grew up with, either. The her I grew up with as a kid was cool.), so they thought I was an attention seeking teenager, or actually the mentally ill one. I was medicated for six months for a mental illness I didn't have because the psychiatrist believed what she said, when, actually, she was describing herself. Finally, after I moved out, she had an episode in front of a doctor and was institutionalised for a while. My family still insists that not all of what I said could be true, so, I cut off contact with 99% of them. I don't have time in my life for people who think I'm a liar. I know what I went through, and I know I'm completely sane. I've had myself checked out a few times just to make sure. I'm good.

She fell ill when I was 17, and was bedridden for six months, meaning I had to care for her around the clock. I checked her into the hospital at 4:00 AM on Thanksgiving morning 2007, and moved out that day. I haven't spoken to her in five years, and I don't ever intend to. I couldn't care less what she thinks of me, or what she wants. My life is infinitely better without her in it. I've not fully recovered, I still have nightmares, social anxiety and blah blah blah, but it's getting better. 

She's recently remarried (I tried to warn the dumbass. He'll learn eventually) and I'm hoping against all hope that she's unable to have more children. The day I learn she's pregnant, I'm hiring a lawyer and seeing what I can do to get custody of that child. I don't even like kids, but I can't let someone else go through what I did, and even I would be a more fit parent than she. It's made me very wary of ever even considering having children as it's likely to be genetic, and I seem to have dodged the bullet, but that doesn't mean my children would be so lucky, especially since there is a history of this type of disorder in my family that no one wants to acknowledge.

To anyone looking to get out of an abusive situation, it does get better once you're out and I'll pass along the quote that helped me:
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” ~ Unknown


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## amethyst_butterfly (Mar 14, 2011)

My parents do most of the things for me. The only thing I do for myself is go to work and a couple of chores that I do automatically every week. I am very dependent on them and seems that they want it to keep it that way. Mom wants me to cook but not because she wants me to move away but just to help her out in the kitchen when she is tired. She does want me to marry a good man but she does not understand that in order for me to meet a man I need freedom which is what I lack. She understands but acts like if it's not important to me. She sometimes say that I should never marry and stay single because marriage ends up being monotonous. I am a normal person like everybody else who wants to be loved. 

She can also be two faced. One day she can be supportive of your plans and the next day she is against them. She thinks of the worst case scenario that can happen to me while I am living on my own that I end up believing everything she says and I end up with no desire to do anything. 

I am really sick of my situation. I have been without a car for 3 years and this is suffocating me because I have no freedom to do anything. I can't even go to the pharmacy that is close to home without her because I have to depend on her for transportation. Then she whines that she is tired of being driving all day. She contradicts herself. The reason why I don't have a car is because I haven't had a secure job since I graduated college which is one of the reasons why I am so dissatisfied with my life but she wants me to settle with my job and stay at home. 


My parents are not bad compared to others who abuse of their children physically and emotionally but I am over-protected. I am 26 yrs old in a couple of years I will turn 30 and I still don't have a mind of my own and seems that it will never change until someone comes to my life and gets me out of my home.

This information is insignificant because all types of parents can be controlling but my parents are ISTJ and ISFJ.



loving2011 said:


> Amethyst,
> 
> My parents are from India, so the idea of an unmarried woman being on her own is unheard of in their generation as well.
> 
> ...


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## amethyst_butterfly (Mar 14, 2011)

Don't worry too much about your cooking. Having a cookbook in hand really helps. You just need to follow all the steps. What matters is that it tastes good. 



loving2011 said:


> Amethyst,
> 
> My parents are from India, so the idea of an unmarried woman being on her own is unheard of in their generation as well.
> 
> ...


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

My real parents not at all. My mother had some personal stuff going on and my father was the most laid back person I have ever known.

As for my foster parents: my mother is not at all, so my father is a bit.


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## momof2 (Jul 21, 2011)

Bear987 said:


> My dad is a huge narcissist, so yes, I grew up in a house that never was my home. My dad controlled everything. Everything was about him and for him. As children, we were just in his way of having a great day. Speaking your mind or having my own thoughts was discouraged. My dad also didn't hesitate to scream and shout and hit us.
> 
> After reading Nina W. Brown's _Children of the Self-Absorbed_ I understood the magnitude of the dysfunction I like to call my childhood. I highly recommend reading it, along with the books of Alice Miller e.g. _The Drama of Being a Child_.
> 
> What's it like at your end?



I had a narcissitic mother and unfortunately that made me a co-dependent. I didn't have a childhood but I only focused on excelling in school and care taking. Alice miller opened my eyes with the drama of the gifted child. I sometimes wonder if all intuitives come from troubled childhoods since mind reading is what allowed us to survive. It sucks but at least we are not alone.


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

momof2 said:


> I had a narcissitic mother and unfortunately that made me a co-dependent. I didn't have a childhood but I only focused on excelling in school and care taking. Alice miller opened my eyes with the drama of the gifted child. I sometimes wonder if all intuitives come from troubled childhoods since mind reading is what allowed us to survive. It sucks but at least we are not alone.


I have quite a number of siblings and not all of them became more intuitive as a result of the way we were treated. I think having abusive parents does hugely reinforce an intuitive person's way of being. My intuition became my only real strength. It had to be.

Some of my siblings reacted by acting out. In a way they've become more successful at life in the long run as a result. Both of them are married with children and own their own home. That gets to me sometimes, being single and next to penniless.

Thanks for sharing in any case.


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## blackballoon (Nov 16, 2011)

Same here, except its my father that has NPD. My mom seems to be co-dependent, all of which in turn has made a co-dependent too. :dry: Dysfunctional and faked happiness family on a very high level. 
What i am grateful for is that: at least my mom & grandmom have the ability to love unlike my NPD dad despite their issues; that i am not a NPD myself, and that I found that it is HIM, not me, that is wired wrong. 

There is no worse mental abuse than being gaslighted by an NPD.




momof2 said:


> I had a narcissitic mother and unfortunately that made me a co-dependent. I didn't have a childhood but I only focused on excelling in school and care taking. Alice miller opened my eyes with the drama of the gifted child. I sometimes wonder if all intuitives come from troubled childhoods since mind reading is what allowed us to survive. It sucks but at least we are not alone.


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## Kyandigaru (Mar 11, 2012)

Yes yes yes!!!!!!!!

The only way I can stop their controlling ways is to marry and/or get a job and save. Both solutions are far away from happening. So, I'm stuck with them!


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## bluefizzure (May 9, 2010)

Oh yes. Very much so. Drove me crazy when I grew up and lived at home. Though I could barely afford it, I moved out by myself after I graduated from college. They still try to control all things about me, but I don't see them that often, and when I do, I do my best to ignore it.


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Wow, thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I stepped out into the world thinking that most families in America encourage their kids to leave the house at 18. While I can't 


Did any of you guys date people just to please your parents? Did they try to sabotage your relationships if they didn't like the person you were with?

For example, I dated an effeminate medical student that was possibly gay JUST to gain my mom's approval. Even though I chose this man, I was going by my mom's criteria and not what I truly liked. 

If my mom doesn't like the person I'm dating, she will do anything to break it apart or plant seeds of doubt. When I dated a man outside of my race, she told me that people in his race aren't serious, dump their girlfriends after a few months, cheat, and are only going to marry their own kind. She was wrong, as he was the most invested and committed boyfriend that I had. But, her comments did have a negative impact on the relationship. Not only does it stress me out, but it makes the partner feel threatened too. There were times where I thought *"Why bother dating? Who is going to want to put up with my mom and her antics?"

*Anyone else in a situation like that?


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

blackballoon said:


> ...and that I found that it is HIM, not me, that is wired wrong.
> 
> There is no worse mental abuse than being gaslighted by an NPD.


Try having a BPD (Borderline Personality) older sister who acts as a very controlling figure your whole life. 

She constantly projected her flaws onto me and made up stories about how others would come to her complaining what an embarrassing, annoying, awkward person I was; I wasn't allowed to socialize with my friends or watch the shows I was interested in without her constantly nitpicking at them and making me feel self-conscious or low about myself. Not to mention the way she abused our gender differences; I was always at fault due to being male. It was okay for her to slap me repeatedly, but once I got big enough (when I turned 13, and she'd turned 20), she threatened to have her boyfriend kick my ass, or even call the cops on me, if I ever hit her back, telling me that as a male I was at more risk of being punished by the law than she was.

Not to mention she had the capacity to scream and yell for hours on end, and use plenty of double standards/dirty tricks in her arguments; there was no winning with her unless my parents got involved, and then she'd scream at them. So we learned to tiptoe around her, but even that didn't work at times; if I tried to walk away, she'd even follow me around the house, saying "Face your problems like a man, you pussy!" And then in family gatherings, she'd make plenty of jokes at my expense, then scream at me in the car on the way home for being so embarrassing/talking too fast/stuttering/etc; my weight and lack of a girlfriend was also a favorite tool of hers to use. 

She's out of the house now, but there's still a lot of leftover resentment, not to mention anxiety.


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

loving2011 said:


> If my mom doesn't like the person I'm dating, she will do anything to break it apart or plant seeds of doubt. When I dated a man outside of my race, she told me that people in his race aren't serious, dump their girlfriends after a few months, cheat, and are only going to marry their own kind. She was wrong, as he was the most invested and committed boyfriend that I had. But, her comments did have a negative impact on the relationship. Not only does it stress me out, but it makes the partner feel threatened too.


My sister fed me crap like that my whole life about people in general. In fact she sometimes called my extroversion "desperate", saying that I "shouldn't chase" people so much, along with other shit about how people are going to get put off if I do x/y/z/etc


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## bales33 (Aug 8, 2012)

No, my father despised all forms of authority.(even when he was the authority) He might just have beat some sense in to me if he thought I was the type who allowed others to control me. Now my mother... well, she's nice most of the time but I choose to live with my father for a reason.

I guess it should come as little surprise that I grew to be a reflection of my father.


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

SugarForBreakfast said:


> My sister fed me crap like that my whole life about people in general. In fact she sometimes called my extroversion "desperate", saying that I "shouldn't chase" people so much, along with other shit about how people are going to get put off if I do x/y/z/etc



Holy crap, this sister sounds like a nightmare! Have you read "Walking on eggshells? Loving someone that has BPD" (or something like that). Sorry to hear that you went through all of that. I hope you don't live with this sister anymore. If your parents looked the other way, then that's just damaging.

My mom might have some BPD traits, but her and I get along much better than we ever did before. Our relationship isn't perfect, as she can show BPD/NPD traits once in awhile. Living far away helps!


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

loving2011 said:


> Holy crap, this sister sounds like a nightmare! Have you read "Walking on eggshells? Loving someone that has BPD" (or something like that). Sorry to hear that you went through all of that. I hope you don't live with this sister anymore. If your parents looked the other way, then that's just damaging.
> 
> My mom might have some BPD traits, but her and I get along much better than we ever did before. Our relationship isn't perfect, as she can show BPD/NPD traits once in awhile. Living far away helps!


I was recommended that book by a friend a while ago, actually. That's how I first learned about BPD.

Indeed, living away from the person helps.


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## Echoe (Apr 23, 2012)

The stories in here were very sad. I hope you all recover well from your experiences.


My home was not controlling with us kids really, but it was very neglectful. The early days were good, but (I don't like discussing the subject and will make it short) when I was about 12 my mother got addicted to drugs and shelled away from us out of paranoid fears. She was controlling and cold with my father though, and he became very depressed and lost emotional stamina for a relationship with his kids, and as a result it was difficult to get a 5 minute conversation out of him and when you did it was very trite and non-engaged. It was the same story with my mother, except because of her paranoia. I didn't have a relationship with my brother either because he chose to focus his anger on me and was only an ass. I'm not exaggerating, none of us really had relationships or knew each other. It's draining and depressing when no one is ever happy and you don't know anyone and they won't let you.
Parents separated shortly before I graduated high school. Fun wasn't quite over by then, but in freshman year of college I decided to break contact with my mother who was still being difficult and it felt good, liberating. I still had personal shit to sort through, but the drainer was gone. The other two had dropped contact with her by then as well, and it's been uphill (the good kind, lol) since.

But anyway, that's not really the sort of control situation being discussed in this thread. I cannot fully empathize with anyone, me not having been exactly in anyone's shoes, but my house was not nice and I'm free now and getting better all the time, if that's of encouragement to anyone. I was an unhappy little mess crawling out of there and had to learn a lot of things, but I'm feeling overall happy and normal now, about life and myself. Life's getting easier the more I learn; I've actually picked up some of my better discoveries from this damned website and just the Enneagram in general, ha. I was always afraid I'd never be like where I am now.


I sort of meandered around, but again, I'm sorry for your experiences (some of the stories in here were truly awful) and I hope you can all move on through whatever it's done for your perspective of the world and yourself.


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## GuruOfReason (Feb 4, 2009)

loving2011 said:


> Hi Amethyst,
> 
> Like you, I didn't leave my home until 25. Do you know why? My mom and my ex-boyfriend at the time would say *"you can't live on your own. you don't know how to cook, you can't do this or that, you don't have enough money, bad things will happen to you, you're going to get raped, blah blah blah."* I chose to believe them thinking that I really couldn't live on my own, and then later found out that they lied.


This is pretty much my experience in life.


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## GuruOfReason (Feb 4, 2009)

amethyst_butterfly said:


> I am really sick of my situation. I have been without a car for 3 years and this is suffocating me because I have no freedom to do anything. I can't even go to the pharmacy that is close to home without her because I have to depend on her for transportation. Then she whines that she is tired of being driving all day. She contradicts herself. The reason why I don't have a car is because I haven't had a secure job since I graduated college which is one of the reasons why I am so dissatisfied with my life but she wants me to settle with my job and stay at home.


And that is one major reason our generation is fucked. Back in the 1950s/1960s, a man could drop out of high school, find an entry level job that allowed him to buy a nice house in a nice suburb, a decent car, and afford a wife and 5 kids. Even in the 1980s, you could get a job at McDonalds that allowed you to buy a shitty car and rent a shitty apartment. But today, you can't even do that anymore. College graduates can't get jobs these days, and the cost of living today is FAR higher than it was in the past. 

While people (read: the media) talk about what effects this has on our generation, one thing that you rarely hear is that it significantly stiffles the freedom of people our age. There are many of us that have a NEED to move away from our parents. There are many parents today who still want to control our lives, and to prevent us from living real adult lives. Maybe they disagree with how they think we will live our lives (whether it has to do with religion, politics, gender/orientation, or ethnicity), or maybe they just have malice in their hearts and don't care if you ever become an adult. Whatever their reason, in the 1980s and before, a young twenty-something could just get a McJob that paid enough to cover all of the basics of life. So, if you disagreed with how your parents were treating you, you could easily remedy the situation by getting a job and moving out. Today, this is extremely difficult. A McJob cannot support a person these days. 

To me, this is not merely an economic problem, even though all of the media are treating it that way. Rather this is a problem of freedom. Because young people are being denied the economic resources to live truly free lives, this economic depression is killing freedom in this nation.


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## GuruOfReason (Feb 4, 2009)

For some reason, I am strongly attracted to white women, and my family (particularly my mother and sister) are against it. I have a feeling that they are trying to sabotage my love life because of it. 



loving2011 said:


> Wow, thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I stepped out into the world thinking that most families in America encourage their kids to leave the house at 18. While I can't
> 
> Did any of you guys date people just to please your parents? Did they try to sabotage your relationships if they didn't like the person you were with?
> 
> ...


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## amethyst_butterfly (Mar 14, 2011)

I am going to give you an update on my situation. I finally have a car which has released a huge weight off my shoulders. It has given me more confidence and autonomy but my mother still worries about my safety so certain things haven't changed. I still live with my parents so I still have to live by their rules but they act this way because they care about me. Perhaps I am going to be the same way when I have my own children. This world is a scary place and things have gotten more complicated.


But I do agree with you that the economy has killed freedom and is the reason why young adults are struggling to find success by their own without the help of their parents. Many young people are judged negatively by older people who say that our generation is "lazy" and "incompetent" but the reality is that many young people have adapted this attitude because they see no hope in the future. Many people are frustrated because they can't find a job and the ones who have one are unhappy because they don't feel fulfilled in their career. It's hard to leave your current job to find a better one because opportunities are scarce so you keep the one you have even if it makes you feel miserable. It's hard to take risks during these times.

Another issue is that a lot of baby boomers don't want to retire from their jobs even if they have enough money in their banks simply because they don't want to be bored in their homes which is causing a problem for young people who are fresh out of college and are looking for their first opportunity. This society is out of balance. 







GuruOfReason said:


> And that is one major reason our generation is fucked. Back in the 1950s/1960s, a man could drop out of high school, find an entry level job that allowed him to buy a nice house in a nice suburb, a decent car, and afford a wife and 5 kids. Even in the 1980s, you could get a job at McDonalds that allowed you to buy a shitty car and rent a shitty apartment. But today, you can't even do that anymore. College graduates can't get jobs these days, and the cost of living today is FAR higher than it was in the past.
> 
> While people (read: the media) talk about what effects this has on our generation, one thing that you rarely hear is that it significantly stiffles the freedom of people our age. There are many of us that have a NEED to move away from our parents. There are many parents today who still want to control our lives, and to prevent us from living real adult lives. Maybe they disagree with how they think we will live our lives (whether it has to do with religion, politics, gender/orientation, or ethnicity), or maybe they just have malice in their hearts and don't care if you ever become an adult. Whatever their reason, in the 1980s and before, a young twenty-something could just get a McJob that paid enough to cover all of the basics of life. So, if you disagreed with how your parents were treating you, you could easily remedy the situation by getting a job and moving out. Today, this is extremely difficult. A McJob cannot support a person these days.
> 
> To me, this is not merely an economic problem, even though all of the media are treating it that way. Rather this is a problem of freedom. Because young people are being denied the economic resources to live truly free lives, this economic depression is killing freedom in this nation.


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## EternalNocturne (Nov 4, 2011)

Did I have controlling parents... Well, my father being an ENTJ, some would suspect, though in reality my mother was quite possibly the more controlling of the two. My father just wanted the house to be clean, and us to incessantly make "good choices". There was a degree of threat with that, though. For example, I seriously injured myself when I was 13 or 14.. I just did my best to take care of it, and I moved on. I dealt with that injury from October to May, because I knew that if I told them, they would take me to the hospital. After taking me to the hospital, I would never hear the end of it. The following Christmases we would undoubtedly hear whispers about how "certain things" have destroyed their budget, and not wanting to carry that burden, I took a calculated risk and hid my (I suspect) spiral fractured tibia.
Thankfully I recovered completely, and can actually run and do martial arts perfectly well (though I haven't had the guts to do the spiraling jump kick that I had taught myself).. Anyway, I always wanted independence.. I still do. I'm not living with my parents anymore, but I definitely haven't felt freedom yet. Of course, toward the end of my days in my family's house, I did see a sharp decrease in freedom, and a heavy increase in control from the parents. They made their conversion to Messianic Judaism, and suddenly the house was being ruled in a way that seriously bordered on cultism. For example, I, at the age of 19, could not go to my best friend (and future brother in law)'s house one Friday, because "Friday is Shabbat, and Shabbat is when you're supposed to spend time with your family!". Naturally, after the instant "what the freak?" reaction, I countered her by asserting my age, and the fact that he's future family, but as it turned out, she just wanted my friend and I to be at the house that Friday so my parents could give their best attempt at indoctrinating us.
Needless to say, that didn't work.. My parents are good people, they just have their major issues. (of course, we all have our issues, but some of us are working on ours.)


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## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

My parents let me go to the most debauched music festival in the country unsupervised at age 14 with a bunch of 16-18 yo's so nahh they didn't control me much. From when i was 15 and on i didn't spend more than half my nights at home even.


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## outofplace (Dec 19, 2012)

Yes, I had controlling parents. My mother was the worse. I left home at 23, my sister left at 29 and my brother (who is now 44) recently moved out on his own at 42. I grew up in a toxic/dysfunctional family which probably shaped my personality type(s). I have trust issues, failed relationships, I've build a wall around myself, I suffer with bouts of depression and I have a cynical outlook on life. So, in a nutshell, I'm pretty fucked up.


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## .17485 (Jan 12, 2011)

Hi I saw this thread a while back and it seemed interesting. I'm going post whether my parents were controlling. I don't think they were too much but I think it was in terms of social things. I remember being eight years old playing toys cars upstairs and I heard my mum and dad speaking to some kids my age. They were kids who I know. After school I went to a homework club and mixed with other kids. They were asking my parents if I can come out and play? My parents said no that I'm fast asleep. Lol I wasn't I just playing with the toy cars. My mum has always been somewhat worrying over things. As a kid I would play in the garden with the next door neighbour and she would sometimes be sitting there. The other kid parent never did the same. Other family members used to thing my mum worried about me too much. 

Hmm another aspect was when I didn't do well in school. I would do some tests and when I got a poor mark, I would feel it was the end of the world. I didn't like when my parents would compare me to other kids who did well. Sometimes I scared of making mistakes or doing poorly. 

My mum was still always worrying when I was a teenager. I remember going to a family event and she was saying like I shouldn't interact with the other people or in a way not to have fun. My older family members are a lot older than me. I have a few who are around my age. One particular event I didn't understand was when one of my cousin invited me to a bbq. She phoned me for the invite and I agreed. When I told my mum she was like I'm not going that my cousin's mum should have phoned to inform her. I think it is something about That caused some problem for a while when my mum and my cousin's mum were not talking. My cousin's mum wasn't happy that my mum didn't allow me to come to the bbq. 

I remember watching dragonball z and sometimes my dad calling cell the devil lol. I come from a christian background. Maybe it was cell's horns lol. What I didn't like is how parents say that children should respect them but to the child they treat anyhow. When I would have the TV on a particular program, sometimes when I come back my dad would have changed it. Sometimes he didn't like me playing on the computer, playing video games. Always wanted me to do school work. When I was a teenager I didn't bring any of my age groups from school over. At the time I felt insecure because some people in my street used to make fun of me and it brought my confidence down. My teens was mainly playing computer games, staying at home, going to family members places and going to school or going to saturday school. 

It wasn't still I was 18 I went out with some friends to the cinema, bowling. Before that I never did anything like that. When I went to university it was a bit different. But I sometimes had to text my mum where I'm going and text when I'm coming back. I wasn't even leaving in the same city when I was in university. I felt that I did become independent but it felt sometimes I was still allowing my parents to make decisions for me. Sometimes it makes me feel like my opinion isn't good enough. I think it has had an effect in that I don't speak with a direct or confident voice. I mumble and it is hard for people to understand me. I come across sometimes to my peers as a pushover. Sometimes I don't relate to them. I don't think I had controlling parents but maybe strict when it came to social things. My mum wants me to stay at home until I meet a woman and get married. I don't know how I would meet a woman when my social circle is really low. When I was 15 a girl I spoke to online phoned my mobile and she assumed she is my girlfriend. She was just a girl I speak to. I know with controlling parents they were aspects in their young lives that probably bother them. Like childhood aspect. My mum lost her dad in her teens and I'm not sure my dad knew his dad.


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## LittleOrange (Feb 11, 2012)

Yes, my mother is controlling. She´s not only controlling me but also my father. It´s like she has a vision of what me and my dad should be like and does everything so that we go in that direction. She forced me to study something I don´t want to and is now trying to get me to work in a job that I don´t want to, but I´m not gonna let it happen. Altough, I do feel kind of guilty because of it. The worse thing is that I still feel like I need her permission, blessing, support? Idk...it just sucks. I just wish I had someone else for support, so I can break free from her...


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## stormy (Jul 7, 2011)

Yes. 

My mom is the really controlling one, and she expects me to be some pure angel of light who does everything right all the time. 

Growing up, if I had a different opinion against my mother, I was reprimanded. I was pretty much forced to always do and be better than everyone else. I couldn't be human, I had to be different than the rest. By the time I was in high school, I was blamed for not doing well psychologically or academically. If my friends were being rude to me and I was rude back, somehow I was the problem. My mother quickly shut me down from making any decision she didn't agree with, even if it would've made me happy. 

Before I knew it, I became a perfectionistic bookworm (nothing wrong w/ being one ... but that just wasn't really me) just to cope with the fact that I was afraid to make my own decisions, had pretty much no confidence, repressed my impulses for years, and had it beat into me that what I want doesn't really matter anyway. Socially, I was passive, apologetic, afraid to get close to people because I didn't want them to know all that my mom said was "wrong" with me. To this day, she brings up bad childhood memories. 

My life has sucked for the past 10+ years, I'm in my early 20s now. I live at home right now, am a hard-working student and an intern and I'm so effing ready to leave this lifestyle. I worked hard to please my parents and everyone else, and I'm sick of working hard for everybody else. She keeps trying to plan my future and she will be unsuccessful with that. I'm finished with her defining me.


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## videlicet (Mar 6, 2013)

My parents were exactly the opposite and at home it was a filthy chaos, because my mom was extremely lazy with tasks, chores and planning. I know this sounds mean, but she was really really lazy... I have never encountered a person with such pathological laziness. Often, my mom seemed as if she lacked dopamine. She was also not very easy to communicate with--she couldn't tolerate criticism, she was very introverted when it came to actual conversations. My dad on the other hand, was neurotically choleric. He had a busy job, however, which he took great care of. But his nature isn't easy, either. He had regular tantrums and was highly irritable / fasten to anger; couldn't deal with setbacks (where most other people would've stayed much more chilled). So he often had a frustrated, restless expression and a very low tolerance for stress and noise / rumour. He is also a passionate man with many interests and qualities and calm at certain times. He also felt very responsible for the family, and afterwards I can see that he was just faced to complex emotional states (neuroticism without the fear and depression). My mother had no understanding of that mechanism. Now they aren't a couple anymore. There was always a rather. ...)


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## videlicet (Mar 6, 2013)

My parents were exactly the opposite and at home it was a filthy chaos, because my mom was extremely lazy with tasks, chores and planning. I know this sounds mean, but she was really really lazy... I have never encountered a person with such pathological laziness. Often, my mom seemed as if she lacked dopamine. She was also not very easy to communicate with--she couldn't tolerate criticism, she was very introverted when it came to actual conversations. My dad on the other hand, was neurotically choleric. He had a busy job, however, which he took great care of. But his nature isn't easy, either. He had regular tantrums and was highly irritable / fasten to anger; couldn't deal with setbacks (where most other people would've stayed much more chilled). So he often had a frustrated, restless expression and a very low tolerance for stress and noise / rumour. He is also a passionate man with many interests and qualities and calm at certain times. He also felt very responsible for the family, and afterwards I can see that he was just faced to complex emotional states (neuroticism without the fear and depression). My mother had no understanding of that mechanism. (Now they aren't a couple anymore.)
There was always a rather tense atmosphere and I was a tough child for my parents (special psycho / emo needs). We all had a stressful time I believe... My younger sister was the 'easiest' one of us.

Our large house was very sloppy and disorganised. I felt ashamed towards friends, as a younger child. My dad was way too busy with his job and got paid very well. It was obvious that he had no time and energy to do a lot of housekeeping. My mom was too slack and merely got active for the strictly necessary tasks. Then still there was always molding food, the kitchen desk was greasy and the floor looked awful. The bathroom's mirror was under a layer of dried toothpaste. At some point, there was even a spider web and mice poo in a kitchen drawer with e.g. a baking tray. (I was about seven.)
Our home also in technical condition was simply neglected. I can't blame my dad for anything. Of course--I + sister could have done more, too, but as a young child I was too stubborn and ignorant, avoided executive functioning as most others would have done with no mandating parent.

There were a lot of other unaccomplished tasks as well, e.g. paying off debts; completely chaotic, postponed, random... If something required planning like a birthday party or holidays abroad, my parents acted as if it took them extremely much effort, were too late for appointments... My dad got very unmotivated by my mom's behaviour. He tried to have serious convos but she denied that she was too passive, got angry and said that my dad was always an irritated man. It was always like that. My mom is a very dreamy and introverted woman, also wanted to sleep separated from my dad. Very autonomous. But she can't bear negativity whether it is true or unreal. I think she is a typical person with ADD.

My parents haven't done a lot for tutoring, they were liberal and expressed as being undecided about most things and their values. There were no 'house rules'. E.g. my sister and I weren't asked to wash the dishes. They tried to make tidiness a bit better, but weren't consistent. Underlying complexities were e.g. that I was hard to approach with my emotional disorders. My parents had different views on parenting and that turned out only after the first (me) was born. They also didn't speak about that, as my mom was so inexpressive. My dad actually wanted to communicate a lot more. He had some critical notes, e.g. he found my mom's attitude too laidback and indulgent towards my sis and me. He was right, I frankly admit... But she always 'knew it better' and avoided my dad's mind. Then he got tantrums and it was kind of like in a self-fulfilling prophecy... Because my dad is also not easy to deal with! Sometimes, I don't understand how they could even have fallen in love--so different they are. Sadly, they can't offer each other what both of them needs in return. I have never seen them being romantic, it was just as if they were brother and sister, when they had a good time together, like they were never holding hands. But they did enjoy dining out together or drinking coffee at a place.
Mom can't discuss really profoundly (not dumb, but extremely foggy and can't enjoy deep subjects), she is unable to tolerate negativity, while my dad needs a lot of support for this! He is prone to frustration and difficult moods. So talking helps for him. He is also more adventurous and lively.
I think my mom would suit a more phlegmatic man, much softer than my dad is.

My parents were loving, involved and mom tended to worry too much about sis and me; they are just chaotic.
I disrespect my mom for having sucked up so much of my dad's money. We have wasted A LOT of money, so much food was thrown away, useless gadgets and redundant furniture; it's really a shame. She had a much bigger influence on the house, purchases and kids as a mother always at home. However, not a responsible and sustainable lifestyle. Understandable that my father got so annoyed as all of this was done with his own money! Mom had no economical insight and granted herself the right to buy plenty of furni and stuff. Which is factually idle and spoilt, socially unaccepted behaviour. She hated comments on her lifestyle; especially for my dad a guaranty for a fuss. But after all she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him. She was not a passionate partner, I realise that too. My mom is not a cold person, don't get it wrong, but she is more affected to animals, also my sister and me, and her own inner world (really ignorant, but not out of bad intention). She is too absent to be really sharp about the outside world and sometimes acts just as a twelve-year-old, although very mild and kind in contact.
As a young HSP it was exactly structure that I needed so much, and life at home was the opposite...


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## Destiny Lund (Sep 2, 2011)

EXTREMELY controlling. My entire childhood they hardly ever even let me out of my bedroom.... if I wasn't so precocious, it would have been an extreme shock being tossed into the real world. My friends in school had always been surprised by the littlest things I have never done or experienced. So, it's safe to say I never really had a childhood.


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## Destiny Lund (Sep 2, 2011)

It was always like they got a hard-on each time they would boldly control me with even the most tedious things. I wasn't allowed to even think about questioning anything because the answer would always be, "BECAUSE WE"RE YOUR DAMN PARENTS & WE FUCKING SAY SO THAT'S WHY!" -_-


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## INFJRoanna (Dec 20, 2012)

Not at all - as a result I think I made a great deal of mistakes growing up, but useful ones. I am thankful for this, because I feel that now I have taught myself exactly how not to live my life in time for being an adult. The only way you learn how to live is by making small mistakes that teach you something.


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

My parents--particularly my mother--told us what we should do, but encouraged us to find a better way of doing it.


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## CaptainMauzer (Dec 5, 2010)

My mother is quite controlling...but acknowledges it. However it's usually with stupid things like hearing me making a grilled cheese or something before work and she comes instantly strolling into the kitchen to supervise me (I'm a 21 year old guy...I can make a fuggin sammich...considering I work with industrial ovens 20+ hours a week anyways...).

My father however is a different story. He is indirectly very controlling over me and my sister. He apparently doesn't want to actually be a father, I'm not sure but he's never really been involved, especially in my life (both parents seem more involved with my younger sister...which is fine i guess, I like being left alone anyway). Anyways, my dad would yell at my mother whenever me or my sister did anything he didn't like and then it was up to my mother to control us. So as a child I always thought of my mother as a child but it wasn't until I was like 16 that she told me the truth about everything. That said, I'm still horribly scared of both my parents as I feel they judge me for not meeting their expectations on manly levels.

LUCKILY I've been working my *ss off and got myself accepted into a university I've dreamed of since high school, so I'm going there in the fall and I will finally be able to branch out and figure myself out without the fear of my parents looming above me.

TL;DR: I don't know if "controlling" is the right word, but they definitely make me feel guilty for showing interest in nearly anything that doesn't fit their ideal....which unfortunately is a lot of things that I can't change about myself.


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## BlackisPerfection (Dec 5, 2012)

My parents are extremely controlling!! This obviously made me rebellious as a child because I simply did not know how to conform to rules. I'm in my 20's now and my parents still feel the need to control me, it's pretty ridiculous. But I do think when I have children I may just be controlling, probably not to their extent but I think I have it in me as well, hah! I don't know if that's an ENTJ thing but I'm pretty "overprotective" with my loved ones, so I can't imagine how I'd be with my own child.


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## astriom (Mar 22, 2013)

To an extent, yes my parents were controlling. I'm an adult and have been living on my own for a long while and I'm still getting some of it today. Guilt trips for not going to church anymore, critical comments for not being married yet, I've even been told what I want to do with my life.

I'm going back to school after 13 years in the military, majoring in psychology and I can't remember a time when I've been happier. Before I started school again, My dad and sister told that I wouldn't be any good at it and I wouldn't enjoy it. I don't think I've ever enjoyed anything else I've ever done as much as this and while I may not be at the top of the class, I am pretty darn close.

I had to decide to be myself and just ignore everyone else. If they don't like it, well they aren't the ones who have to live with it.


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## Wormwood (Feb 24, 2012)

Yeah, my mom has borderline personality disorder, so you could say she was. Psychological abuse. I didn't even start living with my dad until I was about 9 or so, and he's alright, but his father was a package deal (since my father's never held a job) and that guy's close enough to being a narcissist for it to be uncomfortable.

My sister and I got passed around by them for a while, and long story short, my sister's on her way to being a drug addict, and at present, I'm not a functioning member of society.

Whadayagonnado?


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## Ruru (Mar 9, 2013)

My father is completely different. He let me explore things but has not forgotten to say his word of wisdom. He is the type that would say "Curiosity isn't bad but don't cross my borderline. That would go if you're older enough." And since my father is like this. It is pretty easy to me to open-up even if it is impossible for an INTJ. I could say that he is the only person that I could truly trust.


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