# INTP female ENTJ male Relationship?



## aprilmac14 (Nov 28, 2014)

This is going to be long expiation of what's been going on... So we aren't in a relationship but we kind of have a "thing" I guess? We are both 19 years old. 

we first started talking at the end of May i knew who he was but he didn't remember who I was , we were at a bar when we were introduced. He was with his friends who I have talked to multiple times before. One guy is an Entp so we get a long really well the other one whom I think is ESFJ? Not quite sure. 
The ENTJ He asked for my number, ever since then we've been talking. 
June was good we talked every day but just small talk mixed with some flirting I guess?We hungout twice that month, once at his house once at mine. it went really well wasn't awkward at all. 

I went away on vacation at then end of June.And he wanted to hangout when I got back if I wanted to, but nothing happened. 
Now He's been saying " if you want to hangout let me know" and we've been trying to make plans but nothing happens? then he gets mad at me that we're not hanging out, and when we see each other at the bar we don't talk that much lately cause he won't come up to me and I had no problem just going and saying hi but now I guess I'm being shy? You could say.He always texts me night even when we don't talk to each other after the bar but then it usually turns into an argument.

The passed few weeks he's been distance but still has been texting me, he claims he's in a bad mood ? And he always says sorry and he said he doesn't say that much , he always says if I want to hang let him know , I try inviting him over but it doesn't work out. Which is making us both very frustrated towards each other.
Now the whole month of July he still wants to hangout we try to establish a plan but he doesn't follow up. We still text almost every day , he can only go two days with out texting me I've noticed. 

Now this past weekend on Friday night I went to the bar with my friends and my one ENFJ friend who's friends with the ENTJ who knows what's going on helped me get near him on the dance floor and then his one friend started grinding with me infront of him and I knew that would make him jealous so I kept dancing with the guy. 
The night went on dancing with different people and then the ENTJ and his Entp friend were on the stage and I saw them jump down and the ENTJ came and kissed me which wasn't expected and said "finally "I replied "took you long enough".
Then we danced the last two songs. And then we all went off to this after party thing we hugged and he said " you're coming over tomorrow to watch a gay ass movie but you have to pick it " and then after I felt awkward being there go so the ENFJ drove me home. Then the ENTJ texted me asking where I went and I said home and he said wtf then I said I don't know what's going on I thought you didn't want me there.. He replied what the hell. 

Then he called me and I asked why he called me and he said " I wanted to know if you got home safe fuck off " and he said I make him angry and I didn't want to argue so I told him to come meet me by my street so he did. 
I started off by saying you are so frustrating and he said not as much as you. 
Blah blah blah then he kissed me on the cheek which he's never done before and he said something about going him going and I said I could go with him but he replied no we're on you're street you're going home you'll thank me tomorrow and then we talked about hanging out the next day then we kissed and he told me to text him and i wanted him to text me first so I told him that then we went are separate ways. Then we texted a bit and he ended the convo with have a good sleep night.

Then I waited till a bit in the afternoon to text him to see when we were hanging out and then nothing but he saw my message then I texted him before I went to bed and he read it the next day and nothing... And he knew I was going on vacation this week on Monday and we haven't talked since. 
I'm just soo confused.. Does he actually like me or is he just being a fuck boy? Any suggestions? my friends say he's not worth it and I'm not going to text him first because I don't want to bother him. Help?


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## ientipi (Oct 17, 2013)

both of you seem a little immature and its hot and cold actions on both ends. he isn't putting effort into it and the last paragraph makes me think he more so wanted to know he could have you but the challenge is over and therefore so is his interest. 
i suggest you become casual friends with him without hoping or trying for more. at that point if anything romantic is meant to happen btw y'all, it will


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## vesper007 (Aug 11, 2015)

Also, you're 19. I take it that these people are all in their late teens to early 20s and that this is a "he kissed me and texted me these things, what does he mean by them" type of situation and not a relationship where two people are both in a mutually acknowledged romantic 'thing' together. 

My experience with ENTJs is that they can be blunt, take-charge, and not the most emotionally expressive. They're very good at picking up on the emotions of others on a "gut instinct" level, but not very good at expressing their own emotions. And they're DEFINITELY not good at telling another person what she wants to hear to give them some kind of emotional validation. ENTJs also prize directness. It's not that INTPs aren't direct, but INTPs (and ENTPs, for that matter) are direct like an acupuncture needle - we pick our words to make sure we're conveying exactly what we want to convey, and sometimes that subtlety is lost on a type like an ENTJ. 

Typology aside, I agree with your friends. When an ENTJ is interested, you'll know. He may not barrage you with texts or lovey-dovey words, but he'll be an undoubtable presence. He'll show up and will carve time out of his busy life (mind you, this type can be very workaholic) to see you.


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## Easy (Jun 13, 2014)

Sounds like both of you are being hot-and-cold. 

I think a lot of ENTJ do that. They don't see having a relationship as a crucial aspect of life. Even if they really like you, they might hold back from expressing it because a romantic relationship is not completely necessary and expressing vulnerability/tenderness isn't natural.

From the INTP end, I realize you guys are sometimes shy and you guy don't usually see relationship as something to pursue with a passion either. Many ENTJ can feel/sense that and it might make them decide that it's not worth all that effort from their end.

In general, and making a huge generalization here, it might end:
-ENTJ decides that a romantic relationship as opposed to a platonic relationship with you is worth the risk. He makes a move.
-You put more effort in and make a move.
-Eventually, the attraction fazes and all's left is a friendship. Which both the ENTJ and INTP are likely very okay with.


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## aprilmac14 (Nov 28, 2014)

Easy said:


> Sounds like both of you are being hot-and-cold.
> 
> I think a lot of ENTJ do that. They don't see having a relationship as a crucial aspect of life. Even if they really like you, they might hold back from expressing it because a romantic relationship is not completely necessary and expressing vulnerability/tenderness isn't natural.
> 
> ...


Oh boy the infatuation is strong in the post lol. The ENTJ and I are still talking but more as " friends " since we haven't kissed since the summer and I think it's easier this way, seems to be less Arguing.
Back at the end is September I stopped texting him first as much so then in October he called me every weekend drunk of course ; he's quiet entertaining I might add, he does have a enneagram 4 which i do not and he can be really really moody. He thought I hated him for some reason which he did not clarify but he did say he enjoyed talking to me and I asked why his answers are very vague he just replied cause it's Enjoyably, which I do not know why. So for now I guess we will see what happens I am not looking for a relationship with him I thought I was only because he kept bringing it up but not for the pass little while.


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