# Desperate Need for Help



## Ben8 (Jul 5, 2013)

I am an engineering student and I am taking classes that make me suicidal because I am not getting perfect grades. Also, the amount of work required and the manner in which they grade assignments makes me stressed and upset to tears. I cut myself over it for relief. 

People tell me to, "chill out" and everyone assumes I was valedictorian because I am so concerned about school. How do I become detached about, not only school, but life in general? 

I still want to be a genius and I need to work hard, but I feel if I can't give 100% effort, why bother doing it.

How do I stress less and become detached even though I want to succeed?


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## Coronagirl (Oct 30, 2014)

@Ben8 so, are you saying you want to care about it less, but not stop caring altogether?


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## Schweeeeks (Feb 12, 2013)

Do you have a general idea of what career you want? You can shadow others or set up an informational interview:

A) Shadowing others may show you what you _need_ for the real world vs the hoops college makes you jump through. When you see that only a fraction of what you learn applies, you'll relax about getting straight As.

B) More of a direct approach. In an informational interview, you set up an appointment with someone who is in the position you want to be in someday and then ask them questions about how they got there. 
You can inquire about grades and how it factored into their professional experience. They rarely do, but at least you'll hear it from a credible source. Engineering is tough. They have probably gone through something similar.
And if perfect grades really do matter, well...you can contact a career coach/adviser and ask about different paths that will also get you where you want to be.

Good luck!

Edit:


Ben8 said:


> I still want to be a genius and I need to work hard, but I feel if I can't give 100% effort, why bother doing it.


Being a genius isn't always necessary or even helpful in the real world. A valuable employee can have a whole host of various skills.
Honestly I think employers care more about cooperation and work ethic right now. If you are willing to work with others, you will do far greater/profound work than an ornery genius who can't communicate or manifest any of his ideas.


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## DasPhillipBrau (Apr 2, 2010)

You need psychiatric help. Seek counceling, therapies and a psychiatrist. All I can say is that you should abandon that "Everything always has to be perfect or its shit" mindset, it's not gonna help later in life. An engineer has to be able to deal with failure.

I know it might look like a terrible advice, but it's the only one really, I cant make a magic excuse: Sometimes people fail assignments, it happens to *everyone*.


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## DasPhillipBrau (Apr 2, 2010)

Let me add something I didnt said earlier: You should really be grateful that you're allowed to study engineering and that you qualified for it. Engineering is one of the most expensive and hardest career choices out there. Please stop for a while and think about what you're doing, you're cutting yourself and you want to kill yourself because you're not scoring perfect grades. I know a lot of folks who would love to be able to study at college or who would love to get a job. Just one week ago, a man in my town killed himself because he had been unemployed for months and he barely had any money.

I'm saying that there are a lot of people who are in a worst spot than you, I wouldn't even call your spot bad (Unless you have some life story aside that which is driving you to do those things).


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

First of all, you need counseling. You should not be suicidal about not getting perfect grades. You need to find out what factors are causing your need to be "perfect." Then work on dealing with those factors.

Take a year off and work at an internship in your field. You can get away from school and get some valuable work experience, and hopefully become more confident in your abilities.

Also, here's some advice from someone who was once this person (aka me). Perfectionism, especially in school, is a waste of time. The skills that you need to succeed in school really don't have much to do with the real world. The valedictorian and straight-A student is just the person who can most efficiently suck the dick of the scholastic-industrial complex, which is designed to socially condition students to do as they're told to prevent them from wreaking havoc before their brains have emotionally matured.

Guess what, I graduated with a STEM degree from an Ivy League school, a good GPA, good internship experience, all that shit...and it didn't do much for me. I have a dead-end repetitive job and I know someone who's a doorman who makes more per hour than I do. Not saying this will be your situation, I'm just saying that the "good grades from a good school lead to a good job" stuff you've been told is a bunch of bullshit designed to control you. Getting perfect grades doesn't mean much in the "real world"...most employers don't even ask for your GPA and almost none ask for your transcript.

The best way to succeed is through establishing social connections...the friend who can get you an interview at his friend's company...the employer you interned for who will recommend you to his friend at another company. And if you work for a corporation, probably the quality of your work, as long as it's decent, won't even matter that much. It's more about how well you can convince people you're good at things. My fiance told me of a woman who was hired as a junior software developer at his company (he works for a Fortune 500 company), not because she had great coding skills (they were mediocre at best and she only had a few months coding experience), but because she was "able to explain her ideas well, even if her ideas were wrong."

Just a bit of advice that colleges won't tell you....I don't know if you will find that comforting or enlightening or whatever, but just know that your "perfect grades" are probably something nobody will care about but you (and your parents), ultimately.


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## Tangled Kite (Apr 16, 2014)

I know other people on here have already said these things but I'll emphasize them again anyway. The majority of employers don't care about grades, just graduate so you can put it on your resume. I used to think that getting good grades was important as well, oh how wrong I was. I spent all my time concentrating on getting the best grades possible cramming every night until my eyes were bloodshot and getting hardly any sleep. The thing is that I was concentrating so much on grades and tests that it was actually detrimental to my learning. Most things were going into my short term memory rather than long term memory and by the time I graduated I had a good GPA, but when it came time to apply for jobs I found that I actually wasn't as prepared as I thought I was. 

What matters to employers is experience, communication skills, practical skills, and how much they like you in general as in how well you fit into their culture. What trumps all of this is if you know anyone who works at the company who can put in a good word. Concentrate more on networking with people in your field. That will get you a lot farther than getting good grades. Speaking from experience, being depressed doesn't do anything for creating new relationships that you'll need more than grades. Seriously, it's not worth your life.


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## BigMac123 (Jul 6, 2014)

Realize that life is built upon an endless amount of factors and elements that contribute towards your happiness and success. There are more important things in life than academic acknowledgement and so you should strive towards achieving other personal goals.

Both the mind and body are one, so to truly be a genius both need to be healthy. As you are probably already aware of depleting your mind through stress and damaging your physical state will only become a hindrance to your potential. Perhaps try yoga or going to the gym or some other type of hobby ? beee happy my friendd


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Ben8 said:


> I am an engineering student and I am taking classes that make me suicidal because I am not getting perfect grades. Also, the amount of work required and the manner in which they grade assignments makes me stressed and upset to tears. I cut myself over it for relief.
> 
> People tell me to, "chill out" and everyone assumes I was valedictorian because I am so concerned about school. How do I become detached about, not only school, but life in general?
> 
> ...


Perfect grades aren't going to get you a job when you finish your degree. Learning something is. Grades equal how compliant you are, not how smart you are.

You are either a genius, or you aren't. Geniuses don't normally have to work hard, it comes easy to them. 

Get a hobby. Meet a girl. Get laid.


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## Ben8 (Jul 5, 2013)

@tanstaalf28

Do you think geniuses can be made or born? I believe born is the only way.


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## 1000BugsNightSky (May 8, 2014)

Do things for yourself, not to show off your one hundred percent. Do what makes you satisfied, not what makes others happy. Your Knowledge and understanding affects _you _first. You are in charge of what you want to accomplish. Success is not so black and white.


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## Wulfex (Oct 9, 2014)

Depends on your definition of genius. As a great man once said "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." That's a quote from Einstein.

I went through about the same situation. I failed the class (not to scare you or anything). However, I learned SO much more about myself during that time. I was very depressed. I wasn't sure what the point of living in this world really was. On a daily basis, I thought about killing myself, hitting the reset button. Had I done that, I would have never seen who I really am or what I could become. 

As an engineer, I'm sure you're very aware that there is no perfect system to anything out there. Sure, you can define the perfect system, but to create it is impossible. You are bound to fail in your life. Period. Just remember your peers will also fail in their life as well. Maybe, you're just doing it before them. It's okay to get stressed out, it's okay to fail. Remember that. 










Those two videos helped me to get through that phase of my life. Don't give up. One day, you'll be at a position where you are proud of yourself for sticking through it and keeping your head down. When you look back, you'll see that the obstacle you feared so much is so very tiny at the top of the mountain than when you were up close with it. Keep with it, if that's what you want to do. Don't ever give up on what you want to do! roud:

Hope that helps friend!


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## DasPhillipBrau (Apr 2, 2010)

Ben8 said:


> @tanstaalf28
> 
> Do you think geniuses can be made or born? I believe born is the only way.


Geniuses are born. A person with a surprising amount of grey matter and with different brain synapses. That wont change with study.

However every person has the chance to be bright, by studying. But theres a limit for everyone. Some people will go higher than others. The point is: As long as you're not mentally retarded, you can get your "Intellect" to above-average levels.


Btw sorry but Einstein never said the "dont judge a fish by its climbing abilities" thing, its a random quote attributed to him, like 99% of the einstein quotes you'll find in textbooks and internet.


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## EbonyTigger (Apr 13, 2012)

As has already been said, you need professional help *hugs*


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

Ben8 said:


> Do you think geniuses can be made or born? I believe born is the only way.


Seems like this is at the root of your issue. I suspect you have probably been told much of your life that you are a genius. Now you're finding that you are failing at some things, and that is making you question those ablilities you believe you were born with. I went through this type of thing myself, doubting my own abilities just because things weren't easy anymore once I got past a certain level. The real story is that yes you may be genetically inclined to get things a little quicker than others, but every human fails at various things over time, and that's OK. My guess is genius or not you didn't learn to walk without first falling down a bit either. It's the way we learn, you push yourself to the point of failure, learn a little, then push a little farther to failure again. Over time you get better and better through this method just like athletes develop muscle structure over time.

You should read this book, it deals with this specific issue and how the brain actually physically develops over time. The Talent Code About The Books « The Talent Code


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## Wulfex (Oct 9, 2014)

DasPhillipBrau said:


> Geniuses are born. A person with a surprising amount of grey matter and with different brain synapses. That wont change with study.
> 
> However every person has the chance to be bright, by studying. But theres a limit for everyone. Some people will go higher than others. The point is: As long as you're not mentally retarded, you can get your "Intellect" to above-average levels.
> 
> ...


I guess you're right about that. Some people have a better natural born ability than others, but I don't think that could stop anyone from being a "genius". Just means you would have to work harder! 

Damn! That's one of my favorite quotes, and it's always attributed to him. Guess I just hoped he would say something like that. However, does feel a bit odd coming from him.


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