# Lack of motivation -- what is wrong with me?



## emesee (Dec 28, 2021)

I'm struggling to find ways to motivate myself. I remember when transitioning into adulthood I felt like I was losing my freedom. I had to accept that this is simply life and that a big part of that would be working a 9-5 job. I reluctantly took on my first non-skilled job until I realised that if I'm going to be working most of my life, then I'd rather be doing something that is valued and will compensate me enough to live comfortably. I also figured I could eventually just work for myself, as I don't find working for an employer particularly appealing. I left my job, studied, got a degree, and landed a decent job. In a relatively short space of time I progressed to a point where I was earning more than enough to support my lifestyle. I then decided that I didn't want to be in a job that required commuting, set hours, or someone telling me what to do. So I set up my employment arrangement in such a way where I don't have any of those things. I can take on the work I want, when I want. I'm also in a position now where I probably don't have to work at all if I choose not to. I basically I have the freedom, safety and security that I was working towards. I think I've pretty much met all of my needs in this regard. 

But what now? I have no reason to do anything. I'm not social, I'm not in a relationship, I'm not religious anymore, I'm not particularly interested in acquiring material things and I have no real hobbies. I don't think I would be able to trick myself into seeking something, because ultimately I know that whatever that thing is, once I acquire it I'm going to be in more or less the same predicament I'm in now. 

I realise I'm very fortunate (lucky) to be in the position I find myself in. It would be great if I could somehow use my time and resources to do some good for others. That would make sense, even if it means having to make sacrifices. But that's not what I'm doing. And whilst rationally that sounds like the right thing to do, it doesn't particularly excite or motivate me. Instead I'm just wasting all of my free time. Literally just wasting my life away. 

I realise how this post may come across to some, and I'm open to criticism (most of which I've probably already made against myself). Ultimately I just want to find a way to move forward and to be doing something that aligns with my values, but nothing seems to excite me enough to motivate me. I've tried just pushing through it and accepting that this is just how it has to be, and if people in this world have to suffer then why should I be any different... but that doesn't seem very empowering or motivating. For someone who already doesn't experience a great deal of positive emotion, "accepting my lot in life" doesn't sound very appealing. 

I'd like to be happy, and spending the time I have on this earth doing something that is meaningful. If I could help reduce the suffering in this world, even if it's just helping a small number of people then that sounds far more meaningful than most (if not all) things you can spend your time on. But these are just words, there's not much action or emotion behind them. So in a way my words are just meaningless BS; a story I've made up. 

Any ideas what my problem is? Because at this point I don't think I can see beyond my own BS stories. It's quite pathetic really. I guess I never really did transition into an adult.

Thanks


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Maybe you haven't found a way of helping others that appeals to you. For example, maybe you're not very sociable. Not all acts of helping involve human contact. Or you could help someone one-on-one.

Or maybe helping is not really where it's at for you. At this point you might be better off enjoying nature, or creating something, or learning new things.

I know this is a dilemma. In my case, I was never able to find the right "career," partly because I didn't have the role models or the information. But nowadays we have the Internet. If you really feel you should contribute to the world in some way, I'm sure the information you need is out there.

Best wishes.


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## UpClosePersonal (Apr 18, 2014)

You're not motivated to make the world a better place. You've been motivated to make your own little world a better place.

Now there are no more challenges in that area of your life. So there's no more motivation.

If you know yourself better, it might help to find your way out of your current comfort zone and into a new area you could explore.

Knowing your MBTI is a start to better understanding what you prefer.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

You don’t sound bad to me at all.

You sound realistic. You negotiated an opportunity that now grants more free time. And with that now available time, you’re assessing how you can use some of that to add substance to your life or the world. But are candid about the part of motivation (not being forced).

I think you should consider something incredibly minimal and small first to get your foot in the door (see if you like it). But just volunteer for something small. 

I can’t speak for you. But I’ll just say for myself I operate best with excessive todo, and then crashing. I basically crash and conserve and rebuild energy. Then when I have more again I go go. I just operate best this way. So my Luls where I crash and veg out in my case, I don’t feel bad and beat myself up. Because I look at it, as a way to rebuild and conserve the energy. That I need to accomplish more. I’m not telling you to create the same work habits as me.

I’m saying that you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself. I consider that counter productive when I usually observe it. Give yourself grace. Don’t overthink it. It will make you less effective in what you can deliver and give back to the world. You’ll spend more time thinking about doing things rather than actually doing things.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

emesee said:


> Any ideas what my problem is? Because at this point I don't think I can see beyond my own BS stories. It's quite pathetic really. I guess I never really did transition into an adult.


Yes, this:



> I'd like to be happy, and spending the time I have on this earth doing something that is meaningful. If I could help reduce the suffering in this world, even if it's just helping a small number of people then that sounds far more meaningful than most (if not all) things you can spend your time on. But these are just words, there's not much action or emotion behind them. So in a way my words are just meaningless BS; a story I've made up.


Also, why would you expect anyone to help you if you believe what you're saying is BS? Why *should* anyone help you if you think talking about anything is wasting time and bullshitting? That's a rhetorical question because your views are so self-defeating that I'm not sure you're really asking for advice but are simply ranting. Either that or you want someone to tell you what to do, which would also be unhelpful if you don't like being told what to do. So it sounds like you're in a pickle if you can't prioritize what you care about more. 😄

Anyway, you sound like the type of person who needs a purpose. I've been there too, I've lived my entire life with a purpose and when I fulfilled that purpose I found a new one. Eventually, you just run out of things to care about because most causes and people aren't worth caring about and if you don't have anyone or anything you do care about well then you really have nothing that you value and is why you lack motivation.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but well, that's the way I see it. I take solace in my family and everything else is more or less transient to me with no real sense of permanence because that is just what the disappointment that are most people has taught me. Also, having a lot of money is great and all, but what good is it if you don't have someone (meaning family) to spend it with. That's pretty much how I'm seeing your situation.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

emesee said:


> I realise I'm very fortunate (lucky) to be in the position I find myself in. It would be great if I could somehow use my time and resources to do some good for others. That would make sense, even if it means having to make sacrifices. But that's not what I'm doing. And whilst rationally that sounds like the right thing to do, it doesn't particularly excite or motivate me. Instead I'm just wasting all of my free time. Literally just wasting my life away.


Oh, doing good for others? Total waste of time about 3/4th of the time. Also you make it sound like "not doing something" is the worst thing. I'd say if you're not being an evil POS then you have one over on someone who is. 😛 And trust me, there are total POS' out there who would gladly take from you what you value, even if they don't want or need it, but just because they're a POS and covet it from you or even worse are too dimwitted to realize it won't make them happier but will make your life worse. And no, I'm not misanthropic but experiences that teach one so can't be denied as factual proof. 🤦‍♂️


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## superloco3000 (Dec 15, 2017)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Oh, doing good for others? Total waste of time about 3/4th of the time. Also you make it sound like "not doing something" is the worst thing. I'd say if you're not being an evil POS then you have one over on someone who is. 😛 And trust me, there are total POS' out there who would gladly take from you what you value, even if they don't want or need it, but just because they're a POS and covet it from you or even worse are too dimwitted to realize it won't make them happier but will make your life worse. And no, I'm not misanthropic but experiences that teach one so can't be denied as factual proof. 🤦‍♂️


Man , you are an Entj you are 100% right , from that perspective ... Others people are alot more emotionally weaker than you but i understand that the solution is that internal growth , hard to say ... nowdays people are fragiles crystals , i was the same until really hit , but that driving force isn't joke.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

superloco3000 said:


> Man , you are an Entj you are 100% right , from that perspective ... Others people are alot more emotionally weaker than you but i understand that the solution is that internal growth , hard to say ... nowdays people are fragiles crystals , i was the same until really hit , but that driving force isn't joke.


Well thanks for the compliment but I really don't mind working with people who are fragile crystals. In fact I'd much prefer it to being a "hard mf" or a "badass" or a "genius" or whatever else people might have thought of me when I was younger, as that really starts to lose relevance when a family begins to enter the picture.

Also, I'm probably being too blunt for my own good but the OP did say open to criticism, so I chose to be blunt moreso than criticize.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Do what you want to do or do nothing. You can try exploring several different things for inspiration, or you can just wait it out and maybe inspiration will come to you. Sometimes people just need a break during which they do little.

If you don't really feel motivated to help people, well, you can choose to not bother, you can try it for a while and see if you feel more motivated when you're in action, or you could gear yourself up and commit even without the motivation. You could donate some of that extra money you presumably have; that might be easier and more amenable to you than something that requires more time and action.

There's no such thing as "meaningful" things to do: there's only stuff one want to do more than one wants to do other stuff. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to have any hobbies or relationships. It's fine to simply exist. If you choose to believe that you should be doing more or wanting more, just realize that this belief is a choice and that you aren't obligated to keep the belief and should consider letting it go if it's not serving you.

There's nothing clearly "wrong" with you except that your thoughts about what should be seem to not match what is.


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## letsrunlikecrazy (Sep 21, 2015)

If you think about people in the abstract, you're naturally less motivated to help them as you can't relate to or empathize with any of them. Ever since I left school, which was a sort of wide-eyed idealistic bubble of philanthropic-minded young people dedicated to various causes, I haven't been motivated to help others beyond my immediate family and circle of friends. My justification is that it's already hard enough to be a good family member and friend without throwing selfless acts of public service into the mix. So if you don't feel motivated to help anyone aside from yourself, my recommendation would be to meet more people and get to know them and their needs. You don't have to help a hundred or a thousand people for your life to be more meaningful than it already is. You could just be a good, caring, generous friend to one or two or three special people, and to them, you would matter more than the entire Catholic canon of saints.

If you feel like you're just not cut out for the whole caring business, that's fine, too. Maybe your brain chemistry just doesn't let you. Just pick a few charities and sign up for monthly donations. That is 100% respectable and 500% more productive than going to a protest or spouting platitudes online.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

letsrunlikecrazy said:


> If you think about people in the abstract, you're naturally less motivated to help them as you can't relate to or empathize with any of them. Ever since I left school, which was a sort of wide-eyed idealistic bubble of philanthropic-minded young people dedicated to various causes, I haven't been motivated to help others beyond my immediate family and circle of friends. My justification is that it's already hard enough to be a good family member and friend without throwing selfless acts of public service into the mix. So if you don't feel motivated to help anyone aside from yourself, my recommendation would be to meet more people and get to know them and their needs. You don't have to help a hundred or a thousand people for your life to be more meaningful than it already is. You could just be a good, caring, generous friend to one or two or three special people, and to them, you would matter more than the entire Catholic canon of saints.
> 
> If you feel like you're just not cut out for the whole caring business, that's fine, too. Maybe your brain chemistry just doesn't let you. Just pick a few charities and sign up for monthly donations. That is 100% respectable and 500% more productive than going to a protest or spouting platitudes online.


Your first sentence is spot on, but it's also very unhelpful to have the opinion that doing is all that matters and that talking is bullshit. I find that to be a self-defeating opinion when coming here asking for advice and is why I took a negative tone with the OP. Plus the entire post seemed a tad bit personal, which is the part I thought was really messed up.


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## emesee (Dec 28, 2021)

Thank you all for your responses. I can assure you that much if not all of what has been said has already occurred to me, as this is something I have been trying to "solve" for some time now.

A few points in response to your posts Scoobyscoob:

1. I can see how having a family and responsibility can provide meaning to ones life and force you into action. However, it doesn't sound like it's worth embarking on that path. It's too much of a risk. Now, if I happened to be in that position, then yes I could absolutely make up some "story" and identity around it and perhaps that would provide me with some meaning... but I'm not in that position. Why would I take the risk to build a relationship with someone that in the end might not work, to have children that I'm likely not going to be able to raise to fit into society. I don't think I'm relationship material, and I don't want to make myself or whoever I partner with miserable. It's a huge commitment and responsibility.

2. I didn't mean that what I am saying is BS as in I'm making things up... what I meant is trying to analyse yourself and your motivations is quite difficult. It's very easy to draw connections and come up with something that isn't necessarily "true", but works. For example, rationally, helping others seems like a very meaningful thing to do (I can't think of something more meaningful?); however I have no strong desire to help others -- why? I can link that to any number of things... I can link it to a lack of motivation, inability to connect with others, self-absorption, lack of empathy, pure laziness, and the list goes on. But if that's the only truly meaningful thing I can think of, but my feelings don't align with it (meaning that it's not an idea that motivates me and drives me forward) then that's a problem I'd like to understand and try to solve in a way that is congruent with who I am and how I think. 

I want to understand the core of the problem so I can fix it. Most people don't seem to have the same issues as I do ...though yes of course I appreciate they may have different problems; but most people will have relationships, start a family, work hard to provide for their family, find some meaning etc. Is everyone just deluded? Surely that can't be the answer, though that does seem to make more sense than most explanations. And that was my intention for starting this thread; to see how other people think and would approach this "problem", or perhaps find some insight into where I am going wrong in my thought process.

I've got maybe another 50+ years to live, I need to find something to do! Being highly introverted all I have right now is myself and my thoughts, and that can be a bad thing.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

emesee said:


> Thank you all for your responses. I can assure you that much if not all of what has been said has already occurred to me, as this is something I have been trying to "solve" for some time now.
> 
> A few points in response to your posts Scoobyscoob:
> 
> ...


1. Well forcing into action would be true for some, but for me it would be a source of motivation. You can't be an unmotivated, uncaring, selfish and deluded person when being so will not only affect your life but also the life of people who are depending on you. Family (and friends) tends to be the #1 reason for being motivated to do anything you might not necessarily want to do. If you don't want a family or a relationship then finding a cause you can support in some way would be the next best thing. Over a lifetime, I would say finding someone you can be with is the much more satisfying and fulfilling way to go and I say that from having candid talks with people and from my own experience as well. I'm not really sure what to say with you thinking you'd be miserable with someone, but I've had many elderly people tell me they regret not finding someone they could at least share space with, if unwilling to start a family.

2. Ok, because you made it sound like you were literally saying that telling stories is lying and/or people who do so are liars, which really rubbed me the wrong way as I've had people accuse me of being a liar and didn't believe what I was saying because they were simply an uninteresting person. Were you referring to self-narrating your life? Some people do that but if you're telling yourself lies then that's being delusional and is unhealthy behavior.

Well, if you want to do good things for people, then it's best to come from a position of honesty. Do it because you want to do it. Because it will end up being thankless most of the time. Then the expectation may be even more later, sometimes to an unreasonable level. IMO, the only way that's sustainable is if you really do want to help people or to do more. Personally for now at least, I'm done. I won't be very helpful if people still think they can take from me what isn't theirs to take then expect me to voluntarily continue doing things with a smile. I'm not a slave an idiot or a robot, so I'm not sure why there would be an actual expectation that I'm one or some combination of those three.

Also, it's not surprising not wanting to help others in some appreciable way. Doing so requires a degree of idealism and the ability to actually be able to and to be in a position to do so. For most people the motivation would be money or some measure of fame. If you don't need the money and don't care about being well liked or popular, then why would you. It's just not natural for anyone to just suddenly want to help others, and strangers on top of that, and expect nothing in return. For me it's family based, for most people the incentive is monetary or recognition based. If you're not being motivated by any of those three then it's normal to not want to do more. You've simply reached that point before most people do.

So meeting someone you can at least share space with would be the best advice I could give and that would be my main takeaway. Not knowing what you want to do with your life now is normal, but going through life alone is something I've been told many times is what most people regret in the elder years.


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## emesee (Dec 28, 2021)

Thank you all for your responses.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

emesee said:


> I'm struggling to find ways to motivate myself. I remember when transitioning into adulthood I felt like I was losing my freedom. I had to accept that this is simply life and that a big part of that would be working a 9-5 job. I reluctantly took on my first non-skilled job until I realised that if I'm going to be working most of my life, then I'd rather be doing something that is valued and will compensate me enough to live comfortably. I also figured I could eventually just work for myself, as I don't find working for an employer particularly appealing. I left my job, studied, got a degree, and landed a decent job. In a relatively short space of time I progressed to a point where I was earning more than enough to support my lifestyle. I then decided that I didn't want to be in a job that required commuting, set hours, or someone telling me what to do. So I set up my employment arrangement in such a way where I don't have any of those things. I can take on the work I want, when I want. I'm also in a position now where I probably don't have to work at all if I choose not to. I basically I have the freedom, safety and security that I was working towards. I think I've pretty much met all of my needs in this regard.


Wow, master, teach me.

You are literally suffering from success, most people only dream to be in your position "I was earning more than enough to support my lifestyle", "I basically I have the freedom, safety and security that I was working towards", "I can take on the work I want, when I want. I'm also in a position now where I probably don't have to work at all if I choose not to". This is God Tier.


emesee said:


> But what now? I have no reason to do anything. I'm not social, I'm not in a relationship, I'm not religious anymore, I'm not particularly interested in acquiring material things and I have no real hobbies. I don't think I would be able to trick myself into seeking something, because ultimately I know that whatever that thing is, once I acquire it I'm going to be in more or less the same predicament I'm in now.


Now you donate all those things to me, because I have so many hobbies I don't know what to do next. In fact, I usually have to put my hobbies on hold just so that I can have time for the others.

Maybe this "no real hobbies" is exactly the reason you are so succesful in your career financially. No distractions, no drawbacks, just 100% focused, doing that thing.



emesee said:


> I realise I'm very fortunate (lucky) to be in the position I find myself in. It would be great if I could somehow use my time and resources to do some good for others. That would make sense, even if it means having to make sacrifices. But that's not what I'm doing. And whilst rationally that sounds like the right thing to do, it doesn't particularly excite or motivate me. Instead I'm just wasting all of my free time. Literally just wasting my life away.


Go to a party, drink. It's the most basic thing to do if you don't have a hobby.



emesee said:


> I realise how this post may come across to some, and I'm open to criticism (most of which I've probably already made against myself). Ultimately I just want to find a way to move forward and to be doing something that aligns with my values, but nothing seems to excite me enough to motivate me. I've tried just pushing through it and accepting that this is just how it has to be, and if people in this world have to suffer then why should I be any different... but that doesn't seem very empowering or motivating. For someone who already doesn't experience a great deal of positive emotion, "accepting my lot in life" doesn't sound very appealing.
> 
> I'd like to be happy, and spending the time I have on this earth doing something that is meaningful. If I could help reduce the suffering in this world, even if it's just helping a small number of people then that sounds far more meaningful than most (if not all) things you can spend your time on. But these are just words, there's not much action or emotion behind them. So in a way my words are just meaningless BS; a story I've made up.
> 
> ...


It's really funny how our own BS is our bilndspot. Seeing beyond your own BS is like playing chess with yourself, good luck with that. You know all your moves, you can't surprise yourself. Somebody else has to tell you his blind spot.

Maybe you are really afraid of getting into new things because it's something out of the ordinary for you? like have fun, go buy a Motor Bike and go to the mountain, ride it. Whatever is the dumbest thing you can think of to have fun go ahead and do it, you have money now.

Or maybe you don't want to change, ask yourself:

What is the hidden benefit (of staying the same) you didn't know you had but were doing it for it?

It's the fear of having your freedom limited because we don't like having our freedom limited "If I don't do this now, I will never be able to do it".

This is why procrastinators who manage to complete everything in the last few hours manage to do it, it's that sense of emergency that boosts them. Because if they don't do it, they will have their freedom limited.

What would I have to give up if I changed?

Superficially, it may seen like the cost is a little relaxation in order to get yourself to work for yourself and the improvement of your future

But if the cost is so small, just having to give up on a little relaxation, why don't you do it? I mean, it's the improvement of your life in the game after all!

That's becasue There is more beneath the surface, there is more beneath the iceberg, and the better you understand that iceberg, the better you get. Why do I not want to do it? what is the cost? what is it that I don't want to give up? Because you have to give something up to change.

It's all about understanding the mechanism. If you can understand the mechanism, you can beat it.

Maybe the addiciton of alcohol doesn't always give you something greater in return, but you percevive it as greater so you go for it.

Maybe it's not really a bad cost, maybe just your mind perceived it as a bad cost and it wasn't.

I read this from a psychologist once. It was about addiciton to alcohol but in a more generalized case, he said it could apply to many things, in your case it could be addiction to staying the same, so you may want to read it and interpret it as addiction of staying the same. Because you're not used with anything new or different.

I could be off with the assumption, but I find it hard to believe you're bored of everything with all the money in the world and so many things to do.


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## eeo (Aug 25, 2020)

I hope you have ruled out depression.

I really agree with this:



0.M.I.A.0 said:


> I think you should consider something incredibly minimal and small first to get your foot in the door (see if you like it). But just volunteer for something small.


Something small, even if it's something you wouldn't think you'd like doing could also work. The idea here is to try enough of different things you haven't tried before, so you'll have a better understanding of what you like and don't like. Or get out of your head, at least. Who knows, you might discover a surprising avenue you haven't thought of before. Or meet people who will introduce you to something new and interesting. If doing nothing is wasting time, might as well waste it on doing something.


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