# Sticky  LDR Support Group



## phony

*Are you in a Long-Distance Relationship? *hug*
*









*This thread will serve as a platform to discuss your experiences with LDRs. Also we will share stories, give virtual hugs, answer questions & be supportive because we are a big happy internet family c: *Here are some Qs if you want to answer them.

Have you been in one? If so...
What works, what doesn't? 
Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? 
How often did/do you see your partner? 
Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
What are some fun things to do?


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## phony

phony said:


> What are some fun things to do?


My personal favourite is turning on skype's video function when I have a super close-up of this walrus prop to freak my boyfriend out. Here it is.


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## Out0fAmmo

I don't know if I'd want PerC to be part of my family, but I'll answer anyway :wink:

*Have you been in one?*
Yes, I'm currently in an LDR with @MBTI Enthusiast :happy:


*What works, what doesn't?*
Well, it's not so bad when we're able to get a lot of private time together. I've been traveling a lot lately on business, so it's been hard to get a stable internet connection for skyping. We still do our best to talk to each other at least every day.


*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*
She's in the US and I'm in Germany right now, so it's pretty far :tongue:. I get to move back next summer, so that will be exciting.


*How often did/do you see your partner?*
We met once, 1.5 years ago. We wanted to meet more often, but the demands of my job got in the way. We're hoping to get another visit together in the next month or so.


*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
Skype, by far. Nothing beats getting to see and hear her. Cards are nice, though.


*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
The worst part is the physical separation. The best part is that we're still together in spite of the all of the time and communication challenges.


*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
The initial reaction is usually skepticism ("Online relationships never work!"), but I don't especially care what people think.


*
What are some fun things to do?*
Playing online games together! And talking about all PerC/personality typing in general.


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## phony

@Out0fAmmo & @MBTI Enthusiast

I hope you don't mind me asking a few questions. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, of course.

How long have you been in a LDR for? and has it gotten easier?

Personally, it's not that I'm getting used to being away from my boyfriend, but it's like I'm becoming more accepting of the fact that he isn't here with me _right now_ and there's nothing I can do about it so I shouldn't wallow in sadz :,o lol but really I used to do that a lot, but now I just focus on the fact that we can still communicate and when I_ will _get to see him. So it's not getting "easier", but the distance is getting a bit less difficult IME. I'm curious to know about you guys if you're willing to share 

btw you're already in the family, sorry, next week is twister night.


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## Out0fAmmo

phony said:


> How long have you been in a LDR for? and has it gotten easier?


About two years. It got difficult during my deployments to remote areas that had poor internet (or none at all), which was quite shock after we got so used to talking every day. I think it's gotten easier because we know we're getting closer to be being permanently reunited. At the end of the day, we both know we wouldn't have done things any differently because we're just crazy about each other :blushed:.

Of course, we met on here, so I imagine that an LDR would actually be harder for someone who met in real life first and then had to separate after the fact.


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## Ahlicks

*Have you been in one?*
Yes, I am currently in one with @_Waldeinsamkeit_ 

*What works, what doesn't? *
I will answer the latter. To state the obvious of what doesn't work: distance. I'm trying to think if there is anything more to add, but I feel like that currently might be the only one. I suppose the time difference (a six hour difference) doesn't work in our favor either.

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? *
No, there is not.

*How often did/do you see your partner? *
We have been courting for almost a year and have yet to see one another. However, this will change in seventy days !

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
If I had to choose one over the other, I would choose Skype. Being able to hear her voice and see her face is wonderful. Skype is close in line with our "essays (so to speak)" that we send each other. More specifically, we used PerC as our medium of communication when we first met (obviously) and the majority of our PMs reached ten pages in length (and there are many PMs). I loved reading hers, and I loved writing mine. Moreover, we have both archived them, so we essentially have them forever. I can't wait to re-read them with her in the future <3

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
To state the obvious (once again): distance. This is indubitably the most challenging part of being in a long distance relationship. We are separated by an ocean and I wish it weren't so, but it is. The best part of being in a long distance relationship, or rather, any relationship at all, is knowing that she is mine, and I am hers. Oh! One last part I find best is that we are both INFPs! And INFPs are wicked uber, and we are both happy that we are INFPs.

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
My peers (around the age of twenty) are quite fine and accepting with it! In contrast, the majority of adults are skeptical, but meh, I don't care.

*What are some fun things to do?*
We recently started a journal to send to each other (she holds it for one month, and I hold it for one month). We just started this and it has been a blast. We plan to start playing some online games and watch movies/television shows. I am sure that will be fun. Other than that, we skype, we chat, etc. and that is *always* fun.


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## MissyMaroon

*Have you been in one?*
I'm in one right now, but I've had another one before.

*What works, what doesn't? *
Everything works within limits if we make it so. I can't say what doesn't work. I guess being able to physically touch and hold each other is impossible right now, but it doesn't bother me much of the time. It's something I want very badly of course, but I've accepted what the situation is and work around it. Need physical affection? Pretend you're doing it! The mind is powerful. Put it to good use.

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? *
Nope. Love is love, and it don't give a damn.

*How often did/do you see your partner? *
We haven't yet, but we will soon enough. I don't know when currently, but we most definitely will.

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
Skype on a regular basis. I need to be able to speak with her, hear her, see her occasionally. Snail mail has a romantic quality to it that can't really be replicated, but it's nice to have it saved for special occasions or surprises. 

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
The worst part, as everyone else will agree, is the distance. It's not that bad honestly. I'll have moments where it does really suck and I want nothing more than to be with my SO, but for the most part it's quite manageable. The distance for me will never, ever be a reason to part. Actually within the context of this relationship, the most challenging part is the time difference and the hours she works, so she often gets on late at night and she's very tired, of course. It messes with her sleep schedule in general and I often feel bad about it. We used to have a looot of time to speak with each other, and although we don't have it now, I'm glad we had that time in our relationship to build roots and get to know each other on such a deep, concentrated level. Now we can get by a few hours a week and manage because we had that period of time where we flooded each other with our trollness. 

The best part? I suppose the best part is, despite the distance, I am lucky enough to be with someone extremely compatible with me, who I find so incredibly attractive, who shares a passion with me, who has pretty much the same values as me, who has a wonderfully charmingly twisted personality, who communicates with me on a level we both can understand, who gives me all the affection I could ever want, who also - strangely - loves me as much as I love her. We're on the same page and we're always there to support each other. She is my best friend and my lover. She has taught me so much and I know this is only just the beginning. I will never take this for granted. I remind myself at least once a week how we got here and what she means to me, even though I already do everyday. If we're still together in five years, ten years, twenty years, it doesn't matter, at least once every week I will remind myself why I am with her. No person has ever meant this much, and I guess the best part of it is that I get this wonderful opportunity to experience it. We have a shit ton of fun together, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
A bit skeptical. It doesn't matter to me, though. I don't talk to many people about my personal life to begin with.

*What are some fun things to do?*
We talk on Skype pretty much daily. We show each other links to funny, ridiculous, awesome, terrible things. I'll share my screen with her on Skype and I'll browse for her, that lazy girl. We both watch some of the same TV shows so we'll talk about them with each other. We're both passionately avid fans of this author and all of his works and works inspired by him, so we keep up with that. We run a fan forum together. Occasionally, we'll watch a movie or episode together, if ever we have the time. On special occasions, we send each other things. We have tons of fun. ^.^


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## Diphenhydramine

How do you show someone your screen on skype? Shit, I didn't know you could do that.


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## Ace Face

*Have you been in one?*
I have been in more than one, and am currently in one with the amazingly wonderful @Cover3 

*What works, what doesn't?* 
You have to be good at communicating. It's a must. If you don't communicate, it's probably not going to work out. 

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? 
*Nah.

*How often did/do you see your partner? 
*We've collectively spent about a month together in the past year and a half. 

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
*Definitely skype! Skype is like LDR date night central, lol. You get to look in their eyes and pretty much do whatever you want if you know what I'm saying  Snail mail doesn't do much for intimacy. That aside, it's nice to be able to see his face and hear his voice. I like watching his facial expressions, watching him read, etc. It almost feels like I'm right there with him sometimes. 

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR?* 
Being unable to comfort each other in the ways we both love best... hugs, kisses, affection, etc. 

*The best part?
*It teaches you how to treasure every moment you get. You don't take for granted the precious time you have together. It's hard, and it tries your patience, your love, your passion, and everything that makes your relationship what it is. It tries who you are as a person, and it forces your to sharpen some of your weaker points. It's made me a better person. 

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
*"How do you know he's not cheating?" -.- lol.

*What are some fun things to do?
*Just spending time together and being best buds and lovers. We talk on the phone, we skype, we flirt, we do anything and everything we possibly can together. We even watch Adventure Time together  And yeah... seeing that sexy bod on video cam... yummy :3 Pretty hot.


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## Diphenhydramine

Skype, the best guy.


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## MissyMaroon

Diphenhydramine said:


> How do you show someone your screen on skype? Shit, I didn't know you could do that.


You know how there's a little menu bar at the top of the window - Skype, Contacts, Converstion, Call, etc. ?

Well, while you are on a call with someone Skype, drop down the Call menu button, and there should be a list of things you can do on the call. Share screen is near the bottom, right below Video. Click on that and BAM! screens shared. ^_^

It's fun to browse random things together. ^.^ I often "collect" things that I stumble upon just to show to her. Enjoy.


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## MissyMaroon

@Ace Face

Skype really teaches you to get creative with the sexy time, doesn't it? ;D 

I think people have an incredibly difficult time in LDRs that started out IRL because they're often hesitant to transfer their sex life onto a virtual scale. It seems to be one of the number one complaints I see out there - Nroooo sex or physical affection, baaah. The answer is to get creative. Starting out as an LDR made me appreciate things so much more because I was prepared to stay for the long haul, and we're forced to communicate that much more.


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## Ace Face

MissyMaroon said:


> @_Ace Face_
> 
> Skype really teaches you to get creative with the sexy time, doesn't it? ;D
> 
> I think people have an incredibly difficult time in LDRs that started out IRL because they're often hesitant to transfer their sex life onto a virtual scale. It seems to be one of the number one complaints I see out there - Nroooo sex or physical affection, baaah. The answer is to get creative. Starting out as an LDR made me appreciate things so much more because I was prepared to stay for the long haul, and we're forced to communicate that much more.


Yessss. You definitely have to get creative with sexy time :3 It's an opportunity to make the unthinkable happen... so to speak. One of my personal favorites... we'll just be sitting there talking, and then out of nowhere, I'll demand that he take off his shirt. I order him to take off each piece of clothing one at a time until there's nothing left. Catching him when he least expects it and then demanding that he follow my orders or else... :3 Hell yes. He seems to like it, too :3


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## phony

Ace Face said:


> Yessss. You definitely have to get creative with sexy time :3


Phone sex is fun, but not that creative lol. phony-sex OH SNAPPP THAT'S CREATIVE *self five*


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## kaleidoscope

This thread tickles my feels.. :blushed:

Might post later, but for now, I'll just lurk.


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## phony

*Have you been in one? 
* @Diphenhydramine









(^his political idol, seriously you guys I was almost starting to get jealous)

*What works,* Trust, honest communication, making time for each other, general thoughtfulness. Normal relationship stuff + some time management, depending on the time difference. We don't have that problem though. 
*
What doesn't?* Drama. It's worse in a LDR in my opinion because there's no make-up sex.

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?* I don't think so. Time difference might matter more.

*How often did/do you see your partner? *Not often enough :< Twice in the last 5 months sighhhh, but he's coming in Nov and I will get to see him more after I graduate in december c: 

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)* Snail mail because of the smells. Also the american & chinese (chimerica) governments watch everyone through their webcams YEAH THINK ABOUT THAT SKYPE SLUTZ.

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR?* Not being physically close  
*The best part?* Sort of being forced to communicate lol. I definitely appreciate all the time I get to spend with him IRL that I might have taken for granted if we got to see each other everyday. Lying in bed and talking never gets boring because omg not pixels.

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?* Most of the people my age are like "ok w/e no biggie". Some people find it a bit strange/unusual that we met online. "How do you know you're not being catfished???" lol.

*What are some fun things to do?* Talking, making lists of things to do when we're together, phone sex, the walrus thing I do (page 1), pretending to be french or a ghost or @Wellsy etc. Oh we read _Lolita_ together for a while, that was nice. 
We've never played any online games together because I don't want to make him cry :<


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## 33778

*Have you been in one? *
I am currently in one with @GoodOldDreamer


*What works, what doesn't?*
We´ve been in this relationship for more than a year now and things work perfectly. It is hard to say what doesn´t work because even if there are thousands of kilometers in between us , we always find the way to feel closer to each other. It just works.


*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*
Nope, distance is just an ilusion. Having different work´s schedules on the other hand....


*How often did/do you see your partner? *
We´ll meet for the first time next January. He´scoming to visit me and we´re spending ten days together (not sure that will be enough though, I am sure I won´t be able to let him go )
We keep daydreaming about that trip.


*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
We´ve tried both and it´s awesome. Being able to touch the same things he has touched, reading his handwriting letter or even cuddling witht he pillow he sent to me, is priceless. On the other hand, my day is not complete if I have to go to bed without being able to see him or hear him, but if I have to pick one, I´d say skype (and/or Gtalk in our case)


*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
We both value physical touch much (it is an important part of our love language) so not being able to hug him, for example, when he is feeling down is a challenge.


The best part is, definitely, our communication. He is my lover and my best friend, I can talk about everything and anything with him. He understands and listens and talk to me so I can also understand.
We both are INFJs so we´re so random sometimes! We can start talking about piranhas and end up talking about Horacio Quiroga´s biography (long story please don´t ask :tongue
Our chats are funny, deep, silly, touchy-feely, logical, random.......damn I love the way his brain works!


*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
My best friend totally gets it and she is really supportive. I don´t talk a lot about my private life but I do say, if asked, that I am in a long distance relationship and I got different kind of reactions that go from curiosity/exciment to disinterest, I am fine with them. It is my life after all :happy:


*What are some fun things to do?*
Oh we talk every day (if the time difference doesn´t get in the middle) and we always find funny things to do.
We watch movies/tv shows together, play games (he keeps winning at literati! though that´s a turn on so it is all good :wink, we watch videos on youtube, listen to music together, we even take naps together sometimes (and no matter what you hear over there I DON´T SNORE!) and we talk and talk a lot!
We are planning our trip for next January so we spend a lot of time getting everything ready for that, like hotel reservations, bus tickets and stuff.
Last Christmas and New year´s eve,we had our own private dinner on skype, after everybody else went to bed, and it was really special and intimate and awesome.
Just because you´re in a long distance relationship it doesn´t mean you can´t have what other couples have, all you need is a bit of imagination.


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## A Skylark

1. I am in a LDR currently, but am also close to ending it.

2. It depends on the people what works or doesn't. One of the reasons I'm not terribly happy right now is that we have different ideas of what is fun and what is not over distance. A lot of our problems wouldn't exist if we were close to each other. There are other, more fundamental, problems too, though.

3. Too much distance? Sort of. I enjoy LDRs, actually, because of the separation. I suppose, being young and inexperienced, it's a less sudden, "easy" version of a normal relationship, where I don't have to deal with the physical aspects. On the other hand, it's sometimes harder to communicate when you have to state things out loud, rather than being able to rely upon physical cues.

3. In the year that my partner and I have been dating, I've seen him twice- once when we met, then during the summer when he came to visit me for a week. The first time was awkward because we barely talked. The second was awkward because I realised how little chemistry we have. We don't mesh as well IRL as we thought.

4. I like to use both Skype and text. I've played a lot of video games with him, so Skype for that. But for writing mushy love-letters e-mail is the way to go.

5. Biggest challenge- Overcoming the inherent differences between physical proximity and a LDR. He wanted it to be just like we were together IRL- hanging out with each other's friends (via Skype), internet sex (no thank you), companionable silences (AKA browsing the internet while in a silent Skype call), the sort of inane things I don't mind IRL but do mind with a LDR. Best part- Video games all the time. IRL I wouldn't have the excuse to do this, but the most fun part of my LDR has been the incredibly romantic, exciting act of murdering virtual beings together.

6. Some people react by telling me that it's not really a relationship. To them, I say fuck off, but you very well may be right. Some people think it's "cute". Generally, though, I think most of my friends don't think any different of LDRs as they do of normal relationships. Plenty of my friends have been involved with them, and it's not that rare of a thing anymore.

7. We do plenty of fun things, mostly video games. Sometimes we'll debate, or play online chess, or share funny pictures of cats. It's pretty chill, until I get bored and want to leave, at which point he gets really sad and I realise that he's a lot more invested in this than I am. *sigh*

Side note, best way to go about ending it? I won't have the chance to see him IRL anytime soon, but I need to do this. Anyone ever dumped someone long-distance before?


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## Ace Face

A Skylark said:


> 1. I am in a LDR currently, but am also close to ending it.
> 
> 2. It depends on the people what works or doesn't. One of the reasons I'm not terribly happy right now is that we have different ideas of what is fun and what is not over distance. A lot of our problems wouldn't exist if we were close to each other. There are other, more fundamental, problems too, though.
> 
> 3. Too much distance? Sort of. I enjoy LDRs, actually, because of the separation. I suppose, being young and inexperienced, it's a less sudden, "easy" version of a normal relationship, where I don't have to deal with the physical aspects. On the other hand, it's sometimes harder to communicate when you have to state things out loud, rather than being able to rely upon physical cues.
> 
> 3. In the year that my partner and I have been dating, I've seen him twice- once when we met, then during the summer when he came to visit me for a week. The first time was awkward because we barely talked. The second was awkward because I realised how little chemistry we have. We don't mesh as well IRL as we thought.
> 
> 4. I like to use both Skype and text. I've played a lot of video games with him, so Skype for that. But for writing mushy love-letters e-mail is the way to go.
> 
> 5. Biggest challenge- Overcoming the inherent differences between physical proximity and a LDR. He wanted it to be just like we were together IRL- hanging out with each other's friends (via Skype), internet sex (no thank you), companionable silences (AKA browsing the internet while in a silent Skype call), the sort of inane things I don't mind IRL but do mind with a LDR. Best part- Video games all the time. IRL I wouldn't have the excuse to do this, but the most fun part of my LDR has been the incredibly romantic, exciting act of murdering virtual beings together.
> 
> 6. Some people react by telling me that it's not really a relationship. To them, I say fuck off, but you very well may be right. Some people think it's "cute". Generally, though, I think most of my friends don't think any different of LDRs as they do of normal relationships. Plenty of my friends have been involved with them, and it's not that rare of a thing anymore.
> 
> 7. We do plenty of fun things, mostly video games. Sometimes we'll debate, or play online chess, or share funny pictures of cats. It's pretty chill, until I get bored and want to leave, at which point he gets really sad and I realise that he's a lot more invested in this than I am. *sigh*
> 
> Side note, best way to go about ending it? I won't have the chance to see him IRL anytime soon, but I need to do this. Anyone ever dumped someone long-distance before?


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## 33778

A Skylark said:


> Side note, best way to go about ending it? I won't have the chance to see him IRL anytime soon, but I need to do this. Anyone ever dumped someone long-distance before?


Just one thing, please don´t do it via email, it´s devastating =(
A skype talk, maybe, let him see you, be honest and direct. Explain your reasons for leaving and answer to his questions. It will hurt but I am sure he will understand. And then, if he asks for space, please give it to him, maybe he will need to process.

Good luck and I am sorry you´re feeling that way.


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## amethyst_butterfly

Felt like sharing 

Why it's really possible to fall in love online - CNN.com


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## searcheagle

amethyst_butterfly said:


> Felt like sharing
> 
> Why it's really possible to fall in love online - CNN.com


Wow, that is quite a story. A man bring an engagement ring on his first meeting? That could have turned out quite ugly --- but fortunately, it turned out with a happy ending.


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## phony

@milti
huggggggggggg


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## phony

Do any of you go on LDR tumblrs or read articles about them? I found a LDR tumblr yesterday and all the pictures were meant to be inspirational and cute but lol I just got really sad :<


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## Kyandigaru

im at the point in my life where I know I can be in a long-distance relationship and not cry or be annoyed by it. while I want companionship, I don't long...for it.


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## phony

Kyandigaru said:


> im at the point in my life where I know I can be in a long-distance relationship and not cry or be annoyed by it. while I want companionship, I don't long...for it.


Ah ok. That's actually sort of nice. I miss my boyfriend so much it's so shit. Have you ever been in a LDR?


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## Kyandigaru

phony said:


> Ah ok. That's actually sort of nice. I miss my boyfriend so much it's so shit. Have you ever been in a LDR?


I was in a relationship where there were points of not seeing each other because of no money (transportation) and no time. so there were weeks of not touching or seeing, just phone and Skype.


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## pearlgirl87

Long distance relationships just sort of break me so no, I don't read anything about it.


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## MBTI Enthusiast

GoodOldDreamer said:


> We're both INFJs. Our relationship is connected on deep emotional and spiritual levels. We're kindred spirits. Soul mates.


Same here. :kitteh: We say stuff like that all the time. I think it has to do with being the same MBTI. There is that connection, same-pagedness, and mind-reading that is unparalleled.

*Are you in a Long-Distance Relationship?*
Yes, as already mentioned, with the wonderful @Out0fAmmo. :happy:

*What works,*
- Constant communication. Never having to feel like I need to ration myself from him as I have felt with previous BFs/crushes. Knowing that we both want to spend as much time together as possible. I think it helps that we are both in the attachment triad in this regard.

- Showing love in multiple forms that you may not naturally be inclined to do. Cheesy things like sending a stuffed animal or learning how to show physical touch online.

- Leave behind worn clothes after your meeting. (This was extremely helpful for me to "cope" after he left during our visit. I love the way he smells. :kitteh

- Making sure we know what the other is generally doing and sharing our schedules. Otherwise, paranoia crops up when people start being secretive.

- Asking each other what's wrong and talking through any issues.

- Respecting your partner's need for reassurance at times and doing whatever it takes to maintain trust.

* what doesn't? *
- Crappy internet. -____- 
- Lack of privacy for skype calls due to public locations/roommates, etc.

We've never had these problems, but I imagine they would not help:
- Lack of flexibility for sleep & other schedules. 
- Disappearing so that your partner does not know where you are or what you are doing.
- Hanging up a call, or leaving a conversation when there are unresolved issues.

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?* 
Well, if you the distance got TOO far around the earth, you'd actually start getting closer! :crazy:

But, I've always said that he could be 200 miles away or 2,000, the distance feels much the same, though it does usually help to be in a similar time zone.

*How often did/do you see your partner? *
We've spent 2 wonderful weeks together during our almost 2 year relationship. We're looking to spend 2 more very soon once we get a few things straightened out. 

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
Skype. Seeing the person and hearing their voice is very important. I've been deprived of skype for weeks in our relationship and those were the hardest times. Even if we could communicate through text, it wasn't the same as hearing his voice.

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR?*
That nagging sadness and feeling of unfairness deep inside of you at all times that you can push away for the most part, but sometimes it breaks through and overwhelms you.

Trying to comfort friends who are like, "I haven't seen my boyfriend in a week! I'm soooo sad!" -__-

Telling people that you don't want to hang out because you'd rather sit at home and talk to your boyfriend.

*The best part?*
The comfort that I have found the one for me. Someone who cares about me and loves me. Knowing he will always be there for me, even if it's long distance. As I like to say, "The hard part is over. We found each other."

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
Most people don't care, or they share that they've met someone online as well. Although, my family had a tough time with it. My mom kept asking, "How do you know he's not a serial killer!" It took her like 6 months to accept that he's not a criminal. 

*What are some fun things to do?*
- Play online board games.
- Watch online shows together synced up.
- Talk about PerC and typology.
- Go to sleep together on Skype so that you can see them when you wake up in the middle of the night. :3
- Meet the family through Skype and/or in person by yourself. :laughing:



phony said:


> @Out0fAmmo & @MBTI Enthusiast
> 
> I hope you don't mind me asking a few questions. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, of course.
> 
> How long have you been in a LDR for? and has it gotten easier?


We have been LDRing since we met on here. We started talking in May 2011, realized we loved each other and committed to each other in November/early December 2011, visited in May 2012.

It hasn't gotten easier. :tongue: If anything, it's gotten harder because of recent internet problems/deployments. The only way it's gotten easier is that every day we're closer to being reunited for good.


----------



## pearlgirl87

Those of you in an LDR with over a year, how do you guys see the future?


----------



## Ace Face

pearlgirl87 said:


> Those of you in an LDR with over a year, how do you guys see the future?


We're planning for our future, and it looks pretty good. There will definitely still be some rough spots, but so goes life. We want to get married and raise a family. Those are the ultimate goals. We're currently both working on securing decent careers so we can take care of the future babies. We're saving up to apply for visas and citizenship as well.


----------



## Devrim

I think in the end the biggest issue with LDR is the idealizing of the partner,
Many times we see what we want to see online,
And it isn't helped by the natural human instinct to ignore the facts when in a situation where you are infatuated.
Double whammy.

But I feel that as long as you're honest about both the good and the bad,
And you're committed to see it working,
And have a plan to truly be together in future,
It will work 

Sadly though many people use online relationships because of an inability Irl,
And this is why when they meet the chemistry is not always there as the people did not choose the relationship out of true choice,
But rather that it was convenient BECAUSE it was online.

PS I might fill this out later xD


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

pearlgirl87 said:


> Those of you in an LDR with over a year, how do you guys see the future?


Well, our plans are pretty laid out. He will come back to the US in May 2014. He may be in the same state, but he may be somewhere else. Still, same country would help. Then, in August 2015, either he will move closer to me, or I will move to him, depending on how my career is panning out. We plan to get married after we have spent more time together in-person and have done the whole "meet the parents" thing for real. :happy: After that, we will have a stable, peaceful, happy home together for the rest of our lives. :kitteh:

So for us, it's truly just a waiting game. Learning patience as we go. :wink:


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

At the moment I am trying to find a job in his city which has been a challenge since there are lack of jobs in that area but recently two opportunities appeared and I sent my resume. I hope to have luck this time. In the meantime we are just going to continue visiting each other until a good opportunity appears. Next year I hope to meet his family who are in PA hopefully during easter week or later. They have been wanting to meet me. We have talked about marriage several times in the past. It's something we want in the future but we don't want to rush into that. We are taking the time to know each other until the time is right.


----------



## Diphenhydramine

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> * what doesn't? *
> - Crappy internet. -____-


 lol im surprised nobody mentioned this before. lag :<


----------



## Kitten

I haven't posted on PerC in many, many months now (has it been over a year? o.o), but I decided to randomly lurk today.. and came across THIS thread. I really enjoy communicating with other long distance lovers and answering questions about long distance relationships, so.. here it goes!

*Have you been in one?*
Yes, I'm currently engaged to my long distance fiance Casper, otherwise known as Shorttail. We've been in a long distance relationship for over 5 years <3 I should probably mention that I didn't meet him at PerC, though.. I met him on a different online forum in the summer of 2005!
We became best online friends in January 2006, and then after over two and a half years of close friendship, we started our relationship in August 2008.
However.. I live in the US, he lives in Denmark, and we have an 8 year age gap.

...Which means that when we started our relationship, I was 14 years old and he was 22 years old!

Because of these circumstances, I told him we'd have to wait FOUR YEARS before we could meet IRL for the first time (so that I'd be 18 when we met). We received a crazy amount of criticism for the age gap, having met online, and having to wait for so long, but we proved the doubters wrong! Casper came to the US for a month and a half in September/October 2012, and it was absolutely lovely. <33
For our second meet-up, I traveled to Denmark this past summer vacation, where I lived with Casper for almost 3 months. It was during this summer that he proposed to me, and I said yes. :3

We are now ages 19 and 27, and have been together for 5 years and two months.

*What works, what doesn't?*
It often depends on the relationship, since every relationship has different dynamics. But trust, honesty, and clear communication of feelings are very essential in a long distance relationship. You need to be completely honest about your feelings with each other, even when those feelings are negative. You need to know what's going on in each other's lives, and be able to 100% trust your partner when you're away from them.. since that's how it's going to be for a large majority of the time!

What doesn't work? Well, if you met online.. not having any plans to meet up. Lying about your identity. Also, for any long distance relationship.. basically the opposite of everything I talked about before. Dishonesty. Not telling your partner how you feel. Hiding things. 

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*
Nope.

*How often did/do you see your partner?*
Well.. being in an international long distance relationship is hard! ^^;; As I said earlier, due to the 8 year age gap, we had to wait four years before we could meet IRL for the first time.. that meet-up was a month and a half in September/October 2012. Then, I left on May 15th, 2013 to go to Denmark, where I stayed for almost 3 months. Our next meet-up will be during summer 2014, but we don't yet know the exact dates.
So, to put it simply - our visits are few and far away from each other, but the visits themselves last fairly long. <3

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
Skype is definitely my most used method of communication with Casper, and most convenient! XD;; Snail mail is nice for special occasions, though. We send each other handwritten letters through the mail every once in a while, such as for holidays. There's something very special about them. <3

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
The worst part is not being able to be there for each other in person when one of us is feeling upset. Sometimes all you can do is cry on webcam, and all your partner can do is stare helplessly at you, wishing they could hold you. Also, the ridiculously long waiting periods.

The best part is knowing that it's all worth it in the end, and that I get to spend the rest of my life with my true love. <333

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
It depends on how well they know me. Most people who know me really well are very accepting of it, but there are many who don't know me well that aren't so accepting.
When I was a 14 years old, a TON of people doubted my relationship. They accused Casper of being a pedophile that was just preying on me. They said we wouldn't be able to wait 4 years to meet up. They said it wouldn't work because we met online and because we had over 4,000 miles between us and a seven hour timezone difference.
Now that we've met up IRL multiple times and are engaged, a lot less people doubt our relationship, but we still get doubters. Despite the fact that I'm 19 now, a lot of people STILL accuse Casper of being a pedophile for starting our relationship when I was 14 and he was 22.. which is kinda ridiculous, seeing as he's MORE than proved that he never had any malicious intentions. And nowadays I receive some criticism for being engaged as early as 19, despite the fact that we've been best friends for 8 years, have been in a relationship for over 5 years, and have overcome many obstacles together.
...For the most part though, people are now accepting of it. :3

Video of our first meet-up:





Video of our second meet-up:


----------



## MissyMaroon

Diphenhydramine said:


> lol im surprised nobody mentioned this before. lag :<


Oh, yeah, that's the worst! XD We were separated for a while because of faulty internet connection. It makes certain situations awkward as well. XD Yeah, interesting how it wasn't mentioned as much because this has got to be the most annoying thing.

Also, having to repeat yourself multiple times. It will be interesting not having to say "What?" five times in a row - though I might just do it for kicks. *snickers*


----------



## Diphenhydramine

68 hours. 










im almost dying of excitement. just trudging through work trying to find ways to make time pass faster.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Diphenhydramine said:


> 68 hours.


Congratulations!! :crazy:

Also, @Kitten, your videos almost made me cry! :') Props to you guys for staying strong.

General advice for those in an LDR, especially multi-country: Do NOT see "Like Crazy".


----------



## Sina

<3 this thread


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

confused girl28 said:


> My boyfriend and I tried a skype sleepover last night.
> The sleeping thing was an epic fail :tongue: but the experience was awesome!
> We talked until really late and it took me a while to fall asleep. I did though fall asleep eventually but kept waking up every now and then just to realize he was still awake lol Poor soul could barely catch some sleep.
> It was amazing turning around in bed and seeing him though. He looked so peaceful and relaxed.
> It helped me a lot to feel him closer and we´re planning on repeat the experience soon.
> I highly recommend it!
> 
> 
> As an aside note: "I don´t snore"!:tongue:


Just for the record, the sleeping part was only partially a fail (as I did sleep for a little while), and it was not because of either of us but because of a cold I have that made my throat sore and icky. *hugs* It was a perfect evening otherwise and I would love to give it a go again soon. roud:


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

confused girl28 said:


> My boyfriend and I tried a skype sleepover last night.
> The sleeping thing was an epic fail :tongue: but the experience was awesome!
> We talked until really late and it took me a while to fall asleep. I did though fall asleep eventually but kept waking up every now and then just to realize he was still awake lol Poor soul could barely catch some sleep.
> It was amazing turning around in bed and seeing him though. He looked so peaceful and relaxed.
> It helped me a lot to feel him closer and we´re planning on repeat the experience soon.
> I highly recommend it!
> 
> 
> As an aside note: "I don´t snore"!:tongue:


Yeah! I loved when I got to do that with Ammo. Even if sleeping with earbuds in kinda hurt after a while, I loved waking up to see him and vice versa.


----------



## 33778

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Yeah! I loved when I got to do that with Ammo. Even if sleeping with earbuds in kinda hurt after a while, I loved waking up to see him and vice versa.


lol yes, I woke up to a numb ear a few times lol but a skype sleepover is an experience I certainly wanna try again!

Edit to add: I just saw your signature and realized your SO is visiting you in 6 days! Congrats! I wish you the best! Are you nervous? I still have to wait 65 days for my SO to visit me, but I get really nervous every time I think about it lol
Good luck to you guys! =)


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

confused girl28 said:


> Edit to add: I just saw your signature and realized your SO is visiting you in 6 days! Congrats! I wish you the best! Are you nervous? I still have to wait 65 days for my SO to visit me, but I get really nervous every time I think about it lol
> Good luck to you guys! =)


Yeah!  It was a planned last-minute decision. :wink: We have been planning to see each other again for a while, but we couldn't get all the nuts and bolts in place until a few days ago. 

I was more nervous during our first meeting because you feel like it all hinges on the whole "real life chemistry" thing. However, I think that online relationships are so much deeper, that even if the chemistry wasn't perfect, it would still be the best relationship you could ever ask for.  So there isn't too much to be nervous about.

I had and have a few insecurities still that I sometimes worry he won't like when he actually sees the real me, but this time I lost 13 lbs in preparation for his visit so that I feel more comfortable with myself around him.  I'm mostly super excited! And it's funny because I had so much patience for these past 1.5 years since our last visit, but now I feel like I have none. :wink: This is going to be a long week at work. :tongue:

I'm also planning on taking a lot of photos and videos together, as well as journaling every night. I want to make the most of these memories together.


----------



## 33778

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Yeah!  It was a planned last-minute decision. :wink: We have been planning to see each other again for a while, but we couldn't get all the nuts and bolts in place until a few days ago.
> 
> I was more nervous during our first meeting because you feel like it all hinges on the whole "real life chemistry" thing. However, I think that online relationships are so much deeper, that even if the chemistry wasn't perfect, it would still be the best relationship you could ever ask for.  So there isn't too much to be nervous about.
> 
> I had and have a few insecurities still that I sometimes worry he won't like when he actually sees the real me, but this time I lost 13 lbs in preparation for his visit so that I feel more comfortable with myself around him.  I'm mostly super excited! And it's funny because I had so much patience for these past 1.5 years since our last visit, but now I feel like I have none. :wink: This is going to be a long week at work. :tongue:
> 
> I'm also planning on taking a lot of photos and videos together, as well as journaling every night. I want to make the most of these memories together.


Aww the waiting is so cruel sometimes but it is so worth it! So glad you made it and you´ll be with your SO in just a few days! 
This week will be the longest ever I bet lol

We´ve have been planning this trip for about 9 months and we still have to wait two more months for it to happen. I´ll pick him up from the airport that is located 6 hours from here and I am so anxious I already started packing lol

I am an insecure person by nature so I am dealing with that as well though he makes me feel "safe" every time I mention something like that


----------



## 33778




----------



## Murky Muse

This time in two weeks he'll be here visiting me. :kitteh:


----------



## 33778

I want to wish good luck to @MBTI Enthusiast and @Out0fAmmo at their meeting!!
I wish you the best guys! have lots of fun! :happy:


----------



## Out0fAmmo

confused girl28 said:


> I want to wish good luck to MBTI Enthusiast and Out0fAmmo at their meeting!!
> I wish you the best guys! have lots of fun! :happy:


Aww, thanks! Yes, it's going really great so far :kitteh:


----------



## phony

LovePalz Connecting Lovers

omgggg you guys they made a LDR sex toy. like you fuck one end and your SO fucks the other end and you both feel it lol LOOK AT IT.

tbh i think it's a cool concept, but it looks like a pretty _meh_ sex toy.


----------



## Diphenhydramine

Your booking has been confirmed, thank you for choosing AirAsia.

Please print out the attached itinerary for your own records.

 1 month !!!


----------



## StaceofBass

Came across this while browsing and thought you guys might enjoy it. No idea where to go to order one, but looks like things like this exist.

Totally cute idea.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

8 days left for us!! :happy:


----------



## phony

StaceofBass said:


> Came across this while browsing and thought you guys might enjoy it. No idea where to go to order one, but looks like things like this exist.
> 
> Totally cute idea.



I think it's the same pillow in the video loool 


phony said:


> What do you guys think about LDR tech? Like this
> 
> This Bracelet Lets People Touch Each Other, No Matter How Far Away They Are (Video) | Elite Daily
> 
> There are a bunch of other products like this that are on the market (or are being developed), like this heartbeat-glow-pillow thing (lol)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and a bit more naughty, "Fundawear" by durex


----------



## phony

Diphenhydramine said:


> Your booking has been confirmed, thank you for choosing AirAsia.
> 
> Please print out the attached itinerary for your own records.
> 
> 1 month !!!



And again in Jan :>

Lol I counted that's 16 days apart HEEE<3


----------



## 33778

amethyst_butterfly said:


> 8 days left for us!! :happy:


Congrats!!!

Awwww I am officially jealous! *looks down at signature*:tongue:


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Thanks! Time goes fast so don't worry about it.  January is just around the corner.




confused girl28 said:


> Congrats!!!
> 
> Awwww I am officially jealous! *looks down at signature*:tongue:


----------



## Ace Face

I'm so jealous of all of you bitches, lol. It looks like @Cover3 and I will have to wait a while before we see each other again. It's been 129 days since we were with each other last. We usually go about every six months or so, but that's not going to happen this time because broke asses


----------



## phony

Ace Face said:


> I'm so jealous of all of you bitches, lol. It looks like @_Cover3_ and I will have to wait a while before we see each other again. It's been 129 days since we were with each other last. We usually go about every six months or so, but that's not going to happen this time because broke asses


*virtual nuzzle hug*









and here is a motivational penguin:









edit: btw i love your signature gif SO MUCHHHH<3


----------



## 33778

amethyst_butterfly said:


> Thanks! Time goes fast so don't worry about it.  January is just around the corner.


Thank you! and yes, yes! time is flying by! we´ve been planning this (our first meeting) for almost a year now maybe that is why I am a bit anxious......and nervous.....and.....Ahhhhh lol



Ace Face said:


> I'm so jealous of all of you bitches, lol. It looks like @_Cover3_ and I will have to wait a while before we see each other again. It's been 129 days since we were with each other last. We usually go about every six months or so, but that's not going to happen this time because broke asses


Awwww sorry to hear that  Hang in there! waiting can be a bitch, but you guys can make it! =)


----------



## 33778

Aya Nikopol said:


> My relationship is already complicated let alone long distance, but you guys give me hope!


Awww I am sorry to hear that. Hang in there!
I think all relationships are complicated at some point but if there is love there is still hope =)


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

confused girl28 said:


> Awww I am sorry to hear that. Hang in there!
> I think all relationships are complicated at some point but if there is love there is still hope =)


There is tones of love gladly.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Well... we just learned that our hope of closing the distance in May will not be quite as close as we'd hoped. He could end up anywhere from a 7.5 hour drive from me to a 6-8 hour flight from me. Although, considering we used to pay 1k every year for the flight, we might be able to get away with 3-5 visits in a year for the same price. *sigh* Still feeling down about it, even though it IS better than what we've been dealing with.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

If you have an android or apple device you can use an app called UpackingList. It helps you create lists by categories and check through everything before leaving. You can get it directly through the apple and google market. It's free.

uPackingList iPhone Application

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.nixsolutions.upack&hl=en









confused girl28 said:


> I have realized I have no idea how to pack.
> I tried to do it earlier last week and some things I will need the day before my trip, ended up at the bottom of my bag, so I had to re do the whole thing all over again *facepalm*:tongue:
> Any tip would be appreciated!


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Those are just obstacles that are testing your love but don't let them get you down. Remember that it will be temporary. 



MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Well... we just learned that our hope of closing the distance in May will not be quite as close as we'd hoped. He could end up anywhere from a 7.5 hour drive from me to a 6-8 hour flight from me. Although, considering we used to pay 1k every year for the flight, we might be able to get away with 3-5 visits in a year for the same price. *sigh* Still feeling down about it, even though it IS better than what we've been dealing with.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

I consider me and my boyfriend lucky for being able to visit each other 4 times during the past year. I was able to spend the past week with him and celebrate the new year but after he left on Monday I have been feeling very sad. We had a wonderful time together and now we are back to our old routines. It's depressing. It makes me wonder "Whats happening next?" "When we will be together again?" "When are we finally going to close the distance?. I don't want to be like this forever. I though this trip wasn't going to be possible but everything went well. Before that I had plans on visiting him during Easter. I usually get Thursday and Friday off at the end of March but I think it won't be possible because of how expensive traveling is. We are only 2:30 to 3 hours away by plane but the traveling and lodging costs are too much. Plus its challenging to get extra days off from work. I had to beg last time to get 2 days off during a time when there is no workload. (The days after Jan 1). I work for very strict and complicated people. My boyfriend's job is more flexible and has other people that can cover for him during his absence. I have plans on paying off one of my college loans now and need to save money. Also he was offered an opportunity to do a business trip during that time and he should not miss that opportunity. 

I definitely can visit him during the summer but it's hard for us to stay apart. It makes me sad to let him down.That is why most people can't stand long distance relationships. I wish I could get a job close to him already. I have the experience and the qualifications. I don't even need a visa cause I am already an american citizen. I just need someone to tell me "You are hired!!" but this has been the hardest part and is not our fault. 

It's funny that me and my boyfriend were chilling in the living room and my mother was saying in Spanish "When are you going to get married?" "You have known each other for so long". I didn't know if she was joking or being serious. I had to translate what she was saying to my bf cause he looked confused. She feels that in the future something has to be done because we cannot be like this forever traveling back and forth. I wish things were that easy. When you are trying to do things the right way it takes time. We have known each other for a long time since 2011 but we recently have been getting to know each other in person and feel we still need some time. 


sighs. I guess I just have to be happy for having him in my life and that we have created beautiful memories together and don't stress so much about the future and what people say.


----------



## 33778

amethyst_butterfly said:


> If you have an android or apple device you can use an app called UpackingList. It helps you create lists by categories and check through everything before leaving. You can get it directly through the apple and google market. It's free.
> 
> uPackingList iPhone Application
> 
> https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.nixsolutions.upack&hl=en


I had no idea about that! Thank you! It is worth a try, I need all the help I can get. I already started packing again....for the third time :tongue:


----------



## Ace Face

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Well... we just learned that our hope of closing the distance in May will not be quite as close as we'd hoped. He could end up anywhere from a 7.5 hour drive from me to a 6-8 hour flight from me. Although, considering we used to pay 1k every year for the flight, we might be able to get away with 3-5 visits in a year for the same price. *sigh* Still feeling down about it, even though it IS better than what we've been dealing with.


Sorry to hear the disappointing news. I'm bummed out for you. You two have made it this far though <3 You guys can do it! Stay strong.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Just bring the essentials depending on how many days you will be travelling. I prefer to travel light and bring carry on bags that I can keep with myself during the flight instead of heavy luggage. I put a bag under the seat in front of me and another one in my lap so I don't need to even bother with putting my stuff in the compartments above. You save a lot of time because you don't need to wait for your luggage at the end of the flight. I think that little app is useful for remembering little things that you might forget. Also keep in mind of the weather cause ha! last time I wasn't expecting Florida to be so freezing cold lol. I just brought a jacket and a hoodie and I was freezing my ass off. 



confused girl28 said:


> I had no idea about that! Thank you! It is worth a try, I need all the help I can get. I already started packing again....for the third time :tongue:


----------



## phony

Aya Nikopol said:


> This thread is the best things ever. Loved reading all of your experiences. Helps me know that I'm not alone in this struggle.


sighh that's exactly what it is. a struggle 

just got back from spending 6 days with my LD loverboii, i am so sad you guys. sigh. i'm trying to get a job in his town so i can live there for a bit before uni. sigh.


----------



## phony

have you guys seen this?

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/174785-long-distance-romance.html


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

phony said:


> sighh that's exactly what it is. a struggle
> 
> just got back from spending 6 days with my LD loverboii, i am so sad you guys. sigh. i'm trying to get a job in his town so i can live there for a bit before uni. sigh.


I'm planning to meet my fiancée this year but he keep asking me not to spend money on the trip and stay.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

I am so excited that Valentine's Day is coming soon. It's a good opportunity to make something creative for your SO. Yay!


----------



## phony




----------



## Ace Face

38 days


----------



## kaleidoscope

A few questions for you all,

Do you guys ever experience frustration with the LDR situation? How do you cope with that?

How often do you dedicate time to just talk? Nothing else, no distractions?


----------



## phony

kaleidoscope said:


> A few questions for you all,
> 
> 1. Do you guys ever experience frustration with the LDR situation? How do you cope with that?
> 
> 2. How often do you dedicate time to just talk? Nothing else, no distractions?


1. Yes. It's very, very frustrating and difficult. Sometimes I even get upset with my boyfriend because of our situation even though obviously it isn't his fault. A healthy way of trying to cope is making Plans For The Future  Short-term plans really. For example right now we're both looking for jobs/apartments for me in his city so that I can move there in April.

2. Usually at least an hour a day. I'm checking our logs and lately we've been Skype calling for 1.5-2 hours.
Does reading count as a distraction? We are reading Pramoedya Ananta Toer's _This Earth of Mankind_ together, so we take turns reading on Skype.


----------



## Ace Face

kaleidoscope said:


> Do you guys ever experience frustration with the LDR situation?


Oh God, yes. Not being able to touch my partner or look him in the eyes? That shit is hard. It does get frustrating because you go for so long without it (touch), and it feels unnatural. That's the hardest part for me. Oh, and not being able to hug each other when shit is going down... that sucks.... stills falls under touch though =P 



> How do you cope with that?


Naturally, I keep things in good perspective. In an LDR, you get the opportunity to really develop your friendship. Friendship, in my opinion, is what is lacking in most people's relationships these days. They marry off when they're still in the butterfly phase, not realizing that butterflies (and looks) fade. When the butterflies are gone, you are left with the choice to love. Love is dedication, patience, kindness, respect, loyalty... that's what love is. Love is not butterflies. That shit is called hormones... infatuation. The bottom line is that it's hard to love somebody long-term if there is no friendship. But when you develop that solid foundation of friendship, and you maintain that friendship, you've got something really special that a lot of people don't really have. Being in an LDR is a blessing in that way. You are taught what tools you need to be able to maintain the friendship, and the friendship is, hands-down, the most important part of any relationship. I am afraid to count how many times I used the phrase "the friendship." I know this shit sounded choppy, but I'm too lazy to give a damn about fixing it right now x) 



> How often do you dedicate time to just talk? Nothing else, no distractions?


We talk everyday. Most of the time, there are distractions, but that's just life. You gotta go with the flow a little bit. There are still moments when we are focused on nothing but each other, but generally, that's just not a realistic expectation to have in my opinion.


----------



## 33778

Trying to go back to normal after spending the most amazing ten days with my SO is the hardest thing I´ve had to face, ever.


----------



## Ace Face

confused girl28 said:


> Trying to go back to normal after spending the most amazing ten days with my SO is the hardest thing I´ve had to face, ever.


Last time cover3 left, I cried for like... two weeks x) And omg, when I was dropping him off at the airport, you would have thought I was at his funeral... waterworks galore! My little eyes were so swollen  It's hard for the brain to adjust to not having them there. Once they've been on your turf, and they've been everywhere you've been, home just doesn't seem the same again. Home feels empty without your partner there. This is why we need to get my man here permanently... ASAP. I grow more and more impatient by the day because he and I both know this is where he belongs <3 We just need to do it already.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

confused girl28 said:


> Thank you :happy:
> 
> This exactly the way I am feeling right now. It is being hard for me to go back to "normal" because as I see it my normal is with him. I wish I could explain that better to my SO because we are having a hard time understanding each other and it is my fault, I know I am over reacting but I feel depressed.
> 
> 
> We had an interesting chat last night and it helped, I am so lucky my SO is so patient with me and he really tries to understand that I really am mad at the situation and I need to feel ike I am doing somehing to change things.
> 
> 
> As for going out to distract myself, I really need to force myself to do that, it takes a lot of effort and energy (I am an introvert as well) and I am doing my best because I want, more than anything, to get over this phase so we can focus on planning our next meeting.
> 
> 
> Everything went out so well, we had an awesome time together and I can´t help it but wanting more.
> I guess I need to breath and relax and be patient and wait.


I know how you feel, btw. When he leaves, I always feel so much emptier. Like my partner in crime is gone and I'm all alone again. It does help to reach out to others who are close to you in life. After the first visit, luckily it was Senior Week in college and I had a group of friends to hang out with and fun activities to get my mind off of it and back on track. The second time, I felt super alone because I'm living in a new town, but I have a couple of friends at work that are sympathetic and very nice, and I was able to vent to them. I think the worst thing you could do is bottle up your feelings and feel like you have to navigate them alone. Even just a sympathetic ear can help. I agree that going out all the time is a better coping mechanism for the extraverts and/or social doms, but maybe there is an introverted activity that you enjoy that you can get back to? Anything to pull you back on track and out of that hole of emptiness. *hugs*

Oh, and start planning your next meeting! Bring up options, explore possibilities. That helps a ton when you realize it's NOT the last time you will see each other, and you can focus more on the next time as opposed to missing the last. 



KindOfBlue06 said:


> Has anyone found a more reliable way of communication than Skype? It drops calls all the time, and half of the time the messages don't even go through. Not sure if this is a connection issue, but it's dropped calls when I was talking to people overseas before. It also didn't send messages to people here in The States.
> 
> It's really frustrating, especially when you're trying to plan times to talk. Any suggestions welcome. Thanks!


Yeah, that has to be the most frustrating thing about LDRs. Damn technology. :frustrating: Skype oftentimes sucks. When it stops sending messages, it sometimes doesn't even let you know that your messages aren't being sent. My bf and I switch to Yahoo Messenger in those cases, because at least Yahoo seems to be able to send instant messages without getting bogged down, and I know when he's actually offline or not. I often dream of having hyper-speed internet so that we can have intimate moments without being distracted by bad quality/call drops. :/


----------



## 33778

Thank you people.
Talking about it here helps, reading you guys helps a lot.:happy:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/mYY3o


Here's something for you guys that I found online


----------



## phony

The only really good thing about being in a LDR is that I basically never have to groom myself


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Like this??? :shocked::laughing::tongue:












phony said:


> The only really good thing about being in a LDR is that I basically never have to groom myself


----------



## phony

Happy Long-Distance Valentine's Day! aka phone sex day...


----------



## 33778

My SO and I have planned a Valentines date tomorrow night and while other girls would be thinking of how to dress I am thinking of updating my skype version:tongue:


----------



## Children Of The Bad Revolution

My OH sent me pink roses and lilies, chocolates and a teddy bear for Valentine's. Remembered my favourite flowers, bless him. XD

Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710e using Tapatalk


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

LOL my boyfriend received his V-day present too soon (last week). I forgot how fast shipping is between Florida and Puerto Rico. Ooops. He promised me he would not open it. His package arrived today and I will pick it up tomorrow. We want to open our presents together on Skype and see our reactions. It will be a fun night! yay!


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

amethyst_butterfly said:


> LOL my boyfriend received his V-day present too soon (last week). I forgot how fast shipping is between Florida and Puerto Rico. Ooops. He promised me he would not open it. His package arrived today and I will pick it up tomorrow. We want to open our presents together on Skype and see our reactions. It will be a fun night! yay!


I, on the other hand, have had such a crazy couple of months that I haven't even sent his Christmas present. :sad: I'm terrible. It's going to be a combo Christmas/V-day present that I will hopefully send soon! :frustrating:


----------



## Ace Face

Thirteen days until my @Cover3 is here. He will be here for five weeks, and then it will be at least a year, if not longer, before we get to see each other again. We're going to make the most of his time here while we can <3 I can't wait to see him again.


----------



## leila0102030405

Hi i am also in a long distance relationship although i am lucky to see him often or somewhat often it's still hard, sometimes i think the missing is going to make me crazy but when i think of him i remember why i have to keep going strong. But i am happy that we soon are getting married and maybe i will move there to. I just think how am gonna wait i am so excited. Am i the only one crazy enough to start packing weeks in advantage? :blushed: and it's nice with a group like this, so many cute stories to read through and encourageing words. I truly wish the best for all of you.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

It's never too late to send presents! It can be anything simple. As long as it's something meaningful is ok. Does't have to be something expensive. Happy V-day 



MBTI Enthusiast said:


> I, on the other hand, have had such a crazy couple of months that I haven't even sent his Christmas present. :sad: I'm terrible. It's going to be a combo Christmas/V-day present that I will hopefully send soon! :frustrating:


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Lucky you. Hope everything goes well for you. 




leila0102030405 said:


> Hi i am also in a long distance relationship although i am lucky to see him often or somewhat often it's still hard, sometimes i think the missing is going to make me crazy but when i think of him i remember why i have to keep going strong. But i am happy that we soon are getting married and maybe i will move there to. I just think how am gonna wait i am so excited. Am i the only one crazy enough to start packing weeks in advantage? :blushed: and it's nice with a group like this, so many cute stories to read through and encourageing words. I truly wish the best for all of you.


----------



## koalaroo

Well, I have a certain someone I'm going to meet this summer!


----------



## koalaroo

I don't have a passport yet, but have to get one now!


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

koalaroo said:


> I don't have a passport yet, but have to get one now!


Do it! I got mine for my LDR, but I might not end up using it since he'll be back in the US soon.


----------



## koalaroo

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Do it! I got mine for my LDR, but I might not end up using it since he'll be back in the US soon.


New guy is Canadian, so I have to get a passport to visit him.


----------



## Ace Face

koalaroo said:


> New guy is Canadian, so I have to get a passport to visit him.


Yay for sexy Canadian guys


----------



## koalaroo

Ace Face said:


> Yay for sexy Canadian guys


Have you been to Canada? I haven't read everything in the thread.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

My boyo got Thief today, he was so happy it made my day a bast.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

There is this book that I finished reading days ago about long distance relationships. It's called "How to Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Work and Flourish: A Couple's Guide to Being Apart and Staying Happy"

http://www.amazon.com/Make-Your-Long-Distance-Relationship-Flourish/dp/1601385781

It's the first book I read on this matter and I have to say that I liked it. At first I though it was going to give advice that I already knew but it was a very comforting book to read. It made me feel that it's normal to go through the emotions I sometimes experience. In a LDR there will be high and lows but as long as you keep committed to each other and focus on your goals as a couple everything is going to be fine. It has stories from couples who had successful relationships and others who did not and what they learned from it. It also gives tips about how to make you feel close as a couple while apart, how to solve misunderstandings, how to plan for future meetings, what to do and not to do etc etc. 

There is also this other book I found for LDR couples called "201 Great Discussion Questions For Couples In Long Distance Relationships".

Amazon.com: 201 Great Discussion Questions For Couples In Long Distance Relationships eBook: Lisa McKay, Michael Wolfe: Kindle Store


I think is a great book that helps you learn more about each other. It has questions about your childhood, family, traditions, spirituality, the future, how you handle stress, passions and interests among other things. I think this type of questions are good to discuss when you are apart before committing to something more serious. You can discuss the questions via e-mail, skype or in person. 


There are other books for LDR relationships on Amazon and Barnes & Noble that look interesting. If I find another good book I will let you know.




I don't know if I have posted this here before but I though this was cute. This service collects all the e-mails you have shared between you and your significant order and turns them into a real book about the story of your relationship. I think is a cute idea. Too bad we barely use e-mail to communicate.

Memeoirs: Turn Your Emails into a Book | Home


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Good morning everyone! I couldn't go to work today and I feel like a million bucks. My bf had the day off too so we will have some time for ourselves to catch up with stuff. 

I found free e-books for LDR for those who don't want to spend money on books.

Free E-Books for Long Distance Relationships - LDR Magazine

http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/freeebook.html

More Apps to keep in touch 

14 Best Social Apps For Long Distance Couples - LDR Magazine

This seems to be an inspirational site

LDR Magazine - Advice, Activities & more for Long Distance Relationships

Cute LDR comics

Redheaded & Rad

Activities and Ideas
http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html

Another e-book with questions for couples 

http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/1000questions.html


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Me and my fiancée use Line and I highly recommend it. If you're a gamer Steam or Radicall are the answer. Skype is too heavy and uses too much CPU.


----------



## 33778

@amethyst_butterfly Thank you! you just gave me a lot to read! This is awesome!:happy:


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

You are welcome. I still haven't read those e-books but I hope they are good.


confused girl28 said:


> @_amethyst_butterfly_ Thank you! you just gave me a lot to read! This is awesome!:happy:


----------



## Entropic

Aya Nikopol said:


> Me and my fiancée use Line and I highly recommend it. If you're a gamer Steam or Radicall are the answer. Skype is too heavy and uses too much CPU.


The biggest problem with Skype is that it crashes a lot as a phone app. I use Line to communicate with my order for the game Rage of Bahamut and the stickers are very nice though, and it's free which is also a plus. Line is a bit more bulky than Skype however. Never tried Steam as I could never get the damn thing to work lol. 

There's also Google+ for those who don't want to download anything.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

ephemereality said:


> The biggest problem with Skype is that it crashes a lot as a phone app. I use Line to communicate with my order for the game Rage of Bahamut and the stickers are very nice though, and it's free which is also a plus. Line is a bit more bulky than Skype however. Never tried Steam as I could never get the damn thing to work lol.
> 
> There's also Google+ for those who don't want to download anything.


On the PC is very slow especially if you're playing something.
Steam also has a phone app, it's a bit more problematic than the PC version but both work when I wanna speak with my fiancée.


----------



## Entropic

Aya Nikopol said:


> On the PC is very slow especially if you're playing something.
> Steam also has a phone app, it's a bit more problematic than the PC version but both work when I wanna speak with my fiancée.


You mean Skype or Line? I use both on the PC and none take up any significant amount of resources but then again, I have the best CPU on the market.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

ephemereality said:


> You mean Skype or Line? I use both on the PC and none take up any significant amount of resources but then again, I have the best CPU on the market.


Skype. Then again I don't have a very powerful PC.


----------



## Entropic

Aya Nikopol said:


> Skype. Then again I don't have a very powerful PC.


Yes, Skype is quite taxing though Skype is also known to be buggy as hell and may start taking more resources than it should.


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

We use Google Talk. It's a text and phone program. Voice but no cams, unfortunately.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Haha this made me chuckle. Imagine you and your so taking this bowls to a fancy restaurant. You will pretty much get curious/strange looks from the waiters.

The Anti Loneliness Bowl - LDR Magazine


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

amethyst_butterfly said:


> Haha this made me chuckle. Imagine you and your so taking this bowls to a fancy restaurant. You will pretty much get curious/strange looks from the waiters.
> 
> The Anti Loneliness Bowl - LDR Magazine


Cute though


----------



## Pachacutie

*Have you been in one? If so...
*
Yes, my current relationship (we've lived together for about a year and 3 mos) started out as online/long distance. It's nice to be able to just be around each other and not hang on every word and try to find meaning in it, but I will say we are probably less emotionally vulnerable and open now. We don't need to say things, we just like grunt and look through Netflix only to not be able to find something we can agree on.

*What works, what doesn't? 
*
What works is making sure that the other person is up to speed on what's going on in your life. Keeping them as much a part of what you do and who you are as possible without smothering them. Communication in general, really. Also, having an eventual game plan also really puts things into perspective.

What doesn't work is moving way too fast. I hadn't really been in an online relationship before my boyfriend and he had been in a few so he just took off running once, after 5 mos of just being friends I admit I could possibly have a crush on him. It honestly freaked me out and I had to tell him to kind of cool it down and take it slow. I think if we had rushed it, I probably would've been scared off and not been able to peel back the layers and learn more about him. We took a very long time before meeting and even longer after that to decide if I should move to where he was. We even decided to take a step back when I moved there and make it sort of tentative. I wanted to make sure I was sure about this and he was sure, because sometimes it's hard to establish legitimate trust online. People are fickle and sometimes without face to face communication, it's hard to note when they start losing interest. That's why it's important to communicate. 

Also, keeping your relationship a secret doesn't work. I did it for like a year and a half. I finally told my parents when I decided to visit him (13 hrs away). It felt like a double life, secretive and wrong. I mean, at first it was exciting for it to be a secret only I was aware of...until it got serious. It made me feel a lot of shame. I think it's best to be confident and just let people know once it becomes semi-serious. 

Luckily my parents were pretty supportive. I can understand if someone is in a situation where their parents are not.

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? *

Probably, honestly. I don't know that I'd consider moving to another country for someone if I hadn't really been around them often. Maybe it's just my sp and social anxiety but I like to be sure about what I'm doing and also having an exit strategy. 

*How often did/do you see your partner? *
During that time, we met about a year and a half or two years into the friendship/online relationship and then I visited again six months later. Then I moved. 

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*

Skype for reasons everyone else has stated. We only did video occasionally, but talking really helped our communication. We actually fought a good deal when just chatting. He's IxTJ and I'm INFP. We kind of speak different languages so text was not always great without proper tone. We never did snail mail because I just wanted everything to be private and I lived with my parents but that would've been nice. 

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*

The worst part is the lack of physical contact, for sure but also just not having that one best friend around who can do everything with you and be there for you. 

The best part is the emotional honesty. It's refreshing. I also kind of enjoyed having time to myself more often. 
*
How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
*
I really didn't. Only my best friends and parents knew and I was vague about our situation. Honestly, the only people who know I've moved have been those people or people who found out through my sister, etc. However, when I did tell my parents/sister/friends... nobody was unsupportive or rude. I did have a friend who tried to get bossy about the situation and tell me what to do but I quickly let her know that I knew what I was doing and felt the situation out before entering it. 

*What are some fun things to do?*

I liked just talking the most, but I helped him with his course work sometimes. That was sort of fun. We read Shakespeare to each other for one of his classes and found some cool ways to insult each other. Such as mustachioed purple hued malt worms. Games were fun too, except for the fact that I'm awful at them. We played quite a bit of WoW together. 

It's nice to be on the other side of a LDR now, but there are some nice really romantic things about it. It's so much better than meeting someone at a bar, IMO. You can learn so much about someone before even really being around them and that's kind of amazing. It's truly about who they are.

The only negative with that is that it kind of took the exciting butterflies stage away from us. We kind of fell into that old married couple who yells at kids on their lawn, even though we're 23 and 25. It's cool, though because friendship is what makes relationships.


----------



## Entropic

These phone calls are so damn addictive.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

ephemereality said:


> These phone calls are so damn addictive.


I need to bring my boyo out of his shell and have him do that more often.


----------



## 33778

amethyst_butterfly said:


> Haha this made me chuckle. Imagine you and your so taking this bowls to a fancy restaurant. You will pretty much get curious/strange looks from the waiters.
> 
> The Anti Loneliness Bowl - LDR Magazine


LOL I like it :laughing:


----------



## Vermillion

Aya Nikopol said:


> I need to bring my boyo out of his shell and have him do that more often.


Do that! It's seriously the best feeling ever to just be lying in bed half-asleep and keep going "you're pathetic" "no you are" at each other all the time. Even if it's just a voice, it's very comforting. 

Thank fucking god for telecommunications, really >_>


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Amaterasu said:


> Do that! It's seriously the best feeling ever to just be lying in bed half-asleep and keep going "you're pathetic" "no you are" at each other all the time. Even if it's just a voice, it's very comforting.
> 
> Thank fucking god for telecommunications, really >_>


He's very reserved, I doubt I can move him from that, besides, his family isn't very found if having him wake until late at night for whatever reason...


----------



## Vermillion

Aya Nikopol said:


> He's very reserved, I doubt I can move him from that, besides, his family isn't very found if having him wake until late at night for whatever reason...


Aww, well even the most reserved people just need a little bit of coaxing  
(in my case, several months of coaxing, so don't listen to me unless you have the same horrible doggedness I do)

And yeah I know the feeling. Worst thing ever is when someone walks into my room when I'm having this cute conversation like "wtf are you doing go to sleep now". I was so sad when that happened, can't I at least find my peace in these late night conversations under the stars? (or concrete ceiling, but whatever)

No one understands anything and LDRs suck. Baw.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Amaterasu said:


> Aww, well even the most reserved people just need a little bit of coaxing
> (in my case, several months of coaxing, so don't listen to me unless you have the same horrible doggedness I do)
> 
> And yeah I know the feeling. Worst thing ever is when someone walks into my room when I'm having this cute conversation like "wtf are you doing go to sleep now". I was so sad when that happened, can't I at least find my peace in these late night conversations under the stars? (or concrete ceiling, but whatever)
> 
> No one understands anything and LDRs suck. Baw.


His family is worse than that. If they find him out they might kick him out. It wouldn't be the first time they tired doing so. It's a very complicated situation. None of us can find a job that will pay enough for us to be together (or any job at all), though we really want.
Sometimes I just think I'm going to die without touching his face.


----------



## Vermillion

Aya Nikopol said:


> His family is worse than that. If they find him out they might kick him out. It wouldn't be the first time they tired doing so. It's a very complicated situation. None of us can find a job that will pay enough for us to be together (or any job at all), though we really want.
> Sometimes I just think I'm going to die without touching his face.


Ouch, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was that bad. I won't go out of my way to suggest things because I'm sure they'd just seem trivial if you've already tried everything, but perhaps the best thing to do is to talk about this openly to his family and ascertain if it's worth having their support at all. 

I'm in a sticky situation too, I fear that if I make my relationship with my boyfriend known to my family, I'd be close to disowned, or I might be cut off from him forever. meh. And neither of us is making any money right now either, because I'm studying and he's having issues finding the right job. Kind of a buzzkill. 

But yeah. You won't die without touching his face. Believe in that. The world is not that cruel, and you have time. Good luck to you.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Amaterasu said:


> Ouch, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was that bad. I won't go out of my way to suggest things because I'm sure they'd just seem trivial if you've already tried everything, but perhaps the best thing to do is to talk about this openly to his family and ascertain if it's worth having their support at all.
> 
> I'm in a sticky situation too, I fear that if I make my relationship with my boyfriend known to my family, I'd be close to disowned, or I might be cut off from him forever. meh. And neither of us is making any money right now either, because I'm studying and he's having issues finding the right job. Kind of a buzzkill.
> 
> But yeah. You won't die without touching his face. Believe in that. The world is not that cruel, and you have time. Good luck to you.


Ahhahagahahahahahshsnjdkebshskwn no just no. Even if they spoke English I made very clear that the only person of his family I would talk to is his older brother, not his mother, not his stepfather, not anyone else. They're gigantic assholes and I don't want to go in for murder. His mother especially annoys me, she's this 40 something year old woman who never wanted her middle child and treats him like crap. Everything is his fault. It's snowing? His fault. His younger brother can't count because he's a lazy little fucker? His fault.
He has a great creative mind, but it all reflects the neglect he has suffered. The characters who are adopted by an older brother, who are rejected by society, who are thought of as insane, etc.
He's pretty lonely because he's so closed inside his shell, people used and abused of his skills.
I'm his family, but I'm a family who can do absolutely nothing about it because I have no money. There are no jobs. There is nothing I can do about it.
Disowning him it's something he doesn't care for, once out he's never coming back.


----------



## Vermillion

Aya Nikopol said:


> Ahhahagahahahahahshsnjdkebshskwn no just no. Even if they spoke English I made very clear that the only person of his family I would talk to is his older brother, not his mother, not his stepfather, not anyone else. They're gigantic assholes and I don't want to go in for murder. His mother especially annoys me, she's this 40 something year old woman who never wanted her middle child and treats him like crap. Everything is his fault. It's snowing? His fault. His younger brother can't count because he's a lazy little fucker? His fault.
> He has a great creative mind, but it all reflects the neglect he has suffered. The characters who are adopted by an older brother, who are rejected by society, who are thought of as insane, etc.
> He's pretty lonely because he's so closed inside his shell, people used and abused of his skills.
> I'm his family, but I'm a family who can do absolutely nothing about it because I have no money. There are no jobs. There is nothing I can do about it.
> Disowning him it's something he doesn't care for, once out he's never coming back.


Right. It's terrible how often the people who deserve it the least get the worst forms of treatment. Well, it's great he has you through this difficult situation.

There is always something that can be done about the situation, and I hope you find your solution soon.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Amaterasu said:


> Right. It's terrible how often the people who deserve it the least get the worst forms of treatment. Well, it's great he has you through this difficult situation.
> 
> There is always something that can be done about the situation, and I hope you find your solution soon.


Thanks


----------



## koalaroo

I find it very disheartening when ESTP calls himself stupid.


----------



## Vermillion

I'm going to be super busy for the next few days and I'm not even going to be able to hear his voice. Is this the apocalypse? Damn.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Amaterasu said:


> I'm going to be super busy for the next few days and I'm not even going to be able to hear his voice. Is this the apocalypse? Damn.


I couldn't talk to my bf for 10 days once because he was in training for work. I almost cried when we got to talk again. :X (And it was just IM! :tongue


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Amaterasu said:


> I'm going to be super busy for the next few days and I'm not even going to be able to hear his voice. Is this the apocalypse? Damn.


Last weekend I couldn't speak to my fiancée. Most depressing weekend ever.


----------



## Entropic

Amaterasu said:


> I'm going to be super busy for the next few days and I'm not even going to be able to hear his voice. Is this the apocalypse? Damn.


Yes, yes it is:


----------



## koalaroo

I admit to feeling antsy when I don't get to hear his voice.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

koalaroo said:


> I admit to feeling antsy when I don't get to hear his voice.


I miss my fiancée's voice a lot. I did my best never to forget it by trying to remember it everyday. I have to get in on Steam or Skype again and have us play something. Too bad he refuses to play Serious Sam.


----------



## hauntology

This thread will be my haven now. Thank you, dear goddess Phony.


----------



## phony

HorrorHound said:


> This thread will be my haven now. Thank you, dear goddess Phony.


I feel your pain


----------



## koalaroo

@phony --

OMG @ the sloth images in your sig. Hilarious.


----------



## Entropic

I just love this song so much:


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Woohoo! My bf's timeline jumped ahead about 3 weeks! He'll get back to the US in early May! And now there is a chance I will see him in mid-to-late May!  

Updated the sig.


----------



## phony

koalaroo said:


> @_phony_ --
> 
> OMG @ the sloth images in your sig. Hilarious.


<3


----------



## phony

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Woohoo! My bf's timeline jumped ahead about 3 weeks! He'll get back to the US in early May! And now there is a chance I will see him in mid-to-late May!
> 
> Updated the sig.


dude that is AWESOME YAYYYYY  i'm so happy for you lol i feel like i'm invading your personal space xx


----------



## phony

thought this was funny  it's a lighthearted take on responding to (very real) questions/statements by douchefaces

5 Things People In Distance Relationships Are Tired Of Hearing | Thought Catalog


----------



## Murky Muse

One week until I get to see my boyfriend again. :kitteh:

...Just have to survive midterms first.


----------



## phony

Murky Muse said:


> One week until I get to see my boyfriend again. :kitteh:












Honestly I feel that we should all congratulate people on getting to see their SOs by giving them pervGIFs.


----------



## 33778

phony said:


> thought this was funny  it's a lighthearted take on responding to (very real) questions/statements by douchefaces
> 
> 5 Things People In Distance Relationships Are Tired Of Hearing | Thought Catalog



haha I love this! #4 will be really helpful:laughing:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Well nice. I tried to convince my fiancée to make a small (lel not) trip so we could see each other. He refused. I understand. We don't have much money.


----------



## Murky Muse

phony said:


> Honestly I feel that we should all congratulate people on getting to see their SOs by giving them pervGIFs.


I'm visiting him at his college, which had really strict rules about appropriate behavior. While I'm looking forward to the visit, I dislike those rules. Especially added with the small town, everybody is in everybody's business atmosphere.


----------



## phony

Murky Muse said:


> I'm visiting him at his college, which had really strict rules about appropriate behavior. While I'm looking forward to the visit, I dislike those rules. Especially added with the small town, everybody is in everybody's business atmosphere.


Gags can be fun _and_ practical


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

I went for lunch with my friends today to kinda forget how far I'm from him, but my friends are too far up on their own asses to understand that I need help sometimes.


----------



## Murky Muse

phony said:


> Gags can be fun _and_ practical


Not in a living room with roommates coming and going. And not interested in that stuff anyway.


----------



## Helios

This thread is a gem, thanks @phony!



kaleidoscope said:


> Family.. haven't told them yet, even though I so desperately want to. They're just not that open minded about that sort of thing, and kind of paranoid as well. So I suppose waiting until we meet before telling them is the way to go. I suppose I should put that under the worst parts: having a double life.


This so much. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to break it to the parents, especially since the SO would like to get to know my family and whatnot. Only time will tell. xD


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

In my opinion I think that best thing to do is tell your parents about your relationship. If you are serious about each other and want a future together eventually your parents are going to know anyway. If you hide your relationship for too long is going to be awkward coming up with a story on how you met. If you are from the same country is easy to come up with a white lie but if you are from different countries then your parents are going to be suspicious unless you are a good story teller. I still think that the best thing to do is being honest to your parents. If you are not they may lose their trust on you or feel resentment towards your partner. It's good to have a support system when you are in this type of relationship and is not good to keep these things to yourself because you never know if you need help. In the beginning they may not be comfortable with your relationship and may be concerned but once they know the person your dating and his true intentions they will feel better. 







Helios said:


> This thread is a gem, thanks @_phony_!
> 
> 
> 
> This so much. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to break it to the parents, especially since the SO would like to get to know my family and whatnot. Only time will tell. xD


----------



## Helios

amethyst_butterfly said:


> In my opinion I think that best thing to do is tell your parents about your relationship. If you are serious about each other and want a future together eventually your parents are going to know anyway. If you hide your relationship for too long is going to be awkward coming up with a story on how you met. If you are from the same country is easy to come up with a white lie but if you are from different countries then your parents are going to be suspicious unless you are a good story teller. I still think that the best thing to do is being honest to your parents. If you are not they may lose their trust on you or feel resentment towards your partner. It's good to have a support system when you are in this type of relationship and is not good to keep these things to yourself because you never know if you need help. In the beginning they may not be comfortable with your relationship and may be concerned but once they know the person your dating and his true intentions they will feel better.



I told my mom finally. She took it fairly well. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about my dad.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

So me and my fiancée had a depressive breakdown I'm still recovering from a rather painful period and my insecurity doesn't help. He hates when I express it and even makes him angry. I can understand.
We got angry, he very much regrets it and apologizes so much... I couldn't take it. He's my Sun and stars, the light of my life.
My insecurity attacked again today because people liked one of my drawings more than his. I want it stop, he wants me glad. I feel it's unfair. He works do hard. He needs someone to like his drawings.
Still, he's my senpai. The best there is!


----------



## Entropic

Aya Nikopol said:


> So me and my fiancée had a depressive breakdown I'm still recovering from a rather painful period and my insecurity doesn't help. He hates when I express it and even makes him angry. I can understand.
> We got angry, he very much regrets it and apologizes so much... I couldn't take it. He's my Sun and stars, the light of my life.
> My insecurity attacked again today because people liked one of my drawings more than his. I want it stop, he wants me glad. I feel it's unfair. He works do hard. He needs someone to like his drawings.
> Still, he's my senpai. The best there is!


I think the worst thing you can do as partners is to compare yourself to each other like you're in some kind of competition. Just like with everyone else, we can't always be equals in everything and it's not the end of the world if we're not with our partners either. Yes, it sucks especially if people around us point out that stuff, which is why I think it's good sometimes to not share too many hobbies where measured skill is involved because people are dumb and don't think about what they say.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

ephemereality said:


> I think the worst thing you can do as partners is to compare yourself to each other like you're in some kind of competition. Just like with everyone else, we can't always be equals in everything and it's not the end of the world if we're not with our partners either. Yes, it sucks especially if people around us point out that stuff, which is why I think it's good sometimes to not share too many hobbies where measured skill is involved because people are dumb and don't think about what they say.


Yes, I should not let my insecurity attack me so often.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Perhaps you should tell your mom to tell your dad instead of you. I never told my dad directly, once I told mom and gave all the details about my bf I knew she was going to let him know anyway cause she tells him everything. It's easier to talk with mothers about this kind of things because fathers are usually jealous and overprotective plus his biggest concern must be that you are not involving yourself with someone who wants to do you harm. After my father met my bf he felt more comfortable with my relationship. It's scary but you have to take this risks to give peace of mind to yourself and your loved ones even if you are an adult. It's not healthy to be secretive about your relationship. It's normal to want to be protective of it with some people but I feel that you have to be honest with family and talk about who are you dating. 




Helios said:


> I told my mom finally. She took it fairly well. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about my dad.


----------



## Helios

amethyst_butterfly said:


> Perhaps you should tell your mom to tell your dad instead of you. I never told my dad directly, once I told mom and gave all the details about my bf I knew she was going to let him know anyway cause she tells him everything. It's easier to talk with mothers about this kind of things because fathers are usually jealous and overprotective plus his biggest concern must be that you are not involving yourself with someone who wants to do you harm. After my father met my bf he felt more comfortable with my relationship. It's scary but you have to take this risks to give peace of mind to yourself and your loved ones even if you are an adult. It's not healthy to be secretive about your relationship. It's normal to want to be protective of it with some people but I feel that you have to be honest with family and talk about who are you dating.


My parents are divorced and don't really talk much these days, haha. I doubt that would work out.


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Helios said:


> My parents are divorced and don't really talk much these days, haha. I doubt that would work out.


Oh ok then in that case is best to talk with him when you feel more comfortable. At least your mom knows about it which makes you feel better.


----------



## Devrim

All my closest friends and family now know about me and my SO,
I'm really quite happy,
And I've begun bridging him into my life,
More and more,
As he has with me,
It hasn't always been easy,
But 8 months later and It's going as strong,
If not stronger than when we first got this going


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

A friend of mine had been helping me feel more confident about myself. Now I feel closer to my fiancée than I ever did.


----------



## Entropic

Cobalt Blue said:


> Aw, I apologize if that came out wrong. I was referring the paranoid part to me, not you. That's what it's like for me. You just reminded me of situation I am dealing with right now, not saying that you have exactly same issue.
> 
> I do have those concerns, but not in a way that it will make the feelings less worthy, more troubling, or something with that notion. I just think cross-cultural will expose me to culture-sensitive issues, small matters that people of same culture won't notice. Most people don't have same experience, so it's like you create your own path and it's new one since you can't ask for direction to other person.
> 
> Each relationship will go through adaptation phase though, cross-cultural or not, so it's essentially same. Cross-cultural relationships just need to deal with culture-sensitive issues - in higher amount.
> 
> Nevertheless, I think about it because I still can't estimate our ability to deal with cultural issues on the field. It's easier for me to understand his culture situation due to high access, but that's not the case for him to understand mine. I just hate the thoughts of him putting so much efforts to bridge the gap.
> 
> I think it'll be easier once I meet him in person, in same place, since we aren't talking from our each cultural situation anymore.


I understand that they are your issues but you projected them on me assuming that I share them because you think our situation is similar. That's my issue.


----------



## Ace Face

Ugh, it's been a rough three days :/ I miss my baby so much.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Ace Face said:


> Ugh, it's been a rough three days :/ I miss my baby so much.


Hang in there...


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

'i wrote we know eaxh other for a few years, that we are planning to meet, but we both dont know if its going to work, but that i really want to be with you..etc'

He had to write about his relationships and this what he wrote about me. Made my day.


----------



## phony

Ace Face said:


> Ugh, it's been a rough three days :/ I miss my baby so much.


HUGS. Here have some non-HD inspirational tumblr cheesesap <333


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

I was listening to him singing and playing guitar today. I quite missed it.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

I wish I could see my bf in about a week like my sig says, but unfortunately, he'll still be 2,700 miles away at that time. He'll just be in the same country. Better distance than before, but still not great.


----------



## Out0fAmmo

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> I wish I could see my bf in about a week like my sig says, but unfortunately, he'll still be 2,700 miles away at that time. He'll just be in the same country. Better distance than before, but still not great.


But it'll be cheaper and easier for us to see each other until we can finally close the distance and live in the same town :happy:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

I feel so frustrated.


----------



## yet another intj

Aya the Whaler said:


> I was listening to him singing and playing guitar today. I quite missed it.


"_LDR... Singing... Playing guitar... Missed it... Hmmm... It must be a band that split up lately and this must be the support group for it's fans. I should start one for Mars Volta._"

Then... Suddenly:










I will never randomly read your "latest posts" again.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

yet another intj said:


> "_LDR... Singing... Playing guitar... Missed it... Hmmm... It must be a band that split up lately and this must be the support group for it's fans. I should start one for Mars Volta._"
> 
> Then... Suddenly:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I will never randomly read your "latest posts" again.


Sorry man, I wish this was a support group for people who only found out The Mars Volta after they slip up.


----------



## Entropic

yet another intj said:


> "_LDR... Singing... Playing guitar... Missed it... Hmmm... It must be a band that split up lately and this must be the support group for it's fans. I should start one for Mars Volta._"
> 
> Then... Suddenly:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I will never randomly read your "latest posts" again.


Inferior Se strikes again? I love this shit.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Woohoo! He's back in the US and we just had our first phone-to-phone text! :happy: This is actually a huge step for us, as before it was usually computer-to-phone, and only sometimes phone-to-computer. :O


----------



## Lemxn

I miss you, I am already hanging out for the past months, but you are seriously gone now and waiting another year without knowing ANYTHING about you scares me as shit. I love you with all my heart and I love how the world bring us together but hate how they take you away from me like that.

Hang in there because I will be here.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Lemxn said:


> I miss you, I am already hanging out for the past months, but you are seriously gone now and waiting another year without knowing ANYTHING about you scares me as shit. I love you with all my heart and I love how the world bring us together but hate how they take you away from me like that.
> 
> Hang in there because I will be here.


Is your guy in the military?


----------



## Helios

So I just bought my ticket to go see my significant other in a little over two weeks. Wish me luck!


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Depressed.


----------



## Ace Face

Helios said:


> So I just bought my ticket to go see my significant other in a little over two weeks. Wish me luck!


Best of luck to you, my sweet


----------



## Ace Face

I'm so damn done with the distance making us feel stuck. @Cover3, we're doing something about this ASAP. Put your extra spare time to good use, dude. Let's solidify a fucking plan here.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Ace Face said:


> I'm so damn done with the distance making us feel stuck. @Cover3, we're doing something about this ASAP. Put your extra spare time to good use, dude. Let's solidify a fucking plan here.


All of this.


----------



## Morfy

I guess I have to start working more from now on :')


----------



## phony

Hoping to turn this LDR into just R by October. Fingers crossed!


----------



## phony

Ah also, I feel so much better now that we've booked a flight for him to come visit. I hate that feeling of "when am I going to see him next so sadz..."  COME HERE FASTER JULY!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

phony said:


> Hoping to turn this LDR into just R by October. Fingers crossed!


Good luck, gurl!


----------



## Helios

I didn't realize how hard it would be to leave after getting to see my SO in person for a bit. I'm just not sure when we'll be together again.


----------



## koalaroo

And, ESTP and I are on a break, so that may be the end of this tempestuous relationship.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

koalaroo said:


> And, ESTP and I are on a break, so that may be the end of this tempestuous relationship.












Sorry.


----------



## koalaroo

Aya the Whaler said:


> Sorry.


Thanks, although I actually feel kind of relieved. It was a very hot-and-cold kind of relationship.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

koalaroo said:


> Thanks, although I actually feel kind of relieved. It was a very hot-and-cold kind of relationship.


I can understand what you mean. Maybe it's better like this. I wouldn't know what would happen to me if I had to break up now... I would probably be heartbroken.


----------



## koalaroo

Aya the Whaler said:


> I can understand what you mean. Maybe it's better like this. I wouldn't know what would happen to me if I had to break up now... I would probably be heartbroken.


We're giving it a week, and at the end of the week I'm strongly considering leaving him on ignore on everything. His attention is either hyper focused on me, or he ignores me. I don't like either extreme.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

koalaroo said:


> We're giving it a week, and at the end of the week I'm strongly considering leaving him on ignore on everything. His attention is either hyper focused on me, or he ignores me. I don't like either extreme.


That's very... ...unhealthy. I really don't like when people do that, it plays with my sanity.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Apparently there is talk of my boss's boss's boss shortening my previously approved vacation time to visit @Out0fAmmo, even though I already have tickets. I feel sick just thinking about it. What a terrible place I work! And it's all because the people in my department are completely misaligned and frankly suck at managing! Why should I have to be punished for their poor managing abilities?!


----------



## koalaroo

Aya the Whaler said:


> That's very... ...unhealthy. I really don't like when people do that, it plays with my sanity.


The more I think about it, the more I realize he has quite a few narcissistic traits. I don't feel like dealing with that shit ever again. I think it's a week, and then bye-bye forever.


----------



## phony

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Apparently there is talk of my boss's boss's boss shortening my previously approved vacation time to visit @_Out0fAmmo_, even though I already have tickets. I feel sick just thinking about it. What a terrible place I work! And it's all because the people in my department are completely misaligned and frankly suck at managing! Why should I have to be punished for their poor managing abilities?!


NOOOOO  Can they even do that??


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

koalaroo said:


> The more I think about it, the more I realize he has quite a few narcissistic traits. I don't feel like dealing with that shit ever again. I think it's a week, and then bye-bye forever.


I understand... I think you should do what's right for you.


----------



## koalaroo

Aya the Whaler said:


> I understand... I think you should do what's right for you.


I don't know if I should wait til the week is out, or just give up on the week break and tell him outright.


----------



## Ace Face

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Apparently there is talk of my boss's boss's boss shortening my previously approved vacation time to visit @_Out0fAmmo_, even though I already have tickets. I feel sick just thinking about it. What a terrible place I work! And it's all because the people in my department are completely misaligned and frankly suck at managing! Why should I have to be punished for their poor managing abilities?!


Woah... there should be some way to fight that. Do you guys have a union? Something...? ._. I would be looking up every labor law in the state to see if there's some angle at which you can manipulate/threaten these bozos. Is there documented proof that you were approved for all of those days off? If so, that's a good starting point. But yeah, don't take this lying down. Fight back on this one. This shit is important.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

phony said:


> NOOOOO  Can they even do that??





Ace Face said:


> Woah... there should be some way to fight that. Do you guys have a union? Something...? ._. I would be looking up every labor law in the state to see if there's some angle at which you can manipulate/threaten these bozos. Is there documented proof that you were approved for all of those days off? If so, that's a good starting point. But yeah, don't take this lying down. Fight back on this one. This shit is important.


Thanks for the support, guys.  Yeah, I sent my supervisor my (non-refundable, obvs) itinerary, and thankfully today he said that he didn't have the meeting with the upper boss and "just go on vacation". Phew! I'm in the airport now. :happy: I was sooo nervous yesterday. I stayed up until 6am packing, as well as researching all of the horror stories of this type of thing happening online, so I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway. And I thought my boyfriend was the one with the demanding job, being in the military!


----------



## Sina

d'awww i am subscribing to this thread.<3
@koalaroo

Good riddance. I knew from your posts on the 8 forum recently that he wasn't worth it. I'd say leave him at your earliest convenience.


----------



## Out0fAmmo

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Thanks for the support, guys.  Yeah, I sent my supervisor my (non-refundable, obvs) itinerary, and thankfully today he said that he didn't have the meeting with the upper boss and "just go on vacation". Phew! I'm in the airport now. :happy: I was sooo nervous yesterday. I stayed up until 6am packing, as well as researching all of the horror stories of this type of thing happening online, so I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway. And I thought my boyfriend was the one with the demanding job, being in the military!


I told you it'd work out :wink:. Can't wait to see you! :happy:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

koalaroo said:


> I don't know if I should wait til the week is out, or just give up on the week break and tell him outright.


Do what you feel it's right. Do you want to get rid of this weight right away or you don't want to hurt him?


----------



## Out0fAmmo

Update: @MBTI Enthusiast and I have reunited. It's going really well :kitteh:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Out0fAmmo said:


> Update: @_MBTI Enthusiast_ and I have reunited. It's going really well :kitteh:


Congrats you two!


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

I sympathize with this because I go through the same thing at work. Every time I ask for a day off or vacations there is always conflict with my supervisor simply because she doesn't want me to be absent and doesn't want to cover for me because she is lazy. Before I started the job she was the one responsible for the tasks I do now but ever since she got the supervisor tittle she has turned into a slob and does nothing. 

I am entitled to divide my vacations so I can take them at different times of the year but she does not allow it so I have to take them all at once which doesn't make sense to me. I spoke to an union delegate about the situation and he told me he was going to speak to human resources about this. Months have passed and he hasn't done shit. This is an union that takes money from every paycheck I earn and is supposed to help me. If I were able to fraction my vacations then it would be easier to see my boyfriend but since I can't we have to squeeze visits between short holidays (thanksgiving, new years, easter) that last few days and can be expensive. At least we are going to spend more time during this summer which are my official vacations.

Last time when I was going to to visit my b.f she wanted to sabotage my trip. I carefully planned my trip during the easter holidays so that it wouldn't interfere with work and spoke with human resources before purchasing my flight tickets to check if we were going to get those days off. Days before the trip the supervisor told me there was a possibility I had to work in one of those holidays because an official announcement wasn't posted on the bulletin board by human resources stating that the days were off. I checked with human resources beforehand and those days were officially off for everyone but the supervisor still didn't believe me and I had to go back to H&R and ask the director to confirm once again. :rolls eyes:. 

I can't wait to get out of this crazy place lol.

I am glad you were able to solve the conflict with your boss.





MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Apparently there is talk of my boss's boss's boss shortening my previously approved vacation time to visit @_Out0fAmmo_, even though I already have tickets. I feel sick just thinking about it. What a terrible place I work! And it's all because the people in my department are completely misaligned and frankly suck at managing! Why should I have to be punished for their poor managing abilities?!


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

Oh yesterday I checked with my credit card company to see it's possible to use my reward points to pay for the flight tickets I purchased two months ago and it is! So for those of you who have purchased airline tickets or other travel expenses with your credit card and have a lot of points accumulated you should check with your credit card company cause it could save you money.


----------



## ENTJudgement

From what I've noticed in LDRs is that the pursuer usually gets insecure really fast and the settler or the one who is less in love controls the entire LDR.

I also feel that having things in common is vital here, in close distance relationships you can get by with "opposites attract" but in LDRs that translates to stale conversations and staggering relationship growth.

Web camming is crucial, if the both of you are open to technology, you could actually prepare a meal together and do all sorts of things together. (4G with smart phone while cooking and doing other things on ooVoo or Skype etc... actually works pretty well)

Now you can take it up a notch and go for a walk together, shop together etc... and even travel together but the one downside is that everyone else will think you're nuts lol, but seriously this actually works so well if you can get over the judgement from others.

Talking about the future is so important, make future plans, make everything present and future oriented.

Camming in bed works well too.

Just my 2 cents on LDRs.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Termus123 said:


> From what I've noticed in LDRs is that the pursuer usually gets insecure really fast and the settler or the one who is less in love controls the entire LDR.
> 
> I also feel that having things in common is vital here, in close distance relationships you can get by with "opposites attract" but in LDRs that translates to stale conversations and staggering relationship growth.
> 
> Web camming is crucial, if the both of you are open to technology, you could actually prepare a meal together and do all sorts of things together. (4G with smart phone while cooking and doing other things on ooVoo or Skype etc... actually works pretty well)
> 
> Now you can take it up a notch and go for a walk together, shop together etc... and even travel together but the one downside is that everyone else will think you're nuts lol, but seriously this actually works so well if you can get over the judgement from others.
> 
> Talking about the future is so important, make future plans, make everything present and future oriented.
> 
> Camming in bed works well too.
> 
> Just my 2 cents on LDRs.


I can't go to the extremes but I usually voice chat with my fiancée while cooking. I usually play around and say I'm cooking for him.


----------



## Morfy

I hope I don't die of a heart attack when I meet my gf for the first time ;x


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfy McHetero said:


> I hope I don't die of a heart attack when I meet my gf for the first time ;x


^^^^^^^^^


----------



## Lemxn

Morfy McHetero said:


> I hope I don't die of a heart attack when I meet my gf for the first time ;x


You will be fine! Enjoy it and don't worry about it.:wink:


----------



## cityofcircuits

Guess what everyone.....

I'm going to see my gorgeousness aka @Lacryma Thursday....

Can't fricken wait! Guyzzzz....is this really happening?!


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

What's that you say? The first leg of my flight is delayed causing me to miss my second leg? You have to reschedule my flight? Oh, and you don't have another flight until the same time tomorrow? I have to miss another day of work as I spend another day with the wonderful @Out0fAmmo?

Well, I _guess_... twist my arm. :wink:


----------



## phony

Countdown to Fucktown

17 days<3


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

I'm envious of all you counting the days...


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

3 days left until I see @searcheagle and today I just accepted a job offer that is 1hr away from my bf! Yay so next month we will be closing the distance. I am freaking out inside AAAAAAHHH. I can't still believe it. I am happy but very anxious lol. roud:


----------



## ForsakenMe

I know it's a while from now, but I hope you still love me and still hold on to what we have.
I know I'm insufferable, and I know I live far..
But please know how much you mean to me. I can't live without you.


----------



## phony

amethyst_butterfly said:


> 3 days left until I see @_searcheagle_ and today I just accepted a job offer that is 1hr away from my bf! Yay so next month we will be closing the distance. I am freaking out inside AAAAAAHHH. I can't still believe it. I am happy but very anxious lol. roud:





















OHMYGODDDD. So happy for you<333


----------



## Lemxn

The awkward moment when even the LDR group depress you:laughing:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Lemxn said:


> The awkward moment when even the LDR group depress you:laughing:


Tell me about it...


----------



## 33778

So, my boyfriend and I had to change the date for our next meeting. It was going to happen next January but due to important things (good things) going on here we´re meeting next February instead.
It made me really sad/angry having to change the date for the meeting and it took me a while to finally accept things.

But there is a good side in this story (yeah well I am dating an enneagram type 9 so I am obligated to see the bright side in every situation lol ok I am joking! not really lol) we are going to spend the entire month together instead of just ten days!!! That is awesome and keeps me excited and happy and excited! lol

And, that is not all. We´re spending about two weeks togeher just the two of us and then we´re going to invite my little girl (she is 9 years old) to spend the rest of the month with us.

It is too soon you think? Maybe, I don´t know, I have been thinking a lot about this and I mean a lot and I think it is time.
My SO and I have been together for almost two years now, we have plans for a future together and I really am curious and want to see how they both interact and if they get along well and all that. Besides, He will be introduced as a friend, though my girl is not stupid, I am sure she will percieve something but I am ready to answer the questions after.

I know this situation makes my boyfriend a bit anxious (he tries to act cool but I know him better than that lol) but I think we all are ready for this. I will keep my fingers crossed anyway, just in case!:tongue:


For all of you counting days and for those who are together already, I can´t even say how happy I am for you guys! Enjoy! enjoy! enjoy! And don´t miss a single opportunity to tell your loved one how much you love them.
And for all of you waiting, please don´t lose hope!:happy:


----------



## Ace Face

KindOfBlue06 said:


> So happy and excited for you Ace!  I wish you two the loveliest of moments together. <3


Thanks, man  We'll probably try to get online for the weekend chat or something. I haven't done the weekend chat in ages. I need my bros and hoes fix, yo  And he really likes you guys, so I'm thinking this is pretty much a done deal as far as this weekend is concerned <3


----------



## 7rr7s

Ace Face said:


> Thanks, man  We'll probably try to get online for the weekend chat or something. I haven't done the weekend chat in ages. I need my bros and hoes fix, yo  And he really likes you guys, so I'm thinking this is pretty much a done deal as far as this weekend is concerned <3


I don;t know if I'll be around for the chat, but I know you two will be absolutely smashing in it. All the best and more to you both. <3


----------



## cityofcircuits

Guuuuuuuuuuyyyyyzzzzzz
Had the best week of my life!
Yes. My life.:crazy:
I really can't think of anything else that could top it.
As some of you may or may not know, I finally met @Lacryma and we spent a whole whopping week together!
Did this really happen? Was I dreaming or something?
I'm still glowing, I'm still neon in the eyes.

Here's me:


----------



## phony

1 more week to go!  time flies when we have plane tickets bought hahah


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

You lucky bastards : D


----------



## Fern

Seriously. My significant other has only been gone a little over two months and I'm already losing it.

How do you do it?


----------



## phony

Fern said:


> Seriously. My significant other has only been gone a little over two months and I'm already losing it.
> 
> How do you do it?


- Talk on skype
- Video on skype
- Sleep on skype
- Phone sex
- Nekkid on skype
- Watching 6 seasons of LOST together
- And other shows
- Good communication
- Making time for each other but also have our own thing going on (i.e. distractions)
- Make lists of stuff we want to do / places we want to go / food we want to cook / positions we want to try
- Buying tickets / having a set date to meet up keeps us going!
AND support from this group  Even when we know we can't see each other for a while due to whatever, it's nice to see that other people can make it work. I feel like, "yes!! if acefacemcmbtienthusiast can do it, so can I!!"


----------



## Fern

phony said:


> - Talk on skype
> - Video on skype
> - Sleep on skype
> - Phone sex
> - Nekkid on skype
> - Watching 6 seasons of LOST together
> - And other shows
> - Good communication
> - Making time for each other but also have our own thing going on (i.e. distractions)
> - Make lists of stuff we want to do / places we want to go / food we want to cook / positions we want to try
> - Buying tickets / having a set date to meet up keeps us going!
> AND support from this group  Even when we know we can't see each other for a while due to whatever, it's nice to see that other people can make it work. I feel like, "yes!! if acefacemcmbtienthusiast can do it, so can I!!"


He works 10am to 1am seven days a week  He doesn't have the time or energy to do that stuff... even the sexy times! 

But I'll store this away in mah brain parts for future reference!

*He's just away for work and will be back in a month


----------



## kaleidoscope

My own countdown: 7 weeks to go!



phony said:


> - Talk on skype
> - Video on skype
> - Sleep on skype
> - Phone sex
> - Nekkid on skype


I'll finally be able to do all of that when I travel for my masters v. soon OHYEAHH

(it is a bit sad that I'm excited about this stuff i think it is)


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

kaleidoscope said:


> My own countdown: 7 weeks to go!
> 
> I'll finally be able to do all of that when I travel for my masters v. soon OHYEAHH
> 
> (it is a bit sad that I'm excited about this stuff i think it is)


I don't think it's sad. @Out0fAmmo and I were very excited for him to get out of Africa and have a decent internet signal again, just so we could Skype. When the call drops all the time and your SO looks like a pixelly blob, it's hard to get that mergy feeling. I just love those moments when we're staring at each other on Skype, and we feel transported into our own little bubble. We can't look away, nor would we want to, and I can just see how much he loves me in his eyes and soft smile. :kitteh:


----------



## Out0fAmmo

Fern said:


> Seriously. My significant other has only been gone a little over two months and I'm already losing it.
> 
> How do you do it?


It never gets easy, but when you know you're meant to be with your SO, you can last through any length of time as long as you're guaranteed to be reunited. @MBTI Enthusiast and I had an 18-month gap between our visits, which were only 2 weeks each. We just spend as much time online together as we can. It's also helps to have things to occupy your time, like hobbies (outside of work/school).


----------



## Fern

Out0fAmmo said:


> It never gets easy, but when you know you're meant to be with your SO, you can last through any length of time as long as you're guaranteed to be reunited. @_MBTI Enthusiast_ and I had an 18-month gap between our visits, which were only 2 weeks each. We just spend as much time online together as we can. It's also helps to have things to occupy your time, like hobbies (outside of work/school).


Awh  that is so sweet!

Yesterday was particularly bad (the longing waxes and wanes, ya know?), but today I just feel so blessed he's in my life and love sending him gifs and pictures so he can wake up to them and smile, treasure the time we do get to talk (though it's about 30 minutes a day), and remember the past fondly.

And when we're reunited, I think about how we'll have the deepest most passionate kisses and have so much to talk about!


Y'all LDR people are really helpful and supportive and I appreciate it very much.


----------



## Nyarlathothep

I didn't read the whole thread (Quite long Lol), but I do have a question, I wonder if it has been asked before.
For the couples who met through internet, and then met irl, was the person exactly like you thought they would be? Or did it happen before that they were different, and you were disappointed and all? Were you scared your SO may be disappointed/surprised by some things?


----------



## phony

Nyarlathothep said:


> I didn't read the whole thread (Quite long Lol), but I do have a question, I wonder if it has been asked before.
> For the couples who met through internet, and then met irl, was the person exactly like you thought they would be? Or did it happen before that they were different, and you were disappointed and all? Were you scared your SO may be disappointed/surprised by some things?


We were talking everyday for 4ish months before we met IRL so we really got to know each other. He was preeeetty much exactly like I thought he'd be like, better in fact! It was awkward/scary for me for the first 5 minutes (not having a screen between us was W E I R D lol) but by the end of it I just wanted him to stay forever. 

I was surprised that he was so tall, even though I knew how tall he was hahah.


----------



## ForsakenMe

Nyarlathothep said:


> I didn't read the whole thread (Quite long Lol), but I do have a question, I wonder if it has been asked before.
> For the couples who met through internet, and then met irl, was the person exactly like you thought they would be? Or did it happen before that they were different, and you were disappointed and all? Were you scared your SO may be disappointed/surprised by some things?


When I met @Pom87 for the first time irl last summer, I'll admit, I was absolutely stunned by how attractive he is. I couldn't help but hug him straight away, which lead me to realize that _dear god I'm touching him I'm touching him I'm actually touching him_ and had a nervous breakdown. It was so romantic, James Cameron would have cried.

The only thing that was different was his mannerism. He was more serious online, but offline he is a total goof ball. But I love him all the more for it. He's multi-faceted and no longer just a vision on the computer screen. He's real and he's amazing for it.

I was afraid, of course, that for some reason or another, he would be disappointed by me. I think it was hard for him to come to my country and experience our culture, mainly by how friendly and simple we are compared to European standards. It did hurt a little, but he refused to leave me over that. I'm glad for that.

The good news is that he will visit me for a couple of weeks sometime this September. :crazy: And then I'll go over there in Europe this December, and it'll be the best thing to ever happen to us... because, well, let me put it this way: It'll be a one-way ticket. :wink:


----------



## StaceofBass

ForsakenMe said:


> And then I'll go over there in Europe this December, and it'll be the best thing to ever happen to us... because, well, let me put it this way: *It'll be a one-way ticket.* :wink:


Congratulations! <3 Seriously so happy for you that I kind of want to cry. <3


----------



## ForsakenMe

StaceofBass said:


> Congratulations! <3 Seriously so happy for you that I kind of want to cry. <3


Love is worth any distance! 
Thank you very much. <3


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

@ForsakenMe

Congrats! I wish luck to you and your loved one!


----------



## ForsakenMe

Aya the Whaler said:


> @ForsakenMe
> 
> Congrats! I wish luck to you and your loved one!


I am so gracious for all the loving support here. :blushed: Thank you so much!


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

ForsakenMe said:


> I am so gracious for all the loving support here. :blushed: Thank you so much!


You're most welcome!


----------



## 33778

I meant to write in this thread for a while but didn´t have the time. Let´s do it now before it gets busy over here again....



Nyarlathothep said:


> I didn't read the whole thread (Quite long Lol), but I do have a question, I wonder if it has been asked before.
> For the couples who met through internet, and then met irl, was the person exactly like you thought they would be? Or did it happen before that they were different, and you were disappointed and all? Were you scared your SO may be disappointed/surprised by some things?


My SO and I dated for more than a year online before we met irl. We talked every day (not on the phone but on Gtalk and we skyped too) we spent as much time as we could together, we knew each other´s well so there was no surprise about the way we looked and all. The surprise was though how quick we clicked and were in tune with each other.
I thought it was going to take longer to feel comfortable around him but he gave me a hug as soon as he saw me and then when we got in the taxi, leaving the airport, he rested his head on my shoulder and that was it! I knew everything was going to be ok.

I was scared before he got here, I am an insecure person, and so I was a bit anxious because I didn´t want to disappoint him so that moment in the taxi was really important to me, I´ve got the reassurance that I needed it.
Then there were other fears because we went from having an online relationship to live together for ten days and I wasn´t sure how he would react to my quirks and stuff like that. 

Everything went out fine, it was an awesome experience and I am happy I conquered my fears and met him, it made me truly happy.




phony said:


> I was surprised that he was so tall, even though I knew how tall he was hahah.


hahahaha the same happened to me!


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Let me just tell you... long distance pregnancy scares are *THE WORST!!*


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Let me just tell you... long distance pregnancy scares are *THE WORST!!*


Hang in there! D:


----------



## knife

So @Daleks_exterminate and me have been discussing, for some time, the possibility of a relationship. Which, given the way we feel about each other, and how many other posters have told us in some form or another to go for it, makes a lot of sense.

The problem is that we live 1100 miles from each other, so, uh, yeah, I was kind of hoping this would be awesome and stuff, but really I just wanted to post this...


----------



## Ace Face

hammersklavier said:


> So @Daleks_exterminate and me have been discussing, for some time, the possibility of a relationship. Which, given the way we feel about each other, and how many other posters have told us in some form or another to go for it, makes a lot of sense.
> 
> The problem is that we live 1100 miles from each other, so, uh, yeah, I was kind of hoping this would be awesome and stuff, but really I just wanted to post this...


My partner and I live that far away from each other... for now


----------



## searcheagle

Ace Face said:


> My partner and I live that far away from each other... for now


So does mine. For another 2 weeks


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Luckies. Mine's still at 2700 miles, unfortunately.

The weird/sad part is our schedules were more in sync when he was overseas (9 hour time difference) rather than now with 3 hour time difference. :tongue: Now we only get about an hour of skype time per day max, whereas before we could get in around 4 hours per day.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

I don't even want to count the distance.


----------



## Sweetness394

*Have you been in one?*
Yep.. In fact, I've had more LDRs than traditional relationshipsxD

*What works, what doesn't? *
What doesn't work??... hmmm insecurities just won't work in the picture of an LDR...I think that if your foundation is strong then a couple might even be able to lighten up on communication without it damaging what they have (for instance I'm currently in a country where I can't use my phone like I used to and Skype is hard to use because of the quality of the internet.. and I'm doing just fine with the LDR--as is he). 

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?* 
Depends on the person.. I'm not going to sit here and act like I could personally date someone out of the country with no chance of seeing them in the near future and on a more regular basis. Some people can hold out on contact for years but I personally cannot lol. However, the closer me and the other person are in distance, the longer I can wait for a resolution (because I would probably be able to see them more).

*How often did/do you see your partner?* 
Rarely, but since I'm moving kinda? close to him in the next 30ish days I'll probably see him 2 -4 times a month which is PERFECT for me (I'm not someone who needs to see a SO every day... it ain't that serious lol)

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
Skype for sure. I can get 3 o the 5 senses that way (hearing and seeing), where as mail...well maybe I can get smell? And of course Skype is quicker (but honestly I like a mix of both mail and Skype). 

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR?* 
As a touchy feely type of girl, not being about to touch him makes the heart sad :/.. On top of that, not being able to steal a bite of food off his plate when he's not looking, or smelling him (does that sound creepy?), or like... being able to wake up and play video games in my pjs with a bowl of cereal..OR being able to pick out the clothing he buys when he goes shopping (because other wise he can tend not to give a shit)..you know, just the normal stuff..
Note: I've been in LDRs with other people and in a previous one, the most challenging part was dating someone with insecurities. No matter what I did they were paranoid and thinking that I was doing something behind their back...So aside from general stuff like not being able to touch, or the distance, insecurities being heightened would be a huge challenge/deal breaker for me.

*The best part?*
You learn how to be more patient (if you weren't before), when you are in person you two aren't arguing over stupid bs because you realize how precious the time is that you have. Uhmmm... other than that? I would say that the biggest thing that as the opportunity to improve is communication and trust (for obvious reasons). 

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
Tbh, most people don't know... And idk what I would even call this thing that I have with this person, (we were kinda in limbo trying to figure out if having a relationship is right for us atm what with it being a LDR).. But that is likely to change seeing as how my work has me moving like an hour and some change away from him

*What are some fun things to do?*
Pretty much the same as other people have said, Skype, movies, games, sometimes we watch tournaments or like a video game stream (dorky I know)..Oh and I send him treats because it's always fun to send him things to eat and watch him eat them over Skype ^^


----------



## Ace Face

@Cover3 and I have been pigging out on some serious American junk food. Cookie dough ice cream and birthday cake ice cream will surely be the death of us... but what a delicious and most decadent death it will be <3 *jizz*


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

My fiancée has been out for two days in a con selling stuff. He's coming back this evening.
I missed him so much I started to sketching his face.


----------



## searcheagle

I am so excited! :happy: Tomorrow is the day that my girlfriend is moving near me. Our year and a half Long Distance Relationship transforms to a standard relationship. :happy: Tomorrow will be an exhausting moving day, but it will be completely worth it!


----------



## amethyst_butterfly

searcheagle said:


> I am so excited! :happy: Tomorrow is the day that my girlfriend is moving near me. Our year and a half Long Distance Relationship transforms to a standard relationship. :happy: Tomorrow will be an exhausting moving day, but it will be completely worth it!


Love you


----------



## searcheagle

amethyst_butterfly said:


> Love you


Love you! Can't wait until our dates change from like 3 times a year to like 3 times a day!


----------



## Out0fAmmo

Congrats, @searcheagle and @amethyst_butterfly! @MBTI Enthusiast and I are eagerly looking forward to our permanent reunion as well, but we still have some key details to work out. I'm glad it worked out for you two :happy:


----------



## Nyarlathothep

Well, my SO lives pretty far from me (We met on another forum), and at first he didn't want to accept me because he fears I may be disappointed in his real self (He's been rejected by another girl he met through internet and then irl, so he's pretty insecure). Now, he works a lot, and I have the hope that maybe his goal would be to come to me someday.
I asked the questions I did few pages back because I'm trying to guess how it'd be the day we meet, if it happens xD


----------



## theflame

Aw I just saw this thread! Things didn't work out with my LDR, but I'm writing a book about my LDR experience to give what my LDR was a proper dedication. He was the sweetest guy when he used to make time talking to me morning noon and night no matter how far he was. It's just that we're not in a good situation right now to see each other so I have to forget about him. I hope one day we can be brought back together if it was really meant to be. I've never liked someone so much before when I haven't met him in person yet so I often wonder what our real touches would do to each other. I wish he didn't give up, but with him still living at home with his father and going to college, he thinks it's "best" he stays with people nearby him but I hope he will eventually find that just because our situation isn't ideal doesn't mean we have to give up. Relationships are great because people find ways to make them work. I love him so much because he would be one of my biggest supporters with my writing and always encouraged me to write our story. Even if we didn't work out, he's still okay with me writing about us since at least to him my writing is very good.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Nyarlathothep said:


> Well, my SO lives pretty far from me (We met on another forum), and at first he didn't want to accept me because he fears I may be disappointed in his real self (He's been rejected by another girl he met through internet and then irl, so he's pretty insecure). Now, he works a lot, and I have the hope that maybe his goal would be to come to me someday.
> I asked the questions I did few pages back because I'm trying to guess how it'd be the day we meet, if it happens xD


If you two have a strong connection and you make him feel loved and wanted, I'm sure it will be okay.


----------



## Nyarlathothep

Aya the Whaler said:


> If you two have a strong connection and you make him feel loved and wanted, I'm sure it will be okay.


We do have a strong connection, that's for sure. However, those last months, he's the one making me feel not as wanted and loved as before.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Nyarlathothep said:


> We do have a strong connection, that's for sure. However, those last months, he's the one making me feel not as wanted and loved as before.


He changed somehow?


----------



## cityofcircuits

Sometimes I have moments where I realize I'm a complete dumbass.

One of those happened the other night.

I finally got a webcam(yeah my laptop doesn't have one built in, crazy Ik).

Skyped with my lovely girl. 

*IT WAS FKING AWEEEEEEEESOOOOOOOME*

Then naturally I'm thinking afterwards,"Why didn't I do this sooner?"

I mean we have Skyped but a few times awhile ago but not since becoming official as a couple.

Anyways, long story short, glad we are doing the video conversations now


----------



## Ace Face

@Cover3 and I just got back from a week and a half long trip. Lots of good times under our belt after this one <3 Special thanks to the PerC member who gave us friendship, shelter, and _The IT Crowd _


----------



## 7rr7s

Were your friends/family supporitve of your LDR or did they think it was weird at first? I know it's alot more common now, but sometimes people can still be funny about that. What were your experiences, and did you feel weird telling them about it at first?


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Were your friends/family supporitve of your LDR or did they think it was weird at first? I know it's alot more common now, but sometimes people can still be funny about that. What were your experiences, and did you feel weird telling them about it at first?


My friends are fine with it but I haven't told my family.


----------



## Ace Face

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Were your friends/family supporitve of your LDR or did they think it was weird at first? I know it's alot more common now, but sometimes people can still be funny about that. What were your experiences, and did you feel weird telling them about it at first?


I made sure it was something that would last for quite some time before letting my parents and friends in on it. I think people who are constantly introducing new partners to their family and friends are just a big fucking joke. I refuse to be the annoying bitch who introduces a new flavor to her peeps like every other month, lol. I'm not sure what it is about that that seems so damn pathetic to me, but I digress. Back on track... the parents were skeptical at first, but then they met him and fell in love with him themselves  <3 The friends were cool with it from the get-go.


----------



## ThisModernLove

New to the forums so I hope you don't mind me chiming in!

*Have you been in one? If so...*

Twice so far. One who lived in Baltimore, Maryland (I live in San Francisco) and the other who lived in London. The first one ended miserably (it's complicated) and the second one she realized she wanted someone closer. 

*What works, what doesn't? *
I can't really say because my two LDRs didn't work out. What I can say is that both people have to have the right temperament to handle a LDR. Also, in my case, because I couldn't quickly move to the UK, having the understanding that one or the other or both persons will have to move. 

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? *

Me personally? No. My London ex felt so after awhile. 

*How often did/do you see your partner? *

The Baltimore ex, we alternated flying out to each other on a bi-monthly basis. Sometimes once a month if our schedules allowed it. The London ex? Once every six or so months. Actually, we only saw each other twice during our 1 1/2 year relationship. Breaking up over Skype is ridiculously hard. :sad:

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*

Skype most definitely. But snail mail is okay as well. 

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*

The worst part obviously is not having them physically there. When you hang out with friends and they have their bf/gf with them I especially felt it. Also, because I worry a lot, worrying if something happens to them that there would be nothing I could do about it. The best part for me is that because of the lack of physical intimacy you're kind of forced into becoming closer and intimate in other ways. 

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*

Most people didn't care. It was a good way to figure out who were the cynics, however 

*What are some fun things to do?*

Watching shows/movies together. Finding creative ways to show our love and appreciation for one another. Video/photo journals of our days that we would share with each other.


----------



## 121689

Have you been in one? If so...
I'm in one right now . It hasn't been a year yet, but so far so good! It's also my first relationship and his second, so I was a little worried at first on how it could go, but I couldn't be happier with my man XD.

What works, what doesn't? 
The whole distance thing is obviously a factor, but on top of that we're both poor college kids with no cars and not a lot of free time . Busy schedules and lives make it hard to keep up and work for the relationship, but we're both learning to balance us and our lives together...the summer was perfect for that (he was working an incredibly insane job). As for what works: Keeping up the communication and trusting your partner. We both learned the hard way, but we're a lot closer and stronger for it now.

Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? 
I don't think so. We're not as far as some other LDR's on here (about a 14 hour train ride). We know it's not gonna be forever, and I'm sure others keep that in mind too. It helps 

How often did/do you see your partner? 
Saw him last March, and that's when we decided to be in a relationship together. He was visiting as this was the college he used to go to before he transferred to another one after freshman year. Haven't seen him since then, but if everything works out he'll be coming up to visit me during Christmas vacation . I get to see him on Skype a little bit as well!

Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
Skype for sure, I like seeing him and getting to talk directly to him. Snail mail is awesome for sending surprise letters and gifts though .

What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
The communication is the worst. A lot of miscommunication has happened, and I'm sure it'll still happen in the future. Both of us have troubles conveying thoughts and/or feelings so we're still learning. It's gotten a lot better though. And of course, the juggling act of life and us . It'll be tricky this year with both of us in demanding programs but we've got game plans in place. Also not being able to hangout...there's a lot of challenging parts tbh, but it's all worth it. He's probably the best part, I've never met anyone so patient and willing to deal with me in my life lol XD

How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
My family accepted it with open arms surprisingly . My friends do too for the most part, but they always tell me that they couldn't do what we did. Not sure what to think of that, but meh. 

What are some fun things to do?
Skyping is always great XD. It's especially fun late at night when we're both at that weird tired/hyper stage, making jokes and goofing off at one point, and the next second talking about some philosophical idea about life. It's also fun sending surprise packages to each other, or messaging each other videos or some cool thing we found online and talking about it. It's great


----------



## kaleidoscope

Four more days :blushed::blushed:


----------



## foodcourtfrenzy

cityofcircuits said:


> Sometimes I have moments where I realize I'm a complete dumbass.
> 
> One of those happened the other night.
> 
> I finally got a webcam(yeah my laptop doesn't have one built in, crazy Ik).
> 
> Skyped with my lovely girl.
> 
> *IT WAS FKING AWEEEEEEEESOOOOOOOME*
> 
> Then naturally I'm thinking afterwards,"Why didn't I do this sooner?"
> 
> I mean we have Skyped but a few times awhile ago but not since becoming official as a couple.
> 
> Anyways, long story short, glad we are doing the video conversations now



Cool avatar! Who is that?


----------



## cityofcircuits

foodcourtfrenzy said:


> Cool avatar! Who is that?


I like yours as well! Spaghett!


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Were your friends/family supporitve of your LDR or did they think it was weird at first? I know it's alot more common now, but sometimes people can still be funny about that. What were your experiences, and did you feel weird telling them about it at first?


I assume you're mostly asking about relationships that started online? I'm pretty open with my family, but I can't remember exactly how it went down. I think I first told them that we liked each other and were talking online to plant the seed, even though we were already pretty committed. My mom was convinced he was a serial killer for the first year or so after we started talking, though. :tongue:

Side rant: Why is it so hard to ask for time off?  I feel guilty for asking for and taking so much time off, but heck, they give me 3 weeks of vacation a year plus 4 floating holidays, so to me it makes sense to take a week off to visit @Out0fAmmo every 3 months, right? Other people I work with don't take that much time off, but they don't have a reason to. I do, so please be reasonable about it, Mr. Supervisor! 

Side side rant: My love is on a project for work in a different place with poor cell reception and poor internet connection, and he'll be there for up to a month. It's only been 1 day and I'm already feeling down about it. Everything is just so difficult, and due to our schedules clashing and other stresses, we already haven't been getting much quality time together. It's tough. Especially when you don't really have that solid date or plans to look forward to. *cough*aforementioned supervisor*cough*


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Side rant: Why is it so hard to ask for time off?  I feel guilty for asking for and taking so much time off, but heck, they give me 3 weeks of vacation a year plus 4 floating holidays, so to me it makes sense to take a week off to visit @Out0fAmmo every 3 months, right? Other people I work with don't take that much time off, but they don't have a reason to. I do, so please be reasonable about it, Mr. Supervisor!


Well, it's a go! :crazy: Supervisor approved and we just bought tickets!  This one is going to be interesting, since we're traveling to my hometown and he'll meet my family for the first time. :shocked: 27 days away!


----------



## Morfy

I can't wait for next summer :blushed:
But it's also kinda spooky owo.
How can I train myself to not be super nervous and awkward? owo


----------



## 33778

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Well, it's a go! :crazy: Supervisor approved and we just bought tickets!  This one is going to be interesting, since we're traveling to my hometown and he'll meet my family for the first time. :shocked: 27 days away!


Awwww so happy for you!!!! and jealous:tongue::crazy:
I hope you have a great time together!!


----------



## cinnabun

*Subscribes*

This thread is really helpful and inspiring. Nice to know that online LDR's are praised and not thought of as weirdroud:<3.


----------



## Morfy

xdollie. said:


> *Subscribes*
> 
> This thread is really helpful and inspiring. Nice to know that online LDR's are praised and not thought of as weirdroud:<3.


Now halp me dori ;;


----------



## cinnabun

Morfinyon said:


> Now halp me dori ;;


Doctor Dollie, who has her PHD in being sexy, is here to help you. What do you need help with young grasshopper?


----------



## Morfy

xdollie. said:


> Doctor Dollie, who has her PHD in being sexy, is here to help you. What do you need help with young grasshopper?


Read mah post owo


----------



## cinnabun

Morfinyon said:


> How can I train myself to not be super nervous and awkward? owo


Meeting your LD partner for the first time _will_ be nerve-racking, so it's perfectly naturally to feel like that. Just continue to speak to her as much as you can, it'll help build your relationship so that when the time for you to meet finally arises, it won't be as awkward as it would have been if you had barely spoken. That's all you can do, really. If you're worried about it, talk to her. You can help each other by building up confidence. Just complimenting one another and saying small things such as "You're awesome, talking with you makes me feel so happy!" helps a _lot_. You start to feel more confident in yourself, and you become more comfortable around your partner. I hope that helps. You have a whole year to wait anyway so you'll have plenty of time to work on itroud:.


----------



## iisu

[rambling]

I'm not in a relationship but I have to dump my feelings and the whole story somewhere so please bear with me. I actually feel like an idiot here and wonder why I always have to make things so complicated.

It started when I found a fan-made article on a subject which I am interested in. It was unexpectedly well thought through and I was impressed by it but there were a few things which didn't agree with my view on the things which were already present in the original sources so I wrote a looooooong comment. The guy answered, we began a discussion and I felt that I really like him and I want to talk to him more but couldn't find anything to use as a reason for initiating conversations again and again. Then he asked me if I could help him translate the article into English. In any other case I'd have refused because the article is pretty long and heavy with scientific terms from fields I'm not very familiar with. But I saw it as a possibility for future conversations and agreed.

Later we discussed his article and related things and I tried to derail the conversation as hard as I could. It's a ridiculous thing from me but I wanted to know more about the guy and made him open up a bit. I also suggested switching from polite to familiar expressions since it's a significant matter in our native language.

With time (time is measured in months) I saw that it's really easy and interesting for me to talk to him and it's something what is extremely rare. 

And then I realized that I managed to fall in love. For the first time in my life. With a person who I've never talked to in voice yet and who I've only seen in one photo with low quality (I can ask for more photos but I'm scared as hell to make things awkward so I have to pay close attention to how things are going). He also lives in another country...
Hell, I even manage to feel sexual attraction to him. Or maybe to my imaginary concept of him. It doesn't matter much, I've never thought about it in connection to someone else before.

We've talked by messages a lot lately and it turned out that we have ridiculous amount of things in common.

- We have some similar interests, development of interests and almost all our interests are in similar directions. I never thought that I'd find someone else to discuss ALL of the things with. The guy says he feels the same.
- We have similar values.
- We both are very introverted so we understand each other here.
- Our needs in communication are similar, we can switch between discussing some deep shit and joking easily. And I've just realized that we have similar sense of humor.

There are things which we do differently but they work so well together. We can construct fuller view on something because we look at it from different angles and can explain what we see to each other.

And some things I observed make me think that we are exactly what each of us would like in bed...

I don't know what to make out of it. I don't want to feel anything but I can't kill the feeling, it returns together with feelings that I want him to be here and I want it now, that I want all of what he is, I want to make him happy and other awkward stuff. I want to know what he smells like >.>

But I'm only a friendly and sometimes too talkative web ghost.

The state of an emotionless brick has suddenly become very appealing.

[/rambling]


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

kaleidoscope said:


> That moment where you call his room 'my room' :blushed:


I want that day to come so fast.


----------



## Morfy

I wish Cam was here right now ;;
And I hope I'll be physically attractive enough o god D:


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfinyon said:


> I wish Cam was here right now ;;
> And I hope I'll be physically attractive enough o god D:


You think I'd leave you 'cause you're not """hot""" enough for me? That's silly! 
..but I can't help but worry the same thing!


----------



## Morfy

Lt. Kamillion said:


> You think I'd leave you 'cause you're not """hot""" enough for me? That's silly!
> ..but I can't help but worry the same thing!


In what way? ;x


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfinyon said:


> In what way? ;x


That I won't be attractive enough owo


----------



## Morfy

Lt. Kamillion said:


> That I won't be attractive enough owo


Wtf. You're super hot and beautiful


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfinyon said:


> Wtf. You're super hot and beautiful


I disagree :/


----------



## Morfy

Lt. Kamillion said:


> I disagree :/


Why? OwO 
I just told you what I truthfully think owo


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfinyon said:


> Why? OwO
> I just told you what I truthfully think owo


I..I don't know


----------



## Morfy

Lt. Kamillion said:


> I..I don't know


Well, then I'll have to tell you that you have a smoking hot body and the most beautiful smile I've ever seen owo


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

@Morfinyon @Lt. Kamillion

I think you're both being very silly. If you love each other, physics are the least of your worries. Especially in a LDR.


----------



## Morfy

Aya Saves the World said:


> @Morfinyon @Lt. Kamillion
> 
> I think you're both being very silly. If you love each other, physics are the least of your worries. Especially in a LDR.


I…I'm just really inexperienced and nervous I guess


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Morfinyon said:


> I…I'm just really inexperienced and nervous I guess


I wouldn't say that you're not. I'm too. But there are more important things than focusing on how bad you look or not. Listen, I feel he same, but I have to put my feelings aside to take care of the one I love. That's far more important than caring if I have a black spot or my hair is messy because of the wind.


----------



## Morfy

Aya Saves the World said:


> I wouldn't say that you're not. I'm too. But there are more important things than focusing on how bad you look or not. Listen, I feel he same, but I have to put my feelings aside to take care of the one I love. That's far more important than caring if I have a black spot or my hair is messy because of the wind.


t…that's true. I'm just really prone to worrying x_x


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Morfinyon said:


> t…that's true. I'm just really prone to worrying x_x


Well, I'm as well.


----------



## Morfy

Aya Saves the World said:


> Well, I'm as well.


How do you overcome it? Or do you use it?
idek 
I'm pretty new to self-assessment stuff


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Morfinyon said:


> How do you overcome it? Or do you use it?
> idek
> I'm pretty new to self-assessment stuff


I simply don't talk much about it and dismiss it as simple silliness. Usually it is.


----------



## Morfy

Aya Saves the World said:


> I simply don't talk much about it and dismiss it as simple silliness. Usually it is.


Hmm okay owo


----------



## Endless Rainbows

Morfinyon said:


> How do you overcome it? Or do you use it?
> idek
> I'm pretty new to self-assessment stuff


Just remember to breathe!! It's going to be OK!  You two are so cute together.


----------



## Morfy

Endless Rainbows said:


> Just remember to breathe!! It's going to be OK!  You two are so cute together.


I…I'll try :blushed:


----------



## Endless Rainbows

In the quiet of the night, the nights are the worst lonely times. The silence can be deafening. I have too much free time on my hands. =/


----------



## Nyarlathothep

Aya Saves the World said:


> If I can help in anything else tell me.


I don't know if you remember about me. Well, things didn't go better, in fact it worsened :crying:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Nyarlathothep said:


> I don't know if you remember about me. Well, things didn't go better, in fact it worsened :crying:


Tell me everything you need to. PM me if you need. And yes, I do remember you. I apologize for making you wait, I was at MCM London Comic-Con.


----------



## cinnabun

I'm so happy :kitteh: <33333

I can't get enough of him, he's amazing!

I'm so glad I decided to come back to PerC this year. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have met him, and the thought of that makes me sad.

*Spreads happy feels everywhere*


----------



## Morfy

xdollie. said:


> I'm so happy :kitteh: <33333
> 
> I can't get enough of him, he's amazing!
> 
> I'm so glad I decided to come back to PerC this year. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have met him, and the thought of that makes me sad.
> 
> *Spreads happy feels everywhere*


i know that feel *w*
let's hug owo


----------



## cinnabun

Morfinyon said:


> i know that feel *w*
> let's hug owo


*Hugs* roud:


----------



## Morfy

xdollie. said:


> *Hugs* roud:


*hugs back* *w*
me likesies hugs owo


----------



## Nyarlathothep

Aya Saves the World said:


> Tell me everything you need to. PM me if you need. And yes, I do remember you. I apologize for making you wait, I was at MCM London Comic-Con.


Thank you <3 I'll send a PM, and I don't mind waiting ^^


----------



## Kyora

*Have you been in one? If so...
*
Yes, currently  I met my boyfriend while playing a mmorpg x) We started dating each other in May, but if I have to use the definition of my friends "You can only date someone if you've met him IRL" [I don't believe it but anyway], we've been going out since August 

*What works, what doesn't? *

I don't know... 

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? *

I don't think, the person can be far but that's never too far...

*How often did/do you see your partner? *

Well He came to y house from the 15th August until the 22nd September... I wish I could see him right now but I can't ^^' (master disseration)
*
Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
*Skype, I don't know snail... I like to see him and hear him (though I can hear him on mumble)

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*

The worst... well I used to think that there was no worse as I didn't like physical contacts... but now I would say, not being able to feel him net to me. 

Best part: I got to know him "mentally" before seeing a picture of him, I know that I like him for who he is.

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*

Well they usually first ask me where I met him, and then they start to say things like "You don't really know him", "How can you trust someone like that?" "Did you use a dating website?" etc...

*What are some fun things to do?*

Hum well I would prefer him next to me , and all he things I can think of would be better with him IRL. Playing mmorpg, online games, I can be with him whenever I want to when he is on skype, I don't have to get out of my house...


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Nyarlathothep said:


> Thank you <3 I'll send a PM, and I don't mind waiting ^^


You're most welcome


----------



## 7rr7s

This morning is as beautiful as she is, and I wish so badly that she was here with me right now. To hold her close, to feel her kisses on me, take in her scent and her beauty. To keep each other warm as our bodies melt into each other, and we watch the day become little moments we'd share together. They'd be ours and we'd treasure them as we treasure each other, each basking in the glow of the other. Just the thought of her warms me, and the knowledge that she is mine is enough to bring me happiness today and every day. The thought of her voice, her smile, her soul fills me with such a warmth that is profoundly peaceful, and she makes me feel a joy that is beyond words.


----------



## kaleidoscope

PEOPLE!

When should you buy your airline ticket? Here's what our data has to say | CheapAir

Just sayin'. 

*is already saving up to go see him in March*


* *






I actually came here to post *this*.

:ninja:


----------



## Kyora

kaleidoscope said:


> PEOPLE!
> 
> When should you buy your airline ticket? Here's what our data has to say | CheapAir
> 
> Just sayin'.
> 
> *is already saving up to go see him in March*
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I actually came here to post *this*.
> 
> :ninja:


x) nice link (it really seems nice)


----------



## Lemxn

kaleidoscope said:


> PEOPLE!
> 
> When should you buy your airline ticket? Here's what our data has to say | CheapAir
> 
> Just sayin'.
> 
> *is already saving up to go see him in March*
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I actually came here to post *this*.
> 
> :ninja:


Oh. Thank your this!

I am visiting my man next year, this will help. I actually thought about "When I should buy my ticket?" :laughing:


----------



## Playful Proxy

Ugh, he's amazing, just...so amazing but I won't see him until this summer and then we'll be away for at least another year after that. We haven't been together that long, this is going to sound selfish, but how do I know he's worth all the waiting? I'm very monogamous so I'd never cheat, but if I'm to refrain, it's just...he's awesome but...what if someone else who is close by is awesome as great? 

It's only been a few months and I know we need to grow and it's not like I have anyone else I"m interested in anyway. He told me that if I found someone nearby that he wanted me to go with them. Part of me feels like I'd be a horrible person for doing that and I don't want to hurt him, at all. The other side says that if I could find someone better nearby, he'd likely be able to find someone better than me for him as well. But...there's nothing wrong with the relationship at all and it's one of the healthiest ones I've had, just the whole "Am I doing the right thing" keeps plaguing me. Saying "Oh, my bf lives in a country that's got a 6 hour timezone difference" is just...gah. Sorry, frustrated. We've talked about this all before with one another but stuff is just hard, you know?

(Long story short, he lives in Netherlands, I live in the US, he's trying in the next couple of years to have a programming company import him into the US (regardless of me, that was his plan from the beginning), so...when he moves here, it'll be a lot less distance between us. Oh yeah, I'm trans, swore I'd not date anyone until I got farther into transition, love...happened, so there's that, he's entirely fine with everything and super accepting, and I'm in college while all this goes on.)


----------



## 7rr7s

Six months ago I didn't even know she exited. Now she is one of the most important people in my life. It's such a surreal feeling. I'm so thankful every day that she is in my life and that we are together.


----------



## FakeLefty

xdollie. said:


> I'm so happy :kitteh: <33333
> 
> I can't get enough of him, he's amazing!
> 
> I'm so glad I decided to come back to PerC this year. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have met him, and the thought of that makes me sad.
> 
> *Spreads happy feels everywhere*


Spreads happy feels like


----------



## knife

@KindOfBlue06 What you're feeling for @xdollie. I'm feeling for @Queen Qualia. It's so awesome. :happy: I can't imagine not having her in my life right now :happy::happy:


Kitty Sith Lord


----------



## The Chameleon

*cuddles @Morfinyon*
<3 <3 <3
I love you <3


----------



## Morfy

The Chameleon said:


> *cuddles @Morfinyon*
> <3 <3 <3
> I love you <3


omgomgomgomg you're such a qt ;w;


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfinyon said:


> omgomgomgomg you're such a qt ;w;


You're a qt <33


----------



## JamesO2

It's getting harder to live so far from her everyday. As the nights get colder, my desire to hold her and be close grows. I'm starting to feel physically sick from missing her so much. 

It's amazing how much she's changed my life in just six months. I love her like no other.


----------



## cinnabun

He makes me so fucking hot.

I crave for his touch, his scent, his kisses <3.
At times like this, it's almost painful that he's in a different country from me:frustrating:.


Buuuuuuuuut, I'm so happy we speak everyday on skype <3.


----------



## 7rr7s

Morfinyon said:


> omgomgomgomg you're such a qt ;w;





The Chameleon said:


> You're a qt <33


Play mafia and talk about it in your QTs. :crazy:


----------



## Ace Face

My soul is knitted to his. I've reached a point that he feels like he's right beside me even when he is gone. He is literally a part of me near or far. The warmth of the genuine love we have for each other has given me such peace. The distance is still existent, but it doesn't feel like it is. This is the first time I have ever been in a perfect place with someone... that place in which you feel true happiness and actual contentment simultaneously. I no longer feel restless even when he's gone. Things with us go so far beyond the physical. This emotional high is better than anything a physical high can provide. This is what people search for all of their lives. It's not about sex and it's not about obsession or even passion. It's about being a team and having a friendship that death itself could not break. It's about understanding and having compassion even when you don't understand. It's about stability and sticking to it no matter what troubles we face. It's about being something far greater than words can describe. We were simply destined to be.


----------



## 7rr7s

xdollie. said:


> He makes me so fucking hot.
> 
> I crave for his touch, his scent, his kisses <3.
> At times like this, it's almost painful that he's in a different country from me:frustrating:.
> 
> 
> Buuuuuuuuut, I'm so happy we speak everyday on skype <3.


<333333333. I feel the same way about her. 

Also, this is post #666. Saucy. ;D.


----------



## Lemxn

I just want a time machine where I can finally travel to him and kill the time. Missing him so much is a torture yet addictive and sweet.

It's amazing how a person can be the reason to wake everyday and keep going, like a divine force inside us.


----------



## 7rr7s

I fall asleep with my laptop on my chest, looking at her pictures. She is so gorgeous and I fall asleep wishing that the warmth I feel was her warmth on me. I can't wait until she can lie beside me, until we can fall into restful slumber holding one another. I cannot wait until my eyelids shut in sleep, too heavy to contain the magnificence of her beauty, too eager to dream of her sensual presence; her hair grasped in my hands, her lips caressing mine, her eyes burning into me, a fierce and beautiful bewilderment. I can't wait for the dawn to creep over our bodies, through the blinds, lulling us into a further ecstasy. I can't wait to wake up and hold her, knowing that she is mine, knowing that we are young and beautiful and happy.


----------



## cinnabun

@KindOfBlue06 Damn, your girl is really lucky to have someone as sweet and as sensual as you:wink:.


----------



## Morfy

^so fucking cute omgomgomgomgomgomg
*hides*


----------



## The Chameleon

LDR support group turning into @KindOfBlue06 and @xdollie. support group <3


----------



## cinnabun

The Chameleon said:


> LDR support group turning into @_KindOfBlue06_ and @_xdollie._ support group <3


Oops, our cheesiness is taking over, sorry:blushed::kitteh:<33333


----------



## 7rr7s

xdollie. said:


> Oops, our cheesiness is taking over, sorry:blushed::kitteh:<33333


You mean sexiness. Don't apologize for it. We're flawless. <3.


----------



## Dalton

Just overcame the first hurdle (the noun is spelt differently from the verb with a _d_ instead of a _t_, how interesting...). I said something not-so-flattering. She thought it was an insult and got tense. I got scared and overreacted. I'm not an optimist, but we might be even stronger than before.

We'll do our best to not repeat mistakes and meet in the middle. The way we match up demands a lot of growth from both of us, but I'm a type 1, so I kind of enjoy that aspect of our relationship. I just don't want to freak out again with the fear that the relationship will be anything less than perfect. One advantage we gained is that we're understanding each others' needs more.

Oh hi, Karma. I'm not mentioning you with "@" because I know you'll find this post anyway. I love you, and I'm glad you understand how hard it is for me to express that. It was hard going even a single day without you. Let's talk again tonight!


----------



## Golden Rose

Dalton said:


> Oh hi, Karma. I'm not mentioning you with "@" because I know you'll find this post anyway. I love you, and I'm glad you understand how hard it is for me to express that. It was hard going even a single day without you. Let's talk again tonight!


Of course you would  I'm gonna quote you anyway just in case, though our stalking game is strong.

See, your post pretty much sums up why I love you, it's easy to belt out your happiness and pretend nothing ever goes wrong, at least it is for me and a lot of people in here. But this kind of honesty, this kind of fighting against your own habits and trouble expressing feelings, this knowing exactly what I need to hear. You're fucking amazing, did you know that? We might have faced an insignificant hurdle but what matters is that we've both learned so much from it, just like we learn every day and every night just by being together, as comfortable as we could ever be and happy like hardly people can be. I know that perfection is important to you and I know that the moment you realize that nothing is ever perfect but bumps in the road are natural and only push people closer if their feelings are strong and true, is the moment everything will actually become perfect. I know I have a lot of work to do about my pride and need for complete control, as well as my morphing and bossy attitude yet... we already match in every possible way and the way we waited for months to make this happen was already a huge sign of how much serious we both are about this. You're teaching me how to compromise, you're never scared of how 'too much' I am and you can read my mind like no one ever did before. I love it. I love you. I love you for who you are and everything you do, for your blind spot and the endless list of amazing qualities you have, and there isn't a single thing you do that I don't notice, you're just the best thing that ever happened to my life and I can't wait to move and live with you, come on 2015! This first month really breezed through and things keep getting better and better, this is forever, together we're unstoppable ...pretty damn sexy too! <3


----------



## Morfy

*w*


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfinyon said:


> *w*


*tacklehugs*
I love youuuuu! <3


----------



## Morfy

The Chameleon said:


> *tacklehugs*
> I love youuuuu! <3


h-heyyy ^^;
i have to go to sleep like very soon


----------



## The Chameleon

Morfinyon said:


> h-heyyy ^^;
> i have to go to sleep like very soon


I guess I got home just in time then ^^;


----------



## The Chameleon

viber saves lives


----------



## Dalton

The Chameleon said:


> viber saves lives


Viber vs Skype or any other video calling program: Is there a difference?

Also had to google "viber" to make sure it wasn't a sex toy. I mean, it fits in the context of not being able to meet your SO! :laughing:


----------



## The Chameleon

Dalton said:


> Viber vs Skype or any other video calling program: Is there a difference?
> 
> Also had to google "viber" to make sure it wasn't a sex toy. I mean, it fits in the context of not being able to meet your SO! :laughing:


Not really, but I like Viber more. 
And that's hysterical! It totally sounds like a vibrator XD


----------



## cinnabun

Page 69 eh :kitteh:?

@KindOfBlue06 get in here <3.


----------



## Endless Rainbows

Super excited. Visiting my INFJ guy for the first time in two weeks' time!! Found a cheap direct flight to Oklahoma. Literally flying in for the weekend and out as we are both busy during the weekdays. We don't Skype every day. I wish. We're too busy during the weekdays with work and school. 

Just had to bite the bullet and buy the plane ticket. Waiting another two months' was just out of the question. I can't wait any more! I must know if we click in person. The sooner the better. So looking forward to be able to BE with him. My heart melts that I have finally found someone like him. I feel so very lucky. 

This thread has been so helpful to know there are others like me in LDR's. You all are awesome support. Thank you!!!


----------



## cinnabun

I'm so blessed to have someone so extrordinarily beautiful in my life.


He's not the kinda guy you meet on a daily basis. He's unusual, unlike the rest. His fiery passion for the arts, his animalistic sexual aggression, and his brutal determination all come together in this sweetly sinful flavour of wonderful <3. I love his sx intensity. His happiness, his vulnerability, even his anger (which I thankfully have not been the target of XD). I'm aware I'm being cheesey, but I'm honestly so happy I'm with him. It's liberating, wild and free. It's a kind of happiness I've never felt before:kitteh:.


----------



## Golden Rose

Dalton said:


> Viber vs Skype or any other video calling program: Is there a difference?
> 
> Also had to google "viber" to make sure it wasn't a sex toy. I mean, it fits in the context of not being able to meet your SO! :laughing:


Great minds think alike, I instantly made the Viber = vibrator connection in my head (and I didn't even know that program existed WTF) but we should definitely look into that since Skype is being a gaping cunt and keeps on dropping/freezing/lagging all of our video calls these days. It's probably internet connection related since Tinychat wasn't working either but yeah, no thanks.

Since I'm already in the sappy thread, I just wanted to tell you again (let's be all public, I gotta show off how *great* you are) how huge of an impact you had on my life, especially after an extremely symbolic day like this one has been. If anyone told me during the past summer that not only we'd end up officially together like this but that I'd finally drop all of those masks I've built up during my crash years and become this open and honest with my own darkness, I'd never have believed them. The best part is that you didn't have to do anything, you didn't even ask for it, it was my own decision but it's all been thanks to you and the way you understand me like no one ever did in my life before and the way you can love me despite my hidden pride and anger finally bursting out... we just get each other instantly, we can switch between deep shit and Jesus jokes or teasing and yet nothing ever loses its meaning. I can see you working hard on your future, finally getting past all of those obstacles and perfectionism and depression you've built up over the years and I've never been so proud in my life before and yet I am, I am proud of you and everything you do. I'm so damn glad I came to PerC and never gave up, in real life, even if we lived in the same town, we'd probably never have interacted because of how different our backgrounds and circles are and yet I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else, I was struggling with finding someone to commit to, to give up fun and lust and bad stuffz and yet there you are. You did it, boy, effortlessly too because you're so easy to love. If everyone else disappeared I wouldn't even flinch, as long as you're part of my world. 

PS: "You'd actually step on their fingers one by one" was actually one of my favorite compliments ever, we're that weird and I love it. Folks, @Dalton is just *amazing* kthxbye


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Like most people in here, I feel blessed that I have such a wonderful person by my side. He's strange, he's different and usual and I like it.
He's doing an animation course now and I often miss him because we don't talk as much. He needs to work and focus on it. I promised him I would help him by learning to work on Unity but I fear I'll fail.


----------



## Lemxn

Today is one of those days were distance is pissing me off so much, but sadness don't let me be angry so instead of that I spend the whole day watching photos of him and listening to our songs.

Fucking military duty.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Endless Rainbows said:


> Super excited. Visiting my INFJ guy for the first time in two weeks' time!! Found a cheap direct flight to Oklahoma. Literally flying in for the weekend and out as we are both busy during the weekdays. We don't Skype every day. I wish. We're too busy during the weekdays with work and school.
> 
> Just had to bite the bullet and buy the plane ticket. Waiting another two months' was just out of the question. I can't wait any more! I must know if we click in person. The sooner the better. So looking forward to be able to BE with him. My heart melts that I have finally found someone like him. I feel so very lucky.
> 
> This thread has been so helpful to know there are others like me in LDR's. You all are awesome support. Thank you!!!



I'm also taking a plunge and visiting someone that I'm getting to know in another town, while he's on a business trip (he invited me). He has already seen me three times in my town, and will not be able to come back until the holidays. I'm not waiting until Christmas to see if him and I are compatible. 


To the introverted guys-Should I not analyze texting too much, as a sign of interest? We text back and forth to coordinate plans, and when to see each other. Today's daters claim that a person should be texting you regularly on mundane things? Aren't actions in person much more precious? 

Some people have said, "He might be too busy for a relationship" or "He could be dating other girls." He's making the effort to see me, so I'm not going to pass up on that opportunity. He's showing all of the romance signals in person that he likes me, and I like him. If an INFJ finds that rare spark, go for it!


----------



## Endless Rainbows

CherishYourHeart said:


> I'm also taking a plunge and visiting someone that I'm getting to know in another town, while he's on a business trip (he invited me). He has already seen me three times in my town, and will not be able to come back until the holidays. I'm not waiting until Christmas to see if him and I are compatible.
> 
> 
> To the introverted guys-Should I not analyze texting too much, as a sign of interest? We text back and forth to coordinate plans, and when to see each other. Today's daters claim that a person should be texting you regularly on mundane things? Aren't actions in person much more precious?
> 
> Some people have said, "He might be too busy for a relationship" or "He could be dating other girls." He's making the effort to see me, so I'm not going to pass up on that opportunity. He's showing all of the romance signals in person that he likes me, and I like him. If an INFJ finds that rare spark, go for it!


Oh yay for you! Yes, go for it!! The love of an INFJ is something to be cherished. Someone who empathizes and gives as much as an ENFJ, how refreshing!!

i wouldn't worry too much about texting. I personally am not a big fan of texting as there is a large possibility of miscommunication. I just text for logistics. We have moved back to daily emails instead as I find the letters much more dear and expressive than texting. Wishing you the best! Hope to hear good news!


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Endless Rainbows said:


> Oh yay for you! Yes, go for it!! The love of an INFJ is something to be cherished. Someone who empathizes and gives as much as an ENFJ, how refreshing!!
> 
> i wouldn't worry too much about texting. I personally am not a big fan of texting as there is a large possibility of miscommunication. I just text for logistics. We have moved back to daily emails instead as I find the letters much more dear and expressive than texting. Wishing you the best! Hope to hear good news!


Thank you, my fingers are crossed too! The only way to know is to get to know him. Only a person's vibes, actions and chemistry tell you the whole story. Anyone can easily text you. 

FYI, I'm the INFJ. I don't know what he is, but he seems introverted and empathic based on how he acts. I don't feel that he's an alpha male either.


----------



## Endless Rainbows

CherishYourHeart said:


> Thank you, my fingers are crossed too! The only way to know is to get to know him. Only a person's vibes, actions and chemistry tell you the whole story. Anyone can easily text you.
> 
> FYI, I'm the INFJ. I don't know what he is, but he seems introverted and empathic based on how he acts. I don't feel that he's an alpha male either.


Yes, still nothing beats in person interaction to see if there's chemistry. We are falling for each other through emails, Skype video chats and phone calls but must confirm in person! 

Whoopsies, I thought you meant him. Love INFJs! I also agree that actions say more than words. Hey sweet Betas might be the way to go for a long lasting relationship.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Endless Rainbows said:


> Yes, still nothing beats in person interaction to see if there's chemistry. We are falling for each other through emails, Skype video chats and phone calls but must confirm in person!
> 
> Whoopsies, I thought you meant him. Love INFJs! I also agree that actions say more than words. Hey sweet Betas might be the way to go for a long lasting relationship.


Good luck to you too! Glad to see SOME people like INFJ's. I find that people either love us or are annoyed with us furballs of sensitivity.


----------



## theflame

After months of cursing at him in texts and voice mails for ignoring me I heard his voice for the first time on Sunday! We talked on the phone for sixteen minutes it was one of the best phone calls. I think he was shy to talk on the phone that's why he never called me before but I could have been on the phone with him for hours if we had the time! That's all I needed from the beginning was one phone call because I hated talking to him in texts about everything and if he couldn't Skype I'd rather hear his voice. I know he is still interested in me just not a long distance. He wouldn't have called me if he wasn't interested and would have still kept on ignoring me. I hate how he's like "If I was closer we would have been something." I keep telling him we can still be something. Some people would give to be 7 to 8 hours away. We're in a drive-able distance every other weekend where we don't have to take some time off from work/school and it won't get in the way. I wish he could see that I could be further away. I was going to move to the west coast had I not met him, but I stayed here because it's closer to him.


----------



## 7rr7s

CherishYourHeart said:


> I'm also taking a plunge and visiting someone that I'm getting to know in another town, while he's on a business trip (he invited me). He has already seen me three times in my town, and will not be able to come back until the holidays. I'm not waiting until Christmas to see if him and I are compatible.
> 
> 
> To the introverted guys-Should I not analyze texting too much, as a sign of interest? We text back and forth to coordinate plans, and when to see each other. Today's daters claim that a person should be texting you regularly on mundane things? Aren't actions in person much more precious?
> 
> Some people have said, "He might be too busy for a relationship" or "He could be dating other girls." He's making the effort to see me, so I'm not going to pass up on that opportunity. He's showing all of the romance signals in person that he likes me, and I like him. If an INFJ finds that rare spark, go for it!


Not necessarily. I'd rather email or skype someone, because I hate having full text conversations. But I hate talking on the phone with most people, so I don't think I'd be talking on the phone all the time either. It's all up to the person too. 

If he's too busy for a relationship, he should tell you or at least let you know that he will be very busy. If he's dating other girls, tell him to fuck off and move on with your life. But yeah if he's making effort, than trust that. At the end of the day, ask him. And make sure that you trust him to answer honestly about how he feels. Especially in LDRs, trust and communication are crucial. If you even suspect shit and/or feel you cannot be honest with each other about how you're feeling, you need to really take a long hard look at the relationship. Trust and communication are important in any relationship, but they will make or break a LDR one. Good luck.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Not necessarily. I'd rather email or skype someone, because I hate having full text conversations. But I hate talking on the phone with most people, so I don't think I'd be talking on the phone all the time either. It's all up to the person too.
> 
> If he's too busy for a relationship, he should tell you or at least let you know that he will be very busy. If he's dating other girls, tell him to fuck off and move on with your life. But yeah if he's making effort, than trust that. At the end of the day, ask him. And make sure that you trust him to answer honestly about how he feels. Especially in LDRs, trust and communication are crucial. If you even suspect shit and/or feel you cannot be honest with each other about how you're feeling, you need to really take a long hard look at the relationship. Trust and communication are important in any relationship, but they will make or break a LDR one. Good luck.



We texted each other back and forth for a good half hour to plan our trip to see each other. He's renting a car to help me get around, and is looking into convenient hotels for me. I'm not staying with him in his hotel room, and he didn't ask me to stay with him (that's a GOOD thing). I'm not ready for that right now. In my opinion, guys that don't want relationships will whine and fuss about you getting your own hotel room. 

If he were too busy for a relationship, he wouldn't treat me to a whole weekend in a major city, WHILE he's on a business trip. A guy could just say, "I'm too busy with work. Not this time." 


When I do see him in a few weeks, it's going to be about 2 months since he first asked me on a date. Since we live in two different states, this upcoming trip will count as 5-6 dates. So, I have my own ways of figuring things out. It's not my style to say, "Where is this going? Will you commit to me?", but how a person talks and acts gives themselves away.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Not necessarily. I'd rather email or skype someone, because I hate having full text conversations. But I hate talking on the phone with most people, so I don't think I'd be talking on the phone all the time either. It's all up to the person too.
> 
> If he's too busy for a relationship, he should tell you or at least let you know that he will be very busy. If he's dating other girls, tell him to fuck off and move on with your life. But yeah if he's making effort, than trust that. At the end of the day, ask him. And make sure that you trust him to answer honestly about how he feels. Especially in LDRs, trust and communication are crucial. If you even suspect shit and/or feel you cannot be honest with each other about how you're feeling, you need to really take a long hard look at the relationship. Trust and communication are important in any relationship, but they will make or break a LDR one. Good luck.



We texted each other back and forth for a good half hour to plan our trip to see each other. He's renting a car to help me get around, and is looking into convenient hotels for me. I'm not staying with him in his hotel room, and he didn't ask me to stay with him (that's a GOOD thing). I'm not ready for that right now. In my opinion, guys that don't want relationships will whine and fuss about you getting your own hotel room. 

If he were too busy for a relationship, he wouldn't treat me to a whole weekend in a major city, WHILE he's on a business trip. A guy could just say, "I'm too busy with work. Not this time." 


When I do see him in a few weeks, it's going to be about 2 months since he first asked me on a date. Since we live in two different states, this upcoming trip will count as 5-6 dates. So, I have my own ways of figuring things out. It's not my style to say, "Where is this going? Will you commit to me?", but how a person talks and acts gives themselves away.


----------



## 7rr7s

CherishYourHeart said:


> We texted each other back and forth for a good half hour to plan our trip to see each other. He's renting a car to help me get around, and is looking into convenient hotels for me. I'm not staying with him in his hotel room, and he didn't ask me to stay with him (that's a GOOD thing). I'm not ready for that right now. In my opinion, guys that don't want relationships will whine and fuss about you getting your own hotel room.
> 
> If he were too busy for a relationship, he wouldn't treat me to a whole weekend in a major city, WHILE he's on a business trip. A guy could just say, "I'm too busy with work. Not this time."
> 
> 
> When I do see him in a few weeks, it's going to be about 2 months since he first asked me on a date. Since we live in two different states, this upcoming trip will count as 5-6 dates. So, I have my own ways of figuring things out. It's not my style to say, "Where is this going? Will you commit to me?", but how a person talks and acts gives themselves away.


About the hotel room thing, do you think that maybe it's because he just wants his space? Introverts need their space, and maybe a whole weekend together without any alone time for himself seems kind of overwhelming for him. Just throwing it out there, as something to think about. Sounds like you two will have a fun time though. .


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Double post.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

KindOfBlue06 said:


> About the hotel room thing, do you think that maybe it's because he just wants his space? Introverts need their space, and maybe a whole weekend together without any alone time for himself seems kind of overwhelming for him. Just throwing it out there, as something to think about. Sounds like you two will have a fun time though. .


I'm the one that called the shots about having my own hotel room, and he's simply respecting it/following my wishes. I didn't perceive the situation as him specifically wanting his own hotel room. 

We both come from a culture where it's inappropriate to bluntly ask or convince a woman to spend the night with you, especially when you haven't expressed having a future with her. To us, sharing a room means immediate sex.


----------



## HellCat

Karma said:


> Falling asleep together on Skype ftw (well, _he_'s sleeping at least).
> 
> 
> I'm the sister who's too busy arguing stuff to notice lol.


Cute. the sleeping on cam thing seems creepy to me. A waste of bandwidth but Im not a feeler ignore me. I'm callous.


----------



## Golden Rose

LeoCat said:


> Cute. the sleeping on cam thing seems creepy to me. A waste of bandwidth but Im not a feeler ignore me. I'm callous.


Actually his idea but then again he's the feelsiest ENTJ ever! Of course I turned it off before entering creepy Edward Cullen territory, it was more of a "let's talk until one of us passes out" (usually not me except for that one time I was too drunk to function and I just crashed randomly, fully party-dressed and whatever).


----------



## HellCat

Karma said:


> Actually his idea but then again he's the feelsiest ENTJ ever! Of course I turned it off before entering creepy Edward Cullen territory, it was more of a "let's talk until one of us passes out" (usually not me except for that one time I was too drunk to function and I just crashed randomly, fully party-dressed and whatever).


Aw. 

I just ate and did my weight set I like to work at midnight-2 am when its freezing out. Now I might do 2 more hours of training. I did 3 earlier today I was so hyped on coffee.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

LeoCat said:


> Cute. the sleeping on cam thing seems creepy to me. A waste of bandwidth but Im not a feeler ignore me. I'm callous.


I'm up with this one. I want to be awake to see him, on top of that.


----------



## Strayfire

Karma said:


> Falling asleep together on Skype ftw (well, _he_'s sleeping at least).


That's so sweet. ^.^


----------



## HellCat

Dance Lesson 1 for anyone interested in warming up and learning to tease on cam with a playful exotic dance. 

@X_dollie 
@_Daleks_exterminate_ 

Try walking to this.. just walking, by crossing your legs to purposefully exaggerate the sway of your hips and lifting your arms in the air for balance sort of like a tight rope walker, play with them clasp them and rub them, playing with your hair, stroking your face, collarbone, arms, torso, etc.. dragging your feet like you are trying to scrape the nail polish off your toes. 

Just do this sexy, hip swaying, meditative dance walk..for three times in a row. Let me know how it goes. Wear as little clothing as possible to get in touch with yourself, say a sports bra, yoga pants, short shorts, whatever. You don't want to have a lot of clothing in the way. 

If you feel like frankenstein at first, it is okay. You most likely will feel drunk and think you look stupid. Don't be self conscious. Close your eyes if you have to in order to feel the beat. 

It will loosen you up and once your body feels the music you will find dance easy. 

Seriously I do not think a woman alive can hear this song and not move, roll around on the floor and get lost in it like shes on drugs.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

LeoCat said:


> Dance Lesson 1 for anyone interested in warming up and learning to tease on cam with a playful exotic dance.
> 
> @X_dollie
> @_Daleks_exterminate_
> 
> Try walking to this.. just walking, by crossing your legs to purposefully exaggerate the sway of your hips and lifting your arms in the air for balance sort of like a tight rope walker, play with them clasp them and rub them, playing with your hair, stroking your face, collarbone, arms, torso, etc.. dragging your feet like you are trying to scrape the nail polish off your toes.
> 
> Just do this sexy, hip swaying, meditative dance walk..for three times in a row. Let me know how it goes. Wear as little clothing as possible to get in touch with yourself, say a sports bra, yoga pants, short shorts, whatever. You don't want to have a lot of clothing in the way.
> 
> If you feel like frankenstein at first, it is okay. You most likely will feel drunk and think you look stupid. Don't be self conscious. Close your eyes if you have to in order to feel the beat.
> 
> It will loosen you up and once your body feels the music you will find dance easy.
> 
> Seriously I do not think a woman alive can hear this song and not move, roll around on the floor and get lost in it like shes on drugs.


I tried to listen to the song and move, but I don't think it goes well with my movements. Then I remembered this


----------



## CaptSwan

Daleks_exterminate said:


> I just want you. :kitteh:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :wink:


Daleks, my darling... I'm yours, forever and ever <3 From now to the day I depart from this world, I'm yours. :blushed:


----------



## HellCat

Aya Saves the World said:


> I tried to listen to the song and move, but I don't think it goes well with my movements. Then I remembered this


Love that song, thank you for sharing.


----------



## CaptSwan

Seeing and talking to my GF on cam all afternoon; and then having to pull away from her... It's a pain so horrible I wouldn't wish it to my worst enemy. It makes me long for her, want her by my side, cuddle her and have Nerf fights with her. :crying:


----------



## HellCat

Lesson 2. The frisk

Put your arms on the wall like you are being frisked alternately, hold onto a door jamb.

Point your toes and drag them in circles, sway your hips, shifting your weight side to side.. like your drunk and trying to keep your balance. 

Variations. Have your feet sort of pigeon toed (toes pointing to each other to maintain balance) figure 8s with your hips. push out right hip/ bring back, bring forward left hip, bring it back. Like you are drawing figure eights with your hips. exaggerate the move greatly, rub the wall, your hair, ass, tummy, breasts, arms.. whatever feels right. 

You can do these either facing or away from. If facing away and doing hip circles, be careful not to tip over, hug the wall or jamb with your head, fingers. 


Rub your hair on the wall, or door jamb, explore with your fingers caressing it and really feeling the texture of the paint, your cheeks, .. your butt., thighs, stomach, breasts, arms, tracing your collarbone, shoulders 

Think of a cat trying to leave its scent on the wall,floor, whatever you happen to be holding onto

It sounds crazy, looks hot.


----------



## The Chameleon

i just miss him and want him so much and aaaaaah ;w;
how is it even possible that i love someone this much? this is insane ;w;
b..but i love it 
i would rather be in an ldr than to never have met him at all, he's amazing and super cute but like really hot and hnnng ;w;
oh hey um @Morfinyon
I love you <3


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

LeoCat said:


> Love that song, thank you for sharing.


You're welcome. It is a very sexual and sensual song. Listen to his other songs and the original. This is a remix of a song from the Hotline Miami soundtrack.
Trevor Something also has a wonderful cover of Enjoy the Silence.


----------



## Morfy

The Chameleon said:


> i just miss him and want him so much and aaaaaah ;w;
> how is it even possible that i love someone this much? this is insane ;w;
> b..but i love it
> i would rather be in an ldr than to never have met him at all, he's amazing and super cute but like really hot and hnnng ;w;
> oh hey um @Morfinyon
> I love you <3


I love you too :blushed:
I hope you're having sweet dreams ^-^
Wanna videochat later? :3


----------



## 7rr7s

I love the little moments throughout the day when I think about her and get overwhelmed with good emotions and butterflies. It feels like she's not so far away from me.


----------



## HellCat

when you are doing the frisk, you can kick a leg backward playfully, rub your inner thigh against a wall, jamb, have fun. Don't be self conscious. 

Lesson 3

Getting to the floor. So you can play, tease, roll around and make him die to touch you. 

I am just posting videos. They do a better job explaining then I can. An excerpt from the S factor pole series. 






Alternately you could drop and spread your thighs, coming onto your knees. 

Swivel your way down and spread your thighs, coming onto your knees.

You could, lean forward and shift your weight side to side on your toes, shaking your ass in a burlesque style shimmy and continue to crawl your hands down your legs, to get to the floor. 

Once there, you can rub your stomach, breasts, arms, play with your hair, bounce up and down a little. 

Crawl. Slowly, twisting your ass side to side, rubbing your, hands, fingers, head on the floor. Rolling over, side to side. 


Lean backwards. 











I liken a lot of lap dance and pole floor work to yoga and pilates done in slow motion, sped up or just scantily clad. 

It requires a lot of muscle control to look effortless.


----------



## Golden Rose

He always knows, he doesn't exactly understands immediately but he tries and always succeeds. With him being in my life I don't need anyone else, I keep waiting for the crash and it never happens, we're both flawed and imperfect but we're perfect for each other. I'd rather keep it private, it's our special thing and we often talk too much about it, but I felt like he truly deserved some louder appreciation, he's worth it.


----------



## Dalton

Karma said:


> He always knows, he doesn't exactly understands immediately but he tries and always succeeds. With him being in my life I don't need anyone else, I keep waiting for the crash and it never happens, we're both flawed and imperfect but we're perfect for each other. I'd rather keep it private, it's our special thing and we often talk too much about it, but I felt like he truly deserved some louder appreciation, he's worth it.


Well SHE ^^^ is fantastic, my everything. She can read me just as well. I want her in my future. I'm worried of basic needs, though (food, shelter, water, career, thank you Mr. Maslow). I want to leave this town and find a new home for both of us, but I kind of need money in order to keep us alive.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Dalton said:


> I kind of need money in order to keep us alive.


That's cute, and also pretty sx/sp-ish of you the way you phrased that.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Just an update to my trip next week to see the new guy-I originally requested a separate hotel room, but didn't realize how far it was from the airport. He offered to pick me up from the airport to take me to the hotel during his lunch break (he will be at a conference all day). I then decided to ask if he was okay with me staying at his hotel room, as long as there were two separate beds. I told him, "Please let me know if this is awkward, because I can just settle for the cheap hotel near the airport." He said that it's fine for me to stay with him, and it's not awkward. I'm on a budget anyway, and would rather not spend the 100-200 bucks for another hotel.

I'm hearing someone from my life saying, "You're low-hanging fruit! You're low-hanging fruit!" I don't plan on doing anything. He's the type of guy where I know he won't push anything, especially if he's now going to upgrade his room to 2 beds. If you can share a room with a man knowing that he won't place expectations on you, that says a lot. 

I still feel anxious. I hate feeling so insecure about love and what the outcome is. I'm trying to feel good and confident, and trust what the universe has in store for me. The rest of you are very lucky to be in relationships. 

My INFJ self is already idealizing and getting excited. I wish my fantasies of love were real, but I have to wait. I like this person, but I just wish that you could find someone that likes you as much as you like them.


----------



## HellCat

CherishYourHeart said:


> . To be honest, my saying that our potential is dead is really the words of a psychic. First, this psychic got the lovers card when I first told her about this guy awhile ago, and said that he wants to get to know me for a relationship. . Now, she's saying it's dead and I shouldn't pursue it. I told her that I was getting anxious and wasn't sure, if I should write him off. Today, the man texted me asking if I needed help with anything, so now I'm wondering if he's still a possibility. This psychic has been wrong about some things, yet right about others. You guys can call me crazy. I would feel better, if you all had proof that psychics could be wrong about relationships. I just have a fear of things not working out, but I also don't want to shut the door if he still likes me. I do like him too. Still, there's anxiety over the future.



1. Words have power. Do not declare things you wish to possess dead.
2. Do not base your life on the words of a psychic. 



Most of them are very clever with reading your tone, voice, energy, body language and have studied hypnotism, Neurolinguistic programming and hot reading. Which is like cold reading only more effective and detailed. Real clairvoyants do not charge you for their service.


All they are charging you for is to give YOU permission to dream, explore and act on knowledge that lives inside you.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

LeoCat said:


> 1. Words have power. Do not declare things you wish to possess dead.
> 2. Do not base your life on the words of a psychic.
> 
> 
> 
> Most of them are very clever with reading your tone, voice, energy, body language and have studied hypnotism, Neurolinguistic programming and hot reading. Which is like cold reading only more effective and detailed. Real clairvoyants do not charge you for their service.
> 
> 
> All they are charging you for is to give YOU permission to dream, explore and act on knowledge that lives inside you.




Thanks, and yes...The "this is dead and don't pursue it" are her words and not mine. There was another woman in my life that said that he must be dating other girls, while he lives out of state. The man himself said, "I'm not seeing anyone else, except you." So, people can be wrong. 

He's coming back to my town for a business trip on December 10th. The ball is in his court now, if he wants to see me. During our text conversation, we were reminiscing about how much fun we had last time we met, and how he thought that it was good to catch up with me through phone.

I can definitely see why other fellow INFJ's on this forum despite dating. The early stages feel like the worst, but I'm going to try to just enjoy the present.


----------



## Endless Rainbows

Does anybody else sometimes feel neglected in your LDR? I feel pretty disconnected from my LDR guy this week. Our relationship has progressed to daily texts, voice texts and some times calls. I feel like I wait for him to be free to be able to skype, we haven't skyped in awhile . . . we're both busy people.

Side note: I'm sick right now and missing both dearly departed parents and having an out-of-state LDR guy really stinks.

Thanks for listening.


----------



## Endless Rainbows

CherishYourHeart said:


> . To be honest, my saying that our potential is dead is really the words of a psychic. First, this psychic got the lovers card when I first told her about this guy awhile ago, and said that he wants to get to know me for a relationship. . Now, she's saying it's dead and I shouldn't pursue it. I told her that I was getting anxious and wasn't sure, if I should write him off. Today, the man texted me asking if I needed help with anything, so now I'm wondering if he's still a possibility. This psychic has been wrong about some things, yet right about others. You guys can call me crazy. I would feel better, if you all had proof that psychics could be wrong about relationships. I just have a fear of things not working out, but I also don't want to shut the door if he still likes me. I do like him too. Still, there's anxiety over the future.


I would recommend not listening to the psychic. I agree with @LeoCat they are good at reading people and will tell you what they think you want to hear. Far fewer legit psychics than not.


----------



## Animal

:ninja:


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Endless Rainbows said:


> CherishYourHeart said:
> 
> 
> 
> . To be honest, my saying that our potential is dead is really the words of a psychic. First, this psychic got the lovers card when I first told her about this guy awhile ago, and said that he wants to get to know me for a relationship. . Now, she's saying it's dead and I shouldn't pursue it. I told her that I was getting anxious and wasn't sure, if I should write him off. Today, the man texted me asking if I needed help with anything, so now I'm wondering if he's still a possibility. This psychic has been wrong about some things, yet right about others. You guys can call me crazy. I would feel better, if you all had proof that psychics could be wrong about relationships. I just have a fear of things not working out, but I also don't want to shut the door if he still likes me. I do like him too. Still, there's anxiety over the future.
> 
> 
> 
> I would recommend not listening to the psychic. I agree with @LeoCat they are good at reading people and will tell you what they think you want to hear. Far fewer legit psychics than not.
Click to expand...

I'm in a good mood now, and don't care what was said in that reading ha.


----------



## Lemxn

It's amazing how a person no matter the conditions can show you tiny but giant actions of love through distance. I fucking love this man.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Long-distance is a bit confusing, but you might as well give it a try.


----------



## Animal

PerC was my first forum ever, aside from facebook which I only used to promote my band. When I first arrived here and heard that people were dating on PErC, I was mind boggled. I thought.. who are these people? "Dating" on a forum?! Are they really really serious?

But now I've met amazing people on perc. I've watched a friend meet her soul mate on perc. I've seen other friends find true love. I've found true friends and I've been through some emotions ;D I guess I am just amazed at the quality of the people here. Of course there are some jerks just like any place.. but there are so many amazing intelligent people and the platform is one that leads to true connection. I can't believe I scoffed so hard at the notion of perc-dating when I got here.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

Animal said:


> PerC was my first forum ever, aside from facebook which I only used to promote my band. When I first arrived here and heard that people were dating on PErC, I was mind boggled. I thought.. who are these people? "Dating" on a forum?! Are they really really serious?
> 
> But now I've met amazing people on perc. I've watched a friend meet her soul mate on perc. I've seen other friends find true love. I've found true friends and I've been through some emotions ;D I guess I am just amazed at the quality of the people here. Of course there are some jerks just like any place.. but there are so many amazing intelligent people and the platform is one that leads to true connection. I can't believe I scoffed so hard at the notion of perc-dating when I got here.


. I agree. This place is great. Only if there was a dating realm like this in the real world


----------



## Lemxn

Animal said:


> PerC was my first forum ever, aside from facebook which I only used to promote my band. When I first arrived here and heard that people were dating on PErC, I was mind boggled. I thought.. who are these people? "Dating" on a forum?! Are they really really serious?


Gosh, I rememeber to think the same thing! Three months after that I met my current partner and understood everything.


> But now I've met amazing people on perc. I've watched a friend meet her soul mate on perc. I've seen other friends find true love. I've found true friends and I've been through some emotions ;D I guess I am just amazed at the quality of the people here. Of course there are some jerks just like any place.. but there are so many amazing intelligent people and the platform is one that leads to true connection. I can't believe I scoffed so hard at the notion of perc-dating when I got here.


This forum had so much impact on my life in any ways. like you, I have met the most amazing people and the men I love the most. Since a year ago this place became my home. It's just an amazing place.This forum is like Cupid.


----------



## CherishYourHeart

I had made a weepy post earlier thinking that the man I'm seeing is in my town, and that he hadn't contacted me..and that it must be dead.

I texted my male friend (like a brother) that this guy isn't interested. He said, "Did you at least contact him?" I said no. My guy friend then explained to me that he's probably waiting for me and thinks that I'm not interested. I was scared as hell...But...

I texted him if he would like to grab a drink. It turns out that he hasn't left his town yet, but will be flying in this weekend. He said he would like to see me this Saturday evening, and appeared happy to hear from me.

Here I was....catastrophizing for the past few weeks that the connection was dead (as the psychic claimed) or that I need to dump him and move on.


----------



## Out0fAmmo

Just finalized plans to see @MBTI Enthusiast in a few weeks. This will be our sixth visit, and our first New Year's together. I'm so thankful and blessed that this amazing woman has come into my life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there's no one else in the world for me except her. We bring out the best in each other and give each other so much joy and happiness. I can't wait to see her again :happy:


----------



## HellCat

I am working on plans to decorate a house with mine. Within the next three months we will be living together forever.


----------



## ClarityOfVision

CherishYourHeart said:


> I had made a weepy post earlier thinking that the man I'm seeing is in my town, and that he hadn't contacted me..and that it must be dead.
> 
> I texted my male friend (like a brother) that this guy isn't interested. He said, "Did you at least contact him?" I said no. My guy friend then explained to me that he's probably waiting for me and thinks that I'm not interested. I was scared as hell...But...
> 
> I texted him if he would like to grab a drink. It turns out that he hasn't left his town yet, but will be flying in this weekend. He said he would like to see me this Saturday evening, and appeared happy to hear from me.
> 
> Here I was....catastrophizing for the past few weeks that the connection was dead (as the psychic claimed) or that I need to dump him and move on.


Assumptions are the mother of all fuckups  Clear communication is key in any situation, no matter what happens.


----------



## cinnabun

I've never been happier than I have been these past (almost) 4 months <3.

My partner is wonderful. I love speaking with him everyday. I love how strong we are, and how we can talk to each other about anything. I love how honest and direct we are with one another. When he told me he liked me, I was conflicted over what to do, but I told myself if I didn't snatch him up, someone else would. I feel so happy and slightly envious of other peoples LDR stories. When they talk about being with their partner and stuff, I long for that. I really can't wait for next year. And, I fucking love this thread. I'm not one for going public with my cheesy feels, but in this thread it's acceptable. Yay:kitteh: <3!


----------



## ClarityOfVision

I just finished an LDR, but not in the good way. We drifted apart during the period. I was changing a lot, she was changing a lot and even though she was willing to work on it I saw not future anymore. We had been together for almost 2 years before we started the LDR. For the people that read this I will give some general elements that influenced my situation so maybe they will be of use to you:


Don’t do open relationships. I know it’s a gross generalization, but please guys, it most of the time doesn’t work out one way or another. My experience with this is horrible. Filled with lies, miscommunication, jealousy.
Don’t just tell your partner what you’re doing, SHARE what you’re doing. Don’t give them reports of your day, but share what you did, what you liked, how it relates to you as a couple (!!!!). I got a lot of day reports without any added value to the dynamics of the relationship.
Do things together. This is very difficult especially if there are different time zones involved, but cook at the same time or have sex through Skype. I know you may feel uncomfortable, but this does strengthen the bond especially if the LDR is months or years.
Modern technology opens up very fast communication, this has advantages but also disadvantages. A huge disadvantage is that you already told each other everything by the time you Skype. I would say tune down on the WhatsApp/Skype chat/Viber chat and tell the person through Skype. Don’t remove them, but don’t share everything before you call, as the calling will then be less nice and in fact this is where the magic should happen in an LDR.
Listen to your partner and his/her needs. I was on the side not being listened to, being told: “Deal with your problems” and “Not my problem”. This stuff is not nice to hear and puts a strain on the contact.
You’ll make new friends in new places, but don’t exclude your partner from this development. These friends augment your life there, but don’t lose sight of the amazing person on the other side.
Don’t stay if you see no future. Don’t blame everything on the LDR. Sometimes people just drift apart or realize something that makes the current relationship not worth it anymore. Don’t stay when you realize this, leave. Leaving will make it easier for everybody, otherwise it becomes a mess.
 
I hope this helps some of you. I had to learn the hard way and I hope you have better stories to tell. I must admit the LDR destroyed me mentally and tired me emotionally. Now it’s all over and done with, gotta move on.


----------



## The Chameleon

I've been missing him so much lately. It makes me feel so lonely. Longing seems like an accurate word. I'd melt if I could just hold him and kiss him and cuddle him and be close to him. 
Sometimes I get flashes, almost, where it feels like he's there and he really is in my arms and they aren't hallucinations. It just feels so real and then I'm left missing him more than before. 



ClarityOfVision said:


> I just finished an LDR, but not in the good way. We drifted apart during the period. I was changing a lot, she was changing a lot and even though she was willing to work on it I saw not future anymore. We had been together for almost 2 years before we started the LDR. For the people that read this I will give some general elements that influenced my situation so maybe they will be of use to you:
> 
> 
> Don’t do open relationships. I know it’s a gross generalization, but please guys, it most of the time doesn’t work out one way or another. My experience with this is horrible. Filled with lies, miscommunication, jealousy.
> Don’t just tell your partner what you’re doing, SHARE what you’re doing. Don’t give them reports of your day, but share what you did, what you liked, how it relates to you as a couple (!!!!). I got a lot of day reports without any added value to the dynamics of the relationship.
> Do things together. This is very difficult especially if there are different time zones involved, but cook at the same time or have sex through Skype. I know you may feel uncomfortable, but this does strengthen the bond especially if the LDR is months or years.
> Modern technology opens up very fast communication, this has advantages but also disadvantages. A huge disadvantage is that you already told each other everything by the time you Skype. I would say tune down on the WhatsApp/Skype chat/Viber chat and tell the person through Skype. Don’t remove them, but don’t share everything before you call, as the calling will then be less nice and in fact this is where the magic should happen in an LDR.
> Listen to your partner and his/her needs. I was on the side not being listened to, being told: “Deal with your problems” and “Not my problem”. This stuff is not nice to hear and puts a strain on the contact.
> You’ll make new friends in new places, but don’t exclude your partner from this development. These friends augment your life there, but don’t lose sight of the amazing person on the other side.
> Don’t stay if you see no future. Don’t blame everything on the LDR. Sometimes people just drift apart or realize something that makes the current relationship not worth it anymore. Don’t stay when you realize this, leave. Leaving will make it easier for everybody, otherwise it becomes a mess.
> 
> I hope this helps some of you. I had to learn the hard way and I hope you have better stories to tell. I must admit the LDR destroyed me mentally and tired me emotionally. Now it’s all over and done with, gotta move on.


*acknowledges that this post is great with stuff for ldr couples and that i feel sympathy for the poster*


----------



## koalaroo

Frustrated. The guy I've been dating is getting deployed.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Couple's Tumbkiss is amazing. I never felt so close to him.


----------



## cinnabun

This summer I'll be meeting my partner for the first time.

Can't wait♥.


----------



## The Chameleon

anyone got tips for how to tell your (ldr) s.o you love them when they're the most amazing person ever and they fill you with joy and love and happiness but "I love you" doesn't even begin to cover it? muchos gracias


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Endless Rainbows said:


> It is difficult to not touch your loved one. I have a tshirt of my guy and I smell it like Mary Gallagher (Molly Shannon character from SNL) smells her armpits. It makes me feel like a perv but it makes me feel closer to him.


Same here! Every visit my bf leaves behind a shirt for me, and I have to admit it helps a lot! His scent is so sexy and soothing at the same time.


----------



## Endless Rainbows

The Chameleon said:


> anyone got tips for how to tell your (ldr) s.o you love them when they're the most amazing person ever and they fill you with joy and love and happiness but "I love you" doesn't even begin to cover it? muchos gracias


I write long letters expressing my feelings, about how amazing I find him, how he's better than anything I wished for. Nothing like some heartfelt words and hand written letters are a lot better than e-mails.




MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Same here! Every visit my bf leaves behind a shirt for me, and I have to admit it helps a lot! His scent is so sexy and soothing at the same time.


Yes, I love my man's scent too. It means our Major histocompatibility complexes are different enough (if you've ever taken Immunology) that we can mate, woohoo!! This explains why one finds the scent of close relatives repulsive (I found the stink of my brother and my father just ew) to deter mating. Yes, so sexy and soothing. Good description!!


----------



## The Chameleon

Endless Rainbows said:


> I write long letters expressing my feelings, about how amazing I find him, how he's better than anything I wished for. Nothing like some heartfelt words and hand written letters are a lot better than e-mails.


I did that once and it was awesome. 
Also I really wanna send stuff but international postage (dat $$$) combined with the inevitable "Nicole why the hell are you shipping your panties to Germany" is kind of stopping me.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

The Chameleon said:


> anyone got tips for how to tell your (ldr) s.o you love them when they're the most amazing person ever and they fill you with joy and love and happiness but "I love you" doesn't even begin to cover it? muchos gracias


I wrote him long ass letters.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Endless Rainbows said:


> Yes, I love my man's scent too. It means our Major histocompatibility complexes are different enough (if you've ever taken Immunology) that we can mate, woohoo!! This explains why one finds the scent of close relatives repulsive (I found the stink of my brother and my father just ew) to deter mating. Yes, so sexy and soothing. Good description!!


Yep! I learned that in a Human Bonding class I sat in on. Except I'm on birth control pills which supposedly simulates pregnancy and messes with that whole system, so you end up being attracted to people with the more similar MHCs. :/


----------



## DiamondDays

To everyone in here in a successful long term LDR: FUCK YOU SO MUCH, I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS.

Never knew envy like this before.


----------



## Endless Rainbows

DiamondDays said:


> To everyone in here in a successful long term LDR: FUCK YOU SO MUCH, I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS.
> 
> Never knew envy like this before.


I am a bit alarmed and also slightly amused.

Trust me, LDR isn't all it is cracked up to be, a lot of lonely nights and missing the other person. If I could I would magic us into the same state at least, I would.

Did a LDR not work for you?


----------



## DiamondDays

Endless Rainbows said:


> I am a bit alarmed and also slightly amused.
> 
> Trust me, LDR isn't all it is cracked up to be, a lot of lonely nights and missing the other person. If I could I would magic us into the same state at least, I would.
> 
> Did a LDR not work for you?


Trust me i know about the lonely nights.

Yeah, we were engaged to marry with a date and a venue set up and partially payed for. Money lined up. She'd bought the dress, shit like that. 

SO. fucking. bitter.

I mean honestly though i do wish everyone else all the luck. It's just... gahhh. LDRs are a elaborate way of self torture.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

DiamondDays said:


> To everyone in here in a successful long term LDR: FUCK YOU SO MUCH, I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS.
> 
> Never knew envy like this before.


Is 2 years very long?


----------



## Endless Rainbows

DiamondDays said:


> Trust me i know about the lonely nights.
> 
> Yeah, we were engaged to marry with a date and a venue set up and partially payed for. Money lined up. She'd bought the dress, shit like that.
> 
> SO. fucking. bitter.
> 
> I mean honestly though i do wish everyone else all the luck. It's just... gahhh. LDRs are a elaborate way of self torture.


Ouch. That's gotta hurt. So sorry. No advice from me. Life sometimes really sucks. We pick ourselves up and keep going. 

I do hope you get over your disappointment sooner than later. =/


----------



## Macrosapien

my experiences with long distance relationships have been dreadful. I am not saying it is not possible, or anything, but honestly it has been horrible. I would probably never ever even attempt to do one again. She would have to be a living manifestation of everything I hope and desire for, to even be remotely interested. I have experienced so much pain from this. kudos to those who have success in it, and actually meet the right person. My friend did through a MMORPG, and they live together now. so its possible and stuff, just doesnt work for me.


----------



## HellCat

I think long distance relationships work best when you just know you are absolutely ideal for the other and the thought of being with anyone else feels like less to both of you. Or even saddens you or angers both of you..

In my case I am so fucking weird and picky the only man I would move for is the one I am marrying in three weeks.


----------



## Lemxn

Plane tickets in hand!


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

If you find yourselves in a situation where you can finally meet up with your partner in person, but only temporarily before going back to how it was before, it can be really tough to deal with. The better the in-person meet up goes, the harder it will be to let go of. Distance really only begins to matter in an LDR once it's been closed because then you know what that difference is really like.

I would say this situation is probably the most difficult obstacle an LDR has to face, at least from my personal experience. The transition from being in the same room to being countries apart again nearly destroyed my LDR with @confused girl28. We finally made it through and are recovering, but only just in time.

If it had been possible for me to stay there in her country when I was there to see her, I would've. But it wasn't, and it kills me everyday that I had to leave. My advice to you other fine folks out there is to be aware of what you're getting into should you actually go so far as to meet your partner in person. Try to be as ready for all the transitions as you can before they sneak up on you. Hopefully they'll go as smooth as they can that way.


----------



## Macrosapien

let me tell you a story.

The first was back in 2010, lasted until the end of the summer 2011. I fell for her fast, she was visually, so beautiful. Although that never mattered to me. Her and I had immense chemistry, never have I experienced something like that in my whole life, although recently I met someone who have this type of connection with in my city, but I am just being her friend, as I dont think I could ever handle another break up again from this type of connection. I would talk to this person, my PerC girl, for 7 hrs sometimes on the phone. We connected on so many levels, mental, emotional, spiritual, romance, sexual.. it was amazing. But then it got weird, real fast. She was withholding things from me, assuring that she would tell me everything when she comes to visit me in the summer, only to make up a lie and break up with me. She later told me what happened and why she lied (it made sense, so I understood, although I wouldve stayed by her side despite that, which is something that she did not expect) but that was years later... but after she broke up with me she came back and wanted to be with me again and then she broke up with me again. And then things fell a part for good nov 2011...


I just hope everyone in a long distant relationship is like a detective, know for sure what is infront of you, and put all the cards on the table, each person involved, do not hold anything back, but be so honest, open, and vulnerable with one another. otherwise things will come up later and totally destroy the situation. I feel like I have wasted so much time on all of this, only to experience heart break, and being so sensitive internally, and wearing my heart on my sleeve, it has been utterly brutal. Pplease be sure to know what you want, dont rush anything -- take it easy -- you have time, if you are honest with your feelings. If not, just please voice your concerns and issues, dont be afraid to disappoint, or hurt someone, you have to do the right thing.. otherwise things will go on too long, and you may find yourself in a situation where the hurt will become even worst. I know, and I still am said about everything. just be careful guys and gals. Hopefully you have better success than I did, its not something I am built for


----------



## 7rr7s

Valentines Day is different this time of year. When I was looking for a card for her, all of them said cute things like "the way you make me feel when I hold you," "every time we kiss," "when I first met you," "the way you hold my hand," and it made me sad because I'm not able to do those things with her. I would love to hold her just for a little bit. I won't have the pleasure of her touch like other couples will this Valentines Day, but it reminds me of how much I long to be with her, and how amazing it will be when we're finally able to be together.


----------



## HellCat

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Valentines Day is different this time of year. When I was looking for a card for her, all of them said cute things like "the way you make me feel when I hold you," "every time we kiss," "when I first met you," "the way you hold my hand," and it made me sad because I'm not able to do those things with her. I would love to hold her just for a little bit. I won't have the pleasure of her touch like other couples will this Valentines Day, but it reminds me of how much I long to be with her, and how amazing it will be when we're finally able to be together.


Aw blue, 

Well you guys are cultivating a friendship, passion and commitment that people who only know one another in person often never manage.

You have to be "interesting" to be together. Can't rely on sex, activities or take out food and movies like most couples who start getting bored with one another the first month.

So you're lucky.


----------



## Lemxn

It was just _amazing_ to wake up today with a phone call from him. I want his voice to be the soundtrack of my life. I want this 114 days past fast so I can hug/kiss him till we can't breath. 

[/corny moment is over]


----------



## Morfy

ClarityOfVision said:


> I do believe the dating world is a market. It's nothing but pros and cons of people you can be with. Everybody is a potential partner, but only a few get through our criteria. I call this a market. Some people are in higher demand than others and other people are demanded by no one. There is also this thing called feelings, something that I think is a part of the market system and therefore should be taken into account when making decisions.


And I think that's a sick, unhealthy view of the dating world that won't get you very far.



ClarityOfVision said:


> When you have found a person that you want to be with and they want to be with you, you engage in a "relationship". This is a concept made by society to give us security in our lives by creating some sort of contract between people. (A very vague contract most of the time). This contract is usually based on the concept of "being in love", and also that is a pretty vague concept. I believe feelings are a decision we can make, we can decide to feel something for a person or we can decide not to feel something for a person. And if that holds true, we can fall in love with anyone. But we don't want to, because some people are better partners to us than others. Again, the criteria come back.


It's not a contract. You didn't make any agreements. It's an emotional bond. Feelings are not a "decision" we make. Feelings influence the decisions we make. Sorry to break it to you but you're not in full control of everything.


ClarityOfVision said:


> Are you aware that you're falling in love? Can you influence this process? Do you not entertain the idea of being in a relationship with someone you met? Do you believe this is cheating?


Of course I'm aware of being in love. I notice that in many different ways. For example I love many things about my boyfriend, dream about him nearly every night and he makes me feel comforted and loved. Also I'm really attracted to him and spending time with him or thinking about him makes me feel good.
I never really entertain the thought of being a relationship with someone I met because it'd be weird to? 
You don't go from meeting > relationship. There's time in between in which you are just dating and seeing if it works out.



ClarityOfVision said:


> I had no intention of devaluing the relationships, and I don't believe that I did. I never said you should look for someone closer, I merely said to be aware of the people around you and *not be blinded by any one relationship*. This applies to any relationship, whether or not it is a long distance one.


You may have not had the intention but it's what you did.
I'm always aware of the people around me. Does that mean I could imagine myself actively looking for dates right now? No. A relationship is way stronger than superficial attractions and there are deeper feelings and emotional bonds involved. You don't just break it off because you found someone attractive closer to you unless you didn't really care that much about your relationship in the first place which she obivously does.


----------



## ClarityOfVision

Rinnie said:


> Sorry, but what the hell? Of course it's a bad thing. Who wouldn't be against cheating?
> This implies that you support the idea of cheating, in which case, I hope that it never happens to you.
> IMO, cheating is all of those things.


Cheating can be done for any number of reasons, I don't perceive it as something bad in itself. Thing is it hurts your partner, you don't want this because you still love this person. Then you can hide it from them, there's nothing wrong with that I think. I guess you think there's something wrong with that, because of exclusivity in the relationship. But you're not being non-exclusive in the emotional sense. You still only love your partner as your partner. The person you cheated on your partner with was nothing more than a friend, and will never be more than a friend. Is it then wrong still? I know you wouldn't do that, but do you think it's wrong? And if so, why?



Rinnie said:


> Now you're beginning to irritate me. You don't even know me, how can you say that I'm not "open to possibilities"? Didn't I just say in a previous post of mine that before entering my LDR, I weighed out the pros and cons of it?
> I have explored all of the possibilities, now I've chosen one and I'm sticking to it.


But would you still stick to it if something else came up now? You weighed the possibilities when you made the decision, but circumstances change. Would you be blind to new opportunities now? I'm not bashing your decision-making skills, I'm merely making the remark that stubbornness may make you miss out on a better thing.



Rinnie said:


> Just out of curiosity, would you be saying all of this to a couple who met irl and were not in an LDR? A married couple who'd been together for years?


Yes to both questions. I believe one should always be looking for the optimal partner. This doesn't mean that you should switch relationships all the time, you should only switch when you come across someone better. And what "better" means is a value only the person in question can make.



Morfinyon said:


> And I think that's a sick, unhealthy view of the dating world that won't get you very far.


Why? Isn’t everything a matter of pros and cons? Even emotions: Who do I love more? Her/him or the other person? It’s weighing possibilities. It could very well be we’re talking about the same thing, except that I’m approaching it differently than you.



Morfinyon said:


> It's not a contract. You didn't make any agreements. It's an emotional bond. Feelings are not a "decision" we make. Feelings influence the decisions we make. Sorry to break it to you but you're not in full control of everything.


Then who is in full control? If you’re not in control, who is? Nobody else than you issues control over you. Unconscious processes may play a role, but I don’t believe falling in love is among them. We are very much aware of falling in love, like you said. This means that we can also decide NOT to fall in love.
And I’m not sure what you mean with emotional bond. I know what the term means, but have you not discussed certain agreements in the relationship, such as cheating? Do you solely rely on this emotional bond?



Morfinyon said:


> I never really entertain the thought of being a relationship with someone I met because it'd be weird to?
> You don't go from meeting > relationship. There's time in between in which you are just dating and seeing if it works out.


I fully agree, and I didn’t mean someone you just met, I meant someone you met. Like a friend, a classmate or acquaintance you’re spending time with. You could be in a relationship with any of them. But you don’t want to initiate (and maybe neither do they).



Morfinyon said:


> You may have not had the intention but it's what you did.
> I'm always aware of the people around me. Does that mean I could imagine myself actively looking for dates right now? No. A relationship is way stronger than superficial attractions and there are deeper feelings and emotional bonds involved. You don't just break it off because you found someone attractive closer to you unless you didn't really care that much about your relationship in the first place which she obivously does.


Then I apologize that I gave off that impression. I just want to get the lot of you critically thinking about what actually you’re doing. According to your definition I never had a relationship, even though I had them. Maybe they work different for the both of us? Would explain a lot of the misunderstandings going on here. It’s also not about superficial attraction, it’s about spending time with the person and seeing how compatible you are with that other person.


----------



## Helios

ClarityOfVision said:


> You misunderstand, you if you truly love that person, DON'T BREAK IT OFF. Never do that, that's unnecessary. However, if you find someone closer don't stay with the LDR for the sake of loyalty only.


But if you really love that person, why would you be looking for opportunities closer? If you are, you're just wasting your time and the other party in the LDR's time. (In fact, I would go as far as saying you do not need to be in any sort of committed relationship if you're always looking for other options) Also, just because you're in the same geographical location as someone, does not mean they won't break your heart, lie to you, and dick you over. To assume that just because you are in the same geographical location as someone it gives you more "control" over the negative outcomes in the relationship is absolute bullshit. And everyone by now should know that when any relationship ends-- be it friendship, a relationship (long distance or not), a marriage-- it's going to fucking suck no matter what. Proximity does not change that. It won't guarantee a lasting relationship. So in my opinion, the way in which you are "giving advice" is not even remotely helpful and it seems more like you trying to rain on everyone else's parade because whatever LDR you were in did not work out.


----------



## Helios

But in other news, in about 6 weeks another visit will be happening for me. I'm looking forward to it.


----------



## cinnabun

ClarityOfVision said:


> Cheating can be done for any number of reasons, I don't perceive it as something bad in itself.


I wonder if you'll be saying the same thing if your partner were to ever cheat on you.

Me thinks no.



ClarityOfVision said:


> Thing is it hurts your partner, you don't want this because you still love this person. Then you can hide it from them, there's nothing wrong with that I think.


I don't even have the words for this.

This is why so many people have such shitty views about relationships, and why so many people have trust issues. God damn.



ClarityOfVision said:


> But you're not being non-exclusive in the emotional sense. You still only love your partner as your partner.


Who is non-exclusive? I don't understand.



ClarityOfVision said:


> The person you cheated on your partner with was nothing more than a friend, and will never be more than a friend. Is it then wrong still? I know you wouldn't do that, but do you think it's wrong? And if so, why?


Because you're supposed to be a decent human being and love your partner and you should want to be with them and _only_ them. Being in a relationship requires commitment, if you can't handle that and if you would prefer to sleep around not caring about who you hurt in the process, then you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. Simple.



ClarityOfVision said:


> But would you still stick to it if something else came up now? You weighed the possibilities when you made the decision, but circumstances change. Would you be blind to new opportunities now? I'm not bashing your decision-making skills, I'm merely making the remark that stubbornness may make you miss out on a better thing.


Holy hell, _I'm_ being stubborn? _You're_ the one who keeps going on about "But, you might meet someone else you like!!! Think about this! You're not open to possibilities!!" I respected your opinion/questioning at first because you were only asking and you weren't being rude, but I'm getting frustrated because I feel you're not even reading what I'm saying to you. 

Is it possible my boyfriend or myself might meet someone irl, develop feelings for them, and would prefer to be with them? The sad and scary truth is: yes.

However, I have faith in out relationship. I believe him when he tells me he loves me, and I know he believes me when I tell him the same. I have faith our relationship is going to work-out, I believe we were made for each other, so why would I want to dwell on what _could_ happen? I don't understand what you're trying to achieve here. Are you just going to keep going until I give in and lose faith in what I believe in? Cause that's not happening.



ClarityOfVision said:


> Yes to both questions. I believe one should always be looking for the optimal partner. This doesn't mean that you should switch relationships all the time, you should only switch when you come across someone better. And what "better" means is a value only the person in question can make.


Okay, well my response to that is: If you're constantly searching for the "perfect" partner, how are you ever going to just relax and enjoy what you have now?


----------



## Scarab

So amazingly awesome y'all! 

Whoever you are, reader: work hard on that LDR of yours! öwö/

* ^¨. ;:
¨.; '¨-.
¨~, ´
\öwö/


----------



## 7rr7s

Alright I'm about to fuck you up with some knowledge.



ClarityOfVision said:


> I'm sorry to hear that  Keep your eyes open for other opportunities closer to you though! What's it worth if you can't see the person? Sure, it's very poetic, this long term love and everything, but you can't wait forever. And how do you know it'll work out in a year? Maybe then you'll wait 2 years, or 3, 4, 5...when is it enough waiting?* Is he really that great *or is the image you have of him great and subject to disillusionment when you see each other. I don't know the details, I just want to give you some food for thought.


Yes, I really am that great. And since you don't know all the details, maybe you should stop giving shitty condescending advice. 



ClarityOfVision said:


> That nobody ever made you feel this way before, doesn't mean that nobody else ever will, and who knows this person may be closer to your location. I'm not saying start looking, I'm saying keep your eyes open. Why limit yourself from possibilities that may just be as viable? *Maybe you don't have any, and that's fine as well. I'm just saying that when they come, don't discard them for the sake of honor or loyalty. Why be loyal when there's something better?*
> 
> Again, I'm not trying to convince you to break it off, I'm trying to make you see the possibilities. Nothing is set in stone.


Every attractive woman has plenty of options. And as someone who has been cheated on, I think that last comment is unnecessarily hurtful and naive. Any one who has no honor or loyalty in a relationship deserves none in return. You apparently have none and I hope that one day you get your heart ripped out of you by being cheated on. Maybe that will give you the clarity your vision seems to lack. 

That being said, someone with no sense of loyalty in relationships has no fucking right to be giving advice to people in monogamous relationships. 



ClarityOfVision said:


> It's great to see that you're that loyal to him. And of course you're not looking for someone else "just in case", that's not what I meant either. Be with him, maybe you'll even spend your life together. But also don't discard anyone, that would be a waste.* Maybe I've never been in something 100%, and that's just why I don't understand your argument of never wanting to be with someone else. I know the feeling, that you never want to leave that person's (figurative) side, but for me it was always mixed with "for however long it lasts". My feelings decrease fast when I don't see a person, and I'm not a big fan of holding onto visions that I have of a certain person, as they are more often than not wrong.*


You should start being upfront about that with the people you are seeing, otherwise you'll be leading people on and hurting them which is a dick thing to do. That's fine to be that way, don't get me wrong, but don't say you're in it %100 if you aren't. 




> I don't disagree with LDR, but people have to be aware of everything that it entails, and from the thread I get the feeling it's all "yay I'm going to see him/her in 2 years, 5 days and 16 hours". And that's good, something to look forward to. But where is the reality that 2 years, 5 days and 16 hours is a really long time? There seems to be no doubt in your heads, nothing in your heart the sways from your SO. I find this hard to comprehend, do you not see other people that may be just as good or even better? Do you never think about what it would be like to be with xyz?
> 
> It doesn't mean that you're going to fail, it means there are more risks than I see in this thread. More concerns and possibilities that are voiced here...
> 
> You probably do think about these things, but they are not voiced here. Maybe concerns are not voiced in this thread, and that's why it seems everybody is blind. That's why they call it a support thread, concerns and support. Happiness to get through the whole ordeal. You're probably all aware of it, but hope keeps you going. I admire your devotion, your unshakeable loyalty. I never felt something like that.
> 
> My apologies.


All of this isn't specific to LDRs though, so why aren;t you posting this same stuff in other threads about relationships? Most relationships fail. Most marriages fail. People look for something better, fall out of love, get bored, cheat, grow apart, ect. Your views aren't wrong necessarily, but why are you acting like it's only people in LDRs that deal with this? It comes off as very negative and condescending. We know the risks and we know that the stakes are higher in LDRs. If you can't stomach the risk, don't play the game. 



Pseudonymity said:


> In all honesty, I hate to do this, but I have to agree with @_ClarityOfVision_ here. I don't think he is saying, oh just forget about it, it will never happen. I dont think he is raining on anyways parade, I think he is giving a very rational opinion. His opinion, will hinder the suffering that is experienced during the process of waiting and if the situation does end, prematurely, or doesn't work out. Keeping a dream alive, and having faith in a situation, is important in this process, however, I believe, through my own experiences, you should not identify too much with it, just enough so that you don't get hurt.* Believe me it is painful as hell for something like this to not work out, it hurts so bad, and it especially sucks, when you realize how much time you have wasted.* There has to be a rational part in this, it may not happen and if it does, it may not work out the way you want it. Statistically this is factual. This is not a pessimistic perspective, it's just realistic.


See above. This isn't just a LDR thing, this happens in every relationship. Most of them fail. But I'm wondering why he's coming in here, and making it sound like all of this is specific to LDRs. Breakups are painful, the end of relationships are painful, even if they end well. 

As to the bolded part, if you think of it as a waste of time, you're looking at it the wrong way. Even if it ends completely shitty for you, you at least learned some lessons like how to select better quality partners, how to change course or exit before it gets to that level of being a nightmare, how to become a better partner yourself ect. That's not a waste of time. And if you had a really good relationship, it wasn't a waste of time anyways. 

The only time I can see it being a waste of time is if you're a woman dating around who wants to start a family. That makes sense as pregnancies carry more risks the older you get, but aside from that I wouldn't consider most relationships a waste of time. 



> Our imagination can get the best of us, we get caught in feelings and emotions, which can become a source of suffering later. Our imaginations imposes or projects a whole future, expectations, we feel like we need to remain in the feelings that we have, they feel good. but you have to be careful. It may not be a bad thing to keep your eyes open, not that you actively look for someone to replace said person, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. We don't know what can happen, you have to protect yourself from yourself sometimes, stay grounded. I say this from the perspective of someone who has been through it, twice, those moments have not left me, and they really changed my perception of relationships. I went from an idealistic guy, who through my experiences in relationships, I wanted to try something different, perhaps I could better find someone who relates to me, and is special. I wanted to be married, I felt that there was someone out there for me, like a soul-mateish person. But now, I don't think I believe in that anymore, nor am I idealistic like I used, so willing to love, and I never want to marry again. I dont want anyone to go through that and end up like this, I dont like being this way, as it is not natural to my nature, but now I am left with unfufilled futures, that died before they come to life, for varying reasons. just protect yourself people... in the end you are all you have, and whatever doesnt become who you hope to be, you will be left with. And you dont want to enter a situation, where you just stay with someone because you have put so much time into it, and suffer all the way through it. there is much to think about, just protect yourselves. I hope for everyone in this thread to make it, and succeed, but realistically, it's just not going to happen for everyone. and for that person who it may not happen for, protect yourself before hand, so that it doesnt destroy you.


It's like in boxing, *protect yourself at all times. *Put yourself first, always. Be vigilant, be selective, be aware of who you are with. Never sacrifice your ideals, your vision for your life for someone else, and always be prepared to leave if you have to. Solid advice for ALL RELATIONSHIPS, *NOT JUST LDRS.*

Seriously, if you and clarity think that and post it all over the forum, fine. But don't come in here acting like this shit only happens to people in LDRs because it comes off as very condescending and pisses people off. 



ClarityOfVision said:


> I agree, my first post in this "series" was very negative, and I should've worded it different. My main point is that people should look at everything in their surroundings, and not let themselves be blinded by one amazing thing. You can look at one side of the landscape, but you won't know how beautiful the other side is until you look at that too, or at least consider the fact the other side may be more beautiful.
> 
> I never advocated cheating. If you find someone else closer to you, you should break it off with the other person. Simple as that. However, our definitions of cheating may differ, because what is cheating? Is cheating a bad thing? You seem to be against the notion of it. Is the act of sleeping with someone else cheating? Kissing someone else? Hugging? Maybe it starts with emotional involvement?


Bullshit, you said earlier "why be loyal when there's something better?" Turn the tables around. Would you be okay if you were witha girl who slept with someone else? And if you're fine with being with a girl who sleeps with, kisses, and has an emotional involvement with someone else, then you're gonna end up either hurt or raising someone elses child. I hope this happens to you sooner rather than later, with the exceptin of the child part because the thought of you raising a child is pretty terrifying. 



> This is defined by the people in the relationship, but I wonder how many of you have discussed this specific paradigm. Who knows the definitions of you and your LDR partner could differ greatly. This is not bad and I'm by no means advocating doing something that may hurt another person. But what they don't know cannot hurt them, right? Of course, your own moral values are paramount in this, and for some people the values of the partner are more important than their own. Also not bad, just be aware.


First off, if you don;t the the situations of anothers relationship then maybe you should stay the fuck out of it. Secondly, what;s your track record been like? Tell me why you're qualified to be dishing out relationship advice that promotes cheating, looking for someone better, ect. Unless you have left all of your girls for better ones, actually have high quality options, and can mantain a successful relationship, then you're just talking out your ass and are living in a fantasy world.



> This post in the category: Food for thought.
> 
> P.S. There is no good or bad, as long as both people are happy it's great. Just don't blind yourself from more happiness should it come to you (landscape).


Someone like that should have open relationships or not get involved with anyone then. 



ClarityOfVision said:


> You misunderstand, you if you truly love that person, DON'T BREAK IT OFF. Never do that, that's unnecessary. However, if you find someone closer don't stay with the LDR for the sake of loyalty only.


You could say that about ANY relationship though, so stop fucking making this about LDRs. If you're dating someone in the same city as you, and you meet someone better, should they stay with them out of loyalty? What if they're married? Should they cheat? This shit happens ALL THE TIME. It's one thing to advocate that people should not be loyal and always pursue the better person, but don't come in here and say that it's only people in LDRs who should consider this. 



ClarityOfVision said:


> She does not seem open to possibilities, even if they could be better. I think one should explore all possibilities before one can say that a possibility is "the best" or, in this case, "the one". Not being open to improvement is just a waste of resources I think (landscape analogy).


In case you haven't figured it out yet, I AM THE BEST OPTION. Being open to others would be a waste of resources. Would you rather own a highrise in Manhattan or 100 acres of tundra? 



ClarityOfVision said:


> I do believe the dating world is a market. It's nothing but pros and cons of people you can be with. Everybody is a potential partner, but only a few get through our criteria. I call this a market. Some people are in higher demand than others and other people are demanded by no one. There is also this thing called feelings, something that I think is a part of the market system and therefore should be taken into account when making decisions.


There are 7 billion people in the world, so of course everyone is a potential partner. If you really wanted to you could fall in love with anyone. But even if you had alot of options, and did nothing but date from the time you're 18 until you die, you wouldn't even explore a quarter of those options. 

And to even be moving up to better opportunities you need to have options. To always be uprading partners means you need cosnsitently better options, which means you yourself have to have massive value on the market. 

A super model could do that because her sexual value is so high, and a powerful business man could do that because his resources make him valuable. I've met both kinds of people like that, and I'm pretty positive you could not even run in those circles which means that your idea of always seeing better options is no more idealistic than two people falling in love and only being with the same person the rest of their lives. And I have seen those people too, couples who were highschool sweethearts and married young and stayed married for 75+ years. 



> When you have found a person that you want to be with and they want to be with you, you engage in a "relationship". This is a concept made by society to give us security in our lives by creating some sort of contract between people. (A very vague contract most of the time). This contract is usually based on the concept of "being in love", and also that is a pretty vague concept. I believe feelings are a decision we can make, we can decide to feel something for a person or we can decide not to feel something for a person. And if that holds true, we can fall in love with anyone. But we don't want to, because some people are better partners to us than others. Again, the criteria come back.


Theres some truth to that. You can fall in love and create the experiences with people, and you can also choose to block out your feelings when you feel it happening. It's all endorphins and chemicals. You feel adrennaline when you feel fear, but you can choose to not be afraid or to push past the fear. 



> Are you aware that you're falling in love? Can you influence this process? Do you not entertain the idea of being in a relationship with someone you met? Do you believe this is cheating?


Would you be comfortable with someone you're with doing this, and all the other shit about keeping options open and disregarding loyalty? The street goes both ways, and women cheat just as much if not more than men, despite what you may think. 



> I had no intention of devaluing the relationships, and I don't believe that I did. I never said you should look for someone closer, I merely said to be aware of the people around you and *not be blinded by any one relationship*. This applies to any relationship, whether or not it is a long distance one.
> 
> What is your definition of love? What does your boyfriend stir in you?


That's fine, but why are you coming in this thread specificially and saying all of this shit, when it's not even the general purpose of this thread? 



ClarityOfVision said:


> Cheating can be done for any number of reasons, I don't perceive it as something bad in itself. Thing is it hurts your partner, you don't want this because you still love this person. Then you can hide it from them, there's nothing wrong with that I think. I guess you think there's something wrong with that, because of exclusivity in the relationship. But you're not being non-exclusive in the emotional sense. You still only love your partner as your partner. The person you cheated on your partner with was nothing more than a friend, and will never be more than a friend. Is it then wrong still? I know you wouldn't do that, but do you think it's wrong? And if so, why?


Going by that standard, you'd be okay with someone you were with sleeping around with a friend as long as you didn't know about it? There are plenty of guys like that and there's plenty of guys who are fucking their girls because they can. Have fun raising someone else's kid though, and hopefully you're using protection in case the other guy gives your girl something nasty. 



> But would you still stick to it if something else came up now? You weighed the possibilities when you made the decision, but circumstances change. Would you be blind to new opportunities now? I'm not bashing your decision-making skills, I'm merely making the remark that stubbornness may make you miss out on a better thing.
> 
> Yes to both questions. I believe one should always be looking for the optimal partner. This doesn't mean that you should switch relationships all the time, you should only switch when you come across someone better. And what "better" means is a value only the person in question can make.


The problem with that is that the value is relative. There is always something better. To be looking for better implies that you have the means to attain better. If you're constantly attaining better, you have to become better yourself. Eventually you are going to cap out, or you'll be perpetually dissatisfied with what you have. 



> Why? Isn’t everything a matter of pros and cons? Even emotions: Who do I love more? Her/him or the other person? It’s weighing possibilities. It could very well be we’re talking about the same thing, except that I’m approaching it differently than you.
> 
> 
> Then who is in full control? If you’re not in control, who is? Nobody else than you issues control over you. Unconscious processes may play a role, but I don’t believe falling in love is among them. We are very much aware of falling in love, like you said. This means that we can also decide NOT to fall in love.


Most people are not going to consiously be that vigilant about proccesses that are larelgy an unconcsiouss phenomenon like falling in love. 



> And I’m not sure what you mean with emotional bond. I know what the term means, but have you not discussed certain
> 
> agreements in the relationship, such as cheating? Do you solely rely on this emotional bond?


It behooves anyone in a relationship to establish clear boundaries of what is and is not okay with regards to cheating. And if an emotional bond is the only thing holding your relationship together, you are in a pretty bad place. 



> I fully agree, and I didn’t mean someone you just met, I meant someone you met. Like a friend, a classmate or acquaintance you’re spending time with. You could be in a relationship with any of them. But you don’t want to initiate (and maybe neither do they).


Yeah that's growing apart, emotional cheating, ect. Which isn't specific to LDRs. 



> Then I apologize that I gave off that impression. *I just want to get the lot of you critically thinking about what actually you’re doing. *According to your definition I never had a relationship, even though I had them. Maybe they work different for the both of us? Would explain a lot of the misunderstandings going on here. It’s also not about superficial attraction, it’s about spending time with the person and seeing how compatible you are with that other person.


Get the fuck out of here with that patronising attitude. We know what we are doing, and all of this is stuff that can happen to any relationship. I just skimmed your posts and you aren't posting this stuff in any other thread about relationships, only this one. It's insulting and irritating. All relationships carry risks, and all of the things you've talked about are not speficic to anyone in a LDR. Quit insulting our intelligence and spamming the thread with your pescemistic and offensive views. It's not productive or supportive.


----------



## Macrosapien

DiamondDays said:


> Wow people are really being asses in here. It's true, the vas majority of LDRs don't work out. But that doesn't mean it's a good thing to tell people who are in them so. They'll probably find out sooner or later.


no need for name calling, i think that is totally uncalled for. I am not an ass, and I identify with that because I am the only here agreeing with some of ClarityOfVision's sentiments. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Not everyone has to agree, I can relate to what ClarityOfVision is saying, as my situation did not work, and it nearly destroyed me, emotionally. So I would be damned if I do not relate my story or tell people to protect themselves while they embark on this journey or invest their emotions heavily into a situation. LDR's are difficult, they can be rewarding, yes... but if they are not, it hurts, unlike a regular break up. i dont exactly know why that is, but it just is. so i will share what i have been through, and I hope it helps someone. no one is saying give up on it, its a waste of time. i have seen success stories, my best friend has one, and I am very happy for him. but someone has to represent the other side of it, I encourage everyone to succeed, and find happiness, but one has to keep their eyes on the roads, just be mindful of themselves, because in the end, you will be stuck with it, in the chance that it does not happen the way you want it or expect it. my advise, is not to expect anything, just try very hard to make it work, but dont expect anything, dont make a world in your imagination, dont become too tied to the future, try to come or return to the moment, take it day by day, step by step, be sincere with yourself and the person you want to be with.


----------



## Macrosapien

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Alright I'm about to fuck you up with some knowledge.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I really am that great. And since you don't know all the details, maybe you should stop giving shitty condescending advice.
> 
> 
> 
> Every attractive woman has plenty of options. And as someone who has been cheated on, I think that last comment is unnecessarily hurtful and naive. Any one who has no honor or loyalty in a relationship deserves none in return. You apparently have none and I hope that one day you get your heart ripped out of you by being cheated on. Maybe that will give you the clarity your vision seems to lack.
> 
> That being said, someone with no sense of loyalty in relationships has no fucking right to be giving advice to people in monogamous relationships.
> 
> 
> 
> You should start being upfront about that with the people you are seeing, otherwise you'll be leading people on and hurting them which is a dick thing to do. That's fine to be that way, don't get me wrong, but don't say you're in it %100 if you aren't.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> All of this isn't specific to LDRs though, so why aren;t you posting this same stuff in other threads about relationships? Most relationships fail. Most marriages fail. People look for something better, fall out of love, get bored, cheat, grow apart, ect. Your views aren't wrong necessarily, but why are you acting like it's only people in LDRs that deal with this? It comes off as very negative and condescending. We know the risks and we know that the stakes are higher in LDRs. If you can't stomach the risk, don't play the game.
> 
> 
> 
> See above. This isn't just a LDR thing, this happens in every relationship. Most of them fail. But I'm wondering why he's coming in here, and making it sound like all of this is specific to LDRs. Breakups are painful, the end of relationships are painful, even if they end well.
> 
> As to the bolded part, if you think of it as a waste of time, you're looking at it the wrong way. Even if it ends completely shitty for you, you at least learned some lessons like how to select better quality partners, how to change course or exit before it gets to that level of being a nightmare, how to become a better partner yourself ect. That's not a waste of time. And if you had a really good relationship, it wasn't a waste of time anyways.
> 
> The only time I can see it being a waste of time is if you're a woman dating around who wants to start a family. That makes sense as pregnancies carry more risks the older you get, but aside from that I wouldn't consider most relationships a waste of time.
> 
> 
> 
> It's like in boxing, *protect yourself at all times. *Put yourself first, always. Be vigilant, be selective, be aware of who you are with. Never sacrifice your ideals, your vision for your life for someone else, and always be prepared to leave if you have to. Solid advice for ALL RELATIONSHIPS, *NOT JUST LDRS.*
> 
> Seriously, if you and clarity think that and post it all over the forum, fine. But don't come in here acting like this shit only happens to people in LDRs because it comes off as very condescending and pisses people off.
> 
> 
> 
> Bullshit, you said earlier "why be loyal when there's something better?" Turn the tables around. Would you be okay if you were witha girl who slept with someone else? And if you're fine with being with a girl who sleeps with, kisses, and has an emotional involvement with someone else, then you're gonna end up either hurt or raising someone elses child. I hope this happens to you sooner rather than later, with the exceptin of the child part because the thought of you raising a child is pretty terrifying.
> 
> 
> 
> First off, if you don;t the the situations of anothers relationship then maybe you should stay the fuck out of it. Secondly, what;s your track record been like? Tell me why you're qualified to be dishing out relationship advice that promotes cheating, looking for someone better, ect. Unless you have left all of your girls for better ones, actually have high quality options, and can mantain a successful relationship, then you're just talking out your ass and are living in a fantasy world.
> 
> 
> 
> Someone like that should have open relationships or not get involved with anyone then.
> 
> 
> 
> You could say that about ANY relationship though, so stop fucking making this about LDRs. If you're dating someone in the same city as you, and you meet someone better, should they stay with them out of loyalty? What if they're married? Should they cheat? This shit happens ALL THE TIME. It's one thing to advocate that people should not be loyal and always pursue the better person, but don't come in here and say that it's only people in LDRs who should consider this.
> 
> 
> 
> In case you haven't figured it out yet, I AM THE BEST OPTION. Being open to others would be a waste of resources. Would you rather own a highrise in Manhattan or 100 acres of tundra?
> 
> 
> 
> There are 7 billion people in the world, so of course everyone is a potential partner. If you really wanted to you could fall in love with anyone. But even if you had alot of options, and did nothing but date from the time you're 18 until you die, you wouldn't even explore a quarter of those options.
> 
> And to even be moving up to better opportunities you need to have options. To always be uprading partners means you need cosnsitently better options, which means you yourself have to have massive value on the market.
> 
> A super model could do that because her sexual value is so high, and a powerful business man could do that because his resources make him valuable. I've met both kinds of people like that, and I'm pretty positive you could not even run in those circles which means that your idea of always seeing better options is no more idealistic than two people falling in love and only being with the same person the rest of their lives. And I have seen those people too, couples who were highschool sweethearts and married young and stayed married for 75+ years.
> 
> 
> 
> Theres some truth to that. You can fall in love and create the experiences with people, and you can also choose to block out your feelings when you feel it happening. It's all endorphins and chemicals. You feel adrennaline when you feel fear, but you can choose to not be afraid or to push past the fear.
> 
> 
> 
> Would you be comfortable with someone you're with doing this, and all the other shit about keeping options open and disregarding loyalty? The street goes both ways, and women cheat just as much if not more than men, despite what you may think.
> 
> 
> 
> That's fine, but why are you coming in this thread specificially and saying all of this shit, when it's not even the general purpose of this thread?
> 
> 
> 
> Going by that standard, you'd be okay with someone you were with sleeping around with a friend as long as you didn't know about it? There are plenty of guys like that and there's plenty of guys who are fucking their girls because they can. Have fun raising someone else's kid though, and hopefully you're using protection in case the other guy gives your girl something nasty.
> 
> 
> 
> The problem with that is that the value is relative. There is always something better. To be looking for better implies that you have the means to attain better. If you're constantly attaining better, you have to become better yourself. Eventually you are going to cap out, or you'll be perpetually dissatisfied with what you have.
> 
> 
> 
> Most people are not going to consiously be that vigilant about proccesses that are larelgy an unconcsiouss phenomenon like falling in love.
> 
> 
> 
> It behooves anyone in a relationship to establish clear boundaries of what is and is not okay with regards to cheating. And if an emotional bond is the only thing holding your relationship together, you are in a pretty bad place.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah that's growing apart, emotional cheating, ect. Which isn't specific to LDRs.
> 
> 
> 
> Get the fuck out of here with that patronising attitude. We know what we are doing, and all of this is stuff that can happen to any relationship. I just skimmed your posts and you aren't posting this stuff in any other thread about relationships, only this one. It's insulting and irritating. All relationships carry risks, and all of the things you've talked about are not speficic to anyone in a LDR. Quit insulting our intelligence and spamming the thread with your pescemistic and offensive views. It's not productive or supportive.


Why are you cursing in a post to me? What did I say that was wrong? No I look at LDRs differently. Sure what I said can apply to any relationship, LD or not, however, LDR have a different quality, if you meet someone online, it is more likely that they resonate with you much more than who you meet in person. We often meet each other in places that are of interest to us, it can feel very soul-matish, this has been my experience. I have felt far closer to the couple of LDR's I have had over the relationships in person I have had. You connect to people on a deeper level, as the physical is minimized in its importance, online all we have is our minds and the emotional sentiments that we share. By bypassing the physical, it doesnt become a distraction as much. If it is through a dating site, then the physical exists, but it isnt like meeting someone in person, as a picture just takes in physical features, but not presence, the vibe of a person, mannerisms, among other things. So, for me, from my observations, LDR's can be very impacting, due to this mental focus. And in this case, since we are so stuck in our heads, we are more prone to imagine and be in our imagination on possibilities. In person, this happens, but it isn't as powerful, imo, because that physical component is there, likewise, it is harder to truly know how a situation will be in person, with someone from a LDR, even if they visit you, but being around them in a more prolong duration it can be. In person, while this exists, its easier to gauge a person in person, to see how they behave in public, among other people in different situations, in day to day circumstances. There are intangibles that make it different. I am not making any posts to be an ass, I wish everyone the best, but I will warn people, to watch out for themselves, and especially, not to expect too much, but take it a day at a time, dont think too much about the future, by creating an future of expectations, IF** things dont work out you will suffer a great deal, not because of the other person, but because of yourself and what you projected over it. I did this, and I dont want anyone to go through that. my failed LDR's, because of what I am mentioning, hurt me a lot, and changed the way i approach things, and I am not sure it changed me for the better... practically it did, but i loss some of my idealism.


----------



## Macrosapien

I'm not going to post in this thread anymore, I have people cursing towards me, for not wanting people to get hurt. I'll just not enter this thread again, i dont have time for that type of interaction.


----------



## 7rr7s

Pseudonymity said:


> Why are you cursing in a post to me? What did I say that was wrong? No I look at LDRs differently. Sure what I said can apply to any relationship, LD or not, however, LDR have a different quality, if you meet someone online, it is more likely that they resonate with you much more than who you meet in person. We often meet each other in places that are of interest to us, it can feel very soul-matish, this has been my experience. I have felt far closer to the couple of LDR's I have had over the relationships in person I have had. You connect to people on a deeper level, as the physical is minimized in its importance, online all we have is our minds and the emotional sentiments that we share. By bypassing the physical, it doesnt become a distraction as much. If it is through a dating site, then the physical exists, but it isnt like meeting someone in person, as a picture just takes in physical features, but not presence, the vibe of a person, mannerisms, among other things. So, for me, from my observations, LDR's can be very impacting, due to this mental focus. And in this case, since we are so stuck in our heads, we are more prone to imagine and be in our imagination on possibilities. In person, this happens, but it isn't as powerful, imo, because that physical component is there, likewise, it is harder to truly know how a situation will be in person, with someone from a LDR, even if they visit you, but being around them in a more prolong duration it can be. In person, while this exists, its easier to gauge a person in person, to see how they behave in public, among other people in different situations, in day to day circumstances. There are intangibles that make it different. I am not making any posts to be an ass, I wish everyone the best, but I will warn people, to watch out for themselves, and especially, not to expect too much, but take it a day at a time, dont think too much about the future, by creating an future of expectations, IF** things dont work out you will suffer a great deal, not because of the other person, but because of yourself and what you projected over it. I did this, and I dont want anyone to go through that. my failed LDR's, because of what I am mentioning, hurt me a lot, and changed the way i approach things, and I am not sure it changed me for the better... practically it did, but i loss some of my idealism.


My post was mainly directed at clarity.


----------



## DiamondDays

Pseudonymity said:


> no need for name calling, i think that is totally uncalled for. I am not an ass, and I identify with that because I am the only here agreeing with some of ClarityOfVision's sentiments. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Not everyone has to agree, I can relate to what ClarityOfVision is saying, as my situation did not work, and it nearly destroyed me, emotionally. So I would be damned if I do not relate my story or tell people to protect themselves while they embark on this journey or invest their emotions heavily into a situation. LDR's are difficult, they can be rewarding, yes... but if they are not, it hurts, unlike a regular break up. i dont exactly know why that is, but it just is. so i will share what i have been through, and I hope it helps someone. no one is saying give up on it, its a waste of time. i have seen success stories, my best friend has one, and I am very happy for him. but someone has to represent the other side of it, I encourage everyone to succeed, and find happiness, but one has to keep their eyes on the roads, just be mindful of themselves, because in the end, you will be stuck with it, in the chance that it does not happen the way you want it or expect it. my advise, is not to expect anything, just try very hard to make it work, but dont expect anything, dont make a world in your imagination, dont become too tied to the future, try to come or return to the moment, take it day by day, step by step, be sincere with yourself and the person you want to be with.


Hey i see your point of view but all i'm saying is it's hard enough for the people in them. No need to fucking tell them it blows. They know, even though they might not confess to it. So let them do their thing. It wont help them to read a lot of negative shit that they already deep down know to be true.


----------



## Golden Rose

DiamondDays said:


> It wont help them to read a lot of negative shit that they already deep down know to be true.


Is it really? People have different needs and views on relationships and there's no right way to be in one.
There's chances that a LDR might fail, as well as chances that it might translate perfectly in real life and work forever. Or at least for a very long time.

Any kind of relationship can involve sacrifices, dry spells and obstacles so I don't see the point in judging LDRs on a different standard, again it's all very subjective and it depends a lot on the people involved and their circumstances. His experience is not mine nor it is comparable to anyone else's in this thread since relationships are an one of a kind deal.

Agreeing with you, let people do our own thing. Preaching against something you don't know about in a support thread is like shooting all blonde people because they remind you of a specific blonde you hated.
It won't work and it's not of any help for anyone especially not those who didn't ask for any to begin with.

Besides, love and sexuality are a personal matter. 
Some people wouldn't look for 'options' in any case, no need to force his views on people.
(in the end this wasn't really aimed at you, I just went off a few tangents)


----------



## Andromeda31

10 more weeks until :happy:


----------



## Scarab

Andromeda31 said:


> 10 more weeks until :happy:


O: So close!

Feeling enthusiastic?


----------



## Andromeda31

Scarab said:


> O: So close!
> 
> Feeling enthusiastic?


Yes! If only I could invent time travel. ^__^


----------



## Scarab

Andromeda31 said:


> Yes! If only I could invent time travel. ^__^


Sounds like you've found someone very special.  You'll be there before you know it. öwö/


----------



## Andromeda31

Scarab said:


> Sounds like you've found someone very special.  You'll be there before you know it. öwö/


----------



## ClarityOfVision

@KindOfBlue06 @Hotaru @Rinnie @OutOfAmmo @everybody else in this thread

Fine, then stay in your dream world of unicorns and sunshine. I wanted to give you food for thought on what a relationship actually is, but you're lost in the ways that you have deduced from a concept called an "emotional bond" you are unable to explain. None of you were able to explain what it is, and none of the explanations make a relationship different from a friendship. You are unable to lay out the exact parameters of a relationship and are unable to see other points of view and call them "twisted" and "unhealthy". I never called any of your points twisted or unhealthy, but I did question them to create this awareness and to create thought on a topic that rarely anybody thinks of.

So stay in your little world of sunshine, but don't cry when you weren't prepared for the end that may or may not happen.


----------



## cinnabun

ClarityOfVision said:


> @_KindOfBlue06_ @_Hotaru_ @_Rinnie_ @OutOfAmmo @_everyb_ody else in this thread
> 
> Fine, then stay in your dream world of unicorns and sunshine. I wanted to give you food for thought on what a relationship actually is, but you're lost in the ways that you have deduced from a concept called an "emotional bond" you are unable to explain. None of you were able to explain what it is, and none of the explanations make a relationship different from a friendship. You are unable to lay out the exact parameters of a relationship and are unable to see other points of view and call them "twisted" and "unhealthy". I never called any of your points twisted or unhealthy, but I did question them to create this awareness and to create thought on a topic that rarely anybody thinks of.
> 
> So stay in your little world of sunshine, but don't cry when you weren't prepared for the end that may or may not happen.


k


----------



## Lemxn

Andromeda31 said:


> I'm curious to know how many perc couples are out there, but yeah perc is basically a secret hook up site where everything happens behind the scenes. :kitteh:


I met my SO here on PerC also but as you said, I think some people realized about it a year later because everything happened behind the scene:tongue: 



MBTI Enthusiast said:


> And there's always this thread: http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/94699-relationships-made-possible-perc.html
> 
> It's old, but yeah.


Oh, this thread is so good!


----------



## knife

Confused girl28 and GoodOldDreamer are a thing?

...did not know that.

But yeah. There are a _lot_ of relationships and hookups on PerC. And I should know. :kitteh:


----------



## 33778

knife said:


> Confused girl28 and GoodOldDreamer are a thing?
> 
> ...did not know that.


LOL Yep, GoodOldDreamer and I are a "thing" and we´ve been a thing for almost three years now:tongue:


----------



## knife

confused girl28 said:


> LOL Yep, GoodOldDreamer and I are a "thing" and we´ve been a thing for almost three years now:tongue:


:tongue: I was commenting on @Rinnay's list from yesterday.

Also two INFJs together = le magic, no, @Sheik?


----------



## 33778

knife said:


> Also two INFJs together = le magic, no, @_Sheik_?



I highly recommend it yes! :wink:


----------



## ficsci

Oh wow, you guys are real sneaky XD


I'm not in a long distance romantic relationship, but all my best friends are long distance. I mean, I kinda chose to do it by moving, because I honestly felt too clingy to them. I just kinda hid behind my friends and made no effort to get to know anyone else. I was tired of being disappointed of not meeting ppl I could relate to, but I won't be able to survive not having the courage to face ppl other than my best friends.

It's been almost 2 years now, and I think I've become much braver and more confident on my own. But now I really miss my friends, and I dunno when/how I can be with them again. There really is a difference between getting along with people and having special people in your life.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Hai again.

So I'm literally dating the man of my dreams. I'm in love, I hate the Atlantic & I really want this to work. I'm going to see him in August. :kitteh::crazy::happy: I'm seriously so excited! We met on perc. He's an intp & I'm an entp. I'm 25 & he's 28. We're located in France & the USA. 

So I have a few questions: 

1.) we've had a few (one super recent) serious arguments. The recent one turned out to be a huge misunderstanding as we were both ignoring some main points of the other. It turned out to be a communicational breakdown due to having two arguments in one. When we realised & divided the two we completely agreed with each other. So: what advice can you give for listening, understanding & acknowledging each other's perspective even when we might disagree?

2.) what are some fun topics to discuss & bonding things to do to kind of "spice up" our usual convos? (We're still communicating everyday through messages or video calls and somehow haven't ran out of things to say) but still some fun ideas would be appreciated. 

3.) my current life is *extremely* stressful atm, without realising it I've brought that stress into our relationship.....I do not want to do that, so how can I keep it separate (while still being open & honest w/ him). 

4.) because of the stress of life right now (school, family, ect) I've been really sensitive, weirdly insecure and reactive. Again, I DO NOT want to bring that into our relationship. Can you give ideas on how to deal w/ life stress and still have nice time together in LDR?

It is not that I want to have a fake happiness w/ him or anything like that. We're extremely open & honest with each other. It's really wonderful. I just don't want to take my personal stress out on anyone, but especially not him. 

Im working on personal goals to become a healthier & happier person. 
I want to bring that into our relationship.

also: are there any LDR blogs you'd recommend?


----------



## 33778

Daleks_Exterminate said:


> Hai again.
> 
> So I'm literally dating the man of my dreams. I'm in love, I hate the Atlantic & I really want this to work. I'm going to see him in August. :kitteh::crazy::happy: I'm seriously so excited! We met on perc. He's an intp & I'm an entp. I'm 25 & he's 28. We're located in France & the USA.
> 
> So I have a few questions:


First of all welcome on board!!  I am happy for you guys! 
As for your questions, I don´t consider myself to have any kind of authority to give advice but I´ll give it a try =)




Daleks_Exterminate said:


> 1.) we've had a few (one super recent) serious arguments. The recent one turned out to be a huge misunderstanding as we were both ignoring some main points of the other. It turned out to be a communicational breakdown due to having two arguments in one. When we realised & divided the two we completely agreed with each other. So: what advice can you give for listening, understanding & acknowledging each other's perspective even when we might disagree


It would be really boring if you agree on everything  just take disagreements as a part of the relationship, an important part, and remember that just because you guys disagree it doesn´t mean you love and/or respect each other any less.
Talking everything out (even those things you think are silly or unimportant) counts. Knowledge is power and maybe there are things you may not understand about him and viceversa but at least you´ll know, that´s half the battle right there. Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more and encourage your loved one to do the same.

One of the hardest things of being long distance (in my opinion) is the lack of physical touch, body language, look at each other´s eyes during an argument so I need to replace that (as best as I can) with tons and tons of communication.

My last fight with my SO ended up with us not talking to each other for over a month and we needed some external help to solve that up. 
So yeah, it´ll never be easy but for me it is always worth it.




Daleks_Exterminate said:


> 2.) what are some fun topics to discuss & bonding things to do to kind of "spice up" our usual convos? (We're still communicating everyday through messages or video calls and somehow haven't ran out of things to say) but still some fun ideas would be appreciated.


As you get to know each other better you´ll find new topics and new ways to communicate, your own language so to speak. My boyfriend and I enjoy our internal jokes so much and I know that PerC always provides some funny/deep/interesting topics to discuss, sometimes I find a thread and I share it with him, ask for his opinion and we go from there, then things get random and we start talking about the meaning of life and end up talking...."empanadas" <------------typical Argentinian food 
Watching shows/movies together, reading a book or even lying in bed staring at the ceiling talking random nonsense theorizing about general things sounds like a good plan to me. Don´t be afraid of running outta things to talk about just enjoy of getting to know each other the rest will just happen, you´ll see. And don´t be scared of silence, sometimes silence is the best way to connect.



Daleks_Exterminate said:


> 3.) my current life is *extremely* stressful atm, without realising it I've brought that stress into our relationship.....I do not want to do that, so how can I keep it separate (while still being open & honest w/ him).


First, I am sorry life is not treating you so well and I hope it gets better for you soon =)
Yeah that can be tricky (silly emotions getting all over us ) How can you separate those things? I really don´t know sweetie I am sorry, I know I have a hard time doing that as well, so if you find the answer please let me know lol

But, are you sure he wants you to separate things? I mean, I know I used to tell my boyfriend things like "I don´t think it is a good idea for us to talk today because I am going through X,Y and Z and I am feeling grumpy and overwhelmed" to what he would reply in the line of "Ok, I understand if you need some space but just know that I am here if you need me and maybe if you talk about it you´ll feel better"
I would be reluctant at first but after trying I realized he could "handle" me even though I wasn´t feeling at my best, even though I thought I was too much for him to deal with.

What I am trying to say is, just talk about it with him, let him know how you feel about whatever it is going on with you in your life, cry on his shoulder if necessary but don´t let him out. You´re a team now and I am sure he wants you to be you. I am sure he´s a sensitive soul and he will know how to "deal" with you =)



Daleks_Exterminate said:


> 4.) because of the stress of life right now (school, family, ect) I've been really sensitive, weirdly insecure and reactive. Again, I DO NOT want to bring that into our relationship. Can you give ideas on how to deal w/ life stress and still have nice time together in LDR?


Just remember that what you´re going through right now is not his fault so don´t take it on him but I recommend for you to rely on him and count on him as well as let him know you´re there if he needs you too. 
I understand you don´t want to bring those problems into the relationship but what is happening in your life is your reality and I am certain that you deal with it as best as you can, don´t be afraid to share, don´t be afraid to open up and let him know what´s going on I am sure he´ll appreciate knowing.
If there is something I learnt in my relationship is that I don´t need to run away from my partner because I can always run to him, you should give it a try and see what happens.


My personal advice? Patience, commitment and lots of communication, that and never go to bed letting things unspoken and for him: never let her go to bed mad at you 



Daleks_Exterminate said:


> It is not that I want to have a fake happiness w/ him or anything like that. We're extremely open & honest with each other. It's really wonderful. I just don't want to take my personal stress out on anyone, but especially not him.
> 
> Im working on personal goals to become a healthier & happier person.
> I want to bring that into our relationship.
> 
> also: are there any LDR blogs you'd recommend?


Keep fighting the good fight you´re on the right path.
As for the blogs you are asking for, I am pretty sure there are some good links here in this same thread (not sure if there are blogs
but good search material that´s for sure)

I wish you guys the best of luck and I certainly hope to hear more from you.


----------



## Halcyon

knife said:


> Confused girl28 and GoodOldDreamer are a thing?
> 
> ...did not know that.


Think about it: they thank every post the other makes and if that's not true love, I don't know what is. :tongue:


----------



## 33778

Halcyon said:


> Think about it: they thank every post the other makes and if that's not true love, I don't know what is. :tongue:


Well, that and also what he says is pure awesomeness so there´s that too :wink:


----------



## kaleidoscope

Two weeks! EEE


----------



## Chesire Tower

confused girl28 said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> First of all welcome on board!!  I am happy for you guys!
> As for your questions, I don´t consider myself to have any kind of authority to give advice but I´ll give it a try =)
> 
> It would be really boring if you agree on everything  just take disagreements as a part of the relationship, an important part, and remember that just because you guys disagree it doesn´t mean you love and/or respect each other any less.
> Talking everything out (even those things you think are silly or unimportant) counts. Knowledge is power and maybe there are things you may not understand about him and viceversa but at least you´ll know, that´s half the battle right there. Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more and encourage your loved one to do the same.
> 
> One of the hardest things of being long distance (in my opinion) is the lack of physical touch, body language, look at each other´s eyes during an argument so I need to replace that (as best as I can) with tons and tons of communication.
> 
> My last fight with my SO ended up with us not talking to each other for over a month and we needed some external help to solve that up.
> So yeah, it´ll never be easy but for me it is always worth it.
> 
> As you get to know each other better you´ll find new topics and new ways to communicate, your own language so to speak. My boyfriend and I enjoy our internal jokes so much and I know that PerC always provides some funny/deep/interesting topics to discuss, sometimes I find a thread and I share it with him, ask for his opinion and we go from there, then things get random and we start talking about the meaning of life and end up talking...."empanadas" <------------typical Argentinian food
> Watching shows/movies together, reading a book or even lying in bed staring at the ceiling talking random nonsense theorizing about general things sounds like a good plan to me. Don´t be afraid of running outta things to talk about just enjoy of getting to know each other the rest will just happen, you´ll see. And don´t be scared of silence, sometimes silence is the best way to connect.
> 
> 
> 
> First, I am sorry life is not treating you so well and I hope it gets better for you soon =)
> Yeah that can be tricky (silly emotions getting all over us ) How can you separate those things? I really don´t know sweetie I am sorry, I know I have a hard time doing that as well, so if you find the answer please let me know lol
> 
> But, are you sure he wants you to separate things? I mean, I know I used to tell my boyfriend things like "I don´t think it is a good idea for us to talk today because I am going through X,Y and Z and I am feeling grumpy and overwhelmed" to what he would reply in the line of "Ok, I understand if you need some space but just know that I am here if you need me and maybe if you talk about it you´ll feel better"
> I would be reluctant at first but after trying I realized he could "handle" me even though I wasn´t feeling at my best, even though I thought I was too much for him to deal with.
> 
> What I am trying to say is, just talk about it with him, let him know how you feel about whatever it is going on with you in your life, cry on his shoulder if necessary but don´t let him out. You´re a team now and I am sure he wants you to be you. I am sure he´s a sensitive soul and he will know how to "deal" with you =)
> 
> 
> 
> Just remember that what you´re going through right now is not his fault so don´t take it on him but I recommend for you to rely on him and count on him as well as let him know you´re there if he needs you too.
> I understand you don´t want to bring those problems into the relationship but what is happening in your life is your reality and I am certain that you deal with it as best as you can, don´t be afraid to share, don´t be afraid to open up and let him know what´s going on I am sure he´ll appreciate knowing.
> If there is something I learnt in my relationship is that I don´t need to run away from my partner because I can always run to him, you should give it a try and see what happens.
> 
> 
> My personal advice? Patience, commitment and lots of communication, that and never go to bed letting things unspoken and for him: never let her go to bed mad at you
> 
> 
> 
> Keep fighting the good fight you´re on the right path.
> As for the blogs you are asking for, I am pretty sure there are some good links here in this same thread (not sure if there are blogs
> but good search material that´s for sure)
> 
> I wish you guys the best of luck and I certainly hope to hear more from you.


You are wise beyond your years.


----------



## 6007

I get to see him soon. 
I am so excited.

life feels more wonderful when we talk or see each other. He's so weird. Nothing I ever expected for me.


----------



## Animal

I have seen him in two dreams this week. Let's hope for three...


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

This is totally what our visits are like:

http://www.top13.net/love-is-in-small-things-illustrations/

Life of a sp/sx couple!


----------



## Golden Rose

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> This is totally what our visits are like:
> 
> http://www.top13.net/love-is-in-small-things-illustrations/
> 
> Life of a sp/sx couple!


I'm sx/sp (and so is he) but this looks so appealing to me, probably because I'm such an introverted tritype.

This comes at the right time since I've been thinking earlier today how nice it'd be to be able to do things together. There's a lot of other sides of physical intimacy and passion that are clearly missing but even just trivial every day matters would seem a lot more meaningful. As well as being able to have creative dates or enjoying something different, I was thinking of mini-golf or arcade/tabletop games for some reason but it can be anything from walks to creating/playing music together (which is an extremely intimate matter to me).

Even just enjoying the silence together, as no words are needed.
Reading side by side, playing games, being immersed in different things yet in close proximity.
I'm very solitary and independent, I value my private time as it helps me recharge.
But quite often, I just wish he was here with me (likely, me there with him) to let our inner worlds touch.


----------



## cinnabun

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> This is totally what our visits are like:
> 
> http://www.top13.net/love-is-in-small-things-illustrations/
> 
> Life of a sp/sx couple!



@KindOfBlue06 Can this be us? Except we have a dog?


----------



## 7rr7s

RinnayDelRey said:


> @_KindOfBlue06_ Can this be us? Except we have a dog?


K.


----------



## Thalassa

Lol support group for people obsessed with Lana del Rey. I honestly wonder if she recognized the anagram when renaming herself. Songs like Old Money make me wonder. 

Ok back to your regularly scheduled pining. Been there, done that, didn't work out for me, very sad to be wrapped up in someone that long and lose them. But such is life.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Thalassa said:


> Lol support group for people obsessed with Lana del Rey. I honestly wonder if she recognized the anagram when renaming herself. Songs like Old Money make me wonder.


I'm not obsessed with Lana... though I did spend some hours ranting about how I don't like her much. I guess that's kind of an obsession.


----------



## Animal

One good thing about LDR's is that when they break your heart, you don't have to run into them and mutual friends won't be inviting you to the same places. If you haven't yet met in person, you don't even have to add them to your "list" - for those who care about numbers. Your stuff doesn't smell like them. They won't key your car or annoy your next SO. You don't have to see some dumb bitch at their side unless you check their facebook. No matter how much you want to burn their house down, it's not worth the trouble of taking a plane there to do it. :th_sur:


----------



## cityofcircuits

9 days to go before i see my @Lacryma

cannot wait to see her....


----------



## HAL

My first LDR was with a Korean girl I met while travelling. Things started, naive childish love happened, then things ended 2 years later. Not because of distance though. We were both coped quite well, all things considered. It was the cultural differences in the end.

However I have now met another girl, and again it was while travelling. I told her travel flings don't really seem to work, from my experience. She was of course understanding, plus we'd only met for about a week at that time.

A week later we parted ways, agreed to stay in contact and just 'see what might happen'. She's Irish, I'm English. I had to go to China to start this scholarship here for a year, so in my head I already knew things were over with her. We still chatted and messaged a lot. However my interest faded and a couple of months later I gently told her I didn't really care any more.

She was pretty gutted, kept on talking to me and, since we'd already discussed it, she still insisted on coming to travel with me in China 'as friends' during my winter break.

I was really iffy about it, but eventually accepted. And holy fuck I am so happy I did because she is the best girl ever! We're a 'thing' now. I'm so so so happy about it. And it's not just naive lovey dovey impulsive feelings this time. I've let things grow slowly and cautiously. I really feel we have a great connection, and our lives and social styles back home will mesh brilliantly. It's not just youthful lust or anything. Anyway blah blah - I just want to justify how it isn't as reckless or naive as the last relationship I started while high on the joys of travel. This is a much more concrete 'thing'.

Anyway, introduction over. Here's where the problem lies:

When I get back to the UK, I'm gonna be in England and she's in Ireland. What's more, she has to do a work placement as part of her university degree, for 6 months to a year. Not sure where she's gonna go yet, but mostly likely it's gonna be in Europe. Hopefully somewhere close. It could even be England, but she says it's unlikely.

After this, she's back to uni for a year, in Ireland. I also have two more years of university ahead, in England.

Flights from my city to her city are cheap enough to justify once a month.

So basically it's 2 years of long distance until we could potentially move closer to each other (assuming we're still together). The distance isn't too bad, at least not compared to this current 5 month wait we're going through while I'm in China (only 8 weeks left though..!!!).

When I get back to England, I imagine I'll be seeing her _at least_ once a month. The intention is for us to alternately meet each other every two weeks - like I'll go to see her, then next time she comes to see me, with two week gaps between our meetings. Also, in the UK and Ireland our university semesters are only about 2.5 months, so there's a fair amount of time in school breaks for extended meetings and the likes, money-permitting of course.

However my concern is that this has to be kept up for a fairly long.

*So this is my fear*: Can this be kept up for two years? Any thoughts or experience?

Cheers :happy:

EDIT:

I know I already experienced a LDR with my Korean ex, but she was from a culture where it's much more normal to do that kind of a thing. In Asia they're far more committed to relationships. Or at least my ex was. Conversely, I find western culture to be more 'now now now', wanting things to be immediate and available. So I wonder if my current girlfriend might have a harder time coping with the fact that our relationship isn't quite so immediate.

Meh I dunno, I guess only time will tell..!


----------



## Lemxn

HAL said:


> *So this is my fear*: Can this be kept up for two years? Any thoughts or experience?



I think it's pretty normal on LDR to wait some years until you can finally share a life together. I know it will take some time with my SO to do that, so many details and things to resolve. If you both are very serious about it and truly desire, there's anything to ask for. Just go for that no matter how much time it will take. More if the relationship keeps growing from distance, etc.


----------



## HAL

Lemxn said:


> I think it's pretty normal on LDR to wait some years until you can finally share a life together. I know it will take some time with my SO to do that, so many details and things to resolve. If you both are very serious about it and truly desire, there's anything to ask for. Just go for that no matter how much time it will take. More if the relationship keeps growing from distance, etc.


Fantastic. Reassuring, cheers erc2:


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

HAL said:


> Flights from my city to her city are cheap enough to justify once a month.
> 
> So basically it's 2 years of long distance until we could potentially move closer to each other (assuming we're still together). The distance isn't too bad, at least not compared to this current 5 month wait we're going through while I'm in China (only 8 weeks left though..!!!).
> 
> When I get back to England, I imagine I'll be seeing her _at least_ once a month. The intention is for us to alternately meet each other every two weeks - like I'll go to see her, then next time she comes to see me, with two week gaps between our meetings. Also, in the UK and Ireland our university semesters are only about 2.5 months, so there's a fair amount of time in school breaks for extended meetings and the likes, money-permitting of course.
> 
> However my concern is that this has to be kept up for a fairly long.
> 
> *So this is my fear*: Can this be kept up for two years? Any thoughts or experience?
> 
> Cheers :happy:


You can absolutely do it! Just take it day by day for now, but as your relationship grows, you may find yourself committed to each other, which will make it a bit easier. My bf and I have been long distance for 3.5 years now. We started at 3,892 miles apart in separate countries, which grew to 5,517 mi, and now is at 2,678 miles in the same country, and only about 3 months until we have the opportunity to close the distance! We originally wanted to visit every 4 months, but things popped up which prevented us from visiting for 1.5 years at one point. You can get through anything as long as you still have each other and just take it day by day! Once we were in the same country, we were able to visit at least every 3 months, so once a month sounds very do-able.  Just make sure you always have some kind of loose plan to close the distance at some point, and try to always have a visit planned to look forward to. But for now, just enjoy each other - it sounds like you've found something special.


----------



## HAL

double post, lame.


----------



## HAL

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> You can absolutely do it! Just take it day by day for now, but as your relationship grows, you may find yourself committed to each other, which will make it a bit easier. My bf and I have been long distance for 3.5 years now. We started at 3,892 miles apart in separate countries, which grew to 5,517 mi, and now is at 2,678 miles in the same country, and only about 3 months until we have the opportunity to close the distance! We originally wanted to visit every 4 months, but things popped up which prevented us from visiting for 1.5 years at one point. You can get through anything as long as you still have each other and just take it day by day! Once we were in the same country, we were able to visit at least every 3 months, so once a month sounds very do-able.  Just make sure you always have some kind of loose plan to close the distance at some point, and try to always have a visit planned to look forward to. But for now, just enjoy each other - it sounds like you've found something special.


More positive words, fantastic!

Definitely having an end in sight will be good. 2 years and then the world is our oyster. If things have gone well, we can move closer together. Hell, could even move in together! Although that's of course making a few too many far too optimistic assumptions at this stage, heh.

Either way, all good!

1.5 years years apart is AMAZING, by the way. 5 months for us has become torturous..! We've both vowed to never go through this again, haha.

Actually this is why I had my original fears. What if the 2 week gaps become too much for her? She's a an extroverted feeler type who may need more than just phone messages and skype. I hope she doesn't get bored.


----------



## Force Majeure

*just a lil' whine*
It gets harder every time we say goodbye. This time my heart formed splinters of sadness and melancholy; and for the coming months all we have is Skype and mail.
tears behind my eyes. Waking up without you next to me. :crying: 
It is so extreme. If we are together we spend almost every waking (and sleeping) moment together; and next, all we have is an image on a scream and a voice so beautiful and reassuring it almost makes me heart from bleeding.

Every time we are apart our hearts cry a little louder; deafening roars to numb the silence forthcoming from the missing of each others voice.


----------



## Lemxn

18 Days.


I am not freaking out.


----------



## 6007

Lemxn said:


> 18 Days.
> 
> 
> I am not freaking out.


best gif of ever?
yis


----------



## 6007

He was on the end of the line when I was panicked.
I don't panic easily.
We bickered and chatted and
I fell more in love and certain this idiot 
MUST BE MINE

I must have him
I must be had by him.

MINE
HIS


----------



## Animal

If I could fold the world in half...........................


----------



## Lemxn

5 days.


----------



## Superfluous

Oh wow, I've been posting about my LDR in random places but oo look, wow, there's a topic just for what I'm dealing with.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Napoleptic said:


> I'm super frustrated at trying to find any information on how to move to Canada while minimizing the time in jobless limbo during the citizenship process. I do NOT want to not work, I do not want to be dependent on someone else for income, and I do not want to miss out on career opportunities due to not being able to work. I'll do it if I have to, but I want to cut that time as short as humanly possible.
> 
> Mostly I just need to talk to someone who knows something about the CURRENT process to find out what the most time and money efficient route of getting to live in Canada would be. I saw someone further along the process the other day say that applying from within Canada is a bad move. I've gotten little snippets from various people who have done this, but no real progress in getting any useful information. I'm usually good at internet searches, but most of the information I get is several years old so I don't want to rely on it, many of my search results are for Canadians wanting to come to the US not the other way around, and the little helpful information I've been able to find doesn't tell me about my particular situation. We're going to schedule an appointment with immigration services when I visit next, but I highly doubt they're going to freely give out information on how to cut the time down on a process that I get the impression is something of a screening process to weed out people who aren't serious or are trying to get in the country illegally.
> 
> I'm also super frustrated at the career opportunities (for me) that have delayed us being together. Ten years of nothing career-wise, then suddenly being able to get my foot in the door is amazing and exciting and I'm finally starting to shape the career I want, but couldn't it have happened before or after we wanted to live together, not _right in the middle_ which has kept us apart way longer than we'd hoped?
> 
> And I'm super frustrated at the fact that he won't consent to live in the US without me giving Canada a try first. I understand his reasons for not wanting to live in the States if we don't have to and completely support them and am willing to give it a try - quite frankly more than just a try as I've fallen in love with the Pacific coast - but sometimes it feels like he's controlling where I live. If it's not working for us after a year or two we'll move to the States, but it's extremely limiting in many ways.
> 
> I do have hope, though, that I can carve out a niche for myself where I can accept work that can be done anywhere, either working for a company remotely, or by accepting contract work. That will allow me to visit home a couple times of year, as I have a rotten time meeting people I want to be friends with, and I miss the friends I do have but they're almost all in Kansas. If I knew I could easily make friends where ever I went, it would be much less of an issue, or at least more of a logistics issue than an emotional one.
> 
> I just want to live with the person I love, why does it have to be so complicated? Neil deGrasse Tyson put it best:
> 
> View attachment 334946


Not you, too! My bf and I are going through similar issues right now.  Although we are thankfully both in the US, he is on the east coast and I am on the west. We both have little desire to move to the other coast, and now that we've finally realized that, it's becoming difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

His contract with his current job is finally ending in a couple of months, which will allow us to finally close the distance. I'm fairly settled in my career, but I don't like the place I currently work and am looking to move to another company. I know how difficult it is to close the distance properly (i.e. both get careers or schools in the same area), and I'll bet it's nearly impossible when we have to move to a neutral location at approximately the same time. What are the chances that we'll both end up getting jobs somewhere together within a month or so of each other? I am worried that he will move somewhere and I will try to follow, but I won't be able to get a job secured in that area for a long time. 

This is the first time in a while that I have considered distance to be almost too challenging.


----------



## The Chameleon

Omgomg. Is this even happening? Tomorrow is my 1-year anniversary with @Morfinyon omg I'm so excited and happy >w<


----------



## Strayfire

The Chameleon said:


> Omgomg. Is this even happening? Tomorrow is my 1-year anniversary with @_Morfinyon_ omg I'm so excited and happy >w<


Congrats!

Best wishies and confetti to you.


----------



## cinnabun

The Chameleon said:


> Omgomg. Is this even happening? Tomorrow is my 1-year anniversary with @_Morfinyon_ omg I'm so excited and happy >w<


I remember when you guys first got together lol. Congrats! You guys also have a summer love like me and Blue <3.

Are you still meeting up this year?


----------



## The Chameleon

RinnayDelRey said:


> I remember when you guys first got together lol. Congrats! You guys also have a summer love like me and Blue <3.
> 
> Are you still meeting up this year?


Good question ;;


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Entropic said:


> How do you convince her father that I am not brainwashing her, not going to sexually assault her while she going to sleep etc just so we can finally meet up and have the time together that we want?


Well, it took my parents at least a year to stop asking me whether he could be a serial killer. One thing we did though was "meet the parents" through Skype! I think it helped ease the mystery and "scary unknown" a bit.


----------



## 6007

On the end of the line he confided I was the one... really and truly the first and only one.
The one he had been waiting for.
And I heard it.
I understood what it meant.
In that moment, I was inside of his mindspace, I contacted what it meant to truly be him.
But I couldn't see me.
I couldn't see this thing that made him question everything. That made him willing to surrender everything.
I know what it means.
When will he walk beside me. I don't even care if we touch. I just want to look at him; look into him. And never look away.

I hope leave is approved.

I can't continue existing in a world where he isn't by my side.
It's pointless.


----------



## Entropic

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Well, it took my parents at least a year to stop asking me whether he could be a serial killer. One thing we did though was "meet the parents" through Skype! I think it helped ease the mystery and "scary unknown" a bit.


I have met them once over Skype (my initiative) and I have provided almost as much private information about myself as humanly possible. I've also had numerous exchanges with her dad. They know where I live, where I work and everything like that. The only thing they don't have access to is my bank account pretty much. It's impossible to become much more transparent than this, and they still hate my guts and think I'm going to sexually assault her at night. SERIOUSLY?????


----------



## Zenobia Kael

Entropic said:


> How do you convince her father that I am not brainwashing her, not going to sexually assault her while she going to sleep etc just so we can finally meet up and have the time together that we want?


Than the only option is the meet them in person and get to know them. My grand father had the same issue with my grandmothers family, I recall him talking about seeing them once and essentially shunning him away.as he got in the car he looked at my grandmother and asked "are you coming?" She said yes. Point being. You have a relationship with each other. Not with them. Keep choosing each other. Those details will iron themselves out in time. I hope this helps.

I think it's also worth noting that now years later that my grandmothers side accept my grandfather and like him. It just took time and my grandmother choosing him in some ways for them to accept that.


----------



## Entropic

Zenobia Kael said:


> Than the only option is the meet them in person and get to know them. My grand father had the same issue with my grandmothers family, I recall him talking about seeing them once and essentially shunning him away.as he got in the car he looked at my grandmother and asked "are you coming?" She said yes. Point being. You have a relationship with each other. Not with them. Keep choosing each other. Those details will iron themselves out in time. I hope this helps.
> 
> I think it's also worth noting that now years later that my grandmothers side accept my grandfather and like him. It just took time and my grandmother choosing him in some ways for them to accept that.


Yeah, I understand that, but seeing how we're in an LDR it's not like I can just go and meet him like that, especially since I would be put in prison if I went to their country. Otherwise I would just come and see them no problem.


----------



## Lemxn

Entropic said:


> I have met them once over Skype (my initiative) and I have provided almost as much private information about myself as humanly possible. I've also had numerous exchanges with her dad. They know where I live, where I work and everything like that. The only thing they don't have access to is my bank account pretty much. It's impossible to become much more transparent than this, and they still hate my guts and think I'm going to sexually assault her at night. SERIOUSLY?????


The same thing happened with my Fiancé. But no matter how much information my mother had about him, etc, the trust wasn't there. Parents are old school, they don't understand those things, not when their kids are involved in it. 
He gain the trust of my mother after we met for the first time. Now, she is almost in love with him:tongue: You understand.
Until the first meeting happen all my family was thinking the same things, as @*MBTI Enthusiast* said.
It won't stop until you actually meet your loved one, until that you will have to deal with that. It's just a phase that all the people in a LDR went through. Be patient.


----------



## Entropic

Lemxn said:


> The same thing happened with my Fiancé. But no matter how much information my mother had about him, etc, the trust wasn't there. Parents are old school, they don't understand those things, not when their kids are involved in it.
> He gain the trust of my mother after we met for the first time. Now, she is almost in love with him:tongue: You understand.
> Until the first meeting happen all my family was thinking the same things, as @*MBTI Enthusiast* said.
> It won't stop until you actually meet your loved one, until that you will have to deal with that. It's just a phase that all the people in a LDR went through. Be patient.


But how am I going to meet her if they don't trust me and my being able to meet her depends on their trust in me? Do you see the catch-22? She's planned to come and see me, but at this rate the only way they will let her come and see me is that they are going to hound us over our shoulders which is hardly any pleasant way to meet up and spend time together as. Plus they keep bitching about how much it's gonna cost them etc. and I have offered to help but they insist that they all go as a family instead of letting her go alone which is something I could help cover just fine, but not pay half for an entire family. I wish I could win on the fucking lottery. At least then that problem would be solved.


----------



## cinnabun

Lemxn said:


> The same thing happened with my Fiancé.


Omg, congrats!! <3.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Entropic said:


> But how am I going to meet her if they don't trust me and my being able to meet her depends on their trust in me? Do you see the catch-22? She's planned to come and see me, but at this rate the only way they will let her come and see me is that they are going to hound us over our shoulders which is hardly any pleasant way to meet up and spend time together as. Plus they keep bitching about how much it's gonna cost them etc. and I have offered to help but they insist that they all go as a family instead of letting her go alone which is something I could help cover just fine, but not pay half for an entire family. I wish I could win on the fucking lottery. At least then that problem would be solved.


Wow, that sounds pretty ridiculous. I have heard that most often in LDRs the guy will visit the girl first because it's less sketchy that way if the guy were actually a serial killer, but it sounds like that can't work for you. 

Has anyone tried to persuade them to let maybe just one family member to accompany her? Then you may be able to help with that cost.


----------



## Zenobia Kael

how on earth did i reply to this thread when i wasnt on it? (this is an edit)


----------



## Entropic

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Wow, that sounds pretty ridiculous. I have heard that most often in LDRs the guy will visit the girl first because it's less sketchy that way if the guy were actually a serial killer, but it sounds like that can't work for you.
> 
> Has anyone tried to persuade them to let maybe just one family member to accompany her? Then you may be able to help with that cost.


Persuasion is nigh impossible. I would go see her if I wasn't for the fact that I'd endanger myself if I tried to enter her country. They also don't believe that and resent me for that too.

The biggest problem is that they treat her like she's 10 even though she's 18, and think she's another one of those gullible teenage girls who meet people in random chatrooms and then for some reason decide to meet up. Like I said, they think I've brainwashed her because we've known each other since she was 15, and that these plans to meet up are something I've concocted and made her go against her will and she's not really into any of this and it's just a fantasy fairy tale that I've instilled in her head etc. 

It's really infuriating.


----------



## Force Majeure

Soon, my dear

Each time it seems like the moment will never come. But it will.
my hearth cries for you and I know you cannot believe we will meet again although the plane ticket's booked and you'll be boarding tomorrow.


----------



## Ace Face

@Cover3 and I are still together. He was here in February for a little while. Since that visit, we both decided that the next time we spend money on a plane ticket will be when he comes down for the wedding. We've set financial goals, and once we reach them, this shit is soooo happening, lol. We're already half way there! W00t!


----------



## Sweetish

I'm listening to songs by Depeche Mode (_because ...hormones. Raging hormones._) :blushed:


He and I will be with each other again soon enough, but in the meantime dammit it's frustrating to have a healthy libido. I don't mind that it can be fueled entirely by how attracted I am to him on all levels, but DAMN is it cruel with this inconvenient space between us, which I say because this is a first for me, being involved with a person who easily turns me on. He barely has to even try. It's like I'm a car with remote engine ignition. *dizzy*


I just want to be done with plane tickets... Hell with 'em.


One-way ticket followed by long-distance-road-trip car sex. YEAH!


----------



## Force Majeure

It is so hard to believe,
we will see each other again
I'm starting to pack my bags
so it sinks into reality
butterflies fill my stomach
and a golden glow my heart

Sunday evening draws closer
in a strange country,
Chopin's homeland
followed by a chateau near Paris
and then back again to a place
that feels more like home
than the place I grew up

dammit, how is it possible
to love someone this much.
<3


----------



## Force Majeure

Hours pass quickly now
suitcase being packed
surreal the thought of holding you once more
one of these times I won't let go
no matter what governments say
~~~


Will be my last post in a while;
I've got better things to experience :kitteh:


----------



## kaleidoscope

:sad: One of those hate-the-distance moments.


----------



## noles1995

I am so glad I found this thread!

*Have you been in one?* Yes. I, an ISTJ, have been in one with my boyfriend, an ESTP, since April 11 (a little over 3 months). I have been dating my boyfriend for 11 months.

*What works, what doesn't?* This question is a bit vague. I hope my answer is relevant. What works for us is a strong foundation (before the distance), open communication, and constant updates via text, phone calls, FaceTime, and Snapchat. We also like this Couple App that lets you thumbkiss. The phone vibrates when your thumbs hit the same part of the screen. Voice messages through text are always nice too. Surprises make for some spontaneity, which can be lacking in LDRs. For example, my boyfriend was hungry last week, so I ordered him a pizza and cookie cake to come to his house.

*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?* This is a tough question. I am 4.5 to 5 hours away from my boyfriend. I feel like as long as there is commitment, some sort of time frame for the ending of the distance, and a routine for visits, it will work just as well as any other relationship. 

*How often did/do you see your partner?* I see my boyfriend every 2 or 3 weeks. This can be difficult because we were used to being with each other probably 16 out of 24 hours every day since we started dating.

*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)* I love Snail mail, but we haven't used it. Sometimes when he goes to sleep, I'll write him heartfelt messages, like letters, for him to read when he wakes up in the morning. I like Skype/FaceTime because it's real-time. When you're with your significant other in person, you're not constantly chatting. There are times where you are silent, just enjoying each other's company. This can happen with Skype, minus the physical cuddling/touching aspect. However, this has gotten me pretty upset before; being happy that you're in real-time with your partner, but not being able to touch him. 

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?* The worst part is not being able to be a "normal couple." You might not get a Valentine's Day, or spend each other's birthdays together. It's sad. You can't just call each other up and say, "Hey, come over! Let's cuddle up and watch some Netflix!" You hear about or see (via Snapchat, Instagram, and photos) your significant other going out, and having fun, and being jealous of everyone else who gets to spend time with him. Sometimes you even forget what he feels/smells like. The best part is how much is strengthens your relationship. It's rough being away from the person you love, but our communication skills have greatly improved already. 

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?* The usual response is "Aw, I'm sorry! That must be so hard." 

*What are some fun things to do?* Some fun things to do while being away from each other include: watching the same movie/TV show and texting back and forth, watching/playing Jeopardy together, taking online quizzes together, sending each other memes via text, sending each other surprises, leaving a note behind for them to find in their room when you are getting ready to leave from your visit


----------



## Nyarlathothep

What if the other part pretends not being able to meet, after years of being 'close', for some unknown reason, even if the relationship is only 'Friendship' ... ?


----------



## cinnabun

Not being able to physiclly comfort your loved one when they're upset is soul destroying.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Soon it will be November...
Counting the days.

SO NERVOUS.


----------



## Lemxn

Lucifel said:


> Soon it will be November...
> Counting the days.
> 
> SO NERVOUS.


Yay!
The first time it's always full of nervous and anxiety, I almost had a nervous attack in airport:laughing: Then you will see his face and everything disappears.

Just breath.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Lemxn said:


> Yay!
> The first time it's always full of nervous and anxiety, I almost had a nervous attack in airport:laughing: Then you will see his face and everything disappears.
> 
> Just breath.


I'm breathing (thank god), but I get nervous just thinking about it. Is he gonna like me? Am I gonna look good? Am I not gonna mess up? URGH I HATE THIS.

I still have to tell my father about the trip on top of everything else.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

So I'm going to meet him one day sooner. YES.


----------



## Yadids

Going to meet him in 35 days from now, that will make it 6 months spent without seeing each other. I look forward to it! 
(That's IF i can book my tickets soon fingers crossed)
((any ideas on how to make it more memorable?))


----------



## cinnabun

Lucifel said:


> Soon it will be November...
> Counting the days.
> 
> SO NERVOUS.


Aw. Best of luck to you, hope it all works out.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Rinnie said:


> Aw. Best of luck to you, hope it all works out.


Thanks! 
It will work out. He's looking forward to this very much as well.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

One month.


----------



## Vermillion

six more months :crying: These three were hard enough and I fear I will just miss him more and more the more I visit him. 

Omg, I don't know how I'll prevail but I MUST, somehow >.< The upcoming years are going to be super hard...


----------



## Yadids

18 days left woohoo!


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

So in about a month and a half or so (last couple weeks of January), I'll be vacationing down in Argentina again with @confused girl28. Spent time there a couple of years ago and absolutely loved it, and was so graciously given an invitation to come back. We're in a bit of an awkward place in our relationship/not realtionship thing, so I'm curious to see where it goes there too. Maybe it's a second chance at something, or maybe it just helps us solidify where we stand.

Regardless, just about everything is in place for the trip and I'm ready to go. It's certainly an easier process the second time around. It's mostly just a matter of waiting until it happens now. Never thought I'd get the first adventure, let alone a second. Life takes you on the most random roads, that's for sure.


----------



## Fuel

I'm not in a LDR, but I just wanted to say that I am happy to see some people are still trying to make things work despite the distance 

To me it sounds a lot more like love than just choosing what is easy.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

12 days


----------



## Macona

Sorry to be a pisser, but LDRs only really work if both parties have the freedom and money to change things. If you're still at school or college, you should just forget it. 

I've seen a few work, but most just burn out painfully.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Macona said:


> Sorry to be a pisser, but LDRs only really work if both parties have the freedom and money to change things. If you're still at school or college, you should just forget it.
> 
> I've seen a few work, but most just burn out painfully.


Sorry to inform but I'm working.


----------



## Macona

Aya of Rivia said:


> Sorry to inform but I'm working.


Good for you, I hope it works out


----------



## Lemxn

Like if we asked his opinion...


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Lemxn said:


> Like if we asked his opinion...


Indeed.


----------



## Macona

Lemxn said:


> Like if we asked his opinion...


I didn't mean to sound confrontational. I was just trying to relate my own experiences and the tone came out wrong


----------



## Macona

I feel bad now...


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Today I was very much spammed with the question 'do you have a boyfriend?' at work and after a while I decided to say yes and describe my boyfriend as a handsome Slav with hazel hair, amazingly blue eyes and the cutest freckles in the world who is so good at fucking that I'm still feeling the remains of the orgasms. The truth shuts up people <3


----------



## 33778

I just dropped @GoodOldDreamer at the airport. He's on his way home right now.
What a sad day guys! I couldn't stop myself from telling him, like a thousand times, that I didn't want him to leave and he would tell me how much he wanted to stay.
It's the second time we go through this, saying goodbye at the airport I mean and one would think that it'd be easier but no.
We spent ten days together and I had the time of my life but seeing him leave today broke my heart.
I'm staying at a hotel tonight since I'm returning home tomorrow morning and I can say without a doubt that this is going to be the longest night ever.

We did have fun and loved each other in every way but I'll talk about it in another post, tonight I just needed to vent.
He just left and I already miss him.... again


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Any plans for Valentine's Day? I'm going to make my usual Skype call and eating chocolates with him.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Aya of Rivia said:


> Any plans for Valentine's Day? I'm going to make my usual Skype call and eating chocolates with him.


Valentine's Day usually ends up being just like any other day for us, sadly.  We haven't gotten to spend it together in-person yet, and it's somewhat challenging to find different ways to make it "even more" special when your love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Valentine's Day usually ends up being just like any other day for us, sadly.  We haven't gotten to spend it together in-person yet, and it's somewhat challenging to find different ways to make it "even more" special when your love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch.


It's going to be much different than any other day, but it will be especial with our own little way. Everyday is kind of special with him.


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

And a day later I've made it home! What a hell of a trip that was! I had the best time I could've hoped for and then some! A total step up from the first trip in pretty much every way. Leaving at the end was a pain in the backside for I dunno how many reasons, as @confused girl28 said, but other than that, it was a total blast!

We had put ourselves in a weird sort of situation prior to the trip but coming back to my new home there in Argentina set us back on a very good track I think. I hope we can maybe deal with it better this time. The distance being there again, I mean. It's hard. But I hope we can make it. We have a strong foundation again, at least.

She and I are so great together in person, it's crazy! And the food! Oh, the food! So much food and such great food! And the people! The culture! The cute stores. The beach! The silly tv shows! Playing spanish Scrabble using english words! Air hockey! Coke and fruit-flavored waters! The cool weather (which she got annoyed with but I kinda loved, lol)! Summer time instead of winter! The evening festivals! The party train!

Oh, I could go on and on. It was incredible. And we were so much more relaxed and comfortable with each other this time around compared to the first time. I can't recommend enough to give it a second try. If your first meeting has higher expectations or pressures or you're just really nervous about meeting and all that but things go generally good or ok, try it a second time. If there's already chemistry there, it's going to be even better. At least it was for us.

And I literally just got home like half an hour ago so I should clean up and rest and give my silly girl a chance to share her thoughts here too.

TL;DR: 10/10 - would do again....

and again...

and again...

Okay, you get it. :tongue:


----------



## Pifanjr

Aya of Rivia said:


> Any plans for Valentine's Day? I'm going to make my usual Skype call and eating chocolates with him.


I want to send a present, but it's hard to think of something that's good enough in my own opinion.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Pifanjr said:


> I want to send a present, but it's hard to think of something that's good enough in my own opinion.


I know exactly what to send him. He is so easy.


----------



## Ace Face

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Valentine's Day usually ends up being just like any other day for us, sadly.  We haven't gotten to spend it together in-person yet, and it's somewhat challenging to find different ways to make it "even more" special when your love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch.


When are you two going to close the distance? It's been so long <3


----------



## Helios

Aya of Rivia said:


> Any plans for Valentine's Day? I'm going to make my usual Skype call and eating chocolates with him.


I got lucky enough to get a Valentine's Day weekend visit just like last year. Instead he's coming here and I'm going to take him around the city some more and hopefully to a formal that happens to be on that Saturday.


----------



## Out0fAmmo

Ace Face said:


> When are you two going to close the distance? It's been so long <3


Short answer: we're working on it. I'm trying to land a job out where @MBTI Enthusiast is, but it's proving to be much more difficult than we anticipated. We thought we would be united by now, so that's tough. Four years is a long time. This is the home stretch, and we're hoping that we can close the final gap as soon as possible.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Ace Face said:


> When are you two going to close the distance? It's been so long <3


I know! :crying: It's actually been pretty tough lately, since it's like we can but we can't close the distance. Whereas before we had a set date and someone/something to blame for keeping us apart, now everything is a little less cut and dry. The countdown has ended and the countup has begun. Waiting for that final piece of the puzzle to fit is kinda slowly killing me.


----------



## 33778

So, back at home now and trying to adapt to my "normal" after ten days in paradise, it´s being harder than I thought.


He came to visit me after two years (because life´s a b$tch sometimes and it gets in the middle so we couldn´t spend time together in person sooner).
I picked him up from the airport, got there two hours earlier because "excitement"!!!!! lol and just waited.


When I saw him I had to stop myself from running to him and clinging to his neck while repeating in my head "act cool, don´t scare him!" lol When he saw me he smiled at me and gave me the warmest hug I´ve received.


Everything was 10+ times better this time which is a lot to say since our last trip was beyond awesome and not that I´m surprised, because I know how amazing we are together, but before the trip we were in an "odd" place.
After almost 4 years relationship we decided not to be in a relationship anymore but we stayed friends, so we didn´t actually know what would happen once together in person, long story short, we never stopped acting like a couple during his visit lol 


We visited places, went to the beach, had lazy days staying in bed watching silly tv shows, played scrable, we also had "real" dates at our favorite restaurant, held hands, went shopping, he hugged me during the thunder storms and comforted me during those times we couldn´t avoid elevators (heaven knows how much I hate them!!) and I put some aftersun gel on his back to aliviate the sunburn he´s got after an entire day at the beach :tongue: I won´t go into too much details but let me tell you that everything was good with the world and we had the time of our lives.


But everything has an end and right now I am at the post happiness stage and it´s being really hard for me to adapt to his absence.
Waking up to an empty bed is the saddest part. I can get busy during the day but at night......damn, nights are hard.
Last night we had our first chat on skype since we are back to our places and it felt so ......weird, I guess. Not being able to get lost into his eyes while listening to him talk, it´s just lame. But as the song goes "if this is what we´ve got, then what we´ve got is gold"  <---------------- that´s my lame attempt to comfort myself lol


We don´t have plans for the future and that is soo sooo scary because, Hello! INFJ here! lol 
We just know that we want to see each other again but we really don´t know when that will be possible again, I hope it´ll be soon but we really don´t know.




Even though the nature of our relationship is long distance, having to adapt to long distance after a meeting is such a pain. Is it just me having troubles with it?


----------



## Pifanjr

confused girl28 said:


> Is it just me having troubles with it?


Not at all. I've purposely tried not to get stuck in a state of just missing her. Cleaning everything I had set up for her quickly(ish), because I know otherwise I could never bring myself to do it. The toothbrush she borrowed still stands in the holder in the bathroom... I want to move over there already and start our life together.


----------



## 33778

Pifanjr said:


> Not at all. I've purposely tried not to get stuck in a state of just missing her. Cleaning everything I had set up for her quickly(ish), because I know otherwise I could never bring myself to do it. The toothbrush she borrowed still stands in the holder in the bathroom... I want to move over there already and start our life together.


I can relate to that!!
I borrowed one of his t-shirts, it still smells like him. I don't know why I do that to myself! *headesk*

I hope you can close the distance soon


----------



## kaleidoscope

I still love this thread, you guys. I wish everyone the best of luck in their LDRs; you're all extremely brave, dedicated and loyal people. It takes a lot of faith, patience, commitment, and creativity to navigate a long distance relationship. I really hope everyone gets reunited with their loved ones very soon. <3


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

confused girl28 said:


> I can relate to that!!
> I borrowed one of his t-shirts, it still smells like him. I don't know why I do that to myself! *headesk*
> 
> I hope you can close the distance soon


I always have him leave a shirt behind after our visits, which I like to smell when I get lonely. 

The post-visit depression is always there. Even after our 10th visit it doesn't get that much easier. Another thing I like to do is go through our pictures from the visit on his last day. It reminds us of the good times we had and makes us smile when otherwise I'd be trying my best to ignore the passing of time. 

We all can make it through this, though! Find _something_ to look forward to and try to make plans for your next visit ASAP!


----------



## Ace Face

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> I know! :crying: It's actually been pretty tough lately, since it's like we can but we can't close the distance. Whereas before we had a set date and someone/something to blame for keeping us apart, now everything is a little less cut and dry. The countdown has ended and the countup has begun. Waiting for that final piece of the puzzle to fit is kinda slowly killing me.


Definitely sending positive vibes your way! I believe the gap can be closed relatively soon--I believe it.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

kaleidoscope said:


> I still love this thread, you guys. I wish everyone the best of luck in their LDRs; you're all extremely brave, dedicated and loyal people. It takes a lot of faith, patience, commitment, and creativity to navigate a long distance relationship. I really hope everyone gets reunited with their loved ones very soon. <3


Thanks!


----------



## AdroElectro

Went to Brazil to see my crush, and got mega friendzoned. So I do not belong in this thread. 

On the bright side I can look for someone closer now! I need to take some time to myself to work on my life and personality first though. Right now I'm just not attractive to anyone, I'm not dateable.


----------



## Pifanjr

Just 2 more days until she arrives :crazy:

Got a message two days ago that the apartment we were going to stay at during our honeymoon had a fire. I must remember to book a new one today, don't want to forget and ruin everything 

I haven't been able to concentrate at work for the past two weeks.

:kitteh:


----------



## Shiki

I'm in one, so I guess I might as well blah about it for a bit

*What works, what doesn't?*
So far everything works? Both she and I are open minded so even if something may be a bad idea we simply tell each other, as we are both aware that there are never bad intentions. Still, this question is so broad...
*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*
"Too much distance" only ever happens if we don't Skype for too long and she seems to be more okay with lack of interaction than I am, although she's working on it so I don't miss her too much
*How often did/do you see your partner?*
Haven't met her in person yet, but we do Skype video calls often
*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
Skype
*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
Worst part is that if she needs her space and wants to ignore me she can, and I can't do anything about it other than get mad at her when she's back. The best part is all the rest.
*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
This shouldn't even be a question. It's widely known that people judge LDR as something doomed to fail, so I don't even tell anyone really.
*What are some fun things to do?*
All of the things I enjoy doing (drawing, writing, gaming, watching things) are things I can do with her, so I share everything. There's more but it's not E rated lol


----------



## PowerShell

On the bright side I get my screws out of my leg Thursday and come Saturday I can drive back to Texas. It'll be nice actually seeing my girlfriend in person again.


----------



## Yadids

Exams going on. My treat for studying shall be meeting him... In 21 days! :'D


----------



## Force Majeure

I need a hug
my girl needs a hug
we both wither and die without each other


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Force Majeure said:


> I need a hug
> my girl needs a hug
> we both wither and die without each other


Feeling the same way. :/


----------



## PowerShell

Finally back in Texas and saw my girlfriend in person again.


----------



## cinnabun

*Not in a LDR anymore but still supports and loves those who are*

It's so different, being with your partner in person, rather than imagining what'll be like.

I honestly don't think I could ever go back to that.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Planning the trip still... we need a solution soon.


----------



## karmachameleon

It's been one and a half week since i saw him. Im dying.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

karmachameleon said:


> It's been one and a half week since i saw him. Im dying.


It only gets worse :')


----------



## karmachameleon

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> It only gets worse :')


Yeah ive made it 4 and a half months without him before but it feels worse now because our last time together was really intense and we solved a lot of things 

its so annoying because when youre spending your time constantly together 24/7 you dont appreciate your time together as much, i mean you do in the beginning because you havent seen them in a long while but i always feel like i shouldve done more or we shouldve had sex like 10 times in a day because we see eachother so little but you dont feel like doing it 10 times a day in the moment


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

karmachameleon said:


> Yeah ive made it 4 and a half months without him before but it feels worse now because our last time together was really intense and we solved a lot of things


I know, that's exactly how I felt after December. We are trying to find a way to solve things for good. Maybe in a year or two. That would be nice.



> always feel like i shouldve done more or we shouldve had sex like 10 times in a day because we see eachother so little but you dont feel like doing it 10 times a day in the moment


I always find that funny, we kind of felt the same, but I don't think sex is a major issue for us.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

Another question:

If Heterosexual, Homosexual, Asexual, etc., is classed as *"Sexuality"*, what would Heteroromatic, Homoromantic, Aromantic, etc., be called? I know each of these are different to *"Gender"* (Cisgender, Transgender, Intersex), and also different to *"Drive"* (Hypersexual, Sexual, Hyposexual (Is this the same thing as Greysexual?), Nonsexual), but I'm yet to come across a term used for the romantic category...Unless it is *"Romantic"*?


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

He's a Superhero! said:


> Another question:
> 
> If Heterosexual, Homosexual, Asexual, etc., is classed as *"Sexuality"*, what would Heteroromatic, Homoromantic, Aromantic, etc., be called? I know each of these are different to *"Gender"* (Cisgender, Transgender, Intersex), and also different to *"Drive"* (Hypersexual, Sexual, Hyposexual (Is this the same thing as Greysexual?), Nonsexual), but I'm yet to come across a term used for the romantic category...Unless it is *"Romantic"*?


It's your romantic orientation, how you engage in the ways of the romance.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> It's your romantic orientation, how you engage in the ways of the romance.


It's interesting how much is involved in all of this.

More questions: How would it feel for people who are romantic orientated towards a gender that they are not attracted to otherwise? What's the best thing they could do about that?


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

He's a Superhero! said:


> It's interesting how much is involved in all of this.
> 
> More questions: How would it feel for people who are romantic orientated towards a gender that they are not attracted to otherwise? What's the best thing they could do about that?


I have no idea. I barely understand this mess. I just fall in love and that's it. I don't have a romantic orientation or drive orientation or whatever. I fall in love and that's it.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> I have no idea. I barely understand this mess. I just fall in love and that's it. I don't have a romantic orientation or drive orientation or whatever. I fall in love and that's it.


I don't think "drive" refers to orientation, just as gender does not mean what orientation a person is.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

He's a Superhero! said:


> I don't think "drive" refers to orientation, just as gender does not mean what orientation a person is.


Maybe but can you be asexual and still be attracted to people and refer to yourself as heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual? Finding people pretty isn't the same as finding them sexually attractive. You can find others men pretty and still not be homosexual. Where do we stand then? I think romantic orientations make sense for people who have no sex drive, because they can still fall in love, even if they don't feel any strong or any at all sexual desire and lot of it sounds like common sense to me. Like demisexual which is people who only feel sexual desire after they know someone, that sounds so natural to me I don't even use a term for it, it's just how I'm.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. Maybe someone will come along who can explain it better than I can.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> Maybe but can you be asexual and still be attracted to people and refer to yourself as heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual? Finding people pretty isn't the same as finding them sexually attractive. You can find others men pretty and still not be homosexual. Where do we stand then? I think romantic orientations make sense for people who have no sex drive, because they can still fall in love, even if they don't feel any strong or any at all sexual desire and lot of it sounds like common sense to me. Like demisexual which is people who only feel sexual desire after they know someone, that sounds so natural to me I don't even use a term for it, it's just how I'm.
> 
> I don't know if I'm making any sense. Maybe someone will come along who can explain it better than I can.


From how I've come to understand it with the research I've been doing, "Asexual" doesn't mean low/no sexual drive. Low sexual drive is Hyposexual (Greysexual?), and no sexual drive at all is Nonsexual. An Asexual person could technically have a high sexual drive, but they aren't attracted to any particular gender. It's a Sexual orientation (or lack of?), rather than a drive, which I think is a misconception, if I've been learning about this correctly. I'm not Asexual, so maybe a good idea if an Asexual member could explain this for us. I hope that I've been learning this accurately.
And yeah of course, knowing that someone is good looking doesn't mean one is attracted to them.

Demisexual sounds really romantic to me. I kinda like the sound of it.


----------



## EyesOpen

I love it SO MUCH when he's out and about doing something special with friends and he sends me pictures of the area or friends and texts me what they're doing. I dunno why, guess just that he thinks of me and kind of including me.   anyone else have a special love of that? Haha


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

We keep making these small plans for when we're together. It's so adorable.


----------



## Out0fAmmo

Well, I'm a few days late on the update (I arrived late Tuesday), but we've done it! @MBTI Enthusiast and I have officially closed the distance after 4.5 years. I'm actually typing this from her computer. It's crazy to think back over that period, and realize that we never have to say, "goodbye" again :happy:. It wasn't easy, but it's bearable if you know that you're meant to be together. I'd do it all over again if it was the only way to be with her.

Stay strong!


----------



## WamphyriThrall

I... never noticed how many similarities there were between MBTI and Ammo


----------



## Miniblini

Out0fAmmo said:


> Well, I'm a few days late on the update (I arrived late Tuesday), but we've done it! @*MBTI Enthusiast* and I have officially closed the distance after 4.5 years. I'm actually typing this from her computer. It's crazy to think back over that period, and realize that we never have to say, "goodbye" again :happy:. It wasn't easy, but it's bearable if you know that you're meant to be together. I'd do it all over again if it was the only way to be with her.
> 
> Stay strong!


Your eyes are like gems! @[email protected]

Also, WOOHOO SUBMITTED MY PAPERS FOR PASSPORT YESTERDAAAAAAY!


----------



## Hiraeth

Out0fAmmo said:


> Well, I'm a few days late on the update (I arrived late Tuesday), but we've done it! @MBTI Enthusiast and I have officially closed the distance after 4.5 years. I'm actually typing this from her computer. It's crazy to think back over that period, and realize that we never have to say, "goodbye" again :happy:. It wasn't easy, but it's bearable if you know that you're meant to be together. I'd do it all over again if it was the only way to be with her.
> 
> Stay strong!


You guys look like you're siblings. Amazing! Enjoy your life together and all the best to you!


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

WamphyriThrall said:


> I... never noticed how many similarities there were between MBTI and Ammo


There is a theory that says that you fall in love with people with similar features to your own. Dunno how much of it is true.


----------



## Pifanjr

Out0fAmmo said:


> Well, I'm a few days late on the update (I arrived late Tuesday), but we've done it! @MBTI Enthusiast and I have officially closed the distance after 4.5 years. I'm actually typing this from her computer. It's crazy to think back over that period, and realize that we never have to say, "goodbye" again :happy:. It wasn't easy, but it's bearable if you know that you're meant to be together. I'd do it all over again if it was the only way to be with her.
> 
> Stay strong!


Congratulations! We're planning to move in together at the end of the year. Hopefully I've managed to find an apartment by then :tongue:


----------



## Force Majeure

I can't believe it, it dawns to me slowly that starting next week this thread will be in the past for me.
It was such a long time this time.
From next week on our souls will be together until death does us part for a while again.


----------



## Ausserirdische

Have you been in one?

I and @Syzygy6 have pretty much been in one together since a few months ago but I guess we just oficialized it now.


What works, what doesn't? 

I guess everything works well? Besides obviously no physical contact. :c 


Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? 

Nope.


How often did/do you see your partner? 

Nope. We want to do it as soon as possible though.


Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)

Skype, though we usually only use the texting feature.


What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? 

Accepting the fact I'm dating. Though this probably would happen in a normal relationship to me too.


The best part?

Everything. 


How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?

I don't.


What are some fun things to do?

One time, we tried to watch a Cowboy Bebop episode "together" late at night. My dad found out I was up and made me go to bed. Another time, we were playing MGS 20 Questions together and the same happened. Another time, we tried to play Portal 2 together online and for some reason we couldn't connect. And another time, I asked her to play BF3 together online and she could only find BF4. Yup.


----------



## Helios

Damn, sleeping in your own bed alone after being together in person for so long is always strange. :/


----------



## Pifanjr

Just a little less than 13 days before @daleks_exterminate and I are together again and this time I'm taking her back with me when I leave :happy:


----------



## Amphoteric

I get to see my boyfriend next Monday, huzzah! He's going to be here for around 2 weeks, and we've already planned doing some exploring to nearby cities and forests, plus finding new pokemon with the Go app. It'll be so nice to finally sleep next to him to again after a four-month absence (we're pretty lucky in terms of proximity for a LDR).


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

A month. A month. A MONTH.


----------



## Ausserirdische

How to feel like an unlucky piece of shit in 3 steps.



Pifanjr said:


> Just a little less than 13 days before @daleks_exterminate and I are together again and this time I'm taking her back with me when I leave :happy:





Amphoteric said:


> I get to see my boyfriend next Monday, huzzah! He's going to be here for around 2 weeks, and we've already planned doing some exploring to nearby cities and forests, plus finding new pokemon with the Go app. It'll be so nice to finally sleep next to him to again after a four-month absence (we're pretty lucky in terms of proximity for a LDR).





Aya the Lady of Cinder said:


> A month. A month. A MONTH.


Profit.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Major Tom said:


> How to feel like an unlucky piece of shit in 3 steps.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Profit.


If you wanna feel less like a loser let me tell you I don't see him since last December.


----------



## Ausserirdische

Aya the Lady of Cinder said:


> If you wanna feel less like a loser let me tell you I don't see him since last December.


That's actually when we first saw each other's faces. Eh.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Major Tom said:


> That's actually when we first saw each other's faces. Eh.


Same here.


----------



## 33778

My LDR wasn't so lucky and it ended. Or better said it evolved to a beautiful friendship.
I still like visiting this thread and live vicariously through you guys. I wish you all the best of luck! I know it's not easy to be in your position but reading your stories gives me hope! Hang in there!


----------



## Ausserirdische

Aya the Lady of Cinder said:


> Same here.


So you only knew what he looked like when you actually met him?


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Major Tom said:


> So you only knew what he looked like when you actually met him?


No, I already knew, it was just when I saw him.


----------



## Ausserirdische

Aya the Lady of Cinder said:


> No, I already knew, it was just when I saw him.


Oh. I thought that because I was referring to the actual first time we sent pictures of our faces. It'll still take a while until we actually meet though. :/


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Major Tom said:


> Oh. I thought that because I was referring to the actual first time we sent pictures of our faces. It'll still take a while until we actually meet though. :/


Ah, I see. That sucks, but good luck.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Stay strong, you guys! I have to say, the end is worth it and even better than expected. Toward the end of our 4.5 year LDR, I was losing steam. The distance was starting to wear me down, and I was beginning to lose hope that it would be possible to reunite and wondering whether our lives could truly merge together. Now, I can't believe I was thinking those things. Our relationship is better than it has ever been and it's obvious why I consider him my soulmate.  Don't let the distance break apart what could be a most beautiful and fulfilling relationship (or marriage!)


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

Best wishes to you. If only we were all so lucky. :happy:


----------



## EyesOpen

One of my good RL friends (soon to be roomie) and another friend of mine are on vacation in England together. My one good friend has talked to my LDR guy online/we've all played games together a few times because she's been over when I was chatting to him and such. Today she got to meet him in person and hang out for the day! 

I dunno why it made me so happy, but it was just super cool to me haha 
Of course, I am very much wishing I could be there and see him again, but I just thought it was so neat..I'm all jazzed about it! Lol they all had a good time  

My turn again next...in several months.


----------



## Necrilia

He bought the plane ticket! =D


----------



## Pifanjr

I'm flying today :happy:

~20 hours before I see her again :blushed:

UPDATE: just arrived at the layover airport, only one short flight more to go.


----------



## zanah0dia

I get paid Friday and then I'm booking my flight up to see my fiancee again!


----------



## 33778

Pifanjr said:


> I'm flying today :happy:
> 
> ~20 hours before I see her again :blushed:
> 
> UPDATE: just arrived at the layover airport, only one short flight more to go.


 Good luck! Have an awesome time!!


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

The countdown starts


----------



## zanah0dia

Tomorrow I get to book my flight!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO KISS THAT NERD


----------



## Necrilia

OMG I will totally meet him and spend so much time with him!











A month and a bit to go. I won't be able to sustain myself from jumping every now and then. Eeeeeee! ^^


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

August is already here. Somebody hold me.











Also, I've looking for a job near my boyfriend and I'm in contact with one of them to see if they'll hire me or not.


----------



## Miniblini

I love this thread. I can be as derpy as I want about my boyfriend, and it is not only accepted, but ECOURAGED!

I leave from California to England on the 23! I am sooooo excited I can hardly contain myself!

@[email protected] I wanna squeeze him! He will surely be confused, but will definitely let it happen. Then I will climb onto his back and acheive my final form. Turning into a jetpack, we will soar the heavens while my giggles propel us across the skies!

Sent from my SM-G360V using Tapatalk


----------



## Pifanjr

Been with my wife, @daleks_exterminate, since the 24th. It's been everything I've expected :happy: :blushed:


----------



## zanah0dia

36 MORE DAYS!! 
It's also my last trip up to Canada as a (legally) single lady! Next time I go up is in January to marry my best friend! 
When I registered on this site I never in a million years thought I'd meet a cute, smart, INFJ boy from Canada and spend the rest of our lives together. Thanks PerC!


----------



## Ausserirdische

All those people meeting their SOs while I'll be lucky if I even manage to see mine before I'm 18.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Major Tom said:


> All those people meeting their SOs while I'll be lucky if I even manage to see mine before I'm 18.


I didn't even think I would be dating a guy from half across Europe let alone have a SO. 

Enviado do meu FEVER através de Tapatalk


----------



## Vermillion

Well, I wish I could post here with jubilant news like everyone. But unfortunately, nope. This year's trip just ended. I feel like crap. 

And yet, I should say, every time we meet it is like falling in love all over again. It really is a gorgeous feeling.

Pounding away forward, until whenever.


----------



## Force Majeure

About nine months ago; it was the last place we went to before I headed back to Europe.
Now nine months later, from which seven spend separated by an ocean, we'll say our vows here in this beautiful garden.
I am the luckiest man on the planet and I know she feels the same.
If only more people could be as happy as we are.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

One week


----------



## zanah0dia

22 more days! 
Thank jeebus too, because I'm feeling the distance super badly lately.


----------



## Flow Ozzy

My first LDR was actually my first relationship on any kind, so .... 

1. Yes, two of them the first one was more intense and the second one was, meh ... both of us were actually not interested in each other that much.. so yeah. 

2. It works for my because I am weird, I am an introvert [ INTP ] and I have social anxiety so it is difficult for me to find anyone in RL to get along with. What doesn't work is that the other person never gets to know how you behave and act in RL, I once described how some people consider me rude and arrogant [ just because of my face ] and my ex was shocked to hear that coz I was a lot expressive around her. 

3. Yes, it matters ... in my first LDR, we were continents apart, I was in here in Pakistan and they were in Canada and it was nearly impossible for me to go there, though she planned a number of times to come and visit coz she was actually from this place. In the second LDR, we just lived in different provinces, cities and I went to see her once in 2015. We went out on a few dates .... 'nothing happened' 

4.In my first LDR, used to see her on cam like everyday, In my second one, we used skyped for like 4-5 times but I was able to meet her in RL so I guess that triumphs all the cam sessions of the first LDR.

5. Skype rules, I am a very traditional person in this regard coz I sent her birthday card by snail mail and then a happy new year [ even though we had already ended our LDR ] ... the second time, I send her a book but she gave me the wrong address by mistake and that book went to some other person :laughing: 

6. Best part is the flexibility of meetings, you can talk to her while they are on a bus, in a market, etc and I think expectations are a bit less as compare to RL. Worst part : No sex . [ I hated all the skype sessions when I just wanted to ... but couldn't ].

7. Hahaha, most of my friends in RL just shrug it off altogether [ rudely ] so now I just don't mention it anymore. 

8. Role play, watching a movie together, playing online games, I used to read books on skype in my first LDR. daydreaming, I don't know I was just actually content in talking about things and there was another person interested in listening to all that crap.


----------



## Flow Ozzy

Btw, I am still open to LDRs [ especially if anyone is interested here on PerC ] :tongue:


----------



## kittenmogu

Really missing my long-distance partner right now.


*Have you been in one? If so...*

My first relationship was a 95% online relationship with someone 3,000 miles away. I was young, it was like a drug high at first but fell apart slowly and painfully. I'm currently in my second one, in which we spent 4 years as friends in person and realized we didn't want to let go of each other after I was graduating college. It's a lot more calm, stable, and real.


*What works, what doesn't?* 

Being able to address conflict is important. Being able to trust them, to feel like even when you don't agree or someone's in a bad mood, that we're all on the same team. Having similar needs for space and closeness is very helpful. Trying to change someone is not helpful. You like em and accept them or you don't. Ideals are a sticky thing in an LDR.


*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? *

Depends on you. I don't think I could do an international LDR. LDR is already hard mode. I know, I just know that extra hard mode would bring me so much misery.


*How often did/do you see your partner? *

Well, I used to eat dinner with them 3-4 times a week. Now that I've moved back home, but she has one more year at school, I don't know how often we'll see each other. The prospects of me seeing her in person before late October are slim.


*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*

Skype. We like to watch cartoons or movies together. We're both artists as well, sometimes we'll relax together over video while working. We spend a lot of time in silence together, doing our own thing but enjoying each other's company. Can't really do that with snail mail. I suppose you can't "Skype" over little gifts, though.


*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*

The worst was/is when I'm having a really Bad Time and wish they were here with me, or vice versa. It's lonely. Also, when misunderstandings happen that just wouldn't happen in person. The best part is we get to be a part of each other's lives even though we're far apart.


*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*

Anyone who I consider a friend knows I've been in one before. I'm young as well, I suppose it's not that strange for people of my generation.


*What are some fun things to do?*

Aside from chilling together or watching shows together or reading the same thing together, it's fun traveling to different places on our own and telling each other about the places we should visit together when we have a chance. "You'd love Iceland," she tells me. "You'd love Taiwan, there's food everywhere." There's many museums and national parks I want to go together with her.


----------



## Ausserirdische

I'm not sure about telling my mom I'm in an LDR. She knows about my girlfriend and that we talk everyday, and she's pretty okay with her, but she doesn't know we're dating. I just am too awkward to tell her I'm in a relstionship by itself, and the fact that it's a different kind of one makes it even worse.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

I've been with my boyfriend the last days, he leaves on Sunday, but I'm very happy. Everyone says I look different and that is another look in my face. It's like his physical presence affects my whole state of being. We're growing very close. We've done things I never thought I would be able to do at this point and he is considering making me feel nicer next time I visit. My parents probably heard us so we'll have to explain everything to them. Which is fine really. We just got a little drunk and a little turned on by each other's presence and movement. I wish I could do it again. Maybe when we're alone in the morning.


----------



## Ausserirdische

Well honestly I feel so fulfilled lately that I don't even sorrow about being away from each other anymore. <3


----------



## kittenmogu

We broke up. The distance is too much for me, and there was no future in sight. I know how much I can suffer in an LDR, and this wasn't someone who could bridge that distance and loneliness. I'm sad, but I've been through worse.


----------



## Helios

I just wrapped up a 2 week visit a couple of days ago to celebrate our second year together. Ideally this time two years from now we will be closing the distance and going to grad school together.


----------



## Ace Face

kittenmogu said:


> We broke up. The distance is too much for me, and there was no future in sight. I know how much I can suffer in an LDR, and this wasn't someone who could bridge that distance and loneliness. I'm sad, but I've been through worse.


That really sucks. LDRs are a lot of work, and some people just don't put in the effort it takes to make it work efficiently. I wish I had something more comforting to say, but I fear all I have to offer is a cyber hug <3 Keep your chin up. The right person will make it very apparent that a relationship with you is more than worth the effort, and that person is out there somewhere waiting for you.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

He went back to his home yesterday. It was hard. It is hard. I'm strangely home alone. I miss his presence.


----------



## Macrosapien

kittenmogu said:


> We broke up. The distance is too much for me, and there was no future in sight. I know how much I can suffer in an LDR, and this wasn't someone who could bridge that distance and loneliness. I'm sad, but I've been through worse.



That sucks, I sure many of us have been there, I know I have. A whole world ahead of you, you will find a person who will fit with you, and is willing to make sacrifices for love. it'll happen.


----------



## Macrosapien

I met someone last month on a dating site (lol), but i dunno, it seems different, I have that weird special feeling inside, an intuitive thing, feels like I found a real deep connection, talked to her for like 4 hours our last few convos... but she lives quite a bit away from me, but luckily in the same country, so for me, money is no real issue as far as traveling is concerned. But again its only a potentiality at this point, but it feels right. so as the blind man says, we shall see...


----------



## Vermillion

kittenmogu said:


> We broke up. The distance is too much for me, and there was no future in sight. I know how much I can suffer in an LDR, and this wasn't someone who could bridge that distance and loneliness. I'm sad, but I've been through worse.


I'm sorry to hear that! I remember reading about your relationship on the forum and thinking it was cute. I hope you find even greater and better people in your life who you can build a future together with. Best wishes :hugs:


----------



## EyesOpen

Just had one of those really great online hang out sessions where you have SO MUCH fun together. And then you hang up and your insides cramp-n-squeeze because you just want to be there having fun in person instead and you're not and it kinda sucks. Bleeeeh. Worth it, but bleeeh.
/whine


----------



## zanah0dia

Tonight we screen-share-Netflixed The Magic School Bus for date night, and 5 nights from now we'll (finally) be together again!! I CAN'T WAIT. This week is gonna drag by so slowly....


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

@Macrosapien Let's hope everything goes well, best of you luck to you!


----------



## zanah0dia

TWO MORE DAYS OF WORK THEN IT'S TIME!!!
Tonight I'm doing laundry, starting packing, and getting very and extremely nervous. Neither of us feel ready, but we didn't feel ready last time either and we went just fine. Saturday night I'll be kissing @Winegums !!


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

zanah0dia said:


> Tonight we screen-share-Netflixed The Magic School Bus for date night, and 5 nights from now we'll (finally) be together again!! I CAN'T WAIT. This week is gonna drag by so slowly....


Yay, I was watching the MSB on Netflix with @Out0fAmmo recently, as well!


----------



## kittenmogu

Ace Face said:


> That really sucks. LDRs are a lot of work, and some people just don't put in the effort it takes to make it work efficiently. I wish I had something more comforting to say, but I fear all I have to offer is a cyber hug <3 Keep your chin up. The right person will make it very apparent that a relationship with you is more than worth the effort, and that person is out there somewhere waiting for you.





Macrosapien said:


> That sucks, I sure many of us have been there, I know I have. A whole world ahead of you, you will find a person who will fit with you, and is willing to make sacrifices for love. it'll happen.





Night Huntress said:


> I'm sorry to hear that! I remember reading about your relationship on the forum and thinking it was cute. I hope you find even greater and better people in your life who you can build a future together with. Best wishes :hugs:


Thank you all for the kind words, so much. It meant a lot to me to read your responses. 

I... I feel quite sheepish saying this now but after a few days I went back to her and we're back together.

I had broken up with her because I had a painful meltdown. It was brought on by lack of proper communication --> intense loneliness, and bad memories of LDRs past. I didn't go into depth in my original response but I've actually been in two LDRs in my life before this one, both causing me an incredible amount of suffering (being young and having untreated depression+anxiety didn't help). During the LDR before this one, the emotional strain contributed to me being hospitalized, to give you an idea of how bad the experience was. But that's long passed and I don't write that for your sympathy, but rather for building context: Being reminded of that in the present, I thought to myself, no, no, not this again, I never wanted to feel like this ever again. Unable to calm down, instead of working it out I severed the source as quickly and decisively as I could. 

My partner respected my decision and let me go, but after a while of thinking alone, and uh, calming down, I felt that I would rather give this relationship a chance. She is not the same as my previous partners, and I am also not the same as I was, years ago. She had already stuck with me through thick and thin through the years like no one has ever before-- in a typical Enneagram 4 fashion I am a host of emotional issues-- and therefore, I have reason to believe that things can be okay with this person. Things aren't the same as before. We can work something out. And if it doesn't, I can let it go with the peace of knowing that we tried all we could.

If you read this, thanks for reading. Hoping for happy days looking forward, already have lived so many with her. Glad to know I will still be able to invite her over for Thanksgiving and give her the gifts I bought, one of them being this:










(inside joke, kinda)

Hopefully I will be able to visit her in October


----------



## Phantaspark

I haven't been able to talk to him all weekend because his parents took away his electronics and I just don't know what to do with myself. :dispirited:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Things have been rather hard for me. I guess I'm suffering from something similar to pain of separation. I don't know what to do with my life or what direction to take. It all seems pointless at times.


----------



## 33778

It's been a while since the last time I posted in this thread. I'm still around reading you guys but since I'm not in a LDR anymore I don't post that often because I feel like I'm intruding or something  



Aya the Lady of Cinder said:


> Things have been rather hard for me. I guess I'm suffering from something similar to pain of separation. I don't know what to do with my life or what direction to take. It all seems pointless at times.


 I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I can totally relate. I remember feeling something similar after every visit with my ex. In fact after every visit came a huge fight because I just didn't see the point anymore. I mean, I would wonder every time, is this much pain worth it? 
I wouldn't think much of the amazing times we spent together but of how much saying goodbye hurt.

I wish I knew a magic recipe or a magic word to ease your pain but unfortunately I don't. Long distance sucks, period. But what makes it all worth it is your SO and the love you both share.
Who knows what the future will bring, maybe you two are going to reunite and close the distance and there won't be a point in suffering so much. 

Again I hope you get to feel better, talk to your SO and let it all go out and hold onto the happy moments you guys share together.
Good luck


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

@confused girls we are not fighting, it's simply the pain of not being able to be with him


----------



## yet another intj

Aya the Lady of Cinder said:


> Things have been rather hard for me. I guess I'm suffering from something similar to pain of separation. I don't know what to do with my life or what direction to take. It all seems pointless at times.


We are building castles made of sand. Not because it's easier to build one with wet sand, but because it's the only meaningful thing with belief and vulnerability. What makes us human beings is our efforts to create and protect our nonsense, even care them enough to grieve after their demise. Everybody dies... But... Only a bunch of them can say I lived.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

yet another intj said:


> We are building castles made of sand. Not because it's easier to build one with wet sand, but because it's the only meaningful thing with belief and vulnerability. What makes us human beings is our efforts to create and protect our nonsense, even care them enough to grieve after their demise. Everybody dies... But... Only a bunch of them can say I lived.


You misunderstand me. Like I said, I'm not fighting without or getting into an unstable relationship.


----------



## zanah0dia

An update!

I've been home for almost a week. 9 days wasn't enough, but we're getting better at this. 

His mom and I are texting back and forth sharing recipes, which still freaks me out, but INFJ fiancé says I should get used to it because come January she'll be my mother-in-law, something I was DEFINITELY NOT READY FOR. Mentally I've gotten to the "okok cool, marriage!" part, but the "in-laws" part is still a bit away. Not that I don't like his family; they're fantastic. (His dad just about cried when I had to leave this time.)

His mom's family in Hong Kong(where she's from) are shopping around for our wedding bands(he wants platinum and it's cheaper over there) and we're planning receptions and picking dates for flights and life is wild. When did this happen!! Who gave us permission!! What did I do to deserve so much love from such cool people!! 

He's flying down to stay with me in late November/early December, and after that, the next time we meet will be to get married. Our marriage commissioner is booked and all we have yet to do is buy the marriage license and sign the papers. And then comes immigration and sponsorship applications and then, after a long wait, the day where we don't have to say goodbye anymore.

How is this real! Life is crazy, y'all.


----------



## Ace Face

He'll be here tomorrow. I have so much to do :3


----------



## Impavida

Annnnnd after years of saying I will never do another LDR, I find myself on the brink of another LDR. FML. And I just had to make it more complicated by throwing an international border into the mix this time too..... *sigh* Why did he have to be so darn charming?


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Honestly, nights like these are when I miss my wife the most and I'm certain she does too. I'm counting down the days until we're back in each others' arms and don't have to put up with anymore bullshit. Miss you babe! :kitteh:


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Oops, double post. :bwink:


----------



## EyesOpen

When they're having a tough day and you can't be with them and you feel kinda useless and you sound like a sappy, smothery person because all you have is words.... or is that just me?  Ayyy...maybe lamest part of the distance, not being able to physically be there and just lovingly squish the poopy day away. Ah well.

And yes. I said "squish" and "poopy" in the same sentence.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

EyesOpen said:


> When they're having a tough day and you can't be with them and you feel kinda useless and you sound like a sappy, smothery person because all you have is words.... or is that just me?  Ayyy...maybe lamest part of the distance, not being able to physically be there and just lovingly squish the poopy day away. Ah well.
> 
> And yes. I said "squish" and "poopy" in the same sentence.


No, definitely not just you! Eyyy!!! Because I'm the same way. :wink:

Hahah yes you did say "squish" and "poopy" in the same sentence. :smile:


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

After all, we ended up planing two trips next year, which means I'll be visiting him twice next year. Now I just need to tell my parents not to count on me during that time.

My best friend wanted me to stay 23 days at once with him, of course, that's impossible, sadly.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

EyesOpen said:


> When they're having a tough day and you can't be with them and you feel kinda useless and you sound like a sappy, smothery person because all you have is words.... or is that just me?  Ayyy...maybe lamest part of the distance, not being able to physically be there and just lovingly squish the poopy day away. Ah well.
> 
> And yes. I said "squish" and "poopy" in the same sentence.


As long as there is no period after the word "poopy", it's all good.


Things are still going great on my end after closing the distance.  Funny how LDRs tend to extend or roller coaster the honeymoon phase. Right now I think we're in a honeymoon/commitment phase mixture.


----------



## Ausserirdische

Well, all this talk about the possibility of war recently (go to Current Events sub-forum) is getting me worried up about my girlfriend in the US.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Prague, my loves. Prague.


----------



## Pifanjr

Ausserirdische said:


> Well, all this talk about the possibility of war recently (go to Current Events sub-forum) is getting me worried up about my girlfriend in the US.


I'm happy Daleks and I are moving to the Netherlands this Saturday. Here's to hoping nothing goes wrong with her visa application.



Aya the Abysswalker said:


> Prague, my loves. Prague.


We spend our honeymoon there, it was really wonderful.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

@Pifanjr I'm so into planning this trip.


----------



## Pifanjr

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> @Pifanjr I'm so into planning this trip.


If you're looking on airbnb, don't take the "yacht". It's a tiny sailboat with no bathroom and the only 'air conditioning' is a little space heater that you have to turn off before you go to sleep because it might catch on fire.

That being said, there's some good apartments available on there. We spent our last night in an apartment at walking distance from the Prague Castle.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

@*Pifanjr* We're probably staying in a hotel because I prefer it this way. It's much more comfy than an apartment and I have time to stay at my boyfriend's.

Also, Powder Tower hype.


----------



## Pifanjr

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> @*Pifanjr* We're probably staying in a hotel because I prefer it this way. It's much more comfy than an apartment and I have time to stay at my boyfriend's.
> 
> Also, Powder Tower hype.


I personally definitely preferred the apartments, hotel rooms always feel so small to me. Then again, Daleks and I were staying in them together and if I understand you correctly you and your boyfriend won't be sharing the room?

There's a ton of beautiful stuff in Prague, especially if you like architecture or history.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

@Pifanjr we are. We shared a room while he stayed here. It was quite fun and I rather not having either of us do much, honestly. Just walking around is nice. I hate going to vacations and having to worry about cooking and buying food. Plus, I do like hotel rooms. They're always quite comfy and more luxurious than my room. 

Yes, that's why I'm so hyped about it.


----------



## JennyJukes

Have you been in one? yes - started off as one 3.5 years ago, been living together 1.5 years

What works, what doesn't? umm you get time to yourselves I guess? but otherwise its difficult, for me I want to talk all the time but when they were busy I didn't like it... but then when I was busy and they wanted to talk they didn't like it lol.

Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? ummm well no not really but it'd be hard definitely..

How often did/do you see your partner? 2-3 days a month when we were ldr, everyday now 

Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death) skype and txt lol no love notes from my OH 

What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part? challenging obviously not being together duh lol

How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR? say they could never do it blahblah 

What are some fun things to do? idk like have a sleepover, like we would go on skype together and just fall asleep on mic etc


----------



## BDBoop

Have you been in one? If so...
What works, what doesn't? Being back-burnered doesn't work. We've had to have this talk more than once.
Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? I don't think so.
How often did/do you see your partner? We may never meet. Depends on how my book writing goes. ($$$)
Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death) Skype is all we've ever had.
What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? Dunno.
The best part? When he starts snoring, I hang up. 
How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR? My sister thought it was sort of imaginary. I think that has more to do with the age difference, which doesn't bother either one of us, but he's only told his mother and I've only told my sister and a few close friends.
What are some fun things to do? Cyber.  Actually, we met in SL, and hopefully someday we'll get back there because yeah. It is good to actually see "us" in the same airspace. I miss it.


----------



## EyesOpen

Forgot to celebrate about this in here but...Christmas visit tickets booked!! *shimmy of happiness* Visit will be 9 full days plus a half day at the start and end.  
Also, who knew I'd ever be the type to visit England twice in a year? Sheesh. Jet setter.


----------



## BDBoop

EyesOpen said:


> Forgot to celebrate about this in here but...Christmas visit tickets booked!! *shimmy of happiness* Visit will be 9 full days plus a half day at the start and end.
> Also, who knew I'd ever be the type to visit England twice in a year? Sheesh. Jet setter.


My guy is in England as well!


----------



## Hiraeth

Just 2 weeks and 3 days until we finally meet. It doesn't even feel real, after 11 months of waiting. xD


----------



## 33778

Sending good vibes and energy to everybody in this thread! My total and complete admiration for you guys.


----------



## Headdesk

In one currently and chiming in. We live in Minneapolis, MN, and Winnipeg, Canada, so it's actually only like a 6-hour drive away. We met in an MMO of all places. He found a harmonica two days ago and won't stop with it now send help.

Also wishing everyone here the best.


----------



## Pifanjr

We send in the application for a permanent visa a few days ago. It can take up to 90 days to get a response, which is way too long.

Here's hoping nothing goes wrong and it won't end up taking even longer.


----------



## kaleidoscope




----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

A little happiness for all of us.


----------



## Hiraeth

We've been together in person for the first time. Now that he's gone, it feels like a dream, like it never happened in reality. It's like I just woke up and I don't understand what's going on around me, or who I am: what happened? why am I here, and not there into my dream? All I want is him, it's even more desperate than before we met. I crave for him, all the time. I don't feel whole, I feel like I'm missing something, without him. I feel restless in a pretty calm and quiet way though. And puzzled.


----------



## Desthro

I'm going to be hopping on a plane in 10 days, 2 hours and 23 minutes, and all I can think about is how everything is going to go down. I can't wait. It's like utter madness has consumed my thought processes and ability to reason. But, at the same time, the risk is worth it. I cannot imagine not being able to give of myself to her.


----------



## 33778

Desthro said:


> I'm going to be hopping on a plane in 10 days, 2 hours and 23 minutes, and all I can think about is how everything is going to go down. I can't wait. It's like utter madness has consumed my thought processes and ability to reason. But, at the same time, the risk is worth it. I cannot imagine not being able to give of myself to her.


I'm living vicariously through you! Please let us know how it all goes! 
Sending good vibes your way and I wish you the best of luck!


----------



## kaleidoscope

LDR in a nutshell:


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Living with @Pifanjr is amazing. Seriously amazing. We found out that his work filled in something wrong with the visa application so we have to get that fixed and then it may possibly take until Febuary to process. Which may mean I have to leave the EU then return, I guess id only need to go to Brittan


----------



## 33778

kaleidoscope said:


> To anyone else in a LDR, what's stopping you from dropping everything and just moving closer to the person you love?


Not in a LDR anymore but I hope you don't mind me answering 

My girls were the main reason. I have two daughters, they have their lives here, friends, family, school and it was impossible for me to ask them to quit to everything and just pack and leave.

I'm having troubles wording this message so I'm not sure I'll post it. 
My girls are my number one priority and my ex knew it and accepted it. I think that I shall be more "free" after my youngest daughter gets older and more independent (she's 11 years old) so I'd have to wait for at least another 7 years. I just realized how selfish it is to ask someone to put their life on hold just because of my priorities/choices/decisions.

Not saying that put an end to the relationship since there were other things happening as well but it's really important to have the "closing the distance at some point in time" goal. At least it is for me.

Also the cultural differences. I'm from Argentina and my ex is from the U.S. The change would have been kind of shocking, he doesn't even speak my language. It must have been difficult to adapt. But I'm just speculating here.

I don't regret my decision and I rarely think about "what could have been" but truth is I didn't take the risk so I'll never know.

Having said that I don't feel I have the authority to give advice or anything but some things are impossible to know for sure until you do it.

I highly admire you all guys, I know how hard and beautiful it is to be in a LDR, and wish you the best of luck.


----------



## EyesOpen

kaleidoscope said:


> @*Out0fAmmo* and @*MBTI Enthusiast*
> 
> If you don't mind me asking: if you went back in time and it was feasible, would you have closed the distance sooner? I know for a while, you guys struggled with wanting to do that the "right way", with Ammo finding a job and everything, and I'm just wondering what your thoughts are when you look back. How do you know that closing the distance is more important, or more of a priority than being wise and doing things the right way?
> 
> To anyone else in a LDR, what's stopping you from dropping everything and just moving closer to the person you love? What's holding you back, or what's in the way?


Can't just move to another country on a whim, unfortunately...there's immigration rules and stuff.  lol Plus, partner just finished with his education and is interviewing for jobs, so not sure where he'll end up. Probably sometime after that, planning will begin. For me, it will be about what is needed to get wherever and also money. So, we'll see. Not holding my breath for anything to happen anytime soon.


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

kaleidoscope said:


> @*Out0fAmmo* and @*MBTI Enthusiast*
> 
> To anyone else in a LDR, what's stopping you from dropping everything and just moving closer to the person you love? What's holding you back, or what's in the way?


I guess it depends on the situation you're in. If my LDR had been within the same country, even if we were on opposite sides of the country, closing the distance would've been infinitely easier. And tbh, I would've moved near her after the first trip if it had been, regardless of if she could move or not. :tongue:

But when it comes to crossing borders and moving to a new country, that can be a whole new can of worms in itself, regardless of how the relationship is going or if the people involved can drop what they're doing and make it happen. Immigration is a pain the arse, lol.

I guess it depends on where you are, and what can be done about it. The distance is a bigger obstacle for some than for others.


----------



## Ausserirdische

I might be able to meet my girlfriend (@Syzygy6) by the middle of this year.

I just have to talk with my mom (who thinks she's just an online friend but already said there wouldn't be a problem if she wanted to visit me some day) and she needs to talk to hers about it. Hopefully Brazilian winter still won't be too hot for her.


----------



## kaleidoscope

@*confused girl28* @*GoodOldDreamer* and @*EyesOpen*

Thank you for responding <3 Here's my struggle, and maybe you can help. I'm already in the States, here for grad school (so on a student visa) and I'm graduating in May with my Master's degree. I already had options to stay in the US even before I met @*Desthro*, both academic (already have 3 PhD programs interested in interviewing me) AND a job offer that offers a sponsorship, which is kinda rare. Both give me a path to citizenship, and I'm learning more towards jobs at this point just because that path is shorter. The problem is.. none of these options bring me close to Desthro. The closest PhD program to him is like.. 10 hours away, which isn't bad but not close either. (The PhD program path is typically 4-5 years.) 

I'm just kind of lost in a sea of options, which is a good but overwhelming problem to have. Meanwhile, things are so fantastic with Desthro that I just.. feel really compelled to drop everything and move to where he is, lol. I have no ties, no family here, and I could easily move wherever I want. I don't want to look back someday and realize I wasted 5-10 years doing things "the right way" when I could've just followed my heart. I realize none of you are in a position to tell me what to do, but words of advice, or encouragement, things to consider, would be really really helpful.


----------



## Epic Love

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> People who live far. I don't consider a two hour ride a LDR. You catch a bus and you're there, it's not like you have to wait and put your heart on the line.


Okay so I don't know if I fit the LDR label since it's an 6.5 hour ride with the train from the train station in my town to the train station in his.


----------



## Necrilia

kaleidoscope said:


> To anyone else in a LDR, what's stopping you from dropping everything and just moving closer to the person you love? What's holding you back, or what's in the way?


Although I'm not in a LDR now, I can tell you what stopped me in the previous ones.

Money. =)

I think you should prioritize yourself and your success as #1, no matter what. You should be the most important person to yourself. Use the strength and youthfulness you have now, you might have big regrets in the future if you don't.

I've learnt I can't have it all and was in situations where I had to choose between becoming the kind of person I've always wanted to be and listening to my heart. Very hard moments.

I chose to become the kind of person I've always wanted to be. Why?

Because the quality of my life will always be high if I was satisfied with myself and happy. The partner that I live my life with is the cherry on top of the cake. He would be the beneficiary of my love toward him, because I would be able to love him the way I had always wanted to. 
And the way I had always wanted to love my partner could be born only after being satisfied with myself and loving myself. I would be able to give him anything my heart wants to give him, because of my own personal growth that I set for myself.


* *




And those things that I would give him include incredible sexual experience that only improves with time, great gifts, the best of me and limitless loyalty. To give all of that and even more, one needs to grow and love oneself.




The start of a relationship is such an easy period... you don't have to invest as much. But with time it becomes harder. 
Choose what you think is right for you and don't sacrifice the wishes and dreams you've always had within yourself.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Epic Love said:


> Okay so I don't know if I fit the LDR label since it's an 6.5 hour ride with the train from the train station in my town to the train station in his.


For me, you do. I take 2 hour in a plane plus 4 hours in train. That doesn't count the time waiting at airports and train stations. 

6 hours in a train is not the same as two hours in a bus. 8 do two hours in a bus monthly to see my friends.


----------



## Epic Love

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> For me, you do. I take 2 hour in a plane plus 4 hours in train. That doesn't count the time waiting at airports and train stations.
> 
> 6 hours in a train is not the same as two hours in a bus. 8 do two hours in a bus monthly to see my friends.


Thanks I just never know because wee see each other every week from Thrusday afternoon to Monday morning, even more when I have no university, or we have holidays, so many wouldn't count it as long distance because of how frequently we see each other.


----------



## Ausserirdische

Epic Love said:


> Okay so I don't know if I fit the LDR label since it's an 6.5 hour ride with the train from the train station in my town to the train station in his.


That's fairly distant imo, it wouldn't be so easy to frequently visit him. So I guess it could be considered an LDR. There are people in even more difficult situations (like having very very different time zones, but luckily I don't have to deal with that), but I'd still consider it long distance.


----------



## Desthro

So Kaleidosope is hopping on her plane back shortly. 22 hours until I see her and hold her in my arms again. These last three weeks have been complete and utter hell. :frustrating:

At least I won't have to go through this again for at least another 11.5 months.


----------



## Blue Ribbon

Desthro said:


> So Kaleidosope is hopping on her plane back shortly. 22 hours until I see her and hold her in my arms again. These last three weeks have been complete and utter hell. :frustrating:
> 
> At least I won't have to go through this again for at least another 11.5 months.


You guys are adorable. Sooooooo cuute omg *dies*


----------



## Ausserirdische

Good news is that it's becoming more likely that I'll actually get to meet my girlfriend soon.

Bad news is that it'll prolly happen by the end of this year/start of 2018 instead of the middle of the current one.


----------



## Blue Ribbon

Okay so here goes... 
*
Have you been in one? If so...*

I'm currently with @Memory of Talon 

*What works, what doesn't?* 

Well, not being physically with him sucks. That's hard. That being said, we talk as often as we can and that's great. The feeling when I go to bed thinking of him and wake up thinking of him. Almost everyday the first thing I do when I wake up is leave him a message. The little things make me happy  
*
Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? *

When you're in love, isn't any distance too much? Also we literally live on the opposite sides of the globe so there's that. However, the distance doesn't intimidate me. I know we will cross it one day. 

*How often did/ do you see your partner? *

We've never met before. 
*
Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*

I'm not going to snail mail my boyfriend half way across the world. Mail takes weeks to reach you. 
*
What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*

The worst part, besides the distance, is the time zone difference... We're around 12 hours apart and it's terrible. I won't be able to meet him till I graduate that's a year and a half away. Then I'd have to save up enough money to make the trip. Then there's the issue of having to deal with my very very Indian family. *sigh* So many obstacles stand in my way. 

The best part? Well, I'm with Talon <3 what else more could I want? 
*
How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*

I haven't told a lot of people. My best friend told me 'follow your heart and go for what you want.' I'm not allo allowed to date (that's a thing in India) so I mostly have to keep it a secret. 
* 
What are some fun things to do?*

We text and talk as much as we can. Idk if we can do other stuff since I'm trying to keep it a secret and well, time zones. It's a lot of fun just talking though. 

Talon <3 I love you.


----------



## 33778

kaleidoscope said:


> @*confused girl28* @*GoodOldDreamer* and @*EyesOpen*
> 
> Thank you for responding <3 Here's my struggle, and maybe you can help. I'm already in the States, here for grad school (so on a student visa) and I'm graduating in May with my Master's degree. I already had options to stay in the US even before I met @*Desthro*, both academic (already have 3 PhD programs interested in interviewing me) AND a job offer that offers a sponsorship, which is kinda rare. Both give me a path to citizenship, and I'm learning more towards jobs at this point just because that path is shorter. The problem is.. none of these options bring me close to Desthro. The closest PhD program to him is like.. 10 hours away, which isn't bad but not close either. (The PhD program path is typically 4-5 years.)
> 
> I'm just kind of lost in a sea of options, which is a good but overwhelming problem to have. Meanwhile, things are so fantastic with Desthro that I just.. feel really compelled to drop everything and move to where he is, lol. I have no ties, no family here, and I could easily move wherever I want. I don't want to look back someday and realize I wasted 5-10 years doing things "the right way" when I could've just followed my heart. I realize none of you are in a position to tell me what to do, but words of advice, or encouragement, things to consider, would be really really helpful.


I wanted to reply to this earlier but I've been sick and I've barely been online (or conscious for that matter lol) sorry about that.

Swimming in an ocean of options can be as overwhelming as having no option at all, I can see your struggle and I feel for you.

I'd feel like a hypocrite if I tell you to take the risk and follow your heart since I didn't dare to do just that.

In any case don't do something that'd put your citizenship at risk, since that'd bring some issues in the future for whatever you decide to do.

Sorry I can't be of help this time, since your the one who know about your priorities. All I can suggest is to talk with him about it (a lot!) And I'm sure you both will find some middle ground. Something that'll make both of you happy 
There are two of you now to make decisions, that can be a challenge sometimes but a good one in the end!

Hope you guys are enjoying your time together! What am I saying, of course you are!! 

Good luck!!


----------



## 33778

Blue Ribbon said:


> Okay so here goes...
> *
> Have you been in one? If so...*
> 
> I'm currently with @Memory of Talon .


Hey!! Congrats!!!


----------



## Ausserirdische

Blue Ribbon said:


> I'm not allo allowed to date (that's a thing in India)


Even though I complain a lot about living here in Brazil (because there's a lot to complain), at least I have a lot of freedom compared to other places. It's actually the opposite for me, people just want me to date someone already  But I'm unsure about telling people I'm in an LDR, so I just tell them my gf is an online friend.


----------



## SolonsWarning

It's a little crazy to me that something so trivial as distance is keeping so many people from being with the ones they love.


----------



## Necrilia

Finally back with him. 

Spent this weekend being totally disconnected from the world and only connected to him. Nothing mattered.

Those are the days I live for.


----------



## perpetuallyreticent

I've started something of a LDR.. not entirely sure if it's at the "official" point yet.. but it's getting there. We met in person 2 weeks ago exactly and it went splendidly. We decided after that, that we wanted to keep things going. He's flying here to see me, again, the first week of February. I'm excited. :blushed:


----------



## ethylene

Desthro said:


> Exciting news!
> 
> So @kaleidoscope and I were on our way to a very cool place where I live, and we got stranded on a snowy road in a wilderness area with no cell coverage. I started to get a little freaked out, (code word for OMFG in the cold, stranded, no cell signal, life potentially in danger . .) But Kalei helped keep me calm so we could try to escape. We tried, in the dark, to dig out my vehicle and lay branches under the tires so we could get some traction and hopefully get out without having to hike three kilometers on a dark, snowy, rarely-if-ever traveled road. Unfortunately, we didn't have what we needed to get out, so we had to hike a kilometer or so until we got a cellular signal. It was out there, in the dark, the wilderness, alone, where we really stuck together and kept it going. We called for help, and they were on the way, but we had to hike another couple of kilometers to get to a place where we could get picked up. This night was pretty hard on us, and I had planned to ask Kalei for her hand that same evening. . . so while we were waiting for extraction, I decided to ask her, only. . . when I reached into my pocket, the ring we had settled on and purchased together had fallen out in the snow when digging, or on the road when we slipped. Kalei thought I was joking when I told her it was gone, at first, but I asked her anyway and she said yes.
> 
> The next day we called in a few favors, I purchased some tire chains, and brought a shovel and we hiked back to the vehicle and spent the next four hours digging out the vehicle. We eventually were able to dig the vehicle out, get the chains on the tires, and get ourselves out. Not what she or I expected for her trip out here, but we did it. And I couldn't have done it without her. She helped keep me focused on the task at hand.
> 
> I couldn't have asked for a more amazing partner
> 
> Replacement material object is en route.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*runs around the room*
I'll be back with a coherent congratulatory remark.


----------



## perpetuallyreticent

ENTJudgement said:


> *Have you been in one?
> 
> **Yes, I've been in a few and it was the worst idea I've ever come up with.**
> 
> What works, what doesn't?
> LDR itself DOES NOT WORK, people need to understand that a LDR is a temporary arrangement aka a waiting game for when you ACTUALLY get to be together. Without a CLEAR and DEFINED goal + timeline, its basically escaping reality and defeats the entire philosophy of a relationship where you are NOT together.
> 
> Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
> As soon as you are both in different countries, it is "too much distance" because its a frustrating task to sort out immigration and uproot your entire life to live in some strange country leaving everyone else behind.
> 
> 
> Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
> Both suck, when on video, it makes you think you're building a connection and pulls at your heart strings only to realize after the call how far you really are from the other person, its like sugar, get a sugar rush then completely deplete after the insulin spike.
> 
> What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
> Physical separation. The best part is there are no good parts unless you wanted to be alone 99.9% of the time and use the Skype sessions to fill that 0.1% void & of course, no touching.
> 
> 
> How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
> They tell me I'm retarded, at first I defended my case but looking back, I was retarded and should of listened to what people said.
> 
> 
> 
> What are some fun things to do?
> Don't know, the more "fun" you have the more you crave physical intimacy, its like a carrot on a stick, you want it but you won't get it.*


I agree with @BlackDog on this being very realistic. Yeah, it's negative, but reality isn't black and white. It's a mix of both. 

I fully agree that LDR is not a long term arrangement, or at least not meant to be. I've talked with my bf, whom of which I'm in a LDR with and we've discussed how long we can realistically continue this as LDR before it becomes unbearable. I can handle longer, but he gave me a time frame of 2-3 years before he'd consider it entirely pointless. Although there is some unforeseeable perspective here we can't channel because we aren't living 1 or 2 years into the future to see how fast things are progressing. But I considered that time frame completely reasonable. 

LDR is definitely not meant to stay LDR, and it's painful if there is no end game. We've only known eachother for 4 months, been officially dating for a little over a month now. And we've already covered those bases, because otherwise it's a waste of our time.

On a lighter note, I'm going to fly to see him on the 17th of this month. 15 days now. I'm so excited. Although I know it's going to pass too quickly.


----------



## Necrilia

Ah f***, now he's back in his apartment. Feels like long distance. 

A few days to go. =D


----------



## Hiraeth

Where's the "sexually frustrated" thread? ) It's been only 3 months and a half, but it feels like forever.


----------



## Helios

ENTJudgement said:


> *Have you been in one?
> 
> **Yes, I've been in a few and it was the worst idea I've ever come up with.**
> 
> What works, what doesn't?
> LDR itself DOES NOT WORK, people need to understand that a LDR is a temporary arrangement aka a waiting game for when you ACTUALLY get to be together. Without a CLEAR and DEFINED goal + timeline, its basically escaping reality and defeats the entire philosophy of a relationship where you are NOT together.
> 
> Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
> As soon as you are both in different countries, it is "too much distance" because its a frustrating task to sort out immigration and uproot your entire life to live in some strange country leaving everyone else behind.
> 
> 
> Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
> Both suck, when on video, it makes you think you're building a connection and pulls at your heart strings only to realize after the call how far you really are from the other person, its like sugar, get a sugar rush then completely deplete after the insulin spike.
> 
> What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
> Physical separation. The best part is there are no good parts unless you wanted to be alone 99.9% of the time and use the Skype sessions to fill that 0.1% void & of course, no touching.
> 
> 
> How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
> They tell me I'm retarded, at first I defended my case but looking back, I was retarded and should of listened to what people said.
> 
> 
> 
> What are some fun things to do?
> Don't know, the more "fun" you have the more you crave physical intimacy, its like a carrot on a stick, you want it but you won't get it.*













I agree with the notion that being long distance is a transient phase. However, that doesn't mean it can't work. The harsh reality is that for a lot of people, they need to constantly have someone in their face 24/7. And if you're one of those, there is nothing wrong with that.



BlackDog said:


> I understand why people think you're being negative, but honestly I appreciate this perspective. I don't think your assessment of the situation is unrealistic at all and it makes me feel like less of a downer that I just can't deal with long distance. It's not a suitable long term arrangement at all, in my opinion.
> 
> Obviously others will disagree and there's something to be said for being positive, but sometimes reality just isn't very rosy. Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there.


I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to assume that people who have reaped the benefits of being in an LDR have a rosy view of it. Even for the people who stick it out, being long distance can be hell and really hard, even if it seems like they are being absurdly optimistic about it. Again LDRs are not for everyone, and that's okay. I just think it's ridiculous for people to come into this thread with their salt about their LDRs not working out. If people have no useful advice on dealing with the hardships of being long distance, I really don't think their presence in this thread is productive. I'm sure most people who don't believe in LDRs after experience or because they know themselves are quite aware of this fact. 



EyesOpen said:


> I think, for me, it was the definitive blanket statements. "LDR DOES NOT WORK" and other phrases. That's simply untrue as proven by many many people in the world who are together after LD, etc. I think there are points in there to consider, yes, but it was the tone and generalizations that irked me. Additionally, I think most people in an LDR kind of realize the difficulties and potential pitfalls involved already but maybe I'm just putting too much stock in people's insights and awareness. On top of that, regular in-person relationships also have difficulties and downfalls. We don't really need a general post in the S&R forum about how relationships can potentially be terrible as a whole either. So *shrugs*
> 
> Not to keep dragging this on.. lol


^this.



perpetuallyreticent said:


> I agree with @*BlackDog* on this being very realistic. Yeah, it's negative, but reality isn't black and white. It's a mix of both.
> 
> I fully agree that LDR is not a long term arrangement, or at least not meant to be. I've talked with my bf, whom of which I'm in a LDR with and we've discussed how long we can realistically continue this as LDR before it becomes unbearable. I can handle longer, but he gave me a time frame of 2-3 years before he'd consider it entirely pointless. Although there is some unforeseeable perspective here we can't channel because we aren't living 1 or 2 years into the future to see how fast things are progressing. But I considered that time frame completely reasonable.
> 
> LDR is definitely not meant to stay LDR, and it's painful if there is no end game. We've only known eachother for 4 months, been officially dating for a little over a month now. And we've already covered those bases, because otherwise it's a waste of our time.
> 
> On a lighter note, I'm going to fly to see him on the 17th of this month. 15 days now. I'm so excited. Although I know it's going to pass too quickly.


Most people seem to be aware of LDR not being a long term arrangement, and I don't think you would be doing it if you didn't see a future living together or if you want it short term you just have a place to travel I guess. It's important to have these conversations about the future for that reason. 

Anyway, I am going to see my partner again later in the week. Should be fun!


----------



## BlackDog

Helios said:


> I agree with the notion that being long distance is a transient phase. However, that doesn't mean it can't work. The harsh reality is that for a lot of people, they need to constantly have someone in their face 24/7. And if you're one of those, there is nothing wrong with that.
> 
> I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to assume that people who have reaped the benefits of being in an LDR have a rosy view of it. Even for the people who stick it out, being long distance can be hell and really hard, even if it seems like they are being absurdly optimistic about it. Again LDRs are not for everyone, and that's okay. I just think it's ridiculous for people to come into this thread with their salt about their LDRs not working out. If people have no useful advice on dealing with the hardships of being long distance, I really don't think their presence in this thread is productive. I'm sure most people who don't believe in LDRs after experience or because they know themselves are quite aware of this fact.
> 
> 
> 
> ^this.
> 
> 
> 
> Most people seem to be aware of LDR not being a long term arrangement, and I don't think you would be doing it if you didn't see a future living together or if you want it short term you just have a place to travel I guess. It's important to have these conversations about the future for that reason.
> 
> Anyway, I am going to see my partner again later in the week. Should be fun!


People seem to have taken a lot of offense at his comments, but that's not really my concern. This is a support thread. The post I quoted was the only one that actually made me feel any better about my outlook on long distance relationships so I wanted to acknowledge that. Sometimes what you need isn't more optimism, but a validation of how you really feel - even if that's shitty. Acknowledging negative emotions is still productive. 

If that upsets you then you can just disregard our comments on the matter and move on with your life. Nobody is stopping you from being as happy or optimistic as you please.


----------



## mangodelic psycho

Where's the sexual frustrated thread? @ethylene 's avatar makes me seriously hot. serious.


----------



## ethylene

mangodelic psycho said:


> Where's the sexual frustrated thread? @ethylene 's avatar makes me seriously hot. serious.


Your place, or mine?
*hubba hubba*


----------



## Helios

BlackDog said:


> People seem to have taken a lot of offense at his comments, but that's not really my concern. This is a support thread. The post I quoted was the only one that actually made me feel any better about my outlook on long distance relationships so I wanted to acknowledge that. Sometimes what you need isn't more optimism, but a validation of how you really feel - even if that's shitty. Acknowledging negative emotions is still productive.
> 
> If that upsets you then you can just disregard our comments on the matter and move on with your life. Nobody is stopping you from being as happy or optimistic as you please.



I'm all for handling negative realities and know what it is like to have an LDR fail pretty badly. However there is a productive way to do that, and in my opinion, the way he went about it was very unproductive in that it did not do anything to explain the realities of being faced with an LDR that didn't work/or the painful realization that he is not cut out for LDRs. I'm not upset, just being highly critical of people who don't know how to speak for their own experiences and project their negative bullshit onto other people. There is room to grieve for failed LDRs and to discuss the downsides to them, but when you outright deny the reality for a lot of people here (that LDRs are REAL, meaningful relationships for those who definitely have experienced that) to validate yourself in the face of some issues you need to confront within yourself, no one gets anything out of it.


----------



## BlackDog

Helios said:


> I'm all for handling negative realities and know what it is like to have an LDR fail pretty badly. However there is a productive way to do that, and in my opinion, the way he went about it was very unproductive in that it did not do anything to explain the realities of being faced with an LDR that didn't work/or the painful realization that he is not cut out for LDRs. I'm not upset, just being highly critical of people who don't know how to speak for their own experiences and project their negative bullshit onto other people. There is room to grieve for failed LDRs and to discuss the downsides to them, but when you outright deny the reality for a lot of people here (that LDRs are REAL, meaningful relationships for those who definitely have experienced that) to validate yourself in the face of some issues you need to confront within yourself, no one gets anything out of it.


I think it's time to let this go.


----------



## Helios

Desthro said:


> Exciting news!
> 
> So @*kaleidoscope* and I were on our way to a very cool place where I live, and we got stranded on a snowy road in a wilderness area with no cell coverage. I started to get a little freaked out, (code word for OMFG in the cold, stranded, no cell signal, life potentially in danger . .) But Kalei helped keep me calm so we could try to escape. We tried, in the dark, to dig out my vehicle and lay branches under the tires so we could get some traction and hopefully get out without having to hike three kilometers on a dark, snowy, rarely-if-ever traveled road. Unfortunately, we didn't have what we needed to get out, so we had to hike a kilometer or so until we got a cellular signal. It was out there, in the dark, the wilderness, alone, where we really stuck together and kept it going. We called for help, and they were on the way, but we had to hike another couple of kilometers to get to a place where we could get picked up. This night was pretty hard on us, and I had planned to ask Kalei for her hand that same evening. . . so while we were waiting for extraction, I decided to ask her, only. . . when I reached into my pocket, the ring we had settled on and purchased together had fallen out in the snow when digging, or on the road when we slipped. Kalei thought I was joking when I told her it was gone, at first, but I asked her anyway and she said yes.
> 
> The next day we called in a few favors, I purchased some tire chains, and brought a shovel and we hiked back to the vehicle and spent the next four hours digging out the vehicle. We eventually were able to dig the vehicle out, get the chains on the tires, and get ourselves out. Not what she or I expected for her trip out here, but we did it. And I couldn't have done it without her. She helped keep me focused on the task at hand.
> 
> I couldn't have asked for a more amazing partner
> 
> Replacement material object is en route.


I had to go back and read some of your older posts in the thread to really appreciate this wholesome content! Congrats to you and @kaleidoscope.


----------



## Alles_Paletti

Wow, congrats @kaleidoscope and @Desthro

What a wonderful story too :blushed:


----------



## Alles_Paletti

ENTJudgement said:


> *Have you been in one?
> 
> **Yes, I've been in a few and it was the worst idea I've ever come up with.**
> 
> What works, what doesn't?
> LDR itself DOES NOT WORK, people need to understand that a LDR is a temporary arrangement aka a waiting game for when you ACTUALLY get to be together. Without a CLEAR and DEFINED goal + timeline, its basically escaping reality and defeats the entire philosophy of a relationship where you are NOT together.
> 
> Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
> As soon as you are both in different countries, it is "too much distance" because its a frustrating task to sort out immigration and uproot your entire life to live in some strange country leaving everyone else behind.
> 
> 
> Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
> Both suck, when on video, it makes you think you're building a connection and pulls at your heart strings only to realize after the call how far you really are from the other person, its like sugar, get a sugar rush then completely deplete after the insulin spike.
> 
> What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
> Physical separation. The best part is there are no good parts unless you wanted to be alone 99.9% of the time and use the Skype sessions to fill that 0.1% void & of course, no touching.
> 
> 
> How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
> They tell me I'm retarded, at first I defended my case but looking back, I was retarded and should of listened to what people said.
> 
> 
> 
> What are some fun things to do?
> Don't know, the more "fun" you have the more you crave physical intimacy, its like a carrot on a stick, you want it but you won't get it.*


I can sympathize that a LDR isn't as much fun as just being close together, but it's still a worthwhile experience.

I agree that the eventual goal of a LDR is to be together in the same place, even if you don't have a clear timeline yet. But isn't it _always _important for a relation to have perspective of where it's going, and to progress? Even in a close distance relationship, if you get stuck in a certain phase and never move on it can be killing for the relation.

I've been in a LDR for 3,5 years now (with several moments per year of being together though) and the physical separation is hard. But it's also a way to remove the physical attraction from the equation. Can you appreciate someone just by interacting with them, or is there only a physical attraction? It's a good test for eventually being together in my view. 

And also, the moments that you _are_ together are so intense and fun and focused. Like you soak up every moment you can be with them. You really appreciate being physically together in a way, where for people who haven't been in a LDR it is something normal. 

The other thing is, because I agree that eventually you'd want to be together, it makes that you have to think what you want as a couple. 

And it has been a frustrating process to sort out immigration and uprooting her life is hard, but after 1,5 years of dealing with that she's signed her new job contract and will be moving here in 3-5 weeks. If you're determined, it's possible.


----------



## Pifanjr

Alles_Paletti said:


> And it has been a frustrating process to sort out immigration and uprooting her life is hard, but after 1,5 years of dealing with that she's signed her new job contract and will be moving here in 3-5 weeks. If you're determined, it's possible.


Congratulations!


----------



## perpetuallyreticent

Flying on a plane for the first time on the 17th of this month to go see my guy. Nervous, but excited. 3 days will pass in the blink of an eye.


----------



## perpetuallyreticent

<3


----------



## Hiraeth

Sometimes I fear so much. I get these bad feelings, what if we'll never manage to be together? All these absurd or extreme scenarios start playing in my mind. All of a sudden everything is bleak, we're doomed. I feel so desperate when it happens, I can not think of a life without him. At least if we were living on the same continent.


----------



## UndergroundMan

The title of this thread is very telling as to the probability of success associated with long distance relationships.


----------



## a peach

Hello hello! ♥
I'm very surprised I haven't posted in here yet;; Especially considering that PerC is what brought me and my love together! _(It's a little silly, but love happens when you least expect it~)_ I hope that my experience can help others who are feeling insecure or worried about their own long-distance relationships, and if anyone has any questions or anything they'd like to add, please feel free to do so!

*What works, what doesn't?*More than anything, it's communication that keeps the relationship alive! Talk to your partner about what goals they have in mind for the relationship, don't jump into it just as a "fling" or expecting things to flow together easily. It takes lots of planning and having a vision in mind of where you want the two of you to end up—make sure the two of you are very serious in that you want to be as close as possible and can see yourselves living together for a long, long time. It's a big commitment to get involved in a LDR, and should not be taken lightly.

Share hobbies and interests with one another, find ways to connect in any way possible! The world is so wonderful in that it really does offer so much for people to do, and doing them together just equals total happiness. Some things to look into would be playing video games, playing virtual chess, sending letters and packages of cute things we found, reading books together and talking about them after certain points before continuing, watching movies together by calling up on the phone and counting down when to press play on the DVD player, taking pictures of our surroundings and sending them over through text to have the other person imagine what it would be like to be at the same place at the same time with us, drawing together, ordering food for each other, and LOTS and LOTS of talking! 
Depending on your comfort, keeping romantic interest alive using sexual images and roleplay helps quite a bit too. :blushed:​
*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*This depends on the person. Personally, I wouldn't wish to pursue a relationship with someone whom is outside my country. However, my cousin met his wife of eight years while on a trip to Europe and they happily went along with a LDR once he came back to the states, and were separated for a few years before she ended up moving over and tying the knot. If you are patient and truly love that person, then I don't think distance should be a problem!​
*How often did/do you see your partner?*In our three years apart, we met each other three times. Once when he came to visit me for our one-year anniversary. He and his father came down to visit my family and it was simply lovely, though I was very much in shock that he was truly real! It was a very shy and innocent experience, I was hardly able to look into his eyes and hold his hand, I was so elated but in total disbelief the entire time;;

The second time we met, his family invited me to visit them for their summer vacation in Florida at a resort for a week. (One year after the first time we met.) It was a much more comfortable experience, and a very happy one! We even got to share a room and spent the whole week glued to the hip, I'm forever thankful that his parents helped us out or else we might not even have a relationship right now, I'm very serious. We both feel like this second trip saved it.

Third time we met was the late winter of the next year, I made a surprise trip to see my boyfriend with his birthday and he was absolutely thrilled! We stayed at a fancy hotel and spent the snowy weekend doing lots of cuddling and honeymooning, so to speak.​
*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*Is snail mail when you send letters through the mail? We did that twice—I'm very romantic and love handwriting, so I randomly one day sent him a very long message of all my feelings for him and ended it with a watercolor image of my hand print, beautiful pinks and blues and purples, to show him how big my hand was. He was so delighted, he said he loved curling his fingers over my very small ones so they could fit and felt like touching.

We would skype once in a blue moon. It ate at his Internet data like crazy to ever watch videos, which is what we used to help us communicate half the time. It was a very rare treat, but lots of fun whenever we did. If we had the opportunity to have done them more often, we most definitely would have—I highly encourage people in LDR to skype when they get the chance, it's such a wonderful thing to see all the expressions of your love in real-time!​
*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*The distance definitely is one of the most difficult things to put up with when in a LDR—especially in the teenage years when your hormones are just going crazy! Having to miss out on the physical intimacy can be tough, even the littlest of things, like just wanting to be held when you are feeling blue.

Thankfully though, calling on the phone and just being there for that person in anyway does help, don't get me wrong! I'm always very thankful for it whenever I told my love I was saddened and he'd immediately call me to comfort as he'd listen to me sob and curl up on my bed. I'm happy it was mutual and important for the both of us to be together and to become as close as we possibly can no matter how upsetting it could feel at times to realize we could never physically reach out and hold each other or wipe their tears away.

The best part has to be how close it brings the two of you together. I believe it can make the bond between the two so much stronger than a couple who has never had to deal with it. It tests your relationship, your faith and love towards one another. It makes you question how much it's worth to you, if it's worth going through so much distance and what feels like isolation at times, it can eat away at you if you let it. The two of you are forever working together to keep the love and happiness alive because you both believe that the other is worth being with no matter what the obstacle may be. To me, it's a real test of love and once you get out of it, you'll be closer than anyone you know.​
*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*Either it wasn't taken seriously or it was met with lots of praise and support. I really appreciate all of the friends and family members who believed in me that it could work out and that I was doing the right thing in following my heart. I also love it when I reveal to the skeptics how we are finally living together—almost one year this upcoming May!​


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

music box said:


> Hello hello! ♥
> I'm very surprised I haven't posted in here yet;; Especially considering that PerC is what brought me and my love together! _(It's a little silly, but love happens when you least expect it~)_ I hope that my experience can help others who are feeling insecure or worried about their own long-distance relationships, and if anyone has any questions or anything they'd like to add, please feel free to do so!


Your story sounds so cute! Thanks for sharing. So what was your main mode(s) of communication if you couldn't skype often? :O Others can also share their favorite methods of communication!

For us, it was:

1) Skype - We'd usually Skype daily for some period of time. There were only a few times where we couldn't Skype, and one where we couldn't communicate at all for 10 days. That was brutal. I nearly cried when I got to talk to him on instant messaging again! Also, we still skyped for a period of time even when the picture quality was so low that we just looked like pixelly blobs to each other. But it was still worth it. Just teaches me to never take things for granted!

2) MSN Messenger - We used this in the early stages of our relationship and would transition the conversation to Skype when we could. 

3) In-game chats - Sometimes we would play simple games together like Scrabble online and use that interface to chat as well.

4) Phone calls - Occasionally my bf called me and that was nice since the sound quality was usually better than Skype.

5) Texts - My cell phone was not capable of sending international texts, but eventually I was able to buy Skype credit which could allow me to text him from my computer. They were still like 13-25 cents each, but it was worth it to send/receive a few texts when we weren't able to communicate through other means.

6) Packages - I sent a few care packages to him filled with goodies and things he needed or wanted.

We also were very aware of each others' schedules and knew when to expect each other on Skype or Messenger. That helped a lot to foster trust in our relationship, and I would always get to excited to see him come online!


----------



## a peach

@MBTI Enthusiast Aaw thanks so much! ♥ If I may ask, what happened that the two of you weren't able to talk to one another for _ten_ days? Ah gosh, I only went one day without talking to my love in the entirety of our relationship just because I was too shy to initiate contact and it devastated me, I spent the whole day worrying and crying;; I can't imagine what it would be like to go for much longer than that, and I'm awfully sorry it happened! *hugs*

My boyfriend and I would call on the phone almost every night and fall asleep like that. This got us into a lot of trouble with both of our parents, the minutes bill for both our cell phones and home phones went through the roof! Still, we weren't completely punished for it. I'm very happy they were understanding that we liked each other so much and just wanted to stay in constant contact, but sometimes we just had to be careful with how early and for how long we'd be on the phone, but limits like that really do help you to appreciate it when you do get to spend time like that together!

We also were into in-game chats whenever we played app versions of chess.

And more than anything, we would use Facebook Messenger and our texting app on our phones. We would switch from using one to the either every few months or so, but they're the real backbone to our relationship in helping to keep the love alive! :tongues:


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

If your phone connects to wi-fi, WhatsApp is a wonderful thing. roud:


----------



## Pifanjr

@daleks_exterminate and I mostly used Hangouts, with occasionally Whatsapp or Skype. She blew through so much of her data voice calling with me while driving :laughing:

Whenever we could, we would voice call or video call. However, the internet connection wasn't always very stable and we both got very frustrated on numerous occasions when the technology would refuse to let us talk to each other. When it did work however, we would often talk until one of us fell asleep.
If we weren't able to voice call, which was still fairly often, we would message each other through text. We'd send each other interesting articles or videos or just talk about whatever was happening in our lives or asking eachother questions about anything we could think of. Although it was usually Daleks who kept coming up with the weirdest questions.

We also occasionally send each other gifts, mostly by ordering from a store near the other, since we were in a transatlantic relationship. However, one valentine I send her a bunch of hand-drawn cards with punny valentine lines from our shared interests.


----------



## Cast

I was wondering... when people know you're in a LDR, do they ask you how can you trust your partner not to cheat on you?
Me and my boyfriend always get a lot of these comments - and even more when we lived even further apart - and it always made me uncomfortable. Like couples should be watching over each other 24/7 to ensure they keep faithful.


----------



## GoodOldDreamer

No, but any time things get the least bit stressful, I get jokes like "well just tell me first if you run away to Argentina!" :tongue:


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Cast said:


> I was wondering... when people know you're in a LDR, do they ask you how can you trust your partner not to cheat on you?
> Me and my boyfriend always get a lot of these comments - and even more when we lived even further apart - and it always made me uncomfortable. Like couples should be watching over each other 24/7 to ensure they keep faithful.


Yeah. It's weird. My sister legit asked me how I knew for sure that he wasn't married with kids. XD


----------



## Cast

daleks_exterminate said:


> Yeah. It's weird. My sister legit asked me how I knew for sure that he wasn't married with kids. XD


LOL!
We met in person before starting our relationship, despite being really interested in each other. It was kind of an awkard first date and I spent half of it eager/terrified thay he would finally kiss me 
I don't think I could be with someone I have never met irl. It wouldn't... feel that real to me. And what if he had bad breath and I found out after months of ldr?


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Cast said:


> LOL!
> We met in person before starting our relationship, despite being really interested in each other. It was kind of an awkard first date and I spent half of it eager/terrified thay he would finally kiss me
> I don't think I could be with someone I have never met irl. It wouldn't... feel that real to me. And what if he had bad breath and I found out after months of ldr?


I did. Turned out alright for us


----------



## Cast

daleks_exterminate said:


> I did. Turned out alright for us


I'm all bubbly and romantically sighing now <3 <3


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Cast said:


> I was wondering... when people know you're in a LDR, do they ask you how can you trust your partner not to cheat on you?
> Me and my boyfriend always get a lot of these comments - and even more when we lived even further apart - and it always made me uncomfortable. Like couples should be watching over each other 24/7 to ensure they keep faithful.


I don't know and I have to live with that.

It's been a month since I moved to the Czech Republic and I pretty much see my boyfriend every week. Of course, this is about to end since I work weekends, however, I can see him three days in a row about twice or three times a week. I don't even know if I can call this an LDR anymore. We are 2.15h away from each other by train.


----------



## Cast

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> I don't know and I have to live with that.
> 
> It's been a month since I moved to the Czech Republic and I pretty much see my boyfriend every week. Of course, this is about to end since I work weekends, however, I can see him three days in a row about twice or three times a week. I don't even know if I can call this an LDR anymore. We are 2.15h away from each other by train.


Yep, I'm not sure either! We're now really close, in 1.5hours we can see each other when we're at uni. We can see each other every other weekend so it doesn't that feel long-distance to me anymore. We're just less-close than most couples.
Deep down, I'm still terrified we might go months without seeing each other. I don't know if I could endure that, after being so close.


----------



## Pifanjr

Cast said:


> I was wondering... when people know you're in a LDR, do they ask you how can you trust your partner not to cheat on you?
> Me and my boyfriend always get a lot of these comments - and even more when we lived even further apart - and it always made me uncomfortable. Like couples should be watching over each other 24/7 to ensure they keep faithful.


I've got some questions about how I was sure I wasn't being catfished, but I think those were either jokes or people who have a bias against LDRs because of the bad stories they've read/heard about it. The latter were reassured after some explaining of how a healthy LDR works.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Pifanjr said:


> I've got some questions about how I was sure I wasn't being catfished, but I think those were either jokes or people who have a bias against LDRs because of the bad stories they've read/heard about it. The latter were reassured after some explaining of how a healthy LDR works.


I totally did catfish you. I'm a 39 yr old bald really Harry Russian man named Vlad. You just somehow haven't noticed yet.


----------



## Aya the Abysswalker

Cast said:


> Yep, I'm not sure either! We're now really close, in 1.5hours we can see each other when we're at uni. We can see each other every other weekend so it doesn't that feel long-distance to me anymore. We're just less-close than most couples.
> Deep down, I'm still terrified we might go months without seeing each other. I don't know if I could endure that, after being so close.


I used to only be able to see my boyfriend twice a year. It is a huge improvement and it is a huge improvement on my mental health too.


----------



## kaleidoscope

@Desthro and I being gross <3


----------



## ethylene

kaleidoscope said:


> @Desthro and I being gross <3
> 
> View attachment 657722
> 
> View attachment 657714


You silly spaghettis. ^_^


----------



## piano

kaleidoscope said:


> @Desthro and I being gross <3
> 
> View attachment 657722
> 
> View attachment 657714


y'all are disgustingly cute


----------



## Desthro

@kaleidoscope is the love of my life.

Nobody can replace her. 

Nothing will keep me from her.


And with that, I leave you a poem:

Blessings in Disguise- By Desthro

Troubles and trials,
Tribulations and travails,
All, arduous and vexing,

Experience of import,
Ability to master,
Challenges to overcome,

Earned resilience,
Confidence made,
Happiness reached.


----------



## perpetuallyreticent

UndergroundMan said:


> The title of this thread is very telling as to the probability of success associated with long distance relationships.


not necessarily correlated whatsoever. "support" would just imply that LDR is harder than non-LDR. this doesn't imply a probability of success or lack there of.


----------



## Desthro

perpetuallyreticent said:


> not necessarily correlated whatsoever. "support" would just imply that LDR is harder than non-LDR. this doesn't imply a probability of success or lack there of.


I would go a step farther and say that there are numerous studies that show that LDRs are just as likely to fail as local relationships. LDRs have unique social stigmas that are associated with them, and they have their own challenges that are different from local relationships; however, they aren't any more or less likely to fail. Because people view them so negatively, it's hard to find people who understand and can help support you, unlike with a local relationship.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Alles_Paletti said:


> @*kaleidoscope* @*Desthro*
> 
> After 3,5 years of long distance relationship between continents and living from visit to visit, I'm happy to say that I no longer am in one as my wife is now an official Dutchie since last Friday
> 
> It's certainly possible, and you can make it work too.
> 
> 
> * *


OMG you two are so cute together! Congrats.


----------



## Trixanne

@Pifanjr Thanks, I had heard of a lottery but didn't know the website or the official name for that. Now I just have to keep tabs on when it's open.

Is the $500 for the diversity visa? That's not too much trouble considering... I can save that up and the money for a plane ticket before the end of the year. I don't mind temporary visas like a student one, but I've been currently visiting him on esta and that's hard, especially when I can't work. Need some form of income to keep myself afloat if I am overseas.


----------



## Pifanjr

Trixanne said:


> @Pifanjr Thanks, I had heard of a lottery but didn't know the website or the official name for that. Now I just have to keep tabs on when it's open.
> 
> Is the $500 for the diversity visa? That's not too much trouble considering... I can save that up and the money for a plane ticket before the end of the year. I don't mind temporary visas like a student one, but I've been currently visiting him on esta and that's hard, especially when I can't work. Need some form of income to keep myself afloat if I am overseas.


Applying to the diversity lottery is free, you only need to pay if you win (and decide to take it). It will take about a year before you know whether you won and you only have about 8% chance to win (although maybe more, assuming less people want to go to the US now...)


----------



## kaleidoscope

daleks_exterminate said:


> Hey,
> 
> I think it gets harder each time. Also for me, it was alright when we were dating, but somehow became so much more difficult after we were engaged. I personally gave up on the program I was doing to move. I still want to finish school and am planning to go back, but that isn't as easy as if I would have just finished before moving. Is it possible for @*Desthro* to move while you finish your phd? No one can decide what to do for both of you except you two, obviously, BUT you're strong and you love each other and it may be difficult, but you can make it 3 more years LDR if you need to.
> 
> I should have finished reading before responding.  You have this. 3 years isn't eternity. I personally felt like I couldn't have made it. Looking back, I probably could have but it would have been very hard. It may not get easier, but it will be worth it. Think about how much you love him and how much you mean to each other when it feels overwhelming. You've made it through a lot of obstacles so far. You could write letters during this period also. I wish you both luck and happiness. If you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to.


Thanks Daleks  That means a lot, I appreciate the message. It's still hard, but I'm struggling in a different way now. I think I'm dealing with a lot of 'leftover guilt' after making this huge decision. I feel like I'm the reason we are apart, and making that choice damaged us in some ways. We had a plan, a solid plan, and now it's been delayed for more distance. @Desthro did mention that looking back, maybe it's for the best, but I still feel responsible and sad. What's worse, I was planning on spending an additional month with Desthro in July-August before school started, but I will be visiting my family abroad for two weeks of that time, and that's two weeks I could be spending with him instead. 

I'm so tired of having to make decisions like this, that this burden falls on me. Decisions that mean we spend less time together, that make things harder. I hate that I even have to. I feel like I am constantly letting him down. I honestly would've expected anyone to be done with this at this point lol.


----------



## septic tank

Today is mine and @*InsanityRemix* 's one year anniversary. We have 2 more years at most before we can live together.

I get to see my honeyboo again this winter. o///o


----------



## septic tank

He and I have been "sleeping together" using skype on our computers. I've been able to keep it a secret this entire time but my mom burst into my bedroom this morning. :shocked: 

Buuuuuut she thought it was cute. o-o She's a hardcore romantic, confirmed. And I am thankful.


----------



## Wellsy

Me and @herinb


* *


----------



## Desthro

Now that I am actually kind sorta back here LoL


kaleidoscope said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks Daleks  That means a lot, I appreciate the message. It's still hard, but I'm struggling in a different way now. I think I'm dealing with a lot of 'leftover guilt' after making this huge decision. I feel like I'm the reason we are apart, and making that choice damaged us in some ways. We had a plan, a solid plan, and now it's been delayed for more distance. @Desthro did mention that looking back, maybe it's for the best, but I still feel responsible and sad. What's worse, I was planning on spending an additional month with Desthro in July-August before school started, but I will be visiting my family abroad for two weeks of that time, and that's two weeks I could be spending with him instead.
> 
> I'm so tired of having to make decisions like this, that this burden falls on me. Decisions that mean we spend less time together, that make things harder. I hate that I even have to. I feel like I am constantly letting him down. I honestly would've expected anyone to be done with this at this point lol.


 @daleks_exterminate I know you posted this over a month ago, but w/e. It's deserved. Thanks for being there for @kaleidoscope , it was a pretty rough summer for us, getting over some of the latent issues from the "decision." We still both hate that life is incredibly unfair, and as time passes I think that it'll get easier and easier (probably total fantasy, who am I kidding). 

There's a lot on our plates that's kind of personal about our lives, things I don't know if @kaleidoscope is comfortable with discussing here (I try to be good about it, but it's kinda hard cause it drives me crazy. <3 U Kalei!  LoL) and regarding moving to be with her, I would do it in a heartbeat if it didn't mean that I would be abandoning my two young children (8 and 5). Between that, and her basically putting her well-being at complete risk (she'd have to get married to me AND it would have to work out, or it's back to hell for her), we were kind of stuck with a really shitty decision, and just had to plate it up and stuff it down. (Digestion is a bitch eh?) 

I don't like it, she doesn't like it, and the whole experience nearly destroyed us. There were some times in the last couple of months where I didn't think we were going to make it. I know @kaleidoscope felt that way too sometimes, and I remember when she said that she didn't think we were going to be able to pull through. But we figured it out (over a 9 hour time difference via texting on effing whatsapp x.x) together. I don't think anyone else would have tried like she did.

But we did.

And the last week, things were almost back to normal, like they were before everything happened and we pushed each other away with our avoidant attachment strategies and nearly sabotaged we had. Things were good. Like REALLY good. And I can't imagine having gotten back to where we were with anyone else. 

As a funny aside, what do you think life is like with two ADHD people living together?


----------



## bekette24

daleks_exterminate said:


> OMG you two are so cute together! Congrats.


Cuties!!!


----------



## bekette24

All of my relationships have been LDR's. ALL. OF. THEM.

Last year I was sooo done. I vowed I would never, ever do it again. Then i met my current bf. lolol. Long distance again. 

I've done years and years of it. It's so emotionally draining. 

Luckily we've finally closed the distance!!!!! I can actually drive 10 minutes from my work to get to his. He's works 5 minutes from my house. omg. I'm in heaven!!! 

The difference has been in the effort he's put in. In the past, my effort always exceded the guys. But this time, we were both so serious about it. 

<3 <3 <3 

I understand the toll it takes. The pining for them. The excitement leading up to seeing them. The sad goodbyes. The countdowns. 
Constant communication but not able to cuddle. 

Ugh. 

Hang in there guys!!!


----------



## EyesOpen

I just keep opening up this paperwork that I need to get going to register with the UK's health professions council so I can start looking for work for a work visa so I can be in the UK with the SO. And it's so overwhelming. And that snowballs into moving to a different country is overwhelming. Like, how am I going to get around? And how do I get a bank account? (yes, all logistical concerns lol) And I'm a 9. So that means when I get overwhelmed about it I just want to get into bed under the covers and not think about it and the world doesn't exist  

But I want to be there so badly. It's hard to be apart as we get closer as a couple. :/

So, baby steps. Maybe I'll fill out a page tonight before bed. 

eeeeep.


----------



## Pifanjr

EyesOpen said:


> I just keep opening up this paperwork that I need to get going to register with the UK's health professions council so I can start looking for work for a work visa so I can be in the UK with the SO. And it's so overwhelming. And that snowballs into moving to a different country is overwhelming. Like, how am I going to get around? And how do I get a bank account? (yes, all logistical concerns lol) And I'm a 9. So that means when I get overwhelmed about it I just want to get into bed under the covers and not think about it and the world doesn't exist
> 
> But I want to be there so badly. It's hard to be apart as we get closer as a couple. :/
> 
> So, baby steps. Maybe I'll fill out a page tonight before bed.
> 
> eeeeep.


Have you considered asking for help? It's usually a lot easier to do things like this together with another person, even if that other person doesn't know more about it than you.


----------



## EyesOpen

Pifanjr said:


> Have you considered asking for help? It's usually a lot easier to do things like this together with another person, even if that other person doesn't know more about it than you.



Well the paperwork I need to get done initially here is really something I have to fill out since it's specific to me and my experience and profession. All the future stuff I worry about, yeah I will have help with that.


----------



## Mibble

I am planning on seeing my girlfriend (she's 7 hours away) for New Years by airplane and I'm both happy and kinda nervous at the same time lol.

This is the third time I get to see her in person again and the family and her friends already apperently really likes me so I'm not worrried about that. I just hope I will have things to talk about and that I don't bore her. Or that I don't fuck up infront of her family and they don't like me or something. (I guess the family is a worry then)

Eh, just some dumb worries XD


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Nabbit said:


> He and I have been "sleeping together" using skype on our computers. I've been able to keep it a secret this entire time but my mom burst into my bedroom this morning. :shocked:
> 
> Buuuuuut she thought it was cute. o-o She's a hardcore romantic, confirmed. And I am thankful.


Yay! We did that before. It was so nice and relaxing, except for how my ears hurt from the earbuds when I woke up!


----------



## Sir Kanra

Long distance relationships(well, 8-9 times out of 10) are the only ones I have because no one interesting ever lives nearby compared to those at distance ... just my luck, eh.


----------



## BatFlapClap

There's a lot to unpack here. I might need to just let it out...
In the last six months: I lost my great grandmother after a hard couple months of saying goodbye (at least we had those), ended a relationship due to discovering harrowing truths about a partner, set out to pursue a Master's degree, am in the process of a move, aaaannnnnd I've been dating someone for four months whom from the get go was someone that I envisioned a future with in a big way (like 'Somewhere That's Green' big). And/But they live in a different city.

In a lot of ways, the distance has been good. I co-dependent hard, so the space allows me (? forces) me to live independently from my partner, and as someone whose life revolves around relationships, especially romantic ones, it has allowed me some freedom and mobility, though I skew towards feeling blue when I'm stewing away by my lonesome. (The internal screaming keens loudly! ... jk) I have a lot of love to give, just not often for myself.

I've never been in a LDR. I've pretty much been in relationships where each person was a leech, and we just sucked each other dry.

I feel weak, a bit insecure, like a weird love vampire that needs a hit of that co-dependent lovin' to restore vitality. It's all foreign to me, my partner takes it all in stride, which makes me even more insecure, like, "How did he become Dracula, and I'm Count Chocula"? (Okay, I need to end this weird blood love metaphor.)

The more I'm re-reading this, the more I realize that the space is *definitely* a good thing for me. I'll pour through these posts to see how a recovering co-dependent junkie can weather the LDR.

In the meantime, thanks for being the lighthouse I need, PerC.

If anyone has any other tips, advice, kind (KIND) words, I'd appreciate them, otherwise I'll just keep reading. 

Insecurity must be a theme in LDR, yes?

*I should clarify that I am feeling fulfilled within the relationship in a broad sense, it's just perhaps the perceived and real barriers of space that I am grappling with


----------



## septic tank

Sometimes, I mail him dirty shirts.


----------



## EyesOpen

Booking flights for my next visit always puts a little pep in my step. roud: Looking forward to December!


----------



## Hiraeth

November. :kitteh:


----------



## Hiraeth

I'm sorry, @Desthro.


----------



## Hiraeth

Only 10 days until @Miskatonic81 is here again. h:


----------



## voron

*Have you been in one? If so...*
Currently I'm in one, but I'm moving to the same city as them in few months.

*What works, what doesn't?*
Frequent and versatile communication works, voice calls are important

*
Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*
Idk, i feel like even 400 kilometers is too much

*How often did/do you see your partner?*
about every four/five weeks, but I guess we will meet more during summer

*
Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
skype
*
What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
Challenging for me is that theres little physical contact and affection when i'd need it, best part is that we are not too close at least and we can focus well on our own lives

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
it's nothing special, other people i know have been or are in ldr

*What are some fun things to do?*
definitely playing multiplayer video games together and sharing memes or so


----------



## Wellsy




----------



## stathamspeacoat

Would like to hear your stories about "closing the gap." Wondering how the conversation started, time from convo to actually moving, deciding who would move and why, etc. among other things. 

We're not quite ready for that yet but I could see it being a topic, even early stages, by the end of the year.


----------



## EyesOpen

stathamspeacoat said:


> Would like to hear your stories about "closing the gap." Wondering how the conversation started, time from convo to actually moving, deciding who would move and why, etc. among other things.
> 
> We're not quite ready for that yet but I could see it being a topic, even early stages, by the end of the year.


I'm in the beginning stages of the process. I've been approved by my profession to be licensed to work in the UK (I'm in the US). Trying a work visa route but we'll see how it goes, hoping that I'll be moved by summer but little idea on how work visa route will work out/timelines. Have known LD partner 3ish years, been a "thing" for a little over 2 years. Wouldn't mind PMing to answer questions/share. Just don't feel comfortable necessarily sharing thought process out in the open here


----------



## Pifanjr

stathamspeacoat said:


> Would like to hear your stories about "closing the gap." Wondering how the conversation started, time from convo to actually moving, deciding who would move and why, etc. among other things.
> 
> We're not quite ready for that yet but I could see it being a topic, even early stages, by the end of the year.


I'm not sure how the conversation started for us. I think we've both understood that we wanted to be together as soon as possible. At first we planned for me to move to the US, but after a lot of researching, that turned out to be too hard. So we decided that, if we couldn't be together in the US, she would move to the Netherlands instead. I think from that point it only took a few months to get married and another 6 months to move in together.

It helped that neither of us had our own place or a steady job at that moment.


----------



## Jagbas

stathamspeacoat said:


> Would like to hear your stories about "closing the gap." Wondering how the conversation started, time from convo to actually moving, deciding who would move and why, etc. among other things.


We discussed it when we were not even officially together yet. I don't remember exactly how it came out, but I mentioned how I wouldn't dislike living abroad/leaving my country. His country allows for a better lifestyle overall, so there was no doubt I would be the one moving.

I also told him that at my age, given our situation (long distance but not officially together - I also had just come out of a long relationship), I didn't have any time for bullshit and that if I decided to move somewhere, I would have done anything in my power to achieve it.
We have always been restless about closing the gap, but realists about what we needed for that to practically work.
We also work really well when we're far away so it was just a matter of time.

Fast forward 2 years (he was studying and I needed to save some money before moving), he bought a house and has a stable job, I have enough money to sustain myself for the first times.
We decided for this summer. So he's taken days off work. I checked everything I needed to do before leaving (passport, car documents, dog's stuff...), I planned the trip and all the details and quit my job.
Just waiting for THE DAY now!


P.s. I didn't even know this sub existed!


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

I’m not taking LDR well and I still have about 2 more months to go :bored:

Anytime he has to work overtime and we can’t call or text, I get lonely. One week he worked like 14 hours and it was just so tempting to seek attention from other ppl... ie flirting with others. I felt terrible and ended up telling him a few days ago and apologized. I wrote a program for him as a birthday gift and it’s been 2 weeks and he still hasn’t had time to look at it. Sometimes I set an alarm at 2 AM so I can call him when he’s on break (time difference between countries), and disturbed sleep combined with some other factors have weakened my immune system and now I’m sick. *sigh* LDR isn’t fun


----------



## EyesOpen

Usually the few weeks leading up to my next trip out to see him, I'm all antsy and sorta nervous (even though I've been like 4 times and everything is always great when I see him). This time, I am moving to a new apartment this Wednesday so all my antsy is focused on the move. Once moved, I'll only have a little under 2 weeks until I leave for UK visit - time which will likely be focused on getting my new place all unpacked, decorated, and arranged the way I want it. This is a more pleasant build up to my trip instead of being like "eeurughhhh I CAN'T WAIT TIL I'M THERE WITH YOU" feeling.  

But still \o/ *crazy kermit gif* 

It's also been fun being in a different-countries relationship. In our time together, he's moved around England a bit and recently moved again, so I've just been kind of all over random areas of England. Newest move = I'm excited to check out the Yorkshire area this time! (Previously have visited West Midlands/surrounding counties & Devon/surrounding counties, with day trips to London as well). Maybe this is a bit relationship-morbid, but I think even if we ended up not working out down the road for whatever reason, I will look back very fondly at my visits anyway. :tongue:


----------



## EyesOpen

AngelWithAShotgun said:


> I’m not taking LDR well and I still have about 2 more months to go :bored:
> 
> Anytime he has to work overtime and we can’t call or text, I get lonely. One week he worked like 14 hours and it was just so tempting to seek attention from other ppl... ie flirting with others. I felt terrible and ended up telling him a few days ago and apologized. I wrote a program for him as a birthday gift and it’s been 2 weeks and he still hasn’t had time to look at it. Sometimes I set an alarm at 2 AM so I can call him when he’s on break (time difference between countries), and disturbed sleep combined with some other factors have weakened my immune system and now I’m sick. *sigh* LDR isn’t fun


You cray!! lol But for real...sleep is important! I know talking to SO is a big thing but I don't sacrifice the sleep to chat, not worth it. I can always wait for weekends to have actual calls/video. Sorry you are sick  

2 months!! That's so close. I know it must feel long going through it but it will be here before you know it. Maybe pick up a new hobby to pass the time more quickly and get your focus off him when he's working so you don't feel lonely?


----------



## NipNip

Kafka's

*“You are the knife I turn inside myself; that is love. That, my dear, is love.” *

begins to make more and more sense.


----------



## angrymobfunrun

I miss him so much it hurts sometimes.


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

Guess what? We're engaged!!!  After meeting on Personality Cafe 7 years ago and beginning our relationship with 4.5 years of long distance, we now we get to spend every day together, forever. :kitteh: I love you @Out0fAmmo!


----------



## musixxal

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> Guess what? We're engaged!!!  After meeting on Personality Cafe 7 years ago and beginning our relationship with 4.5 years of long distance, we now we get to spend every day together, forever. :kitteh: I love you @Out0fAmmo!


congrats!


----------



## JennyJukes

ohhhhh
3 months since i last saw my boyfriend
looking at another 7-10 
gotta keep busy and productive sigh


----------



## Flow Ozzy

JennyJukes said:


> ohhhhh
> 3 months since i last saw my boyfriend
> looking at another 7-10
> gotta keep busy and productive sigh


That's tough ... I hope the 'spirits' help you through this period !


----------



## MBTI Enthusiast

JennyJukes said:


> ohhhhh
> 3 months since i last saw my boyfriend
> looking at another 7-10
> gotta keep busy and productive sigh


You've got this! I still can't believe we lasted 1.5 years between our first and second visits. Just take it day by day, and start planning the visit, it will come. (And yeah, distracting oneself can help, too.)


----------



## JennyJukes

MBTI Enthusiast said:


> You've got this! I still can't believe we lasted 1.5 years between our first and second visits. Just take it day by day, and start planning the visit, it will come. (And yeah, distracting oneself can help, too.)


We met on an MBTI discord. We would have probably never spoken but he had been planning to come here for University and a few of us were planning to meet so I thought we best get to know each other so it wasn't overly awkward! We got talking and clicked (even though he wasn't looking for anything). If he wasn't coming over here I don't think either of us would have let ourselves get feelings (or we would have kept it to ourselves - though I never can!), being 3700 miles away and him financially dependent on his family. Anyway, he had his deposit paid for accommodation, transfer application completed and was in the process of completing a visa when his parents decided it wasn't financially possible anymore. So now we were in the dilemma of whether we would actually meet anymore!

Fortunately there was an opening and we met in August when his parents were away. That obviously ruffled a few feathers when his mom found out (he had told her about us but she thought he was being stupid, meeting on the internet, being young, yaddy ya) and caused some arguments between them. I've been hoping he will put us in touch with one another as that might ease some tension and bring us closer together. I feel like it's worth a try from him but he's currently stressed with University so I won't push it.

We are both free in December but his family want him to go to India for Christmas and they don't want him seeing me until after his studies because they want him to focus on University (especially as he had some setbacks with it) then get a career before he has a relationship. They think I might be a distraction for him. I want him to do well and for his family to take us seriously so we're being patient. 

He has a group competition in the UK in June so we can hopefully meet then (if not December) but a lot is riding on his mom as he's financially dependent on his parents and she seems to make all the decisions. If not then it'll be September when he moves here for his masters (which they have agreed on). So basically we don't know when we will meet so it makes it difficult to count down to anything and we don't want to get our hopes up. I just imagine us meeting the last date possible to avoid disappointment and anything before then would be great! So 8 months before we met (from the date we "confessed" our feelings) and potentially 13 months in between our next visit.

We're both busy - he's finishing his University and I have a new house I'm doing up. New job that keeps me busy. Saving money so we can see each other. Doing whatever I can do to make sure we're in a position to be together in future. We both have faith it will work out and I think his mom just needs time.

To be fair the 8 months before we met went pretty quick and was great. But it's so much harder when you've now met lol. It really is a good thing we are both kept busy through the week. The hard part is he lives in a muslim country so he's 4 hours ahead and the weekends there are Friday and Saturday. I work Monday-Friday. Basically I get home from work and he's going to bed. Saturday is the only day we have free together but he has to go to bed early for University. It's a good thing he's a night owl! When we first started talking I didn't finish work until 10pm, so 2am his time, but he would still wait up (or set an alarm to wake up) so he could talk to me! He leaves at 6am for University, 2am my time, and we say bye every morning.


----------



## Hiraeth

Congratulations, @MBTI Enthusiast!  I've met my boyfriend here too, in December it's our third anniversary. Still long distance, halfway across the world, but I can't wait for us to get married and finally settle down.


----------



## Flow Ozzy

Hiraeth said:


> Congratulations, @MBTI Enthusiast!  I've met my boyfriend here too, in December it's our third anniversary. Still long distance, halfway across the world, but I can't wait for us to get married and finally settle down.


Miskatonic81 ... I miss his posts here, Best Wishes for the Marriage ! roud:


----------



## Hiraeth

Crotch Asphyxiation said:


> Miskatonic81 ... I miss his posts here, Best Wishes for the Marriage ! roud:


Aww, I'll let him know.  He lost his interest in PerC soon after we fell in love. ) Thank you so much!


----------



## Thrine

Wish i would fall in love with someone from PerC *kicks rock in a sad manner*


----------



## JennyJukes

scratch that, booked flights to see my boyfriend on the 16th roud::brocoli::brocoli::brocoli::brocoli::brocoli:


----------



## EyesOpen

JennyJukes said:


> scratch that, booked flights to see my boyfriend on the 16th roud::brocoli::brocoli::brocoli::brocoli::brocoli:


I leave the 26th to see mine..eeeeee!


----------



## JennyJukes

EyesOpen said:


> I leave the 26th to see mine..eeeeee!


i'm so excited but still so nervous!
we met once in August and i was never so nervous in my life but it was amazing! i didn't feel nervous at all once we'd been together for an hour or so but thinking about it again i think i'm gonna be as nervous as i was the first time
thinking what if he doesn't like me this time and all this stupid stuff 
do the nerves ever stop?


----------



## EyesOpen

JennyJukes said:


> i'm so excited but still so nervous!
> we met once in August and i was never so nervous in my life but it was amazing! i didn't feel nervous at all once we'd been together for an hour or so but thinking about it again i think i'm gonna be as nervous as i was the first time
> thinking what if he doesn't like me this time and all this stupid stuff
> do the nerves ever stop?



This will be my 6th visit. I was kinda nervous the first one. The 2nd one I had the same thoughts like what if he forgot what I look like and he doesn't like me anymore (lol we cam every weekend basically..so silly). After that 2nd visit, I have not been nervous at all for visits. So..yes. It will or should


----------



## JennyJukes

Lol we cam every night. And the first visit we kinda pushed on all boundaries. So there's nothing I'm worried about him seeing and disliking as we've pretty much seen everything... but still! My stupid anxiety sigh. I'm excited though


----------



## JennyJukes

I just got home after our second time visiting each other.

The first time we met I had written in a diary for 4 months and gave him it once I left. He wrote in it when we were apart and he gave me it as I was leaving. I read it in the waiting room waiting to board my plane and cried the whole time. I cried again as the plane took off and I had to watch me leave the city the man I love is in. 
On the morning of my flight home (we had just spent a whole week together) I suddenly felt very sick. We had to take a taxi to the airport as it was really early and transport wasn't open. I had to have the window open during the journey as I felt so ill and we held hands the whole way there (even though it's frowned up there). As we were walking for me to check in I suddenly had a panic attack and had to go outside to threw up. He's an awkward INTP who usually finds it difficult to comfort other people but he held my hair and rubbed my back and told me it was going to be okay. We went back in and he got me some water and came with me to check in and put my suitcase on the conveyor belt for me. We sat near a toilet for a while before security where he just comforted me. We've only met twice and I'm sure most would be put off by a bumbling pukey mess but he was very sweet about it.

He said he felt extremely bad leaving me to fly home (7.5 hours) like that and I thought I wouldn't even make it home but I realised my sickness was because of the anxiety of not knowing when we will see each other again and wondering if it would be the last time. We're looking at 6 months if we're lucky or otherwise 9 months. There's always the chance he won't be able to move here in September too so there's so much uncertainty right now. That's why I was so anxious. Things would be easier if we had a date to look forward to but we don't.

Before, we were both very busy (him with University, me with a new job and moving) and I wasn't quite ready for a serious relationship anyway, so the waiting was fine but now I don't have anything to keep me busy. I have a few things lined up for January and possibly March but I want to save my money in case he can't come and I need to go visit him again when I can, so I don't want to do much. But waiting is the only thing we _can _do. I know I need a hobby but I also like to spend my free time talking to him .

I know I just need to continue getting through every day and keep working on our relationship until we see each other again. But man do I wish I knew when we would see each other again.


----------



## Gossip Goat

My boyfriend fell asleep during our video call, I'm currently fawning over his adorable lil snores. :heart: We had a 5 hour movie date, and I'm really glad I got to spend time with him. I mostly enjoyed our conversation during our call, when he was laying down trying to fall asleep. He's always so sweet and adorable when he's sleepy. I call him 'sleepy Joey', and I love him.


----------



## Gossip Goat

Cute conversations: 


* *






Boyfriend: What day is it today? 

Me: It’s saturday. 

Boyfriend: *shakes his finger* What DAY is it today?

Me: (very confused, maybe it’s the time zones) Friday.

Boyfriend: nooo

Me: It’s....saturday.

Boyfriend: (between giggles) What number? 

Me: OH! It’s 12. 

Boyfriend: thank you, mamita 

Me: : D <3


----------



## Gossip Goat

What did everyone do for Valentine's day gift wise? I thought I'd get my boyfriend a cute card, and I want to get him a cute gift but I don't know what. We'll probably spend time together that day but I'd still like to get him something.


----------



## JennyJukes

Heh, I was just thinking of Valentines Day too. We haven't given each other gifts because he studies and I haven't had success sending things from here to him. I was thinking I'll try send him a card using an online gift store from his local country and hope that works. Last year he wrote me something and sent it at midnight my time which was sweet. Does he play games? I think you can send gifts through Steam or buy games that way? Or if there's something he likes doing, trying to get a gift voucher or something for it?


----------



## EyesOpen

We do NOTHING and it is FABULOUS! \o/

all holidays feel like obligations to me

That’s probably not helpful advice, sorry


----------



## Gossip Goat

JennyJukes said:


> Heh, I was just thinking of Valentines Day too. We haven't given each other gifts because he studies and I haven't had success sending things from here to him. I was thinking I'll try send him a card using an online gift store from his local country and hope that works. Last year he wrote me something and sent it at midnight my time which was sweet. Does he play games? I think you can send gifts through Steam or buy games that way? Or if there's something he likes doing, trying to get a gift voucher or something for it?


I thought about that. He plays WoW and I thought about getting him a gift card, but he's also said he lowkey hates playing it / how much time it eats up so...I don't know. I'll definitely send him a regular card. I thought about sending him a cute monkey (maybe some naughty stuff) but as far as the more regular gift I'm kinda stuck. Maybe I'll look into the steam stuff.


----------



## Gossip Goat

EyesOpen said:


> We do NOTHING and it is FABULOUS! \o/
> 
> all holidays feel like obligations to me
> 
> That’s probably not helpful advice, sorry


Same tbh, but part of me still wants to do something n_n


----------



## Pifanjr

Gossip Goat said:


> What did everyone do for Valentine's day gift wise? I thought I'd get my boyfriend a cute card, and I want to get him a cute gift but I don't know what. We'll probably spend time together that day but I'd still like to get him something.


I think for Valentine's I send a card full of really bad pick-up lines/innuendo's based on different common interests of ours.

Example:


----------



## musixxal

i really want to send my man homemade cookies

but like

i can't even bake. can these things be posted? maybe i'm better off waiting for when he visits and just giving it to him to take home as a parting gift

edit: yeah, he'll eat my 1st attempt at baking cookies. lol


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Pifanjr said:


> I think for Valentine's I send a card full of really bad pick-up lines/innuendo's based on different common interests of ours.
> 
> Example:


You drew them and mailed them to me.  
They're in a box upstairs, somewhere. 
Which may seem like I don't appreciate them, BUT I DOOOOOO


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## EyesOpen

musixxal said:


> i really want to send my man homemade cookies
> 
> but like
> 
> i can't even bake. can these things be posted? maybe i'm better off waiting for when he visits and just giving it to him to take home as a parting gift
> 
> edit: yeah, he'll eat my 1st attempt at baking cookies. lol



My grandma and aunt send me Christmas cookies from across the country. They put them in ziploc bags and some bubble wrap in a box and send them through the regular mail service just fine!


----------



## Scoobyscoob

EyesOpen said:


> Well, considering my original response wasn’t even aimed toward you at all, I don’t know why you think I care what you think of LDR?? My original reply was to a completely other person’s post. I had zero intention in the realm of changing your opinion about anything..lol you inserted yourself there. So. Yep. *thumbup*


I happen to agree with said person, but I doubt said person would respond, so I'm giving you my opinion. I honestly don't care what you think. You're just another selfish person, trying to condescend a guy about how selfish you are. 

At any rate, I think I've sufficiently defended Antipode's position and I don't care about whatever response you write back and I'll probably just put you on my ignore list now.


----------



## EyesOpen

Lmao wtf. I feel like I just walked into the Twilight Zone. 

Alright, not dealing with whatever this is.


----------



## temptingthesea

Antipode said:


> Wait a second, @knife and @temptingthesea are you two dating? With your matching Shirou and Rin profiles? I can't haha.


And your pfp…is that Gilgamesh? xD

As for your #1, I do agree that it’s important to feel loved and make your partner feel the same way (especially with the distance), but I also think it’s equally important that anyone entering an LDR (or any kind of relationship, for that matter) already feels secure enough with him/herself and has a life outside the relationship that he/she also enjoys. Of course, it’s a different matter altogether if the other party just doesn’t really seem to care about the relationship as much as the other person does. :3 Both sides definitely have to be willing and ready to put in the necessary efforts to sustain the relationship.


----------



## Antipode

temptingthesea said:


> And your pfp…is that Gilgamesh? xD
> 
> As for your #1, I do agree that it’s important to feel loved and make your partner feel the same way (especially with the distance), but I also think it’s equally important that anyone entering an LDR (or any kind of relationship, for that matter) already feels secure enough with him/herself and has a life outside the relationship that he/she also enjoys. Of course, it’s a different matter altogether if the other party just doesn’t really seem to care about the relationship as much as the other person does. :3 Both sides definitely have to be willing and ready to put in the necessary efforts to sustain the relationship.


Gil is the sexiest and coolest peep--there's no refuting haha.

I agree, but I feel it's a different "kind" when it's long distance. Like when it isn't long distance, you can text every once in a while during the week day, then come the weekend, be together and such. Long distance, though, you have to put in a little more work. Sure, coming home tired and saying you want to just relax is fine, but the second day you do it and don't message as much? The other is going to feel a little less loved, because there is no "weekend" to offset it. 

But idk, I'm going off of one experience a long time ago haha.


----------



## JennyJukes

My boyfriend has a competition in the UK in June, so he's gonna come to mine for a week after :kitteh: It'll be 6 months since we saw each other. I think I can hold on for the next 3 months but I won't let myself get excited until his flight tickets are booked!

Seems like his parents are OK for him to move here in September for his studies but again I won't get excited until then.

It's a waiting game but once we have the flight confirmations I'll have my countdown on my phone again roud:.

I can't remember who suggested I try using a Dubai based website to send him a gift. I did at the beginning of February for valentines and it didn't reach him  sucks.


----------



## EyesOpen

I hope, @*Antipode* , that my reply did not come off to you as an attack that was meant to be defended. I was honestly just thinking it was a neutral discussion piece. I am still confused this morning but that's not because of you. But now I'm like "oh did it seem that way??" :/ 


@*JennyJukes* Oooh! Looks like good things coming your way..fingers crossed.


----------



## Firelily

Scoobyscoob said:


> I don't do LDR as they're a stupid waste of time and wasted effort. Once bitten, twice shy as the saying goes.


How is it that with a comment like this you are in the LDR *Support* group :laughing: :laughing: 

i'm sorry but this just cracked me up


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Firelily said:


> How is it that with a comment like this you are in the LDR *Support* group :laughing: :laughing:
> 
> i'm sorry but this just cracked me up


I was just expressing my views on how I view LDRs. I guess I'm showing my age, as an LDR is something I could've tried again if I were younger, but now, no way.


----------



## Firelily

awww showing you age. 

scoob you cant by any means be older than me.

but thank you for you honest, blunt opinion :heart:


----------



## temptingthesea

Antipode said:


> Gil is the sexiest and coolest peep--there's no refuting haha.
> 
> I agree, but I feel it's a different "kind" when it's long distance. Like when it isn't long distance, you can text every once in a while during the week day, then come the weekend, be together and such. Long distance, though, you have to put in a little more work. Sure, coming home tired and saying you want to just relax is fine, but the second day you do it and don't message as much? The other is going to feel a little less loved, because there is no "weekend" to offset it.
> 
> But idk, I'm going off of one experience a long time ago haha.


Haha. I'd agree except that I've just always been smitten with Archer himself. :laughing:
Oh. And I do understand.  This isn't my first LDR either. My last one was similar to yours. In the end, he realized he just really wasn't ready. *shrugs* Well, we did what we could.


----------



## Antipode

EyesOpen said:


> I hope, @*Antipode* , that my reply did not come off to you as an attack that was meant to be defended. I was honestly just thinking it was a neutral discussion piece. I am still confused this morning but that's not because of you. But now I'm like "oh did it seem that way??" :/


Not at all! I just didn't really have anything else to say on the matter, since they were kind of different experiences. This isn't one of those situations where I have psych studies and such to fall back on haha. Just my one experience with LDR.


----------



## Mystic MagentaRose

Been talking to this guy as of lately. LDR in progress. He deeply cares for me and always wants to talk to me. Things are progressing good. Tonight when he was stressed out, I was trying to comfort him. I wasn't trying to push anything on him. Just casual told him, "I really care about you. I hope your okay." In the end he was very sweet about it, "I know you care about me sweetie pie." When he said that, I was so happy and couldn't stop smiling. We continued to talk and told him I was happy with him, "Me too." he responded back so sweet and sincere. 

We talk so much on the phone and I don't want to stop talking to him. There's something about him. I've been single for almost 3 years and I'm very grateful I found him, but I don't want things to go too fast. I'm taking it slow. Admitted, I love it how he calls me little pet names, which I do. He's the first guy to honestly give me little pet names and I love it when he says them to me.

He asked me more questions, "What does your parents call you? Do they have any nicknames for you?" I think he's in for the long haul for sure. He's asking me so many questions and wanting to get to know me. Than I ended up blurting out, "I'm so happy were together." The longer we talked, I could tell how happy and secure he was because before he was very nervous and sort of held himself back a little bit. Once I opened up my feelings to him, he relaxed and seemed very content and happy. He's always happy anytime I call him or he hears my voice. Loves talking on the phone with me until he passes out and hearing the sound of my voice. 

By the end of the night he was getting tired, I wanted to get off the phone with him so he could get proper sleep. He didn't want me to go, "No, no, no baby don't go." I ended up staying until he passed out. For once I feel perfectly content in a relationship. I can be myself, talk to him about anything, be open and he loves my sense of humor. As I look back, I wasn't quite myself with a few of the past guys I was with before. Never felt at ease. However with him, I'm at ease and feel so comfy. As I've been talking to him, I feel as if he's an INFP, but I can be completely wrong. He's very artsy and loves creating things. Another thing I noticed is that he listens to sad songs sometimes so he can feel things. Tattoo artist too. I'm learning a lot about him and I will continue to take this slow. I don't want to scare him off, but it seems anytime I express myself with him, he relaxes a lot more than before. So I take this as a very very good sign!

Don't care that it's LDR, I'm happy with him. Just going to see what happens, but as far as I can tell I like him a lot.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Just curious, does anyone initiate LDRs nowadays? I know a few forum members here are in committed LDRs but were started several years ago. Anyone still seek an LDR these days?


----------



## Purrfessor

Scoobyscoob said:


> Just curious, does anyone initiate LDRs nowadays? I know a few forum members here are in committed LDRs but were started several years ago. Anyone still seek an LDR these days?


They are too hard these days. Culture shift..


----------



## Allersky

Scoobyscoob said:


> Just curious, does anyone initiate LDRs nowadays? I know a few forum members here are in committed LDRs but were started several years ago. Anyone still seek an LDR these days?


I'm sure some people are open to the idea, but I don't know of anyone intentionally looking for matches far away from them.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Hm, well I think LDRs are still a good choice for young daters.


----------



## Jagbas

Scoobyscoob said:


> Hm, well I think LDRs are still a good choice for young daters.


You should define young in a measurable way. Is 15 young? 25? 35? 50?


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Jagbas said:


> You should define young in a measurable way. Is 15 young? 25? 35? 50?


Anyone 27 and younger, as that's the typical age when a person begins to look for a person suitable for marriage. Otherwise, a specific age wouldn't be recommended because some marry as soon as they're legally allowed to while others wait until middle age.

I married in my early 30s to my wife who was in her early 20s at the time of marriage.  So yeah, not specifying an age is best, in my opinion.


----------



## Jagbas

Scoobyscoob said:


> Anyone 27 and younger, as that's the typical age when a person begins to look for a person suitable for marriage. Otherwise, a specific age wouldn't be recommended because some marry as soon as they're legally allowed to while others wait until middle age.
> 
> I married in my early 30s to my wife who was in her early 20s at the time of marriage.  So yeah, not specifying an age is best, in my opinion.


I'm 32 this year and I still consider myself young. Young is relative so that's why is difficult to answer when there's no parameter.

I "met" online my current boyfriend and future husband when I was 28. Wasn't looking for dating but it happened and i guess we just clicked and it worked. We were on the same page life-wise. When I was younger (till I was 19yo) I purpousefully looked for online dates but because of the age and the place I was in life they never worked out.
I don't think, still, that a ldr can work when one does not have a long term plan which is achievable in mind. Which might be at 19 or after the studies, but more commonly when someone is a bit more mature and as you said, ready for marriage or committment, compromise and sacrifice.

It is easy to initiate ldr nowadays because of technology, and how easier it is (imo) to face rejections through a screen than irl, but depending on the people in the relationship it might work out or not.

In the end I think that ldr are best for not so young people that know what they want and have a clear plan and the means to realize that plan.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Jagbas said:


> I'm 32 this year and I still consider myself young. Young is relative so that's why is difficult to answer when there's no parameter.
> 
> I "met" online my current boyfriend and future husband when I was 28. Wasn't looking for dating but it happened and i guess we just clicked and it worked. We were on the same page life-wise. When I was younger (till I was 19yo) I purpousefully looked for online dates but because of the age and the place I was in life they never worked out.
> I don't think, still, that a ldr can work when one does not have a long term plan which is achievable in mind. Which might be at 19 or after the studies, but more commonly when someone is a bit more mature and as you said, ready for marriage or committment, compromise and sacrifice.
> 
> It is easy to initiate ldr nowadays because of technology, and how easier it is (imo) to face rejections through a screen than irl, but depending on the people in the relationship it might work out or not.
> 
> In the end I think that ldr are best for not so young people that know what they want and have a clear plan and the means to realize that plan.


Yes, I 100% agree with you.  I hope your partner and you the best and a happy life together and I wish your marriage well.


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## temptingthesea

A rare picture of me (INFJ, probably) and my INTP!
We met here on perC in 2018, met up 1.5 years later, he visited me last Feb and has been stuck with me ever since. We recently got engaged. 🌸

__
Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
Show Content


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## Dalien

temptingthesea said:


> A rare picture of me (INFJ, probably) and my INTP!
> We met here on perC in 2018, met up 1.5 years later, he visited me last Feb and has been stuck with me ever since. We recently got engaged. 🌸
> View attachment 877117


So, that’s why you guys haven’t been around?
Congrats!


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## temptingthesea

Dalien said:


> So, that’s why you guys haven’t been around?
> Congrats!


Hey there!
Thank you much! @knife wanted to say Hi, too.
Yeah, I supposed that was the reason. xD I just realized that the last time I posted here was a few days before he landed. I also got busy with adulting stuff, still am. 😆


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## Dalien

temptingthesea said:


> Hey there!
> Thank you much! @knife wanted to say Hi, too.
> Yeah, I supposed that was the reason. xD I just realized that the last time I posted here was a few days before he landed. I also got busy with adulting stuff, still am. 😆


I’m happy, truly happy for you two. 🙂
Tell knife I say, Hi, too.
He landed with you—sweet!


----------



## Stella_4E

*Have you been in one?*
Yes Right now with an Enfj

*What works, what doesn't? *
I found someone who I can connect with so well emotionally. No one else who is physically here can give me that. 
We have separate lives so we don't always know what the other is doing. So hard to fully trust atm. I mean I overthink alot as an infp😂 whenever we don't talk, my mind jumps to what if he is bored already. But no worries. Am toxic to myself. Not to him. Would never question him like that


*Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*
Personally would be if we were from separate country coz no guarantee we can travel. 

*How often did/do you see your partner?*
We are from same city but my college is at different state. So we met online while I am at college. We met once when he came to the state I am in. It hasn't even been over 1 month but feels like forever already. Hoping to see him soon


*Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
idc. Am just happy when he is on the other line even if he doesn't say anything

*What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
Definitely physical. We are both affection. We love all the cuddles, hugs,kisses. Wana do that so bad but sucks we can't. It's even harder for him because he needs physical more than me. For me I need emotional. Some days when he is busy, He can't give that either coz can't call. So sucks I can't just go over and vise versa

*How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
No reaction. And doesn't even matter

*What are some fun things to do?*
playing online games together


----------



## Coonsy

Have you been in one? Yes, in one right now. Been in several where we live ~1.5-2 hours apart as well, but those were much easier to manage and didn't really feel like a LDR.

What works, what doesn't? Communication is SO huge, as is developing the trust. I'm not good at asking questions I may not like the answer to (like, are we exclusive; are you seeing other people; is this a relationship; what are you hoping to find that led you to dating me; etc). If the other person doesn't communicate these or even get in that realm, then I tend to read way to much into things - make assumptions - fill in the blanks on my own....not good.

Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? Honestly, if both people are at a point where they have pretty established lives, jobs, etc, then the distance can be MUCH harder to deal with. Basically, one or the other has to give up their life in order to combine the two, and I am not sure that can happen without some damages to the relationship, even if one person is willing to give everything up, it's probably not a simple thing and chances are, they are where they are for a reason.

How often did/do you see your partner? We were averaging 2x/month, but it was a full weeekend, although about 1/3 of those were at "group" events that we were both attending.

Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death) - It was mostly texting.

What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? You're not a part of that person's life unless they REALLY put in some effort to include you. If they avoid that, then you are just the person they see when they are free/have time.

The best part? The time together, when it happens, is very enjoyable and well spent.

How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR? It hasn't really been shared too much since we're so far apart - and honestly, my lower gut was really starting to question things not just how he's been the past few weeks, but the fact that I have zero desire to live where he does, and he has zero inclination to move.

What are some fun things to do? Events, hanging out, concerts, hiking - pretty much anything on a normal date, but maybe throw in some normal life activities too lol


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## 7rr7s

Any ideas on how to watch shows together now that rabbit is RIP.


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## JessiCat

phony said:


> *Are you in a Long-Distance Relationship? hug*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *This thread will serve as a platform to discuss your experiences with LDRs. Also we will share stories, give virtual hugs, answer questions & be supportive because we are a big happy internet family c: *Here are some Qs if you want to answer them.
> 
> Have you been in one? If so...
> What works, what doesn't?
> Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
> How often did/do you see your partner?
> Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
> What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
> How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
> What are some fun things to do?


I've been been in a LDR for a year now and still haven't gotten to meet my girlfriend in person. I'm in Canada and she is in Poland. It's been so hard and I'm getting LDR depression. Fortunately she has a lot going for her, like her career, church work, and scouting, therefore, she isn't suffering as much as I am, as I have literally nothing going for me or no friends. I'm planning to go stay with her for 3 months, but if miraculously I can live there, that's my dream. Unfortunately, Poland isn't a lgbtq friendly country and I don't think I can get residency rights because of that. It's very stressful and discouraging, as I have a severe phobia of flying, and my flight will be about 10h. It would be better for her to come to me, but realistically, she has too much too lose and I don't. I wish there were more things to do during video chatting, as it's the same old watching movies and series'. We are planning to pick out a recipe, buy ingredients, cook it together, and eat it together during a video chat, which I'm looking forward to. I'm just so over not being able to touch her or spend quality time with her. It's the simple things that many couples take for granted, like going for walks, cooking together, etc, that I'm looking forward to most. If something were to ever happen and we broke up, I'd never be in a LDR again, as it's just to painful. She is worth it, though, as she's the most beautiful, talented, sexy, and intelligent person I've ever known, which also makes it so much more harder being apart 😓. I needed to vent, so thank you. It's nice to have support.


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## JessiCat

confused girl28 said:


> *Have you been in one? *
> I am currently in one with @GoodOldDreamer
> 
> 
> *What works, what doesn't?*
> We´ve been in this relationship for more than a year now and things work perfectly. It is hard to say what doesn´t work because even if there are thousands of kilometers in between us , we always find the way to feel closer to each other. It just works.
> 
> 
> *Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?*
> Nope, distance is just an ilusion. Having different work´s schedules on the other hand....
> 
> 
> *How often did/do you see your partner? *
> We´ll meet for the first time next January. He´scoming to visit me and we´re spending ten days together (not sure that will be enough though, I am sure I won´t be able to let him go )
> We keep daydreaming about that trip.
> 
> 
> *Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)*
> We´ve tried both and it´s awesome. Being able to touch the same things he has touched, reading his handwriting letter or even cuddling witht he pillow he sent to me, is priceless. On the other hand, my day is not complete if I have to go to bed without being able to see him or hear him, but if I have to pick one, I´d say skype (and/or Gtalk in our case)
> 
> 
> *What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?*
> We both value physical touch much (it is an important part of our love language) so not being able to hug him, for example, when he is feeling down is a challenge.
> 
> 
> The best part is, definitely, our communication. He is my lover and my best friend, I can talk about everything and anything with him. He understands and listens and talk to me so I can also understand.
> We both are INFJs so we´re so random sometimes! We can start talking about piranhas and end up talking about Horacio Quiroga´s biography (long story please don´t ask 👅)
> Our chats are funny, deep, silly, touchy-feely, logical, random.......damn I love the way his brain works!
> 
> 
> *How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?*
> My best friend totally gets it and she is really supportive. I don´t talk a lot about my private life but I do say, if asked, that I am in a long distance relationship and I got different kind of reactions that go from curiosity/exciment to disinterest, I am fine with them. It is my life after all :happy:
> 
> 
> *What are some fun things to do?*
> Oh we talk every day (if the time difference doesn´t get in the middle) and we always find funny things to do.
> We watch movies/tv shows together, play games (he keeps winning at literati! though that´s a turn on so it is all good 😉), we watch videos on youtube, listen to music together, we even take naps together sometimes (and no matter what you hear over there I DON´T SNORE!) and we talk and talk a lot!
> We are planning our trip for next January so we spend a lot of time getting everything ready for that, like hotel reservations, bus tickets and stuff.
> Last Christmas and New year´s eve,we had our own private dinner on skype, after everybody else went to bed, and it was really special and intimate and awesome.
> Just because you´re in a long distance relationship it doesn´t mean you can´t have what other couples have, all you need is a bit of imagination.


I have a hard time finding things to do with my girlfriend. I use a tablet, therefore, I can't bring her along for a walk, even though I'd love to do that with her. We're basically stuck in our own separate apartments (me in Canada and her in Poland) watching movies on Skype. I don't know of any good games or other activities online that would be interactive. Could you recommend any apps or websites? I'm glad you're thriving in your LDR. It's so hard. I'm getting LDR depression (I learned that it is a thing). Thank you


----------



## tanstaafl28

I'm not sure if it's better or worse to be 3.5 hours away from my LDR (by car). It almost seems like more of a tease than being thousands of miles apart. We've known each other for nearly 30 years (high school) and both went through painful divorces before we found each other again. The problem is I've got seniority with my company and she's got the same with hers. Neither one of us can safely move to the other at this time, so we're doing the best we can to meet up at least once a month for a weekend. We went on a week-long vacation to the Outer Banks in July and we're going down to visit my family next month. She lives near where we both grew up and has a house, so likely, when the time comes I'll move to her, hopefully within the next few years.


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## JessiCat

tanstaafl28 said:


> I'm not sure if it's better or worse to be 3.5 hours away from my LDR (by car). It almost seems like more of a tease than being thousands of miles apart. We've known each other for nearly 30 years (high school) and both went through painful divorces before we found each other again. The problem is I've got seniority with my company and she's got the same with hers. Neither one of us can safely move to the other at this time, so we're doing the best we can to meet up at least once a month for a weekend. We went on a week-long vacation to the Outer Banks in July and we're going down to visit my family next month. She lives near where we both grew up and has a house, so likely, when the time comes I'll move to her, hopefully within the next few years.


Wow! 30 years! It's crazy what how fate can bring 2 people together under crazy circumstances, and you know that they are your soul mate and you're meant to be together. I can see how your LDR is challenging too. Sure, you get to physically be with your girlfriend once a month, but it's still hard, as you both are unable to open the next chapter of your relationship by living together. I think the worst part is going to bed alone, plus feeling bad that she is having to go to bed alone too. To be able to wake up next to her, drink coffee on her balcony, walk her dog together, are all things I dream about. When I do finally get to meet her, I may have a heart attack lol. It will be a dream come true, plus it will mean I survived the flight and got through customs. I've never flown before, and the whole process terrifies me!


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## Eren Jaegerbomb

temptingthesea said:


> A rare picture of me (INFJ, probably) and my INTP!
> We met here on perC in 2018, met up 1.5 years later, he visited me last Feb and has been stuck with me ever since. We recently got engaged. 🌸
> View attachment 877117


That is sooo cute and sweeeeet. I want to meet my prospective person... But he's so far away. Were you in the same country or not?


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## Eren Jaegerbomb

So yeah I want to meet my prospective person one day, if anything comes out of what's happening now. The problem is I'm also sad and worried about the current world situation... WWIII looks ... Close...

Have any of you guys flown to another country to meet someone? And yes, I know the dangers... "It might not really be them", "You could be talking to a scammer", "He could be a serial killer" etc...
I just _know_, he's not... I have all his social media accounts, (like we've added each other), we've voice chatted, and sent photos. And I've prayed about it.

Really nice guy, as in, he's a bit sarcastic at times but he means well, also it's funny. Cool dude, really humble and chill, for the lack of a better word, very spiritual and connected with God.

I would understand if my family and friends would not want me to fly overseas to meet a man. But I will likely visit my other friend first who is in the same country (a lady.) Then travel with her.

_If_ it is in God's will, then why the hell not. If not, then _why the heck not anyway..._ I really want to save the money for this. If it doesn't work out, he's a cool friend regardless!


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## Eren Jaegerbomb

JessiCat said:


> Wow! 30 years! It's crazy what how fate can bring 2 people together under crazy circumstances, and you know that they are your soul mate and you're meant to be together. I can see how your LDR is challenging too. Sure, you get to physically be with your girlfriend once a month, but it's still hard, as you both are unable to open the next chapter of your relationship by living together. I think the worst part is going to bed alone, plus feeling bad that she is having to go to bed alone too. To be able to wake up next to her, drink coffee on her balcony, walk her dog together, are all things I dream about. When I do finally get to meet her, I may have a heart attack lol. It will be a dream come true, plus it will mean I survived the flight and got through customs. I've never flown before, and the whole process terrifies me!


Flying is not that bad! But I guess it doesn't help with everything that's going on right now in the world... 😕


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