# Women: Do you care about looks?



## TheBly (Dec 11, 2010)

It seems that my whole life I've had a bit of a stomach. I'm happy with every other part of my body but my stomach has really impacted my self esteem. I'm 6 foot and 205lbs. I'm currently trying diet and exercise to lose the extra weight but I know I can't expect immediate results. Do women really care about a man having a six pack?


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

TheBly said:


> Do women really care about a man having a six pack?


 Not at all. (at least I don't. Don't know about other women )


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## WindowLicker (Aug 3, 2010)

Well... I've never dated a guy that didn't have a 6 pack but honestly I'd be happier with someone who wasn't obsessed about their looks. Besides I havn''t had a six pack myself since 2nd grade. People who are comfortable with themselves are much more attractive.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

i've had romantic feelings for a "teddy bear" type and the muscely type. it's all in the person.


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## quadrivium (Nov 6, 2011)

To some degree... I'm a fan of tall dark and handsome. I dated a guy who was obese, just straight up obese. He could easily make me laugh and he was incredibly kind. 

I think women would be more attracted to the drive in you to lose weight and get healthy rather than pure aesthetic reasons.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

i think health matters to me more than weight. i mean, are you at least up and moving and eating healthy foods, or do you overeat, live a sedentary lifestyle, and live in constant pain and discomfort. i know people with a few extra pounds who are still active and feel good, and some who constantly feel unwell. since i am active, i need an active partner. i need our lifestyles to at least mesh. the "teddy bear" type i loved once was an hiker, even if he had an extra 30 lbs. but extra weight doesn't make a person unattractive physically.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I need to be physically attracted to a guy, and in that sense, looks matter, but a 6 pack is not necessary at all. If I find someone generally attractive, then a little extra in the mid section is no big deal & can even be cute. I can't even say defined abs are more attractive in general....it's really the person as a whole that will attract me.


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## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

I don't need a guy to have a six pack for me to be attracted.

I actually find myself a little turned off by guys who are body builders...so go too far in that direction and it's a problem for me.

But yeah, I need to be physically attracted to a guy to seriously pursue a relationship, so in that sense I care about looks. I don't expect Brad Pitt though. A dude just has to look good to me and have a personality that I like.


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## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

WindowLicker said:


> Well... I've never dated a guy that didn't have a 6 pack but honestly I'd be happier with someone who wasn't obsessed about their looks. Besides I havn''t had a six pack myself since 2nd grade. People who are comfortable with themselves are much more attractive.


You had a six pack in 2nd grade? What?


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

Depends on the person. I think this whole phenomenon about the body building industry and magazines that make men feel as though they need to look a certain way really kills their essence of who they really are. Most women I know could care less about a guy's abs or buff arms. The ones who do mostly appreciate the shallower aspects of the relationship. 

I personally am attracted to a guy for several reasons, and most commonly find unexplainable attraction to pheromones to be the major contributing factor to his desirableness.

Guys who have a cute smile and a little bit of pudge can be adorable. Super buff meatheads don't stand a chance. It's all about substance.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Men can get away with being less physically attractive than a woman. You're 6' which is in most womens ballpark for ideal height on a man. You're also not that out of shape so I'm sure you'll be fine. Rarely does a woman demand a man to look like a damn male model. The attraction triggers for women aren't hinging on a persons outward appearance. Not to the degree that it matters to a man. If you shoot within your "league" you'll do fine.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

Chipps said:


> The attraction triggers for women aren't hinging on a persons outward appearance. Not to the degree that it matters to a man. If you shoot within your "league" you'll do fine.


What's your "league" though? I mean according to the last girl I dated I was "out of her league", but I was perfectly happy dating her? I don't get this 'league' system at all. What criteria apportion you to a league? What's high end? Mid league and relegation zone?

Personally, I say, know what you want and go and get it. I'm yet to be assaulted/ridiculed for asking a woman out politely.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

TheBly said:


> Do women really care about a man having a six pack?


Not to go off topic or anything, but everyone has a six pack, it's just hidden under fat on most people, although you would still need to work the muscles to make the six pack larger.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I really don't give a crap.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

I care about looks, but I don't care if you have a six pack or not. Just as long as you take care of yourself. I've learned that even though someone may be attractive, you may not feel physical attraction towards them, and attraction in general takes a nose dive if you don't care for their personality. 

If you're confident, happy, intelligent, have no STDs, and look like an average fellow, you're good in my book.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Looks matter (to some extent); a six pack doesn't.
A six pack doesn't mean you're functionally fit. It's more about diet than actual exercise.
Just look at the world's strongest men - no 6 packs in sight, but they have functional fitness.



skycloud86 said:


> Not to go off topic or anything, but everyone has a six pack, it's just hidden under fat on most people, although you would still need to work the muscles to make the six pack larger.


There are more than 6 to the pack, anyway.


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## daydr3am (Oct 20, 2010)

I care about looks to a degree. As long as he's average-looking, I'm fine with that. Personality can make a decent fellow hot. My friends have constantly questioned the guys I dated in the past (based on looks) but they didn't know my guys the way I did. 

The guy I'm currently dating does have a six-pack though. We both frequently play sports.


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## LittleHawk (Feb 15, 2011)

In the majority of my relationships I haven't really noticed the looks of the person I'm dating until a few months in. It seems bizarre but I'm usually focused more on how I feel around that person and the chemistry I feel.

I don't really find men who make a big deal out their appearances attractive either. I prefer somebody who is comfortable with what they've got instead of some big facade.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Paradox1987 said:


> What's your "league" though? I mean according to the last girl I dated I was "out of her league", but I was perfectly happy dating her? I don't get this 'league' system at all. What criteria apportion you to a league? What's high end? Mid league and relegation zone?
> 
> Personally, I say, know what you want and go and get it. I'm yet to be assaulted/ridiculed for asking a woman out politely.


Oh, I don't fully understand the whole league system either but it comes down to sex rank. The reason that the girl you were dating was uncomfortable was because your sex rank was higher than hers meaning that you didn't "match" physically. You know how if you see a couple and one is noticeably more attractive than they other? It makes you wonder how the hell that happened no? The reason people notice it is because it doesn't fit. It becomes visible which puts the person that doesn't "fit" in the spot light making them uncomfortable. 

Think about it like this, a guy that is overweight is dating a girl that could be in a magazine. He'll probably be very aware that she is out of his league making him uncomfortable because he'll think that she will drop him for a better looking guy at any minute. Its also like how men might be afraid to approach really attractive women. Why? Because he knows she is out of his league. People tend to only date within their league of comfort. Maybe you aren't really aware of how attractive you are? People who are physically pleasing, I've heard, have a harder time dating because people don't believe they are actually in to them. 

Either that or the girl was simply really insecure. In that case it wasn't you. Human beings are naturally attracted to someone they see as an equal. If two people get together and they are both fat, then one loses a noticeable amount of weight, the other will become really insecure due to the change in sex rank and more likely lose weight too or it will cause jealousy and resentment in the relationship. 

I'd say ask an honest friend where you fall when it comes to leagues. You could have a killer personality and charm that attracts a lot of women (I don't know) thus making a potential partner feel uncomfortable because others might be competing for your attention.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

Chipps said:


> Think about it like this, a guy that is overweight is dating a girl that could be in a magazine. He'll probably be very aware that she is out of his league making him uncomfortable because he'll think that she will drop him for a better looking guy at any minute. Its also like how men might be afraid to approach really attractive women. Why? Because he knows she is out of his league. People tend to only date within their league of comfort. Maybe you aren't really aware of how attractive you are? People who are physically pleasing, I've heard, have a harder time dating because people don't believe they are actually in to them.


Meh, I carry a few extra centimetres (read inches lol) around the waistline that I probably shouldn't, though it's been many years since I've been what could objectively be described as "fat". In that sense, even when I was a pudgy lil so and so, I still asked out the girls I liked. However, that was high school, they said no, my heart didn't shatter, I just said "oh... fair enough" and moved on really. 

I have never had a hard time understanding that someone could be in to me regardless of my physical flaws. The reasoning I've always used is that I have never, at any time, been friendless; therefore people want my company. It followed logically (in my mind) that someone would want full access to my inner world, and also to my anatomy. Turns out, I was right lol. Even when I was much flabbier, I didn't really think that anyone was out of my league. If they could do better than me, more power to them. Plus, I prefer the certainty of yes/no than torturing myself for weeks agonising over the age old question... "does she like me?" Of course, that's just me.





Chipps said:


> Either that or the girl was simply really insecure. In that case it wasn't you.
> I'd say ask an honest friend where you fall when it comes to leagues. You could have a killer personality and charm that attracts a lot of women (I don't know) thus making a potential partner feel uncomfortable because others might be competing for your attention.


Oh no, I know exactly why she thought I was out of her league. We're still friends, and she only just recently said that the best thing I ever gave her was the concept that this "league" crap may just be utter nonsense. I may not look like your stereotypical woman's fantasy specimen, but I have many other strengths, so I always wonder precisely what criteria can even go in to assigning you a "league" position. 

I get what you're saying though, I just don't think this "league" idea helps anyone, and serves to make a lot of people needlessly insecure .


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## Derek Mcilvenna (Mar 19, 2012)

I've heard so many responses from woman. I heard that all that matters if they have an attractive face. Or the opposite if they have a great body and an average face they're content. Or that they just have to have a nice smile or nice eyes etc. I feel like from what I can deduce woman only care about a guys confidence.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Derek Mcilvenna said:


> I've heard so many responses from woman. I heard that all that matters if they have an attractive face. Or the opposite if they have a great body and an average face they're content. Or that they just have to have a nice smile or nice eyes etc.


That's because not all women are the same!



> I feel like from what I can deduce woman only care about a guys confidence.


No. You can't stereotype women this way. *Some* women only care about confidence ...even arrogance...but some women really do look at men's bodies, or their faces, or even have a physical type.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

It's a lost cause @fourtines. Too often people want to pigeonhole others into gender stereotypes to make it "easier" for them to understand "motivations". This too often leads to assumptions and miscommunication. Some people are content believing misinformation and stereotypes.

Males aren't always looking for partners based on looks (doesn't matter their orientation).
Females aren't always looking for partners with status/money (doesn't matter their orientation).

Though some like to believe this drivel.


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

I'm not going to pretend that I don't care about looks, because I do. I don't care if that makes me "shallow" or whatever...

That doesn't mean he has to look like a male model, nor does it mean that he MUST be good-looking by strictly conventional standards. But I have to like the way he looks. If I don't, then I'm not going to have any sexual interest in him at all.

For me, when it comes to looks, the face takes precedence over the body, but that doesn't mean that I would go for someone who looks horribly out of shape. That said, I'm not attracted to enormous bulging muscles either. If he has six-pack abs then I'm not complaining, but it's not important.


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

Derek Mcilvenna said:


> I've heard so many responses from woman. I heard that all that matters if they have an attractive face. Or the opposite if they have a great body and an average face they're content. Or that they just have to have a nice smile or nice eyes etc. I feel like from what I can deduce woman only care about a guys confidence.


Different individuals, different preferences... that's all. Women are not part of some gigantic hive mind. We don't all think exactly the same way, and we don't all have the exact same likes/dislikes.


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## bowieownsmysoul (Feb 26, 2012)

Attraction for me does have something to do with looks, but for me there are no rules, really. You could describe a person I would theoretically find attractive and in real life I wouldn't be attracted at all. It depends on the person and the situation.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

I don't care about six packs either haha, I think it's not at all something that's required. I'd actually prefer it if my guy wasn't that muscular.

Physical attraction to me doesn't follow the traditional sense. It's not about the shape of his face, or his smile, or whatever. Those things I tend to find attractive later the more I like his personality, no matter how they are, even if he has a crooked nose or weird hair haha. 

I really follow the impression I get from that person, the vibe that person gives off, the emotional connection, the chemistry. It's what I'm most attuned to when I meet someone. It's not personality because I don't really know him yet, but actually the potential of me and him. How well we click, how comfortable I am being myself around him, how our conversations go, etc. 

There are some basics of course, I'm not blind so he has to have a little something, not necessarily a specific asset but hot hands for example are a definite plus (I have a thing for sexy hands). I guess what I mostly look for is what people call the X factor. Something they have that is different, unique, not stereotypically attractive but still gives them that edge. It can be anything, how they express themselves, their attitude maybe, anything really.


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## Moonlight Angel (Mar 28, 2012)

Attraction for me is based more on how i feel about the guy. if you are attractive that is nice, but the personality and how they act are more important to me.


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## red_1038 (Apr 13, 2011)

Looks and humor are the first things I notice. If you're my definition of attractive (tall, curly-haired, blue-eyed), you get +3 hotness points. Speaking of humor, just plain funny is worth +3 hotness, sarcastic humor is worth +5. You can score additional points with intelligence (+2), musical talent (+2), insight, etc, until you reach 12 points, which is date-able level. In theory, you can reach the 12 points without any physical attractiveness whatsoever. After I know your personality sufficiently well and you've broken the 18 point mark, we can "go steady". My boyfriend has easily topped 40 points and has garnered "soul-mate" status.

At any rate, what I'm trying to say, in a roundabout way, is that physical appearance is not a deal-maker or a deal-breaker. It simply is.


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## waitwhat... (Feb 24, 2012)

I think to some degree every woman wants to have at least a couple attractive qualities in their men. I personally don't mind the tummy buldge though, and actually find it rather cute.  My husband wants a flatter stomach, and I'll be totally content with that too. I'm most concerned with the arms, shoulders, and back though, and he's got great ones, so I'm definitely happy.


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## MyDarkAngel (Mar 23, 2012)

I think that taking care of yourself is very important. Looks matter to me, as shallow as that is. I know what I like and I know what I don't and that's my prerogative.


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