# getting over fear of talking with opposite sex



## magical (Feb 7, 2010)

when i notice that a guy like me, especially those that do so before they have even spoken to me, i become affraid to approch them even if i like them too. i don't know what it is that attracts them to be honest (i'm just average looking...which is part of why i get so nervous because i wonder through out what is is they're seeing), but my fear is that once they get to know me, or have spoken to me for 10 minutes they'll realise that what ever they sensed isn't there or that there's nothing there intellectually. 

Also, I'm really bad with small talk, so when they approach me half the time i don't even know how to respond to them... i aslo don't seem to know how to move beyond the small talks.

advice on what to do please?:blushed:


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## Chilln (Aug 19, 2009)

Basically the best way to get over this is to practice approaching the opposite sex purely for experimental purposes. If you fear rejection or anticipate it before giving yourself the chance to even talk then yeah it's just going to become repetitive. I know this sounds like obvious advice but I suppose getting rejected over and over is good practice because it builds a sort of indifference to the outcome of any sort of social encounter. This nonchalant attitude essentially is what you need to practice. Not caring about anything really helped me overcome certain social phobias. 
Although once in a while I have had similar encounters. This one girl moved next door to my apartment a few years ago and every time we saw each other we just sort of stared and/or smiled at each other without saying a word. Lol, that constant eyefucking is enough to drive anyone crazy. Eventually I did approach and talk to her on a somewhat regular basis but discovered that she was extremely shy around guys in general so it was kind of amusing because for once I was seeing exactly how it looked to people when I was shy as a kid. So of course that went nowhere because neither of us ever made a move (she never had much to say and I would always have to initiate conversation). She was a very nice girl though I kind of regret that I didn't take that chance.
You'll get past it, I have no doubt. Practice makes perfect.


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## reyesaaronringo (Dec 27, 2009)

i concur. this on first glance appears superficial. it seem that you are using people for the purpose of bettering youself. i assure you it's not. we are social animals yet the instinct to communicate is doesn't come naturally sometimes.

it's like muscle memory; you know the first time you drove a car it seemed like everything took for ever, adjusting your seat, putting on the seat belt, turning the ignition and on an on. now you get in the car and before you know it your on the road. the part of the brain in charge of this is the reticular formation (useless information but hey) and it works with several tasks, including the art of communication. good luck and have a blast.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

magical said:


> when i notice that a guy like me, especially those that do so before they have even spoken to me, i become affraid to approch them even if i like them too. i don't know what it is that attracts them to be honest (i'm just average looking...which is part of why i get so nervous because i wonder through out what is is they're seeing), but my fear is that once they get to know me, or have spoken to me for 10 minutes they'll realise that what ever they sensed isn't there or that there's nothing there intellectually.
> 
> Also, I'm really bad with small talk, so when they approach me half the time i don't even know how to respond to them... i aslo don't seem to know how to move beyond the small talks.
> 
> advice on what to do please?:blushed:


 
an expert would tell you to introduce yourself to 5 differen twomen each day.


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

It's easy.

Just omit the fact that they have opposite genitalia from your mind.

And then talk to them as a HUMAN.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

magical said:


> when i notice that a guy like me, especially those that do so before they have even spoken to me, i become affraid to approch them even if i like them too. i don't know what it is that attracts them to be honest (i'm just average looking...which is part of why i get so nervous because i wonder through out what is is they're seeing), but my fear is that once they get to know me, or have spoken to me for 10 minutes they'll realise that what ever they sensed isn't there or that there's nothing there intellectually.
> 
> Also, I'm really bad with small talk, so when they approach me half the time i don't even know how to respond to them... i aslo don't seem to know how to move beyond the small talks.
> 
> advice on what to do please?:blushed:




hmm...yea it's natural to feel anxious when someone idealizes you...and you feel like you should match their idealizations. I know what you mean there. As for the awkward silence... yea I have that problem too.... just in general. I suppose it just takes practice.


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## Inky (Dec 2, 2008)

Be confident, and be yourself. Have good intentions and don't think too much.

If you don't know how to respond, just listen. Ask them questions about themselves. People generally like genuinely interested listeners though, so ask a question you probably want to hear an answer to, not for the sake of asking. 

Try talking in a group - so if one conversation dies off there are other conversations you can jump into. Talk one-on-one only if you really feel you "click" with the person (you have quite a lot to say/quite interested in listening to him) or once you feel that you have grown closer.

If you still find it very awkward despite everything else, last resort is to just imagine that they're female. Hahaha :crazy:


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