# When Fe teams up...



## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

I know that i'm going to get a lot of slack for saying this but wow i really, really, really hate when Fe teams up. It's the worst thing on God's green earth. People who i didn't say anything to suddenly have a huge grudge against me because i tampered with the harmony within a group or i offended someone and they are butthurt on their behalf, even as a Fi user i can get annoyed when someone gets butthurt on their own behalf, but it makes way more sense to me than being butthurt on someone else's behalf, even if it's someone they just met. Most women are SFJs so i can see why it's such a common occurrence now, MBTI really cleared that up. In general ExFJs tend to think they know what's 'best' for everyone which i find to be arrogant. I admit that i do prefer the IxFJs cause they are less full-on but then they remind me that they are just like them when i see how they deal with conflict. It's like this Fe circlejerk, it's painful to watch and even more painful when you are in the middle of it. It's like they are poking my Fi with a needle and they're just waiting for me to retaliate and when i do, then it's all my selfish Fi's fault. I have noticed that FJ's don't really get the concept of 'retaliation' cause they are overly thinking about other's feels, they tend to get theatrical and use words like ''you're always like this'' or ''nobody likes you'' such absolutes. They don't understand that you can't offend Fi in the way that Fe would be offended.

Fe users please understand that attempting to alienate a Fi user will only make their case more stronger and don't attempt to guilt-trip us by saying how we are making other's feel, it's ineffective and it will make you look like a d*** in their eyes they won't second guess themselves like how Fe will or burst into tears because everyone feels this way about them.


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## Decisions_Decisions (Jan 29, 2015)

misfortuneteller said:


> I know that i'm going to get a lot of slack for saying this but wow i really, really, really hate when Fe teams up. It's the worst thing on god's green earth. People who i didn't say anything to suddenly have a huge grudge against me because i tampered with the harmony within a group or i offended someone and they are butthurt on their behalf, even as a Fi user i can get annoyed when someone gets butthurt on their own behalf, but it makes way more sense to me than being butthurt on someone else's behalf, even if it's someone they just met. Most women are SFJs so i can see why it's such a common occurrence now, MBTI really cleared that up. In general ExFJs tend to think they know what's 'best' for everyone which i find to be arrogant. I admit that i do prefer the IxFJs cause they are less full-on but then they remind me that they are just like them when i see how they deal with conflict. It's like this Fe circlejerk, it's painful to watch and even more painful when you are in the middle of it. It's like they are poking my Fi with a needle and they're just waiting for me to retaliate and when i do, then it's all my selfish Fi's fault. I have noticed that FJ's don't really get the concept of 'retaliation' cause they are overly thinking about other's feels, they tend to get theatrical and use words like ''you're always like this'' or ''nobody likes you'' such absolutes. They don't understand that you can't offend Fi in the way that Fe would be offended.
> 
> Fe users please understand that attempting to alienate a Fi user will only make their case more stronger and don't attempt to guilt-trip us by saying how we are making other's feel, it's ineffective and it will make you look like a d*** in their eyes they won't second guess themselves like how Fe will or burst into tears because everyone feels this way about them.


I'm sorry to hear you were ganged up on. There are many ironic statements in your post, however. You might find value in studying it and considering them for future reference. It may help you understand and mitigate if not prevent future incidents. 






Sent from Tapatalk


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

They usually just line up with what's popular; their tribe of useful idiots. You clearly have a bone to pick, but refrain from going head to head with them because they'll beat you. Either go with it or stfu. Divide et impera.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

Razorgirl said:


> They usually just line up with what's popular; their tribe of useful idiots. You clearly have a bone to pick, but refrain from going head to head with them because they'll beat you. Either go with it or stfu. Divide et impera.


going against whats popular is how millions of hipsters are born. lmao


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

doesn't follow at all.


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## Verity3 (Nov 15, 2014)

misfortuneteller said:


> I know that i'm going to get a lot of slack for saying this but wow i really, really, really hate when Fe teams up. It's the worst thing on God's green earth. People who i didn't say anything to suddenly have a huge grudge against me because i tampered with the harmony within a group or i offended someone and they are butthurt on their behalf, even as a Fi user i can get annoyed when someone gets butthurt on their own behalf, but it makes way more sense to me than being butthurt on someone else's behalf, even if it's someone they just met. Most women are SFJs so i can see why it's such a common occurrence now, MBTI really cleared that up. In general ExFJs tend to think they know what's 'best' for everyone which i find to be arrogant. I admit that i do prefer the IxFJs cause they are less full-on but then they remind me that they are just like them when i see how they deal with conflict. It's like this Fe circlejerk, it's painful to watch and even more painful when you are in the middle of it. It's like they are poking my Fi with a needle and they're just waiting for me to retaliate and when i do, then it's all my selfish Fi's fault. I have noticed that FJ's don't really get the concept of 'retaliation' cause they are overly thinking about other's feels, they tend to get theatrical and use words like ''you're always like this'' or ''nobody likes you'' such absolutes. They don't understand that you can't offend Fi in the way that Fe would be offended.
> 
> Fe users please understand that attempting to alienate a Fi user will only make their case more stronger and don't attempt to guilt-trip us by saying how we are making other's feel, it's ineffective and it will make you look like a d*** in their eyes they won't second guess themselves like how Fe will or burst into tears because everyone feels this way about them.


I might get a lot of FLACK for thanking this, but I totally feel you.

Keep in mind, though, that a lot of the problem is mutual. Conflicting interests, well, conflict. And at least in Western culture, the patriarchy doesn't exactly encourage women to support each other's differences. I imagine that a different sort of culture could foster more Fe-Fi appreciation the way other functions often appreciate other functions. But I guess I don't know that for a fact.

Also, I think the problem is exacerbated intergenerationally. When a Fe-user raises a Fi-user, OR when a Fi-user raises a Fe-user, there is a great possibility for wounding in the form of smothering or neglect. And any wounding can get projected onto other people later in life who resemble that parent.

So yeah, it sucks, but try to keep all this in mind.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I understand and empathize. I have been there too. It is very painful to feel ganged up on and silenced. I think Fe users tend to perceive it differently than we do, though - I think they are typically wondering why we are inconveniencing everyone to harp on a matter that neither has bearing on everyone nor improves the current situation. 

My touchstone for this has been this incident: following a family member's funeral, a group of about 15 family members went to a restaurant. We chose one that seemed mutually agreeable and was meaningful because it had been a favorite of the deceased. A probably also INFP (e4w3) family member, in her late teens like me, and perhaps especially sensitive due to the death, refused to eat because she didn't like the restaurant, threw a fit, and sulked outside for the remainder of the time because she felt left out and neglected. To be fair, in a way, she had been. The restaurant was preferable to 14 or so other people and it was close by and sentimental. Yet she made everyone uncomfortable and refused to even attempt to cooperate. My Fe-dom mother actually gave her money to get food to eat somewhere else, which she refused to use. It seemed like a situation where she could have "taken one for the team", so to speak. 

So now I try to flex my Te and judge Fe-Fi situations like this: what is the end goal in this situation? How can I speak out in a way that will further the end goal of this situation for everyone present? Can I address my personal issues later in a way that will be more conducive to my goal? What can I change in this situation while having the least amount of negative impact on everyone else?


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

angelfish said:


> I understand and empathize. I have been there too. It is very painful to feel ganged up on and silenced.


the worst thing is they seem to get off on ostracizing you because it's for your own good and they have told me multiple times that i could have 'prevented' this from happening. Fe doesn't mean empathy per se, it means empathy for the majority of the people in he room and if they all have an issue with you then 9 times out of 10 they will too.



> I think they are typically wondering why we are inconveniencing everyone to harp on a matter that neither has bearing on everyone nor improves the current situation.


I've actually noticed this in TPs too, they tend to see Fi as being really illogical and have often mistyped TJs as feelers because they might go into Fi mode every now and then like how they might go into Fe mode which is what TJ's see as illogical, it's interesting that it all fits.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

misfortuneteller said:


> Most women are SFJs so i can see why it's such a common occurrence now, MBTI really cleared that up.


Different sites I see suggest 20-25%, a significant number. I'm not sure if I can give you any advice here, as I like them, except find other people to hang out with? 



> Fe users please understand that attempting to alienate a Fi user will only make their case more stronger and don't attempt to guilt-trip us by saying how we are making other's feel, it's ineffective and it will make you look like a d*** in their eyes they won't second guess themselves like how Fe will or burst into tears because everyone feels this way about them.


I might be out of my mind to think I can change your opinion, but who are you preaching to? By studying functions, you can learn to appreciate them. Any war between Fe & Fi only exists in people's minds. Most people don't care about your feelings but your own feelings should convince yourself that their judgment will not hurt you. My INFP friends (In our mid 20s) have grown a backbone. They generally hang out with other Fi users or other NPs. 



> I have noticed that FJ's don't really get the concept of 'retaliation' cause they are overly thinking about other's feels, they tend to get theatrical and use words like ''you're always like this'' or ''nobody likes you'' such absolutes. They don't understand that you can't offend Fi in the way that Fe would be offended.


Seriously, all types get offended, with 'F' types more than others.


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## nichya (Jul 12, 2014)

I am only surprised that they were actually up front with you, Fe circles I know usually operate on tons of -gossip- They are all nice when someone is around then whenever that person is missing they are always gossiping about them which makes me -really- uncomfortable. Not even real problems but I think, and as they support this with their words actually, they think they are part of something and so cool and others are basically either weird or banal. I swear these people have no idea of checking themselves in the mirror either. My INFJ circle seems to feel inferior to sensors and thinkers a great deal, so if you take one of them out to be with such group, they feel awkward and inferior but whenever they return to their group they are like, oh they are such banal people, I know I am being arrogant but I have no interest in talking to them, I find them very simple. while in fact what happened is noone gave a single damn about them and they were actually pretty much invisible in the group. I love how they interpret things and how much they -need- each other, lol. and their group, I don't know what is in their head but is pretty much normaloid and very banal as well, especially my INFJ group loves to talk about pricetags, expensive and shiny stuff and take mac filter photos as opposed to what is portrayed to be in the MBTI book, they don't even seem to know each other that well and it doesn't take much to get them talk from each other's behind when they are trying to get close to you or you make them question their ties with people. Which I absolutely dislike. I think it is also the fact that many Fe users are social first or second. Ugh. Worst thing is they never leave their circle and it is cute that they can't anyway so they live in their bubble thinking they are super important while in fact noone may care about them at all.


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## NTlazerman (Nov 28, 2014)

Fe teams up, yeah, but that is more observable on younger, more immature persons who do not dare to say their own opinion (Ti) out loud. All Fe users still have Ti, which is very much non-conformal and invidualistic. High-Fe users might still have trouble to overcome Fe even when they mature. 

The key in those situations is not trying to get him/her to understand in a "feeling" way, but to try to reason logically or intellectually. Fe/Ti users rarely care how you invidually _feel _ about the situation, but might accept you better if you have some kind of explanation for it. 

When Fe/Ti gangs up on you, don't try to get them emotionally understand. Try to make them logically understand. It's kind of the reverse of Fi/Te.


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

NTlazerman said:


> When Fe/Ti gangs up on you, don't try to get them emotionally understand. Try to make them logically understand. It's kind of the reverse of Fi/Te.


You've got a point because the more I try to get them to emotionally understand the more they just see it as someone whining in the corner when I had legitimate reasons for feeling the way I did.


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

sah6635 said:


> Different sites I see suggest 20-25%, a significant number. I'm not sure if I can give you any advice here, as I like them, except find other people to hang out with?


did you really think that i would choose to hang out with them? they're my relatives and classmates.



> I might be out of my mind to think I can change your opinion


well when you put it that way



> but who are you preaching to?


Fe users.



> Any war between Fe & Fi only exists in people's minds.


denying a Fi user's experience isn't the way to go.



> Seriously, all types get offended


I didn't say they didn't just that Fi and Fe gets offended by different things, being ostracized won't make us want to align with the Status Quo.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

misfortuneteller said:


> did you really think that i would choose to hang out with them? they're my relatives and classmates.
> 
> 
> well when you put it that way
> ...


I'm not suggesting your personal experience cannot play any role in your subjective perception. However, if you are a teenager in high/secondary/prep school just know that teenagers suck in general. Weather the storm, now, and you'll find it much easier to get along with Fe users. Until then, 12-17 is when I experienced the most lonely times in my life as well as some great times with friends. Eventually it stabilizes.

Honestly, @misfortuneteller, your experience is common. If you are 40 years old, however, and still feel this way, I would suggest you must have a personality disorder. Just hold your head high and you can make through the nightmare known as adolescence.


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

sah6635 said:


> I'm not suggesting your personal experience cannot play any role in your subjective perception. However, if you are a teenager in high/secondary/prep school just know that teenagers suck in general. Weather the storm, now, and you'll find it much easier to get along with Fe users. Until then, 12-17 is when I experienced the most lonely times in my life as well as some great times with friends. Eventually it stabilizes.
> 
> Honestly, @misfortuneteller, your experience is common. If you are 40 years old, however, and still feel this way, I would suggest you must have a personality disorder. Just hold your head high and you can make through the nightmare known as adolescence.


I'm 23 and I meant my college classmates.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

misfortuneteller said:


> I'm 23 and I meant my college classmates.


Do you go to a small school? I will be more critical, though, as you should be past that 16 year old emo stage. Both Fe & Te 'syncs' with other types. Fe establishes mutual values and Te establishes mutual thoughts. These Je dominant users exist and it's something you just have to get over. As an ENTP, I side with the Fe doms because *spoiler alert* it is my tertiary function. Similar to you, I don't like it when an ExTJ makes a heavy Te statement and expects everyone to accept their opinion as fact. The same way that you may not like it when an Fe dom shows annoyance to you not wanting to change your feelings. There is nothing wrong with either, but it's important to adapt and be flexible. Most people have no idea what cognitive functions are so how could they change what is natural? So here's what I do with my ExTJ friends/colleagues who make Te-heavy statements: I nod my head, and ignore what they said. If they want to verbally spar, I will, and they will lose. You may not feel the desire to verbally spar, but you must accept Fe exists, it will never change, but individual people will become more enlightened. But instead of preaching to them, focus on yourself. By accepting that all types are equal, I no longer have these problems which is why I say the problem of acceptance is you, right now, @misfortuneteller.


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

sah6635 said:


> Do you go to a small school? @misfortuneteller.


it's a college... and it's a small class. 



> I will be more critical, though, as you should be past that 16 year old emo stage.


but i'm an INFP lol



> These Je dominant users exist and it's something you just have to get over.


I don't remember stating that i had any issues with ExTJs....



> Similar to you, I don't like it when an ExTJ makes a heavy Te statement and expects everyone to accept their opinion as fact.


when did i say that... 



> it's important to adapt and be flexible.


^ is giving me Fe advice.



> Most people have no idea what cognitive functions are so how could they change what is natural?


when did i say that they should change? most of us just want to be left alone, asking someone to change is more of what a Fe user does as you have proved above. 



> focus on yourself.


that's what i mostly do...


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

misfortuneteller said:


> it's an college... and it's a small class.
> 
> 
> but i'm an INFP lol
> ...


I was using an analogy. Te vs Ti is similar to Fe vs Fi. I've had to deal with same conflicts except mine are conflicts of thought as opposed to conflicts of value. Telling you to learn to adapt to others is universal. If you want to read it and say "I'm Fi, I do what I want, it's all about me." just know that people of all types, learn to work with others, the same way Fe doms, learn to understand that other values are important than group values. Hopefully, you haven't convinced yourself that you are the mature one in that class.


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

@sah6635 so... let me get this straight, you don't want me to expect others to change but at the same time you want me to try to change, even when i explain to Fe that isn't the way to go about it, they still can't comprehend it smh.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

misfortuneteller said:


> They don't understand that you can't offend Fi in the way that Fe would be offended.
> 
> Fe users please understand that attempting to alienate a Fi user will only make their case more stronger and don't attempt to guilt-trip us by saying how we are making other's feel, it's ineffective and it will make you look like a d*** in their eyes they won't second guess themselves like how Fe will or burst into tears because everyone feels this way about them.


And you have written this very emotional post because...?


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

Dyslexicon said:


> Well, it is my third function, and as an enneagram 9 I don't really like obtrusiveness myself. :tongue: But thank you, I'll definitely take that as a compliment!


But of course!  




> Also, it's not that I can't understand that Fe can feel a certain way and seem annoying and obstrusive, I can also feel that sometimes. I would be more likely to feel that way about Te though. If in a group with heavy Te using people I can get all "Whoa, what the hell are you talking about, can't you see it's much better to view it like this? Why would you want to do it this way? *suspicious eyes* Leave my precious logic alone and don't expect me to conform to your rigid, unwaterproof ways! *eyes manic now* Efficiancy is the end I tell you, it's what killed the cat and what sinks ships! *foams*" but then my Fe will be all "I want us to work together, don't be mad at me, I'll just do it my own way and smile, don't look bai".


Oh hells no! Now you're going to bring Te/Ti into it? 










haha, seriously though -- what you described about how you feel around a group of Te users is almost EXACTLY how I feel when I'm surrounded by Ti users. Seriously, I'm not really joking when I say that Ti makes me want to cry sometimes. I'm like "What the hell are you talking about? And how the hell did you arrive at that conclusion? Witchcraft?!"  

But for some reason I actually understand your logic (now! haha, not in the beginning) and @hawkataine's logic more than I do most Ti types. 



> Erm. Anyway. What I was trying to say is that at least attempting to understand the functions that tends to push your buttons and understand why it does that can be helpful to interact smoother with people that differ from you. If this is something you value, then putting the effort into trying to understand and appreciate the functions for what they are is worth it. Not everyone is going to be best friends all the time (sadly ), but at least things can get a bit less annoying and confusing sometimes.


And yes, I agree with all of this. That's one of the things that I've found to be most helpful about MBTI and interacting with people of all different types here. I can't claim that I have a full understanding of Ti quite yet. Or that I have developed a wonderful relationship with my ISFJ mother or my former ESFP boss. But putting in the time to a) understand why they see and do things differently from me b) figure out how to approach those differences in ways that maintains my personal needs and boundaries without being intolerant of theirs and c) learning to appreciate the strengths (not just the challenges) of other cognitive functions, and how our opposing functions might actually compliment each other -- that's only been to my benefit. You ENTPs seriously drove me nuts when I first started to interact with you -- but now I think I'm a little bit in love with you guys :happy:. But that's only because I put in the time and effort to try to get to know and understand how you function (as a type) better, and to get to know you as individuals as well. 

I know that a lot of Fi users are most bothered by Fe, but quite honestly the Te/Ti thing is still probably my biggest bugbear. I've learned to accept/tolerate it a bit more over time, even though it still has me going "WTF! Seriously? WTF?!!!" a good portion of the time :wink: 

But I'll go back to my point that I think a lot of how it gets expressed is going to depend on the user's other functions and their level of maturity and emotional health/self awareness. So you can have a completely overbearing ISFJ type who is almost completely unaware of how oppressive and manipulative they can be in how they use their emotions, but then another ISFJ type (like some of the ones I've met here) who are aware of the potential for Fe gone wrong, and make an effort to manage their emotions in healthier ways. Same with ESFPs. My ESFP boss was driving me absolutely crazy. By understanding his congitive functions better I learned how to communicate and manage him better (discovered that it was better to just TELL him what I wanted or was going to do rather than attempting to collaborate with him in talking through an issue or plan). But it still was not my ideal working situation. But I've met ESFPs over here at MBTI who are smart, mature, and enjoyable to collaborate with (hi @Siouxsie!), so again -- the risks associated with a particular personality type/cognitive function is not inevitably going to express itself in every member of that type or in every situation. 



> Except Ne, naturally. We all know Ne is as soothing and calming to anyone as God's grace itself. :ninja:


hahah! But of course! Ne is the best function of all!!!! 










(although I know some people who might say No!Pe :crazy


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Razorgirl said:


> lackofmops said:
> 
> 
> > Erm, typism?
> ...


I would agree that typism is part of the fun but forum rules would disagree. But instead of reporting it I believe the OP's typism gives a license to insult. That is what she wanted, after all; not real dialogue.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

@misfortuneteller,you could have worded it very differently,then you'd be taken as seriously discussing Fe and Fi.
But no,you just sounded like you're venting,because you care,or trying to start a war,because you care.

And I don't care what you say about Fe,if you read 5 of my random posts you'll see I don't mind looking like a bad guy,I just think this thread is really stupid because it doesn't teach anyone anything(even though the subject behind all the nonsense is not bad)


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

misfortuneteller said:


> I know that i'm going to get a lot of slack for saying this but wow i really, really, really hate when Fe teams up. It's the worst thing on God's green earth. People who i didn't say anything to suddenly have a huge grudge against me because i tampered with the harmony within a group or i offended someone and they are butthurt on their behalf, even as a Fi user i can get annoyed when someone gets butthurt on their own behalf, but it makes way more sense to me than being butthurt on someone else's behalf, even if it's someone they just met. Most women are SFJs so i can see why it's such a common occurrence now, MBTI really cleared that up. In general ExFJs tend to think they know what's 'best' for everyone which i find to be arrogant. I admit that i do prefer the IxFJs cause they are less full-on but then they remind me that they are just like them when i see how they deal with conflict. It's like this Fe circlejerk, it's painful to watch and even more painful when you are in the middle of it. It's like they are poking my Fi with a needle and they're just waiting for me to retaliate and when i do, then it's all my selfish Fi's fault. I have noticed that FJ's don't really get the concept of 'retaliation' cause they are overly thinking about other's feels, they tend to get theatrical and use words like ''you're always like this'' or ''nobody likes you'' such absolutes. They don't understand that you can't offend Fi in the way that Fe would be offended.
> 
> Fe users please understand that attempting to alienate a Fi user will only make their case more stronger and don't attempt to guilt-trip us by saying how we are making other's feel, it's ineffective and it will make you look like a d*** in their eyes they won't second guess themselves like how Fe will or burst into tears because everyone feels this way about them.


So misfortuneteller (interesting username by the way ^^) I was too lazy yesterday and too busy chatting with my friend Dizzy to really respond to your actual post. Sorry if that was rude. 

If you read my responses to @Dyslexicon, basically that sums up my response to your original post. Believe me, I get it. I've been in the middle of an Fe attack and it ain't pretty, and it's hella frustrating. But I also know that I've unleashed my Fi pretty frighteningly on unwitting victims many a time myeslf. The point is (as I made in my other posts) if we don't take time to understand ourselves and how we operate in the world, the functions can be a bitch, regardless of what they are. Understanding WHY someone might react the way they do and responding to them in ways that open up communication rather than shutting it down. I think the key is finding ways of communicating to these Fe users who frustrate you how their behaviour makes you feel, as well as setting your own boundaries in those relationships and sticking to them. From my experience, that's the best way to arrive at the case of acceptance, being able to actually not care if they see you in a certain way, because you've come to a place of being true to yourself. You being annoyed at them for caring the way they do, wanting them to be different from what they are -- how they think about and see the world -- is basically doing the same thing to them that you're accusing them of trying to do to you. Don't expect them to put more effort into understanding you than you are willing to put into understanding them. 

Now, I might be a bit unusual for an Fi user, because I've come to realize that my Fi is probably heavily influenced by Fe. And I'm a type 2, which probably is a factor as well. So maybe that's why the Fe/Fi thing doesn't bother me as much in general (it does in specific cases, but not as a general hot button issue) as much as it does for other xNFPs. I think I understand where the sentiments are coming from a lot of the time because I care about how people feel as well. Part of my Fi value system is that everyone deserves respect and kindness, so when I see disrepect and unkindness going on, it's one of those things that can often arouse my Fi inner bitch (that's what I call her -- she's really a puppy, but she can growl pretty menacingly when her hackles get raised!). But I also grew up with a mother (ISFJ as I mentioned before) who constantly tried to saddle the burden of caring for everyone else's wants and comfort above my own needs/feelings/values/boundaries. It's something I had to disentangle myself from later on in life -- to be able to be true to my own core values, rather than the values imposed on me by my mother. Meaning, that while I care about other people's feelings, I'm also not going to ignore my own needs and I won't take responsibility for their feelings. I learned to set boundaries with people, be really clear about what I will and will not accept responsibility for, while at the same time working to see their point of view and coming to a place of compromise when necessary. If we really want to be in relationship with other people in a meaningful way, where neither one holds power over the other, then attempts at mutual understanding and compromise are essential. 

Okay, that's my long-ass response. Hope it was helpful to you in some way.


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## Twitchie (Apr 2, 2015)

The original post is dumb. I realize I suck at dealing with people. I don't try to control or convince other people to understand me and know how they should be dealing with me. The only thing I get to control is me. I'm dumber for reading this thread.


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## Necrilia (Jun 26, 2011)

nichya said:


> I am only surprised that they were actually up front with you, Fe circles I know usually operate on tons of -gossip- They are all nice when someone is around then whenever that person is missing they are always gossiping about them which makes me -really- uncomfortable. Not even real problems but I think, and as they support this with their words actually, they think they are part of something and so cool and others are basically either weird or banal. I swear these people have no idea of checking themselves in the mirror either. My INFJ circle seems to feel inferior to sensors and thinkers a great deal, so if you take one of them out to be with such group, they feel awkward and inferior but whenever they return to their group they are like, oh they are such banal people, I know I am being arrogant but I have no interest in talking to them, I find them very simple. while in fact what happened is noone gave a single damn about them and they were actually pretty much invisible in the group. I love how they interpret things and how much they -need- each other, lol. and their group, I don't know what is in their head but is pretty much normaloid and very banal as well, especially my INFJ group loves to talk about pricetags, expensive and shiny stuff and take mac filter photos as opposed to what is portrayed to be in the MBTI book, they don't even seem to know each other that well and it doesn't take much to get them talk from each other's behind when they are trying to get close to you or you make them question their ties with people. Which I absolutely dislike. I think it is also the fact that many Fe users are social first or second. Ugh. Worst thing is they never leave their circle and it is cute that they can't anyway so they live in their bubble thinking they are super important while in fact noone may care about them at all.


You're generalizing. 

According to your story, one thing could be concluded:

- That INFJs are shallow.

Maybe some, but I know at least two who aren't. Anyway, why are your conclusions about MBTI types so generalizing and insensitive to the variety of people's personalities, which is much more vast than MBTI system of classifying them?

I don't think I'm super important. There may be some INFJs who are arrogant and think highly of themselves, but guess what - just because a few of them act that way, doesn't mean all of them are like that. 

Most of INFJs have a facade (that Fe) because they don't want to be discovered. They don't want people to know their core self (carefully nurtured by their Ti, especially if it's more developed), what they really are, because they don't want a negative feedback (Fe) and they often get a negative one whenever they say something that is true (often from Fi types). Their core may be very disturbing to many people.

Just because INFJs have core values in themselves, doesn't mean they have to put them out there, in fact - it isn't something that would help them achieve their goals, amongst other things.

Learning more about cognitive functions could be very helpful and may make you realize why one is acting in a certain way that you just can't grasp.
Once you recognize that kind of behaviour (that Fe), just stop and think why that person's behaving that way. There are always good reasons behind everything - sometimes disappointing, sometimes uplifting.
You can't always expect to be positively surprised.
And you can't base your conclusions on negative outcomes.


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

Twitchie said:


> The original post is dumb. I realize I suck at dealing with people. I don't try to control or convince other people to understand me and know how they should be dealing with me. The only thing I get to control is me. I'm dumber for reading this thread.


Aren't you in control of your own dumbning too? :kitteh:


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## jinhong91 (Apr 29, 2014)

Lizabeth said:


> Aren't ou in control of your own dumbning too? :kitteh:


Touche. I still don't know how they do that "e" in touche properly.


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

jinhong91 said:


> Touche. I still don't know how they do that "e" in touche properly.



yeah, I've been trying to figure out how to put accents on my letters in here myself. When I'm faking fluency in French, I can never fake it well enough without the accents :sad:


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

@Dyslexicon 
Thanks for tagging me and asking for my input, I'm one hell of a ranter when it comes to Fe. :V

My main issues with strong Fe users aren't too dissimilar from op albeit they seem to be more prone of avoiding to understand that levels of health and learning to understand completely different mindsets can be a really helpful thing. I grew up around abusive or forceful Fe so I can understand how hard and frustrating it can be, strong Fe users are still able to paralyze me (those who say that EXFJs can't be extremely aggressive or manipulative haven't been around one of them at their worst) but learning how it works can help in dealing with it. Even if you're a heavily soc-lacking Fi-dominant. 

1. Fe tends to be extremely pushy.

There's no denying that it's something extremely common, especially from a strong Fi perspective, as Fe users tend to seek external harmony so making sure that the mood is shared by everyone is very important to them, whether it's positive thinking or imposing their unhappiness or annoyance on others. Especially when it comes to enneagram heart types. What works for me is simply withdrawing from the situation or simply stating my boundaries and that I need time alone or I simply don't feel like participating.

2. Fe can be extremely nosy.

Fe users often want to be aware of what's going on in people lives and comforting those who seem upset, it's not necessarily out of malice and it's often fueled by genuine caring but if you're anything like me and you have the emotional openness of a technological safe full of federal documentation, it can be hard to deflect or dodge those questions without being an ass. Especially if very forceful and fueled by good intentions. Again, I've learned to simply explain that I don't want to discuss the issue and I need time alone, withdrawing and dealing with it on my own or with someone I feel comfortable to be around.

3. Fe is very judgmental/"knows" what's right.

This is something I've noticed in Fe + Ni users but not necessarily. Sometimes my issue with Fe users is that they tend to jump at conclusions and provide instant advice that they feel like is helpful for my situation but I perceive or as very general and not exactly related to anything I was saying, as if they weren't listening to a single word I said. I appreciate honesty and criticism but if I choose to open up with someone on my own terms, the last thing I need is to be judged or to hear sermons about what I'm supposed to do, what other people normally do or that I have to think positively at all costs. Of course, this is not necessarily a Fe issue and many healthy Fe users don't act this way but generally I've noticed a certain... morally righteous and dismissive element in some xNFJs that makes me a bit uneasy. I like to receive feedback, honesty, understanding and support so I tend to be very upfront although it's hard for me to vocalize deep personal feelings. Likewise, I've noticed that a few Fe users don't like my "what do you personally feel is right" approach.

4. "You should smile more".

I'm not very physically expressive, really I'm not. I can talk a lot, smile and be goofy with people I'm extremely close to like boyfriend or friends with whom I have a deep intimate bond but those are rare and I can come across as very spacey, awkward, angsty, serious and a bit melancholic. Sometimes I worry about not showing enough appreciation because I don't exactly giggle or have strong reactions in most cases, I remember years ago listening to a song very important to someone with a completely straight face and them taking offense to that. I'm not sure what I should have done? That was my natural reaction, doesn't mean I didn't understand how deeply meaningful that moment was. I used to get asked a hundred time if I was alright/upset/paying attention on a daily basis and that's very annoying too.

5. Fe wants you to agree with them at all costs.

Oh boy. I have extremely strong opinions and a set core of beliefs but I don't really feel a need to impose it on others or even debate it unless it's something that touches me personally or I'm coming across as very misunderstood. Even then I understand that there'll always be differences in opinions and unless it's something that I perceive as very morally wrong (racism, homophobia, justifying murder/rape/bullying, mockery of mental illness and so on) I know that I can like a person without having to agree with every word they say. Even in extreme cases, I'd rather cut them out of my life than fighting a pointless war to change the mind of someone else, even more so if they refuse to listen since they have a right to have their own opinion just like i have my own.

6. Group think.

I don't like group think, I'm strongly individualistic and hate all forms of piloted judgment and ganging up on someone.

7. Pity/Sympathy/Being offended on others behalf.

I can genuinely understand the intent, it can be very noble but I personally hate to be babied and even if I like to be protected sometimes, it's very important that I fight my own battles and stand up for my own self. If something doesn't offend me, I don't want someone else to state on my behalf that something is indeed offensive and other people should stop saying it. This also goes on a broader political prospective, I hate when people become "the voice of a certain minority" and speak over individuals of that same minority who dissent since they don't know better. Also if I'm really depressed or pissed off, "awwww poor you" is only gonna make it worse. XD

But. BUT. These are just general traits that can be understood and worked on by both parties.
There's a lot of things about Fi that can piss another person off and I'm always interested in listening to feedback, understanding and recognizing my negative tendencies just so that I can work on them when I perceive them as harmful and when they make me feel like I'm not acting according to what I believe in, in this case respect for another person's feelings.

There's also a lot of healthy and amazing Fe users, like Dizzy right here or @Lady Lunar or @Undoubtedly or @Chesire Tower who are definitely nothing like this or willing to listen and improve. I might have my own issues with Fe but hopefully I'm not blind enough not to learn how to understand and appreciate it, typology can help me learn how to be less self focused and a tiny bit socially aware.


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

Hotaru said:


> @Dyslexicon
> Thanks for tagging me and asking for my input, I'm one hell of a ranter when it comes to Fe. :V
> 
> My main issues with strong Fe users aren't too dissimilar from op albeit they seem to be more prone of avoiding to understand that levels of health and learning to understand completely different mindsets can be a really helpful thing. I grew up around abusive or forceful Fe so I can understand how hard and frustrating it can be, strong Fe users are still able to paralyze me (those who say that EXFJs can't be extremely aggressive or manipulative haven't been around one of them at their worst) but learning how it works can help in dealing with it. Even if you're a heavily soc-lacking Fi-dominant.
> ...


Wow! *amazed and impressed by the organization and thoroughness of your post*

You give us perceivers a good name, girl! :wink:


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

Hotaru said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> ...


But it's not Fe you hate - it's Fe gone wrong; just like I loathe Fi gone wrong. Neither is better or worse. At their best, both are soul empowering and at their worst, soul destroying.

I grew up Fe deprived. My dad had healthy Fi being a very caring ENFP but my mother was an extremely disturbed ISTJ and she had less Fe than a slug; so I'm coming at it from the other end of the spectrum. It was always about what was best for her -eventhough she saw things otherwise, she emotionally neglected me. So, while I understand that you suffered terribly at the hands of extremely unhealthy Fe, it is the emotional disturbance rather than Fe which was the culprit.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Hmm ppl are discussing this a lot it seem.
I don't really care about the direction it has taken so far so I will just answer the OP.

All extroverted functions lack proper boundaries.
Hence Fe lack boundaries in the sense of values, all vaues encountered is flooding in at the same time.
What seems to the Fe user to be the most charged value of the moment is adhered to.
This doesn't mean that Fe can't stick to a value as values can contain charges over time.
However Fe is very attuned to what is the dominant charge so to speak.
Fi on the other hand is a closed garden around the value.
The boundaries are locked and bolted and the values will be intact trough any storm.
This doesn't mean that Fi can't go in and change the value,
after all it is a way to reason about the worth of things.
It isn't a static this or that on either end of the E/I spectrum.
It is a process of reasoning, just with very different levels of boundary setting.

Now being a Fi dom myself, I have a natural affinity towards Fi.
Yet does that mean that having the boundaries is better?
No it doesn't, it is merely different.
Cause I have levels of conciousness like Se and Te where I have zero boundaries outwards.
I just accept what is there and let it flood me on the sensory and factual level.

The problem don't start before people have different takes on this and are in competition.
Suddenly these different boundary settings create all sorts of issues.
Both claim to hold the highground with their particlar setup.
In actuality none does and hence whoever controls the status quo on a social level gets to
push their view down everyone elses throat.
A culture is after all just a stalemate of different perspectives.
What is decreed into law is just the same. 
Subcultures are safe havens for the outcasts in this sense.
If you want to get rid of Fe move to a Fi culture.


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

Lizabeth said:


> Wow! *amazed and impressed by the organization and thoroughness of your post*
> 
> You give us perceivers a good name, girl! :wink:


I'm learning how to kick that Te into action.

I still have trouble being so organized when put on the spot but this was something I mulled on for a while. Thanks 



Chesire Tower said:


> But it's not Fe you hate - it's Fe gone wrong; just like I loathe Fi gone wrong. Neither is better or worse. At their best, both are soul empowering and at their worst, soul destroying.
> 
> I grew up Fe deprived. My dad had healthy Fi being a very caring ENFP but my mother was an extremely disturbed ISTJ and she had less Fe than a slug; so I'm coming at it from the other end of the spectrum. It was always about what was best for her -eventhough she saw things otherwise, she emotionally neglected me. So, while I understand that you suffered terribly at the hands of extremely unhealthy Fe, it is the emotional disturbance rather than Fe which was the culprit.


I agree and this is why I specified that there's different levels of health and I hate any kind of generalization as a person is an individual before being a set of letters or functions. There's Fe gone wrong and there's terrifying, vengeful, "black and white vision" unhealthy Fi. I know I've dabbled into that in the past and it wasn't pretty at all, it made me feel conflicted and ashamed of myself although at the time my own hurt feelings made me see my damaged morals as right for me.

Emotional neglect is something I'm often guilty of, I withdraw, I don't approach, I withhold and it might make another person feel very hurt, even more so if a Fe user (I have less Fe than a slug too although I hope I'm reaching higher levels of health as my life is moving forward). Of course those behaviors are still present in slight ways but that doesn't mean that Fi and Fe cannot find a bridge and learn how to understand each other without compromising their own values and their own perspectives.


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## Twitchie (Apr 2, 2015)

Lizabeth said:


> Aren't ou in control of your own dumbning too? :kitteh:


Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice shame on me. In future, I know better than to open OP's threads. :frustrating:



Lizabeth said:


> yeah, I've been trying to figure out how to put accents on my letters in here myself. When I'm faking fluency in French, I can never fake it well enough without the accents :sad:


For l'accent aigu, I press CTRL (control) and ' (apostrophe) at the same time, then the letter e. Which gives me é. 

CTRL + ' + e = é 

For l'accent grave, I press CTRL and `(you know the wavy button next to the number one?) at the same time, then the letter e. 

CTRL + `+ e = è

For l'accent circonflexe, I press CTRL and shift and ^ at the same time, then the letter e. Which gives me ê. 

CTRL + SHIFT + ^ + e = ê 

For la cédille, I press CTRL and comma at the same time, then the letter c. Which gives me ç. 

CTRL + , + c = ç

Ummm... and le tréma, I press CTRL and shift and colon at the same time, then the letter e. Which gives me ë. 

CTRL + SHIFT + ; + e = ë

But that's just for PC. I have no idea how it works with MAC's. As you can see, adding accents is really easy.


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

Twitchie said:


> Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice shame on me. In future, I know better than to open OP's threads. :frustrating:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Merci beaucoup! But it doesn't seem to work on my Mac :sad:


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

mikan said:


> @misfortuneteller This sums up my life problems.
> .


I'm glad that you can relate.



> Please tell me you're my twin.


Well, we do have the same leading function.


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

@Hotaru They're not exactly helping themselves in this thread. They're just proving my point. It's sort of pathetic, really.


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

misfortuneteller said:


> @Hotaru They're not exactly helping themselves in this thread. They're just proving my point. It's sort of pathetic, really.


I'm sorry, but have you actually read anythng that we fellow Fi users have written about balance, communication, and compromise? 

Not trying to start a fight, but your response seems somewhat narrow to me.


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## Dragheart Luard (May 13, 2013)

@misfortuneteller I think that the main issue here is that you're dealing with immature people, and the fact that they use other functions make the gap worse. Any person can be an asspain if they're not healthy, so the only advice would be to take some distance from them if it's possible. They know how to harm you, so it's better to not give them more chances for doing that stuff.

Anyway, I know that both Fe and Fi can be poisonous if they're unhealthy, just that bad Fi isn't alien to me unlike bad Fe, so I know how to counter it better if I detect some red flags, while toxic Fe makes me cringe and arguing against it is a waste of time.


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## Necrilia (Jun 26, 2011)

misfortuneteller said:


> is it a Ti thing to pluck words from thin air? if i didn't say it, i didn't mean it.


This is getting offensive. I think I'll have to adapt to your level now.


Both Te and Ti users would notice the same thing - that you are being hypocritical.

If that's too harsh fact for you or if you can't deal with it or just don't want to, then...

Excuse me, but what are you doing here?


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

Necrilia said:


> This is getting offensive.


It was just a question.


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## Necrilia (Jun 26, 2011)

misfortuneteller said:


> It was just a question.


I think you don't make any sense and that you're a senseless person.

^ That was just a sentence.


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## girlinthemoon (Nov 12, 2013)

misfortuneteller said:


> It was just a question.


A question dripping with implication, which is obvious. At this point you seem most interested in being petty and I have to agree with @Merry in Sunshine's sentiments.


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

girlinthemoon said:


> A question dripping with implication, which is obvious.


based on their input in this thread, they seem to be making a lot of assumptions about my original post claiming that it's anti-Fe or how i'm trying to tell the Fe users what to do.


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## Dyslexicon (Mar 9, 2013)

misfortuneteller said:


> based on their input in this thread, they seem to be making a lot of assumptions about my original post claiming that it's anti-Fe or how i'm trying to tell the Fe users what to do.


You did ask Fe users to understand this and don't do that right here:



misfortuneteller said:


> Fe users please understand that attempting to alienate a Fi user will only make their case more stronger and don't attempt to guilt-trip us by saying how we are making other's feel, it's ineffective and it will make you look like a d*** in their eyes they won't second guess themselves like how Fe will or burst into tears because everyone feels this way about them.


Anyway, if you pay attention, you may realize that what I actually am assuming is that you were more so expressing yourself than actually commanding Fe users to do these things. However, I'm trying to point out how what you are writing comes across. 

_You _are making a lot of assumptions about what people (supposedly) using Fe are doing. I believe you are wrong in many of these assumptions, for example the assumtions that Fe using people are trying to alienate people. You have expressed your disagreement. I have concluded that you wish to pass blame for how you feel on Fe as a function and reject anything that does not validate this view, and I'm officially done with this thread. I hope that you and the people you seem to have trouble interacting with can find a way to understand each other better.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

misfortuneteller said:


> based on their input in this thread, they seem to be making a lot of assumptions about my original post claiming that it's anti-Fe or how i'm trying to tell the Fe users what to do.


Honestly, we'd probably have a good ol'time in real life. My original point is that you preaching to clueless Fe doms is useless, because they are ignorant of personality types. My original suggestion still holds: Since you are the one who understands how this works, you are responsible for how you respond. Your classmates are ignorant, unfortunately, but you are not. That is why I compared it to how I deal with Te doms/auxs. I inwardly ignore their judgment and I will sometimes humor it publicly. I work in the corporate world and I am surrounded by J-types. I hear Te commands and opinions all the time and I've learn to not only deal with it, but appreciate it too. All 8 functions serve a useful purpose. Your Fi serves a special purpose in your life and society (useless to me, but I'm a fucked up guy). Don't change who you are, by any means, but I implore you to not create fantasies that you can change the way people act, especially since they have no idea that they are different from you.


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

misfortuneteller said:


> View attachment 303042
> 
> 
> 
> This, should have stayed a thought.


I care  

And obviously you do too. Like a lot. Otherwise you would have abandoned this thread a long time ago. 

But I'm realizing that you're really not interested in having an open discussion about this issue, one that you and others might be able to learn and grow from. Basically you're intersted in having people validate your point of view and tell you that you're absolutely right, people are so unfair to you, and they deserve to burn in hell for being so mean. (Feeling a Taylor Swift song coming on...)

Which is cool for you, I hope. But like I said before, if you keep taking yourself so seriously, life is going to be pretty damn hard. Good luck with it.


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

ferroequinologist said:


> Not really. Fi is not about telling others what to do, but about telling self. Fe tells others. This is one of those things the people seem to misunderstand about the extraverting vs introverting judgments. Extraverting judging (and in this case, feeling) is about telling others--extraverting--how they think they should behave, feel or do or think. Its goal is to inform and mold others' feelings, not self's. Self is just a side-effect, and most likely an unconscious one (because Fi is super-shadow for them--my own word). Fi is about informing or molding one's own feelings, and informing or molding others is an unconscious side effect (that super-shadow Fe).
> 
> In fact, I would surmise that the biggest misunderstanding/mistake that Fe types make towards Fi types is a presumption that the Fi type is trying to inform or mold the other's feelings, when this is absolutely not the case. In fact, there is nothing more confusing to me (or even upsetting) than to be accused of this, or to be misinterpreted in this way. I know how it feels to have others attempt to manipulate me or force me to conform to their desires, and I can't really bear the thought that someone thought I wanted to do that to them. But all-too-often, this is how my actions are interpreted. Your feelings are your own. Your emotions are your own, and they are your own responsibility, not mine. Why would you _want_ me to affect that? Why would you be willing to _let_ me affect that? I honestly cannot see the value of it. And this is true when I unconsciously have this sort of impact through my actions--which people call passive-aggressive behavior--but it is not conscious on my part--or rather, seldom is. I can't honestly think of times I purposely set out to act in a passive-aggressive manner. Although I do know that my actions have been perceived as such. I don't like it, don't feel comfortable with it, and feel quite confused and hurt, even, if what I did is taken that way. Sadly, when that happens, I also often feel like I've then being manipulated to "withdraw" my actions, or worse, apologize--again, an attempt, from my perspective, to manipulate me for their emotional benefit. And while I may comply externally, I still have a strong sense of betrayal. If someone does this to me often enough, they may find themselves cut off from me entirely. Don't attempt to manipulate me. I let you have your feelings, kindly allow me the same privilege. But strong Fe types simply do not understand this. They will always attempt to bring you on board with their feelings.
> 
> ...


Kind of tired, but I said i'd reply in full, and I know you were waiting for it? (I know, right? :wink so I feel kind of obliged to follow through. 

There are several problems with your post here, as well as with the original poster's. And despite the Fi stereotypes, I usually do try to be quite gentle in sharing my opinons/criticisms (must be my damned type 2ness), but I'm too tired to do that right now so forgive me if I resort to being blunt. 

One of the main problems is that I'm seeing a whoooole lot of hypocricy here. And it's not an Fi/Fe thing. It's a lack of self awareness thing. But if you're not ready to see it, me explaining it to you isn't realy going to make you see it. But I'll try anyway ('cause, why not? )

I've seen this so many times on this forum by people of various types who feel that it is their god given right to blunt and to state their honest opinion without sugar coating. And yes, that is your right. But then it seems hypocritical to me for you to then turn around and say "Oh my god! How DARE you criticize me for being REAL, y'all! HOw DARE you call me rude and sensitive. YOU'RE being rude and insenisitve for calling me rude and insensitive. But you shouldn't be so sensitive about me being insensitive to you". 

The other problem with these kinds of posts, is you're assuming that all behaviour comes from the same source, and different sources always result in different behaviour. But trust me: Fe can be controlling and Fi can be controlling. The motivations/processes might be different, but the end results can be the same. Same (as I pointed out before) with the whole blanket statements about Fe being caring/nurturing and Fi being selfish. Pisses me off to no end when I see people claiming that ENFPs are selfish because they're Fi users. Guess what? Some ENFPs are selfish. Some of them actually give a fuck about how other people think and feel. We might not have the exact same motivations/drives/thought processes as most Fe users have, but the end results can be the same. 

I'm just annoyed (yep, that's my Fi kicking in) with the simplistic approach that some people are taking to this topic. But hey, if that's how you want to live your lives, seeing things in black and white and ignoring the beautiful complexities of life and individual differences, then more power to you. 

And for the record, "Just deal with it" is totally an Fi sentiment  

Basically it says: Hey, whatever. I'm not going to try to fix the world for you, so you're on your own there. 

Oh...but maybe I'm just responding this way because really an ENFJ and totally not an Fi user....?

(hears everyone who knows me snicker and guffaw at the thought :laughing


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## Lizabeth (Aug 3, 2014)

Dyslexicon said:


> I know right XD
> It felt so awkward to me, and I was worried I was being too rude. That feeling was probably strengthened by me being all 9 and not wanting conflict, but it's funny just how much it felt not natural to me. So it's ironic that this is the post that was picked out.
> 
> Also, do you want me to become like you? :shocked: You must be turning Fe then, cause clearly that is what all people that possesses Fe wants! :crazy:


Me? Fe? NEVAH! :shocked: 

Oh, but I will turn you Te one of these days, oh yes I will! :wink: 



> And I'm sorry for getting pissed off, but I'm getting pissed off. At least this thread highlights some of the differences between Fi/Te and Fe/Ti communication. :tongue: I'm so happy to see some people working towards understanding, and I'll keep on trying to do the same.


Umm...Fi/Te communication is AWESOME and that is so not the issue in this thread! If anything I think it's lack of well developed Fi and Te that is causing the friction. Don't you dare slander my cognitive functions!    

(And don't you dare accuse me of being "so Fi" with that comment! )

(sorry, tired and loopy...probably should not be internetting when I'm in this kind of space )


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## ESFP100 (Apr 6, 2015)

Have not been able to retain any friendship with strong Fe users. The most successful friendship I have with Strong Fe is a very nice and decent INFJ. But she made me cry several times in my own bedroom (she would never know this). All other Fe ex-friends would all of a sudden shut me out, regardless how warmly and generously I treated them as a sacred friend. Even missing a gathering would trigger them to alienate me. Who cares, I have several good friends that I feel connected with and they are ESFPs, ISFPs, ENFPs and ISTJs. I noticed they are all Fi users!!!

You guys believe or not, almost the only problem I have with my INTP husband is my Fi and his Fe. (therefore we usually get along very well and rarely have frictions). I have learned to respect his space when he needs his lone time (it is firmly in my value system) and I can always find different ways to entertain myself. But when it is our "intimate" time after our son goes to bed, i.e. we agree to watch a movie in the tv room. I feel it is relaxing for me the meanwhile to arrange my clothes, or folding laundry, etc (something simple to keep me from sitting in one position for a long time, or maybe I'd like to touch the fabrics, not sure). Oh, he gets mad at me every single time. accusing me of not participating, cold, remote, not paying attention to the movie nor him, you name it, while I feel I was at peace and relaxed while sitting next to him watching a movie. Later he told me, he was a bit tired and wanted to go to bed, but since it was "our time", he made himself to participate. I said you should have told me, it is fine that you wanted to go to bed early. I would totally respect and understand it.

Guess what I am going to do? I am going to make "respecting each other's needs" as a common ethical code in this household. Now he should be able to get it!!!


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## Kebachi (May 27, 2014)

ferroequinologist said:


> Aaaaand so we have the typical Fe response to things...
> 
> I thought you said that Fe is all about harmony and lubby dubby things... sheesh.


But...isn't that the Fi response to things? I thought obvious statement was obvious.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

This thread has been closed.

Subjects like this tend not to promote an intellectual discussion, and rather one that ends up in various personal attacks. As this thread has.


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