# Are you more dominant or submissive?



## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Being sexually submissive is something I can't do for the life of me. And I can let go and receive like a total woman, but try and use force of any kind, and game over.

As for other kinds of dominance, I get a lot more intricate and artful with it if I really care. I won't push or charge like a tank if I am really interested in someone. I will watch them be themselves for a while, lick my lips, notice details..and, you know, eventually just..take over and devour. If I am lucky, of course. But it's nice when you find out the hunger is mutual.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

freyaliesel said:


> It's not necessary though, I can be in a sexual relationship where neither of us is dominant or submissive, though I naturally tend to towards the submissive. I am, however, completely incapable of being dominant. And believe me, I've tried. It just doesn't work.


Awwwww...

And I called you 'master'

haha


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## freyaliesel (Mar 3, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> Awwwww...
> 
> And I called you 'master'
> 
> haha


Haha, outside the bedroom, I am quite happy to be called mistress > I like to be in control in all aspects of my life, except one XD


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

freyaliesel said:


> Haha, outside the bedroom, I am quite happy to be called mistress > I like to be in control in all aspects of my life, except one XD


Well, it was all a game In the real game, I call no one master, to be fair.
That's just fucking cute though.
Womenz <3


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

I DO NOT like dominant guys at all.

I'd rather be the one to take the lead, and he be my side-kick (not always).

Ideally, more like my equal, but I still like to be like the louder one.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

strawberryLola said:


> I DO NOT like dominant guys at all.
> 
> I'd rather be the one to take the lead, and he be my side-kick (not always).
> 
> Ideally, more like my equal, but I still like to be like the louder one.


Prepare for at least twenty new friend requests.


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## kristle (Oct 21, 2010)

I'm capable of being both dominate and submissive. It completely depends on the guy I'm with. Similar to other aspects in my life, I take control when no one else is filling those shoes successfully. 

This is going to sound terrible, but I tend to dominate what I would call weak men and feel safest when a guy is strong enough to make me feel submissive. And I'm not talking muscle strong enough, it's a type of aura. Self-confidence backed by action.

It's always fun to have a guy squirming under the pleasure you're giving him, but it's only fun out of anticipation for that moment he can no longer hold back and pins you down to go crazy on. I'm in control of 99% of my life. It's nice to have a reason and place not to be once in awhile. That's the kind of guy that makes me weak.


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## Ezra (Mar 19, 2011)

Fizz said:


> It's Sex *&* Relationships. That it could apply to both. Don't assume I know what you're specifying. Clarify.
> 
> Relationships could be outside of sex, people have referred to platonic relationships in this section.


Ahhhh I assumed relationships = sexual. I did mean sexual.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Ezra said:


> Ahhhh I assumed relationships = sexual. I did mean sexual.


Yeah, being clear usually helps, we had a thread that asked about how everyone "liked it in bed", the entire thread turned into a discussion about beds, mattresses, and pillows. These people are _weird_.


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## chibs (Feb 24, 2011)

SyndiCat said:


> Prepare for at least twenty new friend requests.


you crack me up... seriously


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Ezra said:


> Ahhhh I assumed relationships = sexual. I did mean sexual.


Then what would the Sex part mean, exactly?


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

SyndiCat said:


> Prepare for at least twenty new friend requests.


That would be a shame if that was the only reason anyone wanted to be her friend, and if she suspects that then I would advise her to deny the requests.


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## kallisti (Oct 7, 2010)

Within a relationship, as equal as possible. "In the bedroom", dominant-leaning-towards-switchy. Depends.


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## Elwin (Feb 17, 2011)

I'm dominant.


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## Humilis Curator (Feb 26, 2010)

I am dominant but I like to cause pleasure, I like to dominate through pleasure not by just my own physical force but by inducing so much pleasure for the female that I gain control that way.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

I'm only interested in an equal sexual relationship. No dominance or submission for me.


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## Magenta (Apr 5, 2011)

Dominant. Whether through nature or nurture, I don't know. I suspect I was naturally dominant, but a constant parade of weak men in my life, and watching my mother have to do everything, led me to reinforce my dominant nature. Sexually dominant; switch, if I happen upon the right partner.


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## Skund (Mar 1, 2011)

I'm would call me a switcher and it would be nice to have a more kinkier sex-life :laughing:


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## SullenAesir (Apr 10, 2011)

Both, but lately more submissive, mainly because I'm lazy more often than not.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> That would be a shame if that was the only reason anyone wanted to be her friend, and if she suspects that then I would advise her to deny the requests.


Thanks. :happy:I hardly ever check in with these threads. To clear up any misunderstandings, when I meant loud, I was not referring to anything sexual.

I initially took whatever was said in response as a joke. It's all good.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

SullenAesir said:


> Both, but lately more submissive, mainly because I'm lazy more often than not.


I don't think being sexually submissive is the same thing as being lazy..


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## Vic (Dec 4, 2010)

Not at all. Giving and relenting are actions.


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## Space Cat (Nov 20, 2010)

I am really submissive... :blushed:
Tho not to the point where i need to ask my partner's permission to take a piss. I prefer if there's freedom and trust given so that it will come naturally to me.
I love to be pleased


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

i cant think of anything less appealing than a man who cant be dominant in the bedroom. a man who encourages me to push some boundaries, and takes me out of my comfort zone and throws in a bit of playful 'abuse', is a big turn on. i think i am quite demanding in bed with high expectations, so therefore i need a man who is more dominant and challenging and provocative and dangerous than me, or who can at the very least match me, in order to sustain my interest, respect and level of desire


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I love for my soul to be penetrated by my alpha.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

submissive=lazy? lulz..

I love the yielding..;P


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Submitting is more work than people seem to think it is.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@Eerie, I wouldn't know, dollface;P

but that's some *hot* work..


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## Dental Floss Tycoon (Apr 4, 2011)

Dementia in Absentia said:


> I'm only interested in an equal sexual relationship. No dominance or submission for me.


I'm like this. But I happen to be sort of lazy and I expect to be pleased. Sometimes I may be I bit dominant.


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## Vic (Dec 4, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> I love for my soul to be penetrated by my alpha.


Good point.

I'm firmly a beta male but still dominant when it comes to my mates. Breaking rank, I suppose.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

To me, submission in a way is a gift. It requires total trust, it's a beautiful thing.


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> I love for my soul to be penetrated by my alpha.


i quite enjoy to be on the receiving end of a bit of penetration myself :wink:


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## Vic (Dec 4, 2010)

Eerie said:


> To me, submission in a way is a gift. It requires total trust, it's a beautiful thing.


This is perfectly expressed.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Depends, inside the bedroom or outside the bedroom?

I'm naturally dominant outside the bedroom. I like to be sexually submissive. As @Fizz said it's a way to balance things. It's a way to really let go and trust instead of making things happen all the time. 

I like being sexually submissive because I like dropping all the goals and just allowing my world to be played with. I like relying on other people, handing over some power to make things happen, and since I don't have a regular habit of doing that in my clothes-on life, it's wonderful to get it in bed.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@sparkles your "world", aye?

nice touch;P


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> @sparkles your "world", aye?
> 
> nice touch;P


 Haha well when it comes to sex, good sex affects my whole world ;P


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@sparkles imma use that as a pick-up line, lulz

'baby let me play with your world'

;P


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> @sparkles imma use that as a pick-up line, lulz
> 
> 'baby let me play with your world'
> 
> ;P


 Report your findings!


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Report your findings!


Always.Sexual anthropology is my craft;P


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Kr3m1in said:


> sparkles imma use that as a pick-up line, lulz
> 
> 'baby let me play with your world'
> 
> ;P


Dave Matthews coined it long ago in _Crash_:



> Oh when you come crash into me yeah
> And you come into me
> And you come into me
> 
> ...


Hawt :blushed:


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Dave Matthews...*rolls eyes*

who's he?..


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Kr3m1in said:


> Dave Matthews...*rolls eyes*
> 
> who's he?..


 Oh, sorry. He's my boyfriend.


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## s0n1c800m (Dec 6, 2010)

Oh, goodness...

It really depends on who I'm with, but _as a rule_, I prefer to be more dominant with women and more submissive with men when I play those sorts of games. And though I like to play pretty rough and thoroughly enjoy it every now and then, this does not make up the bulk of my sex life.

Most of the time, I just like mutually affectionate, sexy fun in bed.


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## Cubie (May 3, 2011)

*Im dominant all the way, it's just who i am in a relationship i have to be the one in control.*


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## Peacock (Mar 11, 2011)

I like to dominate when it comes to foreplay, but when it comes to sex I like to be dominated. 
I guess that probably comes from the fact that I can either come off as a very confident person or a very self conscious person. 
I have both of those personalities.... so I enjoy both in different ways.


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## Unicorntopia (Jun 18, 2010)

I am dominant at first and then once I have relaxed and learned them to a point, I submiss. My favorite though, is when both are doing both at the same time. It is like there is a semi taught rubber band between the two of us, in a circle connected at the mounth and groin, just being being tugged and contorted in all different directions. I most definetely like a back and forth. 

Wow, that sounds totally only sexual but I mean it in many other forms as well.

Edit: and I guess I forgot to mention a very important note: I absolutely hate it when another person insist on being only one or the other and/or cannot be one or the other.

This one guy I recently dated was 100% dominant in bed. I got so bored so quick. He was really good but I don't care. I did not want to be his little incapable girl that can't do anything for herself or make any decisions on her own. It almost insulted me that he would not back off on the extent of the actions to meet me half way. It made me realize what he thought of women or others in general.. I did not stick around long enough to find out which.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Unicorntopia said:


> I am dominant at first and then once I have relaxed and learned them to a point, I submiss. My favorite though, is when both are doing both at the same time. It is like there is a semi taught rubber band between the two of us, in a circle connected at the mounth and groin, just being being tugged and contorted in all different directions. I most definetely like a back and forth.
> 
> Wow, that sounds totally only sexual but I mean it in many other forms as well.
> 
> ...


100% dominant, eh? Interesting. I've never dated someone who was 100% dominant, though I did date someone who was 100% submissive and that was just totally lame for me.

Oh wait, I kind of did date someone who was mostly dominant in bed, but not the kind I like. I like...responsive dominance. It's a dance, a two-way communication, not a broadcast. (For clarification I'm speaking of general patterns not D/s here.) I can't explain what I mean but there's a big difference between dominance with receptivity or thoughtfulness, and dominance where you just feel like a set of orifices. (Even that, isn't so bad once in a while, for spice.)


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

I'm a dominant woman and I'm nothing like what is said in that article. I'm a _real_ dominant woman, no partner has ever dominated me. Ever. Psychologically or sexually. They have tried and failed. And do you know what I hate?
Men seem to think that my dominance is a shield and they try to break it using weak psychological approaches (like asking and trying to mend trauma from my childhood to get me to expose vulnerability). Hahah, they just can't accept that I'm not hiding anything and this is who I am and if theyre not going to get down on your knees, I'm going to force them there.


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## z5500x4 (Dec 7, 2010)

I never really thought about it, but I think I'd be the one doing the tying.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

The13thGuest said:


> I'm a dominant woman and I'm nothing like what is said in that article. I'm a _real_ dominant woman, no partner has ever dominated me. Ever. Psychologically or sexually. They have tried and failed. And do you know what I hate?
> Men seem to think that my dominance is a shield and they try to break it using weak psychological approaches (like asking and trying to mend trauma from my childhood to get me to expose vulnerability). Hahah, they just can't accept that I'm not hiding anything and this is who I am and if theyre not going to get down on your knees, I'm going to force them there.


Fascinating. I wouldn't say there's necessarily something like "real" dominance, to me anyway. From what I understand, in places where you can pay for some D/s play, lots of the subs are power people outside that context. 

So do you date submissive men, or men who are also dominant so there's a constant power struggle?


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Fascinating. I wouldn't say there's necessarily something like "real" dominance, to me anyway. From what I understand, in places where you can pay for some D/s play, lots of the subs are power people outside that context.
> 
> So do you date submissive men, or men who are also dominant so there's a constant power struggle?


 I date based on the person, dominance and submission are only one part of the person. It seems that dominant men are a bit more fascinating though. I can pick out and recognize little parts of a person, put them together to see the whole, then rip them all apart to create their submission to me. But I don't require or even like mindless submissives, even for bedroom purposes. They tend to lose my respect that way. I don't want a spineless person who is submissive to the whole world. I want someone who wants me and trusts me so much that they are able to allow themselves to become completely submissive to me, "lay at my mercy" type deal. 

And the more complex and difficult they are to break, the more fascinating. I love a challenge.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

The13thGuest said:


> I date based on the person, dominance and submission are only one part of the person. It seems that dominant men are a bit more fascinating though. I can pick out and recognize little parts of a person, put them together to see the whole, then rip them all apart to create their submission to me. But I don't require or even like mindless submissives, even for bedroom purposes. They tend to lose my respect that way. I don't want a spineless person who is submissive to the whole world. I want someone who wants me and trusts me so much that they are able to allow themselves to become completely submissive to me, "lay at my mercy" type deal.
> 
> And the more complex and difficult they are to break, the more fascinating. I love a challenge.


Interesting... 

I've seen an alpha male type transform into a kitten around me. It was pretty interesting, but I wouldn't say I was trying for that either.


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Interesting...
> 
> I've seen an alpha male type transform into a kitten around me. It was pretty interesting, but I wouldn't say I was trying for that either.


Awe, that's pretty cute.

That's never happened, although there have been a few who would act dominant around me just because they wanted to play the game of being broken into a submissive. I am not fond of that, I don't like it when it's a silly little game. I'd rather they just be themselves from the beginning instead of acting like someone else. Sigh. But whatever~!


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

The13thGuest said:


> I'd rather they just be themselves from the beginning instead of acting like someone else. Sigh. But whatever~!


I know right? I agree.


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

sparkles said:


> I know right? I agree.


Hahah, I think most agree. Fake behavior is quite unnatractive-- although some people who do foreplay may act as someone their not and their partner could be aroused by it. But that is all just vanilla sex, hahah.
I do wonder why this world is so unpopulated by the dominant female. I suppose it is fairly unaceptable behaviour to most cultures, I mean, most religions veiw the female to be submissive. But I really don't think it would affect the nature of the female, I think one is born with a certain personality and how you are raised and your enviornment only change the development of your personality. Perhaps more females are just born submissive, or maybe it is half and half but some women had to learn to be passive and manipulative to acheive their dominance, thus identifying themselves as submissives... It really is a mystery to me!

But just look at that poll! Only 7 dominant females... Pah! There are more submissive males than dominant females on that poll, it almost angers me!


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

The13thGuest said:


> Hahah, I think most agree. Fake behavior is quite unnatractive-- although some people who do foreplay may act as someone their not and their partner could be aroused by it. But that is all just vanilla sex, hahah.
> I do wonder why this world is so unpopulated by the dominant female. I suppose it is fairly unaceptable behaviour to most cultures, I mean, most religions veiw the female to be submissive. But I really don't think it would affect the nature of the female, I think one is born with a certain personality and how you are raised and your enviornment only change the development of your personality. Perhaps more females are just born submissive, or maybe it is half and half but some women had to learn to be passive and manipulative to acheive their dominance, thus identifying themselves as submissives... It really is a mystery to me!
> 
> But just look at that poll! Only 7 dominant females... Pah! There are more submissive males than dominant females on that poll, it almost angers me!


 Ha, I didn't answer the poll because I have different clothes-on and close-off tendencies. Dunno what it's about. You could argue it's social conditioning, but I was a bossy friend at age 5, so :wink: I didn't even read the OP article so I don't know if it applies to me or not.

I like the challenge of being around a dominant person who's trying to "tame" me. I also like to take on a more submissive vibe, though it doesn't happen much outside the bedroom. I usually shift back and forth between the different points on the spectrum, and I enjoy the dance of it.

Fake behavior irks me to no end, and I think it's pointless if your goal is more than a fling. It's unattractive when the person transforms into someone else later. But I do think it's probably true that everyone does this to some degree in the initial stage of attraction - I would not say that I use any fake behavior, I certainly feel like I'm genuine the whole time, but there can be a best-foot-forward dynamic at any rate.


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

My friend and I recently had this conversation:

Me: I wouldn't mind a man taking charge, being the dominant one in the relationship, as long as we're on the same wavelength.
Her: But listen to what you just said. You said you wouldn't mind a man being in charge as long as he does what you want.
Me: Well, _yeah_. It's like with BDSM, the sub is the one who is really in control, if it's done right.


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## Unicorntopia (Jun 18, 2010)

sparkles said:


> 100% dominant, eh? Interesting. I've never dated someone who was 100% dominant, though I did date someone who was 100% submissive and that was just totally lame for me.
> 
> Oh wait, I kind of did date someone who was mostly dominant in bed, but not the kind I like. I like...responsive dominance. It's a dance, a two-way communication, not a broadcast. (For clarification I'm speaking of general patterns not D/s here.) I can't explain what I mean but there's a big difference between dominance with receptivity or thoughtfulness, and dominance where you just feel like a set of orifices. (Even that, isn't so bad once in a while, for spice.)


He did stuff to me and for me but not with me. I most definitely felt underated even though he liked me a whole lot. When he has sex he reads the other person and makes all the decision (he was ENFJ). The ony way he knew how not to be in complete control was if it was for a specific isolated period of time that was faught for and then he expected the other person to be in complete control like he normally does. I prefer to do things as a team always for everything in life that cannot be done alone, like sex.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

The times when I like to be dominated sexually are few and far between. They of course happen, because I like to be different. But most of the time, I am honestly indifferent about how whatever happens unless it's something I really do not want. 

In all other aspects of life, though, I am extremely dominant.


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## Kriash (May 5, 2011)

I'm not an overly sexual person, and might actually go as far as saying I am asexual. But from the experiences I've had- I'm submissive. In regular social relations I am submissive as well, but not quite as much.


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