# Te bitchslap vs Fe doorslam (explained in my own words)



## Dedication (Jun 11, 2013)

Assuming people know each other well and are not strangers:

*Doorslam Fe-Ti*

Fe-Ti expressses emotions outwardly, thinks logically on the inside. If you hurt a Fe-Ti user in a social situation they will subtly remove you from the group so that you can think inwardly. This passive-agressive behaviour can be shown in subtle ways such as:

- Turning their body away from you, blocking you out of the group.
- Switching to another topic, one that you know little about.
- Engaging the other people in the group while leaving you out of the conversation

Fe-Ti punishment is subtle, passive agressive. A doorslam that will create some alone time so that you can use Ti to figure out what you did wrong.

*Bitchslap Fi-Te*

Fi-Te feels emotions inwardly and verbalise their logic. If you hurt them in a social situation they will let you know in a direct manner. Unlike Fe, they won't care how the other people in the group will feel about their words, they will force a verbal interactions about why what you did was wrong in a direct way such as:

- 'I don't like what you just did'
- 'Your behaviour X makes people feel hurt'

This is direct behaviour based on how the Fi-Te user feels.

*Take note that I'm downplaying Fe-Ti and Fi-Te behaviour, Fe can be a lot more subtle and Te can be a lot more direct.

*Conclusion*

Fe is like a doorslam, it gives time off so that you can 'think about it' and figure out what you did wrong (Ti).
Fi is like a bitchslap, it gives a chance to speak about it so you can figure out what you did wrong (Te).

Conflicts arrise when an Fe user forces the Ti function to be used on somebody that doesn't use Ti. Likewise, conflicts arrise when an Fi user forces the use of Te from an Fe user. Each type handles other people how they would like to be treated if they crossed the line.


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## I Kant (Jan 19, 2013)

Bitchslaming is the new doorslapping.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

l don't usually handle conflict well with Fi/Te. 

The second something goes wrong,we're on completely different pages with how to approach it. l can tell they want the real-time,'''passionate'' response right there(which can range from something laced with really nasty logic to an outright blowup).


l could always tell the ENFP l dated was ready to hurl personal insults at me when we disagreed about something and that is a _huge_ deal breaker in my book. He refrained from doing it because he knew it was a cheap shot but he slipped once.

l never really feel the same about someone after they resort to that. Everything is tainted.


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## WinterFox (Sep 19, 2013)

Wow, I can so relate to this post.
I have always wondered why I seemed to clash with certain mbti types such as ISFP and INFP etc. It seems like I am always trying to be the peacemaker while they are always trying to start war with me. I remembered there is this one girl who hates me a lot in the past, she is a self-identified INFP, she would insult me every time she sees me. I tried to be diplomatic and make peace with her, I even apologised to her, and she viewed this as being fake and she would insult me even more. Until now, I still have no idea why she hates me so much. :shocked:
I also had an ESFP doing the same thing to me, whenever we have a disagreement with each other, she will start attacking my entire personality and hurl all sorts of insults onto me. I am a loyal friend and I tolerated this behavior for five years until I decide to do the Fe doorslam on her and cut her out of my life forever. 
I think if the Te-Fi is a thinker, I can deal with their bitchslap better, though I still find their bitchslap annoying. 
But if the Te-Fi is a feeler, I tend to get annoyed by their bitchslap a lot, their bitchslap is totally irrational and doesn't make any sense. At least with xxTJ, their bitchslap still have a little bit of logic to it. With xxFP, when they bitchslap, their logic all totally disappeared and everything is about their anger and their emotions.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Eh, although I'm inclined to say you've hit on something, my experience is telling me otherwise. I knew an INFP who took the passive-aggressive doorslamming route and an INFJ who took the direct bitchslap route. So perhaps the approach is based in something a little more substantial than cognitive functions. Such as childhood environment, individual experiences, etc.


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## Violator Rose (Sep 23, 2011)

Dedication said:


> *Bitchslap Fi-Te*
> 
> Fi-Te feels emotions inwardly and verbalise their logic. If you hurt them in a social situation they will let you know in a direct manner. Unlike Fe, they won't care how the other people in the group will feel about their words, they will force a verbal interactions about why what you did was wrong in a direct way such as:
> 
> ...


I must agree, I have slapped one too many a bitch


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## Lurianar (Apr 17, 2013)

Marlowe said:


> Eh, although I'm inclined to say you've hit on something, my experience is telling me otherwise. I knew an INFP who took the passive-aggressive doorslamming route and an INFJ who took the direct bitchslap route. So perhaps the approach is based in something a little more substantial than cognitive functions. Such as childhood environment, individual experiences, etc.


I'm going to go on this route, too. I use the Bitchslap instead of the doorslam, so is an ESFJ friend of mine and my ENTP brother. On the other hand, the other ESFJ I know use the doorslam along with my best friend ISFJ.

So I don't believe the correlation is that huge. However, reading the answers might lead to a correlation. It's interesting


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Marlowe said:


> Eh, although I'm inclined to say you've hit on something, my experience is telling me otherwise. I knew an INFP who took the passive-aggressive doorslamming route and an INFJ who took the direct bitchslap route. So perhaps the approach is based in something a little more substantial than cognitive functions. Such as childhood environment, individual experiences, etc.


it's not a bad pattern, but obviously there are exceptions. i think personal experience and shaping/coping mechanisms developed in response to real life environmental conditions will override natural inclinations if they exist.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Jennywocky said:


> it's not a bad pattern, but obviously there are exceptions. i think personal experience and shaping/coping mechanisms developed in response to real life environmental conditions will override natural inclinations if they exist.


But are there enough exceptions to override the rule?


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## Lurianar (Apr 17, 2013)

Jennywocky said:


> it's not a bad pattern, but obviously there are exceptions. i think personal experience and shaping/coping mechanisms developed in response to real life environmental conditions will override natural inclinations if they exist.


Fair enough, hence why it'd be good to see if this pattern repeat itself. I do believe that the personality have a predisposition, however I'd be tempted to say that the environment have a much bigger impact. We'll see.


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## Dedication (Jun 11, 2013)

The Te vs Fe should only be taken without the percieving functions Ne, Si, Ni and Se. This is because (for example) an INTJ or INFJ could cut somebody off with if their Ni sees no potential in the relationship.


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## StephMC (Jan 25, 2011)

Dedication said:


> The Te vs Fe should only be taken without the percieving functions Ne, Si, Ni and Se. This is because (for example) an INTJ or INFJ could cut somebody off with if their Ni sees no potential in the relationship.


Agreed, I think this is especially the case in perceiving doms.


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## idoh (Oct 24, 2013)

Dedication said:


> Assuming people know each other well and are not strangers:
> 
> *Doorslam Fe-Ti*
> 
> ...


ok, I do the Fe-Ti thing all the time after major arguments... hmm doesn't work!


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## epicenter (Jan 8, 2014)

Marlowe said:


> Eh, although I'm inclined to say you've hit on something, my experience is telling me otherwise. I knew an INFP who took the passive-aggressive doorslamming route and an INFJ who took the direct bitchslap route. So perhaps the approach is based in something a little more substantial than cognitive functions. Such as childhood environment, individual experiences, etc.


I would do both. It really depends on how many times the person did what they did. In my house growing up, there was all out war-never polite doorslamming. Doorslamming was reserved for strangers. The other for family/friends. Sad, but true.


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## Ballast (Jun 17, 2013)

One thing I think is interesting is seeing how people with lower order Fi (ESTJs, INTJs, etc) handle these kinds of things. I think we can be somewhat renowned for our butthurt, and some of us just sort of shut down and brood. I know _I_ go into my Fi-cave when some emotional thing happens, usually to sort out my emotions (in large part because I feel embarrassed by them). I don't tend to want to blurt them out or let others know I'm upset until I've thoroughly thought through what my position is and why I'm having an emotional reaction. 

Because I believe my emotions must be extending from an official _position_ I take on something (whether philosophical or ethical or logical or value-based) and my emotions must always be consistent with these beliefs, I never want to appear inconsistent in my perspective by feeling something or acting out something that doesn't align with my perspective. But the butthurt still happens sometimes, and when it does I shut others out to organize my upturned mental furniture.

I notice that when lower order Fi people get butthurt, they try to get all self-righteous about what kind of person you must be to have done whatever you did to make them feel that way. Like _how dare you. _


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## typethisperson (Feb 4, 2017)

You're totally right. I think the doorslam is a Fe/Ti thing in that they become quieter in conflict and Te/Fi users become a lot more aggressive which is why it's the Te bitch slap.


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## MercurialLife (Mar 11, 2017)

i relate to the bitchslap. i confront people that annoy me. this guy in my class was constantly looking at me and laughing because i'm typically having wild reactions to stuff but i grew annoyed by it. I literally looked at him and said 'why are you laughing? what's so funny?' and HE KEPT LAUGHING AWKWARDLY lmaooooo or this boy in my class is CONSTANTLY referencing philosophy quotes and while i recognize that can be a good thing i burst out even with our teacher in class 'can't you come up with something on your own? why do you always have to reference what other people thought?' let's say that part of why i didn't enjoy philosophy as taught in school was that i had to argue using someone else's arguments and that always baffled me. I can form my OWN opinons thank u (philosophy is great as in expanding your vision but NOT as a way of thinking!)


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I know this is old 

But no there is holes

Yo hello, waves and rolls eyes. I wouldn't say like anyone in my life would call me passive aggressive. I struggle greatly with even navigating that. Seriously almost all my loved ones at some point have advised me to learn basically to be passive aggressive (not in those words). As far as learning to throw out insults and jabs more inadvertent to those who conduct themselves similarly. Because usually I get very taken a back and go all Ti until my Fe explodes or I just call something out in an incredibly uncomfortable way which is rather unrefined. 

Passive aggressive my ass. The only time I think that would apply is in my romantic relations but even there I don't mean like just anyone I have dated. I am thinking of like when I was married but a lot of it was actually hitting him up with a dose of his own medicine more so than it was my nature. This was several years in late in the marriage by the time I had stooped to this level. 

He was Fi/Te by the way. Although I did not always express my thoughts. I didn't just go around slamming doors. There was the time he called me a bitch when I was in the middle of grilling. So I told him I would show him what a bitch was and I grabbed his steak off the grill and chucked it to our dogs. 

If anything in my life I have been accused of being too flamboyantly blunt.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

Coburn said:


> Eh, although I'm inclined to say you've hit on something, my experience is telling me otherwise. I knew an INFP who took the passive-aggressive doorslamming route and an INFJ who took the direct bitchslap route. So perhaps the approach is based in something a little more substantial than cognitive functions. Such as childhood environment, individual experiences, etc.


I agree. It's an interesting theory but I feel like my experience doesn't match up. 

Personally, I'm Fi dominant and I rarely, if ever, make a direct or blunt confrontation with someone in a social setting. The INFPs and ISFPs I know are pretty conflict avoidant. I can imagine an E_FP possibly doing that, but... I'm not sure that's really their most frequent type of response either. Fi may not care about social propriety, but it _does_ care about the feelings of individuals (not just it's own) which means Fi people still care about and use tact, though not always in the same way as Fe people. It seems to me (granting of course that I certainly don't know the MBTI of every person I interact with or observe) that people with dominant or auxiliary Te are pretty direct and confrontational like that, but _not_ those who are Fi dominant/auxiliary. 

But moreover, it seems to me like Fe dom/aux people can be pretty direct (though perhaps more tactful in their wording) about things like that in social settings. Of course, they can also be passive-aggressive, but it doesn't seem to me like they stick exclusively to those kinds of tactics. And I definitely think Ti dom/aux people can be pretty blunt and unconcerned with social politeness. The _impression_ I get from TPs is that they don't like those subtle social-emotional games.


Ultimately, I feel like it's fairly complicated as to whether a person will make a confrontation or not, with many factors affecting it, and that it doesn't just come down to type, as others have mentioned, but that _very generally speaking_ Ts are more direct and blunt, and Es are a bit more likely than Is to openly address an issue they have (whether they do it tactfully or not).


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## Cherry (May 28, 2017)

I am fairly certain I have done both of those things in varying situations...I'm not sure what I think about the 'functions' - I think we aren't computers/programmes/robots.


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