# I need advice regarding my sister



## sudo (Dec 8, 2015)

I finally talked to her, but I am not sure it did any good. I hope I at least gave her a perspective that she hasn't heard yet. She wasn't very excited about talking about it. She just kept repeating that "no one likes her". 

Anyway, my suspicion that she might have been 'overreacting' a little bit I feel was accurate. I learned that her lunches got switched a week ago due to changes in her classes, and the friend that she had been sitting with at the new lunch period was out sick a few days, so she was sitting with a girl who sat with them (a friend of her friend)..that girl went to sit somewhere else leaving my sister at a table alone, the next day she found another table to sit at but complains she doesn't know any of them well, and that they don't talk to her.

As for the hallway thing...she wasn't targeted specifically - it was someone (probably some douchebag kid) who randomly stuck their foot out and she fell to her knees. She insists people were pointing at her and laughing, but I tried to reassure her it was likely all in her mind due to her embarrassment. I also demonstrated that it is a natural human reaction for a lot people to spontaneously laugh at pratfalls. I even illustrated this by falling unexpectedly to the ground myself to prove my point. Wouldn't you know it? She laughed. 

However, I couldn't really offer her any sage advice. She says she walks the hallways alone and no one talks to her. She isn't bullied or picked on, but she just feels utterly rejected. I could seriously relate to that..I was mostly a ghost throughout my school years, but the difference is I preferred it that way. My sister does not..she feels excluded.

I tried to explain to her that she's _not_ being excluded because she isn't participating in the social cliques. I attempted to encourage her to be more social at school, but she just fired back that she is and "everyone ignores her". She got mad when I said she was shy. Anyway, I eventually changed directions and apologized for trying to be an authority of the situation, and I told if her she ever needed to talk that I'd be there for her, I promised her that things will get better. I told her that growing up sucks for everyone, and that it's not always good to be apart of the herd. I was also truthful when I said that in order for her to fit in with a pack of teenage girls she'll have to completely change her personality and values. (I don't think that was registering though).

My honest opinion: I know my sister, I have observed her behavior, I know how highly sensitive she is. She is a very ethical and moral person, and she _is_ shy around large groups of people. I mean, she loves being active, socializing, plastering selfies on instagram, etc but she is very cautious and timid around large groups and people she doesn't know. I can just imagine her at school being too timid or afraid to walk up to a group of girls (even if she knows them) and try to socialize with them. The friends she relied on in the past that gave her access into these stupid cliques have apparently gone in different directions.

I feel for my sister, but I truly think if she makes a little more of an effort she could "fit in". In a way I am kind of glad she doesn't tbh, but I do hope she can find that special friend, you know? I hate that she feels so alone and rejected, but there is really nothing I or anyone else can do to change that.

I can only be a supportive brother. I am fairly certain it will get better. I mean, high school sucks for pretty much everyone. She still has a few years to go.


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## Glenda Gnome Starr (May 12, 2011)

Does she keep a journal? Having a private place where she can write out her feelings may help her.


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## hppygrl (Mar 22, 2015)

I'm betting that she's comforted in the short term by her negative thoughts (nobody likes me). But overall, these thoughts need to be balanced out with other (more neutral and or positive) thoughts that are also true. 

If I spent a good part of my day thinking the thought "Nobody likes me." I'd feel crummy too. It's actually really hard to stay in a good mood if you run that through your head without working with it. I'm not saying that changing that one thought is the one and only answer but I think it is a part of it.


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## Chicken Nugget (Jan 24, 2016)

I can remember a few girls from high school that vaguely fit her description. Usually, their problem is that they don't put enough effort into appearing amicable around other people. If she looks approachable, people will strike up conversations with her naturally.


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

sudo said:


> Okay, so my mom asked me if I could talk to my sister. I'm not sure why she wants me to talk to her, as I don't think I'm the best person for it. Apparently people at her school are being mean to her; someone tripped her in the hallway and everyone around started laughing, her friend apparently ditched her at lunch leaving her to sit at a table all alone, and she is just in a bit of social rut where she doesn't have anyone to relate or talk to. She feels like no one likes her and complains that when she does make an effort to talk to someone they either ignore her or just walk away.
> 
> At first I was taken aback, physically there is nothing wrong with her. She isn't fat, or too skinny, or ugly, or nerdy...nothing like that. She wears all the trendy name brand clothing, she likes all the music and movies the average teen does, she has an iPhone, instagram account, etc. There is absolutely nothing on the surface that hints that she would be an outcast or a victim of mean girl bullying. I don't get it! I recall back to when I was in high school, and literally all the kids who were bullied, ignored, had no friends, or ended up sitting alone in the cafeteria, typically looked like the outcast or "loser".
> 
> ...


Sounds like typical HS drama. A lot of times parents get upset about kids not being sociol enough in school which is honestly kind of stupid. Kids in school have terrible priorities and one of them is not "Getting good grades" and "Going to a good college". Its sex, drugs and rock and roll. Tell her eventually if she keeps getting good grades she is going to go to a nice college and have a future, and all the idiots who picked on her are going to regret it when they have to beg her for a job.


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## peter pettishrooms (Apr 20, 2015)

If ever I couldn't find people to relate to in school, I just went elsewhere to make meaningful connections with people. But surprisingly this was more of a problem in college rather than high school. I lived in a very touristy and multicultural area, so I felt more at home when I talked to people of different backgrounds like myself. It made my social life a little more bearable so I couldn't take too much focus off of my studies.


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