# Do you regret not studying harder in school?



## Tripod

Spoke to a friend regarding this today and he said he regretted being lazy and not studying harder to get better results in school exams as it's currently affecting his career prospects. I suspect not getting better grades is a common phenomenon since many of us don't mature that quickly anyways. 

Looking back, would you have pushed yourself harder to achieve better grades?

And would you push your child hard to achieve academic success and to be more academically-inclined, even if he/she isn't cut out for it? After all, it's a common saying that their future is at stake.


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## JTHearts

No I fucking hated school I don't care what it does to me, not studying was worth it.


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## puzzled

JTHearts said:


> No I fucking hated school I don't care what it does to me, not studying was worth it.


Thug life chose you.


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## flamesabers

I don't have any regrets about not studying harder in school. I got good grades in school, but by no means was I a consistent 'A' Honor Roll student who took only AP classes in high school. I don't mind school; there were some classes I enjoyed, others I didn't. I just never saw any reason to burn myself out by trying to achieve some sort of perfectionist standard in school. Looking back, I got good enough grades to get my MBA and to work in the field of my choice. I don't see how getting better grades would really have improved my current circumstances.


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## IncoherentBabbler

No. I regret not taking the time to explain myself, and my situation, better to my doctor and parents when they decided to medicate me. I also regret not finding a way around the limitations of formal education. Not studying "hard enough" isn't something I regret at all, at least not until University. Hell, even then I regret not having my attention span and living situation improved before taking my first class more than insufficient studying.



Edit: I didn't read the OP fully before responding. The above comment is mostly directed at the title of the thread.



> Looking back, would you have pushed yourself harder to achieve better grades?


No.

Studying for tests makes you better at passing tests. Learning a subject rarely comes from studying for school, imo. School merely provides a structure to aid in the learning process, if the teachers know what they're doing that is. Learn how to build that structure for yourself and home-based self-study should surpass formal education by leaps and bounds, if paired with some method of peer review (critiques, etc).



> And would you push your child hard to achieve academic success and to be more academically-inclined, even if he/she isn't cut out for it? After all, it's a common saying that their future is at stake.


Academic success is important if your career is academic in nature. Outside of that, school is more about developing habits and learning what you want out of life. Can you follow instructions? Are you able to finish a project on time, if at all? Are you interested in science, art, athletics, etc?

My career interests would have benefited far more from a strong portfolio, and self-made tutorials (for my own review), than good grades. If I had kids my first goal would be to pay attention to their personality and how their behavior changes from one day to the next. Learn about their interests, disinterests, and fears. I would do my best to create a home-based education outside of school, personalized for each child. Granted, this is all an ideal scenario that would depend on a few improvements of my own to even pull off.

Edit #2:

One last point I wanted to make.



> After all, it's a common saying that their future is at stake.


Every action puts the future at stake in one way or another. Sacrificing the present in favor of the future makes no more sense than the other way around. That's especially true when the person in question doesn't even know what they want from their future. I'd make sure a child receives a broad foundation, is exposed to even broader possibilities, and eventually shown examples of careers related to their apparent interests. This should provide some direction for self-guided learning. My top parenting priority would be to help them with their self-direction, formal education is a backdrop.


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## Tripod

JTHearts said:


> No I fucking hated school I don't care what it does to me, not studying was worth it.


Haha!



flamesabers said:


> I don't have any regrets about not studying harder in school. I got good grades in school, but by no means was I a consistent 'A' Honor Roll student who took only AP classes in high school. I don't mind school; there were some classes I enjoyed, others I didn't. I just never saw any reason to burn myself out by trying to achieve some sort of perfectionist standard in school. Looking back, I got good enough grades to get my MBA and to work in the field of my choice. I don't see how getting better grades would really have improved my current circumstances.


I'm relatively similar to you in this regard. My only contention here is I think it is possible for academic excellence to help improve an individual's life circumstances and possibly, even to open up doors to pathways they could only dream of (though I get your point that in some cases, the improvement may be minimal, if at all). Also, perhaps the difference (in improvement of life circumstances) could be minimal for somebody from a developed nation, but it could make a world of a difference for somebody in the developing world?

It can help a person to obtain scholarships, get into a better college/university, etc. There is a certain prestige to attending Ivy League universities for instance, and employers do tend to view accomplished scholars in a more favourable light - and are thus more willing to take a chance on these individuals. 



IncoherentBabbler said:


> Studying for tests makes you better at passing tests.





> Academic success is important if your career is academic in nature.


I think this is true only to a limited extent. Well-designed tests are such that they require you to be skilled in certain abilities in order to achieve high scores, rather than the test merely being a test of factual knowledge. These include the ability to analyze and to think logically and critically, the ability to recognize the applicability and practicability of a certain theory or idea in a specific context, including its flaws, ability to communicate and present thoughts with clarity, etc. All of which are important IRL. 



IncoherentBabbler said:


> School merely provides a structure to aid in the learning process, if the teachers know what they're doing that is. Learn how to build that structure for yourself and home-based self-study should surpass formal education by leaps and bounds, if paired with some method of peer review (critiques, etc).


I think the point is, many don't know how to do it on their own. Which is why we need schools and teachers or home tutors to aid us. I seriously doubt that many of us, at that age, would bother to learn how to build that structure on our own, especially if we don't see its necessity to begin with. It's unreasonable to expect a child, especially those who are less academically-inclined to do this out of their own initiative, let alone possess the urge to find like-minded peers to do it with out of school.


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## katemess

No. 

What I did in high school means nothing 3 years later. I put in enough effort to do well, but I didn't sacrifice a social life like some people did, and I kept the whole thing in perspective. 

No, I wouldn't push my child. Encourage, of course.


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## SilverFlames

I'm still in school and I regret not studying harder over the past few years... stressing over college application stuff isn't helping with that either...


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## angelfish

I regret taking highest-level classes and then slacking off on my work because I was so overloaded and miserable. In retrospect it would have been much better for both my social/extracurricular life and my academic life to have taken just moderately difficult classes and to have enjoyed myself more.


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## ArmchairCommie

I'm currently in my last year of high school but if anything I regret study so hard that my social life fell apart to shambles. Because of the fact that I was so focused on scoring the highest grades possible I forgot to enjoy life and enjoy time with my friends. I now regret all the missed opportunities I could have had hanging out with my friends instead of studying for a test that ultimately will not matter in the grand scheme of things.


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## bigstupidgrin

I had a really weird educational trajectory. I didn't study enough in high school to move onto a university, but at 18 I had no freakin idea what my career should have been and my social anxiety would have made me flame out of college. It was a good thing, eventually, that I spent years in school purgatory (community college) and mundane entry level jobs to teach me that wasn't good enough.


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## LandOfTheSnakes

Nah, happy with how everything's turned out so far. Studying harder would mean I would have had to sacrifice other aspects of my life such as my social life, improving my understanding of myself and developing self-awareness, and, perhaps a bit ironically, discovering my true passions. If I studied harder I'd probably still hate myself and my life and I'd probably die never actually being happy.


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## strawberryLola

I regret not being able to focus; I regret eating too much carbs (pasta can make a person really go blah); I regret not being one of those types of people who knew exactly from get-go what they wanted to do in their lives instead of wavering around and hoping to bump into something that sticks, and just finding everything so interesting, it's hard to narrow down.


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## Hidden from Sight

I'm still in high school. So far, I have attained a high class rank, but at the cost of a decent social life. I have also failed with interacting with the other gender, which, if not improved, will lock me out of many opportunities when I'm in my 20s. How fucked am I guys?


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## Tripod

Based on the responses so far, it seems to me that the camp that voted no (that they do not regret not studying harder in school) are either already relatively well-accomplished academically and have had a relatively smooth transition into the working world. And mostly regretted neglecting their social life while in school due to excessive focus on studying.

Whereas those who voted yes (that they regretted not studying harder) are feeling the brunt of a less-than-ideal resume and the consequences thereof.

In conclusion, there is probably a minimum level of grade achievement which we should aspire to achieve, to distinguish us from everyone else. Because it wouldn't be pleasant when it's time for us to be judged based on our paper qualifications. But if overdoing it on the academic side means that other aspects of our life would suffer, that's when we need to chill out a little bit. 

Nevertheless, I think that the consequences of failing grades are more severe than temporarily missing out on life during our schooling days. Hence, I generally argue for parents and teachers to push and encourage their kids to take academic performance seriously. Unless perhaps, the child falls under the small minority of individuals gifted with certain skills and abilities that will at once assure a bright future for themselves. 

It's a competitive world out there and life is tough for those who are down the pecking order.


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## floodbear

no but i regret not studying harder out of school


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## School

Yes.

Not because it matters - it doesn't, my grades are good enough - but because I love learning and I would've been happier if I studied more. Social life after school never made me happy, it was just a waste of time.


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## tanstaafl28

Not really. I didn't have to study harder. I just had to take it more seriously. I didn't (at least in high school). I made up for it in college and grad school.


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## WamphyriThrall

Eh, sometimes. I wouldn't have gone through so many hoops, otherwise. There's something about falling behind and having to prove everyone else (especially yourself) wrong. Maybe this is why I've always rooted for underdogs?

I suppose I could have done a bit better, without making too much of a sacrifice. I'm not a teacher's pet; never have been and never will be. Same for those advanced placement nerds who fret over which Ivy League they'll attend. It's not me.

There are probably more regrets related to friendships, emotional/mental health, and self-discovery.


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## PowerShell

Not really. If I could do it again, I might have chose some different classes to take. I was always an A-B student and took some honors and AP classes. When I realized it didn't matter, I switched to regulars and slacked my senior year. Because I did Youth Apprenticeship and the credits I received from that, I was like 2 credits shy of graduating after my junior year, so senior year was all shop classes besides English and AP government, which were required. In college I also got A-B grades but I was working full time so I guess that's not bad. For my MBA, I have a 4.0 but I'm only taking 1 class at a time.

Overall, there's a few things I wish I learned and a few classes I could have taken in high school that would have taught me it, but overall, I'm content with the amount of studying I did. It's funny because I do have some friends who were complete slackers in high school and said that they would try even less knowing what they know now because they realize they would have got away with more slacking.


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## Psychophant

I might in the future, but it's worked out surprisingly well so far...


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## Tripod

Katfeatherfoot said:


> Yes, I would have studied harder. Went out more, asked more girls out, made more friends, and really invested more time into my "college experience".
> 
> I went at it like an introverted gamer, spending most of my free time on MMOs with fake online friends.
> 
> I want a redo.


I enjoy RPGs and got so used to being able to save the game and loading to a previous progress point if the game doesn't turn out the way I want it. Imagine my horror the first time I made a major fuck up IRL and started to search for the load button, only to discover that there was none.


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## Introvertia

I do regret it, because now, 9 years later I want to return studying in the university of applied sciences, but I don't even get an invitation to the entrance exam, because my grades are painfully average. People with higher grades pass me by every year. I lost the right to raise grades, because it should have been done right after graduation, but I was in no condition to study (institutionalized for major depression). I know I have it in me now, to be successful in university. I've always had it, but I was distracted.

This year there's going to be updated system in the entrance exam, allowing everyone to participate in pre-selection exam, which is finally my chance to get in and prove how extensive my knowledge is and how I can apply it. I'm highly motivated and prepared. I've made a schedule for studying each area in different days for the next two months.


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## Prada

I try to not have any regrets in life. At school, I was always studying as much as I could and I don't think I ever had bad marks not counting uni. But my current uni is the most difficult around and I have big issues only with 1 subject. So I would say I'm not doing that badly.


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## voron

I regret a bit after every course/period. My grades aren't bad, fortunately, but they could be better with just little more effort. Why I can't study harder is mostly because I'm somehow rather uncomfortable at school and am also tired after a day and can't focus on homework that well.
Though, the uni I'm about to enroll is rather easy to get in so I don't have to be stressing too much about it.


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## Goya

No, I was actually a good student and had good grades. I regret my degree choice at uni, though.


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## Thomas60

Lol when you study hard, get the grades, and then get booped, that will dish out some contempt for the system


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## Mapple

Absolutely not lol. I'm sure my mom would have appreciated me studying harder... but lol just no. 

But I did fine in school and passed, so that's all that matters to me.


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## Dissonance

I regret not earning better marks on paper. I think I've made up for any missed learning since then.


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## bcjoy

I regret. I would have to study harder for myself, to have a better knowledge ( so I wouldn't have to work hard at work ). And maybe I would go to university...


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## Matt The Martian

Honestly, I did try hard in school, just not in the STEM fields, and I could never imagine myself being happy with a STEM job, despite the pay. Doing well in school isn't the only way to find a good job. It really is more about the connections you have anyways. You'll find a job that's good if you're not picky, and through resourcefulness that you'll learn over time in life. Struggling is the best way of understanding why you don't want to struggle and motivating you to get out of that struggle.


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## Xen9

No, school is a waste of time.
To be honest I should of not tried too hard


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## dragthewaters

No, I regret the opposite. Everyone around me forced me to make my life all about school and achievement because I was "the smart one." Literally from the time I was a toddler everyone was telling me I was "the smart one" and I don't recall ever getting complimented on anything as a kid other than my intelligence. I didn't really have a choice to do otherwise (well unless I wanted to be abused even more by my mother, the only reason I was the "golden child" sometimes was because of my grades and intelligence). But now at age 24 I have missed out on most of my life, I have spent most of my life socially isolated, and a large part of it can be traced back to academic achievement.

I never went to schools in my neighborhood because I was in the gifted program, and was not allowed to have extracurriculars in my neighborhood because "you should just focus on your grades," which meant no friends who lived nearby. My parents also wouldn't allow me to invite anyone over, except for rare occasions when I was in elementary school, because they were ashamed of our apartment (we were much poorer than my classmates and my mom also randomly ripped up half the carpet one day and then didn't get it replaced for three years). My brother, meanwhile, went to a neighborhood school, was in Boy Scouts, and was always visiting his friends from school who lived just a few blocks away. (I asked my mom if I could be in Girl Scouts and she refused saying "they just teach you to be a housewife.")

I believe that my mom was trying to turn me into a miniature version of herself. She is a very misanthropic and antisocial person. She socially isolated me and actively encouraged me to behave in a dysfunctional manner towards my teachers and peers. She shamed me for having any interest that wasn't related to intelligence and achievement (I remember once when I was around six years old she told me "If you had a 192 IQ you wouldn't even be INTERESTED in playing with Barbie dolls!" and I remember actually feeling guilty about it at the time.)

She even made me dress like a stereotypical nerd. I had to wear sweatpants and matching sweatshirts until I was 9, like a prisoner or mental patient uniform. Then from ages 10-13 or so she made me dress exactly the way she dressed...horrible shapeless baggy jeans, overly large t-shirts or sweaters, sneakers, and we even had matching fleece jackets. Along with both having wavy brown hair and glasses. She also forced me to have very long hair until I was 13 because she had always wanted long hair as a kid, even though I hated it. I had to beg her for like, a year straight to let me dress like a normal person before she even let me wear normally fitting jeans and shirts. And even then, dresses and skirts were completely out of the question until I went to college. She was also really obsessed with me potentially getting raped for some reason. I wasn't allowed to leave the house without an adult until I was 14 1/2, meanwhile my brother was going to his friends' houses by himself and staying out until 10 PM when he was 9 years old.

My high school, which was a public gifted high school, was a 1 hr 40 minute commute away from my house. So basically I was up at 5:30 AM and going to bed at midnight, with many demanding classes, demanding track practices (because you need extracurriculars to get into college!), long commutes, and hours of homework in between. Weekends were devoted to more homework, track meets almost every weekend, and exhaustion. My friends and I didn't even have much time to hang out outside of school except for during longer school breaks and summers. My life was completely joyless and empty and I wanted to kill myself, but no authority figures in my life gave a fuck because I had a 3.9 GPA.

Then when I went to college, I was forced by my mother to go to a college that was completely the wrong fit for me, just because it was "prestigious." There weren't many people there who I could relate to, so I only made a few friends there, and no lasting friends. Meanwhile I had a ton of friends back home and hung out with lots of people, but I was only home about four months out of the year, and the rest of the year I was basically alone 95% of the time. I wasn't allowed to transfer schools and my mother literally told me my choices were either graduate from that school, or get kicked out on the street with no money. She screamed at me for wanting to kill myself because it was just "drama" that would "jeopardize my education."

It's now been almost three years since I graduated and none of this shit paid off in the slightest. I have never made more than $27K a year and my degree is crap (molecular/cellular biology if you're interested) which literally nobody bothered to tell me when I had to choose my major at age 17 (I always heard "get a STEM degree and you'll be fine!" so I got a STEM degree....)

I am still friends with most of my high school friends and I also have many new friends and acquaintances that I met since I graduated, but I find it hard to make and maintain _close_ friendships because I was socially isolated for so long that I kind of got Stockholm Syndrome for it. I'm also married now but relationships were something else I missed out on in high school, as did most of my friends, because there really weren't very many options at the school we went to. I also feel pretty directionless in life since I was never allowed to make any choices for myself, so now I have no idea how to make any life decisions.

Basically my mom fucked up my life and the educational system was her enabler. I wish that I had had the opportunity to be my own person instead of having expectations forced on me by everyone just because of my IQ score. Studying is overrated.


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## Tridentus

Not really. I'm graduating from a decent level University. My report cards were always one of the worst in the year, because I felt totally disconnected to the academic curriculum. I perhaps should have gone to a top 5 University if I'd studied remotely hard- possibly oxbridge if I'd been a squeaky clean student.

But everything's still possible for me. The only jobs that require a top academic pedigree are careers which don't interest me- i.e. Law, Medicine, etc.


I'll put as much time as I can into assisting my kid through his studies, and helping their development will be a huge priority for me- but I don't think academic study is the only way to have "success" since definitions of success vary so much from person to person, and I'd have to wait and see what type of person they turned out to be, and then act as a facilitator to help them reach their personalised potential.


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## Heavelyn

JTHearts said:


> No I fucking hated school I don't care what it does to me, not studying was worth it.


What do you do, then? (May I ask about your job?)


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## JTHearts

Heavelyn said:


> What do you do, then? (May I ask about your job?)


I'm in college. I know that's weird if I hated school, but I'm talking about school up until college. Anyway, I plan to become a Investment Banking Analyst after I graduate from a university.


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## Hypaspist

I don't really encourage studying for career prospects, but for one's self. The right thing to do is to study and do as well as possible because very few academic doors will be shut. Even once you're done, the motivation to learn and habits you pick up while in school will carry over and you'll be just as educated and intelligent after school as you were during. Better to go through and do what you actually want to do and enjoy rather than than get shoehorned into a path because you can't do anything else.


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## Heavelyn

JTHearts said:


> I'm in college. I know that's weird if I hated school, but I'm talking about school up until college. Anyway, I plan to become a Investment Banking Analyst after I graduate from a university.


Ah... Thank you for response.


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## Misaki

Kind of. I was an honours student even when breezing by, but of course could have done better if I tried. Guess it matters to me more now that I actually care about my education - could have retained more from longer ago.


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## Morfy

Could've been a straight A student and bragged about it


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## Grandalf

Tripod said:


> Looking back, would you have pushed yourself harder to achieve better grades?


Absolutely. I'm competing against a bunch of high school kids to go to the best universities and ultimately join the 1%. I'm one of those people who believes that they're entire worth and well-being depend on going to an elite institution. 



> And would you push your child hard to achieve academic success and to be more academically-inclined, even if he/she isn't cut out for it?


This is why I wouldn't want kids. I can't just disown them as easily as a bad friend, former SO, or bad employee/employer. But if it came to that, yes.


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## Kerik_S

Not really. School was sufficient. The lack of extra "study ethic" didn't change my success in college or life in general


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## Hei

I could have been less lazy but I am still doing well for myself


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## aef8234

Anything below high school?
Fuck no, I learned nothing applicable.
I mean yeah, I know what pi is, but what I needed to learn was pie charts.
But I guess study techniques was useful, in the "outdated system that would be good if it was updated" sense.
Right now in college?
Maybe. Iunno, still in it.


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## POLYHEDRON

I have a really, really, really, really, really, bad habit of not looking back at what I did and could have done instead. I get in trouble for this. To me, its over, I'll live with the consequences.

I'm not sure. I'm not really striving to do much. Generally results to me, are just numbers. A reflection of how far away I am from society's expectations. In that sense, I do not necessarily care about myself and my position in society.


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## Violet141

No i never regret not studying harder. I was good in socializing. It was my positive point. If we get some marks not so good not so bad then no need for regret. But never let study before graduation.


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## starscream430

Coming to the end of my college career, I kinda wish I either held off doing science...or adapted quicker in my institution (I was a public relations / pre-med major). My public relations scores are good...but my science was lacking till recently. I still want to try for medicine (might as well since I put all this effort into it), but it'll take some time...and sacrifice in terms of my dignity (I have a few friends who are already getting ahead in life).


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## PowerShell

aef8234 said:


> Anything below high school?
> Fuck no, I learned nothing applicable.


My high school had a lot of shop classes so I learned a ton of practical things. Also had the CCNA curriculum for a computer networking class, which is basically what I do for a living (just about to log in and do IOS upgrades on some routers in a minute).


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar

Tripod said:


> Spoke to a friend regarding this today and he said he regretted being lazy and not studying harder to get better results in school exams as it's currently affecting his career prospects. I suspect not getting better grades is a common phenomenon since many of us don't mature that quickly anyways.
> 
> Looking back, would you have pushed yourself harder to achieve better grades?
> 
> And would you push your child hard to achieve academic success and to be more academically-inclined, even if he/she isn't cut out for it? After all, it's a common saying that their future is at stake.


Would be nice to have better grades, but I studies the hardest I could (that is barely).


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar

PowerShell said:


> My high school had a lot of shop classes so I learned a ton of practical things. Also had the CCNA curriculum for a computer networking class, which is basically what I do for a living (just about to log in and do IOS upgrades on some routers in a minute).


Holy shit! What kind of a high school were you in  ?


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## Anonymous Disaster

I do... I am in university now, but I see that my laziness and lack of organization are both keeping me back from acheiving my goals. Maybe if I would have mastered the art of hard work earlier in my life, I wouldn't find it so difficult later in my life.


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## PowerShell

Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar said:


> Holy shit! What kind of a high school were you in  ?


A high school in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin (Marshfield). It's ranked like #435 in the nation by Newsweek and like #2 in the state. Not bad for a town of 19,000 people.

This is the course catalog: http://www.marshfieldschools.org/cms/lib010/WI01919828/Centricity/Domain/58/COS handbook 16-17 6.pdf

They actually offer a lot more than when I went. I know there were like 25 AP classes when I went along with all the shop classes and stuff, but I now see they have pre-engineering stuff. Honestly, they had something for everyone. In addition to the CCNA classes, they also had Youth Apprenticeship that partnered with local businesses. I did it for IT (you could do it for a number of things like IT, welding, construction, automotive) and that's what started my IT career early and actually set me up with an employer I worked through college that paid half of my college.

My high school would be a good role model of what a high school should offer and how the variety of stuff it does offer can set pretty much anyone up on the path to success.


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## aef8234

PowerShell said:


> My high school had a lot of shop classes so I learned a ton of practical things. Also had the CCNA curriculum for a computer networking class, which is basically what I do for a living (just about to log in and do IOS upgrades on some routers in a minute).


The problem is mine had it as electives, so being an angsty teenager, I didn't take those classes.
Then again, can't really blame em for that.
Then again the required classes were meaningless rehashed shit from middle school anyways.
I guess, other than some of the science classes, those were awesome.


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## lookslikeiwin

No, what I regret is panicking about my lack of effort and spending all my panic exhaustion on daydreaming instead of sitting down and writing the damn novels I've had lined up since age 13. Admittedly though, they're a lot better now.

I would prefer a society more driven in getting kids out in the real world earlier rather than keeping them in school for so long though, so I don't regret my lack of attention in school as much. It would have been good, but I got through it just fine and it doesn't really matter now.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar

PowerShell said:


> A high school in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin (Marshfield). It's ranked like #435 in the nation by Newsweek and like #2 in the state. Not bad for a town of 19,000 people.
> 
> This is the course catalog: http://www.marshfieldschools.org/cms/lib010/WI01919828/Centricity/Domain/58/COS handbook 16-17 6.pdf
> 
> They actually offer a lot more than when I went. I know there were like 25 AP classes when I went along with all the shop classes and stuff, but I now see they have pre-engineering stuff. Honestly, they had something for everyone. In addition to the CCNA classes, they also had Youth Apprenticeship that partnered with local businesses. I did it for IT (you could do it for a number of things like IT, welding, construction, automotive) and that's what started my IT career early and actually set me up with an employer I worked through college that paid half of my college.
> 
> My high school would be a good role model of what a high school should offer and how the variety of stuff it does offer can set pretty much anyone up on the path to success.


Yeah, sounds nice.

My high schools were never-ending stream of shit.

First one was infested by bullies, which probably aggravated my health problems I had from going to primary school. Second and third were banal shit boring with literally nothing useful to learn. To me high school was big black hole. I think the only redeeming feature of the second one is that I met a few cool people there which I befriended.
And amusingly despite that the school was 3km away from my home, two guys from my class lived 10 minutes on foot from my home.

I'm currently in IT junior college but I can't help thinking that junior colleges are a scam. Vast majority of people finishing them doesn't get jobs in the field.


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## Noctis

dragthewaters said:


> No, I regret the opposite. Everyone around me forced me to make my life all about school and achievement because I was "the smart one." Literally from the time I was a toddler everyone was telling me I was "the smart one" and I don't recall ever getting complimented on anything as a kid other than my intelligence. I didn't really have a choice to do otherwise (well unless I wanted to be abused even more by my mother, the only reason I was the "golden child" sometimes was because of my grades and intelligence). But now at age 24 I have missed out on most of my life, I have spent most of my life socially isolated, and a large part of it can be traced back to academic achievement.
> 
> I never went to schools in my neighborhood because I was in the gifted program, and was not allowed to have extracurriculars in my neighborhood because "you should just focus on your grades," which meant no friends who lived nearby. My parents also wouldn't allow me to invite anyone over, except for rare occasions when I was in elementary school, because they were ashamed of our apartment (we were much poorer than my classmates and my mom also randomly ripped up half the carpet one day and then didn't get it replaced for three years). My brother, meanwhile, went to a neighborhood school, was in Boy Scouts, and was always visiting his friends from school who lived just a few blocks away. (I asked my mom if I could be in Girl Scouts and she refused saying "they just teach you to be a housewife.")
> 
> I believe that my mom was trying to turn me into a miniature version of herself. She is a very misanthropic and antisocial person. She socially isolated me and actively encouraged me to behave in a dysfunctional manner towards my teachers and peers. She shamed me for having any interest that wasn't related to intelligence and achievement (I remember once when I was around six years old she told me "If you had a 192 IQ you wouldn't even be INTERESTED in playing with Barbie dolls!" and I remember actually feeling guilty about it at the time.)
> 
> She even made me dress like a stereotypical nerd. I had to wear sweatpants and matching sweatshirts until I was 9, like a prisoner or mental patient uniform. Then from ages 10-13 or so she made me dress exactly the way she dressed...horrible shapeless baggy jeans, overly large t-shirts or sweaters, sneakers, and we even had matching fleece jackets. Along with both having wavy brown hair and glasses. She also forced me to have very long hair until I was 13 because she had always wanted long hair as a kid, even though I hated it. I had to beg her for like, a year straight to let me dress like a normal person before she even let me wear normally fitting jeans and shirts. And even then, dresses and skirts were completely out of the question until I went to college. She was also really obsessed with me potentially getting raped for some reason. I wasn't allowed to leave the house without an adult until I was 14 1/2, meanwhile my brother was going to his friends' houses by himself and staying out until 10 PM when he was 9 years old.
> 
> My high school, which was a public gifted high school, was a 1 hr 40 minute commute away from my house. So basically I was up at 5:30 AM and going to bed at midnight, with many demanding classes, demanding track practices (because you need extracurriculars to get into college!), long commutes, and hours of homework in between. Weekends were devoted to more homework, track meets almost every weekend, and exhaustion. My friends and I didn't even have much time to hang out outside of school except for during longer school breaks and summers. My life was completely joyless and empty and I wanted to kill myself, but no authority figures in my life gave a fuck because I had a 3.9 GPA.
> 
> Then when I went to college, I was forced by my mother to go to a college that was completely the wrong fit for me, just because it was "prestigious." There weren't many people there who I could relate to, so I only made a few friends there, and no lasting friends. Meanwhile I had a ton of friends back home and hung out with lots of people, but I was only home about four months out of the year, and the rest of the year I was basically alone 95% of the time. I wasn't allowed to transfer schools and my mother literally told me my choices were either graduate from that school, or get kicked out on the street with no money. She screamed at me for wanting to kill myself because it was just "drama" that would "jeopardize my education."
> 
> It's now been almost three years since I graduated and none of this shit paid off in the slightest. I have never made more than $27K a year and my degree is crap (molecular/cellular biology if you're interested) which literally nobody bothered to tell me when I had to choose my major at age 17 (I always heard "get a STEM degree and you'll be fine!" so I got a STEM degree....)
> 
> I am still friends with most of my high school friends and I also have many new friends and acquaintances that I met since I graduated, but I find it hard to make and maintain _close_ friendships because I was socially isolated for so long that I kind of got Stockholm Syndrome for it. I'm also married now but relationships were something else I missed out on in high school, as did most of my friends, because there really weren't very many options at the school we went to. I also feel pretty directionless in life since I was never allowed to make any choices for myself, so now I have no idea how to make any life decisions.
> 
> Basically my mom fucked up my life and the educational system was her enabler. I wish that I had had the opportunity to be my own person instead of having expectations forced on me by everyone just because of my IQ score. Studying is overrated.


My dad was kinda the same in a way. He forced me to sorta be a mini version of him, to dress super nerdy in tucked in polo shirts, round eyeglasses, slacks, combed hair like Tobey Maguire from Spider-Man, "nice shoes" and to get into Boy Scouts "because he wanted me to" rather than me wanting to do it or not, was heavy into the "study all the time, even on the weekends", which took out most of my social life. I had to suck it up and get to Eagle Scout rank with his so called "help", which was actually derision, impatience and condescension. I got A/B honor roll in elementary and middle school, as well as high school, but at a cost due to having such a strict father. My dad was very condescending when he "helped" tutor me in studying, such as giving me the facepalm, telling me he gave up if I didn't get a math or science problem, and being so strict that he didn't want me to act like a kid. I missed not having an equally strong social life in elementary, middle, high school and college because it was ingrained in me to "always be serious about my studies, no matter what" and that "school comes before play". I had a 3.98 GPA in senior year of high school, over a 3.5 in elementary and middle school I think. I did taekwondo starting in middle school, which I really enjoyed, but during high school my dad didn't even let me go more than once a week due to him being so stringent on school work. 

My mom kinda got onto my brother's ass by always wanting him to go into prestigious schools, including university and post university. My brother also felt my dad got onto his ass by trying to control what he was doing extracurricular, rather than what he wanted to do and was also impatient to my brother during study sessions.


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## Kerik_S

Noctis said:


> My dad was kinda the same in a way. He forced me to sorta be a mini version of him, to dress super nerdy in tucked in polo shirts, round eyeglasses, slacks, combed hair like Tobey Maguire from Spider-Man, "nice shoes" and to get into Boy Scouts "because he wanted me to" rather than me wanting to do it or not, was heavy into the "study all the time, even on the weekends", which took out most of my social life. I had to suck it up and get to Eagle Scout rank with his so called "help", which was actually derision, impatience and condescension. I got A/B honor roll in elementary and middle school, as well as high school, but at a cost due to having such a strict father. My dad was very condescending when he "helped" tutor me in studying, such as giving me the facepalm, telling me he gave up if I didn't get a math or science problem, and being so strict that he didn't want me to act like a kid. I missed not having an equally strong social life in elementary, middle, high school and college because it was ingrained in me to "always be serious about my studies, no matter what" and that "school comes before play". I had a 3.98 GPA in senior year of high school, over a 3.5 in elementary and middle school I think. I did taekwondo starting in middle school, which I really enjoyed, but during high school my dad didn't even let me go more than once a week due to him being so stringent on school work.
> 
> My mom kinda got onto my brother's ass by always wanting him to go into prestigious schools, including university and post university. My brother also felt my dad got onto his ass by trying to control what he was doing extracurricular, rather than what he wanted to do and was also impatient to my brother during study sessions.


In speaking to you, you do segment your schoolwork as a sort of fixed-scheduled thing that looms over any other scheduling considerations.

I'd say to that degree, your dad prevented you from being able to create a more flexible "work-life balance".

In other words: Fuck that shit and hang out with me!


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## Noctis

Kerik_S said:


> In speaking to you, you do segment your schoolwork as a sort of fixed-scheduled thing that looms over any other scheduling considerations.
> 
> I'd say to that degree, your dad prevented you from being able to create a more flexible "work-life balance".
> 
> In other words: Fuck that shit and hang out with me!


Yeah, I segment my schoolwork as a fixed-schedule thing over other scheduled considerations. Yeah, he totally prevented me from creating a flexible work-life balance.


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