# Attracting an INFJ male



## flourishingbird (Jan 27, 2016)

I'm got my eye on an INFJ male (I found the unicorn, guys!) and I'm trying to get him to ask me out. I'm an INFJ female and I've been thinking that maybe I should do what _I_ would like done towards me if a man liked me. The hold up is twofold. First, he's a man so there would be some differences in what he would appreciate, I'm sure, and what I would appreciate from an interested party. Second, I know that he's been pursuing another girl, an acquaintance of mine, and I can tell that she's not nearly as interested in him as he is in her. (Side note: I can tell by the way she acts that she's just flattered an attractive man is after her and she isn't interested in dating him to the point that she's dated several men _during _ the time that he's been pursuing her. He _has _to see that she's not interested, so why doesn't he move on?)

Anyway, are there any ways that you guys know of that would work to attract INFJ males in your direction? We can be so good at hiding our crushes that I know I'll have a heck of a time seeing if he's interested in me, and I'm sure I need to be better about letting him know I'm interested in him. Please help!


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

INFJ's are all different, there's never 1 solution with us.

Ni is a freeform thing which can be built any way we choose.

Fe, Ti, and Se are what drive the Ni models.

At best, you can put your weight into his Fe, and try to manipulate things that way. Not that you should, but you could. For example, INFJ's can be driven through social mechanisms quite easily through Fe. Either that or we put our foot down, or bolt from the situation.

There's no trick besides the ordinary sort that might work... but nothing specific to an INFJ guy.


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## Supplant3r (Oct 24, 2015)

I would start by just trying to get as close to him as possible, as maybe a friend, unless you are already that close. I know that if it was me, and I was friends with an attractive girl and she wanted to date me I would be okay with her letting me know how she feels. I mean seriously you could be super blunt and straight forward with me, not much surprises me. 

If you aren't friends with him though, the best way to get him to open up to you would be to find some interest that you share and talk to him about it.

You don't really need to exert your Se around him, but if you do he will probably be way more attracted to you, exert some Fe as well. But your Ni will be your strong point because it will make communication between the two of you much easier.

And in a relationship with an INFJ, definitely be honest. I don't know if this is just me, but I hate being lied to, like it really pisses me off. But I imagine you would know that much by now anyway.


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## Godless (Jan 27, 2016)

Ask him out.


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## Supplant3r (Oct 24, 2015)

Yeah, it will probably seem awkward but it would definitely be effective.


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

Somebody called? :wink:

I don't know how to answer your query specifically, but if you wanted to attract an INFJ guy then you should Ni the shit out of him. That will be virtually irresistible, especially if he has never known another INFJ before, and doesn't have one in his social circle.


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## flourishingbird (Jan 27, 2016)

This is super helpful, guys. Thank you! But, ok, so I still feel relatively new to all the jargon that goes along with this theory, so could you please explain what you mean by exerting my Ni more? From what I've read, that means that I need to look good. That can't be right. Is that right?


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## flourishingbird (Jan 27, 2016)

Ha! You know, I think I've asked out more men than I've been asked out myself. I don't date a lot. It hasn't worked out well so far, unfortunately. I usually end up going on a date with them and then hearing nothing from them. And recently, I've been ghosted. They guys say they're interested in a date, but then when I follow up, they just ignore me. Like, what? I'm putting in all the work and money and you can't even respond? Cool, bro.


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## flourishingbird (Jan 27, 2016)

This is detailed. Awesome! Can you explain a little further what you mean by exerting those specific functions? I'm still relatively new to the terminology.


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## Supplant3r (Oct 24, 2015)

I don't think you need to worry about Ni at all because that just comes natural to INFJs. As for the Fe and Se, exerting these two is basically just being more out going, there are some good videos on this youtube channel that tell you how to do that.

https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCz7hDF4tZ1oCgjr1fs_dY2Q

I don't think that I can explain the functions that well, but Introverted Intuition (Ni) is basically just foreseeing implications and patterns in things, extroverted feeling (Fe) is responding to the emotional atmosphere around you and expressing your own emotions maybe, and Extroverted Sensing (Se) is living in and perceiving the physical world.


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## aurly (Jun 15, 2014)

Godless said:


> Ask him out.


This guy knows what's up.


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## flourishingbird (Jan 27, 2016)

Bad news. I heard from two other women recently almost identical stories about how he treated them. He's been using women and then leaving them with no warning. It's unfortunate really, because I can tell that he is a good person, but he seems very confused about how to handle life. I think he is starting flings with women, getting what he wants, and then moving along before it gets to the DTR phase. This way, he doesn't have to deal with a failed relationship, which would be pure torture for him. 

I think I've decided that I'm just going to be friendly with him and try to offer a listening ear since I seem to understand how our minds work a little better than he does. It's all for the best, I'm sure. I'll be moving in a few months anyway.


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## Godless (Jan 27, 2016)

flourishingbird said:


> Bad news. I heard from two other women recently almost identical stories about how he treated them. He's been using women and then leaving them with no warning. It's unfortunate really, because I can tell that he is a good person, but he seems very confused about how to handle life. I think he is starting flings with women, getting what he wants, and then moving along before it gets to the DTR phase. This way, he doesn't have to deal with a failed relationship, which would be pure torture for him.
> 
> I think I've decided that I'm just going to be friendly with him and try to offer a listening ear since I seem to understand how our minds work a little better than he does. It's all for the best, I'm sure. I'll be moving in a few months anyway.


But he's the exact opposite of a "good guy." "Good guys" don't take what they can get and cop out because they don't care enough about the other person or are lazy. Don't let him tempt you far with his romantic bullshit or you'll end up being one of a number of tools he's used for pleasure (or whatever he wants) and ditched.


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## Supplant3r (Oct 24, 2015)

flourishingbird said:


> Bad news. I heard from two other women recently almost identical stories about how he treated them. He's been using women and then leaving them with no warning. It's unfortunate really, because I can tell that he is a good person, but he seems very confused about how to handle life. I think he is starting flings with women, getting what he wants, and then moving along before it gets to the DTR phase. This way, he doesn't have to deal with a failed relationship, which would be pure torture for him.
> 
> I think I've decided that I'm just going to be friendly with him and try to offer a listening ear since I seem to understand how our minds work a little better than he does. It's all for the best, I'm sure. I'll be moving in a few months anyway.


Yeah, I wouldn't bother with him if I was you after hearing that. Not wanting to deal with the emotions of a failed relationship is just laziness. I don't think he's worth your time.


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## Fallen_Jedi (Sep 13, 2011)

parade your whip around town.


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

Fallen_Jedi said:


> parade your whip around town.


Can confirm this is a good idea, if you drive something fly and Japanese, I'll be like a moth drawn to a light!


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## jaeric (Feb 8, 2016)

I'm a Unicorn! :eagerness:


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## Peter (Feb 27, 2010)

flourishingbird said:


> I'm got my eye on an INFJ male (I found the unicorn, guys!) and I'm trying to get him to ask me out. I'm an INFJ female and I've been thinking that maybe I should do what _I_ would like done towards me if a man liked me. The hold up is twofold. First, he's a man so there would be some differences in what he would appreciate, I'm sure, and what I would appreciate from an interested party. Second, I know that he's been pursuing another girl, an acquaintance of mine, and I can tell that she's not nearly as interested in him as he is in her. (Side note: I can tell by the way she acts that she's just flattered an attractive man is after her and she isn't interested in dating him to the point that she's dated several men _during _ the time that he's been pursuing her. He _has _to see that she's not interested, so why doesn't he move on?)
> 
> Anyway, are there any ways that you guys know of that would work to attract INFJ males in your direction? We can be so good at hiding our crushes that I know I'll have a heck of a time seeing if he's interested in me, and I'm sure I need to be better about letting him know I'm interested in him. Please help!


Why can't woman ask men out?


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