# NF Girls, What do you look for in a guy?



## thor odinson

Hello to all you beautiful ckeeky ahem I mean chicky babes.

So here's a question for you. What do you look for in a guy?

Are there are any types out there that interest you and are there types that you would avoid?

I get that not everyone will date based on type and for good reason, but I wouldn't take the opposite position either in saying type doesn't matter at all.

There was another NF girl I missed my chance with. She's got a boyfriend now but I had never met any other type that I click with as well as I do with other NF's.

So ladies, what is it that you look for in a guy?


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## Dwyn The Bioluminescent

Hope this helps somehow? But before I proceed, let me remind you that you can't please everyone and you'll without a doubt get A LOT of different responses, but, the more the merrier? or confusing but really, the glass is either half empty/full XD

1.My number one deal maker is honesty. Tell me what YOU think. Don't tell me what I want to hear. 

2. Someone who is their own person, who has *their own ideals,* who doesn't go with the 'flow' simply for the sake of doing it. Someone who is themselves from start to end. 

3.Wouldn't hurt if you had a piercing XP 

4.But I guess, all in all I would look for someone who is on the *same page as I am*, which I must point out, is quite difficult to find nowadays. We don't have to share every other thing, but as long as there is a *respect* for the differences, I'll gladly go further.

5.I'm an E so I have alot to say, which means you'd better be ready to listen XD Of course I do a great deal of listening too! Lol.

6. I may find your quirky habits endearing as long as it doesn't include locking up cats in shoe closets and other things along those lines.

I'm sorry if I'm being very vague :S I'm not set in stone when it comes to this. I'm quite open minded and accepting. Pretty sure the lot of us are too ^^ As long as you don't thread on my beliefs, don't talk shit about my family and smoke (because if you really want to die, please don't bring me down with you. I'm not ready XD) it's all good. ^^


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## thor odinson

No it's not vague at all, it's actually insightful, thank you for the post. NF/NF pairs have some of the highest rates of satisfaction even amongst other healthy couples.

There's a great connection, which I can at least respect, if not appreciate.


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## Dustdevil

I look for guys who notice me first off (I am quite easily missed) 

In all seriousness if you are looking for a list here it is:
ctu - caring thoughtful understanding
puts effort into things
has high level of integrity
dependable
doesn't play "the game"
doesn't always have to be right
etc...

Besides a list I generally just observe males and how they act. What I really watch for is how a guy acts around his friends and if he is overly nice only around certain people and then being a complete imbecile with others. I can smell a fake miles away as well as insecurity. If a guy needs someone just to fill his empty space he is way out of the picture. I find myself willing to give most guys a chance if they pass my "not an insensitive, fake jerk" test.
If there is one thing I would go for it is a guy who is as comfortable with himself being single as he is in a relationship. I want a nice fellow who will watch my back as I watch his, equality is a must.

I hope that helps.


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## Agelaius

Well, first I would look for...

...wait, I'm not a girl. Carry on!


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## chimeric

Someone who is honest and upfront, a direct communicator. Confident. Has his own life/interests outside of me and could be "complete" without a relationship. However, who is also deeply caring and willing to be there for me when I need someone.

Someone who is excited by the world and made giddily happy by the beautiful things it has to offer. (I have very limited patience for people who are snarky/jaded and act like they're too cool for everyone.) 

Someone who takes care of himself and lives a healthy lifestyle.

Someone who has a broad range of interests, is fairly open-minded, and enjoys talking about ideas. Someone who challenges me, supports me, and helps me become a better person.

Someone who doesn't mind (better yet, enjoys) heaps and heaps of very enthusiastic, puppy-like affection and lots of gushing about how amazing he is.


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## bengalcat

I would imagine I wouldn't be interested in an ESTJ. This is based on what I've seen from my bro's ESTJ girlfriend - very controlling, rigid, everyone else is always wrong and she's always right. She's also pretty emotionally volatile, which might be a function of age rather than type, or maybe both together. 

Actually... although I like the ESFxs that I know, and definitely consider them nice as friends... I don't think I would be in a relationship with any ESxxs. There's just not enough of a pull there for some reason. I have a good time with them (as I guess most people probably do) and crack jokes with them, but don't feel a closeness there. 

Types that interest me... hmmm, at the moment I think I quite like NPs. Flights of fancy, open-minded, playful. 

What I look for in a guy:

Intelligence. Kindness. Honesty. Has a heart and is not afraid/embarrassed about it. Manners. Physically affectionate (mostly in private). Offkilter observations and sense of humour. Some element of kid-ishness and playfulness, I'm not into complete adults. Ah, someone more liberal than traditional (I'm not your little woman and I don't care for facile thinking about gender), and someone who has some noticeable degree of non-conformism and independent thought. Reliability. Decent sex drive.


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## thor odinson

Very good insights so far. Thankyou to all.

I suppose for me what really clinches it in an NF/NF connection better than any other type is being understood just exactly and precisely where your coming from even if you disagree.

It's that empathy that can only come from walking a mile in each others shoes. 

NF is great for that.


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## Dwyn The Bioluminescent

bengalcat said:


> Ah, someone more liberal than traditional (I'm not your little woman and I don't care for facile thinking about gender).


I second that motion! -goes back to her school debating days- XD


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## NaughyChimp

- a man who can show caring and affection and tenderness
- a man who can pay his own bills and save some for the future, too
- a man who can appreciate my random thoughts and flights of fancy but is quite grounded and realistic about things that count (eg. not like my ex who couldn't afford health insurance but would take vacations to Europe several times/year)
- a man who is bright, thoughtful and knows himself
- a man who is emotionally healthy: not abusive, no addictions, doesn't treat women like dirt, etc
- a man with integrity and character: who tries to do the right thing even when that is not the easiest or most popular choice

Not a lot of studies have been done on this, but limited research has shown that the happiest couples are SJ/SJ matches closely followed by NF/NF matches. I'd love to see more research done on this!!


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## thor odinson

NaughyChimp said:


> Not a lot of studies have been done on this, but limited research has shown that the happiest couples are SJ/SJ matches closely followed by NF/NF matches. I'd love to see more research done on this!!


I can imagine two SJ's getting along so well.

Planning every little detail.

Bills paid off, kids fed, done their homework, no tv. Christmas/Birthday cards/presents all organised. Involved in community activities, running, organising them.

Valentines day all sorted, family holiday planned out lol


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## Emmsmms

I'm totally into other NFs. I'm really into people who are a little "different," who feel and are caring, who dream and who I can be on the same page with. He has to, at the very least, have an appreciation for the arts and the natural world. I don't really like cynicism and a lack of light-heartedness and fun. I love to go on adventures and do silly things and I propose silly things to do all the time, and I think if I was to date a guy who would not appreciate that, and not appreciate my energy and fun, would be a damper on my spirit. In general, I don't like to be around people who are pessimistic and cynical.

For example, my boyfriend is an INFP, and a few weeks ago we had gone out for dinner in his town that has a very old fashioned, fifties feel. We were joking about how we were going on an old fashioned style date, when I said, "Can we park your car along the lake and make out in the backseat like teenagers?!" Did he snort, look at me askance, say that that was a stupid idea, etc.? Nope. He said, "Um, YES!" That sort of willingness to try things, be a bit silly, do something off the beaten path...I love that in guys.

Last but not least, I NEED someone who's sweet and affectionate. "Nice guys"? I love them. Sweetness, and being very physically affectionate and cuddly (when alone, of course), and kindness, and telling me how you feel about me and letting me do the same...those are the biggest turn ons for me.


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## birchentree

A genuinely caring person
I’m a sucker for kind, intelligent eyes
Being on the same wavelength is a must. Great conversation, and finding that we’re laughing at the same random silly humor, are both good signs
I have a strong desire to have a friendship with the person first. Going on a date with someone I barely know just seems totally foreign, like I have to pull affection out of nowhere.
That said, once in a blue moon I have had moments of really wow-chemistry with somebody that I barely know. But I won’t feel at ease until I know more about his character, motivations, etc. (I still won’t make a move, lol, but it will be more settled in my mind that this person is worth crushing on!)


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## Alysaria

Personally I'm attracted to INTJs, so I don't think my list would help out too much. XD Everyone has different preferences. I'll go ahead and put down things that I value in other NFs, at least. 

1. Ease of understanding. We speak the same language, so it doesn't take too much translation. Wires *can* get crossed between what introverted feeling defines as a value and what extroverted feeling sees as right and appropriate... (NF girls can have epic catfights if emotions get worked up because of that) - but overall, NFs like harmony, so fights blow over quickly.

2. Similar focal points of importance. Almost all NFs want to make the world a better place - save people, save animals, save knowledge, save whatever.... 2 NFs don't have to rationalize to each other why they need to do something charitable, whether it's for a friend who's upset and needs a shoulder to cry on, or it's to do something big and important to save a chunk of panda habitat. We empathize easily.

3. Understanding/acceptance. NFs have a very live-and-let-live mentality. We're all very supportive and understanding about the choices that other people make. Of course there's a limit....but the usual things that get people weird looks and unpleasant remarks elsewhere are completely accepted by NFs - like lifestyle choices, ways of dressing, and just being outcasts in general.

4. Enjoyment of life. NFs like to make the best of situations. There are bad times, but the NF tries to stay optimistic and make the most of what is available. (Depression is something entirely different....but I'm just talking about general lows). And when things are good, NFs are generous and share the wealth - whether by giving thoughtful gifts just because or having a few friends over for a small party. 

5. Integrity/loyalty. A healthy NF has a strong value system, defined sense of right and wrong, and sticks by it. They also stick by friends. They genuinely want to bring out the best in people....so even if it's sometimes a little heavy-handed, NFs encourage others toward that goal. 2 NFs inspiring and challenging each other in that direction can make something absolutely wonderful happen.


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## Toastie

I'm sort of an NT magnet so I may be a bit biased toward them XD
I might explain why I like then though, they're intelligent and straightforward with a perfect amount of snarkyness. 

In a boyfriend I like honesty (I can't imagine many relationships based on lies that are successful) and someone who can handle my touchy-feely tendencies. What I need of course, is someone slightly different. NTs are my choice because they won't be as flaky as I am and can easily keep my feet on the ground. Someone who will probably be an E or at least approach me because I probably would never approach anyone regardless of how attracted I am. Yeah, a lot of one-sided crushes have come out of this.

On the appearances side I like lighter hair (I think it would be a nice contrast to my dark hair). I also don't mind a bit of endomorphic traits. My tastes tend to change a bit though so I don't have a very definitive idea


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## missphoebe

1. Intelligence with a capital I. 
2. A great sense of humor and wit - they MUST be able to make me laugh (that doesn't mean they need to be outgoing).
3. Being bookish is extremely sexy to me. 
4. Being able to keep up with me in a conversation (i.e. the combination of 1 & 2) is a deal breaker.
I also have a couple of physical preferences, but that is probably for another post.

[edit: Might I add that these are just what I _*look*_ for. As in, if I were to walk in a room full of strangers, these are the traits I would be most attracted to. Once I find someone who fits this criteria and start getting to know them, the list would lengthen considerably. Once the time comes to get into a relationship with them, the list would get even longer. I wish I wasn't so picky, but I am.]


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## You Sir Name

Sensitivity
Empathy
Lot's of insight
Similar humour/music tastes so we can have fun
Not too outgoing...
Not biased, completely open-minded and willing to learn for the better
Likes cats
Doesn't need me to remind them to wash dishes out after they use them, take out the trash when it's overfilling, work before play etc.
Won't freakout and leave me after witnessing my extreme dissatisfaction with humanity in general; in fact I'd hope he'd feel the same




I have no idea which MBTI type would be most likely to be like my list. :S


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## Awesomeste

A nice guy who sticks to his principles. Oh yeah and my pet peeve is non-comformist conformity. Because, you ARE conforming to SOMETHING. If you're so NONCONFORMIST why don't you just dress up as a whoopie cushion in public? -__-


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## LittleHawk

Somebody who understands himself, can talk about his feelings and thoughts and express himself.

Somebody who isn't scared to just be himself, regardless of what others have to say about him.

And somebody who is willing to listen.


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## NaughyChimp

I used to look for a soulmate when I was younger. Then, with time, I realised that my soulmates tended to be good and bad at the same things I was. Now, I'm starting to look for someone who is a bit of a balance for me, someone a bit more grounded so I can be the soaring free spirit.


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## unico

1. Honesty
2. Compassion/kindness/tenderness
3. Similar interests
4. Likes to have deep conversations
5. Nonjudgmental and accepting of people's differences
6. Likes animals
7. Good hygiene
8. Devoted


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## thor odinson

*sigh* if I only I can meet such NF girls IRL.

I feel a void in my heart:sad: lol


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## Lblanc

Aww  I'm sorry about your void. I hope my slice of information helps fill it, somewhat...

Honesty, sensitivity/caring, silliness/humor, intelligence (this one is probably the most important, to be honest) and an appreciation for long, random conversations  The intelligence thing is the base for all the qualities I enjoy in a person. From intelligence comes the ability to understand my humor, the ability to hold engaging conversations, and the good sense to be honest at the right times. Yeah, I'd say that I value intelligence pretty highly.


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## Dwyn The Bioluminescent

Lblanc said:


> Aww  I'm sorry about your void. I hope my slice of information helps fill it, somewhat...


But, tis only a slice of the pie. It may not be enough to fill his void. Or voids. Would depend really. :I How many voids you got on yah again?

Nevermind me. I feel high. -Feels that she should be heading for the spam forums lest she starts yodelling for the sake of all things fruity-


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## TheOneThatGotAway

-Someone who notices the little things and appreciates them.
-Someone who is quite reserved in nature. 
-Someone who has little to say but with great meaning. 
-Someone who doesn't give themselves away all at once. 
-Someone who can be open and honest when appropriate.
-Someone who is willing to listen but also willing to talk.
-Someone who is not a 'playa' and respects women.


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## DarkWarrior

Judging from these results I need to find an NF gal.


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## Dalien

Honesty
Intelligence
Strength of personality (A strong person)
Humor
Able to put up with me! lol (Willing to allow me to be me, and likewise.)


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## jlwalker97

1. Must have goals (doesn't matter what they are, just don't be adrift)
2. Must enjoy conversation (I talk ALOT and long in-depth conversations are blissful)
3. Must have a quick mind (to keep up with me)
4. Must be willing to try new things (otherwise I will get bored with you)
5. Tell me I'm useful/needed/appreciated once in awhile


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## Perpetual Iridescence

Hmm, let's see...
He has to [be]:
1. Intelligent
2. Caring
3. Respectful of me, my values, beliefs, and ideas.
4. Independent
5. Have stuff in common with me
6. Willing to commit
And it would be nice if he were also:
1. Good-looking
2. A hard worker
3. Imaginative
4. In touch with his emotions, at least to a point where he understands what he feels and why he feels a certain way.


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## bengalcat

I quite love this thread  

Makes me feel like I have sisters!


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## 626Stitch

1.)


> Must have goals (doesn't matter what they are, just don't be adrift)


I want to acheive world domination 

5.)


> Tell me I'm useful/needed/appreciated once in awhile


You can help me acheive world domination. 

We should hook up some time.:wink:


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## 626Stitch

> 3. Being bookish is extremely sexy to me.


Why did God put you in America?


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## abitsilly

Someone who'll look after my mind body and spirit and do it effortlessly 

Someone who really wants to talk to you at the end of the day

Someone who likes books, not t.v

Someone who really truly thinks about what you have to say- finds it interesting

Someone who likes hugs (yes there are people out there who don't :0 )

someone who takes time out of they're day just for you..*sigh*

someone who'll smile at your jokes and show sympathy when you need it

someone who just ''gets'' you..

someone who wants to be around you just as much as you want to be around them.

Someone who wants the inner parts of you not just your body.

someone who loves you, but gently without obsession 

someone with a sense of humor but doesn't use it to hurt others
*sigh*


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## thor odinson

abitsilly said:


> someone who takes time out of they're day just for you..*sigh*
> 
> someone with a sense of humor but doesn't use it to hurt others
> *sigh*


So the *sigh*s are the ones that really get you eh?:wink:


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## perfectcircle

I mean, I'm sure it could go many ways, I don't really plan things out to try and catch a certain kind of person, but I know I could never pick someone who isn't as smart or smarter than me and they would have to have interests.


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## jessaywhat

i'll give anyone a try. but weirdness is a plus, a big heart and an open mind is a plus, and if you aren't a silly goose gtfo.


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## abitsilly

My name is raania and I would also like to post, I am using my friend abitsilly's profile.
-
Someone who is funny, kind, someone who would be able to get along with my friends and family. Sensitive, needs to be able to show emotion. That is pretty much all I look for.


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## Chwimleian

I'm sorry in advance for the long post..  


-Must not have a need to fix my problems. I'm a big girl-all I need you to do is occasionally listen. I voice my concerns because that's how I work through them, not because I'm asking you to fix it for me. Once I know how to deal with my feelings on an issue I can objectively see the solution to the problem on my own. Only offer advice if I ask for it. And for the love of Danube, don't tell me what to do-ASK. COMMUNICATION IS KEY.*
(Okay, so cummunication is key, too-but this isn't about sex XD)*

-Must have the capability to understand how I think, or at least makes the effort to try. If we're on completely different wavelengths and for the life of us can't comprehend the other,we won't work. We'll just frustrate ourselves to tears. And neither of us should have to compromise what we believe in to make it work (well, MAJOR things, I mean-obviously for a relationship to work it must be a team effort and there must be cohesion, but I was referring to major parts of our personalities. I'm not changing the main core of who I am to be with someone.)

-Must be independent, or at least a healthy dose of it. I'm okay meeting a guy where he's at in his personal development if it's tolerable enough. And vice-versa, I want someone to except me where I'm at, too. Don't love an idealized version of me, love the one that's standing in front of you, flaws and all. Otherwise I will walk away.*

-Must not be overly-judgmental. If I see a man making fun of anyone, whether online or in real life, you aren't getting anywhere near me. Some tact, if you please. 

-Must be financially stable, or somewhat close to it. I'm not going to discriminate against a bro if he doesn't have goo-gabs 

-Must have integrity, intelligence, compassion, and empathy. He must know himself, his feelings, and what he wants in life. History buffness is somewhat necessary. If you have a large selection of books, then take me, I'm yours.*

-Must be sarcastic, or, if not, at least knows how to make me laugh. I want to have fun together.

-Must have at least a few hobbies that we can share/do/appreciate together, as well as things we do on our own. If we have nothing in common except that we generally like each other, its gonna fizzle really fast...

-Must understand that I need space. I'm an ambivert, yes, but I need my me-time. You wouldn't like me without my me-time. D:<

-Must understand my body language/communication style. If I'm being overly quiet after you just said something, or maybe haven't been vocal for a while...yeah, you said something wrong or I'm brooding. Ask me. I'll tell you directly if you ask.

-Must be realistic yet positive. I see the world through rose-colored glasses because I choose to look beyond the imperfections, not because I don't see they exist or don't acknowledge them. I change what I can, and accept what I can't, and then move on. I'm looking for someone similar.

-Must be supportive and flexible. I want someone to believe in my dreams and support and believe in me, and to be able to do the same to another.*


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## granarl

*Reply to "NF Girls, What do you look for in a guy?"*

To be completely honest, I've stopped looking. -but if I did..I don't think I'd be expecting much other than for them to love themselves in order to love others. I mean, I feel what I feel, I don't really like to tick things off on my list you know what I mean? I'd just get to know them and analyse how I feel about them after :ninja: ...................Oh WAIT!! Just one thing I'll put: we must become best friends =) Yup, there you go.


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## thor odinson

I think I have to find me an NF girl  <333333333


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## granarl

thor odinson said:


> I think I have to find me an NF girl  <333333333


Go for it!!


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## Dwyn The Bioluminescent

Almost all the replies sound.. NF-ey. It seems that we're looking for people like us..?

-ponders-

I don't know.. I mean.. For me that is, I wouldn't really want someone as feely feely as I am XD That's my job! Go.. Go plan world domination or create some genetically modified rabbit that eats people! Then I'll pluck flowers and comfort sad lobsters or something. (Yes I know I commented her before but.. Meh deal with it >_> lol)


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## orphansparrow

a few things... someone who is real. that means someone who can be themselves, whether they are comfortable with that or not. not someone pretending to be this or that. and someone who is open minded. does not judge people easily or at all.


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## StormInATeaCup

Hmmm, this is gonna be fun 

Accept me. We adore those who accept us with all our silly faults and crazy talents. Let us stay intact without trying to change us & you will have our admiration for a lifetime.

Ask me. Ask me about me, the color of the sky, my opinion on human sexuality, you won't be sorry you did. Don't ever assume you know what I'm thinking. But always ask me, I want to share life with you & will become ever curious about you too.

Praise me & constructively criticise me. I'm ever evolving, and very sensitive. I will always listen to your advice, but I will HEAR it if you give it lovingly & with a positive intent.

Be my rock. I drift from friend to friend, moment to moment. I need a grounded, warm soul to come home to every night.

Be open to my silly kinky "intimate" self. Our private time is our playtime. Got toys? The you got me! 

Love me. Be willing to accept the greatest, most accepting love ever from me. Be willing to share yours with me.

Keep dreaming, bring some of those dreams into being. I love to hear about your deep inner world, and all your "possibilities". But the real gift is living those dreams. Let's bring those dreams to life, our life. 

Not too much, right? ;0)


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## INFPPP

Imagination, playfulness, bedroom skillz, focus


...someone with a big heart who is able to share it with others.


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## Tminus

I love NF girls  Hope to meet one some day  Only been in relationships with ST and SF girls in the past. The ST was boring and unappreciative of my qualities, almost put me down for not being "cold, rigid or manly" enough. The SF was fun, but was either very hot or very cold. She was also hard to keep committed.


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## rbonk

Dwyn The Bioluminescent said:


> Almost all the replies sound.. NF-ey. It seems that we're looking for people like us..?
> 
> -ponders-
> 
> I don't know.. I mean.. For me that is, I wouldn't really want someone as feely feely as I am XD That's my job! Go.. Go plan world domination or create some genetically modified rabbit that eats people! Then I'll pluck flowers and comfort sad lobsters or something. (Yes I know I commented her before but.. Meh deal with it >_> lol)


 this probably because everyone in this thread is consciously thinking out what they want with ideals.

I'm sure everyone wouldn't be nearly as picky or specific in the reality of the moment.

my experience with NFs (particularly NFPs) is that they tend to idealise people too. its like you want to see positive qualities in a person. so the less overtly emotional and accepting and inclusive they seem the harder you'll try to see it in them.

"oh he just doesn't have any tact, he doesn't mean it"


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## thor odinson

rbonk said:


> NFs (particularly NFPs) is that they tend to idealise people too. its like you want to see positive qualities in a person. so the less overtly emotional and accepting and inclusive they seem the harder you'll try to see it in them.


This is true


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## Meowmixmuffin

Someone I can have an intense, intelligent conversation with without fear of being judged.
For the most part, I prefer extroverts. Not clingy, and is emotionally stable - He doesn't have to be with me ALL THE TIME. He knows when to be a friend and when to be a lover. He has his own opinions, and is accepting of mine even though he might not necessarily agree with them. He's taking care of his own life, not going to be pumping gas forever. He knows what he wants. He's adventurous and wants to have fun with me, not just snuggle and coo "I love you baby" all the time.
Hm. I suppose really, at the core, I want to have excellent communication with him. A good understanding of one another.


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## Meowmixmuffin

I should clarify - I expect to be judged, that's not really the issue. But I don't want to be looked down on or patronized over something I say.


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## Curiously

I want the personality and looks of three kinds of men in one man. Won't ever happen, so I think I've given up on finding the guy who will make me swoon and take the plunge into commitment-hood.


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## Russelp1

SillaSY said:


> I want the personality and looks of three kinds of men in one man. Won't ever happen, so I think I've given up on finding the guy who will make me swoon and take the plunge into commitment-hood.


This post reminded me of the way I used to describe my ideal match - he had to have a balance of the following attributes:
33% Man
33% Boy
33% Hairdresser (i would not compromise on the boy and hairdresser qualities!)


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## SnnyYellow

-Someone genuine! I really respect and love people who can unashamedly just be themselves. I hate people with false airs. On the same line of thinking, someone who is an individual as well. I cherish those who aren't a slave for trends, fitting in, etc. 
-Respect. I really feel I couldn't be with someone who was rude or treated me (or others) terribly. Be kind to other and show others respect--a gentleman is attractive.
-Sweetness/Affection: I'm an ENFJ so I'm really sensitive. While I enjoy playful teasing and witty insults, I really look for guys who are loving and affectionate. Guys with sweet sides are absolutely wonderful! (Such as guys who love animals or kids--they're just remarkable!) Hopeless romantic gestures are cute too! 
-Depth. I really love intelligent/deep conversations. Guys with deep, complex, and even philosophical thoughts and questions are VERY attractive. In fact, intelligence is what first attracts me to people. 
-Conviction. People who abide by their principles and are idealistic. Not to the point of being stubborn and close minded, but open-minded enough to listen to others and reassessing beliefs but not passive enough to just easily abandon his own strongly felt morals.

On another note, my ENFP and INFJ friends concluded I'd have to be with a kind but angsty guy to be in love. ^_^'


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## Stelmaria

SillaSY said:


> I want the personality and looks of three kinds of men in one man.


How does that work exactly? I mean they can't behave as two different people at once?


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## MegaTuxRacer

rbonk said:


> this probably because everyone in this thread is consciously thinking out what they want with ideals.
> 
> I'm sure everyone wouldn't be nearly as picky or specific in the reality of the moment.
> 
> my experience with NFs (particularly NFPs) is that they tend to idealise people too. its like you want to see positive qualities in a person. so the less overtly emotional and accepting and inclusive they seem the harder you'll try to see it in them.
> 
> "oh he just doesn't have any tact, he doesn't mean it"


Nobody knows what they want until they see it. That's where I come in. :tongue:


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## OrangeAppled

I look for: shared values, goals, lifestyles and beliefs. Then, physical attraction, compatible interests, intellectual stimulation, emotional connection, and general enjoyment of each other's personality.


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## Melly382

Its hard to describe what I look for because describing a host of qualities doesn't always cover the feeling you get when someone is just "right" for you. That being said, here's a list of qualities and qualifications (not in order of importance):

1. Physical attraction. I don't really look for specific attributes because I find that the guy's mind and personality play a large part in how attractive I find him. I often find unlikely candidates (from a societal standpoint) completely irresistible. However, I am intrigued by guys of other races as long as we have shared values and interests (current bf is asian and that has thrown me for some loops).

2. Shared values. I never really experienced the importance of this until I was in my current relationship. We're really so different when it comes to our feelings about everything from family to money management. Some of the things I thought were givens popped up as major issues! I am still sometimes concerned about the kinds of things he is open to, etc, but (before you cry doom!) I honestly trust his intentions toward me.

3. Trust-worthiness. This is another basic but its the foundation of all good relationships so it has to be on here! I find it very hard to trust (which may be a flaw of mine), but everything from the accumulation of little white lies (even if they are to "protect me"), to the rejection of my feelings can damage this. This sensitivity to what I deem someone's trustworthiness is one of the things that can make me a high maintenance girlfriend at times. I wonder if it is true, especially, of other NF girls?

4. The ability to teach me something. One of the advantages of my current relationship is that my boyfriend excels in the many, many things that I do not! So much so that I sometimes wonder if he even really needs me >_>.....haha. We've been together for almost 5 years now and I have learned SO many things from him daily and over the years. I've learned a lot of things from him that I don't care about (lol) but I've also learned some VERY important lessons including how to be less possessive, the ability to let a person be themselves without imposing my values, the ability to let the little things go, appreciating differences and not being threatened by them, and how to be less sensitive (still working on that one). What's more is he's introduced me to a world of new interests and hobbies (mostly of the nerdy variety)!

5. The ability to appreciate me and make me feel worthwhile. Sometimes I think its hard for others to see my value underneath the reserve, moodiness, and sensitivity and when a guy really _knows_ me inside and out and still looks at me like I'm the best thing that's happened to him, its unbelievably resassuring. It can definitely make up for the lack of appreciation I often experience elsewhere. Who really cares what the rest of the world thinks if you've got someone that sees you for who you are, warts and all, and still has your back!

6. Someone with a variety of interests. Unfortunately, my interest can easily wane with someone who doesn't stimulate my need for novelty! Now its not like I need novelty all of the time, but I appreciate the fact that he talks about things I don't know about! It feeds my curiosity about the world.

7. Sincerity. I don't like attempts to impress me, I don't like people that make too much of themselves, and I don't like ulterior motives. Just show me who you really are and I'll like you if I like you. Also, show sincere interest in who I am and that will catch my attention.

8. A certain level of maturity and self-awareness. This includes someone who has independent interests, someone who takes responsibility for themselves in work and relationships, and someone who understands the value of companionship to me without clinging or ignoring me. I like guys that are self-motivated and don't need me to push them. I'm happy to provide encouragement and support, especially when you are down, but that doesn't apply to a total lack of self-initiative. I think a lot of people look at NF's as supports to drown their perpetual depression, etc, in, but that's not a mutually satisfying relationship to me. Knowing where to cross the line at dependence is probably an important quality for most NF people. I've had to learn all of these things and some of them were hard lessons to learn, but necessary.

9. Curiosity! I _need_ someone who is intellectually curious in _some _way about _some _thing! Part of the kindred spirit thing I look for is having someone who can share a thirst for knowing more and experiencing as much of the world as possible. Whether that be through travel or simply sharing the things we learn through our independent research, I need to be able to share and enthuse with someone. I would not be satisfied with someone who is just content to grind through day to day. I feel like I am repeating myself because this is so similar to having a variety of interests, but it covers much more than that. Curiosity involves wanting to share with me and know about the things that interest me. Curiosity means being open to things beyond one's own interests as well.

10. The capacity for a certain depth of emotion. There's a lot that I could say about this, but I tend to feel _starved_ of emotion (the spice of life!) with a completely even-tempered guy that can't understand the kind of passion I feel. My current boyfriend's emotions aren't always pleasant but at least there's a _range and strength_ of them. 

Anyway! That's a long list of things that I look for--they're all pretty universal, I think. This is in no way comprehensive, but I think I've written enough and my bosses are starting to catch on >_>....


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## Dancing.eyes

thor odinson said:


> Hello to all you beautiful ckeeky ahem I mean chicky babes.
> 
> So here's a question for you. What do you look for in a guy?
> 
> Are there are any types out there that interest you and are there types that you would avoid?
> 
> I get that not everyone will date based on type and for good reason, but I wouldn't take the opposite position either in saying type doesn't matter at all.
> 
> There was another NF girl I missed my chance with. She's got a boyfriend now but I had never met any other type that I click with as well as I do with other NF's.
> 
> So ladies, what is it that you look for in a guy?



Guys who shows up in a party and looked cute and polite : )


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## MissingLinc

> 33% Hairdresser (i would not compromise on the boy and hairdresser qualities!)


This raises questions I'm not entirely sure I want the answers to.


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## Coburn

So here's a question for you. What do you look for in a guy?

_1. Christian and Conservative. 
_
Are there are any types out there that interest you and are there types that you would avoid?

_2. Are we talking MBTI types or just general stereotypes? I don't do bad boys and I don't do pushovers. No cheaters, emotionally chaotic pansies, whiners, tragic romantics, or hapless idealists._
_
3. I like logical, opinionated, easy-going people who know how to have a good conversation. I also like people who can appreciate silence. Just because you're in the same room doesn't mean you have to fill every moment with conversation. _

I get that not everyone will date based on type and for good reason, but I wouldn't take the opposite position either in saying type doesn't matter at all.

_4. Oh, so you are looking at type. Well, if someone has to be booted off the dating wagon, it'll be INFJs and ESTPs. _


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## Aelthwyn

1) gentleness and emotional understanding are of great importance, It's hard for me to enjoy being close with someone who isn't able to read emotions and show tact and care for the feelings of others. (probably a feeler)

2) a quiet, reflective approach to life, someone who observes from the corner rather than being the life of the party, someone who would rather read and think or work on their own personal hobby-projects rather than always wanting to go out and do stuff or socialize, someone who isn't high energy (Introverted!)

3) creativity and similar interests - likes fantasy/sci-fi/steampunk, enjoys wearing costumes or dressing up in general, has their own personal style and creative/artistic hobbies, someone I can brainstorm and share creative ideas with who will spark my imagination

4) a positive outlook on life and other similar values/philosophies of mine

5) a 'cute' nose and long hair that I want to run my fingers through


Generally the types I seem more likely to be drawn to are: INFP INTP ISFP ENFP INTJ
and to a lesser extent ISTJ ISFJ INFJ
But while I am definitely attracted to NTs and even like some aspects of IST_s but I am also wary because of how exhausting it can be trying to deal with someone who isn't naturally attuned to feelings and able to deal easily with them. I tend to sense a special connection with other Fi dom/aux people in particular. 

Types I would most likely avoid (even without actually knowing their type) are ESTJ, ESTP, ESFJ, ENFJ, ENTJ,


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## crumbs

thor odinson said:


> Hello to all you beautiful ckeeky ahem I mean chicky babes.
> 
> So here's a question for you. What do you look for in a guy?
> 
> Are there are any types out there that interest you and are there types that you would avoid?
> 
> I get that not everyone will date based on type and for good reason, but I wouldn't take the opposite position either in saying type doesn't matter at all.
> 
> There was another NF girl I missed my chance with. She's got a boyfriend now but I had never met any other type that I click with as well as I do with other NF's.
> 
> So ladies, what is it that you look for in a guy?


1. Non-fictional


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## AliceKettle

Flaming Bassoon said:


> I want someone who's smart, sweet, and has a great deal of depth. I can't just skim by the surface but have to dive deep in. I love cuddling and need tons of physical affection. I want him to understand me, because I feel like no one has really ever understood me in my life, sadly enough.
> 
> Yeah, I know. Those are high and impossible to meet standards.


I must be one of the few feelers who hates cuddling unless it is with a well-known significant other.


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## cantseemtofind

1. Open-mindedness- I need to be with someone who will open my eyes to new ways of doing things because i'm always looking for things to blow me away and for people to offer alternative perspectives on things.

2. Patience- Don't rush me with my feelings, they'll come if i'm not smothered and there is reassurance that i'm not reading too much into your words. Make sure I know that you like me cause I can be pretty clueless about how others view me.

3. Commitment- Sorry the emotions are connected to the physical for me, there is no one or the other. We're either just friends or we're dating- I cant do that "friends with benefits" thing.

4. Honesty- if i cross any boundaries, tell me! Don't resent me for things I didn't know i was doing wrong-be upfront with everything.

5. Similar interests- This doesn't have to mean they like every single thing I like and vise versa, but we need to be able to carry a conversation. I'm always looking to try new things though, and for me it would be important for anyone to have that same attitude. Don't play video games? Hell yeah i'll let you teach me Diablo. Never heard this band before? well guess what we're listening to on the car ride to dinner. Stuff like that. I guess that goes along with being open-minded too.

And I would argue that types don't really matter and I wouldn't dwell too much on another person's type because that limits options that could end up being truly wonderful-I'm currently dating a guy who's an ESTP and everyone told me that I, an INFP, would never work dating him, but i'm incredibly happy with him!


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## g_w

AliceKettle said:


> I haven't ever been in a romantic relationship before because I have to just know that they are "the one," and I haven't had that feeling with any guys yet. I just don't feel like bothering with romance unless I intuitively have a feeling that it will work out. Thus, I don't seek out romance; I'm waiting for it to find me.
> 
> As far as ideal personality traits go though:
> •A man who understands me inside and out
> •A man who respects me and my values, and who treats me as an equal
> •A man who will tolerate my flaws that cannot be changed, and help me to overcome the ones that can be changed or improved.
> •A man who is intelligent, kind, selfless, passionate, charming, funny and creative.
> •A man who has ambition, but humility as well.
> 
> Of course looks aren't the most important factor in NF relationships, personality is, but ideally I would want a man to be:
> •A lean and muscular athletic body. I feel that the really bulky muscular type men are often too image conscious and narcissitic, while the overweight are often lazy, greasy, greedy, and gluttonous.
> •Ideally at least 5'9 in height. I'm really short (4'11), and I like the image of standing up on my toes or being lifted up off the ground, spun around, while being kissed by a guy who's a lot taller than me. I often feel attracted to men who are 6'0+.


Just a comment from an INTJ armoured unit...

Are you willing to understand *him* inside and out?
Are you willing to treat him as an equal, and respect *his* values?
Are you willing to patiently work on his flaws, and tolerate the ones which won't change?

"Intelligent, kind, selfless, passionate, charming, funny and creative" --> spells INFP or INFJ : who often lack on ambition.
Just leave "intelligent, selfless, passionate" (and sometimes funny) --> spells INTJ or INTP: who often lack humility.

Just a word to the wise. :laughing:

kudos to you for being a bit flexible about the height: yes, many men think it's romantic, cute, whatever to have a petite girl to pick up and swing around and so on.

However...
almost *all* women are attracted to men over 6 feet in height, so you may have a bit of competition for them, hmmm? :wink:

Best wishes, thru the sarcasm.


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## AliceKettle

g_w said:


> Just a comment from an INTJ armoured unit...
> 
> Are you willing to understand *him* inside and out?
> Are you willing to treat him as an equal, and respect *his* values?
> Are you willing to patiently work on his flaws, and tolerate the ones which won't change?
> 
> "Intelligent, kind, selfless, passionate, charming, funny and creative" --> spells INFP or INFJ : who often lack on ambition.
> Just leave "intelligent, selfless, passionate" (and sometimes funny) --> spells INTJ or INTP: who often lack humility.
> 
> Just a word to the wise. :laughing:
> 
> kudos to you for being a bit flexible about the height: yes, many men think it's romantic, cute, whatever to have a petite girl to pick up and swing around and so on.
> 
> However...
> almost *all* women are attracted to men over 6 feet in height, so you may have a bit of competition for them, hmmm? :wink:
> 
> Best wishes, thru the sarcasm.


Yes, I'm willing to change and understand "him" if I'm with the right person if possible. I wouldn't change my looks though.


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## kxsmic

i've found that my type of guy is really a varied sort of thing. let me give you a lowdown on the last three guys i've been interested in. (1 being the longest ago, 3 being most recent).

1. very very intelligent, opinionated, interesting to talk to, bizarre and occasionally outrageous humor, fairly emotionless. also kind of an asshole who just kind of ditched me and ignored once he found out i was interested in him. 

2. a coworker of mine. not as academically intelligent, bit of a slacker in school really. more street smarts, wild and crazy and did fairly reckless things on a regular basis. very funny and occasionally very sweet but ultimately full of shallow emotion. 

3. this beautiful boy who reminds me a lot of myself i guess (am i a narcissist yet?). good in school, very passionate for his causes and clubs, good taste in everything, always taking on responsibilities, always charming without necessarily being aware of it, kind of an awkward adorable goofball. i'd say he's kind of a flake and also is very bad at confrontation. 

i guess as of now i want a guy who i have good chemistry with... someone who is intelligent and has some sort of passion in life, goofy/funny, affectionate, supportive, and willing to put up with (and maybe even enjoy) all my idiosyncrasies. similar tastes in music and hobbies would be a plus! (oh and if they were tall with nice hair... would that be asking too much?)


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## Lyric

*takes deep breath*.... Someone who loves physical affection and being silly and won’t call me weird (in a bad way) for pulling funny but completely hideous faces sometimes and making bad jokes; someone who is fine with me having nocturnal tendencies that last for months on end, and is happy to have massively long in-depth discussions about a whole load of things. Someone who has an interest in psychology, has good critical thinking skills and gives new ideas a chance. Someone who is not argumentative. Someone who is aware of their potential irrationalities and weak spots, and has the ability to note them with a clear mind that strives for self-improvement. Someone who can discuss disagreements calmly and won’t try to change my interests and maybe someone who has retained a lot of their interests from childhood because they still bring happiness and they're not ashamed of it. Someone who is tactful, diplomatic, emotionally intelligent and maybe possesses extroverted feeling as a strong cognitive function. Someone who enjoys seeking deeper, underlying meanings in things. Someone who loves art or photography or blues rock music and they won’t mind how I seem like an actual child from time to time when I'm really happy and they won’t mind how I seem like an old man from time to time and they love thinking about space and the universe and they are fascinated by life in general or maybe they are existential crisis on legs but can still laugh like a silly kid about stupid things.


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