# Introverts & Extroverts in love



## angularvelocity

I found this article too.. this one is interesting. I know a lot of people are going to ask how some of these traits are good and how some of them are bad. I was a little confused too, but nevertheless, it's something to read and talk about;

*Introverts & Extroverts in Love*

*Relationship Conflict Between Different Personality Types*


Personality profiles include extroverts and introverts, which are opposite ends of the spectrum of personality types. Extroverts and introverts are often attracted to one another – because opposites attract – but may find it difficult to build a strong relationship or marriage.
Though relationship conflict is inevitable, resolving conflict is easier when you understand introvert and extrovert personality types. Maybe you need a personality test to determine if you're an introvert or an extrovert (online personality tests are usually easy and accurate). However, you may just need to scan through these personality traits of introverts and extroverts to see your own personality profile.


*Introvert personality traits*

Introverts are usually energized by being alone, private, and quiet. Introverts are more sensitive to social rejection, and don't always see the world as a safe place.

Emotionally stable introverts are:



Passive
Careful
Thoughtful
Controlled
Reliable
Even-tempered
Calm
Emotionally unstable introverts can be:


Quiet
Pessimistic
Unsociable
Sober
Rigid
Moody
Anxious
Reserved
*Extrovert personality traits*
Extroverts tend to be energized by groups of people, conversation, and activity. Extroverts are less sensitive to rejection, and see the world as a safer place.

Emotionally stable extroverts are:


Sociable
Outgoing
Talkative
Responsive
Easygoing
Lively
Carefree
Leaderlike
Emotionally unstable extroverts can be:


Active
Optimistic
Impulsive
Changeable
Excitable
Aggressive
Restless
Touchy

*Relationship conflict between introverts and extroverts*

*Understanding your partner's personality traits* is the key to resolving conflict. The introvert needs to understand his extroverted partner's need for social activity; the extrovert needs to understand her introverted partner's need for privacy and downtime.
*Finding compromise* when opposites attract or when you're in the midst of different personality traits is also important. The introvert could go to the social event with the extrovert; the extrovert could agree to leave at an earlier time. The introvert could suggest comfortable solutions to situations the extrovert enjoys, such as smaller, more intimate dinner parties instead of huge events.
*Accepting your differences* is crucial. It's one thing to understand the personality profiles of introverts and extroverts; it's totally different to actually accept and even admire different personality traits. Acceptance means the introvert doesn't try to change the extrovert and vice versa. Acceptance means the extrovert really sees the value of the introvert's personality profile – and vice versa.
Personality testing isn't usually necessary when it comes to introverts and extroverts in love. People generally have an idea of their introverted or extroverted personality traits; the trick is to find harmonious ways to live and love together.
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## imru2

avalanche183 said:


> The introvert could go to the social event with the extrovert; the extrovert could agree to leave at an earlier time.​​​​​


​ 
Maybe if I could do that, it would work better for me. I always end up somewhere with some E and they are having such a splendid time and looking so thoroughly energized, I feel like I'm ruining their fun if I speak up and suggest that maybe we leave sometime soon.


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## treesee

Emotionally unstable extroverts..... Hmm... sounds an awful lot like the ENTP description.....


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## starri

Awesome post. Mega points.:happy:


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## Mutatio NOmenis

I am apparently, an emotionally unstable introvert. GET AWAY! I'm going to die...


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## jochris

mortabunt said:


> I am apparently, an emotionally unstable introvert. GET AWAY! I'm going to die...


Haha. :wink:

I may be somewhat of an oddball amongst other INTP's, as I actually go out quite a lot. (I'm not an ENTP or XNTP, I just have ENTP tendencies.) Though, I'm almost always the most sober one, and end up taking care of others. Even if I do get a little more boozed up, I still sound coherent and type in perfect grammar, spelling and capitalisation. I have to/would strongly prefer to sit against a wall at a table in a corner, and get uncomfortable when I have to sit back-facing people/space and/or in the middle of the room.

It's a bit difficult to get an INTP to socialise more than he/she is naturally willing to, because we're lazy and usually see it as pointless, especially when it's with people who are expressive/dramatic/emotional/overly excited. To an INTP, being dragged out to socialise may be an annoyance and seem like a waste of time. Is it really a positive thing to do? Maybe it applies more to other introverted types? :happy: Compromise is important and inevitable though.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

An INTP girl, I didn't know you "ladies" existed.


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## ChaosRegins

mortabunt said:


> An INTP girl, I didn't know you "ladies" existed.


*Yes, Morta, there is a Santa Claus. *


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## jochris

mortabunt said:


> An INTP girl, I didn't know you "ladies" existed.


We statistically represent 1% of the female population, so we're a bit of a rare find. Not all of us are ungroomed either.


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## slowriot

jochris said:


> We statistically represent 1% of the female population, so we're a bit of a rare find. Not all of us are ungroomed either.


ungroomed, wow! dont get me wrong but girls ungroomed :shocked:


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## Mutatio NOmenis

jochris said:


> We statistically represent 1% of the female population, so we're a bit of a rare find. Not all of us are ungroomed either.


Do you know any american INTP chicks that are currently in america?


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## jochris

mortabunt said:


> Do you know any american INTP chicks that are currently in america?


Can't even begin to explain how absurd I find this question. :laughing:
America is a big place. Try looking around the forum? I've seen quite a few other female INTP's around.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

Mid Atlantic East Coast. I'm tied down with school, so I can't really travel, and so long so long is the only other person on this board who is around my age (I'm 16).


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## pluto

Great thread, avalanche! Thanks. I do question some of the information though.



avalanche183 said:


> Personality profiles include extroverts and introverts, which are opposite ends of the spectrum of personality types. Extroverts and introverts are often attracted to one another – because opposites attract – but may find it difficult to build a strong relationship or marriage.


For myself personally, I have *not* found that I am attracted to opposites, and I know others who aren't either. I think this is too much of a generalization that is not true for everyone. It depends on the person.



> Introverts are more sensitive to social rejection, and don't always see the world as a safe place.


I have NEVER feared social rejection. Why would an introvert fear something they don't want that much of? I understand the reasoning behind it, but I don't agree with it. I think this would be more of a fear for extraverts, since they need it more. Again, I think this is too much of a generalization, and though it may be true for some people, it is not true for everyone. Personality typing goes too far when it paints with too broad of a brush. We are all individuals, and our motivations and preferences are not always for the same reasons. I also think that distinguishing what is healthy and unhealthy (unstable) can sometimes be a problem, because determining it is somewhat subjective. It's sort of like the DSM. Now everything is a "disorder". If this type of thinking continues, it will soon be a disorder just to breathe. See here:
Experts Debunk Psychiatry's DSM

I'm just saying that I see similarities to the DSM in some of these personality 'boxes'...what's considered stable and unstable. I'm certainly not saying that some things are not unhealthy, because indeed they are, but it is often taken too far. Humans simply have variations both with each other, and from day to day. How do we establish a criteria for determining that some of those behaviors (some of them are actually quite mild and harmless) listed as unstable really are? I honestly don't think we always can. I depends on the circumstances. I'm just skeptical, I guess, but I think it's "healthiest" to be ourselves, without negative labels being placed on us.



imru2 said:


> Maybe if I could do that, it would work better for me. I always end up somewhere with some E and they are having such a splendid time and looking so thoroughly energized, I feel like I'm ruining their fun if I speak up and suggest that maybe we leave sometime soon.


I can relate to that.



jochris said:


> It's a bit difficult to get an INTP to socialise more than he/she is naturally willing to, because we're lazy and usually see it as pointless, especially when it's with people who are expressive/dramatic/emotional/overly excited. To an INTP, being dragged out to socialise may be an annoyance and seem like a waste of time. Is it really a positive thing to do? Maybe it applies more to other introverted types? Compromise is important and inevitable though.


I agree. Being with an E has never worked for me either, especially if they are on the strong end of extroversion. Those that I've been with are constantly annoyed and complaining about me not wanted to socialize more. I am satisfied for them to go out and do their own thing as needed, which also gives me some quiet time to myself, but they are never satisfied with it and do not reciprocate. They are instead frustrated that they can't drag me everywhere with them. And it sometimes drains me just to be around them one-on-one too, because the Es I've been with demand so much interaction. So, it just hasn't worked for me. It's not that I dislike them as people, but we're generally not compatible. I think it can work, but it takes just the right person.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

I have to agree that DSM discriminates against INT's. It gives the INTP type in particular a stigma of schizoid. Even if we are normal INTP's, we're still classified as having psychological issues. Then you get a bunch of E psychologists who don't do anything except give you medications that really turn you schizoid and say that you need more friends. ALthough in a way, because I'm really high I, I need a moderate E, because I can't connct well with people. The world really likes to make INTP's feeling like broken, worthless shit.


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## angularvelocity

mortabunt said:


> I have to agree that DSM discriminates against INT's. It gives the INTP type in particular a stigma of schizoid. Even if we are normal INTP's, we're still classified as having psychological issues. Then you get a bunch of E psychologists who don't do anything except give you medications that really turn you schizoid and say that you need more friends. ALthough in a way, because I'm really high I, I need a moderate E, because I can't connct well with people. The world really likes to make INTP's feeling like broken, worthless shit.


WOW Mort. That post reminded me of my INTP gf. She went into a psychotherapist or something who referred her to a psychiatrist. She isn't bonkers at all but they put her on 120mg of Cymbalta. WTF! I was wondering about the horse pills... they actually made her go crazy while she was on them. Oh yeah, and they said she needed more friends, lol. Crazy.



pluto said:


> Great thread, avalanche! Thanks. I do question some of the information though.
> 
> For myself personally, I have *not* found that I am attracted to opposites, and I know others who aren't either. I think this is too much of a generalization that is not true for everyone. It depends on the person.


Interesting.. the article said *often *so they did not mean in every situation, and like you said, it depends on the person. I've seen how I can be very attracted for extroverts for a variety of reasons, but can also see why I would be more attracted to introverts for various reasons as well.




pluto said:


> I have NEVER feared social rejection. Why would an introvert fear something they don't want that much of? I understand the reasoning behind it, but I don't agree with it. I think this would be more of a fear for extraverts, since they need it more. Again, I think this is too much of a generalization, and though it may be true for some people, it is not true for everyone. Personality typing goes too far when it paints with too broad of a brush. We are all individuals, and our motivations and preferences are not always for the same reasons. I also think that distinguishing what is healthy and unhealthy (unstable) can sometimes be a problem, because determining it is somewhat subjective. It's sort of like the DSM. Now everything is a "disorder". If this type of thinking continues, it will soon be a disorder just to breathe. See here:
> Experts Debunk Psychiatry's DSM


I see the logic behind the argument for introverts being more inclined to be afraid of social rejection. For the most part, extroverts would be more likely to encounter more social situations, and thus get rejected more. But more often, they would like to be in social situations anyways. Introverts on the most part, would not frequently engage social situations and would be more likely to be nervous. It's a newer environment. But again, like you said, and what I think the article points out, is that this is not 100% for everyone  That's the beauty of individuality, where we are all different and respond differently to certain scenarios.


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## Riccin

I am a INFP, and i have a very hard time dating E's. I have never successfully dated one, although i have gone on dates with lots of them. 

I think for lots of I's its not a problem, but i have such strong feelings about conflict avoidance that E's are very hard for me to deal with. They don't always deal well with my need for space, and i can't handle constant communication and hanging out so often. 

I recently read on another site that the ideally E's and I's should be in relationships together. It's interesting to me because its so opposite of what i have found to be true.


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## pluto

avalanche183 said:


> I see the logic behind the argument for introverts being more inclined to be afraid of social rejection. For the most part, extroverts would be more likely to encounter more social situations, and thus get rejected more. But more often, they would like to be in social situations anyways. Introverts on the most part, would not frequently engage social situations and would be more likely to be nervous. It's a newer environment. But again, like you said, and what I think the article points out, is that this is not 100% for everyone  That's the beauty of individuality, where we are all different and respond differently to certain scenarios.


Yes, of course. I see the logic behind it as well. However, personality typing has serious limitations in terms of what it can predict or assume about individuals or their motives. That is why it's so important that it not be used to make generalizations which often go beyond the scope of its capacity. However, that is done often, both in articles and everywhere else, so it's always refreshing when it is pointed out that individual differences do exist. 

I also wonder to what degree the other functions may affect this. Perhaps there are some introvert types (when taking into account all 4 letters of personality) who may be more inclined to fear rejection than others, because certain introverts are much more likely to be social rebels who have no concern for acceptance. I'm also curious how "rejection" is being defined. Does it mean that in a social situation, you are ignored or treated badly? Or that once it's over, no one pursues further contact? Or that you are just seen as an oddity to be avoided by society in general? Exactly what? 

Despite the degree to which I limit my contact with others, social situations do not make me nervous at all (they just bore and drain me), and I am not "shy" either, both of which are normally assumed to be introvert characteristics. I think there is probably a tendency for statistics to show more of a correlation between introversion and these characteristics, however, as we have both pointed out, it is certainly not true in every case. :wink: And I can't help but wonder how many cases are actually fear of rejection, or simply exhausting boredom. And I'm quite certain that we could find this to be an issue for extroverts as well, who, it would seem, are much more dependent on acceptance from others. I love being rejected socially, because it means no one will bother me and start making demands on me. :tongue:


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## totefee

mortabunt said:


> An INTP girl, I didn't know you "ladies" existed.


No, we exist. But I'm trying to figure out if you're joking or for real.


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## 1057

i'll probably get some shit for this -- i will never date an E. being friends with them is one thing, but being in a relationship, no no. it would be so exhausting and frustrating.


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## Fanille

Emotionally unstable Introverts are Sober and emotionally unstable Extraverts are Optimistic? 

I guess that means us Introverts should get drunk and Extraverts should be more pessimistic?

This is the first time I've ever heard the word "optimistic" used in a bad way.


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## Heather

treesee said:


> Emotionally unstable extroverts..... Hmm... sounds an awful lot like the ENTP description.....


:crazy: Yes, it does!


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## Baby Barooo

Im an ENFP when IM feeeling well, but I was rescently depessed and then I was an INFP according to the test. I think I and E are changeable. An E feeling unwell can get depressed in social situation since the E lost part of the social capacity and feel less valuable.


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## Sybyll

MannyP said:


> Emotionally unstable Introverts are Sober and emotionally unstable Extraverts are Optimistic?
> 
> I guess that means us Introverts should get drunk and Extraverts should be more pessimistic?
> 
> This is the first time I've ever heard the word "optimistic" used in a bad way.


I wondered about that, too... Maybe they meant overly sober/optimistic?


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## kept81213

It didn't really always make sense to me when it says that introverts don't get stimulated by going out or that extroverts don't get taxed by staying out, so when I read Keirsey's description I liked it a lot better. He says that the introvert/extrovert actually goes with your T or F. For example, I am an extroverted Thinker, and my friends and family would tell you that I say almost everything I think, whereas my best friend who is a extroverted feeler shares whatever she's feeling aloud constantly. On the opposite spectrum, introverted thinkers are careful when they speak and don't say whatever comes into their heads and introverted feelers do the same, but in "feelings". 

I like being out, but I often will get tired and just want to be alone for a while, which is technically not the description of an extrovert and I know plenty of IF's and IT's who don't get that tired when they go out. It probably also differs based on the family you grew up with, and your experiences. But I think that Keirsey's explanation makes a lot more sense. You'd probably have an easier time talking to strangers if you're an extrovert, but you can easily be out with people for a long time and not talk to strangers. I just thought his theory was very interesting.


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## Tridentus

im not touchy!! how DARE YOU


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## Tridentus

Baby Barooo said:


> Im an ENFP when IM feeeling well, but I was rescently depessed and then I was an INFP according to the test. I think I and E are changeable. An E feeling unwell can get depressed in social situation since the E lost part of the social capacity and feel less valuable.


im the same. i think its just ENFPs because we are so changeable. if im in a situation where i dont connect with certain people i get depressed and all i want to do is be alone so i can manage my emotions, wheras if im feeling happy with life all i want to do is talk to people and find out about them. i once made friends with a drifter, he was sleeping under a tree and i was waiting to attend a job interview and i fancied a bit of a chat. turns out he had worked for the hell's angels or whatever theyre called. such a nice guy, he told me off for littering!!


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## Baby Barooo

I love being extrovert, and as I am temporarily unemployed I suffer depraved from social life. SInce bf is I he is not as fond of talking about everything and nothing as I am, but it doesn't have to be a problem. I try to met at least one talkative friend a day to fill that need. 
When I alone I always have my messenger window open, turn on radio and sometimes even talk to the dogs


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## Kisshoten

treesee said:


> Emotionally unstable extroverts..... Hmm... sounds an awful lot like the ENTP description.....



My thoughts exactly.


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## Blissfulwish

> Extroverts and Introverts
> 
> Knowing your style and a man’s will make a huge difference in knowing how a particular man likes to be related to, especially if those ways of interacting are different from your own.
> 
> If you have a partner who is an introvert and you know the most important thing to introverts is to be understood, making a conscious effort to empathize with your partner and letting them know that you understand what their intention was, will make them feel understood by you. That is why understanding someone’ style of relating is so important.
> When a person feels understood, they will allow you to influence them. This works with both singles and couples
> Likewise, if you know someone is extroverted, and likes to be validated, and you make it a point to emphasize to them those qualities about them that you like and those nice things that they do, they will feel cherished by you; and, as a result, the will want to spend more time with you and want to be in your presence. When I suggest this to some women, they inevitable reply, “That’s just playing games.”
> 
> To this I reply, yes, it is, but we need to define what you mean by playing games. If you mean your intention is to take
> advantage of someone and injure them for your benefit, with no thought or concern for their well being, then, yes, that form of playing games is horrible. But if you mean by playing games that you are not completely disclosing every thought to some one, I would tell you that this method of playing games is more a measure of being mature because, within a marriage or with singles, timing is a key ingredient toward creating intimacy.


I agree with this fully ^_^


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## Mutatio NOmenis

Baby Barooo said:


> I love being extrovert, and as I am temporarily unemployed I suffer depraved social life.


 Satanic blood orgies?


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## Outcode

Gahhhh I have a lot of the emotionally unstable introverted qualities >.>


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## Sonny

avalanche183 said:


> *Introvert personality traits*
> 
> Introverts are usually energized by being alone, private, and quiet. Introverts are more sensitive to social rejection, and don't always see the world as a safe place.
> 
> Emotionally stable introverts are:
> 
> 
> Passive
> Careful
> Thoughtful
> Controlled
> Reliable
> Even-tempered
> Calm
> Emotionally unstable introverts can be:
> 
> 
> Quiet
> Pessimistic
> Unsociable
> Sober
> Rigid
> Moody
> Anxious
> Reserved
> *Extrovert personality traits*
> Extroverts tend to be energized by groups of people, conversation, and activity. Extroverts are less sensitive to rejection, and see the world as a safer place.
> 
> Emotionally stable extroverts are:
> 
> 
> Sociable
> Outgoing
> Talkative
> Responsive
> Easygoing
> Lively
> Carefree
> Leaderlike
> Emotionally unstable extroverts can be:
> 
> 
> Active
> Optimistic
> Impulsive
> Changeable
> Excitable
> Aggressive
> Restless
> Touchy
> ​


These definitions aren't related to MBTI, while there is some cross-over it's using non-MBTI definitions of introversion and extroversion.

Just consider these statements: _"Introverts are more sensitive to social rejection" & "Extroverts are less sensitive to rejection"_

Then apply it to an ENFP vs an INTJ.

The part about understanding your partners preference is totally valid and important though.

Ps: Why is 'optimistic' under unstable extroverts?


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## OCDTC12

Tridentus said:


> im the same. i think its just ENFPs because we are so changeable. if im in a situation where i dont connect with certain people i get depressed and all i want to do is be alone so i can manage my emotions, wheras if im feeling happy with life all i want to do is talk to people and find out about them. i once made friends with a drifter, he was sleeping under a tree and i was waiting to attend a job interview and i fancied a bit of a chat. turns out he had worked for the hell's angels or whatever theyre called. such a nice guy, he told me off for littering!!



Of all the letters, I think E/I are the most flexible, which is ironic because it's the letter of Myers-Briggs that I think the most people who aren't Myers-Briggs-savvy know about, and it's generally how they classify people. I sometimes feel very "I" when I'm upset, but my NFJ are pretty constant. It seems weird that so many people classify others by that letter.


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## TaylorS

I'm definitely an emotionally unstable introvert.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

^All IN's are, according to the article. The colloquial ways to define introvert and extravert are not even close to MBTI definitions.


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## Dreamer

I think it would be quite diffucult to live with someone the opposite as you.


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## Caila

It's trouble for me to be in love with an extrovert, screw that. I'm too introverted and nuts to be in love with an extrovert. They always seem so stable and outgoing and happy, and cheery. I can hardly be friends with extroverts unless they're extreme intuitives.


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## josephlouthan

imru2 said:


> [/left]
> Maybe if I could do that, it would work better for me. I always end up somewhere with some E and they are having such a splendid time and looking so thoroughly energized, I feel like I'm ruining their fun if I speak up and suggest that maybe we leave sometime soon.


I am that E you speak of. Sure, I am energized by the all the people there. But I do understand how you feel as well. Just tug on my coat and I will start to make my rounds of goodbyes and we can get out of there for sure.

I might have to talk about the night on the way back... in a very joyful way.


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## JH2459

The only men I've ever loved have all been I's , well actually INTJ's. On every test I've ever done, I come up 100% extrovert, so it's been a bit of an issue. I think I overwhelm them or something with all my enthusiasm. I'm an ENTP borderline J. 

I've even been shushed by one of those bf's. That one didn't last long.


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## LeelooDallas

I prefer being with I guys but I have dated E's before. Although the relationships with other E's have always been super fun, they also weren't as deep as the ones I've had with I's. not that we extroverts can't be deep, but when both people are out on the go, ripping and running it leaves very little time for one on one bonding time.


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## momidoll

jochris said:


> We statistically represent 1% of the female population, so we're a bit of a rare find. Not all of us are ungroomed either.


Finally, someone else has recognized this.


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## Miraji

mutatio nomenis said:


> i am apparently, an emotionally unstable introvert. Get away! I'm going to die...


loooooooooool


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## Rose Lama

Im gonna be honest Im an Introvert that sometimes has Extrovert tendencies. I would say Im a stable Introvert but theres NO WAY i would like another Introvert as a partner, i get bored . I have found myself attracted to extrovert guys. I perfer him doing the hitting and calling the shots, not me- I just play hard to get XD


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## Rose Lama

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> I am apparently, an emotionally unstable introvert. GET AWAY! I'm going to die...


OMG! :crazy:


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## thisisme

fantastic! i'm apparently unstable... :crazy:


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## FaithfulWife

I'm an introvert and I'm married to an introvert. Man I would not trade it for anything in the WORLD. I was with an extrovert and it drove me crazy. He always wanted to "go out" and be with people, and I ended up constantly off balance and exhausted. I love people...but let me observe at a distance! :tongue:

Anyway, my Dear Hubby and I play online games side by side, watch sci-fi or old movies, read books out loud to each other...and in the comfy haven of HOME! YAY! 

This tickled me: 

_ Emotionally stable introverts are:
_ 

_Passive_
_Careful_
_Thoughtful_
_Controlled_
_Reliable_
_Even-tempered_
_Calm_
I would HARDLY say that I'm passive or careful :tongue: but I know I'm pretty peaceful and easy-going. Envision Jimmy Buffett with some Kenny Chesney on the side and that's me! And darn it I'm not thoughtful--I'm FEELIE!


_Emotionally unstable introverts can be:
_ 

_Quiet_
_Pessimistic_
_Unsociable_
_Sober_
_Rigid_
_Moody_
_Anxious_
_Reserved_
Sober? Really? LOL Man we sound kinda morose in that description. Was this list made by an Extrovert by chance?


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## Female INFJ

i am an introvert that really enjoys acting like an extrovert. should i find another extrovert? i like ENFJ and i am INFJ. but somewhere i found a lack of connection, and i don't know what it was? maybe he is the wrong ENFJ. i really don't want to be indoors all the time. i like to deep connect with people, is this too much for an Extrovert? should introverts stay with introverts? can they have fun together? [confused]


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## Kitten

I'm an extrovert with an introverted boyfriend, and not only do we have the E/I difference, but it's a BIG difference - his introverted score on MBTI tests always seems to be at 100%, and my extroverted score on MBTI tests always seems to be somewhere in the 80's. 

...And yet I love his introverted-ness! <3 I love hanging out with other extroverts because I find they're the easiest for me to have a great and funny time around, but for some reason I can't really see myself being in a romantic relationship with another extrovert. :mellow: 
This may be partially because I consider myself kind of an "introverted extrovert", which I know other extroverts here should be able to identify with... from the outside to the inside, I go from extrovert to introvert - the more personally close you get with me, the more of my serious, introverted side you'll see.
I love being with people, but at the same time, I need my good healthy dose of quiet, calm, imagining and thinking time - and a lovely introvert is someone I can share those experiences with. <3

My introverted boyfriend worries that I won't enjoy being with him because he's not very sociable and doesn't get out much, but I won't mind. I know what his personality's like, and I very much accept it. :3 He says he enjoys being with an extrovert because it "feels very refreshing to be with someone who's not locked up inside herself", and I enjoy being with an introvert because I love the way his mind works and the calm, special moments we're able to share.


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## Female INFJ

Kitten said:


> I'm an extrovert with an introverted boyfriend, and not only do we have the E/I difference, but it's a BIG difference - his introverted score on MBTI tests always seems to be at 100%, and my extroverted score on MBTI tests always seems to be somewhere in the 80's.
> 
> ...And yet I love his introverted-ness! <3 I love hanging out with other extroverts because I find they're the easiest for me to have a great and funny time around, but for some reason I can't really see myself being in a romantic relationship with another extrovert. :mellow:
> This may be partially because I consider myself kind of an "introverted extrovert", which I know other extroverts here should be able to identify with... from the outside to the inside, I go from extrovert to introvert - the more personally close you get with me, the more of my serious, introverted side you'll see.
> I love being with people, but at the same time, I need my good healthy dose of quiet, calm, imagining and thinking time - and a lovely introvert is someone I can share those experiences with. <3
> 
> My introverted boyfriend worries that I won't enjoy being with him because he's not very sociable and doesn't get out much, but I won't mind. I know what his personality's like, and I very much accept it. :3 He says he enjoys being with an extrovert because it "feels very refreshing to be with someone who's not locked up inside herself", and I enjoy being with an introvert because I love the way his mind works and the calm, special moments we're able to share.


This sounds ideal for me...i am an extroverted introvert i think? do extroverts have intuition and deep thinking also? how do you both communicate together? i guess it is a balance? do you feel outgoing sometimes, and he is uncomfortable with that?


----------



## Aqualung

It usually worked out well for me dating extroverts but one hated that I was an introvert. It embarrassed her. She was always dragging me off to her friend's parties & berating me later for not charming/entertaining them. Being social was a source of pride for her & I was not social. Especially around drunken ********. She broke it off several times until I moved on & found someone else. She freaked out that I didn't go crawling back to her. Anyway...well, as per usual I turn one comment into a story. Sorry folks, gonna work on that. :wink: Gosh, give me a computer & I'm an extrovert.


----------



## Kitten

Female INFJ said:


> This sounds ideal for me...i am an extroverted introvert i think? do extroverts have intuition and deep thinking also? how do you both communicate together? i guess it is a balance? do you feel outgoing sometimes, and he is uncomfortable with that?


Well, it depends... why exactly do you feel like you're an extroverted introvert? :3 But if you are, I imagine that would make being in a relationship with an extrovert easier. Particularly if you were an extroverted introvert with an introverted extrovert! XDDD

Of course extroverts have intuition and deep thinking too. ^^ I think ALL extroverts are capable of having some introverted characteristics, and vice versa. It just depends on the person. As for the intuition specifically.. well, that's why there's ENxx types. Actually, there was a thread just recently on the ENFP forum about how seemingly odd of a combination it was to be both E and N... :mellow:

As for communicating with my introverted boyfriend... well, since I'm an ENFP and he's an INFP, the difference between my extrovertedness and his introvertedness is really the only huge difference between our two mindsets. ^^ So I find communicating with him very easy... he's a very good listener when I'm all talkative and energetic, and it's really funny when I'm even able to get HIM in an energetic mood! :tongue: And then when I'm in a calmer, more speculative mood, then it's easy for us to have a very thoughtful discussion. It's a very nice balance.

He says he doesn't mind me being outgoing - like I said in my previous post, he said it's very refreshing, actually. XD He said that he LIKES that I'm different than him - he likes my energy. And at the same time, I also like that he's different from me - nobody can calm me down better than him when I need it, and it's so easy to feel comfortable and happy with him without having to say anything at all. <3
I don't expect him to go to big parties with me or whatever... I don't want to force him to do anything. XD It just depends on what he does or doesn't want to do. It's alright with me. ^^


----------



## Lady K

I'm curious as to why "optimistic" is listed as a trait of an emotionally unstable extrovert...


----------



## Darner

I was never in a (love) relationship with an extrovert (works very nicely for a friend relationship though) but my parents are prototypes. They function quite good together, of course the E and I characteristic still annoys them, but they learned how to cope with that. For example, even in their fifties, she takes him to parties, after approx. 15 minutes he goes out to stare at the ocean and she explains to all people around, that he is not a weirdo, I always find their stories after a party night so funny :crazy:. But otherwise yeah, I think opposites attract.


----------



## LilyFlower09

Lady K said:


> I'm curious as to why "optimistic" is listed as a trait of an emotionally unstable extrovert...


I was thinking the same thing. It doesn't seem like a problem to me if there optimistic.


----------



## vel

MannyP said:


> Emotionally unstable Introverts are Sober and emotionally unstable Extraverts are Optimistic?
> 
> I guess that means us Introverts should get drunk and Extraverts should be more pessimistic?


I don't think this is going to work well for the first date - you get drunk and your date meanwhile starts telling you that future is bleak and all is hopeless. That is going to be one teary evening.


----------



## stareingharder

I'm definitely an introvert and I don't know if I could be with an extrovert. I just don't think we'd be compatible.


----------



## OneiricEntropy

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> I have to agree that DSM discriminates against INT's. It gives the INTP type in particular a stigma of schizoid. Even if we are normal INTP's, we're still classified as having psychological issues. Then you get a bunch of E psychologists who don't do anything except give you medications that really turn you schizoid and say that you need more friends. ALthough in a way, because I'm really high I, I need a moderate E, because I can't connct well with people. The world really likes to make INTP's feeling like broken, worthless shit.


HUG. I appreciate you.


----------



## CrimsonIce

The more you have in common with life values, the easier it is to blend with each other. Personalities still do play a role, I don't think I want mix with some personalities for long term.


----------



## igloo123

Maybe the likelihood of a fruitful relationship between an I and an E is greater if the I/E function of each partner is closer to the 50% mark in comparison to those whose I and E functions are at farther ends of the spectrum.


----------



## Pyroscope

I don't really agree that extraverts desire introverts and vice-versa but maybe this thought has come about because introvert-introvert partnerships inherently have less chance of happening because introverts are less likely to make their romantic feelings known? Doesn't really explain why extraverts would go for introverts though. Maybe they feel like another extravert would steal the limelight from them?
Thus far I don't think I've dated a single introvert because I find it difficult to initiate these things. Personally however I've always found them draining because they seem to want to talk more than I do. It's weird though, as soon as the relationship begins then they seem to think we need to be talking most of the time every day. Once you factor in the fact that sometimes I don't speak to anyone at all some days or only give brief responses (I get moods where I don't even want verbal contact with people because it's effort to maintain when I don't really feel I have much to say to them) then you can see why many of them didn't work out... I'd really love to date an introvert but so far none have approached me :sad:


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## Kalifornia310

i show charactristics of both a stable and unstable Extrovert! SO I WILL ASSUME that when im in a bad mood i exhibit negative charactristics and when im in a good mood i show positive characterictics

therefore I am...


----------



## agreenbough

I know this is an old thread...

My perspective on "optimism" being seen as an unstable extrovert trait is this: 

"I" complains in a mild way about something minor. "E" says, "Oh, it's not that bad. Life is all sunshine and roses for you, compared to So&So. You should be happy."

"I" complains in a mild way or simply states feelings about a real problem. "E" says, "Oh, you should look on the bright side, it's not as bad as all that. Look for the silver lining. It's a blessing in disguise."

Anything that could be construed in an even remotely negative way is diminished by "E" and "I" is told to "accentuate the positive."

It's the PollyAnna type attitude that is the unstable trait. They really seem to think keeping a positive attitude will fix anything. (And in case you're wondering, I have at least one specific person in mind, from where I got my examples. I did not make them up.)

The end result is that "I" stops talking to "E" about anything deeper than the weather. "E" never notices this change.


----------



## Kalifornia310

agreenbough said:


> I know this is an old thread...
> 
> My perspective on "optimism" being seen as an unstable extrovert trait is this:
> 
> "I" complains in a mild way about something minor. "E" says, "Oh, it's not that bad. Life is all sunshine and roses for you, compared to So&So. You should be happy."
> 
> "I" complains in a mild way or simply states feelings about a real problem. "E" says, "Oh, you should look on the bright side, it's not as bad as all that. Look for the silver lining. It's a blessing in disguise."
> 
> Anything that could be construed in an even remotely negative way is diminished by "E" and "I" is told to "accentuate the positive."
> 
> It's the PollyAnna type attitude that is the unstable trait. They really seem to think keeping a positive attitude will fix anything. (And in case you're wondering, I have at least one specific person in mind, from where I got my examples. I did not make them up.)
> 
> The end result is that "I" stops talking to "E" about anything deeper than the weather. "E" never notices this change.


OMFG!!!! is this why a certain "I" that I know wont talk to me?! I did notice the shift in our relationship, I just didnt know why there was a shift.. I will need to talk to him immediately.. and apologize.. 

BUT!! being optimistic is my "go to" method of coping with anything, therefore its the first solution to anything negative! 

MY QUESTION TO YOU AGREENBOUGH: if an introvert states something negative, regardless of how minor it is.... what do i say? my first reaction is to console with optimism, but if that is going to reduce my relationship with him, what do i do? 
I would like to fix my unstable tendency to always look on the brightside.. 

however.. the validations for my optimisim is.. We ALL go through hardships i life.. thats a given, but we also overcome these hardships, in my eyes, its a waste of energy to be negative, or sad, or angry.. because sooner or later, that negative situation or hardship will go away.. so in knowing that, I like to stay happy and positive through them. 

 I look forward to your response! i would greatly like to know how to fix this relationship.


----------



## agreenbough

I don't consider healthy optimism a bad trait at all. As you said, stuff happens, no need to dwell on it. I hate being around people who are constantly and consistently negative, and I've made a conscious decision not to be that way. I'm basically a happy person, when I'm not ruminating over the tragic state of being - haha. 

However, I've noticed (and maybe it's because I'm married to an ESTJ with a painfully bright attitude, and my MIL is the same way), that it's almost like I'm not allowed to have negative feelings about anything and so must keep them to myself. They see any complaint or trace of negativity as some sort of failing on my part, from "It's hot in here" to "My company is downsizing and I fear I may lose my job". Like I should just get over it and grin stupidly. And it really makes me just not want to share anything with them. It's like they're in Lala Land or something. No rain will be allowed to fall on their parade. 

Having said that, using optimism as a coping tool is a good thing - I do it myself, and I think it's effective. But it shouldn't be used to blot out everything bad and pretend it doesn't exist. Negativity exists. Life isn't all sunshine and daisies. At least acknowledge that before going on to the silver lining.

It's great that you have noticed a shift in your relationship that you spoke of. I guess the trick is to acknowldege negative feelings as valid, without turning the situation into a pity party and catching a negative mood yourself. Maybe say something like, "I can see why that's bugging you, it would bother me, too." Maybe ask a couple of questions. Say something like, "I hope it works out the way you want it to. I'll be thinking of you." Let the person vent a little. Talking about it has the potential to get the feelings out, and diminish the person's negative feelings. I just want the person I'm talking to to be a little sympathetic, acknowledge my feelings as valid, and then maybe give me a bit of optimism about the situation. When you can hardly get out what's bothering you before you're told, "Oh, it's not so bad" it almost makes you feel like you've been slapped.

I think this may be more of a Mars/Venus thing, but when I tell my husband a problem, I don't want him to immediately start listing all the possible solutions. I feel like my feelings are being ignored when he does that. I really just want a little sympathy, not cold hard logic. Even something like, "Maybe tomorrow will be better." That's some mild optimism with a dash of empathy. I just want my FEELINGS to be known. Letting them out makes me feel better. If I can't let them out, they fester, and I do become negative. If I want my options listed, I'll ask. If I can't tell you anything negative, I'll probably stop sharing the positve with you as well. If you can't empathize with my pain, I may feel you can't rejoice at my good fortune and happiness, either.

We once had a flu bug going around the extended family when my kids were small. One member, who is known to be extremely difficult, was milking the situation for all the sympathy she could get, and boy was she getting it. I made a comment about how I hoped I didn't catch it because it's so hard to take care of small children when you're sick. The person doling out the most sympathy for the difficult family member snapped at me in a harsh tone, "Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!!" Excuse me!! Even a simple, "Yeah, I hope I dont' catch it either" would have been nice instead of being made to feel like I was only trying to take the spotlight off poor widdle sick sweetie.... Again, why am I not allowed to express anything even remotely negative? The sick family member is the most negative person I know and gets her every whim catered to, but I'm supposed to smile, smile, smile.

And anyhting that strikes me as Pollyanna really, really bugs. me. I have a relative who won't let anything disturb her happiness. She doesn't even seem upset when close relatives or friends die. Its' like, "Oh, he's in a better place. Time for lunch." :shocked:


----------



## agreenbough

When I said it was great theat you noticed a shift, I meant it's great you noticed, not great that there was a shift.:laughing:


----------



## Oleas

I'm an extrovert and don't tell people to look at the bright side when they feel bad about something. I ask what's wrong and we talk about it. But, I'm not a really extroverted extrovert, so that might be the reason!
I know I rarely give cliché answers like "Don't worry, it'll all work out".
I actually get along very well with introverts. I like extroverts as well but some piss me off cause they're all over the place and don't wanna have deep conversations. (I know it's a stereotype, I'm sorry!!)


----------



## Kalifornia310

agreenbough said:


> I don't consider healthy optimism a bad trait at all. As you said, stuff happens, no need to dwell on it. I hate being around people who are constantly and consistently negative, and I've made a conscious decision not to be that way. I'm basically a happy person, when I'm not ruminating over the tragic state of being - haha.
> 
> However, I've noticed (and maybe it's because I'm married to an ESTJ with a painfully bright attitude, and my MIL is the same way), that it's almost like I'm not allowed to have negative feelings about anything and so must keep them to myself. They see any complaint or trace of negativity as some sort of failing on my part, from "It's hot in here" to "My company is downsizing and I fear I may lose my job". Like I should just get over it and grin stupidly. And it really makes me just not want to share anything with them. It's like they're in Lala Land or something. No rain will be allowed to fall on their parade.
> 
> Having said that, using optimism as a coping tool is a good thing - I do it myself, and I think it's effective. But it shouldn't be used to blot out everything bad and pretend it doesn't exist. Negativity exists. Life isn't all sunshine and daisies. At least acknowledge that before going on to the silver lining.
> 
> It's great that you have noticed a shift in your relationship that you spoke of. I guess the trick is to acknowldege negative feelings as valid, without turning the situation into a pity party and catching a negative mood yourself. Maybe say something like, "I can see why that's bugging you, it would bother me, too." Maybe ask a couple of questions. Say something like, "I hope it works out the way you want it to. I'll be thinking of you." Let the person vent a little. Talking about it has the potential to get the feelings out, and diminish the person's negative feelings. I just want the person I'm talking to to be a little sympathetic, acknowledge my feelings as valid, and then maybe give me a bit of optimism about the situation. When you can hardly get out what's bothering you before you're told, "Oh, it's not so bad" it almost makes you feel like you've been slapped.
> 
> I think this may be more of a Mars/Venus thing, but when I tell my husband a problem, I don't want him to immediately start listing all the possible solutions. I feel like my feelings are being ignored when he does that. I really just want a little sympathy, not cold hard logic. Even something like, "Maybe tomorrow will be better." That's some mild optimism with a dash of empathy. I just want my FEELINGS to be known. Letting them out makes me feel better. If I can't let them out, they fester, and I do become negative. If I want my options listed, I'll ask. If I can't tell you anything negative, I'll probably stop sharing the positve with you as well. If you can't empathize with my pain, I may feel you can't rejoice at my good fortune and happiness, either.
> 
> We once had a flu bug going around the extended family when my kids were small. One member, who is known to be extremely difficult, was milking the situation for all the sympathy she could get, and boy was she getting it. I made a comment about how I hoped I didn't catch it because it's so hard to take care of small children when you're sick. The person doling out the most sympathy for the difficult family member snapped at me in a harsh tone, "Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!!" Excuse me!! Even a simple, "Yeah, I hope I dont' catch it either" would have been nice instead of being made to feel like I was only trying to take the spotlight off poor widdle sick sweetie.... Again, why am I not allowed to express anything even remotely negative? The sick family member is the most negative person I know and gets her every whim catered to, but I'm supposed to smile, smile, smile.
> 
> And anyhting that strikes me as Pollyanna really, really bugs. me. I have a relative who won't let anything disturb her happiness. She doesn't even seem upset when close relatives or friends die. Its' like, "Oh, he's in a better place. Time for lunch." :shocked:


I have become content with the relationship I have with the Introvert that is in my life. thank you for all that helpful advice. I have already utilized some of it in dealing with the introvert I am courting lol. 

 




Oleas said:


> I'm an extrovert and don't tell people to look at the bright side when they feel bad about something. I ask what's wrong and we talk about it. But, I'm not a really extroverted extrovert, so that might be the reason!
> I know I rarely give cliché answers like "Don't worry, it'll all work out".
> I actually get along very well with introverts. I like extroverts as well but some piss me off cause they're all over the place and don't wanna have deep conversations. (I know it's a stereotype, I'm sorry!!)


I love introverts too.. they admire my loud spontaneous external behavior.. thats why i keep em around me lol


----------



## SouthernBelle

I'm glad to know I am an emotionally stable extrovert, and I currently happen to be in a relationship with an introvert, and so far...it is amazing <3


----------



## Jill

like this thread.. so true that opposites attract but so often it DOES lead to conflict.. If we chose to educate ourselves on our significant other's personality type, then the relationship could be THAT much easier! good lookin out!


----------



## minavanhelsing

Hmm...Fortunately my extroverts (both romantically and non-romantically-linked) seem to have accepted that I'm just going to hover behind them--possibly clinging to their sleeve--in social situations and let them do the talking. If it really ticks them off, they haven't said so.


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## lost_in_air

Interesting article. My significant other and I are both ENFPs. We are soul mates. However, he is a stable extrovert and I am an unstable extrovert; makes for a both explosive and incredible dynamic! --- in a positive way, of course!


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## dar.ling

I like dating extroverted Ns. Since they're optimistic and lively, I feel optimistic and lively.
They help me get out of my shell too.
I tried dating introverts but it was just a little too boring.


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## thirtiesgirl

Introvert here. Having dated and been in relationships with my share of both introverts and extroverts, my preference is usually for introverts like me. When it comes to making friends, though, I generally prefer extroverts. They're just easier to get to know and tend to make conversation flow more easily than introverts...at least initial conversations when getting to know someone. I'm not often able to have deeper conversations about deeper personal issues with extroverts. I had one extroverted friend for about 10 years with whom I had some pretty deep personal conversations, but she was the rare exception. During the last 2 years of our friendship, though, she became much more unstable both as an extrovert and just in general, due to other things going on in her life, and we eventually ended our friendship. I've had a few meaningful friendships with introverts over the years (although they were hard to develop), and we were both able to share deep, personal issues with each other that helped our friendship grow.

...Thought I'd add... extroverts are usually better at flirting, though, which can be fun in the early stages of dating. Building a relationship, though... I tend to find that I prefer to do so with introverts like me, rather than extroverts. I need to spend time with someone who understands my need for downtime and needs some himself, rather than having a constant need to go out and be around other people.


----------



## Rez

*Balance: Inferiority and Confidence*

In the case of Extroverts and Introverts not working out. The issue is not about love, it is about one partner have a high inferiority complex and low confidence while the other partner has a low inferiority complex and high confidence. These two terms of social expression can't be ignored, dealing with this will aid in developing a stronger bond with extroverts and introverts or whoever else is out there. 


Dig Deep

It will Hurt

Do it


Answers are worth nothing without the journey that encases our final words to one another


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## Darner

Oh man, I think I'm emotionally immature (not in ISTP sense, in general sense). I always always fall for even bigger introverts than me. And then - to try and make something work and dig out the other person - I always have to force out of myself all the extroversion there is, so when something finally happens, I'm all exhausted and I expect the other person to do something. But they expect me to continue with my energetic cheering so they're shocked why did I suddenly change so much. At this point in the relationship, it usually happens that we discover we don't have anything to talk about. 

But extroverts are so great ... they always have something to talk about, I want one and I don't know, why they're not attractive to me? Maybe because they're so out-there and don't have the "added mistery" of an introvert?


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## Zeptometer

Regan said:


> i'll probably get some shit for this -- i will never date an E. being friends with them is one thing, but being in a relationship, no no. it would be so exhausting and frustrating.


Booooooooo.... 

But not ENFJ's or ESFJ's, they'd be too caught up with Fe


----------



## Zeptometer

Darner said:


> But extroverts are so great ... they always have something to talk about, I want one and I don't know, why they're not attractive to me? Maybe because they're so out-there and don't have the "added mistery" of an introvert?


Try a threesome with an ENFP and INTJ or INFJ


/(Kind-of) kidding

Hey, I would do it either MFF or MMF, who cares


----------



## Darner

Jesus, this sounds scary! Would an INTJ even want to go in a threesome? And I'm not sure what would two N's do to me ... maybe start with roleplay on half the way (although that sounds fun)?


----------



## Zeptometer

Darner said:


> Jesus, this sounds scary! Would an INTJ even want to go in a threesome? And I'm not sure what would two N's do to me ... maybe start with roleplay on half the way (although that sounds fun)?


That or some really REALLY intimate sex


----------



## Darner

Let me take this a little bit further ... Me having sex with an INTJ and ENFP and even INFJ as you suggest would make out a threesome or foursome ... so actually what you're talkin about is a *really* intimate orgy. Sounds like the best paradox ever.


----------



## Zeptometer

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> I have to agree that DSM discriminates against INT's. It gives the INTP type in particular a stigma of schizoid. Even if we are normal INTP's, we're still classified as having psychological issues. Then you get a bunch of E psychologists who don't do anything except give you medications that really turn you schizoid and say that you need more friends. ALthough in a way, because I'm really high I, I need a moderate E, because I can't connct well with people. The world really likes to make INTP's feeling like broken, worthless shit.


Dawwww... me too...

I don't know any INTP's, but you guys seem adorable...

That being said, many things seem adorable to an ENFP.

But it's not as easy for everyone else. I mean, look at us NFP's. We don't always get the love we strive for...


----------



## Zeptometer

Darner said:


> Let me take this a little bit further ... Me having sex with an INTJ and ENFP and even INFJ as you suggest would make out a threesome or foursome ... so actually what you're talkin about is a *really* intimate orgy. Sounds like the best paradox ever.


And what I've always wanted... I just need an INTJ girlfriend who maybe is feeling a bit uncharacteristically horny or something, and my friends and I have decided we're going to do it.

2 ENFP's
+
1 INFJ
+
1 INTJ
=
Made of win

and even better if one of the ENFP's was an _SFP, though the INTJ might object. 


But yeah, you're jealous, aren't you? ;D At least of the orgy part, if not the intimacy that would be there.


----------



## Darner

Jealous? Not a little. But the thought of having sex with three N's at the same time freaks me out. But xSTPs are supposed to be hazardous, so why not


----------



## Zeptometer

Darner said:


> Jealous? Not a little. But the thought of having sex with three N's at the same time freaks me out. But xSTPs are supposed to be hazardous, so why not


But... you wouldn't want to be in an orgy? typical Introvert..

EDIT: Oh! lol, I see. Well, maybe I'll try to get my female ESFP friend to tag along  Thank god for high school, where magic happens


----------



## renna

The start of this thread reminds me of an article called "Potential Strengths & Problems for Couples Based on Type Pairing"..... 

For an E/I pairing it said: 


The E and I recharge differently so our preferred social activities differ.
The E wants to process problems out loud at the time; the I wants to process the problems internally before sharing his/her thoughts.
The E wants contact time when the I wants alone time.
The E does not comprehend or respect the I's need for physical, emotional and intellectual privacy.
The I runs out of energy paying attention to all of the E's observations.
The E is impatient with the I's slowness to respond and the I feels crowded by the E's demand for action.

I am married to an ENTP and as far as being with an E, the main conflict we have is him not backing off when I need physical or mental space. Its hard for him to back off and he feels rejected. I have to make sure I am giving him a good amount of affection & attention or he becomes like an "unstable E". 

However, as far as social goes, ENTP's (as I've heard) are the most introvert of the E types. He only wants to hang out with people who match his intelect or those he knows really well. Because of my strong desire for harmony, I tend to want to go out more with people I don't know as well as to build up a relationship. I have a tendency to ignore my need to restore my little energy battery... so therefore I become an "unstable introvert" in the end....


----------



## Napoleptic

fireheat said:


> Thank god for high school, where magic happens


This may be the only time I've seen that sentiment... :crazy:

Society's view of introversion really does not help the E/I conflict. I have an introverted friend (INTP) who still, months after I've explained it to him, cannot seem to get it through his head that when I'm talking about introversion/extroversion, I'm talking about where people get their energy. It's not a complex concept, but even when people are introverts themselves it's still a difficult one to grasp when society tells you day in and day out that extroverts are outgoing and introverts have some sort of social disorder.  I wish there was a famous TV/book/video game character who's super energetic and crazy outgoing, but who voices the need to stay at home to recharge. It might not be an accurate depiction of how many introverts *behave*, but it would at least help people get the general idea of what's going on *internally*. Introversion is *not* a behavior; it merely influences it.

Trying to explain introversion to my boss is how I initially stumbled across Myers-Briggs, and it's still the biggest thing I can't get people to understand about it. It makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes.


----------



## nerdy.trisha

ok, im emotionally unstable then >.< news to me  haha


----------



## March Cat

Napoleptic said:


> This may be the only time I've seen that sentiment... :crazy:
> 
> Society's view of introversion really does not help the E/I conflict. I have an introverted friend (INTP) who still, months after I've explained it to him, cannot seem to get it through his head that when I'm talking about introversion/extroversion, I'm talking about where people get their energy. It's not a complex concept, but even when people are introverts themselves it's still a difficult one to grasp when society tells you day in and day out that extroverts are outgoing and introverts have some sort of social disorder.  I wish there was a famous TV/book/video game character who's super energetic and crazy outgoing, but who voices the need to stay at home to recharge. It might not be an accurate depiction of how many introverts *behave*, but it would at least help people get the general idea of what's going on *internally*. Introversion is *not* a behavior; it merely influences it.
> 
> Trying to explain introversion to my boss is how I initially stumbled across Myers-Briggs, and it's still the biggest thing I can't get people to understand about it. It makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes.


Yes, yes, yes! I know exactly what you mean. Whenever I mention the word "introvert" people around me instantly think "socially-retarded loner". It's very difficult to try to explain the need for personal time when we're constantly being told that the only way to make yourself happier is by spending more time with friends.


----------



## Napoleptic

The March Cat said:


> Whenever I mention the word "introvert" people around me instantly think "socially-retarded loner". It's very difficult to try to explain the need for personal time when we're constantly being told that the only way to make yourself happier is by spending more time with friends.


Well said. I think it would be much easier to deal with people not getting it if there wasn't such a social stigma on the term introvert.


----------



## nerdy.trisha

I've had a crush on an ENFP for a while, and he knows 
but yeah, that's my biggest concern if fate says we should give each other a chance. Him being out there, and me being... well, out there also, but inside my own head, if that makes sence 
and the whole thing where he'd want to go out and I'd want to stay in and watch a movie or something. haha, but I guess that's what that stuff is all about. compromise and learning to love each other


----------



## renna

Napoleptic said:


> I think it would be much easier to deal with people not getting it if there wasn't such a social stigma on the term introvert.


For sure! I really don't even like getting into the whole discussion of Introverts when people ask what I am because they usually don't believe me because of this stigma. To people, I look like a social butterfly.... Do I really think I am? Heck no. Everyone says, "But you're not an introvert because you have good characteristic skills." Wow so all introverts are wall-flowers? Now, don't get me wrong, I've seen introverts who have put bad labels on us because they CHOOSE to be wall-flowers and don't talk at all. So now everyone thinks ALL introverts are like that. I'm usually patient with extremely shy introverts because I know deep down, they long to be more extraverted... they just don't know how to tap into that function well and yet be comefortable at the same time. We have access to ALL functions. Just have to be comfortable using them. 

I wonder what these extremely shy introverts are more attracted to? Extreme extraverts or more extraverted introverts?


----------



## Napoleptic

renna said:


> I'm usually patient with extremely shy introverts because I know deep down, they long to be more extraverted...


Nope, I'd rather not rely on other people for energy.


----------



## renna

Napoleptic said:


> Nope, I'd rather not rely on other people for energy.


I'm talking about the shy people that I've known for years. The friends who always show up to the parties but just sit there and observe. I've known them for years but can count how many deep conversations I've actually had with them.... those are the ones I'm patient for.


----------



## Napoleptic

Then you meant introverts who are also shy? Because introversion doesn't automatically mean shy.


----------



## renna

Napoleptic said:


> Then you meant introverts who are also shy? Because introversion doesn't automatically mean shy.


Yes introverts that are automatically shy.


----------



## graciemullins

This is interesting


----------



## dubbish

ahh, i feel like me and my istj (exact opposite of me o_o) boyfriend understand each other pretty well in terms of alone time and hang out time. he's more extroverted than his results suggested, though. a lot of the time, he'll be the one wanting to go out or stay at the party longer ;p haha.


----------



## chinese man

sucks to be in the minority eh... but then again not always


----------



## Kr3m1in

I think I prefer extroverts, just because I am extremely extroverted, and I always need to be meeting some strangers/going to social events/throwing parties/having people over. Not many introverts can keep up. They usually look at me like i am some wonder of the world when I just do what I do socially. I always get asked how I just go up to random people and strike up conversations. I just do, it's interesting to me.
I have dated one introvert, that was obsessed with art galleries and museums and independent film. Which is all good, and interesting to me as well, but you get there and everybody is overdressed and quiet and looking all inspired. I just want to talk about what's inspiring, not just stand there in awe and walk away and never speak of it again.
They have got a lot of cool minds, introverts, but getting them to open up can be like pulling teeth, even if you are dating them. Those that are not completely socially awkward i can handle. If you hide behind me the whole party though, we have a problem.


----------



## LadyElle

As an introvert, I truly enjoy observing extroverts, but I don't know about a relationship with one...
I would rather have a partner for people watching, than someone dragging me into the action. 
I do think it depends on how gentle the extrovert is with my feelings, though. 

Once, an extrovert threw me a surprise party. I was unprepared for the social stimulation. There are many off-guard photos of that night with my face displaying a pained look. Too many people.


----------



## MJ Gray

Surprise party (cringe)

I'm very comfortable around E's, they're a lot of fun. But I think what makes a good relationship is a lot more complicated than the difference between E's and I's. I've dated various examples of both and none of them worked for various reasons. 

So, I have no preferece. I think it's purely whatever works for the individual.


----------



## CloudChaserKite

Interesting post. I think I had some of the unstable extrovert traits


----------



## Kr3m1in

CloudChaserKite said:


> Interesting post. I think I had some of the unstable extrovert traits


I love how 'optimistic' was listed as an unstable trait...I might have that one too, and may fail to see why that's such a bad thing.


----------



## hereandnow

a relationship with an E is definitely do-able given enough space and alone time. I found it alot of fun actually! Much easier to open up once you get to know her. It was all fine and dandy when it was just the two of us but when we went out to social gatherings it was alot harder..


----------



## justcritic

Extroverts are great in social interactions, but they tend to make bad decisions or may appear to be shallow. But I prefer extroverts as friends than introverts. We're too quiet and not really spontaneous. Extroverts add some spice to my life. Salsa anyone? 8D


----------



## Pyroscope

David Lee said:


> Extroverts are great in social interactions, but they tend to make bad decisions or may appear to be shallow. But I prefer extroverts as friends than introverts. We're too quiet and not really spontaneous. Extroverts add some spice to my life. Salsa anyone? 8D


 Hmm actually I feel I know a lot of introverts who make bad decisions too, happens to us all. Plus we all have different definitions of what we think a bad decision is!


----------



## AtheistJesus

treesee said:


> Emotionally unstable extroverts..... Hmm... sounds an awful lot like the ENTP description.....


I love ENTPs!!!! especially George Carlin


----------



## Justi

I envy E. types and always want to be like that.But that's what I am,I'm a evil I. men  I think that E.types completing me,my missing parts filled.


----------



## nerdy.trisha

^ ikr? being an introvert is too lonely and shy. extroverts have all the fun lol


----------



## March Cat

Actually, loneliness and shyness aren't characteristics of an introvert. An extrovert is in fact even more susceptible to loneliness than an introvert, given similar circumstances, because they need more social stimulation on a regular basis.


----------



## nerdy.trisha

yes but when you think about what it would be like to be an extrovert, you get quite lonely. xD maybe it's just me tho


----------



## March Cat

I used to until I thought about this way:
I would have many more friends and acquaintances. I would be asked to participate in all the social events. People would seek me out for conversation and be nicer to me.
But.
The friends and acquaintances would be shallow and not truly care as much as I would like. The social events would get extremely tiring after a while, and I would only be asked to go because I would be considered an entertainer, not a person. People would seek me out as a toy to amuse themselves when they're bored and they would only be nicer because they would feel they _have_ to (instead of actually _wanting_ to be nicer to me).

Being an introvert is hard work with the over-hyped image of how good it is to be an extrovert, but it isn't bad at all once you really consider the other side.


----------



## nerdy.trisha

^ You're taking into assumption that _everyone_ in the world besides your friends you have now are shallow and do not truly care. You could have many friends who _do_ consider you a friend, you don't have to choose the shallow ones.


----------



## March Cat

What I meant was that extroverts usually have many acquaintances and friends, so the time they spend with each one is much less because of it. Introverts tend to have only a few friends, but spend more time with each one. It's not that extroverts are fundamentally shallower, it's that they don't have as much of an opportunity to get into deep relationships with people.


----------



## Stephen_Mirabito

Are there any introverts here who are attracted to another introvert but have a hard time connecting? I've found this to be a problem for me. Any thoughts?


----------



## devoid

I can definitely relate to this. When I was dating an introvert, we had totally opposite reactions to stress, and I didn't really know why. I always wondered why it was so much easier to relate to the ENFJ during times of stress than the ISTP, even though the latter had more functions in common.


----------



## Kr3m1in

March Cat said:


> What I meant was that extroverts usually have many acquaintances and friends, so the time they spend with each one is much less because of it. Introverts tend to have only a few friends, but spend more time with each one. It's not that extroverts are fundamentally shallower, it's that they don't have as much of an opportunity to get into deep relationships with people.


That is a load of crap,dear friend.I have millions of acquaintances, and still have close friends with deep relationships, fascinating conversations and tons and tons of time spent together.
The way you're reasoning through all this is b&w.And therefore, a bit off putting.


----------



## ohalixrose

My relationship with another introvert was incredibly boring.
I feel like for me, I need an extravert to pull me out of my world and into reality.
When left to fend for myself, I tend to spend my time alone and thinking entirely too much, which drags me into a depression.
Does anyone else operate this way?


----------



## MuChApArAdOx

Kr3m1in said:


> That is a load of crap,dear friend.I have millions of acquaintances, and still have close friends with deep relationships, fascinating conversations and tons and tons of time spent together.
> The way you're reasoning through all this is b&w.And therefore, a bit off putting.


I'm an extrovert who has hundreds of acquaintances. I actually keep my deep connections for people i consider friends, which is very few and far between. Sure , being in the company of acquaintances can be fun, although i equally or enjoy the company even more with people i can have those deeper moments with. These are the people i make the most time for. The observation made by the OP is totally incorrect in my humble opinion.


----------



## adenine

When I've thought about the closest people in my life, I've realized that the majority of them are introverts like myself. I'm not sure if it is a coincidence, or if I have surrounded myself with other introverts without even realizing it. Even most of the guys I have dated have been introverts. I guess in my case opposites don't usually attract - it seems like I often go for people with very similar qualities to myself (don't know if that's necessarily a good thing ).


----------



## Agelaius

imru2 said:


> Maybe if I could do that, it would work better for me. I always end up somewhere with some E and they are having such a splendid time and looking so thoroughly energized, I feel like I'm ruining their fun if I speak up and suggest that maybe we leave sometime soon.


I have a few friends that are a lot like this. Personally, I'm fine leaving a little early. I'd prefer to stay for at least the bulk of the event, as it does energize me and improves my mood/makes me less anxious, but the last thing I want to do is make the introverted person I'm with uncomfortable and ruin THEIR fun. After a while if it continues to be a problem it will start to cause some tension as it's nice to be able to stay for the entire social every once in a while (perhaps even longer), but some sacrifices are needed in order to have a healthy relationship, be it platonic or romantic.

I personally find myself tossed between being emotionally unstable and emotionally stable. It's a combination of irrational optimism and hope, anxiety from socialess activities (particularly if they're entirely impersonal or logical tasks, like engineering labs), and a laid back/pleasant demeanor that I always try to maintain. I don't always succeed, but the effort is there. At the end of the day I'd rather see the people I'm with be happy. If that means I have to stay in for a few weeks at a time taking care of them then so be it. Every once in a while it's nice to get out though


----------



## Sunbeam

I've wondered about this. I've always been attracted to a greater number of E's in my life, but I'm also curious about I's and attracted to them too. Their rich inner worlds relate well to my own. But if I were to ever actually get in a relationship wtih one, I'd be afraid that when it comes to socializing for long periods of time, the whole E/I difference might get in the way too much. But who knows!


----------



## Tealeafable

Like Agelaius said, I like staying for the bulk of a social event, but I'd much rather leave than drag an I friend/companion through something they aren't handling well or are uncomfortable with.

My partner is an INTP (I am an ENFP) and we get along most of the time. I have to admit that most of our arguments are about where to compromise and how far each other is willing to go out of their comfort zone before it gets to be too much. It's different for every occasion and gets to be quite difficult trying to understand why the other person isn't happy. I guess the best way to overcome these arguments for us has always been a base of mutual understanding; even though we may not fully understand each others' needs in regards to activities, when one of us says enough, it's enough, and we do our best to change the situation whether that means leaving or doing something spontaneous, etc. The key for us (and admittedly it's been a lot easier for me) has been to communicate when we're unhappy or uncomfortable and the other person can try their best to make it easier on them.


----------



## sroo

Does that mean Im emotionally unstable because Im active and optimistic???

Anyway I LOVE introverts..I am rarely attracted to extroverted guys. I once read in some random article that you are attracted to those that have what you need, but have what you like in yourself also..


----------



## Playful Proxy

And here I was, hoping for a Vinn (most likely spelled it wrong) diagram comparing the differences between an Introvert and an Extrovert when in love. 

My first question was how that could be standardized without taking feeling/thinking into consideration. But now I am sad.


----------



## Rachelinpa

i'm an enfp and i love love. i'm also trying to up my post count so that i can message people.


----------



## ESFJ005

As an ESFJ I have many people in my world who are E's but I have someone who has been in and out of my life since I was 15 who is an INFJ. Our "relationship" if you wish to call it that is defined to us as "turbulent". We find deep inner meaning and the need to understand each other and care for each other, but when turbulence hits, we just cannot seem to connect and seem worlds apart. Am i the only one who feels this? or this characteristic of the sensing/feeling??


----------



## Elaur

I really like introverts.


----------



## TwitchdelaBRAT

I think I want an I. I've dated multiple E's, and there just isn't the same depth of connection as I feel with an I, IN specifically.

Twitch


----------



## LibertyPrime

I see one problem with dating an extrovert. I will want to stay in and be by myself long term while the extrovert will have a need to go out. She will drag me with her, which will be draining and I'll be the "stick in the mud".

<.< I don't particularly enjoy parties or constantly being in groups of people/interacting. :bored: Now here comes the worst part ^^..sometimes I have nothing to say and will just be silent doing my thing. >3


----------



## Doctorjuice

Introverts and extraverts seem to be the ideal matchup. With two introverts hardly anybody talks. With two extraverts hardly anybody listens.


----------



## amityflair

Well, I don't know about that. 
Again, compromise is a big thing for relationships - and while going out _can be _fun, it's also necessary to take some time by yourself.

If someone with me is feeling uncomfortable, then sure, I'll leave. I'm there with _that _person. I want _them _to be comfortable. While being with other people is energizing and fun, the person I'm there with should take priority over socializing. :happy:

I think it really depends on the E's consideration and the I's ability to compromise.

Also, sometimes, not saying anything doesn't matter. Just being there is what counts.roud:


----------



## Impermanence

It can work if they come to a compromise and understand each other's needs. The extrovert may have to get used to being indoors sometimes while the introvert may have to come out of their shell and go out more. If there's a good balance then this has good potential. Then there's also that old saying "opposites attract". I think it's true to an extent.


----------



## Missbunnyx

Balance!  <3


----------



## noonia

Rim said:


> <.< I don't particularly enjoy parties or constantly being in groups of people/interacting. :bored: Now here comes the worst part ^^..sometimes I have nothing to say and will just be silent doing my thing. >3


Aww see that is how I am most of the time. I used to feel really bad about it but now I think, it's not a bad thing most of the time. It's okay to just sit and listen. I still get anxious about it but I want to think it's not the worst thing.

I have an INTJ friend and she comes over to my house and we spend most of the time sitting around reading or on the computer and not talking so much and it's really wonderful, because sometimes, especially for introverts, it is nice to have someone you can do quiet things with. It's so chill.


----------



## AstralSoldier

I'll put it this way; I can be outgoing, but what comes out of my mouth is a little to the LEFT of group discussion... Everyone in a social group usually knows their either self appointed role, or the role their assigned by default. I'm the quirky, sarcastic intellectual with the creamy, idealist center. Most people like my quirkiness, but can hardly identify with my idealism. 

Most of the time I'm actually HOLDING myself in check. I feel like I'm actually pressing a balloon beneath the water sometimes in social situations...being intuitive, the first thing that usually comes out of my mouth is my assessment/impression I get from a person which is usually accurate, but I have to really SCALE DOWN my thinking, and because my normal range of thought is philosophy, idealism, and psychology, it's hard to scale back, so I end up being more quiet in social situations where alcohol isn't available in reasonable amounts lol

I just don't think 'normal thoughts' I guess? lol .


----------



## cosmia

Doctorjuice said:


> Introverts and extraverts seem to be the ideal matchup. With two introverts hardly anybody talks. With two extraverts hardly anybody listens.


Ehh. I have great conversations with introverts. Balanced conversations. Neither of us dominate the conversation, but we both talk. We also both don't feel the need to fill all the silences, and appreciate that the other might need a little time to go back into their head and think once in a while. Granted I do have some conversations where nobody talks, or we talk very little, but that is if we don't know each other well.

With extroverts, I can still definitely have these conversations, but sometimes I feel like I'm being walked all over like (and this is only in certain circumstances, so I am not criticizing all extroverts - I love those guys)... I am a good listener, but I was not born to listen to extroverts talk. Likewise, extroverts were not born to fill in the silences of introverts. You still have to FIND the balance - it's not as natural as some may think. And balance is definitely possible though, just as it is in extrovert/extrovert relationships and introvert/introvert relationships.


----------



## Doctorjuice

cosmia said:


> Ehh. I have great conversations with introverts. Balanced conversations. Neither of us dominate the conversation, but we both talk. We also both don't feel the need to fill all the silences, and appreciate that the other might need a little time to go back into their head and think once in a while. Granted I do have some conversations where nobody talks, or we talk very little, but that is if we don't know each other well.
> 
> With extroverts, I can still definitely have these conversations, but sometimes I feel like I'm being walked all over like (and this is only in certain circumstances, so I am not criticizing all extroverts - I love those guys)... I am a good listener, but I was not born to listen to extroverts talk. Likewise, extroverts were not born to fill in the silences of introverts. You still have to FIND the balance - it's not as natural as some may think. And balance is definitely possible though, just as it is in extrovert/extrovert relationships and introvert/introvert relationships.


I agree actually, with all of this. I was just quoting nfgeeks because the quote sounds cool. (Terrible reason, I know. :tongue


----------



## deftonePassenger

If I'm not overthinking it I'm good. Extraverts always seem to know what to say - or at least SOMETHING to say. That's cool I guess, if they're not annoying.


----------



## Lotan

avalanch3 said:


> Extroverts and introverts are often attracted to one another – because opposites attract


I found this quote from the article a little flawed...it's basically "opposites attract because opposites attract", and "opposites attract" is a statement I don't particularly agree with that is never really explained in detail other than "people find people who are different interesting".

For me, I'd have a hard time dating someone who wants to be social all the time. I have a strong inner/private life and I like time to do my own things. But, I wouldn't want someone I have to drag out of the house all the time either, or someone who will act upset and unpleasant every time we go somewhere because they'd rather be alone. However, there are plenty of Es and Is who find the happy medium.

Other than that, I think I'd like someone with as much in common with me as possible. I think there's a bit of romanticizing going on with the "opposites" theory; some might see the give-and-take required to be proof of the other person's dedication, and dealing with stuff they don't like as bringing balance to their lives, but I dated an ESFP once - almost my complete opposite - and it just got annoying, when I'd hurt their feelings and not understand, and they'd do something and not understand why I was upset, and we'd have to take turns doing things we liked instead of mutually enjoying activities.

Now, I picked an ESFP I didn't have much in common with to begin with. I wouldn't reject an ESFP or anyone of any other type who I did have a lot in common with on type alone, but honestly I think the opposites attract thing is kind of flawed. I love a good challenge but if you have to exhaust yourself to make a relationship work they might not be the one for you...even if they're attractive.


----------



## WildeGreen

Isfp + esfj. Having a hard time with the i and e... She is social, but the time we have been together, we have spent most time together. Now she has gotten new friends and wants to spend time with them. That is indeed very undwrstandable. I want her to be happy and have friends. But the thing is that we hardly see eachother. I go to school during day and work somedays after school and she works evening as well. We see eachother at evenings when we got to bed, and maybe in the morning. I feel like she is moving past me with her new job, new friends and overall "new" life. I feel like she thinks theres something wrong with me being an i. She also takes critism for me not wanting to go out all the time. I feel we are just hurting eachother. I want her to spend that little freetime we get, with us being together. Personally i feel like i have put myself in her position try to see her side of the case. But i feel that im being put aside. What should i consider doing/thinking to turn this around. I also feel selfish to want time with her. What points of view am i missing?


----------



## ChaoticNao

WildeGreen said:


> Isfp + esfj. Having a hard time with the i and e... She is social, but the time we have been together, we have spent most time together. Now she has gotten new friends and wants to spend time with them. That is indeed very undwrstandable. I want her to be happy and have friends. But the thing is that we hardly see eachother. I go to school during day and work somedays after school and she works evening as well. We see eachother at evenings when we got to bed, and maybe in the morning. I feel like she is moving past me with her new job, new friends and overall "new" life. I feel like she thinks theres something wrong with me being an i. She also takes critism for me not wanting to go out all the time. I feel we are just hurting eachother. I want her to spend that little freetime we get, with us being together. Personally i feel like i have put myself in her position try to see her side of the case. But i feel that im being put aside. What should i consider doing/thinking to turn this around. I also feel selfish to want time with her. What points of view am i missing?


She's probably so excited about making new friends she didin't realise she was ignoring you.I think she would beat herself up over it if she realised that she was hurting you. I suggest talking to her and telling her how you feel. Without talking things would probably just get worse.


----------



## LifeAprentis

Lotan said:


> I found this quote from the article a little flawed...it's basically "opposites attract because opposites attract", and "opposites attract" is a statement I don't particularly agree with that is never really explained in detail other than "people find people who are different interesting".
> 
> For me, I'd have a hard time dating someone who wants to be social all the time. I have a strong inner/private life and I like time to do my own things. But, I wouldn't want someone I have to drag out of the house all the time either, or someone who will act upset and unpleasant every time we go somewhere because they'd rather be alone. However, there are plenty of Es and Is who find the happy medium.
> 
> Other than that, I think I'd like someone with as much in common with me as possible. I think there's a bit of romanticizing going on with the "opposites" theory; some might see the give-and-take required to be proof of the other person's dedication, and dealing with stuff they don't like as bringing balance to their lives, but I dated an ESFP once - almost my complete opposite - and it just got annoying, when I'd hurt their feelings and not understand, and they'd do something and not understand why I was upset, and we'd have to take turns doing things we liked instead of mutually enjoying activities.
> 
> Now, I picked an ESFP I didn't have much in common with to begin with. I wouldn't reject an ESFP or anyone of any other type who I did have a lot in common with on type alone, but honestly I think the opposites attract thing is kind of flawed. I love a good challenge but if you have to exhaust yourself to make a relationship work they might not be the one for you...even if they're attractive.



I read the definition, it makes sense 

Like Matter is to Antimatter 

Or Skrillex is to Beethoven 

Opposites do attract and its a physics *proven law 

"For me, I'd have a hard time dating someone who wants to be..."

Get to know the person first, how they are in their "natural" "comfortable" environment 

Whether on a Basketball court or Office cubicle 

Dating them initially will often times, make em get on edge (and be not themselves) "Im not presentable..." thinking

I really believe opposites attract 

My strength is their weakness and vice versa "I got your back"

For me an INTP would be a delight to get to know...


----------



## Lotan

LifeAprentis said:


> I read the definition, it makes sense
> 
> Like Matter is to Antimatter
> 
> Or Skrillex is to Beethoven
> 
> Opposites do attract and its a physics *proven law
> 
> "For me, I'd have a hard time dating someone who wants to be..."
> 
> Get to know the person first, how they are in their "natural" "comfortable" environment
> 
> Whether on a Basketball court or Office cubicle
> 
> Dating them initially will often times, make em get on edge (and be not themselves) "Im not presentable..." thinking
> 
> I really believe opposites attract
> 
> My strength is their weakness and vice versa "I got your back"
> 
> For me an INTP would be a delight to get to know...


In physics, sure...and yeah you do have to get to know someone before you decide anything (there are a few IxFPs I know that I have tons in common with). However I think the rest of it just depends on what you want out of a relationship.

Personally, what I look for in a romance is more like an Awesome Best Friend. Someone who is similar to me and likes a lot of the stuff I like already so I won't be forced too far out of my comfort zone. However, a lot of people DO look for someone who'll push them out of their comfort zone and make them a more well-rounded person, so in that case I'd say opposites definitely attract.


----------



## LittleOrange

Hmm.....I always fall head over heals for extroverts. I find their energy and "happy" nature very attractive, but I find that I have better connection and feel more comfortable with introverts. Idk. It feels like introverts understand me better and we usually have better conversations, cause they don´t mind philosophizing with me, lol. Idk....


----------



## Fern

LittleOrange said:


> Hmm.....I always fall head over heals for extroverts. I find their *energy and "happy" nature *very attractive, but I find that I have better* connection* and *feel more comfortable* with introverts. Idk. It feels like introverts *understand me bette*r and we usually have better conversations, cause *they don´t mind philosophizing* with me, lol. Idk....



This really helps me, as an Extrovert, to understand what makes you lovely people tick  I do try very hard to be sensitive towards the needs of my Introverted friends and dates and am constantly seeking improvement in this area. 

I actually really love philosophizing, deep and meaningful conversations, and just taking it easy as well! How can I show this deeper side to Introverts and make them feel more comfortable, like you mentioned?

p.s. I've always *adored *the combination of your user name and Avatar but never found the right time to mention it...


----------



## LittleOrange

Aww, thank you!  And it´s very nice of you to care about us  Hmm....well, I think to make them more comfortable you should give them enough space and be respectful of them. I really don´t like if someone is pushy with me and wants to forcefully get to know me. Also, don´t just talk, but also listen (cause we do like to talk ) and ask more meaningful questions, then show you understand what they´re saying...make the conversations more interesting...maybe you could mention some topic you find interesting and talk about it, like your opinion on idk, religion, feminism, science, art...you could mention something you read that you find interesting (some book or some article)....or some hobby you have. Maybe you play an instrument, do photography or read/write poetry? Also, if I really like the person and want to be closer friends or get romantically involved, I´d like the conversations to be more personal. Cause I like to have the personal (emotional) connection with someone. So, if you want to make things deeper, I´d say maybe you should ask more personal questions or share some personal experience. Maybe you could ask them about their dreams, fears, wishes, etc.... I hope this helps cause I was thinking a lot about what to write, lol  Feel free to ask if you have any more questions


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## benoticed

If i have to choose the other half, Im attracted to Extraverts at first but im *allured* to Introverts more. I find them a better companion to be with, as male.


----------



## foi_unbound

an introvert's expression of love. when asked whether my ex boyfriend loved me or not, he said Mhhmm.


----------



## Noice

so me being an intoxicated ENFP was just me being a healthy INFP?! 
woah.


----------



## Baby Barooo

I don't know anything about you... I have recently updated my attitude on the subject: For me, most times when I am 'E', i tend to loose much 'N' & 'F' since I am outside my comfort zon, and therefor I do not transform from INFP to ENFP but to something else. 
EXXP?  

I can sometimes be an ENFP, but it takes A LOT of time alone being an INFP, thinking, feeling and percieving, and I love it 

Are U ENFP?


----------



## VioletIris

INTP here, have an ESTP spouse. I am really starting to go crazy concerning his addiction to his smart phone. And he has this "fan club" of neighborhood women, most of them single middle-aged women who think he is just SO hilarious and fun! And he loves the attention. I used to think, who cares, he's not physically cheating on me so it's no big deal. But you know what? I think I'd rather have an introvert who was focused on me, than an extravert who needs all kinds of outside entertainment. I am mostly reserved and "neutral" when I see these women, and most of them are "S" types and can't get into the kind of discussions I like, and I can't get into the beer drinking and loud (but, to me, boring) banter that they enjoy. 
On the other hand, as others have mentioned, sometimes only a persistent extravert can break through a heavy introvert wall. If I had paired up with another introvert, either we never would have allowed ourselves enough of an opening to make a strong connection, OR, we might have become TOO close and formed a "you and me against the world" kind of couple. My partner's extraversion forces me to not isolate as much as I would left to my own tendencies.


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## DAPHNE XO

Fern said:


> This really helps me, as an Extrovert, to understand what makes you lovely people tick  I do try very hard to be sensitive towards the needs of my Introverted friends and dates and am constantly seeking improvement in this area.
> 
> *I actually really love philosophizing, deep and meaningful conversations, and just taking it easy as well! How can I show this deeper side to Introverts and make them feel more comfortable, like you mentioned?*


I have the same struggles - sometimes trying to get a "meaningful" conversation out of an extrovert feels like trying to get blood from a stone.

I suppose you could just ask them "what do you think about X?"
X being something they really care about.


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## alienambassador

JungleDisco said:


> I have the same struggles - sometimes trying to get a "meaningful" conversation out of an extrovert feels like trying to get blood from a stone.
> 
> I suppose you could just ask them "what do you think about X?"
> X being something they really care about.


X is okay. I like y and z as well.


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## noname42

I can be in a relationship with an extrovert, if they have the ability to Shut the fuck up and and don't get offended by doing so.Also if they give us an alone time.

I really hate it when people talk really fast on boring shit for hours ,and when you seem agitated and bored, they get offended. I also don't like people how have no respect of your privacy or there own.

To people who walk around naked in changing rooms FUCK YOU 

I think extroverts are a good match for an introverts, but their openness to the world may cause problems to the more reserved introverts.


----------



## VioletIris

"I think extroverts are a good match for an introverts, but their openness to the world may cause problems to the more reserved introverts."

Well, with a strong extraverted intuition, I think we INTPs are pretty open to the world, too. I just think we get bored easily, AND when people have really unintelligent conversations about meaningless crap, it's actually beyond boredom, it's annoyance that I feel. This of course happens mostly when talking to types high in 2 or all 3 of these functions: S, F, and J. 
I find ENFPs (& INFPs) are great to talk with. Of course ENTPs (& INTPs) are fascinating. I also get along with ESTPs (and ISTPs), if they are sharp; their different view of the world is interesting for me to see. ENTJs (& INTJs) are pushing it for me, they can be too inflexible albeit intelligent.


----------



## Fern

JungleDisco said:


> I have the same struggles - sometimes trying to get a "meaningful" conversation out of an extrovert feels like trying to get blood from a stone.
> 
> I suppose you could just ask them "what do you think about X?"
> X being something they really care about.


Oh, yay  I already do this.

I'm just concerned I will appear invasive or nosy...


----------



## DAPHNE XO

Fern said:


> Oh, yay  I already do this.
> 
> I'm just concerned I will appear invasive or nosy...


Depends on the type of introvert from my experience. And timing; when I'm dying for conversation after been a hermit too long, I'll talk to anyone.

Even the hobo on the street.


----------



## firedell

Honestly? Introvert and extraveted relationships (even friendships), are the healthiest ones I have had. I have found that two introverts communicate poorly. At least from my experience.

Though introverts and extraverts don't necessarily understand one another, there is that ying/yang complex that is really compelling.


----------



## tangosthenes

ParetoCaretheStare said:


> I'm an ambivert and I prefer an extrovert because being an ambivert is like being comfortably awkward and alone in your own skin all the time, no matter where you are. Extroverts are cool because they can take this aspect of myself and work with it, making us a fun couple. Introverts are cool because we can get really deep and dark together, but to a certain extent the negativity gets so old.


What does being alone in your own skin have to do with being an ambivert?


----------



## ParetoCaretheStare

tangosthenes said:


> What does being alone in your own skin have to do with being an ambivert?



Being comfortable in one's own skin is a reference to self-confidence. Introverts are more comfortable in interpersonal conversations whereas extroverts are more fulfilled in a group gathering where there is more interaction. Ambiverts can be solitary loners who can feel comfortable in random gatherings with lots of people.


----------



## tangosthenes

ParetoCaretheStare said:


> Being comfortable in one's own skin is a reference to self-confidence. Introverts are more comfortable in interpersonal conversations whereas extroverts are more fulfilled in a group gathering where there is more interaction. Ambiverts can be solitary loners who can feel comfortable in random gatherings with lots of people.


Reminds me of the supine temperament.


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## sharxbyte

This thread is excellent. I am an extrovert, and my wife definitely is not.


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## writtencoffee

My boyfriend is INFP, I'm ENFP. In the beginning, it wasn't easy, because we were quite different. Nowadays we know each other really well and appreciate our personality traits and differencies. It enriches our life and makes it more interesting and more diversified than I experienced with another extrovert beforehand.


----------



## handres

I'm a male ESTJ. I am very interested in an INFP girl right now. How in the world did that happen?! Speaking of opposites! Have any of you heard of a match quite like that?


----------



## NYEnglishRose

I'm living it!


----------



## handres

NYEnglishRose said:


> I'm living it!


Really? How is it?
This INFP fascinates me. She is so incredibly different, and her mysterious aurora catches me off guard. I don't even know if she realizes that she gives of such an aurora, or perhaps it's something in my ESTJ personality.


----------



## chocolatefox

I've been in a relationship with an Extrovert. ENTP I think he was. That was catastrophe. Because of my introvert tendencies I kind of just became invisible - very unlike me. Also he had to argue about everything. And even though he was to stubborn to see it he would have been happier with someone else as well. I would never date an Extrovert again (although it's awesome being an extrovert and you extroverts are awesome, as friends etc.)

But now I've been with an INFJ for almost 2 years and Oh my. We are so in love! It's like unbelievable connection on every level! (I've actually heard that ENFP + INFJ/INTJ is a good match). because being an ENFP i'm still a little bit introvert and need my space and INFJ is one supposed to be the most extroverted of the introverts so we can understand each other. He is able to open up - which he has never been able to to (especially with a girl) and neither of us have felt this way before. Of course we have our problems like any other relationship but as we are both extremely avoidant of conflict we try to simply talk about it (even if it can take time for us both to open up about that kind of stuff.) But anyway it's simply amazing. He showed me what real love felt like. roud:


----------



## tanstaafl28

I'm married to an ISTJ, but sometimes I think we switch place:, I become more introverted and she becomes more extroverted. Go figure.


----------



## Morgoth

Currently in a relationship with an ENFP. I think I prefer this personality in others.


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## Gabori

Living 14yrs in such relationship. It's challanging to choose a weekend program. Week by week


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## Miauw

The best relationship I ever had was with an INFJ. We were quite balanced, I calmed down and he opened up and we had a great time!


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## enfjmedic

probably mentioned already, but its evident that introverts express their affection through actions while extroverts usually rely on words and physical means of affection!


----------



## disguise

enfjmedic said:


> probably mentioned already, but its evident that introverts express their affection through actions while extroverts usually rely on words and physical means of affection!


I wouldn't generalize this in the way you do. Each individual has their own way of expressing affection independent from the introversion/extroversion dichotomy. (There could exists a _correlation_, sure. Could be that extroverts are more often for vocal ways of showing love and more introverts prefer indirect ways instead. It's though not always this way. That would be generalizing it too much, since 1/3 to 1/2 of the US population are introverts. That number fits quite a bit of variety in preferences.) 

You might want to check out the love languages in this thread: http://personalitycafe.com/articles/112444-five-love-languages-explained.html

Sincerely,
Introvert who is touchy-feely with affection


----------



## Sophia Perennis

Extroverts are ok, but I think introverts are better. They don't talk as much.


----------



## VinnieBob

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> I am apparently, an emotionally unstable introvert. GET AWAY! I'm going to die...


you forgot to add 'and I'm taking all you mofo's with me''


----------



## Zee Bee

angularvelocity said:


> Introverts & Extroverts in love


It is so easy to be an Introvert and to love an Extravert
*We have so much in common*

1 - We BOTH love the same person, and nobody else

2 - There is so much to talk about ... what we love more than anybody else

So naturally, the common experience binds the two together!


----------



## Zee Bee

tanstaafl28 said:


> I'm married to an ISTJ, but sometimes I think we switch place:, I become more introverted and she becomes more extroverted. Go figure.


Perhaps you answered it already.

WHEN you get introverted - ie; YOU cannot go full speed forever, so willing or not, in your exhausted state, recouping.
ISTJ keeps towards the sidelines. When you are not at maximum, then if necessary (when, what is necessary; Go figure) she is capable of a temporary role, sort-of-extravertish.


----------



## General Lee Awesome

Sophia Perennis said:


> Extroverts are ok, but I think introverts are better. They don't talk as much.


i talk a lot for an introvert, but you are right, an extroverted feeler can easily talk twice as much


----------



## Jessi Soares

Ever since I found out I'm an ENFP, I've been reading everywhere that my best matches are INFJ's and INTJ's but I'm not sure I agree with that... in my case at least.
I can say I don't ask MBTI types often and I don't really know a lot about each type but I can say that introverted personalities don't really attract me that much to date. I like a confident, extroverted man... I don't mean extremely extroverted as I myself enjoy to have quiet moments at home sometimes but I'd want him to enjoy going out as much as I do. I think I'd go best with someone with my own type (an ENFP) than an INFJ or INTJ...


----------



## Wubtavia

Jessi Soares said:


> Ever since I found out I'm an ENFP, I've been reading everywhere that my best matches are INFJ's and INTJ's but I'm not sure I agree with that... in my case at least.
> I can say I don't ask MBTI types often and I don't really know a lot about each type but I can say that introverted personalities don't really attract me that much to date. I like a confident, extroverted man... I don't mean extremely extroverted as I myself enjoy to have quiet moments at home sometimes but I'd want him to enjoy going out as much as I do. I think I'd go best with someone with my own type (an ENFP) than an INFJ or INTJ...


Perhaps a bit of specificity is needed: what do you mean by "going out". Some of us introverts enjoy going out immensely; I for one enjoy any moment spent doing some physical, potentially risky, activity, especially if it allows me to connect to nature. It's the large social gatherings that tend to drain us. This is not to say that all introverts are incapable of being with people; we simply cannot be with them for long periods of time. We need our time of quiet moments to recharge. Once you get to know us, however, you might see a side of us not many get to see; you may just find us to be as funny, confident, and maybe even boisterous as an extrovert.

Of course, I cannot speak as either an INFJ or INTJ...ISTPs might tend to be more forward in this regard.


----------



## Jessi Soares

Wubtavia said:


> Perhaps a bit of specificity is needed: what do you mean by "going out". Some of us introverts enjoy going out immensely; I for one enjoy any moment spent doing some physical, potentially risky, activity, especially if it allows me to connect to nature. It's the large social gatherings that tend to drain us. This is not to say that all introverts are incapable of being with people; we simply cannot be with them for long periods of time. We need our time of quiet moments to recharge. Once you get to know us, however, you might see a side of us not many get to see; you may just find us to be as funny, confident, and maybe even boisterous as an extrovert.
> 
> Of course, I cannot speak as either an INFJ or INTJ...ISTPs might tend to be more forward in this regard.


By going out I mean... to go with me to a trance party all day and then all morning. Or to go the entire week to a psy trance festival 
It may not be every week you know but sometimes I do enjoy some epic parties, long ones!! And sometimes I do enjoy to stay home and watch movies. So I'm not sure, I guess I'm kinda in the middle here, I could get along well with an introverted but I don't think he would appreciate much my... intensity... sometimes xD
I can be really quiet and and I can be really loud. I can shut my mouth to avoid a conflict or I can be really confrontational. It all depends on people and circumstances and places... 
And about parties it's as I said... sometimes I just have a boost and I need to go dance all night and all day. Sometimes it may be about being with people and sometimes it may be about being with myself. By being with myself I mean I can dance all night without opening my mouth. So I guess not everyone can understand me and I think it would probably be too much for an introverted... maybe?
Not sure.. but I guess I'd need someone more like me..


----------



## sharxbyte

imru2 said:


> [/LEFT]
> 
> Maybe if I could do that, it would work better for me. I always end up somewhere with some E and they are having such a splendid time and looking so thoroughly energized, I feel like I'm ruining their fun if I speak up and suggest that maybe we leave sometime soon.


My wife and I often take two cars (or she comes to an event with an introverted friend) so she has a means of leaving early.

Also, I am apparently stable


----------



## Elaihr

Jessi Soares said:


> By going out I mean... to go with me to a trance party all day and then all morning. Or to go the entire week to a psy trance festival
> It may not be every week you know but sometimes I do enjoy some epic parties, long ones!! And sometimes I do enjoy to stay home and watch movies. So I'm not sure, I guess I'm kinda in the middle here, I could get along well with an introverted but I don't think he would appreciate much my... intensity... sometimes xD
> I can be really quiet and and I can be really loud. I can shut my mouth to avoid a conflict or I can be really confrontational. It all depends on people and circumstances and places...
> And about parties it's as I said... sometimes I just have a boost and I need to go dance all night and all day. Sometimes it may be about being with people and sometimes it may be about being with myself. By being with myself I mean I can dance all night without opening my mouth. So I guess not everyone can understand me and I think it would probably be too much for an introverted... maybe?
> Not sure.. but I guess I'd need someone more like me..


It seems like you know yourself really well, which makes me glad  I think an INFJ or INTJ could be a good match for a more "introverted kind" of ENFP than yourself. My fiance is ENFP but he often prefers staying at home more than I do. None of us like large social settings, but both of us like smaller ones with close friends, where you can talk a lot. I suppose it's because he's very Ne heavy, if he can't talk about his ideas he doesn't see much point in meeting people. Even less so than I do, because I can always escape inside my head and talk to myself ^^

It sounds like you could do with an ENFJ, if you find one, those I know get along really well with my ENFP and share the same functions as an INFJ, so theoretically it should be a decent match


----------



## Korvyna

This helps put things into perspective for me. I think my husband is a fairly emotionally stable introvert, and I'm definitely an emotionally stable extrovert. The times that frustrate me are when we are having a conversation and he pauses to think about his answer, and my impatient side kicks in because I feel like he didn't hear me or something and takes longer than I would to respond. Seeing responsive in the extrovert listing, and thoughtful in the introvert listing makes me realize that it's just one of his traits.


----------



## jcal

Korvyna said:


> This helps put things into perspective for me. I think my husband is a fairly emotionally stable introvert, and I'm definitely an emotionally stable extrovert. The times that frustrate me are when we are having a conversation and he pauses to think about his answer, and my impatient side kicks in because I feel like he didn't hear me or something and takes longer than I would to respond. Seeing responsive in the extrovert listing, and thoughtful in the introvert listing makes me realize that it's just one of his traits.


My tendency to not give immediate responses while I think things through has been an issue for me on and off throughout my life, with my ESFJ wife as well as others. Some "get it" and appreciate the "thoughtful answers" (their words), others don't seem to have as much patience and/or (incorrectly) interpret it as not being "in" the conversation. 

Whatever the case may be, I can't see myself ever being one to give snap responses because, well, it's almost impossible for me to do so. My "verbal buffer" is typically empty until I deliberately fill it with something, and then rehearse/revise it in my head until I'm certain I'm about to say exactly what I intend to. There's typically nothing sitting at the tip of my tongue waiting to be recklessly (from my POV) blurted out.


----------



## Korvyna

jcal said:


> My tendency to not give immediate responses while I think things through has been an issue for me on and off throughout my life, with my ESFJ wife as well as others. Some "get it" and appreciate the "thoughtful answers" (their words), others don't seem to have as much patience and/or (incorrectly) interpret it as not being "in" the conversation.
> 
> Whatever the case may be, I can't see myself ever being one to give snap responses because, well, it's almost impossible for me to do so, since my verbal "buffer" is typically empty until I deliberately fill it with something, and then rehearse/revise it in my mind until I'm certain I'm saying what I intend to. There's nothing sitting there waiting to be recklessly (from my POV) blurted out.


Your last paragraph is identical to how my husband is. While I am a good listener, I think he is probably better than I am, because after hearing part of what someone is saying I will start to formulate a response before they are even finished, whereas he waits until the person has completed their entire thought. He's definitely commented that he thinks through his response and tries to find the most appropriate way to phrase it before saying anything.


----------



## jcal

Korvyna said:


> Your last paragraph is identical to how my husband is. While I am a good listener, I think he is probably better than I am, because after hearing part of what someone is saying I will start to formulate a response before they are even finished, whereas he waits until the person has completed their entire thought. He's definitely commented that he thinks through his response and tries to find the most appropriate way to phrase it before saying anything.


It's a trait that serves me well when the accuracy of the information I provide is paramount (which is often for me, as an electrical engineer), but not so well for more casual conversations. It's actually quite an intense process (especially when I feel pressured to be faster in my responses) that can make casual social engagements quite exhausting if they go on too long. 

When people discuss the draining effect that social interaction can have on introverts, this very specifically comes to mind for me. All the concentrations and processing that goes on behind the verbalization of my thoughts, even for mundane conversations, can be more tiring work than digging ditches.

It bothers me when people label this as "anti-social" or "shy" behavior. It has nothing to do with that... it's just takes a tremendous amount of concentration and effort to keep up for extended periods of time.


----------



## Elaihr

Korvyna said:


> Your last paragraph is identical to how my husband is. While I am a good listener, I think he is probably better than I am, because after hearing part of what someone is saying I will start to formulate a response before they are even finished, whereas he waits until the person has completed their entire thought. He's definitely commented that he thinks through his response and tries to find the most appropriate way to phrase it before saying anything.


Haha, this must be an ENFP thing! My ENFP is just like that, a conversation between the two of us could be like this:

Him: (after having talked for 2 hours about his day), asks "How's your day been?"
Me: "It's been alright I guess... But I do feel a bit put off because of this class I was teaching, there was this student you see, and he/she..."
Him: INTERRUPTS - "Oh but there's no reason to feel down about it, because endlesstalkingendlesstalkingendlesstalking..."

PS. I don't really mind. I think it's a bit cute that you get so carried away and feel so engaged in others lives that you can't keep yourself from talking about it. As long as you don't take over when it's really important, or do this too many times in a row


----------



## Korvyna

Elaihr said:


> Haha, this must be an ENFP thing! My ENFP is just like that, a conversation between the two of us could be like this:
> 
> Him: (after having talked for 2 hours about his day), asks "How's your day been?"
> Me: "It's been alright I guess... But I do feel a bit put off because of this class I was teaching, there was this student you see, and he/she..."
> Him: INTERRUPTS - "Oh but there's no reason to feel down about it, because endlesstalkingendlesstalkingendlesstalking..."
> 
> PS. I don't really mind. I think it's a bit cute that you get so carried away and feel so engaged in others lives that you can't keep yourself from talking about it. As long as you don't take over when it's really important, or do this too many times in a row


I'm pretty sure all conversations with me end up turning into the parent/teacher voice in Charlie Brown with how much I can drone on. Once I start going I just can't stop...and waiting for someone to finish their train of thought is torture sometimes. Like, I'll interrupt merely because I'll forget what I wanted to say if I don't burst out with it now. :eagerness:


----------



## Elaihr

Korvyna said:


> I'm pretty sure all conversations with me end up turning into the parent/teacher voice in Charlie Brown with how much I can drone on. Once I start going I just can't stop...and waiting for someone to finish their train of thought is torture sometimes. Like, I'll interrupt merely because I'll forget what I wanted to say if I don't burst out with it now. :eagerness:


Haha, aaaaw, my fiance does that too, he actually gets pretty upset if I don't let him because it sucks so hard for him to forget... Everytime it happens it was always something *SUPER DUPER MEGA IMPORTANT*. Like how we _must_ make our own peanut buttercup ice cream. How can one not love you guys?


----------



## Korvyna

Elaihr said:


> Haha, aaaaw, my fiance does that too, he actually gets pretty upset if I don't let him because it sucks so hard for him to forget... Everytime it happens it was always something *SUPER DUPER MEGA IMPORTANT*. Like how we _must_ make our own peanut buttercup ice cream. How can one not love you guys?


Haha! See? We're crazy, but people just can't help but love us.


----------



## gencyan

From what I learned from dating my ISTP is that she was very introverted before. Cool and calm when meeting new people but she said it takes her to pull off one of her sense of humor into them to see if they would be offended or not. If they were offended, then she would rather not continue a relationship (friendship or not) with this person. And she said she would usually spend her days alone in her room talking to her online friends and doing other activities. She goes out once in a while.

As an ENFP, I know a lot of people, close or not. When I first started introducing her to my friends, she noticed that there's a new one every day or every other day. "It's like you know everyone around this area." I just socialize a lot usually when I'm in a comfortable/cheery mood. She would say I know too many people haha.

One time, during this Thanksgiving, instead of spending it alone with the both of us, she decided to be social and told me to invite some people. About six or more on my side came over to my barracks room to celebrate and just two from her side came over since she didn't really invite anyone else. As the hours passed by through the party, I noticed her being more distant to others although she was a bit social from the beginning. She would come over to me and it was as if I was the only person in the room. She wasn't even really talking to her other friends. At one point, she decided to go back to her room and have some alone time. I guess such social events for her get uncomfortable for her at the end so whenever she gets clingier towards me at events, I understand that she's getting uncomfortable with the environment and adjust to her needs.

One good thing though is that she would usually need some alone time to just do her. I would understand even though I would like to spend as much time with her as possible. So I give her space and the next day we would meet up again. Nowadays, she told me that she would usually need her alone time but after a couple of hours of doing "her" she said she would wanna meet up with me again. It's one of the best feelings in the world when someone who usually needs her alone time agrees to cancel some of that time just to be with you.

I seriously think that relationships between Introverts and Extroverts are one of the best things as long as the Extrovert understands that the Introvert needs some alone time and that they're usually uncomfortable in big groups. And on the otherhand, as long as the Introvert understands that Extroverts are social butterflies.


----------



## CasusBelli

What I've noticed about myself and other extroverts, is the tendency to try and "pull out" introverts from their shells. It's a vile immature trait, and you hopefully stop this childish demeanor at some point in life. 

But the topic has more to it, since it doesn't stop at that: the more "balls out" extroverted E types (ESTPs, ESFPs, ESTJs, ENTJs) when immature can have a pecking order amongst themselves and other extroverts, trying to show up and "crack open" less extroverted E types (ENFPs, ENTPs) in social situations. This can be slightly irritating for weak Es, but potentially devastating for a strong I type (INTPs, INFPs, INTJs…)

Extroverts with a low self esteem, a trait that is amplified by Fi (Especially among ESFPs & ESTJs) will do leaps and bounds to feel intellectually superior to you, if by a skill they own which you frankly don't care about or by unimportant trivia facts they have memorized for such occasions where their egos as 'witty super-fly' blokes are in peril. They will shove useless facts in your face, question your credentials and do anything to make you appear oblivious and stupid so that they may wear the crown of mr. know-it-all, even, and especially, if they're dull, high school dropouts…


----------



## AndyBeanz

Nice post


----------



## Umbraphage

CasusBelli said:


> What I've noticed about myself and other extroverts, is the tendency to try and "pull out" introverts from their shells. It's a vile immature trait, and you hopefully stop this childish demeanor at some point in life.
> 
> But the topic has more to it, since it doesn't stop at that: the more "balls out" extroverted E types (ESTPs, ESFPs, ESTJs, ENTJs) when immature can have a pecking order amongst themselves and other extroverts, trying to show up and "crack open" less extroverted E types (ENFPs, ENTPs) in social situations. This can be slightly irritating for weak Es, but potentially devastating for a strong I type (INTPs, INFPs, INTJs…)


I have to agree with you here; many times have I been overexhausted by being forced to "break out of my shell" by parents and other authority figures throughout my younger years. Although, might I ask, how are ENFPs and ENTPs "less extroverted?" The ENFPs and ENTPs I have encountered in real life were pretty extroverted to me (And that is saying a lot, considering I exhibit a lot of ENTJ qualities despite being an INTJ myself).


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## autsdraws

Umbraphage said:


> how are ENFPs and ENTPs "less extroverted?" The ENFPs and ENTPs I have encountered in real life were pretty extroverted to me (And that is saying a lot, considering I exhibit a lot of ENTJ qualities despite being an INTJ myself).


We can seem just as extroverted as all the other types most of the time, but then after the commotion is over, a lot of us may go into introspection mode in order to sort everything out. I guess it's all of the Ne craziness; if we don't sort it out, it'll take us over. 

It's the period of introspection that makes a lot of us mistype ourselves as INFP or INTP. But just because we're introspective doesn't make us introverts...we still thrive off of other people and social interactions. If that makes any sense.


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## Umbraphage

autsdraws said:


> We can seem just as extroverted as all the other types most of the time, but then after the commotion is over, a lot of us may go into introspection mode in order to sort everything out. I guess it's all of the Ne craziness; if we don't sort it out, it'll take us over.
> 
> It's the period of introspection that makes a lot of us mistype ourselves as INFP or INTP. But just because we're introspective doesn't make us introverts...we still thrive off of other people and social interactions. If that makes any sense.


That's a good explanation and I believe I understand more. Thanks!


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## bitch_ass_entp

I think this describes why me and my INTP's relationship didn't work out lol. He was an unhealthy introvert and I was an unhealthy extrovert. (although the unhealthy extrovert just sounds like the description of ENxP personality types...)


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