# Women: How old is too old?



## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

I recently heard that once a man reaches 35 and is single (and never previously married), he is increasingly seen as no longer worth it. To women: Is this true? I have always heard that women have fairly early "expiration" dates if you will, but never men. At what age do you think men become too old to pursue a serious relationship with? I'd appreciate brutally honest answers.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> I recently heard that once a man reaches 35 and is single (and never previously married), he is increasingly seen as no longer worth it. To women: Is this true? I have always heard that women have fairly early "expiration" dates if you will, but never men. At what age do you think men become too old to pursue a serious relationship with? I'd appreciate brutally honest answers.


doubt it's true of most women, just look at Jack Nicholson, Hugh Hefner, Sean Connery, Brad Pitt and George Clooney.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

Then allow me to clarify. Women: what do you think about this assuming the male in question is NOT famous for his spectacular wealth or good looks?


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> Then allow me to clarify. Women: what do you think about this assuming the male in question is NOT famous for his spectacular wealth or good looks?


Dont forget outrageously rich


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

It's wonderful to see so many women responding to this. And to see so many of them actually reading my terribly long posts before quoting them.


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## Mulberries (Feb 17, 2011)

Nonsense. No one is ever too old for a serious relationship. The exception might be if you wanted biological children and the woman was reaching her 40s. Even then there are options. 

That said, many people do have issues with age gaps. As a 35+ year old man you might have a tough time finding a woman fresh out of high school for a relationship. If you're willing to date within your own age range, then you should be fine.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

*How I feel at age 31 when I check out the 20 year old girls on campus.*


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## blackpeppergeneral (Nov 7, 2011)

It definitely depends on the type of women one preferred. Some would mind and others not. 
If I met a man who was young at heart despite being older, I would not mind.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

My gosh- people place expiration dates on others? 35 seen as too old? Holy shnaps

No worries- people who judge you make the weeding out process much easier anyway. 

Aging really shouldn't affect how you _choose_ to live your life.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

My typical problem with older men is, well, that they are OLD.
And I am not talking about age.

(as point of contrast: I'm "old"... but I'm not "OLD.")


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

It would be based on the individual person, but I would say about 20 years older would be my max. I'm 30, so 50 is about it for me. I think the older you get, the less age matters.


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## JigglyJello (Apr 19, 2012)

For me? Yeah, that's a 15 year difference where I'm the younger. I imagine we'd be in completely different points in our lives. Anytime in my 20's it's hard to imagine myself with someone who has a 10+ year difference, but if I was 30 and was interested in someone who was 40 maybe I'd be more willing.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> doubt it's true of most women, just look at Jack Nicholson, Hugh Hefner, Sean Connery, Brad Pitt and George Clooney.


But they're all rich and sexy.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> I recently heard that once a man reaches 35 and is single (and never previously married), he is increasingly seen as no longer worth it. To women: Is this true? I have always heard that women have fairly early "expiration" dates if you will, but never men. At what age do you think men become too old to pursue a serious relationship with? I'd appreciate brutally honest answers.


Depends. I don't think all women would freak out, but I do think everyone would be curious as to why you aren't married or in a relationship at 35. As much as people hate to admit it, we do have "expiration dates" when it comes to marriage. Men can usually go longer like you said, but it does seem rather odd to be that old and still single especially if you planned on being married by that age. It makes me wonder if something is wrong with them which stopped them from dating, or if they just kept choosing all the wrong relationships and ended up single again. 

I think you need to be honest about why you're still single. If its because you really just havent met the right person, then fine. But if you have a long history of failed relationships most women are going to see that as a red flag and pass. I know I would.


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## armika_armika (Nov 11, 2011)

How old? How would I know! I don't have a set age limit. If I meet someone and fall in love, that love is all that matters, not some trivial stuff like age. 

But ok, if I would try to set some age limit, considering that I'm not in love with someone older at the moment: I'm 30 myself, so maybe something like 45ish. For a real serious relationship. When it comes to sex.... well the oldest one I've been with was 38 years older than me. And NO, I'm not a gold digger or anything, it was just the joining of two lost souls  He's an old friend (so to speak) and a free spirited hippie: )


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## armika_armika (Nov 11, 2011)

I don't wonder why you're 35 and single... at all. Being a single mum myself, who am I to judge? I mean, at least here in sweden, many people are quite "old" when they're starting to build up a family of their own. And I mean, just because you're single when you're 35 doesn't mean you _never_ had a relationship. You probably been in some serious relationships but they didn't work out. So what the heck, nothing strange about that!


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

Thirty-five too old???? Give me a _fucking_ _break_.

I met my husband at 22 (am now 30). He was 32 when I met him. We got married at 28 and 38, respectively, and I sure as hell didn't see him as "past it" or "too old". Neither when I met him, nor when I married him. My emotionally manipulative mother tried to keep me apart from him- said he'd probably been with a lot of women, because of his age at the time. Guess what, he's never had anyone _but_ me. And I've never been with anyone other than him. He was worried about being judged, though, until he met me. I'm a unique person who thinks very differently than many people, and he was able to pick up on that quickly, hence less fear of judgment from me on his part. He's 40 now. I don't consider him old, not even remotely.

I do agree that age matters even less as you get older, although even before I met my husband, I knew I had a preference for older men. If I were looking for a relationship, my limit for myself would probably be no more than twelve years my senior. I don't know what it would be at 40 or 50, as I'm not there yet.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> I recently heard that once a man reaches 35 and is single (and never previously married), he is increasingly seen as no longer worth it. To women: Is this true? I have always heard that women have fairly early "expiration" dates if you will, but never men. At what age do you think men become too old to pursue a serious relationship with? I'd appreciate brutally honest answers.


Men are still boys until the age of 30, so at 35 they are finally becoming a man. Women mature so much faster than men, so no, you're not too old to have a serious relationship. Some women like myself appreciate a man who has life experience, men who are self secure and has gathered independence. Surely at 35 you know what you want, are more settled in your life, career and things that interest you. Personally i prefer a man i don't have to mother. For women who are still searching for a serious relationship, a man of your age is perfect mentally, sexually +. It all depends on the woman, although i'm pretty sure they're out there.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Chipps said:


> ...I think you need to be honest about why you're still single. If its because you really just havent met the right person, then fine. But if you have a long history of failed relationships most women are going to see that as a red flag and pass. I know I would.


Yeah. It's just something I take into account, per individual, as well. I weigh it differently if someone was in a LTR for many years (and showed some staying power) but then the relationship ended. In that case, I'd simply want to understand the basic dynamic of the breakup, so I could know if it might apply to me if I got involved with the guy.

Love is love. For me, I need someone who I connect with. Too much older than me, and I don't find that. (same way with much younger than me.) I do best with people who transcend age.



MuChApArAdOx said:


> Personally i prefer a man who i don't have to mother.


There is a biggie. I'm more independent myself (it's my highest-ranked attribute on OKC compared to other women my age, and by a significant amount)... and I don't want a guy I need to coddle and mom, he needs to be an adult too. Or, at least, I need to know he's capable and independent, and then I don't mind as much doting on him a bit.


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## waterviolet (Apr 28, 2010)

That's just ridiculous. The fact of the matter is the pool is simply getting smaller. It's not that he's deemed undesirable or beyond expiration date but he will certainly notice fewer suitors due to the shrinking pool of single women/men in his age group. He may feel like he struggles with the stereotype of either being A) A player/free spirit who has little desire to shack up and be tied to a ball-and-chain or B) a nice guy who is simply waiting for the right partner to come along - he's seeking quality. As is true with any age group, we all struggle to find a match with similar interests and life goals. 3 years ago I would have loved meeting someone single within my own age group...mid to late 30's, that's hard to come by without having to accept a serious amount of baggage.


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> It's wonderful to see so many women responding to this. And to see so many of them actually reading my terribly long posts before quoting them.


You gave us, what, 30 whole minutes in the middle of the night on a weekday? SHAME on us! (;


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

Mulberries said:


> Nonsense. No one is ever too old for a serious relationship.


This. Individuals might place a cap on it at certain stages of their lives (newsflash - we are ALL aging), but there certainly is no set date. Though, I am _fine_ if many think that way, more selection for ME!

I just turned 48. Anyone between the ages of 35 and 60 might potentially work for me. I like to keep my options open. By your example, 35 is almost too _young_, given my age. (;


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## Impavida (Dec 29, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> I recently heard that once a man reaches 35 and is single (and never previously married), he is increasingly seen as no longer worth it. To women: Is this true? I have always heard that women have fairly early "expiration" dates if you will, but never men. At what age do you think men become too old to pursue a serious relationship with? I'd appreciate brutally honest answers.


As others have stated in their answers, it really depends on why the man is still single and what his relationship history is. Marriage is pretty much irrelevant in today's era of common-law relationships. However, if a man is mid-thirties or older and has never so much as had a serious relationship, that's a huge red flag for me. It's not a deal breaker, but definitely a red flag.

IMO, there is no such thing as "too old" to pursue a relationship. My partner is 17 years older than me. I met him when I was 28 and he was 45. He had never been married. There are definitely issues regarding "time of life" with age gap relationships but very few of them are insurmountable. It really comes down to what both parties want to do with their lives rather than how old they are.


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## Indigo Aria (Jan 12, 2010)

It depends how old I am. I'm 21 now, and probably wouldn't date a guy older than say...28 or 29. But age is relative. When I'm 28, if I happen to be single, I may date up to a 40 year old guy. And as others have mentioned, I require some amount of maturity...which I often don't find in guys my age. In some ways, older is better, I just don't wanna be dating someone I have to worry about croaking on my future kids...


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## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

I've heard of that expiration date for women. I remember one male friend saying this about Asian women in particular, "They're fine for a long while, but one day, they just hit a wall and get old." That felt really good hearing it from him... Thank goodness for retinol! Anyway, half joking aside, I don't think there's a particular "too old" for men; it really depends on the person. What if I'm 80 and still available to mingle with a nice man? I wouldn't think his being 90 or 100 is so bad. It's relative, really.


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## alexande (Jan 8, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Men are still boys until the age of 30.


When do girls become woman?


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

Considering that there's a substantial number of women in their 20's who won't date anyone at least 30, I would say 35 is probably not too old. :dry: And there's no good reason why someone wouldn't date someone their own age. I think women might view men in their 30's the way men view women in their 20's.


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## Tulipgarden (Apr 5, 2012)

No way, the older the better for me. I like the fact that my husband is 8 years old than me, nearly 9 years. He will be 47 very soon. I was attracted to the fact that he is stable, settled down and knew what he wanted. I always liked older men. 

However, I did date this guy who was 20 years older than me and I think it only creeped me out because he really looked a lot like me Dad. I just couldn't do it. 

Ok, my daughter has this amazing boyfriend and they are the same age. He is 19. I love that kid! I thought she was nuts for not cashing in on that check a long time ago. Sometimes, age is just a number, I guess but I am still going to say that I prefer an older guy.


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## armika_armika (Nov 11, 2011)

alexande said:


> When do girls become woman?


Whenever they want to. I go back and forth between


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## alexande (Jan 8, 2012)

armika_armika said:


> Whenever they want to. I go back and forth between


Haha well that's no fair, I still have to wait 9 more years to try out this man thing roud:


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

Good to know I have 4 years and 1 month left before I become expired goods then. P Perhaps I should get the expiration date stamped, just to be official.


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## Darin Hamel (May 12, 2012)

I'm 45 and in the past 2 years I have dated 25 year olds to 33 year olds. I think there is greater bias on the male side than female.


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## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

Darin Hamel said:


> I'm 45 and in the past 2 years I have dated 25 year olds to 33 year olds. I think there is greater bias on the male side than female.


So you are saying that it wasn't too hard finding dates in the 25-33 year old range? Reading this thread has been a bit disappointing. I'm 24 and the plan is to get reasonably well off financially, then start dating 20-26 year olds by the time I hit 28-30. But if that's too hard I better start getting ready to date now.


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## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

Good thing I've always looked 2-3 years younger than I really am. It should extend my prime time.


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

If he's old enough to be my dad (Around 40's and upwards), then I can't accept that. Too big of an age gap, I'm afraid. And it's kind of sad that people are treated like food from a grocery store, expiration dates and all.

I've heard that for women, she's "done" when she hits anywhere between 25 to 30. According to what I've read on dating site research (forgot where the friggin website is, ugh), that men hit their peak in the dating world between 25 to 29, with 77% of daters interested in them. At 30 to 34, he is still seen as attractive to about half of the dating pool. 35+ and he's getting less and less attention, but this hits women of the same age even harder.

But this shouldn't be bad news to anybody, though. Because think about it; you're getting older and maybe most people will stay away, but you know who would always stick around and admire you for who you are and not of your youth? The person that you're meant to be with.  How wonderful that we have to worry about getting tied up with just ONE PERSON instead of loads of people in this lifetime.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

U too old? Solution: Go to Ukraine!






It really worked and they are still together.

I might give this a shot if USA dating doesn't work out in the next 3 years. I'm 19, but look 15, as my avatar shows.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

perennialurker said:


> I recently heard that once a man reaches 35 and is single (and never previously married), he is increasingly seen as no longer worth it. To women: Is this true? I have always heard that women have fairly early "expiration" dates if you will, but never men. At what age do you think men become too old to pursue a serious relationship with? I'd appreciate brutally honest answers.



It's not true in my case. Most women I know don't hold this mindset. 

The idea of people having expiration dates in the attraction department lol is just so offensive to me. In these times, women are becoming more educated and career-driven. A lot of women are marrying in their 30s, so I don't see how a 35 year old could be 'too old'. 

I am in my early 20s [23, to be specific], and I have dated a 29/30 year old. As I approach my mid-late 20s, I'd be completely open to dating men above 30. And, if I were 30 and single, I would obviously be looking in the 27-30+ range. So no, the 'expiration date' of 35 is outdated. It's pointless too, but I am sure you could tell that from my response lol.


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## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

Boss said:


> It's not true in my case. Most women I know don't hold this mindset.
> 
> The idea of people having expiration dates in the attraction department lol is just so offensive to me. In these times, women are becoming more educated and career-driven. A lot of women are marrying in their 30s, so I don't see how a 35 year old could be 'too old'.
> 
> I am in my early 20s [23, to be specific], and I have dated a 29/30 year old. As I approach my mid-late 20s, I'd be completely open to dating men above 30. And, if I were 30 and single, I would obviously be looking in the 27-30+ range. So no, the 'expiration date' of 35 is outdated. It's pointless too, but I am sure you could tell that from my response lol.


I think the biggest issue is biological. 35 is rather old for a women to start having children, what if the man wants 2-3 kids? She'll be ~37 by the time all the kids are out the oven. Not to mention what kind of baggage she might be lugging around, which also applies to males of course.

I'm a bit more selfish than that, but I'll show you what my INTJ mind is thinking. If I were to get an awesome girlfriend now, it would be great. She would be around my age we would happily grow old together. However, I plan on delaying that because there are other goals I want to achieve. I want to be financially well off, well educated, and overall just be the best that I can possibly be. Why would I put so much effort into being the best that I can be and then settle for a 35 year-old if 25 year olds are available. This might not apply to all men who wait until 35 to settle down, but it does for me.

On the other hand, if I wasted all my time not being the best that I could be then I would gladly accept a 35 year old as a partner. I would also accept an older partner is she was single due to circumstances outside the social sphere. For example, I would accept an older women who was single because she wanted to be the best she could be and therefore spent a lot of time improving herself.

I often wonder why some older men are single. Personally, I think most of the older men that are single are so because they do have one or two (or more) terrible personality traits. An concept of that is being unyielding and inflexible in their thinking; they refuse to adapt even though they are clearly wrong. Hardly any women want to me with such a man.

Simply put to men and women, if you're 35 and single, you better have a dam good reason why.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> I recently heard that once a man reaches 35 and is single (and never previously married), he is increasingly seen as no longer worth it. To women: Is this true? I have always heard that women have fairly early "expiration" dates if you will, but never men. At what age do you think men become too old to pursue a serious relationship with? I'd appreciate brutally honest answers.


not married doesnt concern me, not ever having had a long term committed relationship is more of an issue. Just because it appears that you just want to hit it and run. But Im sure if i was interested id give him a chance to explain.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

Thanks for all of the responses. To be clear I personally am not yet even 30, but I just have a tendency to plan far ahead. That said, I think it's quite likely that this could happen to me, not because I'm a "player" but because of the opposite reason. I am totally socially incompetent, especially around women, and failure tends to breed failure as many have alluded to already. This is because when people discover that one has been unable to establish and hold a long term relationship, it raises many flags and signifies that this person isn't worth having. 



@_Zster_ : No. That comment was not directed at women, but at the men who all piled in so quickly.


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