# Enneagram of Dads.



## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

He's a Superhero! said:


> What are each of the enneatype dad's like? How do they compare and how do they differ? What is/was your dad like (or step dad), and what is his type? I'm happy to hear both good and bad experiences.


my dad is 5w6 So/Sx. very dorky and generally not the most fun, but he's a nice guy and we pretty left each other alone, so I'm grateful to have had a less pushy than average father.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> my dad is 5w6 So/Sx. very dorky and generally not the most fun, but he's a nice guy and we pretty left each other alone, so I'm grateful to have had a less pushy than average father.


Absence is also not very good for kids tho.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Absence is also not very good for kids tho.


he wasn't really "absent". he's fairly affectionate, just really introverted and boring in a nerdy kind of way :tongue:


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> he wasn't really "absent". he's fairly affectionate, just really introverted and boring in a nerdy kind of way :tongue:


Ah ok lol! Well glad to hear he wasn't absent then.  Nerdy and dorky we can work with.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Dalton said:


> 9: tries to keep the kids calm, minimal fun but maximum peace


Or they'd just start to ignore them once they become too much to deal with.

I mean what.

Hm, my biological dad died before I ever got to know him, and I'm not sure what my stepdad's enneagram could be... but he strikes me as an Sp-dom. He seems to miss life before he settled with my mom at times. Not that I blame him, she can be a bitch.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

He's a Superhero! said:


> What is/was your dad like (or step dad), and what is his type? I'm happy to hear both good and bad experiences.


My dad is an 8w9 SO/SP. ESTP, possibly ENTP. Either 826 or 827. His 2w3 fix is very strong; his head fix just confuses me. Married a 692 SP/SO, ISFP.

He's one of those guys who is great to be friends/acquaintances with, but sucks to live with. Amiable and well-intentioned, but very egocentric. He has a habit of oscillating between helping too much and not helping at all, so it's a crap-shoot half the time on which he'll choose. He angers really easily and lets everyone know (by yelling), then forgets about it all an hour later; this is the complete opposite of how I've always handled anger. He's actually a _huge_ busybody who acts like he isn't... But he also knows everyone on the block, which can be helpful at times. 

He's, overall, an uninvolved parent. I don't respond well to pressure and he's very forceful, so we're both awkward around each other. He "stonewalls" (shuts down into silence) a lot and that makes him hard to talk to -- what's the point of talking to a wall? When he tries to help, the common thing is he'll suggest the obvious and act hurt that I've already done or considered/dismissed it; he's shut down a lot because of this which just increases frustration for both of us. But when I need to do something new and big, he'll be the first one to say "do it!", which I've used to my advantage before. In the past he used to be very... closed-minded, I guess -- leaning towards homogeneity -- but has lightened up a little with age; that being said, he has the "cranky old man" persona down pat. Despite the homogeneity, he's quite liberal.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Paradigm said:


> My dad is an 8w9 SO/SP. ESTP, possibly ENTP. Either 826 or 827. His 2w3 fix is very strong; his head fix just confuses me. Married a 692 SP/SO, ISFP.
> 
> He's one of those guys who is great to be friends/acquaintances with, but sucks to live with. Amiable and well-intentioned, but very egocentric. He has a habit of oscillating between helping too much and not helping at all, so it's a crap-shoot half the time on which he'll choose. He angers really easily and lets everyone know (by yelling), then forgets about it all an hour later; this is the complete opposite of how I've always handled anger. He's actually a _huge_ busybody who acts like he isn't... But he also knows everyone on the block, which can be helpful at times.
> 
> He's, overall, an uninvolved parent. I don't respond well to pressure and he's very forceful, so we're both awkward around each other. He "stonewalls" (shuts down into silence) a lot and that makes him hard to talk to -- what's the point of talking to a wall? When he tries to help, the common thing is he'll suggest the obvious and act hurt that I've already done or considered/dismissed it; he's shut down a lot because of this which just increases frustration for both of us. But when I need to do something new and big, he'll be the first one to say "do it!", which I've used to my advantage before. In the past he used to be very... closed-minded, I guess -- leaning towards homogeneity -- but has lightened up a little with age; that being said, he has the "cranky old man" persona down pat. Despite the homogeneity, he's quite liberal.


Would you say his ego could be the main problem here? Unfortunately that is pretty common, so I would like to talk more about it.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Would you say his ego could be the main problem here? Unfortunately that is pretty common, so I would like to talk more about it.


Yeah it is :laughing: That's part of why I have a hard time seeing him as 6-fixed, because he's so egocentric. My dad has a habit of assuming everyone should be like him: outgoing, assertive, adventurous, etc. I feel like a 268 would be more tolerant of differences. Yet he has 6ish behaviors like being over-cautious and trying too hard at thinking things through, so I don't rule it out. (And I could have the wrong impression of 268.)

But yeah. I feel like my dad is dismissive of traits which he doesn't share. I was the child who was opposite of his personality, and he never "stooped low enough" to figure out how to relate to me. My sister is a lot like him in personality, but shares none of his interests; I'm a lot like my mom in personality, but dad and I share a few interests. Neither of us are close to him. The problem is, he likes interacting with people but hates dealing with their problems (like, emotional problems) -- and that's actually _pretty damn important_, to deal with problems, when you have kids. If you can't deal with their problems, it just shows the kids you're disinterested, which is definitely the feeling, I would say, both my sister and I got from him while growing up. 

But, on the subject of dealing with problems, he just doesn't handle them well. My sister is _way _more resilient to his yelling, but I would literally wilt under it. Nowadays he's more "quiet," but he's still impatient and impulsive, and like I said, he says the obvious and over-helps. He has a hard time listening to instructions or taking suggestions, too. My mom will talk it out with me, listen, and keep a level tone; she seems to respect my maturity/age a little more. So I did what most anyone would do and gravitated towards the parent that related to my personality (my mom and I are more friends than parent/child), and avoided the parent that didn't. 

Now that I'm an adult and realize most of this, I've put more effort in meeting his personality some. I think he has learned to do so a little, too. But it's still hard. The 20+ years of history just isn't there with him.

Apologies if this has a "venting" tone to it. I think the subject matter is a bit prone to it xD


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## bkdjdnfbnne (Mar 8, 2015)

I think he's an 6w5 sp/so near enough like me. Although, this is going off limited information and him not actually taking the test. I'm unsure of his tritype though as well as I'm not that knowledgeable enough in tritypes to really tell.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

My dad's an INTP 9w1. Don't know stackings but probably sx/sp or sp/sx. Like the 9 he is, he was pretty much never present nor had any real presence in my life, and he tended to be a doormat to everyone around him and disliked conflict a lot. If there was any hostility he'd go spoof. I don't even know what he did most of the time when that happened, actually. His 1 wing made him a little righteous when he did finally get angry which happened once in a blue moon. You would have to do something pretty serious for it to happen. He'd give you the whole "I'm so disappointed in you" speech like 1s do. Otherwise he's very go with the flow and congenial and doesn't like to take up space. 

Like I don't know, he's a pretty typical 9 and INTP to me. Very much for his creature comforts and could essentially bunker himself up with snacks in his favorite armchair with a book and never leave, would you let him. Very lazy and does a lot of things based on being caught in the motion. Also extremely patient and is good at taking care of menial tasks the rest of us have no patience for like doing ironing properly. I also think the 1 wing shows up here in that he has that perfectionist streak in seeking to iron it perfectly. Stepmom always tasked him with ironing the curtains and tablecloths lol, because he can stand there forever until there's not a single wrinkle left.

I guess I should mention also, that we've always had this weird awkward silence among us, never understanding how to get close to each other. It's pretty dumb since I'm the only child and I only got dad left but he's socially awkward as fuck and doesn't know how to really instigate conversation, and neither do I. It's funny reading ILI-LII descriptions like that, because it describes the problem we have very well where none of us really know how to bridge the psychological distance, especially since we got nothing really in common that could help do that naturally, though we do tend to see things the same way surprisingly often, I suppose, like attacking grandma when she goes with the whole tirade of it was better before lol. We also both want a closer relationship I think, but none of us really know how to do it so it's whatever, I guess. I think we both kind of went 9 on that and resigned to the fact, heh. Dad being an actual 9 though, I think he's more attach-y than I inherently am. He likes connection but just doesn't really know how to create them with people more than being a doormat for others to walk over. He wants to support people but yet dislike asserting himself. 

I think the most ironic thing of all is that he's working for the Swedish police and has managed to reach a pretty high position. He also ended up specializing in children's crime which is one of the most psychologically taxing fields (you deal with crimes against children and criminals who are underaged). He's also an extremely introverted person, more so than I am. It's part why it's so difficult to type him in the first place.


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

I'm fairly certain my dad is a 7 core, possibly 7w8. He's probably got 3 and 9 in there too. I used to think he was SO, but now I realize he is much more solitary than I am, and he enjoys privacy and alone time and being away from people in a way that makes me feel thoughtfully nauseated.

Overall I suppose I suspect * 7w8 3w2 9w1 sp/so*.


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## MrShatter (Sep 28, 2010)

Istp 1w9 Sp/So


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Paradigm said:


> Yeah it is :laughing: That's part of why I have a hard time seeing him as 6-fixed, because he's so egocentric. My dad has a habit of assuming everyone should be like him: outgoing, assertive, adventurous, etc. I feel like a 268 would be more tolerant of differences. Yet he has 6ish behaviors like being over-cautious and trying too hard at thinking things through, so I don't rule it out. (And I could have the wrong impression of 268.)
> 
> But yeah. I feel like my dad is dismissive of traits which he doesn't share. I was the child who was opposite of his personality, and he never "stooped low enough" to figure out how to relate to me. My sister is a lot like him in personality, but shares none of his interests; I'm a lot like my mom in personality, but dad and I share a few interests. Neither of us are close to him. The problem is, he likes interacting with people but hates dealing with their problems (like, emotional problems) -- and that's actually _pretty damn important_, to deal with problems, when you have kids. If you can't deal with their problems, it just shows the kids you're disinterested, which is definitely the feeling, I would say, both my sister and I got from him while growing up.
> 
> ...


No apologies are needed - and if this venting is helping you, then I'm all the more happy to read it!

You covered a very important point here as well...Being able to deal with one's children's problems is an essential part of good parenting. A common thing with this is often a child will see a problem as huge but the parent will see it as tiny and just shrug it off, but how does shrugging it off help the child, who still feels like it's a big deal even tho no one else seems to care. At the very least the parent should talk with the child about it, but children, especially young children, should always be able to throw their problems onto their parents, who are supposed to be able to deal with that. This is one reason why it's important to be mature in being able to take on more, and deal with more...An emotional maturity.

How can one deflate their own ego? Would be my next question. Obviously one would first have to recognize they have this problem, but then what?


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

MrShatter said:


> Istp 1w9 Sp/So


What's he like? Pros and cons.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Entropic said:


> My dad's an INTP 9w1. Don't know stackings but probably sx/sp or sp/sx. Like the 9 he is, he was pretty much never present nor had any real presence in my life, and he tended to be a doormat to everyone around him and disliked conflict a lot. If there was any hostility he'd go spoof. I don't even know what he did most of the time when that happened, actually. His 1 wing made him a little righteous when he did finally get angry which happened once in a blue moon. You would have to do something pretty serious for it to happen. He'd give you the whole "I'm so disappointed in you" speech like 1s do. Otherwise he's very go with the flow and congenial and doesn't like to take up space.
> 
> Like I don't know, he's a pretty typical 9 and INTP to me. Very much for his creature comforts and could essentially bunker himself up with snacks in his favorite armchair with a book and never leave, would you let him. Very lazy and does a lot of things based on being caught in the motion. Also extremely patient and is good at taking care of menial tasks the rest of us have no patience for like doing ironing properly. I also think the 1 wing shows up here in that he has that perfectionist streak in seeking to iron it perfectly. Stepmom always tasked him with ironing the curtains and tablecloths lol, because he can stand there forever until there's not a single wrinkle left.
> 
> ...


I imagine that working in children's crime it would help a lot to be detached from the people you have to deal with - same for children's surgeon, as otherwise when things go wrong it could really mess with your emotions. Could this be the case for your father at all?


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

I currently type my father as a 6w7 sp/so. But I have thought 2 before. I think he is a 269. Some points:

*He's a good dad. Supportive, comprehensive and isn't strict.
*He's very family oriented; I remember one conversation where he said the family we have is the type of family he always wanted. Our family is very conventional or traditional and we are very close (or at least we spend a lot of time together). In general he puts his family first.
*I grew up closer to my mom than to him, but not because he was absent, but because we didn't seem to have a lot in common. I am the only man of their children and I guess he wanted me to share his interests, to have one-on-one time with me and do things together as father and the only male child of the family, but I wasn't interested in that.
*He likes giving me advice, even if I disregard it sometimes, and he likes helping others. I think people in general, in our family from both sides, esteem him because he tries to be present and contribute. 
*My father is a little impatient and likes to receive a good service. He's a sucker for friendly salespeople that give him undivided attention. He demads quick service and is vocal about complaints on the service. He sometimes jumps the queue and takes advantage of opportunities where he can get there first (not exactly principled). Sometimes when they don't treat him right, he gets mad and can take an attitude of 'I must do it on my own then'. I can relate to that, though I don't expect to be served as he does sometimes; I withdraw more quickly, I am more sensitive to rejection, I guess. I don't think he is very prideful or that he thinks of himself as superior or more deserving though. 
*He's also a little protective of the things he loves. In their wedding picture, he appears wrapping my mother from behind, with an intense look in his eyes that make me think he's thinking 'this girl is mine'. I commented about that and she said he was a little jealous at the time because my mother is beautiful and was often courted by other men. 
*He likes the comfort of the familiar. He enjoys the simple pleasures. A lot of times I complain that we do the same things over and over again, and mostly it is because of him. He's a homebody, maybe because he has spent a lot of time of his life wandering, moving from one place to another, to try to find a way for his family to have what he didn't have when he was younger. I admire him for that.
*He has these business ideas, ideas about the things he wants to do, but he doesn't really want to get involved. He wants to have it in a finger snap. I wouldn't say he is lazy because he worked really hard to get where we are. 

There's a lot that I don't know about my dad. From pictures, he seemed wilder when he was younger. I really don't know him. When I came out, he hugged me while my mother stayed in the background in shock. And in times of tragedy in the family, he remained strong and ready to help in any way. I feel like he likes to deal with those feelings in his own, to not burden others with them. Sometimes I feel like I don't appreciate him as much as I should. He hasn't hurt me in any way. He deserves my gratitude. And sometimes I can be mean with him.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

0+n*1 said:


> I currently type my father as a 6w7 sp/so. But I have thought 2 before. I think he is a 269. Some points:
> 
> *He's a good dad. Supportive, comprehensive and isn't strict.
> *He's very family oriented; I remember one conversation where he said the family we have is the type of family he always wanted. Our family is very conventional or traditional and we are very close (or at least we spend a lot of time together). In general he puts his family first.
> ...


He does sound like a really nice dad! 

Why would you say you weren't interested in spending one-to-one or father-son time with your dad? This may be a good thing to understand. Was it that he was boring, or just too different, or something else maybe?
What could he have done to make you more interested in this?


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Why would you say you weren't interested in spending one-to-one or father-son time with your dad? This may be a good thing to understand. Was it that he was boring, or just too different, or something else maybe?
> What could he have done to make you more interested in this?


Mmmm. I remember him inviting me to places and declining when I was little. I was not interested in the things he was interested in. He liked playing basketball and, even if I accompanied him sometimes, the appeal for me was the park and not the game. He also watches soccer once in a while and that bores me. He also loves gardening and I am indifferent to it (when I was a teenager I thought I didn't want to have a garden when I grow up just to be against it). He was trying to bond and I was trying to be on my own, I guess. It's not that we were very different. Honestly, I feel like I cannot talk about it. I don't remember a lot from my past. I don't want to make you think that we weren't congenial, or that I resented him for something, because I don't know if I felt that way. I just remember there was some distance between us. When I was little, my mother asked me a few times why I wasn't open with my dad and whenever I had something to tell, I always looked for her instead of him. I was his boy and maybe I made him feel rejected or excluded. Only if we have a candid conversation, I can access those memories. I don't think I cannot recall because they were traumatic or similar. It's just that I cannot access memories so easily. You make me wonder how I feel about my father. I love him. A lot. But there's this blurry thing that I need to figure out first. I wonder how he feels about me. I wonder if he felt like I said, rejected, excluded or hurt. What is the damage I have done to him and the damage he has done to me? There must be something. But the past has the answers. Memory is so unreliable.

I don't think there's something my closed ones can do to have me closer or be more interested. I need to feel the urge to approach them, to look for them. It is selfish because they are not going to be there whenever I feel like it. 

Now that I think about it, maybe I just think he wanted to spend time with me because I want to think he did. It's weird because I don't feel unloved. I don't think I do. But maybe I feel it. It's hard to tell.

You opened some pandora box here. It's fairly easy to put me in this state of mind where I wonder and reconsider.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

0+n*1 said:


> Mmmm. I remember him inviting me to places and declining when I was little. I was not interested in the things he was interested in. He liked playing basketball and, even if I accompanied him sometimes, the appeal for me was the park and not the game. He also watches soccer once in a while and that bores me. He also loves gardening and I am indifferent to it (when I was a teenager I thought I didn't want to have a garden when I grow up just to be against it). He was trying to bond and I was trying to be on my own, I guess. It's not that we were very different. Honestly, I feel like I cannot talk about it. I don't remember a lot from my past. I don't want to make you think that we weren't congenial, or that I resented him for something, because I don't know if I felt that way. I just remember there was some distance between us. When I was little, my mother asked me a few times why I wasn't open with my dad and whenever I had something to tell, I always looked for her instead of him. I was his boy and maybe I made him feel rejected or excluded. Only if we have a candid conversation, I can access those memories. I don't think I cannot recall because they were traumatic or similar. It's just that I cannot access memories so easily. You make me wonder how I feel about my father. I love him. A lot. But there's this blurry thing that I need to figure out first. I wonder how he feels about me. I wonder if he felt like I said, rejected, excluded or hurt. What is the damage I have done to him and the damage he has done to me? There must be something. But the past has the answers. Memory is so unreliable.
> 
> I don't think there's something my closed ones can do to have me closer or be more interested. I need to feel the urge to approach them, to look for them. It is selfish because they are not going to be there whenever I feel like it.
> 
> ...


I hope you don't mind talking about this...I'm finding this deeply interesting nonetheless, so if you are ok with considering it further than I am happy to read. Obviously there are unanswered questions here, which may be good for you to find out for the sake of yourself - understanding yourself, your past, etc. How would it be if you had a deep discussion with your dad about this, what might happen? For now you don't know, and finding out could at least give you, and maybe your dad, closure...especially if it turns out that your dad did feel rejected or hurt. Maybe he didn't tho, so finding out would stop you from worrying about if you weren't the best son. Keep in mind too that the responsibility fell on him when you were little, to be a good father, so don't blame yourself for how you behaved when you were only small.
If you find out more about this, I hope you would be willing to share it with me - even via PM if that's better for you - as I think this is a prime example of something that I should learn about so I can be the best dad possible.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

He's a Superhero! said:


> I imagine that working in children's crime it would help a lot to be detached from the people you have to deal with - same for children's surgeon, as otherwise when things go wrong it could really mess with your emotions. Could this be the case for your father at all?


He rarely if ever mentions his job, so I can't tell how much that plays a role.


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

I'm considering sp 3 for my dad (though arguments for 1 and 8 would be easy). I tend to go with this typing because I feel it explains why I act like a 3 or sp-first - I was heavily influenced by my father and his expectations. 

I think it's pretty unfortunate in some arenas to have a 3 for a parent, especially if it's the one you're closer to. They think success is the only way for them to get love, and it feels like they (subconsciously or otherwise) will only give love to the kids that are worth bragging about. So you end up being this 8-year-old (who acts 16 because she has so many older siblings to keep up with) walking around doing everything she can to be impressive. And I mean, I was good at it. I finally realized a couple years ago that people are freaking dying to be impressed by me. But it never did anything for me. It was more just checking off the To Do list - gave Dad something to brag about, check! It was a problem, and now it's fixed. No angst required. Emotions were never a big thing (read: super discouraged), which didn't bother me when I was young, but now I think it's, well, unfortunate. 

But upside? I was trained to be completely self-reliant and I was groomed to be successful at whatever I try, because people want to be impressed by me. He insists we're "natural-born leaders". And I guess there are worse types for an 8 child to have for a father.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

MalibuCathedral said:


> My dad is an E8, He was manipulative, emotionally & mentally abusive, rude, angry and had PTSD. He calls his ''insults'' , ''love''.
> 8 parents are probably the worse.


I'm an 8. Father of two teenagers, or 5 depending on how you count...

I can be rude, angry, pushy. my kids never ever have doubted my love for them, nor have they doubted I'd back them up in whatever they choose to do in life. 
My son is an ENFJ, daughter INFP, step daugter ENTJ.. All incredibly independent people, successful, outgoing when they choose. 

My son told me to fuck off the first time 3 years ago, and I swallowed hard, and owned the fact he is a young man who needs to be independent. 

Dad is INTJ, 1 or 3 or 5 or something. He made me tough, me made me strong. 

Being a parent is not about being liked. It is about getting the kids raised the best you can.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Paradigm said:


> Yeah it is :laughing: That's part of why I have a hard time seeing him as 6-fixed, because he's so egocentric. My dad has a habit of assuming everyone should be like him: outgoing, assertive, adventurous, etc. I feel like a 268 would be more tolerant of differences. Yet he has 6ish behaviors like being over-cautious and trying too hard at thinking things through, so I don't rule it out. (And I could have the wrong impression of 268.)
> 
> But yeah. I feel like my dad is dismissive of traits which he doesn't share. I was the child who was opposite of his personality, and he never "stooped low enough" to figure out how to relate to me. My sister is a lot like him in personality, but shares none of his interests; I'm a lot like my mom in personality, but dad and I share a few interests. Neither of us are close to him. The problem is, he likes interacting with people but hates dealing with their problems (like, emotional problems) -- and that's actually _pretty damn important_, to deal with problems, when you have kids. If you can't deal with their problems, it just shows the kids you're disinterested, which is definitely the feeling, I would say, both my sister and I got from him while growing up.
> 
> ...


As an an ENTP 8 with an INFP daugther, it is tough. I have no sisters, no female cousins, no one to compare to except my crazy mother and ex wife. 
I truly do NOT understand IxFP and all the emotions, and when the emotions start flowing, I try to listen, but feel like a duck in a rain storm - all this shit coming down on me, and none of it is mine, wtf am I supposed to do?

I do love, but don't know how to help. Make sense?


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## EmeraldOnTheInside (Jul 21, 2014)

drmiller100 said:


> I'm an 8. Father of two teenagers, or 5 depending on how you count...
> 
> I can be rude, angry, pushy. my kids never ever have doubted my love for them, nor have they doubted I'd back them up in whatever they choose to do in life.
> My son is an ENFJ, daughter INFP, step daugter ENTJ.. All incredibly independent people, successful, outgoing when they choose.
> ...


I'm an INFP and well, I don't really like my father. Its kinda sad cause he knows that too. I probably won't ever get a long with him; but sometimes he sticks up for me. Lol.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

MalibuCathedral said:


> I'm an INFP and well, I don't really like my father. Its kinda sad cause he knows that too. I probably won't ever get a long with him; but sometimes he sticks up for me. Lol.


What is your dad's biggest dream? What is his biggest fear? Does he love you?

How is he at understanding emotions and feelings?


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## EmeraldOnTheInside (Jul 21, 2014)

drmiller100 said:


> What is your dad's biggest dream? What is his biggest fear? Does he love you?
> 
> How is he at understanding emotions and feelings?


His biggest dream is for me to work alongside of him doing ''Government work''.
He wants me to become a millionaire and stay in Texas with him.
Basically all of his aspirations are about me ''working'' or becoming ''rich''.
His biggest fear is that I'll hate him and become an alcoholic like him.
I'm pretty sure he does, he's got a funny way of showing it though.

He DOESN'T. He literally tells me ''I don't want to understand you'' -.-


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

MalibuCathedral said:


> His biggest dream is for me to work alongside of him doing ''Government work''.
> He wants me to become a millionaire and stay in Texas with him.
> Basically all of his aspirations are about me ''working'' or becoming ''rich''.
> His biggest fear is that I'll hate him and become an alcoholic like him.
> ...


I bet he has dreams and fears outside of you......


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## EmeraldOnTheInside (Jul 21, 2014)

drmiller100 said:


> I bet he has dreams and fears outside of you......


He's afraid he won't be as efficient as his ISTJ father. 
He felt like his father was the best father in the world, When really he emotionally,physically and mentally abused him.
He was molested a lot too and was a ''stripper'' for a bit. He even was homeless. Its kinda sad, no one really liked him.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

drmiller100 said:


> As an an ENTP 8 with an INFP daugther, it is tough. I have no sisters, no female cousins, no one to compare to except my crazy mother and ex wife.
> I truly do NOT understand IxFP and all the emotions, and when the emotions start flowing, I try to listen, but feel like a duck in a rain storm - all this shit coming down on me, and none of it is mine, wtf am I supposed to do?
> 
> I do love, but don't know how to help. Make sense?


I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to imply I think my dad doesn't love me. He does, I'm certain of it! But you can love someone without really... liking(?) them. 

The funny thing is, my dad actually pushes my own sex on me more than I would like. I don't identify with women or much of anything feminine -- I don't identify with gender much at all, in fact, neither masculinity or femininity. So my dad would try pushing dresses and make-up and such on me, still does sometimes, and it makes me kinda shirk away. (My mom does not. He pushes this stuff onto my mom, too, actually.) 

I'm not INFP, either... I type as INTJ, but could be ISFP. But I did have even more severe depression as a teenager. I was a sensitive child, too, actually. (Side story: I watched The Little Princess at 3-4 years old and started crying, scared that the main character's dad abandoned her and would never come back. My dad had to sit me down and say, "daddies always come back," which apparently soothed me.)

So what I'm saying is, in _my_ opinion, you don't need to relate to her on a "female" level. You don't even need to _relate_ to her emotions. You mostly just need to validate her experiences. I think that if you try, most children will recognize that. My dad often just outright gave up and shut down, and my mom had to do most of the parenting work. Dad would yell and leave, which didn't help anything; Mom would explain and talk. (For example, I was the type of kid who needed to know WHY about _everything_. If I didn't know why, I was rebellious and angry, but was largely compliant if the reasons were good. Mom catered to that and explained her rules, what she did, how she thought -- which turned into trust and less questions as I got older, and more vicarious experience. My dad expected nothing but obedience, "because I said so." Another reason to avoid him, go figure.)

Anyway I don't know if some of this helped, but hope it did. I'm mostly throwing stuff that didn't (or did) work with me in the hopes you, or anyone else, can see what might actually work instead.

------
EDIT to avoid double-post:

And actually, what would have been amazing was if my dad just shared one little interest with me, taught me and spent time with me and stuff. My fondest memories are playing stupid computer games with him as a little kid; I remember being 5 and playing old shoot-'em-ups, and those old Myst games. We both liked science and electronics, I watched him work in the garage, stuff was nice. He was more pushy than I liked in other areas, but those shared interests were always there from when I was a toddler.

Once I hit older childhood, like 8 or 9, he just outright stopped that and became emotionally unavailable. I was too far in my head to know why, and I can't remember much about that age now... But I do remember asking if he would do more computer things with me and he never said yes, so eventually I stopped asking. Can't say it's all his fault, as I know I steadily became more and more withdrawn, but at the same time I feel like he was far older (more "wise") and should have... known better.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Entropic said:


> He rarely if ever mentions his job, so I can't tell how much that plays a role.


Hmm, could be suppression maybe? Not willing to talk about it...Not sure. It certainly would be helpful to be detached or be able to tune out in such jobs tho! I can't imagine surviving that line of work. :S I'll give him a point for toughness regardless.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

periwinklepromise said:


> I'm considering sp 3 for my dad (though arguments for 1 and 8 would be easy). I tend to go with this typing because I feel it explains why I act like a 3 or sp-first - I was heavily influenced by my father and his expectations.
> 
> I think it's pretty unfortunate in some arenas to have a 3 for a parent, especially if it's the one you're closer to. They think success is the only way for them to get love, and it feels like they (subconsciously or otherwise) will only give love to the kids that are worth bragging about. So you end up being this 8-year-old (who acts 16 because she has so many older siblings to keep up with) walking around doing everything she can to be impressive. And I mean, I was good at it. I finally realized a couple years ago that people are freaking dying to be impressed by me. But it never did anything for me. It was more just checking off the To Do list - gave Dad something to brag about, check! It was a problem, and now it's fixed. No angst required. Emotions were never a big thing (read: super discouraged), which didn't bother me when I was young, but now I think it's, well, unfortunate.
> 
> But upside? I was trained to be completely self-reliant and I was groomed to be successful at whatever I try, because people want to be impressed by me. He insists we're "natural-born leaders". And I guess there are worse types for an 8 child to have for a father.


Thank you for sharing this - and good for me in particular due to having a 3 wing.
The thing is, life is not all about success, and it's ok to fail and stuff...we all do at times, sometimes very often. Trying is important, and being positive is important, and being good role models is important, but there is a balance to find.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

My father was a very unhealthy and abusive *ISTJ 5w6, 8w7, 3w2 (The Solution Master tritype 583) sp/sx.*

He had a rough childhood, growing up poor. His mother was a second wife and his father died young from opium overdose. He grew up on the streets, dropped out of school in the 5th grade. He's the second youngest of 4 and was always the troublemaker.

Some good traits he had, were that he was self-taught in many handy skills. Repairing cars, fixing things around the house... what he calls useful, money saving skills. He was very conservative with money and energy usage (almost obsessively so) and looking back, it was likely due to a desire to hoard resources because he grew up poor. He was timely, efficient, and practical.

He lived in a country where he was also the racial minority, so he was bullied and beat up often. It added to his superiority complex. He also grew up with very sexist views of marriage and roles of women. He was abusive to my mother and myself. 

I know this thread is supposed to be a happy one for father's day, but I have daddy issues haha.

I think Father's Day is great. Just wished I had a better father.

My husband also has father issues. His father was president of a local motorcycle gang (no doubt a 1%er). He shot himself after sending the kids off to the fair one day. Likely an *ESTJ*, no idea on enneagram because my husband doesn't remember him all that well. My husband was 10 at the time.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

drmiller100 said:


> I'm an 8. Father of two teenagers, or 5 depending on how you count...
> 
> I can be rude, angry, pushy. my kids never ever have doubted my love for them, nor have they doubted I'd back them up in whatever they choose to do in life.
> My son is an ENFJ, daughter INFP, step daugter ENTJ.. All incredibly independent people, successful, outgoing when they choose.
> ...


Thank you for sharing! Whatever the case, I can see that your heart's definitely in the right place! I have to say, if you are too hard or too soft tho, it won't turn out well...there is a balance for all things.

Plus if your kids don't like you at all then surely that is a bad sign - obviously your kids like you at least to a degree, just pointing out the importance of this. Also, people don't like to follow or obey those who they don't like.

Lastly, as their role model - maybe even their main role model in life - if you are often rude, angry and pushy with them or in front of them, then sooner or later they will be that way to you, as well as towards other people.



drmiller100 said:


> As an an ENTP 8 with an INFP daugther, it is tough. I have no sisters, no female cousins, no one to compare to except my crazy mother and ex wife.
> I truly do NOT understand IxFP and all the emotions, and when the emotions start flowing, I try to listen, but feel like a duck in a rain storm - all this shit coming down on me, and none of it is mine, wtf am I supposed to do?
> 
> I do love, but don't know how to help. Make sense?


Just sitting there and listening is doing a world of good.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

stiletto said:


> My father was a very unhealthy and abusive *ISTJ 5w6, 8w7, 3w2 (The Solution Master tritype 583) sp/sx.*
> 
> He had a rough childhood, growing up poor. His mother was a second wife and his father died young from opium overdose. He grew up on the streets, dropped out of school in the 5th grade. He's the second youngest of 4 and was always the troublemaker.
> 
> ...


Just to clarify: This thread has nothing to do with Father's Day (I hadn't even thought about that), and it doesn't have to be happy at all. The whole point of this thread is for people to learn from eachother, especially learn from the mistakes of others, so men can be better fathers regardless of what time of year it is.

And thank you very much for sharing!


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

drmiller100 said:


> As an an ENTP 8 with an INFP daugther, it is tough. I have no sisters, no female cousins, no one to compare to except my crazy mother and ex wife.
> I truly do NOT understand IxFP and all the emotions, and when the emotions start flowing, I try to listen, but feel like a duck in a rain storm - all this shit coming down on me, and none of it is mine, wtf am I supposed to do?
> 
> I do love, but don't know how to help. Make sense?


I wanted to talk more about this...

So you are already doing the right thing by just sitting there and listening, which makes the see that you care, allows them to vent a lot of stress and emotions and then feel a lot better, and makes them know that they can turn to you about whatever they need to in the future, so you also gain more of their confidence. You don't have to have an answer for their problems, and often we don't, so don't feel like you always have to have an answer, or know what to do in every situation. Another thing that is surprisingly way more important than most realize, science shows that a simple hug is the most amazing thing.
Your kid is crying about their problems, and you are lost for words? Just give them a hug.

The simplest and easiest things really can make all the difference.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe I'm listening and accepting and loving her, and she sees it as uncaring and removed and non emotional and impatient.


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## Flaming Bassoon (Feb 15, 2013)

My dad's an ENFP 7w6 so/sx (749 tritype, methinks) that really looks like a 6 because he has such bad anxiety, but in the end of the day he's always changing shit up -- he's regularly moved every year for a while now and has had a veritable arsenal of vehicles. So I get my positivity and dreaminess from him, along with the 4 fix, and my 1 wing from my mom, a 1w2 sp/so (162, _super _high expectations) and an ISTJ. He's always been the "fun" parent and she was always there for me at the end of the day -- she has this sort of 8 compulsion to protect her sweet wittle INFP 9 from the big scary world, I guess. 

(Sp first ISTJ 1s and Sp last ENFP 7s _really _shouldn't get married, by the way.)


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

drmiller100 said:


> Maybe I'm listening and accepting and loving her, and she sees it as uncaring and removed and non emotional and impatient.


Have you asked her this?


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Flaming Bassoon said:


> (Sp first ISTJ 1s and Sp last ENFP 7s _really _shouldn't get married, by the way.)


Why is that? :O


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## Flaming Bassoon (Feb 15, 2013)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Why is that? :O


Well, they were married in their early twenties so neither of them were well developed...had they gotten married later, it would've been a good balance instead of ending in divorce.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Flaming Bassoon said:


> Well, they were married in their early twenties so neither of them were well developed...had they gotten married later, it would've been a good balance instead of ending in divorce.


Oh ok, I thought you meant that that type combo shouldn't get married at all.


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## newbie const (Nov 26, 2015)

He's a Superhero! said:


> What are each of the enneatype dad's like? How do they compare and how do they differ? What is/was your dad like (or step dad), and what is his type? I'm happy to hear both good and bad experiences.


I suppose my dad is INFP 4w5 ??/Sx.One thing I notice about him is that he is very simple-minded.He got seriously befooled by peoples in past,yet he believes in them still (which I'll never do).

Overall,despite some faults,he is a nice person.


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## fair phantom (Mar 5, 2015)

My dad is definitely a 9. I think 9w1 so/sp. Could be so/sx

In some ways it was bad because he could be blithely unaware of when he said something hurtful and, worse, he didn't protect me from my emotionally abusive stepmother—because he somehow managed to prevent himself from seeing it until it became obvious (they are divorced now, which has helped me feel a lot more positively towards him).

However he is easy to talk to (about non-emotional things). He is open-minded, tolerant, helpful, friendly, honest, and kind. I don't even remember what it sounds like when he yells because he has only done so maybe once in my hearing. Yet he isn't weak. I appreciate how he is even-tempered and yet able to keep the aggressions of others in check. And that he always treated everyone—man, woman, black, white, rich, poor, foreign, domestic in essentially the same way. And this seems to stem from a genuinely "democratic" attitude. 

In short, while we have had our problems, I am glad he is my father and think he is a good man.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

My dad is an INTP 9w1-3w4-5w6 

Very perfectionist and demanding but not very open about it mostly, a friendly parent, very soft, but with high expectations, he always believed I'd do the right thing, because I'm like him but better)
His big desire was always to make it up to me for first years of my life when he wasn't there.
I also think he's very 3 admiring, you can definitely see his line to 3 in how he was raising me, what he considered motivating.
He's very bad with emotions though, especially was when I was younger, and like...we did have serious, emotional conversations sometimes when I was a child but it was more like him opening up to me.
And it was...idk, it was emotional but I don't think it helped me understand emotions in general.
I feel like I truly got into emotions recently, during late high school years when I got closer to other people and more distant from him, and tbh I regret it a bit.He has his world with his laws only him and me understand I'd say and him being a merging 9(possibly sx) and me being a sp/sx and me (and either 2w3 or 3w2 with a 9 fix too) made him very close to me, idealizing of me and I do think it's partly my 'fault', I grew attached to him because I was so damn important to him.
He was always a bit childlike, naive, compared to me though. I figured that out early and used it lol, but I still respected him and wanted him to know that. But I also felt a bit uncomfortable around him, it wasn't conscious back then but kinda like I got at least 5 years older every time I was around him. Some aspects of me at least, not sure how to explain. 
You can even see it in photos, the ones taken by him are calm, poised, he always made me smile just a bit though with our inside jokes)
But it's different to how I was with other people.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

He's a Superhero! said:


> What are each of the enneatype dad's like? How do they compare and how do they differ? What is/was your dad like (or step dad), and what is his type? I'm happy to hear both good and bad experiences.


my dad is INTP 5w6 (Social). as a child, I found him kind of mousy and over-intellectual, but he pretty much left me alone, wasn't too controlling and would at least try to explain things to me, so I appreciated that. he's fairly grounded and sensible for a 5, which I've grown to appreciate. all in all, I'd much rather have him than most of the dads I've seen


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## Kendrix (Feb 1, 2016)

Well, like many previous posters, I did not get lucky in the Dad department... at all. He's pretty much the one who personally put the fear of [insert type appropiate horror] into myself and my siblings. 

I find it very interesting that everyone finds whatever type [asshole parent] was "the worst", though everyone agrees that narcissistic parents are horrible, and so do I. But, give me the 7s and 8s anytime, it's 1 through 3 that terrify me, at least the cray-cray examples, most types sound cool virtuous, admirable & hot when you consider them at their best. 

I guess the take-away message is that it depends more on wether the person generally has their shit together than what their exact type is. 

He's a *sp/soc 3w2-1w2-6w5 ISTJ* (likely SLI-Te subvariant), *married to a sx 972 ENFP* (Who is herself an _awesome_ parent/ the best mommy in the world, and deserves a lot better than that yahoo) and basically has only the _worst_ parts of all that, plus the compulsion to act pretentious an pseudo-intellectual. You can't really talk philosophy to him, he'll just quote the Pope or something, but he was raised in a very 3-ish environment ("Everyone in our family is an academic. If you don't graduade with all As, there's nothing to celebrate.") 

As much as I hate him, I can't deny that he's _very_ good at what he does. He's a Doctor, which requires constant learning/improvement (3), caution (6), remembering lots of facts and sensory information, what specific lesions look like/ healthy organs feel like etc. We somtimes think of medicine as an "intellectual" and therefore stereotypically N field, but it's actually *perfect* for a Si dom. He has diagnosed people with serious conditions frm noting minute differences on photograps or while bumping into them. The man can recognize a shade of lipstick he saw me wear just once months before, he hasn't had a bad grade in his life and is obviously very very intelligent. He has all the rigidity, bigotry and intolerance of less than ideally developed SJs but practically none of the fairness, caring and upstandingness or other personal instead of work-oriented virtues. He likes to think he's really moral but he basically just does what he thinks is convenint for him, even little children can see his hypocrisy. "I'm always right" mentality, obvsly lots of perfectionism & workaholism synergizing itself together there, he's very conscientious, wants to serve the public, hard worker, even volunteers at refugee camps & generally liked volunteer work etc. 
I don't think the refugees care if he's an asshole in private as long as their sick children get seen to, but... you see, he can act like a tantruming toddler at home, but he never, EVER loses his cool at work... He'll brag about his wife and intelligent children, but then he'll turn around and belittle them and not know the first thing about them... 

Maybe he would have been happier if he'd just focussed on that, somethimes I think he just got wife & kids because that's the conservative thing to do. He treats having us like the worst chore ever, total martyr complex, too, never gets when his meddling is not wanted, seems to think we all just sit around waiting for him to call us, every word out of his mouth is criticism like he's got acid spray for a larynx, any emotional reaction to his callousness gets mocked as "theater", in general he's unfeeling, absolutely doesn't engage with us, treats paying for us & giving us time like an impudent imposition on our parts...
And this is me, the super introverted recluse saying this. What must it feel like for the others... The middle child (a Fi dom) once apologetically asked his sister to tell her about him because she felt she "didn't know her father". But the two middle children are still almost completely loyal to him/ only voice their discomfort situationally... He doesn't even take day off for their birthdays. 

We are basically his dolls. Unless he feels like bossing us around and recreating scenarions/ ideas from his mind, we were left to gather dust in a box, somehow he managed to be simultaneously neglectful, overprotective/controlling and emotionally manipulative/abusive. Also, he plays favorites, yet treats us as utterly replaceable, always goin on about how he'll adopt another child and maybe they will appreciate him. The middle children's reliability is rewarded by ignoring them, but oh, look, I'm scientifically inclined, and the second-youngest is ambitious.... so he'll alternate between unwanted meling and fussing and torrential abuse when we assert our individuality. Aparently she's most commonly the trash can and I'm the "favorite". Not that I ever noticed, I though he hated me most until my mother told me that becaue he'd always expect more and more of me. 
Not sure why she thought this would make me more sympathetic toward him, I actually CARE about my siblings. I felt so used... *sigh*
It#s also that he always does the same things. 
He likes languages/French. He wants us to like French, too. That was quite a blow when he repeated the same thing he'd done with me with the then-young and eager to please 8 girl. It was all about him, he never thought I was good, you see. It kind of screws up your sense of self pretty deeply. I amire the second youngest/ core 8 sister for how she can just be indifferent, like, open her hand when he feels like giving her things and dismissing his criticism, I always feel dirty and fake when I'm forced to accept anything from him... *sigh* I don't want to do as he pleases, but doing the exact opposite to spite him is just as childish. 


Maybe someone can tell me what a non-crazy 3 parent is like? I can more or less imagine a functional 1/ find ISTJs in general actually pretty cool, though it obsly depends on the individual. 

Also, though the person is question is my mom & not my dad, I feel like I should contribute some words on what a *good* parent with 9/7 components is like, after reading all these stories about those less ideal examples:
My mom is absolutely awesome, she's not flimsy or unreliable at all, and quite capable to pull out that tertiary Te and tell us to clean our rooms. 
The worst I could say about her is slight conflict avoidance that is probably why she hasn't divorced her husband yet, she likes to not parttake in arguments and sometimes she just tells everyone to shut up or just doesn't want to engage the problem at all; In extreme cases (read: A particularly bad clash with her husband), she'll usually bolt and storm out for some fresh air, but the man _absolutely_ doesn't respect a closed door... Also, sometimes it really _was_ me as a 548 with a T preference needing to learn when to shelf an argument ^^°
Though she's _nothing at all_ like the flighty irresponsible people describe here, we never lacked anything like that, despite the stereotypes about both 7s and ENFPs. Though AFAIK it's typical for ENFP parents to be super encouraging and love nurturing their kids as individuals - She loves 1 on 1 time with us even though we're 5.
Generally tho her 7-ish ness is mostly a _good_ thing, a good balance factor adding "spunk" and positivity to the base 9 characteristics (which combine with inferior Si to make her relatively idyll/stability liking compared to a more adventurous core 7 ENFP. She still likes the idea of travelling and wants to spend her wole retirement doing mostly that. ). She's very fun, gregarious, easy-going, likeable and personable/ uncomplicated, she's hilarious, upbeat and obviously _enjoys_ being a mom, it's not obligation or social pressure at all, she thinks children are cute and finds nurturing & guiding little humans really fulfilling, and finds it great that we're all so different/ believes in us. 
It's not just that she's a "fun" parent, but that you can really talk and be open to her about everything (something she always stressed was very important to her), she always made clear that she's a human being with needs and fallibilities as well/ not our housemaid, so she tries to improve and do better/ correct mistakes, and her colleagues are all envious that her spawn knows to do basic housework/cook/ care for the younger children. 
I guess we don't appreciate her perchant for coming up with lots of spontaneous activities & pursuits as much as we could, the INs among us would rather stay in our rooms but at least the two artisan children are always up for some random activity. Me too, depending on what is is, but INTJ/8 just refuses to leave her room without prior warning and while INFP-9 will go along without complaint if they make him, his preferences are very indoorsy. 

I guess it was fortunate that none of us are core 6s or SJs, so maybe we were more compatible with her sort of parenting to begin with/ didn't need as much structure? We're almost all perceivers and the one INTJ is perfectly capable of governing herself. 

Also, while they're not parents, 9w1-6-3 INFP brother, 9w1-62 ISFP sister and the second-youngest 8w7-5-3 INTJ sister (all in their late teens) have proven to be excellent older siblings/occasional caretakers to the youngest child (likely a Se dom, since she started school I'm beginning to think maybe ESTP, also sorta 9/7 ish resembling her mom a lot) - Yours truly is thoroughly useless at babies so I just try to praise her and show interest in her life/ be an example when the opportunity presents itself. 
The brother is at the very high maturity end so 963 basically makes him chill, patient, easygoing, conscientious/reliable, reasonable and _tremendously_ funny (Healthy 9 and 6 supposedly both give you funny bosts. Though you have to get to know him well to see his funny leaderly side he's more reserved around new people), also very diplomatic. Because he very rarely raises his voice, the youngest immediately listens to him when he does because he wouldn't do it unless he was serious, so he's kind of the _opposite_ of an useless doormat caretaker, he's the reasonable one everyone respects & listens to, and the youngest has some serious big brother worship going on there/ he's basically her main male role model and an attempt at his name was her first word beyond "mommy" and "yum-yum"(food).
That said he's still a 9 - He normally tries to resolve arguments in a moral, reasonable, Fi w1 ish way, but when he can't, he still sometimes has this reaction of just putting his head in his hands and likely dissociating. The 962 sis is really sweet and a good listener but shows some more phobic traits,(both show a bit passive-agressivenes sometimes) she's basically an emotional support to the youngest, always rushes to console her or play with her, take her to the playground etc, and looks forward to becoming an aunt someday, which she will probably be super sweet at. She likes to give ppl little personal & decorative gifts, and kids love relatives who do that. 
Ironically, INTJ-8 gave us a lot of trouble as a young child because she was super rebellious, argumentative & headstrong, and would beat up her older sisters (including me)/ generally do whatever she wanted (our father's controlling ways just made it worse because she'd just argue right back/immitate and generally just tune him out as someone unworthy of respect. Our mom "straightend her out" by making sure we'd adequately defend ourselves, which included threatening to punish poor little ISFP when she couldn't make herself retaliate against a younger child... End result was that INTJ learned to expect consequences and ISFP grew herself some teeth, though naturally developing her auxillary more as she grew older probably also helped. She's since taken self-defense classes and grew to be tall & athlethic-looking.), but these days INTJ/8 is actually very mature for her age, just all kids of tough & awesome and protective of her large group of friends, so she's a cool, admirable sort of big sister. She treats the youngest a bit like an "apprentice" and likes to think up games to play with her or play "school" with her/ teach her things. She's mentioned that she wants kids so she'll probably be that sort of parent as well, the sort to teach the kids to be self-reliant & capable but still feel/act like your ally. 

Interestingly the three of them also want to work with children, INTJ-8 and INFP-9 as teachers and ISFP-9 as a councellor/social worker of sorts. I imagine INFP-9 being the sort of teacher who can make the subject very engaging and give kids serious talks, whereas INTJ-8 would probably be the sort to carter to the students who have genuine interest in the class.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

I forgot this thread was a thing, but every time I see the thread title I get a little amused tbh. >_>


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Distortions said:


> I forgot this thread was a thing, but every time I see the thread title I get a little amused tbh. >_>


Yeah? Cool!


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## Waveshine (Mar 18, 2011)

my dad is ESTJ 1w2 sp/sx. always have the need to be in control of things and can be very demanding sometimes. he means well, but he doesn't know how people work and lacks tact so he ends up starting fights and upsetting people. he especially likes to argue about money since he's so stingy with it. he's not as socially conservative and old-fashioned as my ISFJ 2w1 mom, which can be refreshing since my parents are divorced and i only live with mom


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## mirrorghost (Sep 18, 2012)

fair phantom said:


> My dad is definitely a 9. I think 9w1 so/sp. Could be so/sx
> 
> In some ways it was bad because he could be blithely unaware of when he said something hurtful and, worse, he didn't protect me from my emotionally abusive stepmother—because he somehow managed to prevent himself from seeing it until it became obvious (they are divorced now, which has helped me feel a lot more positively towards him).
> 
> ...


i think my dad is a 9, and your dad sounds very similar to mine, except my dad has a streak of anger/dominance/something a bit intimidating that can come out so i think he has an 8 wing. although similarly, he rarely yelled at me or punished me (my mom did that.) he can also be very charming in a group and sort of becomes the center of attention, but is also very introverted. it's interesting. not sure of his MBTI, i am really stumped by him. he took the test once and got ISTJ but he answered it "how he acts at work" which i think is different than the true person? so i've considered ISTJ, ISFP, INFJ and ISFJ for him. i cannot for the life of me tell if he's Fi or Fe. 

he was always literally, in his words, "the peacemaker" in the family, when people would argue. he's generally pretty mellow and a "live or let live" kind of person for the most part. i believe my 4 "intensity" freaks him out a bit at times, which is hard because sometimes i want to talk to him about things going on in my life but i hold back because it becomes so awkward when i try to edit myself and sound easy-going haha . a few times in school when people bullied me he was there in a heartbeat to defend me at the school. in general though, he stays out of my business and is pretty accepting, which i love about him. he is not perfect of course, but all in all i know i am pretty lucky.


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## Asd456 (Jul 25, 2017)

Kendrix said:


> Well, like many previous posters, I did not get lucky in the Dad department... at all. He's pretty much the one who personally put the fear of [insert type appropiate horror] into myself and my siblings.


Wow, this was an incredible read. I appreciate this.


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## Krayfish (Nov 3, 2015)

My dad is an ENFP 7w6 9w8 3w4 so/sp (in some variable order). I find that the enneatype and mbti combination is sort of weird in this case, so there are very few people I've met who can tolerate his personality (although there are other reasons for that as well).

As a person, he needs more attention than average. He loves being around people at his core and being loved, and in response is attracted to acting, comedy, and showmanship in response. He loves telling stories, being creative, and trying new things, which can be pleasant if you can get past his obtrusive self centeredness. Thanks to his 3 fix, if you aren't paying attention, he appears almost emotionless at times, as he is careless and weak at noticing or being attentive to the feelings of others. In the end though, this is a man who had a poetry journal at one point, and is probably closer to hypersensitive rather than truly emotionless.
As a 7, he is incredibly idealistic, and often talks about all the things he'd love to do. Change the whole layout of our house, become a famous actor, change his career and perhaps become a florist or something, but in the end his 9 fix proves as a hindrance, preventing him from actually doing anything he desires.

Compared to the traditional dad archetype, he's a bit more impulsive and far less oriented around rules, and values creating a fun environment rather than a safe one. This probably wouldn't be a problem if my mother and I weren't heavy 6 fixers.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Krayfish said:


> My dad is an ENFP 7w6 9w8 3w4 so/sp
> 
> Compared to the traditional dad archetype, he's a bit more impulsive and far less oriented around rules, and values creating a fun environment rather than a safe one. This probably wouldn't be a problem if my mother and I weren't heavy 6 fixers.



The core is the most important enneagram thing IMO. He sounds totally like a core 7. I know a few ENFP 3's, and they really like rules when the rules agree with what they want to happen.


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## Krayfish (Nov 3, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> The core is the most important enneagram thing IMO. He sounds totally like a core 7. I know a few ENFP 3's, and they really like rules when the rules agree with what they want to happen.


That's what I was thinking. I've typed him 3/4 core a couple times (the image orientation), but in the end 7 so is probably spot on with him


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

ENTJ Type 8 father. I know, I know, it's a stereotype, but... well,_ he's _a stereotype. Good times telling him to turn down the volume on the TV and him responding that he bought this TV he bought this house and he makes more money than me so he can watch Battlestar Galactica at volume 35 if he _pleases_. Okay Dad, thanks for the response, I was 17 years old at the time... 

He's a smart (one of the smartest people I know), interesting, and ultimately caring person. Sometimes it gets tiring talking to him. Feels like I'm being quizzed and dueled when I just want to express something on my mind. 

I'm glad that he doesn't get in the way of my more 9ish easygoing side ---even if his usual _advice_ when somebody is taking advantage of me is some elaborate and genteel variant on "tell them to go fuck themselves". Not always appropriate, dad! On the other hand, he has a hard time not seeing my more 6ish side as weakness. I mention a complication that I've thought of and he takes it as paranoid anxiety. Still, in recent years we've improved our communication quite a bit, especially on the Fe vs Fi front. 

His own parents were kind of harsh people and the kids in the school he went to were mean kids. If there's some sort of origin for his 8ness, it probably arises from that.

Overall a good father.


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## typethisperson (Feb 4, 2017)

my guesses:
1w2: the old-fashioned dad that encourages stoicism in their sons
3w2: the flashy dad that wants you to do better than he did financially
4w5: the tortured poet dad that encourages individuality
5w4: the absent-minded professor dad who has a lot of conspiracy theories
7w6: the dad who still acts like he's 15 years old


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## Asd456 (Jul 25, 2017)

@Stellafera 

Haha, it's kind of hilarious how much I relate to all of this 



> Good times telling him to turn down the volume on the TV and him responding that he bought this TV he bought this house and he makes more money than me so he can watch Battlestar Galactica at volume 35 if he pleases.


ENTJ - pointing out facts to justify his actions... classic :dry:



> Feels like I'm being quizzed and dueled when I just want to express something on my mind.


Guilty of this as well - although I thought this was type 6 related



> he tries to reach me a bit more with Fe and I'm taking less offense from his lack thereof.


Fe is such a pain in the butt... honestly makes me feel extremely awkward/uncomfortable :blushed:

And this - 



> his usual advice when somebody is taking advantage of me is some elaborate and genteel variant on "tell them to go fuck themselves"


I approve! :wink:



> he has a hard time not seeing my more 6ish side as weakness


As a Sx 6 I HATE weakness as well... not one of our best traits


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Asd456 said:


> Guilty of this as well - although I thought this was type 6 related


Yeah, but there's different motivations for it. 6's goal is to determine if something is really true, 8's goal is to challenge the other person. I usually flag my quizzing attempts with either "Are you _sure_?" or "I don't think that's true...". My father usually flags his with "but did you actually consider X" or "Now what are you going to do?".

6 quizzing is like asking the teacher a question, 8 quizzing is like asking the student a question. Counterphobic 6 is when you ask the teacher a question because you're pretty sure the teacher is full of shit and want to confirm that fact.



Asd456 said:


> I approve! :wink:


DAD that's called burning bridges DON'T DO THAT


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## Asd456 (Jul 25, 2017)

@Stellafera

I think I do both - challenging the validity and at the same time extremely skeptical, challenging the credibility and the power of the person in question. Interesting.


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## Asd456 (Jul 25, 2017)

> DAD that's called burning bridges DON'T DO THAT


I think this shows how much we _do not_ value Fe as ENTJs... something I need to work on. :laughing:


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