# Did you come here broken?



## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

Panda Eyes said:


> I'd have to disagree (here's that stereotypical ENTP argumentativeness coming out).
> 
> Firstly, while everyone has their imperfections and insecurities and hardships, referring to everyone as "broken" is a dramatic stretch. A person having weaknesses, bad experiences, etc. doesn't mean they are necessarily broken. More like they just carry things with them that suck. The effects of these sucky things vary from person to person, which brings me to my next point...
> 
> Whether these bad experiences, adverse events, whatever, actually affects a person enough to "break" them is entirely dependent on circumstances. How capable is this person at handling adversity/stress/tough times? How serious was the event in question? How good are they at letting things go and moving on with their life? Therefore, people who don't believe that they are broken, are not necessarily more broken than others. There is a strong possibility that they just aren't broken in the first place.


This all stems from a misunderstanding of my use of the term broken. Broken is a state of imperfection. That which is not perfect is broken to me. 

The only thing separating brokenness from love is choice. We all have choice. So we are all choosing to be broken and we are all broken, to me.

You use broken to mean damaged beyond repair. You think I am saying that. I am not. I am not removing the choice of the broken to at least be less broken. I am certainly not implying that the broken (again all of us) cannot INTEND to become less broken. That is wise indeed.

But everyone is broken. No one is perfect.

Further, in my view as opposed to yours, I think, there is no final broken. One can always choose to recover from any brokenness. Do you agree?


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## jamaix (Sep 20, 2013)

NeonMidget said:


> I am using "broken" as an umbrella term here for psychological problems, existential crisis, depression or other mental health issues (basically whatever you want to class as broken) "I ask this because I notice new members usually begin their journey on PerC making threads that hint towards these things."


*Did you come here broken? 
*When I reflected upon your question I found myself remembering that my dad use to say, "we're all a little bit crazy(broken)." As the years have gone by, I've realized there is definitely some truth to this.

When I first came to PerC it was out of curiosity. My daughter and her boyfriend (now her husband)who she met while away at college were very interested in typing and PerC. She talked about it frequently and her interest peaked my own. I think I only posted 1 or 2 comments the first 6 months after I joined PerC.

BUT I can't deny that the one of the first threads (may have been the first, can't remember) I ever did on PerC indicated a brokenness. My daughter married her boyfriend (who I didn't know and was going to be living 1,000 miles away and this frightened me), and my son started college at about the same time and this triggered depression. I had homeschooled my kids, we were very involved in co-ops and sporting activities w/other homeschoolers, it kept me very busy. My life had revolved around their needs and there was little time to think about myself and what I wanted. After both were out of the house, I lost my sense of purpose. It had been a long time since I had been in a position to think about what I wanted, needed, liked, etc. I found myself directionless and I did not know what to do with myself and felt that I had no value.

Looking back now, it's kind of weird because something totally unrelated to my kids leaving home set me off on a very bad downward spiral. The other issues was already there, but the depression due to feeling as though I had no purpose or value was the straw that broke the camels back. I found that I had time to dwell on things that had always bothered me. (too much time) It ended up being good though because it forced to confront and deal with something I had always kept repressed, in check, and pushed to the back of my mind.

*If so, do you think you have found some answers you may have been unconsciously or consciously searching for?

*I largely found that the responses I received on PerC did little to help. That is not to say it was totally unhelpful as it made me realize that I was the one with the most power to fix my problems. I had to learn to trust myself better and realize that the main one who could fix and sort out my issues was me.

*I am always glad to see the Cafe community does their best to support each other, broken or not. 

*I agree! I've noticed that there are many who are willing to try to help. It's not always easy to stick your neck out and offer suggestions, especially when you are aware that there is really no way you can fully comprehend what someone is going through. But I think it is helpful for the one who is hurting to see that there are those who are willing to try.


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## Kaznos (May 3, 2018)

jamaix said:


> BUT I can't deny that the one of the first threads (may have been the first, can't remember) I ever did on PerC indicated a brokenness. My daughter married her boyfriend (who I didn't know and was going to be living 1,000 miles away and this frightened me), and my son started college at about the same time and this triggered depression. I had homeschooled my kids, we were very involved in co-ops and sporting activities w/other homeschoolers, it kept me very busy. My life had revolved around their needs and there was little time to think about myself and what I wanted. *After both were out of the house, I lost my sense of purpose.* It had been a long time since I had been in a position to think about what I wanted, needed, liked, etc. *I found myself directionless and I did not know what to do with myself and felt that I had no value.*


How have you overcome this issue? I'm asking because I suspect, my mother is in a similar situation.
(Obviously, it's a very personal question, you don't have to answer.)



NeonMidget said:


> Did you come here broken?


Yes, I do have personal problems (who doesn't?), but it wasn't the reason why I joined.


NeonMidget said:


> If so, do you think you have found some answers you may have been unconsciously or consciously searching for?


No, because of the above. I didn't come here with the intention of seeking answers.


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## Mick Travis (Aug 18, 2016)

It's very nice to be around a group of intelligent people in which to fine tune myself.


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## jamaix (Sep 20, 2013)

Kaznos said:


> How have you overcome this issue? I'm asking because I suspect, my mother is in a similar situation.
> (Obviously, it's a very personal question, you don't have to answer.)


It wasn't just one thing in particular that helped me turn a corner, it was many things.

*Time *~ I still miss my kids, but I've found other things to occupy me. I now spend a lot more time on landscaping/gardening (love flowers, trees/shrubs, tomatoes, herbs, etc.), surfing the internet, reading, allowing myself time to think about things I really didn't have time for when my focus was on them. I also help care for my mother in law as needed.

After the initial year or two away from home, my kids started doing a better job of calling to say hi, I love you mom! I seldom if ever spoke to my daughter her first year of marriage. No problems in our relationship, she just didn't call and I understand (she was a newlywed and her attention was on her husband not mom and dad, that is to be expected). 

I have always been one who did not want to intrude upon my kids lives. I seldom if ever called them because I didn't want to be a bother or intrusive in their lives. So it has helped greatly that they take the time to call me when they can. It helps me to still feel a connection to them and like I am still a valued part of their lives. My daughter recently complimented me and said that she thinks I was a very good mom. That meant more to me than she could possibly imagine. I know I made mistakes, but I tried really hard to do right by my kids and it was wonderful to hear her express gratitude for the job her dad and I did.

My son lives close by, and he makes efforts to keep in contact with us. Just hearing I love you mom from time to time is worth more than anything anyone could buy for me.

I don't know if anything I've said will help you, but I do think it is commendable that you are thinking about your mom and helping her turn some corners in her life.


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## pertracto (Sep 4, 2015)

I did join PerC while I was going through a very hard time in my life. It has helped me, of course, in learning and understanding the diversity and depth of the human nature, and of myself... but it mainly helped me keep myself busy. It was a way to escape the reality, which I think is what most people are looking for in all those "virtual community" forums or social media. 

I am truly glad to have had this experience on here.


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## WhatIsYourConfirmationBias (May 10, 2018)

Depends on what your definition of broken is. I have my issues just like everyone else, the main difference is I'm usually more open then most people about it...Most are in denial about how "good" they are, how "righteous"...

I started to write something rather personal on this thread, and then decided against it...I think I now understand WHY people are so reluctant to share their issues and insecurities online. Because strangers, people who have no connection to you whatsoever, will sit back and judge you for every single thing you share... Sit back and assume they know you when they don't know you from a hole in the wall...Sit there and then rake you over the coals for sharing your pain...

I think my days of sharing to this degree with strangers online is over...I never said I was perfect, in fact I often criticize myself to the same degree I criticize others...Yet you have decided I'm unworthy of love because I call a spade a spade? After a lifetime of being judged and criticized by everyone INCLUDING my family, you then turn around and have the GALL to say I'M too judgmental, and I need to learn to be more open, and loving? 

Fuck you, seriously, FUCK YOU. YOU are the reason why those who are already hurting become even more bitter...No, if anything you people deserve all the venom I can muster..You deserve every bit of my judgment and anger because you have done nothing BUT judge me, and tell me I DON'T matter, my entire life...

So FUCK YOU, seriously...Well I ended up venting anyway. I'm rambling at this point, but I guess what I'm trying to say is if you run across someone who seems angry online, or judgmental, there maybe a valid reason for that..And sometimes, as harsh as their words maybe to take, they maybe right...Just because an opinion is unpopular doesn't mean it's not true...

So maybe I am "broken"; but so is the world.


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

PlasticRenaissance said:


> _ 'wabi-sabi' rather than 'broken'_


Filling in the cracks with golden moments like these.. :laughing: Jokes aside, I always found the the process of restoring vases through kintsugi enhances its beauty.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Nah, I was pretty broken when I first got into MBTI though. Then got more into it as I was trying to "repair" myself about 5 years later, though the worst was long over by then. That's when I found this site. (Ironically, I have less interest in self-improvement the more I am in need of it, so I started looking into this kind of stuff a bit later than I probably should have). I also lurked for a long time before joining. Probably more than a year. Before I signed up, I definitely remember something clicking in my head when I read a post about Fi, where I suddenly had a better understanding of myself. I don't even know if it was accurate haha, I remember it basically if you have Fi in your stack you can still feel but you tend not to show it as much, and it outwardly appears that Fe people are more "emotional" because they're the ones that are outwardly showing it in the first place. Up until that point I always felt like my emotions were "off" somehow, and it occurred to me I was also going by outward appearances as the norm. Which don't represent Fi since they aren't the ones showing it outwardly...

It was also refreshing to find people who thought similarly to me, because that's easier to find here (over-represented) than IRL.



HBMe said:


> I thought I was broken, turns out I just never met anyone else like me before.
> 
> INT/FJ


So basically this.


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## darcstar3 (Jun 22, 2016)

Probably, but i didn't think so
I came here bored
Through trying to work out my type, i figure I'm probably a broken version of it
But i haven't been looking to "fix" myself or anything
And living half way around the world is possibly not helping either, lol


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## Super Luigi (Dec 1, 2015)

Wasn't I born broken?

I'm still broken. Aren't I?

Is that why I joined this forum? Well, I think it's why I do most things, so probably.


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## Etiennette (Mar 8, 2017)

I don’t think I’m broken per say, but I did come here extremely confused and curious.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

I came here not very broken. I was actually doing very well and outside of some moments of depression, I was still pretty good. IRL I was breaking sales records and doing amazing at my job because my ex's hold on me was broken. 

However, I made a bad decision during the time I was here when I took off for Canada without having a proper plan (yay for that Se dominance) and found myself locked up in a single room with no friends or job or any outside distractions. 

I broke more the more time I spent on here during my first year because I locked myself up in a room and started abusing certain medications instead of getting real help. 

I left Canada and returned to live with my parents who helped me get real therapy before I moved to the states in 2013. 

It's been an interesting journey and PerC is as much a part of my healing process as it was once a part of making things worse for me. That said, I don't blame PerC obviously. It was my own poor decision making and depression that put me in a bad situation. I was once very addicted to the validation I was getting here and it made things worse for me. 

Getting kicked out of here helped. It roused a fire in me to get better and make something good out of my life.


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## Mick Travis (Aug 18, 2016)

Before I found PerC, I looked for a site where I could express myself honestly. I ran into group ridicule on the active forums I found. The smart alecs on PerC are gentle with their flippancy.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Mick Travis said:


> Before I found PerC, I looked for a site where I could express myself honestly. I ran into group ridicule on the active forums I found. *The smart alecs on PerC are gentle with their flippancy.*


In public probably. But not so much privately.


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## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

When I first came here l was under stress but also in a bit of a rut, and MBTI was a tool for me to understand how I got myself into the situation I was in. I stayed because it was an unexpected oasis of thoughtful and entertaining individuals. 

I do use coming to the forums as a kind of escapism. My ability to form healthy social relationships is decently broken, so forum interactions provide more of a buffer apart from the consequences of offline interactions with people that have more of an investment in me.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Squirt said:


> When I first came here l was under stress but also in a bit of a rut, and MBTI was a tool for me to understand how I got myself into the situation I was in. I stayed because it was an unexpected oasis of thoughtful and entertaining individuals.


Oh hi. You just gave me my 35,000th like. 

Don't mind me, I just notice numbers a lot and have a thing about reaching milestones ... Even fake internet points h:


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## StinkyBambi (Jul 12, 2018)

I am broken. Help me for fuccccccck sake


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## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

Arrogantly Grateful said:


> Oh hi. You just gave me my 35,000th like.
> 
> Don't mind me, I just notice numbers a lot and have a thing about reaching milestones ... Even fake internet points h:


Now I ruined it with 35001. :suspicion:


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Squirt said:


> Now I ruined it with 35001. :suspicion:


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

I came here when I was a teenager.


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## 545769 (Apr 3, 2019)

I actually joined after my “broken” time. I still have a lot of stuff going on, like most people, but I’m more whole than I ever remember being. But I’ve been into MBTI for years and always stalked this site and then one day decided to join.


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## crazitaco (Apr 9, 2010)

Mange said:


> I came here when I was a teenager.


Same.


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## bearlybreathing (Aug 6, 2013)

Yes, and I still am.


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## Eugenia Shepherd (Nov 10, 2017)

Not especially.
Came here to increase my knowledge of MBTI, discuss issues, and have fun.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

I came here after a broken relationship and having no one to talk to anymore, so I suppose so.


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