# INFP/ENFJ compatibility



## Yellow bird

This is all kind of making more sense to me, seeing as I am a INFP and the guy i'm interested is an ENFJ. We became quick friends and within weeks of just meeting each other started sharing things we usually don't openly admit to others. (this seems to be more true for him, because the longer and longer i know him the more i realize that he doesn't just share this information with anyone. he's actually pretty private.) I'm amazingly quiet and shy, and sometimes his ability to be the opposite astounds me. I'll never forget the time he eagerly stood in front of me and told me with confidence that I was afraid of something and I didn't know myself. Things that I wouldn't take the chance to realize myself. 

And of course, he was right. He became very close to me, even sexually...which i'm not very used to and have problems with, so i turned him down. The next day he acted very distant and wouldn't even take me home. After that we didn't talk for almost two months. Or rather, he wouldn't reply to me and I just gave up. A few days ago i sent him a simple message asking how he was doing, just to see if he would respond...and he did. He acted like nothing happened and picked up fom where we last left off, though this time seeming a little more reserved...that was until he called me drunk. 

He's far more open when he's drunk, which is really interesting for me becuase I can never quite read him when he's sober. He did let on that he missed me and still liked me, but when he asked the next day what he had said i told him...he went back to being distant. At one point i got so tired with it that I asked him straight out "how do you feel about me?" to which is reply was "I like you, but it's not the time in my life." I'm very confused...and especially after reading this, worried about him cutting me off again. So I thought I would ramble on here because you all seem much smarter than me :blushed:


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## thehigher

Yellow bird said:


> This is all kind of making more sense to me, seeing as I am a INFP and the guy i'm interested is an ENFJ. We became quick friends and within weeks of just meeting each other started sharing things we usually don't openly admit to others. (this seems to be more true for him, because the longer and longer i know him the more i realize that he doesn't just share this information with anyone. he's actually pretty private.) I'm amazingly quiet and shy, and sometimes his ability to be the opposite astounds me. I'll never forget the time he eagerly stood in front of me and told me with confidence that I was afraid of something and I didn't know myself. Things that I wouldn't take the chance to realize myself.
> 
> And of course, he was right. He became very close to me, even sexually...which i'm not very used to and have problems with, so i turned him down. The next day he acted very distant and wouldn't even take me home. After that we didn't talk for almost two months. Or rather, he wouldn't reply to me and I just gave up. A few days ago i sent him a simple message asking how he was doing, just to see if he would respond...and he did. He acted like nothing happened and picked up fom where we last left off, though this time seeming a little more reserved...that was until he called me drunk.
> 
> He's far more open when he's drunk, which is really interesting for me becuase I can never quite read him when he's sober. He did let on that he missed me and still liked me, but when he asked the next day what he had said i told him...he went back to being distant. At one point i got so tired with it that I asked him straight out "how do you feel about me?" to which is reply was "I like you, but it's not the time in my life." I'm very confused...and especially after reading this, worried about him cutting me off again. So I thought I would ramble on here because you all seem much smarter than me :blushed:


I have no idea how to help you. Maybe try being a little less intense with him? Joke around a bit? I guess don't take things too seriously....which is hard I am sure. I don't even know if I am right in telling you but...yea. I dunno. I have the same problem sometimes. Like ...the whole not knowing where I stand...then one bad things happends....and it's like the whole world between us just gets really confusing.


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## Yellow bird

thehigher said:


> I have no idea how to help you. Maybe try being a little less intense with him? Joke around a bit? I guess don't take things too seriously....which is hard I am sure. I don't even know if I am right in telling you but...yea. I dunno. I have the same problem sometimes. Like ...the whole not knowing where I stand...then one bad things happends....and it's like the whole world between us just gets really confusing.


Yeah, you're probably right. I'm really bad at being intense when it's not needed and vice versa. I guess i will just have to be more careful now, which is hard for me because i'm incredibly impulsive. Especially with my feelings. Thanks though. :happy:


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## thehigher

Yellow bird said:


> Yeah, you're probably right. I'm really bad at being intense when it's not needed and vice versa. I guess i will just have to be more careful now, which is hard for me because i'm incredibly impulsive. Especially with my feelings. Thanks though. :happy:


Me too . No worries. Glad I could be of help.


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## OrangeAppled

Yellow bird said:


> This is all kind of making more sense to me, seeing as I am a INFP and the guy i'm interested is an ENFJ. We became quick friends and within weeks of just meeting each other started sharing things we usually don't openly admit to others. (this seems to be more true for him, because the longer and longer i know him the more i realize that he doesn't just share this information with anyone. he's actually pretty private.) I'm amazingly quiet and shy, and sometimes his ability to be the opposite astounds me. I'll never forget the time he eagerly stood in front of me and told me with confidence that I was afraid of something and I didn't know myself. Things that I wouldn't take the chance to realize myself.
> 
> And of course, he was right. He became very close to me, even sexually...which i'm not very used to and have problems with, so i turned him down. The next day he acted very distant and wouldn't even take me home. After that we didn't talk for almost two months. Or rather, he wouldn't reply to me and I just gave up. A few days ago i sent him a simple message asking how he was doing, just to see if he would respond...and he did. He acted like nothing happened and picked up fom where we last left off, though this time seeming a little more reserved...that was until he called me drunk.
> 
> He's far more open when he's drunk, which is really interesting for me becuase I can never quite read him when he's sober. He did let on that he missed me and still liked me, but when he asked the next day what he had said i told him...he went back to being distant. At one point i got so tired with it that I asked him straight out "how do you feel about me?" to which is reply was "I like you, but it's not the time in my life." I'm very confused...and especially after reading this, worried about him cutting me off again. So I thought I would ramble on here because you all seem much smarter than me :blushed:


It seems like he lead you on. For your own sake, maybe distance yourself a bit emotionally and be less available to him. It's so hard to tell whether an ENFJ is sincerely attached, but you did the right thing in outright asking him. You got an answer, so heed it, and don't leave yourself too vulnerable to hurt.


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## Yellow bird

OrangeAppled said:


> It seems like he lead you on. For your own sake, maybe distance yourself a bit emotionally and be less available to him. It's so hard to tell whether an ENFJ is sincerely attached, but you did the right thing in outright asking him. You got an answer, so heed it, and don't leave yourself too vulnerable to hurt.


Hm, what do you mean? sorry if that sounds dumb, i'm just curious and wondering if you'd explain more.

I will do that, though. He's a really confusing fellow, asking me to date him and then not talking to me. I enjoy confusion sometimes - it's so boring having everything laid out, but i'm getting very tired of trying to figure him out. I need to be worrying more about myself these days.


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## apathy ends the world

Sorry, didn't realize how old this was.


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## NotKevinCostner

This is a wonderful thread..unfortunately it would refresh or "bump". 

So here is part 2 !!!!!!

http://personalitycafe.com/enfj-forum-givers/13144-infp-enfj-compatibility-continued.html


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## happydave3

*ENFJ/INFP Compatability*

I am an ENFJ and I have dated several INFP's. Everything you say is correct. The ENFJ and INFP match is perfect. THere is a high degree of compatibility, understanding, chemistry, emotional and intellectual attraction. I have never met an INFP with whom there wasnt a natural mutual attraction. In today's society it is probably better with a male ENFJ, and a female INFP because it is natural for the male to be outwardly dominant, be the teacher, and lead. Gender roles aside, I find that the ENFJ/INFP match is by far the best match- at least for me, with of course the caveat being that any two types can have a relationship.

-dave


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## Razvan

I'm not sure about what is best, really, the personality doesn't necessarily mean that you will lead or the other will lead, be dominant. We can be dominant too, but in a more refined way, in a more subtle way. Regarding the match, I haven't met an ENFJ in person, only an ENFP, but there is definitely something there. Still, I think there is more that needs to be there, not just the personality, you need to be in the same stage of your life, if I want to have a family and the other wants to have fun without any constrains (for example), there would be some tension there. Also, regardless of the personality, I love outdoor sports, as you can se in my badge I have a strong bodily/kinestethic preference, it's so damn hard to find girls that have at least a bit of this and I spend a lot of time with sports, having fun with friends playing outside, even going to a club, I see it as an opportunity for this. It's a great way for me to blow out some steam. But if the other would prefer listening to music all day inside the house, or just going to pubs with music, but nothing more energetic, again there would be a problem. Now, the great personality match would really help here to find a balance. Great understanding and communication could help to find a way so both get what they want by turn or by mixing them up in a way, but I'm not sure there is a high level of happiness in a relationship where both partners long to have fun in a different way. Or do things in a different way (me by trying it actively or the other by reading about it a lot first).


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## Leroy

*Personal Experiance*

I have had several friend/aquianences that were ENFJ and they were quite interesting. One of them I'm currently still really good friends with, two others are former college roommates that I'm still mildly friends with but it's a burden. I also knew a female ENFJ who had a crush on me for awhile. They were always genuine people, but sometimes manipulatively genuine. I felt myself always having to be weary of the words that came out of their mouths even though they meant no harm. They always sound confident whether or not they know what they are talking about. Many times I felt we had very different social standards that really didn't mix well when we weren't hanging out one on one. Personally I think causal friendships can work quite well, you would need to convince me otherwise about a romantic relationship.


And for messiness, these roommates were the most DISGUSTING people I have ever met. Never did laundry, never did dishes, sometimes showered, yet still went out and were a thousand times more charming than me. Trust me I know messiness, I'm an INFP


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## Sojourn4

*Help!*

First of all let me say thank you Bri for being open and clearly stating your views. I have not had the pleasure of meeting an ENFJ but I have got a good understanding of one thanks to you  

Now about the boy meets girl. How can a INFP show himself to be a wonderful good guy without getting put in the friend zone? Maybe its just me but I have to get to know a girl before I would think about dating her, but by the time I start thing Hummmm she would be fun to date, she don't want to or at least don't see me that way. I am a bit of a loner and feel like no one understands me or wants to try. It maybe that's just because have not meet the right girl yet but I see people that do all the time and its frustrating! Because I feel that a part of me is missing. I liken it to the world silently passing you by and never giving you a seconded thought. For almost all of my friends have attracted girls left and right but not I. I'm always the friend and counselor. So is it Me? Or is it something I'm doing or not doing? Idk


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## Cheeeese

Sojourn4 said:


> Maybe its just me but I have to get to know a girl before I would think about dating her


I think this is true of ENFJs as well. And probably a lot of other people too. Every guy I've really liked has developed out of a friendship, a lot of times when I didn't even see the guy that way, and then all of a sudden I recognized that I had feelings for them. So this is a good thing roud: !



Sojourn4 said:


> I am a bit of a loner and feel like no one understands me or wants to try. It maybe that's just because have not meet the right girl yet but I see people that do all the time and its frustrating! Because I feel that a part of me is missing. I liken it to the world silently passing you by and never giving you a seconded thought.


Honestly, I'm drawn to people like this. I can't really help it. It's almost like a magnet. People on the fringes, people who are overlooked... those are the kind of people who I usually have an urge to reach out to. I love drawing people out of themselves and showing them that there are people who care. So, maybe you just haven't met someone like that yet? Have a little faith... we're out there on the prowl. :wink:



Sojourn4 said:


> Almost all of my friends have attracted girls left and right but not I. I'm always the friend and counselor. So is it me? Or is it something I'm doing or not doing? Idk
> 
> How can a INFP show himself to be a wonderful good guy without getting put in the friend zone?


This is a hard question. I have a tendency to place all guys in the friend zone right from the get-go. Self-preservation technique. Maybe it'll take some time in the friend zone for her to warm up to the possibilities. I know for me, guys emerged out of the friend zone when we had already built a strong foundation of trust, and then they told me how they felt in a respectful, matter-of-fact way and I was forced to deal with my own feelings.


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## Sojourn4

> So, maybe you just haven't met someone like that yet? Have a little faith... we're out there on the prowl


I have meet one girl that kinda gets me a little. She is an ESFJ and I asked her out once but she said no. We are good friends but our friendship is a one way street. Its mainly me reaching out to her. Oh she cares and so on about me to a point but in the end we speak different languages. So, yes I will have some faith that she is out there somewhere. Listen to the song by Within Temptation called Somewhere, it sums it up. 



> Honestly, I'm drawn to people like this. I can't really help it. It's almost like a magnet. People on the fringes, people who are overlooked... those are the kind of people who I usually have an urge to reach out to.


I do the same thing, one of my best friends was picked on a lot at school and he had no one to turn to. I saw all of this happening and so I when up to him and said, hey will you be my friend? He looked at me as if I was crazy but he saw that I was genuine with my request so he said yah what are you doing after school? We are friends to this day and have helped each other through a lot of things.



> I have a tendency to place all guys in the friend zone right from the get-go. Self-preservation technique.


I think we all have that technique to a point. Otherwise we would get hurt a lot. Although from my experience if there is no spark from the beginning, for the girl, its next to impossible to have anything more than a friendship. I may be way off here but just saying. I have been told by some girls that they know within 15min if they are attracted to a guy or not but their probable not in for the long run anyway. Moreover I think there needs to be a connection that's made between all of the senses and that includes the spiritual. I believe that the one for you and the one for me and the one for everybody is an extension of who they are. You both need to be on the same level of consciousness and understanding of one another. Ok ok I will get off of my soap box lol 



> Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is honey there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived. ~Meet Joe Black


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## Mutatio NOmenis

So this topic's back from the grave again huh?




















I figured it was going to surface again soon.


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## miro

Spooky said:


> I think they are compatible with each other, especially if they share similar ideals. Ultimately, it depends on the individuals.


I think I disagree with this one. I had a 7-8-year relationship with an ENFJ who didn't have the same ideals as me in the beginning but she slowly adopted my ideals, probably because of her E. It was like me teaching her stuff like "revenge is bad" etc.

We broke up a few times... and she broke up with her next bf a few times too. Getting along was never a problem and we're still best friends (no benefits) although we've both moved on a long time ago. I'd say INFP/ENFJ relationships are definitely based on being best friends for each other.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

I prefer INTP/ENFJ.


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## thehigher

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> I prefer INTP/ENFJ.


lol. i thought that was the underlying message behind your last post. Plus I dunno how you would not prefer INTP/ENFJ if you are an INTP.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

^ That was the message, thank you Captain Obvious. The pairing is also preferred by David Kiersey.


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## thehigher

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> ^ That was the message, thank you Captain Obvious. The pairing is also preferred by David Kiersey.


What are you trying to say with a statement like " I prefer INTP/ENFJ"? That, to me, is obvious. The only thing you are revealing is that you feel threatened by INFP competition. I don't turn to Kiersey to decide who I find attractive.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

I'm threatened by any competition that offers any possible alternative to me!


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## SubterraneanHomesickAlien

I could never be compatible with an ENFJ (or xxFJ of any sort). Fe just bugs the hell out of me. ENFJ is better than ESFJ though, I suppose.


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## CityGirlatHart

Of all the guys I've been interested in, an ENFJ was the only one that made me care about him unconditionally. Like most INFP's, I'm sure, I'm hard to please in relationships because I need deep discussions and lots of attention. With him, nothing really mattered, what he did or did not give me, I just wanted to be around him as much as possible. I long to find that again because I don't think I could manage to settle for anything less.


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## Razvan

CityGirlatHart said:


> Of all the guys I've been interested in, an ENFJ was the only one that made me care about him unconditionally. Like most INFP's, I'm sure, I'm hard to please in relationships because I need deep discussions and lots of attention. With him, nothing really mattered, what he did or did not give me, I just wanted to be around him as much as possible. I long to find that again because I don't think I could manage to settle for anything less.


I can totaly relate to that, even if I never had a romantic relationship with an ENFJ, but I can sense he compatibility with the ones I've talked and there's a nice feeling into it. So, I can understand what you are saying, I find it difficult though to find/identify them in real life...I think I may turn to more extroverted activities to find some. And yeah "settle for less", I know what you mean, there's that INFP desire for perfection speaking.


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## Sojourn4

> I long to find that again because I don't think I could manage to settle for anything less.


I agree with that! I am not going to settle for less ether. There are two things in this life that we as human beings want to know. First that you are loved and second everything is going to be ok.


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## OmarFW

I don't agree that ENFJ's work well with INFP's. I think ENFJ's are the kind of type that seems fitting for INFP's on paper but that's it. I think ENFJ's look tempting to INFP's, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are ideal for INFP's.

Any type can get along with any other type, there are just certain percentages of chance that some types are more likely to get along with others.

There are many things about ENFJ's that turn me off on a personal basis, none of which I will bother listing since this isn't an ENFJ slandering thread.

But I will say this: A woman who is being chased after by tons of guys 24/7 is not appealing to me. And that is the case with many ENFJ girls, but not exclusively.

I would not be surprised if there are many INFP's out there who at one time fell madly in love with an ENFJ and got into a relationship with them only to find out just how many incompatibilities there were.


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## Oleas

OmarFW said:


> I don't agree that ENFJ's work well with INFP's. I think ENFJ's are the kind of type that seems fitting for INFP's on paper but that's it. I think ENFJ's look tempting to INFP's, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are ideal for INFP's.
> 
> Any type can get along with any other type, there are just certain percentages of chance that some types are more likely to get along with others.
> 
> There are many things about ENFJ's that turn me off on a personal basis, none of which I will bother listing since this isn't an ENFJ slandering thread.
> 
> But I will say this: A woman who is being chased after by tons of guys 24/7 is not appealing to me. And that is the case with many ENFJ girls, but not exclusively.
> 
> I would not be surprised if there are many INFP's out there who at one time fell madly in love with an ENFJ and got into a relationship with them only to find out just how many incompatibilities there were.


There's a difference between being chased, and wanting to be chased/letting oneself be chased.

I'm not an attention whore and I only pay attention to people I care about. If you're in a relationship with someone, it's because you chose each other... if you liked other people you wouldn't be together. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, because you'll always find incompatibilities and flaws you overlooked or missed before you got together. It doesn't mean the relationship won't work out - you're supposed to deal with those flaws.

Of course any types can get along well and have a great relationship, but that's because a bond between two beings is special. It's not logical or explainable... it's just a connection you can't describe. However, I do believe some people are more likely to find that connection than others.


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## OmarFW

Oleas said:


> There's a difference between being chased, and wanting to be chased/letting oneself be chased.


It has nothing to do with the girls behavior, I just don't like competing with other guys for a girls attention.


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## honeymilktea

One of my very best RL friends (Kastor on this site) is an INFP and we get along smashingly! We're kind of like... partners in crime a lot of the time and find humor in a lot of the same things.

I think we get along so well because we're both so considerate of one another. I have her back and she has mine. <3 She can be pretty shy and rather self-deprecating when she's upset, but at the same time, I don't mind talking to her or feel like I'm troubling her when _I'm_ upset. When I feel loud and crazy and happy about something, I know she's behind me all the way, even if it's in a quiet way sometimes. She always has a quick, subtle one-liner that has me doubled over after I go on a tangent of... well, nothing at all! 

At any rate, my INFP friend is great and I'm not surprised that there are other people like us who get along so well!


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## Kastor

^ What she said XD


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## honeymilktea

kastor said:


> ^ what she said xd


EDIT: My caps turned into... lowercase. D:

Instead, have hearts! <3333


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## Memphisto

My closest guy friend is an ENFJ and I adore him. We met when we were really young...we were good friends all through our teen-age years and then lost touch for 10+ years. I looked him up a couple years ago and our friendship started right where it left off...it was like all those years hadn't even passed. He is intelligent, creative, funny, smart, focused, warm, caring, adventurous, spontaneous...should I go on? Ok I will.  He's the only person I've ever met that I can spill my heart out to, even the crazy stuff, and he understands, loves and accepts me for who I am. All the things I dislike about myself...are many of the things he really likes about me. It's an awesome friendship and I'm thankful to have somebody so supportive in my life.

The downside...we've never been in a romantic relationship but based on his previous relationships he's clingy, way more affectionate than me, way more extraverted than me and has a string of women all around him. I find him exhausting in large doses. He can be manipulative when he's trying to get me to come over to his point of view...which INFURIATES me. We didn't speak for months recently because I got sick of it... But his heart and soul is amazing...he's the only person I've ever met that truly "gets" me. It's one of my closest friendships and I imagine with hard work (like any relationship regardless of types) it would be a rewarding relationship if it ever turned into more than friends...


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## Seeker

OmarFW said:


> But I will say this: A woman who is being chased after by tons of guys 24/7 is not appealing to me. And that is the case with many ENFJ girls, but not exclusively.


I do have my doubts about the pairing as well based on my relationship with a man who tested as an INFP. Here on the forum some people have questioned whether he was actually an INFP. I can't say for sure because he also tested as INTJ earlier in life. 

But with that said, my being chased after by other guys was not the issue in our relationship. If anything, I was afraid he would cheat on me because he cheated on his ex-wife. And he was so aloof and said such mean things. 

In my case, I have guys interested in me---but I wouldn't say "tons of guys" "chasing after me "24/7." And if I'm not interested in a man, I try to kindly discourage his interest because I think it's wrong to lead someone on. And if I am in a serious relationship, that man is the center of my everything and he knows it. That's actually been my relationship downfall. I smother them, and they wind up needing space and feeling too overwhelmed by me.


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## almond

I am a female INFP dating a male ENFJ and we've been together for 3 years. I can't imagine anyone better! He's my other half. =)


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## swingbeatnik

Because INFPs can be very sensitive, they work best with ENFJs or ESFJs because they feel at ease in the relationship. INFPs are likely to be neurotic, worry about whether the other partner loves them as much - and can usually 'fantasize' about finding out they are cheated on - one of their worst fears (I say 'fantasize' because our imagination, well, imagines every situation).

The ENFJ brings out the best in the INFP, and the INFP fulfills the ENFJ's desire to be in a committed, loving relationship.

They are ideal, and like any other couple get into fights. The worst fight is over within hours - both just want the conflict to be resolved and the INFP is likely to feel 'stupid' after the fight because they acted out in such an emotional manner and took it personally. The ENFJ will cling onto his/her rational ideals, and defend them to a point of sounding condescending, which the INFP takes to heart. Shortly after, the ENFJ will realize this and will be ready and willing to sacrifice their rationality to appease the INFP. This does not mean that the trust and love isn't real, and the INFP will most likely apologize and realize that s/he was acting irrationally and although the ENFJ and the INFP will still feel strongly about how they percieve things, will, in fact, come to a point of agreement and understanding. Usually, agreeing with most points, and 'agreeing to disagree' on the small parts they disagree.

I could go on for hours haha.


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## OrangeAppled

darkestar said:


> The downside...we've never been in a romantic relationship but based on his previous relationships he's clingy, way more affectionate than me, way more extraverted than me and has a string of women all around him. I find him exhausting in large doses. He can be manipulative when he's trying to get me to come over to his point of view...which INFURIATES me.


These are consistently the thorns with me & ENFJs. But it's not a bad price for all the good parts.


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## Stella Blue

My ENFJ and INFJ friends seem to give the best councel, such that I feel understood by them; they rarely trivialize matters related to justice, loyalty, or empathy. Not only do they validate my feelings, they often recognize my need to verbally process, ( with someone I trust for support) to cope with situations. ENFJ's especially, help me to reframe my thoughts, tell myself a more positive story about my own situation. They inspire me to let go of negative thoughts and feelings.
ENFJ's seem to value my ideals, shared communication of respect and appreciation. They soak up the praise with modesty, and give it generously. I've never dated an ENFJ, but I am attracted to their charisma. I like men who inspire people, comfort, tell good stories, defend the underdog, and cope well with stress. These qualities seem consistent among the few ENFJ guys I know.
I like when my partner is a bit of an opposite. I like to admire him for having strengths I don't have, and to be appreciated for my own. Having the NF in common, however, makes any relationship require a bit less effort from both our parts.


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## Nadine M. Viores

I am an ENFJ dating an INFP and we get along amazingly well. Yes we mirror eachother in certain ways but there are still differences between us. The main differences being when it comes to what we dislike most, conflict. We ourselves have never fought or argued, but when it comes to differences with other people, I am very much in tune with the perspective of the person I have a difference with and try to find a middle ground or even put my feelings aside to make the situation better, where he is in tune too, but will still stand firmly where his emotions lay or just let it rest. When it comes to discussing conflicts with eachother, he is extremely understanding. Either way, we do mirror eachother in many ways but also in our own ways too (^.^). I am very happy and so is he.:laughing:


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## itrick

I'd love to meet the perfect ENFJ or INFJ girl.


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## Dream Beamer

huh, maybe that's why my relationships don't work, I need to find a freakin ENFJ, I've mostly been with INTJ's I think, which in the end we just don't work as much as we try.


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## sarah oliver

my boyfriend of three years is an infp. im an enfj. its really lovely


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## Seeker

Sleepy, I am more interested in learning about Socionics. I've been to that website a lot. I'm typed ENFJ in the tests there and in MBT tests. Can you recommend some ways of learning more?

As far as type compatibility goes, the more I learn the more I think that personality type is just one piece of a very individual puzzle in a relationship. Every time we see these various type threads, someone says, "OMG, x type is absolutely our type." Then a bunch of people who are in relationships with someone of that type come on and give testimonials about how great that type is. People from both types quote descriptions from each website that prove our compatibility. Then somewhere along the way someone says, "No my ex, mother, brother, sister, father, cousin's monkey, etc. was that type, and I could never be with someone like them." Then people quote things from the type description that prove incompatibility. The whole process happens with several different types for us ENFJ's ---it seems to be INFP, INTJ, EFNJ, ISTJ. 

I've noticed the same pattern in other subtype forums as well.

What it gets down to is that type can indicate some of the patterns that we might get into with other people. If that pattern was part of a previous traumatic experience with someone (like the above mentioned relatives), then the type may be more problematic for some of us. The pattern might also be helpful in couples therapy and in helping to break any negative aspects of the pattern. If on the other hand, the pattern is something that this or that particular ENFJ and his or her partner are able to work with, then it works.

Maturity of type and willingness to adapt to one anothers' needs both go a long way. For instance, one of my best friends is an INFJ, and so is my ex-husband. They are still two different people, one a whole lot more mature and willing to work on a relationship than the other. I've also seen a lot of difference in all the various individuals of each type after spending time here on the forum. For example, sometimes I see myself in other ENFJ's, and other times some ENFJ's seem totally foreign to me. 

But there are also a whole lot of other things beyond Myers-Briggs type that factor into compatibility as well: 1) Does the person smell right?--- pheremones make a difference in attraction; 2) Are there at least a couple of shared interests? 3) Are there shared values? 4) Are major life goals roughly in line with another? If one person *has* to move to Bangladesh to study the culture for forty years and the other *has* to live in Minnesota next to her family, then the relationship probably does not have much of a future. 5) There are probably other things I am missing as well.

In any case, this quote below is a large part of why my INFP and me imploded. Stability can be a need for an ENFJ--- and in some of us (me), it's greater than others. B sounds like she is taking it in stride, and so it sounds workable for her. It wasn't for me, but my INFP also had to have a couples therapist direct him to tell me that he loved me. He did it grudgingly, but he also had to add the caveat that love did not mean the same thing to me that it did to him. He broke up with me the next week. B's INFP loves her. Because of that, he'll probably also be able to give her what she needs in the relationship when she asks for it.

Can an INFP/ENFJ relationship work? I am to the point where I think each of the type relationships might be able to work for someone but that it's all about the two individuals. Type just reveals potential patterns. The INFP pattern scares me too much now. I value my INFP friends. But based on my experience with them, if they were male romantic partners, I do not think they would be able to give the reassurance I need in a relationship. In fact, when I need comfort, it's my INFJ and ENFJ friends that I call and that are there for me the most. They give me the verbal empathy that I need so that I can solve my problems on my own, and they are really good for me in that sense. 



B_M_192 said:


> And i dont even really know what the status of our relationship is - its something thats bothered me since the early days of our relationship. We've gone past the line of being 'just friends'. Theres too many strings to be NSA F***buddies. And we're too clingy and sentimental to be just 'friends with benefits'. With all that said, I've talked to him a couple of times letting him know of my frustrations about not knowing what we are. He doesnt seem to have the same frustrations and just tells me to let things happen. Interesting thing is that although we're not officially together,


----------



## JLee

Nadine M. Viores said:


> I am an ENFJ dating an INFP and we get along amazingly well. Yes we mirror eachother in certain ways but there are still differences between us. The main differences being when it comes to what we dislike most, conflict. We ourselves have never fought or argued, but when it comes to differences with other people, I am very much in tune with the perspective of the person I have a difference with and try to find a middle ground or even put my feelings aside to make the situation better, where he is in tune too, but will still stand firmly where his emotions lay or just let it rest. When it comes to discussing conflicts with eachother, he is extremely understanding. Either way, we do mirror eachother in many ways but also in our own ways too (^.^). I am very happy and so is he.:laughing:


This needs an update i think smiles at you


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## cyamitide

Fi-Ne-Si-Te type that is INFP in MBTI and INFj in Socionics is in Relations of Extinguishment (not Mirror) with the Fe-Ni-Se-Ti type that is ENFJ in MBTI and ENFj in Socionics.

These are called relations of extinguishment because every cognitive function of one partner is directly inverse of the other partner:
INFP/INFj: Fi-Ne-Si-Te
ENFJ/ENFj: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti

Extingiushment is attractive initially, but very fragile long-term. The attraction exists because extinguishment partners have dual thinking styles, but they value completely different elements (Fe vs Fi, Te vs Ti, Ne vs Ni, Se vs Si).

(this is exactly the same relationship type that exists between MBTI INFJs and ENFPs, why many of them get attracted to one another)



Seeker said:


> As far as type compatibility goes, the more I learn the more I think that personality type is just one piece of a very individual puzzle in a relationship. Every time we see these various type threads, someone says, "OMG, x type is absolutely our type." Then a bunch of people who are in relationships with someone of that type come on and give testimonials about how great that type is. People from both types quote descriptions from each website that prove our compatibility. Then somewhere along the way someone says, "No my ex, mother, brother, sister, father, cousin's monkey, etc. was that type, and I could never be with someone like them." Then people quote things from the type description that prove incompatibility. The whole process happens with several different types for us ENFJ's ---it seems to be INFP, INTJ, EFNJ, ISTJ.


True. Sometimes a relationship that has a poor prognosis in MBTI/Socionics will not unfold as poorly due to factors like compatibility in enneagram types. Any relationship will rely on compatibility of a multitude of factors, and MBTI type is only one of them.


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## Phoedolyn

I am an INFP and I am currently married to an INTP. Some of my best friends have been INFJs and INTJs. 

Curiously, I have clashed with most of the ENFJs in my life. To some extent, a few of these individuals were not well-developed ENFJs so my experience was probably tainted. All of them were women who were at the point of our meeting were incredibly miserable either in their profession or in their marriages. While I suspect that a healthy ENFJ would be wonderful to be around (ie Oprah) when they are not mentally healthy, they are incredibly draining and oppressive. It seems like they take the strong parts of their temperament (generally speaking) --- the teaching, mentoring, coaching gifts but use them to dominate, insult and even condescend. Which to me was a shame, because when used properly they add so much value to the world. But that has been my experience. 
I'm also curious if other INFPs have a hard time getting to know other INFPs? I have INFP friends but the friendship always stays at a certain distance-- I wonder if that's the case with most same type relationships.


----------



## Eclipsed

Sorry to bring up this thread again, but I'd like to add something, if I may...
I recently found out that my guy friend is an ENFJ. I really get the "connection" thing. We have some sort of... Language. My friends say we would make a good couple... :O So it's possible, although I don't really "feel the attraction." But a friendship with an ENFJ? Awesome. It's strange, how much we talk to each other. He makes me feel like an extravert, somewhat.


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## CrystallineSheep

The only problem is I am scared of extroverts........


----------



## Fodzy

prufrok said:


> (Forgive me if this thread is redundant. If it is, I would greatly appreciate being directed to old threads that cover the same topic.)
> 
> Anyway, I was wondering what people thought about the compatibility of an INFP and an ENFJ. The reason why I ask this is not because I've met an ENFJ, but because I got to thinking that these types must be very similar.
> 
> I know this is not breaking new ground or anything, but the INFP and the ENFJ seem like mirror-types to me. After all, the INFP is a dominant introverted-intuition with auxiliary extroverted-feeling, and the ENFJ is a dominant extroverted-feeling with auxiliary introverted-intuition.
> 
> It seems to be that, while being different in terms of introversion/extroversion, these two types show great potential for understanding one another. (And not just these; no doubt could one make up a list of these so called "mirror-types" for all 16.) But is there more to the story than this similarity in dominant and auxiliary function? Are there reasons that these two types may not get along as well as it might seem on paper? I'd love to hear from any INFPs who've dated ENFJs or vice versa, or from anyone who's dated their "mirror-type."


Whilst I score an INFX and have a fairly even spread of both INFJ and INFP traits, I do identify somewhat more with INFPs than INFJs so my perspective on this may seem a little... off-kilter. I'm in a relationship with an ENFJ and it's great. Our strengths complete our weaknesses in that when I start floundering and feel helpless in stressful situations, she'll swoop in and organise everything for me and when stress gets to her and she gets overly worked up, I calm her down and try to help her to realise that she can't help some things when they are out of her control. Not that everything is perfect. 

Someone once told me that EXXJs are the leadership types so they tend to see things in a far more literal, black and white fashion than other types and this is true in my relationship. I'm a Philosophy student and have a tendency to get pretty excited about some of the things that I'm learning or have read and feel compelled to talk to someone about it and she struggles to understand what I'm so excited about, or why it's important to me. Not that she is dismissive, she recognises that it does matter but she struggles to understand why. Not that I'm entirely blameless in this. She's training to be a midwife (seems like a perfect job for an ENFJ) so when she gets excited about something she's learned and tries to talk to me about it, whilst I will listen to what she's saying I will sometimes just.. drift off in my own head. I love the fact that she's found something so important to her but it's not something that I can just pick up naturally. I know enough to hold my own in a polite conversation as my mum is a midwife but beyond that I'm completely lost.

My disorganised lifestyle also gets to her. I'm very much a work-on-my-own-terms kind of guy and will often get up out of bed in the middle of the night to sit down at my laptop and hammer out a poem/short story or to read and I'll leave books, notepads and pieces of paper lying all over the place and she'll freak the hell out whenever she finds the mess I've made. She also gets frustrated whenever she complains to me about the mess and I'll just give her a blank look and smile because I can operate in fairly disorganised environments. I may not exactly prefer it, but I can do it.

But these are very minor downsides, to the point where we don't see them as problems as they're just part of how we are and how our personalities mesh together and the upsides massively outweigh these niggling little downsides. Our senses of humour compliment one another ranging from goofy to fairly dark and.. socially unacceptable, we're both avid readers and can spend hours discussing books, poetry and writing. We're both warmly interested in the people we encounter, although our individual approaches to helping and supporting people are vastly differet (she can be harsh and unforgiving whereas I can be too nice and forgive almost anyone for anything, after a while).

I'll stop there as I could go on for hours.


----------



## Maeve

Phoedolyn said:


> Curiously, I have clashed with most of the ENFJs in my life. To some extent, a few of these individuals were not well-developed ENFJs so my experience was probably tainted. All of them were women who were at the point of our meeting were incredibly miserable either in their profession or in their marriages. While I suspect that a healthy ENFJ would be wonderful to be around (ie Oprah) when they are not mentally healthy, they are incredibly draining and oppressive. It seems like they take the strong parts of their temperament (generally speaking) --- the teaching, mentoring, coaching gifts but use them to dominate, insult and even condescend. Which to me was a shame, because when used properly they add so much value to the world. But that has been my experience.
> I'm also curious if other INFPs have a hard time getting to know other INFPs? I have INFP friends but the friendship always stays at a certain distance-- I wonder if that's the case with most same type relationships.


Yeah, I have no doubt Oprah is ENFJ. Also, know what you mean about the ENFJ potential for dominating and being condescending when they're not in a good place. 

Ditto about INFPs. I seem to encounter a lot. And each time there's an invisible barrier up. In one case it was with someone where there was mutual respect and fondness, but we both needed time to warm up. On the other hand, there's a couple whose extreme disorganization and/or airheadeness make me cringe. They pick up on my unspoken criticism IMMEDIATELY...I don't have to say jack, and they pick up on my feelings. Quite interesting, and frustrating. 

My overall impression of INFPs is that they're like darting minnow. Hard to hold in your hand. I never, ever, in a million years thought I came off that way, but I think I must...


----------



## snc1878

Bri said:


> I know I'm quoting myself :blushed:... but I had one more thing to add.
> 
> 
> 
> It's this same ability that also makes us particularly vulnerable to the dream of a perfect relationship and our tendency to latch onto one person at a time as the idealized fulfillment of that dream. I remember meeting an ENTP and just KNOWING I would marry him, and "forecasting" how perfectly our temperaments fit together and complemented one another and how happy we would be. Stupid stupid stupid. But, when another guy would come along and apparently feel things for me, it would cause me to go, "No, I can't get into this, you'll mess up my little dream world."
> 
> ENFJs are weird.


I've done this too as an INFP. I noticed the same "dreamer" quality in the ENFJ I know.


----------



## snc1878

colours.contrast said:


> Sorry to bring up this thread again, but I'd like to add something, if I may...
> I recently found out that my guy friend is an ENFJ. I really get the "connection" thing. We have some sort of... Language. My friends say we would make a good couple... :O So it's possible, although I don't really "feel the attraction." But a friendship with an ENFJ? Awesome. It's strange, how much we talk to each other. He makes me feel like an extravert, somewhat.


I agree on ENFJ making you feel more extraverted. Also, had long friendship with ENFJ male friend before suddenly totally having "the attraction". Now he is the one dragging his feet! Ugh!  I can't imagine anything better...someone I've talked to about so many things, even more open with him than /great friend, and then to also be really turned on by him and like his company.


----------



## snc1878

Razvan said:


> I can totaly relate to that, even if I never had a romantic relationship with an ENFJ, but I can sense he compatibility with the ones I've talked and there's a nice feeling into it. So, I can understand what you are saying, I find it difficult though to find/identify them in real life...I think I may turn to more extroverted activities to find some. And yeah "settle for less", I know what you mean, there's that INFP desire for perfection speaking.


I found an ENFJ and also feel can't go back. But I probably wouldn't have guessed he was an ENFJ...or perhaps later still figuring out his different "masks". I think maybe I would identify them better now. I noticed some sensitivity to him before and a dreamer quality. A gentleness...but as a man, he also remains solidly confident and takes care of self/business and knows his own mind. I also ended up feeling pretty comfortable with him/trust him...he would ask questions/be interested and somewhat watch out for me when we went out. He wasn't crude or obnoxious, which I really liked. He also had an openness of sharing himself and stories. I met him at a party...so I guess extroverted activity....I do like my share of parties. He ended up being the first person that I started talking with by the food table. He plays a lot of sports, likes music shows.


----------



## Twigs

I like the idea of an ENFJ guy. I feel like he would be caring, and the shared N would be good for conversation and mutual understanding. I also feel like I should be looking for someone who is a bit more organised than I am (my thoughts tend to jump around a lot ... if Se gets distracted by shiny objects, I think Ne gets distracted by shiny thoughts). Plus, he would be extraverted so I wouldn't have to be, lol. My (hugely generalised and not at all well-researched) impression of ENFJs is that they are in charge without being inconsiderate.

I also like the idea of an INTP guy for some reason, although I think he'd probably get pretty frustrated with me. (maybe this is just from watching and reading Sherlock ... whoops I've given too much away)

I do definitely think that compatibility depends on the individuals and isn't cast in stone by type, but I also think that similar types have a head start in understanding each other, and INFPs and ENFJs are both in the NF pack.

Edit: ENFP sounds like it could be a good match as well ... same functions as INFP but different order. I think I would need a lot of energy to keep up though.

Edit #2: I've heard Benedict Cumberbatch is an INFJ ... if so, put me down for them too.

Basically the NF group is the UNF group AMIRITE
(that was a joke please don't hate me)
(I regret this entire post already)


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## andrew1234

Just something interesting I thought I'd add - I'm pretty sure the romance movies Before Sunrise / Before Sunset are about a ENFJ/INFP pair. Of course it is fictional but you can still see how the relationship is working.


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## cue5c

I'm sure it would work great. It's not the "perfect" match like an ESFJ, but it's similar enough that the two would get along great. I say INFP and ESFJs are perfect because it's the same trade-off of functions as in ENFP and INTJ. Opposite dom-feeling with reverse aux and tertiary, and opposite inferior thinking.

It's funny how easy it is for INFPs to accept their duals of ENTJ. It's most likely due to not knowing the functions and switching INTJ and ENFP to ENTJ and INFP. For those who do know functions, it's probably easier to accept that one's dual is also intuitive, whereas as an ENFP's is ISTJ. There's a lot of moaning about sensors, whereas in my experience everything just flows naturally.

Got a little off-topic, but that's Ne for ya. :tongue:


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## miafarrow

snc1878 said:


> I found an ENFJ and also feel can't go back. But I probably wouldn't have guessed he was an ENFJ...or perhaps later still figuring out his different "masks". I think maybe I would identify them better now. I noticed some sensitivity to him before and a dreamer quality. A gentleness...but as a man, he also remains solidly confident and takes care of self/business and knows his own mind. I also ended up feeling pretty comfortable with him/trust him...he would ask questions/be interested and somewhat watch out for me when we went out. He wasn't crude or obnoxious, which I really liked. He also had an openness of sharing himself and stories. I met him at a party...so I guess extroverted activity....I do like my share of parties. He ended up being the first person that I started talking with by the food table. He plays a lot of sports, likes music shows.


Oh yes, definitely! My sister is an ENFJ and I've long thought that if she were a guy (and not my sibling ) that I'd want to end up with someone like her. We seem and act so differently, but deep down, at our cores, we are the same. The other day, I looked over my list of traits for the ideal partner, and lo and behold, it was basically her type description. 

They've definitely got some traits that are tricky for us, but I think it's important to look at why we might feel this way. I'm dating one now, and so far it's the simplest, healthiest and most fulfilling romantic relationship I've ever had. I've noticed my ENFJ's social charm made me very sensitive to his devotion to me at first. Was I really special to him? If he was so friendly towards everyone, how could it be sincere? When I voiced this insecurity to him, his honesty and concern made me feel so secure that now this aspect of his character is something I am proud of. It's funny, I used to feel the same way about my sister too, until I allowed myself to recognize how deeply she loved me. 

In typical ENFJ fashion, my beau laid on his charm and exuberance very thick when I first met him. After our first date, I was like, whoa nelly (!) and almost ran for the hills. Obviously, being an INFP, I was like, is he full of it? But he was very good at reading my comfort levels and intuitively respected my need to take my time. He tells me now that when we first started dating he tried very hard not to overwhelm me with his enthusiasm and frighten me off! 

They are both admirable people: kind, self aware, deeply connected, affectionate, fun, optimistic, romantic, gentle, always growing, caring, protective of others, curious, secure in themselves, unique, independent but also team players, open minded and generous of spirit. 

Both have expressed to me that they are often reticent to share deeper feelings for fear of putting others in positions they are not ready to be in or which might make them uncomfortable. My beau tells me that when it comes to verbally expressing such things he gets quite shy, which, coming from such a friendly and physically affectionate person is still funny to me. When he does, he gets surprisingly awkward, which, truth be told, is very endearing. 

ENFJs are not perfect, but they run deep. I suspect my sister is still in love with a SO from four years ago! Underneath their charm and sociability is a very vulnerable person, which INFPs can sniff out despite all the exterior trappings. Somehow, we make each other feel safe.

What I think is so nice about this combo is that we seem to really value the positive aspects of each other. I think there's a potential for healthy INFPs and ENFJs to make each other better people. I know the ones in my life have done that for me.


----------



## snc1878

cue5c said:


> I'm sure it would work great. It's not the "perfect" match like an ESFJ, but it's similar enough that the two would get along great. I say INFP and ESFJs are perfect because it's the same trade-off of functions as in ENFP and INTJ. Opposite dom-feeling with reverse aux and tertiary, and opposite inferior thinking.
> 
> It's funny how easy it is for INFPs to accept their duals of ENTJ. It's most likely due to not knowing the functions and switching INTJ and ENFP to ENTJ and INFP. For those who do know functions, it's probably easier to accept that one's dual is also intuitive, whereas as an ENFP's is ISTJ. There's a lot of moaning about sensors, whereas in my experience everything just flows naturally.
> 
> Got a little off-topic, but that's Ne for ya. :tongue:


I've found I don't get along as well or easily with "S"s vs. "N"s.


----------



## cue5c

snc1878 said:


> I've found I don't get along as well or easily with "S"s vs. "N"s.


Eh, there's a lot of factors about who's compatible for friendship or otherwise, but that doesn't surprise me. It takes less effort a lot of the time, but some of my absolute best friends have been S so I tend to take it with a grain of salt.


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## TheModernAge

I'm with an ENFJ now :33 He's the best. We had a problem with me getting clingy when he needs his space and he was accidentally making me jealous but we got to the bottom of it all and now things are just as good as when they started  Omgg what could go wrong?! We're bestest friends! It's awesome cause we have the same core values and want to accomplish the same things in life. We also know each other ridiculously well. I could have a conversation with him in my head and that's exactly how it turn out to be with him. We agree on like everything and if not we both are willing to compromise. We also love doing the same things for the most part and it's really fun when we go on adventures.


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## Laeona

andrew1234 said:


> Just something interesting I thought I'd add - I'm pretty sure the romance movies Before Sunrise / Before Sunset are about a ENFJ/INFP pair. Of course it is fictional but you can still see how the relationship is working.


I think you're right Andrew. Now I need to get these movies. They look awesome!


----------



## Mustazio

mcgooglian said:


> ENFJs are evil, run while you still can.


I love em.
I totally agree too. 
They toy with me, 
they take more than they give(givers my ass).
They treat me like a second rate person, like I'm second to every person who is more fun.
They also tend to have really awful values. Usually totally based off of what people think of them and whatever they were indoctrinated with as a child.

I love ENFJs, i can't help it. Stop breaking my heart all the damn time.


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## Happy about Nothing.

Mustazio said:


> I love em.
> I totally agree too.
> They toy with me,
> they take more than they give(givers my ass).
> They treat me like a second rate person, like I'm second to every person who is more fun.
> They also tend to have really awful values. Usually totally based off of what people think of them and whatever they were indoctrinated with as a child.
> 
> I love ENFJs, i can't help it. Stop breaking my heart all the damn time.


Apparently you haven't met many INFPs with lackluster childhoods! There are good ones out there, don't worry. :] As human beings we always have growing up to do, even after we're grown.


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## Mustazio

@Happy about Nothing
I am an INFP with a lackluster childhood.....did you mean ENFJ?

Bleh, don't tell me to grow up, I'm speaking from experience. I've met plenty, male and female, I meet new people all the time. I'm actually very outgoing for an INFP.

I don't know you and I'm not saying you're like that, but to be honest I don't find many types to be very interesting anymore. INTJs can be refreshing, ENTPs make me laugh, INTPs are interesting to talk to. INFPs and ISFPs are the only types I like in my circle though.


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## Happy about Nothing.

Mustazio said:


> I am an INFP with a lackluster childhood.....did you mean ENFJ?
> 
> Bleh, don't tell me to grow up, I'm speaking from experience.
> I don't know you and I'm not saying you're like that, but to be honest I don't find many types to be very interesting anymore. INTJs can be refreshing, ENTPs make me laugh, INTPs are interesting to talk to. INFPs and ISFPs are the only types I like in my circle though.


Ha! No, I mean that there are many underdeveloped INFPs out there who I find to be lovingly intolerable.  I wasn't even talking about you in particular. I meant all human beings are always in a growth state. If you don't find anyone to be interesting, however, perhaps you haven't met the right people.


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## Happy about Nothing.

The guy in this video (Selden) always reminds me of an INFP. If you read the book it's based off of he seems even more INFPish. The woman seems like she could be an ENFJ, but I'm not absolutely certain of that. At any rate, their dynamic reminds me of the one that I usually have with INFPs. :]


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## Mustazio

Happy about Nothing. said:


> Ha! No, I mean that there are many underdeveloped INFPs out there who I find to be lovingly intolerable.  I wasn't even talking about you in particular. I meant all human beings are always in a growth state. If you don't find anyone to be interesting, however, perhaps you haven't met the right people.


send me naked picture of your profile picture and then come make out with me and then I'll make some chicken for us


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## Happy about Nothing.

Mustazio said:


> send me naked picture of your profile picture and then come make out with me and then I'll make some chicken for us


Is that the only thing you consider interesting? No wonder you're having issues.


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## Mustazio

Happy about Nothing. said:


> The guy in this video (Selden) always reminds me of an INFP. If you read the book it's based off of he seems even more INFPish. The woman seems like she could be an ENFJ, but I'm not absolutely certain of that. At any rate, their dynamic reminds me of the one that I usually have with INFPs. :]


BTW when I was talking about people who toy with me etc etc. I was talking about ENFJs, I'm confused as to why you're defending INFPs


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## Happy about Nothing.

Mustazio said:


> BTW when I was talking about people who toy with me etc etc. I was talking about ENFJs, I'm confused as to why you're defending INFPs


I think you're just confused.


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## Mustazio

Happy about Nothing. said:


> I think you're just confused.


Why would having known INFPs with lackluster childhoods have anything to do with my opinion of ENFJs? That's the part I don't get

Oh and yes. When it comes to ENFJs _thats _usually the only thing I find interesting. Make love where there is hate.


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## Happy about Nothing.

Mustazio said:


> Why would having known INFPs with lackluster childhoods have anything to do with my opinion of ENFJs? That's the part I don't get
> 
> Oh and yes. When it comes to ENFJs _thats _usually the only thing I find interesting. Make love where there is hate.


I'm saying that you've met a few bad seeds, that doesn't speak for an entire population. As far as the next statement, that's sort of sad, and honestly I find it rather distasteful. Maybe there's a reason you aren't meshing well with the ENFJs....


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## Mustazio

Happy about Nothing. said:


> I'm saying that you've met a few bad seeds, that doesn't speak for an entire population. As far as the next statement, that's sort of sad, and honestly I find it rather distasteful. Maybe there's a reason you aren't meshing well with the ENFJs....


yeah there definitely is. See my first post for the reason.


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## hopeless dreamer

miafarrow said:


> Oh yes, definitely! My sister is an ENFJ and I've long thought that if she were a guy (and not my sibling ) that I'd want to end up with someone like her. We seem and act so differently, but deep down, at our cores, we are the same. The other day, I looked over my list of traits for the ideal partner, and lo and behold, it was basically her type description.
> 
> They've definitely got some traits that are tricky for us, but I think it's important to look at why we might feel this way. I'm dating one now, and so far it's the simplest, healthiest and most fulfilling romantic relationship I've ever had. I've noticed my ENFJ's social charm made me very sensitive to his devotion to me at first. Was I really special to him? If he was so friendly towards everyone, how could it be sincere? When I voiced this insecurity to him, his honesty and concern made me feel so secure that now this aspect of his character is something I am proud of. It's funny, I used to feel the same way about my sister too, until I allowed myself to recognize how deeply she loved me.
> 
> In typical ENFJ fashion, my beau laid on his charm and exuberance very thick when I first met him. After our first date, I was like, whoa nelly (!) and almost ran for the hills. Obviously, being an INFP, I was like, is he full of it? But he was very good at reading my comfort levels and intuitively respected my need to take my time. He tells me now that when we first started dating he tried very hard not to overwhelm me with his enthusiasm and frighten me off!
> 
> They are both admirable people: kind, self aware, deeply connected, affectionate, fun, optimistic, romantic, gentle, always growing, caring, protective of others, curious, secure in themselves, unique, independent but also team players, open minded and generous of spirit.
> 
> Both have expressed to me that they are often reticent to share deeper feelings for fear of putting others in positions they are not ready to be in or which might make them uncomfortable. My beau tells me that when it comes to verbally expressing such things he gets quite shy, which, coming from such a friendly and physically affectionate person is still funny to me. When he does, he gets surprisingly awkward, which, truth be told, is very endearing.
> 
> ENFJs are not perfect, but they run deep. I suspect my sister is still in love with a SO from four years ago! Underneath their charm and sociability is a very vulnerable person, which INFPs can sniff out despite all the exterior trappings. Somehow, we make each other feel safe.
> 
> What I think is so nice about this combo is that we seem to really value the positive aspects of each other. I think there's a potential for healthy INFPs and ENFJs to make each other better people. I know the ones in my life have done that for me.


Well said! And, yes, both definitely need to be healthy. I think that is true for all relationships though. 

Just so you know, not all INFP/ENFJ compatibility are created equal. I know several INFPs and love all of them dearly. "Yet" there's only one who I'd give anything to be with-this person is so special to me that there isn't a moment that they don't cross my mind. I truly feel like I found my other half. Just waiting for my INFP to think the same.  

Nothing but love for INFPs.


----------



## Allskyblue

Even I've had crushes on ENFJs...but you know, They are just too extroverted, and sometime mean... I don't think INFP will go well with them. :/


----------



## Vegetable

From what I know of ENFJs (I have a lot of ENFJ friends) I think them and INFPs is a match made in heaven. 

Makes me wonder if there's such thing as an MBTI OTP?


----------



## 2GiveMyHeart2

As an INFP, I would probably be not mature or secure enough for an ENFJ. I couldn't imagine him loving someone like me or being successful long-term.


----------



## cheburashka

i havent ever met an enfj someone wanna hook me up :wink:


----------



## MrINFJ

I'm an INFJ/INFP hybrid and was dating an ENFJ for a while. We clicked from day one and had the most intense relationship for several months. She said no one got her like I did, and I said no one got me like she did. We're both experienced in relationships and had never dated anyone else with our types. It was the most intense relationship I've ever had. In fact, it was weird. We complimented each other in every way. Now I'm worried I'll never experience that again, haha. But hey-ho, that's relationships for you...


----------



## Jharaiz

@MrINFJ

And it ended? If it were so good; there was no follow through?


----------



## MrINFJ

Jharaiz said:


> @_MrINFJ_
> 
> And it ended? If it were so good; there was no follow through?


It's _sort_ of complicated. But basically she ended it and we're trying to be best mates. It's tough though. I don't think it'll work out, in all honesty. She finds it easier than me to downgrade a relationship - perks of being an ENFJ, I suppose!


----------



## SilentKnight44750

Happy about Nothing. said:


> I guess, I still never found out what the dream was about, and he did it (literally running away) several times after that as well. I'm guessing he felt awkward or embarrassed, or else I'm incredibly repulsive.


I doubt the last one. Maybe, It was better that you didn't find out lol He probably was worried that it would change the way you felt about him. It's kind creepy but flattering, at the same time, that someone else would have a dream like that about you.


----------



## Happy about Nothing.

SilentKnight44750 said:


> I doubt the last one. Maybe, It was better that you didn't find out lol He probably was worried that it would change the way you felt about him. It's kind creepy but flattering, at the same time, that someone else would have a dream like that about you.


HA! Like, it was like erotic or something? Why did he even tell me he had a dream about me in the first place!


----------



## SilentKnight44750

Happy about Nothing. said:


> HA! Like, it was like erotic or something? Why did he even tell me he had a dream about me in the first place!


It might have been. Maybe, it was more disturbing than anything else. Are you asking why he didn't tell you in the first place? I apologize. My mind is in a bit of a fog. Lol


----------



## Happy about Nothing.

SilentKnight44750 said:


> It might have been. Maybe, it was more disturbing than anything else. Are you asking why he didn't tell you in the first place? I apologize. My mind is in a bit of a fog. Lol


Nah, why did he let me know he had the dream if he wasn't planning on telling me what it was about.  That's just cruel!


----------



## SilentKnight44750

Happy about Nothing. said:


> Nah, why did he let me know he had the dream if he wasn't planning on telling me what it was about.  That's just cruel!



Wow, I don't know. Maybe, you should ask him sometime. LOL 


Maybe, it went like....

Him: Oh, hey, I had a dream about you last night..

You: Oh really, what was it about?

Him: It was....*thinks to himself* (Shoot, did I just really say that? I can't tell her really what it was about!)

You: .......

Him: .......

You: So..

Him: *Runs away*


He probably thought you'd think of him as a total dork or worse. He probably was doing you a favor by not telling you.


----------



## Happy about Nothing.

SilentKnight44750 said:


> Wow, I don't know. Maybe, you should ask him sometime. LOL


Hmmm. Perhaps I shall. :]


----------



## Whisperdream28

shakti said:


> Ahhhh yes, this is the issue that can bug me most with INFPs - their tendency to flee and their avoidant behaviour in general. So thank you, this was very insightful :happy:
> 
> When I feel that an INFP is trying to run from me or leave an encounter early for some strange reason, I may feel like that person doesn't care about me as much as I care for him/her. So this fleeing thing often leaves me hurt and/or confused as, according to my ENFJ logic -
> 
> liking someone = wanting to spend as much time in their company as possible, unless there's some kind of dire emergency
> 
> ergo
> 
> trying to run away from spending time with someone = not liking someone
> 
> 
> ...so it's very difficult to me to wrap my head around how things could function otherwise! But now I think I'm starting to get INFP logic, in which acting avoidant can actually signify affection...no matter how strange that may seem to me! If any INFPs out there could elaborate more on this or share some experiences to get me to understand better, that would be soooo great :happy:


This is interesting because I've noticed this is exactly what I do, especially concerning someone I'm fairly sure is an ENFJ. I look forward to seeing him, but when the moment comes I flee as soon as I get nervous. Even I get frustrated by my tendency to do this. 

Part of it is wanting to protect myself emotionally. I think INFPs in general over think things and so sometimes I'll just leave an encounter (even if the person was being very friendly and engaging) because I start to doubt that they're as emotionally invested as I am. And then I fear that I'll be rejected or that I might be bothering them, and so rather than take that chance I'll just leave. One of the things that most worries me is being perceived as clingy- I just want to be well liked for who I am and not feel like I'm bothering you. 

With ENFJs it can be especially tricky because they're so warm and engaging (and that's exactly draws us out) so I think we run away in fear of that vulnerability. It's like running away from your weakness because you know how susceptible you are to it.


----------



## shakti

Whisperdream28 said:


> This is interesting because I've noticed this is exactly what I do, especially concerning someone I'm fairly sure is an ENFJ. I look forward to seeing him, but when the moment comes I flee as soon as I get nervous. Even I get frustrated by my tendency to do this.
> 
> Part of it is wanting to protect myself emotionally. I think INFPs in general over think things and so sometimes I'll just leave an encounter (even if the person was being very friendly and engaging) because I start to doubt that they're as emotionally invested as I am. And then I fear that I'll be rejected or that I might be bothering them, and so rather than take that chance I'll just leave. One of the things that most worries me is being perceived as clingy- I just want to be well liked for who I am and not feel like I'm bothering you.
> 
> With ENFJs it can be especially tricky because they're so warm and engaging (and that's exactly draws us out) so I think we run away in fear of that vulnerability. It's like running away from your weakness because you know how susceptible you are to it.


Thank you so much, this was very insightful...especially the part about overthinking and not wanting to bother, those really sound familiar! 

I am doing my best to not take this kind of INFP behaviour as evidence they don't like me, or as a result of something I did wrong...though I do find it frustrating and confusing. Especially when I state in a million ways and demonstrate in a gazillion more that they are NOT bothering me, yet they still seem to be convinced they are...why is this so? Do they believe I'm saying this just out of Fe, but actually mean opposite? How to remedy this? :happy:


----------



## Wellsy

shakti said:


> Thank you so much, this was very insightful...especially the part about overthinking and not wanting to bother, those really sound familiar!
> 
> I am doing my best to not take this kind of INFP behaviour as evidence they don't like me, or as a result of something I did wrong...though I do find it frustrating and confusing. Especially when I state in a million ways and demonstrate in a gazillion more that they are NOT bothering me, yet they still seem to be convinced they are...why is this so? Do they believe I'm saying this just out of Fe, but actually mean opposite? How to remedy this? :happy:


 If someone has the answer, tag me, i'd love to know an answer for this too.
I don't often initiate conversations with people as I feel like a nuisance, im taking up there time and I dont imagine what I think to say is worthy of their time. I overcome to this to a degree with some people as the desire to chat is stronger than the worry.


----------



## snc1878

shakti said:


> Thank you so much, this was very insightful...especially the part about overthinking and not wanting to bother, those really sound familiar!
> 
> I am doing my best to not take this kind of INFP behaviour as evidence they don't like me, or as a result of something I did wrong...though I do find it frustrating and confusing. Especially when I state in a million ways and demonstrate in a gazillion more that they are NOT bothering me, yet they still seem to be convinced they are...why is this so? Do they believe I'm saying this just out of Fe, but actually mean opposite? How to remedy this? :happy:


What makes you feel liked/valued? That would help those of us INFPs. 

I'm not sure if I have a good answer to your other questions. I think something to keep in mind that I've noticed with INFPs and ENFJs is that both sense things about each other. I am really in tune with the ENFJ and can sense his moods and vice versa. If you are saying something is fine but we sense something else, then we stay backed off and give space. Recently this happened, and I didn't particularly believe what ENFJ said, but later turned out he had something really bothersome he was dealing with unrelated to me...so indeed he was honest in me not being an issue, but because he didn't let me know where his attention/mood was coming from, I sensed his distraction and didn't know for sure if I was a concern or not. 

Also, it usually isn't something ENFJs are doing wrong...I think the vulnerability is part because we tend to be more happy and intimate with ENFJs...which gives you the power to hurt us, and maybe also brings up any of our past insecurities being faced with someone so accepting. Maybe we try to show respect for this relationship where we feel so positive/understood by making sure we aren't going to tick you off or have you disappear. It is sometimes rare for us to find such understanding and enjoyment of company and don't want to ask for too much, lest we sound needy as mentioned. I think good to understand that I think ENFJs get more connections from a variety of people, while INFPs have quality connections with a smaller amount of people. I see ENFJs having at least five people to discuss important things with, where for INFPs, maybe we only have two...with you being our favorite. 

For me personally, I feel I have so many needs met and feel very content, balanced and caring with my ENFJ. I want to be there for him and enjoy when he shares. Maybe since he has a larger personality, I feel I have to be more on my toes to understand him or not offend, since I hear him talk about people who rub him the wrong way, so I give space. I really try and want to understand his motivations and needs -- so ENFJs, please help out here on those things! : )


----------



## shakti

snc1878 said:


> What makes you feel liked/valued? That would help those of us INFPs.
> 
> I'm not sure if I have a good answer to your other questions. I think something to keep in mind that I've noticed with INFPs and ENFJs is that both sense things about each other. I am really in tune with the ENFJ and can sense his moods and vice versa. If you are saying something is fine but we sense something else, then we stay backed off and give space. Recently this happened, and I didn't particularly believe what ENFJ said, but later turned out he had something really bothersome he was dealing with unrelated to me...so indeed he was honest in me not being an issue, but because he didn't let me know where his attention/mood was coming from, I sensed his distraction and didn't know for sure if I was a concern or not.
> 
> Also, it usually isn't something ENFJs are doing wrong...I think the vulnerability is part because we tend to be more happy and intimate with ENFJs...which gives you the power to hurt us, and maybe also brings up any of our past insecurities being faced with someone so accepting. Maybe we try to show respect for this relationship where we feel so positive/understood by making sure we aren't going to tick you off or have you disappear. It is sometimes rare for us to find such understanding and enjoyment of company and don't want to ask for too much, lest we sound needy as mentioned. I think good to understand that I think ENFJs get more connections from a variety of people, while INFPs have quality connections with a smaller amount of people. I see ENFJs having at least five people to discuss important things with, where for INFPs, maybe we only have two...with you being our favorite.
> 
> For me personally, I feel I have so many needs met and feel very content, balanced and caring with my ENFJ. I want to be there for him and enjoy when he shares. Maybe since he has a larger personality, I feel I have to be more on my toes to understand him or not offend, since I hear him talk about people who rub him the wrong way, so I give space. I really try and want to understand his motivations and needs -- so ENFJs, please help out here on those things! : )


Thank you so much for yet another insightful response :happy:

Yeah, I think this ENFJ-INFP problem has a lot to do with the timid and insecure nature of INFPs...don't be afraid of asking, us ENFJs are here to give, remember, so we're used to being asked and "bothered" a lot, this is what we do best and what we live (and love!) to do :happy: And we're not going to disappear anywhere, we're Js after all  I understand we can be a bit intimidating, but try not to let that bug you...we may have many people in our lives sometimes, but all of them are very important to us :kitteh:

As for how to make us feel valued/liked - demonstrate your affection with explicit, unambiguous words and deeds of love like compliments, sweet nothings, gifts and thoughtful gestures, repeat as necessary...and with us it is almost always necessary  Our Fe+Ni may be able to read your minds sometimes, but we still very much require and desire evident expressions of affection! So never think that there's no need to express to an ENFJ just how much you appreciate him because you presume he "already knows".... remind him! And again. And yet again! Just pretend we are suffering from amnesia :tongue: 

Also, I know you INFPs can be a bit lost in space and forget even your own names, but please try to do your best not to forget anything related to your ENFJ...even the dumb crap and the trivial details, as they are often not that trivial to us! See, we have this chart in our heads that contains all the important details on the people we care about...so our first assumption will be that you have forgotten because you don't care :sad: 

Oh and please don't be afraid of offending us...personally I have noticed that people may mistakenly think that they have offended me, when I'm actually just being my dramatic self! And even if you rub us the wrong way, just start rubbing in the other direction and we will be our happy selves in no time again :wink:


----------



## snc1878

shakti said:


> Thank you so much for yet another insightful response :happy:
> 
> Yeah, I think this ENFJ-INFP problem has a lot to do with the timid and insecure nature of INFPs...don't be afraid of asking, us ENFJs are here to give, remember, so we're used to being asked and "bothered" a lot, this is what we do best and what we live (and love!) to do :happy: And we're not going to disappear anywhere, we're Js after all  I understand we can be a bit intimidating, but try not to let that bug you...we may have many people in our lives sometimes, but all of them are very important to us :kitteh:
> 
> As for how to make us feel valued/liked - demonstrate your affection with explicit, unambiguous words and deeds of love like compliments, sweet nothings, gifts and thoughtful gestures, repeat as necessary...and with us it is almost always necessary  Our Fe+Ni may be able to read your minds sometimes, but we still very much require and desire evident expressions of affection! So never think that there's no need to express to an ENFJ just how much you appreciate him because you presume he "already knows".... remind him! And again. And yet again! Just pretend we are suffering from amnesia :tongue:
> 
> Also, I know you INFPs can be a bit lost in space and forget even your own names, but please try to do your best not to forget anything related to your ENFJ...even the dumb crap and the trivial details, as they are often not that trivial to us! See, we have this chart in our heads that contains all the important details on the people we care about...so our first assumption will be that you have forgotten because you don't care :sad:
> 
> Oh and please don't be afraid of offending us...personally I have noticed that people may mistakenly think that they have offended me, when I'm actually just being my dramatic self! And even if you rub us the wrong way, just start rubbing in the other direction and we will be our happy selves in no time again :wink:


This is wonderful! Thanks!

Also, I think this points out some of the beauty in the relationship...INFPs get practice asking and ENFJs perhaps get some experience of someone who wants to give to them/practice receiving.


----------



## niffer

I wish I could intake INFPs in breakfast cereal form.


----------



## Whisperdream28

shakti said:


> Thank you so much, this was very insightful...especially the part about overthinking and not wanting to bother, those really sound familiar!
> 
> I am doing my best to not take this kind of INFP behaviour as evidence they don't like me, or as a result of something I did wrong...though I do find it frustrating and confusing. Especially when I state in a million ways and demonstrate in a gazillion more that they are NOT bothering me, yet they still seem to be convinced they are...why is this so? Do they believe I'm saying this just out of Fe, but actually mean opposite? How to remedy this? :happy:


I think we find our own behavior frustrating and confusing too...

I think I'd be most apt to not run away if the person was approaching me while I was alone. Obviously not in a creepy way, but just when we aren't near other people we know. And I guess though inwardly we want people to feel intensely towards us, we may get a little intimidated and push back if they show it at first. I've heard it said that introverts need much less stimulation than extroverts, so little things like smiles from across the room are more than enough to make us feel valued.

I don't really think there's a specific formula to it though. It's not a problem that the ENFJ has to solve because most of us already like ENFJs tremendously, we just need time to get to know you before we can trust you enough to let our guard down. If I don't _feel _that an ENFJ really wants to spend time with me, I'm not going to believe them no matter how much they insist. That's why we need to get to know them first, until we get a sense of how to read what they're really thinking.

Just being consistent in showing your affection (and most importantly spending time with us) in small ways is enough. We'll come around- its just our own overthinking and tendency to expect the worst that we have to get over.


----------



## Lucyintheskyyy

No. Nonononono. My SISTER is an enfj. She's so nIce and friendly at first but when she gets mad, its terrible. She explodes at me at random times. As an INFP, I tend to implode and take things out on myself and not hurt others, but my twin sister is just plain mean when she gets angry and affects everyone. Everyone on the outside of our family thinks she's a frickin angel, and I'm stuck with no friends whatsoever because I'm 'weird'. Don't get messed up with an enfj too personally.please.


----------



## angelicblaze

My husband is an ENFJ and I am an INFP. He is the most giving, attentive, encouraging, supportive, caring and compassionate person I know, he is forever putting me first and watching out for my interests. He is such a rare type that when we first met I wasn't sure if he was truly the way that he is or if he was just wanting me to like him. But he really is the way he is, he treats everyone kindly and with the utmost respect. I saw someone say that that type was evil, and I wanted to debunk that because it is far from true. He has absolutely no problems with anger, there's no way I would have married him if I detected any sign of a temper. He helps me work through my insecurities and fears, and never imposes anything on me nor forces me to be one way or another. I know I am going on and on here, but he helps me be the best me I can be so I have nothing but praise for him. He truly and honestly believes his purpose is to help others be the best they can be and to better their lives. He and I are highly compatible. We love to be together and we share in the same values and ideals and emotions. 

The main difference with us he is more politically minded, so he likes to keep up on the politics and news, whereas I am happy not to be involved with that but I get my updates from him and that is good for me. Also he is more structured and has a routine, but I don't have a routine at all. But the awesome thing is because of his compassionate nature he doesn't mind that I am not structured because he always sees the best in me and I in him. Hope that provides another opinion from my point of view on the compatibility subject.


----------



## shedreamt

angelicblaze said:


> My husband is an ENFJ and I am an INFP. He is the most giving, attentive, encouraging, supportive, caring and compassionate person I know, he is forever putting me first and watching out for my interests. He is such a rare type that when we first met I wasn't sure if he was truly the way that he is or if he was just wanting me to like him. But he really is the way he is, he treats everyone kindly and with the utmost respect. I saw someone say that that type was evil, and I wanted to debunk that because it is far from true. He has absolutely no problems with anger, there's no way I would have married him if I detected any sign of a temper. He helps me work through my insecurities and fears, and never imposes anything on me nor forces me to be one way or another. I know I am going on and on here, but he helps me be the best me I can be so I have nothing but praise for him. He truly and honestly believes his purpose is to help others be the best they can be and to better their lives. He and I are highly compatible. We love to be together and we share in the same values and ideals and emotions.
> 
> The main difference with us he is more politically minded, so he likes to keep up on the politics and news, whereas I am happy not to be involved with that but I get my updates from him and that is good for me. Also he is more structured and has a routine, but I don't have a routine at all. But the awesome thing is because of his compassionate nature he doesn't mind that I am not structured because he always sees the best in me and I in him. Hope that provides another opinion from my point of view on the compatibility subject.


This is inspiring. I just met another ENFJ and was feeling a little jaded due to past experiences with them. Your post is a much needed reminder that ENFJs are as different from eachother as INFPs, or people of any other type.


----------



## imagica

A former coworker of mine was a very insecure ENFJ. Apparently he liked me for a while and I was totally oblivious to it, in fact, at times I figured quite the opposite. Looking back I should have seen the signs, but I didn't until later I found out I somehow "broke his heart" and I have NO IDEA how. Literally no clue. After a while he started to behave very coldly to me and eventually told me that I was a "bitch". Which was weird because a lot of my other coworkers thought I was incredibly nice, just kind of sarcastic. He ended up falling for the new girl who was also an INFP (they're having problems now because she doesn't want a bf/gf label and he wants to be official) and often compared me to her, which made me feel pretty bad and it built up some resentment. He was a good friend to me, but when I left the job we left on bad terms and lost contact.

I mean, I think if I had picked up on the signs, I probably would have reciprocated. He was a very cute and sweet guy, we talked fairly easily. Also, if he wasn't as insecure I think he wouldn't have taken my sense of humor so personally and probably would have appreciated it like my other coworkers did (not bragging, but my other coworkers found me to be comic relief). Not to mention, although our values didn't exactly clash, we just weren't passionate about the same causes.

I don't know, if I met a healthy ENFJ with similar values I think it could work, but I just haven't met one.


----------



## Relendar

My brothers gf is INFP very talented,shy,pretty,love languages,draw and stuff 
but my "friend" infp is shy cute and this but everyone think that shes looking for true love but she is siren and she had 20 boyfriends/girlfriends since september. i cant say i like infp. that depends on person but some are really really mean :/


----------



## SeekerOfLove

Hi - I recently met an INFP on an online dating site. He knew right away that we could be best friends. I am so new to this personality type stuff that when I took the test and found out that I am an ENFJ and how much he and I were alike, yet different it blew my mind. I being the ENFJ have developed feelings for him and although we've shared many private things from our past and we've talked on the phone for hours, we laugh, we banter and we text for hours, he still says he feels nothing beyond friendship. Should I wait it out or is he solid with his feelings and knows that he can't be more than friends with me. So confused!!


----------



## Elvinprincess

One of my closest friends is an ENFJ and I'm an INFP, and I gotta say that we get along really, really well. She's a really genuine person, which I respect her for, and something that really works well for our friendship is that we can just talk about complex things, and she really cares about what I have to say. I can be the quiet one, but around her, she just asks me questions and I can answer them without hesitation, because we think so similarly. When we both took the test and realized that our types were compatible, we went into hysterics; no wonder we got along so well from the get-go!


----------



## Artemis 2x4

mcgooglian said:


> enfjs are evil, run while you still can.


lmfao


----------



## sweethomealabama

Originally Posted by mcgooglian 
enfjs are evil, run while you still can.


please share......?


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Just my 2 cents - 

I've known and seen several ENFJs in action. I've dated one, and my father is one. I find this personality type to be very suffocating but that's only in comparison to myself. And the thing is, I FIND that when you share a UNION with someone, it's very difficult to respect their differences whilst not offering anything hence in my mind MAKING it a union. 

The ones I've dealt with seemed to need routine to feel comfortable - something I could not offer. And if I didn't say anything when they were expecting it, they would contact me MORE which made me stay or at least WANT to stay further away. They wanted to speak every day and, if I couldn't, they would eventually question my feelings for them (which to be honest was probably a reasonable reaction. The reason I didn't have a lot of feelings for them was BECAUSE they were so hands on, and I didn't consider that to be of much use in my life. I didn't want to follow a schedule to get things done. I wanted to feel like I had the freedom to be who I wanted when I wanted, so I stayed away to not have to lose my mind. I find it's easier for me to want to spend time with a person when there aren't personal expectations involved, as I don't live up to any expectations myself - I kind of just do what I feel like doing in that moment. That's not to say that if they weren't vocal about said expectations, they could manipulate me. They simply wouldn't give me MORE reason to not speak with them.)

Also, it was hard to speak with them on a metaphysical level (I assume this was because of their Se-Ni compared to my Si-Ne.) I had to get to know them better in order to do that which frustrated me. Not to mention I found their extroversion overpowering. 

This, from my perspective, is by no means an ENFJ-hatefest. I was asked how I thought we rated on a compatibility scale, and am simply offering my opinion. I'm 99.9% sure someone would see all of these things I've listed as qualities in a potential mate..friend..whatever.


----------



## Eggsies

pinkmatter said:


> Just my 2 cents -
> 
> I've known and seen several ENFJs in action. I've dated one, and my father is one. I find this personality type to be very suffocating but that's only in comparison to myself. And the thing is, I FIND that when you share a UNION with someone, it's very difficult to respect their differences whilst not offering anything hence in my mind MAKING it a union.
> 
> The ones I've dealt with seemed to need routine to feel comfortable - something I could not offer. And if I didn't say anything when they were expecting it, they would contact me MORE which made me stay or at least WANT to stay further away. They wanted to speak every day and, if I couldn't, they would eventually question my feelings for them (which to be honest was probably a reasonable reaction. The reason I didn't have a lot of feelings for them was BECAUSE they were so hands on, and I didn't consider that to be of much use in my life. I didn't want to follow a schedule to get things done. I wanted to feel like I had the freedom to be who I wanted when I wanted, so I stayed away to not have to lose my mind. I find it's easier for me to want to spend time with a person when there aren't personal expectations involved, as I don't live up to any expectations myself - I kind of just do what I feel like doing in that moment. That's not to say that if they weren't vocal about said expectations, they could manipulate me. They simply wouldn't give me MORE reason to not speak with them.)
> 
> Also, it was hard to speak with them on a metaphysical level (I assume this was because of their Se-Ni compared to my Si-Ne.) I had to get to know them better in order to do that which frustrated me. Not to mention I found their extroversion overpowering.
> 
> This, from my perspective, is by no means an ENFJ-hatefest. I was asked how I thought we rated on a compatibility scale, and am simply offering my opinion. I'm 99.9% sure someone would see all of these things I've listed as qualities in a potential mate..friend..whatever.


This is actually quite true from many ENFJ x INFP experiences I've read on PerC. It's inherently what happens when you set these two personalities together.


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## shedreamt

So... I may have finally met male ENFJs who I can stand being around for longer than a couple of months, haha! :crazy: 

The first one is a physician I'm shadowing. He's by far the most well-liked doc in his medical practice, and is definitely idealistic at his core. He's also a workaholic! I don't know how he manages to be at the hospital 80+ hours a week and organize a bunch of community events, but somehow he gets it all done. He's been incredibly supportive of me and my career goals, and so much more interesting to follow around than most other physicians I've shadowed. Am so grateful for his mentorship!

The second one is the leader of a local young adults Bible study. I thought he was annoying and judgemental at first, but he's so darn lovable that I'm slowing becoming fond of him! His passion for ministry and genuine concern and care for the well being of others is palpable. 

Conclusion: ENFJ males age like fine wine. You might jive much better with ENFJs who are in their thirties and forties than the younger ones. :happy: 

It probably helps too being an older (and wiser?) INFP than I was a couple of years ago. The more experiences we have with different types of people, the better we understand how to appreciate their unique strengths. Perhaps ENFJ/INFP compatibility is greatly affected by our respective maturity levels because of inverted functions.


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## mrhcmll

I'm an INFP and usually when I talk to people, my Ne gets ahead of me and lists all the possible replies and normally everybody is predictable but I found that ENFJs, for me, aren't.

Their replies catch me off guard and challenge me to engage more and give off my best quirks and replies and when I do, they never fail to amaze me and keep me on the edge of my seat. It's exhilarating because most of the time I have to try to keep the conversation up with people. With mature and intelligent ENFJs the conversation is flowing.

However I don't know a lot of ENFJs in real life so sadly, I haven't got a chance to start a relationship but if I had a chance, I would definitely go for it.


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## sweethomealabama

If there is an ENFJ in the room we always end up together- then, forging the most beautiful relationship ever. Every ENFJ in my life, I love very deeply. Seriously, they are people who reside in my heart.


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## Persnickety

I'm an INFP. My best friend is an ENFJ. Out of everyone that I've ever come into contact with throughout my life, nobody other than her has expressed such intuitive insights into my character. She is incredibly empathetic and can put herself in my shoes with incredible ease. She provides me with genuine love/support whenever I'm feeling down. I don't know if all ENFJs are like this, because, regardless of type, everyone is different. However, I would definitely say that ENFJs and INFPs are compatible (based on my experience).


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## AWeirdMixture

I've always wanted to meet an ENFJ. I think I took a class with one. He was really cute but I was too scared to approach him since I'm shy with crushes. If any ENFJ's wanna chat (or anyone who finds a boring girl like me interesting), I have no life so feel free to start a conversation.


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## shedreamt

My ENFJ friendships (close ones) always seem to fade out over time. It's only the ESFPs, ENFPs, and ESFJs that seem to resonate emotionally with me on a deep, sustainable level. I definitely still respect ENFJs, though.


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## nichya

Ever watched Blue Valentine? The ENFJ I have dated was exactly the same when they first meet and it is all fun and stuff, and his future vision of himself was exactly like how the character turns out to be (ryan gosling) Also as in the movie of the Notebook, especially the summer they spend together (later on he gets more introvertish) This will be the good ENFJ. Now if you have watched Jeux d'enfants, Sophie is the more thriller kind of ENFJ which I absolutely love but she is a pyscho let's face it. 

So they are challenging, daring, crazy romantics, since INFPs are hopeless romantics and crazy bat shit when it comes to intense romance, they make a match made in -HELL- because as much as fun it seems it is programmed to burn you both in the end, but no there is no end. You are never out of the life or plans of an ENFJ. Oh it just does not end well because ENFJs have little demons in them that will screw things up because they need that romance to be fired so the challenges get more brutal the more you fight. 

Being an INFP and I don't think I am charming or anything but I do attract ENFJs, it is just that they are almost as rare as we are. But they are usually out there so you might think they are more common.If you catch an ENFJs attention they just won't let you go, I think that helps me figuring things out better as I need strong hints to understand someone might be into me. Also INFPs always dream of meeting their partner in the most special, unique,romantic way and ENFJs are so damn good with applying their creativity and passion into romance. So a love story just like in the movies is possible if you are an INFP/ENFJ match also was the case for my movie-esque first meet. I have never seen such intensity in my life other than in movies. And indeed most of the time we spent together was almost as a different scene from a movie. Even our fights, break ups, get togethers, but mostly when we were both happy and well when I had my guard on and he was trying to get past that. Since in my case even then I can't open up easily and question if I am in love or it is the attention, I pushed him away tons of times because of the intensity that I have always dreamed of turns out scares me in real life. But they won't give up. They will spend ridiculous time and effort to make it happen. They never take no as an answer. Apart from that if I meet them in public occasions they will simply spot me and won't let me a minute alone the whole event, won't take their eyes off you even. They constantly try to provoke you, the last one I met and it was a very short meet via another friend the guy just wouldn't let me go and made my friend promise she brings me back again after asking if I had to go but why blah blah. Also if a guy you just met is asking you if they could smell your hair or something like that they might be ENFJs. Anyhow you get the idea, just like in the Notebook and Blue Valentine, they will do outrages things to meet you, to ask you out and won't take no as an answer. Then they will do outrages things with you and make you die from giggles and kisses. I can promise none of your dates will be the average or the standard.

They will kill you with attention, won't let you be alone. You will demand that you be left alone and they will suffocate you with good morning messages with goodnight texts and between 40-90 texts a day if they don't have much to do. 

But if they are not good individuals and let's say they do have a tendency to let their demons take over and I can say they are self sabotaging as much as we are, they will do things that could break a relationship and it will many times. I actually read mine's diary, well technically he was in the room so not secretly but rather during a fight and I read something that said "I really don't know why I do all these stuff when there is nothing in this world I want more than to be with her(me)" so that really made me feel torn. And I know he tried many times but he just did what he did anyway. Then he also got sad seeing how much I can get hurt. Then we break up and when we meet again there is this fire, a strong fire also because they tend to scratch it to get reactions and feelings out of you. It is so awkward really. SO I think we are made matches BUT we are not good for each other. He even once told me how romantic it would be if one of us committed suicide, hell it is romantic but leaves you puzzled when it is not a movie but your life.

Anyhow you get the picture, I was annoyed by the constant attention, being included in future plans and almost forcingly caretaking and his need to be noticed by everybody in the world. He is always in this look at me look at me mood and he will just start talking randomly with any stranger. Also around others, awkwardly he was acting as if I am an accessory and start talking about me and asking people how lucky he is to have me and aren't I the most beautiful girl that they have seen. Truth is I am not ! So it only makes me feel awkward and want to go hide rather. They are the best manipulators in the whole world, period. Apart from the romance, I think we didn't share much and we didn't understand each other that much though we could just spend hours cuddling not talking but still feeling the intensity. I think it is all about how passionate and creative and romantic we INFPs are in the inside and how they are so on the outside. 

That being said I am aware that I could never be as outgoing and energetic as they are so it left me feeling bad at good times that I am not doing enough. It is a fact. We are rather cold and like our independence too much and won't show as much care if we have trust problems with them. 

When we are good we are the best but when we are bad we are the worst I guess  

I really wonder though to have an ENFJ friend. I think it would be a lot fun and would make great memories without the unhealthy attachment going on


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## nichya

whoups this was for the person who said he knows and infp who had 20 boyfriends since september

Well that doesn't sound like an infp to me at all. I can't even imagine having 20 boyfriends in a lifetime and even so I would be too late to catch up lol. I can never imagine an infp being like that. It is just not who we are, not to say we are perfect but that does not even apply to us.


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## The Hungry One

The most perfect guy I ever met was an ENFJ and I know this seems unbelievable and very un-ENFJ-like, but he totally changed my life. He made me realize the importance of putting on a happy face sometimes, to spare other people unhappiness, and the value of social responsibility--volunteerism and activism. 

There's something very lovely about being with someone who knows how you feel and actively looks out for you and who wants what you can give in abundance--silly sincere INFP blind worship, I guess. Even when we were in a crowd of friends, he made sure I didn't feel left out. And he was honorably good in a way that I didn't think existed anymore. 

Sure he has flaws. I once dreamt he was giving a speech and I realized I was dreaming mid-dream because the speech was so _succinct _(he tends to ramble haha), but they're flaws that work with my natural preferences. He likes to talk and I love listening. 

I always feel safe around ENFJs more than any other type. It could be that I was just lucky to have met a very nice and wise ENFJ, but I think there is an inherent compatibility, at least one-sidedly, from my end. (I don't know if he felt anything particularly special and I know for a fact that we are not sexually compatible.) 

I hope he liked me at least half as much haha.


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## Summery

@nichya. Your description was a very beautiful thing to read!


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## bigstupidgrin

Just in case you aren't from the thread form the INFP group: I am happily married to an ENFJ. She supplements where I lack (E and J) but we're both very warm towards each other (NF). She respects my I needs and I have somebody to open up to. We love hosting friends; she keeps the conversation going, I can pick my spots or go into the background (I like to cook for people). I love having a J around for career advice, she's got 5+ years experience as a teacher and I'm changing careers into it. She's a realistic counterpoint to my P idealism.


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## Blickwinkel

I just started dating an ENFJ. There was instant attraction when the two of us first started talking. We're pretty much exactly what the other is looking for. This last week I must have stayed on the phone from 10 til 2 in the morning each day talking to her. I'm exhausted and sleep deprived, but its been worth it. I'd say the compatibility is the stuff of legends, we'll see how it goes though moving forward....it is still early on but I see a lot of promise


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## Teal

I have a great friend id date if i could whose a INFP, i think we go together pretty perfectly if i do say so myself :laughing:


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## Born12

I'm an INFP and I have had a crush on someone who is an ENFJ for some time now. I will say I have trouble seeing any way conflict could ensue between us. I am an INFP though so I am at risk of putting someone on a pedestal. But I find that she is one of the few people that can really keep up and show interest in the things I throw my passion into and we share deep human understanding. I find another thing is ENFJs are different enough from INFPs where they can still balance each other out. If you are too different than it can cause conflict but if you have a few differences it can cause balance. INFPs tend to have few that can meet their level of passion and their intra-personal intelligence but lack in boldness and confidence. 

ENFJs are bold and confident plus charismatic but don't quite have that level of intra-personal capability. But ENFJs are very good at saying what needs to be said when it needs to be said. Plus ENFJs and INFPs I could see making good parents. They are both pretty conflict free people which makes for a good environment in raising children.


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## RosieJones468

You are talking in terms of socionics because in terms of mbti INFPs cognitive stack is Fi-Ne-Si-Te.INFJs and ENFJs are mirror types. INFPs and ENFJs are contrary types. However in socionics, an INFp=INFJ and an INFj=INFP


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## Ingrid31

I was wondering if someone has been in a longterm relationship INFP female and ENFJ male, were the best and the worst of each personality comes with time. What happens in the mind of an ENFJ male, after a time in a relation based on a very strong connection with an INFP to take the decision to end it? Does it become exhausting? And what happens in the mind of the INFP that is constatly pushing away? Can the ENFJ give the feeling of uniqueness and trust that the INFP needs to feel, when one of ENFJ's motivations is being a people's person to everyone? I experienced that kind of relationship,at first it took me a while to get there as we were friends but once I did I was completly into it.. I felt understood and I loved him. 

We had ups and downs, a couple of breakups but we werent able to keep ourselves apart of each other for long, till he took the final decision and broke up, he felt in love with someone else but I do recognize my relationship was already broken. Our problems came all to specific points: my dislike of him always wanting to be liked and approved by all people (even for people that meant anything to him), he was always putting our problems on the lights for others and me in the countrary being always so private and discrete. I felt at times that we werent playing in the same corner, but in different ones against each other or at least he portraited our problems like that to others for his own validation. 

Sometimes he was also aborsoved by his own demons and a dark side to see life and himself. And me as an INFP at my worst I needed then, constant and exclusively attention from him in my inmature years (we were in our mid-20's), I had some insecurities and his ENFJ ways gave me reassurance, I became demanding and self centered in my needs instead of focusing in both needs, sometimes doubting him and our relationship, always with a step in and a step out. I also used to portrait a perfect image of him and of myself as well, thinking we were both extraordinary people , looking at our lights and not accepting our darkness as individuals and as a couple. The relationship was fragile at the end but the feeling was longlasting...after we broke up he was a constant and kept present for 8 long years, always writting for anniversaries, our special dates and memories, wanting to talk to me and see each other but I didnt agreed. He used to say during that time he'd never loved anyone the way he did love me and never gave to anyone all he did for us, that he wasnt able to forget us, and our memory was always with him, that he carried my heart with his heart and that he even named a newly born girl with my name ...and all those things were an obstacle to completly let go. For a long time it was the same for me but I did chose to move on, he left me for another relationship that apparently flow better and easly than ours and he hurt me badly, I knew I just couldnt even try it again, it didnt feel right for me.

I let it go, but I wonder if I could give myself the chance to be with another ENFJ? I wonder if it was our specific chemestry that didnt work or if there is imcompatibilty in the longterm between INFP and ENFJ. At our best it was really unique, and genuine. We shared the same values, I got to touch some really deep sensible sides of him and he also made me get out of my shell and trust him with my heart. I help him relaxed and breath, stop being too hard on himself and to take it slowly, see beauty in life apart of his professional goals and doubts about him...we were both very sensible and passionated but very poised as well about our ideas. He made me feel understood and loved even for my defaults, letting me express myself without no fears and understood the need to always be true to myself. He loved my introversion and the contradictory 'wildness' that can take over when standing for the things that I believe in. I didnt know about MBTI then and It was beautiful for a while, but Im not sure if for a longterm INFP and ENFJ are the best match, or our contrary functions can be a problem. What do you think?


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## nichya

@Ingrid31 If you had a Casanova twist to this and that it wasn't 8+ years, I would think you dated my ex >.> I had written here before I believe, so I don't want to be redundant but my experience was more or less the same, of course perhaps it could have been better if he wasn't a Casanova. Looking back now, I only miss the moments because those moments had crazy chemistry but not more. He also said that he never felt the same way for anyone again and he regularly tries to contact me but well in my case, I know that I am better off. I also acknowledged that I possibly liked the attention he gave me, he made me feel very special and maybe I was more naive back then. But something was lacking, I figured it out when I fell in love with an INFJ later, I am much more drawn to introverts. And yes, my ENFJ and other ENFJs that have asked me also wanted to be the center of attention so badly, which was cute at times, annoying at others. Even when the chemistry is amazing, I feel like it kind of stays on the surface and does not go deeper. It begins to feel like a push and pull. In theory, it should work wonders but in my experience it really doesn't. I am now pretty annoyed by Fe display. Anyways, have you checked socionics? It is called a extinguishment relationship Socionics - the16types.info - Extinguishment Relations. I find it very insightful and it is spot on (unlike MBTI).

If you are new to socionics...most INFPs are more likely INFj or INFp in socionics and ENFJ are ENFj


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## Happy about Nothing.

nichya said:


> @*Ingrid31* If you had a Casanova twist to this and that it wasn't 8+ years, I would think you dated my ex >.> I had written here before I believe, so I don't want to be redundant but my experience was more or less the same, of course perhaps it could have been better if he wasn't a Casanova. Looking back now, I only miss the moments because those moments had crazy chemistry but not more. He also said that he never felt the same way for anyone again and he regularly tries to contact me but well in my case, I know that I am better off. I also acknowledged that I possibly liked the attention he gave me, he made me feel very special and maybe I was more naive back then. But something was lacking, I figured it out when I fell in love with an INFJ later, I am much more drawn to introverts. And yes, my ENFJ and other ENFJs that have asked me also wanted to be the center of attention so badly, which was cute at times, annoying at others. Even when the chemistry is amazing, I feel like it kind of stays on the surface and does not go deeper. It begins to feel like a push and pull. In theory, it should work wonders but in my experience it really doesn't. I am now pretty annoyed by Fe display. Anyways, have you checked socionics? It is called a extinguishment relationship Socionics - the16types.info - Extinguishment Relations. I find it very insightful and it is spot on (unlike MBTI).
> 
> If you are new to socionics...most INFPs are more likely INFj or INFp in socionics and ENFJ are ENFj


I haven't had great success with the pairing as an ENFJ. In large part because I feel my whole extroverted personality is generally not accepted or what is desired by the INFP. Extinguishment sounds about right. And these relationships are so painful. I unfortunately feel like I need to stay away from this type romantically.


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## nichya

Happy about Nothing. said:


> I haven't had great success with the pairing as an ENFJ. In large part because I feel my whole extroverted personality is generally not accepted or what is desired by the INFP. Extinguishment sounds about right. And these relationships are so painful. I unfortunately feel like I need to stay away from this type romantically.


True, well, of course, I feel like I could never show the kind of social involvement as ENFJ is accustomed to. I would feel he has done a lot for me, in terms of attention, constant check ons, time together and social appearance? and I can not return it. And also, it would suffocate me and seem pointless when I am not exclusively the person he spent time with. It was not what I was looking for either, like there was a mental distance between us. I also felt I was so low energy compared to him. I don't know  But yea, I feel the MBTI pairing is not working for both sides. I would love ENFJs in my life though. It amazes me how INFJs think theirs work, but I say they buy the MBTI book easily.


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## Happy about Nothing.

nichya said:


> I would love ENFJs in my life though. It amazes me how INFJs think theirs work, but I say they buy the MBTI book easily.


What do you mean by this?

I concur. Everyone should be with someone who fully appreciates who they are as a person and meets your needs. You have every right to want that.

I think I can be friends with them, but even then I feel it's better to keep an emotional distance.

That being said...I would still give it a chance if it felt like the right choice.


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## nichya

Happy about Nothing. said:


> What do you mean by this?
> 
> I concur. Everyone should be with someone who fully appreciates who they are as a person and meets your needs. You have every right to want that.
> 
> I think I can be friends with them, but even then I feel it's better to keep an emotional distance.
> 
> That being said...I would still give it a chance if it felt like the right choice.


Ah just that, if you ask INFJs they will with a majority say their supposedly MBTI pairings work for them (in theory because their poll also says the experience didn't work well in the end). The guys are the least skeptical  There are different voices on INFP forum, or other forums about MBTI pairings.

Agreed, I think you guys would be more happy with someone with more extroversion and energy? Of course, I would give a chance if I feel that way. It all comes down to individuals in the end.


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## Ingrid31

@nichya, Thank you your post. I didnt know about Socionics. I think that together with @Happy about nothing, we are in the same page, there is something about the initial chemestry with the INFP and ENFJ that estinguish with time, because we are so different, even when there's a very strong connection. When it goes wrong ends really painful, because we do get to connect. At least in my case the relation last long for years, he wasnt a Casanova at all and we did got to a very deep level and connection. I think that's the reason why it took almost 8 years after to completely turn that page. I think INFP and ENFJ are really atracted by their diferences, there's a magnetism and in theory one complements the other weakness. But in practice, Im not sure... our differences can be chaotic to each one of us. But who knows!...it will be interesting to know the experience of a ENFJ and INFP that had work in the long term for all of us that hadn't. Which were the things that bothered them from the other and how did they manage them.


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## Ingrid31

@nichya, look what I found in the link to Socionics you shared . This is so true... I can totaly relate from my INFP and ENFJ relationship experience.

"In extinguishment pair, the flaws of the other partner are easily visible. Accusations of not thinking things through, skepticism, and criticism are all too common. These relations should not be approached emotionally – deep emotional grievances will tear them apart. While meticulously counting the flaws of the partner you forget about vulnerability of your position – your own flaws which he also easily sees"


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## nichya

@Ingrid31 Theory makes it sound too beautiful, but now in practice, I run the other way around overly Fe display, to be honest. 

Oh we have a victor, @bigstupidgrin is happily married to an ENFJ - if I don't remember wrong.


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## nichya

@Ingrid31 Also, according to things Jung said, actually INFJs are complementary to INFPs (but I have a hell of an experience with lot of them lol, well I mean not romantically but they annoy me to no end, yet I also find them close). The ENFJ is rather contrast. There is a difference. This is because Jung says the biggest difference among people is introversion/extroversion, he says it is even more strong than the difference of any two functions. So, naturally, it can be an obstacle. 

But in the end, I don't know what works and what doesn't. Seems all comes down to the individual. I think maybe we INFPs are a little too self-conscious that we know what feels right, what is missing and are a little hard to please in the long term especially if we are not rubbing each other right, mentally. But I will zip it now, cause  I prolly don't even have much experience on this.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar

I think problems may start when an "INFP" is an ENFP or INFJ, which is quite common.


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## Meliodas

For hopeful lovers, read my post here on this topic.

http://personalitycafe.com/nfs-temp...-nfs-arent-perfect-angels-4.html#post32539234

I am an ENFJ and will give my brothers in arms this warning. For the love of God, ascertain an INFP's core beliefs before sleeping with her, and if they conflict with yours - run. Fi heavy types will cut happily you out of their lives - in fact, they'll consider it a moral, just action - if you tread on their precious values.


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## ThirdArcade

It's been six dates and I found myself an INFP [he took the test ... and yes, he is an INFP]. The connection is just so amazing and intense right now, it even scares me.

He told me he has never felt so "in sync" with someone & that when we are together it is like the entire world just disappears. He told me that he feels so at peace with me, comfortable, yet intrigued by many expressions and emotions. Said he never felt so understood & it is as if I am reading his mind. 

I have never felt so loved and appreciated by someone in my life. We are so affectionate with each other. He is incredibly patient with me when I nervously babble on and on. He is ready to be with me and he told me this. 

Anyone else experience this with an INFP in such a short time? I am both scared, happy, relieved. Everything. The emotions for the both of us are just so amazing. He understands I've been deeply hurt in the past (he has too) & we are gonna take it slow. Going to build a solid foundation.

He is quiet, but he said he has never opened like this with anyone and as easily as with me. Wow.


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## Michael82

Don't forget to flirt


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## Imogen

All right. I wrote this to express the experience I had with an ENFJ. I was a freshman in college. He was a couple years older. I typed as an INFP and judging by my experience with him; observing, listening etc… I have typed him as an ENFJ. Correct me if I am wrong.

I think my reply to this topic started as a free write, like I was writing myself a letter. I wrote it at first as a way for me to understand everything that happened and then, well... I ended up with this. 

“He” is the ENFJ. “You” is referring to me, an INFP female. (I’m sorry this post is so long.) If you don't read it all, I don't blame you. No hard feelings.

I'm wondering if there is anyone here who can relate and would like to share their thoughts. It’s an open conversation really. Here goes.


He didn’t love you. He didn’t love you.
He didn’t love you.
He didn’t love you.
He was unkind.
He lied to you.
He never said he was sorry.
He ignored you
And then pretended like everything was okay.
He wanted what he couldn’t have: you.
He was angry at you for that.
He said he wanted you to stay pure “forever.”
He told you he loved you.
(He lied.)
He wanted you to validate him.
He wanted to influence you,
He was never not engaged to someone else.
And he never promised you anything of the kind.
He wanted to date you,
He wanted to marry you (if only in theory)
Because it meant you would belong to him
And it meant he would sleep with you.
Your innocence was a frequent topic of conversation,
Like the weather.
He would joke with them
But alone he said, 
You are a diamond in the rough.

In the beginning
He was kind, attentive, interested, attractive.
In the beginning
He made you feel good.
He told you that you were unique, pretty, funny and kind.
He told you that you were rare.
He said your husband will be lucky.
He took himself out of the equation
But then kept reminding you that he was there.
You were interested.
And so was he.
He wanted to have you to himself.
None of the others approached you
Because of the team’s pack mentality,
You were “claimed.” And off limits.
But you didn’t quite know it.
You spoke with only him for hours at the house,
During a low key bonfire with the team and your roommates there.
And it felt good to find someone to talk to.
You wouldn’t have to be
Just a wallflower.
He parked his car in the parking lot beside your dorm.
It meant that every now and then, you would pass by each other.
Once, he told you he saw you up ahead on the sidewalk 
And didn’t recognize you at first.
He thought you were kinda cute then realized apparently, 
That it was you.
But he knew all of this already.
He is trying to tell you in a sober way
That he thinks you are attractive
From a distance at least.

When you meet, you wave and smile and he does the same.
You both sink into a routine.
He tells you that you have a nice name, that you smell good
But he also says, after a night of light drinking, that he wants you to marry him.
You’re already getting married, you remind him.
He is smitten with you, that’s what he says.
You feel conflicted
Because he’s engaged.
But he likes you
And you, for your part, are foolishly drawn to him.
But you keep things at a certain distance.
The two of you flirt around the idea of
Romance,
Of soul mates,
Of something more than just talking.
Your head is filled with rose-colored daydreams.
One day he asks you to go for coffee 
You say, sure.
You both talk and laugh and connect.
And his mood lifts, he seems happy again.
He says that you are a ray of sunshine,
And a winning combination.
He tells you that you are the most honest person he knows.
He offers to drive you home during the school break,
At least get you three hours closer.
She does not go along.
He does not talk about her.
But you have a nice time anyway.
In the car, you talk a little, but you laugh more.
And he stops for dinner on the way
And he pays.

He offers to drive you back a few days later.
On the drive back, he talks about her,
Makes an excuse as to why she isn’t with him.
He says he loves her.
And he asks if you have a boyfriend, if you like anyone.
No, you say. 
But it’s not the truth. 
You can’t tell him that it’s him you’re interested in.
You are not brave enough
And guilt still shrouds you for even entertaining the idea of a future
With him.
So the next day he asks if you have plans for the evening.
He asks you out to dinner and you say, yes.
He makes excuses, but says he will call to let you know for sure.
But he doesn’t. And you wait.
Like an idiot.
You had not expected him to lie.
The next time you see him, he doesn’t say anything about it.
Not exactly an apology.
But you understand there are boundaries.
His engagement is what keeps you from pursuing him.
Soon, you’re smiling again and so is he
Kind of.
He’s more reserved. He’s holding back.
Weeks pass.
A month.
And you see him again at the rec center
But now she is with him.
You see him hanging out with her.
He only spares you a glance.
Once in a while.
No more conversations,
Just a passing, half-hearted smile
If he feels like it.

He is in control now,
He chooses when he wants to be associated with you
And when now is not the time.
He calls you one evening
To see if you will be at the house, with everyone else
Because he doesn’t feel like drinking
And you’re the only one there with any common sense.
You show up
But he doesn’t.
This is never brought up in conversation.
Like it never happened.
He sees you a few days later
And chats you up like everything is normal.
He flatters you, gives you a compliment.
Then he asks if you’ll be at practice
Even though it’s a team sport and you don’t play.
He wants you to be there.
You say,
Okay.
But you leave at the last minute
Because you start to feel uncomfortable.

The next chapter introduces another turn of events.
He has given you up, decided not to be with you
And encourages his ISTJ teammate to ask you out.
You give it a go,
Not realizing ENFJ was behind it.
You are a little confused about ISTJ because he had a girlfriend a few months ago.
One of his friends asks you if you have a “thing” for ENFJ.
You say no, but feel guilty.
They know you are lying.
What if he was single?
But he isn’t, you protest.
Doesn’t matter, they can see right through you.
You are not a good liar.
ISTJ is introduced into the conversation and everyone gets confused.
You and ISTJ? Nah, they think it’s a joke.
And they know him better than you do.
You are embarrassed. And determined.
Not to get caught up in this whirlwind of emotions.
Not again.
And ISTJ talks about him quite a bit
So you can’t even escape him while on a date with his teammate.
The two of you don’t really find common ground
There is no attraction, no familiarity or interest.
He wants to know all about your date with ISTJ when you see him next.
He asks you if ISTJ kissed you (no) if he put his arm around you (no) if he called it a date (no… but he did pay…)
He wants to push you and ISTJ together like cake toppers on a wedding cake.
That is what it seems like.

But in the same breath, he says he would date you.
In the same breath
He opens the door again.
He is not done with you.
He “claimed” you as his, remember?
But he can’t have you.
He told you he was engaged.
You told him your morals.
And that is why it could never be.
But he says it would be nice to have you around
Because you are an eternal ray of sunshine.
The next time you see him is at the house
And he’s drunk
He is making comments about you,
Derogatory statements and implying things that will never happen
Between you and ISTJ.
The night is not turning out like you had hoped.
And he gets angry at another guy at the party.
They get into a fight.
And you go back to the dorm with your roommates.

You go to the next game
And just happen to be sitting next to her.
Without premeditation.
She was the one who sat beside you, actually.
And it was funny, because the two of you shared a smile
Like strangers do
With seemingly nothing in common
But a smile.
He comes around and sits between you.
You remain quiet and invisible
While he tells her that if you and she were in a fight, you might 
Win
But she would win.
In the end.
You shut down,
Trying not to feel it.
Trying not to feel the rejection as those words fall through you.
They are only words
After all.

You make a choice.
And distance yourself from everyone.
But he misses you, perhaps
Because a few days later, he asks if you’ll be at the next game and when you shrug 
And shake your head,
(Because telling him the truth is not a viable option in the moment,)
He becomes disappointed in you.
He tries to persuade you
Just a little
But it doesn’t work.
He tries to convince you because ISTJ will be at the game
And besides if you don’t go, then who will he talk to?
But you don’t go
Because ISTJ doesn’t flirt with you unless he’s been drinking
And the situation will only fuel his desire to manipulate it the way he sees fit.
During the game, he calls you
To curse you for not going.
There is agitation in his voice.
He pretends to call you for another reason, to get a phone number he already has.
You don’t respond to his anger outwardly, but read off the number anyway.
When he says thank you, 
He adds, I love you.
And you hold your breath, because
You can’t tell if he’s telling the truth.
He tells someone on his end that you didn’t say it back to him.
The anonymous person addresses you and tells you to say, 
I love you, in return.
But you don’t say it.
Because you can’t.
So you let out your breath and say nothing until
There is an awkward goodbye.

You have not validated him.
And he is losing the control he once had.
You hardly speak after that.
On another outing, ISTJ can’t help but bring him up in conversation.
You are interested, but you try to hide it
Because of the phone call.
You don’t know if he meant it.
Now you and he say hello in dull tones as you pass by in the rec center,
And it is as though there is no life left,
As though there is nothing to say.
Yet there is everything left to say.
But the words die in the back of your throat.
Times passes and eventually
ISTJ asks you out again.
This time, you are made painfully aware of how badly matched you are. 
How this will not work.
You wonder if ISTJ actually likes you.
ISTJ does not say you’re pretty. He tells you that you’re quiet and hard to get to know.
So you begin to slide away again, hoping to disappear.

You pass by him on the sidewalk and he greets you with cool indifference.
The butterflies are gone, and you feel cold to his attention.
You cannot forget how he hurt you,
How with his remarks, he made you feel ugly and out of place.
He calls one night while you’re in the shower
And you don’t know about the voicemail he leaves 
Until you plug your phone in to charge for the night.
The only thing he says is, that’s harsh. 
You want to call him back
At first.
But it’s too late at night.
The next day, you fret about it and decide it can’t be that important.
If it was, he would call back.
That is what you tell yourself.
You tell yourself you can’t talk to him anymore because he might want to talk about 
Why you have stopped seeing ISTJ.
And you don’t want to discuss ISTJ at all.
ISTJ is not your boyfriend, yet neither is he.
But the thought of telling him everything you have been thinking 
For the past eight months is too overwhelming.
So you decide, 
For the last time
To let it go.
Even though it hurts
And there was so much left unsaid...

You don’t meet again.
Not for months.
You run across him once when he shouts your name through the car window 
As he drives by with a broad smile and a wave.
He gets married somewhere in between and
You see him one more time at the rec center
Where he trains the new team in the winter.
You both say hello and the ending is:
Goodbyes are spoken with not much expectation.
There are a thousand things you want to say,
But guilt holds your tongue still
Because now he is married.
And you should not have wanted him in the first place.
You look back because you have a feeling of finality,
As if you know,
You will not meet again.
When he says goodbye, you want to know if he will look at you
And he doesn’t.
As you leave,
You want to cry
But no tears will come.
And you realize
There is nothing left.
There is nothing left.
There is nothing left. There is nothing left.


----------



## TheJ

ThirdArcade said:


> It's been six dates and I found myself an INFP [he took the test ... and yes, he is an INFP]. The connection is just so amazing and intense right now, it even scares me.
> 
> He told me he has never felt so "in sync" with someone & that when we are together it is like the entire world just disappears. He told me that he feels so at peace with me, comfortable, yet intrigued by many expressions and emotions. Said he never felt so understood & it is as if I am reading his mind.
> 
> I have never felt so loved and appreciated by someone in my life. We are so affectionate with each other. He is incredibly patient with me when I nervously babble on and on. He is ready to be with me and he told me this.
> 
> Anyone else experience this with an INFP in such a short time? I am both scared, happy, relieved. Everything. The emotions for the both of us are just so amazing. He understands I've been deeply hurt in the past (he has too) & we are gonna take it slow. Going to build a solid foundation.
> 
> He is quiet, but he said he has never opened like this with anyone and as easily as with me. Wow.


That's cute. 
How is it now, 2 months later?


----------



## ThirdArcade

TheJ said:


> That's cute.
> How is it now, 2 months later?


It is going excellent! Are relationship is building an amazing foundation. We love to express our feelings for each other through poetry (my preference), through drawings & art (his preference). We enjoy each other's company immensely - print making, eating out, going for walks, holding hands, kisses, making our first terrarium, discovering our world together. He will be meeting my Dad soon & he said he wants to marry me for sure. Wow. It will be our 3rd month anniversary on May 14th


----------



## motherofdragonslover

Cheeeese said:


> Mcgooligan is right. Run run run, as fast as you can! :wink:


I'll run if the enfj promises to chase me


----------



## motherofdragonslover

Imogen. said:


> All right. I wrote this to express the experience I had with an ENFJ. I was a freshman in college. He was a couple years older. I typed as an INFP and judging by my experience with him; observing, listening etc… I have typed him as an ENFJ. Correct me if I am wrong.
> 
> I think my reply to this topic started as a free write, like I was writing myself a letter. I wrote it at first as a way for me to understand everything that happened and then, well... I ended up with this.
> 
> “He” is the ENFJ. “You” is referring to me, an INFP female. (I’m sorry this post is so long.) If you don't read it all, I don't blame you. No hard feelings.
> 
> I'm wondering if there is anyone here who can relate and would like to share their thoughts. It’s an open conversation really. Here goes.
> 
> 
> He didn’t love you. He didn’t love you.
> He didn’t love you.
> He didn’t love you.
> He was unkind.
> He lied to you.
> He never said he was sorry.
> He ignored you
> And then pretended like everything was okay.
> He wanted what he couldn’t have: you.
> He was angry at you for that.
> He said he wanted you to stay pure “forever.”
> He told you he loved you.
> (He lied.)
> He wanted you to validate him.
> He wanted to influence you,
> He was never not engaged to someone else.
> And he never promised you anything of the kind.
> He wanted to date you,
> He wanted to marry you (if only in theory)
> Because it meant you would belong to him
> And it meant he would sleep with you.
> Your innocence was a frequent topic of conversation,
> Like the weather.
> He would joke with them
> But alone he said,
> You are a diamond in the rough.
> 
> In the beginning
> He was kind, attentive, interested, attractive.
> In the beginning
> He made you feel good.
> He told you that you were unique, pretty, funny and kind.
> He told you that you were rare.
> He said your husband will be lucky.
> He took himself out of the equation
> But then kept reminding you that he was there.
> You were interested.
> And so was he.
> He wanted to have you to himself.
> None of the others approached you
> Because of the team’s pack mentality,
> You were “claimed.” And off limits.
> But you didn’t quite know it.
> You spoke with only him for hours at the house,
> During a low key bonfire with the team and your roommates there.
> And it felt good to find someone to talk to.
> You wouldn’t have to be
> Just a wallflower.
> He parked his car in the parking lot beside your dorm.
> It meant that every now and then, you would pass by each other.
> Once, he told you he saw you up ahead on the sidewalk
> And didn’t recognize you at first.
> He thought you were kinda cute then realized apparently,
> That it was you.
> But he knew all of this already.
> He is trying to tell you in a sober way
> That he thinks you are attractive
> From a distance at least.
> 
> When you meet, you wave and smile and he does the same.
> You both sink into a routine.
> He tells you that you have a nice name, that you smell good
> But he also says, after a night of light drinking, that he wants you to marry him.
> You’re already getting married, you remind him.
> He is smitten with you, that’s what he says.
> You feel conflicted
> Because he’s engaged.
> But he likes you
> And you, for your part, are foolishly drawn to him.
> But you keep things at a certain distance.
> The two of you flirt around the idea of
> Romance,
> Of soul mates,
> Of something more than just talking.
> Your head is filled with rose-colored daydreams.
> One day he asks you to go for coffee
> You say, sure.
> You both talk and laugh and connect.
> And his mood lifts, he seems happy again.
> He says that you are a ray of sunshine,
> And a winning combination.
> He tells you that you are the most honest person he knows.
> He offers to drive you home during the school break,
> At least get you three hours closer.
> She does not go along.
> He does not talk about her.
> But you have a nice time anyway.
> In the car, you talk a little, but you laugh more.
> And he stops for dinner on the way
> And he pays.
> 
> He offers to drive you back a few days later.
> On the drive back, he talks about her,
> Makes an excuse as to why she isn’t with him.
> He says he loves her.
> And he asks if you have a boyfriend, if you like anyone.
> No, you say.
> But it’s not the truth.
> You can’t tell him that it’s him you’re interested in.
> You are not brave enough
> And guilt still shrouds you for even entertaining the idea of a future
> With him.
> So the next day he asks if you have plans for the evening.
> He asks you out to dinner and you say, yes.
> He makes excuses, but says he will call to let you know for sure.
> But he doesn’t. And you wait.
> Like an idiot.
> You had not expected him to lie.
> The next time you see him, he doesn’t say anything about it.
> Not exactly an apology.
> But you understand there are boundaries.
> His engagement is what keeps you from pursuing him.
> Soon, you’re smiling again and so is he
> Kind of.
> He’s more reserved. He’s holding back.
> Weeks pass.
> A month.
> And you see him again at the rec center
> But now she is with him.
> You see him hanging out with her.
> He only spares you a glance.
> Once in a while.
> No more conversations,
> Just a passing, half-hearted smile
> If he feels like it.
> 
> He is in control now,
> He chooses when he wants to be associated with you
> And when now is not the time.
> He calls you one evening
> To see if you will be at the house, with everyone else
> Because he doesn’t feel like drinking
> And you’re the only one there with any common sense.
> You show up
> But he doesn’t.
> This is never brought up in conversation.
> Like it never happened.
> He sees you a few days later
> And chats you up like everything is normal.
> He flatters you, gives you a compliment.
> Then he asks if you’ll be at practice
> Even though it’s a team sport and you don’t play.
> He wants you to be there.
> You say,
> Okay.
> But you leave at the last minute
> Because you start to feel uncomfortable.
> 
> The next chapter introduces another turn of events.
> He has given you up, decided not to be with you
> And encourages his ISTJ teammate to ask you out.
> You give it a go,
> Not realizing ENFJ was behind it.
> You are a little confused about ISTJ because he had a girlfriend a few months ago.
> One of his friends asks you if you have a “thing” for ENFJ.
> You say no, but feel guilty.
> They know you are lying.
> What if he was single?
> But he isn’t, you protest.
> Doesn’t matter, they can see right through you.
> You are not a good liar.
> ISTJ is introduced into the conversation and everyone gets confused.
> You and ISTJ? Nah, they think it’s a joke.
> And they know him better than you do.
> You are embarrassed. And determined.
> Not to get caught up in this whirlwind of emotions.
> Not again.
> And ISTJ talks about him quite a bit
> So you can’t even escape him while on a date with his teammate.
> The two of you don’t really find common ground
> There is no attraction, no familiarity or interest.
> He wants to know all about your date with ISTJ when you see him next.
> He asks you if ISTJ kissed you (no) if he put his arm around you (no) if he called it a date (no… but he did pay…)
> He wants to push you and ISTJ together like cake toppers on a wedding cake.
> That is what it seems like.
> 
> But in the same breath, he says he would date you.
> In the same breath
> He opens the door again.
> He is not done with you.
> He “claimed” you as his, remember?
> But he can’t have you.
> He told you he was engaged.
> You told him your morals.
> And that is why it could never be.
> But he says it would be nice to have you around
> Because you are an eternal ray of sunshine.
> The next time you see him is at the house
> And he’s drunk
> He is making comments about you,
> Derogatory statements and implying things that will never happen
> Between you and ISTJ.
> The night is not turning out like you had hoped.
> And he gets angry at another guy at the party.
> They get into a fight.
> And you go back to the dorm with your roommates.
> 
> You go to the next game
> And just happen to be sitting next to her.
> Without premeditation.
> She was the one who sat beside you, actually.
> And it was funny, because the two of you shared a smile
> Like strangers do
> With seemingly nothing in common
> But a smile.
> He comes around and sits between you.
> You remain quiet and invisible
> While he tells her that if you and she were in a fight, you might
> Win
> But she would win.
> In the end.
> You shut down,
> Trying not to feel it.
> Trying not to feel the rejection as those words fall through you.
> They are only words
> After all.
> 
> You make a choice.
> And distance yourself from everyone.
> But he misses you, perhaps
> Because a few days later, he asks if you’ll be at the next game and when you shrug
> And shake your head,
> (Because telling him the truth is not a viable option in the moment,)
> He becomes disappointed in you.
> He tries to persuade you
> Just a little
> But it doesn’t work.
> He tries to convince you because ISTJ will be at the game
> And besides if you don’t go, then who will he talk to?
> But you don’t go
> Because ISTJ doesn’t flirt with you unless he’s been drinking
> And the situation will only fuel his desire to manipulate it the way he sees fit.
> During the game, he calls you
> To curse you for not going.
> There is agitation in his voice.
> He pretends to call you for another reason, to get a phone number he already has.
> You don’t respond to his anger outwardly, but read off the number anyway.
> When he says thank you,
> He adds, I love you.
> And you hold your breath, because
> You can’t tell if he’s telling the truth.
> He tells someone on his end that you didn’t say it back to him.
> The anonymous person addresses you and tells you to say,
> I love you, in return.
> But you don’t say it.
> Because you can’t.
> So you let out your breath and say nothing until
> There is an awkward goodbye.
> 
> You have not validated him.
> And he is losing the control he once had.
> You hardly speak after that.
> On another outing, ISTJ can’t help but bring him up in conversation.
> You are interested, but you try to hide it
> Because of the phone call.
> You don’t know if he meant it.
> Now you and he say hello in dull tones as you pass by in the rec center,
> And it is as though there is no life left,
> As though there is nothing to say.
> Yet there is everything left to say.
> But the words die in the back of your throat.
> Times passes and eventually
> ISTJ asks you out again.
> This time, you are made painfully aware of how badly matched you are.
> How this will not work.
> You wonder if ISTJ actually likes you.
> ISTJ does not say you’re pretty. He tells you that you’re quiet and hard to get to know.
> So you begin to slide away again, hoping to disappear.
> 
> You pass by him on the sidewalk and he greets you with cool indifference.
> The butterflies are gone, and you feel cold to his attention.
> You cannot forget how he hurt you,
> How with his remarks, he made you feel ugly and out of place.
> He calls one night while you’re in the shower
> And you don’t know about the voicemail he leaves
> Until you plug your phone in to charge for the night.
> The only thing he says is, that’s harsh.
> You want to call him back
> At first.
> But it’s too late at night.
> The next day, you fret about it and decide it can’t be that important.
> If it was, he would call back.
> That is what you tell yourself.
> You tell yourself you can’t talk to him anymore because he might want to talk about
> Why you have stopped seeing ISTJ.
> And you don’t want to discuss ISTJ at all.
> ISTJ is not your boyfriend, yet neither is he.
> But the thought of telling him everything you have been thinking
> For the past eight months is too overwhelming.
> So you decide,
> For the last time
> To let it go.
> Even though it hurts
> And there was so much left unsaid...
> 
> You don’t meet again.
> Not for months.
> You run across him once when he shouts your name through the car window
> As he drives by with a broad smile and a wave.
> He gets married somewhere in between and
> You see him one more time at the rec center
> Where he trains the new team in the winter.
> You both say hello and the ending is:
> Goodbyes are spoken with not much expectation.
> There are a thousand things you want to say,
> But guilt holds your tongue still
> Because now he is married.
> And you should not have wanted him in the first place.
> You look back because you have a feeling of finality,
> As if you know,
> You will not meet again.
> When he says goodbye, you want to know if he will look at you
> And he doesn’t.
> As you leave,
> You want to cry
> But no tears will come.
> And you realize
> There is nothing left.
> There is nothing left.
> There is nothing left. There is nothing left.


*HUGS YOU* My poor soul. I cant imagine how that was.. this was beautifully expressed. I wasnt planning on reading all of it but you got me. How are you feeling right now? are you alright? did you ever call the istj? Did you ever bump into him again? Are you ok?


----------



## LMNOP

I'm finally running into INFP females - about 4 over the past year and I truly like them all for who they are and their unique insight. I don't think I can settle for another type


----------



## inmymind

So far I (INFJ male) only know one confirmed ENFJ female. She is a friend, and we are still new friends, but I really like the person she is, and we seem to have a great chemistry. INFP's are similar to INFJ's so I think both types are a good match for an ENFJ.


----------



## bridges in the sky




----------



## justnits

ThirdArcade said:


> It's been six dates and I found myself an INFP [he took the test ... and yes, he is an INFP]. The connection is just so amazing and intense right now, it even scares me.
> 
> He told me he has never felt so "in sync" with someone & that when we are together it is like the entire world just disappears. He told me that he feels so at peace with me, comfortable, yet intrigued by many expressions and emotions. Said he never felt so understood & it is as if I am reading his mind.
> 
> I have never felt so loved and appreciated by someone in my life. We are so affectionate with each other. He is incredibly patient with me when I nervously babble on and on. He is ready to be with me and he told me this.
> 
> Anyone else experience this with an INFP in such a short time? I am both scared, happy, relieved. Everything. The emotions for the both of us are just so amazing. He understands I've been deeply hurt in the past (he has too) & we are gonna take it slow. Going to build a solid foundation.
> 
> He is quiet, but he said he has never opened like this with anyone and as easily as with me. Wow.





ThirdArcade said:


> It is going excellent! Are relationship is building an amazing foundation. We love to express our feelings for each other through poetry (my preference), through drawings & art (his preference). We enjoy each other's company immensely - print making, eating out, going for walks, holding hands, kisses, making our first terrarium, discovering our world together. He will be meeting my Dad soon & he said he wants to marry me for sure. Wow. It will be our 3rd month anniversary on May 14th


I'm an INFP, currently dating an ENFJ girl.
What you described here is almost identical to my situation, like 99% identical, which prompts me to create an account here to post this.

We got to know each other on April 14, meet up 2 days later, and the rest is history. Everything just syncs in automatically to the point where it scares us sometimes, mostly in a good way that makes you think that _it's too good to be true_.

Being an INFP, I normally keep things to myself, mostly for fear of being labeled as weird or being judged. Talking face to face with her feels natural and I find myself opening up to her so naturally as well. Some darker side of me took a little bit of effort before I could open up, and that is through our questions and answer games. She ask questions about myself, and I took a few moments to think about it before answering. That's about the effort it takes. She makes it possible for me, I don't know how, but she just does it. She wasn't forceful at all, the total opposite in fact, she gives me the freedom to choose to answer it or not. I open up to her where I don't for other people.

I didn't know about the INFP and ENFJ compatibility until a couple of months of knowing each other. (I don't actually know when we started off as couple, but it's easily within 1-2 weeks time frame from the time we know each other.) When I read about it, a lot of things made sense to me now. 

The thought of meeting your partner's parents are quite terrifying, at least for me, but for her, I've never felt more ready and wanting to meet them than I've ever been. The same goes to marriage. We both sometimes do feel that this intensity is insane, and how we both change each other's perspective and thoughts, or rather, enhances them. We are both scared but very excited to embark on this journey together. To a certain extent, the very notion of "finding" her is like winning the biggest lottery of a lifetime. To me, she is the once in a lifetime find.

So ThirdArcade, I hope I answer your question of "_Anyone else experience this with an INFP in such a short time?_" although I'm not an ENFJ, but I think I sort of qualified to answer that as well


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## infpasheck

Hey I would love some advice! This is my first post so I'm not sure if this is the best area to ask this. If there is another thread more fitting please let me know.

I’m a INFP type 2 (25F) and I REALLY like a ENFJ type 3 (23M). We live in different states but I’m moving to the same one in 3 months for work. He is someone who takes on a lot of work to meet his goals which is something I admire about him, but it is proving challenging in getting time to speak with him. 

For a little background when we met it was 2 years ago at a bar. The connection was instant and I never felt something like it before. We locked eyes and it was very intense. I thought about it for weeks. We both however where in relationships at the time and we only talked briefly but friended each other on social media. We didn’t talk again until 8 months ago when we both were single and I decided to reach out. It progressed slowly and we would just primarily have short text conversations. I ended up being near where he lived for only one night 4 months ago and went to see him. We had a VERY strong connection but almost said no words to each other (which during the time made me feel like I was being too boring) but the connection was very obviously there. We ended up hooking up (which is very out of character for me) but it was honestly so amazing and the closeness was like something I’ve never experienced.

Since then we continue to check in on one another ever since. We have told each other we like each other and flirted but it hasn’t progressed as much as I would think it would have. I know being physically present is important and he works a lot but I also feel like I’m putting more effort than he is. Sometimes I will text him and not get replied to for a day or couple days, usually with him apologizing and having an excuse. Or I will share something with him and not get a very long response. Reading more on ENFJs this seems like somewhat normal behavior but I have a hard time not feeling like he’s “not that into me”.

So with all that said my few questions are

If a ENFJ is quiet around you is it a bad thing? When we were around others he was very playful but when we got time alone he was very quiet and I was nervous so I was very quiet which seemed almost awkward. He once in a while would do something like break into song or do something light but we didn’t have any kind of deep conversation. But we had a very strong physical connection.

Could it be that I’m reading it wrong and he isn’t interested in anything other than something sexual and is just still talking to me to be nice? He did say he missed me, often tells me I’m sweet and wanted to spend time together when I did get there but other times he will call me words like “dude” and “pal” that make me ????

Because of how hot and cold he has been though I have also pulled back at times and waited for him to be the one to reach out to me. So I’m not sure if he’s doing it because he’s unsure of my feelings or what. I feel like it’s pretty obvious that I like him though. It seriously is messing with my head! Lol. 

We both still after all this time don’t know THAT much about each other, or at least not as much as I’d like. It’s still very surface level. Should I be the one to try to make the conversation deeper? I have found certain subjects when he is uncomfortable with them he will pass by them quickly. 

Should I give him more space and not be quick to respond if he does the same? I know reaching out to him to show him I care is important but I also don’t want to over burden or be “too much” and not have any amount of mystery. 

Any kind or advice or insight would be appreciated, I have never liked someone in this way before and am very hopeful. Thank you so much!


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