# ESFJ and ENFJ: who is more protective of their children?



## lumostartarus (Apr 1, 2014)

I think it would be the ESFJ because the ENFJ is more abstract and foreseeing so they may focus more on developing their child's independence so their children can become functioning human beings. While the ESFJ may focus more on taking care of their children as much as possible and think less about the consequences.


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## momof2sweethearts (Dec 5, 2014)

I am ESFJ. My husband is ENTJ. I am extremely overprotective of my children but I do want them to be independent. Although, I will always be here to help them if they need it. My husband is very smart and driven. He promotes education and wants them to be successful in life. I definitely have the mama bear in me though and if someone ever messes with my cubs, I will come to their defense.


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## Pinina (Jan 6, 2015)

ESFJ. They're SJ, that's enough. Even an ISTJ would be pretty protective. And no, I didn't say "even" there. That would be just stupid.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

I'm going to say ENFJ. My mother is ridiculously protective and smothering. I would assume ESFJ's are physically protective, whereas ENFJs are protective in more "lifestyle" ways. This protectiveness leads to paranoia, worst-case scenarios, being prepared WAAAAY in advance etc. 

My girlfriend is an ESFJ, no kids, but I can already see her crazy protective maternal side with their dog. She's definitely a dog momma. And as I expected, very physically protective. She will get in with her hands and feet to protect the dog from other dogs. She is concerned about her dog's dressing for the right weather, what time he will eat and poop, that he can't be left for more than a specific time on his own etc.

My own mother is a little less focused on that, and more on the long term effects of habits.


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## Fern (Sep 2, 2012)

ENFJ's are more controlling than they are overprotective.


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## ivanthegypsy (Feb 16, 2015)

Enfj.


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

ENFJs


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## Cbyermen (Nov 28, 2014)

ESFJs.


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## Revolver Ocelot (Feb 25, 2015)

ESFJs are the stereotypical "mother hens" of the MBTI. Very protective of their children, grounded, and down to earth. But I think it's a scary situation if the child is INTx and the parent is ESFJ as there could not be more opposite temperaments. It's possible the parent could believe there is something wrong with their child and put them through therapy and meds. An ENFJ parent would probably understand. If I had to choose between the two I would want an ENFJ parent 10 times out of 10, but to answer the question I'd say ESFJs are more protective because of how here-and-now they are.


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## Amaryllis (Mar 14, 2014)

I think it depends way more on the individual and their life experience than on the type here.


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

ESFJ. 
FeSi is a "nurturing" combination and it can become downright suffocating/smothering at low levels of health.

The focus of an ENFJ is both broader and more ambitious at the same time.
They don't nurture for the sake of it, they're more focused on networking and building their reputation.
An ENFJ has their eyes on the prize, they're likely to be manipulative and power-oriented in subtler ways than an ESFJ's self-victimization, excessive coddling and emotional appeals/whiplash.

I can see an ENFJ being more concerned about their own legacy or the reputation of their children.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

ESFJ hands-down. They are the mother hens. The mother bears. Whatever comparison you want to make. They are very protective of their hatchlings :kitteh:

ENFJ (and Ni in general) is much less controlling ("protective") and more laissaiz-faire on parenting. Wants the kids to think for themselves and make their own choices. They just want to be there to guide them, not to micromanage them.



Hotaru said:


> ESFJ.
> FeSi is a "nurturing" combination and it can become downright suffocating/smothering at low levels of health.


That's absolutely my impression as well. These are your helicopter parents. (SJs in general are probably prone to this, really). 

(But do Si children actually like being micromanaged like that?)


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## Pinina (Jan 6, 2015)

emberfly said:


> But do Si children actually like being micromanaged like that?)


I'll answer this, even though (I think) my mother is an ISFJ. 
No.


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## ayitashia (Nov 16, 2013)

As it so happens, my mom is an ENFJ and my dad a (very unhealthy) ESFJ.
And it's true. My ENFJ mom is more concerned about giving me the tools to be independent in the future, although she's always there for me when needed.
Instead, my ESFJ father used to try to control me at his will, with guilt, verbal violence, making me feel incompetent, and every other horrible way you can think of. He can't do that anymore, because I've learned to protect myself from that. But it drives him crazy that he can't control me anymore (even though I'm 25) so he resources to get offended. And I just let him get offended.


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## nichya (Jul 12, 2014)

My dad (ESFJ)


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## ughitsyou (May 5, 2015)

Fern said:


> ENFJ's are more controlling than they are overprotective.


Yes I would agree because my dad is an ENFJ and he's very controlling. But all ENFJ and ESFJ aren't the same, I would guess. My mom is an ISFJ though, and she is also over controlling, but not as much as dad, they're being controlling because the are overprotective, I would say.


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## Fern (Sep 2, 2012)

ughitsyou said:


> Yes I would agree because my dad is an ENFJ and he's very controlling. But all ENFJ and ESFJ aren't the same, I would guess. My mom is an ISFJ though, and she is also over controlling, but not as much as dad, they're being controlling because the are overprotective, I would say.


Oh, for sure! Every type is capable of protective and controlling traits.

I just think _controlling _suites the ENFJ a little better


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## CupcakesRDaBestBruv (Aug 6, 2013)

Fern said:


> ENFJ's are more controlling than they are overprotective.


I'm not that controlling!


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I think ESFJ is more protective in its literal sense. I think ENFJ tends to be more directive, which could be more smothering depending on the case. My ESFJ mom is very protective but not very directive. An ENFJ mom I know definitely seeks the best for her kids but seems more willing to expose them to difficulty so that they will learn and grow and seems more intent on guiding her kids down a certain path.


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