# Dominant Women and Sub Men: Why Are You a Dom or Sub?



## desert lynx (Apr 11, 2012)

Catwalk said:


> You fish around for some of my post(s) here where I answer more on the psychological end of it.


Thank you for your very thorough post, as usual :smile:
That whole thread gives me a lot to think about...is it bad that the pics of girls all tied up and dressed all slutty were really hot but also made me [embarrassingly] a little jealous?
Mostly now I just feel like I've lived a very sheltered life...think I'm gonna go back to that now :ball:


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## MrSkeptic (Mar 13, 2017)

I'm a male and generally very dominant. However, I am attracted to dominant women. They have a submissive side too, and I find something exciting about witnessing the submissive side of a normally dominant woman.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

desert lynx said:


> Thank you for your very thorough post, as usual :smile:
> That whole thread gives me a lot to think about...is it bad that the pics of girls all tied up and dressed all slutty were really hot but also made me [embarrassingly] a little jealous?


Nope. :bwink:


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## wise (Dec 2, 2016)

The dominant side is the masculine one, the submissive side the feminin one.

If a woman feels feminine when she is dominating then she feels it that way, but the source of the power she regains is in her masculine side. She activate this power to feel like herself = a woman = feminin.(even then if she has a masculine sexual essence = sexually dominant) But why this labels? "Femininity and Masculinity" are only labels. Cause beside of "domination and submission", there is no specific thing that makes you feminine or masculine. The only important thing is that you have to feel like yourself, like a human, doesn't matter you are dominant or submissive.


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## wise (Dec 2, 2016)

wise said:


> Cause beside of "domination and submission", there is no specific thing that makes you feminine or masculine.


And because of that i have to quote myself. What does it mean for a woman who says that she is feeling feminin when she is dominating? I guess it's nothing like submissiveness? That would show there is a total misunderstanding of the labels.


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## Witch of Oreo (Jun 23, 2014)

Because being Dom is boring to me. It gives me power all too easily and drains the excitement of unknown. Making rules and getting what I want as a Dom would leave me mostly unfulfilled rather than the xcitement of being at someone else's mercy.


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

I consider myself to be a switch (leaning towards sub most of the time). What do I get out of being dominant? It's not about feeling feminine or masculine to me. First off, I'll say that I tend to enjoy power struggles in general (no matter the outcome). I love feeling his strength on me and I love exerting my own strength (this may partially be a type 6 thing too). I love the intensity and passion of it. It's arousing for me to be able to dominate that dominant energy of his if that makes sense. I don't think I would enjoy it as much if he was 100% compliant but, I enjoy that too. 


I also see it as a nice release from unresolved emotional stuff in the relationship (obvs not in an abusive way) and probably childhood stuff for me as well. I used to play power games with my dolls as a child as an outlet but as I grew up, I found myself feeling more submissive than anything. What's interesting is that even in my fantasies (and I'm sure this goes for other people) where I'm submissive, I'm still playing the dominant role(s) (where others are dominating me) because when it comes to fantasy, it's still all me and what my own imagination conjures. Which leads me to realize I'm capable of knowing what both roles feel like and I get some sense of joy out of playing both roles. 


For a time I used to think I could only ever enjoy dominating another woman for some reason but over time I found that wasn't the case. After experimenting more, I just found it super liberating to be in a dominant role just as much as a submissive one. Both are really invigorating and liberating in different ways. It's hot to watch him squirm, struggle, "resist" me. I guess it's a bit of a sadistic streak on my part as well, if I'm being honest with myself. But yes, also to worship me. Who wouldn't want that? That just makes me feel desirable which is always going to make me feel sexy and in turn, turned on. Like I said, I don't feel like it has anything to do with feeling masculine or feminine to me. Just the sexual excitement that has always come from power play for me.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

For me being submissive or dominant is neither masculine or feminine- and I don't care about labels. I find it restricting to categorize human traits based on gender sterotypes. Plus, nowadays we are aware that everyone has masculine and feminine sides- animus and anima . So why should one feel out of their gender while doing something stereotypically done by the other sex? As for me, in times I want to be dominant, in other times, submissive. When a guy wants to always see my submissive side, I doubt they are after feeling in control and powerful more than anything else. Anyway, I guess I tend to be sexually dominant more than the average girl.


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## Zeta Neprok (Jul 27, 2010)

I have a friend (well email pen pen pal) who is into BDSM and she said that it's apparently very masculine for men to be the sub. Apparently it's because it's rather unusual for guys to do that, and most wouldn't be comfortable with that because it goes against the norm of being "macho". Having the guts to do that is masculine according to her, and apparently it's a huge turn on. 

That said though, I agree with those that say it's pointless to assign "masculine" and "feminine" to dom or sub because it all depends on how you look at it.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

I don't have a partner nor have participated in any sexual activity. But I think I enjoy all three, mainly switch, dom is exciting, sub is.. relaxing? I've have had fantasies about sub/switch males. I have a few reasons why I like this, but I can say why should a woman have to do everything a man wants (in the bedroom); if he really loved her couldn't he give up his silly ego for some time being.

I just also love seeing guys squirm, and looking all hot and bothered, such a turn on...

I̶'̶m̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶e̶m̶a̶t̶o̶l̶a̶g̶n̶i̶a̶.

Maybe a bit of a power thing too?
I don't know.

I just know I like it.


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## desert lynx (Apr 11, 2012)

TheSonderer said:


> I have a friend (well email pen pen pal) who is into BDSM and she said that it's apparently very masculine for men to be the sub. Apparently it's because it's rather unusual for guys to do that, and most wouldn't be comfortable with that because it goes against the norm of being "macho". Having the guts to do that is masculine according to her, and apparently it's a huge turn on.
> 
> That said though, I agree with those that say it's pointless to assign "masculine" and "feminine" to dom or sub because it all depends on how you look at it.


Everyone seems to have different views on masculinity and femininity. I have a hard time feeling masculine when acting sub, but I can also see where it might seem like it to a female dom. I guess the important thing is that you're both ok with it.


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## Santa Gloss (Feb 23, 2015)

desert lynx said:


> Everyone seems to have different views on masculinity and femininity. I have a hard time feeling masculine when acting sub, but I can also see where it might seem like it to a female dom. I guess the important thing is that you're both ok with it.


What helps you to return to that feeling of masculinity after being submissive? Is there something your partner can do to contribute to that or is it something you have to do on your own?


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## desert lynx (Apr 11, 2012)

Santa Gloss said:


> What helps you to return to that feeling of masculinity after being submissive? Is there something your partner can do to contribute to that or is it something you have to do on your own?


How about pouncing on her like a starved wolf? :mellow:
￼And then go make me a sandwich. Naked. :tongue:
Then sneak up and pounce again during while she's in the kitchen! Haha, kidding (though that does sounds fun).

After sex i usually just want to cuddle and rest and admire the view. Feeling masculine or feminine is just a temporary thing to me...Just like standing up for your girl makes you feel like a man in the moment. Normally it's not on my mind. I don't even think it's necessarily bad, just very out of your normal comfort zone (welcome to being a sub). I think the important thing for subs is that no matter what depraved, humiliating thing we've let a dom do to us, we still know afterwards that they love and respect us. So to answer your question, I don't need to do anything. I always know I'm her man and I'm comfortable with myself.


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## Professor Plum (Apr 14, 2017)




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## TypicalINFP (Dec 19, 2020)

Catwalk said:


> (Post #1) is elaborating on ("dominants") within vanilla-type relation(s), so I do not much consider my post that in one of BDSM - but rather expound(s) on my "dominant" side with _vanilla relationships_ with differ(s) from my relations with a _sub-male._ I generally do not intersect the two [BDSM within vanilla relation(s)].
> 
> And, no. It is a personal / _private hobby_ [not profession] of mine. I am consider myself a "mix" between (Domme/Mistress/Fem-dom); since I am not static in one. Not a _dominatrix_ by far. The terminology range(s), but I enjoyed being called thing(s) from "goddess" to "mommy" on various occasion. As well as worship of my femininity; body, et al (&) the likes. Although, it should be noted I also recognize the "sub" as having a_ dominant position_ demanding servitude from myself, on my behalf -- while I am classified as such.
> 
> ...


Wow, I love the way you describe the dynamics of a mutually d/s power couple relationship - that sounds exactly like what I want. It makes sense to me that Keirsey wrote about the ENTJ INFP pair being the most compatible types for the reasons you describe.
I love ENTJ women (or the idea of them, since they are so rare) bc they seem to dominate society and are normally in positions of power and I like the idea of starting in a natural position of subservience to the raw power and influence of an ENTJ goddess.

I do not like the tired dynamics of gender and the concept of one partner bottoming while the other one tops seems false bc any act of penetration is a power exchange between partners, like you mentioned. I do like messing with gender roles when I am dominated, but also do not like the strict, repetitive roles of d/s either.
But if I was forced to put myself in a category I would say I’m a sub. However, I find it very difficult to find the right domme who gives me more of the mindfuk aspects I desire with d/s play. As an INFP male sub, I feel like I have never had a partner who I naturally desired to treat like a goddess and I felt they didn’t dom me the right way so I just gave up exploring my subby urges with them. I just need to find an ENTJ goddess one of these days 
This is also an interesting article about how ENTJs have more of a dominating side and INFPs have more submissive tendencies:









Here's How Dominant You Are, Based on Your Personality Type


I get a lot of random questions from people here at Psychology Junkie, but one of the most frequent and surprising questions to me lately is how dominant or assertive each personality type is. While every individual has their own unique differences that are totally unrelated to type, I think...



www.psychologyjunkie.com


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I think some people get an erotic thrill out of playing games with power. The real question is, who really has the most power, the dom, or the sub?


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## TypicalINFP (Dec 19, 2020)

🤔 Hopefully both feel powerful in their role. I would say the most experienced, observant, intuitive, and intelligent play partner has more of the power.

“Everything in the World is about sex - except sex. Sex is about power.”
- Oscar Wilde


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## Glittris (May 15, 2020)

Masculine or feminine attributes? Just stereotypes..., even heard of feminine dominance?... As in cuddling, to get that "masculinity" into begging for more.

I do not mind being a sub. I am already in control of myself, but can you control me?

Giving up control is the ultimate test if you have control or not.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

I have dominated before. He was not cut out for the reverse. I am open to all sorts of things but, limiting it to a necessity of an overall life style for them to get off and that is the only way for them to get off...not my thing. I like a mix of everything. A no go - spitting or coprophilia. I had a guy spit on my V while going down on me and that just turned me off. Spitting in general turns me off. I do not understand why it is so promoted in porn. To each their own just not my thing.


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## TypicalINFP (Dec 19, 2020)

That seems like a weird move with the vag spat, lol. I normally like swapping spit, but the act of hawking a loogy in someone’s face (or gennies) is disgusting to me as well - especially in COVID times. I am also not into pain, bruising, humiliation, etc., and other stereotypical elements of sub/masochist activities. But I do like restriction, and a strong, tall, successful partner, and other “powerful” traits in a partner,.

I would call it sub dominance when one partner offers to be subservient in such a forceful way, that they end up topping from the bottom. I once had another fellow INFP girlfriend and she basically worshiped me and thought I was so amazing and she couldn’t live without me - although we did not have a BDSM relationship or engage in BDSM play. Her subservience and emotional dominance made it tortuous to break up with her.

I take masculine and feminine out of the equation, since patriarchy, and the concept of one gender being stronger, has dominated society’s concept of masculine/feminine. I think some gynarchy is needed to help heal society, maybe. Mostly, I think it is helpful to observe, dissect, and fuk with dominant/subservient elements in our relationships.


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