# Where to Let Out Negative Emotions?



## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

Where is a good place to express negative emotions? Sometimes it feels like I should tell someone these negative thoughts/emotions, but often I find it back-fires or people get all quiet. 

To me, I guess, if I try to ignore these negative things, but that just kind of make it worse at times...Is there a healthy constructive way to deal with negative thought patterns, jealousy, guilt, and inadequacies? I know of a few ways at times, but they just don't do any good all the time. Religion and knowing that as a human being, I guess we're flawed by design used to help me...having the little blind faith at the time....and believing. Filtering, rationalizing, etc is another thing...even NLP. 

Sometimes these negative thoughts and insecurities just come in out of nowhere, and I guess it's good to acknowledge them at least maybe out loud with the right person. They are really nasty emotion reactions at times....like jealousy or just a strong dislike.


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

Do you write? It helps a lot. Therapist even recomment it sometimes, it's a good way to let them out without saying a word in the case you don't have any closer friend to tell it, or like you said, you don't feel they give you the feedback you want.

I am more of talking about those emotiones because while I do it, and analize the whole thing to try to understand the nature of those feelings. Maybe you can do it alone, out loud, yes, it sounds crazy but it sometimes helps.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

I would avoid using other people for your emotional troubles. For example, when sad/lonely don't reach out and have somebody "save" you from that. Just feel it. Cry about it. Write about it. Feel it some more. When angry, don't be angry at other people. Use the anger for production (exercise, work, solving problems). Just stop your instinctual reaction and savor the negative feeling. Stop thinking about it and feel it. Don't be afraid of feeling bad. You won't die. It'll make you feel so much more alive too.


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

I can relate to a lot of this, I thought "Fe-dom" as soon as I read the title and I wasn't wrong. Sometimes it gets hard when negativity piles up and you don't want to be the one to bring it up, you want to hide it all away or have people read your mind as if it was obvious, although the only obvious things might be your facial expressions and overall attitude. I see you're a type 6 which makes it somehow harder to open up due to how hard it is to trust people and the "irrational" drive of your own upset or angry feelings, the uncertainty of their nature. Maybe I'm wrong and you're one of those posters who change their types for fun but my advice still stands and it's... find someone who you trust, you feel like understands you and be open with them, don't be vague, don't pretend it's all ok just to be extremely standoffish or irritated, trust me it does more harm than good. Sometimes we just need someone to take away our own problems, even though asking or that kind of vulnerability might not be something we're comfortable with. If you can't, try to take some time off; sleep, distract yourself, watch a movie, listen to music, work, focus on anything that will help you ease your mind into a blanker state. I hope you feel better soon and that all of these feelings go away, usually surrounding yourself with positive people or getting plenty of attention really works for me but you might be different (or your situation might be) and you gotta make the best with what you've got. When life gives you lemons... well, lemonade is refreshing, isn't it?  Good luck!


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## sarek (May 20, 2010)

Self awareness is a great tool when dealing with negative emotions. This will help you see your thoughts and feelings for what they really are.
It is generally not a good idea to share bad feelings with others as that would normally only pass on the pain to another person. The only exception to this is if the sharing can bring the solution or transformation of the pain closer and if the other person is sufficiently self aware to be able to assist with this.


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

Thanks! I like all the advice so far, I appreciate it! 

I need to remember as well that anger isn't always a negative emotion as well, but there's a lot of kind of emotions that don't really do any good. It's good to use constructive actions from negativity to motivate oneself to improve. If one doesn't feel good enough or feels jealous of someone who is just more likable. 

Also, as a 6, I need to remember to take one step at a time, and not get overwhelmed by it all. Also, we tend to project our insecurities unto to other people and blame them. We can be judgemental and a bit too reserved and slow to trust at times. 

Writing is a good idea too to see that these emotions can pass and it can be legitimate to feel a certain way, but it can be reversed and thought out into a better plan that will help bring people together rather than divide. 

I am not really the type to change my type for fun, but I have done it because the cognitive functions are difficult to define at times. I am probably a more serious person than fun a lot of the time, but fun is good too. 

Luckily too, I do have a friend that I feel I can vent to without being a total drag, so that definitely helps in a large way. Though there have been times where I have went too far with others with a destructive and pessimistic attitude, and it's something that I don't want to continue on because there is a limit for what people are willing to deal with. I could have used my emotions/energy in a better way instead of complaining and feeling bad about myself.


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## sittapygmaea (Aug 24, 2014)

Quite a diversity of opinions here! As with most things, you have to find the outlets that work best for you. There is probably no one solution for everyone. I've personally found it helpful to have a variety of outlets for negative emotions. 

In the purge the poison vein:

-good to have a few friends/family/therapist who can hear your negativity and talk about it, especially if you are one who likes to talk things through. I think it's important to be aware of people's limits/not overloading them. And pay close attention: sometimes people will seem amenable to hearing this but actually feel resentful.

- I second (or 4th) the helpfulness of writing negative thoughts and feelings out. It gives me a sense of perspective and control. 

- have you used the 'venting' threads for your types on PerC? They can be very useful for this kind of thing. And also helpful to read and see you are not alone in having these thoughts. 

- be creative: voodoo dolls? talking to your cat? punching bags? yelling in your pillow? chasing pigeons? sometimes absurdity can be shockingly effective.

In the make lemonade vein:

- use your negativity to fuel art: music, writing, painting, etc..

- I think it can be really useful motivator for exercise. I often run when I'm disturbed, and give myself the permission to just 'rant' (silently) as I run. This helps keep me jogging and I usually kind of tire my body and expend my emotions in parallel track. By the time I stop I feel exorcised.


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

@sittapygmaea



> - have you used the 'venting' threads for your types on PerC? They can be very useful for this kind of thing. And also helpful to read and see you are not alone in having these thoughts.


Yes, I have a bit, and they can be useful. It's a feeling of elation when I agree with some of the venters. Though, sometimes, I feel I could be like someone is venting about, and then I feel guilty...but I just gotta realize that it probably isn't me, and also: I can be a jackass in others' perception at times... Maybe it'd be a good thing for me to do once a week or something...like a healthy weekly festivist (hopefully that Seinfeld reference makes sense). Grievances and anger let out in a slightly safe way. 



> - use your negativity to fuel art: music, writing, painting, etc..


Absolutely. That's some of the best kind! INTENSE


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

i do it right here, all the time! you should read some of my depraved writings...


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

I just went to a support group this week at a church, and the way they put it is that it's essential to admit your negative emotions and hurts in the small groups to the other participants in your group...honestly! Though it's safe to do it in a context like this, and it could be a good thing for me. It probably isn't usually beneficial to do this to your parents, to friends, or your spouse/partner. I definitely turn to certain unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms as well that create more guilt and shame when I do them and deny my emotions or avoid them. Sometimes I just avoid people as well out of fear/anxiety. It was interesting to hear of other peoples' fears, discomforts, wrong-doings and hurt. It made me feel less alone. It seems like most people are trying to hide their short-comings all the time.


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## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

Slogo said:


> Where is a good place to express negative emotions? Sometimes it feels like I should tell someone these negative thoughts/emotions, but often I find it back-fires or people get all quiet.


I thought this way once, but realize that you are thinking about _them_ here, instead of yourself. Expressing your emotions in a healthy way isn't about keeping other people happy - it's about keeping you healthy and happy. 

Sometimes expressing your emotions to someone is going to mean that they express negative emotions back at you. And sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that. I have had shouting matches with friends or family that devolve into little more than energy released and a bit better understanding of where we're coming at each other from. I have also had shouting matches that get incredibly personal and are like a nuclear bomb going off. 

Here's the interesting part: In memory, the latter is something that almost invariably happened when I was repressing my emotions and letting things build up inside. Nowadays, the former is almost exclusively what happens if things get heated: Negative start, positive end. Instead of negative start, negative end.


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

LostFavor said:


> I thought this way once, but realize that you are thinking about _them_ here, instead of yourself. Expressing your emotions in a healthy way isn't about keeping other people happy - it's about keeping you healthy and happy.
> 
> Sometimes expressing your emotions to someone is going to mean that they express negative emotions back at you. And sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that. I have had shouting matches with friends or family that devolve into little more than energy released and a bit better understanding of where we're coming at each other from. I have also had shouting matches that get incredibly personal and are like a nuclear bomb going off.
> 
> Here's the interesting part: In memory, the latter is something that almost invariably happened when I was repressing my emotions and letting things build up inside. Nowadays, the former is almost exclusively what happens if things get heated: Negative start, positive end. Instead of negative start, negative end.


Love this man...thanks...I've felt a similar experience recently...maybe a few times in the past few weeks. What I was saying was quite negative, angry, sad, and/or uncertain at times. Or I complain because I feel like I am being judged or trying to fit in where I can't really even fit in in a genuine way. But, it felt good to let it out and be honest about it rather than lying or letting it go. It's not always bad to feel this way and to let people know how you feel. 

Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty for letting myself go or blow up a bit every once in a while. I feel awful or give up when I don't at all.


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## 66393 (Oct 17, 2013)

https://www.7cupsoftea.com/

I find this site helpful when I'm feeling extra depressed


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## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

Slogo said:


> Love this man...thanks...I've felt a similar experience recently...maybe a few times in the past few weeks. What I was saying was quite negative, angry, sad, and/or uncertain at times. Or I complain because I feel like I am being judged or trying to fit in where I can't really even fit in in a genuine way. But, it felt good to let it out and be honest about it rather than lying or letting it go. It's not always bad to feel this way and to let people know how you feel.
> 
> Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty for letting myself go or blow up a bit every once in a while. I feel awful or give up when I don't at all.


Glad to hear you're having some positive experiences with it. :happy:

And yes, I would say treat the guilt like any other case of guilt; try to check yourself when you notice it as a reflex and ask whether it's warranted in each situation. In some situations, you might feel it's necessary to apologize to the other party, or to have a calm talk with them about what went down. In others, you might decide that no action or guilt is warranted and you were just standing up for yourself (or whatever the case may be).

That way, if you've handled the guilt in a situation and you find yourself returning to that situation in your mind to feel guilty, you can stop yourself and kind of say, "Ok, I've handled this. I did XYZ, I assessed it, I have acted in line with my values."

If you feel like doing some research, there is great material freely available on what they call "self-compassion." I highly recommend it if you find the time: Self-compassion - A Healthier Way of Relating to Yourself

The TEDx talk is a great introduction to the concept, though it is a bit long: 




Good luck!


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