# Five Ways to make Five different girls scream



## TempusFugit (Feb 26, 2010)

I wrote this on this bus today...hope someone likes it. 



1. High Maintenance Gal Scream
Tell her in your sexiest voice that her latest hair coloring treatment didn't work out so well and that her blonde highlights actually look a little orange in sunlight. In addition, you may want to mention that you've lost your job and will no longer be able to provide her with the finest frippery available to man. She'll just have to make do with the real you. Cover your ears - glass will break with her shrill scream, and she'll leave tire marks getting out of your front door.


2. Sexy as Hell Gal Scream
She wears the hottest leather and lace to the bedroom, and makes you breathe hot and heavy with a glance from her sultry come fuck me eyes. If you want to hear this hottie scream, put your 6 inches away and tell her she's gained a few. Her wail of desperate fear will make all the neighborhood dogs howl in sync. Evil laugh when you tell her that Sally Sue from work showed you her garter today.


3. College Drunk as Hell Gal Scream
Pour another jagerbomb down her throat and listen to her gurgle. When she sits upright and then projectile vomits all over your nice leather sofa, be sure to hold her hair, she'll find that sexy. Rub her back, her sides, then lean in and say "there's no more beer." She scream like a banshee who just realized someone poured rosepetals over her grave. Cover your ears or you'll go deaf.


4. Treehugger gal Scream
Wear a leather loincloth and leave all the lights on and turn the heat up on high, and leave the water running in the bathroom. She weep till dawn and make these sad little puppy noises.


5. Angry bitter gal Scream
The one you wanna bed with so much force, because you think you're the one who can turn her around. Drown her in romance and sweetness, be the man she's always wanted. Be true to her for months on end, buy the ring that glitters more than the sun on a hot July afternoon. Ask her to marry you on a park bench with flowers and birds, and other woodland creatures running about - and she'll scream in pure happy. (not the ending you thought, huh?)


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## Selene (Aug 2, 2009)

That's even more hilarious because you wrote it on the bus. Like, were you just looking around at people and thinking, "Oh yeah, that bitch would scream like this. Yes...yes! [lightbulbs going off] It all makes sense now!"


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Lol @ 3.

Hey Selene, glad to see you're back.


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## selchiechildofcassandra (Feb 23, 2010)

Ahahaha. I liked it.


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## Marco Antonio (Nov 25, 2008)

You seem to have an useful way of thinking, i'm thinking on ways of how you could be useful for plotting; do you like plotting?


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## twisted4000 (Mar 31, 2010)

LOL this was too good man. keep up the good work


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

Awesome job. Very creative


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## Zugzwang (Aug 21, 2010)

Or a huge butcher knife. That also makes boys scream like girls.


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## Sagal Abdullahi Haji (Jun 6, 2011)

LOL the one that would make me scream is 5 XD overall this is funny


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## projectGavy (Apr 28, 2013)

thats cute especially the last one


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