# What would INFJs with So-Sp or Sp-So look like?



## guacamolefairy (Jun 26, 2017)

I met an INFJ a month or so ago that I'm going to begin dating/getting to know a ton more soon, and I think they're So-Sp. (Note: think. I can't know.)

I'm used to Sx first or second people, and I have strong Sx myself. I'm, also, just not used to Fe in men. So that's new. Pleasant, and new. (_Oooo, something newww for me an ENFP to figure out, only to run away from them after I've figured them all out ooo_ */sarcastic font/* )

Haha, on a serious note, the idea of this thread for me, is just to ask a few questions to get some information to assist me, as I develop a general picture of how things *could* look between me (a person with strong Sx) and an Sx blind.
(Answer any or all questions at your leisure) 

1. Have any of you (Sp first, Sx first, So first, whoever) ever felt like something was missing if you've been in a relationship or friendship with an Sx blind? (WHETHER or not you think this particular emotion you had about that was "wrong" to feel, or could potentially be wrong.)

2. How could you tell if an INFJ, specifically, is an Sx? Fe can be a so very extra-personal cares-what-people-think, so I feel like NFJs tend towards So a looot. (Maybe I'm wrong?)

3. What would an INFJ with Sp-So look like?

4. What would an INFJ with So-Sp look like?

5. What makes the INFJs with the instinctual variants above look different, than INFJs with Sx in their first two slots?

6. Also, how about pros of So-Sps? I feel like Sx firsts are always hyped to be so amazing, in various ways. I never see bad stuff about Sx firsts, but I see "bad stuff" about So's.

Also, disclaimer: I realize typing people and trying to *legitimately* figure out their actual variants and personality preferences, is relatively impossible - so I could be wrong entirely about my person in question's variants, unless they were to verify their variants for me themselves. (Which they have not.) So that's not what I'm trying to do here.
(And honestly dating/getting to know a person is the best way you can figure out if they're good for you, not what variants they have, so I don't put all of my weight on all of this.)

Really, I just simply don't see a ton about So INFJs and Sp INFJs, surprisingly, on the Internet. So I don't know what they're like, and I want a rough picture of what they're like. That's the point of all of this :kitteh:
And, I don't know of any books or chapters in books on (theoretical) correlation between the two separate subject matters of MBTI and Instinctual Variants, (off the top of my head, that is.) Are there even such thing? Haven't looked. (If there are any you know of off the top your head, please let me know)
Thanks for any and all feedback ��


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## Santa Gloss (Feb 23, 2015)

*NFJs and enneagram instincts.*

I went somewhat off-topic by discussing ENFJs as well, but I think you will still find the post relevant because there's enough INFJ stuff there. 

Both SO xNFJs and SX xNFJs feel empathy for groups and people. But SO xNFJs feel significantly more empathy for certain groups (and take action in that area) whereas SX xNFJs are significantly better at one-on-one empathy (and take action in that area). Their "actions" could range from reading a lot about the topic to writing long posts online to actively pushing for improvement. 

*SX xNFJs* will focus on healing people's hearts and souls. They want you to spill your guts so they can (1) know your secrets and (2) they can fix you with their perspective and their empathy. At their healthiest, they leave you in a much better place than you were when you met them. Within an hour of meeting a stranger, the stranger could be transformed. It's crazy (in a cool way) when you watch it happen. 

An SX INFJ said to me that when she sees people brimming with hidden anger (especially loners), she gets them to open up so that they feel heard. When they feel heard, they realize that the world is not such a bad place, after all. Then she places the right insights into their minds with surgical precision to redirect them towards a more healthy mindset. Years later, a few of them have run into her and said something like, "I am so glad I met you that day. I was so hopeless, angry and contemplating suicide. That conversation changed my life." That's an example of actively healing one-on-one. Another SX ENFJ I know volunteers by visiting the homes of people who have horrible diseases to inspire them to keep fighting. All that being said, it's not like SX NFJs do this 24/7. But they do it often enough that you notice it, especially if you have once been on the receiving end of it. 

At their unhealthiest, they're talented at screwing up their relationships in ways normal people can't imagine. The stuff I've seen shocks me. The thing I want to say them at such a point in their life is:


INFJ SX: "don't let your paranoia and crazy reasoning affect your relationships (romantic, work or platonic) or your own mental health. Focus on why you entered the relationship. Focus on what your partner brings to your relationship. Show how much you appreciate them. See if the relationship still works for you. If it doesn't, then quit the relationship but don't ruin your partner's life with endless drama, please." Same thing applies to work relationships too.
ENFJ SX: "don't let you desire for experiencing batshit crazy stuff affect your relationships (romantic, work or platonic) or your physical health. Spare your partner and your friends, please. Go to therapy when you need it instead of expecting your support system to cheer on unhealthy behavior."

*SO xNFJs.* In my experience, their Fe is often directed towards social dynamics. They might not necessarily be stereotypically social (they might even lack social skills!), but they study/research the dynamics to understand the world better. They want groups they care about to heal from past/current hurts. Sometimes, they have almost no interaction with those groups but they're still aware of their pain and want to fix it (or want someone else to fix it). At their healthiest, they have a healing impact on a larger audience. That audience could range from a classroom of at-risk kids to a niche group of readers to an entire nation. When this part of them goes into overdrive for years or decades, they end up in the limelight. 

Of course, SO-first NFJs feel empathy for their loved ones and random people, but they don't put in effort into healing individuals. They listen to and care for individuals - and so you might open up a lot to them - but compared to SX NFJs, they don't _actively _do anything with it. I hope the difference is being represented clearly by my SX examples earlier. All that being said, I don't know how their empathy manifests in relationships because people behave differently there, you know? They might channel their healing energy towards their significant other even if they don't do it towards other loved ones. If they're SO/SX or SX/SO, that might make a difference too, right? 

At their unhealthiest:


INFJ SO: 
What they do: they worry about social situations in ways that won't make sense to anyone but them. Occasionally they're right but they're often wrong. This is especially true if they have minimal interaction with the outside world or forget to fact-check their imagination.
What they should do:  (1) focus on your big projects and (2) realize that the world is going to have at least a few negative opinions about you. That's just how it works. If you want your projects to have an impact on people, people will comment. So what if some of them think something negative about you? That's their problem, not yours.

ENFJ SO
What they do: They either (1) overshare their feelings indiscriminately, (2) overshare an endless series of memes and quizzes or (3) overshare their feelings on politics. They make themselves look incompetent at keeping their mouth shut by shining a bad light on themselves.
What they should do: That SO instinct can be channeled productively. Write that book or sign up as a guest speaker. Go inspire people at a support group. Make that short movie or pilot episode you've always talked about. Start your YouTube channel. Teach people dance or something else you like. Combine that ENFJ ability to inspire with existing skills/talents and seek out social situation where you can share both on a regular basis. That will boost your confidence. At that point, if you're sharing your _activities _too much, it's fine because at least it will shine a positive light on you and remind people what you're good at. Hey, people may even hire you as a result. Like that guy Eric Thomas on YouTube.


*SP xNFJs.* Idk much about INFJ SP first, but I've noticed that INFJ SP second are often focused on SP matters. Sometimes, they're focused on their body. Other times, they might be focused on finances and home decoration. The topics can vary.


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## guacamolefairy (Jun 26, 2017)

Thanks Santa Gloss! I think I may actually prefer an SO or SP over SX, because (while this can be a downfall, and probably is) I don't like people trying to fix me/tell me why I have to feel stupid that I'm hurting about something. I'm sort of 8ish in the sense that I tend towards resisting unasked for advice. 

I like to find my own definitions for my own feelings and issues (and I guess most people do, but I do nonetheless) and work out my feelings inside 
So SO or SP would be perfect for me 
They don't freak out if feel a circumstantial bad emotion, they just listen


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## iblameyou (Oct 1, 2016)

*1. Have any of you (Sp first, Sx first, So first, whoever) ever felt like something was missing if you've been in a relationship or friendship with an Sx blind? (WHETHER or not you think this particular emotion you had about that was "wrong" to feel, or could potentially be wrong.)* INFJ SX-dom. I recently got more into enneagram so I don't know much; however, my SX desires to consume that person I put my time and energy in. My friend is a SO-blind but he's got SX in there. Caring asshole (really) but can't stand my SX-dom because his SP-dom, surprisingly for an extrovert who shares a lot, says "I'm invasive and need to back off". Personally, I see my sx-dom saying "I desire to connect with you that's why I'm asking". 

*2. How could you tell if an INFJ, specifically, is an Sx? Fe can be a so very extra-personal cares-what-people-think, so I feel like NFJs tend towards So a looot. (Maybe I'm wrong?)* Speaking for myself, I focus one-on-one relationships over group. Fe likes group but _I think_ my sx recognizes people and connects with them. I'm all or nothing, so if I like you and we connect, I will share myself with you. Sometimes too much, sometimes too little. Trouble with that. 

*3. What would an INFJ with Sp-So look like?* I only know one person and they're a 4. Very reserved and private. If you value their relationship you'll wait patiently. I'm a 9 so I don't have a problem with it but my sx does at times. I don't believe in prying but I also don't believe that I should share myself while you withhold yourself from me. It's more like "hide and go seek me" game which I feel there is a lack of distrust. Maybe that's their way of saying "can I trust you?". _shrugs_


*5. What makes the INFJs with the instinctual variants above look different, than INFJs with Sx in their first two slots?*Hmm, I'm not really sure but my guess is different priority on how they want to conserve or use their energy?


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

guacamolefairy said:


> I don't like people trying to fix me


Then what are you doing with an INFJ?

:wink:



... _I_ think I'm funny


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## guacamolefairy (Jun 26, 2017)

periwinklepromise said:


> Then what are you doing with an INFJ?
> 
> :wink:
> 
> ...


Eh, yeah, touchè. Touchè. 
Suppose it depends if they actually understand and care and are trying to fix/nurture me - or if they're attempts to help are selfish based. Like, if it isn't based on altruism- I.e. , they're just trying to make themselves feel good by "helping" or telling others how to feel. 

Know what I mean? 
But I suppose any INFJ of any instinctual variant, or any person of that matter, can do both of those things. 

Thanks for helping me think.
😃


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## piscesfish (Nov 30, 2013)

Hi. I'm an INFJ 1w2 sp/so. But I'm finding your questions quite tricky to answer! I'll try to give as much input as I can, but please feel free to ask me anything else if you're curious about my POV.

It's very difficult for me to determine other people's instinctual variants. I type by intuitive vibe, and the only gist I get regarding variants are that Sx firsts have "love me or hate me" STRONG personalities, while Sx-lasts are quite neutral and agreeable. To me, that's the biggest difference between the two.

As an sp/so, my first priority is my own comfort and security. I'm not aloof by any means, but even the slightest discomforts cause me to shrink into myself. Because of my Sp-first (and, likely, my HSP tendencies) I need to feel wholly comfortable and safe before I can reach out to the rest of the world. And my So-second pushes me to do so; I love connecting with groups of people and finding my place in the world. Sx-last means for a very long time, I had no desire to connect with others romantically, take part in risky activities, or feel any sort of intensity in my life. It took forever for me to finally warm up to these things, because, as an Sp/So, I had to feel COMFORTABLE in order to want them.

There are plenty of pros to being sp/so. I'm very responsible and I keep myself in check. I don't need crazy experiences to feel joy; on the contrary, I feel most happy under insignificant, mundane circumstances. I love the little things in life. I value myself above everything else, which means I know my worth. And I rarely, if ever, make enemies.


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