# My INTP disillusionment



## DualGnosis (Apr 6, 2013)

When I first learned what the INTP was (stereotypically) about, I thought to myself, "Are there people seriously like this? They must be so smart!"

What I read was Keirsey's description of the Architect. When I took the test all it told me was that I was in the NT Temperament and it didn't actually reveal what my type was. A few years later the site finally revealed it and, to my surprise, I was categorized as the type I admired the most. I found it strange however because I thought I was more like the other 3 NT types at the time. But as I delved deeper into understanding what an INTP was, it really became clear that, at least to me, this is me. Each description I read felt like I was reading a biography of my life.

That is not to say I don't feel any resemblances of the other types:

ENTP
ISTP
INTJ
ENTJ

These 4 (in that order) are the types I can relate to the most (aside from INTP), but that instinctual gut feeling you get when you know this is the one, is the same way I feel about the description about the INTP.

Though even among my type I might be considered unusual. I'm an Enneagram 7 and ILE in socionics. These types are more typical of the ENTP but regardless of typicality I accept this as simply just what describes me. I tested as a 7 and I find myself relating to it just as much as 5, but I guess my sense of curiosity is stronger than simply analyzing what's already there, which is why I tested strongly for 7. ILE, there seems to be a good number of INTP ILEs. Einstein for example. So I don't worry too much.

In all honesty, I'm sure there's not a single INTP out there who doesn't feel the slight ego boost of being labelled the "special" type, the widely claimed, "smartest" of all the types. Prestigious titles generally give you a sense of self-worth and the fact that INTPs are so rare gives it a feel of being even more special. 

But for all it's worth, being an INTP has more than it's share of personal challenges that make it obvious why so few people are labelled as such. The world of the INTP, from my experience, is a lonely one filled with frustration and disappointment but at the same time, filled with endless wonder and pondering of what could be. I see this world filled with so much potential and so much to learn from, but I often I feel like I'm the only one who thinks so. When I talk with friends or family about anything remotely close to what truly interests me, no one either seems to care or they can't find a way to relate. There are some occasions of course when I find a subject of mutual interest, but those are so the rare exceptions and in very small numbers. The price I pay with prizing independence and unconventional approaches on life is this deep and forever lingering loneliness. It used to bother me that I could hardly relate to anyone, but I've gotten used to it and adapted for the most part.

What does bother me, however, is the notion of other INTPs (online) being just as apathetic or distant as the people in my life. Perhaps I've always longed for a place to belong, and when I learned that there were people on the internet with the same personality type as I do it gave me a sense of belonging. With this came expectations however, and the more I hung around other INTPs the more I realized that even though we share viewpoints on life, these people were just as different from me than anyone else. It gradually hit me that they didn't have the same interests as I did, nor did any of them really care about my interests. It was disappointing but I knew I should have expected this. 

Perhaps its just typical INTP apathy and lack of attention towards things that don't interest them, or perhaps, I simply, but incorrectly idealized a sense of unity with a group of people who were nothing but mere individuals that log on to this forum. Regardless, I realized my mistake and I guess I'll just have to look elsewhere...

I often wonder if I'll ever find a place or a group that I could truly feel I belong. But I know that this is the life I live because of who I am, and honestly I wouldn't have it any other way.


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## MelodyGirl (Dec 18, 2010)

DG, can you tell me what socionics is, and how it relates to your ILE? "Socionics" is something I'm completely unfamiliar with. I'm vaguely aware of Enneagram, and I don't fit any specific Enneagram type, so I don't like it that much.


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## realbigcheeks (May 24, 2017)

well put. this I relate to.


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