# Why the hell are all the attractive people on here single?



## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

loving2011 said:


> Antipode-are you single and why?


I've been waiting for you, my dear.


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## FakeLefty (Aug 19, 2013)

Antipode said:


> I've been waiting for you, my dear.


Smooth. Real smooth. (not sarcasm)


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Antipode said:


> I've been waiting for you, my dear.


 Now, that's seductive!


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

FakeLefty said:


> Smooth. Real smooth. (not sarcasm)


I prepared myself all year for that moment.


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## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

... you think this thread is about you, dont you, dont yooooouu......

sigh, there's so many forums gifs that should exist that don't. GODAMN INTPs, get on that k?


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

noz said:


> ... you think this thread is about you, dont you, dont yooooouu......
> 
> sigh, there's so many forums gifs that should exist that don't. GODAMN INTPs, get on that k?


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Most of Generation Y have bizarre exaggerated ideas of perfect love, and usually instead of rationally saying "I will only go out with relationship oriented or marriage minded people" they gamble through a hook up culture that revolves around the idea of desire rather than love, which almost always necessitates that the one or both parties are actually just looking to hook up....a lot of guys, who sometimes refer to themselves as PUA, take advantage of this phenomenon, that women and girls actually think they can find a relationship oriented man via the hook up culture. Of course it's all utterly absurd, a relationship requires two adults both being relationship ready, you don't just keep fucking people hoping someone will eventually magically click and live happily ever after.

So you will see a lot of attractive single people making this mistake extremely commonly.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I was single all of high school (and highly sought after at that time), I loved being single.

When I was 17 I started dating a guy we had child together and dated for about 2 and a half years. 

I was single then from age 19-20

Then I met my ex husband at 20 we dated two years. I married him when I was 22. We had a yours mine & ours family. When I was 29 I left.

So I have been single almost two years.
At least what I consider to be single. Did I have a few guys I dated exclusive briefly, yes but nothing that lasted long term. 

Anyways I personally consider myself at least decent looking. And no I do not think I have any big mental disorders preventing me from relationships. I think I am suffering from depression but that would probably be because in the last year my dad passed away, I lost all my furniture and life possessions in a total loss apartment fire and had to start from scratch, and I took on a very exhausting middle management job where I play baby sitter to several women daily & mentally get the crap beat out of me. So I think I am single because I am completely worn out and it shows. I am not in a place to offer someone what they need. I am struggling to ever muster up the energy anymore to see the point in caring about anything other then that I have daughters to support & love. So am I a crazy crack pot, nope, actually pretty well adjusted usually. But yeah I am probably an emotional retard right now. I think when people are in extreme lows its not good to look to others and bring them down too. And I don't want someone as low as me right now. I am not in anyways concerned as I know myself and have come out off suck fests before but I hate the transition of coming out of a funk. Would rather share the best of me with someone.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Probably because a lot of people on this site spend way too much time inside their room? I know I do. Work. Home. Work. Home. Work. Home. See the pattern? 
:tongue:


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Diligent Procrastinator said:


> Probably because a lot of people on this site spend way too much time inside their room? I know I do. Work. Home. Work. Home. Work. Home. See the pattern?
> :tongue:


Lol Eh I don't know I tend to go in spurts. I have a social life, I parent. But yeah when my kids are asleep or at their dads, I will be on here. I don't literally put this place per say above my social life. I managed to have dinner and drinks with a co worker out in public by other singles & yet here I am hours later.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Cinnamon83 said:


> Lol Eh I don't know I tend to go in spurts. I have a social life, I parent. But yeah when my kids are asleep or at their dads, I will be on here. I don't literally put this place per say above my social life. I managed to have dinner and drinks with a co worker out in public by other singles & yet here I am hours later.


I might go out if I had friends  but I don't so here I am XD at least it doesn't affect me as much as the average person. I'm content enough with my guinea pig, who ignores me except when she needs something LOL


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## Leo Argent (Jun 9, 2014)

Well, a lot of girls have called me "attractive" so maybe I qualify for this thread.

As for me? I'm single mostly because I'm a long-term planner and an idealist. 

As a long-term planner, I see no value in starting a relationship when I already know *why* it would fall apart. It's my TeNi. If I already know a relationship is doomed to failure due to a drastic difference in values/beliefs, a complete lack of common interests/hobbies, absolutely incompatible life goals, etc. then why bother? Why jump on a train when I can already see it's going off a cliff? It's a waste of time and all it would do is hurt her feelings in the end.

As an idealist, I want an ideal romance. It's my Fi. So I search for someone with whom I have a deep and meaningful connection on every level: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. That's hard to find, of course. Then there's the fact that while I'm trying to fairly evaluate whether a girl and I have long-term potential, some other guy swoops in and takes her away...often the girl never even knew for sure that I liked her.

I think I just need to be more open about how I feel about girls. That way, they won't give up and move on while I'm still trying to make my decision. I think I also need to make my move sooner.


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

fourtines said:


> Most of Generation Y have bizarre exaggerated ideas of perfect love, and usually instead of rationally saying "I will only go out with relationship oriented or marriage minded people" they gamble through a hook up culture that revolves around the idea of desire rather than love, which almost always necessitates that the one or both parties are actually just looking to hook up....a lot of guys, who sometimes refer to themselves as PUA, take advantage of this phenomenon, that women and girls actually think they can find a relationship oriented man via the hook up culture. Of course it's all utterly absurd, a relationship requires two adults both being relationship ready, you don't just keep fucking people hoping someone will eventually magically click and live happily ever after.
> 
> So you will see a lot of attractive single people making this mistake extremely commonly.


. Ever since my relationship ended several months ago, I've encountered guys that bluntly wanted casual sex. Nothing wrong with having sexual desires, but I know that getting involved with these guys would not lead to anything. I see other women around me dating guys that have no interest in committing to them. They think they can change his mind. No, it's pretty obvious from the beginning who is serious and who's not. My gut feeling is that some attractive people just don't want to partake in the hook up culture. It's almost as if you're shunned for just wanting old fashioned love. I would rather be single than waste six months with a man that has no interest in the future.


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Edit.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

loving2011 said:


> . Ever since my relationship ended several months ago, I've encountered guys that bluntly wanted casual sex. Nothing wrong with having sexual desires, but I know that getting involved with these guys would not lead to anything. I see other women around me dating guys that have no interest in committing to them. They think they can change his mind. No, it's pretty obvious from the beginning who is serious and who's not. My gut feeling is that some attractive people just don't want to partake in the hook up culture. It's almost as if you're shunned for just wanting old fashioned love. I would rather be single than waste six months with a man that has no interest in the future.


This. People keep asking me how I can last three years without getting any. I don't want to be just another notch under someone's belt and I don't want to have to deal with potential consequences so I'd rather keep to myself until I find someone who is willing to commit. Sometimes I'm almost tempted, but the hook up wouldn't even be good since I wouldn't have feelings for the person or anything. I predict it would be bland sex anyway so it's not worth it to me at all.


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## Mr.Blayz (Nov 20, 2012)

my lifes really weird actually, sometimes I look in the mirror and Im displeased and sometimes I admire myself. Sometimes girls go out of their way to tell me they wouldnt date/fuck me, and sometimes girls ask me how I could ever think Im not attractive and express disbelief and all the sudden girls come out of the woodwork and try to/ or just have sex with me. Sometimes even the guys who accused me of being gay and informally sanctioned me have tried to have sex with me later down the road. Sometimes Im a nasty troll and sometimes Im a beautiful/sexy man and everyone wants some. I have a few leads that my environment and confidence affect a bit of it and also my hair/facial hair/ clothes make a huge huge difference. As far as a relationship though whenever i get with a girl I think is too beautiful for me, my confidence gos down Im always looking for reassurance and I have a self hate that has been conditioned into me since childhood events, theres was a time when it didnt go back and forth and i was an untouchable troll all the time, then when I got to college I bloomed and there is a higher balance of sexiness, but my serious relationships only last for like 2 weeks because I dont know how to love myself when Im with a very beautiful girl


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Thelostxin-same. Plus, casual sex can be risky when you do get attached, and then you're left mending a broken heart. I know some people say they can unattach during sex, but you never know. I've seen quite a few women and men fall madly in love with their fuck buddy, but the other person didn't reciprocate.


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## Winters (Apr 7, 2014)

This all been said before probably, but seems today the way to go is causal sex.
I am over the causal sex thing was fun for about 5 min but kicking people out of your bed every other day gets old fast to me.

I am single not by choice, I think what I want in a person is not out there. I dated a few people this year sure, but after 2 weeks i get bored with the sex or conversation... 

People give sex to fast and too easy, and if you wait for like a few months and you get together and are not sexually compatible it is annoying.

And secondly the women that left me all say the same thing ... I am just to difficult person to live with.... hah


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## Mee2 (Jan 30, 2014)

Maybe the single people are more concerned about having an attractive profile pic haha?

Yeah, I can't be bothered giving a serious answer .


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Because looking good doesn't equate to quality relationships falling in your lap.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

Antipode said:


> I'm not saying attractiveness automatically equates to dating,


But you kinda are.

I'm not single, but single is my preferred mode of being. I like being stress-free, relaxed, not worrying about anything or anyone. I'm not emotionally damaged. 

That said, the relationship I'm in now is pretty fulfilling. My ENFJ boyfriend understands when he's being suffocating and backs off. He appreciates my quirks. He is patient, accommodating, warm. I like him and this -- and if it stays like this, I'll be good.


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## Superfluous (Jan 28, 2014)

Well, I moved to NYC, and though its easily to make friends, it's hard to keep them. You get lonely here, extroverted person speaking. And speaking for myself, I have health problems, so I cant work or be at school yet, therefore I have no community to get attached to.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

Wellsy said:


> Because looking good doesn't equate to quality relationships falling in your lap.


Perfect reply.


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

Marisa said:


> But you kinda are.


In all honesty, I was curious who and how people would reply to the question. I was surprised at many people did reply.

If one were to think they weren't attractive, they wouldn't have given their reasoning for being single.


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Antipodes just oozes such a calm and mellow sex appeal. I don't know why.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

I think it's great that all the responders are deeming/considering themselves attractive.

No sarcasm... that's GREAT! :kitteh:


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

Philosophaser Song Boy said:


> I think it's great that all the responders are deeming/considering themselves attractive.
> 
> No sarcasm... that's GREAT! :kitteh:


This reminds me of a quote I saw once. If people tell themselves they're beautiful people think they're conceited. If people were to call themselves ugly people would just say they want attention and are fishing for compliments, lol. I dislike people who always call themselves ugly as if they want someone to say they are beautiful when they really know they're not or something. And then I hate the ones that call themselves ugly when they know they're obviously not ugly. Those are the worst, IMO, lol.

I don't know if you're referring to me or not, but quite frankly every single person I have ever met in person has always told me I'm beautiful/attractive. I get hit on by all kinds of interesting personalities.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Philosophaser Song Boy said:


> I think it's great that all the responders are deeming/considering themselves attractive.
> 
> No sarcasm... that's GREAT! :kitteh:


Well I personally don't consider myself some special cut above exception but I consider myself fair enough to answer the question. I would think most people are. I dunno, shrugs. I hate to come off arrogant. Like I think I am just sooo hot (I don't, I am not the %1 of the population that is a flawless 10, I have plenty of flaws, but I embrace them and know I have plenty of redeeming quality too). I don't like sounding like I have no peripheral vision and play that silly naive humble denial game some people do, to look cute and coy either tho, lol.


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

Cinnamon83 said:


> Well I personally don't consider myself some special cut above exception but I consider myself fair enough to answer the question. I would think most people are. I dunno, shrugs. I hate to come off arrogant. Like I think I am just sooo hot (I don't, I am not the %1 of the population that is a flawless 10, I have plenty of flaws, but I embrace them and know I have plenty of redeeming quality too). I don't like sounding like I have no peripheral vision and play that silly naive humble denial game some people do, to look cute and coy either tho, lol.


And even if someone may look really good they could still have a blah personality, too! The looks really shine through when someone has a great personality to go with it. Same here with flaws. It's so annoying on facebook how some people take a whole bunch of selfies 24/7 flaunting their hotness, too.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

thelostxin said:


> This reminds me of a quote I saw once. If people tell themselves they're beautiful people think they're conceited. If people were to call themselves ugly people would just say they want attention and are fishing for compliments, lol. I dislike people who always call themselves ugly as if they want someone to say they are beautiful when they really know they're not or something. And then I hate the ones that call themselves ugly when they know they're obviously not ugly. Those are the worst, IMO, lol.
> 
> I don't know if you're referring to me or not, but quite frankly every single person I have ever met in person has always told me I'm beautiful/attractive. I get hit on by all kinds of interesting personalities.


I was referring to _everyone_. Because, seriously, you don't have to accept other's preference of attraction to feel good, attractive yourself.


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

Well, we all know that I am a sexy beast (at least in my own mind), so I'm gonna say why I'm single.

I'm single for a couple reasons. One reason is that I just got out of an open, long distance relationship. Never took much advantage of the open part, beyond flirtation and words for the most part, but I never felt the need too, although given our distance and the fact that we would not see each other for years, I thought that it would have been good to have had more experience.

Now that I am single, I am thinking that I could really use the experience, so I think I am going to be a "free agent" (see I can sport the sports terms lol) for a little bit. I am not very experienced and I tend to live in my thoughts a lot. And I just want to start doing (sure, the pun can be intended lol). Another reason is that so many people look beautiful (beautiful souls) and I just think so many people are awesome, and, as much as I like that about myself, when I am single, it can cause me to be attracted to a whole bunch of people and I think I should try to understand myself more before I jump headfirst into an exclusive relationship, like I have in the past. .... And, by experience, I don't just mean sex and naked activities (although I do mean that as well), but I also mean kissing, holding hands, going out on dates, and snuggles (I suppose normal friends could just snuggle lol, I have fallen asleep while cuddled up to a male friend on a different friend's bed when I was 18 lol). I suppose you could say that right now, I want casual intimacy, if there is such a thing lol, and friendship (I want to be friends and hug everyone!!!!! Lol). I know not every experience would be great or even good, but even when an experience is not that good, or even bad, I am still glad I had them because I learned more about myself and others from them. Don't get me wrong, I learn a lot from contemplation, but I also just wanna learn from experiencing the outside world for a little bit. I'm very easy going and I don't mind doing anything, but I want to start doing everything. Not just relationship wise either, in my last relationship, we both really helped each other grow and I feel like I rekindled a few dreams. I want to travel again and see so many things and I want to go to the Hawaiian volcanoes and enter a course at the University of Hilo, so that I can actually study lava in depth and collect samples. There are so many things that I wanna do now, that I never realized just how much I wanted to do them. So, for the time being, I think I want to be a "free agent" and I still want to start a family and have kids one day (I love kids, they are so cute :kitteh, but I think I wanna hold off on that for a little bit (besides, I want to adopt at least one child one day anyways (so I am not going to worry about being too old for kids anytime soon), because all those beautiful children deserve families that will love them dearly :crying: <3 :kitteh


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

Philosophaser Song Boy said:


> I think it's great that all the responders are deeming/considering themselves attractive.
> 
> No sarcasm... that's GREAT! :kitteh:


Me too. I happy many people are actually confident.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Bc all the taken ones are ugly ! No jk 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

From how I see it - I have many single attractive males and females friends - there are variety of reasons 

- they've just gotten off of a relationship 

- they haven't found the person that they " clicked" with yet

- they're crushing on somebody who isn't attracted to them yet / at all 

- perhaps they're searching for somebody to click with through personality types

- they're only into casual dating 

-they've been badly hurt 

Etc

Hmm I believe each person has their own story to tell  
But entering into a relationship is a tough commitment - so I'm not surprise to see so many singles out there  
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tezcatlipoca (Jun 6, 2014)

I am desiring one whose mind can sing with mine


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## wyldstyle (Feb 21, 2014)

I am attractive, not single but I am old...well by these forums...late 30s!

I think, if I started out where I am now and shifted the clock back a couple of decades I would not get married. I would be in long term non-monogamous relationships going though. I love people, growing,evolving and changing.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

loving2011 said:


> . Ever since my relationship ended several months ago, I've encountered guys that bluntly wanted casual sex. Nothing wrong with having sexual desires, but I know that getting involved with these guys would not lead to anything. I see other women around me dating guys that have no interest in committing to them. They think they can change his mind. No, it's pretty obvious from the beginning who is serious and who's not. My gut feeling is that some attractive people just don't want to partake in the hook up culture. It's almost as if you're shunned for just wanting old fashioned love. I would rather be single than waste six months with a man that has no interest in the future.



My ESFJ friend used to like to say "when people tell you who they are, believe them." That means the majority of the time that you "hook up" ...don't be surprised if the person wants to keep hooking up with either you or move on to others. Being in a relationship with ANYONE, even if you have a lot of desire and great sex, is A CHOICE. Most people want a certain level of sexual attraction and common interests or goals or good conversation or something, but even when you meet someone like that, if they don't want a commitment, you can't make them want a commitment. 

Commitment, forgiveness, caring, etc...all of those things are choices and/or virtues of a person's character, and have precious little to do with how hot they are, or if they share your passion for milkshakes and soccer.

Which is why Charlie Chaplin was a better husband at 55 than 27. Not necessarily because his last wife was so far superior to his first three, but because it took him an extraordinarily long time to emotionally mature (or maybe he just got old and tired).


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## .17485 (Jan 12, 2011)

I'm single because I like my space and I'm a private person. Also I'm not sure I trust certain women sometimes. I've been stood up once by one, so it makes me skeptical or paranoid. I have a fear of a woman being dominating or controlling.


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

Tezcatlipoca said:


> I am desiring one whose mind can sing with mine


I found her:


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

stop stalking me

<//3

edit:

No but I'm single because I'm socially retarded and weird.


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

emberfly said:


> stop stalking me
> 
> <//3


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

Frenetic Tranquility said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I totally have realized this phenomenon you are talking about in myself. I was just watching a YouTube video in which the girl presenting it was very physically attractive, but she was _so fucking stupid_. Now, of course, what does stupid even mean? There is no such thing as "smart" or "stupid" -- they're all subjective judgements and opinions. A person you think is dumb will be thought of as smart by another person. 

To me, this girl was not very money-conscious. She made extremely lavish purchases that were very overpriced and wasteful. That made me view her as stupid. Someone else would have viewed her as bold or responsible -- because she earned her own money and could use it however she damn well pleased. It's all subjective.

Anyway, this very beautiful girl was trying to rationalize to her viewers how buying this $40 glass bottle was saving her so much money because now she didn't have to drink out of plastic cups or some shit idk it was just so dumb. One of the dumbest arguments to buy an overpriced piece of glass I have ever heard in my life.

And after that, I started to view everything else she said as dumb, too. It was dumb by association. (but it actually was innately dumb, too, so idk if that counts)

I mean, if she had just said "I know this glass bottle is expensive, but I wanted it, so I bought it" I wouldn't have even thought of her as dumb. But she was like rose-colored glasses so delusional about it, lying to herself that she was saving money that it made me think of her as stupid. Even though the reason I mentioned is probably 100% her reason for doing it. There's no way she can sanely think she is saving money.

But to stay on topic: She then talked about another product -- a unisex fragrance -- and she said "It's unisex, so a guy and girl can wear it."

And, out of context, I wouldn't have thought of that as particularly stupid. But in the context of "she's so dumb, wow" I totally viewed that statement as stupid. "Really? You can only wear fragrances if they say on the bottle that you can?" I mean it was so dumb.


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## bellybutton (Jan 2, 2014)

Possibly it's because this isn't a dating site for people who have resorted to dating sites, I mean another possibility is that they just aren't real photos, but still. I use this site because I love meeting people who share the same interests in typology, I'm single because I just had a break up. It seems like most threads are for introverts though, I don't see many ENFP threads around. That may be another reason, that there are so many introverts on here, and they are harder to get to know. Anyway, being in a relationship is wonderful, but it doesn't define you. I found myself once in a relationship that was so toxic that I literally stopped doing everything that I used to love to do. I.e. typology and meeting people online.
in other words, single people have more time!


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Antipode said:


> Every time I stumble onto someone's profile (cough, stalking), I notice they are extremely attractive, and also single.
> I'm not saying attractiveness automatically equates to dating, but this seems to be an odd pattern. Outside of Cafe, I notice the majority of attractive people are dating.
> Is everyone here emotionally damaged or something? xD
> If you're single, I'm curious why that might be? Tired of dating? Waiting? Busy in school/work? Recently broken up? Too nervous to ask someone out? Scared of commitment?


the real question is: why are you, with your baby face, defined jaw, gorgeous eyes and charming personality still single?


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## ParetoCaretheStare (Jan 18, 2012)

Being an introvert isn't easy. Being outgoing and a charming go-getter is much more appealing and interesting to most men than a boring computer geek, frankly.


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## ParetoCaretheStare (Jan 18, 2012)

emberfly said:


> I totally have realized this phenomenon you are talking about in myself. I was just watching a YouTube video in which the girl presenting it was very physically attractive, but she was _so fucking stupid_. Now, of course, what does stupid even mean? There is no such thing as "smart" or "stupid" -- they're all subjective judgements and opinions. A person you think is dumb will be thought of as smart by another person.
> 
> To me, this girl was not very money-conscious. She made extremely lavish purchases that were very overpriced and wasteful. That made me view her as stupid. Someone else would have viewed her as bold or responsible -- because she earned her own money and could use it however she damn well pleased. It's all subjective.
> 
> ...



Public speaking is not easy. Despite the spotlight looking perfect on an innately adorned woman with her shining jewels and glossy hair, the materialistic items that were actually paid for to be used by a working laborer/artist/stylist make an amateur announcer feel less worthy of being presentable as an intellectual. Speaking from experience, the more sparkly I make myself out to be because as desperate for the fitting opposite sex as I am, the action itself makes me feel dumb once I'm at the gala. On the other hand, if I don't take time out to carve the mirror into a shining airbrushed version of myself, I seem as smart as a biophysicist and everything that comes out of my mouth is nonchalant, uncaring of its accuracy, and sounds believable as ever. Choose your pick, individualist bloggers. 

I think you really need to project your concerns for the intelligence of women and ideal standards by changing the channel and/or contemplating where the intelligent women you are "actually" interested in would be.


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> the real question is: why are you, with your baby face, defined jaw, gorgeous eyes and charming personality still single?


Sigh. I happen to be a vampire. And vampire romances were _so_ last year. Which means I'm stuck until the trend returns.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

I'm just too picky. Personally I don't mind being held on a pedestal by a bunch of men who are attracted to me, I find it flattering. It's not what I'm looking for in a potential date though. I want to feel as attracted to my date as he is with me.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Antipode said:


> Sigh. I happen to be a vampire. And vampire romances were _so_ last year. Which means I'm stuck until the trend returns.


well, I love vampires, so bring it :wink:


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## ShatteredHeart (Jul 11, 2014)

thelostxin said:


> I've been wondering that myself. Who doesn't want a lady who doesn't go through your phone and passwords, lets you do what you want as long as you keep up with communication and follow through with making plans, cooks, cleans, works, pay for her own things...I guess the dudes I talk to don't want a lady like that. According to every guy that ever talks to me I'm fun to talk to, entertaining and yet still single. Yeah makes "sense" to me, too!
> 
> I need my me time, too so I don't need to be around someone 24/7. What the hell more do they want from me? I don't get it.


Welcome to the friend zone, As an INFP male its home


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

ShatteredHeart said:


> Welcome to the friend zone, As an INFP male its home


Whenever I'm really bored, I'll video chat with people on Omegle.com, and some people have the nerve to "next" me on there. I was talking about this with someone from Omegle I met, too who has the same problems. We come off as more decent than most people who are on Omegle and we still get nexted. And it's not like we're unattractive so I don't get it and he didn't either. He asked me the same thing like why do people next us when we're good looking and have great personalities. Can't find that a lot around Omegle except for private parts every other video screen.


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## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

Daddy issues,
AMIRIGHT? xD


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

Nonhle~Mzansi said:


> Daddy issues,
> AMIRIGHT? xD


:shocked: How did you know that I have daddy issues :shocked: :tongue: :crazy: Why won't you love me? :wink: :tongue: //jk *hugs*


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## Lucky Luciano (Nov 28, 2013)

maybe they are not bothered to update their relationship status on personality cafe


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## Emerald Legend (Jul 13, 2010)

They wanna stay single, not looking for anything in this site other than discussing shared interest, looking for intimacy but too scared to try, etc. etc.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

I guess I'm ugly then.

Most people on PerC are intuitives, and there are also a lot of introverted intuitives. Those are usually the types who find it hardest to find other people who understand them. Therefore even if they're attractive they may not be able to find someone who they can relate to enough to want to be in a relationship with them. Or speak up about their feelings even if they find someone they're interested in.

Also a lot of people these days actually want to be single. I know so many people who would rather devote their lives to their career and claim they don't have time for a relationship. Or people who don't want to be tied down to someone else's needs.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

thismustbetheplace said:


> I guess I'm ugly then.
> 
> .


Me too ! Guess I'm hideous as well  



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Du Toit (Mar 2, 2014)

Because being attractive physically isn't the only thing that matters in dating.


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## cinnabun (Apr 11, 2011)

emberfly said:


> stop stalking me
> 
> <//3
> 
> ...


Why are those bad things? That's actually really fucking kawaii...


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## cinnabun (Apr 11, 2011)

Maybe all the attractive people on here are BORING AS FUCK:angry:!


Kidding. I never noticed that all the hotties on here are single, and I do my fair bit of stalking too...


*Stalks some more*

:ninja:


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

The Wanderering ______ said:


> That depends if you're trying to set me up on a date with you. Then no...I don't date guys. If you're just trying to set me up in general then I hope you have gameplan for setting up compatible dates because I'm too anxious to do blind ones. Although I am kind of in the mood right now LOL!


Oh no, I don't participate in dating sites--I just proctor.

However, the only members I have so far are older, creepy men with young interests. I'll be sure to expedite one of them to your house right away!


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## The Wanderering ______ (Jul 17, 2012)

Antipode said:


> Oh no, I don't participate in dating sites--I just proctor.
> 
> However, the only members I have so far are older, creepy men with young interests. I'll be sure to expedite one of them to your house right away!


And I'll be sure to make returns to your office's address. Please expect bloody body bags, and rotten corpses.


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## nonstampcollector (Jul 21, 2014)

ThoughtfulThinker said:


> Thank you :wink:
> 
> Do not be sad, who said we cannot be friends?
> 
> If you ever want to talk PM me sometime! I don't bite..


No one, we are friends! This forum is proof of that.

Likewise, my dear... I'm usually floating around the internet somewhere.


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## ThoughtfulThinker (May 11, 2014)

nonstampcollector said:


> No one, we are friends! This forum is proof of that.
> 
> Likewise, my dear... I'm usually floating around the internet somewhere.


Haha okay, will do handsome.. :wink: 

That would be fun to float around in a literal internet world. *Imagines you floating* lol 

I need sleep don't mind me!

lol I like it when you call me dear 
:blushed: :shocked:


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## Makoa (Jul 3, 2014)

Eudaimonia said:


> LOL! It is a little hard to describe about how I feel through which people are compatible and which are not. It is almost as if I need to take you on a date with me to show you. There are times I can talk to someone within 5 mins and perhaps less to figure out where it is heading. I have to admit to using my Ni-Fe powers nefariously and I've used people in the past, so even though I know it isn't going to be a lasting relationship, I'll string someone along just for sex even if they wanted more and I've hurt people along the way.
> 
> Keeping that in mind, I think I need to make amends and try to resist manipulating people for my own selfish needs which means my dates have been getting shorter and less repeat dates because I know whether it is going to bloom or not. I've been dating for over 20 years and married, divorced, have had live in partners and more dating and semi-serious to just having fun long term fuck buddies... and I've been enjoying myself. It is much better than being married in my opinion.
> 
> ...


I'm too aware and wired to feel guilt. I always boil it down to whether I'd be using people as means to my own ends. I think it may have something to do with being raised by a single mother and having a little sister as my only sibling. For me the way I treat women in general connects to the way I want my sister and mother to be treated. 

My experience with men and women as friends is that it's really complicated. I have women that I would do things for, give a ride home, be there to talk with, exchange emails and hangout.. But what I realize is I have no female friends I'd say, drive across the country for just to visit the same way I would my male friends. And, in being really honest with myself I find it curious I'd consider sleeping with all of the female, "friends" I have chosen to keep around. I really analyzed myself after considering that seems to be an anthropological norm. BTW, most men don't even think about making comparisons of friendships as far as lengths they would go for men vs. women that aren't on their sexual radar, outside of family (I hope). 

At this point, I wish I would have taken the blue pill. I feel like I'm far more aware than most people.. :*|

It's not that I don't attract women, I get worried I'm going to hurt people. I get concerned about objectifying myself, but it's starting to seem like I should just go ahead and objectify myself now and go ahead with women that just want to hook up. I'm not really the sort whose going to go out of his way to display the way I value, I just wish I didn't feel guilty or dirty about it.

In being a sapiosexual, haven't you accidentally stumbled upon a super intelligent and aware guy that changed your mind about him? The thing about INFJ's is we maybe put too much into the sunk cost fallacy, and assume we know what the potential of people is. 

Seems weird in that we see through a lot of bullshit, but sometimes people have surprises.


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## nonstampcollector (Jul 21, 2014)

ThoughtfulThinker said:


> Haha okay, will do handsome.. :wink:
> 
> That would be fun to float around in a literal internet world. *Imagines you floating* lol
> 
> ...


I shall endeavour to call you dear more often.


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## entheos (Aug 18, 2013)

I get asked this a lot "But how is it possible that you've never been in a relationship? You're so pretty!" eeerrrmmm it just doesn't work that way. I'm an INFP e4 and in "real life" I've only encountered people who were repulsed by my personality. They consider me an alien and run. I've also never liked anyone, so... There's no ingredients in the equation.
So they come for the looks and run because of the inside. And there's plenty of good looking females out there. It's not like my pursuer thinks I'm their only option or "special" or other nonsense. They're not blind. From my side of things, I can't find a person that is interesting emotionally, mentally & physically. I'm perpetually bored by people, and prefer my own company or the company of friends and family.


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## Scarab (Jun 14, 2014)

nonstampcollector said:


> I shall endeavour to call you dear more often.


Thank you, dear. I would very much like that.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I would never date a person, a crocodile maybe, but never a person.


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## intp_gurl (Mar 8, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I would never date a person, a crocodile maybe, but never a person.



So you like sharp teeth. Im sure someone is willing to file a few down for you, and get your attention. Weirder things have happened.


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## ThoughtfulThinker (May 11, 2014)

Scarab said:


> Thank you, dear. I would very much like that.


^ what he said :laughing:


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

entheos said:


> I'm an INFP e4 and in "real life" I've only encountered people who were repulsed by my personality. They consider me an alien and run.


I'm sorry *hugs* I think you have an awesome personality (you seem very interesting and caring ^__^). Idk why there are people who don't like "weird" people, I mean that just makes you more one of a kind/unique and a person you are not going to meet someone like very often (plus "weird" is pretty sexy ). Also, I think I'd rather run towards an alien (how cool would that be ) :tongue:. But, seriously though, it is a shame that others only see how you are different and not how you express your underlying humanness in ways that are distinct from the norm, because you are a beautiful person and it is a shame that others don't see that (because I think we all could let more beauty into our lives) and that no one/few appreciates it (because you should know that you are important and you just being you is valuable and awesome :kitteh
*hugs*


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

Antipode said:


> Is everyone here emotionally damaged or something? xD


In a nutshell, yes. Well, I know I am anyway.



Antipode said:


> If you're single, I'm curious why that might be? Tired of dating? Waiting? Busy in school/work? Recently broken up? Too nervous to ask someone out? Scared of commitment?


I was in a relationship that ended in a lot of severe trauma, heartache, and general overall emotional misery that really scarred me and turned me off relationships for the foreseeable future. I've had a severe downward spiral ever since in terms of mental illness so I guess I'm focusing on repairing myself for the time being before I put my heart and soul into any more long-term endeavours (and this applies outside of relationships as well). Scared of commitment? Absolutely. I just don't see it happening for me anytime soon. I'm trying to keep safe I suppose.


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## Eudaimonia (Sep 24, 2013)

Makoa said:


> I'm too aware and wired to feel guilt. I always boil it down to whether I'd be using people as means to my own ends. I think it may have something to do with being raised by a single mother and having a little sister as my only sibling. For me the way I treat women in general connects to the way I want my sister and mother to be treated.
> 
> My experience with men and women as friends is that it's really complicated. I have women that I would do things for, give a ride home, be there to talk with, exchange emails and hangout.. But what I realize is I have no female friends I'd say, drive across the country for just to visit the same way I would my male friends. And, in being really honest with myself I find it curious I'd consider sleeping with all of the female, "friends" I have chosen to keep around. I really analyzed myself after considering that seems to be an anthropological norm. BTW, most men don't even think about making comparisons of friendships as far as lengths they would go for men vs. women that aren't on their sexual radar, outside of family (I hope).
> 
> ...


Being "surprised" by people is what it is all about! Haha Yes, I've met plenty of intelligent guys and I even fell in love with one about a year ago, but he didn't love me back. C'est la vie.

There is no confusion for me in mixing sex with getting to know more about a person's psyche.

NFs seem often times to struggle with guilt about if they are misusing someone's heart. This is exactly why I didn't think I was an NF for so long because I don't feel greatly troubled by my conscience about such things yet I know it is wrong to lead someone on and I reason that either I continue on this path or I evolve into a more compassionate person by leaving the situation before it becomes something more. But, like you were saying about how you felt about your mother and sister, sometimes a lesson that can be learned can also be unlearned. Growing up I was taught to quash my emotions and not give people who are emotional high esteem and having become an adult I've been *surprised* along the way how emotional men are unlike what society leads us to believe and what I was exposed to.

Being honest with ourselves is the first step to evolving into better and more emotionally mature people. Lately I've been taking a long hard look at my intentions in order to improve my soul. In this light, I also see it isn't as important to have a romantic relationship as much as putting more energy in improving my friendships. If I never find "the one", then really I shouldn't fret because friendships has proven to be more valuable to me throughout my life anyway.

I've valued emotions more too along the way.


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## DevilishlyAngelic (Sep 3, 2012)

_If you're single, I'm curious why that might be? Tired of dating? Waiting? Busy in school/work? Recently broken up? Too nervous to ask someone out? Scared of commitment?_

I'm single because I'm an introvert, I rarely leave my home to get out and mingle. Actually I would rather meet someone online rather than offline right now. I just don't feel like being physically near anyone right now.


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

A preference for being single, or perhaps not having found the 'right' person yet.


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## alfred.greene (Jul 30, 2014)

I'm reserved, and I don't find the "right" people. I am just really intense about life in general, and I say a lot of things that scare people. They really don't look deeper then my words, and that's ok I don't want to waste my time with people like them. 

Anything over a computer ends badly due to my intensity and the lack of feedback from people. Anything in person typically requires out of face to face talking in todays world and then it goes to shit from there. That or I am simply not interested in the other person or vice versa. 

Patience, and respect are something that most people only have when it is emotionally convenient it seems. I simply require more then that....


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## Kabosu (Mar 31, 2012)

Because they are not married or in a relationship


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## MargStone (Jul 8, 2014)

some attractive people don't have the x factor.....


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## Eos_Machai (Feb 3, 2013)

Why do people assume that being in a relationship is preferable to being single?


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

Promethea said:


> Most irl people are pretty boring..
> *You ppl are less boring.*
> 
> x_x


Awwwwe, that almost sounds like a compliment to the members of PerC (or maybe you are saying that we are all bat poop crazy and you enjoy grabbing a bag of popcorn and watching us  ... Please believe me when I say I am an eevee  :crazy: ), so I'll take it  

*hugs* ... Wait, I can make hugs more interesting >
*upside-down, hanging from a tree by our feet hugs* :crazy:
Thank you ^__^ *hugs*


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## Tuscan Dreamscape (Feb 18, 2013)

Mr. Meepers said:


> Awwwwe, that almost sounds like a compliment to the members of PerC (or maybe you are saying that we are all bat poop crazy and you enjoy grabbing a bag of popcorn and watching us  ... Please believe me when I say I am an eevee  :crazy: ), so I'll take it
> 
> *hugs* ... Wait, I can make hugs more interesting >
> *upside-down, hanging from a tree by our feet hugs* :crazy:
> Thank you ^__^ *hugs*


 Meeps, I have to laugh! you are a fun one.


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

Tuscan Dreamscape said:


> Meeps, I have to laugh! you are a fun one.


*stares at you with suspicion* I'm on to you ... you are just complimenting me so that I will give you a hug. I see right threw you. And I'm not giving you a "hug"

*puts on a Batman costume and climbs up a tree*
But I will glomp and cuddle you 'cause I'm meeperman  :crazy:
*jumps off tree to glomp you and, when we hit the ground, cuddles you while we roll down a grassy hill (with a few rocks)* :crazy:




^^ AND THAT is why I'm single :tongue:


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## loving2011 (Nov 6, 2012)

Tuscan Dreamscape said:


> I'm not sure if it's "people rushing in" that contributes to a high divorce rate as much as couple's changing perceptions. Nothing is perfect and sometimes the ability to deal with the changing tides in the relationship is more than either partner can handle which of course brings it to a halt. Maybe marriage should be a commitment that has a certain time limit, like a lease, either long term or short, a contractual agreement that is clearly defined and signed by all able and willing parties. You would have a certain time to negotiate the marriage/lease and enter into the agreement with valuable consideration where default is not an option.
> 
> No, that probably wouldn't work either....


. I see a lot of incompatibility issues though that couples didn't evaluate when dating or screening. I think people show who they are to you. You just got to pay attention. I had no problem weeding out an interested guy that wasn't compatible, bc I knew what the outcome would be


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

Stampede said:


> I'd rather be an eunuch than desire intimacy.


You'd grow a rack & acquire feminine traits.

Maybe you could train yourself to ignore sexual desire, I'd suggest implementing shock therapy.
Attach an electrical lead to your balls & whenever a woman triggers your sexual desire, you zap those bad Larrys until you forget all about her warm, sweet, inviting wet vagina. I'd recommend supplementing orally with extreme hot peppers whenever you're passing by a beach on a warm summer day.

Otherwise I suggest you find yourself an experienced lady to break you in & show you the ropes.










but if you procrastinate for too long you'll likely require the efforts of a superhero & those type are rare these days.


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## jeevul (Aug 10, 2014)

People my age are pretty annoying usually. Maybe a more mature person would suit me better.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Antipode said:


> Every time I stumble onto someone's profile (cough, stalking), I notice they are extremely attractive, and also single.
> 
> I'm not saying attractiveness automatically equates to dating, but this seems to be an odd pattern. Outside of Cafe, I notice the majority of attractive people are dating.
> 
> ...


I saw your picture and read some of your post / you're very attractive - why are you still single ? Curious


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

In the event that I am considered attractive. I am single because I have no idea what I am doing, don't drink, don't do drugs, I am a geek/nerd, no career, live with family, don't like my job, work late hours and go to school, been single for too long, suck at video games, overweight, not geeky enough, I am strange, and probably so much more things. But that's just a hypothesis. 

It could also be that after so many rejects and feeling that it is expected of me to know how to date, kiss, and initiate sex by my age (I don't) has left me paralyzed with fear when it comes to dating and relationships. It's not easy to simply go with the flow, when in the past I have been criticized, scolded, teased, and looked down on when ever I tried.


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## ThisModernLove (Aug 28, 2014)

I have shitty timing or fate just has a wicked sense of humor.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Yep I'm crazy. Kind of. I have a lot to focus on just to stay sane, which is most important. Maybe when I'm in a better place in life I won't be single. Maybe. Also, fun is more important than relationships. There's too much heartbreak and hatred between people whereas I like to channel that toward myself, and only show positivity and happiness to others. I've yet to meet any girl like that herself who would also be comfortable in a sweet, casual-like relationship. So for now, I take care of myself just as I've always done. And the fact that I'm introverted so meeting others is limited almost solely to the internet lmao. And that's a bit uncomfortable.


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## Morfy (Dec 3, 2013)

Does that mean I'm not attractive?… wait it's true owo how the hell am I not single?


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## zenithx (Jun 12, 2014)

Antipode said:


> Is everyone here emotionally damaged or something? xD


I think you answered your own question xD



JoetheBull said:


> It could also be that after so many rejects and feeling that it is expected of me to know how to date, kiss, and initiate sex by my age (I don't) has left me paralyzed with fear when it comes to dating and relationships.


& this


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## smitty1977 (Jun 14, 2014)

Yeah why are they single??


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## Hypaspist (Feb 11, 2012)

Well I'd like to be not single, but I enjoy freedom, doing what I feel like doing, not feeling that I _have _to do something. But then again, I've never been called attractive.



I've been called sexy.




Modesty ftw.


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## smitty1977 (Jun 14, 2014)

I've been called cute. Not "oh he's cute!" But "aww you're so cute"


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## Blackbear (Feb 10, 2014)

smitty1977 said:


> I've been called cute. Not "oh he's cute!" But "aww you're so cute"


Oh no, why do some people do that to guys ?


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## smitty1977 (Jun 14, 2014)

Allthelittlelights said:


> Oh no, why do some people do that to guys ?


I don't know. Damn friend zone


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## Mr.Venture (Dec 25, 2011)

Didn't have the patience to read the whole thread, but to comment on the title, just 'cause you might be able to put a spring in the step of septuagenarian, don't necessarily mean you're gonna meet your Mr./Ms. Right any quicker, do it?


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

It's odd that just because someone may be considered physically attractive means that they shouldn't not be in a relationship. So the assumption is that only those who aren't considered physically attractive would be single? There's no other reason one might be single?


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## Morfy (Dec 3, 2013)

Master Mind said:


> It's odd that just because someone may be considered physically attractive means that they shouldn't not be in a relationship. So the assumption is that only those who aren't considered physically attractive would be single? There's no other reason one might be single?


Nah it's just that one would assume that physically attractive people have an easier time to get into a relationship due to self esteem benefits and more opportunities


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

ningsta kitty said:


> Lol! Thank you. That makes me feel a lil better >.<


 I knew it would.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

We're all on PerC - shouldn't that be reason enough? XD

Seriously, antiant used to make jokes about people online not being quite right in the head, and I'm starting to think she was onto something. Still, I love my online peeps, and enjoyed the few dating experiences I've had with fellow outcasts and creeps, lol...


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Because people who are attractive are usually used to douchbags treating them horribly. This is what I've observed.


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## Flowerpot92 (Oct 15, 2013)

What a compliment ! I am now, but I wasn't for the biggest part of my time on perC. And yes I *clearing throat* am extremely attractive of course (in my poshest posh voice).


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## oliviaofneptune (Jun 26, 2014)

Just haven't found the right one. 

I think I would be in heaven if I found a cute ENFP and we went on adventures.


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## Brother (Sep 21, 2013)

I'm basically the male Helen of Troy, wouldn't want you girls to fight over this roguish mug.

I stay single for peace.


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## Blackbear (Feb 10, 2014)

teanigami said:


> Just haven't found the right one.
> 
> I think I would be in heaven if I found a cute ENFP and we went on adventures.


Okay where do you live? Im cute  lol! Jk! Haha. 
Im single because I want to meet people that truly fit me and do things Ive always dreamt of doing. Like being on PerC with all of you guys, yeah. Biggest dream came true, lol..


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## Blackbear (Feb 10, 2014)

Brother said:


> I'm basically the male Helen of Troy, wouldn't want you girls to fight over this roguish mug.
> 
> I stay single for peace.


Oh yeah! Thats the spirit!


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## oliviaofneptune (Jun 26, 2014)

Allthelittlelights said:


> Okay where do you live? Im cute  lol! Jk! Haha.


*Lowers voice* The question is.. where do YOU live  
Lol, I feel so grateful for PerC as well.


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## Mr.Venture (Dec 25, 2011)

Echoin' the thoughts, I'm pretty grateful for this place too.
@Allthelittlelights Yeah, in my case it's also a matter of havin' a clearer picture of what I want in mind. It's fine to go explorin', but the point is to learn something new when you're there. These days I got a better understanding of who I am an' what works for me so, while discovery is always still there, I keep my compass so I know which direction I'm pointed. Honestly, sex for fun just so often ain't!

Btw @ForestPaix, I also got my share of bein' used. These days I got a finally tuned warnin' system for when a woman is just usin' me to feel better 'bout herself. Now I don't mind if she _discovers_ that she feels better around me - I would hope she does - but there's a quality of bein' objectified that has me feelin' 'bout as comfortable as a baby in a porcupine coat. When that kicks in, you'll see me tryin' every gentle trick in my book to get the hell outta there.

Thankfully, I ain't had to break out the not so gentle tricks for a good long while now.


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## nevermore (Oct 1, 2010)

More options often goes along with higher standards, and not just in regards to looks.


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## mysterie (Jul 16, 2014)

i never found being attractive an advantage in finding a relationship

now if i had any confidence, i would probably have found a GF by now...


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

People have too many choices nowadays and dont realize not making a choice is a choice.


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## cake (Sep 4, 2013)

I guess...i just like to leave my options open, however i am starting to notice more and more what runnerveran said


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## Blackbear (Feb 10, 2014)

teanigami said:


> *Lowers voice* The question is.. where do YOU live
> Lol, I feel so grateful for PerC as well.


LOL  Same here! Lovely people to find on this forum


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## cake (Sep 4, 2013)

Allthelittlelights said:


> LOL  Same here! Lovely people to find on this forum



I'm a bit slow at times, what does "PerC" stand for?


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## Mr.Venture (Dec 25, 2011)

cake said:


> I'm a bit slow at times, what does "PerC" stand for?


PerC = Personality Cafe

I sometimes literally call it "Percy" when I'm talking about it with people face-to-face.


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## cake (Sep 4, 2013)

Mr.Venture said:


> PerC = Personality Cafe
> 
> I sometimes literally call it "Percy" when I'm talking about it with people face-to-face.


[email protected], anywho, thanks


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