# Why don't girls with self-respect like me?



## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

It seems like every woman who is at all interested in anything beyond friends with me is an insecure, mean, nymphomaniac. Whenever I find a girl who has a personality I like, she never wants to be more than friends. They're almost all feminists and they are all too nice to tell me the truth, they always say something like "I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now" but then I see a short time later that they are in a relationship. It really bothers me because these insecure girls who supposedly love me also treat me with no respect and try to pressure me into having unprotected sex constantly.

I guess I shouldn't be complaining too much, the girls who do like me tend to be super attractive, it's just that I care about more than that :/


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## InfiniteBliss (Aug 1, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> It seems like every woman who is at all interested in anything beyond friends with me is an insecure, mean, nymphomaniac. Whenever I find a girl who has a personality I like, she never wants to be more than friends.


A potential reason you are dealing with these issues is that you are looking at women through a black/white point of view. 

You are placing all of the girls you meet into 1 of 2 categories - nymphomaniacs or non-nymphomaniacs. 

It sounds like the way you relate to the girls you regard as nymphomaniacs is making them like you. 

On the other hand, the girls you view as non-nymphomaniacs, you treat very differently. The way you treat the girls in this second category is most likely why they aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with you, and only view you as a non-romantic friend, and not a potential sexual partner. 

It sounds like you're putting them up on a pedestal, treating them as someone that is unattainable or too good for you, thereby eliminating any potential attraction they had for you in the first place. 

If you stop mentally putting all of the girls you come across into 2 distinct separate categories, you will most likely be able to connect with them better.


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## castigat (Aug 26, 2012)

because you lack self-respect yourself.


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## Amine (Feb 23, 2014)

It's a common phenomenon for anyone in the middle of a social hierarchy. You want people above you (who don't want you) and you are wanted by people below you (who you don't want). It seems like they don't have self-esteem because they are trying to snare you but it comes off desperate, like they are giving too much. You could be making the same mistake in your attempts to get the ones you are going for (i.e., the girls you asked out and got "politely" rejected by are off right now making threads about why low-self-esteem guys like you are the only ones who seem to be interested in them). If you really understand what I'm saying, you'll realize that there is no direct solution to this problem, because any more effort you put in will just make you look, obviously, like you're trying harder and thus are more desperate and seem like you lack self esteem. Which would be true. So you can either settle somewhere in the middle like most people do and stick with the girls you know you can get, or you could transcend the ladder entirely.

Regarding the second option, let me just say there is no better time to do this than the present, particularly for you. Being in school gives you a nice and consistent flow of acquaintances. That means you have a good chance of the right person or people noticing you. But what does it mean to transcend the ladder? Basically you should stop focusing on asking out these girls you have a slim chance with, and you should also stop bothering with the ones trying to get you whom you don't really want. You should just do your thing and expect nothing, and maybe things will come as a byproduct (or maybe not) of you just being awesome on your own terms. 

If I were magically transported back to my first day of college but with the knowledge I now have, I wouldn't try as hard as I did in the past to be popular. I had mediocre success at it, like most people. Mediocrity was something I was willing to settle for back then. At this point in my life, I'd rather have nothing than mediocrity. At least then I'm not wasting my time. But I think if I had actually done _me_ instead of _what I thought others wanted_, I might have been wildly more successful. But there are never guarantees. If you want a better chance of not striking out completely, then you should settle.


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## Skeletalz (Feb 21, 2015)

Heres how to deal with your situation:

Step 1: Harden the fuck up





As a side note, arent you in a relationship? I remember reading all about some first world teenage relationship issues thread/post/whatever you posted a while back


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Because a lot of women see through you, they see you don't respect yourself, so therefore they don't respect you. Maybe you are putting them under pressure also, trying too hard to be liked. You can't expect every woman you meet to be attracted to you, it could be the way you express yourself, it could be what you say or don't say. Or maybe these women are NOT looking to be attached. You could also be too clingy or needy, aside from INFJ who are equally needy, most women/average women don't want to babysit a clingy man.

Being popular isn't about how many women are chasing you, there are a lot of desperate women out there who are looking for attention. Popularity is about sitting on the sidelines and having women approach you without anything you've done or said.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Thanks everyone, @Amine I hadn't heard that theory before but it makes sense



Skeletalz said:


> As a side note, arent you in a relationship? I remember reading all about some first world teenage relationship issues thread/post/whatever you posted a while back


Yes I am.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Because a lot of women see through you, they see you don't respect yourself, so therefore they don't respect you. Maybe you are putting them under pressure also, trying too hard to be liked. You can't expect every woman you meet to be attracted to you, it could be the way you express yourself, it could be what you say or don't say. Or maybe these women are NOT looking to be attached. You could also be too clingy or needy, aside from INFJ who are equally needy, most women/average women don't want to babysit a clingy man.
> 
> Being popular isn't about how many women are chasing you, there are a lot of desperate women out there who are looking for attention. Popularity is about sitting on the sidelines and having women approach you without anything you've done or said.


Well then I'm not popular. How do I become popular?


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

JTHearts said:


> Well then I'm not popular. How do I become popular?


The bigger question is why is being popular so important to you ? Do you think it defines who you are ? The only person who can define you , is you. I can't answer your question because 1. I don't know you. 2. Define popular ? 3. If you have to go out of your way to be liked then your friendships are hollow/shallow.

The word popular these days are taken completely out of context. So does the man/women who post the most selfies in a run of a day popular ? Or are they desperate ? Or do they have low self esteem ? Nothing is funnier than a chick who spends the entire day posting selfies yet doesn't do much of anything else. Like do something else, what other talents do you have ?....the word itself is subjective. Killers who commit horrible acts of crime and cruelty are often seen as popular. So what kind of popular are you seeking ? Popularity with the ladies ? Doesn't matter what you do, or say, some women will never be into you, that is life.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> The bigger question is why is being popular so important to you ? Do you think it defines who you are ? The only person who can define you , is you. I can't answer your question because 1. I don't know you. 2. Define popular ? 3. If you have to go out of your way to be liked then your friendships are hollow/shallow.
> 
> The word popular these days are taken completely out of context. So does the man/women who post the most selfies in a run of a day popular ? Or are they desperate ? Or do they have low self esteem ? Nothing is funnier than a chick who spends the entire day posting selfies yet doesn't do much of anything else. Like do something else, what other talents do you have ?....the word itself is subjective. Killers who commit horrible acts of crime and cruelty are often seen as popular. So what kind of popular are you seeking ? Popularity with the ladies ? Doesn't matter what you do, or say, some women will never be into you, that is life.


If I don't go out of my way to be liked then nobody likes me


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

JTHearts said:


> If I don't go out of my way to be liked then nobody likes me


Well your status shows in a relationship so we can agree one person either likes you or tolerates you. Are you paying her to like you ? Not to sound mean however some men will go through any measure to be liked, or in a relationship. And we know that some women can be bought to show affection/or likability where there really isn't any, money talks. Best of luck.


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## Logical Ambivert Feeler (Aug 17, 2011)

If you are nice then people will like you. It's not hard dude.
But personally I feel its more important to be yourself. That way you will get respect. And more importantly, self respect.
Which in turn may get you the girls you want.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

Why would anyone like someone like you?


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## Skeletalz (Feb 21, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> Yes I am.


So youre a straight man in a relationship who is whining about not getting enough attention or affection from other women? Dont you think theres something off about that?


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

JTHearts said:


> the girls who do like me tend to be super attractive, it's just that I care about more than that :/


dude, stop

Get as much ass in life as you can!!! Opportunities to sleep with attractive women should be seized when presented!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


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## Blissfulwish (Jul 7, 2009)

It's really hard to find an emotionally secure girl out there. Most who are emotionally secure are women who are also confident, financially secure, and are usually seeking the same thing as them. Most of the time they are searching for a man who has his own place, his own car, a stable job, one who can keep a conversation going, are aesthetically pleasing, and no girls on the side. Ask yourself if you are that man, if you are not then you need to make changes to your life if you want that kind of woman in your life.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Skeletalz said:


> So youre a straight man in a relationship who is whining about not getting enough attention or affection from other women? Dont you think theres something off about that?


Yeah, my problem isn't that I don't get affection from women, it's that I don't get affection from the women who I actually like. I've been talking to one of my ex's lately, the nicest girlfriend I ever had, and if my current gf keeps treating me the way she does I might just leave her to get back with my ex.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> It seems like every woman who is at all interested in anything beyond friends with me is an insecure, mean, nymphomaniac. Whenever I find a girl who has a personality I like, she never wants to be more than friends. They're almost all feminists and they are all too nice to tell me the truth, they always say something like "I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now" but then I see a short time later that they are in a relationship. It really bothers me because these insecure girls who supposedly love me also treat me with no respect and try to pressure me into having unprotected sex constantly.
> 
> I guess I shouldn't be complaining too much, the girls who do like me tend to be super attractive, it's just that I care about more than that :/


Maybe you're attempting to draw water from a tainted well, or seeking fruit from a wormy orchard.
Have you attempted to locate a compatible woman online? You could begin as friends, then online dating partners & move to a relationship at your own pace.

Hmm you're Gen-Z (18-19 ?)
not into feminists 

How difficult could it be to find a compatible relationship partner?
What are your preferences.
Are you racist?
Are you religious?
Are you politically outspoken?


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> Maybe you're attempting to draw water from a tainted well, or seeking fruit from a wormy orchard.
> Have you attempted to locate a compatible woman online? You could begin as friends, then online dating partners & move to a relationship at your own pace.
> 
> Hmm you're Gen-Z (18-19 ?)
> ...


Yeah, I tried online dating. That's how I met almost all of my girlfriends, but as with irl, the only girls who wanted to date me were very attractive but insecure girls who tended to be rather controlling and mean sometimes. 

As for your questions, I'm not sure how difficult it would be for me to find a compatible partner.
My preferences are really just nice girls who can understand me.
I'm not racist, the girl I'm dating right now is black, and my ex who I'm talking to again is Persian.
I'm not religious.
Not very politically outspoken in real life, I feel like it's a bad idea.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> Yeah, I tried online dating. That's how I met almost all of my girlfriends, but as with irl, the only girls who wanted to date me were very attractive but insecure girls who tended to be rather controlling and mean sometimes.
> 
> As for your questions, I'm not sure how difficult it would be for me to find a compatible partner.
> My preferences are really just nice girls who can understand me.
> ...




Take your time, be selective & you'll find somebody that's right for you.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

JTHearts said:


> If I don't go out of my way to be liked then nobody likes me


You're going about this backwards: Be yourself, meaning do the things that you like to do and go after goals that are important to you. The relationship with another person is important, but until you square away your relationship with yourself, don't make another relationship a priority. 

And be nice. Really nice and caring. Not nice with an eye toward whatever benefit you'll receive, but nice expecting nothing in return. Don't feel like being nice? Do it anyway. Fake it 'til you make it.

Develop your character.


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## Cool Hand Luke (Aug 4, 2015)

Just my two cents worth, but...

1. Acting as though you need to be with the type of women that you like seems clingy. Only shallow women want clingy.

2. Are you a grown man? Not to be offensive but some of the things you have said make me question your maturity. A mature man is comfortable in his own skin and "owns it" when it comes to personality.

3. While there are some people who will never like / mesh with you, it seems you may be looking in the wrong places for companionship. 
BTW There is a diff between relationship and companionship. Companionship means that you are meeting on a deep emotional and "spiritual" level.

4. Don't try so hard. Watch those who end up with people... Most stories start something like, "I had given up men / women then I found..." There is a psychological element to someone who is confident and seems to care but not seek a relationship.

5. If you are having women who try to get unprotected sex... step away. You have not made a commitment and they want to corner you into one.

6. Relate with those you care about _don't press a relationship._


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## Cool Hand Luke (Aug 4, 2015)

niss said:


> And be nice. Really nice and caring. Not nice with an eye toward whatever benefit you'll receive, but nice expecting nothing in return. Don't feel like being nice? Do it anyway. Fake it 'til you make it.
> 
> Develop your character.


Nice does not mean that you are a p***y. P*****s do not get women. Men who care about others are attractive to the opposite sex. Forget about the brown-nosing fake fools who try to be overly nice. Act with empathy and honesty. In essence, be the best you that you can be. That is what seems to attract the opposite sex.


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## 66393 (Oct 17, 2013)

You seem to have very little self-respect. Like minds attract.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

"I think I'll just leave my current gf for my ex, because my ex was nicer". 

With that sort of dismissive and careless attitude, I don't think you're even responsible enough to take care of goldfish. You aren't ready for a fulfulling/satisfying relationship with anyone until you fix yourself, the instructional on which has been iterated countless times in this thread.


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## Gjcrouse09 (Aug 20, 2015)

I don't know you, so I don't know why they seem to not like you.
As a women with self respect, I can give you some advice..

*Be self confident. 
That is a very attractive quality, and if you are already under the impression these types of girls don't like you, you may come off as insecure.

*Don't try too hard. 
Just get to know them and try to aim most of your focus in another area of your life so you don't over analyze the situation (which will also make you seem insecure)

*Don't be a dick.
Don't say stupid things. The number one thing that turns me off to guys is when they are trying to be funny, and are actually being a jerk. It makes you look stupid.


Be kind, and be polite.

I hope that helped.


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## piano (May 21, 2015)

Metasentient said:


> "I think I'll just leave my current gf for my ex, because my ex was nicer".
> 
> With that sort of dismissive and careless attitude, I don't think you're even responsible enough to take care of goldfish. You aren't ready for a fulfulling/satisfying relationship with anyone until you fix yourself, the instructional on which has been iterated countless times in this thread.


yea i don't get any of it either


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## Amelia (Aug 23, 2015)

Well, everyone else pretty much covered it. I'll just give you a short list of qualities that makes you more attractive to a sensible, smart woman. (Me.)

1) Be articulate. You don't have to be the smartest, most thoughtful person ever to win my heart. But... Clear, understandable speech is always a turn on. I hate people who mumble and say stupid shit like; chill, bruh, coo, etc.

2) Be emotionally stable and secure in yourself. Nothing makes me want to run away faster than an insecure dude with emotional issues.

3) Treat her like a lady. No matter how much she dangles her vagina in your face from a fishing lure, DO NOT take the bait. You'll find out quickly if she wants more with you than just sex.
Plus, I feel respected when a potential boyfriend doesn't want to fuck on the first few dates, (even if I tried to advance first.)

4) be picky.

5) Don't be a stuck up dude. Relax, and be able to joke with others without being mean.
And NEVER be condescending with a girl when she's trying to be herself.

Example: If a girl is talking and joking about her eating habits, don't try to be gentlemanly and chastise her by saying "Stop it. don't talk about yourself that way." 

Some dude did that exact thing to me. And then went on and tried to argue me on a joke.
I've never been so turned off in my life.


So, yeah. hope that helps a tad.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Amelia said:


> No matter how much she dangles her vagina in your face from a fishing lure, DO NOT take the bait. You'll find out quickly if she wants more with you than just sex.


:laughing:


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

A confident intelligent woman likes someone who has left respect and can keep up with her while talking. She doesn't like to bored or to have someone who offers her nothing new.

Complain less, work more on yourself.


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## hal0hal0 (Sep 1, 2012)

*Thread Warning*

*Thread Warning*
*
Hey guys, just a reminder to keep it constructive. No potshots, please. Thanks.*​


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

aren't you crowding these girls into two categories only? 
There's lots of different types of people, you cannot fit them all into two categories. Are you a confident, relaxed person? Most girls will prefer a guy who's just confident and easy going.


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## Polexia (Apr 22, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> "I think I'll just leave my current gf for my ex, because my ex was nicer".
> 
> With that sort of dismissive and careless attitude, I don't think you're even responsible enough to take care of goldfish. You aren't ready for a fulfulling/satisfying relationship with anyone until you fix yourself, the instructional on which has been iterated countless times in this thread.


As I was reading the thread I wondered if anyone would get to this! I agree. 



JTHearts said:


> Yeah, my problem isn't that I don't get affection from women, it's that I don't get affection from the women who I actually like. I've been talking to one of my ex's lately, the nicest girlfriend I ever had, and if my current gf keeps treating me the way she does I might just leave her to get back with my ex.


First of all you seem very immature, relationship wise. 

Secondly, it Sounds like your current GF deserves better if you are considering leaving her for your ex. (And the whole way you word this post, makes me feel bad for her, unless she is abusive then I don't feel bad for her, but then you should just leave her asap and take some time and work on yourself). 

If she isn't abusive, you should probably leave her based on the mentality displayed so far, from you, in this thread.: you being in a relationship, while asking for advice on landing another girl and while talking to your ex behind her back and even considering leaving her for your ex. Have you considered that maybe you should take some time of from relationships and reevaluate? 

*Tbh. You won't be able to land the "type of girl" you want (as described in OP) until you leave the immature behavior behind.*


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