# How to Love Someone that Doesn't Love Himself?



## reveur (Oct 26, 2014)

> How to love someone that doesn't love himself?


I'd say_ endlessly_, because the love that you'll offer will sink down through the hole in this person that's located in the place where a heart should be. It will all go down right through that wound and there's nothing that you can do to stop it. That's how you'll probably get hurt, bacause such things are getting unbearable to watch with time.

He can change but he needs to want that too. There's no guarantee that he'll do it when you're with him. You may try to talk about this... Have you tried to give him a signal that you're tired? 

The thing is that you didn't break him. Don't try to fix him, then.


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## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

shakti said:


> My partner (ENFP) is the sweetest, kindest and most loving soul I have ever seen in my life...so special and so full of talent and potential, yet he rarely sees this.
> 
> His main problem is that he has no love for himself...he can't break away from seeing himself as a "loser" and seems to be overwhelmed by guilt and self-loathing for almost everything he does. Like eating a bag of chips! It's incredible, like something inside him is compelling him to feel bad about himself and latches on to every reason to do so...
> 
> ...


No matter how much Fe love you pour onto him, it won't make him feel any better about himself. I think the best approach is to find out from him what he sees as a "non-loser", and hopefully it won't be an external definition such as making a lot of money, owning a yacht and having a gazillion awards... his internal definition of self-respect, and then push him towards becoming that person... in baby steps. Make him _witness himself grow_ into the person he respects, encourage him, make him get back on the path when he inevitably gets distracted... and do firmly, but playfully, with humor.


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## shakti (Oct 10, 2012)

Fluff'n'Fury said:


> No matter how much Fe love you pour onto him, it won't make him feel any better about himself. I think the best approach is to find out from him what he sees as a "non-loser", and hopefully it won't be an external definition such as making a lot of money, owning a yacht and having a gazillion awards... his internal definition of self-respect, and then push him towards becoming that person... in baby steps. Make him _witness himself grow_ into the person he respects, encourage him, make him get back on the path when he inevitably gets distracted... and do firmly, but playfully, with humor.


Thanks for replying to my ancient post...we broke up a while ago, all this seems like another life now whoooaaa  

It was a very difficult relationship, but I learnt a whole lot


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## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

shakti said:


> Thanks for replying to my ancient post...we broke up a while ago, all this seems like another life now whoooaaa
> 
> It was a very difficult relationship, but I learnt a whole lot


lol!  I keep doing this! Sorry! I keep bringing threads back from the dead. I apologize  
Good for you, though! No need to sail against the wind.  What were some of the things you learned from that relationship?


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## shakti (Oct 10, 2012)

Fluff'n'Fury said:


> lol!  I keep doing this! Sorry! I keep bringing threads back from the dead. I apologize
> Good for you, though! No need to sail against the wind.  What were some of the things you learned from that relationship?


No need to apologise cmooon, it came at the right moment...clearing up things from the past year and opening myself up to a happy new year and all that 

What I learned? Above all, to trust myself and my intuition...often in our relationship I felt something was a bit off, but I didn't pay attention to it. I guess I wanted to believe. He taught me a lot about myself in general, and I am very grateful for all the lessons


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## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

shakti said:


> No need to apologise cmooon, it came at the right moment...clearing up things from the past year and opening myself up to a happy new year and all that
> 
> What I learned? Above all, to trust myself and my intuition...often in our relationship I felt something was a bit off, but I didn't pay attention to it. I guess I wanted to believe. He taught me a lot about myself in general, and I am very grateful for all the lessons


I totally get it! When you are in a relationship with someone whose functions are totally opposite to your own, you become more aware of the workings of your own mind... simply by contrast, to which you are exposed daily.


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