# How to Stop Liking People?



## Staryu

I wish I never liked people. Every time I do, I'm let down or proven wrong. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, but that's only after..like 4 years or so that I trust them that much. I wish I never liked or cared for anyone. Fine, friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship so it's not ALL bad, but still.
If anyone has strategies on how to hate people, please let me know. I've tried being critical and labelling flaws..it's a pretty effective defense mechanism so far, but it's not 100% effective. Then I end up criticizing myself.
Friends aren't the only thing, it applies to relationships as well. Guys just don't like me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong..if I need to act like a bitch and treat them badly I will. Strangely, people like people who treat them badly. But I don't want to like anyone, because if they're nice to me it means that I'll have to..let myself be vulnerable. Word of caution: I only trust people IF they trust me first. If not, then it is so NOT happening.
I don't think it's my looks..like no im no hot model like my BFF is or anything, but I do occasionally get flirted with[and read: *-occasionally-*] as in if the guys are extra horny or just want to pick up a girl. They don't like me for who I am, because yeah fine, I have a sucky personality but I can't quite change that.
Guys say I'm "a really nice friend." But I don't want to just be a friend. I want a sweet guy to love:sad: Same with the guy who I still like[I KNOW, it's ridiculous but I do].."Oh but I only think of you as a friend. I'm not the only guy who can make you happy. No, my answer will always be no, I don't want to date you."
He's a close-minded traditionalist but I love him. Because deep down, he's sweet and I care too much for him even though I hate this and don't want to like anyone AT ALL.
I think I should just follow my original strategy and be the critical bitch I am..and treat people like crap.
Yes, I do want a sweet guy to love. No, true love does not exist in this world. Sorry to all the idealists and whoever believes in that stuff, it's nice, but I don't think it exists in this world. Then again, I don't know FOR SURE so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong. 
Thanks for reading this..tirade or whatever it's supposed to be. How do I stop liking people forever?


----------



## she_sells_seashells

Oh darling, you want love but are convinced it doesn't exist? Love exists in many forms and romantic love will come to you when you're ready for it. 
My only advice is that you need to learn to accept and love every part of yourself both on the outside and inside. When you do you'll learn to open your heart without asking to be taken advantage of. Then you'll find people who could be your real friends, and you'll find someone to love. 
If you go through life with such a negative attitude, the vibes you're sending out into the world basically deflect any good things that could come your way and even invite negative things your way. You need to change your outlook and the world will start to work with you.


----------



## SyndiCat

The only way to keep them at a distance is to hurt them so they won't like you. 
Unfortunately, it will leave you with a very different sort of pain; Guilt.


----------



## Alaya

I don't recommend that path Staryu, it will lead to pain and suffering, I guarantee that. Focus on what you can contribute to the world; if you want love, give love and you'll see how everything arranges itself to how it suppose to be. Surround yourself by wise and kind people, not all people are jerks and opportunists, I'm pretty sure that some of us would be happy to have you as a friend, it's just a matter of having trust.

Anyways, I hope you have a good day :wink:


----------



## wonderfert

It sounds like you just need to take some time to be with yourself, and learn to appreciate your strengths. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on bashing yourself, and then not understanding why guys only want to be your friend. Stop worrying about that. Really. Just gain some distance, and give yourself a vacation from it. I know it's hard, but there is truth to the idea that confidence is attractive. I'd actually argue that that's why it seems that people are attracted to those that mistreat them. It's not the abuse that's attractive, it's the air of confidence that those type of people tend to carry, whether or not it's good is an entirely different matter. 

The truth of the matter is, that few people will be attracted to your current mindset. You'll just wind up in a loop, where you blame yourself more for not finding someone. Which will in turn make them less interested. I'm sorry if that sounds rude or harsh, it isn't meant to be.


----------



## Kilgore Trout

How to stop liking people? Spend time with people.


----------



## Staryu

@owlwaltz
=/ i guess i give off bad vibes..not too sure how that works, but i can see what you're saying. i do accept myself though.
@mike
but is guilt better than being vulnerable? guilt is something you can get rid of,vulnerability..well as long as they trust you first you don't have to worry.
@Iconoclastic Visionary
hmm...giving love sounds nice in an ideal world..before you get taken advantage of, which is what is so in THIS world. and given the chance, MOST people would take advantage of you if you let them.i can just show you a million examples...
never let your guard down. lol, you guys are nice..nicer than most people i meet in real life[with the exception of my friends]. but i have seen extremely mean comments made in this forum..still it's nicer than in the real world...or the world im used to.i hope u have a nice day too.
@wonderfert
see, that's the thing. i don't doubt my competence or the fact that i can do a lot of stuff. what i DO doubt and am sad about is that..well guys don't like me. im totally happy about that, i don't want to have to be vulnerable and stuff..but it's hard to not be somewhat jealous ._. i guess "fake it till you make it" works in this scenario. 
no, it doesn't sound rude or harsh. thanks.


----------



## Staryu

Kilgore Trout said:


> How to stop liking people? Spend time with people.


this is funny!
it all sounds nice, but that's what has started my problem in the first place.


----------



## Alaya

I don't know what your life story is, but just remember that you can't fight fire with fire. Giving love should not mean that people take advantage of you, because that means that you have not learned to love the most important person in your life...you. If you love yourself, you should not let anyone take advantage of you because when we love someone, we tend to protect them at all costs.

I've been in your shoes, that's why it's important for me to emphasize to not fall in that hating cycle. Like I said, it won't lead anywhere good. At the end though, it's your life and you have to choose your own path, and your own consequences to face. 

It's all about the choices baby :crazy:


----------



## SyndiCat

Staryu said:


> @mike
> but is guilt better than being vulnerable? guilt is something you can get rid of,vulnerability..well as long as they trust you first you don't have to worry.


@Staryu I didn't get this 'mention' notified just so you know.

In my case this is all linked. I weigh whether I should put my security in her hands or not, I'm afraid of speaking my mind, I get anxious to ridiculous proportions, and get partially/mildly paranoid looking for reasons why I would get hurt and why I should not trust her. Then I can act counterphobically to the problem to speed up what seems to be inevitable, which is to be let down by her. I can also cause maximum pain when I do- to make sure that she will hate me, to purposefully break her trust in me. And if I do, or when I do, I feel so worthless and guilty that I get a mental breakdown (Key phrases; All the stories I told myself about her were true. I am not worth shit. Why did I just ruin it. What if. Maybe.). The mental breakdown part is of course a very exciting period because it has a lot to do with feeling guilty and worthless, and that is when I'm one inch away from killing myself.

So you tell me, which one is better? Feeling vulnerable, or feeling guilty/worthless?

'Cause if you do it my way, you're being self-destructive.


----------



## pinkrasputin

Staryu said:


> How do I stop liking people forever?


 How about start by liking yourself _more._

I am very sorry you are in pain and that people have failed you. But you shouldn't give up on you. No one can possibly love you like the way you can. 

You can pm me if you ever need to talk or rant.


----------



## Staryu

MikeAngell said:


> @Staryu I didn't get this 'mention' notified just so you know.
> 
> In my case this is all linked. I weigh whether I should put my security in her hands or not, I'm afraid of speaking my mind, I get anxious to ridiculous proportions, and get partially/mildly paranoid looking for reasons why I would get hurt and why I should not trust her. Then I can act counterphobically to the problem to speed up what seems to be inevitable, which is to be let down by her. I can also cause maximum pain when I do- to make sure that she will hate me, to purposefully break her trust in me. And if I do, or when I do, I feel so worthless and guilty that I get a mental breakdown (Key phrases; All the stories I told myself about her were true. I am not worth shit. Why did I just ruin it. What if. Maybe.). The mental breakdown part is of course a very exciting period because it has a lot to do with feeling guilty and worthless, and that is when I'm one inch away from killing myself.
> 
> So you tell me, which one is better? Feeling vulnerable, or feeling guilty/worthless?
> 
> 'Cause if you do it my way, you're being self-destructive.


I don't like either of the options. The best thing is to not care. I hate these..feelings anyways, but ot caring is the best way to go. And if I do care, tell myself to stop being so silly.


----------



## Staryu

pinkrasputin said:


> How about start by liking yourself _more._
> 
> I am very sorry you are in pain and that people have failed you. But you shouldn't give up on you. No one can possibly love you like the way you can.
> 
> You can pm me if you ever need to talk or rant.


Well I like myself I think..but there are a lot of reasons why I don't match up either. 
I'm not giving up on myself, and you're right. 
still...i kind of wish it would happen ._.
thanks, pinkrasputin.


----------



## she_sells_seashells

Staryu said:


> @owlwaltz
> =/ i guess i give off bad vibes..not too sure how that works, but i can see what you're saying. i do accept myself though.


It's not exactly easy to change that though, so I can see why you're frustrated. I'm naturally prone to be more depressive and negative but whenever I see those negative emotions clouding my judgment I try to push them aside. You almost have to monitor yourself and force yourself into a positive state of mind. Have you ever tried meditating? It really helps.


----------



## Apollo Celestio

Your quest is futile and your frozen ideal does not exist.


----------



## WickedQueen

Staryu said:


> I wish I never liked people. Every time I do, I'm let down or proven wrong. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, but that's only after..like 4 years or so that I trust them that much. I wish I never liked or cared for anyone. Fine, friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship so it's not ALL bad, but still.
> 
> If anyone has strategies on how to hate people, please let me know. I've tried being critical and labelling flaws..it's a pretty effective defense mechanism so far, but it's not 100% effective. Then I end up criticizing myself.
> 
> Friends aren't the only thing, it applies to relationships as well. Guys just don't like me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong..if I need to act like a bitch and treat them badly I will. Strangely, people like people who treat them badly. But I don't want to like anyone, because if they're nice to me it means that I'll have to..let myself be vulnerable. Word of caution: I only trust people IF they trust me first. If not, then it is so NOT happening.
> 
> I don't think it's my looks..like no im no hot model like my BFF is or anything, but I do occasionally get flirted with[and read: *-occasionally-*] as in if the guys are extra horny or just want to pick up a girl. They don't like me for who I am, because yeah fine, I have a sucky personality but I can't quite change that.
> 
> Guys say I'm "a really nice friend." But I don't want to just be a friend. I want a sweet guy to love:sad: Same with the guy who I still like[I KNOW, it's ridiculous but I do].."Oh but I only think of you as a friend. I'm not the only guy who can make you happy. No, my answer will always be no, I don't want to date you."
> 
> He's a close-minded traditionalist but I love him. Because deep down, he's sweet and I care too much for him even though I hate this and don't want to like anyone AT ALL.
> 
> I think I should just follow my original strategy and be the critical bitch I am..and treat people like crap.
> Yes, I do want a sweet guy to love. No, true love does not exist in this world. Sorry to all the idealists and whoever believes in that stuff, it's nice, but I don't think it exists in this world. Then again, I don't know FOR SURE so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong.
> 
> Thanks for reading this..tirade or whatever it's supposed to be. How do I stop liking people forever?


I ain't gonna give you advice that you do not need. I will only answering your question with practical suggestions based on my subjective experience, okay?

*First*, people can be sucks or lovely, depends on the situation. The most important thing is, when you give something, do not expect that person to return it in the same way. Sometimes they will payback by being nice with you, sometimes they back-stabbing you instead. Stuff like that happens all the time to everyone. But when you expect none as the return, you give yourself no hope, therefore you won't be disappointed.

Give because you want to give. Help because you want to help. Other people's responds is not your business. Don't bother it. Just believe that if you give something positive to others, then the universe will have its own way to give it back to you. Trust me, it happens so many times to me.

*Second*, just because true love doesn't (or hasn't yet) come to you, doesn't mean true love does not exist. It doesn't happen to me either, but I know some people who has it and it's amazing. My parents is one of them.

So that guy doesn't like you. So what? That doesn't mean you can't love him. Just don't be clingy and let him fly. Love is not binding, it's liberating. What stresses you is not the love itself, but the fact that he doesn't love you back like the way you wanted. Release yourself from that desire (desire to wanting him to want you), liberate yourself. That is when you can feel the beauty of true love. Someday that positive feeling will drop back at you when you least expecting it.

*Third*, this is my personal suggestion. I have many friends, but I let them stay on superficial level. Never let them go deeper. The reason is so I don't have to get hurt, also to toughen up myself and maintain my independence. Feels pain in the first time, but now I get numb and starting to be able to enjoy my independence.

Now I don't give a damn if there's someone out there for me or not. I don't have hope, so I'm not disappointed. I'm focusing my attention for my career now, but I'm also planning to adopt a child in the next 3-4 years if at that time romance still not coming to me. I'm not desperate, really, in fact I feel calm and peace. I don't have anyone to love right now, but I have myself, my family, my friends, and my God. That's the most important thing for me, and I know I'll be just fine.


----------



## Staryu

owlwaltz said:


> It's not exactly easy to change that though, so I can see why you're frustrated. I'm naturally prone to be more depressive and negative but whenever I see those negative emotions clouding my judgment I try to push them aside. You almost have to monitor yourself and force yourself into a positive state of mind. Have you ever tried meditating? It really helps.


Hmm, meditating..I tried it once but I lose focus really easily and get distracted and start noticing the littlest things around me. It's not very effective.
Being hard on myself somewhat helps, but then it leads to criticizing myself and others.


----------



## Staryu

@Apollo Celestio
I don't know.-.


----------



## Staryu

WickedQueen said:


> I ain't gonna give you advice that you do not need. I will only answering your question with practical suggestions based on my subjective experience, okay?
> 
> *First*, people can be sucks or lovely, depends on the situation. The most important thing is, when you give something, do not expect that person to return it in the same way. Sometimes they will payback by being nice with you, sometimes they back-stabbing you instead. Stuff like that happens all the time to everyone. But when you expect none as the return, you give yourself no hope, therefore you won't be disappointed.
> 
> Give because you want to give. Help because you want to help. Other people's responds is not your business. Don't bother it. Just believe that if you give something positive to others, then the universe will have its own way to give it back to you. Trust me, it happens so many times to me.
> 
> *Second*, just because true love doesn't (or hasn't yet) come to you, doesn't mean true love does not exist. It doesn't happen to me either, but I know some people who has it and it's amazing. My parents is one of them.
> 
> So that guy doesn't like you. So what? That doesn't mean you can't love him. Just don't be clingy and let him fly. Love is not binding, it's liberating. What stresses you is not the love itself, but the fact that he doesn't love you back like the way you wanted. Release yourself from that desire (desire to wanting him to want you), liberate yourself. That is when you can feel the beauty of true love. Someday that positive feeling will drop back at you when you least expecting it.
> 
> *Third*, this is my personal suggestion. I have many friends, but I let them stay on superficial level. Never let them go deeper. The reason is so I don't have to get hurt, also to toughen up myself and maintain my independence. Feels pain in the first time, but now I get numb and starting to be able to enjoy my independence.
> 
> Now I don't give a damn if there's someone out there for me or not. I don't have hope, so I'm not disappointed. I'm focusing my attention for my career now, but I'm also planning to adopt a child in the next 3-4 years if at that time romance still not coming to me. I'm not desperate, really, in fact I feel calm and peace. I don't have anyone to love right now, but I have myself, my family, my friends, and my God. That's the most important thing for me, and I know I'll be just fine.


I guess so. I need to stop expecting and caring so much, it's just difficult.I was a misanthrope for the longest time, and hate is another form of love.
Really? Well maybe it does exist then..I don't know for sure. Still, stuff I've seen and read about prove otherwise.
Thanks! All these tips were really helpful. I'll try to follow your suggestions, especially in regards to letting the friends stay on a superficial level. That way I won't like them too much, and I won't have to worry about letting people in too close. And the fact that if I do, I'd be vulnerable. Being mean to them isn't exactly the best idea, I guess making up excuses and stuff and keeping them on a superficial level is. 
True, I suppose I need to be more realistic.I'm focussing my attention on my career too, as well as trying to pull a 4.0, but part of me still kind of longs for it. It's a nice dream. But yeah..I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much =|


----------



## JoetheBull

Staryu said:


> Hmm, meditating..I tried it once but I lose focus really easily and get distracted and start noticing the littlest things around me. It's not very effective.
> Being hard on myself somewhat helps, but then it leads to criticizing myself and others.


sorry can't really give much advice on your OP. But I maybe able to help with the meditation. In my personal experience it has help me quite a bit. Some of my post might seem to disagree with that statement but I used to be extremely worse. That and like taking medication I am not very good with consistency :laughing:. First suggestion when meditating is don't worry too much about getting distracted especially by random thoughts. I have ADD so imagine how easily distracted I get:laughing:. But generally you should try to just let the thoughts or emotions flow freely and try not to control or even engage them completely. Unless that is the focus of you mediation but I think those are for people who are more experienced, can't remember at the moment. I mainly focus on my breathing. which brings me to my second suggestion. focus on your breathing and breath through your nose slow and deep. This is how a friend of mine taught me. Third suggestion is listen to music with head phones. It helps deal with outside noise pollution and can relax you a bit also. Maybe this will help I hope. Good luckroud:


----------

