# Survey For Men



## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

_Let's betray the one I love the most and pretend I'm a free-willed moral being._

Sounds like a life plan for an idiot. Count me out.

ENTP


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

Sporadic Aura said:


> I don't think I'd cheat on anyone. Why not just break up with someone if you're going to cheat. Be straightforward with your feelings, other people at least deserve that.
> 
> With someone I love, I'd absolutely not cheat.
> 
> I'm unsure of my MBTI right now, probably ENxP I guess.


My thoughts exactly! I cannot understand cheating (ok, I do get the thrill of it). It makes so much more sense to just break up. Less messy, win win situation (you win cause you get to spend time with whoever you want, she wins cause nobody wants a cheater).


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Of course I would. Let's lead her on, pretending I'm loving her ! or maybe like ... let's be cold to her and after some weeks tell her that I plan to see where it will go with someone else !

Life is so much fun that way 


Ahem. No, would not. Never. Unless there's a really really really unavoidable situation like "bone this woman or you're dead"


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Does anyone who cheats ever believe "yeah, I'm prone to cheating" leading up that point?


Exactly. Thread is a joke. Answers are a joke.

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool."

-Feynman

The people who think they are incapable of something, are often the most capable of that something. That thinking nourishes it.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

FearAndTrembling said:


> Exactly. Thread is a joke. Answers are a joke.
> 
> "The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool."
> 
> ...


"The people who think they are incapable of something, are often the most capable of that something. That thinking nourishes it. "

Totally agree on that. If a question enters your mind, whatever your personal answer is, it entered...it made the thought come to life.

And there are all shades of grey about why someone would cheat. No black and white.

When I'm asked a question like that, my answer is "I don't know". I Think it is the only answer to give.


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

DomC said:


> "The people who think they are incapable of something, are often the most capable of that something. That thinking nourishes it. "
> 
> Totally agree on that. If a question enters your mind, whatever your personal answer is, it entered...it made the thought come to life.
> 
> ...


Yup. There is nothing wrong with saying you don't know. I don't know if people are familiar with Jung's shadow concept, but that is what it is about. You think Priests planned to molest kids? They don't think they can sin. lol. That is why they are so unprepared for it when the opportunity arises. 

"Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a Shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is."

-Jung

If you think you are good, you are probably bad. 

“When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him. When a man is getting worse he understands his own badness less and less. A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is all right. This is common sense, really. You understand sleep when you are awake, not while you are sleeping. You can see mistakes in arithmetic when your mind is working properly: while you are making them you cannot see them. You can understand the nature of drunkenness when you are sober, not when you are drunk. Good people know about both good and evil: bad people do not know about either.” 

-CS Lewis


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

All "would you ever..." questions should be answered with "I don't know"

When one become certain about something, that is where the problem start
What's the answer to "does God exist?" The only right answer to give is I DON'T KNOW
There are quite a few questions of that type to ask. If your answer is different than "I don't know", it's time to expand your conscience


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

FearAndTrembling, did we just killed that topic?


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

DomC said:


> All "would you ever..." questions should be answered with "I don't know"
> 
> When one become certain about something, that is where the problem start
> What's the answer to "does God exist?" The only right answer to give is I DON'T KNOW
> There are quite a few questions of that type to ask. If your answer is different than "I don't know", it's time to expand your conscience


I was talking to this married woman at work. Since I am a man, she wanted an opinion. What percentage of husbands/bf cheat on their partners? She wanted a number. I kept trying to tell her that is a complex question, but she insisted it is like some physical constant out there that actually exists, and should be able to be measured. 

I just told her, "Some of the best men you know would be tested in some situations." That is all I can say.

and it is the same thing as rape. lol. Like some men have a problem with feminists saying all men are potential rapists. They are. lol. In theory at least. Nobody knows what other people are capable of, much less themselves.


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

No. But then I have never actually been in a position where I had to choose, but if I was the answer would still probably be no. So far I just purposefully keep from getting involved with other interested girls when I am already romantically involved with one.

I can't multitask anyway, so there's that... 

INTJ.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

FearAndTrembling said:


> I was talking to this married woman at work. Since I am a man, she wanted an opinion. What percentage of husbands/bf cheat on their partners? She wanted a number. I kept trying to tell her that is a complex question, but she insisted it is like some physical constant out there that actually exists, and should be able to be measured.


Sex is powerful...a major drive in societies....lots of atrocious things are done to control that drive
I'm not even sure where i stand in polyamory and opened relationships....Is being fateful against nature or not?
It was easier being fateful when the life expectancy was 40yo


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

FearAndTrembling said:


> Exactly. Thread is a joke. Answers are a joke.
> 
> "The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool."
> 
> ...


What utter nonesense. What a shame taking an intelligent human's words and putting them next to "if you think you're uncapable of something you most likely are". Eh, pseudointellectualism at its finest.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> What utter nonesense.


hmmmmm.....no...thinking that this quote is nonsense is....
I will leave it at that...or I'll get an infraction because some people can't take shit
Again It's an head in the ass thinking
Probably is age related


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

DomC said:


> FearAndTrembling said:
> 
> 
> > I was talking to this married woman at work. Since I am a man, she wanted an opinion. What percentage of husbands/bf cheat on their partners? She wanted a number. I kept trying to tell her that is a complex question, but she insisted it is like some physical constant out there that actually exists, and should be able to be measured.
> ...


That is why people hated Jung and Freud. They make you look at yourselves. 

You can see this relationship all over in life. University for example. You got these sheltered kids who never did drugs or drank. But then they get to university, and they go fuckin crazy and jump out a window and kill themselves the first time they get drunk or take acid. They aren't used to it. Whereas a guy like me, has been partying hard for years, and can find a groove. 

I actually did too many drugs. I was foolish. But I learned from those mistakes. Many friends who have died from them, never got a chance to learn. As Jung said, life is not made up of yesterday's only. You can live with yourself.

Jung concedes great merit to Freud, believes his methods work with some patients, notably younger ones with real sexual problems. But, says Jung, both Freud and Adler say to everything. " 'You are nothing but . . .' They explain to the sufferer that his symptoms come from here or there and are 'nothing but' this or that . . . Sexuality, it is true, is always and everywhere present; the instinct for power certainly does penetrate the heights and the depths of the soul; but the soul itself is not solely either the one or the other, or even both together ... A person is only half understood when one knows how everything in him came about. Only a dead man can be explained in terms of the past . . . Life is not made up of yesterdays only . . ."


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> What utter nonesense.


Oh, you're one of _those _girls? A Princess.

*Buttercup*: You mock my pain.
*Man in Black*: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.


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## Son of Mercury (Aug 12, 2014)

Never, I am intensely loyal to the people I actually develop feelings for.

Edit:
Wow. Why did I not put together Type as in MBTI type?


(Based on my functions test)

ENTJ, INTJ, ESTP - Pick one.


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

FearAndTrembling said:


> Oh, you're one of _those _girls? A Princess.
> 
> *Buttercup*: You mock my pain.
> *Man in Black*: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.


Please just stop, get your feelings out somewhere else. Quoting movies only goes so far... Great movie btw.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

FearAndTrembling said:


> That is why people hated Jung and Freud. They make you look at yourselves.
> 
> You can see this relationship all over in life. University for example. You got these sheltered kids who never did drugs or drank. But then they get to university, and they go fuckin crazy and jump out a window and kill themselves the first time they get drunk or take acid. They aren't used to it. Whereas a guy like me, has been partying hard for years, and can find a groove.
> 
> ...


I walked that path also....partied hard....and fell hard....
When one have the chance to escape their self destructing behaviours, the journey to grow conciousness has begun


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

Blue Soul said:


> Please just stop, get your feelings out somewhere else. Quoting movies only goes so far... Great movie btw.


Fe doesn't have its own feelings.

These greater and timeless truths have already been unraveled in song and movie. They sound good too.

I can lie.

I can promise you
You'll stay as beautiful
With dark hair
And soft skin...forever
Forever

Make up your mind
Make up your mind
And I'll promise you
I will treat you well
My sweet angel
So help me, Jesus

Be my angel
Be my angel
Do you wanna die?

​


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

FearAndTrembling said:


> Fe doesn't have its own feelings.
> 
> These greater and timeless truths have already been unraveled in song and movie. They sound good too.
> 
> I can lie.


I'm not saying art is unworthy of thought, but I'm saying we could gain from adopting a less aggressive attitude toward one another.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

ae1905 said:


> Guys gotta do what guys gotta do, but that is sad. It's during pregnancy that your wife needs you the most. It's not always about you. Sad.


While we're on the subject, why can't someone just do it themselves? Why... is it necessary to find another person?


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

ae1905 said:


> Guys gotta do what guys gotta do, but that is sad. It's during pregnancy that your wife needs you the most. It's not always about you. Sad.


Love is selfish. 
It's a ME thing 
If MY needs aren't met.....


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

Sporadic Aura said:


> If you love someone, you wouldn't cheat on them. Maybe I have an idealized version of love, but I kinda emphatically believe that. I also think that perhaps lots of married couples don't actually love each other, or if they did love each other at some point that love is long gone.


You are right. You won't cheat someone you love. It doesn't even enter ones mind when you really love someone

But life can bring you lots of surprises you didn't expect


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## ae1905 (Jun 7, 2014)

DomC said:


> Love is selfish.
> It's a ME thing
> If MY needs aren't met.....





Metasentient said:


> While we're on the subject, why can't someone just do it themselves? Why... is it necessary to find another person?


.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

ae1905 said:


> .


I don't know man, that seems like lust to me, not love.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

I don't really get it...


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## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

Metasentient said:


> So if you said no, how are you so special and why do you think that _you_ are going to defy the odds, and that this will be true for the rest of your life?
> (Obviously I'm exempting those who really are adults and have been married and never cheated on anyone out of principle.)
> 
> How do you explain that less than 50% of the responses so far said "yes"?


Chances a cheater answers this topic are as high as a micropenis dude showing himself on youporn and post a long angry rant vid about men using fake oversized penises on youporn _"because it's statistically impossible that so many people are well endowed"_.

I never run away from my personal issues and excel at solving them. Incidentally, my moral development is off the charts, not the usual breakable principles. The way I function simply cannot lead to your situation. Your odds aren't my odds. My fights are different.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

IDontThinkSo said:


> Chances a cheater answers this topic are as high as a micropenis dude showing himself on youporn and post a long angry rant vid about men using fake oversized penises on youporn _"because it's statistically impossible that so many people are well endowed"_.


So in other words, it's a moot poll. I guess that's been voiced relatively early on in the thread. You're acting though, as if cheating is considered a totally reprehensible thing to all men. I've known some that seemed to find it amusing that they could string along a number of people (one for keeps, other for kicks).



> I never run away from my personal issues and excel at solving them. Incidentally, my moral development is off the charts, not the usual breakable principles. The way I function simply cannot lead to your situation. Your odds aren't my odds. My fights are different.


That's a dangerous way to think. Everyone thinks they're different. Over 50% of Americans think they smarter than the average American. I like to think some things too. It's not to say that you're lying, it's to say that sweeping statements should be made with caution.

No one knows how they'll react when they hit rock bottom, when a presumed benefit ceases, or whatever other curveball hits in life. And that is the best thing anyone can say. That they're trying, that they've put thought into something, but some people are being delusional when they insist that it will "never" happen, or else factoring in certain situational assumptions (what if their girlfriend is sick with something terminal and can't have sex for whatever reason and then a lively and attractive girl who's into them comes along).


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## ae1905 (Jun 7, 2014)

DomC said:


> Love is selfish.
> It's a ME thing
> If MY needs aren't met.....


There's this idea that a man's sex drive is not in his control and it acts on him rather than the other way around. But it isn't true. A man can decide how he responds to his drive. A man can also use other powerful drives or feelings to counteract and control his lust. Like love or empathy. I'll give you an example. 

Years ago I was visiting a friend in a developing country and because I'd never been there I was curious about the place, its people and customs. Because it was still back then a traditional society, women fulfilled fairly traditional roles and open displays of sexuality were almost non-existent. Naturally, I wondered about the relations between the sexes and asked if there was a red-light district where men could find relief. My friend mistook my curiosity and asked me if I wanted a prostitute myself! I said no, I was just curious, and besides, I wouldn't want to catch anything. He said there were prostitutes who had never been with a man. I was a little taken aback, but I said, no, I would feel too sorry for the girl to do anything. And I would. Seeing a girl in that situation would _extinguish _my sex drive. My sex drive is not the most important thing in the world. And if my wife was pregnant, I hope I would look at her and let my love for her guide me to do the right thing, too.

It isn't always about me.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

IDontThinkSo said:


> Chances a cheater answers this topic are as high as a micropenis dude showing himself on youporn and post a long angry rant vid about men using fake oversized penises on youporn _"because it's statistically impossible that so many people are well endowed"_.
> 
> I never run away from my personal issues and excel at solving them. Incidentally, my moral development is off the charts, not the usual breakable principles. The way I function simply cannot lead to your situation. Your odds aren't my odds. My fights are different.


Odds are what they are. They are only odds. If they dont apply that' s fine, but i personaly don't care


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## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

Metasentient said:


> So in other words, it's a moot poll. I guess that's been voiced relatively early on in the thread. You're acting though, as if cheating is considered a totally reprehensible thing to all men. I've known some that seemed to find it amusing that they could string along a number of people (one for keeps, other for kicks).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I

am

noooooot

you.

I don't have any problem with knowing my limits and potential or sweeping generalizations. Sorry for being so smart that I don't need to worry about my superiority bias.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

IDontThinkSo said:


> I
> 
> am
> 
> ...


Wow dude, I'm sold. Go back and read what I asked about the stats, which was initially why the answers here seem to be skewed. Which you answered I suppose, so whatever.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

DomC said:


> Odds are what they are. They are only odds. If they dont apply that' s fine, but i personaly don't care


The question asked "if you love someone...". I'd wager a lot (probably most) married couples who cheat no longer love each other. So we're talking about completely different odds.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

Metasentient said:


> Wow dude, I'm sold. Go back and read what I asked about the stats, which was initially why the answers here seem to be skewed. Which you answered I suppose, so whatever.


Stop harassing the poor fellow
He has a god ego 
There is no point arguying with god
Let's just hope no harm will be done


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## Turlowe (Aug 4, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> I couldn't help mentally shake my head as I read through this. Threads like these are so amusing, if only because they appeal to fairytale fantasies of those on both ends.
> 
> A quick Google search of "percentage of men who cheat" gives me the search engine's informational heading at the top of the page, that 70% of married men cheated on their wives (source: Cheating Statistics: Do Men Cheat More Than Women? | Fox News Magazine) I don't really know trustworthy that source is, but any stat I've seen ranges between 50-70%. (Women at 50-60%, so they're no angels either).
> 
> ...



I answered that I wouldn't but with qualifiers due to the nature of our relationship, I don't think that makes me special, as I mentioned in my post I have a sort of perpetual hall pass that in my mind makes any dalliances I'd choose to have not cheating. I think it's only cheating if it's done without one's partners knowledge and acceptance. I have been tempted, many times, I've been the guy you mentioned in his forties with the wiggly young twentysomething batting her eyelashes at me, I passed on that each and every time. My wife is disabled, not in the extreme sense but enough so that for much of our marriage physical relations have been often painful for her. Knowing I had a normal healthy sex drive and wanting me to happy she made it quite clear that she was okay with me having relations with other women. I chose not to for a couple of reasons, first and most importantly I love her very much, and I want her to be happy too, despite her having given me her blessing I know it would be hard on her to know another woman was doing for me what she couldn't, at least not often. She knows me very well and she knows that I wouldn't just be looking for a physical release, there would have to be an emotional connection, I avoided making any such connections with other women because it would feel like a betrayal to me regardless of whether or not she says that is okay with it. It also wouldn't be fair to the other woman, if I did meet another woman I had feelings for I wouldn't want to be only partially there for her, hurting one woman I love has no appeal for me, hurting two isn't even worth considering. It did sort of happen once, quite by surprise I did fall for another woman, and she fell for me, neither of us was looking for this at all, neither of us had any real interest in such a thing. We became friends and over time grew to be close friends leaning on each other for emotional support until one day we were shocked to realize that we were in love with each other. If we hadn't been separated by geography I don't doubt it would have become physical, I told my wife all about it and offered to break it off immediately, surprisingly though the two of them hit it off very well.

Life is complicated, and it's impossible to predict where it will take you. Yes obviously many people cheat during the course of a long term relationship, though I suspect most of us feel that we wouldn't do so until we're surprised to find ourselves in a situation we hadn't predicted. Much in the same way as many other tests of our morality and ethics it's easy to sit back and make broad sweeping statements of what we wouldn't do until we find ourselves in such a situation, then it's no longer so easy, so academic. most people also say they wouldn't kill or steal, but when they find themselves in a life threatening situation, or see their kids going hungry then things seem less black and white. That's how I would explain most of the respondents saying they wouldn't do so, I think they mean it too, but that doesn't necessarily make it true.


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## .17485 (Jan 12, 2011)

I don't know if I would cheat because I've never been in love before.


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## Apple Pine (Nov 27, 2014)

Only under extreme circumstances. But, I just thought, in that case the relationship wouldn't be a relationship anymore. 

Nop.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

FearAndTrembling said:


> I was talking to this married woman at work. Since I am a man, she wanted an opinion. What percentage of husbands/bf cheat on their partners? She wanted a number. I kept trying to tell her that is a complex question, but she insisted it is like some physical constant out there that actually exists, and should be able to be measured.
> 
> I just told her, "Some of the best men you know would be tested in some situations." That is all I can say.
> 
> and it is the same thing as rape. lol. Like some men have a problem with feminists saying all men are potential rapists. They are. lol. In theory at least. Nobody knows what other people are capable of, much less themselves.


Basically everyone is capable of every crime, in theory. That's why it's a crime to act on it. Not to consider the possibility that you're evil. 

I think this tv series is relevant to the thread. 






I saw the first season of it. One of the things people highlight about the show is that they don't portray cheating/infidelity as inherently "bad". They're showing it from different perspectives (the two people involved in the affair, but I think that's changing next season), so it's seen more as human nature rather than "evil". It makes it interesting because you find yourself empathizing with people having extramarital affairs, since they are the protagonists. There is also a scene where the wife says in therapy (after finding out about it) "You know why I married you? I thought you were safe."


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Basically everyone is capable of every crime, in theory. That's why it's a crime to act on it. Not to consider the possibility that you're evil.
> 
> I think this tv series is relevant to the thread.
> 
> ...


It just shows how stupid and dishonorable people are. lol. It is like joining the military. Take an oath to cede your will to another. No thanks. I don't take oaths like that. I don't serve anybody that way. 

Marriage and love is so arrogant to begin with. These people decide they are in love, and must summon the world to celebrate them. Have these weddings, which are vulgar displays of power, and try to make their lives sound special. It is a product. I don't know how people do it. Ok, you are in love. You have children. What does that have to do with me, and why does it need my participation? Who do these people think they are? Tards in that video. lol. All I know, is that when people get married and have kids, I all of a sudden owe them money. 

It is bad, because these people take oaths in front of their family and friends, but don't mean them. Nobody means anything they say or do. Just don't make promises you can't keep. How hard is that?


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## Glassland (Apr 19, 2014)

Since love is mostly a biological program to keep us together to raise offspring, I can't really answer that question. I've been in love with a woman after we broke up. I would probably still love a woman when she does something bad to me and we were still together. 
Cheating as an act of retaliation/uncaringness? Maybe. Cheating just because? Never. I would not betray the woman I love in a healthy relationship, since I can get sex at home too then.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

FearAndTrembling said:


> I was talking to this married woman at work. Since I am a man, she wanted an opinion. What percentage of husbands/bf cheat on their partners? She wanted a number. I kept trying to tell her that is a complex question, but she insisted it is like some physical constant out there that actually exists, and should be able to be measured.
> 
> I just told her, "Some of the best men you know would be tested in some situations." That is all I can say.
> 
> and it is the same thing as rape. lol. Like some men have a problem with feminists saying all men are potential rapists. They are. lol. In theory at least. Nobody knows what other people are capable of, much less themselves.





FearAndTrembling said:


> It just shows how stupid and dishonorable people are. lol. It is like joining the military. Take an oath to cede your will to another. No thanks. I don't take oaths like that. I don't serve anybody that way.
> 
> Marriage and love is so arrogant to begin with. These people decide they are in love, and must summon the world to celebrate them. Have these weddings, which are vulgar displays of power, and try to make their lives sound special. It is a product. I don't know how people do it. Ok, you are in love. You have children. What does that have to do with me, and why does it need my participation? Who do these people think they are? Tards in that video. lol. All I know, is that when people get married and have kids, I all of a sudden owe them money.
> 
> It is bad, because these people take oaths in front of their family and friends, but don't mean them. Nobody means anything they say or do. Just don't make promises you can't keep. How hard is that?


Lol I think a common mistake is to think that how you feel for a short period of time, up to and including the "I do"'s, is a permanent feeling. But that can fade and then the things you promise to do, well you're not really feeling it anymore. 

So I guess essentially I'm saying people can tie the knot "too soon" sometimes. Although the timeline is very much a case-by-case thing. I don't know if I ever want to get married but if I ever consider it, I'd want to do a relationship test-run first (make it as close as possible to actually being married, before being officially married). That would include how faithful and overall "monogamous" we feel towards each other over a longer period of time. Then most of what changes are just government papers and possibly societal perceptions. Not the relationship dynamics themselves.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> Would you cheat on the woman you love and what is your type



That's dependent upon one's definition of cheating. I was raised with the understanding that cheating is engaging in sexual activity outside of a committed relationship. Based upon that definition, no I've never cheated & I highly doubt that I'd ever cheat.

I've recently been informed that one can be guilty of e-cheating just by developing an intimate bond & feelings of love for another online. LOLOL I think that's ludicrous, but apparently others would disagree.


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## Zaebos (Jul 29, 2015)

I'm an INFP type and I know I'd never cheat on a partner. It's quite hard I've noticed to find someone I truly feel romantically attracted to and them feeling the same way about me so. Plus I've been cheated on before and could never bring myself to make someone feel the same way I did when I found out.


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## chanteuse (May 30, 2014)

those of you say you never would cheat have not been seriously tempted. 

I know a couple of women who seduce married men as sports, to enjoy seeing them succumb to sexual temptation. Their rational is: "You love your wife and is proud to be a faithful husband?" "I am gonna prove you WRONG!". 

Seeing how their targets failed (some resisted longer than the others), I shudder to think that sometimes, all it takes is a chance encounter for a good man (or woman) to make a mistake.....


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

chanteuse said:


> those of you say you never would cheat have not been seriously tempted.
> 
> I know a couple of women who seduce married men as sports, to enjoy seeing them succumb to sexual temptation. Their rational is: "You love your wife and is proud to be a faithful husband?" "I am gonna prove you WRONG!".
> 
> Seeing how their targets failed (some resisted longer than the others), I shudder to think that sometimes, all it takes is a chance encounter for a good man (or woman) to make a mistake.....


I refer to these women as "building inspectors". Or structural engineers. People who see if you are up to code. lol. Men do it too obviously. 

But shouldn't your building be up to code? It should be able to withstand that.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

No.



chanteuse said:


> those of you say you never would cheat have not been seriously tempted.
> 
> I know a couple of women who seduce married men as sports, to enjoy seeing them succumb to sexual temptation. Their rational is: "You love your wife and is proud to be a faithful husband?" "I am gonna prove you WRONG!".
> 
> Seeing how their targets failed (some resisted longer than the others), I shudder to think that sometimes, all it takes is a chance encounter for a good man (or woman) to make a mistake.....


There's a name for repeated "seriously tempting" of unwilling people. The name is sexual harassment. These women belong to prison.


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## chanteuse (May 30, 2014)

Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar said:


> No.
> 
> 
> There's a name for repeated "seriously tempting" of unwilling people. The name is sexual harassment. These women belong to prison.


I wish it was that unsubtle. One gal is particularly good at becoming a guy's confidante. It was not overt or suggestive. She made it look like the guy was the pursuer. She can detect a weak point and then slowly making it weaker until it breaks. In a way she makes a man falling in love with her using ways that speak to the guy's psyche.


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## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

chanteuse said:


> those of you say you never would cheat have not been seriously tempted.
> 
> I know a couple of women who seduce married men as sports, to enjoy seeing them succumb to sexual temptation. Their rational is: "You love your wife and is proud to be a faithful husband?" "I am gonna prove you WRONG!".
> 
> Seeing how their targets failed (some resisted longer than the others), I shudder to think that sometimes, all it takes is a chance encounter for a good man (or woman) to make a mistake.....


One cannot simply "know a couple of women who seduce faithful men to prove them wrong" in the world where I and my partners live. I can't biologically work in a way that will lead me to such situations, it's as simple as that. I will be intuitively repulsed by their personality. I will smell the stench of madness and malice, I'll read it on their face. Not only them but their victims as well will annoy me. They live in the same world, they're part of a same dynamics.


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

Never, one partner is good enough for me. More than enough.


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## Swelly (Nov 3, 2011)

Through the first year of my relationship - yes.

Through the second year - no.

ENTP


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## kevinlolwut (Feb 5, 2014)

Nope. 

If I actually love a woman, I wouldn't cheat on her. During the relationship though, both of us should be open to hearing about if we find someone else hot.

(ENFP)


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## Determined mind (Jul 31, 2015)

No. 

I am INTJ.


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## malphigus (Jan 15, 2014)

nope

entp


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

chanteuse said:


> those of you say you never would cheat have not been seriously tempted.
> 
> I know a couple of women who seduce married men as sports, to enjoy seeing them succumb to sexual temptation. Their rational is: "You love your wife and is proud to be a faithful husband?" "I am gonna prove you WRONG!".
> 
> Seeing how their targets failed (some resisted longer than the others), I shudder to think that sometimes, all it takes is a chance encounter for a good man (or woman) to make a mistake.....


A mistake is slipping on a slippery floor. Slipping on a dick or into a vagina is not a mistake.

A person who cannot control his or her sexual urges is nothing more than a common beast.

If one is determined not to cheat one won't be tempted. If one is already having problems in the relationship and thinking about other people one will permit himself to be tempted.

Many of you forget the question was "would you cheat on the woman you LOVE" (currently) and not "would you cheat EVER".


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Basically everyone is capable of every crime, in theory. That's why it's a crime to act on it. Not to consider the possibility that you're evil.
> 
> I think this tv series is relevant to the thread.
> 
> ...


The show was more about how cheating is destructive, but somehow we *justify it* to ourselves. Back to point one : love is selfish. It will never be entirely understood. It's animalistic, primal in it's nature. It's tied to so many things in your head that you can't possibly wear pink glasses and hope for the best.

Everything is work. Everything is pain. The wisest move is to be serene in life and always be prepared to whatever could happen next.



> A mistake is slipping on a slippery floor. Slipping on a dick or into a vagina is not a mistake.


Man, 8's are just awesome


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

chanteuse said:


> I wish it was that unsubtle. One gal is particularly good at becoming a guy's confidante. It was not overt or suggestive. She made it look like the guy was the pursuer. She can detect a weak point and then slowly making it weaker until it breaks. In a way she makes a man falling in love with her using ways that speak to the guy's psyche.




Jeez when the FBI goes after citizens that otherwise wouldn't have engaged in illegal activity it's known as entrapment.

I hope one of those targeted faithful husbands tells his wife he's being pursued & the wife beats the shit out of lil miss "sporting homewrecker".


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Sygma said:


> The show was more about how cheating is destructive, but somehow we *justify it* to ourselves. Back to point one : love is selfish. It will never be entirely understood. It's animalistic, primal in it's nature. It's tied to so many things in your head that you can't possibly wear pink glasses and hope for the best.
> 
> Everything is work. Everything is pain. The wisest move is to be serene in life and always be prepared to whatever could happen next.
> 
> ...


Yeah, it is about that too. Or at least about actions and consequences, I think they try to show cause-and-effect in a lot of the scenes, especially when it comes to their consciences coloring their memories and future actions. You can almost follow chain reactions of events through the season. Like Noah almost had to set up a scenario for himself mentally before admitting he felt anything for Alison. (Such as seeing her husband as rapey and abusive, and his in-laws getting on his nerves + writer's block giving him reasons to need to get away from his family). So he justified a lot of it before he even cheated. I think it may have been the same for Alison, but that is less clear. She can more easily pin it all down to one thing (grief). Just have heard a lot of talk in cast interviews as well as with the writer, about making it seem more morally ambiguous rather than an overt "bad people who cheat vs good people who don't" story. 

The Affair co-creator Sarah Treem: We wanted to tell a story about two good people

TLDR version


> We wanted to tell a story about two good people. Who were committed to their marriages. This is not the story about people who are serial philanderers, people who are looking to commit adultery, somebody who’s just not a nice person.The idea was that you’re in a marriage, you love your wife, she’s a good woman, you’re a good man. You have kids and then you meet somebody by chance who you think is your soul mate. What do you do?...And then you’ve got a choice to make. We really wanted it from the very beginning to be clear that these were good moral people.Who weren’t looking for this to happen and really were caught in a true crisis.





> And what we’re, I think, interested in is we’re interested in fidelity, we’re really interested in marriage.And how you do or do not stay in one.


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Yeah, it is about that too. Or at least about actions and consequences, I think they try to show cause-and-effect in a lot of the scenes, especially when it comes to their consciences coloring their memories and future actions. You can almost follow chain reactions of events through the season. Like Noah almost had to set up a scenario for himself mentally before admitting he felt anything for Alison. (Such as seeing her husband as rapey and abusive, and his in-laws getting on his nerves + writer's block giving him reasons to need to get away from his family). So he justified a lot of it before he even cheated. I think it may have been the same for Alison, but that is less clear. She can more easily pin it all down to one thing (grief). Just have heard a lot of talk in cast interviews as well as with the writer, about making it seem more morally ambiguous rather than an overt "bad people who cheat vs good people who don't" story.
> 
> The Affair co-creator Sarah Treem: We wanted to tell a story about two good people
> 
> TLDR version


It is Aristotle. The state precedes the individual. Something like a "husband" or "wife" is a political office. The mold exists before you do. You have to fit in it. There are rules and regulations. 

Then here comes the conditioning. Skinner. We are all lab rats. If you reinforce this concept of marriage, and condition people within the idea, you will get people who love each other. They were conditioned to. The mechanism was set up to put them there. 

Most people do not have any kind of special chemistry. It is just conditioning. It is similar to a guy who comes out as gay later in marriage. He says he still loves his wife, and always will. I believe him. He was conditioned to love her. 

When you act like lovers do, you love somebody. Because that is what lovers do. So, the gay guy and his wife are set up as lovers. They do what lovers do, and this is what causes them to love each other. How can one do what lovers do for a long time, and not love somebody? It is a self fulfilling prophecy. It is ritual. Like religion. Faith.

When the Tao is lost, there is goodness.
When goodness is lost, there is morality.
When morality is lost, there is ritual.
Ritual is the husk of true faith,
the beginning of chaos.

"I did not direct my life. I didn't design it. I never made decisions. Things always came up and made them for me. That's what life is."

-Skinner


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## Misaki (Feb 1, 2015)

Would absolutely not cheat on my partner. Loyalty is one of my foremost values. -INFJ


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## Dante Scioli (Sep 3, 2012)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> Would you cheat on the woman you *love* and what is your type


INFJ

Absolutely not, never, no, not for any sum of money or personal reward. Maybe if the world was ending and it was somehow the only way. Maybe.

I'm interested in all the responses from the Ne-doms in this thread saying "no." Is that really true? I am suspicious... or cautious. Maybe it is true that you would never cheat while you loved them, but is your love fickle, fleeting? In my experience, your friendship and respect is...


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

I wouldn't cheat on the man that I love - INFP.


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## SparklingWaves (Aug 25, 2015)

No I wouldn't cheat.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> Would you cheat on the woman you love and what is your type


Would I be able to tell her why? I'll go gay for a million dollars. "Honey, I did it for us".


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Would I be able to tell her why? I'll go gay for a million dollars. "Honey, I did it for us".


Would she get half the money?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> Would she get half the money?


My money is your money baby. Just don't blow it all in one place, as I did earning the money.


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## The Watcher (Mar 28, 2015)

I want to say no, but...heat of the moment, shit happens. I've never cheated on someone I was with, but i have been with women while they were with someone else .As long as i don't know their man or have no intention of being in a committed relationship with them (i'd rather be the one you're cheating with then the one you're cheating on) i'm alright with it. But i did once sleep with a friends girl. I really didn't mean for it to happen, had no intention, but I was spending too much time around her, she got me going one time and...it's like my damn brain just shut off. Couldn't think of anything else.

i was single at the time, but i have to consider the possibility that it could happen while I'm with someone.


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## Psychopomp (Oct 3, 2012)

It depends on the girl. The act of cheating is not intrinsically bad. What is bad is the psychological harm it would cause. That's pretty much it. 

If the girl I loved would be harmed by the act, I would not do it. I'll one up you though, and I say that I would not do it regardless of whether I loved her. It seems odd that my love for her would matter. Even if I did not love her I would still not do it. Inflicting serious harm for the sake of sex when I could end the relationship like a moral human (if that is the right choice to make) and then do the sex.

There are situations, though, where it wouldn't actually harm them that badly. My wife claims that if I were to cheat on her, she'd accept it because I'd only do it if it were morally wise (being honest with the other girl for example). She said, in effect, "if it feels like it will be good for you and her, in an emotional way, you should. I might feel jealous, but I wouldn't feel betrayed." 

What marks the heights of enlightened civilization more than, "Hey, honey, I'm gonna cheat on you in a sec... is that cool?"

I think the fact that we jealously guard our mates is fairly archaic. It is no ideal. Jealousy and selfish fear of this sort lives not much higher in the base parts of the brain than the sexual urges themselves. 

Moral of the story: Don't psychologically traumatize any other person, ever (what's 'love' got to do with it?). Even for the sex. Also, if your partner has the chance at an awesome experience, consider letting them have it.

INTP


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## White River (Feb 13, 2011)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> My thoughts exactly! I cannot understand cheating (ok, I do get the thrill of it). It makes so much more sense to just break up. Less messy, win win situation (you win cause you get to spend time with whoever you want, she wins cause nobody wants a cheater).


I have a feeling that a lot of cheating happens because it's about fun without commitment. Breaking up would remove the stability and companionship, but usually the affair is not going to lead to a relationship in itself. I can definitely see breaking up and moving on being the best option if it turned out that you genuinely thought you'd found a more suitable companion. I would think this is the exception rather than the rule though.

Perhaps in cases that involve pure desire, an open relationship would be a healthy alternative.


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

Drunk Parrot said:


> My money is your money baby. Just don't blow it all in one place, as I did earning the money.


Can I be the woman you love? I can find the gay lover as well. Though I'm not sure who's gonna pay you a million dollars for turning gay. Some japanese reality show's gotta do it though.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Psychopomp said:


> It depends on the girl. *The act of cheating is not intrinsically bad*. What is bad is the psychological harm it would cause. That's pretty much it.
> 
> If the girl I loved would be harmed by the act, I would not do it. I'll one up you though, and I say that I would not do it regardless of whether I loved her. It seems odd that my love for her would matter. Even if I did not love her I would still not do it. Inflicting serious harm for the sake of sex when I could end the relationship like a moral human (if that is the right choice to make) and then do the sex.
> 
> ...


If you're in an otherwise committed monogamous relationship, to that other person's knowledge, then yes it is bad.


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## Psychopomp (Oct 3, 2012)

Children Of The Bad Revolution said:


> If you're in an otherwise committed monogamous relationship, to that other person's knowledge, then yes it is bad.


Psychologically traumatizing or causing emotional pain to another is bed. Any act that causes this to occur is bad. Thus cheating is not *intrinsically *bad because its 'badness' relies on the assumption that it always causes emotional pain, which I argued is not necessarily true. Shooting a gun isn't bad. Having that shot aimed at, or accidentally hit, someone else, is bad. 

I was not trying to justify cheating, but get to the meat of it as a moral question. To some this may seem semantics, but it is not. It refines our understanding and gives us insight.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Psychopomp said:


> Psychologically traumatizing or causing emotional pain to another is bed. Any act that causes this to occur is bad. Thus cheating is not *intrinsically *bad because its 'badness' relies on the assumption that it always causes emotional pain, which I argued is not necessarily true. Shooting a gun isn't bad. Having that shot aimed at, or accidentally hit, someone else, is bad.
> 
> I was not trying to justify cheating, but get to the meat of it as a moral question. To some this may seem semantics, but it is not. It refines our understanding and gives us insight.


Shooting a gun is different to cheating in a relationship. You have the forethought and decision to cheat on your spouse, having done so you lack respect and love for that person and because of that you have hurt them and others in the process. You have control over your actions; it is a bad thing to do because it's meant to be. Otherwise, people wouldn't do it so much - if not for the 'thrill' that comes with it, perhaps.


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## muslamicinfidel (Aug 2, 2015)

Men are only as faithful as their options - Chris Rock


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## Psychopomp (Oct 3, 2012)

Children Of The Bad Revolution said:


> Shooting a gun is different to cheating in a relationship. You have the forethought and decision to cheat on your spouse, having done so you lack respect and love for that person and because of that you have hurt them and others in the process. You have control over your actions; it is a bad thing to do because it's meant to be. Otherwise, people wouldn't do it so much - if not for the 'thrill' that comes with it, perhaps.


Okay, say that a man cheats on his spouse. He feels guilt for this and hides it for a long time. Eventually, his wife finds out. She is devastated. He says, "I am so sorry for cheating on you", and she rebuffs him, "I am not angry about that... I am angry that you hid it from me."

This is actually not as uncommon as you think. People don't all automatically think or feel about things in the same way you do, or for the same reasons. It is entirely possible that his wife DID NOT have a problem with infidelity, but was instead troubled by deceit or lack of trust. 

In this scenario, it was not the cheating that caused the pain, but lying. Had he cheated and been honest about it, she might have accepted it and it might not have psychologically traumatized her or caused her significant emotional pain. She may have told him that it was a relief that he had some other sexual outlet, or even emotional one. Some people feel good about that and even encourage their partners to pursue it. I have seen it many times. 

You are equating the pain with the act. In probably the majority of cases, they might as well be one in the same, so your conflation will work well enough... but it is problematic because it is mis-defining the problem - mis-stating the question. 

It is causing harm that is morally wrong... and there are many things that might cause harm, but since people are different, there cannot be blanket statements about it. I am telling you that some women (and men) are not deeply affected by infidelity in and of itself.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

And I'm telling you most people are bothered by the act of infidelity in a relationship.


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## Psychopomp (Oct 3, 2012)

Children Of The Bad Revolution said:


> And I'm telling you most people are bothered by the act of infidelity in a relationship.


Most people are terrified of losing someone they love. Most people are deeply hurt by callous deceit. Most people are very embarrassed by being set aside or rejected. There is also a social stigma aimed at the person cheated on, a sort of denigrating pity that can be very hard to be the recipient of. There is also a competitive edge, the anger of losing or having something stolen. There is also a lot invested in the specialness of monogamy - of something very intimate and sacred, which can feel adulterated by infidelity... and thus ruined or diminished. 

So, yes, many (perhaps most) people are a great deal more than bothered by the act of infidelity in a relationship. But, any act that can be done without harm is not intrinsically harmful. By definition.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

L'Enfant Terrible said:


> Can I be the woman you love? I can find the gay lover as well. Though I'm not sure who's gonna pay you a million dollars for turning gay. Some japanese reality show's gotta do it though.


Love? I figured we could get married as a contractual agreement, with you receiving 250k for the commission and I receiving 750k for the act. Also, we'd have to have consensual intercourse, before and after, to wash the shame away. Of course, bringing dishonor upon myself, in Japan, is not really a big deal for me.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Nope. ENTP.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

I only cheat on tests and in life whenever possible. Never on partners.


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## The Hammer (Aug 24, 2015)

Wouldn't even think of it. ESTJ.


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