# Can men and women be.... "just friends"?



## ruth2ten (Jun 25, 2011)




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## KneeSeekerArrow (Jan 8, 2012)

Yes, but for me, that only became possible after I was surgically castrated.


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Why on earth couldn't they? If the sexual attraction argument is brought into it, then let's assume both the man and the woman are homosexual. There, men and women can now be friends to close-minded people.


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## MelissaC (May 23, 2012)

Theoretically.

In my experience, no.


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## d_arnold (Feb 1, 2011)

Well, yeah, if my female friends are in relationship with someone else then that would work out.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Why wouldn't it work out? I have male friends, but keep in mind I'm a "gamer chick" who isn't an "e-whore" who plays video games (primarily) with married men. And if the wives hear me make a snappy comment while talking during a game, I seem to win brownie points with the wife.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

To answer this question like I have many times before:

This is a heteronormative question assuming that all males and all females are heterosexual and thus being heterosexual will always be attracted to the opposite sex. It forgets to add in homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, and whatever other orientations one may be. If this held any water, bisexuals would want to fuck each and every one of their friends which really wouldn't work for most groups of friends. As for pansexuals, we won't even get into that.

As I've stated before, just because someone shares the biological sex OR gender identity that you prefer does not automatically mean you are going to be sexually attracted to them. If you have a preference for red hair, it does not mean each and every person with red hair you may know is on your _to-do list_. Humans and their sexuality are not that easy to pinpoint. People are capable of maintaining platonic friendships with those of their preferred sex/gender identity.

I have plenty of male friends, I have plenty of female friends, even if I'm attracted to some people of their sex/gender identity, it does not mean I can't possibly maintain a platonic friendship with them. Anyone who cannot maintain non-sexual friendships with others based on their sex/gender have issues.

Unless like, they're into that kind of thing. Then just stay away from them if that's not what you like.


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## hazzle92 (Mar 2, 2010)

If you have interests in common I don't see why not.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Definitely, obviously there may or may not be that phase of attraction questioning at the start but why not, sounds too much like asking if someone would sleep with the first person they saw! Depends really, if friendship needs less emotional or intellectual compatibility at times, then again some people can have the '1 off fling' and carry on as normal depends upon the individuals involved.


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## ruth2ten (Jun 25, 2011)

There seems to be some hostility toward this thread, an toward me for posting it, which I find very confusing.

First off...some posts are missing, but they show up in my email, so maybe you all can't see them.

If people post on this topic a lot, perhaps it's a topic that interests people and they want to learn other people's views on the subject so they can continue to grow and learn from other people who have already gained more insight into this area. Hence the reason people ask a question and a reason other people post their responses. Receiving knowledge and passing it on to others seems to be a main point of PerC.

@_Fizz_ & @_skycloud86_
As I stated earlier, please feel free to remove the thread (your member status and sparkly name indicates to me that you far out rank me in ability and knowledge on how to go about this). I did not post this thread to make your life unpleasant in anyway, I had no foreknowledge that you would be in any way, even slightly annoyed by my posting this thread. I have already contacted @_NekoNinja_ by PM and asked him to remove the thread so that it wouldn't further annoy anyone, but I have not received a reply.

Final comment...I am very well aware of my need to gain knowledge about broken personalites, healthy personalities, and how to go from broken to healthy so that I may grow to be a benefical person in this world and not an annoy drain to anyone. I have found PerC to be a place to gain much knowledge in this area and also healing. I simply wish to be allowed the opportunity to continue learning in this forum, and be given the grace I need to learn from my mistakes.

Peace


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

The problem is that we have numerous threads about the same subjects. If people really want to discuss such a subjective and, I mean no offence here, simplistic topic, then perhaps we can have one thread in this subforum and sticky it?

The topic itself assumes that all men are the same, and all women are the same, and that any contact between the two has to be either sexual, or eventually turning sexual. It assumes that we are all heterosexual, that we are all sexual (as opposed to asexual), that we are all cisgendered, and it also assumes that human beings are prisoners of their own instincts, with no possibility that men and women can either control those instincts, or not be so influenced by them.

As for the thread, I can't remove it as I am not a moderator. I used to be, but resigned that position last year.


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## ruth2ten (Jun 25, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> The problem is that we have numerous threads about the same subjects. If people really want to discuss such a subjective and, I mean no offence here, simplistic topic, then perhaps we can have one thread in this subforum and sticky it?
> 
> The topic itself assumes that all men are the same, and all women are the same, and that any contact between the two has to be either sexual, or eventually turning sexual. It assumes that we are all heterosexual, that we are all sexual (as opposed to asexual), that we are all cisgendered, and it also assumes that human beings are prisoners of their own instincts, with no possibility that men and women can either control those instincts, or not be so influenced by them.
> 
> As for the thread, I can't remove it as I am not a moderator. I used to be, but resigned that position last year.


Well at least this is a more constructive post than the last ones you and @Fizz posted (and are now mysteriously deleted).
Again...Contact the moderators and ask them to delete this thread since it bothers you. 
Ask them also to help keep all the other, more ignorant people, who have not reach your high level of understanding, to never post stupid questions/threads/polls/ or posts that force you to read and reply to them, causing you unnessasary annoyance. I've already tried to have it deleted.


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## NekoNinja (Apr 18, 2010)

I don't see anything wrong with this thread, and unless the OP wants it closed there really aren't any issues here (sorry @ruth2ten but we can't delete entire threads.) I wouldn't worry much about people making repeat threads, and I'm not sure why people are making such a big fuss here. It's fine to give advice to try and check if a thread has been posted recently in the past, especially if someone is new. But there is no reason to make such a big fuss over it. It's not that big of a deal people. If it's a topic you have seen before you don't have any obligation to read it or respond.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

ruth2ten said:


> Ask them also to help keep all the other, more ignorant people, who have not reach your high level of understanding, to never post stupid questions/threads/polls/ or posts that force you to read and reply to them, causing you unnessasary annoyance. I've already tried to have it deleted.


Don't assume things I never posted. I wasn't calling anyone ignorant or stupid, but wouldn't it have been easier to search for a thread on this topic?


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

NekoNinja said:


> I don't see anything wrong with this thread, and unless the OP wants it closed there really aren't any issues here (sorry @_ruth2ten_ but we can't delete entire threads.) I wouldn't worry much about people making repeat threads, and I'm not sure why people are making such a big fuss here. It's fine to give advice to try and check if a thread has been posted recently in the past, especially if someone is new. But there is no reason to make such a big fuss over it. It's not that big of a deal people. If it's a topic you have seen before you don't have any obligation to read it or respond.


Perhaps, like I suggested, a thread on this topic can be stickied in this subforum, so that people who want to discuss the topic don't need to make another thread about it.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

@ruth2ten 

Yes, why not?

Men and men being friends is more hard imo, its easier to be friends with gay people then with guys. Maybe its just me, other guys I have met are boring or I don't get the lingo/attitude of being competitive and I don't care much for typical guy stuff outside of the IT/PC area. (not much to base friendship on)....unless <.< you are TR on the upcoming PS2 beta and you are on my server!


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

ruth2ten said:


> Well at least this is a more constructive post than the last ones you and @Fizz posted (and are now mysteriously deleted).
> Again...Contact the moderators and ask them to delete this thread since it bothers you.
> Ask them also to help keep all the other, more ignorant people, who have not reach your high level of understanding, to never post stupid questions/threads/polls/ or posts that force you to read and reply to them, causing you unnessasary annoyance. I've already tried to have it deleted.


I don't know why the posts have been deleted, we haven't been notified as to why. As it has been stated, we have these threads pop up quite frequently. If you go back a couple pages I'm sure you will find one. I don't really see the point of being passive aggressive about this. I often look to make sure I'm not re-posting the same topic in a sub-forum.

I answered your question and you didn't acknowledge that post it seems. OK, I'll save you some time

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/94984-can-men-women-just-friends.html

That was posted in April this year, third page back. They're in different sub-forums, and plenty more in this sub-forum.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

If I can touch her breasts now and then and from each according to his annoyance threshold, to each according to his needs. Keeps the friendship healthy.


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

I quote from some interesting posts I read on other forums recently on the nature of the sex drive and how to control it:

"That being said, when I've wanted my sex drive to lessen or go away, I've found being very stringent about avoiding any sexual discussion, movies, readings, talk, etc helped by not fanning the flames. I also practiced seeing everyone around me as a sister or brother - a technique I've heard monks and nuns doing. Other than that, just getting older helped."

"I suspect the combination of pressure body contact that triggers release of oxytocin, exercise that trigger endorphins, and the brain activity that triggers serotonin together with genitalia stimulation might work as an unconscious verification that sex has been accomplished. So if you can fake these things  simultaneously it might work."

Now, if you're also talking about a relationship that lacks not only sex but also some amount of emotional connection? Probably not. Even many asexuals will feel some sort of emotional connection to others, and sometimes it's specific to sex - heteroasexuality isn't too uncommon. But then again, if one already has a strong connection to a specific person (and it isn't sexually motivated), it may be more unlikely for them to develop another strong connection with another.

Even for sexually active individuals, I think it's still likely for them to be just friends with various members of the preferred sex. It would depend on how strongly they feel about doing someone that already has a significant other, or maybe religious practices. Maybe they just decided themselves that it would be irresponsible to have sex with certain people. All in all, there are a variety of circumstances that could leave two individuals of mutual attraction completely celibate and possibly even emotionally/intellectually distant.


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

Chose only under certain circumstances. 

The one which comes to mind is if you are both in separate contented relationships.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

Urgh, the interview only covered a sample of people.

Of course, men and women can be friends without the sexual/physical/ 'chemistry' elements involved -___- The rule of 'can't' in this case doesn't apply to all.


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## TrailMix (Apr 27, 2011)

I think women have an easier time with it than men. Of all my guy friends whom I have become close to, only two of them didn't end up liking me and one was my gay friend and the other has been in a committed relationship for a couple years. It really sucks because it always ends relatively poorly because usually the guy thinks I'm leading him on or something (though I dont see how grabbing a bite to eat once every blue moon is leading someone on, and its not like I'm a flirt either) and goes on to call me "selfish" or "bitch" or "slut" which really dont apply because its not like I'm particularly experienced romantically and I spent most of my time listening to THEIR problems.

It just kinda bugs me, or maybe I've had a particularly poor experience with guys and being "just friends". Now that I am in a committed relationship however, it is a lot better because now the guys can KNOW that there is no romantic intention with getting to know them.

So yeah... Its definitely possible cuz I can have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex without romantic attraction, but I think it is a little harder for guys to say that there is "no attraction".


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## Enkidu (Apr 19, 2010)

Of course! As with any relationship, there are always social boundaries that have to be observed. These are a matter of consideration- it's a subtle balance of levels of intimacy between two people. Just because a man and woman are geared to be sexually attracted to each other, that does not mean that every friendship is irreversibly fated to be so. Friendships have to be redefined on a continuing basis, especially to account for romantic partners outside of it. I see this as a major issue - men and women need to connect more - of respect between genders.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

NO NO NO, a girl can't be 'friend' with a guy. I think it's too dangerous because it increases total amount of looosy boossy sexual relations on this planet (temptation lies in every man), which also means that the total amount of std's increases. So a big NO!


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

BeauGarcon said:


> NO NO NO, a girl can't be 'friend' with a guy. I think it's too dangerous because it increases total amount of looosy boossy sexual relations on this planet (temptation lies in every man), which also means that the total amount of std's increases. So a big NO!


Are you being serious or are you joking?


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

These sorts of questions always sort of grate on my nerves, like all people want is to have sex with everyone they know? Can lesbians have female friends? Can gay males have male friends? Oh noes! They might all try to sex each other or secretly want to! I mean really? Obviously men and women can be just friends.


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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

Two of my best friends are female.Nothing ever sexual..


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

Eerie said:


> These sorts of questions always sort of grate on my nerves, like all people want is to have sex with everyone they know? Can lesbians have female friends? Can gay males have male friends? Oh noes! They might all try to sex each other or secretly want to! I mean really? Obviously men and women can be just friends.


Lol you obviously don't know how men think... And I'm not talking about myself because I don't sex with people, it's dirty and I don't like std's!!!


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

BeauGarcon said:


> Lol you obviously don't know how men think... And I'm not talking about myself because I don't sex with people, it's dirty and I don't like std's!!!


Then don't bone your friends and you wont get one, problem solved.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

All my non-romantic male friends are in long term relationships. Therefore yes. I can be "just friends" with guys. What they want is their business.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

BeauGarcon said:


> Lol you obviously don't know how men think... And I'm not talking about myself because I don't sex with people, it's dirty and I don't like std's!!!


Not all men think the same.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> Not all men think the same.


Of course not. But that doesn't mean that there is not a way of thinking/behaving that is dominant in a particular group, and this group being male as a whole.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Fizz said:


> To answer this question like I have many times before:
> 
> This is a heteronormative question assuming that all males and all females are heterosexual and thus being heterosexual will always be attracted to the opposite sex. It forgets to add in homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, and whatever other orientations one may be. If this held any water, bisexuals would want to fuck each and every one of their friends which really wouldn't work for most groups of friends. As for pansexuals, we won't even get into that.
> 
> ...


Good points and I wish to expand upon this where it appears as if people perpetuate the myth that men would for some reason be more interested in sex than women do. 

Most of my friends are men because I'm a gamer chick as well. I see no problem with that to be honest. Maybe some of them secretely wish to engage with me in a relationship but if that was the case, then men and women would be fucking everybody left and right.

Friends are still friends despite if there are underlying romantic feelings or a need to develop friendship into a romantic relationship. And that goes both ways.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

BeauGarcon said:


> Of course not. But that doesn't mean that there is not a way of thinking/behaving that is dominant in a particular group, and this group being male as a whole.


I really don't like how you perpetuate this myth. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you've been taught to think this way or whether it is biologically natural to think this way.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

LeaT said:


> I really don't like how you perpetuate this myth. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you've been taught to think this way or whether it is biologically natural to think this way.


Not a myth: boys like to play football (soccer for you americanies) and the male body is perfect for football, girls have wide hips they are not good for playing football therefore they can not be friends with boys, boys will never see them as friends, they are nothing more than sex objects for them (not what I think, but a lot of boyz think like this). The sad and natural truth...


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

BeauGarcon said:


> Not a myth: boys like to play football (soccer for you americanies) and the male body is perfect for football, girls have wide hips they are not good for playing football therefore they can not be friends with boys, boys will never see them as friends, they are nothing more than sex objects for them (not what I think, but a lot of boyz think like this). The sad and natural truth...


The analogy completely irrelevant to what I said but it proved my suspicions that you're one of those people supporting biologism.

Plus your analogy isn't even true. You're basically saying that just because apples are green and oranges are orange apples will always desire oranges.


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## Svensenberg (May 13, 2012)

Of course they can. You can even be friends with your past SO if you just drop all of the baggage. Easier said than done sometimes though


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## ProfessorLiver (Mar 19, 2011)

Depends if one is attracted to the other, which is usually the case, and if it is, it can't stay like that. That's why it's better to have no friends at all!


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

BeauGarcon said:


> Not a myth: boys like to play football (soccer for you americanies)


Some do, not all, just like some girls like to play football.



> and the male body is perfect for football, girls have wide hips they are not good for playing football


There are quite a few women's leagues around.



> therefore they can not be friends with boys, boys will never see them as friends, they are nothing more than sex objects for them (not what I think, but a lot of boyz think like this). The sad and natural truth...


You're not being serious, are you?


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

ProfessorLiver said:


> Depends if one is attracted to the other, which is usually the case, and if it is, it can't stay like that. That's why it's better to have no friends at all!


Why is it usually the case?


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## Love (May 20, 2012)

I have almost always had a male best friend and a female best friend from the time I was a child and still do.


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## FillInTheBlank (Dec 24, 2011)

Impossible my a**. Yes, men and women can be just friends. It isn't guaranteed that every guy friend a girl has would develop an attraction to the girl. And besides, not all men like girls anyway.

I've had a bunch of guy friends while I was at school and while it is possible that some of them may have liked me, I wouldn't have been able to find out for sure. If these friends did like me, then they sure were good at hiding it.


What I've noticed in the video was that every girl responded saying "Yes" to the question of can men and women be just friends while pretty much every guy responded "No" to the same question. Statistically, men develop an attraction to women more quickly than women develop an attraction to men so I think it would make sense as to why a guy may have a harder time being friends with a girl rather than the other way around. In many cases, it may take longer for a woman to develop feelings of attraction to a friend of the opposite sex. I hear more about men and women being friends while the man secretly likes the woman rather than while the woman secretly likes the man.


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## xEmilyx (Jan 3, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> Actually, most can be. It's only the immature who cannot.
> 
> 
> 
> In some ways, yes, but mostly, no. The male and female brains just aren't that different.


lol okay well i guess we can agree to disagree


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## Evergreen23 (Feb 19, 2011)

Hi, I'm gayer than a diamond-studded rainbow ending in a Broadway musical starring Neil Patrick Harris and Ellen DeGeneres. And I have male friends. So, um, yeah.


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## Arbite (Dec 26, 2010)

Most if my friends are female. Of my two closest, one is like a little sister to me. I'm protective of her, but not in a jealous friend sense, I just care about her deeply. The other one is more of a 'bro'. We've actually slept together several times now, but remain strictly friends.


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## SumSamurai (Sep 9, 2010)

Yes, yes and yes awkwardly! I associate myself better with men than women.. I've tried finding friendship with women, it's just... Our interests are different. :/ I don't do gossip, soaps and or even have a clue about how to style my hair lmao. (To be fair I know some men can be gossip queens). 


Men, on the other hand... Initially, they think i'm flirting with them whereas in fact, i'm just friendly. Once they know where I'm at, they're k with the whole friend thing..


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Both yes and no. I think it depends on the individuals involved, their maturity level and the dynamic they have. I would expect my future partner to have female friends and I male friends. 
I would naturally communicate less with my male friends if I were to become involved in a serious committed relationship. Not that the communication would cease altogether. Just that the dynamic would take a more neutral form. I'm pretty flirty by nature. Not in a trashy way, just playful.If I had that SO in my life, I would be excited to put all my flirty, feisty, playful energies into that one person. But I'm single so ... I just have fun with my personality. And all my guy friends know I'm fairly prudish so, it's all good.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

SumSamurai said:


> Yes, yes and yes awkwardly! I associate myself better with men than women.. I've tried finding friendship with women, it's just... Our interests are different. :/ I don't do gossip, soaps and or even have a clue about how to style my hair lmao. (To be fair I know some men can be gossip queens).
> 
> 
> Men, on the other hand... Initially, they think i'm flirting with them whereas in fact, i'm just friendly. Once they know where I'm at, they're k with the whole friend thing..


THIS is why I have an Easier time making guy friends over girls, but I really try to maintain my female friendships too. I like to have both. But for sure can relate to this post. Even more so when I was younger. As an adult I have the common thread of mom stuff. It's hard to relate to females when your not into talking about shoes. I like shoes. I just don't like wasting my time talking about shoes or other people.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

SumSamurai said:


> Yes, yes and yes awkwardly! I associate myself better with men than women.. I've tried finding friendship with women, it's just... Our interests are different. :/ I don't do gossip, soaps and or even have a clue about how to style my hair lmao. (To be fair I know some men can be gossip queens).
> 
> Men, on the other hand... Initially, they think i'm flirting with them whereas in fact, i'm just friendly. Once they know where I'm at, they're k with the whole friend thing..


Buuh...doncha think you're a bit stereotyping of the female kind?

I'd like to point out that there are at least 20 bajillion girls out there who prefer male friends to female friends. Might you think it's possible that maybe THESE are the types of females you should be searching for?

Also, guys who think girls are flirty just for talking to them make me lawl. Then again, girls who flirt intentionally but then lead them on by realizing it's a game and start to mean nothing by it upset me.

I have a hard time trusting circles of friendships when I see guy-guy-guy-girl-guy-guy-guy-guy. There's no way I am to believe that those guys view you as a "friend" *shiver*.


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## SumSamurai (Sep 9, 2010)

Shinji Mimura said:


> Buuh...doncha think you're a bit stereotyping of the female kind?
> 
> I'd like to point out that there are at least 20 bajillion girls out there who prefer male friends to female friends. Might you think it's possible that maybe THESE are the types of females you should be searching for?
> 
> ...


It's the vast majourity of women in general. I have yet to meet a girl 'IN PERSON', who is interested in talking about anything else other than shoes or the next celebrities sex life.. eek...


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## SumSamurai (Sep 9, 2010)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> THIS is why I have an Easier time making guy friends over girls, but I really try to maintain my female friendships too. I like to have both. But for sure can relate to this post. Even more so when I was younger. As an adult I have the common thread of mom stuff. It's hard to relate to females when your not into talking about shoes. I like shoes. I just don't like wasting my time talking about shoes or other people.


Thankyou, thankyou and thankyou! *Takes a bow* :wink:


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Shinji Mimura said:


> Also, guys who think girls are flirty just for talking to them make me lawl.


I agree.



> I have a hard time trusting circles of friendships when I see guy-guy-guy-girl-guy-guy-guy-guy. There's no way I am to believe that those guys view you as a "friend" *shiver*.


I doubt all of the men in the friendship circle will be like that.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

SumSamurai said:


> It's the vast majourity of women in general.


You've met the vast majority of the three billion women in the world? Including the ones who don't live in the West and therefore don't have the same culture as you? Including the ones who would love to be able to gossip and go shopping, but instead are starving to death, or being treated like second class citizens?

Yes, a lot of women are as you describe, but there are many reasons why, including societal expectations, gender roles. The culture of a country also plays a large part as well.



> I have yet to meet a girl 'IN PERSON', who is interested in talking about anything else other than shoes or the next celebrities sex life.. eek...


Firstly, personal anecdotes prove nothing. Secondly, you must not know many women if all of the women you've ever met in person were the exact same, concerned only about shoes and celebrities.


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## User (Apr 23, 2011)

Nahh, no way...:laughing: ...well, excluding medical conditions.


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## SumSamurai (Sep 9, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> You've met the vast majority of the three billion women in the world? Including the ones who don't live in the West and therefore don't have the same culture as you? Including the ones who would love to be able to gossip and go shopping, but instead are starving to death, or being treated like second class citizens?





skycloud86 said:


> Yes, a lot of women are as you describe, but there are many reasons why, including societal expectations, gender roles. The culture of a country also plays a large part as well.
> 
> 
> 
> Firstly, personal anecdotes prove nothing. Secondly, you must not know many women if all of the women you've ever met in person were the exact same, concerned only about shoes and celebrities.





Oh eh, current world population is at 7.1 billion, I think more than 3 billion of them are female.. Yeah, culture is a factor but it wasn't mentioned in this thread and I'm sure it doesn't differentiate that much. I live in the south of England, it's quite densely populated and I haven't seen many girly geeks that just pull anything out the wardrobe like i do. And ok, just because 'I' haven't seen them, it doesn't mean they don't exist... You know these types of girl are few and far between. :happy:


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

User said:


> Nahh, no way...:laughing: ...well, excluding medical conditions.


Why, and what medical conditions?


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

SumSamurai said:


> Oh eh, current world population is at 7.1 billion, I think more than 3 billion of them are female..




Yeah, I was estimating. It's likely that just over half of those 7.1 billion are female.



> Yeah, culture is a factor but it wasn't mentioned in this thread and I'm sure it doesn't





> differentiate that much. I live in the south of England, it's quite densely populated and I haven't seen many girly geeks that just pull anything out the wardrobe like i do. And ok, just because 'I' haven't seen them, it doesn't mean they don't exist... You know these types of girl are few and far between. :happy:


Geekiness is not seen as a socially acceptable or desirable quality in women, so women generally aren't encouraged to be geeky, and pressured to be more inside the feminine box.


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## SumSamurai (Sep 9, 2010)

User said:


> Nahh, no way...:laughing: ...well, excluding medical conditions.



Looooooooooool !!!


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## User (Apr 23, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> Why, and what medical conditions?


Its too difficult to have a boundary unless the person is buttfuck ugly. In those cases its just acquaintances. Not sexist at all D: Damn it.. I am


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## SumSamurai (Sep 9, 2010)

User said:


> Its too difficult to have a boundary unless the person is buttfuck ugly. In those cases its just acquaintances. Not sexist at all D: Damn it.. I am


That's not sexist.. That's Ugliest! And actually, I think the uglies are more likely to be friendzoned - Don'tcha think? Let's not forget, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and love makes people do strange things... THANK CYBER GOD FOR CREATING TEH INTERNETS!!!


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

User said:


> Its too difficult to have a boundary unless the person is buttfuck ugly. In those cases its just acquaintances. Not sexist at all D: Damn it.. I am


Yes, you are a sexist, and shallow as well.


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## User (Apr 23, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> Yes, you are a sexist, and shallow as well.


At least i can prove you I'm not shallow: my ideal date would be if she picked up me at 4pm and we went to a local gas station for some spicy chips.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

User said:


> At least i can prove you I'm not shallow: my ideal date would be if she picked up me at 4pm and we went to a local gas station for some spicy chips.


And what about her appearance? Would you feel any different depending on her physical attractiveness?


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

ruth2ten said:


> There seems to be some hostility toward this thread, an toward me for posting it, which I find very confusing.
> 
> First off...some posts are missing, but they show up in my email, so maybe you all can't see them.
> 
> ...


I just want to tell you that I don't think you made a mistake here at all. This is absolutely one of those "mixed bag" issues that intrigues a lot of people who enjoy gaining a variety of perspectives for whatever their personal motivations. Now I don't see too many posts but the one post that I found ridiculous was by Fizz who started the post with the "Like I said before" ... as if you were posing the question to him personally. If he answered the question before and didn't want to rehash the topic, why did be bother posting? 

It's absurd to apologize for throwing anything out on this forum. I've come to notice certain people boasting "I've debated this topic several times." Okay - that's nice dude. Here's a cookie for not accomplishing anything other than perfecting your debating skills that serve no purpose here. On a personal level for whatever their profession is out of here - great. Otherwise, what's their deal? 

Try not to apologize unless you honestly feel that you've done something wrong. I'm not perfect as I'm sure people have noticed I'm human and throw my little hissy fits when people don't want to get along, which is kinda an oxymoron  

And try (something I am working on myself) to NOT feel bad when people are offended by something you know was not intended to offend. I am trying to handle those situations by starting with "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then proceed to re-articulate myself in attempts for a more appropriate clarification of my position on whatever issue. 

I like this thread. I'm enjoying learning the different opinions on the topic. I also thought the video good! AND I DO have more intelligent lengthy rambly opinions on the topic but haven't the time nor desire to post so I kept it brief. Only because like I said, this is definitely a grey zone issue ... which in my world entails looking at it from many MANY angles and MUCH to much abstract language would be involved. I am trying to learn to improve the weaker areas of my communication. Blah! This was long! *brevity fail  *


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## User (Apr 23, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> And what about her appearance? Would you feel any different depending on her physical attractiveness?


Realistically, of course.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

User said:


> At least i can prove you I'm not shallow: my ideal date would be if she picked up me at 4pm and we went to a local gas station for some spicy chips.


and people give me a hard time about MY sarcasm 

LoL!! Your funny! :crazy:


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## ruth2ten (Jun 25, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> I just want to tell you that I don't think you made a mistake here at all. This is absolutely one of those "mixed bag" issues that intrigues a lot of people who enjoy gaining a variety of perspectives for whatever their personal motivations. Now I don't see too many posts but the one post that I found ridiculous was by Fizz who started the post with the "Like I said before" ... as if you were posing the question to him personally. If he answered the question before and didn't want to rehash the topic, why did be bother posting?
> 
> It's absurd to apologize for throwing anything out on this forum. I've come to notice certain people boasting "I've debated this topic several times." Okay - that's nice dude. Here's a cookie for not accomplishing anything other than perfecting your debating skills that serve no purpose here. On a personal level for whatever their profession is out of here - great. Otherwise, what's their deal?
> 
> ...



Thank you for your encouraging words @Ningsta Kitty, but I'm going to ask that this thread be closed. There are plenty other threads on this topic that skycloud86 and Fizz can help you find, since they're the ones who were annoyed by my posting this thread in the first place. As I stated in an earlier post...their posts were deleted by admin. Fizz retired soon after I started this thread. skycloud86 has no interest in being a friendly person to me on PerC and will simply go on my ignore list. Even his/her added comments today are just pointless for me to read. This was my first thread and I've learned a lot from it.
You are delightful to know Ningsta Kitty.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

ruth2ten said:


> Thank you for your encouraging words @_Ningsta Kitty_, but I'm going to ask that this thread be closed. There are plenty other threads on this topic that skycloud86 and Fizz can help you find, since they're the ones who were annoyed by my posting this thread in the first place. As I stated in an earlier post...their posts were deleted by admin. Fizz retired soon after I started this thread. skycloud86 has no interest in being a friendly person to me on PerC and will simply go on my ignore list. Even his/her added comments today are just pointless for me to read. This was my first thread and I've learned a lot from it.
> You are delightful to know Ningsta Kitty.


Your so sweet. I suggest we make an alliance. 

I toughen you up a bit ... and you soften me up a bit, LOL!!!!


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## ruth2ten (Jun 25, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> Your so sweet. I suggest we make an alliance.
> 
> I toughen you up a bit ... and you soften me up a bit, LOL!!!!


You got it kid!! :laughing:


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

ruth2ten said:


> Thank you for your encouraging words @_Ningsta Kitty_, but I'm going to ask that this thread be closed. There are plenty other threads on this topic that skycloud86 and Fizz can help you find, since they're the ones who were annoyed by my posting this thread in the first place. As I stated in an earlier post...their posts were deleted by admin. Fizz retired soon after I started this thread.


We were annoyed because this is probably the hundredth thread on this asinine topic, and each and every time people need to explain that men and women (or gay men/women and so on) can be just friends. This is obvious to anyone who has matured, or who actually lives in reality.



> skycloud86 has no interest in being a friendly person to me on PerC and will simply go on my ignore list. Even his/her added comments today are just pointless for me to read. This was my first thread and I've learned a lot from it.


That's incorrect, and I have no interest in being unfriendly to you at all. As for the pronouns, I'm biologically male. I'm not too bothered by which one is used.


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

What exactly are we all debating about? If a man and a woman--both who just want to be friends and want to share ideas--get together, then they will stay just friend.

If a man or woman--who either have motives--get together, then perhaps they will develop feelings. 

It's all about the motives. 

But in general, a friendship is based around the common idea of coming together to form a bond based on sharing rather than lust.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

I like Purple 



skycloud86 said:


> We were annoyed because this is probably the hundredth thread on this asinine topic, the fact you find it asinine makes me wonder why you couldn't have just, passed the topic up ... I'm confused.
> 
> and each and every time people need to explain that men and women (or gay men/women and so on) can be just friends. I didn't think it was a dictionary of explanation - I thought it was more about sharing perspective. also, what of the people who just started the forum and might not see "older" threads. I'm still confused why it irks you so much. Weird.
> 
> ...


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## Enkidu (Apr 19, 2010)

Holy hell, what happened to this thread?! I never realized this was such an emotionally charged subject. What happened to the civil discussion? I just see groundless insults and a separation of the sexes. *shakes head*
:dry:


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## ruth2ten (Jun 25, 2011)

Enki said:


> Holy hell, what happened to this thread?! I never realized this was such an emotionally charged subject. What happened to the civil discussion? I just see groundless insults and a separation of the sexes. *shakes head*
> :dry:


I'm sorry. I've request that it be closed.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

I'm sorry :sad:

It didn't mean to jazz it up worse than it already was. 

Next time I'll keep my mouth (fingers) shut. And bite my tongue.

But I also think it's not very fair to allow people to bulldoze sweet kittens like @*ruth2ten*

So I'm torn ... These are the moments I think I should "retire" and find a new hobby http://personalitycafe.com/members/ruth2ten.html


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## Joey Couturier (Jul 20, 2012)

Planking!


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## Shades of Gray (Jan 13, 2012)

Not in my personal experience, but I'm sure it's fairly common.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> _the fact you find it asinine makes me wonder why you couldn't have just, passed the topic up ... I'm confused._


That's not an argument, any more than "if you don't like X, leave X" is.



> _I thought it was more about sharing perspective. also, what of the people who just started the forum and might not see "older" threads. I'm still confused why it irks you so much. Weird._


There's a search available, and it's quite obvious why it irks me so much as I have already stated why.



> _This is just a rude assumption. Because clearly, it is not obvious to you .. that if you don't like the topic - WHY CLICK ON IT?!_ _What's that about maturity now?_


How is it rude? Assuming men and women can't just be friends is like assuming the other sex has cooties.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

skycloud86 said:


> That's not an argument, any more than "if you don't like X, leave X" is. exactly. just because I'm a prude doesn't mean other people should be. If I don't like it, I don't do it. That was the concept I was relaying.
> 
> There's a search available, and it's quite obvious why it irks me so much as I have already stated why. yeah but. What if they literally are not that bright. I mean seriously, what if someone were disabled. Would you hold that same harsh mentality.
> 
> How is it rude? Assuming men and women can't just be friends is like assuming the other sex has cooties.


 because you said it is obvious to anyone who has matured. I think it would be unfair of me to expect you to see things I find obvious. Because our brains collect information different. We also mature differently, IQ/EQ. I also don't think this is a black and white topic. So no, it isn't going to be an obvious "yes, they can be if they have reached the mental level I have" That is why I found it rude. 

But I learned something from the spat with Funky Town Avatar Guy ... I learned I really, REALLY ... need to keep my mouth shut. And to respect that other people handle their conflicts differently. I should not have said anything. If however it would have been directed to me initially, THEN I would say something because I have different standards of how I want to be treated. 

Kung Fu /Bow ... 
we shall steer clear of each others company from this day forth. 
There is enough space for both of us as far as I can tell ...


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## Macrosapien (Apr 4, 2010)

Nope. Man and woman can not be friends, because it's a natural phenomena for a certain level of attraction to form, from either side, which will affect their relationship with their bf/gf, or is the result of some problem that exist, which is not being resolved or noticed. And this does depend on proximity and the duration that interaction happens between the "friends". There is a reason or theory behind this, but I won't get into any of those ideas. I'll just say a man and a woman can't be friends, but depending on proximity/distance, duration, if their boyfriend/girlfriend is with them when they meet up with their friend, or if they even have a boyfriend/girlfriend will affect it. For instance, if you are a male and you go out with a female friend, like spend time together hanging out just the two of you, and you have a girlfriend you are committed to or vice versa, something is wrong with this. But if you, like bring your boyfriend/girlfriend along too, than it's different. In this case there isn't much of a problem, well sometimes when this happens the "friend" can become jealous, because you aren't giving them the same attention as before. 

What's worst is to have a friend of the opposite sex, whom you go to about your problems with your gf/bf. Shouldn't have to go out of the relationship to solve problems, should be able to discuss them with each other. 

In any case, my conclusion is no. It is not possible, but there are circumstances where it can be less bad.


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