# Can men and women be just friends?!?



## KingFrog (Feb 15, 2012)

I can be just friends with girls I'm not sexually attracted to!
...Just not girls I am sexually attracted to.


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Mainstream social rules would say, no way can they be friends. I notice single women and unavailable/spoken-for men get lots of social flak for spending time together. People do not trust people to have strong and consistent boundaries, I guess. If a wife is that uncomfortable then maybe she could benefit from strengthening her trust in that person she is most supposed to trust, or something.

I have two friends in my life who are men. One is closer than the other. Both have asked me out more than once, and I have turned them down more than once. I imagine they got the hint after the second and third rounds because they stopped asking. We are still friends. I have trouble with the cattiness of many women, so I am more comfortable with male friends in many cases. 

I wish society would trust me to have a strong, "no thanks," and that would be that. Are they attracted to me, probably, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends if they can look past that. I've also had male friends who never did ask me out. I don't think this question has a one-size-fits-all answer.


----------



## Intellectual (May 25, 2012)

yeah if you are both in a relationship already but even then love find its way around the corners


----------



## Ama (May 27, 2012)

Can men and women be friends...?

That is quite complicated. From my experience, it my become easier with age. I am now mid-thirties, I am totally committed to my love and I can be friends with other men. The question is, if they can. I am emotionally not as attached most of the time. So, easy for me to be friends. I think, erotic is very often a topic. It has to be brought up and be discussed. For me, everything is cool, when my rules and principles are absolutely clear and are understood. There is no discussion. If my principles cannot be accepted or are to be undermined, feel free to walk into a different direction. I wont care-really. That applies mainly to the principle that I am in a relationship and that I am committed. If someone sits across me with wet puppy eyes trying to weaken that principle, I will be pissed off. Because that represents a huge lack of respect and this is not worth to be friends with.


----------



## NingenExp (Apr 4, 2011)

i guess we're talking about heterosexual men and women, so maybe, i have no idea


----------



## Adrianl (Apr 12, 2012)

To answer the topic question:

Yes.


----------



## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

Most people (at some distance) appear as better partners as friends than as couple. Take this example...

Woman FRIEND, excellent, begin a relationship and things will not quite work the same... split? ok friends again... suddenly everything seems fantastic. It happens even on divorced couples (not every single one but it happens).


----------



## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

ESTP males can be my best buds. The thing is I can be around an ESTP forever and never develop any feelings for them or even an attraction. I think it's such a bro/sis type of friendship. ESTP's are everything I am not except when we get together we are like high school idiots who go around and prank people, and quote everything pop culture. I think ESTP males can really be my bestfriend. They're the only ones I reminisce about when I think back to my fun times.


----------



## blooddrivendream (Jun 14, 2012)

I'm fine being friends with males. 
And I'm fine being friends with people I'm somewhat attracted to. It just turns to white noise to me. If they're not interested I tend to loose interest or drift away. 
A mutually flirtatious friendship is fine. As long as both parties are content with that and there are no jealous significant others.


----------



## 22575 (May 23, 2011)

Sure men and women can be friends, sometimes it's just difficult to navigate to a point where both parties feel that way or to find someone who is in that state right off the bat.

Also I think there is a bit of a conflict in terms of how women view men versus how men view women which complicates the story. On the whole, I think it's easier for women to view a man as just a friend. (the term 'misattribution' was mentioned in another thread. Basically men have a lower threshold for what qualifies as 'more than friendly'). Now as to where this comes from, well eggs are expensive and sperm is cheap so women are more liable to seek strong emotional relationships with someone who will take care of their genetic material in the form of children whereas men will seek sexual loyalty from a number of partners to spread their genetic material. 

There is a psychological survey that can be taken to test this. It consists of one question: do you prefer emotional loyalty or sexual loyalty (if you can only have one and not the other). On average, women tend to pick emotional loyalty and men sexual loyalty. So it may be that the development of friendships with men is a evolutionarily advantageous for women because it forms an emotional bond assuring security. This effect is exacerbated by the fact that any number of these men might be sexually attracted to the woman and competing for her affection.


----------



## zebraf301 (May 26, 2012)

It's harder when you are single, but definitely not impossible.


----------



## hesperidian (Apr 29, 2012)

You can find a man-friend if he is not attracted to you (by your look) but as we age it is very hard to find male friends as kids it was a lot of easier, but if you can it is always great to have gay friend


----------

