# Self Autism Spectrum Diagnosis - Male Age 24



## Glenda Gnome Starr (May 12, 2011)

you might want to look into "nonverbal learning disability." A psychologist could test you and find out if that might be the cause of your problems. People with this disorder do tend to be quite verbal but they have problems that make them seem to be autistic.


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## koobi (Jun 16, 2014)

I would unfortunately have to disagree, I am sorry but what I was trying to say was not to blame my parents. 
Although it may sound that way, it is not what I was trying to say in my post, although I feel I did not get the time I needed from them, they always did their best and they really did a very good job raising us, just not that much on the emotional side, it was more a thing of not listening, or not digging deeper than the superficial answer of "good".
Me telling the story is only half the story, as I have been through this story so many times lately, I am actually over telling it, but besides that, part of the problem is I feel everyone knows everything about me, like they know my backstory and that they have actually read all of my recent posts, which is Illogical in itself. But I constantly feel this way, and forget to add more details to the story, I am not very good at getting to the point.

Besides everything, my life in all ways and all things can be described and explained by high functioning autism/asperger's. A broken pecereption of what people require from me, misinterpretation of what people say to me, and an illogical way of looking at social rules, social norms and social expections.

Probably the reason I am trying to argue on the forums instead of just drinking a beer with someone after work instead of watching tv with my father while I argue on the tablet. But let me explain what I meant in my post 


My parents see me as normal - 99/100 kids is normal and not high functioning autistic, so why should I be different
always considered me lazy - I would not study but achieve 70- 90% by paying attention only in class, not do projects, no interest in school
and pushed me to do things I did not want to do - stop playing gameboy, leave pokemon cards alone, get off pc, get off internet, play sports..
What they wanted me to do/be did not get me accepted - the right thing, being good, is not fun, does not get you to fit in with the fun kids or group
but I did not want to upset them- what kid does
so I did as I was told to to the best of my ability - try focus on school/keep silent in class/avoid detention/never fight/respect 
but it would never be doing the right/normal thing - I would want to do the opposite, being bad gets you friends, doing what you want is not what is needed
I never understood this, I never understood why I must do something - question normality, society, rules, people, yet follow rules/society/rules
I never understood why people did what they did and I never understood people - my natural was different to others normal
I have never understood myself and why I did what I did the way I did it. - what made me different, FHA
I always felt that no one had time for me, time to listen, time to spend, time to ask me questions, the thing I had so many answers to. - This was my perception, how I would see and interpret things, how I would interpret things being said, asked.
like my head is too fast - over analysis of everything, the cause of my perception impairment. (Most important of everything)
I stopped saying anything about my true feelings for many many years, I just gave them the responses that I knew they wanted to hear. - deal with life, be unhappy, know what response I will get, so just delt with life unhappy.
But no one really ever dug deeper, no one noticed anything was wrong because I knew they did not really want to hear the answer. - my broken perception
I love helping people, I love being needed, I love being asked - what everyone wants, autistic kids more than anything
they never asked me what I wanted, they always told me what I had to do - thats what you do to kids, kids get told what to do. Perception of instructions is at fault.
I have been conditioned into waiting for a command, or waiting to be asked - unless I get asked, I am to focused on my own obsession, whats infront of me
If I am told, I would do it, without much fight, but I would not be happy doing it. - broken routine, perception of free will, kids must just listen.


Your parents do NOT see you as "normal," they spent your entire life telling you that you were NOT okay as you were and that you had to be better. So you internalised the message "There is something wrong with me, I just don't know what it is because my parents tell me they love me but what I am is never good enough."

My parents did see me as normal, spent my entire life telling me I could do better, something was different about me, knowing there is something wrong with me because socially I was nlt normal within society. Brain was to fast and my perception of everything was wrong, that is what is wrong with me 



Sorry I am trying to argue but I cannot anymore, I have accepted I have found my answer, I have finished my quest and I know what is wrong with me. I have high functioning autism, I applied that to my life, I can see why I am different, I have completed my obsession and I have lost interest 
I have already moved on because I found my answer and I am happy with what I have.

I am on dopaquel and on serdep
I cannot argue my point because the antipsychotics is making me see clearly, slowing my brain and making me see past my broken perception of my life. I have gotten my answer and it is time to move on with my life  once I had my answer it was like the INTJ doorslam.
The serdep (serotonin reuptake inhibitor) has stopped my compulsive behaviour, so I am just feeling normal and clear 

I have made peace with myself, my life and am finally happy.
I will feel shitty tomorrow probably, but realised as long as I keep my stress low, I should not have depression, anxiety and just stick to my meds.
Need my diagnosis from the professional, but my quest for self understanding is over 

I know I must just do the opposite of my normal impulses, and I would thrive in my new routine.
Instead of avoiding social interaction, I must embrace it
Instead of not answering the phone, I should say hello
Instead of saying no to spontaneousness, I should embrace new things
Instead of talking, I should listen
Instead of arguments, I should agree
Instead of farting out loud - I should keep it in or silent and blame the dog
Instead of seeking help - I should help others
Instead of living internally - I should try harder to live externally
Instead of using my logic - I should use normal peoples logic
Instead of keeping silent - I had to speak with my parents
Instead of trying to do things on my own - I should accept help
Instead of saying what I feel - I should think before I speak
Instead of waiting to be asked - I should pay attention to what needs to be done, and offer help


As long as I can focus, keep my brain on a leesh, I can control it.
Being HFA is amazing, because I have the best of both worlds
As long as I use my brain, instead of waste it on trying to be my perception of what normal is.


My perception is broken, I should just substitute it with the thing I would rather not do, and do it.

Thank you for your help @JungleDelRey
It may seem like you didn't, but to me you really did help 

Thank you


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

Well you know yourself better than anyone else. See how you go now that you've solved the mystery.

I'll add, you mention themes of; having trouble understanding authority, preferring to do your own thing, using drugs as a crutch to help deal with your emotions, being an over-achiever, developing and dropping obsessions once you "figure" things out, brain being "fast" - that sounds just like a normal "gifted" child. I'm surprised you haven't said ADHD or even ADD...

But you should see a professional, diagnosing yourself never is the way to go. Seriously.

Anyway, best of luck.


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## koobi (Jun 16, 2014)

Thank you for the awesome post 

Not sure if I mentioned it but I have been on a life long quest to figure out what is wrong with me, that is why I have been trying so hard over the last month to figure it out. My symptoms kicked up when I went through the breakup, quitting the weed, quitting smoking, quit my routine. I suddenly dropped my past life, and started a completely new routine. 

As I left weed, my symptoms got worse and worse as my brain got faster and faster. It was always like I had 10 thoughts in my head at once and I could never cope with this. Especially going through the breakup, it broke my routine, caused immense stress and I had to find out what went wrong in my life. So I dug into my life to find the problem. I broke down about 5 mental blocks within my mind and the emotions were to much to cope with. The brain could only see the worst possible outcomes and eventually trying to respect the girlfriends wishes for silence, I tried to respect not messaging her till ths point of anxiety attacks. She agreed I can message her when I really must and that made it easier. Thats about 10 days ago, I had to keep digging for the answers, became my obsession to find it.

Its a combination of antipsychotic med, serotonin reuptake inhibitor, knowing the gf still has love for me just not inlove and the solution to what is wrong with me. Then the quest was over like a intj doorslam. I can understand everything about myself, so I can accept myself and be happy with myself. 
For the first time in my life I can actually understand why I am different, even though people disagree with me on HFA, I believe it to be true, it fits better than anything.

Schizotype is actually extremely close to what I have, as I do have personality issues 
I could pick myself up because I could understand myself, I am so happy I almost dont care about the diagnosis anymore, even though it would be nice, I think it will be dragged out long just be more trouble than its worth. Like going to university for paperwork 

Being FHA is great, but does not really give anything more than pure understanding that I am normal 
And if the general population cannot see that, it just shows our point of view is different 

The gf left me because she is at university and needs some freedom, she is 20 and after 6/7 years I can completely understand. My love for her is unconditional and she is my best friend. But the long distance is not good because we both need to grow. Me especially, but she has never found who she is without me and that is also important  I will grow and get her back another time 

She is my diety and bain of existence, I live to love her and support her in her decisions, and I know she did what is best for us, I can logically understand and therefore it is a good thing. Otherwise I would not be here, still smoking and smoking weed. Now I am fixing myself and on the path to a better future.


What was wrong with me is I could not understand what made me different, now what is right with me is what makes me different. 
If you read up on schitzotype you will understand why I am on antipsychotics, but the dopaquel could also be used for autism, and so could the serdep. Either way I am feeling normal, can control my impulses and depression is gone, it comes and goes, yet, I just need to keep my stress down and keep FHA symptoms in mind, and then I have the guide to live my life 

I probably do have ADD or something, weed helped for it in a way, but it is also explained by HFA, but either way, I will be on some pill for a long time, it is just to find out what, but I am happy with the current cocktail.

I have emailed my Professional all my findings, he will read jt prior to my wensday visit then we will discuss what his view is.i will take forever tl verbally communicate 

I have never been much into hobbies, I liked collecting things my whole life, before weed, I use to collect coins, pokemon cards, pokemon tazo's, even cought em all in ruby and sapphire, series and movies, then I stopped. Weed gave me diverse interests, weed became my interest and was a full time hobby.

I bought a harmonica, and I am really enjoying learning it. Its a way to force people to listen to me and it makes me very happy. I have gotten "good" at it very quickly, not that difficult, but its awesome.

Girls should not get hard love, also very much depends how it is dished out, we got it given with understanding, a tool to learn usually 4 - 6 shots on the bumb while laying over the bed. Once it is done its done, cry a bit then laugh it off. I should have gotten more hidings, but it is a reason to behave, because you only get 3 warnings in a day.. but not all families are like this sadly..

Thank you for your message, you can add me on skype if you feel like a chit chat sometime  @Paris Geller


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## koobi (Jun 16, 2014)

JungleDelRey said:


> Well you know yourself better than anyone else. See how you go now that you've solved the mystery.
> 
> I'll add, you mention themes of; having trouble understanding authority, preferring to do your own thing, using drugs as a crutch to help deal with your emotions, being an over-achiever, developing and dropping obsessions once you "figure" things out, brain being "fast" - that sounds just like a normal "gifted" child. I'm surprised you haven't said ADHD or even ADD...
> 
> ...



Did I say i smoked weed for an emotional crutch? I think someone else said that maybe?

I smoked weed to be able to fit in, once I started I felt normal for the first time in my life, I got group friends, diveree interests and it slowed my mind.

Weed apparently does give diverse interests to autism patients and it allows them to find interest in things besides their obsession, but then it gives you side effects like paranoia, delusional thoughts and social withdrawal. But I had my problems before weed, weed was a relief kf depression, anxiety, single obsessive habits, got me into a group. The wrong group, but pot smokers do nothing but sit around and have tims, they listen to me and agree with my illogical beliefs. So I could feel comfortable in that group. Lol
Best was they did nothing, so had time for me, hours of time, not minutes.
But I am much better on dopaquel and serotonin reuptake inhibitors

I was never diagnosed with add or adhd, it is what I meant by brain being fast, but it seems like such a simlle diagnosis, I dont understand why my parents would not have looked into that. I was not hyper active, and j did wikipedia it and did not really match one of the 3 subtypes, but predominantly inattentive would have been the closest one.

I definitely am gifted, I know that 
I just couldn't understand how to fit in, social standards and people, still cant, but can now that I believe I am FHA 

The GP will probably think I am lying because I figured it out, or think I have munchhousens syndrome 

I live in delusional states so FHA is the answer to progress forwatd and leave the quest, and be happy


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

So if you have autism, and you're sure you're autistic... why did you create this thread? I'm really confused.

You've created this thread not for feedback but to reaffirm your autism it seems.

edit: Smoking weed is a way of suppressing or "dulling" feelings. If you can't feel isolated and alone, you no longer believe you are...

edit, edit: your level of self-awareness is insane for someone who genuinely believes they are autistic. It's like a narcissist knowing they are a narcissist and being okay with that... it rarely happens that way. To an autistic person, similar to a narcissist, everyone else is the problem, not them. Your posts don't reflect that lack of self-awareness. All I read in your posts is someone desperate to fit in somewhere, especially with people who are "defected" in a way. You also have to read up on your autism before you can explain it... which is weird. An autistic person would just be able to tell you what they think and not need a website to be able to explain themselves. In fact, it's the other way around - the autistic person uses other references as a way of explaining other people's behaviour or just social interaction in general...


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## koobi (Jun 16, 2014)

JungleDelRey said:


> So if you have autism, and you're sure you're autistic... why did you create this thread? I'm really confused.
> 
> You've created this thread not for feedback but to reaffirm your autism it seems.


Well to get feedback of course 
Have I convinced you yet? 

When first making this thread, I was still under the impression that I had asperger's, but it was soon pointed out that I had too high intellectual level of speech for asperger's. By this fact being pointed out I went and did more research, and jumped to the next possible level of autism which is High Functioning Autism. 

So had it not been pointed out that I spoke to well via text, I would still probably be arguing that I had asperger's syndrome 

Imagine me being Greg House
Imagine you and others being a wall
I bounce my ideas
like his beautiful red ball 

But if I did diagnose myself, I hopefully saved much time I would have spent uncertain in therapy. 
I cannot speak my thoughts to the psychiatric doctor, it takes to long and I cannot get to the point
I need answers and I need to get on with my life.
I am not a cash cow, meds are expensive enough
I dont even like money. Lol

One thing to remember: It's never lupis


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

Yeah... no, I don't buy it.

Sorry, but good luck with that autism. If you get the diagnosis, send me a copy and I will eat my hat on youtube.


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

As a younging, I was diagnosed with intersensory processing disorder, which is connected to autism in a way supposedly. The reason I was diagnosed was because I didn't speak until I was 3...or was it 4? Hmmm... My parents took me to see a psychologist. They said I was different because I had an emotional response to people(maybe more open), more than an autistic person may exhibit. I guess it was obvious I was maybe looking for praise or love or something(I am dead serious, I've seen documents that said something along these lines!). Intersensory processing disorder/SPD isn't fully acknowledged as a disability though, so it's in kind of a gray area. 

Later though, I went through physical (maybe occupational) therapy type exercises because I was a bit awkward and over-sensitive to certain clothings and physical situations. I was also placed in an LD class for a lot of my public schooling(not really defined thoroughly). I am still kind of physically awkward at times, so this hasn't really gone away for me. Though sometimes I enjoy playing sports with others. The only sport I'd say I am decent at is basketball. There's often a fear of me playing sports with other people or competing. 

I don't know if this helps you at all, but I've been diagnosed to something related to autism as a young child.


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## koobi (Jun 16, 2014)

Hey Bro

Thank you for the feedback  I will give it a google and read up on intersensory processing disorder

I do hear some similarities between what you are saying and myself.

Seeking praise and acknowledgement is definitely one of the things I desire, possibly why I enjoy speaking here on the forum and getting responses so much, good and bad, but I enjoy communication, digitally much more than in person, as I can communicate much better via text.

"They said I was different because I had an emotional response to people" - as in you were a really happy and friendly child? I have heard some people say that about me when I was young, but that stopped as I went into primary school, where classes got bigger and attention became less. Then I became really unhappy in school. I did befriend "special" kids when I was young also, but really seeking acceptance from a group.

"over-sensitive to certain clothings and physical situations" - this is one of my problems, I hate wool, I can not wear wool because of the fabric and also I cannot wear a tight sweater, I always explained it like a octopus sucking on to me, I would feel suffocated. Also I can not use the toilet (poop) with clothes, or socks on. It would be impossible to wear shoes at the toilet for me. I also would pee outside instead of using the toilet most of the time. I wouldnresist using the toilet in unfimiliar locations. Impossible to use public toilet, or strangers toilet. As a child, when we went away, I would only poop at my grandmothers house, or hold it. Once I went away for 7 days and held it in. Lol
I explain oversensitive to social situations as my broken perception, the way I interpret the social encounter, group activity and anything negative said to me.

"Though sometimes I enjoy playing sports with others." - same here, but I would rather sit out and watch or speak to someone 1 on 1 while the rest play, I am fairly scared of trying anything new, but as soon as I try, then I usually enjoy it, but am very hard on myself as soon as I make a failure, especially after a few failures, feels like they would be better without me in the game. 

The only sport I'd say I am decent at is basketball - I would say this about squash, besides it being 1 on 1, I feel comfortable with the partner I play with, but I refuse to play by the rules, the only rule I have is keep the ball going, even if you need to hit more than once to save the ball, keep the ball going. Playing with score ruins the point in the game for me, slows the game and cools the ball down. I just enjoy running and hitting the ball  I am good at this, but I have had some practice in the last few years, so very comfortable with it now. I have never been able to really catch a ball, and I am very inaccurate when throwing rocks and balls.

The only sport I'd say I am decent at is basketball. There's often a fear of me playing sports with other people or competing. - I feel the same way  I dont like keeping score, I do not care who wins, I just want to enjoy the game, but in a group there is rules, people and expectations. It would usually be a mixture of introvers with many extroverts, so some would be happy together, and some would stand and watch them, trying to figure out why they do this(like me).

I do not care to watch any sport on tv, I do not see the point of caring for your team, I see the logic that it does not matter, but feel people watching sport js them reliving their sport days, if that makes sense. So I cannot relate 
Are you interested in watching basketball? (As you enjoy playing it a bit )

Thank you for your post bro, will give it a read in a bit 
Posts help me gain new knowledge and help me explain myself


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## alipp6306 (Jul 1, 2014)

Koobi, I haven't read all the threads on this, but I wasn't sure if anyone mentioned asperger's syndrome. It is a low grade form of autism. Autism has become such a go to diagnosis that aspergers has been pushed aside by many doctors. My son is 7 and has been diagnosed with aspergers, the small things he does and even as you mentioned some of the other things are very common. I did however see you are feeling focused and well which is a plus. Wish you the best and trust me when I say your not alone, you sound like a very smart, intelligent, and goal oriented person. Peace and love


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## koobi (Jun 16, 2014)

alipp6306 said:


> Koobi, I haven't read all the threads on this, but I wasn't sure if anyone mentioned asperger's syndrome.


Thank you for your feedback 
It looks like you made your first post in this thread  Thank you for that 

It has been mentioned, I match all the symptoms of it, but it has also been pointed out that my level of speech/text is to intellectual to be diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.
No one is really taking into account that I can hardly spell and my tablet smartphone is making me seem much more intelligent than I actually am at typing out of my own head 
One of the big problems in my life is the fact that I was different, obviously everyone is different to everyone else, but I was more different than most of the other kids. By knowing this I always tried to be the same as the others, which did not really work out for me to well.
Had I known why and how I was different, I would probably not have tried to be the same as everyone else, and I would not have been making the choices and decisions that I have made as a child. 
Trying to be normal, trying to be something I am not.
This is why I think it is very important for a child to be diagnosed, as a child, because then there is still things you can do for him, like inform him that he is different so that he can focus on being himself instead of trying to be what he percieves himself to be  if that makes sense 

Looking back I can now see why I felt, interpreted and did the things that I did as a child and as a growing adolescent, the way that I did.
I could have made better choices, because they would have been informed choices, if you get what I mean 

When I was born, in 1990, it was not yet a thing, asperger's or any degree between autism, so you were ever normal or clearly different. 
It only because a diagnosis in the early 90's to late 90's, so I believed I slipped through the cracks.
I am very normal in almost every way, but internally I am very different, and being seen as normal has been a life long battle, where I could have actually just been focusing on better things.

Theres a good chance I think, that any kid from the 90's, who could not fit in, was obsessed with pokemon and knowing every single possible fact about the pokemon universe, in order to use it to make friends with common interests. Most likely have some degree of autism or autistic tendencies. I suppose normal kids could also have done this, but as everyone is different. 
Birds of a feather flock together, and I think many of my friends are actually the same as me.
I have few true friends that I have been friends with for a long time, but we are all the same, in one way or another.
Very normal, but very different 

I wish you the best of luck in life, focus on his special interests and hopefully he can become a master at it one day and find his place in life.
Also when he is older, try teach him to do the opposite of what he wants to do, usually the opposite of what I want to do, is what I actually should do or should have done 
It is crazy logic, but I can apply it in hindsight


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## alipp6306 (Jul 1, 2014)

I agree with your ending statement. He has quite the obsession for dirtbikes and anything with wheels, right now our main focus is to try new things and try to stay positive in anyway possible, but at the same time I believe in passion of self knowledge, in knowing what you want versus what you think you "need", in reality we need nothing just want too much. Thank you for the feedback and your insight.


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