# Angry people scare me.



## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

Amelia said:


> How do you react to someone who is angry? Especially if they're pissed off at you in particular.
> 
> For some reason, I am absolutely terrified if someone close to me is angry with me. I have no idea why.
> Growing up, if my parents' were pissed, I was secretly very afraid of them. I would completely shut down and put my emotional barriers up, even if they were yelling at me for something insignificant. I did the same with friends and other authority figures when I was in grade school. Currently, my boyfriend is angry with me, and I have no idea how to handle it. I just keep a blank face and don't look at him in the eye. I'm very non-confrontational when it comes to conflict and anger, and I never know what to say to angry people.
> ...


If it's somebody close to me, and especially if I they are right, I get paralyzed... I simply freeze, and my heart kind of sinks, I might even turn teary eyed. If it's somebody not so close to me, and especially if they are unfair, I get extremely angry very fast, like 0 to 120 mph in 5 seconds... like a short-circuit, it can get pretty intense... some people physically retreat by stepping back, one ESTJ 8 who was unfairly verbally abusing a loved one felt the urge to leave the room.

Also, as @_Alles_Paletti_ mentioned, there are different kinds of anger... sometimes you need to stand up and set up a boundary (in response to a temper tantrum), but sometimes it's the frustration in another talking, maybe he's been repressing a reaction to an irritant for a long time and has reached a boiling point... in this case his needs may just need to be acknowledged, he may feel unheard, discounted etc.


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## Rala (Apr 1, 2015)

There's a difference between violence and anger. Angry people do not scare me. It's always chill and cool people who scare the shit out of me.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

I don't understand this thread.

I though OP was asking for advice, but I just see people commiserating...

I do not know how to contribute to this conversation.


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## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

stiletto said:


> I don't understand this thread.
> 
> I though OP was asking for advice, but I just see people commiserating...
> 
> I do not know how to contribute to this conversation.


I think people may be responding to the "I feel like I'm alone in my fear, but perhaps I'm not.
I'd like to see what PerC thinks." in the OP.


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## SolitaryNight (May 14, 2015)

stiletto said:


> I don't understand this thread.
> 
> I though OP was asking for advice, but I just see people commiserating...
> 
> I do not know how to contribute to this conversation.


Maybe its because in the end they all truly do not know how to deal with the problem so instead they sympathize with each other, instead of finding a solid answer to offer to the OP.
Or perhaps by sympathizing they are showing how they deal with the issue, which is not really that different from how to OP deals with it. Maybe there is no "right" way to deal with anger, but a large web of variables that depends on the situation, So it is very difficult to give a "good" answer since we are not that person and we cannot experience her experiences in the way that she has to derive a specific answer to her question. Well, there 's always speculation but... It's interesting nonetheless.
P.S Yes, she might have been looking for an answer but she did not specifically ask for it. Instead she asked for our experiences with anger and how we cope with it, thus the replies stated above.


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## Kiawaki (May 5, 2015)

I used to feel very similar to @Amelia. The way we learn to react as children, we often continue doing something similar as adults in times of emotional stress. The strategy I developed is approximately:

1) remind myself that I'm not a kid anymore, but a resourceful adult
2) remind myself that the other person is not my parent
3) breathe, give myself time to consider a reasonable, adult and truthful response
4) practice a supportive inner dialogue if the other's reaction is toxic. 

This works well for me. It's still a stress on a neurological level, but I've learned to stand up to bullies and even initiate conflict sometimes.


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## YaRil (Sep 13, 2015)

Hmm...
My theory is this:
The human brain detects that, when someone is angry, they tend to be threatening. Therefore, it triggers out Fight or Flight response, thus creating an unstable situation. It's all about survival, really.


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## Milton Satir (Sep 12, 2015)

Anger is the result of feeling as if your boundaries have been crossed. You might consider taking note of what context the angry person is in when they experience anger. It might give you some information beyond the obvious.


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## Marvin the Dendroid (Sep 10, 2015)

With irrational fear. I know it's a dysfunctional pattern I've inherited from my mother (my father has anger issues) and I can control it to a certain degree (I don't actually run, just feel _very_ uncomfortable) but haven't been able to shed it yet. I virtually never feel anger when dealing with people, only inanimate objects and occasionally pets. Another dysfunctional quirk from my mother.


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## kirakishou (Sep 1, 2015)

When a person is mad at me, I just let them speak and try to explain it. This usually winds them down, their sail loses wind, and then we can end with a nice chat of a solution. If thats what they even want. I notice alot of the time people just have bottled up shit that comes out at random and is completely unrelated. So it depends on the situation to know if they are even mad at me or not.

It doesn't scare me much, it used to make me uncomfortable, but now half the time I am just studying them like the lab rat they are. Just view any and all emotional outbursts as a chance to see Humans be Humans and the fear will more than likely subside. If someone loses control and reacts with violence, try and duck out as best as you can but this is fairly rare. Angry people don't want to fight.


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## salt (Jun 22, 2015)

ill be alert cuz they may attack me or my fams or things. when my mom yells at me ill be quiet until she stops, then go do what i wanted to do. when someone is angry not at me ill just leave them alone. i hate when feeling types got angry cuz they get very dramatic. when thinking types get angry its more likely to be a clear problem you can help them with


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## The Hammer (Aug 24, 2015)

It depends on the source of the anger. 

1- If its justified (in other words I did something wrong to warrant it), then I try to calm them down by asking questions to get to the trigger, and by doing that I acknowledge their anger and get them thinking about it also which does the trick and then we can start resolving the issue.

2- If however it isn't justified (I wasn't the cause): 

- Its linked to an insecurity: I'll remain diplomatic and convey that it was not my intention to arouse their insecurities and again try to calm them down.

- Its done for the purpose of intimidation: I'll be firm while talking, and if they don't stop I'll try to leave the situation. If they don't give me a way out and continue to be angry I'll stare them down and raise my voice telling them to back off and that I won't give in to their demands (however pushing me to this point is dangerous because I might explode or rip them a new one).


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## koalo (Sep 19, 2015)

It depends on, many ppl seems to lost when they are angry. what they say or do dont fix together. so I dont bother to get scare. Cos ppl get angry soon or later.


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## Rhonda Rousey (Sep 22, 2015)

Well, angry people could easily kil you out of impulsivity.


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## SysterMatic (Jun 8, 2014)

When someone is angry you just need to be more angry. Just kill 'em all. I mean, knife and stuff. Easy.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

As a person who gets angry a lot and easily, I can tell you that feeling like you are avoiding me and my anger is not making the situation better; it only makes it worse and helps me to be even more pissed off because not only do I have a legitimate reason for feeling angry at you, but it feels like you don't even want to discuss the issue with me or face it head's on. It's very cowardly from my point of view. I'm not going to bite your head off, and I prefer people being frank and forthright and stand up for themselves and their beliefs and positions, rather than running away from me with their tail between their legs and I ask them wtf is up, and then they refuse to even answer and pretend everything is ok but make these weird implied remarks and suggestions all the time. That kind of passive-aggressive behavior in itself and then just trying to smooth over the situation isn't going to resolve the conflict; you resolve conflict by facing it. Only then will you know if you can resolve it by fighting it or whether it's something that you can't agree on and thus move on from there. When people try to avoid me, it becomes a trigger for me to have them respond even further. It's seriously frustrating and annoying. Then all out of the blue they just explode in my face and go why I'm being such a dick and it's like, OK???? I had appreciated if you had told me this from the very beginning so we didn't have to get here in the first place because if you have an issue with me, I'd really like to know so I can improve and do better. 

lol, just thinking about this pisses me off.


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## an absurd man (Jul 22, 2012)

Someone who's angry should preferably voice the cause of their anger. That way you can begin to work out the issue. If someone is quietly angry, then I'd ask them what's wrong. Frankly when I get angry, the most annoying thing is for the people around me to keep quiet and shirk away. The reluctance to deal with the cause of anger can lead me to lose respect for someone.


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## Oyashiro-Sama (Sep 23, 2015)

Amelia said:


> Too true. I had to deal with that earlier. Angry outbursts make me want to find a hole and crawl into it.
> 
> An even scarier kind is silent anger. It's quiet, calculated, and unpredictable.


once someone is angry with me, I gave a shout him, and now when I speak he drastically low his voice, but I'm good, Do not judge me: P


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