# Not feeling "alive"



## Donkey D Kong (Feb 14, 2011)

Ever since I was 14 or 15 I have been going through this.

Most days I feel like I'm not really myself. As if I'm watching someone else in my body go through the day while I tend to my own thoughts. My thoughts never stop throughout the day while my body moves along. I feel as if I'm a ghost wandering around my school most days. Every time someone interrupts my thoughts, I become very stressed, yet I still feel like I'm just going through the day as a ghost; a ghost going in slow motion. Most of this happens during school or when I'm in a public place and I can't leave. When I'm at home I feel more like myself, but it still feels like a dream to me, like I'm not really alive. The only time I really feel alive is when I indulge in my greatest obsessions such as video games or playing guitar (even then, sometimes I feel outside of my body just watching myself play).

Is there any way to fix this? It has slowed down a little bit ever since I've been prescribed medication for depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder.


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## DeductiveReasoner (Feb 25, 2011)

I hate that feeling. In fact, some days I feel just like that. Unfortunately I haven't found a sure-fire way out of it, though. Usually what I do is to find something to get excited about and look forward to. Find a new hobby, take a day off and do something out of the ordinary. Is it because you feel as if your life is at a standstill? I know it can be expensive, but Maybe it's time to move to a different town or transfer schools. Go after a new career.

Do you know why you feel this way? That could help solve a lot of problems.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Not to play doctor or anything, but have you ever heard of depersonalization? Now, depersonalization typically comes as a side dish to a bigger issue... depression, bipolarism, etc. While this is usually the case, it is not always. Perhaps something to look into and consider. PM if you want to talk privately, my friend.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

Do you have urges to cut yourself? 

That might sound like a weird question, but often times as people go deeper into the feeling that they "aren't alive" their compulsive disorder starts urging them that they need to see their own blood.

again, I know it sounds like i'm asking a weird question, but it's very real. 

You honestly should speak to a professional, because it sounds like serious anxiety is causing you to dissociate with yourself. @Ace Face is very correct about depersonalization. Which anti-depressant are you on? Make sure you aren't on a stimulant like welbutrin, because that will make the anxiety worse. 

I'm not a professional, so I can't diagnose you, but I have dealt with anxiety and compulsive disorder since I was a child. These are things you need to speak with your therapist about, so they can get your the correct treatment. You don't want to try to live your whole life like that, that's not fair to yourself.


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## Donkey D Kong (Feb 14, 2011)

Thanks everybody. I have heard of depersonalization and I've studied it a bit. I don't like to diagnose myself with anything but it did seem to fit the exact description of what I've been going through.

@Khys : I haven't had the urge to cut myself in a long time, but I used to have the urges.


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