# Enneagram: A key to Understanding Your Emotional Baggage



## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

According to Riso and Hudson in the book _Wisdom of the Enneagram:_


> *How Each Type Manipulates Others*
> 1 - by correcting others--by insisting others share their standards
> 2 - by finding out other's needs and desires --thus creating dependence
> 3 - by charming others -- and by adopting whatever image will "work"
> ...





> *The Leaden Rule
> 
> *_ If such manipulations fail to get our needs met, we may intensify our campaign. Rather than stopping our self-defeating behaviors, *without awareness*, we tend to employ them more aggressively. At this stage, we are not merely trying to get other people to support our ego agendas, we are forcing them on others. Ego inflation is at its maximum, and we act out our anxieties_ _and aggressively pursue our Basic Desire, either *overtly or covertly*._
> 
> ...





> *The Leaden Rule for the Types
> 
> *1 - Fearing that they may be evil, corrupt, or defective in some way, Ones point out evil, corruption and defectiveness in others.
> 
> ...


Your thoughts?


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

R&H have done some pretty good work about the Enneagram, but sometimes I wonder about the stuff they make up... It's best to take their descriptions with a grain of salt, though I guess that applies to anything.



> 5 - by staying preoccupied -- and by detaching emotionally from others
> 6 - by complaining -- and by testing other's commitment to them
> 7 - by distracting others -- and by insisting that others meet their demands
> 9 - by "checking out" -- and by passive aggressively resisting others
> ...


^ The descriptions I can relate to. I'm afraid I can withdraw majorly when emotionally bogged down. Of course, my w7/phobic-ness makes me prone to run at times.

It's a little odd, I think I make use of both 5 and 7's 'manipulation' at the same time. I've been known, when trying to avoid something, to go: "Yeah, sure--HEY, look at this!" 



> 6 - Fearing that they are without support or guidance, Sixes undermine the support systems of others, trying to isolate them in some fashion.


I keep hearing this kind of thing, but as a 6 I can't relate at all to it. Maybe it's more common in 3-fixers? The only way I might be perceived as doing this--that I can recall, of course--is by questioning the religions of others, but I do that out of curiosity and confusion more than wanting to undermine anyone.

...Is it just me, or do the head fix leaden rules sound very evil?



[Standard disclaimer of, "speaking for myself not others."]


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Paradigm said:


> ...Is it just me, or do the head fix leaden rules sound very evil?
> 
> 
> 
> [Standard disclaimer of, "speaking for myself not others."]


 To be quite honest they all sound pretty evil to me. And, I can see the patterns of behaviors described in the leaden rule with my friends who have taken the test and as well as with myself. I agree R&H have done a good job. And, yes it should be taken with a grain of salt. But, so far it seems to be they have a pretty good accuracy rate with much of the information contained in their book "The Wisdom of the Enneagram".

I can relate to much of the information given for my type. Not all....but most for sure. And, it is not an easy pill to swallow. But, it is what it is whether it is acknowledged or not. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


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## Nymma (Apr 24, 2010)

What on earth are the authors thinking? Just because I fear I may have no personal signifiance, it doesn't mean I want others to feel like that! Excuse me, but my misery doesn't love company. Oh, I may FEEL like others have no personal value, and make me feel better by comparing our level of signifiance(or what I feel is our signifiance at my unealthy hours), but I'm not going to treat them as nobodies. Think and feel like they are, but not treat them as such. In fact, I don't relate to the leaden rule of any type. 

I relate to the manipulation of One, Four and Five, although I would not call it "manipulation"... My temperamental attitude is just the natural expression of my moods--I don't intend for anybody to feel uncomfortable. If I detach myself from others, it's because I feel disconnected from others, OR because I need to withdraw immediatly. I may criticize people's standards, but that is only intended as insightful feedback. I certainly don't insist they change their standards or anything. 

I don't agree with the leaden rule--what a selfish concept.


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## Inspire (Apr 19, 2010)

i like it very much - thanks for posting, its worth to think about it, i think there is some truth in it! i relate most to 4's and 7's fear - having no personal significance and being deprived. being deprived makes such frustration to me that i get so greedy, and furious when i miss on things or somebody gets my share of universe lol, i feel like a child and fucked up when this happens. but i am sure i am a 3.


i think people shouldn be offended by Enneagram descriptions (coming from most despised enneagram type 3 hahaha) because it describes human ego - defense mechanisms and not the "real you". Those are just human traps, we are all prone to patological behavior but that doesnt define us, we all have potential to grow above our etypes' traps. this makes enneagram even better than MBTI imo bc in mbti you are kind of pressured to accept "this is you. you will always be like this 95%. deal with it, kbye"


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## Introspiritual (Mar 12, 2010)

n2freedom said:


> Your thoughts?


Seems that these are primarily unhealthy behaviors for each of the 9 types.

That said, the leaden rule and manipulation statements for type 1 are accurate for me. When I see myself acting in this way, it's a red flag to me that I'm not dealing with something that's bothering me, and I need to take action to correct that and get back on a healthier track.


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## Muser (Jul 17, 2011)

The _Leaden Rule for the Types_ sound more like _Worst Fear for the Types. _For example, as a 5, I can honestly say that being incompetent, stupid, and incapable is all part of my worst nightmare. I would never try to _"put someone else down a notch to lift me up one" _and would definitely not imagine making someone feel helpless or stupid_. _I have found that those are the aspects that I really exaggerate about myself when I'm feeling depressed.


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

> 4 - by being temperamental -- and making others "walk on eggshells"


A few encounters come to mind instantly...

In other words: QFT.




> 5 - Fearing that they are without support or guidance, Fives make others feel helpless, incompetent, stupid, and incapable.


Very much accurate, I've found.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

@MissJordan what is QFT?

@Muser @Nymma I don't think the authors are saying these are deliberate behaviors. They indicated with out awareness and it is either acted out overtly or covertly. Furthermore, I believe the authors are saying the leaden rule behaviors have been identified at the bottom of the average range. 

I don't think the authors are saying this is automatic behaviors for each type or that it is intentional behavior when present.


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## ukinfj (Apr 15, 2011)

I'd always thought I was a one and this could be true of me - I'm not sure. The thing that I saw in me and the one type was the repression of anger and the feeling that one must not express their anger (lest you hurt others or become an immoral person - somehow!). Perhaps I have misread it. But the above behaviour seems to go completely against that.

If I attack another person - and this is very rare. I can think of two examples one of them I dealt with very badly through total red mist! I had built up resentment and showed how they had treated me in a way that showed them to think themselves above me or be trying to stamp me out and why do they not want things to be equal? Why don't they respect me? 

The other one was on behalf of a friend, so it wasn't really my situation, but it was a matter of understanding why they were behaving the way they were - what fear was behind it - and making that fear come true. 

I'm not sure where either of these fit in the above, though. The second just seems very INFJy. It's more just knowing someone's achilles heel and giving a sharp kick in a way that others can't tell you're doing it (you still appear nice on the outside, only you and the person you're kicking knows what's going on - or sometimes, only you). The other one is less prepared and more automatic and raw so this would probably be more about enneagram. That was a definite - why can't people give me the same respect as they do others, kind of thing ,which suggests me believing I am already beneath others, but I don't see this in the enneagram anywhere.


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

n2freedom said:


> @MissJordan what is QFT?


It means "Quoted For Truth".

Meaning "I strongly agree with this statement".


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

What a great post! I would have more to say on it, but it seems spot on from what I've observed in those around me and in myself.


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## Jamie.Ether (Jul 1, 2011)

n2freedom said:


> 5 - Fearing that they are without support or guidance, Fives make others feel helpless, incompetent, stupid, and incapable.


 :[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Waahhhhhh. I hate to admit this is true. It's not conscious and I usually make a point to NOT do this. But I've had people tell me that I make them feel stupid, and didn't understand, until I caught myself doing it. I don't believe I MEAN to inflict those feelings on other people, but it does happen. When I feel that I'm unsafe, have no support, no comfort, my feelings seep out and others start to feel that way too. Really something I want to work on.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Jamie.Ether said:


> :[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Waahhhhhh. I hate to admit this is true. It's not conscious and I usually make a point to NOT do this. But I've had people tell me that I make them feel stupid, and didn't understand, until I caught myself doing it. I don't believe I MEAN to inflict those feelings on other people, but it does happen. When I feel that I'm unsafe, have no support, no comfort, my feelings seep out and others start to feel that way too. Really something I want to work on.


Thanks for your honesty. I feel the same way about the type 7 leaden rule. I'm guilty as charged. I don't necessarily do it intentionally. However, I'm glad to be made aware of it so that I can self-correct when needed and to deal with whatever underlying issues that contribute to this behavior.


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## Jamie.Ether (Jul 1, 2011)

n2freedom said:


> Thanks for your honesty. I feel the same way about the type 7 leaden rule. I'm guilty as charged. I don't necessarily do it intentionally. However, I'm glad to be made aware of it so that I can self-correct when needed and to deal with whatever underlying issues that contribute to this behavior.


 :] Thanks for posting these. It can be hard to look at ourselves objectively and it can be hard to hear, even harder to accept, not so desirable behaviours that we are prone to. But I think it's best to be aware of them so we can work on them and be the best we can be.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Jamie.Ether said:


> :] Thanks for posting these. It can be hard to look at ourselves objectively and it can be hard to hear, even harder to accept, not so desirable behaviours that we are prone to. But I think it's best to be aware of them so we can work on them and be the best we can be.


I agree with you.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Nymma said:


> What on earth are the authors thinking? Just because I fear I may have no personal signifiance, it doesn't mean I want others to feel like that! Excuse me, but my misery doesn't love company. Oh, I may FEEL like others have no personal value, and make me feel better by comparing our level of signifiance(or what I feel is our signifiance at my unealthy hours), but I'm not going to treat them as nobodies. Think and feel like they are, but not treat them as such. In fact, I don't relate to the leaden rule of any type.


I do not think we always go around hoping others will have less signifigance or that others will be just as miserable as me. But I can really relate to this, because at my worst, like when I have been dumped and start doubting my value, I hope that I didn't deserve it anymore than anyone else, therefore other people must be just as insignifigant. If I see someone else who doesn't look rejected like me, I become hateful, envious, jealous, and I want their relationship to be ruined, at least until I can be proven wrong about my value. I wont act on it, unless it is subconscious, but that feeling is still there.


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## Nymma (Apr 24, 2010)

Cleo said:


> I do not think we always go around hoping others will have less signifigance or that others will be just as miserable as me. But I can really relate to this, because at my worst, like when I have been dumped and start doubting my value, I hope that I didn't deserve it anymore than anyone else, therefore other people must be just as insignifigant. *If I see someone else who doesn't look rejected like me*, I become hateful, *envious, jealous, and I want their relationship to be ruined*, *at least until I* *can be proven wrong about my value*. I wont act on it, unless it is subconscious, but that feeling is still there.


True, the leaden rule probably just applies at our unealthy times, and depending on the person, can be only felt, not acted upon. You're right. 

I really relate to the bold--If I feel insignifiant, I want others to be even more insignifiant and all those negative feelings you mentioned build up inside me. Although, in my case, it's not really with relationships--it's more with personal acheivements--in terms of identity and self expression. If I see someone who is a more talented, distinguished writer, someone who seems more fulfilled within his personality, someone more inherently different than myself, someone more refreshingly genuine, someone more absurdly creative and original, someone who can come up with more insights than I can...boy, a volcano of jealousy erupts in me really fast. Then I get haunted by despair, rage, a desire to see the objects of my jealousy fail, or at least, surpassed by me. I dream up some "revenge of signifiance", with me coming back as the more signifiant one... 

Rejection of myself by my standards, which results in loss of perceived signifiance, causes pettiness in me, yeah. And although I am not remotedly relationship-oriented, if I am rejected by someone I idealize, I can indulge in loathing sessions--directed at me, and occasionally, at the ones having what I don't have--qualities I want and the connection with that special person. Of course, I am so disinterested in relationships I likely won't notice many people, which will make me less prone to find someone I idealize, but once I do...And anyway, the illusion breaks soon enough, and the disapointment of that idealization leaves me so cold I don't want to remain with X lover anymore. I'm never satisfied. I imagine treasures that aren't there, long for those, am crushed that they don't exist...Stupid cycle.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Nymma said:


> True, the leaden rule probably just applies at our unealthy times, and depending on the person, can be only felt, not acted upon. You're right.
> 
> I really relate to the bold--If I feel insignifiant, I want others to be even more insignifiant and all those negative feelings you mentioned build up inside me. Although, in my case, it's not really with relationships--it's more with personal acheivements--in terms of identity and self expression. If I see someone who is a more talented, distinguished writer, someone who seems more fulfilled within his personality, someone more inherently different than myself, someone more refreshingly genuine, someone more absurdly creative and original, someone who can come up with more insights than I can...boy, a volcano of jealousy erupts in me really fast. Then I get haunted by despair, rage, a desire to see the objects of my jealousy fail, or at least, surpassed by me. I dream up some "revenge of signifiance", with me coming back as the more signifiant one...
> 
> Rejection of myself by my standards, which results in loss of perceived signifiance, causes pettiness in me, yeah. And although I am not remotedly relationship-oriented, if I am rejected by someone I idealize, I can indulge in loathing sessions--directed at me, and occasionally, at the ones having what I don't have--qualities I want and the connection with that special person. Of course, I am so disinterested in relationships I likely won't notice many people, which will make me less prone to find someone I idealize, but once I do...And anyway, the illusion breaks soon enough, and the disapointment of that idealization leaves me so cold I don't want to remain with X lover anymore. I'm never satisfied. I imagine treasures that aren't there, long for those, am crushed that they don't exist...Stupid cycle.


Are you the social kind? I am the sexual. I used to have trouble with idealizing, but I'm more realistic now. I try not to get engulfed by the moment or the person too soon. Because I still idealize in some ways, they have to be amazing; a 3 on the Enneagram, ambitious, S/Ts only, and nothing less. I also accept flaws from the start, which makes it a way more fullfilling relationship, but I still can't settle.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

@Cleo and @Nymma I am impressed at how in touch you are with your own emotions. *sighs* I wish I could process my emotions like that. I appreciate the honesty displayed in your posts. I have learned a lot from reading them. It is amazing to me how much we try to stuff/repress and avoid in our thought/emotional life but yet they manifest themselves someway somehow in our day to day lives.

Personally, I'm tired of wrestling with the demons that lurk within. I'm at a point in my life I'm ready to confront, deal with, and embrace the less pleasant aspects of myself. I can only run/escape for so long. Frankly, I'm tired of running/escaping. It's time for me to learn how to effectively deal with painful emotions. I think that's a lesson I can learn from the heart triad. So, I appreciate you guys again for sharing.

It's funny while typing all of this I'm reminded of this quote "If you want peace, stop fighting. If you want peace of mind, stop fighting your thoughts.". So, I guess there is much truth in the saying "It is what it is". Thanks again.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

n2freedom said:


> @Cleo and @Nymma I am impressed at how in touch you are with your own emotions. *sighs* I wish I could process my emotions like that. I appreciate the honesty displayed in your posts. I have learned a lot from reading them. It is amazing to me how much we try to stuff/repress and avoid in our thought/emotional life but yet they manifest themselves someway somehow in our day to day lives.
> 
> Personally, I'm tired of wrestling with the demons that lurk within. I'm at a point in my life I'm ready to confront, deal with, and embrace the less pleasant aspects of myself. I can only run/escape for so long. Frankly, I'm tired of running/escaping. It's time for me to learn how to effectively deal with painful emotions. I think that's a lesson I can learn from the heart triad. So, I appreciate you guys again for sharing.
> 
> It's funny while typing all of this I'm reminded of this quote "If you want peace, stop fighting. If you want peace of mind, stop fighting your thoughts.". So, I guess there is much truth in the saying "It is what it is". Thanks again.


Thanks. And good for you. I have been wondering if my secondary type could be seven. What you tell me rings a bell. When I was younger I did a lot of things to distract myself from emotions. I didn't consciously do it though. It's like I just didn't allow myself to take too much of it in. I would have random sex, do drugs, and all kinds of stuff. I have learned to go ahead and dive into the things I care about, and it causes me so much pain when it doesn't go ideally. I recently got dumped and it hurt so bad that my whole body is in physical pain. Is that typical of a four, or does that sound like that could be a seven who is growing?


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Cleo said:


> Thanks. And good for you. I have been wondering if my secondary type could be seven. What you tell me rings a bell. *When I was younger I did a lot of things to distract myself from emotions. I didn't consciously do it though. It's like I just didn't allow myself to take too much of it in. I would have random sex, do drugs, and all kinds of stuff. I have learned to go ahead and dive into the things I care about, and it causes me so much pain when it doesn't go ideally*. I recently got dumped and it hurt so bad that my whole body is in physical pain. Is that typical of a four, or does that sound like that could be a seven who is growing?


I can only tell you based on my experience as a Seven, that I can totally relate to what I have highlighted above. I absolutely hate being disappointed. I don't usually have physical reactions to emotional pain. The best I can relate to emotional pain is feeling trapped, caged in, suffocating, closed in, etc. It feels like I have been suspended in time and that I can see no end to the misery that I am feeling in the moment. And, I will not allow myself to feel this way for long either before I patch myself back up again. 

I usually won't allow myself to feel that way much more the 24 hours at the most 2-3 days and I will find away to avoid it and/or disassociate myself from it. It's kind of hard for me to explain but I can tell from observing other people that I don't deal with negative emotions the same as others. And, I'm not so sure it is a good way to do it either because basically it is a coping mechanisms and does very little towards resolving any real problems. I hope this makes sense.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

I never relate to the thing about 9s "fearing they will lose connection with others". Ugh all the descriptions of 9s suck for the most part. 

But I do know that I make people feel like they've lost connection with me.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

n2freedom said:


> I can only tell you based on my experience as a Seven, that I can totally relate to what I have highlighted above. I absolutely hate being disappointed. I don't usually have physical reactions to emotional pain. The best I can relate to emotional pain is feeling trapped, caged in, suffocating, closed in, etc. It feels like I have been suspended in time and that I can see no end to the misery that I am feeling in the moment. And, I will not allow myself to feel this way for long either before I patch myself back up again.
> 
> I usually won't allow myself to feel that way much more the 24 hours at the most 2-3 days and I will find away to avoid it and/or disassociate myself from it. It's kind of hard for me to explain but I can tell from observing other people that I don't deal with negative emotions the same as others. And, I'm not so sure it is a good way to do it either because basically it is a coping mechanisms and does very little towards resolving any real problems. I hope this makes sense.


Oh. The reason why I asked was because I read that sevens get physical pain when they are at their unhealthiest. I am not too familiar with that type though.


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## Inspire (Apr 19, 2010)

Cleo said:


> Oh. The reason why I asked was because I read that sevens get physical pain when they are at their unhealthiest. I am not too familiar with that type though.


Can you tell what you exactly read about phyisical pain and 7s? I thoughy all people get physical pain


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Inspire said:


> Can you tell what you exactly read about phyisical pain and 7s? I thoughy all people get physical pain


I know what you mean and that is why I was a little confused. I figured someone more in tune with their emotions would be more likely to experience the physical pain. It says in Riso and Hudson's book, The Widsom of the Enneagram, that at level nine, sevens get "severe financial and physical problems, even chronic pain." I have heard people before say that their body feels achy, like it sets in from stress or dealing with too much, but those people describe it differently than the way I experience it. I feel that too when I go into overdrive, but a strong emotional problem is different. I feel the pain coming directly from my mind and set into my body and linger around. It's an all over, wrestless, but strong feeling. It's not one of those things where the doctor says "have you been under stress?" and then I have to think about it. I know it and feel it that strongly the moment something bad happens.

Actually, maybe it takes a few days for it to set in, but I am bracing for it from the get go. I almost couldn't accept how mean this person was to me, but once I did, the pain manifested more and more.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Cleo said:


> I know what you mean and that is why I was a little confused. I figured someone more in tune with their emotions would be more likely to experience the physical pain. It says in Riso and Hudson's book, The Widsom of the Enneagram, that at level nine, sevens get "severe financial and physical problems, even chronic pain." I have heard people before say that their body feels achy, like it sets in from stress or dealing with too much, but those people describe it differently than the way I experience it. I feel that too when I go into overdrive, but a strong emotional problem is different. I feel the pain coming directly from my mind and set into my body and linger around. It's an all over, wrestless, but strong feeling. It's not one of those things where the doctor says "have you been under stress?" and then I have to think about it. I know it and feel it that strongly the moment something bad happens.
> 
> Actually, maybe it takes a few days for it to set in, but I am bracing for it from the get go. I almost couldn't accept how mean this person was to me, but once I did, the pain manifested more and more.


I have some thoughts floating around in my head but not sure how to convey them. Since type 8 is part of the body/gut triad do you think their is more of a connection of stress being manifested as pain in the physical body since the body is used more as processing central? I'm not sure. If this sounds weird, I'm sorry I know what I'm trying to say but I can't wrap my brain around the words.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

n2freedom said:


> I have some thoughts floating around in my head but not sure how to convey them. Since type 8 is part of the body/gut triad do you think their is more of a connection of stress being manifested as pain in the physical body since the body is used more as processing central? I'm not sure. If this sounds weird, I'm sorry I know what I'm trying to say but I can't wrap my brain around the words.


That is a good point. But I am pretty sure, that neither my primary or secondary type is from the gut triad. I think it probably has more to do with my longing to be loved.


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## Inspire (Apr 19, 2010)

It is interesting because I as type 3 wasnt at all in touch with my emotions and I NEVER had any physical pain (caused by psych) but since I began to get in touch with my emotions more i get more physical pain  i can feel my arms "losing function"(becoming numb) when someone really offends me deeply for example, which is completely NEW. I guess I am awakening to my body... Very interesting...


Cleo said:


> I know what you mean and that is why I was a little confused. I figured someone more in tune with their emotions would be more likely to experience the physical pain. It says in Riso and Hudson's book, The Widsom of the Enneagram, that at level nine, sevens get "severe financial and physical problems, even chronic pain." I have heard people before say that their body feels achy, like it sets in from stress or dealing with too much, but those people describe it differently than the way I experience it. I feel that too when I go into overdrive, but a strong emotional problem is different. I feel the pain coming directly from my mind and set into my body and linger around. It's an all over, wrestless, but strong feeling. It's not one of those things where the doctor says "have you been under stress?" and then I have to think about it. I know it and feel it that strongly the moment something bad happens.
> 
> Actually, maybe it takes a few days for it to set in, but I am bracing for it from the get go. I almost couldn't accept how mean this person was to me, but once I did, the pain manifested more and more.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Cleo said:


> That is a good point. But I am pretty sure, that neither my primary or secondary type is from the gut triad. I think it probably has more to do with my longing to be loved.


 Your profile says type 8...are you type 8? If so, check out pages 2 and 3 in Chapter 5 in your book Wisdom of the Enneagram.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

n2freedom said:


> Your profile says type 8...are you type 8? If so, check out pages 2 and 3 in Chapter 5 in your book Wisdom of the Enneagram.


Sorry, it's a decoy. I'm a four. Long story.


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## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Cleo said:


> Sorry, it's a decoy. I'm a four. Long story.


*giggles* aaaah. I see. Now I have to shift my thinking. Let me ponder. Past my bedtime. I will post on tomorrow.


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## Nymma (Apr 24, 2010)

Cleo said:


> Are you the social kind? I am the sexual. I used to have trouble with idealizing, but I'm more realistic now. I try not to get engulfed by the moment or the person too soon. Because I still idealize in some ways, they have to be amazing; a 3 on the Enneagram, ambitious, S/Ts only, and nothing less. I also accept flaws from the start, which makes it a way more fullfilling relationship, but I still can't settle.


Well, although the description I relate the most is 4 SO/SP, I think I am SP/SO instead. I barely relate to anything social or sexual, but since I identify even less with sexual than social, I'm classifying myself as SP/SO. 

I'm also attracted to Threes! Whether it's characters in books, possible lovers of friends, most people I idealize are Threes. They just happen to be almost the only ones who pass my elitist standards, or give a so competent and wonderful aura that it activates my idealization...And since Threes are masters in remaining amazing at all cost, well, the chances of being disappointed are a bit lower. Of course, I don't date based on types, but I have noticed that my heart was stolen mostly by Threes and that they disappoint me less. Could just be a coincidence, though. 

I'm fine with lovers having flaws,and can accept them right away, but I can be picky about the kind of flaws...First, they can't have any flaws that I have--I don't want to date my bad side. Second, well, if it's something that triggers my intolerance really fast(i.e., talking too much), well, I know it won't work since I will end up dumping them anyway. I tried to date in spite of my intolerance for some flaws, and in the end, I coudln't stand it. Next time, I'll listen to my instincs more. If it annoys the hell out of me before I date him, it will annoy me even more when we date, so there is no point. 

What is weird is that the same flaws I can't handle in potential boyfriends, well, I am very fine with those in my friends. Guess it's easier to tolerate things in friendship. In fact, I am pretty open to anyone being my friend, flaws schmaws, but I became a total elitist freak when there's the question of romance. 

I don't think there's anything bad about having idealistic tendencies...well, yes, like in my case, it can lead to trouble, but the opposite of that would be to be someone very calculated, leaving no room for spontanity, and I don't think I could live like that. Making decisions with head and no heart..no thank you. Gaining some realistic streaks could be helpful, yeah, but not too much. 

As long as you're not being completly fulfilled by someone, then I don't see why you would have to settle. Giving up too fast is a mistake, but remaining a long time in something that doesn't fulfill you like you want/need is also a mistake. I always think there could be better options somewhere(The seven in my tritype?) and that makes me not want to settle for someone either. But then again, I have never been in relationship where I felt satisfied with the guy in the first place, so I'm sure it would be different if I met someone that met all my standards. That should teach me to not date anyone just because I see potential(even if it's extraordinary potential...) if I already notice traits in them that I cannot tolerate or things that made them people who could never satisfy me. Still, I know I will always end up making decisions with my heart, so I don't know why I bother trying to choose with my Head. Ah well. Since I don't care if I end up finding the right person for me, or marrying him, I'm not doing myself much harm with not listening to my head. I will maybe waste my time(which I dislike doing) but the result(ending up alone) is not going to bother me since I prefer being alone anyway.


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