# Compatibility concerning subtypes



## not enough (Jan 15, 2016)

source: Personality Types: Enneagram compatibility - instinctual variants - Enneagram and Myers Briggs

_Although the instinctual variants aren’t technically a ‘part’ of the Enneagram types, as they exist independently of any typology whatsoever, it seems that the specific flavour they give to each type is actually one of the most poweful indicators for compatibility.

Therefore it appears that indifferent to the Enneagram types involved in a relationship, the odds that they get along well are higher when their instinctual variants are the same or at least similar. Their shared values, their main focus point, as well as their common purpose can help build a strong connection to which both types bring a different yet enriching approach.

I also could observe that the more a couple resembled in their instinctual stackings, the closer they seemed to be to having a beautiful, mutually satisfying relationship. There are of course exceptions and people with different instinctual variants can as well have a solid, long-lasting relationship. 

Still, there appears to be a correlation between compatibility and similar instinctual stackings. Let's see why that might be.


Self-preserving types share a strong desire for independence and material security that makes them understand each other well and work together towards attaining the level of material possessions that will make them both feel safe and accomplished. They will also respect each other’s need for privacy and autonomy because they both desire it to a certain extent.

Self-preserving types might frustrate the Social types because of their self-centered approach and lack of sociability. SP people tend to focus on themselves and somewhat reject others - their world is centered around their own person whereas the SO types need to function within a society and relate to its structure. Both types can feel trapped and misunderstood in this relationship.

The Self-preserving will also fustrate the Sexual types whose desire for close connection will be rejected by their need for private space and independence. SP types seek security and are unwilling to compromise it for the sake of new experience. On the other hand, the SX types will push for intensity and adventure and will end up running in circles, leaving both themselves and their SP partner drained and unwilling to continue the relationship. There is an exception to this rule though, if we take the stackings into account, the Sp/Sx types will get along decently well with the Sx/Sp.


Sexual types will connect to each other in an intense, intimate way that will build a powerful bond in a relatively short time. They will share the need for extraordinary experiences, original ideas and fascinating people, but nonetheless their main focus will remain on each other and their intimacy.

As explained earlier, Sexual types will end up scaring away the more conservative Self-preserving types with their energy and search for intense connections. The latter will feel intruded upon and they will tend to retreat from the relationship, while the SX will be disappointed and probably look in other places to find the thrill and intimacy that they crave. There is an exception to this rule though, if we take the stackings into account, the Sp/Sx types will get along decently well with the Sx/Sp.

Things will get somwehat worse with the Social type, whose main focus is on their social life and the many people that inhabit it. SX types need a deep one-on-one connection while the SO type is constantly looking outside the relatioship to define themselves through their social status, making the SX feel ignored and left aside in the favor of other people that they finally regard as outsiders.


Social types can get along well as they both define themselves and each other by the standards of the society that they belong to. They both know who they are, where they stand and where they’re heading to in relationship to their outer worlds. Choosing a partner becomes easier this way, but only as long as they belong and respond to roughly the same environment. It’s impotant for SO types to find a mate from their own social class or one that they aspire to accede to.

Social types will have trouble maintaining a stable relationship with a Sexual type who will ignore (if not even go against) social rules, traditions and issues such as class and standing.

They will also encounter difficulties with the Self-preserving types, who are far too focused on themselves and their own comfort to attend to society’s requests of them.


Taking stackings into account:
(remember please that these are not compatibility rules, but merely orientative probabilities.)

Sexual

Sx/Sp more compatible with: Sx/Sp, Sx/So, Sp/Sx
Sx/So more compatible with: Sx/So, Sx/Sp

Self-preservational

Sp/Sx more compatible with: Sp/Sx, Sx/Sp 
Sp/So more compatible with: Sp/So

Social

So/Sp more compatible with: So/Sp, So/Sx
So/Sx more compatible with: So/Sx, So/Sp_

So do you agree/ disagree? What is your personal experience in different relationships?

My personal experience so far is that it also depends on the enneagram type e.g. as a type 4 so/sx I prefer 7 so/sx to let's say 7 sp but concerning type 9 I have closer relationships with type 9 sx.

Curious to hear what you think


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## kirsten.j (Jul 12, 2016)

not enough said:


> Self-preserving types share a strong desire for independence and material security


Definitely



> that makes them understand each other well and work together *towards attaining the level of material possessions* that will make them both feel safe and accomplished.


It's not about having a certain level of material possessions. It's just about having systems in place that work well towards the goal of being physically healthy and comfortable. 




> Self-preserving types might frustrate the Social types because of their self-centered approach and lack of sociability. SP people tend to focus on themselves and somewhat *reject others* - their world is centered around their own person whereas the SO types need to function within a society and relate to its structure. Both types can feel trapped and misunderstood in this relationship.


I definitely don't reject others, I love talking to people and I hardly ever turn somebody away if they explicitly want to talk to me. It's just that I sometimes accidentally ignore people or fail to pick up on social signals, totally without realizing. Sometimes it works to my advantage because I don't get involved in drama... I remember sometimes in high school it was like, so-and-so was mad at so-and-so and et cetera but nobody was mad at me. It seems like people can sometimes get genuinely annoyed or angry at others for what seem like very trivial reasons- I wonder if that is part of the social instinct? Like my mom, who's a social instinct, will come home from work and be really annoyed/ almost angry about some comment somebody said that was not explicitly hurting anyone, it was just kind of silly or stupid or something. I don't really get that... if someone is annoying me, I just ignore them, or change the subject. 

I can also forget to engage in pleasantries like if someone asks me "how was your weekend?" I'll talk about my weekend and forget to ask how theirs was... I'm working on that. I can see how that would annoying to social types. 




> The Self-preserving will also fustrate the Sexual types whose desire for close connection will be rejected by their need for private space and independence. SP types seek security and are unwilling to compromise it for the sake of new experience. On the other hand, the SX types will push for intensity and adventure and will end up running in circles, leaving both themselves and their SP partner drained and unwilling to continue the relationship. There is an exception to this rule though, if we take the stackings into account, the Sp/Sx types will get along decently well with the Sx/Sp.


Eh, I'm a sx-middle, I think I'm pretty open to adventure. I definitely enjoy a "rush" from time to time. I like people who will think of exciting things to do together.


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## throughtheroses (May 25, 2016)

I've often thought about this myself. It really does seem like matching the instinctual variant is the way to go.


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## No_this_is_patrick (Jun 27, 2016)

I definitely believe that instinct stacking is more important to compatibility than actual E type overall. In my opinion, the best combinations are those that both have the same dominant instinct and different secondary instincts. That way they both value the same thing first, but both blind spots are also covered so it is practical as well.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

> Sexual types will connect to each other in an intense, intimate way that will build a powerful bond in a relatively short time. They will share the need for extraordinary experiences, original ideas and fascinating people, but nonetheless their main focus will remain on each other and their intimacy.


^I hate this definition of Sx. not everyone who seeks intimacy, intense experiences or fascinating people is Sx. granted,most Sx doms do want all these things, but claiming that someone is an Sx dom because they have these traits is a little silly. if that were the case, all NFs, most NTs and pretty much anyone who was passionate about something in life would be Sx dom. 

Sx is about _sexual_ intimacy, they want to feel _sexual_ energy and experience chemistry. the expression does not have to be blatantly sexual, but the _energy_ behind it is sexual. 

additionally, this description (like most) has a bias toward NFs and certain Sx subtypes (Sx 5, Sx 9 and Sx 7 are like this. Sx 6 and Sx 8....not so much). 



> Sexual
> 
> Sx/Sp more compatible with: Sx/Sp, Sx/So, Sp/Sx
> Sx/So more compatible with: Sx/So, Sx/Sp
> ...


mostly true of me (though I somewhat avoid Sx/So out of spite. their recklessness offends me :laughing: ).


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## compulsiverambler (Jan 7, 2010)

I'm some kind of sx-last, and the love/lust of an sx-first makes me very uncomfortable. I instantly want to pull away. I don't know if that's because I'm sx-last, or other influences. I choose to remain single most of the time because I don't like feeling trapped, my freedom restricted by somebody else's need for me to be physically and emotionally available all the time (ENTP-related, perhaps), and to avoid the stessful complications of romantic relationships (Nine-related, I'm sure). The intensity I feel from sx-firsts sends both of these fears into overdrive. I've always had zero actual craving for a romantic relationship anyway, family and friends are the only relationships I feel a need for.


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## mark anthony (Aug 20, 2011)

The instinctual variant structures is a fascinating subject and is a subject.

There is much movement more movement in fact than is commonly recognised.

In my opinion the instinctual variant's are connected to the primary triangle Point:3 sense, Point:9 relate, Point:6 feel.

I also suspect that the instinctual variant structure has a structural connection within the 18 subtype structure at the level of Tri type. My thoughts are, the subtype energy component of self has a extended capacity and that capacity is a second Tri type structure that is directly connected to the intelligence of identifying traits behaviours and attitude orientated mannerisms that stem from the cognitive phycology output generated from the six instinctual variant head's innate.

To be helpful the nine energies and the six instinctual variants are interconnected. Stemming from the complexity, is a structure much like a multiplicity (two subtype wing structures) one that generates an agenda orientated focus and the other a mood related orientated focus.

As an example I Am 9 , INFP 9w1 , 936 963 369 Sx/Sp/So , 9w8 5w6 4w5

The (936 963 369) is linked to the structure (Sx/Sp/So) but via intense Presence a second tritype structure is able to become active and this structure is able to witness and describe in typology like manner the instinctual variant head structure.

I am unsure as how the larger synergy actually works it maybe that two tritype structures one from each subtype wing structure influence contributes to the over all cognitive ability. But I do know that three shocks are involved and it is my belief that the three shocks are the awakening of the three lenses the three components of the second Tritype structure innate via the primary subtype structure.


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## Nothing1 (Jan 22, 2014)

I find sx last people superficial and untrustworthy. To be completely honest, I will use sx last people to meet my needs. The sp/sx is okay if there isn't anything else available. They always find a way to crash the party. They can't sustain the intensity. 

I think my sx/sp mindset might explain why I believe it's impossible to successfully spreed oneself among many. For example, I don't think women who work, are wives, have children, social obligations etc do any of those things well. I think they half-ass most things because the stress and sheer energy needed to do all those at, at least 70% would kill a person. 

As an sx/sp, I do not believe that being valuable to the group will save you. I believe group mentality is deadly and unpredictable. So, the so/sp combination person makes no sense to me. I think they're foolish people who only recognize the strength of the group during positive times, but doesn't seem to get the dangers when things fall into disarray. I also find this combination least interesting for conversation. They seem to lack passion, which I attribute to superficiality, once again.


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## mark anthony (Aug 20, 2011)

Nothing1 said:


> I find sx last people superficial and untrustworthy. To be completely honest, I will use sx last people to meet my needs. The sp/sx is okay if there isn't anything else available. They always find a way to crash the party. They can't sustain the intensity.
> 
> I think my sx/sp mindset might explain why I believe it's impossible to successfully spreed oneself among many. For example, I don't think women who work, are wives, have children, social obligations etc do any of those things well. I think they half-ass most things because the stress and sheer energy needed to do all those at, at least 70% would kill a person.
> 
> As an sx/sp, I do not believe that being valuable to the group will save you. I believe group mentality is deadly and unpredictable. So, the so/sp combination person makes no sense to me. I think they're foolish people who only recognize the strength of the group during positive times, but doesn't seem to get the dangers when things fall into disarray. I also find this combination least interesting for conversation. They seem to lack passion, which I attribute to superficiality, once again.


You need to be more gentle with yourself because much of what you spoke wether you realise it or not as a Sx/Sp is a mirror statement.

Why is this so? Because the Sx/Sp is a part of the (-7-4-1-) instinctive triangle. 
( - So/Sx at Point:7 - Sx/Sp at Point:4 - Sp/So at Point:1 - )

This instinctual triangle focuses on "The Personal" and as a member of that triangle all three parts are part of your instinctual drive.

There is more complexity to it but that should give you something real to think about to assist you in your own personal growth.


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

I usually just end up attracted to other sp/sx people regardless of enneagram number, lol. I'd say probably about 70% of people I've dated are sp/sx. 

My longest and most serious relationship was with an SO-dom, however. To be honest, I think a lot of our ultimate incompatibilities can be traced back to relevant preferences and attributes. We had a definite disconnect around SO-ish values and situations, and it caused a lot of conflict.

I've never once dated an sx-last. Seems almost like I need them to have it either first or second. Preferably second. Not like I seek it out, it's just what happens.

And I am not certain, but I'm pretty sure that any sx-dom I've dated has been sx/so, instead of sx/sp. And those instances were a little intense/draining. o_o 

This is weird. I wonder what it would be like to date an sx/sp. But hopefully I'll never find out because hopefully I'll never break up with my current, sp/sx, partner :tongue:



I want to say it makes no difference regardless of enneagram type, but I dunno. I've dated two SO/SX people, both INTJs. But the first person is a 1, the other is either a 5 or 6... and there was a huge difference. Not just because they're different people, but like, specifically with regard to potential instinctual variant themed conflicts.


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