# Hairpulling/choking during sex... prevalence?



## William I am (May 20, 2011)

I've had a few encounters with people who wanted me to do things that turned me off during sex. Pulling their hair hard and choking them were two things I was asked to do. I know that it's present in a lot of porn (along with a lot of stupid shit like namecalling and hitting). I also know that one of the women I encountered who wanted this had been seriously abused.

I'm wondering how many women enjoy it and if it's always got links to abuse, or not.
I'll try to make this poll anonymous if I can.
This poll is more targeted at men, but any gender is welcome to chime in.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

I had a BDSM relationship in the past and it wasn't to my taste. I won't choke people, in or out of bed, and while I'm OK with hair holding, I'm not OK with hair pulling.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I loooooove both of those. Giving/receiving. 

edit- my enjoyment of bdsm and kink has nothing to do with past abuse. Sure, that may be the case for some but definitely not *all*.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

I don't like the idea of choking or pulling the hair of someone, especially someone I love. I have no idea what such things feel like, so I don't know if I would like it nor, if people do that to males.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> nor, if people do that to males.


Why wouldn't they? Men can be sexually submissive and kinky, just like women can.


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## William I am (May 20, 2011)

Interesting responses. I'm hoping for a lot more. The poll is set to anonymous.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Eerie said:


> Why wouldn't they? Men can be sexually submissive and kinky, just like women can.


I know, I probably would be rather submissive myself. I don't think I could be very dominating.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> I know, I probably would be rather submissive myself. I don't think I could be very dominating.


There's nothing wrong with that.


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

Whatt? Why is I only for women you slept with?
Plenty of boys love it too


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

ted bundy would of had a field day with these.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Eerie said:


> I loooooove both of those. Giving/receiving.


In the spirit of collecting data:

- I'm turned on receiving both of those... to _limited _degree. I'm not really into BDSM, I just like things rough if I'm in the mood for that. The experience would be considered too hard, though, if there is actual physical damage and/or continual pain afterward.

- No, I wasn't physically abused in the past.

- It's not something I need in order to enjoy sex.



Cover3 said:


> ted bundy would of had a field day with these.


Right. I'd run over that <bleep> with my car and back up for a second and third pass if I had the chance, but Florida got him first.



skycloud86 said:


> I know, I probably would be rather submissive myself. I don't think I could be very dominating.


I don't do the domination thing. Have no interest whatsoever. Even when I've tried mild forms of it, I'm simply bored.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Cover3 said:


> ted bundy *would* of had a field day with these.


You mean "did" :wink:

That is the creepiest wink ever.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

I have pulled hair before, but mine has never been pulled on purpose. I don't think I would like that at all unless they knew how to do it right. I'm also not interested in choking, either myself or my partner.


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

Jennywocky said:


> - No, I wasn't *physically* abused in the past.


 Just pointing out that the creator of this thread mentioned someone being abused in general. You pointed out that you specifically weren't physically abused.
That could point to you being abused in a non-physical way (like verbal or sexual). But not nessecarily. I just thought I'd point this out.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

The13thGuest said:


> Just pointing out that the creator of this thread mentioned someone being abused in general. You pointed out that you specifically weren't physically abused.
> That could point to you being abused in a non-physical way (like verbal or sexual). But not nessecarily. I just thought I'd point this out.


Hmmm. Sorry if I overscanned and generalized the first time around.

- I was not sexually abused in any way either.
- Whether I was emotionally abused is up in the air (my father is an alcoholic and unfortunately that shaped much of my early life); but that particular line is kind of fuzzy compared to sexual or physical abuse. Any sort of emotional trauma could be labelled as emotional abuse without it being clear whether or not it is even a mechanism that could reasonably contribute to minor submission/dominance during sex, as opposed to the physical aspects of physical or sexual abuse transferring into physical roughness.


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## William I am (May 20, 2011)

@The13thGuest Oyesh? can you expand on the "boys like it too"? I guess I was mostly talking from my point of view and specifically about women, but all the better to see it as a human thing. 

@Jennywocky I meant anything that is less than being treated like a decent human being in any way - not necessarily in bed. Anyone being told they're something negative like useless or a slut is the beginnings of verbal emotional abuse in my eyes. (There can also be nonverbal). Thanks for sharing. There's some criteria for determining emotional abuse, but I haven't found a good example (like a rubric) but I know it exists.


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

William I am said:


> @The13thGuest Oyesh? can you expand on the "boys like it too"? I guess I was mostly talking from my point of view and specifically about women, but all the better to see it as a human thing.


Well. The boys I've been with who like getting their hair pulled and being choked ( among other things ) were not all abused. A couple were. And one had already like getting his hair pulled and whatnot before he was abused. 

I personally have no problem with them liking me pulling their hair, but it's just as fun if they don't like it.  (They always like it in the end anyways.) 
And I know I sound like a total rapist by saying that, but they give me their consent to do whatever I want to them.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Jennywocky said:


> In the spirit of collecting data:
> 
> - I'm turned on receiving both of those... to _limited _degree. I'm not really into BDSM, I just like things rough if I'm in the mood for that. The experience would be considered too hard, though, if there is actual physical damage and/or continual pain afterward.
> 
> ...


...A topic on rough sex, and you're here. I can't say I'm surprised.

Done both, but is kind of hit and miss depending on the person. More girls liked the choking, which really isn't "choking" as opposed hair pulling. I think its because I have really big hands, so I can literally cover her neck and the side of her face with the same hand.


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## sofort99 (Mar 27, 2010)

I don't think I've slept with a woman that didn't want that, at one time or another, to a degree.

And really, the BDSM stuff. Biting, scratching, hail pulling, and a little choking isn't BDSM.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

I won't receive it, cause I am _suuuch_ a giver.
But they all love it. Except for them high-maintenance bitches that don't wanna ruin their hair.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

android654 said:


> ...A topic on rough sex, and you're here. I can't say I'm surprised.


:shocked:


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## Arclight (Feb 10, 2010)

It's a dominance thing.. and I have had a few GFs who liked it.. but never too rough.

Me.. I am always happy to please, but I prefer to keep my pleasure and pain separate, so I don't mind doing it , and actually like it.. but nothing back please.. Hypocritical? Sure.


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