# I graduate in a month



## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

Will I feel any different? 

Things I stand to lose: 

*Financial Aid/Scholarships totaling 8k or more a year

*Time to learn new things 

*Growth that doesn't require being molded to a certain paradigm based on greed, 401k's, "the open mall"

*my soul

Things I may gain: 

*A sports car 

*Savings 

*A Title I can use to feel better about myself which is a guise for what I will really be which is nothing more than a pawn 

*paying off debt

*home ownership

*a dining room so that once a year(maybe once in all of life) people can come to sit at the "fancy table"


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## slowriot (Nov 11, 2008)

what degree are we talking about, since you are losing your soul. Stock broker?


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

No. My degree will be A Bachelor of Science with a Focus in Literary Studies and a Focus in Psychology. A Focus is the equivalent of a minor. I did not major in anything.


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## slowriot (Nov 11, 2008)

so what kind of field do you want to go into?


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

what kind of job do you want to have/do?


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## slowriot (Nov 11, 2008)

Haha brilliant post there PeacePassion


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

I don't know. My plan as of now was going to be to start taking lots of math and science course and to actually learn how to write grammatically which is something I'm very weak in. I want a job that allows creativity and freedom, autonomy, etc. I want a job that does not exist. Physics takes forever to get to. I'm weak in math now. Architecture would require another 3 years of school and then another 10 years of moving up possibly or not at all. I'll likely end up doing something I don't want to do due to recent financial struggles. I can't afford to wait any longer and have to start applying for something.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

slowriot said:


> what degree are we talking about, since you are losing your soul. Stock broker?


It's not the degree. It's the healthcare business, financial firms, etc. Is this statement unfair? I think it is, yes. Plenty of good people do awful things so their kids will have college, for 401k, for their own healthcare. How do I know this? I've been on the receiving end.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Stapler said:


> I don't know. My plan as of now was going to be to start taking lots of math and science course and to actually learn how to write grammatically which is something I'm very weak in. I want a job that allows creativity and freedom, autonomy, etc. I want a job that does not exist. Physics takes forever to get to. I'm weak in math now. Architecture would require another 3 years of school and then another 10 years of moving up possibly or not at all. I'll likely end up doing something I don't want to do due to recent financial struggles. I can't afford to wait any longer and have to start applying for something.


you have one month left and you want to learn to write grammatically...  at this point (one month until graduation) your math class is not going to make a difference. 

umm... does your school have a career center? might be good to talk to someone there. if you didn't major in something that leads to a specific job it can be hard to be in your position, especially in the economy right now. 

honestly i sort of suck at life, i'm on unemployment now after working an office job in legal services that i hated, after taking 7 years to get an undergrad degree in comparative literature/film studies, working menial day jobs everytime i dropped out of school. 

that said, my advice is coming from learning the hard way... consider staying in school, consider finding a graduate degree or technical degree that leads to a specific job. i'm in the same boat about wanting the sort of job that doesn't exist. i'm thinking about going to beauty school to learn to cut hair. i'm introverted so it might be torture, but maybe the clients would do all the talking... anyway, i wouldn't love it but i could make it an art and it's flexible and pays decently... a decent day job maybe, when all my true ambitions are artistic. unemployment has been heaven and given me a taste of what it would be like if my dreams came true and i was able to live off art alone  that said i may not be able to make the transition before unemployment runs out. and all the jobs i've been applying for suck. but they apparently think i suck to so... i guess i should be worried about what i'm going to do but believe me having a job you hate is soul killing! 

anyway... good luck with it... seriously at least talk to your school's career center... honestly, and no offense, you seem a little unprepared for the transition  just do your best, and you'll make it!!


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

oh, and consider getting a job at your university as staff... it usually pays well, and you usually get free tuition, maybe you could then continue your education part time for free as you gain job experience... they usually have great benefits too. also, if you think you'd love architecture, go for it! there's no guarantees in any field, and i really believe you will have the best chance of success if you let yourself do what you love and are good at. ALL fields are competitive, but if it's what you love and are good at, it will give you an edge  of course you still have to do the work, get the education/degrees etc. again, good luck!! it can be scary but you will figure it out


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

I'm more than prepared. I've worked shit jobs my whole life. I'm not excited about working a new shit job that will require my being dishonest. That's the real dilemma. 

The math class does matter. It's important to me. It matters regardless of some title or degree that I have. I'm not going to progress in a method that is linear anymore. I want to learn Physics and so be it I will. So the math class does matter. 

What would make you think I"m not prepared? My awareness of how much I suck at grammar should be a good indication of the effort and self awareness I am putting forth here.

I tried the career center. You get some guy who wears a tie that he presses, wears his best loafers, his pressed suit tell you about the proper way to greet someone and that the only way to achieve anything is the most conventional way. I've been there. I think the real problem is my mindset. And I'm with you on that. But I'm only bitter because of the flack that I've taken from greedy corporations who have put a hammering on me. I don't want to be a part of that nonsense. I'd like to do something meaningful.


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## slowriot (Nov 11, 2008)

I worked for several civil engineering companies over the years and the crisis will go over. I think architecture is interesting, I work as what we call a technical designer here. Do blueprints/plans for installations and archiving. I went to what you might call tradeschool.

But if I could now Id take a longer education, if you can afford it Id reccomend that.

And what is creativity? Doing mathematic calculations of structures can be creativity for one and shaping the building for another.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

slowriot said:


> I worked for several civil engineering companies over the years and the crisis will go over. I think architecture is interesting, I work as what we call a technical designer here. Do blueprints/plans for installations and archiving. I went to what you might call tradeschool.
> 
> But if I could now Id take a longer education, if you can afford it Id reccomend that.
> 
> And what is creativity? Doing mathematic calculations of structures can be creativity for one and shaping the building for another.


i totally agree with you about creativity.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

Peacepassion, your enthusiasm for life is fascinating. It's something I don't even consider anymore.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Stapler said:


> I'm more than prepared. I've worked shit jobs my whole life. I'm not excited about working a new shit job that will require my being dishonest. That's the real dilemma.
> 
> The math class does matter. It's important to me. It matters regardless of some title or degree that I have. I'm not going to progress in a method that is linear anymore. I want to learn Physics and so be it I will. So the math class does matter.
> 
> ...


ok, i thought you were graduating in a month and worried about getting a job. the math/grammar work is a bit late for THAT, though yes, of course, if it's stuff you want to learn of course it'd good and valuable. 

i got the feeling you weren't prepared because you didn't seem to have ever worked a job before, obviously i was wrong and as you said, you're just complaining about the inevitable. 

and if you're not going to try to find a solution, maybe even a positive solution, you're just complaining. if i realized you were just complaining, i wouldn't have spent the time trying to encourage you. MY BAD.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

slowriot said:


> I worked for several civil engineering companies over the years and the crisis will go over. I think architecture is interesting, I work as what we call a technical designer here. Do blueprints/plans for installations and archiving. I went to what you might call tradeschool.
> 
> But if I could now Id take a longer education, if you can afford it Id reccomend that.
> 
> And what is creativity? Doing mathematic calculations of structures can be creativity for one and shaping the building for another.



I agree that creativity is relative to the individual and their interests. 

If you change your mind about going back, let me know. Due to circumstances and the nature of man, I've been forced into circumstances that have required a certain resourcefulness about matters of money. I could likely help you fund a different education. 

If you live in the USA for example, I know how I can get you about 10k or more a year for school, for free, if you don't already have a bachelor's degree. 

Don't settle. I refuse to. When I pick myself up from this nonsense in my life. I'll sleep in a trashbag if I have to. The last thing I want to do is let the bloodsucking leaches, corporate parasites succeed.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

Peacepassion, what you said is a good wake up call. Blaming other people(or being anti-system) for my lot in life is not going to help matters. I don't want to be amoral either with harsh criticisms. Not all corporations are evil. Not only people that work at the places that have robbed me were corrupt either. 

I considered the finding a job at a university idea. Let me ask you though. Do you think it's too late to practice writing daily, grammar, math problems, etc. Over time, I think it will add up. 

I thrill to the idea of leveling myself and having complete awareness of my skills and abilities that checks with reality.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Stapler said:


> Peacepassion, your enthusiasm for life is fascinating. It's something I don't even consider anymore.


well thanks, and forgive me for saying it sounds like you've already let the "bloodsucking leaches, corporate parasites" win. 

why have you already resigned to this? what good does sleeping in a trashbag do? you think THEY care?

all battles are first fought and won (or lost) in the mind, as they say. if you're going into this with this attitude, i suspect you'll be complaining like this the rest of your life. 

yet you still have some self awareness, so i'd say there's hope for you. quit complaining in resignation and figure out a way to make it work for you, even if you temporarily have to work for The Man. continue studying physics and working on your grammar. that is great!! i think i am obviously incapable of encouraging you further, especially if you aren't in the US, i don't know how things work where ever you are. but you're the one who has to figure it out, no one can do it for you, if if they'd like to, which i would if i could.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

PeacePassion said:


> well thanks, and forgive me for saying it sounds like you've already let the "bloodsucking leaches, corporate parasites" win.
> 
> why have you already resigned to this? what good does sleeping in a trashbag do? you think THEY care?
> 
> ...


Well, what I mean by sleeping in a trashbag is that I'm convinced of myself and in this way I won't allow them to win. Even if I have to go homeless for a while(a highly unlikely scenario). I'm fortunate to have family that I can turn to.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Stapler said:


> Peacepassion, it's a good wake up call. Blaming other people(or being anti-system) for my lot in life is not going to help matters. I don't want to be amoral either with harsh criticisms. Not all corporations are evil. Not only people that work at the places that have robbed me were corrupt either.
> 
> I considered the finding a job at a university idea. Let me ask you though. Do you think it's too late to practice writing daily, grammar, math problems, etc. Over time, I think it will add up.
> 
> I thrill to the idea of leveling myself and having complete awareness of my skills and abilities that checks with reality.


no, it's not to late, like i said, i misunderstood, math and grammar is too late for the job you need to get in a month, yes, but sure they can help you in the long run! of course! it's good to gain skills and improve, of course! 

and really, working for the university sounds like it might be a really good idea for you, you can continue studying things you're interested in, for free, all while getting a decent salary and benefits. that way you continue growing until you find something more specific you'd like to do. or maybe you'll be happy simply being able to take classes in things that interest you the rest of your life... maybe you'll become a professor! there's lots of possibilities... just try  you'll figure it out, even if the situation is less than ideal at first.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

PeacePassion said:


> no, it's not to late, like i said, i misunderstood, math and grammar is too late for the job you need to get in a month, yes, but sure they can help you in the long run! of course! it's good to gain skills and improve, of course!
> 
> and really, working for the university sounds like it might be a really good idea for you, you can continue studying things you're interested in, for free, all while getting a decent salary and benefits. that way you continue growing until you find something more specific you'd like to do. or maybe you'll be happy simply being able to take classes in things that interest you the rest of your life... maybe you'll become a professor! there's lots of possibilities... just try  you'll figure it out, even if the situation is less than ideal at first.



Why are you so happy? Is it an act? Are you on antidepressants? I'm just baffled by it. It's foreign to me.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Stapler said:


> Well, what I mean by sleeping in a trashbag is that I'm convinced of myself and in this way I won't allow them to win. Even if I have to go homeless for a while(a highly unlikely scenario). I'm fortunate to have family that I can turn to.


i'm glad you have family support! i guess my point is that resignation is not "winning". the only way to win is to find a way you can live a full life without succumbing to the limits of the greedy bastards who have set things up the way they are. but not living your life to the fullest is still letting them win. 

i admire your resolve, BTW, not to settle for a "normal" life as you've described. i think in many ways the average person working the average job for the average company is not much better than a slave. it seems a sort of modern day slavery. so i do admire your adamant desire not to get stuck in that grind. yet it's not good enough to lay down and die. have the courage to figure out a new way to live, even if you have to be a part of the system as it is for a while, as you figure it out.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Stapler said:


> Why are you so happy? Is it an act? Are you on antidepressants? I'm just baffled by it. It's foreign to me.


lol what makes you think i'm happy??? in a sense i am, as i got laid off from the job i hated and am now living off unemployment insurance and can spend my time on art and music and writing and things that i love and am doing my best to make a living in... yet i still have to be applying for jobs and i know most likely i'll have to get another job i hate just to pay the bills... so yeah, i'm happy, i've learned to enjoy life even when it sucks. and right now it sucks a little less than usual. but what is happiness but one of many emotions?


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

I think your optimism is blind. It's merely a tool used to deflect any type of negativity? I'm bitter. I'm bitter for good reasons. I assure you that my reasons are absurd. I'm usually good at pointing out something ironic about it. Is it more authentic for me to fake happiness? and believe that happiness really exists(hahahahahahahahaha laugh it up, laugh it up) or to live a life of fierce morbidness. :tongue:


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Stapler said:


> I think your optimism is blind. It's merely a tool used to deflect any type of negativity? I'm bitter. I'm bitter for good reasons. I assure you that my reasons are absurd. I'm usually good at pointing out something ironic about it. Is it more authentic for me to fake happiness? and believe that happiness really exists(hahahahahahahahaha laugh it up, laugh it up) or to live a life of fierce morbidness. :tongue:


oh my optimism isn't blind. it's not even that optimistic. i don't deflect negativity, i take it to heart. i feel it pumping through my veins like poison. too much time around someone with a fierce morbidness would probably kill me. 

i admire the absurd. i appreciate it. it's often true at least. 

have you never been happy? not even for a moment? talk about blind optimism! there's no happiness at the end of the tunnel! there's no happy ever after! the key is to feel those moments of fleeting happiness as deeply and painfully as all the negativity those very happy moments are drowning in. 

that said, chronic fake happiness and chronic fake morbidness are two sides of the same coin. life is beautiful and ugly too. what's the point of rebelling against what's disgusting if you're not going to at least enjoy what there is to be enjoyed? i only hope living a life of fierce morbidness will someday allow you to change something, if not in all of society, then within yourself at least. i do admire that. 

and, for the record, i don't regret suffering, as it has given me the sensitivity to appreciate the things that can be appreciated in life. 

:mellow:


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

PeacePassion said:


> oh my optimism isn't blind. it's not even that optimistic. i don't deflect negativity, i take it to heart. i feel it pumping through my veins like poison. too much time around someone with a fierce morbidness would probably kill me.
> 
> i admire the absurd. i appreciate it. it's often true at least.
> 
> ...


Stapler is Deagalman. 

I wonder how much loss you've suffered. I was happy briefly when I was in love with this one girl. But at the time, I was also deeply miserable for intense personal reasons. There is more to every story. I won't share mine with you. But, I think you should wonder to the why of things deeper than just believing that I'm supposed to smile all the time. I'm not special or any of that. I should follow the speed limit and to pay my taxes. Let me make that clear. But a normal life is never going to be in my cards regardless of if I want it. Certain conditions prevent such from occurring. This is all I will say. Realize that I realize that my lot in life is no different than any other's, that I do my best not to be bitter. That I work to correct myself daily. But also realize it's not the same for everyone. That certain conditions that are in your life do not apply to mine. I'm not looking for the epiphany to lift me to the greater chariots driven to the sky of happiness or any other nonsense you or some other pharmaceutical hoax will try to provide for me.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Deagalman said:


> I wonder how much loss you've suffered. I was happy briefly when I was in love with this one girl. But at the time, I was also deeply miserable for intense personal reasons. There is more to every story. I won't share mine with you. But, I think you should wonder to the why of things deeper than just believing that I'm supposed to smile all the time. I'm not special or any of that. I should follow the speed limit and to pay my taxes. Let me make that clear. But a normal life is never going to be in my cards regardless of if I want it. Certain conditions prevent such from occurring. This is all I will say. Realize that I realize that my lot in life is no different than any other's, that I do my best not to be bitter. That I work to correct myself daily. But also realize it's not the same for everyone. That certain conditions that are in your life do not apply to mine. I'm not looking for the epiphany to lift me to the greater chariots drivien the sky of happiness or any other nonsense you or some other pharmaceutical hoax will try to provide for me.


all i am saying is it is important to enjoy the moments of happiness when they come. i'm not trying to tell you to smile all the time. in fact i don't see how you could think that's what i was saying at all. it's not. 

and yes, people's stories are all different and there's not much value in trying to compare sufferings... but i think there's value in compassion and encouragement and that's all i've tried to offer you here. 

i admire your passion which i admit wasn't clear to me at first, but it is clear to me now. and i admire your quest for self-correction, may many blessings come to you from that.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

PeacePassion said:


> all i am saying is it is important to enjoy the moments of happiness when they come. i'm not trying to tell you to smile all the time. in fact i don't see how you could think that's what i was saying at all. it's not.
> 
> and yes, people's stories are all different and there's not much value in trying to compare sufferings... but i think there's value in compassion and encouragement and that's all i've tried to offer you here.
> 
> i admire your passion which i admit wasn't clear to me at first, but it is clear to me now. and i admire your quest for self-correction, may many blessings come to you from that.


OK. I went too far. Thank you for the compassion and encouragement. 

If only my passion were realized. 

No blessings will come to me from self correction. But I will do what is right. It's my hope I will challenge what is wrong and quit biting my tongue.


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

Admittedly i didn't read the whole thread, but I think the general impression is that you have the graduation blues. I didn't think they existed, but I've been suffering from them personally for weeks now and it culminated with the actual graduation. A number of friends too. If it's any consolation; it fades really quick.


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