# The Elaborate Fantasy...who else does this?



## periculosa (Apr 3, 2010)

I've had very elaborate fantasies, some of them about real people, but others about people I've invented or (most often) historical people. In one case it lasted for months. I would walk two miles a day in the mornings, and that was my "fantasy time." In that case it was a made up character who became so real to me I decided to begin a novel with her as the main character. Years later, I realize that the character was really me and all her frustrations were actually mine, though at that time I did not want to admit it.

When my life was boring and unfulfilling, it was indeed easy to use fantasy as a substitute for reality. My life is still unfulfilling, but not boring, so fantasy doesn't get quite the same attention it used to. I don't judge daydreaming and fantasy as an unproductive waste of time...they are creative outlets, and if examined may point to issues that need attending to.


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## waterviolet (Apr 28, 2010)

Isn't that normal? Of course "normal" is all relative. In any case, yes, I do create a little fantasy for myself...it makes life a little more interesting. Most times I find myself creating fantasy right before falling asleep with the hope I will find it in my dreams. Rarely does it work. I generally get caught up in the minute details and inevitably the fantasy stalls out before it has a chance to start. 

At other times I avoid fantasy in order to avoid feeling disappointed with reality. Some things you just can't change and accepting that fact is half the battle.


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## Female INFJ (Feb 27, 2010)

You Tube - _Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You LYRICS_ 

Maybe it's intuition
but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

Hey NF's this song is for you. I hate the break the mood however, I am the least romantic INFJ there is on PerC likely, and I don't do this 'elaborate fantasy' thing. If it happens or starts, i allow maybe 5 minutes max. and i honestly don't take any guy seriously who does this. to me it shows that a person is completely unrealistic, and likely too idealistic...a little may seem romantic - however notice at the end of the video - he doesn't even talk to her - how productive is that? and sadly how common is that with this type of man. i think that happens a lot with guys who remain in fantasy mode...but is a beautiful song, and i don't doubt that the fantasies that people have like this are special in their moment. 

although my mind can develop elaborate fantasies of all natures, especially sexual - i know the difference between fantasy and reality and there is little emotion i feel, because i don't get attached. but each person is different! i don't want to rain on the parade of romantic types. this song just came to mind! and i was like 'that's it!' this is what i wanted to say in this thread  i think there is a scary or even adrenaline part of this though - should the 'intuition' be accurate (not laden with desire), and re-occurring in the mind, then certainly - there is something more to look at, if this situation happens! and to take that first step, who does it? the boy or girl? i almost always end up with that job, kind of kills the romance. hehehe but then INFJ kind of can figure things out (love and attraction) pretty early after a few minutes into any encounter (or a few encounters) depending on if the message is desired to be heard. that's pretty scary, but awesome at the same time! i like that about myself - but yeah, no one would catch me with this sappy song on my ipod!



waterviolet said:


> Isn't that normal? Of course "normal" is all relative. In any case, yes, I do create a little fantasy for myself...it makes life a little more interesting. Most times I find myself creating fantasy right before falling asleep with the hope I will find it in my dreams. Rarely does it work. I generally get caught up in the minute details and inevitably the fantasy stalls out before it has a chance to start.
> 
> At other times I avoid fantasy in order to avoid feeling disappointed with reality. Some things you just can't change and accepting that fact is half the battle.


Well said _waterviolet_ - you got straight to the point about this topic - long before i even figured out what i wanted to say! i wanted to add though, about the 'stalling'. i think for INFJ a lot of patience is required, sometimes as an INFJ may again see things so early in advance, to bring up emotions too early on someone who is 'oblivious' to what is going on, can really kill the tender sprouting plant of love, with too much sun or water, before it has a chance to grow. I think for INFJs it is a good thing to develop patience. it doesn't mean that a person met is not 'going to be' a special person eventually, if we give up too soon, that could be a factor also. the waiting is so tedious sometimes though, for someone to come around i mean.

and i've had it happen the other way around too! that's cool also, when a person has a higher intuitive ability than me, and refuses to go ahead on a relationship, before i even get a chance to ask, or before i get a chance to quell my desires for a person. i don't mind that happening, i guess it reminds me that at times, there are so many ahead of me (intuition) also. it is a good reminder. i think a lot of guys hold out, they won't use the word 'intuition' as to not seem 'new age' or 'girlie' but some guys have insane intuitive abilities, especially these INFJ men for example. i think they would usually be in the case of being 'ahead' in encounters, even with an INFJ lady. so if it is ego reduction sought, look for an INFJ male! hahaha i thought i was 'attracted' but now i am in 'awe' and kind of 'infuriated'; as i thought i'd have the upper hand. but then that's my issue, i always like to be on top, or win i mean 

i think this is not too far off topic, as intuition is likely part of this 'elaborate fantasy' stuff - but it should be assessed to what degree the accuracy of the thoughts are, and if a person wants to go ahead with a person the elaborately fantasize about, it may help them to really take a look at why they are having these fantasies, and what is it they need to fulfill with another person, and what their desires are, and if they are being realistic - honestly maybe some ice cream may resolve the issue, instead of throwing oneself into a romance novel type love - which may lead to disappointments more often than not.

i was also doing some further thinking, an NF once told me unplesantly that i like 'assholes', well i thought, why is that? why pick a more crude insensitive type over a romantic type of man - then i thought, my sister and i were discussing this yesterday - NF types only go for certain kinds of women - and also, even should an encounter arise, with a bad ass type of guy, at least i know where i stand, it's straight forward, whereas with a romantic type there is no getting into their head, also knowing where i'm at with them, because of all of the mystery and lack of action...well not saying all situations are like that - but i was kind of annoyed when being accused of that, like it was a bad thing. well i don't mean bad by saying this - i like both 'nice' types and 'not nice' types of men, but at least the 'not nice' are not afraid to put themselves out there, and ask for what they want. instead of waiting for me to develop gray hair before anything is done. but this thread is far too 'pretty' i'll go bitch about this on another thread related to this topic


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## Razvan (Dec 17, 2009)

Female INFJ said:


> with a romantic type there is no getting into their head, also knowing where i'm at with them, because of all of the mystery and lack of action...well not saying all situations are like that - but i was kind of annoyed when being accused of that, like it was a bad thing. well i don't mean bad by saying this - i like both 'nice' types and 'not nice' types of men, but at least the 'not nice' are not afraid to put themselves out there, and ask for what they want. instead of waiting for me to develop gray hair before anything is done. but this thread is far too 'pretty' i'll go bitch about this on another thread related to this topic



I have to disappoint you but being NF does not mean we do not put ourselves out there, yeah, maybe it's not as easy for us, but if I see someone I really like I will try to put myself out there, talk to her, find courage to ask her out if I see we can connect. Shyness is one thing, that probably introverts have more than other types, but it's not really related to NFs. You are an introvert like me and yeah, I'd love it too if the other would make the first step, instead of me. So basically what you need is an extrovert, NF or not. Oh and to give an example, if I really like someone, there is nothing that could stop me from being with that person, even if it means, traveling for hours or hundreds of miles. I will do it and I will make it happen, as long as it's something both people want.


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## Female INFJ (Feb 27, 2010)

Razvan said:


> I have to disappoint you but being NF does not mean we do not put ourselves out there, yeah, maybe it's not as easy for us, but if I see someone I really like I will try to put myself out there, talk to her, find courage to ask her out if I see we can connect. Shyness is one thing, that probably introverts have more than other types, but it's not really related to NFs. You are an introvert like me and yeah, I'd love it too if the other would make the first step, instead of me. So basically what you need is an extrovert, NF or not. Oh and to give an example, if I really like someone, there is nothing that could stop me from being with that person, even if it means, traveling for hours or hundreds of miles. I will do it and I will make it happen, as long as it's something both people want.


Hey _Razvan_ - thanks for responding - I was just mainly venting a bit of frustration  I truly would like an NF type of man, but I don't think they'd like me, so I was clearly more venting...sorry hope I didn't step on any toes - I suppose I'm not that special, because if I was then I'd be with someone special by now! [maybe NF] Just getting annoyed, not anyone's problem. I know most of them aren't silly enough to not go after the woman they like, just happens to never be a type like me! but I suppose I'll survive...Others just ignore my rant unless there is something helpful to say to me - or especially something related to thread  I guess such is destiny, I have become very self sufficient, as I don't meet types that can satisfy my emotional needs. and I don't like E types, I think that may even be worse, but then who knows perhaps time will tell.


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## periculosa (Apr 3, 2010)

Female INFJ said:


> You Tube - _Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You LYRICS_
> 
> Maybe it's intuition
> but some things you just don't question
> ...


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## Calvaire (Nov 14, 2009)

I do this often.
Sometimes about the wonderful people here on PerC:blushed:


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## Razvan (Dec 17, 2009)

Female INFJ said:


> Hey _Razvan_ - thanks for responding - I was just mainly venting a bit of frustration  I truly would like an NF type of man, but I don't think they'd like me, so I was clearly more venting...sorry hope I didn't step on any toes - I suppose I'm not that special, because if I was then I'd be with someone special by now! [maybe NF] Just getting annoyed, not anyone's problem. I know most of them aren't silly enough to not go after the woman they like, just happens to never be a type like me! but I suppose I'll survive...Others just ignore my rant unless there is something helpful to say to me - or especially something related to thread  I guess such is destiny, I have become very self sufficient, as I don't meet types that can satisfy my emotional needs. and I don't like E types, I think that may even be worse, but then who knows perhaps time will tell.


Don't worry,when it will happen, it will happen and it will definitely happen.:laughing: And don't say you're not special, because we are all special. We all have our uniqness and our special beauty.You just haven't met somebody who can appreciate yours to it's true value. Oh and I wouldn't just discard that E options, E can be great for introverts as long as they have a certain balance. I love it when I'm with an E, because I can follow them, let them take the lead and not worry about a thing, except having fun. It helps me avoid unnecessary emotional stress, but letting them handle the people, the communication etc. I can't really say that I have met my fantasy person and I love the song you posted I'd love it to be like that, but whatever happens, I like to keep a positive attitude and fell happy with our without that fantasy.


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## Strayfire (Jun 26, 2010)

Oh, that's always fun!

Except I normally imagine: Gee, wouldn't the world be nice with my imagery friend!


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## Female INFJ (Feb 27, 2010)

Atenza Coltheart said:


> I'm a soul that has walked amongst fantasy after fantasy and I'm sure the rest of us here are too. I'm one that will imagine, spew up creative passions and plant seeds into the world for them to grow, for them to grow in people, and each person has a different key. A different shape as my mind slowly watches what kinds of passions and fantasies brew within myself towards someone.
> 
> That's how I work.. I guess.


 Atenza Coltheart,

How is life, seems like you have been quiet lately. No more fantasies for us to secretly enjoy! Your writing is really nice, perhaps you have now found a real life person to tend to. I've changed so much! As of 2011, no more fantasy! Boring, yes, but I have been more productive in other areas of life, for sure. Although I don't mind reading others thoughts! When they are written so nicely.



periculosa said:


> I've had very elaborate fantasies, some of them about real people, but others about people I've invented or (most often) historical people. In one case it lasted for months. I would walk two miles a day in the mornings, and that was my "fantasy time." In that case it was a made up character who became so real to me I decided to begin a novel with her as the main character. Years later, I realize that the character was really me and all her frustrations were actually mine, though at that time I did not want to admit it.
> 
> When my life was boring and unfulfilling, it was indeed easy to use fantasy as a substitute for reality. My life is still unfulfilling, but not boring, so fantasy doesn't get quite the same attention it used to. I don't judge daydreaming and fantasy as an unproductive waste of time...they are creative outlets, and if examined may point to issues that need attending to.


Great advice, however I would still say that too much time spent daydreaming is not good for me. I tend to get lost in it. And sometimes I use it as an escape when I am not happy with my life. I can keep myself very busy day to day, but I remain very unfulfilled in life. I can relate to that. I hope your feelings have now changed on that, and that you are having a more fulfilled life!


Razvan said:


> Don't worry,when it will happen, it will happen and it will definitely happen.:laughing: And don't say you're not special, because we are all special. We all have our uniqness and our special beauty.You just haven't met somebody who can appreciate yours to it's true value. Oh and I wouldn't just discard that E options, E can be great for introverts as long as they have a certain balance. I love it when I'm with an E, because I can follow them, let them take the lead and not worry about a thing, except having fun. It helps me avoid unnecessary emotional stress, but letting them handle the people, the communication etc. I can't really say that I have met my fantasy person and I love the song you posted I'd love it to be like that, but whatever happens, I like to keep a positive attitude and fell happy with our without that fantasy.


Thank you for the kind words. Your sig [below] is very beautiful. At this time, still single. But now in acceptance of that. I did a year ago need a lot of talking through my feelings on PerC, letting them out I'm sure was annoying for many, but helpful to me in sorting out an emotional direction for myself.


> "Love, emotions, feelings, devotion; don't be afraid to believe, don't be to proud to be strong, just look into your heart my friend and you'll see the return to yourself...the return to innocence."





periculosa said:


> *...*
> I knew I loved you before I met you
> I think I dreamed you into life
> I knew I loved you before I met you
> ...


 periculosa,

This is really cool -- Are you truly a librarian? Perhaps there you can daydream on quieter days. Much respect, I love libraries. That song is a bit mushy for me, but many people love it. I'm glad you enjoyed my post.


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## Razvan (Dec 17, 2009)

Female INFJ said:


> Thank you for the kind words. Your sig [below] is very beautiful. At this time, still single. But now in acceptance of that. I did a year ago need a lot of talking through my feelings on PerC, letting them out I'm sure was annoying for many, but helpful to me in sorting out an emotional direction for myself.


It's from Enigma - Return to innocence and talking about your feelings can never be annoying for an INFP (in my opinion), I for one feed on this kind of stories, as long as the one who is telling them is telling them with an open mind, wanting to heal and isn't just ranting or blowing off steam to pass me their negativity. I'd never refuse somebody wanting my help, if I can help them, but I run away from energy drainers, you were not the case. :happy:


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## Peacock (Mar 11, 2011)

Ugh, I spend waaay too much time thinking of all these -ahem- highly unlikely scenarios. Even when I just think of the future a little I space out and have my own little world.


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## unico (Feb 3, 2011)

I spend way too much time fantasizing about people and what we could do together and then I get disappointed when it can't happen. I'm not always disappointed, though -- I often very much enjoy the time I get to spend with people; the issue is just that I imagine so many things that aren't feasible for one reason or another.


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## Bunker Man (Jan 4, 2011)

It starts out as planning ahead in a fractacticular pattern of having answers for any possible thing someone is likely to bring up, or any situation that is likely to arise. It usually gets out of hand, and into the ludicrous quite quickly. But it still fulfills it's original purpose.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

I fantasize way too much about situations and people and what might happen in the future. University is a good example. I keep imagining every situation I might be and build it up and up until it's almost like I'm there.


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## Buttonsvalenti (Mar 1, 2011)

I've done it. With several guys, and the most recent time, it was one sided, which sucked. Now I just have elaborate fantasies about The Right One. It's oodles of fun, even if at time it's been a harder let down, (like with the one sided thing) because a good fantasy life gets my hopes up.


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## SublimeSerendipity (Dec 30, 2010)

> Now I just have elaborate fantasies about The Right One. It's oodles of fun, even if at time it's been a harder let down, (like with the one sided thing) because a good fantasy life gets my hopes up.


Soo me!! But yeah, it's like I know by doing this I'm simply creating an idealized man who in real life could not possibly exist, which sucks. My very own Mr. Darcy.

I tend to use my elaborate fantasy time before falling asleep when I'm lying awake - it helps me to drift off to sleep because it's like I'm already in my dream when I'm awake. It also is a way to distract me from everything else on my mind and makes my mind focus on something not in reality, because especially right now reality is just too stressful!!

And this is weird, but I also sometimes fantasize about catastrophes or dangerous situations and how I would react in them. Anyone else do this?


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## Companion Cubeless (Mar 23, 2011)

... AP psych book says females are more likely to fantasize about improbable mates, while males are more likely to think about probable mates. You know what, im starting to see it.

Thought i was going to go into this and talk about intense day dreaming and came up short, least i can post something


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