# I Need Help Analyzing an ISTJ



## rainydayz (Jul 27, 2016)

I met an ISTJ a few years ago. He was cold and didnt seem to like me but warmed up. He would do me favors without me asking, talked to me everyday, asked for my opinions and we joked around. Due to moving around we lost touch and i didnt get to see him for almost 2 years.

I just recently got in touch with him and hes more aloof with me than ever. Ive tried to talk to him, about his interests and previous things we enjoyed and i get one word responses where he makes eye contact for one second and immediately looks down.
Is he being submissive? i thought he may have previously been interested in me romantically and maybe now its hard for him to process?
But he seems to be isolating himself and avoiding me so maybe he just doesnt want to become friends again. 
Can any ISTJs explain this behavior?


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## Singinscorpio (Oct 9, 2017)

I’m not an ISTJ but my step-dad is and my love interest is an ESTJ. I’ve recently been researching both of these types to the point of obsession. Here’s what I’ve learned: 1) BE DIRECT! These types don’t beat around the bush. If you like them it’s best to swallow the fear lump welling in your throat and just tell them. Terrifying, I know... 2) It takes FOREVER for them to trust you and be comfortable with you. If you lost touch and didn’t try that hard to keep in touch you may have lost some brownie points with him. Did I mention they take a really, really, REALLY long time to open up. Once they do and you’re suddenly gone, that hurts them even if they don’t say it. These guys have a hard time expressing their emotions but they are FULL of them and are some of the most sensitive (in my experience, but this is opinion). So if he took the time to commit his emotional space with you and HE feels that you didn’t appreciate his efforts he may be pissed. 3) Don’t be overly emotional with him. They’re very logical and fact based. The facts are: he was willing to be friends and then the relationship he was expecting went away, you lost touch, effort was not reciprocated on your part, he’s wary of opening up to you again bc you may leave. If you want to appeal to him start off with assuming these are the facts he’s basing his current mood with you on. Again, be direct, and if you’re wanting to convince him you deserve a second chance, tell him the facts. “I feel like you might be feeling X because of Y and Z(facts). I propose we work on reviewing/clarifying Y and Z and then inject your own feelings(conservatively!!) and your own facts and see if you can convince him otherwise...
4) These dudes don’t like or handle change very well. They like consistency, stability and routine. Try sticking around this time. Be patient in your persuance but steady. Don’t go anywhere this time! 

Good luck!!


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## mazepla (Oct 23, 2017)

rainydayz said:


> I met an ISTJ a few years ago. He was cold and didnt seem to like me but warmed up. He would do me favors without me asking, talked to me everyday, asked for my opinions and we joked around. Due to moving around we lost touch and i didnt get to see him for almost 2 years.
> 
> I just recently got in touch with him and hes more aloof with me than ever. Ive tried to talk to him, about his interests and previous things we enjoyed and i get one word responses where he makes eye contact for one second and immediately looks down.
> Is he being submissive? i thought he may have previously been interested in me romantically and maybe now its hard for him to process?
> ...


Since my mother is an ISTJ, I hope this information will help you some.
You may know ISTJs not good with expressing their feelings.(so am I, sometimes) 
I often feel like she's cold, but as we talked together directly, it made me understand that she's not that careless.
She said to me she was still care, but she didn't know what to do properly.
I guess your ISTJ friend probably has good feelings to you, or he has no idea what's he feeling himself.
However, it is hard to guess his thought.
I think the best way to know what ISTJs' thinking is asking to them directly. 
This may require some braveness, but we can't just assume ourselves. 
I think it'll fine because they're frankly. So they may prefer obvious actions and honestly questions.

I hope you good luck. roud:


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## Justmeonhere (Jan 7, 2017)

My mother is an ISTJ. I hope this helps :happy:

They've really a hard time letting you know of their feelings. As the other said it's better talking with them directly. They are really cautious around people, they don't warm up easily. 

I guess the best thing to do is:

1) Wait. You need to restabilish your relationship so the ISTJ doesn't feels surprised/ thinks it's too early. They also like stableness so seeing you stick around for longer will help. 
2) When it comes the time ask directly if there's interest in a relationship with you. 

Good luck!


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## atruebluescreen (Oct 29, 2017)

The other responses here are good, and I think singinscorpio really nailed it. As an ISTJ, my immediate thought was 'wow, two years without any contact--people change so much in the time, you could be a stranger.' You could also be reminding him of things he went through back when he knew you that weren't pleasant (but didn't have anything to do with you, just the time period overlaps). It could also be that he was really interested in you and thought you would email him or write to him during that period, and he became very disappointed waiting for a message from you, and that feeling has carried over til now.

My experience with ENTPs that I'm not very sure where I rank with them. They seem to enjoy my company, but they do that with many people so perhaps I'm actually disposable? For chitchat that's fine, but I couldn't stand the thought of being a friend of somebody who could forget about me so easily.

My advice would be to maybe take more time in case all you needed to do was catch up, and at an appropriate moment, just ask.


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