# Forced Friends



## powuhaus (May 30, 2012)

Did you ever had to have forced friends when you was a kid? Say your parents force you to be friends with someone even though you dont like them at all.

Well, Im 13. I am being forced to be friends with a kid that barely speaks english, really fucking annoying and most important of all he has autism which basically means : He is Mentally Retarded.

It isnt as bad as it used to be when i lived 5 mins away from his house. I just moved and now its about an hour walk. So that means he doesent come knocking every day, he only comes around with his parents when theres a party. But that sucks even more because everyone is having fun except for me. Playing Call of Duty without dying once, FUCKING FUN. Eating crisps that he has put in his mouth and put them back in the bowl, FUCKING DELICIOUS. Cleaning up after his mess, FUCKING GREAT.

I could be playing video games WITH MY FRIENDS, I could be animating, I could be enjoying the party! But no, of course not, I have to babysit a person that is older than me.


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## Impermanence (Apr 24, 2012)

Yes I was forced to be friends with someone but just remember that at some time you might have been as well without knowing it. You also might want to cut down on the swearing.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

I've never had to be friends with someone I didn't want to. Quite frankly, I think that's kind of stupid unless you only associate with them to try to use them or are the type of person that is terrified of being alone at any given moment. Thankfully having some level of independence has put me into a position where I've never had to be "friends" with someone I didn't particularly care for. It's also kept me from forming frenemies as well. Some may say I haven't met enough people, I say I just know how to keep good company at all times. 

Also, yeah. Less swearing'll help you get your point across.


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## powuhaus (May 30, 2012)

Sorry about the swearing. Im just a lil' pissed because he's with me tonight and it basically ruined my night...:crying:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

powuhaus said:


> Sorry about the swearing. Im just a lil' pissed because he's with me tonight and it basically ruined my night...:crying:


Aw. It's okay. We tend to curse a lot around here. I understand your frustration. You know it's common to break away from childhood friends right around your age. You are coming to your own. Those friends that your parents forced you with just don't seem to be what you like in people, etc. I think your inner voice is growing stronger. I wouldn't bottle it up. Could you talk to your parents about it before you wind up screaming at them about it later? Maybe they can help ease the separation a bit? Sounds like your move was a good thing. Maybe it's baby steps?

Btw, it's hard for parents at first to realize that you are becoming your own man with your own preferences. It can be a very slow, yet painful transition for the both of you. Try to use calm communication, not hostility towards others or yourself.


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## powuhaus (May 30, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> I wouldn't bottle it up. Could you talk to your parents about it before you wind up screaming at them about it later?


My parents know about it... and they understand me. But they are good friends with his parents and they dont want to lose them. He cant be left at home by himself and since im the closest thing he has to a friend i dont think his parents would do that anyway...


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

powuhaus said:


> My parents know about it... and they understand me. But they are good friends with his parents and they dont want to lose them. He cant be left at home by himself and since im the closest thing he has to a friend i dont his parents would do that anyway...


It's only going to get harder and you will become eventually more resentful. I'm sure when you are 16 and 17 you will want to be out with friends, driving around, etc. They can't possibly expect you to babysit. That really isn't your responsibility. At some point, your parents are going to have to be more of an advocate for you. It's also not fair to your friend. I'm sure his parents don't want him "baby sat" by someone who is resentful of it. I would hate to leave my child with anyone who wasn't happy about it. No way. It doesn't matter how much I need a baby sitter. That's my job as a parent-I don't have a babysitter, I make my own personal sacrifices. 

I am thinking those other parents don't know that you are resentful. They might think you actually like it and don't mean for you to be in that position. So I still think speaking up is best. If you can communicate to your parents in a way with the idea that it's _best for the friend_ to spend time with someone who is not so resentful, it would really help. Actually, it's best for all involved. 

Your parents don't have to stress losing their friends. Real friends are not made just because they found an "instant babysitter". At least I hope not. I hope your parent's friends value your parents' companionship beyond what their son provides as a care taker.

Sometimes 2 kids from 2 different families and 2 different schools aren't going to get along at all, even if their parents are friends. Of course it does make it easier if they can. But often, one kid could be involved with a completely different group of friends with a completely different set of hobbies. This is going to happen more and more. It's silly to force you to be friends as you start maturing into adulthood, going into high school and forming your own path. Just remember to remain calm and as respectful in your communication. Adults will listen to you better if you do. 

Also, do they really consider you a caretaker or a babysitter? If that is the case, you could also pitch getting paid. But I'm not sure you feel qualified to take on such a task. Just thought I'd throw that idea out there. 

Lol. Maybe you should print this out and give it to your parents?


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

powuhaus said:


> My parents know about it... and they understand me. But they are good friends with his parents and they dont want to lose them. He cant be left at home by himself and since im the closest thing he has to a friend i dont think his parents would do that anyway...


Comes the question... don't the parents of that person have him in a special school/institution where he can get along with other people with the same issues he has? Wouldn't it be better to get him someone that can share those moments with him better than you? 

Seems the parents are just being lazy and letting their "kid" depend on you. What next? You take him up to live with you when you move out of your parents' house to lead your own life? Because this will happen and then what? Time to start weaning him out of this and into finding friends at his school/institution.

And honestly, if those were my parents, I would have told them "sure, he comes over but you clean up his mess, and after <insert time>, I'm off as I have better things to do"... but that's me... 

If they want a babysitter while they "socialize", pay for one. Seems to me like both parents are just having you pitch in as free nanny.


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## powuhaus (May 30, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> It's only going to get harder and you will become eventually more resentful. I'm sure when you are 16 and 17 you will want to be out with friends, driving around, etc. They can't possibly expect you to babysit. That really isn't your responsibility. At some point, your parents are going to have to be more of an advocate for you. It's also not fair to your friend. I'm sure his parents don't want him "baby sat" by someone who is resentful of it. I would hate to leave my child with anyone who wasn't happy about it. No way. It doesn't matter how much I need a baby sitter. That's my job as a parent-I don't have a babysitter, I make my own personal sacrifices.
> 
> I am thinking those other parents don't know that you are resentful. They might think you actually like it and don't mean for you to be in that position. So I still think speaking up is best. If you can communicate to your parents in a way with the idea that it's _best for the friend_ to spend time with someone who is not so resentful, it would really help. Actually, it's best for all involved.
> 
> ...


Thanks. I might try to do some of those things.


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## powuhaus (May 30, 2012)

ilphithra,

I think he goes to a regular school but gets special needs...

I guess his parents are being quite lazy yes... and he is most definately not moving in with me! Fuck that...

I dont see them paying me anytime soon though. I might try asking them but it seems like they are more likely to just stop their kid coming around... which would be nice but my parents would be pissed at me...

It's Complicated... Especially when i'm a huge pussy... :dry:


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## Catenaccio (May 2, 2011)

You're very young so you should not directly contradict your parents. But maybe you could get a job like a paper round to show them your worth, and they might let you make more of your own decisions, especially if its your own money you are spending.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

powuhaus said:


> ilphithra,
> 
> I think he goes to a regular school but gets special needs...
> 
> ...


You're not a pussy. You care about all those involved and you have empathy. That is a strength. Creating boundaries so that you don't get used can be tough. It can be tough for a lot of people, even adults. And it's especially tough when someone else is providing your basic needs. But that doesn't mean you don't have a voice or that you can't be heard. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. Be strong. 

If you haven't already done so, work on figuring out your MBTI type so you can learn about some of your strengths and weakness and grow. You will find many others who are like you.


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## powuhaus (May 30, 2012)

> You're very young so you should not directly contradict your parents. But maybe you could get a job like a paper round to show them your worth, and they might let you make more of your own decisions, especially if its your own money you are spending.


I Do have a job which is selling scrap copper. Quite nice pay actually...



> You're not a pussy. You care about all those involved and you have empathy. That is a strength. Creating boundaries so that you don't get used can be tough. It can be tough for a lot of people, even adults. And it's especially tough when someone else is providing your basic needs. But that doesn't mean you don't have a voice or that you can't be heard. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. Be strong.


The reason why i said i was a pussy is because i usually dont have the balls to do something. Never had a girl, but then again, i never really tried to get one. Yeah i dunno...roud:


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