# Why do boys tease the girl they like?



## EmpireConquered

I want to know people's opinion about this. Is it true or untrue, if yes, why do they do that? I like to think its because of insecurity and general awkwardness, or is it mere childishness?


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## Ace Face

It depends on the individual and has nothing to do with gender. Anybody can tease people they like  I don't just limit my teasing to people in whom I am romantically interested  I tease people I feel close to. For me, it has to do with feeling comfortable around those partciular people and being playful with them :3 I love playful people ^.^'


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## sly

Ace Face said:


> It depends on the individual and has nothing to do with gender. Anybody can tease people they like  I don't just limit my teasing to people in whom I am romantically interested  I tease people I feel close to. For me, it has to do with feeling comfortable around those partciular people and being playful with them :3 I love playful people ^.^'


*poke tickle poke poke*


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## Swordsman of Mana

EmpireConquered said:


> I want to know people's opinion about this. Is it true or untrue, if yes, why do they do that? I like to think its because of insecurity and general awkwardness, or is it mere childishness?


- they're trying to flirt and bad at it
- they're trying to be playful
- they can't control themselves


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## EmpireConquered

So why do people act as if they dislike the people they particularly, is it because they are masochists or is it just their way of flirting?


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## Swordsman of Mana

EmpireConquered said:


> So why do people act as if they dislike the people they particularly, is it because they are masochists or is it just their way of flirting?


it's because they don't have the balls to say "I find you very attractive. would you like to dance?"


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## bellisaurius

I only tease people I like. If I don't like someone, I usually ignore them, or am quick in my politeness. 

In some circles, especially those where compliments are tough to give, and feel insincere, you have to hide behind a cloak of humor in order to show affection, and next to naughty humor, making light of people foibles is probably the easiest. It's also the nicest, sincerest thing one can do, imho.


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## Seeker99

I used to do this to guys I was interested in. I like to think I've matured since - maybe? 

For me, it was just a way of saying 'Hey, I'm comfortable around you. I'm also fucking hilarious. NOTICE ME.'


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## Sybok

attention and no problem with "well, but I dont like you" as an answer to "hi, my name is... i like you" ;D


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## EmpireConquered

How about bullying? Do guys ever bully girls they like?


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## Aleksandra

Maybe it's because of their frustration. They can't stand the fact that the girl doesn't seem interested and that they need to make efforts to catch her attention and make her like them, something like "I want you but I can't have you and it pisses me off". It may be the case, even though it's still irrational.
I know it, cause once I told something terrible to my friend and I hurt him as a result, only because he doesn't reciprocate and it drives me mad.


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## BlissfulDreams

I think they do it because they are used to doing it with their brothers and male friends. When guys like each other as friends, they play rough. They poke, kick, and insult each other just for fun. Then they become teenagers and show an interest in girls and expect them to respond well to the same treatment. Meanwhile, girls do the same behaviour when they _hate_ each other, so they are left wondering what they did wrong and why this guy hates them.

And I think some of this childishness can carry on into adulthood. To me it's just stupid.


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## Ace Face

sly said:


> *poke tickle poke poke*


:O He tickled me on teh interwebzz! This means it has to be lub **in awe** lololol.


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## Jennywocky

Swordsman of Mana said:


> - they're trying to flirt and bad at it
> - they're trying to be playful
> - they can't control themselves


I would guess it would be something like this... and I think we are talking about guys who seem to just tease the girls but never are really at converting this to actual flirting with obvious intent and potential for a romantic relationship?

I've seen guys like this on forums, and boys typically do it preteen before they pick up enough social skills to know how to actually engage differently. It's like the attraction/interest is there, but the only tools they have to express that interest through are not yet the developed romantic ones, so boyish teasing is what comes out. 

Wondering too if it has anything to do with romantic aggression one sees in many species -- kind of like when my cat is happy with me (purring, etc.), but if I stroke his head too much, he'll slip into partly aggressive/playful mode and fake-claw/bite my hand... hard enough to feel it, but usually not enough to ever actually hurt me or break skin.


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## bellisaurius

EmpireConquered said:


> How about bullying? Do guys ever bully girls they like?


Bullying, in the sense teasing going beyond the boundaries, or bullying as in actually laying hands or teasing and not letting you walk away from the situation? It's conceivable their doing it for the reasons I was listing, and don't understand what enough is, but the motive doesn;t matter then because it would be straight up abuse.


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## dejavu

I generally relate well to guys, in many cases more so than I do with girls, but this has always been a case where I just didn't get it.

In elementary school, I remember a boy liked me and he expressed it by hitting me over the head with a pipe. Another boy had a crush on a girlfriend of mine and he cut off her pigtail. The fuck? I mean, like I said, I'm generally a pretty big tomboy, but times like those made me wonder if guys were in fact another species...

Boys seem to get better with age when it comes to expressing their attraction, but I've seen some pretty bad cases in males in their teens and early twenties. This one guy had a crush on me since we were both very little, and he expressed it by bullying. Stepping on my heels while we walked to the bus stop every day, tying me upside down off a jungle gym and then leaving, messing up my hair, pointing out my acne loudly while we were in a crowd, shit like that. He can get away with less as an adult, but he still tries bullying to get girls and he's 24. His dad does too, and he's 50. So some people just don't grow out of it. Maybe it actually works on some girls, so they don't ever see the need to change?

TL;DR, I have no idea, but it's probably just immaturity and them being confused about their feelings, and they usually grow out of it.


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## WamphyriThrall

BlissfulDreams said:


> And I think some of this childishness can carry on into adulthood. To me it's just stupid.


I don't see how. When you understand that "male culture" is generally more hierarchical, it makes sense that these behaviors would be more common between them. Bonds are formed by respect earned, and respect is earned through rites of passage and shared experiences: comradery. Sometimes the hint is obvious and both parties silently agree on the new chain of command, but other times, it takes extra "pressure" to get there, unfortunately. Females don't always see or agree to these social cues, and this can be frustrating to many men. 

Males are constantly testing one another, and its probably subconscious and second-nature to most that they don't even think about it. Part of it is biological, despite what some others think. Its one of those "silent rules" between members of the same sex, and one area I don't have to worry about when dating guys, since its just common knowledge. 

Of course, you have to make the distinction between immaturity or abuse and playful teasing. I just find it disappointing that so many females who have replied so far equate it to immaturity, bitterness, or lack of emotional awareness when it isn't always the case. To me, it shows ignorance and inability to accept that maybe others operate differently.


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## Senter

I'd imagine that their feelings about a person makes them feel uncomfortable because they don't want to feel it. And if they are not very self aware they might take out the anger on the person and try to trick themselves into believing they DON'T like the person or they may even not want the person to know about it and that could also be a reason they tease or are mean or something.


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## Death Persuades

I usually do nothing to people I might be interested in. I do nothing to people in general. If, for some reason, I end up meeting someone and I start liking her, I just try to figure out if she likes me, too. If not, I'll not saying anything and just continue being friends, If she does, then I just tell her and hope I don't sound too rude or curt. But, I'm not really looking for anybody right now, so I guess it doesn't matter, LOL.


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## JamieBond

It's because they're flabbergasted by the female race in general and they can't think straight around us and therefore go into "primal mose" where it's either attack everything in sight or hide in a cave.


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## Thomas60

JamieBond said:


> It's because they're flabbergasted by the female race in general and they can't think straight around us and therefore go into "primal mose" where it's either attack everything in sight or hide in a cave.


Wait... so women don't respond well to clubbing?


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## aef8234

Same reason girls tease other girls by saying "they're ugly".

They have no other way of saying "they look awesome", at least one not befitting their expressions, I'd certainly go with clubbing them instead of teasing them, by that logic though.


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## Zster

JamieBond said:


> ...they can't think straight around us and therefore go into "primal mose" where it's either attack everything in sight or hide in a cave.


THIS sounds as plausible as any explanation thus far, to my way of thinking. There was a cluster of boys who mercilessly picked on me, in a mean sense, when I was in highschool. When I was with them one-on-one in the classromm, they were friendly and charming. I never understood the Jeckyll and Hyde mood swings (though suspect it had to do with when their friends were around, watching them). Had they not struck out at me repeatedly, I might have enjoyed dating them.

I have since run into a few of these guys as adults and each confesses, now, that he had a wicked crush on me in highschool. WTF??? Being mean was a way of showing affection?

For the record, I am not a thin skinned person. I either receiving or delivering a good joke, prank, or roast as much as the next person. The prior poster asking about bullying hit it on the head. These guys were not remotely funny, just real low brow MEAN, WAY beyond a friendly "tease" as I think of it.


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## Playful Proxy

Jennywocky said:


> I would guess it would be something like this... and I think we are talking about guys who seem to just tease the girls but never are really at converting this to actual flirting with obvious intent and potential for a romantic relationship?


The problem is that many guys have to play this balancing act of 'flirting' and not coming across too obvious and therefore, being seen as too aggressive. Sadly, I cannot expect to walk up to a random girl, tell her I find her attractive, and ask if she wants to grab something to eat later and expect positive results. I think part of it is that we see men who successfully have a relationship do it, so we try it as well....but due to lack of experience, it does not come across quite the same. 

As for bullying, I don't know. I would go with some sort of psychological disorder.  Or maybe he does not actually like the girl at all.


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## Jennywocky

Signify said:


> The problem is that many guys have to play this balancing act of 'flirting' and not coming across too obvious and therefore, being seen as too aggressive. Sadly, I cannot expect to walk up to a random girl, tell her I find her attractive, and ask if she wants to grab something to eat later and expect positive results. I think part of it is that we see men who successfully have a relationship do it, so we try it as well....but due to lack of experience, it does not come across quite the same.


It might actually work on me; but I would have to detect the guy is sincere, and if I rejected him, it would either be because I just thought he wanted sex and not really me, or because I sense within the initial minute or two of conversation that we don't have the right connection level to make it worth the chance regardless of his direct approach. 

(Not all women are like that, though. Some would automatically be put off by such bluntness.)


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## MuChApArAdOx

Teasing a girl is a way of showing interest and affection. Just like women show this interest and affection by flirting and playing.


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## Playful Proxy

Jennywocky said:


> It might actually work on me; but I would have to detect the guy is sincere, and if I rejected him, it would either be because I just thought he wanted sex and not really me, or because I sense within the initial minute or two of conversation that we don't have the right connection level to make it worth the chance regardless of his direct approach.
> 
> (Not all women are like that, though. Some would automatically be put off by such bluntness.)


Due to my hate of all things requiring risk, and my knowledge that many women would not appreciate such an act, I would never take the risk just because of the negatives it could cause. It could be my own lack of confidence, but I have confidence in my lack of confidence!


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## Jennywocky

Signify said:


> Due to my hate of all things requiring risk, and my knowledge that many women would not appreciate such an act, I would never take the risk just because of the negatives it could cause. It could be my own lack of confidence, but I have confidence in my lack of confidence!


I do have to say one thing I don't like is when a guy initiates contact with me just because I can sense he wants to go out but then he just never really broaches the topic but just keeps "splashing around" and comes across as wishy-washy and timid and nervous about the whole thing without just going for it. At that point, he's too timid for me to want to go out... Usually how one approaches the situation is indicative of their personality and behavior; it tells me something about him.


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## Playful Proxy

Jennywocky said:


> I do have to say one thing I don't like is when a guy initiates contact with me just because I can sense he wants to go out but then he just never really broaches the topic but just keeps "splashing around" and comes across as wishy-washy and timid and nervous about the whole thing without just going for it. At that point, he's too timid for me to want to go out... Usually how one approaches the situation is indicative of their personality and behavior; it tells me something about him.


 Sounds about right. But with your kind, if we are too direct, we are shut down, if we are too indirect, we are shut down. Where is your instruction manual?


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## Longdove

I don't think it has so much to do with insecurity or general awkwardness, just the opposite. I think they tend to do it rather because they feel comfortable in being around them, and it is their indirect way of communicating with them without yet having had an established friendship, they have the need to talk to them so that's the subtle way they go about doing so.

If the girl being teased didn't have their attention or if there was no interest in them, the boys would have altogether ignored her and not say a thing to her, most likely.

It's really on par with the same teasing that's done in an already admitted friendship, except that the boys are looking for it and don't have that priviledge yet, so they take it upon themselves to break the ice, as it were.

IMO.


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## Longdove

Hahahaha by the way I just quickly want to say that I am completely oblivious to the rest of the INTPs that have participated in this thread.


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## Jennywocky

Signify said:


> Sounds about right. But with your kind, if we are too direct, we are shut down, if we are too indirect, we are shut down. Where is your instruction manual?


haha... on the inside of the large battery panel on my back.  Good luck getting access -- if you can get it open, you win!!


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## donkeybals

Some do, some don't. Depends on the person. Some use it as part of their game. Some do it because they want attention from you. Anyone ever see the show Hey Arnold? Helga, lol, I know it's reverse gender, but she just wanted his attention.


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## thor odinson

EmpireConquered said:


> I want to know people's opinion about this. Is it true or untrue, if yes, why do they do that? I like to think its because of insecurity and general awkwardness, or is it mere childishness?


Defense Mechanism

Rather than laying your heart all on the line, out there, in the open, vulnerable

you can send a signal and if the signal is not reciprocated then that will be the end of it

Showing the full extent of the emotion especially if the outcome is completely different is too much of a discrepancy that is unpleasant to deal with

Girls will do it to, so we don't really care about getting criticised for it since essentially hypocrisy eliminates the guilt/apprehension that would follow receiving valid criticism

Keep in mind, not all members of both sexes do this.


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## Bunker Man

It's not always just a sexual thing. Some people do it to anyone they like.


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## EmpireConquered

Signify said:


> Sounds about right. But with your kind, if we are too direct, we are shut down, if we are too indirect, we are shut down. Where is your instruction manual?



play between direct and indirect


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## EmpireConquered

thor odinson said:


> Defense Mechanism
> 
> Rather than laying your heart all on the line, out there, in the open, vulnerable
> 
> you can send a signal and if the signal is not reciprocated then that will be the end of it
> 
> Showing the full extent of the emotion especially if the outcome is completely different is too much of a discrepancy that is unpleasant to deal with
> 
> Girls will do it to, so we don't really care about getting criticised for it since essentially hypocrisy eliminates the guilt/apprehension that would follow receiving valid criticism
> 
> Keep in mind, not all members of both sexes do this.


Nice explanation there. How nice would it be if everyone could put their heart in the open. That way, misunderstandings won't occur. Is everyone afraid of rejection?


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## EmpireConquered

aef8234 said:


> Same reason girls tease other girls by saying "they're ugly".
> 
> They have no other way of saying "they look awesome", at least one not befitting their expressions, I'd certainly go with clubbing them instead of teasing them, by that logic though.


I think girls are too sensitive to tease other girls and call them ugly. You see, ugly is an ultimate form of rejection and humiliation for girls. So girls won't tease others by saying they're ugly unless they really dislike them.


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## themartyparade

Unless you're talking about playground kids, I think you're reading too much into it.

I'm playful with my friends and people I like. We banter, tease each other and joke around. It's my way of saying "hey I'm comfortable around you and I like you (either as a friend or other)" 'cause seriously I would puke if all there ever was to friendships and romantic interests were "I like yous" and "you're so cute". 

It's a way of having fun and also testing people's limits, see how far you can go and that usually determines how close you are with someone. If I called a random stranger a dickhead they'd get offended and think I'm stupid but if I say it to a friend, it's in a loving way and it would be no big deal.


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## Knight_In_Rags

EmpireConquered said:


> I want to know people's opinion about this. Is it true or untrue, if yes, why do they do that? I like to think its because of insecurity and general awkwardness, or is it mere childishness?


To flirt!


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## INTJellectual

Empecinado said:


> I often have white knights lecturing me on how I should treat women with respect. Why am I kissing the girl if I am doing something wrong?


 Who are those white knights? They should try hard more so they'll be effective. Apparently they're not.


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## Pizal

a BIG part of flirting is teasing. Girls were you ever attracted to a guy who didn't tease you some?


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## Empecinado

INTJellectual said:


> Who are those white knights? They should try hard more so they'll be effective. Apparently they're not.


What the hell are you on about? I think I told you about one of my flatmates being a white knight. What do you mean by being effective?


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## EmpireConquered

Pizal said:


> a BIG part of flirting is teasing. Girls were you ever attracted to a guy who didn't tease you some?


Maybe, granted he's an interesting person.


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## INTJellectual

Empecinado said:


> What the hell are you on about? I think I told you about one of my flatmates being a white knight. What do you mean by being effective?


 Nope, you never told me. They were not effective in lecturing you about how to respect women.
Ooops.


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## INTJellectual

Pizal said:


> a BIG part of flirting is teasing. Girls were you ever attracted to a guy who didn't tease you some?


 Never, because they are so annoying.


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