# Songs/passages/etc you feel really describe your inner dilemma



## Dyidia (May 28, 2010)

_There have been threads in the past about what each enneatype is like, but to my knowledge there hasn't been a thread for why our own dynamic is so difficult to work with and what that feels like. If there have, or if you have posts you've already put up that contain this sort of expression, feel free to link me._

I was talking to a friend of a friend lately about what it's really like being an 8, and it struck me how easy it was to miss just how lonely it can get, forcing yourself to be strong all the time to get by in a cold world. Intellectually, most would say, sure, any type can deal with a vast array of problems at the individual level, but how much of that really comes to mind when we put that label to an individual?

That is essentially where I am coming from with this idea. I think it can be hard to understand why what a person goes through is so difficult for them to deal with, and I think songs in particular can give a glimpse of that when taken seriously. Really any artwork, especially with interpretation of how it relates, is especially appreciated. Of course, stories are always welcome too.

I've been taking the idea of creating archetypal portraits for the types more seriously too, so I'm interested in this area on a number of levels. I'd like to think the inner experience can be made more transparent and universally understood. 

I'll be putting up things that portray my own dynamic shortly.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

I know I use this song a lot as a reference to myself, but hey, it's fitting:






_things in this world
seem so far away
once again i wonder
where i am

somewhere someone's
speaking
but i cannot hear

and once again it all
falls apart
but still i wait here trying
to find some remnant of myself

my days a dull aching
please tell me what
i'm waiting for

things in this world
have never seems so gray
once again i wonder
what i've become

somewhere something's breaking
this world's so dead
when i cannot feel
what's in my head_

Though I don't think I could separate one aspect of the song and say that it represents me. It's the way every element working in conjunction that does, from the actual music composition, lyrics and just the way the song is performed.

To add a brief description since I realized I didn't, I am not sure it is wholly necessary since the lyrics really describe the inner atmosphere for sx 5, I think and in particular, sx longing. The lyrics entirely focus on the feeling of pain, longing and frustration of what it means to live without sx connection.


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## Dyidia (May 28, 2010)

I find it difficult to place a song that really captures the spectrum of my inner life, but I'll start here with this:





(lyrics)
* *




_The art of suicide, nightgowns and hair
Curls flying every which way
The pain too pure to hide
Ridges of size
Meant to conceal lover's lies

Under the arches of moonlight and sky
Suddenly easy to contemplate why, why
Why live a life
That's painted with pity and sadness and strife
Why dream a dream
That's tainted with trouble and less than it seems
Why bother bothering
Just for a poem or another sad song to sing
Why live a lie
Why live a lie

The art of suicide, gritty and clean
Conveys a theatrical scene
Alas, 'I've gone' she cried
Ankles displayed
Melodramatically laid

Under the arches of moonlight and sky
Suddenly easy to contemplate why, why
Why live a life
That's painted with pity and sadness and strife
Why dream a dream
That's tainted with trouble and less than it seems
Why bother bothering
Just for a poem or another sad song to sing
Why live a lie
Why live a lie

Why live a life
That's painted with pity and sadness and strife
Why dream a dream
That's tainted with trouble and less than it seems
Why bother bothering
Just for a poem or another sad song to sing
Why live a lie
Why live a lie
Why live a lie
Why live a lie

Life is not like gloomy Sunday
With a second ending when the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there's a story that ought to be heard
Life is not like gloomy Sunday
With a second ending when the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there's a lesson that really ought to be learned

The world is full of poets 
We don't need anymore
The world is full of singers
We don't need anymore
The world is full of lovers
We don't need anymore_


The feel of this song is, well, it's almost lilting, and if you didn't see the title or the words, you'd almost think it's just a quirky ballad. But really that's almost exactly how I feel about these sorts of very big, life or death questions. I don't find it funny, but the feeling I have with it is ironic, if not comical.​
It's like... if you were to hear the same joke again and again, it'd get old and would lose it's luster. Yet drudgery is always drudgery, and it only becomes more of an issue, not less, as it gets piled on. It's not a matter of pain, it's a matter of tiredness. One line in particular, "Why dream a dream / That's tainted with trouble and less than it seems" gets pretty deep into the sentiment. It's like I have to question the very things people take for granted as being worthwhile.

I have often, particularly as an adult, accomplished something I thought would feel great to finish, but it's like... it's just another drudgery that I've passed through. Anhedonia I think is the best way to describe it. When nothing is rewarding, the temptation is to push everything off and deal with as little as possible. Yet the act of doing nothing is even more dulling; there's no real way to be content with the nothingness. Nothingness itself is just more drudgery. Consciously it registers as a sort of insanity, as depicted in this song.




Now granted, despite all that I'm actually quite driven and more or less accept what I have to put up with. My days are usually spent trying to create things that can lead to new, promising experiences. In light of that, my conscious, willed attitude is more like what's described in this song: 






(lyrics)

* *




_
From ocean to sky
Summer and Fall
I have been there though it all
From laughing and crying
To pain that comes easy
From shades of grey meaning
That turn out so sweetly
I wonder when I'll wonder what I'll find

I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer, I already know

Subtle and grace
Desperate for change
My hand moves away
You melt dry eyes for days
Something's not right
Smiles and tantrums
Hit the ground running
It's all over and been done
I wonder when I'll wonder what I'll find...

I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer, I already know

What happens next
We'll stop and go
The promises have already run cold
So now you know, so now you know

I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer, the answer

I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer I already know_


The song as a whole is almost cheery, bittersweet. But... there's a thick, thick layer of resignation. The whole song centers around "I don't need the answer I already know." For me "the answer" is just a placeholder for anything I could hope to find. It's like... whatever I'm missing, I know it doesn't exist. Or I don't feel like it does. Yet I move on anyway. There's a constant feeling of restlessness, of searching. "Hit the ground running / It's all over and been done. / I wonder when, I wonder what I'll find."​
Beyond that, it's a feeling that things just don't register for me. It's as if everyone were finding beauty in the sunset and I look and think "It only hurts my eyes." Eventually, everything begins to register as just another sun to look at, and new experiences are hard to take seriously. So unlike in the song, I feel it falls to me not to look for another sun, but to create one.



And this is already getting long, but I've written before how I feel like "Holy Resonance" is the best term to really get at what my fixation is on: 




Dying Acedia said:


> Resonance means that everything is evaluated in terms of how it matches my present internal state. I often find myself questioning what the point is of my actions and overall life trajectory. I even find myself questioning the most mundane activities (such as eating) with the consideration of "what does this _do_ for me?" When I break that down and dig into what I mean, what I'm really asking is "how does this resonate with my current state?" Additionally, if I find myself without any possibility of resonance I can be tempted to change my own internal state in order to recreate this quality of resonance (usually with limited success). My preferred way of handling the problem of resonance is to change the world, be it through physically creating something that resonates with me or by changing what my life is about.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

This is an excellent thread idea, as is usual with you. I am a poet, and it's easiest for me to express myself through poetry. The other thing I'll share here are two of my favourite paintings by Dali. I will try to elaborate on the connection, but much of it will have to take place a bit later.

To start, I am sharing the poem "Walking Around" by Pablo Neruda. It speaks to my past, the violence and despair that marked it in many ways. It somehow ties in with my coping mechanisms, denial and rationalization. It speaks to my relationship with vulnerability and pain. I'll share excerpts that resonate with me. 

_*
Still it would be marvelous
to terrify a law clerk with a cut lily,
or kill a nun with a blow on the ear.
It would be great
to go through the streets with a green knife
letting out yells until I died of the cold.*
_
Needlessly to say, I never have and do not desire to indiscriminately kill people lol. That's not what Neruda intended here, anyway. It's more of a simmering anger felt towards the world, going through life feeling like you were pitted against it, your heart turned to stone, wanting nothing to do with love and the kind of palpable kindness that sears you sharper than any blade possibly can.

All you want to do is consume and destroy; you end up consuming singed remnants of your own heart. There's a perverse joy in the callous insensitivity you show to people, because somehow you're convinced everyone fuckin deserves it. There's all the heat of anger, and then there's your heart cold and dead as can be. 

The following stanzas speak of how vulnerable one feels when long denied emotions are finally accessed. Because of all the violence and losses I have seen, this image is very heart-wrenchingly vivid and familiar to me.
*
I don't want to go on being a root in the dark,
stretched out, shivering with sleep,
going on down, into the moist guts of the earth,
taking in and thinking, eating every day.

I don't want so much misery.
I don't want to go on as a root and a tomb,
alone under the ground, a warehouse with corpses,
half frozen, dying of grief.
*
The emotional deadness and pain inherent in living in this manner, once it slaps you in the face, you realize that that's really not how you wish to live. Then there's the stagnation, emptiness, deprivation and entrapment in living as a "root in the dark...going into the moist depths of the earth". It seems like there may even be an element of comfort and even nourishment, as the root consumes what the earth has to offer. Some find comfort in the familiarity of going "eating in and thinking away in the warm recesses of the earth" day after day. I am familiar with that interpretation. It's interesting. 

However, to the poet_, as is evident from the context, and to me, _this is intolerable especially in light of the "shivering with sleep" part and the subsequent stanza. The absence of change, options and possibilities is unfathomable. _This is a reference to the first stanza of the two above. 

_The second one is what vividly reminds me of my own experiences, what I seek to deny and avoid._

*That's why Monday, when it sees me coming
with my convict face, blazes up like gasoline,
and it howls on its way like a wounded wheel,
and leaves tracks full of warm blood leading toward the
night.*
_
This is among my favourite lines in Literature. This ties in with the kind of defenses I erected, the kind of brutality I displayed in the process of subconsciously hardening myself against life. It's also reminiscent of the kind of furious vengeance I felt, in general.*

I stroll along serenely, with my eyes, my shoes,
my rage, forgetting everything,
I walk by, going through office buildings and orthopedic
shops,
and courtyards with washing hanging from the line:
underwear, towels and shirts from which slow
dirty tears are falling.*

It speaks of eventually desensitizing yourself to the destruction around you. The rage exists besides the forgetting, as everything else is burning to the ground; dirty tears fall._


The following paintings also resonate with me. I'll come to them later.

_


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

"I don’t know how to even begin describing it; this_ total_ ache. It expands and expands, it scarcely stops to grow bigger: it comes together with these emotions of humiliation and profound shame. Am I not psychotic enough to create this dark region of mystification and emotional complexity so that you may feel like _taming_ something unnaturally enchanting and wild? Do I lack this ability of intriguing you enough? To actually challenge you enough in order for you to start questioning my mental health? I am a person who is done. This is at least how I am feeling right now. None matters; this lovely poetry is nothing but unreachable intensity of feeling. This Chopin piece is disturbingly beautiful; it doesn’t reflect anything real though. It’s made of stars; it lacks proper earthy origins. And I am so plain - apparently. So boring. And you are full of divine insecurities which make you even more divine and me.. uninspiring, ordinary, hurt."

________________________________


"Why am I obsessed with a few persons only? Why are my devotions so concentrated on a few people? I do not spread out as most people do. I do not really confide in many people, then they do not know me, and then I quickly surmise they do not understand and love me. On the few people I feel connected with, I pour a lavish devotion. And yet it seems to me that this must cease. The more broadly and expansively I love, without exclusiveness, the more I reach the mystic whole, the larger sense of love, the less individualistic, the more universal love." - *Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol.2: 1934-1939*


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

With regards to 5 only, there's also Lost to Apathy I think really reflects the inner fear of type 5 quite well:







* *




The unsaid tone of weak despair
Fail to resonate
Frayed ends of our binding threads
Will disintegrate
By the laws our phiysique state
Failure to communicate
None too sentient
Hear no, see no works its magic
Against all function
Ongoing choices the trials will end
Filter the nonsense and laugh at what's left
Indecision/nonvision what matters taken away

Look at the shell that is you
Empty, fragile, weak
Soon the battle is over
Lost to apathy

So overcome with pointless tears
To test pain receptors
Nothing matters ever here
Put up a nonreaction
These eyes will never see
Covered up from reality

Look at the shell that is you
Empty, fragile, weak
Soon the battle is over
Lost to apathy

The unknown world that you deny
No priority
Cannot fail if you never start
How predictable
I want to know where did it end
For madness to start
Always the sceptic never the part
Introvertive/nondescriptive
It matters not, not

Look at the shell that is you
Empty, fragile, weak

Look at the shell that is you
Empty, fragile, weak
Soon the battle is over
Lost to apathy

The shell that is you
Empty, fragile, weak
Now the battle is over
Lost to apathy




Honestly not much to add here. It really describes the fear of engulfment well and what happens when 5 disintegrates to 7.

This is almost an even better example of the fear of engulfment:






* *




No truth, no lie
No truth, no lie
No truth, no lie

It twists and turns
Into something that is not to be
What truth is left
Was abandoned as the lines flew by

Our words are broken
Commit to sacrifice
Betrayal of the code
Thrust into nothingness
No truth, no lie

Our words are broken

Our subconscious bias
Confirmed what we already believe
There is no message
There is no value
We give shelter to our false ideas

Commit to sacrifice
Betrayal of the code
Thrust into nothingness

Tear our thoughts into splinters
Stab the sense
That's forced to remember
Our words get thrown
Out of focus
As we test our will
Dissolve to nothing

Break all bounds of unfair holding
Track this line to journey's end
We're breaking
We're breaking down

Our words are broken
Commit to sacrifice
Betrayal of the code
Thrust into nothingness
No truth, no lie

...our sacrifice
...betray the code
...into nothingness




Most of Dark Tranquillity's songs are quite apt at describing the mentality of type 5 in general, in my opinion, 5w4 more so than 5w6. Scar Symmetry is a band I would single out as being more 5w6-focused with their earlier album content. 










* *




The drug is in, invades within
The third eye is opening
Dimethyltryptamine and harmine
Natural secretions of the mind

Ingestion, convulsion
Enlightenment, bliss

Awake I dream this joyous scene
Immersed in the sacred plant
It speaks the word I haven't heard
Since before my birth

Everything comes alive
I hear the voice of the stars
You must detach from the outcome
I hear the voice of the earth

I reflect, just imitate
The one inside the mirror
A gentle touch, then a rush
When I step inside the glass

Colliding, dissolving
Remembering, bliss

Everything comes alive
I hear the voice of the stars
You must detach from the outcome
I hear a voice everywhere

[Solo]

Colliding, dissolving
Enlightenment, bliss

I hear the voice of the sun
I hear the voice of the stars
I hear the voice of the earth
I hear a voice everywhere


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long." 
- Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 

---

So build that wall and 
Build it strong, 'cause 
We'll be there before too long
- "Build That Wall (Zia's Theme)" from Bastion

---






Lyrics:

* *





You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you, I've been looking for a purpose
Well, I met this kid who thought like I did
He had a weird way of looking at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
'Cause you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
'Cause you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

Now, I don't remember where I met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was just too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen, it's like poker, you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I don't need to tell you that life isn't fair, it doesn't care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you I want someone to say it's OKAY
In the truest parts of our hearts, everybody's afraid
We're just under-appreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand what I'm saying, 'cause you always did
But it's different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
'Cause you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
'Cause you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me
That's why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around, I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
That's why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

This song:


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## HellCat (Jan 17, 2013)

Mona lisa, mona lisa, men have named you 
You're so like the lady with the mystic smile 
Is it only 'cause you're lonely they have blamed you? 
For that mona lisa strangeness in your smile? 

Do you smile to tempt a lover, mona lisa? 
Or is this your way to hide a broken heart? 
Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep 
They just lie there and they die there 
Are you warm, are you real, mona lisa? 
Or just a cold and lonely lovely work of art?


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## Manifestation (Jul 4, 2013)

"you got a heart as loud as lions so why let your voice be tamed?"


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## IonOfAeons (Dec 2, 2010)

I just want to say, I love this thread. It's so refreshing, so much that's internal and that feels out of reach to describe is being given in such beautiful language.

For my own part, I've always felt that this song captures what almost everyone will feel at some point in their life and probably more than once:






And for me, the lyrics in bold stand out even more than everything else:

_I know its hard to tell
How mixed up you feel
*Hoping what you need
Is behind every door*
Each time you get hurt
I don't want you to change
Cuz everyone has hopes
You're human after all

*The feeling sometimes
Wishing you were someone else
Feeling as though
You never belong
This feeling is not sadness
This feeling is not joy*
I truly understand
Please don't cry now

Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please
Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate
For all the hurt that you feel
*The world is just illusion
Trying to change you*

Being like you are
Well this is something else
Who would comprehend
But some that do lay claim
Divine purpose blesses them
Thats not what I believe
And it doesn't matter anyway

*A part of your soul
Ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last
But I'm still not sure
But what I do know
Is to us the world is different
As we are to the world
I guess you would know that*

Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please
Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate
For all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion
Trying to change you

Please don't go 
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please
Oh please don't leave here
I don't want you to change
For all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion
Always trying to change you _

Amazing how well he captures what loneliness, separation, empty existence and our coping mechanism of creating imaginary meaning, feels like.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

I've always wanted to post in this thread. 






Eyes like a car crash
I know I shouldn't look but I can't turn away.
Body like a whiplash,
Salt my wounds but I can't heal the way
I feel about you.

_*I watch you like a hawk
I watch you like I'm gonna tear you limb from limb
Will the hunger ever stop?
Can we simply starve this sin?*_

That little kiss you stole
It held my heart and soul
And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate
Don't try to fight the storm
You'll tumble overboard
Tides will bring me back to you

And on my deathbed, all I'll see is you
The life may leave my lungs
But my heart will stay with you

That little kiss you stole
It held my heart and soul
And like a ghost in the silence I disappear
Don't try to fight the storm
You'll tumble overboard
Tides will bring me back to you

The waves will pull us under
Tides will bring me back to you
The waves will pull us under
Tides will bring me back to you
The waves will pull us under
Tides will bring me back to you
Tides will bring me back to you

That little kiss you stole
It held my heart and soul
And like a ghost in the silence I disappear
Don't try to fight the storm
You'll tumble overboard
Tides will bring me back to you

*That little kiss you stole
It held my heart and soul
And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate*
_*Don't try to fight the storm
You'll tumble overboard
*__*Tides will bring me back to you*_







Come into my life
Regress into a dream
We will hide
Build a new reality
Draw another picture
Of the life you could have had
Follow your instincts
And choose the other path

You should never be afraid
You're protected from trouble and pain
Why, why is this a crisis in your eyes again

_*Come to be
How did it come to be
Tied to a railroad
No love to set us free
Watch our souls fade away
Let our bodies crumble away
Don't be afraid*_

I will take the blow for you

And I've had recurring nightmares
That I was loved for who I am
And missed the opportunity
To be a better man


"We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves. I wish for all this to be marked on by body when I am dead. I believe in such cartography - to be marked by nature, not just to label ourselves on a map like the names of rich men and women on buildings. We are communal histories, communal books. We are not owned or monogamous in our taste or experience."

-*Michael Ondaatje*, _The English Patient_


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

"It’s a very Greek idea, and a very profound one. Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an instant, to shatter the accident of our mortal selves? Euripides speaks of the Maenads: head thrown I back, throat to the stars, “more like deer than human being.” To be absolutely free! One is quite capable, of course, of working out these destructive passions in more vulgar and less efficient ways. But how glorious to release them in a single burst! To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! These are powerful mysteries. The bellowing of bulls. Springs of honey bubbling from the ground. If we are strong enough in our souls, we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn.”


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## J Squirrel (Jun 2, 2012)

* *









* *




I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man..
You can't take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
Yeah, the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.








* *









* *




I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of folks

So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)

Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah yeah

Who are the stars?
Who are the stars that lie?








* *









* *




I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash as time began to blur
Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the Floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide

There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the Floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide

In every loss
In every lie
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret and each goodbye
Was a mistake too great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the Floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide

Across this new divide
Across this new divide








* *













* *









* *




When this began, I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I'd let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)

When all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to loose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)

What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to loose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
I wanna heal
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong


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## Zapp (Jan 31, 2014)

* *




Weep for yourself, my man,
you'll never be what is in your heart.
Weep little lion man,
you're not as brave as you were at the start.
Rate yourself and rape yourself,
take all the courage you have left.
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

Tremble for yourself, my man,
you know that you have seen this all before.
Tremble little lion man,
you'll never settle any of your score.
Your grace is wasted in your face,
your boldness stands alone among the wreck.
Learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck.

But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

Didn't I my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

Didn't I my dear?



I feel this song expresses my recent troubles rather well.


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## Dyidia (May 28, 2010)

Sometimes I wish I could rethank old posts.

Thanks all who have contributed. I really appreciate it.


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## HellCat (Jan 17, 2013)




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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)




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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Dying Acedia said:


> Sometimes I wish I could rethank old posts.
> 
> Thanks all who have contributed. I really appreciate it.


You could unthank posts and then thank them again? :tongue:

Although most people would probably find that more annoying than not.

Hmm, something that describes me. I would say this song is the closest I get:





More so the beginning than the end of the song, though. 

_There are so many things I cannot grasp
When I think I've got it, and then at last
Through my bony fingers it does slip
Like a snowflake in a fiery grip_
_
_

Also, this song kind of resonates:





Although I don't have actual drinking issues, the chorus often starts playing in my head when I feel stressed out.

_Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over
_
I do kind of have an addictive personality, and can be pretty unreliable (even though I want other people to be reliable. Boo, I'm a hypocrite), so it sorta fits overall.

Then I wanted to steal The Answer, which you posted earlier, lol. I guess mostly because of how frustrated and unsatisfied she sounds. =P


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## Daeva (Apr 18, 2011)

<<<<

*Tantalus*, in Greek mythology, king of Sipylos, son of Zeus and father of Pelops and Niobe. He was admitted to the society of the gods, but his abominable behavior aroused their anger, and Zeus condemned him to suffer eternally at Tartarus. As punishment he was condemned to hang from the bough of a fruit tree over a pool of water. When he bent to drink, the water would recede; when he reached for a fruit, the wind would blow it from his reach.

>>>>


I feel this way and I wanna* cut the fucking tree down!*... _*simmering*​_


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