# Marriage proposal - HELP!



## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I met this guy online last week. (Not on PC) And last night he sincerely proposed marriage. He said I am different than any woman he has ever met and he knows I am the one for him in every way. I know there are a lot of online dating scams and was wondering if he would be on of them. I told him that I need to know more about him before I could promise to marry him. He seemed fine with that but he claims he is sure I am the one. I have had a marriage proposals before but none this fast. Has anyone on here had successful marriages after getting married that fast? It seems like it would be a setup for failure to get married without really knowing each other.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

One week is almost nothing you know? There's no reason to rush these things, and wanting to jump into a legally binding contract after communicating for a week and not even meeting yet should probably be a red flag. It's just so typical of manipulative types to rush things, they know they can only hold their shit together for so long. That's not necessarily the case, but I'd proceed with caution. Let him show you with action and over time that he really loves and cares for you. It's the only way to know for sure.


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

He sounds like he has issues....whoa


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## Kastor (Aug 28, 2009)

i dont nean to sound judgemental, bur im shocked that youd seriously be considering going through with it D:
What makes you want to jump into something like that without even really knowing this guy? He sounds pretty fucking shady (and I mean this all out of concern for you).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I was thinking the same thing too. I am seeing red flags all over the place. And the fact that he don’t talk enough about himself for my even type his personality makes me scared of the whole situation.


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## Psilo (Apr 29, 2009)

If you both are meant for each other so that you would enter into a lifelong commitment, what harm is there in waiting to sign and getting to know each other first?

There's no rush, and I call red flags as well.


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## Kastor (Aug 28, 2009)

Hurting said:


> I was thinking the same thing too. I am seeing red flags all over the place. And the fact that he don’t talk enough about himself for my even type his personality makes me scared of the whole situation.


Yeah, I STRONGLY suggest that you stay weary of this guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knght990 (Jul 28, 2009)

I would think meeting in person and getting to know someone IRL would be an integral part of the pre-proposal plan or acceptance of a proposal plan.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Yes, he is wanting to meet me. The thought of marriage scares me anyway. But this soon to ask for marriage seems way to soon. And he has no doubts about me being the one. That just don't seem very sound minded to me. I am glad I am not the only one that would have lots of red flags about the issue.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Kastor said:


> i dont nean to sound judgemental, bur im shocked that youd seriously be considering going through with it D:


Um yeah. 

I wouldn't even need to ask, I would just start laughing.

(I went through this the other week, the guy doesn't even know my middle name, we've only met online, and he was trying to send me engagement rings in the mail!)

It made me really take a good hard look at him, because I had to wonder what his underlying deal was or if he had issues. (In the end, I decided he was harmless, and I liked him as a friend, he's a nice guy; but really, I would never want to get involved with someone that impulsive.)



Hurting said:


> I was thinking the same thing too. I am seeing red flags all over the place. And the fact that he don’t talk enough about himself for my even type his personality makes me scared of the whole situation.


Sweetheart *hug* all your intuitions are right. 

Anyone who would ask this after a week is not someone you would seriously want to make such a commitment to. maybe in some other cultures, where they have arranged marriages and sometimes only meet a few times before agreeing (and the marriage is a business arrangement rather than love commitment), it's a different story... but if you live in the US? 

No, it's not a great sign; I would really try to figure out more about him before sharing a lot of personal info with him. There's a lot more to a person than their internet persona too. He might just be relationally inept; he might actually be trying to get something from you; but either way, it's not good for that sort of commitment.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I so agree. There is something different about him. I need to know a lot more about him before I would agree to even meet him much less agree to marry him. I told him that at this point I could not agree to marry him. He seemed ok with that. He seems to just agree with everything I say too. I find that a bit strange. I am paranoid about that kind of thing anyway. I guess I just wanted conformation that my paranoia was not just me. It seems like everyone else would have major red flags too and not just me.


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## Kastor (Aug 28, 2009)

I've heard of SO many cases where women get lured in by sweet-talkin' guys on the Internet, and the guy will totally act like he's putting them on a friggin' pedistal.

Here's the scenario that I can easily imagine:
The woman meets him offline, he seems like the same person, evrything she ever dreamed of. So she moves in with him and everything seems wonderful at first, but gradually things start to get peculiar. Prince Charming ends up being a HUGE control freak with a nasty temper. Basically he makes it so that she has NO social life or anyone else to turn to. If the woman questions him or goes against what he wants, she'll end up paying for it, and in some of the worst ways. And, well, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

In a way I'm sort of speaking from my mother's experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

That is scary to even think of that happening to me. I would rather be homeless than to live with someone like that. Is that what happened to your mother?


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## Evolution (Nov 1, 2009)

Way way way way too fast. Coming from me, that's saying something lol. (I get attached really fast trust me, Azrael can attest to this)


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

He has a very gentle voice. I don't hear any aggression in his voice in the least. But what scares me is how fast he wants this thing to progress. I hope he is for real because if what he is presenting to me is exactly what I want in a relationship. But that is what scammers want is to progress through these things very fast.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Hurting said:


> I so agree. There is something different about him. I need to know a lot more about him before I would agree to even meet him much less agree to marry him. I told him that at this point I could not agree to marry him. He seemed ok with that. He seems to just agree with everything I say too. I find that a bit strange. I am paranoid about that kind of thing anyway. I guess I just wanted conformation that my paranoia was not just me. It seems like everyone else would have major red flags too and not just me.


It sounds more like he is just telling you he likes you enough to marry you OR that he's looking for some sort of emotional affirmation and since you're not responding he'll get it elsewhere. After all, he only has to get lucky once in order to get some woman to show up to meet him and have a gf.

I think even if the guy is nice and gentle, he's just pretty inexperienced to be saying these sorts of things... he just doesn't know what a big deal he's asking and is just playing around with the ideas to explore them and feel good.

Kastor, sorry about what your mom went through.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

ignore him, what else can you do


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## Sunless (Jul 30, 2009)

ruuuuuuunnnnnnn!


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

*Don't marry someone you met on the internet after one week.*


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Hurting, at best this person has emotional issues that are causing them jump in too soon and at worst they are a dangerous manipulator. Please be very careful with yourself. 

This has happened to me several times. The last time was only a few months ago. They ended up stalking me for about a month online and via phone. Of course, I never give out any other information for quite a while so I was physically safe. After only talking to them for about 2 weeks they proclaimed their love for me and proposed. I told them that things were going way too fast and that I thought we should not talk for a week or two and give ourselves some time to think. In reality of course I knew I needed to get the hell away from him and was just trying to push him away gently. He agreed, but then that night texted me over and over and over and called my phone repeatedly. I was on another date at the time and had to turn my phone off...it's was making a horrible impression. After the date I sent him one text that said, "Please do not contact me again." This caused a flurry of attempts to contact me. I had to block him from my phone, my messenger, etc. It was a real pain. Then he kept texting me from a computer because I couldn't block that. It was awful. He just kept begging me to talk to him. It took over a month for him to stop. Sometimes he texted me so much my phone battery died. 

So please just be careful and keep yourself safe. The behavior he is displaying is not healhty, in my opinion.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Oh no, I am not going to marry him after knowing him only one week. You guys make me feel so special for helping me with this problem. It seems like I am not the only one that had a big red flag over this guy. He is telling me things that every woman wants to hear and that is a big flag too.


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

*RED FLAGS! RED FLAGS* FLYING ALL *OVER* THE PLACE! SO MANY RED FLAGS THE SKY LOOKS LIKE IT'S BLEEDING! One of the earliest signs of an abusive or controlling personailty is a declaration of love before there is any evidence or time spent getting to know each other. For marriage you should have time to get to know each other first through trials, relationships with family and friends, dissagreements, projects, courting. Please take the time to get to know yourself and to grow before even considering anyone you don't know.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I agree that his behavior is not healthy. He has only my phone number so I don't think he can find me. This is just awful to have someone not leave you alone after you tell them to stop calling. I hope this guy is not that bad.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I see this all over the place.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I didn't read through the other posts, but it sounds like he's either an obsessed idealist (possibly INFP), an insane person with bonding issues, or someone scary who will later reveal his true colors. The first two possibilities aren't completely horrible, but you probably shouldn't risk it, just in case it's the other. Marriage is a very serious thing, and he barely knows you. He is either in love with an idealized false image of you, is desperate to cling to the first random person who seems interested, or wants to trap you into a commitment for more sinister purposes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Yes, and that is what scares the life out of me. I have marriage issues anyway. Much less marrying someone that comes on so strong and so fast. If I knew he was an INFP or INFJ I would be less cautious but who knows what personality this guy has. I don't know enough about him. He says he is picky with woman. I ask him why he would choose me and he says I look like Crystal Gayle the country singer. I don't think that is enough to want to marry me. Something is strange about the whole thing.


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## Evolution (Nov 1, 2009)

Hurting said:


> Yes, and that is what scares the life out of me. I have marriage issues anyway. Much less marrying someone that comes on so strong and so fast. If I knew he was an INFP or INFJ I would be less cautious but who knows what personality this guy has. I don't know enough about him. He says he is picky with woman. I ask him why he would choose me and he says I look like Crystal Gayle the country singer. I don't think that is enough to want to marry me. Something is strange about the whole thing.


So he thinks your his soul mate, but gives the reason of "Your looks" for why he likes you?


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Yes, mostly my long hair. Then after we talked he said he liked my personality. But he don't know enough about my personality yet. I think it would be rare for someone to just know another person was the right marriage person when they first meet.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Hurting said:


> Yes, mostly my long hair. Then after we talked he said he liked my personality. But he don't know enough about my personality yet. I think it would be rare for someone to just know another person was the right marriage person when they first meet.


Knowing that much, I would just blow him off and never talk to him again. 
It's pretty clear he has No Clue about you as a person, at best he's just infatuated with your looks, and you have no idea how "safe" he is. 
There are lots of other guys out there who will take you more seriously as a person, don't feel bad just dropping this one like a hot potato.

You might feel bad about doing this, but I can guarantee you're not the first. he'll do it with the very next girl he finds attractive. he's just looking for someone who connects with him and responds the way he wants, and he'll go along until he finds out, don't worry about him.

Also... giving out phone numbers. I only do this after I know someone decently and know their intentions, that sort of information is very personal than even e-mails. If it's a cell, he can probably only pinpoint you to area code, but if it's a landline he might be able to find out much more. I would really recommend not doing the phone-call thing right away until you have properly checked the guy out and know him decently. Most decent guys also realize this and will give you their info first if they want you to call them and let you check them out, then let you contact them.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

That is good advice.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Jennywocky said:


> Knowing that much, I would just blow him off and never talk to him again.
> It's pretty clear he has No Clue about you as a person, at best he's just infatuated with your looks, and you have no idea how "safe" he is.
> There are lots of other guys out there who will take you more seriously as a person, don't feel bad just dropping this one like a hot potato.
> 
> ...



I agree - drop him. 

Some guy I just met asked me for my facebook profile...give me a break. He was cool though when I told him I don't give that out until I know someone very well. Safety first.


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## billydamndean (Oct 26, 2009)

either he is deeply in love or he hasnt had much.
so i tell u if ur not feelin him like hes feelin u ABORT.
holla at me boo


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## Three Diamonds (Nov 12, 2008)

I hope you are not still seeing this guy. He sounds creepy. RUN!!!!!!!!!!


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## my melody (Nov 3, 2009)

Gahhh!! If I were you I'd just get him out of your life!! There's something very wrong with him. I wouldn't trust him even a little bit.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I say charge your laser. This could get ugly.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

"I'm-a firin' ma laser!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)




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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)




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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I know he scares me. I would not marry him. I suspect something mental is going on with him. I have not heard from in two days. Hopefully he is gone for good.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Hurting said:


> I know he scares me. I would not marry him. I suspect something mental is going on with him. I have not heard from in two days. Hopefully he is gone for good.


Cross your fingers and knock on wood.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Get a gun ready.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I don't think he is that bad. I do have phone stalker that I would love to use a gun on though.


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## The Red Ranger (Oct 26, 2009)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> Get a gun ready.


Maybe not a gun, but if you do decide to meet up with this guy, be EXTREMELY careful! My advice to you would be to get away from him completely right now, including over the internet. But if you choose otherwise, at least make him earn your trust. His actions thus far are not at all... normal. Be cautious.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Serial Marriers*



Kastor said:


> Yeah, I STRONGLY suggest that you stay weary of this guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I concur with this one. It is difficult enough if you know somebody well!


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I know people can be bad. I can so many people are concerned about me. Thanks everyone. I will be careful.


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## INFpharmacist (Aug 7, 2009)

Perseus said:


> Serial Marriers


True. I didn't even think of that! Yikes!


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

_Serial Marriers! YEAKS! That is one scary thought.
_


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Next thing: is he too eager? Does he push you to marry him having dated you only twice? 

The Tocsins of Abuse - How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I got rid of him. He scared me. I am not one to pushed into anything.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Perseus said:


> Next thing: is he too eager? Does he push you to marry him having dated you only twice?
> 
> The Tocsins of Abuse - How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date


That is one good article! I see this behavior from every man I have ever dated. I guess that is way I have never married. Are you any good men left in this world?


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## Schwarz (Nov 10, 2008)

Hurting said:


> That is one good article! I see this behavior from every man I have ever dated. I guess that is way I have never married. Are you any good men left in this world?


Yay I don't do any of that! Go me! I am apparently not an abuser.
Wait, I knew that already.
Ah well.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Schwarz said:


> Yay I don't do any of that! Go me! I am apparently not an abuser.
> Wait, I knew that already.
> Ah well.


All right a good man! You are one rare man, becuse I have never met good one in person.


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## Schwarz (Nov 10, 2008)

Hurting said:


> All right a good man! You are one rare man, becuse I have never met good one in person.


Flannery O'Connor was right!


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Hurting, I have only skimmed through these posts because I was looking to see if someone said something mean because then I'd have to kick them up the backside  so forgive me if this has been mentioned before.
Your intuition is there for a reason. Whilst it's nice to be loved and wanted you have to make sure it's by the right person 
And more importantly you haven't told him any personal details have you? Like address etc?


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> Hurting, I have only skimmed through these posts because I was looking to see if someone said something mean because then I'd have to kick them up the backside  so forgive me if this has been mentioned before.
> Your intuition is there for a reason. Whilst it's nice to be loved and wanted you have to make sure it's by the right person
> And more importantly you haven't told him any personal details have you? Like address etc?


Oh no, I would not do that. He just come of way to strong for me. I cut him off right after I first made this post. He scared the life out of me. A man that is that eager to get married has to have something major going on or either he is just stupid. He said he feel in love with my hair which I thought was stupid too. Anyway if all he is in love with is my long hair then he could go buy a long haired wig and love that.

I want to be loved for my whole self and not just my long hair.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Hurting said:


> Oh no, I would not do that. He just come of way to strong for me. I cut him off right after I first made this post. He scared the life out of me. A man that is that eager to get married has to have something major going on or either he is just stupid. He said he feel in love with my hair which I thought was stupid too. Anyway if all he is in love with is my long hair then he could go buy a long haired wig and love that.
> 
> I want to be loved for my whole self and not just my long hair.


Well I'm glad you have the right attitude.
IMO it's better to meet somebody IRL. It can work online but people are never what they seem, and all you can see are words and a picture or two...and you can't know for certain whether this person is being sincere and is who they say they are.
You have the right attitude, but I must still ask you to be careful.


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

Hurting said:


> Oh no, I would not do that. He just come of way to strong for me. I cut him off right after I first made this post. He scared the life out of me. A man that is that eager to get married has to have something major going on or either he is just stupid. He said he feel in love with my hair which I thought was stupid too. Anyway if all he is in love with is my long hair then he could go buy a long haired wig and love that.
> 
> I want to be loved for my whole self and not just my long hair.



*I'm glad you decided to cut him off. I know what these men are like from experience. I was dating a guy (this past summer) for two weeks before he decided to ask me to marry him. I told him no, but he kept asking and asking. I should have broken up with him long before, but he was good for other things, and that's about it. :blushed: I later found out that he was engaged before, and he also cheats on the women he's with.

Anyways, you did the right thing. The guy sounds like a creep, and probably not very sincere, from what little bit I've read here.*


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Men can be such dirty rats sometimes. And in real life I have scared all the men away from me. :laughing: 
I have an attraction to only one man in real life and he is an INFJ. But he has a girl friend so I backed away. The other men know I want no part of them even to talk to much less to date. I shutter to think about dating these other men I know.

On line dating I think is the worse because one cannot see the other person. But I do date online sometimes just because I want a small amount of romance without being pressured to have sex. To me if a man starts pressuring for sex he is history in a lighting flash. So now I have few to choose from in real life because I struck them all down with lighting. roud:


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## Phoenix (Sep 4, 2009)

Run away quickly and don't look back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

And let out a big scream as I go.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

The stalker guy I told you about texted me again this weekend. So apparently he hasn't completely given up like I had thought. :dry:


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

OH no. How are you going to get rid of him?


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Meh. I'll just keep ignoring him. He's not calling over and over running my battery down anymore. Apparently, he doesn't realise how stubborn I am.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Singularity said:


> The stalker guy I told you about texted me again this weekend. So apparently he hasn't completely given up like I had thought. :dry:


You notified the police about this?
And whaat about changing the SIM card in your phone so he no longer has your number?


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## knght990 (Jul 28, 2009)

misdirection?


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I have had a phone stalker too since Halloween. I just hang up on him. He seems to be slowing down a bit. But who knows with crazy people like that.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> You notified the police about this?
> And whaat about changing the SIM card in your phone so he no longer has your number?


Thanks, but I don't have any concern of him finding me irl.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Singularity said:


> Thanks, but I don't have any concern of him finding me irl.


Well I'd keep it in mind just in case. These people can be very dangerous.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Thanks. I will. :wink:


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## djf863000 (Nov 7, 2009)

IF you want to meet him, set it up at a public place and bring a friend or 2.

If he wants to marry you, he should have no problem to wait a bit, right?

I had this happen to me or sort of. A girl I knew from online, wanted to marry me and ask me to take her way from her awful life. At the end we never meant and the relationship only lasted 3 months. Since then I heard the been bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend.


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## The Red Ranger (Oct 26, 2009)

djf863000 said:


> IF you want to meet him, set it up at a public place and bring a friend or 2.
> 
> If he wants to marry you, he should have no problem to wait a bit, right?
> 
> I had this happen to me or sort of. A girl I knew from online, wanted to marry me and ask me to take her way from her awful life. At the end we never meant and the relationship only lasted 3 months. Since then I heard the been bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend.


That's why they use the internet: to get a partner, FAST. Why take the unnecessary time to develop a relationship with someone in person? That's slow and outdated.:tongue:


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I kicked him out of my life. I neither need nor want a man that fast. Even though I have heard of people getting married very fast and they knew it was right. In this case I don't know so I am not even going to date him.


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## The Red Ranger (Oct 26, 2009)

Hurting said:


> I kicked him out of my life. I neither need nor want a man that fast. Even though I have heard of people getting married very fast and they knew it was right. In this case I don't know so I am not even going to date him.


That's very wise. Those rare stories of people getting married within a short time are never planned out, they just happen on their own. (I know of a couple who dated for two weeks before engagement!  They've been happily together for years now. But they are what you'd call an exception to the rule). The only likely reason for that man to propose over the internet, never having met you in person, is desperation. Not that marrying you specifically is desperateroud:, but even users of online dating sites meet up before any real relationship. It's impossible to completely get to know someone via internet.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

The Red Ranger said:


> That's very wise. Those rare stories of people getting married within a short time are never planned out, they just happen on their own. (I know of a couple who dated for two weeks before engagement! They've been happily together for years now. But they are what you'd call an exception to the rule). The only likely reason for that man to propose over the internet, never having met you in person, is desperation. Not that marrying you specifically is desperateroud:, but even users of online dating sites meet up before any real relationship. It's impossible to completely get to know someone via internet.


 
I agree completely. I have dated online but I would not marry any of them unless I knew them for years. And relationships usually don't last that long with me anyway. It is easy to present oneself as different even in person. Over the internet where one cannot see how one reacts they could be a totally different person. Dating period is scary enough. I have seem my sisters and aunts beaten near to death by these men. I would NEVER put up with that kind of man.


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## djf863000 (Nov 7, 2009)

I met my wife online, but we took the time to know each other before we got married. In one year we met 7 times, because of the long distance and the price of flying. Than I decided to move closer, so we can see each other more often and even then we wed about 9 months after I moved closer. So we knew each almost 2 yrs before we wed.

The point is take your time, if you meet someone else. It is something I didn't quite understand years ago, but I do know.


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