# Social Anxiety?



## nikkiannpet (Mar 22, 2011)

I've grown up being quite the worry-wart. As a child I had an active imagination . Therefore, would assume whenever Mom was out on errands she'd end up tragically dead. My grandma, uncle, and pretty much everyone around me got sick of my constant worrying.
It hasn't really stopped. Actually it's peaked but more specifically towards my social surroundings. This has been a prevalent problem for me in school--especially so after I had been bullied for the first time in the 6th grade. I am now a 10th grader and find myself suffering from panic attacks in school. I'm pretty outgoing but when it looks like a group of girls are staring at me--gosh I just can't help but wonder if it's negative. And what I hate the most about this is that I feel like the most shallow piece of crap in the world. I should be concerned about school and my friends, but I worry. And at times I feel so alienated around the cliques I'm with. The jocks are too noisy, the girls are too catty, everywhere I go I feel like I can blend it because of my versatility but also can't find the right footing. Because I can change shapes, I don't know what my exact social standing is. Due to this, I worry. I worry that the person I'm with is on the wrong social standing, because of me maybe? Am I on the wrong standing because of him? Because of my friends? Reading what I'm typing only leaves me in all the more shame. :\ I honestly can't express this enough to my friends...they don't necessarily understand. Most may say it's the "teenage apprehensive stage," but does it sound like it could be something more? >.< I'd hate to be diagnosed. Thanks!!


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

You just use your mind to obsess a bit. 

It's okay to do that. Plenty of us do at one time or another. 

I used to do that, until I decided to change it. I just changed my habitual thought patterns. At first it took a lot of effort but then it was automatic to go to the neutral or positive thought instead of the dread.

What you describe doesn't sound like Social Anxiety to me, but of course if you're truly concerned then I encourage you to consult with a licensed professional in your area.

You sound like you're perfectly okay, and just think a lot about things. It's up to you whether you want to stick with the thoughts that don't feel good, or take action to change them. Action is as simple as noticing when you're thinking a thought that doesn't feel good, and then making yourself think something neutral or positive about that same topic. 

Like oh I don't know if this is the right social standing for me.
Hmm that thought didn't feel good, how about that.
Maybe where I'm at is exactly where I need to be and there is no right or wrong standing so I can just focus on whether I enjoy this person's company.

Sorta like that.


----------



## nikkiannpet (Mar 22, 2011)

Thanks for your help, I honestly dont realize where all this anxiety comes from and wonder if it will diminish or increase with age :\
And popularity has gotten so important to me  I dont like that.


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

I can't answer that.

I know obsessive thought feeds more obsessive thought. It's like the mind gets stuck on that loop.

You can change it if you want to.... 

The mere fact that you referenced socializing with people tells me you (probably) don't have "social anxiety." That term is thrown around a lot, and most of the time the issue isn't so bad to warrant the label. 

I'd say the key is just to relax with yourself, realize it's okay if you don't have all the answers yet, and if you don't find these thought patterns comfortable then you do have the power to change them.


----------



## nikkiannpet (Mar 22, 2011)

It's contradicting, I know. Maybe it is just a teenage stage--wanting to be accepted but your own person, caring about what others think of you/popularity. I used to always crave the spotlight but it seems my insecurities are just eclipsing that... I'd still like to be appreciated :| But now I find myself avoiding situations where I am thrust into a negative light--even if it's just a chance I would be. So would that count as social anxiety if I worry I'll make a social blunder? All in all, I love socializing but I also feel like it's my worst enemy.:crazy:


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

No, I don't think that would count as social anxiety.

It's more like fear of losing your status. Or fear of humiliation. Which socially confident or competent people can experience. 

My question is why do you want to throw a label on yourself like this? 

If you're still in school, then even if you DO humiliate yourself or become a laughing stock, from what you've said here I know you have good social skills, so if you DID lose some status, it wouldn't really matter, because you'll be out of the fish bowl of high school and in other social settings before long. 

And yes, you cannot count on being "at the top" in every social setting. Especially if you are new to it for some reason. You can win people over quickly but don't expect to keep the status you have now no matter what the situation is like. 

In that sense, owning and working through your fear of losing that status could help you develop the emotional resources to handle it better if you end up being a smaller fish in a bigger pond.


----------



## nikkiannpet (Mar 22, 2011)

I really cannot thank you enough.  I honestly will take your advice to heart.
I guess my real question refers to myself: Am I in my most natural state an insecure being or self-assured? :| School isn't the best place to find out sometimes.


----------



## Reclusive (Mar 25, 2011)

They used to try worrying me to keep me bound by fear.


----------



## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

What would be so bad about a diagnosis? I could see this as depression or anxiety really. If you can immediately see what is bad in any situation and focus much more on the negative than the positive that tends to strike me as more of a depressive issue than an anxiety one. Course I'm no professional to diagnose either but I do have both anxiety and depression that have been diagnosed by a professional and counseling can sometimes be useful. To some extent I'd suggest seeing if you can go, "So what," to various "What if"-ing you are doing.

What are the good things you have in your life? What post high school plans do you have? Those would also be worth some attention though I do think it may be worthwhile to talk to someone and see if that helps with some of the issues here. Just throwing out a different answer that hopefully doesn't seem too negative.


----------



## nikkiannpet (Mar 22, 2011)

jbking said:


> What would be so bad about a diagnosis? I could see this as depression or anxiety really. If you can immediately see what is bad in any situation and focus much more on the negative than the positive that tends to strike me as more of a depressive issue than an anxiety one. Course I'm no professional to diagnose either but I do have both anxiety and depression that have been diagnosed by a professional and counseling can sometimes be useful. To some extent I'd suggest seeing if you can go, "So what," to various "What if"-ing you are doing.
> 
> What are the good things you have in your life? What post high school plans do you have? Those would also be worth some attention though I do think it may be worthwhile to talk to someone and see if that helps with some of the issues here. Just throwing out a different answer that hopefully doesn't seem too negative.


I have talked to my parents about it, but they told me that it's only a stage and everyone's gone through it :| But for now I'm trying to be more positive to see where that will go.


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

nikkiannpet said:


> I really cannot thank you enough.  I honestly will take your advice to heart.
> I guess my real question refers to myself: Am I in my most natural state an insecure being or self-assured? :| School isn't the best place to find out sometimes.


 My pleasure  Natural state fluctuates for most of us. You're probably just starting to see how changeable things can be, and preparing for your future which isn't here yet, lots of unknowns, can be a scary time. 

My advice, fwiw, is to just accept (or try to accept) that you don't know what everything will look like yet. If you would rather be a self-assured person (who has moments of self-doubt, which is totally human), then be that. If you want to obsess about whether there's something wrong with you to obsess about, then do that.


nikkiannpet said:


> I have talked to my parents about it, but they told me that it's only a stage and everyone's gone through it :| But *for now I'm trying to be more positive to see where that will go.*


 Sounds perfect to me!


----------

