# sx/so vs. sx/sp



## PrincessK (May 6, 2014)

sx/so vs. sx/sp 
How do you tell the difference?


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## Aha (Mar 6, 2014)

From what I know of the stackings, divergence in the secondary instinct does not make a very significant difference. 

Although, sx/so will be more outgoing than sx/sp in most situations. But _sx_ can be quite _so_ if there is no intimate partner at hand; you could mistype one for another.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

LilMissSunshine said:


> sx/so vs. sx/sp
> How do you tell the difference?


It might be easier to compare the last instinct for each (sp-last for sx/so, so-last for sx/sp). The last instinct is the one you usually don't bother with and even avoid.


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## DomNapoleon (Jan 21, 2012)

*SX/SP
**SX/SO
*-Uses sp instinct to sactisfy the urges of sx instict, meaning they use their possessions, their economic safety and other things related to sp instinct to sactisfy the sx one (they can be seem as more attuned to the aestetics of their environment).
-Uses the social instinct to sactisfy the urges of sx instincts, meaning they need a position in the group in order to chase the needs of their sx energy (they appear more outgoing, charming and more balls out).
-Indulges in sp insctinct in order to take a vacation from the stress caused by the sx one - they may enjoy sp stufff, like taking care of the self, saving money, building a nest - however they don't manifest sp neurosis. 
-Indulges in the so instinct in order to take a vacation from the stress caused by the sx one - meaning, that they enjoy building social relationships with others, meeting the group expectations, but without manifesting so neurosis. 
*-Blind spot:* social instinct. They are isolated islands, who couldn't care less for social relationships with others or mainting social harmony. 
*-Blind spot:* sp instinct. They have a hard time staying grounded, and they might ignore sp needs for a while, such as paying bills, taking attention to the needs of the body, etc
They *both* are focused in what makes them alive, what brings them energy, and both follow their passions compulsively. 
 


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

I'm still super unsure if I'm Sx/So or Sx/Sp  

Both are sorta 'me'. I've experienced both sides of the coin.
Does that just mean So/Sp is balanced ?


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## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

@Phoenix_Rebirth Did you make that table? It seems very clear and straightforward, I like it. It would be cool to see tables like that for all the 6 stackings.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

Lady Rainicorn said:


> I'm still super unsure if I'm Sx/So or Sx/Sp
> 
> Both are sorta 'me'. I've experienced both sides of the coin.
> Does that just mean So/Sp is balanced ?


I think it just means they aren't very well defined and easy to understand in one's experience. It took 15 years of studying the Enneagram before they made sense in my own personal experience (I found them to be something other than what's described in the books). I'm still trying to get a firm handle on what SP is actually pointing to in contrast to others - the book descriptions are off the most for this instinct (IME, it's not about financial security, health, and such).


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

enneathusiast said:


> I think it just means they aren't very well defined and easy to understand in one's experience. It took 15 years of studying the Enneagram before they made sense in my own personal experience (I found them to be something other than what's described in the books). I'm still trying to get a firm handle on what SP is actually pointing to in contrast to others - the book descriptions are off the most for this instinct (IME, it's not about financial security, health, and such).


agreed. though I am quite certain I finally nailed down my tritype. the instincts are still kinda uncertain. I find the 2 in me, is more sx/sp because I realize (though it really isn't on purpose I swear, it's just me) I'm more self pres 2 than social 2. all cutsie and barf I make people sick. but, I think I'm more sx/so if I look to just the instincts but, then again, and maybe this is timing, I'm sort of obsessing over security. ... but you're probably right. the self pres is not necessarily about financial. I don't know. I'm so back and forth on this one aspect of my type. otherwise, I'm quite certain I have the rest down accurately. and sadly more counter phobic than not, but that could be situation too because there were periods in my life that I was more at peace and less aggressive 


for as complicated and frustrating as enneagram can be. I must confess, it absolutely satiates my neurons.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

sx/so is more reckless to themselves than an sx/sp. sx/sps are more out of touch with the people around them than a sx/so.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Scruffy said:


> sx/so is more reckless to themselves than an sx/sp. sx/sps are more out of touch with the people around them than a sx/so.


that doesn't help me. I'm not self destructive (minus a few years in adolescence ). but that shouldn't count. I am NOT out of touch from people around me but I also kinda don't give a shit what my friends think and female clicks and gossip irritate me to no end. I'm afraid I'm still circling this superficially. I'll have to think on it more. I wish there was a GOOD comprehensive list to compare. nudge nudge wink wink. hhaha :tongue:


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

Yeah, but then I'd have to write more stuff.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

Lady Rainicorn said:


> ...I think I'm more sx/so if I look to just the instincts but, then again, and maybe this is timing, I'm sort of obsessing over security. ...


Type 6 in particular can have concerns about security and certainty. It may have nothing to do with instinctual preference.


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## kwarling (Jan 26, 2014)

What if you're a socially awkward, withdrawn sx/so? What does that look like?


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## Dalton (Jun 10, 2013)

kwarling said:


> What if you're a socially awkward, withdrawn sx/so? What does that look like?


You can probably sense a tension of eagerness to communicate, but reluctance to screw it up. When they break out of their shell, it's probably energetic bursts with periodic remembrance to repress the energy. At least, this is how I've seen it in my own life.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

i live in a trailer behind a bi polar lady's house. I have a few cars, and my net worth is less than negative 100k. 

i used to set off avalanches for fun, and race cars up mountains. 

I regularly have sex without condoms.

I don't seem to have much self preservation compared to some.


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## Arya (Oct 17, 2012)

enneathusiast said:


> I think it just means they aren't very well defined and easy to understand in one's experience. It took 15 years of studying the Enneagram before they made sense in my own personal experience (I found them to be something other than what's described in the books). I'm still trying to get a firm handle on what SP is actually pointing to in contrast to others - the book descriptions are off the most for this instinct (IME, it's not about financial security, health, and such).


what do you think SP is then? I typed myself at SP last because I can't force myself to care about eating or eating well or doing things to take care of myself like bring a hat when I go for a long walk in the sun. I don't seem to be able to keep track of what's in my bank account. Doing those types of things really tire me out.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

Arya said:


> what do you think SP is then? I typed myself at SP last because I can't force myself to care about eating or eating well or doing things to take care of myself like bring a hat when I go for a long walk in the sun. I don't seem to be able to keep track of what's in my bank account. Doing those types of things really tire me out.


I've known SP-firsts and SP-seconds that do those types of things as well. You can check some of the threads I started a while ago where I asked about SP and see what people replied with. I think the best word I've seen so far is self-containment in the sense of not wanting to influence or be influenced by others with an emphasis on creating their own personal space. Since people are some mixture of the instincts, this self-containment will be broken up at times by the other instincts. 

As far as the SP preference goes, SP-first will seek it out, SP-second will fall back into it as something familiar and resourceful where their type can do its thing, and SP-last will tend to place very little importance on self-containment, strongly preferring interactions with others instead.


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## Arya (Oct 17, 2012)

enneathusiast said:


> I've known SP-firsts and SP-seconds that do those types of things as well. You can check some of the threads I started a while ago where I asked about SP and see what people replied with. I think the best word I've seen so far is self-containment in the sense of not wanting to influence or be influenced by others with an emphasis on creating their own personal space. Since people are some mixture of the instincts, this self-containment will be broken up at times by the other instincts.
> 
> As far as the SP preference goes, SP-first will seek it out, SP-second will fall back into it as something familiar and resourceful where their type can do its thing, and SP-last will tend to place very little importance on self-containment, strongly preferring interactions with others instead.


so what about someone like me who has every withdrawn type somewhere in their tritype or as a wing and who is also an introvert...? does that give me high SP by default? There has to be more to SP than that otherwise every introvert I know is SP dom, because they don't prefer interactions with others and like to do things alone in their space....


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

Arya said:


> so what about someone like me who has every withdrawn type somewhere in their tritype or as a wing and who is also an introvert...? does that give me high SP by default? There has to be more to SP than that otherwise every introvert I know is SP dom, because they don't prefer interactions with others and like to do things alone in their space....


Well, first off, I don't buy into the tritype or withdrawn triad concepts (I won't get into why right now). I think generally, there's a tendency for one facet of introversion (to not be gregarious) that often shows up for people who are SO-last. It doesn't mean they can't appear gregarious at times. It means there's a preference for doing their own thing in their personal space (SP) or intimate one-to-one interactions (SX). But, we're attempting to correlate two different systems here so there won't be any absoluteness about it.

The other thing is to remember that people are a mix of all three instincts. So, all you can say is there's a preference for one over another. For instance someone at a social gathering (SO) preferring to just go home and do their own thing alone (SP) - an SP-last can have trouble relating to that preference.


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## Arya (Oct 17, 2012)

enneathusiast said:


> Well, first off, I don't buy into the tritype or withdrawn triad concepts (I won't get into why right now). I think generally, there's a tendency for one facet of introversion (to not be gregarious) that often shows up for people who are SO-last. It doesn't mean they can't appear gregarious at times. It means there's a preference for doing their own thing in their personal space (SP) or intimate one-to-one interactions (SX). But, we're attempting to correlate two different systems here so there won't be any absoluteness about it.
> 
> The other thing is to remember that people are a mix of all three instincts. So, all you can say is there's a preference for one over another. For instance someone at a social gathering (SO) preferring to just go home and do their own thing alone (SP) - an SP-last can have trouble relating to that preference.


So from what you're saying then, SO is just another word for extrovert and SP is another word for introvert... I'm not sure we need two ways of saying the same thing unless you can highlight any differences... It just gets confusing.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

Arya said:


> So from what you're saying then, SO is just another word for extrovert and SP is another word for introvert... I'm not sure we need two ways of saying the same thing unless you can highlight any differences... It just gets confusing.


That's not at all what I'm saying. That's what you're interpreting through some generalization you have of introversion and extraversion.

Take the big 5 interpretation of extraversion for example. It has 6 different facets that are collectively grouped under extraversion.



> *Warmth*
> Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others.
> 
> *Gregariousness
> ...


I was simply saying that someone SO-last would likely be low in gregariousness. I said nothing directly about the other extraversion facets. I think you're glazing over the details in favor of generalities. I find that to be a huge problem when people use broad labels to define the types and related concepts. Experience is much more subtle than that and if you can't distinguish the details in those subtleties then you won't be able to see the trees for the forest.


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## Ventricity (Mar 30, 2009)

that's interesting. i have so second. but i have probably fairly low on gregariousness(introverson might have something to do with this, as well is the SX instinct more into one on ones than crowds.). but at the same time i think i have fairly high Warmth and Positive Emotions.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

I'm fairly sure I'm an Sx/Sp.
Feel free to inquire if there is something I can point out about how I go about my life.
I'm too lazy to try to describe it.


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## enneathusiast (Dec 15, 2012)

Ventricity said:


> that's interesting. i have so second. but i have probably fairly low on gregariousness(introverson might have something to do with this, as well is the SX instinct more into one on ones than crowds.). but at the same time i think i have fairly high Warmth and Positive Emotions.


I wouldn't draw any absolute correlations between the social instinct and extraversion or even gregariousness. I was just pointing out that gregariousness is not the same as extraversion and so-last would likely find little reward or interest in the crowd - instead preferring to do their own thing (sp) or one-to-one/more intimate interaction (sx).

I think the social instinct is about participating in/navigating groups and social structures. Someone so-first would find it rewarding and be drawn to it. Someone so-last would likely not find it rewarding and find it generally not worth the bother or even avoid it. Someone so-second might find it necessary but not be pulled one way or another.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

enneathusiast said:


> I wouldn't draw any absolute correlations between the social instinct and extraversion or even gregariousness. I was just pointing out that gregariousness is not the same as extraversion and so-last would likely find little reward or interest in the crowd - instead preferring to do their own thing (sp) or one-to-one/more intimate interaction (sx).
> 
> I think the social instinct is about participating in/navigating groups and social structures. Someone so-first would find it rewarding and be drawn to it. Someone so-last would likely not find it rewarding and find it generally not worth the bother or even avoid it. Someone so-second might find it necessary but not be pulled one way or another.


Whenever people I know are just meeting to meet.
I'm like, look at all the fucks I give.
If they are doing some activity, that becomes a whole other ballgame.
Meeting to eat is inbetween, I can eat the food and ignore all the So chitchat.
When the food is over I propose an activity, if declined I leave.


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## anissabyss (May 17, 2021)

Dalton said:


> You can probably sense a tension of eagerness to communicate, but reluctance to screw it up. When they break out of their shell, it's probably energetic bursts with periodic remembrance to repress the energy. At least, this is how I've seen it in my own life.


I can agree with this I think. I’m still new to the whole stacking thing and I’ve been having some trouble defining my own instinctual functions, but this makes sense to me. I’m an Infp 4w5, and I think I might be an sx/so. I have isolated myself from most of my friends and family over the years, and I am overall pretty shy and reserved. But I find that when it comes to expressing opinions, or if a topic really interests me, I can have bursts of outgoing-ness, but then after I’m finished talking I regret it most times, lol. I regret that I’ve said too much. I think this is what makes me a very awkward person... I could also be an sx/sp, but to be honest I’m not really sure. Both of them speak to me to an extent


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## Miranda Mayhem (Sep 16, 2016)

I'm sx/so and my mom is sx/sp.

I am limitless in my resolve to connect with others on an intimate level and can often forget the practical implications of investing myself in this. I tend to go all-in quickly, to relationships, to projects, to work and don't stop to think of my needs or how the outcomes may affect my stability.

My mom is much more conscious of how her emotional investments will affect her security. She must always have something to immerse her soul into, but not without calculating the risks involved. She has the ability to strike a balance between fulfilling her passions and protecting her resources.


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## Erik PLAYERik (May 28, 2021)

.Can Sx/So be negative towards society?


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## CosminFighter (Aug 21, 2021)

Aha said:


> From what I know of the stackings, divergence in the secondary instinct does not make a very significant difference.
> 
> Although, sx/so will be more outgoing than sx/sp in most situations. But _sx_ can be quite _so_ if there is no intimate partner at hand; you could mistype one for another.


cool bro


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## oneway (8 mo ago)

Doesn't matter to know your second and third instinct. the essentiel is your first instinct. Once you have identifie. Love you and feel free to do what you want. listen your heart <3.


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