# After divorce dating....



## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

JohnyDoGood said:


> Just to be clear, not that I mind, how "kindly" are we talking about here? Not that I care, just, you know, curious.
> 
> :laughing:


haha....you are bad!


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

Paul said:


> After divorce dating.......hmmmmmmmmmmm ? I've been divorced for 27 years this summer. I never thought I'd be single this long, but that's how it has worked out for me. (A very long story)
> 
> I've been through two relationships this year and it's only April! The first left me for a guy with money and the second left, because she decided she was still in love with her last boyfriend. Both women I met on-line.
> 
> ...


I VERY much understand what you are saying. I am in a really great place right now myself having done this. Doesnt mean I dont miss companionship....but wow, no BS or drama.


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

Korvyna said:


> As I sit here enjoying my sweet tea.... I can't help but grumble at how much my ex changed.... He played this really sweet and nice down to earth guy routine... And slowly after we had been married he turned into this controlling jerk who thought that he should make all the decisions because he made more money. Needless to say, that didn't last long with me... And after I left he learned that just because you make more money doesn't mean you know how to spend it more wisely... When I moved out... he ended up getting numerous shut off notices for his gas/electric and his water... Several late notices on his credit cards... And after all that, from my understanding, he still doesn't see that he's doing anything wrong, and still blames me... He still spends more money than he makes... Oh and that was the other thing... He claimed he got a raise, but his pay check stubs several months later told another story....


I never understood this! I mean, come on....we all are on our best behavior in the beginning. The difference is why blatent lies? Why deceive someone? Do they live in a fairy tale and believe it themselves? Or are they just using a lure to yet claim another victim.


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## Paul (Apr 12, 2010)

MyLittleBlackHeart said:


> I VERY much understand what you are saying. I am in a really great place right now myself having done this. Doesnt mean I dont miss companionship....but wow, no BS or drama.


Give yourself some time. Be good to yourself .... do something that you'd wanted to do, but you've never had the time.

Follow a dream.............


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

Paul said:


> Give yourself some time. Be good to yourself .... do something that you'd wanted to do, but you've never had the time.
> 
> Follow a dream.............


 
Indeed......


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

Paul said:


> Give yourself some time. Be good to yourself .... do something that you'd wanted to do, but you've never had the time.
> 
> Follow a dream.............


As an INTJ I can say I factored this into my life within the first week of separation...I surprise myself at how quickly I recover from the death of the relationship.....then I give time after that for all the different levels of acceptance to catch up with my resolve. We strategise as a matter of course for our survival. You won't find us giving up and not being good to ourselves once our resolve is made.

27 years is a long time. I can understand by the seemingly horrid types you describe that sometimes it is better just to call it a day. I have considered this too.

I find that I was just glad that someone was interested enough to take the time to know me (which can be an extremely difficult task) and confused it with compatibility. This will never happen again!! I have ordered at least half a dozen people to slap me this time if I choose inappropriate matches (You are all invited to a mighty cyber slap too). I also have my panel of two to vet before I become emotionally involved....I know now that I know "how" to be in a partnership and be good at it. It's the "who" I was with which was the problem. I also figured out the "why" I chose badly. I know "what" I look for now. which only leaves the "when" and that simply does not bother me....ha

It's like a military campaign this time....nobody will get my nub unless I deem it so!!

With that said....they are all for the purpose of me actually finding a date. I have acheived a high level of fussiness from analysing what my needs/wants/dislikes/can't tolerate. Last one with the personality disorder was a wake up indeed:crazy:

I am not fussed if I don't find anyone to fit requirements as I know first hand that it's lonlier in a shitty relationship than on my own. 

You are perfectly right in saying be good to yourself and follow what your dreams are.


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## YourMom (Mar 13, 2010)

What are some good places for a 21 year old guy to find these recently divorced women? Sandra Bullock's not returning my phone calls.


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

bethdeth said:


> As an INTJ I can say I factored this into my life within the first week of separation...I surprise myself at how quickly I recover from the death of the relationship.....then I give time after that for all the different levels of acceptance to catch up with my resolve. We strategise as a matter of course for our survival. You won't find us giving up and not being good to ourselves once our resolve is made.
> 
> 27 years is a long time. I can understand by the seemingly horrid types you describe that sometimes it is better just to call it a day. I have considered this too.
> 
> ...


Sister, you are dead on with this........I am SO with you. I am not afraid of who I am in a relationship, I am afraid of my choices in who I engage with. :dry:


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

middeljohn said:


> What are some good places for a 21 year old guy to find these recently divorced women? Sandra Bullock's not returning my phone calls.


lol...funny you. I am thinking right under your nose.


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## On the road to Damascus (Oct 1, 2009)

My question is when do you stop ticking that darn "divorced" box on all of those annoying demographic profiling forms (tax forms, loan applications, other on-line applications) and just become single again? 

I was married briefly in my 20's and have now been single longer than I have been married....I need a single again ceremony so I can now be single again and not divorced (hahahaha)!

I am applying to join your group...even us extroverts sometimes need to protect our nubs if they get rubbed the wrong way! :laughing:


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

On the road to Damascus said:


> My question is when do you stop ticking that darn "divorced" box on all of those annoying demographic profiling forms (tax forms, loan applications, other on-line applications) and just become single again?
> 
> I was married briefly in my 20's and have now been single longer than I have been married....I need a single again ceremony so I can now be single again and not divorced (hahahaha)!
> 
> I am applying to join your group...even us extroverts sometimes need to protect our nubs if they get rubbed the wrong way! :laughing:


I check off single...is that bad? :tongue: 

Sooooooo happy to have YOU....I always have enjoy you around in/on the forum. I am throwing in your honor a virtual singleton ceremony..... Demascus gets her groove back!! :wink:


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## On the road to Damascus (Oct 1, 2009)

Thank you MLBH! I have been to a few divorce parties but never had one of my own....it's been a while (since my divorce) and now I really do feel single (and I tick the single boxes )...I have friends who are now going through the divorce dance themselves...all the more reason to start organizing some parties.

It's important to celebrate all milestones in life and a parting (for whatever the circumstances) is one of them!


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

I was just thinking after unloading and mulching ALL DAY LONG how nice it is that men can carry heavy things.  Just sayin'

Yet another reason to try to reconsider nunhood. :/


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## Paul (Apr 12, 2010)

On the road to Damascus said:


> My question is when do you stop ticking that darn "divorced" box on all of those annoying demographic profiling forms (tax forms, loan applications, other on-line applications) and just become single again?
> 
> I was married briefly in my 20's and have now been single longer than I have been married....I need a single again ceremony so I can now be single again and not divorced (hahahaha)!
> 
> I am applying to join your group...even us extroverts sometimes need to protect our nubs if they get rubbed the wrong way! :laughing:


Speaking of ticking boxes......

On applications they have a "M" box and a "F" box to tick for "SEX". Sometimes, I put a write-in on the "SEX" question and write in "SOMETIMES" and check that box.


* SEX*

* M F Sometimes**


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## On the road to Damascus (Oct 1, 2009)

Paul said:


> Speaking of ticking boxes......
> 
> On applications they have a "M" box and a "F" box to tick for "SEX". Sometimes, I put a write-in on the "SEX" question and write in "SOMETIMES" and check that box.
> 
> ...



Hahahahahahaha!!! Ya, there should be a box to tick for: 
*
SEX*

Rarely
Never
:blushed:


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## georgie (May 2, 2010)

walkawaysun09 said:


> Not a divorcee, but it appears to be the general consensus that everyone who has had a relationship they are no longer in...typically had it end for a reason of one of the two were not being that great, and most people don't know how to admit it might have been them. With me, I know i had a part to play in things where my relationship ended, we all do.
> 
> As far as you dating again, I would like to know what age group it is you're talking about with the baggage/ex's/etc. If you are in your 20s, seeking other 20 somethings that are single (not necessarily been married) there's still a chance the whole high school drama type relationships are having a weight to play. Otherwise, depending on age group, there could be a multitude of problems, people with PMS issues (otherwise known as the need for males to duck and cover from flying kitchen utensils once a month...been there, seen that), etc etc. Be more specific, I would love to try and help.
> 
> Also, I've noticed most people these days seem to overdramatize things shortly after breakups, but as time wears on, they hopefully realize their mistakes that played into things. I think there has to be someone out there for you, because the nunhood...it doesn't seem all that it's cracked up to be anymore. What with the pedophile priests and Catholicism being kinda big on certain viewpoints and all.


 
 Funny:laughing:


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

On the road to Damascus said:


> Hahahahahahaha!!! Ya, there should be a box to tick for:
> 
> *SEX*
> 
> ...


or 

*SEX*

Self, finds in others too much BS and/or drama

*cracking up*


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

ok...I have been away for six days (damn net went down)....anyone had a date yet?

I went out on Saturday night and had a great time (I did have an interesting flirt with someone). I had a team of people all perving on different men for me and weighing up the possibilities....towards the end of the night they were starting to become less fussy and were trying to set me up with all manner of men half my age with drinking problems....

obviously my team needs to stay sober so this weekend we are going out again I have decided to have pre-gig drinks at my place and then all of us go out to see 4 live bands....they are all designated drivers...ha


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

bethdeth said:


> ok...I have been away for six days (damn net went down)....anyone had a date yet?
> 
> I went out on Saturday night and had a great time (I did have an interesting flirt with someone). I had a team of people all perving on different men for me and weighing up the possibilities....towards the end of the night they were starting to become less fussy and were trying to set me up with all manner of men half my age with drinking problems....
> 
> obviously my team needs to stay sober so this weekend we are going out again I have decided to have pre-gig drinks at my place and then all of us go out to see 4 live bands....they are all designated drivers...ha


lol...no dates....though similar to you. Going out this wkend.

I have been hanging out with a lesbian friend of mine lately. We went out to lunch today....to a gay eatery. The straight eatery across the way had the HOTTEST handsome man I was exchanging glances with...until I turned left up the path vs right. sigh


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

MyLittleBlackHeart said:


> lol...no dates....though similar to you. Going out this wkend.
> 
> I have been hanging out with a lesbian friend of mine lately. We went out to lunch today....to a gay eatery. The straight eatery across the way had the HOTTEST handsome man I was exchanging glances with...until I turned left up the path vs right. sigh


Maybe he likes the unattainable? Maybe he likes to watch? Maybe he's from outta town and doesn't know you were eating at a gay eatery...

I was kinda peripherally stalked by my interesting flirt Saturday. He has access to my private...sorta public blog and my facebook page....he seems to view my pages an awful lot....I could see him trying to get the courage up to try and speak to me....damn I must be scary sometimes...I semi accosted him in the middle of a scan for me and inquisitioned him on how he managed to get from this direction when he was leaving from the other direction.....he seemed chuffed that I noticed....ha

At least I didn't tell him all about my car extras....no I haven't forgotten that:blushed:


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