# Men don't choose me?



## 5tarrynight (Mar 12, 2016)

I need some advice. I want to know why every time I like a guy, they always choose another girl over me. She always is the "sexy" type and I'm just not that kind of girl. It makes me really upset. 
People say I'm good-looking, funny, and nice, but boys don't even make a move on me or look at me. How can I get a guy to like and choose me? Advice like "Wait for the right guy" won't help me much. I want to know ways to attract a guy and how not to turn him off. Thank you!


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

it depends a lot on the age of these men, and where they are in their personal journey. Also, some men never grow up.


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## zen0202 (Mar 14, 2011)

What has your history been with these men. Have you dated them or just friends and then they chose someone else?


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## 5tarrynight (Mar 12, 2016)

zen0202 said:


> What has your history been with these men. Have you dated them or just friends and then they chose someone else?


They were crushes.


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## Shiver (Nov 10, 2016)

What exactly is the "sexy type"?


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## 5tarrynight (Mar 12, 2016)

Shiver said:


> What exactly is the "sexy type"?


They're the kinds of girls who cake on makeup, are loud, and flirt with a lot of guys. They also come off as stuck-up, but seem to be very confident in themselves. They're basically the "popular" girls.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Be sexy

When I say that I do not mean a pathetic attempt at trying to look desperate. 

Sexy is really just a confidence in many ways.


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## 5tarrynight (Mar 12, 2016)

What are traits that a guy finds "sexy"? Being "sexy" doesn't come naturally to me.


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## zen0202 (Mar 14, 2011)

It doesn't have to be something that comes naturally because different people find different things sexy; it can be just being yourself and bringing out the great qualities you have


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## LivingWaters (Apr 2, 2017)

mikankoneko said:


> What are traits that a guy finds "sexy"? Being "sexy" doesn't come naturally to me.


Not all guys are interested in that. Many are interested in the idea of a traditional, devoted housewife. In fact these types of men look at the 'sexy' types and think 'whores.'


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## Flying Triangle (Feb 10, 2017)

Be feminine. 

Don't be masculine.


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## shazam (Oct 18, 2015)

Just be yourself it will pay off in the long run.


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## Nixu (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm fairly sure you're wrong when you say boys don't even look at you. Even a mediocre looking woman gets looks from men, and you said people have told you're good-looking. Perhaps you're just not noticing the guys who are interested in you.


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## Meliodas (Nov 16, 2016)

mikankoneko said:


> I need some advice. I want to know why every time I like a guy, they always choose another girl over me. She always is the "sexy" type and I'm just not that kind of girl. It makes me really upset.
> People say I'm good-looking, funny, and nice, but boys don't even make a move on me or look at me. How can I get a guy to like and choose me? Advice like "Wait for the right guy" won't help me much. I want to know ways to attract a guy and how not to turn him off. Thank you!


1. Stop taking birth control, as it affects your pheromones. 

2. Get a classic, medium length haircut (50s/60s ish), wear a stylish but kind of artsy dress (no jeans), ditch your bra and put some red lipstick on. You can use polystyrene foam under your dress to make your hips and ass look bigger if necessary.

3. Practice seductive smiles in the mirror, and smile like that at men who you find attractive. Do not be subtle because men are clueless. If you really like a man, say something to him.

If you don't get hitched within a few days then get back to me


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## MolaMola (Jul 28, 2012)

Rock Of Ages said:


> . Use plastic foam to make your hips and ass look bigger if necessary.




.....dafuq lol


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## Meliodas (Nov 16, 2016)

MolaMola said:


> .....dafuq lol


Because you can't use Photoshop in real life, models actually slip polystyrene foam under their dresses to make their hips and ass look bigger. 

Don't believe me?


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## Denature (Nov 6, 2015)

mikankoneko said:


> I need some advice. I want to know why every time I like a guy, they always choose another girl over me.


It doesn't seem like any guys actually know of you to choose someone over you in the first place.


mikankoneko said:


> She always is the "sexy" type and I'm just not that kind of girl. It makes me really upset.


Do you want a guy that's into the "sexy" type anyway?


mikankoneko said:


> People say I'm good-looking, funny, and nice, but boys don't even make a move on me *or look at me*.


Why do you feel entitled to male attention? I don't believe the bolded.


mikankoneko said:


> How can I get a guy to like and choose me?


You don't *get* a guy to like you. He gets to know you and then "liking" just happens if he's into you. Choosing can only happen after contact.


mikankoneko said:


> Advice like "Wait for the right guy" won't help me much.


You know why that advice sounds unhelpful to you? Because you already know deep down what the answer is. Go out and make it happen.


mikankoneko said:


> I want to know ways to attract a guy and how not to turn him off. Thank you!


Be yourself. Better to attract a man by how you naturally are rather than what you've faked to be. You'd only be setting yourself and your potential partner for failure/disappointment. Imagine if you started dating this awesome guy who was so funny and intelligent only to find out a couple months into the relationship that he only faked being "attractive" from an online forum and the internet?


Here's some real advice. 

Go out there, meet guys, learn what you want in a man, seek them out, make friends and figure out if YOU like THEM. If they're worth it, then put in extra effort to spend time with them and get to know them. If he's into you then let him take lead and he'll most likely keep the ball rolling but don't sit back and let him do all the work.

As of right now, it appears that your problem is your mindset. Don't expect men to go out of their way to throw themselves upon you because you're a pretty girl. Put some effort in.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Where are you looking? What types of guys are you going for? How many have you liked?

I don't agree on fabricating an image, although small improvements can help.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

In my experience, that happens when you don't have an aura of availability. This can happen if you have low self esteem.


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

mikankoneko said:


> They're the kinds of girls who cake on makeup, are loud, and flirt with a lot of guys. They also come off as stuck-up, but seem to be very confident in themselves. They're basically the "popular" girls.


Ew.. 

To be honest I prefer the sound of you to them. Just be you, don't fake yourself, don't use props and prosthetics because it's a false advertisement of what you are. If you make yourself into what you are not, or act like something till you land the guy, you'll land the wrong guy. You want someone who wants "you" not some persona that you won't be able to keep up. Also, it leads to heartbreak, as they find out the real you and then leave as you wont be what they thought you were. 

All I can advise is tell guy crushes that you are interested in them and that's it. Be you in how you show affection, and let them know that your actions are your way of showing affection too. At the same time don't go by initial crushes, head over heels, stay grounded and "get to know" a person. Love comes from a developed relationship, diving into one on the basis of initial crush is a bad idea.


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## Gojira (Dec 18, 2015)

1. Are you fat? That's the number one. If you're fat, lose the weight. That's it. That's all most women have to do to be attractive to a good chunk of men.
2. How "unique" is your fashion sense? If you're dressing like a frumpy goth with a ton of facial piercings, a lot of guys will be turned off.
3. Who are these people that tell you you're good-looking, funny, and nice? Are they men that you're not related to or friends with? Usually guys don't tell girls who are good-looking they're good-looking. They don't want to creep you out by declaring their physical attraction or, if you're hot, they think it'd be redundant to tell you because they assume you already know.
4. Your standards are too high. Not saying you can't have standards, but at some point you have to be reasonable or patient.

Not going to give personality advice because personality only becomes a problem AFTER you got the guy interested in you.


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## justjay (Dec 2, 2013)

5tarrynight said:


> I'm usually the one to make the first move and maybe by doing that continuously, it scares them off?


What do you do as your first move? As an fairly unaware person I'm just curious.


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## 5tarrynight (Mar 12, 2016)

justjay said:


> What do you do as your first move? As an fairly unaware person I'm just curious.


I usually go up and say hi with a smile. Once we have a little conversation going or before it ends, I introduce myself.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

angelfish said:


> Oh geez, you're like the Eating Disorder Santa.
> 
> And while your "bitter truth" might be true _in some cases_, it's not the whole truth by any means. There is much, much more color, variation, diversity, and complication in the universe of attraction than your post makes it sound.
> 
> ...


Being slim =/= get an eating disorder. Obviously do it right.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

angelfish said:


> Oh geez, you're like the Eating Disorder Santa.
> 
> And while your "bitter truth" might be true _in some cases_, it's not the whole truth by any means. There is much, much more color, variation, diversity, and complication in the universe of attraction than your post makes it sound.
> 
> ...


Ask them if they'd rather date a confident supermodel or a confident plus sized woman. Then the truth is revealed. The comparison is unfair. It just means insecurity is super unattractive. It didn't ask them if they WANT to date a plus sized woman, all things the same.

Very few, quality, fit, attractive men are interested in chubby women. Though they do exist, they are the far minority. When men say curvy, they still mean slim. There's a huge difference between a 21 BMI curvy woman and a 27 BMI chubby woman. Do not fool yourself. I believe there's a bit of an echo chamber amongst many women in order to make themselves feel better, and let's face it, not have to diet because that's hard. There a minority of men who like chubby women, but if you want the best chances, you should appeal to the vast majority. The exceptions prove the rule. 

I'm trying to give practical advice here. Not coddle her feelings and make her feel better about her situation.


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## Cherry (May 28, 2017)

CrystallineSheep said:


> I have realised that people who are more 'basic' or 'average' find it easier to get partners because they will find more people to get along with. It isn't about how beautiful, sexy or 'fun' you are. People get with people who they feel like they can understand or relate to. The smarter or the more 'different' you are, the harder it can be for you to get a partner.


Ugh, the sad truth


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Sylarz said:


> AI believe there's a bit of an echo chamber amongst many women in order to make themselves feel better, and let's face it, not have to diet because that's hard. There a minority of men who like chubby women, but if you want the best chances, you should appeal to the vast majority. The exceptions prove the rule.
> 
> I'm trying to give practical advice here. Not coddle her feelings and make her feel better about her situation.


As am I, actually. I'm just playing for the endgame. 

I take it from the male symbol in your profile that you're a man and haven't experienced the lifetime of negative comments women get on their bodies, no matter _what_ the shape or size we are. My question for you is this: what about men? If a man was asking this, would you say the same? If so, fair. If not, I think it's worth considering that there is a lot of social baggage that surrounds women and their bodies. We grow up listening to people tell us what they think of our weight, our curves or lack thereof, our weight gain and weight loss, no matter whether it's actually healthy or unhealthy. I was praised when underweight _and_ overweight. I was told I could stand to lose weight when I was at a healthy BMI. The truth is that people make shallow judgments that are crappy predictors of health and happiness.

Correspondingly, my point is that if OP wants to attain a successful relationship with someone she's attracted to, who is attracted to her, and with whom she shares mutual affection, IMO she's better off focusing on her overall wellbeing - her health, including diet and exercise - and self-esteem, rather than just her weight. And, IMO, the really hard work is in working on oneself. Stimulants can make you lose weight extremely quickly with zero effort. Developing a healthy diet and exercise routine and developing self esteem requires self-discipline. But, sure, losing weight will open her dating pool up. 

The question is, does she want a bigger dating pool, or a happy relationship?


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

angelfish said:


> As am I, actually. I'm just playing for the endgame.
> 
> I take it from the male symbol in your profile that you're a man and haven't experienced the lifetime of negative comments women get on their bodies, no matter _what_ the shape or size we are. My question for you is this: what about men? If a man was asking this, would you say the same? If so, fair. If not, I think it's worth considering that there is a lot of social baggage that surrounds women and their bodies. We grow up listening to people tell us what they think of our weight, our curves or lack thereof, our weight gain and weight loss, no matter whether it's actually healthy or unhealthy. I was praised when underweight _and_ overweight. I was told I could stand to lose weight when I was at a healthy BMI. The truth is that people make shallow judgments that are crappy predictors of health and happiness.
> 
> ...


Yeah. I think it's even more important for men to look good than women. These days women are even more picky on looks than men. The idea that they are not is an epic joke. When it comes to dating, your resume is your body. I have a thread "get ripped or die trying" where I'm trying my hardest to get as lean as possible, which is the male equivalent of getting skinny. So I know how hard it is and I swallow my own pill.

I'd say that being able to attract the men she likes is the first step to having a happy relationship. Being mutually physically attracted to one another is the foundation and first step, not a hindrance.


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## caity811 (Feb 9, 2015)

I looked through the threads you've started, and you made one about not knowing you're sexually attracted to someone. So, either you're young or have a non-existent sex drive (perhaps due to a condition). The former is more likely though, correct me if I'm wrong! 

If you're in high school or college, most guys just want casual hookups. Now, if that's what you're looking for, then all you have to do is ask a guy if they're down to hookup. Most guys will say yes.

If you want a relationship, however, that'll be a bit more complicated. There's a lot of good advice on here about meeting people through hobbies and events, and those are good places to meet people and form friendships that can turn into relationships. 

I suggest signing up for a dating website or app. There's one app in particular that I recommend, and I know I'm going to get so much shit for this, but Tinder. It's commonly known as an app people use to get casual hookups, but me, my older sister, and two of my best friends have all found serious relationships on Tinder. Sure, you have to really weed through the people on the app to find ones that are looking for something serious, but it's a great way to meet people in your area that you wouldn't have otherwise. Especially if you live in a big town or aren't very social. 

Another thing: be upfront with people about what you're looking for. Tell them you're looking for a relationship so that you don't waste your time. Trust me, even though so many young people are just into casual sex, there are still PLENTY of men looking for serious relationships. You just have to search for them. 

You mentioned makeup. I've read studies that say men prefer a minimal amount of natural looking makeup. Basically some light coverage foundation, mascara, eye brows filled in, and maybe some eye liner and lip gloss or lip stick. Nothing fancy. But you do you, don't wear makeup just to get a guy. You want to find someone who thinks you're beautiful with or without makeup, someone who treasures you as a human being.

You're young though, so don't worry about relationships too much. You're still figuring out yourself and so are your peers. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

Be attractive, don't be unattractive. 

Yeah that's about it. If someone's not attracted to you there is nothing you can do to make them so. It could be a case that you chronically get crushes for people who aren't into you. It happens and it's shit when it does. The reverse is also true, people crushing on you when there is just no way in hell you would ever be attracted to them. Unfortunately our feelz is a terrible indicator on whether or not a potential match is found. It's hard to reconcile that we have feelings for someone who doesn't return them but that is a common experience for both men and women.

Hang in there, it will be a while but you will eventually stumble upon mutual attraction. It's just rarer than the world would have you believe.


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## knife (Jul 10, 2013)

5tarrynight said:


> I usually go up and say hi with a smile. Once we have a little conversation going or before it ends, I introduce myself.


I would find this a friendly, not flirtatious gesture tbh.

I can't really offer any advice about how to _make_ it feel warmly flirtatious (which I suspect is the feel you're trying to evoke) because when I do it successfully I do it subconsciously. But I do suspect it involves me switching my mindset due to some signal or another.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

5tarrynight said:


> I need some advice. I want to know why every time I like a guy, they always choose another girl over me. She always is the "sexy" type and I'm just not that kind of girl. It makes me really upset.
> People say I'm good-looking, funny, and nice, but boys don't even make a move on me or look at me. How can I get a guy to like and choose me? Advice like "Wait for the right guy" won't help me much. I want to know ways to attract a guy and how not to turn him off. Thank you!


It really depends on a lot of things. You may be subconsciously putting out a "vibe" that says "back off." Or, you may come off as too sophisticated/mature for the particular group of males you are finding yourself in. It has been my experience that women tend to mature faster than men, my theories as to why could fill many pages of text, and would not help you with your current problem. 

First, we have to establish a baseline that may seem rude, crude, lewd, and immature. 

In my late teens/early twenties, I spent a great deal of time and effort on one objective: getting laid. I didn't really care how or why, I just wanted to find women who would grand me their boon, and I didn't want to go through a whole lot of time and effort to get it. Obviously, I spent more time as a young man being frustrated and alone than I did getting lucky.

Now given this sad and pathetic truth of my youth, I am going to say that, a great many young men of your age are probably going through the same sort of mental statistics I once pondered. Without a whole lot of conscious thought, they are likely attempting to figure out which women they can hope to get lucky with within a reasonable amount of time and effort. They are, in point-of-fact, attempting to maximize their chances of getting laid.

It occurs to me that, you may not be presenting yourself in this light as a likely candidate, and this may not necessarily be a bad thing. You're missing out on the whole "sleazy hookup" thing (unless that is something you want, then that's a whole other kettle of fish). You may be looking for love in all the wrong places. 

So that's the first thing to clear up. Are you looking for a man to have a long-term committed relationship, or are you just looking for a "good enough for now" sort of thing? Please be certain, I'm not judging either way.


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## deviants (Dec 16, 2016)

Short answer:
Men think with their dicks.

Long Answer:
....Men think with their dicks. But SOMETIMES they can grow out of it too SOME (not totally) degree as they age and mature.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

tanstaafl28 said:


> women tend to mature faster than men







deviants said:


> Men think with their dicks.


 They are some of the very reasons I tend to hate my gender.


tanstaafl28 said:


> Without a whole lot of conscious thought, they are likely attempting to figure out which women they can hope to get lucky with within a reasonable amount of time and effort. They are, in point-of-fact, attempting to maximize their chances of getting laid.
> 
> It occurs to me that, you may not be presenting yourself in this light as a likely candidate, and this may not necessarily be a bad thing. You're missing out on the whole "sleazy hookup" thing


 Every time I start to believe in love these facts are thrown at my face. Again, I hate my gender that makes me look for love when all I'm going to look like is "a piece of ass" with no respect. Wish I was after getting laid as the guys are. Again, I hate this gender that makes me the soft, disgusting thing I am, that makes me more mature when the guys do all they want. I hate this body which has the qualities of motherhood.:sad: If I was to born again, I would rip my body to shreds if I was incarnated as a female. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Duplicate


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

marybluesky said:


> They are some of the very reasons I tend to hate my gender.
> Every time I start to believe in love these facts are thrown at my face. Again, I hate my gender that makes me look for love when all I'm going to look like is "a piece of ass" with no respect. Wish I was after getting laid as the guys are. Again, I hate this gender that makes me the soft, disgusting thing I am, that makes me more mature when the guys do all they want. I hate this body which has the qualities of motherhood.:sad: If I was to born again, I would rip my body to shreds if I was incarnated as a female. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


Those are social assumptions that you can challenge at any time. I find your gender defiance kind of hot. 

I suppose there may be underlying experiences that might have led you to feel this way, and I really don't mean to be obnoxious or callous about this. I truly believe the female gender is pretty damn amazing. If you wish to discuss it, you can PM me.


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## caity811 (Feb 9, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> They are some of the very reasons I tend to hate my gender.
> Every time I start to believe in love these facts are thrown at my face. Again, I hate my gender that makes me look for love when all I'm going to look like is "a piece of ass" with no respect. Wish I was after getting laid as the guys are. Again, I hate this gender that makes me the soft, disgusting thing I am, that makes me more mature when the guys do all they want. I hate this body which has the qualities of motherhood.:sad: If I was to born again, I would rip my body to shreds if I was incarnated as a female. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


Hey, try not to be so down about yourself and your gender. Females are great! Being soft and vulnerable is beautiful. Looking for love is a great thing. Your attitude towards love is likely the result of bad experiences, but I promise you there are people out there who are looking for love. I would know because I'm dating the most wonderful man who is a romantic and completely into commitment. There are people out there who are like this, they can just be hard to find. Have hope though, there are billions of people in this world and I promise there are ones who are perfect for you. 

Also, having a body capable of producing a ANOTHER HUMAN BEING is honestly so incredible, and I hope you never feel bad about that. It's a miracle that a few tiny cells can create a complex, autonomous, breathing creature with the capability to think great things, learn, and grow. 

You wrote about having to be more mature than guys and not able to just hookup. Well, thankfully, in 2017, you CAN do what you want like guys do. If you want to have casual sex, go for it! Express and explore your sexuality and if people put you down for doing this, tell them to fuck off. 

I encourage you to examine what causes you to detest your gender. Maybe you could even make your own thread on here and talk about it and get feedback from others. Regardless, I hope that someday you are able to love yourself.


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## Mirkwood (Jul 16, 2014)

5tarrynight said:


> I need some advice. I want to know why every time I like a guy, they always choose another girl over me. She always is the "sexy" type and I'm just not that kind of girl. It makes me really upset.
> People say I'm good-looking, funny, and nice, but boys don't even make a move on me or look at me. How can I get a guy to like and choose me? Advice like "Wait for the right guy" won't help me much. I want to know ways to attract a guy and how not to turn him off. Thank you!


*YOU ALSO CHOOSE.*

I think that is very important, it's not all about being loveable, atttractive so that others choose you.
You can want someone and they will be happy to be wanted by you.

Another factor could be the paradox that sometimes liking someone and being there for them makes them feel more confident and good, to maybe move on..
Which is a bit of a odd one, because we love to make our partner or the person we like to feel good about themselves.
There are also people who consistently will make someone feel bad, and that only they like them.. making it so that it is desert, and their the only water/love source.


You say, "Always", is it really always like that?. 
Other day I felt like saying something similar, why nobody wants me, etc.. but there are... but I may not be interested in them as much.

Some will say we seek to re-experience feelings we are familar with, could also be bad ones... to maybe bring them about.
I don't know if that is entirely true, but could be worth thinking about... maybe you could handle differently.
As I said in start, then it's good to remember that you also choose, and that someone will be happy about that, it kinda gives you a feeling that your also worthy, that you make a difference.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

@*tanstaafl28* , @*caity811*, if I am to say and analyze what ledto my hatred for my gender I should prepare a long scroll. Maybe I someday start a thread about that, still it is hard to write because I should make my mind and compact all the causes and feelings ina meaningful way which prevents the potential misunderstandings, especially ast he English isn’t my native language.
For the moment I can talk about that a little bit. I do have some bad experiences, still not worse than what a lot of females have. The times have changed but there still are MANY double standards of the gender norms. Look at this very thread: why men don’t CHOSE me? Then look at the responses.
Besides, there are some biological factors. Having a physically weaker body automatically makes you more prone to be a violence victim in almost all its forms. Then going home with a random guy to have sex is riskier for me than the other way around. I know that the one night stand has its own popularity among women, in some cultures at least, still there is a huge difference in the male and the female approach toward it.




caity811 said:


> Being soft and vulnerable isbeautiful. Looking for love is a great thing.


 
Thanks for your reply and I respect your point of view, but we have radically different perceptions of the things. I don’t find being vulnerable and love-seeking as beautiful. The typically feminine characteristics have no value for me.



caity811 said:


> Also, having a body capable of producing a ANOTHER HUMAN BEING is honestly so incredible, and I hope you never feel bad about that.


Well, to me it sounds like growing a parasite inside me who destroys my shape and eats up my body’s calcium. Then I must give birth to the baby and be sick for a while when the father can do whatever he wants,i ncluding having sex with other females. I have no maternal instinct.



caity811 said:


> You wrote about having to bemore mature than guys and not able to just hookup. Well, thankfully, in 2017,you CAN do what you want like guys do. If you want to have casual sex, go for it!


That’s right, but complicated. I like to hook up, still I crave for the love. And I can’t hook up as carelessly as the males do, objectifying the other without the consideration of their feelings - which I wish I could. On the other hand, a committed relationship isn’t exactly what I want. I’m standing on a though point.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

@marybluesky

You are so totally "6ish" and phobic to boot. Being female leaves you feeling unsafe, and you hate the notion of needing anyone else to protect you and make you feel safe. I can understand that. Feeling vulnerable is part and parcel of love. You can't love someone unless you give them the right to crush your heart. It is a risk, but the rewards of being able to find someone who will love you and trust you unconditionally (and vice-versa) are usually worth it.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

marybluesky said:


> They are some of the very reasons I tend to hate my gender.
> Every time I start to believe in love these facts are thrown at my face. Again, I hate my gender that makes me look for love when all I'm going to look like is "a piece of ass" with no respect. Wish I was after getting laid as the guys are. Again, I hate this gender that makes me the soft, disgusting thing I am, that makes me more mature when the guys do all they want. I hate this body which has the qualities of motherhood.:sad: If I was to born again, I would rip my body to shreds if I was incarnated as a female. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


Not trying to be an asshole, but don't blame your sex for your personal problems. 

Or, in this case, your personal traits that aren't actually problems, that you think are problems. If love is what you want, that's all that should matter. If you don't WANT to want it, you can repress the desire. If you WANT to want mindless d*ck-chasing, you can eventually want yourself into it. YOU HAVE THE POWER. Never tell yourself you don't; it's self-defeating, and self-defeating mindsets are decidedly unattractive.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

marybluesky said:


> They are some of the very reasons I tend to hate my gender.
> Every time I start to believe in love these facts are thrown at my face. Again, I hate my gender that makes me look for love when all I'm going to look like is "a piece of ass" with no respect. Wish I was after getting laid as the guys are. Again, I hate this gender that makes me the soft, disgusting thing I am, that makes me more mature when the guys do all they want. I hate this body which has the qualities of motherhood.:sad: If I was to born again, I would rip my body to shreds if I was incarnated as a female. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


Keep believing in love. Not every guy just looks at women like they're pieces of ass, while some ladies are really only after getting laid. Young men typically are testosterone-driven, while women mature emotionally and socially at earlier ages, but that doesn't lock us into these patterns forever. Sex interest and drive can change with age and experience. (I have a higher sex drive than my husband now, but he had a higher drive than me five years ago.) Stress also has a huge impact on sex drive. As for soft - if you train your body physically, you'll be stronger and quicker than most untrained men - not to mention that you're already more flexible than almost all men, which also lends a physical advantage.


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## typethisperson (Feb 4, 2017)

you could try an attraction oil from a witch shop.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

I find younger guys often make a beeline for girls who end up being complete narcissists. I've considered this topic and I think it's because narcissistic women spend a LOT of time on themselves and it shows. They have the hair, the face, the clothes all laid out to the hilt, and they have a way of evoking an image that is exactly what a man wants to see, and young men don't realize that it's a complete until it's too late. That's why MGTOW exists. A lot of young women draw men in with what is nonexistent fluff, and, in the end, the young men end up regretting it, because I hear the conversations men have once their in a relationship, and it's always the same thing. Either the wife/girlfriend is incredibly demanding or she ends up leaving him in the end. I'm not saying this happens all the time, but it's becoming increasingly common. It's hard to find a beautiful woman who dresses up to the hilt and who isn't entitled. Now if you are, and you're not entitled, I definitely thank you're commendable, because society rewards women for being a bit selfish and narcissistic, and sad to say, but men do too, to an extent. 

I'm a girl that guys friendzone a lot too, and here's what I've gleaned so far: if you reveal yourself as someone who has too much in common with them too soon, they'll quickly start seeing you as "one of the guys" and it'll be difficult to see you as an attractive female, even if they find you attractive. If you don't put out signals that you're interested, because they don't want to be rejected, they'll move on pretty quickly. If you're a solid, authentic, intelligent, caring young woman, I PROMISE you there are guys everywhere looking for someone like you, but sometimes they don't really see it. It helps if you, first of all, show interest. Also, regarding appearance, you don't have to cake on the makeup. What I've learned is, appearance wise, the two most important things to focus on are: your figure and your HAIR!!! If you don't have a nice figure, then maybe work towards getting fit. If you don't have great hair, make that an absolute priority. I've found that in many situations, the women a lot of men find attractive have gorgeous hair, and it's not always hard to pull off. Pinterest has tons of tutorials of how to make your hair look really nice. It takes a bit more time to maintain, especially if you have oily or fly away hair, but it's well worth it, in terms of the attention you'll get. Also, maybe consider putting in some nice highlights. Make the color pop. I'm telling you, if you want to look attractive, you cannot give enough attention to the hair. Guys tend to not be all that picky when it comes to the face, as long as you have pretty, not bloodshot eyes, and a nice smile, you should attract someone, but the hair is kind of a big deal hahaha.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Get skinny. You won't regret it.

You'll have the opposite problem and get sick of the men you have to reject all the time.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

@angelfish and @Sovereign I see your quotes in my email but not in the thread. I don't know what's the matter


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## caity811 (Feb 9, 2015)

> Well, to me it sounds like growing a parasite inside me who destroys my shape and eats up my body’s calcium. Then I must give birth to the baby and be sick for a while when the father can do whatever he wants,i ncluding having sex with other females. I have no maternal instinct.


Well, you don't have to have a child if you don't want to. It's completely fine to never have children if you don't want to. There's plenty of birth control options out there such as the pill, IUD, patch, and IUDs are very effective and last for years. 



> I like to hook up, still I crave for the love. And I can’t hook up as carelessly as the males do, objectifying the other without the consideration of their feelings - which I wish I could. On the other hand, a committed relationship isn’t exactly what I want. I’m standing on a though point.


Maybe you would like an open relationship? That way you have a loving relationship with your partner, but you can also have casual sex with other people.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

5tarrynight said:


> Being that kind of girl wouldn't be staying true to myself.


Maybe it is time for some visuals?


__
Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
Show Content










I assume this is what you mean by being not true to yourself.
(I could be wrong, but got to start somewhere)


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

marybluesky said:


> @*angelfish* and @*Sovereign* I see your quotes in my email but not in the thread. I don't know what's the matter


It's the site. In case you can see this one, Tl;Dr: you're powerful, and you can want whatever you want. =)


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## Monadnock (May 27, 2017)

This is for all women reading this thread. I once read an article called "The Female Quality That Men Find Irresistible". Any girl who wants a relationship should read it. Three different people in the article all independently reached the same conclusion: *the quality is being joyful, fun and positive, and sharing that joy with everyone around you.* I'm a guy and I concur mightily. This quality is pretty irresistible. The more women practice this, the more successful relationships will be created.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

Let me put it this way:
I don't know you. I don't know what you look like, what your personality is. I don't know what guys you are aiming for- for all I know you are aiming for guys out of your league.

You could be complaining about guys out of your league, while at the same time rejecting guys IN your league because you are slightly deluded (I've seen this happen plenty).

Sorry darling, but you can't expect to receive full trust/respect in what you are saying, when the majority of people who have the perspective you do, simply have the wrong perspective for their circumstance.


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## Ttalkkugjil (Feb 1, 2017)

5tarrynight said:


> They're the kinds of girls who cake on makeup, are loud, and flirt with a lot of guys. They also come off as stuck-up, but seem to be very confident in themselves. They're basically the "popular" girls.


Be a woman of quality. Be a woman of substance. Be a woman of character. The right guys will find you sexy. Don't worry.


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## 5tarrynight (Mar 12, 2016)

tanstaafl28 said:


> It really depends on a lot of things. You may be subconsciously putting out a "vibe" that says "back off." Or, you may come off as too sophisticated/mature for the particular group of males you are finding yourself in. It has been my experience that women tend to mature faster than men, my theories as to why could fill many pages of text, and would not help you with your current problem.
> 
> First, we have to establish a baseline that may seem rude, crude, lewd, and immature.
> 
> ...


I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I am not interested at all in hookups.


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## 5tarrynight (Mar 12, 2016)

Red Magician said:


> Maybe it is time for some visuals?
> 
> 
> __
> ...


Yes! Exactly!! XDDD


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## Ttalkkugjil (Feb 1, 2017)

5tarrynight said:


> Yes! Exactly!! XDDD


So much for being a woman of character.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

5tarrynight said:


> I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I am not interested at all in hookups.


Well that helps. Because everyone is different, I'm not exactly sure what you specifically should do next, what have you tried so far?


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## martinkunev (Mar 23, 2017)

5tarrynight said:


> I need some advice. I want to know why every time I like a guy, they always choose another girl over me. She always is the "sexy" type and I'm just not that kind of girl. It makes me really upset.
> People say I'm good-looking, funny, and nice, but boys don't even make a move on me or look at me. How can I get a guy to like and choose me? Advice like "Wait for the right guy" won't help me much. I want to know ways to attract a guy and how not to turn him off. Thank you!


There must be something that repels guys. You need to find out what that is and change it.

You say it's not your appearance.

Maybe these men are not looking for serious relationships.
If you're shy, that could make initial interaction more difficult.
Maybe you're not in the right environment and people around you expect to act like your female friends.

With this information I can just guess.

----



marybluesky said:


> They are some of the very reasons I tend to hate my gender.
> 
> Every time I start to believe in love these facts are thrown at my face. Again, I hate my gender that makes me look for love when all I'm going to look like is "a piece of ass" with no respect. Wish I was after getting laid as the guys are. Again, I hate this gender that makes me the soft, disgusting thing I am, that makes me more mature when the guys do all they want. I hate this body which has the qualities of motherhood.:sad: If I was to born again, I would rip my body to shreds if I was incarnated as a female. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


Some men are also looking for long-term partners and it's as difficult (or even more difficult) for them to find one.

I think you see just the negative sides. A woman being ugly is a serious problem, but otherwise women have it easier than men in some ways. Here are some examples:
A woman can go to a bar and people will start buying her drinks.
In most societies, a woman can get away with being very emotional or being afraid.
If a woman wants to get laid, she can just go to somebody and ask.
In a relationship, the woman usually has more control.
A woman who is very shy or is not very good at talking can find a relationship much more easily than a man in an equivalent situation.



marybluesky said:


> Besides, there are some biological factors. Having a physically weaker body automatically makes you more prone to be a violence victim in almost all its forms.


It's true that women are more often victims of violence, but the things aren't completely black. Let's turn this the other way.
People thinking you're a potential rapist or accusing you of commiting violence.
People trying to stay away from you or even running away because they're scared.
Doesn't happen a lot to women, does it?


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## martinkunev (Mar 23, 2017)

double post


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

martinkunev said:


> I think you see just the negative sides. A woman being ugly is a serious problem, but otherwise women have it easier than men in some ways. Here are some examples:
> A woman can go to a bar and people will start buying her drinks.


I beg to differ on the first one, though. Nobody buys me a drink, especially random people in a bar. In fact the opposite usually happens. I buy people drinks and food which I don't mind.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

5tarrynight said:


> I need some advice. I want to know why every time I like a guy, they always choose another girl over me. She always is the "sexy" type and I'm just not that kind of girl. It makes me really upset.
> People say I'm good-looking, funny, and nice, but boys don't even make a move on me or look at me. How can I get a guy to like and choose me? Advice like "Wait for the right guy" won't help me much. I want to know ways to attract a guy and how not to turn him off. Thank you!


"Be yourself" is too simple. Be the person who demonstrates what they like ... something that can be shared or just something interesting. You will attract a guy who likes the same thing or finds it interesting. But you have to put it out there.
===========================





marybluesky said:


> Every time I start to believe in love these facts are thrown at my face. Again, I hate my gender that makes me look for love when all I'm going to look like is "a piece of ass" with no respect. Wish I was after getting laid as the guys are. Again, I hate this gender that makes me the soft, disgusting thing I am, that makes me more mature when the guys do all they want. I hate this body which has the qualities of motherhood.:sad: If I was to born again, I would rip my body to shreds if I was incarnated as a female. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


This is a tough one because I don't know you or your environment. If you believe in love that's good, but love takes time and involvement with someone. Sex is there as an initial attractant. Find a guy who will appreciate sex plus you. If he rejects you because you are slow on sex, you don't want him in the first place. I don't know why you "hate your gender." I say accept who and what your are. There are guys who are out for love too, but sex usually plays a role. That's all I can think of at the moment.
===========================





deviants said:


> Short answer:
> Men think with their dicks.
> 
> Long Answer:
> ....Men think with their dicks. But SOMETIMES they can grow out of it too SOME (not totally) degree as they age and mature.


When one is hungry they can go to a restaurant. That doesn't mean they will choose a greasy spoon or any other dump. Good company helps if you have to eat. One can postpone eating if nothing good is available or compromise and not have a good time. (I haven't thought this out well.)
============================




I am married BTW.


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