# Never been in a duality intimate relationship yet the platonic ones...



## ParetoCaretheStare (Jan 18, 2012)

Just aren't that great. I've dated an ENTJ and he was incredibly willing to listen to me and understand what I mean. ESTJ's just want to judge me and tell me what to do, making me feel disabled and telling me I'm lazy all the time. ENTJs have never told me I was lazy, they've only respected the differences. This is where my confusion on duality sets in...

How is it that I'm more attracted to ESTJs than ENTJs because physically the practicality and sensing of the ESTJ is more enticing. On the other hand, ENTJs are not as hot to me, yet they're more willing to have a conversation with you on intuitive topics. Unfortunately I broke up with ENTJ because we were incompatible, ultimately and solely when it came to more intimate topics of course. But why do I still feel like the ESTJ breaks my heart every time they demand something of me? 

These feelings make me want to rethink the entire concept. Perhaps duality is a load of turd and all it has to do with is which one is going to make you feel the best in the bedroom? Platonically there is nothing satisfying about duality relationships at all. It's just irritating. Yet like I said before, semi-duality isn't enough either, and the knowledge of the differing quadra group just makes the relationship seem even weaker.

I just can't let go of the fact that duality doesn't seem like a mutual partnership because every time there is potential one person (usually I) never feel the same way as he does.


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## Dragheart Luard (May 13, 2013)

Maybe you have met LSEs that just don't work, which can be for issues that aren't related to type. Other problem may be mismatched subtypes, so that can be other way that they irritate you. I get along well with SEE-Fi, as they can deal with my crappy Fi better.


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## weaknight (Apr 9, 2016)

i guess i'm not understanding socionics well... i've read that in socionics the p/j are inverted. but that would mean either way that your dual is an estp/j. either way you should share that same letter to be dual... ugh. really i'm willing to understand this better  
i've been in a relationship with an estp. actually more than one. what to say.... something magic. he's still the person i daydream about. the person i compare all my other dates with, although he was rude, and so much different from me, and a jerk, and i hate him. all of this. yeah, but he's the other side of the apple. the things i'll never be alone. i need him to feel full. his grasp on reality, his blatant not caring for anything while in the same time being the sweetest for the amount of routine-like care he puts in little things, which i can only seem to obtain in my mind. he was more real than anything, he made me feel i was more real than anything. when i always daydream. it ended, trust issues all the times. but they're the only types, among my exs, i can think about with a big smile on my face, they taught me to live, really. good luck <3


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

Mordred Phantom said:


> Maybe you have met LSEs that just don't work, which can be for issues that aren't related to type. Other problem may be mismatched subtypes, so that can be other way that they irritate you. I get along well with SEE-Fi, as they can deal with my crappy Fi better.


Mordred is right. There may very well be issues not related to subtype; also, I have noticed something with sensors, not all of them seek out their HA or dual seeking functions because at times they themselves don't understand their need for it very well, it especially happens when they are younger (the same happens with young intuitives you could say). Sometimes, it's also a mismatch of enneagram instinctual subtypes: ie contraflow especially so/sp (yuck) ISTps and I seem to not get along as smoothly.
ALSO, Mordred, I would like to talk to you about your relationship with SEE-Fis in contrast with SEE-Ses, elsewhere. I hope you will agree  .


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

ParetoCaretheStare said:


> I just can't let go of the fact that duality doesn't seem like a mutual partnership because every time there is potential one person (usually I) never feel the same way as he does.


The sample size of the ExTjs you've met is incredibly small to derive any conclusions.

Besides socionics, there are other typing systems, and sometimes it happens that you meet a semi-dual / mirage / beneficiary / benefactor / mirror etc. who is more compatible with you in other typing systems, and gives you the whole butterfly-in-stomach feelings, while not being your dual in socionics. This doesn't cancel socionics duality, but adds many more extra layers that you shouldn't ignore in choosing romance mates. The compatibility buck doesn't stop at socionics.

As for ENTjs, I haven't met one that didn't seem like waiting for someone else to help out with their chores, and I wonder how well an INFj would fare in this relationship, and whether she will feel squeezed out like a lemon--because relationships don't subsist on pleasant conversations.

All other things aside, I think it takes time to get adjust to you dual. One ESTj I know can be patronizing and a heartbreaker when it comes to women, yet some INFj has penetrated into his heart. Though he has called her "stupid" in many occasions, all he can think about now is her. With all the women available to him, he wants to be with her. This is the unconscious power of duality. It seeps in even when, consciously, you want to castigate and boycott your duals and feel disappointed with them.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

The thing is, making relationships work are a matter of personal maturity from both people, and duality cannot make people suddenly grow up and take responsibility. 

A lot of the time I think people chalk up relationship difficulties too much to typology in general, like sure, typology can explain some of those things, but no matter how many systems you cross off on the list, people are deep, flawed and complex and thusly, so are human relationships. They are messy in ways typology can never quite help us deal with and often times I think people are too quick to justify why things work/don't work out due to typology, probably because it reduces something very abstract and complex into something simple and concrete e.g. ITR issues. Typology can of course play a role, I am not saying it never does, but most of the time I get the impression that people think typology explains more than it really does. 

Above all, I think making relationships work requires work and a willingness to communicate and thus also, work, on the issues that are laid out. The way I interpret this is that the OP just happened to meet a bunch of douchebag guys who also just so happened to be LSEs, but being a douchebag isn't type related. 

I'd look into trying to find more compatible guys and focus less on what types they are. What you intrinsically want is a guy that gets you and cares for you in the way you need to be cared of, and a douchebag never qualifies in that regard, no matter what type he also happened to be.

I mean, I'm surrounded by Se doms and Se egos in general at my main office but I don't like or get along with the majority of them, especially the SEEs, mostly because I find them to be annoying or just pricks. It's more related to their actual personalities than it is their TIM. TIM simply explains how you metabolize information, but it doesn't exclude you from being a dick.


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## Captain Mclain (Feb 22, 2014)

you guys understand that you need to have an relationship with at least 16 people to have one with one dual. and even then one might be one of your parents you and you have to have relationship with additional 16 people to find yet an other?


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## Strife (Aug 25, 2010)

ParetoCaretheStare said:


> Just aren't that great. I've dated an ENTJ and he was incredibly willing to listen to me and understand what I mean. ESTJ's just want to judge me and tell me what to do, making me feel disabled and telling me I'm lazy all the time. ENTJs have never told me I was lazy, they've only respected the differences. This is where my confusion on duality sets in...
> 
> How is it that I'm more attracted to ESTJs than ENTJs because physically the practicality and sensing of the ESTJ is more enticing. On the other hand, ENTJs are not as hot to me, yet they're more willing to have a conversation with you on intuitive topics. Unfortunately I broke up with ENTJ because we were incompatible, ultimately and solely when it came to more intimate topics of course. But why do I still feel like the ESTJ breaks my heart every time they demand something of me?
> 
> ...


There's the possibility that you are typed incorrectly. That being said, I dont find sensors in general to have an aversion to talking about intuitive topics - and furthermore why would you want someone to trade redundant information with. It's useless information in the sense that you can generate it yourself.


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