# Best and worst secret keepers



## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

I would say ESTP and ISTJ are the best and possibly INFP's if it's a value of theirs.

I agree ExFJs and INFJs are the worst secret keepers. To _some,_ secrets are a good bargaining tool. Ha. It also depends on the person, if I really care about them, I won't tell directly but I will hint at it and make it sooooo obvious. But about 80% of the "secrets" I'm told, I don't really care about so they never get shared.


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## Khiro (Nov 28, 2012)

INFPs and ISTJs are amongst the best, although I doubt they're the only ones who are. 

I can see why people say NFJs could be the worst, although I think it paints a poorer picture of us than we might deserve. If I'm told to keep something secret I will, without fail, no matter what it is. If I think something is highly sensitive I will also hold onto it forever. It's really only when I'm told something that feels a little borderline and I'm then put into a situation where I think it might genuinely be worthwhile to bring it up that my discretion is likely to falter. 

I'd also like to draw attention to the frequency with which our types are provided with others' personal information. There are several types that make great listeners, but for some reason, in my sincere opinion, it's the NFJs in whom people are most drawn to revealing their deepest secrets. I'm not alone amongst these types in saying I've had strangers divulge their innermost thoughts and feelings to me at almost the drop of the hat. Most days, in fact, I discuss something with someone that they would want me to keep secret, whether online or in person. For whatever reason people come to me with those types of conversation. 

So with that in mind, while I do understand what people are saying, I think there are good reasons for it. And if we do let go of more information than most types, I think we also hold onto more, purely by virtue of being given so much.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

Khiro said:


> I'd also like to draw attention to the frequency with which our types are provided with others' personal information. There are several types that make great listeners, but for some reason, in my sincere opinion, it's the NFJs in whom people are most drawn to revealing their deepest secrets. I'm not alone amongst these types in saying I've had strangers divulge their innermost thoughts and feelings to me at almost the drop of the hat. Most days, in fact, I discuss something with someone that they would want me to keep secret, whether online or in person. For whatever reason people come to me with those types of conversation.


It literally scares me how much random people will reveal to me without actually knowing me very long.

But I do like listening to life stories :kitteh:


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## Khiro (Nov 28, 2012)

JungleDisco said:


> It literally scares me how much random people will reveal to me without actually knowing me very long.
> 
> But I do like listening to life stories :kitteh:


I agree. I have no problem with people telling me anything, but I'm amazed at how comfortable some people are divulging themselves. If I spoke as openly as some people do I'd feel constantly on edge.


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## Ninja Elf (Jun 30, 2013)

Khiro said:


> INFPs and ISTJs are amongst the best, although I doubt they're the only ones who are.
> 
> If I'm told to keep something secret I will, without fail, no matter what it is.
> 
> ...


True story! I can't believe how much people tell me about themselves- it's unnerving sometimes.

I really think this is more up to the individual. I know that my ENFJ cousin can't keep a secret, and I know that my ISTJ, ISFP, and INFP friends I would trust anything with, especially the INFP. I also know that I can absolutely carry a secret to the grave. Maybe that's because I'm such a private person that I don't share hardly anything of myself with strangers or acquaintences, and I put other people above myself a lot of the time?


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

JungleDisco said:


> It literally scares me how much random people will reveal to me without actually knowing me very long.
> 
> But I do like listening to life stories :kitteh:


Depends on the situation. Practical strangers outside in the real world? No. It feels far too intimate, there's no safe space for me and I feel uncomfortable and squirmy and I'm wishing so fucking hard that they would please shut up for the love of all that is holy. I drop some hints and if that doesn't work, then I give up and come right out and tell them to shut up.


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## datMBTIguy (Oct 31, 2012)

If I had to guess, Si and Fi keep secrets best and Fe and Se keep secrets worst


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## Carmine Ermine (Mar 11, 2012)

I think I'm good at keeping secrets particularly if I believe revealing them would cause harm to innocent people. But I'm also very bad at keeping secrets if NOT revealing them would cause harm to innocent people.


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## etranger (Jan 17, 2013)

ISTP. ISTP does not want social credit, so they won't trade your information as lubricant. Also--most of the ISTP I've met tended to be pretty protective of their own privacy and autonomy, so it's hard for me to see someone with that type thinking that it was interesting to violate someone else's privacy or interfere with their affairs.


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## JamesSteal (Apr 14, 2013)

ISTJ - Best
ISFJ
ISTP
INFP
ESTJ
INTJ
INTP
INFJ - It starts to get hazy
ESFJ
ENTJ
ENTP
ESTP
ESFP
ENFJ
ENFP - Worst


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

The EXTJ I knew loved blabbing people's secrets. She couldn't keep it under control at all, you'd tell her something and within a short space of time, everyone would know. She was very sneaky with it aswell.


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## Holgrave (Oct 11, 2011)

My mom's (ISFJ) a bad secret keeper. I've learned the hard way to never tell her something that you don't mind the rest of the family and her coworkers to know about. I think that's just because she's a gossip. I'm a pretty good secret keeper. I'm a bad liar so if someone asks me I'll just say that I can't tell them. Most people either don't confide in me or don't tell me secrets though.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

monemi said:


> Depends on the situation. Practical strangers outside in the real world? No. It feels far too intimate, there's no safe space for me and I feel uncomfortable and squirmy and I'm wishing so fucking hard that they would please shut up for the love of all that is holy. I drop some hints and if that doesn't work, then I give up and come right out and tell them to shut up.


I honestly rarely mind. If I'm busy then yeah I don't want to hear it, but seriously, I like juicy gossip ><

People related issues are my _​life. _


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

JungleDisco said:


> I honestly rarely mind. If I'm busy then yeah I don't want to hear it, but seriously, I like juicy gossip ><
> 
> People related issues are my _​life. _


If it were cool and fun stuff, it would be great! That's not what I'm on the receiving end of. I get the pathetic saps. Blech!!!


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

monemi said:


> If it were cool and fun stuff, it would be great! That's not what I'm on the receiving end of. I get the pathetic saps. Blech!!!


It's your cool exterior that attracts them :laughing:

I get people who are confused about stuff, and just want someone to offload to... if that makes sense? 
Like it's been eating away at them, in which case, I let them say their peace and then we both get on with our lives.

Like one time, in the middle of a packed club, this girl sat me down and just literally told me her life story. I should have minded because I was there to have fun, but she just seemed so distraught. I couldn't turn her away. So we sat down for like an hour and just chatted, she shook my hand and left.

The next day... I find out that she had gone to everyone in our group and tried to get in their pants, big creepy style.... Except me. I'm still not quite sure whether that's an achievement or I should be offended?


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

JungleDisco said:


> It's your cool exterior that attracts them :laughing:
> 
> I get people who are confused about stuff, and just want someone to offload to... if that makes sense?
> Like it's been eating away at them, in which case, I let them say their peace and then we both get on with our lives.
> ...


Who even knows. I've had guys overshare/unload on me before. During a third date and a few times wayyy too early into the relationship. 










You're way cooler about it than I am.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

monemi said:


> Umm... ESTP's value loyalty. Some random person in school or at work tells me a secret, I'm not loyal to them. A close friend or family, have my loyalty. I wouldn't betray them.
> 
> Where are people getting the idea that ESTP's are disloyal?


Well of course there are people from all types that are loyal and would be great at keeping secrets. This is all generalizations. Some ESTP's I know in my life are terrible at keeping secrets they just know way too many people and are always starting conversations, too many chances to for something to slip, but that definitely doesn't need to apply to all ESTP's.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

Sporadic Aura said:


> Well of course there are people from all types that are loyal and would be great at keeping secrets. This is all generalizations. Some ESTP's I know in my life are terrible at keeping secrets they just know way too many people and are always starting conversations, too many chances to for something to slip, but that definitely doesn't need to apply to all ESTP's.


So why rate ESTP's as poor secret keepers? Loyal people don't go blabbing the secrets of people they share mutual trust with. As a group, loyalty is listed as one of our traits. We have our fair share of bad traits. Must more be loaded on? This is something I could get right when I was 5. It's pretty basic.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

monemi said:


> So why rate ESTP's as poor secret keepers? Loyal people don't go blabbing the secrets of people they share mutual trust with. As a group, loyalty is listed as one of our traits. We have our fair share of bad traits. Must more be loaded on? This is something I could get right when I was 5. It's pretty basic.


Haha, I'm not trying to talk negatively about ESTP's, the ESTP's I know are awesome. I still wouldn't trust them with my secrets though, you are probably different from them in that way though.


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## Xenograft (Jul 1, 2013)

I'm pretty good at keeping secrets, I think.

Of course that is definitely a biased opinion.


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## basicallyrun (Jun 11, 2013)

Well, I'd like to think we INTJs are pretty good secret keepers, partially because spilling secrets would require us to like, talk to people and stuff.


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## HalfwayThere (Aug 30, 2012)

Haha I'm an INFJ, and i will guard a secret with my life unless Im given a better reason to tell. It goes into that giant file cabinet I have in my brain in case of emergencies, such as payback against a repetitive backstabber. So as long as they don't hurt me beyond repair, they've got nothing to worry about. 
Still, i wouldnt put infjs at the top of the trust list. lol

As for the worst secret holders, enfp. As much as i love them, i wouldnt burden them with a secret. Not with their tendency to get excited and speak before thinking. Ive heard them say things to me Im sure they werent supposed to be telling.


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## Cantarella (Sep 3, 2010)

Best: ISTJ
Worst: ESFP


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## PPM (Apr 7, 2013)

I really can't be bothered to find out secrets about other people's personal life because that would involve gossiping. But the ones I know, I have kept silent about...Well, I would probably talk about something I find morally reprehensible; If my best friend committed murder, for example, I would turn them in. I think INTPs are good secret keepers just because we don't engage in small talk so often.

My ESFx friend sucks at keeping secrets. Probably because she needs something to chat about.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

PPM said:


> I really can't be bothered to find out secrets about other people's personal life because that would involve gossiping. But the ones I know, I have kept silent about...Well, I would probably talk about something I find morally reprehensible; If my best friend committed murder, for example, I would turn them in. I think INTPs are good secret keepers just because we don't engage in small talk so often.
> 
> My ESFx friend sucks at keeping secrets. Probably because she needs something to chat about.


You'd turn your bset friend in for murder? No way. I wouldn't turn on my best friend.


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## PPM (Apr 7, 2013)

monemi said:


> You'd turn your bset friend in for murder? No way. I wouldn't turn on my best friend.


I would. Murder is one of the gravest crimes in my opinion (I'm going to ignore state-sanctioned killing because that's another story), and I would not shelter a killer or if I were to became one, expect to be sheltered by my friend. Wow I guess I am more of a Kantian than I thought.


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## Nordom (Oct 12, 2011)

I'll reveal things that I had no idea were secrets, but take other things to my grave that no person on earth would give a shit about.
I'm terrible at keeping secrets.
I'd go with ISTJ best and INFP worst.


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## Van Meter (Sep 28, 2012)

I don't keep gossip secrets long term generally, because gossip by nature doesn't intend to keep itself secret. That's why gossip is a stupid thing to do. Eventually I will discuss it with the victim of the gossip when the time is right, again, generally. Other than that, I can keep a secret if it is worthy. I feel like I would be a really good therapist or priest in a confession box so to speak, because those are people who are confiding in you for rightful causes(im guessing).

Anyone could get something off of their chest to me, and I could counsel and give comfort, but like... secrets could mean many other things.


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## IntoTheBlue (Jul 13, 2013)

I'm good at keeping secrets


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## Kittynip (Mar 24, 2013)

The two ESTP's I know have been horrible at keeping secrets - only because they find it interesting to know what's going on in the lives of others. I'm sure if they _wanted_ to, they'd be excellent at it, but the thing is... They don't. 
I've noticed they seem to be pretty guarded themselves, though. 

The ENFP's I've also known have also been bad at it, depending on how strongly they felt about the topic being kept secret. 

Just my own anecdotal observations, though!

Best? I would think ISFJ/xNTJ.


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## MyNameIsTooLon (Apr 28, 2012)

INFP's, ISFP's and ISTP's will take it to the grave.

INFJ's are terrible at keeping secrets and I'm not sure why exactly. They just seem to like to blab about everything. 
ESTP's are also horrid secret keepers. Never ever tell them anything you wouldn't want repeated 100x.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

MyNameIsTooLon said:


> INFP's, ISFP's and ISTP's will take it to the grave.
> 
> INFJ's are terrible at keeping secrets and I'm not sure why exactly. They just seem to like to blab about everything.
> ESTP's are also horrid secret keepers. Never ever tell them anything you wouldn't want repeated 100x.


Why? ESTP's don't gossip. So why would we tell other people's secrets? I think you're mistyping and so is the other type.


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## Karma Butterfly (Jul 15, 2013)

Why is everyone so sure ESFP's are bad secret keepers?

I'm probably the only person I know who never told on anyone, and most of the people I interact with are IxxJs. I'm actually extremely secretive myself. I have a terrible time keeping surprises from people though, but only when I'm the one making them.


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## Fish Launcher (Jan 14, 2013)

ENTPs would probably make the worst secret keepers.
ISFJs would probably make the best secret keepers.

The secret? (xD)

ENTPs tend to blurt things out, are talkative (and thereby more likely to blurt things out), have inferior Si (and therefore are more likely to forget the secret was supposed to be a secret), are Perceivers (which makes them prone to not plan their words and make them even further at a risk of blurting) and don't really care.

ISFJs, one the other hand, are introverted Js (they plan their words out inside their heads, which reduces the risk of blurting), are SJs, which gives them incredible Si (and the power to remember that it's a secret), and both Fe and Fi, which is enough to make them cautious of spillage.

Just my opinion.


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## Philippo (Jul 18, 2019)

The best is definitely infp and isfj...hahaaa, estp's are the worst. also entj can be pretty good at it though


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## Zeri (Jan 23, 2018)

Isfjs best (possibly Infjs too). Entps and Estps worst, methinks. 

Being a counsellor, I've had to keep other people's private stories confidential for years and counting. It's part of my job, to be sure... but I don't find it difficult either. 

Someone said Istps are good at keeping secrets? I kind of agree - in that they tend to have smaller social circles and tend to be private in general, so don't 'blab' much, but my istp husband has also let things slip inadvertently because he 'forgot' he was a secret..... He told me about my own surprise baby shower, for goodness sakes! So I'm not sure about istps being good secret-keepers in general.. :-D ha ha. Not sure what the others are like.


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## DKM (Nov 21, 2019)

I can't speak for anyone else, but by default, when someone talks to me, I consider most of what they say to be a secret, or at least personal info. I don't know if this is a personal values thing or what, but I think it's also because what I would want others to do for me, being a pretty private person in general.

I remember once a co-worker came up to me and started talking to me about how she was trying to lose weight, and it was fairly apparent that she was insecure about her size. Even though she came up and talked to me about this freely and in public, I assumed it was fairly private, and as such, she wouldn't appreciate me talking about it with others.

But as mentioned in the first post, if for some reason I think divulging a secret would actually make things better, I would do it. I'd try not to do it whimsically, but I would consider it.

I've definitely had points in the past when I've carelessly let loose an implicit secret, and it pretty much always ended badly.


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## Stevester (Feb 28, 2016)

ESTPs are the best at keeping secrets? LOLWUT?? Bitches love drama and gossip when they're in child Fe mode. Blurting out secrets = drama = them being stimulated by the aftermath and subsequent mud slinging. 

But I would say Fe Doms are obviously the worst offenders here. But in their defense, they have a very push and pull relationship with secrets. On the one hand it's morally wrong to release them and would hurt the person involved, on the other hand it's......oh so fun?? They're all about people and their lives so it can be anywhere between extremely hard to impossible for them to keep juicy secrets in the vault. I guess it comes down to who the secretee is. If it's someone they love and respect, they will obviously honor it, if it's someone who ranks C tier or lower in their lives, the whole town will know before day's end. 

I would say ISTJs are the best secret keepers, but there are two things to consider here: 1) It's mostly because they don't give a shit 2) If drunk you can expect them to spill the beans in a casual _''Who cares, right?''_ way. Only to feel like shit the next day when they remember they opened their mouth.


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## Ecchi (Jun 26, 2018)

Stevester said:


> ESTPs are the best at keeping secrets? LOLWUT?? Bitches love drama and gossip when they're in child Fe mode. Blurting out secrets = drama = them being stimulated by the aftermath and subsequent mud slinging.


ESTPs keep secrets as long as they see you as an intelligent being. ESTPs stop keeping secrets when they view you as needing a public shaming/correction of your moronic self.


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## Strawberry Lemonade (Dec 7, 2019)

I'm not sure I've noticed a trend here. I would think Ne might make a ENFP blurt out a secret, but then I've seen an ISTJ do that, which is a type I wouldn't except that from. ISFPs and INFPs might have an advantage here.


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## Suntide (Dec 22, 2018)

Like most things, this is more about context, situation and dynamic than cognition and I'm not sure how anyone could really apply this to type outside of anecdotal evidence.


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## Fixated (Dec 11, 2019)

im shitty at keeping secrets, and it's not like I'm trying to spill them, sometimes I dont think about what I'm saying and something just slips out. Sometimes I'll catch myself halfway through and try to play it off but it's always so nerve wracking when it happens


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## Stevester (Feb 28, 2016)

Suntide said:


> Like most things, this is more about context, situation and dynamic than cognition and I'm not sure how anyone could really apply this to type outside of anecdotal evidence.


Even though I ''participated'' in this thread, I have to agree that all these _''Which type is most likely to do this very specific thing?'' _threads are kinda pointless since 99% of the time they have nothing to do with type, but everything to do with individuals and circumstances.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)




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## Queen Talia (Aug 21, 2017)

I'm pretty good at keeping secrets. The thing with me is people tell me stuff (Secrets/gossip etc.) all the time, so like I know the dirt on everyone. Won't tell it unless I have to though.

I know some of my xSFJ friends aren't as good at is as I am. I don't think they mean harm, I just think they get too caught up in the moment in that group setting and say too much.


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## Lonewolf2000 (Dec 13, 2019)

I’m an istj and keeping secrets is what I do best. The worst thing a person can ever do to me is repeat something after I asked them not to. I’ve stopped being friends with many people for this reason. If someone asks me to keep a secret and take it to my grave I take that very seriously and I don’t understand why anybody else wouldn’t. And anybody who I can tell a secret to and they take it to their grave will be my new best friend.


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## brightonrock (May 9, 2019)

Who do you think is best at keeping their own secrets and not so good at keeping others but unleashes others’ in a non direct way i.e hinting that an individual may have said something along those lines etc ... ??


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

brightonrock said:


> Who do you think is best at keeping their own secrets and not so good at keeping others but unleashes others’ in a non direct way i.e hinting that an individual may have said something along those lines etc ... ??


ENTJ. Except that they will do it purposely.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Worst- INFP/ENFJ Best xSTP

A good rule of thumb is...if that person tells everyone their personal business-why would yours be the exception?


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## Strelnikov (Jan 19, 2018)

jetser said:


> ENTJ. Except that they will do it purposely.




The thing is I usually do this: I might say the thing, the information, but don't reveal my sources. So you won't hear "Bob did X", but "I know someone who did X" Also, if told that certain information is secret, I will keep it or maybe reveal it to people who have nothing to do with it. Like telling my best friend about people she doesn't know at all. I usually keep my friend groups separate (I think most of them have only met each other once or twice) and only my best friend knows all of them, but they're not friends between them.


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