# Any single guys over 30 here?



## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Are there any single guys on PerC who are over 30, available, have a steady career and DON'T live with their parents?
Oh, and aren't psycho. Lol

Seems hard to find... :-(


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## La Li Lu Le Lo (Aug 15, 2011)

Check back with me in about 11 years.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

La Li Lu Le Lo said:


> Check back with me in about 11 years.



Umm.... too bad you'll still be 11 years behind.


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## Kore (Aug 10, 2012)

Your name reminds me of Pulp Fiction and it amuses me that you said "Oh and aren't psycho." :tongue:






There are men that fit your description on this forum, whether they will reply to a thread such as this, I do not know.


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## m73m95 (Aug 25, 2012)

31, divorced, parent, career, home, and domesticated (Partying days are over).



What can I do for you?


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## lastman (Apr 25, 2012)

Yup. But I live at home. Never felt a real need to move out. Im lonely enough, I need at least a few people around, otherwise I may do something.... bad. Like go crazy.

Yup. I am a failure to launch, I guess. Oh well


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

airotciV said:


> Your name reminds me of Pulp Fiction



...Yeah I get that a lot. That wasn't what I had in mind when I chose that username though. Ah well.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

m73m95 said:


> 31, divorced, parent, career, home, and domesticated (Partying days are over).



Nice. How many kids do you have?


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

lastman said:


> Yup. But I live at home. Never felt a real need to move out. Im lonely enough, I need at least a few people around, otherwise I may do something.... bad. Like go crazy.
> 
> Yup. I am a failure to launch, I guess. Oh well




Hmm..... INTP. Explains it all. ;-P (kidding!)


So why never get your own place? Does your Mom still clean up after you and cook your meals, etc?


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## lastman (Apr 25, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Hmm..... INTP. Explains it all. ;-P (kidding!)
> 
> 
> So why never get your own place? Does your Mom still clean up after you and cook your meals, etc?


Never felt the need to. To redundant to do so. Did not make much sense to spend up to 1200 bucks a month on a house payment when, what, I would be living probably all alone. Yeah, I may be an introvert, but I need people around sometimes. I just work and for the most part hideout in the basement.

I am thinking about getting my own place, however. I am starting to put the pieces together to do so. Albeit slowly.


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## Cetanu (Jan 20, 2012)

I can be over 30 if you want me to be.


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## m73m95 (Aug 25, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Nice. How many kids do you have?


2 kids.


So, just out of pure curiosity.... What's the deal with this thread? What are your intentions? :happy:



You think we're hard to find? I've been looking for "someone" for 15 years. I'm beginning to wonder if its possible for INFJ's to have a true match.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Cetanu said:


> I can be over 30 if you want me to be.



Hahaha - Cetanu. Trying to troll my thread? :tongue:

Anyway, you're taken. Lol


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

@m73m95 - 

I have many purposes for this thread, in all honesty. But... I can't give that away now. It would ruin the responses. :wink:


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## castigat (Aug 26, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> But... I can't give that away now. It would ruin the responses. :wink:


Guys love the mysterious girls.
"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."
"Kill me, baby!"


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## lastman (Apr 25, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> @_m73m95_ -
> 
> I have many purposes for this thread, in all honesty. But... I can't give that away now. It would ruin the responses. :wink:


Uh oh...
Damn my naivety...


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

I guess this proves my point - they don't exist on PerC. Or I just posted on the wrong forum. Lol


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## Joseph (Jun 20, 2012)

My Uncle divorced, 38 years old with two kids. He's not on PerC though. He's an INTP or an ENTP, can't tell.


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## m73m95 (Aug 25, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> *I guess this proves my point - they don't exist on PerC*. Or I just posted on the wrong forum. Lol


HEY.... you just quoted me a few posts ago.... I'm nothing now? :tongue:


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

I'm working on moving out. I had to move back after a setback. 
I'm exactly 30, with no kids. I'm also not crazy.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Peripheral said:


> I'm working on moving out. I had to move back after a setback.
> I'm exactly 30, with no kids. I'm also not crazy.


You're not the only one, as the recession has caused people to have to move back. In March,



> The Pew Research Center released the findings of a recent report: Some 30 percent of Americans ages 25 to 34 have moved back in with their parents.


This recession has been something that no one other than a very few people have ever seen before, so it's resulted in changes that wouldn't be necessary under normal circumstances. Foreclosures, people losing their jobs, high unemployment rates, etc., has made it hard on people.


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## Flash FM (Aug 31, 2012)

I'm fairly certain that a psychopath wouldn't admit to being so.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Are there any single guys on PerC who are over 30, available, have a steady career and DON'T live with their parents?
> Oh, and aren't psycho. Lol
> 
> Seems hard to find... :-(


sorry I'm 30, live at home with parents paying them rent and buying food(living there for mainly financial reasons. I cook and take care of my self and help with the dogs. would prefer to live on my own or room mate with friends but previous jobs made that very impossible), no career but works at whole foods(best paying job so far with the exception of repairing some peoples computers.), and I am a geek/nerd with above average intelligence. In some peoples opinions I am a psycho even though I don't do any harm to others, quiet, and always plays as a paragon in mass effect(as opposed to renegade who are the violent shoot first people).

I would imagine stable career part would be hard to find in this recession.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

JoetheBull said:


> I would imagine stable career part would be hard to find in this recession.


The recession's been hard on relationships as well. The place my brother worked went belly-up, a casualty to the recession, and everyone was laid off. His girlfriend promptly dumped him.


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

Way to come out and boldly state exactly what every single woman over 30 on this forum (or anywhere) is thinking!!! Props 



Hunny Bunny said:


> Are there any single guys on PerC who are over 30, available, have a steady career and DON'T live with their parents?
> Oh, and aren't psycho. Lol
> 
> Seems hard to find... :-(


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## Introspiritual (Mar 12, 2010)

The vast majority of people on this forum are under 25, from memory; so just the age pool you're looking for will make things scarce.

And even if we have stable careers and a place of our own, and are available... by the time you hit 40, everyone's a little bit psycho.


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## m73m95 (Aug 25, 2012)

Cherubic Rogue said:


> Way to come out and boldly state exactly what every single woman over 30 on this forum (or anywhere) is thinking!!! Props


Well, I'm not sure if I believe that....

I think I'm a pretty good catch.... I have my own home in a very nice neighborhood, car, job. I'm very stable. Not a douche bag....

And I'll be damned if I can find a girl that I connect with, or that wants to connect with me


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Intergalacticus said:


> I'm fairly certain that a psychopath wouldn't admit to being so.


Who knows, you might disagree after seeing this talk: Jon Ronson: Strange answers to the psychopath test | Video on TED.com


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

Unfortunately, the majority of women are even crazier than the men they're complaining about. That's just my two cents.

I'm not implying that women on the whole are crazier than men, but the women who complain the most are usually dating one jerk after another after another, and putting the nice guys in the 'friend zone.'

I'm a woman, so I hope nobody takes this to heart!! I'm guilty ..as much as anyone else. That being said, I have a long history of dating close friends & no history of dating strangers, and I don't believe in "the friend zone" unless you've known a guy since you were little kids and he's like your brother. O



m73m95 said:


> Well, I'm not sure if I believe that....
> 
> I think I'm a pretty good catch.... I have my own home in a very nice neighborhood, car, job. I'm very stable. Not a douche bag....
> 
> And I'll be damned if I can find a girl that I connect with, or that wants to connect with me


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

m73m95 said:


> HEY.... you just quoted me a few posts ago.... I'm nothing now? :tongue:



You know I haven't forgotten about you. I gotta rock the boat, you know? roud:


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## Inev1t4bl3 (Jul 20, 2010)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Are there any single guys on PerC who are over 30, available, have a steady career and DON'T live with their parents?
> Oh, and aren't psycho. Lol
> 
> Seems hard to find... :-(


Single ... with no kids or exes. Check
Over 30... 36ish, but look late 20's early 30's. Check
Have a steady career.... I have two actually. Check
Don't live with my parents... Have not done so since the week I turned 18. Packed my own bags. Check
aren't psycho... Well, you can't have everything you want in life...


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

Well hai there.

Single and available, in my 30s, have been gainfully employed and ladder climbing in the corporate world since I left school, with short breaks for further education to push myself further, have strong ties to my beloved family but moved out of home at 17 to claim my independence, emotionally mature (for a NT anyway), mentally balanced, physically fit, respectful of others, easy to get along with, delightfully sexy Aussie accent, wildly adventurous lover.

Just one small thing... 

_There's always got to be a hitch._

Good hunting @Hunny Bunny :wink:


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

@Inev1t4bl3

Sounds good. Would you care to share more about yourself with all the ladies who want to know? :wink:


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Sonny said:


> Just one small thing...
> 
> _There's always got to be a hitch._


Very funny. :dry:

Yeah... I know what the hitch is, damn you. Lol :frustrating:


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## Agni (Jan 5, 2012)

_-Over 30 (check)
-Available(check)
-Have a steady career( a bit shaky at the moment) and DON'T live with their parents (check)_
_-Oh, and aren't psycho (check)

God damn, that steady career.. Stupid recession_


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

This is depressing. So much to look forward to!


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Jwing24 said:


> This is depressing. So much to look forward to!


Maybe it's the forum? I'm in the 30+ crowd and all the men I know are gainfully working and living on their own. 

However, this economy has affected everyone in one way or another.

Correct me if I'm wrong @Hunny Bunny, but I didn't think the OP was referring to men who befell hard times and had to move in with others for temporary reprieve. I thought it had more to do with finding an independent person who has cut the apron strings.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Maybe it's the forum? I'm in the 30+ crowd and all the men I know are gainfully working and living on their own.



Willing to introduce me to your crowd at all? :wink:




pinkrasputin said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong Hunny Bunny, but I didn't think the OP was referring to men who befell hard times and had to move in with others for temporary reprieve. I thought it had more to do with finding an *independent person* who has *cut the apron strings*.



BINGO.


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## Agni (Jan 5, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> However, this economy has affected everyone in one way or another.


Tell me about it. I'm going to be sacked in the end of December and now I need to find a new job.
But before I can do that I need to figure out if I want to stay in this country or move somewhere else. As a country this place where I live is quite nice but I can't stand the mentality of most of my countrymen.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Are there any single guys on PerC who are over 30, available, have a steady career and DON'T live with their parents?
> Oh, and aren't psycho. Lol
> 
> Seems hard to find... :-(


I can always lie about my age.

I can also say that age doesn't matter, because it doesn't.

I can also say that if I really was over 30 with a steady career, I'm not sure I'd be on an Internet forum trawling for love lol.

Good luck though


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

I was right with you until the "not psycho" part.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

SlowPoke68 said:


> I was right with you until the "not psycho" part.


No kidding. Shoo! :tongue:


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

Hunny Bunny said:


> These days it seems like too many couples get "enmeshed" with each other and don't have their own lives, and lose their independence.


True, that's happening just too much. Because my age, most of my friends already got married or are actually getting married and most... are buying their wife and others are being bought, very few are actually making things together. It is sad.

I enjoyed your post, you sound happy, very happy, keep it that way!!!!


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## A Little Bit of Cheeze (Apr 21, 2012)

Shinji Mimura said:


> Not every girl cares for age ;P


Yeah. That's why I'm here, creepin' on all the older guys. :crazy:


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Umm.... too bad you'll still be 11 years behind.


What's wrong with dating a younger man. Often times, the more mature, younger males are those who are left out by peers their age, in favor of the more immature assholes who slither lies in their words just to get what they want. Nobody likes true, humble men. The ones who truly do not request anything back instead of those who speak of asking nothing in return. I find the idea of dating an older woman fascinating, so you shouldn't be so quick to limit yourself.


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

@Hunny Bunny You are hot, warm, and outgoing. Surely there is some guy out there whose fanny you're tickling. Also, his fancy.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Premium G said:


> What's wrong with dating a younger man. Often times, the more mature, younger males are those who are left out by peers their age, in favor of the more immature assholes who slither lies in their words just to get what they want. Nobody likes true, humble men. The ones who truly do not request anything back instead of those who speak of asking nothing in return. I find the idea of dating an older woman fascinating, so you shouldn't be so quick to limit yourself.



I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. In fact, it's not even really about age but about experience, independence, maturity, etc. Someone who has lived on their own and who has had to budget and pay their own bills has a different perspective on life over someone who has never had to worry about such things.
Someone who doesn't have someone cooking for them every night and has to figure it out how to cook for themselves because it's too expensive to eat out everyday is going to have a different perspective on life than someone who has all their meals "magically" appear three times a day without having to lift a finger. 

Am I making any sense to anyone?


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Hunny Bunny said:


> I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. In fact, it's not even really about age but about experience, independence, maturity, etc. Someone who has lived on their own and who has had to budget and pay their own bills has a different perspective on life over someone who has never had to worry about such things.
> Someone who doesn't have someone cooking for them every night and has to figure it out how to cook for themselves because it's too expensive to eat out everyday is going to have a different perspective on life than someone who has all their meals "magically" appear three times a day without having to lift a finger.
> 
> Am I making any sense to anyone?


The sense is crystal clear. In fact, many people can be multi-faceted; however, some people operate better as a focused being. I can cook like a champ, thanks to my degree, which included some culinary experience. I am creative, and fun... Sometimes, I have considered becoming Mr. Mom a fascinating and applicable option for me... but who knows, I am only 22, trying to make my way into cheese-making.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

MegaTuxRacer said:


> @Hunny Bunny You are hot, warm, and outgoing. Surely there is some guy out there whose fanny you're tickling. Also, his fancy.




Aw, thanks Tuxy. I thought you were going to say "hot, warm, cold" :laughing:


Also, just to be clear - it's not like I'm desperate or anything. There are always many offers and suitors, but I've come to a point in my life where I realize that I deserve to get what I want instead of settle. And I don't think there's anything wrong with putting what I want out there. Plus I'm always so curious as to what kind of people are here on PerC. Many interesting people to get to know here and the fun never ends! :happy:


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

*reading the thread with interest, sharing a glass of Grand Marnier and a plate of antipasto with @pinkrasputin*

@Hunny Bunny - regarding "not psycho"...you realize that your mileage might vary? Even given becoming independent and cutting the apron-strings, people can still have some strange kinks upstairs. I'm still exhuming and dealing with mine, an ongoing and often-disheartening process.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Yardiff Bey said:


> Hunny Bunny - regarding "not psycho"...you realize that your mileage might vary? Even given becoming independent and cutting the apron-strings, people can still have some strange kinks upstairs. I'm still exhuming and dealing with mine, an ongoing and often-disheartening process.



Yep, I know. It was kinda more of a joke than anything else or a way to keep things kinda light. :laughing:


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## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

Premium G said:


> The sense is crystal clear. In fact, many people can be multi-faceted; however, some people operate better as a focused being. I can cook like a champ, thanks to my degree, which included some culinary experience. I am creative, and fun... Sometimes, I have considered becoming Mr. Mom a fascinating and applicable option for me... but who knows, I am only 22, trying to make my way into cheese-making.


Aside from the points that Hunny Bunny noted, I think that most people in their early 20s are still trying to find their way in life. I know that I was when I was your age. I am only a few months short of 30, but the things that I value in others and what I want for my life are very different from the things that I desired at 22. You change a lot in your twenties. _A lot_. That means that for the older person in the relationship, I think there can be a fear that they will invest themselves emotionally into someone that will say after a few years, "I've decided that this is not what I want". And this could be anything, from "I know I said I don't want kids, but..." to "I feel like I settled down to fast and never really got to enjoy being young". Essentially, when you're older and you date someone significantly younger, you're taking a risk because the person that you began the relationship with may be very different from the person standing before you five years later. 

This is not to say that things like this aren't a potential risk in any given relationship, but if you're a person in your 30s who would like to eventually find a life partner, beginning a relationship with a person in their early 20s is not generally a first choice.


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

this is a really interesting thread. i'll just comment to keep track of future replies.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

bromide said:


> the things that I value in others and what I want for my life are very different from the things that I desired at 22. You change a lot in your twenties. _A lot_. Essentially, when you're older and you date someone significantly younger, you're taking a risk because the person that you began the relationship with may be very different from the person standing before you five years later.
> 
> This is not to say that things like this aren't a potential risk in any given relationship, but if you're a person in your 30s who would like to eventually find a life partner, beginning a relationship with a person in their early 20s is not generally a first choice.



If I could thank this post any harder, I would.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

bromide said:


> Aside from the points that Hunny Bunny noted, I think that most people in their early 20s are still trying to find their way in life. I know that I was when I was your age. I am only a few months short of 30, but the things that I value in others and what I want for my life are very different from the things that I desired at 22. You change a lot in your twenties. _A lot_. That means that for the older person in the relationship, I think there can be a fear that they will invest themselves emotionally into someone that will say after a few years, "I've decided that this is not what I want". And this could be anything, from "I know I said I don't want kids, but..." to "I feel like I settled down to fast and never really got to enjoy being young". Essentially, when you're older and you date someone significantly younger, you're taking a risk because the person that you began the relationship with may be very different from the person standing before you five years later.
> 
> This is not to say that things like this aren't a potential risk in any given relationship, but if you're a person in your 30s who would like to eventually find a life partner, beginning a relationship with a person in their early 20s is not generally a first choice.


Correct. Something that I wish, now, I had thought of back then.

Cie la vrie, 8 years of life pretty-much wasted.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Are there any single guys on PerC who are over 30,


28 only ;(



> available,


I haven't actually decided yet.



> have a steady career and DON'T live with their parents?


Check and check!



> Oh, and aren't psycho. Lol


Oh no, I'm a complete psycho... so you'll look me up in 2 years then? *wink*

-------------

Good luck finding someone. I know a single guy my age who is responsible and handsome (last time I seen a pic of him), with a stable job, and his own house. Women don't like him because he's perceived as shy... or maybe they do like him but he never makes a move. He's an ISFJ is the main reason, they have to age before they gather up their confidence.

He's 28 and pretty much given up on the idea of having a girlfriend because he's never had one, and he lives in Australia... so if you happen to live in Adelaide or something like that, message me, I'll put you in contact with him.

Though be warned...
- He loves anime
- He plays WoW


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Thanks, but I live in the US. 

Plus, this thread isn't necessarily about me. It's a question I think some women might already be thinking but I had the guts to ask. Plus, it was kinda just something I noticed here on PerC. *shrug*


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

It's interesting to read your list of wants and desires as a thirty year old, hunnybunny, and compare them to the epic lists I would see from twenty year olds when I was doing the computer dating thing. 

A person someone would want to love/live with is probably best spotted by their ability to live somewhat independently. Having a steady career is probably a good marker of being able to be a team player.

For what it's worth, I currently don't qualify: Not single (not too surprising. a decent guy will generally get snapped up), living with the in-laws (while the kitchen is getting remodelled), and I'm fairly certain I'm loony.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

I've met a few guys in 29-35 age bracket who are single without any visible issues. All of them are workaholics who haven't devoted enough time to finding a partner and settling down but instead invested heavily into their schooling and career. All of them were logical types, generally distrustful of feelings and relationships.

I think if you are looking for a guy in that age bracket who is still single, no prior divorces, no children, and relatively sane, you're looking at a workaholic lot.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

bellisaurius said:


> Not single (not too surprising. a decent guy will generally get snapped up)


Am I missing something here? What is your secret?


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## vt1099ace (Jun 8, 2009)

I am, and may I add no kids, non-smoker, very very light drinker (A beer at home occationally), finacialy stable...but, I've been drug through hell and there are phyisical reminders....scars like a highway map of california, bad knee, feet/lower leg recieved some nerve damage awhile back in a auto wreck....oh, and ghosts/demons raoming the halls of my mind....in aggregate its like a form of PTSD

but, I've never been arrested, hit anyone, always 'toed the line', played by the rules and tried to live up to my personal standards (pretty high and I beat myself up if can't)....

and I'm and type 8, ISTP, scorpio, year of the tiger born.....and wondering how the heck I lived this long with out splatting myself against something because i was trying something I shouldn't of.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

I think it's funny how all kinds of posters add their own "details" of what _they_ think I'm looking for. 
For instance, I never said no kids or no divorces.

The assumptions can be quite hilarious.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

bellisaurius said:


> (not too surprising. a decent guy will generally get snapped up), living with the in-laws (while the kitchen is getting remodelled), and I'm fairly certain I'm loony.


What exactly is a "decent" guy? 

Sometimes I wonder why the "All the good ones are taken" stereotype even exists. It just sounds superstitious to me. There's nothing to back it up and yet people continue to believe it.

Personally, I would never in a million years make a "list" [especially a list of those who actually make them] and yet I've spent less time single than I've spent in a relationship.

Wait .. never mind. I just remember that I filled all of my ex's criteria ... Oh damn. She actually had a list now that I remember and told me once that one of the main reasons why she married me was because I had all the characteristics she was looking for. Not surprisingly, money was at the top of her list. And she left when my disability reduced the amount of money I made as well as effected my potency.


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## infpaul (May 2, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> I think it's funny how all kinds of posters add their own "details" of what _they_ think I'm looking for.
> For instance, I never said no kids or no divorces.
> 
> The assumptions can be quite hilarious.


I'm guessing you've never had a relationship with someone who's divorced and/or has children then?


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Jawz said:


> Sometimes I wonder why the "All the good ones are taken" stereotype even exists. It just sounds superstitious to me. There's nothing to back it up and yet people continue to believe it..


It's really a sour grapes rationalization, but I've been waiting a decent portion of my life to use that line from the other side (ie sorry ladies, belli's taken..), so there was no way I was letting it go. 

Oh, and women do totally make lists. It amazes me how rational they are about it. For us, I think it's like "Seems interesting. Let's try." I'm sure, that in practice, that's how women start, but if they get a chance to think, then it's all nailed down and organized.


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Premium G said:


> Am I missing something here? What is your secret?


I wanted to post because I thought I had an interesting line of thought. The last paragraph was just me having fun.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

bellisaurius said:


> For us, I think it's like "Seems interesting. Let's try."


Yeah, that's the approach I've been using all these years, and it isn't working. :laughing:

What's funny is that I'm very logical and rational in all other areas of my life, and later in relationships, but in the beginning it's all _Hey, dating that big biker guy/bisexual artist/jobless musician seems like a great idea!_


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

bellisaurius said:


> It's really a sour grapes rationalization, but I've been waiting a decent portion of my life to use that line from the other side (ie sorry ladies, belli's taken..), so there was no way I was letting it go.
> 
> Oh, and women do totally make lists. It amazes me how rational they are about it. For us, I think it's like "Seems interesting. Let's try." I'm sure, that in practice, that's how women start, but if they get a chance to think, then it's all nailed down and organized.


You do realize, it is completely healthy to make lists, right? 

I had a very good therapist who specialized in domestic violence, who had me and others create lists of what we want in a potential partner. It is nice and even empowering to have standards and knowing what you want and don't want, instead of just finding yourself involved with someone you didn't mean to be with. It's a way of putting you in charge of your life. 

And lol. You must be a "good one", then?

Not all of them are taken, however. There are "displaced husbands" out there- good men who love marriage and never intended to find themselves single again. My sister has found her life partner with a widower. My current guy was married for 28 years, was happy, but his ex just grew tired and filed for divorce. "Playing the field" is not these men's comfort zone, a committed relationship is.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> You do realize, it is completely healthy to make lists, right?
> 
> I had a very good therapist who specialized in domestic violence, who had me and others create lists of what we want in a potential partner. It is nice and even empowering to have standards and knowing what you want and don't want, instead of just finding yourself involved with someone you didn't mean to be with. It's a way of putting you in charge of your life.


I have a mental list now, but I may put more thought into it...I'll admit I'm pretty uneasy about dating now. I just ended a six-year on/off relationship. The three men with whom I've had long-term relationships share some traits and behaviors that I just can't live with, yet I seem to keep choosing those types. I'm not sure why, but I want it to stop.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

infpaul said:


> I'm guessing you've never had a relationship with someone who's divorced and/or has children then?



Wrong. Plus, I am divorced and have a child.


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## infpaul (May 2, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Wrong. Plus, I am divorced and have a child.


Gotta admire you for not having been put off by the extra complications that come with others' children and ex marital partners then, doubly so for attempting it with a child too....kudos!


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## vt1099ace (Jun 8, 2009)

Hunny Bunny said:


> I think it's funny how all kinds of posters add their own "details" of what _they_ think I'm looking for.
> For instance, I never said no kids or no divorces.
> 
> The assumptions can be quite hilarious.


sounds like a personal add i know.....but it is me in summary, not embelished or padded or downplayed. I am what i am scars, ghosts and all the stuff from life experiences from good chioces and boneheaded ones and ones that seemed good at the time but ended up as boneheaded moves.....except the kids or wife (or even an ex)...that's one experience that seems to keep eluding me.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

bellisaurius said:


> I think it's like "Seems interesting. Let's try." I'm sure, that in practice, that's how women start, but if they get a chance to think, then it's all nailed down and organized.


Lol  

For me it's like this: 

"I like you. Let's be friends and take it from there."

I must've friendzoned at least half a dozen girls before finally settling for my ex.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

bellisaurius said:


> Oh, and women do totally make lists. It amazes me how rational they are about it. For us, I think it's like "Seems interesting. Let's try." I'm sure, that in practice, that's how women start, but if they get a chance to think, then it's all nailed down and organized.


I'm a guy, I have a list as well. Probably the ISTJ in me.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Yardiff Bey said:


> I'm a guy, I have a list as well. Probably the ISTJ in me.


I didn't pay attention to having a list before I jumped into my first marriage. It backfired and ended in a divorce. 

I did sub-consciously make a very, very huge and complex list after the divorce. Not related to ethnicity or appearance, but close to 40-50 items around emotional and sexual compatibility .... I was pretty much inflexible in the area of sexual compatibility after the divorce. It was either I find someone who's almost 100% sexually and emotionally compatible, or no one at all.


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## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

I don't have a list, but I know what I want and I know what I want to avoid. I thought that most people (who have been in a fair amount of relationships) generally knew what they wanted or wouldn't tolerate when it came to potential romantic partners without having to resort to writing those things down.


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## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> I think it's funny how all kinds of posters add their own "details" of what _they_ think I'm looking for.
> For instance, I never said no kids or no divorces.
> 
> The assumptions can be quite hilarious.


Hm...you never said anything about it, but the Tiramisu I make is truly divine...:kitteh:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

infpaul said:


> Gotta admire you for not having been put off by the extra complications that come with others' children and ex marital partners then, doubly so for attempting it with a child too....kudos!


In many ways, when you have a child it's easier to be with someone who also has a child and understands those demands and the unconditional love for a child.

In addition, I'm such a child, it helps to be in a relationship with someone who has a paternal, patient heart. :tongue:


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Hunny Bunny said:


> I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. In fact, it's not even really about age but about experience, independence, maturity, etc. Someone who has lived on their own and who has had to budget and pay their own bills has a different perspective on life over someone who has never had to worry about such things.


Yeah, I agree... I tend not to be into men my age as much (because they seem more entrenched and with more in common with the Boomer gen), but I have to be careful with younger men because I've been through a lot of life experience (been married, raised children, gone through divorce, had a few career bounces, etc.) and it can be quite a gap from someone who is younger and has never had to deal with family or kids or totally had to rework their lives.

The degree you are describing, of course, is even larger -- with someone living in his parents' home and sometimes being taken care of to an even larger degree. There is something to be said about living on your own that is some work to achieve but also liberating and giving additional life perspective. And of course, then there's less chance of dealing with expectations of being someone's caretaker.

(Note: Not talking about those who just live with others out of economic necessity or caring for elderly parents, etc.... sometimes people have a good reason for pursuing that road.)




bromide said:


> Aside from the points that Hunny Bunny noted, I think that most people in their early 20s are still trying to find their way in life. I know that I was when I was your age. I am only a few months short of 30, but the things that I value in others and what I want for my life are very different from the things that I desired at 22. You change a lot in your twenties. _A lot_. That means that for the older person in the relationship, I think there can be a fear that they will invest themselves emotionally into someone that will say after a few years, "I've decided that this is not what I want". And this could be anything, from "I know I said I don't want kids, but..." to "I feel like I settled down to fast and never really got to enjoy being young". Essentially, when you're older and you date someone significantly younger, you're taking a risk because the person that you began the relationship with may be very different from the person standing before you five years later.
> 
> This is not to say that things like this aren't a potential risk in any given relationship, but if you're a person in your 30s who would like to eventually find a life partner, beginning a relationship with a person in their early 20s is not generally a first choice.


GREAT point.



cyamitide said:


> I've met a few guys in 29-35 age bracket who are single without any visible issues. All of them are workaholics who haven't devoted enough time to finding a partner and settling down but instead invested heavily into their schooling and career. All of them were logical types, generally distrustful of feelings and relationships.
> 
> I think if you are looking for a guy in that age bracket who is still single, no prior divorces, no children, and relatively sane, you're looking at a workaholic lot.


I'm not sure I agree about everyone in that bracket, but I think your words should be noted because it's a viable risk.

....

I can't find the post where someone threw out the "why don't women like nice guys" argument, and I need to bitch about it for a moment.

There is nothing wrong with being a "nice" guy. (In fact, I am proud to be generally viewed as a "nice" woman.)

But just because someone is "nice" doesn't mean you are compatible with them. Being in an LTR with a "nice" person can actually be hell (either gender) if you have little in common and are just basically maintaining a roommate without any personal chemistry. I don't think being "nice" is enough for a committed relationship. 

I just dated a guy twice and ended it; he was actually a really nice guy, and we even shared some common interests, but I just felt nothing between else, I didn't find myself attracted to him or interested.

In fact, sometimes "nice" -- if it's contrived -- can be worse than "raw" because you don't get any of the spark of someone acting in the moment; he was overly polite, and I found him more interesting on occasion (not enough to continue dating, but still more interesting) when he would go on a mini-rant because then I felt like I was hearing his actual thoughts and something he cared about vs trying to be safe all the time.

Anyway, "nice" isn't a bad thing, but it typically isn't the only thing.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Jawz said:


> Wait .. never mind. I just remember that I filled all of my ex's criteria ... Oh damn. She actually had a list now that I remember and told me once that one of the main reasons why she married me was because I had all the characteristics she was looking for. Not surprisingly, money was at the top of her list. And she left when my disability reduced the amount of money I made as well as effected my potency.


 That just stinks. And especially that it was all there on her list, but one would have hoped that at that point, she had become more attached to you than your earning power. I mean, it can be a hard choice when you care about someone who can't contribute resources, but when you're actually married, you'd think at that point it becomes more about, "okay, time to just commit and make it work, together."

I'm a P. I have a list, but it's always a "fudge list" or work in progress. I've found that people can fit the list, but there still might not be anything there, and frankly if someone is really strong in some areas, I don't want their failure to meet one item on the list negate them altogether. So it's a "working list," I guess, to make sure I'm on the right track.

But I just saw a guy twice who fit the concrete items on my list, yet even through e-mail I just felt there was no vibe, and then I met him in person twice and there was no vibe, so I told him so and he just disappeared. Oh well. And it wasn't like we didn't have a lot of common interests or couldn't talk about lots of "things" (we talked non-stop). I found him interesting enough to be friends, but had no romantic interest in him.

So to me that is the danger of lists. The lists can help me quantify what I'm looking for, but the truth is that I can intuit/feel it when I meet someone, as to whether it's going to have a chance at working.


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## infpaul (May 2, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> In many ways, when you have a child it's easier to be with someone who also has a child and understands those demands and the unconditional love for a child.
> 
> In addition, I'm such a child, it helps to be in a relationship with someone who has a paternal, patient heart. :tongue:


Yes that makes perfect sense, I suppose I've come from a place where my patient heart was not appreciated...apologies for the bias!


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

Jennywocky said:


> I can't find the post where someone threw out the "why don't women like nice guys" argument, and I need to bitch about it for a moment.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with being a "nice" guy. (In fact, I am proud to be generally viewed as a "nice" woman.)
> 
> ...


Exactly. Too often, "nice" is just a shell to hide the raw realness underneath. I show the rawness at times.


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## J Squirrel (Jun 2, 2012)

I find this thread way more amusing than I should.
*subscribe*


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

J Squirrel said:


> I find this thread way more amusing than I should.
> *subscribe*


And _*why*_ is that? :wink:


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## J Squirrel (Jun 2, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> And _*why*_ is that? :wink:


Not sure. It just is. Do I need a reason?


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

J Squirrel said:


> Not sure. It just is. Do I need a reason?



If you're going to post on my thread, you absolutely need a reason. roud:


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Anyone else want to step up to the plate?


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Anyone else want to step up to the plate?


Well... I thought I did 

Then again, I am just a young, needy, shy male. roud:


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## vt1099ace (Jun 8, 2009)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Anyone else want to step up to the plate?


What the heck... (ready mudville?) I'll step up and be casey at bat....maybe I can score! is that reason enough? :wink:


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## lhebakshyla (Oct 8, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Are there any single guys on PerC who are over 30, available, have a steady career and DON'T live with their parents?
> Oh, and aren't psycho. Lol
> 
> Seems hard to find... :-(


I am not over 30. But I match the rest of your list.

I don't live in the US... I love traveling too much. I am a global nomad.

I also don't want monogamy, so if casual sex and passion is what you want, feel free to reach out. We'll have to pick out rendezvous spots all over the globe, though!


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## J Squirrel (Jun 2, 2012)

Fine, I'll bite:
No
Soon.
Yes to the rest of the middle ones.
Jury's still out on the last one. :wink:


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Anyone feel bold enough to message me some pics? (G-rated only, thanks)


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## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Anyone feel bold enough to message me some pics? (G-rated only, thanks)


I'll message a picture of my Tiramisu. :dry:


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Anyone feel bold enough to message me some pics? (G-rated only, thanks)


My pics are in my profile albums. :tongue:


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## Laney (Feb 20, 2012)

Totes looked^


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## J Squirrel (Jun 2, 2012)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Anyone feel bold enough to message me some pics? (G-rated only, thanks)


I drew you a picture of me:


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

J Squirrel said:


> I drew you a picture of me:



Wow, that's very.... helpful. 




Lol


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Anyone feel bold enough to message me some pics? (G-rated only, thanks)













If you like, we can meet at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day?

I may have my boyfriend, but hey- we could all go and get like cheese cake or something.


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## infpaul (May 2, 2012)

why is it all the foxy forum users are on the other side of the ocean?





pinkrasputin said:


> If you like, we can meet at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day?
> 
> I may have my boyfriend, but hey- we could all go and get like cheese cake or something.


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

Hunny Bunny said:


> Anyone feel bold enough to message me some pics? (G-rated only, thanks)


I'll send you one.

P.S: You're pretty, by the way.


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