# Feel like I'm falling behind in life



## Empress Appleia Cattius XII (Dec 22, 2010)

I turned 20 this year, and recently I've been thinking over where I'm going in life, etc etc.
One thing that stands out is how far behind and childlike I feel compared to my peers. While I'm headed for life in my 20s, I feel like I'm firmly planted at about 15. I also think that most family members would agree. When I was younger, people would often tell me that I was set up for a bright future and I feel disappointed in myself for losing track of things so badly. 

Everyone else is going forward in life, getting jobs, having children, getting a degree at university and travelling the world. All I've done is drop out of sixth form 3 times, end up unemployed and hop from house to house with the same couple of friends (I doubt this will last long as they both have goals for the future that I wouldn't want for myself). I know I go to too many parties/ make potentially bad decisions on nights out, and while I'm happy at the time, I crash when I return home. Sometimes I stay out for days. I feel depressed and stuck in a rut, completely direction-less. 

I spend my spare time sketching and writing, usually fantasy creations, and it's what I enjoy the most at the moment. Also, it's always been my dream to travel everywhere-I don't think I want to remain in England. Finally, I know I want to be involved with people in some way.

I think deep down I have a fear of settling down with a normal job/long term relationship, I really don't think this is what I want out of life, but I'm sick of having no purpose. I just don't know what I want.

Not entirely sure what I'm aiming for with this post, but it feels nice to write it down. 
I suppose I would like to hear from people in a similar situation, or from older members who have passed such a phase in their lives.


----------



## Witch of Oreo (Jun 23, 2014)

I know exactly how this feels. I'm 22 right now, but I feel like I haven't changed at all since I was 16 y.o. - even my appearance didn't change one bit.
To be honest, I already admitted it - I don't want a "normal" life. I don't want to settle down, have a family/children, "proper" 5-9 corporate slavery job, etc. I feel like that's when I would stop completely, losing any real meaning in life. I still have lots of things I want to do, I also want to travel, etc, etc... I could go on about my plans forever. It's just not the right time for me to settle down.
So, what I think is - just let things flow for now. You said you liked sketching and writing? Well, it's great to have something you enjoy. Put more effort into developing your tallent, if that's what you truly love.
Not sure this post will be helpful (likely not), but you are most certainly not alone in this.


----------



## agspath (Oct 27, 2014)

“Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time. The only way to fail at life is to abstain.”
― Johanna de Silentio 

"Nothing will ruin your 20s more than thinking you should already have your life together already.”

I don't quite know who you are and what you are meant to do, but i do know that in these past 16 years of my life, if there is one lesson i learned, it is that:THERE IS NO WAY TO FAIL AT LIVING YOUR LIFE

Just take a deep breath and live. 



_I apologize if that is really bad advice._


----------



## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

I can understand this feeling and I feel similar too. One of the things I am trying to do is to not compare where I am in life to others because I am not them and my journey will not be the same as theirs and I need to grow at my own pace. Another thing I am trying to learn to deal with is my fear of not being good enough and being looked down for it. I think I'm scared of being useless to the point that I limit my own usefulness. I also want to travel a lot too  but, I know, for me, my fears and anxieties (and my ability to find ways to tune them out) are what is holding me back. The only advice I can give is to try and not worry about being a failure or what is the "perfect" job and to just try and take a risk. If you are scared of having a "normal" job forever, them maybe you could try a part time job, lets say 20 hours a week, and use the other 20 hours that you get from not working a full time job, to go out and create you dream job or to try new things and learn about yourself. It might be worth the try.


----------



## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

That frog is hypnotic. XD 20 years old, you are still so young. Some people don't even consider you an adult until you reach 21, for alcohol wise. You have your whole life ahead of you!


----------



## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

I'm 20 as well and fear settling down. What personally helped bring me motivation to job search is a bit of philosophy. In fact, you'll like it. It is the very act of not settling down. With your friends gone, you can start fresh in this lifestyle. Your body is made up of mostly water, right? Well you see other peoples water flowing steady and directed. And you feel your flow isn't flowing. But your flow IS flowing.. Only in all directions. Other people are like rivers but you have multiple rivers pouring out from your center. Don't see getting a job as settling down on one river. Treat it like one of many of your beautiful rivers. Do EVERYTHING you want - not just one thing. Don't settle for being a creative writer. Don't settle for being fit. Do it all and be free in that way. The freedom will fuel you enough to suffer some and to enjoy the suffering - because it's a part of a bigger picture of you. You need freedom. Never settle and never stop moving. A job isn't a commitment and you hobestly don't need to fully commit to one career. I'm writing a book, learning the piano, getting fit, working jobs, and will continue to have ambitions endlessly as I age. My goal is to do whatever. I'm not looking for a home in the world, I'm making it my home.


----------



## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

i'm 24 and i'm pretty sure that feeling never goes away.

with me, i've spent days homeless...so..

i mean, you make a choice. 

do you want crappy life A, or crappy life B?

then you find a girl and see how that goes.

divorced at 45! i'm ready!


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

- Small steps.
- Not a race, do what fulfills you, not ticking boxes for milestones.
- I Feel the same way.
The End.


----------



## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

You still being VERY young. You are 20, you can study whatever thing you want and get any job. You didn't lost track of your life, you have also, a different process. You are not getting the same together with the people close to you, forget it.

Go slow and be secure of what you are doing of course. Everything will work with time.


----------



## Sirius Black (Sep 28, 2014)

_You're not compete with around you. But, you're competing with yourself. And you can be grateful for what you've been through, because it's for your good _

That's what I've read and I believe you have great potential. Maybe in this term, you don't know what exactly there are. Just do what you need to do and be grateful.
There's never a failure in your lifetime if you said it to yourself.


*Well, I'm in this phase like you too. And I believe, I must go to better place for myself. Don't give up and slow down for what you've done. There will be process to make you great


----------



## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

Don't worry about it. People grow up too fast. Live life and enjoy it. It's your life after all.

Don't do things just because you feel expected to do them.


----------



## HumanBeing (May 28, 2014)




----------



## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

20?! I'm 23, work more than 50 hours a week wondering if this is what I want to invest myself in at a job that pays next to nothing, and still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. The biggest thing that really gets to me, and probably you as well, is not having a list of things you want to do that are attainable. 

When I was in college (boy so many things I miss about it) everything was almost handed to me (like "hey there's a study abroad trip coming up, save enough money and you can do it!") But in real life, you have to pursue things like that yourself and go on adventures. Some days won't be the best, and that's okay. Just as long as you have a small goal set, like "I'm going to explore somewhere new with friends or family, or make friends in the process" or even "I'm going to make a good dinner tonight", you'll feel a lot better about what you're doing in life. 

Life always has one destination, but the journey is what you decide to make of it.


----------



## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Well... you're 20, so I don't think anyone expects you to have settled down, have kids, have a degree, etc. I'm 20 and I don't have any of those (nor do I know anyone else my age who does). If you want to make a change, you still have some time.


----------



## Gentleman (Jun 14, 2014)

HumanBeing said:


>


I flopped at the High School part.


----------



## marbleous (Feb 21, 2014)

Empress Appleia Cattius XII said:


> I spend my spare time sketching and writing, usually fantasy creations, and it's what I enjoy the most at the moment. Also, it's always been my dream to travel everywhere-I don't think I want to remain in England. Finally, I know I want to be involved with people in some way.
> 
> I think deep down I have a fear of settling down with a normal job/long term relationship, I really don't think this is what I want out of life, but I'm sick of having no purpose. I just don't know what I want.


From what it sounds like, you are developing a lot of your hobbies and personal skills that you will be able to take with you for the rest of your life!! Your own personal haven. ^^ That is actually a very mature thing to do! You are learning how to make yourself happy which is a LONG-TERM skill!

It's totally normal to have those feelings!! I am about to finish school and I get those thoughts all of the time! It's like being on your period but with profound thoughts, every once in a while I will think stuff like, "what am I doing? Am I wasting my life? Where am I going? Will I find somebody to love? Will I follow my dreams or get stuck in a slave job? Ga[email protected]#U(!!" And it eventually passes over. You can find comfort in doing things that you definitely know you love. That's why people encourage having a hobby! Also, I worked for a corporation for half a year that had cubicles and everything and it was actually super fun. It really depends on the work environment! My coworkers all had a great sense of humor and we would joke around all of the time and have barbeques at each other's houses over the summer. They became like family. It was much, much better than I thought it would be. 

The fact that you are having these questions means you are motivated to a great life and improve yourself all the time. Powerful! I recommend taking some time to think about what you enjoy the most, like being involved with people. Once you've come up with those things, make little steps of how to incorporate them into your life and make a commitment to them. Your head is in the right place and great thoughts can come out of this state of mind. So be fear not, brave one!


----------



## Killionaire (Oct 13, 2009)

Options for INFP's: 

1. go to an asian country like Japan or Korea and teach English. 
2. instead of taking a worthless liberal arts type of major at college and then getting a dead-end job, go straight into a dead end job and save a ton of time & money and not be a debt slave for the rest of your life due to massive student loans. You probably won't be happy about the work, but at least you'll be productive and can take some pride in being employed, as well as have some cash. 
3. find a job taking care of babies or "special needs" children


----------



## Bassmasterzac (Jun 6, 2014)

You're young. Take it from me as I am also 20 years old and I did something similar to what you did. I've yet to start my career path and hold down a job or have a place to live. I hopped around a bit, lived in my truck off and on, went through many jobs, partied a lot, had my highs and my lows. I can't speak for your immaturity, but maybe you just feel that way because you are seeing others your age begin their lives. Hell, one of my buddies is getting married, he's younger than me! 

You need some direction, some motivation, and some structure. You're just blowing in the wind right now and deep down, you probably like it that way because you have no responsibility and no obligation, but you also know deep down that you need to change. That's a big part of growing up. 

Start with one step at a time - it's a gradual process. Also, if partying and escaping reality is keeping you from getting on track, just stop it. If you want to mature, you got to learn that, "You gotta do what ya gotta do." Even if it's shitty at times you got to pick your feet up and move on. The good news is that you have plenty of time to do this, so don't try to rush through life. Go at your own pace, but make sure you are making progress. You can't go anywhere spinning your wheels or going backwards.

Yeah


----------



## Empress Appleia Cattius XII (Dec 22, 2010)

I've kinda neglected this thread, oops!

I've read all your responses and will probably reply at some point, as there's some good points/advice being posted in this thread. Just writing this stuff down is making me feel better. Thanks everyone so far!


----------



## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Well i'm in my mid twenties - very old member here, suddenly decided to dip back in whilst I work stuff out in my life. You can see some of my story in another thread about grad school in the advice centre.

20 is nothing. I work with young people, and 1 in maybe 10/15 know what they want to do. From some backgrounds people just go into work or apprenticeships, from others, the onus is on whether to go to uni or not, given the cost etc. It seems for those that definitely know what they want to do, the cost isn't an issue and I agree with that.

You mention about not wanting to settle down or have a 9-5 corporate slave job, though I think that's not the issue and I don't think it ever is. What if I told you there was a great 9-5 corporate slave job that matched all your interests and passions and you got to use sketching and drawing as part of it? Might not be so daunting huh? Not all full time jobs are bad, and they aren't bad if you find one you like doing and perhaps that is the biggest challenge for ... well just about everyone it seems. I know people who just get up each day and go to work to pay the bills, which I think is perhaps a poor way to approach life and I often wonder how that happens in the first place, could be poor decisions, could be other factors that influence peoples lives. Some might just go into work after school, carry on, then move out, start paying bills, have a family and then before they know it they wake up and go 'ah got work tomorrow'. I don't often meet ANYONE that says 'yes got work tomorrow', which almost says something about our society I think. I wonder how many people are truly happy with their lives and their work and then that makes me wonder why a lot of people don't seem to change or do anything different. Maybe its because they didn't think things through, didn't know any better, had responsibilities etc. It just seems to be the thing that most give up on something they perhaps wanted to do for what seems like an average life.

I tell the young people I work with, try and balance realism, with doing something you enjoy, if you love your work, you don't care how many hours you're doing, whether it's 9 - 5 or not. 

Are we all going to be actors in hollywood? No, though your chances do increase if you move to LA, and then compete with everyone else out there, and if that doesn't work, well you might be able to find something else, where you can take acting and get paid to use those skills in a different way. For anyone that reads Joseph Campbell, he has a very similar story about an artist in one his books, and says how this artist could try and make work and then sell it, or be an art teacher, where at least they would be using their skills. Its in pathways to bliss and he adds real touches to it which make it better than how i'm explaining it. Recommend reading it.

I know of people my age who are married with children, and have a job, I know people older than me who aren't, or just have one or the other. I have friends who are working jobs, working in different countries, single, with a partner, etc and i've noticed there is a massive amount of variation and i've looked and gone, phh I dont have what these guys have and just now i'm wondering if thats even the point, its not common for people to just go into a job and that be their LIFE FOREVER, though most approach things that way, i've worked with colleagues who have lost jobs in the past and these days there are zero hours contracts, redundancies, etc, so even when you are doing well, or looking like you've 'settled down' into a 'normal adult life', it can still be taken away from you. Does that mean don't try? hmm maybe not. I have known people to just quit their jobs and go and live abroad, sometimes to work, sometimes not. As you get older and see and meet more people, you appreciate the complexity of life, and it does take a bit of the 'edge off'. You can be going crazy inside wondering if you are doing the right thing, trying to figure out your path, and then realise actually there isn't no RIGHT WAY to live, it might just be a matter of trying to sort yourself out and do what feels right for you or what works for you and find YOUR right way to live, which I bet won't be like others. Try not to compare to others, that is hard. I have many times thought about the things i've lost and wondered about the things I might never experience in my life time that i've seen other people do and that makes me wonder about our place in everything and kind of hope for reincarnation so I get a chance afterwards to have another go and be and try and do things I won't get to do in this life.

As an exercise I would say, pick someone you know who you look at and think 'i'm falling behind in life' and then imagine a scenario where theyy lost their job or whatever it is that makes you think they are 'ahead of you' and then see how you feel. they'd be 'back where you are at' it would just be that they have had a different set of experiences. 

What I can sa is that life does just go on, without you or with you, whether you feel you are living it or with it, or not. I have felt stuck for a long time, trying to figure out what to do with my life and weigh up pros and cons, and its really hard. I always say to those who aren't having that problem, just go with what you really want to do and what would really make you happy, no matter how irrational it might seem. It might be scary, you might not be able to do it. If you are stuck or at a crossroads like me, then the best you can do is to try and work out , what you think would work for you and make the best out of the situation you have. Which from experience I can say it isn't easy, especially if you are like me and wonder 'what could have been' a lot of the time.

I could ramble about this for hours. Might be better to ask me more specific questions and then I can give specific answers. I've tried my best from what I have read here so far. Hope it's helped.


----------

