# The Platinum Rule



## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

I am an 8. I value Truth (note the capital signifying my belief in the righteousness of my crusade).

The golden rule is to do unto others as we would have done to ourselves, and I know this to be a false prophet of truth. It is far better to do unto others as they wish. 

It is far easier for me to give the gift I want then the gift she wants. I fucked up.

Along the way she found lies in me. Lies I told myself and even mostly believed. And she knew them as inconsistencies. 

My words hurt her. I did not understand some things, and I was insensitive. When she told me her feelings were hurt, I did not listen. 

I did not listen, and empathize. I trivialized her feelings. I fucked up.

When I trivialized her feelings, it hurt her more. So far, she has come back, and explained to me how I hurt her. And eventually I listened. 

But I am still learning the depth and passion of her feelings, and I am learning what is important to her, and I'm learning her dreams. 

Sometimes I stumble over something which hurts her, and that is an honest mistake. I don't want to have to filter my words. If I start filtering my words, our relationship will be over, as one of the key things between us - openness, will be gone.

But what I can do is try to realize and learn what is important to her, and to realize the depth and passion of her feelings. She is beautiful, and passionate, and I love her, and I want to be a better person to be beside her.

I am being stretched by being near her, and I'm not even near her yet. I like how I'm being stretched. It feels. 

It fucking Feels. Some days it is the most powerful wonderful thing in the whole world. Some days I feel like shit, and I can feel her pain.

I don't want to cause her pain. She has had enough pain in her life, and because of the passion and intensity of how she lives she will have more pain. I will cause some of that pain, and I'm ashamed of the pain I may cause.

I hope I also bring joy to her life, and love, and friendship, and passion. And I hope the good I bring outweighs the pain.

I hope.

I am reviewing my mistakes as I want to learn. I am sorry to rehash it, and I don't know whether to share this with you or not. On the one hand, it is my truth. On the other hand, it might bring you pain by picking at old scabs.

But I need to write this out so I can sort my thoughts, and review it in a few days, and learn my lessons well. 

Don't ever underestimate the depth of her feelings again. Do not trivialize her feelings. Learn what she values, and try not to trod on those.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Too much, too soon. So many miscommunications. 

I hurt her, and I'm sorry for that. She took the time to help me understand a bit of my shortcomings, and I'm grateful for that.

I'm grateful for having her in my life. 

I put on 970 miles in 72 hours over the weekend. I sat on top of a mountain in probably the most remote place in the lower 48 states which is accessible by car. I thought of her. I wished she was there to see it with me.

In the vastness of the Idaho wilderness I realized how trivial I am. No one will remember me in 100 years, no one will remember her, no one will remember us. 

what does it matter? 

She has told me to let go in various ways, to give up my drive to predict, control, guide. 

It is hard. 

I have the need for reassurance, which is a vulnerability. Do I drive this vulnerability from my psyche? It limits me, it holds me, but it is a door, a hook, a wedge into my soul. 

I will leave the hook, and look at the wounded little boy and see what his needs and wants are.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

ripples, and waves............

I fell in lust with the idea of her. I met her, and feelings overwhelmed me, and I bolted. I fully expected her to tear my soul assunder like others have before her, like mom did growing up.

I had been vulnerable with her like no one ever before, and she knew my soul and could hurt me. Her feelings were horrible, she was hurt, and she never lashed at me, never hurt me, through all her anguish she tried to be kind. 

I grieved our relationship, our lust, our hope. May 1 we started talking, june 23 we met. June 26 it imploded. Short, passionate, white hot.

The flames should be gone now with only small embers to remember. We are still friends as we absolutely respect each other.

So here I sit six weeks later. And the waves are not whitecaps, but I still want her. I still respect her, and I still love her.

Feelings for her continue, and I'd like to talk to someone. And in this whole world there is only one person who can understand, who can be MY friend, who can help. 

And so I called her, and I warned her, and dumped my shit on her lap. And she accepted me, and listened to me, and shared a bit of her soul to keep the power balance even. 

And she helped me. 

It hurts. And that's ok.


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## burningsoul (Jun 23, 2012)

Yeah. That's what lies underneath all that rugged toughness. Do I need to be apologetic for being rude and crude to genuine emotion, expression and life situation? I think so. But I won't be. Deep down we are all of us so lost. And while I would have done anything to feel the way you have felt recently, I have ended up at the other end of this give and take. Other people have different psychic structures and in that everyone is vulnerable and everyone is protecting their vulnerabilities teeth and nails. That we should be grateful to those who allow us to become vulnerable and let bitterness towards those who attack our vulnerabilities be natural. And we should all be allowed that. But what when someone falls in love and gives one's vulnerabilities to another being altogether? That can liberate or it can destroy. In my case, it destroyed me. And I try to gather the pieces while slowly the meaning of destruction also vanishes leaving behind emptiness. And why is this emptiness causing despair? Because all that was possible, all that that could have happened, the better life, the perfect time, the elusive moment that could have been did not come to pass. It left the soul hungry and instincts lusting. One's interiority feels disgusting because the failure to become beautiful results in terrible ugliness. And then... and then it is only and only the soothing hand of sadness that can balm the irrepressible madness. Where in the whole world can I go and be sad for what I have lost? There is no such place. I have to keep it in my heart. Alive. And wait till I find another, or someone, to whom I would be able to share this.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Waves.....

I still love her. We've not talked for a month and a half as the feelings subside. I cannot live where she lives, she cannot move. 

Time helps, but I remember...... But do I remember the reality or the dream? Reality includes MY feelings, and her kindness, her passion, her love. 

The dream includes whether we could stand to be around each other over time without burning ourselves out.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Waves...........
I love her still. A very special lady who is part of my soul forever. Work sucks. Still some thought of how bad could where she lives be? None of my hobbies, friends, weather sucks, my life would be gone. But my kids have ties here for now. Weird thoughts. 

I know I'd have to move there, and make a new life, and then see if she is interested in even dating me. Such a small chance. 

We'll see how I feel in 6 months when the choices are real.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

dup post


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Time. Christmas came and went, new year, valentine day. 
I don't think of her every day now. The feelings of longing mostly gone, reality here. 
A tooth pulled, and vicoden, and I texted her, which lead to a phone call. She is good, happy, and we care for each other. 
But I have the longing under control. We joked, and it was easy, and we teased each other, and looked for raw nerves. I felt none in me, and she seemed easy and happy to hear from me. 

I care for her. I love her as a friend, perhaps more, and I hope we will be friends for a long time. 

I can look back, and remember the feelings, the good, the feeling of being LOVED by someone who understood much of me. I can look back and remember the bad feelings of hurt, and vulnerability, and I can remember how she ALWAYS tried to not hurt me. 
She knew my core, my soul, and she protected it even in her deepest anguish. 

She is a very kind person, and she knows me, and she loved me, and loves me still as a friend.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

More time. Fucking waves. I still love her. We talked the a couple of weeks ago, and obliquely she mentioned something which stuck. "There are too many obstacles between us. I have to figure out how to get on with my life."

Another person I barely know has an ongoing discussion with me. She asked me a question. "How is it that YOU were hurt by her?"
That's the point. She didn't hurt me. I got hurt. 
She tried ever so hard not to hurt me. I got hurt. 

and it was worth it.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Time flies. I still love her. I still care for her. I wish her the absolute best. 

And she has her life, and I have mine, and she knows I love her, and she knows I care. 

What more is there?


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