# Opposite types attract each other?



## JennyJukes (Jun 29, 2012)

I prefer:
T over F.
P over J.
I over E (I think my biggest conflicting factor in a relationship is having an extrovert partner).

I have no preference for S over N. So IxTP. 

I prefer:
Ti over Te.
Fe over Fi
Ne over Ni

I have no real preference for Si over Se .

So: xNTP or xSFJ. However as I already mentioned, I prefer introverts and P types, so I guess INTP fits the best? So yeah, opposite in terms of letters, but basically the same in terms of cognitive functions and introversion.


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## PiT (May 6, 2017)

I don't really have strong preferences in a mate, other than preferring an introvert over an extrovert. It is the case that my dates have always been F-types, though that is not a conscious choice on my part; for some reason I have consistently failed to court any interest from T-type women.

As for opposites, I dated an ESFP when I was in high school and it was a pretty decisive failure. She told me that I was boring and weird and that nobody would want me, which I believed to be true for years afterwards. I agree with @lifeinterminals; maturity is paramount to making this sort of relationship work.


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## Reila (Jan 17, 2017)

I want nothing with someone who is the opposite of me.


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## spaceynyc (Feb 18, 2017)

I notice people tend to date others who share the same judgement axis [not true for my personal relationship -- dating an Fi dominant] for the most part but I don't think there are any prophetic rules when it comes to typology and dating.


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## SirCanSir (Mar 21, 2018)

SummerRoads said:


> I think love can happen with all types but I definitely can understand the pull of opposites. I'm an ESFJ married to an INTP so we share the same functions but completely backwards. You mentioned as an ENTP you're the complete opposite of an ESFJ and I would just say this isn't entirely true. You actually share the same functions, just in a different order.
> 
> I totally get where that attraction and pull comes from and I'm here to say that these relationships can really work and push both individuals to grow. We've been married for several years now and have been dating way longer and we're still going strong and really appreciate each other. I will say though that these kind of pairings take a LOT of communication and forgiveness and understanding. Growing as a person isn't always easy or comfortable. Ha! There have been many growing pains in this relationship and hurt feelings and misunderstandings and we're just now really getting the hang of all of it and learning about MBTI has helped a lot to be honest.
> 
> ...


Well until now i havent really manipulated my ESFJs. because as i pointed in my post i understand them and i know the way to deal with them. And that is by being completely honest about them to the point they understand me. By doing that i give them what they want which is attention. I always go to my ESFJ friend when im in trouble, because he understands and our relationship is special because of that. He does the same, i somehow although i dont think im really that much trustworthy get a lot of trust. Because of that being fair and just, i cant really betray their feelings. So whenever im apathetic or something that is going to make them question me, i just explain how exactly i feel and never let things go down to hell on their own. If i feel bad about something, like not being understood by them ill seem more offensive because im not going to let this go until ive explained them everything in a way they can understand. Im actually good at finding each person loopholes, so i can translate my logic into emotion if i need to, at least thats what is going to seem to be doing by them. I dont consider that as manipulation, its just a way to solve stupid misunderstandings that not NTs might assume. 
As for manipulating, i dont like doing it conciously because i believe in freedom too much to allow myself to be that kind of person, but still i might use some people im not close with for trivial matters, especialy the ones i dont get good vibes from.


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## Fuzzystorm (Jun 18, 2014)

I could really be (and am) friends with any type(s). A lot of the friend groups I’ve been in have been mostly extroverts with two or three other introverts, which helps once we need a break from the loud ones, lol. I think I’ve mostly been friends with sensors just because there’s more of them. More feelers as well, at least in terms of close friendships. 

In terms of dating I tend to be attracted to EXXPs and EXFJs. Definitely E over I -- I need someone to coax me out of my shell -- though some ISFPs & maybe INTPs have been thrown in there. Can’t see myself dating an ESTJ to be honest, though I probably just have the worst stereotype of xSTJ in mind. I don’t know, it could happen - I’m not totally closed off to it.

I'm not sure if I buy much into typology compatibility recs, when it comes down to it I don't necessarily see why I'd get along with another INFP (or other NPs, or Fi-doms, or any similarity) any more than I'd get along with anyone of any type (although, I do seem to follow the "similar, but also different" trend of attraction). Ultimately it's more about life experience, values, maturity and really a whole heap of other factors, though I guess I could see how differing communication styles (Fe/Ti vs Fi/Te) and P/J divides could pose issues. But again, it goes back to maturity.


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## LightYellow (Apr 22, 2018)

Your polar opposite is your ideal mate, because its obviously your missing half Its the half of you which you neglected, which had to die off, to be able to activate your working half. 

In MBTI circles its popular to not match total polar opposite, but to match N with N, and S with S. So they just take 180 degrees polar opposite of your judgement function, but only take 90 degrees opposite of your perception function while staying within either the S or the N band. This is just N-elitism in my opinion (also since S-people are usually not so interested in MBTI). A fully "holistic" person with respect for all the functions of the almighty should not condemn its perception opposite, just due to some N-elitism thats popular somehow.

I am also ENTP and consider xSFJ as my ideal match too. xNFJs are maybe nice to write a book with once, but the result of a relationship with them is a neglect of the tangible details (Si). For an ultimate family, I would like an xSFJ wife to keep the house tidy and do all the mundane tasks and care for the kids if they are sick (anybody could do that, but I mean Si's are just better in those daily routine details, than Ni's who just avoid the big doomsday stuff but neglect the details). 
As for what is better or "more polar opposite" ESFJ or ISFJ, I dont know. I know that with ISFJs I have no problems in "keeping things open / not closing", and with ESFJs I have constant wars between her trying to "close my options" and me trying to keeping them open. So an ISFJ is more comfortable for sure, but maybe comfort is not what you need on the long run? Maybe the constant nagging ESFJ will actually help you close things as an ENTP? Maybe its good?


Best is also that you find your polar opposite while both of you are still young. The problem is that when you are old without your opposite for a long time, you have hardened out wrongly, built extreme routines which do not fit your opposite half. This makes it harder when you are older. 

Also in case of us ENTP/xSFJ combo > Its better to find your xSFJs young/virgin/pure so you can build her the way you want. Otherwise her Fe can run routines inserted by another, for example feminism, which are not good for you. This can be avoided if you pair with her young, otherwise it can still be done, but requires painful total destruction of her bad routines by you. (And same for her, for your bad routines).


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## lifeinterminals (Mar 19, 2018)

LightYellow said:


> Also in case of us ENTP/xSFJ combo > Its better to find your xSFJs young/virgin/pure so you can build her the way you want. Otherwise her Fe can run routines inserted by another, for example feminism, which are not good for you. This can be avoided if you pair with her young, otherwise it can still be done, but requires painful total destruction of her bad routines by you. (And same for her, for your bad routines).


Sounds like manipulative behavior, but okay.


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## lifeinterminals (Mar 19, 2018)

You will always find at least one attractive thing about another person, and type only comes into play when it comes to negotiating your communication styles and what you find valuable within the context of a relationship. The real challenge is knowing when to assert yourself, and when to step back in light of your partner's autonomy.

Opposites could work but I don't think it's for me, personally. I love the dynamic I share with my ISTP partner, and find that being with a Thinker makes it easier to process points that need addressing. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of the equation, and allows me to look for better ways to suit their needs as they do mine.


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## SomeOtherName (Apr 17, 2018)

I recently moved to where my sister moved last year - a very small city of about 8,000 people. consequently, my social life isnt exactly amazing.
as she was telling me about her group of friends as we sat and had coffee in the city's pitiful excuse for a mall, one of her friends - one that she isn't too close with - happened to walk by. she stopped and chatted with us a little while, and the whole time she was talking, I was sitting there bored out of my mind from how bland the conversation was. like, if you don't have anything of much interest at all to say, why are you standing here interrupting a perfectly good conversation instead of just saying hi and continuing walking??
the second she left, my sister turned to me and told me she was an ISFJ. I was not even the slightest bit surprised. I was optimistic, though. I have always heard that opposites attract, so hey! maybe I would get lucky and this would be one of those cases.
I was horribly mistaken.
I'm pretty sure the only time one of us has said something to the other that ISN'T a greeting or a goodbye, it was when she complimented the jean jacket I was wearing, to which I replied, "thanks, it's my sister's." which was true.
that's it. that's the extent of our conversation. everytime I hang out with my small group of friends here and she's around, I try extremely hard not to put my head through a wall.
I have tried a couple times to just sit there and not be downright annoyed, but it hasn't yet worked. one of my best friends here, though, ironically, is an ISFP... him and I get along way better. which is funny, considering my mom is an ENFP and my dad is an ISTP. they have nothing in common, either, except the P, but have been very happily married for decades now.
idk. I am yet to find an ISFJ that I can get along with, and am very willing to find opportunities.


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## swenya (Apr 20, 2018)

Red Panda said:


> I tend to be attracted to T over F, but always N.
> Not that I don't have S friends but there's always a distance between us.


I agree with you! The T over F, not as much, but deeeefinitely the 'always N'. I feel as though I _usually _become closer to Fs vs Ts, but my absolute closest friend is an ENTP. She can drive me insane, but I do the same to her. 

As far as not getting close to Ss, YES. Many of my S friends, though close to me, lack the intuition I have. When I go off ranting about impossible ideas and unimaginable yet funny inventions or scenarios, they're right by my side to laugh and shake their heads in awe. However, they aren't able to add on to my vision or momentary topic of interest the same way as an N can. My close N friends typically build onto my insanity until we've drowned ourselves in a hilarious story of impossibilities and brain vomit. The wreckage of our conversation is something we can bathe in for weeks, but many of my S friends look at this as a funny moment, then want to return to real life and put their focus and conversation on concrete or tangible things. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate this as well, we Ns sometimes need an S to bring us back to reality. (Particularily xNxP and xSxJ), but the S may never understand my core oddness quite as well as an N will.

Just my two cents.


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## Ocean Helm (Aug 25, 2016)

I was just thinking, when I am thinking of certain functions/function-attitude pairs, I think almost entirely about what I do.

Yet for other ones are alien to me to the point where I mainly just imagine them as they manifest in other people, and have to try to sort of imagine being like them in order to visualize them completely.

This is beyond "I don't really relate to it". It's like it's so not my preference that I have to vicariously imagine that preference through others. Such is the case with Fe, Se, and Si in the "nu-MBTI" world (basically the functions as they are seen on blogs and in this website). It's not that I *can't* "use" them, but rather that I don't "get" the inclination toward wanting to use them, if that makes any sense.

The understanding itself is sort of forced, and it's often difficult for me to empathize directly with people who have certain problems like, for instance, personal sadness that arises from a lack of social bonding (Fe-related), physical stimulation (Se-related), or some sort of methodical consistency (Si-related). I have to really put in cognitive effort to try to understand the root of their sadness, while there are some that can easily just "get" their problems instinctively as if they were on the same wavelength. Then again these same people seem similarly clueless to things that bother me.

It really makes me wonder how people can want to be with their "opposite" so much. Like I guess aliens are interesting at first, but I wouldn't want to go live in an alien colony.


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## SirCanSir (Mar 21, 2018)

Ocean Helm said:


> I was just thinking, when I am thinking of certain functions/function-attitude pairs, I think almost entirely about what I do.
> 
> Yet for other ones are alien to me to the point where I mainly just imagine them as they manifest in other people, and have to try to sort of imagine being like them in order to visualize them completely.
> 
> ...


I get your point bro but the definition of opposites i went on in this thread, is about someone who got the same functions as you but in the opposite, or different order (not ENTP-INTP different though). When it comes to you and me ESFJs and ISFJs use the same functions as we do but they are strong where we are weak and the other way around. They could appear as aliens but an approach to their types could also serve as a way to strengthen your weaknesses and be more complete. 
Dont you think that a relationship of that kind could have a more special outcome than a journey full of troubles and dead ends?


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## Katie Tran (Apr 8, 2017)

Aluminum Frost said:


> I'm most attracted to ENxx women. As far as friends go I definitely gravitate more towards thinkers.


Really? Damn, could have fooled me. This whole time I thought you had a thing for ESxP women lol.


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## Cuddly_Cactus (Jan 10, 2018)

I don't believe in that philosophy that opposite attract. I think that people should be a lot different in both good and bad ways so that each personality in a relationship can grow from learning from one another.


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## Taileile (Jul 2, 2016)

I'm not sure, it's a possibility? I haven't met any self-identified ENTPs off of online MBTI communities. I've met a few INTPs, though.

One thing that I've noticed for xNTPs is that we either get along great or don't mesh well at all, period. I've noticed the same trends with close friends of mine and people who were their opposites or close to it. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like there's a smaller middle ground with someone that different from you.


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## Aluminum Frost (Oct 1, 2017)

Alassea said:


> Really? Damn, could have fooled me. This whole time I thought you had a thing for ESxP women lol.


Huh? Why is that?


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## Katie Tran (Apr 8, 2017)

Aluminum Frost said:


> Huh? Why is that?


This whole time, I had the impression you weren’t a fan of ENFPs from your threads/posts. *shrug*


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## L P (May 30, 2017)

Yea, I think when you are face to face with an opposite you are face to face with things about you that you repress and sort of dislike and view negatively, mostly because you do not have a good control over it. I am an INFP, which is sterotypically a soft spoken "kind hearted" non abrassive person, how this manifests is that I am a non threatening person who tries to emotionally accomdate people.


The opposite of that is a person who is intimidating or threatening and cares not for other's emotions. ESTJ. When face to face with someone like that I can feel of sense of self rigteousness thinking this person contains things I find evil "things I repress in myself that I do not want to acknowledge are there."

And I imagine the same is for the ESTJ, they do not want to acknowledge they have a softer more vulnerable side, because that is weak and soft.

But when you're around this opposite long enough you can see the good aspects in the things you thought were evil or disgusting or unamusing or any negative perspective on your repressed side you may have, and seeing someone handle things with finesse that you find so difficult to handle your self can create admiration and even attraction.


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## OliveBranch (Aug 30, 2017)

I think that I've been intrigued by types like ESTP's (INFP's true opposite), but not ESTJ's (dual in Socionics). I wouldn't say attracted though. I am sometimes attracted tp people who are very charming and extroverted, but in terms the cognitive functions, they aren't typically opposites. Usually these people are ENTP's. But ESTP's I've met are usually physically built, and I tend to be attracted to more feminine men. 

Of course love does not equal attraction. Often our "type" and who we are attracted to is not who we end up with. Our superificial interest is not our long term needs. I often have "crushes" but I never have an interest in pursuing them, because who I really like are people I already know and have a friendship with. Those are the only people you can accurately judge.


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