# My ENTP boyfriend and me, the ISTJ



## TimeWillTell

Ermenegildo said:


> That isn't unusual at all for males. Men need variety. If you look at the definition of human monogamy sexual exclusivity is not a part of it.
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> You demand emotional and sexual exclusivity, which is an acquired taste, but you don't respect his need for variety, which is a biological fact. Men should stand their ground instead of submitting themselves to female standards.
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> And you are not selfish if you want to monopolize him? Why don't you want other women to enjoy his company?
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> Sure, if you believe in your own words that you demand exclusivity. For the more open minded there is Polyamory
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> _LM respondents were significantly more likely (28.5%) to report having experienced some form of discrimination in the past 10 years compared to the general US population (5.5%) and more than twice as likely than African Americans within the US population (12.8%). These results were similarly significant when analyzed by gender and sexual behavioral orientation. Ambiguity about having experienced discrimination is far more common among the LM population (18.4%) as compared to the general US population (0.13%) and among African Americans surveyed in the GSS (0.0%)._
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> What Do Polys Want? Results of the 2012 Loving More Polyamory Survey


R0FL! Good luck with that  But I love how your answer approach the problem 
I am gonna read it thoroughly later although I know I will support it just for the sake of it!


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## niss

littlel1978 said:


> Thanks guys. It's so difficult to end something that's barely begun.
> I do feel though that my logical mind tells me I will always be paranoid...asking a million questions, going thru his pockets, anxious about him going to parties alone, not being home on time etc etc.
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> It's sad to say, I feel it's only a matter of time before I do run :-(


Your relationship really never had a chance. Your values are too different. 

Personality type has nothing to do with this.


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## tanstaafl28

littlel1978 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Having searched online for what seems like an eternity, trying to find some advice about my ENTP boyfriend, I decided to finally join one the many forums I've spent my time searching through.
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> Can an ENTP male have a faithful, long term relationship with an ISTJ female? Are ENTPs renowned for being faithful/unfaithful? What is the ENTP male's outlook on monogamous relationships?
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> thanks for any advice.


 WELCOME! 

Before I start, let me say that I believe people of any type can make a relationship work, or turn it into a complete disaster. The biggest obstacle to any relationship is communication, and some types are naturally better at communicating their needs/wants/desires/ideas/feelings, than others. Any relationship is a give-and-take sort of thing, both partners have to make it happen, or let it fall apart. Sometimes opposites attract. Other times, opposites pull each other apart, little-by-little, over time. You have to commit yourself to understanding that the way he thinks isn’t the same way you think. He’s going to do things in a completely different way from you. It will look to you like messy chaos in action, but despite all this, he does actually have a “method to his madness.” He subconsciously trusts his instincts and intuition in a way that you won’t quite comprehend. In the same token, he will probably look at your tendency to stick by your methodical, step-by-step, detail-oriented, process, as being somewhat unimaginative and clunky. 

Let me say that I believe, given the right circumstances, not only will an ENTP be completely monogamous and loyal, but also, he will respect your ISTJ need for alone time, strict boundaries, and will not judge you too harshly. He will also admire your ability to handle the small details and plan ahead; as these are things he generally finds tedious and will usually approach with utter disdain. If he is worth his salt, he will excel in those instances where all the plans go awry, where the situation calls for his ability to improvise, adapt, and overcome. He will rise to the occasion in those instances and completely surprise you with his brilliance, however, there will also be times where your ENTP will seem like an unreliable, restless, dreamer. The point is that you’re going to have to be the more predictable and practical one in the relationship, because he probably won’t be. If you aren’t comfortable with that, you need to face that sooner rather than later. He will show an amazing knack for being there just in the nick of time, but there will be times where he'll seem distant, aloof, and completely off on his own tangent. You have to get used to the idea that he's not doing it to be a jerk, he's constantly interested in trying out new ideas and seeing what happens. He will also seem to enjoy debate for it's own sake, and that can drive an ISTJ crazy. It isn't personal (at least not most of the time) he does it because he's interested in figuring out the perspectives of others. 

I am an ENTP. I was in a committed, monogamous relationship with an ISTJ for almost 20 years. We were married for over 15 years. Unfortunately, over time, we drifted apart. Her need to constantly do, and my need to constantly be, overcame our affection and attraction for each other. It came down to her working too much (1 full-time job and 4-5 part-time jobs, mostly from home) and expecting me to carry the load around the house without her. I wanted someone who would spend more time with me, and she saw me as being too much of a dreamer; someone with brilliance and potential, but no ambition. I was happy to live inside my head, and she became frustrated that I wasn't more "down-to-earth". She began to lose faith in our marriage sometime last Spring, but kept it to herself, rather than disrupt our "well-oiled" routine. She kept finding reasons not to say anything about it, as her love for me bled out internally. By October of 2014, she has met a man who was more ambitious, hardworking, and detail-oriented, like she was; and they began to have an affair. I wouldn’t find out about it for another four months, and it was the end of us. So, in this instance, I was the faithful one, she wasn’t. It takes two to make it work, and maybe I should have noticed she was distancing herself from me, but I thought it was because she was tired and overworked, overstressed, and unwilling to take a break. We created an imbalance, and eventually, it grew out of our control. 

So yes, despite my experiences, I do believe it can work between you two; if you are willing to work for it. You both will have to revise your expectations of each other, and you will have to be diligent at overcoming the different communication styles you both have. What you can never forget is what brought you two together in the first place. Cherish that, find the middle ground, and don't let the everyday frustrations drive you apart. Laugh, love, play, and work together. Find that balance and keep it sacred.


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