# "I dated this girl.. she was crazy."



## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Her facial expression and the fact she's carrying a knife around probably makes it more universally creepy.


True...

Wait, do we use crazy for women the same way we use creepy for men?

In both cases the unsaid implication is almost the same, "Go with that person and you're in danger", and in both cases we overdo it's usage.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Tropes said:


> ex-girlfriends are cray cray ex-bofyriends are jerks, I thought we had this established.
> 
> (This is actually a serious comment - when we devalue men we do so by giving them more responsibility and thus attribute malicious intent to how they made us feel, when we devalue women we do so by giving them less agency and thus assume they were not capable of being responsible for their actions and choices).


Except I wasn't really referring to the standard "blame-your-ex-for-the-relationship-failing crap. I meant the specific word used, "crazy" as a common way of describing a female ex lover. I don't hear women describing their male exes as such nearly as often, which is why it sparked my curiosity. Not only that, but when I try to push for an explanation, I usually get a vague answer, rather than the description of some kind of extreme behavior like stalking, being destructive, or threatening your safety. 

For example, it seems like any kind of emotionality that is considered a bit intense is enough to qualify a person as "crazy", even if they're actually mentally stable, lol. 



Desthro said:


> Considering the fact that everyone is "crazy" on some level, it's not an inaccurate statement.


What a great way to dodge the question


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

kaleidoscope said:


> Except I wasn't really referring to the standard "blame-your-ex-for-the-relationship-failing crap. I meant the specific word used, "crazy" as a common way of describing a female ex lover. I don't hear women describing their male exes as such nearly as often, which is why it sparked my curiosity. Not only that, but when I try to push for an explanation, I usually get a vague answer, rather than the description of some kind of extreme behavior like stalking, being destructive, or threatening your safety.
> 
> For example, it seems like any kind of emotionality that is considered a bit intense is enough to qualify a person as "crazy", even if they're actually mentally stable, lol.


Actually I think @ninjahitsawall was onto something with the creepy/crazy comparison, which works much better then the jerk/crazy comparison. 

The general pattern of situations it is used for is women getting mad without a predictable reason, so the sentiment is that you feel like they can "turn on you" when you don't expect it. Sometimes it's real threats to your safety, sometimes it's imagined due to high emotional tones that feel like they could combust at any moment, and sometimes it's just overused, the same way anything can be.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

kaleidoscope said:


> I hear this one a lot, and I mean A LOT, from guy friends as well as boyfriends. It made me wonder what the criteria for crazy is. Does that mean intense? Emotional? Easily upset? Tried to stab you with a fork? Set your house on fire because you made her feel undesirable?
> 
> I wonder why that's such a common descriptor for female ex lovers in particular, and what it means. Any thoughts, or anecdotes?


It means she wasn't someone he enjoyed dating. Pretty much all there is to it. Woman I dated not a compliant sex toy = crazy.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

I'm not an English speaker. I don't follow the development of the English language. Crazy isn't what it means anymore?


EndsOfTheEarth said:


> It means she wasn't someone he enjoyed dating. Pretty much all there is to it. Woman I dated not a compliant sex toy = crazy.


Ok. That's what I call "boring". I've seen crazy (as in sick). By that I mean "letting her spend a few nights at the open psychiatric ward because she's actually destroying her own and my life".


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Tropes said:


> Actually I think @*ninjahitsawall* was onto something with the creepy/crazy comparison, which works much better then the jerk/crazy comparison.
> 
> The general pattern of situations it is used for is women getting mad without a predictable reason, so the sentiment is that you feel like they can "turn on you" when you don't expect it. Sometimes it's real threats to your safety, sometimes it's imagined due to high emotional tones that feel like they could combust at any moment, and sometimes it's just overused, the same way anything can be.





Tropes said:


> True...
> 
> Wait, do we use crazy for women the same way we use creepy for men?
> 
> In both cases the unsaid implication is almost the same, "Go with that person and you're in danger", and in both cases we overdo it's usage.


I've wondered about that too, but I've also considered there are different generalizations coming from different ways that the creepiness is executed. Like for men it usually has more of a rapey vibe (trying to get in someone's pants = "creepy") and for women it's more of an irrational obsession. (Although they do both suggest some kind of threatening behavior). I think it's a less likely situation that a girl is trying to seduce a guy, and he perceives it as sleazy and gets creeped out in that way. Though I think it'd be more accurate to call that kind of scenario creepy either way.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

pwowq said:


> Ok. That's what I call "boring". I've seen crazy (as in sick). By that I mean "letting her spend a few nights at the open psychiatric ward because she's actually destroying her own and my life".


I half agree...

I agree that not enjoyable is more on the boring side. When I think crazy I think unpredictable in hostile ways. I think getting slapped around, I think having a knife pulled on me, I think breaking shit, I think locking me out of the house in the winter because I said something wrong, I think changing their minds on whether they want to be together or not every argument, I think declaring they are going to cheat and then changing their minds in the last second, I think them doing something and creating an understanding of what is acceptable and then blowing up if I do the same, I think manipulative conversational forks, I think paranoia and declarations about what "I am really feeling" in complete disregard of my own experience of my own god damn emotions, I think extreme denial of events even a moment after they happened, I think of malicious jealous hate towards a female friend even when that friend is a lesbian. So yea, someone who is simply not enjoyable doesn't really make the cut.

That's said, I actually see a disconnect between the people I'd consider crazy and the people with recognizable psychiatric problems. I've dated a bipolar guy, but I never thought he was crazy, I've dated a clinical depressed woman who spent time institutionalized, and she's one of the most sane people I know. One of the most important traits of crazy is that it doesn't have a name, it's not something you can easily point too.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

ninjahitsawall said:


> I've wondered about that too, but I've also considered there are different generalizations coming from different ways that the creepiness is executed. Like for men it usually has more of a rapey vibe (trying to get in someone's pants = "creepy") and for women it's more of an irrational obsession. I think it's a less likely situation that a girl is trying to seduce a guy, and he perceives it as sleazy and gets creeped out. Though I think it'd be more accurate to call that creepy than crazy.


So we use it to describe men when they are single and women when they are in a relationship...

This seems somewhat relevant to the other thread. :disillusionment: It's all connected!


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Tropes said:


> So we use it to describe men when they are single and women when they are in a relationship...
> 
> This seems somewhat relevant to the other thread. :disillusionment: It's all connected!


Well, wanting to live in someone's socks because you hooked up in a bathroom of a fast food restaurant once, isn't exactly a relationship either. But yeah, I think the correlation is excessive sexual interest for men ="creepy" (some people even said in that thread they don't worry about men being desperate if they're in a relationship, which makes them more appealing), while excessive emotional interest for women = "crazy". Not sure what happens when you swap those...


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

ninjahitsawall said:


> But yeah, I think *the correlation is excessive sexual interest for men ="creepy"* (some people even said in that thread they don't worry about men being desperate if they're in a relationship, which makes them more appealing), while *excessive emotional interest for women = "crazy"*.


That btw, is brilliantly said.



ninjahitsawall said:


> Not sure what happens when you swap those...


They meet together on "desperate".


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Tropes said:


> That btw, is brilliantly said.
> 
> 
> 
> They meet together on "desperate".


Yeah and desperate seems to have less negative connotation than either crazy or creepy.

As I'm thinking about it more though, a guy being too emotionally interested is still assumed to be thinking with their dick, i.e creepy or sleazy (and desperate).A woman acting really sexual is assumed to be desperate and/or slutty and probably has bad self-esteem and an ulterior motive (because why would she just want sex for its own sake...pffft that doesn't happen  )


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

Edit: I've confirmed it's a language barrier.


Tropes said:


> I half agree...
> 
> I agree that not enjoyable is more on the boring side. *When I think crazy I think unpredictable in hostile ways. ... .* So yea, someone who is simply not enjoyable doesn't really make the cut.
> 
> *That's said, I actually see a disconnect between the people I'd consider crazy and the people with recognizable psychiatric problems. *I've dated a bipolar guy, but I never thought he was crazy, I've dated a clinical depressed woman who spent time institutionalized, and she's one of the most sane people I know. One of the most important traits of crazy is that it doesn't have a name, it's not something you can easily point too.


Bolded: Fascinating view. I don't see a disconnect. A crazy person will have a recognizable psychiatric problem. A clinically diagnosed person probably isn't crazy (partly due to treatment having a docile effect, partly because problems comes in so many other ways).


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## Faery (May 18, 2011)

I've heard this one a lot. My first response, at least internally, is something along the lines of "uh, so...your judgment sucks?"


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

I was thinking about this the other day
is easy to remember women talking about men as:
- lazy
- dumb
- stupid
- jerk
- mommy issues
- obsessed
- dirty
- useless
- poor
- good for nothing, etc etc etc

but what you actually hear from men talking about women is mostly:
- crazy
- crazy
- crazy
- clingy
- passive aggressive
- menopause crazy
- period crazy (menstrua-crazy)

You might think I'm joking: I'm not, this is very common to hear in my region



Tropes said:


> Perfectly justified. Your loved ones become zombies, you chain them in the closet and feed them until you find a cure.


I know a woman who turned into a zombie
and at last she was sure what she wanted to eat
otherwise wasted a lot of time at restaurants


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## piano (May 21, 2015)

why am i laughing like a maniac


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## piano (May 21, 2015)




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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Context and delivery mean alot here. 

I think its somewhat distinguishable if someone has issues that are reoccuring theme and they label all exes like that or if they refer to one person, event, or experience like that. Thats a big redflag to me tho dating if people seem too prematurely eager to bash an ex. Its important for people to realize if there is a theme then its more in the selector rather than the selected. But yeah of course most older adults I think have one or two crazy exes the odds are higher. Should that be a general table talk, no not imo. 

If I get a sense the guy has that theme I do not desire them. If they just have some tales of one or two crazy or bizarre people they share about at relevant moments its no biggie.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

changos said:


> I was thinking about this the other day
> is easy to remember women talking about men as:
> - lazy
> - dumb
> ...


That actually fits what I hear too, and it's time to put a stop to this. It's time to show that when men are being judgmental, we can be just as creative as when women are being judgmental. No longer shall we only call bad SOs crazy, instead we will call them... 



Hmm, we will call them... 


I can't think of anything.


God damn penis.


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

* *


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## camous (Jul 12, 2015)

Tropes said:


> That seems pretty legitimate.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I've learned to place "needy" alongside "crazy" and "jerk" for the things you don't want to date someone who calls all their ex's as. If someone calls all their ex's needy, then they probably aren't very good at providing to their partners needs. It's funny to think of honesty as a need though, it's kind of the status quo, honesty as a need sounds like "Tell me something true for breakfast and dinner, and then you can lie in between".


Well my original post was to highlight that you can accuse partners of being crazy and sometimes they are or aren't. I also have friends who were crazy, or still are but I told them what I think about their behaviour and that it is not healthy for them. I definitely agree with the latter part. One thing I find interesting though is how often we get stuck in patterns. So for example, if you keep dating people not available emotionally or "crazy" maybe there is something going on there... At least for me I see patterns (and I currently try to break them!)


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