# 20 Reasons you're still single women



## HonourThyCat (Jan 16, 2010)

The Satsuma thing may be referring to an overly fake-tanned woman, because fake tan turns you orange, like a satsuma :happy: We call them Wotsits around my neck of the woods. As in:

"You say your skin colour's natural? Not unless your dad shagged a Wotsit love."*



*Stolen from Alan Carr, with pride


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

This'll teach me to make a thread at 5 in the morning while half asleep, and then forget I ever created it.

You were right about the fake tan HonourThyCat.


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## abitsilly (Mar 4, 2010)

I think your just making women more freakin neurotic about their issues :crazy:
I would love to hear your explinations though.


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## Tophat182 (Feb 16, 2010)

HonourThyCat said:


> The Satsuma thing may be referring to an overly fake-tanned woman, because fake tan turns you orange, like a satsuma :happy: We call them Wotsits around my neck of the woods. As in:
> 
> "You say your skin colour's natural? Not unless your dad shagged a Wotsit love."*
> 
> ...


I call them carrots :happy:


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Liminality said:


> 1) You have daddy issues
> 2) You were the clever, chubby one who all the boys teased in primary/elementary school
> 3) You're puddle deep
> 4) You're a scummy bag glass tumbler
> ...


I don't think that a person should change something that is fundamental to their personality, if they like who they are. There will be someone who appreciates a woman with most/if not all of these qualities (as far as even the worst ones, there are some strange fetishes out there). This entire post presumes that there are traits that are universally unacceptable to all men. Looking through most of these, I personally know guys who like many of these qualities. I even know a guy who likes when a woman doesn't shave anything, and doesn't shower as often, so that her natural pheromones are stronger. Each individual has their own set of preferences. I'm saying this in case there is anyone out there naive and inexperienced enough to take your post seriously. Its a shame when someone begins to conform, and lose bits of their identity just because they are afraid that every person of the opposite sex out there is a shallow prick.


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## Tophat182 (Feb 16, 2010)

Oh don't give me that anti-conformist Shiznit. It's perfectly acceptable to accept the norm, that's how fads happen and some fads are fucking hilarious. This list is a bunch of stereotypes, which have some truth as all stereotypes do. I personally agree with most of these myself.


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

They're all intended to be humourous. What Tophat said - and I think Tophat's the first (actually second) person to make sense of my blunt/incoherent humour that appears when I'm tired Dx. I don't think all of them are necessarily bad things, it's just what the I've seen the masses tend to, but phrased in the early hours of the morning.

I shall go do descriptors - actually maybe after the Mentalist; in a couple of hours or so.

Now I read through again, some of these I actually don't really consider to be true (for the most part, though...at the same time, there's truth to it, just...exaggerated), just put in for silly value.

Ohh *goes into second-guessing heaspace* reality doesn't make sense anymore *cradles head in hands* My sense of humour confuses even me.


1) You have daddy issues*
He never payed quite enough attention, you can't remember ever hearing him say 'I love you' or 'You're beautiful', and as for physical contact, you pass him the salt every few nights. Every compliment either felt like a half hearted effort, or was another way of criticising you*

2) You were the clever, chubby one who all the boys teased in primary/elementary school*
And now you pay for their ignorance, perhaps through intellectual snobbery, no man who doesn't meet your standards isn't worth your time. Or you're so strapped for self-worth in the guy department, any comment even the sweetest makes is a not so well disguised attempt to mock you, they all hate you, and one day you'll show them all.*

3) You're puddle deep*
Either, literally the depth to your character could fill a small mug, or you try as best you can to cover up just how normal, and boring you are with pretentious and or overly sexualised mixed messages.*

4) You're a scummy bag glass tumbler*
Old, with a sex addiction and a glass tumbler down belowwww.*

5) You're a lesbian in denial*
Not so much in denial as you really want to go out with guys, and are a nice enough girl, but the passion, just not there. You've never quite worked out why.*

6) You're overly idealistic*
The dorky teacher in movies with extreamly messy hair, a very quiet, shy, or otherwise dreamy voice, passionate for a cause no one else care about, lost to the cruel world outside your happy bubble*

7) You're manlier than a protein shake on steroids*
Assertive and don't really give a damn what others think and don't care whether they know it or not, a female moustache, angry eyebrows, like the quiet alpha male but with a vagina.*

8) You're a late bloomer/ugly/have sweating/BO issues*
Generally blooms into a sweet, shy/socially inept girl - Gladis from She's the man, or just one of those late bloomers who's always in the background.*

9) You're so convinced it'll go wrong you create problems where they needn't exist*
Whether it's him not telling you he loves you at the right moment, telling you he loves you at the wrong time, making too much eyecontact with your sister/mother/brother/that girl who took your check in at the bank, or the time he spends with his friends/his friends, there's something wrong, and the insecure little fool inside you is going to make it into something really wrong.*

10) You're such a fangirl/geek you already have an imaginary boyfriend, or four, or fourteen





11) You're uptight/high maintenance*
He just doesn't realise how wrong he is, about himself, about you, about the weather, and you will make it clear how wrong, then spiral into insecure little mind games.*

12) You're a satsuma*
You rub off on his face when you kiss.*

13) You're a hairy armpit weilding, highhorse sitting feminist.*
And any comment he makes on the female cause - usually because he knows you reside on a high horse, and finds no better way to the shits and giggles - will be answered with 'You disgust me as a vertibrate'*

14) You're sweet, but inexplicably racist/homophobic*
When the detested subject comes up, you unabashedly - like you have no concept of it being a negative view to take - bash black/gay people.*

15) You're married to your work*
And not really one for overt shows of affection, or shows of affection at all, and see no problem with this.*

16) Overbearing parents/brother/family in general*
Which mostly leads you to trusting in the wrong guy.*

17) You have a taste for the wrong sort of men*
You do have boyfriends, and at times husbands, but it always end up with you stating how you'd just like to find a nice guy, and how men are all bastards.*

18) You're too agreeable*
Nice, you're just so nice - and not the good nice; the wishy washy, perhaps so nice you're fake - though not with malcontent, just...nice...*

19) You're so phobic of intimacy your first, and last relationship involved you and your ex visiting a therapist during and for an extended period after it withered and died/you're a compulsive maoschist*
And you couldn't ever find a reason for why. Maybe you're just a psychopath and should stop the dating buisness for the rest of your life.*

20) You're just not met the right guy yet.
*And he'll come along.

*21) Infinite loop of cake desire.
*You reeeaaaally like cake.*


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

5 + 21 .....for sure.
Maybe a pinch of 1, 20 and 6 as well.


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## Ben (Aug 23, 2009)

> 10) You're such a fangirl/geek you already have an imaginary boyfriend, or four, or fourteen.


Guilty. roud:


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

queenofleaves said:


> What? Guys don't like Ani DiFranco????


How am I supposed to *NOT* like that? I mean look at her! She's got purple hair!








http://earbudz.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/ani_difranco.jpg


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

I must admit that I did see the OP as a bit of fancy fluff....now that I see that is was humour it makes more sense. I would have pointed out before knowing this that there are plenty of men who like satsumas, hairy armpits, family issues, etc. Matter of fact the OP makes the assumption that ALL men are rational and avoid pitfalls and never create them for themselves. 

with that said....I don't think I fit any of them to a T, maybe partially in some:tongue:
20. maybe and your explanation? maybe.....we will see


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## Stolen (Apr 5, 2010)

Promethea said:


> I even know a guy who likes when a woman doesn't shave anything, and doesn't shower as often, so that her natural pheromones are stronger.


This has nothing to do with the thread topic, but several years ago my driver's ed instructor digressed into a long speech during one of our segments about how our generation smells absolutely terrible, because apparently we never shower, and that we can wear all the cologne/perfume we like but it'll never cover up the smell of our bad hygiene. 

He was the weirdest fellow.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

21. Men are idiots who take months to ask you out


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## Deja Vu (Dec 26, 2009)

Yes...we do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Tophat182 said:


> Oh don't give me that anti-conformist Shiznit. It's perfectly acceptable to accept the norm, that's how fads happen and some fads are fucking hilarious. This list is a bunch of stereotypes, which have some truth as all stereotypes do. I personally agree with most of these myself.


I wasn't giving -you- any anti-conformist "shiznit" because you are just the type of deaf ear that I avoid, as not to say things all in vain. My message was clearly intended for an audience who understands. I don't give two shits if you choose to live a life completely devoid of meaning, as you go through the prescribed motions, blip.


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## Gleeman (Apr 10, 2010)

If a girl has deepthroat skills all will be forgiven.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

Gleeman said:


> If a girl has deepthroat skills all will be forgiven.


well bugger me....I always thought it was how well we could make a sandwich

see girls, they aren't all the same:laughing:


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## Gleeman (Apr 10, 2010)

bethdeth said:


> well bugger me....I always thought it was how well we could make a sandwich
> 
> see girls, they aren't all the same:laughing:


 
Cleaning the kitchen is important too.


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## Robatix (Mar 26, 2009)

TentacleZoom said:


> This has nothing to do with the thread topic, but several years ago my driver's ed instructor digressed into a long speech during one of our segments about how our generation smells absolutely terrible, because apparently we never shower, and that we can wear all the cologne/perfume we like but it'll never cover up the smell of our bad hygiene.
> 
> He was the weirdest fellow.


That reminds me...







I was also thankful for HonourThyCat's explanation of "satsuma." That one had even Urban Dictionary stumped.


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## truevitality (Jan 18, 2010)

Liminality said:


> They're all intended to be humourous. What Tophat said - and I think Tophat's the first (actually second) person to make sense of my blunt/incoherent humour that appears when I'm tired Dx. I don't think all of them are necessarily bad things, it's just what the I've seen the masses tend to, but phrased in the early hours of the morning.
> 
> I shall go do descriptors - actually maybe after the Mentalist; in a couple of hours or so.
> 
> ...



Furiken hilarious!!!! :laughing: 

I'll accept 1 and 9.


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## silence (Nov 11, 2008)

22. you are a coward who won't ask a guy out because you're afraid of rejection, or don't make the first move for some other reason.


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