# Love is a choice. How old were you when you realized it?



## OldAlaskan (Jan 16, 2017)

About how old were you when you learned that "love is a choice" and that if you are ever going to have a stable, long term relationship, you are going to have to discipline yourself to treat your partner in a loving manner, after the initial "romantic" feelings have disipated?


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## dizzycactus (Sep 9, 2012)

OldAlaskan said:


> About how old were you when you learned that "love is a choice"


It's not, it's a feeling, e.g. google defines it as "a strong feeling of affection"




> and that if you are ever going to have a stable, long term relationship, you are going to have to discipline yourself to treat your partner in a loving manner, after the initial "romantic" feelings have disipated?


I don't, because limerence isn't the only form of affectionate bonding, albeit you can't maintain the same degree of emotional intensity in the face of what becomes the mundane.


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## Nicholasjh1 (Feb 6, 2018)

dizzycactus said:


> It's not, it's a feeling, e.g. google defines it as "a strong feeling of affection"
> 
> 
> 
> ...


* I haven't realized it yet.


In all seriousness the OP is correct. For me it came late in life, Learning to be loving, stay vulnerable, and see the other person as a possibility rather then the "mundane". The minute you start thinking you KNOW the other person is the minute love starts to slip away.


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## dizzycactus (Sep 9, 2012)

Nicholasjh1 said:


> * I haven't realized it yet.
> 
> 
> In all seriousness the OP is correct. For me it came late in life, Learning to be loving, stay vulnerable, and see the other person as a possibility rather then the "mundane". The minute you start thinking you KNOW the other person is the minute love starts to slip away.


Then you chose to perform a set of behaviours, you didn't choose to have an emotion


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## Mrblack (Jul 9, 2017)

This isn’t generation related.✋


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

_Too late too soon._


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## Millenium_01 (Mar 5, 2018)

dizzycactus said:


> It's not, it's a feeling, e.g. google defines it as "a strong feeling of affection"
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Eh, I disagree. 

Love isn't solely a feeling. You can _fall_ in love and be infatuated but that's different from* love* itself.
I've always believed love is a strong and deep connection between two people; not some fleeting emotion that's bound to come and go with the passing of time. 

That's just my two-cents.


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## Mrblack (Jul 9, 2017)

BenevolentBitterBleeding said:


> _Too late too soon._


How did you put gif on your profile? every time I do this it becomes a normal image


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## Daiz (Jan 4, 2017)

Around 22. I've always believed this but it's only in the last few years that I've really had to seriously engage with the concept in my relationship.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

OldAlaskan said:


> About how old were you when you learned that "love is a choice"


Why are you asking people when we "learned" an opinion.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Daiz said:


> ????
> 
> Feelings of love cannot exist 24/7. No feeling can. Over the course of time, they're going to ebb and flow. The "love is a decision" part is when you decide to stay through those ebbs.


Staying is not loving. It *might* be _the result_ of love, but it isn't love itself. Therefore the decision to stay is not a decision to love. Like someone else said, love is an emotion. Staying is not. People don't decide what their emotions are.


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## Mrblack (Jul 9, 2017)

May someone please move this thread to
Sex and Relationships this isn’t generational at all..


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

Mrblack said:


> How did you put gif on your profile? every time I do this it becomes a normal image


Like this!


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## The Poet (Oct 1, 2017)

To answer the question, I realized love takes sacrifices when I was in the 2nd/3rd grade and I moved, leaving behind my first crush. A part of me still loves her to this day, but I have moved on. I tried reconnecting with her both when I was little and when I was older. It ended badly. @Rventurelli


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## Rventurelli (Jan 7, 2018)

sinpin said:


> To answer the question, I realized love takes sacrifices when I was in the 2nd/3rd grade and I moved, leaving behind my first crush. A part of me still loves her to this day, but I have moved on. I tried reconnecting with her both when I was little and when I was older. It ended badly. @Rventurelli


?


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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

5 years old


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## The Poet (Oct 1, 2017)

Rventurelli said:


> ?


 you always seem to be comforting people who are down about love, in the romantic confession time thread. thought i could use that here. maybe not.


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## Rventurelli (Jan 7, 2018)

sinpin said:


> you always seem to be comforting people who are down about love, in the romantic confession time thread. thought i could use that here. maybe not.


Oh, I am sorry, I thought you were responding to some earlier comment of mine in this thread so when I found no comment previously made by me here I got confused.

Did you guys had anything when you originally met her or was it one sided? How long did you stay without contacting her before attempting it and what was her reaction? Also important, how old are you now?


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## Rventurelli (Jan 7, 2018)

OldAlaskan said:


> About how old were you when you learned that "love is a choice" and that if you are ever going to have a stable, long term relationship, you are going to have to discipline yourself to treat your partner in a loving manner, after the initial "romantic" feelings have disipated?


_When I was 17 with my first real girlfriend_. She was 20 and it was her first relationship; I remember her saying how it didn't felt like books and movies described after a few months and seemed disappointed for a while. When we both realized there was work needed and engaged on it _it worked fairly well for the entirety of the relationship_ (around two years), but it was a wake up call to reality that a relationship _is not_ sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.


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## SirCanSir (Mar 21, 2018)

I feel shit after reading this thread. Does every relationship come with love for you guys? For me that feeling is too grand to say that ive felt it. 
I think i came close in the last one, but still nowhere near it. 
I guess i can still hope for a better future.


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