# ENTP female and dating xNTJ's



## Sheila24 (Nov 24, 2016)

There4GoEye said:


> "Do you love me?"
> "Yup"
> "Can you do something to show you love me?"
> "Right now?"
> ...


I am not sure if it is because they read your emotions or they just assume they must be there...ENFPs are emotional and if they have feelings for you, they want to believe you have them too...People tend to do that regardless of their mbti type.

Personally I don't need need words to know a man wants/loves me. I need actions. Would you say your actions are consistent with how you feel? Do you make sure to act in a way that conveys love and caring?


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## Amiami (Dec 28, 2016)

nynaeva said:


> @Sheila24
> Forget about the INFJ male - they are like unicorns, the rarest type out there. I've never meet any of them.


Thought I'd approach with my 2 cents as my best friend (who is male) is an INFJ. They are rare, but they definitely exist and they are wonderful. 

To OP, if you ever find an INFJ male (they are rare, but not impossible to find) I would definitely give them a chance.


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## Stawker (Nov 30, 2016)

Why all the hate for ENTJs in this thread tho....


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## nynaeva (Sep 28, 2016)

@Sheila24
@The Hatter

Yeah INTJ & ENTJs Se is terrifying for us ENTPs lol. INTJs can be quite aggressive & assertive, I think ENFPs deal better with it - they don't hesitate to step down & to be the one who have emotionally intelligent reaction. I tend to fight back & point out the illogicality of their reaction (Ti and ... because you know, we just can't shut up :crazy
I find INTJs to be easier to deal with than ENTJs - Te is just ... too much for me, it's too abrasive, too domineering, too arrogant (they often state things with amazing confidence that's not true and my Ti doesn't like that) INTJs are more introspective, it's easier to call out their bullshits.




Sometimes I think they don't want to tell something to us because our Ti can seem to be hurtful or critical to them.
I don't think they really trust us with their emotions.
Yesterday we had this conversation with my husband.

*He goes:*
_"I love you, what are your best moments?"_
*and I replied:*
_"You mean with you or another guy?"_
I find it to be funny he doesn't lol!
*So he said:*
_"Now you are wondering why I don't say I love you more often"_
.... retraction of his Fi ahaha :laughing:




_I would call us ENTPs "alpha" personalities - so are the INTJs - it's like pull and attract and sometimes pull and push_, we both want to be right & to have the upper hand, it's easy to forget why we are together in the first place, _because we love each other_.




I think you are right to weight out the options and to see the good and bad sides, it's important to choose consciously! _Also as you said the attraction is magnetic ... according to my INTJ, even crazier than between him & his ENFP ex.. I really loved the mix of mystery & confidence & competence & even arrogance of the INTJs, the sexual tension is always crazy._ So yeah it's worth to think about it realistically.
I love INTPs & ENFPs too and also most healthy Fe/Si user - they really ground me. Also they'll be very supportive for YOUR projects, my ENFP ex was so loving & always behind my back. He gave me wings to my dreams . Because let's be honest when you have kids & family, someone has to step back professionally & you can bet it will not be your ambitious XNTJ hubby....
I love my husband soooooo much for all the reasons I listed in my other post but I could see myself with an INTP, ENFP & IXFJ too like @The Hatter. _It's more a matter of personal choice.
_



@Stawker Sorry, I love you guys as friends but I'm not into Christian Grey kind of guys (I'm actually more like him than his girlfriend ahah)


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## Stawker (Nov 30, 2016)

nynaeva said:


> @
> [MENTION=419890]Stawker Sorry, I love you guys as friends but I'm not into Christian Grey kind of guys (I'm actually more like him than his girlfriend ahah)


Christian Grey lol. To be honest, I've never given it much thought but my first gf -- INTJ -- dumped me because I was too manipulating (I was immature back then so I forgive myself -- I still manipulate but subtly) and my second gf -- INTP -- (not sure if I should call her that; there was attraction on both sides, we even confessed, but it wasn't really a relationship) constantly complained about my hurting her self-esteem. In the end, I got tired of indecisiveness and her passivity and I ended what didn't even begin because of her. 

And I've only just noticed that it's only in written form that my behavior seems ruthless to me. In real life, it seems like the natural thing to do. Interesting.


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## nynaeva (Sep 28, 2016)

Stawker said:


> Christian Grey lol. To be honest, I've never given it much thought but my first gf -- INTJ -- dumped me because I was too manipulating (I was immature back then so I forgive myself -- I still manipulate but subtly) and my second gf -- INTP -- (not sure if I should call her that; there was attraction on both sides, we even confessed, but it wasn't really a relationship) constantly complained about my hurting her self-esteem. In the end, I got tired of indecisiveness and her passivity and I ended what didn't even begin because of her.
> 
> And I've only just noticed that it's only in written form that my behavior seems ruthless to me. In real life, it seems like the natural thing to do. Interesting.


Yeah I see, typical NTJs problems ahah! 
You have two solutions:


1-Be with a Fi user - they'll have the emotional intelligence to accept you as you are & to see things from your perspective, but they can also be easy to offend if your values aren't aligned. So it's better to find a Fi user with the same values. 



2-Be with a thinker who will not be easy to offend and will come to see things logically: that you don't demonstrate affection verbally, so they should look for other cues (like things you are actually doing for them). I built an entire system around how my husband reacts. I don't expect verbal affection - even if he's trying to be more affectionate - but I know I could trust him with anything & he'll always be there. When I begin to think about how cold he could be, I keep remembering myself we have different love language and he loves me even if he doesn't show it in a Fe way.


:crazy::crazy::crazy:



Anyway I think Te can seem controlling because it plans and it's very directive, it's hard to say "no". It's easy to develop a passive aggressive attitude for the Ps. Perceivers don't like taking decisions so they'll let the XNTJs take decision for them (and since Te is very directive it's literally hard to say "no" as well), and then they'll resent it afterwards.... I think it's worse for the IXXP because it's harder for them to express themselves and say "no" bluntly.

Yeah ...human relationships are crazy complicated


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## Stawker (Nov 30, 2016)

nynaeva said:


> Yeah I see, typical NTJs problems ahah!
> You have two solutions:
> 
> 
> ...


With my INTP, I was actually more verbally affectionate than her. It was such a bitter experience I've decided that I'll avoid INTP females from this point on if they're even half as passive and indecisive as she was. Worst was when I offered her my help, when I told her that she can trust me to take her decisions, and her reply was, 'I don't need your help'. That offended me to hell and beyond and it was only way later that she explained her rationale, 'I don't want to disappoint you by relying on you all the time', and that pissed me off even further. How could she not realize that by entrusting some decisions to me she can learn how to take decisions even if she is totally passive? I still don't know. Whatever the case, IxxPs are off my list. And yes, I have the chutzpah to take this decision based on one experience alone. I have come to realize that I love people who are worth their salt. Who take any path necessary to improve upon their flaws. They are the ones who aren't stagnant. I watched the INTP for a whole year and whereas I went through 180 shifts in 365 days, she was still the same. Stagnation suffocates me. 

It's not about offending people. I actually have a developed Fi and I'm keenly aware of what may offend people (though I say offensive things nonetheless). The only problem from my side has always been my domineering behavior. I have no troubles expressing my feelings verbally, or physically. In fact I love doing that (INTPs apparently don't). To be honest, my only problem, with all the types save for xNTJs, is their stagnation. And on this point, I think I speak for all ENTJs, not just me. There's a clarity of vision we harness that I think no other type does. I have not lived a single year at the end of which I wasn't told that I'm a completely different person now. I solve ten problems and that may give rise to five others, but I solve nonetheless. Others around me never solve those ten problems because they want an absolute solution which stifles the posthumous five also. And they remain stuck; never realizing that man progresses in increments and that absolute, all-encompassing, solutions end up only being well-thought, and temporary, sophistries. And this applies to not only people who attempt to solve problems of universal magnitude but also day-to-day trivial problems. There has never been a philosopher who solved 'all problems' and wasn't proven wrong sooner or later. There is not a single rule, or set of rules, which can avoid all the issues in a relationship, or a friendship. But that apparently is something that doesn't cross most people's minds. And they stagnate.

Ultimately, I get pissed off. This is why, in my opinion, ENTJ are 'controlling' people. We don't so much lead for the pleasure of leading but because we see that people by themselves are only going to ruin everything. Their selfishness, their lack of clear vision, their inability to see things impersonally, and more, is why we can't have them destroying what is beautiful, what is pure, and what is worthy. I speak in a pontificating tone but really all of this applies to our daily lives. And yes, this rationale can support my delusions, my fantasies, too. But I can't say anything more on that point other than that you trust me enough to assume that I have good intentions and an objective disposition which sees flaws only where they are.


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## nynaeva (Sep 28, 2016)

@Stawker
I really like this article about how each type will say I love you: How Does Each Personality Type Ask, "Do You Love Me?" - Personality Type and Personal Growth | Personality Hacker
INTPs will need to be competent to feel loved, I don't think asking/accepting help is easy for them.
Also Ti is very judgmental & independent, so they can be very resistant if they don't think something is worth doing - they are not pushovers at all, even if they are introverts who aren't always good at expressing what they want. They'll usually do the "silent resistance" thing. 




I think it's very ENTJ & ENTX (I can be like that too) to try to push/inspire people & to expect them to follow up. But the INTPs just don't follow like that. Ti is very critical and hates to do things that doesn't fit its internal logic.
People have different values & goals in life. No everyone is ambitious, driven and obsessed by self-development likes the ENTJs.
I think it's important to let people be who they are and to learn their own lessons because otherwise they may not be ready. 




As for not being emotionally expressive - I don't think it's INTP's forte  Fe inferior is quite difficult to develop. Maybe it's also a Ti thing - we can overthink & be very cynical. So if someone tells a Ti user "I love you" the Ti user may overthink & doubt it ... & Ti loves a smart/witty answer - and not always a romantic one. It's great you're able to express your affection as an ENTJ 




With all that being said, I understand what you feel to some extend.
My ISTP ex was very down to earth and he didn't plan past the year, he was super smart but never finished college because he didn't see the point (he wanted to play professional sport) and I couldn't deal with it long term, I couldn't see a future with him.
That's what I love with my INTJ husband - we both love to improve, learn, we have big dreams and we're not afraid to do everything to make them reality. We brainstorm about how the world would be in 200 years, we're both ambitious dreamers.
But other things are more difficult to deal with (like emotional stuffs & Fe/Fi clashes)




So it's a matter of choice - of what's the most important for you in your partner, _it's impossible to have everything _


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## jadevignette (Mar 18, 2016)

There4GoEye said:


> "Do you love me?"
> "Yup"
> "Can you do something to show you love me?"
> "Right now?"
> ...


This is years out of date but INTJs are fabulously expressive when writing words of love here the romance can come shining through. The other way is through touch the SE inferior is so sensual. Melts hearts.


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