# Smile



## KingKong (Jul 26, 2009)

This has been a reoccurring "problem" of mine for a while and only recently has it started to piss me off... people constantly ask me why I don't smile often, and then tell me I need to smile more. The only time I smile is when I'm genuinely happy, which is usually only around close friends or when I think of something hilarious. If I'm not happy why would I smile? There's no worse feeling than faking a smile (...arguably). I always just brushed off their words and never actually considered that they were disappointed when I didn't smile. But I've started to notice they become either frustrated, sad, or even angry when I show them I'm not going to fake a smile. I can't ignore them and give them the usual "I don't give a fuck" because these are people I see and need every day. Anyone else have this problem?


----------



## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

I get this all the time - from men I don't know, not from friends. "You'd be prettier if you'd smile." "Hey, you dropped your smile." It's really offensive to me. I'm walking down the street thinking to myself not bothering anyone or trying to interact with anyone and someone has to butt into my thoughts with a statement that seems to imply that I have some sort of public obligation to smile. 

Like I said though, my friends have never said that to me. Perhaps I smile around them at appropriate times or perhaps they are my friends because they accept me for who I am.


----------



## Rourk (Feb 17, 2009)

I get this a lot too. I learned the art of fake smiling. Try it. It disarms these people and I can usually see them from a mile away. These people who don't think are bothered by people who do. I had a brilliant math teacher who stretched his smile and I always laughed about it. Have you ever noticed? The muscles strain more. I notice it more now. I'm hoping over time the stretch/strain dissipate while I am in character out in the environment.


----------



## NastyCat (Sep 20, 2009)

People think I'm depressed when I don't smile (I'm sorry I'm not the kind of person who smiles for no reason). Apparently, if I don't smile, everyone else gets all depressed or at least is 'negatively' affected by it.

It can be pretty insulting when someone says to you "You have a warm and uplifting smile so you should smile more often". Especially if they don't know you that well...

I've learned to smile as a reflex. I guess you could call it fake...:dry:


----------



## Rourk (Feb 17, 2009)

NastyCat said:


> People think I'm depressed when I don't smile (I'm sorry I'm not the kind of person who smiles for no reason). Apparently, if I don't smile, everyone else gets all depressed or at least is 'negatively' affected by it.
> 
> It can be pretty insulting when someone says to you "You have a warm and uplifting smile so you should smile more often". Especially if they don't know you that well...
> 
> I've learned to smile as a reflex. I guess you could call it fake...:dry:


 
You intp's crack me up. I have a conversation with you and get nowhere because you chameleon me and I'm too afraid to ask you for help. So what happens is a stale mate and then we cancel each other out. it's rather comical


----------



## NastyCat (Sep 20, 2009)

Rourk said:


> You intp's crack me up. I have a conversation with you and get nowhere because you chameleon me and I'm too afraid to ask you for help. So what happens is a stale mate and then we cancel each other out. it's rather comical


:shocked:

That is very true. :sad:

INTPs' social goal: Stop chameleoning!


----------



## HenRickunit (Aug 26, 2009)

KingKong said:


> This has been a reoccurring "problem" of mine for a while and only recently has it started to piss me off... people constantly ask me why I don't smile often, and then tell me I need to smile more. The only time I smile is when I'm genuinely happy, which is usually only around close friends or when I think of something hilarious. If I'm not happy why would I smile? There's no worse feeling than faking a smile (...arguably). I always just brushed off their words and never actually considered that they were disappointed when I didn't smile. But I've started to notice they become either frustrated, sad, or even angry when I show them I'm not going to fake a smile. I can't ignore them and give them the usual "I don't give a fuck" because these are people I see and need every day. Anyone else have this problem?


 









Hope it helps this makes me smile :blushed:. I think they would find it rather funny. You might crack your self up doing it.


----------



## Jrquinlisk (Jan 17, 2009)

KingKong said:


> This has been a reoccurring "problem" of mine for a while and only recently has it started to piss me off... people constantly ask me why I don't smile often, and then tell me I need to smile more. The only time I smile is when I'm genuinely happy, which is usually only around close friends or when I think of something hilarious. If I'm not happy why would I smile? There's no worse feeling than faking a smile (...arguably). I always just brushed off their words and never actually considered that they were disappointed when I didn't smile. But I've started to notice they become either frustrated, sad, or even angry when I show them I'm not going to fake a smile. I can't ignore them and give them the usual "I don't give a fuck" because these are people I see and need every day. Anyone else have this problem?


I don't know if I've actually gotten this very much. I only recall hearing similar sentiments from a couple of friends. They seemed to interpret my blank expression as sorrowful, bordering on depressed. It usually goes something like this:



> *Friend* [approaching me]: What's wrong?
> *Me* [confused]: ...Nothing, why?
> *Friend*: You seemed sad.
> *Me*: Nope.


I actually find these exchanges rather amusing, because they've so poorly misjudged me.

Then there's that whole _moé_-pet thing with the anime club...

On the exceedingly rare occasions that other people ask me to smile, I just flash that sinister grin that we NTs seem to be so good at. That's usually enough to settle the matter.



HenRickunit said:


> Hope it helps this makes me smile :blushed:. I think they would find it rather funny. You might crack your self up doing it.


All right, I'll admit it; that did get a bit of a chuckle out of me.:happy:


----------



## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

KingKong said:


> This has been a reoccurring "problem" of mine for a while and only recently has it started to piss me off... people constantly ask me why I don't smile often, and then tell me I need to smile more. The only time I smile is when I'm genuinely happy, which is usually only around close friends or when I think of something hilarious. If I'm not happy why would I smile? There's no worse feeling than faking a smile (...arguably). I always just brushed off their words and never actually considered that they were disappointed when I didn't smile. But I've started to notice they become either frustrated, sad, or even angry when I show them I'm not going to fake a smile. I can't ignore them and give them the usual "I don't give a fuck" because these are people I see and need every day. Anyone else have this problem?


happens to me too, people assume "whats wrong". question for you though, do people who smile, and laugh constantly bother you? even when something is just a tad bit funny, they act like it is some classic SNL shit, and they are going to piss their pants. a girl at my work does this, and it drives me bonkers..


----------



## KingKong (Jul 26, 2009)

SeekJess said:


> happens to me too, people assume "whats wrong". question for you though, do people who smile, and laugh constantly bother you? even when something is just a tad bit funny, they act like it is some classic SNL shit, and they are going to piss their pants. a girl at my work does this, and it drives me bonkers..


lol yeah that bothers me too. There's something about other people's happiness that irks me. Occasional laughter doesn't, but the incredibly invasive over-the-top happiness like you explained does. 



> I get this a lot too. I learned the art of fake smiling. Try it. It disarms these people and I can usually see them from a mile away. These people who don't think are bothered by people who do. I had a brilliant math teacher who stretched his smile and I always laughed about it. Have you ever noticed? The muscles strain more. I notice it more now. I'm hoping over time the stretch/strain dissipate while I am in character out in the environment.


I used to be a master at fake smiling, being the chameleon and all. Then I realized it never put me in any mood greater than when I stopped doing so, and it hurt my jaw. The Ne-Fe combination seems to force INTP's to try and come to harmony, but my Ti couldn't take it anymore. The strain will never dissipate, trust me!


----------



## SilverScorpio17 (Nov 13, 2009)

People used to say that to me too. I usually gave them a half smile that was so fake that they didn't ask again. If you see and need them every day, I'd consider trying to learn how to fake smile a little. Maybe.


----------



## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

I had a really nice post written to this, but I pressed the wrong button and the internet ate it :sad:

In summary, I basically said that I appreciate your not-smile because it's like a cool stone on a hot day, and is nice to just sit and press your face against (we're talking metaphorically here, I don't really want to press my face against your head ). It's a calming sight to my hyperactive emotional energy. I kind of get like one of those spinning robots in Robot Wars that spin and spin and spin and nothing can stop it, but eventually it unleashes so much energy that it begins to rip itself apart...

So yeah. Your smile (or lackthereof) is a lot like the epinephrine to my anaphylaxis lol

Sometimes it feels good to be kind of edgy and running on too high a gear, then have the sight of you kind of slow me down a bit. And it's like a shiny thing (I'm easily fascinated by shiny things), where once you've calmed me down, I like to just watch you not smile and try to dig into what you're feeling underneath your still, calm surface. You guys are like wind chimes in that way. You're never going too fast or too slow, you're just going with whatever. And when I hear (see) you, it reminds me that I need to just stop and kind of listen to you and become one with the flow of things instead of rushing to the beat of hectic rhythms I tend to throw myself into roud:

So yeah. Next time someone asks you that, just remember that it's not you lacking a smile, it's them trying to resist the flow you remind them that they're working outside of.

What's that Gandalf saying? A wizard is never early, and never late: a wizard arrives when a wizard means to arrive?

Or something, idk. Just think of that, and apply it to you smiling lol


----------



## alanv (Aug 29, 2009)

Give them the old rational dry humor to disarm them. "Why don't you smile?" Because I'm considering going on a shooting rampage. Because I was born with a brain that works, etc. That works for me, they either get it or they just stop fucking with me. If they get it, then they are probably worth befriending.


----------

