# Help with social awkwardness



## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

I'm really awkward around people. When someone says something to me I just feel really uncomfortable and sometimes I can't say anything at all. The way I walk is awkward too. A couple people at school always go "she's so awkward," when I walk by even. I don't have any friends in school, only a couple outside of it. Even when I do job interviews I'm awkward so I can't get a job to help with my people/social skills. People won't talk to me because I'm awkward, and I can't talk to them, so it seems like there's no way to fix being awkward. I can't get a job, I can't talk to people I don't know well and I can't carry on conversations with people. I spend a lot of my time just watching, tv, gaming, playing on the computer, solving sudoku, word puzzles, etc.. and listening to music, writing stories. I don't know how to fix being socially awkward. I don't care too much about making friends with people at my school but I want to be able to function normally in society when I'm older and be more charismatic. Is it possible to fix social awkwardness because it seems like a never-ending cycle..?:bored:

I'm always worrying about saying the wrong thing and coming off as awkward that my mind just kind of blanks and I end up doing what I fear the most (in regards to social interaction anyway)


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

I know just how you feel. I have social anxiety disorder, so I'm generally a paranoid bundle of nerves around people.

The thing I find so frustrating about being an INFP is that you have such a rich, inner world of thoughts and feelings but for some crazy reason it only translates to written word and not spoken. Do you relate to this at all? It sounds as though you might.

Trust me when I tell you that we introverts have our own brand of talents that more than compensate for our social shortcomings. Some of the greatest minds that ever existed were those of socially awkward introverts.


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## RandomNote (Apr 10, 2013)

Yep i get where yer coming from was like that two in school (mostly middle school though). I got better at speaking to others by......well not caring. I just got so annoyed by the whole unable to speak well to others that i just stopped caring and spoke up. Unfortunately now im blunt and can come off as rude/hostile so i have to censor myself when i need to. It was kinda like "one problem down another to go!" sorta outcome.

Other than not caring and getting a thicker skin my advice sorta ends there.......probably not much help.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

It is only a self-feeding circle because you refuse to break out of it. :mellow:


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

In case you didn't notice, the way you are talking right now seems like having a normal conversation. The thing is though that you never really thought very deeply about your problem. You rather play games or solve silly puzzles and now you're hoping that we provide you with some sort of easy solution or maybe you're just venting out hoping that other people will feel the same way as you do and that might make you feel secure. That is not how you fix problems.

If you care about what other people think, you become their prisoner. Is that what you want? I think your fear is related to past experiences and the projection of those experiences into a future situation you made up which prevents you from seeing the right now. I mean, what problem do you have right now? You don't have a problem unless you start to think about future situations that are not pleasant and those past experiences. So the problem takes place in the mind only right now. So you have to change your way of thinking.

When we want to become something - in your case more social - it means there is desire and hope. Those things have nothing to do with right now, it only makes you feel depressed later. So as soon as you want to become something, you are no longer free. In your case you become attached to how other people perceive you. Probably because it might give you validation and an ego boost if they will. That is a terrible form of dependency.


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

I think you need to make a new start perhaps. Like change your school(if possible and willing to). This way people don't know you are awkward and shit and your fear will lessen a bit, because the people you talk to won't have this expectation/idea of you. This was and is my biggest problem with SA. Next to that I had a slap in the face sometime so I don't really care so much what people think anymore. I quickly realized lots of stuff in a super short period of time.


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

All in Twilight said:


> In case you didn't notice, the way you are talking right now seems like having a normal conversation. The thing is though that you never really thought very deeply about your problem. You rather play games or solve silly puzzles and now you're hoping that we provide you with some sort of easy solution or maybe you're just venting out hoping that other people will feel the same way as you do and that might make you feel secure. That is not how you fix problems.
> 
> If you care about what other people think, you become their prisoner. Is that what you want? I think your fear is related to past experiences and the projection of those experiences into a future situation you made up which prevents you from seeing the right now. I mean, what problem do you have right now? You don't have a problem unless you start to think about future situations that are not pleasant and those past experiences. So the problem takes place in the mind only right now. So you have to change your way of thinking.
> 
> When we want to become something - in your case more social - it means there is desire and hope. Those things have nothing to do with right now, it only makes you feel depressed later. So as soon as you want to become something, you are no longer free. In your case you become attached to how other people perceive you. Probably because it might give you validation and an ego boost if they will. That is a terrible form of dependency.


Well my reputation is pretty much set in stone, being here for 3 years and making absolutley no friends. People don't really want to converse with the biggest loner in school so to a degree it seems I have to care what people will think. When I write something online or write on a piece of paper I can actually come off as intelligent. In real life i just sound like a babbling idiot.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> Well my reputation is pretty much set in stone, being here for 3 years and making absolutley no friends. People don't really want to converse with the biggest loner in school so to a degree it seems I have to care what people will think. When I write something online or write on a piece of paper I can actually come off as intelligent. In real life i just sound like a babbling idiot.


Reputation is past so forget about all that. And now you are victimizing yourself and complaining. No one wants to listen to a complainer only other complainers want to - in your case, other loners. When we complain, we can't accept what is and you become negative. No one likes negativity so you shut people out and people shut you out as well. Or you accept what is and totally accept it or you do something about it. But complaining doesn't solve anything. 

Young people are always worried about how other people perceive them and that is why they don't want to talk to you. They might get bullied by their friends for hanging out with you and they might lose their cool - their reputation. Don't you see how limited their lives are? Just as limited as yours. And do you really want to hang out with people who can't accept you? I know I wouldn't. But can you live with yourself? Can you accept yourself? If you can, then you are not their prisoner anymore. But you're lonely and seek validation outside yourself. That is not confidence. Confidence is the total acceptance of yourself without relying on sources outside yourself. When you're confident, things will grow naturally and friendships will arise. 

So first you must free yourself from this anxiety that prevents you to fully function. And I have already explained in my previous post how fear comes into being. So start right now changing your attitude, you don't want to be a loner who still can't talk to a beautiful woman when you're 30 years old.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

Come hang out with us in the INFP forum. You'll find a lot of us have similar struggles. I just added you as a friend.

Maybe that should tell you that it might be more _them_ and not so much _you._


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

All in Twilight said:


> Reputation is past so forget about all that. And now you are victimizing yourself and complaining. No one wants to listen to a complainer only other complainers want to - in your case, other loners. When we complain, we can't accept what is and you become negative. No one likes negativity so you shut people out and people shut you out as well. Or you accept what is and totally accept it or you do something about it. But complaining doesn't solve anything.
> 
> Young people are always worried about how other people perceive them and that is why they don't want to talk to you. They might get bullied by their friends for hanging out with you and they might lose their cool - their reputation. Don't you see how limited their lives are? Just as limited as yours. And do you really want to hang out with people who can't accept you? I know I wouldn't. But can you live with yourself? Can you accept yourself? If you can, then you are not their prisoner anymore. But you're lonely and seek validation outside yourself. That is not confidence. Confidence is the total acceptance of yourself without relying on sources outside yourself. When you're confident, things will grow naturally and friendships will arise.
> 
> So first you must free yourself from this anxiety that prevents you to fully function. And I have already explained in my previous post how fear comes into being. So start right now changing your attitude, you don't want to be a loner *who still can't talk to a beautiful woman when you're 30 years *old.


How is reputation the past if it's going on constantly? I'm not trying to victimize myself or complain but I literally don't speak to anyone all day at school and when I am spoken to I just go weird and come across as awkward and they give me a strange "what the hell is **her** problem?" look.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> How is reputation the past if it's going on constantly? I'm not trying to victimize myself or complain but I literally don't speak to anyone all day at school and when I am spoken to I just go weird and come across as awkward and they give me a strange "what the hell is **her** problem?" look.


Don't worry about it. I went through hell in high school when it came to interacting with peers. I'm assuming you're in high school. Trust me, all of that goes away the minute you leave. Those people who bring misery to your life will be a distant memory before you know it.

There's a lot of immaturity in the high school environment, and a lot of that gets weeded out when everybody hits the real world. For some it's a cold taste of reality, for others it's a liberation in finding out that the world isn't as nauseatingly immature when you're an adult.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> How is reputation the past if it's going on constantly? I'm not trying to victimize myself or complain but I literally don't speak to anyone all day at school and when I am spoken to I just go weird and come across as awkward and they give me a strange "what the hell is **her** problem?" look.


Mweh, I don't care who you are because I don't need validation or recognition. I don't judge you. People who judge are suffering themselves and it will only get worse later in their lives. Your thread started off as a rant and now look what happened. You attracted a guy (@Monsieur Melancholy) who wants you to join a sub forum where people complain about their loneliness. Isn't that what I predicted? Now I am sure he is a nice guy (yeah, you're cool) but he is not offering and neither is there a solution to be found in the INFP sub forum, it still exists after all because one fool can't help the other fool. He is hiding the problem underneath a curtain of comforting words, "let's be lonely together, suffer together and complain together." You attract and become what you think so think differently.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

All in Twilight said:


> Mweh, I don't care who you are because I don't need validation or recognition. I don't judge you. People who judge are suffering themselves and it will only get worse later in their lives. Your thread started off as a rant and now look what happened. You attracted a guy (@Monsieur Melancholy) who wants you to join a sub forum where people complain about their loneliness. Isn't that what I predicted? Now I am sure he is a nice guy (yeah, you're cool) but he is not offering and neither is there a solution to be found in the INFP sub forum, it still exists after all because one fool can't help the other fool. He is hiding the problem underneath a curtain of comforting words, "let's be lonely together, suffer together and complain together." You attract and become what you think so think differently.


Mmm, that's one way of looking at my intentions I suppose.

My purpose for inviting her up to the INFP forum was so she could get more empathy (which is what I think she may be more or less looking for, rather than a solution, which may not be an easy one to uncover since a lot of this is based on the actions of other people affecting someone who reports having social anxiety disorder). She talks about being lonely and having no friends, so I invited her to be my friend. It's not so we can complain about being lonely together. It's to show her that there are like-minded people out there she can be friends with.

No one needs to suffer sadness alone.


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

All in Twilight said:


> Mweh, I don't care who you are because I don't need validation or recognition. I don't judge you. People who judge are suffering themselves and it will only get worse later in their lives. Your thread started off as a rant and now look what happened. You attracted a guy (@Monsieur Melancholy) who wants you to join a sub forum where people complain about their loneliness. Isn't that what I predicted? Now I am sure he is a nice guy (yeah, you're cool) but he is not offering and neither is there a solution to be found in the INFP sub forum, it still exists after all because one fool can't help the other fool. He is hiding the problem underneath a curtain of comforting words, "let's be lonely together, suffer together and complain together." You attract and become what you think so think differently.


I was kind of hoping some more extraverted people could give some tips about *how *to be more self-confident or something of the sort, and to be honest you're offering no real solutions either. You're just telling me "be more confident," "stop caring what people think, etc, etc...) If I could do those things I would but I need more tips about how to do it. In all honesty I probably need therapy and/or medication. I've been this way since I was 11 years old. You basically in your last post just inferred I was a lesbian as well.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> I was kind of hoping some more extraverted people could give some tips about *how *to be more self-confident or something of the sort, and to be honest you're offering no real solutions either. You're just telling me "be more confident," "stop caring what people think, etc, etc...) If I could do those things I would but I need more tips about how to do it. In all honesty I probably need therapy and/or medication. I've been this way since I was 11 years old. You basically in your last post just inferred I was a lesbian as well.


This is what I sometimes observe with the sensing/thinking/judging types. They tend to go into that "get over it/think differently/do something different" zone of logic that isn't that cut and dry for *NFP types. It's just different functioning. Nobody's right or wrong. INFP's draw their strength from within, and when that inner reservoir of strength has been drained and dried up, they need a good support group of empathetic people in order to reignite them, or else they can easily slip into depression. So that's what I had in mind when I offered you come up to our forum. You'll see that you're not as alone as you think you might be, and that it's absolutely normal to feel the way you do.

Social anxiety disorder is a legitimate mental health issue that can be treated in various ways. So it's unreasonable for someone to ask us to just snap our fingers, think differently, and get over it.


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

Monsieur Melancholy said:


> This is what I sometimes observe with the sensing/thinking/judging types. They tend to go into that "get over it/think differently/do something different" zone of logic that isn't that cut and dry for *NFP types. It's just different functioning. Nobody's right or wrong. INFP's draw their strength from within, and when that inner reservoir of strength has been drained and dried up, they need a good support group of empathetic people in order to reignite them, or else they can easily slip into depression. So that's what I had in mind when I offered you come up to our forum. You'll see that you're not as alone as you think you might be, and that it's absolutely normal to feel the way you do. Thanks I'll try looking in more in the INFP forum Social anxiety disorder is a legitimate mental health issue that can be treated in various ways. So it's unreasonable for someone to ask us to just snap our fingers, think differently, and get over it.



Yeah >.< my mom is an ISXJ and she tells me the exact same things twilight was saying to me in regards to social anxiety and such. Though my mom told me she suffered from it when she was younger she always tells me "Stop caring about what others think.." "Give people a chance," "Oh you can tell they TRY to be "friends," with you," which is why I don't share anything with my mom anymore. My family cannot afford therapy or anything of the sort though.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> Yeah >.< my mom is an ISXJ and she tells me the exact same things twilight was saying to me in regards to social anxiety and such. Though my mom told me she suffered from it when she was younger she always tells me "Stop caring about what others think.." "Give people a chance," "Oh you can tell they TRY to be "friends," with you," which is why I don't share anything with my mom anymore. My family cannot afford therapy or anything of the sort though.


It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. It's pretty much as simple as that. Take it from someone who has social anxiety disorder and has been in cognitive-behavioural therapy for ten months now.

If you can't go out into the world and be 100% yourself and feel good and express yourself in all the positive ways I'm sure you know how to without getting flack from others or putting up with BS, then that's their problem, not yours. People are threatened by things they don't understand. And someone disrespecting you needlessly says more about their character than it does yours. They'll learn eventually when they get out into the real world that you have to treat other people with the same respect you would like to receive, or else you don't get very far.

In short, screw 'em.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> I was kind of hoping some more extraverted people could give some tips about *how *to be more self-confident or something of the sort, and to be honest you're offering no real solutions either. You're just telling me "be more confident," "stop caring what people think, etc, etc...) If I could do those things I would but I need more tips about how to do it. In all honesty I probably need therapy and/or medication. I've been this way since I was 11 years old. You basically in your last post just inferred I was a lesbian as well.


and @_Monsieur Melancholy_

Firstly, I am an ENFP but I am being as objective and rational as I can be. I am also one of the very few people here who actually read Jung and understand his descriptions of the functions. I am sure you have seen some other posts of mine. Fi is a rational function. Empathy doesn't do anything. Empathy offers you temporary comfort but when that is gone, you go back to your former anxious self. Psychologists still weren't able to solve the problem of fear, depression and anxiety. They just stuff you with chemicals but when I take your chemicals away, you still have a silly thinking pattern. 

I am not going to give the solution. I want you to think about it yourself and I can support you on that journey. Inquire very deeply because only then you can totally feel inwardly what is going on. I only hinted things out. And again, like I said, you are waiting for other people to give you a solution. Have you ever sat quietly in the corner of your room for a few days straight and thought very deeply about your problem? No, you haven't. It's your life and you don't want to invest in it?


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

All in Twilight said:


> Empathy doesn't do anything. Empathy offers you temporary comfort but when that is gone, you go back to your former anxious self. Psychologists still weren't able to solve the problem of fear, depression and anxiety. They just stuff you with chemicals but when I take you chemicals, you still have a silly thinking pattern.


Well, that's one person's view on empathy. I personally feel that the world could use more of it and a more enlightened understanding that we're all human and have more in common than we like to think, rather than gossiping about each other and vilifying and demonizing each other all the time. Sorry if I sound like a hippie, but I don't really understand why people feel the need to be so nasty toward each other when we're all basically fighting for similar things in life. Empathy for others reinforces the idea that we're all on the same team, which is beneficial for everyone.

Fear, depression, and anxiety aren't things you necessarily cure. They're not tangible bacteria and viruses that can be obliterated. Instead, they are symptoms that can be _treated_ when they reach extremities where function is inhibited. This is why medications are used.

My gut tells me that the OP has had a rough go of it with other people giving her a hard time, so she wants to seek out people who can relate. Her needs are more emotional than rational, which is why I've expressed a more comforting rather than objective tone.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

Monsieur Melancholy said:


> Well, that's one person's view on empathy. I personally feel that the world could use more of it and a more enlightened understanding that we're all human and have more in common than we like to think, rather than gossiping about each other and vilifying and demonizing each other all the time. Sorry if I sound like a hippie, but I don't really understand why people feel the need to be so nasty toward each other when we're all basically fighting for similar things in life. Empathy for others reinforces the idea that we're all on the same team, which is beneficial for everyone.
> 
> Fear, depression, and anxiety aren't things you necessarily cure. They're not tangible bacteria and viruses that can be obliterated. Instead, they are symptoms that can be _treated_ when they reach extremities where function is inhibited. This is why medications are used.
> 
> My gut tells me that the OP has had a rough go of it with other people giving her a hard time, so she wants to seek out people who can relate. Her needs are more emotional than rational, which is why I've expressed a more comforting rather than objective tone.


I agree here. We do have a lot more in common that we might think. People are inwardly the same everywhere. 

If the OP has a serious problem, then he or she can have my sympathy and that is why I replied. I am pretty cold and rational in my approach perhaps it seems but intonation and facial expression aren't visible right now.

In real life, I help people overcome their anxieties. it is my job but since psychologist weren't able to solve this problem, we have to look for another approach, a fresh approach. Unfortunately, I got interrupted which caused the flow to cease. I only speak truth, I do not do sentimental nonsense. I think that is why my "method" is quite successful. And I do care.

I was once clinically depressed, suffered from panic attacks and didn't dare to leave the house. I was terrified and can you imagine what impact that had on my life? No one was able to cure me and I have seen all these so called psychologists and other silly doctors with their irrational and silly methods. So I did it myself. I am the living proof that you can overcome all these things just by changing the way you think. I am totally free and suffering is something of the past. I have invested a lot of time in this and it is a complicated process but everyone can do it.


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

kashiee322 said:


> I don't know how to fix being socially awkward. I don't care too much about making friends with people at my school but I want to be able to function normally in society when I'm older and be more charismatic. Is it possible to fix social awkwardness because it seems like a never-ending cycle..?:bored:


First, have you considered counseling services to help you with this problem? You may have something where professional help could make sense in terms of having therapists or other professionals give ideas, provide support and work with you over a period of time to resolve the issue using techniques like Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectal Behavior Therapy, or a few other therapies that may make sense.

Second, are you socially awkward in *all *situations? Do you ever play games with other people in the same room? Perhaps there is something to be said for knowing which kinds of groups you relate well and which are worth avoiding as another idea here.

While you could study emotional intelligence, you'll likely need to have some form of mentor to act as a sounding board to see how things are going and what is or isn't working. Something else to consider here is that what some may see as awkward, may be charming to others or creepy to others.


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

jbking said:


> First, have you considered counseling services to help you with this problem? You may have something where professional help could make sense in terms of having therapists or other professionals give ideas, provide support and work with you over a period of time to resolve the issue using techniques like Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectal Behavior Therapy, or a few other therapies that may make sense.
> 
> Second, are you socially awkward in *all *situations? Do you ever play games with other people in the same room? Perhaps there is something to be said for knowing which kinds of groups you relate well and which are worth avoiding as another idea here.
> 
> While you could study emotional intelligence, you'll likely need to have some form of mentor to act as a sounding board to see how things are going and what is or isn't working. Something else to consider here is that what some may see as awkward, may be charming to others or creepy to others.


I can't afford a therapist or anything. My parents don't have a lot of money, nor do I have a job. I'm not overly awkward when I'm talking about something I'm really interested in, but most people don't have the same interests I do. I have a pretty good idea of people I could potentially fit in well with, but I'm afraid to approach any of them.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> I can't afford a therapist or anything. My parents don't have a lot of money, nor do I have a job. I'm not overly awkward when I'm talking about something I'm really interested in, but most people don't have the same interests I do. I have a pretty good idea of people I could potentially fit in well with, but I'm afraid to approach any of them.


Where do you live?


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

Southern Ontario. I had one counselor before but she was kind of a bitch


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## Tao Te Ching (May 3, 2013)

I cannot help you. What helped me was to move to a new town and take a lot of social chances, I failed mostly about 5 years, then I failed less.


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

Well a few days straight of sitting in a dark corner seems a little depressing, even for me. What you said about empathy offering temporary comfort I find is actually true. k i give up


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

kashiee322 said:


> I can't afford a therapist or anything. My parents don't have a lot of money, nor do I have a job. I'm not overly awkward when I'm talking about something I'm really interested in, but most people don't have the same interests I do. I have a pretty good idea of people I could potentially fit in well with, but I'm afraid to approach any of them.


I do remember seeing a counselor when I was in university for a few months that didn't have a cost to me, so it may help to seek out if there are options for students or those wanting help.

If you are in a large city, then Meetup.com may have groups that could be useful for just finding those that share your interests that may help with getting practice as some of your issues may be around not having enough practice around people to develop skills.

For what it is worth, I grew up in Chatham, Ontario which is almost as Southern in Ontario as you can get in the county next to Essex.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

kashiee322 said:


> Southern Ontario. I had one counselor before but she was kind of a bitch


I don't know what the system is like in Ontario, but I'm in Newfoundland and there's a division of health clinics here devoted to addictions and mental health. I've been a client of theirs since last August and there isn't any charge. There also isn't any charge for me to see a psychiatrist. Is it different in Ontario? I'd look into it.


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## Blothmath (May 25, 2013)

you should definitely NOT seek mental health care on the internet, not even here. 
as you see, you will get different oppinions, maybe reinforcing your feels of being a loner. 
definitely check out your type forum, write some things, talk with others having the same preferences as you. 
and always remind, telling by your profile, you'r "only" 16. 
I don't want to say things like "everything you achieved in your life so far was playing videogames" or some BS. 
But you still have a lot of potential for growth. Use it. You can still hone this unpolished diamond liying inside of you:kitteh:


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

Blothmath said:


> you should definitely NOT seek mental health care on the internet, not even here.
> as you see, you will get different oppinions, maybe reinforcing your feels of being a loner.
> definitely check out your type forum, write some things, talk with others having the same preferences as you.
> and always remind, telling by your profile, you'r "only" 16.
> ...


I'm still too uncertain about my type to go and post regularly in any forum made specifically for a certain type. I don't really have anywhere else to seek mental health care, which is why I come on the Internet. I don't like talking to my parents about my problems. They seem to think it's all in my head, etc, etc.. I don't know which area my potential for growth really lies just yet. I'm still trying to figure that out as well.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

Trust me when I tell you I had nothing figured out when I was sixteen. I was eighteen or nineteen before things really started making sense for me. Hang in there!


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## Moonrise (Mar 22, 2013)

kashiee322 said:


> I'm really *awkward* around people. When someone says something to me I just feel really uncomfortable and sometimes I can't say anything at all. The way I walk is *awkward* too. A couple people at school always go "she's so *awkward*," when I walk by even. I don't have any friends in school, only a couple outside of it. Even when I do job interviews I'm *awkward* so I can't get a job to help with my people/social skills. People won't talk to me because I'm *awkward*, and I can't talk to them, so it seems like there's no way to fix being *awkward*. I can't get a job, I can't talk to people I don't know well and I can't carry on conversations with people. I spend a lot of my time just watching, tv, gaming, playing on the computer, solving sudoku, word puzzles, etc.. and listening to music, writing stories. I don't know how to fix being socially *awkward*. I don't care too much about making friends with people at my school but I want to be able to function normally in society when I'm older and be more charismatic. Is it possible to fix social *awkwardness* because it seems like a never-ending cycle..?:bored:
> 
> *I'm always worrying* about saying the wrong thing and coming off as awkward that my mind just kind of blanks and I end up doing what I fear the most (in regards to social interaction anyway)


Is it just me or is the word awkward beginning to sound a little weird?
From what I can guess at, it's a self repeating cycle because it's always floating around in your skull. Would that sound accurate? The more you think and worry about being awkward while talking or, as you said, walking, the less room there is in your head for focussing on conversation, for walking normally, etc. You seem to have defined yourself as an entity that is completely: *Awkward*.

What worked for me (I've had the exact same problem) is:
Just talk to interesting people. Conversationalism is a learned skill.
Be yourself, embrace all the glorious idiocy that you (may or may not) feel is you.
Find cool people. My close friends are- a bubbly, weird writer, a quiet computer genius, a hippie-vegan-artist, an aspiring poet and a political enthusiast who has made it his life goal to learn 100+ languages. They're weird, but they're my flavour of weird.

Also, those people who make comments as you pass, they sound like ignorant, mean people. Avoid them. Perhaps there's that quiet group who say nothing or simply smile and grace you with basic human dignity when you're around? Aim for those kind of people, just strike up a conversation with someone you want to be friends with (I know it's scary as hell, but I did it dealing with social anxiety and still suffer from it to some extent. It's scary but so, so worth it).

You can disregard what I said, I'm me, you're you, I might be talking rubbish. Who knows?

Good luck


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## Blothmath (May 25, 2013)

kashiee322 said:


> I'm still too uncertain about my type to go and post regularly in any forum made specifically for a certain type.(...). I don't know which area my potential for growth really lies just yet. I'm still trying to figure that out as well.


The "specifical" forums are full of posts of other types. In the end we are all humans. except NT forums ofc :tongue: you better watch what you're saying over there(jk, i love INTJs, they're just a bit harsh). But the dreamers are quite open, and since _i believe_ you fit the dreamer personality very well, maybe start in the NF forum without any specific type. 


so the last sentence sounds a lot like growth already! 
You _try_ to find out who you are, instead of giving yourself up, which is a great achievement in our generation! 

maybe you need more information about types. are you familiar with all 8 cognitive functions, or did you just do some test on the net? and the best way to find out your type would involve asking other peoples about it. since you don't seem to be that "open" in real life, maybe you will find some nice being here with enough experience to help you. I'm sure Monsieur will help you.


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

I've only JUST started looking up the 8 cognitive functions. 
I took the cognitive functions test on here just a minute ago and I scored:
Ne - Fi - Fe - Ti - Ni - Se - Te - Si

With Ne-Fi being "very developed" Fe-Ti-Ni-Se-Te being "moderately developed and Si being poorly developed. 

But that was only one test so I'm not going to take it seriously. I have to go to bed soon  so I can't look them up right now


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## Blothmath (May 25, 2013)

damn, a bed  
well then, good night and good luck with study tomorrow :kitteh:


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

I think first you need to know what part of socializing is awkward, and work on that. While I did have a brain fart at my 20th high school reunion, I asked what people were doing so it looked like I cared about them. You need to realize, people are not out to get you, and everyone has broccoli between the teeth, it's just some are better at hiding it, you just need to sally forth. And they were glad to see me.


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## love_mercy (Jun 16, 2013)

Hi sweetie! I can relate to an extent and I feel for you. I know it can be annoying having people say things like 'it doesn't matter what people think of you' etc - it's important for us to have a balanced view, and know that we shouldn't rely on others and their opinions for our understanding of our self-worth/value (especially people who don't matter, or are unkind, etc.), while at the same time knowing that some of the things that we want, such as having friends who value us, are completely natural and legitimate for us to want and value. So while I agree that it doesn't matter 'what people think' in the sense of unkind strangers and that sort of thing, imho, it would be nice if people understood that it does matter what certain people think, because if everyone thought such things about us that they didn't care about us or want to get to know us etc, then we would have no/few friends, and it's ok to care about that (in my opinion). Especially for some of us, to whom people and relationships can perhaps be a little more central to our general happiness, life goals, etc. than others (for example, some people have different hobbies and things that they get really passionate about, and for an ENFP like me, people often are our greatest 'hobby', so it can be a bigger deal to us if we feel like people don't want to be around us or whatever). 
Basically, I understand and respect your concern; how difficult it is; and how it can feel like some people don't really get it.

I don't know what the best advice is for you, but there are probably some books or online articles that might give advice on making friends or overcoming social awkwardness. Maybe if you joined some clubs or something and did some activities with people, you would get to know each other a bit better. Also, gradually making friends (or at least becoming 'friendly acquaintances') with really 'nice', friendly sort of people will probably be a good start, because they're more likely to give you the kindness and friendship that you're looking for, and this can give you more confidence with people in general. Maybe try some simple things, like giving people a brief smile when you pass them (not in a creepy way, but in a friendly, well-meaning sort of way); then try giving occasional compliments when you feel it's appropriate (e.g. if you like someone's skirt, smile and tell them so). Eventually you might move to small talk with people. These building blocks can help you to have positive interactions with people in a non-threatening way, which can help to build your confidence and maybe begin to develop your relationships with people around you so that you can eventually have more friendships and social ease 

Something important to remember is that people can sometimes get scared away when they feel that people are being excessively needy or clingy or anything like that, so if you initiate interaction with a new person, maybe keep it brief and don't come across as /too/ friendly or wanting to become best friends right away or something like that.

Remember that it can take a while; also, some people are mean or intolerant, and that's not your fault. 

Everyone has good things about them that can be appreciated and valued by the right people - maybe you haven't found enough of those people, and that's probably partly because you're not letting them get to know you. I know it can be hard but sometimes you have to take a chance and be a bit brave - perhaps it will help to remind yourself that going on like this is probably worse than trying to be a bit more social, even though it can feel pretty uncomfortable. You are a beautiful person with so much to offer to people - find ways that you can remind yourself of your good points and you'll probably feel much more confident  Remember to smile - people aren't so big on people who they feel are burdensome or depressing or negative, but they love positivity, cheerfulness, and kindness, so if you come across as kind, carefree, and positive, it can really help! 
All the best, and God bless  xoxo


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## Laguna (Mar 21, 2012)

@kashiee322 for what it's worth, can I say I have some envy about you? As I have the opposite issue- being MAJORLY outwardly ENFP social. When I was young, it was out of control. I literally could not rein it in.  So people look at you like, "awkward girl is a loner!" and people looked at me like, "awkward girl is so loud- I want to bash her face in!" 

It's great you want to change this- as it means you want to interract more with people. If you truly have a social anxiety disorder, this is something you can work on professionally. I would definitely not rule that out- cuz maybe there are some answers there that can help you.

As for "tips" in social situations- I would love to help. I helped another PerC member with the same type of stuff. PM me please- and we can chat about it if you'd like.

And yeah- like others have said, your writing and interracting out here is awesome!! No reason that can't be translated to real life "talking" situations. 

Hang in there. We all have our challenges in life. Facing them is the hardest part. You'll get this!!


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