# Do you dislike crying in front of others?



## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

I would think that this would be a primarily "thinker" behavior/habit, and yet I'm this way. Whenever I feel the need to cry in public (or in front of anyone), I feel as though I need to hide it at all costs - and I'm not sure why. I have yet to ever feel comfortable crying in front of someone. Even if someone tells me that they want me to open up, I can't do it. 

Are you like this? If so, why do you think that is?


----------



## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

I am, and I think it's the Fi.


----------



## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

I'd think anyone who actually _likes_ to cry in front of others is being manipulative, but that's just my perception... o_o

Yeah, I absolutely loathe it and will avoid doing that in public at all costs. I hate anything that could be construed as personal vulnerability, and displaying such personal weakness is humiliating and disgraceful (to me).

But I don't judge people who do it that harshly; then I just want to make them feel better or something. I don't know why I have different standards.


----------



## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> I'd think anyone who actually _likes_ to cry in front of others is being manipulative, but that's just my perception... o_o
> 
> Yeah, I absolutely loathe it and will avoid doing that in public at all costs. I hate anything that could be construed as personal vulnerability, and displaying such personal weakness is humiliating and disgraceful (to me).
> 
> But I don't judge people who do it that harshly; then I just want to make them feel better or something. I don't know why I have different standards.


I wasn't suggesting that anyone does, though I do know women who cry to gain sympathy. 

I've met quite a few people who cry openly in front of friends, or at least aren't totally uncomfortable with it. It always baffles me when someone is that way. Personally, I go into borderline panic attack mode whenever I feel it coming on.


----------



## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Applause said:


> I wasn't suggesting that anyone does, though I do know women who cry to gain sympathy.
> 
> I've met quite a few people who cry openly in front of friends, or at least aren't totally uncomfortable with it. It always baffles me when someone is that way. Personally, I go into borderline panic attack mode whenever I feel it coming on.


Oh, okay. I read that as a like-dislike dichotomy, because it seems natural to me that nobody should actually like doing it in front of others.

And yeah, I'm the same way. I'll make an excuse to leave, or start apologizing profusely (because I'm so embarrassed), or generally try to hide myself and ask people to leave me alone. Even if it's friends/family. Something to do with not wanting to feel out of control (over-emotionality) or vulnerable (well, that's almost the same thing).


----------



## chanteuse (May 30, 2014)

I hate crying in front of ppl. It's showing weakness, an inability to have emotion under control. If I must shed tears, it has to be strategic and serves a purpose to further a cause.

However I don't mind it during weddings and funeral (for ppl that are not directly related to me). I find the occasion very moving. Since there will be others shedding tears I would not feel embarrassed to do so.

I won't see certain movies with ppl because I know I'd weep. I hate that, too. It's letting others see my emotional buttons being pushed.


----------



## Fuzzystorm (Jun 18, 2014)

I am also uncomfortable crying in front of others. It is rare that I get the inclination to do so, although once I do it can admittedly be hard to control. I remember a particular instance a few months ago where my friends and I were discussing a bittersweet event that had recently happened in our lives. It was a very feely, sentimental atmosphere, but I resisted the urge to get emotional right up until one of my friends make a particular comment about our situation that moved me to tears in an instant. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I had never felt tears come so swiftly, and perhaps save for early childhood, I honestly think it was the first time I'd ever gotten truly "bury-my-face-into-my-hands" emotional in public. I am lucky my friends are the comforting type as they would never have handled it as awkwardly as I would have.

I don't necessarily think of crying in public as showing a weakness, although I guess it could depend on what compelled the crying. Especially in my situation, it was more of a bittersweet moment as I mentioned, and I'd say we were more happy than not. I don't really have any major qualms against crying in public; it's just awkward for me more than anything else.


----------



## Scrabbletray (Apr 27, 2014)

"Real men" don't cry!


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

I don't think I welcome it but if it's that kind of moment I suppose I could let it flow, but getting teary isn't something that comes all too often so it's not much of an issue for me.
Maybe if the other person was crying and why they were crying was significant to me in someway i'd be more likely, but outside of that I doubt it'd happen.


----------



## Rice (Apr 27, 2014)

I think it's an Fi thing too, because I know a lot of Fi users who dislike crying in front of other people. 

I hate crying in front of other people. I hate when people try to comfort me when I'm crying. I hate when people make a big deal out of it when it's not. I just want to be left alone if I'm crying and when you cry in front of other people that doesn't happen.


----------



## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

a1b2c3d4 said:


> "Real men" don't cry!


How profound! :kitteh:


----------



## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

Yes, unless it's like a Halocaust class or TFIOS and we're like expected to cry. Then I'm totally okay with it, and my bawls are by far the loudest.


----------



## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

a1b2c3d4 said:


> "Real men" don't cry!


According to whom? :tongue:


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Metasentient said:


> According to whom? :tongue:


The meninists! :shocked:


----------



## Scrabbletray (Apr 27, 2014)

Wellsy said:


> The meninists! :shocked:


No, I think they say it's OK to cry right?


----------



## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

Wellsy said:


> The meninists! :shocked:


Your avatar makes me want to take its gun away.


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Applause said:


> Your avatar makes me want to take its gun away.


I was going to tell you "Come with me if you want to live" but fuck ya now, you can die. Ain't protecting you from shit with that attitude.


----------



## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

Wellsy said:


> I was going to tell you "Come with me if you want to live" but fuck ya now, you can die. Ain't protecting you from shit with that attitude.


I read that in a scottish accent.

"BUT FUCK YE NAO, YE CAN DIE."


----------



## Deejaz (Feb 19, 2014)

I try to hide it, but then there are times when I get so overwhelmed I couldn't.


----------



## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

To answer the title question: immensely. 

I'll sooner distract myself from the need to cry if I think I can't either get somewhere private or it will go unnoticed. I have managed to silent-cry with another person in the room with their back to me. But I avoid letting anyone see me actually cry.

There's something about it that's private, in a way that almost makes it dirty. I read some essay recently that explained how there's apparently a long history of comparing tears to other kinds of excrement - such view is less common today, but I think I can understand where it might come from.


----------



## WitchPuddin (Jul 13, 2014)

For me, it depends on the type of crying.

Hot mess tears of sadness would need to be in private or with close company.

But something like tears of happiness wouldn't bother me at all in public. 




I'd feel embarrassed if I cried in public, out of sadness, 
because then I would feel like all my private thoughts and emotions were exposed for strangers to see.

Plus, I'd probably get really anxious.


But I feel fine in front of close friends.


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Um honestly I just dislike crying. 

The whether someone witnesses it or not is irrelevant for me personally. 

Actually oddly I would say that most of my crying that has ever taken place has been in front of other people. Its very rare and few and far between tho. But I tend to cry from mental and physical exhaustion combinations mixed with just too much emotional environmental stimulation, like when I have tried to really be a glue and keep things seemed and many people cause chaos emotionally all themselves, and theres just a point where I burst and freak the fuck out basically asking everyone else what the fuck in my break down lol. 

I do not cry like emotionally vulnerable period with people or not you know most things people cry about like deaths or relationsips or stuff, most of that gets bottled in. and gets released in private like some day when I have PMS or on a breakdown day where I feel like I cant positively effect a group atmosphere in success so to speak. Its almost like I regularly am offsetting so much of peoples subjective problems in group settings trying to redirect things back to success in task or cooperation when people seem dead set on working against the group or big picture I fucking explode at some point. 

Anyways I don't ever care once I get to that sort of meltdown point. It does not even come out like sobbing. It comes out just a few glistening tears and fury and anger. Usually if anything I find it effective because it takes a lot for me to get to such a point and usually in such a case people feel like shit as I lay it all out there and their usually just quietly stunned and look like guilty children that got caught stealing a fricken cookie. 

I do hate tho when my kids catch me shed a tear to a sappy show every now and then, because they find so much joy in calling out that I 'cried' lol because its almost a fun game to catch me do it because it happens so rare. 

But yeah usually only happens when I am mentally physically exhausted, or sick, or pmsing, or a group dynamic has brought me to my end. The group dynamic thing is because when that has taken place I give 110% and get royally pissed when most people bring say 60% on a good day while being pot stirrers.


----------



## bluh (Mar 30, 2015)

As soon as I shed tears I feel as if I've let someone down in a terrible way, like it's forbidden to cry in front of people. It makes therapy sessions very confusing.


----------



## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Wellsy said:


> The meninists! :shocked:
> 
> 
> * *


Well, I frankly find it highly attractive when any person shows at least the capacity to reach an emotional state in response to an emotional event... lol.


----------



## Fear Itself (Feb 20, 2013)

I absolutely hate crying in front of people. It makes me feel weak, pathetic, and overall much worse. I have friends who think I'm incapable of crying. :laughing: 


Really though, I'll cry if I'm acting in a play or something because it's not really _me_. If it's my own genuine emotional tears, nah I'll keep that to myself. Not that I judge or think less of anyone else for crying. It's my own weird personal restriction.


----------



## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Yes. I don't see why even "feelers" wouldn't dislike it to some extent. It's _really_ awkward and uncomfortable for (probably) all parties. I really don't mind doing it on my own though.


----------



## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

Yeah I hate it. Especially cause I'm a guy I think it's just unacceptable. Being an INFP guy is trouble.  So no. Unless something so serious happens that it makes sense for a guy to cry.


----------



## Popinjay (Sep 19, 2011)

Yes


----------



## SoulScream (Sep 17, 2012)

Not sure, I can't make myself cry to begin with. If it happens for some reason though I don't think I will care there is someone around.


----------



## Ninjaws (Jul 10, 2014)

I find genuine tears a beautiful thing, because it reveals the person behind the mask. If a person breaks down and cries, he/she is completely opened up.


----------



## outofplace (Dec 19, 2012)

I don't cry in public, either and that's because of my upbringing. Expressing emotions were frown upon in my family except when it had to do with happy occasions.


----------



## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

It really depends on the situation.
I mean,I normally do cry in front of others if I really want to cry,if I don't want to cry in front of others then I don't want to do it alone either.
I rarely cry alone,only when I really can't help it and I know crying in front of others would create problems.


----------



## Kurt Wagner (Aug 2, 2014)

Yes, I hate crying in front of others. In fact, it's been five years since I cried in front of anyone (and more than a year since I cried at all). People are just not welcome to my weeping sessions.



Wellsy said:


> I was going to tell you "Come with me if you want to live" but fuck ya now, you can die. Ain't protecting you from shit with that attitude.


Your avatar is holding a gun, Wellsy -- it makes you look cruel and violent, but you're not cruel.


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Luke Skywalker said:


> Your avatar is holding a gun, Wellsy -- it makes you look cruel and violent, but you're not cruel.


Your avatar is holding a gun, Luke Skywalker -- it makes you look cruel and violent, but you're not cruel.


----------



## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

Wellsy said:


> Your avatar is holding a gun, Luke Skywalker -- it makes you look cruel and violent, but you're not cruel.


----------



## Kurt Wagner (Aug 2, 2014)

Wellsy said:


> Your avatar is holding a gun, Luke Skywalker -- it makes you look cruel and violent, but you're not cruel.


You're lying. INFPs don't hold no guns. They're unicorns.


----------



## Kurt Wagner (Aug 2, 2014)

Applause said:


>


----------



## Ode to Trees (Aug 25, 2011)

Only in a counselor's office and I do not even tear up, my voice just cracks. Is that crying? NO. Then I stop. I wish I could really. Perhaps there should be a restaurant, and you can order a half an hour cry. I would feel so much lighter. It became difficult for women too. Everyone that cries is seen as weak. I saw a man tearing up few days ago. I really thought, there is an honest person. A decent one. His eyes showed me true feelings. That is brave.


----------



## Convex (Jan 5, 2015)

I don't remember my last time crying, that's because I very rarely do, but when I do, it will never be in front of anyone else.


----------



## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Yes, it makes me feel sort of ridiculous, I mean if something really terrible happened it's ok but I usually cry for the dumbest things.

Wish I had thicker skin.

I cried yesterday because I got into a heated argument and I hid it from others. I also don't like to seem weak.


----------



## penguin.ink (Apr 9, 2015)

Nope! Keep it all in till you get home! Unless of course it's Disney movies!!


----------



## Sourpuss (Aug 9, 2014)

Yes, it is rather attention grabbing and shows weakness in a variety of ways.


----------



## Harizu (Apr 27, 2014)

Yup, I am like this.


----------



## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

I hate it.


----------



## zoibat (Mar 19, 2015)

I hate crying in front of others. It's embarrassing, and it makes me feel like people are staring at me. It's pretty hard for people to hurt my feelings, and when they do it enough to make me cry, it makes me feel weak and soft. 

I also hate it when others cry in front of me. How do I fix your crying?? What am I supposed to do, and what do you want me to do?? It makes me feel so helpless. I just want to solve the problem, but you can't solve crying.


----------



## TooRad (Mar 28, 2015)

I don't cry in public or in front of others, whether they be friend or foe or stranger. It feels weird to even come close to tears in front of others. And I hate watching my friends cry in front of me, like "dude there are like 50 people in this room, chill out". Even when I'm alone I try not to cry, especially if in the next room there are people. 
I also find that I can't(or will try not to) get angry in public because for some reason anger leads me to tearing.


----------

