# Do ISTJ's become more ISFJ like later in life?



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

I'm involved with this INxJ and I'm so perplexed. I really thought he was ISFJ but I'm thinking he's more ISTJ the more I know him (his own thoughts with regards to how he is with people at large - not with me). With me he really strikes me as more ISFJ - very romantic and sweet and puts effort in a way that suggests he's more ISFJ in his ability to know my preferences etc. I'm not an easily impressed person and frankly , I'm impressed. doesnt get offended, puts effort in a way to make me feel (less anxiety) and , it's just awesome. Thing is I dated an istj very briefly before this guy (like a month) who got really attached but not at all aware of my position / feelings. The current guy I'm seeing is more likely an ISTJ but is very capable (or is it willing?) to be aware of my position / feelings. It's just weird (good, just different) and I'm curious. Do ISTJ's get more ISFJ like when they're older ? I could go on but then I'll just sound silly but really, I'm in the phase where I'm kinda tilting my head - thinking. What's this guy , really about. Lol! :tongue:


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## maust (Jul 14, 2014)

Lots of ISTJs have high Fi- that's why they can be romantic and sweet, while at the same time be very logical. I'd look to Fe/Fi and Te/Ti instead of if he's romantic or not- TJs that are older usually have a lot of empathy for others and understand your viewpoint. It's both life experience and realizing they can't go through telling people their feelings are illogical all the time- we have to understand your feelings, comfort you and reassure you we love you, THEN tell you all the ways your feelings are irrational. :wink:


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

maust said:


> Lots of ISTJs have high Fi- that's why they can be romantic and sweet, while at the same time be very logical. I'd look to Fe/Fi and Te/Ti instead of if he's romantic or not- TJs that are older usually have a lot of empathy for others and understand your viewpoint. It's both life experience and realizing they can't go through telling people their feelings are illogical all the time- we have to understand your feelings, comfort you and reassure you we love you, THEN tell you all the ways your feelings are irrational. :wink:


I really felt he was ISFJ (having Fe and Ti) and to be honest the stuff that makes me question it are comments like, "the older I get the more I try to take time to be compassionate like that" when he was referring to a super cray cray lady in the park that came up to us randomly so we could pet her dog that was the most apathetic dog I've ever met. Lol! She was a dog version of a cat lady and after the interaction we looked to each other - I laughed and he said 'what a wack job!' But really, I was the one standoffish and he was being nice to her and so it's just kinda funny. If he didn't strike me as such a J type I might think he's an ISTP, maybe. Idk. 

I think maybe he was trying to be nice to her because I was there? Lol! He offered the cab driver a water when we had him stop somewhere on our way to our destination and so that type of thing strikes me as way more ISFJ (and there's lots of evidence like that, considering others), and when I met him he said on our first date that he's not like other guys in that he likes to know how people are (feelings etc). But then the more I get to know him he's making comments like he has gotten better (?) w/these things. He says he's not a people person yet he extends himself in a way that's ISFJ-ish. I'm super confused. I'm TRYING not to care to know and really, I kinda don't care. He's really good to me and I'm super happy and totally smitten but, I guess the more I go with it I have those mini moments when my brain questions (enneagram thing) and I think dubiously like, I guess I just get scared and nervous and I turn to MBTI and things to reassure myself, kinda. 

Make sense? This totally turned out crazy rambly. Lol. Oops


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## maust (Jul 14, 2014)

I mean, I don't think most of the things you mentioned correlate to type at all. If you really need to know, I'd just ask him directly, but it doesn't seem that important if you're happy with him.


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## AllyKat (Jan 24, 2014)

I don't think you've said anything that seems particularly un-ISTJ to me. He just seems thoughtful, observant and aims to please.

ISTJs by nature review what is expected of them (or people in general) and find it in themselves to act accordingly. The more he sees of "people-friendly" behaviour, the more he will find himself adapting to be able to present it. The thing is, why _wouldn't _he be nice to the crazy dog lady? I mean, I tend to assume that if people strike up conversation with you, it's because they need conversation for some reason. I'd be nice to her, I might think she was lonely. For the sake of 5 minutes you can make someone's day, it's no big thing really. 

I think as well with relationships, it will depend on what's happened with him previously. Did he fail in previous relationship because he wasn't attentive enough to his partner's feelings? If so, he'll have put a lot of thought into making sure he rectified that for his next relationship.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

He's just more tentative to those around him in comparison to other istj's I've known. Regardless, it doesn't matter. I'm super happy w/ him. :kitteh: He's super cute and quirky and I really like him. thank you for all the replies


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

yea i have an ISTJ friend who is a very nice person. we share a lot of similiarites, but he is different from me. i am slightly more outgoing, outspoken than he is.


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