# What is the core of SJ thinking, morality?



## rainbowcucumber (Apr 27, 2014)

Why do you respect traditions ( for example birthdays, holidays, rules in family) or most of rules. I have thought that when an SJ will accept rules ( and they do it easily) they will even fight to protect it and its often more important than the logical argument against these rules. For example: why do we give presents for birthdays? can we give it when we want instead of birthdays, month later? ... value of that wont decrease. Why SJs have tendencies to be religious (ofc not all) , and it seems for me they are strong bounded with their nationality or institutions, organisations? 


There are generalizations above, but i hope you understand whats going on.

So what is the core of your morality?
Can you tell me where is point of that? What you feel about these things? 

I rationally cant understand why u think this way. SJ are intelligent in a practical way, T types sometimes are really intelligent generally but i dont understand why they still respect these values (especially ESTJ, who thinks most logically)


----------



## the_natrix (Aug 10, 2011)

Morality is what I do best.. Rules? traditions? nationalism, institutions, or organisations? Nothing gets a free pass where I blindly obey.


----------



## jcal (Oct 31, 2013)

rainbowcucumber said:


> I rationally cant understand why u think this way.


Neither can I... because I DON'T think THAT way:


Holidays/Traditions - The only value celebrating birthdays and holidays has to me is that they provide a reason/opportunity to spend time with friends and family that our busy schedules might not otherwise afford us. I really couldn't care less about the holiday itself, at least in a nostalgic or sentimental sense (My ESFJ wife is pretty much the same way). Where traditions do play a part for me is that they are part of my "platform"... the stable base upon which my sense of current and future direction is referenced. Missing certain traditions/events doesn't make me long for them... but it does disorient me. 
Family rules - were quite lax in this household as my children (now 28 & 31) were growing up. Respect each other, let us (parents) know where you are, and tell us when your plans change. More common courtesy than rules. The few that there were, my INFJ daughter was much more likely to be a stickler about following than my ESTJ son ever was. 
Rules of society, business, safety, etc - They are a safe place to start, especially when you are operating in unfamiliar territory. That said, I much prefer to know and understand the reasoning behind the rules as well as the principles of the processes they regulate. If I have that information, I can make my own determination of which rules need to be followed and which can be stretched... and how far. People that don't follow the rules to the letter don't necessarily bother me at all... IF they've performed their due diligence and understand what they're doing. What really pisses me off are those that blindly and recklessly disregard the rules that affect my (or my loved ones') safety without ever having contemplated the consequences of that disregard. 
Religion - No disrespect to those who do believe... it's just not something I have ever felt myself. I did the whole church and Sunday School thing until I was confirmed at age 14 and haven't attended a regular church service in the 44 years since. ESFJ wife has similar views. 
Morality - I consider myself a highly moral person, mainly based on respect for others and our shared environment. I don't believe at all that morality can only come from religion... you do the right thing because it IS the right thing... not because somebody told you to do it. 
So, I don't know what else to tell you... being an SJ (and I am, without a doubt, an SJ) does not absolutely mean that I must act in ANY of the ways you have described, let alone ALL of them. Just like people of any other type, we are all individuals with different life experiences and different values that shape the totality of who we are.


----------



## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

rainbowcucumber said:


> Why do you respect traditions ( for example birthdays, holidays, rules in family) or most of rules. I have thought that when an SJ will accept rules ( and they do it easily) they will even fight to protect it and its often more important than the logical argument against these rules. For example: why do we give presents for birthdays? can we give it when we want instead of birthdays, month later? ... value of that wont decrease. Why SJs have tendencies to be religious (ofc not all) , and it seems for me they are strong bounded with their nationality or institutions, organisations?
> 
> 
> There are generalizations above, but i hope you understand whats going on.
> ...


i dont give presents on peoples birthdays, i think its stupid, and put pressure on people to give back. i like to give presents for no apparent reason except for being my friend, that way they do not feel compelled to return a present =]


----------



## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

rainbowcucumber said:


> Why do you respect traditions ( for example birthdays, holidays, rules in family) or most of rules. I have thought that when an SJ will accept rules ( and they do it easily) they will even fight to protect it and its often more important than the logical argument against these rules. For example: why do we give presents for birthdays? can we give it when we want instead of birthdays, month later? ... value of that wont decrease. Why SJs have tendencies to be religious (ofc not all) , and it seems for me they are strong bounded with their nationality or institutions, organisations?
> 
> 
> There are generalizations above, but i hope you understand whats going on.
> ...


Well, I don't derive all my morality from traditions or 'what I've been told'. But I derive a lot of pleasure through following traditions, assuming there's nothing wrong with them, and I do feel off balance when things change too much. I like knowing where I stand, what to expect. For example, celebrating Christmas in a new way -- it's not the worst thing in the world, but I want Christmas to feel like Christmas and I like having that day the way I'm used to it. I like giving presents on birthdays because I like the symbolism there. I like that people have a special day. I like giving a gift, it adds this little bit of symbolism like "I'm glad you were born." If it isn't broken, no reason to fix it.

I like tradition because it gives me a feeling of unity and connection with the past, of stability, of something I can look forward to and enjoy. It can be difficult for me to enjoy something fun and unexpected if I was already feeling somewhat off-base. For example, say someone had a Christmas surprise planned. If I had already felt like I didn't know what to expect and everything was up in the air, I might not enjoy the surprise as much, maybe I'd feel harried. But if everything was going according to plan and how I expect and then -- something new and different! -- I'd like that. If that makes sense.

My morality comes from inside myself. I don't change my morality based on what other people tell me, or necessarily what I've been told. I have a feeling of an internal moral compass, and that's what I use to judge moral issues. I am religious and I've been Catholic since childhood. Now, I have respect for other religions; I think they are essentially the same. But Catholicism is like my native language. The phrasings, the imagery, the symbolism speak to me more clearly than symbols from other traditions. So the way I think about morality is pretty consistent. But I have changed my mind about things, I am thoughtful, I like to consider things from every side. 

I believe in God because everything inside my mind and my heart tells me that a God exists. There's not any doubt for me, really. I don't think about my religion all that often, but my faith is pretty strong and my values are ordered around that. 

I don't think traditions are dumb (I mean, maybe some are) and I don't think following traditions has anything to do with being unintelligent. Why shouldn't people follow traditions is the real question. Does it do any harm?

I may have sounded confusing or misunderstood what you meant. Please ask me to clarify if so


----------



## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

all the types are a sum of their experience. I think the SJs are the most acutely aware of what's actual experience and what isn't, and have a sharp sense of what works based on that experience.


----------



## rainbowcucumber (Apr 27, 2014)

> I don't think traditions are dumb (I mean, maybe some are) and I don't think following traditions has anything to do with being unintelligent. Why shouldn't people follow traditions is the real question. Does it do any harm?



It sometimes do harm for NTs (I think especially introverts).
From my perspective: sometimes i dont wanna to meet with people, even if it was planed some days ago. My mood changed that's all (or I will want to change plans at the last moment). I dont understand how my mood is changing and its hard for me to managing that. The second one is that i really dont know how to celebrity anything ._. . I just imitate that I know whats going on.

It makes conflict with that:



> I like tradition because it gives me a feeling of unity and connection with the past, of stability, of something I can look forward to and enjoy. It can be difficult for me to enjoy something fun and unexpected if I was already feeling somewhat off-base.


I dont need to be in any unity, I dont need any stability and im really good in adaptate to the unexpected things, but i cant stay with routine and expected things. I just need to discover and understand something new. Understanding is my core. So i read a lot of books ( for example)

Did you met maybe an entp ( or NT) who tried to destroy your beliefs by using rational arguments? Was it more fearfull for you or maybe deep inside you know that you're right and he/she dont understand something (maybe NTs are blind for some human emotions or morality)?

So the only way for me is to accept and undertand that. Or find the inner morality compass?


----------



## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

rainbowcucumber said:


> It sometimes do harm for NTs (I think especially introverts).
> From my perspective: sometimes i dont wanna to meet with people, even if it was planed some days ago. My mood changed that's all (or I will want to change plans at the last moment). I dont understand how my mood is changing and its hard for me to managing that.


For me, I don't like it when people cancel plans. I feel disappointed, because I might be looking forward to spending time with them or doing something, and maybe a little offended, "Really? You found something better to do than spend time with me?"
So for me, that is a lot less about tradition or social rules, and more about feelings. When someone says, "I'm going to do this," I then expect them to do that and it's disappointing if they don't.



> The second one is that i really dont know how to celebrity anything ._. . I just imitate that I know whats going on.


Do you dislike celebrations? I think it's a little funny, my dad doesn't either)) On Christmas, or birthdays, or whatever it might be, I get this feeling from him like, "When is this going to be over?" But I don't understand why) Why don't you like them)



> I dont need to be in any unity, I dont need any stability and im really good in adaptate to the unexpected things, but i cant stay with routine and expected things. I just need to discover and understand something new. Understanding is my core. So i read a lot of books ( for example)


Ok, so me, I like to learn new things as well. But sometimes I am not good at adapting to new ideas if I don't already feel stable. It's like building a ladder -- I don't want to add more rungs to the ladder until the first rungs are stable. But that doesn't mean I don't want the ladder to be tall. I _need_ that feeling of stability, or else I will be afraid to climb. Then I am free to make changes. 
And I like daily routines as well, because it makes little new things more special)




> Did you met maybe an entp ( or NT) who tried to destroy your beliefs by using rational arguments? Was it more fearfull for you or maybe deep inside you know that you're right and he/she dont understand something (maybe NTs are blind for some human emotions or morality)?


It depends. As a strong Fe-user, sometimes I become unsure of myself when someone is telling me something different. Even if I believe I'm right, if someone is telling me my beliefs are wrong or stupid, I'll feel hurt and somewhat inferior to them, like, "Oh, they must have the better beliefs...oh well...". I'm almost always willing to discuss a matter, and I think I am pretty understanding of other people's beliefs. I don't often feel like I'm in danger of losing my beliefs when I am talking to people, but sometimes I will feel upset that they don't agree with me, worried that they dislike me or think I am stupid, and sometimes I even feel like my beliefs are second-class beliefs. 

I don't exactly understand what you mean though. It sounds like you might be speaking from personal experience -- do you have an example?)


----------



## Gentleman (Jun 14, 2014)

All SJs have Si as their dominant or auxiliary function and Ne as their tertiary of inferior function, just as all NPs have Ne as their dominant or auxiliary function and Si as their tertiary or inferior function.

So understand Si, understand the introverted perceiving functions, understand how Si differs from Ni, understand how weak/valued Ne works, understand how weak/not valued Ni works, and you'll understand SJ cognition.

I'm non-religious, because I looked at the available data and came to the conclusion that the existence of a deity is unlikely, and I don't need symbols, myths, or narratives to understand the meaning of life or origin of the universe. I understand the appeal of religion, and I don't look down on people who are religious as long as they aren't abusing the great power of religion. I don't like birthdays because I'm socially awkward. Emotionally charged atmospheres make me uncomfortable, and morally obligating people to give gifts on a specific date is impractical and wrong. I'm not strongly bonded with any national institution.


----------



## Helweh18 (Jul 30, 2013)

@rainbowcucumber

Thanks for asking this question, I had the same questions in my head. I wandered over to this section to get some answers. It's interesting to hear the SJ point of view.

Thanks to all of the posters so far for giving us some insight into the way you view the world.


----------



## rainbowcucumber (Apr 27, 2014)

Oswin said:


> For me, I don't like it when people cancel plans. I feel disappointed, because I might be looking forward to spending time with them or doing something, and maybe a little offended, "Really? You found something better to do than spend time with me?"
> So for me, that is a lot less about tradition or social rules, and more about feelings. When someone says, "I'm going to do this," I then expect them to do that and it's disappointing if they don't.


You're right , except that sometimes meet with someone isnt best thing that i want to do. Its hard for me to predict what i will want in the "time of meeting". 



Oswin said:


> Do you dislike celebrations? I think it's a little funny, my dad doesn't either)) On Christmas, or birthdays, or whatever it might be, I get this feeling from him like, "When is this going to be over?" But I don't understand why) Why don't you like them)


I feel idiotically on celebrations . I just dont know how to behave (not good working Si thing?).



Oswin said:


> Ok, so me, I like to learn new things as well. But sometimes I am not good at adapting to new ideas if I don't already feel stable. It's like building a ladder -- I don't want to add more rungs to the ladder until the first rungs are stable. But that doesn't mean I don't want the ladder to be tall. I _need_ that feeling of stability, or else I will be afraid to climb. Then I am free to make changes.
> And I like daily routines as well, because it makes little new things more special)


Its hard for me to enjoy daily routines. ( another weak Si thing)

Metaphory of ladder: Everyone ( except some units) need stability , but in a differently ways. For example society sometimes call me crazy, because i am able to do stupid things, but I need stability in area that are hidden for eyes of society, for example I need so much stability when Im going into deeper relationships and Im doing it really slowly. Nobody knows it because they can only know it when I open to them but its hard for me to open. Im sure most of other people do it much easier.

Maybe its about about fears coming from the past experiences and its just to be aware and eliminate them.



Oswin said:


> It depends. As a strong Fe-user, sometimes I become unsure of myself when someone is telling me something different. Even if I believe I'm right, if someone is telling me my beliefs are wrong or stupid, I'll feel hurt and somewhat inferior to them, like, "Oh, they must have the better beliefs...oh well...". I'm almost always willing to discuss a matter, and I think I am pretty understanding of other people's beliefs. I don't often feel like I'm in danger of losing my beliefs when I am talking to people, but sometimes I will feel upset that they don't agree with me, worried that they dislike me or think I am stupid, and sometimes I even feel like my beliefs are second-class beliefs.
> 
> I don't exactly understand what you mean though. It sounds like you might be speaking from personal experience -- do you have an example?)



experiences from the past: usually teachers , parents couldnt accept my point of view because it can destroy they whole world, but its much right. Now Im rarely share my view with people, and only when the situation is in out of society rules impact. For example face-to-face. But i werent doing this to say that " I think better" it was more like " something is wrong so why dont change it?" but society had a really big problem in accept that, because everything is wrong : from micro-enviroment things to macro. Its not pessimistic view but it is factual view. Nothing more.

And you dont have to feel bad in these situations . There are two ways. If someone is telling you cause of emotion what is coming from anger, the rational or logical aspect of discussion doesnt matter, but there is a possibility to grow up if someone is right. So there can be oportunity . Only sometimes someone can try to destroy your beliefs cause of empathy , unconditional love etc. its very rare, but I think it can change sometimes the whole life. So you too dont have to feel bad 


I asked this question, because i had to recognize how people react on these situations (especially SFJs) but it's not about personality. Some people have hard to accepts some ideas , like i have hard to accept some feelings ( again I think there are experiences from the past, when for example society couldnt accept a part of someone and it creates wrong reactions in future)


And btw. i recognised its all about 


Stampede said:


> So understand Si, understand the introverted perceiving functions, understand how Si differs from Ni, understand how weak/valued Ne works, understand how weak/not valued Ni works, and you'll understand SJ cognition.


----------



## OutOfThisWorld (Nov 4, 2013)

rainbowcucumber said:


> Why do you respect traditions ( for example birthdays, holidays, rules in family) or most of rules. I have thought that when an SJ will accept rules ( and they do it easily) they will even fight to protect it and its often more important than the logical argument against these rules. For example: why do we give presents for birthdays? can we give it when we want instead of birthdays, month later? ... value of that wont decrease. Why SJs have tendencies to be religious (ofc not all) , and it seems for me they are strong bounded with their nationality or institutions, organisations?
> 
> 
> There are generalizations above, but i hope you understand whats going on.
> ...


Why not respect the traditions or the rules? It's there for a reason. 

In regards to traditions like holidays, I simply see it as an outline way to do that holiday. Of course, people have their own way of celebrating it, so it is up to the individual and those around that individual to make the rules. Holidays should be fun and people should make it their own. 

As for rules, it's because it is (usually) from tried-and-true methods. Not saying all rules are fair or that it is only black-and-white, but if it works, why not? Ex. Drinking and driving. Eating yo veggies. Drinking them H2O. Etc. 

Finally, the religious aspect. Could be the structural framework it provides to approach life. Life is pretty scary; it all being unpredictable and unknown and unforgiving. Something comforting (like religion) makes it easier to go through. 

Personally, I see traditions as a fun way to spend time with loved ones, doing something fun and creating memories. For the rules thing, I'm usually dead-set on certain ones and is lapse on others. Being Buddhist, I see it as a guide, rather than a rulebook. 

Hope this helps!


----------



## witchy_fingers (Dec 2, 2014)

> Why do you respect traditions ( for example birthdays, holidays, rules in family) or most of rules


I participate in these sorts of events because I enjoy it. What reason do I have to rebel against them? As far as how they are celebrated, I'm willing to mix things up. That being said, I've skipped plenty of holidays out of necessity and never given it a second thought.

Then you ask why I am willing to abide by rules. If I can get away with it or if I have any say, I will do what I want or what makes sense to me, but from experience, I've found that most rules are not hard to follow, and following them often just makes life easier than if I put up a fight, so I do. 



> I have thought that when an SJ will accept rules ( and they do it easily) they will even fight to protect it and its often more important than the logical argument against these rules.* For example: why do we give presents for birthdays? can we give it when we want instead of birthdays, month later?*


I would never insist upon something without a valid reason. Your priorities might simply be different. Also, how is what is in bold more logical? I'm not saying you don't have this personal choice, but what is the point in attempting to alter the system society already has in place, in regard to this matter? Nonetheless, I think I see what you're getting at. I'd rather accept reality and gradually introduce change than risk ruining all that is good we've worked for because of some radical idea. 



> Why SJs have tendencies to be religious (ofc not all) , and it seems for me they are strong bounded with their nationality or institutions, organisations?


There is nothing I agree with here. I am an atheist, one of the few out of everyone I've ever met, including many non-SJs. My parents/peers had completely different beliefs. 

I am appreciative of the freedoms and privileges I have, but I am not chauvinistic. When I joined the military (this was not a family tradition, and in fact my parents were adamantly against me doing so), it is was for very individualistic reasons; mainly for the sake of the experience. I left after a couple of years without any guilt because I did not want to waste any more years of my life being miserable.



> So what is the core of your morality?
> Can you tell me where is point of that? What you feel about these things?


I do not accept the existence of morality. Morality represents the scope, or rather, the limitations, of our empathy. I defend those whose rights are violated, not because I can't understand why the perpetrator(s) violated them, but because I am afraid of losing those rights myself. It is a luxury we use only when we can afford to, and when using it has no significant detriment to ourselves. Uncompromising dictators are in a very unstable position of power, which is why most people will look after others in order to look after themselves. This is where empathy shows its value.



> I rationally cant understand why u think this way


I hadn't even told you what I thought yet!


----------



## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

i actually do not really think about morality, i just like to help people and be nice to them. lol


----------



## cheapsunglasses (May 13, 2014)

I don't think following rules, celebrating holidays or birthdays, practicing religion, or respecting what others value has anything to do with personality types. They are functions of living together in society. 

Celebrations are cultural, not moral. Different cultures have their own ways of noting important days. Families also have their own celebrations: birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, rites of passage, holidays- depending on their own cultural backgrounds and traditions. There's not one thing wrong with letting others know that you appreciate them, are glad they are here, and that they are special to you by giving a gift, singing Happy Birthday, or dining together and whatnot. Why not let someone know that they are special to you? What possible harm is there in letting someone know that you value them in your life? Sure, you can tell them that every day, rather than give them a token gift on a certain day, but who actually does that? I value the people in my life. I see that as a moral stance. Letting them know they are valued by giving them a birthday gift, wedding gift, graduation gift, Christmas present, etc. could be seen as simply adhering to a tradition, but that's NOT why I give them a gift or make a gesture. I do it because they matter to me especially on the special day, and the gift is a token of that … a simple gesture that says you're important to me and I want to show it to them in a tangible way. 

Rules are in place to help society function in the larger framework. If you live by yourself, you can keep your living area in any way you want to keep it, eat dinner in the bathroom if you choose, throw clothing on lampshades and leave it there, brush your teeth with peanut butter, sit on top of tables, etc. If you live with others, compromises must be met to keep things civil. When dealing with others, your right to do as you wish ends where it infringes on someone else's right to do as they wish. We drive on a certain side of the street because it makes it safer for everyone on the road, allows traffic to flow smoother, etc. Rules and laws are in place to ensure that everyone has rights and to make society function for the benefit of everyone, not just a few. Do I follow every single rule there is consistently? No, I don't, but I respect the place those rules and laws have in benefitting society and accept whatever consequence I get as a result of not following those rules. I don't necessarily see all rules as moral, but more of a practical way for a society to function. Every group of people has had some sort of rule and law, going back to ancient times. Otherwise, societies descend into chaos and anarchy, and cease to exist. Following the rules and laws of a society keep it functioning. We are bound together by those rules and they help to define us as a people. For example, we didn't want our soldiers that became prisoners of war to be tortured. We promised not to torture other country's prisoners of war, if they would do the same for our soldiers. From that idea came the Geneva Conventions. We are, as a country, morally defined by that rule. 

Some people find comfort in the known, the traditional, the expected. Others don't care about those conventions. I see it like I view the choice to have children. If you want them and can support them, have them. If you don't want them, don't have them. If you like to celebrate birthdays and holidays, celebrate them. If you don't, don't. Just realize that because it isn't important to you, doesn't mean it isn't important to someone else. If you, on principle, choose to not give gifts, that's fine. If your friend feels that you don't care for them because you refuse to show them you think they are special, that's a consequence of your choice that you have to deal with. However, so does your friend. Some conventions are in place because interpersonal relations work better that way, even if it isn't your desired choice. 



> From my perspective: sometimes i dont wanna to meet with people, even if it was planed some days ago. My mood changed that's all (or I will want to change plans at the last moment). I dont understand how my mood is changing and its hard for me to managing that.


If you planned to meet with someone and then didn't because you didn't feel like it at the last minute, how do you expect the person you were to meet with to feel about that? Do you think they feel like you care about them, that they are important, or does it seem that you are too wrapped up in yourself and your own feelings? Casually running into someone and doing something together can be fun, but if they go to the trouble to plan an outing, and you just flake because… moods or "reasons"… you are being rude. You posted that comment to show a way you are harmed, when you actually harm others with that selfish attitude. If you don't mind being seen as selfish and rude, then there is no problem. I'm not sure if you will have any friends though. 

tl;dr Sometimes we do things because it makes others happy and lets them know they are special to us, not because we have to, not because it is moral, tradition or rule, but because we want to. Celebrations and following rules are not related to personality type, but to societal conventions.


----------



## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

rainbowcucumber said:


> Why do you respect traditions ( for example birthdays, holidays, rules in family) or most of rules. I have thought that when an SJ will accept rules ( and they do it easily) they will even fight to protect it and its often more important than the logical argument against these rules. For example: why do we give presents for birthdays? can we give it when we want instead of birthdays, month later? ... value of that wont decrease. Why SJs have tendencies to be religious (ofc not all) , and it seems for me they are strong bounded with their nationality or institutions, organisations?
> 
> 
> There are generalizations above, but i hope you understand whats going on.
> ...


Dig deeper. The stereotypes you've mentioned are demonstrably false, since they are behaviors and not cognitive preference driven.

Many things go into determining who we are and how we behave. Cognitive preferences are not the only decider of our values.


----------



## rainbowcucumber (Apr 27, 2014)

witchy_fingers said:


> . I'd rather accept reality and gradually introduce change than risk ruining all that is good we've worked for because of some radical idea.


NTs just like to inmplicate their ideas. For me its really nice fun, and its not problem also. (maybe an N thing)



witchy_fingers said:


> I do not accept the existence of morality. Morality represents the scope, or rather, the limitations, of our empathy.


Thats right. That maybe nice if NTs could well cooperate with SJs. I have friend ESTJ and I always develop ideas, and traits of thinking, my perspective on world, than he really much helps me realise my ideas.


----------



## Scyllla (Dec 24, 2014)

Oswin said:


> For me, I don't like it when people cancel plans. I feel disappointed, because I might be looking forward to spending time with them or doing something, and maybe a little offended, "Really? You found something better to do than spend time with me?"
> So for me, that is a lot less about tradition or social rules, and more about feelings. When someone says, "I'm going to do this," I then expect them to do that and it's disappointing if they don't.


I couldn't agree more. As I grow older (ugh I turn another year in 2 weeks too), I have found myself more upset by someone going against their word and flaking out then when I was in my early 20s. I know there was a time in my life when I couldn't go to all the events I agreed to (because we sometimes overbook ourselves especially in summer and holidays), but there's something about getting older and coming across new friends that make plans that you're never quite sure of. 

It helps me to mentally make a backup plan. I almost always expect people to last minute cancel for some reason because of plans they forgot they had or were more fun. So if they fall through with me, then I think, "Oh okay, no problem. Some other time then!" and go off to do what my back up plan was. 

I seem to put other people's needs before mine (if someone needs to talk randomly on fb chat or via text and I'm in the middle of something important for myself) and yes, I stretch myself thin... but then there are periods of time where I know I need to unwind by myself and seclude from people because TOO much socialization and being outside of the home, I find myself losing sight of myself. If that makes any sense. 

When it comes down to it, I think its right to treat everyone with respect and time until you feel/find out who is not worth your time anymore. When you have friends who yes, are GREAT people to talk to, but when constantly want to make plans and then bow out, you start to realize its not fair to continue such nonsense and stop agreeing to see them. Or at least I decline offers after that.


----------

