# Lose virginity by hookup?



## pepe8696 (Mar 23, 2020)

Hey all,
I had some matches on Tinder, and i didn't know what to write to them, so i tried this line for fun:

_-Hey, i'm looking for hookup, are you in?_ 

I sent this to 4 girls i found physically attractive, and one responded with: 

_ -Sure, but take me to a date before . _

We were talking a bit after, and we agreed that we should meet tomorrow. The only problem is i'm not sure if i should do that. But the other thing is that i want to feel intimacy, and i want to practice some before i meet my dream girl (my future ex).

What do you think, what should i do?


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## pepe8696 (Mar 23, 2020)

Looks like noone is gonna answer this


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Moved to forum topic *Sex and Relationships*.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

pepe8696 said:


> What do you think, what should i do?


Meet up and see what happens.


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## Necrofantasia (Feb 26, 2014)

Bleach your asshole. It really makes a difference.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

eh, i personally wouldn't. but everyone is different.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Depends how old are you?

If you are over 21, yeah sure just get it over with and use protection

If you are under 21, its your business but I would maybe try to do it with someone you know better


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## Necrofantasia (Feb 26, 2014)

Yo OP, I've been thinking about your situation, and did some research. Don't worry son, I got yo back.


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## Mark R (Dec 23, 2015)

I'm curious about how women would respond if you were upfront about being a virgin. When I was in high school, I pursued by several women when they found out I was a virgin.


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## NipNip (Apr 16, 2015)

Yeah don't wait around for 'the one'.

Also, still better than _paying _for it...


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

pepe8696 said:


> Hey all,
> I had some matches on Tinder, and i didn't know what to write to them, so i tried this line for fun:
> 
> _-Hey, i'm looking for hookup, are you in?_
> ...


Any update? 

I think if you have fun on the date, and it feels right and you have protection, by all means. If it doesn't feel right, then wait until it does.


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## pepe8696 (Mar 23, 2020)

angelfish said:


> Any update?


I'll ghost her. I'm 20 years old, but whenever i have the chance to hookup, it just scares me. Even a date scares me, the only dates i went to were when we already have seen each other before. And I have an ideal,a picture of a girl in my head, and she's really different from that girl phisically.


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## Alice Alipheese (Aug 16, 2019)

Do the hookup, ive been thinking about this question for a couple of days now and i recall wanting to "wait" for the right one and all that crap, long story short that relationship went to shit and it was a bunch of waiting for nothing and i no longer like that person in the least, where as if you go for a hook up they will always be a bit "Special" to you since it was a short term thing and will be a much more memorable memory and leave you "wanting" a bit, rather than be filled with either contempt or apathy towards a previous partner. 

hope this helps.

Also this would probably help you move past your fears!


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## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

Sure, why not?


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

pepe8696 said:


> I'll ghost her. I'm 20 years old, but whenever i have the chance to hookup, it just scares me. Even a date scares me, the only dates i went to were when we already have seen each other before. And I have an ideal,a picture of a girl in my head, and she's really different from that girl phisically.


That's ok! If it doesn't feel right, you don't need to push yourself. I do think it would be kind to drop her a quick message just saying _hey, thanks for the interest, but it's not going to work for me right now_ before you totally cut ties.


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## Lonewaer (Jul 14, 2014)

NipNip said:


> Yeah don't wait around for 'the one'.
> 
> Also, still better than _paying _for it...


He would have been paying for it though. "Take me to a date before", she said. That's exactly what it means. He takes her on a date, so he invites her, so he pays, and then only she decides if she wants the hookup, because even if he does that she still needs to assess if she likes him enough.

I can understand wanting to know the guy before having sex with him, but asking him to pay to unlock the hookup is more or less covert/socially acceptable prostitution.

@OP : Ruin this image that you have in your head, right now. She doesn't exist. Never idealize women, or _a_ specific woman, never put them on a pedestral. First of all it needs to be earned, and I don't think a lot of women are capable to earn such a status if your standards are even just reasonable, but then, your tastes will evolve, will be more diverse, will be more specific, etc. Have standards, because what she did was to hold you up for standards, that are most likely sky-high : can you pay, are you good looking, do you behave in a way that she likes, etc.

Instead, meet women, own up to who and what you are. You're a virgin ? Good. Own it. Don't lie. They don't like it ? They can go, that's not a loss for you. They're not bothered by it ? Good, you can keep meeting those, potentially get some experience with some of them. You have absolutely nothing to lose by filtering the bad apples out. By meeting women you're gonna have a more down to earth view of them, and it's definitely not all pink and rainbows.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Lonewaer said:


> I can understand wanting to know the guy before having sex with him, but asking him to pay to unlock the hookup is more or less covert/socially acceptable prostitution.


Maybe it is her just trying to get something out of it, but as a woman, I am also inclined to think it could be a good strategy to be able to check him out as a person and make sure he is trustworthy and safe before having sex with him. Dates typically occur out in public in neutral territory where it is easy to make an escape if the situation doesn't seem comfortable. I'd say an easy way to check this would be to ask her if it would be ok to split the bill*. If she says no problem, then pretty safe to say she's not gold digging.



> Instead, meet women, own up to who and what you are. You're a virgin ? Good. Own it. Don't lie. They don't like it ? They can go, that's not a loss for you. They're not bothered by it ? Good, you can keep meeting those, potentially get some experience with some of them. You have absolutely nothing to lose by filtering the bad apples out. By meeting women you're gonna have a more down to earth view of them, and it's definitely not all pink and rainbows.


Yes, I agree with this.


*If you do not want to feel "cheap", you could always ask if it would be ok to split _if_ the bill goes over $10/$20/whatever amount. And you can always decide to pay the whole thing later if you decide you like her like that.


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

I lost my virginity to what was originally a hook-up. I just kinda wanted to get it done with and see what it was all about (I did like the guy too). We ended up getting together and staying together for a year though, so it's not like you have to place some strict division between hook-ups and relationships. Hook-ups can evolve, relationships can split, etc. I guess you want that in place though because you want the practice first. In that case maybe it's better if she doesn't fit the ideal? If you want the practice before hopefully meeting her. Go for it.


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## NipNip (Apr 16, 2015)

Lonewaer said:


> He would have been paying for it though. "Take me to a date before", she said. That's exactly what it means. He takes her on a date, so he invites her, so he pays, and then only she decides if she wants the hookup, because even if he does that she still needs to assess if she likes him enough.
> 
> I can understand wanting to know the guy before having sex with him, but asking him to pay to unlock the hookup is more or less covert/socially acceptable prostitution.


I was referring to _actual _prostitution.


And I don't follow your reasoning about "paying to unlock the hookup". If you mean drinks and protection and stuff, well... There is nothing he pays for that he doesn't get himself. He's an active part in the experience, and is essentially (if you wanna be critical) paying the double amount for every sip of wine that he shares.

That's just social custom more than anything; there isn't a woman who wants to go to bed with a guy for _a drink_, unless she would want to go to bed with him regardless.


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## Necrofantasia (Feb 26, 2014)

pepe8696 said:


> I'll ghost her. I'm 20 years old, but whenever i have the chance to hookup, it just scares me. Even a date scares me, the only dates i went to were when we already have seen each other before. And I have an ideal,a picture of a girl in my head, and she's really different from that girl phisically.


If you don't want to hook up....then why are you asking people to hook up? 
Ghosting is lame, own up to your fuck up and tell her the truth at least.
You're not going to be less scared by taking the easy, spineless route whenever this kind of thing happens.


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## MonarK (Jul 27, 2018)

pepe8696 said:


> Actually I was bullied at elementary school, that's why I was really anxious. I have a best friend in high school and we spent all the 4 years together without socializing with others. And now.. I'm so fuckin lost in this world, I don't want to kill myself because I still have a hope that I can find a purpose. But don't know what it could be. And seeing all these couples while I'm a fuckin kid in a men's appearance just makes me more and more hopeless.


My condolences on all of that. Start then, with small scale advancements as you find your purpose. What's contributes most to your fulfillment is finding what makes sense, and pursuing something that makes things in life sensible. Look not to others who let you down for purpose, look within, look at the order of the world as a whole, and seek your place in it.

Often times, we judge our actions by the results they yield. Before all other things, evaluate them by what you do in and of itself, as well as with what intent. Peace be upon you and smooth sailing, @pepe8696


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Veggie said:


> I feel like a lot of people on Tinder have so many dialogues running that they don't really need closure on any one thing with someone that never resulted in a meet up. I've kind of made it a rule that I only give closure to someone who asks for it. I won't ghost someone who's asking me "what happened?" - but I'm not gonna offer that information up without prompting either. A lot of people don't want it. I know I don't. Would rather something just fizzle out and let that speak for itself. It's less awkward too. It gets draining trying to think of the friendly, polite response to someone you have little prior investment in and no future with. And online dating requires stamina, lol. Seeing words like "not interested" repeatedly could start to mess with you, regardless of where they're coming from (and without an explanation, your mind might wander). I don't think I'm alone in that either, as it seems to sorta be an unwritten rule that most people don't go there. Instead you go through the age old niceties like vague "we should do this again sometime!" statements, if anything.


Ah, fair enough. Thanks for the explanation! I was already dating my husband by the time Tinder rolled around so my only experience on it is peering over friends' shoulders, to be honest. I don't think I realized how many parallel dialogues could be running at once - I thought it was more of a one and done thing. I can't argue with ghosting in that context - I don't think I'd even consider it ghosting. Just not following up. Though of course if they agreed on a particular event/date then cancelling would be the considerate thing.



pepe8696 said:


> I'm sure I was depressed before, but I'm sure it started to accelerate.
> When I can't sleep I always recognise the first date in full details, and i fall asleep easily. Maybe I shouldn't do that, because it is harder to forget her. To be honest i'm thinking about her everyday, and I tried to "get" her back since half a year (trying to be matched again on Tinder, Sent her a message with an other FB account).


Oh! Honey! You are _heartbroken_. You had a real connection and it slipped away. Yes, I think it would be wise to try to stop replaying things with her in your head. This thread makes a lot more sense now. Keep trying to put yourself out there even though it's hard. I would recommend trying to _date_ more girls, if only to get some pleasant female interaction in. It doesn't sound to me like you are ready for no-strings-attached casual sex. See if you can go on a few more dates, either virtually or once the virus has slowed a bit. Novelty is an antidote for heartache. 



pepe8696 said:


> And seeing all these couples while I'm a fuckin kid in a men's appearance just makes me more and more hopeless.


There is no better practice for a relationship than focusing on working on yourself and being the best "you" that you can be. And that can all be done without a partner at all. As an aside, your written English is quite good.


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## CuzItoldyaSo (Mar 31, 2020)

Why not, if you are comfortable about having intimacy with an attractive girl


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## Amine (Feb 23, 2014)

Losing your virginity by hook up is about as deflated as it gets in terms of life having any meaning. You'll almost definitely regret it one day. A world where this sort of thing happens is basically right out of dystopian fiction.

I guess the predicament is, if you are like in your 20s and you still haven't lost it yet, what if you never get your chance and you die a virgin? That's something to consider. If you haven't lost your virginity by your 20s you simply aren't much of a fucker in this world. Decent chance you never will, especially if you're out of college.

So really it doesn't make much difference. Either way is extremely grim.


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## contradictionary (Apr 1, 2018)

pepe8696 said:


> Hey all,
> I had some matches on Tinder, and i didn't know what to write to them, so i tried this line for fun:
> 
> _-Hey, i'm looking for hookup, are you in?_
> ...


If you don't really have the emotional connection and intimacy then don't bother having sex in the first place the first time. 

Because it will feel no different compared to your own hands.

Practice? This activity is so intuitive, deeply imprinted in your genes. You will not need practice because it just happens.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

pepe8696 said:


> Hey all,
> I had some matches on Tinder, and i didn't know what to write to them, so i tried this line for fun:
> 
> _-Hey, i'm looking for hookup, are you in?_
> ...


You probably already did something by now, but I don't recommend hooking up on tinder to lose your virginity.
Call me old fashoned, but I believe that moment has to be special, meaningful, something that you can fondly remember for the rest of your life, even if the relationship doesn't work out.
Like the first kiss, first relationship, first fight, you get the picture.
Having your first memory from Tinder is kind of meh. Unless you actually get to know each other and not just jump to have sex for the sake of having sex.

If you want intimacy, you won't get it with someone you don't love or at least feel a bond with.

About practice, you make a good point indeed, but think of it this way: if she is your dream girl and you are her dream man, don't you want to experience all of this together? the first steps? rather than just be already experienced it with someone else?

May be be overly idealistic what I'm saying, it's up to you to decide, but the fact that you aren't sure you should do that shows that you have some doubts.


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