# What opposing interests are enough to make you incompatible when dating?



## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

0.M.I.A.0 said:


> Yeah I’m like you with that.
> 
> It’s not like I don’t have a few things I ‘collect’. I specifically have an obsession with having hat, jacket, shoes for every kinda occasion and color scheme/season 🤣. Ok positive I’m more extra than the average person with this. But like ya mentioned about getting rid of things too. I sorta have a rule of thumb for every item I bring into my home it either needs an everyday use or purpose, or I believe in donating items and retiring them. So I don’t necessarily think collecting is bad. Just how is it being stored or displayed. Like you said, ambience is key.


I did however just buy 3 more paintings, but they will add to the ambience. But after that I really have no need for more wall decorations, and the walls would just start looking too cluttered.

I'll show you the 3 paintings because you're cool, and I like sharing. My copies of these are gonna be smaller than what's shown in these pictures. I'm eager for them to arrive.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Ock said:


> I did however just buy 3 more paintings, but they will add to the ambience. But after that I really have no need for more wall decorations, and the walls would just start looking too cluttered.
> 
> I'll show you the 3 paintings because you're cool, and I like sharing. My copies of these are gonna be smaller than what's shown in these pictures. I'm eager for them to arrive.
> View attachment 897421
> ...


💜


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

0.M.I.A.0 said:


> 💜


My apartment decor I think is mostly influenced by Fi mental hyperdrive, which gives it lots of character.


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## AnneINTJ (11 mo ago)

Celtsincloset said:


> This is a more broader question, but the main reason why I ask: I’m wondering whether if someone says they’re an _outdoorsy_ person and they enjoy hiking, camping, going on road trips, but I’m not this sort of person who could spend their limited free-time going on these adventures (they would probably annoy me), does that make us incompatible? Is this too much of an opposing interest?
> 
> What other opposing interests are deal-breakers for you, in your opinion/from your experiences?


It also depends on how much time the separate interests consume. A lady married a golf fan. She did not golf, nor want to learn. All was well until he retired; then he began to golf 7 days per week. I'm sure she did not plan to spend her retirement alone but stuck, unless she has an equally time-consuming hobby. As far as opposing interests being deal-breakers, I'd say anything dangerous (retired people don't jump 10 cars on a motorcycle) that puts their life/health and therefore both of their financial lives in jeopardy, such as gambling, excessive drinking, or building and racing $40,000 dune-buggies, would be the doorslam moment for me. Hope this helps, Celtsincloset.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

Religious views- ie atheist, agnostic, Christian etc,
If they're into "conspiracy theories" or not, and of course if we have only 1 interest in common. People probably need at least 2-3 interests in common, otherwise y'all gonna be bored with each other.

And a few other things I cannot think of at this moment.

Oh, if you think being a dad is baby sitting. No you helped create it, it's called parenting. The baby didn't create itself.
I'm not saying dad's don't feel like parents or whatever, but a lot of people say, "Oh my _husband _is _babysitting out kids". _BrUh.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

Religious views- ie atheist, agnostic, Christian etc,
If they're into "conspiracy theories" or not, and of course if we have only 1 interest in common. People probably need at least 2-3 interests in common, otherwise y'all gonna be bored with each other.

And a few other things I cannot think of at this moment.

Oh, if you think being a dad is baby sitting. No you helped create it, it's called parenting. I'm not saying dad's don't enjoy being dad's but I find it funny when people say, "Oh your _husband_ is _babysitting_ the kids". Bruh, lol. I'm talking about people with their biological children


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## Krakenless (11 mo ago)

I think it’s religious views. I have a problem with Atheists, most I’ve met were just so full of themselves and belittling others, that made me step back from Atheists in general. 

Also a hardcore fan of a sports club, i am not sure. If i think about a hooligan guy with his football, that is definitely a no, but if he is intelligent and we get along mentally and sports is just his side hobby, i don’t mind. I need someone with different hobbies than me, for I can learn something new and they also still can spend time on their own with their stuff.
Also if they don’t like pets. I’ve met people who hate dogs or cats and that doesn’t work for me.


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## yewduyou (11 mo ago)

Celtsincloset said:


> This is a more broader question, but the main reason why I ask: I’m wondering whether if someone says they’re an _outdoorsy_ person and they enjoy hiking, camping, going on road trips, but I’m not this sort of person who could spend their limited free-time going on these adventures (they would probably annoy me), does that make us incompatible? Is this too much of an opposing interest?
> 
> What other opposing interests are deal-breakers for you, in your opinion/from your experiences?


I think it makes you incompatible.
People usually find their mate in the mountain as my cousin says. Because the mountain bares the true you. 

They might find a mate while doing their hobby while you don't have time to go.

I rarely see this working out.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

if I still dated….


Extreme politics or religious difference than me (this stuff is sacred)

different interests would be fine, I don’t need to be entain or around them all the time, so I love camping but I wouldn’t need him for that, or He likes fishing and I don’t, so he can go with his friends

must loves animals (maybe not as much as me), if not there is no way

i reluctantly kinda okay with ppl hunting, but the correct way and not all the time and NO DEAD animals on my walls like a deer head, no sport hunting, canned hunting, exotic hunting ….only for during the correct season, survival huntin/living off the land is the only okay

no fur jackets/ any fur clothing esp for fashion…. unless you lived in Inuit country or somewhere like that and it’s bc that is how you keep warm, survival only ( plus they probably used the whole animals for survival not fashion or endanger animals)

no one who works for the oil company ( I’ve cleanEd up too many oil spills and had to burned mountains of dead animals forweeks and weeks) ….USCG i was MST marine science tech, and now I’m going into the marine science field ( outside uscg) …this is big for me…ours ocean was on fire ( Gulf of Mexico) last year and an oil spill off of California….cry myself to sleep too many nights…couldn’t with be someone that worked for the oil companies

————

One thing I do like that I think would be hard for most….is that I know ppl who work in professions where they have to leave for periods of time, like the military…being in the military, myself, and being raised in a military family …a lot of ppl have a hard time with this, but it’s perfect for me….to me, this could be a good thing, gets some space and when they come home again it will be like new


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## AnneINTJ (11 mo ago)

0.M.I.A.0 said:


> I thought of one inspired by another answer. If they have alotta ‘stuff’ in a small space. What I mean is like collecting and hoarding within a tiny perimeter. It’s one thing if they have a room, basement, or garage they keep that sorta thing. But I can’t do mountains of books and figurines within a tight small space. Especially in the living room. Like it feels the room is caving in on me. So if their interest is hoarding they need to really be able to properly facilitate it for me to be able to handle that interest.
> 
> Like how am I supposed to sit in their home comfortably, while surrounded by ‘stuff’ everywhere.
> 
> ...


Imagine having to exit a hoarder's home suddenly and without light, because a fire broke out.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> Religious views- ie atheist, agnostic, Christian etc,
> If they're into "conspiracy theories" or not, and of course if we have only 1 interest in common. People probably need at least 2-3 interests in common, otherwise y'all gonna be bored with each other.
> 
> And a few other things I cannot think of at this moment.
> ...


People used to say weird shit to me when my ex would take our kids

Oh that’s so great he watches the kids. 

😂 I understood if it was like a single woman who did not have an involved dad help. But just random people saying how great it was he cared for his kids every other weekend. Lol. Good job here is a medal 🏅


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

AnneINTJ said:


> Imagine having to exit a hoarder's home suddenly and without light, because a fire broke out.


Right I hadn’t even thought of that. Terrifying


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

It depends on the individuals and the values in their lives.

In the example, how much is "outdoorsy"?

My ex was the type who would spend every single holiday and vacation outdoors on backpacking trips. That means that holidays had to either be all about his outdoor trips he enjoyed, or he would throw a fit (and he often threw a fit anyway).

But plenty of his friends who were also middle class outdoor enthusiasts were planning trips to Nepal, were peak bagging...then they would get together and show slideshows of their photos from the outdoors. It was their main hobby and passion.

I am fine with people having passions, but does this interefere with my life? Passions take time and energy--that's time and energy that aren't going to be spent on other things like holidays or staying home or whatever.

So it all depends on how much a person values something. 

Alternately, I was into art. He forbid me from studying art, and he also would constantly berate me or complain if I did art. "you should have dinner on the table...that is the most important thing to do. The relationship is the most important." We never went to one art museum when we were in Europe--almost did and he threw a fit beforehand, plus I was super tired and I backed down since we were carrying frame packs and sleeping in the bushes, so it would have been uncomfortable to go into a museum like that anyway.

Would I do that again? HELL F*king NO. So again--it depends on what people are passionate about, how passionate they are, and if it works together. A relationship is between two individuals and they got to be compatible. 

I did enjoy learning to ski and I do like the outdoors, but I don't ONLY like them and nothing else.


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## AnneINTJ (11 mo ago)

0.M.I.A.0 said:


> Right I hadn’t even thought of that. Terrifying


Thank you, O.M.A.I.O. If I haven't terrified someone daily, I'm not doing my job!


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## Winter-Rose (Jul 20, 2021)

Mh, I'd refused contact with someone who's not interested in the abstract, the self. So someone who only looks things on top and not on an inner level. So more than hobbies is the mind setting which creates problems.

For ex. I dated guys who were really focused on their physical body (sports, gym, diet), I'm a quiet girl, I'm not sporty, but I liked their enthusiasm which influenced me in a good way. And I practiced sports with them. But I liked it because they made me like it. There are guys who are focused on sports and the way they talk and act while demonstrating their interest in this hobby isn't to my liking.
But the issue is not the hobby, it's the fact they only consider the physical level and when they talk I feel it. There's no emphaty.

So basically, with an open mind differences based on hobbies become small. Common aims are more important than hobbies in a relationship.

The problem isn't common interests, but balance in interests. For ex. I like Astrology, but I dislike people who are obsessed with it. So I dislike who's obsessed with sport or technology etc...balance is important, having many different interests makes you more interesting.

Differences are needed to improve the communication.


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## Zosio (Mar 17, 2015)

Pretty basic, I guess. I can't date anyone with significantly opposing religious or political views.

"Significant" in my case would mean being a theist and politically right-leaning.

Edit: I guess a lot of things pertaining to drugs are big deals, too. Can't fuck with anybody who does coke with any regularity. Absolutely 0 tolerance for meth, heroin, and crack. 

On the lighter side, I really don't like cigarette-smoking. I found out on maybe date 3 or 4 with an INTJ I was hitting it off with that he smoked. When I mentioned I wasn't really into that, he legit said "I only smoke when I drink." Wasn't too long after that I realized that was essentially like saying "I only shoot up when I'm using the bathroom." 😆


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

WickerDeer said:


> Alternately, I was into art. He forbid me from studying art, and he also would constantly berate me or complain if I did art. "you should have dinner on the table...that is the most important thing to do. The relationship is the most important." We never went to one art museum when we were in Europe--almost did and he threw a fit beforehand, plus I was super tired and I backed down since we were carrying frame packs and sleeping in the bushes, so it would have been uncomfortable to go into a museum like that anyway.


That’s terrible.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Celtsincloset said:


> That’s terrible.


Yeah I learned an important lesson about that. I think if you really love someone, you must also respect and love the things they care about too.

I'm fine with people having different values and interests, but some people just don't belong together.


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## AnneINTJ (11 mo ago)

Another way I look at relationships: Is your life better with this love interest in it? If not, time's up, buddy. 👎👎👎


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

AnneINTJ said:


> Another way I look at relationships: Is your life better with this love interest in it? If not, time's up, buddy. 👎👎👎


Yes--I think it's good to expect love to improve your life and also the world. It should work with your values...which you should feel "better"

I mean, it's not like it's love interests' job, but I think it's generally a good aim and healthy to strive for? Either improving or at the very least, not causing harm.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Celtsincloset said:


> This is a more broader question, but the main reason why I ask: I’m wondering whether if someone says they’re an _outdoorsy_ person and they enjoy hiking, camping, going on road trips, but I’m not this sort of person who could spend their limited free-time going on these adventures (they would probably annoy me), does that make us incompatible? Is this too much of an opposing interest?
> 
> What other opposing interests are deal-breakers for you, in your opinion/from your experiences?


I need a woman who has a brain and isn't afraid to use it. Just about everything else is negotiable.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

You are a rare fella indeed. 😃


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## huhh (Apr 15, 2015)

Anal takes up roughly 30% of my thinking


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## ButIHaveNoFear (Sep 6, 2017)

Pet cats: I'm very allergic even though I really like cats.

Multiple dogs: I'm mildly allergic, and I don't like dog smell.

Dog as personality trait: The above reasons, and it's boring if all they do is talk about their dog(s).


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## NIHM (Mar 24, 2014)

tanstaafl28 said:


> I need a woman who has a brain and isn't afraid to use it. Just about everything else is negotiable.


What if the brain goes temporarily out of business?


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

tanstaafl28 said:


> I need a woman who has a brain and isn't afraid to use it. Just about everything else is negotiable.


Did you not find your person? 🧐 😍


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

NIHM said:


> What if the brain goes temporarily out of business?


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## Zosio (Mar 17, 2015)

huhh said:


> Anal takes up roughly 30% of my thinking


After getting to know you a little better, I could not be less surprised by this.

If anything I'm surprised that it's not like 40% anal and 25% FIFA 😜


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## huhh (Apr 15, 2015)

Zosio said:


> After getting to know you a little better, I could not be less surprised by this.
> 
> If anything I'm surprised that it's not like 40% anal and 25% FIFA 😜


lol! Im on a mission to be less pervy since a few days! Wish me luck 😁


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## AnneINTJ (11 mo ago)

huhh said:


> Anal takes up roughly 30% of my thinking


Binoculars, trenchcoat, camera, telescope, ladders, dirty books, etc. I'll send you my extra "spy tools" Huhh 😂


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## huhh (Apr 15, 2015)

AnneINTJ said:


> Binoculars, trenchcoat, camera, telescope, ladders, dirty books, etc. I'll send you my extra "spy tools" Huhh 😂


Lol im aiming at a steady 17%


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## JourneyOfMystery (11 mo ago)

The person is religious, actively kinky, involved in cut-throat industries, opportunistically evil, doing things blindly metaphorically, friends with untrustworthy people, supporting gender roles, superficially caring about sex appeal, an alcohol drinker, a drug addict, and sociopathic/psychopathic. So, I keep hermiting.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

If they're polyamorous.


My bish is MINE.


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## ButIHaveNoFear (Sep 6, 2017)

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> Pet cats: I'm very allergic even though I really like cats.
> 
> Multiple dogs: I'm mildly allergic, and I don't like dog smell.
> 
> Dog as personality trait: The above reasons, and it's boring if all they do is talk about their dog(s).


I need to add incompatible kinks. Some can be downright scary if they aren't your thing. Better to get out and not waste anyone's time.


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

An opposing interest, for me, I’m starting to feel is an interest of sharing aesthetic ‘stories’ on social media, such as over Instagram. I can’t for the life of me contribute to this, or really care, and I’d always feel like I’ve let my date down, then there’s the thought of: you know there’s better guys out there that can like this stuff, than me. And this is pretty much any woman that puts out her Instagram handle (on a dating site), lol.


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## Aarya (Mar 29, 2016)

First two to come to my mind:

If they're completely non-artistic they wouldn't be able to accept some of my outlets, preferred mini-games or abstract thinking.

If they're against science or heavily religious.


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## ESFJMouse (Oct 13, 2020)

Shared hobbies and interests are nice but you can always work around that.


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## deafcrossfitter (Nov 30, 2019)

Idk fam. My boyfriend is a Wiccan and tbh im not crazy about it but its his life. 

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


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## gary townsend (8 mo ago)

I had a problem with music. It is kinda one of those things unless you use headphones, you gotta see eye to eye...
One girlfriend didn't like any of my music, and I didn't like her rap. Not with her now.
I've been turned down on dates for a little too strong a garlic scent. Understandable, not everyone's cup of tea.


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## NIHM (Mar 24, 2014)

gary townsend said:


> I've been turned down on dates for a little too strong a garlic scent. Understandable, not everyone's cup of tea.


But that's a divine scent to the right person. The recipe calls for garlic, add more I always say.


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