# Need Serious Advice Preferable from INFJ



## blacksheep (Jan 10, 2009)

----The Ever So Destructive Problem that is my Head----

Sooo im hoping to get some opinions on something but ive got to put it into context first. I am currently twenty years old and am very unsure of how my brain works anymore. Over the last four years ((i ignore the 16 before because they arent as relevant)) I have spent the majority of my time preforming excessive behaviour. overeating, overdrinking, overworking etc. Pretty much anything that was exsessively sensing or acts that required my full attention and kinda block out all other mental processes. And it had been progressively getting worse until about 2 months ago.

At this point i realized that there was only one person id ever met who could understand me and I felt was compatable enough to be able to let past my defenses. Did i ever let her? No. But i kinda understood it on another level which i get with certain things. Was letting her in an option? No. ((Due to other complicated issues.)) From there i started spending lots of time alone and often drinking. I had realized that I was very cut off from everyone i knew and this behavior was how i manifested it. This period of moping I spent generally thinking about life. From here i upped my performance at the gym, went from sleeping 9-10 hours a day to 4-6, food suddenly didn't appeal to me and i found myself forcing myself to eat enough to stay healthy, i started spending atleast half my day in introspective thought, i changed to a Bachelor of Arts magoring in psychology instead of Bachelor of Science in biology which i had been doing for 2 years. This I regard as a transition phase.

And then i took the myers briggs type indicator test with a councellor at the university. The computer test indicated that i was XXXX. ((i dont remember because it isnt important)). Then she helped me to decide on my own seperately what type i was. XXXX didnt feel right for some reason and through my talk with the councellor i decided that i am INFJ which was very different from whatever XXXX was. Sooo i started reading about this curious type and i was amazed at how well a few pages could explain why i feel the way i do in situations. This helped explain why sometimes something would happen...i would react with A and then i would do B because it seemed more logical and i would be miserable. As i have been reading about INFJ ive come to the conclusion that i have been disregarding the F aspect of my personality. Why? Maybe its because a male who is as emotionally inclined as me is outcast in western culture. Maybe its because exposing that side of me when noone around me is capable of understanding where im coming from distanced me. Point is that i was then able to validate the way my mind wanted me to think.

I thought i might be willing myself into being INFJ but was able to refute that idea. Mostly because It makes sense out of my life. Also because i had kinda figured out half of it before i took the myers briggs test. ie ((realized i would love to major in psych// realized i was keeping people at a distance because i sensed that they werent like me)) Most importantly though was that it felt right.

Currently i find im just in a better general mood than a year ago. Not only that but ive kinda got my life together---mostly---(i'll explain that in a sec) I am going to the gym regularily and have lost weight. I eat quite healthilycompared to before. My room has gone from whirlwind to nearly perfect organized. Ive taken up reading in my spare time, something i havent done since i was a kid. Ive gone from an uncarring dropout science student to motivated arts major. Ive gone from Playing video games all the time to not at all. Relatively i feel like my tiny little world is changing into something related but completely different from what it used to be.

My theory is that I was having trouble dealing with the world. By being someone else I was able to get through the social part of highschool easily without actually dealing with my confusion. But the fact is that it was killing me inside which was evident on my disastrous life of failing out of university because i wasnt motivated not because i wasnt smart, refusing to connect with anyone on any sort of level etc. Unfortunately im fairly stubborn and I had to be broken down to absolutely nothing before I would abandon what I was doing and deal with the problem. Which I believe is me becoming much more self-actualized.

Heres where new problems comes into my life and these next few paragraph won't be as well articulated as the last few. 

___Problem A___

For some reason now i am constantly analyzing every aspect of my life.=== friends, family, strangers, everything i own, everything everyone speaks. I find that i am rethinking every aspect of my life whether its my relationship with my parents or an aquaintence or how tidy i keep my fridge or how i actually dont like that poster on my wall anymore when i loved it before. And in turn i find i am often mentally exhausted. At a guess i think that maybe i am seeing everything in a new light i am having to reorganize everything from my 20 years to fit into my new mindset. Or maybe im still in some sort of transition phase. And being so thoroughly exhausted im having trouble concentrating on my more serious issues. Big problem because im back in school im motivated and i know i can ace the classes easy but if ive got to deal with both at once this is going to be yet another horribly rough month.

___Problem B___

I'm not sure how to explain this properly but here goes. I dont really filter my conversations with people now. A friend will notice im acting a little different than i used to and i wont be able to resist telling them a little something about what is going on in my life. Before i had the option of sidesteping the question if i thought the answering might have negative results in some way. So now my mouth kinda does its own thing, exposing me to other people regardless of any consequences i think might arise as a result. Great I'm being more authentic but this is dangerous. Maybe because i dont have anyone i could talk to this is me breaking down trying to reach out even though i know i wont find help. Stupid mouth. And its not like its a huge problem because i am sooo crazy reserved with my personal stuff but i kinda want my friends to have some clue of what is happening. 

And yes i do realise that me publishing this is partially me trying to reach out but im hoping someone might be able to read me or have experienced similar thoughts or well i guess maybe im just desperate and exhaused. Who knows not me for sure. So Cheers! Hopefully this wasnt boring for you to read.


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## Zulban (Nov 11, 2008)

It seems you me that you have made a transition from F to T, but there is still a left over F element you are dealing with. I say this because you mentioned a battle between truth and harmony, which is precisely the distinction between T and F. You strike me as a strong J. I first mention confidence in typing since this forum could potentially be misleading if you are not typed properly. 

I now must inquire, how many different MB tests you have taken, and how often? There are a few good sites that might benefit you:

Test 1
Test 2

Also in the spirit of introspection you might consider taking the Enneagram nine types test. It is independent of MB but if you test strongly for one of the types, it will give you the important information of what behaviour to avoid, and what behaviour to encourage (Nine types refers to this as a negative or positive loop).

Enneagram


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## blacksheep (Jan 10, 2009)

wow that was quick!! uuhhh thanks for replying. i think your going about this wrong,, ive been trying to go over this on my own for about a month and the only thing im certain of is that im definitely INFJ. I'm trying to present everything in a logical way because thats how everyone i know works but the fact is my head doesn't work logically!! which i just realised was a huge mistake ..:frustrating: my life


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## INFJturnedENTP (Jan 10, 2009)

Problem A

First of all, You're Legitimate. What matters is what we tell ourselves. I mean, I conscientiously tell myself, word for word, for instance, inside my head "I am legitimate, and no matter what anybody else says to me that I may take personally, I realize they have it good and don't realize the inner confliction of thoughts I deal with inside myself" So their picky requests are insignificant relative to my big deal, smart mind I am dealing with" 

This prioritization of importance helps me relieve those outside pressures they have. And they should appreciate you outwardly, I say. I adopted a "But whether someone else does or doesn't acknowledge my value" doesn't matter to me. Yes..at the cost of sounding cocky inside myself, but I just keep it a secret inside myself and don't tell anybody else that) so that's what I have to do to feel good about myself. It builds my self-confidence too...Eventually I taking control of my attitudes and decisions, coupled with placing priority and great value on these things, gives me more power to think clearly. 
We can't second guess ourselves. 

Problem B
I went through it too..Changing from a J to a P because my being was sick of the inner friction and feelings which were inseparable from my values and all that. What I did was make mistakes on purpose..and found it to be a great way to learn. 

And your friends love you unconditionally..These other people who don't hang around don't have your best interests and so I don't trust them anyway..and those are costly, not friendly. Haha..I love helping you..

There you go!

Sincerely, 
Andrew


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## CJay3113 (Dec 31, 2008)

Let's see if I can help.

With Problem A, the over analyzing bit sounds like me. And I do this with everything too. I think part of it is because of one getting older. Your tastes will change, that's just natural for people to move to and from interests as they age. And when you throw in being an INFJ, this can make everything scattered in your head, lol. I don't know about you, but I'm constantly trying to find ways to better myself and improve things in general. The chaotic feeling inside that you're experiencing is part of being an INFJ. I'm stubborn too when it comes to how I want to handle things. I don't like someone getting in my way of achieving something. 

Problem B, I don't know if this is a factor of an INFJ, it could be. And I don't personally relate to this now, but I used to be like that, but I went in the other direction. I now over think before speaking. And I honestly think that saying what you mean out loud doesn't make you a bad person. There's nothing wrong with authenticity. 

I would look up the attributes for INFJ and go from there. And study the others types that you feel you might be. No one can truly diagnose you, but yourself.


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## Zulban (Nov 11, 2008)

blacksheep said:


> i think your going about this wrong


Well it seemed that you were unsure of your MB type. Also I'm always skeptical if new forum members really know their MB type. Lastly, this quote here makes you sound like a T. Just sayin


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