# Are you/Would you be a "good" parent?



## SolusChristus (Jun 21, 2015)

As stupid as this question may sound, I'd like to read your opinions on this one. I expect everyone to be honest. Please include your MBTI/Cognitive preferences and any other personality-related information you find relevant to your answer.

I'm most probably an ISTJ, Enneagram 6(w5), somewhat depressed and avoidant. Facing the current situation I have deliberately put myself in, I'd probably never become a parent. Even if I get to be one, I cannot see how I would be able to properly raise a child. I am going to be very protective, moderately supportive, too much worried and ever so disturbed. I'm gonna be afraid that every action or every word spoken might affect the child in a way, essentially scarring it in some way for a lifetime. I'll try too hard to be a cool, yet authoritative parent, and would fall way too often in the extremes, failing to achieve a real balance. I am scared that I would repeat every mistake my parents did when they raised me. I don't know if I would be a good example for my child, knowing how much BS I went through (and caused) in the past. I don't think I could earn my child's respect or trust. I will feel abandoned once the kid grows up and "leaves the nest", and I don't know how I will handle it.

How do you see yourself as a parent? Will your personal assessment reflect in the way you raise your child? How will/do you manage to suppress your weaknesses and insecurities so that they won't interfere with your parenting? If you have a child, what does he/she thinks about you as a parent? How does his/her opinion affect you? Do you care about the impression you'd make as a parent, or your only concern is your child's health/safety/happiness?

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts.


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## peter pettishrooms (Apr 20, 2015)

No.


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## Loaf (Mar 27, 2014)

I'd like to think I would make a good parent and have been told by a couple of people that I would be. But we will have to wait and see. However I am good with animals, and my niece.


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## LandOfTheSnakes (Sep 7, 2013)

I like to think I would be a good parent but I don't think anything is 100%. I think a very important thing to consider is that different styles of parenting are needed for different people (children, yes, but if I do have children, I will always view them as people who are my children). Of course, every child needs guidance, boundaries, and discipline. But children also need to learn things on their own and be allowed to make many of their own decisions and should be respected.


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

I can't take care of plants, dogs are annoying with their attention needing, my nephews frustrate the f out of me after only a few hours, no I would not be a great parent. I could probably keep a child alive, though...


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## SirRadioactiveFrog (Sep 8, 2015)

I feel kind of egoistic by saying this, but I think I would be a pretty good parent. 

I'm and INFP where Fi is my primary function. Almost all decisions I make are based on my own values and my own feelings (which is sometimes dumb, because this might lead to irrational decisions). What I value most in life is the people I love, and I most certainly will love my possibly future children, and therefore I will always prioritize them. INFP is often known to be "the healer", which in my opinion describes me, since many think I'm very empathetic (almost every week different friends or family members seek my help when they feel down). I'm also pretty good at reading people's feelings, so if I would discover that my future children were feeling down, I would do everything I could to help them. Although, I think I would be a terrible mother in the sense that I suck at doing practical things, like cooking (I burn everything I cook hahah).


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

I'm INFP

I guess I have a realistic view about parenthood? As in, I feel no pressure to be perfect, I know all I can do is try to do my best and that even that won't happen all the time, but lots of people live through mediocre parents, I mean... there's probably nobody, or very few, who actually think their parents were perfect. Everybody has issues, that's just life. I'll try to give my children a good foundation for their life, but I know my best efforts may not always turn out the way I hope.

I also think a huge part of how 'good' a parent I'll be to a child depends on the child too, whether my style of personality and parenting fits well with what they need or not. I'll try to pay attention and adapt to their needs, but I can't change who I am. I mean... I love my mom, and think she was great, but there were certainly some personality clashes between us that caused some issues I may not have had if we'd been more on the same page with certain things. But again, that's life. 

I think I'll be a great mom for certain kinds of kids. If they're readers, or artistic I'll be great at encouraging their hobbies, giving them opportunities, and sharing the fun. If they're sensitive and shy I'll be great at comforting and giving them reassurance, giving them the kind of solid back-up my mom gave me so that what other people think doesn't seem quite so scary because there's always going to be a place you belong and are loved. If they're inquisitive and contemplative, I'll be great at looking for information and talking about ideas. 

However, if they're into sports and physical activities I'm not going to be so good at being enthusiastic about games and energetic on outings. If they're blunt and not very feely, I'm probably going to get my feelings hurt and they're probably going to get annoyed with me a lot. If they're the kind who need to push all boundaries and test authority I'm going to fluctuate between a miserable push-over and blustering irate outbursts because I just don't have a commanding presence or authoritative tone to naturally take charge with. I can handle kids who are naturally respectful and respond to positive reinforcement and a desire for emotional harmony with you (like I was as a child), but whenever I try to put my foot down.... nobody seems to be very impressed, even kids, and then when I get frustrated enough I just loose it and yell, and nobody is very impressed with that either. :/ I know I'll try my best if I have a child like this, but it's definitely not going to come naturally like the things in the other paragraph.

I do have fears about my absentmindedness being a problem sometimes. And while I don't think I'll be 'over-protective' I do tend to be a worry wart. And I worry about getting too drained because of being very introverted.

Some of my traits that I think will help make me a good mother are:
- generally gentle, accepting, encouraging approach to others 
- good at listening and comforting
- imagination and enjoyment of 'simple pleasures' to help me connect and play with kids
- affectionate
- respect for children, not being overly condescending or controlling
- generally being a patient and happy person
- valuing people and relationships over a lot of other things, so my kids will know they are really important
- trying not to use passive aggressive / manipulative tactics
- fairly insightful about people, and valuing individuality


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## Miniblini (Jun 4, 2014)

I put Probably not, as that leaves a little room to be wrong. 

I do not think I have the mental fortitude to take care of another human, let alone a squishy babby.


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## Millie (Nov 22, 2014)

Doubtful, but I sure as hell am not planning on finding out.


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## Hei (Jul 8, 2014)

Thus far I have proven that I am great with young kids. I cannot say, however, if I will fare well with an infant. 

For the time being I will enjoy deluding myself with the thought of me being an excellent future parent.


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## Nesta (Jan 17, 2015)

I don't think I would be a good parent. I think that I have too much to still process from my own childhood. I am also uncomfortable around kids and don't really like being around them for that long.


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## Im FiNe (Oct 17, 2013)

I'm the father of two girls. One has graduated from college. The other should graduate high school this summer.

The best time of my life was during the two years that I got to be a stay-at-home dad with our elder daughter.

I will say that my ESFJ wife helps keep things grounded, real, and practical.

I'm an INFP, 4w5-1-6w5. I don't meet the standards I have in my heart, mind, and soul. My doubting that I'm a good parent should not come as a shock.


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## katemess (Oct 21, 2015)

I like to think I'll be a good parent, but I think the most important factor in that is being ready. I'm not one of those people who would cope well with parenthood if it was something I didn't plan and wasn't ready for. Some people can take that in their stride and adapt, but I think it would be very easy for me to become depressed and resentful. 

I have to do things on my own terms. When I want to be a parent and am ready for it, I think I'll be good.


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## Octavarium (Nov 27, 2012)

One of the few things in life I've been quite certain about for as long as I remember is that I never want to have children. I don't think I'd make a terrible parent, but I'm not naturally a nurturing/maternal type. If I did have children, I think I'd be a responsible parent, and I'd want to make sure I was doing the right thing for my children as far as possible, but I've always worried that I wouldn't really connect with them, that they'd be born and I wouldn't have any attachment or bond with them. Looking after kids for me would probably feel like a chore or duty that was taking away from the time I could be spending doing the things I actually want to do, and someone with that attitude probably shouldn't be having kids.


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

I would make an appalling father. Well, I don't know for sure. What I do know is that I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of having children, for a number of reasons:

- It would force me to make some lifestyle changes which I really don't want to do, like giving up weed, and getting rid of my favoured sports car in exchange for a dull and drab family sedan. What's life without ganja and hooning?

- I would be forced to deal with a personal moral dilemma to which I can see no adequate solution: do I respect my ideals and let my child grow up and make all the decisions in life for him/herself, or do I intervene and set him/her on what I think is the correct path? If I intervene, even though my path *is* the correct one, aren't I breaking a central tenet of my own ideology that children should have self-determination? On the other hand, if I don't intervene and my child takes the course of action which is absolutely in the opposite direction to the one I have chosen; or worse, if they end up heroin addicts, or homeless, or in prison, or dead, can I live with myself for not intervening in their life?

- If I had a child I would have to have a wife, and you know I ain't tryna go out like that! I'll be a player for life!

- I don't want the responsibility of having somebody who is dependent on me personally.

- I have certain ambitions in life and having children runs counter to them. Did Robespierre ever have kids? Spartacus? How about Tiberius Gracchus? I think not! Once you have children they must become your number 1 priority, and for me, the fate of the world is my number 1 priority.


MBTI: INFJ
Enneagram: 5w4
Age: 22


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## Rags (Apr 11, 2015)

I'd get the job done, but i'm pretty sure i'd be extremely miserable. It's a person I'll have to be attached to for two decades, someone who would rule over my free time, something that doesn't come with vacation days :crazy:


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