# Why do I get offended when people hate the things I love? What to do about it?



## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

I have an issue that's been on my mind alot lately that I don't know how to 'shake off.' I'm normally a very rational, logical person but this issue that I have is the complete opposite of that. I want help dealing with it because it inevitably affects my relationships with others. 

When there's something I really like and feel passionate about, I want others to feel the same way I do and it's quite disheartening to me if they tell me they hate it or say things like "it's garbage", etc. Music, movies, tv shows, books, art, heck even foods. I want people to like the things I like and find it puzzling that what moves me or intrigues me so much could possibly be repulsive to someone else. 

Yes, I know people are different and all that, but it doesn't seem like a good enough explanation. It's like they put down the things I'm passionate about, it's like they are putting me down as a person. The reaction I get is a strong physiological reaction that I can't control. Muscles tighten, the heart feels like it's sinking. This is really embarrassing and it took me alot of courage to post this here. But sometimes I get so overwhelmed by others' negativity that I literally cry. Not in front of them of course. That would be way too embarrasing. 

Why do I get so offended in the first place? Most people don't care to the extent I do. Some people even relish the fact that there tastes are unique and different from everyone else. It seems so irrational that I'm offended by it. That people can hurt me unintentionally by putting down something I like. 

I've tried reasoning with myself to not let it get to me, but that hasn't worked. Sometimes it even makes it worse because I dwell on it too much- the fact that I'm overreacting and then I just get depressed about being too sensitive. 

This problem undoubtedly affects my relations with others. Inevitably people will disappoint me because no two people like exactly the same things. Sometimes it hurts even more when I person I otherwise greatly like and respect absolutely hates the thing I love. It's even worse when they are so stubborn about it that they refuse to keep an open mind and at least try to understand where I'm coming from. 

For example, a friend of mine and potential future boyfriend, said he despised all musicals. Of course I was hurt because one of the things I love doing is going to the theater and seeing musicals. I hated that he made such a sweeping, overgeneralizing statement like that. To me, musicals are incredibly diverse and music and acting are really the only things they have in common. The style of music, the plotlines are all very different from one to another. Maybe he had a bad experience with one that he saw, but he insisted that he would never see one again and that it was absolute torture. To me, that was enough to not want to pursue a relationship with him any further. The fact that he was so stubborn and closed minded about it. At the time I fantasized dating him, and of course going to the theatre together and then to have that fantasy shattered. Knowing that there really is no way to you can change his mind and even if you did drag him there, it wouldn't really be fun because he didn't enjoy it and I would feel guilty and selfish 'making' him go.

Even with Facebook friends, I have had a couple people who I've stopped following their posts because they rant too much about music, celebrities, movies, etc. they hate. (and of course inevitably, some that I love). I have a hard time not wanting to get all defensive about it. 

What MBTI or enneagram types are most prone to this problem? Can I even be an INTP anymore? It sounds very much like a feeling type thing. Or maybe it's just inferior Fe that doesn't know what to do with itself. 


I know this is an embarrassing problem to admit to having, when other people truly have adversity in their lives. But this does negatively affect my life and relations with others. Oftentimes I don't share the things I'm the most passionate about because I don't want to be hurt by others' potentially caustic remarks. 

How do I get over this? How do I stop caring so much?


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Narcissism. You think what you like is perfect and that everyone should like it. One of my uncles was like that. Age and the cost it puts on ones career eventually brought him around though.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Carpentet810 said:


> Narcissism. You think what you like is perfect and that everyone should like it. One of my uncles was like that. Age and the cost it puts on ones career eventually brought him around though.


Any useful advice? I know I have a problem. Just telling me I'm narcissistic is just going to make me feel worse.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

The Exception said:


> Any useful advice? I know I have a problem. Just telling me I'm narcissistic is just going to make me feel worse.


Well you have to realize that letting it win now will hurt you later in life. It took many lost promotions, lost family members, and lost friends for my uncle to suppress it. 

How I deal with things in this nature is to get a sheet of paper and draw a flowchart of what I do wrong. Then I add what I want to do right as alternate flow directions. Make sure you use a gold marker.(Easy to see without being annoyingly bright.) Write with letter sizes easily seen from across the room. Take the sheet of paper and put a small piece of tape on each of the four corners. Mount it beside the door frame at eye level in your room or apartment so you see it everytime you leave.


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## Hurricane Matthew (Nov 9, 2012)

I have known two people who had this same issue and I legitimately hurt their feelings unintentionally by saying I didn't like some anime they loved. This never failed to baffle me every time it happened because I couldn't care less if they didn't like the same anime as me, though I did make an attempt to think more about it and try to figure out why my opinion of these anime mattered so much as it was interesting and bizarre to me. I've never brought up my theory with them as I don't want to hurt their feelings further, but I wonder if they simply have too much attachment and value to these shows and have made it too big of a piece of their own identity for their own good, so me saying "I dislike that anime" is almost synonymous with "I dislike you". Personally, I wouldn't ever want some piece of media to be a huge piece of my own self and identity so even the shows/movies/music/etc I like most are still kept at some distance from my idea of "self", if that makes sense? If you place too much value on something as being a part of you, then it's natural to assume someone disliking it would be directly offensive to you. Ever since thinking this way about them, I've come to the conclusion that they need to build up more of their own personality and identity a bit more so that something as impersonal as some random person's opinion of media wouldn't affect them as much. 

I'd suggest go out and find some constructive hobbies and skills to work on that can be incorporated into your person and identity. Go travel, do some soul searching. Things like that will help you build a better idea of "self" so that external media and sources of entertainment aren't so important to you anymore. I don't know anything about you besides what you wrote in your post, but in the case of the two people I've met with your same problem as you described, they don't have enough hobbies and interests to build up other values, so they get hung up on valuing media and entertainment way too much. Said individuals may not even know who they "really are" and don't know how to define themselves outside of what media they like. I kind of think it's unhealthy when people describe themselves as being "passionate" about a form of media/entertainment unless the person is actually creating something ((ie having a passion for CREATING music = good, constructive and expressive. having a passion for CONSUMING music = meh get a life)). Being entertained shouldn't be someone's passion.


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## piano (May 21, 2015)

...Fi?


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Honestly, I would love for someone to explain this to me.

It is just rediculous the serious rage so many people feel when I tell them simply " No thanks, that isn't my thing." 

I don't know, it's that they take it as a personal attack against them?


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## stormgirl (May 21, 2013)

Fumetsu said:


> Honestly, I would love for someone to explain this to me.
> 
> It is just rediculous the serious rage so many people feel when I tell them simply " No thanks, that isn't my thing."
> 
> I don't know, it's that they take it as a personal attack against them?


I think it comes down to the fact that many people just don't have a strong sense of self. They mistake the things they like as representing who they are, so they take it really personally when someone doesn't like something they do. When you know who you are, this doesn't happen, because you realize someone not liking something you like is not a personal attack.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Don't give a fuck. Everyone has shit taste. Me included.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

@_The Exception_

If everyone liked the same you liked, how boring would that be? The main thing that makes other people so interesting is _they are not you_. Embrace that. Find out what they are passionate about that you don't like. Explore that aspect with them, and invite them to explore those aspects about you. Perhaps through such mutual exchanges, you'll both broaden your interests and grow. Make it a "cultural exchange" of sorts. 

I did this with a friend of mine. He's really into the Hard Metal singer: "Danzig." I'm not that big of a fan, but he was so excited about it, that I let myself get swept up in his passion and went with him. I enjoyed the show because he enjoyed it. When his former "Misfits" bandmate Doyle showed up for the encore, my buddy went absolutely NUTS! It was great.


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

This thread made me laugh! 
You just have to understand that it isn't personal. They don't like what you like because of their personal tastes, not because they hate you or are willing to annoy you. There's no secret about it!


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## sudo (Dec 8, 2015)

theory of mind.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Carpentet810 said:


> Narcissism. You think what you like is perfect and that everyone should like it. One of my uncles was like that. Age and the cost it puts on ones career eventually brought him around though.


I don't always think what I like is perfect. Sometimes I like things in spite of their flaws. It's just that sometimes I happen to find the flaws more minor or trivial compared to the whole. But there are a few select things I absolutely love that in my mind can do no wrong.

It's funny you mention narcissism because it used to be that narcissistic would be the last thing I'd use to describe myself. After all, I present myself to others as a rather humble, modest person. But then I read about covert narcissism, and how they can masquerade as sensitive introverts and took a test measuring level of covert narcissism. I scored well above average- 89 to be exact. 

If you're curious, the test is here.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Matvey said:


> I have known two people who had this same issue and I legitimately hurt their feelings unintentionally by saying I didn't like some anime they loved. This never failed to baffle me every time it happened because I couldn't care less if they didn't like the same anime as me, though I did make an attempt to think more about it and try to figure out why my opinion of these anime mattered so much as it was interesting and bizarre to me. I've never brought up my theory with them as I don't want to hurt their feelings further, but I wonder if they simply have too much attachment and value to these shows and have made it too big of a piece of their own identity for their own good, so me saying "I dislike that anime" is almost synonymous with "I dislike you". Personally, I wouldn't ever want some piece of media to be a huge piece of my own self and identity so even the shows/movies/music/etc I like most are still kept at some distance from my idea of "self", if that makes sense? If you place too much value on something as being a part of you, then it's natural to assume someone disliking it would be directly offensive to you. Ever since thinking this way about them, I've come to the conclusion that they need to build up more of their own personality and identity a bit more so that something as impersonal as some random person's opinion of media wouldn't affect them as much.


I know my sense of self is more than just the things I like. But the things I like are important to me, I spend alot of time pursuing the things I like, so in that way it is important to my 'sense of self.' 



Matvey said:


> I'd suggest go out and find some constructive hobbies and skills to work on that can be incorporated into your person and identity. Go travel, do some soul searching. Things like that will help you build a better idea of "self" so that external media and sources of entertainment aren't so important to you anymore. I don't know anything about you besides what you wrote in your post, but in the case of the two people I've met with your same problem as you described, they don't have enough hobbies and interests to build up other values, so they get hung up on valuing media and entertainment way too much. Said individuals may not even know who they "really are" and don't know how to define themselves outside of what media they like. I kind of think it's unhealthy when people describe themselves as being "passionate" about a form of media/entertainment unless the person is actually creating something ((ie having a passion for CREATING music = good, constructive and expressive. having a passion for CONSUMING music = meh get a life)). Being entertained shouldn't be someone's passion.


I have plenty of hobbies and interests to keep me occupied. It isn't just media and entertainment. And yes, I can get angry on the inside if people put down any one of my hobbies and interests as well. Like my mother thinks 'personality theory' is just garbage. That really hurt me alot and I made up my mind I would never speak to her again about it. 

But what's wrong with consuming music????? Or any form of entertainment?? It shouldn't be the only thing we ever do- our lives would be rather meaningless if we just did that because we are not putting anything useful back into society, but what is wrong with enjoying entertainment some of the time?


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

i cant play the piano said:


> ...Fi?


I have seriously considered that I might actually be INFP. I'm not sure though, because I do fit most of the INTP description. Normally, I'm a very analytical, rational person, except for this problem I'm writing about. I do relate alot to the INFP description though and on MBTI tests, I do sometimes score INFP.


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## Dyidia (May 28, 2010)

The Exception said:


> I have seriously considered that I might actually be INFP. I'm not sure though, because I do fit most of the INTP description. Normally, I'm a very analytical, rational person, except for this problem I'm writing about. I do relate alot to the INFP description though and on MBTI tests, I do sometimes score INFP.


FWIW, my initial impression was inferior Fe (of the Socionics sort), especially the musical part. You feel in the grips of it and want to be rid of it -- not really how people usually relate to their dominant.

It might be easier to set people's negativity aside if you are close to or involved with many people who share your interests. That way, you can instead think of the cool people that like what you do. 

On a similar note, maybe you could try considering more what your interests mean to you, why you like what you like. A lot of the time, when someone criticizes something I like, my attitude is that they are often wildly misinformed or prejudiced due to their own problems. But sometimes even I think some of the things I like are crap, or think the reasons people usually like something I like are crap. Anime is a good example -- so when I hear people think people who like anime are childish or whatever I actually agree, despite having some of my favorite media be anime series. But I also think when they make such sweeping generalizations that they're pretty misinformed, and probably are just saying that because it's cool to hate on it. (The anti-Justin Beiber phenomenon is a great example of the latter -- I actually did this myself until a friend pointed it out to me.) 

I kinda deal with the opposite problem -- wishing there was something I really believed in and could just get swept up in a shared communal feeling. It's a manifestation of the 9 condition, I think, to be chronically uninvested. I mention this because I think trying to directly *remove* that feeling comes with the opposite problem of being also less enamored with what you once loved. But otoh, if you're okay with that, practicing detachment, like with meditation or Buddhist philosophy would probably also help.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

*WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE HONESTY MORE BRUTAL THAN OBERYN MARTELL'S DEATH (Game Of Thrones, Season 4).*
*Read this at own risk. If you feel overly offended by this, do not report me for what you are about to expect, which is me giving you the Gregory House treatment/diagnosis. You have been warned.*

From context, it's pretty fucking obvious you're female, and you definitely suffer from an inferiority complex (low self-esteem) bred out of an underdeveloped social life (Fe) and unstable tolerance (bottling up inner emotions and unable to let it out, tolerating everything despite being painfully intolerant), which could eventually either leads to a superiority complex out of over-compensation, which is unlikely, given the submissiveness, or manic depression, a manifestation of an unstable self-esteem, basically an unstable depression. You are also likely to have insomnia, because of emotional vulnerability and high levels of introversion, causing you to be more tired in general, meaning you'd try to compensate by staying up longer, which only increases the insomnia and strengthens the vicious cycle. Picking up on you being overly passionate about your interests despite being emotionally dependent, plus you wanting everybody to like the same things as you suggests ego-centrism and lack of empathy. You also seem to be the type of person to accidentally do something socially awkward and completely regret it afterwards.
Adding everything up, Asperger's seems likely, but it's only one of many ways to connect the dots, so I'd reccomend for you to take a look at Asperger's and tell me what you think of it. I'm not implying you're autistic in the common sense, but you possess defining traits. If you got this far, respect for being open-minded.

*How do you stop caring?*
Grow a thick skin, and get a better grip on who to trust. Nobody can tell you anything about your own emotions. It'll happen eventually, but if you stop caring completely, you will neglect your emotions even more, and it'll damage your self-esteem when you happen care after all. Don't stop caring, but rather, care about the bright side, and stay optimistic, as illogical as it may be.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

The Exception said:


> I don't always think what I like is perfect. Sometimes I like things in spite of their flaws. It's just that sometimes I happen to find the flaws more minor or trivial compared to the whole. But there are a few select things I absolutely love that in my mind can do no wrong.
> 
> It's funny you mention narcissism because it used to be that narcissistic would be the last thing I'd use to describe myself. After all, I present myself to others as a rather humble, modest person. But then I read about covert narcissism, and how they can masquerade as sensitive introverts and took a test measuring level of covert narcissism. I scored well above average- 89 to be exact.
> 
> If you're curious, the test is here.


33. Only 2 questions were greater than 1.

I dislike sharing the credit of an achievement with others: I don't share undeserved credit with anyone. 

My secret thoughts, feelings, and actions would horrify some of my friends: Oh yeah!

The test reads like passive-aggressive narcissism.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

The Exception said:


> I have seriously considered that I might actually be INFP. I'm not sure though, because I do fit most of the INTP description. Normally, I'm a very analytical, rational person, except for this problem I'm writing about. I do relate alot to the INFP description though and on MBTI tests, I do sometimes score INFP.


On the other hand though I think it could be a mixture of Fi and Fe. Fi in that they have strong internal feelings about things that they value deeply. Fe in that they check to see how their opinions line up with other people and being influenced by them. 

But there could be some Ti in there too because even though ones likes and dislikes is feeling based, I'm still analyzing it to death. Why do I let my feelings get the best of me? Why do I like X but you don't and vice versa? Why do some people prefer the mountains and others prefer the seashore, etc., etc.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

stormgirl said:


> I think it comes down to the fact that many people just don't have a strong sense of self. They mistake the things they like as representing who they are, so they take it really personally when someone doesn't like something they do. When you know who you are, this doesn't happen, because you realize someone not liking something you like is not a personal attack.


I think I have a good sense of self in knowing who I am as a person, what my values are, my strengths, my weakness, who I want to be in life, and my own likes and dislikes. It isn't so much having a weak sense of self as it is in having a thin skin- allowing my self-worth to be overly defined by what others say and think. So really, my issue is trying to overcome that.



Aya of Rivia said:


> Don't give a fuck. Everyone has shit taste. Me included.


Well shit taste is subjective of course, but people sometimes act like it's a fact that something's inherently bad or 'garbage' just because they don't like it themselves.

I don't want to be judged poorly based on what I like. People are more than the TV shows/movies they watch, the music they listen too, the decor they display in their homes. Yet, people make inferences all the time based on these types of things. I don't want people making wrong inferences about me. Just because sometimes I enjoy a sitcom that doesn't require much deep thinking does not mean I'm anti-intellectual for example. Yet some people seem to think just that.



tanstaafl28 said:


> @_The Exception_
> 
> If everyone liked the same you liked, how boring would that be? The main thing that makes other people so interesting is _they are not you_. Embrace that. Find out what they are passionate about that you don't like. Explore that aspect with them, and invite them to explore those aspects about you. Perhaps through such mutual exchanges, you'll both broaden your interests and grow. Make it a "cultural exchange" of sorts.


I'm willing to meet others halfway, to explore what it is they like so much, to understand them better. Maybe I will expand my interests, maybe it won't ever by 'my thing' but at least I can relate to the person better. But it seems like others aren't so accomodating towards me in that regard. So the relationship doesn't seem symmetrical, doesn't seem quite 'fair.' 

I also don't feel all that comfortable with dragging others to do something I want to do and they don't. 

And you are absolutely right- the world would certainly be a boring place if everyone was the same. Having that mindset, does give me a bit of perspective (although I still wouldn't mind if they were more like me.)


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

The Exception said:


> Well maybe it's funny for you because you don't have this issue yourself, but I don't appreciate being laughed at for this. For me, it's a problem in my life that I really want to fix.
> 
> I know people have different personal tastes but for me that doesn't seem like a satisfying enough answer. *Why* do they have those tastes in the first place? *Why* do I have my own tastes? *Why* are people so different? I do tend to overanalyze everything and want to go beyond just what's on the surface.


I'm sorry, I didn't know you would react that way :sad: 
I just thought that you would understand and think: "Oh, it is normal, I don't need to be worried!"
I think I act like you. When I get offended, I feel humiliated and so small that my first thought is: I have to get out of here and cry!
Maybe it is a Fi thing. Sorry, I was cold!


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

95134hks said:


> BPD's (borderline not bipolar) and narcissists cannot understand that.
> 
> It is a psychosis.
> 
> ...


You're right. He could have BPD and my post would be totally useless :frustrating:


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## Dyidia (May 28, 2010)

The Exception said:


> So when you say 'inferior function' in socionics, I wonder if you are referring to the suggestive function or to the vulnerable function.


Suggestive. The correlate to the vulnerable function in Jungian theory is basically just oppositional force to the preferred auxiliary.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Karla said:


> I'm sorry, I didn't know you would react that way :sad:
> I just thought that you would understand and think: "Oh, it is normal, I don't need to be worried!"
> I think I act like you. When I get offended, I feel humiliated and so small that my first thought is: I have to get out of here and cry!
> Maybe it is a Fi thing. Sorry, I was cold!


It's okay, you're forgiven.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

95134hks said:


> I live without emotions.
> 
> The world and life are too painful to live with emotions.
> 
> The only emotion that I allow myself is that I love my cat.


Well, loving your cat is a good start. I know what you mean, some emotions seem too 'painful' and I'd like to do without them. But I guess the negative emotions are needed to make the positive emotions all the better. 

What if we were happy all the time? Would we even know that we were happy because the baseline is constant? There's nothing to compare it to? 

So in that sense happiness is relative. 

Sorry for going off on a tangent here.


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## 95134hks (Dec 20, 2015)

The Exception said:


> Well, loving your cat is a good start. I know what you mean, some emotions seem too 'painful' and I'd like to do without them. But I guess the negative emotions are needed to make the positive emotions all the better.
> 
> What if we were happy all the time? Would we even know that we were happy because the baseline is constant? There's nothing to compare it to?
> 
> ...


I am happy all the time while living with no emotions other than the love for my cat.

My cat does not lie.

My cat does not cheat.

My cat has been the most faithful person on this Earth.

And he is super smart too -- a true pleasure in a cruel and painful and dangerous world.


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## 95134hks (Dec 20, 2015)

Karla said:


> I'm sorry, I didn't know you would react that way :sad:
> I just thought that you would understand and think: "Oh, it is normal, I don't need to be worried!"
> I think I act like you. When I get offended, I feel humiliated and so small that my first thought is: I have to get out of here and cry!
> Maybe it is a Fi thing. Sorry, I was cold!


Not taking anything that personally helps with keeping your emotions in check.

The expression for this goes like this: don't wear your feelings on your sleeve.


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## sudo (Dec 8, 2015)

OP - I can see some similarities in your personality/posting style to my own and can relate a bit to your original post, but in a different way. I am indifferent to how people perceive my taste in aesthetics, culture, music, etc. I will go even further and say that apart me relishes in the fact that some my cultural tastes in music and art might not appeal to the average person. I think that might be a 4w5 thing! 

Anyway, as an adolescent I was attracted and drawn to the underground music subcultures, and I often couldn't understand how the music I listened to wasn't more popular and well received and liked by others, but yet Britney Spears and Nsync were tearing up the charts. 

As I got a little older, I started to realize that a lot my interests just don't appeal to the mainstream, and that is a good thing. I actually take pride in that and see it as a positive.

Oh, as for this:



The Exception said:


> Can you please clarify what you mean by that?


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

Metasentient said:


> Are you familiar with AsPD, or any of the associated conditions?


Antisocial Personality Disorder? It's similar to Psychopathy, in the way that they emotionally don't care about anybody and have no doubts or remorse when capitalizing off of a person by harming them. People with AsPD also tend to be impulsive and aggressive.


_In *DSM-IV-TR*, it's a disorder categorized in Cluster B, and it's defined by_

*1.* A pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others, occurring since being 15 years of age, as 

a) Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
b) Deception, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
c) impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
d) irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
e) reckless disregard for safety of self or others
f) consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
g) lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

*2.* The person being at least 18 years of age (which is technically a contradiction, but that's how it's defined...)

*3.* The individual having Concuct Disorder with onset before the individual has reached the age of 15 years

*4.* The occurrence of antisocial behavior not being exclusively during schizophrenia or a manic phase.


_In *ICD-10*, however, it's defined by at least 3 of the following symptoms_

*1.* Apathy, specifically no concern for other people's feelings

*2.* A persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations

*3.* Inability to maintain long-term relationships, despite having no difficulty establishing them

*4.* Intolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharges of aggression, including violence

*5.* Inability to experience guilt or to learn from experience, particularly punishment

*6.* Readiness to blame others, or to offer plausible explanations for the behavior, that has brought the individual into conflict with society.

The ICD-10's diagnosis includes _amoral, antisocial, asocial, psychopathic, and sociopathic personality disorder_. Although the disorder is not the same as Conduct Disorder, presence of said disorder during childhood or adolescence could further support the diagnosis of _Dissocial Personality Disorder_. An associated feature could also be persistent irritability.


_The american psychologist *Theodore Millon* has suggested 7 subtypes to AsPD._

*Nomadic* types are distant from people and society, and tend to be in a rut of self-pity. These individuals (who seem harmless) are impulsively violent towards weaker targets. Nomadic types tend to have _Schizoid_ and _Avoidant_ features.

*Malevolent* types basically want vengeance. They had terrible pasts, but instead of being haunted by it, they become resentful. They are brutal and fearless. Malevolent types often have _Paranoid_ features, expecting to be betrayed by their acquiantances or friends, and have _Sadistic_ tendencies as well.

*Covetous* types feel that society owes them something, which makes them insecure about their status. They are often greedy opportunists who pity and belittle people who are easily manipulated.

*Risk-taking* types are natural thrill seekers, no matter if it's murder, sky diving, pranks, or risking their life. They enjoy killing, not because they're sadistic and enjoy hurting people, but rather enjoy the physical activity of doing it. Thay also have no regard for anybody's safety. These types could have _Histrionic_ traits. (typical ESTPs haha)

*Reputation-defending* types want to be viewed as strong and fearless. If their reputation is hurt, they tend to become furious and overcompensate by attacking or, in worst case, murdering people. They also often to overreact. These types are usually _Narcissistic_.

*Unprincipled* types are amoral and lack loyalty. They often lie to benefit themselves and they are often arrogant, suggesting _Narcissistic_ features.

*Tyrannical* types are very dominant and authoritiative, and like to force others to submit to them. They are quite abusive, accusative and destructive and have no intentions of mercy. They have _Sadistic_ and _Negativistic_ features.


*That's all I know. Is anything here missing?*


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

*Thread warning:*

Help a fellow human being out without resorting to armchair diagnosis please. Common sense, giving a helping hand to talk about it instead of finger pointing please. 

While we're at it. Let's hear some random James Brown.


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## Force Majeure (Apr 15, 2015)

Because you're insecure and unconsciously try to fit in?
few people like the things I like. It is kind off annoying not have much common ground with many others; which makes it so much better to find someone which shares common interests.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

i cant play the piano said:


> ...Fi?


fe fi fo fum?
fi fi
fe fe 
si si fi fi?

well any hoo to not derail
it's no big deal if others have different tastes
i have very unique tastes in music, literature, etc
most people do not like the same things as i do
it's not up to me to tell them what they must like
tbh i also detest musicals
it's all about acceptance


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

95134hks said:


> I live without emotions.
> 
> The world and life are too painful to live with emotions.
> 
> The only emotion that I allow myself is that I love my cat.


I wouldn't go as far as removing emotions completely. But I like controlling them.

IE Creating positive emotions within myself. Happiness comes from within. That way I am not a vulture leeching off other people to feel good.

As far as bad emotions go, I don't just think "Im negative, oh well negativity is an emotion", I meditate, relax and thn think WHY? Then I go into CBT mode.

Normally it comes down to some negative belief so I do Belief Change work on myself and alter my core beliefs about myself.

If its fear, well that's just a directional compass, it means I am pushing out of my comfort zone, that is a good thing. If I stay in my comfort zone, I will never grow. By overcoming fears I can grow as a person and be capable of more.

As for bad experiences, I just take the view well it could of been worst, that way it dosnt affect me as much. Like when I got mugged at knife point. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I took the view it could of been a gun and they could of shot me. At the end of the day, I cant control or change the past. But I can control the emotional effect it has on me.

Or I just turn it into a joke. Like in the army. Beastings were funny. Sure some people broke from the,. But once they are viewed as funny. they have no negative emotional impact.

Emotions are funny things, they can control us and consume us if we let them. But if we take control they can empower us.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

It seems like low self-esteem. I think it's quite common, especially if you are young and figuring out yourself and your place in the world. Everyone can get a little disheartened if someone they care for judges their taste in something, but the problem with low self-esteem is that you care what others say much more than you should. Be confident about your taste, because we like what we like and many times our reasons are good enough for us, or at least they should be. And perhaps you have to lower your expectations of others, since everyone sees things differently and what has touched you may be appalling to others. That's just the way it is. You can try to convince others of your reasons for liking things, but I think if you do it from a place of low self-esteem and the need for validation, people will likely not be convinced.
If you can't do it on your own, you can always go to a psychologist and talk about it.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Jennywocky said:


> I get what you mean by this and the OP.
> 
> I am not as extreme in my responses as you describe yourself, or at least I've learned to somehow set it all aside; but I can recognize in my own feelings the things you describe. I just control myself with rationality and that works for me... but the feelings are still there, it's not like they just go away.


I've tried to rationalize these feelings I have, but I can't make them go away, which is why I'm posting this. Because they are getting in the way for me. 



Jennywocky said:


> The overall life approach doesn't really help either. For example, I tend to have a "non-interference" policy in play, and I look at things as they are now without expecting them to change, so in that kind of situation, how could that person ever like what I like in the future? And if I'm looking for people who "sync up with me" to be part of my closest relationships (you mentioned the guy to be a potential boyfriend until that time he revealed how much he hates musicals), so automatically if something I prioritize is dismissed by someone else, well, they aren't the kind of person I'd meld with. If you're looking for that "being in sync" connection with someone, then you would feel that these people can never be in sync. Which is a dashing of hopes and connection on some level. You perceive that their essence and your essence do not match up, so why invest in something that is doomed to never reach the ideal anyway? Does that sound right?


Yes, what you described is exactly right. I tend to believe that peoples' likes and dislikes are a constant thing, which I know it's always true but I still tend to believe that. It has also worked in the opposite direction too. Someone likes something I also like so I assume that it's something I can always count on. We can always bond on that. Then I'll be disappointed when they lose interest. For example, I was talking socionics theory with someone and we had a rather in-depth discussion. Then a few days later, she tells me she hates socionics. What? You liked it a few days ago? What the hell happened? 

Then I wonder if I can even trust this person anymore? What if the person never liked it in the first place but was afraid to tell me the truth? What if the person was lying to me? Well that could be the case, but more likely is the person's interests just happened to change over time. And in my friend's case- rather rapidly. There could have been other reasons too. Sometimes people aren't very precise in their word usage. They say they hate something when really they aren't in the mood for it at the moment or something like that. Whereas, I've always been precise in my word usage. I say what I mean and expect that others will too.

In my friends case, it turned out that she kind of temporarily lost faith in socionics because she had dated someone that supposedly was her 'dual' type but the relationship ended poorly. So she temporarily lost faith in the theory. A couple weeks later, she rekindled her interest in socionics as if nothing ever happened. 



Jennywocky said:


> I don't have a silver bullet to this, but one thing is that people change to SOME degree. Or they will be willing to explore and reconsider over time, if it's with someone they care about. So this guy said he hates musicals, but maybe if you engaged him rather than silently and immediately writing him off, maybe he could come to appreciate some kinds of musicals based on your interactions. Instead of challenging him, you just wrote him off. No, it's not the ideal you were looking for, but hey, why not engage? Let him know what you think and why? I was in a relationship with someone once who didn't particularly like my music nor me his, which was disappointing to me, but we were both able to stretch and care about each other despite that.


I think my problem is that I haven't had many close, intimate relationships. The few that I've had, I felt like I couldn't truly be myself. I was pressured into giving up my interests for the other person. The other person wasn't really enthusiastic about some of my interests. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to make it work though. 



Jennywocky said:


> So anyway, I get that you're not putting your preferences on a pedestal. I don't put mine on a pedestal either, I'm very open. But for some reason when someone bluntly hates something I really like, I immediately feel bruised and want to defend it. I don't know if my background with my parents plays into it (where I often felt ashamed of the things I liked, and my father was very quick to tell me why everything sucked if it wasn't something he preferred), but maybe there are things playing into it too from your background.


My father was like that too, and to a lesser extent my mother. Plus I'm just more naturally sensitive to begin with this. Also add bad experiences with my peers to the mix. I was a socially awkward kid. I had the tendency to push my interests on other people. Because I was socially awkward (possible Aspergers but never officially got dx'ed), I didn't always pick up the more subtle hints that people maybe weren't all that interested and were just trying to be polite. So eventually, they had to be harsh with me (parents, teachers, peers), to get their point across. When I get interested in something, I tend to get *obsessed* with it, so if they aren't receptive to my interest, it hurts more because at the moment, the interest is all-consuming for me.



Jennywocky said:


> You are also likely identifying who you are with the things you like -- you "become one" with them and they express who you are. So a rejection of them might feel like a dismissal of you.
> 
> Again, it helps me when I remind myself that people aren't rejecting me, and they haven't mortally wounded me -- they are just expressing their opinion, and that's all it is. There might still be things with which you can connect with these people on, and regardless of their opinion, you are still you and the things you like are valid for you.


Yes, that's true. I do try to keep that in mind, that it's not a rejection of me. Sometimes I know very well that they are not rejecting me. I know my father loves me, even if he can be rather critical of certain things. In this case, it's more disappointment- I wanted to share something with him and experience mutual enjoyment. Like a movie or music or even go out to a certain restaurant together and he declines the offer or says yes rather begrudgingly.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

angelfish said:


> That said, the opinions it sounds like you're talking about veer into the realm of irrational attached sentiment - "I _hate_ musicals", and so on. I certainly empathize with your frustration, but again, I think it can be helpful to try to trace the origin. What reason would someone have to hate something? It's usually some kind of intense emotional connection, and often a bad experience or series of bad experiences. My fiancé one day pointed out that he hated an area of forest that I'm quite emotionally attached to. (How can you hate a beautiful golden nature preserve?!) He explained: his mother used to make him and his sister, as fairly young children, go running with her in that forest on weekends. And you know, in that light, I can kind of understand it. I hate running and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to do it as a kid on weekends. It's just a differently-colored perspective, and even though it can feel foreign and threatening, ultimately it doesn't impact me much unless he's completely unwilling to engage with me on any other level. Plus, sometimes it can present a great opportunity to help someone be reintroduced to something in a new and wonderful light - though that generally requires a lot of patience on both people's parts.
> 
> PS - I delete people on FB like that too. roud:


Excellent example! 

I think people oftentimes don't give reasons why they don't like something or at least not the *real* reason. So it seems to be to be irrational, rather arbitrary. Sometimes one's dislike is rooted into some bad experience that would on the surface seem irrational to most people but for the person who experienced it, it is real to them and perfectly valid.

Using an example from my own life, as a kid, I used to love going to the local amusement park. My family would take me there once or twice each year. Then one year, we stopped going. When I asked why, my father said, it wasn't appealing anymore, it had gotten expensive, he really only enjoyed it because I did. 

Of course I felt hurt because I felt like I was being lied to all of these years. It wasn't until several years later that I found out the *real* truth. My father had some weight and health issues. All the walking in the amusement park, was hard on him physically. Also, he was a large sized man, so some of the rides were physically uncomfortable for him, because there wasn't enough 'wiggle room.' And of course, as a kid, I was poor on picking up 'hints' like this unless I was explictly told. So for me, it seemed like suddenly he betrayed me, when really, he had a perfectly valid reason that made sense. 



Metasentient said:


> Are you familiar with AsPD, or any of the associated conditions?


As a kid, I most likely had Aspergers syndrome. Several of the symptoms matched up with my own personal experience. Overly obsessive about my interests, social awkwardness, not taking hints, etc. I never got an official diagnosis though. Even though I was initially offended at @Emologic for trying to 'diagnose' me, in all honesty, there is a good chance I have it. 

As an adult, I've learned to compensate and cope for the most part, but there are still traces of it. Most people in everyday life wouldn't suspect that I have it, unless I told them about my personal struggles in life, then they might suspect something.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Dying Acedia said:


> Suggestive. The correlate to the vulnerable function in Jungian theory is basically just oppositional force to the preferred auxiliary.


Makes sense. 




sudo said:


> OP - I can see some similarities in your personality/posting style to my own and can relate a bit to your original post, but in a different way. I am indifferent to how people perceive my taste in aesthetics, culture, music, etc. I will go even further and say that apart me relishes in the fact that some my cultural tastes in music and art might not appeal to the average person. I think that might be a 4w5 thing!
> 
> Anyway, as an adolescent I was attracted and drawn to the underground music subcultures, and I often couldn't understand how the music I listened to wasn't more popular and well received and liked by others, but yet Britney Spears and Nsync were tearing up the charts.
> 
> As I got a little older, I started to realize that a lot my interests just don't appeal to the mainstream, and that is a good thing. I actually take pride in that and see it as a positive.


I kind of partially agree/disagree with that. In my adolescence, some of the things I liked were 'underground', different from the mainstream, but I also liked alot of the 'popular' stuff too. But I think the difference was that I genuinely wanted others to share my interest in the more offbeat unusual things and disappointed when they didn't seem to care.





sudo said:


> Oh, as for this:
> 
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind


Thanks.



Emologic said:


> Antisocial Personality Disorder? It's similar to Psychopathy, in the way that they emotionally don't care about anybody and have no doubts or remorse when capitalizing off of a person by harming them. People with AsPD also tend to be impulsive and aggressive.


There's no way I have antisocial personality disorder. Aspergers, likely; antisocial, no.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Ok, this discussion is big so im probably not original, but my short answer would be - maybe you identify or self-express through these likes of yours and receiving a negative attitude from someone else is therefore personal - because your self identity is attached to those things.


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## nO_d3N1AL (Apr 25, 2014)

I think it's kinda natural in a way. I tend to feel offended when some things are super-popular and I don't see why, but that's different. However if someone dislikes something I like, I don't see that as an "attack" on me personally, it's just a difference in preference and/or opinion/interpretation. I'm more interested in their justification or liking or disliking. It's good to see things from different perspectives. If you get offended by someone disliking something you like, just remember that there is a reason for that, and you too should be honest about it. There's no point in pretending that what you like is "perfect in every way" because that depends entirely on subjective preference - what they value. Sure objectively some things are better than others but it's whether those things _matter_​ to that person.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

The Exception said:


> There's no way I have antisocial personality disorder. Aspergers, likely; antisocial, no.


It wasn't directed towards you. I was asked to define it, so that's what I did.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

all i see from your response is that you have no real goals or direction in life. you want certain things, but it doesnt seem you have any ways to go about doing them.


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## Chicken Nugget (Jan 24, 2016)

If you love something, it's normal to feel hurt or angry when someone trashes it. 

As for learning to deal with that hurt, experience or a change in mindset could help you. With enough exposure to negative opinions, the bite of your emotions will significantly lessen over time. Adapting a "Different strokes" mentality could save you the trouble of being hurt entirely.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

Kerik_S said:


> @Emologic ,
> 
> Self-reflect. I'm not the only one to find something remiss about the way you present information:
> 
> ...


*"Think"... with an "F" function... Think by feeling...*

I cannot believe my eyes while reading this BS. WTF? This is the first time I laughed at something somebody said, because this might as well be a joke.

Feelings, emotional bias, superficial correctness... These are what cloud your judgement. They are filters, they fog the truth. If I were to wrap my message up with slime and sugar-coat the icing on the cake I'd've added to my message, there would be _nothing_ left. You ask me a question and want to burn me for my answer. This is the internet, and I'm not even a troll. Don't post something unless you're prepared to get mentally hurt. However, I'm not trying to hurt the OP with that hammer. It's to test a reaction. Being honest is the point, because me being able to "get" to her _proves_ my theory. The "you don't know me" act is an impulsive defense mechanism. If you hire a hacker to defend your system, expect him to attempt to tear your system down, bit by bit, in order to fix the system. And then the Moderator ordered me to stop badgering the witness.

Yes, exactly, you see me as this sociopathic prosecutor who does anything to win and frame the witness/victim, and you being the defense attorney, ergo the moderator being the judge. However, if we're gonna play this game (minus the judge as this isn't court, so we judge eachother), I'm gonna start, by saying this:

I question the validity of your, the OP's, (or, as a matter of fact the Moderator's) opinion.

The OP has a proven inferiority complex. She's get mentally put into a corner and would fight to get out. I'm not a fighter.
The Moderator is merely doing his job. He may be on her (OP) side, but in the end, he's not doing this as a person. He's doing it in a position of authority. If you need authority to overwhelm me, you've already lost.
You, you possess cloudy judgement, fogged by morality, blinded by bias. You are against me, because I refute these things. You're playing the game like Agar.io, strengthening yourself by helping and recieving help from others, and then proceeding to eat up your enemies, or at least, what you think is your enemy. You see, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve.


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## Yuky (Aug 5, 2014)

I know there have been a lot of responses already.

I get like that when I don't connect with anyone for a long time. It ruffles me to think that a thing happened that took me farther from connecting with them.
If it gets really bad I'll start getting annoyed at people for being happy about certain things too.

It's intimacy hangryness. 

Perhaps.
Is it?


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

I used to have this problem. I got over it mostly through exposure and seeing so many fights about what sucks and doesn't. It's all over YouTube. I just became jaded to caring about it. There's a LOT of people who don't like what I like especially given that I have some extreme tastes at times. 

It used to bother me because to me it was basically implying that I like things which suck and am therefore somehow stupid or deficient. That probably is related to narcissism somehow. I felt it was an insult because it seemed like saying my discernment was lacking but I've seen it so much now that I'm going to have a problem with just too many people eventually if I let that mentality continue.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

*Thread temp-closed for review.*


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