# Falling in love quickly?



## TheOneThatGotAway (Nov 26, 2011)

If I like someone, I do have the tendency to invision marriage and whatnot but I do know that it's unlikely to happen. When I like someone, sometimes it feels like I may love them but when they say or do something I do not like, I go off them quickly (this isn't in relationships, just general attraction/friendship) and no longer really see them as 'partner material'. Obviously this _isn't _lovebecause when you love someone, you accept your differences and fight through the 'bad bits'. I've never been in love, so I can't really comment any further. :/


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## jlwalker97 (Dec 2, 2011)

When someone comes along that fits my criteria and seem to be able to tolerate me, I fall hard and fast. I;ve been reading that ENFJs do that sort of thing, once we decide something you cannot change our minds. Once I decide I love someone its set in stone. Falling out of love is tough because of the initial stubborness, that it takes me way too long to admit that the love is gone and I stay in a bad relationship way longer than I should.


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## Sedem (Mar 16, 2012)

After four years of knowing this guy, I am intimidated by the thought of calling it 'love', only because I'm not sure I know him well enough yet to call it that. However, four years of steadily growing feelings towards him, to the point that I can't think of anybody else in the world I'd rather live my life beside...perhaps it could be? Knowing the intensity of feelings I have towards him makes it very clear to me that I haven't been in love with anybody previously.


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## CooCooCaCha (Apr 22, 2012)

I think in general, I'm more rational and practical when it comes to dating than most of my friends. I usually know when something is purely physical, or purely a non-psychical emotional bond, or the person and I are looking for different lifestyles, etc. Basically, I usually pretty much know what's up, and can be fairly detached. Though, I'm sure a lot of this stems from me just being very picky, and not the most active love-hound. It's also really important for me to have an emotional, spiritual connection with the person first. It's not that I don't get physically attracted to people/ their personalities, but to me that's superficial, and while it can certainly be gratifying and enjoyable, it's unrewarding to me. It's not enough, and I don't care to waste my time and my body on meaninglessness. I like to be surprised by love. And to discover suddenly that I desire this person, fully and entirely...it's the best thing ever. And so, yes, when that happens, and it does happen only once and a while, I let go of all my fears, concerns, logic, and just let myself fall. Nothing else matters. And it's not that I become blind to their flaws, or admire those flaws, either. I've hero-worshiped before, and I know what that is. Rather, I'm aware of the person's faults, and of potential complications in the future, but none of it matters to me because what I feel is real. Maybe it's not technically "love," I do recognize that love takes time. But in terms of it feeling very very different from my normal romantic interactions, yes, I fall suddenly, all-consumingly, hard. Of course, the problem with connecting with, and developing intense feelings for, a person with whom I have yet to engage (or even speak) romantically, is that often that person ends up not returning my feelings, or my that my feelings develop too late. The Florence and the Machine lyrics, "Falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm at peace. It's only when I hit the ground, it causes all the grief," suit me perfectly. Fortunately, I think the unrequited lover is quite a noble character (unless it's someone who can't get over me, when clearly there was barely anything there to begin with and their obsessing over me is most likely just them projecting some longstanding ideal onto me--then it's pathetic and foolish!). I feel like such a martyr when I pine. The masochist in me loves it. Here's to holding out hope!


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## AgnosticGirl (Apr 20, 2012)

Jazzlee said:


> I'm not sure if this applies to only SFxs or just Feelers in general, but I have a question for you Feelers out there that I can't understand at all.
> 
> I have this little clique of girlfriends from junior high, mainly consistent of Feelers. (Me and my ENTP best friend are the only Thinkers; the others are ExFP, ISFP and INFP respectively.) The other day we had lunch out when, inevitably, we started talking about _love_. Our ISFP friend had met this guy one and a half month ago, and she claimed she was so in love with him she could imagine marrying him. (And this was not just all mushy, gushy girl talk either. She's usually pretty casual with relationships, always saying she 'doesn't know' the extent of her feelings, so this was surprising.)
> 
> ...


People just lose their head over someone and it is intense. It's not something to commit over. It's some natural, irrational feelings that happen. Just because you fall in love, doesn't mean the person is the "one". Love isn't black and white. It has to stand the stormy weather. 

Think of the Johari window. There are the known parts of others people love, but it is the unknown areas of personality that determine true love. I'd explain this to her. That she may love everything she sees on the surface, and that is love. But loving the things beneath the surface is the only way she'll know. Let her know to just go with the flow, and not let her feelings decide.


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## Tminus (Sep 16, 2011)

mastermind23 said:


> I'll repeat, since you apparently missed it the first time: Love, or rather mature love, is based on mutual understanding and compatibility, not constant self-sacrifice. You have nothing to give if your self is sacrificed for someone else.
> What are you hoping to accomplish by self-sacrifice? Are you looking to attain more love in this respect? By denying yourself? How will this make you happy? By self-sacrificing you are implying that you consider the other person and what he/she wants as more important to you than yourself, and in essence you are relegating yourself to that person. The other person is not going to respect you if they see you do not respect yourself enough to respect your own needs, and that you are ready to give them up for someone else. If you're going to observe the wider relationship dynamic, it creates a disbalance in the relationship and either a perpetual circle of misery of self-secrifice is enacted whereby the partners are each in turn playing the master/slave role (are in turns self-sacrificing), or one person is constantly self-sacrificing, thus being the slave to the wants and needs of another, who is effectively the master. It is an unhealthy dynamic which makes one or both people miserable in the end.
> Mature thing to do is to primarily respect yourself and take care of your own needs, after which you give something to someone, not out of a lack called self-sacrifice but out of abundance of being whole and not self-denied.


Love is absolutely different for each individual as well as each couple. For me, I am absolutely fulfilled the most by seeing my partner happy. To me its not self-sacrifice, because the giving is what defines me, makes me feel whole. Yes, I do have to remind myself to think about some of my selfish needs, however my selfish needs are MUCH less than I would consider the average person. 

So by taking your advice, I would personally not be fulfilled or experience love in the way that I need to (or the way that is instinctual to me). 

As to answer the original person's question, I simply don't believe love is on a time-table. Either you know or you don't...the amount of time it takes to figure out its irrelevant. 

I believe in "true" love, and I also believe there are people out there that are made for each other. However, I also believe that even though 2 people can find true love and experience it together, it can be lost or forgotten along the way as life and situations change.


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## 2GiveMyHeart2 (Jan 2, 2012)

Eh...despite my s/n (which I think people think I fall in love easily, which is not really true,) I use my head a lot when it comes to love because I don't want to end up with a creep or the wrong person to spend the rest of my life with. I guess you could say as an individual INFP, I would be a pragmatic lover--I think that's the right word. But to answer the question, different people have different experiences with love. I'm more of a hopeless romantic when it comes to shipping just characters from entertainment genres, but really have not enough faith in myself that I will find love in the real world. Our Southern boys in my area are pfft!


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## Ryosuke93 (Feb 29, 2012)

I use to have crushes every year when I was younger. That all changed when going to college. I am now highly picky and haven't had a real crush in many years...except on celebrities. haha.


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

I fall in love fast. But it happens so rarely that it's not as much an issue. When I do fall in love, I fall hard. He completely engulfs my thoughts and I think about our possible future. I love hearing from him. He could tell me he just ate a peanut butter sandwich and I would find it fascinating. But I'm too smart to let those feelings take over. I take a logical approach. I won't know if I want to marry him until we've been dating for a long time. You can't know completely in a matter of a few months. These things take time.


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

I never considered myself to be one who would fall in love quickly. When I met my current partner though, I understood what the "knowing" was. Although we didn't say "I love you" for a few months, I wrote myself a few journal entries about 5 weeks after we'd been together that I thought I was falling in love and didn't want to screw things up. It just felt...different. We both knew we had a lot to learn about each other still, but the trust, honesty, and love was there pretty early on. I don't think being in love means you necessarily know you'll be together in the long run, or that you know you can always 100% trust and rely on that person, but that's how you feel now. We're both pretty realistic, honest people and we _hope_ we're still together in 20-30-40 years, but we know people grow and change, and sometimes not with each other. I just try to live in the moment now. Sure, things may change years down the line, but we love each other and are both really happy.


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