# INTJ vs INFJ



## awordforthat (Apr 28, 2010)

So I'm fairly experienced with MBTI personality typing, but new to this particular forum. I've taken plenty of tests and I usually test as an INTJ, with fairly balanced N/S and T/F functions. 

I started poking around here and found a post by someone who was undecided on the same issue, and the commenters basically agreed that she was an INFJ. Some of the descriptions that they posted sounded a whole lot like me, so that got me thinking...have I really got my type right?

I really value logic in making decisions, and I've made several major life decisions on a purely rational basis, discounting how I actually felt about them in the interest of "making sense." Almost everything that I decide, whether it's which path to take to class or the best way to complete a project, is done with an eye towards efficiency and rationality. However, I am very sensitive to other people's moods and feelings, and I do care whether what I say offends them, because that makes future interactions difficult. I suspect that I'm an INTJ with a highly developed feeling side because my dad was verbally and emotionally abusive when I was growing up, and I had to learn how to read his emotions pretty quickly. 

Anyone have any ideas, or even questions I could ask myself to probe more deeply? 

Thanks!


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

Well, if I'm thinking of the same thread you are referencing, then I think you should take the questions asked of the original poster there and adapt them to yourself. Ultimately, it's about getting past the adaptation and behavior we have every day to inside of you and who you really are, and sometimes, that also includes digging through some sharp history that may have heavily modified the way you behave or think. You may turn out to be an INFJ or an INTJ, but I recommend you assess through both childhood (undisturbed, that is) and what you think naturally represents you.


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## Cookie Monster (Nov 6, 2009)

Hello, comrade, we have pretty similar personality types. Welcome to the forum. I consider myself to be an INTJ with a very high F (F/T is my most balanced, followed by S/N). My understanding of thinking/feeling is how you make decisions...do you use your head or your heart to guide you? Even though you developed Fe due to your situation with your dad, you may have decided to use Fe on a rational basis...as a means to avoiding an aversive situation. As someone who has a history of being abused myself, I know I have had to go out of my way to develop ways of dealing with it, even if it is NOT my nature.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

awordforthat said:


> So I'm fairly experienced with MBTI personality typing, but new to this particular forum. I've taken plenty of tests and I usually test as an INTJ, with fairly balanced N/S and T/F functions.
> 
> I started poking around here and found a post by someone who was undecided on the same issue, and the commenters basically agreed that she was an INFJ. Some of the descriptions that they posted sounded a whole lot like me, so that got me thinking...have I really got my type right?
> 
> ...


*It sounds like you may be an INTJ starting to develop your Fi? I was so suprised when I started to use mine. I was so immature before. 

You'll know when you're using Fe, it's very obvious I think. If you use it, most of the time, you don't really route for the underdog or for feelings you don't really understand. When you use Fi you try to relate to everyone whether you've been through what they've been through or not. When you use Fi you understand less socially accepted feelings. You know? 

Also do you think you use extroverted thinking or extroverted feeling?*


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

this is strange because from my experience INTJs and INFJs are really quite different. 
INTJs love logic and not only use it a lot, but love using it and love doing things which require them to be good at it.
INFJs are far more cooperative than INTJs, an INTJ might want to win at a game more than anything else and enjoy feeling competent, wheras an INFJ would want everyone to enjoy themselves playing a game more than anything else.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

Other indications you could be more INFJ than INTJ:

- Cruelty in people bugs you more than their stupidity/inefficiency

- Even if you win a debate, you'd feel bad afterwards if you've said something mean. You feel there is little excuse for hurting other people's feelings

- People often ask you why you always look sad (rather than angry)

- You have a strong desire to please but you're terrible at asking for what you need. You've been in relationships/friendships where you gave and gave and gave and finally left because you were upset the other person was taking you for granted.


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## nel (Jun 16, 2009)

I am married to an INTJ and base on my experience its not that you don't feel a certain emotions or not sensitive about something but as what cookie monster said, i think its more of how you react to it, do you try to look to all possible reasons why? and how? or just feel all the emotions about it. Every time me and my husband have some sort of conflict i can honestly say that we are both kind of lost, him for trying to figure out what was really happened and how to fix it, as he always ask "how should i do it differently? or how can i make you feel good? instead of just be there for me in my moment of strong emotions, and me drowning in my strong emotions even though i myself don't know why i would feel such certain emotion but feeling guilty because i also can feel he is having a hard time dealing with it with less emotions of course. For most of the time we resolve our issues him trying to do better and me trying to be less emotional about everything. We both are trying to understand each other differences. He always use an enormous understanding toward my emotions and i always use a never ending patience toward him for lacking of it.


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## username (Apr 6, 2010)

Isn't it possible that when you test with very balanced T/F functions, that you are not going to fit either description (INTJ, INFJ) but be a sort of blend of the two personalities?


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## SarahWilliams (May 5, 2010)

So I realize I am generalizing... However, since you are a woman, I think you are a natural INTJ who is socialized to be more F. 

The women INTJ's I know come across as somewhat warm, and less awkward than their male counterparts. I think in large part it is due to society placing 'emotions' as a woman's natural ability.

I know my opinion is arguable on this point, but I thought I would mention it. 

Also, I think by and large INFJ's and INTJ's can be similar. We communicate really well together. I think the difference is mainly empathy. I have empathy, in fact, probably a little too much, and INTJ's have less. I cry at sad movies, I cry when I say goodbye to people, I cry when I watch other people cry... it's almost embarassing. My INTJ friends have less sympathy, and empathy. Not always, but I find it a definite difference between the two of us. 

Also, it's possible you have an even F/T split.


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## awordforthat (Apr 28, 2010)

Hm, given all the evidence, I think I'm coming down more often on the INTJ side than on the INFJ side. SarahWilliams, what you said about empathy really helps...I'm definitely not big on either sympathy or empathy, but I think what's been confusing me is that I'm trying to develop that. Like you said, it's partially a socialized thing.

And assbiscuits, yeah, the thing about not rooting for the underdog really rings true. My loyalty to any sort of sports team is notoriously fickle and completely dependent on whether they're winning or not.

Thanks for everyone's input!


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