# Do NFPs and NFJs have difficulty getting along how NTPs and NTJs do?



## alextyrian (May 2, 2011)

Things like this tend to pop up in the NT forum every once in a while, ( http://personalitycafe.com/nts-temp...4852-why-competition-between-intjs-intps.html ) but I've never really observed this between NFJs and NFPs. Does it exist? What does it look like?

One of my friends is an INFJ and she's studying oboe with an INFP, and I'm not sure what to tell my INFJ friend to keep her from being frustrated, and she doesn't really know what she's frustrated with.


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## stayawake (Dec 21, 2011)

I get along really very well with ENFPs, and INFPs too... much better than any SP or SJ types.


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## cue5c (Oct 12, 2011)

I'm sure there are problems, just like anywhere else. The more similar you are to someone else, the easier it is to get frustrated by the slight differences. At least with someone totally different you expect disagreements.


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

I get along very well with all the other NF types. I have, however, seen conflict between INFP's and INFJ's though and it looks something like this:

1. The INFJ unknowingly comes off as being pessimistic, unsatisfied, and disappointed.
2. This bothers the INFP, upsets them, and makes them unhappy.
3. The INFP then acts standoffish and upset and the INFJ can't understand why.
4. This bothers the INFJ and gets them upset, which further upsets the INFP...and so on.
5. This becomes a downward spiral of negative emotions.

Theoretically this might also happen between an ISFP and an INFJ, though I've never seen it.


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## HWard (Aug 24, 2011)

Best friend is an INFP, we don't really have many (if any) problems.


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

alextyrian said:


> Things like this tend to pop up in the NT forum every once in a while, ( http://personalitycafe.com/nts-temp...4852-why-competition-between-intjs-intps.html ) but I've never really observed this between NFJs and NFPs. Does it exist? What does it look like?
> 
> One of my friends is an INFJ and she's studying oboe with an INFP, and I'm not sure what to tell my INFJ friend to keep her from being frustrated, and she doesn't really know what she's frustrated with.


Nah dude you gotta get an ISFJ to stir things up.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

No, I tend to get along well with NFJs; we're drawn to each other even. I tend to connect well with other NFs, period.


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## pneumoceptor (Aug 25, 2011)

@alextyrian, would you say that the main clash between INTPs and INTJs is Ti vs Te? If so, I can see an analogous situation between INFPs and INFJs with Fi vs Fe. INFJs want to affect change in themselves and others toward an ideal. We're external judgers. INFPs are less about actively changing things; in particular, they don't (at least directly) try to affect change in others. They're internal judgers. I think the main clashes between INFJs and INFPs stem from the orientation of the judging function. Do you think the same is true for INTPs and INTJs?

A friend of mine (@Eleventeenth) takes it a step further and incorporates both internal and external judging functions. He says that Fe-Ti is a very different beast than Fi-Te. Analogously, Ti-Fe is the opposite of Te-Fi. I have a feeling clashes come from such differences, especially if we expect others to behave as we do and if we interpret others' actions in the same way we would interpret someone's with our own personality type.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

NT = battle of intelligence--who's got the bigger schlong? >

NF = let's all share our feelings and love each other! 



Yeah... that sums it up for the most part. I typically love the company of other NFs, as long as they're not too clingy


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

Ace Face said:


> NT = battle of intelligence--who's got the bigger schlong? >
> 
> NF = let's all share our feelings and love each other!
> 
> ...


How often are these roles reversed? There are plenty of competitive NF's, at least when it comes to competing for attention and admiration or arguing over value-related issues. Has anyone heard of a clingy NT? I'm curious.


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## Where Love Died Laughing (Jan 5, 2012)

Bumblyjack said:


> How often are these roles reversed? There are plenty of competitive NF's, at least when it comes to competing for attention and admiration or arguing over value-related issues. Has anyone heard of a clingy NT? I'm curious.


I know some really clingy INTJs... 


Anyway, my best friend is an ENFJ and we get along really well. Never argue or anything.


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## rbonk (Nov 20, 2011)

alextyrian said:


> Things like this tend to pop up in the NT forum every once in a while, ( http://personalitycafe.com/nts-temp...4852-why-competition-between-intjs-intps.html ) but I've never really observed this between NFJs and NFPs. Does it exist? What does it look like?
> 
> One of my friends is an INFJ and she's studying oboe with an INFP, and I'm not sure what to tell my INFJ friend to keep her from being frustrated, and she doesn't really know what she's frustrated with.


NFs don't compete amongst each other like NTs because competition is the masculine way of establishing status/hierarchy and NF is obviously a feminine modality while NT is very masculine. Women tend to establish status amongst themselves in either (or both) of two ways:
1. "sluttiness" - ability to generate desire from males
2. empathy - who cares the most and tries the hardest to accommodate others etc.

the first one only really exists in modern western society in clubs and other youth dating hotspots.

but the second is ALL OVER this thread.


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## Hastings (Jan 8, 2011)

It would be wrong to state T as male and F as female.


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## Sedna (Aug 28, 2011)

rbonk said:


> Women tend to establish status amongst themselves in either (or both) of two ways:
> 1. "sluttiness" - ability to generate desire from males
> 2. empathy - who cares the most and tries the hardest to accommodate others etc.


Lololololol


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## rbonk (Nov 20, 2011)

cactus_waltz said:


> It would be wrong to state T as male and F as female.


 obviously men and women can be either but T is masculine and F is feminine. that said men do tend to be Ts and women Fs, and even when males are Fs they're often E5 and have a strong T anyway, much like women who are Ts.


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## rbonk (Nov 20, 2011)

Sedna said:


> Lololololol


 so you had nothing to contribute but still wanted to post anyway.


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

I get along great with INFPs, or NFs in general, really. ) Could be because I'm a type 9 though, so I wanna try to get along with everyone, lol.

Anyway, my mom's an INFP too and I share more in common with her than with anyone else in my immediate family. There's a good synergy we have. She gives possibilities, and I remind her which works best and which she should really avoid, lol.


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## Donovan (Nov 3, 2009)

i get along very well with INFPs but we do run into problems (the one i hang out with on a regular basis). 

she's an amazing person but sometimes, i swear to god, she doesn't think about what her actions can bring about. her intense feelings almost blind her and act as a catalyst that affects others, whether they want it to or not. 

aside from what she can inadvertently do, i believe that she gives in too easily or lets others 'brow-beat'/ take advantage of her. i'm always thinking, "no, they can't do that, not only is it bull-shit but it's completely against the law/their own rules of operation--OMFG, why do you let people do this--forget about how this is making you feel, it's only hurting the situation". but of course, i never say these things out loud, or in this way since it won't actually help. 

to contrast this, she probably wouldn't be here adding to what could be seen as negative comments about loved ones when it served no other purpose than to inform. (a 'bad' is 'bad' sort of thing--"*why* are you doing it again?")

Ni+Te v.s. Ti+Ne: why don't you actualize your potential v.s. why don't you explore life intellectually?
Ni+Fe v.s. Fi+Ne: why don't you learn/take care of yourself v.s. why don't you experience life's emotional stores?


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## pneumoceptor (Aug 25, 2011)

celticstained said:


> Ni+Te v.s. Ti+Ne: why don't you actualize your potential v.s. why don't you explore life intellectually?
> Ni+Fe v.s. Fi+Ne: why don't you learn/take care of yourself v.s. why don't you experience life's emotional stores?


That's a great way of putting it.


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

rbonk said:


> obviously men and women can be either but T is masculine and F is feminine. that said men do tend to be Ts and women Fs, and even when males are Fs they're often E5 and have a strong T anyway, much like women who are Ts.



I'm a young INTP. I definitely don't have a strong Fe. In fact, it's horribly underdeveloped. 
Though, that may have to do with how I was socialized (or lack thereof?) and the culture I was raised in.


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

I've heard of NFPs not getting along with NFJs due to an Fi/Fe clash, but I usually have no problem getting along with NTJs. They like that I come up with implementable ideas, and I like that they prefer to get to the meat of what's important without wasting time.


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## Iustinus (Jun 13, 2012)

Bumblyjack said:


> I get along very well with all the other NF types. I have, however, seen conflict between INFP's and INFJ's though and it looks something like this:
> 
> 1. The INFJ unknowingly comes off as being pessimistic, unsatisfied, and disappointed.
> 2. This bothers the INFP, upsets them, and makes them unhappy.
> ...


Hmm, this describes my friendship with an INFJ well. It was a minute hurdle in the grand scheme of things.


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## coolwater (Aug 30, 2010)

This is so damn true. Wow! But it doesn't always have to become a downward spiral if they engage in healthy communication. What makes it go downward is their misunderstanding coupled with fear of confrontation. If they both enquire about what is going on or address the situation in a calm and genuinely concerned way, it usually makes everything better. It is usually better if the INFP starts to address it because that would mean the INFP has already processed his/her feelings and is ready to express them and the INFJ wouldn't be perceived as attacking the INFP's emotions, thereby facilitating a good heart to heart if the INFJ is open to talking at that point.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Dark Romantic said:


> I've heard of NFPs not getting along with NFJs due to an Fi/Fe clash, but I usually have no problem getting along with NTJs. They like that I come up with implementable ideas, and I like that they prefer to get to the meat of what's important without wasting time.


You know the ironic part is this. I have many INFJ male friends and family, although i love them dearly, they grind on my gears Then i have a few INFJ female friends that don't weigh so heavy on my head, even when they are all Fe like. The clash seems heavy with the male NFJ, yet more acceptable with the women. I haven't quite figured it out yet, still pondering....


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> You know the ironic part is this. I have many INFJ male friends and family, although i love them dearly, they grind on my gears Then i have a few INFJ female friends that don't weigh so heavy on my head, even when they are all Fe like. The clash seems heavy with the male NFJ, yet more acceptable with the women. I haven't quite figured it out yet, still pondering....


The funny thing is, I can't say the same for NTJs, except when we're determining the validity of a particular idea. They tend to like things with more external verification, while I like to look at the rules behind the idea, and go from there, not needing as much. It's like I'd rather improve on what's there, they'd rather use the best thing they can find. If they DO find a better way, I'd still want to play with it and make it better.


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## CrystallineSheep (Jul 8, 2012)

I get along with NFJ's however they really know how to hurt your feelings and make you really upset.


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## Iustinus (Jun 13, 2012)

An INTJ oversees my aforementioned friendship with an INFJ. We (INFJ and I) recently had a bit of a spat, so we're not talking to each other for a week. My INTJ is cackling, claiming we "don't know how to address problems well." It's kind of entertaining, actually.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

let me preface with - the following may sound bad, but I don't think badly of INFJs in general, and believe that they are certainly easier to get along with or understand than many other types are for me, or would be if I knew them. I just have a couple of observations that sometimes trouble me. I think I know two INFJs (both of them also happen to be bi-polar and I'm not sure how much that factors into things).

One issue I feel like I have with them is that....well...I feel like they just talk _at_ me but aren't really interested in a topic if I initiate it. Like, whatever they are feeling right now, whatever oppinions they hold about something they like to profess these to me and they seem pleased when I listen and take it in and smile and nod. But when I start to engage the topic with _My Own_ thoughts (rather than just agreeing or reiterating what they just said), or if something they say reminds me of something else so I branch off in that direction, then they go all glassy-eyed and give me vage responces and then launch into their own little spiel again. I just don't feel like we really connect very often in conversations, even though we share a lot of the same interests and oppinions...it just feels one-sided. It feels like I do all the agreeing, but when I say something they're not listening to me so they can't return the same kind of identification with what I'm saying that I give them. They may verbally agree but most of the time the tone sounds sort of distracted, like they're not paying attention and are kind of just patting me on the head like a little child who's just rambled off some cute bit of gibberish. Maybe it's just these two people. Maybe they are listening and I just don't realise it. I don't know, it's frustrating though because I feel like there's so much potential for really close passionate connection....but it just falls flat. 

Also, it seems to me that a lot of times they seem to say things in a way that sounds like they are implying something more which they expect me to be in the know about...only I actually have no clue what it is. It's like there's always this "as we all know" or "and we all know what _that_ means" sort of untertone to their voice. Often they will reference things or people in a way that implies that they believe those things/people to be recognized authorities on whatever-the-subject-may-be and assume that obviously I know this...but usually I don't, or if I know many people view them as such I don't necessarily see it as an important stamp of approval, not something worth being mentioned. Particularly they will reference things/people with a tone that implies this is support that backs up their oppinion, that naturally everyone is aware of their significance, or that in some way I am supposed to be impressed by their association with this thing/person (however distant or slight their connection to it may be). They are constantly bringing my attention to their brushes with 'important' people, even if they are only important in circles that they know I have know knowlege of - for whatever reason these slight connections seem to be very important to them. I can't say I experience this with most other people that I know. Not that other people don't reference authorities or excitedly relate their brushes with celebrities, but...there's just a different feel to the way these two people do it that feels like it carries a deeper significance, and feels like it is more expected that everyone else is equally aware of that significance. Much of the time I end up feeling like I'm sneaking into a secret club when talking with them, where I feel kind of ... out of it and worry that I'd better not let on.


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## violettee (Jun 1, 2012)

Aelthwyn said:


> One issue I feel like I have with them is that....well...*I feel like they just talk at me* but aren't really interested in a topic if I initiate it. Like, whatever they are feeling right now, whatever oppinions they hold about something they like to profess these to me and they seem pleased when I listen and take it in and smile and nod. But when I start to engage the topic with _My Own_ thoughts (rather than just agreeing or reiterating what they just said), or if something they say reminds me of something else so I branch off in that direction, then they go all glassy-eyed and give me vage responces and then launch into their own little spiel again. I just don't feel like we really connect very often in conversations, even though we share a lot of the same interests and oppinions...it just feels one-sided. It feels like I do all the agreeing, but when I say something they're not listening to me so they can't return the same kind of identification with what I'm saying that I give them. They may verbally agree but *most of the time the tone sounds sort of distracted, like they're not paying attention and are kind of just patting me on the head like a little child who's just rambled off some cute bit of gibberish.* Maybe it's just these two people. Maybe they are listening and I just don't realise it. I don't know, it's frustrating though because I feel like there's so much potential for really close passionate connection....but it just falls flat.


This happens to me a lot. On the one hand I like that they can take charge of conversations and lead them but on the other I start to wonder if what I say really has an effect, if I even have a shot at shaking their opinions, or if they will just poke holes in mine in a sort of condescending way. When they do agree to something I've pointed out it often feels like they've only chosen to agree to part of it, to what suits them best...

So the problems I think result from my feeling like I'm being condescended to but at the same time enjoying the take-charge thing they tend to do in conversations......


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## hauntology (Feb 12, 2012)

Do I sense a Fe/Fi battle?

But in all seriosity... Sometimes. They're like the little sister that you love early but knows how to push all of your buttons.
And INTP and INTJ can get along! They just need a watchful ENFP to strike into a tickle fight!


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## Raewyn (Feb 2, 2012)

I'm a little surprised by this topic, only because I tend to get along swimmingly with all of the NFJ's I've met. I appreciate the NFJ perspective very much. I haven't really felt like they were patronizing me, undervaluing what I say, or assuming knowledge. I know the rare times they may come off as pushy in any way, they're just trying to be protective, so I'm not offended or anything.

I've known my INFJ's to be social-awkward-fail-flailing on the inside, trying to present a more assured, confident, and intelligent outside, to be polite and respectful as well to protect themselves (for some reason especially around NT's), and maybe sometimes they can be ever so slightly elitist on certain matters, but I've never known one to talk over someone or constantly name-drop.

Honestly, the above couple posts sounded more like an INTJ to me than an INFJ, although I get along with INTP's and INTJ's, too. We just don't tend to be as close.

I could be totally wrong. I've ever knowingly found three INFJ's and two ENFJ's in my conquest called Life.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

thanks @Raewyn, it's good to hear the positive experiences too  I definitely don't think all INFJs have the faults I mentioned, perhaps they might be prone to that but not all fall into it? It just seemed pretty remarkable to me that the two INFJs, who don't even know eachother, seem to talk to me in uncannilly similar ways, so I wondered if others experienced this. I should add that I don't get the impression that these people actually don't care about me, I think they do...they just seem to have trouble with being receptive in our interactions. 

I haven't had experience with many INTJs, only two unconfirmed ones that I actually know well, which I haven't experienced the same problems with - we have other issues (like ending up in debates after I just passingly commented that I like something).


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

I get along with my INFP closest friends and relate to the sensitivity of other INFPs..I have had clashes/annoyances with certain INFPs too before though, at times when I felt they were focusing on their own values to the point of not giving others a chance when they were only trying to understand.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

celticstained said:


> Ni+Te v.s. Ti+Ne: why don't you actualize your potential v.s. why don't you explore life intellectually?
> Ni+Fe v.s. Fi+Ne: why don't you learn/take care of yourself v.s. why don't you experience life's emotional stores?


Good use of words to explain, thanks


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

Iustinus said:


> Hmm, this describes my friendship with an INFJ well. It was a minute hurdle in the grand scheme of things.


I notice a few (not all/many) INFPs seem to get ''put off'' when I rant about the darker sides of human nature; like for example about how calculating and pretentious and unfair people can be, combined with me using words that show as though they bring my mood to real pessimism. Why is that? Is it because they think I'm not looking at the bigger picture? Or they think it reflects on them when I talk that way?


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Part of me thinks it would be better for the entire typing system to go by P functions. 

Like how the SJ's all use Si and SP's all use Se. I think Ni users (NJ's) have more in common than NTJ's have with NTP's. 

Just a thought anyway. @Stephen was the one who made first postulated this I believe in a forum about 3 months back.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

Aelthwyn said:


> l
> Also, it seems to me that a lot of times they seem to say things in a way that sounds like they are implying something more which they expect me to be in the know about...only I actually have no clue what it is. It's like there's always this "as we all know" or "and we all know what _that_ means" sort of untertone to their voice. Often they will reference things or people in a way that implies that they believe those things/people to be recognized authorities on whatever-the-subject-may-be and assume that obviously I know this...but usually I don't, or if I know many people view them as such I don't necessarily see it as an important stamp of approval, not something worth being mentioned. Particularly they will reference things/people with a tone that implies this is support that backs up their oppinion, that naturally everyone is aware of their significance, or that in some way I am supposed to be impressed by their association with this thing/person (however distant or slight their connection to it may be). They are constantly bringing my attention to their brushes with 'important' people, even if they are only important in circles that they know I have know knowlege of - for whatever reason these slight connections seem to be very important to them. I can't say I experience this with most other people that I know. Not that other people don't reference authorities or excitedly relate their brushes with celebrities, but...there's just a different feel to the way these two people do it that feels like it carries a deeper significance, and feels like it is more expected that everyone else is equally aware of that significance. Much of the time I end up feeling like I'm sneaking into a secret club when talking with them, where I feel kind of ... out of it and worry that I'd better not let on.


Hmm to be honest I don't relate to the referencing authorities and celebrities, but about the tone of it..Do you mean they like to talk as if they are saying,''well you know this is the general thing about human nature, you _should_ know that?'' Like in an authoritative patronizing 'duh' kind of way? I think I subconsciously notice I used to tend to do that, and my intention wasn't to be exclusive, I just...feel the need to 'share', maybe excessively, when coming across things I think are insightful. But I don't relate to the authorities and celebrities bit.


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## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

Raichan said:


> I notice a few (not all/many) INFPs seem to get ''put off'' when I rant about the darker sides of human nature; like for example about how calculating and pretentious and unfair people can be, combined with me using words that show as though they bring my mood to real pessimism. Why is that? Is it because they think I'm not looking at the bigger picture? Or they think it reflects on them when I talk that way?


Actually, qualifying it as a "dark side" may not win you points with Fi-doms, because they're likely not working with the same value system you are, and they're generally put off by behavioral dichotomies or implications that there's a "best" or "proper" way to be. This is something an INFP comrade recently complained about, regarding an INFJ mutual acquaintance. She (the INFP) is well aware that we're all filthy monkeys, but it seemed to her that the INFJ wasn't including herself in that assessment. As if, somehow, she's superior to the rest of humanity by virtue of being aware that our species can do terrible things to itself/the environment/the outer galaxy/what have you.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

Action Potential said:


> Actually, qualifying it as a "dark side" may not win you points with Fi-doms, because they're likely not working with the same value system you are, and they're generally put off by behavioral dichotomies or implications that there's a "best" or "proper" way to be. This is something an INFP comrade recently complained about, regarding an INFJ mutual acquaintance. She (the INFP) is well aware that we're all filthy monkeys, but it seemed to her that the INFJ wasn't including herself in that assessment. As if, somehow, she's superior to the rest of humanity by virtue of being aware that our species can do terrible things to itself/the environment/the outer galaxy/what have you.


Ahh I see...I've heard about the complain as though INFJs are being 'holier than thou.' But then my intention was neither to be that way nor to try to think that way. It does not mean I see myself as a saint of any kind, I also see that this awareness can lead to some dark thoughts inside me and it potentially brings me down, in my eyes. I had thought that communicating about some the 'evils' of humanity was a way of warning others (Fe) as well as talking about injustice. I don't really know how else to communicate it?


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## His Name Is John (Aug 27, 2012)

I get along great with INTPs, and I might be an INTJ.


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## Unforgettable (Aug 3, 2012)

Navi said:


> I'm a young INTP. I definitely don't have a strong Fe. In fact, it's horribly underdeveloped.
> Though, that may have to do with how I was socialized (or lack thereof?) and the culture I was raised in.


I can relate to much of what you said. I Think that one of the most common things between INTxs is that poorly developed Fe (for me that Fe almost didn't exist)

i don't really like in this thread that they kinda aim to say that our discussions (i mean those between INTPs and INTJs ) are like some sort of "battles" while in fact we have A LOT in common.

I will TELL something that probably most NFs here don't know , a lot of INTJs score as INTPs in socionics ( and if you don't believe me you can go to our INTJ forum and find a poll about that you will make sure that most INTJs score as INTPs in socionics)


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

Unforgettable said:


> I can relate to much of what you said. I Think that one of the most common things between INTxs is that poorly developed Fe (for me that Fe almost didn't exist)
> 
> i don't really like in this thread that they kinda aim to say that our discussions (i mean those between INTPs and INTJs ) are like some sort of "battles" while in fact we have A LOT in common.
> 
> I will TELL something that probably most NFs here don't know , a lot of INTJs score as INTPs in socionics ( and if you don't believe me you can go to our INTJ forum and find a poll about that you will make sure that most INTJs score as INTPs in socionics)


Yeah, exactly.


As for socionics...
INTJs in MBTI are usually INTps. 
And INTPs in MBTI are usually INTjs.


I'm an INTP/INTj
In both, I am a Ti dom.
Thinking is a judging function, hence the j. The P/J difference in socionics is based upon your dominant function, unlike MBTI; which is based on your first extraverted function. The one that the world sees and whatnot. 
In MBTI, I'm a perceiver due to my first extraverted function, Ne, being a perceiving function. While in socionics, I'm an INTj/LII (Ti-Ne). 


Now, for INTJs, you guys are Ni doms. But the world sees your extraverted function first, which is Te. 
Again, thinking is a judging function hence why you guys are J's in MBTI. But since you are actually Ni doms (intuition being a perceiving function), that would make you a perceiver in socionics. Hence the INTp (Ni-Te).


While it doesn't always directly translate supposedly, generally it is true.


But in the general sense, you are dead on. Introverted NT's have a lot more in common than we think we do, even though we don't have the same Jungian cognitive functions. 




> i don't really like in this thread that they kinda aim to say that our discussions (i mean those between INTPs and INTJs ) are like some sort of "battles" while in fact we have A LOT in common.


Also, exactly this. ^ I get along so well with INTJs. I have no idea about these supposed intellect-based territorial pissing contests. :laughing:


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## Dyidia (May 28, 2010)

Aelthwyn said:


> One issue I feel like I have with them is that....well...I feel like they just talk _at_ me but aren't really interested in a topic if I initiate it. Like, whatever they are feeling right now, whatever oppinions they hold about something they like to profess these to me and they seem pleased when I listen and take it in and smile and nod. But when I start to engage the topic with _My Own_ thoughts (rather than just agreeing or reiterating what they just said), or if something they say reminds me of something else so I branch off in that direction, then they go all glassy-eyed and give me vage responces and then launch into their own little spiel again. I just don't feel like we really connect very often in conversations, even though we share a lot of the same interests and oppinions...it just feels one-sided.


It's certainly possible, though I tend to think INFJs and INFPs tend to just have a lot of little misunderstandings between each other. If someone shares something that's personally relevant to them, I'll certainly take note of it (and to heart if it helps me to understand who they are), but if I can't relate there's really not much I have to say, especially if it's just pure speculation on a topic. I think the biggest problem I have with sensitive people in general, not just INFPs, is that I don't always feel comfortable openly voicing my disagreement with them.

I'd say that's where the glassy-eyes are coming from, but honestly? This person (or people?) you're talking about here sound like they're just not that mature in their ability to really listen to others' opinions, considering you two generally agree.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

I like people and I try and do my best to get along with them, but I would say it's more likely I click with NF's.
Though I do enjoy Thinkers, not to purposely stereotype thinkers, but my friends who seem to be Thinkers say things that are too bold for me and slightly mean for me to say but are so damn funny.
I can laugh at things that I don't have the balls to say for fear of hurting someone.
But I enjoy my experiences on this site thus far with all NF's, I dont really type people in real life.

I've been pleasantly surprised by some INFJ's who are kind of bubbly on here, theres one INFJ whom I love for her mind, it's good to click with someone mentally


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## Cross (Sep 9, 2012)

alextyrian said:


> Things like this tend to pop up in the NT forum every once in a while, ( http://personalitycafe.com/nts-temp...4852-why-competition-between-intjs-intps.html ) but I've never really observed this between NFJs and NFPs. Does it exist? What does it look like?
> 
> One of my friends is an INFJ and she's studying oboe with an INFP, and I'm not sure what to tell my INFJ friend to keep her from being frustrated, and she doesn't really know what she's frustrated with.


I like talking to NFP's; I don't really find it a problem. If it's an INFJ behavior... I read somewhere that INFJ's when stressed would rather withdraw silently leaving others confused and frustrated. 

I act like that a lot and I don't like to talk about my problems, except when I'm with other people who I'm sure could relate well with me and would empathize with me instead of try to change or derail my train of thought > I'd much rather do that on my own if need be. When other people realize there's something wrong with me, they ask, which I hate. Sometimes I'd just leave. 

It's not that I do not trust people (everyone)... I have too many bad experiences where someone would just listen to my problem and tell me I'm wrong or I'm weird or dysfunctional, and there is no desire to connect; only the desire to impose ideas of who I should be and should not be. It's these experiences that make me want to be alone and figure out everything on my own.


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## Iustinus (Jun 13, 2012)

Raichan said:


> I notice a few (not all/many) INFPs seem to get ''put off'' when I rant about the darker sides of human nature; like for example about how calculating and pretentious and unfair people can be, combined with me using words that show as though they bring my mood to real pessimism. Why is that? Is it because they think I'm not looking at the bigger picture? Or they think it reflects on them when I talk that way?


Interesting. As an INFP, I tend to "reflect" whatever comes my way; put in pessimism, receive pessimism. My INFJ friend actually once criticized me for being too burdensome, but, ironically enough, I really just regurgitated his words. 

An INFP tends to be somewhat delicate, and she may feel responsible to "fix" your "misery." It's not that you're closed-minded; she wants you to know there are people in this world who love you.

Oh, and to answer your second question: whenever you say how horrible X person, Y person, and Z person is, your INFP thinks he's next. So conclude each rant with something like: thanks for listening; you're a good friend. Or something of that sort. It'll make your INFP's day.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

In Socionics xNTPs (Ti,Ne,Si,Fe) and xNTJs (Ni,Te,Fi,Se) belong in opposite *quadra*. They do not have any functions in common so misunderstandings are going to happen. It doesn't have to come to full conflict if both people realize that they see the world from very different perspectives.


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## CrystallineSheep (Jul 8, 2012)

I generally LOVE Thinker types especially since we can agree with most things and have deep conversations. I just hate it when I am left to feel 'stupid'. That I don't sound logical enough to be taken seriously. Which some thinking types like the INTJ might make an INFP feel. I think thinking types become impersonal when they discuss things and Feeling types take it personally. Which is a problem with an INFJ too actually. It is irrational and I am working on it but if you were to criticize my ideas, I feel like you are criticizing me as a person. So for an INFP, that is like tearing their whole world into shreds and spitting on it so that is why they may see you as 'cruel' or 'mean'. 

So to avoid problems say " I understand your view however..." Its not that an INFP doesn't want to hear your point of view. I, in fact, love to hear people's point of views but you have to be gentle about it. Not give out a so " You're so wrong!" vibe. Other than that.........we all should get along pretty well.


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## Vanishing Point (Oct 2, 2012)

rbonk said:


> NFs don't compete amongst each other like NTs because competition is the masculine way of establishing status/hierarchy and NF is obviously a feminine modality while NT is very masculine. Women tend to establish status amongst themselves in either (or both) of two ways:
> 1. "sluttiness" - ability to generate desire from males
> 2. empathy - who cares the most and tries the hardest to accommodate others etc.
> 
> ...


XD Lol!!!!!! We must have a "Which NF is The Sluttiest (i.e The best)???" There could be a poll: the supremacy of one of the NFs could be settled finally and irrevocably via this method. 
Will it be those cute pixie vixens, the INFPs? Or will it be The crazy ENFP wildcats (miaow pussycat!!!) or will you find yourself bowing to those mistresses of The NF realm, the ENFJs (you know you want to...) or will you be lured by the mystical sirencalls and mesmerizing magnetism of The INFJs.... 



.....how have we NOT had Feuds on who is the sluttiest NF??? Man, what is that about? Totally weird... You just opened a can of worms. There'll be so much feuding from now on...


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## Aizar (Mar 21, 2011)

The informing/directing communication style with INFPs is what makes trouble for me, if anything does. Sometimes they think I'm being bossy and forceful when I'm not, and sometimes I think they're being manipulative and passive-aggressive when they're not.

Enter in the two types being somewhat conflict avoidant, you've got a mess.

If one of the two is terrible at communicating maturely along with being avoidant, you've REALLY got a mess.

I'd guess the same thing could occur between ENFJ and ENFP. I've personally never met an ENFJ or ENFP I've disliked (but then, I've only known ENFJ/ENFPs as casual acquaintances, if I've known them at all).

As for how NFs compete, I've seen it mostly come out as "who can be the better Big Momma?" It's ironic to me how much strife and hatred can come out of trying to be more harmonious and loving.  Humans... :tongue:


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## Zeitgeist (Feb 7, 2012)

ENFJs and I have our spats but INFJs, never. Not sure why that is. In truth, there isnt a ton of difference between the two.


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## LadyoftheHouse (Sep 28, 2012)

Nope, I'm an ENFP but can act like an ENFJ when I'm in social situations. I get along with myself just fine! :wink: 

Actually, one of my friends is an ENFJ and we both get along fine. I've found that I actually plan and do things earlier than he does which surprised me. We both like people and we tend to go through 30 different subjects within an hour of talking. One of us will start a sentence and then that person will rabbit trail, then go into a tangent, then go into a rant about nothing that we were originally talking about yet the other person never seems to have a problem following along. I'm not saying there's never moments where we disagree but we tend to do well together.


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## MyNameIsTooLon (Apr 28, 2012)

NT's like to compete about who's the smartest. What do NF's have to compete about?


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## Eddy Kat (Sep 10, 2012)

Im an INFP and brother is an INFJ. We can clash in some opinions but overall we get along. Many people love that we get along really well lol


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## dayless (May 28, 2012)

Zeitgeist said:


> ENFJs and I have our spats but INFJs, never. Not sure why that is. In truth, there isnt a ton of difference between the two.


you'd be surprised.


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## dayless (May 28, 2012)

i was bffs with an enfp and she was extremely clingy. i even tried to get her to understand that 'hey, so i can't really enjoy anyone's presence unless i at least have some time to myself every now and then so would you mind giving me some space thx' but after only a single day it was like she decided it probably wasn't something that was important for me (because she couldn't bear being "alone") and was back to pestering me to hang out. i feel sorry for her because i was the only person that she really enjoyed being around but it's hard to truly sympathize when your bubble is being constantly invaded. 
otherwise, me and this infp girl i know from my university are getting along really well, probably because we can respect each others' space. lol must be an introversion thing...


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## cue5c (Oct 12, 2011)

dayless said:


> i was bffs with an enfp and she was extremely clingy. i even tried to get her to understand that 'hey, so i can't really enjoy anyone's presence unless i at least have some time to myself every now and then so would you mind giving me some space thx' but after only a single day it was like she decided it probably wasn't something that was important for me (because she couldn't bear being "alone") and was back to pestering me to hang out. i feel sorry for her because i was the only person that she really enjoyed being around but it's hard to truly sympathize when your bubble is being constantly invaded.
> otherwise, me and this infp girl i know from my university are getting along really well, probably because we can respect each others' space. lol must be an introversion thing...


You'll probably appreciate an ENFP more when you're out of school. My best friend is an INFJ, but because of work I only end up seeing her once or twice a week. Of course, I have a couple other really close friends (INFJ, INTJ and my INTP roommate) so when we're actually out extraverting with others, it helps. Still, she's my best friend and out of everyone I'd want to spend time with it's her.


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## WardRhiannon (Feb 1, 2012)

I get along just fine with the NFJs I know, but then there are only a couple that I know or suspect are NFJs.


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## leafling (Dec 15, 2011)

I've been friends with an ENFJ for years. We get along despite our differences. The only problem is that her Fe sometimes grates me.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

I tend to get on just peachily with fellow NFs. In my friends circle I have a fair few ENFJ friends and acquaintances. I also get on famously with INFJ women, but INFJ men tend not to get on so well with me. Not sure why. Stereotypically, NFs are supposedly extremely averse to conflict, so that NFP-NFJ doesn't tend to huge competition or rivalry would (stereotypically) make sense.


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