# How long is it normal to go without sex?



## docmcelroy (Feb 8, 2009)

How long have you gone without having sex? Be honest! 

And do you think it's normal or OK not to have sex at all? It seems like everyone is having it all the time but that could just be my imagination. I have'nt had a partner in a long time and have'nt felt the need to. 

I am just asking on this forum because the posters here are very honest and outspoken and offer beautiful (or at least entertaining) answers.


----------



## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I cant even remember the last time I chose to have sex. Assuming you are referring to consensual sex, I would say it has probably been at least six years. I don't really miss sex that much, even though I think about it a lot. I'd actually rather be naked and snuggly without having to worry about all of the risks.


----------



## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Depends on your point of view.

Nature-wise?

Have sex everyday, make babies.

Intellect wise?

....why?


----------



## Verdant Hollow (Aug 25, 2009)

Wait... ummm... yesterday was Friday right? Oh yeah, Saturday, right...

That would make it 1, 2, 3...

Yeah, 24 years since I was last in a womb :tongue:


----------



## fagballsmcready (Sep 20, 2009)

its been 2 years for me but im a godamn loner. it thinks its not normal to avoid sex all together, not natural. but thats just me.


----------



## decided (May 17, 2009)

I don't think there is a objective 'normal frequency of sex' that people should measure themselves against. Everybody's sexuality is different.

But normal for me is 2-3 times a week, presuming you're defining sex as intercourse.
Having said that, if I'm really busy, stressed or tired it is less frequent. And when I'm PMS'ing, it is much more frequent.


----------



## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

I've never had sex, and I'm 23. I'm just not bothered about it at the moment. If you include masturbation as sex, then that happens almost every day.

Personally, I don't think there is a time limit on how long it is normal to go without sex. If you don't want sex, you don't want sex.


----------



## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

I don't really crave for sex, I like it to feel connected to the person, I don't really do it for pleasure... if that seems odd at all.
I much prefer kissing, and hugging.


----------



## jochris (Jul 18, 2009)

A year? I don't really have sex out of a relationship.
Frequency during a relationship depends on how often I see him. It happens maybe 2 out of 3 times I see him?

I don't think it's abnormal to be asexual (to not desire sex at all), but I do believe it's unusual.


----------



## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Personally 1 month or so, but tbh I can go as long as I please.


----------



## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

I have gone almost 18 years without sex. Doesn't bother me at all 
I don't think there is a "normal" amount of time to go without sex, it varies from person to person. My definition of normal with be different to somebody else. As long as somebody is happy then it doesn't matter


----------



## totefee (Aug 6, 2009)

Honestly, there isn't a "normal" way to have sex. One couple could be happy having it once a week and another everyday. Some people have that need more than others. Some people can go years without it, so nothing is 'normal.' Some people don't' have sex at all. Others lose their Virginity at 16, while others 22.


----------



## So Long So Long (Jun 6, 2009)

I've gone almost sixteen years and counting, so I'd say you're doing pretty good if it's only been two years.


----------



## Mikbert (Jul 19, 2009)

one and a half years since last time...


To be honest, I kinda miss it :sad:


----------



## Legionnaire (Sep 15, 2009)

Wouldn't know, never had. I'd like to know what its like with a woman but it'll probably never happen, usually anyone that would ever find interest in me is already taken. If I could just do it once, I would be satisfied for the rest of my life, sure I'd have cravings, but to know that its one of my achievements obtained, I'd be fine.


----------



## Robatix (Mar 26, 2009)

*looks at his watch*

Just set a new personal record! Haha yeah no seriously, what is sex?


----------



## thewindlistens (Mar 12, 2009)

It's natural to go without sex as long as it feels comfortable. This is such a personal thing, input from others can't really help much. 

Just create your own normal.


----------



## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

thewindlistens said:


> It's natural to go without sex as long as it feels comfortable. This is such a personal thing, input from others can't really help much.
> 
> Just create your own normal.


Agreed. 100%

I keep getting told: "Laura, you need to get laid!! Before it's too late!"
Er...no.
I'll "get laid" when I want to. Even if that's when I'm 85 years old :tongue:
I don't just want to have sex so I can say: "Look, I've done it. I fit in now." Because I'll never fit in, regardless of whether I'm sexually active or not.

Everyone says this, but it is important for it to feel right. Regret is a horrible feeling.


----------



## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Hmmm.

My last actual (and first, for that record) time was like.....

Well I'm in my Junior year now, and it happened second semester of my freshman year of college (18 yrs).

I doubt I'll ever have sex again, to be honest. Ha. Maybe if I was wasted.

FOR THE RECORD FOR THIS POST I'M SPEAKING STRICTLY PENIS TO VAGINA.


----------



## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*NP Imagination*



inebriato said:


> I don't really crave for sex, I like it to feel connected to the person, I don't really do it for pleasure... if that seems odd at all.
> I much prefer kissing, and hugging.




About the same for me. If it was not for my imagination. Keeps the Cats ISFP away.


----------



## LadyAutumn (Sep 22, 2009)

This string is depressing. Been almost two years for me, but that's completely due to my husband's health issues...which SUX. I could have sex (aka "make love" with someone I'm completely and totally committed to) *almost* every day. It heals, bonds, and strengthens when in the right context. Absence of it puts the other person on the same level as everyone else in my life...parents and offspring being the exceptions.


----------



## Unsung (Sep 21, 2009)

havnt had it since my girlfriend 8 months ago ;oooooooooo 

time to get back out there yeaghhhhhhhhh but sex is best when with someone u love. sex = making love. 

but havnt found love ;o must come soon


----------



## addle1618 (Oct 31, 2008)

I keep telling myself once a week so it turns out that way  jk. I am a virgin and don't care lol


----------



## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Not very long....


----------



## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Oh sorry. Without actual intercourse...it's whatever. But love making? That should be like eating.


----------



## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

I'm nearly 25, haven't had sex at all. Not because I don't want it or I don't have anyone to have sex with, but it's because I hold it for after marriage. I'm a traditionalist.


----------



## jochris (Jul 18, 2009)

I think it heavily depends on whether I have cause to crave it. For example, if I have a boyfriend I'd want it quite often. If I don't, I wouldn't usually need it.


----------



## brainbodybass (Sep 29, 2009)

i hate that the thread says how long is normal, yet asks how long have you gone without?

as far as normal...differs by the person in terms of their beliefs, desires, preferences, lifestyle and situations, health and countless other things...

i've gone almost five months without...once upon a time. after a long relationship and stuck in a mostly conservative school that ironically and unfortunately lacked desirable people (even the few that weren't so uptight)...but that's far too long.

now, i say...ahm...often. no longer than 2 days is ideal :laughing: although not always realistic with the demands of life...but when open-ended..as much as possible and enjoyable, i'd say. (differs for those in relationships vs. single, etc.)


----------



## DevilDoll (Jul 31, 2009)

The answer to this question will be different for each person. The longest I have gone since I started having sex was two months and I get really frustrated at that point. Let's just say I am a very physical being and prefer not to go without.


----------



## Reality Soldier (Oct 3, 2009)

I'm still a virgin, so I've gone 18 years without sex.



inebriato said:


> I don't really crave for sex, I like it to feel connected to the person, I don't really do it for pleasure... if that seems odd at all.
> I much prefer kissing, and hugging.


I agree with this a lot. It's weird because I'm a guy and stereotypically sex is something that's supposedly at the top of my priority list, but it's really not. It feels kinda weird saying this, but I actually tend to daydream more about hugging, kissing, and cuddling with girls I'm attracted to than having sex with them.


----------



## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Reality Soldier said:


> I'm still a virgin, so I've gone 18 years without sex.
> 
> I agree with this a lot. It's weird because I'm a guy and stereotypically sex is something that's supposedly at the top of my priority list, but it's really not. It feels kinda weird saying this, but I actually tend to daydream more about hugging, kissing, and cuddling with girls I'm attracted to than having sex with them.


 
WHY CAN'T ALL MEN BE LIKE YOU?!
Mehh :sad:


----------



## Verdant Hollow (Aug 25, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> WHY CAN'T ALL MEN BE LIKE YOU?!
> Mehh :sad:


You obviously haven't met a lot of men. Most of my friends are the same way. Even when I'm in the mood I don't really imagine sexing up the women on the street, usually the hugging/kissing/caressing thing. Guys who prefer daydreaming about that stuff don't make a statement in the world and in the media, so it goes unnoticed. However, it's quite prevalent.

Second of all, if ALL guys were like that, then we would have an entirely different problem on our hands :laughing:


----------



## Reality Soldier (Oct 3, 2009)

tdmg said:


> You obviously haven't met a lot of men. Most of my friends are the same way. Even when I'm in the mood I don't really imagine sexing up the women on the street, usually the hugging/kissing/caressing thing. Guys who prefer daydreaming about that stuff don't make a statement in the world and in the media, so it goes unnoticed. However, it's quite prevalent.
> 
> Second of all, if ALL guys were like that, then we would have an entirely different problem on our hands :laughing:


Yeah, I know that there's actually a lot of guys that also prefer doing things more romantic than sex. The thing is, though, most of them tend to be a little secretive about those feelings since they're afraid of looking effeminate or otherwise negatively judged. The way I was raised, though, led me to entirely ignore gender roles. In fact, I never even knew what they were till I became a teenager, simply because my parents (my Dad especially) thought gender roles were sexist in nature (unless all the gender roles somehow apply to someone's interests, in which case I wouldn't hold anyone back for doing something they liked unless it hurt anyone). That said, some of my interests are feminine and some are masculine and I don't do things or avoid things based on whether people think it's manly or not.

Like I said, though, a lot of the guys that love hugging, cuddling, kissing, and the like, seem to usually be shy, thus they're usually difficult for girls to find since they're nervous about introducing themselves. On the other hand, your typical guy that constantly thinks about sex is usually less shy. After all, he's _expected_ to think that way. Since people expect him to be obsessed with sex, he has no shame in acting that way, thus he has no reason feel shy about admitting he likes it. At least, that's the conclusion I've reached, I could be wrong.


----------



## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

tdmg said:


> You obviously haven't met a lot of men. Most of my friends are the same way. Even when I'm in the mood I don't really imagine sexing up the women on the street, usually the hugging/kissing/caressing thing. Guys who prefer daydreaming about that stuff don't make a statement in the world and in the media, so it goes unnoticed. However, it's quite prevalent.
> 
> Second of all, if ALL guys were like that, then we would have an entirely different problem on our hands :laughing:


No, I've met a lot of men. It's just that where I live...well I live in a bad area where most of the population have no brain so most of the males just think about poking stuff. Anybody I have dated has made sex a big issue and have made me feel like a prude and that it's impossible for me to please someone. But I am young and they are young...I understand that not all guys are like that but I have never heard a guy say what Reality Soldier said so I was taken aback.


----------



## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

tdmg said:


> Second of all, if ALL guys were like that, then we would have an entirely different problem on our hands :laughing:


this planet's overpopulated as it is, may as well have more guys into kissing and hugging


----------



## vt1099ace (Jun 8, 2009)

docmcelroy said:


> How long have you gone without having sex? Be honest!
> 
> And do you think it's normal or OK not to have sex at all? It seems like everyone is having it all the time but that could just be my imagination. I have'nt had a partner in a long time and have'nt felt the need to.
> 
> I am just asking on this forum because the posters here are very honest and outspoken and offer beautiful (or at least entertaining) answers.


Does dating rosey palmer count?
if not, then longer than I care to think about, but not so long ago that I can't remember what it's like.
:frustrating:


----------



## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

docmcelroy said:


> How long have you gone without having sex? Be honest!


I didn't have sex for 19+ years... until I lost my virginity when I was 19 years old. (ha ha)

But in the middle of my adulthood? 

I went for a period of about 18 months when my marriage fell apart and we were separating. I didn't really miss it then, due to all the emotional turmoil at the time. 

Nowadays, with my life stabilized again finally, I go a little stir crazy if it's been a few days and I haven't had it.



> And do you think it's normal or OK not to have sex at all? It seems like everyone is having it all the time but that could just be my imagination. I have'nt had a partner in a long time and have'nt felt the need to.


There are a few people who just aren't really interested in sex. It could be personality-driven, it could be experience-driven, it could be hormonally driven. (When my hormones were out of whack, I could go without sex for months and not care at all; once I got things a bit balanced, suddenly the desire came back.) In any case, no, there's nothing "wrong" with it IMO... and you can spend your time focused on other things!



Reality Soldier said:


> I agree with this a lot. It's weird because I'm a guy and stereotypically sex is something that's supposedly at the top of my priority list, but it's really not. It feels kinda weird saying this, but I actually tend to daydream more about hugging, kissing, and cuddling with girls I'm attracted to than having sex with them.



oooooh, I like you!

Honestly, kissing is pretty much as good as sex for me... if it's with the right person. I almost black out.


----------



## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

16 years. I'm a 16-year-old virgin.

You can live without it. Well you can't live without it creating you but you can live without having sex, it's not that hard xD.

I think if somebody can't control their feelings they're a pussy. That includes their feelings of wanting to have sex. I think the world is over sexualized and people make too much of a big deal. People think if they're not having sex like everyone else is they're missing out on something.The same goes for drinking, drugs and other things you really don't need to do to "live". There's more to life than sex believe it or not.

I don't mind if I only have sex with one person in for my whole life, I don't do things like that to improve my ego or boost it in any way.

I have a Quagmire libido, but I don't go around humping everything. It's just like me being so sensitive, I don't cry about everything either.

But seriously, you can live without having it frequently and many people have. The world doesn't need anymore babies, let the married couples who want babies do that, if you do it for pleasure, don't cheat on someone and casual sex is really weird, imo. I can't even kiss someone I don't know, I can't even kiss someone I don't like. But whatever floats your boat, just stay safe and don't hurt anyone because it's possible to fall in love from having sex, even with a randomer I've heard.


----------



## PersonaNonGrata (Sep 13, 2009)

wow....i have to say i am surprised about the lack of libido around the world, i couldn't imagine not having sex, not pursuing sex, not enjoying sex. it is an experience that can differ from boring, depressing failure to the most amazing moment in life. call me nihilistic but i think your desires are what makes you stand up everyday and their satisfaction is what lets you rest. i am thinker, i love to read, i love to discuss but afterall this is luxury compared to sheer necessity of satisfying your needs, like eating (and i love good food) and sex (i love good sex, noct comparable to masturbation). sex can be expression of love, it can give your life meaning by creating somebody you can love utterly, but for me sex is primary an adventure, a desire. sex is not only about orgasms, but it is about new experiences, pure sensuality and by the way, it is a form of art. 
i can totally understand when people don't have the libido to run around and climb every human being around and for those people there are totally different standards of how long a sex break is "normal" but to me sex is a necessity and when i have to wait 3 month (which happened once due to the lack of possibility) i get a bit annoyed. however, my mentality is not pure hedonism, i have thought about the meaning of life a lot, read most philosophers but finally, the point in life is enjoying it. 
what i can NOT understand are hermits, people who forbid themselves their desires and i can hardly talk to them about the subject. yes, i might be amoral, i take drugs, i have sex with strangers, bla bla bla but i am happy and enlightened enough to see other, "higher" things in life too (and enjoying them).
(especially when you didn't have sex)

in my experience, INTs are often late bloomers with less sexual appetites. last week i had sex with a 19 year old virgin(INTJ) . she never had a great desire for sex but she was curious and we got along great, so we just did it, without much romantics but it went great after some anatomical trouble and she really got into it, on a rational level. sex does not have to be very emotional, especially when you aren't very emotional.


@assbicuits
you should actually try it before you have an opinion. i don't say you should hook up with a stranger, the same way i wouldn't tell someone with an opinion about rape victimis to get raped, but rather to keep it down until you have a valid oppinion. to people who have made bad experiences with sex i say try it again if you have the libido or just leave it alone if you haven't, but fear never makes things better, it only destroys hope. by the way: yes western society is oversexed, but it's underf*****.
sex is everywhere, naked models, it seems to be the center of the fricken' universe but people aren't more sexually active than in any time of history, i bet, it is just more out in the open. it often reminds me of mena suvari in american beauty. it's al talk afterall and i am annoyed by it too, but just because the hiporcisy turned from " i have sex but deny it " to "i say i have sex but don't, actually". sex becomes to artifical this way. 

sorry if got a bit off topic.... 

i wish you all a wonderful life with or without sex but life is full of opportunities and pleasure (and that comes from a nihilist)


----------

