# Sex and Inferior Se



## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

I think I enjoy sexual fantasies and masturbation much more than sex. That probably says something about me. There's only one sexual experience I'm totally satisfied with, and it was with a one night stand. Thank you, George (not actual name). We have nothing in common and aren't speaking, but you showed me a REAL good time and for that I'm in your debt.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Persephone said:


> I think I enjoy sexual fantasies and masturbation much more than sex. That probably says something about me. There's only one sexual experience I'm totally satisfied with, and it was with a one night stand. Thank you, George (not actual name). We have nothing in common and aren't speaking, but you showed me a REAL good time and for that I'm in your debt.


It just say that you need to be aroused mentally first and foremost, nothing more  You're normal. Come here. Free hugs and shit. Also right brain dominant, not even weird


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

OrangeAppled said:


> Not at all. I was not responding to a perceived slight at any time. Typism was never any matter I brought up either. I have yet to be offended, just annoyed by the bizarre, nonsenical responses that seem to be referring to stuff that doesnt exist here.
> 
> I still like my response. I find it humorouus and stand by its intention to communicate that I am not interested in engaging with that person. It is warranted when someone is giving you opinions don't value and you want to communicate that so they stop engaging you.
> 
> In case it still doesnt come over: I do not want to have a conversation. Stop quoting or mentioning me here.


Quoted for prosperity.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

It's just an opinion of course, but, like most INFJs I know, they cannot take advice. Even to other INFJs because they then get defensive and turn it into offensive. All potentially valid points are not validated and although, as I have said numerous times giving credit where it was indeed due, a very internally intuitive and emotionally consistent person then becomes the worst nightmare of stubbornness, unable to validate anything external, and willing to continue deflecting strong points in debate without consideration or even the minimal acknowledgement that the point exists as a point. So many observers and normally I'd say they might all be wrong, but not in this case. Dodge the point, miss the point, do not grow. 

I know my issues. This thread is not about me and my problems. It IS about the typical issues with the INFJ mental pattern. I can and do factor in my issues and my relationships have lasted sometimes 10+ years in two cases with INFJs. So, they sure hung around a long time dealing with me if I was so unfair or offtrack. Each admitted in moments of superior clarity that I was on the right track and they just didn't want to face it. Later they of course refuted when they were weak again. So, ... yeah, it's just 2nd hand observation. Make of it what you will.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

series0 said:


> It's just an opinion of course, but, like most INFJs I know, they cannot take advice. Even to other INFJs because they then get defensive and turn it into offensive. All potentially valid points are not validated and although, as I have said numerous times giving credit where it was indeed due, a very internally intuitive and emotionally consistent person then becomes the worst nightmare of stubbornness, unable to validate anything external, and willing to continue deflecting strong points in debate without consideration or even the minimal acknowledgement that the point exists as a point. So many observers and normally I'd say they might all be wrong, but not in this case. Dodge the point, miss the point, do not grow.
> 
> I know my issues. This thread is not about me and my problems. It IS about the typical issues with the INFJ mental pattern. I can and do factor in my issues and my relationships have lasted sometimes 10+ years in two cases with INFJs. So, they sure hung around a long time dealing with me if I was so unfair or offtrack. Each admitted in moments of superior clarity that I was on the right track and they just didn't want to face it. Later they of course refuted when they were weak again. So, ... yeah, it's just 2nd hand observation. Make of it what you will.


No it's true - Ive learned over time to swallow my pride and accept advice (especially at work).

OT:
I find I like the period before (the tension and build up) and after (cuddles and relaxing) to the actual act. I actually linked this to having been abused, but may be linked to inferior Se as well - I tend to go off in my head in the act and come back when it's over, or I just go through the motions. Only once, with one person, have I ever felt anything during sex. So, I guess I dont really care about sex in a relationship, although I find I can learn a lot about a person from doing it with them, so use it to get closer to people and feel confused when it doesnt happen i.e. the person is waiting for the right time or theyre too nervous etc.


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## The Lawyer (Sep 28, 2015)

ae1905 said:


> Or does inf Se manifest as frequent or long episodes of withdrawal from physical intimacy? Is inferior Se a risk that anyone thinking about getting into a relationship with an INXJ should consider?


What do you need physical intimacy for?


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

ae1905 said:


> In particular, I'm interested in how this affects INXJ women? Does their inf Se make any difference in bed?* Do they enjoy sex as much and as often? Or does inf Se manifest as frequent or long episodes of withdrawal from physical intimacy? *Is inferior Se a risk that anyone thinking about getting into a relationship with an INXJ should consider?


In my personal experience, yes and yes. I think I experience just as much enjoyment and desire as anybody, but at the same time I'm a sexual camel. If I have to go six months without, that's cool. I got plenty going on in my head, I can distract myself just fine. But if it's available then hey, that's great too. 

That being said, I despise anything inauthentic or contrived. I will not have sex just because it's been a few days and we feel like we _should_. Both parties should be enthusiastically present and willing. We should be positively quivering with anticipation at the prospect. It should be torture not to succumb. If the air between us isn't thick with sexual tension, it isn't time.


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

Sygma said:


> Quoted for prosperity.


I hope you mean "Posterity".

If you *meant* "Prosperity" that means people go around rubbing @OrangeAppled the wrong way just for luck.

(Singularly unfortunate choice of words on my part, given the apparent thread topic. I'm going to stop digging right _now_.)


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

BlackDog said:


> In my personal experience, yes and yes. I think I experience just as much enjoyment and desire as anybody, but at the same time I'm a sexual camel. If I have to go six months without, that's cool. I got plenty going on in my head, I can distract myself just fine. But if it's available then hey, that's great too.
> 
> That being said, I despise anything inauthentic or contrived. I will not have sex just because it's been a few days and we feel like we _should_. Both parties should be enthusiastically present and willing. We should be positively quivering with anticipation at the prospect. It should be torture not to succumb. If the air between us isn't thick with sexual tension, it isn't time.



Interesting take. Partly because you are female; partly because you are an INTJ female.

...have you ever had the experience (reported by women, but not necessarily reported in conjunction with their MBTI type)
that you get started with things, feeling, "eh, whatever" and within a few minutes your diesel engine has kicked in and you 
want to continue for hours?

...second question. You had written "If the air between us isn't thick with sexual tension, it isn't time."

I understand that attitude; it makes the sex meaningful and genuine, etc.; but if there is a mismatch between the libidos of the partners (either fundamentally, or due to, say a woman's hormonal fluctuations during the month)...the guy might feel someone left out or slighted. OTOH, if it is an INTJ *guy*, he might disappear into an important project, and barely even notice if she prances in front of the computer wearing little but a salacious grin, so things can be tough all over, right? :laughing:


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

g_w said:


> Interesting take. Partly because you are female; partly because you are an INTJ female.
> 
> ...have you ever had the experience (reported by women, but not necessarily reported in conjunction with their MBTI type)
> that you get started with things, feeling, "eh, whatever" and within a few minutes your diesel engine has kicked in and you
> ...


There are definitely things that can be done to build tension. It doesn't have to be totally organic and spontaneous. 

I've just found its pretty terrible and mechanical when one or both partners is just going through the motions. Some women (and men) I know are willing to "fake it till they make it", so to speak. But I'm just not. I think if all you're looking for is some kind of release, your hand works just as well. What can't be replicated without another person is the chemistry. I think for me that's what it's all about.


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

series0 said:


> It's just an opinion of course, but, like most INFJs I know, they cannot take advice. Even to other INFJs because they then get defensive and turn it into offensive. All potentially valid points are not validated and although, as I have said numerous times giving credit where it was indeed due, a very internally intuitive and emotionally consistent person then becomes the worst nightmare of stubbornness, unable to validate anything external, and willing to continue deflecting strong points in debate without consideration or even the minimal acknowledgement that the point exists as a point. So many observers and normally I'd say they might all be wrong, but not in this case. Dodge the point, miss the point, do not grow.
> 
> I know my issues. This thread is not about me and my problems. It IS about the typical issues with the INFJ mental pattern. I can and do factor in my issues and my relationships have lasted sometimes 10+ years in two cases with INFJs. So, they sure hung around a long time dealing with me if I was so unfair or offtrack. Each admitted in moments of superior clarity that I was on the right track and they just didn't want to face it. Later they of course refuted when they were weak again. So, ... yeah, it's just 2nd hand observation. Make of it what you will.


Are you referring to me? That I can't take advice? What advice were you giving me? The way you talk about sex I don't trust that you aren't the problem yourself or just as much as one in INFJ encounters. What were your valid points? I didn't see you make any, and so I pointed that out. I don't have to consider what I view to be irrelevant and weak points coming from a source advocating for the animalistic while talking about and breaking down sex in a way that I view as pretentious and the opposite. 

I don't have to trust you as an expert on INFJ any more than I trust myself as an INFJ. If you see that as "defensive and offensive" then perhaps you aren't willing to grow yourself if you're unable to consider the opinions of others. People can give it back to you. Growing as a person isn't sitting there and saying yes sir. That's the mindset of an un-individuated child. If all of these INFJ's are coming from a similar place then maybe there's a reason for that? And maybe it's not just that they're in the wrong? We all have our own individual relationships with our sexuality. I call foul if you're trying to take that from these women under the guise of it being for their own good when it's really for your benefit. (Feeling valued as a sexual partner and sexual...mentor? <Hot? I'm sorry, I see that and I think, like I said, dirty psychotherapist, dirty priest, etc. It's one thing to try to fine tune an individual dynamic and find a unique groove with a person, it's another to lump women into the category of sexually naïve and see yourself as expert and their sexual messiah).

Again, the INFJ "mental pattern" that you laid out wasn't necessarily indicative of INFJ too. Neither is "Fe prudishness" - which didn't come from you - but was rude and typist regardless. And maybe I jumped on that user's motivations wrongly, but nevertheless, the underhanded and derogatory nature of their posts isn't something that I have to sit back and accept either. I was merely responding in turn. The personal nature of the unnecessary invalidation surprised me, and so I tried to find reason for it, but maybe we all get a little touchy when criticized about these very personal things?

It gets tiresome to try to debate "points" with lazy parties more concerned with maintaining their image and authority than actually discussing an issue. It's a lot easier and more satisfying to throw it back and more or less say stfu. 

And I brought up several reasons why these INFJ's may have become dependent on you that has nothing to do with you being right or an animal lover or whatever else you've constructed as truth in your mind.

One of the most important components to sexuality is confidence, and so yea, I think it's messed up that you would try to strip your partners of that. 

Are you the guy who goes up to women in bars and asks "Why aren't you smiling?" or some variation? Rather than just smile yourself and strike up conversation? (Naturally transforming the situation organically?)


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Look, all I need is 5 minutes on my clitoris, hair back, no teeth, cum 3 times before he inserts, then I am OK.

Throw a little cuffs and chocolate in there if ya nasty.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

Veggie said:


> Are you referring to me? That I can't take advice? What advice were you giving me?


Not specifically no (as mentioned). But your working hard to be included. 



Veggie said:


> The way you talk about sex I don't trust that you aren't the problem yourself or just as much as one in INFJ encounters. What were your valid points? I didn't see you make any, and so I pointed that out. I don't have to consider what I view to be irrelevant and weak points coming from a source advocating for the animalistic while talking about and breaking down sex in a way that I view as pretentious and the opposite.


Analysis in a forum is necessarily a breakdown so calling someone out on it is disingenuous and just simply wrong. Suggesting that I or anyone else is that way in sex without evidence (which I had for my points) is rude, wrong, and well, seems very un-INFJ frankly. 



Veggie said:


> I don't have to trust you as an expert on INFJ any more than I trust myself as an INFJ. If you see that as "defensive and offensive" then perhaps you aren't willing to grow yourself if you're unable to consider the opinions of others. People can give it back to you. Growing as a person isn't sitting there and saying yes sir. That's the mindset of an un-individuated child.


I am not asking for trust and this thread is STILL not about me. I consider all opinions, even argumentative and ill conceived ones, and yes, this time I mean you.



Veggie said:


> If all of these INFJ's are coming from a similar place then maybe there's a reason for that? And maybe it's not just that they're in the wrong? We all have our own individual relationships with our sexuality. I call foul if you're trying to take that from these women under the guise of it being for their own good when it's really for your benefit. (Feeling valued as a sexual partner and sexual...mentor? <Hot? I'm sorry, I see that and I think, like I said, dirty psychotherapist, dirty priest, etc. It's one thing to try to fine tune an individual dynamic and find a unique groove with a person, it's another to lump women into the category of sexually naïve and see yourself as expert and their sexual messiah).


Promote your fantasy on your own time. I am so far removed from this I did not even respond to your suggestion the first time you made it. Far too matter of fact in general and genuinely concerned for people to put on airs like that. Just a waste of time, not to mention rude as well.



Veggie said:


> Again, the INFJ "mental pattern" that you laid out wasn't necessarily indicative of INFJ too. Neither is "Fe prudishness" - which didn't come from you - but was rude and typist regardless. And maybe I jumped on that user's motivations wrongly, but nevertheless, the underhanded and derogatory nature of their posts isn't something that I have to sit back and accept either. I was merely responding in turn. The personal nature of the unnecessary invalidation surprised me, and so I tried to find reason for it, but maybe we all get a little touchy when criticized about these very personal things?


 Yes. everyone gets touchy, but, I never named names so my assessment is generic, and therefore not personal. Taking it as personal suggests defensiveness (oddly like my generic assessment might suggest). I stand by what I said and the women in question were self described (and I agree with them mostly) as INFJs. It's just a recounting of experiences I had and nothing more.



Veggie said:


> It gets tiresome to try to debate "points" with lazy parties more concerned with maintaining their image and authority than actually discussing an issue. It's a lot easier and more satisfying to throw it back and more or less say stfu.


Yes, you're right. Your approach is fairly lazy. Follow your own advice.



Veggie said:


> And I brought up several reasons why these INFJ's may have become dependent on you that has nothing to do with you being right or an animal lover or whatever else you've constructed as truth in your mind.


I resist dependency and have left women who pushed for codependency-styled relationships. Another dock against the messiah complex theory. Here again your attacks are personal. Mine were generic recountings. But you are beginning to inspire me. There are rules of decorum on the site though.



Veggie said:


> One of the most important components to sexuality is confidence, and so yea, I think it's messed up that you would try to strip your partners of that.


Quite the reverse as I indicated. I do not tear people down. That is your fantasy again. Stop casting it onto my intentions. You do not even know me. And who is working to destroy confidence here you or me? Who is messed up? 



Veggie said:


> Are you the guy who goes up to women in bars and asks "Why aren't you smiling?" or some variation? Rather than just smile yourself and strike up conversation? (Naturally transforming the situation organically?)


You'd like to believe that. I do not usually approach women in bars. Nor do I cultivate a specific 'game' with women. Each women is a new and different world and if anything I am slow and observant before I make any move at all. Sometimes through the wonder of happenstance I find myself deep in conversation with a woman and things just go so well we both admit we'd like more. That is the scenario for most long term relationships for me.


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

I've said before that sex is like a religious experience to me. Se doms and other types may take it for granted but it is a special occasion for me every time. 

It is impossible to separate sex from emotion. I am at Church. This woman is life itself. All there is. All that exists. I treat her as a greater power giving me life. I worship her.


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

series0 said:


> Not specifically no (as mentioned). But your working hard to be included.


Who were you referring to then?



series0 said:


> It's just an opinion of course, but, like most INFJs I know, *they* cannot take advice.


You're obviously referring to a specific INFJ separate from other INFJ's.



series0 said:


> Analysis in a forum is necessarily a breakdown so calling someone out on it is disingenuous and just simply wrong. Suggesting that I or anyone else is that way in sex without evidence (which I had for my points) is rude, wrong, and well, *seems very un-INFJ frankly*.


Really? I thought it was very INFJ. I thought we got needlessly offensive and defensive about this kind of stuff as a general rule. Does this just seem the better thing to say though at this point to look as if you're coming out on top in the argument? Invalidate me as someone who doesn't know how type myself, and therefore has no clue what I'm talking about?

And actually when it comes to sex with NT's I do have personal evidence of projection and have also noted a lack of "low brow" talent. I guess I just usually keep that sort of stuff to myself because I'm such a prude and not because I generally find discussing it inappropriate. 

But sex with sensors is quite different. Maybe there's a general physical disconnect between intuitive doms at times. 

Also, this forum is about more than analysis. There's obviously a personal and social aspect to it. Wrong and rude are not one and the same. 

And speaking of rude, your first post more or less reads as a PSA advising anyone against having sex with an INFJ, and as grave concern for the "delusional" INFJ (setting anything we say up as false and lacking in self awareness) if they can't get their act together to keep the better lovers like you around. Like wtf is this:



series0 said:


> To INFJs out there, it's super important that you address this issue in your relationships if you have not. Your lovers are not properly valued by you, even if they properly value you.


Like you just spent the entire paragraph talking about how you don't value INFJ's as lovers. You value their mindset, blah blah, but not their sex. But it's super important that we value sex with people who don't value our sex? Huh? Why?

You were the one to say that you believe in giving people second, third, fourth chances. That you believe that there's so much more to romantic love. To me sex is the precursor. Otherwise, we're friends. If the sexual connection isn't there, then moving on. I shouldn't be guilt tripped into creating it when neither one of us is feeling it because YOU want the relationship.

Some people are self conscious about being used for their body, I'm self conscious about being used for my "hauntingly deep inner world" and put on pedestals and what not. Seen as the wifey and therefore the mommy. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older.



series0 said:


> I am not asking for trust and this thread is STILL not about me. I consider all opinions, even argumentative and ill conceived ones, and yes, this time I mean you.


I've been able to counter your points just fine. Maybe not as eloquently, but I was hung over from a four day insomniac binge the other day and then halfway drunk. The meat is there and it stands.



series0 said:


> Yes, you're right. Your approach is fairly lazy. Follow your own advice.


Not really. I've been able to post quote and pin point what isn't true or contradictory about what you've said.



series0 said:


> I resist dependency and have left women who pushed for codependency-styled relationships. Another dock against the messiah complex theory. Here again your attacks are personal. Mine were generic recountings. * But you are beginning to inspire me.* There are rules of decorum on the site though.


Glad to be your muse. My attacks aren't personal though. They're the generic associations I make given what you're saying while admitting that I don't know you specifically. So they're broad.

From what you have said though, it does sound like you push for Sexually codependent relationships, if not otherwise. They need to depend on you to release their sexual inhibitions and if they don't admit to this as truth, then they're weak (<your word).



series0 said:


> Quite the reverse as I indicated. I do not tear people down. That is your fantasy again. Stop casting it onto my intentions. You do not even know me. And who is working to destroy confidence here you or me? Who is messed up?


I'm not trying to destroy your confidence. I'm trying to help too. That's all you were doing right? 

Constantly getting on a woman for her lack of animal prowess would be like my talking about what a huge dick my ex had to a new partner. Needlessly promotes insecurity and hampers confidence.



series0 said:


> You'd like to believe that. I do not usually approach women in bars. Nor do I cultivate a specific 'game' with women. *Each women is a new and different world *and if anything I am slow and observant before I make any move at all.


Except for INFJ's?

Something else I can say about INFJ is that Ni-Fe tends to be incredibly RECEPTIVE, especially in one on one scenarios. So putting any slingshots away, yes, it really is just possible that there is a disconnect that _both_ parties are picking up on. I'm good at matching energy, but I'm not as good at setting the tone. (<Although that's been something I've been very actively working on in many ways over the past couple of years).

My surroundings impact my relationship with Se a lot. For instance - weddings. I hate dancing at weddings. I pick up on the awkwardness and internalize it and usually end up hiding out or wanting to get roaring drunk. But I love dancing in other situations. I remember at a Latin street festival in Central America having people cut in to dance with me every other minute. At one point my friend looked at me totally surprised and yelled wow - you're HOT! I guess it was nice, but there was an irrational part of me that did want to glare a hole through her, like, I know. Just because you've never seen this side to me before doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, or that it was chained in some cellar somewhere. INFJ's tend to be more quietly confident, and therefore a target for a lot of patronization and projection, especially irl. It gets old. You're not an INFJ so you wouldn't know. But yea, that's maybe where some sensitivity comes in.

But yea, in the right atmosphere I think inferior Se can become a grip and even a strength.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

g_w said:


> I hope you mean "Posterity".
> 
> If you *meant* "Prosperity" that means people go around rubbing @OrangeAppled the wrong way just for luck.
> 
> (Singularly unfortunate choice of words on my part, given the apparent thread topic. I'm going to stop digging right _now_.)


For posterity of prosperity !


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## hal0hal0 (Sep 1, 2012)

*Thread Warning*

*Thread Warning*

Hey y'all, cool it with the jabs at each other and towards types (on all sides). Thanks.


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

Veggie said:


> But yea, in the right atmosphere I think inferior Se can become a grip and even a strength.


This is worded super awkwardly, but -

The Inferior Function: Traps, Temptations, & “Grip Experiences”


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## sereneone (Aug 1, 2013)

series0 said:


> I have had ... cough numerous ... cough INFJ girlfriends. One and all they do indeed exhibit a disconnect that is not present with other personality patterns. It manifests in slightly different ways with each of them, but, ... this could get messy.
> 
> So, I have theories about all MBTI types and enneatypes. The merging of both these types together are even more detailed and, I think, accurate.
> 
> ...


I probably would have skipped this thread based on the title alone, but after a quick reading it looks like it got focused onto INFJ, which is one of my favorite types, so I want a go at this.

First, I don't believe there is any double blind study showing a relationship between MBTI type and either libido level or any specific sexual preferences. So the original question as asked I partly disagree with, because it seemed to imply a lower or shunted libido for certain personality types. The original question "Do (INxJ types) enjoy sex as much and as often?" Answer: yes, but expression of that idea is nuanced. I do believe that personality type affects how you express these things. 

Now, to the points made in the post I am quoting, I really wish you had talked a little more dirty to us, because honestly your meaning is getting lost behind way too many words and thoughts. What you are clearly trying to say is that the INFJs you have known have not been into raw animalistic sex, at least not the type you enjoy. But my experience differs. Some of the INFJ girls I have known have had some of the most sexually explicit minds I have ever encountered. The fantasies have been intense and broad and - to use the terminology of the post I am quoting - extremely extremely "low brow". Lots of domination, abusive-boyfriend fantasies, rape fantasies, etc. As low brow as you want to get, their fantasies have been there. Now these are *fantasies* and I am not passing judgements on propriety and I understand that what you like in your head is not necessarily what you like in real life. I am also NOT saying that such fantasies are in any way typical of the INFJ type. So if you are INFJ please don't come back and insist that you do not have those fantasies, because I believe you already. The point here is to counter the post I am quoting with examples showing that the INFJ type is not less low brow than other types. The question is how do you access all of this raw firepower, when it exists in an INFJ?

I see two ways: 1) Luck, or 2) Understanding her framework from below. 

I think many INFJ women want to have the random encounter where there is just phenomenal chemistry, and the man simply clicks and intuitively understands their hot buttons and handles all of those perfectly. I guess that is a romantic vision, but that is really hit and miss. Finding the guy who will do all of those things INFJ wants intuitively is very much random chance. So much for Luck.

The second way to sexually interface to the INFJ woman is to understand all of her mental complexity, how she thinks and feels about her fantasies, and to absorb all of this really extensively first. As an INTJ this is a very natural thing for me, and I think one of the reasons INTJ and INFJ can pair well is because INTJ can understand easily how INFJ thinks and feels, and can wrap tentacles around that and build conversation. Once you have taken the time to prove you understand the framework, scope, and substance of her fantasies then you will be allowed in, and you can be as low brow as her fantasies desire you to be. I do understand that this is a somewhat selfish framework in which INFJ focuses inward on her own complex needs, and the partner needs to extensively adapt to that. I guess as her partner you are either into this or you are not. I am into it, so it has worked for me. But I am INTJ, and these kinds of interactions are second nature to me.

To series0, it sounds like you did not adapt to her fantasy or even necessarily try to understand it. It sounds like you tried the "Luck" method and frontal assault (take that as a metaphor; I am not implying physical assault) and you just did not get lucky. For what it is worth I don't think I would either. The INFJ girls I have soared with would have clubbed me to death with a bat if I had gone too far too fast.  They were all just very particular in their wants and needs, and it was really important to them to have me understand the nuances.

The other comment to series0: you spent 20 YEARS with these women, so I sense that you have deep issues at stake here. This deserves a separate thread, and if you are willing to expose yourself emotionally about what went wrong in those relationships, maybe others will have insights for you about your INFJs as well as about you.


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

sereneone said:


> Some of the INFJ girls I have known have had some of the most sexually explicit minds I have ever encountered. The fantasies have been intense and broad and - to use the terminology of the post I am quoting - extremely extremely "low brow". Lots of domination, abusive-boyfriend fantasies, rape fantasies, etc. As low brow as you want to get, their fantasies have been there. Now these are *fantasies* and I am not passing judgements on propriety and I understand that what you like in your head is not necessarily what you like in real life. I am also NOT saying that such fantasies are in any way typical of the INFJ type. So if you are INFJ please don't come back and insist that you do not have those fantasies, because I believe you already.


No, you're right on...without going into detail.



sereneone said:


> I think many INFJ women want to have the random encounter where there is just phenomenal chemistry, and the man simply clicks and intuitively understands their hot buttons and handles all of those perfectly. I guess that is a romantic vision, but that is really hit and miss. Finding the guy who will do all of those things INFJ wants intuitively is very much random chance.


It's not as hard as you may think, at least not for me as the woman. Different dudes push different buttons. It's the keeping it going that can be difficult. I'd rather the initial encounter and momentum though then trying to create the encounter after momentum...if that makes any sense. I'm very particular about that. I don't like trying to force things in the name of building (unless there is Crazy energy to back them - but then...are you forcing them?)


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

Sex may be one of the *only* things I am able to be fully emotionally present for. That said, the absolute best sex I've ever had is almost always the physical culmination of having already fantasised, done, embraced and relived it, multiple times in my head first in addition to re-enacting again and again in my head for weeks afterward. 

When I actually enjoy a Se experience (rare); I always mange to get way more mental mileage out of it than most people. roud: Probably, the only other activity (obviously _sans_ fantasy et al in my head ) that I am able to stay fully present centered in, would be yoga.

I am also a 5w4 in addition to being an INFJ, if that makes any difference.


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## MirTeiwazAt (Oct 1, 2015)

Female INFJ and I am really sexually active, with the *right* person. However, I can withdraw too if the partner isn't hitting the right "spots" to turn me on and make me have need of sexual desires


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