# Does respect =LOVE to a SJ???



## epicenter (Jan 8, 2014)

What do you think? Is respect a big deal to a SJ? Some types can be disrespected in certain areas of a relationship and still feel loved because they are connecting in a different way. Would you go as far as to say RESPECT=LOVE to you?


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

epicenter said:


> What do you think? Is respect a big deal to a SJ? Some types can be disrespected is certain areas of a relationship and still feel loved because they are connecting in a different way. Would you go as far as to say RESPECT=LOVE to you?


Good question. The answer is no.

Respect =/= Love.

You respect certain people that hold particular roles in your life or in society, but you don't love them like you love a family member, friend, or spouse. A common example of this is on the job - we often have bosses that we respect, but we don't love them (outside of a general "love" for all mankind.)

While all of us desire both love and respect, this usually breaks down along gender lines. When a woman is in a disagreement and feels hurt, she often feels unloved. When a man is in a disagreement and feels hurt, he often feels disrespected. This is where our hurts are centered, but it does not imply that a woman does not need respect or that a man does not need love.

Sometimes, when in the throes of marital discord, a woman will state that she loves her husband, but that she does not respect him, not realizing how badly she is hurting him. When that is reversed and the woman is asked how she would feel if her husband were to tell her, "I respect you, but I don't love you," she recoils in horror that someone would express such a thing. Yet, this is how it feels when she withholds respect.

It might be helpful to read the book, "Love and Respect," by ... I'm not sure ... maybe Emerson and somebody. I forget. I have the book and re-read it, time to time. It is a good foundation for understanding the difference between how males and females tend to view love and respect.

HTH


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## thatdennis (Dec 16, 2013)

niss said:


> Good question. The answer is no.
> 
> Respect =/= Love.
> 
> ...


Agree with niss. Guys in general gain their confidence and joy through respect, either from your loved ones or friends or coworkers or boss, and many more. Respect usually defines us, so we like it. Love though is a wholly different matter. A girl might respect you for perhaps being a diligent worker and a bright person, but might not love you due to maybe differences or disagreement with qualities she is finding in a mate.

Girls though are a bit on the opposite. Tell them you love them, and they will be so happy and sometimes could fall for you. However, tell them that you respect them, and they will only say "thanks" and not take hint on it. 

In this society respect and love are two different things, with love being more on the emotional side, while respect usually is from your achievements.


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## JosephtheSinger (Apr 25, 2014)

No, love=love.
Respect in and of itself=sterile.


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## Almighty Malachi (Jan 4, 2013)

No.

However, I would consider respect to be a vital part of love. It's difficult for me to even imagine a scenario where someone loves another person without respecting them.


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## izebize (Jan 31, 2012)

No. You don't have to love me to respect me. I treat everyone with respect, but that does not mean that I love them.



Almighty Malachi said:


> No.
> 
> However, I would consider respect to be a vital part of love. It's difficult for me to even imagine a scenario where someone loves another person without respecting them.


^also, this.


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## Belladonne (Mar 22, 2014)

Almighty Malachi said:


> No.
> 
> However, I would consider respect to be a vital part of love. It's difficult for me to even imagine a scenario where someone loves another person without respecting them.


This. It's absurd how some religions, for instance, claim that a husband should love his wife, but also make her subservient to him through various pieces of bullshit dogma and disrespect her.


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## JosephtheSinger (Apr 25, 2014)

Subservient=/=disrespect
Subservient=subservient


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## Belladonne (Mar 22, 2014)

JosephtheSinger said:


> Subservient=/=disrespect
> Subservient=subservient


I agree. Forcing someone into a subservient, submissive role is the height of respect.

I get that there might be various "reasons" rolleyes for the way wives are told to obey their husband's every word in certain religions. But _don't_ try and pass it off as respecting them, because that it most certainly ain't.


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## JosephtheSinger (Apr 25, 2014)

Belladonne said:


> I agree. Forcing someone into a subservient, submissive role is the height of respect.
> 
> I get that there might be various "reasons" rolleyes for the way wives are told to obey their husband's every word in certain religions. But _don't_ try and pass it off as respecting them, because that it most certainly ain't.


Lay off, lady. I know I expect women to be submissive, and it's actually the ones who are most submissive that I respect the most. So you basically don't know what you're talking about.


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## Eikudu (May 9, 2014)

JosephtheSinger said:


> Lay off, lady. I know I expect women to be submissive, and it's actually the ones who are most submissive that I respect the most. So you basically don't know what you're talking about.


It seems to me that Belladonne has a valid point.


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## Almighty Malachi (Jan 4, 2013)

Belladonne said:


> I agree. Forcing someone into a subservient, submissive role is the height of respect.
> 
> I get that there might be various "reasons" rolleyes for the way wives are told to obey their husband's every word in certain religions. But _don't_ try and pass it off as respecting them, because that it most certainly ain't.


It depends on what you mean by "subservient". If the dominant/submissive component of of a relationship is accepted and desired by both partners, then I don't see anything inherently disrespectful about it. However, if one in any way forces the other to be controlled, then I agree.



JosephtheSinger said:


> Lay off, lady. I know I expect women to be submissive, and it's actually the ones who are most submissive that I respect the most. So you basically don't know what you're talking about.


I don't understand. If you're so thin-skinned, then why are you intentionally entering into a debate with another person?


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## JosephtheSinger (Apr 25, 2014)

Lol.


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## Eikudu (May 9, 2014)

Almighty Malachi said:


> It depends on what you mean by "subservient". If the dominant/submissive component of of a relationship is accepted and desired by both partners, then I don't see anything inherently disrespectful about it. However, if one in any way forces the other to be controlled, then I agree.


I agree 100%.


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## Almighty Malachi (Jan 4, 2013)

JosephtheSinger said:


> Lol.


That is not a response.

Why do you have such an obvious need to feel superior to others, so much so that you pretend that their thoughts and ideas aren't even worth your time? Insecurity, maybe?

It'd make sense actually, in that it explains why you ludicrously expect 50% of the population to submit to your whims for absolutely no reason.


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

Respect is part of what makes a healthy relationship. There's also Communication, Honesty, and Trust. It's tough for love to exist without them....it's not impossible, but it's not healthy either. 

I think it has more to do with dependability than respect. SJs show love by being dependable. Someone not keeping their word or being unreliable can be disrespectful. In that way, the respect shown to someone by being dependable can be a reflection of love.


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

Without respect there is no love period.


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## Belladonne (Mar 22, 2014)

Eikudu said:


> It seems to me that Belladonne has a valid point.


Which he has completely missed, or more likely wilfully ignored *facepalm*

This is why I don't bother arguing with some religious people past a certain point.



Almighty Malachi said:


> It depends on what you mean by "subservient". If the dominant/submissive component of of a relationship is accepted and desired by both partners, then I don't see anything inherently disrespectful about it. However, if one in any way forces the other to be controlled, then I agree.


Oh, I agree that both parties can definitely consent to it. But some religions actively _mandate_ that the wife obey the husband's every word, give him the final say on everything and submit to him. That forces wives to do so (or else break the religious rules) whether they like it or not, and it's inherently disrespectful because it implies that women must be lesser than men and "follow his lead" when they get married.

To draw an analogy, if a company paid its male workers 50k a year and its female workers 25k a year (for the same role), and also insisted that the women give the men the final say on everything and obey their every word, some of the female workers might be OK with that, but that wouldn't mean the whole system didn't disrespect women .


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## JosephtheSinger (Apr 25, 2014)

Almighty Malachi said:


> Why do you have such an obvious need to feel superior to others, so much so that you pretend that their thoughts and ideas aren't even worth your time? Insecurity, maybe?


I'm definitely not superior to anyone; however, if you seriously believe this BS about the sexes being the same, LOL


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## Eikudu (May 9, 2014)

JosephtheSinger said:


> I'm definitely not superior to anyone; however, if you seriously believe this BS about the sexes being the same, LOL


You've just produced two sentences that contradict each other.

I think what you said earlier applies here: "You basically don't know what you're talking about."


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