# PerC MIRROR (Mentally Ill Refuge to Restore Objective and Resilliance)



## FlightsOfFancy

Anyone would like a thread like this? We'd discuss (as openly as you would feel comfortable) our illnesses, what we are currently struggling with, what we have as goals, and how we intend to bounce back if we stumble due to our illness. Advice will be from other posters in this thread. I'm going to let this sit for a bit and see if anyone is interested.

I'll share first once anyone let's me know if they would like to participate (then post here saying you would) or just likes my post (3 likes and I'll assume we have a good base and will start the sharing). W


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## Bear987

Just to let you know that I took notice of your idea. :wink:


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## Night & Day

Sure, why not?


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## dvnj22

Sounds interesting.


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## FlightsOfFancy

@_Promethea_ @Dear Sigmund can you change FOTP to PerC. Forgot where I was at.


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## Choice

May I join? even if I decide I can't take it later on. I'll try


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## Devrim

I think It'd be a fantastic Idea


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## kitsu

I think the idea is wonderful. Can we set a semantic base for what we define as "illness" ?


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## Spades

I'm in, yo~


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## DeductiveReasoner

I like the idea. It can be hard to find people who understand what you're going through IRL. It can give us a place to talk about things and support each other. I like it!


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## FlightsOfFancy

Ty, guys. I'll start sometime this weekend. I was just seeing if the idea would float at first . Glad to see people interested


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## Choice

@FlightsOfFancy Is this still on?


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## FlightsOfFancy

Choice said:


> @_FlightsOfFancy_ Is this still on?


Yeah, I swear I don't have a co-morbid ADD diagnosis . Where would you guys like to start? Sharing? Talking about therapies in general?


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## Choice

I don't know what I'm supposed to say really, but It'd be interesting if I could stop shutting down as a response to everything on particular days.

*Friend:* I'm going overseas for a week, so I won't be on for a while.
*Me:* interesting conversion is suddenly completely boring and I'm drawing emotional blanks... uh, why? .... dafuq, that wasn't even a proper rejection!

I have a lot of trouble discerning the difference between me getting over something, or my usual fucking-brain-stonewalled-me (which can go on for years). Either case no significant feelings come up.


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## Spades

Do I smell a Dx/Rx questionnaire coming on?

Fuck I love questionnaires. (Will make later)


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## FlightsOfFancy

Choice said:


> I don't know what I'm supposed to say really, but It'd be interesting if I could stop shutting down as a response to everything on particular days.
> 
> *Friend:* I'm going overseas for a week, so I won't be on for a while.
> *Me:* interesting conversion is suddenly completely boring and I'm drawing emotional blanks... uh, why? .... dafuq, that wasn't even a proper rejection!
> 
> I have a lot of trouble discerning the difference between me getting over something, or my usual fucking-brain-stonewalled-me (which can go on for years). Either case no significant feelings come up.


I have these odd reactions as well. It's almost a catatonia. For me, it was the idea that emotions in those situations are not welcome. This may be the case, sometimes. 

For example, if you had went "OMG BRO so gonna miss u" it would have been slightly creepy by American standards. Sometimes awkward fill is not so bad.

If it becomes pervasive to the point of thinking you have a pathology, then I'd talk more about it. Is it to this extent? If not, I would not worry. Everyone has idiosyncracies; I welcome you to discuss it more here, but I don't want you to think it's of pathological origin when it could just be a quirky defense mechanism. 



Spades said:


> Do I smell a Dx/Rx questionnaire coming on?
> 
> Fuck I love questionnaires. (Will make later)


I hazard doing this because, as well-versed as I may be for a non-professional, I ultimately do not have the backing needed to really evaluate them. I am not aware of many here who are, and many professionals (good ones/not the ones that get their degree and run away from ethical practice) would probably shy away from doing such analyses on a website.

It took me about a decade to get a proper diagnosis, and the final one was by a leading psych with active research and a spot in academia, specializing in affective disorders (the two disorders I have are affective). 

For example, I'm not the "Fatal Attraction" type of borderline, so many refused my claims that it was a possibility. However, there's a whole sub-category of borderlines with avoidant personality features that I fit quite well in.

Be safe with these if they do go on here, plz.


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## Spades

FlightsOfFancy said:


> I hazard doing this because, as well-versed as I may be for a non-professional, I ultimately do not have the backing needed to really evaluate them. I am not aware of many here who are, and many professionals (good ones/not the ones that get their degree and run away from ethical practice) would probably shy away from doing such analyses on a website.
> 
> It took me about a decade to get a proper diagnosis, and the final one was by a leading psych with active research and a spot in academia, specializing in affective disorders (the two disorders I have are affective).


Oh, nooooo! No no. I meant for people to put their own diagnoses up! Something like:

1. Current diagnoses
2. Current treatment/medication
3. Suspected but unofficial diagnoses
4. Past diagnoses
5. Past treatment/medication
6+ Etc...


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## Dope Amine

So I have this attention problem sometimes and

EDIT: But yeah I'm in


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## FlightsOfFancy

Spades said:


> Oh, nooooo! No no. I meant for people to put their own diagnoses up! Something like:
> 
> 1. Current diagnoses
> 2. Current treatment/medication
> 3. Suspected but unofficial diagnoses
> 4. Past diagnoses
> 5. Past treatment/medication
> 6+ Etc...


Like as soon as you quoted me, I realized this was probably what you meant, lol. Well I guess, but it depends on how comfortable people are. No one knows what I look like or my name so:

1) Bipolar type II; Avoidant/BPD (apparently it's both according to a recent visit--which isn't uncommon for men/nerds) 
2) Lots of introspection; DBT; Trileptal; Just fucking dealing
3) None that I am aware of. I wouldn't be too surprised if I fell under the Asperger's umbrella if it widens with the same vigor it has over the last few years
4) Cyclothymia
5)Everything aside from electroshock and a lobotomy at this point.
6) What do you think was the cause? Heavy genetic component (same as my grandmother/Uncles) and childhood trauma (as usual!)

Good way to start I think.


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## Halcyon

I *<3* this


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## koalaroo

I'll do the questionnaire later (snow day tomorrow! Squeal!), but I'm happy to announce that I've been off sleep medications for over two weeks. I'm getting better sleep, more restful sleep, and I'm not vacillating between sleeping 12 hours a day or not at all.


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## Choice

half a tablet of lexapro

I feel giddy, disorientated in mind, not very balanced, my leg muscles keep randomly tensing, I just headbutted my mum and rubbed my face on her back afterwards not that this isn't normative behaviour but I didn't see it coming before I did it, and then I took a hand mirror to use it in a bathroom with a fucking huge mirror covering half the wall

so I'm all confused about my impulsive control and my concentration, somehow more than usual

but on the plus side I no longer feel like I'm slowly dying (because I'm smiling more than usual and I'm getting some kinda compulsive twitchy silly faces spell) but seriously

_*WTF is going on???!!!*_
--

edit: I still find myself relatively disconnected from the emotions I'm outwardly expressing, so that's normal.


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## Spades

Choice said:


> half a tablet of lexapro


OMGSH YAY! We're taking the same thing! =P I've been on 5mg for a month now! (For several anxiety disorders, not depression). The worst physical side-effects I've had are chest pain and heartburn I believe. Some days it's so bad, I can't stop burping @_o but goddamn! My impulse to reveal shit about myself is hilarious! I think that's the effect on social anxiety working. I've also felt more empathetic, but I suspect this is just the initial change. For other anxiety, I've noticed only slight difference so if the heartburn improves, I might increase to 10mg (full tablet).

In a rush now, but can give more details later~

Edit: How could I possibly forget greatly diminished sex drive? -____________-


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## knittigan

knittigan said:


> *3. Current Tx/Rx - Effectiveness /5 - Duration (and ongoing)
> 
> Lithium 600 mg daily - 4/5? tentatively very promising - 1 week and ongoing
> 
> Aripiprazole (Abilify) 10mg daily - 1/5, horrible restlessness, no sleep, etc - 3 weeks
> 
> *Quetiapine (Seroquel) 25mg as needed for sleep - 5/5 - 4 weeks and ongoing
> 
> Lamotrigine (Lamictal) 300mg daily – 1/5 – 6 months
> 
> A high dose of an omega 3 complex - 1/5 – 4 months and ongoing
> 
> Existential talk therapy – 5/5 for my general emotional baggage (which we resolved a lot of), 1/5 for helping me learn to cope with my bipolar – 4 months, quit, 2 weeks and ongoing


More personal notes, spammy spam spam.


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## Choice

Spades said:


> Yesterday 06:48 AM - How is the lexapro going?!?!?


10mg now. normal dose. Working.

Pretty sure reduced constant fatigue = drugs. Otherwise, mood may have been down to situational circumstance.

Although once the tiredness's out of the way I get a clearer pic of where and how I'm malfunctioning, so the sensation of being held down, finding small activities impossible to start minus that excuse was odd.

Slightly less of a social recluse.

Returned sensations: 
a) boredom - Less compulsive repetitive thinking, major part of symptoms. Reaction = holy shit a couple of times I had to deliberately find distractions when off the comp because fresh out of daydreams wtf how?_(To anyone who was frustrated by my over analysis, dispassionate contemplation etc. Sorry. I'm bonkers.)_
b) anticipatory excitement - Thought I'd lost the ability to look forward to things for more than a few seconds (having mostly replaced "I really want to do that!" with "at least x item might be tolerable/make me better for a bit"). so that's good.

Side effects:
Short burst of drowsy-restlessness a bit of time after taking + appetites been meh, otherwise fine. Was alarmed when I saw flu-like symptoms on the list since that's been going on for 2 weeks but I'm probably just normal! sick + have been getting better anyway.


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## Spades

Choice said:


> Stuffs.


Thanks for the analysis! I love me some of that!

I'm on 10mg now too. I also have to take Tecta (a PPI) for the GERD that Cipralex caused (it was so bad and I've never had it before). In about 4 weeks, I'll evaluate whether to stick with them both or quit.

What were you given it for? Depression?

Mine was for various anxiety disorders and I'm actually finding it gives me depressive symptoms that aren't usually there... but they usually only last a few hours to a day tops. I suspect maybe the decreased sleep quality has to do with it. Panic attacks are also more depressive as opposed to energetic. I can't say it's "working" for 2-3 of the issues I have, but it's definitely working for social anxiety. I'm feeling more open and less inhibited with sharing things with people. I'm also worried about over-sharing now though =P Meh. No regrets I suppose. Frustrated it doesn't seem to be helping for my "main" issue, but I still have some hope.

Can't tell if sleepiness is due to poorer sleep or the drug itself.


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## Choice

Spades said:


> -/


Oui, depression. Said they'd refrain from sticking on any other labels till my attention span improves.

Hmm, lexapro + sleep disturbances sound common from internet searches, so maybe.

If you can be bothered, what do depressive anxiety attacks feel like? I find it hard to reconcile lethargy with something I associate with adrenaline rushes + annoying chest pain that lasts too long.


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## Spades

Choice said:


> If you can be bothered, what do depressive anxiety attacks feel like? I find it hard to reconcile lethargy with something I associate with adrenaline rushes + annoying chest pain that lasts too long.


Ooooh, see I don't associate depression with lethargy. I've had depression in the past (both chronic and acute) but I've never had it without anxiety and I don't associate a sluggish quality to it. I was referring more to the types of thoughts.

It would take me explaining the context of what gives me panic attacks and what I'm afraid of, but I don't feel comfortable explaining here, so I hope you don't mind vagueness =)

*My usual panic*: Pacing non-stop, like I'll be completely taken over/destroyed if I don't stop moving. Derealization, time slows down, everything is sharp and I want it to stop. Racing thoughts, feeling like I'm losing control. Sheer terror. Along with the usual physical symptoms.

*"Depressive" panic*: Wanting to curl up, feeling defeated, hopeless, like it won't ever be better. Feeling alone, feeling like the world is falling apart and can't be fixed. Wanting to disappear, fearing the future. Sheer dread. Along with the usual physical symptoms.

I can't tell which is worse.


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## tangosthenes

1. Current diagnoses
have not been in a long time
2. Current treatment/medication
kava
stimulants
alcohol
3. Suspected but unofficial diagnoses
think it's all covered
4. Past diagnoses
Social Anxiety 6 years ago
Major depressive 6 years ago
5. Past treatment/medication
sertraline, stopped after a year or so

Some notes to anxiety sufferers: anxiety medication doesn't work.. however going and getting support for your issues will motivate you to do more for yourself. This is finding friends mainly. The biggest problem with social anxiety are things like rejection, irrational panic, etc. Having good, reliable, laid back friends will help you feel more laid back in your environment. As much as it seems impossible at first, cultivating your "place" anywhere you go is essential. You will notice how big of a difference it is when you have to speak up in front of a lot of people if you have a few people in that room you feel safe with. No, it won't be a cakewalk, but you won't "ghost out" so to speak and lose internal feeling and control of your body.

Another thing that I haven't really solved, and this may be individual, is that if your anxiety makes you want to be aggressive against people when you _do_ speak to them, there is nothing you can really do about this. Since it puts your body in fight or flight, you are going to come off as an aggressive and intense person. Get used to it... it really doesn't matter in the long run. There are plenty of people who can handle it and still be friendly. And I probably don't need to say this, because if you're like me, you are intensely socially aware and you know EXACTLY what the worst case scenario is of a situation, make sure to show a friendly and repentant side to those who do feel threatened by you... it will go a long way to your feeling calmer, since they will probably smile if they have any sense of empathy on their mind at the moment...

Ok. And I used to think my anxiety was better than having a blank mind. It sort of is, and it sort of isn't. Don't lie to yourself though, your productivity is hampered, because even though your mind is speedy and can handle a lot of factors due to constant training, it's always put into things that don't matter; things that don't scare you.

Hope I understood the purpose of this thread...


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## Spades

tangosthenes said:


> Some notes to anxiety sufferers: anxiety medication doesn't work..


This is a huge generalization. First, "anxiety" is not a disorder but a class of many different types of disorders, each with unique fears and needs. Secondly, what meds are you referring to? There are tons of different things one can use, and each works very differently. Thirdly, for many people, meds **do** work, and they *greatly* help with doing things like CBT and exposure therapies.

I appreciate you sharing your own story though ^_^ Everyone is different.


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## tangosthenes

Spades said:


> This is a huge generalization. First, "anxiety" is not a disorder but a class of many different types of disorders, each with unique fears and needs. Secondly, what meds are you referring to? There are tons of different things one can use, and each works very differently. Thirdly, for many people, meds **do** work, and they *greatly* help with doing things like CBT and exposure therapies.
> 
> I appreciate you sharing your own story though ^_^ Everyone is different.


Fair enough... zoloft did not work for me. sertraline or something is the name of the actual chemical.
CBT was...condescending and I quit it pretty quickly. Could have been a bad therapist but I did not see the point of it. It went much slower than I was able to go in figuring out stuff.


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## koalaroo

I've basically switched to an older anxiety medication (brand name: Vistaril) and it works so much better and is less addictive than the other ones I've tried (I've been on Xanax & Klonapin in the past) -- your body also doesn't ramp up a tolerance to it as quickly. It's chemically quite similar to benadryl, so it has that sort of calming effect to it. I take it before bed along with my Geodon to calm my racing thoughts and rumination. I have what I like to call ruminating racing thoughts, which is really quite disconcerting: brain thinks hard, then swaps to something else to think super hard about, then does it again. There's no direction to the swaps, and I clean forget the previous thing my brain was trying to wrap itself around. And sometimes my brain will just ruminate, and sometimes it's pure racing thoughts. Yikes! The Vistaril/Geodon combo seems to keep that to a minimum.


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## Everyday Ghoul

My latest diagnosis is Schizoaffective disorder with bipolar tendencies or bipolar type. It's supposedly very rare, so I get to feel like a special freakin' snowflake for all the crappiest reasons, but what information I could find seems to fit. It makes me feel a little justified in my struggles with alcohol, food, smoking, and a sedentary lifestyle. My last psychotic episode was really nasty, so I broke down and took the anti-psychotic they've been trying to get me on for a while. I have/had a really bad irrational fear of death by medication, so it was a huge deal for me. 

They gave me Invega. Side effects are minimal for me, the worst of which is a really, really bad memory, but I've always had a pretty crappy memory, so I don't find it a terribly big deal. I'm glad they got me to take it, though to be honest, it was take it or kill myself, so that helped motivate me to take it. Anyway, the difference is night and day for me. I never realized how much I hallucinated before I took the med, as odd as that may sound. I heard voices and saw things even in childhood, but my family told me it was just the house settling or my eyes playing tricks on me when I was tired. They always had an excuse, so I thought nothing of it. Amazing how none of that happens, now that I'm taking medication, though. I feel the most functional I've felt since my early teens. I'm still struggling with manic episodes and spurts, and I can tell when the meds start to wear off, because I have a couple of hours where I feel down, just before it's time to take it. 

I've been through four psychiatrists, three therapists, and about three different drugs, so for anyone feeling hopeless, just hang in there. It took a while (years), but I love my current therapist, my current drug, and my current psychiatrist. Overall, it's been worth the long journey. I wouldn't have made it through this last psychotic episode without the help.


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## Choice

Spades said:


> Ooooh, see I don't associate depression with lethargy. I've had depression in the past (both chronic and acute) but I've never had it without anxiety and I don't associate a sluggish quality to it. I was referring more to the types of thoughts.
> 
> It would take me explaining the context of what gives me panic attacks and what I'm afraid of, but I don't feel comfortable explaining here, so I hope you don't mind vagueness =)


Ok, gotcha. 

No, the first paragraph would've sufficed. Still an interesting read though.

Described mine back here.

Essentially mainly a couple/many hours annoyance after the main scare rather than constant terror. (rare, and can be utterly random e.g. triggered by having to do homework once) Normal work/entertainment becomes overstimulation, so if I want it to stop instead of getting high more, it's either deep breathing for a long boring ass time or walk a lot.

Wonder how people manage to kill theirs in 10 mins. I breathe, listen to music etc, emotionally feel like I'm about to fall asleep, get back up, it starts again.


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## Kazoo The Kid

Hey I'm fucked up!

I should be on lexapro and seroquel but I haven't had either since december because I've been moving from home to home so much. I went to a pyschatrist like a week ago and he was pissing me off because it was like he diagnosed me before he even met me and starting listing off all the symptoms of mania and whenever I said "yes" he would just kinda go "hm so I thought" and it was really fucking annoying. He didn't perscribe me anything. But he made me seem like I was a ticking time bomb and made me look insane to my foster mother which pissed me off. 

Anyway my mom has OCD and bipolar disorder my father was schiziophrenic I have an "unspecified mood disorder" and must of spent at least 6 months in mental hospitals. I was cleared to go but I had no where to go so they seriously just HELD me there for months untill a home opened up.

I also use to do a lot of drugs too woopz.

I think its a lot more likely I have BPD then anything. But I control my mood swings rather well.

I'm deeply unhappy.:tongue:


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## Spades

Choice said:


> Ok, gotcha.
> 
> No, the first paragraph would've sufficed. Still an interesting read though.
> 
> Described mine back here.
> 
> Essentially mainly a couple/many hours annoyance after the main scare rather than constant terror. (rare, and can be utterly random e.g. triggered by having to do homework once) Normal work/entertainment becomes overstimulation, so if I want it to stop instead of getting high more, it's either deep breathing for a long boring ass time or walk a lot.
> 
> Wonder how people manage to kill theirs in 10 mins. I breathe, listen to music etc, emotionally feel like I'm about to fall asleep, get back up, it starts again.


Yeah, I guess I'd have to explain what triggers mine for it to make more sense. If I have "normal" panic attacks, I can calm myself in 10 minutes assuming I can escape the situation. Unfortunately, doing that technically reinforces anxiety >_<

Tapering off cipralex now, because the GERD it gave me got so bad that I was tasting blood when I'd burp. -___-


By the way, have I mentioned I am *deeply* unsettled by your sig pic?! Like, it's so bad I have to scroll so I can't see it. I don't know why that is =/ *twitch*


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## Choice

Spades said:


> Yeah, I guess I'd have to explain what triggers mine for it to make more sense. If I have "normal" panic attacks, I can calm myself in 10 minutes assuming I can escape the situation. Unfortunately, doing that technically reinforces anxiety >_<


Reinforces anxiety - possibly. Improved functionality worth it though? If so I assume fair enough depending on situation (?)



> Tapering off cipralex now, because the GERD it gave me got so bad that I was tasting blood when I'd burp. -___-


Sounds horrific. No signs of side effects tapering down? ok.



> By the way, have I mentioned I am *deeply* unsettled by your sig pic?! Like, it's so bad I have to scroll so I can't see it. I don't know why that is =/ *twitch*


Would unchecking "show your signature" hereafter in this thread be fine? Y/N?


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## Permeate

I'm bipolar 1 with mixed features yay! Luckily I'm a rather high-functioning case, or so they say...

Speaking of which, lithium is fucking annoying the hell out of me. I've had all sorts of med drama for the past 5 months and I've just about had it. My hair's thinning, I've got mad eczema, and I've got this weird permanent grogginess/dizziness. Luckily it keeps me stable.

7 more weeks until I'm doneeeee


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## knittigan

I just want to complain about the fact that lithium is screwing around with my cognitive skills to the point that I am:

(a) putting strange things in my refrigerator (eg. a loaf of bread and a box of cereal -- finding them after the fact, not just catching myself on autopilot)
(b) losing my sense of direction (physically as well as abstractly, eg. I can't tell you where east and west are, nor can I deal with maps or word problems)
(c) having short-term memory loss (eg. between deciding I want a glass of juice and getting to my kitchen, I forget what I'm doing, I usually can't tell you what I did the day before)
(d) continuously losing more and more of my long-term memory (my friends know more about what has happened to me over the course of my life than I do)
(e) struggling to perform basic memorisation tasks that have come easily to me in the past (eg. if my last midterm had required more short answer definitions rather than multiple choice ones I would have been royally fucked)

My doctor is on this, but wahhhh. I thought that I had an unusually good tolerance for lithium, but it turns out that I am having actual side effects after all. (Feeling thirsty 24/7 and having a tremor are not a bad trade off for no longer spending most of my time crying/being crushed with despair/wanting to die).


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## haephestia

knittigan said:


> I just want to complain about the fact that lithium is screwing around with my cognitive skills to the point that I am:
> 
> (a) putting strange things in my refrigerator (eg. a loaf of bread and a box of cereal -- finding them after the fact, not just catching myself on autopilot)
> (b) losing my sense of direction (physically as well as abstractly, eg. I can't tell you where east and west are, nor can I deal with maps or word problems)
> (c) having short-term memory loss (eg. between deciding I want a glass of juice and getting to my kitchen, I forget what I'm doing, I usually can't tell you what I did the day before)
> (d) continuously losing more and more of my long-term memory (my friends know more about what has happened to me over the course of my life than I do)
> (e) struggling to perform basic memorisation tasks that have come easily to me in the past (eg. if my last midterm had required more short answer definitions rather than multiple choice ones I would have been royally fucked)
> 
> My doctor is on this, but wahhhh. I thought that I had an unusually good tolerance for lithium, but it turns out that I am having actual side effects after all. (Feeling thirsty 24/7 and having a tremor are not a bad trade off for no longer spending most of my time crying/being crushed with despair/wanting to die).


Cognitive impairment as a side-effect of lithium is incredibly common, but it seems you're having a particularly strong case of it. I've been on lithium for 4(ish?) years now and while I do get brief 'word loss' (saying a word in my head and going to say it in a sentence to someone and stalling, completely forgetting the word) and occasional tremor if I'm dehydrated, but that's it. 

Perhaps lithium isn't the drug for you or you need to have your dose adjusted. How long have you been taking it?


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## knittigan

haephestia:11712426 said:


> Cognitive impairment as a side-effect of lithium is incredibly common, but it seems you're having a particularly strong case of it. I've been on lithium for 4(ish?) years now and while I do get brief 'word loss' (saying a word in my head and going to say it in a sentence to someone and stalling, completely forgetting the word) and occasional tremor if I'm dehydrated, but that's it.
> 
> Perhaps lithium isn't the drug for you or you need to have your dose adjusted. How long have you been taking it?


I've been on it for 8-9 months. I've also tried lamotrigine and aripiprazole, neither of which did anything for me except bad side effects. I'm type II, so I'm mostly depressive, but a hot mess on any antidepressants without a mood stabiliser. To go off of lithium would mean that I would be going off of everything, which would be not... good if my impromptu cold turkey trip off meds at the beginning of September is any guideline (it was an accident). 

I'm on a lower dose right now, but I had to switch from Lithmax to lithium carbonate (our pharmacists are snarky about the very idea of cutting pills, so I had to switch from 300mg tablets to 150/300mg capsules) and am sick as a dog on it. I didn't know that this kind of nausea was possible :frustrating: It annoys me because my blood serum levels are always borderline "too low" and yet I'm having these kind of massive side-effects.


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## haephestia

@knittigan My serum levels have been just under therapeutic range the whole time that I've been on lithium too, and I get great positive effects from it. There are other mood stabilizers and approaches to moderating bipolar without mood stabilizers that don't mean just taking an SSRI and praying it's good enough. This is particularly a bit more feasible in bipolar II. Sorry to talk so much, I'm in nursing and just finished a whole psychopharmacology course XD 

8-9 months is definitely long enough to be adjusted to lithium, even considering the change... Either way, they will not make you go cold turkey, you'll have to be titrated off. I'm sure if you talk to your psychiatrist they can find another method to help you that won't make you so ill.

(P.S. Lamotrigine is the devil, it gave me cardiac side effects so bad I couldn't lay down and breathe at the same time, and my cardiologist thought I was having mitral valve prolapse. Unbelievable. In the US the tests to narrow out actual heart problems would have cost me upward of $15k easily... just to realize MYSELF after looking it up in my goddamn drug guide that these cardiac problems were a side effect. Definitely don't trust your doctor to mention them all...)


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## Sweetish

Choice said:


> Muscle Cramps


That article fails to mention preventing muscle cramps / treating muscle cramps with magnesium, whether you ingest it (magnesium citrate capsules, magnesium sulfate in liquid form from a mL unit dropper) and/or soak your limb, or body, in warm water that's mixed with epsom salt, which contains magnesium, to absorb the magnesium trans-dermal (through the skin) -which often has the quickest efficacy.

Anyone who gets cramps or muscle tension on a regular basis should be supplementing with a form of magnesium that absorbs well. Don't bother with the cheap stuff- in the same dose amount it has low efficacy, isn't even worth its low cost.


*1. Current diagnoses:* N/A (I've yet to be able to afford to see a doctor, so it's been a while)

*2. Current treatment/medication:
*
To treat and to prevent anxiety, hypomania, mild psychosis, irritability:
- magnesium sulfate -or- magnesium citrate
- niacin (vitamin B-3) with a meal, plus a B-complex, and molybdenum
- L-Lysine between meals to reduce anxiety, L-Theanine on an empty stomach 30 minutes before bed

To help myself sleep:
- ginger tea (a natural anti-histamine), L-Theanine

For depressive episodes, suicidal thinking:
- don't eat sugary food; don't eat inflammatory food
- L-Glutamine between meals when my digestion acts up, and a Low FODMAP diet
- concentrated Omega-3 Essential Fatty Acids in the form of EPA within fish oil; capsules of crushed rosemary
- 21 mg or less of caffeine (I'm very sensitive to caffeine, my body breaks it down very slowly and this can worsen my anxiety, but for me it's also capable of reversing depressive symptoms as a last resort)

*3. Suspected but unofficial diagnoses:*

Schizotypal Disorder. Cyclothymia. Fructose Malabsorption (Low FODMAP diet works for that).

My uncle has lived a lifetime with his diagnosis of Schizophrenia, so there's family history. The symptoms were much worse in my childhood and teen years. Anymore, I don't have auditory hallucinations or visual hallucinations. I haven't experienced the former for 13 years, and it's been maybe 1 year since I last had a visual hallucination, but those have been quite mild, infrequent, and brief. It's because I don't have auditory hallucinations anymore that I no longer have panic attacks as a result. I also feel far less of a sense of paranoia, thoughts of being persecuted, and much less of the signature sense of guilt for past events that I can't undo. Symptoms of Ideas Of Reference, Magical Thinking, and Bizarre Beliefs have greatly diminished.

*4. Past diagnoses:*

I wasn't completely honest with the first doctor who evaluated me at age 11 or so, because my symptoms predispose me to not trust people, so all that doctor knew is that I was socially anxious and depressed, and my mom was scared that I might hurt or kill myself.

Anxiety and depression come with the territory of Schizotypal Disorder, they're not comorbid so much as they're part of the condition. It's easier to see those symptoms than the symptoms at the core of Schizotypy. Schizotypy is only obvious when a person is outwardly "eccentric" or behaves in a particularly strange or odd way in contrast to how other people behave. It's not the behavior that defines the condition, but more the reasons that inspire the behavior. It has a perceptual component, where the sense of reality is distorted, but Schizotypy is easier for a person with the condition to confront than for a person who has Schizophrenia.

Nearly 2 decades after my first sessions with a counselor, a doctor who spent less than half an hour with me, total, made his best guess- and that guess was Borderline Personality Disorder, which was and is completely wrong. I didn't give him a chance to guess again because I was in and out of that facility voluntarily. He didn't tell me what his evaluation was, either- months later, when I signed for my patient records to be mailed to me, I read what he had written in his notes.

*5. Past treatment/medication:*

Writing in a journal, writing poetry, venting, physical exercise, going for a walk outdoors in nature, physical "yard work", listening to music.

Now, instead of journals or poetry, I socialize online in a handful of different places, and I share my interests. Basically, my isolation is less pervasive than it was in my youth. I deal with personal struggles more openly. I care what people think, but not to the point that I'm going to cause myself harm by hiding or concealing what I've been dealing with for most of my life.

I'm much improved, and I want people to know that. It's good that people know that recovery is an every day reality- it takes desire, it takes work, it takes getting help in ways that work best for an individual, and anyone willing to put forth the effort can get better, can feel better, and quality of life can improve.

*6+ Etc...

*Treat the body, treat the mind, do it every day and keep moving forward.

In my youth, I also had symptoms of mood disorder which have lessened substantially due to major nutritional changes that I've made over the past 6 years. I now consider it to be cyclothymia because my symptoms are easily avoidable/preventable, recognizable, treatable, and much more mild now than in years past.

Anymore, I have to intentionally provoke the symptoms for anyone to see the effects on me happen, because I've become so good at preventing them. My family and friends tend to forget that I ever had a problem, as if they like to believe that I "grew out of it" without so much as lifting a finger to solve my own problems. I don't know why anyone wants to believe that problems just go away without any effort on anyone's part- it's simply not true. I'm better now because I took it upon myself to change my approach, my food habits, my sleeping habits, and my attitude. My issues didn't resolve themselves; I resolved them with a lot of reading and by making major changes to see what could happen as a result.

I know to not supplement calcium, and to be very careful to not eat food that's fortified with a lot of calcium, because I become irritable and angry without provocation. I tolerate 10% daily value of calcium, not more than 15% in one meal. This could mean that I would react rather favorably to a medication which is an L-type Calcium Channel blocker, likely for genetic reasons. From what I've read, there are people who have mood disorder who respond best to Sodium Channel blockers, and people who respond best to Calcium Channel blockers.

(I should add that in my childhood I occasionally had what I'm now sure was angina pectoris, basically a sharp chest pain that feels like pressure is being put on your rib cage and your heart, and it hurts to breathe while it's happening. L-type Calcium Channel blocker meds are used to treat that. I was never diagnosed for that or treated for it, I basically just dealt with it when it happened and was glad when it was over, similar to how I dealt with the migraines that I used to get. I don't have migraines anymore, though- because I don't eat soy and I don't take vitamin E supplements made from dl-alpha-tocopherol. That's an issue for me as an individual, genetically, as there are people who tolerate soy just fine whereas my body simply doesn't.)

I know to not eat chocolate, and my S.O. has witnessed what happens afterward when I do- so, he actively encourages me to not eat it. What happens when I eat any kind of chocolate is that I basically have a very positive and social mood, goofiness, happiness, sociability, energy, but then I crash- so, I'm irritable, annoyed, cranky, angry, argumentative. Then my mood flattens out, so I feel nothing, or what's known as apathy. My body can't properly handle the phenethylamine in cocoa, it affects my brain like a drug. My body also has to deal with the ammonia created by the phenethylamine in chocolate, which it struggles to process and get rid of.

There's a family history of thyroid problems on my mom's side which causes a whole host of health problems, including mood instability, so that's a factor. I've begun taking a mineral supplement which includes *selenium* and *iodine* for thyroid support, and I can't drink fluoridated water because it creates an iodine deficiency, causing me health issues because of hypothyroid symptoms- so I buy filtered water instead to drink and cook with. My symptoms of hypothyroid have been: extreme exhaustion /chronic fatigue (sleeping for 12 hours, awake for 12 hours, yet no amount of rest or food restores energy); soreness and muscle aches throughout my body; lack of appetite, and forgetting to eat; increased sensitivity to cold, lack of sensitivity to heat; my menstrual cycle reset itself 4 - 5 days earlier than its usual 27 day cycle; forgetfulness and poor short term memory, inability to concentrate, "brain fog"; a severe lack of motivation in addition to having very little energy.

There's also a family history of Celiac Disease, digestive maladies, resulting in deficiencies and even malnutrition (one of my grandpa's aunts died young of malnutrition despite the siblings having "perfect" health; one of my aunts was very sickly as a baby and child, diagnosed "failure to thrive" but despite stunted growth she survived to adulthood and was diagnosed with Celiac Disease; My mother, and one of my brothers, and some of my aunts have also been diagnosed with Celiac Disease.)

Everyone in our family has to take very good care of our individual digestive health because of this family risk, and be proactive about getting adequate nutrition to prevent health problems- physical, mental, and emotional in nature. My elderly uncle takes anti-psychotic medication, is overweight, is very reclusive. I see him as having very poor quality of life. I'm thankful that I don't have to take those meds. I'm thankful that I don't have to deal with side effects of medication. I continually make the effort to maintain my recovery because I don't want to resort to other choices. I know what's helped me and I've learned why. Some of my extended family members have begun learning how to personally recover, but it's a slow, very gradual process. I wish that I could just fix what ails them in an instant, but I can't.


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