# How long would you say a new relationship "honeymoon" stage and relationship last?



## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

*How long would you say a new relationship "honeymoon" stage and relationship last?*

What are the factors involved with making a relationship last,and how long does a honeymoon stage usually last for all the NF out there? Is it easy or difficult to transition from the infatuation stage into the devoted partner stage in a relationship?

Also what would be your guess as to an average length that a relationship lasts ?


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## BlueSeven (Nov 19, 2012)

I think it varies for everyone, I'd suppose around two or three years. But there are various stages of a relationship honeymoon I suppose! Like, of course the first year is meant to be rather easy, but if some horrible thing happens during that it doesn't mean your relationship will never be fluffy bunnies. I think it's about long standing issues, if you sort them out quickly and efficently with lots of talking you probably will spend those first three years having very stern talks and arguments. But after that, at six years, you'll be walking on sunshine. Sometimes ignorance isn't bliss


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## RandomNote (Apr 10, 2013)

Depends on the people.


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

RandomNote said:


> Depends on the people.


what about your experiences?


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## RandomNote (Apr 10, 2013)

Got none i don't do good in relationships at the moment and have only had one so far that was short and was mostly just to see what dating was like. What i know is form watching others and studying human behavior but it wasn't as interesting as learning the biology of different things so i didn't got too far into it.


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## Vanishing Point (Oct 2, 2012)

I would say around two-three years usually. Then it begins for real.


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## nicoloco90 (May 3, 2010)

Vanishing Point said:


> I would say around two-three years usually. Then it begins for real.


Do tell us so more about that :shocked:


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## BlueSeven (Nov 19, 2012)

nicoloco90 said:


> Do tell us so more about that :shocked:


I feel as though we won't be able to handle the truth.


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## Vanishing Point (Oct 2, 2012)

nicoloco90 said:


> Do tell us so more about that :shocked:





BlueSeven said:


> I feel as though we won't be able to handle the truth.


Lol. I just meant that that after the honeymoon phase the dust begins to settle and you can start looking around a bit and see what it is you've jumped into. That's when it starts getting more realistic and whatever chemical haze people's brain's get imbued with when they fall in love begins to fade. If the couple find that even after the daze is gone they have love, desire and respect for each other it can mature into something beautiful that is real as laundry but romantic like a fairytale at the same time. :kitteh:


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## BlueSeven (Nov 19, 2012)

Vanishing Point said:


> Lol. I just meant that that after the honeymoon phase the dust begins to settle and you can start looking around a bit and see what it is you've jumped into. That's when it starts getting more realistic and whatever chemical haze people's brain's get imbued with when they fall in love begins to fade. If the couple find that even after the daze is gone they have love, desire and respect for each other it can mature into something beautiful that is real as laundry but romantic like a fairytale at the same time. :kitteh:


*wipes tear from eye* That was lovely.
I feel there's something very superficial and not very real about couple's in the honeymoon stage.


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## Vanishing Point (Oct 2, 2012)

BlueSeven said:


> *wipes tear from eye* That was lovely.
> I feel there's something very superficial and not very real about couple's in the honeymoon stage.


It is a bit much sometimes looking on from the outside, but then again it's just how it goes. I liked mine. Lol.


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

BlueSeven said:


> *wipes tear from eye* That was lovely.
> I feel there's something very superficial and not very real about couple's in the honeymoon stage.



infatuation scares me, I easily get infatuated but I never act upon it unless I know for SURE they share core values, but thats so hard to do because everyones in such a rush to do anything nowdays and no one wants to take the time to get to know me or so it seems


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## BlueSeven (Nov 19, 2012)

Dr.Horrible said:


> infatuation scares me, I easily get infatuated but I never act upon it unless I know for SURE they share core values, but thats so hard to do because everyones in such a rush to do anything nowdays and no one wants to take the time to get to know me or so it seems


It feels like the more shallow the infatuation the longer the relationship honeymoon stage lasts.. Which is either rather good or rather bad.


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## nicoloco90 (May 3, 2010)

BlueSeven said:


> *wipes tear from eye* That was lovely.
> I feel there's something very superficial and not very real about couple's in the honeymoon stage.


It's true unfortunately, over half of them won't last even 3 years or so. Nowadays you even hear people say that marriage has no meaning to them at all (or lost its meaning) and functions only as a liability. That's just sad :sad:

Probably most people just want a faerytale wedding to have experienced it or just have done it in their lives, on dates like 12-12-2012 and stuff. And there are also folks that decided to re-marry after 20 years while still being married ...
I also like it when on talkshow people say stuff like ''yaa me and my wife are married now for 15 years'' ... and everybody starts clapping and cheering like it is the most extraordinary thing the've heard and that it is a HUGE accomplishment :mellow: 
In a way it is, but, it's how it should be like right?

Oh well, hopefully I will stay true and old fashioned about it all, and marry in the church and be happy together forever, doesn't sound corny to me. In the end i'm happy and healthy and not screwed up and alone roud: the same for my future kids then.


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## BlueSeven (Nov 19, 2012)

nicoloco90 said:


> It's true unfortunately, over half of them won't last even 3 years or so. Nowadays you even hear people say that marriage has no meaning to them at all (or lost its meaning) and functions only as a liability. That's just sad :sad:
> 
> Probably most people just want a faerytale wedding to have experienced it or just have done it in their lives, on dates like 12-12-2012 and stuff. And there are also folks that decided to re-marry after 20 years while still being married ...
> I also like it when on talkshow people say stuff like ''yaa me and my wife are married now for 15 years'' ... and everybody starts clapping and cheering like it is the most extraordinary thing the've heard and that it is a HUGE accomplishment :mellow:
> ...


Aw, see I don't know! To some people a marriage is a life long commitment, and to other people it's not. I do tend to perfer the modern sort of way where you can leave an unhealthy relationship without being ostracized  But yes, I do understand your love of old values... To me a partner is just that.. Like a partner, and a pillar and someone constant who helps you in fields of life, the one constant. Not someone who you constantly fight with and can't stand and all of that. But that's just me, the modern relationship has come to a place where it's open and that's beautiful to me. It's as though if people who would ordinarily be judged for their views on relationships, can find other people who also share these views and avoid hurting anyone! 

Fifteen years is a long time though!  for anything, even being friends or being a parent, I do tend to think it's a big accomplishment. It's very funny but I read that the 'Seven year itch' wasn't really a thing, it was all about the one and three year itches. I feel like those are the times to sort long standing issues and put in implements to sort out future problems, and then you can sort of go into your stable happily ever after.


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## themonocle (Feb 18, 2013)

It depends on the people, I think. 
1) How well they communicate.
2) How well they listen to each other.
3) How good they are at dealing with boundary issues.
4) How committed they are to finding a solution that benefits both parties.
5) How well they understand each others needs.
6) How easily they take offense.
7) How balanced they are in self care vs care taking of others.

It takes a lot of maturity to stick it through hard times with a human who is never going to live up to your ideals. But when you do... You will see what true acceptance means. That is the reality that happens on the outskirts of perception as you work together. You don't see it manifest until one of you is left vulnerably in the hands of the other. Sickness. Deaths. Job Losses. Those things. The beautiful is in a husband who knows how to hold his second child, because of his first. The wife who knows what food comforts you now, because she fed you when you were sick. That's a long way down the road from 3rd year. That's what you get at the 20 year mark.


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## nicoloco90 (May 3, 2010)

I think the whole ''open'' and ''partner'' idea tends to limit the amount of energy and sacrifice one puts in for the other to overcome difficult times or loss of interest (which you should recreate and renew together I think) or whatever it is on a longer period of time. It is like you can come to a point that you decide just to quit without having to deal with many consequences because there was not anything official between the two anyway. To me it sounds a bit superficial and less unique and less bonding. Also, in this perspective people should think a 2nd time before having kids then ...


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## cricket (Jan 10, 2011)

I've been with someone over a year now, and I feel we're definitely past the honeymoon stage. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. We just got to the stage where we are working on accepting each other as we are and looking past our ideals. We are both "loose" INFPs. We rarely fight but when we do, it's awful. We bicker a lot as of late, but we still love each other. We've already committed to each other, so I don't see us breaking up, but sometimes I wonder. And then I wonder if that's normal. To wonder if you're still right for each other even though you love each other very much?


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## Anahata (Aug 11, 2010)

Dr.Horrible said:


> ... and no one wants to take the time to get to know me or so it seems


"Let me not so much seek to be understood as to understand."

It is not easy to do, but dating, relationships and moving between these phases you describe require understanding from you of your partner. There are couples who never go through a "honeymoon" phase. Some of these terms are inventions to describe what _some_ people experience, but it by no means covers the gamut of human relationships. 

If you understand your partner, you will grow with them. If they understand you it is something to fight for.


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## themonocle (Feb 18, 2013)

I remember hearing something recently that was so well put that I wished I had heard when I was first married. Let me see if I can dig it out of my memory bank... "The first two to three years of marriage are the hardest because it is a disolution of previous boundaries as singles, a coming together as a couple, and reinventing of boundaries as a couple." That is the mindset you have to work with or else you are going to end up in a pickle.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

I guess that it depends on how fast the intimacy grows. The faster you progress between stages (physical and emotional intimacy stages), the faster the honeymoon phase passes. Thought it is not a bad thing, coz when this passes, there is room to grow real love and affection, and a special bond can develop and become unsubstitutable.

The problem is that with all the social expectations of perfect relationships, when reality kicks in and conflicts arises, people tend to wonder if they are meant for each other rather than facing them together. We watch too much Hollywood stuff that we forget how natural conflicts within relationships are, and we tend to believe that if we are meant to be, then there should always be sparks and butterflies like the honeymoon phase.
Relationships takes work, you are connecting with someone on a deeper level so you are bound to face some conflicts you probably wouldn't have with friends and other people.


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## Niight0wl (Aug 15, 2013)

Scientists say, approximately 3 years.. if you're lucky.
I say, as long as you and your partner want it to


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## Aquarian (Jun 17, 2012)

Well, then there's always the path that my mate and I took, which involved a incredibly intense connection that took us both by surprise amidst persistent and increasingly intense hammering of huge life stressors on the relationship from its inception, followed by a near-breakup that included ending the non-legal marriage we had entered into during the initial phases, followed by a slow climb out of the intense life stresses while simultaneously finding ways to understand each other so that our natural love can fly its flag without drawing enemy fire or whatever the hell that was.

It was like "Let's combine the part that's supposed to be all butterflies and lurve with a mutual walk through the fire of extreme life stress together and see what happens!" Not that we planned it that way but .. yeah, I don't know, I guess what I'll say is that over the course of the past 3 years we have seen each other's insanity and damage and pain and it's like immediate intense increasing layers of "MY ASS IS SHOWING! AGAIN!" (and not in a fun way) and I feel like we did a lot of things backward or upside down or something, like this "taking a nice long walk together through stress-fueled fire" approach probably isn't the best when paired with the intensity of new love. 

To be fair, we had no idea what the hell we were getting into. And also to be fair, I doubt we could have survived as a couple if we didn't love and, in the end, respect each other so much. 

That said, it's a freaking relief to now have more sanity and developing depth of understanding to go with the deep instinctive love that has been there between us all along. If/when we marry again, this time legally, we'll be much clearer about it.

Long story short: I'd say we had a honeymoon in hell and lived to tell about it, and hopefully for our next relationship honeymoon period we can go to New Zealand or something.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

The honeymoon period of my first relationship lasted about a week, maybe two (the dude was hiding his emotions from me so I'm not sure how things really were on his end.)

The honeymoon period of my second relationship lasted a grand total of 4 days. That was before we were officially even in a relationship though. Our entire actual relationship sucked.

In my current relationship we're like devoted partners with the innocent affection of the honeymoon stage. We have had major arguments before, like people in any relationship, and we are aware of each other's flaws, but in general everything is awesome, we still do random sweet things for each other all the time, we are the "adorable couple" to our friends, and in general are totally head over heels for each other. I'm not sure how long our actual honeymoon period lasted. We were friends before we got together so we already knew each others' flaws going in.


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