# INFP,ADHD(or... a life of failure...bla bla...I want a field of study)



## MrKafka (Jan 31, 2015)

Hello. I don't cry much but i feel the need to right now.
But i can't. So i am writing this.

I am an INFP 18 year old male. I finished school last year, barely and badly. Basically i was on Prozac just to get out of my bed so i wouldn't fail my year due to attendance issues.
I went on a private college that partners with a British University (university of east london, UEL), that is very easy to do in my country as it doesn't require a high marks in school (or even descent ones, the only requirment is that you graduate).

So i made the wise choice. I went to pursue a Computer Networks degree. What that means is that you get a highly marketable paper that can get you a job.Good degree , descent lectures (after all is personal research that matters in the field) good students(some even professionals already)

As it turns out computer science didn't fell right. Although i admit..i'm a quiter. but bottom line:
A. I felt i couldn't make it.
B. I felt trapped.

So i changed majors (although its not a major/minor system so lets say...field of study?)
I am currently studying Business Management.
It may not be ideal but one of the courses is marketing. (and it is the ONLY thing that i mayyyybe would pursue a post-graduate study in and potentially as a career ...although i believe i will only be a good freelancer so...there's that)
Things are not good though.
My grades are low as my interest, i still somehow manage to be a good student compared to others in the classroom (i ain't smart, everyone else is an idiot...and i really really don't feel like saying this ever but i can't help it) and it all feels like a joke.
a bad degree, bad lectures, bad students.
the whole package just sinks me into depression.

Okay. So the only thing i am good at is music.
Needless to say talent alone is a ticket to mediocrity.
However pursuing a music degree doesn't interest me. I'm in bands i write songs etc. (lets hope that will work :tongue: )
my childhood dream was to be a director. i like movies.
i like to read. i want to write something (hopefully a self-help book when i succeed in life that actually helps people and its not total-therapy junkie crap and then move into literature.LOL)
I also would like to be an enterpreneur. Since i love music and want to get to know people(i've got an every trade helps my other trades philosophy)...i am kind of a club promoter (booking bands) and i made conversations about how we could host such events (ofcourse suitable gernes of music) in our family business. i could go into details but its not necessary. its a very nice place. and i believe a good idea.

okay so...what do i study?

i am afraid film studies, audio production etc. could be a dead end for me. I'm not a money freak but i how do people move on with thinks they love despite the fear of dying in the sand?)
I want to do a great thing, and i fear i'll die unhappy if i don't.


For a more complete profile...i drink, i smoke, i'm losing hair :/

I was supposed to be smart.
I am also sorry for my mediocre English. I'm an adept but not native speaker.


----------



## Bluehealer (Feb 3, 2015)

I have hair still, but I'll see if I can help.

I am also INFP A.D.D. 
At your age I was in much the same place. I hope you will make better choices than I did. My parents pushed me into starting college, and I dropped out both times. I was not able to focus. I was diagnosed with ADD till I was in my 6th year of a 4 year degree. 

I had a tough time deciding what I wanted to study. As a child I had trouble with depression and behavioral issues, so I had early exposure to psychologists. By the time I was in 2nd grade I told people I wanted to be a Psychologist when I grew up. Unfortunately, by the time I was in high school this dream began to seem distant. My HS guidance counselor encouraged me to go to trade school. Her tests suggested I'd be a good mechanic. I didn't want to be a mechanic, or anything else offered at trade school. I was a bit artistic, and I enjoyed gardening. One of my first jobs was gardener. I was fairly good at that. 

I too struggled with wanting a good income. It didn't help that I lived in an expensive neighborhood and my dad was an accomplished executive. I wanted to have nice things, especially cars and houses. I decided I would learn to be a real estate agent. There were several making large incomes in my area. I wasn't very good at it, but I kept followed that career path for about 9 years.

I had decided long ago, by then that any career requiring lots of education was not for me. I liked helping people in need. Real estate helped fulfill my desire to help people, but I was only helping them find a house. The real estate market crashed, and I was desperate for income. 

During my 20s I had several experiences helping people who had serious problems, and I discovered I was good at counseling them and I found the work fulfilling. Sometimes profoundly so. 

I decided to go back to school when I was 30. I studied Sociology and Psychology. After one year I decided to major in Psychology, and minor in sociology. I eventually focussed on just Psych. Unfortunately I couldn't keep my grades up high enough to get accepted into the Psych department. I eventually grew discouraged, and decided to take some time off. That was 16 years ago. I am just getting back into university right now. My new major is counseling Psychology. 

I struggled with math, english, and anything related including statistics or any class where essays were required. 

So my advice. Follow your heart! You're not going to be fulfilled with anything mundane. You are Spiderman!!!

Since you are 18 and drink and smoke already, (as did I) I'm going to warn you about self medicating. You feel emotions very deeply and because of that you are very tempted to try and make yourself feel better. Chemicals are very quick, but lead to misery. Avoid all addictive substances. Marijuana is non addictive. When I was young MJ made me paranoid, so I preferred alcohol. I've learned my lesson and will never use another addictive substance. 

Follow your heart.

I hope I have helped.


----------



## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

Its important to sit yourself down and identify things that simply piques your interest and things that not only do that but also fill you with energy and life. Something that makes you feel a full range of emotion but overall in a positive way.

"_Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive_." Dr. Howard Thurman

This quote essentially embodies that notion. Find something that makes you come alive. Is that something for you to be a movie director? I cannot say, only you can answer that question. For only you know what truly makes you come alive.

Be brave, strive forward and follow your heart. 




Bleuhealer said:


> I have hair still, but I'll see if I can help.
> 
> I am also INFP A.D.D.
> At your age I was in much the same place. I hope you will make better choices than I did. My parents pushed me into starting college, and I dropped out both times. I was not able to focus. I was diagnosed with ADD till I was in my 6th year of a 4 year degree.
> ...



Very excellent advice.


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

@MrKafka,

Hello! I am an INFP, too, not male. I drink but do not smoke. I am not losing hair but did recently have several white hairs pointed out to me. :dry:

I understand struggling in high school (me too) and having a hard time feeling inspired by subjects and choosing a major (me too). 

What I hear is that you have an interest in music, skill/interest in promoting and hosting, enjoyment of getting to know people, and a good family business that you might be able to use to your advantage. 

It sounds like Business Management is a good start, but you have emphasized that Marketing is more your interest. It sounds like you are more into networking, event planning, and promotion. Are there any other departments/majors at your school that offer something more along those lines? Are there any schools you could transfer to that offer something more along those lines? 

What I have learned is that it is important for INFPs to find their "niche". Many of us seem to wind up in little corners of jobs that are perhaps a little different and a little insulated, allowing us to be a little nerdy and a little helpful and not overwhelmingly stressed. At least where I am, there are jobs in music and event planning like that. They are not usually conventional schedule jobs, but it doesn't sound like you are necessarily looking for that. They are not incredibly highly paid, but they can pay enough for you to have a comfortable life. And if your family has a business that you might be able to work with, that can offer you a platform to launch yourself from and a safety net to try without losing everything. That way you could work around and with music and people and still have a salary that allows you to live safely and to have a little extra money to spend on musical equipment. 

Also, take heart - you are only 18! There is plenty of time for you to turn things around and have a good career. Additionally, many men pull off losing hair really well and still look really handsome. I think the secret is to cut it really short or shave it and rock your head proudly instead of trying to hide the loss.


----------



## MrKafka (Jan 31, 2015)

@angelfish haha eventually i'll do that..i agree but i look so much better with hair on...i don't know  it's the least of my problems. @Crimson Ash...i couldn't agree more but this is easier said than done.. @Bleuhealer i really appreciate sharing you sharing your story with me. actually i too was interested in psychology...but a lot of things turned me away (low grades in high school, the fact that i won't become "instantly" self-dependend etc. also i can't imagine doing anything in psychology except becoming a freelancer.
i'll do my best. your answers help a lot.


----------



## Rift (Mar 12, 2012)

first off, no need to apologize for your english... in most english speaking lands, people find it suspect if you're english is too good. :tongue:



MrKafka said:


> i am afraid film studies, audio production etc. could be a dead end for me. I'm not a money freak but i how do people move on with thinks they love despite the fear of dying in the sand?)


well, for one... people make it a hobby and pick up the skills as they go. While I don't really know what's available in your country.. you can find several community & junior colleges with courses for costs far less and take less time than most universities and tech schools. And still be able to qualify for internships and employment (video/film: editing gigs top the list, so its keeping up with the popular software for it. audio: it's a bit more variable to the scene, but usually more equipment based at this level.. usually grunt work.)... albeit, heading overseas for employment, you'd likely need at least a bachelors to qualify for a work visa in most scenarios. 

if one had to make a rough guess of your school's programs, one might suggest you check out their media design with digital arts program, since you could bridge it over it your other interests and even pick up some of those skills you're looking for as electives.


If we're looking at any and all possibilities, then you might consider event management, you could additionally pair it off with media production skills.. so, you have the option to work in the entertainment industry, but not so narrow that you couldn't work in other industries as well. Weddings, birthdays, even sports events could pay the bills, while your stuck between gigs in the entertainment scene. 

lacking a decent event management program, you might consider tourism instead.. 

similarly, public relations could be another route to consider as well... and digital/media skills could still prove beneficial.


----------



## Sangmu (Feb 18, 2014)

I wish I was eighteen again...man...the things I would have done differently. For starters, I would have chilled the fuck out.


----------



## MrKafka (Jan 31, 2015)

that was not bad english on my part...that was brain damage..


----------



## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

INFP here,

Ah the old useless Business Admin degree; mine would be useless too but my masters program doesn't care what BA I have. I also went through 5-10 serious/semi-serious majors/career ideas. I think at 18 I was taking paralegal classes at the community college because.... I was watching too much Law & Order at the time. :laughing:

What I would have done at 18... First of all try to explore as many potential careers as you can. Even a few that you don't think you'd like. At 18 I thought that my best career options involved sitting in a cubicle, and not talking to anyone. Now I'm studying to become an Elementary teacher. You're still going to develop and change, and barriers of entry like ADHD (for me it was social anxiety) go away. 

INFPs stereotypically are great with people-on their own terms. Have you thought at all about counseling/mental health professions? Maybe even turn ADHD into a career (becoming a child psychologist who works with kids with ADHD)


----------



## MrKafka (Jan 31, 2015)

well i thought about psychology for a long time but my options of studying psychology somewhere are pretty low brow i think...


----------



## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

ADHD doesn't seem to be a disorder, but a deviance: it violates social norms. In my opinion, instead of taking pills for it, it would be better to get to the root of the symptoms of your behavior. Seems like there is a lot of (social) pressure on you to succeed. ("chill the fuck down" is pretty good advice here as someone already addressed)

Not my words of wisdom, but they feel appropriate:

"The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you."

20-Year-Old Hunter S. Thompson’s Superb Advice on How to Find Your Purpose and Live a Meaningful Life | Brain Pickings


----------



## Super-Yoshi (Mar 2, 2014)

ISTJ here with ADD. I second the option of exploring interests and careers you might be interested in. It took me 4 years before I figured out my major honestly. Oh and having a strong support group like friends and family is extremely helpful.

And like many others here, grades are not my strongest point either, but I've chosen to focus on the good things I can do, instead of letting my grades determine my worth. In the end, I think companies want to see what you can do for them instead of seeing perfect grades and nothing else to show.


----------



## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

I'm an INTJ with ADD. I'm not an INFP so my advice is going to sound ruthless and Te ish but here goes.

Get your ADHD under control. Right away. Anything that you like, anything fun, once it becomes work, is going to be grueling for someone like us. There's no way around it. You _have_ to push through it. "Finding your passion" will not solve this. Because your passion will become work. When an ADHDer lacks motivation, getting him to do anything is like pulling teeth. I would know. I've been there. I'm still there right now, in a way. If you MUST change your major again, change it to something you don't hate the idea of, then stick with it. Seriously. No more changes allowed.

And why do I think I have the right to say this? Because I'm succeeding in school. There are just days where you have to hunker down, pop in a 20mg of Vyvanse (or whatever you have), and get down to work. Stupid, irrelevant-seeming work it may be, but you can't get away with it. I couldn't decide on a major either. How I ended up in my major is another story all together. Suffice to say I wasted time being indecisive and reached a point where I didn't have any choice but this one. Then of course I was far enough that I couldn't switch without dropping out and starting over, and it was as good a major as any. Because long ago I learned that even if I studied something I enjoyed, when it comes down to homework I'll always have a hard time doing it. It turns out my major is not the worst for me and as I've gotten better, I'm starting to like it a lot.

I get the feeling that you're the same way. Whatever you change to, you're going to be less enamored with it and want to quit at some point. When I was younger I had a gazillion "dream careers". I lost interest in all of them when I learned what they entailed. Shark biologist? Had to spend years doing stupid biology major shit and then it's a major competition to get the job. Astrophysicist? Why didn't anyone tell me I had to do five hours of lab each week? About fucking ELECTROMAGNETISM of all things? Who gives a shit about circuits? Music? I have to get through Medieval Music and music theory? Archaeology? What do you mean you don't get to dig up rare treasures all the time? Web designer? the language is too fucking annoying. Point is, you don't get good at anything without sufficient practice. 

Any major you pick will involve grueling, stupid, repetitive busywork that just feels like a waste of your life. It will make you want to quit. Everything will. There's no real benefit to more major hopping. You either stick with it and reap the rewards, or you never finish anything. I don't mean to imply life is all bad. My major is hard for me. But there are moments of extraordinary happiness along with it too. Flashes of insight. A sense of camaraderie when my friends and I join forces and crack a hard problem. A momentous pride when I score high on a fiendishly difficult exam. But along with its delights comes the price, but a hard truth is that nothing worth having in life is free. There's always a price. There's always a challenge. Are you up for it?

The annoying fact nobody likes to emphasize too often is (and you know I'm going to say it when I preface it like that): Most people don't end up in their childhood dream careers, in your case "director". Life requires persistence and doing things you really, fucking, hate a lot of times. Despite the line our generation has been fed, things really don't magically work out for most people. To think otherwise is magical thinking, and our generation sorely needs to be disabused of this myth. Most lives are ordinary and mundane. To reach for extraordinary heights before you know you can even get there is dangerous. It sets overly high expectations and the stage for disappointment. Most people with big accomplishments start small never seriously expecting to make it big.

Some recommended reading that I found highly convincing (it also changed my life for the better. Now I'm much more successful)

So Good They Can't Ignore You
How to be a Straight A Student
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now

Especially the first book and the third. The third book is great for you because you're not yet 20. I'm 22 and I wish I knew about it earlier. I sincerely hope you change your situation for the better by the time you're 25. It could mean the difference between a lost, directionless life where you're unemployable and depressed, and a likely ordinary, mundane but nevertheless fulfilling career.


----------

