# Attractive skills/hobbies/interests in men?



## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

What kind of skills or hobbies or interests make you more attracted to a guy? Should a man be choosing more social hobbies, or can more solitary hobbies and interests also be attractive?

Should a man have a variety of interests or is it OK if he is a little one dimensionally focused on one or two things?

Is there some level of skills or accomplishments that a man needs before he can be attractive?


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## MaggieMay (Dec 27, 2014)

I find personal hobbies far more attractive than social, personally. It's about the drive/passion behind the hobby. So regardless if a man happens to be into car mechanics or reading- if there's passion behind it I will find it appealing. I think if you concentrate on a few central hobbies then it's not a bad thing, I think being open to trying new things is important but I think even more so it is important to have one interest/hobby you can share with someone else- painting, sports, knowledge, ect. so the person you are interested in can have a way to bond if you don't already have mutual hobbies. Plus it's cool to watch people in their own element teaching you something new. 

I don't think it's a skillset exactly (although manly men who can change a tire, fix a leaky sink, not afraid to get dirty, has his own place, own car, a job, etc are more attractive & I think most men should be well versed in this area). A man needs to be confidant in himself, who he is, what he likes- and the confidence I think is what most women are attracted to. & Even if he isn't particularly confidant, women love honest men that _know_ what they want and aren't afraid to be themselves. 

In closing, I would say be yourself. Have a job. Have a passion. Be able to add something to her life. The same as you would expect her to add to yours.
I know that's cliche but being yourself is being honest- and that genuineness is attractive.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

MaggieMay said:


> I find personal hobbies far more attractive than social, personally. It's about the drive/passion behind the hobby. So regardless if a man happens to be into car mechanics or reading- if there's passion behind it I will find it appealing. I think if you concentrate on a few central hobbies then it's not a bad thing, I think being open to trying new things is important but I think even more so it is important to have one interest/hobby you can share with someone else- painting, sports, knowledge, ect. so the person you are interested in can have a way to bond if you don't already have mutual hobbies. Plus it's cool to watch people in their own element teaching you something new.
> 
> I don't think it's a skillset exactly (although manly men who can change a tire, fix a leaky sink, not afraid to get dirty, has his own place, own car, a job, etc are more attractive & I think most men should be well versed in this area). A man needs to be confidant in himself, who he is, what he likes- and the confidence I think is what most women are attracted to. & Even if he isn't particularly confidant, women love honest men that _know_ what they want and aren't afraid to be themselves.
> 
> ...


Wow that's very freeing. If this is true, then I can essentially do whatever I genuinely enjoy.


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## Lollapalooza (Nov 26, 2016)

Sylarv said:


> Wow that's very freeing. If this is true, then I can essentially do whatever I genuinely enjoy.


You can always do what you genuinely enjoy, in spite of what other people think. 
There's never a solid answer to this kind of questions. Don't cry after people who don't like what you do.


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## Mmmm (Jul 6, 2012)

I find anyone who wants to expand their horizons, interesting. Some of the hobbies I enjoy myself is photography, painting, & travel. I don't think it matters what a man's interest are as long as it's balanced. When a hobby becomes an addiction it can be problematic. For example if playing video games is taking up excessive hours from someone's day/night, it's not appealing. There's nothing wrong with having just one or two hobbies, whatever you enjoy is key. I will either find common interest in shared hobbies or take an interest in something new.

As far as skills or accomplishments, I would say maturity is attractive. Someone who is confident, respectful, & knows what they want out of life.

On the other hand, I find these things to be very unattractive: laziness, lack of hygiene, immaturity, lack of motivation, rudeness, & a bad temper.


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## BlackLikeMySoul (Sep 7, 2015)

I prefer a man to have some sort of hobby that takes him away from me for a while, but it doesn't have to be a social thing. As long as it is a healthy hobby (not like excessive drinking or something kinda criminal) it can be basically anything. Most important thing is that it is something he does without me, and it gives us some times apart. 

That being said, overly social people just doesn't agree with me, so if his hobby is some sort of extremely social thing, his personality will probably be likewise and I won't be interested.

I don't really become attracted to any particular type of skill, but maturity is a big thing for me. I don't deal with games and stuff, so if a guy can just sit down and talk about whatever is bothering him or whatever he is feeling in a calm and constructive manner, I find that very attractive. I guess this kinda also has a connection with confidence - he must be confident enough to speak his own mind, yet mature enough to do it in a proper way, and willing/able to have debates without fighting. INTP panty dropper...


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I agree about the personal hobbies being more attractive than social hobbies. Thats just me tho. Most of my own hobbies aside from a few exceptions are personal. I think its a huge reason I have a hard time connecting with peers. I usually think most social hobbies can just involve alot of BS. But what I will say is I like if the person can be dynamic and participate in new things with a group when it arises. But yeah no need to hunt down social hobbies in my opinion. 

The most fun I ever had in a relationship was with my ex hubs and it was mostly built around our individual hobbies complimenting each other. Before our relationship went down the toilet we would spend hours working on projects in the shop. I often worked out basic design concepts and he would craft features. Was tons of fun. I actually miss that alot. We were like shop buddies and we would talk for hours. Obviously make sure when you tie yourself down that you both are suited. But I would say the connection he and I had as far as truly enjoying working with each other and bonding over accenting each other is something that should just be sought in any relationship. We crafted alot of stuff together. I just think if you stay passionate about your own interests you would be more inclined to attract someone who might compliment that rather than compromise it too much.

But this opinion probably depends on the girls youre attracting. My Enfp friend tends to prefer social hobbies for example its how she bonds with many people and she often goes for alternative, artsy, douchebags so point women all like different things. Anyways she herself has candidly said she does not have 'hobbies' in the sense of explaining personal interest. And it occured to her when she was creating dating profiles. So she literally sought to create hobbies at 30 years old. Um I just assume you do not want to create a hobby at 30 out of thin air? I am sure in her case its because she has possibly been too group oriented in this way and did not ever cultivate her own interests. She is very versatile and can adjust to everyone else. But if you can imagine how awkward it is for a 30 something to say they have very little to no hobbies. Shrugs. 

Just embrace what you enjoy that is what a hobby is. But be willing to join in other things when a situation calls for it.


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## Ultio (Nov 22, 2016)

Why pick a hobby based on what's attractive to girl? Do it because you love it or don't do it at all! Life is too short.


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## RansomthePasserby (Sep 26, 2015)

Don't play that game. A man does what a man wants to do. Doing what you like is the best way to find a girl who's actually interested in _you._


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

RansomthePasserby said:


> Don't play that game. A man does what a man wants to do. Doing what you like is the best way to find a girl who's actually interested in _you._


_who's actually interested in *me*._


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Ultio said:


> Why pick a hobby based on what's attractive to girl? Do it because you love it or don't do it at all! Life is too short.


In order to increase the chances of not repelling women

I gotta figure out _some _way haha


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

My initial reaction to this thread title was WTF. Then I realised its a Sylarv thread and went. Oh...


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## Dante Scioli (Sep 3, 2012)

Sylarv said:


> _who's actually interested in *me*._


Stop that attitude man. That public self-pitying thing you do is probably the least attractive thing about you. I would bet money on it.

It's true, some women foolishly indulge and even reward that kind of sniveling (for a while), but believe me when I say that no women like it. That's because nobody respects it.

Find something to like about yourself and cultivate it. Then go find a girl _you_ like and try to show her that side of you. There's absolutely nothing to like about you, you say? Then make something.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

EndsOfTheEarth said:


> My initial reaction to this thread title was WTF. Then I realised its a Sylarv thread and went. Oh...


Haha. Oh damn I got a rep now.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Dante Scioli said:


> It's true, some women foolishly indulge and even reward that kind of sniveling (for a while), but believe me when I say that no women like it. That's because nobody respects it.


Unless one of your hobbies is stand-up?


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## Mmmm (Jul 6, 2012)

Sylarv said:


> In order to increase the chances of not repelling women
> 
> I gotta figure out _some _way haha


I really have a hard time believing you could repel women. I have seen your selfies & you are a good looking guy. You probably just lack self confidence. If you do something you enjoy than that will be evident & hopefully give you the boost you need. Don't be so self depreciating, I'm sure there's a woman out there that will love you for who you are. :wink:


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

Mmmm said:


> Don't be so self depreciating,


OPs biggest flaw I've seen. Fix this first. Then look into trying new things for fun and only for fun.


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## olonny (Jun 9, 2014)

Sylarv said:


> What kind of skills or hobbies or interests make you more attracted to a guy? Should a man be choosing more social hobbies, or can more solitary hobbies and interests also be attractive?
> 
> Should a man have a variety of interests or is it OK if he is a little one dimensionally focused on one or two things?
> 
> Is there some level of skills or accomplishments that a man needs before he can be attractive?


- anything related to intelligence. 

- variety is great, but passion and dedication is also attractive. So as long as it's a smart-kind of interest, I really don't care.

- skills related to intelligence!


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## Shiver (Nov 10, 2016)

Something that isn't massively stereotypical and dull.

"Oh, you're into cars and football? How unique."

Of course people are perfectly fine engaging whatever they have an interest in for the pursuit of happiness, but I don't consider myself an "average" person and am not really interested in one. Engage my mind or drive me away with boredom.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

Sylarv said:


> In order to increase the chances of not repelling women
> 
> I gotta figure out _some _way haha


I know it's difficult to avoid doing because it's likely been drilled into your brain since birth but don't kowtow to women.

And develop some self-esteem


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Jamaia said:


> Hey, I don't think anyone on PerC will read this and think you're revealing something you haven't already or that you've embarrassed yourself in any way. People here are pretty good at figuring you out even when you don't think you're that raw. Sorry that I put you on the spot when you didn't ask for it, I really wanted to just slap you for not understanding what people keep telling you (in this thread too), but it was inconvenient because of the distance plus I hear it's not PC for women to slap men anymore, so I slapped you like this. I don't know what to do now. You don't think you're intelligent, kind? You're good looking and young and healthy, aren't you? You'd be a loyal and loving partner to someone. You have your life together. If you objectively compare yourself to people who are in relationships, how are you worse?





> You don't think you're intelligent, kind?


Maybe somewhat, but let's be real, I never met a girl who cared about that. Not for dating. I just come off like a nerd. It has no appeal. I've had girls tell me I'm impressive, and it doesn't mean anything.



> You're good looking and young and healthy, aren't you?


That's a very generous statement. You are nice. I would not class myself as goodlooking, no.



> If you objectively compare yourself to people who are in relationships, how are you worse?


Most men my age are more attractive, in better shape, are more charming/seductive/manly.


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## Epic Love (Dec 30, 2016)

Solitary hobbys. I kinda am not into a guy that would always wanna be out and about and with other people. The ineterests in general do not matter if the guy and I have them in common or if they are just guy things like sports for example, or cars. I'm not very intersted in either but for my boyfriend I got to know the baisc rules and ask him if his favorites won the game, watch the game with him if we're together at this time and am happy if his favorites have won. So in general the interest itself doesn't matter much. I do prefer guys who are into more than one, or two things. It doesn't have to be extrene, like doing it every day, but je should have more interests and topics to share and discuss with me.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Ahhh I dunno


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## Mmmm (Jul 6, 2012)

Sylarv said:


> Maybe somewhat, but let's be real, I never met a girl who cared about that. Not for dating. I just come off like a nerd. It has no appeal. I've had girls tell me I'm impressive, and it doesn't mean anything.
> That's a very generous statement. You are nice. I would not class myself as goodlooking, no. Not at all. I'm also not lean.
> Most men my age are more attractive, in better shape, have more money, are more charming/seductive/manly. I would say.


I think you are way too hard on yourself. I already mentioned you are a good looking guy & I don't have any reason to lie. There's always going to be someone that you think is better than you, & someone who is not. That's just life, we can't be the best at everything. Take the compliments that are given to heart, if someone said you are "impressive" believe it. And some of us really like nerds, because we are nerds too.

Work on being the best _you_ which is what you are trying to do. I really think working on your confidence & self-esteem issues first is the priority. You have to love & be happy with yourself before you can love & be happy with someone else. I think you would benefit from seeing a mental health counselor to help you achieve this. I read in one of your post about your childhood & that's probably why you feel so unlovable. 

I promise that being "in shape, more attractive, more money, charming, manly" doesn't matter. What counts is how you see yourself because that's what you will project. And just because a couple of relationships didn't work out it doesn't mean that future ones won't be successful. My advice is love yourself unconditionally! I'm not telling you anything that I haven't told myself.


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## Misaki (Feb 1, 2015)

I tend to find the passion behind one's interests, skills, and hobbies more attractive than those things themselves. That strong drive is appealing, and I find myself so interested in understanding how it came to be. 

What a person does certainly matters, but more emphasis seems to be placed on what and how they think. An ability to communicate that confidently is something I find charismatic. Being able to follow through and realize one's dreams is also an important skill.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

I didn't realize I'd already posted a response @Sylarv, I edited it thinking it wasn't out yet, before I noticed the conversation had gone on. I think you're starting to close up again, I'm sorry for pushing this but I think it's important.


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## desert lynx (Apr 11, 2012)

Anyone else get a little thrown off when someone asks about your "hobbies"? I always feel like awkwardly answering "uhhh...I don't have any" since I don't have a stamp collection or build model airplanes. 

But if someone asks me what fun stuff I do with my free time--I play on sports leagues, and I'm active in my church, I play an instrument, throw parties and cook for them, wine tasting, ballroom dance, travel, running, biking, the list goes on. I own both a house and a car, so I usually fix stuff myself when it breaks, but I don't consider that a "hobby" either.

I also don't see any problem with trying out some stuff that girls might find attractive. That was one of my motivations to taking ballroom dance lessons, and guess what--I loved it and continued for years. Cooking?--Also generally attractive. I've even considered learning some basic massage therapy techniques because 1) I think it would be really fun to learn, and 2) After a particularly rough day at work, I bet a lot of girls wouldn't mind hearing "Hey sweetheart, dinner's in the oven, here's a glass of wine, and would you let me rub your feet while you tell me about your day?"


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Sylarv said:


> I've always wanted to be able to play piano.


I say go for it, since learning an instrument has lots of positive side effects (according to science haha). I think it also challenges your brain to get over itself or something haha. Because basically you (well, most normal people anyway) have to put in work to develop the skills and inherently suck lol. (I don't play piano but I learned guitar when I was about 18-19.) 

Also, I want to point out, IMO there should be a distinction between doing something simply to change for someone else, vs. because you genuinely want to do it/see it as a self-improvement goal which also would be seen as a positive to someone else. Changing for someone else vs oneself don't have to be opposing goals.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I'm ultimately more interested in his personal qualities and our dynamic than hobbies. The closest thing I have to a hobby is typology...I mean, I sketch and am an avid music fan, but I don't really have an _activity_ I am SO into that it defines me. I have _interests_ more than hobbies. 

I like art, music and literature. A guy doesn't have to be as into those things as I am, but I'd prefer he have some appreciation for these things. I like going to concerts and art museums/galleries. Interest in food and travel is good too, because I like that stuff. If someone has an aversion to culture, then he probably won't get me. I don't think I actually want someone as arty farty as me though. 

Anything intellectual will probably interest me. I definitely like brainy people. 

I've probably watched too much HGTV over the years, but I think doing hands-on home improvement projects is attractive. I like the idea of renovating a house together. I don't really know why....probably some desire to create a unique sanctuary for myself, but not being very handy. I do have a sense of aesthetics, so collaboration would be good.

Stereotypical man interests like sports or video games are fine as long as he's balanced about it and I am not expected to care. I will go to a game here and there. Whatever. I don't really want a man who is into, say, fashion like I am. We don't need to share everything. 

I would like to have my horizons expanded, however, so I am open to new things. I like nature, but haven't pursued involvement with it thus far. I have no good childhood memories of camping, and so I can't say I'm eager to try it as an adult. I think someone who was into, say, hiking or cycling or another -ing activity may be cool. I like to workout too, so some interest in fitness is good.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Jamaia said:


> Hey, I don't think anyone on PerC will read this and think you're revealing something you haven't already or that you've embarrassed yourself in any way. People here are pretty good at figuring you out even when you don't think you're that raw. Sorry that I put you on the spot when you didn't ask for it, I really wanted to just slap you for not understanding what people keep telling you (in this thread too), but it was inconvenient because of the distance plus I hear it's not PC for women to slap men anymore, so I impulsively slapped you like that.
> 
> I don't know what to do now to be honest.
> 
> ...





> Sorry that I put you on the spot when you didn't ask for it, I really wanted to just slap you for not understanding what people keep telling you (in this thread too),


It's all good. Thanks for caring. 



> Like let's say you had learned to play piano and really liked to play, but thought no woman would think it's attractive because everyone wants a guy who plays a guitar


I would probably just hide it. That's how I deal with my lame interests. 



> Who is the girl who wanted someone like the original you then going to date?


That's an interesting way to look at it, but I would think she would have an infinite supply of men to choose from at the drop of a hat. 

I'll entertain the notion that there's a girl out there who just so happens to like a guy like me, and who is the kind of girl that I like. She must be an exceedingly rare girl, and I doubt I would ever meet her, and if I did, what are the chances she'd find _me _attractive? She'd also be the kind of girl who can get guys with ease. What chance do I have?


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## RansomthePasserby (Sep 26, 2015)

OrangeAppled said:


> The closest thing I have to a hobby is typology...I mean, I sketch and am an avid music fan, but I don't really have an _activity_ I am SO into that it defines me. I have _interests_ more than hobbies.


I'm the same. I actually very much dislike the idea that people *must* have hobbies. I have long term life goals, career goals, and physical exercise goals, and that's where most of my energy and time is spent. Yes, I like to sketch, paint, play music, and do activities with others every once in a while to relax. However, I've found real hobbies are just wasted time and effort.

That's just my point of view, though. I'm not knocking people who have hobbies. If you enjoy it, more power to you.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

RansomthePasserby said:


> I'm the same. I actually very much dislike the idea that people *must* have hobbies. I have long term life goals, career goals, and physical exercise goals, and that's where most of my energy and time is spent. Yes, I like to sketch, paint, play music, and do activities with others every once in a while to relax. However, I've found real hobbies are just wasted time and effort.
> 
> That's just my point of view, though. I'm not knocking people who have hobbies. If you enjoy it, more power to you.


Do you find this negatively effects your ability to be attractive to women?


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## RansomthePasserby (Sep 26, 2015)

Sylarv said:


> Do you find this negatively effects your ability to be attractive to women?


No. Women are attracted to deeper qualities like confidence, passion, intelligence, strength, solid character, and integrity. If your hobby is helping you build those things, go for it. Otherwise it's just what you do in your free time and women (and people in general) largely do not care.


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## Anni415 (Jul 26, 2016)

RansomthePasserby said:


> No. Women are attracted to deeper qualities like confidence, passion, intelligence, strength, solid character, and integrity. If your hobby is helping you build those things, go for it. Otherwise it's just what you do in your free time and women (and people in general) largely do not care.


I disagree. Having a few interests in common is incredibly attractive. Also necessary so that you can have engaging discussions. However this depends entirely on the individual. If you know the type of personality of the person you will be able to access compatibility with yourself. Mbti comes into this as well as other observable details which indicate general interests. Temperment is important too.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Sylarv said:


> It's all good. Thanks for caring.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You edited your response but I did catch a previous version. I agree it's a cruel joke, but every one deals with it, even those who say they don't care what others think. Whenever you reveal something, make a stand, have an opinion, someone is going to disagree or not like it. You risk alienating some people, but on the other hand, the same thing will attract other people. If you avoid and hide all things that could alienate someone, you end up attracting no one. You think you can pick up new skills (sure you can) and just change as much as possible and hide the rest, but the thing is it's draining to keep up an act. You wouldn't be able to do it confidently (key word) and with passion, you'd second guess yourself (what if you've gotten something wrong), you'd be oversensitive to (any perceived) criticism, and sad for not getting to do what interests you.

Or, actually, you might attract someone to whom you only have value for what you can do for them, as a non-individual who fills the slot of a generic bf, you'd only have use value. 

Of course, if the problem is more that you're extremely picky... Particularly if you're only attracted to girls who... gasp, don't like any of the things you like. That makes sense, why would you be attracted to someone you perceive to be uncool, and if you're certain all your interests are uncool, then... yeah you're screwed.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Jamaia said:


> You edited your response but I did catch a previous version. I agree it's a cruel joke, but every one deals with it, even those who say they don't care what others think. Whenever you reveal something, make a stand, have an opinion, someone is going to disagree or not like it. You risk alienating some people, but on the other hand, the same thing will attract other people. If you avoid and hide all things that could alienate someone, you end up attracting no one. You think you can pick up new skills (sure you can) and just change as much as possible and hide the rest, but the thing is it's draining to keep up an act. You wouldn't be able to do it confidently (key word) and with passion, you'd second guess yourself (what if you've gotten something wrong), you'd be oversensitive to (any perceived) criticism, and sad for not getting to do what interests you.
> 
> Or, actually, you might attract someone to whom you only have value for what you can do for them, as a non-individual who fills the slot of a generic bf, you'd only have use value.





> Of course, if the problem is more that you're extremely picky... Particularly if you're only attracted to girls who... gasp, don't like any of the things you like. That makes sense, why would you be attracted to someone you perceive to be uncool, and if you're certain all your interests are uncool, then... yeah you're screwed.


Nah I like unicorns too. Nothing like that. I don't really care what a girl is interested in either way. But I'm extra attracted to girls who like things I like. That's a bonus. If they are cute and into nerdy things I think that's really cool. They are very rare so I call them unicorns. My ex was into math and we occasionally did some math together for fun, it was so cool!!! She was more intelligent than me, to be honest. And I loved it. I never had to slow down with her. Such girls are unicorns, so I am not thinking about them when I think about appealing to girls. You can't get them. What I mean is a lot of things I'm interested in are lame to most other people and especially to women. They are not lame to me! I think they're awesome. They just have negative cool factor in the social sense.

I think I have relatable interests. I enjoy music and movies like normal people, etc.

Thanks for the advice. I suppose I can try cool things and take them up if I genuinely enjoy them. I mean I have always had an interest in piano, there's one thing, and I like the idea of learning to dance. I wouldn't mind doing comedy either. I have always enjoyed making people laugh. When I was a kid I wanted to be a comedian. Something is likely stick. And then I'll have at least one thing. 

Because you know... Why should the artsy touchey feely guys get all the girls just because they like things naturally that girls find hot?  I refuse to accept my fate. lol

Come to think of it, I should learn photography. Haha. Half the girls I follow on instagram are dating photographers  (Maybe not half but it's pretty ridiculous)


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## RansomthePasserby (Sep 26, 2015)

Anni415 said:


> I disagree. Having a few interests in common is incredibly attractive. Also necessary so that you can have engaging discussions. However this depends entirely on the individual. If you know the type of personality of the person you will be able to access compatibility with yourself. Mbti comes into this as well as other observable details which indicate general interests. Temperment is important too.


Of course, having interests in common is very important. It doesn't have to be hobbies, though. Hobbies are relatively weak links between people, because they're fairly shallow and easy to pick up and drop. I am a reformed Christian, college educated, part of the "Creative Class," etc., and I attract and am attracted to similar women.

Find out who you are and attract people that way. Yes, broaden your horizons and try different hobbies and skills, but only do it because _you_ want to. Don't just get into things because you think it'll give you what other people want to hear. That's just needy, and neediness is not attractive.


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## Anni415 (Jul 26, 2016)

RansomthePasserby said:


> Of course, having interests in common is very important. It doesn't have to be hobbies, though. Hobbies are relatively weak links between people, because they're fairly shallow and easy to pick up and drop. I am a reformed Christian, college educated, part of the "Creative Class," etc., and I attract and am attracted to similar women.
> 
> Find out who you are and attract people that way. Yes, broaden your horizons and try different hobbies and skills, but only do it because _you_ want to. Don't just get into things because you think it'll give you what other people want to hear. That's just needy, and neediness is not attractive.


I suppose I see them as almost one of the same. Also many people would list their interests/hobbies and strictly speaking this would only include hobbies such as sports or computer games.


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## RansomthePasserby (Sep 26, 2015)

Anni415 said:


> I suppose I see them as almost one of the same. Also many people would list their interests/hobbies and strictly speaking this would only include hobbies such as sports or computer games.


Right, sports and hobbies like video games are things I would place in the "physical upkeep/do for fun/relax in my free time" column, but not real interests. Similar to taking a nice warm shower or getting a massage. That's my personal preference, though, and I probably wouldn't match well with someone who is seriously interested in those types of things.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Sylarv said:


> Nah I like unicorns too. Nothing like that. I don't really care what a girl is interested in either way. But I'm extra attracted to girls who like things I like. That's a bonus. If they are cute and into nerdy things I think that's really cool. They are very rare so I call them unicorns. My ex was into math and we occasionally did some math together for fun, it was so cool!!! She was more intelligent than me, to be honest. And I loved it. I never had to slow down with her. Such girls are unicorns, so I am not thinking about them when I think about appealing to girls. You can't get them. What I mean is a lot of things I'm interested in are lame to most other people and especially to women. They are not lame to me! I think they're awesome. They just have negative cool factor in the social sense.


Laughing so hard at the added "cute" . Ok, fair enough, but you don't need a girl who is cute and into maths, you can just get a cute girl who doesn't diss you for being into maths. A lot of girls who themselves don't care about maths would not have an opinion on what it means for a guy to be into maths but they will accept your own opinion of you being into maths, in which case if you're being self-deprecating about it they might just accept that and they might admire someone else for the same thing just because the other guy had confidence and believed that he had some valuable skills without overcompensating and overcomplicating the issue. I mean this in the normal context where the studies or work or particular abilities might naturally come up, not if he is walking around lecturing people on functional analysis and spectral theorem, demanding attention and respect for something no one really cares to hear about. You see the difference I'm sure. Confident people don't need to advertise and they can laugh at themselves while still being loyal to their path. 

People don't need to know and understand everything that you do and they don't need to agree with your approach even, but if you have integrity and value yourself, they'll respect you for it. 




> I think I have relatable interests. I enjoy music and movies like normal people, etc.
> 
> Thanks for the advice. I suppose I can try cool things and take them up if I genuinely enjoy them. I mean I have always had an interest in piano, there's one thing, and I like the idea of learning to dance. I wouldn't mind doing comedy either. I have always enjoyed making people laugh. When I was a kid I wanted to be a comedian. Something is likely stick. And then I'll have at least one thing.
> 
> ...


The advice was supposed to be that what ever you do, you should not be ashamed for it because it will convey the wrong message, insecurity and desperately seeking validation. You are validated enough by your own judgement on how you're working on improving and how driven you are to get deeper into what ever it is you're working on. You don't have to blurt out everything ofc but if things come up naturally you should just own it. Just own it.

I think dancing will be good.


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