# Why am do I hate my parents getting close to me?!



## mrgreendots (May 21, 2011)

I don't get why I feel that way, but I hate having any kind of physical contact with my parents, it feels disgusting and weird and I feel terrible for saying that.

When I was around 4 or 5 years old I kept being harassed by kids in the neighborhood, then one time got molested by a teenage girl (just kissing though nothing severe) and my sister made it clear to me that she hated me more than anything every day. I never confided in my parents or talked about my thoughts to them and I grew detached from them but I don't get why I'm practically afraid of getting close to them and on top of that my sister and I are really close now.

I don't mind being touched by people my age. It's my main language for close friends but around adults I hate it. I just don't get why I'm reacting like this, logically I should hate being touched by girls and not be able to confide in my sister right?


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## Wakachi (May 24, 2012)

Because a hug signifies a form of "no-backstab" submission. However as a child, you're already attacked by the unknowns; you don't know the motivation of those older kids who harassed you. You don't seem to fully trust your parents with your darker side even though you probably know that they don't mean harm. Within your own age group, you more or less expect similar experiences.

Secondly, your sister is also part of your parents so getting close to your parents can give this war-like feeling even if your sister doesn't care to "fight".


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

mrgreendots said:


> I don't get why I feel that way, but I hate having any kind of physical contact with my parents, it feels disgusting and weird and I feel terrible for saying that.
> 
> When I was around 4 or 5 years old I kept being harassed by kids in the neighborhood, then one time got molested by a teenage girl (just kissing though nothing severe) and my sister made it clear to me that she hated me more than anything every day. I never confided in my parents or talked about my thoughts to them and I grew detached from them but I don't get why I'm practically afraid of getting close to them and on top of that my sister and I are really close now.
> 
> I don't mind being touched by people my age. It's my main language for close friends but around adults I hate it. I just don't get why I'm reacting like this, logically I should hate being touched by girls and not be able to confide in my sister right?


There's nothing wrong with feeling that way, and I think that since you listed quite a few reasons why you were negatively impacted, both physically and emotionally, you alr
eady know why you do things the way you do.

The question is, do you want to change it?

I think my own mother put it best, when I, as a crazy 3-year-old, would run up and hug strangers, and climb over them, with no perception of personal space.

She said, ''Suzetta-Anne-Marie-Lipenstein, people have 'bubbles' around them, that indicate how much personal space they need. Some people just don't like their bubbles to be 'invaded'. That's like _popping _their bubbles, and hurting them. This is why you must always ask for a hug from someone before you take it.''

So. Tell your family that you'd appreciate it if they would ask first, because right now you're working out personal space issues. I know you might be afraid that you have intimacy issues or something, but with enough love and support from your family, I'm sure that you'll either grow to enjoy this kind of affection, or you will only let certain people in, until you trust them enough. Just make your boundaries clear, and people will respect that.

I hope this helps.

Oh, and if they _don't _respect that? They don't deserve a hug.


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## Wakachi (May 24, 2012)

Word Dispenser said:


> Oh, and if they _don't _respect that? They don't deserve a hug.


Badass quote of the day.


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## mrgreendots (May 21, 2011)

Word Dispenser said:


> The question is, do you want to change it?


Thing is, I don't really want to change it either. It's not like I chose to feel about them how I do, I just can't imagine getting any closer to them.


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## mrgreendots (May 21, 2011)

Wakachi said:


> Because a hug signifies a form of "no-backstab" submission. However as a child, you're already attacked by the unknowns; you don't know the motivation of those older kids who harassed you. You don't seem to fully trust your parents with your darker side even though you probably know that they don't mean harm. Within your own age group, you more or less expect similar experiences.
> 
> Secondly, your sister is also part of your parents so getting close to your parents can give this war-like feeling even if your sister doesn't care to "fight".


I'm not sure I understand what you mean by the age group and sister thing...


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

mrgreendots said:


> Thing is, I don't really want to change it either. It's not like I chose to feel about them how I do, I just can't imagine getting any closer to them.


And hey, that's okay. 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

Some people are uncomfortable with outward, physical displays of affection. You express yourself differently, likely because you're very sensitive to touch. It's more than just an invasion of space, it's like an overwhelming of the senses. Don't let it bother you. Be sure to make this clear to other people.

This kinda makes me feel bad, 'cause I've always been a big hugger, and I'd always forget the people who didn't want a hug and end up halfway into a hug before remembering. Oops.


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