# Chameleon or just confused? INFJ, ISFP, ISTJ? Know the tests too well now...



## pianoteachermom (Feb 9, 2012)

Hi There! Haven't been here in ages and was thinking about personality types and trying to understand myself and family/friends better, and how to help them understand me. This led me back to PerC.  I found a questionnaire here and did my best to answer all the questions. What do you think? Is there a chameleon type? LOL I can imagine identifying with several types, and wonder if I am seriously lacking in self-awareness... 

*1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?*

I've taken the Kiersey sorter many many times over the past 20 years (I am Gen X -- graduated college in the early 90s), and although it was stable at ENFP during college (I was a music major), it has changed a few times since marriage and kids. Since college I've tested as INFJ, ISFP, and today, ISTJ. Good grief! 

The only thing I am sure of is I vs. E. 

My Enneagram is 5w4 -- I am not very well-educated on what this means...yet!


*2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?*

I want to feel less like a misfit. I yearn for time to myself when I can think and relax -- without looking at the clock as I do all day. I want to excel in my field and get a little acknowledgement for my accomplishments. That sounds awfully self-involved, doesn't it? :/ 

*3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.*

I actually felt I was at my finest way back in college preparing for my music ed. degree. In my solo recital before graduating, everything felt like it was in slow-motion, but in a good way. I was in complete control of the performance and wasn't even nervous (just good nerves). It was amazing and I haven't felt as confident ever since. My private teacher was so positive and encouraging... I didn't know any better than to be confident. I was one of the big fish in a small pond. That was short-lived, as I was a bit behind the curve in grad school, and with a less-encouraging teacher. Ah, well. 

Achieving goals and being recognized by people I look up to makes me feel good about myself. I guess I need to have external motivation, although I do a lot of little things just because, even if no one will notice or care.

*4) What makes you feel inferior?*

Let's see, hearing people my age with far greater musical skills play my favorite pieces.  I don't actually have much of an issue with feeling inferior...I already know I am different.

*5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)*

I think about what immediate impact a decision will have on myself, family, friends, etc. Usually I also consider logistics and time frames. Sometimes I will base a decision purely on selfish reasons/feelings, but then I will feel very guilty and not enjoy the results of the decision, so I try to avoid doing that.

*6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?*

Yes, I like to know exactly what is expected and to control how a project is carried out. My emphasis is usually on quality and efficiency, or in the case of something for my students, usefulness and effectiveness (and fun!). 

*7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it? *

I guess one example is going to hear professional musical performances when we took an overseas trip many years ago. It was very cool. Funny thing is, that's when I discovered that I cry when I hear excellent live music... now I am like a spigot, LOL. After that trip, I got rather impulsive, quit my job in IT and started teaching music again. 

Day-to-day I have a lot of fun playing Mad-Libs with my 8- and 5-year old kids. They are a riot. 

*8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc)*

I need to see how it is done, then rehearse doing it in my mind. Then I can sit down and try it out. When I was learning to make little bags/purses, I went through the entire process of sewing in a zipper *in my head* after watching a couple of tutorials. Then I sat down at the machine and did it. It was a little tricky, but I got it the first try. If I can imagine it, I can usually do some task or activity. If my brain's not into it, probably not going to happen. I memorize music very easily, too, and with my students' easier pieces, I can sit down and play them from memory without having played them with the book ever.

*9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?*

Clutter makes me feel disorganized, and I have too much stuff, so I feel disorganized a lot! However, I can find anything pretty quickly, and do try to have designated areas for certain items. It bugs me when our pantry is in disarray because someone has put baking goods on the canned goods shelf, etc. I just "fix it" and don't say anything. I've been using a Franklin Planner since 1991, but as of late don't have much to write in it, so it serves as more of a calendar. If I want to remember something, I just have to write it down somewhere. If I dial a phone number (so rare these days!) it is usually memorized. 

Anyone in the house who wants to find something just asks me, and I will say where it is. Gets a little exhausting, but oh well. It's a talent, LOL! 

*10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?*

I like to see it in action or compare it with a tried-and-true idea in an existing framework. If it works, great! If not, I will probably just ignore it. I have to say, though, that I am a little skeptical of "new" ideas. It seems that old ideas (just in general) keep getting repackaged and introduced as new. Maybe I am getting old enough to remember these ideas from my youth, and when the idea gets lots of current press, I laugh to myself and shake my head. 

*11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?*

I'm reading too much into this question, and am unsure how to answer it. What is the context?

*12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?*

This depends on the situation. If I'm offering an opinion on something that will have an effect on someone else, then I am careful to think first. I don't like to share my opinions unless I have to, unless it's just something small and not going to affect anyone else.

I prefer one-on-one to group communication. I can get up and speak in front of a group, but sharing opinions in a group setting makes me uncomfortable. I like to know where others in the group stand on an issue before we discuss (or vote on) something.

*13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words?*

I rehearse just about everything in my head before I say or do it. However, sometimes I will just jump in and try something, if no one else is looking.  Words are important for me to hear from another person, but sometimes it is easier for *me* to do something and not say anything about it. So yes, I suppose actions speak louder than words. Does that make sense?

*14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?*

Ummm... tough one. Since I am 40 and have two kids, my friends don't ever do this. Maybe 20 years ago. I would probably try to get out of it and stay home, but they would push and I'd relent. It would be fun to go out, but when I got home I would crash and go right to bed.

I don't have a favorite show, so the TV wouldn't be a big issue.

*15) How do you act when you're stressed out?*

I get a little impatient, quiet, and curt, and tend to want a little more time alone to get some perspective. I need to step back. Sometimes I will clear my schedule for the day, which I hate to do, but burnout is pretty common for piano teachers... it's a *lot* of face-to-face interaction every day, which is very draining and stressful. Some of it is good stress, but I still need to be alone to feel human again.

*16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?*

Being around personalities who seem generally oblivious is nerve-wracking to me. I dislike willful ignorance of facts, and failure to appreciate what other people may be going through. I have a difficult time liking a person who can't sympathize with others or imagine walking in their shoes. 

I also don't care much for loud talking or loud (amplified) music, and don't understand this culture's preoccupation with sports, especially for the little kids, but I realize that this isn't tied to any particular personality. 

*17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?*

Well, I like talking about my kids and whatever is going on with my husband and my teaching studio. Sometimes I can get into talking about world events and politics with my husband, but I avoid sharing my opinions. I am learning to be more assertive and not be afraid to say what I think. I have an aversion to conflict, though if it really matters I will speak up and articulate my position.

I don't like feeling "put on the spot," I suppose. Sometimes I don't want to talk at all. When I do feel like talking, any topic is usually fine.

*18) What kind of things do pay the least attention to in your life*

Probably keeping up with relatives, who almost all live far away. I pay attention to my kids, husband, and our immediate families, but beyond that, I think I may be a little neglectful.  

*19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? ? What would your friends never say about your personality ?*

My friends have said I am bubbly and always seem happy, and they seem to think I am ultra-organized and can do anything. OK, I can accept some of that....  On the other hand, when I am not smiling they ask if something is wrong. No, I'm just calm and probably thinking about something intensely (smiling is just reflexive for me when I see someone else -- my face just does it). When I was just a kid (okay, 17) a friend of the family said she saw me driving my car and just smiling away... I don't even know what she was talking about, but I guess I looked happy driving my car around town. Makes me grin thinking about her observation.

Friends also have said at times that I am "too nice" and that I need to "learn to say 'no' more often." Yep. 

I can make my friends laugh. I have a goofy sense of humor, really dry and sometimes it takes a second for them to get it. Lots of puns. DH finds them painful (his are worse).

My friends would never say I was mean or uncaring. 

OK. So inside my head is a constant running commentary, and I'm not always very happy. However, I am somewhat of a people-pleaser so maybe that's why I smile so much. When I'm alone I don't smile.

*20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?*

Playing the piano, organizing the books in my teaching space, listening to music, visiting favorite forums and sites online (mostly lurking LOL). I might even take a nap. Hey, I have two little kids. A day to myself would be bliss regardless of my activities. 

------

*Whew* that was more difficult than I'd anticipated. Here's the thing, though. If you asked me to complete this tomorrow, it might be different. I have spent so many years trying to make other people happy, that now that I am trying to figure out what I actually like and prefer, and am beginning to be able to state my own needs, it is extremely hard.

I feel like a misfit in almost every group, whether with other moms, at a party, in a meeting with colleagues, at the *mall* (yuck).... but I can sit in my little studio and make music and be just peachy, or just sit here and do nothing at all, and feel guilty when my DH mentions that we need groceries... :/

Any help? I know I may never feel like I "fit in," but it sure is nice here at PerC. Please feel free to ask me any questions. Thank you for reading this far if you've waded through my tome. I really appreciate it!


----------



## Ellis Bell (Mar 16, 2012)

Well, I couldn't tell for sure; your "voice" sounds ISTJ, but that could be a result of maturity, marriage, children, etc., where you might have unconsciously learned to develop Si-ish traits. I don't know if you're lacking in self-awareness so much as, as you mature, other functions might have become more developed. The quote below is a really good example of Si, though:



> I like to see it in action or compare it with a tried-and-true idea in an existing framework. If it works, great! If not, I will probably just ignore it. I have to say, though, that I am a little skeptical of "new" ideas. It seems that old ideas (just in general) keep getting repackaged and introduced as new. Maybe I am getting old enough to remember these ideas from my youth, and when the idea gets lots of current press, I laugh to myself and shake my head.


I think the thing about Si is that it doesn't have to be about rejecting the new; it can be about building upon and improving what's already there, which is what younger Si people are so good at doing. 

Have you considered type 4w3 as your E type, though? Although this questionnaire wasn't designed to test for Ennneagram, I'm not getting much of a 5-ish vibe from you. You've mentioned feeling like a "misfit" a couple of times and felling "different" or that you don't fit in, which is why I think 4; and the 3w because you place a bit of emphasis on wanting acknowledgement for accomplishments and achieving goals.

Sorry I can't be more specific...


----------



## pianoteachermom (Feb 9, 2012)

Thank you for replying! I will have to read the 4w3 E type description again. The last few times I took the quiz the result was a 5. Today I got this trifix: 5w6, 9w1, 3w2. 

I do suspect that being 40 and going through school/career/marriage/kids has resulted in my maturing in some healthy *and* unhealthy ways. I had a major period of burnout and stress last February, and am now in individual counseling, which is very strange to me. I feel like I am bugging my counselor, like I shouldn't be wasting her time. She says I use laughter as a cover, which is definitely true. It's my defense mechanism. When I go in, I always want to hear how her week has been. I guess that's the counselor in me.


----------



## pianoteachermom (Feb 9, 2012)

After reading several of the descriptions on this site, I can definitely relate to the 5 type more than 4, but I will keep considering this. 

The vending machine story in the "head types" paragraph here: http://personalitycafe.com/enneagram-personality-theory-forum/5824-enneagram-triads.html is uncannily true for me. I am a planner. As an example, I like to know which lane to be in on the freeway five miles before it matters (I may be exaggerating a *little* bit). Then I memorize which lane goes straight through when I am driving back home or wherever I frequent, so as to not have to change lanes near the interchanges. Goofy, I know. I get anxious when my DH is driving and is in the "wrong" lane with under a mile to go. I can't help it. *sigh*


----------



## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

pianoteachermom said:


> Hi There! Haven't been here in ages and was thinking about personality types and trying to understand myself and family/friends better, and how to help them understand me. This led me back to PerC.  I found a questionnaire here and did my best to answer all the questions. What do you think? Is there a chameleon type? LOL I can imagine identifying with several types, and wonder if I am seriously lacking in self-awareness...


Type 9 in enneagram has chameleonic properties. 
You can try determining your type via your inferior function. INFJs have inferior Se, ISTJ has inferior Ne, ISFP has in inferior Te: *Form of Inferior*


----------



## pianoteachermom (Feb 9, 2012)

cyamitide said:


> Type 9 in enneagram has chameleonic properties.
> You can try determining your type via your inferior function. INFJs have inferior Se, ISTJ has inferior Ne, ISFP has in inferior Te: *Form of Inferior*


Thanks! The '16types' site was helpful. When I am stressed out, I think I process through inferior Se. 

As far as E types, the 5w4 still resonates with me the most.


----------



## pianoteachermom (Feb 9, 2012)

Well, this article is pretty much an exact description of me as a child: http://personalitycafe.com/intj-articles/14613-development-intj-children.html. It's uncannily accurate. I don't know if I would have survived being in seven different elementary schools if I hadn't been such an independent-minded child. (Nothing too odd, just job transfers, but it was too frequent).

I'm still open to suggestions, but am going to do more reading on INTJ/INFJ now. My parents are ENFP and ISTJ (or they were when they last tested forever ago, but they also have some issues that cause them to project their 'stuff' onto me, so I have to find my own way in terms of typing myself. My mom insists I am just like her, but I am not even close, so I basically get no help from her in this regard. Thinking about it, I wonder if I typed as ENFP as a 20-y.o. because I was spending so much time with her then, and was trying to 'live up.')

So much to talk with my counselor about next time.


----------



## allisreal (Mar 23, 2010)

@pianoteachermom You seem to have strong Feeling and Sensation. Right now I'm thinking you're either an ESFJ or ISFJ because you seem like a heavy Si user. Did inferior Ti or Ne not seem familiar at all to you? You really dont sound like you repress Sensation at all, which is something that is by definition more symptomatic of being an Ni or Ne dominant.


----------



## pianoteachermom (Feb 9, 2012)

Thanks, @allisreal. Wow, ESFJ "in the grip" sure does sound like me as of late.... the past several years have been extremely stressful for me, and although I have been certain that social situations drain my energy, it's also possible that is a symptom of burnout alone. I'm not averse to social situations, and get pulled into leadership positions in organizations I belong to. Maybe I've started to think the inferior Ti was really dominant just from familiarity, then? 

I'll have to read more in the ESFJ forums and on the inferior functions page. I don't relate to the ISFJ descriptions...though I think they describe my MIL. That helps me understand my ESTJ husband more, and why I evidently don't meet his expectations (and I hear about it, let me tell you). I think he expects me to be more like his mom, and....I'm not! LOL.


----------



## CBC (May 9, 2011)

You sound INFJ to me, perhaps I shall come back when I have more time and explain why. Sorry, getting lazy over the holidays.


----------



## mn_shore (Jul 19, 2012)

ISFJ is my guess. You are diffidently not in the SP temperament. I'd add more to the post but I g2g.


----------



## pianoteachermom (Feb 9, 2012)

Thanks for the replies. 

I really don't think I'm a sensor type. Although I do test high on HSP screening questionnaires, so I am sensitive in general, especially my ears and nose (I can smell a cigarette from three houses away and it bugs me, so then I can't sit on the front porch dangit.) My eye-sight isn't great, but I can find my way around in the dark without bumping into things at night. Contrast this with my husband, who will bump into the same laundry basket three nights in a row (and I will lay in the bed thinking, he's going to trip over that laundry basket again...). ;P

In an argument with my husband, I will give an explanation for a statement I made just a minute before, and then he'll say something like "there is no way you thought through all of that that quickly; you are making it up." That really makes me angry because, yes, I really did think that fast and I *hate* having to explain my reasoning in concrete terms. Actually, having to explain my thoughts drives me absolutely nuts when it's just an insight. If I am teaching, that's another matter because I have learned how to break things down and clarify for a student. 

I think that the rehearsing in my mind thing has more to do with concrete tasks (like making a bag with a zipper) and less with abstract concepts. Does that make sense? 

My Fe is obviously pretty well-developed, and I think that has to do with being thrown into lots of people situations over the years, and I have learned a lot. However, I really am a thinker and not so much a feeler, though I have strong empathy. That's why the tears during the classical concert were so out of the blue for me. It's only very specific things that I will cry about, and usually it is annoying but I can't help it. Maybe that is from stress? Like I said, I had a stressful several years, but now am beginning to feel more like my old old old self. 

I guess I could accept INFJ typing, although I think I am relating more to ISTJ or INTJ.

Here are some things that I've been thinking about that might help. These are mostly actions and not necessarily how I process, but maybe they'll help. In no particular order, or I will obsess and be here literally all day:

_I prefer autonomy on the job. If I'm in a job that has a process to follow, I look for ways to improve the process. In one of my former 'lives' I was sort of reprimanded for suggesting a change and being argumentative about how we should arrange the printing/storage room to facilitate a particular weekly process. Oops. I wrote up suggested improvements to a system in another job and the person in charge of said system got really mad at me. I thought I was helping, but evidently it was this other person's job and even though I was consulting, I guess I wasn't supposed to suggest changes. Huh? OK, never mind then.

In my current job, I do lots and lots of planning ahead for the entire teaching year and for each student. I come up with routines and systems for students to follow when they practice at home. I organize local contests and do all the behind-the-scenes stuff, but hate to get up and speak in front the group on the day of the event. I can 'pass' but I don't like how it feels.

I use lots of technology in my teaching. Local Gen-Y teachers I know have told me that I use and know how to do more things with tech than even they do. I'm Gen-X and have been using computers since junior high, back when you had to do a little programming to get to play a simple game. I really enjoy finding new technologies (especially something I can install an configure to spec) and imagining how to apply them in my teaching. I have to be careful not to stray too far from the piano fundamentals, though. Right now my teaching space has a piano, two keyboards and two laptops, plus various recording equipment. It's organized chaos because of limited space.

When it's something that matters, I am meticulous in my preparation and execution. I also work very quickly. This means I tend to procrastinate, though. Usually no one says anything or complains, so it becomes cyclical.

I'm an obsessive proof-reader of things. I can't shut it off in my brain. I correct other people's grammar and spelling on Facebook *in my head* as though it matters, LOL.

As a kid, I used to win lots of spelling bees.

I wanted to be an architect before I settled on studying music in college, just because of the convenience of the school location. I knew I could be successful in either one, but I was one lazy person at the time... I recently found an old typed letter inviting me to meet with the dean of the science and tech school at a big state university where I grew up. I never met with them because we couldn't afford the room and board, even though I was offered a full scholarship. In retrospect, I feel really awful about not exploring my options there. (I think some of this has to do with my whole latch-key experience and feeling left on my own too much as a teen. Were my folks paying any attention?).

My best math subject was geometry. I placed 3rd in a statewide test at some large event... I don't know what it was, but have a little plaque in a box somewhere around here...

__I don't do sports, but I'll watch on TV.__

I can type 80 wpm and got paid to type theses and dissertations as a high school student. Does anyone hand-write stuff to have typed up any more?

On the MBTI text analyzer, I kept getting ISTJ, with ITJ very strong, but S/N very close. How does one write in an intuitive style? More metaphorically, I guess? The text I was using was from my web site and a document I wrote for our family (planning-type thing to organize my thoughts and share info with my DH), so it was pretty concrete in style.

I tried to write a mystery novel once in high school. I could see the big picture, but writing all the details was challenging and I got rather impatient.

I would think that if I was a sensor, moving frequently would have been upsetting to me as a child, but it really wasn't. I adjusted very quickly to new schools and learned that they all had different rules and procedures, which I criticized inside my head. I was really bummed out when the 5th grade I transferred to was using the same exact spelling book I'd used in 4th grade in another state. I mean, come on... shouldn't there be some consistency?_​
Let me know if you think my post is presenting a more complete picture. I'm really curious to know not just what type you think fits, but why. I'm happy to answer questions about day to day stuff, too. I'm procrastinating on taking down the Christmas tree today. Ha!


----------

