# Love Triangle: NEED HELP!



## shellter (Oct 29, 2009)

My name is shellter. I am brand new here. I need input!

I am an ENFP. In exclusive, long distance relationship w. INFP for 7 yrs. Intended to move to state of INFP partner, but was whistleblower in job (of 18 yrs), had to leave said job & move back home to regain health. Now, not able to move to be w. INFP partner. Btw, we have kick ass relationship but not able to see each other but 2 times this past 1-2 yrs.

Currently, met an INTJ when working a temporary intense work situation (up to 80hrs. wk). As an ENFP I extended myself bigtime to get to know him, as it mattered to me to have a positive work. situation. 

Now, I am completely overwhelmed & torn because my feelings for INTJ, are way beyond "friend" & in fact I've pulled back in the past due to my growing feelings for him, and have said as much to him. However, recently he contacted me to ask a question, & that's all it took for me to re-open my obsession for him. Ugh! 

I've not cheated on my INFP, & am worried sick that I'm going to fuck up! 

Complicating all of this is that I'm beginning to feel alive again (health really suffered when working previoius 18 yr. job, bullied continuously) & I'm finally exercising, feeling vibrant & sexy. In turn, it seems to make my urges worse toward INTJ.

Where does INTJ stand on all of this? I am not sure but get vibes that he's getting into me, too. Previously, we'd consult on work related scenarios, I'd provide support as he's in my home town, but is from a nearby state. I am seemingly unable to tear myself away from staying in touch w/ INTJ, very strong attraction for me!

I tried to shorten this, sorry still so long!

HELP! SOS 

Shellter


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## teflon (Jul 9, 2009)

i would talk to your long distance buddy about all this if i were you. I mean, just let him know that you're interested in seeing someone a little closer to you... you may lose him, but what exactly was there in the first place? phone conversations? a cure for boredom? 

OR This may not be the best "ethical" advice...
but what your long distance partner won't know won't hurt em. if you like the other one, see where it goes... if it's more promising then go with it, if not pretend like it never happened.


I'm not really a big fan of the whole long distance thing... so I may be a little bias...
actually, I'm not a fan of romantic relationships altogether... but still I've been in them, and i'm constantly helping my friends out.

anywho, like I said. you can either talk it out with him, or just say fuck it... what they don't know won't hurt em. You have physical needs...
I mean, how do you know he hasn't done the same to you? 

stop stressing yourself out. 
it's not that big of a deal.
especially since you're not really SEEING the long distance dude.


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## On the road to Damascus (Oct 1, 2009)

Hummmmm...this is a tough one. I would say that you might want to have a talk with your current INFP partner...you've been togther for 7 years...albeit in a long distance relationship.

Has this ever happend before to either one of you? Are you feeling the 7 year itch? How would you feel if your partner told you that they were attracted to someone else and was considering pursuing it? Would you feel overwhelmed with guilt if you did cross the line with the new INTJ interest? Does INTJ know that you are in a relationship and is pursuing you anyway? 

I'm just asking you these questions because you are probably going through them in your mind already. I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships and I could not imagine one that would endure 7 years. Maybe you have already discussed this between you and your INFP partner if this situation might arise.

Good luck!


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## shellter (Oct 29, 2009)

"On the Road to Damascus"

Thank you for your reply! To be honest, the last thing I want to do is to have a discussion about this with my INFP partner. Not a good sign, is it?!

Long distance relationships really do suck!!! We used to see each other more often when I lived closer to him. Like 2 x month & talk quite a bit on the phone.

I would feel horrible if INFP told me he was thinking of pursuing a relationship with someone else! I'd rather he told me he was having mindless sex with someone for physical release than that he cared deeply for another. We've never discussed becoming involved with anyone else while being apart from each other.

I would also feel horrible if I crossed lines with INTJ! Yet, have not been successful in staying away from him. 

INTJ does know I'm in a relationship. He recently told me he doesn't think what I have (with INFP) is a real relationship (more or less) due to the infrequency of our contact with one another. 

Again, the infrequency wasn't this bad in the past with INFP, however my geographical move & my health issues caused me to be unavailable in just about every which way to INFP. It's only very recently I am feeling like a vibrant human being again.

In the meantime, having worked an intense temp. job with INTJ for up to 80 hrs. a week, constantly brought me in INTJ's presence, & I worked very hard to make that situation workable, as we were like day & night in our styles, yet he was my one trusted co-worker/mentor in my new position. We developed an interesting friendship.

I have shared my thoughts & feelings with INTJ about my feelings for INTJ. After all, I am an ENFP! I am unsure of INTJ's intentions as he is very difficult to read. Lately, though I've been getting a vibe from him that he's not just thinking we're good friends, & that worries me even more. Trying to control my own bad urges is one thing. If he has them too, I'm screwed. Well, yah, that way, too.

This all seems beyond complicated!!! I've been going nuts about this because I have very few people I can discuss this with, & I don't do well when I can't "talk out" my difficulties. 

So, thank you all for listening to me!! I super appreciate it!!!!

shellter


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

So.... now that you're feeling better do you have any plans to be with your INFP? Out of respect for him and yourself and the other guy I suggest you decide if you want to work things out with the INFP or go on with your life. You make decisions for your life and those decisions become your life. You can choose to pursue this new love interest or not. I think it's very selfish to pursue behind your current boyfriend's back, all excuses aside. Because that's what they are, excuses. It's one thing for a long distance relationship to be a transition period until you can be with someone, but the whole point of a relationship is to be with them, isn't it? 7 years of long distance seems very extreme.


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## On the road to Damascus (Oct 1, 2009)

Mummmm...that in between place is sometimes hard to be in...a 7 year long distance relationship is very hard to manage and maintain...most people have a common objective when you are dating e.g. the ultimate goal of being together in the same geographic location or even to get married. Is an objective still in the cards for you and INFP?

Often times a personal crisis can proppel you into an intense space with someone else, especially if you do not have the immediate, close support of your partner...it looks like this has happened to you with the INTJ.

To quote you - 

"I would feel horrible if INFP told me he was thinking of pursuing a relationship with someone else! I'd rather he told me he was having mindless sex with someone for physical release than that he cared deeply for another. We've never discussed becoming involved with anyone else while being apart from each other."

Do you want to purse a relationship with INTJ or just have "mindless sex" with him for physical release? But what about afterwards? Can you risk the other 2 points of the love triangle?... meaning that maybe INTJ's intentions are more of the sex buddy variety than an actual relationship...if the the INFP finds out will this lead you guys to split up?

Tough decisions...but honesty with yourself and the other 2 points of the triangle seems like the logical approach...if you need a "break" from the long distance relationship...then tell the INFP and see how he reacts...it will take courage but maybe you both need a break from the relationship since nothing has really progressed for you guys to be truly together (in the same geographic location) for 7 years...good luck!


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## WolfXC (Aug 30, 2009)

first of all, if you do feel what you say for that INTJ , its obvious that you prefer him than the INFP, because otherwise, you (in your case, being an F, your subconscious) would not let yourself fall in love with him
it is quite clear what you want, so stop asking yourself and others
you just want to be happy with that INTJ that you love so much and at the same time do not feel guilty

you just cant have everything on this life
so you choose
if you choose to sacrify yourself to stop feeling guilt... then let me call you stupid
if you really love that INTJ, stop kicking yourself
if you want to accept that guilt game, then you have to do it in a realistic way
you will not be a whore if you leave that INFP guy
you would be a whore already for letting yourself fall in love with the last one, so what the fuck

you did choose already, so dont hurt yourself in vane


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

So the relationship with your INFP is:
-- long distance
-- 7 year duration
-- only seen each other 2 times in the last couple of years
And when you had health worries, you didn't move in with the INFP to let him look after you.

That doesn't sound like a romantic relationship to me. It sounds like a friendship.

Do you think your relationship with the INFP has gone stale? Are you interested in making it work?

If there are still romantic feelings there, and you want the relationship to work, you have got to somehow get past the distance problem. You both have to really commit to being romantic and involved in each other's lives.

But if the feelings have passed, it may be time to end it. Yes, it will be sad - but it doesn't make you a bad person. Change is a part of life. Perhaps your happiness will be best found with the INTJ. You will have to choose.

I recommend you choose soon, for your own peace of mind. Whichever option you choose, there will be consequences. Try not to worry too much about what might happen, just know that you can get through it and be happy again.

Good luck.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

If you've already made it seven years without regular contact and have made it that entire time without having unfaithful thoughts, it seems tragic to throw away that kind of commitment just because someone new lives closer. I'm in a long-distance relationship right now, and not being able to hug my partner whenever either of us needs comforting is very difficult. I understand the temptation to seek that comfort elsewhere, especially if you have an intense connection with someone else. It isn't fair to your long-distance partner to keep this secret, since dealing with it together could strengthen your relationship and build trust. I had lustful thoughts about someone other than my boyfriend recently, and I told my boyfriend about it. Our relationship is strong enough that he remained supportive and appreciated my honesty. Instead of making him doubt my commitment to him, he seemed relieved that even when I failed, I would not keep secrets from him, especially secrets that were potentially threatening to the security of our relationship. If you are thinking about someone other than your partner, there is probably a problem in your existing relationship. In this case, the distance, itself, creates difficulty. I recommend finding a way to live near your long-term long-distance partner, if you intend to stay with him. If you don't, then it is important to be honest with him about that, too. Whatever you decide, communication is vital.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Renogod (Oct 31, 2009)

my bad double post....


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## Renogod (Oct 31, 2009)

On the road to Damascus said:


> Mummmm...that in between place is sometimes hard to be in...a 7 year long distance relationship is very hard to manage and maintain...most people have a common objective when you are dating e.g. the ultimate goal of being together in the same geographic location or even to get married. Is an objective still in the cards for you and INFP?
> 
> Often times a personal crisis can proppel you into an intense space with someone else, especially if you do not have the immediate, close support of your partner...it looks like this has happened to you with the INTJ.
> 
> ...


 
Damscus you are a mind reader aren't you:laughing:

Basically what she said and to add to that

-Personally i can't do long distance relationships:bored:

They spazz me out


I need to be intimate with them:blushed:and have lots of love and sex.


However, if your serious about this relationshiproud: then by all means pursue it, i'd be intrested i knowing what fruit you will yeild


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