# "Childhood wounds" - does your type's make sense for you?



## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

I don't really relate to any of them. I could say how I'm a mix of some, like how 8->5 described me at school, except it doesn't because I lacked the whole... 8 assertive gestalt parts, so it would be a lie. None of them describes my home life at all; my parents were great, though I guess I felt ignored by my dad a little. I was the quiet stubborn kid, the one who wanted to know why everything happened, who read a lot and barely talked, and was generally more afraid of being abandoned more than of being "unsafe." 

In short, my childhood neuroses were/are linked more to my autonomy and my interactions with the world, I suppose. Aside from SP + 6, my behavior might be 5ish, but the drive behind them is very 7ish: I've always been "claustrophobic" with life and my abilities, and need to interact with the world (not necessarily with people) to feel safer in it. I do have gigantic reclusive tendencies, but they're not so much out of fear than they are out of energy conservation and mild misanthropy, and relatively severe depression plays a role in that as well.


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## Satel (Jun 17, 2018)

*Type 4
These children felt abandoned by one or both caretakers. They felt alone, cut off from the source of love for reasons they couldn't understand. They were not "seen" or mirrored, and felt different from their parents. As a result, they turned inward to their feelings and imagination to cope in isolation.*


yeah I guess so
Nobody literally abondoned me or anything but I did feel kinda alone.The other parts also fits perfectly wow.


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## xVladdy (Sep 19, 2018)

8 seems to fit the best for me.
Living in the capital and learning at a school full of gypsies (very dangerous people; there was a case of two such gypsies that got into a fight, and one of them smashed the other's head against a sink), and in a city where traffic is plagued with mad drivers, my parents (mom in particular) was afraid to let me alone. It was a shitty environment overall.

I came to regret this as, right now, I'm not the best at defending myself. It left this scar... a scar which I'm not sure I can patch up. It left me unsure of my abilities (I never had to deal with gypsies like the ones I was talking about or thieves). 

I don't remember much else from childhood. Just this bit that I wrote. But thinking more about this (and also the fact that quite a few people claimed I am much more mentally mature than my peers), I relate the most to 8. Though not completely.


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## Strelnikov (Jan 19, 2018)

Type 1
These children felt heavily criticized, punished, or not good enough. Household rules may have felt inconsistent. As such, they became obsessed with being good/not making mistakes to avoid condemnation. The principle message was: "You must always be better than you are."

Type 8
These children often grew up in an unsafe environment (emotionally and/or physically) and had to mature way too soon. They didn't feel safe to show any vulnerability, and may have felt controlled. Weakness was used against them, so they focused only on building their strength.


I'm an 8, I would say that I grew up in an environment closer to the description of type 1. Although, that isn't exactly right either... There were multiple things. I did feel controlled and weakness was used against me, by my older brother (as the 8 description says). So my answer would be... kind of...


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## aiyanah (Oct 25, 2018)

yeah my type makes sense, but they can all apply by some metric


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## Cthulhu And Coffee (Mar 8, 2012)

I dunno. I know that my most likely types are 6, 4, and 9. But I would say that according to this, 4 sounds most like me. Maybe. Lol 

I remember being constantly depressed because my dad was the one out of the picture. And I could never relate to other kids for some reason, so all I did was stay home and read, write, draw, etc. I was very creative/had a big imagination. As an adult I'm a lot more grounded though, and more focused on learning how to socialize.


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## 74893H (Dec 27, 2017)

9 here, not really. I don't really relate to the being unaware of one's own needs side of 9 at all. I think the main reason I ended up a 9 was because I was bullied by most of my peers all through school and the only way I could get it to stop was to keep my mouth shut, act more normal and keep a low profile. I need absolutely everyone possible to like me because to allow anyone to dislike me risks being made an outcast again. I'm a bit weird in general I have to keep nearly all of my character hidden away for fear that people wouldn't like me, which leads to me acting like a blank slate of a person most of the time and I just reflect the people I'm with once I work them out. Characterless and docile = easy interactions with people. Easy interactions with people = no exclusion and an all-around much easier life. Everything else associated with 9 just kind of wormed its way in from there as a domino effect.

As for why I compulsively need an easy and peaceful life though, no idea. Maybe I'm just lazy.


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## spicycucumber (Sep 24, 2017)

jng said:


> I'm interested in the "childhood wounds" concept when it comes to what determines one's enneagram type. I have heard from many people that the wound that goes with their type fits with their personal experience, but personally mine doesn't make sense for me at all. I am 150% certain that I am a 4, but I have always been incredibly close to my parents, and as a young child I never felt abandoned or unsupported. I never had the sense that I didn't fit in my family or felt cut off from love. Do you personally feel that your type's wound makes sense for your life or experience? What could explain not resonating with the wound of one's type?
> 
> These are the "wounds" I'm referring to (taken from The EnneaApp):
> 
> ...


None really fit to a t. I think distraction, staying busy, achieving, and fantasizing helped me cope with my shitty home and school life, helped me feel good, and kept me away from my anxiety/fears (didn't realize this at the time, but see it now retrospectively).

I think in my intimate relationships I am terrified of criticism, not being seen as good enough, and being boring so I really focus on continuously achieving, improving, pleasing, and being exciting/magical in order to be worthy of love. Doesn't help the situation that I date assholes.


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## Loonkin (Nov 13, 2018)

Mine definitely resonates, being a Type 4. My parents loved me very much, but I was a wild child and misunderstood. Although they did things through their love languages that showed they loved me, they didn't do it in the most important love languages that I can understand. I needed more quality time with them, to explore with them, create and be curious. They both worked full time and were introverts. I was too much for them and I still carry this with me.

A question for the original poster: were there any other significant relationships that you felt isolated from? Maybe it wasn't just the relationship with your parents that formed the way you interact with the world and yourself.


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