# Dealing with crushes on INTXs



## Tweedle.dee (Jun 10, 2015)

So hey, I have a huge crush on an INTX (not too sure if he's an INTP or INTJ, still kinda new to this)(I'm an ISTP). I have spoken to my friends and some of them think there might be something, I'm not too sure about that but I think I have been plenty obvious. 
For example, I'm not known to be particularly touchy per se (my friends think I flirt with everyone but whatever), I do not allow people touch me at all ( I allow him), and I explain myself to him quite a bit ( don't usually have to though, we are usually on the same wavelength). There's other stuff too but yh.

I have observed that of recent he has become touchy and suggestive, he also does that thing when you smile at people for no viable reason, he hugs me almost every chance he gets and if I go to his class without going to meet him, I feel like he is aware of where I am, sometimes he comes to meet me. I don't know how to handle the "cold" times though, I do the same thing but it's different when someone does it to you.
So what do ya'll think?
(P.S - he said he was going to call during the weekend, he hasn't)
(N.B - Sorry this is long but I need definite answers not speculation)


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## Meltboy (May 14, 2013)

Tweedle.dee said:


> So hey, I have a huge crush on an INTX (not too sure if he's an INTP or INTJ, still kinda new to this)(I'm an ISTP). I have spoken to my friends and some of them think there might be something, I'm not too sure about that but I think I have been plenty obvious.
> For example, I'm not known to be particularly touchy per se (my friends think I flirt with everyone but whatever), I do not allow people touch me at all ( I allow him), and I explain myself to him quite a bit ( don't usually have to though, we are usually on the same wavelength). There's other stuff too but yh.
> 
> I have observed that of recent he has become touchy and suggestive, he also does that thing when you smile at people for no viable reason, he hugs me almost every chance he gets and if I go to his class without going to meet him, I feel like he is aware of where I am, sometimes he comes to meet me. I don't know how to handle the "cold" times though, I do the same thing but it's different when someone does it to you.
> ...



Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
Looks like we have a case of inter-type-breeding. We don't take too kindly to that around here.
You take your sinful thoughts and you get on outta here. You hear me?!


No but seriously now...

IXTX's don't show affection to just anyone. Wouldn't you agree?
So at worst, you mean _something_ to him.
Whether that's romantic or just friends or you're "that girl that fancies me hurhur", it's difficult to know without seeing context and how exactly he does these things and talks to you.

The fact he hasn't called could be many things.
He could have been too nervous, he could have been really busy, he could have forgotten (innocently).

I just think that I wouldn't promise to call a girl unless I wanted to. (I'm not him though so he might be a dick to girls - I don't know).

I don't want to get your hopes up only to find out he was just enjoying flirting and feeling attractive.

It's perfectly possible that he's unsure how he feels and so he's testing the water.


Unless he's a real dick about it, *IF* he tells you he's not into you that way, just understand that he had no real choice but to let you know.
His only other option would be to pretend he likes you and grow old and die together with you.
Don't hate him if this is the case (unless he gives you a reason of course).


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## Tweedle.dee (Jun 10, 2015)

Lol Thanks. He said he forgot to call, and no he's not a dick but yh


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

My advice? No matter whether that's a P or a J on the end....it won't end well. Both are known to do the door slam, both are terrible at making a move, neither are interested in flirting, dating or really being in relationships. Getting an INTx into couple mode is akin to building a hadron collider in your garage. It will consume years of your time and won't work properly when it's done.


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## Reynir (Apr 3, 2015)

InSolitude said:


> Getting an INTx into couple mode is akin to building a hadron collider in your garage. It will consume years of your time and won't work properly when it's done.


Depends on if you let the INTx build along erc2:


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## Doktorin Zylinder (May 10, 2015)

I agree with @InSolitude. I had someone trying to court me for several months before I even knew about it until I was outright told. I was pretty oblivious and I still don't know how to flirt nor do I care for small talk. It might not be worth your while. My father is an ISTP and he could only ever take me in small doses because he couldn't keep up with me.

The thing I've noticed about SPs and INTXs is that the SPs want to make the INTX's do something physical. INTXs want to think and talk and do certain things and the SPs get annoyed because they think it's unproductive or over their heads. I know an ESTP female and INTJ male married couple who get along really well, but they end up having their separate lives most of the time. He lives in the theoretical and she lives in the physical. That's not to say that it can't work out, but you may not be approaching it correctly or with the right mindset.


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## maust (Jul 14, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> My advice? No matter whether that's a P or a J on the end....it won't end well. Both are known to do the door slam, both are terrible at making a move, neither are interested in flirting, dating or really being in relationships. Getting an INTx into couple mode is akin to building a hadron collider in your garage. It will consume years of your time and won't work properly when it's done.


Is this from personal experience, or objective analysis of personal experience? I know plenty of INTs who've been in successful relationships for 10-20+ years... this seems kinda like an overgeneralization, but I'm not sure if the generalization it's based on is true. 

@Tweedle.dee if he's been reaching out to you and touching you, he probably likes you. The only way to know for certain though is to ask, and I'd just bite the bullet and do that. Throw it out as "hey, so x says you like me. Do you?" and see what he says. Don't do it in a crowd or anything, and give him some time to think about it, but I think asking is your best bet.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

maust said:


> Is this from personal experience, or objective analysis of personal experience? I know plenty of INTs who've been in successful relationships for 10-20+ years... this seems kinda like an overgeneralization, but I'm not sure if the generalization it's based on is true.


It's facetiousness, partly. But also from personal experience. I am very difficult to get into a relationship but once there won't budge for a very long time. It's the getting me there that is the problem. And judging by many stories related on the interwebs belonging to either INTx's or partners/potential partners of such, unless there's a great deal of enthusiasm on both sides, generally it ends in disappointment. For whatever reason those 3 letters seem to be the originator of inertia. No matter how much I may wish for a relationship my inertia about it is so strong that really you've got to have some high level magnetism to move me from my singledom. I have too many interests which are equally attractive to my attention. There are many types however who do jump at any open relationship door because it's their 'thing' and they can't imagine not going there. 

Romatically chasing an INTx is for masochists, or people up for the Everest of challenges.:dejection: My intention is to warn the OP that if she's intent on this pursuit then prepare for a lot of work and possible disappointment. I've been known to just ignore a potential suitor who I was quite into even, just because.......My thoughts don't often make sense, even to me. Anyone's free to disagree with me though.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

InSolitude said:


> My advice? No matter whether that's a P or a J on the end....it won't end well. Both are known to do the door slam, both are terrible at making a move, neither are interested in flirting, dating or really being in relationships. Getting an INTx into couple mode is akin to building a hadron collider in your garage. It will consume years of your time and won't work properly when it's done.


I've built a hadron collider in my garage, then. And although it has consumed years of my time, it does indeed work properly now that it is done. 

Re: the flirting thing, he's actually better at it than I am. Marginally, but still very slightly better. I can't flirt worth shit, lol.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

My best advice, for the INTP anyway?

1) It is said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Generally speaking, this is bullshit.

2) The cynical rejoinder to #1 is that anyone who aims to get in through his stomach is aiming about six or eight inches too high. In the case of the INTP anyway, this is also bullshit. 

3) The way to the INTPs heart is through the mind. If he does not find you intellectually stimulating (and/or you do not find him intellectually stimulating), the relationship won't last.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

I disagree with @InSolitude and @Doktorin Zylinder

It may be that they're giving a female perspective. I don't care about how much the MBTI categorises humans as a whole, I still firmly believe there are different attitudes from the male and female brain, especially regarding courting, mating and reproduction.

INTX things do _not_ always end badly. And I think it's definitely more of a female thing to not realise when someone is showing subtle interest. Sorry if I appear to be liberally applying gender stereotypes, but that's just my experience so far.

In fact the main issue is that INTX guys tend to dive in head first, as soon as you've cracked them. It can take a while, but when it does, be ready for it.

My girlfriend spent ages tapping into me. I was a bit 'meh' at first. Now she's broken in and I have totally embraced the whole thing, and, although she was totally the one into me and was totally the one who tried and tried to get things going, she now feels I've come on too strong and too fast!!! I'm totally into the whole thing now.

I thought it was part of the INTP type description that we dive in head first when love starts to unfold. So I'm genuinely surprised when people claim they don't feel such things. Apart from the aspie aspect (heh, best aliteration ever!), I know there's some emotional difference on that front.

So that's how the INTX male mind works. They don't play games, they don't like the emotional showiness and all that, but once you're in with them, you're _in_.

Disclaimer: This might just be referring to the INTP male. It would be good if an INTJ male could chime in here.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

Elistra said:


> My best advice, for the INTP anyway?
> 
> 1) It is said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Generally speaking, this is bullshit.
> 
> ...


1. I love that my girlfriend let's me finish half her meals because she can't ever get through them all. It's a winning formula! I'd be willing to argue that a man will always like a woman who feeds him, since it connects on a 'caring/nurturing' level. Not that it's the absolute most important thing, but food is always a good sign in some way, when tied in with other aspects of affection.

2. Ok I agree with this one. It's not all about sex. My girlfriend sometimes makes 'no funny business' comments if, for example, I suggest movie time. That annoys me because really I just want to squidge up and watch a film together. Maybe with my hand resting directly on her boob...

3. My girlfriend isn't intellectually stimulating at all. She has no interest in the 'nerdy' things I do. And I have no interest in the stuff she does (well ok we're both supportive and everything, however we don't have regular 'wow that's so cool' moments over each other's intellectual interests). It's our lifestyles which bind us. We like doing similar activities, and have similar attitudes, and similar social styles. We're bound by culture and lifestyle, not by intellect. And that's fine by me!

Just thought I'd make a point, regarding your points!


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## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

HAL said:


> I disagree with @_InSolitude_ and @_Doktorin Zylinder_
> 
> It may be that they're giving a female perspective. I don't care about how much the MBTI categorises humans as a whole, I still firmly believe there are different attitudes from the male and female brain, especially regarding courting, mating and reproduction.
> 
> ...


I obviously can't speak for all INTJs, but I agree about the "tapping in" thing. I tend to have that attitude about life in general, not just relationships. It's sort of like, "Soooo, we both want to do this thing, right? Ok, well let's do it then. Chop chop. All in."

It just takes a while sometimes for me to actually get to that stage of being "cracked."

It's like an on/off switch in a way. There's not much of an in-between in there.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

HAL said:


> 1. I love that my girlfriend let's me finish half her meals because she can't ever get through them all. It's a winning formula! I'd be willing to argue that a man will always like a woman who feeds him, since it connects on a 'caring/nurturing' level. Not that it's the absolute most important thing, but food is always a good sign in some way, when tied in with other aspects of affection.


Fortunately, my INTP doesn't care about the food angle so much. If he did I'd be screwed, and not in a good way. lol



HAL said:


> 2. Ok I agree with this one. It's not all about sex. My girlfriend sometimes makes 'no funny business' comments if, for example, I suggest movie time. That annoys me because really I just want to squidge up and watch a film together. Maybe with my hand resting directly on her boob...


I would consider sex to be a welcome distraction. Then again, I'd consider grouting bathroom tile or doing my taxes to be a welcome distraction, so this proves nothing. For the most part, I hate movies. I'd be like, "How about we turn that crap off and just have sex?" Lol 



HAL said:


> 3. My girlfriend isn't intellectually stimulating at all. She has no interest in the 'nerdy' things I do. And I have no interest in the stuff she does (well ok we're both supportive and everything, however we don't have regular 'wow that's so cool' moments over each other's intellectual interests). It's our lifestyles which bind us. We like doing similar activities, and have similar attitudes, and similar social styles. We're bound by culture and lifestyle, not by intellect. And that's fine by me!
> 
> Just thought I'd make a point, regarding your points!


I hope that doesn't cause you two problems, down the line. My husband dated a few girls like that, and in spite of greater cultural compatibility with them, the lack of intellectual compatibility seriously weighed on things over time.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

Elistra said:


> I hope that doesn't cause you two problems, down the line. My husband dated a few girls like that, and in spite of greater cultural compatibility with them, the lack of intellectual compatibility seriously weighed on things over time.


I guess we'll have to see. I mean it's not that she's dumb at all. We just have different strengths in different areas. Time will tell!

Funny thing is, my ex was really on the ball, super intelligent and could always fire something back at me which made me pause and think. But we weren't compatible at all and I hated how she always had 'something to say'! 

I suppose there are just so many factors really. It all adds up - the good bits and the bad bits.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

HAL said:


> I guess we'll have to see. I mean it's not that she's dumb at all. We just have different strengths in different areas. Time will tell!
> 
> Funny thing is, my ex was really on the ball, super intelligent and could always fire something back at me which made me pause and think. But we weren't compatible at all and I hated how she always had 'something to say'!
> 
> I suppose there are just so many factors really. It all adds up - the good bits and the bad bits.


See, that's more what my husband liked, I think. I was the only Thinker type he ever dated... all the rest were Feelers. 

We were friends for six years before anything romantic happened, and we spent most of that time dating other people. (Him was a few different Feeler girls, and me with an INTJ.) But even then, he'd get the feely stuff and the sex from his girlfriend at the time, and then seek me out to debate, pool data with, thrash out ideas, and occasionally talk about video games. Lol.

... I just realized something. Late August of this year will mark the 20th anniversary of when we first met. Damn, I feel old. Lol.


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## Tweedle.dee (Jun 10, 2015)

I spoke to him today and he says he likes me. I feel really relieved, so thanks to the people that said I should just ask him. We super cute together!


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## jehosafats (Feb 23, 2013)

Elistra said:


> See, that's more what my husband liked, I think. I was the only Thinker type he ever dated... all the rest were Feelers.
> 
> We were friends for six years before anything romantic happened, and we spent most of that time dating other people. (Him was a few different Feeler girls, and me with an INTJ.) But even then, he'd get the feely stuff and the sex from his girlfriend at the time, and then seek me out to debate, pool data with, thrash out ideas, and occasionally talk about video games. Lol.
> 
> ... I just realized something. Late August of this year will mark the 20th anniversary of when we first met. Damn, I feel old. Lol.


I've encountered very few thinker types. But when I do, I lose it.


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## Substancez (Nov 2, 2014)

Congrats @Tweedle.dee! Enjoy the adventure 

I'd have to agree with @LostFavor in regard to the 'outter shell' or stringent 'barrier' that characterizes an INTJ's self defense; essentially like a castle--the first line of defense is the hardest to break through and as with LOTR (best trilogy ever no questions asked), 

'once you're in you're in.'


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## Alpha_Orionis (Jan 18, 2015)

I think that he is interested in you, he seems too touchy and inviting not to. About the phone call, i think that he really just forgot to call. I think that we can be forgetful about that stuff, it our intuitive nature that makes us wonder away.


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## Creative Concept (May 29, 2015)

Oh yes, for an awkward teenage time I was an INTP. You can type his last letter later but there are a few things you should be aware of before stepping into any sort of relationship with us IN.

His cold times could very well be either the classic INTJ neutral face stare or he may be upset. The strange INTP can occasionally pull this off but try and figure out how much of the time he looks/acts distant to see whether this is his normal behavior or if he's stressed. 
If he's an INTX we are very much capable of friend zoning someone so be sure and soon come across as a romantic interest and not just a buddy that likes physical contact. 

All in all, start dropping hints if you want him to ask you out- be aware that you may have to be as subtle as a gun- and just continue to enjoy his strange uniqueness.

I hope this works out in your favor. :fall:


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## Creative Concept (May 29, 2015)

Nevermind, looks like I missed the celebration comment. Congrats on just asking him.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

Tweedle.dee said:


> I spoke to him today and he says he likes me. I feel really relieved, so thanks to the people that said I should just ask him. We super cute together!


Oh dear, she bought the hadron collider kit. :congratulatory:


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## nova.story (Jul 12, 2015)

wink


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## Tweedle.dee (Jun 10, 2015)

Creative Concept said:


> Oh yes, for an awkward teenage time I was an INTP. You can type his last letter later but there are a few things you should be aware of before stepping into any sort of relationship with us IN.
> 
> His cold times could very well be either the classic INTJ neutral face stare or he may be upset. The strange INTP can occasionally pull this off but try and figure out how much of the time he looks/acts distant to see whether this is his normal behavior or if he's stressed.
> If he's an INTX we are very much capable of friend zoning someone so be sure and soon come across as a romantic interest and not just a buddy that likes physical contact.
> ...


Unfortunately, It didn't. 
But, I am absolutely cool with how things worked out. I still got to mess around and make out with him so I'm cool. I've also been out with him, it wasn't only us but I had fun ( Ant-Man is really good btw)
Anyway, we're headed to two different countries so it wouldn't have completely worked out in the first place.


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## Tweedle.dee (Jun 10, 2015)

Alpha_Orionis said:


> I think that he is interested in you, he seems too touchy and inviting not to. About the phone call, i think that he really just forgot to call. I think that we can be forgetful about that stuff, it our intuitive nature that makes us wonder away.



Maybe he was just being nice and I read too much into it. I'm real bad with relationships anyway.


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