# Age Differences in Romantic Relationships



## PyrLove (Jun 6, 2010)

Do you think an age difference matters in a romantic relationship? What are the benefits and disadvantages inherent in an age difference? Is your opinion different for short term and long term relationships?

I am in an 18 year old relationship with a man who is 15 years older than I. When I was younger, I didn't see the age difference as an issue. Most days, I didn't even think about his age. I've always been more mature and he has always been more immature. Emotionally, we were the same age. As we've gotten older, the age difference has become more apparent. He has health issues. And, for the first time, I understand that I will be getting old without him.


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## Monkey Fritz (Apr 23, 2010)

I shall at some point have a longer reply to this, have not considered age differences in relation to myself. My grandparents were 11 years apart and my sister married someone 13 years her senior. The former was most certainly a positive thing, the later not so much.

I shall activate my latency processors and get back to you on this. :mellow:


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

I think in older times this worked because people stuck together more. Nowdays even slight differences break up couples. Its just a generation thing i think.


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## Turututu (Dec 22, 2009)

I don't think age difference plays an important role. Maturity does, though. (But I guess this is stating the obvious)

Either way, some people are into playing 'the guardian' and others into being 'the protected' so a relationship with difference in age and/or mentality can still work in that case.

I think it is important, however, to keep in mind that the younger person shouldn't be rushed to skip over experiences they need at their age, so the older one should try to be patient. The same way, the younger one should be considerate about the difference in amount of energy. ;x In short, be conscious about each other's needs.

I never really saw age as a discriminatory factor when choosing a partner, but it can still be added in to weigh in the cons and pros since it does bring some (minor) consequences.


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## energeticelephant (Apr 26, 2010)

Haha...I have kind of developed a theory that, ultimately, I need to marry an older man (which I really just developed because I tend to be more attracted to the maturity of older men anyway). I have rheumatoid arthritis, which means my life expectancy has been shortened considerably, which means, if I married an older man, we would die closer together. How romantic...

And I think I say this in jest, but part of me does look to it as a good theory that I should, perhaps, pursue. :crazy:


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## SaraBell (Jun 3, 2010)

My boyfriend is 8 years older than me and (other than having to tell my mom) it hasn't been a problem. I like it because he is more sure of who he is than guys my age are. However, if I do feel like going out drinking I go with a friend because he is past the "wooo, party!" stage in his life and very, very rarely drinks now.


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## Jinxies (May 5, 2010)

ChanceyRose said:


> Do you think an age difference matters in a romantic relationship? What are the benefits and disadvantages inherent in an age difference? Is your opinion different for short term and long term relationships?
> 
> I am in an 18 year old relationship with a man who is 15 years older than I. When I was younger, I didn't see the age difference as an issue. Most days, I didn't even think about his age. I've always been more mature and he has always been more immature. Emotionally, we were the same age. As we've gotten older, the age difference has become more apparent. He has health issues. And, for the first time, I understand that I will be getting old without him.


Age can matter, but it depends on the people. When I was 15 I dated a 24 year old guy... he was very immature and had no real responsibilities and it was a short term fling. We just weren't aligned. My second husband was 10 years older than me and we had quite a few differences, namely in the way we were raised and our outlook on the world in general. It caused some issues for us. 

I have no wish to date anyone who is the same age of my parents... that just feels wierd to me... and the gap in our generations is large enough that we'd view things much differently. 

I think from 5 to 10 years is fine, but too much more apart than that and things can get difficult. 

With that said, my aunt has been with a man who is 20 years younger than she is... and they've been together for over ten years. He was 21 when he started dating her. They do have a balance that works for them. I personally don't get it, but it's their life and they are happy with it, so I don't really have a right to cast judgement. 

Someone much older than you may face health risks sooner, they may become ill sooner, they may not want children when you do, as they may feel they are "too old" at that point, while you are still young enough to want them.


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## PyrLove (Jun 6, 2010)

Jinxies said:


> Someone much older than you may face health risks sooner, they may become ill sooner, they may not want children when you do, as they may feel they are "too old" at that point, while you are still young enough to want them.


I am facing the health issue now. It's not a reason to end the relationship but it does put a different spin on it. There is a real possibility that I will be a nursemaid or widow sometime in the next few years. It's not something I considered when I was younger.

The age difference was a factor when we were discussing children. I became a mother 10-15 years before my closest friends because of my SO's concern about being too old.


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## Calvaire (Nov 14, 2009)

I've always had a rule Eight years Older ,Two years younger.I think it's because I'm still young so dating someone drastically younger than me would just be wrong..especially since I'm only 19(almost 20). The oldest person I dated was seven years older than me,it worked for a bit but the distance killed it.


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

Years ago when my grandmother was alive, I was dating a man 13 years older than me. Her husband had been 14 years older than her, and she discouraged my relationship because she had been left a young widow with kids.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

ChanceyRose said:


> Do you think an age difference matters in a romantic relationship? What are the benefits and disadvantages inherent in an age difference? Is your opinion different for short term and long term relationships?
> 
> I am in an 18 year old relationship with a man who is 15 years older than I. When I was younger, I didn't see the age difference as an issue. Most days, I didn't even think about his age. I've always been more mature and he has always been more immature. Emotionally, we were the same age. As we've gotten older, the age difference has become more apparent. He has health issues. And, for the first time, I understand that I will be getting old without him.


I have usually stuck to people around my own age or just a little older. I am finding it more uncommon to find people my age now who act like they still have a spark of life left in them. The levels of maturity are there but the sense of fun seems to diminish. I will have to keep on looking for uncommon people. I am not sure whether I would find levels of maturity in a younger person. Who knows?


I don't think it should matter. Every relationship is different. Benefits of an older person in your case speaks for itself. A person to be on a similar wavelength in maturity. As far as the longevity of life goes, it won't be a given that the eldest will go first. Damn I feel like I am saying there is hope for you to go first Chancey. :mellow:


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## Kitten (Mar 28, 2010)

Age difference shouldn't have an effect on love. :3 What matters more is the the two people as individuals, regardless of age, because there are plenty of mature young people and immature adults out there.. people who act their age, people who don't (either because they act younger or older)... and so on. 

I'm a 16-year-old currently in a relationship with a 24-year-old. (Well, from January through May the age difference is seven years, and from June through December the age difference is eight years.. it's pretty much split right in half. XDD) Our relationship is currently long distance, but it won't stay that way forever. 

I honestly don't think much about the age difference at all. I mean, it doesn't hinder our communication with each other. ^^ The worst thing I can say about our age difference is how it has affected the waiting time we must bear with until we can finally meet in real life - because of my lack of independence because I still must live with my parents, I can't just get up and visit him or let him visit me. =\
But mainly our age difference is just something we joke about a lot. :tongue:

My married aunt and uncle have an age difference of NINETEEN years, and they get along just great! :3 ...However, one of their problems caused by the age difference is that it's too late for them to have any children even though they would've liked to, because my uncle (the older one in the relationship) has just gotten too old and worn for it. =\


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

It depends on how many years difference we are talking I suppose.

My dad was 10 years older than mum and they had a very special relationship. 

When I was 21 I dated a man who was 41 for a while. I soon realised that we were on a completely different wave length, and not all of his money, his 6'3 height, his Pierce Brosnan looks, or the many gifts he gave me could alter that. 

I ended up marrying someone who is my age, well actually I am several months older so he often jokes about having married the older woman, to which I say that I only married him for his youthful body & stamina. :happy:


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## Isis (Jul 8, 2010)

ChanceyRose said:


> I am facing the health issue now. It's not a reason to end the relationship but it does put a different spin on it. There is a real possibility that I will be a nursemaid or widow sometime in the next few years. It's not something I considered when I was younger.
> 
> The age difference was a factor when we were discussing children. I became a mother 10-15 years before my closest friends because of my SO's concern about being too old.


I am very sorry to hear this. It may help to consider that the health issue comes up for different people at different ages, so it may not be a factor of your age difference as much as personal differences in health. 

I have a close friend who lost a long-time partner to old age. Their age difference was extreme--about 30 years, in fact, so it was less of a surprise, but the partner died after a relatively short illness and enjoyed a great deal of health and vitality right until that illness struck. 

I don't know if this makes you feel any better...


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

My last boyfriend was 11 years older than me. The one before that was 10 years older than me. I never noticed and age gap, but I did have to help them transition through mid-life. But truly I didn't notice much difference due to age.

However, since men die younger than women, being with a much older may not be the best way to go. 

My mom's been in a relationship with a man 15 years younger than her. They have been together for 26 years. And I really think he may die before her. You wouldn't notice a difference in their age at all right now. To me, they are both "old" . Lol.


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## PyrLove (Jun 6, 2010)

Isis said:


> I am very sorry to hear this. It may help to consider that the health issue comes up for different people at different ages, so it may not be a factor of your age difference as much as personal differences in health.
> 
> I have a close friend who lost a long-time partner to old age. Their age difference was extreme--about 30 years, in fact, so it was less of a surprise, but the partner died after a relatively short illness and enjoyed a great deal of health and vitality right until that illness struck.
> 
> I don't know if this makes you feel any better...


Thank you Isis!

I do love my partner and treasure every day I have had with him. The age difference has never, to this point, been a problem for me. You're right, of course, that poor health can become a factor even if the partners are the same age. My best friend's husband is only 2 years older than she and he has had health issues (similar to my partner's) for several years.

I am sorry for your friend's loss. Even if the death is expected, it is still painful. She is lucky to have had someone that special in her life.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I would want a man close to my age but even more important to me is finding a man with emotional maturity. Anyone that is emotional mature is rare. I seem to attract younger men from their 20's to 40's but very few around my age. And none of them are usually emotionally mature in the least.
:frustrating:


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## PyrLove (Jun 6, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> My last boyfriend was 11 years older than me. The one before that was 10 years older than me. I never noticed and age gap, but I did have to help them transition through mid-life. But truly I didn't notice much difference due to age.
> 
> However, since men die younger than women, being with a much older may not be the best way to go.
> 
> My mom's been in a relationship with a man 15 years younger than her. They have been together for 26 years. And I really think he may die before her. You wouldn't notice a difference in their age at all right now. To me, they are both "old" . Lol.


Yes, that mid-life transition is tough -- almost called it quits more than once.

I can see the benefits, to me at least, of having a younger man. The hormones are really kicking in now and my older partner just can't keep up.:happy:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

ChanceyRose said:


> Yes, that mid-life transition is tough -- almost called it quits more than once.
> 
> I can see the benefits, to me at least, of having a younger man. The hormones are really kicking in now and my older partner just can't keep up.:happy:


Lol. Oh yes, I remember that too. I starved a little. Never underestimate the power of dishes with salmon served almost daily :wink:


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## CuritadeRana (Mar 19, 2010)

I've worked with people with disabilities and I helped care for my aging father right until the very end. I feel for you because that caretaker stress can be awful and what's even worse is you cannot run to your partner for support. If it is within your comfort zone seek out a support group as well as create one among your friends and relatives. You tend to feel all alone when you are going through your challenges with your sick loved one and are left there wondering where everyone has gone! Awful feeling. 

So I agree with the people who draw no correlation between age and the quality of the relationship. No one knows when one's time is up and perfectly healthy individuals have just up and died of natural "unknown" causes. I think the important thing is to not bury your head in the sand and make plans in advance when it comes to health care proxies (what interventions people want done if incapacitated and can't make health decisions on their own as well as drawing up who will have control of any financial assets), a clearly drawn out will through a lawyer, and money put away for a proper burial (because you may not have it at the time and not in the best condition to be making decisions about where and how to lay your loved one to rest). Age doesn't matter when it comes to this stuff...we all should have it.

Plan for the future but live in the present. Personally my parents had about a 6 year gap and it was a good relationship. I have always picture myself with an older man only for the maturity (emotionally/financially) factor. I like the stability it offers so that the relationship can be more in that developmental stage versus the awkward I'm still on my training wheels stage that young couples seem to experience. Besides I don't think I could handle having to tell my future husband....please dear shut off that anime and we really should discuss that whole going out to the club with the boys thing :shocked:Sometimes I think I am too much of an old fart for an old fart :laughing:Best of luck.


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