# Borderline Personality Disorder.



## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

As of 3 days ago I didn't know what it is, I've talked extensively to someone who has it and I could really relate to her life experiences. I told her my story and she also thought I probably have BPD, the more I read about it online and think about what she told me, I'm about 95% sure I have it.
I was just wondering if you have experience with it or with someone who does, and if you have an advice on what I should do with it. 

Thanks in advance


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

l would analyze the descriptions you get about the disorder from the people who have it very,_ very _carefully.

l have a relative with it. l won't go into too many details and every case is unique. Really look into this disorder before you decide that it fits you, though. 

Cheers


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## Zech (Jun 16, 2011)

I strongly believe that my sister has borderline personality disorder, though so far as I know this has never been formally diagnosed. All the elements seem to be there, eg _"intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, unstable self-image, feelings of abandonment and an unstable sense of self"_ (from wikipedia entry for BPD). She is extremely intelligent but has struggled throughout her life and come nowhere near to realising her potential.

@_Nirel_ Advice. Firstly, beware that you may be mistaken. You could check out what you think with a trusted friend, eg ask him/her to read the description, signs & symptoms. But really I guess it would need to be for a psychiatrist to make the diagnosis - or not of course. If you do have BPD be aware that there are treatments/therapies available now. It used to be claimed that "personality disorders are untreatable". But now: _"Long-term psychotherapy is currently the treatment of choice for BPD"_ (wikipedia entry for BPD again).

Good luck!

As a tangent: I think the term "personality disorder" is dreadful - it feels sneering, contemptuous, insulting. I do hope a better term is established sometime soon. Words, and the feelings that surround words, matter.


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

OMG WTF BRO said:


> l would analyze the descriptions you get about the disorder from the people who have it very,_ very _carefully.
> 
> l have a relative with it. l won't go into too many details and every case is unique. Really look into this disorder before you decide that it fits you, though.
> 
> Cheers


It really really fits... like I was stalked or something lol


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

Well, there are four subtypes of the disorder. But if you have it, the best way to confirm - if you want to help yourself - would be to see a psychiatrist for a professional diagnosis. It's a good thing that you actually want to educate yourself about this, as (in my experience, anyway) most people with BPD tend not to want help. 

There are also several threads on the forums about this as well.


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

Zech said:


> I strongly believe that my sister has borderline personality disorder, though so far as I know this has never been formally diagnosed. All the elements seem to be there, eg _"intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, unstable self-image, feelings of abandonment and an unstable sense of self"_ (from wikipedia entry for BPD). She is extremely intelligent but has struggled throughout her life and come nowhere near to realising her potential.
> 
> @_Nirel_ Advice. Firstly, beware that you may be mistaken. You could check out what you think with a trusted friend, eg ask him/her to read the description, signs & symptoms. But really I guess it would need to be for a psychiatrist to make the diagnosis - or not of course. If you do have BPD be aware that there are treatments/therapies available now. It used to be claimed that "personality disorders are untreatable". But now: _"Long-term psychotherapy is currently the treatment of choice for BPD"_ (wikipedia entry for BPD again).
> 
> ...


thank you, I doubt I could be mistaken as I fit the description very well. The only thing that makes me different from the stereotype is that I've come to realize how unstable my view of reality is so I've become obsessed with objectiveness. I also learned to shut down my emotions but I have a feeling it's not going to work like this for too long.
My uncanny ability to destroy any prospect of relationship with other people along with the fact I'm kinda stuck in place for the last few years is starting to take it's toll on me.
Lately I started to trust my abilities to cope with certain situations and allow my self to let go a bit and try living in the moment, I'm not sure how well it's going to work out though. I have no idea how much a psychiatrist is actually going to change anything. I think I made it a long way by myself as the last time I was seriously thinking of ending my life was more then a year a go, the last and only 'real' attempt was more then 6 years ago, and maybe it's better if I just learn more about BPD by myself.

I personally don't mind the term, as ADHD is also considered a disorder and I don't mind having it. The term 'personality disorder' also makes me feel a little better as I have something I can define and deal with. I'm also relieved by the fact it's regarded as something serious because I can respect my self a bit more for dealing with it.


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

SugarForBreakfast said:


> Well, there are four subtypes of the disorder. But if you have it, the best way to confirm - if you want to help yourself - would be to see a psychiatrist for a professional diagnosis. It's a good thing that you actually want to educate yourself about this, as (in my experience, anyway) most people with BPD tend not to want help.
> 
> There are also several threads on the forums about this as well.


Can you tell me the 4 subtypes or refer me to any information you think is productive? 
I'm not sure about a psychiatrist though, I'm used to dealing with things by myself and I'm confident in my analytical abilities.
If i'm not sure how a psychiatrist could help I don't think I'm going to see one.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

First things to learn about BPD: 

1.) People who suffer from BPD have generally a quite skewed cognition in my experience (more so than others). 
2.) They live by mirroring and projection - and are especially talented by docking into the right spots in other people's minds (unconsciously)
3.) BPD implies a lack of 'identity' - There is no steady/stable 'I'. Mostly impulsive with near to non consistency in their behaviour patterns.

This is just the surface; My point being however, I'd not, ever, take a BPD's diagnosis seriously. Not even for a second - not out of lack of respect, but simply due to knowing better.

Although, from my experience, it has been unediably the case that they tend to be quite good at reading other people. At times a bit simplistic, but overall quite impressive. Yet the person I know has never once managed to properly act on anything she knew better - for whatever reason.

Perhaps not fathomable for a non-BDP mind in terms of genuinely understanding what is going on there.


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

Erbse said:


> First things to learn about BPD:
> 
> 1.) People who suffer from BPD have generally a quite skewed cognition in my experience (more so than others).
> 2.) They live by mirroring and projection - and are especially talented by docking into the right spots in other people's minds (unconsciously)
> ...


Thank for you for your response.
I learned to be very objective about everything and see my self from the outside so don't be fooled by my writing style.
I'm very very good at reading people, you could say it's a survival skill, I am also guilty of seeing what people want to see and mirroring that. I don't really get where you're going with point 1, but I'm definitely 2 and 3. I've read everything I could find about BPD online and it's quite obvious I have it. My early life experiences are the typical triggers mentioned(no sexual abuse though), I have many people with mental health problems in my extended family, and basically everything written about it is applicable to me at least at one point in my life. I think I'm much more stable then I used to, and I might be able to deal with it by myself.
If you have any insight on how proper diagnosis could change anything please share.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

Are there other areas of your life do want to improve? You mentioned relationships and an unstable view of reality. I am asking this because a counselor/therapist can help you work through these and other issues. I am focusing on the issues rather than the DX ( diagnosis), because its not so much what you have, but how it effects you and prevents you from living your full potential.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Nirel said:


> If you have any insight on how proper diagnosis could change anything please share.


Nothing. 

BPD is officially incurable and people generally attend life-long therapy - alternatively many may even kill themselves due to the agony/havoc they're experiencing. It's a therapists' goal to help BPD people to cope with life and its challenges and to perhaps mend the pain/turmoil as much as possible.

Depdendent on country you're living an official diagnose could bring sociatal (dis)advantages. For instance, my friend is only allowed to work at best 15 hours a week. Given the flakiness involved however, I don't think she's cut out for job market at all. Not out of illwill, but she'd need a job where she had her very own schedule - or wouldn't be bound to any sort of deadline/responsibiltiy at all.

As such jobs are the complete opposite of what she's cut out for.


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

Dear Sigmund said:


> What other areas of your life do want to improve? You mentioned relationships and an unstable view of reality. I am asking this because a counselor/therapist can help you work through these issues. I am focusing on the issues rather than the DX ( diagnosis), because its not so much what you have, but how it effects you and prevents you from living your full potential.


The biggest thing is the constant feeling of emptiness and disconnection from the rest of the world. I taught my self how to shut my emotions down in order to not do anything stupid, but lately I came to understand just how bad of a solution it is and that everything else is probably better. I also disappear for long periods of time and anything I do takes a lot of mental effort, I lost 6 kilos in the last few months and it's starting to not look good (I'm 1.84m and 66K).
I believe understanding BPD will help me deal with it much better as I have great analytical abilities.
I think that if I have to be honest, the idea of seeing a psychiatrist is stressing me out a bit for some inexplicable reason, so I'm probably not going to do it if I'm not sure it's going to help me.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

Psychiatrists are doctors and mainly prescribe medications. Licensed practical counselors or psychologists will be able to help and provide support. However if it indeed causes stress ( and who needs more of that )t look into DBT therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. These two are the most widely used for treating BPD. 



You may want to check out this group also .Forums at Psych Central

Wishing you all the best


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

double post...


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

Erbse said:


> Nothing.
> 
> BPD is officially incurable and people generally attend life-long therapy - alternatively many may even kill themselves due to the agony/havoc they're experiencing. It's a therapists' goal to help BPD people to cope with life and its challenges and to perhaps mend the pain/turmoil as much as possible.
> 
> ...


I don't really care for any of that actually, I saw a movie that was a real story about a guy who won a noble prize and trained his mind to deal with schizophrenia so anything is possible. I'll find my own way of dealing with it and anyway it's not like anyone lives forever, one moment of intense happiness might worth having a shorter life. I'd like to see it as a condition which has advantages and disadvantages and make the better of it.


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

Dear Sigmund said:


> Psychiatrists are doctors and mainly prescribe medications. Licensed practical counselors or psychologists will be able to help and provide support. However if it indeed causes stress ( and who needs more of that )t look into DBT therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. These two are the most widely used for treating BPD.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you, these groups are really not for me though, I'm trying to be a strong person be objective and look at the better side of things, and taking other people problems is the last thing I need. I have a few goals right now so I think I'll just focus on pressing my advantages and go at it one step at the time.


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## Zech (Jun 16, 2011)

Nirel said:


> I don't really care for any of that actually, I saw a movie that was a real story about a guy who won a noble prize and trained his mind to deal with schizophrenia so anything is possible. *I'll find my own way of dealing with it* and anyway it's not like anyone lives forever, one moment of intense happiness might worth having a shorter life. I'd like to see it as a condition which has advantages and disadvantages and make the better of it.


If you had incurable cancer or you'd lost a leg I think this would be a good response. But it might be that you can do more than just "deal with" BPD.



> I don't really care for any of that actually, I saw a movie that was a real story about a guy who won a noble prize and trained his mind to deal with schizophrenia so anything is possible. I'll find my own way of dealing with it and anyway it's not like anyone lives forever, one moment of intense happiness might worth having a shorter life. *I'd like to see it as a condition which has advantages and disadvantages and make the better of it*.


What advantages might it have?

Thinking again about my sister, the things I find so tragic about her life are (i) her failure to realise her huge potential, as I said before (ii) her unpredictability - she seems to switch rapidly and without warning from one "mode" to another so that people never know who they're dealing with. Hence (iii) her experience of being abandoned by almost everyone she's ever known and her resulting isolation (iv) her endless determination (she is the most determined person i've ever met) but all to no avail.

@_Nirel_ You have insight, which is something my sister has never gained as far as I can see. But (imo) you need to do something with that insight. It's your call obviously and you can follow your intuition about what may or may not be possible, but my hunch is that if you seek out help there's a good chance you can change and get to experience a far more fulfilling life.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

Psychcentral has resources and support groups. You dont have to take on other peoples problems. you can post something like you are doing here. 
@Zech

well said, thank you . And FYI I worked as a mental health counselor for 5 or so years, and worked with those with BPD. Dont let your pride and self determination, get in the way of seeking help and support. There is nothing wrong with seeking therapy. It will help.

Anyway please ponder all that has been said.


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## Nirel (Oct 21, 2012)

Zech said:


> If you had incurable cancer or you'd lost a leg I think this would be a good response. But it might be that you can do more than just "deal with" BPD.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


One advantage is determination. second is the ability to know what the person infront of me is thinking and feeling, when I talk to you I am you in a way. Third the ability to be completely detached, this is something I had to learn how to do. Fourth, intensity and ability to move people, this is very helpful in my field of performing art. I think I'm also better at understanding things in general.

If I have to be completely honest, what gets me going right know is the woman I talked to who has BPD. I asked her phone number someday and we started talking for about a week and then she cut me off via text message, I thought it was over, then one day she caught up to me at the academy and told me her entire story how she has BPD and how she is redoing first year because she tried to kill herself when she broke up with her last boyfriend, and now she's learning she can be a person on her own and it wouldn't be good for any of us if we started a relationship right know.
I know it isn't healthy but I have an idea in my mind that next time I see her I'll find a way to make her love me and I will love her back and everything is going to be intense and amazing. In my rational mind I know the probability is very low, and I need to give her time for her sake. But just thinking about this idea is enough for me to be productive in important areas in my life.
This is what works for me right now


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## Girlyswirl (Oct 10, 2012)

@Nirel This blog has a lot of information (from someone with BPD): Beyond the Borderline Personality

The diagnostic criteria posted online is awful & serves no justice to the depth of BPD in my opinion. (I'd said something differently but what I was getting at is that I don't think it's something to take lightly.)

If you have someone you interact with on a regular basis that may care enough, you should have them read 'Stop walking on eggshells' with you. It's helpful for conflict management & understanding where the person with the disorder is coming from. Just don't expect for that to be a permanent fix. It's something that would take continuous effort and lots of self-awareness if you're interested in improving your relationships.


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