# DESPERATELY seeking advice!



## 63511 (Aug 15, 2013)

So I'm finishing up my AA this semester and I've been admitted to two schools (possibly three but I don't want to go there anymore). 

University A: In my city. I could live at home, keep my job (which actually reimburses me for my tuition -- plus I have prepaid tuition from my grandma so my job gives me free money essentially), have spending money, be with my friends and family, be comfortable and safe and secure.

University B: An hour and a half/two hours away. I would have to get out student loans for an apartment (tuition is paid for either way). I would have to try and transfer my job down there which is very difficult because it's the most sought after place for my job. I would be in a completely new environment and would be away from things that are safe/comfortable/secure and would be forced to adapt. It's a top tier university and very prestigious. So it's an honor to go and to represent the colors. I mean I suppose I'd still be able to come home for holidays? I have super strong attachment to the fall and the smells and colors and the pumpkin and the cinnamon and then Thanksgiving and Christmas with the cranberries and ham and spruce. I would be really upset if I didn't help decorate the tree... 

My mother actually went to both schools. She got her AA at the college I did, then went to University A at home and then later in life got her MBA from University B. So she sort of refuses to give me advice on it because she doesn't want to sway me either way and then be blamed if I make the "wrong choice" (she knows me too well). 

Apparently a store down at Uni B is looking for someone in the supervisor position that I fill and so they might be calling me looking for me to come work there. Which would be awesome! Especially since, as I said, it's really very difficult to get a job down there. And I have an apartment basically picked out and it's a friend of a friend and it would be myself and two girls who I haven't met but, hey, it's college right?

What do I do? Go into debt for the experience and force myself into something new? Or stay home and have money left over after college and be comfortable and safe?

I'm worried I'll always wonder if I _don't _go down to Uni B. All of my friends are saying to go.

I put it in terms of Blair Waldorf too. She didn't get into her top school in high school (Uni B for me) and then went to NYU, which she hated, (Comm College) but moved on to Columbia where she was free to be Queen Bee once more. Where she could feel like she was around people like her. (Uni A or Uni B?)

I keep trying to ask myself what would fictional characters do? Blair stayed at home but she lives in NYC, so how do I interpret that? Emma Woodhouse would tell me to go. Gwen Stacy would go. Hermione would go, right? Teddy Duncan went. Rory Gilmore went. Cory & Topanga stayed at home. Sam in Stuck in Love went away. Wren and Cath went away. If you think I haven't been paying attention to every college episode in everything ever recently... Well, I definitely am freaking out a little so. 

This is stressing me out so much! Also bonus points if you think you know my MBTI type since I still have no idea. Okay, thank you so much! Sorry I'm actually an emotional wreck as of now. (Dealing with money stress too as per usual) I sound crazy but I'm waiting for a sign or a feeling. I know it sounds insane. I'm just like my grandma in that way. I want to feel it -- in my heart. I want to feel that I'm doing the right thing. And so far I can't get a feeling.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

To address some of your thoughts: Two hours is very close and you will certainly be able to come home. My little brother is in college three hours away and is home basically every other weekend via catching rides with friends. Prestige is a mixed bag. It is a source of pride, but also creates a more competitive atmosphere. It is very useful in a handful of professions, but is generally less influential than how much you personally succeed and how involved you get. Moving away is definitely a huge growing experience, but college forces growth even if you are in your hometown, and you can still do neat things like study abroad/away.

Take a breath for a moment, step away from all the sorting, and think about who _you_ are and how the atmospheres and offerings of the two universities match up. And, yes, feel. Which one feels "right" to you? Essentially, in my opinion, it doesn't matter which school you choose nearly as much as how well you make use of the school's resources. College is just a path, not an end in itself, and you can be a success at either school. Choose the one you feel is better suited to being a world that you will blossom in.

(To me, I would prefer to have monetary safety and less competitive pressure; accordingly, I flourished at a nearby small public school. I have good friends who chose prestigious schools. Post-graduation, we generally all seem to be doing fine. We seem to have found our ways in life regardless of where we went. Many of those who went to prestigious schools have moved on to prestigious careers. Those of us who didn't go the prestigious route have often enrolled in Honor programs, shone in our departments, and otherwise taken advantage of the opportunities at our schools - the perks to being a big fish in a small pond.)

If you find yourself unhappy, you can always transfer. 

As for Hermione - I think Hermione would look at the data for the school's course offerings, academic support facilities, quality of library, extracurricular involvement opportunities, and existence of SPEW organizations. 

Also, I can't tell your MBTI, but I have a sneaking suspicion you're a fellow Enneagram 6.


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## LadyKitty (Jun 3, 2014)

Emma Woodhouse would stay. She adored being the big fish in the little pond, never left Highbury in the entire course of the novel (even to visit her sister), and after marrying Knightley settled right back down in her father's house instead of moving to her husband's large and attractive estate relatively nearby. 

Hermione would probably go. We see in the books she's not much for family. 

Blair would go, but she's not someone I'd care to model myself after personally.

Since you don't know what you should do and clearly are soliciting the opinions of others, maybe you should count up all the votes for school A and school B from everyone you ask and go with the majority opinion. Then at least you can console yourself if it doesn't work out that everyone you know won't be saying "I told you so". My vote is for school B.

And why put yourself in a gender box with the fictional character decisions? What would Mr Darcy do? Or Hester Prynne or Dr Watson or Rhett Butler or Jane Eyre?


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## rainrunner (Jul 15, 2014)

It's only two hours away. You can always carpool home with strangers or take a bus. I went to university two hours away (by plane) and still came home for Christmas. Think of all the new experiences you will get and all the people you will meet! If it doesn't work out, can you transfer back to Uni A?


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## Sangmu (Feb 18, 2014)

Avoid debt at all costs.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

Where do you intend to live after graduating? How relevant is a prestigious university course for your career and job seeking?

Being only 2 hours away from home can allow you to spend weekends and vacations with your family easily so it doesn't seem that bad.  If the prestigious university can help you at better career and job seeking and the other university is not too helpful for that, then it might be worth betting on the more prestigious one. Also, will you live and work near your home in the future anyways?

Also, one day you'll have your own home anyways that you might barely have time for your family. For example, I live some 10 mins away by walking from my parents, and I visit them during weekends and vacations, but at other times it might be too tiresome (after full-time job days I still have to cook and do house chores and personal stuffs).


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

I know nobody will tell you this now, but it doesn't really matter where you go to college. It matters what you major in, what internships you do, and what connections you make.

I feel like this is what they call a "high quality problem". Either way you will probably get a good education without incurring significant debt.

1.5 to 2 hours away is barely anything. My daily commute is 1.5 to 2 hours. You could visit home every weekend if you wanted to (especially if you can get a rideshare off Craigslist with another student going home, those are usually around $20 each way). My college was 6 hours away from where I lived and I visited home at least once a month.

I think you should go to the more prestigious college. If it doesn't work out, you can always transfer to the college close to where you live. Whereas it might be more difficult to transfer from a less prestigious college to a more prestigious one.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

The only upside is prestige?

I'd stay home.

I recognize that new experiences widen our horizons and broaden our scopes, but you will always have time to travel and do things and go places. At least when that time comes, you won't be in debt.

Seems fairly obvious to me.

Option A is the one I'd choose.


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## Courtalort (Jun 29, 2013)

I'm going to be incredibly practicle for a moment here-do the one you can do for free. 

Student loan debt will only cripple you going forward in your life, and all for the sake of a new experience, and better prestige? 

Prestige matters only in the following ways: to get into certain types of grad schools, for doctors, and for lawyers. Sometimes in business, but typically they care FAR more about experience and attitude than they do where you went to school. The vast majority of people who are successful go to a public school, and then work as hard as they can, show up early, leave late, and try while they are there with a smile on their face. If you'd like sources, let me know and I can drum up a few for you.  

Major in something good and strong, doesn't have to be STEM, but something where you can get a decent job. You absolutely don't need to and more importantly should NOT get a major that leads you to a career you would hate, but at the same time, don't do a major just because you'd love it, because often you won't end up working in that field. Case in point, my best friend has a degree in History with an emphasis in Cold War History, he loved it, he wanted to go to grad school, but grad school didn't work out and now he has been working in Finance for 6 years, and without a finance degree started out at a lower position and salary than he would have had he done a business degree. 

As for experiences, I would use some of that extra money you will have from work and save it and go on some trips with friends and family. Create experiences in that way. You can gain experiences for far less expensive than tuition and interest on student loans.

I hope that helped.  I've been where you are and made the wrong choice first, then went back later and am *hopefully* making the right one.


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