# Are there other ways to deal with obsessive thoughts besides therapy?



## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

My obsessive thoughts started when I was around 10 or 12 and it was just a phrase (a bad one) I would keep repeating. After 1-2 years of it, it stopped but then got replaced by thoughts of a person and something they did. Even though the memory of that person is good, it's literally always on my mind and for the last few years it's mostly all I think about. I dedicate a good portion of time to thinking about that/them. Even though I've _realized_ that this is bad and I don't want to keep having this thought over and over again I just can't stop it. It's so tiring and bothersome but still I can't stop it. I try to replace my obsession but this one is super strong. I've had this one for almost 6 years and it really bothers me.

The reason why I'm against therapy is because I don't want to say what my thoughts are about.

Advice?


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## Volant (Oct 5, 2013)

When I used to be super anxious/obsessive, I'd slip a rubber band or hair tie around my wrist and give it a small snap when I'd catch myself overthinking, etc. Then I'd distract myself by watching some random video or interacting with somebody. Hope you get it sorted out, in any case--it's draining.


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

I take it the distressing part is the inexplicable dwelling and not the contents of the thoughts themselves then? I remember when I was eight or nine I had this bizarre tendency to dichotomize everything I observed as good or bad omens. Nothing distressing about the process, but I hated that I couldn't stop doing it. I think the reason it eventually stopped bugging happening was because I stopped being concerned by it. I know that's not super helpful, especially if it's something that has been happening for a long time, but concerning over the obsessions themselves will obviously do nothing to rid your head of them. I find if I feel the need to start arranging items, or something else symmetry related, that jumping into something really engrossing and enjoyable is one of the best ways to push the thoughts out because your brain does not actually process things in parallel very well. It also tends to make you feel optimistic, and I think your general state of mind greatly influences how well you can fend off thoughts like this.

Also, I made a somewhat similar thread to this http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/449970-obsessive-thoughts.html, which has some helpful responses in it, though they were a little more centered around self-doubting than pure OCD like behavior. Good luck either way. There are a lot of useful resources on this online, so I'll link some if I remember any specifics. Note: If it's something really concerning to you, I would talk to a parent though.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Yomiel said:


> I take it the distressing part is the inexplicable dwelling and not the contents of the thoughts themselves then? I remember when I was eight or nine I had this bizarre tendency to dichotomize everything I observed as good or bad omens. Nothing distressing about the process, but I hated that I couldn't stop doing it. I think the reason it eventually stopped bugging happening was because I stopped being concerned by it. I know that's not super helpful, especially if it's something that has been happening for a long time, but concerning over the obsessions themselves will obviously do nothing to rid your head of them. I find if I feel the need to start arranging items, or something else symmetry related, that jumping into something really engrossing and enjoyable is one of the best ways to push the thoughts out because your brain does not actually process things in parallel very well. It also tends to make you feel optimistic, and I think your general state of mind greatly influences how well you can fend off thoughts like this.
> 
> Also, I made a somewhat similar thread to this http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/449970-obsessive-thoughts.html, which has some helpful responses in it, though they were a little more centered around self-doubting than pure OCD like behavior. Good luck either way. There are a lot of useful resources on this online, so I'll link some if I remember any specifics. Note: If it's something really concerning to you, I would talk to a parent though.


Both the contents & dwelling of the first time it happened were equally terrible because it involved me replying to the thought with another phrase that would undo it and that one was this one times a trillion. With the current one it's only the constant repetition and reminder not the contents that bother me. It's really odd because everything triggers a reminder, (the reminder is a person and something they did and modifications of what they did). Recently I got a new set of thoughts specifically during night time and those are depressing, I've spoken to someone who said they went through something similar but they weren't much help, plus the topic itself is basically unsolvable. I recently realized that this particular obsession (with the person + what they did) was a variant of obsessive thoughts and the reason I didn't think about it before is because this is a "happy" thought. But it's no longer happy because: a) I can't stop thinking about it and haven't been able to ever since it happened b)I've become too dependent on it (I can't explain this one well but its like I need that reminder of what happened in order to feel good) c) I can't concentrate because of that thought. Even while doing something different it's like always there. After realizing this I'm starting to see how even before the first bad ones happened I was obsessed with good ones. Those weren't problems but the current one (that's been here for almost 6 years) literally takes all my focus away and it used to be way worse. It's hard to push away a thought that brings me "happiness". 

I think I replied to your thread and gave you advice on replacing the thought which I've done and it happens for a period of time (but someone else takes their place) so it's always the same except with someone else. Even if the new person doesn't do anything out of the ordinary, one little thing gets blown out of proportion and it's what I become obsessed with.


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Gossip Goat said:


> Both the contents & dwelling of the first time it happened were equally terrible because it involved me replying to the thought with another phrase that would undo it and that one was this one times a trillion. With the current one it's only the constant repetition and reminder not the contents that bother me. It's really odd because everything triggers a reminder, (the reminder is a person and something they did and modifications of what they did). Recently I got a new set of thoughts specifically during night time and those are depressing, I've spoken to someone who said they went through something similar but they weren't much help, plus the topic itself is basically unsolvable. I recently realized that this particular obsession (with the person + what they did) was a variant of obsessive thoughts and the reason I didn't think about it before is because this is a "happy" thought. But it's no longer happy because: a) I can't stop thinking about it and haven't been able to ever since it happened b)I've become too dependent on it (I can't explain this one well but its like I need that reminder of what happened in order to feel good) c) I can't concentrate because of that thought. Even while doing something different it's like always there. After realizing this I'm starting to see how even before the first bad ones happened I was obsessed with good ones. Those weren't problems but the current one (that's been here for almost 6 years) literally takes all my focus away and it used to be way worse. It's hard to push away a thought that brings me "happiness".
> 
> I think I replied to your thread and gave you advice on replacing the thought which I've done and it happens for a period of time (but someone else takes their place) so it's always the same except with someone else. Even if the new person doesn't do anything out of the ordinary, one little thing gets blown out of proportion and it's what I become obsessed with.


If you're referring to that bizarre pain of feeling like you simply _must_ do something, I can empathize. Do you feel like your ability to cope/concern over these thoughts tend to vary throughout the day sort of sinusoidally, with somewhat pronounced highs and lows (eg. sometimes you might be with friends and feel like it's trivial, and sometimes you're convinced you're completely losing it)? Also, do you tend to fear more that the thoughts inhibit you from being present and enjoying things you previously enjoyed or would like to enjoy, or are you too consumed by the thoughts themselves to care? In other words, are you fixating more on the thought itself, or your concern over not being able to rid your mind of it? I should point out that it's not always easy to tell.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

I used to be super paranoid and obsessive as a kid, idk, I guess training yourself out of obsessiveness, and forcing yourself to think something else, distract yourself, solve a puzzle, or something should help


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Yomiel said:


> If you're referring to that bizarre pain of feeling like you simply _must_ do something, I can empathize. Do you feel like your ability to cope/concern over these thoughts tend to vary throughout the day sort of sinusoidally, with somewhat pronounced highs and lows (eg. sometimes you might be with friends and feel like it's trivial, and sometimes you're convinced you're completely losing it)? Also, do you tend to fear more that the thoughts inhibit you from being present and enjoying things you previously enjoyed or would like to enjoy, or are you too consumed by the thoughts themselves to care? In other words, are you fixating more on the thought itself, or your concern over not being able to rid your mind of it? I should point out that it's not always easy to tell.


I don't feel like I need to do it, it's so far beyond my control that it just happens. The same with the first ones, its like its on automatic. Yes definitely during specific times the thoughts become more potent. (except the first ones which happened 24/7). The thoughts take up a lot of my focus and sometimes I can't do things because they're just taking up all of my attention. I'm more tired of how these are daily. I'm both overwhelmed by the thought and how I can't get rid of it/them.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

ForestPaix said:


> I used to be super paranoid and obsessive as a kid, idk, I guess training yourself out of obsessiveness, and forcing yourself to think something else, distract yourself, solve a puzzle, or something should help


That works for a while but not permanently. The thoughts end up catching up to me.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> That works for a while but not permanently. The thoughts end up catching up to me.


ahh perhaps try something natural to help? some herbal remedy? Otherwise you might want to go to the doctor and tell him.


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Gossip Goat said:


> I don't feel like I need to do it, it's so far beyond my control that it just happens. The same with the first ones, its like its on automatic. Yes definitely during specific times the thoughts become more potent. (except the first ones which happened 24/7). The thoughts take up a lot of my focus and sometimes I can't do things because they're just taking up all of my attention. I'm more tired of how these are daily. I'm both overwhelmed by the thought and how I can't get rid of it/them.


Right, I understand that the thought is involuntary. I don't want to assume to that my experiences with these sorts of things are totally similar to yours, or that I have any perfect fixes, but I have a few observations about these sorts of thoughts that might be useful. I will, however, preface those by reiterating that you really should talk to your parents (or a friend I guess), but preferably someone older and wiser than you. I know that you don't necessarily want to share the specifics of your thoughts, but it's still useful to have some support with these things. 
Anyway, in my case, since I was very young, I've always found asymmetrical things.. troublesome, and so I would do things like rearrange objects, and shade in margins in handwritten papers, etc, etc. There's not much point going into too much detail, but this ended up being really distressing around 11th grade of high-school, and I feared that it would interfere with my ability to do things I enjoyed, and just stopped doing them as a result. It was very much as you described, there was no perfect "distraction" that could ensure that I could keep these thoughts out of my head. When something was off, I noticed it, and my fear that it would destroy an activity for me was as bad as the obsession itself. 
Now, I know I would have scoffed at this advice when I was 17, but what really ended up getting me back to a better state was that I found some really captivating activities and became more involved with people who I liked. It's actually how I ended up teaching myself how to program, which is a skill I really value to this day. And I know, these aren't perfect fixes for these issues.. they didn't just magically make the thoughts go away. They never totally went away tbh (granted, this was three years ago), but they tend to elevate your mental state in a way that makes you more able to cope with them, and gives them less space to cause distress. 
I guess what's frustrating when I try to find useful advice here is that I really hated almost every piece of advice everyone ever gave me on this subject. Initially, I wanted nothing more than to talk to a licensed therapist and have him or her tell me plainly that I didn't have OCD, because I figured that in some way it would mean I was making it all up and it would go away, and I spent hours taking online tests and repeatedly convincing myself that I didn't (in an ironically OCD fashion). But when I actually talked to one, it became evident in the first few minutes when he had to open his pocket DSM-V to read the definition and then said "hmm, this sounds kind of similar, do you experience such and such (that I'd already read about a billion times)" that he didn't know anything and there was no quick fix. Unfortunately, with all these things, you end up having to find something that works for you, which may sound discouraging, but I'm sure you'll find it. I would just keep in mind that there isn't really any magical remedy, and you kind of need to try different things until something clicks.

Edit: I realize this isn't the most succinct way of putting this. The TL;DR point I'm trying to make is that I know a lot of advice on these things is frustrating because it often feels like the people you're communicating with don't really have any understanding of what the trouble is, but even so, a lot of the advice is useful nonetheless.


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## Deus Absconditus (Feb 27, 2011)

I grew up with intrusive thought, which was potentiated when I joined the military, but about 3 years in they finally stopped, well the negative affects of them I should say therefore making them no longer "intrusive". The only way I was ever able to conquer it was to actually let them flow. No trying to stop them, no trying to direct them, no trying to adjust them. All I needed to do was just let them flow of their own accord, and from that moment on all the problems I suffered with my whole life, just stopped. 

I don't know if this works for everyone, but I would say give it a try to see how it works for you.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

Gossip Goat, this is not what you want to hear, but consider seeing a therapist. You can tell them from the get-go that you don't want to share some details. You can do a couple of sessions just to get a diagnosis or to make sure nothing more serious is going on. Six years is a long time to be bothered by an obsessive thought, maybe something else is behind it?


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Deus Absconditus said:


> I grew up with intrusive thought, which was potentiated when I joined the military, but about 3 years in they finally stopped, well the negative affects of them I should say therefore making them no longer "intrusive". The only way I was ever able to conquer it was to actually let them flow. No trying to stop them, no trying to direct them, no trying to adjust them. All I needed to do was just let them flow of their own accord, and from that moment on all the problems I suffered with my whole life, just stopped.
> 
> I don't know if this works for everyone, but I would say give it a try to see how it works for you.


The bad ones stopped a few years ago when I replaced them with dieting. The "good ones" I've never been opposed until they actually started to interrupt my focus which has been occurring ever since I was in 11th grade. It's gotten much better now but they're still there and also I find myself pathetic over that thought by now. Constantly thinking about it.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

conscius said:


> Gossip Goat, this is not what you want to hear, but consider seeing a therapist. You can tell them from the get-go that you don't want to share some details. You can do a couple of sessions just to get a diagnosis or to make sure nothing more serious is going on. Six years is a long time to be bothered by an obsessive thought, maybe something else is behind it?


That could backfire, to get to "the bottom of it" I would have to disclose the thought(s), (although they aren't related). I can probably guess by myself why they happen but I don't know if a therapist could help me make them stop. I've gone before for something else and I didn't like therapy.


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## Deus Absconditus (Feb 27, 2011)

Gossip Goat said:


> The bad ones stopped a few years ago when I replaced them with dieting. The "good ones" I've never been opposed until they actually started to interrupt my focus which has been occurring ever since I was in 11th grade. It's gotten much better now but they're still there and also I find myself pathetic over that thought by now. Constantly thinking about it.


Have you ever tried having the thoughts flow without assigning to them a value? This was the biggest key for me in letting them flow. What I mean is that when ever this specific thought comes up, you tend to feel "pathetic", but I don't see the problem being the thought but the value you have attached to yourself for continously thinking the thought.

I've also noticed that when I had intrusive thoughts, whatever was assigned to them that wasn't necessarily a part of them initially (a value) intensified them, it would keep them up in the forefront causing a lot of distraction, and made feel like I had no control of my mind. The truth, that I later learned after the fact, was that the thoughts was presenting something to me that was very apparent at a surface level, but when I dug deeper, when I ignored the value that was being attached to them, and saw them from different views I would come to a realization which would help me develop as an individual.

The mind has a weird way of communicating to us, its never directly apparent what they mean, but they always mean something, maybe you're attaching values to them that don't belong, maybe something within needs to be released, or maybe something within needs to be understood. Try to view your mind as a different version of you, like two sides of a coin, and just like you would like to be understood by those closest to you, well your mind also wants to be understood by the person closest to it, which happens to be you. When people ignore the thought, try to push it away, suppress it, or repress it then it starts to become upset due to the neglect and reactively presses harder in an even more persistent way, causing intrusive thoughts.

This is the problem with assigning values to thoughts, or yourself for thinking them, because you are inevitably ignoring the message being presented to you by trying to use a short cut around it, instead of trying to understand it for what it is. Its like giving a neglected child money to shut them up and get them out of your hair, the money (value) is a temporary fix but the child now sees the parent as not really caring for their problems nor wanting to help or deal with them, which leads the child to act even more erratically, crying out for even more attention because the child doesn't want a temporary fix (value), all they ever wanted was to be understood. This is how the mind works, the more you try to push it away, neglect it, or ignore it, then the more the thought intensifies, the more persistent it will be, and the more distracting it will become until you finally give it the time it is asking for in order to understand what it is trying to present you.

If the mind thinks something is important, then in relation to your individuals core self it is important, whether we want it to be or not. Its amazing how many layers there are that construct who we are as a whole.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Deus Absconditus said:


> Have you ever tried having the thoughts flow without assigning to them a value? This was the biggest key for me in letting them flow. What I mean is that when ever this specific thought comes up, you tend to feel "pathetic", but I don't see the problem being the thought but the value you have attached to yourself for continously thinking the thought.


I guess I have before, it's hard not to give them some sort of value since they evoke feelings. I didn't feel pathetic before and I liked that thought but then it just became annoying and I realized like, becoming so obsessed over something that happened years ago and over someone I haven't seen in years represented how terrible my self esteem must be. 



> I've also noticed that when I had intrusive thoughts, whatever was assigned to them that wasn't necessarily a part of them initially (a value) intensified them, it would keep them up in the forefront causing a lot of distraction, and made feel like I had no control of my mind. _The truth, that I later learned after the fact, was that the thoughts was presenting something to me that was very apparent at a surface level, but when I dug deeper, when I ignored the value that was being attached to them, and saw them from different views I would come to a realization which would help me develop as an individual_.


Yeah, the thought on it's own isn't what bothers me I guess, it's more what it means to me now. I didn't understand the italicized part too well. I can discern why I have the thoughts but knowing it doesn't stop them.



> The mind has a weird way of communicating to us, its never directly apparent what they mean, but they always mean something, maybe you're attaching values to them that don't belong, maybe something within needs to be released, or maybe something within needs to be understood. Try to view your mind as a different version of you, like two sides of a coin, and just like you would like to be understood by those closest to you, well your mind also wants to be understood by the person closest to it, which happens to be you. When people ignore the thought, try to push it away, suppress it, or repress it then it starts to become upset due to the neglect and reactively presses harder in an even more persistent way, causing intrusive thoughts.


That makes a ton of sense for the really bad ones I had, but for the good ones, I never really repressed them. But I did sort of wish that I could see the person again or have some sort of closure, because what they did to me meant a lot.



> _This is the problem with assigning values to thoughts, or yourself for thinking them, because you are inevitably ignoring the message being presented to you by trying to use a short cut around it, instead of trying to understand it for what it is. Its like giving a neglected child money to shut them up and get them out of your hair, the money (value) is a temporary fix but the child now sees the parent as not really caring for their problems nor wanting to help or deal with them, which leads the child to act even more erratically, crying out for even more attention because the child doesn't want a temporary fix (value), all they ever wanted was to be understood._ This is how the mind works, the more you try to push it away, neglect it, or ignore it, then the more the thought intensifies, the more persistent it will be, and the more distracting it will become until you finally give it the time it is asking for in order to understand what it is trying to present you.


You have a very nice way of making analogies. That makes so much sense to the ones I labelled bad, but not to the good ones, because I did/do give them time. I don't know if that makes them worse since I'm perpetuating the infatuation.



> If the mind thinks something is important, then in relation to your individuals core self it is important, whether we want it to be or not. Its amazing how many layers there are that construct who we are as a whole.


The good thoughts are important to me, they are one, if not the most important memory I have. Thing is it's been replayed so much and during some periods of time (for example when I'm studying) I get so distracted by it that it doesn't let me do anything. So then when I ignore it it becomes like the number one priority I must attend.


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## SweetSunshine7 (Jan 28, 2015)

By trying to avoid the thoughts that keep looping in your head the harder it will be to get rid of them. Try to write them down...and burn or shred your writing if it is that private to you. If that doesn't help find a therapist that specializes in the area you have an issue with if you can. Don't be afraid to try a few therapists/doctors in order to find someone you feel can help you.


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## Deus Absconditus (Feb 27, 2011)

Gossip Goat said:


> Yeah, the thought on it's own isn't what bothers me I guess, it's more what it means to me now. I didn't understand the italicized part too well. I can discern why I have the thoughts but knowing it doesn't stop them.


I didn't see an italicized part, but I did realize that I meant to say "the thoughts were presenting something to me that was not very apparent at the surface level"




> That makes a ton of sense for the really bad ones I had, but for the good ones, I never really repressed them. *But I did sort of wish that I could see the person again or have some sort of closure, because what they did to me meant a lot*.


So now we have illuminated the core of your problem, what type of closure do you think you need? One with the person in mind? Or one with the person you were (use to be) when that other person (that you are obsessively thinking of) was present in your life? Maybe both?

Most times if you feel/think you need closure, its usually that you need closure with the person you use to be in that time (when the person being thought about was prevalent in your life), which would then help you be able to have closure with the person being thought about, or be able to open up to them about things that you were previously unaware of before but now need to get off of your chest which would ensure complete closure.

Basically closure usually needs to come from to ends, the person within, and the person from without. This ensures complete closure, it also will help you with being able to move on, and help your mind be able to stop obsessively thinking.






> *You have a very nice way of making analogies*. That makes so much sense to the ones I labelled bad, but not to the good ones, because I did/do give them time. I don't know if that makes them worse since I'm perpetuating the infatuation.


Thank you, I find it that they help best in illuminating the truth of what I'm trying to present, it puts it into context for others to get a better grasp of it. Now that you understand what I'm saying, you can use these mental tools later on in life when you get "bad" thoughts. 

The good thoughts could also be perpetuating the infatuation, since most people like to hold on rather than let go of the "good" thoughts. This leads them to be completely consumed by them, as a sort of ego boosting mechanism, it helps the individual feel good at the expense of helping the individual build themselves up from their thoughts. This is also why I think considering thoughts as "good" or "bad" is not a beneficial thing, because in both cases they limit the individual to what they take from these thoughts, it oppresses one side of the thought in favor for some other side.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Gossip Goat said:


> My obsessive thoughts started when I was around 10 or 12 and it was just a phrase (a bad one) I would keep repeating. After 1-2 years of it, it stopped but then got replaced by thoughts of a person and something they did. Even though the memory of that person is good, it's literally always on my mind and for the last few years it's mostly all I think about. I dedicate a good portion of time to thinking about that/them. Even though I've _realized_ that this is bad and I don't want to keep having this thought over and over again I just can't stop it. It's so tiring and bothersome but still I can't stop it. I try to replace my obsession but this one is super strong. I've had this one for almost 6 years and it really bothers me.
> 
> The reason why I'm against therapy is because I don't want to say what my thoughts are about.
> 
> Advice?



I suggest replacing repetitive thoughts with Bible verses.

Some of the best things that have ever happened to me, were the results of hashing over Bible verses in my head, again and again.

Joshua 1:8 - Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

If you don't believe me, take it from the Jews who understood this verse and developed the following:

Tefillin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


The reason why this will be better for you and a good thing as opposed to a bad thing, is that the word is life as opposed to something useless. It can fix any underlying psychological issues you have.

And what is probably better is you don't take 1 single bible verse but rotate between verses, which is what I tend to do.

What is more, is if you can find a Bible verse which refutes the repetitive thought you are having, you can use it as a sword to defeat that thought. The thought will be forced to leave you.

-----------------

PS - You can also do this if you are not a Christian or a Jew. Just find a Bible verse that you agree with and see value in it. Use that verse.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Deus Absconditus said:


> I didn't see an italicized part, but I did realize that I meant to say "the thoughts were presenting something to me that was not very apparent at the surface level"
> 
> So now we have illuminated the core of your problem, what type of closure do you think you need? One with the person in mind? Or one with the person you were (use to be) when that other person (that you are obsessively thinking of) was present in your life? Maybe both?
> 
> Most times if you feel/think you need closure, its usually that you need closure with the person you use to be in that time (when the person being thought about was prevalent in your life), which would then help you be able to have closure with the person being thought about, or be able to open up to them about things that you were previously unaware of before but now need to get off of your chest which would ensure complete closure.


If thats true in my case, it would be absolutely appalling/embarrassing/ew to get closure with the person I was at that time. Or rather what my person was going through. The person I have obsessive thoughts about helped me feel better about what I was going through. So that's why I cling to the thought. 



> *The good thoughts could also be perpetuating the infatuation, since most people like to hold on rather than let go of the "good" thoughts. This leads them to be completely consumed by them, as a sort of ego boosting mechanism, it helps the individual feel good at the expense of helping the individual build themselves up from their thoughts.* This is also why I think considering thoughts as "good" or "bad" is not a beneficial thing, because in both cases they limit the individual to what they take from these thoughts, it oppresses one side of the thought in favor for some other side.


Precisely.

I don't know how else I could label my thoughts as.


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