# Cant Hold A job? I dont know If I am just dumb! plz help :(



## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

I cant seem to really hold a job. My first job was in a hair salon as a receptionist and we did kids partys there so I did that too. I liked it a lot but I stopped getting hours. I am really bad at taking directions and following instructions. I have really chronic social anxiety, and not in a way I can hide, like I sound dumb when I talk.

My second job was a hostess at a restaurant and It was too much for me, I couldn't greet people and deal with them, and I *SOOO *didnt have the external senceing skills for some of the waitoring stuff I had to do.
Now I am working a speciality retail job and Ive been working there a month and Im still fucking up w/the cash register and tonight it took me an hour to close the store alone and I couldt get the machine to shut down and I didnt lock the doors right so IDK if I want to quit before I get fired or just wait and get fired.

Like I feel so bad always fucking up, like I am such a burden. But also its better to mess up bc youre anxious then messing up because you dont care.

Should I try retail elsewhere?

I have a job interview at a hair salon as a receptionist tmro which I might like because I really love hair but I am worried I will just fuck up really bad!!!

Im all talk and no show, I am really nice and stuff but I really lack common abilitys and skills. I know self diagnosis is wrong and bla bla bla but I am more or less sure I have BPD or most of the traits of it (im a psych major okay lol)

Like IDEK what I will do for a long period job. The only things that are realistic and that I could do and like are makeup artist and pre school teacher/child care worker but both may only slightly above minnum wage if im lucky (12-18) My sisters frist job out of uni is paying her 27/hour!

Like I had a meltdown this morning over work last night... I still feel really sick from that meltdown...


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Aw, I am so sorry you are dealing with this 

It sounds like you would do better with a lower-tempo position, though I don't think you should quit your job right now unless you really think you are absolutely going to get fired the next time you walk in the door. I also think the hair salon receptionist position is worth a shot for sure - good luck on your interview! - but retail just tends to suck for introverts in general unless you find certain niches. I worked at a jewelry counter in a department store once, which I found to be fairly quiet and easy, without much technical skill needed, and it was pleasing to help people choose jewelry. 

For the long term, I think you might want to do some research into what jobs include both your passions and lower-key environments, like quieter spaces and working one-on-one. Makeup artist sounds like a great idea. I wouldn't worry so much about low-wage though... It doesn't really matter exactly what you get paid once you make enough to live comfortably on your own terms. Just find that threshold and worry about meeting that.


----------



## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

Ok first of all, if you struggle with anxiety then you might want to stop going for jobs that require you to constantly deal with people and their petty crap, which you will get endless amounts of in retail and most certainly being a Server. (my dad berates waitresses all the time and it makes me want to kick him in his fat face). STAY AWAY from those kinds of jobs because it will only makes things worse by the sounds of it. Hair salon might be alright though, give it a shot.

Secondly, I highly doubt you are borderline. People with borderline personality almost never see what they are doing until they've been through years of therapy and/or have had interventions from friends/family. The mere fact you acknowledge something is discordant inside you suggests you're not borderline.

You just seem like you have a crippling amount of anxiety, and NO you're not stupid, erase that thought right away. it's the anxiety overwhelming you, not your brain. If that anxiety isn't present with kids I'd say go for that. If you're at least somewhat computer literate you might look into Medical Billing. It's not too difficult, yet it's still important enough that you'll make a difference, and most of the human interaction will be over the phone in a medical office somewhere, plus you'll have the option of working from home once you're experienced.

EDIT: OH also, how are you with animals? You should look into work at a vet's office, maybe volunteer at some shelters first. OR just good ol fashioned dog sitting/walking. I knew an INFJ in college that actually did well just baby sitting dogs and walking them, although you do need to get in well with the owners first.


----------



## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

See if any of this sounds familiar:

Nonverbal learning disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## Kendricorn (May 28, 2014)

I can say, first off, you absolutely need to work on yourself to see improvement. I know it's so easy to tell other people to talk to a professional because it's such a hassle and I'm a hypocrite in this, but they will be the most help to you if you are struggling with things like anxiety. My first job was working in fast food which is fast-paced, social and confrontation, basically everything you do not want with anxiety... Plus the pay sucked. I'll admit I felt like a failure for a long time after I quit. I couldn't even do fast food? What was wrong with me? But I came to realize that everyone is different and while some jobs are perfect for others, they are not perfect for me. 

I currently work as a receptionist and I'll admit I love that part of the job. I've had a couple of upsets but I got blessed with the people I work with. I would definitely stick with it if not for some other issues. I say keep trying until something fits for you, learn as many exercises for managing anxiety until one helps, speak with a professional and always have a hobby or passion to look forward to at the end of the day... Even if it's just looking forward to marathoning something on Netflix. Half of the reason I get through my bad days is looking forward to a hot cup of tea and some Futurama. 

There's definitely a lot of stress with long term plans and I know I still feel it. They tell you you have to know what you want to do out of high school but I've met a lot of people in their thirties still playing with career plans. I know this isn't the best advice but sometimes you just have to play around with things. Take classes, talk to people in the fields you're considering, be honest with yourself if something isn't working and, again, always give yourself something to look forward to in short term and long term. It'll make the crappy times less crappy. 

I feel like most of that was dime store advice. :\


----------



## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

thanks guys. it turns out my boss was okay with me messing up the closing of the store because it was my first time, but I feel like the meltdown I had when that happened scarred my brain...
On another note, if I am not borderline, what am I? I feel like I fit most of the criteria for it, expect its very internal inside me and I am very self aware that I am emotionally unstable.
The nonverbal learning disorder sounds accurate... any kind of math overides my brain and even if I am counting cash I need to say the numbers outloud. I would say my motor skills are okay, but I dont inatley know how to fix things like others can.
But its just hard finding a job that I could realistically obtain the education for that I would be good at, enjoy, and that would pay at least 17/hour.


----------



## FakeLefty (Aug 19, 2013)

Zibziby said:


> thanks guys. it turns out my boss was okay with me messing up the closing of the store because it was my first time, but I feel like the meltdown I had when that happened scarred my brain...
> On another note, if I am not borderline, what am I? I feel like I fit most of the criteria for it, expect its very internal inside me and I am very self aware that I am emotionally unstable.
> The nonverbal learning disorder sounds accurate... any kind of math overides my brain and even if I am counting cash I need to say the numbers outloud. I would say my motor skills are okay, but I dont inatley know how to fix things like others can.
> But its just hard finding a job that I could realistically obtain the education for that I would be good at, enjoy, and that would pay at least 17/hour.


Seems like you have issues with anxiety rather than borderline disorder.


----------



## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

yeah it sounds like you're just hyper-focused on your anxiety and how it's limiting you.... Do you also meet the borderline criteria for idealizing/devaluing people in your life? You might want to see someone if so.

You also seem very certain that something's wrong with you clinically, but maybe you're just beating yourself up a lot?


----------



## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

You're never gonna be good at those kind of jobs. Just like I am never going to be a car salesman. 

You don't have any kind of personality disorder. You have a slight learning disability --I actually have something similar in relation to spatial reasoning/instruction --that causes underperformance in this area. This underperformance causes anxiety, which only makes you worse at this kind of thing. But remove the anxiety, remove the inability to pay attention, and you still won't be good at it. It just isn't your thing. 

Even if you are paying attention 100%, and totally anxiety free. That isn't the issue. You're still going to have a problem with those tasks. You need to find something that focuses on your strengths, probably verbal intelligence, where you don't have to immediately reference or make quick decisions in the environment. 

You are young. You have a long time to figure this out.


----------



## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

Not trying to turn a person into a debate here..... but how can you be certain the task problems preceded the anxiety and not vice versa? Rampant anxiety causes all kinds of task performance problems, quantitative and otherwise. She also had difficulty interacting with customers.

Zib, how do you do on counting things when like NO ONE is around and there's no pressure on you to do it quickly? Like counting the cash in your purse alone in your room? If you still have problems with those kinds of things when there's no external pressures then Fear&T is probably spot on. In any case, you should talk to a professional that knows about these things to be sure. 

I hope you figure it out  hang in there.


----------



## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

Uh, I think when I am counting around people I feel pressured to do it in my head and not outloud like a six year old, so if I had a bucket of change I was counting alone, I would separate it into groups of coins and then dollers for example.
Yeah, IDK if it is that task problems give me anxiety, or anxiety causes issues with doing task problems.


----------



## Sangmu (Feb 18, 2014)

FearAndTrembling said:


> See if any of this sounds familiar:
> 
> Nonverbal learning disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


 Wow.... this almost explained my life....*scared*

I was labelled as learning disability not otherwise specified and "self-advocacy issues". I was constantly in trouble at school for inappropiateness, causing things to fall, not following directions, had excellent language and verbals skills, low math ability, had severe social anxiety etc. 

I don't have problems with humour though so I'm gonna say neigh.


----------

