# He's cheating, should I tell her?



## Alitta88 (Nov 4, 2009)

*I know this girl who's my friend for 3 years, she's a nice girl she's really a wonderful person, she has been in love with her boyfriend for 5 years, they have been together for 4 years , her boyfriend is a quite handsome guy but he's kind of playboy, I respect them both her bf is so friendly to me and i consider him as a friend too and you cannot imagine how much she loves him she's ready to do anything for him.*
*A week ago, I was passing by when I noticed her boyfriend talking to another girl first I said it's maybe a friend or one of his relatives but then I saw them holding hands and kissing and I get chocked I wanted for second to kill him how could he cheat on my friend who's been in love with him for 5 years and would give the world for him ??*
*Should I tell my friend or not ? but I'm afraid that I would be the one who destroyed their relationship but doesn't she have the right to know ? I'm feeling sad for her... God ! Boys are such a pain ..:angry::angry:*


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## mcgooglian (Nov 12, 2008)

I think she does have the right to know. If the relationship ends because of that, just remember that it's not your fault, it's her boyfriend's fault for cheating.


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## gloosle (Oct 20, 2009)

Its a tough situation to be in for sure. I think it is best to tell your friend even if she does get upset with you. in the long run she will thank you for telling her. She will eventually find out, and that's a fact, even if it is sometime down the road. Tell her. 

Consider this: if you don't tell her he is cheating and when she eventually finds out that he was...what will she think when she finds out you already knew about it?



> * God ! Boys are such a pain ..*


HEY! only the stupid ones are a pain :tongue::tongue:


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

I have to agree with telling her. It might hurt her, but she needs to know. If this guy is cheating on her, he doesn't deserve her and she needs to get rid of him and move on.


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## unbeingdead (Nov 1, 2009)

yes. tell her. this is definitely something that i would want to know. it will hurt her, but she'll thank you for it later.


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## billydamndean (Oct 26, 2009)

Your a girl
girls are suppose to tell stuff like that


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## knght990 (Jul 28, 2009)

Tell her, be true to your friends


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## sooner (Jun 30, 2009)

billydamndean said:


> Your a girl
> girls are suppose to tell stuff like that


God, that is one of the worst sexist remarks i have ever hear.

That is like saying "Your a girl, you are supposed to cook for me."


But, I think you should let one of your other friends know so that they can tell her. That way you can remain friends with both people. If you tell her straightforward she will wonder why you didn't tell her earlier and it may damage your friendship.


Neutrality is a wonderful thing.


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## Evolution (Nov 1, 2009)

Most definitely tell her, It will hurt her far more to find out later, and learn to know that you knew all this time.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

You should confront the guy, tell him you know, and give him an ultimatum. Tell him that if he doesn't confess before the week is over, you will have to tell your friend, in good conscience. Give him a specific deadline, and make sure he knows that you will discuss the issue with your friend on that date whether he has told her or not.


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## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

I'm going to buck the trend here and give you a rule of thumb that has served me VERY well:

When in doubt, keep your mouth shut. 

That means even after they eventually break up. (Which they WILL)

There are a lot of ways this can go wrong - she may not believe you (or want to believe you) 
If she does believe you, she may not want to do anything about it or not handle it the way you want, but now you know about it and that's embarrassing to her. Telling her this is like saying "you should break up with him" and being a witness to her choice. If they work it out, how comfortable will she be with you? Once he is confronted, it will be him or you. 
She might already know. She might see you telling her as meddling or jealousy.
Even if she appreciates you telling her, she has only your word to go on - which will not be a strong case when confronting him (ESPECIALLY if she is attached and looking for a reason to forgive or deny it). 
But to me, the most important reason is that her relationship with him IS NOT your responsibility. 

Unless you KNOW she would want you to tell her (sounds like you _don't_ know that) then just forget you saw anything. If you see more evidence or she starts to suspect, you can encourage that. Plus, you can always change your mind later, but once you spill the beans, you are guaranteed drama.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

Something like that happended to me before. I caught a friend's boyfriend kissing another girl. I told her, she confronted him and they broke up. However, she decided later that she couldn't live without him and gave him a second chance. Of course, the guy didn't like me hanging out with his girlfriend. I didn't see much of her after that. We eventually lost contact.

I'm with snail. Let the guy confess as the first option.


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## Alitta88 (Nov 4, 2009)

*thank you guys for your help, I think I should face her boyfriend first..*


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## Jorge (Aug 5, 2009)

Alitta88 said:


> *thank you guys for your help, I think I should face her boyfriend first..*


If you must do anything, then yeah, this is the clear course of action. 

Snail, Rouge and Lepthe are the only ones with concrete experience about this apparently, and one that provide a realistic outcome of this.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Alitta88 said:


> *I know this girl who's my friend for 3 years, she's a nice girl she's really a wonderful person, she has been in love with her boyfriend for 5 years, they have been together for 4 years , her boyfriend is a quite handsome guy but he's kind of playboy, I respect them both her bf is so friendly to me and i consider him as a friend too and you cannot imagine how much she loves him she's ready to do anything for him.*
> *A week ago, I was passing by when I noticed her boyfriend talking to another girl first I said it's maybe a friend or one of his relatives but then I saw them holding hands and kissing and I get chocked I wanted for second to kill him how could he cheat on my friend who's been in love with him for 5 years and would give the world for him ??*
> *Should I tell my friend or not ? but I'm afraid that I would be the one who destroyed their relationship but doesn't she have the right to know ? I'm feeling sad for her... God ! Boys are such a pain ..:angry::angry:*


*


Telling is INFJ behaviour. You will diminish your Perception and be less likely to be accepted if you tell. This will cause you distress. It is not in your character. Leave it to somebody else. *


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Alitta88 said:


> *I know this girl who's my friend for 3 years, she's a nice girl she's really a wonderful person, she has been in love with her boyfriend for 5 years, they have been together for 4 years , her boyfriend is a quite handsome guy but he's kind of playboy, I respect them both her bf is so friendly to me and i consider him as a friend too and you cannot imagine how much she loves him she's ready to do anything for him.*
> *A week ago, I was passing by when I noticed her boyfriend talking to another girl first I said it's maybe a friend or one of his relatives but then I saw them holding hands and kissing and I get chocked I wanted for second to kill him how could he cheat on my friend who's been in love with him for 5 years and would give the world for him ??*
> *Should I tell my friend or not ? but I'm afraid that I would be the one who destroyed their relationship but doesn't she have the right to know ? I'm feeling sad for her... God ! Boys are such a pain ..:angry::angry:*


*


Telling is INFJ behaviour. You will diminish your Perception and be less likely to be accepted if you tell. This will cause you distress. It is not in your character. Leave it to somebody else. *

PS: The ISFJ kind of love is different from the INFP type.


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## Inky (Dec 2, 2008)

If you tell her a lot of things that are uncalled for may happen, as had Lepthe mentioned.
The only good reason for this is because you feel you should as a good friend. But it might endanger your relationship with both the friend and the boyfriend.

If you don't tell her, nobody will know that you knew. So can just continue acting like you don't know. Turn a blind eye. It is not wrong because their relationship is not your concern.(Different story if her boyfriend is flirting with you - then it becomes your concern, and you should tell her.)

Maybe you can see who the other girl is and tell her that the guy already has a girlfriend - in a nice way of course. If she doesn't know about it, your job is done. If she does know about it... 

I say better to leave it alone.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

if you tell her she'll be angry with you and probably ignore the facts altogether


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

I'd tell her. If she is your friend it is your duty to tell her. If she is no longer your friend because of it she's a bitch and you don't want to be her friend anyway. Thats my opinion.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

Do not tell your girl friend.

Talk to her boyfriend. Tell him that you saw him kissing a girl, and if the girl was not his relative, you will consider him cheating at your friend, and his action somehow had hurt your feelings because you really care for your friend.

Tell him that you won't talk to his girlfriend about this, because you trust that he and your friend will be able to work this out together without your intervention. But also tell him that if you ever saw him did the same action again, you will not hesitate to inform it to his girlfriend, because it hurts you to see him cheating on her.

After that, step back, walk away, and shut your mouth.


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