# do you find it impossible to hate other people?



## mhysa (Nov 27, 2014)

i just can't bring myself to hate anyone, no matter what. even if they did something horrible, i can't help but think of what they might have been through to make them that way, and it just makes me feel bad. 

don't get me wrong, i hold people accountable and responsible for their actions (although it's usually with some difficulty), i just can't imagine anyone being bad without some cause or reason.


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## TheProphetLaLa (Aug 18, 2014)

Hate is a pretty strong word. I do think I can feel it at times but it never lasts long. I can't hold on to it. Its slippery, and maybe for good reason. Its not a good or productive emotion to feel.


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## mhysa (Nov 27, 2014)

TheProphetLaLa said:


> Hate is a pretty strong word. I do think I can feel it at times but it never lasts long. I can't hold on to it. Its slippery, and maybe for good reason. Its not a good or productive emotion to feel.


it really isn't, and i kinda marvel at people who do claim to have hate for others and hold grudges. can't imagine going through life that way, i think i would go crazy


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

I can often feel frustrated with a person but generally my hate is aimed at what they've done, not to them as a person.
This also helps from making things overly personal by sticking it to the beliefs and actions.
Also helps to try and be conscious that one doesn't have access to all information about a person, some people I think have views that are implicit in the perpetuation of great harm. But just as it's easy to vilify them for this, one often learns that they're not monsters but the average person, they have families and friends.
So it's good to view people holistically for all their parts rather than ignore some in favor of an averaged image as being good or bad.


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## silentkitty (Jun 3, 2015)

It's definitely not impossible.... but it's very difficult to earn my hate. However, I'm easily annoyed.


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## Millie (Nov 22, 2014)

You have to really go above and beyond to earn my hatred. But there are a few folks have have managed it.


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## JFT (Jun 2, 2015)

I can't hate anyone... I can't even hold a grudge for longer than like a week at most if not a day.

I recently quoted this somewhere on the forums but it seems even more appropriate here:

"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves." -Ender's Game


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

Well, I don't believe in hating people (i.e. it is against my moral code to hate people). So even if I could, I would feel guilty and remember that they are people too and it would go away (although I'm not sure I ever really hated anyone ... angry, sure, and somethings I feel guilty for expressing that anger or being too angry). But I can be angry at people, although it usually does not last long (unless someone habitually earns my anger, then it can last longer).


That all said, I do hate certain actions and intentions, but I don't hate people.


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## Diminuendo (Jun 1, 2015)

I find it hard to hold people accountable sometimes. Even someone who does something detestable, does it because they're influenced by past experiences, environmental factors, something in their nature, etc., so I'm more inclined to pity than hate them. I don't know


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## RubiksCubix (Oct 29, 2014)

I totally sympathize. It just sort of doesn't register in my mind-- it isn't very compatible with my main way of thinking.


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## Lunar Lamp (Sep 21, 2014)

I find it very difficult to hate people. I can resent them, but that's far more of a gut reaction/defense mechanism than what I consider to be hatred. It holds no conviction. (I know it's silly and unrealistic, but I secretly want to love everyone, and I'm disappointed when I can't. lol.)


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## aurelief (Apr 5, 2014)

I've thought about this before. If you asked me if there was anyone I hated or even just disliked, I am seriously hard-pressed to come up with a single name.

There are people who irritate me, who frustrate me, who sometimes disgust me, but even so I do not feel as though I dislike/hate the PERSON himself. I cannot see individual actions of a person to be his whole person, and I cannot (yet) see a whole person as 'evil' enough to hate. I think it may be due to a fundamental perception that everyone is 'neutral' unless proven to be evil/bad by EVERYONE--otherwise any actions that irritate me isn't the same as the person being inherently bad.

Of course, perhaps in the future someone will hurt me so badly that I will hate him, but I am doubtful that will happen.

Then again, I have 'INFJ-doorslammed' people before, one of whom I still see daily in school (unavoidably). It was for a number of reasons: 1) being uncomfortable of his persistent attentions when I didn't reciprocate them, 2) aspects of his personality that I just found repulsive, and 3) the final straw--an incident in which he treated one of my friends poorly and that I still cannot forgive. Yet still, I don't hate him. I would just prefer not to interact with him. I ice him out so that I won't have to feel any negativity around him. In a way, you could say that I doorslammed him so that his behaviours won't keep getting to me and that I won't end up hating him. Hmm.


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## Ghostsoul (May 10, 2014)

I feel like I can hate people, and have done so before.
Not many people though, most people aren't worth my time or energy.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

Hate enriches (Warhammer 40,000 4th Edition Rulebook, page 7)

I find hating other people very possible.


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## great_pudgy_owl (Apr 20, 2015)

Yeah.

I can get incredibly angry at a person but never to the extreme of hatred, I'm more likely to pity or even sympathize in the end than become hateful. When I was younger I decided to try holding a grudge since I kept hearing about it at the time and wanted to see if it was really possible to stay angry for so long, I couldn't. But I guess it isn't exactly something you choose anyway


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## misfortuneteller (Apr 4, 2015)

I have the opposite problem.


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## Besta Sadia (May 21, 2015)

This is one of those aspects in which I find myself so far off from the general NF point of view. How can you _not_ hate people? How can idealists be this assertive when someone's existence crosses our line on its own? As far as I'm concerned hate is always there, hate is a perfectly justifiable, acceptable feeling, healthy to some degree. Hatred based on anything other than prejudice, our own form of human hatred, so long as it is kept off of the physical world, is necessary.

I was quite the forgiving type of person too, but just gradually lost faith in the people I on and off hated, and accepted that I just _had_ to hate and vilify them and shove them clear out of my social circle. It sometimes is the best thing to do, for your own mental health, and your own peers'. 

I've bonded with so many people over hate it even gets ridiculous. Especially with fellow NFs. We all crack a joke, we're all a little embarassed to feel it, we get a little closer. In return we clean our social pools and enrich them. Can't say it harms us.

Overall I found that hating some is more of a proof of love and loyalty to those who really matter than trusting the good you see in everyone. Well founded hate needs to exist. Get out there and hate your local ESTJ. It's really worth it. :laughing:


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## AnalytiKathy (May 29, 2015)

Besta Sadia said:


> I've *bonded with so many people over hate it even gets ridiculous. Especially with fellow NFs.* We all crack a joke, we're all a little embarassed to feel it, we get a little closer. In return we clean our social pools and enrich them. Can't say it harms us.


Some common, even religious, ethical rules make this kind of bonding and support all the more difficult. 

Anger is wrong, don't be judgmental, gossip is evil and wrong, don't talk behind peoples' backs, everyone's a sinner> all this allows for evil acts to go unchecked

No wonder Christianity was known as the religion for followers


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

Yeah, I hate some people..... 

But at the same time, I can't imagine myself ever ignoring someone's basic humanity. That's the key difference, I think.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

This story about an angry man and Buddah has stuck with me since I first read it.



> *The Buddah teaches a lesson on forgiveness.*
> 
> The Buddha was sitting under a tree talking to his disciples when a man came and spit on his face. He wiped it off, and he asked the man, “What next? What do you want to say next?” The man was a little puzzled because he himself never expected that when you spit on somebody’s face, he will ask, “What next?” He had no such experience in his past. He had insulted people and they had become angry and they had reacted. Or if they were cowards and weaklings, they had smiled, trying to bribe the man. But Buddha was like neither, he was not angry nor in any way offended, nor in any way cowardly. But just matter-of-factly he said, “What next?” There was no reaction on his part.
> 
> ...


source


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## KC (May 5, 2011)

Unfortunately, breaking the trend of thought here, I find it all too easy to hate someone. Not sure if it has any correlation with type or is it a matter of personal upbringing but yeah. 

Grudges I've held have lasted for years (and counting) though some of them, I've slowly lessened my hatred or distaste with them through time but that doesn't mean we can just shake hands and be friends. 

However, that doesn't mean that I actively go around and hate people. Focusing my hatred on someone I can do for a long time (relative to everyone else here that is) which is about a few weeks or months or so, but sooner or later, it just gets pushed back to the recesses of my mind and I focus on something else. 

When that person pops up again, either through physical presence or in conversation, the feelings of resentment would resurface to a degree but from there, I'll just try and actively forget it or distract myself. 

And no, I'm not a Si-dom, just Asian.


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## Aurus (Jan 8, 2016)

Nope, not at all. It can be difficult sometimes but i can think of one really good example that made me be outside of my own head at times...


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## fleursdetilleul (Dec 21, 2015)

I can't seem to hate anyone either. Just recently someone with a rough past played with my heart and I really wasn't mad at all! When it comes to grudges, I have only one that lasts for years already and it's against a relative...for good reasons. It's really hard to piss me off so much to make me hold a grudge against you or to hate you.


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## opeli (Aug 10, 2015)

_"Hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like you!" _
This lyric just about sums it up. I can't "hate", but I can despise.


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## another number (Feb 26, 2013)

Its more like I drown in rage, then just feel sad. Sad we fight against each other, broken children. Craving the love of some, then pushing others away. Valuing, devaluing, judging, racism, bigotry. Hate isn't the word. But ya I get pissed off about it all.


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

Indeed I do.

Even the most annoying person on earth would have at least one beautiful quality in them.


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## StarFollowed (May 5, 2014)

mhysa said:


> i just can't bring myself to hate anyone, no matter what. even if they did something horrible, i can't help but think of what they might have been through to make them that way, and it just makes me feel bad.
> 
> don't get me wrong, i hold people accountable and responsible for their actions (although it's usually with some difficulty), i just can't imagine anyone being bad without some cause or reason.


I don't hate others either. I might strongly dislike what/how someone has done/treated me, but I don't hate. I don't want to waste my energy polluting my body with negative emotions like hate and jealousy.


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## ilia (Jun 23, 2012)

I know hate and anger are negative energy which will only drain me out, but from time to time, I just can't help from hating selected people. Sometimes for no reasons whatsoever. When I felt that way I try my best to being not in contact with them, until the hate just go away. When I hate them for reasons (most likely for being detestable persons), I try my best to only hate their act. After that I try to analyze where they are coming from, until I understand their motive. By the time I succeeded in doing that, the hate just turns into pity.

I consider having hate and anger as a defeat, and I don't like it.


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## Ubuntu (Jun 17, 2011)

Not really. I can completely despise people and find them to be completely obnoxious and most if not all of it is frustration and confusion about why they don't mind being the way that they are or how they don't seem to justify their behavior by some kind of 'objective' standard of 'fairness' (not moral realism but judgments that aren't based on their own personal feelings, being impartial, not being a hypocrite, holding everyone to the same standard etc.) or why we just have radically different personalities or my wanting 'credit' for not having disrespected or intentionally wronged them, not being corny and obsessive the way they are or something else. It might be because I'm too passive and introverted that I wouldn't want revenge (or at least that would be very rare), I wouldn't take it if I had the opportunity because I don't 'care' about them like that, what really bothers me is that a person could be that way and that I'll come across more in future. I might not care if they stopped existing. I might honestly think 'the world', or my situation, would be so much better without people who are like them and want them to die for that reason (I'm not claiming that any of this is rational or that it's not self-righteous or egotistical and my part, just saying how I sometimes actually feel) and I might vent my negative feelings about them, but I don't _want _them to suffer, as lame as that might sound. I don't really care about specific individuals or give them attention, at least if I don't have to deal with them on a regular basis. If my wounds heal (maybe in a day or two if the actual issue is over with, when I was younger it could be like a week) then I'll have to go out of my way to hold onto negative feelings and I've found myself trying to fight against feeling sorry for people I've had an issue with in the past because I didn't want to go back and forth. None of the people who bother me are 'special' to me, anyone of them is like any other so it's more like the problem of the situation and human nature that stays with me. I don't care what someone has done in the past unless I assume, because they've switched back and forth, that they'll do it again in the future.


I could go on and I'm sure I'll think of something I could clarify later.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Hm, not really. I find it very easy to hate people, once they hit a couple "checks" in my evaluation of them (i.e.: hypocrisy when convenient, opportunistic, power-hungry, selfish to the point of willfully causing destruction to others/environment, lack of willingness (not ability) to think about less fortunate people and groups, etc.) 

The majority of those traits are actually personal choices regardless of upbringing, and I speak as a person who has close friends and family who grew up in absolutely abominable circumstances, those that old Eminem would be traumatized by. They're hurt, but kind and compassionate people (with a slightly hard exterior) as a result of those past experiences. Hence I never bought into the excuse that it's all about the environment. No, the environment gives the context, but unless we're talking dire life-and-death situation, it's _always_ their choice. And so, I do hate those who knowingly make destructive choices to further themselves, with no regard to tempering the damage or engaging their social conscientiousness.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

It's impossible to not hate other people. Everyone is an enemy in a ruthless, silent war for survival. Everyone who isn't me deserves to die.


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## Roland Khan (May 10, 2009)

Is it considered "hate" if one laughs when the other person dies? I was happy when I heard about Scalia, and there are others which I would feel the same way....if that counts then I find it comes rather naturally, and therefore easy.


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## LoneBreeze (Nov 9, 2015)

I don't think I've ever hated someone. To be honest it's hard to define "hate", if it means feeling so negative towards someone that you would wish death on them, then no. I've despise people before, but I've never wished any harm on them. I just avoid as much interaction as possible.


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## meandeer (Feb 17, 2016)

well I might dislike someone because of their actions however i can't stop myself thinking about their reasons 
sometimes I can understand the cause that led them to do that action and end up sympathizing instead


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## Roland Khan (May 10, 2009)

meandeer said:


> well I might dislike someone because of their actions however i can't stop myself thinking about their reasons
> sometimes I can understand the cause that led them to do that action and end up sympathizing instead


I relate much to this (and it's very common for me in a lot of more personal aspects of people and their actions that don't affect many others), however there are still some times when I've heard their reasons and/or what caused it and I don't find them something I can at all sympathize with because it has too much affect on others' lives and they've had good opportunity to recognize this themselves and correct it, yet they choose not to due to their own personal whims and for this I may not actually wish death upon them, yet I would still be happy to hear that it found them on it's own.


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## meandeer (Feb 17, 2016)

Roland Khan said:


> I relate much to this (and it's very common for me in a lot of more personal aspects of people and their actions that don't affect many others), however there are still some times when I've heard their reasons and/or what caused it and I don't find them something I can at all sympathize with because it has too much affect on others' lives and they've had good opportunity to recognize this themselves and correct it, yet they choose not to due to their own personal whims and for this I may not actually wish death upon them, yet I would still be happy to hear that it found them on it's own.


it depends on the situation and the people really...
sometimes i can't help but think that under pressure i might do some horrible action to save a loved one without thinking about the consequences of my actions and their effect on other people's lives surely i would regret after and try to make up for it..
some people find it so hard to apologize they might hate themselves forever because of what they have done but their pride stops them from doing the right thing they might try to fix it indirectly without appearing in the picture 
at the end we don't see the full picture we can't see what is inside people


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## taqwoman (Feb 5, 2016)

Pfft. I hate everyone in some way.

But i also sympathize with everyone in some way too.


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## taqwoman (Feb 5, 2016)

Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar said:


> It's impossible to not hate other people. Everyone is an enemy in a ruthless, silent war for survival. Everyone who isn't me deserves to die.


So you want to be...the only person on earth?


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

taqwoman said:


> So you want to be...the only person on earth?


Not really  .


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## McFluff (Feb 17, 2016)

I can hate purely evil people for sure... but I don't truly hate anyone in my personal life as of now. I've tried to, but I always see things from the other guy's perspective, which deters me from truly hating someone.


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## Turlowe (Aug 4, 2014)

Impossible? No, I have hated people in the past. I may hate some people in the future. I have learned though not to give into hatred easily, I may hate peoples actions, but I rarely hate them. This is partially due to having empathy for others, and partly from awareness that hatred is more destructive to me than the object of hatred.


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## succubus (Dec 5, 2012)

I find it impossible to like people.


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## The Dude (May 20, 2010)

mhysa said:


> i just can't bring myself to hate anyone, no matter what. even if they did something horrible, i can't help but think of what they might have been through to make them that way, and it just makes me feel bad.
> 
> don't get me wrong, i hold people accountable and responsible for their actions (although it's usually with some difficulty), i just can't imagine anyone being bad without some cause or reason.


In the short term I can hate, but over time I forgive and move on with my life.


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## Marvin the Dendroid (Sep 10, 2015)

Mm.


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## Cascadia (Mar 3, 2016)

mhysa said:


> i just can't bring myself to hate anyone, no matter what. even if they did something horrible, i can't help but think of what they might have been through to make them that way, and it just makes me feel bad.
> 
> don't get me wrong, i hold people accountable and responsible for their actions (although it's usually with some difficulty), i just can't imagine anyone being bad without some cause or reason.


Same here, when I was little I was appalled at the real-life violence I saw on the TV (news and entertainment both), and the only way I could rationalize it was that people were sick. in my dreams I would try to stop whatever drove the violence. I would lead other children across battle lines to make the soldiers stop shooting at each other, or I would ask the psychopathic killer who grabbed me why he felt the way he did and engage in empathetic conversation with him and he would break into sobs, or I would go back in time and talk to Hitler about why he was killing the Jews and draw out what was hurting him to make him do such a thing. I continue to think of violence as a state of mental illness, and institutional violence (war, predatory takeovers) as a societal mental illness.


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## Goetterdaemmerung (Dec 25, 2015)

Depends on my mood.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

If hate is supposed to coincide with a particular emotion then no answer. I don't think I hated anyone.


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## ishan (Apr 1, 2016)

I can only really hate someone if they intentionally try to cause harm.


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