# What's the best way to tell if you're Fi or Fe?



## melloi (Jul 14, 2019)

I know one could read a bunch of Fi and Fe descriptions to determine which one he uses more often.
But I'm interested in real-world practical examples of identifying whether you're Fi or Fe, and more so, I'm looking for an actual "toolbox" of exercises I could do whenever observing my own behavior on a daily basis, to determine whether I lean more towards Fi or Fe.

Any pointers on how to achieve that?


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

I can't really say how this works concretely for Fi types but as a Fe type, I often take that the "people say it is so, then it probably is so, or something close to that at least" type of reasoning for most things. Of course this leads to trouble because people say all kinds of things, but even then, it's an external conflict of values, not an internal one. I also don't really think in terms of "my values", people talk about those here all the time, IRL people don't make statements like that, they either express values or act accordingly... for me, there are just values (generally) that I either share or don't chime with, it's easy to see which values are generally considered the "best" in whichever context and so on...

Fi appears much more harmonious and subtle about values, doesn't bring them up in conversations. Only if you do something that they really don't agree with, you'll notice it. I'm saying, you'll feel it in your skin. They don't like it one bit. I still think they are far more likely to leave your company than try to impose their values on you. Might chastise you in some way though, make you feel like a bad person without ever outright saying it. Establishes friendship by recognizing individual differences/similarities like personal attributes*, creating unique bonds with people.

Fe might not really talk about values either, at least not all the time lol, but they never stop expressing them in some ways. Showing off engagement rings and stuff, it's all Fe. Might be into various causes that have nothing to do with one another, or if they have a bit more Ti might be pretty ideological. Tries to enlighten you about what's good, important and worthwhile in life. Makes friends by recognizing more general differences/similarities ("Oh lol I grew up in Paris too, we have so much in common yadda yadda"), and by sharing emotional experiences, i.e. misery loves company.

* not saying that Fe types don't notice these or enjoy them... but in initial conversation, Fe wants to establish a tone, and it's easier to do that by looking for commonalities instead of trying to immediately pick up what makes this person distinctive. There are exceptions so this is more of a guideline than a rule.


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## cosmoetic (Mar 24, 2020)

I think the charicature of morality difference between Fe and Fi is "ethical respect" vs "congruous esteem". So let's delve into these two a bit:

A Fe-user wants an environmental state that works out for everyone - and this usually means adhering to principles of some sort. Respecting everyone leads to good ethical outcomes; unless someone breaks from the principles. Then you... kinda get 'em for being mean! It tries to be socially very orderly.

A Fi-user wants the best for a specific person, be that themself or people close to them. It's not necessarily selfish... and, well, not using Fi it's sometimes hard to comprehend... but they do what they understand is the best for each individual perspective. Having rights and rules is important because everyone wants to have certain things, like being appreciated, having friends, and such.

My experience has also been that Fi focuses on knowing valuing these things, rather than acting towards getting there as a Fe user would. A Fe user likes to do things for people, whether that's giving advice or aid or another opinion, simply because these sympathetic actions are good and valuable. A Fi user would probably act because they empathize with the other person's position and know how much they need help. Both want to get help when they need it too, reciprocity is important for feeling in general. But the two different function users just hope to get it for different reasons.


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## melloi (Jul 14, 2019)

- I think my values make _*more sense*_ than the values of other people, and I tend to clash with people on values if they are opposing to mine.
- But at the same time, I don't make a conscious priority on values, as I see them as arbitrary. What matters at the end of the day, is what's functional and what works. My values need to align with reality and real world functionality/utility, if they don't then they're flawed and I will reassess them. (this creates a worry for me, that people can see me as a hypocrite, for shifting values, but I try to ensure that my values align with observable functional reality)
- I love helping people, and I often jump into helping them even if they disagree they need my help. I know I can do things better for them than they can do for themselves.
- I love teaching and transferring information/knowledge in general, and am quite successful at it (have been gathering a lot of people at work for different "classes" on numerous occasions)
- I noticed I have a proclivity to choose sides in a conflict even though I know I should avoid choosing sides as it's ultimately damaging to my personal integrity and freedom. So I'm constantly torn between the instinct to choose and protect a side, and the instinct to maintain my freedom from any side.

Am I using Fi or Fe?


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## Bunniculla (Jul 17, 2017)

I'll give examples of how I've seen Fi and Fe actually work in people:

-Fe: this person sways a lot in their agreement with perspectives and can see many sides to a situation (often too many sides to somebody with lower Fi). They don't come off as judgmental and dislikes conflict, vibes matter a lot to them and they actively try to keep the environment peaceful by taking actions or saying things to keep the mood flowing. They can understand your POV really well but also understands other POVs really well as well, so don't expect them to choose sides. Combined with Ti, they're going to say a lot of general things that fit world views like "That's how people are" or "The world is going to be like that" to remain objective while still trying to help you out. I would describe them as sympathetic.

-Fi: they can come off as self focused and are going to give you their perspective on your situation. Subjective is a word that comes to mind when thinking of Fi (or any "i" really). So they are going to be what is defined as empathetic. High Fi is going to not seem judgmental or rigid, but they keep those values to themselves unless you're affecting them. Lower Fi is going to be way more rigid and have a "my way or the highway" mentality because of Te as well. They have this independent way of thinking, where they do consider external input, but it doesn't affect them as much as it would affect Fe, and even if their actions do get affected, their way of thinking is still very subjectively linked to their values.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

melloi said:


> - I think my values make _*more sense*_ than the values of other people, and I tend to clash with people on values if they are opposing to mine.
> - But at the same time, I don't make a conscious priority on values, as I see them as arbitrary. What matters at the end of the day, is what's functional and what works. My values need to align with reality and real world functionality/utility, if they don't then they're flawed and I will reassess them. (this creates a worry for me, that people can see me as a hypocrite, for shifting values, but I try to ensure that my values align with observable functional reality)
> - I love helping people, and I often jump into helping them even if they disagree they need my help. I know I can do things better for them than they can do for themselves.
> - I love teaching and transferring information/knowledge in general, and am quite successful at it (have been gathering a lot of people at work for different "classes" on numerous occasions)
> ...


Fe - bc your values needs to be aligns with what the reality of the world is and you would reassess them if not - shifting values 
You jump into helping others even when they disagree that they needed help and know that you can do things better for them than themselves ( Fe ) 


Fi would not give advice until asked - whether or not they know or can guess out a situation that is going to happen because they believe nobody can tangle out of their mess or problem besides themselves and that - that individual must see it first - an fi users may ask questions that would help lead a person to finding their own conclusions but they would not tell a person what to do unless asked - mainly because for an fi user - the assumption is nobody understands them better than themselves and often time when an fi users share an experience or something personal - the matter is already done and they’re just opening up , if they need advice they will ask - hence an Fi user may appear defensive when someone give them advice on what to do whether it’s right or wrong - bc they’re not seeking advice they’re opening up 

* Fe feels validated if the advice they receive is similar to what they’re sharing and wouldn’t feel as defensive bc external source gives them reassurance 

Fe and Fi likes to help others- however Fe have a more immediate approach- fi put self in one place and envision themselves as that person and would help through shared/observe experience if they don’t know then they’ll just listen 


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## melloi (Jul 14, 2019)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Fe - bc your values needs to be aligns with what the reality of the world is and you would reassess them if not - shifting values.


F is concerned with people. And using Fe to realign my values, would mean shifting between values of *other people*.
I fundamentally distrust the values of any individual human being, and that also includes distrusting my own values. Which is the reason why I shift values in my journey to finding the "ultimate true" values that align with the tangible world. I constantly shift my values not based on the values I find in/from people (F) but based on the real tangible observations I can find in nature. Hence, I attempt to erase any kind of human influence onto the architecture of my value system.

This is just a clarification, which I probably omitted in my previous post. 



ai.tran.75 said:


> You jump into helping others even when they disagree that they needed help and know that you can do things better for them than themselves ( Fe )


Could just as much be Te. Since Te is focused on finding quicker ways to effective resolutions.


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## The red spirit (Sep 29, 2015)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Fe - bc your values needs to be aligns with what the reality of the world is and you would reassess them if not - shifting values
> You jump into helping others even when they disagree that they needed help and know that you can do things better for them than themselves ( Fe )
> 
> 
> ...


When you think about it, Fe is perceiving function as it sort of accepts others F judgments without questioning it, meanwhile Fi is generating function that makes F based judgments.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

The red spirit said:


> When you think about it, Fe is perceiving function as it sort of accepts others F judgments without questioning it, meanwhile Fi is generating function that makes F based judgments.


I think it depends on how one look at it - Fe tends to follow with what is objectively happening in the outside world - fi values derive from within. Both type can appear extremely judgmental or accepting . Fi in the sense of I’m not going to assume if I don’t know bc I would hate it for anyone to assume anything about me and we are all individuals whereas Fe in the sense of creating harmony . 
As mentioned before - I do see high Fe users giving advice when a person opens up to them way more often than a high fi user would bc for an Fe users they wouldn’t be offended by the advice given but more so their feelings are validated- fi otoh feel that it is invasive bc in their mind they’re thinking “ what makes you think I didn’t do this already “ along with the fact that the type rarely opens up until the matter is resolved with bc it reflects inward first 


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

melloi said:


> F is concerned with people. And using Fe to realign my values, would mean shifting between values of *other people*.
> I fundamentally distrust the values of any individual human being, and that also includes distrusting my own values. Which is the reason why I shift values in my journey to finding the "ultimate true" values that align with the tangible world. I constantly shift my values not based on the values I find in/from people (F) but based on the real tangible observations I can find in nature. Hence, I attempt to erase any kind of human influence onto the architecture of my value system.
> 
> This is just a clarification, which I probably omitted in my previous post.
> ...


I think the model of mbti isn’t merit hence it is flawed- people are more complex- after 6 years on this site I came to a conclusion that my type is pretty much unknown although I may relate to certain functions more than others , however I don’t think it’s the same side of the coin for everyone - human are more complex than that . From your description of finding the ultimate true and trusting real tangible observation externally- it could be Ti. For fi tends to look for things within themselves. What functions do you believe you use ? 


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## The red spirit (Sep 29, 2015)

ai.tran.75 said:


> I think it depends on how one look at it - Fe tends to follow with what is objectively happening in the outside world - fi values derive from within. Both type can appear extremely judgmental or accepting .


But that happens only when T functions step in. Small correction, but important one. Fe let's judgments and F thinking sink in and Ti processes it further. Meanwhile Fi user let's Te judgments sink in and accepts them, but further processing is done with Fi and what could be processed further from what is known. Actually, I must mention that process pipeline depends on type and function position. If I understand OP properly, he wants to understand their stronger forms, so let's use ISFP type for example. ISFP has Fi Se Ni Te. So such type will always be stuck in Fi mode and use accepting Se for most things. However, in conversations, where accepting functions are needed, Se and Te will be used to take in mentioned S and T data (with preference for Sensing data). Then, after a moment that data will be first processed through Fi and and maybe considered via Ni for better perspective. ENTJ type with same functions will have a different order data processing pipeline and type like ESFJ will have inverted order and inverted intake/output data processing pipeline. Understanding order of pipeline makes it questionable if Fi and Fe can even be compared without knowing comparison positions. Just F function alone doesn't mean a jack without rest of them. But now I completely deviated from quoted part of your post... Perhaps I just wanted to say that Fi and Fe are simple elements and that their place in type shouldn't be ignored to get some productive posts that might be actually meaningful for OP.




ai.tran.75 said:


> Fi in the sense of I’m not going to assume if I don’t know bc I would hate it for anyone to assume anything about me and we are all individuals whereas Fe in the sense of creating harmony .


Perhaps Fe is about F type harmony. I don't see why Se, Ne or Te couldn't be considered as harmonizing functions in their respective fields too.




ai.tran.75 said:


> As mentioned before - I do see high Fe users giving advice when a person opens up to them way more often than a high fi user would bc for an Fe users they wouldn’t be offended by the advice given but more so their feelings are validated- fi otoh feel that it is invasive bc in their mind they’re thinking “ what makes you think I didn’t do this already “ along with the fact that the type rarely opens up until the matter is resolved with bc it reflects inward first


I feel that this would depend on individual. I certainly have more experience with ISFPs at least online. They are really open (except some certain cases) about their F stuff, but from what I noticed their F stuff is from themselves. It's their own and it doesn't harmonize situation. Their style looks like "these are my beliefs, perhaps you agree with them too", however their T style is really soft. Te harmonizes conversation, or at least is supposed to, meanwhile Fi is what would be thought or said regardless of other's opinion. Obviously personality clashing is certainly possible, when less than optimal mutual understanding exists. Just imagine ESTJ talking with ISFP. They value some different functions and in different order. It would take a lot of maturity for them to peacefully converse for a long time. I still remember, when Ferroequinologist explained to me how it was draining for him to utilize his inferior Te and weak Ni in his job, where he had to manage some people. He was often exhausted and had to tone himself down to make it all work. 

I frankly don't see a reason, why would Fi dom reject a conversation about F stuff. They are in fact very good at giving their Fi products to others. Do the same with ExTJ and you would get an awkward moment or silence, maybe some evasive move. Do that to IxTP and you will get something pretty generic and a bit cold. Unless IxFP user is immature, aggressive or is teenager, there shouldn't be any excessive cockiness and narcissism. 

however, situation would be different if high Fi or Fe users would have to hear out someone's F type advice. Fi user could easily get annoyed or frustrated, meanwhile high Fe user would just accept it or let it sink in without too much opposition from Fe function (that opposition could arise, but it would be from other Xi function).


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## L P (May 30, 2017)

Do you focus on your feelings or do you focus on the feelings of people around you? I feel like that's the easiest way to tell.

For like super shallow stereotypes:

I feel like Fe people are more likely to smile at strangers out of habit than Fi is. Not a conscious smile, but almost like a reflex. Fe appears on your face more even before you realize it. Super emotive face and tone of voice is a good sign of Fe. Fi can look unemotional at times even if talking about something emotional. If the emotion on someone's face and tone is always easy to read good chance they are Fe.

Fe- alot of people like this, so it's good. 

Fi- I like this, so it's good.

Fe is not personal taste, Fe user will get their personal taste from an introverted function.


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## Lauve (May 10, 2020)

Easy.

Test them in bed.

If the orgasm is louder than a cannon, Fe.
If its like a pause between inhaling and exhaling, Fi.



Hint. Enfjs and a hotel room with other people on the same corridor during day time plus 45min of raw sex = the police will pay you a visit.


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## melloi (Jul 14, 2019)

ai.tran.75 said:


> I think the model of mbti isn’t merit hence it is flawed- people are more complex- after 6 years on this site I came to a conclusion that my type is pretty much unknown although I may relate to certain functions more than others , however I don’t think it’s the same side of the coin for everyone - human are more complex than that . From your description of finding the ultimate true and trusting real tangible observation externally- it could be Ti. For fi tends to look for things within themselves. What functions do you believe you use ?


I'm in the same boat with you. I've spent roughly 5 years trying to figure out MBTI and functions, but I still can't tell what am I or what I use.

Even though I scored fairly highly on Ti in what I'd call a "hibernating state" (in my zone of comfort, alone, at home), I nevertheless displayed more Te-tendencies in the office than anyone else in my immediate environment, and that's considering I work in a company that has 2500+ employees. Within 2 years I grew from a nobody to someone even the CEOs became aware of, changed the work of several departments, pushed through many projects, basically built my "success story" out of nothing and did so very quickly. Was very result-oriented, very feisty/combattive, strict and challenge-seeking. And as my co-worker once noted "You don't care what others say, and you don't mind burning them to get them out of your way."
And frankly I always focused on producing very quick and effective results, sought resolution/closure, had no patience for waiting, every initiative had to be completed as soon as it humanly can, and tried to take charge of the people around me to drive that cause. So I assumed this was _very representative_ of a Te/Fi behavior.
But then again, if you look at how I behave in my "hibernating" comfort state, how I write/structure my posts online, how I fine-tune my ideas and thoughts, it may convincingly come off as Ti. So I don't know.

And even though, based on feedback from people who work or communicate with me, they see me as someone who cares little about other's feelings or opinions, but I personally know that my whole life I was quite intimidated and "threatened" to an extent by how people evaluate the world (and me) and what opinions they hold. What people say about the world and about me - hits extremely close to home, and I just attempt to pretend like I don't care. In part my combattive behavior could be part of a defensive mechanism.


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## Suntide (Dec 22, 2018)

Fe is interpersonal, Fi is intrapersonal.


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## shotgunfingers (May 6, 2020)

melloi said:


> I know one could read a bunch of Fi and Fe descriptions to determine which one he uses more often.
> But I'm interested in real-world practical examples of identifying whether you're Fi or Fe, and more so, I'm looking for an actual "toolbox" of exercises I could do whenever observing my own behavior on a daily basis, to determine whether I lean more towards Fi or Fe.
> 
> Any pointers on how to achieve that?


IF you are a feeler your strongest functions will be Fi & Fe (both). The difference is in what you value more and what you tend to not care much about. If you suck at either, you are probably not a feeler.

Someone with Fi preference looks at how he/she relates to others around themselves. "What is my relationship with X". Values based on such feelings come to mind. (not principles & not "I like muffins")

Someone with Fe preference looks at how others relate to each-other. "What is the relationship between X and Y". Stuff like social convention is Fe related.

A feeler's primary concern is relationships, intrapersonal and interpersonal.


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## Cherry (May 28, 2017)

L P said:


> Do you focus on your feelings or do you focus on the feelings of people around you? I feel like that's the easiest way to tell.
> 
> For like super shallow stereotypes:
> 
> ...


I don't think any of this is true at all...
Fi people can be very animated and expressive in their tone and facial expressions.

And I'm tired of this 'selfish' versus 'selfless' explanation. Both can be either - end of story.


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## melloi (Jul 14, 2019)

shotgunfingers said:


> IF you are a feeler your strongest functions will be Fi & Fe (both). The difference is in what you value more and what you tend to not care much about. If you suck at either, you are probably not a feeler.
> 
> Someone with Fi preference looks at how he/she relates to others around themselves. "What is my relationship with X". Values based on such feelings come to mind. (not principles & not "I like muffins")
> 
> ...


I'm very likely not a feeler, but that's why I'm asking about the difference, since thinkers also use F to a lesser degree, and identifying their orientation is harder.


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## shotgunfingers (May 6, 2020)

melloi said:


> I'm very likely not a feeler, but that's why I'm asking about the difference, since thinkers also use F to a lesser degree, and identifying their orientation is harder.


In my case for example (ignore my displayed type) I value Si-Te-Fi-Ne.. and I sometimes manifest like a Fi dom about value judgments, but mine are very black and white. My Fe tho absolutely sucks and every time I'm in a situation where I have to express myself emotionally or feel together with a group I get stressed out, because I just can't & its awkward as fuck. Its embarrassing and sometimes I'm terrified of socially embarrassing myself because of this.


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## L P (May 30, 2017)

Cherry said:


> I don't think any of this is true at all...
> Fi people can be very animated and expressive in their tone and facial expressions.


Yea, it's not the same.



> And I'm tired of this 'selfish' versus 'selfless' explanation. Both can be either - end of story.


Idk where I said any of that in my post.


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## Glittris (May 15, 2020)

Imagine that you and your best friend as well as a few other random people, some you know, some you dont, are in the decision to choose what cinema to go into, you are all into the same group, some of them are good buddies with your best friend. Now, you are being asked what tickets to buy? Meanwhile the popcorn and candy stand also pick your interest in this cinema lounge...

FI: "I will care for what my closest friend think is a good movie, but what these other strangers in the group believe leaves me indifferent..."
FE: "I will care for what my closest friend think is a good movie, but what these other strangers in the group believe leaves me ambivalent..."

Fi is subjective, as in bottom-up, in order of relation towards each individual, "my best individuals has priority..."
FE is objective, as in top-down, in order of relation towards each grouping, "my best groups has priority..."

If using Fe, it is easy to get persuaded to join in when many of the people in the group want to buy a ticket for a specific movie, but if using Fi, its much easier to get persuaded to join in when your best friend want to buy a ticket for a specific movie.


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## DJeter (May 24, 2011)

For me Fe users (dom/aux) engage with people emotionally. Fi users (dom/aux) tend to be hyperconscious of others' emotions but not looking to change them necessarily. An Fe user will emotionally active and reactive. That's partly how I see it at least.

To put it extremely simply: Fi users will never say the wrong thing (i.e. super conflict avoidant). Fe users will sometimes say the right thing (i.e. create change to better the emotional ecosystem).

Hope this helps.


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## Dscross (Jul 7, 2017)

I personally think it's quite obvious and I think Fe can be quite easy to spot in others. Which is more important to you, making sure everyone is comfortable and in a good mood (at the expense of your authenticity) (Fe) or being authentic to yourself all the time with the comfort of others being secondary to that (Fi)? Does it make you more annoyed when people aren't being authentic or when there are people around who aren't being considerate of everyone else? There's your answer.

Your worries exist in the opposite F which can make it more complicated I guess. You are likely to worry about the one you aren't so good at but it won't be your mind's main concern that you naturally snap back to.


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