# What Love Style Are You?



## NightSkyGirl (Apr 11, 2010)

"Not everyone experiences love in exactly the same manner.

Research has shown that love comes in several different forms or styles. For the most part, people experience love as a blend of two or three of the styles listed below. Essentially, people have different notions of what it means to "be in love." 

*Styles of Love:*

*Eros* – some people experience love with a lot of passion, intimacy and intensity. Love based on Eros has a strong sexual and emotional component. People who experience love this way want to be emotionally and physically close to their romantic partners and they tend to idealize love. Such love is marked by passion as well as compassion (kindness and consideration). Eros is best viewed as romantic, passionate love - the type of love that creates excitement at the beginning of a new relationship. 

*Ludus *– some people experience love as a game to be played with other people’s emotions. The goal or desire is to gain control over a partner through manipulation. People who experience love as Ludus like to have multiple love interests where they are in complete control. Lying, cheating and deception are common for people who experience love as Ludus – it’s all part of the game. For people who experience love as Ludus, it is satisfying to outwit a partner and exploit his or her weak spots (see, husband plays with my heart, who is likely to cheat, lovefraud).

*Storge* – some people experience love as a gradual and slow process. When love is based on Storge, getting to know someone comes before having intense feelings for that person. Love based on Storge takes time, it requires genuine liking and understanding of a partner, and it develops slowly over time. Love based on Storge is often compared to the love that one has for a friend. In fact, people who experience love as Storge often fall in love with their friends. 

*Agape* – some people experience love as caregiving. Love is the overwhelming desire to want to take care of a partner - a parental or nurturing type of love. Love based on Agape is attentive, caring, compassionate and kind - a more altruistic or selfless type of love. 

*Mania* – some people experience love as being out of control. Love is an overwhelming experience; it turns one’s life upside down and it results in a complete loss of one’s identity. Love based on Mania is crazy, impulsive and needy. People who experience love as Mania fall in love quickly, but their love tends to consume them. Love experienced as Mania also tends to burnout before it gets the chance to mature. Such love is often marked by extreme delusions, feelings of being out of control, rash decisions, and vulnerability. People who experience love as Mania are easily taken advantage of by people who experience love as Ludus. 

*Pragma *– some people take a practical approach to love. Love is not crazy, intense, or out of control. Love is based on common sense and reason. People who experience love as Pragma tend to pick a suitable mate the way most other people make serious life decisions: picking a partner is based on careful consideration and reason. Practical concerns underlie this type of love."

Descriptions take from here: Love Styles - Truth About Deception





So, what love style(s) do you identify with and why?


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## Humilis Curator (Feb 26, 2010)

Agape, Eros

Interesting stuff for a hopeless romantic to read


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## fievre (Mar 10, 2010)

Storge with a dash of pragma.

Because I tend to be guarded in my emotions, I need to be sure about this person. In a lot of cases it's a very long process.


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Eros, the rest seem immature to me... or at least not love, manipulation? come on, that's not love that's a character flaw.


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## aakanksha (Dec 27, 2009)

100% Eros.

Nice stuff.And it does help in identifying the kind of people you have been with and how you were wrong in that relationship.


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## Collossus (Dec 14, 2009)

I believe I am eros but I am definately searching for agape.


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## PhrozenFire (Apr 22, 2010)

*Agape & a little Mania. *


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## Irisheyes (Sep 11, 2009)

I'll have to say Agape and Eros. I agree with Cardinalfire about Ludus. Definately a character flaw. :dry:


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## Ormazd (Jan 26, 2010)

I would probably be storge with some pragma and some mania popping up every once in a while


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## cavarice (Jan 30, 2010)

I'm overwhelingly *storge*, and to a slightly lesser extent agape, with some dashes of eros.

I've never been romantically attracted to someone I didn't already know for at least a couple of months prior. It's almost a requirement for me to be friends with someone for a while before I can even consider dating someone.


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## NightSkyGirl (Apr 11, 2010)

Here is another way of describing the *Ludic* love style according to a Marriage and Family book from one of my past courses in college.

*Ludus*: The ludic love style views love as a game, refuses to become dependent on any one person, and does not encourage another's intimacy. Two essensential skills of the ludic lover are to juggle several partners at the same time and to manage each relationship so that no one partner is seen too often. These strategies help to ensure that the relationship does not deepen into an all-consuming love. Don Juan represented the classic ludic lover. "Love em and leave em" is the motto of the ludic lover. Indeed, a team of researchers(Paul et al.,2000) reported on a sample of college student "hooking up" experiences(sexual encounters with a stranger or a brief acquaintance that may or may not include sexual intercourse) and suggested that a ludic love style may predispose and drive individuals towards emotionless, casual sexual encounters. Neto et al.(2000) also found that men are more likely than women to be ludic lovers. Gallmeier et al(2000) also suggested that ludic lovers may tend to prefer dating in a group context(in contrast with a couple context), since the former helps to avoid emotional involment.


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## Nicolathecat (Jan 13, 2010)

I am not thrilled by it, but I tend to start out Mania and transition into Agape. I would far rather start out Storge and transition to Eros.


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

I'm going to be the honest one and say Eros and Ludus lol.


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## Born2Blossom (Apr 21, 2010)

Usually Storge at first (although not always) and a blend of Eros and Agape.


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

If I were to order mine from MOST like me to LEAST like me... 

1. Eros
2. Mania
3. Agape
4. Ludus
5. Pragma
6. Storge 


I cannot, for the life of me, take a "slow approach". I am the type of person that (for the most part, not always) would rather jump into something and learn about the person as we go - rather than taking our time getting to know each other, and then going from there. I can't say I've ever really fallen in love with someone who was already a friend. Honestly, I have loved twice - both times, they were relationships with people I had only known for about a week or less before we became a 'couple' - and we learned more about each other as time went on. That's why _*Storge*_ is definitely last on the list for me. 

And while I'm being honest, it was very hard for me to choose a #1 spot between _*Eros*_ and *Mania*; however, from the descriptions given, Eros probably fits me a bit more. The Mania comes into play a bit later, and then that flows into _*Agape*_. 

_*Ludus*_ is definitely there as well - but I don't do this often, nor is it something I enjoy. If I really care for a person but feel that I am being taken advantage of and stuff, then I will turn to Ludus. Why? I think it's because I really care for that person, and I don't want to hurt them... but I don't want them to hurt me either, so this is used as a self-defense mechanism of the sorts. NOTE, however, that I would never cheat on someone. That's definitely not me.


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## walkawaysun09 (Mar 13, 2010)

Eros, Agape, and Storge...it takes me a while to really get warmed up to a girl to the point of bringing flowers and completely wanting to care for her and protect her even more than I normally want to protect all of my friends. I should totally try to eliminate the storge...it seems to just be a pain in everyone's ass.


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## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

Eros, with a bit of agape. I've actually never seen such an adept description for how I love people - romantically anyways.


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## Deja Vu (Dec 26, 2009)

Eros, Ludus...and sometimes agape. Matters who the girl is.


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## Atenza Coltheart (Apr 19, 2010)

I am definitely an Eros.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

I'm honestly not sure...

although I have what I would say is "Negative Pragma" I.e. I tend to make conscious effort to avoid developing feelings for some people; friends, undesirables, people I know I can't be with, etc etc.


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## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

Storge then to eros.

"No, no it can't be, I'm reading too much into this, naw it's not happening period. I just got wait this out, I just making things up. Oh wait what it's true, I'm seeing what I think I see, it's not just in my head, yay!! Lets snuggle, yay!! Hugs for all, yay!!. all that romantic jazz,  "


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

somewhere between eros and mania


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## Parttime muse (Feb 8, 2010)

Eros? That's basically sexual love and that's a secure attachment? Come on! I think that's more like a cling on because sexual love doesn't last THAT long; it's fickle.

I personally don't like them trying to base Greek words with certain style of attachments because 1: it's ridiculous, 2: the types of love according to the Greek language are a little more complicated because of philosophical terms which leads to a lot of religious philosophy, including Christian, but primarily Greek and Roman 3: labeling love based on attachment styles with the Greek language is like stereotyping any person like the jock, geek, or goth. This is nothing more than pop psychology.

However...for the fun of it, I would say storge and pragma are my two. Philosophy: love takes time and use your head because your heart can be deceptive and desperately wicked.


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## thisisme (Apr 11, 2010)

i took this test recently i scored like 96% eros...oooh watch out!

then storge and agape.


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## saturnbug (Jan 11, 2010)

Agape, and Storge to some extent.


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

Eros and Pragma


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

eros is the most chemical for me, but storge happens too. I adore my friends. 

Agape to me is the most selfless; it's more a commitment to love someone. There may be no return, but you still love. You may not even like the person because they have hurt you, but you still do the loving things.This is the love given to the 'unlovable' ~ people you are at odds with, or to strangers that other people pass by who may be in desperate need.


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## moonstar (Apr 27, 2010)

I'm Agape, with a little Eros and Storge in between.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Equally Agape and Eros.

I have been called a nympho by my friends but I think I am just open about how I feel and I love my husband to bits. I can't get enough of him both sexually and just hangin out with him. And that is after 11 1/2 years of marriage, so I don't think it will change.


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## lalalalalalalala (Apr 4, 2010)

Eros with Agape


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

I guess I'm Eros/Storge/Pragma


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## Kitten (Mar 28, 2010)

I'm a mix of Storge, Eros, and Agape.. mostly Storge and Eros. :3

"Slow and gradual" for Storge indeedy... in the past, I've gotten several crushes on guys, but I've only ever fallen in love twice (and have only had one boyfriend, who I'm currently with) - and for both guys, I knew them for YEARS before I fell for them. ^^;; I just feel like you really need to know somebody very personal/close in order to know them well enough to really fall in love with them, because people are so complex. When I'm in love with somebody, I want it to be feelings for their whole self. <3


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