# Why are ESFPs generally less sensitive and melancholy than other Fi users?



## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

I used to date an ESFP. She was usually rather jolly, but got into these depressive states when stressed out. I think they ended up in our breakup. I could kind of see in her face sometimes that she was fighting back her emotions. VERY. STRONG. emotions.


----------



## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

Eh...happiest person I ever knew was an ENFP (so she claimed - she was pretty spirited though). I've known some very moody ESFPs. It seems like most of the people with the happy/perky personas I knew were ENFPs (not that it means anything).


----------



## perfectcircle (Jan 5, 2011)

LiquidLight said:


> Who said Fi is sensitivity? Sensitivity has nothing to do with a function. If anything the most sensitive functions are your two lesser functions since they are less adapted. Actually by virtue of it being a dominant function (and lets just expand that to say 1st aux) makes it not sensitive. It's sort of like a right-handed person calling his right hand 'sensitive.'
> 
> Fi doesn't have to be sensitive to anything. It's simply a standard of evaluation. A particular lens that a person looks through when determining if they like something or not. If being sensitive to the environment or the people around you, or even to yourself is your goal, then a person can absolutely employ Fi (or any other function for that matter) in service of that. But simply being a Fi-type does not automatically make one sensitive to environment, other people, etc. That might be a characteristic of some self-professed Fi-types but this not necessarily a universal predisposition. Actually its often quite the opposite, especially if you've ever hung out with a lot of Te-doms. There's a reason Jung called feeling types the coldest people on earth at times, especially introverted feeling types. Detached, dispassionate and coldly aloof.
> 
> ...


I feel compelled to comment on this since you're spreaing misunderstanding of Fi to other people as well as yourself.
That quote is a quote by Jung describing how Fi doms appear externally; you cut if off and thus vastly changed the picture painted of Fi. Jung was specifically describing how Fi responds to the object and how it may appear to others who don't experience Fi in the aboev passage, so cutting it off there is at best a one-faceted and misleading representation of Fi. Here's the rest of that quote.



> Since this type appears rather cold and reserved, i*t might seem on a superficial view that such women have no feelings at all. Such a view, however, would be quite false; the truth is, their feelings are intensive rather than extensive. They develop in depth.* While an extensive feeling of sympathy can express itself in appropriate words and deeds, and thus quickly gets back to normal again,* an intensive sympathy, being shut off from every means of expression, gains a passionate depth that comprises a whole world of misery and is simply benumbed. It may, perhaps, break out in some extravagant form, leading to some astounding act of an almost heroic character, quite unrelated to either the subject herself or to the object that provoked the outburst. To the outside world, or to the blind eyes of the extravert, this intensive sympathy looks like coldness, because it usually does nothing visible, and an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.*
> 
> Such a misunderstanding is a common occurrence in the life of this type, and is used as a weighty argument against the possibility of any deeper feeling relation with the object.* But the underlying, real object of this feeling is only dimly divined by the normal type herself. It may express itself in a secret religiosity anxiously shielded from profane eyes, or in intimate poetic forms that are kept equally safeguarded from profane eyes*, not without the secret ambition of displaying some superiority over the other person by this means. Women often express a good deal of their feelings their children, *letting their passion flow secretly into them.*


Ignoring Jung's someone pigeon-holed descriptions as Fi users as women who's only outlet is their children (the times have changed, to say the least), we at least get the point they're like volcanoes where all the intensity is down at the bottom, roiling away, sometimes leaking out in response to certain stimuli, surprising everyone with the intensity of their reaction. Sounds pretty sensitive to me.

To paint Fi as "cold" "unfeeling" mistakes the point entirely; it's simply wrong and misleading. Fi appears cold to handle the intensity of their feelings, and also attempts to be influenced by the external factor so it "hides". To apply esfps are only the bitter picture painted on some internet forums as sugar-loving-happy-go-lucky-not-too-bright-energizer-bunny-sensors stereotype who never feel strongly about certain values, get down, or get sensitive is an irresponsible picture to paint, as is describing Fi in general as "cold/unfeeling", when it's just the opposite-- it's just hard to see sometimes. And that's what this forum should be all about, getting to understand how people really work inside, not how they just appear.


----------



## perfectcircle (Jan 5, 2011)

Another thing many others are saying is equating "sensitivty" with depression/melancholy. And while there is a correlation, they aren't the same thing. I'm speaking in the general sense to some of the posts on this thread rn. Sensitivity and depression are not the same thing; not even all Fi doms are "melancholy" people; melancholy or depression isn't necessarily a type trait. Sensitivity and depression can exist without the other & vice versa. Some say, the esfps & enfps I know were super happy-- but that doesn't mean they don't have sensitivity inside (Fi is an inwards directed function, it would not be shown). Well their dominant mode is an extroverted perceiving function, they're going to be engaged in the world, but that doesn't cover what may be happening inside or at times of stress, and that sensitivity isn't necessarily "unhappiness" or "depression"- it's more strong ,emotional/value based> reactions in general. 

I would say Fi in general is sensitive. It's sensitive to things that may contradict it's values; it is self protective and it hides; it reacts strongly to stimuli when it's activated, deeply and with intensity; it feels intensely and strongly with the "intensive depth" that Jung describes above, to stimuli others may not feel anything at all because their reactions are "dispersed and extensive". Therefore they react to many things "sensitively", even if it is only hidden inside. The kind of sensitivity I'm referring to is not the environmental or physical sensitivity that someone else mentioned. 

But if you're meaning sensitivity in the sense of "I cry at everything and I get depressed all the time and I yell at people over stupid little things and manipulate people"-- that doesn't necessarily have to do with functions. some people get like that more than others, most have done that at least sometimes in regards to stress or certain situations but aren't general personal traits. 

In general esfps might express the kind of sensitivity i'm talking about less than an ISFP, for example, because of dominant Se, as noted by others, but esfps also have a well of personal values or cherished things inside them as well. They have an inner core of sensitivity as well; perhaps they don't "live there" or reference that side of themselves very often. Having known esfps, I know at least some of them can be easily hurt by the right thing & experience an intense flurry of emotions, and can react sensitively to their perceived flaws, fears, ect. In my personal experience they try to hide, bottle up, and then overcome these emotions by "getting back on the horse" and acting silly, energetic, or "happy", but their inner emotion often leaks through their motivation. I don't want to speak for all esfps though as there obviously going to be a wide variety in individuals.


----------



## dpolaristar (Jun 30, 2013)

LiquidLight said:


> And INTPs aren't exactly thought of as Mr. Smiley and don't have Fi at all.


There is a difference between asshole and Emo. I joke but Yes I understand we INTP's come across as pretentious little pratts. 

I can see how Fi can lead to depression but I don't think Fi is an equivalent of being emo. I think a large part of non-biological depression comes from not being understood and often people don't understand (Or the Fi user perceives that they don't understand as their introverted Feelings can be subjective.) I don't think that ENFP's generally come across as emo, and I'm not sure where you get that.


----------



## Fat Bozo (May 24, 2009)

I'm pretty damn sensitive. Melancholy? Hardly ever.


----------



## Pau7 (Jun 20, 2013)

The only time I get melancholy is when I've been in the house way too long. Last week I didn't go out for four days (_really_ bad cold) and I got into this weird claustrophobic-moody thing.


----------



## The Wanderering ______ (Jul 17, 2012)

dpolaristar said:


> There is a difference between asshole and Emo. I joke but Yes I understand we INTP's come across as pretentious little pratts.


Not al INTPs some of the nerdier INTPs can actually be very people oriented and want harmony with others. Think Peter Parker from Spiderman.


----------



## Fat Bozo (May 24, 2009)

Pau7 said:


> The only time I get melancholy is when I've been in the house way too long. Last week I didn't go out for four days (_really_ bad cold) and I got into this weird claustrophobic-moody thing.


Yeah, sounds a lot like me. Right now, I've got a leg injury that's driving me nuts and some work issues, but I still wouldn't call myself melancholy. Just a bit.....uhhh...morose maybe? Not sure the right word for it.


----------



## Pau7 (Jun 20, 2013)

Fat Bozo said:


> Yeah, sounds a lot like me. Right now, I've got a leg injury that's driving me nuts and some work issues, but I still wouldn't call myself melancholy. Just a bit.....uhhh...morose maybe? Not sure the right word for it.


Yeah, it's more of a weird type of anxiety. It's kinda hard to describe.


----------



## cudibloop (Oct 11, 2012)

JungyesMBTIno said:


> Eh...happiest person I ever knew was an ENFP (so she claimed - she was pretty spirited though). I've known some very moody ESFPs. It seems like most of the people with the happy/perky personas I knew were ENFPs (not that it means anything).


You're not seeing the ENFP when they're moody.


----------



## perfectcircle (Jan 5, 2011)

cudibloop said:


> You're not seeing the ENFP when they're moody.


Couldn't it be the same for the esfps?


----------



## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Ok my mother is an ESFP and she is easily hurt, she is very emotionally sensitive, she has the traditional "Fi empathy" for all those she loves (especially animals)...but she seems insensitive because she does dumb things like talk on her cell phone when she's driving, blares loud music when other people clearly don't want to hear it, can be unaware of what she's doing so blatantly to provoke others...she's like a babe in the woods, like an eternal innocent, like a tiger with big huge fangs but you feel ultimately sorry for her.

My mother is 1000 times "nicer" than my ESTJ step-grandma, and yet she can be utterly insensitive and self-absorbed, and annoying.

My mom reminds me of me, except louder. That's why I knew I was either ENFP or ISFP, I was basically a little more withdrawn or bookish version of my mom.

My mom is clueless, but she'd give you her kidney. That's an ESFP to me.


----------



## cudibloop (Oct 11, 2012)

adverseaffects said:


> Couldn't it be the same for the esfps?


Touche.


----------



## dpolaristar (Jun 30, 2013)

The Wanderering ______ said:


> Not al INTPs some of the nerdier INTPs can actually be very people oriented and want harmony with others. Think Peter Parker from Spiderman.


I know that. I was poking fun at myself.


----------



## Fat Bozo (May 24, 2009)

fourtines said:


> Ok my mother is an ESFP and she is easily hurt, she is very emotionally sensitive, she has the traditional "Fi empathy" for all those she loves (especially animals)...but she seems insensitive because she does dumb things like talk on her cell phone when she's driving, blares loud music when other people clearly don't want to hear it, can be unaware of what she's doing so blatantly to provoke others...she's like a babe in the woods, like an eternal innocent, like a tiger with big huge fangs but you feel ultimately sorry for her.
> 
> My mother is 1000 times "nicer" than my ESTJ step-grandma, and yet she can be utterly insensitive and self-absorbed, and annoying.
> 
> My mom reminds me of me, except louder. That's why I knew I was either ENFP or ISFP, I was basically a little more withdrawn or bookish version of my mom.


I see this paradox in myself on a daily basis. That's the eerie thing about becoming more self-aware. It's like I watch myself do things but I still don't control them entirely.



> My mom is clueless, but she'd give you her kidney. That's an ESFP to me.


OMG NEW SIG QUOTE roud:


----------

