# Complete apathy concerning school



## Treeton (Mar 10, 2010)

thehigher said:


> Not at all it was refreshing. I actually wasn't neccesarily looking for advice. A good " I am the same and here is why" goes a long way.


You're very welcome. If I ever find a way out of this rut, i'll be sure to let you know how I did it.


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## KateAusten (Feb 6, 2010)

Treeton said:


> I feel worthless, far to dependent on others, stunted, stuck, emotionally and psychologically damaged and it only seems to get worse from here on.


I felt that way for most of college too. It's like I was stuck in a bubble, none of my strengths were being used, all my energy had to be focused on things I didn't enjoy or care about and it was just so discouraging. I regret not taking advantage of a lot of the opportunities that were available but it's like I just wanted to close my eyes and close myself off and make the whole experience go by as quickly and painlessly as possible. Even after I accepted that life was going to be a lot easier later on if I would just do my work and make good grades, it was stressful -- at one point a few months before graduation I was having multiple panic attacks per day and had to be put on a heavy dose of benzos just to graduate. The good news is that the difference between how I felt in school and how I felt during my full-time summer jobs and my semester volunteering abroad was night and day. Right now I'm an unemployed recent grad living at home so life is not exactly fulfilling, but I don't feel that constant sense of stress and constant nagging feeling that there is more work I should be doing. I sort of feel like the past couple years of my life were a weird dream I just woke up from. Now I have ideas for the future (I guess what the J types would call plans, but I'm not committed to them if something better comes along, lol) that veer off in the opposite direction of all my classmates, but they suit me and give me something to look forward to and feel passionate about. So use this tough time to figure out what you really want and in the end you may actually be further ahead on the path to general life satisfaction as those who didn't have to rise from the ashes, so to speak.

I wish more people with college experiences like this would talk about them. There's this cultural idea that college is a blast and the best four years of your life but I'm finding that a lot of people have the opposite experience. I felt like a failure for a long time for not being able to be happy and make it work for me, even transferred schools because I thought that would help (it helped my social life but the school part was just as painful).


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## justinhammar (Oct 23, 2009)

I find that the college I attend does not allow me to make very good use od my Fe. I guess that's what friends are for


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## zwanglos (Jan 13, 2010)

If you don't want to go to college, then don't go to college. Take time off, get a job somewhere, reassess your priorities and your goals in life.

College used to be about higher learning and the attainment of knowledge, but then, since most industries require a lot of knowledge, higher learning has gone mainstream.

As with anything else that has gone mainstream, they've taken a good thing and watered it down so that the majority of the population will consume it. Colleges and universities are called 'institutions' of higher learning for a reason. They're a business, just like any other, and as a business their main concern is turning a profit. It is literally not in their best interest to fail a lot of people. So things get watered down more and more, and eventually you get left with what you experience today. And these days, a BA is worth about as much as a high school degree was a couple decades ago - just far more expensive.

Anyway, your story is a little sparse on details and facts about yourself, so I can't really say much else about it: if you feel that college is essential to your life goals, then bite the bullet and jump through the hoops that society has set up for you. If you don't think it's essential to your life, then don't go. And if you really don't even know, then don't go - take some time to figure it out.

Life is about inventing yourself, and that doesn't necessarily mean you have to go through 4 years of bullshit to do it. Ironically enough, everyone loves to cite Robert Frost's poem about 'the road less traveled' at high school graduation speeches, and then settle down into a cookie-cutter four-year program of indoctrination and pointless busywork that everyone else is taking.


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## Arakune (Mar 24, 2010)

You might not be suited for academia, or may have just picked the wrong major. Unfortunately, picking the wrong major is very easy to do, as it takes a long time for some to figure out their true passions in life. You might have to drop out, do some soul-searching, and come back later (or not). For most people I would suggest just sticking with it so you get some kind of degree, but if you're so emotionally traumatized, it might not be an option.

But yeah, if your degree is not very business oriented (cough, humanities) and you're not planning on going to grad school, you might not need it for anything.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Arakune said:


> You might not be suited for academia, or may have just picked the wrong major. Unfortunately, picking the wrong major is very easy to do, as it takes a long time for some to figure out their true passions in life. You might have to drop out, do some soul-searching, and come back later (or not). For most people I would suggest just sticking with it so you get some kind of degree, but if you're so emotionally traumatized, it might not be an option.
> 
> But yeah, if your degree is not very business oriented (cough, humanities) and you're not planning on going to grad school, you might not need it for anything.


I am pretty passionate when it comes to psych. But I am not taking very many classes in psych. The reason why I am sucking is because it's all classes that I am not interested in. As soon as I begin taking more advanced psych classes I am sure I will improve greatly. Why? I spend my free time researching psychology.... I procrastinate on my major. But thanks for the advice!


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## jdmn (Feb 5, 2010)

Umm... I cannot relate with you at 100% I'm in my last year of high school, and I do really like the subjects I learn, there may be tons of tiring homework, a year long social project, and lots of hard discipline and not so symphatethic people to relate. But I try to make the best out of it. 

You're in college, right? I'm not too into knowing how's the system of majors in U.S.A., but if you really like psychology, if it's your passion, try to follow it!! The best career to follow is the one you are comfortable and passionate with it!! Unless you're money concerned as I am and follow a more profitable career, even though you don't like it at all. That's something some people can, follow a career which is not their vocation because money is a higher priority of it.

And, about the intelligence tests, they're not a limitation at all... I'm just on the 50th percentile, which means an IQ of 100.. and I'm in the top 5 of my classes. Well, IQ is not universally accepted as the intelligence scale... I'm more into Gardner's theory...


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

jdmn said:


> Umm... I cannot relate with you at 100% I'm in my last year of high school, and I do really like the subjects I learn, there may be tons of tiring homework, a year long social project, and lots of hard discipline and not so symphatethic people to relate. But I try to make the best out of it.
> 
> You're in college, right? I'm not too into knowing how's the system of majors in U.S.A., but if you really like psychology, if it's your passion, try to follow it!! The best career to follow is the one you are comfortable and passionate with it!! Unless you're money concerned as I am and follow a more profitable career, even though you don't like it at all. That's something some people can, follow a career which is not their vocation because money is a higher priority of it.
> 
> And, about the intelligence tests, they're not a limitation at all... I'm just on the 50th percentile, which means an IQ of 100.. and I'm in the top 5 of my classes. Well, IQ is not universally accepted as the intelligence scale... I'm more into Gardner's theory...


It may even have to do with lack of social connection and also that I am not actually into the full brunt of my psych major yet. Right now I am doing my basic requirements.... not much real psychology yet. Plus so far... the social dynamic at my school is very.... everyone is exactly the same.... they dress the same.... act the same.... do the same things. The few people I run into that are interesting.... agree... and wish they went somewhere else. This problem may not stem from actual work... it may just be a sense of meaning.


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## jdmn (Feb 5, 2010)

Ummm.. maybe it could be a sense of belonging? That you belong to a certain group of people to identify with... to share thoughts, ideals, similar interests, those kinds of things?

But as a sense of meaning, for me college and school would be one way (not the only one) to acheive a successful job, enough money to live, and a way to develop a vocation and a direction in life... somekind of a method to find my interests and develop them to the fullest potential, whether being studying, volunteering, participating... those kinds of things... also my parents would be making a huge effort to pay an university.. I wouldn't feel Ok throwing that opportunity they give me to the trash... in my opinion!!


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

jdmn said:


> Ummm.. maybe it could be a sense of belonging? That you belong to a certain group of people to identify with... to share thoughts, ideals, similar interests, those kinds of things?
> 
> But as a sense of meaning, for me college and school would be one way (not the only one) to acheive a successful job, enough money to live, and a way to develop a vocation and a direction in life... somekind of a method to find my interests and develop them to the fullest potential, whether being studying, volunteering, participating... those kinds of things... also my parents would be making a huge effort to pay an university.. I wouldn't feel Ok throwing that opportunity they give me to the trash... in my opinion!!


Yea... I'd say a sense of belonging is definitely part of it. I know with my head... the reasons why it is important.... but there is no emotional drive behind it at all.... which ... for me is crucial. How I see it now... I need to do well in school so that my family won't suffer.... that would be a real pain for me to see... and that helps my drive. My reasons... my drives... are all connected to emotions and people.... and I'm trying to make sense of that in the context of school.


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

thehigher said:


> I am in college. I am falling behind fast... similar to how I did my senior year of high school. I don't know why. It may be because I hate the system... how it forces you into boxes. It may be because I am dumb according to tests. It may be because I dislike what they teach me and how they teach it. It may be because my surroundings frustrate me. It may be because I am not very happy in my life and I am trying to figure that out..... there are deep feelings within me that make me feel depressed... a lot of my time is spent trying to figure out why and what I am doing wrong. Not to mention.... my memory is terrible. I can't remember dates for the life of me. There is no joy in my life. When there is no joy or balance of emotions I just shut down I suppose. My life is falling down. What everyone labels as success is just passing me by as I stare at it emotionlessly. I will be the first to tell you that my reasons for doing poorly are not logical. However forcing myself to be logical may even be part of the problem. Maybe I care too much.... and since it's too much emotion to handle.... I decide not to care..... and meanwhile my grades and reputation suffers. I hate having a label stuck on me. I watch these people around me take notes like their life depended on it. Every little thing they put on the board the students begin writing frantically... like a bunch of mice. They are not interested in the material. They are interested in a grade. They could care less who sigmund freud was. They just need to know what will be on the fuckin exam. I'd rather not be a part of it. I'd rather learn on my own terms and not be measured.
> 
> Will that get me anywhere in life? Most likely not. I am just sick of the world and the way it goes about it's business. I literally feel empty pain when I go to school just from the lack of life on everyone's faces. Ironic though. I feel pretty dead myself.


 
To be blunt, who cares. You need to get your sh*t together and play the game, or drop out. A poor GPA will follow you for your entire life.

If you're struggling, get out. It's damage control time.

However, all of this is dependent upon how much money you owe or if you are in any debt. You don't want to leave without that paper showing you possess a degree. On the other hand, if you don't owe any money, then I would recommend dropping out and trying something else.

There are schools for people like you. Take The Evergreen State College, for example. It sounds like an ideal environment for you.

Keep in mind, our culture is all about higher education, when actually it's just a ploy by college institutions to increase revenue. We're tricked into thinking that a college degree equals success.

Don't get me wrong, a college education is vital in this economy, but don't go unprepared. Rather than being locked into years of debt, go when you're ready and when you can afford it.


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## Coccinellidae (Mar 16, 2010)

Wow.... It's so like me and my relationship with the school...


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