# NFs growing up in an SJ household. :D



## thedavidhooker (Jan 24, 2011)

Hey everybody!
a friend & I have made a series of videos in regards to various aspects of the Myers-Briggs and in this video we discuss the NFs growing up in an SJ household. With these videos, we hope to start a dialog with people and explore these ideas. So feel free to give suggestions, feedback and leave questions for us to answer in future videos!

Dave.


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## teddy564339 (Jun 23, 2010)

Overall I thought that was really good...it was balanced in terms of the positives and negatives, and it was honest and straightforward as well.

I don't have kids (I'm a 27 year old male), but I would always imagine one thing that would bother me a lot is the whole "get a job" thing that was mentioned. It would bother me a lot to have a kid outside of college who wasn't able to have their own job and support themselves, just because I was so driven to do that myself. I grew up in a well-off family where I pretty much could always have anything I needed or even wanted, and I always felt a drive to become self-supportive so I wasn't reliant on my parents anymore. So I think if I were to have kids I would kind of feel the same for them and wouldn't want them to depend on me financially at a certain point.


I also think part of the things that were mentioned definitely fit in with the parent-child relationship...parents in general tend to worry about things, even if SJ parents do so more than other types. And for me, the whole privacy thing was never an issue growing up...my ISTJ mom and I always had a great relationship where she gave me plenty of space. Sure, maybe a few times I got a little irritated by a few things, but for the most part I felt like I had plenty of freedom. If anything, my ENTJ dad was the more intrusive one.


But a lot of what was said I've heard N's say in general about SJ parents...that SJ's are very stifling with their rules, details and structure. So I liked how the video was honest about all of these frustrations, but was also able to try to understand them and see some of the positives as well.

So overall I thought it was really good. Of course, I'm an ISFJ, so for an SJ I'm probably pretty even-keeled.


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## chaeriean (Jan 18, 2011)

this is why i will never have children. if they were ever sjs that would be great but what if they weren't? i would stifle the crap out of them. i wouldn't want to but i know i would, even judging by how i treat the kids in my class. i am not mean or anything but i am very overprotective. (also..."regular in their patterns" we would make the most excellent stalking victims)


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

chaeriean said:


> this is why i will never have children. if they were ever sjs that would be great but what if they weren't? i would stifle the crap out of them. i wouldn't want to but i know i would, even judging by how i treat the kids in my class. i am not mean or anything but i am very overprotective. (also..."regular in their patterns" we would make the most excellent stalking victims)


Thumbs up to you, darrrling. It's not every day that you find a fertile SJ (or anyone in general) who's that self-aware and honest.

Plus, there are too many little rodents running around due yo people's inability to resist breeding...but that's a rant for another day.


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## MartyMcFly1 (Nov 14, 2010)

With SJ parents "It's only an argument when you're talking" :crazy: .


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

Love the video, as an infj I really relate to this with 2sj parents. If I had time right now I would make a response video, maybe some other time.


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## 3053 (Oct 14, 2009)

''We smear it on toast'' HA

I enjoyed this. I know what you're talking about because everyone in my family is SJ. Good stuff


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## Kokoro (Dec 7, 2010)

Good video! I relate to this so much, it feels like you were both describing my relationship with my parents. :laughing: The things you both mention about holding certain thoughts back from them and them wanting to know everything are probably what I identify with most.


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## LeafStew (Oct 17, 2009)

Heh my dad keeps telling me to find a job all the time. Even if I theoretically have one. He's SP but still...


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## Pyroscope (Apr 8, 2010)

Weirdly my SJ parents managed to have 3 xNxP children  It baffles me sometimes how that happened  I think it is a lot harder for them to understand where our focus is. I was the youngest by about 6 years and my parents had already gone through a lot, specifically with my ENFP brother. From what they've told me and what he used to tell me/what I could see of how he felt about them, there was a lot of conflict. This wasn't just because he was an ENFP though, he was also schizophrenic, though that didn't onset until his mid-teens, so it was pretty much mental hell for them.

The biggest problem was that they were trying to direct him so much and he was strongly against this. He once shouted 'You want me to be a clone!' at my mum and she's never been able to forget that. He had a lot of creative fire and although they admired it, they didn't really understand it. My mum feels a lot of guilt that she pressured him out of pursuing music because she didn't see a future for him in it and now worries that it made things worse for him.

It's because of this that I don't fully know what it's like to grow up with pure SJ parents. They had so much guilt over the past and had seen their efforts go to nothing that by the time it got to me they stopped trusting themselves to know what was best. They've pretty much left me to do my own thing these days, if only I knew what that was...

The problem seems to be that they just don't know what's going to happen, but they worry about how it will turn out, so they need some kind of standard to work to. They don't trust that what we think will turn out the way we think about it, especially if the odds are against us in their eyes, so they try and direct us to safer paths.

I don't know whether to be grateful or saddened by how I'm allowed to live now. I have the freedom of choice but at the cost of their confidence in themselves being irreparably broken.


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

^ Can definitely relate to some of the things you said. My parents never understood me and still don't. I don't fit the normal mode of a young adult. I've never brought a girl over, they've only seen a couple of my friends, and they now know but don't understand I prefer to be alone most of the time. They always wanted me to take the safe route. And I took that route in school, because I wanted to please them. Now, as an adult, I see that it wasn't the right route for me, so I'm trying to redefine some things (and my direction) in my life and it definitely scares them.

They wanted the normal thing. Me to have a girlfriend, then to have a wife, then to have kids, then to have a house with kids, you know, the american way or whatever. Unfortunately I never fit that mold and though they know that I don't think they understand it. As a kid, their judgement of me meant a lot to me, it shaped me in good ways (I listened to them) and bad (did things I didn't want to do, and didn't do things I wanted to do). But these days, I really don't listen to them. I appreciate their opinions and whatever they have to say, but at this point I know they are very different people than I am and we will get along best if I hear them out and then leave their opinions at that. 

Sometimes I think I would have done better if I really did what I wanted instead of what I think my parents wanted as I was growing up, and sometimes I think if they would have had a SJ kid they would have been a lot happier.


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## Daveman (May 16, 2010)

Yeah, I was raised by SJs- my grandparents. They were in a different world than I was.


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