# What is Fe like?



## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

I want to know what it is like to experience Fe, to see the world through that lens. I want to know what it is that is so opposite Ti. What is it like? What kind of cognition does Fe have? 

It's confusing for me because I am supposed to have inferior Fe and yet I have high empathy. I am already naturally considerate of others' feelings. I am already tactful. (And I've met strong Fe types who had low empathy, so I know they are separate concepts.)

So I am not really sure what it would mean for me to develop Fe.

@_alittlebear_ @_Gray Romantic_ @_Oswin_


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

I rush on as soon as I see the thread title only to see that I am already tagged.  

I didn't realize you decided on ISTP as your type? Hmm. 

Since Fe is very probably my dominant function, it's rather hard to describe how I experience it, or to give advice on developing it. To me - and I'm trying not to be too poetic, because I think too many Extroverted Feeling descriptions are magical, and I find them off-putting - it sort of is feeling the feeling in the air. Not literally feeling what they feel... but feeling what they feel? Wanting them to be happy because goodness knows you need the feelings around you to be positive to foster a healthy environment for yourself. 

But it's nasty too. Or, not nasty, but... Not always kind. It makes me judgmental, makes me loud with my emotions, and sometimes I fall into over dramatics to be heard. I see harmful behavior and I fall into absolutes - they are an unkind person because they picked on that disabled person, they are a bad person because they laughed at another's pain and sought to provoke it - but also because I see good behavior and fall into absolutes - they are a wonderful person because they smile and are considerate, they are a genuine soul because they did [this]. 

I'm sharing this so you can get an idea of how I experience it. Most the time for me I see Fe kindly coloring my view of the world and making me feel what others feel, wanting to protect them and spread love to bring happiness and light to the lives of people, but there is also a dark side too. 

I'm going to post this song, because so far I think it expresses Fe and how we feel the world very well. 





Notice how Taylor is so impacted by the emotions of others. Even though she wants to be happy, she has reason to be happy, it's hard for her because those around her are so bleh. You can also see her going into the more touchy, hostile Fe area - you can see the judgments she has for those who snipe at her in almost every clip. (And I personally love it because you can see her brightness, her love for humanity almost... and you can see her fall, how while she begins the day bright the inconsideration from those she interacts with just pulls her down.) 

Not sure if that can help any, but hopefully that gives you some idea of how I at least experience Fe. Please feel free to ask questions!


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

I would like to understand this as well. Fe is very puzzling to me. 

I do want to say that I am pretty sure Fe =/= empathy. Common misconception. Empathy is being able to feel what other people feel, genuinely have compassion for them. It has nothing to do with emotional expression, interactions, or making judgements and decisions.


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## westlose (Oct 9, 2014)

I'm not a dominant Fe but I will tell you how I live it as a creative function.

We can put it into two part :

_ The first part is the atmosphere detection. Fe is the ability to detect the state of an object. This state is called emotion. It's like a sort of energy that is perceptible within people. Good mood and bad mood. 

So I'm able to detect people's mood. When I enter in a room, I can know how the atmosphere is, even without having a sensory input. It's not something individual. It's the global state of the group. Something like "Oh, this group is in a good mood, it has 100 as value", and "this one is not in a good mood, it has -50". And it's not only people. I can know the emotion from tons of things, like music, or whatever. It's like a sort of energy (but not kinetic).
Which leads to the second part →

_ The need to create a positive emotional atmosphere. Fe-dom will be cheering everyone up, and try to help everybody. But I want something more intense and durable. The first thing that comes to the mind is art : it is the best way to express an emotion in a long term perspective. Art really affect people emotionally, and this is the best way to serve this purpose. Did you never felt deeply touched after listening to a music, or watching a painting? This is the point. This energy is what makes us alive. An intense wave of potential energy.

If a group is in a bad mood, the potential is pretty low, and nothing will be possible. But if everybody is in the right mood, the right thing would be done. That's why I try to be friendly to everyone, and try to help people being in the right mood.


But as you can see, empathy is not the right word. It would be more of an Fi thing. Fe is just a mood detector. Fe just want to affect people positively. Also I'm not a very expressive person, I guess it's more of an Fe-dom thing.


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## Adena (May 14, 2014)

I'll get back to this tomorrow because I don't have the time replying rn


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

@alittlebear

Yeah, this goes along with how I understand Feeling in general. The world to a Feeler isn't neutral but colored by many shades of value. This is where I differ from Feeling types. To me everything is neutral, and that's how I'm able to be nonjudgmental all the time. 

An ENFx once asked me "Have you ever met a jerk?" I didn't get a chance to respond at the time, but I would have said "There's no such thing." From my perspective, the label of "jerk" is merely personal bias, it means one has not understood the other (not to invalidate the observers' feelings which are quite real, but reactions never translate into the other person being absolutely a jerk--nothing ever does). Perhaps the "jerk" was simply in a really bad mood, or didn't actually intend to behave that way. Or perhaps they are behaving that way because they have good reason to keep others away based on their personal experience. People have reasons for everything they do (whether or not they make sense to us), and if the reasons weren't good enough for them from their point of view, given everything they know, understand, and have experienced, then they wouldn't have done it. Perhaps irrational behavior is a rational response to an irrational world. Or something like that. It's hard to explain and I know this explanation isn't adequate.

But I can't see myself ever adopting judgmental (as opposed to neutral) perception of reality because to do so would mean undoing what I already understand. I can't go backwards in understanding. There must be more to this. 

I still don't think I understand it yet and I'm still trying to figure out what developing Fe would mean for me.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

@westlose

What if I don't like it when people try to cheer me up? What if the song someone puts on that's supposed to make everyone happy sounds really annoying to me or others? I don't understand how empathy can be done on a group level. I find it a bit disturbing actually.

If it weren't for Ti base, I'd probably never know I was Fe valuing. Or at least Ti is supposed to imply Fe valuing.

I am not sure what to make of this. Maybe the association of Fe with groups and atmospheres is not necessarily accurate in all cases. Maybe Fe can be sensitive to individual differences. Or maybe that's what my Ti brings to Fe. Might social blindspot (instinctual variant) play a role in how Fe manifests?


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## LtDemonLord (Mar 3, 2015)

I guess the temperament just manifests in different levels for each individual.


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

My wife is ENFJ (Fe-dom). When she's in a group (friends hanging out) she looks at others before looking at an activity. It's subjective, both outwardly focused. How do I get everybody's needs met? What's best for everybody? 

The key (that I heard on a personality hacker podcast recently) is to be Kind instead of Nice. Nice is like an unhealthy Enneagram 9: smoothing over tension instead of confronting it. Healthy Fe is Kind: I'll resolve a crisis, even if that creates tension. I'll tell you when you're screwing up.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

bigstupidgrin said:


> The key (that I heard on a personality hacker podcast recently) is to be Kind instead of Nice. Nice is like an unhealthy Enneagram 9: smoothing over tension instead of confronting it. *Healthy Fe is Kind: I'll resolve a crisis, even if that creates tension. I'll tell you when you're screwing up.*


Hmm, I do this already. Meanwhile, I know there are some Fe types who are really conflict avoidant. I think seeking to resolve is just kindness, like you say. Perhaps emotional intelligence. I don't think it is type related.

Making sure everyone gets what's best for them is not something I actively focus on in a group, but in a 1-on-1 situation I'll be sensitive to the other person's needs.


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## Abraxas (May 28, 2011)

@Silveresque

For me it's knowing that someone is behaving in a way that contradicts socially expected behavior, and then feeling uneasy about it, because if you go along with it then you might be seen as weird or get ostracized from the group.

That's how I experience Fe. It's like a pull toward conformity with group expectations.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

Abraxas said:


> @_Silveresque_
> 
> For me it's knowing that someone is behaving in a way that contradicts socially expected behavior, and then feeling uneasy about it, because if you go along with it then you might be seen as weird or get ostracized from the group.
> 
> That's how I experience Fe. It's like a pull toward conformity with group expectations.


Groups have expectations? o.o

I don't know a thing about group expectations, but when I'm with a friend I feel like I'm expected to talk. I often feel bad because I'm so quiet and not able to respond positively enough. Like I should have more warmth or enthusiasm. I like people, I really do. But I don't think they know it. 

I also find that I tend to smile a lot in social situations and I'm not sure why that happens. I'm not happy when I smile. More often I'm uncomfortable. I think my expressions seem to happen on autopilot outside my conscious awareness or something. I have little control over my tone as well. I think they might be poorly done (awkward/naive) or underdone (robotic/monotone) sometimes, but I'm not really sure how to tell, especially when I have little awareness of my expressions.

So I guess developing my Fe might involve learning how to respond with warmth and enthusiasm?

Maybe Fe is about the energy one is putting out.


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## Abraxas (May 28, 2011)

Silveresque said:


> Groups have expectations? o.o
> 
> I don't know a thing about group expectations, but when I'm with a friend I feel like I'm expected to talk. I often feel bad because I'm so quiet and not able to respond positively enough. Like I should have more warmth or enthusiasm. I like people, I really do. But I don't think they know it.
> 
> ...


Well, I'm also 32. I learned how to act like a normal person, but when I was younger I was socially awkward as all hell, and it led to me being quite misanthropic later on.

I still can't stand most people really, but that's because 9-times-out-of-10 you can't start an intellectual conversation in a group without someone trying to shut it down with bad jokes or something. It's like taking the time to deconstruct and analyze anything is literally offensive to most people.

I'm a little bitter towards people in general for that reason.


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

I'll try to respond later, but... There is a lot said about Fe on this thread that is not in alignment with how I see/experience Fe. Not that what others are experiencing is incorrect, but... I will try to clarify what I mean in my response. (Basically Fe is not so cold, lifeless, and judgmental as I think too many people understand it to be.)


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## Abraxas (May 28, 2011)

alittlebear said:


> I'll try to respond later, but... There is a lot said about Fe on this thread that is not in alignment with how I see/experience Fe. Not that what others are experiencing is incorrect, but... I will try to clarify what I mean in my response. (Basically Fe is not so cold, lifeless, and judgmental as I think too many people understand it to be.)


That'll probably be more helpful. That's just how I experience it, most likely because it might be my inferior function. It just comes across that way to me. I'm probably projecting a lot (I'm almost certain I am).


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

Abraxas said:


> That'll probably be more helpful. That's just how I experience it, most likely because it might be my inferior function. It just comes across that way to me. I'm probably projecting a lot (I'm almost certain I am).


Oh no, that's understandable. The descriptions of my inferior function would probably be much worse.


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## Highway Nights (Nov 26, 2014)

One thing to clear up right now, caring about other people or empathy isn't the same thing as Fe. There are some ENTJs with more empathy and humanity than, say, some ENFJs (and vice versa). 

For me, being concerned for the group. That group can be anywhere between you and the three friends you're with, or humanity as a whole. It's usually less moralistic and idea oriented than Fi and often less black and white (not always though, some of the worst "I'm infallibly good, everyone else is evil" mentalities I've ever seen in my life were on the INFJ boards here). Of course, it may also be more inclined to push its ideals on the group in an attempt to harmonize. Fi can push ideals too, but the motives and tactics are different. This is the reason that stereotypical movie bullies are often typed as ESTPs or ExFJs instead of the more classically control oriented ESTJs or ENTJs. The shun circle "let's all gang up and point and laugh at this guy" is more of a Fe thing.


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## westlose (Oct 9, 2014)

Silveresque said:


> @westlose
> 
> What if I don't like it when people try to cheer me up? What if the song someone puts on that's supposed to make everyone happy sounds really annoying to me or others? I don't understand how empathy can be done on a group level. I find it a bit disturbing actually.
> 
> ...


I see Fe as a sort of persona, that allow you to be appropriate objectively. I mean that Fe will allow you to be appropriate with everyone, because you will be able to perceive moods, and you can express a positive one.

What I've understood from inferior Fe, is that Ti-doms are so seriously engrossed in their logical constructions, that they neglect the emotional expression and fun.

But they desire it. They want to be appropriate with others, and they feel awkward and vulnerable. That's why they like a partner who will help them to express themselves.

I don't like when people cheer me up too. And I don't care about the happy music too. Either I'm an INTJ, or this has more of a subjective value than an objective one.


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## Mbaruh (Aug 22, 2013)

Can't attest to the validity of the information, but maybe you'll find this interesting:
ISTP Personality Type Profile (go down for inferior Fe)
I found it ridiculously accurate for inferior Se.


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## Adena (May 14, 2014)

@Silveresque I obviously can't speak to all Fe users, but I'll try to explain how I experience Fe as my dominant function:

First, what is a dominant function? Using your dominant function you perceive and judge the world around you. To me, it's extroverted feeling, and extroverted feeling is all about _other people_. Making sure others are okay and taking responsibility for their emotions, trying to cheer them up and help (even if they don't want my help haha). That works the other way around- when I'm sad I want to "let it all out", talk out what I feel and need someone to help me rationalize the situation (because my Ti needs it). But I think you knew that, right? It's a very superficial description.

Extroverted feeling is basically projecting the feelings of others on yourself. I make friends easily thanks to my warm exterior, but I only have like 7 really close friends and I can be quite selective about them, because I know their feelings will affect my own. I once watched a documentary of 30 minutes about Russian immigrants in my country and I cried twice, not because I was able to relate to the pain the felt, but because they felt it and I could understand it without experiencing it myself. I cry from movies, I care about everything. I was interviewed at school for a delegation that would go to Poland (for the memory of the holocaust), and my teacher asked me why I wanted to go: I said because my great grandmother is Polish and had her family killed by the Nazis and visiting Poland would make a closure. He replied- no, not why other people want you to go, why you, as a person, wants to go. I literally had no idea what to say. I said "Because it's important to me", and he was like "Okay, that's better." I wonder why is that better- can't I go because I want to make a closure for my grandmother? :O People say xSFJs have no minds of their own, this isn't true- we're just really focused on others.

I need affirmation. If I draw something, write something, learn to play something on piano, to sing- I need to share it with people, and I want them to like it. I'm a people pleaser and I have a hard time saying no, because I hate disappointing others. One time, my cousin said to me "You have to learn to put yourself first because you end up trying to help people so much that you take so much responsibility and you fall apart!"- that was really hurtful for me to hear, because I mean so well and I want to help if I can. :/

I will admit that I'm manipulative. Not always in a bad sense, but I know how to come clean and use the right words because I get people, I know how their mind works. My mother, who's more blunt tells me to say something harsh to someone and I end up phrasing it so nicely and people are like "You're so sweet, yeah no problem." xD It can also be for me own good, like once my mother said "You and your younger sister (Imbar) are really close because your ages are really close, so your youngest sister (Emma) can feel left out. Though you and Emma are really alike and connect well with each other despite the age differences, so Imbar feels left out. Actually... You're the only one who's never left out." I could only shrug it off with a smile, to be honest- I didn't turn my sisters against each other or something, but I know how to connect to each of them because I know what makes them tick.

I am group oriented. I often use the word "We". I want to lead people and make things fun- once, for Purim (it's like a Jewish Halloween, costumes and stuff) our school decided that for a week, everyone puts on a costume- one day it was Movies day, the other one was accessories day and the last day was just... Big costumes and stuff. Me, being a member of students' council really put lots of work into it and every day I came with the best costume ever to make others to feel the holiday spirit- almost no one else came in a costume which annoyed me- like, why don't you want to have fun? Why are you so lame? Aren't we all in this together? xD My mother was like "why do you care about what others are doing, just make fun on your own." but I'm like "BUT... No."

I care about being warm, polite, social norms etc. Not sure how much I need to elaborate on this one. I don't even know how to explain why I care about it, I just do.

On the bad side, there's inferior Ti- I'm very insecure about logical decisions. Like, I take AP maths because I'm generally really good with it and I have an analytical mind, but when I come to the test I blank out, stress and I fail. Every test. I lost motivation throughout the years and for the past few months I kinda lost track but now I came back, studied really hard and my tutor said: "I'm really impressed. Like, you have great abilities and I think you can get 90-100 on this exam." First- affirmation. Yay! I can do it. But today I went to the test and then things I know didn't go so well so I panicked and I'm gonna fail this test again probably, and it sucks. I feel really shitty now :/ 

And then I wanted my friends to cheer me up so I said "Sorry I wasn't active lately, I'm kinda depressed." but then my friend was like "pff where were you I wanted to send you pictures of Orange Is The New Black and Carmilla" so they ignored it and I felt bad, like I'm always here for you please notice me when I feel down??? But never mind soon enough I'm going out with them and they'll cheer me up. 

One last thing- I'm not saying Fe doms have no opinions. I'm a feminist who reads about politics and I have an opinion about everything, but I voice them in order to educate people, not to argue with them (uhm looking at you, ENTPs ;D). I actually went on a trip where we had lots of group discussions and I always participated, and later people came up to me and said that I'm really smart, that I have a unique worldview that they don't hear much and that I said things that actually made them THINK. And yes, I'm an ESFJ. Suck it, intuitives!

How to develop Fe- engage in group activity, and try not to be a loner like Ji doms tend to do (IxFP friends can drive me mad *sigh*), try to be caring and actually show it, express your feelings in a healthy manner, try to be helpful, kind, warm... I'm not sure. 

I hoped I helped! Tagging @Living dead because she has lots of Fe and I think she can be of help.


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

Pressed Flowers said:


> I rush on as soon as I see the thread title only to see that I am already tagged.
> 
> I didn't realize you decided on ISTP as your type? Hmm.
> 
> ...


Really?! I'm also FE!!!! 

And btw, that "Ours" was our theme song with my ex! Nyahahaha. XD


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