# Stuck in a rut of not knowing myself



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Charus said:


> I'm usualy not open about my feelings and reveal about my vulnerabilities, but honestly It has gotten extremely tiring to bear with those feelings tha accumulate in my mind like a fucking tumour.
> 
> How should I start this? I dont know myself at all, I dont know what my real aspirations are, I dont know what I'd want to do with my life, I dont know what to start with and even have no desire to get out of my damn comfort zone, It's difficult for me to get started to work on things without being quickly burnt out and return back to my old unhealthy habits that make me feel like a damn loser.
> 
> ...


Ok that's mostly circumstance, Charus.

So then find somewhere to volunteer and go do it. Actually, find two places or three to volunteer at. One of them could help you start building confidence over time.

The first step is seeing what you want to change about yourself.

22 is really young. You saw these things you dislike about your life, and you blame yourself for them, but if you went out there and volunteered somewhere then at least one of those things would be fixed. You might find out how you have strengths you didn't know you had, gain experience, and get out of your comfort zone. 

So what is it that you care about? Animals, plants, kids, picking up trash from the beach? You don't have to make money at a job to build confidence and experience. I have volunteered a lot of places and I think it's really helpful for expanding your understanding of what you do offer others and what you do do, and how capable you are of it.


----------



## Charus (May 31, 2017)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Well, let's address this Fi problem first. What does Fi have to do with being a man or a woman? It is simply one of several cognitive functions that one uses to navigate the world around them. It isn't bad or good, it isn't feminine or masculine, it is simply a judging function. It means you make judgements and decisions based upon how you feel inside about them. It doesn't make you an emotional wreck, in fact there are plenty of highly intelligent and logical people who have Fi in their stack. In essence, you have your own moral compass and you stick to it with a fierceness that is difficult to overcome. Fi users don't let others tell them what's right and wrong, they already KNOW. They are deeply authentic. No function is any "better" or "worse" than another. They all have a job to do and they do not make you something other than who you are.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The link for the "10 signs might be introverted" mostly pertains for specific Fi doms, this being who are Enneagram 4 core users. I honestly dont know what authencity is, this term is so vague that I hardly know whether I am being "Authentic" or not, hell I never cared about others being "Inauthentic" or not either.

There is one thing that I can see myself as being an Fi dom though, and that is I kind off.. relate to inferior Te grip experiences which includes; Feelings of inferiority, feeling I am dumb, or not good enough for others, other times I get bombarded with the feelings that I do not fit the mainstream male/masculine personality, and been pointed out that my debating skills are not great, which is evident in many of the threads I made, and that thread about Russia where I argued with @NIHM where instead of addressing things calmly and taking time to carefuly read things I just emotionaly lashed out.

But the thing is, I do not fit the common Fi dom descriptions either; Like I said I have no idea or grasp on the concept of authencity since this entire thing is just too vague, trying to be honest? Yes, being gentle for the sake of being gentle? No. I have grasp on things like what I believe is right or wrong, but this is really not my priority in life... Individualistic? I mean who isnt? Why is it an Fi dom specific thing? Not wanting to force my values on others? Eh I guess so, but maybe because I dont care enough to afford to put myself in pointless debates that are going to be a waste of time. Dislike critiquing? Well I actualy fall on the territory where I start critiquing things that dont seem correct, or in terms of things where I see things can be improved or fixed, even if I may get angry in my criticism.


----------



## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

perhaps you might relate more to Jung's descriptions of FI rather than MBTI? I suggest this because Jung's introvert feeler is not the same as the FPs in the MBTI. For example, the first paragraph in which you describe these feelings you feel that are negative are more within Jung's while the gentleness, ethical stuff of the 2nd paragraph are more pertaining to MBTI's "FP". I think many characteristics of Jung's introvert feeler are more related to MBTI FJ.


----------



## Charus (May 31, 2017)

Red Panda said:


> perhaps you might relate more to Jung's descriptions of FI rather than MBTI? I suggest this because Jung's introvert feeler is not the same as the FPs in the MBTI. For example, the first paragraph in which you describe these feelings you feel that are negative are more within Jung's while the gentleness, ethical stuff of the 2nd paragraph are more pertaining to MBTI's "FP". I think many characteristics of Jung's introvert feeler are more related to MBTI FJ.


I typed myself as an Ti from Jung's typology, which translates to TJ in MBTI, atleast thats what I thought, besides we'rent you always saying that you always saw me as a Ti dom?


----------



## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Charus said:


> I typed myself as an Ti from Jung's typology, which translates to TJ in MBTI, atleast thats what I thought, besides we'rent you always saying that you always saw me as a Ti dom?


Yea but if you're still considering the idea that you're FI and sense that you are often led by your feelings and you struggle with them maybe you are a feeler indeed. You know yourself better and how important, or prevalent in your life these feelings are, I could just have been wrong 'cause I may have misjudged based on how you present yourself.


----------



## Charus (May 31, 2017)

Red Panda said:


> Yea but if you're still considering the idea that you're FI and sense that you are often led by your feelings and you struggle with them maybe you are a feeler indeed. You know yourself better and how important, or prevalent in your life these feelings are, I could just have been wrong 'cause I may have misjudged based on how you present yourself.


Yea, I am, but honestly majority of Fi doms I've seen, they seem way too emotionaly intense, overly-melancholic and self-absorbed, which is too much to handle for me, so I just cannot relate to the majority of Fi doms. And then again I dont think just because I'm emotionaly thin skinned with anger issues is alone enough me to consider myself as an Feeler, I've seen so many Feelers (Fi doms included) who are much more calmer and thick skinned than I am with higher emotional intelligence.


----------



## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Charus said:


> Yea, I am, but honestly majority of Fi doms I've seen, they seem way too emotionaly intense, overly-melancholic and self-absorbed, which is too much to handle for me, so I just cannot relate to the majority of Fi doms. And then again I dont think just because I'm emotionaly thin skinned with anger issues is alone enough me to consider myself as an Feeler, I've seen so many Feelers (Fi doms included) who are much more calmer and thick skinned than I am with higher emotional intelligence.


I think those are more differences in _affect_, or emotional health/turbulence and less F as a function. If you judge things (others, yourself, society, norms, what matters, what doesn't matter, etc) using as compass the feelings they evoke in you, and you're generally focused on the feelings you have which they inform many of things you do (or don't do) in life, despite if they're positive or negative is more what determines if you prefer F or not. T suppresses feelings in favor of impersonal factors to judge things with.


----------



## Charus (May 31, 2017)

Red Panda said:


> I think those are more differences in _affect_, or emotional health/turbulence and less F as a function. If you judge things (others, yourself, society, norms, what matters, what doesn't matter, etc) using as compass the feelings they evoke in you, and you're generally focused on the feelings you have which they inform many of things you do (or don't do) in life, despite if they're positive or negative is more what determines if you prefer F or not. T suppresses feelings in favor of impersonal factors to judge things with.


Is this applies for both Jung and MBTI?


----------



## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Charus said:


> Is this applies for both Jung and MBTI?


technically yes, but MBTI describes everything in a positive way and on a surface level, like astrology, which makes it hard to get real understanding from reading their descriptions. Like, an FJ may be described as someone who tries to create harmony in their environment but the key is they want their environment to be an extension of how they're feeling and for it to be safe for them - if that doesn't happen it can lead to withdrawal (raising walls) or aggression/lashing out, being mean to others if they don't comply, etc.
So yea, mbti alone doesn't help much, even in the manual they don't go very indepth psychologically on the types because they're not really meant to be a tool for psychological health help.


----------



## Charus (May 31, 2017)

Red Panda said:


> technically yes, but MBTI describes everything in a positive way and on a surface level, like astrology, which makes it hard to get real understanding from reading their descriptions. Like, an FJ may be described as someone who tries to create harmony in their environment but the key is they want their environment to be an extension of how they're feeling and for it to be safe for them - if that doesn't happen it can lead to withdrawal (raising walls) or aggression/lashing out, being mean to others if they don't comply, etc.
> So yea, mbti alone doesn't help much, even in the manual they don't go very indepth psychologically on the types because they're not really meant to be a tool for psychological health help.


To some extent relatable, but I more withdraw from others because I am afraid that they are not actualy interested in me, so this is the reason why I dont approach people much, and retain the face of indifference when it comes to debates between group of people, here lies the issue with my timid personality, I'm afraid of asserting myself or approaching to avoid weird looks or being "Scolded", it is also why I dont reveal much about myself to others.

Yeah that exactly sounds like a jungian Introverted Judging function, but I'm unsure which one.


----------



## FaeSoleil (8 mo ago)

So... to preface this? I'm following my intuition pretty hard into directions I can't directly back up with evidence in what I have to say here, and this is at best is an educated guess. I could be wrong, and very wrong.



Charus said:


> I'm currently a fucking 22 (Soon gonna turn 23) years old NEET, If you know what that means, someone who is not in education and neither an employee on a job, and 99% of my time spent is being at home, surfing the internet, consuming youtube and video games and uselessly clinging towards some MBTI typology theory as a scapegoat of sort to pretend like I am "Interested" in something, I VERY rarely leave my house, majority of days spent being on the computer.
> 
> At the end, I have this feeling like I am living a lie, constantly lying to myself and doing absolutely NOTHING to change that for the better, unsure whether it is because I'm not motivated at all or have no desire or something to do anything beyond staying in the same comfort zone of old and unhealthy childish habits that hasnt changed at all since my time in kindergarden, where I live with my father and chasing some useless childish activities mentioned already.
> 
> ...


mmm... To me, the most distinct thing in this entire post is how terrified you are of others' judgment and what others would think of you. Like... you say you're afraid of being a Fi dom, not because it'd conflict with how you think of yourself but because others would see you as useless and unmasculine, that your previous mistyping would make your belief that you're an INTJ ridiculous and a sign of denial. Implicitly: That it'd get you laughed at.

Similarly, the kinds of things you say about yourself here like talking of your "useless childish activities" and "unhealthy childish habits" doesn't sound like something that comes from personal standards. People who feel they aren't meeting up with their _own_ standards tend to have a more clear direction of what they're doing wrong (instead of a feeling of saying "everything about me wrong, so why should I bother"?) and can more clearly articulate what they would want to be instead. This sounds more like been told that you're these things so much and so often that you've started to believe them, and it's been wearing down on your self-esteem.

I'm... going to use Socionics terms because it feels more natural here. This sounds a lot like a Fe Point of Least Resistance. To quote Sociotype:


> *Fe as Vulnerable Function*
> 
> The individual tries hard to never let himself "come apart at the seams" emotionally or even let out strong feelings publicly, because displays of passion do not come naturally and make him feel self-consciousness and vulnerable to painful criticism. This makes the individual generally seem emotionally neutral and politely indifferent to excitement and agitation around him. The individual deeply dislikes attempts by others to get him to "cheer up" or "join the fun", especially in the context of group activities with loud emotional expression.


Assuming the xNxx isn't a mistype (and you're actually Nx>Sx), that suggests your Socionics type would be LIE. This is Te-Ni-Si-Fe, and matches ENTJ closest in MBTI. I'm almost afraid to say this. I get the impression you're putting too much hope on being told your MBTI type as a proxy for knowing who you are. It... can't do that for you. It's a useful tool for starting the process of figuring it out, but not everyone even has a MBTI type that fits perfectly.

My suggestion for starting with that would be to figure out what you actually want out of life. Like... if you weren't worried about what other people would think, if you weren't worried about the practical aspects of it... what would you want out of life? What do you enjoy most, regardless of how practical it is to focus on it? I get the impression you've been so caught up in not wanting to think of yourself in a way that others would think you're a bad person for that you... haven't really given this so much thought.


----------

