# SJ: I gotta be more like you! Help me out



## WindRaven (Jan 13, 2010)

In general I have a pretty balanced personality and this serves me well. I can adapt to most situations and get on well with most people. The exception is that I have I very strong N. This is somewhat of a problem.

- I get paralyzed often from over-theorising

- I try to force reality to fit the theory even when it is not at all a good fit

- I get very stressed if I have to do things in an S kind of a way

- I am having a hard time with some SJs I have to work with just now because I find it near impossible to relate to S types

So I have thought about it long and hard and decided I need to move more over in the S direction.

How is this going to be achieved???


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

LOL
I really don't know how. But let see...

Since you are an ENFJ, your dominant functions are Fe Ni Se Ti.
So perhaps you can develop your Se more to balance your Ni.



> Extraverted Sensing (Se) occurs when we become aware of what is in the physical world in rich detail. We may be drawn to act on what we experience to get an immediate result. We notice relevant facts and occurrences in a sea of data and experiences, learning all the facts we can about the immediate context or area of focus and what goes on in that context. An active seeking of more and more input to get the whole picture may occur until all sources of input have been exhausted or something else captures our attention.
> 
> Se function is operating when we freely follow exciting physical impulses or instincts as they come up and enjoy the thrill of action in the present moment. A oneness with the physical world and a total absorption may exist as we move, touch, and sense what is around us. The process involves instantly reading cues to see how far we can go in a situation and still get the impact we want or respond to the situation with presence.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)




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## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

Continue to be yourself! You really can't be anyone else anyways.

If you feel that something is not quite right simply bring it up! Make them *concious* about their ways or with the situation. Follow your gut feelings, they are usually correct. Make the other part/s *aware* of the problem.

Just say exactly what you told us. "I feel like I can't relate to you, and I get stressed out working in the same manner you do." Then you have something to work with. 
You can always cheap shot to make them more ingratiating, score a point commenting on the breeze or the sunshine. "It's lovely how the breeze gently touch your face today. I could be outside for hours."


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## tskim (Mar 2, 2010)

keep track of your introverted intuition and train your extroverted sensing. Research more into extroverted sensing and follow through. It's not simple and expect that it would take awhile.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

I think contingency planning helps. It uses both Ni and Se. One of ENFJs strengths is being able to relate to anyone. Which is awkward since you present this bit about not being able to do it. You may need to expound further to get better advice. (Though I'm no guardian, I have much experience with them. Who doesn't?)


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## Achi (Mar 20, 2010)

It seems sort of counter productive to change yourself to be more S when doing things in a S way stresses you out.

One thing you can do is stop trying to force reality to fit theories and try to develop theories directly from what you observe, the theories will be less complicated and crazy this way. If you're over-theorizing then you should develop your Judging traits more too.

I used to have an exercise that helped to develop my S and J. Fighting blindfolded. I used to spar with my friends a lot, but since I always won because of my size, being blindfolded was one of my handicaps :crazy:

Edit *OT*: ESFJs, potentially the ultimate blindfolded fighters 0_o? Reach with their Extroverted Feeling and Sense disharmonies in the world around them, Judge what it is and act accordingly.


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