# Would you date a guy without a car?



## clavio (May 19, 2010)

Well would you?


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## breakthrough (Oct 15, 2010)

I don't 'date', but whether or not a guy has a car has doesn't influence my feelings toward him or my opinion of him. I have the same sentiments toward his amount of money, whether or not a guy still lives with his parents, his line of work, and his level of education. It all depends on the motivation and causes behind his actions and current situation, but I don't judge at all


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## AirMarionette (Mar 13, 2010)

Are you kidding? I could _never_ date someone who doesn't own a vehicle. Not only is it the _first_ thing I consider when choosing a partner, but especially in this economy, where vehicles are SO EASY to maintain and gas prices are so wonderfully low, not to mention the _impeccable_ driving skills of every motherfucker on the road that could never, ever cause accidents... ... ...


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## entropy (Mar 31, 2010)

No way. A guy without a car is clearly a loser with nothing positive to offer.


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## Thrifty Walrus (Jul 8, 2010)

entropy said:


> No way. A guy without a car is clearly a loser with nothing positive to offer.


Are you being sarcastic? I could tell Airmarionette was (cool avatar btw XD ) but I can't tell with you....

Anyways, I am a guy but I wouldn't care if a woman didn't have a car. Although circumstances should be taken into account, if they don't have one 'cause they're too lazy to try and get a job, that's different. Although I wouldn't go after someone like that so I suppose anyone I'd like would have a good reason for not having a car :wink:


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## Heather (Sep 22, 2009)

It depends. If he doesn't have a car because he's living in the city and doesn't want one, rides a bike a lot, or loves public transportation, then that's legitimate. If he doesn't have a car because he's too lazy to get a job and can just borrow his mom's minivan when he wants, then that makes him unattractive. Maybe not enough to keep me from dating him, but generally I do prefer a guy who has no problem getting what he wants.


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## SenhorFrio (Apr 29, 2010)

make no difference to me..TBH it would almost be preferable-i love walking!


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## Agile (Sep 27, 2010)

It should completely depend on where you live. I live in a city where parking is next to impossible to find, and owning a car is just generally inconvenient. I use Zipcar when I need to (renting-a-car for 8 dollars an hour). If owning a car is too important to the other person, than that is just materialistic and an immediate turn off.


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## Slkmcphee (Oct 19, 2009)

I could admire a guy for living his convictions if not owning a car was a part of that (not sure I would date him, though).
If a guy did not own a car because he owned a motorcycle, well...that's sorta hot.


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## SaraBell (Jun 3, 2010)

My boyfriend doesn't have a car and it's never been a problem. If he needs to go anywhere, he walks, bikes, takes the bus, or takes a cab. He could save up for one if he wanted to, it's just not a priority. I have a scooter, but it's only for one person so he doesn't get to go on it


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## Jazibelle (Sep 3, 2010)

Me before (when I was 18) :
The man I was with 19 years, when I met him, he didn't have a car, money, a job and was living 
in the basement of his mom's place.... but he whent back to school, got a good job and had a car...
I was happy to be there when all those great things hapend in his life. (he overcomed other things too)

Me now (39) : YES a BMW = *B*us, *M*etro, *W*alk... :wink:
I don't care if he has a car or not, but he needs to be good with money (not to have alot and not for me
to spend) but just so I don't have to lend him some or that if we want to go out to do and activity we could.
a car is just a way of transport, where I live we have bus, metro, trains, taxis.


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## bright Sky (Oct 12, 2010)

I date a guy who did not have his own car LOL Lucky for me a year later he bought a 2008 Nissan Altima. He lets me drive it around while he drives my old car!


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

So I CAN sell my old car now and start taking the bus!


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Whatever. I"m an artist which makes me a pseudo bohemian. Many of my colleagues and fellow professors don't own a vehicle due to personal values. I own what I want for the reasons I want. I don't expect my partner to provide anything I can provide for myself. 

I don't judge a person by their material possessions _at all_. If their values and life style match mine, that is more important. As long as they are fully functioning, motivated, and independent, that's more important to me. Hey- maybe they will even get me to give up my car. 

I love men who go a different path. I would probably find it sexy.


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## Jojo (Jul 5, 2010)

A guy without a car is like a cowboy without a horse. Popeye without Spinach. McDonald
s without Big Mac's. In other words it just isn't right....:tongue:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

However, I would never date Jojo if he didn't have a car.


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## Jojo (Jul 5, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> However, I would never date Jojo if he didn't have a car.


What if I had horse or even better a moped? Moped are green and energy friendly! I could save money to buy you nicer things or do fun memorable stuff.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Jojo said:


> What if I had horse or even better a moped? Moped are green and energy friendly! I could save money to buy you nicer things!


Pfft. Mopeds are gay. I like scooters. And apparently you'd just take me through a McDonald's drive thru on your horse. McDonald's doesn't even serve lobster to go and they won't put diamond's in their Happy Meal. 

I may not require a car, but I still deserve the "flossy flossy", Popeye.


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## Jojo (Jul 5, 2010)

I would NEVER take you McDonald's.. I want you to win a marathon. Healthy is important. I Yam what I yam.. aghhhhgagagagagaga


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## Ming (Apr 7, 2010)

Jojo said:


> A guy without a car is like a cowboy without a horse. Popeye without Spinach. McDonald
> s without Big Mac's. In other words it just isn't right....:tongue:


Say that to people in third world countries. 

*facepalm*


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

SuburbanLurker said:


> I don't understand why whether or not a guy has a car factors in.
> :dry:


 Well when you are dating someone where there are not loads of reliable modes of public transport (no train goes there) they either have a car or you just don't see each other. My part of town still doesn't have a train that goes past (closest is about 15 mins away by car) and there would be a couple of buses to catch as it isn't direct. So it just makes sense to be dating someone who has a car. Anyway, my husband isn't a tight wad and never minded in the least driving to see me or to take me out somewhere. I guess it all comes down to your upbringing. My husband is a gentleman with things like this. 

To be perfectly honest,_ for me_, a real man has a car, a career (or is actively planning for it), and a plan for his future. Since alot of you are students I guess you aren't in the same mindset which is understandable. Students are often broke so I can understand guys of this age not having a car. Still having said that, I had a car of my own at 17 yrs old, and I bought it myself, no rich parents to buy it for me. They wanted me to know the value of money, which I certainly did. I was on a low income as a junior receptionist and this was no small deal to purchase, but the independence it gave me was worth it's weight in gold.


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## Rayne (Apr 28, 2010)

I hope you do all of the cooking and cleaning kiwi


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I don't drive. I don't care whether my future mate does. Owning a car is irrelevant and has nothing to do with compatibility. I would be disgusted with myself if I were so much of a materialist that I cared about such things, and likewise, I would resent him if he looked down on me for something so shallow. 

If neither of us could drive, then we would just end up walking together a lot, which could be romantic. I have a phobia of fast movement.


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## SuburbanLurker (Sep 26, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> Well when you are dating someone where there are not loads of reliable modes of public transport (no train goes there) they either have a car or you just don't see each other.


Can you not drive to his house? And wouldn't you move in together eventually?



kiwigrl said:


> To be perfectly honest, for me, a real man has a car, a career (or is actively planning for it), and a plan for his future.


I respect your honesty, but it has to be pointed out that this is flat out sexist. About equivalent to saying _"A real woman has my dinner ready for me when I come home from work, my clothes nice and ironed out for me when I wake up in the morning, and the desire to dedicate her life to looking after our three children"._

I'm pretty sure the only requirements to being a "real man" is having a Y chromosome.



Snail said:


> If neither of us could drive, then we would just end up walking together a lot, which could be romantic. I have a phobia of fast movement.


Why don't girls like you exist in real life? :frustrating:


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Rayne said:


> I hope you do all of the cooking and cleaning kiwi


What's this got to do with the price of fish? lol. 
Are you alluding to my traditional mindset? Well as a matter of fact I do the above, and I am happy to because it works for us. He does the blue jobs (earning the big dollars, mowing the lawns, putting out the rubbish most of the time, that sort of thing). I admit that I couldn't be further from the whole women's Lib mindset. So sue me, I am happily married.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

SuburbanLurker said:


> I respect your honesty, but it has to be pointed out that this is flat out sexist. About equivalent to saying _"A real woman has my dinner ready for me when I come home from work, my clothes nice and ironed out for me when I wake up in the morning, and the desire to dedicate her life to looking after our three children"._


LMAO!!!!! That's funny.

Oh and btw, I couldn't drive for the first couple months because my car was written off, and no we couldn't have 'moved in together' until there were wedding rings on our fingers.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Eh, if that lifestyle works for you, and if you agree on it with your husband, then I guess that's fine, Kiwigirl. It's consensual and you're both happy. I can't complain about that. I guess it's up to each couple to decide how they interact and what they expect from each other, but it certainly isn't my thing. 

I'm not traditionally-minded. I avoid placing gender-based expectations on anyone if those expectations might make individual authenticity more difficult. A person is a "real" man or woman only under the condition that s/he isn't being successfully manipulated, either by cultural expectations or by those s/he cares about, into being unreal. I don't think owning a car generally makes a person any more or less real than not owning a car.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> Well I like traditional gentlemen, not sure how that works in a women only relationship.


Contrary to popular belief, same-gender relationships aren't that different, if at all. I don't know where people get the idea that they are different, honest. :frustrating:



kiwigrl said:


> My husband didn't drive me everywhere but he was *willing* to drive me, it's just that I've had my own car since I was 17 so I would meet him often.


In my ex's case she had:

- Bus
- Train
- Subway

She had everything to go where she wanted to from my house as I lived near what we call a "public transport hub" where they all converge.
Telling me to drive and waste gas, tires, oil, brakes, etc, when she can step right out of my house and catch a *direct bus* to her destination (the bus stop was *right across the road*!) that comes every 15 minutes is, to say the least, ridiculous.

Also, she was (at the time, I don't know now) an IT like I am and she earned as much as me since we both are Computer Engineering Masters and were at the same company, just in different departments. So, no excuses not to have a car if she wants to prance about in one so much.
Also, I'm willing to drive people* if they need *but in this case, it was just a matter of being a lazy bum and I hate lazy bums. I worked hard to get my stuff, why shouldn't she? I'm not a charity.


Edit: Re-added as it was quoted.

I do all the "Blue" work (leaking sinks, paint, re-plaster, make closets, fill gaps, lay floors if needed, etc) as my girlfriend can't do them to save her life (even though both her parents do them), and I cook. We share house general cleaning duties. 

Still, I find this "real man has a car" completely sexist, I'm sorry. After all, are you dating/marrying the man or the car?


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

My uncle said it best; "If it weren't for the fact that your aunt and I live an hour away from the city in the middle of nowhere being dependant on a car to get us from A to B - if we were living _in_ the city - we wouldn't have owned a car." The difference between me and them is that they _need_ it. Some people _consume_ and _expect_ luxory treatment, whereas others do it because they actually _need_ it. Some people greed, some people _need_. I mean, the bus stops outside my house every 20 minutes, like what the fuck do I need a car for? (Which is why I'm dumping my cars). It cost 10 dollars to drive from my apartment into the city, whereas it cost 3 dollars for a bus ticket which I can use for an hour switching between busses. It's like it's the most difficult math problem in history figuring out where the money is going when you own a car... >_>


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## Rayne (Apr 28, 2010)

Well said. You can still be plenty independent without a car, you just have to be less lazy. All I see when I think of owning a car is a great deal of stress.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

> Contrary to popular belief, same-gender relationships aren't that different, if at all. I don't know where people get the idea that they are different, honest. :frustrating:


Thanks for clarifying.



> Also, she was (at the time, I don't know now) an IT like I am and she earned as much as me since we both are Computer Engineering Masters and were at the same company, just in different departments. So, no excuses not to have a car if she wants to prance about in one so much.
> Also, I'm willing to drive people if they need but in this case, it was just a matter of being a lazy bum and I hate lazy bums. I worked hard to get my stuff, why shouldn't she? I'm not a charity.


Fair enough.



> I do all the "Blue" work (leaking sinks, paint, re-plaster, make closets, fill gaps, lay floors if needed, etc) as my girlfriend can't do them to save her life (even though both her parents do them), and I cook. We share house general cleaning duties.


 It sounds like you treat her pretty well. You do the blue jobs as well as cook and clean the house? You sound awesome. My husband expects me to pick up a paintbrush or some sandpaper now and then, or to get on the other end of a heavy plank etc. I have done alot of interior decorating. I also do 95% of the cooking & cleaning. I don't mind though because he earns all the money for our household at the moment so it's the least I can do. 



> Still, I find this "real man has a car" completely sexist, I'm sorry. After all, are you dating/marrying the man or the car?


 I probably didn't word it the best, I am not what you would call PC. But here it is... I honestly couldn't respect a man who can't pick me up in his own car. I wanted the whole package. Someone who would do the romantic thing and pick me up, pay for my dinner (at least in the beginning). I drove myself during the week and when we weren't seeing each other. But come the weekend or date night, he insisted on driving me, he wanted to.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

Edit: Seems I made some kind of wall of text... :mellow:



kiwigrl said:


> Thanks for clarifying.


You're welcome. :happy:



kiwigrl said:


> It sounds like you treat her pretty well. You do the blue jobs as well as cook and clean the house? You sound awesome. My husband expects me to pick up a paintbrush or some sandpaper now and then, or to get on the other end of a heavy plank etc. I have done alot of interior decorating. I also do 95% of the cooking & cleaning. I don't mind though because he earns all the money for our household at the moment so it's the least I can do.


Hmm... well... incurring the risk of sounding like a mush or some such... she's "my girl" and we've been together for a couple of years already. She's one of 2 people that I open up with and well... I love her, so yes... I try to treat her good as I know that dealing with me can be a nightmare sometimes. I am very aware of how hard it can be...

As for the blue jobs... well... my father worked as construction worker on his teen years and went back to it after retiring from the navy so I have a good source of knowledge. He wanted a boy and ended up with a tomboy girl which for him, was just as good :laughing:, so he taught me basically all he knows. 
I don't mind doing the blue jobs, I actually like it and she can help me with some small stuff, much like you help your husband. My attempts to try to teach her failed as she prefers to let me do the complex stuff... the sneak.

I cook because she likes my food better _(kudos to both my parents as they are incredible cooks) _and she hates cooking with a passion and finds it boring. I like cooking so I don't mind. I'm actually training my bread baking skills as we live too far from anywhere to get fresh bread every day.

As for the cleaning, we live in a 4 bedroom house with 2 floors so leaving it to just one of us to clean alone would be overwhelming to say the least. It's at minimum 200m2 of house to clean 

We both contribute to the house income but I work from home so certain tasks are easier for me, like cooking for example. Always nice to come home to a freshly cooked dinner, yes? :wink:



kiwigrl said:


> I probably didn't word it the best, I am not what you would call PC. But here it is... I honestly couldn't respect a man who can't pick me up in his own car. I wanted the whole package. Someone who would do the romantic thing and pick me up, pay for my dinner (at least in the beginning). I drove myself during the week and when we weren't seeing each other. But come the weekend or date night, he insisted on driving me, he wanted to.


Well, thanks for explaining and... you're a romantic, I would say. But nowadays, the romanticism is dying away for a lot of reasons, one of which _(that relates to your case)_ is: money. 
Being romantic requires money and in these times of thin _(or should I say skeletal...)_ cows, money is hard to come by an romanticism is now something done more with small gestures and actions as everything else is too expensive. 

*Warning: INTJ mush alert. Run for the hills!*

For me, romantic dinners are at home where we can be at ease and let things flow if they want to :wink:
Not saying going out is bad, it's just I don't like crowded places full of strangers where I can't be at ease around her and I know she hates it when I retreat into my shell. You know... INTJ thing... strangers = hide.

Also, seems I did something extremely sweet the other night as I was suddenly being told I was "so sweet" and "cute". I'll explain...

This house _(for some reason... I suspect the constructor lacked brain..._) doesn't have an exhauster above the stove_ (we're going to install one)_, we have to open the window next to it in order for the vapor from cooking to go out. Well... seems we forgot to open it and when we went to check dinner, the kitchen was resembling a sauna _(and we're talking about some 40m2 of kitchen here)_.

For some reason, I looked at the fogged windows and my inner child decided to kick me in the brain. I went to the windows and made some kiddie drawings, including one that was my name, a heart and then her name. She saw it and was suddenly all over me calling me "sweet" and kissing me and whatnot while I blinked in bewilderment. 

Also, we_* (this might sound strange) *_are conservative in what comes to displays of affection. We don't "show off" in public and find it disgusting to do so. This has nothing to do with our sexual orientation though. We find it horrid in hetero couples as well. We'd rather stay home with a nice drink, food and sit on the floor in front of the fireplace having a calm, romantic night.

So, you see... things aren't so different on this side of the spectrum. We have good moments, we have bad moments, we laugh, we cry, we're romantic too, all the same, no differences except the obvious one. :happy:

And as for the car... if we didn't live in an acre of land in the middle of nowhere, we'd probably get rid of it as it's a huge toll on the money. Both of us don't consider it something "romantic" or needed for a relationship to "bloom".

And... and... how the heck did you get me to start spilling out like this?! :shocked: *goes hide in a corner*


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## SuburbanLurker (Sep 26, 2010)

ilphithra said:


> Well, thanks for explaining and... you're a romantic, I would say. But nowadays, the romanticism is dying away for a lot of reasons, one of which (that relates to your case) is: money.
> Being romantic requires money and in these times of thin (or should I say skeletal...) cows, money is hard to come by an romanticism is now something done more with small gestures and actions as everything else is too expensive.


The definition of romanticism is pretty subjective and abstract, but this isn't what I consider to be romanticism at all. The dozen roses, the expensive dinner and wine, the big diamond ring...it's all meaningless, materialistic nonsense in my view. It's consumerist romanticism that corporate driven pop culture has brainwashed western society to believe is the only way to express our appreciation for our partner. (Picture a tiny, ugly old CEO with a cigar in his mouth on your shoulder): _Buy things, expensive things. Your woman deserves it. Show her you love her by draining your wallet, she won't love you if you don't. P.S. support the economy, make me rich._ 

If we're all being honest here, I can't respect a woman who _expects_ a man to drive her around and pay for all the meals, and I don't see how a woman like that, in today's society where women have all the same opportunities in life as men, could respect herself. There's just no justification for it, unless you're implying that you, as a female, are an inferior creature. These traditions? They stem from a time when women _were_ considered inferior to men; when they weren't allowed to vote or pursue careers. Why would anyone want to uphold traditions that pay honor to the dehumanization of women?

My idea of romanticism has only to do with the human connection and that alone. A romantic night is not a dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town, but a canoe ride around a glass-calm lake at dusk; not a dozen roses, but a love song I wrote for her on my guitar. Nothing says "I love you" like creative expression, be it in a tangible form or that of an idea. There's nothing creative about doing something you've seen in about a million movies.

/rant


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

SuburbanLurker said:


> The definition of romanticism is pretty subjective and abstract, but this isn't what I consider to be romanticism at all. The dozen roses, the expensive dinner and wine, the big diamond ring...it's all meaningless, materialistic nonsense in my view. It's consumerist romanticism that corporate driven pop culture has brainwashed us to believe is the only way to express our appreciation for our partner. (Picture a tiny, ugly old CEO with a cigar in his mouth on your shoulder): _Buy things, expensive things. Your woman deserves it. Show her you love her by draining your wallet, she won't love you if you don't. P.S. support the economy, make me rich._
> 
> If we're all being honest here, I can't respect a woman who _expects_ a man to drive her around and pay for all the meals, and I don't see how a woman like that, in today's society where women have all the same opportunities in life as men, could respect herself. There's just no justification for it, unless you're implying that you, as a female, are an inferior creature. These traditions? They stem from a time when women _were_ considered inferior to men; when they weren't allowed to vote or pursue careers. Why would anyone want to uphold traditions that are an ode to the dehumanization of women?
> 
> ...


Well, she said herself that her mindset if a bit more in the "old days". Personally, if she's happy about it, who am I to go and tell her that she's wrong. I just don't agree to it.
While I don't agree to the materialistic views of romanticism (if you notice, I mentioned dinner at home and fireplace), I can understand *to a degree *that some people (or women in this case) might like it and appreciate it.
Personally, having a car or being given expensive gifts or flowers do nothing for me and I wouldn't go around giving them either. There can be a lot of "romanticism" without having to waste a load of money on it.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

My first wife's first husband had no car. She found out after they got married that it was because all of his money was going into cocaine. She didn't know what it meant to live with an addict, but she found out after he spent all of her money too.

Thus, car ownership is a sign of moral strength and domestic bliss. :crazy:

America, fuck yeah!!!!! :tongue::tongue::tongue:


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## SuburbanLurker (Sep 26, 2010)

ilphithra said:


> Well, she said herself that her mindset if a bit more in the "old days". Personally, if she's happy about it, who am I to go and tell her that she's wrong. I just don't agree to it.
> While I don't agree to the materialistic views of romanticism (if you notice, I mentioned dinner at home and fireplace), I can understand *to a degree *that some people (or women in this case) might like it and appreciate it.
> Personally, having a car or being given expensive gifts or flowers do nothing for me and I wouldn't go around giving them either. There can be a lot of "romanticism" without having to waste a load of money on it.


I'm not trying to suggest that anyone change their ways. Doesn't mean I can't argue with them. :tongue:

Indeed, I can also understand how a woman could enjoy all the benefits but none of the negatives of their age old gender roles at the expense of someone else's wallet. I mean, free shit, right? It's not something I can respect though, and I wouldn't have felt compelled to say anything were it not for all that "real man" nonsense.

Also I don't want it to seem like I'm directing everything I'm saying towards kiwigirl. I'd imagine there are a lot of women who agree with her but just don't have the balls to admit it.


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## wafflecake (Aug 30, 2010)

When I was first getting into online dating, I remember a LOT of conversations ending when I said I didn't have a car.
How shallow people can be! I'm sorry I didn't have my parents GIVE me a car, or that I have other priorities with my money (school, since I pay for it myself, food, rent, utilities, etc.). I see no point in owning a car where I live. Plenty of CHEAP public transportation, and I save a lot of money on gas/car payments/maintenence/insurance/etc. 

Besides, I kinda like showing up at places in cabs. And it's nice in that it does keep the shallow, materialistic women away (like some of the ones in this thread...so much for gender equality; you still want to be chauffered around).


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

SuburbanLurker said:


> I'm not trying to suggest that anyone change their ways. Doesn't mean I can't argue with them. :tongue:


And I never suggested that you were suggesting it :wink:


SuburbanLurker said:


> Indeed, I can also understand how a woman could enjoy all the benefits but none of the negatives of their age old gender roles at the expense of someone else's wallet. It's not something I can respect though, and I wouldn't have felt compelled to say anything were it not for all that "real man" nonsense.


Personally, living off of someone else's wallet would just throw me in a pit, but that's me. I didn't grow up being told to "settle down, have kids" and so on. I grew up listening to "fight, be independent, let no one own you" and this, coming from my own parents who were born in the 1940's_ (no, they weren't hippies. Too busy working for that)._
The "real man" thing got me "what the hell" for a moment but that's me as I see no relation between a car and being a "real man"... or woman for that matter. But that's me and my views/opinions and me and kiwigrl will have to agree to disagree on this one.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

ilphithra said:


> And... and... how the heck did you get me to start spilling out like this?! :shocked: *goes hide in a corner*


LOL, I'm an ENFJ and a romantic so there you have it. I am amazed that I got an INTJ to spill that much info though. Thanks for sharing. 

Don't get me wrong I am not one who expects lavish gifts all the time. I just think that there are fundamentals that my SO should have, like a CAR! :tongue: That is a practical thing if you live in Auckland, ask _WEKA_.

As far as the little things, I like writing notes to him and baking him a banana cake (his favourite). I like it when he cleans the kitchen up for me and I get to sit on the couch, long walks, a top knotch & peaceful dinner for two (which I cooked). Those things are romantic to me.


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## Rayne (Apr 28, 2010)

Just, assigning people roles because of what genitals they have will always seem alien to me.


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