# INTP romance social etiquette help!!



## thatguy (Apr 27, 2009)

Ok, so I am in the process of beginning a romantic relationship with an INTP girl and need a little advice or maybe just a few thoughts on my situation...

So we like each other a lot (it would seem? Since we keep texting and hanging out with each other?). Things are going very slowly though, I think because both of us are slightly wary of romantic relationships.

The thing that I need a little input on however, is this: I have been single for most of my life, she though has just come out of a 4 year long relationship with her high school sweetheart. They broke up two or three times and this last time was for real it seems. The dude was an IST/FP or something so they never really worked, being just a little too different.

She obviously still thinks about the guy and is dealing with the obligatory grief and thought loops and emotions of a breakup. My problem: I wish I could talk to her about all this deep stuff and help her deal with it but I am held back by two possible reasons: 
1) I honestly don't want to talk about her ex all that much (he dumped her after all, what a dusche).
2) I don't want our relationship to be based on her last breakup
3) She doesn't seem ready (or maybe I'm not comfortable yet) to talk about such deep things with me yet.
4) I don't want to get too deep and scary talking about deep things, I am scared we will stop having fun if our relationship is based on deep scary conversations (though I do so enjoy deep, emotionally invested conversations).

Ok those were 4 reasons, but ya. That's pretty much it. I hope that made some sense to someone out there.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

Oh wait, also, some other questions:
- How do I know she is over ex-dude?
- How do we move forward (get emotionally attached and stuff)?


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## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

dang.

Uhhh, we dont value social romance eti.... OMG that whole TERM in the title is like antithetical. I hate it. a lot.

My advice - tell her number 2 WORD FOR WORD then walk away, and wait a few.... weeks, maybe months, knowing us. Not break off contact, just, dont expect to get a relevant reply right away - expect snarkiness, rudeness and jokes in meantime. Segway into #2 with a statement about how you're feeling/where you're at, so there's a logical context. n do it while departing. The idea is she'll be "over it" and understand your position, understand you wanna grow together, when she gives you a relevant reply.

No etiquette benefits here. F revelations presented in Ti fashion kick our ass and hard. We often get defensive from the get go, but thats only a good sign.

this is all theoretical mind you ....I make no claim as to the probability of success should you actually try that


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