# rude posters on boards



## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Hi

Recently, I got attacked by two people on the enfp boards. It saddens me because for a while I used to visit everyday and since the incident I have avoided starting threads or replying to others that I found interesting. I even considered retiring as a member because I was so upset. 

One of the members was greatly unliked by several members because she had a tendency to write things in an offensive way. I stood by/up for her a few times because I felt sorry for her, not because I agreed with her and then she went and made a really nasty comment about me when I was having a disagreement with someone. I felt really betrayed and actually wanted to chuck something at her.

I am considering befriending people on the boards I get along with and talking in a safe place away from unfair criticism. Do you think this would be worth my time?


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## ShadowComet (Aug 14, 2011)

Trolls, Flamers, and Haters, three types of people you will see often. My advice: avoid, avoid avoid, and do not respond to them, just ignore them, move on, find some other post that is more constructive to the thread.

Don't worry, it happens all the time, think of it as one of those little dogs that keeps on barking. They do this, cause if they ever acted like that in the real world, they know they would get their face punched in, so they do it here instead, just because they can.


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## agreenbough (Aug 11, 2010)

Something similar happened to me and I felt a lot like you. But then I realized the person attacking me isn't someone I like anyway. She's showing her true colors and embarrasing no one but herself. She can knock herself out.


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## quadrivium (Nov 6, 2011)

I think it is always worth your time to pursue people who are good to you and that you enjoy. I'm sorry that this happened; it sounds like she has some growing up to do. You can forgive a person, but that doesn't mean you have to put yourself in a place to be hurt like that again. As for leaving the board, this person is not worth it. Move on.


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## ShadowComet (Aug 14, 2011)

corgiflatmate said:


> I think it is always worth your time to pursue people who are good to you and that you enjoy. I'm sorry that this happened; it sounds like she has some growing up to do. You can forgive a person, but that doesn't mean you have to put yourself in a place to be hurt like that again. As for leaving the board, this person is not worth it. Move on.


too bad growing up is limited to your interactions with REAL people, and not over the internet, the problem with such people online, is because of the way they are, no one wants to interact with them in the real world, so they seek it here where there is little to no consequence to their actions.


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## quadrivium (Nov 6, 2011)

Well that's the problem with trolls: They thrive on the internet.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

I've actually been thinking about this and wondering why it seems like the same people can be so different online than irl. I am sure the filter that we normally have seems to be completely shut down, but I thought there has to be another reason if it's such a frequent problem. Like _why_ do people feel it necessary to be bitchy to people online or even worse, just harass them or stalk them? Are people that deceptive in person to a person's face that they need to vent? And this is the "perfect" way to do so because you can do it quite anonymously and face no consequences whatsoever. I know I'm quite different after much analysis, but I'm still trying to figure out how exactly to pull this off. It seems to be a very common issue, so I don't feel it's an isolated problem that only the socially retarded experience, but a large (or maybe it's just the same people over and over) segment of the population that seems to find the need to express themselves in a rather degrading manner.

- chronic sufferer of online foot-in-mouth disease

To the OP, try not to let it get to you, that's precisely what they want.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Some people are just plain rude,and there is nothing we can do but avoid them.They feel better when they can insult others without consequence online.Bullies come in all shapes and sizes,and they have always been around and unfortunately always will be.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

If anyone makes rude remarks to you on this forum, then report the posts/pms/visitor messages to staff.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

Growing up, I noticed how my friends and family members would treat some and not others a certain way..

I don't know the incidents that were mentioned about in the OP, since I don't really pay attention to drama. 

However, what I learned is whenever someone tries to degrade you in any way, it's a sad feeling, you know? To get to that point where you have so much venom in your system that you want to knock someone else down in order to feel good about yourself? (I'm not implying this by you as in you, but am explaining it as you not literally).. okay, so when people do that, they don't feel good about themselves. It's not about you, it's about them. It's a masquerade for confidence when it's low self-esteem. Because if said persons or people were to really want to get to know you before judging you, then they're worth your time. They have that courage to do so. Not those who single handedly discount you for mere entertainment because they are bored or don't feel good about themselves in general. It's hard to feel compassion for those who hurt us. Sometimes that helps with forgiveness. Other times, it's more like "thanks for reminding me. See you later." Because even though it's irritating now, it's still your life and your precious time. So live it the way you want to, and let that energy subside, because it won't be here tomorrow or in twenty years.. You know you deserve to feel good, that is the option, and do so!


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

1. Anonymous online people are just that. Anonymous online people. Some are good, and some are trolls. What they say to you or others may be offensive, but usually want attention or live far enough away from you where a simple click of the 'x' button will make them go away, but to have them go away from here, that's what the mods are for. Plus, they more likely than not have little to no life off of a computer screen, so the most reaction they deserve from you is usually pity. 

2.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)




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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

chickydoda said:


> Hi
> 
> Recently, I got attacked by two people on the enfp boards. It saddens me because for a while I used to visit everyday and since the incident I have avoided starting threads or replying to others that I found interesting. I even considered retiring as a member because I was so upset.
> 
> ...


You shouldn't be taking PerC seriously to the point where you actually get your IRL feelings hurt. =P

People will get bitchy on the net, because that's the only place they can get away with it. For people who are unable to handle conflict properly IRL, this is their dumping ground for their unresolved emo and angst. 

When you're communicating within established "communities" such as PerC, there's always going to be a certain "culture" - and no matter how high of an IQ the community members claim to have, you're overall going to get a visceral response if you voice out opinions that contrast with the "culture mindset." 

For instance, I notice a very non-religious liberal vibe on this forum. If you were to write a post about how you felt God was the world's savior and that you felt that atheists needed to be "saved" by mandating school prayer (which I disagree with, but it's an example)...these people here will vomit blood, roll their eyeballs to the backs of their head and go apeshit on you. 

It's just the way it is. It's like that in ANY tight-knit group, it's just the opinions themselves that change. I don't care how N the group members are. We're all humans, and it's an ugly tendency when we form groups. I try to be aware of it myself, but I have unfortunately succumbed to the temptation to engage in the mob-and-pitchfork mentality before.

That's the reality; accept it. Don't let it get to you. Fight back.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Promethea said:


> If anyone makes rude remarks to you on this forum, then report the posts/pms/visitor messages to staff.


Thanks, but it doesn't always work. I've found I don't always see eye to eye with the moderators on different websites. Someone here saw that I was a New Zealander and made a really offensive joke about it, and I was furious, so I reported it, and the mod was like, no big deal, and I was like what?!? Its not just about getting upset, but getting the mod to see it from the same pov, and sometimes they don't. And if other people looked at what this girl wrote, they might just say we have a difference of opinion, and thats it.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Thanks everyone, I was feeling mega depressed because I haven't had internet since moving to New Zealand (just what I can get off my phone and from sponging off friends houses!!!) and I didn't get an email notification to tell me there had been any movement in this board, so I was just like, great, this topics sunk to the bottom and no ones going to see it  But you did you did!!! 

I have been stewing over this for weeks!!! I haven't had nice thoughts about it either. I actually blocked both people on the original thread, but somehow she found another thread I made and replied to that, basically saying I was posting over and over about the same things, and I was obviously not learning anything and I needed to see a counsillor... I don't think people on the internet can make that judgement, because everyone struggles with something and has the occassional bad day, plus she doesn't know my full background. I could have already been seeing someone without her knowing (not that its anyone business), but I just found the suggestion really rude, and it was, if you find me so annoying and repetitive, why do you even click onto my threads? I wish I knew what to say to her, but she has friends here, and I don't want to turn everyone against me.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

chickydoda said:


> Thanks, but it doesn't always work. I've found I don't always see eye to eye with the moderators on different websites. Someone here saw that I was a New Zealander and made a really offensive joke about it, and I was furious, so I reported it, and the mod was like, no big deal, and I was like what?!? Its not just about getting upset, but getting the mod to see it from the same pov, and sometimes they don't. And if other people looked at what this girl wrote, they might just say we have a difference of opinion, and thats it.


I've a feeling half of this forum would be banned in no time if individual anger attacks were reason enough for moderators to take action. In fact you're only getting upset *because* you're emotionally involved and care, moderators are (or should be) on the objective end of the spectrum when it comes to inference.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Erbse said:


> I've a feeling half of this forum would be banned in no time if individual anger attacks were reason enough for moderators to take action. In fact you're only getting upset *because* you're emotionally involved and care, moderators are (or should be) on the objective end of the spectrum when it comes to inference.


 Well, I guess I find some cultural jokes funny, like races other than my own. I think the kiwi/sheep sex thing is overdone though, and outside of the joke, the posters were still being real @ssholes. I guess I'm not used to getting alot of hate based on where I come from, I would probably get alot more if I was African American, American or Asian. Maybe I have some double standards I need to work through.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

chickydoda said:


> Well, I guess I find some cultural jokes funny, like races other than my own. I think the kiwi/sheep sex thing is overdone though, and outside of the joke, the posters were still being real @ssholes. I guess I'm not used to getting alot of hate based on where I come from, I would probably get alot more if I was African American, American or Asian. Maybe I have some double standards I need to work through.


Well, it's New Zealand, at least take pride in your sheep, as that's really the only thing I know about New Zealand as well (aside from a superb landscape). Well, you got Shape Shifter as well, if I'm not mistaken.

I'm German, I'm a Nazi first and foremost wherever I go. At least I get a lot of racist innuendo thrown at me from Online friends, rather than being upset however I just play along and dish it out just as much, all in good fun of course.

Don't take things personally, even less so if they're meant to be a personal attack to begin with.


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## timeless (Mar 20, 2010)

The best solution is to take the high ground. There are people who want to drag you down because they can't converse at any other level than "herp derp you're an idiot!11" and that's not a place you want to be.

Plus, it helps from a moderator perspective. All too often, two people start going at each other's throats with personal attacks and both people will point the finger at the other as to who started it. If you take the high ground, it's easier for a moderator to sort out what's going on and make the correct decision.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I think also there is a big difference between just being rude, and being insulting. And sometimes it's hard to tell someone's tone over the internet. Have you pm'd the enfps who you thought were being rude and asked them what's up?


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

chickydoda said:


> O-kay. *I don't understand. Are you saying people think you are a Nazi because you are a German?* Or you are a grammer Nazi or something? I'm trying not to jump to conclusions here, I just want to understand what you mean. I'm part German, and no-ones ever called me a Nazi (I'm like 1/8th or 1/16th or something... its still in my blood though). I don't understand how you can be a Nazi online but on the internet. It doesn't sound like you are a Nazi at all!


Prejudices / Stereotypes - they're what makes the world go around.

The bold part about sums it up.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Erbse said:


> Prejudices / Stereotypes - they're what makes the world go around.
> 
> The bold part about sums it up.


 It sounds like the people you have been talking to are stupid. No reasonable person would suggest that. I believe the Germans were good people, but they came into terrible times, and they needed a scapegoat, which is why all the Jews were persecuted after Hitler rose to power. It could happen anywhere. I wouldn't hold it against someone like six generations later. Thats like blaming the Jews for killing Jesus, if it wasn't them, it would have been someone else.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

They're called trolls and they can show up anywhere. Strangely, they occur most frequently in the type boards. The best solution is to avoid feeding them and to report them when they do emerge.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

I think I know which member you're talking about. I won't mention names, but will say this - some people have an extra prickly demeanor. Despite what they may say to you in the heat of the moment, it's usually not personal. They do the same thing to everyone.

Now go have a drink and relax. =P

EDIT: Uh, did my last post just get removed? It wasn't an insult, it was merely practical advice rather than the "there, there" platitudes that is typically offered in response to questions like this.

After all, is this the Advice forum, or the Kiss My Boo Boo Forum?

It has to be a mistake. No one can possibly be _that_ over-sensitive...can they??


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

I've found that some people view disruption and antagonism for their own sake to be a meaningful form of communication. Such people don't really think of themselves as trolls, but that's what they effectively do. The problem is that they are not contributing to the conversation in any imaginable way, which makes what they say all the more frustrating.


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

I did not read ALL of these bits of advice, but will say that I almost never remember the victim or what they did, but certainly DO feel a rather long lasting disgust for the ugly way the bully appeared in doling out their foul abuse. If you can keep from engaging them, only THEY will come out smelling terrible.

I must have missed the posts in question and apologize because I would have most likely come up along side in defense, hating bullies and trolls in general. Hopefully the crud will blow over and you can move past it, otherwise the hater wins. The way some get dizzy with power in an anonymous forum is one of the biggest drawbacks of the net.

You're still loved by THIS fellow ENFP, by the way. I hope to continue to see your quirky posts.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Thanks @Zster... you probably didn't reply to the comment because it wasn't that bad... unless she saw this thread and went back and edited her original post, but I doubt it. I was probably just feeling a bit vunerable, so any criticism (good or bad) probably stung more than is should have. Don't worry about it, I just clearly overreacting.


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## Dreamer (Feb 5, 2010)

I get people they seem to attack me for no reason at all. I try not to take it not too personally, most of the time they are like this to other people too. If I have offended them unintentionally, they chose not to talk to me maturely about it and choose to ignore me or try to be rude instead. I honestly hate trolling and their trolling buddies. They used to really get to me when I was younger and I was not familiar with the 'online world', I know this is just how they act now. Some of the trolls changed and grew up, some stayed the same and some just never came back to the forums.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

MODs, could you please lock this thread. I don't think theres anything left to be said, and the issue has been resolved. Thank you.


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