# ISTJ's don't really do the whole "friends with benefits" thing, do they?



## C3P0meetsData (Mar 3, 2013)

So, I'm an ENTP. Very much so. My percentages on every "letter" (I guess) are very high, and whenever I read the profiles of that personality type, I fit perfectly with every word. The reason why I know this is because I took this psychology class, and conveniently enough, I was paired next to this guy who caught my eye because he was gorgeous but caught my _attention_ because he was so quiet and mysterious. Most of my friends are extroverts like myself, so I had never met anyone like him. And I found out shortly thereafter that he is an ISTJ.

I’m sure he knows I like him, because initially, I flirted with him a lot, but I noticed that the more I did that, the less open he was with me. So, I took a different approach. Every day after class, he would invite me to the same exact restaurant in the Student Union, where we would sit in the same exact spot, and he would get the same exact thing. I couldn't tell if he wanted to be around me after class because he liked me or because I became part of his routine, but I'm the only person in the entire class he speaks to. 

Even though it took a REALLY long time, I eventually got to know him a little better. We're basically friends now. First and foremost, I want to be his friend. And if I get totally friend-zoned by this guy, that's fine, because he seems interesting enough. But I kinda want to stick with my initial plan. I want to hook up with him, but I have no idea how to go about doing that with his personality type. All of my former f***-buddies are equally extroverted and intuitive, so I know how to flirt with those types of people, because they always flirt back, but I feel like I would need a different approach with him. In fact, I'm not sure if he would even be open for a relationship of that nature. 

Even the professor describes him as a perfectionist. He follows every single rule. Ever. One time I was going to cross the street with him, and he made me walk all the way around the quad in the SNOW just so we wouldn't j-walk. Whenever I tell him about things that I've done, the first question he asks is "were you allowed to do that?" He doesn't drink at parties because it's "illegal" (I'm 19, he's 20), he's never been written up in his dorm, etc. But there's no _rule_ that says he can't sleep with me. He's not religious or anything. So, is there any chance of expressing to this guy that I’m dtf without messing up his “structured-little-world” or compromising our friendship? Or is that just a big no-no with ISTJ's?

(And no slut-shaming please. I’m safe and smart about it, and what I choose to do with my lifestyle is my choice, not yours.)


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## stone100674 (Jun 22, 2012)

It varies from person to person. Here is a link to a thread on the subject in ISTJland: http://personalitycafe.com/istj-for...ion-casual-relationship-friends-benefits.html 

Type aside, the person you are describing does not sound like FWB would be something that he would enjoy: most likely he would try to define the relationship as exclusive.


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## MBTIPC (Jan 31, 2013)

C3P0meetsData said:


> Every day after class, he would invite me to the same exact restaurant in the Student Union, where we would sit in the same exact spot, and he would get the same exact thing. I couldn't tell if he wanted to be around me after class because he liked me or because I became part of his routine, but I'm the only person in the entire class he speaks to.


So funny, but so familiar in regards to 2 people... Man. Should read more threads, had a second good laugh in the past 10 minutes. No offense again.

And yea, I think it's more of an Enneagram thing, but most ISTJs, as far as my knowledge goes, do not want casual relationship. If they invest in something, their intentions are serious - kids, wife, home, same thing every day for 50 years. And judging by what I've read, he's of this kind, not the more free type of an ISTJ.


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