# Strangely Sexual 10 Year Old...



## Danse Macabre (Oct 30, 2009)

Well...

I babysit the neighbors kids, and have been for almost two years. They have a 5 year old girl, who is beautiful, a 10 year old boy, and a 12 year old boy. Usually I spend most of my time playing fairies with the little girl, but last time I went to their house, she was at a friends sleepover so it was just me and the boys. They kept to themselves mostly, so I sat upstairs and watched a movie.

Then, the younger boy (I'll call him Dennis!) came up and started throwing soft toys at me. I started throwing them back, because Dennis and I often have silly little "wars". However, he started to act a little strange. First, he started swearing. He basically said all of the swear words I know, including "cunt". He also told me to suck his dick, and referred to my vagina with some strange terms. He also insulted me in general several times. At this point I was going "WTF!?" and told him that he was being very immature and that saying disgusting things did not make him cool or manly. He then stuck the toys down his pants, talked some more about his dick and then went down stairs. 

Later on, he went into the kitchen and rubbed the toys against his penis for a while, and snuck up behind me (I had no idea what was going on), and pressed the toys against my (Half open! gross!) mouth. 

I didn't tell the parents, who are ULTRA conservative. I don't feel like it's the kind of thing I can say to my neighbors. It made me remember one time when I was in first grade in elementary school, and a boy in my class cornered me in my room and forcefully kissed me to "See what it was like". Neither incident was the kind of thing that haunts me, but they were both disgusting and shameful and they just made me think:

How old does a child have to be for that kind of behavior to be considered completely wrong? Is it always wrong, no matter how old they are? Is it a terribly big deal? Why is a ten year old being so vulgar and downright disgusting, and if that's what he's like now, what the hell is he going to be like in 5 years? .......Should I tell his parents? ... for his own sake? =/ 

I'm babysitting them again tomorrow, and again in a couple of weeks and to be honest, I really don't want to. I am a little freaked out... and although the kid is young I am now quite sickened and embarrassed by him! 

So uh, yeah. Any opinions and/or advice on this would be greatly appreciated :mellow:


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

There is a chance he is being sexually molested.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Wow... that's kind of a tough call.

It could be a lot of things... and I think 10 is kind of a between age with knowing what's wrong and what isn't... though he should be at least starting to know.

All I can really say is wow... but if you are sitting again tomorrow, just going by the information you gave me, I'd pretend it never happened and see how he acts the next time, before making any rash decisions.

But yeah, that's definitely cause for concern, I would say tell the parents but I don't know them... but I don't think 10 year olds suddenly just act that way for no reason, he has a bad influence somewhere, which could even be molestation. It could even be something filtering down from his brother too (seems possible since it happened when the sister was away)

Anyway... just from the severity alone, I don't think he _fully_ realizes what he is doing, so it definitely should be handled with care.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

he's ten, he's a boy. Times are changing and morals are not what they used to be. How can anyone be shocked by this when you have 10 year old girls dressing like tramps. You are a horrible person if you jump to conclusions and call social services in on this. I don't care what may be happening you don't ruin a families life based on a hunch. Try talking to the kid first, ask him why he is acting that way. Try to have a real conversation with him and talk to him as an adult, not a child. You treat him like a child and he will disregard you before you even learn a thing.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

I would sit down and talk with him and ask him why he's acting that way. Tell him that it's not cool the way he's acting and try to get him to change for the better.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

wow. I have three boys, one being 10. If I found out any of them was doing that...

You need to talk to the parents as soon as possible. This is not an issue YOU should be discussing with the boy. It isn't your place to do so. If the parents shrug it off then tell your parents and ask what should be done. No parent in their right mind wouldn't want to know their son was doing and saying things like that. Boys mature and learn about sex but that is not the way normal kids should be expressing it.


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

You must tell the parents. Don't think for a second because they are 'conservative' they won't be able to handle this. This is their child. It sounds as if he has been exposed to pornagraphy or been sexually molested. If you don't say something, it may continue; you are protecting no one. 

They can deal with it as they choose. They may be very upset. Be prepared for that and be prepared to give specific details about what happened, even if embarassed. They may deny it at first, saying it can't be, but that shouldn't stop you. Please tell. If it helps you, have one of your parents with you when you tell them.

Please let us know how it goes when you do. This is not normal behavior. Your guts are telling you this is disturbed and it is disturbing. He may sexually abuse his younger siblings at some point.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Damn, and i thought I was a sexual 10 year old. You need to first see how he actys nexttime you see him, then act accordingly. If he is sorry, then don't push it any further, but if he does it again, then threaten him that you will inform his parents in explicit detail. If he does it again, then sit down and talk with him about the true nature of what he is really saying and try to get some answers out of him, and persuade him not to repeat it, and tell him that if he does it again that you will tell his parents and that you'll never babysit him again.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

One must understand that not all parents are good at their role. Telling them of this could cause more problems.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

what if he just has a crush on her and is acting out the way he has seen other boys in his school or what he has seen on tv. Simply talking to the boy could get to the root of the problem quickly, and you may realize that he is only behaving that way because he sees it as the way to get your attention. His parents wouldn't be a bad route to go, but I see no harm being caused by you speaking to him first. If it is his parents that are molesting him telling them will accomplish nothing, they'll likely cut you out of the baby sitting and take out all their anger on the boy, and then you would have no clue what was going on. I think speaking to the boy first could get you the truth as to why it is happening. You may inadvertently make the situation worse by going to the parents. If after speaking to the boy you think it is an influence by other classmates or by television than I would recommend speaking to the parents, if you think it's the parents at fault you may want to consider notifying the authorities.

edit*



TurranMC said:


> One must understand that not all parents are good at their role. Telling them of this could cause more problems.


yes, don't make the assumption that they are caring parents. Talking to the boy first is harmless


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

I don't think any of you are even parents. You really aren't qualified to give that kind of advice. If he is doing and saying half of what she says then talking to him isn't the answer. I also said if talking to the parents gets her no where then she needs to bring it to the attention of her parents.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

true, I am not qualified as I am not a parent. I just don't see harm being done by speaking to the child first, it may even allow her to see if it is the parents who are responsible. I am not saying avoid speaking to the parents, just to talk to the child first is all. authorities only as a last resort

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Richard Mongler said:


> Try fucking him.


maybe not the most appropriate comment considering the context of the situation...


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

If you ask him how he learned those words, he may tell you or he may not; regardless of whether he is influenced by classmates or tv, or his big brother, his parents should know he is talking fouler than anything he is likely to see on normal TV. His behavior is so disturbing, it has made you not want to go back to their house! 

As a parent I can tell you, this warrants their attention. I'm not sure what it would mean to make the situation worse. Upsetting the parents? Him getting into trouble? The school will probably be calling them next if this behavior continues. If you don't say anything and they ask you if you ever noticed him acting out, the question becomes, "Why didn't you tell us?" and they will wonder if you are trustworthy as a babysitter. 

I suggest you tell your parents first, and then tell his. If they fire you for telling, (unlikely) at least your parents will understand what you tried to do to help. Even if all parents do not parent well, they should know. That is not normal behavior. 

Early sexual behavior is a huge red flag that he may be sexually abused. It could be an older friend or relative or someone showing him pornography. NO ten yr old should have those images or words in his head or be acting sexually. And if he is being abused, his siblings may be at risk for abuse by him or the person who is abusing him.


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## Therapist (Nov 16, 2009)

RighteousRob said:


> maybe not the most appropriate comment considering the context of the situation...


I'm no parent or doctor either, but I think it would work.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Richard Mongler said:


> I'm no parent or doctor either, but I think it would work.


How? She would get in trouble for having sex with a child and it wouldn't help him in any way (and don't reply with that immature "but he would love getting laid by an older woman" crap, please).

I'm really hoping that this kid has just picked it up from the television or the Internet, because there's already enough kids out there being sexually abused. What drives people to hurt children like that? Sex should be unknown to children until they are at least 13 in my opinion, and if a child is having sex/knows what sex is before then or even doing stuff like the 10 year old boy in the OP, then something is seriously messed up.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

what if it's his parents molesting him? What are you going to accomplish by telling them how he is acting? Do you think they are going to come clean and say, "oh yes, that is our fault, we never should have abused him"

Or are they more likely to hide it, pretend to discipline the boy, say that they are not going to subject you to it any more, and than continue to abuse the boy now that no one else can interfere? 

How does talking to the boy to find out the root cause of the problem hurt anything? Can someone tell me why no one wants to tackle the problem head on and leave it up to people you don't even know to take care of?


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Lilsnowy said:


> I'm not sure what it would mean to make the situation worse. [...]
> 
> Early sexual behavior is a huge red flag that he may be sexually abused. It could be an older friend or relative or someone showing him pornography.


Or a parent...

We aren't all parents but all of us were children and some of us know that parents can be very good at keeping secrets when they want to, even ones that appear 'conservative'....

Just saying.


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## screamofconscious (Oct 15, 2009)

DanseMacabre said:


> Well...
> 
> I babysit the neighbors kids, and have been for almost two years. They have a 5 year old girl, who is beautiful, a 10 year old boy, and a 12 year old boy. Usually I spend most of my time playing fairies with the little girl, but last time I went to their house, she was at a friends sleepover so it was just me and the boys. They kept to themselves mostly, so I sat upstairs and watched a movie.
> 
> ...



It's possible he's made some terrible friends in school who have been teaching him this kind of behavior. However, it's also possible the kid is being molested. I'd tell the parents ASAP exactly what happened. Regardless of what's going on in the kids life, he needs help. If you don't do something, it's as good as condoning the behavior.


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

Talking to the boy could help, but a 17 year old is not qualitifed to determine how to help him, discipline him or anthing else. No offense. Unless you can read the parents' minds or have evidence that they are the ones abusing their child, they need to be told. And if you do have proof that they are sexually abusing him, by law as a caregiver, I think you are required to report it to the police. So either way, you should act.


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## Nearsification (Jan 3, 2010)

Tell his parents. They need to handle this your not his parent your a guardian for a short time. Tell them.


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## mutton (Jan 21, 2010)

I've worked with children quite a bit over the years. This is not normal behavior for a 10 year old. A child suddenly acting out this way at his age is a huge red flag that something is wrong. The only kids I worked with who acted this way had- verifiably- been abused. 

If you are younger, then this shouldn't be on your shoulders. Talk to a parent or other trusted adult who can take responsibility in talking to the boy's parents. If you are older, you do need to talk to them about it yourself. If you notice anything suspicious about their behavior, or that his behavior gets worse and they seem to be taking no steps in helping, then you need to contact a higher authority.


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

Kids these days... I too hope he gets this from TV or the internet or something because if it's as others have said about him possibly being abused it would be pretty sad... There's no good excuse for abusing children; it's cruel, emotionally scarring and far too many kids have been put through that crap. It makes me sick tbh.

I think I'm going to side with Bob about this, you might want to try talking to the boy first and maybe the 12 year old second to see if he knows anything. If this doesn't work go to his parents or if he has confessed to being abused you should talk to your parents.


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## Latte (Nov 24, 2009)

I have seen no real argument against confronting him first.

Also, the fact that you are 17 does in no way disqualify you from making assessments of what can be likely or not on your own.

Your primary objective should be to take the course of action that leaves the highest possibility of leading to this boy resolving his issues.
When this is your primary objective, you must take the course of action that does not exclude the possibility of a reality in which one or both parents are to blame. You should talk to him first. If he reveals anything, you will know what to do. Who to notify. Be it parents or social services. If he does not, re-evaluate whether to tell the parents based on how he reacted to your inquiry.

You do not want to tell the parents first, leaving yourself vulnerable to a situation where you spend the rest of your life wondering if you made a horrible mistake.


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> wow. I have three boys, one being 10. If I found out any of them was doing that...
> 
> You need to talk to the parents as soon as possible. This is not an issue YOU should be discussing with the boy. It isn't your place to do so. If the parents shrug it off then tell your parents and ask what should be done. No parent in their right mind wouldn't want to know their son was doing and saying things like that. Boys mature and learn about sex but that is not the way normal kids should be expressing it.


 
Yep. Tell the parents.

When I was a kid, I remember wanting to play doctor and all that weird stuff. I was just curious, I guess.

But, I never used that kind of language.


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## Sunrain (Dec 9, 2009)

I don't know, I mean, if something like that happened just the once who knows where he got it from - you haven't said how he's been acting up until that one incident. It's possible he saw something weird on TV and was trying to deal with it/rationalize it? I don't have the right or wrong answer but if it were me personally I'd spend a bit of time deciding what to do depending on how he continues to act. "Telling the parents" sounds like a great idea in theory, but none of you on here know the parents and different parents can be very helpful or very detrimental depending on who they are. I mean, just in theory, how about if the parents were abusing him? Surely in that case confronting them would be the worst possible thing! That's why I'd wait a short while longer and see if and how the situation develops, so that you have something more concrete to go on than one incident. Thinking back to when I was 10 a lot of boys I knew were trying to come to terms with what "sexuality" was and used to tell a whole lot of really disgusting jokes as a way of trying to understand the whole concept.Some boys I knew said similar things to me as a joke and it meant nothing. It could mean a lot, it could also mean nothing. Nobody on this forum can know that, so what I would do if I were you is take a bit of time to consult your gut feeling and assess what kind of situation you think you're actually in here, and then make a decision accordingly so that you're most definitely helping the child if necessary but not jumping to conclusions too fast. Just imagine, if it's just one incident and then it blows out of all proportion, how awful it could be for the child. And equally how detrimental it would be to keep quiet if it is actually something serious. That's why you should consult your gut feeling over a little bit of time, and not take advice from people on an internet forum who aren't there to see for themselves.


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

Latte said:


> I have seen no real argument against confronting him first.
> 
> Also, the fact that you are 17 does in no way disqualify you from making assessments of what can be likely or not on your own... You do not want to tell the parents first, leaving yourself vulnerable to a situation where you spend the rest of your life wondering if you made a horrible mistake.


Being seventeen and not his parent does disqualify you making assessments. You can confront him when he does something disturbing; you should, but you do not have the experience or maturity to make an assessment as to the cause. If it never happens again, you should note the other kids to see if anything seems' off.' But his _behavior_ _alone_ needs to be adressed with the parents, regardless. If after talking to them, you feel they do not take you seriously, you can go to someone else, or quit babysitting for their family. 

Most likely they will welcome the truth, even if it's difficult to deal with. And as far spending the rest of your life wondering if you have made a horrible mistake: You won't. You will always know you did the right thing bringing this to their attention, regardless. That makes you a safe, caring person, not foolish.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

your ignoring the fact that it may be the boys parents who are responsible for his behavior. In which case telling them accomplishes nothing.

All I need is one good reason why the boy shouldn't be spoken to first, no one can provide one. I hear parents basing their assumptions on the fact that most parents will be like themselves, but you can not know this, don't assume things you can't be sure of. Most psychopaths were somebodies neighbors, and when the neighbors found out they were as shocked as anyone else. The heart of the problem is with the boy, talking to the boy is the most effective way of figuring out what is going on. After that then talk to the parents, but going to the parents first may cut you off from the boy and you may never know the truth.


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

Righteous Rob, I can see your point, but what we're suggesting is, the parents need to be told if their kids are acting in a disturbed way or at the minimum, using very sexually charged lauguage that is innapropiate. For any babysitter, telling the parents about a behaviour problem is the right thing to do.

Dance macabre, of course you can talk to the boy first, but the acting out, even if just that one time, needs to be brought to the parents attention, regardless. As Mutton said, it is not normal behavior. To keep it from the parents would be irresponsible. 

And Righteous Rob, it could be the parents abusing him, but if it is, _other_ authorities need to become involved. 

DM, I don't think I could suggest anything else to you. I hope you'll let us know how it's going.


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## truevitality (Jan 18, 2010)

DanseMacabre said:


> Well...
> 
> I babysit the neighbors kids, and have been for almost two years. They have a 5 year old girl, who is beautiful, a 10 year old boy, and a 12 year old boy. Usually I spend most of my time playing fairies with the little girl, but last time I went to their house, she was at a friends sleepover so it was just me and the boys. They kept to themselves mostly, so I sat upstairs and watched a movie.
> 
> ...


Talk to him and then his parents about his behavior. There's a chance that he's looking at porn or learning stuff at school. He's ten. Yes, kids are human; thus, they're sexual beings and there's really no set age for a kid. I know I started saying(and doing) some crazy stuff at about age 4. My friend started about about his age and another just a year ago. But it would be wise to talk to his parents about his behavior. They have a right to know about their son.


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## Danse Macabre (Oct 30, 2009)

Ok. 
Well, I'm going to babysit him and his siblings tonight. If he so much as starts anything dodgy, then I'll ask him where he learnt it and let it go from there. I don't think he likes or trusts me, so I doubt he will say much, but I'll try. Depending on what happens, I'll come home and talk to my parents about it again. They have said that they think it's probably more their place to talk to his parents than it is mine. So either I, or my parents will let them know.

These babysitting jobs I'm doing are the last I'm doing anyway, so whatever happens I probably won't be babysitting him again after next week.


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## mutton (Jan 21, 2010)

> I have seen no real argument against confronting him first.


She is a 17 year old who is the object of a child's acting out. Being that he is directing it toward her is alone cause for not being the one to confront him, as he probably wouldn't be treating her this way if he respected her. When you deal with a child who is acting out aggressively (and, yes, this is considered aggressive behavior), you need a certain level of respect to get answers from them.

Had the aggression be targeted toward a person other than herself, or if she had experience in child psychology, then it would be reasonable for her to try to question the child first. That is not the case in this situation, so a third party needs to step in.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Good luck DM


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

I disagree, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the troubles of a 10 year old boy all it takes is someone compassionate and willing to listen, and maybe his actions were a plea for her to help him. No harm can come from her treating him as an adult and trying to talk to him. If that fails then yes get someone else involved. People are always so quick to get others to meddle in problems that are not their own. I still see no harm coming out of speaking to the child. He's ten, try treating him with respect and maybe he'll do the same.


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## Kitagawa Megumi (Jan 13, 2010)

^I'm with RighteousRob on that she should talk it out with the kid. There is really no harm in questioning him FIRST..what he's gonna try pouncing on her the next time? Please, she's 17 and I reckon that she'd be able to fend herself if a little brat tried to do so. There's always the lighter if he's a chubby bunny, no.. morbidly obese bunny. :wink:




> I started throwing them back, because Dennis and I often have silly little "wars". However, he started to act a little strange.


 Clearly if the kid was downright obnoxious the OP and "Dennis" wouldn't have silly little wars, then again there's the possibility of a little devil in the kid that's just been unraveled. 

Yeah sure, kids these days are creepy, there's the ten year old skanks and thirteen year olds getting preggers and all, but so what? This does'nt mean every kid's a dumb creep now if they happen to show "inapproriate" behaviour. I think everything vile starts out as something first, and kids are gullible and ignorant, that leads to the possible loss of their innocence..

He might have been sexually abused by his parents like RighteousRob has said. I think telling his folks straight might or might not be a good thing. If he got exposed to those stuffs from a kid at school etc, then yeah tell the parents. 
If it's the parents... then yeah call the authorities.

I reckon that since the parents are so conservative, they would certainly disapprove of his behaiviour, but maybe they might even go to the extremes or literally locking him up at home except for school for the next 5 years perhaps. Which in this case his parents might beat the shit out of him INSTEAD of explaining reasonably about his behaiviour. And It might just scar him for life, and when he's fifteen he's gonna go like, "Oh yes, thanks to one incident back when I was ten, now I'm locked up at home, have no social life, find anything to do with sex REPULSIVE. And most of all, I should never trust anyone again!" - potential dude with issues.
Maybe he learnt it from his 12 year old brother or his brother's friends or the people in school... 

I think IF the OP is comfortable enough to talk to the boy about his behavior and teaching him what his little act was really about, by all means go talk to the boy first.

However of course if it's really serious like he was abused in school, the parents must know.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Lilsnowy said:


> And Righteous Rob, it could be the parents abusing him, but if it is, _other_ authorities need to become involved.


My main concern, and sorry to interject in something not directed at me, is that an inquiry will send a red flag to them that they are under scrutiny, if they are abusers. They may clean up their act until it blows over.

This does happen.

And also, in my experience, one reason you don't take it directly to a 10 year old is at that age they don't completely understand communication yet. It's possible to do but I don't recommend a 'causal outsider' to attempt it...

For example, with younger children, when you ask a question they tend to consider _why_ you are asking a question before they consider what the question is asking... and they may give a different answer depending on what they think your reason for asking is.

They also tend to put intent into statements without regard to what the statement actually says, or they can be overly literal as well.

So it's best IMO to not involve with the child unless you plan to see it through the whole way and guide them in finding out what is actually going on, which is a process and not always something that is solved by single questions.


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## Sunrain (Dec 9, 2009)

I don't know the right or wrong answer but if it were me I'd wait and see how he acted the next time I was babysitting, at which time I'd try and talk to him, not like an interogation in any way but more as a respectfully asked question as to where he got that kind of thing from. I'd make it clear that I'm a calm trustworthy adult whom he can say anything to if he chooses to. Depending on how he continued to act and what kind of a feeling I was getting from the whole thing, and/or possibly what he said to me, I'd consider telling an adult and would think carefully about which adult to tell. I'd probably consult my own parents, and then, if I didn't suspsect the kids parents in any way I'd tell the kids parents and/or possibly school depending what I thought was going on. I do completely agree with treating the 10-year-old as an adult in terms of respect and initial confrontation, because a 10 year old deserves just the same respect an adult would deserve, if not more. You can't disregard what a child might say to you given a chance, and go straight to the "authorities". It isn't fair on the child. I know that when I was 10 I had a very good sense of who I was, and respected every adult who treated me with respect. On the contrary I despised every adult who saw me as "just an insignificant child" and jumped to conclusions about what was going on in my head without even asking me. There's nothing worse. Just because a child is 10 and you're 17 doesn't mean you can't have some kind of initial brief conversation about this topic to assess what might be going on. Anyway, I therefore agree with the conclusion you wrote above: to see how he continues to act tonight and then ask him where he got it from, and depending on what kind of a feeling you're getting talk to your parents again.


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## mutton (Jan 21, 2010)

> ^I'm with RighteousRob on that she should talk it out with the kid. There is really no harm in questioning him FIRST..what he's gonna try pouncing on her the next time? Please, she's 17 and I reckon that she'd be able to fend herself if a little brat tried to do so. There's always the lighter if he's a chubby bunny, no.. morbidly obese bunny. :wink:


 I don't think anybody suggested that he would be able to do anything to her. It is just very unlikely that he is going to open up to her if he does have a "dark secret" when she is the object of his aggression.

Okay: so let's treat him like an adult: if he were an adult and treating her this way would anyone suggest she try to sit him down and talk it out? I doubt it. Let's also keep in mind: children do no reason or think the same way adults do. Their brains aren't even fully formed yet. Treating them the same way will only get you so far. Saying a child will act or think like an adult just because you treat them like one gives little respect to what they actually are. 

Who knows, maybe she'll get on today and let us know it was all something completely innocent and he told her about some dirty show he snuck when his parents weren't looking. I'm just saying that if it is something more serious, it is highly unlikely he'll be telling her about it.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

children can often be more reasonable than many of the adults I've met. If I were to place myself into the shoes of a 10 year old boy, which I was at one point. I know I would rather speak to the person who's attention I had been trying to get in the first place. If that person went and "narc'ed" me out, I would be more devastated and even less likely to open up to authorities or others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think being able to see better from a child's perspective as my views have not been tainted by having my own children, that I can see what they boy may be hoping for.

It is more extreme, but boys often behave crudely to those they want to speak with them. This is the natural way of things. Children act out the most when they want the most attention from a particular individual. This is not the rule, just the average of percentages.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

RighteousRob said:


> children can often be more reasonable than many of the adults I've met. If I were to place myself into the shoes of a 10 year old boy, which I was at one point. I know I would rather speak to the person who's attention I had been trying to get in the first place. If that person went and "narc'ed" me out, I would be more devastated and even less likely to open up to authorities or others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think being able to see better from a child's perspective as my views have not been tainted by having my own children, that I can see what they boy may be hoping for.
> 
> It is more extreme, but boys often behave crudely to those they want to speak with them. This is the natural way of things. Children act out the most when they want the most attention from a particular individual. This is not the rule, just the average of percentages.


Tainted? You've stepped over the line now. Did something happen to you when you were 10 that is causing you to be against adults doing their job? So as soon as the babysitter lets parents know their son is acting up she is a "narc"?


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

I did not mean tainted in a negative sense, I meant it the same way as if I had used the word influenced. I had meant no offense by that and I'm sorry if my poor choice of words implied otherwise. I believe becoming a parent changes ones perspective. You have a strong love for your child/children, that is not going to mean all parents are the same way. You believe that telling the parents will result in what's best for the boy, there is no way to know this is true. What I can say is that you are not going to cause harm by talking to the boy yourself before talking to the parents. 

I only use the term narc, because no one, even when something is done out of love, ever sees that at the time it happens. People who don't know how to handle a situation often desire to pass on the responsibility, because they don't want to deal with it. The problem is you don't know who your passing that responsibility to. I've known parents to turn their children into the police because they refused to try to talk to their child themselves. I do not see this helping the child because it only reinforces the feeling of abandonment. Most people who act out do not become better because of discipline, they do because of compassion and understanding. Jails are full of repeat offenders, because punishment is not the most effective tool we have. Only now are the systems begging to realize this with non-violent offenders and are trying harder to get them help before condemning them and locking them away.

You may think this issue is nothing like my previous example, but to another human being, being betrayed is a horrible feeling regardless of age, or whether it was done because the person cared about them.


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