# Extroverts or more social introverts help me out



## Calvaire (Nov 14, 2009)

How is it most of you have no problem talking to strangers?
Any advice on how I can I dont know try and open up more?
It's so strange to me,it's hard for me to be myself I feel like I'm seen as someone
stuck up or just awkward/odd which well I am,I just want some encouraging words on
how to open up and be my warm self instead of coing off so cold.


----------



## KrystRay (Jun 16, 2010)

If you have independent thoughts of your own, I'm sure you can find something interesting to say to a stranger. Depends on who you want to meet and what your goals are out of talking to them. It sounds like you're just trying to be social, so let's try basic conversation with a complete stranger. 

Walk up to them and make a comment about something relevant. If it's a girl, say something like, "I love your earrings! Where did you get them?" Or if someone is reading a magazine and you're up to date on your current events, tell them something about what they're reading- "Did you know that Lindsay Lohan is not actually a coke head and that it was the Aderal that made her act so bizzarly?" Those types of things work well on girls. 

Let's try boys now.
Before you go out, make sure you look presentable and smell nice. Boys like girls who smell nice. Now go out to a place that would have guys that you would like to meet. Locate someone you want to talk to and make eye contact and smile. You can even wave or wink if you feel frisky. Talk about Fantasy Football or ask them how it works. Guys like feeling needed/like they're helping. Lots of compliments like, "That is so interesting! Where did you learn all that?" and such. 


Find common ground with others and it will be a lot easier. Keep up on current events, read the news, join a book club (I don't know what you INFP's do on your off time), take a class... 

I am often told that people think I'm a stuck up bitch/elitist, so my method of not coming across so cold is to find that common ground and to smile at people more.


----------



## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

I'm not really sure how to help you, exactly. I'm pretty awkward with people myself. Though, I'm not sure it's for the same reasons...
I think that the best way to start would be to figure out why exactly you have a problem with it. For instance, if you don't want people to judge you negatively, you could change your way of thinking and tell yourself that that doesn't really matter anyway. But that's just an example...You should just look inside yourself and find out why you have that problem, and then try to find a way to get around that or fix that problem.


----------



## Third Engine (Dec 28, 2009)

Well, one solution if to just talk to strangers more about whatever you can think of, but I think it goes deeper than that. When you want to talk to somebody or strike up a conversation, don't think to yourself "Oh, this conversation is doomed to fail because I'm really shy" or something like that, but have a positive attitude about it. Think "I am going to succeed in this conversation" or "things are better than I think they are" and go with that. Sure, you're still gonna fall flat on your face sometimes, but if you have a better attitude about, you will succeed in having a good conversation more than you fail.


----------



## Calvaire (Nov 14, 2009)

Well I need more help on knowing how to open up to my roomate or IDK talk to her..I feel like I come off so boring and everytime I maybe want to have a conversation something inside me stifiles it.I think it's more because shes REALLY imtimidating to me she's just different in every possible way than I am she's very outgoing she loves to party she wears a fuckload of makeup I mean I just feel like I have NOTHING in common at all with her,so I just dont really talk and it's really awkward with my roomate before we were able to talk and have a good time because we had at least I dont know some things in common......I mean I just dont want to live with this awkwardnees the whole year it'll really suck.


----------



## KrystRay (Jun 16, 2010)

lol. It doesn't sound like you respect her too much... I wouldn't really respect my polar opposite either though. See what kind of person she is and see if you even want to open up to her. Invite her to go grocery shopping or something and talk about food. Everyone loves food. Or let her do your makeup and dress you up and go out with her friends. She would probably love that!


----------



## Nostalgic (Jul 20, 2010)

Calvaire said:


> How is it most of you have no problem talking to strangers?
> Any advice on how I can I dont know try and open up more?
> It's so strange to me,it's hard for me to be myself I feel like I'm seen as someone
> stuck up or just awkward/odd which well I am,I just want some encouraging words on
> how to open up and be my warm self instead of coing off so cold.


I've actually had that a lot growing up. People would think I'm stuck up, but in reality I'm more comfortable when others approach me first and break the ice, rather than me striking up the conversation. So I guess you really have to break out of your comfort zone and initiate a conversation. It helps to ask people about themselves and show interest in them. Then they should return the interest. If they aren't interested, it's their problem because you have a lot to offer :happy:


----------



## Calvaire (Nov 14, 2009)

SO I actually hung out and talked with strangers today,I'm not sure If I gave off that good of an impression but it was a HUGE step for me even if they'll never know it. I get nervous and laugh a lot and become really loud in an odd way sometimes I guess IDK the one girl did say I LIKE YOU,YOU'RE FUNNY! which made me feel really good,even though well I dont know how I'm funny lol But yeah all in all it was an alright expierence and I like the one girl alot even though she's crazy and the one guy too he seems not like a douche which you know is hard to come by haahaha

Idk maye I'll be able to open up and be charming after all.


----------



## Jojo (Jul 5, 2010)

*How is it most of you have no problem talking to strangers?* I don't think about them being strangers rather new opportunities for new stories
*Any advice on how I can I dont know try and open up more?* Relax.... Don't think about it. Random acts of kindness
*It's so strange to me,it's hard for me to be myself I feel like I'm seen as someone
stuck up or just awkward/odd which well I am,I just want some encouraging words on
how to open up and be my warm self instead of coing off so cold.* Look for the simple things in life


----------



## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Another thing to try: Ask someone's opinion on something like a movie or some local event. There aren't that many people who will respond like assholes to a question like that. And even if they are painfully shy and not conversational themselves, the first question opens up others. 

"What do you think of Inception? You seen that yet?"
"Uhh . . . No."
"Seen anything else recently? I really want to just go see a movie today."
"I don't watch movies. I'm Amish."
"Oh wow, that's interesting. I didn't notice your beard. Any good barnraisings this weekend?"

That sort of thing


----------



## Dionysus (Jun 8, 2010)

*How is it most of you have no problem talking to strangers? * Don't place value in the outcome. People who are great socially are not outcome dependent on a social interaction (will it go well? will they like me? am i being funny enough?) 

*Any advice on how I can I dont know try and open up more?* If you're an introvert, no need to force being an extrovert. Find things you relate to in others. I am always finding new ways to relate to people. Also, depending on how well you want to be perceived, you can use some nice gestures in the beginning stages (offering something, buying the coffee). incorporate others into your daily routine. you will need to probably change your lifestyle a bit. if you do what you've always done, you get what you always got kind of thing.


*It's so strange to me,it's hard for me to be myself I feel like I'm seen as someone
stuck up or just awkward/odd which well I am,I just want some encouraging words on
how to open up and be my warm self instead of coing off so cold.
*
the key i think here is to actually like people. if i was at square one, I would start by looking for people with similar interests. it is also important to find friends who you would like to emulate in some fashion. maybe they are better socially. if you can befriend this person, these behaviors will rub off on you if you are paying attention. its human nature.


----------



## Darner (Apr 20, 2010)

First, congratulations on succeeding with your first try! Practice makes perfect!
But anyway - I read somewhere that we I's tend to "act" in social interactions. So if you feel that you're getting blocked in your interaction, you just do this - act. Try to imagine you're somebody else or that the person or the situation are something else. Imagine yourself bursting of energy and wanting to talk to everybody. Sometimes even others will approach you because they will feel you want to talk. 
I, for example, am actually pretty good in talking to strangers. I can easily bump in a circle of 15 people chatting and scream "Hi, everybody!", but I'm absolutely horrible in small talk (once I was sitting with a guy in a bar, while his girlfriend was in the toilet for 20 minutes and the whole 20 minutes we didn't say a word). If you're like this, you should try to find people who will start to talk deeper stuff very soon, like in reading classes or different groups.


----------



## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

I just finished my first week of college about 3-4 hours away from home. A lot of the people who've graduated in this city go to this college so a lot of them know each other already, which makes it a little harder for me to meet people because I get a little intimidated about that (besides the fact that I'm already a very shy guy). Despite being shy, I can be a little social and talk to people but it's easier for me if it's a one-on-one kind of thing or in classroom settings. So last Friday, after keeping quiet to myself for the last couple of days I decided that I'd try and talk/get to know people. Also, I read a story on Reddit about a guy who was way more antisocial than I was and I got a lot of helpful tips from there but I digress. While I was sitting down in Music Appreciation waiting for class to start, a very cute girl came in the class of about 100 people and decided to sit down next to me. This was one of the chances I've been waiting for, I knew that if she had friends in class she wouldn't have sat next to me so after what felt like forever I finally mustered up enough courage to start some small talk. Specifically, I commented on the music book she had with her (the thing was freaking +$100 :dry. A few comments here and there later and I got her name by the end of class; hoping to get to sit with her tomorrow and maybe become friends with her if not more later. I know this story may not be much compared to others but it would just a very proud moment for me. I've always been the quiet one to just sit there and let others come to me, so this was a good step forward for me. roud:
My advice is just to maybe initiate small talk. Comment on something they may be doing or just simply smile and say "Hi." Best scenario you start talking with the person and become friends or whatnot and if things don't go well, then at least you'll have had tried and it's not like they'll remember you later anyways.


----------

