# Be honest - How terrible do you act when you're upset?



## ConspiracyTheory (Apr 13, 2014)

Being so angry that you cross the line and lose control of yourself, becoming the puppet of the unconscious, makes you act in ways you never would consciously decide to act.

Let's see what similarities each type has in actions, so we can see which of the 8 cognitive functions might be the one to grab us.

This requires a lot of honest and bravery because we are admitting to ways of acting that we are embarrassed by. But they are human and they are the wild nature of the unconscious, so we have no reason to be embarrassed by them. 



I'll start. I'm INTP.

There are 2 modes of anger in me. When my intentions are being called lies. Like if I would never cheat on someone, but I'm being accused of it and the argument is getting heated and not ending, I get so angry that I get violent towards the other person and mock them for being stupid and illogical. 


If I'm just getting angry because I feel overwhelmed and nobody is helping me, I become Te. I bark orders at people and mock them for being lazy, and I explain the social value in why they need to do something, which is out of character for me.




I know an ESTJ who you know has crossed the threshold because she runs room by room hitting the walls, hitting herself with her fists and screaming, then getting violent with the person who made her cross the line. 

Her other mode is just being overwhelmed by life. Someone didn't refill the toilet paper after it ran out and she started yelling about how ahe has to do everything and nobody else does anything. It was really bad. It was very loud and irrational and scary.


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## Mr. Svante (Apr 22, 2015)

I'm an ENFP. 

I get crazy when someone controls me, and at the same time make fun of, or demoralize my ideals. I loose control, and start screaming like puberty-boy, crying and often run away if I can't reason with them.

If I get really, REALLY mad tho, I just get ice cold. My Te takes over completely, and i waltz up to the person who made me mad, and say all their faults right in their face. For example, i say that they are a respectless little b*tch, boring as f*ck, how nothing they do in life will matter. And i do this like talking, slowly and cold. It's horrible, and its only happened once. Thanks to my Te and Ne, I find the most horrible things to say to a person when I'm mad, and I immideately regret if after...


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## Innogen (Oct 22, 2014)

I go into a "magnificent bastard" mode. My voice becomes low and ice-cold. I become very sarcastic and condescending, even smug, and I take what my adversary says and use it against them. This rarely forces them into submission -- oftentimes they become more and more infuriated, making me more and more devious. It's a battle between fire and ice, and it never goes anywhere.


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## Ninjaws (Jul 10, 2014)

I start to curse at everything around me for getting in my way. 

-A car driving by? HOW DARE HE MAKE NOISE! 
-Someone walking with a dog? HOW DARE THEY GET IN MY WAY!

I never say this out loud of course, but it gets quite bad when I'm stressed out.
When it's really bad I get sudden urges to punch everything around me. One good punch is usually enough to stop, as it hurts like hell. xD


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## angelcarnivore (Apr 15, 2015)

I get really angry when someone passive aggressively undermines my competency; you know, when they say innocuous seeming things with the tone that indicates they're somehow being "helpful".

"If that happens, then do this." Yes, I know.

So, I mimick their tone, and describe to them what they are doing, and explain, icily, it does not work on me.

It does, because it made me mad, but it does not undermine my self-confidence, which is their intent. Also, I will deconstruct what they say. "Did that happen recently? Is there a specific instance you are referring to?" If there is a superior involved, I will apologize to that person, in front of the superior- following the letter of the law, after indicating to the person that I already know how to deal with what they are attempting, and that it is fruitless.

The other thing that makes me mad is when someone is obviously trolling me for reaction. I withdraw and give them the "you are a bug, you are so far beneath my notice" look, and treat them with disengaged courtesy; and showing genuine warmth to the people around them who have not sought to do as they've done.

In short, my anger response is to minimize the humanity of that individual by withdrawing my own. From my perspective- it's *worse* than violence. To me, the opposite of love isn't hate- both are expressions of engagement and caring- it's robotic indifference.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

I've been told I become mean and cruel.


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## Lunaena (Nov 16, 2013)

I point out every mistake they've ever made, cry and feel sorry for my own stupid ass.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

My mouth becomes a machine gun of razorblades that I fire off at anyone who tries to talk to me. Especially to those who try to calm me down.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Really really mad ? don't be anywhere near. I ll smash shit up and be very, very fucking cold


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

When I get angry, I tend to have explosive anger and point out the flaws of people. However, if I am angry and around someone who I respect, I become very quiet and unresponsive. I get annoyed when people are lazy and when I do many things for them and they cannot do those tasks themselves. I also get angry at people who are willfully ignorant and repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I have drill sergeant mode, where I become very aggressive, impatient and loud and micromanage the person and if the person seems incompetent, I order them around, if a person starts an argument with me, I become very argumentative and harsh in my judgment of them and become my way or the highway-ish. My other mode is when people fail to work as hard as me, and I become very privately critical of people, become very mocking, do tasks extra fast, become pedantic, matter of fact, succinct, and ice cold.


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## Obscure (May 20, 2013)

INTJ

When I'm pissed I get extra grumpy and lose rationality. The word "fucking" is probably in each sentence I utter. Actually I like getting in bed and away from people just sleeping the negativity away. 

When I'm angry (haven't been in 6-7 years)... I throw/smash/break stuff. Everything becomes meaningless. My phone? effin piece of-*phones is thrown somewhere* when I used to have artwork and stuff... I used to tear them to pieces and throw them in the trash (but I'm out of belongings^^) I lock myself up because I feel like shit and I don't wanna radiate my shitery to others. But if they invade my space (as in not leave me alone) my voice changes because my throat hurts when I get sad and I don't know what kind of auditory act that is that I do. I just know sound comes out but my brain feels like exploding yet that sound is not a high screaming. It's a chocked angry voice. Oh and I've injured people badly.


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

It depends what I'm upset about. If I'm really anxious, I tend to scream at people who try to tell me things are okay and I just rabble of lists of how everything is not okay, how the apocalypse is basically near because I'm going to get a C because im not going to pass this test and my whole life is ruined and oh my gosh, no this is obviously what's happening, you're stupid for not seeing it shut up. (I only do this to my dad and a few of my best friends though.)

When I'm upset about something trauma-related, I tend to just shut down. If I'm not careful I know I'll go off and embarrass myself for being so offended by like something trigger related like sandwiches and no one will understand so I tend to just remove myself from the situation and cry for a while. It's really painful, but. I mean other than that at least no one gets hurt from this but me. 

If I see someone hurting another person... Gosh, that makes me _so_ upset. I can either get passive-aggressive in defense of victimized person or I can get angry because... Why would anyone be so unkind, can't they see the person is hurt, oh my gosh? I usually reign in my passion and just make sure the victimized person is okay and do what I can in the future to prevent them from feeling the way those ignorant bad people jerks want them to feel, but in the past I've been prone to angry explosions when confronted with people who like to use the pain of other people for their amusement. 

Unfairness also gets me going. I've gotten into so many fights with my mom because I get so fed up with how she treats employees at stores and restaurants, and how she treats me and my sister and how she puts down my cousins and acts like they're inferior to us. They're not. No one is inferior to anyone, and my mom agrees with that on principle but her actions/words tend to say something differently. I've gotten better with my mom, but usually when I got upset with her I would loudly and fiercely argue and get very emotional. When I know someone is in the wrong, I don't back down. It's terrible but true. That's usually how it works with me and my mom. 

Also just when I'm feeling socially anxious and overwhelmed by how I (sometimes falsely) perceive people to be hating me, I just cry and sometimes seek obsessive reassurance from the people who do love me that I'm not deserving of their unkind perceptions. I can get very whiny and typically Fe-dom in these situations.


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## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

When I'm super upset: I basically become a verbal steamroller and a downright mean one at that. Or I clam up entirely. 

If I'm just mildly irritated, I tend to become extra sarcastic and get annoyed at things that don't matter, sometimes to an amusing degree.


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## jcal (Oct 31, 2013)

LostFavor said:


> When I'm super upset: I basically become a verbal steamroller and a downright mean one at that. Or I clam up entirely.
> 
> If I'm just mildly irritated, I tend to become extra sarcastic and get annoyed at things that don't matter, sometimes to an amusing degree.


Very similar here. Most often it's clam up and brood. If I'm really agitated I like to release it by getting in the car, cranking up some hard rock or metal and let out a few primal screams.

Only a handful of times in my life have I ever "lost it" (verbally) at or in front of others. Tends to be VERY effective when you don't do it very often!:wink:


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## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

I get loud. I yell everything, and will sometimes just turn my back and scream (feels great - but makes you look totally crazy...thankfully I've never been driven to do it outside of my own home). Honestly, if I was a more physical person I would probably break things - I know that's often what I _want_ to do.


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## SalvinaZerelda (Aug 26, 2010)

^basically, when I'm in an angry place, I feel like a hurricane.


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## Zosio (Mar 17, 2015)

It gets ugly. 

An INFJ friend of mine and I were just discussing how we get "anger drunk" and do all sort of immature, melodramatic things if we get angry enough. I would say that types who have Fe as their second or first function are generally prone to this. It's especially bad if Fe and Se team up -- inanimate objects usually get assaulted or broken if that ever happens. 

I've just recently began to focus more on Fe; developing it properly and keeping it in check. It's been my "problem child" function for as long as I can remember.


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## great_pudgy_owl (Apr 20, 2015)

At my very worst state, the cause is being controlled or condescended. If someone's complaining a lot about other people, especially if they're being hypocritical, is lecturing me about something like I have a processing problem, or if they're just trying to make me believe what they believe or do what they do. 

It's a doozie if it's both together. I tend to pent up things until there's some nasty sarcasm oozing out the seams or just a big disgusting blow up. If it's the blowup, sometimes I'm completely calm before hand and completely take myself by surprise when I finally do burst mid-sentence. Especially shameful is I might cry, but that's only with my father for some reason and absolutely hate that with every fiber and pool of bitter black bile that exists...well...wherever. After which I'll regret it forever. Also may become somewhat quiet and withdrawn. 

There, I was honest


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

INTJ here, I usually just withdraw myself from everybody and hide inside my room.

And then when I am alone in my room I will either cry out of anger/frustration, or I will vent my frustration onto objects. If there is a door in front of me, I will slam the door. If there is paper in front of me, I will rip the paper into shreds. If there is a pillow in front of me, I will use it as my punching bag.


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

INFP

I've only been able to feel comfortable showing anger relatively recently, 6-7 years ago (I'm 30). I picked up too many passive-aggressive tendencies growing up, plus I'm just not good at being blunt and negative. 

Most of the time when I get angry I get very quiet and withdrawn. If I can I hide. If I'm at work (elementary schools), I'm very sarcastic. I mean, I'm sarcastic when I'm not angry to, but there's a difference between funny sarcasm and mean sarcasm.


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## Vox (Mar 16, 2012)

Actually, I can't recall ever being _upset_. I usually just get frustrated or annoyed. I just need to vent when that happens, and I'm not particularly terrible. I might be a little sharper in my responses, but nothing drastic.

The "worst" mode I get in is...detached, to put it succinctly. Cold, rational, and totally indifferent to emotion, at least consciously. I very easily hurt other people and do not care that I do. Sometimes there's still some part of me that says "you should care, you are hurting another person," but it just ends up being background noise. I'm an ENTP.


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## AdInfinitum (Oct 21, 2014)

Whenever I am in the reach of annoyance, it seems to invade me in the most intrusive ways, I become so objective in my beliefs and facts take over the situation, I discover an evil magician within myself, rusting others with harsh words and the saddest part is that I enjoy every single second of it, later on I regret it deeply and question myself just as harshly as my own words. I can either become a trainwreck or the one who falls apart and I also suffer from this fear of apologizing, I never quite do. However I deeply know that people who are worth it know how to read in between the lines of my anger and try to stay detached.


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## Cbyermen (Nov 28, 2014)

Short answer: really bloody horrible.

Long answer: As an unhealthy INFP, I tend to run away from the problem. I won't ever try to sit down and talk to whoever if making me upset and have a proper conversation on how to solve the issue. I'll give them the silent treatment, make smartass comebacks in my head (and sometimes out loud) and won't want to give up my viewpoint on the argument. I'm stubborn like that. I bottle up ALL of my emotions and thoughts. The thing about my use of Fi is that I know exactly what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it, I just don't want to particularly share this knowledge to anyone. If I'm super angry, I'll often use my Te in the wrong way and snap at people, barking orders at them, say things as facts, even though they're actually emotions in disguise, etc etc.


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## selena87 (Aug 15, 2014)

I don't remember the last time I'm upset, really. :laughing:


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

Depends what you mean by upset -
angry - withdrawal, blaming things around me, become prone to paranoia
offended - start criticizing and then walk away

I dislike being around other people when I am in a bad mood though, I try to avoid it. I hate to be a person who brings a bad air to the room, I know how much it annoys me so I try to not do it to other people.


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## Lady D (Mar 17, 2013)

Noctis said:


> When I get angry, I tend to have explosive anger and point out the flaws of people. However, if I am angry and around someone who I respect, I become very quiet and unresponsive. I get annoyed when people are lazy and when I do many things for them and they cannot do those tasks themselves. I also get angry at people who are willfully ignorant and repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I have drill sergeant mode, where I become very aggressive, impatient and loud and micromanage the person and if the person seems incompetent, I order them around, if a person starts an argument with me, I become very argumentative and harsh in my judgment of them and become my way or the highway-ish. My other mode is when people fail to work as hard as me, and I become very privately critical of people, become very mocking, do tasks extra fast, become pedantic, matter of fact, succinct, and ice cold.


LOL, am I really an ISFP? It could be..


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## gardengnome (Dec 12, 2014)

INFP

I don't really get seriously angry per se. If someone makes me upset I'm more like "why is the world so bad I hate the human condition" or something so...... I'm more focused on the big picture. Maybe I'll mentally withdraw myself from the situation and then just ignore everything that just happened. I don't really see the point of getting verbally angry at someone because it shows that you care enough to put energy into getting mad at them, so they kind of indirectly win. I guess. 

That's just serious anger, if it's something like a bad driver (as someone said a few pages back) then I might do that fake angry thing where you're like "what the??? where the hell is your turn signal you f cking waste of space.. god........."


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

ENTJ

I get seriously angry, but I channel the anger into coming up with a solution.


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

I'm INFJ. I won't let myself become a puppet of the unconscious. I lay too close to that veil already. People should Absolutely be embarrassed by how they act when they're really angry, depending, imo. I have little sympathy for others, and myself, here. People snap and murder others in these places. Brutally. They should be shamed, and a little shame for more minor discretions is hopefully preventative (though this can swing in the opposite direction, and a person can begin to self identify with negativity, which is also damaging - it's a very delicate balance). That said, I believe in understanding and rationalization too, but not in immediately opening your arms (well, usually, there's exceptions) and saying "hey, it's okay, it happens." Shame makes you step up your game ideally. Sympathy is more easily felt afterwards, eventually.

I usually turn my anger inwards on myself. I get shamed for that constantly. It's funny how we almost idealize sadism over masochism in our society. When I'm really upset I turn bright red. If I'm especially upset I break into hives or a body rash. I might get eczema in this one small area next to my nose. It's hot. It's like I just want these things OUT of me, immediately. I once literally sprinted through a mall when I found out over the phone that an ex had cheated on me. Everyone looked at me like I was insane but I didn't care. I felt something snap in my chest and I just wanted to get rid of it. Ride it out. Not get stuck with it. 

Like negative emotions are a stain on your soul, and you have to wash them before they set. 

So it's like I believe in the immediate purging of these emotions, but I don't believe in the immediate forgiveness of them. I try to blood let in a way that's ultimately hurting me most. Then I'm in control of my forgiveness within that, and I don't have to worry about hurting others. I scare myself. I generally suck at pretty much anything sports related, but I have been told that I have an especially powerful and forceful arm, and punch. This is really lame, but the movie Frozen was healing for me. In trying not to hurt the people she loved, she still hurt them with her iciness and isolation. So I've been trying to be kinder to myself. Though. It's almost like I feed off my own poison. Like I immunize myself to it. I become powerful off of it. So I wonder how "selfless" I really am in some of my approaches. It's like by being kinder to myself, I'm really being kinder to others. I think I gain something from beating my own ass.


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## westlose (Oct 9, 2014)

I'm a very calm person, I'm almost never upset. I can control my anger very well. But I dare you, if you make me angry... You won't even recognize me.


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## Heylo (Jan 5, 2015)

INFP here. If I am a bit upset, I usually start being sarcastic in a pretty mean way or I just leave the room. I usually feel very bad for being a dick later on.

If I get angry, I get this "I don't care" mentality and my extroverted side pops out, I get really social but in a passive aggressive way and I keep being sarcastic like when I'm upset but way more exaggerated. 

If someone claims that I am thinking in a certain way (but in fact I'm not) and I get hurt at the same time I feel like I could break that person to pieces with my bare hands but I don't of course, I start screaming instead, telling him or her how stupid that person is and might start throwing things or jabbing some wall. 

Usually, I'm passively aggressive which seems to be common among INFPs. I can fill up my head with dislike against something and then spit it out every now and then in an passive aggressive way.


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## Son of Mercury (Aug 12, 2014)

INTJ - 8

I don't lose control much but when I do it is epic and whoever is at the end of my anger is forever changed by the experience. Once again this is when I am livid... and that takes a lot of provoking from the other person. These reactions, when pushed to this level, are almost automatic. I have no control over it.


Body Language signs that I have noticed (when reflecting on my blow-ups):

1) A slight snarl look by my upper lip that I can not control. That upper muscle stays tense; thats one sign that you know I am legitimately pissed off. Mylower lip relaxes, allowing part of my teeth to show.

2) My eyes get a bit unfocused to where it looks as if I am gazing right through you; with most of my anger concentrated in my gaze.
3) Shoulders instantly relax, and my chest pokes out. I do not do this deliberately, it feels like an automatic reaction.
4) I begin to breath very slowly from my diaphragm, not my upper chest. 
5) If I'm using my voice to make a point while angered, it always sounds drawn out, holding to every syllable while maintaining a loud volume. In most verbal fights, the person tends to give up because of this.

6) My walk is very heavy, each step make a statement. I also pace back and forth.
7) Then I make it my business to come at you non-stop. I will ask you interrogative questions and point out all your hypocrisies while maintaining a dominant stance until I see you are giving up, at which point I remove myself from the area. I never continue on; the minute I see that you have given up, I stop.
8) If people are around, you can sense their uneasiness... women gather into groups and start chatting with each other nervously to assuage their fear. Men that are not involved either get quiet, or they become agreeable with me. The whole atmosphere changes. 


The last person I did this to was a bus driver. He tried to attack me about any issue without hearing both sides, and he witnessed the primal side. After the whole argument was over and I had calmed down, before exiting the bus I told him: "See you did not have to attack me like that, you should have asked for my side of the story". The man was so traumatized, he cut me off before my third sentence and said: "You know what, I don't even care any more.. I don't care." You could hear how defeated he sounded in his tone; it was sad.

I never saw that bus driver again. He switched his route and he never took that route again. I don't like when I get angry and I feel like less of a human being when I lose my cool and allow that primal side to do damage to other people. Also, after these explosions, I am completely drained for at least 2 days.

But once again, these are very rare blow-ups. I've only had three.


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