# Me so lonely



## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

I don't know...

I feel like creating a thread and telling you this, but I really don't know why, seeing as I, given the right circumstances, would probably presume it to be a waste of time and effort.

I'm sleepy, so my brain is having the dumb. Failed to discard the idea. Guess I'll just do it.



I'm lonely. I've been like that since... well, I've never NOT been lonely, so yeah.

To give you an idea of how lonely: picture intimacy between a man and a woman, and I mean any kind of intimacy, and you can be sure I've never experienced it.

Shy.



Now I realize something I should have realized a year ago, maybe two: I've become terrified of intimacy.


I panic around girls/women, and I had never noticed it before.


What the hell went wrong? Why am I so f*cking miserable?

Ask me questions you feel are linked to understanding this and please help me figure myself out.

I'll go ahead and fill you out on some stuff:

I've never met an INTP. At least, not that I'm aware of, but I'm pretty sure I haven't.

Heck, I feel like I'm sitting down and talking to my psychologist. (hmm, I've been meaning to go there)


Anyway, I'm told to be an extremelly interesting guy and stuff. A few weeks ago I told a close friend I had given up on the whole girl/woman thing. Too painful, I argued.

He raged.

It is partially true... I've stoped giving a damn about that around a year ago... but I guess not completelly.

Just ran out of stuff to write. I'll be relying on your questions to help me further the explanation of who I am and what I... am.

Also, I'd like to get this out of the way once and for all. It's not something I do often, in fact I've never done it, but I'm going to post a picture so you can tell me if my flesh-shell is to blame:

(Ignore the haircut. Pic taken during martial arts training trip to Japan. I usually have hair.)


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

I can see that you have seen pain and hard times already in your picture. I know such eyes. 
However. Since I am not sure how much you want to get revealed, I am not going to say more at this point.

So, may I ask if you only tend to get like this around "real life girls" or also on the internet? The cyberspace could be a very good playground to train this whole thing. It sure helped me back then.


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

I associate msn flirting with shallow dialogues based on... nothing.

If I can't express myself completelly (gestures, facial expressions, body language), I feel uncomfortable.

That's why I hate phonecalls.





About the eyes, yes, I've been told on several ocasions that, even though I laugh a lot and am always coming up with jokes, my eyes never smile.

Some have wondered wether or not that keeps ppl at a distance, like an aura of pain or whatever.

Was that what you meant?



btw, reveal all you want

that's what I'm here for


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## LadyJava (Oct 26, 2008)

Nothing at all wrong with your "flesh shell." 

Maybe not giving a damn can work for you: what have you got to lose? You can practice reaching out to people, it's easier when you are at the point where you don't care as much. Eventually, maybe you can move from there to trying your practiced people skills on women you find attractive? Just a suggestion. I hope things get better for you soon.


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

LadyJava said:


> Maybe not giving a damn can work for you: what have you got to lose?


 
problem is, I can't stop giving a damn 100%

part of me is bleeding and I feel myself weakening



I'm a pro when it comes to "hiding the pain from my brain", but my heart sees all.

(how dramatically poetic)


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

Deimos said:


> I associate msn flirting with shallow dialogues based on... nothing.
> If I can't express myself completelly (gestures, facial expressions, body language), I feel uncomfortable.
> That's why I hate phonecalls.


 I see where you are coming from. But then again, seeing this would only be training, it wouldn't even be too bad if you didn't get a real interest. 
Of course this just might not work for you. But you might wanna think about it or so. 
Oh and yep, phonecalls are a bitch. 




Deimos said:


> Some have wondered wether or not that keeps ppl at a distance, like an aura of pain or whatever.


Well, it MIGHT keep SOME people away. Whoever doesn't feel like dealing with sadness I guess. I sure know it wouldn't keep me away. Somebody like me who likes to improve things would be highly attracted to such an aura. And I know / have known a lot people who see it the same way. 
But what surely gets noticed by other people is stuff like "low self-esteem" etc. When you have that, you tend to "shine it out" and people tend to not respond to that very well. Been there. 

Hm, say, is there some things you love to do? Stuff that makes you happy? That would help to make your aura more shiny. Happy people are attractive people. 

And for the panicking...yes, either train it with people (random or friends), read books or do something like that. I don't know you well enough to tell what could be the right way for you, I can just throw suggestions out there for now. But be sure that I am going to follow this thread, in case you need more input. If I am good at something, it is that. 
But, I am not going to edge forward yet. That'd be highly unpolite. 



Deimos said:


> Was that what you meant?


No my eye comment was just something I noticed. I didn't mean to say that it repels or attracts people. It was more of "Yes, I see what you mean" if you want so.


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## SUPERJERKASS (Aug 29, 2009)

ok bro, your a good lookin dude just try to put yourself into a situation where you must interact with chicks and im sure if you have the since of humor you speak of than you'll be fine and you will find its easy to talk to girls/women. they are not some mystic creature man they are just like you and i we like to talk about the same shit and for the most part live for the same goals in life just jump in ad strike up a conversation with someone you do not know weather it be a stranger of someone you barely know from a friend of a friend. Good luck brother and just have fun!!


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Do you feel that this is the only topic that makes you feel this way? Or do you often feel depressed in general?


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

That's easier for extraverts, but I agree with the basic concept. I agree that girls are a lot like boys, and will probably appreciate similar kinds of interactions.


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

vanWinchester said:


> what surely gets noticed by other people is stuff like "low self-esteem" etc. When you have that, you tend to "shine it out" and people tend to not respond to that very well. Been there.
> 
> Hm, say, is there some things you love to do? Stuff that makes you happy? That would help to make your aura more shiny. Happy people are attractive people.


 
bingo

that's probably one of the main issues



you see, apart from martial arts, the things I like the most are things I do alone


like reading, watching movies, music (hell yea music)


have you seen the movie "The Libertine"

Johny Depp's character has a quote that can be applied to most things I enjoy.

Found it:

*Rochester*: I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me in theater.

substitute "theater" with anything from my list of hobbies, and the statement holds true

now that I think of it, I find myself compatible with many of these quotes, let's try some more!

*Rochester*: Mrs. Barry, you must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories: The stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time. The envious, never.

somewhat familiar

I used to be, and still feel like, kind of an elitist. I believe it all to have been a mere byproduct of my despair, though.

not so much over the last year... oh wait, that's because I haven't met anyone new :mellow:


*Rochester*: I don't mean to upset people, but I must speak my mind. For what's in my mind is far more interesting than what's outside my mind.

don't know anyone able to discuss my thoughts with some coherence while adding something to the debate. I find myself "preaching" most of the time.


*Rochester*: But life is not a succession of urgent "nows". It's a listless trickle of "why should I's". 

lack of self confidence has made me kind of an acute procrastinator


*King Charles II*: When did I banish him? 
*Royal Advisor*: Three months ago. 
*King Charles II*: For how long? 
*Royal Advisor*: A year. 
*King Charles II*: Bring him back. Now.


I must be super nice/warm/fuzzy to be around with, at least to my close friends who, despite my total lack of output, have never given up on me.



*Rochester*: I never wanted you for a mistress, Lizzy. I wanted you for my wife.


I have trouble imagining myself going through "one night stands".

But then again, what do I know?


*Rochester*: Did you miss me? 
*Jane*: I missed the money. 
*Rochester*: Good. I don't like a whore with sentiment.


this could be the reason for the above. as far as I know from social input etc., women tend to have trouble parting pleasure and feelings. That makes me uncomfortable.


*Sackville*: She gives a good gobble, but won't do the full wibbly-wobbly!

this one I posted cuz it's hilarious :laughing:


*Rochester*: The theatre is my drug, and my illness is so far advanced that my physic must be of the highest quality.


I depend so much on music/cinema for emotional relief that my tastes have evolved towards the extreme exquisite.


*Rochester*: There is spirit in her. 
*Jane*: When a gent sees the spirit, and not the eyes or the tits, then a gent is in trouble.

Another thing that makes "one night stands" confuse from my point of view is my inability to separate the body from the mind.
A hot dumb girl is dumb. That's all it takes for me to look away (vewy picky)


*Rochester*: All men would be cowards if they only had the courage.


I'm not an alpha male

I don't like to either dominate or submit. Equals is the answer for everything.


*Elizabeth Barry*: I will not swap my certain glory for your undependable love.


I fear emotions may cloud my vision and steer me down paths I wouldn't otherwise choose.


*Elizabeth Malet*: You abducted me in a coach like this when I was still a virgin heiress. 
*Rochester*: And did you like abduction? 
*Elizabeth Malet*: Passionately. 

I am extremelly kinky.:mellow:


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## SUPERJERKASS (Aug 29, 2009)

snail said:


> That's easier for extroverts, but I agree with the basic concept. I agree that girls are a lot like boys, and will probably appreciate similar kinds of interactions.


Just as and example situation: you as well as this guy are "intros" how would you like to be approached by him that would not be intimidating and be totally comfortable for him as a seemly shy intro but still and awesome guy.


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

dude this is weird haha. your post reminds me a lot of myself, and we even look alike. i'll post a picture sometime if you want proof. I had the same trouble with girls for most of my life, and i'm still not great with the normal ones. The only girls i tend to relate to are N-ish ones. You say you haven't met any other INTP's, and I'm not surprised, but try looking for girls who appear intelligent. I don't mean nerdy, but if you're like me, you'll find it attractive when a girl is capable of deep and/or intellectual conversation. I got really lucky and found an INTJ, and i think that's the kind of person we INTP's should look for. It kind of takes one to understand one, and in my case, a girl like that tends to look past your demeanor as long as you're not an asshole, and i don't think you are  haha. So my advice is to just look for a girl who is more likely to understand your INTP-ness, and if the other ones don't get you, who cares? They're people just like you and if they don't like you for whatever reason, that's their problem. That's been my attitude anyway, and it's worked well for me. I hope that helps some.

(btw: i tend not to display emotion on my face, so people are always asking if i'm ok, or being intimidated because i seem angry. my brother even says i look like a stoner... but the right girl will be able to look past that, and you won't feel alone anymore.)


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

Azrael said:


> Do you feel that this is the only topic that makes you feel this way? Or do you often feel depressed in general?


 
academic acomplishments below my objectives, unstable family, some humour flutuations


I feel like this now and then.


If you spot me walking down the street you'll probably see me "looking like I feel awful". Whenever I let my mind fly free, my face goes all scary/spaced out (at least so they tell me).


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

JakeT said:


> dude this is weird haha. your post reminds me a lot of myself, and we even look alike. i'll post a picture sometime if you want proof.


please do so I won't feel like the only one showing his face :bored:



JakeT said:


> (btw: i tend not to display emotion on my face, so people are always asking if i'm ok, or being intimidated because i seem angry. my brother even says i look like a stoner...


you and me both


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## SUPERJERKASS (Aug 29, 2009)

well i hope your spaced out will eventually become about different things i hate to see people worry to much about life its what you make of it bro just do what makes you happy and eventually that spaced out place will be the best place to be just because it used to be a kinda dark unknowing frightening are and it shall become a well kind of dark unknowing that will bring nothing but new thought of shit to come and the good times.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Deimos said:


> academic acomplishments below my objectives, unstable family, some humour flutuations
> 
> I feel like this now and then.
> 
> If you spot me walking down the street you'll probably see me "looking like I feel awful". Whenever I let my mind fly free, my face goes all scary/spaced out (at least so they tell me).


I would personally urge you to talk to a psychologist about getting some medication. More often than not, recurring depression is the result of a chemical imbalance in the deep limbic system of the brain, and certain antidepressants can help regulate it. The depression may very well be circumstantial (and _real_), and you probably won't need to take it after some of your life issues are resolved. However, it would probably help you cope in the meantime, and make it easier to get through.

That's just my advice from personal experience. Take it or leave it, but good luck. :happy:


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## SUPERJERKASS (Aug 29, 2009)

easy man he is only 19 lets let his brain catch up with his hormones before talking about some medication he is just a growing young man. this shit is normal.


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

Azrael said:


> I would personally urge you to talk to a psychologist about getting some medication. More often than not, recurring depression is the result of a chemical imbalance in the deep limbic system of the brain, and certain antidepressants can help regulate it. The depression may very well be circumstantial (and _real_), and you probably won't need to take it after some of your life issues are resolved. However, it would probably help you cope in the meantime, and make it easier to get through.
> 
> That's just my advice from personal experience. Take it or leave it, but good luck. :happy:


 

I know... 

been there, done that


I don't like the way I feel on anti-depressants... they make my mind numb all over and I lose the edge that I find defines me the most.

Other ppl wouldn't have the same problem though :bored:


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

SUPERJERKASS said:


> easy man he is only 19 lets let his brain catch up with his hormones before talking about some medication he is just a growing young man. this shit is normal.


Well, I had to take anti-depressants through the better portion of high school to keep from killing myself. No joke.


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

Azrael said:


> Well, I had to take anti-depressants through the better portion of high school to keep from killing myself. No joke.


I had to take them for a year after I finished highschool for the same reason.


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

well there ya go. that's my ugly mug haha. i hope someone else sees the similarity, or i'll feel really weird haha


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## SUPERJERKASS (Aug 29, 2009)

Azrael said:


> Well, I had to take anti-depressants through the better portion of high school to keep from killing myself. No joke.


did they do anything but make you feel like a drone...that didn't want to kill itself... im not saying drugs are an option but suicide and chick help are a bit different. and u said used them what is different for you now how did you escape the anti-depressant hold of the ease of pills? (hope i dont sound like a dick i dont mean to if i do man)


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

Deimos said:


> bingo
> that's probably one of the main issues


Thought so. I honestly feel like I am talking to my earlier self right now. Been there too. 



Deimos said:


> you see, apart from martial arts, the things I like the most are things I do alone
> like reading, watching movies, music (hell yea music)


 Yes I have the same "problem". I enjoy alone stuff as well, and normally people do not see me when I do that stuff. I can't exactly move my desk in front of my house and program there (or whatever). So don't worry, I see where you are coming from. 
Martial Arts. Are there any girls around there? Or are there like clubs of any of your hobbies you could join (stupid question, I know. But seeing you rather wanna train "out there", I have to bring up those). 




Deimos said:


> now that I think of it, I find myself compatible with many of these quotes, let's try some more!


 Forgive me if I have a big smile on my face right now, but you definitely remind me of myself. You have that character, I have Dean. And that was random. *cough*



> not so much over the last year... oh wait, that's because I haven't met anyone new :mellow:


 You seem to be putting yourself under massive pressure. Why is that? You are still young (another stupid cliché thing to say, I know, I know) and it's not that you have to win a marathon or so. 
Today it is normal (unfortunately, I must say) to have to look way longer for somebody who matches. And you should take this time, because I am sure you'd rather end up with somebody you can enjoy than with somebody you just have drama and pain, isn't that so? 
*
*


> don't know anyone able to discuss my thoughts with some coherence while adding something to the debate. I find myself "preaching" most of the time.


 Not even on this forum or on the net in general? Now I know you are somewhat uncomfortable with it, but it is very unlikely that the "perfect people" just live across the street nowadays. You gotta compromise a bit sometimes. 



> lack of self confidence has made me kind of an acute procrastinator


 Oh you'll get it back I am sure. All you need is some change of pattern and some training. 



> I must be super nice/warm/fuzzy to be around with, at least to my close friends who, despite my total lack of output, have never given up on me.


Good. This already makes the whole thing a lot easier. Support is always an advantage. You aren't such a desperate case yet, believe me. 



> I have trouble imagining myself going through "one night stands".


that doesn't have to be a bad thing. One Night Stands are senseless anyways. It's just to temporarily satisfy physical needs. And that won't help you in this case. 



> this one I posted cuz it's hilarious :laughing:


Ah now that's how we'd like to see you. :happy:



> Another thing that makes "one night stands" confuse from my point of view is my inability to separate the body from the mind.
> A hot dumb girl is dumb. That's all it takes for me to look away (vewy picky)


Oh believe me, that is a good point of view. However, about the pickiness. I know that from myself. You might have to compromise a bit. Not so much about "not dating dumb people" or so, but just in general. As I said above. You might have to do SOME things that make you feel uncomfortable at first. Otherwise you'll end up being stuck forever. And I believe this is not what you want. 
It's okay to be scared or whatever, but then again, you have support. You might wanna use that. 



> I don't like to either dominate or submit. Equals is the answer for everything.


Agreed to a 100%. Everything else turns out unhealthy sooner or later anyways. 



> I fear emotions may cloud my vision and steer me down paths I wouldn't otherwise choose.


Ah, the typical T-fear. This is why you need to train to make decisions with both, head and heart. Only one of both will definitely cause you trouble. But again, you'll have to compromise and step out of your comfort zone a bit to get there. 

Okay, my personal advice: first know what you want. Then acknowledge that it is going to take some compromising and some "stepping out of your usual position". Because obviously, as you have done it until now, you have been unhappy. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, right? They say "A fault confessed is half redressed". 
Once you have done it, you need to find soultions with those compromises and try new stuff and techniques. It's gonna be awkward ad scary at first, but keep going. Eventually communicate it to your friends and make them help you; depending on how close you are to them. BUT don't make them decide what to do. You do. They should just be there to "hold hands", basically. Unless you need a "kick in your ass", but even then, you give the orders. It's never good if somebody else decides for you. 
Then you will need training. You'll "fail" a few times (more like fall), but you have to keep trying. You'll get there, because from what I see you are smart enough. This is nothing you can make go away in a few days. It takes a while. Just take small steps; don't stress yourself. 

And I apologize if I have sounded "Yoga-Crap-like". I know how it always sounds weird if somebody tells you all this motivational stuff. It makes you go "Yeah, right. You make it sound soooo easy". Truth is, it will not be as easy as it might sound, which is why you gotta take small steps and eventually ask for some support. Then it's gonna work. 

Uh, and I will shut up for now and let you process that.


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## SUPERJERKASS (Aug 29, 2009)

JakeT said:


> well there ya go. that's my ugly mug haha. i hope someone else sees the similarity, or i'll feel really weird haha


yea yous guys look a bit alike


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

JakeT said:


> well there ya go. that's my ugly mug haha. i hope someone else sees the similarity, or i'll feel really weird haha


You do actually. Then again, not surprised. For some reason a lot of INTPs look alike. :shocked:


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

SUPERJERKASS said:


> did they do anything but make you feel like a drone...that didn't want to kill itself... im not saying drugs are an option but suicide and chick help are a bit different. and u said used them what is different for you now how did you escape the anti-depressant hold of the ease of pills? (hope i dont sound like a dick i dont mean to if i do man)


Nah, you don't sound like a dick, but you don't sound like you've experienced clinical depression before.

When tears are streaming down your face, your throat is constricted, your chest is heavy, and all you can think is "What the fuck am I doing here? These people hate me, and I hate them. I hate them all. Fuck them. I'm no use to anyone. I'm a waste of life. Nothing is ever going to get better. The world is my enemy. I'm too weak to fight anymore. I can't do it. Fuck, fuck, fuck..." 

Meanwhile, your parents are screaming at you over something as trivial as homework. A sad song is playing in the background, but you know it's in your head. Why can't they understand? Why won't they even try? How can they be so cold?

You find yourself with a loaded gun in your hand later, wondering if you've experienced enough pain to warrant ending it. The last little bit of hope you have is that maybe there is a cure. Maybe something can help.

The side-effects are worth it if you have experienced this. Believe me.


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

Azrael said:


> Nah, you don't sound like a dick, but you don't sound like you've experienced clinical depression before.
> 
> When tears are streaming down your face, your throat is constricted, your chest is heavy, and all you can think is "What the fuck am I doing here? These people hate me, and I hate them. I hate them all. Fuck them. I'm no use to anyone. I'm a waste of life. Nothing is ever going to get better. The world is my enemy. I'm too weak to fight anymore. I can't do it. Fuck, fuck, fuck..."
> 
> ...



i'm depressed just from reading that


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

JakeT said:


> i'm depressed just from reading that


Oh...sorry. :blushed: I guess I made my point though.


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## SUPERJERKASS (Aug 29, 2009)

13 months in Iraq, I have felt some lonely shit but i was fortunate to have great friends and people who know how to gut check me into reality i was fortunate. but even as an unaccepted adolescent you can withhold such anger and feelings of hate we just have to trudge through it and hope we have friends and family to make. but if not them then i guess i can understand the pills. For no man is a strong as his imagination. you sir are a very deep man.:happy: but i will go on back to repressing those nasty feelings now.


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

ya you certainly did make the point. i think i understand too, though. i got to the point a couple months ago where i was too depressed to eat. not as bad as suicide, i know, but i lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks.... and i'm still trying to get it back. thankfully, it was only that strong because i had two problems kind of collide on the same day and i was worked up for a while afterward. i'm mostly fine now though


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

JakeT said:


> dude this is weird haha. your post reminds me a lot of myself, and we even look alike. i'll post a picture sometime if you want proof. I had the same trouble with girls for most of my life, and i'm still not great with the normal ones. The only girls i tend to relate to are N-ish ones. You say you haven't met any other INTP's, and I'm not surprised, but try looking for girls who appear intelligent. I don't mean nerdy, but if you're like me, you'll find it attractive when a girl is capable of deep and/or intellectual conversation. I got really lucky and found an INTJ, and i think that's the kind of person we INTP's should look for. It kind of takes one to understand one, and in my case, a girl like that tends to look past your demeanor as long as you're not an asshole, and i don't think you are  haha. So my advice is to just look for a girl who is more likely to understand your INTP-ness, and if the other ones don't get you, who cares? They're people just like you and if they don't like you for whatever reason, that's their problem. That's been my attitude anyway, and it's worked well for me. I hope that helps some.
> 
> (btw: i tend not to display emotion on my face, so people are always asking if i'm ok, or being intimidated because i seem angry. my brother even says i look like a stoner... but the right girl will be able to look past that, and you won't feel alone anymore.)


Want to get even weirder? His post also sounds just like me, AND I also look like both of you. This is fucking hilarious.

The only difference I have with you Deimos really is that I'm not as depressed as you and I actually had a large amount of action with girls so far in my life. But I am also at a point, like you and JakeT, where I feel I cannot connect with most girls(and people in general). I must repeat what JakeT said and say try to look for the nerdy girls. Its what I do. I cannot get with a girl who does not have an intelligence and personality that I can respect, no matter how hot she is. I remember back in High School there was this ridiculously hot bisexual chick that wanted me a lot that I turned down because I didn't like her personality at all, though I did mess around with her a bit haha.


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> Want to get even weirder? His post also sounds just like me, AND I also look like both of you. This is fucking hilarious.
> 
> The only difference I have with you Deimos really is that I'm not as depressed as you and I actually had a large amount of action with girls so far in my life. But I am also at a point, like you and JakeT, where I feel I cannot connect with most girls(and people in general). I must repeat what JakeT said and say try to look for the nerdy girls. Its what I do. I cannot get with a girl who does not have an intelligence and personality that I can respect, no matter how hot she is. I remember back in High School there was this ridiculously hot bisexual chick that wanted me a lot that I turned down because I didn't like her personality at all, though I did mess around with her a bit haha.


hahaha this is really weird -_-... i feel like we should have a club or something >.>


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

SUPERJERKASS said:


> For no man is a strong as his imagination. you sir are a very deep man.:happy:


Heh, that's one way to put it. Thanks, though. I'm aware that what I wrote appears dramatic, irrational, self-pitying, and ridiculous. But that's kind of my point. It's messed up thinking but I couldn't help it without the pills. Anyways though, thanks for understanding. I really do appreciate it. :happy:


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> I cannot get with a girl who does not have an intelligence and personality that I can respect, no matter how hot she is.


dude i'm like in a weird long distance relationship thing with the INTJ girl i mentioned in my first post... and the kicker with her was that she makes me feel inferior in some ways... which is sexy to me haha.she's the first girl i've met who i really admire, and i think that's what really attracted me to her


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

JakeT said:


> dude i'm like in a weird long distance relationship thing with the INTJ girl i mentioned in my first post... and the kicker with her was that she makes me feel inferior in some ways... which is sexy to me haha.she's the first girl i've met who i really admire, and i think that's what really attracted me to her


I'm looking for a girl who I can consider my equal, or even better, my superior. Consider yourself very lucky.


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> I'm looking for a girl who I can consider my equal, or even better, my superior. Consider yourself very lucky.


i can't begin to tell you how lucky i feel haha. i had to look on the other side of the fricken country to find her though... that part i don't like so much... but you can't have everything. i don't know if it's a characteristic of our type, or just me, but the whole equality thing is weird for me. on the one hand, i'm competitive and i don't like feeling inferior, but on the other hand i find it incredibly attractive that she makes me feel stupid  haha. i


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## Paris877 (Sep 21, 2009)

SUPERJERKASS said:


> easy man he is only 19 lets let his brain catch up with his hormones before talking about some medication he is just a growing young man. this shit is normal.


Totally agree with this. You are young. You are a attractive looking male. Your problem in my opinion is simply that you haven't found the right one yet. Don't get discouraged or feel that you have to fit into a certain time frame for your romance life to kick in. It might seem that it will never happen, but I don't believe that for one moment. There is someone out there that will find you attractive not just on the outside but for who you are on the inside.

Don't settle for someone who doesn't stimulate you intellectually, or that you can not connect with. And don't worry about what the rest of the world thinks of you. It does not matter. The right girl is going to see you for something special and that is all that will matter. If you like movies and music like you said, try starting up conversations about those things when you interact with a female. They will either get it or they wont.

The men I have been attracted to the most in my life were the ones that held my interest or caused me to get into a debate. I fell in love with my husband over, believe it or not, a star trek discussion. How typically INTP of me.

Other then that, its way to hard to try and give advice to someone that you don't know personally. Just give it time and don't give up. Or hell maybe do and let her come to you when you least expect it.


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> Want to get even weirder? His post also sounds just like me, AND I also look like both of you. This is fucking hilarious.


 
Guess you have no choice but to post a picture :crazy:


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

Deimos said:


> Guess you have no choice but to post a picture :crazy:



rofl ya let's have it. 'tis only fair


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

vanWinchester said:


> Martial Arts. Are there any girls around there? Or are there like clubs of any of your hobbies you could join (stupid question, I know. But seeing you rather wanna train "out there", I have to bring up those).


Girls in my dojo? There's one that's about 4 years older than me, and I think 2 more are planning to join, but as an "assistant teacher" the last thing I need is start getting involved with other practitioners.

About the club thingy... wut?

Music clubs? Is that what you mean? I have never heard of such thing around here :mellow:



vanWinchester said:


> Forgive me if I have a big smile on my face right now, but you definitely remind me of myself. You have that character, I have Dean. And that was random. *cough*


I do find myself relating to a few characters in my favourite movies/series.

(anyone here know Shinji Ikari? :crazy

And I don't think I've mentioned it, but part of that whole "tastes evolving into an exquisite extreme" has led me into the world of Japanese anime.

No, I don't like naruto. 


But I can't even begin to tell you the impact "Ghost in the Shell" has had on my life, for example :shocked:



vanWinchester said:


> You seem to be putting yourself under massive pressure. Why is that? You are still young (another stupid cliché thing to say, I know, I know) and it's not that you have to win a marathon or so.


I'm an INTP, but I'm not heartless. My emotions are like the Earth's core. No one has ever seen them, but they're deep in there, burning me up.

The lack of output makes me suffer a lot.




vanWinchester said:


> Not even on this forum or on the net in general? Now I know you are somewhat uncomfortable with it, but it is very unlikely that the "perfect people" just live across the street nowadays. You gotta compromise a bit sometimes.


:sad:



vanWinchester said:


> Uh, and I will shut up for now and let you process that.


hah, don't worry, I can take it :crazy:


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> I'm looking for a girl who I can consider my equal, or even better, my superior. Consider yourself very lucky.


I could say the same...


I mean, it depends on the kind of superiority you have in mind, but a girl more inteligent than me would be interesting:blushed:


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Deimos said:


> I could say the same...
> 
> 
> I mean, it depends on the kind of superiority you have in mind, but a girl more inteligent than me would be interesting:blushed:


Hmm I mean intelligence-wise. My picture is also in my profile I don't feel like loading it up to post it again.


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## crzysttchr (Jul 21, 2009)

wow you guys all DO look the same.. and I can honestly say...... wait for some time.. you are all young.. believe me.. it will come when u least expect it *listen to somone old enuf to be ur mom lol*


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## JakeT (Sep 21, 2009)

wow... i gotta say... the similarities are kinda creepy. where are you guys from?


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## Deimos (Jun 6, 2009)

... check the flags

I'm from Portugal, they're both from the US.


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## ginz (Sep 30, 2009)

JakeT said:


> hahaha this is really weird -_-... i feel like we should have a club or something >.>


i wholeheartly agree on this . it just feels like im seeing more people like me in this forum than ever DX


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## inVeRted SpecTrum (Oct 3, 2009)

I'm lonely. I've been like that since... well, I've never NOT been lonely, so yeah.

To give you an idea of how lonely: picture intimacy between a man and a woman, and I mean any kind of intimacy, and you can be sure I've never experienced it.

Shy.



Now I realize something I should have realized a year ago, maybe two: I've become terrified of intimacy.


I panic around girls/women, and I had never noticed it before.


What the hell went wrong? Why am I so f*cking miserable?




I can definitely empathize. Always having been lonely and realizing you're afraid of intimacy I can relate to- not just with guys but people in general. Personally what I do is if I ever find I'm getting nervous I just pretend they're a girl (or a guy in your case) or I pretend they're another person I'm already comfortable with. I don't know if this would work for you, but it helps me.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

inVeRted SpecTrum said:


> I'm lonely. I've been like that since... well, I've never NOT been lonely, so yeah.
> 
> To give you an idea of how lonely: picture intimacy between a man and a woman, and I mean any kind of intimacy, and you can be sure I've never experienced it.
> 
> ...



I'm a prabably a sicko but i realize the power I'd feel around you if you were attracted to me and I would most likelly DOMINATE. :tongue:


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## inVeRted SpecTrum (Oct 3, 2009)

Deagalman said:


> I'm a prabably a sicko but i realize the power I'd feel around you if you were attracted to me and I would most likelly DOMINATE. :tongue:


Interesting. I guess it makes sense that a guy would like to dominate. Except that would be really annoying. I don't like feeling inferior you see. I think I prefer equality.

(btw the top part of my last post was suppose to be deimos, not me, oops)


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## ginz (Sep 30, 2009)

inVeRted SpecTrum said:


> Interesting. I guess it makes sense that a guy would like to dominate. Except that would be really annoying. I don't like feeling inferior you see. I think I prefer equality.
> 
> (btw the top part of my last post was suppose to be deimos, not me, oops)


uh, just joking , but heres what i see:
boy and girl takes turn to dominate. 
boy accidently dominates for the day he shouldnt.
girl end up dominating completely in the end.

;o!


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## inVeRted SpecTrum (Oct 3, 2009)

I think I have crushed your silly male fantasy. I'm sorry:frustrating:

however, taking turns also seems to be an acceptable alternative:wink::laughing:


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## Peege (Nov 16, 2009)

You definitely sound like I've felt before as well (and, thanks to it being winter, I'm kind of fighting falling back into that now, except this time around it's less "I'm not good enough for anyone" and more "Where do I meet someone dateable? They're probably also all either home alone or with just their small group of friends wondering why they can't meet anyone either..."). I don't know how this might apply to you, but the biggest thing that's helped me with my confidence in general (though I'm still shy around most people I don't know, or at least won't usually go up to a complete stranger and start a conversation...but baby steps, right?) is the research work I'm doing as a grad student. It just makes me feel like I'm actually accomplishing something and like what I'm doing is worthwhile on some level, and will make it so I can actually get a job someday... The point is, try to figure out what you can do to make you feel better about yourself, whether that's having a sense of accomplishment or simply learning to connect with your emotions better or whatever it might be.

A lot of people will probably just tell you that you just have to feel better about yourself and/or have more confidence, which, though true on some shallow level, is kinda useless advice and always made me feel as if they really had no idea what they were talking about but felt like they had to say something (or, worse, like they thought they were giving me some divinely inspired wisdom...but most of the time I think they knew it was just a platitude). What I'm saying is, ok, take that truism and figure out how to make it happen. Don't expect it to happen overnight either. What more happens is that you slowly feel a little better until, one day, you notice you can actually live in your own skin.

Side note - where did you all who met nerdy people after being done with school have it happen? My department is about 95% male, the school theater stuff I've done has been enjoyable but I haven't really connected with anyone there, and the science fiction group I tried out ended up being a bunch of people who, while interesting, were all at least 10-15 years older than me.


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