# Learning a hard truth, and what to do with it…



## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

For most of my life I’ve struggled with wanting to be accepted, and if not liked, at least respected. This comes from a childhood of living under constant threat of being turned over to the foster system, as well as consistent rejection by my peers. While adulthood has been noticeably kinder, for the most part I still feel like like an alien on a strange planet.

Where most of my adult peers seek to advance their careers, amass wealth and increase their social status, I have done none of those things. I’ve tried, but learned that I don’t possess the drive, ambition and ruthlessness to bring about those changes in my life. At first I did want those things, primarily because I thought it would bring what I wanted - acceptance and respect. Perhaps because my motivation was different, or I don’t have that ‘killer instinct’, I just couldn’t make those things happen. The lingering effects of childhood trauma could also be holding me back. As the years passed and the failures mounted, I gradually gave up on those goals. 

The hard truth is this…I will never get respect or acceptance in this manner, or from those kind of people. A thousand pardons if this is blindingly obvious to the casual onlooker, but it is a bitter pill to swallow. I will never achieve excellence in any field that such folks respect, and I’ve probably wasted a good part of my life with my half-assed attempts to do so.

Is it a lack of discipline? Perhaps. My intellect is not driven by success or money, but by sheer curiosity and novelty. While I find technology incredibly interesting, I can’t maintain an interest long enough in any one discipline to achieve true mastery. I’m a techno-nerd, a generalist whose knowledge is broad but somewhat shallow. And grinding through years of mind numbing books and lectures for a distant monetary reward is _not sufficient motivation._ A similar limitation applies to my other interests; my mind is too distractible and my motivation too weak for mastery of a single field.

What about that desire for that promised reward, respect and acceptance? That’s harder to explain. I simply think that at some level I knew all along that since I didn’t value the kind of things my ladder climbing cohort did, I would always feel like an outsider among them. (That’s not to say I wouldn’t welcome _some_ kind of success, but for whatever reason it doesn’t motivate me to the same degree as the investment banker who works 80 hours a week. Or the lawyer or doctor who devotes a decade of their lives to an advanced degree.)

So where do I go from here? I don’t really know. At my last job, my co-workers seemed to genuinely like me but management was not friendly at all. My motivations were alien to them, as were theirs to me. I didn’t give a hoot about drinking the corporate kool-aid, and I had a persistent habit of doing things my own way instead of following routine or approved methods. I still got the job done - just not the way they wanted it done.

And now without a job I have to ‘sell myself’ to prospective employers, something I truly hate because 1) I have zero self esteem, 2) it seems so damned fake and 3) it's an introvert's nightmare.

Interviewer: “Why do you want this job?” 
Fake Me: “So I can help your soul-destroying enterprise make millions by deceiving and manipulating the public!”
Real Me: “So I can fucking eat, thank you.”

Some have suggested starting a business or becoming a freelancer. While these may be viable for some, I would have to force myself on others with marketing tactics like cold calling, attending networking events, pestering friends, etc. And that also requires business skills like negotiation and bookkeeping that are very difficult for me. But in the end I may have no choice.

But now I have drifted off topic, and need to reel this post back in to my original thought. How do I move forward from the realization that most of what has come before was wasted time? Well not entirely wasted. I met some people, made a few friends, gained a varied patchwork of semi-useless knowledge, found and lost a love, and gradually became a more compassionate person. But moving forward, I’d like to find something more meaningful to do with my working life, and am at a complete loss on how to proceed.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Well I relate to you only in the sense of wasted time, figuring life out, and where to go from there.

While I view all of corporate stuff as bs that is just how I view most humans in general so that one does not get to me as much as it appears you. Although I have ethical conflicts with certain businesses and positions I held so I guess I do sorta get it a bit.

Just not the part about selling yourself. Mainly because to me needing to eat is a good reason to sell yourself. I'd say that if you cannot convince yourself you are deserving of selling your worth from the stand point of playing the game. Reconsider that you are worthy of happiness and in order to have happiness you need to be able to survive. My thought was more so instead of framing this the way you are, consider another lens. Instead of sell out or selling. Consider necessity, health, and happiness. 

You sound bummed. I hope you end up feeling better soon.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

@shameless Thanks for the thoughts. I guess I grew up with so much twisted BS that I developed a severe allergy to it. I've had to learn to tolerate it enough to bite my tongue at times, but there are times it's just too much. And as for my part, I strive to not spew it myself. That doesn't help the selling oneself angle.

If someone asks do you have X years of doing Y, I'll feel like a fraud if I did do Y for X years, but in a limited way, a long time ago, etc. And I'll feel it necessary to point out the fact so I won't get 'unmasked' if I do get the job. So for example, if someone asks "Do you have experience with Windows Server?", I'll feel compelled to answer with something like "Yes, but only installing Windows Server 2008 years ago." Something like anticipatory impostor syndrome I guess. And it's supremely difficult for me to emit an enthusiastic spiel about a company that makes widgets, or worse, makes/does something outright harmful.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

CountZero said:


> For most of my life I’ve struggled with wanting to be accepted, and if not liked, at least respected. This comes from a childhood of living under constant threat of being turned over to the foster system, as well as consistent rejection by my peers. While adulthood has been noticeably kinder, for the most part I still feel like like an alien on a strange planet.
> 
> Where most of my adult peers seek to advance their careers, amass wealth and increase their social status, I have done none of those things. I’ve tried, but learned that I don’t possess the drive, ambition and ruthlessness to bring about those changes in my life. At first I did want those things, primarily because I thought it would bring what I wanted - acceptance and respect. Perhaps because my motivation was different, or I don’t have that ‘killer instinct’, I just couldn’t make those things happen. The lingering effects of childhood trauma could also be holding me back. As the years passed and the failures mounted, I gradually gave up on those goals.
> 
> ...


You can either adapt and do what society expects to get your desired outcome or you can go against it and try carve your own path. You clearly lack the discipline to carve your own path as you've stated while simultaneously don't want to play by society's rules i.e do as your boss says, fall in line and stop making stuff harder than it needs to be. Not sure what to tell you, your strategy is a losing one. And please, stop with the "It's just not me" thing, most people don't like bending over backwards but do it coz they don't think they have the ability to carve their own path, they probably don't wanna be working 80 hr weeks and dealing with difficult clients etc... So they become a 9-5 wage cuck but at least they acknowledge it and do it.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

@ENTJudgement Perhaps some context is in order. Please consider the following compliment I got from the (outgoing) management a few months before I got canned. 

Building self-esteem after lifetime of criticism

So clearly my work was appreciated by some - or at least the prior director. And I'm willing to work hard, but only for things I consider worthwhile. As far as discipline...well there's this.









Social consequences of teetotaling


Teetotaling, for those who don't know, is the practice of abstinence from alcohol. I've always hated the taste of alcohol, and I also dislike the feeling of vulnerability and disorientation that comes with being drunk, or even just buzzed. So about 20 years ago, I stopped drinking altogether and...




www.personalitycafe.com





Does not drinking for 20 years count as discipline? Eh, maybe. Abstaining from something is a bit different than doing something.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

CountZero said:


> @ENTJudgement Perhaps some context is in order. Please consider the following compliment I got from the (outgoing) management a few months before I got canned.
> 
> Building self-esteem after lifetime of criticism
> 
> ...


You're essentially saying you do good work but don't want to "sell yourself" and don't mention your achievements as it looks "fake". What is "fake" about reciting what you've accomplished or achieved in the past? Theres nothing fake about it, its pure facts, if you're feeling fake its probably coz you're exaggerating or lying about your past accomplishments? It's like if I won gold at the 2008 Olympics in long jump, what is fake about saying that in a sponsorship interview with Nike?

If you only do what YOU think is worthwhile yet working under a boss then you're expectations are too high. The market decides what you work on, not you unless you want to go the route I said before of going against society and carving your own path, even then you're gonna have a shit tonn of other stuff u don't wanna do pop up like entertaining clients, accounting, law suits, admin shit, it never ends.

If you can NOT drink for 20 years then can you NOT get distracted, look at only what sparks your curiosity and focus on specializing in an area for 20 years? If you can't then your drinking discipline is essentially useless for what you're trying to achieve. 

I have ADHD too, I can't focus when I WFH coz of my ADHD, I get bored quickly then want to move onto something else etc... so I drive 1.5hrs each way to work everyday even when I don't have to just so force myself into an environment that forces me to focus more. I lose 3 hrs aday of leisure time but I get more work done.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

@CountZero I can sure relate to much of what you say.

I was probably one of the people who suggested self-employment or freelancing. You don't have to go to networking events or do cold calls.

I learned long ago that trying to network in person is a waste of time for me, as I don't have the right personality.

Others in my field thought it was necessary to use the phone, but I hate the phone so much, I didn't use it. No problem.

I got my clients through sending postcards in the mail. I enjoyed designing and writing copy for the postcards, and looking up the info on prospective clients. But that's me.

Colleagues also insisted that other things were necessary, for example, using contracts or asking for payment up front. I didn't do those things. No problems there either.

As for the bookkeeping, maybe you can hire someone. If you're a one-person business, you probably don't need an expensive accountant. If you do hire a bookkeeper, be sure they're trustworthy, as some are fly by night.

Or, start a business where things are so simple that the math and paperwork are a breeze.

You don't need to negotiate. You develop "policies," based on your own needs and abilities. The prospective client can like it or lump it.

For example, as I got older, I couldn't work as quickly, so I had to extend my turnaround times. Occasionally I'd agree to a rush job, but it didn't require any hard negotiation skills. I did it if I felt like it. An since all communication was by email, I had time to think about it.

I couldn't do the Pomidoro technique of 25 minutes on, 5 minutes off. That was too intense for me. I did 30 minutes on, 30 minutes off. Everyone is different, and you have to figure it out. Maybe for you it's being a tour guide for all your waking hours for a week, and then taking a month off.

I liked just about everything about my business. Not just the work itself, but also the marketing, the clients, etc. There were a few things I didn't much like, but it wasn't enough to make me suffer.

The main thing is to start from where you are. Your needs, your strengths, and the things you can't or won't do. This will lead you to the good fit.

Don't start from the other direction, trying to live up to criteria that you just can't meet.

I hope that helps. Good luck.


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## OrchidSugar (5 mo ago)

“Is this fucking play about us?”


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## ShushFox (3 mo ago)

This thread is a certified INxP moment.


islandlight said:


> @CountZero I can sure relate to much of what you say.
> 
> I was probably one of the people who suggested self-employment or freelancing. You don't have to go to networking events or do cold calls.
> 
> ...


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## Oaktree (2 mo ago)

Same struggle here. I could have written the OP. I absolutely loathe the corporate world. In my younger years, I wondered how I would ever find the one thing that I love so much I could never quit. Now in my mid 40's, I know that I have found it. It was always there, I just wasn't paying attention. But I'm still not sure I can even break in to the industry. That scares the hell out of me, because it is the only thing that has staying power in my life. But I persist nonetheless, because when I fall in love there isn't any falling out. Think about your life and the hobbies or interests you have that have never left you. That might be where you need to be. Hope you figure it out.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

Well it seems I have a chance to .... adapt I guess. I have an interview with a company tomorrow. They make something that I formerly considered objectionable, but am now kind of on the fence about. That means I don't oppose it, but I'm not exactly comfortable with or enthusiastic about it.

I also live in a part of the country where hunting and drinking are common activities, and even casual research on this company shows that this is part of their culture. As a result, I'm not exactly sure how to present myself, or if I'll be laughed out the door shortly after arrival. Oh, yeah sports too.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

I can’t really tell how…I just don’t get why ppl want to impress others who have nothing in common with you or shallow…Ive also never let my work/status be my identity…work isn’t my life, either…yes we need work…I feel a lot ppl let their work control their whole lives…when they have kids, where they live, what they allow or have time to enjoy…work becomes identity/ life revolves around work…I could never live that way and be happy. Like life is what happens in the little time btwn work…so sad.

i had jobs I hated…i never got the college early in life or I would of became smth I love doing like astronaut, archaeologists, oceanographer, zoologist, Native American historian, historian among other things… I work jobs I didn’t like, questions my morals…and save my money, joined the military USCG and got some experience with one of the fields I desire ( ocean/marine science ) , thru the military I got some college/ was in my thirties ..I now been taken classes to become one of my dream jobs…marine science/oceanographer…im working in the field for a few years now…and I love it so much ( when I’m not injury ) that I would spend all my time there…I love it, I would do it as a hobby but now I get paid for it…I never lost focus I deserve better than my other jobs I hated so much. I never try to climb the ladder but did have to play the game for awhile…taking jobs I hated…It sucked. I feel you there.

i really don’t know what to tell you Or so many ppl who are just like you…my heart goes out to you…I’ve always fought for free schools, so we may all become what our heart truly desire than just settling with what can pay the bills, or what comes our way…I had to for years and years deal with jobs I hated and I hated life so much..I don’t want others to have to do what I did just to survive, bc it does start to become your identity and your whole life … I learn to flip it, to use it for my advantage…when you love your work, working isn’t so bad…but few of us do what we love…I hate we have to have money to get the skills to make money…if you are poor you’re screw….so I hope one day, we will have schools, grade lvl that helps kids find what they love and what they are good at,(we teach the arts as much as the math and sciences) and point them to that direction and then have colleges free to everyone…investing into our future/ppl seems smart to me…having ppl do what fulfills them is good.

i wish you the best of luck, my answer I know didn’t help, but may you find purpose in how you would change yourself or the system…and be more the wiser and use that wisdom to help or warn the newer generations of these struggles …fight for their rights ( free schools, school reforms/ how we teach)…let others learn from your “mistakes” lack of a better word…your dream job may still be waiting…im in my 40s and just now getting to my dream job … believe…and if all else, thru all of it, do you still like yourself, who you growing to be…if yes, than you’re still winning the game….but yes unemployment sucks, working jobs you hate sucks…but if you do take a job you hate, don’t take it too seriously, take the inbetween moments seriously…you can’t live without money I know or even enjoy life if you can’t pay the bills …you may want to take a job to hold you over until you find smth you enjoy doing and work towards that until you do get to do what you love.
i know it’s hard to listen to positive stuff when surviving is day to day….worry runs the mind, for good reason…how can one enjoy the sunshine when they don’t know if they can afford to eat today or tomorrow …youre probably not down that low yet, but I’ve been there…so I get it.
pbut that’s all I got

good luck to you


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

MsMojiMoe said:


> i know it’s hard to listen to positive stuff when surviving is day to day….worry runs the mind, for good reason…how can one enjoy the sunshine when they don’t know if they can afford to eat today or tomorrow


Thanks for this. As you say, I'm not quite there yet, but I've been living (mostly) on rice and beans since I got let go, and the mortgage is past due. So the clock is ticking.

However since posting my OP, there has been some surprising movement in my job situation. I have 3 interviews scheduled over the next two days, and one recruiter trying to find a good time (in between those other interviews) to talk to me. The last one is the most exciting, since it would probably pay well and involve working with renewable energy. But..it would require relocation to the West Coast (of the USA). That's a 2000 mile move, but might well be worth it, financially and career wise.

I still have to somehow keep it together during these interviews and make a good showing. Between nerves, feeling fake, and trying to keep my thoughts straight, it's a tall order. And if I do poorly, my inner critic likes to get the knives out and really go to town. Fun stuff.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

What a strange 24 hours it has been. Last night I spoke to an old co-worker (from my last employer). He told me that he and at least one of my other co-workers had really struggled with my abrupt departure. He went on to say that he had actually _cried_ after I left. That's just...astonishing. It's making me re-think my feelings about 'acceptance' and that perhaps I'm just blind to what's right in front of my face.

Then today I had three interviews. Unlike other recent interviews, they went smoothly with no major faux pas on my part. I think I did well in all of them, but I didn't get that sense that I had locked up the position either. Still, I feel like I'm still in contention for all three jobs. As with most hiring processes these days, it will involve multiple interviews. Sigh. What happened to the good old days when you just had one interview with one guy, and you had the job...?


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## Oaktree (2 mo ago)

CountZero said:


> What a strange 24 hours it has been. Last night I spoke to an old co-worker (from my last employer). He told me that he and at least one of my other co-workers had really struggled with my abrupt departure. He went on to say that he had actually _cried_ after I left. That's just...astonishing. It's making me re-think my feelings about 'acceptance' and that perhaps I'm just blind to what's right in front of my face.
> 
> Then today I had three interviews. Unlike other recent interviews, they went smoothly with no major faux pas on my part. I think I did well in all of them, but I didn't get that sense that I had locked up the position either. Still, I feel like I'm still in contention for all three jobs. As with most hiring processes these days, it will involve multiple interviews. Sigh. What happened to the good old days when you just had one interview with one guy, and you had the job...?


This hit me. I left a job in 2017 and got so many calls and texts I was floored. And a damn gift basket arrived at my home. I didn't know how much I was going to be missed, it was almost too much for me.

Juxtapose that with first time encounters and I'm not sure I ever leave a truly positive impression. Or at least I don't get any kind of response that I'd interpret as such. When I get time to establish myself and relationships, I'm freakin Gold. But I turn into Pyrite around people I've never met.


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## Oaktree (2 mo ago)

Also, I hope you get the job.


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## 8080 (Oct 6, 2020)

Perhaps a little injection of vitalism is in order, from *Ciprian Vălcan’s* “The Philosophical Periods of Emil Cioran”:


*[ Life with a capital letter ]*

The ontological vision embraced by the young Cioran reflects his choleric temperament and his strong inclination towards a tragic heroism which values drive, abnegation, courage and power more than the refined sophistic games of the intellect or its subtle conceptual distinctions. This is precisely the reason why his perspective is not dominated by reflection on the countless variations that interfere in the relationship between existence and essence. It is not a meditation on pure being or on the way in which its various features can be determined by means of categories. Rather, it is entirely governed by the author’s interest in capturing the mystery of life. Life with a capital letter, Life as an ontological principle, is Cioran-the-thinker’s main preoccupation: he strongly believes that the central stake of his existence is its very consonance with the overflowing power of life, with its irrational and over-individual nature.

To Cioran, the background of existence is made up of dark transformations, chaotic and contradictory movements, incessant competition between creation and destruction, between imposing certain forms and necessarily surpassing them. The world is not harmonious, symmetrical, teleologically controllable; it is mastered by the merciless exigency of evolution and infinite transformation, by the cruelty of a process that develops fatally, with no purpose or reason: “The true dialectics of life is a demonic and agonic one, before which life appears as winding in an eternal night lit by phosphorescences meant to increase the mystery”. Cioran’s view on the anarchic tumult of life and its delirious and barbarous rhythm echoes the numerous Nietzschean texts which talk about the abyss of existence, about the terrifying magma that boils and stirs behind the temporary creations of the intellect so as to make daily life possible.

In Cioran’s case, this dramatic perspective upon the never-ending interplay of forces at the basis of existence instantiates a vision animated by tragic heroism, which opposes both the optimistic theories regarding the fate of the Universe and the often apocalyptical formulations of the pessimists. By rejecting passivity, monotony, resignation, Cioran tries to put forward a daring confrontation between life’s trials and the exalted reception of their consequences. If in Nietzsche’s case the proclamation of _amor fati_ is the consequence of his paradoxical idea of the eternal return and of the importance he attributes to the will to power, Cioran preserves the idea of a possible synthesis between optimism and pessimism, supposedly capable of surpassing them both.

The solution Cioran envisages for a fair integration in the cosmic rhythms resides in the intensification of living, the divinisation of life’s paradoxical cannibalism, the acceptance of the horrors and of the dynamic explosions in where the vital flux consists: “*My brothers, may your life be so intense that you should die and crumble against it. May you die of life! May you wreck your life! May you scream from the howls of the life inside you, may you sing in final songs the last whirls of your life!*”. This vital surplus, this enthusiastic entrance into the vortex of existence is the only way in which people can lead a dignified life. Grasping meaninglessness is not an excuse for despair, but the privileged means by which the individual grows stronger and decides to face the accumulation of events offered by his destiny with his whole being, without remorse or reserve. Since he is trapped inside the monstrous spectacle of the world, like a mere actor in the irrational cosmic drama, he simply enjoys living.

Feeling the absence of a philosophy ready to affirm the importance of life, the lack of that philosophy of _Yes_ already mentioned by Nietzsche, Cioran – who uses a rhetoric close enough to the lyricism of _Thus Spake Zarathustra_ – never ceases to proclaim the need for people to adore life, to become idolaters of living: “A thousand repetitions will be needed to state that Life alone, pure life, the pure act of living can be loved, that we hang onto nothingness by the thread of our consciousness”. From this perspective, the only capital sin is the depreciation of life, the blockage of its unconscious energy by means of rational mechanisms which question its meaning and tend to challenge its absolute value as a goal in itself: “Guilty consciousness is the result of willing or unwilling attacks on life. All the times that were not moments of ecstasy before life have added up to the infinite guilt of consciousness”.

The only way to capture the mystery of life is an exclusive orientation towards the procession of appearances, an attempt at exhausting their charm and tasting their concreteness and unending diversity by renouncing whatever contradicts the natural tendencies of individuals to fully assume their vital potential. The attempt to enter a deeper level of reality, to discover truths that escape the senses, in a horizon to which only reason – by means of its specific power to pierce through the veil of appearances – has access, these are all signs of mistrust in the transfigurative power of life, in its ability always to stage thrilling shows where the impenetrable destiny of humanity is at stake at every given moment. To Cioran, these attempts are all in vain: they can only spread a diffuse nihilism, an unexplainable disgust for living which refuses deciphering and forever keeps its mask, preserving its freshness and fascination: “There is no other world behind ours; nothingness hides nothing. Whenever you may dig for treasures, the digging is in vain: the gold is scattered in the spirit, yet the spirit is far from golden. Defame life by useless archaeologies? There are no _traces_. Who would have left them? Nothingness does not stain. What steps could have gone under the earth, when there is no _under_ ?“.

The implicit gnosiology to be discovered in Cioran’s texts corresponds to his vision of a universe made up of an anarchic agglomeration of forces and is clearly inspired by Nietzsche. It takes over all the key elements of the German philosopher’s conception of knowledge and truth. To Cioran, knowledge is a form of the predator instinct which governs the human being, a means by which it tries to expand its domination of the world, without displaying any special virtue or inclination apart from the will to dominate: “The instincts of the predator beast reveal themselves in knowledge. You want to master everything, to make it yours – and if it is not yours, you want to smash it to pieces. How could anything escape you, when your immense thirst pierces the ceiling and your pride arches rainbows over an abyss of ideas?!”.

In order to populate the universe with enough conceptual beings to mask the wilderness of the abyss that underlies the entire human existence, in order to hide the meaninglessness that mysteriously presides over the cannibalistic metabolism of life, one needs steadily to hang onto illusions, to project a screen of beliefs strong enough to allow the comfortable survival of the individuals without permitting them to glimpse the background drama, the furious spectacle of growing and shrinking, of being born and irrationally rushing towards destruction: “People believe in something in order to forget what they are. Burying themselves under ideals and cuddling in idols, they kill time with all sorts of beliefs. Nothing would hurt them more terribly than to wake up on top of the heap of pleasant deception, faced with pure existence”.

Like Nietzsche, Cioran notices the unitary nature of the productions of the intellect. They act as filters which prevent the perception of plural reality and the incessant evolution of all things, building the edifice of a stable world, homogeneous and identical with itself. If the world is in fact an infernal succession of sensations, a terrible carousel of always obsolete forms, a theatre of uniqueness and of the unrepeatable, our gnosiological apparatus constantly works on the skilful deformation of these aspects of existence. It suggests their replacement with a comfortable image, in which constancy, continuity, measurability, predictability are the main pillars that make people confidently believe that they are walking on safe ground.

The ossification of reality comes about particularly due to the language filter which tries to constrain possibly similar situations within the oppressive frame of identity. Thus, the linguistic sieve privileges levelling and standardisation to the disadvantage of a discontinuous vision that would precisely observe difference and the incongruities rendered perceptible by means of the senses. The mission of concepts is to pacify the world, to make it into a province of the self where there is no room for unpredictability or accident, where everything abides by the laws of reason, following their immutable order and refusing the interference of affectivity or sensitivity.

All these observations lead Cioran towards adopting the theory of truth proposed by Nietzsche. First, he notices that the truths people invoke represent nothing but a systematic effort to falsify reality and idolize a set of useful errors that make life possible, so that “living equals a specialization in error”. This type of truth organizes the whole process of individual accommodation to reality, eliminating with sombre voluptuousness the fictions that are struggling to disguise its veritable appearance. It is the type of truth which parallels the ‘truth-probity’ from Nietzschean fragments. Yet, if in the German philosopher’s case the main impulse behind this tendency is a terrible necessity to know the ultimate truth, “the real truth”, if its motive power is the passion for knowledge, things are different with Cioran.

For this type of investigation, the determining element is the diminished vitality that finds its expression within, endangering the survival of individuals because of its shortage of energy, a dangerous malady that menaces being: “Truth – like any minus of illusion – only appears in a compromised vitality. Unable to further nourish the charm of errors in which our life indulges, instincts fill the void with the disaster of lucidity. One starts seeing things for what they are and then one can no longer live. Without errors, life is a deserted boulevard on which one walks like a peripathetician of sadness”.


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