# Dealing with people that over talk others



## Blue Butterfly

I know you have experienced them or may even be one. You know those people that cut into the middle of your sentence and take over the conversation over and over again. And they leave you with little of no speaking room. I am looking for two kinds of information: (1) How do you deal with these kind of people? (2) If you are one of these people help me understand why you override conversations? What do you get out of it that could not be achieved by taking turns speaking?


----------



## InvisibleJim

Some people just seem to go on... and on and on.... and on and on and on.... you get the picture.



InvisibleJim said:


> I interrupt people because they feel the need to repeat themselves in a different way and then believe they are bringing a new factoid to the discussion via the medium of rebranding.


----------



## Blue Butterfly

InvisibleJim said:


> Some people just seem to go on... and on and on.... and on and on and on.... you get the picture.



Yep and I just want to stick a sock in their mouth to shut them up. But can't do that at work.


----------



## InvisibleJim

Hurting said:


> Yep and I just want to stick a sock in their mouth to shut them up. But can't do that at work.


Have you considered headphones at work; that's what I do. Unfortunately I still get interrupted by people who confuse my 'I'm wearing head phones, piss off' as the message 'I'm bored so I'm wearing headphones. Ask me about your work problem/social life/shoe fetish post haste!'

_Post Edit:_ You should be wary, Te users like ourselves do get offended when someone doesn't give us the chance to vocalise our thoughts in full; however we sometimes override others without thinking because we feel the need to get them out before they fizzle away. So be careful and look back at instances when you have acted in this way before even though you detest it; I know I have.


----------



## Chilln

If they are overbearing and annoying and won't shut up, I'll just ignore them and pretend to be listening. Usually they are so enraptured with themselves that they seldom seem to notice my mind is far away somewhere.


----------



## Blue Butterfly

InvisibleJim said:


> Have you considered headphones at work; that's what I do. Unfortunately I still get interrupted by people who confuse my 'I'm wearing head phones, piss off' as the message 'I'm bored so I'm wearing headphones. Ask me about your work problem/social life/shoe fetish post haste!'
> 
> _Post Edit:_ You should be wary, Te users like ourselves do get offended when someone doesn't give us the chance to vocalise our thoughts in full; however we sometimes override others without thinking because we feel the need to get them out before they fizzle away. So be careful and look back at instances when you have acted in this way before even though you detest it; I know I have.


When people do that to me I usually think very little of them after that. I tend to think they are not very intelligent and have irrational fears they are attempting to cover. I think we all do this to a small degree at some point or other. But I am talking about the kind of person that does this in every conversation. Or rather I say session of them forcing their words on me.




Chilln said:


> If they are overbearing and annoying and won't shut up, I'll just ignore them and pretend to be listening. Usually they are so enraptured with themselves that they seldom seem to notice my mind is far away somewhere.


Yes, I do the same thing a lot. And I imagine the person becoming as tiny as a bug and me squashing them to shut them up. They are so stupid that they never notice I have tuned out.


----------



## Irisheyes

I am married to an istj and between him and his family, they like to interrupt. I try 3 times to finish and do the 3 srtikes and you're out. I just stop talking altogether. If they really wanted to hear what I was saying, they would have been more considerate. Please don't be offended. I don't mean all istjs. Just from my experience. Oh, I being an infp, I process and talk a bit slower than they do...so I guess we have to find a middle ground somewhere.:mellow:


Hurting said:


> I know you have experienced them or may even be one. You know those people that cut into the middle of your sentence and take over the conversation over and over again. And they leave you with little of no speaking room. I am looking for two kinds of information: (1) How do you deal with these kind of people? (2) If you are one of these people help me understand why you override conversations? What do you get out of it that could not be achieved by taking turns speaking?


----------



## Blue Butterfly

Irisheyes said:


> I am married to an istj and between him and his family, they like to interrupt. I try 3 times to finish and do the 3 srtikes and you're out. I just stop talking altogether. If they really wanted to hear what I was saying, they would have been more considerate. Please don't be offended. I don't mean all istjs. Just from my experience. Oh, I being an infp, I process and talk a bit slower than they do...so I guess we have to find a middle ground somewhere.:mellow:



How on earth do you life with those kind of people? That would drive me nuts and it would not take long before I was out of there.


----------



## Aqualung

If I'm getting talked over at work (one on one) & I have to say something I'll repeat it until I get to finish & they eventually let me because they're tired of hearing me repeat the same half sentence. It has to be very important or I won't talk at all. Sometimes after a meeting at work I'll just email everyone with my input rather than battle them for air time. I've noticed that without a decent moderator sometimes a blathering idiot hijacks the meeting & puts us all to sleep for an hour. I wonder how they breath while talking non-stop? On my cell phone my wife interrupts me all the time. Annoying!! 3 times & I hang up. It works. :laughing: Sometimes I've actually said to her "I'm going to speak now & I would like to be able to complete my sentence this time. Are you ok with that?" Depending on her mood that's hit or miss.


----------



## Blackbird

Hurting said:


> I know you have experienced them or may even be one. You know those people that cut into the middle of your sentence and take over the conversation over and over again. And they leave you with little of no speaking room. I am looking for two kinds of information: (1) How do you deal with these kind of people? (2) If you are one of these people help me understand why you override conversations? What do you get out of it that could not be achieved by taking turns speaking?


I avoid them as best as I can. As the years go on, I've learned to just stop responding or giving any impression that I'm interested. Sometimes this is enough to make them go away. I still feel a little guilty because my mind is telling me everyone deserves to be listened to and respected, but if I don't feel those rights reflected back at me? I don't offer them.


----------



## benfoldsfive dude

Blackbird said:


> I avoid them as best as I can. As the years go on, I've learned to just stop responding or giving any impression that I'm interested. Sometimes this is enough to make them go away. I still feel a little guilty because my mind is telling me everyone deserves to be listened to and respected, but if I don't feel those rights reflected back at me? I don't offer them.


I let people just talk and talk, and when the conversation is quiet, something I say relates to a situation that happened a long time ago or wasn't even there to know. It pisses me off because I let everyone talk and when I want to talk, guess what?, I'm not heard. Best thing I can do is to stand back.


----------



## U-80

Hurting said:


> You know those people that cut into the middle of your sentence and take over the conversation over and over again. And they leave you with little or no speaking room. [...] How do you deal with these kind of people?


When they finally pause for a response, say: "Oh sorry... I was miles away. What were you saying?" That should learn 'em.


----------



## Blue Butterfly

Aqualung said:


> If I'm getting talked over at work (one on one) & I have to say something I'll repeat it until I get to finish & they eventually let me because they're tired of hearing me repeat the same half sentence. It has to be very important or I won't talk at all. Sometimes after a meeting at work I'll just email everyone with my input rather than battle them for air time. I've noticed that without a decent moderator sometimes a blathering idiot hijacks the meeting & puts us all to sleep for an hour. I wonder how they breath while talking non-stop? On my cell phone my wife interrupts me all the time. Annoying!! 3 times & I hang up. It works. :laughing: Sometimes I've actually said to her "I'm going to speak now & I would like to be able to complete my sentence this time. Are you ok with that?" Depending on her mood that's hit or miss.


That is a great suggestion to email the suggestion. That way no one can steal your ideas. But not not work well in with your wife. 
*
"I'm going to speak now & I would like to be able to complete my sentence this time. Are you ok with that?" * I am going to put that on my wall at work so I can remember that one. I love it!



Blackbird said:


> I avoid them as best as I can. As the years go on, I've learned to just stop responding or giving any impression that I'm interested. Sometimes this is enough to make them go away. I still feel a little guilty because my mind is telling me everyone deserves to be listened to and respected, but if I don't feel those rights reflected back at me? I don't offer them.



Not everyone deserves to be heard. They are not saying anything and they should be respecting others by not overloading us if we do not with to be overloaded.


----------



## Blue Butterfly

benfoldsfive dude said:


> I let people just talk and talk, and when the conversation is quiet, something I say relates to a situation that happened a long time ago or wasn't even there to know. It pisses me off because I let everyone talk and when I want to talk, guess what?, I'm not heard. Best thing I can do is to stand back.


That is the bad thing about people overtaking us quiet introverts. We don't get the chance to voice our opinions. That is bad in a work environment. In social situations I don't care since I will just get up and leave the person yapping. I don't mind being rude there. I don't need those kind of people in my life anyway.



rousse said:


> When they finally pause for a response, say: "Oh sorry... I was miles away. What were you saying?" That should learn 'em.


After reading this I could not stop laughing. I can imagine how that would make the other person feel. They spent all that time talking and that would make them know that I was not going to tuned in. Maybe that would get them out of my face for sure. 

I do tell them I could care less about what they were saying. That gets rid of them but don't work in meetings at work.


----------



## lantern

I say "I haven't finished what I was saying, I'd appreciate it if you could let me finish"
And if they still do it then I just switch off and ignore them.


----------



## Morpheus83

I'm sorry -- but did you just say something?

Oh -- and who wouldn't want to listen to the sound of my wonderful voice, my exciting experiences and my oh-so-fascinating insights? There was the time when I *blah blah blah blah blah* You should *blah blah blah blah blah blah blah* 

Oh -- and STFU everybody! You're all derailing my train of thought and besmirching my sacred insights with your profane words! :tongue:


----------



## Tongue Tied

InvisibleJim said:


> _Post Edit:_ You should be wary, Te users like ourselves do get offended when someone doesn't give us the chance to vocalise our thoughts in full; however we sometimes override others without thinking because we feel the need to get them out before they fizzle away. So be careful and look back at instances when you have acted in this way before even though you detest it; I know I have.


 I think this also can go for Fe. Je with Ni WANTS to vocalize all their thoughts in whole and will forget it if they don't say it right away. Meanwhile Je with Si gets really irritated by/ impatient w/ hypothetical speech and things they don't understand so they will cut people off in order to stop the nonsensical bs (in their perspective) and to get in what they want to say. However, almost all Je with Pi types get really ANNOYED with long drawn out conversation if we are in the "important information" gathering mode. This is probably more prominent w/ Je dominants.


----------



## notatumor

I'm not interested in this thread or the people in it at all.


----------



## U-80

notatumor said:


> I'm not interested in this thread or the people in it at all.


Your presence has certainly livened it up!


----------



## InvisibleJim

notatumor said:


> I'm not interested in this thread or the people in it at all.


Stop posting insults in threads. If I see another I will report you. When you eventually earn a banning you won't have this problem.


----------



## Chevelle

I feel you! I was just googling for suggestions on how to deal with people who talk over you when you're trying to talk! Now, each talker who does this is not the same. I can have a conversation with a friend where we're both talking (and listening) to each other simultaneously. Neither of us are offended. Then, there is the person who gets super excited about an idea or thought and they're not a selfish person, but they tend to interrupt when they get excited with an idea. This is actually quite common and this happens frequently. These folks do not bother me whatsoever. And I can imagine myself doing that, as well, being that I'm an ENFJ and my first function is extraverted feeling. If I am happy or thrilled about something, it will come out without filter! But then there are those folks who are very obviously doing the interrupting because they're trying to invalidate you, ignore what you have to say, or avoid listening as a mode of self-protection. THIS IS THE BEHAVIOR I have a hard time with. In fact, I have a hard time not raising my voice when this happens. My husband and his entire family do this behavior. It's VERY BAD and I don't think I've ever met any other people who do this worse! My MIL will just talk at you. My brother-in-law never asks people questions - just talks. But my husband is a nice, normal guy, however, when there's a disagreement, he has ZERO skills when it comes to having a normal back-and-forth conversation. He gets really defensive and just talks over you.


----------



## Chevelle

One more thought regarding my in-laws. So, my MIL will talk at you, like I said above. But she'll do what my husband does, too. She's not a very nice lady and she likely has either BPD or NPD (I went to a counselor to help me with her and the counselor said, "I can't diagnose her but this sounds like BPD). So, as you can see, she's already challenged in some ways. She can mean well, at times, but is hard to deal with overall because she's so emotional and, quite often, she'll randomly say mean comments and competes with you. She's an ESFJ - but only has the ESFJ bad qualities. Anyway, so, one time I had to have a conversation with her and I came in with compassion regarding what I had to say. She instantly got defensive and started talking over me. This was about something she did that was exceptionally rude. (My dad was having brain surgery and I had just found out and was distraught, and she screamed at me for not paying attention to her and was using the F word.) 

Anyway, she started saying SUPER mean things and just talked over me when I tried responding with a normal voice. Given the fact that I've been bullied by her for over 5 years, at that point, you can imagine my patience has worn thin, but I tried so hard to maintain a normal voice. However, she continued to talk over me - saying mean things and totally not listening to me whatsoever. The nicest thing she said was, "How dare you try to filter me." So, I pulled out the big guns. I told her that it was MY WAY or the HIGHWAY! And I screamed over her for the first time ever! She then started screaming over me even louder. And I screamed even louder (I was using my loudest bloody murder voice) and said, "DON'T YOU DEAR SCREAM AT ME IN MY HOUSE. YOU ARE THE RUDEST MOST SELFISH PERSON I'VE EVER MET. IF YOU CAN'T TREAT ME WITH RESPECT, THEN GET - THE - bleep - OUT - OF - MY - HOUSE." She got up. She threw (literally) her dishes in my sink. Then she sat on the couch and pouted. I got up and left, leaving my in-laws and husband in the house. I have not spoken to her in 1 1/2 years. My in-laws pretend like the conflict never happened, probably because they'd have to admit to themselves they have social problems. But anyway, I will see them at xmas this year. That should be interesting. 

People who talk over you and do it for selfish, rude, invalidating reasons ARE THE HARDEST PEOPLE TO DEAL WITH. People who accidentally do it, are too excited, or are more extraverted than introverted are just normal human beings. 

So, make sure to know the difference. And if you have the bad one on your hands, THEN I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!


----------



## Monsieur Melancholy

I think this is something that really pisses us INFP's off.

A lot of people I know, particularly a few of my mom's friends, are very loud and overbearing in conversation and are hellbent on pushing their opinions on you. I think the idea they have is that the relevance of your opinion is directly proportional to the volume of your voice.

And that to me is ridiculous. It's a telltale sign of someone with an inferior intelligence trying to feign superiority.


----------



## yesiknowbut

OK, I'm sorry, I am probably one of those people. If I do it it is because I am excited and have a lot to say, because ideas come thick and fast and if I don't get them all out I will forget where I started, and because I often know what somebody is planning to say but they are just too slow with it....maybe I have too much Ne. Maybe being the 4th of 5 children in a loud family.....If I see them button their lip and look annoyed I do stop and apologise, because I know it is annoying. But I find the slow expressers really hard to handle. Note I said slow expressers, not slow thinkers.....my highly intelligent ENFJ other can take an age to finish a sentence sometimes, he leaves a whole pause for seconds....between the beginning...of...the sentence....and the....the.............end. Aaaargh!

I don't take hints though, just don't get them. If I annoy you, please just say sometime, " it really upsets me when you talk over me, could you give me time to get my words out?" and I will behave as much as I can remember to, or apologise if I forget. Because I am a nice person, and actually I do care if I have upset people. If you button it and then bite my head off eventually, I will have no idea why you did that. I will start to avoid you because I think you are a bit weird and dangerous because you bite people's heads off without apparent provocation.....


----------



## Kittynip

I'm guilty of that occasionally. 
It's not intentional, though. If someone would let me know seriously and politely that what I'm doing is bothering them or is not cool, I'd definitely wait my turn and would appreciate it. I just don't realize sometimes. 

If someone is doing it deliberately though, maybe try the same tactic. It does publicly call them out. 
Hopefully the other people in the conversation will agree with you and carry on your previous topic from there.


----------



## Devrim

Either plainly express your discontent and open a channel of communications,
I find many times people don't realize this,
If they carry on?

Then just play their game


----------

