# Infp & intp



## Arekka

Lately I have been getting really weird acting towards my boyfriend (INTP), and I feel like I am getting on his nerves. like when we are talking over the phone, and computer, I keep getting these paranoid thoughts, thinking that he's tired of me, and I'm starting to irritate him. And then I get really tense and nervous, and start saying stupid stuff like, I will ask him if I have been annoying lately, or I'm sorry for being so paranoid, and a bunch of other stuff...

And its driving me crazy not knowing if he really is getting tired of me, and just doesn't want to hurt my feelings, and I have been getting really attached to him, but I rarely see him, and I want to see him, but I'm to scared to ask him to hang out. And me and him did go to the movies not to long ago, and and one other date...

I'm scared that I am getting to emotionally attached to him, and that its annoying him, and I try to control myself, but it feels like a dagger in my heart! And I found out that I am the jealous type... :frustrating: 

I will say something like..."I get really tense when i talk to you on the phone...scared i will say something bad, or embarrassing..." And he will respond as, "oookay..."

Would it really work out for me and him, am I getting on his nerves? He says he really likes me, and I have been VERY paranoid, to the point where I cry myself to sleep, from just being worried. Is there a way, that I can make myself emotionally stronger? And not get so tense from talking to him?


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## Trope

It seems like you're setting yourself up for failure via self-fulfilling prophecy at this point. Without knowing more, I can only put forth the assertion that you can probably take him at his word about what he thinks and feels. Maybe he needs to detach a bit to keep on an even keel, but that doesn't mean he's getting tired of you. 

Your other problem is that you're trying to hold yourself back from emoting all over his delicate thinker sensibilities. I wouldn't worry about that so much. He can either handle it or he can't. Just tell him how you feel and with any luck he'll make a point of trying to understand where you're coming from. Alternatively, you can point out that it wouldn't hurt matters if he attempted validate what you say with something a little more substantial than "oookay. . ."


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## ArenaHomme

Maybe you need to give him some space? You may honestly be emoting too much like Trope said but, what's the harm in being open and honest?
Even if you break up you should remember that relationships don't validate you the same way self confidence does. Get to know yourself better and believe that you can be as strong as you need to.


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## Arekka

I'm just scared that I will lose him. I really do love him, I just don't want to become obsessed with him, because that in my opinion would be a major turnoff. And I hope that he loves me too, but he did tell me that he has never felt this way about any other girl.

And he does come off unemotional, but I know he doesn't mean it, and I don't want to come off boring him in a conversation. It's just I love him so much, that it hurts. Usually I can figure guys out, but hes too complicated for me to fully figure him out. :crazy:


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## cryptonia

hmm...



Arekka said:


> I will say something like..."I get really tense when i talk to you on the phone...scared i will say something bad, or embarrassing..." And he will respond as, "oookay..."


This kind of stuff I don't think you have to worry about at all, especially If he's your age. I didn't think twice about relationships (well... I thought _about_ them, but only as ideas, and never thinking about myself in one or, ironically, the people involved) until I was about 17 or 18, and pretty quickly decided that I'd just make friends with those who I'd make friends with anyway, and wait to see what relationships would develop out of them naturally. That said, if someone developed an extreme crush on me and said something like that, I probably would have said the exact same thing until very recently (like... past few months--and I'm 20 now :tongue. It's really not intended to mean anything... it just means that he has no idea how to react. If I had to guess, he's worried more about how he's expected to react than he is about what he actually thinks about you, and the slow "ookay" is just to fill the conversation gap, for lack of anything else to say. This is almost certainly true if it's done in spoken conversation, but probably translates into online-talk too.

I pretty much stand by Trope's advice.... if he tells you that he thinks or feels a certain way, he's probably telling the truth. I would have said it's possible that he didn't know how he felt at all, but if he dd really tell you that he's never felt this way about another girl, that rules that out. I very, very, very strongly doubt he's just lying and putting up with you, though, and if he's anything like me, then he's probably just amazed and in awe of your emotional honesty. (and as a side note, it'd probably flatter him if you told him you're only worried about how he reacts to you because he's too complicated for you to figure out. I've always loved to hear that :laughing.




Arekka said:


> I'm scared that I am getting to emotionally attached to him, and that its annoying him, and I try to control myself, but it feels like a dagger in my heart! And I found out that I am the jealous type...





Arekka said:


> Is there a way, that I can make myself emotionally stronger?





Arekka said:


> I'm just scared that I will lose him. I really do love him, I just don't want to become obsessed with him, because that in my opinion would be a major turnoff.


Everyone's the "jealous type" to some extent, and especially if you're an INFP, you're _going_ to get very strongly emotionally attached. If you don't mind the question: if strong emotional attachments are really a problem for him, then why do you want to keep him anyway? Relationships are one of those things that really, really aren't worth settling for... and you can't suppress the intensity of your attraction forever (plus, it'll be far, far more fulfilling if you find someone who loves you for it). Judging whether things would be attractive to others, and trying to conform yourself to them, really might be a source of stress in itself for you.

I suppose this just goes back to what Arena said, that relationships don't validate you (it's a good thing to remember even if you _do_ stay together). She's quite mature, and I'd second that caution.

Good luck... you have quite a bit going for you, and I don't think you should worry about holding on to him at all :wink:. If you do want some more insights into an INTP mind, though, Help! (INFP...) (Fallen hard...) - INTP Forum might have some insights into INTPs and the way they show attraction. You could make a thread there too though, if you wanted, and I'm sure they'd try to help you more specifically as well.


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## Arekka

> It's really not intended to mean anything... it just means that he has no idea how to react. If I had to guess, he's worried more about how he's expected to react than he is about what he actually thinks about you, and the slow "ookay" is just to fill the conversation gap, for lack of anything else to say.


Yea, I got up enough courage to ask him about that, and he said that was the reason. I guess its because when he does say "ookay", its about the subject we are talking about, and that's when I try to find something more interesting for him, and that's when hes more talkative. 



> If you don't mind the question: if strong emotional attachments are really a problem for him, then why do you want to keep him anyway?


I'm not quite sure if that is a problem, hes never really mentioned it. I guess its just all in my head. :crazy: I always seem to assume that people don't like me, and I do tend to come up wrong. But he does mean a lot to me, I am seeing him later on today. (Since its valentines day and all :blushed And he seems interested in me coming over. :happy: So I will just have to see how things go from there.


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## Everett Marx

I don't know about your boyfriend, but I'm an INTP who has a *lot* of trouble on the phone. Friends tell me that I'm fine for a bit and that I suddenly "zone out." I really don't like the phone and it shows after a few minutes. Your boyfriend may be less comfortable with the phone with you are and get his 'fill' of contact that way much sooner than you do. 

Just a thought.


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## Ikari T

Don't overthink about him. Sometimes you have to let go of your emotions. The more you cling on to him, the worse the relationship gets.


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## TheHappyMinority

hmm... i just posted a thread about why on Earth i find INTPs intriguing, not in a romantic sense. But it is interesting that INFPs can feel stimulated (get your minds out of the gutter) by comparitively, emotionally withdrawn personality types. 

In your case it could be classic man cave stuff. He retreats to the cave of escapism and don't talk to me'ism until he is darn well ready to come out. He may never talk about why he was in the cave. Perhaps he just needed to chill? The more you push, the more he will feel like he wants man cave and will never be satisfied until he has his fill of blissfully uninterrupted man cave time.

Hopefully there was at least a slither of sense in there


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## thehigher

*im in a relationship with an intp*

so ya i had the same problem in my relationship. i eventually started acting like an entj and ...ya she went crazy for me. but ...that said....she was into me before i did that. its just i got too insecure and thought she didnt like me so i acted like mr entj. Um ya....her being a thinker....and you being feeler....im willing to bet that your giving him characteristics which he does not actually posses. Do you imagine him in your head?....of course you do ....alota people do....and your an infp. But when you imagine him ....are you picturing him or your IDEA of him. Point is.....your prolly acting like each others perfect match. Ie yours is somewhere around enfj and his around a entj. So since neither one of you are extroverted and you both will prolly fundamentally disagree on deep subjects due to you different methods of deciding things....id say your convos are prolly akward....forced....a little off. Id say his lack of empathy and feelings may make you uneasy. He DOES have feelings though. And id be willing to bet they are quite strong. My intp girlfriend was VERY emotional....however she could think over that quite well. It appeared like she was ignoring the problem or....not being honest with her situation when really she was just trying to be practical and find the truth. She thought i was making excuses when i explained why i act the way i do and why i care so much although it doesnt appear that way to her......SOOO

intps and infps are mystery. ive been in this relationship for a year and....its crazy. be careful. were addicted to each other cause we keep acting like each others match (sorta -ie- ENFJ/ENTJ- pretty similar eh? ya cept for one minor but dramatic difference.)

i dunno im babblin. i love intps though. they seek truth. which is very "moral". INFPs appreciate that.


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