# So



## catfsilv (Nov 27, 2014)

Just wondering if any of you have had friends that were depressed os doing self harming. If so how did you discover it? Did they told you? Or you discovered by yourself? Like were there any signals that made you think they were in a bad place


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

I had one who did it because he thought it was cool. I told him to fuck off and get a real problem.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

I did it once because I was radically trying to detach myself from things like pain. So I would hold a hot coal in my hand... I was in the deep end, though. I don't suggest self-harming.


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## ClarityOfVision (Mar 3, 2013)

I always appreciate a bit of backstory in these threads. Why do you want to know? Is something happening in your own life?


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## catfsilv (Nov 27, 2014)

ClarityOfVision said:


> I always appreciate a bit of backstory in these threads. Why do you want to know? Is something happening in your own life?


Well to be honest i am the "friend" that i am talking about. I have been in a bad place, and i started cutting myself. And i dont talk about my problems with no one. So they obviously dont know whats going on in my head. But sometimes i just wish they saw my arms, or understand that i am a wreck, that i am not well. without me telling them. Because i am positive i wont tell them i'm just not capable of telling anyone, the words wont come out of my mouth. And if i start texting my friends about me when i am really needing someone who cares i will end up just deleting it. I just cant do it. I am afraid of their reaction and i am not prepared for it. So i just keep it inside. Does this answer your question?


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

I know very few people who actually self harmed, and I mean true self harm, not just attention seeking. The kinds of people who slash and gash and burn their thighs, where people are not likely to see. With one of them I found out because we were playing, running around, and without falling or hitting himself with anything, his thigh started bleeding through his pants. I immediately knew what was going on and just didn't ask and walked with him home.


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## catfsilv (Nov 27, 2014)

Diligent Procrastinator said:


> I know very few people who actually self harmed, and I mean true self harm, not just attention seeking. The kinds of people who slash and gash and burn their thighs, where people are not likely to see. With one of them I found out because we were playing, running around, and without falling or hitting himself with anything, his thigh started bleeding through his pants. I immediately knew what was going on and just didn't ask and walked with him home.


Just wanted to tell you something that i wish would change your mind. You say that true self harm is only those bad cases when they dont show what they are doing. Wrong. Every case of self harming is equally bad. Atention seeking or not. Just think: if the person who does it for attention is desperate enough to do that to himself/herself is because something is wrong with them. And if you ever had a friend who did it for "atention" and you thought that it is not importante because of why they did it, then i am sorry but you are a terrible friend


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

I used to do it. I have a friend who told me once she did it.. we don't really see each other that often but earlier in the year we met for a catch up and she was showing me her tattoos and she had to lift up the sweatband covering her wrist for some reason I can't remember and I saw fresh scars there. Obviously she felt comfortable me catching them there or she wouldn't have done that but I didn't say anything. A person who is depressed enough to do something like that doesn't need to hear how damaging it is. They just need to be accepted and loved. That was how I quit- learning to accept and love myself.


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

catfsilv said:


> Just wanted to tell you something that i wish would change your mind. You say that true self harm is only those bad cases when they dont show what they are doing. Wrong. Every case of self harming is equally bad. Atention seeking or not. Just think: if the person who does it for attention is desperate enough to do that to himself/herself is because something is wrong with them. And if you ever had a friend who did it for "atention" and you thought that it is not importante because of why they did it, then i am sorry but you are a terrible friend


I agree with this. There is a lot of shit about people who self-harm for attention but no one ever thinks that such attention-seeking behaviour in itself means there is something very wrong.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

catfsilv said:


> Just wanted to tell you something that i wish would change your mind. You say that true self harm is only those bad cases when they dont show what they are doing. Wrong. Every case of self harming is equally bad. Atention seeking or not. Just think: if the person who does it for attention is desperate enough to do that to himself/herself is because something is wrong with them. And if you ever had a friend who did it for "atention" and you thought that it is not importante because of why they did it, then i am sorry but you are a terrible friend


I don't give a fuck what you think of me. But thanks for the try. Doing it hidden is worse because people who hide it are less likely to get help than those who do it for attention. Have a nice day.

EDIT: I've never met someone who caused visible self harm who wound up killing themselves, but two who nobody ever knew they self harmed until after they were dead.


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## catfsilv (Nov 27, 2014)

Diligent Procrastinator said:


> I don't give a fuck what you think of me. But thanks for the try. Doing it hidden is worse because people who hide it are less likely to get help than those who do it for attention. Have a nice day.
> 
> EDIT: I've never met someone who caused visible self harm who wound up killing themselves, but two who nobody ever knew they self harmed until after they were dead.


I didnt mean to make you misunderstand. I am just trying to make you understand that wathever the case is, it means something is very wrong in their heads. and need help


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## ClarityOfVision (Mar 3, 2013)

catfsilv said:


> Well to be honest i am the "friend" that i am talking about. I have been in a bad place, and i started cutting myself. And i dont talk about my problems with no one. So they obviously dont know whats going on in my head. But sometimes i just wish they saw my arms, or understand that i am a wreck, that i am not well. without me telling them. Because i am positive i wont tell them i'm just not capable of telling anyone, the words wont come out of my mouth. And if i start texting my friends about me when i am really needing someone who cares i will end up just deleting it. I just cant do it. I am afraid of their reaction and i am not prepared for it. So i just keep it inside. Does this answer your question?


Yes, this answers my question. Thank you for sharing the backstory. I think telling us this helps us to understand where your question comes from and thus enables us to assist you to the best of our ability through the forum.

If you want them to see your arms, show them your arms. If you want them to know you’re not well, tell them you’re not well. You think you’re not capable of telling anyone, but this is a barrier that you put up for yourself. Of course, you can tell people, and if you are afraid of their reaction, I can only say: If they say you’re attention seeking you obviously have the wrong friends. People can pick up signals, but they cannot read minds. You have to give off some signals in order for people to notice something is wrong. I get the idea you’re in a dark place, and I’m sorry you’re in that place. However, you also have to take charge somehow. In life nothing happens without action. Without action, no reaction. Wallowing in the dark place and feeling sorry nobody notices you is not going to help you. 

I understand it’s not easy and that it’s difficult to manage, but asking for help from just one person will improve your situation tremendously because you are not alone in this. You have people around you. You have friends. If there’s something I’ve learned in the past months it’s the value of the people around me. You have to trust them a bit more. It’s okay if you cry, it’s okay if you have an emotional breakdown while telling them the story. You’re afraid, but you have to overcome fear in order to get out of this. The first step: Telling people. Or showing it to them for that matter. Wear a short t-shirt showing your arms. You won’t feel comfortable with it, but it will show them.

I hope I could be of some assistance, if you need anything else let me know


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## ebbn (Nov 25, 2014)

I used to self harm myself. And commited suiced few times..but im still here.. at that point one feels to be sanctioning himself, or a way to get rid of accumulated stress, if they are in depression they might do it most likely at nigh or when alone and having the black thoughts im head..they might talk to u in a way that they dont give shit about anything or act weird.


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## TheProphetLaLa (Aug 18, 2014)

I have a friend that self-harmed when she was younger. She told me about it herself. When people tell me things like this I just try my best to listen and be there for them. Thats really all you can do. Telling them its bad or stupid isn't really effective because chances are they're already well aware of that.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

ScarlettHayden said:


> I agree with this. There is a lot of shit about people who self-harm for attention but no one ever thinks that such attention-seeking behaviour in itself means there is something very wrong.


True that, it does feel very disrespectful at first, especially if you've gone through the thing they are faking and you feel like they're making light of it but those people are hurting and should not be disregarded.

In fact, people who fake something like that are classified as mentally disordered.


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## thurisasTale (Jan 17, 2015)

I have actually both done self-harm myself and has friends who's done it. I know how bad it is and that every case should be acknowledged and treated. For as you say, if someone goes as far as hurting themselves there is something wrong even if they do it for attention. For the thing is, that those people are most likely seeking that attention for a reason.

I don't really know what this dark place you talk about is (sorry if it's obvious in any way, I tend to be quite the idiot when it comes to things that should be obvious like that) but what I take from my own experiences when it comes to stuff like this is that the best way to do is talk. Talk to an understanding person that will give you encouragement and friendliness. I know it may be hard, I had a really hard time myself when it came to opening up to someone about my problems. I spent a long time, a year I think it was, trying to get someone to see just how bad I felt without success. At last I finally told my dad and finally got help. Well, now this is not about me so let's leave it there but I suppose you get my point. You can go for a long time waiting for people to notice how big and heavy your backpack is but the thing is that not many people notice until you have fallen over from exhaustion or pointed it out. Now, as I said I know it may be hard to talk about it but you can make some things to make it all so much easier. Writing is not as hard as talking for example and that is a good way to start. H*ck, you already have! And if you have any other way to express yourself, painting, dancing or singing for example it is also great! The worst thing you can do right now is keeping everything locked up inside yourself. If you want to you can message me here or ask for my name on another social network and I will do what I can to help. 

I am sorry for all the horrible grammar and typos but it's really late where I am located at the moment so, yeah, I suppose you get it. Either way, know that there are people who wish to help you and want to see you get better. All you have to do is take the first step and reach out.


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## StranGaaa Danjjja (Jan 6, 2015)

Self harm is just that Done it in front of others and they just laugh or trip out

a few crazy ods also 

dont trip find youre self that dark you see is all you in order to see color you must try

email me if you want to talk 

been super depressed for many years finally have a grasp on it maybe just talking can help out


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