# What the fuck is wrong with me?



## alexande (Jan 8, 2012)

You Sir Name said:


> they work the same way that men work; aka unpredictably because no two are exactly the same


Men or woman that are successful with the opposite sex have learned techniques from experience. I would definitely say both men and woman are very predictable when it comes to sex.


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## princessJAY (May 25, 2011)

Any time we start requiring _other people_ to behave xyz so we can be happy, we are going down a wrong path. On that path lies misery, disappointment, anger, blame, and lack of responsibility to ourselves.

Here's the basic truth in life: we can't control other people. We have control only over ourselves -- our actions, how we deal with our feelings and thoughts. Ultimately, we are responsible for finding our own happiness, life choices, and destiny. 

Your posts resonate with pain and misery and frustration. You are in a dark place right now, and it is understandable how you arrived here, and it will be a long journey back toward the light. Perhaps you need a hug. Perhaps you aren't ready yet to hear the truth in all the advice given so far.

From your posts, I observe: you seem to believe that because you have feelings and desires, the universe should listen and make these come true. Occasionally, you put forth some effort toward your goals. Other times, you avoid the objects of your desire, yet still believe the universe owes you for having suffered. When the universe does not, you feel disappointed, frustrated, and betrayed.

Unfortunately, the universe is one cold-hearted bitch, a birthday is like any other day in the year, and we're all merely atoms existing for an instant in an infinite universe. None of us gets special treatment; just some basic tools to start and carve out a path of our own.

If you want love, the only thing to do is give love. Freely. _Selflessly. _With no strings attached, expecting nothing in return. You seem to be at such a point now that everything you do with women you expect something back. You talked with a girl about zombies and connect, but instead of taking pleasure in finding another human with similar interests, you take it to be a sign that she _should_ reciprocate your feelings. You flirt with a girl, and instead of enjoying it for the casual pleasure such things can be, you blame her for leading you on and not wanting sex. You gave your ex a gift, and instead of being happy at your own astute gift-giving so that she still uses it 8 years later, you feel this means she owes you birthday sex.

You're trying. I hear you. But the point isn't how _hard_ you try. Rather, strive to find our commonality as fellow _human beings_, with our own hopes and pain and hidden thoughts. Once you can do that, you will be able to easily relate to women -- not as frivolous beings constantly out there, taunting you with their sexual withholding -- but just people. And once you are able to _befriend _women, trust me, you will have no problem getting laid, or even, find true love.

Good luck.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> What the fuck is wrong with me?


Nothing, damn-it!


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

meltedsorbet said:


> Look--I may seem like I missed the point. I often do that for good reason.
> 
> But, to answer one of your queries honestly: I think you have some issues with anger and repression. You seem to be missing the fact that girls are actually just plain old humans like you. Yes! Girls=you.
> 
> ...


Yes, you did miss the point and now you're claiming very extreme notions that have no place in a rational conversation. We really aren't all in the same boat, girls don't have it nearly as hard when it comes to getting laid. However it's not nearly as important to them either. Then again water isn't as important to me as it is to a man in the dessert if you catch my drift.

It's not that I hate women or charles or doug. Okay maybe I hate doug and charles but it's mostly cause they're assholes and do shady things on a regula... that's beside the point. I'm pointing out doug in charles to say that there is apparently something girls will be consistently attracted to. And this thing that girls find attractive isn't being a good person. I've been a good person all my life, so it's FUCKING FRUSTRATING when this doesn't pay off at all and some jackass gets what he wants all the time everytime.

I'm more angry at the world and at life than women or charles and doug.
Now, it's rather silly to think there's something like some whistle that'll bring all the girls in the world to me. 
It makes sense to think of things like this: Most people don't like getting punched in the face. If you punch people in the face it's a sure fire way to piss most of them off. Most people like it when you listen to them bitch about their problems without being judgmental. 

Considering there are many things that most people do and don't like and there are guys like Charles and Doug who seem to get all sorts of different girls than it goes to reason that there are things that most girls are attracted to and things most girls are unattracted to.

Are you getting this concept?

Also saying "A lot of people don't... blah blah blah" doesn't really help when someone's upset. Knowing that your day is shitty isn't making mine any better.



You Sir Name said:


> exactly! which is why it's ignorant to do things like reading PUA books. all that shit does is make you even more insecure and give you terrible tips that almost never work. it's a book that treats women as all the same. (I'm writing this from a mobile device, so my wording is a bit lacking)


Okay, so have you ever read one of those books?
I get the feeling you haven't and you're making judgments about something you know very little about. This is my guess cause you don't seem very knowledgable about the subject. And your views seem very extreme and blinded.




> "Girls never help you out when shit gets awkward. They don't tell you what you did wrong."
> "I don't know what women want."
> "But seriously this is something I need to figure out, the whole what women like in a guy thing."
> 
> ...


Reminds me. I'm going to have to make my MBTI hidden. This way I'll get less people, like you, who don't listen to what I actually say and respond because of four letters I have written up there.




> Cisgender - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Quick summary with a timeline. yey!!!!
Roughly 2009 [maybe 2008]. One day I went to a 24 hour coffee shop that I frequent and ran into my friend Mike who wanted to play hacky sack. We didn't have a hacky sack and neither did any of our friends. So I made a box out of paper and filled it with dirt. We needed tape to make sure the dirt didn't come out. Wait, to rewind a bit, I asked this random redhead for the paper. She was sitting on her laptop doing homework or whatever. So, we asked her for tape. 

We're outside playing hacky sack and we both thought she was cute but didn't really know what to say. So we invited her to play hacky sack with us. She was too busy with her homework she said. So we just kept playing and eventually she came out for a cig and started playing with us. I go home at some point and so does Mike and the random redhead chick, who was pretty cute.

I run into readhead about a week or two later while I'm in the woods. She's with a few friends and she remembers me as the guy who made the paper hacky sack. Her friends wanted me to hang out with them. I wanted to ask for her number but I was feeling kinda shy and she didn't seem that into me, so I just enjoyed the day. One of redhead's friends, Amythist, asked me for my number though and she thought I was cute... sigh. I gave it to her, but said I wasn't really into Amythist.

So my and Amythist hang out and go to the woods to walk about and get really drunk when she randomly asks me "Nick, do you like Amy?" I was confused. I didn't know who Amy was, but I figured it's gotta be one of Amythists friends from the last time we hung out. "Uh... I'm really bad with names, who's Amy again?"
"Crazy curly redhair."
"Oh, her. Well, I think she's cute and I like hanging out with her."
"She's single, we should all hang out sometime."

And so, Amy, the redhead with crazy curly hair came to hang out cause Amythist called her. While we were hanging out I asked for her number.


So, I call Amy up about 4 days of being scared to call her up cause I wasn't really sure what to say. I asked if she wanted to watch a movie. She said "Sure, I'm free on wednesday, what about you?" I was busy on wednesday and... well to shorten this we eventually settled on thursday.

We're hanging out watching a movie and she asks if I like Vodka. Which I love. We're at her house btw. So we both get trashed off this vodka she has and she's teaching me to hula hoop in her back yard, which is kinda fun. I star telling her about mbti which she finds fascinating. And we're looking at the stars and make up our own constelations.

I lean in and kiss her. Then I asked her out. She said yes.
People that day wondered what the hell happened to me cause I had the most happy chipper voice they said. My friend Aarond said I must be a different person.

Well... Fast forward to three days later.
Okay, let's rewind first to about 3 weeks ago when I met Ed Stobbe. Ed was cool, didn't know anyone in town, I introduced him to a lot of people, blah blah blah, ed seemed pretty cool.
Okay, three weeks and three days after I met ed.

Amy wants to go to the woods with me and I'm hanging out with Ed so I tell her to come along. We all have a fun fucking time. Fanfuckingtastic really. Then at the end of the day she tells me she's breaking up with me.

2 more weeks of me, her, and ed hanging out and doing fun stuff all the time. Then Ed out of the blue isn't talking to me anymore. He's always busy. Amy's always busy too. They're very vague about these sorts of things. Probably cause they're dating and don't want me to find out about it.

Well, I stopped talking to Ed and Amy. Never wanted to speak to either of them again. Ed began to spread malicious rumors about me in the coffee shop and I kinda stopped hanging out there and didn't bother to defend myself either.

Unfortunately Amy and my sister were friends and liked to talk on facebook or text each other.

2011 roughly. I go to something my sister going on and Amy's there.
I try to avoid her this whole time but she feels awkward cause she doesn't really know anyone but me and my sister. So I start talking to her. She asks if I wanna hang out the next day. Fucking... whatever, I go hang out with her. We keep on hanging out. And it hits me that I'm in love with this girl and I really don't want to be.

I tell her I don't wanna hang out anymore, but she always finds a way to get me to anyway. She apparently likes me but "has been hurt too much to date anyone." I'm in love with her and really don't want to be. And there's that time I told her and ed "I'm got this sharp pain in my back... oww!! fuck!! God... feels like someone put a knife in there."
That was funny... but the point is I don't really trust Amy.


So... then there was Taylor who I met at the soup thingy. She was cute and seemed kinda cool and I'd known her for all of three weeks or so. And there was Ali, who I had a good conversation with who was also pretty cute and kinda cool. 

And this is how this I'm in love with someone but also like these other girls thing pops up. Also explains a little bit why I don't wanna be friends with girls I like. 




> people *are* different, though there tends to be a general way that most people are. you're an INTJ, and I've never met an INTJ in real life, but I have met maaaany an ESTP.
> lots of people really take comfort in familiarity, even if its damaging; think the pointless social norms, like men holding doors open for women (not harmful, but a social norm), smaller men/taller women being picked on by men and women (a social norm, and harmful), homophobia (harmful, duh), etc
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah... I'm going to remove that INTJ tag.
btw, contrary to popular belief... oh screw it. INTJ's aren't really a minority. Nor are introverts.



Laguna said:


> When we focus so much on meeting someone (and even more specifically, the desire to have birthday sex), you don't realize how much of this vibe gets put out to the world. Please don't disregard this. We all want warmth and companionship in our lives and sex on our birthdays. But I ask you to try to step outside yourself for awhile- and try something you never tried before. What do you have to lose? (And please don't take your own life. Every life is valuable and your happy moments will come. The harder moments make you a stronger man.)
> 
> For the next few months, focus on being the best *you *that you can be in terms of being selfish- and focusing on things that make YOU happy. Not things that you think might attract girls .... things that might get you laid etc. Put girls out of our mind for now (I know it's easier said than done.) but what I mean is, take your power completely back from the female race. Make it all about you.
> 
> ...


Saying "I don't think you want to attract girls who are... blah blah blah" is like telling a thirsty man in the dessert "Oh, no you don't want tap water, you need..." 
Really I wouldn't mind having sex with a lot of attractive girls. I'm not dating them I'm just having sex with them and this would be lots of fun.

But, I've actually done what you've said. The whole just working on me thing.
Not even cause I wanted to get laid or find a girlfriend. I just wanted to have better things. I do this now. I have lots of hobbies and all that other good shit. But no one fucking care for me anyway.

I work out cause I like to be in good shape and like to do active things. I write, I draw, and it's all fading into a meaningless grey void where I just don't enjoy anything I do.
I want to enjoy my piano, but I just don't have the heart. 
I want to forget about women and just enjoy life but I'm always reminded.

Finding something to do that makes me happy really hasn't worked. It's social skills and what does and doesn't work with girls that I need to learn.




bigtex1989 said:


> I have been reading, and here are some things you might want to look at.
> 
> To "pick-up" women, have better things to do than pick-up women. My number 1 priority when I go out is to have fun and meet interesting people. 99% I meet my goal. I was at a bar, and talked to this dude for 6 hours. Did I get laid that night? Not at all but it was good conversation. He really got it. I've also talked to a chick for several hours. Did I get laid that night? Nope, but she was interesting and a pleasure to talk to. So get a life man, or a hobby, or anything. Maybe take up ballroom dancing. Work on yourself and the people will come later.


So, are you aware that you mentioned your end result was the same as mine?
That you didn't get a girlfriend or get laid. Just throwing that out there.



> You don't deserve anything. You don't deserve a woman's help when things get awkward or whatever else. On the flip side, she doesn't deserve anything either. When you first approach, there is no implied contract of what you two must give each other. Just be yourself, try to have a good time and a good conversation and it'll work out. If the conversation isn't fun, LEAVE! Don't waste your time if you aren't having fun.


Yeah... You clearly don't know me very well. That I don't bother with conversations that aren't fun nor do I try to make a girl like me through force.
I never said that I deserved anything. I said it's frustrating that there is no help. It's more frustrating to know that a women will notice what it is that's making things awkward for the guy and will be a cunt and not help. I think of it this way cause when I notice others are having an awkward time I don't just sit be and not help out when I don't have to put very much effort of mine to make their life easier.



> Don't be desperate. People (and especially women) can smell it a mile away like sharks and blood. This screams out "don't interact with me"
> 
> Rejection is not a commentary on your self worth. You can't be right for everybody just like everybody isn't right for you. Don't take it personally.
> 
> ...





Swordsman of Mana said:


> @_Chimerical_
> ever looked into the enneagram? you seem to have some deep seated psychological demons that are causing you distress here. looking into the enneagram might prove useful


Vaguely... didn't really care for it



Torai said:


> I understand if you want to have a fun birthday, but there are many ways to have fun that are not sexual. Sex can be a nice birthday gesture from a significant other, but by no means is anyone entitled to give you that exact gift. Plus, I've heard begrudging sex is generally crappy.
> 
> My mother died on my birthday, and the fact is, nothing could have made me feel better or have fun on that day. Birthdays should be fun, but they sometimes aren't, and that's a fact of life.


Well, your mother dying on your birthday doesn't make mine any less shitty. Nor do the kids starving in africa my my mood feel any better. Saying [insert something that's worse that what happened or considered worse] usually implies that someone takes a sadistic pleasure out of hearing about your pain, which is pretty insulting. And semi-manipulative.

My birthday is actually my least favorite day of the year. It's supposed to be fun, but here's a list of things that have happened: I asked a girl out for homecoming when I was 17. She said no cause she was going with the foreign exchange student, who was on the soccer team with me. Who was the guy who suggested that I stop being shy and ask her out to the dance. On my 18th birthday I was in the game for 3 mins [and I'm normally the starter. The previous year I played in one game, the year before no games. I worked as hard as I could to be the very best player on the team simple cause I wanted to play. This guy was slower than me, gave up the ball more, never scored any goals, and was a pretty shitty player]. After three mins in the game the coach randomly put me on the bench and put the Brazilian guy in the game in my place. As I walked off the field past him he told me he'd fucked Stacy in the ass. And I looked in the stands and saw her holding up a sign with his name cheering him on, while the rain came down hard.

Coach told me to warm up to get back in, close to halftime. I warmed up but he never put me back in the game. I constantly heard Stacy screaming for him while I sat in the pooring rain on the bench. I felt like hard work had no value. I just wanted to play, I didn't wanna hear this girl scream this guys name. I worked so hard to be the best and I was the best and now I'm sitting int he rain on my fucking birthday. This was my 18th birthday.

My mom didn't die on my birthday, but she did try to stab me when I turned 23.



> Your ex-girlfriend... I don't know the situation, but you don't have to give your girlfriend absolutely everything she wants on her birthday. I know it sounds kind of judgmental of me, but it seems like you're obliging yourself with high self-imposed standards, and attaching them to others. Sometimes it's better to relax your standards. Not everything has to be perfect, and sometimes life's imperfections are the silver lining on the cloud.
> 
> I mean, you said yourself you have no confidence, and that could indicate that you might be using these gifts as a crutch. It doesn't have to be consciously. It's hard sometimes to think this, but it helps me in my darkest hours. You deserve to be happy, and no one can take that away from you. Work towards being truly happy. If you have to be sad a little bit to experience happiness, then do so. Sometimes it takes a little reinterpretation of scenery or thought. Happiness can be sought in many different avenues, and you should exploit every one.
> 
> ...


She demanded that I didn't break up with her the many times I wanted to because she never cared how I felt or what I was going through or when I just wanted to be left alone, etc..

She liked me and selfishly wanted me to be there for her because it's in my nature to care about people. I'd broken up with her about 50 zillion times and had her cry and beg me to be with her again. Call me all the time. Show up to my work, etc. etc.. All cause when she needed someone to listen I did. When she needed someone to do fun shit I did. etc. etc.. and she couldn't do ONE THING for me.

Only time me and her had sex was if she was horny. If I wasn't in the mood and voiced this opinion she would try to persuade me and say something like "Well next time you want to and I'm not in the mood we can." and I tell her It would be nice on my birthday.

Shit like that is why I think she's a bitch.




flyincaveman said:


> Not to downplay your sadness, but there's also Teddy Roosevelt; mother and wife died on the same day: his birthday.
> 
> My entire life, I've never had a birthday party. I'm doing just fine. My entire life I've had birthday sex once. And I've been married for over a year, and dated her for two before we got married. Shoot, all I ever want to do on my birthday is get hammered.


I mean seriously. pointing out something worse that happened never makes anyone feel any better



BuckeyeENFP said:


> @_Chimerical_, I got confused by all you said....you use the word "fuck" as a verb, a noun, an adjective, and often say it 3-4 times in a sentence. If you could rewrite your rant in proper English I may be able to provide some advice.
> 
> But from what I gather in your bitching is that your bad because girls don't like you. However, maybe you need to stop blaming all the women of the world and look in mirror and see that your behavior and attitude is disgusting and no sane woman would be attracted to it.







Now, You don't seem to understand something: I'm angry because girls don't like me. I have a "bad attitude" because of this. It's not that girls don't like me because I have a bad attitude. I'll explain it again, in case you didn't understand it. But this is the last time, okay.

Really nice sweet guy asks girl he likes out on a date. Girl says yes. Eventually girl and guy start dating. And the girl fucking fucks his stupid fuck of a mother fucking best fucking friend. Guy gets upset by this fucked up nonsense. Fuck, who in their right fucking mind fucking wouldn't get upset by that sort've fuckery? Guy is a little disfuckinggruntled about what just fucking happened. You could say he's fucking upset.

So, he breaks up with the fucker and fucking moves the fuck on with fucking life. And eventually simular things happen to him. He has bad luck in general with women and so he graduafuckingly, get's more fucking pissed about it as life goes on. Over time because of what's going on he's upset.

Not to be confused with girls don't like him initially cause he's upset. I hope you understand this... you seem like you have trouble understanding things.



alexande said:


> I think your just trying too hard man. Don't chase woman, let them come to you. Also it seems your distributing you energy across multiple woman, you should just focus on one woman until you learn how they work.


Yeah... what the hell is trying to hard?
Cause I see guys walk up to women, make and approach and walk home with that girl.
And focusing on more than one women is a lot healthier imo. If I get shut down or rejected I don't care as much if there are other girls to talk to. Focusing on one will make someone your only option when they probably have a lot more options than just you.

Seriously, what the hell is trying to hard? Can you go into more detail?



alexande said:


> Men or woman that are successful with the opposite sex have learned techniques from experience. I would definitely say both men and woman are very predictable when it comes to sex.


Hmm... I haven't quited learned much from experience since most of my experiences are failures and I'm not sure why I failed. I do something different each time but I'm not really sure what's up and what's down.



princessJAY said:


> Any time we start requiring _other people_ to behave xyz so we can be happy, we are going down a wrong path. On that path lies misery, disappointment, anger, blame, and lack of responsibility to ourselves.
> 
> Here's the basic truth in life: we can't control other people. We have control only over ourselves -- our actions, how we deal with our feelings and thoughts. Ultimately, we are responsible for finding our own happiness, life choices, and destiny.
> 
> ...


Seriously...
I really don't think that just cause I want something it has to fucking happen. I don't think anyone owes me shit either. C'mon people stop projecting such negative superficial and selfish idea's.

I'm upset that shit never goes my way. I don't expect it to go my way ALL THE FUCKING TIME like you seem to think I do. I don't even think the universe or whomever owes me shit.
I do have fuckign feelings though. That can't be shut off. So I feel no guilt for wanting a relationship or wanting sex. 

By there way, there is a difference between someone who just wants to get laid once in a while and find a decent girlfirend. And a guy who thinks people owe him shit. Don't mistake me for the latter.



> Unfortunately, the universe is one cold-hearted bitch, a birthday is like any other day in the year, and we're all merely atoms existing for an instant in an infinite universe. None of us gets special treatment; just some basic tools to start and carve out a path of our own.
> 
> If you want love, the only thing to do is give love. Freely. _Selflessly. _With no strings attached, expecting nothing in return. You seem to be at such a point now that everything you do with women you expect something back. You talked with a girl about zombies and connect, but instead of taking pleasure in finding another human with similar interests, you take it to be a sign that she _should_ reciprocate your feelings. You flirt with a girl, and instead of enjoying it for the casual pleasure such things can be, you blame her for leading you on and not wanting sex. You gave your ex a gift, and instead of being happy at your own astute gift-giving so that she still uses it 8 years later, you feel this means she owes you birthday sex.


Yeah, you're not getting it. and you're making assumptions, negative ones too. I'm pretty annoyed and insulted by them actually. It's kinda disgusting that you think of me this way.

I talk to a girl and connect and don't think she owes me anything or has to connect. I start to feel something for her. I start to like her. I start to wish I was her boyfriend and it happens too fast for me. I see she's different for most girl I meet and it's rare that I like her. I don't let her know I like her so early on, cause it would be weird. Then when I let her know she's not looking for a relationship.

So, I get upset. Not at her. Not cause, as you disgustingly suggest, that I think she owes me anything. I'm upset cause I liked her and can't be with her. This is what happens to people all the time. And added onto how upset I am about not being with this girl [which probably isn't a whole lot] is that I rarely meet girls I like [So, chances of me finding someone else I connect with are low, really really low] and the frustration that I always get rejected [each time I'm rejected it break away at my heart a little, now I'm broken].

And I want to be friends with her. I really did, cause I liked hanging out talking and showing her cool things etc.. But I can't. I've done it before and ended up so horribly suicidally depressed that I just can't do that. Ali was a nice girl who, unlike you assume so maliciously, I don't feel owes me anything. I'm upset about it not working out for a lot of reasons.



> You're trying. I hear you. But the point isn't how _hard_ you try. Rather, strive to find our commonality as fellow _human beings_, with our own hopes and pain and hidden thoughts. Once you can do that, you will be able to easily relate to women -- not as frivolous beings constantly out there, taunting you with their sexual withholding -- but just people. And once you are able to _befriend _women, trust me, you will have no problem getting laid, or even, find true love.
> 
> Good luck.


You see, it's girls like you who just don't fucking get me.
I'm not just some jackass as you describe me. I don't think what you claim I think. What I don't fuckign get is how people like you misunderstand me so easily? No offense, but are you stupid? What the hell makes you think I feel that people owe me shit just cause I'm upset about things?

It's very disgusting and offensive that you would accuse me of being such a person. I'd rather not speak to you again.


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## MrMagpie (Aug 22, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> t(-_-t) You're a bitch.
> Clearly you don't know how to read, or maybe you just like to overlook things.
> So, what the fuck is a "try too hard" or a "nice guy" in your opinion anyway?
> 
> ...


There is clearly nothing anyone can say on this forum that you will take to heart - naturally not referring to my own posts, which were merely, like this one, meant to communicate my disgust with your attitude. You ARE unnaturally focused on sex, you ARE whiny and self-entitled - your ex owes you sex because it's your birthday and you were nice to her on her birthday, a girl you flirted with owes you sex, a girl you happened to have a nice conversation with about mutual interests owes you sex - and you ARE destructive and violent. When you don't get what you want, you get drunk, cry about it, and/or talk about destroying the world and wanting to murder everyone you see. These are NOT normal reactions, and neither is calling someone a bitch and telling them to commit suicide by 'drinking bleach' or 'playing in traffic' because they think you're pathetic and don't mind telling you so.

You will notice that in this response I neither called you names nor implied that you should kill yourself. I would like to see if you are capable of returning the courtesy WITHOUT using the word 'fuck' as either a verb, noun, or adjective.

Good luck, and my advice to you, which I do sincerely hope you will heed, is to find a therapist.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> You see, it's girls like you who just don't fucking get me.
> I'm not just some jackass as you describe me. I don't think what you claim I think. What I don't fuckign get is how people like you misunderstand me so easily? No offense, but are you stupid? What the hell makes you think I feel that people owe me shit just cause I'm upset about things?
> 
> It's very disgusting and offensive that you would accuse me of being such a person. I'd rather not speak to you again.


Simmer down, Bertha.

P.S. Just read this in the original posting:
"My birthday. _I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday_. It's never once happened to me. I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or _just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. _Some just ignore me when I say anything I have to say."


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Chimerical said:


> Yes, you did miss the point and now you're claiming very extreme notions that have no place in a rational conversation. We really aren't all in the same boat, girls don't have it nearly as hard when it comes to getting laid. However it's not nearly as important to them either. Then again water isn't as important to me as it is to a man in the dessert if you catch my drift.
> 
> It's not that I hate women or charles or doug. Okay maybe I hate doug and charles but it's mostly cause they're assholes and do shady things on a regula... that's beside the point. I'm pointing out doug in charles to say that there is apparently something girls will be consistently attracted to. And this thing that girls find attractive isn't being a good person. I've been a good person all my life, so it's FUCKING FRUSTRATING when this doesn't pay off at all and some jackass gets what he wants all the time everytime.
> 
> ...


This... This is something special.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

MrMagpie said:


> There is clearly nothing anyone can say on this forum that you will take to heart - naturally not referring to my own posts, which were merely, like this one, meant to communicate my disgust with your attitude. You ARE unnaturally focused on sex, you ARE whiny and self-entitled - your ex owes you sex because it's your birthday and you were nice to her on her birthday, a girl you flirted with owes you sex, a girl you happened to have a nice conversation with about mutual interests owes you sex - and you ARE destructive and violent. When you don't get what you want, you get drunk, cry about it, and/or talk about destroying the world and wanting to murder everyone you see. These are NOT normal reactions, and neither is calling someone a bitch and telling them to commit suicide by 'drinking bleach' or 'playing in traffic' because they think you're pathetic and don't mind telling you so.
> 
> You will notice that in this response I neither called you names nor implied that you should kill yourself. I would like to see if you are capable of returning the courtesy WITHOUT using the word 'fuck' as either a verb, noun, or adjective.
> 
> Good luck, and my advice to you, which I do sincerely hope you will heed, is to find a therapist.


Well, your first response wasn't very constructive. It was rude and mean as well.
You still seem to think I think people OWE me things. And don't seem to get the part where I never say anyone owes me anything. I don't think girls I just meet owe me a penny, hug, sex, or whatever. I'm not sure where you're getting these notions from.

I hope you understand, at least, why someone would tell you to drink bleach and play in traffic after you say such hurtful and cruel things to a person. 

But, now you seem to be a bit more reasonable. More reasonable.

I am not a violent destructive person. I don't go around hurting others. I don't think about killing people.

I do agree that a therapist might be helpful, but I do not have money or insurance for such a thing.

Some people, not you, have said things that're worth saying here. Maybe it's even useful. But at the moment I'm more disgusted by people like you who paint a picture of me as this horrible person who thinks all the world owes him something. When this is not who I am, never has been and never will.

My ex really was a horrible person who took advantage or me and others on a consistent basis. She selfishly dated me because of how I made her feel with absolutely no concern about my feelings. When I was upset or needed my space she never cared about it. When she was I was considerate and thoughtful.

If you were dating a guy who only had sex when he was horny but never cared if you were or not, selfishly expected you to be there for him any time he was upset or having a bad day but was never there for you, would you think he was an asshole? If he didn't care if you wanted your space and time alone sometimes, or if you wanted to spent time with a friend you hadn't seen in years.

This is what she was like. She's a horribly selfish and inconsiderate girl. Every time I tried to break up with her she'd put me through some horrible guilt trip. It's not that I met her needs as much as she expected me to and got upset if I didn't when I asked for very little and she rarely gave me anything I wanted. This is why she's a horrible person. Not cause she wouldn't have sex with me on my birthday [though that is part of it].




JoanCrawford said:


> Simmer down, Bertha.
> 
> P.S. Just read this in the original posting:
> "My birthday. _I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday_. It's never once happened to me. I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or _just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. _Some just ignore me when I say anything I have to say."
> ...


I hope you understand the frustration isn't purely because I didn't get laid on my birthday as much as I just don't have luck with women and don't understand why.



android654 said:


> This... This is something special.


why do you say this?


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Chimerical said:


> why do you say this?


You're so frustrated, because you 'don't get' women, that you don't see that your frustration is what's driving women away.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

android654 said:


> You're so frustrated, because you 'don't get' women, that you don't see that your frustration is what's driving women away.


I've been reading threads by the poster here and elsewhere for four years and they never seem to change, despite input from many many people.

So I don't think he's willing to listen to that kind of advice, however sound it might be.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Jennywocky said:


> I've been reading threads by the poster here and elsewhere for four years and they never seem to change, despite input from many many people.
> 
> So I don't think he's willing to listen to that kind of advice, however sound it might be.



It's been my experience that people who really seek advice, trying to understand something, better themselves or fix their errors, they usually do it in private to one or a few people, in confidence. I've also found that people who go open with their woes, with claims of wanting to better their situations seek more support than advice, meaning they want to be with people who share their problems more than they want to fix them. At least that's what I've seen.


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## lastman (Apr 25, 2012)

WTF is wrong with you?
Evidently you can't get none.

Well, neither can I, and I am older then you. Of course I just opt to be depressed about it for a while then just get on with shit. I guess women can detect desperation. Some of your post come across as if you are going to keel over if you don't get none, like, NOW. Thats desperation.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

android654 said:


> You're so frustrated, because you 'don't get' women, that you don't see that your frustration is what's driving women away.


I get that my frustration drives people away.
Which is actually frustrating that I'm not aloud to be upset or vent because if I do it means no one will like me.

Anyway...
So I have an OKCupid account, what's the sort of thing one should put on their profile?
Actually better yet. When I'm in public and I see a cute girl walking around my college campus that I've never met what's something to say to her?
I'm not quite sure how to go about approaching a perfect stranger I think is cute. 

And let's say after I approached said cute stranger and what I've said has opened up a conversations what're some pointers to keeping this conversation going?

And also, say I think this girl has a nice personality after all of this. So now I'm interested in the idea of dating her and/or having sex with her. So, I actually like her at this point. How does someone go about expressing these idea's without "trying too hard" or being a "nice guy"?



Jennywocky said:


> I've been reading threads by the poster here and elsewhere for four years and they never seem to change, despite input from many many people.
> 
> So I don't think he's willing to listen to that kind of advice, however sound it might be.


four years?
How many post do I actually have here? I broke 15 posts yesterday I believe.

It's not that I'm not willing to listen to advice. It's that I hear things like "You need to find a hobby and spent time alone with yourself." and I have a lot of hobbies already, enjoy solitary walks in the woods, and working out, reading, etc.. So that's a case of someone telling me to do something I'm already doing anyway.

Someone on here mentioned what makes people interesting. And that interesting people are more attractive, then gave a list of examples of what makes people interesting. Like telling fun stories, etc. etc.. That made sense and isn't really something I do or don't do, as much as something I don't know how to spin off an me being interesting.

Someone else said to talk about things you're passionate about. I guess I'll try that... just not really sure how to bring it up in a conversation.

Anyway, I'll ask you this: Say there's a girl I find cute. I don't know her, maybe we're at a bar, maybe on a college campus. I have no idea what to say to her. At the present moment I just find her physically attractive.

What would be something suggested to say to open up a conversation?
And let's say after this conversation starts I run out of things to say and it get's dead and awkward. What's a way to avoid this happening?
And let's say she's pretty cool and I like her personality. How would I voice this? Should I mention it? 

This is what I want to understand. Because I have hobbies and spend plenty of time with myself which is what most of the advice says to do and this doesn't get me laid or find me a girlfriend.



android654 said:


> It's been my experience that people who really seek advice, trying to understand something, better themselves or fix their errors, they usually do it in private to one or a few people, in confidence. I've also found that people who go open with their woes, with claims of wanting to better their situations seek more support than advice, meaning they want to be with people who share their problems more than they want to fix them. At least that's what I've seen.


Eh...
I'm honestly a bit of both. I don't know how to fix my problems and I'm very frustrated so I just kinda want to scream type of deal.
At the same time I don't really have anyone who gives advice that's very helpful. My little brother tells me to put girls in the friendzone until the girl can't take it. I've honestly never tried this and am terrified of the idea because most girls I've been friends with were never into me. So I think this will just give me more friends... than again, what's the harm if I don't get girls anyway, right?

I don't understand why so many people say to be confident.
I mean I don't understand what that means at all?
Go up to a girl and say "Yeah, baby I know you want me." [well not that, but the same idea]. I don't really get what someone is saying to do when they say this.


And most of this thread has been people attacking my morals and values and accusing me of things that just aren't me.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> _
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well let me help you out. As a woman, if you honestly approached me in a bar I would reject you. I feel this sense of arrogance about you, like you're one of those Jersey Shore cast members who goes out to a bar each night and bangs another girl. "I really wanna get laid on my birthday" Women don't appreciate the fact that you make a goal out of sex, and not only that, but a goal out of them. The fact that you think people are just objects that act as a birthday present that you can flaunt around is appalling. Intimacy is not a game, and you are treating it as so.


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## MrMagpie (Aug 22, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> Well, your first response wasn't very constructive. It was rude and mean as well.
> You still seem to think I think people OWE me things. And don't seem to get the part where I never say anyone owes me anything. I don't think girls I just meet owe me a penny, hug, sex, or whatever. I'm not sure where you're getting these notions from.
> 
> I hope you understand, at least, why someone would tell you to drink bleach and play in traffic after you say such hurtful and cruel things to a person.


Well, I believe in giving respect and consideration only when I receive the same - but you must understand that being called names and then being told to kill myself does not engender in me any understanding or sympathy for your plight. I can only base my estimation of your character and personality on what you have posted here in this thread - and even if my reply was hurtful to you, I do not see that being told that you need 'to grow up' should then illicit in you the need to flip me the double bird and call me a 'fucking bitch' several times over. I think that, if nothing else, the sheer number of replies you have received in this thread should cause you to realize that, however you may act in real life, the things that you say in your posts obviously leave many people with the impression that you are immature, selfish, and, yes, violent.



Chimerical said:


> But, now you seem to be a bit more reasonable. More reasonable.
> 
> I am not a violent destructive person. I don't go around hurting others. I don't think about killing people.
> 
> ...


However, I do believe you when you say that this is not how you are in real life. Unfortunately, we are communicating through a necessarily limited medium, and so after reading your posts (I'm 29 years old, my birthday is october the 8th and *I've never once had sex on my birthday*. We chatted about zombies, video games, movies, and she told me how *she likes the hentai rooms at anime cons and how orgies usually break out*. *She was getting flirty and insinuating sexual things* and I mentioned I thought she was cute and she says she's not looking for anything and I live to far away. *My birthday. I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday. It's never once happened to me.* I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. *I've considered changing majors so that I'll end up as an arms dealer. This is what I think of the world at this point. I want it to burn. I want it to end.* I assume everyone will shut me down and show no interest. *I assume no girl wants to fuck me.* *I was still nice cause that just who I am and I don't get laid. I don't get girls. I get friends.* *The moment they show any sign they might not be interested in me sexually I cut them out of my life.* *I've been considering going to school for chemical or physical engineering and designing weapons to sell to the military. I like it because I'm a little angry at the world and want to help bring about it's destruction.*) what other conclusion can an individual draw except that you do believe that people - specifically women - do owe you something - specifically sex? Also, please refer to the bolded quotes above - it is obvious that you DO think about killing people.

As for not having money or insurance for a therapist - I have been unemployed the last six months due to several psychological issues. I live with my parents. Until recently, leaving the house was debilitating for me. But I do have a therapist, and I don't pay a dime to see her. There are many state-level programs available for people in our situation - people who need the help but weren't blessed with the most advantageous of circumstances.



Chimerical said:


> My ex really was a horrible person who took advantage or me and others on a consistent basis. She selfishly dated me because of how I made her feel with absolutely no concern about my feelings. When I was upset or needed my space she never cared about it. When she was I was considerate and thoughtful.
> 
> If you were dating a guy who only had sex when he was horny but never cared if you were or not, selfishly expected you to be there for him any time he was upset or having a bad day but was never there for you, would you think he was an asshole? If he didn't care if you wanted your space and time alone sometimes, or if you wanted to spent time with a friend you hadn't seen in years.
> 
> This is what she was like. She's a horribly selfish and inconsiderate girl. Every time I tried to break up with her she'd put me through some horrible guilt trip. It's not that I met her needs as much as she expected me to and got upset if I didn't when I asked for very little and she rarely gave me anything I wanted. This is why she's a horrible person. Not cause she wouldn't have sex with me on my birthday [though that is part of it].


Well, to begin with, if I were dating a person like your ex-girlfriend - which would never happen - then I would immediately judge them to be, as you said, an asshole, and break up with them. A person like that would never even become an acquaintance of mine, let alone a friend or a girlfriend/boyfriend. However, your relationship with this girl illustrates the problem quite well - you're a doormat, and having become frustrated by your thoughtfulness not being returned or your boundaries being respected by this one girl, you have become a Nice Guy and a Try Too Hard - your interactions with women have become jaded. You don't hang out with a girl to become friends with her - your ulterior motive is always to begin a relationship and have sex with her, and when she doesn't return your physical affections you ultimately reveal how shallow your consideration for her really was by becoming angry and violent - and, no, just because you don't hit her or scream at her doesn't mean that the way you think has not become angry and violent.

Frustration in your situation is perfectly understandable, and the fact that you find it hard to trust women after being put through the ringer by a Huge Bitch is also deserving of sympathy - but you must understand that judging by the way you have spoken to people on this thread, it seems that you have become despondent, obsessive, and destructive, and it bears remembering that these are things that women will be able to pick up on, even if, in real life, you act the part of a Nice Guy and say all the right lines.


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

flyincaveman said:


> T. Roosevelt was a pimp!! Use to take foreign diplomats on a run in order to talk.
> 
> I go drinking with my brother and I usually do end up plastered on my birthday. But never a party. Even whenever I was kid because my birthday was usually labor day weekend, so people were always gone.


You might be able to arrange something with a few peers. I don't know your situation in terms of resources, but I'm sure there are some ways to plan awesome parties or at least some small get-togethers.

My birthday's usually on Labor Day weekend, too. (September 3) :happy:

You might be able to plan near your birthday, if it won't work out exactly on the day. Most people have birthday parties off-schedule, mainly due to no one wanting to go to a party on, say, Monday night, and having to show up for school or work the next day.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

JoanCrawford said:


> Well let me help you out. As a woman, if you honestly approached me in a bar I would reject you. I feel this sense of arrogance about you, like you're one of those Jersey Shore cast members who goes out to a bar each night and bangs another girl. "I really wanna get laid on my birthday" Women don't appreciate the fact that you make a goal out of sex, and not only that, but a goal out of them. The fact that you think people are just objects that act as a birthday present that you can flaunt around is appalling. Intimacy is not a game, and you are treating it as so.


Kinda like how girls go to the bar to get laid?
Yeah, I'm such a horrible person, shame on me.
Or is it more like how girls try to meet guys they want to milk for their money?

If I approached you in a bar it would be like everyone else I approach in the bar. I'd say something like "Hi, I'm Nick." Then maybe comment of what I found interesting about you enough to approach you. Or Maybe I might ask a question like "Hey, what's the name of this song playing?" Because some song I'm starting to like is playing and I noticed you were by the jukebox recently. 

None of this is because I want to have sex with you. 
Also a lot of girls treat relationships and intimacy as a game. Personally I'm just honest all the time. I don't play games. 

The process that leads to me wanting to have sex with a girl step by step.
Step one: I think she's physically attractive enough.
Step two: I actually talk to her and while talking to her she shows me she has qualities I value in a person [usually kindness, that one makes me horny].
Step three: We connect and now sex sounds like a great idea.

However, I'm a guy. Most guys are fine with Step one. Most girls have to get far past the third step.
I don't just come out and say "Hey, lets fuck!" But if she asks what I'm interested in I'm not going to lie. I'll find the most polite way I can to be straightforward about what I want without being rude.


People have played many games with my emotions. This is something I *HATE*. So I don't play games like this. and I find it rude that based on someone wanting to go out and get laid you derive such negative assumptions about that person. Girls do this and so do guys. Get over it.



MrMagpie said:


> Well, I believe in giving respect and consideration only when I receive the same - but you must understand that being called names and then being told to kill myself does not engender in me any understanding or sympathy for your plight. I can only base my estimation of your character and personality on what you have posted here in this thread - and even if my reply was hurtful to you, I do not see that being told that you need 'to grow up' should then illicit in you the need to flip me the double bird and call me a 'fucking bitch' several times over. I think that, if nothing else, the sheer number of replies you have received in this thread should cause you to realize that, however you may act in real life, the things that you say in your posts obviously leave many people with the impression that you are immature, selfish, and, yes, violent.
> 
> 
> 
> However, I do believe you when you say that this is not how you are in real life. Unfortunately, we are communicating through a necessarily limited medium, and so after reading your posts (I'm 29 years old, my birthday is october the 8th and *I've never once had sex on my birthday*. We chatted about zombies, video games, movies, and she told me how *she likes the hentai rooms at anime cons and how orgies usually break out*. *She was getting flirty and insinuating sexual things* and I mentioned I thought she was cute and she says she's not looking for anything and I live to far away. *My birthday. I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday. It's never once happened to me.* I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. *I've considered changing majors so that I'll end up as an arms dealer. This is what I think of the world at this point. I want it to burn. I want it to end.* I assume everyone will shut me down and show no interest. *I assume no girl wants to fuck me.* *I was still nice cause that just who I am and I don't get laid. I don't get girls. I get friends.* *The moment they show any sign they might not be interested in me sexually I cut them out of my life.* *I've been considering going to school for chemical or physical engineering and designing weapons to sell to the military. I like it because I'm a little angry at the world and want to help bring about it's destruction.*) what other conclusion can an individual draw except that you do believe that people - specifically women - do owe you something - specifically sex? Also, please refer to the bolded quotes above - it is obvious that you DO think about killing people.


I still don't see how anything in here makes you think I think people owe me anything. I've never expressed this idea. 



> As for not having money or insurance for a therapist - I have been unemployed the last six months due to several psychological issues. I live with my parents. Until recently, leaving the house was debilitating for me. But I do have a therapist, and I don't pay a dime to see her. There are many state-level programs available for people in our situation - people who need the help but weren't blessed with the most advantageous of circumstances.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm not violent. Violent people get into fights and hit people. I don't do this. I'm not sure you understand what violent means.

That girl, she sucked. She was a bitchy girlfriend who I dated because I felt sorry for her. I wasn't all that hurt or broken up by her really. In retrospect I'm only thinking of her because I'm annoyed that I never have anyone special around on my birthday and never get laid that day. I guess I place too much importance of having a fun time on my birthday.

Anyway, liz wasn't really a heart breaker, cause I just wasn't that into her.
Amy on the other hand broke me. I had found someone I truly loved who dumped me and started dating my friend, who I introduced her to. I shrugged it off and a few months later was talking to my friend Hayley I was into, who also ended up dating a friend I had introduced her too [also she had sex with one of my friends in my house]. I, walked on and pressed on. A few weeks later I ran into a girl I knew from forever ago that I really liked way back when. And we hung out for a few days and I had introduced her to a bunch of my friends and she ended up having sex with one of them and dating the other.

I've never introduced a girl I have any interest in to one of my friends again.
I also don't keep very many friends and am generally distrustful of people.


Anyway, I still have no idea what a "Try to hard" is. What exactly is trying too hard?
Or a "nice guy". You haven't really defined either term.


And you say you don't give respect without getting it yet get annoyed that I cussed you out when you lashed out on me? What do you really expect someone to do? Say "Oh, gee, thanks for calling me names and saying I'm a horrible person. Golly, you're a pal."


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## Reggie (Sep 30, 2012)

Consider reading David Deangelo's e-book 'double your dating - attraction isn't a choice'

I see you have some serious self-limiting beliefs and a lack of 'game' (insight in the dating/mating dynamics). The book is gonna do you good. 
Good luck!


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## unINFalliPle (Jul 8, 2012)

*Chimerical*, what I meant was if someone treats you like you're nothing, then don't make them something. Of course you can feel hurt, it's only natural. But don't sacrifice yourself to that. You're so much better.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

Chimerical said:


> I've considered changing majors so that I'll end up as an arms dealer. This is what I think of the world at this point. I want it to burn. I want it to end.


Have you considered joining an end-timers society or group? Since they pretty much want the apocalypse to go down, you might meet a like minded lady there. You may have to marry before you can have sex with her, but you never know. Either way, two birds one stone...*shrugs*


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## cityofcircuits (Nov 8, 2010)

DDDDDUUUUUUUDDDDDDEEEEEE,

OK. Hear me out. You're thinking toO hard man, it's simple. 

PAY FOR SEX.

If it's your birthday, and you wanted to get laid FOR SURE on your birthday, call an escort service or go to a thai massage parlor fo' realz. Definitely happy endings will......happen.

Anyways, be logical about it. You want taco's you go to taco bell right? You want sex, you go downtown or call somebody. 

OOOOOORRRRRRR......

have a few friends with benefits! than you're not paying, you both know what's going down when you call, etc etc.....



*i'm such a dick.........btw, this is a joke advice post......please no one attack me for having fun ok?


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

Reggie said:


> Consider reading David Deangelo's e-book 'double your dating - attraction isn't a choice'
> 
> I see you have some serious self-limiting beliefs and a lack of 'game' (insight in the dating/mating dynamics). The book is gonna do you good.
> Good luck!


Actually I used to get e-mails from DD all the time.
They usually go something like this: "So I bet you wish you could go get laid right now don't ya?!! Well, what if I told you I know some super secret technique that I'm going to go on and on about how I know about it and what it'll do for you if you, like me [the most awesomest guy in the world. Did I mention I like to brag about how much better my life is than yours], knew about it. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... 3 or 4 paragraphs later.

blah blah blah blah blah, and see, if you knew about this super secret technique that I just wasted a lot of your time telling you vague mundane things about then you'd be getting laid too. 

So, click on this link and give me money. Also, go out and insult a few girls and tell them their dress is funny looking. 

P.S. I'm awesome and I was getting a blow job while I wrote this."

I would never want a person like that to have any of my money. I don't even want to be like a guy like that, he seems like a douche. Actually my older brother bought a DVD set of his. I figured I'd check it out and well it's full of hot air just like the e-mails. And he tells you to be a douche and insult girls also.

Thanks, but no thanks. Not my thing.



unINFalliPle said:


> *Chimerical*, what I meant was if someone treats you like you're nothing, then don't make them something. Of course you can feel hurt, it's only natural. But don't sacrifice yourself to that. You're so much better.


True and all.
Right now I'm just browsing profiles on plenty of fish and OKCupid. The girls on plenty of fish don't ever respond to any messages I send. So, it's a bit depressing and concerning that such a high volume of women just ignore me like that.

Roughly the same thing happens on OKcupid. 

So, it's hard not to be upset by this. I just want to know what are some things that should be said. What do women respond to [for those who say something like "You must think all women are the same if you're asking this, hur hur hur, I'm retarded" consider this: All these women DON'T respond to what I send so they're surely the same when it comes to a mutual disinterest in me. So it goes to reason there's a generalized way to attract girls too.]?

I'm a little curious what's the sort of thing you would respond to?


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

cityofcircuits said:


> DDDDDUUUUUUUDDDDDDEEEEEE,
> 
> OK. Hear me out. You're thinking toO hard man, it's simple.
> 
> ...


Well, maybe this is how you like it.
And you may feel comfortable with the idea of paying for sex, personally it's just not what I care for. But if that's how you rool, I'm not gonna judge you for it.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> Step one: I think she's physically attractive enough.
> Step two: I actually talk to her and while talking to her she shows me she has qualities I value in a person [usually kindness, that one makes me horny].
> Step three: We connect and now sex sounds like a great idea.


I feel like everything you relate women with is sex... Maybe a lot of women see this and feel it is shallow? And Maybe you come off as too much sometimes. I hate to ask this, but are your looks okay? Do you have a picture of yourself? Some women only base their opinions on looks, so maybe this is the problem?


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

JoanCrawford said:


> I feel like everything you relate women with is sex... Maybe a lot of women see this and feel it is shallow? And Maybe you come off as too much sometimes. I hate to ask this, but are your looks okay? Do you have a picture of yourself? Some women only base their opinions on looks, so maybe this is the problem?


I feel like a lot of this topic revolves around sex and it's brought up frequently since it was mentioned in the first post.
Also thinking of women and sex at the same time as a guy isn't something abnormal. 

What's it matter if I show you a picture? Are you going to say it's all about sex?
Do you want sexy picture? Should I name the file sex?
What do you think about sex?


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> I feel like a lot of this topic revolves around sex and it's brought up frequently since it was mentioned in the first post.
> Also thinking of women and sex at the same time as a guy isn't something abnormal.
> 
> What's it matter if I show you a picture? Are you going to say it's all about sex?
> ...


Just a normal picture will do... you are also very defensive. Maybe this is another reason why women can give you trouble?


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

JoanCrawford said:


> Just a normal picture will do... you are also very defensive. Maybe this is another reason why women can give you trouble?


Are you aware of sarcasm?
Or when someone doesn't take what you say very seriously?
Have you ever said something silly like "Golly gee, you sure talk about sex a lot!" in a topic where sex was mentioned very early on and many of the posters respond to that first post where it was mentioned only to have someone point out the obvious to you?
Are you aware that I'm not going to post a picture of myself for you just because you say you want one?


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

You sound desperate, and i wouldn`t be surprised if that shows. Sounds like you have too much going on mentally and emotionally. Keeping it real here you sound like a complete hot mess. I`m not judging you thou, i can be a hot mess too sometimes. The point is you seem to eager , you`re probably scaring women off. Just reading that intro with all the cursing filled with vulgar, as a woman that kind of shite totally turns me off. Challenge women, you`re too available. 

Men who get this worked up over getting laid frighten me, i would run from someone like you.  Women feel most comfortable in stable relationships.


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## Nowhere Man (Apr 22, 2012)

Just pretend to be a complete misanthrope. Have a chip on your shoulder, hate the world, and when people talk to you, act like you don't want to be there. Women love that shit. I'm not being sarcastic. People are strange.


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## MrMagpie (Aug 22, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> Kinda like how girls go to the bar to get laid?
> Yeah, I'm such a horrible person, shame on me.
> Or is it more like how girls try to meet guys they want to milk for their money?
> 
> ...


You simply refuse to take any responsibility for the things that you say and the reactions this illicits in others. Girls go to bars to get laid, when you go to bars looking to get laid no one ever lays you - the implication being that these girls SHOULD have laid you, that by simply showing up at the bar and not being a complete douchebag they should immediately let you put your penis in their vagina. It's not about what you're saying or not saying, it's about what you imply - perhaps inadvertently so, but you need to take responsibility for the fact that obviously what you are saying in this thread has been found offensive, not sympathetic.



Chimerical said:


> I'm not violent. Violent people get into fights and hit people. I don't do this. I'm not sure you understand what violent means.


It is obviously you who, in this case, is not reading what I am saying, so I'll just say it again: *no, just because you don't hit her or scream at her doesn't mean that the way you think has not become angry and violent*. You can have consistently violent, defensive thoughts towards a certain idea or group without necessarily seeing that in your actions. You are defensive and antagonistic towards anyone in this thread that does not immediately agree with your point of view - everyone is misunderstanding you, they're stupid, you don't understand where they're coming from - but you never take a moment to step back and say 'I wonder what is going on here? Is there something I'm not seeing?' You come across as very arrogant and close-minded - there is not an ounce of self-awareness or genuine humility or openness to advice in your responses.



Chimerical said:


> That girl, she sucked. She was a bitchy girlfriend who I dated because I felt sorry for her. I wasn't all that hurt or broken up by her really. In retrospect I'm only thinking of her because I'm annoyed that I never have anyone special around on my birthday and never get laid that day. I guess I place too much importance of having a fun time on my birthday.
> 
> Anyway, liz wasn't really a heart breaker, cause I just wasn't that into her.
> Amy on the other hand broke me. I had found someone I truly loved who dumped me and started dating my friend, who I introduced her to. I shrugged it off and a few months later was talking to my friend Hayley I was into, who also ended up dating a friend I had introduced her too [also she had sex with one of my friends in my house]. I, walked on and pressed on. A few weeks later I ran into a girl I knew from forever ago that I really liked way back when. And we hung out for a few days and I had introduced her to a bunch of my friends and she ended up having sex with one of them and dating the other.
> ...


So, you dated a 'bitchy' girl, let her violate your personal boundaries, disrespect you, and put you through emotional turmoil because you felt sorry for her? Forgive me if I find that difficult to understand or believe. Why would you date someone that you felt sorry for? It is things like this that cause me to believe that you are a Try Too Hard and a Nice Guy. A Try Too Hard is a person that purposely copies behaviours and personality traits that they believe will endear them to someone - but the motivation is inherently selfish, since they only do this in order to get what they want from the person or people in question. A Nice Guy is someone that treats a woman like a candy machine - insert a quarter, turn the crank just right, and you get what you want from her. Treat her nicely and she is supposed to sleep with you. Your dismal stereotyping of women as 'going to bars to get laid' and 'meeting guys they want to milk for their money' gives the impression that you do not actually care for any of the girls that you claim to have 'liked' - why would you, when apparently all women are interested in is manipulating men for sex and money? 



Chimerical said:


> And you say you don't give respect without getting it yet get annoyed that I cussed you out when you lashed out on me? What do you really expect someone to do? Say "Oh, gee, thanks for calling me names and saying I'm a horrible person. Golly, you're a pal."


You're acting as if I lashed out at you without you having done anything - you were a perfect innocent so taken aback by my crude, undeserved attack that you were well within your rights to fire back at me. You fail to see how your demeanor towards sex would be personally offensive to the women reading it, and if being told to grow up and stop whining really makes you fly off the handle like that, then I don't think it is any surprise that you find yourself struggling to find stable, happy relationships. As far as I am concerned, you were the one who first began to be disrespectful, and I merely returned the sentiment.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> You sound desperate, and i wouldn`t be surprised if that shows. Sounds like you have too much going on mentally and emotional. Keeping it real here you sound like a complete hot mess. I`m not judging you thou, i can be a hot mess too sometimes. The point is though you seem to eager , you`re probably scaring women off. Just reading that intro with all the cursing filled with vulgar, as a women that kind of shite totally turns me off. Challenge women, you`re too available.
> 
> Men who get this worked up over getting laid frighten me, i would run from someone like you.  Women feel most comfortable in stable relationships.


How exactly does one "challenge" a girl?

I'm not that available, while at the same time I see how girls I actually like can get this perception. Ali, a girl I liked was aware that I would want to date her. She wasn't aware that I don't care to date most women I meet. She wasn't aware that in the year I've lived in Detroit she's one of only 3 girls I actually considered dating. So, for all she knows I'm easy, as you say.

I'm not sure what exactly you mean by challenge a girl. Do you care to elaborate?
Are you saying to pretend to not be interested [which really seems a lot like lying to me and doesn't sit so well]?




Nowhere Man said:


> Just pretend to be a complete misanthrope. Have a chip on your shoulder, hate the world, and when people talk to you, act like you don't want to be there. Women love that shit. I'm not being sarcastic. People are strange.


I don't pretend to be anything generally.
And you're basically saying to be an asshole.

but it's funny that your advice completely conflicts with your advatar


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> You sound desperate, and i wouldn`t be surprised if that shows. Sounds like you have too much going on mentally and emotional. Keeping it real here you sound like a complete hot mess. I`m not judging you thou, i can be a hot mess too sometimes. The point is though you seem to eager , you`re probably scaring women off. Just reading that intro with all the cursing filled with vulgar, as a women that kind of shite totally turns me off. Challenge women, you`re too available.
> 
> Men who get this worked up over getting laid frighten me, i would run from someone like you.  Women feel most comfortable in stable relationships.


Thank you, honey, I totally agree! 



Chimerical said:


> Are you aware of sarcasm?
> Or when someone doesn't take what you say very seriously?
> Have you ever said something silly like "Golly gee, you sure talk about sex a lot!" in a topic where sex was mentioned very early on and many of the posters respond to that first post where it was mentioned only to have someone point out the obvious to you?
> Are you aware that I'm not going to post a picture of myself for you just because you say you want one?


All right, sweetie, calm down.  *pats head softly* Now you DID ask for an opinion on why women don't like you. I honestly don't blame them, I mean being with you is exhausting enough online alone, your feelings get hurt so easily, I can only imagine what you are like in person... I guess my advice would just be to tone down your entire personality. I know that is crazy but... yeah.


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## Stretch Armstrong (Sep 10, 2012)

Today at exactly 1:09PM you were given every possible answer of what to do and why to do it. It was said neither unfriendly nor spiteful despite anything you have posted prior to that time. Since that time you've continued to defend yourself and be misunderstood. STOP! stop there is no way anything is going to stay in your mind with your mouth open. Be happy if you can settle just 1 thing in your mind in a day as even that is beyond excellent to expect as many of the challenges that are yours formed over a measure of time not in an afternoon. I'm not even suggesting that you stop communication, no not at all , but that you have been given a pot of gold in one response at 1:09PM today..print it out and live it out and shut your mind down from it's spew long enough to do 1 thing and get it down pat and then move to another thing to "fix". My own view is that you aren't going to get even 1 small accomplishment until you accept that you are 50% at fault for the difficulty you've experienced in your relationships, PERIOD.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Stretch Armstrong said:


> Today at exactly 1:09PM you were given every possible answer of what to do and why to do it. It was said neither unfriendly nor spiteful despite anything you have posted prior to that time. Since that time you've continued to defend yourself and be misunderstood. STOP! stop there is no way anything is going to stay in your mind with your mouth open. Be happy if you can settle just 1 thing in your mind in a day as even that is beyond excellent to expect as many of the challenges that are yours formed over a measure of time not in an afternoon. I'm not even suggesting that you stop communication, no not at all , but that you have been given a pot of gold in one response at 1:09PM today..print it out and live it out and shut your mind down from it's spew long enough to do 1 thing and get it down pat and then move to another thing to "fix". My own view is that you aren't going to get even 1 small accomplishment until you accept that you are 50% at fault for the difficulty you've experienced in your relationships, PERIOD.


Your post described the situation perfectly!


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## Cetanu (Jan 20, 2012)

You think you're going to be happier if you get laid. It's a fucking illusion mate.

Nothing will change. You will still have this feeling inside of you. I guarantee you.

Everyone in this thread is trying to help you fix the problem.
The problem is = there is no problem. You just create this fucked up expectation for yourself where sex is success. It fucking isn't. It's just sex and it has no ability to fulfill you as a person.

Have you ever considered that these people you see having sex all the time... are bullshitting?
How do you know they are having sex? Have you caught them doing it every single fucking day?

Smoke and mirrors... it's just illusions... look at the world from the eye of the observer instead of the eye of the victim and you'll start to see... the world is full of shit and you can be happy even if you're at the lowest, scummiest point in life.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Chimerical said:


> How exactly does one "challenge" a girl?
> 
> I'm not that available, while at the same time I see how girls I actually like can get this perception. Ali, a girl I liked was aware that I would want to date her. She wasn't aware that I don't care to date most women I meet. She wasn't aware that in the year I've lived in Detroit she's one of only 3 girls I actually considered dating. So, for all she knows I'm easy, as you say.
> 
> ...


Try not to be over anxious, women can sense when men are to_ out there_ . Maybe women sense you feel rushed, like you want things to happen NOW. If you can try not to think about time spent with women as dates, think of them as friends. You have to build a friendship first before anything. 

Challenge them by acting comfortable being single, be comfortable in your own skin first, women are attracted to men who are comfortable with themselves. Thinking about sex is not a smart way to start a relationship whether that be romantic/friendship. Don't focus on sex, focus on keeping it light, finding things that you have in common/or interest, then doing it. Women like to laugh, be slightly teased in a non sexist way. If you can make a girl laugh, that will win huge brownie points. Don`t try too hard, just roll with the punches without having an agenda other than getting to know her.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

MrMagpie said:


> You simply refuse to take any responsibility for the things that you say and the reactions this illicits in others. Girls go to bars to get laid, when you go to bars looking to get laid no one ever lays you - the implication being that these girls SHOULD have laid you, that by simply showing up at the bar and not being a complete douchebag they should immediately let you put your penis in their vagina. It's not about what you're saying or not saying, it's about what you imply - perhaps inadvertently so, but you need to take responsibility for the fact that obviously what you are saying in this thread has been found offensive, not sympathetic.


There isn't an implication that girls should fuck me at all. But I'm sure you'll find some other negative implication that's not actually there in this response.

Since you didn't get it in the post you were quoting let me water it down. Listen carefully and be mindfully that there aren't any implications [unlike the previous sentence which implies that you're... well you know].

Someone said that I'm like the douchebags on whatever that stupid show it because I go to a bar to get laid. Which is to say that going to the bar to get laid is a horrible thing. And that I'm a horrible person for doing such a horrible rotten thing. My response, that girls go to the bar to get laid, was to point out that girls are doing the same thing too. So, a girl and a guy who go to the bar to get laid aren't horrible rotten people as she said.

NO where in there did I say or imply that girls have to have sex with me because they go to the bar to get laid and I'm such a wonderful guy and yaddy yadda.

Though I have made a few implications about someone's level of comprehension in this message right here.




> It is obviously you who, in this case, is not reading what I am saying, so I'll just say it again: *no, just because you don't hit her or scream at her doesn't mean that the way you think has not become angry and violent*. You can have consistently violent, defensive thoughts towards a certain idea or group without necessarily seeing that in your actions. You are defensive and antagonistic towards anyone in this thread that does not immediately agree with your point of view - everyone is misunderstanding you, they're stupid, you don't understand where they're coming from - but you never take a moment to step back and say 'I wonder what is going on here? Is there something I'm not seeing?' You come across as very arrogant and close-minded - there is not an ounce of self-awareness or genuine humility or openness to advice in your responses.


You come across as antagonistic.
You seem to have some new negative implication that's rather far fetched anytime you post. I can't take you seriously anymore.

Why are you making a big deal about someone being defensive when people are constantly attacking that person?
Why am I still even talking to you? I mean I like to think that everyone has their good points and it's worth listening to see what they might say and all, but you just constantly berate and attack me and accuse me or implying this or that this isn't actually true.

Then you come in here preaching about taking a step back and looking at what's going on. I don't think you get why I cussed you out earlier. I don't think you get why I'm not taking you very seriously. You're making extreme accusations... whatever... you're not going to listen and you'll just say I'm implying that you owe me sex or that bill gates should give me all his money or some shit.



> So, you dated a 'bitchy' girl, let her violate your personal boundaries, disrespect you, and put you through emotional turmoil because you felt sorry for her? Forgive me if I find that difficult to understand or believe. Why would you date someone that you felt sorry for? It is things like this that cause me to believe that you are a Try Too Hard and a Nice Guy. A Try Too Hard is a person that purposely copies behaviours and personality traits that they believe will endear them to someone - but the motivation is inherently selfish, since they only do this in order to get what they want from the person or people in question. A Nice Guy is someone that treats a woman like a candy machine - insert a quarter, turn the crank just right, and you get what you want from her. Treat her nicely and she is supposed to sleep with you. Your dismal stereotyping of women as 'going to bars to get laid' and 'meeting guys they want to milk for their money' gives the impression that you do not actually care for any of the girls that you claim to have 'liked' - why would you, when apparently all women are interested in is manipulating men for sex and money?


yup, there you go again with the negative implications.
All = everything
Most = more than half
Some = and greater than 0% but less than 100% 
"*some* girls go to the bar to get laid" literally means that an amount of girls between 0-100% go to the bar to get laid. Do you understand this? Should I say it again for you?

Anyway, your try hard description doesn't fit me at all. Since I am always just me. I tell girls I like them if I like them but I don't try to run some gimmick. I'm simply me. Nice guy, I can see me coming off as one since I'm nice to people. But the reason I'm nice is not because I want something in return.

Eitherway, I'm not sure where you get such wild assumptions from.




> You're acting as if I lashed out at you without you having done anything - you were a perfect innocent so taken aback by my crude, undeserved attack that you were well within your rights to fire back at me. You fail to see how your demeanor towards sex would be personally offensive to the women reading it, and if being told to grow up and stop whining really makes you fly off the handle like that, then I don't think it is any surprise that you find yourself struggling to find stable, happy relationships. As far as I am concerned, you were the one who first began to be disrespectful, and I merely returned the sentiment.


You fail to see how disrespectful is it to make such harsh accusations and slander about a persons character with absolutely nothing to back it off of. 

I said nothing disrespectful to you. You lashed out on me and act if I'm making all these horrible demands. Now you're just insulting me and trying to rub it in that I don't have luck with women. By saying that I fly off the handle.

So, check this out.
*SHOW OF HAND EVERYONE!!! SHOW OF HANDS!!! RAISE YOUR HAND IF I CALLED YOU A BITCH AND TOLD YOU TO DRINK BLEACH AND PLAY IN TRAFFIC!!! ACTUALLY IF I DIRECTLY INSULTED YOU, PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!*

I get the feeling not a whole lot of people will be raising their hands.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Try not to be over anxious, women can sense when men are to_ out there_ . Maybe women sense you feel rushed, like you want things to happen NOW. If you can try not to think about time spent with women as dates, think of them as friends. You have to build a friendship first before anything.
> 
> Challenge them by acting comfortable being single, be comfortable in your own skin first, women are attracted to men who are comfortable with themselves. Thinking about sex is not a smart way to start a relationship whether that be romantic/friendship. Don't focus on sex, focus on keeping it light, finding things that you have in common/or interest, then doing it. Women like to laugh, be slightly teased in a non sexist way. If you can make a girl laugh, that will win huge brownie points. Don`t try too hard, just roll with the punches without having an agenda other than getting to know her.


Well... This is not at all what I thought when you said to Challenge women. Not very close to what I thought either.
Good advice though.

Can you define "trying too hard" I'm not sure what you mean by this.



Cetanu said:


> You think you're going to be happier if you get laid. It's a fucking illusion mate.
> 
> Nothing will change. You will still have this feeling inside of you. I guarantee you.
> 
> ...


Doug comes to visit my brother Zach while he's in Detroit visiting me. I'm asleep in the house when doug walk in the room with a girl who's completely topless. She's freely talking about how she'd slept with doug and the other guys from the hotel were trying to get with her. I wake up in the middle of this conversation.

While we go to an anime con with Doug I walked in the room to get my bottle of jack daniels to see him fucking some girl, I grab it off the desk and walk out.

Same con, doug goes to some chicks car but asks if I have a condom before he heads over there and she says she's out. different chick.

I could go on, but you get the point.


Getting laid would make me happier. Sort've. Generally after I have sex I'm happier than normal. 
But a lot of times it leads to other problems, like the girl I had sex with only being interested in sex when I wanted more than that.

Having success with relationships would lift up a great deal of stress and unhappiness I feel as it's all rooted in a feeling of helplessness when it comes to social matters. When I'm single and I meet someone I like I feel like everything is out of control. I'm an Introverted Thinking type. This becomes an issue when I'm in a situation where social prowess is the solution and I'm an Introvert. Also when my emotions are connected to something and that's something I don't express so much it's also problematic. And so emotional experiences like love and sadness are not things I deal well with.

If I didn't have to worry about if someone liked me or not because I knew how dating worked and had more success I wouldn't be so unhappy and feeling so helpless and vulnerable. If I didn't care, same deal. Unfortunately for me, neither are true, so I'm making an effort to learn since the effort to stop caring seemed very futile.



JoanCrawford said:


> Thank you, honey, I totally agree!
> 
> 
> All right, sweetie, calm down.  *pats head softly* Now you DID ask for an opinion on why women don't like you. I honestly don't blame them, I mean being with you is exhausting enough online alone, your feelings get hurt so easily, I can only imagine what you are like in person... I guess my advice would just be to tone down your entire personality. I know that is crazy but... yeah.


I did ask that, true.
It's not really my personality as much as you've only spoken to me while I'm in a strong state of frustration and depression. As well a feelings of helpless... well you get the point, this is not how I always am.


As far as my looks go, I get compliments on my hair a lot and am told I'm not ugly.
But my looks aren't something I can change so I don't think sending a picture would matter or help anything.

I do apologize for being overly upset earlier.


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## Stretch Armstrong (Sep 10, 2012)

You want to fight. You want to fight and that is NOT trying to learn it is trying to circumnavigate your responsibility in your relationships or potential relationships. Start with acceptance or at the least stop and consider there just may be legitimate substance to many posts from people that have nothing to gain or lose by responding to your question "what the fuck is wrong with me?". This is not how you gain even 1 step forwar to discover yourself. You want to fight and blame,,,,,,,phhhht.


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## Agent Washintub (Oct 6, 2012)

If there was ever a tl;dr, that was it. I had to ctrl+f just to find my name. And my response? You are clearly not an ISTP then.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

telepariah said:


> Listen carefully to what I am about to say.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, you're missing something here: I don't view every woman in terms of just having a relationship with them. So, this is not something definite I see with every last girl I meet.

Yeah... friendship is magical and all that. We can go on pony rides together or something. Thing is I don't really have trouble making female friends or really any kind of friends. I've had a lot of shady friends, yes. 

But, this whole "Just be yourself" thing. This is advice that's in a level of frustration with "You're too nice", "you try to hard", etc.. I means nothing to me. The reason it means nothing to me is that I'm always myself, I don't act differently to impress people. Being fake and something that's not me is something I strongly despise.

So... here's why this is frustrating: If I'm always myself and I'm not getting girls anyway it's really irritating to hear someone tell me "Just be yourself." 

So, what exactly do you mean when you say "Just be yourself"? and how will this help improve my situation?



> First things first. Figure out how to have a platonic relationship before you gamble your happiness on a romantic relationship because romantic relationships are infinitely more difficult to do well than platonic relationships.


This reminds me of a server I worked with at Fridays.
I was annoyed one day that after a year they hadn't trained me to be a server yet and a girl said "Well I've been a server for 3 years and it's a very difficult thing to do. You don't want to do this." 
So, 3 years ago she had no experience with serving and started doing it. After 3 years she's learned how to do with better. She's telling me that I don't want to do what she's done because it's difficult? Seriously I don't think she understands how retarded what she said was.

Well at least you aren't saying to avoid it. I'm just saying that I've been through step one. I've done step one many of times and been friends with lots of girls. But when I like them they say something that translates to "no.". Like Liz a girl I knew for 3 years. I never liked her till about 2.5 years of knowing her and then told her I liked her. She said "I'm just not looking for anything right now." And then got engaged. And eventually we fell out of touch about half a year later when she moved away with her fiance.

There's plenty of other stories like this where I've been friends with a girl and liked her and she didn't like me and dating someone else. 

So, It's not that I don't know how to be friends with someone. I know how to do that. I'm usually avery good friend. I just end up in the "friendzone" a lot of times and don't know why. So I don't need to take this "try to be friends first" step as a learning process.



> I can not emphasize enough for you what amazing... truly amazing friends women are. I consider myself rich because of all the beautiful, talented, warm, and giving friends I have. In choosing a friend, I don't discriminate by sex, gender, sexual attractiveness, or anything more than the good feelings I get from that person. And the women in my life are a really important part of who I am. At age 55 I am still friends with the girl who grew up next door to me. I am godfather to the kids of the first woman I met when I went to college. I had a long career working in a field that has more women than men so I worked with female bosses, peers, and reports. Whether we became friends or not, we supported each other, had fun working together, did some work that we are really proud of.
> 
> On the subject of hobbies or group activities... my backcountry skiing partners... OMG they are amazing athletes. They are strong, smart, fun, interesting people who share my life's passion. Probably close to 50% of my ski buddies are women. Skiing or climbing with women is a lot more interesting and fun than with only men. I probably wouldn't be as enthusiastic about it if women were not a part of it.
> 
> ...


Well, it seemed a little misunderstood.
I said I cut women out of my like where weren't interested in me sexually. But other people have said things like "Don't try to hard." or "You're too nice" that don't make any logical sense to me at all. So let me explain as I would want someone to explain to me. What I mean when I say sexually interested is that she's attracted to me. She might want to date me, make out, kiss me, have sex, the sort of things people want to do when they're attracted to someone in a sexual way. Basically if a girl shows no interest in me as a potential whatever then I go and talk to someone else.

Now, in a quest to figure this out I'm more inclined to just spend more time with girls who are attracted to me than girls who aren't. If they're not interested in anything but friendship there are other girls to talk to.


Over all your message says "Stop caring about your lack of success with women and just make some friends."
Or.... "just give up."

Personally I will try my hardest to figure this out. I'm not trying to be rude but here's an example of what this all feels like to me. I appreciate you trying to help and all.

A tennis player is learning to serve the ball in the box but he's having trouble. Sometimes he serves the ball in the box, but more often than not he doesn't achieve the goal he's aiming for [a serve that isn't a fault... He wants something successful]. He starts serving harder and harder and adding more power to his serve. At a certain speed the ball is pretty much going in a straight line, so more power isn't going to help his accuracy. He just keeps wailing at the balls and still has little success.

His instructor says "Dude you're trying too hard. You gotta get the ball in the box. You need to be confident about serving the ball in the box."
He wouldn't be in the wrong to call his instructor a jackass. 

Now, let's say his instructor instead said "Hey, you need to work on your aim right now. Whatever power is most comfortable is fine to serve with right now. You're a right handed player so take the toe of you're left foot and point it at the post on the right side of the net. Keep your feet parallel. Now your body is lined up to serve towards the box. So, toss the ball in the air and serve naturally with whatever power is comfortable. Hit it as hard as you want for all I care."

Then the player follows the concrete instructions of the instructor. Cause "Trying to hard" or "being confident" isn't as instantly understood at "place your feet parallel to each other." or "Aim your left toe at the right post on the net if you're right handed and vice versa if you're left handed." 

Eventually with enough practice and trying very very hard, Actually the more effort put into it the better as long as he's not blindsided by what's causing him to fail [trying to figure out the flaws in a system in order to make it work is still trying], he'll have a decent serve.



What I'm saying is that a lot of things people say when they think they're giving such amazingly great advice are things that don't make sense to the person hearing it cause the term isn't well defined. If I see you playing marvel vs capcom 3 and losing a lot and you haven't played the game very much you probably will be a little confused if I say you need to use DHC in order to tag your characters in safer and that wave dashing is a very effective way to get it. Or if I told you to work on your footsies and learn how to zone and space.

That is roughly the equivalent of me hearing that I'm too nice or try to hard. I'm pretty sure most people here don't know what Zoning, spacing, wave dashing, DHC, or footsies mean when it applies to MvC3. And if you were asking me for advice on the game I would probably explain these terms first.


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## 626Stitch (Oct 22, 2010)

> I like it because I'm a little angry at the world and want to help bring about it's destruction.


Great some kid in Iraq is going to have his legs blowed of because you didnt get laid.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

626Stitch said:


> Great some kid in Iraq is going to have his legs blowed of because you didnt get laid.


What?! This is ridiculous!!!
How do you know it will be Iraq specifically? What if sell them to switzerland? Ever think about the violence there?!!! huh!? What about all the war going on out there and the kid's and the guns the bombs!!!


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Do you think any of this has to do with you ? Why do_ you _think you`re not getting the girl ? If you believe you're doing everything right, what is it about women you meet that don't seem to connect with you ? Are you a likeable person, are you interesting ? Do you often meet women that are interesting ? What would be your next move if you found a lady who was interesting ? Would you be looking for a hook up, or something deeper ? If you answered hook up, consider that the average women is looking for something deeper. 

Men can strike out often with women, especially if they aren't connecting. Are you surrounding yourself with people who have a goal, are motivated ? It's been my experience you can decrease your interactions with the right people if hanging with the wrong people. You may want to look around you, ask yourself " are people in your life holding you back from making better/different choices overall. I'm not assuming this is the case here, just something to think about.

I could be reading way too much into your little issue, although something is telling me there is more to this story. People on average who are out there making connections usually have a good chance of hooking up.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Do you think any of this has to do with you ? Why do_ you _think you`re not getting the girl ? If you believe you're doing everything right, what is it about women you meet that don't seem to connect with you ? Are you a likeable person, are you interesting ? Do you often meet women that are interesting ? What would be your next move if you found a lady who was interesting ? Would you be looking for a hook up, or something deeper ? If you answered hook up, consider that the average women is looking for something deeper.
> 
> Men can strike out often with women, especially if they aren't connecting. Are you surrounding yourself with people who have a goal, are motivated ? It's been my experience you can decrease your interactions with the right people if hanging with the wrong people. You may want to look around you, ask yourself " are people in your life holding you back from making better/different choices overall. I'm not assuming this is the case here, just something to think about.
> 
> I could be reading way too much into your little issue, although something is telling me there is more to this story. People on average who are out there making connections usually have a good chance of hooking up.


....the title of the thread is "What the fuck is wrong with me."
Which implies that it's something about me.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Chimerical said:


> ....the title of the thread is "What the fuck is wrong with me."
> Which implies that it's something about me.


What do your friends tell you ? Have you talked with people in your reality about this issue ? What do they think ? I think people who know you personally would have a better shot at helping you figure yourself out.


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> I was drunk off my ass walking to my friend house to get even drunker and crying. I left the bar cause I was fed up. I'd had enough of this bullshit. I look at my text messages and wanted to crush my phone. I wanted to destroy the world that night.
> 
> This was monday, my birthday. I'm 29 years old, my birthday is october the 8th and I've never once had sex on my birthday.
> 
> ...


I found this entertaining. Killing yourself because you're a desperate virgin.


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

I've tried hooking up with women just for sex, it really doesn't work. And this ego thing of yours cutting off people when they say no to your grandiose visions of getting laid on your birthday,I've had grandiose visions myself, I detect a little bit of selfishness here? I'm not the best dating coach,but a lot of people think I'm narcissistic, because I've shown in the past, no regard of empathy for other people. Saying to women "have sex with me on my birthday," just sounds so 'Me selfish'-narcissistic. How about have sex on their 29th birthday? How about forgetting the idea of striking up a conversation with a women just so you can get laid, and start conversing for the sake of conversing. Rejection is the nature of the beast though. This is just my opinion, but I've been told by guys they know women who hate me just because I want to use them for sex. I could be wrong, but I think that's suppose to be a misogynistic idea, just using the other half for sexual purposes. Not all plans are the best, and I've had to throw a lot out, as I look into reality. 

But focus more on other people, not yourself. Of course, if we are so desperate, there's always sex internet dating sites.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> What do your friends tell you ? Have you talked with people in your reality about this issue ? What do they think ? I think people who know you personally would have a better shot at helping you figure yourself out.


Well... I just read the rest of your other post.
*TIMELINE!!!*
Before: wasn't looking for shit, but then got a crush on some girl. Sheeeee had a boyfriend, but we were friends. Sorta. We didn't really hang out, just saw each other at track and field practice. And that was highschool and I didn't hang out with anyone other than my friend charles and traceton, who I only hung out with if they came over to my house and drug me out of it. Good times. Happy times when I didn't really care.

Then: I met some girl I liked lots and lots and we were good friends. yey!! She'd call me up and wanna hang out. I was too shy to say I liked her. Oh well. We still went out and watched plays and went to parties and got drunk and stuff. Maybe she liked me? What's it matter if she did we didn't stay in touch really. And that's a long time ago and lot's of hindsight that's not helpful now. 

Very shortly after: Some crazy girl I met online was all overly obsessed with me and thought I was amazing cause I wrote a lot of blogs about this girl Ashley I liked that I knew from high school and was too shy to let know I liked. Seriously this girl was nuts [wish I noticed that sooner]. I hooked up with some skanky slut [a term I don't use loosely. I respect women. I don't even think there's anything wrong with sleeping around either. But.... when you... well you'll see. It's pretty hard to with hold judgments here] I had met at a party two weeks ago. She seemed like such a nice girl, really sweet etc. etc.. As I was walking home with my friend Eric who was over for the weekend she came walking with us. While at the house started making out and got naked and all that and we had sex. Yey, no more virginity... I've been looking for mine but can't find it... have you seen it? Then she had sex with Eric... oh... sigh... thought we had a connection. Then Saturday came and she slept with three guys at one of the parties... ouch... I guess it wasn't that special losing my V-card after all... Oh well, I really like Ashley. Yey!!

Meanwhile, back on the interwebs. Some girl named Ashley also seemed to dig the whole "I really like this other Ashley but I'm too shy to say it." theme I seemed to have when I wrote. Other Ashley went to a school I was going to go look at... and well, I went down there. We watched American history X and she said "let's have sex?" "Um.. I really like this other Ashley chick though." "Well you're not dating her, let's have sex." "I really like her a lot though." "Guilt trips!!!! *I'M NOT PRETTY!!!!*" "eh... *empathy sets in* um... well" "Do you think I'm pretty? *horrible look of depression*" "Well... *sympathy sets in* Sure... let's have sex."

That kinda sucked.

After that back at home: I'm relaxing on ma day off. Enjoying my DS I got a few days ago cause it just came o
ut... but... no games on it, so I'm playing Zelda the minish cap for the gba [amazing game]. And I had started talking to Ashley and told her I liked her. She said we should go ice skating sometime since I've never been ice skating before. Sounds like fun. YEY!! *phone ringing*. What the hell? what's this number? "Um, hi... who's this?"
"It's Liz!!! "
"Liz who? Cause I'm pretty sure you aren't my cousin."
"Liz, from xanga!!!"
"Um... *realization* OH. Seriously *realization*. Wait! How'd you get my number? I never gave you that."
"Yeah you did. You posted it on Xanga."
After checking xanga it was discovered that 2 years and endless amounts of blogs before I met this girl I had indeed posted my phone number. When I had only 1 friend on the site. Who asked me for my number. Told you she was crazy.
"I think I'd remember if I gave it to you. I may have posted it..."
"Wanna go out?"
"No, not really. This is actually a little creepy. Aaaaaand there's a man at my door with a pizza igottagogoodbye. *click*"

*insert family drama and me moving out of the house and in with my friend charles [one of the two people I actually hung out with in highschool]*
Fast forward to the part where, using my phone, he texts Ashley all sorts of horrible things. Calling her filthy names and such. She's not sure if it was me or him when I explain how I went to the bathroom and came back to my room to find this happen. We never went ice skating [Something I actually refuse to do for the rest of my life]. *tears*

*insert my moving out of the house into my mothers house [who's pretty insane as well]*. 

After that: The point in my life where every single girl I was attracted to just wanted to be friends with me and never anything more. They didn't even ask me to go ice skating with them. Friends are cool and all, but this totally sucked ass. *phone ringing, the new phone with the new number that's not posted on the interwebs* "Hello? who's this?"
"It's Liz!!! " 
". o O (how in the fu...) Hi... what's up liz?"
"Wanna go out?"
"No not really, how'd you get my number?"
"Let's go hang out sometime in the park. I'm free tomorrow."
"Sure.... I don't see why not." I guess it's true when they say you shouldn't be too nice.

Somewhere in there empathy set in and I started to feel sorry for this girl, who probably works for the fbi. "Hey, give it a try man, you never know you might like her, ha huh!!!" a friend said. Against my better judgment we started dating [Stupid idea. Never date anyone just because you feel sorry for them. Especially if they're crazy].

Even further: Broke up with the crazy girl for the 50th time. This time I had a plan and it worked!!! it worked!!! I"M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinging in the rain!!! happy as a clam. Why didn't I think of it before? Find another guy, who's also a little bit crazy and really really desperate. Set them up on a double date with your female friend [who doesn't exist]. Gary's going on a date with miss imagination while I'm on a date with Liz. Talk about things they're both interested in until they get to talking when you have your friend call your phone and you act like it's really important and get up and leave before you place your drink order. Brilliant!!!! I'm not one to brag but I'm a genius. Okay, not really, took a little while to figure that one out. I break up with her. We go hang out againa dn I find another excuse to leave again. Then Gary calls me up a few days later "Hey, uh, I know Liz is your ex and all. You wouldn't be mad if we were dating would you?" "Oh, no bro. Not at all. I mean... uh, I'll be a little upset. Nothing I can't handle. Let love takes it's course." "Oh, cool dude, thanks." "SWEET JESUS HALLELUIAH!!!" "Uh... what?" "Oh, I'm playing street fighter with my brother right now. I just won the match." "Oh, I don't hear any..." "There's a guy at the door with a pizza gottapaythemanseeyoulaterbye. *click*"

The darkness commences: Back to being single and having lot's of lady friends. None of whom are interested in me, or ask me to go ice skating [not that I'd do that with them anyway]. I meet some guy named Ryo. He seems cool. He's funny and sarcastic. We become friends. Somewhere in here [I'm 23-24ish] I hit a breaking point. Not like something snapping as much as being chipped away little by little. Getting weaker and weaker till it can't support itself anymore. One day I'm asking my friend Rachel for advice with girls [something I never actually did before]. Her advice sucks ass but I think it's great and I try it. But the thing is, I didn't really understand it and thought it was silly to not be nice to people. Why would I want to stop being nice to people [Don't mention crazy internet girls. I get it. It's not always beneficial to be nice, but hey she's currently married to Gary and has two kids. ]. 

Then I start to feel a little frustrated that girls don't like me, but it's no big deal really. I've got cool friends like Rachel and Ryo. What's it matter if you have friends right?

Later: Me and Ryo are down on our luck and apply to Cedar point. Me mostly cause I lost my job and can't pay my rent and need both a job and place to stay, which CP offers. My car is broken down and in an impound... it was a piece of shit anyway. I loved it though... I'll miss you car. <3. I'm actually out of cash too. So I ask all of my friends if they can loan me $14 so I can ride the greyhound to CP or if they'll give me a ride out there and I'll pay them back $100 on my first pay check and give them the four free tickets I get from working there. This is a very effective way to figure out how many of your friends are only your friends when you have something of monetary value to offer them.

Well, about a 30 mile walk later I have very little faith in humanity, I'm tired, and I'm at my new job and home. While working there I met a girl. And Introduced her to my friend Ryo. I liked her. He knew I liked her. She knew I liked her. She even hinted and led on that she liked me too. Which seemed pretty cool. Like when she kissed me and said I make her feel special and it gave me butterflies. . Ryo asked if I liked her one night. I said "Well, yeah. Why do you ask, are you into her?" "Oh, no. I don't like her. What time do you get off work tomorrow?" "I'll be back in the dorm around 9ish. Bowling?" "Yeah, let's go bowling tomorrow."

I got off work early that day. I come in my dorm room and find Ryo and stupidskank in bed naked together. "Oh, ow shit fuck!!!" I say as I grab my back. With concern in his voice Ryo says "Dude are you okay? What's wrong?" In a perfectly healthy voice with a posture that expressed there is in fact nothing wrong I say "Oh, I'm fine I just had a sharp pain in my back like someone put a knife there." I hear and awkward "Oh... still wanna go bowling." I give the very cold "Sure Ryo, let's go bowling later. You're buying all of my drinks tonight." He didn't buy any of my drinks. 

After that: I became a very bitter person who trusts no one and refuses to ever go ice skating.
Getting attached to a person seems like a mistake. It scares me. This wasn't an instant process. I met other girls who I liked. One time I actually dated someone I liked as much as I liked Ashley [Deb. Deb was awesome] but my family spread us apart cause they didn't like her [I'm not so close with my family anymore]. I met Amy, who dumped me and started dating my best friend at the time, Ed. I had really liked Amy. Might've even been love. I've had many friends who I fell for [some I didn't fall for] only to be heart broken and hurt and tossed to the side.

One thing I can't stop doing is caring about the well being of people. When I say I wanna be an arms dealer it's more of me wishing I was actually that cold and callous. I envy a banker, assassin, arms dealer, conman, etc. for their apathy. I can't walk by a homeless man without talking to him and seeing if there's something I can do to make his day better. I really wish I didn't give a shit about people.

I wish I could be a back stabbing disloyal bastard too. I wish I was able to go through with cheating on a girl. Or outright lying to someone's face about something important.

I'm just a guy who's lost his faith in people and is afraid of getting hurt. I was never good with girls before. I'm not good with them now. I'm worse than I was before actually, cause I just don't trust anyone and am unhappy that people suck so much. I know I need to work on this and be happier in life. It's just very difficult.


I wrote you a book here. And this should probably be a blog [actually it will be a blog]. And sorry about me venting all of this out. Shit sucks and all but I shouldn't be abusing the privilege of a shoulder to cry on.



confuddled said:


> I found this entertaining. Killing yourself because you're a desperate virgin.


Where did it say I was a virgin?
I think I missed that part


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> Where did it say I was a virgin?
> I think I missed that part


Well you ARE a virgin, are you not? And you're desperate; so desperate in fact that you'll consider yourself a failure of a human being if you can't shove your shlong in someone's peewee by the time you hit say, 30.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

confuddled said:


> Well you ARE a virgin, are you not? And you're desperate; so desperate in fact that you'll consider yourself a failure of a human being if you can't shove your shlong in someone's peewee by the time you hit say, 30.


Is this what you do to feel better about yourself?
Make accusations about a person you don't know to try and rile them up. Does that make your day? Pissing people off?

How is your day going by the way? You seem rather concerned about the amount of people I've slept with, why is this?


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## Thinker96 (Feb 24, 2010)

I didn't read all the pages but the first post. So am I getting this right? 

You feel suicidal and like crap because no girl will fuck you on your birthday?


...shit...and I thought my problems were worthy of feeling like crap about.


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## DemonD (Jun 12, 2012)

I stopped reading as soon as I realized I was reading it with a drunk person's voice.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

Thinker96 said:


> I didn't read all the pages but the first post. So am I getting this right?
> 
> You feel suicidal and like crap because no girl will fuck you on your birthday?
> 
> ...


in hind sight it does seem rather silly. 



DemonD said:


> I stopped reading as soon as I realized I was reading it with a drunk person's voice.


This made me laugh actually. I reread your post in a drunk persons voice to imagine this and thought . o O (yeah... that's pretty bad...)

So, hopefully this will make you laugh too. I think it's pretty funny.


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## DemonD (Jun 12, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The last second did make me laugh.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

DemonD said:


> The last second did make me laugh.


The "that's what she said" part?


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## DemonD (Jun 12, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> The "that's what she said" part?


Yeah. :laughing:


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

A guy trying too hard usually agrees with everything I say, pushes any conversation about sex/relationship past it's natural point where it should end. Switches back to sex/relationship topic after I've changed the subject, very off-putting. Gives too many compliments, making them the main points and anticipates my reacting or responding to them. Won't even hint at lighthearted joke type of insult even if I've just directed one towards him. Is always available. Overall makes me feel like the centre of his world, like all his hopes are on me and I've not even suggested that I might be interested. 

A guy not trying too hard is friendly, he makes some effort to interact with me but not too much. He shows he's interested but also gives me the impression that it's no big deal if I'm not. He slips in the odd compliment, but it isn't the main point of what he's saying, almost like it's by accident. He doesn't appear to anticipate any responses to compliments he gives. When it comes to lighthearted joke type insults, he gives as good as he gets. He switches from sex/relationship topic himself sometimes and doesn't try to steer the conversation back to it if it's naturally flowing in another direction. He's not too nice but he's not an asshole either. He never shows a level of interest that's much higher than the level that I'm showing. He doesn't mention other women but his lack of desperate-ness and because he's playing it cool keeps me guessing as to how many offers he gets elsewhere. But also whatever you do, don't _imply_ that you have other offers either because that will totally fuck it up. 

It's not easy to achieve that kind of balance by faking it either, which is why people say things like be confident and be yourself. You've got to have that frame of mind to some extent otherwise you won't come across as such. It's not actually about learning how to act around women, it's more like unlearning the negative tactics and mindset that you have as a result of not being very lucky with women to start with. When guys resent women, it leaks out in various ways that she senses as not being quite right. 

Does that help with the concrete applications?


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

Neverontime said:


> A guy trying too hard usually agrees with everything I say, pushes any conversation about sex/relationship past it's natural point where it should end. Switches back to sex/relationship topic after I've changed the subject, very off-putting. Gives too many compliments, making them the main points and anticipates my reacting or responding to them. Won't even hint at lighthearted joke type of insult even if I've just directed one towards him. Is always available. Overall makes me feel like the centre of his world, like all his hopes are on me and I've not even suggested that I might be interested.
> 
> A guy not trying too hard is friendly, he makes some effort to interact with me but not too much. He shows he's interested but also gives me the impression that it's no big deal if I'm not. He slips in the odd compliment, but it isn't the main point of what he's saying, almost like it's by accident. He doesn't appear to anticipate any responses to compliments he gives. When it comes to lighthearted joke type insults, he gives as good as he gets. He switches from sex/relationship topic himself sometimes and doesn't try to steer the conversation back to it if it's naturally flowing in another direction. He's not too nice but he's not an asshole either. He never shows a level of interest that's much higher than the level that I'm showing. He doesn't mention other women but his lack of desperate-ness and because he's playing it cool keeps me guessing as to how many offers he gets elsewhere. But also whatever you do, don't _imply_ that you have other offers either because that will totally fuck it up.
> 
> ...


Seriously. I didn't read anything past the trying to hard part.
What the fuck does that mean?


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

Neverontime said:


> A guy trying too hard usually agrees with everything I say, pushes any conversation about sex/relationship past it's natural point where it should end. Switches back to sex/relationship topic after I've changed the subject, very off-putting. Gives too many compliments, making them the main points and anticipates my reacting or responding to them. Won't even hint at lighthearted joke type of insult even if I've just directed one towards him. Is always available. Overall makes me feel like the centre of his world, like all his hopes are on me and I've not even suggested that I might be interested.
> 
> A guy not trying too hard is friendly, he makes some effort to interact with me but not too much. He shows he's interested but also gives me the impression that it's no big deal if I'm not. He slips in the odd compliment, but it isn't the main point of what he's saying, almost like it's by accident. He doesn't appear to anticipate any responses to compliments he gives. When it comes to lighthearted joke type insults, he gives as good as he gets. He switches from sex/relationship topic himself sometimes and doesn't try to steer the conversation back to it if it's naturally flowing in another direction. He's not too nice but he's not an asshole either. He never shows a level of interest that's much higher than the level that I'm showing. He doesn't mention other women but his lack of desperate-ness and because he's playing it cool keeps me guessing as to how many offers he gets elsewhere. But also whatever you do, don't _imply_ that you have other offers either because that will totally fuck it up.
> 
> ...


Okay, I read it and now I feel like a dick because of my last post.
Soo.... I don't do any of the things you said a guy who's trying to hard does. Check. Well, I don't know how the hell I make a girl feel, but I don't revolve around... Well I just don't really do what you said there. But...

I say I'm interested in a girl and figure it doesn't need to be mentioned more than once. Check.
Can't say I show that it's not a big deal if she isn't interested. Sometimes I fuck that shit up. Something to work on.
I"m very honest and blunt about compliments. Maybe a bit too much, or too little. I don't know, if I see a girl with a nice smile I say it. If I like her dress I mention it. If there's nothing going on that I care to mention I don't go looking for something. 
Anticipation of responses... not really. I do anticipate responses to somethings I say. Usually some kind of joke like "Look at your friend. Now back to me. Now back to your friend. Back to me. I am not [friend's name]. I'm waving at you. Look at the ceiling. Back to me. Where's your beer. I have your beer..." I expect the response to be "Hey that's my beer!" and I usually say something like "I'm just messing with you, but that was pretty funny. Just wondered if it'd work."

Generally don't insult people. Should I? Okay I'm a sucker for short jokes if a chicks short and has a sense of humor. Like asking if she bakes cookies in a tree for a living.
I try to avoid relationship topics because they depress me. Is this a bad idea?
I sometimes hide how interested I am. Other times I'll say something like "You know, you're the most awesome chick I've ever met her. You're cute, funny, and [whatever the fuck it is I find interesting about her]. I kinda like you and would like to stay in touch." Why... well the whydoesn't matter. What do you think?

I don't bring up other women. But if the topic arises I've been known to sometimes avoid the topic or succumb to my honesty and mention that shit don't work out. what about that? I never imply I have other women, becuase I don't. and that's fucked up to imply such a thing.

This is much more concrete than anything else I've ever heard and seems to make sense and a lot more useful.

Also sorry about the initial response. You get the idea, hear the same shit all the time. But sorry.


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

I think you might be revealing -everything- too quickly and it is scaring off potential girlfriends. Consider that you shouldn't just want -any- girl, but someone who makes you truly happy and appreciates you and thinks you are attractive. Instead of thinking that you have been rejected, consider that at least they aren't stringing you along and made the decision for you up front that it won't work, see it as an opportunity to move on to better things.

I went on a date with someone who I wasn't completely sure if I was attracted to or not, who came on very very strongly which put my guard up even though he was funny and interesting and we had such a great time together. I didn't let him know I was thinking this because I didn't want to scare him off in case he was a great catch, which seemed like he might be other than that initial gut feeling that he might seem like he is trying too hard and that there had to be a reason why. Luckily I found out that it was just his personality to be very open and blunt and that if he liked something, he showed that he liked it very strongly. What sealed it for me was that he is an incredibly busy person with his own life and distance totally made the heart grow stronger (not physical distance, but being apart for a few days before seeing each other again). After that initial date he was no longer an open book and almost the complete opposite. I was intrigued by it. How I feel now is almost the complete opposite of when we met, where my bristles were up and I was very cautious about him getting too close. Now I can't imagine ever feeling that way again.

So some practical advice:
* Even though you get a larger pool of potential girls by accepting a larger distance physically, I would stick to 40 miles or less, that way you don't get the distance excuse (which is valid, in my opinion) and if things -do- go well, it will be so much easier.
* Be a mystery, even once you get to know the girl - open up if she wants you to open up, but until she has told you that she is interested in you, be a closed book. Smile and be courteous, but don't reveal everything.
* Be busy - find something you are passionate about and be busy with it. It is comforting to know that someone I might date is independent and will not be relying on me financially or emotionally - when I read your first post, the red flags went up - she should never see something like that from you until you are in a relationship because it will scare her away. Not only will she respect you more, but you will have something to take your mind off the dating scene.

Just want to add, I'm 24 and I have also never had sex on my birthday (honestly I thought that's what married people do lol and it was more of a "we never have sex so we HAVE to on my birthday"). So don't feel badly about it  If a guy expected me to have sex with him just because it was his birthday it would turn me off to be honest lol.


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

I dunno, maybe you're just ugly... *shrug*


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

Chickadee said:


> I think you might be revealing -everything- too quickly and it is scaring off potential girlfriends. Consider that you shouldn't just want -any- girl, but someone who makes you truly happy and appreciates you and thinks you are attractive. Instead of thinking that you have been rejected, consider that at least they aren't stringing you along and made the decision for you up front that it won't work, see it as an opportunity to move on to better things.
> 
> I went on a date with someone who I wasn't completely sure if I was attracted to or not, who came on very very strongly which put my guard up even though he was funny and interesting and we had such a great time together. I didn't let him know I was thinking this because I didn't want to scare him off in case he was a great catch, which seemed like he might be other than that initial gut feeling that he might seem like he is trying too hard and that there had to be a reason why. Luckily I found out that it was just his personality to be very open and blunt and that if he liked something, he showed that he liked it very strongly. What sealed it for me was that he is an incredibly busy person with his own life and distance totally made the heart grow stronger (not physical distance, but being apart for a few days before seeing each other again). After that initial date he was no longer an open book and almost the complete opposite. I was intrigued by it. How I feel now is almost the complete opposite of when we met, where my bristles were up and I was very cautious about him getting too close. Now I can't imagine ever feeling that way again.
> 
> ...


Not just any girl will do. I'm fishing for Salmon and Talapia and seem to catch a lot of Catfish and Bass [which I think is gross and am very uninterested in]. I'd rather starve than go without Salmon and Talapia. Just saying.

I guess I am pretty blunt about how I feel. Mostly honest compliments like "You've got very pretty eyes. They're greyish and look like they change colors." Or "I like your sense of humor." But only if I genuinely mean it. Despite me actually meaning it and not doing it to flatter a girl and try to get a reaction that's going to work in my favor I feel as if some girls seem to think I'm doing it for this reason. So sometimes I don't say anything along those lines and feel held back and awkward because I can't say what I actually want to say... I guess this is something to deal with though.

Guess basically be a blank slate by default and only say something if you're asked for the info. But otherwise keep things fun and all that jazz.

I don't understand at all what to say to some cute girl I see walking around college that I don't know and have no reason to talk to other than I think she's cute and wanna see what she's all about. So I say nothing and keep on walking. I might smile at her [simply cause I know it usually causes people to smile when you smile at them.]

I don't think anyone's obligated to have sex with me on my birthday. But I can see how someone might get this idea. I would like to let someone know I'd want them to do it, but it's not something they have to do. Cause I'd want the person who did to do it cause they wanted to and also want to make me happy on my birthday [key word being want].



Rachel Something said:


> I dunno, maybe you're just ugly... *shrug*


Naw... I here compliments about my hair. I'm told I'm in excellent shape [I'm sexy and I know it. I work out. Girl look at that body. I work out]. I'm told I have a pretty face.

From the random compliments I get on looks I'm pretty sure this isn't the case.


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm just curious, but what type are you? You sound like someone I know IRL.


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

If within a few weeks/months of knowing someone it turned out that the very thought of me turned them hyper-emotional and suicidal...

...yeah, I would be turned off as fuck too. 

If you care that much about getting laid on your birthday then get a prostitute, seriously. If not, then just accept that people aren't going to drop it for you just because it's your birthday; if you only care about someone so far as being able to get laid on your birthday then yeah, you really may as well be fucking a hooker.


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> Is this what you do to feel better about yourself?
> Make accusations about a person you don't know to try and rile them up. Does that make your day? Pissing people off?


Your insight concerning my behaviour is supernatural.



Chimerical said:


> How is your day going by the way? You seem rather concerned about the amount of people I've slept with, why is this?


You actually care about me? You're such a nice guy, hence why you're still a virgin. Please let me be the first person who knows of your first time living your chimerical fantasies.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

Chickadee said:


> I'm just curious, but what type are you? You sound like someone I know IRL.


That one type. You know the one that does the thing and they usually are into that other thing. that one.



Falling Leaves said:


> If within a few weeks/months of knowing someone it turned out that the very thought of me turned them hyper-emotional and suicidal...
> 
> ...yeah, I would be turned off as fuck too.
> 
> If you care that much about getting laid on your birthday then get a prostitute, seriously. If not, then just accept that people aren't going to drop it for you just because it's your birthday; if you only care about someone so far as being able to get laid on your birthday then yeah, you really may as well be fucking a hooker.


Yeah... You're missing a lot here.
It's not one person that makes me feel upset. It's everyone I ever liked wanting to be just friends. Friends stabbing me in the back. To a point where I just don't want to be emotionally attached to anyone ever. Cause it never works out.

Basically, I was happy without a care in the world and some girl I liked rejected me and I didn't care. Then other girls rejected me too and I still didn't care. After high school was over and the few girls I liked all didn't want to date me I was a little bummed out. I was friends with all of them and only asked them out once. Never pressed the issue and managed to remain pretty happy.

College, same shit. So when I was 19 and started going to parties I'd run into the same shit. One day I met a girl I really liked who was pretty cool. After about a month or so she came home with me and we had sex, which was really unexpected to me. I thought we were gonna watch a movie and cuddle. shortly after [as in about 5 minutes after] she had sex with my friend who was over there. The next night at a party she'd slept with like 3 guys.

I was pretty bummed out, but didn't let it get me down. 
Basically over a period of time I started wondering if anyone will ever like me. And all the times people said no it got to me. And that's why I get suicidally depressed. Not cause of one girl, that's silly.



confuddled said:


> Your insight concerning my behaviour is supernatural.
> 
> 
> 
> You actually care about me? You're such a nice guy, hence why you're still a virgin. Please let me be the first person who knows of your first time living your chimerical fantasies.


So, what are you trying to accomplish by posting this?


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

Well then maybe you just have really funky breath... *shrug*


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

Okay nevermind lol I don't know "that one type" at all.


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> So, what are you trying to accomplish by posting this?


To teach you the error of your ways of course.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

Chickadee said:


> Okay nevermind lol I don't know "that one type" at all.


That's unfortunate. Okay, not really at all. If you don't know my type you don't make random judgments based on I should be said way that usually are off. You actually read what I have to say and respond to that and not to four letters you're looking at. So, this is how I keep things.



confuddled said:


> To teach you the error of your ways of course.


Are you aware of the term "Self righteous asshole"?


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> Are you aware of the term "Self righteous asshole"?


Only the asshole part.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Chimerical said:


> Naw... I here compliments about my hair. I'm told I'm in excellent shape [I'm sexy and I know it. I work out. Girl look at that body. I work out]. I'm told I have a pretty face.
> 
> From the random compliments I get on looks I'm pretty sure this isn't the case.


So what is the problem ? I keep coming back to this because you make yourself sound like the ideal guy, yet this ideal guy is having a problem finding an ideal woman.

When is your birthday ? Is there still time to find yourself a FWB. If you're looking for a one night stand, why can't you find that ?

Btw i'm going to take a guess at your type. ISTP ? You don`t have to answer that


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> So what is the problem ? I keep coming back to this because you make yourself sound like the ideal guy, yet this ideal guy is having a problem finding an ideal woman.
> 
> When is your birthday ? Is there still time to find yourself a FWB. If you're looking for a one night stand, why can't you find that ?
> 
> Btw i'm going to take a guess at your type. ISTP ? You don`t have to answer that


I don't know what the problem is. I have no idea.
I talked to some girl for hours, got her number and her face book. We hung out almost every day and would talk for hours and hours and do fun things together. I'd make her laugh, she'd make me laugh. After about a month of hanging out and having fun times I told her I liked her and asked her out. She said she wasn't interested. I really haven't the slightest clue why she's not interested. I don't know what she saw in me that made her not want to date me. I don't know what I lacked that made her uninterested. I really don't get it. 

I felt crushed because I really liked her and this happens every time I really like someone. It wasn't her as much as it's everyone and the persistence of me not getting the girl and not having a fucking clue why I don't get the girl. Me and her stayed friends and still hung out, it was pretty awkward after I'd asked her out cause I was bummed out that yet again the girl I'm into just doesn't fucking like me and there's something horribly wrong with me.

Also, she said she thought I was cute. The girl who said no when I asked her out.

My birthday is october the 8th. It already passed. 
I don't know how to get a fwb. I don't know how to get a girlfriend. I don't know why girls I like don't fucking like me. I don't fucking get it and it get's to me. It makes me feel like complete shit. It makes me really self conscience about myself. I wonder if I'm boring or whatever.

Girls say they find my stories interesting and that it's cool I have a lot of hobbies and am good at a lot of things but they never fucking want to fuck me or date me or anything other than just being friends.


I've lucked out and gotta laid a few times here and there. Even found a girlfriend. She broke up with me and started dating my friend. I'm not good at just going out of the house and finding someone I don't know and starting up a conversation and getting contact info out of it, staying in touch and all that jazz. Or going and getting laid. Sometimes shit falls into my lap, but it's far out of my control. And it's very rare.


I listen to advice given. I follow advice given. I still end up meeting girls with boyfriends and girls that aren't into me. And it gets frustrating after a while and I start to get angry that I'm 29 and still don't understand this. I'm going to die alone. I don't want to feel anything. Wanting something you can't ever get fucking sucks so I say shit out of anger I don't mean and post fucking threads when I'm pissed off this shit doesn't work out. Then I give up and try to avoid girls altogether. I don't wanna be friends with anyone I like. I don't want to feel.

Then I meet someone I like and am compelled to try. I try to avoid it as much as I can but I do it anyway and end up getting hurt all over again and more frustrated than before that nothing ever works out. That's when I start thinking that suicide sounds really nice. Cause this is in my life all the time and it's something I can't avoid. I can't just stop feeling. I've tried. I also have very little success with girls despite trying to figure it out. So I want to die. I don't want to go through this anymore. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I don't know why girls don't like me. I don't fucking get it.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Chimerical said:


> My birthday. I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday. It's never once happened to me. I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. Some just ignore me when I say anything I have to say.
> 
> I wanted to kill myself that night.
> I just got really wasted instead. Went to my friends and got even drunker. Then went on OkCupid and ever message I sent got no reply.
> ...


You probably came off as desperate. When women see a guy without a date acting like he really needs to get laid, they start thinking "what's wrong with him?" "why doesn't anybody want him?" and pass him by. It's a well-known phenomenon that works for both girls and guys - you're most wanted when you act confidently as yourself and when you have someone, and least wanted when you are alone and acting despondent.

Good tip from one of the male friends of mine is before you go out to a bar or a club or anywhere else where you plan to hook up, prior to the outing masturbate and get yourself off, several times if you have to. This way you don't have that pressure build up from wanting to have sex that will make you appear clingy and desperate and serve as a turn off for girls.


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

Chimerical said:


> That's unfortunate. Okay, not really at all. If you don't know my type you don't make random judgments based on I should be said way that usually are off. You actually read what I have to say and respond to that and not to four letters you're looking at. So, this is how I keep things.


No - I was just _curious_, and you threw it in my face. I've already read and responded to what you've said. I was looking for additional insight, not to label you or set you to a stereotype. You are being so caustic to everyone here that it is very difficult to see past all of it.


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

Chimerical said:


> Yeah... You're missing a lot here.
> It's not one person that makes me feel upset. It's everyone I ever liked wanting to be just friends. Friends stabbing me in the back. To a point where I just don't want to be emotionally attached to anyone ever. Cause it never works out.
> 
> Basically, I was happy without a care in the world and some girl I liked rejected me and I didn't care. Then other girls rejected me too and I still didn't care. After high school was over and the few girls I liked all didn't want to date me I was a little bummed out. I was friends with all of them and only asked them out once. Never pressed the issue and managed to remain pretty happy.
> ...


Welcome to my world. I have zero friends and have never dated anyone; pretty much every close friend I've had has wound up screwing me over in some way or another - so yeah, I get how crappy it is to feel lonely. I've resigned myself to the fact that being close to other people is bad for me. 

The point I was making with my post is that you can't really expect people to like you with such a negative attitude - or, if you're like me, you just act as though you don't give two shits about anybody. Do you honestly think that you're in a good enough mental place to be in a relationship? I don't. So if you only care about sex you may as well pay for a prostitute, because if a girl needs to use the fact it's your birthday to persuade herself to screw you then yeah, it's a pity fuck. 

If you want a more serious relationship I would really suggest dealing with your issues first. How you do that I don't know, you have to decide on what would work best for you.


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> *So what is the problem ? I keep coming back to this because you make yourself sound like the ideal guy, yet this ideal guy is having a problem finding an ideal woman.*
> 
> When is your birthday ? Is there still time to find yourself a FWB. If you're looking for a one night stand, why can't you find that ?
> 
> Btw i'm going to take a guess at your type. ISTP ? You don`t have to answer that


My guess is that he neglected to forward his chainmail... and now he's doomed to be forever alone. People don't realize that stuff actually works.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

cyamitide said:


> You probably came off as desperate. When women see a guy without a date acting like he really needs to get laid, they start thinking "what's wrong with him?" "why doesn't anybody want him?" and pass him by. It's a well-known phenomenon that works for both girls and guys - you're most wanted when you act confidently as yourself and when you have someone, and least wanted when you are alone and acting despondent.
> 
> Good tip from one of the male friends of mine is before you go out to a bar or a club or anywhere else where you plan to hook up, prior to the outing masturbate and get yourself off, several times if you have to. This way you don't have that pressure build up from wanting to have sex that will make you appear clingy and desperate and serve as a turn off for girls.


Maybe. Doesn't seem to matter anymore. I don't really care to learn why shit doesn't work. I refuse to try anymore. I just wish I didn't feel anything anymore.



Chickadee said:


> No - I was just _curious_, and you threw it in my face. I've already read and responded to what you've said. I was looking for additional insight, not to label you or set you to a stereotype. You are being so caustic to everyone here that it is very difficult to see past all of it.


Other places I've been people have spoken to 4 letters and not to me.
So I don't display them here. Not trying to be rude. What does Caustic mean?



Falling Leaves said:


> Welcome to my world. I have zero friends and have never dated anyone; pretty much every close friend I've had has wound up screwing me over in some way or another - so yeah, I get how crappy it is to feel lonely. I've resigned myself to the fact that being close to other people is bad for me.
> 
> The point I was making with my post is that you can't really expect people to like you with such a negative attitude - or, if you're like me, you just act as though you don't give two shits about anybody. Do you honestly think that you're in a good enough mental place to be in a relationship? I don't. So if you only care about sex you may as well pay for a prostitute, because if a girl needs to use the fact it's your birthday to persuade herself to screw you then yeah, it's a pity fuck.
> 
> If you want a more serious relationship I would really suggest dealing with your issues first. How you do that I don't know, you have to decide on what would work best for you.


Yeah, sex isn't the only thing I want. And you seem to be all about throwing shit in my face and telling me I'm a horrible person. 
I've made it clear that I actually want a relationship. But no one likes me. You say that I'm not ready for a relationship simply because I'm fucking frustrated and inferiated that it seems no one has every liked me. That I've had the girl I lost my V-card to go and screw 4 other guys in less than 24 hours after I lost it. Being pissed about these sorts of things happening apparently makes me unready for a relationship. I fail to see your logic. Anyone would be pissed about that happening. My first crush was when I was 15, I'm 29, this is a 14 year time span of shitty luck, where I've dated three girls within that time. Of the three one I really loved and she ditched me for a friend of mine. Because I'm upset by this I'm not ready for a relationship.

I don't see how. I'm going to be upset by this for a while and rightfully so. I'm not thinking some bullshit like "I deserve to be with someone and no one's giving me what I deserve..." I'm thinking "I really WANT [not deserve] to find someone special and have no control over this desire. I have no control over how upset I feel when I don't get what I want. I still want it and never seem to get it and it get's to me. So I try to avoid the desire and do other things. Or despite wanting a relationship I will go for just sex and try not to be attached because my body seems to want that. I don't get that either."

Then you say fucked up things like "Go get a prostitute." 
Seriously no. I want someone who actually wants me for me. I want someone to like me for me. I don't want someone to like my money and do things for me because I paid them. I want them to willingly desire to do these things. I do things for people because I want to do them for that person and I want [not think I deserve] people to do the same for me. But no one ever does and it get's really fucking old after a while.




Rachel Something said:


> My guess is that he neglected to forward his chainmail... and now he's doomed to be forever alone. People don't realize that stuff actually works.


Yup. I remember missing out on one of those. It said I'd never find love for the rest of my life if I didn't forward it.


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

Everyone - I think Chimerical is just really hurting right now.

@Chimerical - you can request this thread to be closed, if you want, since you are the OP. Just contact one of the mods.

I sincerely hope things get better for you. Not pity, just respect and sincere well wishes.


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