# what kind of personalities INTJs seem to attract?



## egsomy (Jan 12, 2012)

I've taken the MBTI test several times and its seems that I'm an INTJ .I've also noticed that ExFxs are attracted to me more than any type .What about you?


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

Those in need of being grounded. I'm fairly good at being the stable rock people can rely on for kind advice. And in return I'm attracted to those who are extroverted and emotional, though of course, maturely so. I like the balance of being so different. Of course, this is due to my own life experiences and has other things involved.


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

I like INTJs when they're balanced. They're nice to have on a project team, as long as they haven't let themselves slip and reached that lack of creativity. They also add some afterthought that I sometimes lack.


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## egsomy (Jan 12, 2012)

What about romantic relationships?


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## CorgiGirl (Jan 3, 2011)

I'm not an INTJ but I know a couple. One's married to an ENFJ but I'm not sure what attracted her (the ENFJ) to him, she's never come out and said it. Their both sort of geeky though she's more of a closet geek and he makes it more obvious. Another INTJ I know dated an ESTP but that relationship may not have been a very good representation of an INTJ relationship as he had recently been unhealthy enough to look like an ESFP (went to his shadow or whatever it's called) and he said that the ESTP made it pretty one sided.


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## L'Empereur (Jun 7, 2010)

I don't attract anyone.


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## huiwcleon (Dec 30, 2011)

L'Empereur said:


> I don't attract anyone.


No one. I attract no one.


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## pmj85 (Jul 31, 2010)

You should try swapping your T for an F, then.

One subtle change and BAM! People clinging on to you for no easily discernible reason. Both infuriating _and_ confusing.


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

I have two INTJ exes...


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

In my experiences (not romantic attraction), 

ISTPs, ISFPs (I'm a seemingly inexplicable ISFP magnet, haha), ENTJs, INTJs, INTPs, INFPs, INFJs, ISTJs, sometimes ESTPs and ENTPs

I've had less consistency with the rest. Nevertheless, I've attracted at least someone from every type. What's the purpose of this thread?


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## egsomy (Jan 12, 2012)

I started this thread mainly for these reasons:
1-Plain curiosity.
2-To maybe find the reason why I seem to attract touchy feely extroverts although I keep on an emotional and physical distance between me and them.
So far no conclusion.


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## egsomy (Jan 12, 2012)

pmj85 said:


> You should try swapping your T for an F, then.
> 
> One subtle change and BAM! People clinging on to you for no easily discernible reason. Both infuriating _and_ confusing.


I don't want people clinging on to me but thanks for your time anyway.


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## pmj85 (Jul 31, 2010)

Sarcasm fail.


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## egsomy (Jan 12, 2012)

pmj85 said:


> Sarcasm fail.


I wasn't being sarcastic.


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## pmj85 (Jul 31, 2010)

No, but I was being incredibly sarcastic with my original post. The "Fail" wasn't really aimed at you specifically, I was merely commenting on how my sarcasm got lost in translation as you (apparently) took my post at face value and thought I was offering advice.

My bad, of course. I forget that text based communication often requires the use of smiley faces and winks to properly convey the undertones of a message. Unless this is all a cunning ruse and your last message was posted with the intention of turning the tables, eh?

I guess we'll never know.


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## PulpFictionFan (Jul 12, 2010)

egsomy said:


> I started this thread mainly for these reasons:
> 1-Plain curiosity.
> 2-To maybe find the reason why I seem to attract touchy feely extroverts although I keep on an emotional and physical distance between me and them.
> So far no conclusion.


I have this same exact problem, OMG!! I attract those touchy, feely types too but I usually pass them by because I'm the exact opposite of them. At work right now, I've got this clingy ENFP chick who won't leave me the fuck alone no matter what I do or say. It's like I'm Charlie Harper and she's Rose from Two and A Half Men. AUGH!!!


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## egsomy (Jan 12, 2012)

We'll never know.


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## egsomy (Jan 12, 2012)

SlayerFan said:


> I have this same exact problem, OMG!! I attract those touchy, feely types too but I usually pass them by because I'm the exact opposite of them. At work right now, I've got this clingy ENFP chick who won't leave me the fuck alone no matter what I do or say. It's like I'm Charlie Harper and she's Rose from Two and A Half Men. AUGH!!!


It is nice to know that I'm not alone.ENFP chicks make me feel like a rockstar but they disturb my lines of thought and I hate that!


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## Autumn Raven (Jun 28, 2011)

Hmm.
Well, I don't consider myself touchy or feely, but surely our idea of the two differ.
I am drawn to the INTJ because of how contrasting our personalities are. I've always found them to be intriguing. Though this may be a recipe for disaster, the unfamiliar territory is so tempting. I crave discovery in a relationship, and there is novelty in the pursuit of it. 
Trying to understand one another is interesting for _awhile_, but being an attention hungry INFP, it is very difficult to sustain a fulfilling relationship with one who is not usually very giving in that department.


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## silberlied (Jan 16, 2012)

I was getting some serious attention from another INTJ once. We became quick friends, and wouldn't leave each other alone for a couple months... but then we almost killed each other.
Now most of my friends are xxTPs, and I enjoy them whether they are introverted or extroverted. My INTPs love me no matter how cruel I am (xNTPs are the BEST), however my best friend is an ISTJ and we never seem to be on the same page. The same thing happened with a good friend that I suspect may have been ISTP. It was the N/S difference that made us drift apart. 
I guess I don't really ever attract feelers. I tend to accidentally insult them just by being myself. Speak your mind and they will go away! haha.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

I have a disproportionate number of INTP and INFP friends. My INTP friend claims that she's an INTJ magnet. Maybe there's something there.


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## Xiong Mao (Apr 19, 2012)

Personally, I click well with INFJs, ENFJs, and INTPs. I'm also intrigued with ISFPs and ESFPs because their so different from me.


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## Baby Spidey (Jun 4, 2012)

I attract all types? Though the ones, I guess, got "close" to this year at school were an 2 ESFP, 2 ENFP, and an INFJ. I don't know what these other peoples' types though because I never got the chance to type them.

My "best" friends, you can call them best friends, are an ESFJ and an INFJ. This is why I hate prejudice against MBTI types. One of the greatest people I know is an _ESFJ_, a type that always gets hate. She's amazing, and always makes me laugh with her sarcastic humor.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Queen Arienrhod said:


> I attract all types? Though the ones, I guess, got "close" to this year at school were an 2 ESFP, 2 ENFP, and an INFJ. I don't know what these other peoples' types though because I never got the chance to type them.
> 
> My "best" friends, you can call them best friends, are an ESFJ and an INFJ. This is why I hate prejudice against MBTI types. One of the greatest people I know is an _ESFJ_, a type that always gets hate. She's amazing, and always makes me laugh with her sarcastic humor.


Your friends sound a lot like my own little friend group.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

DarkFruit said:


> I guess we do like giving advice even if not asked. hehe. I can see how that can bother INTJs. What do you like most about ENFPs and ESFP? Why less Ne?


Well, as long as it's something practical, I'm fine - most anything else is entirely debatable. This isn't to say the advice wouldn't help if I listened to it, but it's also not to say I couldn't find a way to be equally happy without it. I feel connected to the INFP I know for reasons well beyond their advice, and usually I listen to it, only to appreciate their intentions over their content. 

As far as the E_FP go, it's actually a bit difficult to lump them together. For ENFP, I actually am more apt to listen to their suggestions because they are, well, ideas more than judgments. This is the effect of Ne preceding Fi - everything's a possibility, or an idea. Whereas with an INFP, I might feel more of a clash in judgment. As an auxiliary function, Fi is used to deal with situations more than it is the primary motivation of the individual, and hence it is of less "importance" as an auxiliary. In my experience, Fi in later positions within a hierarchy is more accessible, more comfortable to one who uses it as their tertiary. I have greater endurance simply dealing with Fi, as an auxiliary would, than exploring it to the absolute crevass, as a dominant would - though _some _of this is, simply, one of the beauties of the act of living as an INTJ. 

ESFP are a totally different story - I already do this:


> Don't you want to have deep conversations that unlock formulas of life with your mate?


 in my own head all the time, so action is an even greater gift than conversation for me. I can and do talk for hours about that sort of thing with people I care about, but give me something tangible to base Ni on, and you've done something for me I could never do for myself - pointing out the shortcomings of our mental independence while at the same time bolstering it.


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## Resolution (Feb 8, 2010)

L'Empereur said:


> I don't attract anyone.


If you were a girl, I'd fix that single problem for ya


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

FacelessBeauty said:


> I like challenges, and I'm starting to realize that I like the chase more than an actual relationship because of the thrill and mental stimulation I get from trying to figure the other person out. Once there's nothing more to figure out, it's not the same anymore. This is why I'm complete shit at all of my relationships.


It would explain my past relationships with other INTJs. Once we got settled in and we started working so well together, they would get bored and try to find a guy so different that the challenge of figuring him out would be reignited. Far be it from me to say that I don't understand that love of challenges, but I came to the conclusion that relationships have to be a two-way thing if any progress is going to be made - and it's the thrill of overcoming a challenge that gives me the greatest boost of confidence. So, through trial and error, I discovered that I'm limited in my successes in relationships when I'm the only one working at them. Therefore, relationships are less about the challenge to me, and more about finding someone that can accept working together with me between the times we DO challenge each other (and it did still happen in my past relationships). Then we each either succeed in a challenge the other gave to us, or we work together in succeeding in a challenge life has thrown at us - either way, the feeling of success and confidence afterward is spectacular.

When I see it like that, relationships become far more sustainable and enjoyable, particularly if the other person thinks the same. If we can enlighten one another with our own thoughts, work together on life's challenges, AND still see things differently enough that we can challenge each other to see things through each others' eyes (which has a higher chance of succeeding and leaving me feeling confident when it's with my mirror), then I would find myself in the best relationship I believe I could ever have. All that's necessary is that the other person thinks of it in a similar way, and viola!

Also, it would be easier to NOT be boring when/if I ever live closer to a city. The lack of things to do here is just sad, and even though I could come up with things to do (even more 'introverted' activities like video games, interactive writing, etc.), I'm pretty sure anyone would get bored of the repetition eventually - even INTJs. Once I'm in uni, I have a pretty good feeling that things are going to start getting more interesting.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

NovaStar said:


> It would explain my past relationships with other INTJs. Once we got settled in and we started working so well together, they would get bored and try to find a guy so different that the challenge of figuring him out would be reignited. Far be it from me to say that I don't understand that love of challenges, but I came to the conclusion that relationships have to be a two-way thing if any progress is going to be made - and it's the thrill of overcoming a challenge that gives me the greatest boost of confidence. So, through trial and error, I discovered that I'm limited in my successes in relationships when I'm the only one working at them. Therefore, relationships are less about the challenge to me, and more about finding someone that can accept working together with me between the times we DO challenge each other (and it did still happen in my past relationships). Then we each either succeed in a challenge the other gave to us, or we work together in succeeding in a challenge life has thrown at us - either way, the feeling of success and confidence afterward is spectacular.
> 
> When I see it like that, relationships become far more sustainable and enjoyable, particularly if the other person thinks the same. If we can enlighten one another with our own thoughts, work together on life's challenges, AND still see things differently enough that we can challenge each other to see things through each others' eyes (which has a higher chance of succeeding and leaving me feeling confident when it's with my mirror), then I would find myself in the best relationship I believe I could ever have. All that's necessary is that the other person thinks of it in a similar way, and viola!
> 
> Also, it would be easier to NOT be boring when/if I ever live closer to a city. The lack of things to do here is just sad, and even though I could come up with things to do (even more 'introverted' activities like video games, interactive writing, etc.), I'm pretty sure anyone would get bored of the repetition eventually - even INTJs. Once I'm in uni, I have a pretty good feeling that things are going to start getting more interesting.


I think the reason that I get bored with some people is because they don't enlighten me at all. There's no intellectual and mental stimulation to keep the spark in it for me. It's all about emotional wants and needs and support. Yes that's important, but it has to be reciprocated, not one sided. And I don't like being emotionally dependent on people, so people need to learn not to expect that from me. The novelty of someone totally different from me starts to wear down after a while, and I get bored easily. Yeah figuring people out is good fun and all, but I've realized that if there's no mental connection going on, everything else simply won't fall into place and you end up wasting time in relationships that mean nothing to you. If I can't have a good discussion with you about something other than feelings or material items, it's not going to work.


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

FacelessBeauty said:


> Yeah figuring people out is good fun and all, but I've realized that if there's no mental connection going on, everything else simply won't fall into place and you end up wasting time in relationships that mean nothing to you. If I can't have a good discussion with you about something other than feelings or material items, it's not going to work.


And that's what I love about Ni-doms that use their Te-aux functions so well: the deep, enlightening conversations that we can both understand. When I talk about emotions, it does come off weird and hard to understand (ENFPs would be better at prudently wording their thoughts on this topic); but when it comes to just about anything and everything else, I've been told I can be very legible. One just has to get past my love of taking several sides in a debate at once, as well as my natural inability to express my emotions in a delicate, courteous way. That might take some time, even for INTJs, but once they overcome that hurdle, I'll discuss/debate deep subjects like philosophy quite often (although I make ample time for entertainment and other fun activities - I'm usually less scheduled/structured that way, coming up with spontaneous suggestions of games to play or things to do).


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## Astrali (Mar 28, 2012)

FacelessBeauty said:


> The reason I was attracted to him in the first place was because I wanted to figure him out like everything else out and he seemed more like a challenge or a puzzle to me. I like challenges, and I'm starting to realize that I like the chase more than an actual relationship because of the thrill and mental stimulation I get from trying to figure the other person out. Once there's nothing more to figure out, it's not the same anymore. This is why I'm complete shit at all of my relationships.


This is very interesting. I did notice this with INTJs. 



Persephone said:


> I have a disproportionate number of INTP and INFP friends. My INTP friend claims that she's an INTJ magnet. Maybe there's something there.


Well how do you feel about your INFP friends? 



LXPilot said:


> I already do this: in my own head all the time, so action is an even greater gift than conversation for me. I can and do talk for hours about that sort of thing with people I care about, but give me something tangible to base Ni on, and you've done something for me I could never do for myself - pointing out the shortcomings of our mental independence while at the same time bolstering it.


I understand what you are saying. It is important to bring new perspectives to one another, but Si and Se are interested in different subjects. Their stories would bore you and vice versa. I see that quite a bit in relationships and the couple's dissatisfaction with it. 
In regard to action vs. conversation, 100% agree! I always wanted someone to help me turn my dreams into reality. Si and Se are better at that. However being a dreamer type, it is most important to me to connect with a person on a deeper level. It makes everything better.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

NovaStar said:


> And that's what I love about Ni-doms that use their Te-aux functions so well: the deep, enlightening conversations that we can both understand. When I talk about emotions, it does come off weird and hard to understand (ENFPs would be better at prudently wording their thoughts on this topic); but when it comes to just about anything and everything else, I've been told I can be very legible. One just has to get past my love of taking several sides in a debate at once, as well as my natural inability to express my emotions in a delicate, courteous way. That might take some time, even for INTJs, but once they overcome that hurdle, I'll discuss/debate deep subjects like philosophy quite often (although I make ample time for entertainment and other fun activities - I'm usually less scheduled/structured that way, coming up with spontaneous suggestions of games to play or things to do).


Hahaha at least _someone _gets it. The best part of having those kinds of discussions are those moments when I get someone's really nice but very different perspective and understand it perfectly. I always learn something new from it, and when the other person has insightful moments like that I just take a moment to appreciate how profound and thoughtful they are. I love that kind of thing.


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## Astrali (Mar 28, 2012)

Peripatetic said:


> Here's an unsavory possibility. I seem to attract esfj's with dad problems. I think the rest is implied.


Peripatetic, did this woman by any chance say that you reminded her of her father? Moreover, what is unpleasant about this unfortunate woman? Is it because she has dad problems or because you think she is an ESFJ?



FacelessBeauty said:


> Anyone with amazing insight, perspective, or depth will suffice. I have I thing for Fi and Ti users for some reason, and I enjoy Ne doms and some Se doms as well. They're just so different from me. The only person I've ever had some sort of fling with was an ISFP (an unhealthy one at that). It was nice for a while but he just became so needy and demanding and it was too much. It slowly became more about his feelings, his wants, his needs, and his everything. I was so sick of it. During the whole thing I realized that I don't want or need someone who taxes my emotional reserves. The reason I was attracted to him in the first place was because I wanted to figure him out like everything else out and he seemed more like a challenge or a puzzle to me. I like challenges, and I'm starting to realize that I like the chase more than an actual relationship because of the thrill and mental stimulation I get from trying to figure the other person out. Once there's nothing more to figure out, it's not the same anymore. This is why I'm complete shit at all of my relationships.


Problem Solver, apparently this is a problem that you have or INTJs overall. Do you think so? If so, how do you plan to resolve it? Just curious


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Astrali said:


> Problem Solver, apparently this is a problem that you have or INTJs overall. Do you think so? If so, how do you plan to resolve it? Just curious


I don't know about other INTJs but I know I have this problem. I think what I'm going to do is try to appreciate and accept people as they are a lot more. Find something good about the qualities they have rather than just dropping them like bad habits. Or chase the ones that have qualities I like, not just because they're something new and interesting. XD


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## Hunny Bunny (Jan 12, 2011)

egsomy said:


> I started this thread mainly for these reasons:
> 1-Plain curiosity.
> 2-To maybe find the reason why I seem to attract touchy feely extroverts although I keep on an emotional and physical distance between me and them.
> So far no conclusion.


I think I can shed some light on this - just speaking from my own perspective as a "touchy" extrovert. **cough**

Not all extrovert - feelers are like this, but it could be a possibility that they find you attractive and then your "distance" comes across as a challenge to them and it makes them want to be more clingy. Rofl. Just saying, it's possible! ;-)


(Edit: I'm talking about extroverts who are also feelers, not necessarily Fe-doms)


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

I don't want to sound like a broken record, but all of this just serves to prove that people tend to be attracted to the 'new' and 'exotic'. That's why opposites apparently attract, despite the eventual deterioration and clash that tend to occur in such relationships. Go figure.

I need to keep a better check on who I end up in a relationship with. The question I now have to answer is: when do I really begin to understand the other person? I can already see a variety of answers to that one. Personally, I'm going to say that you constantly learn new things about your partner, but you can probably gauge whether or not they _really_ love you based on their words and actions over the course of two or three years. I'm going to go into any future relationship with that in mind - it tests how strong the rubber band (our relationship) is when it's getting tense.

Yeah, most of these 'rubber bands' would break within six or seven months (in my experience), but oh well. I won't put myself in a dangerous predicament (such as giving my potential partner complete access to my bank account) until I've gauged the sincerity; and just to be sure, that will take approximately two to three years. And if my intuition is still screaming at me to play it safe, I'll get the government involved as necessary. If I suggest marriage (and a prenuptial), it's ironically because I still have my doubts. Sure, I don't trust the government much more, but a single individual that's close to me can do far more damage than a group of old men on Wall Street.


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## Lifecoach (Jul 27, 2012)

Hi Stayawake!
i too am married to a wonderful INTJ! I am the emotional one and he is my "soft place to fall" when the wind dies down!


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## INTJellectual (Oct 22, 2011)

ESFP! There has been 4 of them IRL. And also ISFP, and old ENTPs.


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## nakkinaama (Jun 20, 2012)

First thing that come to my mind are, suprisingly, fun-loving personalities, because maybe they are helpful when it comes to getting friends and learning to sort of let the INTJ have fun?


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

I've found myself with several INTJ friends during my life.
I can't say I've ever met any female ones that I can identyfy in hindsight though. :-/
Wonder how that would be like?


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## Praesepe (Dec 4, 2011)

I'm not particularly "attractive". I don't have that pull on people. I tend to associate with quiet, kind types of any persuasion and they tend to gravitate towards me. I was not familiar with the MBTI at all when I made most of my friends, so I don't have any useful analysis in that regard.


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## Konigsberg (May 10, 2012)

From people who need reassurance. And those who feel smart just by being on my side. Those who like to discuss 'deep' things for them that come across as shallow to me. On the other hand, there are the other more-like-me people who just say 'you're cool'.

They shyly approach... they're like "Oh hey we can be best frie--" "No"

Most of the time I scare away the people trying to get to know me by being too emotionally closed, awkward or serious.


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## Kimalynn (Jul 26, 2012)

It's not real until we get some numbers in here, so this is my friend group. You'll notice that it's disproportionately high in the intuitor section, so I'll leave it up to you to decide if my type-guessing skills are adequate. Additionally, my definition of "friend" includes "people I like to talk to and that like to talk to me."
INTJ: 7
INFP: 4
ENFP: 3
Among the other groups there are:
9 intuitors and
11 sensors. 

As far as close friends, it goes as follows, and may include numbers cited above:
Family:
1 INFP
2 INTJs
1 INFJ

Best friends:
1 ENFP
1 INTJ
1 INFJ
1 INTP

The INTP has been the longest-standing friend of those groups.

I really did make a chart for this. I keep it updated every time I find a new personality type. I have not yet organized it between "friends" and "people I know." 

It should also be noted that I do include an ESFP as one of my friends. It's hard to get to know their deeper side, but valuable once you do.


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## prsvrnc (Oct 15, 2011)

Konigsberg said:


> They shyly approach... they're like "Oh hey we can be best frie--" "No"
> 
> Most of the time I scare away the people trying to get to know me by being too emotionally closed, awkward or serious.


Do you feel [sad (or something)] that you tend to scare people away? Do you sometimes wish you did not give off that vibe or are you usually happy not to be bugged by them?


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## Konigsberg (May 10, 2012)

prsvrnc said:


> Do you feel [sad (or something)] that you tend to scare people away? Do you sometimes wish you did not give off that vibe or are you usually happy not to be bugged by them?


Hm... I've had times when I tell myself "Wish I had more friends" but then I realize I'm better off without shallow friendships and that's when I'm 'happy' I never let them get that close in first place.

No I don't think I feel sad with 'scaring' people away, most of the times I have good reasons to not let them get close. There are a couple of stories that would be good examples. When people get away from me it's mostly because I told them to. 

It's funny because when I saw your questions I kind of went 'wut?' and then thought 'Oh, must be an INFP'. My second guess was ENFP.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

I've just discovered that my cousin is INTJ! =D
This is so interesting! 
She even likes the idea of MBTI, 
it is finally starting to dawn on her why she feels all the SJs around her are messed up. XD


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## Sollertis (Aug 2, 2012)

I'd like to think I attract _someone,_ although to my knowledge the only two women who have expressed interest in me are (my best guess) ESFJ and ISFP. I could be totally off base, but for the most part I get the feeling that the idea that EXFXs are inordinately attracted to INTJs was created to make us feel like someone wanted us. I constantly remind my other INTJ friend that there's a reason there are so few of us.


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