# NFs and being bullied at school.



## HollyGolightly

I don't mean to generalise but I have noticed that NFs are prone to being bullied, especially the introverts.
I was wondering if you ever experienced bullying and how you dealt with it and how you deal with it now (e.g. painful memories).
I think it would be interesting to see if extroverted NFs deal with it differently to introverted NFs.
And I was wondering, do NFs generally find it hard to be in a classroom environment and interact with other kids their age? I've found that this is usually the case.
Just curious 
And as always, your thoughts on this please


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## HollyGolightly

Well I shall start off as I don't like to ask people to do things that I wouldn't do.
I hated school, right from my first day at playgroup (yup I can remember that far back).
I have recently dropped out. I can't take being in a classroom environment. I feel drowned by the bigger personalities. 
I was bullied constantly at school because I acted and looked different. There wasn't a class where somebody didn't have a problem with me. 
So school is not for me 
The way I have dealt with it is leave and try and find a way of being educated, but where I can work alone and on my own initiative.
I have also remained true to myself. That's the only way that I can give the bullies their answer: YOU HAVE NOT CHANGED ME OR BROKEN ME.


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## Verdant Hollow

I find that Ns in general are more prone to being bullied, especially INs. I know quite a few NFs that were bullied, especially the INFPs.

I'm not going to give my personal story, because I'm not an NF, so that would detract from the thread. But, while the bullying never broke me, it certainly changed me.

*hugs Holly* Keep it up. Don't let those meanie ST guys and SF mind-raking girls get to you 

From the sound of it, it seems like the INFJ (maybe along with the INTP) would benefit from homeschooling the most out of all the types. Anyone else agree?


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## HollyGolightly

Yeah I agree tmdg
And you can post whatever you like here. You're welcome anytime. I wouldn't mid hearing views from all types.
I was actually bullied by mainly NFs... 
Yeah I think the INFJ would benefit from homeschooling the most out of all the types. Well it would have suited me fine


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## Verdant Hollow

NFs bullying you? Must have all been ENFJs. The jerks


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## HollyGolightly

Ermm... they were actually. 
How did you guess?
*is in awe of your wisdom*
*bows*
:tongue:


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## crzysttchr

I was terribly bullied as a child, so much so that I reverted into myself and became a loner. It wasn't until I reached age 16 that I seem to have come more into myself. then unfortunately I met my ex at 17 and was controlled for far too long. When I hit my mid 30's is when I bloomed and became who I truly am now..(I was also abused (as a child by a family member)- details are too far buried in me - and i know that had an influence on me... i did not realize that this had happened until i was in my 20's.... it is amazing how much we truly don't know about ourselves, or how our "mind" will hide things to protect us).

I now will champion for the underdog and demanded that my kids (who are all very confident and extroverts) be the same. They will even stand up to their father (in a good way). I know that things happen for a reason, but I don't know why I was bullied. It may have been that I was too sensitive or a loner and drew the aggressors.

Lynn


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## Verdant Hollow

I learned a lot from being bullied. It wasn't fun, but I owe a lot of the constructive steps I took to those who punished me for being different.

Did you learn any lessons from your bullying?

Also, was the bullying mostly when you were in grammar school or in high school? I suspect it was later on in your school career, which is sadly the least constructive time to be bullied


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## HollyGolightly

crzysttchr said:


> I was terribly bullied as a child, so much so that I reverted into myself and became a loner. It wasn't until I reached age 16 that I seem to have come more into myself. then unfortunately I met my ex at 17 and was controlled for far too long. When I hit my mid 30's is when I bloomed and became who I truly am now..(I was also abused (as a child by a family member)- details are too far buried in me - and i know that had an influence on me... i did not realize that this had happened until i was in my 20's.... it is amazing how much we truly don't know about ourselves, or how our "mind" will hide things to protect us).
> 
> I now will champion for the underdog and demanded that my kids (who are all very confident and extroverts) be the same. They will even stand up to their father (in a good way).* I know that things happen for a reason, but I don't know why I was bullied. It may have been that I was too sensitive or a loner and drew the aggressors.*
> 
> Lynn


Hey Lynn 
They are reasons why you were bullied, but none of them were your fault. Some people are just sick in the head an prey on people like you. But the best answer you can give them is not to change and to continue to be a good person. But that's a hard thing to do, I know. i find it hard even now.
And I think you're a really strong person. I really admire you


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## Sily

It has been years and years since I was at school but I don't remember a lot of bullying in school. I truly think my self-preservation skills are way too strong. I don't like a lot of conflict and I think I know how to protect myself from physical or emotional harm. I just didn't attract it into my life. Once I did mumble something to another girl on the bus (she was pregnant for the second time and was only 16 I think) I said quietly "she's probably pregnant again" and she heard it. Man o man.... she picked on me until the bus driver had to pull over the bus and say something. But I think I may have been asking for that one. That's the only think I can think of. I'm not perfect.. lol.. should have kept my mouth shut there I guess.

Now on the internet.. it's a different story. I make it very easy for anyone to find me as _I never change my name_. The following could either be my own *pathology* or my _true-fantastic-super-duper-intuition_ but I always have the feeling on these INFP forums, that some of my enemies from the past, have taken up the "INFP identity" and are playing the INFP identity (let's say IRL they are ENFJ or ENTJ) and they trash the INFP personality type whenever they can. A perfect example would be submitting to a site that *all INFPs like the rain* or *all INFPs are wounded to the core*. Or saying stuff like "INFP is the worst type ever" or "what good are INFPs, wouldn't the world be better off without all INFPs?". Multiple accounts they have under different proxies and names. I view this as bullying, yes. What I try and do is respond to a few posts as "please don't include me in your hate of yourself" or "please don't use _ALL, WE, US, _ when you speak" or sometimes I will throw the Ignore Button on them right way. 

Like I said, I might be right or wrong about what I'm feeling_, or_, it may just be that some people I don't know, love to come into threads and say "INFPs suck" just to get a reaction. And then someone might say .. "Sily, why don't you stand up to people like that to end it?" Well, this is the way I view bullies... they want my attention or the attention of "someone". I feel like they are looking at me saying "I just said something absurd.. why won't you react?". Most of the time, I don't feel like they are worth any attention. And I hope that whatever mod is around would help out with killing a "all INFPs suck" or "there's nothing good about INFPs" post.

Sorry if this is too long. :happy:


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## Crazydogrio

While I was never bullied I absolutely hated school with a passion! I was talking to my INFJ friend earlier about this and he said 'doesn't every kid hate school?' Maybe the S types like it more? I think I hated school mostly because I would pick up messages from people and then I would think they didn't like me, those messages were mostly wrong but at the time I just wanted to stay at home and learn! I am an extravert and love talking with people but not in a forced environment. I am going to homeschool my two boys because I think they will have more fun learning in a relaxed way. I would have loved my parents to have homeschooled me!

Julia x


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## Scruffy

Bullies are afraid of different people, and people who might not think they are "thuper" cool. They pick on the smaller brainy types because of jealousy, and they enjoy the reaction of people. 

In some ST's defense though, we can take playful insulting too far (not intentionally) , and hurt some people. 

Bullying people also gives you power, and when you are bullying someone you are less likely to be bullied. "I'd rather tease _____, so I don't teased!" 

Mainly it's just the power over people, the power they feel comes from the reaction. NF"s happen to react strongly which is why they get bullied, it's wrong but it won't change.


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## Verdant Hollow

Sily Wily. As I'm the only one here who mentioned INFPs explicitly, I'll assume you're addressing my comment:

"I know quite a few NFs that were bullied, especially the INFPs."

This is in no way a judgement on INFPs, just an observation. Almost all my judgements on INFPs would be positive, so that's one clue 

This has simply been my experience with INFPs. Not that they are "weak" or any of that nonsense. It would also seem that many of the personalities most prone to being bullies (in my experience, ESJs) would harp on INFPs as "the other".


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## Sily

*tdmg* - I swear I don't remember reading your comment. Sometimes I don't read all the posts before I post. Which if Neph. Az. was still around he would say "read all the MF posts before you MF post!" (that's what his avatar says) All my INFP stuff/comments in this thread have to do with the forum that is marked "INFP - The Idealists"... that's where I usually hang out. But in the future... I'll look for your avatar now and remember you!


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## thehigher

HollyGolightly said:


> I don't mean to generalise but I have noticed that NFs are prone to being bullied, especially the introverts.
> I was wondering if you ever experienced bullying and how you dealt with it and how you deal with it now (e.g. painful memories).
> I think it would be interesting to see if extroverted NFs deal with it differently to introverted NFs.
> And I was wondering, do NFs generally find it hard to be in a classroom environment and interact with other kids their age? I've found that this is usually the case.
> Just curious
> And as always, your thoughts on this please


I've never met a bully in my life...or maybe I have...but they are my friends. My best friend is an estj...my band mates are estps... we get along great. However my enfp friend usually gets hounded by the estps for being emotional....i dont get hounded because my emotions are usually just introverted.


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## crzysttchr

tdmg said:


> I learned a lot from being bullied. It wasn't fun, but I owe a lot of the constructive steps I took to those who punished me for being different.
> 
> Did you learn any lessons from your bullying?
> 
> Also, was the bullying mostly when you were in grammar school or in high school? I suspect it was later on in your school career, which is sadly the least constructive time to be bullied


 
I was hounded and chased, mercilessly by a gang of girls.. they were brutal. this was in catholic elementary school. It was a painful time of my life... i was also on meds (think it was anti dep as the flourescent lights were hard on my eyes- think i might have been ADD but didn't know it), i had a hard time concentrating and was very talkative, sometimes blurting out my feelings and this must have made the other kids angry? annoyed? I guess the ENFP of me wanted to be friends with everyone LOL. I was also in the program where i was taken out of class for extra work... don't know why. had to go to a room for extra english/writing classes....hmmmm

In highschool i was teased by the popular girls and learned to ignore them. it got better when i turned 16, i guess i just let it flow over and around me, not absorbing it.


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## red riding hood

No one bullied me in school but for different reasons, I was not a bully myself, but I am an INFJ (a protector), the bullies were afraid of me, because if I saw them picking on some one I did not hesitate to jump in and whip some butt. I once grabbed a guy by the testicles for trying to shove another kid in a locker, and that was one of many things, and I really did not give a darn what other people thought of me, I did my own thing, so they could say or do what ever they wanted and I did not care. They took no interest in tormenting me.

Bullies suck and many studies show they lack empathy, some are even worse, some show that when some people see other people in pain or unhappy it actually stimulates the pleasure centers of their brain, as opposed to remembering how much it hurts, they enjoy and find pleasure in hurting others, people like that are brain damaged freaks in my opinion. Sorry if I have offended anyone but mean people suck, and they are my pet peeve in life. 

Even now I will go toe to toe when I see someone being a jerk. I stopped at a gas station a few months ago, and a guy was screaming at a homeless woman that she had no right to be there and trying to scare her away. I told him to leave her alone and he told me to shut up. I got right in his face and told him he had no right to treat another human being like that and I would not shut up, that he was a low life piece of crap. I am 5 foot three and I don’t way much, I had to stand on my tippy toes to even try to look him in the eye but I could have given a darn less I was pissed. 

I think Holly once talked about some people giving her a hard time , and I made a comment that I was sorry and had I been there I would have whipped there butts. Holly I am so sorry people are treating you badly. I say there is a time to fight, and that is a battle I will fight. Call them out for the pieces of crap they are, you don’t have to fight them some times just embarrassing them and calling them on the carpet for their rude behavior will make them think twice about messing with you again, they have to know that crap ins unacceptable or they are going to do it to others. Sometimes protecting yourself is also protecting other people, and what do you care what a low life piece of scum who acts like that thinks or has to say any way!!!!

HMMPPPHHHH I SAY, PUT EM UP!!!!! AND THEY BETTER KNOCK ME OUT CAUSE I DON"T STAY DOWN, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :angry:


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## HollyGolightly

I can so easily stick up for others, I will fight 'til the death. But when it's me I can't follow stuff through. I'll get angry but I can't maintain it and when I have been bullied it wasn't a case of someone coming up to me and just punching me because if it was I would have had the strength to defend myself, they put you down over a long period of time until you feel so worthless and drained that you can't stand up for yourself. I hate it when people say you're weak for not standing up for yourself, it's very easy for someone to say that when they have their self-confidence and are in the right frame of mind. 
red riding hood - you're so sweet


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## red riding hood

HollyGolightly said:


> I can so easily stick up for others, I will fight 'til the death. But when it's me I can't follow stuff through. I'll get angry but I can't maintain it and when I have been bullied it wasn't a case of someone coming up to me and just punching me because if it was I would have had the strength to defend myself, they put you down over a long period of time until you feel so worthless and drained that you can't stand up for yourself. I hate it when people say you're weak for not standing up for yourself, it's very easy for someone to say that when they have their self-confidence and are in the right frame of mind.
> red riding hood - you're so sweet


Little one, you are wonderful, look how sweet and courthouse your posts are, and you are obviously bright, don’t let some jack off define you, you define yourself, no one can make you feel inferior with your permission. Tell them off, find the courage to do it not just for yourself, but remember if they get away with doing it to you, they are going to do it to some one else. What would you do, if they were treating your sister, or your close friend like that? I bet you would get a little scrappy over that one, well give yourself the same love and consideration. Wish I were there I would yank them up and make them rue the day they were borne!!!!!

Next time they say something, just let them know that the opinion’s or actions of a person who says or does things like that does not mean crap, and a low life idiot like them does not matter to you, and if you can do it in public, that will usually put them in their place.


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## red riding hood

OHHHHH and if it is a guy a good stiff kick to the crotch can always help, sorry I guess I am gettng a bit riled up over this one, it makes me really mad!!!!!


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## HollyGolightly

Ha, you're so amazing 
Well people don't actually think bullying affects me. I come across as unemotional in real life (well when somebody has hurt me anyway), I've even been confused with INTJ. I act like it hasn't touched me and I walk away, when really it is eating me up inside. Bullies can sense that so they carry on, and their excuse is that they didn't think it was bothering me. 
I'm away from all that now though, I've dropped out of school. I can't stand most people my own age...and I hate school...


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## Scruffy

A good stiff kick to the crotch inspires a good punt to the forehead. Kicking a man in the crotch is far too harsh for bullying someone, it's just not right.

Most bullies aren't stupid anyways, they can usually push someone's buttons with a single line. That takes some good observation skills and knowledge of the person.


Bullying is wrong, but to label them as idiots is very close-minded. They are just a bit miss-guided, they usually have good people skills.


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## HollyGolightly

I've always though bullies weren't actually _human._ They study human beings and know how to act like them (like Sheenster said, they usually have good people skills) but they don't think like a normal human being. I'm probably going to get told off for saying they're not human beings, but in my opinion anyone who get's pleasure out of another's pain is not a human being. And I'll stand by that for the rest of my life.


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## Scruffy

That's the bully extreme, most schoolyard bullies, bully because of their own inferiority. They feel they are inferior so they make someone else feel even more inferior. I also noticed most young people have a problem with having control in their life, so having control over someone else's life makes them feel pretty good (for once). 

Some bullies get praise for bullying others, this gives them a feeling of self-worth.

The extreme would be the getting pleasure, now that's a red flag. Pleasure from pain is pretty rare in people, when people have it though stay clear. 



I hope all the best for you Holly, but I'm not going to only tell you what you want to hear.


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## Verdant Hollow

Sheenster said:


> A good stiff kick to the crotch inspires a good punt to the forehead. Kicking a man in the crotch is far too harsh for bullying someone, it's just not right.
> 
> Most bullies aren't stupid anyways, they can usually push someone's buttons with a single line. That takes some good observation skills and knowledge of the person.
> 
> 
> Bullying is wrong, but to label them as idiots is very close-minded. They are just a bit miss-guided, they usually have good people skills.


I'm going to agree with you here. Not because it's too harsh (and it is, even getting bullied I would not say that one incidence of bullying is equal to one kick in the crotch, and I'd know... on both ends...).

I'm gonna agree with you here because it's not constructive.

Bullies are very much human. It wasn't until later in life that I found out that my worst bully in elementary school had recently lost his father to a heart attack around the time he started terrorizing me. The same thing happened to my worst middle school bully, except that bully witnessed his brother die in a car accident.

They are just as much people as you and I are.

One bully from when I was young is now one of my 3 closest friends, and I would never give up my friendship with him. As a kid, his parents were having marital issues, and he was forgotten in the middle of it all. Young kids don't know how to deal with those complex issues that adults can barely handle, if at all. I do not fault him.

Mercy and forgiveness are unbelievably powerful.


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## HollyGolightly

tdmg - I see what you're saying, I really do, but I cannot think that way.
I know people think I'm all "woe-is-me" but I'm not, but I 'm gonna have to bring this up because it's the best example I can think of.
I was sexually and mentally abused all through my childhood. I NEVER bullied anybody else. I swear to God. I was a really nice kid. So I don't think having a bad time of it excuses the fact that you are bullying someone. That might sound harsh but I don't think there's any excuse for bullying someone. You can't control you're life, you're not getting any happiness so you take those things away from someone else? Gahhh!
Sorry if that was harsh but I'm passionate about anti-bullying. I even set up a profile about it when I was 15. I don't think there is any excuse to bully and I will always think that. I had a horrible childhood, but I remained a nice kid. I was a lot nicer then than I am now and I'm not experiencing any abuse anymore. Maybe that's because of my personality (I don't mean INFJ, I just mean me as a person) I'm quite resilient and I cope well with trauma. I suppose some people just don't and bullying is their coping mechanism, so I see what you're saying but I can't help but feel there is no excuse.


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## Happy

I use to be a bully when I was in elementary school. I use to call my victims fat, ugly, dumb, and etc. I even fought a lot to show how tough I was. I was so vicious that the principal told the whole school not to talk to me!! I went to a private school so there were only around 400 students. Made me feel bad, but the next day they started talking to me again but I have to admit, I felt like crying when everyone was ignoring me. Sheenster is right, I felt inferior, I did those things for attention. Having grown up with a workaholic mom and no siblings made me lonely. So I always looked forward to going to school due to lack of attention at home. I only changed in high school during my freshman year when a girl slapped me in front of the class for calling her a bitch. Of course I would never hit a girl so I was owned. lol. After that, my life changed for the better. Something about that slap changed me. :laughing:

So girls the next time you are viciously bullied in front of your classmates by a "guy", slap them on the face. Trust me, if they slap or hit you back, they will be the ones bullied in school. If they don't, they will be embarrassed and probably change their attitude.:wink:


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## HollyGolightly

You know, I think it's brave to admit you were a bully. I know I'm contradicting myself there because of how much I have blasted bullies, but I think it matters just as much what you do after as what you did at the time. If you can learn from your mistakes, admit you were wrong and really feel bad for what you've done then I actually think that's really admirable.
One of my friends bullied me when we were younger. Both our mother's are best friends so they would try and force us to be friends. I'm an INFJ and she's an ESTP so we didn't exactly get on. Her mother was always comparing her to me as well, saying "Why can't you be more like Laura." So she resented me and bullied the crap out of me. It was wrong what she did and even though she had every right to feel resentment there was still no excuse. but we are okay with each other now. She admits what she's done and she's truly sorry, and I'm not the type to hold grudges so as far as I'm concerned there's no hard feelings


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## Verdant Hollow

Lances advice might work for that dynamic, because the girl has a lot of leverage against a guy in high school, but not when they are young. It also doesn't work with any other gender pairing :-/

I'd stick to trying and opening up to the bully.

I'm no Christian, but I'm a big fan of Reverend Watts's doctrine of love. This video was posted on BoingBoing a few days ago and neatly sums up how I feel these situations should be tackled:

[video=youtube;TBwIRq_hmjgbject]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBwIRq_hmjgbject[/video]


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## snail

I was bullied right from the start, because I was the shy kid with allergies and a perpetually runny nose. I was the sensitive kid who cried at the slightest evidence of disapproval or rejection. I was the weird kid who daydreamed too much, and the irritating smart kid who sat in the middle of the front row with my hand raised, answering all of the teacher's questions, the suck-up teacher's pet who lived for the little comments next to the A+ or 100% marked at the top of my returned assignments. When I had NF teachers, I would try to get special privileges using my achievements as currency to earn the teacher's respect, and would modify assignments to make them more creative, or stay in at recess to to read my books and work on my art. When this was allowed, I didn't have to worry about the playground tormentors. I was the one who challenged the rules and always got away with it because I could argue well about why specific rules weren't beneficial, the one who didn't have to do the workbook assignments in kindergarten because I already knew how to read.I got used to being treated well by teachers who thought I was special, and being picked on by peers who thought I was too different to include. That was until the fifth grade, when I got my first ESTJ teacher. She was impossible to impress, considered me inferior no matter what I did, and sided with the bullies. I started getting stress headaches on a daily basis, crying, having even more trouble than usual with nightmares, overreacting to fictional depictions of cruelty, taking longer at dinner to avoid doing my homework, and writing very small as if to hide from her criticism. I was permanently damaged by my experiences in the fifth grade. In the sixth, the bullies got more violent, left bruises, were more ruthless, but I went back to being the teacher's pet. She let me turn in my assignments late so I could get them just the way I wanted, as long as I wrote enough poetry and book reports to make up for the late grades. I loved extra credit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snail

In the seventh and eighth grades, the bullies would pick on me openly in class, and switching from one class to another several times a day left me vulnerable during the times in the hallway. I would rush as fast as I could to each class. In high school, the physical bullying decreased and the psychological bullying increased. It continued until I left for college. By that time, I had no social skills, but my friends where accepting because they valued my eccentricity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HollyGolightly

Aww snail 
I can imagine that you got bullied, you're such a kind and complex soul. When people don't understand something or someone, they become ignorant and act on that, usually in the worst way possible. I know you know that though, I'm not insulting your intelligence  I suppose I'm just trying to say you did nothing to warrant that kind of treatment and I'm angry with those people for hurting you.


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## red riding hood

OK I may get heat for this too, but I take this look at things, and it is kind of like Holly said she has endured abuse and did not pass abuse on to others. There is NO and I do mean NO excuse for treating other people poorly. Maybe it is a reason, but we all have choices in life on how we are going to handle hardships, you can choose to say this is tuff this is hard, but I am going to let it make me a better person, or you can say hay this stinks so I am going to drag others down and make them feel bad too. Now how much sense does the latter choice make? Maybe it is not a conscious choice people make, but nonetheless it does not excuse it, no way no how. 

Maybe I have raised my children to be more mature, I don’t know, but my 14 year old son was having difficulty dealing with a person, and said to me he did not like them, and I told him well the had a hard time in life and just did not handle it well, and my son looked at me and said mom that is not fair I have had hard times, and I sure don’t act like that, and trust me he has had some hard times, he has been abandoned by his father, who is an alcoholic and who he grew up watching physically and mentally abuse me and everyone else. He was 6 years old picking up the phone calling the police telling his dad not to touch me again, now that little boy never says a mean word to people, and he will say, well I know what it is like to hurt, I am not going to hurt others. 

There is no excuse for their cruelty no matter what they have been through it does not justify or excuse their behavior, and there is a lacking of care and concern for others shown in that kind of behavior. Admittedly every situation is different, but I have to stick to my guns there is no excuse for behaving like that, and I think a good swift kick is what some people need to wake up, now mind you this really is my pet peeve in life and the one thing that will make my blood boil, so I can be irrational and wrong, but it is just how I feel about that kind of thing, people can be too compassionate and understanding of bad behavior, and that is why it continues an ace is an ace and a spade is a spade, a bully is a bully, and what they do is very very wrong and sickening to me!!!!


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## HollyGolightly

Yup red riding hood, I totally agree.
And your son has the right attitude: *I know what it is like to hurt, I am not going to hurt others.* 
I personally think if you can't create your own happiness you should create it for other people, but I don't say that too often because people roll their eyes at me and call me a hippy. But I don't see the point in making someone else feel as shit as you do. That's just causing twice as much unhappiness.
Ahhh I'm such an idealist


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## red riding hood

HollyGolightly said:


> I personally think if you can't create your own happiness you should create it for other people, but I don't say that too often because people roll their eyes at me and call me a hippy. But I don't see the point in making someone else feel as shit as you do. That's just causing twice as much unhappiness.
> Ahhh I'm such an idealist


Well I think you are right, hugs to you and have a good weekend!!!!


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## snail

Everyone deals with pain differently. It's much too easy for me to condemn those who mistreated me for responding differently to their life circumstances than I believe I would have, and while I do not think bullying is right under any circumstances, I try to understand the motivations. One thing I realised a long time ago is that everyone, no matter how evil, has reasons. The reasons are not an excuse, but they are real. No effect exists without a cause, even when the cause is not a justification. Apathy would cause inactivity. Yes, I understand that some of the people who bullied me had horrible parents, and were facing greater struggles than they could manage alone, desperately grasping for even the slightest opportunity to stop feeling so powerless and afraid. I didn't deserve to be abused by them any more than they deserved to be abused at home, but the parents who hurt them had reasons too, were probably living out unresolved issues from their own childhoods, or drank too much to deal with the stress at work. Whatever the reasons, the actions were inappropriate. I can empathize and forgive without excusing the evil or calling it good. That is my current approach.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OrangeAppled

I was not bullied, and experienced very little teasing, although a few hurtful remarks here & there tend to stick with a sensitive person. I did always have a constant sense of being an outcast and not fitting in. I was pretty lonely in school, and resorted to being absent to deal with the sense of alienation. I largely felt invisible, and existed in this realm of anonymity where few people missed me when I didn't show up to class.

Part of this may have been self-imposed, as I was very shy and withdrawn and dismissive of many things my peers were into. Admittedly, I didn't make the effort I could have made. I also was the "smart girl" and socially awkward, and when you add all of that up it is very easy for people to ignore you. People also cannot wrap their heads around someone who doesn't easily fit into a neat category...I was smart, but not nerdy, socially awkward, but independent, etc.

I remember a girl telling me once that I looked like a girl "who always has a boyfriend" and people in general seemed to assume I must have friends and a life outside of school. So even though I felt like a nerd, people were regarding me as a snob. I suppose the aura of mystery was my shield from being bullied or teased, or even acknowledged.


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## Happy

HollyGolightly said:


> Aww snail
> I can imagine that you got bullied, you're such a kind and complex soul. When people don't understand something or someone, they become ignorant and act on that, usually in the worst way possible. I know you know that though, I'm not insulting your intelligence  I suppose I'm just trying to say you did nothing to warrant that kind of treatment and I'm angry with those people for hurting you.


I think most of the bullying comes when your young and still developing your social skills. When you get to high school or college, it usually stops or at least lessens.


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## snail

In college, everyone is too busy studying or partying to bully anyone. The people who would have probably bullied me if we had gone to high school together were the ones who thought I was interesting and quirky in college, and let me sit around in their rooms being weird so they could observe me for the sake of amusement. A couple of jocks had me come over and draw "portraits" of their penises to hang on the wall of their dorm room. Art majors were suddenly the popular kids, and I stopped having to worry that my eccentricity would scare people away. It was what drew them to me. After a lifetime of feeling like I was being punished for being different, it was finally valued, and my social life blossomed despite, perhaps even because of, my lack of social experience and skills.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blueguardian

I was never bullied successfully. I wasn't a small fry and was in martial arts, so people didn't physically try to harass me. They did try many verbal approaches but they didn't work by and large. Some got to me and probably contributed to an escalation in my innate shyness. Mostly though, I acted uninterested in their insults. When someone would say something along the lines of "Your fat!" or "Your f'n ugly..." I would answer with a strait face (similar to my profile picture), "So? Tell me something I don't know." or say "Really? When did that happen?!" (again with an expressionless face). My strategy was to act as boring and unresponsive as possible so that I wouldn't be fun to screw with, and it worked out beautifully. Seeing their reactions to my, often unusual responses, was also rewarding. Watching simpletons squirm always made my day.

I would also help my friends cope with bullying as well. I stood up vs. three 6th graders when I was in 5th because they were bullying my cousin who was also in 6th. I guess I can be intimidating because they all backed down and apologized. 

You bully me I treat you like an idiot. You bully someone I care about; break out the stakes and crossbows, it's war!

.... but thats just how I did it.


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## HollyGolightly

mrmatt said:


> I'm a nt but I was bullied lots after I moved into public school. I'm not so much now but I don't really fit into any social groups which leads to me getting made fun of at times
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I know I'm an NF but I feel your pain.


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## thegirlcandance

I'll start off by saying that the reason people bully is out of insecurity within themselves. The bully feels insecure about his or her self, so therefore they think that having "power" over someone will help them feel better. I'm working towards my teacher certification so I've sat through lessons discussing this issue.

I was bullied for a long time. Probably from kindergarten through freshman year of high school, with freshman year being the worst. When I was in grade school I was constantly picked on for being skinny so the kids called me "spaghetti legs". It sounds goofy and perhaps a bit funny to think of it now, but at the time for a kindergartener it certainly makes an effect. Because of it, I hated how I was so skinny and would try to gain weight by eating A LOT (I could eat an entire frozen pizza cooked in the oven myself by the age of 8). Did I gain any weight? No. By 5th grade I was still tall at 5'3" and only weighed 80 lbs. I recall having to wear a size 1 in juniors because nothing else fit me at the time. Even today, I still have a relatively fast metabolism but not NEAR what it was then -- now if I eat a lot of food I actually gain a little something. lol

In junior high I remember wearing clips in my hair to school and I always had this ignorant boy that used to rip them out of my hair all the time so I could never put anything in my hair without him ripping it out just about EVERY DAY (now, 10 years later, I know that guy is a homosexual and was in juvenile detention for a while because he sexually maleseted his brother - go figure).

I can't even remember what all the the bullying I dealt with honestly because with age is has all faded in my memory. Freshman year was the worse because I was at a point in my life where I felt I really wanted to grow and do well in HS but I had so many upperclassmen hate me for no apparent reason it was ridiculous. I really do think it was partially jealousy on the bully's part because I managed to make the cut for the dance squad while those girls didn't. Plus, I was the quiet kid so it was easy for them to call me "stuck up". Even some of my apparent "friends" that I had when entering high school were jealous and calling me "stuck up".... of course this was only a few in this portion of my graduating class doing this while the rest were just listening to them thinking "umm I don't think so" (or so I would later find out after high school even though at the time I thought and felt like everyone hated me). I think part of it was because I was maturing faster than everyone else my age and even a bit faster than some upperclassmen. I wanted harmony and understanding and was able to read people better than those around me, so several in my age group couldn't understand my reasoning sometimes. It was interesting that by the time senior year came around most caught up and it was like "dang, you were totally right about that.." I could probably go into more detail with that, but it would likely give me a headache thinking about all that stupid menial high school drama.

I will comment that I've loved college though - the coursework, the way people treat each other, everything. Plus, everyone is more mature, so it makes it easier. It's obviously not perfect all the time but it's probably the best time I've had in school.


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## SVALP

It pains me to say this, but on a few occasions I've made fun of and bullied people. This was all when I was around 13 years old, and I regret many things about the way I was back then. Before then I was more like a typical INFP kid (if such a thing exists), but at that point they put me in a class where I had none of all the friends I made before, so I was alone. I started to hang out with some troublemakers, and hence became sort of a trouble maker myself. So, there was some people that the guys I went with made fun of, so I did what they were doing. To be cool, to go with the flow. Not something I'm proud of now. As some people have said, it was precisely because of insecurities. I wanted to feel accepted, I guess; to feel like I was part of something. It's hard to say now what I was feeling precisely at the moment, but deep inside I'm sure I actually felt sorry for the people I did harm to. If only I could erase that chapter from my life...

But anyway, I was bullied alright. A little bit during all of school, but during high-school, between ages 15-17, it was the worst. I changed to a public school at that age, and I happened to got into the class that had the worst bunch of assholes of my year. I never made any actual friends, and I was pretty much alone the whole time. Since I was quiet and shy, I got picked on for that a lot, because I was "different". Overall, many of these people had no problem whatsoever in showing that they were disgusted by me. One idiot in particular used to say that I belong in a mental hospital; just because I was shy and quiet and didn't talk much. There was the usual stuff too, like hiding my things, spitting and so on, but it got worse at some point. There was the typical bunch of guys who had been at that course for like forever, and were older than me. They would push me, throw random things to me, etc. Not in a "haha, let's ridicule him" kind of way, but purposefully trying to harm me, like throwing stuff as strongly as possible directly into my head. Sometimes they would do this stuff in the middle of a class, with the teacher there; I remember one teacher in particular who wouldn't even do anything about it, probably because she didn't want to have to deal with it. Other teacher worried about me and tried to stop them whenever possible, but despite his good intentions he lacked a strong personality, so most of the time he wasn't able to stop them.

Ugh. I had actually forgotten some of this stuff. Not very happy memories, indeed. A lot of people probably had it way worse than I did, but I don't know how I made it through that hell.


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## Ming

Help please!

I need some advice on bullies - I'm not the one being bullied; but I see random people in my school, being bullied that is, and I don't like it when they do that (must be my Ne-Fi empathy!); and I find it almost annoying how people could do this.

It only happens in my drama class - where all the 'bludgers' and the 'gangsters' hang out - all of them are 'jerks' except for maybe 1 or 2 people. What should I do? Should I speak up? I'm not afraid, just don't wanna get into trouble (I wanna stay a straight-A student really!). Okay, maybe a little afraid - but if there were more 'nice' people in there, I wouldn't be so scared. Maybe just 1 person that I can really get along with in the whole class would be nice - but it's almost 20 on 1! Don't want that to happen!

The thing is, I'm perfectly comfortable in other classes - all of my other classes have no bullying (well I tell them to stop!) - it's just that drama class. All my other friends (I have loads, being the ENFP self!) don't do drama because they believe that only bad people go in. I think that I'm brave for even signing up!

The teacher doesn't seem to care - and even when she does, the students don't care - or make excuses. I kinda wish I didn't pick up drama - I had a passion for drama - I still do! But it's just that my class sucks. What should I do to stop these bullies? The thing is, I'm not getting bullied - but I don't want to see others getting bullied either. Some of them are just real jerks - and they don't seem to have any empathy whatsoever. I wish all of them would actually grow up, be more mature, and stop being such d*ckheads. 

Help?! :sad:

BTW - I go to an all boys school - we're all around 15 or so. I can't tell if they're just immature. But I still can't tolerate bullying. It disgusts me. But I don't want trouble either. ARRGH! Why do I have to be so goddamn worried for other people? *facepalm* -But yea, I really want to stop this - but it's hard when it's 20 people on 1 person (me) and probably 1 other victim. I feel so stuck in that class - but anything other than that - I have friends everywhere else. It's just that drama class with all the jerks!


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## Transkar

Ming said:


> Help please!
> 
> I need some advice on bullies - I'm not the one being bullied; but I see random people in my school, being bullied that is, and I don't like it when they do that (must be my Ne-Fi empathy!); and I find it almost annoying how people could do this.
> 
> It only happens in my drama class - where all the 'bludgers' and the 'gangsters' hang out - all of them are 'jerks' except for maybe 1 or 2 people. What should I do? Should I speak up? I'm not afraid, just don't wanna get into trouble (I wanna stay a straight-A student really!). Okay, maybe a little afraid - but if there were more 'nice' people in there, I wouldn't be so scared. Maybe just 1 person that I can really get along with in the whole class would be nice - but it's almost 20 on 1! Don't want that to happen!
> 
> The thing is, I'm perfectly comfortable in other classes - all of my other classes have no bullying (well I tell them to stop!) - it's just that drama class. All my other friends (I have loads, being the ENFP self!) don't do drama because they believe that only bad people go in. I think that I'm brave for even signing up!
> 
> The teacher doesn't seem to care - and even when she does, the students don't care - or make excuses. I kinda wish I didn't pick up drama - I had a passion for drama - I still do! But it's just that my class sucks. What should I do to stop these bullies? The thing is, I'm not getting bullied - but I don't want to see others getting bullied either. Some of them are just real jerks - and they don't seem to have any empathy whatsoever. I wish all of them would actually grow up, be more mature, and stop being such d*ckheads.
> 
> Help?! :sad:
> 
> BTW - I go to an all boys school - we're all around 15 or so. I can't tell if they're just immature. But I still can't tolerate bullying. It disgusts me. But I don't want trouble either. ARRGH! Why do I have to be so goddamn worried for other people? *facepalm* -But yea, I really want to stop this - but it's hard when it's 20 people on 1 person (me) and probably 1 other victim. I feel so stuck in that class - but anything other than that - I have friends everywhere else. It's just that drama class with all the jerks!


You don't know this now, but if you stick up for those being bullied, all of your "friends" will respect you more. I think you should stick up for them. Do not be afraid of these teenage "posers".


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## Verbrand

HollyGolightly said:


> I don't mean to generalise but I have noticed that NFs are prone to being bullied, especially the introverts.
> I was wondering if you ever experienced bullying and how you dealt with it and how you deal with it now (e.g. painful memories).
> I think it would be interesting to see if extroverted NFs deal with it differently to introverted NFs.
> And I was wondering, do NFs generally find it hard to be in a classroom environment and interact with other kids their age? I've found that this is usually the case.
> Just curious
> And as always, your thoughts on this please


I just sat quietly, went home and cried. Played some video games. I was the quiet short little kid who looked kind of weird and didn't talk to anyone. I cried wishing I would be better looking, stronger, and even smarter than I already was.


What do you know? I became taller, stronger, better looking, and am doing extremely well in college and have my eyes set on some top medical schools. 

Those people that bullied me? I don't care, they don't mean anything to me. 



Edit: Oh, and I stand up for others too now


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## Anhedonic Lake

Yes, verbally almost everyday for a decade.


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## Jojo

I was bullied. One guy that sat behind me ended up being a Pitcher for Pittsburgh Pirates.

I hate bullies.


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## stucknthesuburbs

INFJ here, this thread is very relevant to my life. My mom, an elementary school teacher, greatly affected my personality as a child, always preaching the golden rule. I'm happy with who I am, I consider myself to be one of the nicest people I know (although THAT sounds conceited). However, in late elementary and middle school, many took advantage of me. I do have an attitude, and know how to use it when someone is mean to me. I had to use it many times. You can tell by my icon, I'm a total hippie, I don't make fights about nothing and I prefer not to be in fights at all. For example, in fifth grade, this new girl had a problem with me, even though I did nothing to provoke her. She ended up making fun of me in front of everyone on the playgrounds, and somehow turned everyone against me. For the most part, this went on through seventh grade. Middle school was hell. But so far, high school's not that bad. Eighth grade gave me an opportunity to branch out and meet people I actually got along with.


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## Werewolfen

My getting bullied stopped at 13 when I shot up from 5'7" to 5'11" and my voice changed. At the time I lived at a house with an enclosed carport that I had filled with weights, a bench, and a heavy punching bag bolted to the ceiling and got serious at 14 with working out. Though I was never bullied bad, the neighborhood I lived in had certain cliques where it wouldn't be one big guy that jumped on you but 3 or 4 at one time. Before I hit puberty though I always felt safe because I would ride my bike around the neighborhood carrying some type of weapon, mace, brass knuckles, slapjack , expandable steel baton, stun gun,and the thing is my mom encouraged me to fight dirty and fight hard if faced with violence growing up. From 14 on up I feared no one.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

Bullying could also be a size thing and now it's spread online.

YouTube - Gotta Feeling -- I'm a Korean PARODY


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## Hammerhand

I was, for 9-10 years, physically, and mentally. I tried to fight fire with fire. I must confess, I was 'blessed' with quite some muscle compared to a lot of people at school, which certainly made it easier, I took some sort of pride in the fact that they had to be three or four to bring me down.

Nowadays, I'm starting to realize just what it cost me, and it certainly wasn't free, it sucks, hard.

The one thing I can't let go is the question of who I'd be if I hadn't had to go through it. What would differ?


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## dagnytaggart

Up until I was 10 or so, I WAS the bully. I never fought or physically threatened/harmed anyone (unless you count the time when I was 8 and threw a basketball at my "boyfriend"'s face on purpose), I was more into laughing at people and making them cry. (Those people usually were the shy feelers, lol)

Also, I'd trick people out of their snacks/toys/desserts/money, etc. (Ironically, this was easiest with the shy feelers, because I knew how to suddenly convince them that I "liked" them and "swore" to protect them...but I need that cookie for the strength. Victory will taste much sweeter than your Oreos.)

Like I said, I was a little kid. People are allowed to be assholes when they're a single-digit age.


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## benfoldsfive dude

I've been pushed around a bit, both physically and verbally, but if something goes wrong physically, I report it because I don't want to deal with any issues at school. Those who are verbally abusive, I tend to ignore them.


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## cappuccinocool

How about during AND after school. Yeah, thats more like it. Got a break in the morning tho. Guess they weren't on their A game in the morning so they had to save their best jokes for me during midday


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## Nostalgic

God said:


> People are allowed to be assholes when they're a single-digit age.


Oh of course, that's _perfectly_ acceptable!
If I had known that people were _allowed_ to be bullies in elementary school, I totally wouldn't have been upset about it. In fact, I feel like a total jerk now for trying to prevent them from doing their civic duty.

:dry:


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## soya

"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down".





OrangeAppled said:


> I largely felt invisible, and existed in this realm of anonymity where few people missed me when I didn't show up to class.
> 
> Part of this may have been self-imposed, as I was very shy and withdrawn and dismissive of many things my peers were into. Admittedly, I didn't make the effort I could have made. I also was the "smart girl" and socially awkward, and when you add all of that up it is very easy for people to ignore you. People also cannot wrap their heads around someone who doesn't easily fit into a neat category...I was smart, but not nerdy, socially awkward, but independent, etc.
> 
> I remember a girl telling me once that I looked like a girl "who always has a boyfriend" and people in general seemed to assume I must have friends and a life outside of school. So even though I felt like a nerd, people were regarding me as a snob. I suppose the aura of mystery was my shield from being bullied or teased, or even acknowledged.


hm...yeah. You're not alone on this. This was high school for me.

I still worry that I come off as a snob sometimes because I was told so many times in younger days about how stuck up or intimidating I was. Inside I always felt like a nerd and had no clue what other people were seeing.




Basinx said:


> In junior high I hit a kid with this spear i brought for some class.


I lol'd


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## Doom

I was never really bullied but from what I gather a lot of people were scared of me, apparently I attacked somebody in Primary School but I don't recall it so since then nobody really talked to me. I went through school without much friends, I was good friends with one guy but I switched schools so I never got to hang out with him. I had people who would be nice to me 1 on 1 but when other people came around they would ditch and sometimes even insult me.


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## ertertwert

I was picked on all the way to High School. I used to use Fe exclusively and as I've developed Ti more, it stopped affecting me so much. It didn't matter that they were making fun of me, although it still sucked. The last time I had a bully, I actually stood up for myself and won the fight. He never bugged me again.


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## sensorium

HollyGolightly said:


> Well I shall start off as I don't like to ask people to do things that I wouldn't do.
> I hated school, right from my first day at playgroup (yup I can remember that far back).
> I have recently dropped out. I can't take being in a classroom environment. I feel drowned by the bigger personalities.
> I was bullied constantly at school because I acted and looked different. There wasn't a class where somebody didn't have a problem with me.
> So school is not for me
> The way I have dealt with it is leave and try and find a way of being educated, but where I can work alone and on my own initiative.
> I have also remained true to myself. That's the only way that I can give the bullies their answer: YOU HAVE NOT CHANGED ME OR BROKEN ME.


Hah, this sounds so much like my life in school. I've always seemed to have this problem with attracting bullies and unsavory characters. Baffling really, since I'm a tall and fairly well-built person (I was already 6ft tall by the age of 16), yet they would ignore all the smaller, "nerdy" kids and come straight for me. 

I think it's because I have this innate sensitivity to people, so I could immediately "sense" when someone was looking for conflict. And given my utter dislike for conflict, I would attempt to avoid eye contact, and pretend to not notice them... which they would interpret as fear, I think, and inevitably draw their attention. 
Most of the time, they'd be the ones ending up with a bloody nose, which would surprise and frustrate them so much, they would return afterward with their older friends. Sigh.
I hated them, not just for picking on me, but for making me hurt them, when I'm by nature a nurturing and caring person.

But you know, they did "change" me. 
From them I've learned what NOT to be like. They made me ask myself: "What compels someone to put fear and pain into other sentient beings, just for the sake of it?" Probably because they are in pain and fear themselves, without even realizing. So I stopped hating them, and just felt sorry for them.

And from that question, many other questions stemmed, from which I derived my entire personal philosophy, my inner structure. 

So I am grateful.


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## abitsilly

Oh yeah, I was bullied.
But I'm over it.


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## Shorttail

God said:


> Like I said, I was a little kid. People are allowed to be assholes when they're a single-digit age.


It's the lack of remorse, I guess. Forgiveness comes easily, but I never saw myself able to trust someone who had not sought redemption.


It's sad, I guess. That people have to be broken before they can get whole.


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## gloosle

older thread, but hey why not

This is one thing I didn't have to deal with too much. I remember being made fun of a few times as an very young elem kid and a few times in middle school. But nothing scaring, and very few very vivid memories. I have more memories about insecure than bullied. 

its seems that while I was never one of the "cool" "popular kids" they all somehow liked me... or at least didn't think I was worth their time to harass. I remember one time I actually made friends with the school's biggest bully - and he became like my personal body guard and a good (elementary school) friend. he was a very sensitive kid himself.


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## pinkrasputin

I was bullied in my elementary school, in my neighborhood, and in my family. I was always the youngest of everyone around. I really don't know why. But my oldest sister describes me as a "gentle spirit" when I was a child. 

I think I handled it by no longer caring if people liked me. I also became the class clown. As I got a little older, I was also always in a relationship because I only trusted a romantic partner rather than people. Finally, acting on stage saved my life. 

I've since learned assertiveness and have found my voice. However, I've always remained strong in the idea that I don't want to hold power over others and I don't want someone to abuse their power over me. I love helping others empower themselves and I have a tendency to sniff out the bully in group dynamics. I've also worked hard to raise my daughter to become a strong confident individual. I've tried to lead by example. She has seen me fight my oppressors even when I didn't want to. I did it for her, but it was healthy for the both of us.


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## Blue Butterfly

I wish I knew then what I know now. I was bullied but back then I would try to befriend everyone. Now I pick and choose people wisely and carefully. Anyone that shows tendencies as abusers or users get my boot moved swiftly up their butt.

Anyone reading this. DO NOT EVER PUT UP WITH BULLIES. it don't mean you have to fight them. I find getting them out of your life then just ignoring them is the best. Learn to read the signs and get them out of your life as fast as possible as if they are toxic poison. For that is exactly what they are.


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## pinkrasputin

Blue Butterfly said:


> I wish I knew then what I know now. I was bullied but back then I would try to befriend everyone. Now I pick and choose people wisely and carefully. Anyone that shows tendencies as abusers or users get my boot moved swiftly up their butt.
> 
> Anyone reading this. DO NOT EVER PUT UP WITH BULLIES. it don't mean you have to fight them. I find getting them out of your life then just ignoring them is the best. Learn to read the signs and get them out of your life as fast as possible as if they are toxic poison. For that is exactly what they are.


Okay. I just heard you loud and clear. I started a whole other thread about what to do with a person in my life and your words just inspired me. Thank you B.B. !

And for other's that have been bullied: Do any of you find it hard to let go of wanting to teach your bully how to behave better? I confess this is a weakness.


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## Luke

It's made me want to teach them because I know most of them did it because they were bullied as children in a much worse way than they bullied me. A lot of them were from abusive families, so i forgive them and want to help them. But others were just jerks to be honest and I find that harder to accept. Ive been out of school for eight years but the scars left from being bullied still effect me.


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## Shorttail

I never believed I could redeem an oppressor. I never tried to make someone who wronged me realize anything. I treat people I don't respect like objects. I can talk to them and all, but it's all automatic and I'm just waiting to move around them.
My past bully is the only person I want to kill. It's too bad I'm scared of doing so. I think he applied to be my friend on Facebook some months ago. Only person I ever ignored.
It's at least 15 years ago and I still hold this much resent. How lovely.


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## Lord V

Yes, I was constantly bullied at school. Mostly verbal abuse. Luckily, nothing seriously physical. I took it to heart and hated about half my classmates and, like some INFPs, I held a grudge for quite some time. I'm mostly over it now, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect my somewhat to this day.


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## strawberryLola

I had a scar on my hand that was really huge, second degree burn that caused kids to make fun of me in elementary school.. I didn't let it get me down though, and I still managed to have friends. The scar is still there, but that disfigurement is a part of who I am, and I don't think I'd remove it. It's not that noticeable now.

In high school, when I was in incoming freshman, these sophomore and junior girls from a certain 'clique' tried to bully me, because they felt I was x,y, z.. I confronted them, and they let me be, afterwards.. it was stupid, because they were trying to defend their jock friend who was hitting on me, and I told him that I had a boyfriend at that time.. they took it as me being stuck up like I was too good for him. Yeah- he was cute, but I WAS in a relationship at that time, so I don't know what the hell their problem was just because I wasn't all over that jock. He was a nice guy though, and ended up not siding with those girls.. I think they just liked drama, and I'm not about that crap.


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## Preeb

I was bullied from... the start and all up to my 11th year at school. I haven't been as badly bullied as many others have, but it sure was though at times even so. the bullying varied from being beat up a few times (few times cause I could outrun most bullies at any given time), tripped every time I walked out a door and huge amounts of verbal abusement, which was the thoughest to handle, especially during a time when I didn't have many friends. My blond and very curly hair often was a target for amusement, for some reason (I now hate my hair 60% of the time). I'd always get angry and get in arguments or small fights with them, which I always lost or got sent to the teacher for (the teachers where I lived where good friends with the bullies parents, and none of them would believe their kid was bullies. One parent even said straight in the face of my parents and the teachers that he was rather proud his son wasn't a weakling like me. Did anything happen? naaaah...(for the record, that was the time is son tried to chuck a big block of ice at me from behind while his buddy stood in front distracting me... from pure chance I bent down to make a snowball and saw the clump of ice soar over me to hit the 'buddy' straight in the knee (which was kinda funny)))

Well, nowadays I contend with wishing a painful death on them. My solution for bullies now is ignore them. When they confront me, I look at them with a bored look on my face and say "really? You don't say.", among other things. Actually works. It confuses them that they don't get the reactions of fear, anger and distress they are no doubt used to.


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## SlimJim

I was never really bullied in school... mostly because I hit 6 feet in about 7th or 8th grade. So I got lucky I guess. People never tried to bully me because I was a pretty big dude. (little did they no I could never hurt a fly:laughing But I've always been kind of an outcast in school. I just flew under the radar mostly. To this day I don't really have any friends from school. I met them all through sports or summer camp or things like that. I do see bullying happen though, and I am always the one who befriends the kid getting picked on. Even when I don't particularly like them, it just seems like knowing somebody out there cares is enough for the victim.

I've been to two different high schools. One was coed and the other is all male. There is _dramatically_ less bullying at the all boys school, which I found quite surprising. Maybe in some twisted way people think bullying will attract girls? Whatever. I'm done with high school in May and I'll never look back. I know I'm gonna love college!


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## fantorangen

Never got bullied - even though I am tiny - only 5.2"
I guess the reason is that I have quite a temperament (choleric NFs) and when mad I become fearless.

Sure I got teased and beat up a few times but I fought back like crazy and after a while I got left alone.
It's sad but the fact is that kids bully kids that don't stand up for themselves.


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## Kastor

I never really had to put up with bullying since I kept myself and my interests to myself. But I really took it to heart, those rare times when people would actually give me shit about something. I'd either try my best to ignore them (let's face it, they're idiots), or briefly cry in the bathroom :/ I know people who've had it really bad at school. I've heard stories from them that I could hardly believe. I feel grateful that I made it out of school pretty much unscratched, but shit like this just shouldn't be happening. You shouldn't have to hide, but I completely understand why kids do.


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## Seeker

HollyGolightly said:


> Ermm... they were actually.
> How did you guess?
> *is in awe of your wisdom*
> *bows*
> :tongue:


I am sorry about that. It's a shame that they bullied you because you would have the greatest friend to them if they had been nice to you.

I think I know what happened and why they did it. They had been bullied or were afraid of being bullied. And they may have been abused at home. And a lot of it was because their families or school-mates were afraid of their NFness. And they themselves were getting it hard at school and maybe at home. 


ENFJ's being chameleons may often try too hard to fit in with the group when they are immature. The group can mean everything to them when they are young and is part of their whole self-worth. And so to try to distinguish themselves from you, they bullied you. It's because they were afraid of the you in themselves and because they were trying to show others that they were not like you. They thought that would buy them some protection from what seemed like a life threat. And somehow they subtracted you from the empathy category and managed to dehumanize you in their minds so that they could justify the whole thing. But I bet that some part of their conscious was aware and felt horribly ashamed. And so they had this giant soup of trauma and shame boiling around inside them that erupted onto others. 

If you still know them or can find them, I would tell them how much it hurt your feelings. (Try to use "I felt" statements rather than blame, and you'll get a better response.) If they have matured, they will probably give you a sincere apology and maybe even try to make it up to you somehow. 

I was abused at home and bullied at school. I was even bullied by our P.E. teacher at school. And I am still recovering from Type II Trauma from the whole thing---but I've made outstanding progress. 

But there was this other kid who was picked on even more in elementary school. And I feel so ashamed because I joined the crowd in making fun of him a few times. 

Later, I was nice to him in high school. And then I found him on Facebook later in life, and we are Facebook friends and Myspace friends. At that time, I voluntarily apologized. And we chit chat and say supportive things to each other now. I think we are both happy to be in each others' lives in some way. And I admire him so much for how he accepted the apology and for how kind he has been. He is a better person than I am.

I did go on to become a champion for abused children. I have fought for them in 80 hour work weeks while I had cancer. I have stood up to their abusers in court and have saved a lot of lives. Later, I felt that fighting was so against my nature, so I went on to a nurturing role as a professor. But I know that inside me is still someone who did some things wrong, and I'm monitoring that person to make sure she does not make an appearance.

But on behalf of all ENFJ's, I'd like to say that I'm sorry and that from all of your posts, you seem like a wonderful, beautiful person. And it is your very beautiful nature that scared others so much. Instead, it should be revered and treasured. Love and hugs to you!


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## I Dream of a Supernova

SlimJim said:


> I am always the one who befriends the kid getting picked on. Even when I don't particularly like them, it just seems like knowing somebody out there cares is enough for the victim.


N'awwwww. That's incredibly sweet. It's always nice to see someone do something positive, particularly when it could have quite a profound effect on someone. It's always lovely to know _someone_ cares 


I don't really think I could say I was bullied, but I definately didn't fit in. There were times, particularly when we were all younger, when I was excluded and even beaten a couple of times. I always found it hard to relate to kids my age. It was always the younger ones (who i could be silly with) or the older ones (who I could be more grown up in humour and how we act and they understood things younger people couldn't). 
What definately didn't help the situation though, was moving schools, being incredibly shy and nervous (partially to do with a turbulant home life) and the fact I always dressed in boys clothes xD

I just kinda grew to accept the fact that there are all these people who don't understand and there always will be, and just be happy for the close friends I _do_ have and the people who _do_ understand. I also found being nice to a few of the people who don't understand works wonders, and made a couple of friends out of it actually ^-^;

I used to be very quiet and unhappy but after becoming more content with myself and visably happy with my friends things have sorta... eased off, and it doesn't and wouldn't even matter any more so long as I have the few people who care


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## Razvan

ZomgItsEmma said:


> N'awwwww. That's incredibly sweet. It's always nice to see someone do something positive, particularly when it could have quite a profound effect on someone. It's always lovely to know _someone_ cares
> 
> 
> I don't really think I could say I was bullied, but I definately didn't fit in. There were times, particularly when we were all younger, when I was excluded and even beaten a couple of times. I always found it hard to relate to kids my age. It was always the younger ones (who i could be silly with) or the older ones (who I could be more grown up in humour and how we act and they understood things younger people couldn't).
> What definately didn't help the situation though, was moving schools, being incredibly shy and nervous (partially to do with a turbulant home life) and the fact I always dressed in boys clothes xD
> 
> I just kinda grew to accept the fact that there are all these people who don't understand and there always will be, and just be happy for the close friends I _do_ have and the people who _do_ understand. I also found being nice to a few of the people who don't understand works wonders, and made a couple of friends out of it actually ^-^;
> 
> I used to be very quiet and unhappy but after becoming more content with myself and visably happy with my friends things have sorta... eased off, and it doesn't and wouldn't even matter any more so long as I have the few people who care


 Hmmm, isn't beating and being excluded mean you were bullied? I have been bullied a few times, during general school and it was awful, and probably bullied to a lesser extent others through some bad deeds (like bad pranks). I did feel bad afterwards and learned from that, when you are young you mimic the behaviours you see around you and let's just say people around me were crazy! :laughing: I don't think it's really a personality issue (either ENFJ or whatever) but more like an age issue and a group issue. If the group is closely monitored by a mentor who can teach you what is right and what is wrong, this kind of attitude should be kpt under control. If not...


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## I Dream of a Supernova

Razvan said:


> Hmmm, isn't beating and being excluded mean you were bullied?


Haha, okay, you're probably right xD
Maybe I mean just, not as bad as others?


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## Razvan

ZomgItsEmma said:


> Haha, okay, you're probably right xD
> Maybe I mean just, not as bad as others?


I don't know, psychical abuse is always worse in my opinion. I was physically and psyhically abused a couple of times. It wasn't pleasant, but the worse was definitely the psychical one, or maybe when the 2 were combined...yeah, that I think was the worse and it was always buy kids older than me, whom I couldn't fight back, well, I could outwit them but unfortunately me responding back with sarcastic humour only made things worse. :laughing: So yeah, I guess, it could be worse if you combine the 2. And being INFP which is sometimes overly trusting can always get you in a lot of trouble, especially if you put your trust in the wrong people. I used to be so innocent and gullible, I would've probably trusted the devil when he looked me in the eye and said he was being honest. So you can say I learned a few things from that...or at least I like to think I did.

Unfortunately kids can be mean and some of them never grow up.


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## Mandi

I was bullied at fourteen, for reasons my friends told me was 'cause they're jealous'.
Which I think is the reasoning most people give for bullies...

But I was a small girl, still am, very very skinny, I weighed around 70lbs back then
and still only weigh 84lbs now. I'm short though, about 5'2.

I was a quiet girl, unless with friends and then I was hyperactive, but still one of
the quietest out of them. I was very much a daydreamer and that hasn't changed xD

While being bullied, it was only two girls and they only did it in one place - outside my Religion class.
They kept me from entering the class and nearly pushed me down a flight of stairs...

When they were by themselves, they did nothing, so I was glad for those days.

It only stopped because my best friend at the time became friend's with the main initiator and told her to stop.
Which thankfully she did.

Dealing with it today... it was in the past, so I don't think about it much, but speaking about it,
not like on here where I'm typing it out, but actually having to talk about it, makes me feel like I did then,
small, useless and worthless... so I don't.

I think it made me into a stronger person though and I know if they ever tried something like that with me
now, they would get a mouthful and quite possibly a tough fight. I may be introverted, but threaten me or
my friends and you have one sharp tongue. I don't like confrontation and will avoid it at all costs but if it's
unavoidable then I have been told I'm kind of scary and relentless. >.<

As for bullies online, I take about the same reaction to it as Sily - I ignore it. They aren't worth the time and
seriously, it's just as it's called here 'getting hardcore with a keyboard' and most of the time they wouldn't
have the guts to say any of it to your face, so therefore you can feel better because they are just pathetic
and attention seeking. - That's what I have found anyway, my friend was bullied online but the girl never once
said anything to her face. We all mostly rolled our eyes at her and her childish, pathetic ways.

In my opinion, there is no excuse to bully. Not because you are jealous, not because you just think the person
is different, not because you've had a tough life and you need an outlet - you're only making yourself a worse
person and hurting mostly yourself in the long run because no one likes a bully.


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