# What Is The Most Difficult Thing About Dating You?



## Perlanthesis

I have a contradictory problem. When I date and care about someone I can be super clingy (I respect boundaries though I’m not a stalker...well, for a brief period I used to be... dark times) and I intensely observe and want to understand every aspect of your life. Though when I need my silent, alone time, you’ll never find me even if you attempt to break down my door I’ll not be there. Physically maybe, but the spirit and essences will not be there. I am not a functionable girlfriend till I get my recharge time.


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## WickerDeer

How perfect I am in every way. It's very intimidating.

And how incredibly humble I am.


* *





just kidding. one issue that existed between the two long-term relationships I had is that apparently, I talk a lot--I must communicate badly. But my first relationship, he would actually fall asleep when I was talking about feeling stuff, and the second put limits--like literally made a rule about when I could express feelings and that I had to "ask for permission." Ugh--being single isn't that bad.


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## Perlanthesis

WickerDeer said:


> How perfect I am in every way. It's very intimidating.
> 
> And how incredibly humble I am.
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> just kidding. one issue that existed between the two long-term relationships I had is that apparently, I talk a lot--I must communicate badly. But my first relationship, he would actually fall asleep when I was talking about feeling stuff, and the second put limits--like literally made a rule about when I could express feelings and that I had to "ask for permission." Ugh--being single isn't that bad.


True, I do enjoy being a single llama with no drama.


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## WickerDeer

Perlanthesis said:


> True, I do enjoy being a single llama with no drama.


Me too. I can also relate to what you said too, but it varies. Like one partner (the one who fell asleep ESFP) treated me like I was clingy. The other (the one who made the rule about "asking for permission to talk about feelings" ESFJ) acted like I was too aloof.

But the only consistency between them was neither of them could handle listening to my feelings!  I guess it's like a secret weapon!

But yeah, I am way happier being alone than with someone who I am not right with.


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## Crowbo

I talk too much sometimes.


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## eeo

WickerDeer said:


>


Wow, that llama is my new spirit animal. I want to be more like that in public, and not only in my head.


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## shameless

Probably most people confusing my lack of Fi (defines morals) and not understanding I have extremely extremely high standards for principles Fe (character). 

I don’t care to so much assess whether people are right or wrong morally but principles of how someone goes about something does stick out. 

I bring this up because I have noticed that I probably have dated mostly feelers both Fe/Fi people. Who by virtue I off the surface could really Be underestimated by, due to lack of my inhibition or the fact I can be shameless. They underestimate my obnoxious traits and lower black and white moral compass and don’t realize I have my own set of standards 

Anyways the irony is I do have my own world map and view. My principles are pretty damn high. I hold myself high to them. Often to my own detriment. But I’m also assessing the respect I have for others off of this map. 

I’ve found many I date think they are owed respect. Well I won’t respect you if I think you’re a coward or take the path of least resistance but then piss and moan about my social dominance and then condemn me on morality while comparing it to your virtues. This has been an underlined thing I think in many of my relationships. 

I think though I’m willing more so to accept that people can’t live up to all my principles and accept them and myself for short comings in general. It’s when I get nagged for not respecting a partner over principles (that’s not a debt and it’s not owed) just like I don’t fucken sit and hold my morality to them and demand they consider me righteous. You want MY fucken respect well operate in a fashion where you live by principles and you will get it. 

Anyways It may be my principles are high and principles are not as transparent as morality police. And morality police often break silent codes of ethics that people with principles have. So because I’m not transparent in relaying what my principles are, people don’t understand why I don’t play the same game as them. A lot of it has to do with validation and respect. The same as I’m condemned for being an arrogant shameless person well they don’t like when I shed light on their vanity and cowardly behavior when it applies many people want the accolade but are not willing to have dirty hands. I make sure to let them know they are guilty sometimes by who they silently back, or the actions they do not take or force other to take for them. Being a coward or of little action does not make one exempt. 

It’s sorta hard to explain. Basically I’m watching people and I see a lot. 

My ex husband hated that while I loved him I did not respect him. Doesn’t mean that he was all bad. He had many redeeming qualities. But he most certainly did not truly have respect. You can’t when you act like a child and leave others to get their hands dirty making tough choices. I find many people have someone they defer to, to get hands dirty so they can be likable to all. Well that is fine, but then don’t get pissed when you’re passed over for respect. 

Anyways I’m critical. But in a way that is disarming because I’m so go with the flow until I blow. And I can tear someone form the insides out with words if I hold a mirror up if they fuck with me. And I don’t hand out respect like gum drops and candy. Courtesy I give until someone breaks the rules. If you’re not showing me courtesy and you’re my mate I will fuck ya up mentally. So I’m an arrogant dick


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## Electra

Probably my ADHD (ADD)...or my PTSD. I have a lot of traumas that I don't like to talk about.


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## Bellerixx

Maybe because I have a boyfriend and I don't want anyone to get close. Plus, I'm very hard to read sometimes


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## ENIGMA2019

Sensational said:


> Probably most people confusing my lack of Fi (defines morals) and not understanding I have extremely extremely high standards for principles Fe (character).
> 
> I don’t care to so much assess whether people are right or wrong morally but principles of how someone goes about something does stick out.
> 
> I bring this up because I have noticed that I probably have dated mostly feelers both Fe/Fi people. Who by virtue I off the surface could really Be underestimated by, due to lack of my inhibition or the fact I can be shameless. They underestimate my obnoxious traits and lower black and white moral compass and don’t realize I have my own set of standards
> 
> Anyways the irony is I do have my own world map and view. My principles are pretty damn high. I hold myself high to them. Often to my own detriment. But I’m also assessing the respect I have for others off of this map.
> 
> I’ve found many I date think they are owed respect. Well I won’t respect you if I think you’re a coward or take the path of least resistance but then piss and moan about my social dominance and then condemn me on morality while comparing it to your virtues. This has been an underlined thing I think in many of my relationships.
> 
> I think though I’m willing more so to accept that people can’t live up to all my principles and accept them and myself for short comings in general. It’s when I get nagged for not respecting a partner over principles (that’s not a debt and it’s not owed) just like I don’t fucken sit and hold my morality to them and demand they consider me righteous. You want MY fucken respect well operate in a fashion where you live by principles and you will get it.
> 
> Anyways It may be my principles are high and principles are not as transparent as morality police. And morality police often break silent codes of ethics that people with principles have. So because I’m not transparent in relaying what my principles are, people don’t understand why I don’t play the same game as them. A lot of it has to do with validation and respect. The same as I’m condemned for being an arrogant shameless person well they don’t like when I shed light on their vanity and cowardly behavior when it applies many people want the accolade but are not willing to have dirty hands. I make sure to let them know they are guilty sometimes by who they silently back, or the actions they do not take or force other to take for them. Being a coward or of little action does not make one exempt.
> 
> It’s sorta hard to explain. Basically I’m watching people and I see a lot.
> 
> My ex husband hated that while I loved him I did not respect him. Doesn’t mean that he was all bad. He had many redeeming qualities. But he most certainly did not truly have respect. You can’t when you act like a child and leave others to get their hands dirty making tough choices. I find many people have someone they defer to, to get hands dirty so they can be likable to all. Well that is fine, but then don’t get pissed when you’re passed over for respect.
> 
> Anyways I’m critical. But in a way that is disarming because I’m so go with the flow until I blow. And I can tear someone form the insides out with words if I hold a mirror up if they fuck with me. And I don’t hand out respect like gum drops and candy. Courtesy I give until someone breaks the rules. If you’re not showing me courtesy and you’re my mate I will fuck ya up mentally. So I’m an arrogant dick











I am not sure I could have formulated that as well as you just did. Thanks, I needed to read that!


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## ENIGMA2019

I also wonder do you think it is the correlation that we are both female ESTPs?


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## shameless

ENIGMA2019 said:


> I am not sure I could have formulated that as well as you just did. Thanks, I needed to read that!


Oh definitely 😉


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## Glittris

I am more cold-faced than the next incoming ice-age when it comes to myself, I happily ask and reply to your discussion of yourself, but I rarely talk about myself much..., when the date is over I would probably know 99% of you while you will know like 1% of myself.

"... What the hell..., do you really ask me what my job is..., you are trying to pin-point where I am in your (rather stupid) religious hierarchy, to determine how much imaginary paper created from thin air I compete for and bring home each month... "


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## Bluezone

The most difficult thing about dating me...

If I get suspicious if you are talking to another girl in a flirting way. I turn into a renegade and disappear.
I just can't handle feeling hurt, it's too much for me.


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## Letmeapologizethenban

Too many options. It’s tough out here


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## Glitch_

Baggage, self destructive tendencies, mental health issues, pushing for the goal with blinders on then having to do the "clean up" of casualties. Effectively, something will always be happening so a lot of energy is required.


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## Eugenia Shepherd

Rather internally intense (I've discovered I can be "too much" for some) and eccentric; not _unhealthy_, just an odd piece.
Likely more relevant: I'm far too attached to my personal comfort levels. I can't "do" whirlwind romances.
I definitely ask for a strong dosage of sincerity and faithfulness/loyalty.
I might be seen as overly trustworthy (lol), and consequently sort of dry or even puritanical/straitlaced.


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## Crowbo

I can be overly ambitious sometimes and end up biting off more than I can chew.


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## letsrunlikecrazy

I don't make myself available for dating. I don't have issues interacting with people on a platonic level but I'm highly uncomfortable flirting. When men display interest in me I feel uncomfortable and start to avoid them or act disinterested. My ideal start to a relationship is to be friends for a long time, and gradually grow closer. But I know that's not the norm these days.


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## erica1994

Im the type that doesn’t go for anyone or just sleeps around if I date you I like you and want you in my life. I love too hard and I always am too forgiving I believe that nothing is impossible and that anyone can change. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rift

impulsenine said:


> That seems to me the only difficult thing. Something like "we both want each other but time must pass to see if you deserve it".
> 
> Not many agree with this (now it depends on how old you are).
> 
> I find it stupid to refrain from pleasure and from creating intimacy (because this is done through sex) just for this reason "let's play to see how long we can without". I'd rather say you're checking "let's see how much he's willing to wait for something he wants so much."


well, in the **** world, sex is readily available at every turn.. so, if all they're interested in is sex, it would be better to approach me for sex directly than play this cat and mouse game of wasting my time with dating rituals that don't adequately translate to a male on male relationship.

We could likely connect through sex but the dynamics are different. . . merging bodies is one thing, merging the rest is something I'm cautious on. It is gaming playing and a test. a test on both our parts towards a commitment. I'd expect he'd be able to attend to his sexual needs in a gratifying way on his own. I wouldn't exactly be against alternative modes, such as video, text or phone. All of which is may be more educational than the physical act.

But I'm quite aware of my flaws and limitations. If we can't muster a year of abstinence in the potential quest for the one. the one which I have no evidence in believing in. I'm going to need something else on the table - trust.

frankly, it's not as if I'd hold the keys to his cockcage or chastity belt. he's free to do as he wishes, when he wishes, with whom he wishes. But if he is unable to discuss such matters with me early on.. I don't see it working out in the long term, particularly if we chose to eventually forego safer sex.



impulsenine said:


> In my opinion, this would be a red flag. Someone who is willing to wait a long time: lacks initiative or is afraid or disinterested. Or he has other problems. Of course there are people who do not fall into any category, but in general, you need to check this.
> 
> In the phase of knowing the person you have to give him hints about the fact that (in this case: you are a "slut"). But this must also correlate with what you do, not just with what you believe or think. If you are one way and act completely differently, it seems to me that you are not authentic at all. Not for me but for you.


I act many ways and redress myself as necessary to navigate through those environments. I'm quite open in regards to who I am and what I believe, even if most of the time that comes off as a bratty child. And what do I care of authenticity? What's authentic is often found under distress. .. not the faux presentation in which one presents themselves in an interview. so many masks and costumes between different aspects of life. various shades of me but not a whole picture. . that is only something that time can reveal. I couldn't magically muster it up for you now... save to say this is a detached and depersonalized version of myself. It would likely be eaiser to play 100 questions. But neither you nor I operate that way, we lead by assumption which involves a great deal of projection in attempting to read the other person. I would suspect you read this as more emotional than it is. It does have shades of a defensive posture, no?



impulsenine said:


> I'm not saying you should aim fast for intimacy and sex. I'm just saying that this is a game that if you are over 20 years old, no one will swallow it.
> 
> But anyway, men come in various forms. Maybe your NFs find your approach very sweet. After all, it's not about me here, you certainly don't aim for an INTP.


It's not about being sweet. It's obviously about controlling the environment and the situation. It's quite easy for me to attach to someone quickly when it comes to intimacy and sex but that is common within the gay community, more common than a handshake. Certainly, I could go a more conservative route but 'love' isnt something high on my priority list nor the desire for greater companionship. 

All of these things, mental gymnastics, evaluations or bs simulations towards standards pale to more fixed realities. . . such as the nature of my health and it's likely end in a horrible death, though likely stretching on for months, if not years, that most people won't have the capacity to handle. 

so, if I had any sense of morality.. it would be better to avoid such a connection, all other things aside. But we argue people make their own choices, I'm sure those sweet nfs you talk about might even find it romantic. I do know of a shop that would let them keep the bones. so they will never be alone. . . but I rather fancy the idea of being frozen, even if I have less faith in that.

It's not exactly a good starter, is it? That my body is slowly turning in on itself, some joints will fuse, will have to broken, stretched out and I can only wait and watch until I no longer recognize my own form. .. random episodes of where hair high and low falling out, along with teeth and nails, medications that cause my skin to peel off and exaggerated immune responses that can turn a random bug nto a cause for a medically induced coma. . . for a few weeks, if I wake at all, if I live long enoughto be induced. the after affects of nerve damage, temporarily paralysis or potentially permanent, the dependence on strangers to wipe my derriere.. fainting episodes looking no different than seizures and promoting the same fears, and in turn, the loss of independence for months to years, to even drive myself without going through numerous checks and balances. An ever changing lifestyle and plans.

Is it that I have a big ego or a little opinion on the nature of man...

just becuase bloke is interested in the size of my cock isn't enough to mitigate the toll that would place upon someone.

And the kind of people that attracts is far worse to me.


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## maxmayer

I like freedom.. I need freedom but some of my ex-girlfriends didn't understand me. I have friends and I like spending time with them. I like watching porn. But I don't want the girl who forbids me to do that. I guess that's the most difficult thing about dating me. That's why every time I am tired of her I watch tube porno to relax a little bit


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## pwowq

I'm "indecisive". I break in a relationship for a longer period trying to figure out wtf I want and if the partner is what they say they are. I don't jump head first into other people declaring I want them for life etc, that's selfish and evil.


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## Infinitus

Your feelings of inadequacy.


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## SirCanSir

My stubbornness when i set my mind on something. Sometimes it may be tough to make me realize it so i can stop preserving some opinion. I trust my own judgement a bit too much sometimes and i may need to unironically be debated to change certain views.

Im trying to be a bit more open to specific kinds of feedback (like the kind that comes from less detached, calm and rational people who im used to trust more) that i may have been really slow at receiving.


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## Dr Whoresy

I have a hard time thinking of other people.


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## Squirt

I don’t know about universally difficult, but some have said I’m not very romantic and “too analytical”. I demand a lot of independence and freedom, which I didn’t notice until it became a problem for some... but I’m equally willing to give others space. Not very demonstrative of affections most of the time. Hear couples on the phone saying things like, “awe I miss you! You’re so sweeeeet. Love you babe!” and I could not physically force myself to talk like that. Even with lovers I’m like, “Okay thanks. Later.”


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## mino

Normally I’m fine, but I’m a bit power-hungry if you give me a way to abuse it.


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding

Hmm, maybe something like I won't really put in any effort to engage or impress any of the people you know. And that's probably putting it mildly, cause saying I'd want you all to myself is a telltale red flag...

I was thinking about this, and maybe the way I put it was more of glorifying a style of relationship, codependency; whereas in actuality the real issue is that I'm the extremely jealous and _shell_fish type. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, and I'd like to think that I've worked on myself to some extent and resolved x issues; but tbh I don't have high confidence in that - especially considering I _haven't _been in relationships to test how I'd now act emotionally in any given moment - when it involves someone that I might happen to be infatuated/obsessed/'in love' with...


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## Crowbo

Probably my inexperience with dating in general.


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## Strakalo

I am very jealous but mostly I am a perfect partner. It's actually not that easy to keep strong relationships, it's hard work but if both partners are ready to do that, everything will be alright. By the way guys, I ordered Apple watch for my wife at Walmart but the parcel is shipping for 2 weeks. Should I contact Spamspam?


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## Crowbo

I can be pretty stubborn at times.


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## ENIGMA2019

Low tolerance for control freaks, liars and BS in general. Violation of my freedom(especially choices) will trigger me like nothing else.

Also, I am not going to constantly carry a conversation. One-sided conversations get ignored after a few attempts or reciprocated interest (questions about me). It is called an exchange...some have not realized it.


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## Infinitus

If I need to work on a song at 3am I'm going to do that. I do have some discipline and restraint, but if I think it's _really_ important, nobody is stopping me.


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## bearlybreathing

As soon as I realize we are close, I will get scare you will leave and I will push you away to avoid being hurt, and then blame it on you because you worded something less than perfectly or some bullshit like that.


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## Sinuous

I don’t show an “open” body posture (in the body language sense) 
makes me look uninterested, or distant, or tense(especially in the beginnings)

I can’t express feelings accurately, or at all, and I show it by actions, and it’s an obstacle for those who need verbal affirmation and direct communication about emotions(even tho I’m trying to be more open)


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## Sinuous

bearlybreathing said:


> As soon as I realize we are close, I will get scare you will leave and I will push you away to avoid being hurt, and then blame it on you because you worded something less than perfectly or some bullshit like that.


Partially true, 
For me it’s about hating to be vulnerable, and feeling weak. 
Even tho it’s not healthy..


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## thisisme

i would say the sxness. i don't feel like elaborating.


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## odinthor

That I don't like pretending and I don't like pretenders.


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## Flabarac Brupip

One other thing is that I don't tell people I love them unless I'm 100% sure I mean it. So if you're craving to hear "I love you." and I'm just not 100% sure, then you're not gonna hear it.

I also give compliments of any sort to people only when I'm 100% sure I mean them. So that could be another problem. For example, I won't tell you that you look great unless I'm 100% sure I mean it.


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