# "You're trying too hard"



## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

I keep hearing that phrase... "You're trying too hard" in regards to dating. I'm so sick and tired of hearing it. I've tried everything. Meet a guy, things go great on the date, he asks for my number (the last one was a blind date), and then the next thing I know we talk once and then never again. I'm not so much upset about this last one, because the things I learned about him I was a little turned off by anyway.... but in general I'm just tired of the dating game. 

I finally caught a break and was seeing this one guy for about a month.. And we'd curl up on the couch wrapped up in his arms cuddling while watching a movie... And when I ask him if we're dating or what, he looks at me like I'm nuts... I mean, I don't cuddle up on the couch with all my friends... I would have thought that was dating... I guess I must just be nuts. :tongue:

I can't seem to find the happy medium of the right amount of contact. It's like I always either call too much or too little. It ends up putting my stomach in knots trying to decide should I call or not... 

I'm at the point where the thought of going out makes me sick. I just want to cower and cry. I don't know where to meet people. I really can't wait to get out to the university once I wrap up these last two classes here and maybe I'll meet someone there... As it stands currently, I work in a college, but certainly can't date a student in my position because it could be seen as a conflict of interest or favoring...I don't want to pick up a guy from a bar... Our library contains two age groups.. Senior citizens and high school kids... Internet dating is just a pain in the ass.... Half the people I come across on dating sites want one thing and it's NOT a relationship... 

Where did you meet your significant other/spouse? And how old were you? I'm 28 now and it seems like everyone my age is already married with kids.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

If you're looking for an alternative, I would suggest going the friend route. Stop focusing on finding someone to be romantic with and look for some really great guys to be friends with. A number of things could happen from there, such as 1) you end up finding someone with whom you have really great chemistry, or 2) the friends you make introduce you to more of their friends, some of whom you can connect with. Extend your network and keep your eyes open.

Try not to get too discouraged. If you find that you are losing spirit, spend some time with the people you have already formed connections with to ground yourself before jumping back into the frey. Hope that helps :happy:


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## Happy (Oct 10, 2008)

Korvyna I'll be short and sweet. The best place to pick up men are on the internet. There are some great guys out there, you just need to use a little iNtuition when using the net.

Other than that, just follow Liontigers advice. Don't fall prey to false romance by seeking it. Just let things flow and love will eventually find you.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I'm 31, socially awkward, and I'm not married. I feel your pain. If I find the answer, I'll be sure to let you know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## INFpharmacist (Aug 7, 2009)

Korvyna said:


> I keep hearing that phrase... "You're trying too hard" in regards to dating. I'm so sick and tired of hearing it. I've tried everything. Meet a guy, things go great on the date, he asks for my number (the last one was a blind date), and then the next thing I know we talk once and then never again. I'm not so much upset about this last one, because the things I learned about him I was a little turned off by anyway.... but in general I'm just tired of the dating game.
> 
> I finally caught a break and was seeing this one guy for about a month.. And we'd curl up on the couch wrapped up in his arms cuddling while watching a movie... And when I ask him if we're dating or what, he looks at me like I'm nuts... I mean, I don't cuddle up on the couch with all my friends... I would have thought that was dating... I guess I must just be nuts. :tongue:
> 
> ...


If you feel like it's right, then call. Then once you have a connection established, back off. If he continues to pursue you after that, then you're good.

Maybe I'm acting like it's that easy, but that's how it always has boiled down to for me.

If you're into it... be sure to have multiple options open. It makes you a commodity and forces a decision sooner rather than later because of competition.


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## Drake (Oct 31, 2009)

I met my wife at a low point in my life, where the last thing on my mind was finding a woman to share my life with. She came over to a mutual friends house and it was for lack of better terms "magical" 

I wish I had some great sage advice for you but the only thing I can think of is, relax and have fun. You are not in a race with your friends on getting married, but finding a deep satisfying relationship takes time and luck it seems.


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

Thanks. I do have a couple of really good guy friends. I have more than just the two, but there are two that I'd give the world to them if I could. One has a girlfriend... And one is wanting to go overseas for another tour with the military. 

And it's always nice to hear you aren't alone, so thanks snail! And socially awkward or not, it doesn't seem to matter. I'm in that same boat, but I'm pretty comfortable in social situation. 

I'm actually considering taking all this knowledge I've learned from all my first dates this year and I think I'm going to turn it into a book... :wink:


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

Yeah, it's possible to try too hard. Go for the book! If you're a sexual variant on the ennaegram, you're going to be looking even when you're not looking. Socializing can help you get your needs for affection met, and also lead you to more contacts. I always like to encourage women to get involved with the community in some way so you can meet people! Find something yuo're passionate about and you're more likely to find a man who is like minded. Let it go for a while and become the woman you want to be, for the man who's becoming the man he wants to be for when he meets you!


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Korvyna said:


> I keep hearing that phrase... "You're trying too hard" in regards to dating. I'm so sick and tired of hearing it. I've tried everything. Meet a guy, things go great on the date, he asks for my number (the last one was a blind date), and then the next thing I know we talk once and then never again. I'm not so much upset about this last one, because the things I learned about him I was a little turned off by anyway.... but in general I'm just tired of the dating game.
> 
> I finally caught a break and was seeing this one guy for about a month.. And we'd curl up on the couch wrapped up in his arms cuddling while watching a movie... And when I ask him if we're dating or what, he looks at me like I'm nuts... I mean, I don't cuddle up on the couch with all my friends... I would have thought that was dating... I guess I must just be nuts. :tongue:
> 
> ...



Read the book, "Why men Love Bitches" by Sheryl Argov. It's definitely not your run of the mill dating book -- I think it'll blow your mind and open the world to male dating psychology.
It did for me anyway.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Also the book, "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Green is an enlightening read.

I haven't found "the one" yet. But I tell you, since I've read these books men certainly treat me a lot better and I get a LOT more attention. ATM I have 9 guys interested in me:shocked: and 2 serenaded me at the pub the other night.
Read them, hon.
You're probably just being too nice and honest, putting all your cards on the table. It's a sad and disturbing but to an extent we must learn to play the game.
Like grandma always said, "treat 'em rough and tell 'em nothing".
Grandma sure knew...


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

amanda32 said:


> Also the book, "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Green is an enlightening read.
> 
> I haven't found "the one" yet. But I tell you, since I've read these books men certainly treat me a lot better and I get a LOT more attention. ATM I have 9 guys interested in me:shocked: and 2 serenaded me at the pub the other night.
> Read them, hon.
> ...


Oh now that is funny. I've got Robert Green's whole series. 48 Laws of Power... The Art of Seduction... And The 33 Strategies of War... I was starting to think I was the only person besides my best friend to have read those books.

I have plenty of guys interested... Just none that I'm interested in back. For some reason 21 year olds flock to me... And I hate it because I have zero in common with them.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Korvyna said:


> I keep hearing that phrase... "You're trying too hard" in regards to dating. I'm so sick and tired of hearing it. I've tried everything. Meet a guy, things go great on the date, he asks for my number (the last one was a blind date), and then the next thing I know we talk once and then never again. I'm not so much upset about this last one, because the things I learned about him I was a little turned off by anyway.... but in general I'm just tired of the dating game.
> 
> I finally caught a break and was seeing this one guy for about a month.. And we'd curl up on the couch wrapped up in his arms cuddling while watching a movie... And when I ask him if we're dating or what, he looks at me like I'm nuts... I mean, I don't cuddle up on the couch with all my friends... I would have thought that was dating... I guess I must just be nuts. :tongue:
> 
> ...


 
you should let them call you. they may make you wait but thats part of the fun.


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

Mercer said:


> you should let them call you. they may make you wait but thats part of the fun.


Hehe, so.... After a month I take it they aren't calling. :crazy:


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## INFpharmacist (Aug 7, 2009)

Mercer said:


> you should let them call you. they may make you wait but thats part of the fun.


It drove me crazy to wait for them to call, but it was sooooo worth it! I loved to see them call, weak at their knees wondering if I still cared. :tongue: 

Men seem to go crazy and melt when they're being ignored, like taffy on a hot, summer day.

I would respond in a caring way when they would finally call me. But then I went back to ignoring them to keep them wanting. I don't know... but absence sure does seem to make a heart grow fonder. :blushed:


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

*bashes head on desk*

Why? Why do some guys assume that ALL GIRLS want a serious relationship!? This last guy that I thought would be cool to hang out with every now and then told my coworker that I was fine, but he doesn't want anything serious right now. So, instead of asking me what I was looking for... You just go ahead and assume that I want something serious?! 

The closest thing I have to a serious relationship I have right now is my major. I'm focused on that and really am only looking for people to have fun with on the weekends when I'm not wrapped up in studying.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Korvyna said:


> *bashes head on desk*
> 
> Why? Why do some guys assume that ALL GIRLS want a serious relationship!? This last guy that I thought would be cool to hang out with every now and then told my coworker that I was fine, but he doesn't want anything serious right now. So, instead of asking me what I was looking for... You just go ahead and assume that I want something serious?!
> 
> The closest thing I have to a serious relationship I have right now is my major. I'm focused on that and really am only looking for people to have fun with on the weekends when I'm not wrapped up in studying.


a guy can task you what your looking for, because that gives you all the power.


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

Mercer said:


> a guy can task you what your looking for, because that gives you all the power.


So... By that same logic... Is it possible that they don't ask because a statement like "I'm not looking for anything serious..." would be taken as rejection to them? Like they aren't good enough to be in a relationship with?


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