# PSA: How NOT to Date Women



## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

Ms. Aligned said:


> Let's talk about how NOT to try to date a woman, shall we?
> 
> 
> If on a first date she instinctively turns away every time you try to kiss her, stop trying, don't continue trying to kiss them.
> ...


1. Ok, WTF, is this something that actually happened to you?
2. Ok, the nice guy saying he just wants to be friends but then turns out he liked you all along.
3. Yes....
4. lol
5. I think the best response it's "that's fine" and leave. Yeah, he doesn't mean it, you're right, but what else is he supposed to say? No, I hate it? Seems like the decent diplomatic option.
6. Didn't she just say she doesn't need you?
7. Wait, I did 10 good things for a woman, why don't I have sex? Isn't this how this is supposed to work?
8. Well, actually do tell her that you're not going to help then, so she can know what she's dealing with an leave ASAP
9. Fair.

I was expecting something more... not totally creepy like:
1. "wear a red shirt"
2. "have a hair that compliments your body"
3. "dress with a personality"
4. "ask her about herself and about what you know she is interested in"
5. "You can probably notice in the other person's behavior whether they are trying to hit on you or are not interested. You can drop small hints of compliments or going out to see whether the other person's reaction is laughter, smile, acknowledgement or they simply ignores it or denies it, but without making it clear you like them. People light up when they talk about subjects that fascinate them or someone they like."
6. "There are ways to figure out whether someone likes you before asking for a date or during a relationship, by noticing their level of interest in you. They will give choosing signals if they like you."
7. "Being good looking is important. But so is being able to connect on more than a physical level. To be a pleasant presence. A good presence. To make a conversation interesting and talk about hobbies or about yourself. You can always just talk basic stuff: where are you from, family, friends, job, recently watched moves, recent news, light hearted jokes, etc."
8. "Be open with your issues and compassionate. I think it's hard to someone to be light-hearted and have fun when she's depressed, which is another reason she may consider himself less attractive than you. You have to show her that she's wrong, that you like her in spite of that. Maybe she isn't sure the feeling is mutual, since you may be very fun and light-hearted while he isn't."
9. "Looks matter, no matter how overly idealistic some people try to be, they are actually wrong, that's why the vast majority of people take care of their looks and image. Character and personality matter too, but the first thing you see about a person and are attracted about is looks. Other things matter, such as having a fun and pleasant conversation with that person, to talk about interesting stuff you both enjoy. This is about personality and your own compatibility."
10. "If you want to approach someone and get them interested in you, you have to be the one dominating the conversation. By that I mean directing and redirecting the conversation, keeping the conversation alive."

Stuff like that.

You know why this works? because there are women who give the benefit of the doubt to behavior like that. Like, "on a first date she instinctively turns away every time you try to kiss her", what the heck is the benefit of the doubt in this case? He didn't see you didn't want it?

Normally I would tell someone "don't be afraid, go for it, be bold, if you doubt yourself too much, eventually you will be and say nothing, you will cancel yourself too much because you feel your interal core is ugly" but this ^ is not bold. This is abusive. The guys whose internal core is ugly are naturally very bold, they don't need to learn this, because shyness comes from shame, and shame is awareness of social clues.

However, I have to wonder what is your motivation for posting this. 

I suppose you want less men to act in that creppy way. But the thing is, it's not that those men don't know they are creppy, it's that those men - know they are creepy, they just don't care.

And it may have worked with some women, that's why they keep doing it.

They do it because it's a behavior that works, it might not have worked for you, but it has worked for others. They know it's creepy and bad but at the same time know it works in some cases.

Woman leans back and doesn't want to kiss them? yeah, that woman in particular may not want to kiss them, but others will. His "insistance" will not work all the time, but will work sometimes. Best thing to do is to avoid these creeps and teach women to avoid these creeps and pick some better mates.

What about how to date women? It's not enough that you don't know the negatives, you have to know the positives. "How to start a car? don't hit it with a hammer", now you know what not to do, but doesn't help you figuring out the best way to start a car either.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

I think everyone has to learn HOW to date women and not how not to date. 😇


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## Rihanna (Nov 30, 2020)

thedazzlingdexter said:


> That is my piont. We shamed many things in the past and some things that really didnt hurt anything.
> 
> We use to hate
> Gays
> ...


Reading this reminded me of a podcast thing I heard a few months earlier. You might find it interesting for mind data. 



 (speed it up x2 as it's kinda slow, if you don't do slow talkers) You can start in the middle where it's set to play.


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

Ms. Aligned said:


> Let's talk about how NOT to try to date a woman, shall we?
> 
> 
> If on a first date she instinctively turns away every time you try to kiss her, stop trying, don't continue trying to kiss them.
> ...


https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friends.png


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Ms. Aligned said:


> Seriously, this is what women mean when they say they want men to stop being creepy. Idk how I could have been any clearer. I do take some responsibility as I should have told him to fuck off when I noticed the pattern. I kept trying to give the benefit of the doubt and express myself clearer, but the more pushy he became the more he was creeping me the fuck out.
> 
> I give a lot of men a lot of credit, I really do. I wouldn't consider myself a man hater, but this is seriously the shit that women are completely sick of, and trust me, going this route will never, EVER, EVER, get you laid. EVER.
> 
> EVER


Well your rule to give men the benefit of the doubt, don't seem to be working all that well for you.
I see a moral crisis on the horizon for you, where you will have to rethink what it means to be fair in this area of your life.

Giving someone like that the benefit of the doubt is like establishing eye contact with a beggar for a fraction of a second.
They will hone in on you like a heat seeking missile and will not relent until emotional damage has been inflicted on you, 
by passive aggressively pushing every boundary you got.

To then list all their faults is an exercise in futility as those are just symptoms of a much deeper disease.
Your list of things to improve upon is as effective as telling someone suffocating from covid to get a tissue to wipe their runny nose.

As for calling them "Beta", well sure stereotypically that is the label social weakness has been attached to.
In a weird way that is slightly closer to the actual disease in question, but being able to name covid, *does not save the patient!*

Now unlike covid you cannot contract this as a disease, hence the metaphor has reached its boundary.
It is good that you are aware of your own fault in the matter, and I get it, it sucks to have to rethink ones morals around rejection.
But at least you are not them, your moral hesitancy pales in comparison to the hell that face those men should they ever try to fix their affliction.
The reason they do not change is most likely that they are powerless to change, they do not know how.
If they where given the instructions on how to, they would most likely run away in terror of the prospects of facing down that particular shadow.


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## Aarya (Mar 29, 2016)

Her: "Is beauty all that matters to you?"
Mom: "Well, Derek, what else?"
Derek: "Well, what else is there?"

"You should write a book on how to offend women in 5 syllables or less"


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Aarya said:


> Her: "Is beauty all that matters to you?"
> Mom: "Well, Derek, what else?"
> Derek: "Well, what else is there?"
> 
> "You should write a book on how to offend women in 5 syllables or less"


The tragedy of that movie is that when he asked a genuine question in genuine ignorance,
no one bothered to tell him the answer, but just used various tactics to shame him.

I see the same attitude here in this thread a lot, these people are Betas so they do not require respect.
We all have an inbuilt aversion to help people who have gotten stuck on the romantic front.
I guess we deep down know how fucked they are, and the males think, *great less competition*
and the women think, *get away from me creep*.

That being said, the OPs attempt to correct them is morally noble.
Sadly the issue is too complex and convoluted for any relevant critique having any chance to work.

Hence why her hand will always be forced to reject them at some point.
Sadly she want to be fair and give things a chance to play out,
which makes it seem to me that she doesn't trust the information she had beforehand to make a judgement call on character.
It is ironic that she on this site have all the information available to make a judgement call on character preemptively,
yet her moral imperative to be fair override this solution.
It may be that she doesn't trust the systems accuracy enough or her own capability as a typologist to make such calls,
so she instead opts for tests that also put her in situations that frustrates her enough to make a dedicated thread to complain about it.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Aarya said:


> Her: "Is beauty all that matters to you?"
> Mom: "Well, Derek, what else?"
> Derek: "Well, what else is there?"
> 
> "You should write a book on how to offend women in 5 syllables or less"


💯


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