# Mild depression



## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

If you think you have mild depression and you feel like being open;
what do you think caused it?
what do you feel like?
how does it affect you?


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

*What do you think caused it?*

It ranges anywhere from: family and school-related problems, to friends saying something that is probably a joke but I take it seriously and get hurt because I'm sensitive, to liking someone and not doing anything about it because I'm uber-shy and scared of rejection.
*
What do you feel like?*

I feel like shit, I mentally beat myself up for not being better than I am or not doing something that I should/ that I know I can do but don't. Basically, being lazy and kind of a screw up.
*
How does it affect you?*

I isolate myself from other people, my self-confidence and esteem go down, and I hate myself a little more.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

avalanche183 said:


> If you think you have mild depression and you feel like being open;
> what do you think caused it?
> what do you feel like?
> how does it affect you?


 
i have had deep depression but i now think it has subsided. not tottally. my family was very abusive. my parents were both dickless *******, shit eating pigs. they were stupid, they were mean, they were evil they were pathetic and they were weak. i was just a child but what do wolves do to sheep. when in my mid teens i couldnt really sleep, i barley ate, i tried to latch onto my friends for social support and ended up burning every bridge. i became angry. anger helped me compinsate for the anxiety. i did some dumb things, but the worst part is when a sheep is wounded it attracts other wolves. this world is an evil place.


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

*Well...*

I think now it is mild, but it is still around and every so often pops out and messes me up in a bad way:

In my early years, I never figured out how to get through life with productive and meaningful relationships. My mother who was at times cold and private was my central role model growing up. In some ways, I emulate what she did that I saw and this has lead to my having social inhibitions and distance that may be taken as I'm cold when in reality, I'm just too scared to share for fear of freaking someone out.

I feel mildly hungry and thirsty. Temperatures seem normal and work is flowing fine. Now, those are mostly on a sensory level. At a higher level, I'm doing ok but this is my normal mode that I seem to be in at the moment.

It affects me in that little things can rattle me greatly and that it isn't hard for me to resent my life at times. I can also be a bit of a perfectionist and dealing with the consistent disappointment that that brings is another story on its own at times.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

I think it's currently mild. It's been a lot worse.

I think it was caused by the way I was raised--in relative social isolation, home schooled and all that. I grew up thinking I was terminally unique. Even now (I'm in my 40's) I am still affected by this early loneliness and sometimes feel like I somehow misplaced half my life. There was also pretty concentrated emotional abuse from both parents. 

When it's bad I feel like I'm wearing a suit made of hardened shit. Usually I just feel kind of listless and negative. 

I think it's caused me to make some poor decisions in the past. It also causes me to give up sometimes on things I really need to drive to complete.

I used to take anti-depressants and they helped relieve the feeling, but there were a slew of other problems. Nothing is free, I guess.


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## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

what do you think caused it?
Not feeling truly accepted, not able to be myself. The conflict between me and my SJ parents. They truly believe this is just a phase and I will grow out of being who I am. My mom went so far as to take me to therapy intervention style, because she felt if she didn't intervene I would be strung out on sex and drugs by now. They feel like the devils gotten in me.(no joke) In reality, I have a 4.0 and people compliment them on me. I've been literally had someone tell their kid they should strive to be like and random people have told how nice of a guy I am. But, just cause I'm different I'm wrong and can't escape yet, and yeah. I'm not sure how far it goes, but I remember contemplating suicide at around 9 (knife to jugular). I distinctly remember talking myself out of it. Oh and my mom is a hoader, acts like a child and my parents are aging, and losing cognitive function. I feel like I need to start raising them or helping them, but I'm stuck being the child and an bad child at that. I've been homeschooled and in scouts most of my youth. I've never been close to anyone really, and loneliness knows me well. There has been times I've fought literally fought myself, to keep from killing myself by jumping out of a moving car into the path another car. I had just meditate center myself and block out my mom and my sister, just fucking my mind with bullshit. I'm also kinda of ignored by my family. My opinion or thoughts don't matter and aren't right.

what do you feel like?
Like I'm fucked in the head and just want to drift into the nothingness of death.

how does it affect you? 
I'm quiet, kinda lazy and overly driven to succeeded.
I don't care about anything, and it's a reason I don't want relationship til I move out.
I don't trust anyone really, and don't feel like I have a right to ask anyone for help.
I lurk and post on internet psychology forums to prove to myself I'm not crazy and to cultivate a better state of mind
I like learning, random facts, and meditating I escape in to random useless knowledge to feel good about myself.
I also fear I have control issues and major issues period. another reason for not wanting relationship and remaining celibate.
Every now and then I just get to wanting that simple bliss of nothing, and fight it off, like a tweaker quitting meth.
I write too much about my feelings and post them on the internet. irl, I cannot speak about them or whine like this.



SlowPoke68 said:


> I think it's currently mild. It's been a lot worse.
> 
> I think it was caused by the way I was raised--in relative social isolation, home schooled and all that. I grew up thinking I was terminally unique. Even now (I'm in my 40's) I am still affected by this early loneliness and sometimes feel like I somehow misplaced half my life. There was also pretty concentrated emotional abuse from both parents.
> 
> When it's bad I feel like I'm wearing a suit made of hardened shit. Usually I just feel kind of listless and negative.


Damn, sounds similar to me. My mom tried to drill that I'm unique into me, but I realized that I'm not, and still fight that even if I am unique in some way I deny it. (but keep doing it)


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Quin Sabe said:


> Damn, sounds similar to me. My mom tried to drill that I'm unique into me, but I realized that I'm not, and still fight that even if I am unique in some way I deny it. (but keep doing it)


Yes, you sound very similar to how I was back in the day. I'd like to say it gets better, and it does. But there's a lot of shit you still need to go through. I've had good times in life that have vastly outweighed the bad, and those are the times I remember.

I urge people to take chances in life while they are young. I took plenty myself and wish I had done more. I'm not talking about cheap sex or drugs or the usual things that befall kids. I'm glad to see you've been spared the folly of those. Though I think you should seriously consider just getting laid . . just sayin' . . . . ;-)

When you are ready for a real relationship with someone who can lay you out bare and accept everything about you and really knowing, you'll feel the cloud lifting. She has to be willing to work with you. It might not happen for a while, but when it does . . . wow


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## Thrifty Walrus (Jul 8, 2010)

I think I bounce in and out of mild existential depression, but I usually just realize that I'll go back to what I was before I was born and in the end it doesn't matter much anyways. But I think that I have a deep rooted all consuming terror of being alone. Dying alone and unloved, that causes some problems for me now and then, usually just for a few intensely sad minutes before I get back under control. Damn you inferior Fe!!


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## Shurikun (Aug 2, 2010)

A thread for my emo? YEEEEEEEEEEAH!

*What do you think caused it?*

It's genetic on both sides, so that has a lot to do with it. My father is also verbally abusive at times, and there're times when he'll make me cry over stupid things. For example, once he made me cry because I couldn't make him soup for another ten minutes.

My home life is pretty stressful too. My family's quite poor, so there's a lot of tension created by that. I also have a bad habit of repressing emotions, so instead of telling people I just bottle them up inside. Dx I tend to feel like my problems aren't worthy enough to bother other people with, pff.

It also probably comes a lot from not having much me time. There's always chaos going on in my house. I've found that when I get a chance for just me time, my mood gets a lot better. C: 
*
What do you feel like?*

Usually there's just a mild cloud hovering over my head, but occasionally it starts to get worse. I feel a lot less confident in my relationships even when there's nothing wrong with them, and my mind starts nitpicking small things and uses them to convince myself that people hate me. For example, someone can say "Okay" during a conversation and suddenly my mind goes "THEY GAVE A SHORT RESPONSE THEY HATE YOU".

It eventually gets to the point where I start to believe my mind, and I start to feel like I'm worthless. There's usually a part of me that knows this is fake, but it doesn't matter much because I still feel like it's true. 

At the same time, a lot of me is still trying to keep my relationships intact. I feel like I'm failing people by being worthless and failsome, so I end up putting on a fake smile all the time so people aren't disappointed. This just makes my mind go insane, because instead of people learning about my depression and getting me help, I end up faking that I'm normal. Eventually I start to feel really fake and even more worthless, and my mood just gets worse.

This is usually the part where I start thinking about suicide and stuff~

*How does it affect you?*

I get some of the physical symptoms, like not feeling like eating and other things. Mainly, I just become more withdrawn and really untalkative because I think everyone hates me. I'm always anxious all the time, and a lot of times I start to break down crying out of the blue. There've been times when I went to the bathroom during school just to cry.

Some of my relationships get disrupted because I think everyone I know hates me. It's also really hard for me to focus on schoolwork, so usually some Bs and Cs start cropping in my grades. I'll make bunches of awkward stilted conversation to try and heal my social group, but I've lost any grace and charm I once had so none of it works. 

And yeah, I generally fail at life when I'm depressed. I also go through these phases where I convince myself that nothing is wrong, even though it's quite obvious something is.

It's really mild right now, and I'm planning to ask someone for therapy before it gets worse.


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## Bohemian (Aug 18, 2009)

*What do you think caused it?*
Being ignored, like I dont matter, feeling like an outsider, and also bottling up emotions..

*What do you feel like?*
Like crap. I have no one I can talk to, mainly due to trust issues; I find it really hard to trust people, I dont know why, I guess learning from past experiences, you cant really trust anyone..

*How does it affect you? *
In different ways, I used to cut but I've realised that it's not exactly the healthiest thing to do, so I've picked up songwriting, I guess I've made some progress..


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

What do you think caused it?
Being bullied, Incapable of fighting back, loneliness, not accepting myself, being single for an unusually long time, being too hard on myself, not being strong enough and smart enough to meet my own standards. 

What do you feel like?
Hollow, drained, incompetent, useless, scattered 

How does it affect you?

Chest and body pains, exhaustion, head aches, foggy thinking, lack of self confidence, brief moments of insanity, suicidal thoughts, self abuse, prone to staying in bed all day sulking, obsessing, and increase in hermit tendencies. 

This basically is the sum up of what I went through in my past. At least the worst part. Over the years I have had better control over my depression. I rarely get depressed anymore. I do every once in a while from being curious about what it would be like in a relationship and unable to fulfill that curiosity. Or when I am tired and force to go to a bar. So nobody get too worried about me.


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## wonderfert (Aug 17, 2010)

I typically run with at least a mild depression. It can get worse depending on the seasons, particularly in the summer. Right now its severe thanks to many things.

*What do you think caused it?*
Initially: constantly being bullied as a child, being lead to feel like a freak, having no self-esteem. Now: an inability to get close to anyone, being lonely and at the same time having no privacy, a lot of unforeseen events that managed to rip every bit of financial and emotional security away from me.

*What do you feel like?*
Usually numb. When the numbness subsides I feel an intense hate towards myself. Feeling that I could have somehow altered the events that put me into this current state. Hating myself for feeling weak that I feel intense emotions that I can't otherwise express. So, nothing or rage.

*How does it affect you? *
I constantly need to recharge. I can't be around people for very long. I have to put on a mask of happiness to keep people from paying too much attention and making it worse.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

avalanche183 said:


> If you think you have mild depression and you feel like being open;
> what do you think caused it?


My family can't relate to my pain. They just want to fix it. 



> what do you feel like?
> how does it affect you?


I want to be allowed to have my feelings. 

My night time philosophy works.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

jbking said:


> I can also be a bit of a perfectionist and dealing with the consistent disappointment that that brings is another story on its own at times.


I hear you, it's a real pain in the ass hah?


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## floccinaucinihilipilifica (Aug 1, 2010)

This was before.. it was a little more intense than "mild". I have a fresh perspective of things nowadays..

_what do you think caused it?_

The fact that I didn't love myself, and that I constantly put blames on other people for the bad things that happened to me and that I refused to be responsible for myself.

_what do you feel like?_

Like crap. Nothing/ no one could change how I felt. I felt like life was moving at a pace faster than I could keep up. I felt like I was merely existing in this world, instead of living life. It's a sad sad place to be. 

_how does it affect you?_

Sometimes I would cry at random times and at random places. Then on some days I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't face the day, so I called in sick like about 3 or 4 times a month. I frequently thought about getting hit by a bus so I could get admitted to a hospital.. or something along those lines. I also pushed everyone out of my life.. I just wanna be left alone.


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

*Well...*



kiwigrl said:


> I hear you, it's a real pain in the ass hah?


It's a pain in many places, with my rear being just one of those places, yes. :laughing:


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

*what do you think caused it?*

Anxiety disorders, that caused me to separate myself from the world, living in extreme isolation, causing me to fail to succeed and thrive. 

*what do you feel like?*

Dead inside. I cry randomly, hurt, just want the world to disappear. I have no energy or drive to do anything. I just want to lay in bed, all day. I'm chronically fatigued and lethargic. I'm often short with people, snapping at them for no reason. I get very angry and overwhelmed. I break shit. I overreact to everything. My perceptions are clouded. I feel like I'm going insane or dying. I feel completely alone, unloved, unwanted.

*how does it affect you?
*
I have no life. I completely lack the ability to function in society or like a healthy adult.


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