# Do you find yourself intimidated by really attractive people?



## unINFalliPle (Jul 8, 2012)

I do, with really attractive men. I like men. I don't know why that sounds dumb, but it does. XD 

Anyways, I get quiet when there's a really attractive guy. Warm, nervous, I don't want to be around him. An attractive guy entered where I worked and I didn't even say hi like I'm supposed to. I sort of prayed he would go away and he did. I really don't understand this and I don't see it as normal. 

I'm trying to rationalize this. I heard somewhere that we search, in a romantic partner, for someone more or less what we think our level of appearance is. So someone really attractive, would be going too high on the scale and that's.. I can't even make myself available to him because he's too good for me? I'm not even looking to date these guys. What, are they a superior race? What is my brain doing? 

Sorry for the superficiality and thanks. Share what you'd like.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

No, I don't. If this hypothetical person had a weapon, then it would give me pause, but the weapon would be the cause of concern, not the person. Physical attraction means nothing to me and I'm unsure why I would have reason to be intimidated by it. But then I'm coming from the perspective of having personally encountered Hall of Fame athletes who are among thee greatest to ever play their respective sports, actors, politicians, foreign dignitaries and heads of state, and I wasn't any more intimidated in their presence than I am in the presence of any other person I'm around even when others around me turned into complete idiots from nervousness. So no, attractive people don't intimidate me, regardless of the level of attractiveness. I don't let people have that kind of power over me.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Nothing wrong with liking men roud:.
Sometimes I've felt really intimidated by really attractive people, male and female. I've gotten over it for the most part, I believe.
What you experience is plenty normal.
However, I might suggest that you try gradually overcoming this; no reason to continue to let this be a weakness for yourself.
May I suggest that next time you see a really attractive man that you tell him "hi" and that's it?
You can even avoid eye contact after the two seconds of addressing him.
Eventually you can learn to treat them the same as everyone else, except that you don't have to consider them as men you would date if you don't want to.
However, you may one day find one of these men asking you out, why not?
Perhaps it might be good to set a goal that if and when this happens, you will give him a chance and try to look past appearances?
:happy:
Actually, I want to avoid being a hypocrite in my last sentence... I'm an ESFJ and I have avoided dating really attractive people because I fear that the break-ups will be worse...


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

unINFalliPle said:


> I do, with really attractive men. I like men. I don't know why that sounds dumb, but it does. XD
> 
> Anyways, I get quiet when there's a really attractive guy. Warm, nervous, I don't want to be around him. An attractive guy entered where I worked and I didn't even say hi like I'm supposed to. I sort of prayed he would go away and he did. I really don't understand this and I don't see it as normal.
> 
> ...


No reason to apologize, physical attractiveness is an important consideration. 

I used to be intimidated when I was younger, but as I grew older, I got bold. I figured I might as take a shot at it. If you get that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling, that's usually a good thing. That means there is, or could be, some chemistry between you. That's when you should show interest, not pull away from it.


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## unINFalliPle (Jul 8, 2012)

Interesting. I'd like to make sense of it though. I don't understand why I get like that.

At times, when I've learned that a very attractive person was not in my taste for personality, well he didn't seem that attractive anymore. 

I will be more open to conversation and try to let the nervousness fade, it doesn't belong there. I agree on the possibility of chemistry. I am not looking to date though.


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## Cetanu (Jan 20, 2012)

Talking to them is no problem. No intimidation.

Exchanging body language from across a room / train carriage / library / market is frustrating. I wouldn't say intimidating though, more so it's a situation of "What the fuck do I do with my body / face / eyes?"


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## Northcrest (Sep 21, 2012)

I will get shy around girls I find attractive, probably won't talk much around them and will try to avoid eye contact.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Yes, I do. I have this notion that exceptionally-popular/attractive people are the ones who will judge me the quickest. I don't like judgmental people. D: Although, that is sort of hypocritical of me, because I am being judgmental of them.


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## Jeffrey (Jul 30, 2012)

Maybe stop judging people that much out of their appearance. People are people and just because someone is attractive you make assumption that he is above you.

Talk to the guy next time and say hi. He will certainly be polite and nice back.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

I'm intimidated by attractive people and people who look like they fit societal standards of coolness or attractiveness or something, people who fit in well. It's not because I like them, but i just feel I'm below them socially and like they'll look down on me automatically. I'm just gonna be some weird awkward girl. I'm very sensitive socially
I wouldn't talk to the people whether or not I felt I was below them, though, so whatever


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

Don't let looks get in the way of seeing someone's personality.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Paranoid Android said:


> I'm intimidated by attractive people and people who look like they fit societal standards of coolness or attractiveness or something, people who fit in well. It's not because I like them, but i just feel I'm below them socially and like they'll look down on me automatically. I'm just gonna be some weird awkward girl. I'm very sensitive socially
> I wouldn't talk to the people whether or not I felt I was below them, though, so whatever


Exactly!


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

Yes


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

This reminds me of University days. I was very intimidated by one of my professors. He was really attractive and left me unfocused. I could feel my knees buckle when he came around me, seriously, i don't know what it was about him. He asked me a question in class one day, i near fainted. I couldn't speak when he was around, i just wanted to run>>>>>>>LOLz i laugh about it today because i've seen him since and we both laugh about it. 

Married life is different , i don't even pay attention to those things anymore.

In fairness to both sides here, i think attractive people get a raw deal also. People will automatically judge them thinking they're possibly judging who they are, sometimes neither side gets a fair chance leaving one feeling awkward, the other pissed off.


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## unINFalliPle (Jul 8, 2012)

Paranoid Android said:


> I'm intimidated by attractive people and people who look like they fit societal standards of coolness or attractiveness or something, people who fit in well. It's not because I like them, but i just feel I'm below them socially and like they'll look down on me automatically. I'm just gonna be some weird awkward girl. I'm very sensitive socially
> I wouldn't talk to the people whether or not I felt I was below them, though, so whatever





JoanCrawford said:


> Exactly!


me too


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## Michael Nihil (Sep 21, 2012)

Yes. I know how irrational it is yet it still happens sometimes.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

I don't get intimidated, but I do get rather annoyed.

I have tons of swag. Confidence? Exuded 24-7.

However, I totally do not physically fit the profile of a guy who has that much flavor about him.

I get annoyed because when I do get stares in class, it's always from much too attractive females. And it's like, their eyes seem like they're tying to tell me, "You're too ugly to have this much swag. Know your place. Go be a quiet nerd in the corner and stop disrupting the natural order of things."

I know this is totally my interpretation, and who knows? Maybe they're legitimately attracted to the surprise that I look the way I do, yet act totally different to the expectation.

That, and attractive people just genuinely have an overinflated ego. It comes with the territory.


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## WOLFsanctuary (Sep 19, 2012)

Shinji Mimura said:


> I don't get intimidated, but I do get rather annoyed.
> 
> I have tons of swag. Confidence? Exuded 24-7.
> 
> ...


When I choose to hang around others, it's only the attractive people. When we're all the same, no one gets intimidated ;-)

By 4w3 SX/SP


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## AstralSoldier (Jun 18, 2012)

I've never been intimidated when speaking to really 'attractive' people for a number of reasons. 

1.) Having the self confidence to realize/remember who I am, I know what I'm bringing to them; I never loose my sense of purpose for approaching them.

2.) I know that this person is by no means superior to me; I find strength of will, originality, and intellect most attractive, and when I've discovered that the person is devoid of these qualities, the shell of the body GREATLY depreciates in value/importance to me. I've actually walked away from people like this, because they often time have no internal resources cultivated to attract me beyond their body, and consider investing the effort for a long-term relationship.

3.) I will NOT allow myself to fall under anyone's spell; especially if it's based solely on physical appearances alone. It's an DIRECT offense to my own internally derived values. It takes more than that to keep my interest for longer than 5 minutes. Confidence is ONE thing, arrogance, and implicit demand of ego/narcissist supply through 'worship' I WON'T do under ANY circumstances...I'm NOBODY'S slave, and I don't want someone weak who TRULY lacks self-esteem and depth. I don't idealize people based on some social perceived attitude of 'physical perfection'...physical perfection is the EASIEST of all virtues to attain, and therefore, doesn't readily grasp you points in my book.

4.) I have an intense but subtle personality that I'm actually holding back that most people find magnetic...I usually have attractive people coming up to me to figure me out; these are usually people who've realized that their looks alone aren't going to get them anything but being a tool for someone else's benefit.

5.) I have no shortage of substance of personality and character, which is INFINITELY stronger than someone who produces a well developed shell ONLY...as I said before, physical perfection is the easiest aspect of the virtue of perfection one can attain.

6.) I relate to people of all kinds naturally even if I'm not personally interested in them. I just have the knack for talking with people, and opening their eyes; the benefit of being the 'unconventional type', is that you're able to give a person a new take on life; people want change, and want anything other than boredom when they're ready to accept that change coming into their lives.

7.) Funniest, and truest of all, I know that alot of 'attractive people' are fake, and I've screw more than a few of them...they know all the right words to say, but when push comes to shove, they often think that looks alone are going to get them more narcissistic supply, and sexual praise...not to me...especially if you're the type that looks good, but your ability to produce in the bedroom is WEAK....that's gonna get your feelings hurt...there's no excuse for me having to suffer because of your 'plasticity'!! Selfish I tell you....those types that are 'plastic' aren't really attractive when you get to 'where it REALLY counts'.

8.) I consider myself confident, but maybe not model material (although my mother, and most girls and guys I know considers me to be so, because I look EXACTLY like my father, and they're both still head over heels for each other) Wait...I think I'm one of those guys that doesn't THINK he's attractive but others do...? I guess maybe that's why I've never really had to think about/care if I was attractive...? Ok, this is awkward...:frustrating: Now the basis for my argument has been practically shot to hell...I still think people are just people, who amass their confidence either based on physique or intellectual/ethical endeavors and the personality (which is what you're REALLY interacting with) determines whether further examination past the body is deserved.

Although attractive, a face alone shows no more than someone of average looks when you base attraction off of deeper kind such as romantic, and intellectual potential. All in all, my definition of attraction isn't like others so I suppose based on the context of the situation that my answer does coincide with the thread's main idea. In terms of what I find attractive, I don't find cute, effeminate boys attractive; something about that bony, 'made-up' look that tells me like a bright neon sign, "I'm fake, I'm insecure, and I know it, and I NEED the attention!!' ugh... I like my guys to have a few scars here and there; shows he's active, and isn't afraid to get in the fray when need be; it shows he's HUMAN, and when he demonstrates an intellect that is guided by his will, he becomes more attractive to me, but I don't have the type of personality that 'idealizes' a person based on looks. I look at dating/relationships as a process for discovering someone's personality and will and when I feel our wills are connecting/clashing, I rest assured that the person is on par with me, and worthy of my true personality, esteem, and respect.


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## Penguin (Sep 25, 2012)

actually we are a superior race...was wondering when the rest of the plebs would figure this out.


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## Jeffrey (Jul 30, 2012)

@_AstralSoldier_ Hello ENTJ?roud:

Found out you not ENTJ (stalk). But your reasoning sounded like my type of reasoning of this issue.


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## OriginalChris (May 8, 2011)

You gotta just remember... at least for women I know this... the more attractive a woman is, the more insecure she tends to be as well. I don't know why, but it tends to be true. Maybe not in all cases, but it is what it is. I'm sure the same goes for the guy, considering how much he would have to put into making himself attractive. No reason to be intimidated by anyone really


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## AstralSoldier (Jun 18, 2012)

Jeffrey said:


> @_AstralSoldier_ Hello ENTJ?roud:
> 
> Found out you not ENTJ (stalk). But your reasoning sounded like my type of reasoning of this issue.


Oh, crap, I've been found out!!! :shocked: Maybe I am an ENTJ in INFJ clothing? (AstralSoldier takes off ENTJ mask impishly) :tongue: I think syntactically it was ENTJ-ish, but it's my Ni and Ti that emulates the ENTJ's Ni-Te connection, but since you guys lead off more with Te, and I wrote that statement using my Ni and Ti functions, that should explain why my reasoning was like that of the Te function that you guys use. I'm actually pretty skilled at using my Ti to analyze an issue factually...as long as the statement stands to reason, I'll sleep easy tonight! lol


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

It depends on the definition of "really attractive." Like--I am extremely intimidated by people who I am actually attracted to. The last time I had an attraction to someone, it caused me to blush, sweat, and generally lose my thoughts around them.

I actually ended up telling them that I had social anxiety, when in reality I probably don't. It wasn't an actual lie because I genuinely wasn't sure at the time--maybe I have social anxiety? But when the situation changed, and I no longer had to be around them, I stopped being like that.

Then, I am a little intimidated by people who are perceived as attractive if they remind me of certain people in my past. When I was in middle school, I was targeted by a group of boys who bullied and sexually harassed me to the point that I would skip classes, hiding in the bathroom.

One day, in High School, a muscular, popular, sporty guy came up to me while I was sitting alone. He was said "hi" in a friendly way to me. I didn't see why he was approaching me so I glowered at him, and he left me alone. I was so happy that I had repelled one of "them." 

Later, I learned that he had actually sent me a flower through the school valentine service thing. Kids could send flowers with notes to other kids--but because one of the popular girls in the body responsible for this activity had her sights set on him, she intercepted it and I never received it. 

When I realized that, I felt sorry for him. For all he knew, he had sent a flower to someone and she had glowered at him like he was the worst enemy on earth. Now I don't glower at people anymore, but I am still wary of people who remind me of that, and I try not to be intimidated by them.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

YES.

Except the man in question has to be like... the epitome of attractiveness. There are only two people I've ever felt nervous around due to attractiveness, and I went to high school with one so that wore off a little. The other is a friend's brother, and he's attractive and extremely intelligent so talking to him or being near him is really... stressful! I guess. And like, I have no actual interest in a relationship with him. I just think he's super hot so I'm nervous around him.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I don't know, I don't have this issue, though I am very aware of social class, and tend to feel self-consciously if I'm dressed down and a man is obviously upper middle class or wealthy, which isn't the same thing as being good looking. A guy could be fine as hell, but as long as he's not advertising that he's got a lot more money or status than I do, I don't feel intimidated, in fact I will be honest, sometimes when guys are really good looking (or maybe aren't even all that but THINK they are) and act like they know it, I sometimes neg them just to see their reaction. I don't do it to good looking guys who are humble, though, because that would be just abusive. 

I am more confident about being around wealthy men, though, if I'm dressed appropriately.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Zletta said:


> :happy:
> Actually, I want to avoid being a hypocrite in my last sentence... I'm an ESFJ and I have avoided dating really attractive people because I fear that the break-ups will be worse...


I don't understand this. Could you please explain?


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## elixare (Aug 26, 2010)

unINFalliPle said:


> I do, with really attractive men. I like men. I don't know why that sounds dumb, but it does. XD
> 
> Anyways, I get quiet when there's a really attractive guy. Warm, nervous, I don't want to be around him. An attractive guy entered where I worked and I didn't even say hi like I'm supposed to. I sort of prayed he would go away and he did. I really don't understand this and I don't see it as normal.
> 
> ...


Aww cute...

No I don't get intimidated by really attractive people....instead, I flirt with them


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

fourtines said:


> I don't know, I don't have this issue, though I am very aware of social class, and tend to feel self-consciously if I'm dressed down and a man is obviously upper middle class or wealthy, which isn't the same thing as being good looking. A guy could be fine as hell, but as long as he's not advertising that he's got a lot more money or status than I do, I don't feel intimidated, in fact I will be honest, sometimes when guys are really good looking (or maybe aren't even all that but THINK they are) and act like they know it, I sometimes neg them just to see their reaction. I don't do it to good looking guys who are humble, though, because that would be just abusive.
> 
> I am more confident about being around wealthy men, though, if I'm dressed appropriately.


 Wow, you sound like you could almost be British. 

Jokes, but this is quite an interesting thing to say. What social class do you consider yourself...?


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

The shyness and insecurities will slowly dissipate as you get older.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Wow, you sound like you could almost be British.
> 
> Jokes, but this is quite an interesting thing to say. What social class do you consider yourself...?


For all intents and purposes, let's just say lower middle class, given my education and life experience, it feels almost like a joke to say working class, though my family has working class roots.

I live in the L.A. area and spend a lot of time in the wealthier parts of the Valley, and before that I lived in Vegas and had friends who were millionaires. What intimidates me is not money, itself. It's the pretense of status, the advertising of wealth.

I mean my boss is fairly wealthy, but he worked for it, had a single mother growing up, and he runs around in tee shirts and shorts, so I've never felt the least bit intimidated by him, nor by my Argentine friends who had money and lost it. I've dated a couple of guys who were upper middle class.

But people who feel a need to advertise their wealth via clothing and jewelry and cars in the U.S. tend to be the people who judge you for not doing or having the same, especially in a shallow place like L.A. So I'm not going to embarrass myself by approaching some status-obsessed guy in an expensive suit who is also wearing pretentious watches and so forth if I'm not looking quite nice, because in the U.S. I can tell you quite plainly in certain cities, including this one, the standard for looking good for women has more to do with looking like you have money than having natural beauty. 

I've had very wealthy clients as a dancer and entertainer, but they sought me out, and I was usually dressed up (or nude) when I met them.

Also, I don't want some condescending Professor Higgins treating me like I'm Eliza Doolittle. I'll smack a bitch.


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## Sababa (Sep 25, 2012)

I'm not really intimidated by attractive women but I will get defensive quickly.

I could be projecting or I could just be perceiving correctly, but the women who give off that vibe that they are maybe a little _too_ aware of how attractive they are....I try to stay away from. If we interact, to put it bluntly, I'm not real tolerant of blatant idiocy. If they annoy me I don't keep that a secret. A lot of guys do though, and that's something I'll never really understand.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

fourtines said:


> But people who feel a need to advertise their wealthy via clothing and jewelry and cars in the U.S. tend to be the people who judge you for not doing or having the same, especially in a shallow place like L.A. So I'm not going to embarrass myself by approaching some status-obsessed guy in an expensive suit who is also wearing pretentious watches and so forth if I'm not looking quite nice, because in the U.S. I can tell you quite plainly in certain cities, including this one, the standard for looking good for women has more to do with looking like you have money than having natural beauty.
> 
> Also, I don't want some condescending Professor Higgins treating me like I'm Eliza Doolittle. I'll smack a bitch.


 Ok, so you don't like nouvea-riche people. That's fair enough. Neither do I.

I can spend a lot of money on clothes if I feel like it. I mean I don't walk around in Armani or anything but I don't buy clothes from supermarkets, put it that way. I have never thought that any expenditure on clothing would "intimidate" women. I'm wondering if this is just you or if it's common.

Re the topic (I could wear I posted here), I used to be very intimidated, not necessarily by attractive women but by women in general. I decided in the last two years of school that this is a nonsense policy, so I deliberately sought out the most attractive people I could possibly see and made their acquaintance (oh, its really easy if you smoke). I feel in retrospect that was douchey because I ignored a lot of less attractive girls solely so I could grow my own self-confidence, but it worked, and I was only young, so, whatever.

Im not intimidated by people based on their looks if I feel that I look good at that time. I think that's fairly normal, though. My problem is being overdressed. I feel dumb if Im sitting there with a jumper and a coat and everyone else is in t-shirts. I just don't have any tolerance for cold weather.


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## Eddy Kat (Sep 10, 2012)

Yup. I freeze. And have no idea what to do with my body.. Its so pathetic lol


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Ok, so you don't like nouvea-riche people. That's fair enough. Neither do I.
> 
> I can spend a lot of money on clothes if I feel like it. I mean I don't walk around in Armani or anything but I don't buy clothes from supermarkets, put it that way. I have never thought that any expenditure on clothing would "intimidate" women. I'm wondering if this is just you or if it's common.
> 
> ...


I have had some WEIRD FUCKING EXPERIENCES with guys I've dated or have been friends with, I'm even starting to wonder if I have a problem with being attracted to narcissism. My ex of six years was a less-than-healthy ESFJ E3 who when angry sometimes said things about what his parents bought him or about his clothes, like comparing himself to me via possessions as if that somehow gave him cred. I had an E9 surprisingly do something similar (aren't they supposed to INTEGRATE at E3, not disintegrate into a narcissist????) but with him, the problem is absolutely pretentious neuveau-riche bullshit. I know a bit about his family, and basically his father is an ISTJ who saves and invests well, his family is not at all wealthy, but he was exposed to some perks and almost strikes me as an insecure social climber, making weird comments about his jeans costing more than my entire wardrobe once when he was pissed off at me (even whilst living with his MOTHER , if you can believe his nerve). 

On the other hand, I dated a guy who wore nothing but Hollister and Abercrombie and owned like 50 bottles of expensive cologne (all paid for with his own money) and took me out to five star restaurants and NEVER ONCE mentioned my family's social class or my money, and with him I think he simply wasn't a narcissist or a social climber, but simply liked having nice things and didn't judge other people for what they advertised with their status.

I am sx/so instinct in enneagram so I think sometimes I have a weird, ambivalent relationship with social status, like I want it but then I find something about it repulsive, and at the end of the day it CAN wound me, even though it's not my first instinct or even my biggest priority (and I'm sure being an Fi type also compounds this, authenticity issues, natch).

Dressing up in and of itself isn't really the problem. It's fitting in a little too closely with the whole "money-d" image of tan/manicure/name brands/etc.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

fourtines said:


> I have had some WEIRD FUCKING EXPERIENCES with guys I've dated, I'm even starting to wonder if I have a problem with being attracted to narcissism. My ex of six years was a less-than-healthy ESFJ E3 who when angry sometimes said things about what his parents bought him or about his clothes, like comparing himself to me via possessions as if that somehow gave him cred. I had an E9 surprisingly do something similar (aren't they supposed to INTEGRATE at E3, not disintegrate into a narcissist????) but with him, the problem is absolutely pretentious neuveau-riche bullshit. I know a bit about his family, and basically his father is an ISTJ who saves and invests well, his family is not at all wealthy, but he was exposed to some perks and almost strikes me as an insecure social climber, making weird comments about his jeans costing more than my entire wardrobe once when he was pissed off at me (even whilst living with his MOTHER , if you can believe his nerve).
> 
> On the other hand, I dated a guy who wore nothing but Hollister and Abercrombie and owned like 50 bottles of expensive cologne (all paid for with his own money) and took me out to five star restaurants and NEVER ONCE mentioned my family's social class or my money, and with him I think he simply wasn't a narcissist or a social climber, but simply liked having nice things and didn't judge other people for what they advertised with their status.


 This is just the traditional parvenu show off problem, though. Though at least where Im from it can be class influenced. For instance if I wear a $100 jumper my poor friends think this is "showing off." My middle class friends think this is ordinary behaviour. If I wear a $300 jumper (I don't have a $300 jumper, but if I did) pretty much everyone I know would think this is stupid and wasteful. And boasting about how much a piece of clothing costs, I think would be pretty much unheard of in our society across the pond. You'd probably be instantly laughed out of a room. 

As an so/? I also rail against this sometimes. It feels so ... stupid and hedonistic to be in a room with people who spend more than they need to on clothing, making vacuous small talk about "how cultural" their last holiday was and subtly judging people who hold a wine glass incorrectly. On the other hand, it is sort of fun and entertaining, but I just feel guilty sometimes. Im such a bad socialist. _Deep down_ I'd sweep the whole affair away. 

My dad would go to Singapore (not from Europe, obviously) and pay a ridiculous amount for a pair of imported italian leather shoes that he would then proceed to wear for 20 years. It's a bit Henry Ford level excessive, but this, imo, is "doing it right."


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Zletta said:


> :happy:
> Actually, I want to avoid being a hypocrite in my last sentence... I'm an ESFJ and I have avoided dating really attractive people because I fear that the break-ups will be worse...





fourtines said:


> I don't understand this. Could you please explain?


Sorry, I was very vague.
I can get attracted to people pretty easily and I can fall in love pretty easily, so I sometimes try to date people who are relatively less attractive, thinking that that may compensate and make me not overly attracted to them, and therefore possibly less likely to have a huge crash with a break-up.
It's not just with physical appearance; sometimes I try to date people who are relatively less intelligent, so that I might not be too attracted to them.
It sounds weird, I know...:frustrating:


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## OriginalChris (May 8, 2011)

I find myself ATTRACTED to really attractive people! I know, right? What a weird coincidence.


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## OriginalChris (May 8, 2011)

Oh, and as far as people who have lots of money and all of that.... who cares? They are the most insecure of everyone, because money is all they have, and they brag about it nonstop to everyone. Look them in the eye, treat them like an equal at best, and once they realize you aren't impressed one bit by the money they may or may not have... they wilt. Seriously. 

As far as clothes go... you just gotta know how to make it work for ya. If you can look good in K Mart clothes, then do it. If not, then you better go find something better.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Diphenhydramine said:


> This is just the traditional parvenu show off problem, though. Though at least where Im from it can be class influenced. For instance if I wear a $100 jumper my poor friends think this is "showing off." My middle class friends think this is ordinary behaviour. If I wear a $300 jumper (I don't have a $300 jumper, but if I did) pretty much everyone I know would think this is stupid and wasteful. And boasting about how much a piece of clothing costs, I think would be pretty much unheard of in our society across the pond. You'd probably be instantly laughed out of a room.


America is different though. People here feel good about themselves when they have the right brand name emblazoned across their chest or their ass. Mostly middle class behavior, though. The truly wealthy, especially old money, NEVER DOES THIS. That's probably more of what you see in the UK, more truly "classy" behavior...in fact, no matter how much your jeans or wine costs, it shows that you're middle rather than upper class if you must mention how much it costs, even to your girlfriend or friend. It shows social insecurity, like what I am isn't good enough, so I must impress you with my money or my family's money, some of them not knowing that talking about how much money they spend shows how much class they LACK not how much they HAVE.

Both of these guys have really good taste, though. I will give them that. These aren't twerps who spend their dimes on bling bling or who are walking billboards for a corporation. These are guys with taste. However, they're both a little too defined by what they collect externally (Keirsey talks about SJs being this way, and I think it may be UNHEALTHY SJ behavior, which is why these guys said this stuff when they were angry or upset; but then I'm thinking oh my god they think this way all the time and just don't say it out loud.) 

It's a symptom of narcissism to need that much external validation, though, from something that's relatively stupid. In fact, just yesterday I was getting my hair done, and the stylist said my dress (which I bought at a vintage store) looked just like a Dolce and Gabbana dress she wore to a wedding, and she even asked me if it was D and G. 

And that's why bragging about price and brand is dumb, mmkay. Because you can look good for less, that's not just a Ross Dress For Less advertisement. 



> As an so/? I also rail against this sometimes. It feels so ... stupid and hedonistic to be in a room with people who spend more than they need to on clothing, making vacuous small talk about "how cultural" their last holiday was and subtly judging people who hold a wine glass incorrectly. On the other hand, it is sort of fun and entertaining, but I just feel guilty sometimes. Im such a bad socialist.


Don't get me wrong, I love items of quality and will even talk shit about people who are upper middle class or wealthy who spend their money on tacky things. But you can have nice things without being wealthy, and definitely without bragging about it, which is absolutely class-less, not classy. 



> My dad would go to Singapore (not from Europe, obviously) and pay a ridiculous amount for a pair of imported italian leather shoes that he would then proceed to wear for 20 years. It's a bit Henry Ford level excessive, but this, imo, is "doing it right."


Yes, that's doing it right. Is he an Si dom?


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## EccentricSiren (Sep 3, 2013)

I think I'm more intimidated by successful people (or at least people who are more successful than I am in my chosen field) than I am by attractive people. I think I'm also intimidated by people who have really strong opinions and know how to defend them. I'm a reasonably intelligent person, but my default setting isn't to organize information into logical categories of true and false because of x, y, or z. My default setting with new information is to evaluate whether or not I find it interesting, relate it to other things I know, decide if I want to know more about the topic, figure out how I feel about it...and I've met my fair share of people who seem to think that automatically makes me less intelligent. 
But I don't think I'm usually intimidated by someone just based on their looks.


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## eydimork (Mar 19, 2014)

The ones I'm attracted to, yes. 
The ones you're attracted to, no.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

No,no real difference to me between a male 6 and a ''10'' but l have had these types think l'm interested in them for this reason.

Shouldn't they think the girls who seem shy are interested?

Maybe they just find it refreshing, l know that a guy l had a weird thing with for about 6 months was regarded as extremely hot by the female commenters on his Facebook page. 

l did get the sense that he liked hanging out with me because l didn't gush over him, but he eventually got bored (as did l). lt has kind of given me, false flirting ''skills'' well out of the range of my normal ability.

l _have_ become shy around guys l actually like, who l know well who may not even be attractive.

Now, with really pretty girls, kinda-sorta but women are allowed to compliment each other.


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