# I'm mean to people sometimes, and I hate it.



## BensUsername (Oct 22, 2011)

As an INFP, I find myself empathizing and caring about other human beings a lot. 

However, during an argument, I can't help but sometimes become extremely fucking nasty. Usually when the person lacks any basic form of logic, when they can't figure out how to make a rational argument for their position. This frustrates me to no end, and I usually end up saying some pretty nasty things to them, I feel the need to slap some sense into these people. 

I really hate this, because I want to love everybody, I wish I could focus on the good in everyone and not be so misanthropic all the time. I at least wish people would put their brains to better use. 

These aren't random internet trolls I'm talking about here, by the way, these are severely unintelligent friends that I have, and it pains me to call them that, because they're my friends. This is my least favourite character trait about myself, I've been beating myself up about it for hours tonight, it makes me feel like a monster.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Get smarter friends?


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## BensUsername (Oct 22, 2011)

Getting more intelligent friends would be great. Although, it took me about a year and a half to acquire this group of friends I have now after I didn't want to associate with my earlier social group. I do have an emotional connection to this group of people, but my frustration with them compels me to not want to be around them, because I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to feel the ugly emotion that is anger. It's a slippery slope of shitty emotions that will inevitably end up in loneliness.


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

Learn to be silent when you are angry and come back after your emotions have cooled.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

BensUsername said:


> Getting more intelligent friends would be great. Although, it took me about a year and a half to acquire this group of friends I have now after I didn't want to associate with my earlier social group. I do have an emotional connection to this group of people, but my frustration with them compels me to not want to be around them, because I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to feel the ugly emotion that is anger. It's a slippery slope of shitty emotions that will inevitably end up in loneliness.


Stay friends with them and be there for them when they really need you, but limit your time with them. Believe me, I understand your frustration. Use the extra time to do something else... make new friends, do research, paint... something  You don't have to be around them all of the time. You've got a life to live, and it doesn't revolve around them. Explore the possibilities a little bit


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## BlissfulDreams (Dec 25, 2009)

Sometimes stupid people need to be told they are being stupid. (Otherwise said stupid behaviour might be rewarded and enforced through laughter and idiotic comments from others in the group.)

I think the issues are _what_ you feel after you make these comments or do something "mean", _why_ you feel bad, and to what degree you feel these feelings? 

Also, as the others have said, get better friends.


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

Eh, I don't usually have a problem with those who are mean to stupid people, when the people in question are stupid _and_ pigheaded. In your case, though, try explaining why they're wrong in a gentler way; it'll go down much easier, and they're likely to rethink quite a few more things than they would when you just jump down their throats.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

stop blaming and start looking for better ways to describe what you want to say


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> stop blaming and start looking for better ways to describe what you want to say


I think the OP is being pretty clear about what he was saying.


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## ChloeCat (Jun 2, 2011)

Write about what's bothering you rather than getting in arguments, and send it to them or not as you see fit.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

The trick here may be to find the chain that your anger is part of. It sounds like you're debating with your friends, their perspectives frustrate you, and you're reacting in anger because you aren't isolating them personally from their arguments. If you disagree, by all means, calmly tell them so and why. If you're not understanding each other, it pays to just drop it for the sake of the friendship.

If you feel frustrated debating with your friends, don't debate with them. Being social sometimes means choosing the subject matter based on the audience.

...says the guy who pretty much never goes out.

Also I noticed you're calling anger an ugly emotion. You're going to feel anger sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with that. Obviously it's how you express that, either constructively or destructively, that will make all the difference in your relationships with your friends.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Kayness said:


> I think the OP is being pretty clear about what he was saying.


im not referring to this thread, but to what he is trying to get accross to the person whom " lacks any basic form of logic, when they can't figure out how to make a rational argument for their position. "( according to his opinion). 

If he believes that the person isnt understanding his point of view in the debate/argument then blaming that person isnt going to help. He should try and reword what he is attempting to say so that the other person (likely another type) might get his drift. Its amazing how many times we miscommunicate within types because someone (especially someone angry) says what they mean in a concrete way. Then blaming the other person for not understanding simply because they are not in that persons head. In such a scenario getting mad is counter-productive. Its also important for the confused person to ask for additional information if they dont understand, but to be honest if you are yelling at someone its more likely they are going to shy away or just defend themselves at that point.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

Generally, getting emotional is not productive. I deal with stupid people every day. If they begin to get on my nerves, they are promptly ignored. I have friends who can't understand me, and who make stupid choices with no (identifiable) reasoning. 

I think it comes down to self-control. Do what you need to do to remove whatever you don't like. Don't like the anger? Don't talk to them. Or just don't get angry (how ENTJ of me). Or talk it out before you blow your stack. Or find a friend to vent to. Or get new friends to vent to.

Your options are pretty much endless. Just don't pick the one that people pick way too often: do nothing and complain. lol


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## BensUsername (Oct 22, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> If he believes that the person isnt understanding his point of view in the debate/argument then blaming that person isnt going to help. He should try and reword what he is attempting to say so that the other person (likely another type) might get his drift. Its amazing how many times we miscommunicate within types because someone (especially someone angry) says what they mean in a concrete way. Then blaming the other person for not understanding simply because they are not in that persons head. In such a scenario getting mad is counter-productive. Its also important for the confused person to ask for additional information if they dont understand, but to be honest if you are yelling at someone its more likely they are going to shy away or just defend themselves at that point.


Is there any type that will often make assertions of fact, and then refuse to back it up with any evidence? How do you reason with a person like that? I don't really have a desire for them to agree with me, I just want to learn to stop over reacting so much.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

BensUsername said:


> Is there any type that will often make assertions of fact, and then refuse to back it up with any evidence? How do you reason with a person like that? I don't really have a desire for them to agree with me, I just want to learn to stop over reacting so much.


sounds like INTP, when you figure out how to do that let me know  no INTPs were intentionally harmed in the writing of this post


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Sounds like me bud...  dont worry jus hang in there..


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## Cortega (Jan 25, 2012)

If they're being illogical, and you really do care - teach them logic.


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## slyspy (May 18, 2011)

BensUsername said:


> Is there any type that will often make assertions of fact, and then refuse to back it up with any evidence? How do you reason with a person like that? I don't really have a desire for them to agree with me, I just want to learn to stop over reacting so much.


If they are over reacting than you need to stay calm. People tend to react in the same manner that you do. Monkey see monkey do. If you remain calm they will too. Personally, I just act indifferent. Debates to me are more of a game rather than something to be taken seriously. If you provide them with evidence to the contrary and they don't believe it there is nothing you can do. If you do get into a fight and then feel bad about it, just take a few days to cool off. You are not going to feel good if you get into a fight with a friend no matter what because it honestly really sucks. I always regret everything I say in a fight but usually after a while I can relax, cool down, and then apologize (if you really feel like you hurt their feelings and it is necessary). I don't know. Tell me what you think.


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