# Why do married men lie to get women?



## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Why do they do this?Can someone please tell me? For the third time i have been lied to by a married /engaged man.I found out this time because we were supposed to go out,and he stood me up.I messaged him several times,no answer.So i called him.The alarm bells rang when i got his message bank,and he gave a different surname to the one he gave me.I recognised the name,i knew a woman at the church i used to go to.She had the same surname,anda husband with the same first name.I never met him,so i wondered if it was the same man.I messaged him telling him my suspicions.I was right,we had a heated exchange via text message this morning.He is that womans husband,i even asked him before we started dating if he was married and pretending to be single.He said no,he even told me he doesn't want children,he has three.
WHY,WHY,WHY!!!!!!! Do i have a sign on my forehead saying deceive me,lie to me.What am i mistress material only? I can't believe i fell for it a third time.Does anyone have any answers?Has this happened to anyone else.The galling thing is he still wants to see me in secret.My mouth has a bitter taste,i feel sick to my stomach.I cried myself to sleep last night,and have had a headache all day.Why kick a dead dog when it's down???Am i that effing gullible?


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Women lie too.


That was a lie.


No,_ that_ was.


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## Mother_Earth (Apr 24, 2011)

everyone lies


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Yes,but he made out to be single,told me he was sharing a house with two male friends and said that he was looking for a long term relationship,someone to settle down with.They weren't the only lies.He lied about his age too,he's 50 not 42 as he told me.I assumed he looked older than his age because he's a smoker.Strike one,two and three for me never assume anything


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

Because those men are a$$holes, plain and simple.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Hokahey said:


> Because those men are a$$holes, plain and simple.


You tell 'em, girlfriend!


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## Intense (Mar 15, 2011)

I think some men are complete players and just can't help themselves.

I think some others are maybe in unhappy marriages and are reaching out because they just want to feel desirable to somebody.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

That sucks, OP.

I think unmarried men lie to get women too, at times. Women might lie about their age or other things to get a man.

Makes it even more difficult to trust those people who come along determined to be honest because so many don't have that standard or don't practice it.

I have to say I'm grateful, had one man proposition me to be his mistress, but he was forthright about his home situation. Maybe something about my profile on the website made him honest about it, I dunno.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Lots of people, male and female, are like that. They lie to get what they want, and don't care about the consequences so long as it's only the other person who suffers.

It's not your fault that these people lie. I don't know what you could to make sure these pathological liars don't hurt you again, but hopefully you'll get some good advice out of this thread.


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

*"Why do married men lie to get women?"*
Because they're men.

*"Why do men lie to get women?"*
Because it's easier than telling the truth.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

MisterJordan said:


> *"Why do married men lie to get women?"*
> Because they're men.


Biological sex plays no part in this. There is no reason why they would lie simply because they were men - if they did, why don't most married men lie in order to trick women into sleeping with them? Also, there are many cases of NPE (Non-Paternal Events) throughout history where a man has brought up another man's child, so it's obvious that not only married men lie to get sex.



> *"Why do men lie to get women?"*
> Because it's easier than telling the truth.


Then that's just pathetic. Anyone who lies, male or female, in order to gain a sexual relationship should not be anywhere near a sexual relationship. Sadly, it's all too common and there will always be such people around.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

Evolutionary Psychology. Men are programmed to mate as often as possible with as many fertile women as possible to increase the likelihood of their DNA being passed down. Some men are quite content with investing their resources in their current mate and children. Others however do continue to take risks and attempt to "spread their DNA". This kind of behavior has been strongly associated with the same chemicals that increase aggressiveness, other forms of risky behavior, and highly masculine features. Chief among these chemicals is testosterone. Often these types of men are also financially successful and/or socially powerful and this power is also a strong biological stimulant to cheat. The subconscious evolutionary reasoning being that a man with average means should focus on one mate, while a man of considerable resources can and should afford to spread his chances among many since he can afford to. This pattern is corroborated by the high number of powerful and successful men that do this. Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods are just a few that come to mind.

Interestingly enough research has also shown that women who have much higher levels of certain female neuro-chemicals than average are also more prone to cheat.


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## lifeisanillusion (Feb 21, 2011)

Everyone lies. It just hurts more when it happens to us. In some ways it bothers us more that we fell for the lies than the actual lieing itself. It happened to me before, not with a married woman but with a woman who had a boyfriend, and I took it too personally. How could she do that to me, hurt me like that. In the end, searching for an answer drove me crazy. I would find one that satisfied me, but then it just created more questions. Life is unfair and don't take it personally. It is their shit if they are cheating, not ours. Letting it get to us, just harms us in the end through demons such as not wanting to get burned again and painting everyone with the same brush.

I have never cheated on someone, but I think it adds an element of danger or rush to sex. Might make sex more intense or exciting. Kind of like taking stronger and stronger drugs to get higher or get the same high. Same thing can happen to sex.You can build tolerance towards it, and need to try more daring or dangerous things to get the same result. This is especially true, if you are using sex an escape or as way to avoid your own feelings, or if you are ashamed of who you are.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

I should clarify: this is merely a scientific explanation, not a moral justification.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> Interestingly enough research has also shown that women who have much higher levels of certain female neuro-chemicals than average are also more prone to cheat.


 Source for this?


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

sparkles said:


> Source for this?


I would agree with it without a source, actually. People with higher hormones tend to be more "extreme" than people with normal or low hormone levels. Whether they be male or female.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> I would agree with it without a source, actually. People with higher hormones tend to be more "extreme" than people with normal or low hormone levels. Whether they be male or female.


 Behavior can be linked to a variety of factors, not all hormonal or even physiological. Example, ESFP and ESTP's fun-loving nature can also lead to higher focus on enjoying today with less conscious thought for tomorrow, and ENTP's bold riskiness could also lead to wild situations. Without a strong value system these could also lead to a greater chance of cheating.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

Hormones are also effective at deception | Health Details

This is not the best one that I found, but it is the quickest one I could find. Seriously though, I have seen the study many times. I think it is usually associated with women with extremely feminine traits (higher levels of female hormones) and similarly for males with higher male hormones than average. Again these are all statistical correlations; it by no means guarantees that a certain kind of man or women is safer or worse. I will keep looking for a better source if needed.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

perennialurker said:


> Hormones are also effective at deception | Health Details
> 
> This is not the best one that I found, but it is the quickest one I could find. Seriously though, I have seen the study many times. I think it is usually associated with women with extremely feminine traits (higher levels of female hormones) and similarly for males with higher male hormones than average. Again these are all statistical correlations; it by no means guarantees that a certain kind of man or women is safer or worse. I will keep looking for a better source if needed.


Okay. I don't buy evo psych as a whole but thanks for posting a source.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

sparkles said:


> Okay. I don't buy evo psych as a whole but thanks for posting a source.



Fair enough. I don't even know why I am posting such things. With the woman I'm interested in, I have absolutely nothing to worry about, hormones or not.


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