# Can parents have an impact on a child's type?



## Tater Tot (May 28, 2012)

Its pretty well known that a lot of traits come from how we were raised. My mom is a 1 because as a child people always blamed her for things - so now she's focused on being good, constantly reminding people "This isn't my fault!" Or "I did the right thing!" blahblahblah. Her mother is a 2. My nana is very manipulative and accusing, she loves it when there's a crisis going on in the household, she plays the victim, blah blah and still thinks what she's doing is good and sweet. So, is it likely that 2's can make 1's? What would my great grandmother be that could create such a strong 2? Its a logical theory, right? I bet if there were stats, that there would be a pattern in parent to kid typing. Lets say if I was a father and my child picked up on my hatred of conflict, would they grow 9 tendencies? And if the mother was a 7, and the child picked up on the benefits of being aggressive, maybe they would form an 8 wing? Or the other way around? Interesting.


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## staticmud (Jun 28, 2012)

Well, I can't speak for the possibility as a whole, but I can provide my own experience.

I believe that both my parents are sp 6s. Lovely people, yes, and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but they are unadventurous, a bit boring, and somewhat pessimistic. For as long as I can remember, I've always craved more excitement, new experience, and intensity than could be found at home. Everything I do has to be enjoyable and I try to constantly be happy. I am a sx/so 7w8. I have two older sisters who I'm pretty sure are an sp 1 and an sp 9.


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## Le9acyMuse (Mar 12, 2010)

It's not known and hasn't clearly been studied, but I think there is a relationship between cognitive type and Enneagram in that the cognitive setup can give a motivation (Enneagram) a means with which to be accomplished. If it's possible that one's Enneagram is somewhat related or dependent on one's cognitive setup then maybe we should take note of what would make an ENTP or something (I don't believe that any p-type can have any Enneagram). However, that's only one possible approach of many.

My mom is a 3 and my dad is an 8. Their children (including me) are a 4 and a 6. Growing up I remember how displeased and hard to impress my parents could be. It made me feel bad. I'm not sure if such things turned me into a 4 or not. I could just as easily have already been a 4 and identified those feelings for that reason alone. Is it possible for a child to walk around from ages 1-7 without some semblance of approach at being themselves? Sure, identity develops all throughout one's life, but I can't agree that it's ever intrinsically molded. I believe we are socialized by our surroundings and associate with ideas, social contracts and constructs.

I personally think personality and Enneagram are decided in the womb and that after that point we're simply modeled by the world to do, be and obey.

All this is opinion.


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

tatertawt24 said:


> Its pretty well known that a lot of traits come from how we were raised. My mom is a 1 because as a child people always blamed her for things - so now she's focused on being good, constantly reminding people "This isn't my fault!" Or "I did the right thing!" blahblahblah. Her mother is a 2. My nana is very manipulative and accusing, she loves it when there's a crisis going on in the household, she plays the victim, blah blah and still thinks what she's doing is good and sweet. So, is it likely that 2's can make 1's? What would my great grandmother be that could create such a strong 2? Its a logical theory, right? I bet if there were stats, that there would be a pattern in parent to kid typing. Lets say if I was a father and my child picked up on my hatred of conflict, would they grow 9 tendencies? And if the mother was a 7, and the child picked up on the benefits of being aggressive, maybe they would form an 8 wing? Or the other way around? Interesting.


I think parents DO have an impact on what type we become, but I don't think a parents type means they're more likely to have children of a particular type, at least not to any great degree. 

I say this because any type can be very healthy and any type can be very unhealthy. How one healthy, individual 2 acts or behaves doesn't mean another healthy 2 will act the same way - same for unhealthy and average types. There's so much variation between people of particular types I would be surprised if there was a big correlation. As well, different types can have very similar behaviour and actions while having a very different motivation for that behaviour and action. 

I think some types are more likely to have had a parent of a particular type, but I still think that just shows a possible trend. 

If a child picked up on something like hatred of conflict, perhaps their reaction would be to rebel against that hatred and try to stir up conflict. But a hatred of conflict also isn't restricted to only type 9's. Perhaps that child would end up being a 7 because they avoid their own inner conflict. Perhaps they would be a 1 because they see there is a right and wrong way to be in the world.

If a parents type does have that much influence on a child's type, what about twins or siblings? My best friends are twins and one is a CP 6w5 and one is a 1w2. There's so much that could influence a type. And in my own sibling group, my parents are both quite introverted (6w5, 9w1), and my 4w3 brother and I are also like this - but my 7w6 brother is like a totally different breed. He is the busiest person I know and he doesn't like to stop and relax at all. He loves to be around many people and gets anxious when there's "nothing to do" or no one to hang out with.

As for a 7 mother being aggressive - how do we know she would be? My brother is a 7w6 and he's not aggressive at all. He hates conflict and avoids it like the plague. When we were kids my other brother (4w3) and I (5w4) would get into terrible, yelling fights with my dad. But my 7w6 brother would never yell, would just try to downplay the conflict, and would usually just withdraw to get away from my dad instead of challenging him. 

My personal opinion is type likely develops from a mix of genetics and socialization.


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## The Nth Doctor (May 18, 2012)

I found this recently. It says that there are three basic orientations, and the specific combination in a parent and child can influence types. I don't know how accurate it is, but it seems possible. 

I tried it with myself, and it seemed to be accurate. My father (who I think influences my character more) at least is definitely responsive, and that's most likely the case for me as well. Responsive squared? Type six.

It certainly seems like the possibility of having many people in a child's life that influence them would throw this off (maybe the general interactions of people close to them would be what counts most?), but it at least appears to be a nice basic theory.


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## staticmud (Jun 28, 2012)

The Nth Doctor said:


> I found this recently. It says that there are three basic orientations, and the specific combination in a parent and child can influence types. I don't know how accurate it is, but it seems possible.


I personally found that to be accurate. Based on myself and my parents, I should have come out a type 7 or 5 (due to how I kind swing back and forth between neutral and active). I am a type 7, but I identify a lot with type 5 and originally typed myself as such.


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## Tater Tot (May 28, 2012)

@sleepyhead I was going off of stereotypical descriptions of types to make it simpler.  I didn't want to go into great detail so I went with the cookie-cutters ~7 is energetic~ and ~9 is a hippie~

and that link with all the parent-to-child scenarios was really interesting. Its definitely not a conclusion to anything but its nice to consider when typing.


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## Vesper (Sep 4, 2012)

Not sure what my mother is, possibly a 6, but I know my father was an 8w7 when younger, and an 8w9 now. I am an 8w7, and I do believe that's due to my father encouraging those traits in me.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

I'm firmly of the belief that our types are inborn; there's absolutely no other reason for me to be the type that I am. I had a _great_ early childhood, not the abusive hell that 6s are "supposed to" have had. If anything, my childhood conforms to types 7 and 1 orientations--often times, no one took care of me, and essentially I had to raise myself.

If type is determined by parental influence, I should be a 9, as my mother, and later, step-father were both 9w1s.

That said, there is a process called "introjection" that I've heard mentioned in regards to the enneagram. Apparently, it's most common among attachment types (3, 6, 9)--we tend to introject, or take on the attributes of our caretakers.

I know it's painfully true in my own case. I've introjected so much of my mother that others pick up on a 9-ishness in me. I also introjected her Fi-usage (I'm an Fe-user and couldn't even see that side of me till I realized my Fi-qualities come from my ISFP mother). She's also soc-last, and I'm still trying to determine if I'm soc-last, too...or if I just introjected that.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

There's no 'genetics' in types as in "My parents are this type so I am more likely to be that type" but the enneagram institute itself does claim that certain types of childhoods create certain types of types. It's just not about how "good" your childhood was (except for a few types like 8, which very often suffer abuse or trauma in childhood.)

_"As the result of their formative experiences, *Sixes became connected with their protective figures. The protective figure was the adult in the child’s early environment who provided guidelines, structure, and sometimes discipline*. This was the person who occupied the traditional patriarchal position in the family. Most often this was their fathers, or a father figure, such as a grandfather or teacher, but in many cases the mother or an older sibling may actually be the protective-figure. As children, Sixes wanted the security of approval by their protective figures, and felt anxious if they did not receive it. As they grew up, their connection with their protective figure shifted to an identification with substitutes for this person, such as civil authorities or belief systems from which they could obtain security.
*
Because they are connected to the protective figure, Sixes powerfully internalize their relationship with that person, whether it is a loving, supportive one, or a difficult, destructive one.* They continue to play out in their lives the relationship with the person who held authority in their early childhood years. If Sixes as children perceived that their protective figure was benevolent, and a reliable source of guidance and encouragement, as adults, they will continue to look for similar direction and support from others, be it their spouse, their job, their therapist or a mentor. They will do their best to please this figure or group, and will dutifully observe the rules and guidelines they have been given. In this case, though, Sixes will feel extremely disappointed and betrayed if the other person or situation violates their trust or fails to live up to their expectation of support."
_
_*"As young children, Eights were ambivalent to the nurturing-figure,* the person in their early development who mirrored them, cared for them, and provided affection and a sense of personal value. This is often the mother or a mother substitute, but in some families, the father or an older sibling may serve as the nurturing-figure.

_
_Eights did not strongly bond with or identify with their nurturing figure (like Threes), but they also did not psychologically separate from them entirely either (like Sevens) ...
_
_Thus, the *Eight identified with the complementary patriarchal role,* and learned that the best way to get some sense of value, affection, and nurturance was to be "the strong one," the little protector, the one that others turn to for strength and guidance, especially in a crisis."_


Both quotes from enneagram institute.​


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## darude11 (Jul 6, 2011)

My opinion is, that it can affect child's type, but only partially.

I have once found theory (which i am too lazy to find right now), which told, that there are three kinds of people - Active (bossy, dominant etc.), Neutral (don't care, reserved feelings etc.) and Responsive (sympathic, coorepative etc.). Thing is, that the 9 enneagram types are made by the combination of type of parent(s), AND type of child.
1 = Responsive with Active parents
2 = Responsive with Neutral parents
3 = Neutral with Neutral parents
4 = Active with Neutral parents
5 = Neutral with Responsive parents
6 = Responsive with Responsive parents
7 = Active with Responsive parents
8 = Active with Active parents
9 = Neutral with Active parents
If you look closely, each type of one of triads has got same type of parent.

Conclusion? Well, my personal conclusion is, that parents have impact at least on order of types in child's tritype (whether it is for example 1-2-5 or 2-1-5).


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

tatertawt24 said:


> @_sleepyhead_ I was going off of stereotypical descriptions of types to make it simpler.  I didn't want to go into great detail so I went with the cookie-cutters ~7 is energetic~ and ~9 is a hippie~
> 
> and that link with all the parent-to-child scenarios was really interesting. Its definitely not a conclusion to anything but its nice to consider when typing.


The parental orientation is interesting, but it doesn't fit for me or one of my siblings. I also find that link is far too brief and limited to offer much real insight into how these kind of dynamics play out.

The reason i responded was because going off stereotypes isn't going to give you much of a reliable answer. A lot of the stereotypes talk about more unhealthy or average behaviour tendencies but fail to acknowledge that many people do have happy, healthy childhoods. If the stereotypical pathological behaviour isn't as present, then it fails to explain how healthier individuals develop, whereas a more encompassing theory makes room for healthy to unhealthy development.

Even the poster below has taken a stereotypical view of a type 6 childhood - that 6's typically grow up in an "abusive hell", but in reality, I know plenty of 6's that didn't grow up in abusive situations and I don't think many of the more respected authors suggest that most 6's have. The descriptions of the childhood orientations in most of the books don't talk about specific situations, but more how each type of child will orient themselves and why. Most more expansive childhood theory says that 6's subconsciously look to the protective figure as children to help them move away from dependence on the nurturing figure. This can look a lot of different ways and a "nurturing" and "protective" figure can mean anything from completely absent parents to very present and healthy parents. These figures could be anyone from a mother, father, grandparent, sibling, social worker, foster parent, etc. Usually the process is completely subconscious and who gets assigned as "nurturer" and "protective" figures can look very different among different people.

For myself, type 5 childhood orientations talk about trying to find a niche but becoming ambivalent to both parents because there is no niche to fill. For myself, I had great parents, I've always been very close and loving with them, and I really cherish them. For me, the niche filling played out because my mom did everything in the house and my dad was busy often working outside the home or out of town. So I got used to "Don't ask much from me and I won't ask much from you" - my siblings and I never had any chores and we weren't even expected to clean our rooms. My siblings took full advantage of this but I became very neat and orderly, keeping my space and "castle" immaculate and ignoring the rest of the house. Having an ambivalent orientation towards my parents doesn't mean I don't like them, get along with them, or that I was neglected - rather that I see their roles as fulfilling a niche leaving none for me to fill and I became extremely introverted and self-reliant to find my own, concentrating on my own interests and space.

My point with posting is that there is so much that influences how our types and how we develop so basing possible development on stereotypes isn't going to get you far and ignores the reality of how complex we all are.


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## Tater Tot (May 28, 2012)

yeah, it was sort of an example of "if it was as simple as this would this be the case?" 

I really have no idea why I'm a 3, I was never taught anything close to how I am today, I just came out this way. XDD

well at least I haven't made a complete fool of myself with this thread. :3


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## Wake (Aug 31, 2009)

@tatertawt24, interaction with the parents is useful to hear about, but there is no cookie cutter way that people develop into an Etype.


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

I very much believe that childhood experience develops our Enneagram, with the other factor being our MBTI type, which I believe is innate or as close to as possible. Childhood experience would typically be heavily influenced by parenting, it isn't about what type they are so much as what kind of parenting they use, this is influenced by their type but not always directly correlated.

There are different views on why a certain type developed in relationship to parental style by different Enneagram writers out there and I find some to be way off the mark, or stereotypical in their view of a type. As I have an un-common MBTI-Enneagram combination the answers found in the writings of the likes of Palmer and Naranjo in regards to childhood development from parental influence have been explicitly on the money and given me clear answers as to how I developed an atypical combination.

It's not a matter of saying a combination of A and B in the parents will produce a C like a mathematical equation, it's about the stability in the home, the relationship dynamics between each person including any siblings, mixed with the expectations of the parents, how they showed love, and the communication style that was expected and accepted. 



sleepyhead said:


> If a parents type does have that much influence on a child's type, what about twins or siblings? My best friends are twins and one is a CP 6w5 and one is a 1w2.


The presence of siblings changes dynamics, parents give different levels of attention with more children, expect certain children to take on certain responsibilities, have "favourites" etc, not to mention the direct impact of the siblings and the child's MBTI. Plus the dynamics between the parents can develop into something different over time.



tatertawt24 said:


> So, is it likely that 2's can make 1's?


From Character and Neurosis, Naranjo, regarding 1s:



> I find ennea-type I somewhat more frequent among women. And among them I find that the parent for whose love the little girl has striven and who has been perceived as cold is more often the father. Besides an atmosphere of love scarcity, however, there is also in perfectionistic striving an element of modeling, a taking on by the subject of hard-working, perfectionistic personality of one or another parent. Frequently there is a perfectionistic father or mother in the family of the perfectionist, and when not, there is commonly an ennea-type VI father of an over-dutiful disposition (which has much in common with the demanding perfectionist).
> 
> The over all situation is one of excessive demands coupled with scant acknowledgement, so the child has felt the need to push on and on in an atmosphere of sustained frustration.
> 
> ...





tatertawt24 said:


> What would my great grandmother be that could create such a strong 2?


She may have been daddy's little girl to your great grandfather, and mummy's little helper to your great grandmother. There's no way of knowing their types, at a reach there may have been a 7 who overindulged her whims.


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

Sonny said:


> I very much believe that childhood experience develops our Enneagram, with the other factor being our MBTI type, which I believe is innate or as close to as possible. Childhood experience would typically be heavily influenced by parenting, it isn't about what type they are so much as what kind of parenting they use, this is influenced by their type but not always directly correlated.
> 
> There are different views on why a certain type developed in relationship to parental style by different Enneagram writers out there and I find some to be way off the mark, or stereotypical in their view of a type. As I have an un-common MBTI-Enneagram combination the answers found in the writings of the likes of Palmer and Naranjo in regards to childhood development from parental influence have been explicitly on the money and given me clear answers as to how I developed an atypical combination.
> 
> ...


Exactly. Going on a stereotype and then inferring that stereotype is the reason their children will develop into a type is far too simplistic and leaves out just how complex our development is. It's so much more complicated so trends will become visible in some cases, but so many other factors are at play at the same time.


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## Tater Tot (May 28, 2012)

I was much more affected by my older brother in childhood than my parents. I was extremely worried about impressing him. He's 8 years older than me, so I was always sort of 8 years beyond my maturity level to be equal with his ~coolness~ 

Also he got in fights with my mom a LOT. And my mom is terrifying when she's angry. All she has to do is look at you and you'll be scarred.  So I learned what not to do every day and molded into what they seemed to like. So I think maybe they indirectly made me to 'Be an image.' I still find myself having the same thoughts or opinions as my brother but I suppress them because I've seen what they get him.


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## blacksheepdog (Sep 8, 2012)

Enneagram theorists generally think that everyone is born with a type and that our upbringing determines how healthy we our in our type as adults. I am not sure about this. I am a 9, but I there are so many things about my childhhod that lend themselves to 9 behavior so that I am not sure if these qualities are inate. I am the seventh of 8 kids with an authoritative father figure. So I definitely grew up being observant, not wanting to contribute to conflict, and feeling like expressing aggression was unacceptable. Maybe I am really a four and my upbringing makes me look like a 9 or maybe my upbringing has turned me into a typical 9.


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## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

They have an impact on their childrens _health_ through support and nurturing and giving their children means to actualize themselves. They do not have an impact upon _type_. People change, but it's a development thingy while genes remain the same kinda thing. It is possible for an emotionally challenged ISTJ to notice peoples need for emotional support and act accordingly, as an example =). 

I could be mistaken but evidence support this, in my humble opinion.


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## PheonixFrenzy (Aug 19, 2012)

holyrockthrower said:


> I'm firmly of the belief that our types are inborn; there's absolutely no other reason for me to be the type that I am. I had a _great_ early childhood, not the abusive hell that 6s are "supposed to" have had. If anything, my childhood conforms to types 7 and 1 orientations--often times, no one took care of me, and essentially I had to raise myself.
> 
> If type is determined by parental influence, I should be a 9, as my mother, and later, step-father were both 9w1s.
> 
> ...


Really? I'd have to disagree with you on this one. While yes my mother is a type 9w1(attachment type) my father is most likley a (not sure)1w2. But I probably developed my huge superego from my father though, due to his constant "telling me that Im not perfect, Im worthless" but my gave me a nice place to relax lol


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

My mom is a 2. I don't know about her wings, and I don't know my dad's type. I'd say a 6 or a 3, if I had to guess. I'm a 4w5, and I've wondered if it's because of pertaining to how I was brought up. My parents never really cared about my interests, and they never really acknowledged certain aspects of my personality or certain needs and they really didn't seem to know what to do with me for a lot of my life before I turned 13, so I've always wondered if that shaped my enneagram. Being an INTP, you'd think I'd be a 5... seeing as an INTP 4w5 is an extremely rare type. Every time I've researched it, 4w5 has always been more accurate than 5w4, even if it's only by a hair.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Trutherseeker said:


> Really? I'd have to disagree with you on this one. While yes my mother is a type 9w1(attachment type) my father is most likley a (not sure)1w2. But I probably developed my huge superego from my father though, due to his constant "telling me that Im not perfect, Im worthless" but my gave me a nice place to relax lol


It's just what I've heard. I'm not saying it's accurate, necessarily. I have noticed it in my own case, though, very strongly. I can't speak for children of other types.


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