# What MBTI types suit an INFJ best for relationships?



## LadyPenelope

I"m curious as to what others think about what they think/feel/have experienced as the best match for an INFJ? : )


----------



## Vanishing Point

LadyPenelope said:


> I"m curious as to what others think about what they think/feel/have experienced as the best match for an INFJ? : )


I'd say For my personal tastes ENFP or ENFJ, but any combination can work. Individuals matter more than type. Each combination has a set of uniques challenges to overcome.


----------



## HonestAndTrue

By the book is ENFP or ENTP.

If it's a healthy relationship I'd say any type, so long as the INFJ is willing. Willing to be selfish, to ask not just give. Willing to share not just their body but their mind. And willing to openly and honestly communicate without holding their true self back. In other words, add a little ESTP (your functions in reverse order).

Is Kitty an INFJ? Looks interesting. Cocoon Clip (Alien Sex) - IMDb

Then again I think everyone needs some ISTJ.


----------



## LadyPenelope

Vanishing Point said:


> I'd say For my personal tastes ENFP or ENFJ, but any combination can work. Individuals matter more than type. Each combination has a set of uniques challenges to overcome.


I haven't had enough experience in a variety of types. I like talking to guys who have the NT happening but in relationship they annoy the hell out of me. I like INFPs I think I might like an INFJ but I guess someone with some extroversion would be good for me.
I'm curious because there are sooo few guys that I notice let alone want to talk to let alone want to get to know better. G/friends will say (for example) omg J/Depp is so hot, I really like Chris Helmsworth (etc etc). They ask me who I like and I say 'No one" They are astonished and ask why not? I say because I have no connection to these people, and for me connection is the biggest turn on. (is it like that for all INFJs??) Whilst I could admire their physical beauty like veiwing art at a gallery, I experience nothing...not even a minor tremble in a knee cap. LOL So I really am curious about it what other INFJs have experienced and or know.


----------



## LadyPenelope

Have you had any relationships with any INFJs HonestAndTrue? If you have what were they like? How do the rest of you experience us dammit! LOL


----------



## NFGeeks

I think ENFP and ENTP are the very best for INFJ. Another INFJ is good, too. I have actually seen ESTJ/INFJ work, believe it or not.


----------



## Surreal Snake

INxx


----------



## StormShadow

I always hear ENTP, ENFP, ENFJ, and INFJ. 

I have too little experience with relationships, and too little practical experience with the types to say anything with much certainty.

But I feel like Lady Penelope, connection is the one big must. I do see the appeal of the ENTP, as the extroversion might be healthy for an introvert, plus their extroverted intuition can be amusing. And yet, I sometimes think I might get tired with the NT-ness. I really want my partner to be a romantic, caring, passionate person. And too much extroversion, when it's to the point where they can't just sit back and relax, watch TV/Movies with me, might get tiring for me.

An ENFP does sound more appealing to me. I often find myself thinking of Mike, from nfgeeks, he's just real nice and I always think he's pretty darn funny. And yet I fear that their P might make them a little too... Non-structured, driven, and just a bit too wishy washy with things?

ENFJ, well, I don't have much to say about them. The ones I've met have been really great. 

And yet... I sort of think I'd ultimately prefer a fellow INFJ? I kinda feel like I'm relatively good at being extroverted, getting out and stuff, so I don't know... I think it's cute, if girls are shy... 

Okay, I'll just get to the real point here... I sometimes fear that anyone other than an INFJ, will truly "get" me? Can I get the same connection with anyone else... That is the darned question.


----------



## LadyPenelope

I wish I was 20 years younger! Ive 'met' more interesting guys on here in the past 4 days than I have collectively in the past 5 years. Do other INFJs or the NFs believe strongly in fate? Because I feel in my bones that if its meant to happen...it will. But on the other hand staying at home most of the time immersed in introverted pass times doesn't make for a lot of opportunity for fate to do its 'thing' lol *sigh* 

I so hear you when you say StormShadow "I sometimes fear that _anyone other than an INFJ, will truly "get" me? Can I get the same connection with anyone else... That is the darned question". 
I _know an INFP guy that 'gets me' but we are both 4s in the Eanneagram and both have had tragic childhoods so there is a commonality/recognition there. I find extroverts fun and stimulating but oh man sometimes they just won't shut up and don't get the 'vibe' that I'm not in a talking mood. I know an introvert especially the NF/J would 'know' instantly.


----------



## Vanishing Point

NFGeeks said:


> I have actually seen ESTJ/INFJ work, believe it or not.


I know one couple like that. It's working really well. There's mutual respect for each other's strenghts.


----------



## HonestAndTrue

LadyPenelope said:


> Have you had any relationships with any INFJs HonestAndTrue? If you have what were they like? How do the rest of you experience us dammit! LOL


Couple disclaimers. Taking the cognitive functions quiz my bottom two are Fe at -4.48 and Ne at -5.96. In other words I'm not good at reading people. However my top three are Ti at 14.31 and Te at 10.55 and Si at 10.31. In other words you dump all this data and examples and stories on me, I'll evaluate everything according to how I think, and turn 10,000 words into 10 words. 

That I can recall I haven't had any in person intimate relationships with an INFJ. I think all in person have been FPs though. Back in the days of yore, though, there was one different than all the others that I suspect was an INFJ. We never met in person but we did progress to the point we would talk for hours on end on instant messenger and then later on the phone. I'd take the cell phone and talk while going for a walk around a quarter mile track and get a couple miles in easy, then stop walking and we'd talk for another hour. 

I'd generally use almost all of my words up in the first lap or two talking about me, my day, what's on my mind. Though in this period of time I think she'd use more words than I would. Then it could be an hour or two of mostly her talking with different questions to check if I was still listening or not. "Does that make sense?" I'd say yes and summarize the 500 words into 5 words. She'd usually clarify something and another 500 words. And not 500 quick off the tongue I'm so excited you need to hear what I'm saying words. These were 500 words of motivations, people should be this way, if only, each word building on the last. Not really details deep but more the surface of the pacific ocean. I imagine tying a string to a cat's tail and it walking between, under, over, around all of the furniture. These 500 words would be following the string. I'd just see the cat started on one side of the couch and is now on the other side of the couch, or my five words.

I remember once she shared a favorite movie of hers. I watched it and noted down my favorite 50 lines of the movie, and a simple 10 word synopsis for the movie. She didn't really like that. I'd always be smiling, almost always positive and optimistic, but when we got off the phone I'd be totally drained. I think the opposite for her. She had endometriosis and was recently divorced. We'd talk about sex but there wasn't any sexual tension or sexual intimacy, just friendly playfulness. It was different. When we were on me she'd have a warm voice. When we were on her and in her head it would go cold to hot and cold again. We'd always end on a positive note though. I believe when she moved she changed cell phone numbers and started the next journey of her life. The movie is still a favorite of mine and reminds me of her.

Other than her about a half-dozen more friends or more I've had multiple hour instant messenger, phone conversations, and/or in person day long conversations with. Image a day long conversation from when you wake up, go to the park, restaurant, store, and go to sleep. All were more detailed and not in need of summarizing as there wouldn't be a search to find an answer to the question as it'd be obvious to us both. So sexual tension but relaxed, enjoying every moment, living not thinking. The smiles, eye contact, touch, all the non-verbal back and forth, and of course the verbal too. Basically all play and no work.

My phone friend possible INFJ was some play but also required lots of thinking turning chaos into order whereas my mind is in a constant state of order. It'd be like getting in the car and driving for an hour to pull into the driveway of your next door neighbor. I guess that's why I like to surround myself with lots of stimuli. I won't talk but I'll smile and enjoy a circle of people talking, or listen to three different conversations at the same time. Have a dozen different browser tabs open, listening to music, watching a movie, talking on Skype, and working at the same time. Perhaps skipping a bad song in the first five seconds, or taking the movie full screen for a good scene. Talking to her though I'd be outside in the dark away from everything free of distractions.

I can pause something, go away for an hour, come back and resume right where I left off. My possible INFJ friend was more like fishing. When you got a fish on the line there's no going away, you stick with it till you reel all your line in, making sure not to snap it, till the fish is on the boat and in the live well. Only then do you relax. So high-focus effortful intensity always readjusting. 

Possibly I work with an INFJ too but we don't have too much in common so not much to talk about except work. Most of my communication with her is just please and thank you. She's got hot and cold days too where one she can be laughing, smiling, and give the nicest compliment and the next no smile, no laughter, just silence.

Sound anything like an INFJ, or am I way off?

Song for an INFJ?


----------



## LadyPenelope

That was quite some read HonestAndTrue. I actually wrote a reply much earlier but the PerC website was having issues ( other people experienced that?) and when I hit 'post' it all dissappeared. Then I had to go to work. And now I cannot only fully remember exactly what I wrote but my mood has entirely changed.
However I DO remember being impressed at how descriptive you are and being sirprised that an ST would be so. I made the observation that that 'S' in you must be superb for observation. I listened to the song, and whilst musically it didn't touch me, the lyrics for sure reminded me of INFJ energy. Thank you for the great post btw


----------



## HonestAndTrue

So, on topic:
Looks like TJ, NFP, FJ are long-term or lifelong.
Looks like TP and SFP are in the moment or have difficulty with long-term.

How is TP a good fit for INFJ, or is it? Would you rather have a long-term guarantee OR intensity today but at any moment it may be gone?

I experienced the outage also. I also select all and copy to notepad so I don't lose it when I click preview. Then again some of my posts have taken multiple hours to put together reading it a dozen times or more. When I look into the past or even sometimes the present I don't see the physical world through my eyes. Instead I see it as 3D video that I can think of a room or place and I'm immediately there able to rotate the camera observing all around me. Think time-delayed Se. I can see an entire relationship with someone and go back in time and replay an event. Or think back to earlier in the day and what I saw walking down the aisle in a store. I'm always looking around. If we're talking in person and there's a distraction and you ask me what we were talking about I can usually roll back the tape and pick up right where we left off.

Good for observation, but bad for emotion. Touch, smell, and taste are almost always limited to the moment and not committed to retrieveable memory. The exception is when I taste something again I'll recognize if it's the same or different (a different oil?), but it never triggers memory of an event or person in the past like I hear Ni does. Sound is weak, but sight is very strong.

Why would an ST not be descriptive? How does your Ni work with past memories and the five senses? 

Music doesn't usually touch me. On great days though music can get me to move. People ask me what my favorite song or artist is and I just listen to a variety that I don't even have a favorite genre.


----------



## Haydn

Vanishing Point said:


> I know one couple like that. It's working really well. There's mutual respect for each other's strenghts.


Are you sure you have typed these people correctly? I know INFPs and ESTJs can work well probably due to shared functions but I have never seen an INFJ and an ESTJ get along well long term myself, I think these types tend to eventually end up in conflict. Still, I tend to get along with ESTJs better than INFPs and even ENFPs but aside from a kind of initial fascination, I cannot imagine INFJs and ESTJs having much in common for a relationship between them to work well long term. I do admire quite a lot about mature ESTJs though...from a very far distance.


----------



## HonestAndTrue

Haydn said:


> Are you sure you have typed these people correctly? I know INFPs and ESTJs can work well probably due to shared functions but I have never seen an INFJ and an ESTJ get along well long term myself, I think these types tend to eventually end up in conflict. Still, I tend to get along with ESTJs better than INFPs and even ENFPs but aside from a kind of initial fascination, I cannot imagine INFJs and ESTJs having much in common for a relationship between them to work well long term. I do admire quite a lot about mature ESTJs though...from a very far distance.


Apparently in socionics INFP and ESTJ are conflicting relations the worst compatibility, while INFJ and ESTJ are relations of duality the most favourable and comfortable of all intertype relations. It also says INFJ and INFP are likely to have an argumentative relationship.

Source: Relations between Psychological ("personality") Types

Guess I'm back to two of any type and effort.


----------



## Haydn

HonestAndTrue said:


> Apparently in socionics INFP and ESTJ are conflicting relations the worst compatibility, while INFJ and ESTJ are relations of duality the most favourable and comfortable of all intertype relations. It also says INFJ and INFP are likely to have an argumentative relationship.
> 
> Source: Relations between Psychological ("personality") Types
> 
> Guess I'm back to two of any type and effort.


Socionics is tricky because INFP is apparently INF*j* in socionics and so it is the INFP here who is really the dual of the ESTJ and INFJ is really the conflictor and this tends to be supported by my experiences. 

By function definition, Te/Fi/Ne/Si is basically define the same in MBTI as in socionics with some minor enhancements IMO. I believe that if you have primary Ni/Fe in MBTI then you have the same in socionics so you might be an INFp or even ENFj in socionics because socionics defines extroversion differently. Personally, I think the socionics descriptions are all mixed up, badly translated and confusing and so some people actually think they are INFP or INFJ in both systems because the are using the socionics type descriptions to type themselves. I am not a fan of socionics however.


----------



## Haydn

Also, I do not really believe that any two type can work with enough effort thing, though I guess it sounds nice and 'politically' correct. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, highest maturity and most focused effort, differences are too hard to bridge. I would not want a relationship where I am constantly working hard to make things work. I would like some similarities to bond and anchor us but also some differences to learn and grow from.


----------



## Vanishing Point

Haydn said:


> Are you sure you have typed these people correctly? I know INFPs and ESTJs can work well probably due to shared functions but I have never seen an INFJ and an ESTJ get along well long term myself, I think these types tend to eventually end up in conflict. Still, I tend to get along with ESTJs better than INFPs and even ENFPs but aside from a kind of initial fascination, I cannot imagine INFJs and ESTJs having much in common for a relationship between them to work well long term. I do admire quite a lot about mature ESTJs though...from a very far distance.


Well five or so years so far they've been together. I sure HOPE they'll last, them being close friends of mine and all. In the real world people don't date with an MBTI theory book in hand. Maybe it's for the best.


----------



## MissJordan

Talking in terms of statistics, the satisfaction rates of NFs in relationships with other temperaments are:
NF x NF 73%
NF x NT 64%
NF x SP 51%
NF x SJ 46%

So basically, other NFs are always good bet.




*Please note* that if you feel the urge to respond to this saying "Well I know an NF who loves SJs!", then you are obviously an idiot who doesn't understand what statistics mean.

I might sound harsh saying that, but I've been through the disgust that only someone who refutes statistic evidence based on anecdotal evidence can cause several times .


----------



## Esoteric Wench

Yes, a coupling of any two types can work if both partners are willing to put in the work. HOWEVER, some couplings require more work than others. I've come to the conclusion that life is just too short to spend my time on relationships that takes sooooo much work. Thus, I consciously seek out certain types and tend to keep other types at arm's length.

My advice is to not let MBTI dictate who you date. But let it help you see the predictable obstacles that you'll have with a person of another type.

As for INFJs and their ideal mate, let me share a few observations:

- Other NFs - You're on the same mental wavelength as any other NF. So if you type a potential date as an NF, then they might be worth a second look.

- ENFJs - It's been my experience (I who have several INFJs in my life) that INFJ/ENFJ pairings make great BFFs, but not necessarily good romantic matches. It all has to do with the way two personality types intertwine. Each pairing has it's own strengths and weaknesses. Almost every INFJ I know has an really important ENFJ friend. I think it has to do with the Ni/Fe simpatico these two types share.

- ENFPs - Yessirree bob. I can only share my own experience that as a rule INFJ men make me go week in the knees. Huzzah! These two types can be a very good match in my opinion. Look at the function order:
*ENFP - Ne>Fi>Te>Si
*INFJ - Ni>Fe>Ti>Se
Note how the type of function perfectly mirrors in ENFPs and INFJs. But the attitude of the function (introverted or extraverted) is opposite. In other words, these two types have so much in common and yet are simultaneous very different. The major obstacle here is understanding the differences in the ENFP's Fi/Te versus the INFJ's Fe/Ti approach to things. But once this is overcome it's all good.

- ENTPs - This is also an excellent match for INFJs. The E and P energy of the ENTP helps balance out the I and J of the INFJ, They also share an Fe/Ti approach to things, so none of these Fe/Fi or Te/Ti obstacles have to be overcome. I think this might be the easiest match, requiring the least work for an INFJ.

- INFP - My observation has been that there are inherent communication obstacles in this pairing. There is the Fi/Te versus Fe/Ti thing. Also, INFPs lead with their rational function (in this case Fi). I think it works best for an INFJ to pair up with another type who has a dominant perceiving function. (ENFPs and ENTPs have dominant Ne which is a perceiving function.)

- ESTJ - I've also seen this pairing work very well. I consider it like shooting the moon in hearts. Instead of dating someone you have a lot in common with (like another NF), you date a partner with whom you have very little in common (except for the J/P dimension). Collectively you have all your bases covered. This is the fundamental idea behind the concept of Duals in Socionics. Now I think Socionics is very muddled, however, I think they were correct about Duals.


----------



## Iustinus

Esoteric Wench said:


> Yes, a coupling of any two types can work if both partners are willing to put in the work. HOWEVER, some couplings require more work than others. I've come to the conclusion that life is just too short to spend my time on relationships that takes sooooo much work. Thus, I consciously seek out certain types and tend to keep other types at arm's length.
> 
> My advice is to not let MBTI dictate who you date. But let it help you see the predictable obstacles that you'll have with a person of another type.
> 
> As for INFJs and their ideal mate, let me share a few observations:
> 
> - Other NFs - You're on the same mental wavelength as any other NF. So if you type a potential date as an NF, then they might be worth a second look.
> 
> - ENFJs - It's been my experience (I who have several INFJs in my life) that INFJ/ENFJ pairings make great BFFs, but not necessarily good romantic matches. It all has to do with the way two personality types intertwine. Each pairing has it's own strengths and weaknesses. Almost every INFJ I know has an really important ENFJ friend. I think it has to do with the Ni/Fe simpatico these two types share.
> 
> - ENFPs - Yessirree bob. I can only share my own experience that as a rule INFJ men make me go week in the knees. Huzzah! These two types can be a very good match in my opinion. Look at the function order:
> *ENFP - Ne>Fi>Te>Si
> *INFJ - Ni>Fe>Ti>Se
> Note how the type of function perfectly mirrors in ENFPs and INFJs. But the attitude of the function (introverted or extraverted) is opposite. In other words, these two types have so much in common and yet are simultaneous very different. The major obstacle here is understanding the differences in the ENFP's Fi/Te versus the INFJ's Fe/Ti approach to things. But once this is overcome it's all good.
> 
> - ENTPs - This is also an excellent match for INFJs. The E and P energy of the ENTP helps balance out the I and J of the INFJ, They also share an Fe/Ti approach to things, so none of these Fe/Fi or Te/Ti obstacles have to be overcome. I think this might be the easiest match, requiring the least work for an INFJ.
> 
> - INFP - My observation has been that there are inherent communication obstacles in this pairing. There is the Fi/Te versus Fe/Ti thing. Also, INFPs lead with their rational function (in this case Fi). I think it works best for an INFJ to pair up with another type who has a dominant perceiving function. (ENFPs and ENTPs have dominant Ne which is a perceiving function.)
> 
> - ESTJ - I've also seen this pairing work very well. I consider it like shooting the moon in hearts. Instead of dating someone you have a lot in common with (like another NF), you date a partner with whom you have very little in common (except for the J/P dimension). Collectively you have all your bases covered. This is the fundamental idea behind the concept of Duals in Socionics. Now I think Socionics is very muddled, however, I think they were correct about Duals.


I have some close friends who are INFJs. I accredit our symbiosis due to cognitive functions that are essentially a hybrid of INFJ and INFP. I'm pretty sure the top of my functional stack was Fi-Fe-Ni-Ne, with my last two being Te-Se. Those top four were all nearly tied in development.

In less convoluted language, I'd recommend assessing each person as an individual, rather than a defined type.


----------



## Haydn

Esoteric Wench said:


> [
> As for INFJs and their ideal mate, let me share a few observations:
> 
> - Other NFs - You're on the same mental wavelength as any other NF. So if you type a potential date as an NF, then they might be worth a second look.
> - ENFJs - It's been my experience (I who have several INFJs in my life) that INFJ/ENFJ pairings make great BFFs, but not necessarily good romantic matches. It all has to do with the way two personality types intertwine. Each pairing has it's own strengths and weaknesses. Almost every INFJ I know has an really important ENFJ friend. I think it has to do with the Ni/Fe simpatico these two types share.


This is true I think. I really like ENFJs because my communication with them is better than I experience with all other types. 




> - ENFPs - Yessirree bob. I can only share my own experience that as a rule INFJ men make me go week in the knees. Huzzah! These two types can be a very good match in my opinion. Look at the function order:
> *ENFP - Ne>Fi>Te>Si
> *INFJ - Ni>Fe>Ti>Se
> Note how the type of function perfectly mirrors in ENFPs and INFJs. But the attitude of the function (introverted or extraverted) is opposite. In other words, these two types have so much in common and yet are simultaneous very different. The major obstacle here is understanding the differences in the ENFP's Fi/Te versus the INFJ's Fe/Ti approach to things. But once this is overcome it's all good.


Some people think that based on the function ordering that these types actually conflict. 



> - ENTPs - This is also an excellent match for INFJs. The E and P energy of the ENTP helps balance out the I and J of the INFJ, They also share an Fe/Ti approach to things, so none of these Fe/Fi or Te/Ti obstacles have to be overcome. I think this might be the easiest match, requiring the least work for an INFJ.


I think you may be right about this. They tend to see what I see and that is important to me. Additionally, they tend not to be over the top extraverts but it does take a long time for me to build relationships with them. Other INFJs seem to have had issues trusting them though.



> - INFP - My observation has been that *there are inherent communication obstacles in this pairing*. There is the Fi/Te versus Fe/Ti thing. Also, INFPs lead with their rational function (in this case Fi). I think it works best for an INFJ to pair up with another type who has a dominant perceiving function. (ENFPs and ENTPs have dominant Ne which is a perceiving function.)


I like said before, I personally have tremendous difficulties getting along with INFPs unfortunately. There is poor communication (which is not always obvious), a certain kind of boredom involved; when they stop being silent or pretending to agree with me, a lack of shared values in usually revealed. I used to have INFP friends when I was younger but now I think they just don't make good friends for me sadly. Maybe INFP women could make decent enough partners for INFJ men though.




> ESTJ - I've also seen this pairing work very well. I consider it like shooting the moon in hearts. Instead of dating someone you have a lot in common with (like another NF), you date a partner with whom you have very little in common (except for the J/P dimension). Collectively you have all your bases covered. This is the fundamental idea behind the concept of Duals in Socionics. Now I think Socionics is very muddled, however, I think they were correct about Duals.


ESTJs just have all sorts of skills which I admire and wish I had. I do not think they are as narrow minded as their reputation suggests. It seems though that a lot of INFJs on these forums who have more experience with ESTJs than I have really come to really dislike them. When around ESTJs I often think that they might do very well with a submissive partner like the INFP tends to be. I am a rebel at heart and authority means nothing at all to me which I suspect they do not like about me. Do you think that ISTPs or ISTJs are your dual?


----------



## Haydn

Vanishing Point said:


> Well five or so years so far they've been together. I sure HOPE they'll last, them being close friends of mine and all.


Out of interest, what is their relationship like? Are they happy or just kind of at an average level of satisfaction? Do they have any obvious relationship problems that you can see?


----------



## Vanishing Point

Haydn said:


> Out of interest, what is their relationship like? Are they happy or just kind of at an average level of satisfaction? Do they have any obvious relationship problems that you can see?


No offense but I don't feel comfortable further discussing their private life much further publicly like this. I feel like I'm turning them into some kind of MBTI guinea pigs. :blushed:


----------



## instantkarma

Just try it out. My experience tells me it is not just type. There are so many other factor that play a role.


----------



## Haydn

Vanishing Point said:


> No offense but I don't feel comfortable further discussing their private life much further publicly like this. I feel like I'm turning them into some kind of MBTI guinea pigs. :blushed:


I find your response really quite odd because not much detail was being asked about their personal life and MBTI guinea pigs? I guess maybe if they visited these forums then I could see your point more easily, but yeah do what makes you comfortable.


----------



## Vanishing Point

Haydn said:


> I find your response really quite odd because not much detail was being asked about their personal life and MBTI guinea pigs? I guess maybe if they visited these forums then I could see your point more easily, but yeah do what makes you comfortable.


I find your response odd myself. What is the problem with not wanting to delve into my friends' private lives when people on this thread were implying it's not possible for an INFJ and an ESTJ to have a relationship? What was the motive behind you asking me about it? I'm not going to analyze their private life to find support or contradiction to the Beebe model. I find that a bit unsavory. And it makes me think of using them as examples for people to comment on. these are real people who are close to me and I tend to respect people's privacy. Wether they know it or not.
It doesn't matter to me that much wether people on an online forum live in the belief it's impossible or possible. Their beliefs are their responsibility. Whatever. But I can say that they seem happy enough to me. I'm not a fly on their wall when they are alone at home so can I really give a thorough analysis? No. Nor would I.
They play music together and are thick as thieves. INFJ is songwriter/producer ESTJ the booking agent/ manager. Both musicians. Spend 80% of their time together and don't seem to hate each other despite so I'd call that successful enough.
:dry:


----------



## Dewymorning

the strongest connections I have ever felt with anyone has been with an INFPs and an INFJ. 

The INFP did not know the seriousness of my feelings and I eventually got over them, and I still regard them as one of my best friends. 

The INFJ, our main problem seems to be neither of us has yet bite the bullet to get the relationship to the next step. Doesn't help that we're living in different cities currently. Still, I can't see myself being in a long term relationship with anyone else. 

As for who we're not compatible with, my father is an ISTJ and I just could never see myself happy in a relationship with someone like him.


----------



## Haydn

Vanishing Point said:


> I find your response odd myself. What is the problem with not wanting to delve into my friends' private lives when people on this thread were implying it's not possible for an INFJ and an ESTJ to have a relationship? What was the motive behind you asking me about it?


Well, I sure did not say anything was wrong with anything you did, I said it was odd. I also think it is reasonable of others to question/debate whether an ESTJ and an INFJ can have a good relationship, no one said or implied as far as I remember that it was impossible; theoretically I cannot see such a relationship turning out well myself but IRL things are often different from what theory would dictate and that is why I asked you about the quality of their relationship in your opinion as you claim to have seen such a relationship in real life. I certainly was not asking for intricate details of their lives as I am not really interested in that and I do not know them, I could just have easily asked the other poster who has real world knowledge of this relationship and now I kinda wish I had...she seems less defensive and uptight overall come to think of it now. Maybe I would have gotten a simpler response without a whole lot of unnecessary moralizing, emotional aggro and closeness blah, blah lecture thrown at me...slightly less Fi if you will.






> But I can say that they seem happy enough to me. I'm not a fly on their wall when they are alone at home so can I really give a thorough analysis? No. Nor would I.
> They play music together and are thick as thieves. INFJ is songwriter/producer ESTJ the booking agent/ manager. Both musicians. Spend 80% of their time together and don't seem to hate each other despite so I'd call that successful enough.


This response to the original question is simple and really would have been adequate enough I think.


----------



## Vanishing Point

@*Haydn 
*Fair enough. I overreacted. This thread was not actually the only thread I was having a nearly identical conversation about ESTJ and INFJ relations simultaneously and I think the annoyance from dealing with that spilled over to this thread and I was being undoubtedly snarky without reason, so my apologies. Bad behavior on my part. I'm sorry about how I talked to you.


----------



## Haydn

Vanishing Point said:


> @*Haydn
> *Fair enough. I overreacted. This thread was not actually the only thread I was having a nearly identical conversation about ESTJ and INFJ relations simultaneously and I think the annoyance from dealing with that spilled over to this thread and I was being undoubtedly snarky without reason, so my apologies. Bad behavior on my part. I'm sorry about how I talked to you.


No harm done


----------



## angularvelocity

NTs seem to keep my interest the longest. By that last comment, I'm not saying relationships are dictated by me in anyway. Just as an observation, I will continually persue NTs because I like their brain and the way they think. I dated an INTP for 5 years, an ENFJ for 2 months, an ENFP for a little over a year, and now an INTJ for 7 months and going strong. The ENFJ was too giving and it seemed like we were both giving too much. If I had that now, I could probably handle it but years ago I was not ready for that. I enjoy how NTs do not get as emotional as NFs because it doesn't disrupt my inner peace which allows me to function better as a significant other.


----------



## Absolution

Honestly, I feel ESTP is the best fit for INFJ. They complete us. And strengthen our weaknesses.  

Yay for being grounded.


----------



## Razare

I've heard ESTP working out.

For me, I have to eliminate the types I know... (one of the downsides of knowing personality theory)... No, I don't want to date someone eerily similar to my father (ESTP). It would drive me mad. nor do I want to date someone who reminds me of my sister (ENFJ).

My mother is an INFJ and so am I... so I could probably tolerate that type, since I am one... and that type does vary quite widely in behavioral tendencies.

the list for me is: INFP, ENFP, INFJ... perhaps INTP... maybe ENTJ The first three are "good" the other two are just fringe options. ESTP and ENFJ are also considerations if you don't have personal limitations against them. (ENFJ's have too much drama for me.)


----------



## Absolution

The problem with dating yourself, is that it is that if you and the other INFJ are at different levels of maturity, well then it might not work out/ would be less than pleasant (although this applies to maturity of all types). 

I simply cannot imagine myself dating an less mature version of myself. I would go bananas.


----------



## KateMarie999

I know an INTJ/INFJ couple. It works extremely well. They seem to read each others' minds.


----------



## JessM

I feel like with other INFJs we'll understand how one another work, but won't get strong connections because we both try to learn more about the other and internally reflect on it if that makes any sense? I mean it could go both ways. Having the same personality type could either cause both partners to encourage one another or bring each other down. I understand feeling like anyone other than INFJs won't get you though. However, I've found that ENFJs tend to understand INFJs well.


----------



## JessM

I find I'm really attracted to ENFPs because they get me out of my shell, are good at communication, and help balance out my neurotic obsession over structure. However, they can also be very temperamental and think through problems less logically.

I think ENFJs work well because they're similar to ENFPs but are more structured. ISFPs are great as friends because they can quickly calm down an anxious INFJ with their general laid-back attitude but they aren't very good at understanding an INFJ so I'm not sure they would work well in a relationship together.


----------



## charlie.elliot

ISFP ! They are amazing!

I'm a little biased because my partner who Im very much in love with is one, but..... really. If you're never been seriously close friends with an ISFP, you should really try it. Carefree ISFP energy is the perfect antidote to my painfully-complex/ridiculously self-conscious self. I'm without a doubt a much better person for having known an ISFP so well... I don't know where I'd be without her (not only because of her, but because of what I've learned about _myself _from getting to know her personality so well). 
I'm sure the same thing would work out with an ESFP, but they might be too fast-paced for an INFJ. Too Se-ish. 

Not sure about the xSTPs, I don't think I know any very well.


----------



## Windblownhair

MissJordan said:


> Talking in terms of statistics, the satisfaction rates of NFs in relationships with other temperaments are:
> NF x NF 73%
> NF x NT 64%
> NF x SP 51%
> NF x SJ 46%
> 
> So basically, other NFs are always good bet.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Please note* that if you feel the urge to respond to this saying "Well I know an NF who loves SJs!", then you are obviously an idiot who doesn't understand what statistics mean.
> 
> I might sound harsh saying that, but I've been through the disgust that only someone who refutes statistic evidence based on anecdotal evidence can cause several times .


I've read these statistics before and found them quite interesting. Frequently much is made of having a P/J match, and this doesn't get that specific. I would be interested to see if there actually is an increased bump in satisfaction based on this pairing.


----------

