# Vent.



## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

I've been neglecting a lot lately, and things are happening in my life where I am not motivated to do anything. I have become selfish to my own thoughts, and no one and nothing matters. I thought that I was over it, but everything just has come tumbling down on me and I don't know what to do anymore.

People can suggest things to me, but I've gotten to the point where I just don't care. Nothing in life seems exciting to me. Even the simple thought of even going out with friends doesn't interest me. I don't want to lose my friends, but I find the thought of doing it is boring. My expectations don't meet my reality. I've been told to go outside and find things to do, but what is there to do? I've lost all my passions. I'm at the end of my tether. I just have this sick feeling in my stomach that nothing will make me happy ever again. 

I have been in and out of this for months. I'll be feeling ok one week, and the next I'm back to being apathetic about life. I even stupidly thought of driving off a cliff (melodramatic, but there you go) , because I just feel like I have nothing to offer, or the world has nothing to offer me. I couldn't kill myself; I don't have the courage. But I still wonder about the possibilities, and it has scared me that I have come to this point. 

This week I have ended up with a rash, because of it. Because of all the stress that I have caused myself. When you're body tells you that you are stressed, maybe it's time to get help?

Something happened yesterday which I will keep disclosed, as writing about it will just bring my stress levels up. And I realised that was the only thing that was making me think that life was wonderful, and in the end you do get to be happy. You just need to get through all the bull first. It turned out, I had fooled myself. 

Because of this, it opened me up to admitting everything to the people who I know, but still, like I said. People can suggest things and try to cheer me up, but I don't want to do anything that they suggest. 

I went to the doctors today, because I decided that I needed to get some professional help. In the end they enrolled me for counselling. 

*Question.*

Even though this is a self pity thread, what I want to ask is what can I do to "boost" myself in the mean time? I have one project to finish for university, and if I fail that, I know i'll regret but at the moment, I don't have the motivation to do it. Maybe you've been through a similar experience? How do you make yourself get up and go, when you don't care?


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

It sounds like you are depressed. I've been there, it is very difficult to deal with. Kudos on taking the initiative to get professional help, I did that as well and it really helped me get through it. 

As far as boosting yourself, I can tell you what worked for me, maybe it'll work for you as well. 

1. Exercise. Force yourself to get at least 15 minutes each day even if it's just walking around the block.
2. Journal. Write down each day your experiences. Specifically write down positive feelings/activities & negative feelings/activities. Try to eliminate the negative & do more of the positive.
3. Read up on whatever is bothering you, there are many psychology books on just about any subject under the sun.
4. Let others in.

I managed to get through mine without any medication, but you may need something at least temporarily from your Dr to stabilize things out and get you on the right track. It should be a short term solution though.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

sounds to me like depression.

I've been there several times in my life. Professional help is a great thing. Medications helped me - i've been on paxil for 10 years. I was lucky we found the right thing to help me the first time.

but it all takes time. 

A few things you may consider. Do some reading on depression. Perhaps a bit on grief. 
Know that things will get better.
You do have friends, and people who have been there before. 
You really should find small things which bring you small joys. Eat a candy bar. Get your nails done. Small things, and it is ok to enjoy them.

It will get better. Many of us have been there, and it is really horrible, but it will get better. 

I'll PM you my IM and phone number in case you want someone to just talk to.

doug


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## Random User (Apr 5, 2013)

Some advice a friend has given me before:



> Sunlight. It is VERY important to take advantage of ALL and any sunlight you can get during the winter months. Unfortunately, you need it direct on your skin and so, many people can get seasonal depression during winter and feel much lower than in summer. You need a minimum of 20 minutes a day on your chest, if possible, at the brightest part of the day. If the UV rating is high, or you have photo-sensitivity, then you need to consider supplementing. If you can afford Vit D3 tablets, then do so and take 6 of them each day you don't get any/much sunlight.
> 
> Vit C is sooooo important, too, and is used in conjunction with other vitamins to treat mild depression.
> 
> ...


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

bluekitdon said:


> It sounds like you are depressed. I've been there, it is very difficult to deal with. Kudos on taking the initiative to get professional help, I did that as well and it really helped me get through it.
> 
> As far as boosting yourself, I can tell you what worked for me, maybe it'll work for you as well.
> 
> ...


I don't want to get too personal, but how was counselling for you? What about it helped you? 

I have seen a lot about exercise too. One or two people have recommend it to me. But again, I feel like I am deluding myself off a temporary thrill. :/ I don't want to say "Give me some advice." then reject everything, but since you've been there, maybe you'll understand. 

Thank you for taking your time to look and respond.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

a good counselor can just listen. they don't really know you, they don't know teh people in your life. they are a neutral third party.

they can help guide you a bit in looking at things. they are always supportive, and don't judge, they just want to help, and they get paid to do it.


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

firedell said:


> I don't want to get too personal, but how was counselling for you? What about it helped you?
> 
> I have seen a lot about exercise too. One or two people have recommend it to me. But again, I feel like I am deluding myself off a temporary thrill. :/ I don't want to say "Give me some advice." then reject everything, but since you've been there, maybe you'll understand.
> 
> Thank you for taking your time to look and respond.


Counseling was good for me in just having a neutral third party that didn't know squat about any of the people involved in the situation, so she had no biases. She would ask me questions, then allow me to look at things differently based on her direction. Hard to explain, but a friend can't exactly do this, they are normally too close to the situation to take a neutral role and give you good guidance, plus aren't trained in that area. They also helped me develop some new coping skills. I went every week for a few months and then every other week for a few more, eventually got to the point where there was nothing much new to report or deal with and she cut me loose.

As far as exercise, it's not really a temporary solution if you keep it up. You will just feel better after 2-3 weeks if you are eating properly & taking care of your body. I run & hike a lot, if nothing else it just helps clear my head and let me think outside of the normal every day rut. I know it seems a little weird, but it really works.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I also exhibit little passion. One thing I've been realizing, and I don't know if this is something you'll benefit from, is that my passions are just different from those around me.

I was with a guy for a long time who would criticize me because I did not get excited or passionate about what he would have (or what he thought I should).

He loved to hike to the top of mountains and I have trouble understanding that desire. 

But I'm now realizing that I actually do get passionate about things, even if I don't show it. I consider these things to be like wild horses--they sometimes pop their heads up and I desire to follow them. And I've also decided that this is the direction that I need to take.

I don't mean that everything that seems exciting is what I am passionate about. I could consider driving off a cliff, but that's not a wild horse to follow. But sometimes things like learning about a new mythological character will excite me. Or maybe even just looking at a seed I've never seen. These things aren't generally appreciated or considered passions, but that's what motivates me. Mushrooms are another big thing for me--and lichen. These are things that give me the drive to live.

Maybe you need to start at that kind of first step--listening to yourself and finding what it is you are interested in, no matter how boring or sterile it is to someone else? What are the things you were once passionate about? Maybe those things will help you to find new passions.

Try some new things and see if you have different responses to them.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Hey @firedell, hope that you get better! It sounds to me like you have a depression, so counseling may not be the only help you need?

I posted my "depression fix-it list" under Dying Acedia's post "When you don't know what to do" in this forum, if you want to check it out.

I would also like to add that you may want to check your thyroid hormone levels. About 10% of women have problem with their thyroid hormones and the imbalances are often caused by stress. If you have hypothyroidism, which I had about 15 years ago, you feel exhausted, depressed, gain weight and you can even suffer memory loss (I have a year that I don't remember anything from!). There is a long list of other symptoms as well, so you may want to google it and see if this can be what is causing you to withdraw.

Good luck and hugs!


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

I'm a big advocate of journal-writing and constructive activities like exercise that relieve tension and have body and mind enhancing benefits.

When you journal, write as though you are the protagonist of your own narrative. That way, when you read it back, you'll want to see that protagonist overcome all obstacles and succeed. Above all, remember that your personal health and happiness are, in fact, top priority, and at the end of the day you have all the authority over how good you allow yourself to feel.

Above all, make your life matter, and make it a priority in your mind that you deserve only the best. Never allow yourself to suffer needlessly.

Hope this helps you out. All the best. :wink:


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

My mother went through bouts of apathy, depression only to learn she was diabetic. She was born with type II diabetes; she would have moments of extreme irritability to pure, empty apathy. People have tried to diagnose her as a clinical depressive but her stubbornness proved them all wrong. I often feel this way whenever I project my present situation infinitely into the future.

The thought of nothing changing frightens me; unfortunately, many people take comfort in things remaining the same. I'm not certain how this idea will relate to sensors; but Ne and Se have some overlap as both require the external environment to thrive. I'd like to propose an alternate idea to depression, and that is boredom, exhaustion and perhaps frustration which can eventually lead to depression. When you go out with friends, is it routine? Would it hurt to propose the idea of trying something new? Whenever I feel my bouts of 'I hate the world, and everyone in it and I can't bear witness to this sorry existence,' I like to go for a walk. By walk, I mean travel to a different city, or, explore my own environment and force myself to take in details I have neglected, maybe myself take a different route to work, etc. Having a camera handy forces you to take notice of many curiosities because you're in the mindset of noticing. 

I stopped going to bars in first year university, I still enjoy grabbing a coffee or a drink with someone. Also, you can explore other topics of conversation; I've ended friendships, relationships because I felt the other person has developed a one track mind. Variety is necessary for me. A warning on goals and their accomplishments: they leave me feeling empty. The process is as important as the endgame. Society is obsessed with accomplishments, and therefore we set goals, more objectives and more ambitions. We never take the time to learn something, get to know someone, enjoy something and be ourselves. Quick question, are you finishing your last year of uni and are battling with uncertainty? A little confession: my greatest fear of adult life is its predictable, repetitious nature.


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