# I'm Basically the Epitome of Socially Awkward... Help?



## suicidal_orange (May 6, 2010)

Soupwizard said:


> All of my other friends are pretty much just acquaintances that never invite me to anything.


Here's a suggestion - why don't you do the inviting for a change? Even if you're not convinced these people want to talk to you if you suggest an interesting thing to do they will come along. Say you go to a zoo you'll have found a shared interest in animals with anyone who comes, which is something to talk about. Each new animal is a new topic. Or if you watch a movie afterwards you can talk about that. Both are impersonal so there is no way of "saying something stupid" :happy:



Soupwizard said:


> People compliment me, I say thank you, but it usually doesn't really open up conversation. If I'm lucky, they'll ask a question or two, I'll answer them, and that's it.


"I like your coat" "thanks" conversation ends. "I like your coat" "thanks, I got it on holiday in ???? a couple of years ago" provides an opportunity for a conversation to start and by saying more words you appear more open to talking. I don't know that you do the first one but I used to, it took repeated exposure to the same people (work is just like school when you're young - one desk sat next to the same people all day every day :laughing to get someone to point it out to me. Gotta love the bluntness of ENTPs!

You're right though, step one is to spend less time sat at your computer so you acumulate more experiences to talk about.


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## dizzygirl (Dec 19, 2009)

I agree with what Khar said about making the right friends. My first best friend was so sarcastic and manipulative that i never figured out that i had changed for the worse until our friendship ended. She and my ex left me socially uncomfortable and unsure. I always thought that what i had to say was not important enough or was not witty enough. but the point is whatever you have to say is important because you want to say it. So, just you know, don't try to tone yourself down and go crazy with talking whatever! 
there was a period when i'd have following conversations wid people:
me: birdie!
other: @[email protected] 
other: what? huh?
me: sailor!
other: what is going on?
me: never mind
and i'd just walk away, very sure that these are not people that i can talk to about ANYTHING! :tongue: it sounds weird but this is how i filtered people in the talking zone.


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## caramel_choctop (Sep 20, 2010)

*hugs* I don't really have any advice to give you, 'cause I'm in the same situation myself. But as hard as it seems, I think you just need to jump into the deep end. Try and stop defining yourself as 'boring' (trust me, I do this *all the time*) or 'stupid'... and try something new, something that engages your emotions and gives you a goal. I've started to learn guitar, for instance. 

Scary as hell, isn't it? EDIT: no, that's not sarcasm.

<3


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## 4isfp (Apr 17, 2011)

you said you're a type 2 right? well i've seen some 2s really afraid of people and as I observe them they really are very very awkward.


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## 4isfp (Apr 17, 2011)

Soupwizard said:


> I'll try to be myself, but 'myself' is kind of... boring, I guess. And confusing.


 Of course not! you're enneagram type 2. I really have a huge attraction with Enneagram 2 people


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## Soupwizard (Mar 9, 2011)

> "I like your coat" "thanks" conversation ends. "I like your coat" "thanks, I got it on holiday in ???? a couple of years ago"


I've tried to do that; it went something like this:
Other Person: "I love your ring!"
Me: "Thanks; I found it on the ground in the hallway last week."
Other Person: "Oh... Did you clean it before you wore it?"
Me: "Umm..."
Other Person:


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## Wobzter (Jun 2, 2011)

Soupwizard said:


> Any conversation I have rarely lasts more than five minutes. Even when I'm talking to someone on the internet they usually lose interest after about two seconds. I don't know what it is about me, but most people just don't seem too care much about what I have to say.


Challenge accepted!
MSN: Wobzzzter [at] live [dot] nl
Skype: Wobzter

Anyway!
The way you describe yourself seem to be a hybrid of me and a friend of me.
Me because I often find myself wondering why people would ever want to be with me when all I do is just be there without any input.
And that friend because; for as far as I know, she doesn't have many friends at all; when I met her 2 months ago I increased her number of real friends with a 2-digit number percentage; I think. She, however, is quite a talkative person! But I recognize the scene which you described with the coat.
The day I met her; it was through a friend of her whom I had met online 5 days before; she had her hair in an (in my opinion) amazing way. It was very scene/emo'ish but I loved it. When we were walking around a little fair, there was were this guys talking and we passed them by. Then all of a sudden one of the guys turned around and was like "You've got awesome hair!".
She was too shy to respond or thinking he was sarcastic (the group looked like a bunch of guys who aren't always the nicest). When I mentioned that a week ago she had already forgotten, though.
As for me; I have quite a few friends. Perhaps not as close as some others are with each other, but I'm fine with that. The thing which helped me gain enough friends is my apparent randomness (usually only seen online), kindness and me willing to help others. What was also a major contribution is that I went to a top-level class (I don't mean to brag). The people there are usually much kinder people, and WAY less bound by social constructs of popularity. 
But anyway, just as you I don't talk much, and when I do talk it's usually so soft I realize no one heard one word of what I said; and when I do end up in a conversation; the awkward silences are way too abundant. Nevertheless; I find myself having enough friends.
Perhaps the reason of this because of how I characterize myself online. Online I can find myself talking way easier, and I have uploaded several videos on YouTube which show off a lot of goofiness. 
But even without Internet I don't find it hard to make friends; I am always kind, never pushy, willing to help, and relaxed but probably boring as hell --> So even though I don't have much to offer socially, I don't have many bad things either.
People are just looking for other people to hang out with; people who listen. And as long as you don't annoy them, you should be able to find enough friends.

As many others have said; there are too many people you'd rather not be friends with; but there are certainly enough people you DO want to be friends with.

On a more personal note.
I don't find you boring at all.
Contrary to me, you have to guts to face your problem and talk about it online; ask for help.
I'm the kind of person who wants to figure other people out; so shy people (like yourself) are very interesting people for me.

If this post is somewhat confusing, I'm sorry, I kinda wrote what came to mind. I don't think it's well structured :/.
Oh well.
Challenge is still accepted!
Waiting for validation 

Edit: One way to help with your problem is by changing the way you converse with people. What might help is by asking things about the other person. Of course, make sure you find a talkative person .
But yeah, just keep on asking things. And when you don't think there's nothing to ask anymore when someone responds, then take it as a challenge to find a noun in the last phrase the person said to ask about. BUT, make sure you don't overwhelm the person with question. Try to steer the questions to a subject you are familiar so you can talk along . I'm usually to lazy to do it, but then again, I'm fine with my life as it is.


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## hereandnow (Nov 26, 2010)

Soupwizard said:


> So, as the title suggests, I'm really socially awkward. It sucks, because I love people. I love talking to people. I'm just kind of... afraid to talk to people, I guess. I'm always afraid that I'm going to say something stupid, so either I don't say anything, or I force myself to talk and end up saying something stupid, just like I thought I would. It seems like whenever I try to say something, whoever I'm talking to just gets really confused and acts like I'm speaking a foreign language. I'm really shy and it's really hard for me to approach someone, unless I have something specific I have to say to them. When someone talks to me, I always reply, but I guess whenever I talk I for some reason give the impression that I don't want to talk, even though there's nothing I'd rather do than have a nice conversation with someone. I even have trouble talking to people on forums, and even though I've been here for a while, I haven't posted much at all, and I haven't made any friends at all here. Can someone help me not to be so awkward and shy?


See if you can land yourself a job where you can be exposed to people or customers like retail for example. It helps when initially other people approach you with questions and you can help them as part of your job but eventually YOU will have enough confidence built up to initiate. It's worth a try I think. It worked for me when I was really shy before.


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