# My girlfriend wears butt pads and I don't like it.



## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

emberfly said:


> Okay, say you dyed your hair green and we're in a relationship and I don't like it.
> 
> I'm not going to say "wow I love your green hair, it's beautiful!"
> 
> ...


I don't disagree with you in what you are saying generally, but have you read the OP? She wears the pads because she is extremely insecure about her butt, she won't even let him see or touch it naked. If anything, she is _not_ being herself.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

Red Panda said:


> She wears the pads because she is extremely insecure about her butt, she won't even let him see or touch it naked. If anything, she is _not_ being herself.


So what should he do?


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## Nein (Oct 15, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> She wears the pads because she is extremely insecure about her butt, she won't even let him see or touch it naked.


She is actually insecure about the pads, she won't let him touch or see _the pads_. 

Basically, she likes the way she looks when wearing them, she just doesn't want people pointing out, noticing or commenting about them. It doesn't seem to be much of a big deal or she would try something more drastic such as implants or bodybuilding, and even though this alternatives are more harmful and invasive, they would be taken more lightly in social judgement. She just wants her ass to look nice in some jeans, it's not different from a push up bra, tanning or dyeing her hair. People can do way more harmful things in the name of a beauty ideal. Some people feel more comfortable when they can show they have a specific trait that happens to be trending at the moment, if it is her thing, let it be, if he really doesn't like this kind of behaviour, he can always find some other girl that fits better to his tastes.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

emberfly said:


> Okay, say you dyed your hair green and we're in a relationship and I don't like it.
> 
> I'm not going to say "wow I love your green hair, it's beautiful!"
> 
> ...



Lol, I already said something about this earlier.

But, anyway-- I don't expect you to lie. You say you don't like the hair, or you say it looks like shit, or whatever (the pads have been pointed out to me as an insecurity thing, so that boat has sailed), and then you follow up by saying that, "If _you_ like it, that's what's important, and I'll back you on that." yadayada, crymeariver, sappiness. That's the appropriate sappy way to go about it. :kitteh:


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Nein. said:


> She is actually insecure about the pads, she won't let him touch or see _the pads_.
> 
> Basically, she likes the way she looks when wearing them, she just doesn't want people pointing out, noticing or commenting about them. It doesn't seem to be much of a big deal or she would try something more drastic such as implants or bodybuilding, and even though this alternatives are more harmful and invasive, they would be taken more lightly in social judgement. She just wants her ass to look nice in some jeans, it's not different from a push up bra, tanning or dyeing her hair. People can do way more harmful things in the name of a beauty ideal. Some people feel more comfortable when they can show they have a specific trait that happens to be trending at the moment, if it is her thing, let it be, if he really doesn't like this kind of behaviour, he can always find some other girl that fits better to his tastes.


See, that's what _I_ thought.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

I've been with my husband for 13 years. I was VERY insecure when I was young about my attractiveness. 
He didn't tell me what to do or what to wear. I cringe thinking back to what I did wear.

What he DID do, was everyday tell me I was beautiful and the parts of me he found attractive. Physical and intellectually. If you're going to help her with her insecurities, I suggest doing a time based approach. Small, daily, affirmations. Be sincere, be patient.


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## Conterphobia (Apr 11, 2013)

LMAO at thread title. Errr... I've been listening to gangster rap too much, Just ignore me, I'm an idiot.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Nein. said:


> She is actually insecure about the pads, she won't let him touch or see _the pads_.
> 
> Basically, she likes the way she looks when wearing them, she just doesn't want people pointing out, noticing or commenting about them. It doesn't seem to be much of a big deal or she would try something more drastic such as implants or bodybuilding, and even though this alternatives are more harmful and invasive, they would be taken more lightly in social judgement. She just wants her ass to look nice in some jeans, it's not different from a push up bra, tanning or dyeing her hair. People can do way more harmful things in the name of a beauty ideal. Some people feel more comfortable when they can show they have a specific trait that happens to be trending at the moment, if it is her thing, let it be, if he really doesn't like this kind of behaviour, he can always find some other girl that fits better to his tastes.


Sorry, I misread that part. Thought she didn't want him to touch her butt without the pads. Still, she's insecure about it, because if she wasn't, she wouldn't have a problem with him noticing her pads. It's like she's trying to deny their existence by not allowing others to acknowledge that she wears pads. 
Maybe she doesn't know that she can build the ass she wants with exercise, maybe she's one of these women who think they'll become manly if they go to the gym. The OP doesn't like that behavior because he sees that she is insecure about it and she doesn't love herself like he does (besides her looking weird). So, I don't think it's a trend really.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

emberfly said:


> So what should he do?


I said in the previous post about how he can help by showing that he likes her butt, with mostly touching and playing and stuff.


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## 66393 (Oct 17, 2013)

Does everyone who's saying, "it's her body, you can't dictate what she wears," realize that OP only asked how to bring it up without hurting his gf's feelings. OP sounds like a gentlemen. He is not allowed to dictate what his gf wears, but he surely can be vocal about his opinion. It's a relationship. People always are so quick to jump to what seems to be the moral high-ground for the sake of looking good publicly.



He's a Superhero! said:


> Why do some people post deeply personal things about their SO in public forums that the other person may find embarrassing if everybody heard about it?


For the purpose of procuring advice while preserving the anonymity and dignity of their S.O. I thought this to be axiomatic.



emberfly said:


> So what should he do?


Tell her _the pads_ are stupid.


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## Nein (Oct 15, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> Sorry, I misread that part. Thought she didn't want him to touch her butt without the pads. Still, she's insecure about it, because if she wasn't, she wouldn't have a problem with him noticing her pads. It's like she's trying to deny their existence by not allowing others to acknowledge that she wears pads.
> Maybe she doesn't know that she can build the ass she wants with exercise, maybe she's one of these women who think they'll become manly if they go to the gym. The OP doesn't like that behavior because he sees that she is insecure about it and she doesn't love herself like he does (besides her looking weird). So, I don't think it's a trend really.


Maybe she just wants people to see the end product without questioning the means to it, much like using skin treatment masks, it's not something publicly done, but doesn't necessarily indicates insecurity. She was probably hoping nobody would wonder how her ass got 10 extra centimeters in diameter overnight.

Actually, I wonder how he brough up the subject, since he already tried to talk about it. I'm not sure there is much of a way of doing so ("I've noticed you're wearing butt pads... you know... I like you better without them. Nudge nudge."?). If she is not comfortable with the subject, there is not much he can do anyway. If she is not hiding from him, it can't be much of a severe problem, she is just wearing an extra piece of clothing that she will eventually notice is unnecessary and of dubious taste. Touching and playing with her butt is definitely something he should do, though, regardless of her insecurity about it.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Call her a freak.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Nein. said:


> Maybe she just wants people to see the end product without questioning the means to it, much like using skin treatment masks, it's not something publicly done, but doesn't necessarily indicates insecurity. She was probably hoping nobody would wonder how her ass got 10 extra centimeters in diameter overnight.
> 
> Actually, I wonder how he brough up the subject, since he already tried to talk about it. I'm not sure there is much of a way of doing so ("I've noticed you're wearing butt pads... you know... I like you better without them. Nudge nudge."?). If she is not comfortable with the subject, there is not much he can do anyway. If she is not hiding from him, it can't be much of a severe problem, she is just wearing an extra piece of clothing that she will eventually notice is unnecessary and of dubious taste. Touching and playing with her butt is definitely something he should do, though, regardless of her insecurity about it.


But we are not talking about "people", but her boyfriend who sees and touches her and knows her anyway. And the way she avoids the topic and his touch when she wears the pads could mean that she is ashamed of all this, but doesn't know how else to act, which is where his support should focus. If you read the OP again, he mentions that she sways her opinions a lot for the sake of others, can't say no and is generally insecure. It's a larger issue that goes way beyond doing something trendy.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

sharlzkidarlz said:


> If you girlfriend wants to wear those pads then it is completely 100% up to her because it is her body. You can't dictate what she can and can't wear, no matter what you think about it.


That's not how relationships work. If she's alone, it's 100% up to her. If she is in a relationship, the boyfriend's opinions do matter. Just as a girlfriend comments on her guy's appearance and some men change how they dress because of what their girlfriends say. As a couple, the least they can do is have respectful conversations about such things, it doesn't mean one side gets to "dictate" things...


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## Nein (Oct 15, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> But we are not talking about "people", but her boyfriend who sees and touches her and knows her anyway. And the way she avoids the topic and his touch when she wears the pads could mean that she is ashamed of all this, but doesn't know how else to act, which is where his support should focus. If you read the OP again, he mentions that she sways her opinions a lot for the sake of others, can't say no and is generally insecure. It's a larger issue that goes way beyond doing something trendy.


I may have a distorted view of one's need of approval and the feeling of fitting in, or whatever it is, but I have this habit of relating the whole act of following trends with a lack of personal opinion and general insecurity. However, if her character is the issue, this is not about butt pads and he shouldn't really focus on this particular issue, because these episodes will be recurrent. She needs professional help. 
Or this is just how she is and it isn't fixable, because it's not really a problem.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

coy said:


> For the purpose of procuring advice while preserving the anonymity and dignity of their S.O. I thought this to be axiomatic.


Despite leaving out her name, it is still revealing - not to mention if anyone on this forum knows them in real life, which isn't all that unlikely (I know someone here in real life for example). If I was in her shoes I wouldn't be happy about this, and would have wondered why he just didn't tell me how he felt in the first place.


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