# Is this a bad attitude or am I justified?



## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Lots of people say I have a bad attitude but it's really everybody else's fault for not including me. Here's some examples of when people may say I have a bad attitude:

In my speech class, I knew there were a lot of drug users in my class so I gave a speech on the evils of drugs and how harsher punishments are needed for users, and I wish I knew some drug dealers so I could call the cops on them when they are trying to sell drugs and get them sent to prison. 
I daydream about calling the cops on a loud teen party with drugs and alcohol so that they would all get in trouble because I never got to go to a party like that so they shouldn't be able to enjoy it. 
Nobody ever talks to me so I never talk to them. 
I cry in public when I can to make everybody uncomfortable and hope someone tells me to stop so I can freak out on them. 
I like starting arguments.

So is that a bad attitude? If people were nice to me I wouldn't be like this, so isn't it really their fault?


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## Lord Fudgingsley (Mar 3, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> Lots of people say I have a bad attitude but it's really everybody else's fault for not including me. Here's some examples of when people may say I have a bad attitude:
> 
> In my speech class, I knew there were a lot of drug users in my class so I gave a speech on the evils of drugs and how harsher punishments are needed for users, and I wish I knew some drug dealers so I could call the cops on them when they are trying to sell drugs and get them sent to prison.
> I daydream about calling the cops on a loud teen party with drugs and alcohol so that they would all get in trouble because I never got to go to a party like that so they shouldn't be able to enjoy it.
> ...


Undoubtedly yes. Whether it's justified or not is a matter of interpretation, but it's a bad attitude nevertheless. Your behaviour sounds borderline "villainous", akin to that of an Anti-Villain.

What brings this kind of attitude out in a person? Why would you become this way? You're wounded, no doubt about it. I'd like to know more.


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## Blazkovitz (Mar 16, 2014)

JTHearts said:


> Lots of people say I have a bad attitude but it's really everybody else's fault for not including me. Here's some examples of when people may say I have a bad attitude:
> 
> In my speech class, I knew there were a lot of drug users in my class so I gave a speech on the evils of drugs and how harsher punishments are needed for users, and I wish I knew some drug dealers so I could call the cops on them when they are trying to sell drugs and get them sent to prison.
> I daydream about calling the cops on a loud teen party with drugs and alcohol so that they would all get in trouble because I never got to go to a party like that so they shouldn't be able to enjoy it.
> ...


It is Taliban-Inquisitor style bad attitude to be precise. You should research the Enneagram, you may be an unhealthy type 1. I used to be quite like you, but I've developed my tolerance.

To begin with, you can ask yourself what to do in order to get invited to parties.


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## Hurricane Matthew (Nov 9, 2012)

You sound like a selfish attention whore. Grow up. You're resentful, bitter and intentionally make people uncomfortable in public, then wonder why nobody talks to you? Come onnnnn. There's nothing to blame other people about here. They all have their own lives to deal with and newsflash, but you aren't the center of the universe and they have no obligation to invite you to their parties or talk to you or any of that stuff, so I don't understand why you're expecting them to. The only person who is ever responsible for your attitude is _you_. As long as you blame others for your miseries, you'll never be able to find the real problems within yourself so you'll end up never fixing them and nothing will ever change. You can't change other people, but you can change _yourself_.


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

Is this a joke?


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## Maedalaane (Jan 20, 2015)

You could really use a blunt, dude.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

@An Obese Skeleton Sure, what more would you like to know?
@Blazkovitz I'm actually pretty sure I'm a level 7/8 type 4, but I don't know 100% so maybe I am a type 1.
@Matvey I know I'm a selfish attention whore.
@Glory Nope, not a joke, but I do have trouble explaining my feelings a lot of the time, so if it sounds near incomprehensible that's why.
@Faey I don't think it would help.


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## Maedalaane (Jan 20, 2015)

You don't think it would because you're against it, aren't you?


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

I think this is a joke.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Faey said:


> You don't think it would because you're against it, aren't you?


I'm only against it because I've been left out of it


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## Maedalaane (Jan 20, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> I'm only against it because I've been left out of it


Time to reconcile with fellow peers whom smoke! Just don't do the hard stuff. That shit will kill ya.


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

Well if you're trying to screw them over you're gunna keep being left out.


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## Lord Fudgingsley (Mar 3, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> @_An Obese Skeleton_ Sure, what more would you like to know?
> @_Blazkovitz_ I'm actually pretty sure I'm a level 7/8 type 4, but I don't know 100% so maybe I am a type 1.
> @_Matvey_ I know I'm a selfish attention whore.
> @_Glory_ Nope, not a joke, but I do have trouble explaining my feelings a lot of the time, so if it sounds near incomprehensible that's why.
> @_Faey_ I don't think it would help.


Actually, I've changed my mind. You're getting nowhere by simply complaining.

I've been in your position before. I had no friends, because I was an annoying person who spoke about nothing other than fantasy-based ideas that nobody else was interested in hearing. And if you're disagreeing with all those around you, why should they be dealing with you? You should learn to hear what they have to say; learn their side of the story. See what things are really about.

I actually pursued typology for this very reason; it made for a system through which I could understand how others worked. And yeah, I have Asperger's Syndrome.

By the way, don't listen to anyone who tells you to "be yourself." Right now, you're in no position to voice self-expression of any kind. You're heavily outnumbered, and all you're in a position to do now is surrender. You'd better follow the crowd, as best as you possibly can. I'll bid you good luck; if you've the right attitude, you'll be able to do it. It takes, very often, years.


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## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

Yeah, totally not your fault brah. 

I mean being a little shit to people will like totally fix your problems. Totally. 

You are 100% not the problem!!



Lol.

Edit: Ohh you were not joking. Well, you know the thing about assholes is if you meet one asshole, then that guy was an asshole. But if everyone you meet are assholes, then it is really very likely that it's _you _who's the asshole. It's quite simple really, pleasant people get pleasant reactions. Unpleasant people don't.


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

Seek therapy; you desperately need to find someone to listen to you and understand how alienated you feel. The obvious problem is not other people but your attitude but simply telling you that is overly simplistic; so you need to understand what happened to you in your life to make you feel that way and understand how you are continuing by your negativistic behaviour, to having rejection be an ongoing self-fulfilling prophecy.


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## Modal Soul (Jun 16, 2013)

i am torn between wanting to call you a melodramatic little shit and wanting to reach out and help you


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

Tolerance goes a long way, having strong personal morals is important but forcing them upon others and making broad assumptions will only make the situation worse. Live and let live, as long as they aren't harming you, you can despise their life choices but it's not your place to change them. I'd rather judge a person's character, not the shallow stereotypes associated to them.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Chesire Tower said:


> Seek therapy; you desperately need to find someone to listen to you and understand how alienated you feel. The obvious problem is not other people but your attitude but simply telling you that is overly simplistic; so you need to understand what happened to you in your life to make you feel that way and understand how you are continuing by your negativistic behaviour, to having rejection be an ongoing self-fulfilling prophecy.


I am in therapy, but I don't know how to explain these feelings well. It seems like my therapist is more concerned about how school is going and if I'm feeling suicidal than any of this stuff.


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> I am in therapy, but I don't know how to explain these feelings well. It seems like my therapist is more concerned about how school is going and if I'm feeling suicidal than any of this stuff.


You need to tell her about your concerns and if she isn't responsive, you might need to find a new therapist.


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## Grandalf (Jun 7, 2014)

Matvey said:


> You sound like a selfish attention whore. Grow up. You're resentful, bitter and intentionally make people uncomfortable in public, then wonder why nobody talks to you? Come onnnnn. There's nothing to blame other people about here. They all have their own lives to deal with and newsflash, but you aren't the center of the universe and they have no obligation to invite you to their parties or talk to you or any of that stuff, so I don't understand why you're expecting them to. The only person who is ever responsible for your attitude is _you_. As long as you blame others for your miseries, you'll never be able to find the real problems within yourself so you'll end up never fixing them and nothing will ever change. You can't change other people, but you can change _yourself_.


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## Sabrah (Aug 6, 2013)

> You're very unhealthy, in fact its mentalities like this that cause people like Elliot Rodger to lash out. You feel good about reeking negativity and havoc upon other people and that makes you a threat to society. You probably think that's a compliment because you think it gives you some kind of control over the population but this song and dance has been told many times before and you won't be seen as the hero or the victim. People don't want to be around people like you so maybe that's why you aren't on anyone's guest list.





Gossip Goat said:


> You may not be violent now, but it seems like your anger can grow to great lengths. I've had thoughts like yours before so I'd be a hypocrite if I just condemned you. You should tell your therapist about this, start out with someone small like "I feel angry or jealous a lot of the times". You seem to be very observant about other people and how they live their lives, do something beneficial with your life without having a "this will show them" mentality. What I mean with this is, if you choose to do something like fitness and you hope to be really big you should not adhere to a "once they see how much I've succeeded then they'll regret not noticing me before". That kind of mentality is only detrimental to you. I keep a journal, which also helps. My response before may have come across as harsh and I'm sorry for that, the last thing I needed when I felt like you was someone telling me how terrible I was.
> 
> Regardless of how your mom raised you, you can still change with time. I'm on the same path.


*Use your brain before typing something like that in the first place.* If you really have had similar experiences to the OP, then YOU of all people should have known better. It looks like you are trying to force your own perception of OP's scenario in order to give advice and not that you are actually attempting to understand him. Regardless of what you are trying to accomplish, your comments have been highly adverse and disgusting.

It is astounding that you would rebuke OP as a violent person when you do not even know him. It is never intelligent to assume things about another person's case based on your own tendencies (turning violent for one). Since you have already demonstrated a complete lack of understanding for OP's case, it goes to show that your comments have been placed with little thought or foresight to what complications/thoughts they would assume from OP. 

I have been his friend for over two years, and I know that he is not a violent person. He desires recognition and definitely does not get as much as he deserves. Bullying has hurt him a lot. He really does not wish for harm on anyone, but needs a way to reconcile the abusive way he has been treated. Saying that he is violent (or will turn violent) is the least intelligent (and constructive) thing I have seen today.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Sabrah said:


> *Use your brain before typing something like that in the first place.* If you really have had similar experiences to the OP, then YOU of all people should have known better. It looks like you are trying to force your own perception of OP's scenario in order to give advice and not that you are actually attempting to understand him. Regardless of what you are trying to accomplish, your contributions to this thread have been adverse and disgusting.


What I said could be perceived as harsh, especially by the OP and others who may also have been offended because they are in a sensitive place. Nonetheless what I said was true, people with that mentality have the potential to become a threat to society and to those they envy and hate. Your attempts to shame me are futile.


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## Sabrah (Aug 6, 2013)

Gossip Goat said:


> What I said could be perceived as harsh, especially by the OP and others who may also have been offended because they are in a sensitive place. Nonetheless what I said was true, people with that mentality have the potential to become a threat to society and to those they envy and hate. Your attempts to shame me are futile.


Shame. Self-discernment is a practice that will carry you far in life.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

JTHearts said:


> yeah it's clearly all my fault that I was tormented by my peers as a child and get left out of everything.


Everyone has their problems. I was tormented by my peers and left out of a lot of things growing up, but it didn't leave me bitter. It left me to learn how to adapt. 

I would suggest counseling, if anything. Your mentality will destroy you, and if you care about yourself, do something about it. Being angry at others for the problems you face now only hurts you. It doesn't hurt those who have hurt you.


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

Bad attitude, yes. Justified, yes, to an extent. It's up to you to learn to accept yourself and work with other people. It's good to spend time with people and to remind yourself of people who seem to like you for who you are regardless of what you do and you feel like you can be yourself and laugh. Maybe your parents feel that way? Maybe there's other peers or loving siblings in your life that will spend time with you and can connect? A lot of people feel insecure often or have been picked on...there could be someone out there you can connect with and find a common interest.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

hahahaha, I have to do a speech in my speech class soon (yes I signed up for another speech class) and I'm going to go all anti-drug on them, saying that there need to be harsher punishments for users. The best part is that this is an entirely new group of people! I think my speeches make everyone hate me but they already isolated me before so what the hell should I care?

after that if we have to do another "issue" speech, I'm going to say there needs to be more surveillance cameras everywhere.


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## kiwig0ld (Nov 7, 2010)

JTHearts said:


> after that if we have to do another "issue" speech, I'm going to say there needs to be more surveillance cameras everywhere.


do you really think that or are you trolling your class?


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

kiwig0ld said:


> do you really think that or are you trolling your class?


Oh I believe it, but the reason I chose that for a speech instead of something I agree with the majority on is because I want them to know that I like the things they dislike. 

More surveillance means more protection and guards against terrorism.


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## kiwig0ld (Nov 7, 2010)

@JTHearts where do you suggest they put the surveillance?


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Justified? According to whom? No one deserves anything and the world is inherently unfair, so don't worry about whether or not it's "justified," worry about whether or not it's helping you get to wherever you want to be. If you want my take (and I'll assume you do since you are asking..), you're embarrassing yourself and your actions will cause your existing problems to worsen. No one owes you anything, and they're not going to be feeling anymore generous if you act like an ass around them.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

kiwig0ld said:


> @_JTHearts_ where do you suggest they put the surveillance?


Phone calls, text messages, internet activity, every street corner (with facial recognition) and monitor the movement of cars.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

JTHearts said:


> hahahaha, I have to do a speech in my speech class soon (yes I signed up for another speech class) and I'm going to go all anti-drug on them, saying that there need to be harsher punishments for users. The best part is that this is an entirely new group of people! I think my speeches make everyone hate me but they already isolated me before so what the hell should I care?


You obviously care, otherwise you wouldn't bother at all. It makes you bitter and resentful that they, for whatever reason, don't like you and instead of accepting that it hurts you, you become self-destructive and do things that will make them dislike you even more. So, you're just going to piss them off a bit, then what? They'll just isolate you more and that will make you even more hurt and bitter in long term. So the only one who loses eventually, is you.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Red Panda said:


> You obviously care, otherwise you wouldn't bother at all. It makes you bitter and resentful that they, for whatever reason, don't like you and instead of accepting that it hurts you, you become self-destructive and do things that will make them dislike you even more. So, you're just going to piss them off a bit, then what? They'll just isolate you more, not caring about you, and that will make you even more hurt and bitter in long term. So the only one who loses eventually, is you.


So I'm supposed to just accept that nobody wants me around and I should be lonely and sad forever?


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

JTHearts said:


> So I'm supposed to just accept that nobody wants me around and I should be lonely and sad forever?


Are you in high school still?
When you have a bad attitude towards others they won't want to be your friends. Why did they isolate you initially?
You won't be alone forever, you can meet people in other places as well. But if you are negatively predisposed then you're not going to attract friends easily, and that feelings you are cultivating by acting vindictively and hateful towards others can take root and you'll forget what it's like to have good thoughts about others. Other posters have said important things, being able to forgive and let go is very important for YOU. 
And you should discuss this with your therapist as well.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Red Panda said:


> Are you in high school still?
> When you have a bad attitude towards others they won't want to be your friends. Why did they isolate you initially?
> You won't be alone forever, you can meet people in other places as well. But if you are negatively predisposed then you're not going to attract friends easily, and that feelings you are cultivating by acting vindictively and hateful towards others can take root and you'll forget what it's like to have good thoughts about others. Other posters have said important things, being able to forgive and let go is very important for YOU.
> And you should discuss this with your therapist as well.


I'm in college but I see people who are negative and hateful and yet they have friends. I don't understand why I can't.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

JTHearts said:


> I'm in college but I see people who are negative and hateful and yet they have friends. I don't understand why I can't.


Maybe their friends aren't that true, but just convenient. Or maybe they have common things they hate, I suppose that's one way to build a friendship... 
My point is, accept that this is the situation now and find a way to grow out of it, find where it is your fault and where it's theirs and fix what you can. Try to look at others in a positive way, find things you like about them. Accept your jealousy and turn it into something productive, like motivation for you to change.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> Lots of people say I have a bad attitude but it's really everybody else's fault for not including me.


 I'm going to assume that this is for real, that you're reaching out for help & I'll do my best not to label you or fall into armchair diagnosis mode. 
IMHO your opening line alluded to the root cause of your situation, that you grew up a social outcast & you're struggling to fit into adult society.
Maybe you suffered a series of traumatic childhood events (school kids pecking order or hateful sibling), a passive response encouraged others. Maybe an increasing number of your peers considered you're weak & you became increasingly isolated as you aged.



JTHearts said:


> In my speech class, I knew there were a lot of drug users in my class so I gave a speech on the evils of drugs and how harsher punishments are needed for users, and I wish I knew some drug dealers so I could call the cops on them when they are trying to sell drugs and get them sent to prison.


IMHO, maybe your motivation is revenge, you'd wish to punish others due to your being an isolated social outcast.
If so, please don't become a police officer because that likely wouldn't end well for you. See: Bruce McKay/Liko Kenney




JTHearts said:


> I daydream about calling the cops on a loud teen party with drugs and alcohol so that they would all get in trouble because I never got to go to a party like that so they shouldn't be able to enjoy it.


Misery loves company? Reminds me of an extreme passive aggressive guy from nearby the town that I grew up in.




JTHearts said:


> I cry in public when I can to make everybody uncomfortable and hope someone tells me to stop so I can freak out on them. I like starting arguments.


Passive aggressive behavior, becoming confrontational & maybe likely to escalate?
I'd guess that you're 20 - 25.
Would you consider seeking professional psychological help before you end up in prison or the cemetery far too soon.



JTHearts said:


> So is that a bad attitude? If people were nice to me I wouldn't be like this, so isn't it really their fault?


IMHO that's likely more than an attitude problem, just saying that I get the impression you grew up increasingly isolated due to being forced into playing the role of social outcast. 
I won't attempt an armchair diagnosis nor suggest a remedy for your behavior. I'd suggest that you'd very likely benefit from professional psychological help & you could learn coping skills to better deal with your issues.


I hope that I wasn't rough on you & wish you good luck sorting out whatever is troubling you.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

@_stargazing grasshopper_ 

I am already getting professional psychological help, but thanks for your advice.

and I'm 18


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> @_stargazing grasshopper_
> 
> I am already getting professional psychological help, but thanks for your advice.
> 
> and I'm 18


Aw crap, I should have read through the thread prior to commenting. Disregard my prior comment.


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## ElliCat (May 4, 2014)

From one former social outcast to another:

*The best revenge is living well.*

I can guarantee that about half of those kids have already lived the best days of their lives. Not necessarily because it's all they're capable of, but because the real world isn't going to play the same games that saw them end up on top, and they miss that feeling. I'm watching a few old schoolmates on Facebook reminiscing about the "good old days" and we haven't even been out of there for 10 years.

Me? I'm on my way up. Had no direction in high school, just dreamed of escape. Took me a few goes but I took a few risks, made some mistakes, and eventually did something right. Of course my self-esteem is still shot to pieces but I'm replacing the cynicism with optimism (or, at the very least, acceptance) and just trying to be patient with myself. When you've had people chipping away at you for years on end - especially during your childhood! - nobody can expect you to undo that damage overnight. 

It's hard to open yourself up to new people after you've been rejected so many times. And you'll probably find that in 10 years' time you'll still be expecting that reaction from people. Half the time I've got no idea why my friends even like me; I consider it an achievement that I can just trust that they do, for whatever crazy reason. But nothing is ever going to change if you don't try something different. If you feel like a walking freakshow, OWN IT. That's how I get by. I'm awkward as hell but I mean well and I let people see that. Maybe it's an E4 thing, I dunno, but they seem to warm to the vulnerability.

Probably your biggest barrier right now is that you see other people as the enemy. Of course they're going to have their shields up when you're running at them begging for a fight. Now I don't know these people, and I'm not exactly humanity's biggest fan, so I'm not going to pretend to know how many of them might treat you well and how many won't. But usually there's at least one or two who are alright. Maybe you won't notice them at first. Maybe they won't seem that interesting, or that friendly. Maybe it's up to you to give them a chance to see that they're different. I don't know. I feel like I probably lost a lot of chances in my university days, because I just tagged along with people who were nice to me, and never actually sought out anyone like a kindred spirit. Now that I get a chance to do it all over again, I'm not letting that happen, and I don't know whether it's the different environment or the different attitude that I have, but I've found a few wonderful individuals. It's scary, but I think that if I can do it, you can too. Just take one step at a time... but make sure you take that first step.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

I think writing a journal would probably be better than writing all my feelings on the internet, but with a journal I can't get input from other people :/


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## Sapere aude (Jan 6, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> I'm in college but I see people who are negative and hateful and yet they have friends. I don't understand why I can't.


Hey, I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. I'd start with trying to not perceive people in such a negative light! I know that can be difficult as the preconception you have of others were given to you by past experiences, however you cant expect to make friends if people get a negative vibe from you. I struggle with issues like this as well and have to work hard not to get too angry when meeting new people as I usually assume the will hurt me or that they will be absolutely horrible. I also encourage you to think about what kind of of people you want to be friends with, as it might make it easier for you to seek out those who you will get along well with. 

Best of luck


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