# What amount of age difference constitutes a "cougar"?



## PianoWizzy (Feb 19, 2011)

A silly question, honestly. Don't get too serious about it. :tongue: I am curious though.


In the two relationships I've been in, both of my boyfriends have been younger than me to a small extent -- the first about 6 months younger, the other currently being 2 years younger. I didn't seek this out... but it's happened. *shrugs*

[A bit of irony because most of my 'crushes' are significantly older than I could hope for :laughing:]


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

hmm, idk.. I'd guess like 9-10-15 and up years older.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Depending on where you are in life. ( stage-development )If you're 40, and he is 30, i wouldn't consider you a cougar. If you're 30, and he's 20, i would think you were. I guess what i'm looking at is the development of a person. 10 years between 30-40, the development of the mind is basically the same. Although him at 20 and you at 30, the stage in development is off, different, so yeah, cougar it would be


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

Half your age + 7 seems like a good equation til around 50 XD

30 -> 22 or younger
40-> 27 or younger
50-> 32 or younger


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm with @Alysaria, that sounds about right, though I don't think the word "cougar" even applies until a woman is 40 or close to it. Over 35 at least, and it denotes a kind of predatory sexual mindset rather than simply ending up in a relationship with a younger man. 

You're seriously concerned about dating a guy two years younger than you? You have to be fucking kidding me. I dated a guy two years younger than me in my teens and never thought twice about it. In my twenties, the first time I went out with a guy five years younger than me, I only even thought about it briefly. It never even became an issue to me until I accidentally got seduced into an on-going affair with someone a good decade younger than me. 

I still don't consider myself a "cougar" nor do I consider men who date women within five years of their own age any sort of sexual predator upon younger women.

Even ten years really isn't that odd, if you think about how common it is for the backwards scenario of a man ten years older than a woman plays out. 

I think a 15-20 year age difference is very significant.


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## Mulberries (Feb 17, 2011)

I don't think there is any age above the age of 16 where 6 months-2 years is significant. 

Personally, the word "cougar" bothers me when it's applied to a relationship scenario. As Fourtines said, I think of a cougar as being a much older woman who seeks out younger men for sex. For example, a mother who sleeps with her son's friends. Or a woman 40+ who goes to nightclubs specifically looking for 21 year old men. The equivalent older male should probably have a name other than "dirty old man" too.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

In fact, like I said, I don't even always gauge "cougar" from age alone. I honestly have a hard time thinking of Demi Moore as a "cougar" because she and Ashton Kutcher were married for six years and together for eight. I mean, that's hardly trolling for sex with lots of hot young men.











This is more of a "cougar" state of mind, IMO 






Young Boys, charming and innocent
Adolescent fun
My toys, spectral virginity
I wanna watch them come
Hey boys, I'm a candybar
A tidbit for your tongue
Those boys with your chastity
I wanna be your very first one

Young boys, dressed up in leatherettes
I wanna make 'em shine
Come down to my special route
Number sixty-nine
My boy, shock me and thrill me
You know what I desire
You're hot, nasty and spicy
You'll have to quench my fire

Chorus :
Young boys, I want you to be my toys
I'm begging you please
Young boys, I'm down on my knees
Young boys, I'll take you to heaven
Boys

Young boys, soft and so kissable
I'm waiting for their touch
They're rough, that's why I like them
I wanna taste their fudge
Horny boys, youthful and healthy
Lovegun never stops
They come, it's unbelievable
Squeeze you till you drop

Young boys, part of a family
It's me that you can trust
Right now, give me physically
A boy to dim my lust
Their dads don't like it
They wan't me to themselves
Sweet boys, tasty and horny
I'll peel away their shell


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## sonicdrink (Aug 11, 2010)

I think it's when you could have a kid that age. (anywhere from about 16+ years younger)


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## PianoWizzy (Feb 19, 2011)

fourtines said:


> You're *seriously concerned* about dating a guy two years younger than you? You have to be fucking kidding me. I dated a guy two years younger than me in my teens and never thought twice about it. In my twenties, the first time I went out with a guy five years younger than me, I only even thought about it briefly. It never even became an issue to me until I accidentally got seduced into an on-going affair with someone a good decade younger than me.


*coughs* I did say it was a silly question and not a real concern, the topic being the result of skipping sleep and wandering thoughts.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

The woman must be at least 40 and the guy at least 8 years younger.


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## imaginelovecreate (May 19, 2011)

I'd say..... 2 years? 


Cc @Nijntje


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## Nijntje (Feb 23, 2012)

hahahaha! nah dont think so, 2 year and I hardly ever notice it, you are after all my equal  I think it needs like 10 years minimum if your into that sort of thing i guess


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

I'm rather annoyed (not to mention a bit creeped out, honestly) by cougars. Or at least, wannabe cougars. I'm a male cashier, so I'm around women every day I'm at work. Well, there are a few older ladies (probably late 40s, or early 50s) who flirt with me while I'm taking care of their orders. Now, I'm 30, so it's not like they're being really creepy by flirting with a teen or something, but it's still weird.

For one, they're either actually old enough to be my mother's age, or they appear to be. For another, I find it highly unlikely that they are actually single. They most likely have been married for years and are simply looking for external validation that they're still attractive or whatever from some source beyond their husband. And obviously, me being a bit younger by comparison, my validation would probably make them feel younger in return.

That said, it annoys the hell out of me. Probably because I'm an INFJ, but whatever. They're trying to play me. To toy with me for their own selfish ends. I hate that. There's nothing "innocent" about flirting with someone else. You're trying to get their hopes up or peak their interest, so WHY THE HELL DO IT WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF IT GOING ANYWHERE?!

*slams head on desk*

The worst part is that I think on some subconscious level, women flirt with anyone they don't find immediately repulsive. I don't know if it's a cultural thing here in the US, where women find out early on that a smile will get you out of a speeding ticket (for example) or whatever, but GAH! I kinda envy people who have Fi over Fe, because I think Fe picks up on this a lot more. Or is more reactive to it or something.

Even when I know one of these cougars, or wannabe cougars, is just toying with me, I can't help but wish it was genuine. Damn empathy overriding logic. Damn heartstrings and emotions trying to override common sense. >_>

Anyway... /end rant.


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

> That said, it annoys the hell out of me. Probably because I'm an INFJ, but whatever. They're trying to play me. To toy with me for their own selfish ends. I hate that. There's nothing "innocent" about flirting with someone else. You're trying to get their hopes up or peak their interest, so WHY THE HELL DO IT WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF IT GOING ANYWHERE?!


why not just 'do and dump'?


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are just naturally and unintentionally flirtatious, or that they're simply being overly friendly and I'm reading too much into it. I'd rather not consider that they actually are looking to have an affair, or a fling (if by chance they aren't in a relationship already, as unlikely as that probably is). They're nice enough people, and I really don't want to think lesser of them.

That, and I'm demi-sexual, so the idea of flings just for the sake of flings isn't my thing anyway. P


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

i would say woman of 30+ combined with being in a different, later life stage, than the guy.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I found this highly relevant picture which is 15-20 years old, and totally cracked me up (I was looking at pictures of boy bands because of that other thread).

This was posted under the caption "This is Real" hahahahahah...


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

GoodOldDreamer said:


> I'm rather annoyed (not to mention a bit creeped out, honestly) by cougars. Or at least, wannabe cougars. I'm a male cashier, so I'm around women every day I'm at work. Well, there are a few older ladies (probably late 40s, or early 50s) who flirt with me while I'm taking care of their orders. Now, I'm 30, so it's not like they're being really creepy by flirting with a teen or something, but it's still weird.
> 
> For one, they're either actually old enough to be my mother's age, or they appear to be. For another, I find it highly unlikely that they are actually single. They most likely have been married for years and are simply looking for external validation that they're still attractive or whatever from some source beyond their husband. And obviously, me being a bit younger by comparison, my validation would probably make them feel younger in return.
> 
> ...


This is funny. You say how much you hate cougars, and here I am thinking you're grossed out by middle aged women who remind you of your mom's age range, but then I get to the bolded...

So then I started thinking to myself...do you prefer older women? Because, like, you aren't as bothered by women your own age group or younger doing the same thing?

I'm puzzled by your post.


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## Runvardh (May 17, 2011)

I think cougar is more a state of mind than an age difference; but I'm the kind of guy who tries to date women up to ten years older than me.


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

I'm bothered by any woman who flirts with me for ulterior motives. It's rare enough that one will show genuine interest in me. Older women in particular seem to flirt as a way to get validation of their youth, or attractiveness, or whatever from someone other than their husbands/partners. Understandable, but still annoying regardless.

I'm really not fond of people who go out of their way to try and lead others on like that. Men or women, honestly. The old guys that keep hitting on the young women at work annoy me too, for the same reasons. It's not gonna go anywhere, so don't bother with it.

As far as that other thing goes with women being old enough to be my mother, that's more of a side note thing. It's difficult not to notice though. Sort of weird and awkward, but whatever. It's not really the deal breaker.


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

fourtines said:


> I found this highly relevant picture which is 15-20 years old, and totally cracked me up (*I was looking at pictures of boy bands because of that other thread*).
> 
> This was posted under the caption "This is Real" hahahahahah...


*B*: So you say heh? XD

But Seriously.. LOLL it took me a full three seconds to notice the cougar in there.. 

bricks were shat.


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## Mountainshepherd (Feb 23, 2012)

I'd give late 30s as a possible entry zone. To really be a cougar they have to prey on young men, so they have to have be old enough that a younger twenty something man feels like young prey. Really cougar is more than age, its the method that makes a cougar, her hunting style.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I agree that it's more of a mindset, and the woman has to be significantly older, like 15+ years.

I know a 55+ INFJ woman married to an INTJ man in his late 30s & she'd be horrified to be called a cougar. She's already very sensitive about their age difference, especially as she had to be convinced to give him a chance to begin with. _He_ doggedly pursued _her_ when he was about 25 & she was about 45. She had _no_ interest in him at first, partly because he was the same age as her son. She turned him down countless times, but he had decided this was woman for him & no one would persuade him that age mattered. They've been married for 10 years now. He looks & acts older & she looks & acts younger....they appear more like 10 years apart than 20. They seem a perfect match emotionally/mentally. I would never insult her by referring to her as a "cougar", especially knowing the story.


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## Scarlet Winter (Oct 25, 2009)

Runvardh said:


> I think cougar is more a state of mind than an age difference; but I'm the kind of guy who tries to date women up to ten years older than me.


I am 38...people mistake me for mid twenties most of the time...I even almost got thrown out of a liquor store the other day because the clerk was not hardly buying it. When I was twelve I looked 20's...I still do...that's looks...personality...same...more experience now...same person. I tend not to see age. That said, I think toying with peoples emotions and or using them is terrible. I have been hit on more by guys in their teens and 20's more than guys my own age. I am flattered but passed realizing most of them just want some fun and I am only interested in something real. That said two boyfriends ago...I was chased hard and succumbed to a 21 yr. old. I may be older...but he was definitely the one who wildly went for me and wouldn't stop 'till he got what he was after. I am now in love with my oldest boyfriend ever he's 42 and like me is very young...when we met we were both concerned that the other might be younger than us...we both wanted stability in a relationship and thought our odds might be better and we may be more on the same page if we were with someone older. We found the best of both in each other. The bottom line is cougar is a horrifying word to me. I am an INFP and absolutely not predatory in any way...I have a much younger best friend who calls me "baby" because everyone always says how sweet and cute I am. Age is numbers...sometimes those numbers give an idea of where a person is at in life...sometimes they don't.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

I agree with the people who say it's more of mindset thing than an age thing: I know one married couple in which the wife died recently, but she was a decade older than her husband. There's actually a cute story behind that:
He was 9 and she was 19, when he came up to her and told her "I'm going to marry you when I grow up!". Well, when she was in her mid twenties she dated guys closer to her age, but none of them ended up interested in her, until she was 26, and he was 16 and he told her all his feelings for her, so they ended up dating and I think they got married when he was around 17 or 18, and she was 28.

Then, I know this other woman who was married once, got divorced and didn't believe she'd ever get married again, but then she met this man, fell in love, and it so happens that he's the same age as her oldest son, but it's funny because she has a lot of energy, and he's kind of more the slow paced type, so they seem more like they'd be closer in age. 

I wouldn't consider either ladies cougars. On the other hand, I knew this other lady who, as soon as her husband divorced her, she started scoping out the young men. She wasn't interested in anyone her age. I think I'd consider her a cougar, because that's all she'd think about, was being with a man, and she wanted a young man. 

The way I see it, if I fall in love, as long as he's over 21 now, and when I get older....the age might change (as long as the age difference isn't so great that people think I'm his mother) I don't let age limit me. I think different people advance in different ways at different ages, so two people of seemingly large age differences might be at the same wavelength in some ways....


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## Runvardh (May 17, 2011)

Elizabeth said:


> I am 38...people mistake me for mid twenties most of the time...I even almost got thrown out of a liquor store the other day because the clerk was not hardly buying it. When I was twelve I looked 20's...I still do...that's looks...personality...same...more experience now...same person. I tend not to see age. That said, I think toying with peoples emotions and or using them is terrible. I have been hit on more by guys in their teens and 20's more than guys my own age. I am flattered but passed realizing most of them just want some fun and I am only interested in something real. That said two boyfriends ago...I was chased hard and succumbed to a 21 yr. old. I may be older...but he was definitely the one who wildly went for me and wouldn't stop 'till he got what he was after. I am now in love with my oldest boyfriend ever he's 42 and like me is very young...when we met we were both concerned that the other might be younger than us...we both wanted stability in a relationship and thought our odds might be better and we may be more on the same page if we were with someone older. We found the best of both in each other. The bottom line is cougar is a horrifying word to me. I am an INFP and absolutely not predatory in any way...I have a much younger best friend who calls me "baby" because everyone always says how sweet and cute I am. Age is numbers...sometimes those numbers give an idea of where a person is at in life...sometimes they don't.


I keep myself open to older women for the same thing the two of you were looking for someone older. It's tough, and the girls right around my age are often in a relationship or just getting out of one.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

I don't believe in using misogynistic terms like "cougar". It objectifies and degrades women. Noone cares if there's a huge age gap when the man is much older than the woman, but if it's the other way around somehow it's a shock and the woman needs some stupid nickname.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> I don't believe in using misogynistic terms like "cougar". It objectifies and degrades women. Noone cares if there's a huge age gap when the man is much older than the woman, but if it's the other way around somehow it's a shock and the woman needs some stupid nickname.


This is a very good point.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

Age of male = X
Age of male's mother = Y
Age of male's female sexual partner = Z

(X+Y)/2 < Z :: cougar


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

PianoWizzy said:


> A silly question, honestly. Don't get too serious about it. :tongue: I am curious though.
> 
> 
> In the two relationships I've been in, both of my boyfriends have been younger than me to a small extent -- the first about 6 months younger, the other currently being 2 years younger. I didn't seek this out... but it's happened. *shrugs*
> ...


Cougars are like women like 35-50's trying to date like men in their early 20's


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## Scarlet Winter (Oct 25, 2009)

skycloud86 said:


> I don't believe in using misogynistic terms like "cougar". It objectifies and degrades women. Noone cares if there's a huge age gap when the man is much older than the woman, but if it's the other way around somehow it's a shock and the woman needs some stupid nickname.


Thank you! If you had waited a decade or more...for the love of your life...and then they arrived and they happened to have arrived on the planet much later than you had...should you walk away from them? Should you be called a predator because of a numerical difference? A different arrival date? A cougar is predator. I agree with skycloud why should anyone with sincere love or seeking sincere love be called a nasty name...cougar...predator...slimebag...over something trivial...petty...we aren't talking dating underage people here...we are talking two grown-ups...do we really want to demean ourselves by being so mentally limited about where love can or should grow? You may as well say people of different cultures shouldn't be allowed to fall in love...ect. It's prejudicial.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Elizabeth said:


> Thank you! If you had waited a decade or more...for the love of your life...and then they arrived and they happened to have arrived on the planet much later than you had...should you walk away from them? Should you be called a predator because of a numerical difference? A different arrival date? A cougar is predator. I agree with skycloud why should anyone with sincere love or seeking sincere love be called a nasty name...cougar...predator...slimebag...over something trivial...petty...we aren't talking dating underage people here...we are talking two grown-ups...do we really want to demean ourselves by being so mentally limited about where love can or should grow? You may as well say people of different cultures shouldn't be allowed to fall in love...ect. It's prejudicial.


To many cougar= predator. To me cougar= more sexually experienced. Seriously, when I get head from a young woman, sometimes they scrape my penis or don't suck hard enough and it's just an awful experience. However, cougars do it just right because they've had more experience. Plus, many are in that age when they are in their prime. I'll fuck a cougar anyday.


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## Scarlet Winter (Oct 25, 2009)

The Great One said:


> To many cougar= predator. To me cougar= more sexually experienced. Seriously, when I get head from a young woman, sometimes they scrape my penis or don't suck hard enough and it's just an awful experience. However, cougars do it just right because they've had more experience. Plus, many are in that age when they are in their prime. I'll fuck a cougar anyday.


From that perspective...I'd just have to say both thank you...and you have a point. Though I could wow the most experianced individual when I was in my early twenties...still...time=experiance and I _am_ better now than then...lol! Talk about tooting your own horn!


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Elizabeth said:


> From that perspective...I'd just have to say both thank you...and you have a point. Though I could wow the most experianced individual when I was in my early twenties...still...time=experiance and I _am_ better now than then...lol! Talk about tooting your own horn!


Seriously though, you show some young women your cock and they think it's a chew toy or something. I might as well have sex with fido for God's sake.


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## Scarlet Winter (Oct 25, 2009)

Slightly different note but...just reading this thread...although it's been relatively mild until the last couple of posts...reminds me of the usual reason older women and younger men typically get together...similar sex drive...young women are usually not as on all the time as young men and women 35 and over hit their peak...some of us are always on...the average guy my age is not ready to go as much. My boyfriend is extreamly athletic...cagefighter...mixed martial arts...his drive is strong like mine so it works...though he's not quite as accesable as often as I'd like...*crossing legs and whimpering*...other than the few guys that never seem to lose it like him...the younger ones are the ones who are our biological equals in drive...The slightest stimulation...physically...verbally...a smell...and I'm feverishly bothered...I think this would be a good time to text my boyfriend and see if he's busy! XD


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Elizabeth said:


> Slightly different note but...just reading this thread...although it's been relatively mild until the last couple of posts...reminds me of the usual reason older women and younger men typically get together...similar sex drive...young women are usually not as on all the time as young men and women 35 and over hit their peak...some of us are always on...the average guy my age is not ready to go as much. My boyfriend is extreamly athletic...cagefighter...mixed martial arts...his drive is strong like mine so it works...though he's not quite as accesable as often as I'd like...*crossing legs and whimpering*...other than the few guys that never seem to lose it like him...the younger ones are the ones who are our biological equals in drive...The slightest stimulation...physically...verbally...a smell...and I'm feverishly bothered...I think this would be a good time to text my boyfriend and see if he's busy! XD


Damn, I think I need a woman right about now. lol


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## Runvardh (May 17, 2011)

EmotionallyTonedGeometry said:


> Age of male = X
> Age of male's mother = Y
> Age of male's female sexual partner = Z
> 
> (X+Y)/2 < Z :: cougar


But 38 and 39 is still sexy....... ;_;


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

EmotionallyTonedGeometry said:


> Age of male = X
> Age of male's mother = Y
> Age of male's female sexual partner = Z
> 
> (X+Y)/2 < Z :: cougar


Yes, but mother's age and appearance may vary.

Some people's moms were 20 when they had them. Others were 35 or 45...

Then again, an 19 year old could have a 50 year old mom who looks like a hot 40, while another 19 year old has a 50 year old mom who looks like she's got a jump on being somebody's babushka.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Runvardh said:


> But 38 and 39 is still sexy....... ;_;


Doesn't matter. His equation is too relative. It's broken.


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## Runvardh (May 17, 2011)

fourtines said:


> Doesn't matter. His equation is too relative. It's broken.


Yeah, like if the guy was born when his mother was still in junior high - that would suck... (mine was 18)


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

I'm using math to demonstrate an issue of awkwardness.

If guy is 20 and his mom is 50, 36 puts the woman's age closer to the mom's than the guy. That, to me, is creepy. 



fourtines said:


> Yes, but mother's age and appearance may vary.
> 
> Some people's moms were 20 when they had them. Others were 35 or 45...
> 
> Then again, an 19 year old could have a 50 year old mom who looks like a hot 40, while another 19 year old has a 50 year old mom who looks like she's got a jump on being somebody's babushka.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

In my case, 41 years old with a 17 year age diffeence is definantly cougar status.


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## Thinker96 (Feb 24, 2010)

If she's old enough to be your mother, she's a cougar.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

EmotionallyTonedGeometry said:


> I'm using math to demonstrate an issue of awkwardness.
> 
> If guy is 20 and his mom is 50, 36 puts the woman's age closer to the mom's than the guy. That, to me, is creepy.


I don't think your equation works in specific reality, though. It's too general. 

If your mom had you when she was 18, and you're 20, your mom is only 38, a "cougar" would be ...29? GTFO.

Srsly, bro, your equation is broken.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Oh here's my favorite "equation" ...when my nephew is 18, my sister will be 34. A "cougar" for my nephew would be a whopping 26 years old.

Your equation is fucking broken.

And let's think about my friend who had her daughter when she was 46. Say her daughter was a son, instead. When her daughter is 20, she'll be 66. 

So a 43 year old man would be a "cougar" if the genders were reversed...but hey, guess what? When it's reversed, most people are only _mildly _bothered by that age difference when it's a 20 year old woman and a 43 year old man, it's still not considered outrageous, even though my friend basically had her daughter at the last possible point. 

But I bet a 43 year old woman with a 20 year old guy is "gross" right?


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

fourtines said:


> I don't think your equation works in specific reality, though. It's too general.
> 
> If your mom had you when she was 18, and you're 20, your mom is only 38, a "cougar" would be ...29? GTFO.
> 
> Srsly, bro, your equation is broken.


That thought of "being" with someone closer to my mother's age than my own makes me throw up a little in my mouth. If you feel comfortable "being" with someone closer to your father's age than your own, that's on you. The equation is fine; the subjective values that it represents are, well, subjective.


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

I don't know what age it starts, but my God, cougars are fun. :wink:

EDIT: I like @Alysaria's equation; makes sense.


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## PianoWizzy (Feb 19, 2011)

I post what I think is a light-hearted stupid question for the sake of humor and people write essays on it. .___.


[lol, chill, forum ^^]


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

fourtines said:


> So a 43 year old man would be a "cougar" if the genders were reversed...but hey, guess what? When it's reversed, most people are only _mildly _bothered by that age difference when it's a 20 year old woman and a 43 year old man, it's still not considered outrageous, even though my friend basically had her daughter at the last possible point.


It's just one more double standard that is forced upon women in this patriarchal world.


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

Please, this is scientific and you must use the correct term for the appropriate age, the cougar is not the only predator out there boys!


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