# Helping heal a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder, Dysthymia, Depression, etc



## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

Dont walk, run. People with the personality disorders can ruin your life til the cows come home.


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## lmaolola (Dec 17, 2012)

Darth Nihilus said:


> Love can't treat mental illnesses. Besides, you're already trying to show her love and acceptance, and she's already shot it down. I have BPD. Get used to that. What I want most in this world is to be loved.


wow, you have BPD nowdays? Geez you've gone from being a sociopathic ESTP to a borderline ENFJ?? What happened? I had a good cry tonight. There was someone on my mind from the States. I need 16 posts to PM you or profile msg u. x


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## lmaolola (Dec 17, 2012)

brittauzenne said:


> Dont walk, run. People with the personality disorders can ruin your life til the cows come home.


True but people with personality disorders attract others with issues into their lives so u were probably already damaged, if u were referring to yourself


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## FreeSpirit (Jun 1, 2011)

@_Mr. Nostalgia_

No one can give you good advice (esp. where love is concerned.) I hate to say
it, but no two situations are the same and no manner of advice can advise
you better than you can yourself step by step through your troubles. No
two people are the same, either. 

I have seen relationships that I thought were stupid, meaningless and destructive 
to the point that I marveled at the idiocy of the people involved and straight up 
gave up on them, turn around and prove me wrong, blossoming into beautiful, 
healthy relationships. I've also seen relationships that looked oh so right turn out 
to be oh so nasty.

You have to struggle blindly through this following only your own rationale and
feelings. Obviously this is already hurting you, but I have not of yet found any
way to live that doesn't hurt. Even peaceful love hurts- eventually you have to
watch your loved one suffer one way or the other and if you are together for 
the rest of your lives, one still dies before the other. You want in or out? Only
you can say. And what to do about the suffering? You would be the highest
authority on that, you're the one with experience in the area- you're the one
who's happiness is involved.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

lmaolola said:


> True but people with personality disorders attract others with issues into their lives so u were probably already damaged, if u were referring to yourself


I was born into the situation. And, I still say run. The minute a sane person figures it out, they likely will anyway. I know few people that want to stick around to be tormented. People with personality disorders are built for it.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

She might need to be the person that runs also. You both seem to be bringing out the worst in each other aswell as her previous relationship with ex. Your behavior, I hate to say could be construed as enabling behavior in which case might be the reason her therapy isn't working as well as it should. Cut off ties so she can use the therapy as her main support mode. This is not healthy for either party.


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## lmaolola (Dec 17, 2012)

brittauzenne said:


> I was born into the situation. And, I still say run. The minute a sane person figures it out, they likely will anyway. I know few people that want to stick around to be tormented. People with personality disorders are built for it.


No one is sane sweet Amy  RIP


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

The radiance and life you saw coming from her is probably the aura of someone with a cluster B personality disorder, or possibly someone with undiagnosed bipolar disorder.

I think BPD is absolutely right, though, with what you describe. People who see themselves as nothing and think their lives have no value are generally Borderline, and that's part of the reason they're so difficult to help. As someone on the bipolar spectrum, I have never once felt this about myself, seriously, in fact I run in the other direction of becoming hypomanic and egocentric, feeling like I have a special purpose or that I am too special to be "held down" by "average people" and their bullshit.

(No I am not a narcissist, I actually score very low on narcissism).

Anyhoo, people who are bipolar - especially milder forms of bipolar like cyclothymia or Bipolar II - tend to radiate this vibe when they are in a hypomanic phase, people who are mildly bipolar are often very productive and charming.

With cluster B personality disorders, such as BPD, Narcissism, and Antisocial personality disorder, as well as Histrionic, these people too give off some kind of impression of being socially special. Antisocials are the most dangerous because they are manipulative and charming, often much more charming and deceptive than "normals." If someone seems too nice or too seductive, beware, they may be trying to rob you blind.

Narcissists also tend to radiate a lot of "specialness" because of their sense of entitlement, and also because they often take great pains with their appearance to make themselves as attractive as possible.

Histrionics have a more empathetic form of this focus on appearance or sexuality (often being overly sexual or giving too much attention to their sexual attractiveness, even in inappropriate situations) and also because their dramatic emotions easily pull other people in, especially probably extroverts with Fi and Fe dom/aux types.

Borderlines are a weird crew because they can be the most boring, empty people on the planet, truly forgettable, because of their lack of sense of self. However, if they have any narcissistic or histrionic features, or co-morbidity with other highly emotionally charged disorders, they would give off a similar radiance to narcissists, histrionics, or people in a manic/hypomanic state of mild bipolar disorder (one of the reasons why BPD is sometimes confused with bipolar is because of this feature, and it's why it's bad to self-diagnose unless you're extremely well educated about personality disorders and mental illness).

This girl does not care about herself, and therefore will never be able to be attracted to you because ...because you like you. And even worse still, you like her. People who hate themselves won't let other people love them.

The best thing to do with this girl is to be her friend and encourage her to get professional help. Trying to date her is absolutely codependent and wrong.

P.S. I think all of these personality disorders (the cluster B) are learned by children as ways to socially adapt by either making themselves as either flashy or as bland as possible in order to cope with child abuse, neglect, or simply a chaotic and confusing time, like death of parental figures, or sudden homelessness (all people with Cluster Bs aren't abused, but sometimes they are exposed to an unfortunate amount of chaos or trauma as children through nobody's fault).

For this reason, some people don't even think a lot of these people are even "sick" and some people are very ...um...functional.

Your friend does not sound functional though. At all.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Mr. Nostalgia said:


> She already sees a therapist, once per week. She'll text me random shit too. Like just now, "I want ice tea". She's very random like that. And at times she uses excuses to see me. When I talk, she listens, even if her reply is just dismissive, she listens, because somehow, even though we've only known each other a short while, I understand her. I read people very well. I understand she wants love, but can't accept it or even truly understand it. That said, until she proves to me to be an immediate thread to her health, I won't do anything. Right now she fills her life up with distractions such as sex, work, etc, and that keeps her alive probably. And I will fill in the gap when she isn't distracted. My main goal here is to just show her the love she's never gotten from anyone, and to ensure she stays alive, even if it drains me of EVERYTHING. You can't cure mental illness with love, but perhaps....it can help. I've only known her a week or so and already I feel I've fallen for her and I don't even know why. I'm not even particularly physically attracted to her, yet I feel enraptured and intoxicated by her.
> 
> As it is, I possibly myself have Borderline Personality Disorder. The symptoms, many of them, seem to fit me, but to a lesser degree. I have anxiety issues but I have NEVER been suicidal. I just seem to understand her on some weird, fundamental level, as if I can read her soul....I can't explain it. I just want to love her even if it drains me.


You sound like a raging codependent with poor boundaries and if she has BPD I would say she has histrionic features.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> I was born into the situation. And, I still say run. The minute a sane person figures it out, they likely will anyway. I know few people that want to stick around to be tormented. People with personality disorders are built for it.


He's not "sane."

He's known this woman for a week and basically wants to be her cuckold, knowing she's in love with her ex and having sex with other men she just met (but not him).

She's definitely histrionic. That's why she's so sexually attractive to him and pulls him in, and also uses sex as a major distraction.

BPD with histrionic features, is what I'd go with. My ex was BPD with narcissistic features. I wonder sometimes if this is just often the difference between men and women with BPD.

Because people with pure BPD are apparently less "sparkling."

I read a book about it and was surprised at the emptiness that pure BPD with no comorbidity has. For example, Theresa Knorr, a severe BPD case who murdered two of her own children, was remembered by neighbors as having no decorations in her house, nothing on the walls, the television was always on, like her external space reflected the emptiness of her internal space.

She may actually be JUST Histrionic and not BPD (he said she's "undiagnosed") ...but I doubt it with her calling herself nothing and no one and shit and all that...those are BPD characteristics.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

lmaolola said:


> No one is sane sweet Amy  RIP


ok


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

fourtines said:


> He's not "sane."
> 
> He's known this woman for a week and basically wants to be her cuckold, knowing she's in love with her ex and having sex with other men she just met (but not him).
> 
> ...


what


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> what


Oh I'm sorry I presumed you were actually educated about personality disorders, given your comment.

NO, he isn't "sane"...I am not saying he's "mentally ill" but his desires are not healthy or normal, they are deeply codependent and show a severe lack of boundaries.

Look up the word "cuckold" if that part wasn't clear.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

fourtines said:


> Oh I'm sorry I presumed you were actually educated about personality disorders, given your comment.
> 
> NO, he isn't "sane"...I am not saying he's "mentally ill" but his desires are not healthy or normal, they are deeply codependent and show a severe lack of boundaries.
> 
> Look up the word "cuckold" if that part wasn't clear.


Lol what the hell are you talking about. I dont think you knew what I was saying and you just started spewing words and are still doing it.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

thegirlcandance said:


> I know this can be hard, especially if you are a very empathic person but you have to keep telling yourself that you cannot help her and you shouldn't help her. She isn't good for you to get involved with -- KNOW that mentally as much as you can. I know it can be really hard, but you need to set boundaries. Don't let her just come into your life and out. It'd probably be best to cut off communication with her because it will only keep you sucked in emotionally. You need to focus on what is best for YOU in this situation.
> 
> As far as where she is, does she currently have a therapist? If not, you may want to try to find a hotline (you can just google online or look in your area -- there are several) or some mental health facility for her to go to. Though it may feel like you're "ratting her out" or that you're intruding in some way, she has shown that she's harmed herself so that does give you (or anyone) to call in for her.
> 
> ...


This isn't about empathy.

Let me explain something.

This man is sexually excited by a woman who does not want him, who not only still loves her ex but has sex with men besides him. Men who want this, in the fetish world, are called "cucks." It's a form of masochism, where they're sexually excited by a woman who will screw anyone else but them.

Furthermore, if he had real empathy for this woman, he'd stop using her severe mental illness and his selfish "help" for her (he won't 'rat her out' to the mental health facilities? why's that? cuz he wants her mentally all to himself so he can be in control of his broken toy?) as a ploy to finally get in her pants.

Codependents can do sinister things; they're usually attracted to people who "need" them and then act like a martyr when it doesn't "help."

In his case I find it particularly disgusting, honestly, because he's known her for an entire week "or so". This isn't a friend he's had for years, this isn't his girlfriend, this is some woman he just met, this shit is fucked up.

Are you guys not reading his posts?


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> Lol what the hell are you talking about. I dont think you knew what I was saying and you just started spewing words and are still doing it.


You're saying he should run because most sane people will anyway. I'm saying his behavior isn't healthy.

Then I went on to talk about the plausible symptoms for personality disorders being displayed here, and since you're apparently totally ignorant, you have no idea why I'm saying these things, yet dare to speak with an authority like "people with personality disorders are built for it."

You apparently don't even know the symptoms of BPD, histrionic, etc.

Furthermore, you have a picture of Amy Winehouse as your avatar, and if that's not a trainwreck BPD case from hell, I don't know what is.

The irony is just too much for me.


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## thegirlcandance (Jul 29, 2009)

fourtines said:


> Are you guys not reading his posts?


Well, yes, actually. And I'm therefore responding in a helpful and non-judgemental manner to the OP. 

Everybody has their own struggles to work through -- on their own time and in their own way. Doesn't do much good to just condemn them and aggravate the situation even more.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

fourtines said:


> You're saying he should run because most sane people will anyway. I'm saying his behavior isn't healthy.
> 
> Then I went on to talk about the plausible symptoms for personality disorders being displayed here, and since you're apparently totally ignorant, you have no idea why I'm saying these things, yet dare to speak with an authority like "people with personality disorders are built for it."
> 
> ...


No honey, we're on two different planes of a conversation. I think youre trying to expound when Im already done.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

thegirlcandance said:


> Well, yes, actually. And I'm therefore responding in a helpful and non-judgemental manner to the OP.
> 
> Everybody has their own struggles to work through -- on their own time and in their own way. Doesn't do much good to just condemn them and aggravate the situation even more.


I disagree. I think it needs to be brought to his attention that what he's doing is sick and controlling. He has a delusion, he wants control of a sick person so he can fulfill his sexual fantasy, and people here are referring to him as "empathetic" or the "sane" person in the situation.

Let's not enable him.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> No honey, we're on two different planes of a conversation. I think youre trying to expound when Im already done.


Alright, I suggest you go do some reading about personality disorders before you attempt to speak with authority again, because so far all I've noticed is you lumping people with "personality disorders" all together as "life ruiners" without even knowing what the fuck you're talking about.

I'm sorry one or both of your parents has a personality disorder, but from an intellectual standpoint, it does not make you an expert, you really should actually learn details about the different personality disorders.


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## thegirlcandance (Jul 29, 2009)

fourtines said:


> I disagree. I think it needs to be brought to his attention that what he's doing is sick and controlling. He has a delusion, he wants control of a sick person so he can fulfill his sexual fantasy, and people here are referring to him as "empathetic" or the "sane" person in the situation.
> 
> Let's not enable him.


Quite frankly, I'm actually seeing that you yourself are representing toxic behavior, which who anyone in the right mind should put up a boundary and dismiss. Which, I therefore am doing now.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

thegirlcandance said:


> Quite frankly, I'm actually seeing that you yourself are representing toxic behavior, which who anyone in the right mind should put up a boundary and dismiss. Which, I therefore am doing now.


Oh really? I'm telling someone what he's doing is sick, having a delusion about a girl he just met who isn't even interested in him, that he wants to "help" her without "ratting her out" to people who could actually help her, because he's so infatuated with her, because this is sexually exciting to him?

That's toxic? 

No. It's not. 

Being "nice" all of the time isn't necessarily the answer. People need to be confronted on their bullshit, and this guy actually has deeply disturbed sexual needs.

You don't see him as the sexual predator he actually is.

I guess it would be clearer to you if she were mentally retarded.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm going to list this out for you guys point for point in case this helps:

1) He doesn't know her. This isn't a good friend, a neighbor or a girlfriend. This is practically a complete stranger.

2) She's made it clear to him that she's not interested in him at all, but in other men.

3) He's made it perfectly clear his interest in her is deeply sexual, that he's infatuated and in limerence.

4) Now he has a "plan" to "help" her without "ratting her out" to the mental health services AS A WAY "IN" (he hopes, that would be a "bonus" he says).

Come on guys, this isn't rocket science.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

fourtines said:


> Alright, I suggest you go do some reading about personality disorders before you attempt to speak with authority again, because so far all I've noticed is you lumping people with "personality disorders" all together as "life ruiners" without even knowing what the fuck you're talking about.
> 
> I'm sorry one or both of your parents has a personality disorder, but from an intellectual standpoint, it does not make you an expert, you really should actually learn details about the different personality disorders.


Lol youre mad because I dont want to expound. Youre odd as hell. I can think whatever I want, say what I want and I dont have to justify it. Im done and Ive been done.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> Lol youre mad because I dont want to expound. Youre odd as hell. I can think whatever I want, say what I want and I dont have to justify it. Im done and Ive been done.


No I am not "mad as hell" but I think you're uneducated about what I'm speaking of and your whole attitude is unnecessary, I mean responding to my original response to you (which contained no malice at all) with "what" shows your maturity level.

Take care, really, have a nice evening, because it's very obvious that you're trying to cover up for the fact that you got caught not knowing what you were talking about.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

fourtines said:


> No I am not "mad as hell" but I think you're uneducated about what I'm speaking of and your whole attitude is unnecessary, I mean responding to my original response to you (which contained no malice at all) with "what" shows your maturity level.
> 
> Take care, really, have a nice evening, because it's very obvious that you're trying to cover up for the fact that you got caught not knowing what you were talking about.


baffled. bye.


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## Dark NiTe (Mar 5, 2012)

This thread has given me great understanding of the train wreck I cut ties with, which was cemented when she told me, with a look of satisfaction/rage, "my boyfriend jumped off a bridge, and tried to commit suicide. I'm not sad anymore, I'm just mad." I always thought she was severely depressed, and that she was a walking example of self-destructive behavior, one emotionally-scarring example at a time, but now it makes sense that she doesn't believe she could ever be loved.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Darth Nihilus said:


> Love can't treat mental illnesses. Besides, you're already trying to show her love and acceptance, and she's already shot it down. I have BPD. Get used to that. What I want most in this world is to be loved. However, I am blind to it. When someone tries to love me, I think they're lying, I think they're trying to use me, I will find every possible way to skew it negatively. She's doing the same thing here. Like me, she's also obsessed with someone bad for her. She would probably chase him to the ends of the Earth, all while he treats her like shit, and use you for every ounce of your love, while giving you shit back for your efforts. It's unintentional, it's not malicious, it just "is". She doesn't think she deserves to be loved. She doesn't trust it. She won't accept it. She will prove it wrong. She will break you, if she has to, to prove it. She will test you every which way; push and pull you. You will fail. You cannot help it. Stick around and push back, and you're giving her the wrong kind of unconditional love, anyway. Excusing her behavior, justifying it, etc. all just help make her sicker. The best you can do is go all out to convince her, that she should seek help. BPD is highly treatable. It isn't a death sentence, if you get help.


Best reply that was given imo. I agree.

@Mr. Nostalgia



> Living with, or being involved with someone with a Borderline Personality Disorder can be an emotional roller coaster. Not only does the BPD individual need professional help, but so does those who love them. If you are in such a relationship, I strongly encourage you to seek help though a qualified Mental Health Professional such as a Licensed Psychologist. Even if the BPD mate does not want to become involved in therapy, it can help you to set boundaries and deal with the reality of the relationship you are in.


I also do not understand why women like this are so damn attractive. (thou @fourtines has said enough to understand why) I sometimes can't help myself and the relationship does burn one up...stuff like this really is like a moth to a flame thinking you can extinguish it, but in the end it will consume you.

I wonder if the attraction stems from also being damaged, I at least am, don't know about you. In my case I may also be attacted to the emotional rollercoaster ride...just beause its there and I like it (a tad bit sick from my part I know).

My policy on this is to stop listening to my heart, start listening to my brain and RUN (for all the resons fourtines mentioned), no matter what I feel (want to help, want for emotional intensity and deranged love). I had to learn, you don't have to, just let her have her treatment and find someone else. *I do NOT recomend staying friends either as it will damage you, since you seem to love her. If that weren't there I would not object.*

If you really love someone, let them go so they can seek help.



fourtines said:


> I'm going to list this out for you guys point for point in case this helps:
> 
> 1) He doesn't know her. This isn't a good friend, a neighbor or a girlfriend. This is practically a complete stranger.
> 
> ...


 I fully agree and sadly know exactly what you are getting at.



brittauzenne said:


> Lol youre mad because I dont want to expound. Youre odd as hell. I can think whatever I want, say what I want and I dont have to justify it. Im done and Ive been done.


That is also true, thou id like to argue in favor of considering all ppl here kind of "off", normal and sane do not exist, its just whoever hides things better. There is something wrong with everybody, some have it worse then others. (personal disagreements aside)


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## zyxwvut (Nov 15, 2010)

Mr. Nostalgia said:


> Long story short: I met a girl off a dating website and we met up. I came off too strong because I had these REALLY strong vibes of like...radiance and life coming off her such as I never felt with anyone else. She only likes me platonically as a result, besides the fact that she "never lets anyone in." She is obsessed with her ex, who basically helped destroy her emotionally and with whom she had an abortion...It's a long story but she still wants him back, thinks of him sexually, even though he was horrible to her and she knows he was.
> 
> The main things is she has variety of mental and emotional issues. She was hospitalized a few years back for hating herself and wanting to kill herself. She's been diagnosed with Major Depression, Dysthymia, Anxiety and Social Phobias with an unconfirmed diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. She doesn't care about herself at all and doesn't see her life as having ANY real value. She thinks she's just a shitstorm and shitty in general, "painfully average" as she put it, and thinks I'm totally crazy for thinking she's special. She thinks I'm wasting my time, that I'm just going to hate her in the end, and feels bad because she feels that wanting to help her or show her love or wanting to heal her is a waste of time because she doesn't want to be helped and because she feels she's beyond being saved.
> 
> ...


Well all I say to you sir is good luck, you are in love with a person that most would see as difficult to handle. When you see the flowing of her hair and the radiance of her eyes piercing your very being, it is hard to manage to get away from such a woman. 

There is no way to have a normal relationship with a woman like this, your relationship will be hard. I found my ex had Borderline and now I think of her as a Phoenix. She burnt me but I couldn't keep from coming back, like the light to the flies. I think this is a naivete on my part, I had no idea how to quit from loving a woman who actually needed my love. I had no idea she didn't accept it.

I suggest you get out now but I know in your heart that you have already fallen for a broken woman, and you want to help her pick the pieces up. Good luck. My only advice is to take it one day at a time, and when you fall down 7 times get up 8.


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## GentlemanKnight (May 21, 2013)

lmaolola said:


> wow, you have BPD nowdays? Geez you've gone from being a sociopathic ESTP to a borderline ENFJ?? What happened? I had a good cry tonight. There was someone on my mind from the States. I need 16 posts to PM you or profile msg u. x



I am sorry to hear of your tears....


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## GentlemanKnight (May 21, 2013)

lmaolola said:


> No one is sane sweet Amy  RIP


Hmm, ponders that one 

Well, if I needed to be on medication I would take it, but after talking to a world Psychiatrist, who I did some charity work for and a psychologist while taking marriage counseling, I was told I was okay (quirks and ALL) and as far as relationship issues, they said I was not the problem....


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## lmaolola (Dec 17, 2012)

GentlemanKnight said:


> Hmm, ponders that one
> 
> Well, if I needed to be on medication I would take it, but after talking to a world Psychiatrist, who I did some charity work for and a psychologist while taking marriage counseling, I was told I was okay (quirks and ALL) and as far as relationship issues, they said I was not the problem....


Sure but you may have just landed in the hands of some empathetic professionals who could see where you were coming from. Or maybe your ex wife was a nut :tongue:


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

@FreeBeer I dont claim the status of being "off" so you can speak for yourself, thank you. And fourtines was trippin, I wasn't the only one who could see that. I take back nothing. Once again, I can say what I want AND, I dont have to be "off" nor do I claim that. I think your problem and fourtines problem is that you aren't seeing the bark for the trees. Im straightforward. Fourtines likes to talk in circles. Of course she would make nothing out of everything I said. I notice that some people here do that but thats not necessarily everyone and its certainly not me. Goodday.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> @FreeBeer I dont claim the status of being "off" so you can speak for yourself, thank you. And fourtines was trippin, I wasn't the only one who could see that. I take back nothing. Once again, I can say what I want AND, I dont have to be "off" nor do I claim that. I think your problem and fourtines problem is that you aren't seeing the bark for the trees. Im straightforward. Fourtines likes to talk in circles. Of course she would make nothing out of everything I said. I notice that some people here do that but thats not necessarily everyone and its certainly not me. Goodday.


I wasn't defending fourtines, she can defend herself just fine, I was just agreeing with most if not all of what she said. Regarding being "off", the only ppl one can consider mentally healthy are newborns. Other people could be considered "normal", but since the term is relative and depends on the definition of normal, which depends on the region one finds themselves in (stuff that is normal in china may not be normal in the US). It depends on what ppl consider normal, what the standard is. Today's society would be considered abnormal compared to 19th century etc.. (i think the general principle is understood).

Similarly according to my own standards fourtines is quite acceptably normal, I'd say it makes her interesting .

In an objective sense everyone has some form of damage or oddity aka is "off", but most of us are considered normal for our region because it doesen't have a significant negative impackt on our surroundings or us.

My problem to be specific is depression (amongst other oddities that make me me), that is constant and mild, meaning I almost didn't notice that I had it for years. This has some consequences, one of them was social anxiety (which I overcame sucessfully), there are other side effects like tendencies towards codependence, low self esteem issues, a sort of needyness and a need for intensity (because I percive most mundane things as painfully boring). I can still function really well and it isn't all that noticable, so i'm considered normal in this sense . 

I studied psychology in university (BA), people there had the same reasoning >) everyone is a potential client.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

FreeBeer said:


> I wasn't defending fourtines, she can defend herself just fine, I was just agreeing with most if not all of what she said. Regarding being "off", the only ppl one can consider mentally healthy are newborns. Other people could be considered "normal", but since the term is relative and depends on the definition of normal, which depends on the region one finds themselves in (stuff that is normal in china may not be normal in the US). It depends on what ppl consider normal, what the standard is. Today's society would be considered abnormal compared to 19th century etc.. (i think the general principle is understood).
> 
> Similarly according to my own standards fourtines is quite acceptably normal, I'd say it makes her interesting .
> 
> ...


Lol doing the same thing...there was nothing left to discuss and yet. Anyway, good for you and your degree but. (nothing left to say, Ive already stated my opinions. Am going to withhold them in order to avoid redundancy unlike some)


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> Lol doing the same thing...there was nothing left to discuss and yet. Anyway, good for you and your degree but. (nothing left to say, Ive already stated my opinions. Am going to withhold them in order to avoid redundancy unlike some)


 that sounded like a T. Might want to check that out. Understood.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

fourtines said:


> I think BPD is absolutely right, though, with what you describe. People who see themselves as nothing and think their lives have no value are generally Borderline, and that's part of the reason they're so difficult to help.
> 
> Borderlines are a weird crew because they can be the most boring, empty people on the planet, truly forgettable, because of their lack of sense of self. However, if they have any narcissistic or histrionic features, or co-morbidity with other highly emotionally charged disorders, they would give off a similar radiance to narcissists, histrionics, or people in a manic/hypomanic state of mild bipolar disorder (one of the reasons why BPD is sometimes confused with bipolar is because of this feature, and it's why it's bad to self-diagnose unless you're extremely well educated about personality disorders and mental illness).
> 
> ...


Some of you people are so judgmental. So people with BPD shouldn't be allowed to have relationships because anyone who is in a relationship would be taking advantage of them? Well who put you in charge of what other consenting adults should be allowed to do? As if anyone is sane. We all have our issues.

I feel like people are so condescending to people with BPD in general. There are all of these websites who basically refer to people with BPD as manipulative parasites who are out to get you and who have no real feelings of their own. As if they're not even human. It's really f*cked up and it makes me question the mental state of people who could speak of other, suffering human beings that way.

And yes, I totally get the thing about "ratting her out" to the mental health authorities because that's what it really is. The mental health system by and large is a f*cked up piece of sh*t that treats people who have a disease as though they are criminals who did something wrong. Especially those with personality disorders. Maybe if people weren't so goddamn condescending about mental illness more people would be likely to seek out treatment. Not to mention "professional help" is often completely worthless. I can honestly say that none of the therapy I've gotten for depression, anxiety, or OCD has done anything to help me and it has often made things worse since it lowered my self-esteem even more. Who wants to be told that the very core of their being is worthless by some entitled assh*le therapist? Especially if you have BPD, when that's the #1 thing that you DON'T want to be told?

Most of all I am disgusted about how you think you know everything. PLENTY of people have low self-esteem and do not have BPD. Most people with anxiety and depression, for a start.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

FreeBeer said:


> that sounded like a T. Might want to check that out. Understood.


a T? explain if you dont mind.


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## Chaerephon (Apr 28, 2013)

Mr. Nostalgia said:


> What can I do?


Advise her to get professional help. If is something that extreme you are in no position to help. You just don't have the same tools as a trained psychologist, psychiatrist or counselor. She is a subject to her emotions at this point and needs a professional to help them get under control.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

brittauzenne said:


> a T? explain if you dont mind.


You are task focused. That is a T specific tendency / preference. I don't know what you based being Fe dom on, but how "feely" one is does not indicate function preference. Also ESFJs are a lot like ENFPs, ESFPs and ENTPs: Get things going catalyst with upbeat energy, enthusiasm, or excitement, which can be contagious etc.

*More specifically they have a relationship focus: *



> I like to be involved and doing something. Much of my day is keeping contact with a lot of people. That's an important part of my life. I enjoy communicating with people, talking, going places and doing things, watching people and learning from watching. Bringing people together is a real pleasure. Sharing and time spent with friends and family, a special person, is very satisfying. I like to think about other people, and find I feel tremendous pleasure in reading them. When I see someone who just doesn't talk, sometimes I feel maybe they're missing something. I don't have trouble revealing what is very close to me, even with a complete stranger if I feel safe. Sharing confidences is a gift. I will anticipate others' needs.
> 
> A perfect day is feeling I've made a difference to someone. No tension, no conflicts, just something I've solved in a way that feels good to the best of the standards I've set for myself.
> 
> ...


*Fe: *


> The process of extraverted Feeling often involves a desire to connect with (or disconnect from) others and is often evidenced by expressions of warmth (or displeasure) and self-disclosure.
> 
> The "social graces," such as being polite, being nice, being friendly, being considerate, and being appropriate, often revolve around the process of extraverted Feeling.
> 
> ...


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

FreeBeer said:


> You are task focused. That is a T specific tendency / preference. I don't know what you based being Fe dom on, but how "feely" one is does not indicate function preference. Also ESFJs are a lot like ENFPs, ESFPs and ENTPs: Get things going catalyst with upbeat energy, enthusiasm, or excitement, which can be contagious etc.
> 
> *More specifically they have a relationship focus: *
> 
> ...


Thats probably because Im an enneagram 3. But I think Im just an esfj who's very comfortable in their ti. I have noticed it. I have taken out time to develop it.


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## SublimeSerendipity (Dec 30, 2010)

thismustbetheplace said:


> Some of you people are so judgmental. So people with BPD shouldn't be allowed to have relationships because anyone who is in a relationship would be taking advantage of them? Well who put you in charge of what other consenting adults should be allowed to do? As if anyone is sane. We all have our issues.
> 
> I feel like people are so condescending to people with BPD in general. There are all of these websites who basically refer to people with BPD as manipulative parasites who are out to get you and who have no real feelings of their own. As if they're not even human. It's really f*cked up and it makes me question the mental state of people who could speak of other, suffering human beings that way.
> 
> ...


Just my two cents...I'm not defending or accusing anyone here because I really can see everyone's POV. But I did see some concerning things in the OPs initial post and in some of his follow-ups that make me think he's also not the healthiest, but attacking him also does little good for his situation. This girl has serious issues and needs help and the most loving thing he can do is try to get her the professional help she needs. 

I agree, there are a lot of quacks in the mental health field. But there are also a lot of very amazing professionals. The problem with the mental health system in America today is that for the most part the people who are most in need of serious mental health services are also the economically disadvantaged ones who cannot get the best services out there. I have an amazing therapist but even on the lowest end of sliding scale it's $125/session and she doesn't take insurance (luckily my insurance is good enough that once I reach my deductible they pay 60%). But even with that I shell out a considerable amount of money each month. 

And while my issues can and do impair me at times (generalized anxiety, PMDD, and unconfirmed dysthymia), it's not to the extent that many of the most troubled individuals out there are dealing with that disable them. And I have access and support to therapy and people that care about me.

And like you I sympathize with this poor girl, because she is obviously suffering through no fault of her own and seeing her as some diseased parasitic human being that doesn't deserve love is cruel and unjustified. I for one have BPD tendencies. Nothing that could ever be diagnosed (I've even asked my therapist about it), but I understand the pain that many BPDs feel.

One thing the OP could do is to try and find a professional skilled in dialectical behavior therapy, as DBT has been proven as the most successful treatment for BPD (any many other disorders like anxiety).


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## Laguna (Mar 21, 2012)

run- as fast as you can and don't look back


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