# Sex after/before marriage personality correlation



## Rogue Eagle (Oct 14, 2009)

INFP, used to be A. Clearly see advantages to B.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

ISPF definitely a B.


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

ISFP 4w3 Mixed.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

SlowPoke68 said:


> ENTP, Type B who started out trying to act like a Type A without really believing it but has been rapidly making up for lost time in the last 10 years or so.
> 
> I regret overthinking it early in life.
> 
> I think if you have the natural libido that makes you burn with desire (concupiscent is what they used to call it) you need to just roll with it and live your life. That doesn't mean you screw everything that moves, but don't try to think of it as a "destination" like the OP put it so well. That turns it into a "thing" that magnifies its importance beyond all reason.


this is what i'm trying to get some people to avoid when they so blindly walk the path of a type A person but are actually type B. it's like watching a straight guy trying to be gay.

I know for a fact that they will not be able to fool themselves forever and I would hate to see them feel like they wasted many years of their life sexually.

of course when a person is a TRUE type A person, I respect them fully and never look down upon them.


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

INTJ. 6. Type A


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## xezene (Aug 7, 2010)

INFP. Type A, simply because it is so much more romantic! :tongue:


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

ENTJ 3w4 Type C: Somewhere inbetween A and B.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

xezene said:


> INFP. Type A, simply because it is so much more romantic! :tongue:


Why is it more romantic though? Why can't sex be romantic without it being considered a big deal?


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

I don't understand that myself


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## xezene (Aug 7, 2010)

OmarFW said:


> Why is it more romantic though? Why can't sex be romantic without it being considered a big deal?


Personally, it would mean so much more to me if I had trust and considerable emotion invested. But that's just me...I suppose Type B would be alright, but in my mind Type A would represent more than just sleeping with someone, you know? Being with your friend, versus being with a stranger. But it does vary from person to person.


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## spook (Dec 16, 2009)

sprinkles said:


> INTJ? Mostly type A.
> 
> It doesn't have to be marriage officially but I'd rather it be in a committed relationship of some kind. Though I don't consider it a goal to be reached. More of an additional benefit.
> 
> But then again I am monogamous and prefer life relationships. Which is the main reason I am single.





Kitten said:


> Also, once I have sex, I know it's going to affect me emotionally in more ways than one - not just feeling good, but even long after it happens, I'm going to be thinking about it. It's like opening up my whole heart... and if I were to do that with multiple people, I suppose I'd feel like I was drowning. =\


Yups.

INFJ Type A, I get type B people though. It's less of a moral issue and mostly bc I am sensitive/reserved and view sex as having too many vulnerable emotions involved.. I don't want to put myself in a situation where I could get emotionally attached and the other guy will not want anything to do with me by the morning. I also wouldn't want to have sex with someone unless I had serious feelings for them and these feelings usually only develop if interest is reciprocated with a compatible attitude. It's equivalent to opening up personality wise, I would need to be sure that person is going to commit or else sharing my mind and body seems like a waste of time. I definitely see how the security of long term investment factors into this for me.


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## teddy564339 (Jun 23, 2010)

ISFJ, 6. Which of the two would you imagine I am? 


Definitely a type A. Honestly, even though I'm sure somewhere out there, there must be some type B ISFJ's...but other than maybe ISTJ, is there any type out of the 16 who's more likely to be an A besides ISFJ? 

On the other hand, we're also probably the most likely type to be guilted into having sex when we don't want to.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

spook said:


> INFJ Type A, I get type B people though. It's less of a moral issue and mostly bc I am sensitive/reserved and view sex as having too many vulnerable emotions involved.. I don't want to put myself in a situation where I could get emotionally attached and the other guy will not want anything to do with me by the morning. It's equivalent to opening up personality wise, I would need to be sure that person is going to commit or else sharing my mind and body seems like a waste of time. I definitely see how the security of long term investment factors into this for me.


I get both types too, I used to be more of a combination of A and B, but was never a moral thing for me and I used to be sensitive/reserved but I've completely been able to separate the sex and love most of my life let alone now. I never wanted to wait till marriage for a few reasons and morals had nothing to do with it lol. As far as one nighters, as long as everyone is up front about their intentions and completely honest things are usually ok. I found that it's when there is deception, like if they guy talks or acts as if he wants a relationship to get you there and then when you're done, he's done and you're left picking up the pieces.

Long term investment has been on and off for me as far as importance, like if I was interested in more than just sex then it's quite different than something with someone I just fancy for a short while and would rather we both move on after. It took a bit of deliberate and not-so-deliberate hardening of my inner core to be the way I am now, but I think I'm in a good place to be right now and am able to handle it easily enough these days. I'm not willing to put myself in the kind of situation that makes me emotionally vulnerable, but I'm not willing to be celibate either


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## spook (Dec 16, 2009)

Hahah yeah I get what you're saying and I agree with being upfront about intentions. Some type A people peg type Bs as all having low standards or self-esteem but I disagree, they're just not wanting the same things out of a relationship atm. Some people view sexual compatibility as a very important part of a long term relationship, with more nuanced preferences, and they won't know if that person meets those needs unless they are out there experimenting. 

As for remaining celibate, I wouldn't say my sex drive is really low, I just don't need that gratification from other people as it just tends to complicate things... kind of paranoid about stds too


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

spook said:


> Hahah yeah I get what you're saying and I agree with being upfront about intentions. Some type A people peg type Bs as all having low standards or self-esteem but I disagree, they're just not wanting the same things out of a relationship atm. Some people view sexual compatibility as a very important part of a long term relationship, with more nuanced preferences, and they won't know if that person meets those needs unless they are out there experimenting.


Sexual compatibility is, to me essential unless you are planning on sleeping in separate beds the whole time  That was much more important to me than anything else when I was planning to lose my virginity. There was no way I was gonna wait till it's too late and couldn't do anything about it. That's a shitty reason for a divorce, but then again, only if it's the only thing I suppose. Plus with my warped logic, I wanted to be good and for things to be memorable in a good way on my wedding night/honeymoon, not clumsy and inexperienced and be memorable in a really bad way lol. Nothing to do with self-esteem of morals that's for sure! 



spook said:


> As for remaining celibate, I wouldn't say my sex drive is really low, I just don't need that gratification from other people as it just tends to complicate things... kind of paranoid about stds too


I wish I had been more paranoid about that sort of thing. I think the fearmongering of the 80s must have had either no effect or the very opposite effect, at least on me and those I have been with in my age group and those older that didn't seem to care either

Mine isn't low either but it's not out of control like it used to be like when my emotions got involved. I feel a lot less need now probably because of the fear of being vulnerable again. Not letting things getting complicated takes work though but it's worth it in the end. I occasionally need the gratification and if it's there and available I tend to accept *blush*.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

xezene said:


> Personally, it would mean so much more to me if I had trust and considerable emotion invested. But that's just me...I suppose Type B would be alright, but in my mind Type A would represent more than just sleeping with someone, you know? Being with your friend, versus being with a stranger. But it does vary from person to person.


It seems to me that a lot of Type A people have a negative mental image of what Type B people are like sexually. That they are loose people who sleep around with strangers and don't put any emotion into their sex life.

Are there any type A people who would agree with this? (Not meaning to criticize, just analyzing viewpoints.)


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## mikeus (Aug 11, 2009)

ESTJ - Type A

In my honest opinion, though, sex itself isn't the "finish line." Rather, I believe it's the "prize" you get for crossing the "finish line" that is the Sacrament of marriage.


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## teddy564339 (Jun 23, 2010)

OmarFW said:


> It seems to me that a lot of Type A people have a negative mental image of what Type B people are like sexually. That they are loose people who sleep around with strangers and don't put any emotion into their sex life.
> 
> Are there any type A people who would agree with this? (Not meaning to criticize, just analyzing viewpoints.)


I don't agree with that but I used to. I actually think it's an extremely complex topic, and I want to go into it but I'll try not to derail the thread too much.

First off is the whole way religion plays into it, but I really want to avoid that discussion because that could go on for pages and pages, and that would really be a huge derailing. There's also some political aspects to it too. But like I said, I'm going to ignore that because it just makes everything even more complicated.


I think part of this has to deal with being an SJ, especially an SFJ (though not completely...I know some type B SJ's). It's almost like sex, or really any aspect of physical love, is an extension of the emotional bond. It almost becomes like a symbol, or a tradition...something special to be celebrated. 

I know for me...I wouldn't be comfortable at all with having sex with someone unless there was a really deep emotional bond. Any physical pleasure I get would be neutralized. To me sex is such an intimate thing that it's like putting trust in someone.

I've actually read in some book that this is a typical ISFJ viewpoint of sex...that the emotional bond and trust has to be there first, and then the sex can be enjoyed.


So I think that plays into partly where it comes from...when I was younger, I saw type B people take something that was special to me and treat it like an everyday thing. And that bothered me.



In all fairness, it's not only type A's that would view type B's as negative. Type B's can easily do the same thing with type A's...they can view type A's as prudes, as being uptight, as not living life, as being boring. They may not be as likely to express it, but I know that there are type B's out there that think that. It's impossible to say how evenly proportioned it is between A's and B's, because it may just be that A's are more likely to express their disapproval.

But I bring up the type B thing because I think that also played hugely into my old perception of type B's...it was my own insecurity and hurt. 

Even now, it's hard for me to say that I'm a 27 year old male virgin. I tell almost no one in my life for fear of being made fun or looked down upon. And I felt that all throughout high school and college...I felt bad because I wasn't out there having sex with lots of people because I didn't feel the need to without a real emotional connection. 

So to compensate for that, since I didn't really get support from anywhere else, I developed a mentality that it wasn't me who had the problem. I told myself that at least I didn't have to worry about getting an STD, AIDS, or having a kid. I developed a sense of being holier-than-thou and thinking that my way was better. But in all honesty, it came from a deep down hurt, insecurity, lack of confidence, and a sense that there was something wrong with me, and that no one seemed to understand it or me. It really did cause me a lot of emotional pain and definitely contributed to my lack of self-confidence.


Thankfully, over time I learned to accept this part about me, and have friends who would love me and support me no matter what happened with me relationship-wise or sexually. I think that helped me a lot in taking the time to understand that if I wanted people to accept me for being different, I would have to do the same for them. So I finally understood that people are just being themselves, that as long as they take precautions there was nothing wrong with how they chose to live sexually, and that it was ok for them to be different than me.


So, the biggest thing is just misunderstanding people. I think most A's that would view the B mentality as negative just don't understand it because it's so foreign. And unfortunately, in some cases, they don't bother to, or want to try to understand...they assume that everyone is like them or should be like them. So I think like anything else, be it relationships, religion, politics, or whatnot...it's a matter of using empathy to understand how others are different than you.

And the thing is...I don't want to say a type A person would be more likely to be close-minded and less empathetic...but I feel like there are probably more SJ type A's than SJ type B's, and so it's more likely that an A person would be that way than a type B. 


Again, this is all just me, I know that everyone's different. But that would be my personal, very long answer to your question.


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## Shorttail (Jun 23, 2010)

mikeus said:


> ESTJ - Type A
> 
> In my honest opinion, though, sex itself isn't the "finish line." Rather, I believe it's the "prize" you get for crossing the "finish line" that is the Sacrament of marriage.


You never played any Japanese dating sims did you? ;3


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

great post. I also want to reserve myself for a girl I am actually in love with, though I'm not a full type A person in the sense that I dont want to wait till marriage and I don't see sex as a reward for commitment but more as a tool for connecting with someone and building a commitment.
I can't say I wouldn't enjoy sex without the emotional aspect, but I would have to make some extra effort to do so.

I think type A people usually seem to be more dead set on their standpoint on the matter, so J types definitely seem a reasonable correlation with type A. Type B people seem to be more P types since that standpoint is less constricting and allows for sexual freedom.

besides that, this thread has pretty much proven that there really is no correlation between personality preference and sexual preference. If there is then it is very small. I'd say nurture beats nature in this category.


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## Arachnophobia (Nov 15, 2009)

ENFP, SCUAI, 2w1 or 4w5 or 7w6 or 9w1 in enneagramm. Do I have to pick one? :crazy:

A less extreme type A Id say. I dont see how I could seperate my feelings and personal ethics from sex and I could just be conscious about that and view sex as more than just action & fun, simply to not lie to myself that I could have fulfilling sex without love.


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## wafflecake (Aug 30, 2010)

INtp, Type B, but with a little more investment in the act.


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## G0dzuki (Jun 1, 2010)

INTJ Type B


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## CallSignOWL (Jan 11, 2010)

ISTJ, I'm the type A. I couldn't get involved like that without having feelings for the other person, and I would want to be in a committed relationship. However, I do not view sex outside of marriage as bad. I would not have to be married to have sex. It just has to be with my committed partner. 

OWL


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## Valdyr (May 25, 2010)

INTP 5w4, type B.


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## wiarumas (Aug 27, 2010)

ENTJ. Type C: I'm here to plant my seed to build an empire of my genetic offspring.

Kidding (kind of). Type B probably. I believe in pre-marital sex as well as monogamy.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

ESFP, Type C. :wink: (Which means a mixture)


EDIT:
Awww some people already said Type C. I thought I was clever.


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## stephante (Sep 25, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> So it was brought up on vent at one point and I've been solidifying my theory on why some people think they should save themselves until after marriage and why some don't.
> 
> This doesn't include people who save themselves for religious reasons, since that involves third party influences.
> 
> ...


I'm really glad I tracked down your full original post because neither A or B really describes me, and I was about to hop on a soap box. Because though I waited til marriage to have actual intercourse, I definitely considered marriage to be the starting line.. and therefore sex the starting line? If that makes sense. I elaborated a bit as to the why in a prior post in the ENFP + Casual Sex thread.

Haha. Glad to see you allow some gray in there.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

stephante said:


> I'm really glad I tracked down your full original post because neither A or B really describes me, and I was about to hop on a soap box. Because though I waited til marriage to have actual intercourse, I definitely considered marriage to be the starting line.. and therefore sex the starting line? If that makes sense. I elaborated a bit as to the why in a prior post in the ENFP + Casual Sex thread.
> 
> Haha. Glad to see you allow some gray in there.


There are some things I could add to type A but I think it would make it too specific, such as your case.

I consider this to be a type A scenario because although you see sex as a starting line, it's not the FIRST starting line.

You still placed forming a solid marriage as a priority before forming a solid sexual relationship so I would classify that as Type A.


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## stephante (Sep 25, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> There are some things I could add to type A but I think it would make it too specific, such as your case.
> 
> I consider this to be a type A scenario because although you see sex as a starting line, it's not the FIRST starting line.
> 
> You still placed forming a solid marriage as a priority before forming a solid sexual relationship so I would classify that as Type A.


Fair enough. I definitely see where you are going with this, and I find it very interesting. In the other thread, just the Type A & B descriptions had been posted, and without the context of THIS thread, it threw up some red (or rather very black and white) flags. :laughing:

I just wanted to defend us Type A's a little. Not all of us are doomed to lives of boring prudish sex. :wink:


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

stephante said:


> Fair enough. I definitely see where you are going with this, and I find it very interesting. In the other thread, just the Type A & B descriptions had been posted, and without the context of THIS thread, it threw up some red (or rather very black and white) flags. :laughing:
> 
> I just wanted to defend us Type A's a little. Not all of us are doomed to lives of boring prudish sex. :wink:


Exactly, there is no "right way" of going about things. This is just another battle of opinions, though this one has never really been categorized before so I thought I would do that with this thread.

When it comes to people with one track minds, type B's will always see type A's as boring prudes who don't know what they are missing, and type A's will always see type B's as loose people who don't know how to commit.

The important thing to realize is that what works for someone isn't necessarily going to work for another person.

There are indeed some people living type A lifestyles who probably want to and SHOULD be living type B lifestyles because they are better suited for it but don't anyway (and vice versa), but there isn't much one can do about that.


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## stephante (Sep 25, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> Exactly, there is no "right way" of going about things. This is just another battle of opinions, though this one has never really been categorized before so I thought I would do that with this thread.
> 
> When it comes to people with one track minds, type B's will always see type A's as boring prudes who don't know what they are missing, and type A's will always see type B's as loose people who don't know how to commit.
> 
> ...


I agree. In my personal experience, and I talked about this on the other thread, I quite enjoyed making out with acquaintances and near strangers at parties (obviously, or maybe not obviously, before I started dating my now husband). In a broad sense, that is more Type B behavior, and I had no problem not involving feelings in those scenarios. It was just a thing to do, a way to have fun and meet people, and it never bothered me that those encounters never went any further. 

But sex is on a different level in my mind, a way more serious level. Which is what this is actually about. 

So... You're right. I'm an A. Possibly SHOULD have been living as a B, but it's a different picture now. I definitely enjoy sex for sex, and not just because it's a way of connecting and committing to my hubs. :crazy:


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