# Passive-Aggression in Different Types



## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Passive-aggression irritates me so much.

For example sings that say " Thabk you for bussing your own tables."

I would be less offended by a sign that says " I'm not your mother. Pick your shit up!"


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Fumetsu said:


> Passive-aggression irritates me so much.
> 
> For example sings that say " Thabk you for bussing your own tables."
> 
> I would be less offended by a sign that says " I'm not your mother. Pick your shit up!"


I wouldn't consider that passive-aggressive though.
At a restaurant, it's not always clear if you're meant to leave your plates on the table or let the waiters do it...imo that's the politest way to explain the system...'Bus your own tables' sounds too direct, and your option sounds...well, no one expects a sign to do cleaning)


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Joy In The Dance said:


> I wouldn't consider that passive-aggressive though.
> At a restaurant, it's not always clear if you're meant to leave your plates on the table or let the waiters do it...imo that's the politest way to explain the system...'Bus your own tables' sounds too direct, and your option sounds...well, no one expects a sign to do cleaning)


Yep, I do love direct. 

I have no problem with a sign that says " Please bus your own tables/do not smoke/turn off your cell phone."ect.

But I really hate signs that presumptuously say " thanks for..." To me it sounds like a snotty teenage girl on the interwebs saying " k, thanks."


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Fumetsu said:


> Yep, I do love direct.
> 
> I have no problem with a sign that says " Please bus your own tables/do not smoke/turn off your cell phone."ect.
> 
> But I really hate signs that presumptuously say " thanks for..." To me it sounds like a snotty teenage girl on the interwebs saying " k, thanks."


I don't think it's intended to be passive-aggressive or snarky. When people feel "thanked", or like they have elicited gratitude in someone, they are more likely to do a good deed. A sign that says "thanks for cleaning up" is likelier to actually make someone clean up than a sign that says "please clean up", because the latter feels like an obligation.

Also, "thanks for cleaning up" has the unconscious implication that "everyone else does this and we're grateful, you should do it too", which makes people understand the necessity of the request more. Even if that implication is actually false, it works. In comparison, "please clean up" is like each individual is being preached to, and people are less likely to oblige to an individual request like that.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

People shouldn't feel obligated to clean up after themselves or have consideration for others. It's common decency.

You're about bussing tables though, sometimes they don't make that clear at first, it was a bad example.

But it applies for things not smoking in public, talking on your phone in certain places, or being generally loud and irritating


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Fumetsu said:


> People shouldn't feel obligated to clean up after themselves or have consideration for others. It's common decency.
> 
> You're about bussing tables though, sometimes they don't make that clear at first, it was a bad example.
> 
> But it applies for things not smoking in public, talking on your phone in certain places, or being generally loud and irritating


Not everyone understands or processes "common decency". Signs should be able to reach everyone, which includes those people, and that's why they try to elicit a positive feeling or motivation first.

To you and me it may not be necessary, but some people do need a push in the right direction to start doing decent things. There are more people like that than you may think.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

I don't think I'm prone to passive aggression at all, despite being a 9. I'm much more likely to confront, unless it would be inappropriate or ineffective to do so. I guess I don't really get why so many people seem afraid of conflict or confrontation.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Night Huntress said:


> Not everyone understands or processes "common decency". Signs should be able to reach everyone, which includes those people, and that's why they try to elicit a positive feeling or motivation first.
> 
> To you and me it may not be necessary, but some people do need a push in the right direction to start doing decent things. There are more people like that than you may think.


Heh. I'd like to believe people are better than that, but you're probably right. Hell, if I weren't so prone to ignoring things that piss me off I'd have said so myself.

Have you ever across a place with the "thank you for not..." signs at the exit, but nothing at all the entrance?
I've come across those a lot and they are the ones that really bug me. 

To me, it only seems like a genuine appreciation when you are asked not to do something_ first_ and then thanked after ward.
I feel like when a sign is only at an exit it's just to point out and shame people who didn't follow a rule they weren't aware of.


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## Donovan (Nov 3, 2009)

i don't know that i'd call half the examples in this thread passive aggressive. it seems more like varying forms of showing annoyance or displeasure, that i'm sure would escalate immediately in levels of confrontation if the person on the receiving end saw the behavior and called it. 
i deal with peoples' "displeasure" every day, when they're worn out and irritated, and their behavior tantamount to this thread in general... but then again, "showing annoyance" without fully dealing with the situation--is that the definition of passive aggression, or is it just a person making their own emotional state known, while not exactly looking to have a fully fledged fight with another person? 


to me, passive aggressive behavior is keeping your peace when something makes you angry, and then finding the smallest of reasons to attack someone later in such a way as to 1) show how you feel while letting the dynamics of the situation bind their hands in such a way that they cannot attack back, or are just confused in general by your reaction, and 2) attacking a person with misplaced aggression that has nothing to do with the situation at hand...? 

that's the kind of thing that really bugs me. sarcasm, such as saying _"ohhhhhh, noooooooooooo! thank YOU!"_, honestly just kind of makes me laugh (they're putting themselves in the position of a child, while at the same time thinking they "just got you so good"), or even just being nasty in general, doesn't really phase me that much. because their behavior is still tied to a context that isn't (so they think) hidden. 
if it's important enough to me, i can call them on it and they can't hide from their own actions, because once again, their actions are tied directly to the here-and-now. it only irritates me when they want to use hit-and-run maneuvers, to be aggressive from a relatively safe distance, because they didn't like how a situation went and they know they can't be upfront about it because then they'd have to recognize how their own actions led to their own discomfort.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Oooh! You mean like this one man-child I used to know.

Twenty-five fuckin years old and he acted like a baby. One day he heard me say something he didn't like. So the next day he showed up to our weekly card tournament all depressed and mopey with a bag of Cinnabm and then stood right outside the card star with his arms folded and his head on his chest like a kicked puppy so everyone would feel bad for him.


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## o0india0o (Mar 17, 2015)

Recede said:


> I don't think I'm prone to passive aggression at all, despite being a 9. I'm much more likely to confront, unless it would be inappropriate or ineffective to do so. I guess I don't really get why so many people seem afraid of conflict or confrontation.


That is a good point. When I read about type 9's being passive-aggressive in this post, I was a bit surprised. While I "collect" a lot of type 9 friends (they mesh well with my -at times- more "assertive" and "reactive" nature), none of my type 9 friends tend to be very passive aggressive. I _*have*_ noticed that the 9w1's tend to have more of a propensity towards it (if they have it at all), than the 9w8's.

My husband is a 9w8 like you (though different tritype and instinctual variant stacking) - - & I would not call him passive aggressive in the least. He's a "bottle-and-explode" type 9;; but until the explosion, you cannot really tell anything is bothering him (I don't think he can either). So, there is no passive aggressive behavior.

I see passive aggressiveness as more covert, and less overt - - but that's just me. *shrug*


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

*passive aggressive post*


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## cinnabun (Apr 11, 2011)

I've never really thought about this. I guess, when I am passive-aggressive, I am doing it in a smug way. I think passive-aggressive people are pussies. It's just pathetic, and a way for people who have no balls to try and get their say in. Anytime I catch myself doing it, it's usually to mock people who are being passive-aggressive towards me. It's me saying "Lol at your stupid ass, two can play this game." I just do it to piss them off, and to entertain myself.

The thing about authority, yes. I can get very bitchy and passive-aggressive when I feel confined.


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

Being hostile towards others counts as passive aggression? Because that's what I do the most. As an example, if I am mad at you, instead of confronting you, I will act unfriendly and say spiteful comments here and then or have a bad attitude towards you. I will not pretend I am nice with you, I will squirm in my own bile and hold grudges or resentment. Another example is when I poke others to move or I just stand there with a resting bitch face instead of telling them straight to move. Just general hostility. It's aggressive and a bit hateful, but not very active, gotta admit it. I don't do the proxy thing or the positive one and I am not unaware of it, it can even be seen as strategic as you said it.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

0+n*1 said:


> Being hostile towards others counts as passive aggression? Because that's what I do the most. As an example, if I am mad at you, instead of confronting you, I will act unfriendly and say spiteful comments here and then or have a bad attitude towards you. I will not pretend I am nice with you, I will squirm in my own bile and hold grudges or resentment. Another example is when I poke others to move or I just stand there with a resting bitch face instead of telling them straight to move. Just general hostility. It's aggressive and a bit hateful, but not very active, gotta admit it. I don't do the proxy thing or the positive one and I am not unaware of it, it can even be seen as strategic as you said it.


that's an incredibly petty method of dealing with confrontation or communication errors


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

I'm not passive-aggressive. Why would you even_ think _that? God, it'd be _wonderful_ if you wouldn't. I mean, it doesn't _bother_ me at all, no, I'll just sit here and _take it _I guess.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Kito said:


> I'm not passive-aggressive. Why would you even_ think _that? God, it'd be _wonderful_ if you wouldn't. I mean, it doesn't _bother_ me at all, no,* I'll just sit here and take it I guess.*


well, that sorts out one issue between us :wink:


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> well, that sorts out one issue between us :wink:


Tell me when you sort out the issue of me not wanting to go anywhere near your pasty ass.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Kito said:


> Tell me when you sort out the issue of me not wanting to go anywhere near your pasty ass.


assuming I even took that as an insult (I love my pasty skin :tongue: ), you're like 3X more pasty than I am Mr. British boi :laughing:


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> assuming I even took that as an insult (I love my pasty skin :tongue: ), you're like 3X more pasty than I am Mr. British boi laughing:


Can't help my Scottish ancestry. At least my family didn't fuck off to the colonies. roud:


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