# How do I accept that I'll never have a friend in real life and that I'll never amount



## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

to anything?

Also, how do I accept nihilism? I want to since my future looks bleak since I have to pay off debts and all the hobbies I have have lost their "fun".


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I would say buy a time machine go forward a few years in time and then come back here and realize the best is yet to come.


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## easyvision (Jun 11, 2012)

Vexed said:


> to anything?
> 
> Also, how do I accept nihilism? I want to since my future looks bleak since I have to pay off debts and all the hobbies I have have lost their "fun".


hay hows it going, how about you explain a little bit more about yourself since we're all here to listen and make suggestions, include a personality type if you wish.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

eli5241 said:


> I would say buy a time machine go forward a few years in time and then come back here and realize the best is yet to come.


Someone instilled "positive thinking" in me and now I wonder if that person just lied to me. I see the sarcasm, so I guess the latter half of your comment isn't meant to be taken seroiusly either.


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

What I mean is re-evaluate your situation.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

eli5241 said:


> What I mean is re-evaluate your situation.


Why?
I've already assessed that the world is a screwed up place and people are frequently very selfish and insincere. I used to think otherwise but now I see how it really is.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Once you figure out that life can be viewed as having no meaning, then you can accept that life is simply what you make of it. The art you choose, the faith you choose, the behaviors you choose, etc...

We have habits embedded in emotions and memories too, and that takes work. Sometimes, structuring our environment including people can help out.

However, you can be happy without people in two ways I have found. 1) Find a way to help humanity that you can work on (so that later they'll accept you);... 2) Act as if the world and universe IS a person, that way you can meditate like buddhists and be cool.

Both will help ya, and as you gain a lil confidence or success in that, you'll reach out a bit more to people.

Yeah it comes down to you mostly gotta give love if you wanna get love, but you gotta choose what meaning of life you'd LIKE to believe in first, accept it, and then you can move on to things like accepting that you are unique, though, the unique thing could help you in the short term too, like a bandaid

edit: yeah its hard when you see people giving you advice but really just shitting all over you in the process, but remember man, you seeing and realizing that just means you have wisdom. You got to accept that people often don't have it, which means you either can disregard people, or lead them. People are easily influenced, and as sad as that is because they can do things like judge a book by its cover, it is also a good thing, because for example, people are hardwired to reciprocate smiles...


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I already feel trapped though. I was led to believe I have to attend college, and now I have debt to pay off.
Ive taken classes, changed my attitude, and worked out as I transitioned from high school to college. 4 years and I couldn't deal with it. I don't know what it was, was I meant to be pessimistic? I had an upbeat attitude but people didn't seem to care. I still had no friends despite the effort, I never feigned fake interest and was deemed "unfun" / kill joy. I even took holistic health. Courses at school and after all that, I still can't make friends. People have childhood friends and I can't seem to 'break in', I don't have grown up together ddeal people have. College is almost over for me, still no one. I put in the effort, I get a thank you at the most. I'm the 'nice giy' but I finish last (not even speaking of relationships, but friendships). 



Souled In said:


> Once you figure out that life can be viewed as having no meaning, then you can accept that life is simply what you make of it. The art you choose, the faith you choose, the behaviors you choose, etc...
> 
> We have habits embedded in emotions and memories too, and that takes work. Sometimes, structuring our environment including people can help out.
> 
> ...


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Vexed said:


> I already feel trapped though. I was led to believe I have to attend college, and now I have debt to pay off.
> Ive taken classes, changed my attitude, and worked out as I transitioned from high school to college. 4 years and I couldn't deal with it. I don't know what it was, was I meant to be pessimistic? I had an upbeat attitude but people didn't seem to care. I still had no friends despite the effort, I never feigned fake interest and was deemed "unfun" / kill joy. I even took holistic health. Courses at school and after all that, I still can't make friends. People have childhood friends and I can't seem to 'break in', I don't have grown up together ddeal people have. College is almost over for me, still no one. I put in the effort, I get a thank you at the most. I'm the 'nice giy' but I finish last (not even speaking of relationships, but friendships).


I don't have any friends either bud, but I'm very confident. I could make friends if I started acting more normal, you know, spend a lot of time on looks, mannerisms, video myself speaking and moving, walk around and start with smiling and saying hello to people to build up my confidence etc.. Wait, I DID do all that. I just, am spending a lot of time right now doing what you are doing. I don't have lower than usual confidence like you do right now (though I did before training), but I am spending a lot of time thinking about my heirarchy of values, and my plan for how I want to impact the world (which ends up in more friends- sort of like two birds with one stone).

The cool part about having alone time, is we identify SO strongly with our art, or our perhaps altruistic plan that we come up with, that when we actually start having success (which results in joy and confidence and momentum), then we are more likely to sacrifice some of that joy for the long term plan we have, which might benefit many other people.

In short, this struggle you are going through, raises your chance of being more empathetic, and therefore more altruistic.

One exercise I do is answer questions in my head that people might ask. Eventually, through a lot of heartache, I began to be seen a lot differently than I was, and began becoming successful, but due to my time spend under in depression, my success had to do with being more empathetic, and being a good leader as opposed to someone just "trying to fit in."

Fitting in can be good though too. Video record yourself, shave, spike hair using tea tree pasting cream, get job, workout, find an art to do, i chose guitar and martial arts, and dang man, find some less selfish people to hang out with


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

The unfortunate situation with people (like me, and maybe you?) who have a hard time socializing is, the less you socialize the more inward you become the more convoluted, the more resigned, and the more you crave some sort of human bond. Even though it may be a huge break in habit, try to be the one to initiate conversation, or atleast don't run away from it. Unless I'm guessing at your situation completely wrong.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Souled In said:


> I don't have any friends either bud, but I'm very confident. I could make friends if I started acting more normal, you know, spend a lot of time on looks, mannerisms, video myself speaking and moving, walk around and start with smiling and saying hello to people to build up my confidence etc.. Wait, I DID do all that. I just, am spending a lot of time right now doing what you are doing. I don't have lower than usual confidence like you do right now (though I did before training), but I am spending a lot of time thinking about my heirarchy of values, and my plan for how I want to impact the world (which ends up in more friends- sort of like two birds with one stone).
> 
> The cool part about having alone time, is we identify SO strongly with our art, or our perhaps altruistic plan that we come up with, that when we actually start having success (which results in joy and confidence and momentum), then we are more likely to sacrifice some of that joy for the long term plan we have, which might benefit many other people.
> 
> ...


I've seen you picture in your profile, I don't look half as good.
Ive been altruistic, no one cares that I've held on to their stuff if they left it accidentally, that I open doors for them if their hands are full. I'm already em*pathetic*, and I can sense people think I'm just the bolded. I'm not trying to fit in, there's non of these cliques in college. It's just I can't seem to make friends in school. I try clubs but if I don't attempt to be fake, or conform, I'll feel excluded and if I continue going, I place myself under the "alone in the crowd" feelings. So I ultimately stop going altogether.

I wish I could do martial arts, I didn't get along with most of the people nor connect well, but I enjoyed it. I have a bone disease and if I get any broken bones I'd require an intermedulary rod/surgery. I already have one in my arm and I hear it click so I can't exactly lift weights or do push ups. That's why I'm asking how I can accept being alone. I don't har a decent face, sense some family members are homophobic, and I have the scrawny ectonorph type body. I want to accept that My life in particular will have no meaning.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

eli5241 said:


> The unfortunate situation with people (like me, and maybe you?) who have a hard time socializing is, the less you socialize the more inward you become the more convoluted, the more resigned, and the more you crave some sort of human bond. Even though it may be a huge break in habit, try to be the one to initiate conversation, or atleast don't run away from it. Unless I'm guessing at your situation completely wrong.


Ive socialized, people don't want anything to do with me after summer or winter break hits. I'm just the go-to person for help in classes, I'm used to help people with their work and be sounding boards when they need to vent.

Ive been the one to initiate with an introvert, who happened to make mme more positive and get me out of my slump. And I did become (minus the physical part) like myself back four years ago. But when summer happened, no one seems to contact me at all. Not even the person who gave me hope and reassured me, like Souled In, that things get better. But it hasn't. It's even worse when you try to make plans but the person wants nothing to do with you despite your change. It's my fault for thinking I'd amount to anything. I guess I was fed lies and wasn't really given any empowerment of any sort.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Vexed said:


> I've seen you picture in your profile, I don't look half as good.
> Ive been altruistic, no one cares that I've held on to their stuff if they left it accidentally, that I open doors for them if their hands are full. I'm already em*pathetic*, and I can sense people think I'm just the bolded. I'm not trying to fit in, there's non of these cliques in college. It's just I can't seem to make friends in school. I try clubs but if I don't attempt to be fake, or conform, I'll feel excluded and if I continue going, I place myself under the "alone in the crowd" feelings. So I ultimately stop going altogether.
> 
> I wish I could do martial arts, I didn't get along with most of the people nor connect well, but I enjoyed it. I have a bone disease and if I get any broken bones I'd require an intermedulary rod/surgery. I already have one in my arm and I hear it click so I can't exactly lift weights or do push ups. That's why I'm asking how I can accept being alone. I don't har a decent face, sense some family members are homophobic, and I have the scrawny ectonorph type body. I want to accept that My life in particular will have no meaning.


Don't worry about the workin out, instead you can push for the intelligent or giving type of person. You might want to try older people that are more mature... You can still exercise though for that ripe glow inside your body and out, or meditate. The worst parts of my life I have to do tai chi. The almost worst parts of my life I walk around and smile at people (go to a park, those people are completely different, trust me, college kids are not normal, they are mostly fuck tards  ), but the times when Im just sort of bad, I do exactly what you are doing.

And not having great looks is a huge plus in a way man. Power corrupts. Work on making acceptance your strong suit. There are phobes of anything different, and its going to take a long time for ya to fit in maybe. Thats okay. Get smart, forgive, forgive, forgive, try to stand up for yourself, but...

always have a secret plan to help others. That will give your identity a sense of purpose and confidence, and i think stoicism is the word for how you might feel some days, which i believe sort of relates to nihilism

Good luck friend


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Souled In said:


> Don't worry about the workin out, instead you can push for the intelligent or giving type of person. You might want to try older people that are more mature... You can still exercise though for that ripe glow inside your body and out, or meditate. The worst parts of my life I have to do tai chi. The almost worst parts of my life I walk around and smile at people (go to a park, those people are completely different, trust me, college kids are not normal, they are mostly fuck tards  ), but the times when Im just sort of bad, I do exactly what you are doing.
> 
> And not having great looks is a huge plus in a way man. Power corrupts. Work on making acceptance your strong suit. There are phobes of anything different, and its going to take a long time for ya to fit in maybe. Thats okay. Get smart, forgive, forgive, forgive, try to stand up for yourself, but...
> 
> ...


it must be easy to say looks aren't important when it's not a problem pertaining to yourself.
I did fill the "smart"/giving person, but I feel like I was used. I'm sure they didn't intend that but I'm sure they don't care for me outside of the classroom.
Can you remove quotes?

Theres a user on this site who seems to dislike me for making topics not pertaining to my mbti type.

I find your use of friend sorta patronizing.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Vexed said:


> it must be easy to say looks aren't important when it's not a problem pertaining to yourself.
> I did fill the "smart"/giving person, but I feel like I was used. I'm sure they didn't intend that but I'm sure they don't care for me outside of the classroom.
> Can you remove quotes?
> 
> ...


First of all, deal with it. I have respect for you, and that is all there is to it.

Secondly, yeah it is easy to say looks aren't important. Want to know why? Because I'm not feeling that empathetic. Just because I respect you, and am enjoying this right now, doesn't mean I'm Mother Theresa.

Third, if you let go of your grudge for a second, you can look at the facts. Power without altruism corrupts. Did you know that older white males are the highest suicide group in the United States? Studying, can help you know these things that can easily change your perspective. It isn't just a blessing to "fit in and be happy," and it is obvious why if we can be logical for a second. The happier we are, the more we sit around and "bask" in that happiness. The second you have power, if you haven't accepted your role of humility in this society, you will be JUST as bad as anyone you are now pointing the finger at, though, I realize... that you are also pointing it at yourself, and it might do you some good to point it at other people for now... and that's cool, no worries.

Lastly, yes you are being used. Everyone is being used, as people like fish fly towards shiny bait, and people operate on the pleasure pain principle.

However, there are good baits, and there are bad baits.

There are baits that take years to catch a certain fish.

And we can have many lines in the water.


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## easyvision (Jun 11, 2012)

hay don't want to ramble on about myself but, I saw you mention about "Ive been the one to 
initiate with an introvert" and the other stuff you write, if your suggesting your an introvert I could 
give you a few tips on how to help you be a little more extraverted if you wish, there is nothing wrong 
with being introverted. I've made HUGE progress I had to change for my work otherwise they were
going to fire me, havnt fully changed still hate meaningless small talk but anyway message me 
if you wish. Good luck


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Just realized ur INFJ, please understand I'm INFP, so my advice might not make much sense.. *shrugs  I apologize if that is the case


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## TragicallyHip (Jan 6, 2012)

You sounds depressed. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

Also, keep in mind that people can probably sense if you are doing things just to get them to like you or if you are bitter and negative, those things will be counterproductive if your goal is the form some relationships.

I would concentrate on doing things that make you like you for a while, and try to stop worrying so much about getting other people to like you. 

Good luck...


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I've been bitter after school ended. I tried self help books, one said to list out things about yourself, one positive for a negative. I have three times the amount of negative stuff and I've been down ever since. Not to mention ruminating


TragicallyHip said:


> You sounds depressed. Have you considered seeing a therapist?
> 
> Also, keep in mind that people can probably sense if you are doing things just to get them to like you or if you are bitter and negative, those things will be counterproductive if your goal is the form some relationships.
> 
> ...


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## Anonynony (Jun 24, 2012)

Even though you believe the world is messed up, that doesn't mean you have to be. You can be the person to help shine light on others. You might not become world famous for it or anything, but you should try to help people who really need it. Go to the places, don;t just send money away to a charity, you can probably find friends there too. 
If you WANT friends, then you are going to have to put some effort in. Everyone can find at least one person they an be bffs with, it just might take a while. As long as you don't give up & you put effort into things, you can be extremely happy. Don't let other people put you down or ruin something for you.
Find something you enjoy & don't let anybody tell you it's stupid or what ever.


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## TragicallyHip (Jan 6, 2012)

I find it helpful to try to reframe my thinking. For instance, "All my boyfriend wants to do is get busy!" can just as easily be restated to "My BF thinks I'm so hot, he can't keep his hands off me!"

Be aware too that just as positive feelings/thoughts release feel-good hormones, etc., so do negative ones. Depression can flood the brain with chemicals that become almost addictive and negative thinking patterns start to wear a rut in your brain making it more and more difficult to bump out of.

There is some interesting material about that in the documentary, "what the bleep do we know."

Finally, be aware that letting go of the "victim" status is scary, it can become a huge part of how a person defines himself/herself and staying there feels comfortable and familiar. I know, I've been there. In fact, after years of therapy, my therapist looked at me one day and said, "When are you going to stop being the victim?"

It really really stung, but she was right. I was the only one holding myself there.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Vexed said:


> to anything?
> 
> Also, how do I accept nihilism? I want to since my future looks bleak since I have to pay off debts and all the hobbies I have have lost their "fun".


I'm not exactly sure I would encourage to accept such a defeatist attitude.

I don't really see why you will never have a friend or not amount to everything.

Sure you may have debts, you may not have any friends at the moment.
That you should accept.

I would rather encourage you to ask the questions.
How can I pay down my debts in the most painless way possible?
How can I in the same process get to know potential friends?


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Relax, focus on other things, and you'll find that your productivity is better spent elsewhere. For example, try building a time machine as one of the first posters suggested. I recommend looking into quantum tunneling and Tipler cylinders (although the latter is an older experiment).

When you finish your time machine, make sure to go back and tell Martha Washington that Daniel Custis says 'hi'. You may find Martha's sister Anna a real hoot.


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

Pardon me. You said you've


Vexed said:


> tried self help books


 Have you tried this one? >*Second link.*



Jiktin said:


> If you've got time, read these (if you haven't already):
> Understanding Depression *[Every single link on the left sidebar up to III]*
> http://arseba.org/Library/Psychology%20Complete/Applied%20psychology/ClinicalPsychology/Feeling%20Good%20The%20New%20Mood%20Therapy%20-%20David%20Burns.pdf *[Large file. May take a long time to load. Ignore the cheesy language, author doesn't study literature *(probably)*.]
> *


--

Have you got to time to look in local magazines / newspapers / net for extracurricular activity teams / groups you might be interested in? Those make for regular meet ups with the same people over a span of time. Then just strike up conversations as you will (ask about whatever you find interesting about the person). And ask for emails / phone numbers after a while. 

I know you're probably tired, but keeping up initiative is important. If the people you knew don't warm up to you, there's gotta be a dozen others in your local spots (library / park) who don't know you and might be potentially interested. Chat up a bunch of people over a long period of time, at least one of them's bound to wanna keep coming back to you.

If all else fails, you got relatives in your phone book who aren't completely antisocial & sorta near you? Ask em out to lunch, or just to a skype session w/ an online movie.

I just refuse to believe that there's absolute proof in stuff like this being hopeless. The hell do you find concrete data for that sht?


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Vexed said:


> to anything?
> 
> Also, how do I accept nihilism? I want to since my future looks bleak since I have to pay off debts and all the hobbies I have have lost their "fun".


Meditation, would be my suggestion. The sort where you learn to let go of things and live in the present.

Right now is all that matters... where you have been is irrelevant... where you might go is nothing more than fanciful speculation with no real value.

Right here and right now is all the contentment a person will ever need, because if a person cannot realize it in the present, they'll not realize it no matter what happens. The thrill of any life-victories are surely short-lived, only to be followed by emptiness to those who expected lasting fulfillment from such a gain.

When you want for nothing because you are complete in yourself, that's how you accept life no matter what the circumstances... and nihilism evaporates because that viewpoint is pretending to know future outcomes when you do not know them in actuality... it's a game our mind plays to trick us into deeper depression and apathy.

I am bored, but I don't identify with that boredom too strongly, because that too is a game our mind plays... it goes looking here and there for fun and exciting happenings... things to entertain us so we feel improved... yet if you cultivate that feeling within, regardless of external stimuli, your mind may be bored, but your heart is content... which helps still the mind.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I don't want to put myself in a situation again where I'll have expectations. I hate the feeling of hopefulness.


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## Anonynony (Jun 24, 2012)

don't have expectations, then when ever something good happends you'll be extra happy!


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Vexed said:


> I don't want to put myself in a situation again where I'll have expectations. I hate the feeling of hopefulness.


Yep! Don't do that, I totally agree... holding out false carrots in front of us as ways of motivating behavior just sets a person up for repeat failure if achieving their goal is not as great as they had expected... or if they lack perseverance to achieve a goal... or if they're trying to do something that's beyond them.

Most self-help is risky behavior that doesn't pan out for a majority of people who try it, because it's a philosophy of materialism... "You can have this, if only you do this and work hard!"

Far too often they gloss over the cost of success... and the rosy endings they paint are just materialistically fulfilling... which is to say they'll leave even many who succeed in want for something more.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

FigureSkater said:


> don't have expectations, then when ever something good happends you'll be extra happy!


I'll stop having expectations when I stop breathing


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Actually, I love not knowing what to expect in the future. All sorts of possibilities come to mind, and not all of them are bad. But that's just how my mind works. Someone else's may very well be far more pessimistic and self-defeating. If/when you do feel the need to have expectations, expect both possibilities - the good AND the bad. I always prepare for the worst while hoping for the best, and because of this, I'm able to live life rather happily. I don't really live in the present moment, but having so many backup plans and a wide variety of expectations does a lot to help keep me happy and interested in life.


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## Anonynony (Jun 24, 2012)

Vexed said:


> I'll stop having expectations when I stop breathing


lol ok, so when you sneeze? :tongue:


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

NovaStar said:


> Actually, I love not knowing what to expect in the future. All sorts of possibilities come to mind, and not all of them are bad. But that's just how my mind works. Someone else's may very well be far more pessimistic and self-defeating. If/when you do feel the need to have expectations, expect both possibilities - the good AND the bad. I always prepare for the worst while hoping for the best, and because of this, I'm able to live life rather happily. I don't really live in the present moment, but having so many backup plans and a wide variety of expectations does a lot to help keep me happy and interested in life.


You already know my situation and you listed out things that make me not want to ever attempt to put myself out there for friends or romance.


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## Anonynony (Jun 24, 2012)

Vexed said:


> You already know my situation and you listed out things that make me not want to ever attempt to put myself out there for friends or romance.


 You'll probably not like this, but if you do go into siutations, not knowing what to expect, you can get some great stories to tell. Great stories attract people.


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Vexed said:


> You already know my situation and you listed out things that make me not want to ever attempt to put myself out there for friends or romance.


I don't recall doing that, but then again, I have been known to list the cons first. Actually, I thought that was what you asked. Wait, are you still hung up about that guy? I said if he's not interested, then you should just move on and find something else to do. Worrying about it isn't going to help.

Let's look at the positives this time: 1) you decide your own limits and can do anything you put your mind to (this is the truth for anyone), 2) the world is full of good things - pick up a hobby or go find something to do (like I already suggested), 3) what I see is not the be-all, end-all of everything; I'm not a god, and when you spoke to me, I was thinking negatively because of my own issues (I apologize for that). But as I said before, it's time to pick up the pieces and move on. You don't _have_ to live your life for others; life it for yourself. That was one of the first things the Buddha taught, and it's spot-on in it's accuracy. Maybe you could try it out for yourself? The world is too big and full of things to _not _be happy; sure, I'm as pessimistic and cynical as a lot of people, but does that ever stand in my way of finding the _good _things? Absolutely not. Don't let that self-defeating attitude get in the way.

Find a therapist and get yourself on some sort of medication to help you, if you absolutely need it. Considering how long you've been at this, I actually would suggest seeking professional help.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I wish I didn't care about others, I wish I was a thinker instead of a feeler. 
Therapists cost money and my parents would know, I don't want to give them more problems. I feel like I'm a lost cause, hence why I ask how I can accept, not change. You've said it yourself


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Vexed said:


> I wish I didn't care about others, I wish I was a thinker instead of a feeler.
> Therapists cost money and my parents would know, I don't want to give them more problems. I feel like I'm a lost cause, hence why I ask how I can accept, not change. You've said it yourself


Said what? That you should accept being a 'lost cause'? That makes no sense. I said you should just accept the fact that your crush may not ever return the feelings, and I'm assuming that's what happened - he never got back to you. I _do _remember telling you to find something else to do, something more worthwhile. If it's going out and finding someone else, then do that. I myself would just find something else to do instead. And with the wide variety of choices you have (especially thanks to the internet), why would you limit yourself to worrying about something you can't change?

The only thing you can control is yourself. Use that to put yourself in a situation where you'll be happier. Again, find a hobby - play some video games or read a good book. I recommend the Lord of the Rings trilogy if you're looking for a good set of books you can read for the long-term. If that's not going to help, then the second choice is to accept your SITUATION - not the 'fact' that you'll never have friends or won't amount to anything. That's taking words out of my mouth, by the way. I know for a fact that I told you just to accept that the guy you're obsessing over isn't coming back, so stop worrying about it. If you can't will yourself to stop, you honestly need to get a professional involved - especially since you're still holding onto these self-depreciating thoughts. 

I remember recommending that you talk to an NF for encouragement, since they tend to be better at it than me (when it comes to encouraging more emotional individuals such as yourself), but if you're _still _going on about this, it's time you got a therapist involved. Your family's job is to look out for you, so get them involved - it won't be a problem as long as it's you. Your parents are likely to be understanding, even if confused at first. Just give them a chance first before deciding they're not a potential answer.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I've played video games and read books but after I finish a game or a fictional novel I feel empty and that nothing was really gained, especially after video games.


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## PlushWitch (Oct 28, 2010)

Chaney Weiner @ Love Your Path Show

Not sure if you can access this...but it's free... so maybe you can... You can skip to about 42:22 and listen to it until about 49:45... not sure what comes after that... and I found most of the interview to be a bit boring... but dunno, maybe this piece I suggested could help a bit.


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Vexed said:


> I've played video games and read books but after I finish a game or a fictional novel I feel empty and that nothing was really gained, especially after video games.


Try a video game that's a metaphor for real life. It's why I got attached to Kingdom Hearts. If there was one game (or series of games) that explained my life and the life of everyone around me the best, it would be Kingdom Hearts. I see myself as Axel in all of these, especially 358/2 Days. He does what I would do in just about every situation, and although he cares about his friends, he shows it in a very odd/assertive way. Him chasing Xion in 358/2 Days is most similar to the situation I'm in right now, and Riku fighting his darkness is similar to the INxx I know.

It's especially satisfying when I beat Ansem, because I think of myself defeating the darkness in that INxx's heart. I know I could never do it myself in reality, but all the same, the thought is usually reward enough. I'm doing all that I can to help her, but even if nothing comes out of it, at least I'll know that I tried. That, in and of itself, is enough to keep me going.


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## PlushWitch (Oct 28, 2010)

...oh well... maybe the whole thing might be interesting for you... no idea...

The name of the show as such might be interesting as well. :wink:


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I just don't see the point in life, I've been given hope and I managed to make tons of acqutiances and they want nothing todo with me after school ended. But still no friends. I lack the social connection not for a job or networking which I don't care for but for someone who gets me. I view my hobbies as distractions from impending death. Why should I distract myself Momentslirt if I'm ultimately going to think about it later when I go to sleep, when I dream, going number two, etc. I wish i could have a confidant without having to pay them like some prostitute. I pay them services and I can't get a true connection established with them, it has to be "professional". I don't want that, I rather not have it at all if that's the case.


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## PlushWitch (Oct 28, 2010)

how about a support group?


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Believe it or not, a lot of people go through this in college. Unlike high school, it's extremely difficult to get any closer than acquaintance. I myself still haven't met anyone except one person that I can consider a true friend. However, I don't mind not having a variety of close friends - although I have two right now, I could make do with neither like I did for the first two years of college. But in the end, I can't replace them; friendships are something special that tend to end unless they grow. You can't help the circumstances of your past, so now you just have to move on and find others.

As I said, though, you may very well have difficulty connecting strongly to others in college. Don't be discouraged by this though. You may find one or two people you particularly click with, and then you'll find what you're looking for. I found that some of my professors could be great friends (my Literature/English professor is my particular favorite; she shares almost all of my interests, and we talk freely about a lot of stuff). Most of the people at my age are just assholes, but the older classmates can be fun and trustworthy enough to confide in. You just have to talk to them and see how it goes.

Since you can't control others, you can only do one thing: roll the dice. Talk to others and see what happens. Don't discourage yourself just because the odds are against you - for all you know, the odds could be more even for you. You'll never know what will happen until you try. Be a little more empirical and you'll find exceptions to the statistics - and if you keep looking, the chances of you being one of those exceptions are increased.



Sneaky Bastard said:


> how about a support group?


If nothing else, do this. You'd be surprised at how well those work. I was in one when I was a kid, and they helped me to focus more and stop procrastinating. Amazing too, considering I was an ADHD child.


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Vexed said:


> to anything?
> 
> Also, how do I accept nihilism? I want to since my future looks bleak since I have to pay off debts and all the hobbies I have have lost their "fun".



someone telling you how to accept something, wont make you accept it. You either believe in it and accept it as something...or don't believe in it and don't accept it.
I accept science because in my mind it makes sense, According to everything i have learnt and everything i have experiened . If it makes sense and is logical i accept it. If it doesn't i don't. 

So either you really have had some form of mental breakdown and can't think straight. Or it just isn't something that fits into your life as you have seen or learnt


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

jeffbobs said:


> someone telling you how to accept something, wont make you accept it. You either believe in it and accept it as something...or don't believe in it and don't accept it.


It's all a matter of willpower. That's why I believe anyone can do nearly anything they set their minds to. But, of course, some people don't believe they have the willpower. When they don't believe, they're limiting themselves. Then, if they can't change that belief, they tend to get various substances (such as alcohol) involved. But I recommend therapy of some kind or another instead of alcohol; it's more effective in the long run, and that's what matters most - long-term effects. Short-term things like hobbies are good temporary things to to do while seeking for a long-term solution, but eventually, something more long-term has to happen. And the strongest long-term solution you can make is one you yourself have chosen to make - a real philosophy you've internalized.

And if someone tries to say alcohol is a good hobby, they're ignoring the fact that it kills brain cells. That won't help when you're looking for a long-term solution. :dry:


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I've clicked with two professors but conflicting schedules prevent me from seeing them. And even then, it's only limited to office hours. 

And I've only clicked with one other person who wasn't a teacher and I've feel abandoned, of it weren't for me getting my hopes up and feeling like I was on the way to make a friend, I wouldn't have felt this way. This person gave me advice but it hurts to have been rejected by that same person, makes me wonder if it was all a lie to just tell me what I wanted to hear in retrospect; why help someone who want nothing to do with


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Vexed said:


> Why?
> I've already assessed that the world is a screwed up place and people are frequently very selfish and insincere. I used to think otherwise but now I see how it really is.


The world is full of assholes. Also a lot of good stuff, if you can't see that & are so unwilling to accept that your position might change which it obviously has then you know what? People can't help you you're just wasting their time. Go outside go to a bar, start a conversation, might seem daunting at first but it might pay off it might not, if it fails? Try again. don't sit around on your computer bitching that the real world sucks, go & change it.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Emerson said:


> The world is full of assholes. Also a lot of good stuff, if you can't see that & are so unwilling to accept that your position might change which it obviously has then you know what? People can't help you you're just wasting their time. Go outside go to a bar, start a conversation, might seem daunting at first but it might pay off it might not, if it fails? Try again. don't sit around on your computer bitching that the real world sucks, go & change it.


 Not old enough to go to bars. I don't give a fuck about society, all into this hedonistic self-indulgent lifestyle. I can't fix people, I don't want to. I want nothing to do with others.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Vexed said:


> Not old enough to go to bars. I don't give a fuck about society, all into this hedonistic self-indulgent lifestyle. I can't fix people, I don't want to. I want nothing to do with others.


Then don't complain? Simple enough, and don't you think all of this moaning is rather self-indulgent? Believe me whether you "give a fuck" or not about society you exist within it. You'll change. Or you'll blow your brains out.


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Vexed said:


> Not old enough to go to bars. I don't give a fuck about society, all into this hedonistic self-indulgent lifestyle. I can't fix people, I don't want to. I want nothing to do with others.


And yet you still get overly excited at the prospect of making a new friend?


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Vexed said:


> I've clicked with two professors but conflicting schedules prevent me from seeing them. And even then, it's only limited to office hours.
> 
> And I've only clicked with one other person who wasn't a teacher and I've feel abandoned, of it weren't for me getting my hopes up and feeling like I was on the way to make a friend, I wouldn't have felt this way. This person gave me advice but it hurts to have been rejected by that same person, makes me wonder if it was all a lie to just tell me what I wanted to hear in retrospect; why help someone who want nothing to do with


Keep rolling the dice. It may be more prudent to avoid emotionally connecting with someone too strongly until you're sure they wouldn't abandon you, and even then, it's important to know what they think is desperation and what isn't. As a lot of people have so coldly admitted, desperation is frowned upon by many. I myself don't think it's particularly bad, although if it leads to the kind of clinging that could be considered stalker behavior, I would confront the source of the issue and tell him/her to stop. I'm not a drug, I'm a human being. I think this is what a lot of people think when they say they hate desperation.

I would rather have a close relationship with someone that is independent than someone that's dependent. The more dependent they are, the more attention they ask for. Very few people in this day and age have the time and energy to focus on someone that needy. As cruel as that sounds, it's the truth. If you're that desperate and needy, then here's my advice: choose to put yourself first until your affairs are in order, then when you decide to let others in, let them in as equals - NOT as superiors or inferiors.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Emerson said:


> Then don't complain? Simple enough, and don't you think all of this moaning is rather self-indulgent? Believe me whether you "give a fuck" or not about society you exist within it. You'll change. Or *you'll blow your brains out*.


Thanks for the suggestion.


jeffbobs said:


> And yet you still get overly excited at the prospect of making a new friend?


He made an assumption about me being old enough to go to bars and I addressed it.


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## Planisphere (Apr 24, 2012)

Emerson said:


> Then don't complain? Simple enough, and don't you think all of this moaning is rather self-indulgent? Believe me whether you "give a fuck" or not about society you exist within it. You'll change. Or you'll blow your brains out.


I was about to say this, but he takes things literally. :frustrating:


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Vexed said:


> Thanks for the suggestion.
> 
> He made an assumption about me being old enough to go to bars and I addressed it.


I asked a question, And you didn't address it. 

I can see you were blessed with a lack of friends and a lack of intelligence. They sometimes go hand in hand


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

jeffbobs said:


> I asked a question, And you didn't address it.
> 
> I can see you were blessed with a lack of friends and a lack of intelligence. They sometimes go hand in hand


Thanks.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Vexed said:


> Thanks for the suggestion.
> .


I have plenty more, my point then since you obviously need it spelling out: What do you want to accomplish from this thread? Since if this is a cry for help I'm willing to help, but only if you're willing to help yourself and stop being such a 13year old boy.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Keep the insults coming, it helps.


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Vexed said:


> Keep the insults coming, it helps.


Don't you mean, "keep the human attention comming? i love this attention, and althou i have lost all hope of human kind i still wish to get attention from others online about my problems"

The problem is you. there we go, plain and simple. You are the problem. How about instead of being so self indulgent, you try something else for a change


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## PlushWitch (Oct 28, 2010)

jeffbobs said:


> I asked a question, And you didn't address it.
> 
> I can see you were blessed with a lack of friends and a lack of intelligence. They sometimes go hand in hand





Emerson said:


> I have plenty more, my point then since you obviously need it spelling out: What do you want to accomplish from this thread? Since if this is a cry for help I'm willing to help, but only if you're willing to help yourself and stop being such a 13year old boy.





jeffbobs said:


> Don't you mean, "keep the human attention comming? i love this attention, and althou i have lost all hope of human kind i still wish to get attention from others online about my problems"
> 
> The problem is you. there we go, plain and simple. You are the problem. How about instead of being so self indulgent, you try something else for a change


:dry: !!!


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

Sneaky Bastard said:


> :dry: !!!


Might of been harsh. But there is someone, who claims they will never get friends and wants to become a nihilist, ignoring and acting ignorant to people trying to ask him questions, and give advice.

I am also still being very factual, ask anyone with a psychology degree or better. The problem lies within himself. He is the problem, he is the reason he doesn't have any friends. 

I tried to ask questions and understand all the contradictions. But sometimes people will never learn. And just want to keep the attention comming


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