# Male SFJs and Female STJs



## Octavarium (Nov 27, 2012)

Some of the type profiles I've read talk about gender issues for each type, describing how, if a type's traits are traditionally associated with one gender more than the other, people of that type who are the opposite gender may find life more difficult. I think this would especially be the case for SJs, being the types who want to belong to their community, and who often value tradition, which may include gender roles. I'm not saying all SJs believe in gender roles, and I think there are quite a few who don't. However, I'd guess that SFJ men and STJ women would tend to feel out of place, and that that "out of place" feeling would be more difficult for SJs than for some of the other types.

So if you are a male SFJ or a female STJ, is that true for you? Do you notice yourself not fitting into traditional gender roles and, if so, does it bother you? Do you find yourself experiencing a conflict between the natural tendencies of your type, and wanting to fit into your community? If so, how do you reconcile those things? If you've had trouble accepting that part of your personality, has the MBTI helped you with that? Or do you find ways to express your masculinity/femininity? Or is it not something you care very much about?


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

As a child it was rather hard. I was always being compared to the other kids that were more aggressive, tougher and rougher. I couldn't win of them in a random spar fight. I couldn't win with witty remarks. I wasn't aggressive. I couldn't do any manly shit. I despised the very thought of it. Many times I wondered if something was wrong with me. I felt this constant pressure to be someone I was not and someone I could _never_ be. In my failure of being so I was met with their disappointment. Why wasn't I enough? I hated every preachy word about my 'flaws'. Subdued and timid I kept my hands tucked up my sleeves. Observed people before I decided I'd like to engage with them or not. Cautious. Quiet. Shy. Sensitive. Blabla

It sucked. 

Today I identify androgynous. I shun and shoo any idiot trying to tell me what a man should be and do. Screw the community, really.


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## YoungBlood41 (Feb 12, 2014)

Yes, I definitely notice some differences between myself and my female peers, but I wouldn't call them hardships. I actually embrace my unique behavior, and find many females my age to be strange, and sometimes annoying (sorry, not trying to be offensive). When I try to talk to females, I find their main way of breaking the ice is immediately ganging up on another person, pointing out flaws, "Hey did you see that guy who..." and then once that mutual hate for a person they don't know is established, immediately opening up about their personal life, relationships, anything, mostly in comparison of complaints. This of course is a generaIization, but something I observed in probably 4 out of 5 interactions of girls in groups. I loathe unnecessary drama in any capacity, I prefer to use rationality and diplomacy to solve my problems. I always got along better with the "guys", and scoffed at the people who fed off emotional drama. As far as traditional society roles, I really only hold value to my socializations in a professional setting, where gender types don't really need to be present. I'm an introvert, so hanging out with peers just isn't my thing, but when it is I gravitate towards men. This doesn't bother me too much in a traditional sense.

My boyfriend often says he really appreciates how non-girly I am. He enjoys the drama free relationship we have, as do I. He is completely heterosexual as well, and IS the man in the relationship, I suppose my roles and temperment just match his more than most girls' would. So it has worked out for me in a dating sense as well.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Octavarium said:


> Some of the type profiles I've read talk about gender issues for each type, describing how, if a type's traits are traditionally associated with one gender more than the other, people of that type who are the opposite gender may find life more difficult. I think this would especially be the case for SJs, being the types who want to belong to their community, and who often value tradition, which may include gender roles. I'm not saying all SJs believe in gender roles, and I think there are quite a few who don't. However, I'd guess that SFJ men and STJ women would tend to feel out of place, and that that "out of place" feeling would be more difficult for SJs than for some of the other types.
> 
> So if you are a male SFJ or a female STJ, is that true for you? Do you notice yourself not fitting into traditional gender roles and, if so, does it bother you? Do you find yourself experiencing a conflict between the natural tendencies of your type, and wanting to fit into your community? If so, how do you reconcile those things? If you've had trouble accepting that part of your personality, has the MBTI helped you with that? Or do you find ways to express your masculinity/femininity? *Or is it not something you care very much about?*



The bolded.


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## conflictingdusk (Apr 6, 2014)

I'm assigned female at birth, though with the recent recognition of "neutral" genders around the Internet, I'm honestly slowly drifting away from the label of female.

But yes, while identifying as female as a child, I've always realised I never fit into the gender roles for females. It does make me feel really out of place, but I never really regarded it as a big issue since this is my personality and I just haven't found a community suitable for my social needs yet.


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## Amandine (May 11, 2014)

I was never one to fit in with the crowd, and I'm fine with that. 
Though the fact that I am female doesn't have much to do with it. 
Honestly, I don't care for belonging to a community.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

I'm a male ESFJ and I'm very opposed to gender roles. I have trouble fitting in with other boys, but I get along with girls really well, and the fitting in thing bothers me because I feel like I'm expected to be something I'm not (like strong, not showing emotion and all) and my depression only further separates me from the expected norm, so it bothers me a lot. I'm actually really glad that I get along so well with females though, I know understanding and being around females is really hard for most guys but it seems to come naturally to me. I actually feel out of place in a group of all males.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

I know a few male ESFJ's who are all masculine, being an F doesn't mean you're a sensitive person just as being a T doesn't make you a robot. The guys I know are all pretty traditional males, who can be very sensitive and emotional especially regarding other people. 

I have one ESFJ friend in particular who I've known nearly ALL of my life, he's a great human filled with an unshakeable kindness and a genuine desire to look after other people.


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## Sabrah (Aug 6, 2013)

Haha, I never fit in with traditional gender roles, but it never particularly bothered me. Not just traditional roles though, females in general. Sometimes I very quickly discover that I share little common ground with more "feminine" women like my sisters and mother. I feel like other women share some sort of "feminine" bond that I do not posses. I don't consider myself any less of a woman though. There are many women like me.


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