# Dear, Drunk Parrot -- Advice



## darcstar3 (Jun 22, 2016)

They actually asked if it were the money, but i said no >.<
And that if i wanted anything i should ask... But i just wanted to quit =(
I should have you with me always


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## Blue Ribbon (Sep 4, 2016)

darcstar3 said:


> They actually asked if it were the money, but i said no >.<
> And that if i wanted anything i should ask... But i just wanted to quit =(
> I should have you with me always


If you ever don't have a job and need to freeload, come to India. I'll teach you how to make Samosa and eat chat without a spoon. It'll be an experience!


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

darcstar3 said:


> They actually asked if it were the money, but i said no >.<
> And that if i wanted anything i should ask... But i just wanted to quit =(
> I should have you with me always


Look out for the Mobile Parrot app in 2017.


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## darcstar3 (Jun 22, 2016)

Blue Ribbon said:


> If you ever don't have a job and need to freeload, come to India. I'll teach you how to make Samosa and eat chat without a spoon. It'll be an experience!


Wow, thanks, that sounds so fun
I've never considered India before because it's too hot, and there are too many people, lol, but i love samosas =D
Same to you if you come to Japan though, i can teach you okonomiyaki =D



Drunk Parrot said:


> Look out for the Mobile Parrot app in 2017.


Is there a beta i can join?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

darcstar3 said:


> Is there a beta i can join?


This is the beta.


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## septic tank (Jul 21, 2013)

Drunk Parrot said:


> I don't think you can become obnoxious, it isn't in you to do that.
> 
> However, as a 4, you have it in you to be principled. Learn to fight for the things you care about. Assertiveness will only come from passion about what is important to you. And when you get to high, I'll be here to knock you down a peg. :kitteh:



Huh, I didn't think ENTPs could give solid advice, but this is pretty good.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

Drunk Parrot said:


> One problem is that your role takes up time, like a job, but you don't get paid. Thus, your participation is viewed sarcastically because you know you don't _have_ to do this. You tell yourself you can just quit whenever you want. As far as meds, I am not a psychiatrist; but rather a highly esteemed psychologist. From my perspective, though, you do just fine. If the sarcasm is eating you up on the inside, then find ways to let it go. And remember that we all love what you do and you're highly valued.


I was expecting something poo pooish and instead I get a compliment. Thanks! I guess you've been taking Fe supplements (floradix?).

I've always talked sarcastically. It's not a problem in the fam and friends zone because it's a love language and for every snide remark there is a grin and one back but sarcasm is a love language that people can misconstrue as language of skulduggery. With refusal to 'over emoticon' and "over gif" in the business of posting (in order to get on with my life) I can see that my natural love language could be problematic.

There was another issue of wanting to merge all topics pertaining to American politics and feminist and antifeminist threads together with some interesting spam threads and shooting them off to the art gallery and naming them "2016 the year we ranted too much" or "1984 revisited" ....and while I'm there on 1984 I would like it to be known that George Orwell was Democratic Socialist. How do I know this you ask? He said so in his essay named "Why I write". I feel much better now.

Do you think if I put this in my sig it would take the edge off a little?


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

beth x said:


> Dear Drunk Parrot,
> 
> I'm an admin on a popular personality site and sometimes I find it really difficult not to be sarcastic all the time. It's a constant struggle to curb the need to merge some groups of members into one member and change their name to Git 1 Git 2 etc. There are times when I am passing a badly spelled thread header and I have to toss up whether I should edit in the correctly spelled header or leave it as is to be warning for other members that the content might be dull and uninteresting. I am wondering whether there are meds out there for me to deal or some meditative techniques that you could put me on to.
> 
> Please help.


So that's why my vote thread had an extra factor to it (Stretch Armstrong) out of thin air, it all makes sense now...


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Dear DP,

How do I stop being so elitist and egotistical about myself? (plus nihilism) 
It gives me the perception that everyone around me are plebs and inferiors; it stops me from learning or achieving anything as I already think I am best or that there is no point in doing so, it also affects my relationships with other people as I become so detached from others as I view people as replaceable/coincidental and therefore find it difficult to form any real connections with others.

Narci.

P.S. sorry for the many "_as_".


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Dear Drunk Parrot,



What do you do when you suddenly the world seems empty and spirituality simply does not seem to suffice in providing any hope for this terrible place we all live in and simply want to call in quits and accept that the world is a completely and utterly nihilistic and empty meaningless void from which we undoubtedly are lost in?

Oh, and do you ever think that robots (upon their creation and subsequent mass usage and popularity that will soon follow after) truly free the proletarians themselves or will some how evil nefarious plot be devised to further make their lives infernal and full of misery?


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

narcissistic said:


> So that's why my vote thread had an extra factor to it (Stretch Armstrong) out of thin air, it all makes sense now...


I didn't do that one. I'd probably never tell you if I did though.


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## Shinsei (May 9, 2016)

Dear Drunk parrot

What is the best way to consume bleach?


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Oh, and how do I fix my cabinet?


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

DP: Should I try this Japanese mustard?


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

Drunk Parrot said:


> You have high compensatory narcissist traits and it's quite sad, really. Someone must have caused that in you at an early age. Now you feel the need to be the center of attention and seek superficial recognition as a reward system. My NPD father caused me to develop some of those traits, too. Your behavior reminds me a lot of when I was 13-18. It'll take time, but learning to like yourself without others' approval is pivotal in order to grow. Right now your false self is far from your true self and people can see that. Thus, despite the attention to wish to receive, you'll actually get less than you want because it is an insatiable need that others don't want to constantly fill. Some, like @Blue Ribbon are selfless sweethearts, but ultimately, it will be draining.


I'm not a narcissist, I don't need people's attention or approval and I'm not 13-18 :dry: (Also, everyone who liked that can *beep* a *beep*ing *beep* in a *beep* eating *beep*.)

Dear DP, 

There are people on here, that treat another member really badly (a friend of mine). But if he doesn't pay them attention, they also moan about it in the thread and bring up him (my friend) when it's not necessary. 

How should my friend deal with this?


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## Shinsei (May 9, 2016)

Because_why_not said:


> I'm not a narcissist, I don't need people's attention or approval and I'm not 13-18 :dry: (Also, everyone who liked that can *beep* a *beep*ing *beep* in a *beep* eating *beep*.)
> 
> Dear DP,
> 
> ...


You know you do realize I am right here.


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

Ghost Insane said:


> You know you do realize I am right here.


You're not the "friend" I was talking about...


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## Shinsei (May 9, 2016)

Because_why_not said:


> You're not the "friend" I was talking about...


I know, I was looking for attention :anyone:


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## Blue Ribbon (Sep 4, 2016)

Because_why_not said:


> I'm not a narcissist, I don't need people's attention or approval and I'm not 13-18 :dry: (Also, everyone who liked that can *beep* a *beep*ing *beep* in a *beep* eating *beep*.)
> 
> Dear DP,
> 
> ...


Who's the friend? I can help!  we're friends!


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

Blue Ribbon said:


> Who's the friend? I can help!  we're friends!


Not Shinsei, that's for sure.


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## Blue Ribbon (Sep 4, 2016)

Dear DP 

How do I stop my two stupid friends from fighting?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Because_why_not said:


> *Dear DP
> 
> My friend has been told to kill himself and has even had a group agree that he should be shot. He's proved himself time and time again that he's one of the good guys but groups have called him names and pushed for his death before. They even said he can't read.
> 
> Why are people saying this is acceptable treatment?*


I don't think anyone said it was acceptable. I'm not certain it is real, though. Don't care, really.



> *Dear DP
> 
> Why do some people stick their noses in especially in places where they have no idea what they're talking about? Pretty ironic that it's to call someone else a narcissist right?*


*

It is, although he might know what it looks like, though.




I think they're obsessed with me. How do i tell them I'm not interested?

Click to expand...

*Put him on your ignore list if he bothers you.



Blue Ribbon said:


> Dear DP
> 
> How do I stop my two stupid friends from fighting?


You can't. Sometimes a fight needs to happen. Just shield your innocent eyes and hope the carnage isn't too bad.



narcissistic said:


> Dear DP,
> 
> How do I deal with someone who is in-denial and deluded?
> 
> Narci.


Ignore it. Why do you need to address it?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

beth x said:


> There's no stipulation in the OP of actually asking a question. :dry:
> 
> ....but while I have you captive.....should I hide my guitar to avoid people asking if I play the guitar each time they come through in this hideous 2016 flatmate search or should I just answer the door with it slung over my back and walk around serenading? It's missing a string and I can't be bothered sitting down to restring.


Hide the guitar if you don't want to be asked. The fact you're missing a string and don't care shows that inferior Se at work. However, it is a good conversation starter for the two of you to figure out if you like the other.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Dear DP,

How do I stop this;
Person X says I'm boring and annoying, yet only comes to me to start petty arguments or start petty insults.
If I don't engage this --> I look weak and it's gives them joy i.e. makes them feel superior. 
If I do engage this --> they turn around and say "_you're boring me, why are you even talking to me?_" i.e. turn it around on me as if I was the one who wanted to start a fight.

Narci.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

narcissistic said:


> Dear DP,
> 
> How do I stop this;
> Person X says I'm boring and annoying, yet only comes to me to start petty arguments or start petty insults.
> ...


If you don't engage you don't engage. Who cares what their perception is? No one else but you two probably care about it. Let "whomever" feel superior, it'd be a nice thing to do.

#NarcFights


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

Drunk Parrot said:


> I don't think anyone said it was acceptable. I'm not certain it is real, though. Don't care, really.


No, it's 100% true. People said that if they had a gun, they would shoot my friend. Some people were even begging for a gun to do it. Then everything my friend said was just batted away by a drunk person who had more respect than my friend did.

Recently, my friend has been the most helpful person, but what he's said has still been discredited because of what happened in the past. The past has been used multiple times to "get him killed" by a few people. 

And as an Agony Aunt, you have to at least give the impression you care. Gawd, not up for the challenge? 



> Put him on your ignore list if he bothers you.


Still won't stop him chatting whatever it is he's chatting.

This ones for another friend - well, more acquaintance than anything:

*Dear DP

When will senpai notice me? How do I even get senpai to notice me?

Senpai is spending too much time on Mafia and I've been permabanned from there until I do something as simple as apologise to the mods (which I won't do because it's against my Fi principles!). I've tried to imitate everything Senpai does to show how alike we really are, but I just get the opposite effect to what I want and told I'm attention-seeking in a negative way.

Please help me.

Anon*


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Because_why_not said:


> No, it's 100% true. People said that if they had a gun, they would shoot my friend. Some people were even begging for a gun to do it. Then everything my friend said was just batted away by a drunk person who had more respect than my friend did.
> 
> Recently, my friend has been the most helpful person, but what he's said has still been discredited because of what happened in the past. The past has been used multiple times to "get him killed" by a few people.


Is this some passive aggressive shit about narcissistic? Get ahold of yourself. This is why I said you have narc traits, you're being ridiculous. Sometimes @narcissistic sucks, but at least he's aware he does.



> And as an Agony Aunt, you have to at least give the impression you care. Gawd, not up for the challenge?


I'm obligated to do no such thing.


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Is this some passive aggressive shit about narcissistic? Get ahold of yourself. This is why I said you have narc traits, you're being ridiculous. Sometimes @narcissistic sucks, but at least he's aware he does.
> 
> I'm obligated to do no such thing.


....I was talking about myself there.

Dear DP,

Why do people not get my hints?

*I'M SO ALONE IN THE WORLD!!!!!*


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Dear DP,

How do I stop someone from self-projecting themselves all the time and being passive-aggressive about me?
It's getting to the point where it's really sad;
all they need to do is leave me alone and stay on Mafia --> yet all they do is pester/bait me and then make self-projecting and passive-aggressive posts about me.
(even though this is passive-aggressive in it's self, gotta love irony)

Narci.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Because_why_not said:


> ....I was talking about myself there.
> 
> Dear DP,
> 
> ...


Let me tell you something about empathy, I don't really give it out. As far as sympathy, I can give it out but not just for anyone. It has to catch me just right and my Ti has to find no issues with it. Your story is not pinging my heart strings, so Ti it is.

My heart is not going to break for you. As far as people telling you to commit suicide, that's...something. Think about why you were treated as such. Perception takes awhile to change. A lot of what you seem to be experiencing is ego centric and shallow. Although it appears to be deep *for you.* It's delusion and that right there, is where I am sad for you. I know what it's like to experience it. But none of the sympathy ever in the world will ever solve it for you. Other's feeling for you is insatiable, it will never be enough. The goal, then, is to discover what makes you tick and why you are the way you are. That journey of self-discovery is the most rewarding thing in the world.

I've been diagnosed as ADHD, Bipolar II, and moderately narcissistic. I've also concluded that those traits tie into biological psychopathy for me. On the surface, I am a label; a broken toy. For a long time I lived within the labels. Beneath my mask was an ugly person. I still am and do not consider myself a good person at all. I used to be quite toxic that relished the prospect of tearing someone apart. Their pain was my joy. But I've found that amazingly, just by being real, some people accept who I am. But I don't have to be solely defined any one way. We all have our challenges in life. Someday you can grow into being a kind person with true friends who care about you. Wearing your mask doesn't allow people to get to know the real you. Discovering that is worth revealing all my flaws. And by being real, I can chart my own course for how I want to treat others. When I treat others well, they respond the same.

Like my good friend @drmiller100 told me, you have to discover what's truly important to you. But it can't ever happen when you're unaware. After all, you can't remove a mask that you don't know is there. You're not going to change people's opinions over night. But it can happen over time.


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

Dear DP,

How can someone learn what projecting is without the use of listening to others, googling or even reading a dictionary because all those things have been suggested but _some_ people *cough cough* mustn't like that because they refuse to use those resources.

Tah.

Btw passive-aggressiveness ftw!


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Because_why_not said:


> Dear DP,
> 
> How can someone learn what projecting is without the use of listening to others, googling or even reading a dictionary because all those things have been suggested but _some_ people *cough cough* mustn't like that because they refuse to use those resources.
> 
> ...


And with that, we're done here.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Let me tell you something about empathy, I don't really give it out. As far as sympathy, I can give it out but not just for anyone. It has to catch me just right and my Ti has to find no issues with it. Your story is not pinging my heart strings, so Ti it is.
> 
> My heart is not going to break for you. As far as people telling you to commit suicide, that's...something. Think about why you were treated as such. Perception takes awhile to change. A lot of what you seem to be experiencing is ego centric and shallow. Although it appears to be deep *for you.* It's delusion and that right there, is where I am sad for you. I know what it's like to experience it. But none of the sympathy ever in the world will ever solve it for you. Other's feeling for you is insatiable, it will never be enough. The goal, then, is to discover what makes you tick and why you are the way you are. That journey of self-discovery is the most rewarding thing in the world.
> 
> ...


Very heart touching.










Though sometimes; I feel like you're preaching to a troll here and in which what you say will not affect them or it won't _touch _them.


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

Drunk Parrot said:


> And with that, we're done here.


Fine. I'll be good and stop trolling.

The story related to the Games forum, the Sugar and Cyanide Mafia game, and the most recent Mafia game.

I don't normally reveal, but yeah. Carry on.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

narcissistic said:


> Very heart touching.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I did my job, I answered the question. roud:


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

* *








Because_why_not said:


> So I want/do get others laughing and actually enjoying themselves in their free time, shoot me.
> 
> 
> 
> ...














> I like myself, not too much, no too little. As Goldilocks would say: juuuuuust right.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Why are you fighting your friend's fights for them? They can either fight back, report it, leave, or deal with being bullied. Which is what happens in real life anyways. 



 


* *







Because_why_not said:


> Such long quotes...
> 
> 
> 
> ...








Because_why_not said:


> > * *
> >
> >
> >
> ...


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

@Drunk Parrot 

What's the best mindset to have working Black Friday in a retail environment?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

BlueChristmas06 said:


> @Drunk Parrot
> 
> What's the best mindset to have working Black Friday in a retail environment?


Have fun. I worked it once while at Sears. I loved the chaos and it's important to remember "who gives a shit". People are there to buy. Be helpful, work fast, and remember that it doesn't matter.


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## Because_why_not (Jul 30, 2016)

BlueChristmas06 said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Because_why_not said:


> *Dear DP,
> 
> Why don't people want me to be good? It's like they like it when I'm an unlikable arsehole or something? How can one be a likeable unlikable arsehole? Isn't that an oxymoron? (Also, why does likeable have an "e" but unlikable doesn't according to my spell-checker? Can you advise?)
> 
> Tah*


You're not likable enough to justify being a toxic person.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

darcstar3 said:


> dear drunk parrot
> 
> how can i organise my time more efficiently?
> i get a great deal of stress from trying to balance work life, home life, and forum life.
> ...


I'm an ENT*P* and not really the person to ask about being organized. If the forum makes you happy then stay on the forum. If it makes you miserable, then branch out more irl. I enjoy the forum so I'll stick with it, myself. I'll hang out with friends, tomorrow.



Clovdyx said:


> Dear Drunk Parrot,
> 
> What color shirt should I wear to optimize my swagalicious?
> 
> -Clov


Red and blue attract the most attention, visually. If you want power choose red.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Blue Ribbon said:


> Dictionary definition: the abrupt and complete cessation of taking a drug to which one is addicted.
> 
> I was addicted to something and I had to go cold turkey.
> 
> Did I just teach something to a native speaker :O ??


Yeah you did, I twas just too lazy to research it myself; and this is an advice thread so it seems fitting you know.

How would I go about being "_cold turkey_", it seems simple; but people need something in which they can use to deal with stress and boredom i.e. what am I supposed to do in these situations?


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## Blue Ribbon (Sep 4, 2016)

narcissistic said:


> Yeah you did, I twas just too lazy to research it myself; and this is an advice thread so it seems fitting you know.
> 
> How would I go about being "_cold turkey_", it seems simple; but people need something in which they can use to deal with stress and boredom i.e. what am I supposed to do in these situations?


Idk. Will power I guess


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Blue Ribbon said:


> Idk. Will power I guess


Yeah, I'm all out of stock of that. 
No point me saying; "_I'll try_" because I know I won't and no point deluding others that I will.
Though; this suggestion is enlightening.


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## Blue Ribbon (Sep 4, 2016)

narcissistic said:


> Yeah, I'm all out of stock of that.
> No point me saying; "_I'll try_" because I know I won't and no point deluding others that I will.
> Though; this suggestion is enlightening.


Well that's what people usually do. They use willpower. Yeah doesn't work for me either. I think you should just be glad that it's tea and not heroin or meth


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Blue Ribbon said:


> I think you should just be glad that it's tea and not heroin or meth


True.
You hear that; I have good addictions, yup yup.


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## Blue Ribbon (Sep 4, 2016)

See @Drunk Parrot I'm helping you advise people! Yay my existence is of some use to people.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

Because_why_not said:


> Cool, bruh. I can sleep happy tonight knowing that vital piece of information. My life is complete now that I know the mysteries of the Universe of your cluttered inbox.


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## 1000BugsNightSky (May 8, 2014)

Clovdyx said:


> Dear Drunk Parrot,
> 
> What color shirt should I wear to optimize my swagalicious?
> 
> -Clov


Do you even need ask? :tongue:


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## JayShambles (Aug 9, 2016)

You know you've made it in life when threads manifest around your life 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

Dear Parrot,

My hair is root beer O.O










(p.s. @BlueChristmas06 maybe also you can help).


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## The Lawyer (Sep 28, 2015)

Dear DP,

an acquaintance was supposed to come over to my place today but they didn't reply earlier to confirm that they're coming. I have no idea if they will come or not.

Now I'm sitting on my bed like a plant posting shit on PerC.

I don't know what to do, but this feels like an existential problem.


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## Shinsei (May 9, 2016)

Dear DP

What's the best way to give moonious a hug?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

JayShambles said:


> You know you've made it in life when threads manifest around your life


This was not a question.



The Lawyer said:


> Dear DP,
> 
> an acquaintance was supposed to come over to my place today but they didn't reply earlier to confirm that they're coming. I have no idea if they will come or not.
> 
> ...


Is the friend a potential sexual partner? If so, they probably got cold feet. Continue socializing on PerC, it'll help you forget about the rejection. If just a friend, oh well.



Ghost Insane said:


> Dear DP
> 
> What's the best way to give moonious a hug?


Moonious may not want to hug you. However, being near her in person is the best way to initiate that.



Veggie said:


> Dear Parrot,
> 
> My hair is root beer O.O


This is not a real question.


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## The Lawyer (Sep 28, 2015)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Is the friend a potential sexual partner? If so, they probably got cold feet. Continue socializing on PerC, it'll help you forget about the rejection. If just a friend, oh well.


Nah just an acquaintance that was supposed to help me with some papers (I appreciate the curious question still, anyway how is your sex life). 

It's all good they came, they were just a bit late. Thanks for the support.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Dear @Drunk Parrot

I have some pretty nasty smelly gas going on. How can I fix this?


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Dear @Drunk Parrot
> 
> I have some pretty nasty smelly gas going on. How can I fix this?


are there others around?
i was always told to share:shocked:


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Dear @Drunk Parrot
> 
> I have some pretty nasty smelly gas going on. How can I fix this?


Your farts reflect you diet. Change your diet.

If you're talking about a different gas call poison control or the fire department.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

I was going to hide the guitar in my room when the next prospective flatmate came but was caught unawares by someone turning up. This one came in and started playing it with the string missing. I liked this one. 

Dear Drunk Parrot can you cross your fingers that I might have found the right one?

*see, that was a question.:tongue:

PS. They were a right hander playing my lefty guitar.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

Veggie said:


> Dear Parrot,
> 
> My hair is root beer O.O
> 
> ...



* *







licorice tattoo turned a gun metal blue scrawled across the shoulders
of a dying town the one eyed jacks across the railroad tracks
and the scar on its belly pulled a stranger passing through
he was a juvenile delinquent never learned how to behave
but the cops would never think to look in
burma shave

and the road was like a ribbon and the moon was like a bone
he didn't seem to be like any guy she'd ever known
he kinda looked like farley granger with his hair slicked back
she says i'm a sucker for a fella in a cowboy hat
how far are you going he said depends on what you mean
he says i'm going thataway just as long as it's paved
i guess you'd say i'm on my way to
burma shave

and her knees up on the glove compartment
took out her barrettes and *her hair **spilled out **like rootbeer*
and she popped her gum and arched her back
hell marysville ain't nothing but a wide spot in the road
some night my heart pounds just like thunder
i don't know why it don't explode
cause everyone in this stinking town has got one foot in the grave
and i'd rather take my chances out in
burma shave

presley's what i go by why don't you change the station
count the grain elevators in the rearview mirror
mister anywhere you point this thing
has got to beat the hell out of the sting
of going to bed with every dream that dies here every mornin
and so drill me a hole with a barber pole
i'm jumping my parole just like a fugitive tonight
why don't you have another swig
and pass that car if you're so brave
i wanna get there before the sun comes up in
burma shave

and the spider web crack and the mustang screamed
smoke from the tires and the twisted machine
just a nickel's worth of dreams and every wishbone that they saved
lie swindled from them on the way to
burma shave

and the sun hit the derrick and cast a bat wing shadow
up against the car door on the shot gun side
and when they pulled her from the wreck you know she
still had on her shades
they say that dreams are growing wild just this side of
burma shave 




. 

;D.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

beth x said:


> I was going to hide the guitar in my room when the next prospective flatmate came but was caught unawares by someone turning up. This one came in and started playing it with the string missing. I liked this one.
> 
> Dear Drunk Parrot can you cross your fingers that I might have found the right one?
> 
> ...


I will probably not cross my feathers. However, if you found the right one, good for you...until they murder you in your sleep.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

Drunk Parrot said:


> I will probably not cross my feathers. However, if you found the right one, good for you...until they murder you in your sleep.


Who says that isn't the right one? Being murdered awake would be far less considerate.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

beth x said:


> Who says that isn't the right one? Being murdered awake would be far less considerate.


Hmmm, you're right. Excellent Te logic, there.

Here's a cookie for your Fi


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## bkdjdnfbnne (Mar 8, 2015)

Dear @Drunk Parrot

has your sister left you yet for your cousin? 

thanks

axwell


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Axwell said:


> Dear @Drunk Parrot
> 
> has your sister left you yet for your cousin?
> 
> ...


That is a poor question that takes away from others. I do not have a sister. 

(assigns Axwell 4 shame points)


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## Copper North (Mar 18, 2015)

Dear @Drunk Parrot -

I'm making a pitcher of kamikazes and I need to choose the proper vodka.

I was going to put in Belvedere, but would I be better with Grey Goose, Imperia or Absolut ?

Your wise advice will be appreciated. :smilewoot:


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Copper North said:


> Dear @Drunk Parrot -
> 
> I'm making a pitcher of kamikazes and I need to choose the proper vodka.
> 
> ...


Vodka blends in well with citrus flavor. If you mix it just right, doesn't matter the brand. Hell, you can use cheap vodka if you want.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

You didn't answer my first two questions : O



Okay, here's another one.

Why do so many people think I'm "weird" and I seem to attract mockery so often in my life if anything and seem to serve as a clown or something in most social circles? it's really weird, people just can't seem to make sense of me, and instead that seems to translate into me being a compete mockery, and I find as well I get all kinds of things projected on me.

I given up on most human beings in general and don't really bother associating with most whom I come into contact with anymore, as it only seems to open me up to contempt and harassment of a various sorts for my strange, peculiar, and idiosyncratic ways. 

It has been a life long thing for me.

Other then that though, it's strange but (besides years of horrible self esteem due to this in my younger days) I have realized that I am quite a capable person, and am considered 'funny' 'intelligent' and generally I seem to be able to learn things fairly easily and whatnot. But yet, I am seen as a freak by all.

oh no, I am probably digging for compliments. It's not really true, though; it's just a dilemma or problem that has plagued me for much of my life and I always think about it. It's like most people don't even really see me for who I am, and it's this weird phenomenon I have always noticed, I will be talking and they just have this pre-set and defined concept that they interact with me with, that seems to be based on stereotypes, and conventional wisdom (which, is only conventional wisdom) it's like often they try to find some label or term to sum of how utterly inept and inadequate I am and constantly try to remind of this on a constant basis.


It's just always been me, and myself, desperately plugging away hoping that one day it will change something.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

I answered your cabinet question.



Cantankerous Old Wizard said:


> Dear Drunk Parrot,
> 
> What do you do when you suddenly the world seems empty and spirituality simply does not seem to suffice in providing any hope for this terrible place we all live in and simply want to call in quits and accept that the world is a completely and utterly nihilistic and empty meaningless void from which we undoubtedly are lost in?
> 
> Oh, and do you ever think that robots (upon their creation and subsequent mass usage and popularity that will soon follow after) truly free the proletarians themselves or will some how evil nefarious plot be devised to further make their lives infernal and full of misery?


Nihilistic thoughts will happen occasionally. Just know it's not as serious and you'll snap out of it eventually. 



Cantankerous Old Wizard said:


> You didn't answer my first two questions : O
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Damn man, these aregood questions. I'm tired and don't have the energy, right now, to dedicate to answering the questions. I'll try to answer, better, tomorrow.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Why don't you drink some more then!

YOU FUCKING BIRD! WHAT ARE GOOD FOR!!??? BACK TO THE PET STORE WITH YOU!!?


Obviously, though there is not really any good answers for such questions though I do not think. I do not know why I bother. I have spent years traveling, hanging out with different groups and often it was to no avail. I learned things about the world, about myself and human nature perhaps; but my dilemma as never quite been solved.

I feel like I take latter-day saint stance of epic proportions, or simply sink into Hitler esque levels of misanthropist and hatred; or I could simply not think about it all? but life is motion.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Dear DP,

How do I be sincere and frank; however not come across as an ass or a scare to others?

Narci.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

narcissistic said:


> Dear DP,
> 
> How do I be sincere and frank; however not come across as an ass or a scare to others?
> 
> Narci.


I'm not too adept at answering that question. It's difficult for me, too. As an INTP, though, you shouldn't worry too much about sincerity in your tone. If you are honest and competent, people will respect that, too. Avoid overuse of sarcasm as that will be perceived as condescending.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Have fun. I worked it once while at Sears. I loved the chaos and it's important to remember "who gives a shit". People are there to buy. Be helpful, work fast, and remember that it doesn't matter.



huh.me2.andwiththatmyspacekeyjustdied.damnit.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

drmiller100 said:


> huh.me2.andwiththatmyspacekeyjustdied.damnit.


Hit advanced reply. It should fix.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

beth x said:


> Hit advanced reply. It should fix.


huh. i learned something. 

parrot, what should i do next in life? i have no jobs, no girlfriends, no kids at home. all 3 things changed in the past 2 months.

i've got about 6 months unemployment to figure something out.

EDIT: Thanks Beth!!


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> huh. i learned something.
> 
> parrot, what should i do next in life? i have no jobs, no girlfriends, no kids at home. all 3 things changed in the past 2 months.
> 
> ...


Um career advice? Shouldn't be hard for you to find a job? No girlfriend? Try tinder. No kids at home? Great, join a club or something.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Um career advice? Shouldn't be hard for you to find a job? No girlfriend? Try tinder. No kids at home? Great, join a club or something.


well that is not very helpful. 
I want you to make my decisions so I can blame you. 

I'm a victim.


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## megmento (Jul 26, 2016)

Dear Drunk Parrot, 

How do I make people respect my introvert tendencies without appearing snobbish or extremely timid?

Sincerely, 
Meg


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> well that is not very helpful.
> I want you to make my decisions so I can blame you.
> 
> I'm a victim.


Get a job at a factory and try to like it. Then, come back and rant at me.



megmento said:


> Dear Drunk Parrot,
> 
> How do I make people respect my introvert tendencies without appearing snobbish or extremely timid?
> 
> ...


"People" is so relative. If you're out in public, then people might talk to you no matter what. I'm an E and I don't always feel like talking to random people, either. But it's a reality of life.

If you mean friends, well getting them to respect it is difficult, because they might not respect you to begin with. Finally, if you're so "introverted" that you avoid people, then that's unhealthy. A healthy person balances social contact and alone time, appropriately.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

You know the world has gone to shit when people are coming to a drunken parrot for advice.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Drunk advice is the best advice; I'm not even joking here.


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## Copper North (Mar 18, 2015)

Dear @Drunk Parrot 

I've noticed a gradual breakdown of society and fragmenting of the fundamental laws of the universe ever since David Bowie died in January.

I've also been getting a lot of telemarketer calls throughout the year, even though I'm on the 'Do Not Call' list.

Is it just pure chance or coincidence, or was it actually David Bowie who kept the universe in balance and the world out of free-fall ?

Your advice, as usual, will be appreciated and welcome. :happy:


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Copper North said:


> Dear @Drunk Parrot
> 
> I've noticed a gradual breakdown of society and fragmenting of the fundamental laws of the universe ever since David Bowie died in January.
> 
> ...


I do not believe those things are correlated. You get telemarketer calls because they want you to buy things. That's part of living in a capitalist society. Bowie is dead and it is my opinion that his death has no influence on how the world operates. He might, however, be able to influence you which makes you miserable. His death did nothing for me, though.



Emologic said:


> You know the world has gone to shit when people are coming to a drunken parrot for advice.


That is not a question. Either ask a question or choke on battery acid.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Get a job



yeah? that was pretty uncalled for.
I was joking around, and you had to go get vicious. 

my feeling is hurt.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> yeah? that was pretty uncalled for.
> I was joking around, and you had to go get vicious.
> 
> my feeling is hurt.


You are not asking a question. If your feeling is hurt, go to Spam World, write up a thread, take your feeling, and shove it up your ass!!!


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## 1000BugsNightSky (May 8, 2014)

Parrot, could you please say something nice to me?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Witch of Moon said:


> Parrot, could you please say something nice to me?


I could. Thank you for your question :happy:


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## Sunn (Mar 12, 2014)

@Drunk Parrot 

Who'd you vote for? Jc.



Drunk Parrot said:


> I could. Thank you for your question :happy:


Lmao, savage.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Sunn said:


> @Drunk Parrot
> 
> Who'd you vote for? Jc.


I did not bother to vote. Where I live went heavily Republican.


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## Sunn (Mar 12, 2014)

Drunk Parrot said:


> I did not bother to vote. Where I live went heavily Republican.


Yeah. 

Minnesota went from being a Blue state to being a Swing state overnight but I've always voted GoP anywho.

Trump's basically won with how many Electoral votes he's gotten. What do you think of it? Honest question.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Sunn said:


> Yeah.
> 
> Minnesota went from being a Blue state to being a Swing state overnight but I've always voted GoP anywho.
> 
> Trump's basically won with how many Electoral votes he's gotten. What do you think of it? Honest question.


I'm flabbergasted at the result. I'm also bracing for the inevitable media backlash. It will be brutal and Trump will be constantly attacked. I am not looking forward to that. Still, the GOP has the presidency and Congress, so I'm curious to see what will be passed. Dems still have filibuster power, though.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

Drunk Parrot said:


> That is not a question. Either ask a question or choke on battery acid.


K, then how about this?

Could you give me advice on how to improve this picture below?

[Redacted - rule 6]


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Emologic said:


> K, then how about this?
> 
> Could you give me advice on how to improve this picture below?
> 
> [Redacted - rule 6]


Take out the KYS and make each color more solid lines.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Take out the KYS and make each color more solid lines.


I'm not sure if I can do that. Do you have Photoshop?


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

Emologic said:


> I'm not sure if I can do that. Do you have Photoshop?


No, I have no desire to improve your picture. It is beautiful, though.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

Drunk Parrot said:


> No, I have no desire to improve your picture. It is beautiful, though.


Thank you very much! 

I put alot of effort into it.


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## Blue Ribbon (Sep 4, 2016)

Emologic said:


> K, then how about this?
> 
> Could you give me advice on how to improve this picture below?
> 
> [redacted - rule 6]


You know, I come here to thank all of DPs posts. He is that awesome. Can you take your trolling elsewhere?


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Dear DP,

You got any tips on how to be more intimate and form connections with others irl?
As of now; I tend to take on a more neutral stance with everyone and never open myself up (be intimate) as I feel as that being unnecessary or uncomfortable, yet because of this I never form any connections with anyone and therefore everyone just stays at being acquaintances which leads me friendless in a way (in terms of hanging out with them outside of the environment I am with them).

Narci.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

narcissistic said:


> Dear DP,
> 
> You got any tips on how to be more intimate and form connections with others irl?
> As of now; I tend to take on a more neutral stance with everyone and never open myself up (be intimate) as I feel as that being unnecessary or uncomfortable, yet because of this I never form any connections with anyone and therefore everyone just stays at being acquaintances which leads me friendless in a way (in terms of hanging out with them outside of the environment I am with them).
> ...


With a name like narcissistic, you might actually have a diminished Amygdala with means emotional connections are much more shallow for you, than others. This would mean there's nothing you can do. Just enjoy people for their time and try not to do anything to ruin relationships you enjoy.


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## Endologic (Feb 14, 2015)

Blue Ribbon said:


> You know, I come here to thank all of DPs posts. He is that awesome. Can you take your trolling elsewhere?


I agree, he is awesome. At least he appreciates my artwork


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