# Dealing with a sociopathic relative



## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

I have a cousin who I suspect of having either sociopathy or psychopathy. She's also married to someone with the same kind of disorder of character, so she's even worse to deal with. Anyway, for the past 18-20 years, she's been conning my grandparents out of money. For several years, she conned my grandfather out of her college tuition money (he would pay the school for her tuition, and then she would withdraw from college/university, and take the refund check). She ran that scheme in the early 90s, and she resurrected it a few years ago. 

When my grandmother died, she tried to use my grandmother's social security number to open up a bank account and get a credit card. Recently (within the past four years), she's taken to conning my grandfather into giving her his credit card numbers to pay for her "electricity bill" every so often. Eventually, a few months down the line, charges to the credit card number will be made in my cousin's town of residence (she lives five hours away from my grandfather and my grandfather can't see to drive), sometimes online (she bought $500 worth of electronics using his credit card number once) and sometimes she'll use the number at a low income food pantry. When any of my family find out about this (it's usually me, my mom, my dad, or my grandpa's brother-in-law who find out about this by checking over his finances every month), we have my grandfather cancel his credit card number.

One of the more recent fucked up things she did was have my grandfather open cellphone lines for both her and her husband using his account. She then proceeded to buy two smartphones (one for her, one for her husband) using my grandfather's credit card number, and then they went over their data limit to the tune of something like $135. When my grandpa's brother-in-law confronted her about it, she vehemently swore that they were going to pay it off for her next paycheck. So far, that bill has not been paid, and my grandfather "forgave" her.

My grandmother cared for this cousin when this cousin was a baby, and (my grandmother probably had some kind of personality disorder, tbh) she told my grandfather that my cousin was special and that my grandfather should look out for her as long as he lives. Because of my grandmother's words and favoritism, my grandfather is completely duped by her. He told my mother that he was going to continue signing checks for my cousin, despite the fact that he needs to save his money to pay for his mounting healthcare bills. Whenever she fucks up and we catch her, she cries to my grandpa and "repents". AND HE TAKES HER BACK EVERY TIME.

Right now, my cousin is essentially extorting her own sister for money as well. This other cousin of mine has two young children (they're both early elementary school aged -- one's 4K and the other is 1st grade). Sociopathic cousin and her sociopathic husband offered to take care of the kids during the day while this other cousin absolutely works her ass off, so my non-psycho cousin moved in with them. According to the non-psycho cousin, they force her to pay most of her paycheck in "rent" to them, they smoke pot all day (FWIW, the sociopathic husband is grotesquely morbidly obese, diabetic, has had bypass surgery for his heart, is practically deaf, is on disability and posts Jesus memes on FB all day) and then at night psycho-cousin's psycho husband watches porn in the living area of apartment with the volume essentially maxed out ... with two young children in the house.

I'm utterly at a loss for how to deal with her. I don't know how to confront her, and I feel like confronting her is the only option that I have left on the table. I'm also thinking that I need to confront her publicly so that other people know what she has done in the past and what she is continuing to do to my grandfather, but I need for my other cousin to exit the situation before I do anything. I'm getting sick of her abusing his finances, and I'm sick of him being too old, sweet and naive to take a stance against her. I think she should rot in prison for fraud and elder abuse.

Any advice for outing and dealing with manipulative (though stupid) conning shitheads like this without killing my grandfather's autonomy, or should we just say fuck his autonomy, and have my cousin and her husband prosecuted?


----------



## PizzathehuTT (Jul 9, 2014)

Anyone willing to con innocent people out of their hard-earned money deserves to do some time or a sort of punishment. Now as for how to deal with people this bad is a little tougher. I suggest getting in touch with an attorney or local law enforcement. Personally I'm not sure they CAN be arrested due to a lack of hard evidence, but the court could rule a settlement for your cousin's wrongdoing. I feel sorry for your Grandfather and I hope your find a way to stop your cousin's extortion of him.


----------



## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

Serve those shitheads some ENTJ justice pie.

A public shaming is in order.


----------



## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

I don't think anything substantial can be done where it concerns your grandparents since they seem to want to have these unpleasant interactions with your cousin. Your grandmother is the largest enabler and that element would have to be removed to start seeing results, which isn't a reasonable option.

Is your healthy cousin able to leave? How doable is helping her locate a new place and baby-sitter who is a decent human being? Is it possible to ask her friends and family to donate some money so she can get out?


----------



## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Irondust said:


> I don't think anything substantial can be done where it concerns your grandparents since they seem to want to have these unpleasant interactions with your cousin. Your grandmother is the largest enabler and that element would have to be removed to start seeing results, which isn't a reasonable option.
> 
> Is your healthy cousin able to leave? How doable is helping her locate a new place and baby-sitter who is a decent human being? Is it possible to ask her friends and family to donate some money so she can get out?


My grandmother who was the enabler is dead, but my grandfather clings to the memory of anything she said like a dryer sheet or cling wrap. The healthy cousin lives in another state. She doesn't know anyone there other than the sociopathic cousin & the sociopathic cousin's husband.


----------



## TheProphetLaLa (Aug 18, 2014)

I would say just go the way of the law with them and keep as much distance as you can. If she is really a sociopath you have to understand that any kind of public outing will just make everyone more confused as your cousin does not have a _conscience_. She will cry, beg, call you a liar, make shit up, twist the truth, and make it seem like YOU are the bad guy. I know you say you have facts, but use those facts with the law because she will not be able to emotionally manipulate the law. Any kind of public shaming will not work because she is not _capable_ of feeling ashamed for her actions.


----------



## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> My grandmother who was the enabler is dead, but my grandfather clings to the memory of anything she said like a dryer sheet or cling wrap. The healthy cousin lives in another state. She doesn't know anyone there other than the sociopathic cousin & the sociopathic cousin's husband.


I would try to help her network online. Maybe there is a group for her city? Idk.


----------



## adamstone1 (Sep 17, 2014)

Hmmmm.....What about their kids?how old are they? How will your actions affect them? Your family has a responsibility to take care of the kids.So if it means putting these monsters down,then so be it.They both seem pretty stupid.It should be pretty easy.Use the 'kids' card to convince and restrict your grandpa.to prevent him from enabling her.That should be pretty easy.

how do you think social boycott is going to affect her? I doubt if its going to do any damage,for i believe that she is simply going to find another dirty way to survive.She will just find another prey.

Are they psychopaths? I don't know.You probably should think more about this.They are very cruel,lazy and irresponsible.but are they psychopaths? 

You have to take a lot of things into account before you do something rash.I suggest that you scout for more information before your proceed.There are plenty of possibilities in my opinion.
Here are some possibilities that come to my mind right now.Although i really do not know if it is feasible in reality.(i apologize if its silly or stupid.Unfortunately i do not really know how the law or the government machinery works). But here are some tactical points that you should keep in mind.

1)child protective services.or anything that involves the 'kids' card.From what i hear,it is not the right atmosphere for a child to grow up in.This will help in advancing social boycott(boycott won't change them but it would minimize the damage.At least it will change your grandpa's mind.)

2)two screwed up people==screwed up relationship.maybe there is some way in which you can make them turn on each other.let the monsters take each other down.(for eg:affairs)

3) control them with threats.even if you develop enough arguments to build up a really strong case against them,it would be better not to take it to the court,but instead use it to threaten and control.a form of blackmail ,i suppose.but not directly.use a third party.there must be plenty of people they have conned already.help them form a case.let them confront.not you.(its a less dangerous path for you.In an ideal situation you do not want them to plot against you.your family may wish for solidarity and hence may even take their stand to maintain their solidarity.you never know.)

4)con them into doing something illegal.indirectly feed them with an idea of a scam that would get them caught.you can hint at it indirectly.

I apologize if i my answer is not a fine one.it needs a lot of editing.i usually find it difficult to convey my ideas effectively.sorry.

WARNING: whatever you decide to do please make sure that it doesn't affect 1) your healthy cousin and 2) the future of the kids.
ideally you want your cousin to move out and find another place.she spends most of her paycheck on 'rent' anyways.but her presence may be required.At present she is a good spy and MORE importantly a moral guide for the kids.She should strengthen her bond with the kids so that even if something happens to their parents,they will have someone to turn to. 

and yeah whatever your plan is,do not end up doing anything illegal.let me know what you decide to do as hell.Do not do anything stupid or rash.


----------



## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Update: my healthy cousin got herself and her children out of the situation.

FWIW, sociopathic cousin & her husband don't have kids. Sociopathic cousin has PCOS.


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Now send her to be eaten by the trolls under the bridge and be done with this!
XD


----------

