# INFP's and the differences between us



## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

So I've met some infp's that I just do not get. This one in particular had a very complex value system which made no sense to me even though I continually tried to empathize/rationalize. I ended up very confused and lost in a weird place in my head. She kept explaining things through her assumptions. I wonder if she ever bothered to test these assumptions before she made them part of her very intense value system. 

I just wanted to share. This encounter really discombobulated me.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

This is just based on my random observation on PC members.

Below are PC members. They have the same MBTI type, yet they are different. 

- Perseus
- Kevinaswell
- Marino
- Trope

They are INTPs and quite different to each other.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

WickedQueen said:


> This is just based on my random observation on PC members.
> 
> Below are PC members. They have the same MBTI type, yet they are different.
> 
> ...


Thatsss a good point. Especially perseus.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Yeah I often feel really different from INFPs as well. I guess it probably depends on their "nurture." We are probably naturally really similar, but may appear and be different from how we were raised and the environments in them.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Silhouetree said:


> Yeah I often feel really different from INFPs as well. I guess it probably depends on their "nurture." We are probably naturally really similar, but may appear and be different from how we were raised and the environments in them.



hmm maybe I should make thread on how we were raised and how we think it has shaped our outlook....as INFPs


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## principii (Jul 9, 2009)

thehigher said:


> hmm maybe I should make thread on how we were raised and how we think it has shaped our outlook....as INFPs


That would be an interesting thread! :happy:

My mom is an INFP, and we definitely have our differences. I concur: it's always a combo of NATURE and NURTURE.

A nurture thread, I reiterate, would be enthralling. Complex, deep, and interesting.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

thehigher said:


> hmm maybe I should make thread on how we were raised and how we think it has shaped our outlook....as INFPs


That sounds great  I'd definitely reply, although it'd probably be a long reply. You could open it up to any personality type too if you want.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> Yeah I often feel really different from INFPs as well. I guess it probably depends on their "nurture." We are probably naturally really similar, but may appear and be different from how we were raised and the environments in them.



I feel like I might be more idealistic than most INFPs, and also, as cryptonia put it "more fragile." 
This could be because of life experiences, although I believe I was always the basic core person I am now. Enneagram type might have something to do with it, since it is probable that I am not a type 4 like most INFPs. I can't remember for sure, but I think Bear said I was a 1w9. Normal (type 4) INFPs would be more interested in self-discovery, while I would pour most of my energy into trying to live up to my ideals as perfectly as possible. The fragility is probably a natural result of being a Highly Sensitive Person, and a damaged one at that. I have noticed more HSP INFJs than INFPs, so in some ways, I resemble an INFJ, until someone asks me to plan something out in detail or clean my room. Then the differences are obvious.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

snail said:


> I feel like I might be more idealistic than most INFPs, and also, as cryptonia put it "more fragile."
> This could be because of life experiences, although I believe I was always the basic core person I am now. Enneagram type might have something to do with it, since it is probable that I am not a type 4 like most INFPs. I can't remember for sure, but I think Bear said I was a 1w9. Normal (type 4) INFPs would be more interested in self-discovery, while I would pour most of my energy into trying to live up to my ideals as perfectly as possible. The fragility is probably a natural result of being a Highly Sensitive Person, and a damaged one at that. I have noticed more HSP INFJs than INFPs, so in some ways, I resemble an INFJ, until someone asks me to plan something out in detail or clean my room. Then the differences are obvious.


That's fascinating. I have got to learn about enneagram.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

principii said:


> That would be an interesting thread! :happy:
> 
> My mom is an INFP, and we definitely have our differences. I concur: it's always a combo of NATURE and NURTURE.
> 
> A nurture thread, I reiterate, would be enthralling. Complex, deep, and interesting.


Woo alright sweet! I'm gonna go do it


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## lamber (Jan 1, 2010)

you know sometimes i think people's intelligence levels might affect their personalities.... which would explain the fact that your friend didnt think through her observatiosn before integrating them into her value systems... :happy:


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

lamber said:


> you know sometimes i think people's intelligence levels might affect their personalities.... which would explain the fact that your friend didnt think through her observatiosn before integrating them into her value systems... :happy:


I wonder about that often as well.


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## mise en abyme (Nov 17, 2009)

de l'eau salée said:


> Yeah I often feel really different from INFPs as well. I guess it probably depends on their "nurture." We are probably naturally really similar, but may appear and be different from how we were raised and the environments in them.


i concur. INFPs, like any other type, might try to fit in with their family or their peers because they really have no other choice; an INFP raised by strict, earthy SJ parents might feel compelled to exercise their Si a lot. or, given more freedom (and perhaps a more stimulating environment to work with), an INFP may be able to freely use their Ne and Fi, which, to me, are my most treasured functions, as it is with other INFPs.

INFPs vary a lot from eachother. as i've said before, there are ones who gravitate more towards ethics and creative expression (Fi and Ne), and then there are more scientific ones with highly developed Te. there are some that are more cause-driven and/or people oriented, some who want to "figure things out" like INTPs, and some who are pretty laid back like ISFPs. not only does it depend on nurture, but it also depends on what their actual pre-inclinations are; there is a pretty significant difference from an RCUAI and an RLUAI, after all.

personally, of all of these, i've no idea which type of INFP i am; i feel like i can relate to each one.


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

mise en abyme said:


> i concur. INFPs, like any other type, might try to fit in with their family or their peers because they really have no other choice; an INFP raised by strict, earthy SJ parents might feel compelled to exercise their Si a lot. or, given more freedom (and perhaps a more stimulating environment to work with), an INFP may be able to freely use their Ne and Fi, which, to me, are my most treasured functions, as it is with other INFPs.
> 
> INFPs vary a lot from eachother. as i've said before, there are ones who gravitate more towards ethics and creative expression (Fi and Ne), and then there are more scientific ones with highly developed Te. there are some that are more cause-driven and/or people oriented, some who want to "figure things out" like INTPs, and some who are pretty laid back like ISFPs. not only does it depend on nurture, but it also depends on what their actual pre-inclinations are; there is a pretty significant difference from an RCUAI and an RLUAI, after all.
> 
> personally, of all of these, i've no idea which type of INFP i am; i feel like i can relate to each one.


Very good. 

I always thought my dad was an istj, but I've come to realise he's an intj. We didn't interact much, but he was a greater influence on me than my istj mother. Because of him, my Ne and Te were allowed to flourish, and I brought out his Fi. 
I'm a combination of 'figure things out' and 'people orientated'. I like figuring people out  

If enneagrams come into play here, (if one is subscribed to the theory) In real life, I find there to be a massive difference between me as an infp enneagram 9, and my 2 friends who are infp enneagram 4's. Especially those whose auxillary functions haven't developed very strongly.


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## Soma (Oct 28, 2009)

Ive thought about this and I think, at our core on a fundamental level we INFP's are similar. its what we integrate around it that makes us different.


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## mise en abyme (Nov 17, 2009)

NatalieAnne said:


> Very good.
> 
> I always thought my dad was an istj, but I've come to realise he's an intj. We didn't interact much, but he was a greater influence on me than my istj mother. Because of him, my Ne and Te were allowed to flourish, and I brought out his Fi.
> I'm a combination of 'figure things out' and 'people orientated'. I like figuring people out
> ...


yes, this is why i think that INFPs would make some of the best psychologists/shrinks; they have the perfect combination of sentimental empathy (Fi; this is different from the ability to "get in others' heads" that's observed in NTs) and the love of things abstract and holistic (Ne). i think INFJs would be good too, but i'd think that they would be better at convincing you that there was something wrong with you and then they would help you without diversions. INFPs tend to be more indirect and try to bring you to your own realizations. freud was an INFJ.

then there are INTP and INTJ psychologists, who i think are a lot better at making you feel like you're sick or something. i think jung was an INTP, the way he tied so many different influences into his work (Ti and Ne), but so many people insist that he was an INTJ.

as far as enneagrams go, i think they're more accurate, because they tell you your overall personality traits, while MBTI tells you how your mind works. in other words, the enneagram is more spiritual whereas the MBTI is more cognitive.

personally, i'm first a 4, then a 9, and then a 3/5 (they're tied), so i sometimes feel like i'm a perfect blend of INFP (although i don't like how they make it seem like if you're very introverted you have to be a 5).

what about the Si though? it seems like INFPs always skip that. it's supposed to rank third, but Te always appears to be more stressed. personally, growing up with an ISFJ mother and an ISTP father, it feels like i _have to _develop my sensing. when combined with Ne, i can get taken on a sort of trip to places and thoughts that happened in the past. i enjoy Si quite a bit, actually.

--do any of you guys ever have problems with having the functions you do? like sometimes you'd prefer to have Ni/Fe/Ti like an INFJ? this happens to me sometimes.


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## wisdom (Dec 31, 2008)

I often don't understand the differences between other INFPs and me. People's values differ, I know, but I expect more similarity, since we think alike in many ways. Mainly what doesn't make sense to me is that others aren't as hell-bent as having the world operate according to their values as I am. Maybe it's from upbringing, like being traumatized by all sorts of sources instead of being nurtured and having my natural empathy encouraged, but there was also a little "golden child" thing. A recipe for evil. I'm aware of the J flavor, but it's mostly an Internet persona.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

Online, I'd say I relate to about 10% of the INFPs very well most of the time, about 20% somewhat well much of the time, about 50% hit & miss, and there's about 20% I cannot relate to at all (I admit, I either suspect mistyping, or we just don't gel on perspectives).

I definitely think that upbringing/life experience, personal values/ideas, intelligence level, etc, all makes a difference. After all, MBTI really just determines cognitive function preferences, not your personality. 




mise en abyme said:


> there is a pretty significant difference from an RCUAI and an RLUAI, after all.


Is this the SLOAN test?

I scored RLUEI on it (and I relate to both the "Inquisitive" & "Limbic" descriptions). Are RCUAI and RLUAI the "typical" INFP scores?

I score 4w5 in enneagram, which is pretty "typical". 

Anyway, I think these tests often score motivations and behaviors, which go past cognitive functions. They're sort of like "sub-types".


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

wisdom said:


> I often don't understand the differences between other INFPs and me. People's values differ, I know, but I expect more similarity, since we think alike in many ways. Mainly what doesn't make sense to me is that others aren't as hell-bent as having the world operate according to their values as I am.


I think it comes from acknowledging that other people DO have different values and not forcing yours upon them. Many INFPs have different values than I do. If everyone is fervent about pushing their values on others, even in this forum, it's going to create a hostile environment. I used to be a lot more aggressive about telling everyone what I thought. Now, as long as I don't feel like someone is "attacking" me or my beliefs (not simply stating their beliefs) then I feel no reason to make a scene about it. Who's to say that my values are more accurate or valid than someone else's values? I find that as I get older and my perspective on life changes, so do my values to a certain extent.


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## mise en abyme (Nov 17, 2009)

OrangeAppled said:


> Online, I'd say I relate to about 10% of the INFPs very well most of the time, about 20% somewhat well much of the time, about 50% hit & miss, and there's about 20% I cannot relate to at all (I admit, I either suspect mistyping, or we just don't gel on perspectives).
> 
> I definitely think that upbringing/life experience, personal values/ideas, intelligence level, etc, all makes a difference. After all, MBTI really just determines cognitive function preferences, not your personality.
> 
> ...


yeah, that's the SLOAN. i agree, it's not as specific as the MBTI because it does have more to do with behavior than your actual thinking patterns, and there isn't a 100% relation between the two... there's only a tight correlation. for example, the Agreeableness/Egotistical dimension doesn't exactly correspond to Feeling/Thinking because a Feeler can at times be just as self-centered as a Thinker and a Thinker can be just as altruistic as a Feeler (think of the ISTJ, who feels a strong sense of duty and the desire to serve). and the Inquisitiveness/Non- seems to measure your IQ more than how iNtuitive/abstract you are (they don't always go hand in hand, although many people think they do).

but mostly it's the Limbic/Calm measurement that makes the difference, because it measures how you're actually feeling (as opposed to your over-all mode of thinking which is measured by MBTI).

and then you have the Enneagram, which is probably the most accurate tool in finding out who you really are, because it encompasses many different things at once. it measures the drives that propel thinking, feeling, and behavior.


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