# Open relationships? Is it just me or...



## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

Goodewitch said:


> Wow man,.. I gotta check out this Moose establishment, and the parking lot!
> G. x


LOL... ! :laughing:


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

I couldn't do an open relationship, as I would definitely get jealous; not to mention, I would hate knowing that my significant other was out screwing around with other people. I'm sorry, but if I'm in a relationship I want it to be a two-way thing. I want both of us to be committed to each other, and not feel the need to go out and fruck around with others at the same time. And casual sex just doesn't appeal to me; I mean, it sounds appealing, but I know it's something I would never do - I have to have feelings for the person (and I have always already been 'in a relationship' with them) before I can take that step.

Come to think about it, even if I were in a long-distance relationship (which I have been in one before), I wouldn't even want that to be open. I can handle long-distance. Sure, it may get rough and lonely at times, but I can handle it - knowing that somewhere my lover is waiting and I will be in their arms again soon :blushed: I guess I'm being a bit selfish here in saying that I would want my significant other to feel the same way about all of this. *shrug*


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## openedskittles (May 24, 2009)

Vanitas said:


> I'm possessive, open relationships wouldn't work.


I'm guilty of this, too. I'm going to be reserving an aspect of my life for this special someone and I definitely want them to reserve the same part of their own life for me. Making that trade is an important part of a romantic relationship for me and I'm not inclined to share.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

I'm kinda with you...I've always thought of sex as something deeper...something special between two people who have passion for each other...then the other part of me sees sex as nothing and the actual passion as something special

I'm really not sure...I think even if I was in an open relationship...if I had sex with someone else besides my lover, I don't think it'd mean anything, but then the sex with the person I'm with would be something supernatural...idk, I romanticize things xD


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

ahaha open relationships are for the weak, if I like a girl I want her all to myself and viceversa


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## Collossus (Dec 14, 2009)

openedskittles said:


> Oh yes, the jealousy! I can't believe I didn't mention that in the first post. I mean, if you REALLY love someone, how can you be okay with giving them away physically?


But if you REALLY love someone, how can you be okay not giving them freedom?
When you force the others to be with you, you unleash that fear of not being loved, but there is not such thing as forced love, it quickly gets into pain and loneliness.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

Collossus said:


> But if you REALLY love someone, how can you be okay not giving them freedom?


Yep, that's what I did. Not only I gave him freedom, I also gave him a new status: EX BOYFRIEND.


.


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## lantern (Feb 15, 2010)

WickedQueen said:


> Yep, that's what I did. Not only I gave him freedom, I also gave him a new status: EX BOYFRIEND.
> 
> 
> .


 LOL hahaha of course. :laughing:


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## TransparentMe (Feb 26, 2010)

Collossus said:


> But if you REALLY love someone, how can you be okay not giving them freedom?
> When you force the others to be with you, you unleash that fear of not being loved, but there is not such thing as forced love, it quickly gets into pain and loneliness.


Good question!

There's no such thing as "giving" freedom. My husband of many years is perfectly free to do whatever he wishes whether I tell him he is or not...as I am. There will be consequences--good or ill--but we are free to choose.

What's wonderful is that we both choose each other, exclusively. I am who and what he wants. How's THAT for a very nice compliment?! :laughing:


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## GuppyForce (Feb 25, 2010)

I personally am completely against open relationships. Relationships should be 1 to 1 and that is what makes them special. I seriously doubt the commitment of anyone in an open relationship. You can't really divide the specialness between a relationship with another, it just isn't really right. Also, sex should definitely be reserved for one person, and you should be very sure of that person's commitment to you. That's what makes it special.

In my country it's rare to have open relationships, which is fortunate for me.


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

Collossus said:


> But if you REALLY love someone, how can you be okay not giving them freedom?
> When you force the others to be with you, you unleash that fear of not being loved, but there is not such thing as forced love, it quickly gets into pain and loneliness.


I'm quoting a song, but I agree with what it says,_ "I don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it."_ Come on, there's .. what, 3 billions other girls in this world, 6-7 billions of options if you go both ways. If someone _can't be forced _to stay exclusive, which is what I need for a relationship, they're free to find someone else. 

Freedom, sure, but they can't make me put up with it. You'll be surprised just how far people get away with things by implying that if you don't do what they want, you don't love them.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Vanitas said:


> I'm quoting a song, but I agree with what it says,_ "I don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it."_ Come on, there's .. what, 3 billions other girls in this world, 6-7 billions of options if you go both ways. If someone _can't be forced _to stay exclusive, which is what I need for a relationship, they're free to find someone else.
> 
> Freedom, sure, but they can't make me put up with it. You'll be surprised just how far people get away with things by implying that if you don't do what they want, you don't love them.


Ah yes, that infamous line that honestly has no relevance to how much someone actually loves someone, but can be used to manipulate others into believing it is.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Vanitas said:


> Freedom, sure, but they can't make me put up with it. You'll be surprised just how far people get away with things by implying that if you don't do what they want, you don't love them.


So in other words, people who emotionally manipulate their partner suck. :angry:


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

I think that the majority of open relationships occur when intense romantic love is lacking. That's how they are able to share their partner. That type of relationship can work for some people at certain times and, if it is, then I don't see a problem with it.


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## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

openedskittles said:


> Is it just me or does anyone else find the thought of an open relationship or random sex in general extremely disgusting? I can hardly handle the thought of a girl I'm with being involved with another guy in the past or possibly future.
> 
> On one hand, I think there's definitely something more than a physical aspect to sex. I definitely see value in reserving it for the person you are involved with. I also definitely see it as marginalizing yourself to become a means for someone else to get off with no strings attached since you are nothing but an object at that point. The value in sex isn't so much the physical sensation as it is the offering of yourself and making yourself vulnerable to someone you are romantically involved with.
> 
> ...


I agree, though open relationships bother me more than random sex (when single). When you're single and not committed to anyone, anything goes, though I personally still like to use discretion either way. But when you're with someone, I see open relationships as cheapening the bond. When you're in a relationship I believe you should be in it 100%. To me, open relationships are unconsciously saying that the one you're with isn't enough.


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## Blackbird (Jan 14, 2010)

Vanitas said:


> I'm quoting a song, but I agree with what it says,_ "I don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it."_ Come on, there's .. what, 3 billions other girls in this world, 6-7 billions of options if you go both ways. If someone _can't be forced _to stay exclusive, which is what I need for a relationship, they're free to find someone else.


"S-say, what are you waiting for?

Kiss her, kiss her!"


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## JesusSuperStars (Oct 31, 2009)

I'm in an open relationship with myself. I believe that if I or my hand would like to venture into other territories then either of us should be welcomed to at any time!


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## Collossus (Dec 14, 2009)

Vanitas said:


> I'm quoting a song, but I agree with what it says,_ "I don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it."_ Come on, there's .. what, 3 billions other girls in this world, 6-7 billions of options if you go both ways. If someone _can't be forced _to stay exclusive, which is what I need for a relationship, they're free to find someone else.
> 
> Freedom, sure, but they can't make me put up with it. You'll be surprised just how far people get away with things by implying that if you don't do what they want, you don't love them.


I don't have a problem that you want to force the other one to be with you, I have a problem that you lie yourself pretending this is love.
Those people getting away by implying you don't love them because you don't do what they want, use this just as many others manipulative sentences to tell you that they don't love you, but if you lie yourself, why wouldn't they do the same? So they will pretend to themselves they feel love, when all they have is fear and jealousy.

To say it clearer: if you don't feel love (for yourself, for others, for anything), how do you expect the others to love you? You wouldn't even know it is love because you never felt it before, you would only see it as a try to manipulate and control you, because it just seems too wonderful to be true.


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## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

Something to consider - there is more than one type of "open relationship." One the one hand, you have the couple that is okay with their partner sleeping with other people, so long as they keep each other informed. This is the type that I see as being brought up in this thread and consequently bashed. 

The other end of the spectrum would be a polygamous couple, and I would hope that people would try to have some sort of understanding of this sort of happening. A polygamous couple is typically one where all members of the relationship know, love, and trust each other. It's not about sharing one person that you love, it's about everyone loving each other and sharing each other. Does that really sound so bad, so evil, so uncaring? I disagree with whomever said that it indicates a lack of passionate, intense love. I believe this sort of relationship indicates _more_ love. To be capable of loving multiple people equally and intensely is a rare feature in a person, and I think it's admirable.

I don't necessarily like bashing anything just because I find it personally abhorrent, and I think that it would be nice if other people acted similarly, but we don't all get our wishes. Think about it. There are hundreds of members on this site, and I'm willing to bet that there are some polygamists here. Each and every one of you who has declared that their way of life is disgusting has hurt these people, perhaps to the point of making them leave. This is the hard part of being on a public forum. We express our opinions, but we forget about those that we may be hurting in the mad rush to do so. It is one thing to say that it is not your lifestyle of choice, and another to condemn the lifestyle. You have no idea why a person chooses to have an open relationship. Sure, sometimes there are poor reasons, but it is unreasonable to assume that every person who is in an open relationship is doing it for a callous reason, or because they don't care about their partner.


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

*Blackbird :* LOL



Collossus said:


> I don't have a problem that you want to force the other one to be with you, I have a problem that you lie yourself pretending this is love.
> Those people getting away by implying you don't love them because you don't do what they want, use this just as many others manipulative sentences to tell you that they don't love you, but if you lie yourself, why wouldn't they do the same? So they will pretend to themselves they feel love, when all they have is fear and jealousy.


I don't think it's forcing when they're given the choice to stay or leave. Did by saying that my understanding of love was 'a lie perpetuated by fear and jealousy' (and thus,_ not_ love) was your way to say that your understanding of love is the right one and mine is wrong? ...Because I prefer exclusive relationships rather than open ones?

Why, I believe that everyone's understanding of such quintessentially abstract concept like love would differ. Some might be similar, but there's no 'right' one, there's only the ones that you believe in and live according to. Not that different from religions. 
If for you love means 'free love', go ahead, but it was no cause to call "I'm right, *so* you're wrong!" to my interpretation of a loving relationship; which happens to be 'security, respect, stability and trust'.

Open relationships wouldn't _be_ a relationship for me. It's not likely for me to be emotionally attached to someone when I'm also 'dating' other people. And I honestly can't bother to deal with the drama of communal kind of love; someone _will_ eventually choose, another will get hurt and people will end up not talking to each other. Humans, as far as I can tell, are just like that. For me boundaries in relationships are there for a reason.

If it's self-centered to want your partner's attention, romantic affection and promises for you alone, so be it,_ why not_? I would give nothing less in return. 



> To say it clearer: if you don't feel love (for yourself, for others, for anything), how do you expect the others to love you? You wouldn't even know it is love because you never felt it before, you would only see it as a try to manipulate and control you, because it just seems too wonderful to be true.


... That is so many assumptions I'm not sure how to respond. First, the sentence assumed that I don't love myself, which is not true, then it assumed that_ because_ I have no love for anything, no one would love me, which is not true again. Then it assumed that I've never loved before.. which I have.

Sorry, I lost it somewhere at the third or fourth imaginary situation. Or am I missing the point entirely? Are you trying to say that open love is this 'too wonderful' thing that I'd be missing because I won't .. --oh, I give up, I don't understand. Would you care to explain?


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