# INTJ-T female with PTSD here



## Kiri (Apr 27, 2016)

Hi. I'm not the best at introductions but here we go.

I'm female, mid-late 20's and a turbulent INTJ with PTSD. I am very emotional obviously but I still prefer to keep things inside for the most part. Disastrous combination as you can imagine but I'm getting by and improving. I'm not insane or anything in case you were wondering, :V but with my anxiety I am heavily prone to Ni-Fi loops. I have a couple good friends that help snap me out of that quickly when it does surface. One is an INTP and the other an INFP. I am quite grateful to have them both.

I am probably a 5w6 but all results have been almost equal with 4, 5, 6, and 9. I'm new to enneagrams so I suppose with time I'll figure it out. As a teen I ranked INFJ but mostly because I had a turbulent childhood and preferred to answer based on how I reacted to past situations. After a lot of reading and re-testing I always rank INTJ. My closest friends and I are quite confident that my thought process and functions are as such. I just happen to be a little more considerate of feelings than most other INTJ's I guess you could say. But I'm still not *quite* there. And that's why I'm here. To understand others better and maybe learn more about myself too.

I'm extremely introverted and not very good at introductions. I hope this doesn't sound too awkward. If it does, well, I tried. So yes, hello, I am here.


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Kiri said:


> Hi. I'm not the best at introductions but here we go.
> 
> I'm female, mid-late 20's and a turbulent INTJ with PTSD. I am very emotional obviously but I still prefer to keep things inside for the most part. Disastrous combination as you can imagine but I'm getting by and improving. I'm not insane or anything in case you were wondering, :V but with my anxiety I am heavily prone to Ni-Fi loops. I have a couple good friends that help snap me out of that quickly when it does surface. One is an INTP and the other an INFP. I am quite grateful to have them both.
> 
> ...


Well, welcome, how are you?

Yes, I have some similar problems, how curious and interesting? I hope you make yourself at home here and snuggle up.

You can PM me if you have any questions to ask.


----------



## Pretender (Apr 27, 2016)

Hello there! You sound like an INFJ. 
I can see how a hurt NF would resort to faux-Thinker behavior in order to protect their sanity, as a defense mechanism. 

In any case, best wishes to you in overcoming whatever trauma you had to deal with. I wish I could be more encouraging and supportive... but I'm an INTJ and my heart is full of rocks.


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

But I am an INFP

And my heart is full of warmth, full bodied passion, and love.

I'd bottled it. And sell it.

But there's only one, and it's not something I can call upon at whim, it just happens; I don't know why! Nature, is but a cold and mysterious tempestuous and unyielding beast.


----------



## Kiri (Apr 27, 2016)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> Well, welcome, how are you?
> 
> Yes, I have some similar problems, how curious and interesting? I hope you make yourself at home here and snuggle up.
> 
> You can PM me if you have any questions to ask.


Thank you! I am doing alright today. Bit tired. I should be in bed.



Pretender said:


> Hello there! You sound like an INFJ.
> I can see how a hurt NF would resort to faux-Thinker behavior in order to protect their sanity, as a defense mechanism.
> 
> In any case, best wishes to you in overcoming whatever trauma you had to deal with. I wish I could be more encouraging and supportive... but I'm an INTJ and my heart is full of rocks.


Thanks, but I still make decisions based more on a logical outcome, not based on feelings of myself or others. I do consider them far more than others though, yes. I've been through years of therapy with the intent of me being more open with my emotions so I can see how you would think I'm an INFJ, but I'm most definitely not. I still struggle with opening up about them and I can still be quite insensitive and detached.


----------



## Pretender (Apr 27, 2016)

Kiri said:


> Thanks, but I still make decisions based more on a logical outcome, not based on feelings of myself or others. I do consider them far more than others though, yes. I've been through years of therapy with the intent of me being more open with my emotions so I can see how you would think I'm an INFJ, but I'm most definitely not. I still struggle with opening up about them and I can still be quite insensitive and detached.


Every NFJ I've know viewed themselves as a logical person. Bless their hearts.

But hey, for all I know you might be INTJ. Like the antique meme goes: "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog"


----------



## Kiri (Apr 27, 2016)

Pretender said:


> Every NFJ I've know viewed themselves as a logical person. Bless their hearts.
> 
> But hey, for all I know you might be INTJ. Like the antique meme goes: "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog"


That's fine. I really don't need to prove myself to you. It's not really worth my time. :V


----------



## lukebtc (Apr 18, 2016)

Hello there!

Why do you have PTSD? And why is it relevant to defining yourself to others?

And don't worry if you're awkward! It's the internet! You're among friends


----------



## Pretender (Apr 27, 2016)

Kiri said:


> That's fine. I really don't need to prove myself to you. It's not really worth my time. :V


Yeah, mine neither.


----------



## Kiri (Apr 27, 2016)

Pretender said:


> Yeah, mine neither.


What an interesting way to get your post count up though. That, or you care far more than you admit.



lukebtc said:


> Hello there!
> 
> Why do you have PTSD? And why is it relevant to defining yourself to others?
> 
> And don't worry if you're awkward! It's the internet! You're among friends


I've found myself misunderstood in a number of situations and I think that it's a factor. It's not exactly something I can control and I've come to terms that it's a part of me now. 

My father died of suicide while I was present. I handled it very internally and snapped after a while. It's taken me a long time to deal with the fact that I can't keep bottling these things away anymore. I keep two close friends but I tend to hurt people who don't understand what might seem to them as "erratic" behavior.


----------



## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

Kiri said:


> What an interesting way to get your post count up though. That, or you care far more than you admit.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Could you be more specific when you say "erratic behavior"?


----------



## lukebtc (Apr 18, 2016)

Kiri said:


> I've found myself misunderstood in a number of situations and I think that it's a factor. It's not exactly something I can control and I've come to terms that it's a part of me now.
> 
> My father died of suicide while I was present. I handled it very internally and snapped after a while. It's taken me a long time to deal with the fact that I can't keep bottling these things away anymore. I keep two close friends but I tend to hurt people who don't understand what might seem to them as "erratic" behavior.


That's quite traumatic D:

It's good that you have close friends that you can trust. Much better than having many friends that aren't close.


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Kiri said:


> What an interesting way to get your post count up though. That, or you care far more than you admit.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ah yes, I have had some similar experiences. 

it's really hard to find people who understand, and society can be very shallow, quick to judge and label.


----------



## Acrylic (Dec 14, 2015)

.


----------



## LeftEyeDominant (Aug 15, 2015)

Hello and Welcome.

I hope you enjoy your stay here.

As far as your type is concerned, a lot of people get confused between INTJ and INFJ and justify their types by saying "oh I'm an INTJ because I'm mostly logical" or "Oh I'm an INFJ because I do care about people" and etc. But how to really figure out which one is your type is by learning the difference between Te and Ti and Fe and Fi. I don't know how far you are in understanding the personality theory, but yeah, just in case you are confused. 

About your PTSD, I am not diagnosed or whatsoever, but I myself can empathize with people who've had traumatic events that probably shocked them and changed the way they see the world. I myself have been in a lot of crap as a kid and those memories unconsciously haunt me till now. Thus, why it was hard for me to determine what my true personality type was lol

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that you have PTSD. I hope things are going well or will go well, if you're in a somehow messed up situation.


----------



## 33778 (Feb 26, 2012)

Welcome to perc. Interesting introduction thanks for the reading. I'm glad you decided to join us and I hope you  like it here


----------



## Kiri (Apr 27, 2016)

xrx said:


> Could you be more specific when you say "erratic behavior"?


I would prefer not to recall certain events. Sometimes I'm not the best at expressing what I feel to people. So they end up getting confused when I react a certain way because I did so without any hint that I was going to react that way. Does that make sense?

I've lost acquaintances/friends this way and I've been trying to get better about it. 



lukebtc said:


> That's quite traumatic D:
> 
> It's good that you have close friends that you can trust. Much better than having many friends that aren't close.


This is true. I was only expecting to be close to maybe one person in my life and I would have quite honestly been happy with that. I just consider myself lucky that I have found another that's stuck with me through thick and thin. I'm not exactly easy to get close to so there was a lot of patience and persistence on their part, haha.



Meteoric Shadows said:


> Ah yes, I have had some similar experiences.
> 
> it's really hard to find people who understand, and society can be very shallow, quick to judge and label.


It can be. Even people you're more acquainted with can find things like this hard to grasp.



LeftEyeDominant said:


> Hello and Welcome.
> 
> I hope you enjoy your stay here.
> 
> ...



This I understand, and I've known and spent enough time looking at MBTI off of this website and asking my friends honestly to know what I am. Truth is, INTJ's are not emotionless (as much as they may like to think) and care a great deal about the select few they allow into their lives. I'm much more mature now so seeing other INTJ's go "I have no heart!" is kind of funny to me. Younger me would have claimed that all of the time. I know that I too have had events as a child that made it hard to determine what I was. Things have settled for me in the past two years and I no longer need therapy so I felt it was the best time to test again and I came up as INTJ. Traumatic events may help shape us as people but I don't think they cause base function changes. 

I see myself joining PerC as a way to help myself understand the world as I've come back to it. This isn't exactly the easiest thing for me to do. Thank you all for being so kind.


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Welcome @Kiri. I'm really sorry for the experiences you've been through and that you're still dealing with PTSD. I'm Turbulent too even though I don't really have much reason for it. I had some medical trauma as a kid but nothing emotionally wounding like you have been through. I wish you well with working through it and hope you find the forum engaging and valuable. 



Pretender said:


> Hello there! You sound like an INFJ.
> I can see how a hurt NF would resort to faux-Thinker behavior in order to protect their sanity, as a defense mechanism.





Pretender said:


> Every NFJ I've know viewed themselves as a logical person. Bless their hearts.


While I agree that INFJs tend to see themselves as logical (which - they can be! - but tertiary Ti is quite different than auxiliary Te) I think it would perhaps be conscientious to allow new posters a bit of time before questioning their type and pointing out weaknesses of the type you're suggesting for them


----------



## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Hi, I'm also a mid-20s INTJ. I don't have PTSD (not diagnosed anyway), but I've had panic disorder, probably since childhood and I've had a therapist say some of the symptoms/problems I describe sound similar to PTSD. I don't know if I'm "turbulent", test puts me moderately to the assertive side, but I can't tell if that's me pushing the results in a certain direction... I have been told I'm calm by several people though, which I find incredibly ironic :laughing: So maybe it is accurate haha. Anyway, don't mean to ramble. But I get what you mean about emotional development, as I think I've sorta been forced to mature emotionally more than the average INTJ. I notice many NT's my age seem so full of themselves... I thought they'd outgrow that after adolescence. Hmm.. speaking of which.. you might find this channel useful?


----------



## Vunar (Apr 1, 2016)

Hello,

Well I'm INFJ with PTSD and you sound almost like me. You feel like someone about 25-30 and using Ti for decisions. I have most score in 6 and exactly the same in 4, 5, 9.

I would say its mostly because of my high Fe and I suffer other people negative emotions and there was a time where I could not see difference between my own and someone else's.

So far from my experience in INTJ vs INFJ would say that INTJ have quite predictable patterns, they stick to rules and care mostly about efficiency and because of that they see one (best/quickest/most efficient option) or very few outcomes of a scenario. INFJ are unpredictable and see way to many outcomes of a scenario and most of them are negative outcomes and they need a lot of information from different sources to be sure about something. The most confident that I could be about something is max 99%. Type 6 is also full of estimates and possibilities.

Even the Mental Health issues follow similar pattern. I noticed that INTJ often are misdiagnosed with Autism spectrum disorders whilst INFJ with anxiety, psychosis and PTSD.

Childhood, good times...not.

Your posts sound like "I don't know who I am, my friends don't know and strangers on the net definitely don't know me"

Do you have fear of heights ? That somehow when you lean over the ledge that you will lose control of your body or that a wind will blow you away ?


----------



## Kiri (Apr 27, 2016)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Hi, I'm also a mid-20s INTJ. I don't have PTSD (not diagnosed anyway), but I've had panic disorder, probably since childhood and I've had a therapist say some of the symptoms/problems I describe sound similar to PTSD. I don't know if I'm "turbulent", test puts me moderately to the assertive side, but I can't tell if that's me pushing the results in a certain direction... I have been told I'm calm by several people though, which I find incredibly ironic :laughing: So maybe it is accurate haha. Anyway, don't mean to ramble. But I get what you mean about emotional development, as I think I've sorta been forced to mature emotionally more than the average INTJ. I notice many NT's my age seem so full of themselves... I thought they'd outgrow that after adolescence. Hmm.. speaking of which.. you might find this channel useful?


You know, it's funny. I've been told by my INTP friend that I'm normally "very calm" even though I do have PTSD. Maybe it's just an INTJ thing? 

Yeah I've had to mature rather quickly. I've met an INTJ recently who was really full of himself. He was older maybe by about four to five years so I was really confused about how he could come to the conclusions he did as "fact" so quickly. I could have corrected him but I didn't think he was worth my time. Maybe he would have appreciated it but it's too much investment in someone I don't know.

Thank you for the link. I'll check that out!



Vunar said:


> Hello,
> 
> Well I'm INFJ with PTSD and you sound almost like me. You feel like someone about 25-30 and using Ti for decisions. I have most score in 6 and exactly the same in 4, 5, 9.
> 
> ...


I don't think that's the case. People who know me know my patterns. Acquaintances of course don't. Sometimes I consider some friends acquaintances because they didn't know "me" so to speak. Back when I was less stable I'd try to keep in control, but you know how PTSD is and I could get set off for one thing. Now that isn't the case so much.

It's funny, I spent a good bit of my life adamantly thinking I was INFJ but at the same time I didn't dig into MBTI to figure out the functions. Now that I have INFJ does not at all sound like me. 

From what I am reading INTJ's are typically 4 5 and 6. I have scored 4w5 before but I plan on testing myself at a later date to see what I get and read up on things more. I want to make sure it's right. I have also read that turbulents tend to score a little differently. I'll keep looking it up for sure.

I think all types can get PTSD. The reason it manifested in me is likely because I tried dealing with everything internally. My therapy was "talk therapy" because I was all locked up and even unwilling to speak to the therapist because I normally did not share my feelings. It took me a long time to open up.

I don't have fear of heights. 

A lot of my friends in school could describe me as stoic. They didn't want to hug me because they thought I'd break. Or maybe they were just scared to. Either way it's funny looking back at that now.


----------



## Vunar (Apr 1, 2016)

Talking therapy doesn't work for PTSD and Trauma. You need T-CBT or EMDR. You might be suffering from DID and OCD because they go hand in hand with PTSD. Talking therapy is good for depression, understanding anxiety, low-self esteem and different "wrong" thinking, values, beliefs and it is very good for learning to be able to talk about what is going on inside of you. PTSD is psychological trauma, a memory filling error and it is not related to the issue with your values, beliefs, feelings or thinking. Basically you will spend time being triggered every now and then and just spend unnecessary amount of time trying to inhibit your reactions to the triggers.

"very calm" = implosive anger


----------



## Fitz.CB (4 mo ago)

Kiri said:


> Hi. I'm not the best at introductions but here we go.
> 
> I'm female, mid-late 20's and a turbulent INTJ with PTSD. I am very emotional obviously but I still prefer to keep things inside for the most part. Disastrous combination as you can imagine but I'm getting by and improving. I'm not insane or anything in case you were wondering, :V but with my anxiety I am heavily prone to Ni-Fi loops. I have a couple good friends that help snap me out of that quickly when it does surface. One is an INTP and the other an INFP. I am quite grateful to have them both.
> 
> ...



Hello, Kiri, I know almost exactly what you are feeling. 
I am an INTJ-T Female, with PTSD, as well.
Though I am not the same age as you, I often feel lost.
I don't know how to feel, or what people expect me to feel.
I'm so confused on who I am or who I'm supposed to be.
If you ever want to talk, I am here.
I really wished to find someone like you, who can relate to what I am feeling (in a way).


----------

