# NTs, how do you feel about being hired for your looks?



## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Wouldn't care. I can't control my looks, if they get me stuff that's good, if not its not the end of the world.
The same can be said for my intelligence, when I was younger I didn't make a concerted effort to be clever it just happened to be, so I don't see any difference in being hired for either.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

Eh, it depends. As long as it isn't the sole reason I'm hired, it doesn't matter that much to me.

I once was offered a job as a stripper at a high-end club. I was offended and told the guy so. Although, in hindsight...maybe those girls ARE the smart ones...a lot of them used that income to pay for law school, etc... :wink:

I tend to dress on the conservative side (think Banana Republic), and one of my clients told me that I should use my looks to gain more clients...he even made specific suggestions like "wear lower-cut shirts and shorter skirts". FWIW, he's a financial adviser...maybe he's on to something...


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## quadrivium (Nov 6, 2011)

I suspect that my looks have boosted my chances in the past. But who cares? Once I'm hired, I prove to be a good asset to the company. I can't really help it if I am attractive to others. Props to plain people.

I currently work in a male-dominated field, and they are all respectful.. to my face, at least. I suppose that's all I can really ask of them.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

TheBoss said:


> I sympathize. Been in your shoes and was by both sexes.


Oh dear, that sounds bad. My empathies.

Thanks for all the tips. The complication is that rejecting the guy must be balanced with the maintenance of a good working relationship. If I'm in a client servicing position, I must be generating enough profits for the company for me to keep my job. If I don't maintain enough clients or sell enough products, I will lose my job.

In the case of Senior Management, they are sometimes the boss of my boss. Imagine the havoc they can create in my career if I piss them off. 

I think some tips are great but some tips cannot be used because of the reasons above.



TheBoss said:


> - Style. I have a stare that sends chills down the spines. Unpleasant chills. It stops most of them dead. Perhaps, you have a similar look that you can implement.


OK, I can't glare at a client if I hope to sell him something later on.



TheBoss said:


> - If you are in relationship, use it. Let it be known (but not flaunted <- emphasis) that there is only one for you and you have already found him.


Tried that. Hasn't worked. Client wanted to know what my boyfriend did for a living and hinted that he could give me a better lifestyle. I don't think it would even matter if I were married. These guys might not be interested in a relationship, just sex.



TheBoss said:


> - Style again but theatrical now. Appear less alluring. Talking about football like you sell hot dogs in a stadium is somewhat a turn off. Do not be funny - that's alluring. Or let it be know you are looking for something they can't be/have.


I'm conservatively dressed at work. No low cut tops or short skirts for me. I'm not even warm. INFJs like me are generally cool and reserved by nature. Perhaps the fact that I'm aloof spurred them on. It's like a game to make me melt.




TheBoss said:


> - Make it known. If they know you will talk, they might think twice. Example is sharing the mobile messages publicly. Raise your eye brow visibly, raise the mobile and publicly give a show off of deleting his message. Make sure HE sees that and he is also aware other people did too. Stare at his general direction (but NOT directly at him) as you do that.


Unfortunately, we are often not at the same place when the guy texts me. I've made jokes of the salacious messages I got from the Managing Director to all my colleagues. But the guy hits on so many women in the office that it's not a big deal. And no one can do anything about it.

For a client, I cannot afford to offend him if I want to keep his business.



TheBoss said:


> - Being a tomboy/childish in encounters outside work. I have noticed some men (some very rich and established men - old too), lose interest if they see you as child. You see, a tomboy child is not sensually alluring no matter how beautiful she looks. This is the absolutely best way to handle powerful men, because it will not make them enemies. It is even possible to make them friends.


Unfortunately, I am not always alone with these men. If I behave childishly, my colleagues/boss would think poorly of me as well. 



TheBoss said:


> - Be competitive in a way you show you think of him as nothing more than a floor mop. Men very often have confidence built upon thin air. This happens especially (~100% chance) with persistent, wanna_be_but_not_quite_there_yet, as*holes. Confront his views, opinions, even jokes whenever he addresses you. Use facts to shutter him in pieces. Avoid irony if possible, instead use hard facts (they HATE that). Even in front of people if he doesn't get the point. At best he will be avoiding your company at all costs, at worse he will become an enemy but will also stop seeing you as sexual object.


Can't afford to piss off a client if I want to retain his business. Or to offend Senior Management who could destroy my career.



TheBoss said:


> - The best way is to be kind but straightforward. With decent men, a honest, polite talk will work. "Thank you for your interest, it is flattering (it doesn't matter if you don't really feel thankful and you find it anything but flattering - it somehow kills their drive if you say it and protects you from him becoming hostile) but, I want us to remain strictly business partners. Can we?". Cast a tiny politeness smile and you are done.
> This works with most. There are plenty rational or/and understanding men, that will stop if they see they make you sad/uncomfortable. Tell them how you real feel and they are very likely to understand and act appropriately.


This is perhaps the best approach.

Thanks once again for all your input!


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

redmanXNTP said:


> What would they be paying me?


A basic and comission based on how much you can sell. Less clients, less pay.




Empecinado said:


> Exploitation doesn't always have to have such a negative connotation. You are utilising it.


What I meant was, if you want to use your looks, then you have to deal with the pressure to have sex with someone you don't want to.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Rouge said:


> What I meant was, if you want to use your looks, then you have to deal with the pressure to have sex with someone you don't want to.


And that's where your fictitious venereal disease comes in . . .


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

redmanXNTP said:


> And that's where your fictitious venereal disease comes in . . .


LOL, I like your sense of humour. But can you imagine these guys telling other people from work that I have a venereal disease! :laughing:


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Rouge said:


> LOL, I like your sense of humour. But can you imagine these guys telling other people from work that I have a venereal disease! :laughing:


I'm just trying to be helpful. :wink:

My impression here is that unless you absolutely need this job and the income to live (and it sounds like you don't), this job sounds like a poor fit and you're going to feel miserable and resentful quite quickly. You obviously are the classic NT, viewing your intellectual identity as being central to your talents and identity. This job will afford you little room for that, and in fact seems to require that you minimize those aspects of you in large part so as not to be off-putting to the men you are serving. 

Mental health and motivation connected with one's job are worth a significant amount of money. You might be able to make this arrangement work for a while through sheer effort and (from what I gather) your social savvy, but I don't see this as being a winner of an opportunity for you. 

Ask yourself whether this job will afford you enough compensation and other opportunities (e.g. social exposure) that you'd be willing to leave it in 2-4 years and go do something else. 

Also keep in mind the harsh realities of being a woman, given that your sex appeal seems central to this particular job: how long do you expect to remain sexy and attractive - as defined not by you but by your superiors and clients - beyond this point in your life?


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