# Feeling abandoned, uncared for, worthless



## Jor (Sep 2, 2014)

I had an INFJ girlfriend. She could not handle my mood swings caused by intense fear of abandonment and jealousy, so she left me. I scared her off with my moods. So we do not talk anymore. This causes so much rage and frustration in me. I was in a dark time of my life and she left me. It feels like I was drowning in an ocean trying to grab her hand and she pushed me down further in the water. I feel abandoned, uncared for, tossed aside, and neglected, like I'm nothing. I feel like she was being very selfish and it brings me so much rage. She told me she cares about me and I see now according to her actions that that was a lie. I often feel suicidal after thinking about this, and today is just another one of those days where I helplessly suffer through suicidality and feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred :crying: ... I have no idea what to do. I have no friends. Nobody else cares about me either. People hate me and just toss me aside like I'm decaying trash. I feel so neglected and worthless and it makes me feel suicidal. I have no one to talk to this about, and I can't get a therapist right now because my insurance company won't let me see someone close to my area (even they don't care about my well-being either). I just want to die. :crying:


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## Tao Te Ching (May 3, 2013)

This thread is a good start, it says you are ready to talk. The next step is talking to a professional. You, as a male, are less likely to seek the help you deserve because " men don't cry" or whatever we were taught. Remember that, you are worth love, and affection, including your own.

How do you love yourself when you don't feel it ? One day at a time treating yourself like you wish your loved ones treated themselves, eat real food, sleep, exercise... And stop punishing yourself. Your only job is to make it to the end of the day and when you feel you cannot, BREATHE, in...........out...... Everything in life is transient, the moon, the stars and your suffering will pass, in time.


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

First, if you are really thinking on taking your life, you should urgently talk to a professional, that's the first step on healing. Knowing you need help and looking for it.

Second, you can put everything you feel and have in only one person, she is only your reflection of your deep problems, the things is your deep problems doesn't have a figure or isn't something you can't see but she is, so you will think she is the source of everything.


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## Jetsune Lobos (Apr 23, 2012)

Jor said:


> I had an INFJ girlfriend. She could not handle my mood swings caused by intense fear of abandonment and jealousy, so she left me. I scared her off with my moods. So we do not talk anymore. This causes so much rage and frustration in me. I was in a dark time of my life and she left me. It feels like I was drowning in an ocean trying to grab her hand and she pushed me down further in the water. I feel abandoned, uncared for, tossed aside, and neglected, like I'm nothing. I feel like she was being very selfish and it brings me so much rage. She told me she cares about me and I see now according to her actions that that was a lie.


I don't know the full scope of the relationship, but indeed she probably left as an act of self-preservation. Maybe she was afraid you'd drag her down with you or...I don't know. Like I said, I don't know enough about the situation. If anything can be gleamed from this post though, it's that you have issues. It's alright - most of us do.



> I often feel suicidal after thinking about this, and today is just another one of those days where I helplessly suffer through suicidality and[...]


So don't think about it? Easier said then done, yeah? But the constant rumination is what's killing you here. The break up is over and done with, and forever in the past. No matter how much you whine and pine over it it's not coming back. Now the most obvious solution is to seek something of value that mitigates these sentiment of worthlessness. 

A rebound relationship is probably a bad idea. 

Therapy is of one of the the more practical methods of help, but is definitely not the only means for getting yourself out of this debilitating mire. There are things in life outside of a dead relationship. But I don't know you, or your tastes, or else I'd help you find them.



> feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred


 Join the club 



> :crying: ... I have no idea what to do.


Neither does anybody else.



> I have no friends.


ditto 



> Nobody else cares about me either. People hate me and just toss me aside like I'm decaying trash. I feel so neglected and worthless and it makes me feel suicidal.


The amount of people on this inconsequential dot is staggering. These days you literally can not go anywhere and not be affronted with the presence of other people. There are just too many. I promise you, no matter how fucked up you think you might be, there will always be people out there who will love you. But how do you think you'll find them?



> I have no one to talk to this about, and I can't get a therapist right now because my insurance company won't let me see someone close to my area (even they don't care about my well-being either). I just want to die. :crying:


You're in a bad spot man, and it sucks some major shit that you don't have anyone to help you deal. Activities are distracting but other people are what bring the actual relief. What about your family?


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## lackofmops (Mar 13, 2014)

Sorry man. I hope things look up for you, and I'm sure they will.
*brofist*


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## Jor (Sep 2, 2014)

I feel okay now. I am seeing things a bit more rationally. Maybe it was the 11 hours of sleep I got. I had a bad mood swing when I wrote this (I think I have BPD; I'm trying to get an official diagnosis). Thank you to those who replied. I am barely surviving these "everyone hates me there's something severely messed up with my core being" mood swings which lead to a helpless self-hatred feeling. I then don't know how to manage it and go all crazy like in my original post. My self-esteem is on very thin ice at all times and my self-image is very negative, and if someone triggers further negativity in my self-image, I lose my sanity and start pouring blame and rage towards that person. The ex-girlfriend called me a few rude names and left me, so my self-image has been stomped on and I'm trying to recover, though I have no idea how. I suppose a normal person would just shrug it off, but I can't seem to do that.


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## sleepingnereid (Oct 31, 2014)

Jor said:


> I feel okay now. I am seeing things a bit more rationally. Maybe it was the 11 hours of sleep I got. I had a bad mood swing when I wrote this (I think I have BPD; I'm trying to get an official diagnosis). Thank you to those who replied. I am barely surviving these "everyone hates me there's something severely messed up with my core being" mood swings which lead to a helpless self-hatred feeling. I then don't know how to manage it and go all crazy like in my original post. My self-esteem is on very thin ice at all times and my self-image is very negative, and if someone triggers further negativity in my self-image, I lose my sanity and start pouring blame and rage towards that person. The ex-girlfriend called me a few rude names and left me, so my self-image has been stomped on and I'm trying to recover, though I have no idea how. I suppose a normal person would just shrug it off, but I can't seem to do that.


many of us have been there...


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

She was actually doing you both a favour by leaving you, though you won't see it now.

You need to learn to love yourself. That'll solve 100% of all your problems.


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## Sirius Black (Sep 28, 2014)

I believe you can change yourselves. Look at your positive values. You still have a gift, life. And that's the most valuable of yours.
I don't agree if you see everyone hates you. Maybe you have not found true partner for yourselves.

Don't judge it because someone walk off in your life, you judge everyone hates you.
My ex said to me "don't judge everyone hates you, but judge what's wrong with me."
Learn to love yourself, dude. It will be brighter than before 

You can love your partner if you found the greatness of yourself


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

***


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## CherishYourHeart (Nov 2, 2014)

Unfortunately, not everyone has the capacity to help you when you're at your lowest. It does feel like she was selfish, but she also probably didn't know what to do. People say they care, but they may bolt when something comes unexpected. Have you tried online therapy? There are sites that take insurance. The best step is to talk to someone professional and increase your community supports. There has to be someone that cares, or can introduce to you more support.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Jealousy and moods swings indicates mistrust - she probably left you for the same reason that you feel for her now . Just you're seeing it in a different lighting ; believe it or not it's for the best that the relationship has ended , I'm glad your 11 hours of sleep cleared your mind , remembered time heals everything and perhaps try to motivate itself to do something or find a new hobby ; you can start slow by watching slap stick comedies that - laughter usually make you forget about the pain for a short instant or go on a mini road trip . Best of luck .


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

That's when my long distance boy left me, too, when I needed him the most. He was the only person to understand me on such a level I thought no one could and now he's not talking to me anymore because he doesn't believe in long distance relationships. I felt like it was the end of the world, too, but I took on hobbies. I stopped caring to make plans with people because they would always break them. If they want to hang out with me, they know my number and can reach me but I don't go out of my way anymore. I just ended up relying on myself and getting used to my own routines to not care anymore. It's helped that I don't care to be around people anymore if they're not going to make the time for me. I only keep in touch with a select few friends.

If you stop trying to talk to people, they should come to you.


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## O_o (Oct 22, 2011)

You may disagree with this or not find it comforting and I'm very sorry if you don't. 

But I feel like that entire situations provided for a good learning opportunity. You are aware of your own insecurities and there is such a strength in that! It's one of the most important steps one can take, have the recognition present and knowing what you need to work from. 

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel worthless though. I genuinely believe that this alone time is beneficial for you. 

And honestly... you can't necessarily expect your girlfriend to cure you from this or that it was her responsibility necessarily to do so. It's not fair for her either. In a relationship both individuals should be growing, and for this dynamic to become possible in the first place one needs to deal with their own insecurities first. 

You really can't cure your own insecurities through being in a relationship. And you really can't expect your significant other to take on that role. That's something an individual needs to do for themselves. 

So take this as a learning opportunity. There is no need to dwell on what he should and couldn't have done it'll only result in your own frustration (you're only hurting yourself). Stuff happened. It has helped you recognize which aspects of yourself you need to work on. And the very best thing you could possibly do for yourself now is to work on this, so your next relationship will be healthier. 

Best of luck buddy, you're certainly and definitely not worthless.


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