# Better to have loved and lost?



## greencore (Mar 18, 2009)

Just wondering,
Would you rather love deeply and lose, or never taste love at all? 

There are endless ways to interpret it, like joy and pain vs nothing.

How do you see it and which is better?


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Hmm, my opinion changes on this question somewhat often, but I think I'd rather love and lose than to never love at all. If I got to love, at least I got to experience the bliss, and the sadness, although probably despising it in the present moment, would inspire me to do something creative or out of the ordinary (hopefully not suicide...). The sadness would pass eventually, and when I would look back at my happy times, it would make me happy that I was once happy (if that makes sense :tongue.


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## sooner (Jun 30, 2009)

I would rather never fall in love. Therefore you cant ever taste it and don't ever miss it.


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## mcgooglian (Nov 12, 2008)

I say don't fall in love. 
Didn't Daylightsun have that same avatar at one point? it looks familiar.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Love.


askdjfhasd < --to make 10 characters to post.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Distress*



sooner said:


> I would rather never fall in love. Therefore you cant ever taste it and don't ever miss it.



Watered down love, I can probably handle this. Or dried out love would be better without all the tears.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

I'd rather love and lose, even if it's fleeting. I don't care if I have to live in misery, as long as I get to experience that feeling. But that's just me :blushed:


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

Love and Lost.. One grows from it, learns from it and actually does that for themself.. 



mcgooglian said:


> I say don't fall in love.
> Didn't Daylightsun have that same avatar at one point? it looks familiar.


Yes she did.


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## thewindlistens (Mar 12, 2009)

Love, without a doubt.


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## Dr. Metallic (Nov 15, 2008)

greencore said:


> There are endless ways to interpret it, like joy and pain vs nothing.
> 
> How do you see it and which is better?


The pain stings horribly, but it points to that which had been enjoyed.
Turn back the clock and avoid the enjoyment whose absence leaves a void? Of course not.
Ignorance is not bliss.


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## mcgooglian (Nov 12, 2008)




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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

Its better to love, you gain a lot of experience emotionally from love & break ups.

Although I won't feel the same next time I have a broken heart...


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## Antagonist (Mar 27, 2009)

I don't learn from experiences and I dwell on the past all of the time, so I would have to say the second one.


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

Antagonist said:


> I don't learn from experiences and I dwell on the past all of the time, so I would have to say the second one.


I've learned from my mistakes. Little things, but nonetheless its helped me have a better relationship with my boyfriend now.


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## mcgooglian (Nov 12, 2008)

I always hear the negative things and horror stories so that's definitely turned me off the whole love thing. Plus the whole romantic thing doesn't appeal to me either. I'm in a great spot aren't I?:tongue:


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

mcgooglian said:


> I always hear the negative things and horror stories so that's definitely turned me off the whole love thing. Plus the whole romantic thing doesn't appeal to me either. I'm in a great spot aren't I?:tongue:


nah you don't have to be in a relationship or get married in life. My uncle is 47 and a Bachelor, doesn't go out looking for ladies, just keeps to himself. I've never seen him with a girlfriend before. Some people are A-sexual. although I imagine he has a lot of porn.


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## mcgooglian (Nov 12, 2008)

BehindSmile said:


> nah you don't have to be in a relationship or get married in life. My uncle is 47 and a Bachelor, doesn't go out looking for ladies, just keeps to himself. I've never seen him with a girlfriend before. Some people are A-sexual. although I imagine he has a lot of porn.


I know, I don't plan on being in a relationship anytime soon though I do enjoy some mild flirting occasionally just for the fun of it. I never actually go out looking for someone to date though. I've always been the one people go to for advice for a lot of stuff (including relationships despite never being in one) so I've heard plenty of horror stories.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

Never fall in love, don't need anyone, and don't have any feelings for anyone... 
Ah, that's heaven.


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## Decon (Dec 9, 2008)

Hooded Knight said:


> Ignorance is not bliss.


This is very true. I'm still trying to get over my first love, but I know it's a good experience. When I see cute or attractive girls while I'm out and about, and now I know that it's lust.


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

In order to understand you have to try love, even if it might fail and scars you deeply for eternity. Living a life without having at least tried it is a waste. As long as you have not tried it, you can not decide if it is your thing or not. And there is probably nothing worse than people with prejudges (I think we all know this, since everyone of us has to fight prejudges about his type, gender, race). If you don't try, you can't rate. If you don not try you MUSTN'T rate. 

I would rather try it and get hurt badly than to never try and miss out on the experience. You can not be grateful for your freedom if you have not tried love. You can not be grateful for love if you have not tried freedom. Fire and Water; Day and Night; Yin and Yang; balance.


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## CJay3113 (Dec 31, 2008)

Never taste love at all. If it's not going to work out then it becomes an empty space of regret. At least in my eyes. I see no point of holding on to the memory.


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## Ti Dominant (Sep 25, 2010)

*It's subjective. If you value love, obviously it's better have loved and lost.
If you could give a rat's ass, then obviously you shouldn't love at all and the hurt of a lost love seems irrational.*


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## Turelie (Jul 22, 2010)

Definitely love. It's wonderful while it lasts, and if it falls apart, the pain can be used to learn great lessons.


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

As one person said, I haven't tried, so I cannot rate. So therefore, because I have never fallen/been in love, I really don't know whether it is better to be in one or the other. 

If the question was changed to which is easier, I can definitely answer that for myself. Per my background, being alone and never experiencing it is much easier, because my life would remain as it is right now if that is what I chose.


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## Dreamer (Feb 5, 2010)

never fall in love
_

sings:
and I'll never fall in love again..._


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## lib (Sep 18, 2010)

"Never fall in love" 
My guess is that this gets most votes from Ts and the "Loved and lost" thus gets most votes from Fs.


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## nottie (Mar 2, 2011)

Love. Hell, I would rather have just the pain than no experience at all. xD Is that masochistic? Possibly.


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## SenhorFrio (Apr 29, 2010)

love and lost or you'll spend your life thinking love will be a silver bullet to all your problems!


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## Orion (Jan 25, 2011)




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## lumpunzik (Jan 27, 2009)

SenhorFrio said:


> love and lost or you'll spend your life thinking love will be a silver bullet to all your problems!


_*starts elaborate research project to either verify or invalidate this claim, goes on over 200 dates in 4 months breaking some kind of NT record, eventually meets another NT doing exactly the same thing...*_

NT stereotypes aside, I agree.


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## unico (Feb 3, 2011)

I suppose I would prefer to have loved and lost, but when that happened to me the last time I was suicidally depressed for years. I would say mentally relatively stable I would prefer love and its loss Even if it got sad, I wouldn't spend months in bed, unresponsive.


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## Nasmoe (Nov 11, 2009)

It's better to have loved and lost because that's the only way you'll realize you were better off single. -my cynical answer
It's better to have loved and lost because no matter what you learn something from it.


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## Bunker Man (Jan 4, 2011)

I didn't vote, because to be honest, I don't consider these to be that big of a difference. 

I suppose if given the options, if you loved and lost it would always be affecting your mind, but if you never had your mind would be presumably more clear to get by doing other things. Or... what are the conditions? What does the "lost" mean? Were you married for fifteen years, and then they died, which would be a "loss," since you still had plenty of life left without them? It's possible that under those conditions someone might say that they already accomplished that part of their life, and they can move onto their next journey. 

But whatever. There should be an option for undecided or middle, or whatever.


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

I would not be who I am today if I had never loved - it changed me very much for the better. I never experienced any pain more wrenching than when cancer took my mate, but that does not mean I wish I'd never met and loved him. Given the chance to relive those 22 years, knowing about the cancer, I WOULD walk that path again and again to re-experience what we had - it was THAT wonderful. Besides, without that love, my children would not exist. They are definitely worth all of the pain, and then some.

Even now, knowing how badly love can hurt me (I was nearly destroyed by grief), I would not reject it if another came my way - not holding my breath or putting my life on hold waiting, however.


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## The Unseen (Oct 26, 2010)

sooner said:


> I would rather never fall in love. Therefore you cant ever taste it and don't ever miss it.


Exactly this.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

It's better to avoid the fall,
that way you won't lose at all.


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## LiquidCool (Feb 26, 2011)

Romantic love is only pleasant if it is mutual.


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## nottie (Mar 2, 2011)

DvlHk said:


> Romantic love is only pleasant if it is mutual.


I thought of it more of losing a relationship with someone you loved, rather than having to give up on unrequited love.

That sounds just terrible, and I can't imagine why anyone would prefer that over nothing.


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## LiquidCool (Feb 26, 2011)

nottie said:


> I thought of it more of losing a relationship with someone you loved, rather than having to give up on unrequited love.
> 
> That sounds just terrible, and I can't imagine why anyone would prefer that over nothing.


That's my perspective as well.

However, having sifted through a large number of the quotations about love over the past month, many (if not most) of them would be more accurate in relation to infatuation or Limerence rather than love.


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## MJ Gray (Mar 10, 2011)

My first engagement ended in loss. My fiance died three months shy of the wedding. 

As overwhelmingly difficult as it was to suffer that I still have to say it was better to love. For me, it's always better to love, and if I had to do it over I would love him and lose him again. To say otherwise is to say he wasn't worth it. And he was.


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## owlet (May 7, 2010)

I'd always take love and loss rather than no love at all. It gives you experiences valuable to your development (understanding people, compromising etc.), aside from anything else.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

I'd rather love and lose,than never experience it at all.However it's something that happens all too often in my life.


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## 3053 (Oct 14, 2009)

Love and loss. Experience and memories are just worth it. Life needs a bit of colour.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I think it's better to have had the experience, definitely.


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## mimisea (Mar 23, 2011)

i've loved deeply & lost terribly & i wouldn't trade it for anything.


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## Jessie (Mar 24, 2011)

I would rather love and lose rather than not have loved at all. Being in love is a great feeling and even if you lose, you still have known love.


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## lovegames25 (Oct 7, 2010)

if you never fall in love, you will never emotionally mature and grow up


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## fillet (Jun 12, 2010)

I have dated a few guys, that were hurt from their first love, after a few rejections from these types of guys, I realise that they are not open to loving again. It is impossilble to be perfect enough for them to be open to love again. Now that I realise this, I won't waste my time with anyone not open to love again.

It's like an eye for an eye causing the world to be blind; no love for you, and no love for me.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -C.S. Lewis


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## freeagen (Apr 29, 2011)

Yes, why be afraid to feel the highs and lows? I hold the joy in my heart and throw the pain towards my unsuspecting foes!
Have finally learned to cope with loss and feel the need to insist others that we should all just continue the good time vibrations of the 90's.
Where the fuck is all the love people? That's right! The 90's!


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## sarek (May 20, 2010)

Far better to love despite the pain and the agony. I have seen so many people going through that personal hell. Its as if they all come to me to share that. Only two days ago I talked with a woman whose loved one had just taken his own life as a result of depression.

And on top of all that I am always scared of losing my own beloved angel because her health has never been good.

Still, without a doubt. Its much better to love.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

To me, pain is just pain.

It makes no sense to rob myself of the possibility of real joy and love just because sometimes I have been hurt. (If that were the case, I might as well just lock myself in a room and never come out, lest I stub my toe.)


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## Socrates (Feb 1, 2010)

How I wish I could take it all back... how I wish I could take it all back... how I wish I could... take it all... back.


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## The13thGuest (May 3, 2011)

Never love at all.
Never.
So much regret, so much regret....


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## xezene (Aug 7, 2010)

One day a young Zen student went to his master and asked, "How can I master my emotions? These feelings bother me so. I want to be a master like you, I don't want to feel any of these things. Can you teach me?" The master looked at him for a moment and said something along the lines of, "I can't teach you this, but I know someone who can." The student jumped at this and said, "Take me to him, take me to him at once!" So the master led the student into the forest, and next to some dead trees there was a little figurine. The master pulled it out and handed it to the student. It was a stone Buddha. "But I don't understand," said the confused student.

The master eyed him and said, "This is a stone Buddha -- he would do just what you asked. If you want a completely emotionless, impartial, teacher who doesn't feel fear or pain or love, a stone statue of Buddha will do just fine. A dead tree will do fine."


To not fall in love is to not live. That is not being able to jump into the pool for the fear that it might be wet. That's not living. Like the story, no matter what happens in the end, life is everything -- feeling, rapture, pain, everything. The master felt all of these things too. And so always, "loved and lost." To never love is not just to die. To never love, to never be able to let go, is being dead already.


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## SingingBird (May 2, 2011)

Hmm... My answer to this question always varies depending on my mood... :/ Right now I have no clue. Is there an option C? :crazy:


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