# Awkwardness - How do you do it?



## SeñorTaco (Jun 5, 2013)

I can talk to people in general to get things done (i.e. hitching a ride from a bunch of people I just met, instantly creating rapport OR getting group work done) but when I go out on dates, I become really painfully awkward. Awkward like sometimes, I get really edgy when I am put in a social situation and I literally wouldn't know what to do so I just stare into space and have really long eye-contact (But I can keep eye-contact going... I really don't know) moments with the people around me.

And my date's just like "What? Why are you staring at me?" but I really just wouldn't know what else to do, so yeah.

I also end up talking/discussing just about everything. 

He makes an observation and I try to infer why it happens and I CAN'T FUCKING STOP DOING IT JESUS I can tell it doesn't interest him but I can't seem to see a different perspective/make similar observations because I just really like being in my room/alone with my book most times so I really can't do this social thing, you guys BUT HOW DO YOU DO GUYS MANAGE WITH AWKWARDNESS, if you are?


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## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

natashalim said:


> I can talk to people in general to get things done (i.e. hitching a ride from a bunch of people I just met, instantly creating rapport OR getting group work done) but when I go out on dates, I become really painfully awkward. Awkward like sometimes, I get really edgy when I am put in a social situation and I literally wouldn't know what to do so I just stare into space and have really long eye-contact (But I can keep eye-contact going... I really don't know) moments with the people around me.
> 
> And my date's just like "What? Why are you staring at me?" but I really just wouldn't know what else to do, so yeah.


Seems to me like you have too much anxiety going into dates. The way I have dealt with this is by learning how to better control my physical reactions to nervousness/anxiety, blushing, stuttering, etc. For example, I try to control my breathing and actively become less tense. Don't get me wrong, I still get really nervous, but I can hide it a lot better physically and keeping control of my physical reactions also helps me control my mind as well.

You can also make up a list of things of things you would like to talk about during the date, like favorite music, movies, books, etc. This way you are better prepared to ask and answer questions as opposed to getting nervous and having your mind go blank.



> He makes an observation and I try to infer why it happens and I CAN'T FUCKING STOP DOING IT JESUS I can tell it doesn't interest him.


THIS. INTPs and NTs in general try to find out why things function the way they do. It's something that is at our core of who we are as people. If your date is not interested in hearing this, it's best to discontinue dating that person. Trust me you do not want to end up with a person who doesn't value who you are and how you think. You want to find that person that not only listens to your explanation, but also adds his own thoughts and arguments to the conversation. 

I hope this helps, good luck on your dates!


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## Tea Path (Sep 5, 2012)

but why is so fun!!!
Practice facial movements in a mirror. jot topics down. 
but, when you meet the right person, it should be easy. You'll talk happily.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

For me, I think I almost commentate my thoughts to try and make everything clear so there isn't a misunderstanding.
So if there's room for interpretation of my actions I'm likely to explain my motivations or intention.
That's when I really haven't a clue how to be natural. This is in no way a smooth way to go about things, but it's how I sometimes react. Because I feel comfortable being completely sincere and honest because I am relieved when I can explain myself and the other person can understand whats going on. 

If I don't behave that way it's because I'm not that worried and rather relaxed and will say what I feel like and go at the pace I want.


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

Act the way you normally would, and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out.


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## Residual Deviance (May 11, 2013)

I was partially hoping, reading the title, that this thread was from a neurotypical person asking people how they manage to act awkwardly, so I could respond "dunno, just sorta happens naturally lol." I'm mildly disappointed this isn't the case :crying:

As for real advice, when it comes to dating? Don't change yourself. Ok, perhaps make sure you're presentable (but even your mileage may vary here; if you'd rather wear a geeky shirt on your first date instead of an uncomfortable dress, do it -- if your date objects, they aren't for you), but do not fundamentally change who you are. Sure, it may take you longer to meet your mate, but once you do, he'll complement your quirks well and you'll enjoy your relationship so much more than if you try to be someone you aren't to rush getting into a relationship and having to strain yourself to be desirable to your partner.

For social situations where you sort of have to be "normal" in order to succeed, think about similar scenarios in the past and what you did, and how others reacted. Note what others responded well to, and what made others make the facial equivalent of a "wat." Narrow your reactions to similar situations to the actions that had good outcomes. Eventually, you'll be able to feign normality well enough to where it won't be an impediment. It takes work (trust me, I know how this feels), but it gets easier with practice.

And if you find yourself not knowing what to do and panicking, find some way to bail and take some time to compose yourself. Most people (worth dealing with) are fairly understanding of such things. And the ones who aren't? If at all possible, minimize your interactions with them as much as possible. (If it's not possible, well, that's a topic for a whole new thread.)

Did I mention that you shouldn't change who you are, even if it is "awkward" by whatever standards people who don't matter created? Because that's huge.


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## Alles_Paletti (May 15, 2013)

Seems from your avatar 'in a relationship' that you're past the dating problem 

Anyway

1) I feel dealing with awkwardness starts by accepting it. Don't feel bad about being a bit awkward - admit it (at least to yourself). It's natural for a 5. Of course people will notice it and maybe act a bit confused at first - that's logical because they might be expecting a certain kind of behaviour. But don't be fazed by that, just accept that as well. You'll feel more at peace.

2) Focus first on trying to enjoy yourself; you'll become nicer company by default. 

3) Focus on what you do like, and say it. There's ALWAYS something even if the talk is boring. There's a reason you went on this date right ? I like your voice, I like your eyes, I like the food, I like the music etc. etc. etc. 

4) If you're staring, people will assume you're thinking something - say what you're thinking 'e.g. I'm just very interested in what you're saying, please go on' or 'I'm just thinking about ...' - one other option, if you like the guy think about kissing him; he'll like that stare . 

5) And practically, try a setting for the date with a bit more action so less talking is required.


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## judowrestler1 (Mar 30, 2013)

Good news is your a girl so you can get away with more .

What I did was essentially say whatever crosses my mind. 90% of the time it works out, the other 10% I get a laugh anyway from their awkward reaction. Doing this I've pretty much become the guy who people want to talk to because you never know what is going to come out of my mouth next. Situations are only as awkward as you make them and a painfully silence is 1000x worse than a stupid joke.


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## absyrd (Jun 1, 2013)

Find a girl who enjoys the shy awkward quirkiness. They're out there. I hope.


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## Omniscient (Aug 15, 2013)

First stick into your head that you're awesome. Find something that separates you from the bunch. (you're an INTP for God's sake!) 
Second. Look at the bright side. People are asking you out on dates! You should feel great as it is. You just need practice like everything in life. good luck


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## Arnold (Feb 9, 2013)

INTPs are awkward, like they are born like that. They aren't ENTPs. No getting round that. In general really all INs with Fe, that's INTPs and INFJs, are awkward and Fi users don't ******* care. You might have more luck making friends with INs who don't mind awkwardness as much as others. Besides, it's not like INTPs can just become the cool jock or cheerleader who've got imba social skills and are 'popular, like, totally!!!' It can't be helped. If it's really that bad then maybe use it to attract people, like I'm sure there're people who don't mind it or might even like it.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

Look at it like this. What's the worst thing that can happen? Are jungle guerillas going to rappel down from the ceiling and hack you to bits with machetes? Are you going to trip over a landmine on your way to the bathroom? Is the guy going to shoot you for not acting like some doe-eyed cheerleader?

No, none of that is going to happen. And if there is a chance it would actually happen, you need to stop thinking about your love life and start thinking of moving somewhere that is civilized. :tongue:


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## SeñorTaco (Jun 5, 2013)

Elistra said:


> Look at it like this. What's the worst thing that can happen? Are jungle guerillas going to rappel down from the ceiling and hack you to bits with machetes? Are you going to trip over a landmine on your way to the bathroom? Is the guy going to shoot you for not acting like some doe-eyed cheerleader?
> 
> No, none of that is going to happen. And if there is a chance it would actually happen, you need to stop thinking about your love life and start thinking of moving somewhere that is civilized. :tongue:


omfgkjsh You made me laugh louder than I was supposed to 
but anyway we sort of got together but it's way rough than i expected it to be.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

natashalim said:


> omfgkjsh You made me laugh louder than I was supposed to
> but anyway we sort of got together but it's way rough than i expected it to be.


Good. And hopefully, things will work out. :happy:


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## XO Skeleton (Jan 18, 2011)

Tbh I just embrace my awkwardness. Sometimes I can keep it from detection for small periods of time, but eventually the cat comes out of the bag.

I always assumed ppl didn't like me cuz of my awkwardness but in actuality some ppl like it cuz it makes u seem human. I think INTPs and INFPs r the most awkward types. The only saving grace for INTPs are our Ne and childlike Fe.

So to answer ur question ur best bet is to build up some social skills n don't worry about being awkward. In this day so many ppl are worried about their physical n social images. Just go on ur dates n have fun with no expectations. Whatever happens, happens. And whatever doesn't, screw it.


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## SCP049 (Sep 9, 2013)

I used to think that if I make a plan that I can go ahead with it but please, we live in a world of ever changing variables. People being the BIG variables out there. I just go with the flow. I think you are over thinking it OP. You have to chill, relax my fellow broette. You have to find your zing, you dig? It is okay to think about things ahead of time but don't over do it. Anytime you dwell on something for too long and you'll find yourself in a pool of anxiety and nervousness.


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## Ember (Feb 11, 2012)

People actually love my awkwardness now. Haha.


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## absyrd (Jun 1, 2013)

Think to yourself, "I am the shit. I am the motherfucker shit. Yeah bitches love me."

You can be as awkward as you want if you delude yourself into thinking you're a boss.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

I really don't care what they think, it was not my choice to be as I am, I did not choose my traits and physical characteristics, nor my life experience, the shit just happened, so why would I be concerned with what they think? I am not a politician running for office


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## Spiffymooge (Aug 28, 2013)

Awkward is funny. Just like how we laugh when comics tell jokes where something awkward happened but it was fucking funny. I, for one, like to make things awkward for a chance to get a great story to tell later. Also, I'm nowhere near the social normal so by the general ruling, I'm just an awkward person who does awkward things and inflict awkwardness onto others.


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## jonnyjonjonjrshabadoo (Oct 5, 2013)

As one of the previous users said, it comes down to practice. Personally, I've come to learn that social interaction is indeed a skill that can be learned by us INTPs. I know this because I literally turn on my social skills when I need to, e.g., small talk with my barista, mingling with friends' friends, etc. In the case of dating, I feel that you should just be your truly awkward self. It'd be a massive waste of time to put up some extroverted front on some early dates to only revert to your true self at a later time and consequently raise some issues.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

I like to make things _even more _awkward.

Them: "What? Why are you staring at me?"
Me: ''.. Hee hee. Hee. You're _PRETTY_.'' Exaggerated-awkward-wink with mouth open.











Then again, I don't really date either. I've got my partner already.


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## Avidya (Oct 12, 2013)

Sadly, I just accepted my awkwardness. Everyone around me knows I'm pretty damn awkward.

Some people like that. Such weirdos.


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

absyrd said:


> Think to yourself, "I am the shit. I am the motherfucker shit. Yeah bitches love me."
> 
> You can be as awkward as you want if you delude yourself into thinking you're a boss.


But how do you do that if you're an NT? I won't allow myself to believe in something if I can't find it to be true.


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## absyrd (Jun 1, 2013)

Strelok said:


> But how do you do that if you're an NT? I won't allow myself to believe in something if I can't find it to be true.


In your situation, what is true, then? That you're _not_ the shit? That bitches _don't_ love you? How do you know what you are and what people think of you?


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

absyrd said:


> In your situation, what is true, then? That you're _not_ the shit? That bitches _don't_ love you?


Well, both of those currently appear to be true.



absyrd said:


> How do you know what you are and what people think of you?


I don't know about the first part, but it's fairly obvious that "bitches" don't love me.


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## absyrd (Jun 1, 2013)

Strelok said:


> I don't know about the first part, but it's fairly obvious that "bitches" don't love me.


So tell me then -- why aren't you the shit?


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## absyrd (Jun 1, 2013)

Ugh double post. If only I could find the delete button.


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## Strelok (Aug 16, 2013)

absyrd said:


> So tell me then -- why aren't you the shit?


I would try to give an in-depth answer, but it could probably be summed up by "I'm a nerdy recluse" and I don't have super-high confidence.


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## HighSteaks (Oct 16, 2013)

How do I do awkwardness? Well for starters, when I get in a car with someone for the first time, I have been known to start discussing which seats of the car people are statistically more likely to die in.

(The right side is more dangerous for those of you who were wondering, because that side is more likely to be hit at intersections. The middle back seat is the safest. Middle back passengers are 86 percent more likely to survive than the front seats and 25 percent more than the other rear seats according to some sources.)

...

.......

Goodness, I did it again.


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## HighSteaks (Oct 16, 2013)

absyrd said:


> So tell me then -- why aren't you the shit?


Because the members of this website are all humans (or robots).
Common sense could tell you that feces is incapable sentient thought, let alone posting on internet forums to reflect on one's social self.

But... what if it could do that...
Dear God...


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## miuliu (Nov 3, 2013)

I study human interaction a lot. I practice different ways of interacting on random strangers and take my self out of my comfort zone as much as possible. Tell myself to calm down and restrain myself from attempting to push the interaction forward all the time. This suits me as a girl since on dates I just relax and let my date take the lead. Most girls don't find this attractive on a guy, while girls can get away with submissive and passive behavior. I use humor as icebreaker. I ask to go to places like carnivals. Places that are upbeat, give us something to do and take off the pressure of constant interaction while allowing us to have fun anyway and goof off.
I share my weird mind with my date and watch them either light up, or run away. I know this is a risk, but it's vital for me to weed out the guys I'm completely incompatible with.


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## aj8600 (Sep 16, 2013)

I try to act the same in all situations but I often come off as awkward. It's not a big deal but over time it has given be confidence issues. Although they could stem from early childhood interactions. 

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


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## Judson Joist (Oct 25, 2013)

Elistra said:


> Look at it like this. What's the worst thing that can happen? Are jungle guerrillas going to rappel down from the ceiling and hack you to bits with machetes? Are you going to trip over a landmine on your way to the bathroom? Is the guy going to shoot you for not acting like some doe-eyed cheerleader?
> 
> No, none of that is going to happen. And if there is a chance it would actually happen, you need to stop thinking about your love life and start thinking of moving somewhere that is civilized.
> :tongue:


Screw moving somewhere civilized! That sounds like fun!
roud:


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## WhiteIris (Nov 8, 2013)

I love my levels of awkward. Think about it this way very few people are cool enough to be that level of awkward and pull it off. I mean c'mon they all think they are so smart, seriously do you think they are? So why the hell would you care what they think?

Own the awkward, let them squirm in your awkward and laugh at them while you do it. 

Hehe just go stand in front of a mirror and say these words, "I love you, you awkward sexy beast. Throw on I'm bringing sexy back and dance like you just doing give a F." Repeat this process for 10 days and your good to go.


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## Bahburah (Jul 25, 2013)

My lack of testosterone.


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## ieatgingers (Nov 4, 2013)

I'm not that awkward. Or maybe I am but I'm good at turning it around and making it funny, so I use it to my advantage. Like if I'm shopping and can't find my size, I'm a small or extra small, so I can usually bet on the mannequins having my size on them. So I will go up to a store worker and instead of asking for it in a way that makes me seem awkward, I'll make it funny. "You wanna uhh...help me strip this mannequin down? It'll be fun." And usually people laugh at stuff like that because most people don't just approach a person that way. It works.


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