# My bank account. My SJ parents



## Skum (Jun 27, 2010)

Okay so I posted this in the INFP forum and I thought it'd be helpful to get the SJ point of view. 

I have all my scholarship money in my own bank account. I've been a bit frivolous with it (as far as getting meals and gas with it instead of using the money my dad gives me for that stuff. I have since stopped doing that), but I haven't made any huge purchases with one notable exception. Spent ~$500 on plane/concert tickets to a show in Seattle (1700 miles away from me). I will miss two days of school.

Some points to consider:

1) Renewable scholarship
2) Have talked to all my professors
3) Will not miss any tests
4) Will bring laptop on trip to do work
5) Will go with best friend. Staying with her family (free lodging)
6) Who knows when I'll get this chance again?

Edit: 7) I am an 18 year old college student living at home, if that makes any difference.

("Who knows when I'll get this chance again" strikes me as....unstable. But yeah. I could go into a spiel about truly experiencing life and living it up at this stage, but I'll spare you. You guys probably know what the NF attitude is on these kind of things. If not I'll go ahead and add it :crazy.

I really don't know how to tell my parents I'm going off on a plane to Washington. I don't know when to tell them, and I don't know how. My goal is to minimize tension. They believe in slippery slopes (Fallacy: Slippery Slope) with a faith usually reserved for religious zealots. They are conservative SJs and tension is always pretty high in the house.

So here are my questions:
- *When should I tell them? Night before? A couple days? *I fear the atmosphere that will inevitably set in either way.

- *Should I say anything in my defense?*

- *What sort of involvement should a parent have in their child's bank account?* I understand they do not want me to go into debt. Any arguments/fights that ensue will just be manifestations of their fear. But how should I handle this? Am I right to want privacy in this, or am I being piggheadedly naive?

- *Be honest: Was I stupid to do this?*

I'd really appreciate your guy's help, opinions, and advice.
Thanks <3


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## sts06 (Aug 12, 2010)

> So here are my questions:
> - *When should I tell them? Night before? A couple days? *I fear the atmosphere that will inevitably set in either way.


My instinctive reaction is 'oh dear no, don't leave it that long!!' but then if they really are strict then it's going to be awkward no matter when you tell them. The thing is if you leave it too long they could feel betrayed like you don't talk to them etc etc.



> - *Should I say anything in my defense?*


If you think it needs defending, why are you going? But I think you should put the case as to why you're going, yes. First and foremost, the money has been spent already - not going won't change that, so possibly lead with the 'waste of money if I don't go' also you seem very clear on keeping up with your work so I think you could let them know you have all that part worked through, etc. That should comfort them a bit. I like people who have prepared for the future :laughing:



> - *What sort of involvement should a parent have in their child's bank account?* I understand they do not want me to go into debt. Any arguments/fights that ensue will just be manifestations of their fear. But how should I handle this? Am I right to want privacy in this, or am I being piggheadedly naive?


Seriously? At your age, I think they should respect your privacy. So long as you don't waste the money and go begging to them for handouts then I don't see why they need to know.



> - *Be honest: Was I stupid to do this?*


Nope. I've done this sort of thing before and loved every minute of it. 'Course I was at a college away from home at the time and my parents aren't control freaks.

Good luck with talking to them. I genuinely think the sooner, the better. Leaving it til the last minute will stew on you and will make them paranoid about you being all secretive (at least that's how I feel putting myself into their position).


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## Skum (Jun 27, 2010)

Sts, thanks so much for your response! You're completely right about the betrayal thing...I really don't want that. 
As far as the defense thing, I suppose I was trying to chisel down what I should say to them as far as my reasons for going XD I don't know how effective talking about my attachment to the band, my resolve on experiencing life, traveling, etc would be. If they ask then I will tell them that stuff. 

My only regret now is that I waited so long to say anything. I thought telling them a little before would be the best strategy, but it's very clear to me now that that was childish of me. 
Again, I really appreciate your help. Hopefully all goes well (oh man....overstatement XD) tomorrow!


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## MonieJ (Nov 22, 2010)

- *When should I tell them? Night before? A couple days? *
I would have told them after I got my tickets
*Should I say anything in my defense?*
Hm if you want but they would just be excuses, ofc I'm not ur parents so try roud:
- *What sort of involvement should a parent have in their child's bank account?*
I would say minimal involvement 
*Be honest: Was I stupid to do this?*
I dnt think so but I wouldn't take a leave of absence for a concert. You never know when u will need ur allotted days of abence for an emergency (unless you dnt have such a thing but I would still rather be in school actually gettin what I paid for :wink


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## sts06 (Aug 12, 2010)

Well, good luck and keep us posted.


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