# How do I get over myself



## Emtropy (Feb 3, 2013)

Thomas60 said:


> I searched the photo, whatever is making you feel unnattractive, it isn't your physique.
> Not babe, but I could see an 8/10 guy consider you future wife material.
> 
> If you think i'm just some guy pandering to your feelings instead of telling the truth, then piss off lol


Not pissing off because I believe you (in your honesty, that is)

thanks, man


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## chrisu (Mar 6, 2012)

no promises, but it worked for me…
we tend to find more beautiful what we see more often… if you look at others (especially if it's models/magazines) more than yourself, you'll compare every part with the most beautiful you've seen on someone else.
so my recommendation would be to
1. avoid beautymagazines and
2. take some time to look at yourself. find one little spot you like, even if it's just a tiny thing. maybe it's the colour or shape of your eyes, maybe your lips, maybe your hair or maybe your hands… try not to look at what you don't like, just concentrate on that tiny thing you like and work on being able to sincerely think "that's beautiful".

for me the starting point was my eyes… i concentrated on only one because otherwise i would see my nose too and i used to think it was huge. it grew from there. it took quite some time but now when i look into a mirror i have to search for the parts i don't like.


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## Shale (Jan 17, 2012)




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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Are you me? Somewhat refreshing to read. Makes me think someone else might think the same way I do. You sound awesome, though.

Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710e using Tapatalk


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I don't think its yourself you need to get over, but other people. If anyone has a problem with your face, they should go fuck themselves. And heres the kicker - being very confident that you're beautiful can also get a negative reaction; people will try to knowck you down a few notches over -that-. My point is that people who are shallow dicks who feel entitled to get all tied up emotionally in your appearance, enough to make you feel like shit, are going to be these worthless shallow dicks no matter what.. so you just have to say fuck them.


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## Emtropy (Feb 3, 2013)

chrisu said:


> no promises, but it worked for me…
> we tend to find more beautiful what we see more often… if you look at others (especially if it's models/magazines) more than yourself, you'll compare every part with the most beautiful you've seen on someone else.
> so my recommendation would be to
> 1. avoid beautymagazines and
> ...


I don't look at magazines - I just tend to find others beautiful in real life; especially all of my friends, who are totally stunning. I don't suppose it's any different for me to compare myself to my friends than to celebrities, though. (except my friends aren't irl photosopped) 

Thank you for the tips  I don't really like one singular feature if I'm honest...though I've been told I have great teeth and nice eyes, so there's a starting point~



isingthebodyelectric said:


> Are you me? Somewhat refreshing to read. Makes me think someone else might think the same way I do. You sound awesome, though.
> 
> Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710e using Tapatalk


I don't know. Shall we ask myself? 

If you allow me to be totally hypocritical here: you shouldn't think that way about yourself. I can honestly say I've never met an ugly person (except myself, who is not good enough; yes, I see the doublethinkery here) and I can honestly say you aren't ugly. Though, if you think the same as me, this will do nothing for you - in the meanwhile, we're a part of a solidarity of insecurity. We'll try to change it to community of confidence 

And thank you  you're awesome too. 



Promethea said:


> I don't think its yourself you need to get over, but other people. If anyone has a problem with your face, they should go fuck themselves. And heres the kicker - being very confident that you're beautiful can also get a negative reaction; people will try to knowck you down a few notches over -that-. My point is that people who are shallow dicks who feel entitled to get all tied up emotionally in your appearance, enough to make you feel like shit, are going to be these worthless shallow dicks no matter what.. so you just have to say fuck them.


The thing is, though, no one really thinks I'm ugly. I've never been called ugly by anyone who wasn't out to cause harm - and this has only happened twice - therefore I can deduce that it's my problem, not anyone else's. Opinions differ, and it seems that I'm average-looking to many; which I'm OK with, I guess. I just want to be a little bit pretty or a little bit cute to others; I'm not asking for the looks of Chloe Moretz. Yes, I know this is beggish and I know I'm seeking validation from others. What can i say.

And I'm also not sure I deserve to feel beautiful. I don't have the features to be beautiful, and I'm not anything special in personality, intelligence, or essence; but I will say I do deserve to feel comfortable with myself - whether it's contentedness with ugliness, or prettiness, I need to accept what I have. I'm just so mixed up with everything at the minute, I don't really know what to think of myself. Introspection often only muddies the waters (is this a saying? I swear I've heard it before) but i *can* even spot the contradictions I make - and have made all over this thread. I think I want what is subjective to be made objective, honestly. Maybe I'm just an attention-seeker. I honestly don't know.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

What l'm getting at is what what @Promethea said better,you can't let people attach themselves to your image that way.


l mean, you can, if you want to. 

l'm sure some people do want to, whether they think they're good looking or not but l think if you can detach yourself from that mindset regardless of your own appearance then you're already on your way to becoming more whole as a person.

That's my view/experience, anyway.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Emtropy said:


> And I'm also not sure I deserve to feel beautiful.


Deserve... That word.

IMO there's really nothing ultimately anyone can do to 'deserve' or not 'deserve' something, unless we are trying to superimpose a contract about reality. Bad things can happen to us, no matter how good we are.

IME it doesn't matter who you are or what you have done, you can find people who like or love you. IMO it's just something that we as human beings do, we love and like. 'Deserving' IMO is trying to superimpose rationality upon the non-rational.

I would advise you to accept and like yourself more, because you'll enjoy life more.


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## Emtropy (Feb 3, 2013)

strangestdude said:


> Deserve... That word.
> 
> IMO there's really nothing ultimately anyone can do to 'deserve' or not 'deserve' something, unless we are trying to superimpose a contract about reality. Bad things can happen to us, no matter how good we are.
> 
> ...


The very problem with my thinking: I accept gray areas in every single other area of life; but when it comes to me - my intelligence, my personality, my looks - I want things to be quantifiable and clear-cut. Such thinking will get me nowhere, and it seems the more I struggle to make sense of it, the more it alludes me. Perhaps I should just give up this mental struggle and accept myself as OK - nothing more, nothing less. You can build on 'OK'.


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## chrisu (Mar 6, 2012)

Emtropy said:


> I don't look at magazines - I just tend to find others beautiful in real life; especially all of my friends, who are totally stunning. I don't suppose it's any different for me to compare myself to my friends than to celebrities, though. (except my friends aren't irl photosopped)
> 
> Thank you for the tips  I don't really like one singular feature if I'm honest...though I've been told I have great teeth and nice eyes, so there's a starting point~


if there's not even something you can find "quite ok", try it every time you feel good about yourself (just got a good grade, finished something you've wanted to do for some time, someone said something nice, …)? people tend to be more positive about their looks the happier they are…
another idea, though less… nice, is to try and find imperfections on your friends and compare your best features to their worst


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## Emtropy (Feb 3, 2013)

chrisu said:


> if there's not even something you can find "quite ok", try it every time you feel good about yourself (just got a good grade, finished something you've wanted to do for some time, someone said something nice, …)? people tend to be more positive about their looks the happier they are…
> another idea, though less… nice, is to try and find imperfections on your friends and compare your best features to their worst


Fair enough. I'll try that :3

And noooo haha, I couldn't do that ;D


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Ya know. There are some things I'm not happy about that I could physically change if I had the means. Apparently, it doesn't prevent men from wanting to be with me. So then the question is, why do I care? Sometimes it matters to us within reason. Other times not. To be honest, I'm at the point that it wouldn't prevent me from living my life regardless of how I feel. Which is to say, if I decide to change anything down the line. It'll be for me. Now. I'm sure you aren't seeing yourself how others see you. We are all our own worst critics. That's just a fact. And every feature that has me head over heals so to speak about the opposite sex, has always been the very features they've been self conscious about at one point or another (at least this has been the case from those who've acted surprised when I say a compliment of something I love and they tell me why). Everyone has features of themselves they don't like (some within reason and possibly worth changing and others not).

Take your time before the final judgment that you're ugly. It might be a difficult time in your life. You may find down the line your position changes. I don't have a picture of you so can't really say but I know even I have features in my face that as a teenager I thought ugly, only to find years later it was those very features men found so attractive. Be nice to you and whatever you do, don't ever change anything about you for anyone but you.


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## DualGnosis (Apr 6, 2013)

I haven't read anyone else' advice but from what I learned, there are two things you need to do.

1) Take care of what you can control about your appearance, that means hair/makeup/clothes.
2) Be confident.

If you say you're ugly, you've already lost. You have to either not care about your looks or do the best you can with it and be proud. You can do it.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

DualGnosis said:


> 2) Be confident.


No offence intended, but that's a pet peeve of mine.

I understand that your advise is well intentioned but IMO it's as useful as going up to a homeless person and saying 'be wealthy'. Basically I'm saying without the 'how' it's empty advise.


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## Dalton (Jun 10, 2013)

strangestdude said:


> No offence intended, but that's a pet peeve of mine.
> 
> I understand that your advise is well intentioned but IMO it's as useful as going up to a homeless person and saying 'be wealthy'. Basically I'm saying without the 'how' it's empty advise.


I think that's your Te talking: 'if you want me to do something, tell me HOW to do it.' Ti seems to be more flexible with it's use of instructions.


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## Emtropy (Feb 3, 2013)

Dalton said:


> I think that's your Te talking: 'if you want me to do something, tell me HOW to do it.' Ti seems to be more flexible with it's use of instructions.


My Ne + Ti sees this and imagines a multitude of things that one could do to reach confidence; myself - the part that lacks functions - thinks "but..." 

You know what they say: fake it till ya make it. I can see this working, actually...


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

@Emtropy

I'm not sure what method you've chosen to improve your self image, but I was reminding myself of research I've read on appreciation/gratitude and thought it might be of interest to you too.

*The gratitude intervention was very similar to the one I just described. We directed our participants to keep a sort of gratitude journal – that is, to write down and contemplate five things for which they were grateful. Their exact instructions were as follows: “There are many things in our lives, both large and small, that we might be grateful about. Think back over the events of the past week and write down on the lines below up to five things that happened for which you are grateful or thankful.” Five blank lines followed, headed by “This week I am grateful for:”*

*"Compared with a control group (i.e., people who did not practice any kind of exercise), the gratitude group reported significantly bigger increases in their happiness levels from before to after the intervention. Interestingly, this effect was observed only for those who expressed gratitude every Sunday night. The participants who counted their blessings three times a week didn’t obtain any benefit from it. This finding might seem puzzling at first, but we believe there is an explanation: The average person made to express his or her gratitude every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday appeared to have become bored with the practice, perhaps finding it a chore, whereas the person made to express gratitude only once a week likely continued to find it fresh and meaningful over time."
*
The above applies to appreciation/gratitude in general, but I don't see any reason why it can't be changed to a self-appreciation practice and have similar benefits.

Based on the above a once a week appreciation/gratitude directed towards self may actually benefit us more than doing it regularly. Which is also good news because it can prevent burnout from daily writing.


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## Emtropy (Feb 3, 2013)

@strangestdude

With some help from others, I've came to a sort of acceptance. Well, for now - it comes in waves - but when I feel insecurity and hate coming over, I just have to remind myself of what friends have said, and that beauty doesn't define us, etc. 

The other day I had to buy a dress for prom, and I felt like crying when I saw myself in the mirror. I left the dressing room to buy the dress - I had to have one, after all - and in the queue, I saw a girl laughing with her boyfriend. I'm not trying to be horrible, but this girl was not anything aesthetically amazing (not ugly, though, because no one is ugly) but the way her eyes lit up as she laughed and loved made me realise that I thought that was beautiful; her happiness was beautiful, therefore she was. I had my first experience of how subjective beauty is, and I remembered it today. It made me a little more contented with everything.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

I stalked your posts until i found your pic, and you aren't ugly!!! :angry: 

If you wanna feel better about yourself, prooobably stop watching TV and reading magazines. Seriously. They are the equivalent of a potato masher, except for your brain. Go outside and look at all the different kinds of faces and bodies there are. All of them are special in their own way and there will ALWAYS be someone attracted to those features. Finally, I've found working out does wonders for my self-esteem. Good luck!


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## Emtropy (Feb 3, 2013)

Diligent Procrastinator said:


> I stalked your posts until i found your pic, and you aren't ugly!!! :angry:
> 
> If you wanna feel better about yourself, prooobably stop watching TV and reading magazines. Seriously. They are the equivalent of a potato masher, except for your brain. Go outside and look at all the different kinds of faces and bodies there are. All of them are special in their own way and there will ALWAYS be someone attracted to those features. Finally, I've found working out does wonders for my self-esteem. Good luck!


 cheers.


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