# Weird guy keeps talking to me...



## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

I started a course a few weeks ago, and just this week, one of my classmates randomly started trying to make nice.

Slight problem: He sets my 'creepy' alarm bells a ringing. It's hard to explain, but I just feel deeply uncomfortable whenever he speaks to me. Actually, I feel fucking irritated whenever he speaks to me because he doesn't get the hint. 

He'll say my name to get my attention, and when I respond, ask me a mundane question (e.g. 'what time is the workshop today'). Fair enough. However, he then takes that as a cue to ask me question after question after question about myself. It's sorta unsettling - particularly as I suspect the mundane question is a ploy.

It's not like these questions are hugely invasive - I've answered them for other people - it's more the way he asks them. He point blank asks me something out of nowhere, I'll answer, and he'll just ask something else. Rinse and repeat. There isn't any natural flow to the conversation; it's just him grilling me for details about myself I don't feel particularly inclined to give, largely because I need to feel thing thing called _reportoire_ with someone before they're entitled to any details about my life. 

Ugh, and the first time we talked he starts insisting I give him my email address. Like, *really* insisting (he wanted to look at some code I'd written and I said no, wait for the seminar on it or email the lecturer). Fortunately, I staved him off, but seriously?  

He always wants to know what I'm doing, and keeps asking me 'have you had lunch yet?' 

So far, I've been plainly rude and standoffish hoping he'll get the hint. Like, I'll give one word answers and then just walk off when I've had enough. Or, today, he asked me where in the city I lived and I said 'somewhere' and immediately got my phone out and said (to my friend next to me) 'I need to ring X, hold on'. 

Can PerC give me any insight as to how I get him to stop speaking to me out of nowhere? Like, I don't want to talk to you. Please take the hint and fuck off.


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

Lol he seems like he has a huge crush on you, and he also seems like he has aspergers. 

And I think he didn't get your hints because your hints isn't obvious enough. Not everyone is good at picking up social cues, especially if they have aspergers. Anyway, if I were you, I will be more obvious in my hints, I will tell him this, "You know what sort of people I hate most? I hate people who kept asking me personal questions, people who are overly talkative tend to annoy me. I prefer being around quiet people."

And if he still doesn't get the hint, you can try other methods.

Method 2: Act tomboyish in front of him. Speak in a loud voice at all times, walk in a masculine way. Cuss in front of him. 

Method 3: Whenever he tries to talk to you after class, tell him, "Hey I need to go right now, I'll be meeting my boyfriend and I'm running late!" And make sure to bring up the word "boyfriend" in every conversations.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

I don't know if he's just a socially/sexually frustrated weirdo who wants to have a girlfriend or some kind of sick fuck. The thing is, in both scenarios he's perceiving you as his prey, not his peer: Circling around and playful interviews. So, you are "something" he want to probe and eventually conquer. That's why he's enjoying that tension in the air.

*Publicly and directly escalate the tension until the breaking point.
*Make him understand that it's not a romantic comedy and nothing will evolve into anything unexpectedly pleasant.
*Mention your past with your troublesome ex and some kind of prolonged/complicated thing.
*Call an aggressive/intimidating looking friend, make him visit you and introduce him as your ex.
*Be sure that your ex will stay away from the weirdo during his visit.
*Make your ex conduct mysterious interviews with weirdo's friends about him.
*Approach weirdo and ask for his personal details and claim your ex wants to contact him.

TL;DR: Punch him in the neocortex.


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

Schizoid said:


> Lol he seems like he has a huge crush on you, and he also seems like he has aspergers.
> 
> And I think he didn't get your hints because your hints isn't obvious enough. Not everyone is good at picking up social cues, especially if they have aspergers. Anyway, if I were you, I will be more obvious in my hints, I will tell him this, "You know what sort of people I hate most? I hate people who kept asking me personal questions, people who are overly talkative tend to annoy me. I prefer being around quiet people."
> 
> ...


I've been slowly escalating the rudeness (after all, there isn't much point in going for the jugular when a simple ear flick will do), but it may boil down to being forthright. I'm aware I'm already being a bitch towards him (lol, don't care, I don't owe his feelings jack shit), but really, I'd like to avoid being outright confrontational if I can help it. I know it's not been long, but if someone suddenly stopped reciprocating conversation and cut me off after a few questions, I'd get the hint that person isn't interested in talking. And I'm fairly socially oblivious -,- 

Mind, if he aks the 'do you have a boyfriend' or anything of that ilk - after having spoken to me a handful of times - I will let rip on him. "Wow. I find you asking me that incredibly creepy." has a nice ring to it, I think. 



yet another intj said:


> I don't know if he's just a socially/sexually frustrated weirdo who wants to have a girlfriend or some kind of sick fuck. The thing is, in both scenarios he's perceiving you as his prey, not his peer: Circling around and playful interviews. So, you are "something" he want to probe and eventually conquer. That's why he's enjoying that tension in the air.
> 
> *Publicly and directly escalate the tension until the breaking point.
> *Make him understand that it's not a romantic comedy and nothing will evolve into anything unexpectedly pleasant.
> ...


Haha, I don't have an ex, sorry. 

He's foreign, and what I've found with people who aren't that attuned to English social norms is that they tend to use mundane questions as conversation starters with women - at least, in my experience. I'm guessing he's just socially awkward and doesn't understand the transition between 'random person' and 'friend'. He does talk to other people in the course - and I can't speak for their experiences with him - but, really, even if he weren't such an oddball, I'm not interested in making friends. 

I mean, sure, if it were the case that he was just a bit weird, but able to initiate and maintain conversation, I'd be willing to play nice. However, he is seriously barking up the wrong tree if he thinks I'm the 'making friends' type.


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

I honestly think you being so passive really isn't working and you need to pull him aside and talk to him. 

If it were me, because I don't like hurting other people's feelings (which of course cannot be so easily avoided sometimes), I would pull him aside in a hallway and ask him what all of the questions were for. If he is romantically interested in you, and you don't feel the same way, you need to tell him or else this will just continue. If he wasn't, maybe he actually is HFA and really doesn't know how to start a conversation.

It's sticky, isn't it? Wishing for the best.


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## Matt The Martian (Jul 19, 2014)

As a guy women don't want to talk to, I have the perfect advice for you. Be direct as possible. Tell him you do not want to talk to him, you do not like him, and you do not want to have anything to do with him. That'll hurt him enough to never talk to you again. : )


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Schizoid said:


> Lol he seems like he has a huge crush on you, and he also seems like he has aspergers.
> 
> And I think he didn't get your hints because your hints isn't obvious enough. Not everyone is good at picking up social cues, especially if they have aspergers. Anyway, if I were you, I will be more obvious in my hints, I will tell him this, "You know what sort of people I hate most? I hate people who kept asking me personal questions, people who are overly talkative tend to annoy me. I prefer being around quiet people."
> 
> ...


That's not the best recommendation, don't use sarcasm against an asperger. Hmm it almost autocorrected to something weird.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Just say I dont feel like talking and turn away.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

I think creepy is a fucked up word to use to describe someone.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> That's not the best recommendation, don't use sarcasm against an asperger. Hmm it almost autocorrected to something weird.


They don't understand it?


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Chasing Nereids said:


> I think creepy is a fucked up word to use to describe someone.


Why is it bad if that's how they're acting?


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## Amelia (Aug 23, 2015)

I would avoid him at all costs if possible. If you see him, turn and walk in the opposite direction. Switch seats if possible. If you cant avoid him, don't even answer when he talks to you. Text on your phone, act preoccupied. 
Another tip would be to just to keep headphones in your ears if you can, even if there's no music playing. It gives you a valid excuse not to talk to him.
Hope that helps!


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Why is it bad if that's how they're acting?


It is such a slanderous word. Just the allegations themselves are damning.
Also, I feel like the word comes from such a place of privilege.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

Matt The Martian said:


> As a guy women don't want to talk to, I have the perfect advice for you. Be direct as possible. Tell him you do not want to talk to him, you do not like him, and you do not want to have anything to do with him. That'll hurt him enough to never talk to you again. : )


A less harsh version of this is what I'd suggest. Instead of being rude to him without being direct, especially because you said he is a foreigner and might not pick up on social cues. He doesn't seem to be doing anything harmful, he is just annoying you. I would just ask him directly why he is asking you all these questions, and let him know you don't appreciate them. The goal shouldn't be to hurt him, because that really does no good, the goal should just be to get the message across is a clear way so he doesn't continue to start annoying conversations with you.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Irony would be that he is really interested in your coding, and is just pretending to be interested in you as a person.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Some guys don't take a hint, or a blatent " go away""

I would tell guys " Leave me the fuck alone" or respond to thier stories with rude sarcasm, sometimes flat-out saying " I don't care."

I blame character stereotypes. These guys have a fetish for the " cold bitch" trope so the meaner you are they harder they try while being polite gives them no reason to quit.

Have you tried responding to his questions with a curt one-word response? That might work a little.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, the creepers I dealt with only left me alone because I graduated.


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## Blue Sphere (Oct 14, 2015)

Falling Leaves said:


> I started a course a few weeks ago, and just this week, one of my classmates randomly started trying to make nice.


I can relate with the guy to be honest. As I used to have a crush during highschool where my interaction with her would 100% turn out into a series of question of me asking her things (but I don't ask about personal info), just like what this guy is doing. And ofc my romance history got no where I bet she has already forgotten about me now.

The question barrage stems from lack of social skills (either inherent or learned) when going face to face against someone where one can't extend conversations right on the spot and instead just end topics immediately after they're brought up. And of course for the sake of speaking with the person they adore it can't just be like this so they come up with another topic instead, in the form of questions to force a response. Rinse and repeat.

He is more or less just a shy guy trying to hit on a girl, that's not a problem. His only problem is trying to get other's details like emails and even daily routine right off the bat.

I don't think telling others outright to "fk off" when they're trying hard to approach is a good decision. At least for me, I never ignore someone purposely when they're trying to get to know me, since I don't have many friends it makes each encounter a wonderful thing for me so imo I don't think being alright mean is the way to go.

However it's also his fault to be so digging when trying to familarise with someone. I say OP should start with a proper session clearing out what can be asked and what can not be and go from there instead of asking around about how to get rid of him now.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

reverse the tables
act even creepier around him
tell him you have this phantasy about cutting off men's penises :laughing:


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## Blue Sphere (Oct 14, 2015)

Vinniebob said:


> reverse the tables
> act even creepier around him
> tell him you have this phantasy about cutting off men's penises :laughing:


Plot Twist: He opened his arms with a wide grin "COME AND GET IT!".


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Blue Sphere said:


> Plot Twist: He opened his arms with a wide grin "COME AND GET IT!".


to which you reply
o.k. but once i lop it off i'm going to stuff it up your ass
mmmmmmm rump roast stuffed with sausage, my favorite


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

it's very rude to call someone creepy.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> They don't understand it?


Supposedly they aren't according to the book. However, the book lies every often.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Why is it bad if that's how they're acting?


You have mischaracterized it. It's not how they are acting, it's how you perceive the way that they are acting. Hmm..yes.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Chasing Nereids said:


> It is such a slanderous word. Just the allegations themselves are damning.
> Also, I feel like the word comes from such a place of privilege.


Seems no worse than calling a girl fat, nasty, or ugly. Those also seem to be a rather one-sided display of power. 

I don't know, it seems like if you're against the word "creepy", you should also be against those words I said.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> You have mischaracterized it. It's not how they are acting, it's how you perceive the way that they are acting. Hmm..yes.


Come to think of it, you have no problems calling people "fat" and/or "ugly", you do it all the time. So you shouldn't have issues with anyone using the somewhat milder adjective "creepy".


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Supposedly they aren't according to the book. However, the book lies every often.


I always thought it would be nice to be a high-functioning autistic. You basically get the best of both worlds, since plenty of neurotypicals have the same social issues as a relatively well-developed diagnosed aspie would.


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## Wulfex (Oct 9, 2014)

Schizoid said:


> Method 2: Act tomboyish in front of him. Speak in a loud voice at all times, walk in a masculine way. Cuss in front of him.
> 
> Method 3: Whenever he tries to talk to you after class, tell him, "Hey I need to go right now, I'll be meeting my boyfriend and I'm running late!" And make sure to bring up the word "boyfriend" in every conversations.


Word of caution on #2: That could be a turn on for him. Rural farmer life has shown me this...

Word of cation on #3: What if he were to find out you were lying about having a boyfriend? (I'm just wildly assuming you're single, mostly because you didn't mention a boyfriend or girlfriend). I know I for one would feel horrible and there's no telling how he would react to it.

He could very well be an aspie... or just really social awkward. You could just be blunt without lying and tell him you aren't interested in seeing anyone at the moment or that you simply aren't interested in him. It's simple, easy and doesn't involve any kind of deceit.


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

Wulfex said:


> He could very well be an aspie... or just really social awkward. You could just be blunt without lying and tell him you aren't interested in seeing anyone at the moment or that you simply aren't interested in him. It's simple, easy and doesn't involve any kind of deceit.



Being blunt would depend on what type of person he is. If he is the type who respect people's boundaries, being blunt would definitely work on him. 

But if he is the type who has a pushy/forceful/controlling personality and kept crossing people's boundaries, like what he did to the OP, I don't think bluntness would work on him. Like I have this guy who has been chasing after me for like half a year, I have bluntly told him that I'm not interested in him in that way or even a relationship at the moment because my ex cheated on me and I hadn't gotten over it yet but he doesn't take no for an answer and he still continued to pursue me. Some people just doesn't know how to take no for an answer and bluntness doesn't work on them. When a girl says "no", instead of hearing the word as "no", they actually heard the words as "Try harder!"


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Seems no worse than calling a girl fat, nasty, or ugly. Those also seem to be a rather one-sided display of power.
> 
> I don't know, it seems like if you're against the word "creepy", you should also be against those words I said.


You act like I'm not against those words as well. I still think creepy is a worse offender though.


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## Amelia (Aug 23, 2015)

Chasing Nereids said:


> It is such a slanderous word. Just the allegations themselves are damning.
> Also, I feel like the word comes from such a place of privilege.


If she feels creeped out, then she has the right to feel that way. It has nothing to do with "privilege".


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Amelia said:


> If she feels creeped out, then she has the right to feel that way. It has nothing to do with "privilege".


There is a certain nuance regarding the difference of professing to feeling creeped out, and calling someone creepy.



Metasentient said:


> Seems no worse than calling a girl fat, nasty, or ugly. Those also seem to be a rather one-sided display of power.
> 
> I don't know, it seems like if you're against the word "creepy", you should also be against those words I said.


Also, replace the word creepy in the OP with any of those words, and she sounds like a jerk. lol


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> I always thought it would be nice to be a high-functioning autistic. You basically get the best of both worlds, since plenty of neurotypicals have the same social issues as a relatively well-developed diagnosed aspie would.


Not really, unless they are really bad at being Normies.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Come to think of it, you have no problems calling people "fat" and/or "ugly", you do it all the time. So you shouldn't have issues with anyone using the somewhat milder adjective "creepy".


Lol who are you to qualify the word that doesn't affect you at all. #femaleprivilege #fatshaming


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Not really, unless they are really bad at being Normies.


At least high-functioning aspies can be so smart. *fluffs your nonexistent fur*


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Lol who are you to qualify the word that doesn't affect you at all. #femaleprivilege #fatshaming


It's rare for a girl to laugh off being called any of those things since they're considered somewhat grave insults... and the stats would show that to be the case, in that overweight and "unattractive" individuals get paid less (for both genders, but women more so on these evaluations). "Creepy" doesn't seem comparable.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> At least high-functioning aspies can be so smart. *fluffs your nonexistent fur*


What if high functioning autism is more high functioning than being a normal smart person. Do such things exist?


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Amelia said:


> If she feels creeped out, then she has the right to feel that way. It has nothing to do with "privilege".


Thank you. I am so terrible at forming a coherent argument even though it's in my head, sometimes.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> What if high functioning autism is more high functioning than being a normal smart person. Do such things exist?


I thought high-functioning just meant that your disorder doesn't stop you from adequately functioning/integrating into society.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> It's rare for a girl to laugh off being called any of those things since they're considered somewhat grave insults... and the stats would show that to be the case, in that overweight and "unattractive" individuals get paid less (for both genders, but women more so on these evaluations). "Creepy" doesn't seem comparable.


Of course it's good that they get less money because they are more competitive in market and thus have greater social mobility. Being fat, it's a meme at this point.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> I thought high-functioning just meant that your disorder doesn't stop you from adequately functioning/integrating into society.


No it means you function highly and normal people can't compare


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Korra said:


> ...so is this guy entitled to Falling Leaves? Flipping the script here. *runs*


No, but shouldn't she at least give him a chance? Instead of just deciding "Oh, I'm _too good _for him" and not even giving him one?


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> No, but shouldn't she at least give him a chance? Instead of just deciding "Oh, I'm _too good _for him" and not even giving him one?


No. He isn't entitled to her time.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Fumetsu said:


> No. He isn't entitled to her time.


Well that's very rude.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> Well that's very rude.


That this guy keeps bothering her like she is oblogated to pay attention to him? Yes,I agree.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

JTHearts said:


> Well that's very rude.


relationships are not that simple. if it was group work, then yes, it would have been rude. however relationships, require certain amount of chemistry and other things. so yea, do not take it too hard


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

Sporadic Aura said:


> Reread her posts, she was planning on calling him creepy to his face.


I think *you* need to reread my post. What I was actually going to say to him was "I find you asking me that incredibly creepy". In response to a creepy question. 

And on the count of calling him creepy... he deserves it. He isn't creepy because he's a bit socially awkward, he isn't creepy because he might have a crush on me, and he isn't creepy because he tries to talk to me.

He's creepy because he asks me quite personal details right off the bat, with no preamble. He always wants to know what I'm doing or where I'm going. He keeps asking me 'if I've had lunch yet?'. Plus, the overall way he carries himself whilst doing all that sets me alarm bells ringing. It's creepy. 

@_JTHearts_ Yeah, I gave him a chance to talk to me and make nice. He blew it. So he has feelings for me? So what? 

His feelings aren't my responsibility; not my circus, not my monkey. I mean, I'm sorry if his feelings get hurt, but that's the way life goes. Get over it.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Falling Leaves said:


> Get over it.


You can't tell me what to do.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> You can't tell me what to do.


Spoken just like a 2 year old.


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

JTHearts said:


> You can't tell me what to do.


Okay, then don't get over it. Or get over it. Do whatever. 

In the meantime, I'm going to keep disregarding your opinions on how and with who I should be spending my time (even if you think I'm being, gasp, _rude_ for not wanting to spend time with someone who makes me feel genuinely uncomfortable :shocked.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

johnson.han.3 said:


> relationships are not that simple. if it was group work, then yes, it would have been rude. however relationships, require certain amount of chemistry and other things*. so yea, do not take it too hard


*Yeah, like consent to actually having a relationship to begin with...

Remarkable that so many people don't get this little detail.



Matt The Martian said:


> What I don't understand is this: if you do not want to get to know a person without knowing who they are first, then what is all this talk about wanting to be polite about denying him access to your life? If you consider that person that low in your eyes, then why does his feelings even matter? His talking to you offends you, so you should offend him.


Because sadly some people take rejection very badly and they want to punish the person who rejected them. And some people can end up in serious trouble when they happen to cross paths with said people and accidentally/deliberately offend them.

I think that this is a pretty real concern to many women. Not sure if it is to men, but looking at the responses in this thread, I'd say that it's seems it's not.

I think that men who have lived stalking or seen it up close have a very different view in regards to the level of severity. I found one source stating that 8%** of women and 2%** of men will experience stalking at one point in their life. Stalkers are generally men who suffer from depression, substance abuse, or personality disorders.

**_The survey was conducted on 8,000 men and 8,000 women, so not sure how well the numbers translate to the rest of the US._


> Motivation for stalking is not primarily sexual, but is more like to include anger and hostility towards the victim, often stemming from *actual or perceived rejection* of the stalker by the victim (4). Victims perceive control and obsessional behavior as primary motives of the stalker (2)_. _


Bolded explains the fear in regards to offending a potential threat. More info here (with additional sources).

Other sources:
Women stalkers (~52 % of victims were reported as male in this particular study)
Men stalking men


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Falling Leaves said:


> His feelings aren't my responsibility; not my circus, not my monkey. I mean, I'm sorry if his feelings get hurt, but that's the way life goes. Get over it.


And you said this guy is foreign or no? Because I'm pretty sure other people do the same kind of things, just with a lot more lateral movement and smoke and mirrors. This allows for some comfort and rapport. But perhaps this guy does not have access to the kind of preambles most offer up linguistically. Being limited in a language could bar you from certain ways of shooting the shit most offer up, and he may be limited to only base, direct phrases.


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> Ohhh I see, this girl thinks she's _too good_ for him.


Calm your tits, everyone feels this way about someone else.


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> No, but shouldn't she at least give him a chance? Instead of just deciding "Oh, I'm _too good _for him" and not even giving him one?


Also, no, she shouldn't. She's not obligated to giving 'someone' a chance.
I act the same way: if a guy hits on me and I'm not interested I ignore it. I'm not wasting my time on someone I know I won't like.

Falling leaves, how goes it?


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Slagasauras said:


> Also, no, she shouldn't. She's not obligated to giving 'someone' a chance.
> I act the same way: if a guy hits on me and I'm not interested I ignore it. I'm not wasting my time on someone I know I won't like.
> 
> Falling leaves, how goes it?


How do you know you won't like him if you won't give him a chance?


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

JTHearts said:


> No, but shouldn't she at least give him a chance? Instead of just deciding "Oh, I'm _too good _for him" and not even giving him one?


Not necessarily. You can judge a lot of a person by how they communicate and what they do rather than the actual content of what they say. A lot of this guy's questions to the OPer are superficial and just seems kind of insincere in a way that he may have other intentions. Maybe he is a lonely guy? He probably doesn't deserve to be called creepy, but she can let him down easy or avoid him.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Swede said:


> *Yeah, like consent to actually having a relationship to begin with...
> 
> Remarkable that so many people don't get this little detail.
> 
> ...


How would you go about explaining this, succinctly if possible, to someone who does not appear to see the "harm" in rejecting a strange man's advances, without being labeled "paranoid"/fearful? 

And not even within a university, but outside or anywhere in public.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

JTHearts said:


> How do you know you won't like him if you won't give him a chance?


Ironic statement, don't you think, considering your thread at the advice section?


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

JTHearts said:


> Ohhh I see, this girl thinks she's _too good_ for him.


If she knows better than to pester strangers in an obnoxious and entitled manner, then yes, she is too good for him.


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## Jagdpanther (May 16, 2015)

Well, why don't you just tell him you're not feeling comfortable ? That would be some way of putting him down without being uselessly rude. If he asks you why, just tell him why you're that uneasy when he's talking to you. Don't judge him and don't be mean to him. It can have dramatic consequences.

As a girl who is often called "creepy/odd", who has awful social skills and suffers a lot from these things, I can tell you that he might be depressed or might have taken so many blows that the next may be the last, so don't be rude, you could make a very, very serious mistake that could lead him to terrible things. 
He may have something to tell you about his backstory, you never know, maybe he has suffered so much that he can't take it anymore ? Maybe he's lonely ? But after that final talk, avoid him so he gets the hint. Just be clear and precise. Don't be rude, I continue to say it, but just tell him you're not interested and will never be, but tell him to not feel attacked, that you're just not the one for him. It's a good way of letting someone down without having problems after.


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## Rhonda Rousey (Sep 22, 2015)

Tell him to fuck off. He's problably mentally ill and can't understand he hints that he's being obnoxious.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Metasentient said:


> How would you go about explaining this, succinctly if possible, to someone who does not appear to see the "harm" in rejecting a strange man's advances, without being labeled "paranoid"/fearful?
> 
> And not even within a university, but outside or anywhere in public.


I get what you are saying.

I guess it depends on the person you are talking with and whether you care about this person's opinions or not, specifically this person's opinion about you. 
It also depends on your level of desire to explain your POV and/or to "justify" your choices to others.
That said, you will never be able to make everyone happy, so don't even bother setting that up as a goal or you will always be sad and frustrated. 

I'd say that a person who refuses to see something from another perspective than their own is a lost cause off the bat - sort them out and don't even try to explain your POV.
A person who is more neutral might be open to listen to stats and consider other facts; for example men are stronger than women, so as a woman it might be common sense to be cautious.

Personally, I do not feel that you should have to justify the way you select your social life to others. There are plenty of reasons why people choose to not expand their social life, some of which are pretty personal. 
Examples: past traumatic experiences, low social bandwidth, low energy & stressful life in general, larger need for solitude than the average person, etc.

However, just in general I'd like to repeat that when it comes to intuition, it is there for a reason. Trust your instincts. There will be plenty of opinions from others that might go against what your gut is telling you. But at the end of the day, they can shrug and say "Whoopsidaisy, I was wrong, sorry about your stalker" because the bottom line is that the person who has the most influence and responsibility over your safety is you and you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your choices - whether you are at fault or not. 
To listen and give in to other people's well meaning advice can sometimes end up being pretty dangerous.


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> How do you know you won't like him if you won't give him a chance?


Because a) he is physically unattractive to me b) he has a personality I do not like.
Me giving him a chance was simply observing him. I don't go on dates with guys who do not fit my standard. 
If I sat around and gave people chances all the time, I'd be nowhere.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

wtf with all the poor advice in this thread?

*Be straight-forward without being rude yourself.*

"Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't feel like a answering questions or even having a conversation. Thanks for understanding."

Or "I'm really not interested in new friends at the moment. Thanks for understanding."

If he persists, "Can you stop please? I've asked you to respect my privacy and I'm trying to be clear with you."

If he persists, report it.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I don't get it. It's so much easier to tell him to go away than to make a convoluted hint that will fail.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Ah, but you also missed the first portion of what I said. My issue was that you didn't like the word "creepy" but you have no problems calling people (let's say _equally_) bad adjectives, using terms that are comparatively more damaging to women.


I'm pro-abortion, not pro-choice.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I'm pro-abortion, not pro-choice.


That's excellent.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

Falling Leaves said:


> I think *you* need to reread my post. What I was actually going to say to him was "I find you asking me that incredibly creepy". In response to a creepy question.


Thats essentially the same thing as just calling him creepy, the message is the same. Creepy has really strong connotations, especially when used as a way to reject someone. Would you need to use that word to get your message across? I don't think so, personally. It seems like the appeal comes from the harshness of it.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I'm pro-abortion, not pro-choice.


Didn't you take a stand for post-birth abortions?


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Sporadic Aura said:


> Didn't you take a stand for post-birth abortions?


Of course I did. It is consistent with my statement as you can see. There's no reason why you don't own your kid after it is born. Weaknesses prevent people from aborting, that is why intervention from government is needed.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> That's excellent.


Only for people who are destined to be failures, but destiny only exists in the movies.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Sporadic Aura said:


> Thats essentially the same thing as just calling him creepy, the message is the same. Creepy has really strong connotations, especially when used as a way to reject someone. Would you need to use that word to get your message across? I don't think so, personally. It seems like the appeal comes from the harshness of it.


Creepy is a rumor, it goes around with people to kill the weak identities of weak males. It doesn't matter at this point, it is an early warning system.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Slagasauras said:


> Because a) he is physically unattractive to me b) he has a personality I do not like.
> Me giving him a chance was simply observing him. I don't go on dates with guys who do not fit my standard.
> If I sat around and gave people chances all the time, I'd be nowhere.


Ass bottom end of nowhere with all your connections self-destructing because you "inspired" them to do good with the world.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Only for people who are destined to be failures, but destiny only exists in the movies.


Destiny exists in the form of unalterable events.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Destiny exists in the form of unalterable events.


Also known as the Bill of Rights. The only immutable stuff in the world.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Also known as the Bill of Rights. The only immutable stuff in the world.


Some rights are more immutable than others. :S


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Some rights are more immutable than others. :S


That's not a spectrum, not yet. The psychiatric community be sure to make it one though.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> That's not a spectrum, not yet. The psychiatric community be sure to make it one though.


Your Tee function lets you see the Forms, but not the manifestation of the Forms before you :S


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Metasentient said:


> Your Tee function lets you see the Forms, but not the manifestation of the Forms before you :S


My life was ruined because someone called me creepy. No 5 cents lost on the dollar on any amount of people will change that.


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## 45130 (Aug 26, 2012)

JTHearts said:


> Ohhh I see, this girl thinks she's _too good_ for him.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Rage XD


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