# Does this EST(F)J like me?



## porkchop (Jul 17, 2012)

I'm not 100% sure if he's an ESTJ or an ESFJ, he's tested both ways. Maybe you'll have an opinion after reading this.

_Background:_

- he's my coworker
- we've known each other a few years and connected right off the bat.

_why i think he likes me:
_- we chat at least an hour or two a day. he's usually the one to seek me out and often uses some silly excuse to start conversation. 
- we are (what I'd consider) very flirty. Lots of extended eye contact and coy smiling. Inside jokes, constant teasing. The usual stuff.
- I know he pays a lot of attention to me, even when I don't notice. He'll bring up little things about a situation or about my behavior that proves he's got an eye on me.
- he seems to deeply care about me. offers me advice. Notices when I'm down. If I bring up something that's upsetting me, he follows up to see how I'm doing.
- we talk about everything under the sun. Books, movies, music, family, boring old stories from our past. He's all ears and ardently listens to me and I him. 
- he's always looking out for me.
- he texts me after work, during the weekends, vacation, etc. 
- if for some reason, i'm not at work he reaches out in the am to find out why.

_why I'm not convinced:_
- he sends me mixed messages. 
- he seems to have put up boundaries. If I ever try to dig in too deep about his feelings, he seems to shut down.
- he doesn't engage in much verbal flirting. 
- sometimes when I see him out of our usual context or he's suprised to see me, he gives me the cold shoulder
- at work social gatherings, even when I'm his closest friend, he almost avoids me at the beginning, but sure enough always winds up spending the most time with me. and as I noted above, always seems to have an eye on what I'm doing and will comment about it later.
- when we hang out outside of work, the boundaries seem more clear than ever. Inside of work, we're very flirty as I mentioned above.
- he's in a committed relationship, though i suspect he's not happy. 

_Why I think he's an "f":
_- He cares deeply about strangers, especially kids
- He's very gossipy (isn't this a "f" stereotype?)
- He's very sensitive. While we tease each other all the time, once in a while I'll say something to set him off and he'll give me the silent treatment.

_Why I think he's a "t":
_- He doesn't like to talk about his feelings or emotions
- He makes his decisions based off of lists.

_Other characteristics, I'm not sure where they fit:
_- He puts a lot of weight into tradition, thinks people should have the same belief system he does
- He can be judgmental, but tends to warm up to people after he spends enough time with them. In general, he sees the worst before opening up though.
- He's very social when out, but can be "put out" to have to attend something

So, what do you think? Is he into me? Does this sound like the portrait of an ESTJ or ESFJ? thanks for reading!


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## BooMonster (May 25, 2012)

I'd peg him as a "T", and yes, I'd interpret his behaviour as being very interested  - mind you I'm not an ESTJ, just another interested ENFP bystander


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## porkchop (Jul 17, 2012)

BooMonster said:


> I'd peg him as a "T", and yes, I'd interpret his behaviour as being very interested  - mind you I'm not an ESTJ, just another interested ENFP bystander


 thanks for your response. Starting to see him as more of a "t", too. 

And I hope you're right about the interest. ENFP's unite!


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## Cassieopeia (Jan 9, 2012)

I'm not sure if he's a Feeler or a Thinker.

I think he's definitely interested, but the boundaries and "cold shoulder" are due to the confusion. He's probably afraid to like you any more than he already does. He's already in a committed relationship; he's not sure what to do yet.

If I were you, I would just keep doin' what you're doin'. I wouldn't turn up the flirty-ness level when you're she he likes you to get him to break off his relationship, 'cause that's kind of wrong to me, not that you would do that, but I'm just giving advice. If he's not happy, which is evident, he will eventually leave... and probably go to you.


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## porkchop (Jul 17, 2012)

Cassieopeia said:


> I'm not sure if he's a Feeler or a Thinker.
> 
> I think he's definitely interested, but the boundaries and "cold shoulder" are due to the confusion. He's probably afraid to like you any more than he already does. He's already in a committed relationship; he's not sure what to do yet.
> 
> If I were you, I would just keep doin' what you're doin'. I wouldn't turn up the flirty-ness level when you're she he likes you to get him to break off his relationship, 'cause that's kind of wrong to me, not that you would do that, but I'm just giving advice. If he's not happy, which is evident, he will eventually leave... and probably go to you.


Thanks for the response! This is sort of what I hope is happening...that he really does like me but is just working things out in his mind. Definitely would not try to overstep the bounds of his relationship, just trying to figure out if there is something there or whether I should try and force him out of my mind. I'll keep with the status quo and not turn up the flirting. Thanks again!


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## djdk89 (Sep 23, 2012)

He's a ESFJ That sounds like me on the spot Just like someone said he is probably confused. It's hard for me to hold back my emotions when I'm interested. For his feelings to come it takes a while I didn't develop that part of myself until i was 23. For the list SJ are goal oriented and that's what i think it is. The main reason to Relationship is like your word gotta be honest when he leaves he'll be right for you.


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