# How can I become less secretive?



## Fruitbasket (May 11, 2009)

I'm also extremely secretive and have been for my entire life. I never even voiced my opinions up until 1-1½ years ago (and I just recently turned 20). I Never kept a journal, didn't meet many like-minded people and was never a member of any forum so I never had an outlet.

These last months, i've started keeping a journal (I hate it, feels like i'm talking to an imaginary friend, but it's practice nonetheless), voicing my opinions more often (not radically, just to start somewhere) and yeah.. joined this and some other forum. I try to change slow and decisively.

I still feel very uncomfortable just writing this down, but all it takes is doing it. Just do it; Don't be so secretive.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

*Why change it?*

The second anyone finds anything out about you they use it against you abrasively. Trust no one. Our world is about the denial of health care, the robbing of retirement from the elderly and all other kinds of injustice. Ever talk to a credit card company? They will rob your ass quicker than you can say lower interest rate, please. And the great thing about now is that it's GOOD people who do it. The 401k, the stock options all great motivators, the christmas bonus that comes from denying a cancer removal surgery.


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## Munchies (Jun 22, 2009)

Deagalman said:


> The second anyone finds anything out about you they use it against you abrasively. Trust no one. Our world is about the denial of health care, the robbing of retirement from the elderly and all other kinds of injustice. Ever talk to a credit card company? They will rob your ass quicker than you can say lower interest rate, please. And the great thing about now is that it's GOOD people who do it. The 401k, the stock options all great motivators, the christmas bonus that comes from denying a cancer removal surgery.


 your probably not very fun to talk to now are you...

Anyways to the question, just be open... Theres no problem with not being secretive unless you make it one, find out why you make it a problem and then you can solve it. Example: Your being secretive because you cant trust anybody. So to solve that you start looking in the good of people instead of bad, and start opening yourself up more.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

Munchies said:


> your probably not very fun to talk to now are you...
> 
> Anyways to the question, just be open... Theres no problem with not being secretive unless you make it one, find out why you make it a problem and then you can solve it. Example: Your being secretive because you cant trust anybody. So to solve that you start looking in the good of people instead of bad, and start opening yourself up more.[/quote
> 
> ...


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

hhmm, first of all, i think it's great that you desire to be less secretive. to me that translates as you have something to share. and i know you have a lot to share! i'm glad you've shared what you've shared on this forum! 

it's hard... sometimes you feel like you say too much (i tend to be too transparent, and then i get really anxious about it, then i calm down, and something usually happens that makes me glad i took the chance and said what i said.) it's hard when you put yourself out there and are misunderstood. it's hard when you take a chance and are ignored. anticlimactic even- little do some people know what you put into a thought, or an idea, or feedback, or poetry, or anything- or the emotion and life experience it came from. it's hard when you say something and accidentally hurt someone's feelings. it's hard when you say something and feel like you just got put on the "freak of the world" pedestal for all to behold  etc etc etc. 

but when you take a chance and you really connect with someone- that's awesome. and totally redeems any of the aches and pains it took to get to that awesome moment of connection. 

there's a saying "if you have something to say, there's someone who needs to hear it" i love that, and i have to remind myself of that all the time.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Scipio said:


> Why are you so worried about what others think of you? Is it particularly important to you to have good relations with everyone?
> 
> There is nothing wrong with being secretive to an extent, I thnink theres a natural defense mechanism in limiting the parts of yourself that others do see, it just sounds that you perhaps take it to more of an extreme.
> 
> In terms of confidence, what do you feel has led to a lack of confidence in yourself?


Yes, it is important for me to have good relations with everyone. I only got in a fight with a friend once in my life, and we are now friends again. I have a great fear of being hated.

In terms of confidence, the fact that almost every aspect of myself is pretty much the opposite of society's ideal. I am extremely sensitive, so exposing more about myself would only set myself up for failure with the confidence level I have right now. I just need a find a way to boost my confidence.


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## Munchies (Jun 22, 2009)

PeacePassion said:


> hhmm, first of all, i think it's great that you desire to be less secretive. to me that translates as you have something to share. and i know you have a lot to share! i'm glad you've shared what you've shared on this forum!
> 
> it's hard... sometimes you feel like you say too much (i tend to be too transparent, and then i get really anxious about it, then i calm down, and something usually happens that makes me glad i took the chance and said what i said.) it's hard when you put yourself out there and are misunderstood. it's hard when you take a chance and are ignored. anticlimactic even- little do some people know what you put into a thought, or an idea, or feedback, or poetry, or anything- or the emotion and life experience it came from. it's hard when you say something and accidentally hurt someone's feelings. it's hard when you say something and feel like you just got put on the "freak of the world" pedestal for all to behold  etc etc etc.
> 
> ...


Was this a message to me? If so thank you! 

"if you have something to say, there's someone who needs to hear it"
You would be amazed to how true that is.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Munchies said:


> Was this a message to me? If so thank you!
> 
> "if you have something to say, there's someone who needs to hear it"
> You would be amazed to how true that is.


was it? lol i wouldn't have expected it to be, but if it was, you're welcome! haha 

and yes, it is definitely true!!! it always does amaze me!


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

I just thought of an exercise that might help people who are having problems with secrecy. You know those online surveys that you see floating around? Like this one. 



> What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?:
> What’s the last food item you touched?:
> Who ticked you off last and why?:
> What would you change about your special someone?:
> ...


Just fill them out as honestly as possible as a sort of practice. You don't necessarily have to share them with anyone, but it will get you to 1) be more introspective, and 2) open up. It may be just for your own benefit, but getting something down on "paper" can sometimes feel as though you're talking to another person.


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Arghs! Chainpost time.

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?: Pepsi
What’s the last food item you touched?: Mini Cheddars
Who ticked you off last and why?: My mate Laura for being incapable of freeing up 1 evening because of 100 reasons. tut. If you don't want to, just say so!
What would you change about your special someone?: Don't have one at the moment, if was the ex her inability to stick with anything for more than 5 minutes.
What is your worst habit?: Always fidgeting/eating pens!
Do you make fun of people who are different than you? Unfortunately yes. I'm terribly judgemental
What’s the best news you’ve gotten recently?: Good news eh? Unheard of.
The worst?: No comment.
You have $200 to blow…what do you spend it on?: An electronic Gizmo or a night out.
One month to live…What do you do?: Party out the remaining hours. 
Who do you call first with any kind of news?: My mum usually.
And then you call? My mates.
Who knows the most about you?: Not sure actually!
What makes you absolutely livid?: People who stop a conversation with you to answer their mobile phone!! :angry:
U can only have one makeup item, what is it?: Don't wear makeup
What’s the last thing you dressed up for?: A meeting at work.
What tv show are you embarrassed to admit you watch?: Don't watch much TV
What band you’re embarrassed to listen to?: Evanescence. Borderline emo-tastic.
What’s you’re favorite ice cream place and what do u get there?: The hagen das shop in Mall of the Emirates. Pancakes, Syrup and Ice Cream
When you’re in a store and see this person, you try to not get noticed? The ex or an old mate from high school called Craig, who is a complete loon at best.
The dumbest thing you’ve done lately is…: Scratched my rental car by driving into a wall.
The dumbest thing you’ve seen someone else do lately?: Try to skip the queue at the fish and chip shop. She didnt count on me being decisive.
If someone gave u a coloring bookk and crayons you would…: Doodle guys with top hats and pirates and tanks.
Favorite Disney character?: n/a
Favorite Disney movie?: *facepalms*
My dream dinner party would be with…: Friends?
I would serve _____as the meal.: Probably something quite filling with mashed potato.
And after dinner ________….: ??? Chocolatey Foamy Cake!
Last thing someone bought for you?: Must have been way back at christmas, a watch and guitar hero!
Someone pranks you…your first guess as to who it is?: Rachel!
The last person you called a name was?: No idea.
How do you want to be remembered?: A statue would be nice. Duke of Wellington stylee!


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

I don't really want the thread to get spammy. Maybe a thread split?​ 


What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?: *my bottom lip*​What’s the last food item you touched?: *powdered donuts*
Who ticked you off last and why?: *my mother. She was threatening me again about my messy room again.*

What would you change about your special someone?: *I’d have to have a special someone to change them.*
What is your worst habit?: *saying “I know” as a reflexive response even when I don’t know*
Do you make fun of people who are different than you? *sometimes. I think we all do.*
What’s the best news you’ve gotten recently?: *I dunno.*
The worst?: *I don’t remember XD*
You have $200 to blow…what do you spend it on?: *clothes. I don’t have any -_-*
One month to live…What do you do?: *nothing drastically different, but I’d spend more time with my friends (and try really hard to get laid XD)*
Who do you call first with any kind of news?: *I don’t really use the phone. I’d probably tell one of my internet friends.*
And then you call?: *This is kind of a stupid question :/*
Who knows the most about you?: *my bff Sydney*
What makes you absolutely livid?: *people giving me commands and my mother*
U can only have one makeup item, what is it?: *somewhat of a tie between foundation and eyeliner*
What’s the last thing you dressed up for?: *a graduation party for one of my friends. It was a cute dress too ^^*
What tv show are you embarrassed to admit you watch?: *Little Einsteins, but I’m not all that embarrassed*
What band you’re embarrassed to listen to?: *Miley Cyrus. I just really like that climb song* :blushed:
What’s your favorite ice cream place and what do u get there?: *Coldstones, and I recently got Strawberry Blonde ice cream. It’s strawberry ice cream with graham crackers and whipped cream in it.*
When you’re in a store and see this person, you try to not get noticed?: *any acquaintance of mine. I’d rather avoid those few minutes of awkward, pointless chit chat.*
The dumbest thing you’ve done lately is…: *at work (McDonalds) instead of filling up the little funnel with water, I put liquid egg in it XD In my defense, they were right next to each other.*
The dumbest thing you’ve seen someone else do lately?: *one of my friends took her ex back -_-*
If someone gave you a coloring book and crayons you would…: *color? I do this all the time ^^*
Favorite Disney character?: *Mulan. She’s badass.*
Favorite Disney movie?: *Lion King*
My dream dinner party would be with…: *my dream girl*
I would serve _____as the meal*.: take-out Chinese food. And we’d have to sit on the floor because that’s the best way to eat Chinese food.*
And after dinner ________….: I *shouldn’t be allowed to answer that question.*
Last thing someone bought for you?: *my mom just bought me contact solution.*
Someone pranks you…your first guess as to who it is?: *one of the boys at work*
The last person you called a name was?: *my mother, but not to her face. I tend not to call people things to their face.*
How do you want to be remembered?: *as someone who was loved.*​


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