# Only Child Psychology & Development . . .



## flyintheointment (Jun 15, 2009)

*What was it like to grow up an only child? Positive or negative? *​ 



> Q: What Are the Personality Traits of Only Children? | Suite101.com​
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## Harley (Jul 5, 2009)

I was an only lonely growing up, and it was terribly lonely and boring. I always wanted someone to play with me, whether it was house or dolls, or in the backyard or whatever. Because of this I created an attachment to my dolls and stuffed animals naming them, giving them habits and personalities, and using my imagination to create scenarios to enact with them, which also cause me to be very creative. Of course this behaviour is normal for the most part, but my attachment continued all the way up until I was around 13 (I know, sad) because I had become so reliable on stuffed animals for companions. 

Ironically though, I never really got along well with my own peers but rather with people either older than me as the list states, or people younger than me. In grade 5 my best friend was this girl two grades of ahead of me, and got along great, and always hung out at recces just talking to each other. For some reason though there was this rule at school where younger kids, are not to fraternize with the older ones, she got ratted on, stopped talking to me, and I became friendless again. I still interacted with kids in my own grade, but it just wasn't the same.

I might have been very introverted growing up, but I've learned to socialize more, so I'm not completely closed off and shy when I talk to people. As I got older I appreciated my only child status, after realizing how little households had only one child, and I felt special:laughing:.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

I was an only child too. I think that's why I was socially awkward growing up.


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## pinkcess (Oct 6, 2009)

I have a similar response to the first replier: 
-was very attached to inanimate objects/toys - I made them my friends rather than had real ones. And like her, I was attached to them up until I was at least 12 and only detached myself from them because other people were saying that I was too old to be playing with Barbies and stuffed toys. 
-I made friends my own age but they never lasted. For some simple reason or another, they always found another friend and I was discarded and left to be alone to which I would have to find another friend and the same thing would happen. I'm 24 now and the friends that I used to have all seem to maintain their friendships from when they were young children. Except me. Not only do I not have friends from my childhood - I know them and we are friends on Facebook but we don't really speak - I actually don't have any friends that I feel I can count on today and I feel that social awkwardness that I developed as a child has stayed with me. 
-I was most definitely a spoiled child as not only am I an only child, my parents had me when they were older (my mom was close to 40 when she had me) so they were well established and had plenty of resources for me to use and take advantage of: Christmas at Disney world every year up until I was 15 and then Miami during March breaks and 3 week long vacations during the summer periods to some far away place. All that time spent with my parents has made me seriously deficient in relying on others and socializing with others. 
-I am very critical of myself and others and this is a serious disadvantage when it comes to relationships. 

I just wish I were more outgoing and even extroverted - just a little bit.


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## Schadenfreude (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm an only child too, also the only granddaughter and only great granddaughter. I had similar childhood experiences with the first replier and fourth poster. Not only did I not have siblings, I didn't have neighbors either. So, I was attached to my pets, especially my dogs. They were my playmates, friends and I run to them when I'm sad. I was used to being alone that I didn't find it boring. I thought that it was normal and I preoccupied myself with my hobbies and learning about things that interested me. 
Because of growing up alone, I didn't have much social skills, I felt odd and I couldn't understand or connect with people who were the same age as I. It's always with someone who is much older than me.

I have poor conversation skills so even if I want to talk to a PerC member, I can't because I can't think of anything to say. 
People would tell me to begin by saying "Hi", but I don't know what to do after that.


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## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

As a child I would have entire conversations with myself for hours on end. I had several imaginary friends who I would discuss and debate with. I only stopped when my parents warned me because it was weird.

The places that I stayed had no children that I could play with regularly until I was about 8. I was horribly adjusted socially, to the point where I would freeze if asked a question by a teacher in class.

I spent my time playing games, reading, doing puzzles, drawing and playing with lego. I never had the internet so I never found out about any topics that could have caught my interest. (I never used a computer until I was about 12).

All of the traits match me with exception to confidence. I have never really had confidence. I loved talking to adults as they know things that I didn't, and my grandmother especially. She would always entertain my eccentric nature and insane thoughts.

My conversation skills still suck, but I'm more detached than anxious socially now.


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

I was a socially akward yet out going child growing up. I did not fit the profectionist stereotype. I tried my best and focus on things I excelled in and basically ignored the things I didn't. I an extremely critical of myself, and sometimes with others if they go against values I hold strongly. I would never consider myself confident. I have my moments but they are few and far between. I can converse with people of all ages. It's more about the individual than it is about the age group they fit in.


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## Darner (Apr 20, 2010)

Hmmm ... this quote describes only children almost as narcissistic 



> * Strong attention to detail
> * Critical of self and others
> * Confident
> * High achiever
> ...


Anyway, similar story as above described ones. Luckily I my 3-years-older cousin lived next door so we played together all the time, but it was quite a shock when he started elementary school because he started to hang out with guys of his age and I wasn't cool enough. Then we also moved and in the new place my integration was medium. I'm a nice person so I got along with my school-mates and I had a best friend. So actually it wasn't "bad" at all, I wasn't alone that much because I of my only-childness but because I wanted to be. Me and all twenty of my imaginary friends got along just fine  Of course I wanted a sibling but that just because I was the only only-child in my class and people always want what everyone else have  I have to thank my parents for dragging me in every possible activity and summer camp there was, I hated them back then but they helped me a lot with learning how to socialize. But it is definitely true about the elderly. Every single one of them loved me.


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## Scyllae (Sep 9, 2010)

There are a ton of negative stereotypes about only children, which is a little discouraging.

Unlike many of the posters, I never really considered being an only child a disadvantage. In fact, you might even say that I was psychologically healthier until step-siblings and half-siblings were introduced and it was attempted to force me into the "oldest child" role. Not many differences personality-wise, but you can't just tell an only child (who needs some alone time) that there is no privacy in this house and you're now responsible for watching the kids.

I have all of the characteristics listed, possibly to a stronger level (ISTJ & Type 1), but it's often been said that Onlies take the Oldest child characteristics to an extreme.

Socially, I was fine growing up. I am strongly introverted, but managed to keep a few of the same friends for years and years. Meeting people and making friends in school was never really an issue - I went and hung out with my friends when I wanted to, and if I just wanted to read for the afternoon it wasn't a big deal. I think one thing that might have helped me was having frequent opportunities to travel - meeting new people, being exposed to new things. I have perfectly fine social skills.

I will agree with the fact that it is a lot easier to talk to people older than me. I grew up being really close to my grandparents and mom, so I was around their friends a lot and it just became an easy thing to do. It's even gotten to an extent where it's HARDER for me to relate to people my age because they do a lot of things that are...well, pretty immature - and growing up with older people can help instill "older" values, if you will.


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## superstar2559 (Dec 6, 2010)

I'm an only child and all these traits fit me perfectly. I find I'm a strange combination of being extroverted and introverted. On one had, growing up I was very lonely, and as everyone else has said I became very attached to my toys, and I learned to be very imaginative and comfortable by myself. Even now, I would describe myself as a loner, and prefering to be on my own, just because its what I'm used to. I've never really had any close friends, and like everyone else here, I've struggled to hold onto friendships over time. I'm not very trusting of others, and find it hard to relate sometimes. However, on the other hand I am a performer. Drama, music, public speaking, you name it. The weird thing is, my parents are not, they are very introverted individuals, so being a performer is quite unique since I had no obvious influence.I have no problem being in front I a crowd, and I believe myself to have good self esteam, even though I am very self critical. I don't bend to peer pressure as I've seen others do around me, and I have strong morals and a high achiever. Its a strange combination, but I'm thankful for it. Though I was lonely as a child, and regret never being able to have that close bond that only siblings can have with one another, I wouldn't change anything. I am only the person I am today because of my up bringing, and I'm proud of the triats its given me. However to contrdict that....I wouldn't want to wish it upon my kids, and plan to have mroe than 1.


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## Dreamer (Feb 5, 2010)

Strong attention to detail 
*Critical of self and others *
Confident 
High achiever 
Independent 
More likely to be *strongly introverted* or strongly extroverted 
Increased chance of success (because other siblings don't take resources) 
*Comfortable conversing with people older than themselves*
I bolded what I agree with. But I don't think i'm much like the stereotype at all.


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## cosmic zebra (Dec 30, 2009)

technically, i'm not an only child. i have an older sister, who is thirteen years my senior. as a result of this age difference, i'd consider myself somewhat of an only child. anyway, i'm certainly my mother's only child.

- strong attention to detail? i don't know. when i was younger, i'd always notice the typos in books. but otherwise... i think i pretend to be oblivious, but i'm not. to me, details include faults. close inspection of faults. it can be a headache, especially when your own work/life/face is the object that's being inspected...

which totally brings me to being critical of myself and others - yes (to self). i know my every fault, inside and out. i suck etc. others? i can be... yeah...

apparently i have high standards/am a perfectionist.

over-achiever? in a way, but... no. under-achiever. all or nothing. if i can't do it perfectly, is it really worth my time? and on and on and on.

more introverted than extroverted. but not strongly so. i did spend time with a lot of other kids my age when growing up. as i've gotten older, i appear to become more socially awkward, however, but... i drive myself crazy after a while. social isolation does me in. that said, a splendid night in with myself is held to higher regard than a good night out with mates. so maybe i am quite introverted.

independent? somewhat. not really. perhaps. 

and i find talking to people older than myself very difficult, because i feel they can see right through me, penetrating deep into my very (corrupt) soul and all that.

... maybe i suck at being an only (ish) child.


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