# How to make an ESTP feel bad or regret dumping a girl?



## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Tell me please. He is such a gerk.


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## Derosa90 (Oct 1, 2009)

There's got to be more to the story. I wouldn't even bother with trying to fight with the person after you broke up. Why cause any more drama? If he was such a gerk, don't even involve him in your life anymore. You don't need a gerk in your life.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

It is hard for me to get past. I definately wont contact him. I am just thinking about everything that happened and I am curious. I don't want to actively get even. Just want to know.


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## Monkey King (Nov 16, 2010)

If you're going to not use it against him then why bother? 

If you're going to use it against him, then you'll be as bad as he is. 

You said you don't want to actively get even but this means you can subconsciously do it through other means (i.e. Facebook status updates.) 

From what I've observed, ESTPs don't regret dumping anyone until much later and ONLY if he thinks it was a bad call on his part. However, that isn't reserved only for the ESTP population. It's every man/woman that was just not that into their partner.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Aila8 said:


> If you're going to not use it against him then why bother?
> 
> If you're going to use it against him, then you'll be as bad as he is.
> 
> ...


Thanks. That is what I am trying to get at. Understand I am an INFJ. Sometimes I ask quesions just to get an idea of a situation. Not to actually, actively find or use specific details for any reason. Just trying to learn more to help me feel better.

I do feel like not stooping to his level is helping. I don't mean getting even, but just by not talking to him, he can't think that I am playing along or accepting what happened.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

It is all coming to me now. He may feel like he has to try out other things. So after he realizes it isn't all that great then he might regret or at least wish he handled the situation differently. I see.

But then I was thinking. If you really really like someone, why would you do such a thing. Well that could be the problem. Him liking someone so soon could make him feel like he has to make a choice. One that he is not logically ready for. What do you guys think? Man I am smart.


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

I hate to be insensitive, but if he dumped you, he's not going to feel bad.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Mr.Xl Vii said:


> I hate to be insensitive, but if he dumped you, he's not going to feel bad.


Even if he said he cares for me? And doesn't want to stop talking? And lives in another state?


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## Monkey King (Nov 16, 2010)

Cleo said:


> I do feel like not stooping to his level is helping. I don't mean getting even, but just by not talking to him, he can't think that I am playing along or accepting what happened.


Don't you think that he would have expected you to 'act' a certain way? Acting opposite of that could mean you don't care. When I leave someone I always expect an overreaction, when it doesn't happen I reflect that perhaps I've misjudged--- but that will not automatically make me re-think my decision. 

I think leaving it be is a sign of maturity in handling relationships. 



Cleo said:


> But then I was thinking. If you really really like someone, why would you do such a thing.



I think people always assume they know *exactly *what they want, when in actuality they don't. For instance, I know what I want in a relationship, but I don't have a flying clue exactly what I want. I follow guidelines not rules in this game.


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

Cleo said:


> Even if he said he cares for me? And doesn't want to stop talking? And lives in another state?


Meh, he made a decision, I doubt he's going to come back groveling about how he regrets it. I dont know him well though. I know I wouldn't. Maybe a drunken phone call here, or a comment like the one you said there, but I wouldn't go back on my decision. And ESTPs are even more stubborn from my experience.


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## Monkey King (Nov 16, 2010)

Cleo said:


> Even if he said he cares for me? And doesn't want to stop talking? And lives in another state?



So you're saying, he wants to have one's cake and eat it too?


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Aila8 said:


> So you're saying, he wants to have one's cake and eat it too?


Very much seems that way, but not sure. He is an extravert and perceiver, so would that be terribly unusual for him to want to keep contact with pretty much anybody and everybody?


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

Revenge only prolongs the period in which this will hurt you. Let it go. You're not so perfect that any man that leaves you should be punished. In return, you have the right to determine when your own relationships need to end without your exes trying to make you feel bad.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> Revenge only prolongs the period in which this will hurt you. Let it go. You're not so perfect that any man that leaves you should be punished. In return, you have the right to determine when your own relationships need to end without your exes trying to make you feel bad.


True. But some people are gerks and go around making damage without regards to others. It hurts.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Well, being an emotionally manipulative psycho ex isn't going to help.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Hahaha. Thats halarious. I am trying not to be. Like I said, I am not actually going to do anything. Really all I can do is move on, but I just wish I understood better of what happened.


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## IheartFootball10 (Sep 25, 2010)

You won't guilt him into taking you back. It wasn't meant to be. Focus your energy into finding a guy that's right for you and let this one go.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

IheartFootball10 said:


> You won't guilt him into taking you back. It wasn't meant to be. Focus your energy into finding a guy that's right for you and let this one go.


I don't want to guilt him into coming back to me.


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## Pizal (Jul 8, 2011)

Ok, I'm gunna first say this is bad advice. Go on a date with another guy maybe one of his friends and make sure you look better than you ever looked when you are on a date with him. You have to make sure he sees it though. That is the only way he will second guess the break up. In short, make him jealous. This is horrible and shouldn't do it. 

Now if he were an ENFP you just have to tell them we can make it work. We always second guess our break ups.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

This thread is quite fun.


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

Cleo said:


> It just hurts so bad and naturally I can't let it leave my mind until I feel like I learned and got past doing that with someone.


I know how much it hurts. I recently had an ISFJ break up with me, and they are supposed to cling to dying relationships and I'm the one that is supposed to want to leave as quickly as possible. Then I realized some heartening things, and they are in order for a reason.

1) MBTI is a good guide, but it is just that. A guide. (You don't have to worry about this one, it is included for the sake of completeness)

2) Every person is different. Just because one person is not right for you, or hurt you, or used you (although as stated there is no evidence for this right now), doesn't mean they all will. Don't let this cripple future relationships which right now is the biggest concern. 

3) Think about the good things that went on and how to emulate those in the future. Use it as a learning experience. I read in your posts a lot of "he made me do this and then left me!". I disagree. He wanted something, you gave it to him, as far as I know, you didn't tell him it bothered you that he wanted that stuff, so how is he supposed to know it was wrong? Drop that mentality for now, and we can pick it back up later. 

4) Realize that a failed relationship provides no commentary on you as a person. It is nice to think that you are right for everybody, but it isn't the case. You are the worst person in the world to somebody, and the best person in the world to someone else. In order to have the best chance at finding that person, you have to meet as many people as possible. 

5) Objectively look back at the negatives of the relationship from your end. Stop blaming the other person and look at yourself. You're never going to change the other person, so don't even bother thinking about it. If he made you do uncomfortable things, look at it from the perspective of "I didn't speak up when he asked me to do uncomfortable things. Why didn't I?" and take it from there.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

bigtex1989 said:


> I know how much it hurts. I recently had an ISFJ break up with me, and they are supposed to cling to dying relationships and I'm the one that is supposed to want to leave as quickly as possible. Then I realized some heartening things, and they are in order for a reason.
> 
> 1) MBTI is a good guide, but it is just that. A guide. (You don't have to worry about this one, it is included for the sake of completeness)
> 
> ...


Woah, woah, woah. I never said he made me do anything. I said he pressured me and for his own selfish reasons. You honestly don't think I am constantly going over and over in my head thinking "why didn't I...?" Can we get back to topic here?


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

Cleo said:


> Woah, woah, woah. I never said he made me do anything. I said he pressured me and for his own selfish reasons. You honestly don't think I am constantly going over and over in my head thinking "why didn't I...?"


I apologize for my language then. I thought "pressuring" had the implication of one party not wanting to do something, otherwise they would not need to be pressured.

I'd also be wary of thinking he did it for "his own selfish reasons". Probably not all that healthy to think that. When is anything not selfish?

You should think "why didn't I...?" But only after the first 4 thoughts (the first is moot for you, so I guess 3? XD). They were in the order that I used to feel better the quickest. Dwelling on the "why"'s is quite unhealthy if done before the other 4.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

Whatever type he is, he doesn't sound like he's worth your time.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

bigtex1989 said:


> I apologize for my language then. I thought "pressuring" had the implication of one party not wanting to do something, otherwise they would not need to be pressured.
> 
> I'd also be wary of thinking he did it for "his own selfish reasons". Probably not all that healthy to think that. When is anything not selfish?
> 
> You should think "why didn't I...?" But only after the first 4 thoughts (the first is moot for you, so I guess 3? XD). They were in the order that I used to feel better the quickest. Dwelling on the "why"'s is quite unhealthy if done before the other 4.


Thanks. Well, there is a difference in doing something willingly, pressured or not, and being completely irresponsible in saying he made me do it. I take responsibility for what I did. I say he was selfish, because of the circumstances. I know we are selfish to some extent, but some worst than others. He even admitted to me he was. I have to dwell on it. Distracting myself never helps. It only makes me angry, because the thoughts will briefly flash into my head and I wont be able to handle it, so I have to sort of keep it in there and take it slowly until I am truly past it.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Tawanda said:


> Whatever type he is, he doesn't sound like he's worth your time.


Thank you! =) It feels good to hear an ESTP say that!


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

Cleo said:


> He didn't have to be so pushy. So for that, I am punishing him.


You know, you expended quite a bit of energy in the Type 5 religion thread telling another woman that:


> "I can't stand when women get on a high hoarse and let their power go to their head"


 and


> "God made us to represent his beauty and softness, which is something that we should feel good about and take pride in."


It seems that from your own religious, and indeed personal, beliefs that you should stop trying to "punish" him, because you are not an authority over him. And you should cease to "hate" him, because that is not "beautiful" or "soft", and not God-like anyway. Instead, by your own advice, gracefully bow out of this situation and refocus your energy to something you believe is productive in a theistic matter. 

They may not be my beliefs, but the important thing is that they are yours. And refocusing your energy is definitely something I can agree with.

Further, when you make a personal matter like this private, you invite everyone to give you their two-cents on the matter. I don't believe that you should invite the public world into your private life and then get upset that you didn't like what you were told.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> You know, you expended quite a bit of energy in the Type 5 religion thread telling another woman that: and It seems that from your own religious, and indeed personal, beliefs that you should stop trying to "punish" him, because you are not an authority over him. And you should cease to "hate" him, because that is not "beautiful" or "soft", and not God-like anyway. Instead, by your own advice, gracefully bow out of this situation and refocus your energy to something you believe is productive in a theistic matter.
> 
> They may not be my beliefs, but the important thing is that they are yours. And refocusing your energy is definitely something I can agree with.
> 
> Further, when you make a personal matter like this private, you invite everyone to give you their two-cents on the matter. I don't believe that you should invite the public world into your private life and then get upset that you didn't like what you were told.


Oh really? You are telling me I have to be perfect to complain or be upset by something? Stop looking for trouble and go to hell. Yeah I said it. We are all hypocrits from time to time and I am not in the mood to listen to somebody going through my threads trying to find my flaws. I am on here because I am ticked off right now, so don't expect a sweet response to you trying to add little girl drama.

Furthermore, you are taking one statement I made in context to an entirely different topic and twisting it around into something else. Please let's not start doing that. There really wasn't any need to bring that thread out of left field like that.


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

> Oh really? You are telling me I have to be perfect to complain or be upset by something? Stop looking for trouble and go to hell. Yeah I said it. We are all hypocrits from time to time and I am not in the mood to listen to somebody going through my threads trying to find my flaws. I am on here because I am ticked off right now, so don't expect a sweet response to you trying to add little girl drama.


I'm sorry my post upset you. You are asking for advice. If you were simply venting, I wouldn't feel comfortable giving you advice. 

My point is that by your own standards, you should reel yourself in. To me, that seems very centering. If you don't remember your standards, life becomes an emotional roller coaster and it's very difficult to be happy.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> You are asking for advice. If you were simply venting, I wouldn't feel comfortable giving you advice.
> 
> My point is that by your own standards, you should reel yourself in. To me, that seems very centering. If you don't remember your standards, life becomes an emotional roller coaster and it's very difficult to be happy.


I am very aware of what I did and the consequences, which I have previously admitted to, if you actually read the thread(s), since you are so sincerely concerned. I didn't ask for a psychotherapy session. Yeah, I made a thread about my private life public, but that doesn't mean I appreciate offenses. Should I go through your threads and stir things up?


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

If you find any inconsistencies between my posts, I would appreciate you pointing them out to me on a separate occasion. That said, I did not go through your threads; it happened to be the first thread I read when I registered, and I am certainly not trying to stir things up. 

I feel that reminding you of your own values will do more to pull you into your center than outside advice. Otherwise, it's just somebody else telling you what to do. In this case, it is you telling you what to do, so there should be less resistance. 

I'm sorry you were offended. I'm backing out of this thread now.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> If you find any inconsistencies between my posts, I would appreciate you pointing them out to me on a separate occasion. That said, I did not go through your threads; it happened to be the first thread I read when I registered, and I am certainly not trying to stir things up.
> 
> I feel that reminding you of your own values will do more to pull you into your center than outside advice. Otherwise, it's just somebody else telling you what to do. In this case, it is you telling you what to do, so there should be less resistance.
> 
> I'm sorry you were offended. I'm backing out of this thread now.


You did not remind me of my values, because you twisted my context around and did it without tact. But, you are welcome to remind me, if you know what my values are and do so in a kind manner. I forgive you.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Hey I think the distracting myself thing is working. Now my obstacle is not letting this happen again. And again. And again. But trust me, I will probably change my mind later and come back to this thread whining again. Maybe as early as tomorrow. We will see.


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## La Belle Dame Sans Merci (Jun 20, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> You know, you expended quite a bit of energy in the Type 5 religion thread telling another woman that: and It seems that from your own religious, and indeed personal, beliefs that you should stop trying to "punish" him, because you are not an authority over him. And you should cease to "hate" him, because that is not "beautiful" or "soft", and not God-like anyway. Instead, by your own advice, gracefully bow out of this situation and refocus your energy to something you believe is productive in a theistic matter.
> 
> They may not be my beliefs, but the important thing is that they are yours. And refocusing your energy is definitely something I can agree with.
> 
> Further, when you make a personal matter like this private, you invite everyone to give you their two-cents on the matter. I don't believe that you should invite the public world into your private life and then get upset that you didn't like what you were told.


Amen, dude.


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## La Belle Dame Sans Merci (Jun 20, 2011)

Cleo said:


> You did not remind me of my values, because you twisted my context around and did it without tact. But, you are welcome to remind me, if you know what my values are and do so in a kind manner. I forgive you.


You are youthful and arrogant. 

If your points were argued half as well as the man you critisize I would be more inclined to think well of you. As is, I see plenty of passion, which is good, but its all turned moot by your immaturity.


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## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

La Belle Dame Sans Merci said:


> You are youthful and arrogant.
> 
> If your points were argued half as well as the man you critisize I would be more inclined to think well of you. As is, I see plenty of passion, which is good, but its all turned moot by your immaturity.


I really didn't make the thread so La Belle somebody, whoever the fuck that is, can think well of me. Are you always tacky, bitter, and rude, or are you just in a bad mood? What is *your* excuse?


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## Dylio (Jul 4, 2011)

All i have to say to this is Trololol. I dont think hes going to feel bad for leaving you... haha


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

TreeBob said:


> Absence does make the *hard* grow fonder, but continuous absence hurts like hell.


Freudian slip there? That made me lol so hard. XD


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

Six pages of this? Really?


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