# Social Retardation



## Psichlohomeo

Is there a cure? Particularly for INTJs?


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## NephilimAzrael

No it is terminal, hopefully it won't be as affective in middle age. :laughing:

There is a treatment, it alleviates the harsher symptoms of SR (Social Retardation), it is called alcohol.

[note: this message is farce and should not be taken as advice]


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## snail

:crazy::laughing::tongue:


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## Dr. Metallic

Even though Neph said his message should not be taken as advice, the alcohol part is somewhat true. After I get a couple of drinks in me (especially some delicious hot sake) my ESTJ brother says, "I like you better when you drink." rofl.

It can be a debilitating, degenerative disease if you do not actively fight against it.
The first rule is: Do not be someone who is not yourself i.e. be yourself i.e. do not lie to yourself or others.

I can't offer more advice without putting words in your mouth. But these were some good starting positions for me:

1. Realize your own self worth, and value yourself.
2. Do not let your identity become susceptible to destruction--or influence that goes against your values.
3. Observe others to see the patterns and rituals of social interaction, and use your observations as tools.

It's ok to allow yourself to put you "out there."


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## Psichlohomeo

Strangely, I envision my older self with a flask of Jack Daniels at hand.  

I am not really concerned about appearances, so much as being left out or romantically deprived. It's odd how I care and don't care at the same time.


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## Decon

Hmm, I'd say just work at it. That's what i've done. Now,if I choose to, or need to be, I can be a social person for at least 6 hours or more, alchohol or no. It's the main reason I've had three girlfriends so far. While they have not lasted too long, I've found that a lot of people I talk to, I've had more GF then they have had before my age. Except the players, but that's another story for another time. to me, it's just a skill. You just have to work at it to make it work for you. If that makes sense.


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## Happy

I say smile a lot, initiate conversations if no one is conversing, and once you get to know the person get their number so you will have a network of friends. I find it that the better you know the person you are talking to, the more you will be comfortable with your surroundings, making you more of an extrovert.


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## Duke

Lance said:


> I find it that the better you know the person you are talking to, the more you will be comfortable with your surroundings, making you more of an extrovert.


QFT - Quoted for truth!

You can choose to make your extraversion situational! If you're not comfortable with huge groups of people sitting around in a circle talking and bantering over a couple of drinks, you can always place more emphasis on one-on-one, or three-person conversations which can possibly allow you to be yourself. When you gather enough confidence, or feel comfortable with that level of social interaction and yearn for something more adventurous, then proceed! :tongue:


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## Shai Gar

You cannot be MADE an extrovert. You can however become comfortable with strangers.

Hang out with a few ENTPs, and go out with them when they go to the pub.


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## efromm

depends on my mood and the person with who I am talking too. If they are interesting I will be interested..:laughing:


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## roxtehproxy

I can't say if sr is learnt behavior or an inherited trait. All my life i'v been somewhat on my own, inside a hazy compact universe. Yes. Where is this cure?


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## Rouge

I used to be an INTJ. Then, I learnt how to develop my F side. Now my T and F are pretty balanced. What this means is that I'm still an introvert but my social skills have improved a great deal. As someone said earlier, you can't become an extrovert, but you can extravert in your own way.

Anyway, here's an article that helped me along with my development:

INTJ Personal Growth

What I found particularly useful were:

- Before you begin talking to another person, pause for a moment and look at that person. Take in that person's attitude and feelings at that moment. Be aware of the person with whom you're speaking. 

- Try to identify the personality type of everyone that you encounter frequently in your life. Remember that people with the Sensing preference need to be communicated with in a direct, concise manner. Speak plainly and simply with Sensors, giving "yes" or "no" answers. 

- Try to be on good terms with all people, even those that you consider beneath you. Try to understand that everybody has something to offer. (yes, I used to be such an arrogant bitch)

- When you make judgments or decisions, try to be aware of your motivation for making the judgment. Are you more interested in finding fault externally, or in improving your own understanding? Seek first to understand, and then to judge. 

Hope this helps!


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## PeacePassion

Psichlohomeo said:


> It's odd how I care and don't care at the same time.


haha, exactly.


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## The Proof

yeah it's called getting out there and talking to people


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## red riding hood

Well I may be biased sense I am a self professed INTJ lover and all, but I don’t think they are socially retarded at all, just different. It does seem social anxiety runs in the personality type, but I think that is fueled by your own self-perception that you are going to fail in a social situation. INTJs are great intellectuals and thinkers and are used to be high achievers, but have a hard time understanding social interaction, and we always fear what we don’t understand, but fearing it does not mean you can’t do it. I don’t think you need to over come social retardation as much as a fear of being socially inept. Trust me there are people out there who will love you and find you fascinating just find you niche and grow from there.


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## roxtehproxy

Shai Gar said:


> You cannot be MADE an extrovert. You can however become comfortable with strangers.
> 
> Hang out with a few ENTPs, and go out with them when they go to the pub.


I'm gratified you're banned, it let's others see an idiot before they know an idiot.


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## alice144

> Well I may be biased sense I am a self professed INTJ lover and all, but I don’t think they are socially retarded at all, just different. It does seem social anxiety runs in the personality type, but I think that is fueled by your own self-perception that you are going to fail in a social situation. INTJs are great intellectuals and thinkers and are used to be high achievers, but have a hard time understanding social interaction, and we always fear what we don’t understand, but fearing it does not mean you can’t do it. I don’t think you need to over come social retardation as much as a fear of being socially inept. Trust me there are people out there who will love you and find you fascinating just find you niche and grow from there.


She's right. I don't think it's about your improving own social skills so much as just getting over your social anxiety. You are really fine the way you are. If someone is flagrantly judging and dismissing you, they are an asshole, and you should go talk to someone else.

In my opinion, kindness covers the multitude of sins. You don't have to be mushy or maudlin, but I'm sure you know how to be fair. The hardest thing for me when getting up close and personal to thinking types is when they say something wildly derogatory about something important to me, something that they know nothing about. Of course this is a situation where social skills help, but so does not being arrogant.

I've never been close to an INTJ, so you guys will have to be more specific about your problems.


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