# Body Image and Relationships



## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Hello everyone,

Izabella's threads about what men and women want have, in a way, provided the impetus for the creation of this one. So, many thanks Izabella.

Now, the subject "body image and relationships" is quite broad. I have phrased it in this manner, purposely. The point of this thread is to create a space where men and women can discuss concerns/ideas and share feelings/thoughts/opinions surrounding their body image or body image issues in general, as well as the interaction between body image and inter-personal relationships. This could mean romantic relationship as it's the most obvious, and the discussion may revolve around this. 

I am adding some potential discussion topics to provoke thought:

1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?
2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?
3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? 

I am going to provide a set of guidelines for discussion in this thread *because* this is a very sensitive and, for some, controversial subject. I am creating a space for mature, sensitive and civil discussion where individuals can feel heard, where their feelings are not invalidated and their opinions are not harshly disregarded, irrespective of disagreements. And yes, disagreements are always welcome. I respect the courage that will be shown by people who will come forth and talk about something that can be difficult to discuss. Out of respect for everyone involved, I strongly urge you to refrain from making sizeist remarks and/or any another kind of remark that can be considered a form of prejudice against men/women.

I want to make it very clear that this thread has nothing to do with misandry or laying blame upon the entire male sex for any number of body image concerns among women. Men are most welcome to talk about their body image concerns and how these have affected their relationships. 

Anecdotes are also welcome.


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

I was waiting on this, bu it'll be more fun when I have something to debate.
*
1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

When I was younger I was somewhat concerned with it, but never as much as most. I was kinda chunky, but I've always placed more value on intelligence than anything else, so it wasn't too bad. I realized that a lot of things would be easier if I were considered attractive, but I like a challenge. That stage didn't last very long, eventually I said fuck it and stuck to the people who liked me for me, as cheesy as it sounds.
*
2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

Hm... I saw it when I was very young, especially being black. The mixed kids always got the love the "Oh, you're so cute!" and the attention. It was weird, but I was introverted so it didn't bother me TOO much as I wasn't a fan of being cooed over. Again, these days I don't particularly care. If you're stupid I don't care how attractive you are. Now... one thing I have noticed. I don't really have any friends that can be considered "ugly" I don't think this is intentional, but I'm sure it means something. And of course there has to be some kind of physical attraction in a more intimate relationship.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? *

Hm... get the fuck over it. No, you don't look like Angelina Jolie, what are you gonna do about it? Cry every night? What's that going to do? Either except it or save up and change it, that's all you can do. As far as self-confidence... hm, I've actually helped friends with this. All I can tell them is to stop focusing on the negative aaall the time. Yes, looking at them is best way to improve them, but if every time you look in the mirror and all you can do is pick yourself apart something's wrong and you need to change that if you want happiness. As far as relationships... eh. Be yourself. Someone out there will like it if that's what you're hoping to change for. If not, be the person that makes you happiest.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*
It's affected me, especially during puberty. The changes my body went through made me very aware of what I looked like and what I was supposed to look like and placed more importance on that than what I wanted for myself. I'm fighting off the pressure now, I've learned enough about myself to realize what I was supposed to want isn't really what I want at all and I've got no reason to continue making my appearance conform to standards that don't match my own. It's still hard, I live among people who are very conformist in their beliefs about appearances and they lay on a lot of pressure to look 'normal' and make it clear that anything else is unattractive.


*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*
I don't think I was really body conscious until puberty. Up until then I always thought I was hot shit, clothes were decoration and anything that made me feel nice was acceptable. Then I developed breasts and got a lot of attention for them because they grew fast. I was always torn between being proud of my developing body, as it's my natural inclination to be confident, and being ashamed because of all the sexual harassment they brought me. In middle school the stereotype that large breasted girls were sluts was strongly believed in, sexual promiscuity wasn't uncommon among the student population, and I was constantly on guard because despite being vocal about having no interest in boys/kissing/sex/etc. I was constantly being hit on by older boys and being verbally attacked by girls. This has probably most influenced my attraction to atypical looking people. At the time, they were less of a threat to me than the average person. I still have a hard time seeing typically attractive people as 'good' or 'relatable' people. I know this is irrational and it's an internalized prejudice that I actively try to counter. It's definitely shifted my view of beauty though and opened me up to a lot of relationships I probably wouldn't have had I not gone through this experience. The most beautiful people I've met are neither typically feminine or masculine. I'm dating a transwoman, and while she doesn't have the typical appearance of a cis woman, she is the most gorgeous example of a woman I can find. She has redefined my view of femininity.


*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance?*
I've overcome most of my body image issues by realizing that putting other's ideas of what is attractive above my own is not worth the discomfort it brings. It's hard to pass off being something you're not, even if you look exactly right there will be people who are not satisfied because they can sense it's not _who you really are_. Conforming in appearance only goes so far once people realize you can't conform in spirit and once they catch on to that it doesn't matter what you do, you'll always be "the odd one". Some people will disregard you for taking control of your appearance and doing what makes you comfortable, but the right people, if not most people, will come around and be accepting because you're clearly who you are and confident in your skin. That confidence and comfort with being who you are is extremely attractive, even if your outer appearance isn't conventionally attractive.


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

As an overweight, somewhat boyish female I have had to deal with being stuck in the "friend zone" with most guys I have been interested in. I have also recently come to realize that I don't feel adequate/sexy enough to even pursue a relationship, like it isn't fair to ask a guy to accept how I look because *I* don't accept it. I mean, I don't beat myself up about it, but I don't see myself as being particularly sexy (in body or how I dress), so it's a struggle I'm still dealing with.

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

Ever since maybe 3rd grade I have been aware that I don't look/act like a "normal" heterosexual girl. Teasing can have a huge effect on children. It was difficult going through school, but I learned to laugh at myself and not let others' view of me make my day shitty. Even though I was aware of my body I wasn't overly concerned with finding a mate until I graduated high school. Like Monte I focused most of my attention on learning because that is what I truly love. I have always gravitated to more masculine behavior/fashion etc. It can be quite frustrating because I am larger so my clothing options are quite limited. Then, since I don't like wearing dresses, skirts, makeup, etc. I can't seem to show off my girly self. One of my biggest concerns is that I am not getting the kind of male attention I want because people assume I am a lesbian (because of how I dress and act). I keep thinking that maybe I'll grow out of my tomboyish-ness (I'm 26 and it seems like I'm running out of time) but nothing really changes. I've been focusing on losing weight – for myself, not because society says I should – but that shit takes serious time.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance?*

Though I'm not there yet, I have definitely come to accept my personality and enjoy how I am. I *like* being different. I don't really like hanging out with most females, so it's important to me that I feel that I can distinguish myself from "most women." The key to improving your self-image and relationships is to love yourself before you worry about loving anyone else. It's amazing how much of a difference this makes. When you don't worry about what other people think, and focus on what works for you and what you're all right with, the people who will like you for who you really are will start to emerge. It takes time though... you have to work at it daily! :crazy:


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

I have two small insecurities about my appearance which I could connect to society's standards of beauty, because they are often regarded as unattractive. One would be having thin/small lips and a small breasts. People tend to see both as not very "feminine". I also dislike my broad shoulders, which are great for clothes & accentuate the waist (give a statuesque look), but again, not very feminine. These are not crippling insecurities, but things I might change if I could wave a magic wand.

Also, even though I am very thin and that is supposedly ideal in the pop culture media, in real people world, it is not so ideal, and I've received some negative feedback from both men and women (albeit, most of the women were "catty"); and even when the comments are positive, the fact that people HAVE to comment about my size/weight gets really old. I admit, I am very sensitive to "skinny" comments and the tendency for it to be PC to bash thin women.

I've posted photos here, so anyone who has seen them knows that I am not shockingly thin or bony looking (5'8 size 2). I guess being overweight is such the norm now that being a healthy weight at the low end of the spectrum looks really skinny to some people.... Honestly, unlike most women, looking at models in high fashion magazines makes me feel good. I'm shapelier than they are, but still thin, so its actually encouraging to me. The models aimed at men who are curvier make me feel worse, because they often have unrealistically big boobs for their frames; it seems a much harder standard to meet. 

But, I also really love being naturally thin. I don't use it as an excuse to eat bad or not work out either; I think taking care of your body promotes a healthy relationship with it, as far as body image goes. If I put society's standards aside, when I look in the mirror, I am mostly happy with what I see. Now photos - blech, I hate photos of myself :crazy:

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

I was self-conscious as a child about my face because I had very crooked teeth and I wore these awful, giant Daria glasses. That awkward phase was also way too long (lasted from like age 7-13). I looked better as a teen, and was mostly pleased with my figure or unaware of what was wrong with it. Honestly, I've always primarily wanted a figure for wearing clothes well, not to be sexy. As long as clothes looked good on me, I was pleased; I am still that way, which is why I am mostly happy with my body.

My mom is the kind who thinks you can never be too thin, because she was once thin and now struggles with her weight from age and having kids. So growing up, being thin was a positive. It's mainly comments from men about preferring curvier women & images of the supposed ideal women's bodies in the media that has worn a bit on my body image. 

I don't know how this affects my relationships.....I've been told I am not aware of how attractive I am, but this is the sort of thing I think men say to get in your pants :dry: :laughing:.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance?*

Oh, its so cliche, but work out & eat well. It really makes you feel better about your body. Even if there's no real change in how you look, there is in how you feel. I have more energy, more flexibility, more strength, etc, and all of this somehow transfers over onto how I see my body. 

Also, if you're small busted, search high & low for pretty, flattering bras that DON'T have tons of padding :laughing:. They're hard to find, but when you find one you feel much sexier than wearing two pillows strapped to your chest, or some unflattering bra that's better suited to a 12 year old. 

Another piece of advice; there's always going to be someone out there who possesses the same/similar trait you dislike about yourself who is regarded as hot. Focus on that person/those people, not the people who have what you don't have. Comparing yourself all the time to others is bad, as we tend to do it with those who have what we don't have, but want. Instead of comparing, find someone who you can relate to, whether its a friend, famous person, character, whatever. It's probably the enneagram 4 in me who finds this useful for lessening feelings of "defectiveness". It's like, hey, that person has the same flaws, but it doesn't detract from their attractiveness as a whole person.

And lastly, don't compartmentalize yourself, nitpicking body parts and facial features. Again, focus on your whole self, including what you have to offer beyond your body (ie. the person you are).


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

OrangeAppled said:


> Oh, its so cliche, but work out & eat well. It really makes you feel better about your body. Even if there's no real change in how you look, there is in how you feel. I have more energy, more flexibility, more strength, etc, and all of this somehow transfers over onto how I see my body.
> 
> Another piece of advice; there's always going to be someone out there who possesses the same/similar trait you dislike about yourself who is regarded as hot. Focus on that person/those people, not the people who have what you don't have. Comparing yourself all the time to others is bad, as we tend to do it with those who have what we don't have, but want. Instead of comparing, find someone who you can relate to, whether its a friend, famous person, character, whatever. It's probably the enneagram 4 in me who finds this useful for lessening feelings of "defectiveness". It's like, hey, that person has the same flaws, but it doesn't detract from their attractiveness as a whole person.
> 
> And lastly, don't compartmentalize yourself, nitpicking body parts and facial features. Again, focus on your whole self, including what you have to offer beyond your body (ie. the person you are).


Awesome advice! I've discovered how good I feel when I pay attention to what I eat (no matter if it is deemed unhealthy or not)... it's all about being present with yourself and accepting you for who you are and working with your shortcomings!


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

This is an excellent thread, hazelwitch... thank you so much for starting it. I've spent a lot of time contemplating in the past how my self-esteem and body image effects my romantic relationships, as I have gone through periods of fluctuation in weight. I think it plays a huge role.

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

They have affected me a little bit, but not as much as other factors. Like OrangeAppled mentioned above, I have a few characteristics I'd love to change-- thin lips, less-than-well-endowed, big nose, etc.-- but I have come to accept that only some women can look like supermodels, and I am not one of them. My appearance is something I have come to terms with, and I'm generally happy with how I look at this point.

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

This is the biggest and most relevant question for me. I was very thin until I got to college... but while I was growing up, my mother was very harsh and critical, and this included my appearance. If I put on the slightest bit of weight, she'd point it out, as well as constantly pointing out other flaws I was self-conscious about (the same ones I listed in the above question)-- she'd make fun of me having "no lips" or "no boobs" or a "huge nose". Most of my self-esteem issues stemmed from my mother's constant taunting, rather than any doubts I had about myself that stemmed from my own creation. Looking back at photos of me from that time, I'm shocked at how thin I was, because I never saw myself as skinny or attractive.

It was interesting being in a serious relationship while still in high school, living at home and dealing with that criticism from my mom. It was very difficult for me to believe anyone could find me attractive, and in turn, I always needed a_ lot _ of validation from him, which created many problems. But, in some ways, being in a relationship helped me to heal a little bit, too, because I knew there was no way I could be _completely_ undesirable if someone actually loved me and wanted to be with me, which he did. 

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance?*

Ever since I moved out three years ago, it has been a constant struggle to regain my confidence and self-esteem, especially because I gained weight when I went away to college (and post-break up). I finally decided to take it into my own hands, and I lost 20 pounds this summer. Overall, I am much happier about my appearance, both due to my weight loss and also because of the distance from my mom. It's a lot easier to think highly of yourself when you're not constantly being belittled by someone you can't escape. I've also started going to counseling, which was something I should have done a long time ago. It's very healthy to get these things off your chest. Anyone who has dealt with these kinds of issues, whether or not you have any sort of mental illness, could benefit from talking to a therapist about it. I'm happy to say that, while I still do occasionally doubt myself, I am much more confident in the way I look, and that gives me a happier outlook on life in general.


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## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

vivacissimamente said:


> But, in some ways, being in a relationship helped me to heal a little bit, too, because I knew there was no way I could be _completely_ undesirable if someone actually loved me and wanted to be with me, which he did.


I'm sorry to hear about how your mom treated you. My mom went through the same type of childhood, so when it was her turn to raise me she wasn't directly critical about my appearance, but she constantly commented on what I was eating or wouldn't buy certain things at all, and also on the clothes that I would wear (boyish) so I kinda got a reverse version of this.

I especially understand what you're saying here, which it why I feel so "behind" when it comes to relationships and stuff. And also why I've had issues with my image for so many years. I've never had a guy just ask me out, so deep down I feel like there's something wrong with me. However, this goes against everything else that I know about myself. I am a great friend/companion and am not your average drama-ridden female, and I know I could be a good gf, but something seems to be getting in the way.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story, I know that sharing stuff like this can be difficult. Oh, and good for you for getting into counseling, it's amazing how talking about a situation/feeling with another person can be so helpful!

edit: I am also really digging that Florence & the Machine song you quoted in your signature :laughing:


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

*Just to add my answers*

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

The ideal that "Beauty is on the inside" is one of those lessons I really took to heart growing up. I also had some hygiene issues growing up where I just didn't care about some stuff. I was also pretty detached as a kid growing up so that is a way to avoid the pressure to my mind. For many years I suppressed emotions as I just didn't like as uber-sensitive as I was and mostly still am actually. To be in tears within seconds of thinking about certain topics or to have my voice crack or fade just isn't a pleasant experience most of the time.

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?
* 
When I was 2.5, I fell out of a truck and lost 4 teeth, all the middle upper teeth which made me look quite different and kept me rather thin. Thus, at least as far back as my memory goes I've always had some consciousness of my appearance as when I did my adult teeth I ballooned enough to have to get surgery before taking Physical Education in high school and have remained big the rest of my life. When I was in grade school, I generally just didn't care that much about my physical appearance. My attitude about my hair was how I didn't have to see it, so why should I care? I still have a certain amount of dislike about my physical appearance to this day. I tend to downplay myself that may have some element in this somehow.

I was highly sensitive growing up and would be in tears before a bully finished stating their initial threat. Thus, bullies loved picking on me and I loathed it. Having that sense of being a wuss wasn't really great for building self-confidence. I see this more as self-image than body image but still applicable here in terms of being a perception and relationship issue.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? 
* 
Lines like "This too shall pass" or "Keep at it" just strike me as hollow ones that while I have used these, it isn't what I'd want to tell someone still struggling. I'd rather give a hug or a thumbs up gesture but that's me.

Finding groups where I was embraced as I am has helped quite a bit. My sensitive side is now a part of me that I love. Growing up I wouldn't have have said that even a few years ago even. Just the past couple of years have I gotten into relationships where I can be in tears and not feel self-conscious, wanting to run as far away as possible. Being a sensitive male can be tough at times but I am who I am. While some of these groups are support groups others are just card groups where I've had my flashes of emotion that didn't cause anyone to freak out.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

OrangeAppled said:


> Another piece of advice; there's always going to be someone out there who possesses the same/similar trait you dislike about yourself who is *regarded as* hot.


People used to compare me to certain famous people who were considered attractive, thinking it would be a compliment, but its not. I don't like the message that in order to be have an acceptable look, you have to fit any standard accepted by society. Why does anyone need to look like any socially accepted ideal to be attractive? It just reinforces those standards to buy into them on any level. I can understand wanting to feel better about certain insecurities, but this is probably not the way to go about it, and I certainly wouldn't advise other insecure women to do this. "Well shallow people in society think this girl is nice looking, and I kind of look like her, so I must be nice looking too." - Screw what they think. Theres no one way that people -should- look.


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## Ormazd (Jan 26, 2010)

hazelwitch said:


> 1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?


hum, I often have feelings of inadequacy when it comes to attractiveness. I'm short, and while I consider myself an attractive person I certainly don't compare to those hollywood studs or the guys on packages of underwear.

It can be hard to think of oneself as attractive when hearing women oo-ing and ah-ing over whatever the hunky guy of the week is. :/

The only people I will ever consider "beautiful" are those that I also have an emotional bond with, beauty is simply impossible without that. I find those fake images of women on billboards and magazines to generally be not very attractive at all and at times disgusting (mostly due to the uncanny valley effect I imagine).


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Ormazd said:


> hum, I often have feelings of inadequacy when it comes to attractiveness. I'm short, and while I consider myself an attractive person I certainly don't compare to those hollywood studs or the guys on packages of underwear.
> 
> It can be hard to think of oneself as attractive when hearing women oo-ing and ah-ing over whatever the hunky guy of the week is. :/
> 
> The only people I will ever consider "beautiful" are those that I also have an emotional bond with, beauty is simply impossible without that. I find those fake images of women on billboards and magazines to generally be not very attractive at all and at times disgusting (mostly due to the uncanny valley effect I imagine).


Honestly, have you seen actual men? x3 They're just not usually "pretty." Men are pretty universally hairy, funny-shaped, non-symmetrical and smelly just by nature. I'm not saying this as an insult to men, but it's just how nature created you. The guys that those shallow women are oggling over spend ten times more time on their hair than the GIRLS do! I know the type - every morning they shave, wax, tuck, trim, perfume and even makeup themselves (yes, many of those men on magazines are wearing makeup!) just so they can look as feminine as possible. Now personally, being realistic and all for the 'natural' look, I like to look at the guys who are rugged and a bit funny looking but cute, because I know that if they were to spend half the amount of time as those preppy jocks, they'd look effing fabulous. And I also know that because they *don't* spend much time on their hair, they probably aren't as obsessive and self conscious.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

I want to take a moment to thank everyone for the responses so far. Vivacissimamente, I will address something similar when I post my reply (parental comments in childhood). I also want to let you all know that discussion isn't limited to the questions posed.

_____________________________

*
1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

I have been aware of them, but I made a conscious decision to disregard them at a very early age. I wanted to have an inclusive, respectful, non-discriminatory outlook on beauty and wanted to focus on an individual's personality, heart and mind more than anything else. There are reasons as to why I came to these conclusions very young. By rejecting the importance of appearance, in so far as how I relate to people/feel for them/think of them, is concerned, I was able to ignore the superficiality around me. I was also assisted in this by having the honour of having a Feminist father who always emphasized the importance of independence, intellectual development, emotional intelligence, kindness and courage over appearances. He was also quite critical of these 'standards' and communicated this to me at a very young age. The best way to fight the pressure is to dismiss these standards altogether, and the best way to help those who are affected by these pressures is to actively critique the standards and point out all that is harmful about them. 


*
2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

*a)*
I was made conscious of my appearance from about age three/four. I did not have a problem with my appearance, and I thought I looked beautiful. My mother, in stark contrast to my father, was very focused on my appearance. I was a chubby child, and it irked her to no end. She took it as an insult that her daughter was fat. She was an athlete,with a slender frame, graceful and was considered highly attractive. I remember her telling me how disgusting I looked as far back as age 4. She teased and ridiculed me daily. She would pinch my arms and tell me I was fat and point out children in the park, telling me that's what I 'should' look like. I was beaten up for being fat. I was called every name in the book for being fat and for embarrassing my mother in public because of my fatness. In school, I was teased for being fat, weird, for my uneven teeth and so on. I was told that beauty was all about slimness. I was told I that I would die fat, old and alone, that no one would marry me because I was 'fat'. Essentially, I was told that I was a waste of space with no future because I was chubby. The words "You are fat and ugly" were put on repeat every morning, and I heard them until I went to bed. As I started to grow older, I was enraged at the cruelty. I disagreed with such mistreatment in principle, even though the words didn't have an impact on me. As I started to realize how wrong it was, I started to fight back at about 7/8. I would tell my mother that she was lying, and I knew I was beautiful. Then puberty hit, and I was still fat. *laugh* I was even shamed for the size of my breasts. They were 'too big', too disproportionate with the rest of my body, looked 'vulgar', my butt was too big, and my arms were fat and shapeless, the list is long. These were the sort of attitudes I was exposed to. I dismissed these comments, laughed them of because I thought they were absurd. 

*b)* As far as I am concerned, I will always consider myself beautiful. I was just telling my bf that I look fwd to being a chubby old woman force-feeding people and getting on their nerves. I lost a lot of weight at 16, but it has fluctuated at times. I gained about 25 pounds about three years back because I am an indulgent eater, and I was busy with school, not exercising enough and put on the pounds. Then, one day, I thought to myself that I had indulged enough and needed to balance it out by hitting the gym. Besides, it was affecting my martial arts practice. I lost it, and I have been at a healthy weight since. It goes up and down by 5-10 pounds depending on stress-levels. I am not obsessed with it. When I feel like the pants are getting a bit uncomfy, I change my workout routine. I hit the Bikram Yoga studio and sweat like crazy. I don't get all baffled by gaining a few pounds. It's basically an indication that I need to achieve more balance. 


Yes, they have influenced how I view people today. I don't objectify people. Yes, when I see an aesthetically pleasing physique, I notice it and life moves on. I will never reduce a person's worth to their individual body parts, the width of their waist, the fullness of breasts, the height and so on. As a fellow human, I will treat you with respect and dignity, every part of you, every millimetre of you. I will tell you that you are beautiful because you are, and there is no refuting it. I will not let you deny it. I will never let you look down on your appearance, and I will fight next to you and support you every step of the way until you reach a point where these so-called social fuckin standards mean nothing to you, until we can both laugh at them and take them apart together. Because of my experiences, I am vehemently opposed to fat-shaming and will fight it wherever I see it. I am similarly opposed to bashing thinness. Sizeism will be immediately called out and crushed wherever I see it. 


*Relationships: * When I had my first relationship at 16, I was in the process of losing weight. I loved myself, but I felt that I was living in a largely superficial world and wasn't expecting someone my age group to be open-minded enough to break-free of that mindset. I was also a geeky, driven, bossy, weird teen and had little interest in boys. I mostly intimidated them. Still, this lovely guy came along who touched my heart and didn't care about the weight, and we dated for a few years. I have never had problems with my relationships because of body image related issues. But as Possibri has said, I did feel like being overweight meant that it wasn't the time for dating. I understand that way of thinking. 


*Beyond weight:* Then again, body image isn't just about weight. Let me be honest. I am short, and I have these wide shoulders and wide hips. I have a big butt. I have big breasts that may have started to sag, thank you very much. My body is full of scars, including one that goes right across my back. I even have chicken pox scars on my face. I have a scar from a burn right underneath my collar bone, and it is almost always visible and gets stared at frequently. My body is full of what would be called 'imperfections', but I fuckin LOVE them. I honour them, and I honour the same in others. I am never self-conscious about them. My scarred body, among other things, has made me appreciate other people's scars, the stretch marks, the broken nose that left a bump, the uneven teeth, the list of things people are conscious about is long. I love it all. When I see a scar, I see a story of struggle. I see beauty and strength. 

*
3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? *

*Advice:* Ignore these so-called standards. They are rubbish. Embrace what you perceive as imperfections. Aim for better health for the sake of your physical, mental and emotional well-being not for the sake of pleasing superficial assholes. Love yourself. Stand naked before a mirror, and marvel at your yourself, your smile, the shine in your eyes, the softness of your skin, your rhythmic breathing and more. Remove the words 'flawed, defective, (im)perfect' from your body image dictionary. Perfection is non-existent. Don't harm your body in its pursuit. Just don't. Your body, heart and mind, deserve a heck of a lot better. Love every inch of yourself. This will enhance your confidence levels.

Thin or overweight, get physically active. If you were thinner, it would help you gain strength. If you need to lose weight, set reasonable goals. Keep in mind that it is a lengthy process. Don't lose hope along the way. Celebrate small victories without getting complacent. I have lost 70 pounds when I was 16. I know it's a struggle to stay motivated, but do it for yourself, not for anyone else's approval. 

As for relationships, no matter what your weight or any other body-related consideration may be, honour yourself and make it clear, to your partner, that you take pride in yourself. Never waste a second on a person who does not respect you the way you are *now*. Anyone who makes degrading comments about you should be dropped immediately, and don't forget the tongue-lashing. 

These 'standards' and those who try to shove them down your throat, only have as much power as you allow them to have. You are in control; use it to your advantage.


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## SassyPJs24 (Jan 27, 2010)

These replies are really inspiring. Hazelwitch, wow, you are beautiful and your character shines through in your writing. Amazing.


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## curious0610 (Jun 27, 2010)

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*
- I'll answer this in the next question; the questions kind of overlap.

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

- I grew up in a community where women placed a lot of emphasis on beauty, body weight and potential for marriage. Until recently, all this was background noise for me, since I just focused on my studies and didn't even feel the pressure or need to be pressured. However, I realized that in "the real world", all this stuff actually matters a lot, so I have been extremely conscious of my appearance lately (particularly about beauty, although not so much about body weight), and have been paying a lot of attention to this area.

As for bearing on relationships, I can't really speak to this because I've only been in one relationship, but lately, I tend to be skeptical of others that show interest in me. I guess it's because I've set the standards so high for myself (embodying the societal standards to a certain degree). Thus, when acquaintances approach me (without knowing me that well in person before), I tend to shrug off this interest, despite my friends having pointed out that they were attracted to me in some way. I've always put more emphasis on personality/intelligence (in both myself and potential significant others) anyway. 

Regarding how I view others, I don't view them any differently. I've imposed these standards on myself, but I make friends with everyone and don't really notice things about people's appearances and I am certainly not critical of anything. Regarding how I view myself: too often, I find myself comparing myself to others I meet when it comes to these things lately. I'm not insecure or jealous of these people, but I usually take it as another sign of how I fall short of certain standards. My mother plays a big role in this as well, since I've been trained to always try to "fix" my flaws, even though sometimes they are out of my control, and just part of who I am. 

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? *
- As long as you are _healthy_, that's the best thing. =)
I know this sounds cliche, but when you are physically fit, eating right (or trying to), you are also emotionally and psychologically more fit, and likely to feel better about yourself.


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## wisdom (Dec 31, 2008)

*
1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

I felt some as a little kid and then more in adulthood (my physique became an issue). I never fought the pressure, though for a while I ignored it, which didn't help. Now I also struggle with the aging process.

*
2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

By age 10, from having bad teeth, mostly a bad face, to be honest, and soon after needing glasses. My family was fairly care-free re body image and maybe wasn't critical enough of my flaws (i.e., should have treated more of them). Other kids were unkind. I think that helped me defensively judgmental of how others look. I grew up vaguely thinking I was unattractive and then dwelling on that when I reached adulthood and realized people were quietly treating me badly because of my apppearance. I dramatically improved it thereafter. Still I carry the scars, including shaky confidence and standards that might have sabotaged some budding relationships and keep me from posting pictures that might lead to connections.

*
3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? *

Clearly I haven't done that, so besides moderate self-enhancement to get rid of some justified feelings of looking bad, dunno. Maybe Thomas Cash workbooks and therapy.


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## indy (Oct 16, 2010)

I especially understand what you're saying here, which it why I feel so "behind" when it comes to relationships and stuff. And also why I've had issues with my image for so many years. I've never had a guy just ask me out, so deep down I feel like there's something wrong with me. However, this goes against everything else that I know about myself. I am a great friend/companion and am not your average drama-ridden female, and I know I could be a good gf, but something seems to be getting in the way.

I really identify with this ^ thanks for saying that. Intellectually I know that there is nothing really wrong with me but deep down there is that fear that I just somehow cannot see it. 


1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?

I suppose in a way they have. But I dance a lot (ballet) and I have found that seeing yourself in the mirror for hours a day has a way of making you come to terms with what you look like. Plus the constant exercise helps :happy:. On the other hand I am African-American and was adopted by two white women (another story haha) and have mostly had Caucasian friends. So I have always wished I had blue or green or just not dark brown eyes. Straight or less naturally curly hair, I also have wished I had a less curvy figure. I'm not heavy but its hard to find clothes that fit right because they are either too tight across the chest or too loose around the waist and ofter show too much cleavage, plus pants always gap at the top unless they are REALLY low cut- but that's a problem on its own. 

2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?

I have always known I didn't look like anyone in my family which had a bit of a negative influence. No one I knew said anything about my body or how I looked but I still noticed and it made me kind of sad. I never felt ugly but different. Like maybe there was somewhere else I should have been. I always thought my friends with long silky hair were really pretty and wished mine was more like theirs at the same time they said they wanted "springy" hair like mine. I have tried to come to terms with it today and it doesn't have as large of an influence but- I'm not quite there yet. I don't think it has a bearing on my relationships but if I look at my close friends they are all really pretty to me at least and none of them are really overweight. I hope I don't have a bias but it is a big coincidence if I don't so...

3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? 

I still have work to do but I would recommend finding something that makes you feel beautiful whether it be dancing or singing or running or cooking or writing or any other thing. Find something that you are good at and that your body lets you do and do that. Also find friends that make you feel good about yourself. Even if that means finding people that you didn't hang out with before find others. If people are malicious to you they probably aren't your friends anyway, and you deserve better than that. And no matter what you look like or who you are there is someone somewhere that will appreciate that and all you have to do is find them.:happy:


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

> *1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*
> 
> *2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*


I'll answer 1, and 2 together because they are intertwined:

My parents didn't understand me, and they would pick at my appearance, rather than know me and engage me in matters of my thoughts. No matter how thin, beautiful, and perfect, there was always room for improvement, in their eyes. I became obsessed with it, because it was such a focal point. I was anorexic for a long time, and I even reached a point where I was so thin that even my thin-obsessed mother was afraid - yet she could still pick at parts of my body to tell me they needed to be toned up. She would point out "flaws" that I couldn't even see. It was like she put these terrible lenses over my eyes at some point that distorted how I viewed myself. She would also suggest I put on makeup if I had only a few blemishes (and who doesn't, as a teen). Yet everyone else would say things such as "you're pretty enough to be a model.." Nothing could ever be "good enough" though. My father certainly didn't help. He was extremely shallow, and would tell my mom she was fat, and check out other women. I thought it was how normal men are for the longest time. I swore I would just stay single for the rest of my life back then, because I would never subject myself to that sort of disgusting thing. He crushed her pride.

Objectively, I knew there wasn't anything wrong with my appearance, yet it was drilled into my head that *"perfection" (perceived) is impossible, but something you should always strive to attain*. It's painful to keep questioning something, when you already know the answer. It causes something in the mind to split. So, when anyone after them would do this to me, I would fly into a fit of rage, because I felt that they were trying to use the anxiety to control me.. that, or they were just shallow fucks who were -wrong-. On the other hand, I would obsess over how to 'fix' it. I felt like I was fighting against myself. How can you feel detached from the flesh bag that you inhabit? I felt trapped and branded, but at the same time, I knew objectively that I had no reason to dislike anything about my appearance.

I will also add that this entire issue was compounded with my preexisting resentment towards my mortality. I don't think that it would have affected me as deeply if not for that. When I was very young, the one thing I wanted above all else was simply to understand, for the sake of understanding in itself. When I realized that I was never going to be able to, because of how short the human life-span is, I began to crave immortality, and resent the frailties of the human body. When I discovered how people celebrated the human appearance above all else, I felt doubly cheated. Here you are going to give me -this- mind, yet stick me in a fucking monkey costume -and- have everyone ignore the one thing that -does- matter to me, and judge me based on something that's disgusting to me in the first place?



> *3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? *


At some point, I realized that it was not important, and I began to deeply resent them for making me waste my focus on something that doesn't matter, and for making me feel anxious as I was constantly being judged by my appearance - but never engaged by them in any meaningful way. My solution was to not engage shallow people. If someone only likes me for my appearance, I'm simply not interested. If someone wants to nitpick my appearance, then I will write them off quickly. I realized that some men will mostly do this _not_ because theres something actually "_wrong_" with your appearance, but because they want to break you down. If you seem confident, and a lot of people think you are attractive, they will often feel threatened, and want to bring you down a few notches. I won't typically waste my time trying to educate them - but rather walk away from it. There are no -real- beauty standards anyway, but only what the time period and the culture hold as ideal. Realizing that is the first step, I think. 

Anyway, I have had it pretty hard too even though I haven't been "fat," or "ugly" - or whatever. Being considered attractive doesn't make it easy on someone. Like I was saying, many men will try to hurt yourself esteem because they think you must have a big ol' bloated ego. I have had them admit that they thought they had to lower my self-esteem in order to hold onto me, because if I knew I was any better, I would have left them for someone better. I didn't have some massive ego about my appearance though. Though most people put me on a pedestal - I felt like a freak.. in part for being stared at all the time, and in part for having my parents just push, and push, because I was perhaps so close to some completely fucked up ideal that it would "be such a waste to not go all out and fit the standard." These days, I barely ever wear makeup or anything high-maintenance. I care about my appearance in-so-far as I am a healthy person, but I don't feel an obligation to take part in some global beauty pageant with a bunch of superficial self-appointed judges who don't know shit anyway. Its some huge delusion and once you see it for what it is, its hard to participate without feeling ridiculous.


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## wisdom (Dec 31, 2008)

3. I have an idea for healing, based on a side career I'm newly thinking would be cool to try. Exhibitionism. Seriously. I think some body image therapy involves taking flattering nekked pictures to make the subject like his or her body more. Probably just getting anonymous positive feedback on body shots could help a person (assuming the body objectively is nice-looking but the subject is self-critical like me). I believe that's why so many individuals upload such photos. Also, the mere act of wearing more fitted clothing has slightly improved my body image.


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## BlissfulDreams (Dec 25, 2009)

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*

Unfortunately, I have not been able to disregard societal standards of beauty. I often feel like my skin has too many blemishes, that my lips are too thin, and that I am too skinny. Like others, when I see pictures of curvier women, I feel inferior and less womanly. Though, I realize that that in itself is a lie.

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*

a) I was first conscious of my appearance at around age 9. I remember having to draw self-portraits and having to look at my face in detail, which was something I had never done before. I became very critical and just saw what I thought was wrong with my face and I got so upset that I had to leave. Since that time, I became very critical of myself, especially in photos. I couldn't stand to look at myself, for the longest time and developed a phobia toward cameras.

b) I was exposed to my parents' attitudes towards beauty and those expressed by the media. I vaguely remember telling my mom that I thought she was pretty and her shrugging it off and telling me that I was silly because she didn't look like a model or celebrity. It was as if that was the standard that everyone had to be compared to. And for as long as I can remember, my mom has been very critical of others' appearances. Whether someone looks dorky, homely, or eccentric, she _has_ to comment on it. Her harsh comments made me paranoid that others were thinking similar thoughts about me.

c) I can't answer the relationship question since I have never been in a relationship. I don't think I am emotionally healthy enough to be in one, nor do I feel like it's the right time in my life to be searching for someone. I feel like I have a lot of growing and self-discovery I need to do before I'll be ready.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance?*

For the longest time, I really hated my nose. I thought it was too big and bulbous, and I was made fun of for it. But during this time, I was still growing and my face was maturing. It doesn't look as out of place now as it did when I was younger. I'm glad that I didn't do anything to my nose. I can't imagine myself with a different one. It suits me. 

So, if you're still growing and feel self-conscious about a facial feature or body part, realize that you're still maturing and will grow into yourself. You do not need to modify yourself in order to fit someone else's standards of beauty.

Also, try to change your way of seeing yourself. Try to find beauty in what society perceives as faults. Instead of seeing my nose as too big or bulbous, I have come to see it as a visual reminder of who I am and where I came from. I have the same nose as my mother, grandmother, and great-grandfather, so it illustrates my family lineage and history. It shows that I am a part of them. I think there is something beautiful about that.


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## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?
*
I've been fat all my life. I'm 42, so I was a fat kid back in the 70's and 80's before the "epidemic" and all the current hysteria. Add to that my unusual type -- female INTJ -- and it should be pretty obvious why I've always been acutely aware that I'm not "normal."

The short version of how it affected me is: it completely destroyed any attempts at developing a sense of self-worth. I didn't have any grounds to believe societal pressure even could be fought, until recently.

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?
*
I always have been. When I was a kid, there were no fat-positive terms like "BBW" or ideas like "HAES" -- you were just some weakling stuffing her face constantly, and the best you could hope for was to be the comic relief. Mostly you were ignored or goaded into humiliating yourself during PE. 

Bearing on my relationships? What do you think? I learned fast not to trust people who tried to approach me gently (it was obviously a ruse). I accepted rejection without batting an eye. Being invisible was safest. And I got to be good at it.

Nobody can have good relationships with an attitude like that.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance?
*
First, ditch all the bullshit about "loving yourself". You need to *forgive* yourself and be willing to work with what you've got. You need to *prove* to yourself that your body is capable of being healthy and you need to be *patient* in giving it time to do that. Trust is earned. You need to trust yourself, so earn it. 

Be as healthy as you can. Never mind all the charts and yardsticks and blahblahblah -- be as healthy as you can, and your body will sort itself out in its own time. 

The inner peace that comes from trusting yourself, from the surety that you're treating yourself as right as you can, tends to be obvious to everyone around you. It manifests as confidence through your personality and your body language -- walking tall, unafraid, looking people in the eye. This has a huge impact on every relationship, from a quick hello to a bus driver to meeting somebody new for drinks at a bar. 

I've barely scratched the surface of this, lol, but I didn't want to get all dark and heavy...


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## Superfluous (Jan 28, 2014)

isingthebodyelectric said:


> @Superfluous, I'd love to be you, just saying.:tongue: Interesting thread with just as interesting members. Lovely to read your experiences.


I know it may have striked a nerve with people, like when a skinny girl expressed that her lack of ability to gain weight pisses pretty much any and every girl off.. My body is somethingnI feel ashamed of.. Im insecre of it because Im not taken seriously and to some people, all they want from me is to be a bimbo. It not a girl that has pride, and feminist values, wants to deal with.


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## Wunderlust (Jan 30, 2014)

*1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*
I know I am attractive, and people would think this would make oneself a confident individual, but really it has had quite the opposite affect on me. I pretend I don't notice men totally objectifying me (pointing, whistling and such) because I want to be seen as my own unique person and don't want to get involved with people who just want in my pants. Unfortunately me pretending, has made me quite unapproachable because I'll avoid eye contact with anyone like this and over the years it's started to take it's toll and I believe the reaction that I am used to from many people has made me more anti social than I used to be, say when I was 14.

*2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*
I used to be a ballerina until I got an injury. I stopped ballet when I was about 14 1/2, so I was well into puberty and I had only ever know myself to be the tall skinny nearly boobless girl, which everyone in the ballet world considered beautiful. I still think ballet bodies are beautifully elegant, but when I stopped ballet and gained boobs and curves I did not realize that there were so many different forms of beauty. This opened my eyes. I was uncomfortable with not being stick thin, but then I realized that all of my gorgeous friends had differing bodies and faces and I never thought they were ugly. I am now about 5'5' 123 pounds (about 25 pounds heavier than I was when I quite ballet) and am really happy with my body.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? *
Live healthy, but accept your natural body type. I've learnt that everyone is attracted to different types of people, for instance I'm attracted to guys who are a little bit roughed up and lanky while a friend of mine is attracted to those preppy always perfectly clean guys with a little bit o meat on them. Everyone's different! Be an individual and don't conform to the silly land of media lala where probably not even 1% of the population can even somewhat pull of the look of a photo-shopped Victoria's secret model.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Wellsy said:


> Bump. Think this could be a thread interesting to read and contribute to for newer members.


I agree 
*
1. Societal standards of beauty and their influence in our lives, how we view ourselves and others. How have these affected you? If not, how have you fought the pressure, if you have felt any?*
I'm not sure how deeply I've been impacted by it because though I feel some pressure to have a more masculien look through muscle tone it's no so pressuring as to feel entirely compelled to work out for aesthetic reasons, i'm more interested in my overall health more recently as I feel I neglect it.
If there's any pressure or insecurity i've had it has been in regards to my teeth/smile as they're less than perfect but I'm kind of over that for the most part.
*
2. How far back in your life do you remember being conscious of your appearance? What sort of attitudes relating to body image were you exposed to, in early life? Have these influenced your self-perception and how you view others, today? Does this have any bearing on your relationships?*
I'd say even now I'm really shit at being image conscious, I have a serious disrespect for it that's childish XD
I comprehend the implications of first impressions and looking good but struggle to care so much as to have made a serious effort in caring significantly about my appearance which is an issue. But I think this is more in regards to fashion since I dress for comfort and have a poor grasp on what's appropriate attire at times.
In early life I think the only exposure I got was that muscle defined men were an attractive ideal which still exists today but thinking back I can't really remember any significant experiences that impacted my self concept physically. Though I suppose I found interesting how perceptive others were of my own body, like from grade 6 people started to take note that I have rather large feet while being a relatively shorter man or that my calves were large and define for no apparent reason XD
I considered this rather odd for people to notice about me, I suppose it put me into mind what other people were thinking about as I seem kind of out of the loop.

*3. If you have overcome challenges relating to your body image, what sort of advice would you share with those who are struggling? What would you tell them about improving their self-confidence and its impact on their relationships, for instance? *
The simple straight forward answer is to accept, acceptance of the good and the bad, the whole that is you, can't accept yourself you'l forever suffer for it. Focus on the people that you can establish a mutual want of, not those who feel okay to voice their unwarranted unsolicited opinions of why they don't like something about you.


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