# Why is it often considered weakness to show emotion?



## Another Lost Cause (Oct 6, 2015)

I've always been a bit perplexed why showing emotions, especially sad-type emotions where one might shed a tear or two, is often considered to be a sign of weakness and worthy of condemnation. What's even more perplexing, is why there seems to be a high number of feeling types who are particularly apt to condemn such emotional expression as weakness. Why is showing emotion a sign of weakness?

My theory is that maybe people consider the strong showing of emotions to be evidence that the person is unable to adapt to a situation somehow, or maybe has lost the ability to react in some appropriate way. Perhaps feeling types expect themselves and others to have a command of emotion and scoff when others show a lack of such command? I don't know, I've always been interested in this perplexing bit of human psychology.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Because it burdens others socially. People like people to contribute, rather than take.


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## Gilly (Apr 22, 2012)

I personally hate showing when I'm upset or sad because it makes me vulnerable. People would see what triggered it. 
That makes me even weaker than just having the emotions because I lose control. You show those feelings. No one gives any fucks, then what? You likely feel worse. 

Others showing their sadness don't bother me. But I will not always act. Some I will try to comfort. I will always ask what is wrong, even a stranger. But if someone dies for example. What can I do for you? I'll offer sitting there, but nothing anyone says can or should make you feel better. 

If the person just cries over anything, it can be awkward because how do you act. Can you laugh? If someone is always looking for encouragement but doesn't really change or make progress it becomes an area for resentment and a drain. 

There is no rule book for negative emotions. People are too varied in their needs and demands.


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## komm (Mar 1, 2015)

Emotions are exploitable.
When you show emotions you show me some flaws that I can exploit.
I, as an egoistic being I can use this in my favor/for my own interest.
I'm not saying it's wrong to show your emotions.
I say it's a vulnerability to show your emotions in the wrong place/to wrong people.

And also one thing about emotions: Most people exaggerate them.


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

Wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you appear vulnerable.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Agni of Wands said:


> Because it burdens others socially. People like people to contribute, rather than take.


Can you elaborate on this a bit more? I don't really understand it. Are you saying that if a person broke down crying in a situation that this burdens other people because.... embarrassment? A display of weakness? They have to extend empathy or sympathy because of some social code that doesn't really exist so it doesn't matter but they've licenced themselves out to it as true? They care about the person because of a relationship with them?

It's true we react internally to external events but it's not a one way system, the reactions go the other way too, kinda like an echo or constant feedback.

I would say a lot of people define it by context. I think it also depends on the people in that context. If a person is unimaginative and/or unempathetic then they won't understand the emotion or rather get an approximation of understanding of what the person could be feeling.

So they possibly put it down to being inappropriate. Maybe it's threatening, showing a lack of control or more accurately that we cannot escape the grasp of our emotions and even the most in control and reasonable people are really just a thin veil of concentrated rationalisations in slavery to the unconscious.


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

It shows vulnerability. 

But you know what? Showing vulnerability is a show of strength. 
Because if you dare to show your feelings, be vulnerable, that means that you have the strength needed to be able to afford that vulnerability.

It kinda follows this principle https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handicap_principle

This, of course, assumes that you don't just cry about anything and everything.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

It is not just considered a weakness, it is a weakness. If you reveal your emotions you are showing your hand, allowing would be opponents to capitalize on that knowledge. So it does not matter that showing emotions is simultaneously strong. It is factually a weakness as well. So ...


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Worriedfunction said:


> Can you elaborate on this a bit more? I don't really understand it. Are you saying that if a person broke down crying in a situation that this burdens other people because.... embarrassment? A display of weakness? They have to extend empathy or sympathy because of some social code that doesn't really exist so it doesn't matter but they've licenced themselves out to it as true? They care about the person because of a relationship with them?


It is like seeing someone beg for spare change. You feel lesser than you did five seconds ago because you got put in an annoying situation where you either had to help someone out or feel like a douche for not doing so.

Socially, making people laugh and not asking the hard questions and allowing everyone to feel as though they are thebomb.com is value and desired. Making people question themselves or worry or have to make sacrifices is not.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Agni of Wands said:


> It is like seeing someone beg for spare change. You feel lesser than you did five seconds ago because you got put in an annoying situation where you either had to help someone out or feel like a douche for not doing so.
> 
> Socially, making people laugh and not asking the hard questions and allowing everyone to feel as though they are thebomb.com is value and desired. Making people question themselves or worry or have to make sacrifices is not.


I'm not seeing where the tangible requirement is. No one makes you attempt to help or ignore and if there is a social fallout because of a belief in social rules....well that's what you have to deal with if you want to challenge that.

I don't think seeing someone begging for spare change is an apt analogy. People who show emotion are not materialistically suffering unless we get into the cause for their show of emotion.

This sounds more like you are individually annoyed that you have emotions that react to other people's emotions in which case: Welcome to humanity.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I think it depends on the what. 

Alot of emotions are very valid. I think IRL it is about on some level properly trying your best tho to make sure your not displaying them erratic. Its not that emotions are bad. Misplaced emotions are what I personally see as negative. 

I mean everyone has their day periodically where they can be caught feeling or seen being emotional. I think thats human. When a person is known just to constantly emote everything constant where it is disruptive to the harmony of other peoples lives I think it can be seen as negative. 

Anyways thats just my thoughts.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Worriedfunction said:


> Stuff.


Don't ask me questions if you are going to come up with your answer to what I say before I even reply. lol


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Human(s) --> (re: self aware high-functioning primate sub-systems); are ''weak'' as a default; thus emotion(s) --> frame ''non-emotional'' states; innately, thus ''erractic emotional expression'' --> vulnerability --> lack of control, et al. 

Emotions; _respectfully_, swallow the logical physique! Thus, domesticizing the _untamed_ --> (*Strength*)!

_(A) Chaos ---> Order

(B) Emotions --> Logic_

___________________________

Now, Imagine a world - where emotions did not run rampant - _Utopic_ or _Catastrophic_ | Weak or Strong? ◔‿◔


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Agni of Wands said:


> Don't ask me questions if you are going to come up with your answer to what I say before I even reply. lol


I don't know what you mean. I asked you to elaborate and gave some interpretations (hence why that in that post I use lots of question marks and uncertain framing words like 'maybe' & 'possibly') then you replied and I replied to that reply (ie: your elaboration) and then you said this.

In what way is that me.."come up with your answer to what I say before I even reply". I replied *after* your reply.

Was it the speed of the reply?


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## peter pettishrooms (Apr 20, 2015)

I grew up in a multicultural household and I can see that it varies from culture to culture. Generally, my American side is more accepting when it comes to expressing sadness and depression isn't as highly stigmatized. I remember when I was younger during the few times I've cried, I got the impression that my father would get angry at me for that. I've never seen my father cry and to him, crying is an irrational response to when things don't go as you had hoped. That you can't handle reality.


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## flummoxed (Jun 29, 2015)

Just going to parrot what most people said here about emotions being a real weakness and not just a perceived one. I think the quote below is a good way of thinking about it. Whether they realize it or not humans contain (at least) two competing personalities. The rational one which is our true conscious self and the emotional one which is our animal instincts. The more our emotional self pulls on our strings the less control we really have over our lives. We are not free to dictate the direction of our lives so long as another force exists which can pull us this way and that at a whim.

“I hover over myself
Watching.
Mind and body separated,
Each in control
As though there are two puppeteers
Working the strings of my marionette self.”

― Stasia Ward Kehoe, Audition


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## Clyme (Jul 17, 2014)

Another Lost Cause said:


> I've always been a bit perplexed why showing emotions, especially sad-type emotions where one might shed a tear or two, is often considered to be a sign of weakness and worthy of condemnation. What's even more perplexing, is why there seems to be a high number of feeling types who are particularly apt to condemn such emotional expression as weakness. Why is showing emotion a sign of weakness?
> 
> My theory is that maybe people consider the strong showing of emotions to be evidence that the person is unable to adapt to a situation somehow, or maybe has lost the ability to react in some appropriate way. Perhaps feeling types expect themselves and others to have a command of emotion and scoff when others show a lack of such command? I don't know, I've always been interested in this perplexing bit of human psychology.


I don't know if this is correct at all, but I have a theory as well. I don't think people actually think so deeply about the inability to adapt or any of that. I think it's socialization and social conditioning above all else, but why is that value there? We live in legal-rational societies. The Enlightenment brought us the idea that reason was to be valued most strongly and that it was reason that aided us. Somewhere along the way, this was contrasted with emotion. I'm sure you're aware of the common spectrum where people believe that emotion is the antithesis of reason. As our societies were constructed and defined according to the ideas of the Enlightenment and the French or American Revolution (depending on where you are), so too were the values of science and reason embedded in us. It's reflected in our institutions everywhere. Unfortunately, emotion was incorrectly thrown in as reason's antithesis and viewed poorly as such. Anyway, I don't know if I'm correct, but I think that's the social basis of this in Western societies.


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## Jehneefur (Jun 18, 2013)

I think logic/reason go hand in hand with emotion. If something you care about is destroyed and/or killed or flourishes and becomes great- you naturally come to an emotional response. Success and failure- they have feelings tied to them.

For me, showing my feelings shows my authenticity/honesty. I am not here to mess around and pretend. I take life seriously, I have value- my time has value. From my own personal experience, I was on the brink of suicide- I could not help but be honest about these dark feelings and it revealed who was strong and who was weak around me. My expression of emotions revealed those who met and addressed these feelings and those who would avoid or take advantage of them. For some reason, the majority of guys thought I needed sex to make me happy- that's just my guess because they did everything they could to use the situation to get me in bed. But the problem was not about sex- it was about existence and purpose. Now that I have addressed the source of my depression & suicidal thoughts, I can help those who have those problems. My weakness has made me strong.

It's good to be upfront and honest- it's weak to hide or wallow in denial and not deal with problems.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

It depends on the motive behind it.

If you are doing it because you are a big wuss, people will grind your up like colon sausage.

If you do it to feint weakness in order to embolden opponents, so you can kick their legs out from under them, well that is something else all together.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

the phrase "don't let'em see you sweat" comes to mind. showing grief is not a weakness, but showing you are upset due to caring about the opinions of others is (more specifically, being upset at all is a weakness. showing such weakness is a further weakness because it gives people ammunition to hurt you or pressure you into doing things).


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

cybersloth81 said:


> Cheers, I havnt had an infraction for a while.


lawl.


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