# Leaving your sperm in her vs. not....does it make a difference in how you feel?



## Intricate Mystic (Apr 3, 2010)

I've gotten the impression in the past that it makes a difference to heterosexual men psychologically if they ejaculate in their partner's vagina vs. wear a condom and leave no sperm behind. It seems that the former engenders some sort of emotional/psychological attachment that the latter doesn't. I'm wondering if this is true of men in general, or just the ones I've been in relationships with?


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

I just can't get over the title "Leaving your sperm in her". It reminds me of a sandwich, "I'm going to put my sperm in here but I'll come back for it later".


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

From a personal perspective, in terms of emotional attachment, I'm going to say no. However, if you've been with men who are used to using a condom in all but serious, long-term relationships, it might have conditioned them to see it as a sign of deeper commitment, trust, etc.


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## Ephemerald (Aug 27, 2011)

Sperm are sperm. They're meant to be in sexual reproductive organs. No opinion.

I'm more concerned about pregnancy and STD's.


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

BBC NEWS | Health | Semen 'makes women happy'
Semen acts as an anti-depressant - 26 June 2002 - New Scientist

these might interest you.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Kayness said:


> BBC NEWS | Health | Semen 'makes women happy'
> Semen acts as an anti-depressant - 26 June 2002 - New Scientist
> 
> these might interest you.


I've actually heard about this study. I don't know if it's the sperm or the fact that I got laid that makes me happy.


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## lambo (Sep 17, 2011)

I think it makes a difference for me. but the theory about the conditioning based on the nature of condom vs no condom relations makes sense too....but I still think there's something to the fact that coming inside the partner leaves more of an attached feeling. but I've never thought of it before!


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I've actually heard about this study. I don't know if it's the sperm or the fact that I got laid that makes me happy.


Pretty sure it's the latter.If an army of sperm just randomly appeared in your vagina without the sexual act happening before that, I can't imagine feeling too glorious about it.

I am a bit biased on the subject, o'course.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Kr3m1in said:


> Pretty sure it's the latter.If an army of sperm just randomly appeared in your vagina without the sexual act happening before that, I can't imagine feeling too glorious about it.
> 
> I am a bit biased on the subject, o'course.


Damn. So you mean that a visit to the sperm bank and a turkey baster isn't going to work? 




Intricate Mystic said:


> I've gotten the impression in the past that it makes a difference to heterosexual men psychologically if they ejaculate in their partner's vagina vs. wear a condom and leave no sperm behind. It seems that the former engenders some sort of emotional/psychological attachment that the latter doesn't. I'm wondering if this is true of men in general, or just the ones I've been in relationships with?


Some men are hung up on sperm. 
Sperm makes them feel like men. 
They get hung up on the volume they produce, how it looks (watery vs creamy) etc.
They want to see it, mark their territory with it, use it to demonstrate their dominance (by ejaculating on you).

But I suppose if you're at the stage of a relationship, that you don't use condoms and don't have to 'pull out' then it just cements the trust and emotional investment that's already there.


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

twoofthree said:


> Damn. So you mean that a visit to the sperm bank and a turkey baster isn't going to work?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Literally.

Hur hur.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

Intricate Mystic said:


> I've gotten the impression in the past that it makes a difference to heterosexual men psychologically if they ejaculate in their partner's vagina vs. wear a condom and leave no sperm behind. It seems that the former engenders some sort of emotional/psychological attachment that the latter doesn't. I'm wondering if this is true of men in general, or just the ones I've been in relationships with?


I have personally felt closer to women I've had sex with without using a condom.



Kayness said:


> BBC NEWS | Health | Semen 'makes women happy'
> Semen acts as an anti-depressant - 26 June 2002 - New Scientist
> 
> these might interest you.


I don't buy it. I've read through both of these synopses of the studies and I see things like "they say they've ruled out other causes," yet there's no mention of the emotional connection achieved through skin-to-skin contact alone. There's something very powerful about feeling a partner directly that way. There's no mention of oxytocin/vasopressin bonding or any of that, or the numbing effect of condoms.



> But why should semen have such an effect? "It makes no sense to me for this phenomenon to have evolved," says Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania. But Gallup counters that men whose semen promotes long-term mood enhancement might have more chances to indulge in sexual activity.


Of course it hasn't evolved. The way I see it, sex is good for survival of any sexually reproducing species. It feels good. These women are happy because they're getting sex the way it's supposed to be, not with some artificial barrier there cutting out the tactile experience. Heat and the moisture make a huge difference in my happiness, it's no surprise to me that is helps hers.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

twoofthree said:


> They get hung up on the volume they produce, how it looks (watery vs creamy) etc.


I'm concerned about these things because it dramatically impacts the taste. I also pay attention to my diet when I'm in a relationship. okerface:



> But I suppose if you're at the stage of a relationship, that you don't use condoms and don't have to 'pull out' then it just cements the trust and emotional investment that's already there.


I agree with this. It makes a big difference when someone isn't suddenly concerned about "escaping" during the experience.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Stephen said:


> I'm concerned about these things because it dramatically impacts the taste. I also pay attention to my diet when I'm in a relationship. okerface:


Are your taste buds that discerning?


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

twoofthree said:


> Are your taste buds that discerning?


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## Celtic Dreams (Sep 7, 2011)

I don't know if it's the hormones or what, but I swear the "smell of sex" or semen plus whatever I have down there myself *blushing* gives me an afterglow. It definitely feels better after he comes than before. And I feel better all day. It's not that I'm really thrilled to risk pregnancy or take yet another shower, there is just something about it.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Kayness said:


> BBC NEWS | Health | Semen 'makes women happy'
> Semen acts as an anti-depressant - 26 June 2002 - New Scientist
> 
> these might interest you.


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## Intricate Mystic (Apr 3, 2010)

lambo said:


> I think it makes a difference for me. but the theory about the conditioning based on the nature of condom vs no condom relations makes sense too....*but I still think there's something to the fact that coming inside the partner leaves more of an attached feeling*. but I've never thought of it before!


Yes. Can you break this down a bit into what aspects of it make you feel more attached? 

BTW, I don't want to put pressure on you but I've noticed that NF guys are particularly good at explaining the male perspective on sex to women.


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## lambo (Sep 17, 2011)

wow, this gets REALLY personal but you're right, NFs can go there. I could probably write tons on this and I will if you message me personally and allow me to just share this with you. but for now, I can tell you that the last person I was with was a very special person to me (previously this year I've had over a dozen casual flings). so, we spent some nights together and had lots of intimate contact. dare I say I broke some personal records. after many encounters, it gets more difficult to ejaculate, but I remember being on the edge of deciding weather to continue and the thought crossed my mind that we were "barebacking" it and the thought of coming inside her is what caused me to go over the edge and have yet another orgasm. ...I think I love this one;-)



Intricate Mystic said:


> Yes. Can you break this down a bit into what aspects of it make you feel more attached?
> 
> BTW, I don't want to put pressure on you but I've noticed that NF guys are particularly good at explaining the male perspective on sex to women.


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

Kayness said:


> BBC NEWS | Health | Semen 'makes women happy'
> Semen acts as an anti-depressant - 26 June 2002 - New Scientist
> 
> these might interest you.





Fizz said:


> I've actually heard about this study. I don't know if it's the sperm or the fact that I got laid that makes me happy.





Kr3m1in said:


> Pretty sure it's the latter.If an army of sperm just randomly appeared in your vagina without the sexual act happening before that, I can't imagine feeling too glorious about it.





Stephen said:


> I don't buy it. I've read through both of these synopses of the studies and I see things like "they say they've ruled out other causes," yet there's no mention of the emotional connection achieved through skin-to-skin contact alone.


SpringerLink - Archives of Sexual Behavior, Volume 31, Number 3

Notice that this study compares women who have unprotected sex to protected. Meaning "skin-to-skin" contact is present in both encounters (besides the small amount that's covered in latex). Note also that women who have unprotected sex are likely to experience more depression, as they obviously make less healthy, productive decisions. Keeping this in mind, it must be large effect. 

I was telling a recent friend about this study, and she completely thought it was loaded. Months later, she took that back, telling me her mood was significantly better when she swallowed and went to work than when she didn't.

Funny topic. If I'm finishing internally, I'll prefer a condom to worrying about pregnancy. Anything else, it's definitely psychologically better to leave it in. I'm sure it's an evolutionary thing. What's enjoyable is enjoyable.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> Note also that women who have unprotected sex are likely to experience more depression, as they obviously make less healthy, productive decisions.


I think you misread the study. The abstract says:

"*For females who did not use condoms, depression scores went up as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased.* These data are consistent with the possibility that *semen may antagonize depressive symptoms* and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration."


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

I would point out as part of this discussion that, if there's a difference at all, the better sensation of skin versus latex may contribute to more pleasure and seratonin and melatonin release, both of which are anti-depressant hormones. I don't know that these studies control for that.


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

redmanINTP said:


> I think you misread the study. The abstract says:
> 
> "*For females who did not use condoms, depression scores went up as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased.* These data are consistent with the possibility that *semen may antagonize depressive symptoms* and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration."


I actually read the abstract a few times over when I saw that. Right before that, they say: 



> Not only were *females who were having sex without condoms less depressed*, but depressive symptoms and suicide attempts among females who used condoms were proportional to the consistency of condom use.


In actuality, I think these women who go around having unprotected sex are just more likely to experience depression, as their behavior is self destructive. The study to me says that the women's depression increased the further they were away from sex, meaning that semen did decrease depression, though it obviously wasn't permanent. Like any medicine for depression, the longer you go without it, the less effect it will have. 

As for the statement that semen may be antagonistic, I blew that off because I took it as the researchers trying to be "responsible". What suggests that semen may be antagonistic, that the women that are unprotected experience higher depression without sex? (That's a guess; it doesn't actually say that.) That's correlational, not causal. Without reading the full text, I can only assume the researchers were trying to be "responsible", and so making sure they did not put out a message of "go ride every man like a pony if you're sad." Ginuwine may disagree. 

I'll have to find a way to read the whole article, but I really don't have time right now.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

@ManhattanINTP You're under the impression that these women are sleeping around. Take into account the women in committed and/or long-term relationships that don't use protection.

You're also being highly judgmental by saying they're making bad decisions, that's subjective. It's "bad" in your opinion, not objectively.


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

redmanINTP said:


> I would point out as part of this discussion that, if there's a difference at all, the better sensation of skin versus latex may contribute to more pleasure and seratonin and melatonin release, both of which are anti-depressant hormones. I don't know that these studies control for that.


Seems unlikely that the vagina would have special skin vs latex sensors. I'm being partially facetious, of course, but you get my point. I heard in physiological psychology that you can induce psudo-pregnancy in rats with a q-tip if you do a swab in the wrong time in their cycle.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

@ManhattanINTP was it really necessary to post quote all of us again?


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

There are two things about using no condoms..

Firstly - of course pleasure. It feels infinitely better to me. Sex is already great with condoms but it feels even better without.

Secondly - I do feel more attached to the individual. Not even counting intercourse - the first time I had cummed from a blowjob I was also swallowed and the feelings I had towards her grew deeper. I have had sex with a person before without condoms and "left it in her" and I always felt more connected and felt a bonding experience. I can't explain why, but when I cum inside either via mouth or via down-stairs I get an intense feeling of satiation and all of those feelings go towards her. It just strengths the bonds between me and the other person IMO.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> I actually read the abstract a few times over when I saw that. Right before that, they say:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


....Ok, so if I'm following you here, you've got an article from some sort of scientific journal that you linked to contribute to the conversation, but you're advocating not just differently from the article but completely the opposite because you "feel that women who have sex without condoms tend to more often engage in self-destructive behavior such that they suffer from depression more frequently." 

Am I missing something?


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

Fizz said:


> @_ManhattanINTP_ You're under the impression that these women are sleeping around. Take into account the women in committed and/or long-term relationships that don't use protection.
> 
> You're also being highly judgmental by saying they're making bad decisions, that's subjective. It's "bad" in your opinion, not objectively.


I'm not completely objective. Without reading the full text, I'm assuming the context of the article is a study on college promiscuity. "Sleeping around" without a condom _is _"bad". Selecting your partners carefully by reasearching them and testing and _then_ having sex without a condom isn't bad to me. 

You're right though, I jumped to conclusions. I should read the study before I assume it's focused on college promiscuity and so likely cautionary against unprotected sex.

Nope, I messed up by post-quotting all again. My browser doesn't forget when I add quotes.


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

redmanINTP said:


> ....Ok, so if I'm following you here, you've got an article from some sort of scientific journal that you linked to contribute to the conversation, but you're advocating not just differently from the article but completely the opposite because you "feel that women who have sex without condoms tend to more often engage in self-destructive behavior such that they suffer from depression more frequently."
> 
> Am I missing something?


Well, the quote you selected is different from my POV, the quote I selected is supportive of my POV. It's not as if the quote you selected was the complete point of the article, is it? Like I said, that quote did not make sense to me, because it is the same as any anti-depressive medicine. "Depression of the subject went up in proportion to the time in which they last took an SSRI. This is indicative of the claim that an SSRI causes depression" 

That doesn't make sense, does it? Of course, I could be reading it wrong...


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

What about men?
I wish they'd stop coming up with all these studies about what a woman should and shouldn't do. No wonder women are confused.

For a change they can come up with some hair-brained theories about men too.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

ManhattanINTP said:


> Well, the quote you selected is different from my POV, the quote I selected is supportive of my POV. It's not as if the quote you selected was the complete point of the article, is it? Like I said, that quote did not make sense to me, because it is the same as any anti-depressive medicine. "Depression of the subject went up in proportion to the time in which they last took an SSRI. This is indicative of the claim that an SSRI causes depression"
> 
> That doesn't make sense, does it? Of course, I could be reading it wrong...


You're misreading it. Depression in non-condom using women goes up _the farther in time they are away from their last sexual encounter_. In other words, by having sex without condoms frequently, they're reducing depression; only when they stop having "unprotected sex" does their depression increase. 

Also, to the extent that this is the source of the confusion, it doesn't say that women who don't use condoms have a higher baseline for depression than do the condom-using women. If that's your argument, it's completely unsupported by that article.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

twoofthree said:


> What about men?
> I wish they'd stop coming up with all these studies about what a woman should and shouldn't do. No wonder women are confused.
> 
> For a change they can come up with some hair-brained theories about men too.


They do. There's this crazy notion floating around out there called "marriage". Do you believe that shit?


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## Intricate Mystic (Apr 3, 2010)

lambo said:


> wow, this gets REALLY personal but you're right, NFs can go there. I could probably write tons on this and I will if you message me personally and allow me to just share this with you. but for now, I can tell you that the last person I was with was a very special person to me (previously this year I've had over a dozen casual flings). so, we spent some nights together and had lots of intimate contact. dare I say I broke some personal records. after many encounters, it gets more difficult to ejaculate, but I remember being on the edge of deciding weather to continue and the thought crossed my mind that we were "barebacking" it and the thought of coming inside her is what caused me to go over the edge and have yet another orgasm. ...I think I love this one;-)


I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Thanks for sharing this info ^. What you wrote makes me want to ask more questions. I guess I'll need to PM as you suggested.


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## DMack (Aug 16, 2011)

I can't say there's a huge difference with a condom or not, but there's a big difference between going off inside as compared to outside.


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## Intricate Mystic (Apr 3, 2010)

DMack said:


> I can't say there's a huge difference with a condom or not, but there's a big difference between going off inside as compared to outside.


Is it just a difference in the physical sensations or a difference in some other aspect, as well?


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

As a woman, I'd strongly prefer the feeling of him coming inside of me without a condom... but I'm fine with condoms I suppose. It's not like I have a choice.


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## Manhattan (Jul 13, 2011)

redmanINTP said:


> You're misreading it. Depression in non-condom using women goes up _the farther in time they are away from their last sexual encounter_. In other words, by having sex without condoms frequently, they're reducing depression; only when they stop having "unprotected sex" does their depression increase.
> 
> Also, to the extent that this is the source of the confusion, it doesn't say that women who don't use condoms have a higher baseline for depression than do the condom-using women. If that's your argument, it's completely unsupported by that article.


Right, exactly. Just like depression goes up the farther in time one is away from taking an SSRI. Though that doesn't mean that SSRIs cause depression. It seems like, by your quote of the article and mine, both are saying that semen reduces depression like medication. I think some of the confusion is in their word use "antagonize". By "antagonize depression", they may actually mean reduce depression. (An antagonist medicine blocks a neurotransmitter, an *agonist* does the opposite). 

Here is the whole article. http://www.beforeyoutakethatpill.com/2011/4/Gordon_2002.pdf

A few quotes:



> Post hoc comparisons based on Fisher’s LSD showed that females who engaged in sexual intercourse but never used condoms exhibited significantly lower scores on the BDI than those who usually (p < :001) or always (p < :05) used condoms. Females who engaged in sexual intercourse but did not use condoms also evidenced significantly lower
> levels of depressive symptoms than those who abstained from sexual intercourse (p < :001). However, depression scores between females who used condoms and those who did not engage in sexual intercourse were not significantly different.





> Likewise, in much the same way that was true of depression scores, those who abstained from having sex were equivalent to those that typically used condoms in terms of the proportion of respondents who admitted a prior suicide attempt.


*
THIS is really interesting:* 



> To determine whether being in a relationship might affect depression scores, respondents were subdivided into two groups: those who were currently in a relationship
> with a member of the opposite sex (N D 185) and those who were not (N D 98). The BDI scores between females who were in a relationship (M D 10:17; SD D 8:46) and those that were not (M D 12:11; SD D 9:55) were not significantly different. Likewise, length of the relationship did not correlate with depressive symptoms. The only correlate of the relationship that approached significance was the frequency of sexual intercourse, which
> was inversely proportional to the length of the relationship (r D ¡:134; p D :07).





> Consistent with the hypothesis that there may be something about semen that antagonizes depression, females who were having sex without condoms also showed lower depression scores than those who were abstaining from sex altogether. The fact that depression scores among females who were not having sex did not differ from those who were using condoms demonstrates that it is not sexual activity per se that antagonizes depression.


_None _of their wording suggests that semen makes depression worse, only that it makes it temporarily better. Like medication. 

And here I was losing confidence in my ability to read the whole picture.


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## Intricate Mystic (Apr 3, 2010)

avalanche183 said:


> There are two things about using no condoms..
> 
> Firstly - of course pleasure. It feels infinitely better to me. Sex is already great with condoms but it feels even better without.
> 
> Secondly - I do feel more attached to the individual. Not even counting intercourse - the first time I had cummed from a blowjob I was also swallowed and the feelings I had towards her grew deeper. I have had sex with a person before without condoms and "left it in her" and I always felt more connected and felt a bonding experience. *I can't explain why, but when I cum inside either via mouth or via down-stairs I get an intense feeling of satiation and all of those feelings go towards her. It just strengths the bonds between me and the other person IMO.*


Thank you for being courageous and explaining this! It's the type of answer I'm looking for.


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## Modesty (Aug 30, 2011)

Well it's the main point of having sex, and one of those things that makes the difference between "making love" instead of just getting off.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Celtic Dreams said:


> I don't know if it's the hormones or what, but I swear the "smell of sex" or semen plus whatever I have down there myself *blushing* gives me an afterglow. It definitely feels better after he comes than before. And I feel better all day. It's not that I'm really thrilled to risk pregnancy or take yet another shower, there is just something about it.


Yes I have to agree 100%,I absolutely love it when my partner ejaculates in me.I like the feeling I have of carrying a part of him inside me even after showering,and the next day when traces of him are still visible in my panties.I'm on BCP and he has had a vasectomy so we really don't need to use condoms anyway.Why am I on the pill when he has had a vasectomy you may ask?It's more a case of better safe than sorry as he is not certain if it is effective enough to prevent me from getting pregnant,as was the case with his previous partner when he was supposed to be shooting blanks.


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