# How and When to tell an isfj you like him



## itchaskitch (Feb 8, 2013)

So I'm really into this isfj guy I've been getting to know over the past few months. He's funny, kind and committed to doing a lot of good work in the community for other people - all majorly attractive features for me.

We've hung out in a group several times, and I've been making friends with his best friend. However, we've only hung out one on one twice, the first time in December when he volunteered to go with me to a gig because I had no one to go with. The second time was this Sunday when I suggested we hang out together and he invited me over to help him take pictures for his summer camp. Now, I have a problem whereby if I'm around someone who is very quiet I end up thinking I must be boring them and I just end up talking constantly because nerves. Basically I turn into a blithering idiot and I'm a little bit worried that he might think that I am, although he hasn't strictly said anything to suggest this, and other people have told me that when I do this it's endearing. I also worry that I'm too negative - sometimes I'll just bring up bad things about my life and I worry that I must just seem like a lot of baggage. I have, however, been a lot better and more relaxed in group situations, so hopefully that's the impression of me that he'll take away.

Anyway, I really want to be honest with him and get my feelings out in the open so we can just discuss them and work out what we feel rather than being vague and admiring him from afar. I was planning on seeing him this Saturday when there's another gig which I invited him to and he seemed keen to go to. I have some other friends going and was hoping to kind of go in a group.

However, four days is kind of a long time to wait when I already know what I want to say and how I feel: and may be the whole waiting for a gig which we're probably going to thing seems a little bit contrived maybe? Like, if he doesn't go or whatever I'd need to work out a new plan and risk. I'm starting to think that a better idea might just be to ask if I can talk to him, and then be upfront and honest about how I feel, whilst also being clear that I have no expectations of him. I guess my question is: do you think a conversation like that, with the purpose of allowing everyone to know where they stand and with clear boundaries, is likely to scare the isfj off? Should I be continuing to play it cool and wait it out a bit longer and let him get to know me better? Also could be seen as a bit pushy since we only saw each other two days ago?

Also, for context, good signs: I sometimes catch him looking at me in group contexts when I'm not talking or anything, he also at times has taken special interest in what I have to say in group contexts (however, this could just be that whatever I was talking about was interesting) he has asked me for life advice quite recently, which I'm told is a big deal for isfj. Also I've noticed him making good guesses about things that I'm going to like: for example, when we were at his house I said something which reminded him of a vegan cookbook he had which has loads of cute stories in it, and he,was all like "oh, you'll really like this!" Which I think is prob good.

Not so good signs: this is going to sound bitter, but I don't mean it bitter at all- he doesn't really take a lot of interest in my life; when we're hanging out I ask him all about himself and he doesn't really ask me about myself unless it's directly related to the conversation - which is fine, but possibly not a good sign in terms of attraction. Also, whenever we talk via text or social media, it's always me who starts the conversation, and he usually talks for a while and always replies, but usually kind of is the one to end the conversation by giving really short replies after a while which I can't respond to? Again, not complaining, just giving more context which could provide indication of what he might be feeling (if anything) without actually asking him yet.

Cheers guys :3


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

> he usually talks for a while and always replies, but usually kind of is the one to end the conversation by giving really short replies after a while which I can't respond to? Again, not complaining, just giving more context which could provide indication of what he might be feeling


I am like this first, very formal, almost impersonal,and very short responses, until i fall for the person, then you can't shut me up lol. then I will be the one wanting to talk to you xD. it takes me a while to get to that point, so be patient xD

I like people with ENFP personalities, but give him some time? xD


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## itchaskitch (Feb 8, 2013)

Darn it, this was supposed to go into the ISFJ bit, not just the general SJ board >.> sorry if this is in the wrong place!



johnson.han.3 said:


> I am like this first, very formal, almost impersonal,and very short responses, until i fall for the person, then you can't shut me up lol. then I will be the one wanting to talk to you xD. it takes me a while to get to that point, so be patient xD
> 
> I like people with ENFP personalities, but give him some time? xD


Anyways, yeah that makes a lot of sense and was kinda the conclusion I'd come to  one thing - I kind of very accidentally know him and his friends and they all go to the same university, whilst I work. Basically, if I want to hang out with him I either need to wait for them to arrange a social event and invite me along, or contact him personally myself. How much space does the ISFJ generally need from new people? I've never come across such a reserved type before, so I really don't want to be pushy or overbearing


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

itchaskitch said:


> Darn it, this was supposed to go into the ISFJ bit, not just the general SJ board >.> sorry if this is in the wrong place!
> 
> 
> 
> Anyways, yeah that makes a lot of sense and was kinda the conclusion I'd come to  one thing - I kind of very accidentally know him and his friends and they all go to the same university, whilst I work. Basically, if I want to hang out with him I either need to wait for them to arrange a social event and invite me along, or contact him personally myself. How much space does the ISFJ generally need from new people? I've never come across such a reserved type before, so I really don't want to be pushy or overbearing


I personally like people, and especially those who are funny and loves to talk. it all depends on the vibs of the person, but usually if someone invites me to stuff, as long as its not a crazy place, I will most likely go. =p.

make sure you are on time though, and always follow through with what you say, its a big deal xD. also, really really do show your family side, and be nice to little kids and elderly. those are REALLY REALLY important. I found that all the girls that I actually liked were those that took care of their siblings, and family. xD


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## itchaskitch (Feb 8, 2013)

johnson.han.3 said:


> I personally like people, and especially those who are funny and loves to talk. it all depends on the vibs of the person, but usually if someone invites me to stuff, as long as its not a crazy place, I will most likely go. =p.
> 
> make sure you are on time though, and always follow through with what you say, its a big deal xD. also, really really do show your family side, and be nice to little kids and elderly. those are REALLY REALLY important. I found that all the girls that I actually liked were those that took care of their siblings, and family. xD


Yeah, that does make sense. I keep getting confused because I've been reading in to it and a lot of the advice seems to be "Be honest with how you feel, you'll have to spell it out" and then "But give him time to warm up to you" and I'm like "So do I just be honest or do I wait around?" I'm guessing I need to do the thing of hanging out with him and waiting until he starts opening up to me before saying anything?

Also a lot of people are saying to be really really nice and make him feel kinda special. I thought it might be good to focus on the charity/volunteer work he does and the good things which have come out of that. But yeah I can emphasise my caring side too  doing stuff with family is a bit difficult for me though :/ but I am good with children!

I realise I'm answering a lot of my own questions here, I just find it easier to think out loud and get other people's perspectives 

On the following through thing...does that also mean that if he says he wants to do something, I can probably trust that he does actually want to do it and is likely to follow through on actually going?

Thanks a lot btws, this is all really really helpful


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

most likely yes, if i say I will do something, I will do it. 

make sure the place you go to is a safe place, and if there will be other friends coming, make sure there are no crazy people. also do things that are fun but sensible. xD

by safe, I mean a place he will feel safe. xD


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## itchaskitch (Feb 8, 2013)

Haha, yeah I guessed with regards to safe  I haven't invited anyone too out there, all nice people who I think he'll like, so. Just hope it's not too many :s

But in terms of telling him; should I wait it out until he's fully comfortable and open around me, or should I tell him quite early on so he's aware of my feelings (but being really low pressure about it, like just saying I'd like to get to know him better)


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## itchaskitch (Feb 8, 2013)

Ok, ok, ok, so then like on Saturday we met up and like it seemed to go well. He was really chatty with me, actually being expressive and open. A friend of mine who didn't know him said that he seemed to be focussing on me during a lot of group conversations, including ones where we were in a group of people who are his good friends. He was perfectly comfortable with physical contact, and throughout the day there were several times where we caught each other's eye and just maintained eye contact for several seconds and smiling warmly and not saying anything. I also made him laugh quite a lot and stuff. So, that's all sounding positive, right?

So I was feeling pretty confident. But then yesterday we were altogether again as a group and I can tell he's relaxed around me now because he was being so so so chatty. Like, if I hadn't ever met him before and he was acting like that, I'd have thought he was an extrovert. So yeah, he seems more at ease with me, but he wasn't treating me at all differently to anyone else in the room so idk, it was a different feeling and atmosphere from the day before. So yeah, idk, how does that sound if anything?

Like, I'm getting a lot of mixed advice. Some people are saying to be patient and wait it out, some are saying to be honest and upfront :S so idk, basically I was going to leave it for a couple of weeks since we're both going to see each other in group situations anyway. Then I was going to suggest another one on one hang out for in a couple of week's time. During which I was going to go to his house, bring his favourite food (cus I owe him dinner) and a table cloth so we don't get his bed dirty, watch arrested development whilst we eat, then do baking whilst I ask fun hypothetical questions about his interests. I was also going to give him a small thoughtful gift. Then go on a nighttime walk to a part or canal, and whilst there say how I feel. Does that sound good?


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## Youknowwho (Sep 20, 2019)

I know this thread is a while ago, I couldn't help it but wondering how does it goes now? Are you with him already? 😊


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