# How to get along with SLE's if one is IEE?



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

I have had problems with my brother for years, we think differently & his arrogance is aggravating & infuriating. :S his fake Fe-ish way of approaching some people from whom he can get stuff makes me angry if I have to see it.

Idk, we used to be close, but the relationship has been gradually cooling off, at least from my perspective...he has become someone I wouldn't want to be, doing things I want nothing to do with, we are sort of parallel, but he is my bro -.- and I love the guy.

How can I fix this?


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## Aleksei (Apr 3, 2010)

With superegos you basically have to resign yourself to the idea that you can't change their mind, and focus on just sharing whatever shared interests you have and getting along. That or just forget getting along and put distance between yourself and him for your own sanity.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Aleksei said:


> With superegos you basically have to resign yourself to the idea that you can't change their mind, and *focus on just sharing whatever shared interests you have and getting along*. That or just forget getting along and put distance between yourself and him for your own sanity.


That seems like a good idea. I don't want things to go sour, we are family after all.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

I was close with my stepbrother when we were younger but we really began to develop and go different ways as we grew older. So in a way it's a similar situation. We just eventually distanced ourselves naturally because we gravitated towards different things in life. I think he's Si-Ne valuing but I had issues to truly peg down his type though I am pretty sure he's some kind of sensor.


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## zinnia (Jul 22, 2013)

I think you need to change your goal. You can never "fix it" - you can't change yourself or anyone else - more like just deal with it.

I am doing a surgery rotation right now, full of SLE's and it's been pretty rough. But there's definitely things we have in common (like an interest in surgery, for one) - it just comes down to not taking offense when they say or do something I find inappropriate or invasive, and them shutting up about how I seem like a quiet little wallflower who trips over her own feet. I think I've learned not to take anything they say personally... a good skill to have in general.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Most people try to see how they can get along with someone, but what I think they're really asking, is for that other person to be persuaded, or convinced, to see their point of view.

Unfortunately, no one can give you advice to make someone else get along with you. All you can really do, is figure out how to adapt and work around _them. _

If it's his arrogance you can't stand-- Ask yourself why? Ask yourself if it's something you think he can help. Maybe this is just a part of his personality, that you just need to learn to accept as being a part of him, and try to see it as endearing. He's your brother, after all.

The best way I've found to working well with others, is reluctantly setting aside my ego, and looking at it from their perspective. Putting myself in their position, and trying to understand why they're set in their ways.

And even if I can't understand-- Worse comes to worst... All I can really do is my best.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Word Dispenser said:


> Most people try to see how they can get along with someone, but what I think they're really asking, is for that other person to be persuaded, or convinced, to see their point of view.


Yeah I think this is true of me in this situation, so I won't deny it.



> If it's his arrogance you can't stand-- Ask yourself why? Ask yourself if it's something you think he can help. Maybe this is just a part of his personality, that you just need to learn to accept as being a part of him, and try to see it as endearing. He's your brother, after all.


Its probably part of his personality, he is a 3w2 8w7 7w8 So/Sx ESTP & we sort of noticed early on something along those lines, so we made sure his confidence was at an all time high, which was great, but I fear he tipped over into arrogance. Though it may be that its just part of being a 3: thinking one can do anything & then biting off more then one can chew. He is highly intelligent thou, in a stubborn narrow minded way at times. The problem is most likely my preference for blunt honesty with no embellishments, so people like him generally aggravate me, because it feels like he is overselling something & lying to me. I trust him because he is my brother, but the way he conveys things makes me mistrustful & the contradiction is pissing me off. At times he goes into this fake Fe-mode, which feels like he is dragging his nails across a blackboard, I can't stand that kind of Fe, is very awkward & disturbing to watch, but its his way of making a good impression. Idk if or how it works on other people.

..but its not just this. For example he can't stand fiction in any media & is dismissive of anything that doesn't have anything to do with concrete reality, usually thinks only once before acting & hides his real self in order to be liked. <.< sometimes I'm like..."Wait, that isn't what you really think, so why say it?"

His loose way with personal ethics tends to piss me off, which is the primary way I assess someone's value to me, trust etc. It makes me question my ability to cooperate with him & makes me think he'd screw me over if he got the chance....that is my gut feeling.



> The best way I've found to working well with others, is reluctantly setting aside my ego, and looking at it from their perspective. Putting myself in their position, and trying to understand why they're set in their ways.


I guess I have little choice in the matter either way.


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## fasc (Jun 23, 2014)

Stop thinking of him as one. Some of the stuff you're complaining about sounds really petty. So he has a certain communication style that you've projected something onto (you haven't described anything concrete that he's done), and doesn't like the same things you do?


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

FreeBeer said:


> How can I fix this?


There is a 4-page long thread on SLE-IEE relations on 16types. I haven't read through it but it could have some useful tips: SLE-IEE Superego Relations (ESTp & ENFp)


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

fasc said:


> Stop thinking of him as one. Some of the stuff you're complaining about sounds really petty. So he has a certain communication style that you've projected something onto (you haven't described anything concrete that he's done), and doesn't like the same things you do?


We pretty much don't get along, its not just me. He doesn't seem to like my direct approach or my modesty (considers both a flaw), nor how I tend towards over thinking & not acting enough, he usually criticizes if I engage in fantasy related things (because its BS in his opinion), we disagree in our worldviews, he is a capitalist hell bent on becoming rich & a boss of his own corporation on day p ) & I'm pretty much a anarchist (which means I'm also a socialist , so I oppose any such hierarchy he may dream of).

Each of us in our own way just want the best for the other & we think that our version is better then the other person's, so we end up arguing trying to convince each other of our own side, which ends in failure, because we seem to think differently.

If I ignore the socionics bit, its pretty much the same regardless. I have to concentrate on what we have in common & try to understand why the differences are there.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

@FreeBeer perhaps it would be best for the both of you to just have a very distanced relationship and minimize any interaction you need to have with each other? Regardless of how one chooses to understand it, it's very difficult to get along with people you don't get along with lol. It's counter-intuitive even. It's difficult with family because you may not/cannot cut them off like you can do with acquaintances whom you realize you can't get along with at all, so the second best thing is to try to minimize any interaction you have and whenever you notice you start getting into a fight or having disagreements lay it out that you are and try to walk away from it. Not much else you can do about it unfortunately. If you are both aware that there is a problem between the two of you, just agree on that when you start noticing these things in each other try to take a chill pill and come back later. 

Now, I wish I could do the same with grandma but I am not even sure she understands there is a communication problem going on...


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

@Entropic

:sad: well I snapped, said some nasty stuff & almost punched him...threatened to knock his teeth out. Idk what happened or why it was set off, best guess is that there is/was a lot of bottled up stuff that I was holding back...but -.- I really don't like who he is as a person anymore & my subconscious can't be more honest then a snap reaction like this. Whatever type he is, his behavior & body language irritates me to no end.. 

I failed....& frightened myself in the process...

I have only met one other person who pushed me over the edge like this, a high school student who was/is a motorcycle fan.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

FreeBeer said:


> @Entropic
> 
> :sad: well I snapped, said some nasty stuff & almost punched him...threatened to knock his teeth out. Idk what happened or why it was set off, best guess is that there is/was a lot of bottled up stuff that I was holding back...but -.- I really don't like who he is as a person anymore & my subconscious can't be more honest then a snap reaction like this. Whatever type he is, his behavior & body language irritates me to no end..
> 
> ...


Well, there isn't much to do about it. Done is done though I wonder how he interpreted it. You may have taken it poorly but did he?


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## Strayer (Sep 13, 2014)

Put distance . Hope it will work.


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