# Choosing to Date/Love Someone Because It's Logical...



## paige1136 (Nov 11, 2013)

Do most NT's think this way when it comes to dating and relationships? I, for the life of me, can't think about love purely from an emotional standpoint. Obviously it's never purely rational, but if there isn't some logical rationalization for it, I can't really be persuaded. My friend and I were talking about a certain situation I'm in the other day and she said "most people decide to pursue these things with their heart". And that's when it hit me: I always have to rationalize emotional things like love, and if it doesn't make at least _some_ logical sense (ie: in terms of compatibility and working out long-term) I won't pursue it. 

Is this true for most, if not all NT's? How do you make decisions about emotional things like love?


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## INTJ Mom (Jul 13, 2014)

My decision to marry my husband was a very rational, logical one. OTOH the decisions I made to date the people I did before getting married were not logical. I completely understand what you mean about rationalizing emotional things and I don't think it's a bad thing to be logical about who you decide to date or stay in a relationship with. The emotional high of a new relationship only lasts so long anyway.


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## Stasis (May 6, 2014)

It's definitely a choice for me.

I don't make decisions with my heart, I don't even know what people mean by that. Does that mean letting your fleeting and irrational emotions lead the way? Negative. That's foolish and you will pay for it in the end.

Not sure if it's a NT thing.


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## static hysteria (Dec 23, 2013)

I don't think developing love for someone could ever be logical, but yes, deciding whether to pursue a relationship, based on many factors, could be and SHOULD be.

Ah, all the mini-heart attacks I've had to go through while watching my Fi dom/aux friends jump carelessly into toxic relationships.


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## Vandrer (Jun 26, 2014)

I can logic myself out of love, simply conditioning myself to stop loving someone if I can logically see that they will not be good for me.
For me, love is when both the logical part and the feelings are in sync, though it scares me a bit the few times it has happened. Entering a new relationship, it would only require one of them, but later down the line I will be looking for both. =)

I do not know if I can logic myself into love, but I do not want to enter a relationship on logic alone.
It can also be hard to discern whether or not I love someone, (the thing you develop over a long time) but a crush is very apparent to me.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

I think I'm becoming more rational about these sorts of things.

An earlier version of me would fall hopelessly in love and would have his head in the clouds for a good year or so. That happened to me twice.

Now I think I'll be more serious about the reality of things. When I go to China I think I might, for the first time, hunt around for a solely short-term relationship, because I need to leave after a year. It's strange because I fairly strongly believe every relationship should be taken with the mindset of '_it could be forever_', hence me automatically submitting myself so deeply in the last two. So it's gonna be something new for me, and is certainly all down to me thinking logically about the whole thing.


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## starscream430 (Jan 14, 2014)

I agree! Love is not a logical feeling, but there are some logical components in determining if one loves somebody. For me, I would like a person who has similar likes to me because I think we would have an easier time connecting together, eventually leading to the feeling of love. It could possibly be a NT thing, but I'm sure others utilize such a method in determining their significant other :happy:.


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## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

NT's look for their mind mates. I think our approach is way more logical. I know when I start talking to chicks online and there's a few responses I try to sort out the SJ's and ultimately look for an INFJ. I think I probably do come off a bit more cold and calculated but I'm looking to be as efficient as possible and don't want to have a bunch of dead end short term relationships that ultimately waste my time, and after breakup, put me back at square one.


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## aeralin (Jul 11, 2014)

To a point, I think I take into account whether this person would work out long-term (otherwise my interest in the person would not exist, and they probably would not pass the cursory glance). Though I think love is irrational and quite illogical. You can rationalize the love and make it logical to you. However, I do not have reasons for why I want this person in the same room as me, even though I am going to read and he is going to be doing whatever he is doing. We might as well be in different rooms or across the state. However, I still want him there. There is no logical reason for this, and I ignore him while he is there but, I'd rather him be there. Me, as someone who would rather just be alone, I find him an exception I can not explain. It must be this weird thing called love.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

EDLC said:


> It's definitely a choice for me.
> 
> I don't make decisions with my heart, I don't even know what people mean by that. *Does that mean letting your fleeting and irrational emotions lead the way?* Negative. That's foolish and you will pay for it in the end.
> 
> Not sure if it's a NT thing.


No, the heart is being used figuratively to mean the deepest part of a person, or their most preciously held beliefs & values which define them. So pursuing with the heart usually means deciding based on what is important to you beyond the utilitarian - what brings real meaning & satisfaction. Someone who is "good on paper" may not fill those needs, even though they check all the boxes. 

I think a fair amount of people do confuse emotion with this figurative heart, but that's not what the expression means.


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## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

I think this depends on what variables you take into account with your "logical decision" to be with someone.

If you ask me, being logical about mate selection means incorporating "illogical" things into the equation such as how that person makes you feel, as ironic as that might seem. Any human that decides things the way a computer program or an algorithm decides things is actually being inherently irrational and unrealistic.

You are human. You have feelings. Deal with it, or they will deal with YOU.


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## EyesOpen (Apr 3, 2013)

Yeah, I think that examining a situation to see if it looks like it would be a wise choice, a good match, etc. despite what your feelings tell you is taking it more "logical" while some people would have the feelings and just pretty much go for it without thinking about it too much. A happy medium is probably best. I do tend to examine the crap out of it when I am into someone before I make any decisions rather than just going with gut emotions..I know I can feel one way and that feeling is not always wise. It's important to consider feelings..they are there for a reason too..but..needs to be held in check. Not always easy though, if you feel quite strongly about someone. You may even think you're being more on the objective side but you're not in actuality.


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## Cescafran (May 22, 2013)

I do the same, I'm not going to pursue anything that isn't going to last in my mind. It just isn't worth it.


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