# I Don't Have a Family



## Sillia Rosa (Apr 9, 2011)

Long story short: My family and I have completely different views on the world. I don't trust them and they don't trust me. Fault goes both ways. I will follow my dreams, my parents will be pissed/disappointed if I try to follow my dreams (because it's vastly different from what they wanted for me). 

So...how do I follow my dreams without feeling bad about hurting my parents? 
And if it's possible, how can I have a family again if we don't see eye to eye on anything? I've let the whole relationship just fall to ruin over the last year.


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## amon91 (Feb 1, 2011)

You don't necessarily have to compromise on one thing in order to have the other. You have to show your parents your way is the right way, and listen to them if they think it's not. That doesn't mean doing what they tell you, but try to build up more cooperation. You can have different views but still get along.

If you gave us more details on what exactly you're trying to pursue, maybe we could be more of help.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

"So...how do I follow my dreams without feeling bad about hurting my parents?"

Never settle.


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## Thrifty Walrus (Jul 8, 2010)

Just do your own thing and hope that they'll accept it eventually, what more can you do?


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## Sillia Rosa (Apr 9, 2011)

Thrifty Walrus said:


> Just do your own thing and hope that they'll accept it eventually, what more can you do?


I suppose I knew this all along. Thanks guys


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

Neither do I. But, I'm still communicating with my cousin.


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

I'm in the same boat, only that I never really cared for "family" there just never was any kind of connection.
It's only as bad as you make it to be. It's perfectly fine in my opinion to be on your own instead being part of a bigger family.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

After recognizing that my mother is narcissistic, I had to face the difficult truth that I will never have an external mother, and that I have to take care of myself. It hurt like a bitch, but in the end it was very freeing, and very strong. I know that I don't need anyone else to validate my decisions or to make me feel good and loved. This is probably a bit extreme for an example, but the point is that in growing up you may have to be okay with being the only person who supports you. Believe it or not, that's all you really need anyway.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

hziegel said:


> I know that I don't need anyone else to validate my decisions or to make me feel good and loved. This is probably a bit extreme for an example, but the point is that in growing up you may have to be okay with being the only person who supports you. Believe it or not, that's all you really need anyway.


Agreed for different reasons. 

I'd rather be loved by someone who "I love" not by someone who brings me into this world with every characteristics and embedded identity that I have, which I never chose, until I become an adult and finally reshaping myself by accomodating my weakness.


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## yesiknowbut (Oct 25, 2009)

You can't live your life to be an object for your family. You have to follow your own path, and they have to decide whether to accept it. If they don't, I'm afraid you can't influence them: you can only ever fix your side of a relationship, and it's important that you do not compromise yourself to do it.
Do what you must in life, keep the lines of communication open, and if they love you, which I am sure they do, in time things will moderate.


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## Michael82 (Dec 13, 2010)

Sillia Rosa said:


> Long story short: My family and I have completely different views on the world. I don't trust them and they don't trust me. Fault goes both ways. I will follow my dreams, my parents will be pissed/disappointed if I try to follow my dreams (because it's vastly different from what they wanted for me).
> 
> So...how do I follow my dreams without feeling bad about hurting my parents?
> And if it's possible, how can I have a family again if we don't see eye to eye on anything? I've let the whole relationship just fall to ruin over the last year.


Confront them and ask them what they truly wish for you, to be independent or to be owned by them.


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