# Question for those with so/sx and sp/sx stackings



## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

How do you see your secondary instinct? How does it come into play in your life? How does it interact with your primary one?


----------



## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

As an sp-dom, my primary focus is my physical/emotional comfort, a comfort which depends upon those aspects being in MY control, which means I prefer to be independent. I strive to be self-sufficient as much as possible, but the intense SX desire to connect (no doubt fueled as much by being Fi-dom and e4) creates a "push-pull" effect. I push away people as threats to independence, then I seek to attract people passively for intimate relationships, but I fear needing anything I cannot provide for myself enough that I may push them back after I catch their notice.

SX types seek intensity in relationships with others & intensity of experience, so that's why I will passively seek to draw individuals (often through how I dress, or other indirect ways of broadcasting I am special so those who "get it" will respond). I will not do so at the expense of my physical/emotional comfort however. SX-doms, IMO, appear that they will do it at that expense. The minute I feel that discomfort, I pull back. I've had few close friends & romances because of this. Since SO is last, I don't become parts of groups either & am oblivious or uncaring of my over all "reputation".

I also will use my sx instinct to aid my sp one. I won't seek out intense experiences that are uncomfortable, but ones which are as soothing as they are exciting. I'll try & use my sp independence to my advantage for my sx instinct also; I'll (unconsciously) use my aloofness towards others as a draw; I become a mystery they want to solve. I'm not necessarily good at drawing people that way, but part of the sx instinct is weeding people out who aren't right for you. I find it works with a select few, so that it does drive them nuts & they have to pursue me. My intensity in connecting tends to come out AFTER I have established emotional comfort with someone, AFTER I am assured there is no threat to my independence.

My ex was an so/sx and similarly, he would not seek intensity at the expense of his main instinct, in his case, his social reputation/connections. In addition, the sx intimate connections he sought, the intense experiences, etc, were often angled to aid his SO motivations of being socially appropriate & impressive; and then he'd also angle his social status to attract intimate connections with people. The two played off each other, but the so instinct dominated enough to suppress the sx if it came down to one or the other.


----------



## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

I'm SP/SX. How I see it... It doesn't so much interact with my primary SP instinct, but sometimes I switch into it. Go into Sx mode, where I am challenging and daring people to 'play' with me. It can take people aback if I was looking sleepy and drowsy the moment before as SP 9s often do. But sometimes something captures my attention and instantly sx is switched on and I turn my head and look with laser-eyes, sometimes my voice raises a lot. 

This stacking makes me interested in having a few close relations. Like I want to have intimate, soulful relations but from the safety of my own space, on my own terms. I stick to my few life long friends and such. 

Sx gives interest in having deep relations. And sometimes it comes out to play and I warp into an Sx mode. Sx second makes it natural to get very close to people. But with SP first only a select few. It also gives a quality of search. The search for yourself, the search for truth or something beneath the ordinary layer of society.


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

This is very unclear to me as well. Anyone? :O nice, 2 posts ^^ should have reloaded I guess.



Tucken said:


> I'm SP/SX. How I see it... It doesn't so much interact with my primary SP instinct, but sometimes I switch into it. Go into Sx mode, where I am challenging and teasing people to 'play' with me. It can take people aback if I was looking sleepy and drowsy the moment before as SP 9s often do. But sometimes something captures my attention and instantly sx is switched on and I turn my head and look with laser-eyes, sometimes my voice raises a lot.
> 
> This stacking makes me interested in having a few close relations. Like I want to have intimate, soulful relations but from the safety of my own space, on my own terms. I stick to my few life long friends and such.
> 
> Sx gives interest in having deep relations. And sometimes it comes out to play and I warp into an Sx mode. Sx second makes it natural to get very close to people. But with SP first only a select few. It also gives a quality of search. The search for yourself, the search for truth or something beneath the ordinary layer of society.


There is a comon misconception about Sx, that Sx wants close relationships. The reality is that Sx wants to mate with the other person on a subconscious level and this manifests in behavior. The beahviour mainly attracts the opposite sex and repulses or attracts the same sex. The sexual variant is exactly for what it was named for.

I have met Sx first people and my immediate reaction to the guy was that of competition, he is trouble and I could smell it on him. He said he could see it on me right away, it felt to him like I was growling and staring him down. Needless to say we were after the same girl at the time <.< and yeah...he lost..mostly because I was his superior in every other way. Sx firsts have this intense magnetism about them, seriously he could charm any girl he wanted and it wasn't his looks...there was something about him..this aura of alpha male. Sx firsts attract attention to themselves.

I don't know how this could manifest as second in personality, but Sx tends to give the person more confidence and extroversion, more drive and the tendency to reveal intimate things about themselves to others, which can seem as annoying, interesting or strangely weird. 

 am completely lost on this thing, one thing I'm sure of is that I'm not Sx first, which is a blessing ^^ thank you universe.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

sx runs me ragged.. sp is there to rescue me sometimes.


----------



## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

@Anarchy Well Sx doesnt care about close relationships per se but it looks for something which can be found within close relations. Inside another human being and something in the very exchange itself. 

I find that Sx has a spiritual side to it, the search for something more. It's not really about the sex, if it is about the sex that is more SP motivation - satisfying yourself. Sx is about looking for ways to merge with reality, to look for something more that cannot be found inside oneself and to create oneness. It is this need to become whole that spurs them to have partners. When Sx is top instinct or middle instinct you get titles like "seekers, mystics".

As we are we are contained within our bodies, but through sex we can melt into oneness. If you open yourself up to someone and simultaneously dig into them there can be a meaningful exchange. Taking sex out of it, sxs wants to hear another persons thoughts or feelings not exactly to get close to the person, but to find some meaningful exchange and satisfy the need to be more whole. 

Similarly SP isnt about money, there is another drive behind it. 
Socials are not about groups, there is a hidden drive behind it. 
Sx is really not about sex, imo. It's just the expression it takes on. All that energy needs an outlet, but the interest isn't in the sex.


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Tucken said:


> @_Anarchy_ Well Sx doesnt care about close relationships per se but it looks for something which can be found within close relations. Inside another human being and something in the very exchange itself.
> 
> I find that Sx has a spiritual side to it, the search for something more. It's not really about the sex, if it is about the sex that is more SP motivation - satisfying yourself. Sx is about looking for ways to merge with reality, to look for something more that cannot be found inside oneself and to create oneness. It is this need to become whole that spurs them to have partners. When Sx is top instinct or middle instinct you get titles like "seekers, mystics".
> 
> ...


Would a relentless search for meaning qualify as some form of Sx? It is my main drive and when I feel like I'm onto something, then I can be unstoppable, relentless with unending energy and drive in my search. I don't know the meaning of "give up" when somethig or someone really interests me. This can be a person or something else, but what I'm really after is an answer for myself, meaning in life. I know for sure I'm not Sx first, but my double reactive tritype is not named the seeker for nothing.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Anarchy said:


> Would a relentless search for meaning qualify as some form of Sx? It is my main drive and when I feel like I'm onto something, then I can be unstoppable, relentless with unending energy and drive in my search. I don't know the meaning of "give up" when somethig or someone really interests me. This can be a person or something else, but what I'm really after is an answer for myself, meaning in life.


Is -that- what drives you? Mainly. As an sx first, I have gotten myself into absolutely ridiculous situations following this impulse that overpowers me.


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Promethea said:


> Is -that- what drives you? Mainly. As an sx first, I have gotten myself into absolutely ridiculous situations following this impulse that overpowers me.


Ridiculous would be correct...painful sometimes (-.- the riddiculous relationship situations i get myself into sometimes..). I don't know how to give up and back down when something really matters to me and finding meaning in life is the most important thing for me. I search for it everywhere. This is why I'm into the enneagram, MBTI as well...I sought it out and the drive to figure this out in hopes of finding some clues towards some faint meaning is very strong.


----------



## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

I dont know.. I think that generally a relentless search for meaning is something spurred by fear of death. 

Perhaps your type 4 could explain some of it? Or type 6 as you're looking for answers(read to understand, clarity).

In the end I'm gonna have to say no. Sx is a search but not exactly the way you put it. I'm not sure about this myself. But I think the energy you mention comes from something else. Your core, perhaps.


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Tucken said:


> I dont know.. I think that generally a relentless search for meaning is something spurred by fear of death.
> 
> Perhaps your type 4 could explain some of it? Or type 6 as you're looking for answers(read to understand, clarity).
> 
> In the end I'm gonna have to say no. Sx is a search but not exactly the way you put it. I'm not sure about this myself. But I think the energy you mention comes from something else. Your core, perhaps.


As I said, no idea. I seem Sp on videos, but I don't overeat nor do I watch my health (well maybe sometimes) much and can be quite reckless sometimes. I'm not really afraid of death, but I'm afraid of being deprived and isolated with nothing to experience. Being locked in a room with no contact to anyone and nothing to experience is a fate worse then death.


----------



## Muser (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm an Sp/Sx...and a 5. To be brief - serious detachment and repression of my secondary instinct. 

My Sx instinct is something I experience strongly, but strictly internally. It is very repressed and everyone who knows me probably thinks I'm asexual. Some might take that to mean Sx-last, but just because I don't show it doesn't mean I don't care about or am unconscious of it (as opposed to my So-last instinct which doesn't really get much attention). I can be very cheeky and playful in conversations, but make sure it can never be mistaken for anything sexual. 

Sometimes, if the situation calls for it, my Sx instinct is welcomed. An example would be paying tribute to a lost loved one with family members. I _desire_ the chance to share that intense, intimate and special moment with someone who feels the same way.

If we're talking about romance, I think and fantasize about close (romantic) connections, but in real life, my Sp-dom pours cold water over it all and I detach as a stereotypical 5 would. Intimacy-wise, I get uncomfortable easily, and my Sp-dom does too good a job protecting me from such experiences. As a result, I lack maturity in the relationship arena. Relationships require vulnerability, and that's something I'm not ready to risk or expose.


----------



## BroNerd (Nov 27, 2010)

As a so/sx Six, I feel that my SX instinct allows me to relate to people well on a one-to-one level. However, the focus is more on So-ish topics than Sx-ish topics..


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

I think I'm Sp/Sx in the end because when it comes down to it in a relationship the one thing I love to do the most is be in a very comfortable environment and spend all day with her. I can do this for weeks and don't need to see anyone else. Its about shutting out the rest and falling into our little world.

I think this realization is what makes me an Sp/Sx.

I'm also not in a relationship now -.- and its depressing me.


----------



## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

Anarchy said:


> I think I'm Sp/Sx in the end because when it comes down to it in a relationship the one thing I love to do the most is be in a very comfortable environment and spend all day with her. I can do this for weeks and don't need to see anyone else. Its about shutting out the rest and falling into our little world.
> 
> I think this realization is what makes me an Sp/Sx.
> 
> I'm also not in a relationship now -.- and its depressing me.


The thought of spending all day every day for weeks with my loved one makes me want to break out in hives. My experience has been that I can seem very sx-dom when I'm interested in someone (pursue them, etc), but once the relationship is happening and all is settled my sp dominance falls back into place and I need my time alone. Lots of it. But I like having a loved one, it's definitely important to me. I just don't want to spend every moment with him. We are not one. We have something together, I love him tremendously, want to count on our relationship, but I-this might sound awful- will always be an I, and it is just as important as the we. Fortunately I am married to someone with his own separate interests and friends (an so/sx). I can't imagine being with someone who would want to be connected at the hip.


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

nevermind I'd rather not discuss this side of me


----------



## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Tucken said:


> @_Anarchy_ Well Sx doesnt care about close relationships per se but it looks for something which can be found within close relations. Inside another human being and something in the very exchange itself.
> 
> I find that Sx has a spiritual side to it, the search for something more. It's not really about the sex, if it is about the sex that is more SP motivation - satisfying yourself. Sx is about looking for ways to merge with reality, to look for something more that cannot be found inside oneself and to create oneness. It is this need to become whole that spurs them to have partners. When Sx is top instinct or middle instinct you get titles like "seekers, mystics".


This is a very good description of sx instinct.

This instinct is very often conflated with desire for relationships/mates. I think it represents something more than this: it's a greater all-encompassing desire to merge with reality. Sx's desire for passion, for intensity can be experienced through venues other than intimate relationships. It can be expressed through one's dedication to an idea or project or spiritual zeal, in ways that do not focus on other people.


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

cyamitide said:


> This is a very good description of sx instinct.
> 
> This instinct is very often conflated with desire for relationships/mates. I think it represents something more than this: it's a greater all-encompassing desire to merge with reality. Sx's desire for passion, for intensity can be experienced through venues other than intimate relationships. It can be expressed through one's dedication to an idea or project or spiritual zeal, in ways that do not focus on other people.


The descriptions say person or object. Is this the kind of thing where I have no middle ground and seem addicted to a certain idea or thing, person and my attention is focused intensely on that?

-.- I find Sx to be somewhat very problematic. There are a lot of negative things that come with it.


----------



## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

bump! ~~


----------



## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

You buuuumped?

So/Sx here. 

So: I see myself through the wider groups I'm part of, I want to know where I stand and do so by knowing where others stand. Not being included is my driving fear. If you invite me to hang out I'll normally be suggesting we invite A and B and C etc as well to make it a group thing, because that for me is comfort. 

Sx: My Sx hits strongly in that I want to know and connect with people on a deeper level, I want to see their core, I have this compulsion to push people as deep as they can go and feel unsatisfied when I can't touch something raw enough, like something really important is lacking. I don't do this so well with strangers though, I need to get to know you on a surface level first and see if I could handle your depth, there are some kinds I can't ie negative people. In a group environment I love being able to peel off and focus one-on-one with people over the course of an evening, it's just that I can't stay there too long or it feels stifling. I need to come up for air by breaking that connection. I enjoy intensity, but it's well, intense.


----------

