# INTJ - Who would love us?



## dagnytaggart

INTJness is not a hindrance to romance!

Personally, I'm always being approached by guys, and of all the first dates I've been on, I've never NOT been asked for a second.

If anything, being an INTJ makes one MORE appealing to potential mates.

But I always end up with Te doms, ESTJs and ENTJs. I don't seem to attract mmany F's at all - but I seem to emit a very strongly T vibe, so if you're in touch with your Fi, you'll probably attract more F's than I do.

Actually, the only problem I have (which I'd imagine would be a common INTJ situation) is that I never have enough time for my guys, and I'm independent to the point where guys think (mistakenly) that I don't care for them. :/


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## Antichrist

Signify said:


> I think an INTP/INTJ relationship would be an interesting (and highly fulfilling one). Something tells me that you would have to be the one to do the original chasing, but once things got started, neither of you would ever be bored with one another.


Not at all. I've been in one and seen others. Failures. 



Get an NF. Those are what we need~


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## vanilla_dream

I love INTJs. 
Every time, I think of Carl Sagan. Isaac Newton. Vilayanura Ramachandran.
So many of your kind magnificently changed the world.
My knees feel weak with awe, fascination and inspiration.
I can only sigh with respect and amazement.
Your surface coldness, I can brush aside.


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## Master Mind

Why the self-hatred?

One can't find love if one doesn't consider one's self worthy of love.


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## Prion Indigo

vanilla_dream said:


> I love INTJs.
> Every time, I think of Carl Sagan. Isaac Newton. Vilayanura Ramachandran.
> So many of your kind magnificently changed the world.
> My knees feel weak with awe, fascination and inspiration.
> I can only sigh with respect and amazement.
> Your surface coldness, I can brush aside.


*swoons* 

Wow....hheeee....sigh...

An awesome.....ah, well *mumble mumble*


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## vanilla_dream

Prion Indigo said:


> *swoons*
> 
> Wow....hheeee....sigh...
> 
> An awesome.....ah, well *mumble mumble*


*laughs* :3


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## Yardiff Bey

Seren said:


> I'm an INTJ (quite obviously). I have been told that I have low self esteem, though I believe I am simply honest with myself. What type of person would love an INTJ? What person could? And what would they find attractive on the outside? I'm simply lost here. I guess my main question is, who could possibly love someone like me? I feel like it's impossible, since boys tend to hate on me, and since girls aren't usually bi, les, or pan.


By virtue of you being an INTJ, I have the feeling that you will not:

* be catty
* be obsessed with mindless television sitcoms and reality tv
* drool over shoes and clothing and hair ad-nauseum
* get shitty if some other girl should say "hello" to me

Thank goodness - some sanity!


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## INTJellectual

Who would love us? Of course ourselves! lol

I think the question would be? Who should we love?


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## INTJellectual

Yardiff Bey said:


> By virtue of you being an INTJ, I have the feeling that you will not:
> 
> * be catty
> * be obsessed with mindless television sitcoms and reality tv
> * drool over shoes and clothing and hair ad-nauseum
> * get shitty if some other girl should say "hello" to me
> 
> Thank goodness - some sanity!


*Checks all of the above


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## INTJellectual

dagnytaggart said:


> INTJness is not a hindrance to romance!
> 
> Personally, I'm always being approached by guys, and of all the first dates I've been on, I've never NOT been asked for a second.
> 
> If anything, being an INTJ makes one MORE appealing to potential mates.
> 
> But I always end up with Te doms, ESTJs and ENTJs. I don't seem to attract mmany F's at all - but I seem to emit a very strongly T vibe, so if you're in touch with your Fi, you'll probably attract more F's than I do.
> 
> Actually, the only problem I have (which I'd imagine would be a common INTJ situation) is that I never have enough time for my guys, and I'm independent to the point where guys think (mistakenly) that I don't care for them. :/


I'm with Te-dom ESTJ too. I think we like a more strong personality than us.


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## Playful Proxy

Antichrist said:


> Not at all. I've been in one and seen others. Failures.
> 
> 
> 
> Get an NF. Those are what we need~


 NFs would get too irritated by my occasional need to debate just for the raw sake of it. I really need to relate to people on intellectual grounds. I'm retarded emotionally.


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## Antichrist

Signify said:


> NFs would get too irritated by my occasional need to debate just for the raw sake of it. I really need to relate to people on intellectual grounds. I'm retarded emotionally.


Don't be presumptuous. Some NF's enjoy the intellectual pursuits and ideations. In fact, they can reveal and elaborate on your ideas in directions you'd never consider. And they'll help with emotional retardation; Its all about acceptance and reaching out.


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## Playful Proxy

Antichrist said:


> Don't be presumptuous. Some NF's enjoy the intellectual pursuits and ideations. In fact, they can reveal and elaborate on your ideas in directions you'd never consider. And they'll help with emotional retardation; Its all about acceptance and reaching out.


 While this may be true, all the NFJ's I have come across absolutely hate my need to debate. They consider that I am just 'trying to be right'. I really just want to have a little fun in the debate. Also, many SF's I have encountered have a preconceived view of how the individual should make them feel or it is an automatic shutdown. I do not possess that skill...so things never really hit off too well on that ground. Who knows, maybe I just suck at what I do.


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## dagnytaggart

INTJellectual said:


> I'm with Te-dom ESTJ too. I think we like a more strong personality than us.


I'd actually prefer a softer F-type SO. They don't seem to be much into me though, whereas the ESTJs, ENTJs and ESTPs will hunt me down.

@ yardiff bey

INTJs are often the opposite of the typical girlfriend. It actually bugged a few ESTJs I've dated that I didn't like romance movies or shoe shopping. Or that I wasn't possessive or obsessed with marriage, etc.


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## Napoleptic

Antichrist said:


> Get an NF. Those are what we need~


Speak for yourself.


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## Antichrist

Napoleptic said:


> Speak for yourself.












/hurhur I am too good for 'dem NF's.


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## Napoleptic

Antichrist said:


> /hurhur I am too good for 'dem NF's.


Who said anything about being too good for them? I just don't think MBTI accounts for all factors when it comes to compatibility.


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## Communism

I'm a male ENFP and madly in love with my INTJ. She's made me happier than I knew I could be. You'll find an ENFP/INFP someday


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## Prion Indigo

Napoleptic said:


> Speak for yourself.



OMG--WTF!! So many Snapes on a plane would make me....accio Snape!!


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## INTJellectual

dagnytaggart said:


> I'd actually prefer a softer F-type SO. They don't seem to be much into me though, whereas the ESTJs, ENTJs and ESTPs will hunt me down.
> 
> @ yardiff bey
> 
> INTJs are often the opposite of the typical girlfriend. It actually bugged a few ESTJs I've dated that I didn't like romance movies or shoe shopping. *Or that I wasn't possessive *or obsessedwith marriage, etc.


So, you are hunt down by bully types? lol jk

Romance movies and pocket books is the last on my list if there are no other good movies or good books to read. I'm not possessive either. Sometimes my partner would doubt if I love him. Most women get jealous if their partner is talking to some girls, and I myself is just indifferent by it.


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## BimboBarbie

OMG never realised INTJ's were crushable people till now..


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## lboogy85

I feel the same way. Not only am I an INxJ, I'm a black woman living in a world where black women are held in high regards especially not nerdy black women.


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## INTJellectual

BimboBarbie said:


> OMG never realised INTJ's were crushable people till now..


I'm never going to disagree :wink:

When I was in my teen I noticed that the guy who have crushes on me were all ESFP. One when I was fourteen, one when I was 16, one when I was 17-18, and one when I was 26. And one ISFP workmate just this year.

Those ESFP guys I think are very nice people. They courted me. It's just that, the problem was in me. They were trying to reach out to me but I was too unreachable. I was so distant, withdrawn, and living like a hermit. But if in case like they live beside our house or I see them everyday in a same place, I think friendship could've been established. I don't know why they had a crush on me since I'm not super beautiful. I think they find me mysterious. Maybe opposites attract.


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## BimboBarbie

INTJellectual said:


> It depends. It actually has a lot to do with self-esteem regardless of gender. If an INTJ has low self-esteem everything seems bleak. But once an INTJ starts to love himself or herself, then people notice, admire, mystified, and sometimes having a crush with an INTJ.


Lol i'm not really attracted to him... his cute though and confidence is a plus.


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## Dylio

I dated an INTJ once, big mistake  haha this was only one though, and I'm sure that not all of you are spoiled little rich kids with no comprehension of the real world.


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## pinkrasputin

Evergreen23 said:


> Forever alone cat ladies FTW.


Stop it! I just found out my brother's wife is an INTJ and we hung out yesterday. She is in no way a "cat lady". She is WAY cool. And she is beautiful. She's smart too. It takes a lot to put up with my family. Seriously. But at least she has perspective. 

And haha. I just asked my ENTP daughter if she saw a connection between my brother's INTJ wife and my ex INTJ boyfriend. She says, "Yeah. They are both put off by everything." See. I don't see that. Or I respect them for it, rather. I just take it that they have standards. And they will voice them. Their outsides are very much like my insides. So it's actually refreshing to have an INTJ around. They see things similar to me. 

In the case of my brother's wife, I really don't know her to be "awkward" at all. 



Prion Indigo said:


> Aww, thanks! But I am curious as to why.


Well see above. But I'll add what I tend to like about INTJ males. They give me the words for my thoughts. We are both outsiders. Don't let the extroversion fool you, I've felt like an outsider all my life. We can both sit back and observe the world together and discover our findings.

I hate to objectify your brains like this, but I do need to make it a mention. It's _very refreshing_ to be around someone who is smarter than me. There I said it. Except my INTJ ex never made it seem like he was smarter than me. He thought I was just as intelligent as him. So he is incredibly humble about his intelligence. One time me girlfriend was getting her doctorate in psychology and asked me if she could issue my INTJ ex an IQ test. He wasn't really into them but he did it as a favor for her. After he took the test, his results were the discussion in her class. He is just _bizarre._ Massive intelligence but huge delay times. Lol. I saw him take the 3 hour test, too. I remember him hating her. She was eating macaroni and texting while giving him the test. It pissed him off.

Anyway, it's nice to be around someone of such intelligence, who is humble about it, and who respects me and my brain. It's nice to be around someone who can use logic and have discussions during disagreements, rather than arguing or shouting. It's nice to be around someone I respect. I honestly think there have been many men I've dated that I haven't exactly respected like I do an INTJ. But an INTJ _can see me._ They can see all of me. Not just my body. Most men won't even tap into my brain. But an INTJ man will. I feel esteemed around them. And we can hang out a lot. My INTJ ex wanted to hang out with me all the time. We went on a trip together. The drive was 8 hours each way. I think I got the INTJ seal of approval when he told me after "You travel well." Lol.

EDIT: I also notice I make my brother's wife laugh A LOT. It's like non stop. I'll go up to her and say one thing and she busts up. It's nice. She likes my humor and I like an audience. :wink:


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## Curiously

@pinkrasputin, thank you for your post. I'm happy you and I have had good experiences with INTJs, male and female alike. I'm biased in that my sister and good gal pal are both stellar INTJs. My first boyfriend was an INTJ, and he never made me feel less-than even though he had superior brain power than I; he and I were equals and he treated me as such. He treated me with respect and lots of love and the sex was great. He loved my kookyness, and it was lovely to find out he felt very free around me. My sister and my good gal pal possess intelligence, grace, tolerance, sharp-ass wit like no other, and are also easy on the eyes. A good package all around if I do say so myself. Again, I love you INTJs. I am but one person, but I do appreciate you, or at least the ones I am blessed to know.


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## pinkrasputin

SillaSY said:


> I'm happy you and I have had good experiences with INTJs, male and female alike. I'm biased in that my sister and good gal pal are both stellar INTJs.


Wow. You're lucky. :sad:


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## Prion Indigo

pinkrasputin said:


> Stop it! I just found out my brother's wife is an INTJ and we hung out yesterday. She is in no way a "cat lady". She is WAY cool. And she is beautiful. She's smart too. It takes a lot to put up with my family. Seriously. But at least she has perspective.
> 
> And haha. I just asked my ENTP daughter if she saw a connection between my brother's INTJ wife and my ex INTJ boyfriend. She says, "Yeah. They are both put off by everything." See. I don't see that. Or I respect them for it, rather. I just take it that they have standards. And they will voice them. Their outsides are very much like my insides. So it's actually refreshing to have an INTJ around. They see things similar to me.
> 
> In the case of my brother's wife, I really don't know her to be "awkward" at all.
> 
> Well see above. But I'll add what I tend to like about INTJ males. They give me the words for my thoughts. We are both outsiders. Don't let the extroversion fool you, I've felt like an outsider all my life. We can both sit back and observe the world together and discover our findings.
> 
> I hate to objectify your brains like this, but I do need to make it a mention. It's _very refreshing_ to be around someone who is smarter than me. There I said it. Except my INTJ ex never made it seem like I he was smarter than me. He thought I was just as intelligent as him. So he is incredibly humble about his intelligence. One time me girlfriend was getting her doctorate in psychology and asked me if she could issue my INTJ ex an IQ test. He wasn't really into them but he did it as a favor for her. After he took the test, his results were the discussion in her class. He is just _bizarre._ Massive intelligence but huge delay times. Lol. I saw him take the 3 hour test, too. I remember him hating her. She was eating macaroni and texting while giving him the test. It pissed him off.
> 
> Anyway, it's nice to be around someone of such intelligence, who is humble about it, and who respects me and my brain. It's nice to be around someone who can use logic and have discussions during disagreements, rather than arguing or shouting. It's nice to be around someone I respect. I honestly think there have been many men I've dated that I haven't exactly respected like I do an INTJ. But an INTJ _can see me._ They can see all of me. Not just my body. Most men won't even tap into my brain. But an INTJ man will. I feel esteemed around them. And we can hang out a lot. My INTJ ex wanted to hang out with me all the time. We went on a trip together. The drive was 8 hours each way. I think I got the INTJ seal of approval when he told me after "You travel well." Lol.
> 
> EDIT: I also notice I make my brother's wife laugh A LOT. It's like non stop. I'll go up to her and say one thing and she busts up. It's nice. She likes my humor and I like an audience. :wink:


We are glad you like to explore our brains. I have a couple of INTJ guy friends. One of them is a theoretical physicist, brilliant (as well as attractive and good) man and he is one of the humblest people I know!


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## pinkrasputin

Prion Indigo said:


> We are glad you like to explore our brains. I have a couple of INTJ guy friends. One of them is a theoretical physicist, brilliant (as well as attractive and good) man and he is one of the humblest people I know!


Is he single and in California?


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## Curiously

pinkrasputin said:


> Wow. You're lucky. :sad:


Aw, no sad face, please. But yes, I am truly lucky. My sis is my best friend, and she is becoming even more impressive as we both mature. It's quite wondrous to actually see an individual bloom right before your eyes.


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## Prion Indigo

pinkrasputin said:


> Is he single and in California?


Ach, no. He's from India and lives in Germany.


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## Ramysa

I've found someone who would love you!! Read this:

http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-for...-lonley-please-say-hi-me-d-5.html#post2574889


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## Tristan427

@This entire thread


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## foamonthewaves

I recently stupidly screwed up a relationship with INTJ and well, you know, he helped screw it up, too. It was a mutual effort. It is very difficult to have relationships with INTJs because they frequently have a wall up, and types like INFPs (me) deal very, very, very badly with a constant wall. Since my experiences are my point of reference, I will use them. 

It's not that all of INFPs expect constant mushy, gushy, barfy, lovey dovey shit and constant declarations of undying love or some such nonsense, but we have what can be to INTJs an almost obnoxious need for verbal/active forms of reassurance. We also do not expect to know every single thought, feeling, or whatever that passes through the INTJs head, but if they are barely letting us in at all, we begin to wonder "why the hell did you pursue and bring me into this relationship anyway?" If we don't get the connection, some of us are so prone to fears of rejection/abandonment and have such self-esteem issues we turn into raging, self-absorbed wrecks. Neither the INFP or INTJ reactions are healthy. At all.

So, it's not that INTJs can't be loved. It's that they are difficult, and that most of the people to whom they are attracted and vice versa are difficult too, probably more so. Basically, don't sweat it. Just work on your shortcomings, and I am sure you know what those are. You don't need anybody to tell you.

P.S.: Basically, I loved the INTJ in my life, and wish I could fix it. Oh well.


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## SweetPickles

I love my INTJ husband


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## Raymond DiLuzio

I have an INTJ female acquaintance. I'm not emotional but she stole my heart. she is not as attractive as the girls i usually date but i don't care. It was very refreshing to meet someone like her.


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## Prion Indigo

Raymond DiLuzio said:


> I have an INTJ female acquaintance. I'm not emotional but she stole my heart. she is not as attractive as the girls i usually date but i don't care. It was very refreshing to meet someone like her.


Sweeeet! How did you meet?


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## Raymond DiLuzio

Prion Indigo said:


> Sweeeet! How did you meet?


I met her through my friends sister. I first met her i did think she was cute but when she started talking I fell for her in like 5mins (very rear for me being that im a "text book" INTP). Unfortunately she had been in a relationship for almost two years at the time (its been about a year that i'v known her). I don't wish it that they break up. I still want her in my life. I'm somewhat of a difficult person to date, so it's probly for the best that we stay friends for a wail. I'm comfortable with that.


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## lilgabiee

I am INFJ and I love INTJs so don't worry <3 .


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## deftonePassenger

INTJ's are really interesting people, when they open up to you. My answer is any fucking type, really. And being an INTP, I know how hard opening up is.


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## Fish Launcher

Love INTJs?









JK xD. How can I not? You guys are really fun people! _ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧._


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## Death Persuades

Seren said:


> I'm an INTJ (quite obviously). I have been told that I have low self esteem, though I believe I am simply honest with myself. What type of person would love an INTJ? What person could? And what would they find attractive on the outside? I'm simply lost here. I guess my main question is, who could possibly love someone like me? I feel like it's impossible, since boys tend to hate on me, and since girls aren't usually bi, les, or pan.


Well, your info says you're dating.. SO.. SOMEONE must like you.


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## Devrim

Just make sure your self honesty isn't tinged by your own inadequacies,
And views o yourself,
Those are about as distorted as it can get.

I love the INTJ's in my life,
And I am sure people do love you 

Maybe if you're not sure,
Or you don't feel you have a close bond to anyone,
You should try cultivate one,
As what I know of INTJ's,
They're such charming people when they get the right people! 

Best of luck!


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## TriggerHappy923

I would be interested in NT males, but usually guys don't like me back... so there is no point really. I see were you are, I'm in the same situation as you... I just noticed my post is quite unhelpful.


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## StaceofBass

Seren said:


> I'm an INTJ (quite obviously). I have been told that I have low self esteem, though I believe I am simply honest with myself. What type of person would love an INTJ? What person could? And what would they find attractive on the outside? I'm simply lost here. I guess my main question is, who could possibly love someone like me? I feel like it's impossible, since boys tend to hate on me, and since girls aren't usually bi, les, or pan.


I honestly find all of you INTJs adorable. You guys are great to talk to and also my favorite people to debate with.

:blushed:


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## SirZangief

Mature ISTP would be in love with an INTJ. INTJ are very smart/cunning and directive with their answer.

Forget the people telling you, "your not confident", everyone is confident and people do have flaws. 

I see the problem that maybe your in an emotion state(depress about something). 
ISTP have a tendency hold back our ego and confident and let those negative thoughts goes away. Maybe an INTJ does the same by holding them self back.


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## Mmmm

MelissaC said:


> I'm INTJ, and in full possession of a vagina.
> 
> I find that most men fall in love with the _idea_ of me, but then again, perhaps I'm only fond of the _idea_ of love anyway.
> 
> Also...there's no shortage of guys being fond of me. I just don't really like any of them.


I have the same problem. The guys that like me are not my type and the ones I like don't even know I'm alive.  I wish love could just be easy; boy likes girl, girl likes him back, end of story. Not so in real life, too many games. I desire simplicity!


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy

*slowly and awkwardly raises hand*


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## RetroVortex

I'd give it a shot! ;D


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## Feral sheep

i have nerdy interest and during discussions intjs know how to really take it into depth.


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## dream land fantasy

Seren said:


> I'm an INTJ (quite obviously). I have been told that I have low self esteem, though I believe I am simply honest with myself. What type of person would love an INTJ? What person could? And what would they find attractive on the outside? I'm simply lost here. I guess my main question is, who could possibly love someone like me? I feel like it's impossible, since boys tend to hate on me, and since girls aren't usually bi, les, or pan.


most of the girls whom i know like INTJs visit this pg-http://personalitycafe.com/gossip/140649-perc-intj-do-you-have-crush-one.html


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## Seranova

_While I do have my fondness for NF males(especially fellow INFJs), I do have such a thing for NT males, mainly INTJs. 
_


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## Death Persuades

Seranova said:


> _While I do have my fondness for NF males(especially fellow INFJs), I do have such a thing for NTs, mainly INTJs.
> _


I have been very fond of many INTJ females, as well... Except the rude ones. lol


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## petite libellule

Okay .. so I thought this was a troll thread initially because* the title .. really?

*Let's be real. Would you want to waste your time on someone who didn't think they deserved love?

LOT'S of people would love INTJ personality types.
You aren't really giving those people a chance feeling sorry for yourselves. 

This thread title is silly. I'm convinced you're trolling


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## SlowPoke68

INTJ's are basically traps for INFJ's and ENTP's, neither of whom can resist them.


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## Liga

Although it is hard, your personality traits aren´t engraved in stone. The knowledge of my personality type doesn´t make me act like an INTJ but shows me where I can improve myself and shape my personality to what I think are is the most desireable. I´m a long way from my goal but I taught myself to look people in the eye and smile within 2 months to show people that I do care and that i´m not as arrogant as I may seem.


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## Blickwinkel

I could see myself with an INTJ girl; its finding an available one that's the tricky part lol


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## smallpeas

Ningsta Kitty said:


> Let's be real. Would you want to waste your time on someone who didn't think they deserved love?
> 
> LOT'S of people would love INTJ personality types.
> You aren't really giving those people a chance feeling sorry for yourselves.
> 
> This thread title is silly. I'm convinced you're trolling


Probably not trolling so much as someone having a moment.
Pity partying, I agree, isn't going to bring the boys to the yard. But I'm guessing she wrote this during a bout of serious self-incrimination. It happens. To all of us. Doubt is only a problem if it's a state of mind rather than a passing question.

The OP says she doesn't believe herself to be low self-esteem, just realistic. I don't think this is about INTJs so much as about the OP, with framing of the question as about INTJs. Perhaps what she sees as off-putting in herself she ascribes to INTJness.

My INTJ self has personally never been a grass-is-greener type. Life's a challenge for everybody. And we all choose how we see things. And whether we take steps to achieve what we want.


*Would being some other (cognitive) type really make love easier? The kind of love you want? * 
How about even: would being extraverted make it easier than being introverted?
(If (generic) you/OP don't believe it would, then clearly you're touching on the wrong questions.)


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## petite libellule

@smallpeas awwwww ... Now I feel bad 
I didn't read the OP, and you're completely right!
ugh :/


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