# Dating Guys Who Are Dumber Than You (and waiting for them to get over themselves)



## alice144 (Dec 31, 2009)

I'm a smart chick, I always have been. I'm not a genius by any means, but intelligent enough that it causes problems. Like, I had to talk with bad grammar in school so the kids wouldn't think I was a snob.

So, I would never date someone who isn't very bright, because I would simply have nothing to say to them. There are guys who I have liked a lot a lot a lot who I would love to go out with, but there's no way because I have absolutely nothing to say to them. It's harsh, but they're not at my level.

So, this is the quandary: if I date smart guys, a lot of their ego is wrapped up in their intelligence and I have to spend time sidestepping that. So f***ing annoying. The dumb ones aren't obsessed with how smart they are, but in the end I feel like they will never understand where I'm coming from, especially when push comes to shove. Like, a failure to communicate.

I don't know, should I just keep looking until I find someone who is more secure in themselves?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

alice144 said:


> I'm a smart chick, I always have been. I'm not a genius by any means, but intelligent enough that it causes problems. Like, I had to talk with bad grammar in school so the kids wouldn't think I was a snob.
> 
> So, I would never date someone who isn't very bright, because I would simply have nothing to say to them. There are guys who I have liked a lot a lot a lot who I would love to go out with, but there's no way because I have absolutely nothing to say to them. It's harsh, but they're not at my level.
> 
> ...


Yes you should keep looking.

I find that men who really are intelligent _are_ very secure with themselves. They don't flaunt their intelligence. They don't have to. They are not pretentious and they don't feel the need to compete. They usually make me feel like I'm incredibly intelligent because they are not threatened. They'll do this even if they have more degrees than me and it's obvious to me that I'm lacking in a particular area. But they encourage growth in me and other individuals. Once again that stems from them not needing to feel that they are competing with others. Intelligent men are usually willing to share knowledge as well. They are strong in who they are. Intelligence is sexy. 

I'd say stay away from any insecure shallow person. And don't date men who are dumber than you. The relationship is off to a bad start if you already think that of them. And remember, the keys of success are being around people _better_ than you. As long as they don't make you feel that way :wink:


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

No, just give it up right away because you haven't found that perfect guy yet.


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## TeeJay (Mar 14, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Yes you should keep looking.
> 
> I find that men who really are intelligent _are_ very secure with themselves. They don't flaunt their intelligence. They don't have to. They are not pretentious and they don't feel the need to compete.


Hmm, not necessarily so. Intelligence does not imply emotional security. Gifted people for example tend to suffer from emotional _in_security.



> They usually make me feel like I'm incredibly intelligent because they are not threatened. They'll do this even if they have more degrees than me and it's obvious to me that I'm lacking in a particular area. But they encourage growth in me and other individuals. Once again that stems from them not needing to feel that they are competing with others. Intelligent men are usually willing to share knowledge as well. They are strong in who they are. Intelligence is sexy.


I think this is very true, given that the individual has discovered these things as qualities within himself. Please bear in mind that intelligent men may have had experiences similar to alice144's "need to talk with bad grammar" so that they may initially be hesitant to open up :happy: .


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Intelligent + humble = let me know if you actually find this unicorn.


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## sarek (May 20, 2010)

Its not so much a matter of intelligence as much as attitude. I am always looking for people with free, unfettered minds.


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## TeeJay (Mar 14, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> Intelligent + humble = let me know if you actually find this unicorn.


Tried the intelligent men in church yet :wink: ?


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

I can certainly empathize. Though If I needed to make a choice, I'd rather take the high IQ and high ego. Humility can be learned, and learned quickly, but intelligence I don't think so. Of course being an ENTJ woman doesn't help either. We aren't exactly the most humble and feminine of the types. :crazy:


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## TeeJay (Mar 14, 2010)

Dear Sigmund said:


> Humility can be learned, and learned quickly.


I highly doubt that...


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

Finding inteligent people is easy, as mentioned before, not all of them think they are gods gift to humanity. Just be patient and talk to people. 
If you want to find someone smart, try not looking in night bars hehe(well there are exceptions, don't kill me party people). 
I am not sure what level smart you are talking about either, give me an example please, im very curious.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

TeeJay said:


> Tried the intelligent men in church yet :wink: ?


Good point. That's about the only place I've seen them, though I've met one or two in my travels some business men and engineers -- pretty darn rare though.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

amanda32 said:


> Intelligent + humble = let me know if you actually find this unicorn.


I mostly find them in an academic environment but I've also found them elsewhere. I can't believe you find them rare. I have always had the hots for subversive professors. And yeah they are humble. Severe budget cuts usually keeps them and all of us in check. There emotional intelligence is rather high as well.

Also, the other runners I run with are all pretty intellectual and the have the humbleness as well because we kick our own asses all the time running insane distances. 

I would die dating a stupid man. It wouldn't last. I barely like a peer. A man who can teach me a thing or two is HOT.


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## TeeJay (Mar 14, 2010)

Hm, the both of you may want to give me a try :tongue: . (A bit of an oxymoron actually uttering it, I suppose you could just view it as an encouragement that such men exist :wink: ).

I might have an issue similar to the OP though. I'd like to meet a girl who's smart enough to follow and appreciate my train of thoughts and wild ideas and actually may have some of her own. All this together without losing any feminine charm or innocent girly-like cuteness :mellow: . Hm, now that I think of it, perhaps it's passion and dreams that so many women seem to lack, so I think this paragraph of my post may actually be considered off-topic, apologies to alice144 for that :wink: .


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## CrabHammer (Jun 18, 2010)

TeeJay said:


> Hm, the both of you may want to give me a try :tongue: . (A bit of an oxymoron actually uttering it, I suppose you could just view it as an encouragement that such men exist :wink: ).


I had a similar thought:crazy:

Humility is a catch-22. The moment you brag about it is the moment you lose it.


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## TeeJay (Mar 14, 2010)

L4NkYb said:


> I had a similar thought:crazy:
> 
> Humility is a catch-22. The moment you brag about it is the moment you lose it.


Care to know how awkward it felt hitting the post button :mellow: ?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

TeeJay said:


> Care to know how awkward it felt hitting the post button :mellow: ?


Relax. And some point we all need to learn to sell ourselves. Besides, I knew you were assessing the situation objectively. :wink:


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## CrabHammer (Jun 18, 2010)

TeeJay said:


> Care to know how awkward it felt hitting the post button :mellow: ?


Hah I think I know. Don't worry I was actually just agreeing with you on the whole humility thing. Also, I occasionally just like to make up proverbs.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

L4NkYb said:


> Hah I think I know. Don't worry I was actually just agreeing with you on the whole humility thing. Also, I occasionally just like to make up proverbs.


I find speaking in parables or using ostensive definition works best. :wink:


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## agokcen (Jan 3, 2010)

Most intelligent guys are going to be full of themselves, I'm afraid; the key is for you to make it clear that you're not going to put up with it and that they're no better than you. They can be normal human beings if you know how to deal with them! If you're intelligent enough already, it's pretty easy. Poke fun at them, deflate their ego a bit...and yet still make it clear that you care about them as people -- not as mere brains.

It's sort of a complex balance of ego-deflating in the area of intelligence and the like, and ego-inflating in the area of emotional and personal stuff...

Trust me, I deal with INTJs a lot. :tongue:


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## myjazz (Feb 17, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> Intelligent + humble = let me know if you actually find this unicorn.


If you can't find a unicorn will a good old fashion regular horse be okay?


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