# Clues to type in conversation - INTP/INTJ/INFP/INFJ



## cmouse79 (Jan 24, 2016)

Hey all!

I recently started dating someone and have been trying to figure out his type. He's pretty sure that he's an IN, but he can't decide on the other two letters, and he hasn't taken the assessment to find out. (I'm posting in the NT forum cause I lean towards him being a thinker, but I could be wrong)

1. Do you think there might be clues in conversation that could help me figure out his type? He's pretty quiet and it takes a lot to draw him out in conversation, so unfortunately, the info I have is limited so far.

2. Maybe I can ask some better questions? When we talked about the MBTI and I explained the difference between T and F, for instance, he just said they both sound like him. And I couldn't figure out how to ask him further questions without influencing his answers.

Would love to hear thoughts from people on what they think are some key conversational or behavioral differences they see in the above mentioned types.


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## Shrodingers drink (Nov 30, 2018)

I would focus on Fe vs Fi and Ne vs Ni, they are a lot easier to determine than F vs T preference.
I quite like these descriptors https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-pr...pe-read-this-an-intro-to-cognitive-functions/


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## cmouse79 (Jan 24, 2016)

I'm actually pretty well versed in the cognitive functions. I'm looking for more tangible signifiers in how to see that in person. By nature, Ni or Ti are internal functions. So if he's an INTJ or an INTP, I wouldn't necessarily see those primary functions. Particularly since he's a pretty quiet guy. 

So I guess my question is more what trends might you see in conversation or behavior to help you determine someone's type, or even recognize their dom or aux function?


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## lilysocks (Nov 7, 2012)

I'm intj, adult son is an intp. Some things that occur to me out of this duper limited experience set:

-i like conclusions, my son not so much. 

-we don't understand each other's intuitive leaps.

-but I can usually explain mine 

-in convo, I'm either not listening or I'm sorting and organizing. He's probably pondering. 

-i ask questions. He adds info.

-hes a different kind of funny from me. 

-im more socially judgey, but he's more socially amiable.

-i don't give a damn about real abstraction. I'm not sure how many damns he gives about the social kind.


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## Denature (Nov 6, 2015)

INTP - awkward af

INTJ - wants to analyze stuff

INFP - How are you doing?

INFJ - How'd you find one?


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## cmouse79 (Jan 24, 2016)

Denature said:


> INTP - awkward af
> 
> INTJ - wants to analyze stuff
> 
> ...


LOL. If he's an INFJ then he's the second one I've found. My ex-husband was one. I think they find me, as in, they seem to find an ENFP and follow them around like lost puppies.


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## secondpassing (Jan 13, 2018)

Out of the four: 
INFP- possibly most likely to propagate discussion Ne-Fi, possible attempts to find a connection, bounces around different topics or goes in deep on certain topics if connection is found, makes outward comments displaying insecurities , jokes about personal failings Fi-Te 

INFJ- eases into conversations Fe-Se, follows conversations, aware of the impact of what they say has on your feelings Ni-Fe, advises on what you should say Ni-Fe

INTJ- advises you on what to do Ni-Te, confidence in what they are talking about

INTP- least likely to start conversations, may not shut up if you bounce on a topic they like, makes jokes at someone else's expense (maybe like a dead baby joke?)

You could just browse the forums' thread and get a feel for how they all talk.


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## Emerging Eden (Nov 17, 2017)

*INFJ* - the endless idealist (usually socially inclined), won't think about realistic consequences as much as the INTJ --> sees the best possible outcome as the default (long term)

*INTJ* - the pessimist that calls themselves a realist --> sees the worst possible outcome as plausible/standard (long term), will see any bad shit coming ("I told you so")

*INTP* - has weird out of the blue conclusions that literally noone can follow or predict, mad geniuses --> no long term thinking. INTPs weird me out the most by far (no offense guys)

*INFP* - idealist that doesn't think about consequences. I honestly don't have much personal experience with this type. 

In GoT terms:
INTJ - Tywin Lannister
INFJ - Jon Snow (blind idealist)
INFP - Dany (she doesn't think shit through)
INTP - ehh noone?


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## cmouse79 (Jan 24, 2016)

Well, I've definitely narrowed it down to INFJ or INTJ. And I'm leaning INTJ.

As an ENFP it's pretty easy for me to spot Ne, and I don't think he's using it. He doesn't jump around in conversation like me. His speech is pretty deliberate. He takes his time to think before speaking. In fact, when I ask him a direct question, I have to be patient with the silence to give him time to respond. In early conversations he would ask a lot of questions or respond to things I said with "interesting" or "tell me more about that." 

As he's started to share his own story, he actually is making clear value statements (Fi). This has been particularly noticeable when he talks about his goals for his life, buying a house, travel.... He speaks about his likes and dislikes in those things. In fact, talking about our values has become the primary source of conversation. Some of that is because of the timing (we've been dating a couple months now) and some of that is I think we both have a strong Fi.


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## backpenther (Jul 30, 2015)

As I could determine so far, the most tangible element in someone's personality is the split between Fe and Fi. That is something you can even see in the faces, because Fi types show a mostly "cold" face, while Fe is very much visible in a much broader spectrum of facial expression. Just look at the INTJ death stare and there is a reason INTJs are seen as "cold" while ENFJs with prominent Fe are very much "likeable". 

If you can determine someone as intuitive you have
strong Fe: ENFJ-INFJ
medium Fe: ENTP-INTP
strong Fi: INFP-ENFP
weak Fi: INTJ-ENTJ

The most extreme person I met could only be ESFJ - everybodies darling with leading Fe.


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## cmouse79 (Jan 24, 2016)

Thanks for the advice everyone, but it's no longer necessary. After 2.5 months he determined he's not ready for a relationship and we parted ways. On good terms, so no hard feelings.


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