# Eating disgusts me.



## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Last month, I was at my heaviest due to the pill....130 lbs and 5'11 (female). For a performance, I was cast as a severe opium addict (this is for a smaaaall indie film that probably won't see light of day, not Hollywood, lol). So, I went on a diet to look thin. Only fruits, vegetables, salmon and a helping of oatmeal to help me fall asleep at night (tryptophan) and to avoid problems of carb deficiency. Enough calories and fats (avocado, olive oil, fish fats, etc). But just very clean, pure foods.

So I got to 119 lbs, and that was good enough. The filming was all of last week, so now I'm free to be normal again. 

The thing is, now I'm almost repulsed by the act of eating. I feel like a pig in a trough, at the mercy of some laughing farmer. Like an animal, some organism suckling on something, like some parasite that lacks strength of its own. It disgusts me. It's almost like I see it as some bottomless pleasure, that I've transcended. 

I eat only to maintain health and survive. But all my cravings I had during the beginning of the diet are totally gone. In fact, my desire for food is totally gone. The idea that I actually desired to eat for any reason other than to survive, grosses me out. 

Also, hate that I do this, but now I can't help but be disgusted at overweight people, particularly if I see them eating (unhealthfully). Even when I see anyone eating junk food, I'm thinking "why??" It's bad to be judgmental like this, I know. But I'm being honest about it.

It's nice to now have willpower over myself in that area, but now I'm only 112 lbs. I know that's too thin for someone 5'11, and it's tough to strike a balance between being healthy and not being a glutton.

Is it normal to go on a diet and come out of it totally disinterested in food? Should everyone be like this, eat to live rather than live to eat? Shouldn't food only be eaten to survive? It's a scarce and vital resource, why should it be used as a source of pleasure.

/explosionofemo

EDIT: It's not anorexia. I have no issue with my appearance (if anything, I realize I'm too thin), I don't fear calories or fat. I eat exactly what I have to in order to survive, and that's it.


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

this is all psychological, you need to eat a little more lady  trust me, the farmers are at your mercy too


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I can relate to a lot of this. Unfortunately I have no solution. I can remember even 15 or so years ago thinking the same, 'food disgusts me.' There are rare occasions where I have genuine hunger, or a craving for something, but usually I just feel turned off by the idea of eating.

As long as you are eating -enough-, I don't think its a problem. Try getting at least 1400 calories a day. I put your height and weight into a bmr calculator to see about what you need. And I know it sucks to force it, but you'll just keep getting thinner and feeling pretty loopy and crappy after a while if you don't eat. Been there many times. It can also cause brain damage, long term, if it keeps up.


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## ProfessorLiver (Mar 19, 2011)

I've never been repulsed by eating, but I've rarely eaten for pleasure, or to get full. 

I eat til I'm not hungry, and then I don't eat any more until I'm hungry again.

I don't think it's really a medical condition, and I'm healthy enough, weight-wise, but I just never saw the point in eating something just because. I think you've just not eaten a lot for a while, and you appetite has adjusted accordingly, thinking "SHITSHITSHIT, THERE IS NOTHING TO EAT".


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Promethea said:


> I can relate to a lot of this. Unfortunately I have no solution. I can remember even 15 or so years ago thinking the same, 'food disgusts me.' There are rare occasions where I have genuine hunger, or a craving for something, but usually I just feel turned off by the idea of eating.
> 
> As long as you are eating -enough-, I don't think its a problem. Try getting at least 1400 calories a day. I put your height and weight into a bmr calculator to see about what you need. And I know it sucks to force it, but you'll just keep getting thinner and feeling pretty loopy and crappy after a while if you don't eat. Been there many times. It can also cause brain damage, long term, if it keeps up.


I eat probably around 1800-2000; that's the result of eating the nutrients that bodes require. (I don't trust vitamin tablets to absorb completely).

Glad to know all this is normal though. I thought my tongue was broken or smth. How do you handle coments about people accusing you of anorexia, just because you're thin and don't pig out on unnecessary food just because "everyone else" does?


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Cover3 said:


> this is all psychological, you need to eat a little more lady  trust me, the farmers are at your mercy too


haha, all farmers (except corn/soy/wheat farmers) should be screaming my name in gratitude.  My diet's mostly fruits & veggies!


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## Pillow (Apr 17, 2011)

dagnytaggart said:


> Glad to know all this is normal though. I thought my tongue was broken or smth. How do you handle coments about people accusing you of anorexia, just because you're thin and don't pig out on unnecessary food just because "everyone else" does?


People used to tell me I was too skinny all the time, I just laughed it off and said something about having a small appetite. I don't feel disgusted by eating, I'm just kind of indifferent. Sometimes I'll get a craving, but other than that I wish I could just eat once a day. My mum used to be the same, but she got really hung up about people calling her 'Twiggy' when she was a teenager and ended up yo-yo dieting for the next 10-15 years. She didn't want me to go down that road so she always told me that as long as I wasn't ridiculously underweight I shouldn't worry.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Have you read into Celiac disease? It is very possible that you were eating foods that you had sensitivity to and didn't even know it until you went off of them. If you feel happier and healthier with the limited diet, there's a good chance that the reason is something you've eliminated, whether it's milk, wheat, meat or something else.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

hziegel said:


> Have you read into Celiac disease? It is very possible that you were eating foods that you had sensitivity to and didn't even know it until you went off of them. If you feel happier and healthier with the limited diet, there's a good chance that the reason is something you've eliminated, whether it's milk, wheat, meat or something else.


Nope, no celiac. I'm healthy as a horse. Just...a very finicky one now.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

dagnytaggart said:


> Nope, no celiac. I'm healthy as a horse. Just...a very finicky one now.


Well that's good. How much exercise do you normally get?


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

hziegel said:


> Well that's good. How much exercise do you normally get?


I take a 15 minute walk while I eat lunch during lunch breaks. I try to exercise more, but it's a hassle to find time to change in and out of workout clothes, and I can't exactly walk around in










Not professional. :wink:

I don't mean to probe or get too personal, but I thought you mentioned somewhere about having a condition that makes you underweight...? I might be thinking of someone else. I know I don't have hyperthyroidism or goiter. I think dieting just killed my tastebuds. :crying:


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

Being disgusted by food sounds a little concerning. What was your attitude towards food before and during the diet? 

I would suggest watching yourself. I have a history with eating disorders, and it's not about looks. A whole host of new attitudes towards food develops in the early stages; over focus, a growing contempt towards food, sensitivity towards your weight (being your 'heaviest' can be triggering). I'm not suggesting you are in the early stages of an eating disorder, but that being disgusted by food and the notion of gluttony shows some degree of control. There's a fine line between what's healthy and what's not, concerning moderate eating attitudes and behaviours (with the extremes it's more obvious)... do you find you can still enjoy food? are you strict with eating and have habits and routines you're uncomfortable breaking? how do you compare to healthy people you know? what's your eating and food habits been like throughout your life as far back as you can remember? if your answers to these questions are relatively the same as healthy people you know, and healthy standards in general, there probably isn't too much concern.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Oh, I don't have a condition that makes me underweight. I just have a really high metabolism and a small figure naturally. But I eat a ton and I'm healthy.

And I know you said that you're not anorexic (and I do believe you) but that picture certainly does objectify your body. The way you show off your sexual features, yet your head is turned away as if to dehumanize it... it seems very personal. This may be completely unrelated... but do you ever think of your body as being disgusting or unwanted? I've been there myself, just in case you're wondering. For a while I was so sick of people objectifying my body that I wore nothing but baggy old t-shirts and never brushed my hair. I thought that it was sick the way people stared at me, and sometimes that made me feel like my own body was somehow also wrong.

Anyway, I hope you don't take offense if I am way off the mark. What I was saying about the exercise is that it can boost your appetite considerably if you do aerobic exercise for an hour a day, so you could try that and see how it works. The only time I've ever been able to gain weight was when I was exercising like 4 hours a day for two months.


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## DarkyNWO (Mar 21, 2011)

I would not suggest you only eating veggies and fruit. Your body needs protein to function properly, to rebuild muscle mass and such things. Also your brain needs it to function at it's highest. Also don't forget the omega fats found in fish for example. Or calcium found in milk and dairy products that helps your skeleton.

Basicly you will miss out on a ton of important stuff if you only eat that, even how much the media will have you hyped over how good they are( and they are, I'm not saying different.) But only eating them will be a bit much. =)


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## benfoldsfive dude (Nov 24, 2009)

*@dagnytaggart*


> The thing is, now I'm almost repulsed by the act of eating. I feel like a pig in a trough, at the mercy of some laughing farmer. Like an animal, some organism suckling on something, like some parasite that lacks strength of its own. It disgusts me. It's almost like I see it as some bottomless pleasure, that I've transcended.


I know that when I go for days without working out, I feel like my stomach gets bigger. I used to not feel that way until I lost a lot of weight in the past months. When I work out, I know that I don't want to eat for hours, but I know I need to in order to be healthy. 



> ...But all my cravings I had during the beginning of the diet are totally gone.


That always happen when you get on a diet and/or start to work out on a routine.
In fact, my desire for food is totally gone. The idea that I actually desired to eat for any reason other than to survive, grosses me out. 



> Also, hate that I do this, but now I can't help but be disgusted at overweight people, particularly if I see them eating (unhealthfully). Even when I see anyone eating junk food, I'm thinking "why??" It's bad to be judgmental like this, I know. But I'm being honest about it.


I know what you mean. However, I feel very sorry for obese people who want to take the weight off because losing weight makes you feel so much better.



> Is it normal to go on a diet and come out of it totally disinterested in food?


From my experience, no. You can't be disinterested in food. However, everyone's brains are wired differently from each other. 




> EDIT: It's not anorexia. I have no issue with my appearance (if anything, I realize I'm too thin), I don't fear calories or fat. I eat exactly what I have to in order to survive, and that's it.


As long as you are eating food that keeps you healthy, then you are fine. But, just be careful.


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## umm (Sep 3, 2011)

how long did it take till you didnt want to eat anymore?


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

^ About a month.

EDIT: nm, looks like you've been banned


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## Double (Jul 21, 2011)

I went through a similar situation when I first went vegetarian. Food still doesn't really "do it" for me like it used to. My personal theory is that it's just a matter of losing the psychological addiction to food. Most people don't actually taste the items they are eating, but all the crap put in it, shaken onto it, or the American way - slathered all over it. Regardless, you can subsist just fine from 1500 daily calories if they are balanced calories. It is not optimal, but certainly doable. It is also important to keep in mind that our bodies still function relatively individually too. Most people have no clue how their body reacts to food, diet, or weight changes; it is pure ignorance. I don't see the harm in playing with your food, so to speak, until you find homeostasis.

You might find FitDay - Free Weight Loss and Diet Journal useful. You can mark everything you eat during the day and it will list you the calories and nutritional facts altogether. At least do it for a week with your typical diet to make sure things are peachy.


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## SigurdBlake (Aug 12, 2011)

At the very least, start liking chocolate again :]

I'm also on a diet right now, and I find that I'm starting to get used to idea of eating only what I need. I've always loved food however, especially delicious creatively assembled food. And thus my diet feels like a total test of will power. 

I'm thinking it's perfectly fine that you're not interested in food as long as your daily requirement is fulfilled, but do heed my advice about the chocolate :d


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