# Afraid to make changes



## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm retired on a small pension, and am in mostly good health.

10 years ago I moved to a beautiful island with decent people and the best weather in Canada (i.e., barely tolerable).

On the downside, the rental situation here is dismal. Currently I pay too much for a rented room, with all the annoyances (and Covid dangers) of sharing a kitchen and bathroom. I also pay for a storage locker. I used to have friends and a social life, but not any more; I guess this is by choice.

I love it here, but I feel I've reached the end of the line and I need a change. I also feel that my current lifestyle will become too difficult as I age into my 70s and beyond.

I've researched other towns across the country. Most are too expensive and/or vacancy rates are very low, or the place is inappropriate for me for some reason.

There is one possibility. A semi-isolated but fully functional small town with decent apartments for rent, at less than I'm paying for my room. However, it's quite far north and it will be cold and dark for much of the year. It's several days away by car, so I can't check it out in person before committing.

Although I've been an adventurous person most of my life, I'm afraid to make this leap. What if I leave my current life behind and can't deal with the challenges of the new place? What if apartments aren't as easy to come by as they seem? What about other problems that I haven't even thought of? And I could have car trouble on the way there, etc., etc.

20 years ago I had an internet friend in that town. I did meet her and her husband once when they were traveling, but then we lost touch. I can't find any trace of her online now. She would be in her 70s, and I don't know whether she's even alive. I did find her husband's professional contact info online.

I'd like to contact my former friend or her husband to do a reality check, but I don't know whether it would be appropriate. Help!

Edit: I had planned to move to a cheap, warm country for part of the year, but that doesn't seem realistic now. Travel is difficult, and too many countries have changed their policies.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

I think you should consider a flat with an elevator and a balcony with a great view, not too fare in walking distance from the buss and shops, and it must be easy to clean, the electricity must be cheap. If you want a garden you could choose the first floor but if you like the view maybe choose one a bit higher up, not too much in case the elevator should stop working and youd have to walk. I'd make sure the tiles on the floors are not too slippery if there are a lot of them and you have to cross over them daily. Huge windows brings more light in. I'd try to get hold of theneighbours I think and ask them what its like to live there, is it noicy, smelly, are they using drugs, are anyone very hit on you, etc.Have you considerd to move down south to America or Latin America for the sake of the climate? Me being from Europe; I don't know if this is a logical option for you...when you get older maybe you could use one of those alarms in case you fall, that calls the emergency number? When it comes to social contact I think you could try to join a club where there are people present that you think you could get along with, or a corse of some sort? I'd carefully try to find things you have in common with the people youd like to get in touch with and carefully read the body language, facial expressions, choise if words, to try to look for hints if they want to eastablish a friendship too. Ask them on a text messege now and again how they are, and maybe if they'd like to go to a cafe and have a coffee now and again, take them to the pub or buy them lunch, and tell them often that you care about them  When it comes to your old friend it might just be that they are busy. You seem very plesent, polite and funny to talk to, so I think she probably appreciate having a friend like you, so I think you just send her a text if you get hold of her again, or a mail. If she doesn't reply; at least you've tried. Insteresting enough I have also seen that you can find friends on dating sides (not just dates), so maybe that could be an option? Most importantly, be were other people are, I think. I wish you the best of luck!! Remember that the new place could be the place of you dreams


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I think it would be fine to contact your friend or her husband. I've had friends look me up like that and I never had a problem with it--it happens you fall out of touch sometimes.

But the contact info might be out of date so it also might not work. IMO it's worth a try.

This is not entirely related to your plan, but what about senior housing up there? Where I live, there are communities that are for senior citizens, though you usually have to apply. But perhaps the culture would be more comfortable--like with COVID you would have people being more thoughtful than perhaps some younger people are. Are there any places like that?


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

I think firstly do what you can to try to contact your old friend and that could help to get some more information for you. I think you just need enough information and then you'll be able to make your decision. Or else you could just go but you would need a back-up plan I suppose. I personally like sunshine and don't know how I would go in a cold, dark climate, and yet I also think humans are adjustable. If others are surviving then you probably can too. Every place has pros and cons, so you would need to focus on the pros (e.g. practically suitable for retirement).

You do need to plan for the future. If your current situation will be impossible in the not too distant future then move while it's easier if the place you are moving to seems more suitable for your situation. However it would be awful to make the move and then realise that it is less suitable. I'm sure you have a very good reason, but if at all possible it would be good if you could take a holiday and stay for a few days - maybe it would be worth it just for the peace of mind and so you know you are making the right decision? Or perhaps your friend can help, although going by someone's advice over seeing it for yourself might not be the best , I don't know.

Are there any other places with slightly better weather and a suitable location? Perhaps do more research and you might find something. It would also be nice to have a friend where you are going so maybe that makes it the best choice, however you should aim to be happy with or without her wherever you are going.


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## txstats (Mar 20, 2016)

It should be okay to reach out to old friends. If someone from my past were to reach out to me and possibly move to the town I live in, I’d be very excited about hearing from them and about the news. 

As previous poster said, have you looked into senior housing where you are now? Would that be a possibility? How about negotiating the rent in exchange for some light housekeeping duties (e.g., cleaning the kitchen)? 

Change is scary, and research suggests that darkness can also take its toll on mental health. I think that's something that needs to be considered about the current option. Visiting it for a few days or weeks would also be wise before committing to the move. Maybe you can discuss this with your old friend to get his inputs also. 

I also believe that most of the time, it’ll be a trade off. There will always be things you like and things you don’t like, and you need to decide what’s acceptable and what’s not. 

Good luck!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## attic (May 20, 2012)

I have gotten the feeling from your previous posts that you don't need that much amenities, if that is correct, then perhaps what about some kind of trailer/house of wheels variety? I don't mean to build a tiny house(which seems wonderful, but takes time and money), but just buy an old cheaper housecar or something? you can use it on the drive to where you will live and if not liking it can take it along somewhere else. Just need to find a piece of plot where you can put it, and that way you have somewhere to live while looking for some good place to rent, so it is not so much of a hurry. If going now soon you have all summer before it gets colder and one might want a more insulated place with more space to move as not being out as much.


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

I agree with the others that contacting your friend should be fine. Most people are happy being able to help someone and you're not asking for much.

I have no idea how housing works in Canada, so I have nothing to add there. I do wish you good luck in your search.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Thank you, @Electra , @WickerDeer , @Bella2016 , @txstats , @attic , and @Pifanjr (and the PerCmate who sent me a private message) for your suggestions and kind wishes. You've given me a lot to think about!

Seniors housing and van life are possibilities. So is Latin America (part-time).

Other than the area where I live now (with its difficult rental situation), all of Canada has bad weather. One good thing about the northern town I'm considering, is that it is relatively sunny. The apartment ads provide photos and other details, and they seem appropriate for someone like me.

I did more searching, and it appears that my friend and her husband now live elsewhere. However, I will write and ask them what they think. In any community, there are some things that only an insider will know.

I've had several setbacks over the past few years, including pension problems and having my travel plans canceled by Covid. I think I'm just feeling generally discouraged. If I pursue some of these suggestions, I'm sure the future will begin to look brighter.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

Please keep us updated! 🙂👍


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