# I'm stuck and I think my personality is keeping me from being taken seriously?



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Well work and career wise,


I am just making this because I've had some issues with getting taken the right way or with people giving me a chance, and I don't think many employees or jobs really want somebody like me, despite any ability I may have.

I think I can or am to a degree (when i want to be..) a fairly efficient employee, but I think my personality always gets in the way for people wanting me to be a part of work environment.

The problem is, inherently bad, but I find that something about my mannerisms and nature put a lot of people off in most places. And also, I had at times just a different way of doing things, which again, doesn't effect my ability to perform or get things done, but just the way I seem on the outset seems or generally is considered "wrong" by the fact that I'm different?

Is there anything I can do about this? 

I have never really been a career-ist, at least through most of my life so far, and that seems to be taken by others in that I have no ambition at all or am completely lazy and do not care, am not a 'contributor' and all of this stuff. 

I can't help but think that most of it is because...I'm a "liberal" sort of? and to most it seems that equates=just bad all together it seems?

is there not any kind of protective status I can look into getting or a way to get certain employees to take me seriously...? I'm mentioned this to others and of course again, they just blow me off or ignore me saying all of that. It seems as though most of what I think and say just falls on deaf ears time and time again, and yet meanwhile everyone stereotypes me as being "lazy" and "no good" and yet there seems to be no way to really prove myself to anyone, either? 

Why does no one care? and again, someone will just say "WELL DON'T DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT YOURSELF!!?? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!" But again, isn't that what I'm looking into? if it's just as simple as "doing" then what is it I need to "do" ?

You can't just make money out of air. 

I get this sense that, everyone would rather just have me die?


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

I think it's pretty unfair, and does again not have anything to do with performance levels, but again I have some "nervous ticks" that I sometimes do, but nothing really seriously, and could easily be looked off as "quirks" but yet, I am just continually reprimanded and suddenly stereotyped, judged liked I am just this...HORRIBLE person.

Some things

I am just quiet, overall, and not super talkative, I do not have regular or run-of-the mill hobbies I guess; I enjoy living a fairly simple life, and most of my hobbies sort of fall into typical introverted intuitive ones.

I sometimes day dream, or stare off monetarily when I'm doing things, but always with some degree of awareness with what is going no and what I am doing, but a lot of people seem to outright seem to view this as some complete and outright unacceptable mental problem?

I am energetic, and...people think I am on drugs or something instead, or to account for my energy levels. (I do not thnk they are that extreme, but make more sense of this, I am quite physically healthy) 

And yeah, I'm animated. Me being animated bothers people and they think it's because I am like "on drugs" as well, and I think in an sort of abstract way, or that, when I am speaking some of the things I say come out in an "abstract" and "dreamy" manner, but it's dififuclt to help.


All in all, i am practically a stereotypical INFP, so...uh...do INFP's always get treated this way? i don't get it, it's just the way I am. Oh and some places, get really offended or uncomfortable around me because they think I am gay, and like, wtf, why is everyone still so homophobic? 

Just...yeah. 

No one will give me a chance.

I can't just go and completely change who I am as a person. 

Would it better to just get a job with little to no social interaction? it seems like everyone job I have had with people does not turn out well, and I am always on the short end of the stick of being horrendously judged or stereotyped in some terrible way. 

I actually read the biography of a famous INFP (Jeff Buckley) and he had the similar problem I think with work, until he became a famous musician. He just eventually worked a night job, where he hardly interacted with people, and even when he did, there wasn't the normal day-today pressure I imagine and nobody would have thought him out of the ordinary. I read a biography of Kurt Cobain as well, and I get the sense he had similar problems.


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

I think I have a similar personality or mannerisms to them..?
I really wonder how they managed, as I cannot seem to get most people to take me seriously half of the time. I just mean they speak about idea more then actions and day to day things that they "do" and they all are a little animated and speak with their hands a lot and are energetic, and 'airy' I guess.

I have had some people be nice and hire me, but it has been a bit more rare, and honestly I kind of self sabotaged myself on the jobs...lol. *sigh* I will not...cause a huge fight/debate with someone this time. 

* *


----------



## JayDubs (Sep 1, 2009)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> I can't help but think that most of it is because...I'm a "liberal" sort of? and to most it seems that equates=just bad all together it seems?


How do employers and coworkers even find out about your political leanings? Politics, religion, sex, and any other even remotely controversial topic should be avoided until you know them well enough to predict how they will react.


----------



## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

Hi there, I guess that I can relate to the part of sometimes not being taken seriously by others or even being ignored in some instances, due to my lack of social charisma and the way I express/talk not being very good at catching people's attention. Nervous ticks too. What I do is to try to observe as much as I can and learn from others how people usually interact, what catches their attention better and what I migt be doing wrong. For example, I've noticed that I might need to raise my voice as it can be a bit low, I also need to be more confident and clear/objective, without prolonging on phrases too much. Usually when we prolong too much by using too much words and bring less direct, people's attention span is lost. Same with lack of confidence or relevant content in the speech.
Learning about story telling can help a lot, usually eloquent charismatic people are good at this.
As for ticks, you might want to avoid energy drinks like coffee.

I'm not sure what are your specific weak points (the posts might need to be more objective), but actually more people are not good at social skills than we think. It's just we tend to focus too much on ourselves and how we do so we don't notice other people's weaknesses as much. Sometimes I notice how others get interrupted, their jokes fallen to deaf ears as it was not funny, people's attention lost when some speaks and so on. People who truly are eloquent and get everyone's interest and attention are rare.

If you feel that aside of expression style, your way of being (relaxed/different/daydreaming/not ambitious as well as too energetic in interactions?) is also giving a less positive impression then:
- how different is your individuality compared to your workplace's culture and other people's individuality?
- what makes them perceive your traits negatively?
- it a matter of misfit of your individuality in this particular company? Did it happen in other places, or do you think it can happen in other places?


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

JayDubs said:


> How do employers and coworkers even find out about your political leanings? Politics, religion, sex, and any other even remotely controversial topic should be avoided until you know them well enough to predict how they will react.


I just meant that loosely and in a vague sense, and not all too much political. 

I just meant because, I am not materialistic, I do not care about The Gross National Product, climbing a ladder, being conventionally successful and business. 

It makes a lot of people think I am a bad person. How else would I define this? "free-spirit"?

"non-traditional" ? I would, but it often doesn't seem to be enough and thus it makes me recieve only further to be reprimanded and criticism.


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

AriesLilith said:


> Hi there, I guess that I can relate to the part of sometimes not being taken seriously by others or even being ignored in some instances, due to my lack of social charisma and the way I express/talk not being very good at catching people's attention. Nervous ticks too. What I do is to try to observe as much as I can and learn from others how people usually interact, what catches their attention better and what I migt be doing wrong. For example, I've noticed that I might need to raise my voice as it can be a bit low, I also need to be more confident and clear/objective, without prolonging on phrases too much. Usually when we prolong too much by using too much words and bring less direct, people's attention span is lost. Same with lack of confidence or relevant content in the speech.
> Learning about story telling can help a lot, usually eloquent charismatic people are good at this.
> As for ticks, you might want to avoid energy drinks like coffee.
> 
> ...


Yes, I imagine so, it just seems like most companies expect or want to be cookie-cutter.

I think outside of specific fields, all regular or normal jobs kind of expect this, It seems like? they people who hire you have always seemed a bit biased to me as well, and...yeah, I don't know. 

It's almost like I might as well just halt even having a freaking job and just go to school for something, as it's obviously so unacceptable to be who I am in most places, even though I know there are some companies that accept people like be more often, most of them require a degree of some sort. 

But then that would take X years, and I can't really wait that long. 

So wtf?


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Did I write too much, or did something I say offend somebody?

Everyone expects me to just get on with it and act more like a regular or normal person, don't they? 
*sigh*
It may sound extreme to others, and is hard to fathom how somebody could be "so different" as to not be favored or chosen for a job simply because of how they are, but I do not think it's really that all that out of the range of the ordinary. 

I think that most places expect outright traits like:

Extroversion-talkative, social, a part of the group.

Se-(or maybe just sensing) they expect you to always be alert and completely in the present at all moments, wide eyed and bushy tails, or people will start to expect that something is wrong with you, or you are slow/stupid.

Fe-Warm, friendly, really good at the social customs and norms in the environment, always know your P's, Q's and always smile. 


I guess my only hope is just to find some place to hide myself away in practically, as I don't think there are many places that would want me at this point, anymore. 
I am not a bright glowing bastion or star that simply only serves to make every one question themselves or their place in life too much, as though it would raise suspicion. I don't think that society or most people like or accept INFP's.


----------



## JayDubs (Sep 1, 2009)

Most people don't just naturally fit in either. But we learn to. We develop social filters, since our thoughts and feelings aren't always appropriate to the given situation. This is especially the case in a professional setting. 

Is the issue that you are unable to figure out what is appropriate? Or that you don't want to do it? Or something else? It's difficult to evaluate this sort of thing over the computer.


----------



## lizw47 (Jan 12, 2015)

You're speaking in a lot of vague terms so it's difficult for us to understand what you might be doing that your coworkers might be frustrated with. Could you be more specific?


----------



## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> I actually read the biography of a famous INFP (Jeff Buckley) and he had the similar problem I think with work, until he became a famous musician. He just eventually worked a night job, where he hardly interacted with people, and even when he did, there wasn't the normal day-today pressure I imagine and nobody would have thought him out of the ordinary. I read a biography of Kurt Cobain as well, and I get the sense he had similar problems.





Meteoric Shadows said:


> I think I have a similar personality or mannerisms to them..?
> I really wonder how they managed, as I cannot seem to get most people to take me seriously half of the time. I just mean they speak about idea more then actions and day to day things that they "do" and they all are a little animated and speak with their hands a lot and are energetic, and 'airy' I guess.
> 
> I have had some people be nice and hire me, but it has been a bit more rare, and honestly I kind of self sabotaged myself on the jobs...lol. *sigh* I will not...cause a huge fight/debate with someone this time.
> ...


None of them are INFPs, they are INFJs. If you are similar to them, it's possible you're an INFJ too. But we can't be sure about it without you submitting your video to Pod'Lair for reading.

If you're an INFJ, your problem is that what zombies expect is Te/Si and that's your super polar.
You may have trouble fitting in because Ni has a negative traits of maladaptive, obsessive and egomania.
The distinct signal of Ni is dissatisfaction, and you seem to be quite dissatisfied all the time.

Fe can also have negative traits of volatile and clannish.


----------



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar said:


> None of them are INFPs, they are INFJs. If you are similar to them, it's possible you're an INFJ too. But we can't be sure about it without you submitting your video to Pod'Lair for reading.
> 
> If you're an INFJ, your problem is that what zombies expect is Te/Si and that's your super polar.
> You may have trouble fitting in because Ni has a negative traits of maladaptive, obsessive and egomania.
> ...


Wtf, INFJ by socionics or mbti? I think you have a mixed up view no what INFJ's and INFP's are. Anyway, it had nothing oringally to do with type, I was just using it as an example (even though it's probably pointless) *sigh*

Jeff Buckley and Tim Burton were INFPs and Grimes is an ENFP.


----------



## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> Wtf, INFJ by socionics or mbti? I think you have a mixed up view no what INFJ's and INFP's are. Anyway, it had nothing oringally to do with type, I was just using it as an example (even though it's probably pointless) *sigh*


Pod'Lair. But Pod'Lair Mojos are correlated with MBTI types. The same with powers and functions. In opposition to Socionics which are completely different.

MBTI has no tools for reliably typing people. It's all subjective on many levels. There are often even problems understanding context of behaviour that is used for typing.

Pod'Lair just reads objective physiological cues. And actually allows reading which functions are used at a given moment.
Ni can easily get confused with Fi, if you don't know that Fi includes unaware emoting/eye drift when disengaging to the right, while Ni includes eye drift when disengaging to the left. 

Here is a post where I use Pod'Lair knowledge to debunk a celebrity types video about "Fe" vs. "Fi" where they misinterpret what's going on screen, confuse ENFP with INFJ and INFJ with INFP and Fi with Ni. Additionally they show they can't even understand what a person is saying.



Meteoric Shadows said:


> Jeff Buckley and Tim Burton were INFPs and Grimes is an ENFP.


All of them are INFJs.


----------



## Engelsstaub (Apr 8, 2016)

Maybe I omitted it inadvertently, but I have not found one of the most important things here: what kind of job/position have you tried to apply to? 



Meteoric Shadows said:


> I have never really been a career-ist, at least through most of my life so far, and that seems to be taken by others in that I have no ambition at all or am completely lazy and do not care, am not a 'contributor' and all of this stuff.


How does it go in the way? What exactly do they notice "wrong" about you?


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

FWIW, I put on my ESTJ face at work. It's not letting go of who I am fundamentally, but it's honing myself to the job I am expected to do. I too am quiet overall and a lot of my free time is spent on PerC or watching anime or reading webcomics - not exactly things the average person at work would think are normal. I just don't share those things. If people ask me what I spend my time doing, I tell them about the other things I do, or things I've done in the past. 



> I sometimes day dream, or stare off monetarily when I'm doing things, but always with some degree of awareness with what is going no and what I am doing, but a lot of people seem to outright seem to view this as some complete and outright unacceptable mental problem?


Yeah, people aren't generally going to like that at work, because it looks like you're not engaged. If another person is working hard, and they see someone seeming to daydream or stare into space, it's probably going to make them feel angry because it seems like you're not pulling your weight and jealous because they'd probably prefer to be relaxing, too. 



> I am energetic, and...people think I am on drugs or something instead, or to account for my energy levels. (I do not thnk they are that extreme, but make more sense of this, I am quite physically healthy)
> 
> And yeah, I'm animated. Me being animated bothers people and they think it's because I am like "on drugs" as well, and I think in an sort of abstract way, or that, when I am speaking some of the things I say come out in an "abstract" and "dreamy" manner, but it's dififuclt to help.


It may also be the contrast between quiet/animated. I would just try to let this one go. It doesn't seem like a major problem.



> All in all, i am practically a stereotypical INFP, so...uh...do INFP's always get treated this way? i don't get it, it's just the way I am.


Yes and no. _Everyone_ actually gets treated this way. Any way in which any individual deviates from average or the expected norm is going to be met with some degree of resistance - even high-Se, high-Te, and high-Fe people encounter this. Sometimes it can feel especially hard to be an INFP, but the truth is that it can be hard to be an ISTJ or ESFJ or ESFP at times, too - the workplace is typically too disorganized and illogical for ISTJ, too unreasonable and inconsiderate for ESFJ, too rulebound and stuck in its ways for ESFP. 

That said, some people have an easier time putting on "gloss" and/or adapting to be able to deal with the work environment more easily. Enneagram 3s tend to be great at this. If you have a 3 wing, maybe you can work on engaging it more. As a general rule, it pays to be positive, to be supportive, to be friendly but not emotionally intense, to be even-keeled and reasonable, and to be reliable. On the downside, that sounds like an ESxJ hybrid, but on the bright side, an INFP should have some of those qualities already. You are probably idealistic, which can be spun into positive. You are probably naturally emotionally supportive and friendly. You are probably inherently reasonable. You may have to work on matching others' emotional presentation and dependability.

IMO as an INFP and with no e3 influence I'm never going to be great at glossing myself over or putting on a good performance. The best I can do is tap into my natural idealism, my natural people skills, and my natural holistic perspective and try to apply those to good use. I've not risen up in companies without any effort, but I've had 3 promotions at my current job thanks to working hard, working reliably, and getting up the courage to go to my supervisors and tell them I desire and feel like I can handle more. That said, I feel like I'm not a great fit at my workplace, and I feel like I've been a better fit at other organizations (even though I like my current job duties more), so I think there's something to be said for figuring out what sort of workplace/sector is especially amenable to the type of person you are. I have an uncle who is not really comfortable around people and a night job works well for him; my ESFJ e2 mom works for the school system; my INTP e6 dad is in medicine, and so on.


----------



## INFPsyche (Nov 13, 2014)

I don't know what you do for a living but maybe getting into a line of work where your type is more prevalent would be a good idea or try to work for a corporation or cause in the line of work that you already do that includes more infp/free thinkers. Try networking with like minded people..

I don't know if you're looking to fit in.. looking for tips to get taken seriously or maybe just looking for peoples opinions on it all..

The professional world sucks. We all know that.. Competitive money hungry scoundrels who have lost a lot of what we would call 'real personality' and become corporate robots and a slave to the game. There's no reason to change YOURSELF. Like i said, maybe try changing your line of work (if ever so slightly) or the people you work with if at all possible. Maybe you just somehow need a different angle??..


----------

