# How can I deal with being a bad person?



## Twelve (Jul 23, 2016)

Hi! 

I don't know where I should start but basically I grew up quite overthinking, with low self-esteem and big tedancy to depression and anxiety. Like two years from now I decided to fake confidence till I make it to the point where I basically decided to ignore criticism, shamefull moments, ... and to stop overthinking with the intention to grow.

But now I'm having a huge mental break down because everything coming back to my mind. I've basically been very full of myself and self centred since I decided to stop overthinking. For what I remember I've been mostly talking about myself a looot and everyone got very pissed at me but I barely remember.

1. How is it possible that I just ignored so many bad reactions to me for so long? 
2. How can I make it up? It's not like I've done something to someone in particular, I've just been an ass to mostly everyone.
3. How can I stop to feel so guilt or at least try to move on? Because I feel like I'm starting to get a severe depression.

I've always thought that I wasn't good but at least I wasn't evil. Now I feel like I don't even have that left. 


Thanks for your help


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## Night At The Opera (Jul 23, 2016)

Twelve said:


> 1. How is it possible that I just ignored so many bad reactions to me for so long?
> 2. How can I make it up? It's not like I've done something to someone in particular, I've just been an ass to mostly everyone.
> 3. How can I stop to feel so guilt or at least try to move on? Because I feel like I'm starting to get a severe depression.


1. It's called repression and denial.
2. You can't. The only thing you can do is change your behavior moving forward.
3. Let me know when you figure that one out.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

@Twelve

What's bad about being bad?


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## Twelve (Jul 23, 2016)

narcissistic said:


> @Twelve
> 
> What's bad about being bad?



It makes me wish I wasn't existing


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Twelve said:


> It makes me wish I wasn't existing


Explain why in detail otherwise I am unable to understand you therefore unable to give you some advice if you wish, or for other people's sake on wanting to give advice.


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## Twelve (Jul 23, 2016)

narcissistic said:


> Explain why in detail otherwise I am unable to understand you therefore unable to give you some advice if you wish, or for other people's sake on wanting to give advice.


Everyone hates me and I can't find a way to fix it up


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Twelve said:


> Everyone hates me and I can't find a way to fix it up


Why do they hate you?


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## Twelve (Jul 23, 2016)

narcissistic said:


> Why do they hate you?


Because I've been a self-centered asshole


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## Another Lost Cause (Oct 6, 2015)

The fact that you can feel guilt and be self-aware of how your actions affect others means you aren't some kind of monster. Some people are just dealt a bad hand of cards and they handle them the only way they know how. Maybe you had to be a monster in some situations, so maybe you shouldn't be so hard on that person who you were in the past. Regardless of what you did, you feel guilty over it, so you've made progress in processing whatever happened. 

Whatever happened, you can only go forward now. Growth always comes with pain.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Twelve said:


> Because I've been a self-centered asshole


And why does that make you feel like "I wasn't existing".


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## Twelve (Jul 23, 2016)

narcissistic said:


> And why does that make you feel like "I wasn't existing".


It's not that I feel like I wasn't existing, it's that it makes me wish I wasn't


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Twelve said:


> It's not that I feel like I wasn't existing, it's that it makes me wish I wasn't


Uhmm... that's the same thing. 

Anyways why is it that being a self-centered asshole a bad thing?


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## sometimes (Dec 26, 2013)

So the worst thing you've done is talk too much about yourself? That doesn't as bad as you're making out? Not really 'evil'?

And as others have said you've realised how you want to be now and you can try to change to be how you want and move forward. To be a good person you need to also be good to yourself. Take responsibility, know you're flaws and try to change but there is no point in beating yourself up and getting too depressed or guilty if it's not going to help you as you don't want to make things worse. Trust me I've been there and am there (I have terrible guilt and wallowing over the past and suicidal wishes almost everyday and obsessive/intrusive thoughts but I also manage to have good moments too and I have done a lot worse than talk about myself too much - to myself and someone I love). The fact that you feel guilty and want to change and understand your actions shows you are not 'evil' or a 'bad person' surely? I mean really what was the worst thing you really did? If you really were a selfish asshole you wouldn't now feel guilty about it. Don't be too harsh on yourself. You just behaved a way which you didn't like and now recognise as wrong. Most people have done that. You're human.


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## Night At The Opera (Jul 23, 2016)

Alternatively, try listening to this song until you no longer have the feels.


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## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

Night At The Opera said:


> Alternatively, try listening to this song until you no longer have the feels.


I don't get it, what's so bad about it?
If you really want to lose "the feels" then go on certain sites in which you can see real people die. But I'm not promoting such an act.


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## Maker of helmets (Sep 8, 2014)

how people respond to you I think is not your responsibility


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## ArmchairCommie (Dec 27, 2015)

Twelve said:


> Hi!
> 
> I don't know where I should start but basically I grew up quite overthinking, with low self-esteem and big tedancy to depression and anxiety. Like two years from now I decided to fake confidence till I make it to the point where I basically decided to ignore criticism, shamefull moments, ... and to stop overthinking with the intention to grow.
> 
> ...


Just like you I myself can very much overthink things at times and I don't really have the best self-esteem. During my junior year of highschool I turned very insular and cut off most of my friends as I doubled down on my schoolwork and built up shields of arrogance to defend myself. However when I realized how much of an anti social loner I'd become that arrogant paper shield fell to shambles and I become very sad and down about how horrible a person I was.

In order to fix this I simply forgot about all the bad things I had done in the past, and focused on being a better person in the future. I started to be somewhat social again, no longer actively repulsing my friends, and I am all the better for it. So you just have to learn to move on and just be a nice person again. 

Now does being a nice person mean you become someone's else doormat? No of course not! You are your own person and if anyone tries to use you the only apporpriate response is to go the other way and forget about them. Most people are good but there also exists a slim minority of egotistical psychopaths out there who seek only power so you must avoid them. Other than that just be nice to your friends, say nothing unless you must, and try to be inoffensive around your more sensitive friends. 

You must also be willing to open with your close friends (and only your close friends, don't trust random acquiantances) and discuss your emotions with them. Once I started talking deep about emotions with my best friend he too opened up to me and we are much better friends as a result.

In short, you are good it's just that you felt as though being mean to others was a way to make yourself feel better. Newsflash, it's not and hurting others will only hurt yourself. So just forgot about your past and try to be nice going forward, while also not becoming a doormat either. Once you can find the balance which is correct for your situation you will be golden. Good luck!


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## Maye (Feb 15, 2015)

Hey, so if you want to make up for being rude to people, you can only apologize, if it seems like something they would benefit from, and try to start being considerate towards them. That works great. (But you were there. You know best as to whether or not to actually say the word "sorry". Figure out what you think seems right.) 

Accept that you did do the best you knew how; don't beat yourself up too much for all the things you did wrong. There is a such thing as excessive shame, and it is when you aren't loving yourself, I believe.

You can't change the fact that you did bad things. Its better accepted for what it is. (I've done awful stuff too.) It will help you grow now that you see it was damaging. And yeah, its going to make you feel guilty. 

I don't know for sure _what_ the right amount of guilt to keep is, but I know that if you only focus on it, then you won't take in all the good things in life, too. (which are just as important). And if you focus on all the good stuff too, you'll find some sort of balance.


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## Arunmor (Jun 25, 2016)

@Twelve why do you think you are a bad person exactly?Do you manipulate ppl or you are too selfish?Or you hurt ppl and don't care?Anyway you can't change it rly it's in your genetics)) the best you can do is start hurting other bad ppl))


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## BatFlapClap (Dec 30, 2015)

The depth of remorse you are showing indicates that you are definitely not truly a "bad person". I agree with the others who are saying that if you want to move away from this hardened version of yourself, you should apologize and make amends with those who you have harmed, especially those truly important to you. Forgiveness and understanding comes easier than one would think. On that note, *you should also be forgiving of yourself*, especially as the callous exterior you presented to others was merely a coping mechanism for a deeper, internal pain. People are fallible, but we can learn and grow and change, and that is an important part of human nature. 

Even if your past behavior was harmful to others, and in turn/retrospectively, harmful to yourself, it is the method with which you dealt with a very real affliction. Awareness and honesty here is key also. You realized you are no longer getting by as things stand, that your coping method no longer helps you, so you can move away from it. Move forward. This is just one point in your life. People change, for better or worse in many meaningful ways, and I think this is a positive, pivotal point for you, just remember, don't be afraid to falter, and also, the past is indeed in the past.


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## Biba the Traitor (Jun 12, 2016)

once you have negative thoughts about something, do the exact opposite of that thought. The moment you think of something bad or evil , do something positive physically, even if it is verbally, so that it becomes a habit. When u subtitute negative and harmful emotions with positive and compassionate actions the moment it pops up in your heart and thoughts, your heart and actions will slowly change for the better, as you are cancelling those evil thoughts with love and compassion. Don't give up, your thoughts are going to be against you in this, but as soon as you make it a habit, your character will change to the ideals u have been dreaming of 

wish u the best


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

Attempt to observe how your actions may bother others without asking them directly. Modify with time, and share your opinions as your own, not as fact. Ask what they think or desire to do? This may help make things not seem as bad. That you're not as bad as you think.


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## SharksFan99 (Oct 8, 2015)

Twelve said:


> 1. How is it possible that I just ignored so many bad reactions to me for so long?
> 2. How can I make it up? It's not like I've done something to someone in particular, I've just been an ass to mostly everyone.
> 3. How can I stop to feel so guilt or at least try to move on? Because I feel like I'm starting to get a severe depression.


First off, you are NOT a bad person. Everyone goes through feelings of guilt and depression at some stage in their life, but that doesn't make them any less of a person. I know it can be hard to accept past actions and thoughts, but you need to try to move on from it. You are not the same person as you were two years ago, or from when you were growing up. Think of this as being a new chapter in your life. The past is history and history doesn't repeat itself. If you continue to treat others kindly and be friendly to other people, you will start to feel better about yourself and the people around you will be appreciative of it as well. Even if you feel as though you need to apologize, it can only be beneficial. Your feelings of guilt and depression will gradually go away and you will be able to move forward with your life.


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

The only thing that really matters is how you feel about yourself; once I truly understood the wisdom of that; my life instantaneously became much happier.

I value people's *constructive *feedback because it gives me needed insight into my own behaviour; beyond that, I regard the opinions of others as mere feedback to my innate superior understanding of myself.


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## lolalalah (Aug 1, 2015)

> 1. How is it possible that I just ignored so many bad reactions to me for so long?


It's just possible. I ignore the bad reactions all the time.


> 2. How can I make it up? It's not like I've done something to someone in particular, I've just been an ass to mostly everyone.


If it really concerns you - I mean, if it tires you because it's not who you are - then don't do it. Don't be an ass because you think it's cool or you should be. Own your true self, that's the one that's most important. And while you cant turn back time, just try to think it's ok for people to be bad sometimes. Those close to you will immediately sense the change in you if you decide to make up for your past.


> 3. How can I stop to feel so guilt or at least try to move on? Because I feel like I'm starting to get a severe depression.


I'm not good at addressing the depression part; think you should seek a little help with that. I suppose you'll have a chance to overcome this depression once you start doing something in what you consider to be the right direction for you.




Twelve said:


> I don't know where I should start but basically I grew up quite overthinking, with low self-esteem and big tendency to depression and anxiety.


There comes the core problem. Something must have triggered that low self-esteem that stuck with you while growing up. I can't tell you to stop worrying, but you ought to know you are alright, because all the depressing thoughts are not caused by you being a bad person.


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## TheProYodler (Dec 9, 2015)

Old thread, but I'll give my input regardless.

Sounds like keynote depression, and despite what others are saying: I doubt "thinking things out" is going to have any real positive effect. Feeling down for no reason, guilty for no reason, self aware in the sense that you know you shouldn't feel the way you do, anxious, lost desire to do things that used to be fun. All red flags that shout depression. Get psychiatric help; depression isn't something that "self help" alone can solve, and depression itself is quite dangerous, and really isn't something to "experiment" with or "try to work around." So in all seriousness, I'd recommend seeing a Psychiatrist/General Practitioner/Psychiatrist whenever possible.


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