# Love language(s) & instincts.



## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

What are your primary love languages and your instinctual stackings? Do you feel like there's a correlation between the two? Feel free to discuss your partner's as well, some differences may have observed, and the like.

It's been hypothesized that SP-doms would prefer things quality time, acts of service, physical touch as opposed to direct forms of expression like WoA. Again, it's all speculation and I'm just curious about how valid this assumption is. I also assume Sx-doms would be more obvious in their expressions.

Briefly, the love languages: http://personalitycafe.com/articles/112444-five-love-languages-explained.html


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

I'm Sx/So.

The most important of The Five Love Languages for me would be *Quality Time*, definitely. I need my partner's attention to feel loved. Deep conversations, seeing each other, hearing each others' voices are very important. I need eye contact, listening to me, paying attention to what I do and say.

I also voted for *Words of Affirmation*. Even though I know I'm deeply loved, I like hearing or reading "I love you". It's extremely sentimental, I know, and more elaborate love confessions just make my heart melt. I can't get enough  OMG, how have I become so sappy? 

*Physical Touch* is important too, although I didn't vote on it. For *Gifts* and *Acts of Service* I don't care as much. I mean, they're nice, but not crucial. The former can make me feel a bit suspicious ("Are you trying to buy me?"), since I'm not a materialistic person by any means, and I'd rather use the money to do something fun together rather than waste it on gifts. The latter can be somewhat annoying, since I think I'm fairly self-sufficient. I don't need a servant, we should do things together.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

I also chose quality time.  

I feel like the more time I spend with someone, the more I can get to know them and understand them and who they are. This can intensity the strong attraction that we likely already have, which in turn deepens the connection and the emotion behind it. Even though I tend to connect rather quickly if the spark is there, not everyone can - and part of me knows that it takes time to nurture someone else's trust and companionship. I tend to go into a "focus on what I need to do to make them mine" sort of mode... and quality time increases my chances.

This tends to happen mostly in the beginning of a relationship, although I still value quality time with my SO even now (after 3 years). I get afraid that she'll forget about me if we aren't around each other, and I also need to be stiumulated by her fairly often in order to feel satisfied. I also think words of affirmation can be important once you're settled in a relationship in order to maintain the strength of the bond - I like to be reminded of how important, irreplaceable, ect, I am. It's integral for me to know that I maintain the position of being the most important person in my SO's life.

...OH and I'm sx/so.


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## Shadowlight (Dec 12, 2012)

sx/so

Here's the order:

1. Words of affirmation (Ok. I admit, I love being serenaded and told I'm "beautiful" !!)
2. Quality time 
3. Acts of service (yeah, like I'm gonna find a submissive enough dude in my culture to do that) 
4. Physical Touch (These two are at the bottom of the pile)
5. Gifts (And to think that most stereotypes here are that if you give a woman gifts, she'll give you her heart *eye-roll*)


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## voicetrocity (Mar 31, 2012)

*Acts of service *usually comes out primary 
*Quality time* and *words of affirmation* usually next (and tied)
Then, *Physical touch* 
*Gift giving* is my foreign language. 

SO/SX


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## madhatter (May 30, 2010)

SP/SO

I usually tie for first in Quality Time and Acts of Service. My second highest score is Gifts. WoA is my lowest. Physical Touch may be more important, but the way the quiz for single people is worded makes Physical Touch sound really creepy and intrusive, so I always get a lower score on this one too.


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

I never understand if this is what I like to receive or what I do. But I can tell you,

what I like to receive:

1. Quality Time
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Acts of Service (because I tend to do everything around the house myself and I hate it so it's nice to have someone else do it for a change)

What I'm inclined to do:

1. Acts of Service (I think this can also mean letting the person go do something they want to do instead of expecting them to do chores, etc. as well as physically doing things for people.)
2. Physical Touch
3. Quality Time
4. Words of Affirmation

Gifts don't matter much to me. Most of the time I'd prefer to have some money so I can get what I really want, although I'd much rather have something handmade with something nice and personal written on it than anything.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Sx/So

Physical touch. Being physically close to someone can be so intense and intoxicating. I can't say no to a love who touches me.

Second comes Quality time and Gifts. Gifts to me shows that the person had some intention, and to me that can easily speak louder than words.


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## meridannight (Nov 23, 2012)

sx/sp.

physical touch by far is the one i use most. i love touching the person i love and i need the physical contact with him. physical touch says more than any words ever could. also the part about letting your knee, foot touch the partner's while eating at the table is so true. i love that. whether it's having dinner just the two of us, or if we're in a company in a more public place, being in touch that way feels really good. 

i added quality time too, that's important as well. 

and i don't know if and how it correlates to my instinctual variants.


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## Bluity (Nov 12, 2012)

SP/So


Acts of Service. I love being helpful and doing things for people.
Physical Touch. At least it would be if I had someone to cuddle with. :/
Quality Time is time spent on Acts of Service. 
Words of Affirmation are just so creepy. The only people who do this are guys who want to get in my pants.
Gifts are mostly useless. People give me things I don't want or need. It's a burden more than anything.


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

The only one that really correlates to me is Physical Touch (sp/sx). I'm not a touchy person by nature because I'm afraid of infringing on people's physical privacy, but when they initiate it, it really means the world.

I'm more likely to give Words Of Affirmation, especially if we're talking online. What I crave in response is the physical touch, I guess.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

We recently had a thread about this in the 6 forum, so I come prepared!

For this sp/sx:
1. Quality time
2. Acts of service
3. Physical touch
4. Words of affirmation
5. Receiving gifts
[See here for more information]

WOA and gifts should probably be switched, honestly, given my reasoning. But the gap between 3 and 4 is large enough that I don't think it matters.


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## Inky (Dec 2, 2008)

Sx/So

1. Physical Touch
2. Quality Time
3. Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Word of Affirmation

I find that I express myself most genuinely through touch. I instinctively touch people I feel close to, and I feel most connected to someone through physical touch - e.g. a simple hug makes me feel better than an hour of conversation.

Quality time comes next, and then gifts. I like to leave surprise gifts around, and I find that gifts can be a very thoughtful way to express love if done properly.

Acts of service is second last because I don't really feel loved if someone did something for me, and I don't usually express love by doing things for people either; it's usually out of a feeling of responsibility.

Word of affirmation is last, because to me, words are meaningless without action. They make me feel more suspicious than loved.


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## MBTI Enthusiast (Jan 29, 2011)

kaleidoscope said:


> What are your primary love languages and your instinctual stackings? Do you feel like there's a correlation between the two? Feel free to discuss your partner's as well, some differences may have observed, and the like.


Oh my gosh... I came here just now to create almost the exact same thread! :shocked: Except I was going to include options for "sx, Physical Touch", "sp, Words of Affirmation", etc. This will do. 



kaleidoscope said:


> It's been hypothesized that SP-doms would prefer things quality time, acts of service, physical touch as opposed to direct forms of expression like WoA. Again, it's all speculation and I'm just curious about how valid this assumption is.


Well, I'm sp/sx and a WoA dom, QT second. I think some of it manifests in my desire to succeed in life and have financial security, etc. because I do thoroughly enjoy praise that I get when I'm on the "right path".

My bf is sp/sx and QT dom, PT second.


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## Echoe (Apr 23, 2012)

'Ello.


Sp-something (kinda lean towards Sp/So).

For me, I'd guess:
Quality time
Words of affirmation
Physical touch (Might deserve to be switched with WoA, not sure)
Acts of service
Gifts


I'd say my attitude about spreading love is roughly the same, or about an SO anyway (some things would definitely change places in regards to people of other terms.)


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

- Sexual.
- Quality time.


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## Cassieopeia (Jan 9, 2012)

sexual/self-preservation - words of affirmation & physical touch


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

So/Sx

It's not static, however this is approximate:

1. Physical Touch
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Quality Time / Gifts


Don't bother: Acts of Service


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

For me, it would be something like:

*Physical Touch*

*Quality Time/Words of Affirmation*

*Everything else*​


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## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

Sp/sx here. I prefer quality time followed by acts of service. The other three are somewhat tied, depending on context.


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