# Help type my ideal partner



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Short intro:

I've been on this forum for like a millennia. I initially joined post-breakup with my first real love.
I was pretty heart broken and searching for answers, so this forum served as a source to help introspection.
The years passed and I moved on and dated numerous others.
Then it just happened that the first real love and I got back together, and we had been back together for about 3 years.

For myself much of that was about fixing what I felt was wrong. Much of my thought process was that we didn't work out because we were in a high stress situation which would no longer be the case and now we would have sufficient monetary funds to do the things we wanted to. 

Things change and we realized we just want different things, she wants marriage and a family (child) I don't want children. Marriage is whatever to me, my thought is being with you and dedicated to you is enough and getting married as a form of contract is not for me. I'd do a private ceremony without any binding legality but I wouldn't want a government penalty for deciding to go our separate ways (like we just did). Many pointed out that my idea on marriage had a lot to do with not feeling like I am with "my person" and perhaps there is some truth to that. Fact is I felt like she was a high flight risk and I didn't see a reason to legally bind us - so life goes on.

Now I enter the dating world again. I haven't had much of an issue getting dates to happen or even a relationship. The problem is really there is definitely an element of being a helpless romantic in me. I am like - there has to be a perfect fit.

I think with time that only becomes clearer and clearer - people start to differentiate into who they really are as they age. They start to express their true self not so much what those who helped raise them wanted them to be.

So here are my thoughts, I welcome you to challenge, question, or agree with anything I say.

1) I don't think I'd mix with someone highly "traditional". First I'd say I am sort of a spiritual agnostic. I want to believe there is a higher power, hell I even talk to whatever higher power once in blue moon just in case there is one to help out but I am completely not religious. Highly religious people and even highly atheist people aren't for me - those that claim "to know" don't tend to have the type of thought processes I vibe with.

2) Also don't think I fit in with a total rebel. I love the sort of anarchist vibe that some people have, I love the people who aren't afraid to say fuck the system and think outside the box. I even dig the aesthetic that many have so I am attracted to it. I like that they are strong and defend their viewpoints. However being a type 3 enneagram, I am also conscious of image. if there was a gradient on traditional -- to - rebel. I'd side more with the rebel but someone who is confrontational to the extreme would likely lack the tact to navigate the world with me. Undercover rebels like myself - are cool though.

3) Lifestyle - I could see myself dating a vegan or vegetarian despite not being one myself, if they are more fit than me lol. If they can manage to look young and healthy on a plant based diet I am cool with trying to fit in as long as they respect that I eat animal products and there's potential I'd never give it up. I could even date someone who never drinks, smokes, and does drugs - to me that speaks to wanting a healthy life style and I do dig that. I'd mold to fit them on such things, to me it's interesting.

4) One of my biggest issues - as I mentioned prior - I don't want kids and I don't want to date anyone who has kids. I really don't like ties like that, even having numerous animals is a tether. I want to go out of town on a whim with my partner and all I have to worry about is did I leave the AC on and lock the door. I value what I see as freedom.

5) Style this is an odd one for me. But I really have various "types" so here goes.

a. Business woman look. quality form fitting clothes, black on bright colors like red, yellow, or hell maybe just full black lol. Maybe blingy accessories that are tastefully done. put together and won't go to target looking like a hobo. Usually has a sort of powerful presence or at least refined. 
b. Gothic - No idea but I like girls who dress sort of industrial, goth, and may have numerous tattoos. Dark hair and fair skin is a weakness.
c. Boho - fuck me if I don't get attracted to hippy looking boho chicks too. They tend to be into some sort of metaphysical weird shit and I find them interesting. Nature focused, kind, all that stuff is also something I like.
d. Active gals - I wouldn't say I am into "sporty" girls or girls that like sports more than I do who try to be one of the boys. They can definitely get too tomboy for me. But girls that like to do new outdoor shit, go on hikes, and explore are fun as long as they also like showering. Although I wouldn't classify myself as liking to camp and fish. I'd rather rent a cabin and grill.
e. Girly girls - the bain of my youth. Tight dresses, heels, lipstick, fancy hair and gold. I'd be lying to say it's still not a thing but they have lacked enough mental "substance" to keep me entertained.

My ex was likely an ISFP. Her biggest issue was she was anxious all the time, many personality highs and lows and I think she was too introverted for me - she didn't do well in large groups and just didn't flow easily with people she didn't know. I also think she's a bit self destructive in that she looks for reasons to create conflcit. We didn't split because we fought but because she didn't feel like I listened to her anxieties well enough and she wanted children. I do find creative types interesting but they'd have to have found some level of success by the time they met me.


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Let me know when you meet her. Then we can discuss typing her.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Let me know when you meet her. Then we can discuss typing her.


lol no you're supposed to say - Hmm based on what you wrote, seems like you're looking for x-type or ask questions until you get there.


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

NT the DC said:


> lol no you're supposed to say - Hmm based on what you wrote, seems like you're looking for x-type or ask questions until you get there.


Yeah, if I was that good, you think I'd be on here posting with you? I'd be the most sought after matchmaker in the world. You'll know when you meet her because all that stuff you wrote in the OP won't matter anymore. It just won't.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Yeah, if I was that good, you think I'd be on here posting with you? I'd be the most sought after matchmaker in the world. You'll know when you meet her because all that stuff you wrote in the OP won't matter anymore. It just won't.


Well you have to start somewhere, this is your chance to find a new career opportunity. I'll write you a satisfied 5 star review. 😂


----------



## Suntide (Dec 22, 2018)

Trying to meet an ideal type when all people are inherently complex and flawed will only leave you disappointed. Rather than trying to meet this person you have envisioned based on mbti type, I would recommend you just go and look for them in the real world.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Suntide said:


> Trying to meet an ideal type when all people are inherently complex and flawed will only leave you disappointed. Rather than trying to meet this person you have envisioned based on mbti type, I would recommend you just go and look for them in the real world.


I've met numerous people. It's a matter of centering my focus and not flapping in the breeze aimlessly.

Focus and sheer fucking will.


----------



## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

> 1) I don't think I'd mix with someone highly "traditional". First I'd say I am sort of a spiritual agnostic. I want to believe there is a higher power, hell I even talk to whatever higher power once in blue moon just in case there is one to help out but I am completely not religious. Highly religious people and even highly atheist people aren't for me - those that claim "to know" don't tend to have the type of thought processes I vibe with.


N/A



> 2) Also don't think I fit in with a total rebel. I love the sort of anarchist vibe that some people have, I love the people who aren't afraid to say fuck the system and think outside the box. I even dig the aesthetic that many have so I am attracted to it. I like that they are strong and defend their viewpoints. However being a type 3 enneagram, I am also conscious of image. if there was a gradient on traditional -- to - rebel. I'd side more with the rebel but someone who is confrontational to the extreme would likely lack the tact to navigate the world with me. Undercover rebels like myself - are cool though.


N/A



> 3) Lifestyle - I could see myself dating a vegan or vegetarian despite not being one myself, if they are more fit than me lol. If they can manage to look young and healthy on a plant based diet I am cool with trying to fit in as long as they respect that I eat animal products and there's potential I'd never give it up. I could even date someone who never drinks, smokes, and does drugs - to me that speaks to wanting a healthy life style and I do dig that. I'd mold to fit them on such things, to me it's interesting.


N/A



> 4) One of my biggest issues - as I mentioned prior - I don't want kids and I don't want to date anyone who has kids. I really don't like ties like that, even having numerous animals is a tether. I want to go out of town on a whim with my partner and all I have to worry about is did I leave the AC on and lock the door. I value what I see as freedom.


N/A



> 5) Style this is an odd one for me. But I really have various "types" so here goes.
> 
> a. Business woman look. quality form fitting clothes, black on bright colors like red, yellow, or hell maybe just full black lol. Maybe blingy accessories that are tastefully done. put together and won't go to target looking like a hobo. Usually has a sort of powerful presence or at least refined.
> b. Gothic - No idea but I like girls who dress sort of industrial, goth, and may have numerous tattoos. Dark hair and fair skin is a weakness.
> ...


N/A

Conclusion:
Your ideal partner doesn't have a type.

Also, this ideal partner is pretty generic i.e. common-ish. So you won't have any issues with finding people who match this.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

narcissistic said:


> N/A
> 
> 
> N/A
> ...


If my ideal partner has no type how would that make them common or generic? 
🤔


----------



## Eset (Jun 7, 2016)

NT the DC said:


> If my ideal partner has no type how would that make them common or generic?
> 🤔


Because all the types are able to fit these requirements, hence, there is no type.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

narcissistic said:


> Because all the types are able to fit these requirements, hence, there is no type.


Disagree with that one but thanks for taking the time to explain.


----------



## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

narcissistic said:


> N/A
> 
> 
> N/A
> ...



Haha I like this answer. Glad to know I'm not the only one here who disliked the concept of having an "ideal type".
Reminds me of how I attended this wedding before, and the bride was describing about how she met the groom, and she says that he wasn't her ideal guy, and that her "ideal type" is more of an extrovert, but the groom is the opposite of that and he is an introvert, but love works in mysterious way, and slowly their friendship grew into love, and then he ended up becoming her ideal guy. 

If that bride were to be close-minded and remain obsessed with finding her "ideal type", she would have ended up missing out on the groom.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Schizoid said:


> Haha I like this answer. Glad to know I'm not the only one here who disliked the concept of having an "ideal type".
> Reminds me of how I attended this wedding before, and the bride was describing about how she met the groom, and she says that he wasn't her ideal guy, and that her "ideal type" is more of an extrovert, but the groom is the opposite of that and he is an introvert, but love works in mysterious way, and slowly their friendship grew into love, and then he ended up becoming her ideal guy.
> 
> If that bride were to be close-minded and remain obsessed with finding her "ideal type", she would have ended up missing out on the groom.


Meh, people get married and divorced quite often - if anything it sounds like a reason they'll divorce later on. I had people talk about how they first fell in love with their partner at first site at a wedding and I know they fucked around shortly after they met their partner - aka people are full of shit at weddings.

Having a misconception over your ideal type doesn't mean you had no ideal type only that your reasoning was off.
Having a problem with the "concept of having an ideal type." That's equivalent to saying you have no standards or direction in my mind.


----------



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I agree that you can't type an ideal love interest, but I am still gonna say that I thought of ENTP more from what you said. Idk if I'm wrong, but to me that's more what it sounded like.

Number 3 seems kind of unrealistic though. If you're not vegan you should make sure to check any vegan women you're interested in are open to dating non-vegans. It's just difficult if people have very different lifestyle choices (that are also based on their values) and they live together or see each other regularly. It can happen, but a lot of problems can also happen.

Similar to how I wouldn't date a Christain (I don't think), because even though I'm fine with Christians when you get down to who's going to church and stuff, it's harder to make that work with different lifestyles. I think some value based choices (like religion, veganism, etc.) are really hard to compromise or negotiate on, no matter how tolerant you are.

There are always exceptions though, but that's my experience.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> I agree that you can't type an ideal love interest, but I am still gonna say that I thought of ENTP more from what you said. Idk if I'm wrong, but to me that's more what it sounded like.
> 
> Number 3 seems kind of unrealistic though. If you're not vegan you should make sure to check any vegan women you're interested in are open to dating non-vegans. It's just difficult if people have very different lifestyle choices (that are also based on their values) and they live together or see each other regularly. It can happen, but a lot of problems can also happen.
> 
> ...


Ah an actual stab at answering the question, thanks for that.
Of course dating a vegan might be a stretch if it's due to animal cruelty and they do tend to be a bit extreme as your christian analogy also reigns true for me.

Ultra religious and myself wouldn't fly.

Would you think the ENTP woman would come off more "business" looking?

In terms of a mind match I could see it working. I like different perspectives and an Ne-dom would keep me entertained. I have definitely been attracted to Ne aux but it's those freaking introverted feelers that have always captured me.


----------



## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

I'd agree with @WickerDeer, ENTP. They seem to encompass a lot of what you listed. Seems like there'd be enough similarities btwn the two types to really bond, yet the intelligence & boldness of the two could really challenge each other. I adore the ones I've come across that have that Fe down , there's a wise softness to them & it's beautiful. I want to stick them in my pocket & keep them for myself forever. Good luck!


Ok I lied I came back to add: ENFP could maybe work well too? They seem to be pretty "tough". Though I do tend to believe T's go best together, seems more room to be natural selves around each other having to worry about hurting feelings. But if a T & F put in a lot of effort to understand where the other is coming from, there's potential for great things as well. Eh 🤷‍♀️


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Kelly Kapowski said:


> I'd agree with @WickerDeer, ENTP. They seem to encompass a lot of what you listed. Seems like there'd be enough similarities btwn the two types to really bond, yet the intelligence & boldness of the two could really challenge each other. I adore the ones I've come across that have that Fe down , there's a wise softness to them & it's beautiful. I want to stick them in my pocket & keep them for myself forever. Good luck!
> 
> 
> Ok I lied I came back to add: ENFP could maybe work well too? They seem to be pretty "tough". Though I do tend to believe T's go best together, seems more room to be natural selves around each other having to worry about hurting feelings. But if a T & F put in a lot of effort to understand where the other is coming from, there's potential for great things as well. Eh 🤷‍♀️


I considered ENFP early but I am realizing that Fi and Te are just bound to clash eventually. I think it's hard enough to just to find T in women. I am definitely attracted to Fi - there is a strength to them that I prefer over Fe for a partner. I think T's would have a better way to communicate though. It's better to say what you think rather than tippy toe around subjects due to them being emotional triggers.


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

You almost eerily described my INFJ sister 

(Except the goth thing and she has dogs)

But outside that you eerily described her

Anyways a mature INFJ who is not into traditional stuff.
Ni Fe Ti Se
You even almost described those functions combined to me IMO

She’s a rebel and independent thinker but definitely on the DL (not blunt like my crazy ass for example). She is poised and even dresses much like what you discussed (except goth).

She’s also a 2w3

I think you should look for an INFJ female that is career oriented and a 3

Or like others said the next closest to your description is probably ENTP. The reason I didn’t list that first is because while maybe aesthetics wise you may like an edgy ENTP chick it sounds like you want a woman not as bold as ENTP.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Sensational said:


> You almost eerily described my INFJ sister
> 
> (Except the goth thing and she has dogs)
> 
> ...


Interesting take. I actually did go on a date with an ENTP once. We went out literally just because she said she was an ENTP - because I had a feeling she wasn't going to be that physically attractive to me (it was a pretty obscure photo) I said fuck it what else am I doing and it'll be cool to converse with an ENTP female in person. It was pretty much the easiest convo I've had on a date. The tangents and bounced ideas were fun. Would have been a good friend but unfortunately I didn't want to give the "I think you're cool as a friend" talk so we just said our goodbyes and didn't speak again. The ENTP edge doesn't bother me much - One of my closest cousins is an INTJ who likes metal and dark synth shit... she's pretty hardcore complete with leather jacket and everything and I am fine with it - we go out together sometimes.. the only sticking point is that I am a type 3 ennegram and a professional so it has to be an refined edge...so yes too bold might be a problem lol.

I will say one of my friends (female) claims to be an ENFJ and we get along very well. It just happens that we are both pretty anti-establishment. She's essentially a punk rocker chick - but also a good mom. So I mean I can see it happen however here is my thing.





__





Extraverted Feeling (Fe): A Closer Look | Personality Junkie


By Dr. A.J. Drenth Feeling types use their Feeling function to weigh, evaluate, and analyze their affective responses to the world. They generally experience greater…




personalityjunkie.com





In general terms: I think of it like this...
1) Fe - group harmonizer ... Fi - self oriented more likely to be rebellious 
2) Fe - expressive when talking ... Fi - guarded with emotions more so, harder to get a read on.

I think my friend is really ENFx - she is definitely expressive and wears her heart on her shoulder but she also is not remotely a group harmonizer lol. Shes quite argumentive and likes to call people out on their shit.

Using the general terms I have listed and linked above - I had the longest relationship with a true Fi who I believe to be ISFP.
I dated a self proclaimed INFP but I think they were sort of a cusp. They were expressive but also a rebel and definitely more direct. She was a social worker and did have an orientation towards making sure she connected emotionally with people. So that's pretty damn close to an INFJ despite her self typing - I refined her style but she liked looking glammed up vs. the ISFP who thinks she should dress however she wants to because it expresses herself... even if that is wearing dirty sneakers or looking disheveled.
😒


----------



## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

NT the DC said:


> I considered ENFP early but I am realizing that Fi and Te are just bound to clash eventually. I think it's hard enough to just to find T in women. I am definitely attracted to Fi - there is a strength to them that I prefer over Fe for a partner. I think T's would have a better way to communicate though. It's better to say what you think rather than tippy toe around subjects due to them being emotional triggers.


T women are hard to find. Well I mean they're easy to find because you can tell when a woman is a T, but they are rare. 
Fi is a magical thing. Definitely good to have a strong Fi person in your corner. They will support the wiggity wack out of you. I think the challenge with a T & F, which has been stated many times before, is both not feeling completely free to be themselves. That could wear a partnership down over time. As you said, communication would be easier btwn a T and a T. But oftentimes copacetic isn't the answer either. Too much easiness in a relationship invites stagnancy. Challenges are what encourage growth. I don't know, I go back & forth on the opposites thing. Either one works & has great potential depending on the people involved. 

Sounds as though you got on really well with the ISFP, maybe you would simply like a more refined ISFP? Have you dated an ENTJ? You seem to really enjoy Fi. Do you have a preference for Te or Ti? Which type has high T & Fi. I need to look at types & their functions again.

At any rate, good luck! 




Sensational said:


> You almost eerily described my INFJ sister
> 
> (Except the goth thing and she has dogs)
> 
> ...


I debated tossing out INFJ as well, but it would have to be a very specific INFJ. Like finding a needle in a haystack. Also I am going to ask the obviou question: dOeS yOuR sIsTeR hAvE a BoYfRiEnD 
🎤 Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Bring me a maaatch
Find me a find, Catch me a caaaaatchhh 🎵


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Kelly Kapowski said:


> T women are hard to find. Well I mean they're easy to find because you can tell when a woman is a T, but they are rare.
> Fi is a magical thing. Definitely good to have a strong Fi person in your corner. They will support the wiggity wack out of you. I think the challenge with a T & F, which has been stated many times before, is both not feeling completely free to be themselves. That could wear a partnership down over time. As you said, communication would be easier btwn a T and a T. But oftentimes copacetic isn't the answer either. Too much easiness in a relationship invites stagnancy. Challenges are what encourage growth. I don't know, I go back & forth on the opposites thing. Either one works & has great potential depending on the people involved.
> 
> Sounds as though you got on really well with the ISFP, maybe you would simply like a more refined ISFP? Have you dated an ENTJ? You seem to really enjoy Fi. Do you have a preference for Te or Ti? Which type has high T & Fi. I need to look at types & their functions again.
> ...


Yeah she is single


----------



## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

Sensational said:


> Yeah she is single


Well well well. It appears as though we’ve solved the case CASE CLOSED 👊🏼



*They ride off into the sunset happily ever after nvm the details of where they live or want to be introduced or even like each other et cetera et cetera unimportant details YAY US


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Kelly Kapowski said:


> T women are hard to find. Well I mean they're easy to find because you can tell when a woman is a T, but they are rare.
> Fi is a magical thing. Definitely good to have a strong Fi person in your corner. They will support the wiggity wack out of you. I think the challenge with a T & F, which has been stated many times before, is both not feeling completely free to be themselves. That could wear a partnership down over time. As you said, communication would be easier btwn a T and a T. But oftentimes copacetic isn't the answer either. Too much easiness in a relationship invites stagnancy. Challenges are what encourage growth. I don't know, I go back & forth on the opposites thing. Either one works & has great potential depending on the people involved.
> 
> Sounds as though you got on really well with the ISFP, maybe you would simply like a more refined ISFP? Have you dated an ENTJ? You seem to really enjoy Fi. Do you have a preference for Te or Ti? Which type has high T & Fi. I need to look at types & their functions again.
> ...


Yeah Fi is great when they're on your side but not so much when they are not lol - not a whole lot of reasoning through problems. With my ISFP I did feel like we were stagnant. I tried to introduce new stuff and was expected to and I was like - bro-ette aren't you the Se? What the hell happened? She used to be more Se, more firm on things she wanted to do but she could pass for a IxFP now. I think Se is something I have always liked - they tend to be bold and try new things. My best friend is ESFP and that's why I like him - he and I just have a good time and do new shit.

Her introversion seems to have intensified over the years. I didn't see the growth from her or the spark in myself to continue the relationship. I still care about her and always will but I didn't fight the idea that we'd separate. It's better that she and I experience life not stagnancy and feelings of regret.

I haven't dated enough Ti or Te to tell you about a preference in a partner. Both are open to rational conversation. I think Ti has elements of Fi to it and can be a bit stubborn in not seeing the whole system. I was in the INTP forum for years and most people were awesome and easy to talk to. Being in the ENTJ forum has less conversation because it's like - duh we get the big picture no need to beat the dead horse. So Ti Ne = more discussions and challenge your thought process. Te Ni = less discussions but likely to be on the same page.

A T-dom with Te would have higher Fi. Ti is paired with Fe. ENTJ = Te Ni Se Fi and INTJ = Ni Te Fi Se


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Well if I am being set up just know I like moonlight dinners and walks on the beach.
My momma says I'm good looking.


----------



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

NT the DC said:


> Would you think the ENTP woman would come off more "business" looking?


I have no idea. I've mostly worked with feelers and specifically SFJs in my career. 

But I think an Ne dom could probably choose how to dress and dress business if they wanted. I'm sure they're creative enough. Whether it was consistent--probably not.

This Cake song always reminded me of ENTP from what I read about, but I think it probably could apply to the appearance of any T type woman. 






Or maybe the singer/songwriter reminds me of an ENTP. Idk. I really don't know anything about them. I can see Cakes music as kind of NTP and maybe the "girl with the long jacket" is some kind of TJ.

Oh well.

Dressing for business depends on what kind of business you're in. 

I was in a long relationship with ESFP. I don't remember them caring much how they looked. It was just not on the radar of their values. I think Se with Fi creates a sort of "I will do what I need to do" attitude, maybe--it's more action-oriented. Perhaps NFP is more "I will think what I need to think" or something--"I will imagine or dream." I also was in a long-term relationship with an ESFJ and that was very different--also could want to 'wear whatever' but not really as a self-expression as I imagine an Fi dom might, or genuinely just not caring like an Se dom, but just to appear "humble" or as if they were not concerned with materialism. But the ESFJ was also an image type in enneagram--E2 so appearing humble might have been more of a drive? idk

I have a pretty deep distrust of Fe but it has a lot of value. Maybe it would help for you to focus on specific "business looking" women and how you imagine they'd act. Or how the ones you knew acted.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> I have no idea. I've mostly worked with feelers and specifically SFJs in my career.
> 
> But I think an Ne dom could probably choose how to dress and dress business if they wanted. I'm sure they're creative enough. Whether it was consistent--probably not.
> 
> ...


Hey thanks for sparking life into this thread btw, these convos were more the objective.
Trying to get a hold on different characteristics.

Well get this.
I searched for an ENTP yesterday and I found a pretty good looking one.
She's in sales so she's really extroverted and direct and talks a lot.
She's obviously logical and doesn't seem to have much of a filter.
However she fancies herself an empath.
Said she'd done personality tests prior and doesn't really fit great anywhere.

Fashion wise. She dresses up. She looks facially just extroverted, excitable, expressive... if you coupled that with empath... you'd think more like Fe-dom and Ni: ENFJ. But she really has very little filter and seems not worried about confrontation so perhaps she is T. Pretty hard to get a fix on but now I want to meet her in person. Mannerisms matter, tone matters.

But as I had said prior, ENTP have tons to talk about. I think she's Ne because of that tangential quality in conversation. It's really about digging into why she thinks she's an empath. I think it's because she can read people being that she's in sales. But she did fancy herself "deeply spiritual" which has me like - hmmmmmm.

The cake song did seem general to a T and maybe TJ hah. I looked him up and I guess he's married with kids now and his wife is not in the limelight. So I wonder if he really found his T female.


The ESFPs I know all care about dressing nicely. Except my cousin he's more of the I don't care kind of guy so you're right. Never realized that. I would say I definitely have a materialism side. I like nice stuff. I even buy expensive coffee direct from roasters.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

I thought about this... read a little more.
Honestly I think I want an ESFP or xSFP with less of an introverted bend. They seem like the only type equipped to tame me. It's a weird sort of control that I respond to. Essentially they want stuff and I make it happen, they want to try stuff and I make it happen.

1) High school - had a crush on an ESFP
2) College - a ESFP had a crush on me, I didn't know until I left the state and damn it I actually liked her a lot too. She basically got me to do stuff for her and it felt like an honor for some reason. She was sensual, strong, and vulnerable. She ended up getting married to a guy she said was "just like me".
3) I got involved with a total ESFP but she was also sadly a compulsive liar - but really I was ready to become a step father with her lol. Like it's their weird vulnerability coupled with zest for trying new things it's the only type that creates an instant latch. I was with another ESFP but she had a kid and was a bit older but she and I reciprocated physically pretty well.

I dunno what happened to my ex - ISFP. She used to be much more aggressive. That's what really turned me off recently. Her being indecisive and making me guess what she wants. Her lack of directness, really the kid thing just didn't vibe with me because I think she's boring now.

SFP aren't traditional. They don't really give that much of a crap what people think but are good at acting like they do. They tend to find me interesting and I don't need to sell them, they just come after me. They are direct, no guessing is needed. They fit with a type 3 ennegram.

I think it's this dynamic that I've experienced.

*



Psuedo-Aggressors/Employees: LIE (ENTj) ILI (INTp)

Click to expand...

*


> These are types who exhibit aggressive tendencies in their everyday life, and as a result tend to carry over these notions and temperaments into their romantic life. They typically are not comfortable with connotations of the word "victim" - implying a certain weakness, effeteness, and lack of dignity. In searching for a partner, they are looking for a worthy opponent - someone who is strong enough to withstand their quirks without "breaking" so to speak.
> 
> *Aggressors/Employers: SEE (ESFp) ESI (ISFj)*
> 
> These types, like the conquerors, express their sexuality openly. In daily life they may tend to be rather submissive and as a result may tend to carry over these tendencies into their romantic life. They are won over by indirect acts of submission, and are thrilled when their love interest (in the case of the "psuedo-aggressor" type) acts unlike himself. In a partner, they are looking for their equal - someone whose solid facade they can break down piece by piece.





> Your differences mean that you actually have a lot to offer one another. Your counterpart may inspire you to slow down and think more deeply about the meaning of things, rather than just doing what feels right in the moment. In turn, you can help them to get out of their heads and enjoy life for what it is.


It's Wolf on Wall Street Leo and his wife that has him controlled (to an extent)
It's Casino with Sonny and Ginger.

Courtship is just simple.


----------



## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

NT the DC said:


> Yeah Fi is great when they're on your side but not so much when they are not lol - not a whole lot of reasoning through problems. With my ISFP I did feel like we were stagnant. I tried to introduce new stuff and was expected to and I was like - bro-ette aren't you the Se? What the hell happened? She used to be more Se, more firm on things she wanted to do but she could pass for a IxFP now. I think Se is something I have always liked - they tend to be bold and try new things. My best friend is ESFP and that's why I like him - he and I just have a good time and do new shit.
> 
> Her introversion seems to have intensified over the years. I didn't see the growth from her or the spark in myself to continue the relationship. I still care about her and always will but I didn't fight the idea that we'd separate. It's better that she and I experience life not stagnancy and feelings of regret.
> 
> ...



yeah stagnancy= boooo hisssss 🤮🤮

Alright so ESFP then? I think they have highish Fi & Se? I need to check. In two days time I shall have listed every type at least once & then when you finally find someone I will take credit and say SEE I TOLD YOU SO. Perfect. 

Ti is far superior to Te. Definitely not stubborn & is always right. There, I cleared up that confusion for you. You are welcome. 🤝 I love INTP's as well, the little bastards. That is an interesting observation about Ti Ne and Te Ni, that seems to ring true in my experiences as well. Ti paired with Fe is the most beautiful creation to grace this earth. Throw in Ni and it's magnificent 🥺. I solved that problem for you as well GOOD LANDS I'M AMAZING once again, you are welcome. I will accept no discussion on this at this time. Can't help it, it's my Ti. It's unable to see the whole system. JOKES JOKES but really, I have practically zero Te and all Ti so...

AnYwAy I have formulated a foolproof plan for you in this time: go injure yourself & GET THEE TO A HOSPITAL. I have quite a few ESFP friends and a good number of them are nurses. It's a romantic comedy waiting to happen 🎤AHHH CAN'T WAIT TO HEAAAR ABOUT IIIIIITTT 🎶


----------



## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

NT the DC said:


> Well if I am being set up just know I like moonlight dinners and walks on the beach.
> My momma says I'm good looking.


I wish yo mama wasn't such a big fat liar


----------



## Kelly Kapowski (Apr 26, 2018)

NT the DC said:


> I thought about this... read a little more.
> Honestly I think I want an ESFP or xSFP with less of an introverted bend. They seem like the only type equipped to tame me. It's a weird sort of control that I respond to. Essentially they want stuff and I make it happen, they want to try stuff and I make it happen.
> 
> 1) High school - had a crush on an ESFP
> ...


Ok i should have kept reading apparently you figured ESFP out on your own but I would still like some credit please and thank you

ESFP's are good at getting others to do things. I value that about the ones in my life, they are good at challenging me to do stuff I probably wouldn't otherwise. They're pushy betchez. GOOD LUCK DOGGO fair thee well on thine ESFP search *just imagine there was a salute emoji & I put it in there


----------



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

NT the DC said:


> The cake song did seem general to a T and maybe TJ hah. I looked him up and I guess he's married with kids now and his wife is not in the limelight. So I wonder if he really found his T female.
> 
> 
> The ESFPs I know all care about dressing nicely. Except my cousin he's more of the I don't care kind of guy so you're right. Never realized that. I would say I definitely have a materialism side. I like nice stuff. I even buy expensive coffee direct from roasters.


Sure--just shooting the shit.

That sounds like what I imagine ENTPs to be like (the description of her that I removed in shortening the quote).

Yeah I tried looking up his wife and I couldn't find anything about her. The song itself could be more of an artistic expression than really his longing, but your post did remind me of the song a little. They're a good band.

ESFPs are supposed to have the same functions as ENTJ just mixed around, I think. Se Fi Te Ni (I think).

I would buy expensive coffee direct from roasters out of curiosity or to support a local business or individual artisans--or especially if the coffee was fair-trade or grown under a forest canopy. So I mean, materialism can probably take many forms.
ESFP ex used to also buy things more for that kind of reason as well (convictions only--tbh it got tiring for me and together I think we amplified it).

I was probably a bit more frivolous when it came to wanting to buy things just for the artistic expression or the quality of the material.

But I think the ESFP I know would be more into the utility of the object for the current needs than care that much about coffee. Though maybe it was just a personal thing. I feel like the SPs I know are decently knowledgeable about the quality of materials for getting things done.

ESFJs I've known have not been good at telling quality of materials or artistic value at all--cheap and workable seems to be more what the ones I've known have been into. It's funny that for a type that is so focused on creating a comfortable environment for others and themselves.

Idk--weird to think if that has anything to do with functions. It might just be what one is passionate about. Also just based on my really limited experience.

Idk--I think there are probably lots of ESFPs that are great matches for NTJs. They are more about getting stuff done but they still have a lot of depth and passion, and a lot of vision. They are a lot more than how they tend to be stereotyped.


----------



## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Don't look for the perfect person! Become the perfect person. Then date yourself. (I do mean literally not in some abstract take care of yourself way. No, dress half of yourself up like that ideal, dress the other half of yourself up like you. Roleplay it in restaurants, at the movies, etc.

It may not work out well for that 3 image, but it'll be amusing to me, a 7. That's really all that matters


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Kelly Kapowski said:


> Ok i should have kept reading apparently you figured ESFP out on your own but I would still like some credit please and thank you
> 
> ESFP's are good at getting others to do things. I value that about the ones in my life, they are good at challenging me to do stuff I probably wouldn't otherwise. They're pushy betchez. GOOD LUCK DOGGO fair thee well on thine ESFP search *just imagine there was a salute emoji & I put it in there


Haha, well regardless you came to same conclusion based off what I wrote so that's still worthy of a pat on the back.
I think I like pushy betchez but it's weird it only works with certain types - like I have had ESFJ pushy and I am like ew no you don't control me. I am like a complex instrument that ESFPs can read or something. It's a weird playfulness and cheerful attitude I respond to. Also despite being friendly to many they aren't always truly vulnerable and I like that about them. 

ENTJ: Te Ni Se Fi
ESFP: Se Fi Te Ni

Te and Se both communicate pretty "factual" the difference is they focus on the practical stuff in the moment and we big think and talk too much so they help ground us. We're both demanding in different ways it's like: I want to do this in a few years and am moving towards that goal and they are like cool so what are we doing today?
Being stronger in Fi I have found they can read me and others better and they can actually express it in simple terms. Being stronger in Te I can help them see the bigger picture when they have too much wasted motion and sort of streamline an approach. We both learn by making mistakes but they tend to have a better "fuck it you can't be perfect" approach to life which does help sometimes.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> Sure--just shooting the shit.
> 
> That sounds like what I imagine ENTPs to be like (the description of her that I removed in shortening the quote).
> 
> ...


Se is always a trait I've attributed to being more materialistic.



> This holds true for Si and Se. Introverted Sensing types are conservative with respect to the past. They prefer the “tried and true.” And since they don’t rely on novel sensory input from the environment to stimulate them, they tend to be less consumeristic or materialistic than Extraverted Sensors might be. When Si types are in need of something new, they often prefer to use Ne to cleverly fashion a makeshift solution from existing resources rather than running out to buy something premade. In this sense, Si (or Ne) types are often described as resourceful. Se and Ni types, by contrast, would be more apt to go out and buy whatever they think they need without giving it a second thought. Their first instinct toward the material world is not to conserve, but to consume. This is especially true of ESP types.


That's how I am. Why the hell would I waste my time trying to craft some crap that I could buy instantly for a few bucks more and it takes me way less time and probably works better. That's why we're more money driven IMO. I want the capacity to say: I like that I will buy that - now. I am not unfrugal either - I will try to see if i can get a discount or if there's another supplier that is cheaper or even wait for a sale if it's not a big deal... but really once it's settled that I want it - I get it. Of course I have a general idea of my budget and what's excessive and what is quality.

So I buy expensive coffee because it tastes better. It's not like 100 bucks a bag or anything but it's not like 5 bucks either. When I go out I like being like oh that drink or food seems interesting - I will buy it because I want to try it. So I have fair Se in my stack. I'm just not as wild and buy things I don't really even want or need and I've worked to be able to get to this place by saving first. I view dating someone as doing things together that isn't as boring as popping out a kid and arguing with people on facebook because life is boring. Do new shit, see new shit, learn new shit. Makes for a more interesting and fun life. Problem is so many Se had kids young lol.


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

daleks_exterminate said:


> Don't look for the perfect person! Become the perfect person. Then date yourself. (I do mean literally not in some abstract take care of yourself way. No, dress half of yourself up like that ideal, dress the other half of yourself up like you. Roleplay it in restaurants, at the movies, etc.
> 
> It may not work out well for that 3 image, but it'll be amusing to me, a 7. That's really all that matters


----------



## Bellerixx (Jun 3, 2020)

NT the DC said:


> Short intro:
> 
> I've been on this forum for like a millennia. I initially joined post-breakup with my first real love.
> I was pretty heart broken and searching for answers, so this forum served as a source to help introspection.
> ...


not going to lie, ESFP really suits alot for these types 😂, I find it funny that u had an ISFP ex, and u called her "too introverted" though, and I understand that. if u want more of a seeking adventure, always active, highly fashioned, very out going, rebellious, more like doing when she really wants to do without thinking about anything, it is sounds very ESFP to me. and more likely, an ESFP - A. 
but don't get to think that's the only answer lol. INTJ could also be the one (if u prefer goths but probably mostly the unhealthy ones at I woud l say to fit into these types). Sometimes people only see INTJ as a person who are very introverted, rigid, and on their minds a lot. when actually, both share same cognitives but reversed. and they have adventurous traits (I'd say INTJ are more into experimentalist 😂) they also like to explore new things in life if u get to know them more (but somehow mostly I see them as an unhealthy ones or maybe some that has developed their Se and likes social interactions a lot). 

so ESFP or Intj 😌
(sorry for bad eglish)
btw I am an ESFP type 3


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Amelia Belle said:


> not going to lie, ESFP really suits alot for these types 😂, I find it funny that u had an ISFP ex, and u called her "too introverted" though, and I understand that. if u want more of a seeking adventure, always active, highly fashioned, very out going, rebellious, more like doing when she really wants to do without thinking about anything, it is sounds very ESFP to me. and more likely, an ESFP - A.
> but don't get to think that's the only answer lol. INTJ could also be the one (if u prefer goths but probably mostly the unhealthy ones at I woud l say to fit into these types). Sometimes people only see INTJ as a person who are very introverted, rigid, and on their minds a lot. when actually, both share same cognitives but reversed. and they have adventurous traits (I'd say INTJ are more into experimentalist 😂) they also like to explore new things in life if u get to know them more (but somehow mostly I see them as an unhealthy ones or maybe some that has developed their Se and likes social interactions a lot).
> 
> so ESFP or Intj 😌
> ...


Yes you're exactly right. INTJ would fit as well but they tend to be INTJ that are in some weird Se place.
My cousin is an INTJ and when we're both single we hang out and go drinking and bar hopping. 
She's very death metal and goth - witch house loving.
So it's essentially my best friend who is ESFP.
My ex who I was with for like 15 years who was ISFP
And my closest female cousin who is INTJ.

Obviously I have a preference for my own functions in different orders.
I try to expand it but honestly the conversation with the prospective ENTP on the dating website made me realize that they are really only good as conversation partners - the aggressive sensuality isn't there. 

Also one of the first females I considered dating who is now an attorney actually managed to take the mbti test recently and I found out she's ISTJ and really it just added to my suspicion because she was successful and attractive but I always found her a bit too traditional. She's also really direct and blunt but it seems sloppy and unrefined to me. It's her use of Si that doesn't rub me the right way I believe.


----------



## Bellerixx (Jun 3, 2020)

NT the DC said:


> Yes you're exactly right. INTJ would fit as well but they tend to be INTJ that are in some weird Se place.
> My cousin is an INTJ and when we're both single we hang out and go drinking and bar hopping.
> She's very death metal and goth - witch house loving.
> So it's essentially my best friend who is ESFP.
> ...


Entp doesnt sound like your preferences so far.
they're more casual just because of their Ne and they tend to show more of their communicating skills. not showing so much sensuality or passion in relationship (as far as I know F people tend to be more passionate and Se types)

I don't really think ISTJ fits well to u. because they appear more traditional. they love family

you seem prefer the "f-the-system" or "YOLO" type of woman. well, :

1. business woman look - could represent ESFPs who tend to love bright colors (mostly they like bright colors) they usually very cheerful and charming, they have very good social skills and likely to lighten up the situation business woman(as in office). I never found ESFP that wears all black to work, unless if it's dresscoded(?) lol and usually they tend to checking out their appearance often (they love dressing up, it's part of their charm). but there could be also an esfp that loves dark colors, or even warm tone (like brown or etc) but Idk if its well fit in for ur preferences.
INTJS are more likely to represent the high class "business woman" or more like "I dressed for myself I dont give a sh!t about appearance." or "I wear anything that's comfy to me" and would imagine them wearing all black or monochrome dress or clothing(they mostly love black or dark colors) . or maybe they would wear the dress that is not eccentric, but classy or maybe comfy. they tend to be more charismatic and sometimes a magnet because they appeared more "mysterious" and has those deep eyes that somehow very intimidating.

2. gothic - Esfp? the way I think about them dressing "gothic" is somehow more into goth e-girl type lol. u probably have seen lots of goth in movies that has a very wild presence and bratty types so that way reminds u of how Se act?get drunk, party and wild. reminds me of harley quinn somehow (she represents ESFP enneagram type 7w6 or 7w8 sexual [source : personality database and funkymbti] She's rebellious, doesn't give af about anything, she does anything whatever she likes)and she dressed very similiar to "goth". or u could see other examples.. like P!nk (she got that punk vibes). she's an ESFP 8w7. but lots Ive seen ESFP got this style a lot (I believe there are many ESFP goths. That's exactly how I want to dress lowkey lol).
INTJ goths? lol probably there are many INTJs that dressed as goths. really suits them. but if u want them "wild" they probably enneagram type 5w4. sounds like ur cousin.

3. Boho - Esfps Bohos are usually free spirited, they are more calm. maybe could possibly they're into witchcraft too. Se user that I know that's into Boho is Lana Del rey she's an ISFP though. idk if I could find any ESFPs that loves Boho style
INTJs I don't think they like Boho styles, they are actually avoid music like country or any calm styles or musics (except classical but Ik those prbably not ur preferences) somehow (as far as I know).

4. active gals. yeah, u will find some of them very into this stuffs, ESFPs loves outdoor especially hiking, campfire, they love nature. they just love these things. but mostly they also into "sports" since they're very known of their sensory and "sports ad gal" stereotype lol.
I don't Think INTJ loves this stuffs, but they do love adventuring, like probably visiting to another states, exploring and etc they do. but I don't think they're into hikings, campfire, etc. they'll easily get bored.

5. Girly girls - Tight dresses, heels, lipstick, fancy hair and gold? actually that's what basic ESFPs known as. they are those girls, idk if they are the loyal type in relationship, but I see, ure liking this type of girls so.. there are many types of sensors are into this type of style. "basic" as I would say.
INTJ - hmm, idk if they are fit into this style, they try to avoid things which is common or basic to them, even though they look "plain" but they got their own fashion taste. Goth for example. they loves dark colors.

Yep, I guess that's all lol


----------



## Bellerixx (Jun 3, 2020)

I didnt notice the reply*


----------



## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Bellerixx said:


> Entp doesnt sound like your preferences so far.
> they're more casual just because of their Ne and they tend to show more of their communicating skills. not showing so much sensuality or passion in relationship (as far as I know F people tend to be more passionate and Se types)
> 
> I don't really think ISTJ fits well to u. because they appear more traditional. they love family
> ...


Here's my typing (since no one asked I figured I'd share it haha)

1. Business woman can be anything really. I find SFJ tend to be business and attractive but classy. SFP tend to be business and sexy, maybe a bit too sexy in some more conservative minds. STJ basic business attire.
2. Gothic - INTJ they just seem the most naturally gothic or punk. Never dated one.
3. Boho - NF all day everyday. Wide range. I've dated two for sure NF which ended in me being super confused as to what they fuck they wanted.
4. Active girls - Si dom/aux, it's really that dedication to train everyday. They have to be routine oriented and consistent. I like the way they look but training everyday gets boring too. Dated a couple but they just seem like they want someone to follow them around like a puppy and aren't really interested in doing anything new.
5. Girly girls - ESFP - again, my weakness.

So with regards to #5 it's really interesting. Because I looked back on some people I've dated and I realized something... I've dated quite a few that I just forgot about. It's odd because these really pretty girls pursue me and then I ride them off as not being an intellectual match. But we did have fun and honestly with the exception of two they really weren't the type to sleep around. They'd have been loyal with the right person. I think ESFPs just tend to not sit and analyze what they're seeking and so they become circular in the type they pursue.

I was in Vegas and this go go dancer got off the stage and came up to say hi. We had made eye contact prior and I thought she was gorgeous but I had a gf so I was polite and kept it classy.

Pretty sure I need to live in vegas to increase my odds
😂


----------

