# ESTJ step father of doom!



## Nearsification (Jan 3, 2010)

Why hello. I bet some of you heard about my miserable mother but now we will talk about my step father of doom! Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnn

My step father and me really piss each other off on daily basis. A few minutes ago I was taking out the garbage and i was going to tie it outside and then he see's it untied and starts yelling at me "animals are gonna get in it and spill it! Blah Blah!" Then I respond "I was gonna tie it outside" but becuase he refuses to be wrong he continues to talk over me with non-sense. Then I keep outsmarting him(hehe) and then he saids "stop talking back" then I respond "Well I would not need to talk back if you would shut up and listen.". Then he starts rambling non-sense and leave my house to take out the garbage after 10 minutes. This type of non-sense happens with him everyday! He is a complete control freak. Its "his way or the highway" and he actually saids that himself. He is the complete overlord of the universe. How the hell do I deal with him!


----------



## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

God...I really don't like those people who are just on your ass about everything!
I've met people like that, but no one I live with is like that


----------



## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

If you're going to get smart with an adult, and mock their intellectual abilities... I'm pretty sure it'll only make matters worse. I'm not doggin you, just hear me out. It's all in presentation of voice, if you sound like you have an attitude. People are gonna get an attitude with you. You may not even have an attitude, but it could be perceived that way. It all bottoms down to perception. Plus since you are 15, you have a couple of years to live with your folks. Try to find solutions to make it as smooth as possible to get along with your parents.


----------



## Nearsification (Jan 3, 2010)

SeekJess said:


> If you're going to get smart with an adult, and mock their intellectual abilities... I'm pretty sure it'll only make matters worse. I'm not doggin you, just hear me out. It's all in presentation of voice, if you sound like you have an attitude. People are gonna get an attitude with you. You may not even have an attitude, but it could be perceived that way. It all bottoms down to perception. Plus since you are 15, you have a couple of years to live with your folks. Try to find solutions to make it as smooth as possible to get along with your parents.


Well I cannot get along with him. For some reason whenever I speak its ultimately wrong even when I am right. After a few years he just started to piss me off now I just talkback to him. Theirs not really a difference. At least this way I can have fun.


----------



## Trope (Oct 18, 2008)

Your step father sounds exactly like my step mother. I have no solution for you. My INTJ brother left at the age of 16 because of her. My brothers and I eventually came to ignore just about anything she told us to do. She'd yell if it got done because it was somehow always done wrong and she'd yell if it wasn't done at all. Ergo, do whatever the hell you want. Claim your victory by not getting bogged down in your step father's insanity and move out as soon as you can.


----------



## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

Game Master Near said:


> Why hello. I bet some of you heard about my miserable mother but now we will talk about my step father of doom! Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnn
> 
> My step father and me really piss each other off on daily basis. A few minutes ago I was taking out the garbage and i was going to tie it outside and then he see's it untied and starts yelling at me "animals are gonna get in it and spill it! Blah Blah!" Then I respond "I was gonna tie it outside" but becuase he refuses to be wrong he continues to talk over me with non-sense. Then I keep outsmarting him(hehe) and then he saids "stop talking back" then I respond "Well I would not need to talk back if you would shut up and listen.". Then he starts rambling non-sense and leave my house to take out the garbage after 10 minutes. This type of non-sense happens with him everyday! He is a complete control freak. Its "his way or the highway" and he actually saids that himself. He is the complete overlord of the universe. How the hell do I deal with him!


OH MY F***ING GOD. My ESTJ father is EXACTLY like this! I agree with what you said, no matter what you do he won't leave you alone. Might as well talk back to him!

I remember in my childhood he would punish me by forcing me to write repetitive sentences. "I will do what my father wants me to do, it's good for me." Luckily I was wise to his brainwashing techniques and would write a whole column of I's, W's, and so on in order to prevent my mind from absorbing the message.

My INTP brother learned the secret of getting him to leave you alone: ignore him. When he comes barging into my room "I want to spend time with you! Talk to me RIGHT NOW or I'm pulling out the internet" I just ignore him and he fumes away to piss somebody else off. Or he tackles me to the ground.


----------



## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Its not about winning, its about finding the global optimum. This requires constaint more often than not; this allows you to make your mark on the 1/10 debates and statements which ultimately matter.


----------



## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

Game Master Near said:


> Well I cannot get along with him. For some reason whenever I speak its ultimately wrong even when I am right. After a few years he just started to piss me off now I just talkback to him. Theirs not really a difference. At least this way I can have fun.


There are some people in life you just can't be nice to in life... But you gotta be respectful. Find ways to be disrespectful but not as openly. Because it is really just gonna cause more friction to do what you're doing... And it already sounds like you have plenty of that.


----------



## Nearsification (Jan 3, 2010)

SeekJess said:


> There are some people in life you just can't be nice to in life... But you gotta be respectful. Find ways to be disrespectful but not as openly. Because it is really just gonna cause more friction to do what you're doing... And it already sounds like you have plenty of that.


I cannot find a way to respect him. I just think he is stupid and has too much of an ego ever to admit he is wrong. I cannot respect people like him. I tried to pretend to respect him but for some reason he got even more mad.(which made no sense to me)




InvisibleJim said:


> Its not about winning, its about finding the global optimum. This requires constaint more often than not; this allows you to make your mark on the 1/10 debates and statements which ultimately matter.


Global optimuns do not exist with him. *He* must be powerful and *he *must be right at all cost.


----------



## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

Have you ever tried to sit down with him and explain things?


----------



## Nearsification (Jan 3, 2010)

SeekJess said:


> Have you ever tried to sit down with him and explain things?


 He will not allow that. He is too close minded and control freakish to allow anyone to be right except him. If you try to sit down and talk to him it will just become a screaming fest.


----------



## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

The comments from SeekJess sound so.. reasonable. But problem is when dealing with someone like this, resisting and rebelling come naturally while trying to get along takes more energy than it's worth. You can bend over backwards to kiss their ass and they're mad that you did it wrong. And it does seem that sometimes trying to get along with people like this just invites even more harassment. Game, I hope you can find an optimum resistance tactic that keeps him away from your face as much as possible. :frustrating:


----------



## kept81213 (Dec 7, 2009)

Oh man, sometimes I wish I could just grab all the ESTJ's of the world and smack them on the head, myself included. 

I wish you had posted this in our forum, because you'd get a lot more responses that would be helpful besides mine. Stepfathers/mothers can indeed be tricky. I myself have an ISFJ stepmother, although I've never lived with her, and a INTJ stepfather who I adore, but to be honest I never really lived with him either. 

My mom is an ENFP with an ESTJ father. I love my grandfather, but he's grown a ton since my mom was younger which has helped. My mom always says there were so many times that she was furious with him for treating her mom a certain way or always being so rough with everyone. In fact its sort of the reason she married my dad who was the exact opposite (aka never yelled, but was also never around). She says she never really understood/respected them until she had me. 

Before I get to the bad stuff that ESTJ's/your stepfather does I just need to say one thing. Yes, it sounds to me like you have a stepfather who is constantly bossing you around, being controlling, and yelling a lot. I'm not sure when exactly he married your mom so i'm not certain about this but I gather that he is, in spite of these bad qualities, there for you and your family right? My father cheated on my mom and basically left me and my family when I was 8 for the other woman. Ya, he occasionally visited and gave us presents, but now I barely see him. He continues to be awful to my mom, wouldn't pay for my sister or my education and does things like take away our birthday checks because we didn't cash them right away...anyway, my point is, I know its easy to look at the bad sides of our parents, or people in general, but why dont you try looking at the good sides too. If you look for them you may find that you respect him a lot more than you thought. 

The only advice I can give for the yelling/controlling/bossing around is this. If he is really an ESTJ he does care about you, probably a ton more than you realize. He just has a harder time showing it. We are not affectionate, we arent really that warm-hearted, and we dont know how to talk about feelings, but we do have them. If the yelling is upsetting you, and ruining your relationship with him, try telling him exactly how you feel. Dont state what he's doing thats wrong, tell him how it makes YOU feel. I also find that an argument escalates for a couple reasons. One if if the other person tells me to shut up and the other is if someone starts yelling back. The moment they're yelling I pull up my defensive wall and will attack back fiercely. Believe me, you do not want to be on the other side of that firing line. If you remain calm then we will remain calm. If you say that we're hurting you by yelling, or say please stop talking to me that way you're bullying me in a calm voice it makes us take a step back to realize we're being ridiculous. 

But of course all people have problems with their parents. I myself get really annoyed at my mom for several reasons, but have learned that if I just try to see her point of view or just does what she asks and think of it as doing it because I care about her and respect her not because I want to, then she and I have a better relationship. Why dont you ask your ESTJ stepfather if he wants to do some sort of bonding activity with you? Most likely you'll both end up having a good time and you may learn things about each other.


----------

