# I'm a butch lesbian. Ask me anything.



## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

jdbullet23 said:


> Like I said, I hang around people who are pretty tolerant, but even these people get squeamish sometimes when I start talking about girls and my relationships. I try to squash the discomfort by making a joke, in my usual fashion, but it still pisses me off.


I think it's disgusting that society has basically set up a system in which you have to continuously go out of your way to comfort the very same people who are acting passive aggressive towards you. It makes me sick because you're basically being forced to validate bigoted behavior that explicitly seeks to _invalidate_ *your* personal human needs for love and companionship. This type of social coercion causes self-internalized hatred for the queer individual. And I don't think I'll be standing for it any longer. 



> We just have to wait til we're acceptable enough to society that we can talk about the same kind of crap straight people do without the awkward silences.


Ha! Society is more oblivious than I am! I'm not going to wait for them to catch a clue. I will continue to openly talk about my attractions. I will not be ashamed to openly declare my affections for the woman I love. On the contrary, I will shout my love and adoration for her from the mountain tops. I will not be ashamed to discuss my future desires of having a wife, and raising children with her. I will not be ashamed to openly show grief over a failed relationship, and more importantly, I expect that my friends will be there to console me rather than try to invalidate my feelings.

If people don't like any of this, then they can drink a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up, or they can eat shit. Whichever they prefer. It really doesn't matter to me either way.


----------



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I hope this question isn't cliche (or that it hasn't been asked) but when did you finally solidly realize that you were not a heterosexual woman? Was there a specific event that solidified your identity as a lesbian?

Also, I like what someone said about loving being a masculine female. 

Also, have you ever seen the Spanish movie "My Mother Likes Women" "A Mi Madre le Gustan las Mujeres" (my Spanish is terrible)? I LOVE this movie because it's so funny, but I want to know the perspective of someone who's a lesbian--I think the movie's meant to be light and comical, but I want to know if it's offensive.


----------



## 626Stitch (Oct 22, 2010)

> You know what? I don't think so. I seriously considered this question, but I can't think of one thing I'd get out of sex with a male. The only circumstance I can possibly think of is sex with a gay male friend, just to see what it's like. Lots of lesbians and gay men do that, if they're good friends, just to try it out. But it sometimes makes things weird, and very unsatifying for both of them. Besides, I'm not curious enough about straight sex to even agree to try it. I'd have to be at least a tiny bit drunk.


Bad sex can leave a bad taste in the mouth which is not something you would want between freinds.


----------



## jdbullet23 (Jan 25, 2012)

meltedsorbet said:


> I hope this question isn't cliche (or that it hasn't been asked) but when did you finally solidly realize that you were not a heterosexual woman? Was there a specific event that solidified your identity as a lesbian?


For me, not really. It was a very gradual thing, realizing my butchness and my attraction to women all at once as I grew up. I'll give you a kind of funny story about a childhood memory that solidifies it for me now, though.

When I was about three or four (I have a photographic memory), I distinctly remember sitting in the back room of my grandma's house with my two older cousins. Their both female, and were maybe tweens at the time. We were playing school, one of our favorite games to play. One of them asked me if I had a boyfriend. In my head, the word "boyfriend" was accompanied by the image of a blue stick figure. I said no, then asked "What about a girlfriend?" They laughed and said, "No, girlfriends are gross. You want a boyfriend." In my head the blue stick figure was matched up with a pink stick figure, and I made a conscious decision that I wanted the pink one. Then I forgot about it until a few years ago when I was discovering my sexuality.

It makes me chuckle because it was such a long time ago, but that was the first separate memory I have of myself being a lesbian, even in such a tiny way. LOL, one day I told my cousins this memory, and they laughed so hard. They say they don't remember it, but I definitely do.



meltedsorbet said:


> Also, I like what someone said about loving being a masculine female.


I'm not sure who said this, but I'm sure we all love being "masculine" women. As long as it's who we are, it makes us happy.



meltedsorbet said:


> Also, have you ever seen the Spanish movie "My Mother Likes Women" "A Mi Madre le Gustan las Mujeres" (my Spanish is terrible)? I LOVE this movie because it's so funny, but I want to know the perspective of someone who's a lesbian--I think the movie's meant to be light and comical, but I want to know if it's offensive.


Lol, haven't seen it, but based on the title, I'd love to one day. If it's light and comical, I'd imagine it wouldn't be too offensive to someone with a good sense of humor.


----------



## jdbullet23 (Jan 25, 2012)

KINGoftheAMAZONS said:


> I think it's disgusting that society has basically set up a system in which you have to continuously go out of your way to comfort the very same people who are acting passive aggressive towards you. It makes me sick because you're basically being forced to validate bigoted behavior that explicitly seeks to _invalidate_ *your* personal human needs for love and companionship. This type of social coercion causes self-internalized hatred for the queer individual. And I don't think I'll be standing for it any longer.


I agree. Unfortunately, I tend to be very dense in situations like that. I don't always catch the significance when someone subtly avoids to expand on something I said about my girlfriends or alike subjects. It's quite annoying when I sit back and think about it afterwords though. But like you mention, I make a point to bring it up. Not screaming in their faces, "Hey, pay attention, straight kid! I'm a big huge ****! Talk about it!" But damn, I want to discuss that shit like just another woman gossiping with her friends. Why is that so difficult. There's such a delicate balance between making my sexuality in-your-face blatant, and making it obscure and hidden from view like a closet-case. Somehow, we learn to manage to make it as subtle yet open as everyone else. It's just a huge shame that it's so complex to obtain that balance; nobody else has to try to achieve that in social situations. Grr.



KINGoftheAMAZONS said:


> Ha! Society is more oblivious than I am! I'm not going to wait for them to catch a clue. I will continue to openly talk about my attractions. I will not be ashamed to openly declare my affections for the woman I love. On the contrary, I will shout my love and adoration for her from the mountain tops. I will not be ashamed to discuss my future desires of having a wife, and raising children with her. I will not be ashamed to openly show grief over a failed relationship, and more importantly, I expect that my friends will be there to console me rather than try to invalidate my feelings.


Hey, right on dude. Sounds like the kind of stuff I say in every relationship. I talk about her as much as possible with my friends. I said before that most of my friends are straight but tolerant, so usually they talk about her with me. Occasionally, someone will turn their head slightly and clear their throat and say something polite, then continue on with themselves. But I also said that what pops in my head, pops straight out my mouth. (Or maybe straight is the wrong way it pops. More in a crooked style, gay as I.) When I'm thinking a girl is hot or I'm having problems with my relationship or lack of a relationship, or my sex life is rockin ... they're hear it, man. :O definitely. Of course, I keep the sappy stuff inside usually because sappiness embarrasses me naturally, as an ENTP. Sometimes, though, I'll let something corny slip amongst my homefries.



KINGoftheAMAZONS said:


> If people don't like any of this, then they can drink a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up, or they can eat shit. Whichever they prefer. It really doesn't matter to me either way.


Great attitude, keep up the non-giving-a-shit. It's a wonderful way to look at it. There's too many people who pretend to be tolerant and accepting until they're faced with a live conversation with us queer fools about our queer lives. We shouldn't take shit, whether directly or indirectly.


----------



## Aquarian (Jun 17, 2012)

KINGoftheAMAZONS said:


> Maybe. If a man wanted me to penetrate him, I might consider his request


Truly awesome answer!


----------



## jdbullet23 (Jan 25, 2012)

Hello. I'm actually reading this slightly corny lesbian romance my friend gave me, (my reading on the butchometer just went down about 80 points,) and I realized these characters display butch-femme really well. Liddy is the femme and Marian is the butch, but as i read it, I initially thought that it was the other way around. Marian is extremely emotional and Liddy is a major thinking type. I don't really know what compelled me to post this scene from it, but it's pretty explanatory of how a femme would see a butch, particularly a soft butch. Happy reading.

" '... I have to say, you also seem to be quite female, which is most definitely my preference.'

Marian cocked her head to one side. 'Thank you. I was told by the ex from hell that I was mannish.'

'You're butch. There is a big difference, at least to me.'

Marian was so close, Liddy could smell the aroma of her shampoo. 'That doesn't put you off?' Marian's gaze wavered with uncertainty.

Damn, Liddy thought. How badly had this ex hurt Marian? She was deliciously, gently butch and obviously someone had stomped on the idea that this was attractive. Marian closed her eyes as if she'd realized she was revealing too much. 'Sorry.'

'It turns me on, if you want the truth. You're very female,' her gaze swept over Marian's curves, and she swallowed hard. 'Very female. And you're butch. Right down to those buffed nails and the comb in your back pocket.'" --Karin Kallmaker, One Degree of Separation

Literally, reading this makes me cringe sometimes, because Marian cries at the drop of a hat and she blushes constantly. Not the traditional idea of a butch. Anyway, have a nice day.


----------



## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

It does not matter what type of butch a butch is, you know one when you see on because of the 'energy' they give off. It's kinda difficult to explain to straight folks, who see a butch with long hair and think she is not one, or a Stone and think she is a boy. They kinda have this strange idea that butches only come in one flavor. That they never wear makeup, or do their nails, scream at spiders, cry, watch chick flicks, or want to be told they are beautiful. Butches have this aura, that goes with their female masculinity,(not to be confused with male masculinity, a completely different creature)and Femmes can sense this a mile away.(teehee) 

It's also hillarious to note(King of the Amazons you will so love this)that my wife, who is generally oblivious to other gay women hitting on her, also does not always see other butches, unless it's pretty obvious. A few weeks ago we were shopping and she pointed out one of her co-workers, holding someones hand. 

Her: "Look! There is my co-worker, that must be her new boyfriend. She talks about him all the time."

Me: " Babe, that is not a guy, that is her Butch"

Her: "No, that is definately a guy"

Me: " No she's not, she's a Butch. I'll bet you one night of anything you want that I am right."

Her: " Challenge accepted" Off she goes to get a closer look and indeed finds that her co-worker is a Femme with a Butch. Comes back and says "How did you tell?"

Me: "Butchdar, all Femmes have it...." So, I won my bet and all was right in my world.

I still giggle about this one.


----------



## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

jdbullet23 said:


> Literally, reading this makes me cringe sometimes, because Marian cries at the drop of a hat and she blushes constantly. Not the traditional idea of a butch. Anyway, have a nice day.


Haha, lesbian fiction can be positively terrible sometimes. But then I spend a lot of my time reading Xena/Gabrielle fanfiction... which can also be equally cringeworthy . I'm addicted nonetheless  

As for the way the story portrays Marian, I can only half relate. I do "blush" a lot, but I most certainly do not cry at the drop of a hat lol. And when I do cry I do so in private. To do otherwise would be mortifying unless it served a purpose (like helping other people release their bottled up emotions, or showing people that I do genuinely care about their pain). But I generally never show my pain or discomfort.


----------



## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

killerB said:


> It's also hillarious to note(King of the Amazons you will so love this)that my wife, who is generally oblivious to other gay women hitting on her, also does not always see other butches, unless it's pretty obvious. A few weeks ago we were shopping and she pointed out one of her co-workers, holding someones hand.
> 
> Her: "Look! There is my co-worker, that must be her new boyfriend. She talks about him all the time."
> 
> ...


Lmao! That's a cute story  Oh wait. If I'm a butch does that mean that I'm allowed to call stories about other butches cute? 

For some reason I notice other masculine women all the time. And I mean instantly. But that's probably because I find them very sexy :wink:.


----------



## Libayne (Aug 10, 2012)

Ever tried Cocaine?


----------



## jdbullet23 (Jan 25, 2012)

Libayne said:


> Ever tried Cocaine?


Nope.


----------



## jdbullet23 (Jan 25, 2012)

killerB said:


> It does not matter what type of butch a butch is, you know one when you see on because of the 'energy' they give off. It's kinda difficult to explain to straight folks, who see a butch with long hair and think she is not one, or a Stone and think she is a boy. They kinda have this strange idea that butches only come in one flavor. That they never wear makeup, or do their nails, scream at spiders, cry, watch chick flicks, or want to be told they are beautiful. Butches have this aura, that goes with their female masculinity,(not to be confused with male masculinity, a completely different creature)and Femmes can sense this a mile away.(teehee)


Jees! *Whistles* that's a kickass way to explain it. I couldn't find a way to describe butchness, but you pretty much some it up.

Honestly though, if I saw a girl with long hair, painted nails, makeup, crying at a chickflick ... I wouldn't think butch either. Lol, but I might not think femme either. After all, femme's have that same special type of energy that's specific to femmes, and butches can sense it too. I know of femmes who are bike racers and basketball players, and they're very obviously not butch to me anyway. Yet, even knowing that they are femmes who are also sporty and tomboyish, I can't make myself think that I could be one. I'm just ... butch. It's who I am. And i'm not particularly masculine. I don't like sports or anything, and I can't pump a tire. But I'm purely butch.



killerB said:


> It's also hillarious to note(King of the Amazons you will so love this)that my wife, who is generally oblivious to other gay women hitting on her, also does not always see other butches, unless it's pretty obvious. A few weeks ago we were shopping and she pointed out one of her co-workers, holding someones hand.
> 
> Her: "Look! There is my co-worker, that must be her new boyfriend. She talks about him all the time."
> 
> ...


OMG, totes adorbs!  Stone butches have never looked male enough to be mistaken as men to me, though. Unless they take hormones ... anyway, that's funny.



KINGoftheAMAZONS said:


> Lmao! That's a cute story  Oh wait. If I'm a butch does that mean that I'm allowed to call stories about other butches cute?


Lol, probably better than saying "Totes adorbs" like I just did. Oops. :O



KINGoftheAMAZONS said:


> For some reason I notice other masculine women all the time. And I mean instantly. But that's probably because I find them very sexy
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Do you usually notice the sexy tomboyish femmes more, or the serious masculine butches? Do you find the stone butches sexier, or other soft butch types? Just curious; I don't normally notice other butches and think "sexy" ... not on a typical day, anyway.


----------



## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

jdbullet23 said:


> Do you usually notice the sexy tomboyish femmes more, or the serious masculine butches? Do you find the stone butches sexier, or other soft butch types? Just curious; I don't normally notice other butches and think "sexy" ... not on a typical day, anyway.


I'd definitely notice a tomboyish femme before I'd notice a butch. And I'd notice a soft butch before I'd notice a stone butch. However, I've been sexually attracted to all types of femmes and all types of butches. I could never date a stone butch though. I need sexual reciprocity. I need to be able to pleasure my woman (and to be pleasured as well), and stone butches just don't like to be touched. I'll give some links below showing what type of butch/stud I'm _usually_ physically attracted to.


----------



## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@KINGoftheAMAZONS

They're so hot!


----------



## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

Boss said:


> @_KINGoftheAMAZONS_
> 
> They're so hot!


Yes they are! I don't see how anyone couldn't be attracted to such fine butch women of beauty


----------

