# How to tell the difference between ENFP or ENFJ



## EmpathNFP (Dec 13, 2012)

I am certainly an NF and pretty darn certain I'm an ENF, not much question there. But I find it difficult to understand the difference between ENFJ and ENFP. Currently, I lean towards the latter, but before it was the former. I know that according to Kiersey's theory, J and P are less affecting of N's, which I certainly am, than S's, thus the types are NF/NT and not NJ/NP to produce the greatest distinctions and the opposite true of SP/SJ, instead of ST/SF. So perhaps I shouldn't concern myself about it. When I examine the MBTI functions I think I demonstrate Fi more than Fe, but I am certainly someone who is deeply cares about the feelings of other people and who can feel what others feel without trying to, and often in a way that overwhelms me, yet I get my values more from my own subjective experiences than from the corporate notion of them, which is ENFP, not ENFJ. On every test I take, everything comes out very clear except the J and P, they are close to each other and can go one way or the other. Advice? Suggestions? Distinctions? How do you tell?


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## cudibloop (Oct 11, 2012)

ENFJs are usually pack oriented, chameleonic, and don't have many deep, personal convictions beyond practical morality/social values. ENFPs are selective with who they sympathize with, as well as how much sympathy they give. They also don't feel responsible for catering to the feelings of the group at all times.

If an ENFJ reads a a bunch of depressing/unfortunate stories, he'll feel an equal amount of sympathy for all of them. The ENFP on the other hand will feel more sympathy for some stories more than others based on how much they personally resonate with them.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

I don't agree with the above at all.

The main difference is that Fe pays more attention to the harmony between themselves and their surroundings while Fi pays more attention to the harmony within themselves and their values. However, ENFP's are Ne-doms, so they will pay more attention to _concepts_ related to their surroundings. In layterms, ENFP's seem a lot more self-interested and in the clouds.

The OP is right about one thing, and that's ENFJ is the "least Jish J" in terms of dichotomies. I think many ENFP's on this forum are actually ENFJ's, especially the really other-focused ones.


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## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

Maybe I've just been exposed to extremes, but I feel like there is a pretty distinct difference between my ENFP ex and my ENFJ coworker.

1. ENFPs are significantly less concerned with social norms and are very whimsical. While they can be very kind and compassionate, their kindness manifests when they feel like it. For example, my ENFP friend may decide randomly to give people gifts to help them during finals, but she may neglect to notice when people are feeling uncomfortable, especially when she is very swept up with something else. She seems significantly stranger than my ENFJ friend. 

ENFJs are compelled to make other people feel good all the time, and always notice feelings. My ENFJ friend forces small talk for social ease, readily asks if I need help, goes out of his way to talk about my problems, and is very mindful of niceties like writing proper emails and thanking people profusely. While he isn't rigidly obsessed with tradition, he is very proper and extremely self-sacrificing, moreso than my ENFP friend. 

2. They are charming in different ways. ENFJs exude more stability, I feel like, and are masterful manipulators who rarely make faux pas. ENFPs are charming in their quirkiness; while they may say things that sound unusual, and they don't go out of their way to flatter, they win people with their genuine, open nature. Socially, I think ENFJs are slightly more graceful because they are more focused on the here-and-now and communicate more clearly and conventionally. 

3. I think ENFJs are more aware of their environment, maybe due to Se (though the functions and things have their flaws). They also tend to enjoy working out more, I think, and eating is more of a priority too. My ENFJ is obsessed with restaurants and food lol. My ENFP friend forgets to eat sometimes.

4. ENFJs are more decisive and thus seem more dominating. ENFPs have been known especially to waffle for ages. Both types are always busy, but ENFJs seem more disciplined in their schedules and are more likely to take on leadership roles. 

5. I feel like my ENFJ is determined to save the world and feels like helping other people is valuable in its own right, whereas my ENFP friend is significantly less concerned with volunteerism. This is not to say ENFPs are not altruistic--far from it--it just seems like ENFJs are more likely to make altruism their reason to live, whereas ENFPs seem to live instead for new experiences (dominant Fe vs. Ne). 

Disclaimer: Small sample size. 
But in general, I feel like P vs J is a noticeable difference.


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## cudibloop (Oct 11, 2012)

ENFPs have a childlike spirit, while ENFJs are very much 'adults'.


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## EmpathNFP (Dec 13, 2012)

Thank-you so much for the feedback so far. I get excited when I read your responses because I will think, "Yes, that's definitely me!", but then something else will appear and I will think, "Oh no, that sounds like me too!" 

Cudibloop, I am certainly more of an individualist than a pack animal, which makes me sound like an ENFP as you said, and I also have lots of particular, even eccentric values that I adhere deeply to, which would also align with that. However, I feel really responsible for other people's feelings, certainly if they are in a suppressed, ignored group. And when I hear stories of negativity and pain in general, I feel incredibly sympathetic--even to a problematic level (i.e. walking around in a mall, I can be overwhelmed by the pain of others to the point of feeling physical pain in my chest, not uncommon). 

But then Spades, you disagreed with cudi mostly, but in what particular way? I appreciate the distinction you are making between concern with your own values and concern with the concepts around you, but I was not quite sure what you meant by the "concepts around you". I am always forming ideas and seeing patterns based on how people are around me, yet I also feel HIGHLY concerned with my own values and being authentic to them, to a weaknesses of sometimes appearing too self-focused, when actually my emotions are super-concerned with the person in front of me, not that I don't feel very strongly about my own values. I was comforted by how you said that others are confused too, and you think many ENFP's around here are actually ENFJ's. 

Hungry One, your post had so much information in it, which was great for me, very clear distinctions. I am certainly less-concerned with social norms, like I said to cudi. It can get me into trouble for sure. This is the main reason I have thought I must be an ENFP, because I know Fe is so concerned with social norms and I'm not. I'm concerned about people. This part of your #1 made me feel like an ENFP. But "going out of my way to make others comfortable" is totally something my overly-sensitive soul would do, which you said was ENFJ. ? Your #2 was clear for me: I am not as graceful or stable, but kind of like a whirlwind, which sounds ENFP, right? Your #3 is one of the other reasons I have thought, maybe I am ENFJ, because I love working out and eating. But at the same time, I forget concrete things like all the time, which is totally NFP like. I am famous for losing things, etc. Your #4 is another ENFJ. I always seem to end up in leadership positions, even when I try really hard not to. There is something (even self-harmingly) magnetic about the way I tend to behave and get super-passionate/idealistic. And your last one, #5 totally had me stumped! I am so focused on helping other people, not in an "appropriate, volunteer way" but in a help people understand themselves, get caught-up-in-causes kind of way. Yet at the same time, I have referred to myself for years as a connoisseur of emotional experiences and realities, and can live for them way too much. 

Thanks for all y'all's help so far in helping me try to understand which type I am! I have one question that I wonder if you all think is possible. I first typed as ENFJ. Is it possible that, especially as enneagram Type 2's all naturally altruistic, that we can feel overly burdened to help people and struggle with that "I have to fix everything" problem to a point where we become ENFJ when we are ENFP? Is it possible for us to become more controlling and structured in our craze to "save everyone" to the point where we test J when really we are a P? Does it work like that? 

I'd still love any other distinctions people can provide, though this is very helpful!!


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## EmpathNFP (Dec 13, 2012)

cudibloop said:


> ENFPs have a childlike spirit, while ENFJs are very much 'adults'.


Oh and Cudi, that last point you made about ENFP's being childlike while ENFJ's are adults, that is extremely interesting to me. I would say that I used to be much more "adult" but as I found some healing and did some counseling have become a much freer more expressive person, which is when I started testing as an ENFP instead of as an ENFJ.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Very well said @cudibloop i agree with it all, 100%. I just read on another thread that ENFP give equal attention to sympathizing as Fe, i totally disagree. We are very selective who we offer sympathy too. As a matter of fact i rarely give sympathy to anyone, it doesn't feel natural unless they are someone i am very close with, and i feel it is relevant.

And if truth be told i tend to sympathize more with animals than i do with people .


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## EmpathNFP (Dec 13, 2012)

Wow, Muchap, if that was the sole standard for the difference, I certainly would not be an ENFP. Sympathy is common and automatic for me. It is also a value. By the way @MuChApArAdOx what thread were you reading that on--it sounds like a discussion that I could learn from.


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## Jabberbroccoli (Mar 19, 2011)

Spades said:


> I think many ENFP's on this forum are actually ENFJ's, especially the really other-focused ones.


Daayummmm, she callin em out.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

EmpathNFP said:


> Wow, Muchap, if that was the sole standard for the difference, I certainly would not be an ENFP. Sympathy is common and automatic for me. It is also a value. By the way @MuChApArAdOx what thread were you reading that on--it sounds like a discussion that I could learn from.


We are individuals first and foremost, but i related very much to the person i quoted. Sympathy is not automatic for me, unless it meshes with my personal values. Don't get me wrong here, i give my sympathy to those who i deem deserve it. It really depends on the person and the circumstances. Gosh, i don't remember the thread, but if i come across it again, i will mention you and lead you in that direction. It might be helpful to do a search on Fi vs Fe, i'm sure there are threads here that will help you in that regard.

I would also suggest doing your own search away from PerC. Too many subjective responses, or people in general who haven't a clue what they are talking about ; ) There are many sites out there if you are looking for more objective material.


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## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

I do my best, though I'm no expert. From readings, ENFJ functions are, in order of strength, Fe Ni Se Ti and ENFP functions are Ne Fi Te Si, basically the same functions in opposite directions, and slightly swapped order. Because the functions are all completely different, ENFP vs ENFJ should be a big difference compared to ENFJ vs INFJ. But it's also just a theory. That was a tangent. 



EmpathNFP said:


> I am certainly less-concerned with social norms, like I said to cudi. It can get me into trouble for sure. This is the main reason I have thought I must be an ENFP, because I know Fe is so concerned with social norms and I'm not.


 Yup, this part seems very ENFP.


> I'm concerned about people.


 I guess this counts towards both ENFP and ENFJ.


> But "going out of my way to make others comfortable" is totally something my overly-sensitive soul would do, which you said was ENFJ.


I guess that was a little bit unclear since I can imagine the three ENFPs I've known to do the same. ENFX are both sensitive and compassionate. It's just, while my ENFP would completely and eagerly go out of her way to help, my ENFJ brings it up more frequently. Every conversation with my ENFJ inevitably drifts to "How was your week? Is there anything you need help with in your life?" and then he gives me advice or encouragement. It's like a compulsion for him. Every single week he brings it up.


> Your #2 was clear for me: I am not as graceful or stable, but kind of like a whirlwind, which sounds ENFP, right?


Definitely seems so.


> Your #3 is one of the other reasons I have thought, maybe I am ENFJ, because I love working out and eating. But at the same time, I forget concrete things like all the time, which is totally NFP like. I am famous for losing things, etc.


 I think #3 was the least sound of all my observations. There were confounding factors, for example, my ENFJ friend struggled with his weight for a while. My ENFJ friend has also been known to be very absentminded and not very attached to luxuries like Se users are purportedly supposed to be.


> Your #4 is another ENFJ. I always seem to end up in leadership positions, even when I try really hard not to. There is something (even self-harmingly) magnetic about the way I tend to behave and get super-passionate/idealistic.


 Both types are comparatively more likely to be leaders, ENFJ moreso because they are more decisive and enjoy organizing people toward goals, but ENFPs too from sheer charisma, enthusiasm, and social influence.


> And your last one, #5 totally had me stumped! I am so focused on helping other people, not in an "appropriate, volunteer way" but in a help people understand themselves, get caught-up-in-causes kind of way. Yet at the same time, I have referred to myself for years as a connoisseur of emotional experiences and realities, and can live for them way too much.


 Yeah! This last one is a bit perplexing! 

While you don't scream obvious ENFP/ or ENFJ to me, from what I can tell (which really isn't very much), you seem more ENFP. I don't think ENFJs spend so much time deliberating, or at least, the one I know doesn't. He just thinks it through a bit and comes up with a right answer. I think that might be attributable to Ni vs Ne. 

The cool thing is MBTI results are basically based off of questions, so if we bombard you with enough questions, your type will become clear, right? 

So: 
1. How do you feel/ What do you think about pretending to like someone you really don't like? 

2. Do you do things right away or do you procrastinate? 

ENFJ and ENFP just feel different. ENFPs feel colorful and strange while ENFJ feel strong and warm. Long post, my bad, but it's fun.


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## EmpathNFP (Dec 13, 2012)

The Hungry One said:


> I do my best, though I'm no expert. From readings, ENFJ functions are, in order of strength, Fe Ni Se Ti and ENFP functions are Ne Fi Te Si, basically the same functions in opposite directions, and slightly swapped order. Because the functions are all completely different, ENFP vs ENFJ should be a big difference compared to ENFJ vs INFJ. But it's also just a theory. That was a tangent.
> 
> Yup, this part seems very ENFP. I guess this counts towards both ENFP and ENFJ. I guess that was a little bit unclear since I can imagine the three ENFPs I've known to do the same. ENFX are both sensitive and compassionate. It's just, while my ENFP would completely and eagerly go out of her way to help, my ENFJ brings it up more frequently. Every conversation with my ENFJ inevitably drifts to "How was your week? Is there anything you need help with in your life?" and then he gives me advice or encouragement. It's like a compulsion for him. Every single week he brings it up.Definitely seems so. I think #3 was the least sound of all my observations. There were confounding factors, for example, my ENFJ friend struggled with his weight for a while. My ENFJ friend has also been known to be very absentminded and not very attached to luxuries like Se users are purportedly supposed to be. Both types are comparatively more likely to be leaders, ENFJ moreso because they are more decisive and enjoy organizing people toward goals, but ENFPs too from sheer charisma, enthusiasm, and social influence. Yeah! This last one is a bit perplexing!
> 
> ...


Wow, I wish I could tell you how much I appreciated this post! I haven't been on here for very long, but I am thinking, "Really, did this person just take this time to help me out this much? The long post made me feel loved, not remotely annoyed. =) Also, you said something that is extremely clarifying to me. One of the most confusing things as I have asked others and read about this is people tell me that ENFJ's are the charismatic leaders, and ENFP's not so much. You even kind of said that initially, yet here you made a distinction. You said, "Both types are comparatively more likely to be leaders, ENFJ moreso because they are more decisive and enjoy organizing people toward goals, but ENFPs too from sheer charisma, enthusiasm, and social influence." I am definitely this latter type of leader you describe here, but both are obviously leaders! That is so relieving to finally have that make sense. I don't lead by being decisive and because I enjoy organizing people towards goals--in fact I find that tiring and monotonous, boring even. I lead people because of "sheer charisma, enthusiasm, and social influence." Wow, thanks for that distinction. Also, the other confusing thing that has veered me away from ENFP towards ENFJ, besides the leader thing mentioned, is the idea that ENFJ's are really caring and empathetic and ENFP's are more self-focused, but here with this you mentioned how both go "completely and eagerly out of their way to help". The only thing left is that I am that person who always ends up asking how someone is doing and guides the conversation towards self-discovery and self-development. =) This response was so helpful. I think after months of wondering, you might have just helped me decide I actually am an ENFP. 

Probably my favorite, and oddly one of the most clarifying, things you said though, was not some ostensible, concrete observation, but your last statement "ENFJ and ENFP just feel different. ENFPs feel colorful and strange while ENFJs feel strong and warm." When I read this, I could, of course as an NF, just _feel_ the two, and though I think I have some "strong and warm" in me I am definitely more colorful. 

To answer the two questions you put here, "How do I feel/what do you think about pretending to like someone you really don't like?" Well, in general I tend to like people. I tend to find joy in most people, without really trying, even in a way that can make them weirded out. But, avoiding that deter, I would say that I would want to be honest to what I feel quite a bit. I don't like social pretense and abhor being fake. I'm guessing that that is Fi and not Fe? So that would make me ENFP instead of ENFJ? 
As for the second question, I totally don't do things right away. I am a procrastinator. I always get things done and do a rather excellent job (if it's not too immodest to say), but I'm the kind of person who does well under pressure and likes to work that way. I assume this is also ENFP? 

And you even think that it is evidencing that I am an ENFP just by the fact that I am deliberating this long on it? Well, then that is more clarification. 

The first comment you made also brought some clarity, too, the one about how the similarities in terms of functions are between INFJ/ENFJ and ENFP/INFP. That would make sense for me because the type I often get along the best with is INFP's: I love their softness, awe and wonder towards beauty, profound sensitivity, and precious vulnerability. INFJ's and I get along very well, too, because NF's are NF's, but there is a hardness and an appropriateness that can be difficult for me to handle. Sometimes, I prefer the focus that INFJ's can have, because they tend to really accomplish things, but I would say INFP's are easiest for me, which would make sense if I am an ENFP!

Dang, Hungry One, here I have been trying to understand this for months and you come along with two posts and clarify this much for me. Thanks! I will keep thinking about it, but I think you might be bringing me to resolution. I've been unsure what to say to someone who asks for months now, and I think I don't need to be anymore. =)


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## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

I am happy to be of service! Whatever the outcome of your search, I hope you are happy with it and find it helpful :3


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