# Staring (At Women)



## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

Aside from the obvious that one of the reasons why a man would stare head-on at a woman is because he may find her attractive, why else would he stare at her?

Did it ever occurred to you men out there that, oh I don't know, staring is actually _rude?_ I've read plenty of posts from men writing about this and that "Women should stop complaining about this, etc etc."

I for one try my best not to stare at people because it's incredibly rude and it's creepy to do. Even if an attractive man is near me, I try not to stare because again, it's rude. I may steal a few quick glances (especially if he isn't looking) but then that's it. Why can't men do this for women too?

Do you just enjoy watching a woman squirm and feel insecure when you stare at her? Is this some sort of revenge tactic against women for some reason?


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

I saw a video of women catching men in the act of staring, and it kind of horked me off because of how confrontational they were about it. I was especially miffed because I felt women did it too. 

So, I went to a local mall, got some food, sat there and took notes. I decided to call a stare anything that lasted longer than a second (because you're in a crowd and have to track people going by), and went for about an hour before the results were too obvious to continue bothering: Women stare more than men. 

I know what you're thinking "I don't look at men that much, and not in that way." Well, that's true. I think that ratio, of looking at the opposite sex was something like five to one against men. However, you women look at each other (by the definition listed above) about twice as often as men look at you. 

I'm sure it just comes down to us having a culture where you all are more interesting look at by the virtue of what we call beauty, but still, it seems to be pretty deep down in both sexes. 

Still, otherwise, if I stare at a woman, it's mostly because I don;t think I'll get caught, and it doesn't feel as rude that way.


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## La Li Lu Le Lo (Aug 15, 2011)

I don't do it if they can see me...and there's a difference between innocent staring and staring to make people uncomfortable.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

ForsakenMe said:


> Did it ever occurred to you men out there that, oh I don't know, staring is actually _rude?_ [...]


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## Pseudowho (Jun 18, 2011)

Oh, these first world problems we do have.

Women stare at men just as much. Sometimes a little more subtly, but I've seen women gawp and drool over men like they were pieces of meat. Because it's bad if a man does it, but acceptable if a woman does it? Don't try to act like women are any more virtuous than men  I find that insulting (and I'm not even a man).

Try to get over it? Or, do what I do when I want to get rid of someone. Pull a face like you are FUCKING TERRIFIED and hold it. Hold it right at them until they think you're a freak and look away. Problem solved.


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Pseudowho said:


> Try to get over it? Or, do what I do when I want to get rid of someone. Pull a face like you are FUCKING TERRIFIED and hold it. Hold it right at them until they think you're a freak and look away. Problem solved.


Oh, dear god. That's a nuclear option. I'd have trouble sleeping for a week if that happened. 

Then again, pain is the great teacher....


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

Pseudowho said:


> Because it's bad if a man does it, but acceptable if a woman does it?


Yes. I believe in female supremacy and the genocide of the male gender.


* *




Of course not. I do believe that women do the same and I find that rude too. I think staring in general is rude, and it's kind of disheartening to have people tell others to just "get over it" as if good manners really are out of style. I'm willing to bet that the people who stare at others like that wouldn't appreciate it if the shoe was on the other foot.


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

> I think staring in general is rude, and it's kind of disheartening to have people tell others to just "get over it" as if good manners really are out of style. I'm willing to bet that the people who stare at others like that wouldn't appreciate it if the shoe was on the other foot.


I think this would be an interesting discussion. You might be surprised how much more comfortable some people are with being started at on the one hand, but on the other, they may also be surprised with the thoughts that can whirl through one's head when they're unintentionally a center of attention.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

It is very unnerving for someone to keep looking at you whether they're checking you out or not. I understand that we look at each other and thats fine we're not blind and we like to look at the shapes that make up the form that our brain naturally goes ooo I like.
It is rude though to stare openly, you can look have glances but i'm sure anyone would be thinking wtf is that person thinking if they look at you non-stop. 
You got to wonder why you warrant so much attention, in a crowd of people only glancing and moving past one another to have this person's eyes burn into you. But yes you wanting to go away isn't going to make it go away so you'll have to change your perception on it so that you aren't bothered by it or react differently to it. Like going up to some of these guys and asking what the fuck they're looking at or you could ask nicely because not everyone is a prick and perhaps some of these guys are zoning out.


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

bellisaurius said:


> I think this would be an interesting discussion. You might be surprised how much more comfortable some people are with being started at on the one hand, but on the other, they may also be surprised with the thoughts that can whirl through one's head when they're unintentionally a center of attention.


Yes. The sentence "Undressing one with their eyes" comes to mind here whenever I get stared at for ten minutes straight. I'd be a stripper if I liked it.


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

Wellsy said:


> It is very unnerving for someone to keep looking at you whether they're checking you out or not. I understand that we look at each other and thats fine we're not blind and we like to look at the shapes that make up the form that our brain naturally goes ooo I like.
> It is rude though to stare openly, you can look have glances but i'm sure anyone would be thinking wtf is that person thinking if they look at you non-stop.
> You got to wonder why you warrant so much attention, in a crowd of people only glancing and moving past one another to have this person's eyes burn into you. But yes you wanting to go away isn't going to make it go away so you'll have to change your perception on it so that you aren't bothered by it or react differently to it. Like going up to some of these guys and asking what the fuck they're looking at or you could ask nicely because not everyone is a prick and perhaps some of these guys are zoning out.


Yeah, it also makes me nervous. Not because of the whole attraction thing, but it could also mean something dangerous. Like the person is a downright nut and wants to hurt me for what ever reason being, and so he keeps his eyes on me like a tiger on his prey.

I remember staring at people but then mentally tell myself "Stop staring, you're being obnoxious!" and I look elsewhere. It's just common courtesy but the few replies on this thread just tells me that it's not necessary anymore and to hell with any woman who doesn't feel very comfortable with being stared at like a piece of meat. I wonder what's next; _"Stop complaining about people groping you! You should feel attractive and thankful that they find you attractive enough to do it!"_


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

Double post because PerC is being weird. :/


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

@ForsakenMe

I can see your viewpoint and understand. I do disagree it's something that you can just get over and it's one of those things that women do consider creepy but i'm not sure what a woman can do other than be direct. You can't control other people's actions especially something like this, you don't have to put up with it but you need some way for you to feel comfortable.
It'd be pretty shit if you didnt feel comfortable just shopping or walking down the street because some guy is staring you down, I dont think many men sympathize/empathize with it because women aren't typically as open or aggressive with their perving on us.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

I suppose it depends when, how, where and why people were staring at me or vice versa. I agree, staring is considered rude. It's considered rude because amongst us mammals, staring at someone is a sign of fight or flight. It's a reaction to conflict as a general rule. Maybe that's why many people find it uncomfortable, or more aptly, slightly threatening. Coy and quick stolen glances are supposed to be the polite and appropriate way of handling those that catch our eye. 

As for why, and note, this is rank speculation on my part; but there is an ever growing tendency for sexual arousal to be linked with or go hand in hand with violence. Since staring is often a sign of challenge or reaction to potential violence, the staring kind of makes sense. That women do it too is obviously taken for granted, women can be just as aggressive in both psychosexual and physical ways as men.


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

Wellsy said:


> @ForsakenMe
> 
> I can see your viewpoint and understand. I do disagree it's something that you can just get over and it's one of those things that women do consider creepy but i'm not sure what a woman can do other than be direct. You can't control other people's actions especially something like this, you don't have to put up with it but you need some way for you to feel comfortable.
> It'd be pretty shit if you didnt feel comfortable just shopping or walking down the street because some guy is staring you down, I dont think many men sympathize/empathize with it because women aren't typically as open or aggressive with their perving on us.


I mean, THE ONLY WAY I can totally understand why a man would openly stare at me is if I'm wearing clothing that either attracts attention due to it's bright colors or something to that effect, or I'm exposing a few of my physical perks. Then I can understand and have no right to complain. Or if I happen to doll up that day and look stunning, then yeah, can't complain.

But if I'm wearing modest, casual clothing and I'm not dolled up at all, then I don't understand why.

I might as well spend the rest of my life staring back at them with a scary expression on my face and emotionally scar enough men in this world to quit doing that to others. And women too if they try to pull that crap on me.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Yes I agree, I don't like it either, its quite creepy actually and usually makes me want to walk the other direction which I usually do.


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## onebelo (Apr 10, 2012)

ForsakenMe said:


> I mean, THE ONLY WAY I can totally understand why a man would openly stare at me is if I'm wearing clothing that either attracts attention due to it's bright colors or something to that effect, or I'm exposing a few of my physical perks. Then I can understand and have no right to complain. Or if I happen to doll up that day and look stunning, then yeah, can't complain.
> 
> But if I'm wearing modest, casual clothing and I'm not dolled up at all, then I don't understand why.
> 
> I might as well spend the rest of my life staring back at them with a scary expression on my face and emotionally scar enough men in this world to quit doing that to others. And women too if they try to pull that crap on me.


lol wait, you have no problem with people staring when you're dolled up, but if your wearing normal clohes its unacceptable?

and what it is the diffeence here, exactly?


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)




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## Cetanu (Jan 20, 2012)

ForsakenMe said:


> I mean, THE ONLY WAY I can totally understand why a man would openly stare at me is if I'm wearing clothing that either attracts attention due to it's bright colors or something to that effect, or I'm exposing a few of my physical perks. Then I can understand and have no right to complain. Or if I happen to doll up that day and look stunning, then yeah, can't complain.
> 
> But if I'm wearing modest, casual clothing and I'm not dolled up at all, then I don't understand why.
> 
> I might as well spend the rest of my life staring back at them with a scary expression on my face and emotionally scar enough men in this world to quit doing that to others. And women too if they try to pull that crap on me.


Emotionally scar them? When does that actually happen?

People sometimes stare at me... I stare back... they look away because they can't handle it (or something)

If someone does the *look, then look away* I hold a stare at them and let anger and death seep out of my eyes. Usually thinking about how you're going to kill them gives off a hostile vibe.

Oh and sometimes they look back in horror, actual horror, in which case I grin widely and uncontrollably. They must think I am crazy.


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## MelissaC (May 23, 2012)

Where I grew up, you don't stare, or even look straight at, strangers. You might get shot. Head up, eyes straight ahead, mind your periphery, exude an attitude of "Don't fuck with me or I'll murder you with the switchblade I'm carrying." That's how you survive in Detroit.

When I moved to Montana I was shocked by the amount of blatant staring they employed. Toward the end of my stint there I was so fed up with Montanans that I took to being much more confrontational than I had ever been. One time I looked someone straight in the eye from halfway down a grocery aisle and said, "Would you like me to pose?" "Huh?" said the inbred (I'm a little bitter). "I said, would you like me to pose. You keep staring at me and I'm not sure what you expect me to do."

So I've been to both extremes and survived. Now the whole non-issue falls squarely in the "mildly annoying but ultimately harmless" category. Thank you, suburbs.


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## stone100674 (Jun 22, 2012)

ForsakenMe said:


> Hmmm!
> 
> Now that you put it that way, I suddenly feel a little bad for being so riled up about innocent staring. Maybe people just zone out and I happen to be in their eyesight. I suppose now I should learn to let it go.


I zone out all the time: I am lost in a mental process and not actually seeing anything, although I realize how it may appear.


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## Pseudowho (Jun 18, 2011)

Pahah, oh jeez ^ ^; One falls asleep for a night and wakes to see 8 more pages added. Wunderbar.

Seriously though, I read through all this thread (which is rare for me), and I love seeing so many interesting opinions.

The way I see this whole staring issue is, I'm personally not bothered by it. It doesn't damage me or make me (personally) feel uncomfortable in any way. If it were making me, or someone else uncomfortable, I would step in with the face. Something like this: (If you're a more sensitive person than I, I understand your point of view completely)


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## Palaver (Jan 5, 2010)

too INTP to pick one name said:


> There's only one type of woman I stare at.


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## gurlygurl (Aug 19, 2011)

Honestly, I don't mind being "stared" at if the guy doesn't look like a total creep, or if the guy doesn't look like he's "undressing me with his eyes" if he's just looking over at my outfit or something like that [which I do with men and women alike] then I really don't care [and yes, you can tell when a guy is creepily staring and when he's just looking]. Also, if it's a guy friend of mine [which happens more often then just simple strangers. Either that or I don't notice when strangers do it as often. . .] I don't mind as much. Because then he's not really staring because I'm attractive skin-deep it's also he finds me attractive as a person, which is a compliment. =)

Usually if I stare at a guy, he's either wearing a super hot outfit, he looks like a celebrity, he looks like someone that I know or I know him and I find him very attractive as a person. In which case I will openly give him a look up and down his torso and then smile at him.


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## Greencup (Jun 21, 2012)

I stare at people without meaning to so I assume that if someone does it to me it's an accident.


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## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

INTJellectual said:


> I really don't like it when men stare. It's so fckn RUDE! It makes me feel uncomfortable. I really hate it when men fixed a stare at me for more than 10 seconds. It's like they're ogling. That's why I really don't stare at them if I caught them staring at me. I avoid eye contact.


 I love it when men stare. I look right at them and wink. They look embarassed to be caught staring. Maybe it's because they can never have me, and I know it.


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## INTJellectual (Oct 22, 2011)

gurlygurl said:


> Usually if I stare at a guy, he's either wearing a super hot outfit, he looks like a celebrity, he looks like someone that I know or I know him and I find him very attractive as a person. In which case I will openly give him a look up and down his torso and then smile at him.


 Me too, I would also look at a handsome person with nice outfit but if he caught me staring at him, I wouldn't hold my stare for so long, and I feel embarrassed if he caught me staring at him.:tongue: And I usually stare if I saw some white man walking around the street or standing by. I would look at him from head to foot. And longer stare for his face.

There was once this gay with a super ostentatious outfit who happened to ride in the bus I was in. But it's not the outfit that was so conspicuous, it was his red with a yellow contact lens! I suddenly remembered the Twilight vampires. All of the people in the bus stared at him, and I also stared at him for so long. I saw him grinning while he's being looked at. He obviously enjoyed the attention.


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## INTJellectual (Oct 22, 2011)

killerB said:


> I love it when men stare. I look right at them and wink. They look embarrassed to be caught staring. Maybe it's because they can never have me, and I know it.


Ha, I would never wink at them, lol:laughing:. I suddenly give this unfriendly antisocial vibe if they try to stare at me.


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## timeless (Mar 20, 2010)

*stares at @Eerie* Ohhh yes .


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

I've never stared at a member of the opposite sex before, so I find it quite odd.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

timeless said:


> *stares at @Eerie* Ohhh yes .


Two can play that game.











*stares back*


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## Antichrist (Apr 6, 2012)




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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

Lmao why do my threads always get so crazy...


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

ForsakenMe said:


> Lmao why do my threads always get so crazy...


:tongue: sorrryyyy


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Sometimes I don't even mean to stare. I'm just thinking and my friend will tell me off for staring. I'm not even paying attention to whatever is around me at this point. 

I don't mind is people stare for more than a second, because some people are just curious. It's how they stare which is inappropriate.


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## wisdom (Dec 31, 2008)

The last time I can remember consciously staring was over a decade ago, and I wasn't at my mental health best then.

These days, I steal glances. I might look longer if it's from afar and I'm conceivably not looking at a specific person. That happened today. Even if I'm in my car and have virtually no chance of being caught, I don't stare. I do not want to get into a "creeper" & superficial mindset.

/mentally stares at ForesakenMe


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## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

ForsakenMe said:


> Aside from the obvious that one of the reasons why a man would stare head-on at a woman is because he may find her attractive, why else would he stare at her?
> 
> Did it ever occurred to you men out there that, oh I don't know, staring is actually _rude?_ I've read plenty of posts from men writing about this and that "Women should stop complaining about this, etc etc."
> 
> ...


Haha, "is this some type of revenge tactic". Funny.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

well some of the reasons could be that you are attractive, wildly odd looking, have something (in your teeth, in your hair, a stain somewhere etc) on you, look like someone they know, look like someone famous, look oddly out of place (like a white american in urban asia), are making a scene (maybe you were louder than you thought), dont match (did you check that your socks match or that you arent wearing contrasting patterns? these are just some ideas.

likely they are just taking a mental image for some future "self-loving". (grossed out now arent ya?)


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## MisterD (Feb 24, 2010)

When I walk into a room I scan the environment & categorize everyone in the room. I cannot help it, it's just a natural instinct for me...

The main reason that I would continue to stare at a woman after a glance is to observe her mannerisms & see how she carries herself. I can tell a lot about a woman about how she carries herself. 

Other times, I just have to stop & admire beauty.


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## ForsakenMe (Aug 30, 2010)

Thanks to you guys, I am feeling more comfortable with the staring. I realize that not all staring is out of malicious intent or even for sexual reasons. People just look because, well, they just do and it's about as normal as breathing.

Me personally, though, I try to not stare at others. It's just something I was brought up to believe; to respect others as much as you can. ^^


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## da_gobbo (Feb 26, 2012)

usally whne i'm staring i'm not, because altohugh i'm staring its not at whoevers in that direction, my minds wandered (again) and my eyes are just pointing wherever they happene dto be pointing when it wandered


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