# I hate losing.



## Lunarprox (Feb 16, 2012)

I'm not sure if this's the cause of a specific function/ennaegram and I'm not really a sore loser, I just don't like the thought of being less competent than others. When I lose a game, especially strategy or mind games, it really annoys me (I don't express it, but I always think over my mistakes and what I should have done and what not). Well okay -- maybe I am a sore loser :/. This doesn't happen when I play games over the net, only when I am exposed and really put a lot of effort into something. I can be extremely arrogant and not meet up to my expectations, then end up hurting myself. I never start a game I can't win, I need everything figured out lol. Ohh, I hate sore losers also. 

Can this be described?


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

The better question is, does anybody actively LIKE losing? I don't think there is a person in this world that would strive to lose (barring extraordinary circumstances). The key to not worrying about losing so much is a) not taking things (too) seriously and b) treat every lose like a learning experience. If you learn from every loss, losing becomes less of a big deal. Age also plays a factor. As a kid, I was a sore loser, but I have since "grown" out of it.

That being said, striving to exude competence is stereotypically something an enneagram type 3 does.


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## HandiAce (Nov 27, 2009)

I agree with everything @_bigtex1989_ wrote. Most people dislike losing and Enneagram Threes especially hate being associated with failure. Some view losing as an opportunity to learn or they simply don't take certain things too seriously. Threes are likely not to be like the latter

@_NeonSyph3_ , try to explain a little more exactly WHY YOU hate losing and maybe we can pinpoint a certain type of function. From what I read in your original post, you mentioned not meeting your own expectations and disliking how your efforts do not correlate to your success. That to me might suggest Te and Fi because you don't just like to win for the sake of power only, but you like to win because you utilized a strategy that followed a straight line of reasoning. Not to mention you said you never start games you know you can't win. A strong Te-user would say something like that if he or she believes that you need empirical evidence to prove to people you have the abilities and the know-how to do whatever it you aspire to do. 

Tell me, do you dislike it when you hear of certain people persistently working hard to make a lot of profit, yet some people out of luck end up with more profits hardly trying?

Keep in mind, there is nothing wrong with how you feel and being/having been a sore loser every now and then has some positives to it.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Presumably, you mean losing in the sense of losing at an inconsequential game. No one _likes_ losing and I agree with @_bigtex1989_ . However, the odds are there are times when you will lose and how you handle the loss is what really separates a winner from a loser.


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## Intelligent (Feb 24, 2012)

You are a confirmed human, there's your explanation.


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## Blazy (Oct 30, 2010)

You must be autistic.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

This isn't MBTI related, but if you hate losing more than other people seem to, you're probably an enneagram type 3. Still, as others have said, this tendency isn't limited to 3s.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

You're defining a significant part of your self-worth on being victorious. I think everyone does this to an extent, and I've struggled with it -especially as a child. Maybe you place merit on things like strategy and mind games because you feel you have a niche/above-average competence in those areas. When someone else outperforms you in these things you feel threatened or inferior because it forces you to look at your weaknesses and compare your image with others. This is a pride and envy thing and a self-esteem problem if it's causing a significant amount of stress to you.


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## Lunarprox (Feb 16, 2012)

There's a lot to add and unfortunately time is not sufficient so I'll keep it brief. I can't stand the idea of someone being better than me at anything unless it's a person I've consciously acknowledged. Many tell me that I take small games too seriously (while I rarely express what I feel when I win/lose - sometimes it just happens), what annoys me is that I put everything into most types of competition (but mind games in general -- or rather, games where I can somehow control the outcome), those that I don't -- I don't feel too much. Luck games for example.

"does anybody actively LIKE losing?"
It's the way I respond to losing that troubles me. Some time ago I was extremely bothered with the way I _wrote_ essays, small details would have me rewrite the entire thing and it really exhausted me. I was striving for absurd perfection KNOWING it'd really get me nowhere. It doesn't bother me too much now. 

"Tell me, do you dislike it when you hear of certain people persistently working hard to make a lot of profit, yet some people out of luck end up with more profits hardly trying?"

I do but I'd be more mad at myself for not reconegizing the factors. I usually stay away from things I can't control the outcome of, so if it's a poker game (that is more luck based) I simply won't participate or just play for fun. If it is a strategy game, yes. 

Why things like this make me mad? I'm not entirely sure, I had a rough childhood and I really had no confidence to begin with. I was always seeking ways prove competence to primarily myself and people around me. When I grew up I got more obsessed in winning, nowadays I play to win while sometimes ignoring others' feelings. I played chess the other day and I got mad because my friend resigned early in the game (the outcome couldn't be predicted), I'm not sure why I got annoyed -- did I want to embarrass him? Was I not satisifed with the results? I feel like I have to prove my competence to feel satisfied in the end. 

I read something about neurotic perfectionism years ago, I'll read and come back.


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## Finagle (Jun 4, 2011)

Your goal is to win. You loose. You then feel bad.

so...
Change your goal?
Loosing will then be inconsequential.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

I'm sort of similar. And I hear you on the essay thing - I do that too.

But in my case, it's leaving a voicemail I loathe more than anything. I make it an enormous, RIDICULOUS ordeal, deleting and re-recording it over and over and over and over and over and over and over...I think my record was 23 times. 

That's not a joke.

And eventually, I'm practically growling/yelling the messages because I'm so irate that I can't get it right, which results in YET ANOTHER delete and redo....

I hate voicemails. If I hear the slightest thing wrong with my wording or my voice, I'll delete and redo. Now I actually write out scripts for my voicemails and rehearse them beforehand. 

I really don't know why I'm so weird about voicemails.

Sorry for the hijacked rant. *deletes and re-answers*

I have had people suggest that I'm a 3...so if you're in a similar boat, consider it.


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## Lunarprox (Feb 16, 2012)

dagnytaggart said:


> I'm sort of similar. And I hear you on the essay thing - I do that too.
> 
> But in my case, it's leaving a voicemail I loathe more than anything. I make it an enormous, RIDICULOUS ordeal, deleting and re-recording it over and over and over and over and over and over and over...I think my record was 23 times.
> 
> ...


I have neurotic perfectionism -- getting better though. Thanks!


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

NeonSyph3 said:


> I have neurotic perfectionism -- getting better though. Thanks!


Now we are heading down E1 territory.


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## Lunarprox (Feb 16, 2012)

mushr00m said:


> Now we are heading down E1 territory.


Clearly, I hope this thread will be helpful to others like me.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

NeonSyph3 said:


> Clearly, I hope this thread will be helpful to others like me.


You might want to post in the enneagram forum if you plan on knowing your type which can be an incredibly useful thing to know. Here is the questionnaire - http://personalitycafe.com/whats-my-enneagram-type/84019-enneagram-questionnaire.html


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## Bing Babyshark (Mar 3, 2012)

in Jungian analysis, there's something that builds up the ego.
it's complex. I think it's some kind of tendency.
you might want to find out.
it's related with what you had experienced in your childhood and you can't get over with it then it influence your mind up until now.
sounds like trauma, but I think it's not only about that.


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