# how do i hide money from my mom and make her think i dont have any to spare



## Mr.Blayz (Nov 20, 2012)

after a long and arduous endeavor of finding a job, I found work at a place that pays 180 at the end of each week, i plan on going on tour soon, and i need a car, theres a world of opportunity waiting for me

but one thing is holding me back. I live with my mom and shes shit with money. I can't save up anything because she guilt trips me into lending her money for shit that she got herself into. She tells me she can definitely pay me back the next day and looks so stressed. So i give her the money. Next day rolls around, the first thing she says "oh I only made ______ money this week" in other words "i cant pay you back, but i might later" If i bring it up later she goes "what money" She rarely shows remorse.

I feel kind of obligated to help her in a way because she spent so much money on me as a kid, but i dont want to be stuck in the Sh*t hole forever and watch all these golden opportunities pass me by

Its best she doesnt even know I have money, but she cant not see me going to work, idk wtf to do


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

Make yourself a priority. 

She's been able to manipulate you because you are her child. Once you are on tour, she'll find other ways to get by. It depends on how guilty you feel. If you pay rent/groceries, after you're gone, you can always pay her "maintenance" (some Eastern cultures practice this tradition of paying a little bit to your parents every month). 

But you have your own life, you need to be independent and stand up for yourself.


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## Clyme (Jul 17, 2014)

I agree with @stiletto completely.

That said, if you do want to hide your money, maybe put it in a bank account with a low withdrawal limit and convince her that you're unable to withdraw it. Perhaps if you need to reach a minimum amount so they don't charge you for using it, let her know that you need to reach that. Anything you might 'need' to invest in could be a suitable excuse. Still, I highly recommend what stiletto said. It'll be better for you in the long-run. It'll also be better for her as well I imagine. She'll need to find a way to stop depending on you eventually. It's just a matter of whether it's now or later.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Let's see, who raised you and spend money on you as a child? Your mom!You have some responsibility to look after her, it doesn't have to be giving her money to spend on stuff. What does she spend money on? Power bills? groceries? or alcohol and makeup? You need to talk firmly but nicely to her about how you feel, and that your money is something that you worked hard for, and it's yours. You don't have to give her money in return for appreciation, but you can help out around the house etc. so it won't be such a 'shit hole'. 
I can understand your frustration, but you won't have your mother forever, and it's nice to give something back to the person who raised you, even if they do things that frustrate you.


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## lackofmops (Mar 13, 2014)

Don't give her the freaking money. Suppress your natural instincts. You owe her NOTHING. You will feel so proud of yourself if you can turn her down.


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## lackofmops (Mar 13, 2014)

ForestPaix said:


> Let's see, who raised you and spend money on you as a child? Your mom!You have some responsibility to look after her, it doesn't have to be giving her money to spend on stuff. What does she spend money on? Power bills? groceries? or alcohol and makeup? You need to talk firmly but nicely to her about how you feel, and that your money is something that you worked hard for, and it's yours. You don't have to give her money in return for appreciation, but you can help out around the house etc. so it won't be such a 'shit hole'.
> I can understand your frustration, but you won't have your mother forever, and it's nice to give something back to the person who raised you, even if they do things that frustrate you.


Except there are tons of parents that don't make such ridiculous demands. You're sticking up for someone who emotionally manipulates her own children. Give this guy a break.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

lackofmops said:


> Except there are tons of parents that don't make such ridiculous demands. You're sticking up for someone who emotionally manipulates her own children. Give this guy a break.


I'm not sticking up for her....neither am I hating on this guy. There could be a myriad of factors to this story that we don't know about. We only hear one side of the story, and without all the facts. 
For all he knows, she could have dementia or something like that, and the least he can do it try to give back a little (in the form of say, simply doing the dishes)to her who, as he said himself, spent a lot of money on him when he was younger. 
He needs to have a firm talk with her and not lend her the money any more.


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## lackofmops (Mar 13, 2014)

ForestPaix said:


> I'm not sticking up for her....neither am I hating on this guy. There could be a myriad of factors to this story that we don't know about. We only hear one side of the story, and without all the facts.
> For all he knows, she could have dementia or something like that, and the least he can do it try to give back a little (in the form of say, simply doing the dishes)to her who, as he said himself, spent a lot of money on him when he was younger.
> He needs to have a firm talk with her and not lend her the money any more.


You're right, I overreacted and jumped to judgement. No hard feelings?


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

lackofmops said:


> You're right, I overreacted and jumped to judgement. No hard feelings?


No hard feelings


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## Reluctanine (May 11, 2014)

Go up to her and tell her that you need to save up the money for your future, including putting away funds for an emergency, for possible further education, for a possible family you might want in future. "Do you want to take away money from your grandchild in future?"

The first few times she might still insist. Have her sign an IOU, since she's borrowing it from you. Or even better, buy whatever she needs for her instead of handing her money directly.

Yes, we should be filial to our parents, but filial piety involves respect and it goes two ways. You're basically being treated like an ATM here. It's your money, how much you want to give her is up to you, not her.


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## Mr.Blayz (Nov 20, 2012)

ForestPaix said:


> Let's see, who raised you and spend money on you as a child? Your mom!You have some responsibility to look after her, it doesn't have to be giving her money to spend on stuff. What does she spend money on? Power bills? groceries? or alcohol and makeup? You need to talk firmly but nicely to her about how you feel, and that your money is something that you worked hard for, and it's yours. You don't have to give her money in return for appreciation, but you can help out around the house etc. so it won't be such a 'shit hole'.
> I can understand your frustration, but you won't have your mother forever, and it's nice to give something back to the person who raised you, even if they do things that frustrate you.


the situation at hand is she has a job that she likes too much to quit but the job doesnt have enough work, i just payed for her overdrafted account, and just recently she asked for the electric bill. I understand we need electric, i would be happy to pay for half, but the whole thing. I'm a kid, I'm trying to get out of here, but I need to save up the money to get out of here, when I make something of myself I might even be able to support her more and it not be a big deal. If I keep spending 200 dollars a week when I only make 180, Im not going to get anywhere. every pay check I lose more money than I gain. I could get a second job, why should i have to get a second job when she doesnt have a second job. why am I working 8 hours a day to stay in this house forever and play computer chess and not have any time to do anything or have any resources to make something of myself in this sh*t town


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I have a best friend that her mom has done that same thing her whole adult life. And we are now 30 and her mom has finely had to be much more responsible for herself. Even when she moved out of her moms and thought her mom would stop asking for money, her mom just started to stay at her place to save on gas and consume he expenses that way. 

You need to say you don't have it. Say you are paying off bills or something. 

If you never stop giving she will never stop asking.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Mr.Blayz said:


> the situation at hand is she has a job that she likes too much to quit but the job doesnt have enough work, i just payed for her overdrafted account, and just recently she asked for the electric bill. I understand we need electric, i would be happy to pay for half, but the whole thing. I'm a kid, I'm trying to get out of here, but I need to save up the money to get out of here, when I make something of myself I might even be able to support her more and it not be a big deal. If I keep spending 200 dollars a week when I only make 180, Im not going to get anywhere. every pay check I lose more money than I gain. I could get a second job, why should i have to get a second job when she doesnt have a second job. why am I working 8 hours a day to stay in this house forever and play computer chess and not have any time to do anything or have any resources to make something of myself in this sh*t town


I can't believe so anyone is expecting a young adult to take care of their able bodied parent. 

It would be different if she was even disabled or something. 

My dad always asked me for hand outs too. I remember him always having a bottle of liquor yet having the nerve to ask my ex husband for some money for "groceries" when we were struggling young parents. 

So I empathize with you. 

You might just have to get two jobs or find a room mate and move out. Nothing is ever really ideal. But if you want to change your circumstance. 

I am saying this as someone who has crawled out of the gutter. DO what ya gotta do. Its not fair and I do not agree with these people shaming or guilting you. I do however strongly urge you to look into whatever you have to do to improve your station so you don't have to live like this. Even if it means getting two jobs to save up money and moving into a cheap shit hole with a room mate. Where theres a will theres way. I am not speaking from non experience. You have to look around you and then look at your potential and then remember that no one will hand you anything. You can do it!


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## Primeval (Dec 4, 2011)

Once one becomes responsible for oneself, one is always responsible for oneself. The burden of support does not pass from parent to child. It does not, or should not, reverse. It sounds as if only consequences will force a change. If you are willing to pay for half of any given bill, which is perfectly acceptable, give her only half. Not one cent more. I doubt you have to worry about being forced out if she is so dependent. 

I would say, without preamble, "You are incapable of effectively managing your finances. You must find a new job that supports your expenditures. I cannot, and will not, cover your shortfall."


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

If you're living with your mom are you paying rent, groceries or utilities or anything? Maybe it would be good to say mom I'm willing to pay you X for rent, but I can't do anything more than that. Here's what I'm making, I need to save this much for a car and an apartment so I can go on my own so I really can't do anything more then that. Get her to agree on a reasonable figure. Then stick to it and don't give her anything else.


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