# Are You Mature? How Do You Know?



## Fanille (Sep 3, 2009)

A conversation on Ventrilo about how most people on this forum are more mature than other people of their age got me thinking about the concept of maturity.

Do you describe yourself as "mature"? How do you know whether you're mature or not?

Describing myself as "mature" always felt like an arrogant thing to say and, in my case, a very inaccurate one as well. I guess, to have accomplished what I've accomplished at such a young age does require a certain level of maturity, but personally I don't feel like I've accomplished that much (or at least, not more than I've expected to - I realize that comparing myself to the young celebrities who are making millions of dollars and are under the age of 25 is not the best of comparisons, but then again I am very competitive). And, socially and physically, I feel like I'm a "late bloomer" of sorts.

I guess part of that is that I've always been used to being "the kid" - in school, having been born in September, I was always among the youngest in my class and felt like I was behind in everything. And in a lot of workplaces, and in grad school, I was one of the youngest as well.

And, even as I grow older, there's always that "kid" inside of me that wants to play, and he may even be more prevalent now as I've learned to express myself more. I mean, come on, would you describe a 25-year-old man who gushes over Blake Lively the way teenage boys do as a "mature" person? Yeah, right.


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## Danse Macabre (Oct 30, 2009)

Well... I get told that I'm mature for my age quite a bit. I used to think that that meant that I'm mature, but I recently realised that it doesn't..


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Oh, i'm a child but mature when needed. I'm all play though. :tongue:


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

I would like to think that in a way I am mature, and I think my family sees me as this too. Being the only one in my family to go to college, being able to swear off peer pressure when everybody else has fallen for it, being one of the only few girls in my high school graduating class that didn't get knocked up... I think I have a pretty good head on my shoulders. Not like it's going to be fun or anything, but my grandparents have even made me executor of their will and all finances (even though they have three kids of their own) because they felt I was more qualified. That has to count for something. 

But then again, I don't want to ever fully grow up. I love being a kid! I can accept responsibility when needed, but why take every moment of every single day so seriously? Work hard, but play harder. That's my motto.


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## bannik (Nov 27, 2009)

problem is that being mature is not something that is tangible, we don't know what mature is for example imagine if George bush went outside one day and started to skateboard around his property and in the streets, we would assume that he is acting immature but if tony hawk does this then its him practising his career/sport...its very mature...

also all cultures have a slightly different outlook on mature (usually its wise and calm as the perfect example of someone mature) but that doesn't stop mature acting immature like (warning fictional characters) Yoda in the empire strikes back when he first met luke, acted like a baby or someone like Willy Wonka (not the johnny depp reject son of a goat devil the only real Wonka Gene Wilder) who even though owns a chocolate factory and looks like a reject from a 80s bands still is able too run a multi national successful chocolate factory and only using 1 factory, come on thats awesome business skills.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

*I am more mature than any of you could** possibly imagine!!!!*


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

MannyP said:


> A conversation on Ventrilo about how most people on this forum are more mature than other people of their age got me thinking about the concept of maturity.
> 
> Do you describe yourself as "mature"? How do you know whether you're mature or not?
> 
> ...


It's kind of a mysterious subjective continuum. You just feel it. You probably can't tell when you are mature. But others will be able to tell you more accurately. It's neither here nor there. You can measure it with tools like the maslows Higher Archy Of Needs or perhaps some other psychologists. I suppose it may have something to do with how calm and healthy you are. If you can go throughout the day with a calm firm sense of who you are and where you are going...I'd say you are pretty mature. But that's just my subjective opinion.


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## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

if you are much younger than someone and they call you "mature" for your age, it means either: A) you are not as moronic as they expected or B) they have ulterior motives for you and are counting on you being IMMATURE enough to believe them.


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## djf863000 (Nov 7, 2009)

I have a child in me, but can be mature sometime. I usually act quite silly.


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## Drake (Oct 31, 2009)

I tend to run the whole spectrum. When working or concentrating on something, I tend to be all business, but every once in a while I will cut loose in my off-time. I once organized all the kids at a toy r us to fight red vs blue with the toy riffles. I am still not allowed back into that particular store as far as I know.


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

Drake said:


> I tend to run the whole spectrum. When working or concentrating on something, I tend to be all business, but every once in a while I will cut loose in my off-time. I once organized all the kids at a toy r us to fight red vs blue with the toy riffles. I am still not allowed back into that particular store as far as I know.


You're awesome.



thehigher said:


> It's kind of a mysterious subjective continuum. You just feel it. You probably can't tell when you are mature. But others will be able to tell you more accurately. It's neither here nor there. You can measure it with tools like the maslows Higher Archy Of Needs or perhaps some other psychologists. I suppose it may have something to do with how calm and healthy you are. If you can go throughout the day with a calm firm sense of who you are and where you are going...I'd say you are pretty mature. But that's just my subjective opinion.


I didn't know you could use Maslows Hierarchy of Needs to determine someone's maturity level. Thinking about it now I could see how it would work.

________________________________________

I can be mature at times but I find it's a lot more fun when I act like a "kid"


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## hanscs (Dec 4, 2009)

Someone ever said to me that maturity is the ability to postpone instant gratification


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

I'm awesome, but I'm not mature.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)




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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*A lot more than just my toys to lend*

I can recall a time 
When I wasn't ashamed to reach out to a friend
Now I think I've got
A lot more than just my toys to lend
Now there's more to do
Than watch my sailboat glide
But every day can be 
A magic carpet ride
A little bit of courage is all we lack
So catch me if you can, I'm goin' back


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

A woman at my work told me recently that I act a lot older than I am. I was a bit taken back by that. I assumed that people IRL perceived me as naive and clueless. I tried to get her to elaborate on what she meant, but she wouldn't. I even mentioned my interest in Ghostbusters to persuade her to reconsider her opinion.

It depends on how one defines maturity. If people define maturity by your achievements, income, occupation, or social status then many of the world's most evil leaders would be considered the epitome of maturity. I don't think Hitler would've qualified as a mature individual.

I think maturity has a lot to do with how you treat people. If you show respect and treat others how you want to be treated, that shows a lot more maturity than the size of your bank account or how successful you are.

I also think that people who live in the moment and don't consider the consequences of their actions are immature.


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

How do I know I am mature.. well.. just about everyone who meets me, says. "OH WOW, you're 18? I THOUGHT YOU WERE OLDER THAN ME?" or "I thought you were my age" etc. Most people think I'm in my twenties, because of how I act I guess, I don't act like a fucktard that the majority of 18 year olds are I guess. 

And I would not describe myself as mature, because that almost seems immature to me.. coming up to someone ya just meet "IM MATUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". most people who do that are very immature, and i don't want to associate myself with them. Plus I'd rather woo someone with my sarcastic humor, or my quick wit.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

Two posts brought up my standards of maturity. The first was from hanscs about delayed gratification. A mature person will not sacrifice their career or generally waste their time for something that can be put off until later. I always think of a dog with a treat balanced on his snout when I think of delayed gratification for some reason. If we can wait until we get home, or at least get out of the office before we unleash our carnal desires on the world, we will more mature. A close friend of mine was a _very _mature person who wowed just about anyone he me. He had this incredible charisma about him. What he could do boggles my mind. On the weekend he would do all sorts of abusive things to his body with chemicals, but when Sunday rolled around, he was the very incarnation of professional maturity. I have no idea how he could just throw this switch in his head, but he could do it, seemingly easily. 

The second point was brought up by Spooky. Maturity also is a measure of how well you treat others, or how well you can incorporate others into your decision making and thus your overall effort. Mature people see themselves as part of a bigger whole where as immature people tend to never progress beyond the two year old mentality of "mine". This is evident when you meet people, which coincidentally is when people accuse you of being mature. If you can look them in the eye, be confident and hold a conversation with sincerity, you will come across as mature. 

In both cases, it seems that pleasure is the problem of immaturity. In the first case it was learning to postpone pleasure and the second, learning to seek pleasure for more than just yourself. So, it seems that "mature" mean roughly "able to transcend the selfish egoism of youth."


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

This is a little hard for me to put into words...When someone strikes me as mature it tends to be because of how they react to certain situations. They seem emotionally measured, not hurried, and behave appropriately in numerous and varied situations. I tend to get a sense of calm from them...a knowing of what to do and when. 

I'm not sure I totally agree with the notion that living in the moment or seeking pleasure makes you immature. I think there should be some balance there. Maybe as I have aged I have become less mature and more childlike. I spent most of my youth busting my butt to have things in the future and now that I am older I can see that, well, who knows how much more future I will have? So, today I try to balance that - I live a little for the future and the rest for today and I think the older I get the more that ratio will shift toward living for today.


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## lokariototal (Dec 3, 2009)

You're treating being mature is a YES or NO thing.... I think is rather, How much mature are you? cause you can always always be MORE and more mature... I think being mature is all about knowing how to live the right way. The make that leads to less suffering and more happiness. I think even old and wise people can always mature someway, somehow


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## lokariototal (Dec 3, 2009)

You're treating being mature is a YES or NO thing.... I think is rather, How much mature are you? cause you can always always be MORE and more mature... I think being mature is all about knowing how to live the right way. The make that leads to less suffering and more happiness. I think even old and wise people can always mature someway, somehow


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

I always look at maturity as being able to have fun and still maintain a sense of responsibility. For example, a guy I used to go to school with is friends with one of the local bands in my city. If that band is playing in town it's a given that he will be there. And he'll consume at least $50 in beer easily. Now... Some history on his private life... He's living at home with his parents, he's never moved out on his own... He does not have a job. He is not going to school. His parents give him money when he needs to go out or needs gas. To me, this is being immature. 

It's been over a month since I have gone out because I'm saving as much money as I can for closing costs on a house. Even though I was approved for up to $100,000 loan, I will not look for homes over $85,000 because it's out of my comfort zone. I know that there will be far more expenses than just the mortgage. I'll need money set aside for utilities and groceries. This is being financially responsible, a sign of maturity.

Psychologists argue that on average people are not completely mature until they are around the age of 26... When I was 24 I'm sure I would have argued with this... But, at 28, I'd say areas of it are pretty accurate. At 24, I thought I was still invincible. I thought since I had a degree, a full time job, my own place, my own car, and took care of everything on my own that I was completely mature in every way. I was horribly wrong. I was very immature in the "partying" department. Went out one night, and ended up spending a night in jail after getting a DUI. I was given a chance to complete a program to have the DUI deferred so it never showed up on my license. I can tell you, being given that second chance, I have never done anything like that ever again.

Personally, I view someone that is taking steps to better their life (however they view bettering their life) as someone who is mature.


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## Ninja (Jun 28, 2009)

Yes, my full pube bushell


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

I think maturity essentially is all about balance.

I too agree on the posts about delayed gratification and treatment of others, but I see those factors as simply symptoms of maturity. It's not your ability to delay gratification, or your ability to treat others in a fair way that makes you mature - it's the other way around.

I know the order of extroverted and introverted functions in the MBTI has been subject to some debate, but I found myself to agree with the notion presented on http://www.personalitypage.com, about my primary and auxiliary functions being Ti and Se, and my shadow function being Fe. 
This presents a picture of me, where an unbalanced (too weak) Se, would make me seek instant gratification, in the form of play before work, doing stuff I already know instead of challenging myself, etc.
An underdeveloped Fe, would make it hard for me to accept and adhere to social expectations, and it would make it hard for me to trust others enough to open myself to them, which in turn would make all kinds of social contact a bit harder, both for me and for others.

As with all kinds of development, you can't be good at everything at the same time - you're always taking time and/or other resources from one thing that needs attention to another thing, so I essentially don't think there is a way to be "fully mature" - you'll always be making compromises.


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

OP: Remove!


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## Collossus (Dec 14, 2009)

I considered myself to be mature, not because I just want it to be so, but because I compare myself to the others. Most of the people tend to do mistakes that I used to do when I was younger, and I can "feel" they are yet to reach my "maturity". And because there many situations of this kind, I may say that I am mature (in terms of experience), though some of them are older and even much older than me.


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## Iapetus (Dec 14, 2009)

Who says maturity is a good thing? To me it means you're closer to death. After a piece of fruit reaches maturity - the next step is falling off the tree and rotting. To me maturity means society can start to predict what you are going to do next. Some here say its connected with learning delayed gratification. I think it might be more accurate to say it's a person with faded dreams because the delayed gratification didn't pay off and balance the sacrifices.


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## Trifoilum (Dec 13, 2009)

I..don't think I'm mature yet. Hell, to me, maturity is not a 1/0 question; it's a spectrum. As much as I'd like to think of myself being in the middle of the spectrum, some cases seemed to push that back to early levels. I don't really like it.

I myself do agree maturity is related to postponing pleasure, taken care of others, but most of all, I think it's mainly a huge sense of knowing what you want to do with oneself, a sense of purpose, and probably plans to reach that. In a way, that too involves postponing pleasures or dreams, but not for the sake of 'others' (more individualistic person would disagree), nor 'work' (more carefree person would disagree), but in general, whatever it is that you choose for running your life, and you understand the reason, the risk, the choice.


> Who says maturity is a good thing? To me it means you're closer to death. After a piece of fruit reaches maturity - the next step is falling off the tree and rotting. To me maturity means society can start to predict what you are going to do next. Some here say its connected with learning delayed gratification. I think it might be more accurate to say it's a person with faded dreams because the delayed gratification didn't pay off and balance the sacrifices.


Not really. There's a difference between maturity and becoming a boring....lamb..of society. To be exact, there's a difference between choosing your dreams, even as mundane as it is, and choosing something because that's the safe way / what society demands / the path of least resistance.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

No.

I'm not.

... seriously, anyone crazy enough to dare disagree clearly hasn't met me before :tongue:


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## Alice in Wonderland (Sep 7, 2009)

my post posted twice . . .


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## Alice in Wonderland (Sep 7, 2009)

This was the first year that when my family bought our christmas tree I didn't "fall in love" with any one tree and pressure my family into buying it (which they never do anyway ) and pick out some random ass thing in the christmas store that I simply had to have. A sign of maturity I take it or . . . loss of love?


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## Xemseige (Dec 17, 2009)

I think being mature means that you acknowledge your own personhood. You make your own decisions and draw your own conclusions rather than letting someone else tell you what to think. You do what's best for yourself while knowing that respecting others is beneficial to you, even in your individuality. Gaining wisdom and being understanding are signs of maturity to me. 

I think a person is immature when they don't think of consequences, rely on people, or react to things foolishly. I think a mature person can still be fun loving and keep their quirks. Maturity is just about being a level-headed individual.

I'd say I'm mature, but I could use some work. When it comes to respecting people sometimes I'd rather just be rid of them than make the effort to rid the conflict.


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## Nym (Sep 7, 2009)

Oh yeah I'm wicked mature. I drink coffee and booze, and stay up late. I'm totally mature and if anyone disagrees I'll throw a tantrum and fight you. That's right I'll fight you how that for maturity.


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## dasch (Dec 6, 2009)

mature? depends. I don't think I've matured yet, but there will be a time that I'll mature and by then, that's the time when I can say I'm mature and have grown up.


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## Ben (Aug 23, 2009)

Maturity is understanding what is right and wrong _and _following that understanding, mediating between what you want to do and what you have to do, and some other crap I've forgotten. That being said, I may be mature compared some people my age, but I feel that that's only on the surface. Reflecting on my past actions and thoughts, I don't think I'm any more mature than the rest of 'em.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

I think I just set a new record for my immaturity... :crazy:


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## Darity (Dec 17, 2009)

I'm not mature. I'm still living with my parents. I'm sad because my family thinks we don't need a christmas tree or presents. I like to make irrational decisions, not thinking about the consequences.
I want to be immature. I see a link between maturity and sadness sometimes.

Still I can't deny to be mature to at least to some degree, there are situations where it's pointless to rebel against it.


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