# Is sex as emotional for thinking women as it is for feeling women?



## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

missushoney said:


> I'm a feeler but I don't feel any emotional attachment when having sex. I'm actually worried about it. I wonder if it means I must not really like the person and it'll be different when I actually do, or will it always be like this? I don't know. Now one thing I will say is I am more comfortable and can have fun and like sex when i'm with someone i like and know well, but with strangers it's uncomfortable and i kind of go numb throughout the whole thing.


Why would you even have sex if you felt uncomfortable and numb?


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

Sex is better when it's loving, but I find the act of sex itself doesn't make me more emotional. It's the hugging and cuddling that makes me like him more. Theoretically I don't attach emotions to sex and wouldn't mind "just having sex", but I'm also queasy with men I'm not familiar with seeing my body. I'm extremely private, and many have wondered why you hide those "hourglass curves of yours". Well, _I don't want you ogling me._ It makes me uncomfortable.


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

What do you mean by "sex is a lot more physical for men than it is for women"? 

I'm a feeler and while I think sex is an extremely important part of relationships, I can easily have unattached, passionate, and fun casual sex. I like to have an intense connection, but if the only connection is sexual, then that can be enough for me. 

I think sex within a loving relationship is the best though, because you have the time to really get to know each other and there's a different kind of connection on every level, rather than strictly sexual. 

I've said it before, but the people I had casual sex with are (usually) very different from the people I would want a relationship with.


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## TheOwl (Nov 3, 2010)

The Great One said:


> Still haven't met an ENFP that could do that. **Patiently waits for ENFP's to come to this thread to confirm my point**


My ex-boyfriend is an ENFP, and he does that.
He's told me that he is without-a-doubt an ENFP.
He's told me about his one-night-stands.


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## missushoney (May 16, 2011)

fourtines said:


> Why would you even have sex if you felt uncomfortable and numb?


Well it was one of those times when I did something extreme and drastic for who knows what reason. I'm usually very choosy about guys and not promiscuous. But I thought I'd try it with some guy just for fun. But it wasn't fun. He was horrible and I noticed that I was going numb and wondering what I'd eat for dinner instead of enjoying the moment. But I didn't go into the situation knowing I'd feel that way. Lesson learned though: If I want to do something extreme I'll go skydiving.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

I can't fuck for the thrill. There would be no thrill. I don't understand how other people do. I try to imagine it but I just can't. So this thinking woman says no, I can't do it. I've actually been thinking about becoming celibate for a few years. No relationships or sex, period. Sex sex everywhere. I've grown tired of it.


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## nadjasix (Jun 14, 2011)

Promethea said:


> I disagree with the first premise because many guys I have dated were more emotional about sex.. had to be in the right frame of mind, wanted it to be loving, blahblah.


I've been with men who were significantly more emotional than I am about sex.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I don't view it as an emotional connection. I view sex as something special you do for someone you love. Some people may say that's the same thing but I disagree there.


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## missushoney (May 16, 2011)

Persephone said:


> Sex is better when it's loving, but I find the act of sex itself doesn't make me more emotional. It's the hugging and cuddling that makes me like him more. Theoretically I don't attach emotions to sex and wouldn't mind "just having sex", but I'm also queasy with men I'm not familiar with seeing my body. I'm extremely private, and many have wondered why you hide those "hourglass curves of yours". Well, _I don't want you ogling me._ It makes me uncomfortable.


I feel the same way. I actually get emotional attached more by cuddling and stuff like that than the act of sex too. But I get most attached by talking and thinking and learning. When a guy can stimulate my brain he can stimulate my emotions.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@The Great One

I don't like how you stated that by simply knowing a few ENFP's, that automatically signifies that every F out there wants emotional sex and every T doesn't. First of all, my INFP friend has casual sex without feeling any remorse whatsoever - another example among many that disproved your theory. You're doing the common mistake of confusing F with 'having feelings' and T with 'being unemotional' while really it has nothing to do that. F/T is only about cognitive functions and how you process things around you, NOT your emotional range :dry:

This pisses me off.


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## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

I don't do casual sex at all, and I don't see that changing. I need to have something special with a person before sex can happen.

That said, sex is not emotional to me. It's all very physical.


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## caffeine_buff (Feb 20, 2011)

interesting question, but its probably too much of a generalisation to say that thinker-feeler differences determine this. going by my deep knowledge of only one feeler female friend, no, the main difference might be that she'd handle things more sanely while i complicate the crap out of them. and also, like with every thing else, i tend to imbue sex as well with a lot of associations and overanalyse and overthink it.


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## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

I have to have at least some chemestry with a guy before I can have sex with him, otherwise its just akward, boring and I end up laying there not even paying attention or having any sort of reaction.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

basementbugs said:


> I keep getting different results for that... sometimes I get 'sexual' and sometimes I get 'self-preservation'; never 'social', though. I always test as 4w5, but the variants... well, they vary. Haha. I feel like my answers are generally consistent, but maybe my mood and thoughts at the time of taking the test influence the results more than I think. I dunno, really. I do relate strongly to the definition of the sexual variant, just... not in a _literally_ sexual way.


That makes sense.


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## saltare (Jun 17, 2011)

Sex for me resembles acting in a play. A series of sexual acts, a climax and resolution. The whole time I am essentially putting on a show. I find it difficult if not impossible to feel anything, other than pleasure of course, excitement, and satisfaction (sometimes).

Sometimes I wish this wasn't the case. Oh well.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

I don't know how much it has to do with thinking/feeling functions. I myself find it to be primarily a physical act, which may additionally express affection. My sister is a feeler, on the other hand, and she is so over-the-top romantic about sex that I find her a bit silly.


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## MissyMaroon (Feb 24, 2010)

Not related to type, yet again. But, anyways.. I'm an ENFP, and I have rainbow moods of sex. It isn't just one way. It can be completely physical and primal, and I find it absolutely sexy. There are also times I see sex as just a deeper level of connecting with someone intimately and emotionally, so I'll want to be closer to someone that way. But, nonetheless, I think I always want it to be passionate regardless. I prefer it with someone I actually care about because a sea of random people is meaningless and boring to me. Knowing what turns someone on and their knowing what makes you tick just makes the experience so much better, in my opinion.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

MissyMaroon said:


> Not related to type, yet again. But, anyways.. I'm an ENFP, and I have rainbow moods of sex. It isn't just one way. It can be completely physical and primal, and I find it absolutely sexy. There are also times I see sex as just a deeper level of connecting with someone intimately and emotionally, so I'll want to be closer to someone that way. But, nonetheless, I think I always want it to be passionate regardless. I prefer it with someone I actually care about because a sea of random people is meaningless and boring to me. Knowing what turns someone on and their knowing what makes you tick just makes the experience so much better, in my opinion.


Well, I enjoy having sex with new people for that very same reason. I enjoy constantly improving my technique and giving them greater and greater orgasms each time. However, I eventually get bored with the same woman and want to ditch her however. I can actually become very emotionally involved in sex as well. It's just that I view as way more of a hedonistic activity than I do one for bonding.


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## perfectcircle (Jan 5, 2011)

Sex isn't at all emotional for me.
It isn't emotional for all women, regardless of F or T anyways.

Well. On second thought- Maybe there are emotions.
I took emotion in the sense of the sterortypical, tears or joy or deep feeling of connection/love.
I feel a lot of excitement and er horniness. That is an emotion, yes? And, I do feel closer to my partner... but it tooka couple months for it to have that effect. 
I've said this before, sex is a blank slate, it is colored by personal shades. So a sex act may not have the same connotations twice to the same person. For example, if I was madly in love with someone, that sex would be very different than sex with someone I was not really in love with.


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## Lightlilly (Mar 31, 2012)

I can't do casual sex ....possibly I'm too self conscious, I have to know that the person likes me enough to not feel bad about my not perfect self...
and I have to know the person because I'm a bit of a people pleaser, If we aren't close how will I know how they like it ( I reread that and it sounded awkward...something i'd usually erase but I'm leaving it)

....luckily I do not have to worry about this


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

dejavu said:


> I don't do casual sex at all, and I don't see that changing. I need to have something special with a person before sex can happen.
> 
> That said, sex is not emotional to me. It's all very physical.


I think that you and @The King Of Dreams should hook up. I think that your litter of puppies would be beautiful.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I'm exactly like the stereotype of an INFP female. I can only enjoy sex when it is an act expressing and enhancing an emotional connection. I've tried sex with guys I thought were nice, but with whom I wasn't in love, and it didn't feel enjoyable. Love is the whole point for me. Nothing else works.

If I believed that all men were naturally unemotional about sex, I would decide to become celibate for the rest of my life. I would feel very disturbed knowing that I was being objectified. I don't take sex lightly. It isn't just candy for the senses, and I wouldn't want to share it with anyone who saw it that way.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

For me, sex is 100% physical. I want to orgasm. Again and again. I want an excuse to horse around. I don't even think about the other person, though I want them pleased too, of course.

But supposedly, females are wired to become attached to someone they have sex with, increasingly so each additional time with the same person.

Oxytocin is to blame. This doesn't happen to men, because they have enough testosterone to negate it.

Fortunately, I've never felt emotional about sex, but I fear that it'll happen one day biologically, against my will.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

dagnytaggart said:


> For me, sex is 100% physical. I want to orgasm. Again and again. I want an excuse to horse around. I don't even think about the other person, though I want them pleased too, of course.
> 
> But supposedly, females are wired to become attached to someone they have sex with, increasingly so each additional time with the same person.
> 
> ...


That stuff about us being "sexually wired" to do things comes from evolutionary psychology, as near as I can tell, and is culturally-biased bullshit. I feel the same way as you, and I don't think you should worry. If you don't want it to happen, it won't. There are other things that control your mind besides oxytocin--like _you_.


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

The Great One said:


> I think that you and @The King Of Dreams should hook up. I think that your litter of puppies would be beautiful.


I love puppies! I want some little Princes Of Dreams and Princesses Of Dreams running around!


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

The King Of Dreams said:


> I love puppies! I want some little Princes Of Dreams and Princesses Of Dreams running around!


That would certainly make the world more entertaining wouldn't it?


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

holyrockthrower said:


> That stuff about us being "sexually wired" to do things comes from evolutionary psychology, as near as I can tell, and is culturally-biased bullshit. I feel the same way as you, and I don't think you should worry. If you don't want it to happen, it won't. There are other things that control your mind besides oxytocin--like _you_.


Im gonna have to partially disagree with this. There is a lot of truth behind that fact that a lot of women do bond with a person after having sex with them. Sure, some women can do it and not bond at all. Hell maybe even a good portion can but that doesnt change the fact that alot cant and I think that after awhile of everyone calling "bullshit" the women who can't do no strings attached sex end up hurt in the end. They wonder why they feel like shit after sleeping with someone or go into a depression about it because they are told that they _should_ be able to do it and not get attached. The reality is, is that it is a sliding scale. Some men and women can do it without getting attached and some men and women simply can't. 

I hate how our culture adopts the one or the other attitude like both cant exist together. 

I personally can't imagine doing it with someone I didn't care about. The strong emotionally connection would be required before I could even get arouse by them, so Im not into the "for pleasure" only approach. It seems animalistic to me. I don't really envy the people who can either.


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## Athena (Apr 10, 2010)

I don't know what "emotional" is really supposed to mean, but I can't imagine enjoying sex with someone unless I at least imagine they have something really attractive to offer, and not just physically. It's kind of like Promethea described - it doesn't even have to be real, just some impression I have of the other person. My thing is competence...if you rock something and are not hideous, and like me, I will probably be into you. 

Basically, it can't be just physical, but it is more psychological than emotional for me. It's not necessarily love, but there is something there that is not just physical.

BTW, I'm very close to an ENFP who can absolutely have plenty of NSA one-night-stands without remorse, but he isn't leading these women on either. It's obvious from the settings (bar, etc) where they meet that it is not going to be an emotional thing.

Conversely, my INFP ex was like Snail: it had to be love. When we were separating, he complained that he could not orgasm with anyonre new he met because the feelings were not there. I was like, TMI dude, I'm trying to move on here and don't care about your sex issues lol. Still, that was an interesting fact.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

The Great One said:


> That's actually one of the ways that I figured out that I wasn't ENFP. I can simply fuck a woman just for the thrill. Most ENFP men can't fuck women hedonistically for very long without feeling bad and wanting some type of relationship.


Of all the ENFPs I know IRL, I'm the only one who finds one night-stands to be a bit... well... boring. They're just not for me, not for any "oh I'll feel bad" reason, because unless I've done something wrong e.g. lead someone on, I have nothing to feel bad about. The two ENFPs in question are one woman and one man fwiw.


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

The Great One said:


> That would certainly make the world more entertaining wouldn't it?


Correctumundo!


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## sleepyhead (Nov 14, 2011)

Chipps said:


> Im gonna have to partially disagree with this. There is a lot of truth behind that fact that a lot of women do bond with a person after having sex with them. Sure, some women can do it and not bond at all. Hell maybe even a good portion can but that doesnt change the fact that alot cant and I think that after awhile of everyone calling "bullshit" the women who can't do no strings attached sex end up hurt in the end. They wonder why they feel like shit after sleeping with someone or go into a depression about it because they are told that they _should_ be able to do it and not get attached. The reality is, is that it is a sliding scale. Some men and women can do it without getting attached and some men and women simply can't.
> 
> I hate how our culture adopts the one or the other attitude like both can exist together.
> 
> I personally can't imagine doing it with someone I didn't care about. The strong emotionally connection would be required before I could even get arouse by them, so Im not into the "for pleasure" only approach. It seems animalistic to me. I don't really envy the people who can either.


I think it's just important to point out there's a lot of variation among *everyone*, not just women. I agree, everyone should be able to do things the way they're comfortable with.

Whether we're the way we are from nurture or nature, from what I've seen, there's a ton of variation among both sexes and I haven't seen a lot of people in my real life that points to one sex or gender being more likely to want an emotional connection.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Chipps said:


> Im gonna have to partially disagree with this. There is a lot of truth behind that fact that a lot of women do bond with a person after having sex with them. Sure, some women can do it and not bond at all. Hell maybe even a good portion can but that doesnt change the fact that alot cant and I think that after awhile of everyone calling "bullshit" the women who can't do no strings attached sex end up hurt in the end. They wonder why they feel like shit after sleeping with someone or go into a depression about it because they are told that they _should_ be able to do it and not get attached. The reality is, is that it is a sliding scale. Some men and women can do it without getting attached and some men and women simply can't.
> 
> I hate how our culture adopts the one or the other attitude like both can exist together.
> 
> I personally can't imagine doing it with someone I didn't care about. The strong emotionally connection would be required before I could even get arouse by them, so Im not into the "for pleasure" only approach. It seems animalistic to me. I don't really envy the people who can either.


I don't think we disagree, I think you've just fleshed out what I already thought. I personally don't like being put into the box of "You're male/female, and therefore your sexuality is like this". I believe it's closer to what you describe--a sliding scale of behavior that is applicable to both sexes. Some women (and men, too) might feel hurt and/or violated by sleeping with the wrong person; some others might not be affected, viewing it as a physical act. 

What's bullshit for me might not be bullshit for another person, but if you have a pretty good idea of the way your own bio-chemistry works, having the contrary dictated can feel like violation as well. That's why listening to one's own inner guidance is of the utmost importance.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

MyDarkAngel said:


> Sex is nothing to me. I have no emotional connection when I have sex. I think it makes it more fun.


Let's have sex.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

holyrockthrower said:


> I don't think we disagree, I think you've just fleshed out what I already thought. I personally don't like being put into the box of "You're male/female, and therefore your sexuality is like this". I believe it's closer to what you describe--a sliding scale of behavior that is applicable to both sexes. Some women (and men, too) might feel hurt and/or violated by sleeping with the wrong person; some others might not be affected, viewing it as a physical act.
> 
> What's bullshit for me might not be bullshit for another person, but if you have a pretty good idea of the way your own bio-chemistry works, having the contrary dictated can feel like violation as well. That's why listening to one's own inner guidance is of the utmost importance.


While what you said is really true, it doesn't stop the double standard from being alive and well. I think its easy (in theory) for a lot of people to accept certain behaviors because its PC, but in reality they feel the exact opposite. I just hate how people assume that it doesn't still bother a lot of people. There is a fair amount pluralistic ignorance surrounding the subject of sex. I spent a few months scouring an entire blogsphere dedicated to the subject or male/female relations. There were alot of very candid responses there from people who'd never say what they thought out loud. Slut shaming seems to be alive and doing quite well.

Edit: I repeated "alive and well" twice. This means it time for bed.


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## AbioticPrime (Sep 1, 2011)

I'm not a female but I like the concept of this thread, so I'm gonna answer.

Sex can get emotional for me. I'm not sure what it is about it, that's something I've been trying to figure out, but at times it really feels like a guilty pleasure. That must mean something fucked up inside me is being fulfilled no pun intended.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

AbioticPrime said:


> Sex can get emotional for me. I'm not sure what it is about it, that's something I've been trying to figure out,


**whispers**It means you're human**

You're not fucked up. Your body is telling you something, so why not listen to it. You probably can't figure it out because maybe you're not supposed to be able to control it. Its like being really turned on by something. Someone once said, "Your genes don't give a damn about you. They just want what they want". Its true. They do.


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## Impavida (Dec 29, 2011)

I'm another one who is somewhere in the Gray-A realm of sexuality. For the most part I have no sexual appetite, except in rare cases when I meet a man with whom I have an amazing intellectual connection. I lose interest in sex very quickly after being with someone more than a couple of times. Even though I get physical pleasure from it, overall, I find sex to be boring.

As far as emotional attachment is concerned, sex is pretty much whatever I decide I want it to be. I've done one night stands and f--k buddy situations with no emotional attachment whatsoever. In long term relationships, I find it more emotional because I'm having sex solely for my partner's benefit. The fact that I'm doing something for them that doesn't really interest me, makes me feel closer to them.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

Sex for me has been emotional, physical, psychological, conceptual, spiritual, fun, powerful, raw, funny, meaningful, intellectual, hedonistic, romantic, intense, boring, unemotional, meaningless, annoying, and any combination thereof.

Generalizations suck balls.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Spades said:


> Sex for me has been emotional, physical, psychological, conceptual, spiritual, fun, powerful, raw, funny, meaningful, intellectual, hedonistic, romantic, intense, boring, unemotional, meaningless, annoying, and any combination thereof.
> 
> Generalizations suck balls.


If you hate generalizations why are you on an MBTI site?


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

The Great One said:


> If you hate generalizations why are you on an MBTI site?


To learn, to meet people (not letters), and to waste time. I don't see the issue.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Spades said:


> To learn, to meet people (not letters), and to waste time. I don't see the issue.


MBTI is a system based on generalizations.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

The Great One said:


> MBTI is a system based on generalizations.


You don't say. You missed my point. I was saying that of course sex can be emotional to Thinking women. We are human too. And of course it can be unemotional to Feeling women. It depends on the partner and the relationship. There's no MBTI rule that applies to how one feels in bed. I was only answering your question honestly.


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## zelder (Apr 17, 2011)

The Great One said:


> Okay so its a well known fact that sex is a lot more physical for men than it is for women. Sex tends to be more emotional for women, but is it as emotional for thinking women as it is for feeling women?


I'm a man, an INTJ man, and without reading the thread I felt like i needed to chime in on this. I've only ever had sex with my wife. We have always had a very happy and active sexual relationship during our 10 years together. Sex for me has become quite emotional. It was not like this for me in the beginning but I now feel an emotional euphoria after sex. It is a very strong feeling of happiness and warmth that nothing else gives me. I like to hold her or at least lay by her after sex and enjoy the "emotional orgasm" that follows sex with someone that I love so much. The emotional orgasms started for me after about 8 years together. 

Despite this development, I'm still a natural man with some stereotypical carnal desires (coolidge effect etc).


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## Saira (Feb 2, 2012)

I've never been in love with anyone, so I'd say it's purely physical to me. But that's just me, I'm weird, or just haven't met the right man. Saying that T types can't connect sex & emotions is bullshit. Like saying F women are blindly romantic or Ss are better in sex, just because they're Sensors. Yeah, right.


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

The Great One said:


> Still haven't met an ENFP that could do that. **Patiently waits for ENFP's to come to this thread to confirm my point**


A very good ENFP friend of mine can and has thrill-fucked. Sometimes he wants that connection, sometimes he wants to just fuck. I think the same can be said for most people. Sometimes you want to make love, sometimes you want to fuck.


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## paradanmellow (Jul 18, 2010)

The Great One said:


> Okay so its a well known fact that sex is a lot more physical for men than it is for women. Sex tends to be more emotional for women, but is it as emotional for thinking women as it is for feeling women?


I think it's only more physical for men cause they are used to touching themselves on a daily basis even for nonsexual things, if you know what I mean, their organs are out there, not a mystery; 
sex is as emotional for all types of women, for all them wiminz out there, no matter how much they let thinking have the final say (given there's love in this sex business) - they manifest emotion differently (or very little), that's the difference I guess; but seriously now, if you are an attuned mate and love your partner, you'd see the emotional side no matter how iced the bitch is for everyone else, cause it's your thing, your own freezer, ideally speaking <3


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