# depressed (about to cry) because of how far I have fallen in academics? (help needed)



## HappyHours (Sep 16, 2011)

So here is a short background story about myself, basically it is all cliff notes. I am currently 19.

- Came to US at the age of around 9. 

- Parents settled in NY for 1 year, then California for another.

- In both places, though I had to make some adjustments I managed to do outstanding in both areas by making A's.

- When I turn around 11 my parents moved to a town in the deep south, county has an average family income of 40k but my parents make in the six figures, they moved to save "5 minutes on commute".

- From the age of 11-13 I had to be in a junior high school full of drug dealers, kids who distracted class, classes out in trailers, underperforming school overall, for most of the time we did not learn one thing about math, remember sitting through social studies classes where teachers used the time to teach us how, OKAY, HOLD YOUR BREATH, "White people are evil".

- Managed to do my work and studied a bit, that alone got me A's and with just a little help from one teacher (who was very busy). I had an interest in my education, I was really the only kid that cared along with one girl, the rest had the focus on distracting class. This really caught up with me as the only option I had was to be alone and bullied or hang out with the wrong crowd which I ended up doing (there was no right crowd).

- End up going to a high school which you had to take a test to get into, overall the school had an average SAT score of 1500 not bad, but no sports, no extra curricular activities, and I was in a really bad spot. We lived in a cramped apartment, parents were paranoid stubborn people who would not let me go to a library, they caused noise in the house by playing movies too loud and when I said I am trying to study they said "ya whatever deal with it".

- Grades suffered, first two years of high school I had a 2.8 GPA, final two years when we moved into a house I made straight A's in my classes because I had a stable place to study.

- College admissions rolled around, my low GPA from first two years caught up with me, I was not able to get into the state flagship university despite having a 1950 SAT score.

- Made it into a local university and a university in another city which was not that well regarded. Parents convinced me to stay at home and said "you can get a 4.0 easily and then go off to any college you like".

- ONE PROBLEM, without me having any say, my dad picked my major by going to the school, BOOM, Biochemistry major. Since they paid for it, I did not have much of a say in changing in.

- First semester, C in chem 1, B in 3 other classes, A in sociology.
- Parents said "just work harder, believe me, success will come", I said I really want to change my major, they will not let me, lecture me telling me I will be a bum if I do switch to an art major. 2nd semester, C in calc 1, C in chem 1, B in english, A in PE.
- I bend over backwards and take it, take physics over the summer, make B's in both courses. Dad and I talk.

*Currently taking three courses this semester. Organic chemistry, Biology, Humanities. Acing humanities, probably going to pull a B in biology, getting my a** kicked in organic chemistry. I worked hard for both tests (very hard), made a 58 on the first one, made a 59 on the second one. Third one coming up soon.

I am on the brink of crying. My GPA is in the dumps, I live at home and go to college in the same d*mn town I went to high school in, I have a 2.8 GPA, constantly I am in science classes with happy kids about 2 years older than me who make straight A's on nearly all tests, kids who went to better high schools than me and had better parents than me and here I am stuck. I feel helpless and feel like I will end up a bum on the streets soon.........

No med school, no future for me, I feel that I am going to for the first time fail a course.............

I feel that I had the potential to go to an Ivy League school and be a bright kid but now I will never see the inside of an Ivy League university.
*


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## Rusalka (Dec 30, 2009)

Sorry if this sounds disjointed or poorly-worded; I'm running on not little sleep, and was about to go to bed, but I had to reply to this.

I feel like I'm looking into the mirror. I have a similar situation going on in my life right now, and it's made me pretty consistently depressed, for the same reasons you've listed above: I constantly feel like a failure in comparison to my peers, who are waaaaaaay more competent than I could ever hope to be, because they went to better (pre-science?!) high schools whose sole purposes are to prepare students for science careers! I didn't even know such things existed! I think we have that in common that we both got screwed with our high school educations, in a way, or didn't get all that we could out of them, maybe. My major is biology. I picked it initially, thinking it was the easiest of the "hard sciences". My parents kind of bullied me into staying with it, even before I officially applied to college, and after I got in, even though I was pretty depressed with it, and the whole mindset of science and the science field is kind of not intuitive to me. I can do pretty much anything else with ease, to be honest. I go to a college that is pretty elitist and makes their bio and science programs harder than they have to be, so I, the spacey AP humanities and English girl, have found myself at the lowest rungs of most of my science classes, and it's not what I am used to. To make it worse, even though I want to drop to a psychology major, I will forever feel guilty because the bio program here is very selective and it's an honor and totally unexpected that I got in in the first place. People are literally banging down the doors to get where I am, and I don't even really want to be here, but I force myself to stay and ride it out, no matter how much it beats me down.

There are some major upsides to this major, and I can see why your parents picked it: biochemistry is versatile and you are almost (I will never say always, in this economy) guaranteed a job after graduation, even if you don't go on to grad or med school (ugh.). That is what keeps me going: the promise of a job. You aren't a "bum" if you do art, but it is not really a secure major for the future, either. There are plenty of people in the world who wish they could be art and English and acting majors, but they are pragmatic and know there isn't much job security in it, and it is pretty easy and not very challenging. However, if you really feel strongly about art (notice I don't say, "You feel you really can't do biochemistry"), you should ultimately do what you want. I don't mean to be cold and callous here, I'm just trying to be pragmatic and lay it out realistically, because no one ever did for me, and I felt (and still feel, a great deal) the same exact way you do now. Also, since you mentioned med school at the end of your post, I'm assuming you planned for a career in the sciences, or wanted one in some fashion? I'm not really clear on what you want, so I'm going to assume you actually want to do biochemistry...

Okay, so now, go ahead and cry. Seriously. That's all I did my first year of college, and I had mostly easy classes (no chemistry yet), although there were other factors besides academics involved. The sciences are pretty humbling, and you really earn your grades. I have a good friend that is a bit older and has a degree in biochemistry and works as a lab tech in a major biologics company. He had not amazing grades in college (cs), but he made it to graduation and has a solid job, and has a higher probability of being employed than if he had taken the easy way out and majored in something like sociology or whatever. To this day, he feels inferior to his coworkers, and has trouble helping me with basic resonance structures (chemistry 201 stuff). 

It's NOT easy. Science is really hard, especially if logic and extrapolating information seemingly from thin air are not intuitive to you. You sound like me, and you sound more creative-minded, which is great. I think we have our place in the sciences. However, that does not change the fact that this is NOT easy for people like us, and it sounds like you're truly trying your hardest. I did the same, at least, I tried my hardest under the circumstances, and under a massive cloud of depression and pressure. Understand, even though your GPA is lower, that does NOT mean you are any less of a person or any less intelligent. 

Look, it is kind of inevitable: your GPA will be lower than if you had art classes exclusively, no doubt. You will not always get As. However, you will EARN your grades. You will be appreciative of them. You kind of learn to love systems after a while, in fact, before summer sessions, I thought I could never understand calculus and higher math, and I not only kicked its ass, I was happily discussing it with my friends off hours. Another thing is, this isn't high school level anymore, either. The courses are going to be much harder than they were in high school (for me they were pretty hard already there). Everyone's terrified of organic chem, even some people who seem brilliant and logics-minded to me. If they're terrified, and you're failing, it's not surprising. Also, don't be so afraid of failing a class. It at first seems very counter-intuitive, but in college, at least where I go, it's more accepted, because you need good bases in chemistry and math. I failed basic algebra (very pathetic, right?) my first semester, and went on to be the best student in the class next semester, and finished all of my math requirements except one. 

Again, I'm not really trying to be callous. You will NOT end up a bum, though, don't worry. There are always jobs somewhere, there are just easier and surer routes to those jobs. That's just your parents overreacting. They sound like they are just wanting the best for you, and they think their way is the only way. If you truly feel like you want to do art, and that is your passion, you should definitely do it, but make sure that is what you want for sure before you throw in the towel. You're not a failure, you are definitely not alone : ), and a lot of people have been in the same position you are in today. Decide if you really want to stick it out, and weigh your options for the future. You have a lot of options, and med school does not have to be one of them. If you decide to go on, just hang in there... you get used to the beatings eventually. Just know a lot of other people suffering too.


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

You need to stop beating yourself up. A lot of people don't go to Ivys, but I would tell your dad that you're grateful for paying for your education, but in the end it's going to be Happyhours' degree, not Happyhours' dad's degree. You only live once and that you need to be happy for four years, and that that means risking confrontation. I don't know if they are using art major as a threat 'whoa you don't see people selling their drawings, they showed mommy, kid fancies himself an artist', and that's something they picked out of nowhere, or if you really have a passion for art. Let's say you have a passion for art, tell them this:



Mom and Dad, I appreciate you trying to help me get a good job once I get out of college, by pursuing something worthwhile in college doesn't everyone's parents want that? However, there are are a legion of stories of kids thinking they can do just that, they get the good degree for a good job, and were their class president, and then they hit the real world of the job market. There are law students waiting tables in restaurants just to make ends meet, and they don't go into Government because that doesn't pay, and they need to pay off their loans. On top of that, There is the economy today, right now, if you follow business news,world politics, Greece just bailed out it's country, and right hear in the good old USA, our adopted home, there are two grassroots movements demanding things change, they don't trust the politicians in Washington, they've been jerked around, by banks out to make a quick buck off of them, and they're taking action. The Occupy Wall Street Movement, is a movement of people occupying Wall Street (there's actually a street where the financial district is named after, the name is "Wall"), which has spawned global movements of people to do the same, Occupy London, Occupy Madrid, Occupy DC. Then there is the Tea Party. One is politically left and the other treads right. So things might not be as simple as you guys think. I want to go into Art History. Did you know you can get jobs with an art degree? My friend Brian is an artist, and he went to school with people like Jenny Kansler, Chad Cameron, Margaret Mueller, who got employed either on their own or as a teacher, of art. I can pursue a career in art, by being a graphic artist, making copy for companies, or I can work at any of these big art galleries like MOMA ,Museum of Modern Art, , or the National Gallery of Art, or the Guggenheim as a curator, But I can only pursue this with your full support, will you help me in that endeavor? 

And if worse comes to worse, get your driver's license, skip college and Ivy league school, get a job, and find a studio apartment,move out and get your degree in art by piecemeal. 



HappyHours said:


> So here is a short background story about myself, basically it is all cliff notes. I am currently 19.
> 
> - Came to US at the age of around 9.
> 
> ...


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Im sorry to hear you are feeling so down, keep in mind that grades arent everything and you should be commended for doing your best in the classes that you dont really want to be in. Its hard to gain freedom when you are depending on someone else. May i ask what country you are from and why your family decided to move to the US?


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## HappyHours (Sep 16, 2011)

I want to major in business and economics or social sciences, I would dominate. Anyways no I did not really want to go to med school but it was beat into me and I have really played around with the idea of it. Biology seems better to me than Biochemistry which is just plain scary.

I can handle memorization but chemistry and all the odd mechanisms involved just bite me!


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## HappyHours (Sep 16, 2011)

problem isn't with my grades but rather my experience, I live at home for college, don't have anything close to a real college life, usually everyone stays at home and goes to school, I just do not know what to do about that, I feel that I am missing out on the best years of my life


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## Super Awesome (Jul 11, 2011)

College isn't the best years of your life. And I say that as someone who LOVED college. 

You're not taking classes that you really enjoy, and that's contributing greatly to your frame of mind. What's the point of studying something that doesn't really interest you, and that you don't display a natural aptitude for? Parents are well-meaning, but they don't always know who we are and what's right for us. Now is a good time to start living for _you_. It'll be great practice for the rest of your life.


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## HandiAce (Nov 27, 2009)

Just because you live at home does not mean you can't meet people and do things on campus. Unless you have some kind of curfew for going home, it should not be difficult to reach out to other students. I commute to my college and I talk regularly to people in my classes, help them out when I am able, and empathize with the frustration they go through.

By the way, organic chemistry is a bitch no matter what college you go to. I'm taking it right now and I feel frustrated by it every day. The average grade in this course last year was a 60 so don't get too discouraged by the chemistry. That's the HARDEST chemistry course you'll ever have to take too.

The other thing too. You say you want to major in business, economics, or social sciences and that you would dominate. Clearly, your grades show that you dominate in those subjects so not sure why your parents would refuse to let you pursue that subject. If that does not compute with your parents, there's some kind of problem with them. Also, a degree in economics is the most invaluable degree you can have. Biology can get you a job that pays VERY well, especially if you get into med school and get a doctorate's degree, BUT Economics is the second most useful degree to have after engineering. Most businesses would want to hire you in a heartbeat, especially considering that, based on the vibe I get from you, you have a very good work ethic. You're just going through a very difficult stage in your life.

P.S. Do not be afraid to talk to professors or teaching assistants about your struggles. Yesterday, I was nearly in tears because I just couldn't focus on my lab and was not understanding the theory enough to answers some pre-lab questions. I came into lab today utterly frustrated about what we were doing so I talked to my TA and let him know that I was struggling. Odds are a good portion of the faculty will empathize with you. If not, then odds are your professor or TA is a dick.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

1. Ivy school is overrated. You don't need to pay that much for an undergrad degree. 

2. It sounds like you really want to be involved with college, and I know how difficult that is being a commuter. I have a lot of recommendations, so take it as you will. For next semester, see if you're able to take all general ed classes, because they're generally easy and will bring your GPA way up. Talk to your parents about wanting to switch your major, because it sounds like you don't like what you're doing at all now, and it's only going to get worse, and once you have a job in that field, who knows if you're going to enjoy it. It may pay well, but how much of it can you take? I would say if you do want to go into business, see what kinds of concentrations they have (accounting, forensic accounting, and finance are usually promising in terms of getting a job after graduation). 

I'd also recommend getting out of that place if you can and transferring somewhere else that you like. I couldn't do well at all going to a college I absolutely loathed and loathed pretty much everyone around me for being so fake and seeming to only go to school to find a rich husband, and maybe going into a better environment would help you do better in school. 

The problem seems to be (if I read correctly) that your parents are paying for you to be a Biochem major...will they cut you off if you switch or decide to transfer and get campus housing?


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## HappyHours (Sep 16, 2011)

ya pretty much, I plan on transferring for my final three semesters, well, that is the plan


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## HappyHours (Sep 16, 2011)

another question, have I permanently missed my chance of ever going to a world class university?


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Robert McNamara and Dean Rusk, as well as William and McGeorge Bundy, all went to Harvard,Berkley,Yale,Oxford, and President Lyndon Johnson was so impressed by this-he went to a state Teachers college in Texas,that he relied on their expertise,from all this hard work at these fine institutions-the top dogs world class universities-for foreign policy in areas like the ongoing Vietnam War. We lost that conflict partially because of their superb advice. Dean Rusk even said, "I think I underestimated the will of the VietCong, and overestimated the patience of the American people." Moral of the story, just because you go to a world class institution,and achieve the top positions in your field, doesn't mean you're the best qualified. I found this out first hand at a book signing session when all the questions were from angry vets who said things,"when did McNamara know this was a lost cause." All is not lost if you get rejected. In fact, it would be advisable to learn to make do with what you have, should you get rejected from Plan A. That's why students send applications to many universities, to have that back up plan.

In closing, I learned this little story, as well as who the Bundys ,Rusk,McNamara,and to a great extent, Johnson,were at a then rinky dinky community college that at the time I attended, was more of a docking bay to use to transfer to four year places,and I didn't even learn it in a classroom. It was on a documentary of LBJ that PBS put out. Best education I learned. That sleepy school is now a two year four year institution,with clubs, and such that simply weren't there when I attended. And its the go to place for people looking to get a jump start on their career.


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## HappyHours (Sep 16, 2011)

there are exceptions but lets be real, if you want to work on wall street, you need a degree from harvard, I want to work on wall street


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

You know, there's a theme developing here. You ask a question in need of help, we help you, you push us away. Part of asking for help, is knowing when to listen, and stfu about having the last word. And you don't know how to listen,which means your worst fears will come true...and the terror hasn't even started yet. It'll hit you maybe at 30. The years go by quicker as you age,and it may never hit you. There's a chance of that two. But if you want. Leave your town hitchhike your way to Washington, there are a lot of airheads,vanities and egos in Washington, I'm sure if you tell them your story, they may think of you as the next lobbyist, who when not lobbying lives under the guise of being an elected official,until they get thrown out of office, then it's back to lobbying. That happens a lot in this town. You become a "senior fellow," at a Washington think tank. Oh the way you've been treating us, you'll fit right in. Probably tell you how to get to Wall Street. How's that for your answer?


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## whist (Apr 16, 2011)

You might be able to make it to an Ivy League for gradschool if you manage to do well, but I'm not too sure.
Why is an Ivy League your main goal? Why not a college that has a good business program? My sister works in Wall Street but she didn't come from an Ivy. :/ I don't really think its worth it to go to an Ivy for undergrad anyway. Its just sort of a shiny brand name label at that point.

Anyhow, I guess the most immediate problem is convincing your parents to let you change your major...What are their exact reasons for not letting you change your major? Somewhere deep inside they must care about your well-being and want the best for you, otherwise they wouldn't have bothered paying for your college education. If you show them some sort of solid proof that you'd do well in business, they might reconsider.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I sympathize with you, as someone who has had to deal with tyranny at home and feelingly doomed by his own follies. My brother used to beat the stuffing out of me as his number one form of stress control, or boredom control, or just whenever he thought that I needed to be punched. I also had issues with turning things in on time and not losing papers. I didn't get into Ivy league anything. I'm currently in a small MD Liberal Arts college and I couldn't be happier. Well, I can wish for the second ammendment to apply here, but I can put up with that for four years.

Ivy education is impersonal, canned, and expensive. 80K a year for one person for college for an undergraduate? Those Ivy schools built their names on age and glamour; the only good parts of their programs are their graduate ones, where you see the professors and do the things that make the schools famous like research. Pretty much any college will do for an undergrad. Definitely get out of your hick town.

I know this might sound radical, but you might want to try to join the military to get some power away from your parents. If you join the Navy, you can serve for four years and get your college education paid for by them, plus the veterans' benefits. It's obvious that you need to break away from your parents.


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## HappyHours (Sep 16, 2011)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> I sympathize with you, as someone who has had to deal with tyranny at home and feelingly doomed by his own follies. My brother used to beat the stuffing out of me as his number one form of stress control, or boredom control, or just whenever he thought that I needed to be punched. I also had issues with turning things in on time and not losing papers. I didn't get into Ivy league anything. I'm currently in a small MD Liberal Arts college and I couldn't be happier. Well, I can wish for the second ammendment to apply here, but I can put up with that for four years.
> 
> Ivy education is impersonal, canned, and expensive. 80K a year for one person for college for an undergraduate? Those Ivy schools built their names on age and glamour; the only good parts of their programs are their graduate ones, where you see the professors and do the things that make the schools famous like research. Pretty much any college will do for an undergrad. Definitely get out of your hick town.
> 
> I know this might sound radical, but you might want to try to join the military to get some power away from your parents. If you join the Navy, you can serve for four years and get your college education paid for by them, plus the veterans' benefits. It's obvious that you need to break away from your parents.


thanks but the HOW is very difficult for me


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Just walk into a recruiting station. That sounds like an awesome idea of joining the navy.


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## Ashitaria (Jul 4, 2010)

You weren't prepared enough in highschool, you probably didn't take any AP classes, am I right? Or maybe you did, but all your teachers were slackers. Ugh.

I had two AP classes that I slogged my ass off, studying four-five hours a day and got C's first semester and B's the second. I greatly improved after that. Afterwards, I took 4 AP classes (crazy, ikr?) and got A's in all of them and I didn't work even half as hard. I think it's because the two AP classes really forced me to push up my work ethic which carried over to another 4 AP classes majorly.

Here's a tip: pay attention to whatever the teacher says, ESPECIALLY about what the test will be like because at least 30% of the test will be on whatever the teacher briefly touches upon. Blink and you'll miss it. 
Take online tests and quizzes, facebook is your friend if you know people in the same classes as you are. In my current college class, people taking the test before me post some of the questions online, try finding a group like yours.
Improve your work ethic, organize. The first two AP classes, I didn't even have a binder. The next four, I got four binders. Now that I'm in college, I have like 5 different binders. 
Also, DO UR HOMEWORK, ALL OF IT.

Gl.


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## Ashitaria (Jul 4, 2010)

Also, try going for community college for two years first and then transferring to a good school so you still get the benefit of graduating from a good school at a much lower price than a four year one (employers often don't care that you have been in a community college). Ivy league is probably not worth it, waaaay too much money. The state college from where I come from requires only ten thousand dollars a year, so I'll owe twenty thousand dollars plus probably four thousand dollars from my community college.
Check with your counselor to know which community college credits are transferable and which are not. Make absolute sure.


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## Danielsearch (May 27, 2011)

I'll tell you something that will make you smile.

I made straight C's my first year in college. I spent two years in a major I really didn't have the brain for. Switched majors, and I ended up graduating early.

Sounds like you have some lofty aspirations.

If you don't get to the Universities of your choice will you still be able to be happy? What would you do if you don't?


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

My parents were pretty controlling and wanted to tell me where to go to school and what to take. I made a point not to be dependent on their finances. I worked a lot (part-time, summers, etc.), took student loans, moved out and paid for my own cost of living and school. That goes a long way towards breaking their influence. It sounds like you need to assert yourself as an independent adult - take charge of your own life and do what you WANT to do, because what you're in is clearly not a good fit for you and is not making you happy. 

If you pay for yourself, they don't really have any say in what you study. Then change your major, dominate in a business program, and come back and show your parents how well you can succeed in an area that you want to be in. Most likely they'll be proud of you for it.


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## Beyond_B (Feb 2, 2011)

HappyHours said:


> So here is a short background story about myself, basically it is all cliff notes. I am currently 19.
> 
> - Came to US at the age of around 9.
> 
> ...


You are not alone, just saying. I am 19 too, however I am trying to build my own knowledge system+ studying to get a decent GPA. Just do what needs to be done, parents mess up, however, we decide whether to give up or not.


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