# Would you ever date someone you didn't find physically attractive?



## Beefpatrol (Feb 12, 2010)

You're not weird. I'm the same way. (Maybe we're both weird.)


----------



## BroNerd (Nov 27, 2010)

I would only do it if I felt my attraction to the person was strong in other ways which aren't physical..moreso the emotional and intellectual attraction which is different than friendship!! Girls, on average, tend to be more physically attractive than guys [even to some girls who I know who aren't lesbians] ..so I never really had this problem.


----------



## The Prince (Oct 22, 2011)

Clever Waffle said:


> I tried, and it didn't work out. The guy was really sweet, funny, and we had a lot in common, but the chemistry just wasn't there. I thought that maybe over time I could be attracted to him, which has happened to me in the past (purely accidental and organic in those cases. lesson learned). After about a month of dating, I broke it off. It just wasn't fair to him or to myself to be in that sort of situation. I wouldn't want someone to date me out of boredom, pity, or desperation and try to force an attraction; I would want to be desired. So it wouldn't be right for me to do that to someone else.


Damn, thats a horrible situation.

I personally in most cases could date a girl I didnt find all that appealing. Of course this has never happened, I rarely find girls unappealing. But I do view personality high in determining what my relationship with a girl would be.


----------



## Onomatopoeia (Nov 2, 2010)

The Prince said:


> Damn, thats a horrible situation.
> 
> I personally in most cases could date a girl I didnt find all that appealing. Of course this has never happened, I rarely find girls unappealing. But I do view personality high in determining what my relationship with a girl would be.


Thankfully, it was VERY short lived, and the break up was mutual. He wasn't a bad looking guy or had a bad attitude or anything like that. So many people had told me to just give it a chance for a few months... that I would form an attraction over time, and I think he was trying to do the same thing that I was. But we really just didn't click. I'm too impatient, and I think in this case my impatience was a good thing. That was also the last time I ever took advice from marriage- and baby-obsessed people. And if you're curious, I am still friends with the guy~


----------



## The Prince (Oct 22, 2011)

Clever Waffle said:


> Thankfully, it was VERY short lived, and the break up was mutual. He wasn't a bad looking guy or had a bad attitude or anything like that. So many people had told me to just give it a chance for a few months... that I would form an attraction over time, and I think he was trying to do the same thing that I was. But we really just didn't click. I'm too impatient, and I think in this case my impatience was a good thing. That was also the last time I ever took advice from marriage- and baby-obsessed people. And if you're curious, I am still friends with the guy~


Its hard for me to stay friends the an ex, my break ups are rarely mutua or easy.


----------



## Onomatopoeia (Nov 2, 2010)

He and one other ex are the only two I've ever stayed friends with. Since this guy has mutual friends/acquaintances with me, it's easier to have it this way instead of complicate social gatherings. Usually I don't date people in the same social circles (it can get sticky, as I've seen), but we didn't even know until just before breaking up.


----------



## beyondthephysical (Mar 20, 2011)

I tried.The guy was a great guy, we got along really well, but sure enough, the chemistry never showed up, and I waited for it. Finally, I got tired of pretending, and cut him loose, for his own sake. Funny, he always claimed he was "wildly" attracted to me. (of course, I never let on that I did not feel the same). I have been widly attracted to a guy before who did not feel the same way. And I was like, whaaa? _Really?_ _Are you sure????_ LOL So now I always am sure to check in before I get it totally wrong. Crazy chemistry.


----------



## SenhorFrio (Apr 29, 2010)

As much as i hate to admit it i don't think i could. i mean i have been attracted to alot of diffrent people:skinny people, larger people, people or diffrent ethnic background i'm really not that descrimating, it's really quite rare that i will find someone unattractive, and dating someone like that wouldn't be good.


----------



## Hosker (Jan 19, 2011)

I'd have to find her at least somewhat attractive, I think.


----------



## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Yes, I would date someone I didn't find physically attractive, if by "physically attractive" you mean "having a body I fetishize sexually as an aesthetic object." I feel that objectifying my partner would be morally wrong.

I was involved in a misunderstanding yesterday in a similar thread because someone else was using "physical attraction" to mean "desire to express a non-aesthetic attraction using physical means," while I was using it to mean "attraction to something physical." 

When my partner and I (when I have one) are sufficiently psychologically intimate, the desire to express that intimacy physically happens naturally regardless of what our bodies are like. As our emotional intimacy increases, so does my desire to have sex with my partner. I have trouble imagining what it would be like to be in love with someone without sexual desire occurring on its own.


----------



## daydr3am (Oct 20, 2010)

I dated a guy I found moderately physically attractive, but didn't feel attracted to. Once we started being a little more physical, I felt grossed out because I did not find him attractive, physically or personality-wise. Nice guy, did nothing wrong, but eh.

I have dated decent-looking guys in the past and they became more attractive to me as I got to know them better. One of them I dated for two years, often craved sex with him since we were in love, but when we first met I didn't think he was physically attractive.


----------



## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

I have, and I will again without hesitation.

Though, not physically attractive != repulsive.


----------



## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

In my view there has to be some attraction physically. If I'm not sexually aroused by someone then its a friendship. That said:

Personality > Intelligence > Looks

Personality is forever (show me that warm soul - you know the type of girl I'm talking about).

Intelligence can be misapplied (when she opens her mouth and everything that comes out is crap/sarcastic/whatever = turnoff).

Looks will fade with time (no matter how hot a girl is - while I do want some looks, they cannot compensate for an empty soul, shallowness, and coldness for long - and certainly not for real long-term potential).

With association, I can become attracted to someone because of their personality and intelligence. At that point - this topic no longer applies because I will find them physically attractive.


----------



## Destiny Lund (Sep 2, 2011)

For me to be with a guy, he doesn't have to be hot in my book, but he has to be at least average. The sex life would be poor if I went with a guy that wasn't attractive at all. When it comes to sex, I have to have deep emotional connection & some physical attractiveness. To me, sex without love is nothing & repulsive, but love without sex is unhealthy & a heavy burden. My guy would have to be average physically, average intelligence, & above average personality.


----------



## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

I never would,no.


----------



## Rainbow (Aug 30, 2010)

I can enjoy looking at ugly people. And how they look has noth do do with how they are making me feel.

~INFP/INFJ


----------



## Popinjay (Sep 19, 2011)

Not unless I was desperate for companionship...which I wouldn't be.


----------



## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

no. i believe that sexual attraction is important in a relationship, otherwise you may find that you are really physically attracted to someone else down the road and be tempted. Thats not to say that the person in question has to be a super model, just that i have to find something in them that i am attracted to.


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Non-physical attributes are more important than physical attributes to me. If I were to date someone, I'd want to do more than just look at the other person all the time, and I couldn't care less about eye candy or the opinions of other people. I've known people who would be considered physically attractive by the ubiquitous "most people," who nevertheless were ugly people.

If they've captured my interest to the point that I would be interested in dating them, they would be attractive to me anyway. Which is the only thing that matters.


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> no. i believe that sexual attraction is important in a relationship, otherwise you may find that you are really physically attracted to someone else down the road and be tempted.


Sexual attraction is temporary anyway, lasting only until you encounter someone you find *more* sexually attractive.


----------



## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Master Mind said:


> Sexual attraction is temporary anyway, lasting only until you encounter someone you find *more* sexually attractive.


i disagree, i find everyone ive ever been intimate with still sexually attractive.


----------



## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

Master Mind said:


> Sexual attraction is temporary anyway, lasting only until you encounter someone you find *more* sexually attractive.


Maybe for you. I've spoken to plenty of people who have been together for many years and don't have this problem. :tongue:


----------



## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

I tried dating somebody I was not physically attracted to and it was about the same as dating somebody who I was physically attracted to, so it doesn't make a difference to me either way.


----------



## wisdom (Dec 31, 2008)

Maybe. I have to have reasonable hope that the face is pleasant and the body might be nice. (With online dating, there can be guessing.) I'd try to compromise on some physical standards, but from past experience sexual attraction will suffer if it's outside what I normally prefer. Not that I would ever go on a date with someone just because that person is physically attractive to me.

By the way, just because most of us probably aren't physically attracted to senior citizens doesn't mean they have no physical standards concerning each other. As one ages, usually the face and many aspects of body type still are recognizable to their youthful state. In other words, for people who marry young, the basic facets of attraction likely will still be there "til death do us part" -> looks will still matter. People are much more superficial than most will admit.


----------



## Beefpatrol (Feb 12, 2010)

*Me too, mostly.*



snail:1799076 said:


> Yes, I would date someone I didn't find physically attractive, if by "physically attractive" you mean "having a body I fetishize sexually as an aesthetic object." I feel that objectifying my partner would be morally wrong.


I don't feel that it would be morally wrong, but I would have a hard time doing it to any significant degree. If, for some reason, I were to objectify someone, I would probably stop being turned on by them until I stopped. I guess that means I don't find objects arousing.



> I was involved in a misunderstanding yesterday in a similar thread because someone else was using "physical attraction" to mean "desire to express a non-aesthetic attraction using physical means," while I was using it to mean "attraction to something physical."
> 
> When my partner and I (when I have one) are sufficiently psychologically intimate, the desire to express that intimacy physically happens naturally regardless of what our bodies are like. As our emotional intimacy increases, so does my desire to have sex with my partner. I have trouble imagining what it would be like to be in love with someone without sexual desire occurring on its own.


This, exactly. When there are opportunities for psychological / emotional intimacy in the relationship and the other person isn't interested in taking them, I just shut down completely w.r.t. the other person. I have had this problem with my wife forever. It sucks.


----------



## zemmy (Nov 18, 2011)

no way. how?


----------



## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

The more mature I get, the more I realize that I really don't give a fuck what they look like. I really admire a person for his/her soul.


----------



## You Sir Name (Aug 18, 2011)

I tend to be more attracted to the initially unattractive people, first I find out their personality/morals/quirks/interests, and then they either stay unattractive, or become Adonises.


----------



## progBOT (May 4, 2011)

Short answer: No.


----------



## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

No, I guess I wouldn't. But personality is a big part of what I am attracted to, far more than looks. There has to be that chemistry though, that instant connection with someone. 

I guess that's rare, I'm glad I found it,


----------



## C6RUSA (Sep 6, 2011)

Simple answer. No. 

and here's my take on it... 

Women want someone they're attracted to intellectually 1st, and physically 2nd. 
Guys, Physical 1st, intellectual 2nd.


----------



## Aedesia (Nov 17, 2011)

I've dated people I find physically unattractive. 

The biggest problem that I had in those relationships is that everyone would point out the other persons unattractiveness and ask me why I'm dating them. I've found that the biggest reason people wont date unattractive people is that they're afraid of what others might think. They're afraid their image will be ruined. If they make you happy and laugh, that shouldn't matter. 

I don't get along with a lot of people on an emotional level so it's always a nice thing to find someone who can connect with me on that level. Attractiveness develops later, in regards to the things they do, what they say, what they do for you, etc. You just need to not let other peoples opinions get in your way.


----------



## johnjohnjohn (Jan 17, 2012)

To a degree, there has to be some sort of attraction there. I sat through a date with someone I met online; her looks in the 3-D were different from her pic, unfortunately for the 'worse'. I remember trying everything to make her seem attractive to me; when she was talking a million miles an hour to me, I was nodding my head and combing every possible combination in my noggin to find her attractive; I just couldn't do it. I truly hope she didn't find me attractive, I truly do. I felt bad about that experience for a long time after the fact. 

Since I'm here: 
I was talking with a former working colleague of mine; I always thought of her as a not-so-attractive nice lady. One day we were talking about our jobs, a conversation which lasted about half-an-hour. In the midst of the conversation, my mind made some shift in perception: 'wow, this lady's cute'. I couldn't believe it, nor could I stop staring; but that was ok, because we in a conversation where face contact was accepted. As a result of this, maybe, just maybe, the same type of perception change could happen on a date.


----------



## traceur (Jan 19, 2012)

keep in mind that getting to know someone can change how you percieve them, even sexually, and that can go either way... so be open to that possibility. in the mean time, if you have no desire for him there's no reason to act on something that isn't there.


----------



## kagemitsu (May 15, 2011)

Unfortunately no, I have to like the girl to some extent.
That doesn't necessarily mean she needs to be beautiful, but I have to like her. I've been attracted to girls who were generally considered "below average" by my peers, but I found them to be very pretty to me.

Anyways, the physical attraction needs to be there, or I just can't get past the friendship point, no matter how good I "click" with her on the personality side.


----------



## Harper (Jan 16, 2012)

When I am ATTRACTED to someone, I dont find him physically unattractive even though he is ugly for some people.

If there is enough chemistry between us, why not?


----------



## Einstein (Aug 10, 2011)

No, but my physical attraction to someone will increase after I get to know them better. Once I become attracted to someone's personality, my physical attraction toward them always goes up too.


----------



## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

If I'm attracted to someone emotionally and intellectually I will generally become attracted to them physically. It's not that I don't appreciate aesthetics, but for actual attraction to set in there are psychological qualifiers. That said, I have had times when I've been mentally attracted to someone but not physically. I know a guy who is a complete sweetheart, we have had some wonderful talks and I like him very much but I don't want anywhere near his pants because he is bordering on morbidly obese and though I'm not exactly slim myself, I just can't go for that.


----------



## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Yes, possibly. 

I wouldn't date based on physical attractiveness. It can be an additional perk sure, but is not something I need.

If I really have feelings for somebody, I wouldn't care if they are a brain in a jar.


----------



## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

*Short Answer: *Yes

*Longer Answer:* It depends on whether it's my preference he's short of or he's just.. markedly unattractive. For everyone. I might make concessions for the first, taste can be acquired afterall, but if he's simply below a certain okay standards (and I think I have very reasonable standards), probably not.


----------

