# It is a truth universally acknowledged....



## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I've been pretty stressed out lately for various reasons, and I find myself in a tertiary relief at the moment. Reviewing some details of my life I'd generally call mundane feels rather relaxing at the moment. And to quote Jarvis Cocker (the too cool front man for Pulp): "I never said I was deep". So here we go....

I had this goal on 43things for awhile to "get my mojo working like a mofo", which I thought was funny, but it was also a semi-serious desire to be more, well, desirable. You know, less of the awkward, wide-eyed INFP that scares people away by being scared ("and with no reason to talk about the books I read, but still I do" - Morrissey; must I always quote people? Yes, I must). In a way, I think I have actually met this goal. The more you are unabashedly yourself, the more people appreciate you, and in theory, _the right people_.

However, in the wise words of Bridget Jones snort, "It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces." In my case, I've been without steady work for nearly two years now, & am too broke to do much of anything, but I've never attracted so many guys with _so little effort_. Even if only one led to a short relationship (not so trivial though - my first & only), the fact that I'm not seeking anyone out in any way, shape or form, & am rather reclusive, but guys still keep popping up, is a bit strange. In the past, everything else in my life would be in order - job, check; car, check; apartment, check; cute clothes & pedicure, check; having a life & leaving the house on occasion, check - but I'd be perpetually single with not a prospect in sight. Years would pass, and nada. Nothing has really changed for the positive (quite the contrary), yet I find myself more sought-after than ever.

In the past 2 weeks, an ENFJ friend's ISTP brother hit on me (not too shocking; he likes anything in a skirt). I saw his brother's band play, and I wore this vintage 60s red mini dress I've had for awhile, paired with black lace tights, tall boots w/kitten heels, a black & white striped scarf in my hair, and a houndstooth print coat. I also went all out with makeup (one word: GLITTER!), which is _supposed_ to scare guys, but in reality, it doesn't. It felt good to get dressed up & pretend I have a social life for once. 

So one of this ISTP's favorite movies is "A Walk to Remember" (barf - why do I think he just says this to girls?), and I think somewhere in his head he really does fancy the idea of a quiet, good girl saving his irresponsible butt. I am NOT that girl. 

I'm also pretty sure this very sweet 20 year old ISTJ I know is quite smitten with me. Recently, when he found out I've been sick, he said to call him if I needed anything. Too bad he's so young, and I'm so old....27 this week, blech. Okay, that's not old, and my life has regressed to about the age of 20, but it's still kind of weird. I can't reconcile the "robbing the cradle" feeling. Maybe in a few years, & once he's finished college, the age difference would not feel so wrong.

In addition, I also think this INFJ guy is interested in me right now. I met him at a friend's party a week and a half ago (funny, another ENFJ female friend) and he's been texting me & wanted to talk, but I've been pretty sick, and a few days ago I was too sick to talk (I feel much better today). I don't know if he'll contact me again.... you never know with guys.

So I was the first to arrive at the party (funny how I am on time for parties...), and he was the second. I started to talk to him, since we were the only two there besides the hostess, but he was not too friendly. Not rude, but he just didn't seem inclined to have a real conversation. Then about half way through the night, he became curious about me; I got a vibe. You know when you can tell that someone is semi-listening to your conversations & aware of your presence.

I wonder what happened...? What suddenly makes a person intrigue you? I tend to be drawn to someone _immediately_, & so I always find this a strange phenomenon. About 6 months ago, an SP I've know at a distance for awhile suddenly took an interest in me out of nowhere & asked me out through facebook (it didn't work out though). What goes through these guys' minds?

So anyway, at that point, I could tell the INFJ wanted to talk to me, but I was talking to other people; and then after a lot of people left, he got me alone and talked to me for like a half hour. He said a lot of INFJ-ish stuff. I don't know how to explain it, but he is unmistakably INFJ . Then he followed me to get my coat & got my number. I was really surprised at how direct he was, as he otherwise seemed quiet and reserved. So I gave him my number because I never say no in these situations :crazy:.

I didn't look particularly pretty that night either. I had on some skinny blue jeans & a loose, brown polka dot "secretary" blouse that was not exactly flattering (cute, to me, but I don't see men "getting" it). But I did have some awesome vintage brown oxfords on, and a rather charming red rose scarf in my hair (if I do say so myself). 

I'm not really sure if I'm interested in him. He looks very Ni-dom (if you know what I mean); glasses, all dark clothes, slightly nerdy & rather plain, but in a sleek way. He's not good-looking at all, but I have a curiosity about him, like I do with most people . So if he calls & wants to see me, I'll probably go, but if not, then no biggie. Next week, I may find myself entirely without prospects once again; especially if I find work...that's how this stuff goes after all.

To anyone who has read this - and all the way through, without dropping off to sleep - thanks for the indulgence :laughing:. Any insights into the laws of the universe when it comes to dating & the strange vessel known as the male brain are welcome :tongue:.


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## sarek (May 20, 2010)

I think its out N type antenna. We go less by outward appearances. Its like you said, you felt a vibe. Feeling vibes is what we do for a living and I have no doubt it was the same with him.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces." 

Reminds me of the universal laws of compensation and duality... (Sorry for me going all overly philosophical )

Anyway, it's what we all face and we have to fight with our strengths, I suppose although it's tiring.


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## CristianLuca (Mar 22, 2010)

If you start your own blog about all this stuff you will have success. Maybe write a small book in a form of a guide: "Petite guide for INFP girls" or whatever you want to call it. I find your writings so impeccable and with a clear message. It's like every sentence you write I can probably comment a lot on them. It's inspiring. 
About dating, I don&#8217;t know, I keep telling this to people, but they don&#8217;t really get this. I&#8217;m not surprised. Relationship mastery is not for everybody and besides that, every man and woman thinks that they inherently posses the supreme skills in dating and don&#8217;t need relationship advice, I do believe that we have plenty to learn. The true, genuine and positive relationships advices are hard to find. No, really, they are very hard to find. Most of the relationship information out there is about plain manipulation and mind games. I&#8217;m not interested in that, and I think you are not either. The best relationship advice I came across come from 2 guys: Zan Perrion and Stephane Hemon. Zan Perrion has more marketing into his methods compared to Stephane, at his methods appear to me more like quick fixes. But he is a loving man with a true respect for women. Stephane on the other hand is bluntly and honestly expressing the most fuked up things in male behavior regarding relationships. He talks about women as well, but most of his advice is for men. 
It&#8217;s strange how most people prefer to ask a friend some or some random unknown person on the forums instead of going to library or search on web the best possible source for information. It&#8217;s like most people are more opened to my inexperienced relationship advice instead of checking Stephane&#8217;s blog.
And by the way, I find you really attractive, and even if it doesn&#8217;t make a difference: 
1. I love women with thin lips and small mouths (but not that small, cause I have to get my d*** inside). I do have somewhat fat lips, probably the reason why I&#8217;m attracted to the opposite.
2. I like the shape of your shoulders that you were talking about. I love defined womanly shoulders and back, strangely this might seem more like a male feature, but I&#8217;m incredibly attracted to it.


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## Fantastic Fantaseer (Apr 9, 2011)

yah, n is for bringing awarness of awareness. the moment someone becomes "aware" of me I become"aware" of it. and I'm all about vibes. though here at dads house nearly every time we all have dinner together at the table there is this thick "vibe" of tension hangin in the air that I can not cope with. and it feels like if I face or make contact of any kind, even eye contact, with anyone else around the table...well the it feel like I'm getting that tension directed at me, or that I'm makeing a connection between me and the tension, giving it a free flow path from where it is to where I am.


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## lochy (May 10, 2013)

You seem to assume a lot about guys. Although I would probably agree with a lot of it 
I just dont like to be associated with the creepy guy stereotype. It makes me uncomfortable.
Anyways, girls are much more confusing  
I just hate the idea that I'm made to feel like some kind of predator just for being a guy, it bothers me a lot, especially when I just want to care for people. Probably got nothing to do with anything, i still felt like saying it though 
It helps a lot not being so focused on relationships.

Its just interesting reading about the eyes you see the world with, and the people around you.


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