# 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗗𝗼 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗚𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲� [𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹]



## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗗𝗼 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗚𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲��
Dating awareness answers for the people from Source:Quora hidden/Anonymous-see user









*Here's why, The Uncomfortable Truth:





*





Because *It was never about being nice. *
Neither was it about being mean. It is about your genetic health and beauty and IQ and how you can add to that.






Even if you can't make 20% progress each day, Improving yourself just by 1% is a genius move, so take it easy on yourself.

Many answers here(quora) end up attacking the “Nice Guy” syndrome itself, like it’s some kind of great sin to have. Most of these answers make the exact same argument. It’s like a herd mentality of an angry mob which has descended on some poor soul who just asked politely why girls seem to reject him. They all make the assumption that men cannot be nice to a woman in general, unless he’s some devious shmuck out to deflower her.

So I’m going to deviate from the ‘mainstream’ and try to answer the real question. If you are one of the men who wanted to ask this same question, then I hope my answer helps you out in a constructive way.

(Warning: Contains sensitive pictures below. Viewer discretion is recommended.)





At the outset, know that if you consider yourself a well-mannered, cultured, dignified, soft-spoken and cultivated male, you should hold your head high and be proud of yourself.

While growing up, you may have noticed that your parents, neighbours, teachers and the world in general have responded very differently to you compared to the other kids - they have been kind and considerate of your demands. This is because they are adults and elders, who are good at judging the character of a person, and treat him/her accordingly. Now you approach a young girl, and perhaps for the first time, you experience rejection. The fact that it came from a person you so admired makes it doubly sad. You are confused and can’t seem to locate the reason why a nice person like you should be turned down. And hence this question.


So allow me to clarify some inconvenient worldly truths to you.


*Truth No. 1: *Young women do NOT know for certain what they want or what they are looking for. (The same applies to young men as well.)
*Truth No. 2: *Young women are NOT good judges of character. (The same applies to young men as well.)



> (Disclaimer: Ok, these are MY truths based on my experiences, and I’m allowed to do that. These are generalizations, and there are always exceptions. So don’t roast me in the comments.)


A typical young woman’s behaviour is often an enigma for young men. Perhaps you’d think she wants to mask her real feelings, so as to grant herself some power, control and agency, which is hard to come by in a man’s world.

But there’s something else.

Women’s brains are shaped by thousands of years of human existence, struggles and conquests. And this has also conditioned her thoughts, choices and instincts (just as in men, of course).

This process is subconscious, and often she is unaware of why her wants and desires are propelled in a certain direction.

The result is a confused mind; saying one thing, but actually wanting the complete opposite. Such as publicly denouncing male dominance, while secretly craving for it at the same time.

I’ll give some examples below. You'll see here feminine behavior is actually a game.








1.) In the ancient times, invaders would loot and plunder cities and carry off their women on their shoulders and their horses. 👇









But, today, do you know what most women secretly dream of about their man? That he’ll “Sweep me off my feet” and “Carry me in his arms”. The gold standard of quintessential manliness. 👇












> So sexy of him! (This one trick will make sure that your girl never forgets you. I tried it playfully on three different girls. They still think of me fondly.)


Simple romance? Or automatic conditioning that the winning man “got you”, now he’s gonna take you away and…?

2.) Some may say they prefers these guys… 👇









But they actually fall for these guys instead… 👇









3.) This is the type of sex that a girl says she wants… 👇









But, she’ll never tell you that she secretly fantasizes about being dominated and blasted like this… 👇










4.) She says her man should respect and cherish her, but secretly does not mind if her favourite “Bad boy” treats her rough and oversteps her boundaries.

5.) She expects her man to curb his polygamous instincts and stay loyal to her, but she goes weak in the knees returning the persistent stares of a rake.

6.) She is fiercely vocal when an ordinary man stalks her, but secretly loves it when an attractive male gives her the “thrill of a good chase”. It looks as if she wants to be “hunted down”, the way the ancients used to.



> (As an aside, women proudly admit they stalk men far better than men do. And they are right! I have myself faced this on two occassions: once a determined woman spied my mobile number from a protected medical list and called me up, another persistently followed me on her bike to see where I was frequenting at 7 pm every evening. Both were unknown to me at the time, I had to politely ask them to drop the matter immediately. Oh, and I mysteriously found my vehicle’s glass broken after I had warned the former. I let it go, and that was that. Now you know how much more badly women take to being rejected than men. Also, some women are hunters themselves, but like male hunters, they sometimes have to return empty-handed.)


As you can see, every woman has a shadow side to her, which she hides from the outside world. Outwardly, she shows the world her politically-correct side. But inside her own mind, her preferences are guided by an invisible force.

You will eventually need to come to terms with this dichotomy in women, and learn to take their opinion with generous doses of salt. In dating, everyone is playing their own power games, whether they admit it or not. The strongest players deny the loudest.

The important conclusion we can draw is that, through centuries of domination and subjugation by men, some women secretly come to see themselves as prizes to be won by the biggest, baddest and the most outwardly dominant of men. I don’t mean it in a literal sense, of course, and women will vehemently reject this. But the truth is that, although the advent of modern rules-based society no longer privileges strongmen over kind-hearted men, some women have been unable to shake off their long-held evolutionary mating preferences quickly enough. A brief show of confidence and bad-assery is sufficient to trigger a sense of surrender in these women. They “fall in love” with such guys (though you’d wonder whether it’s over their virtues or their vices).

The result is that, between two men equal in every other way, some women are likely to choose the more dominant man over the more empathetic one, despite realizing fully well that the former will keep her subjugated while the latter will elevate her on a pedestal. It’s a trade-off she is willing to make. Note that we are not trying to morally judge her for this. We take women exactly as they are. Nothing more, nothing less.



> (Disclaimer: Men have shadow sides, too, which are not very obvious at first glance. For example, the good-natured guy can be a Karate Blackbelt, the confident guy knows he has little real-life skills, the rebel craves acceptance, the shy guy is often horny, the popular guy may be a compulsive narcissist, and so on…)


So now that you understand what drives women, how do we take it forward? Let me add a further couple of truths below.


*Truth No. 3:* The “Bad Boys” are frequently rejected by girls. While many times, the “Nice Guys” end up with the best girls. It’s just that the Bad Boys don’t go around crying about their losses, nor do the Nice Guys go around trumpetting their successes. Perspective is important.
*Truth No. 4:* Each woman responds to the proposal that best appeals to her suppressed ‘shadow’ side. This is an individual choice, and also depends on her age and maturity. A young uptight woman may be secretly drawn to a rebel, but as she grows older and learns to tame her shadow, she is more appreciative of a conservative guy. Same woman, same guys, different times, different choice. Therefore, her decision of accepting/rejecting you is more a statement on her own value system at that point in time, than a comment on your overall competence.
So don’t lose hope.

For an alternative perspective, let me give you an anecdote from my own life:



> In the final year of my engineering course, I had to take extra coaching classes and shift to the college hostel. On the first day itself, in the coaching class, I met a tall and beautiful homely girl in glasses, physically well-endowed. She was looking at the notice board with me. We just chatted warmly about our prospects.
> The girl came from a well-to-do family, intelligent, well-spoken, well-behaved, but her eyes sparkled a warmth and maturity that was rare. There were hotter girls and boys in class who stared at one another, but I had eyes only for her. She occassionally returned my looks with a warm smile. We often spent exclusive time with each other, in a platonic friendship (we prefered it that way), and she was every bit a nice girl. She was a complete introvert, and interacted minimally with other girls, let alone the boys. But she opened up to me with a lot of trust, sometimes dazzling me with her intelligent insights and simple guilty pleasures.
> Alas, after the classes were over, she moved to another city for a job. After a few years, she married a sweet guy who worked as a manager. When we met, her husband was extremely generous and kind to a fault! He was always this way, my friend says. He still is. They are some of the most genuinely nice people I know.
> You see, when we hit it off initially, we subconciously gave out “nice-person” vibes, and being attuned for the same, we were receptive to it from the other person. It felt like we knew each other’s values. Being in a hostel, I didn’t have a vehicle, had to walk to the classes. I was in no position to ask her out on a date. These things never mattered for her then, it never came between us. I never tried to impress her, she never wore any impressive outfits or jewellery. What does that tell you about her? Is it a coincidence that her husband also ends up being a “Nice Guy” himself? Considering his employer has put him in charge of managing a large team, at least they think he is worth a lot of money. Now do you see what a “Nice Guy” can achieve? I also run a business with a large network of suppliers and customers, and they all work agreeably with me. Sometimes people ask me how I manage to work so smoothly with XYZ, who is considered an a**hole in business circles.


Lesson: If you are a nice person, you will attract nice people around you. Be attuned to the vibes of people. The choice of friend or mate says a lot about that person and the values he/she holds dear.

*So the next time someone rejects you, thank your stars that you got away. Her values and your own are poles apart. *Even if she were to agree to your proposal, you two would soon end up being a pain to each other. Never argue with a woman’s tastes, but neither compromise on your own values.

Alright, you’ve realized your worth. But that still does not answer why you were rejected, right? So let’s talk about rejection a bit.

Rejection is a reaction, a response to an action. That action is typically a ‘proposal’ (for a date, etc.).










Often, some inexperienced men approach women like this: you see her, you like her, you’d give her the ‘eye’ and then you walk up to her, and say “Hi, will you be my friend?” or “Hey, can we meet over coffee?” or some similar variation with a different degree of sophistication.

See what you did there? You just dropped a blind (out-of-the-blue) proposal, against which she is now forced to offer her response in “Yes” or “No”. Catching her completely by surprise, all she’s now looking for is a quick and clean exit. More often than not her response is a “No”, which is a dream-shattering word coming out of a girl’s mouth. And you wonder what’s wrong with you.

Think what led to this situation. If there was no proposal from you, there would have been no rejection from her. This brings us to another truth below:


*Truth No. 5:* Proposals are high-stress situations in dating. They are awkward both for the proposer as well as the proposee. Try to avoid coming to this stage, unless you are fairly sure of a favourable exchange.
The key word is “fairly sure”. You must first make an attempt to know her. And this can only be done by exchanging harmless words with her, with no intention of arriving at a conclusion.



> See a more detailed answer on this aspect below:
> Arpit Ghosh's answer to I proposed to a girl of my batch, but she said no and from the next day she started to notice me and stare at me more than before. Why is she doing this?


Just greet her casually often. Make sure you are not too self-aware and stressed-out, as she will involuntarily mirror your insecurities. If you relax, she does too. If you laugh, she might too. So try to be as nonchalant, non-serious and easy-going as you can, and wear a smile as your copyrighted badge. Don’t try to give too much importance either to her or to yourself, and you’ll be fine.









Keep your initial interactions as short as possible, as it can be socially awkward both for you as well as for your girl. This will help both of you to relax and overcome your fear of each other. (Remember, it can be tough on her, too, as she doesn’t know you yet.) Then gradually you increase the length of your verbal engagements by small degrees. This way, two things happen: (a) you can gauge her interest in you, and (b) she is slowly getting used to your attention, and she might come to like it too.

Just one caveat. If you talk to only your girl, and ignore the other girls nearby, you don’t appear too desirable in girls’ eyes. Women are very social creatures, regardless of how introverted some of them might be. Social opinions matter a lot to them. No woman wants to be seen around a man who does not have a favourable opinion amongst her friends.

So what you need to do is to try to do the same trick on other women in the group. Greet other girls casually in passing. This one decision instantly raises your profile among her peers. The more envy you create, the more desirable you make yourself in their eyes.

Strangely, the girls feel more free in your presence and begin to express themselves. That gives you more information about them. Who knows, you may find that the girl you were interested in no longer appears as desirable or compatible as you thought she would. Maybe it’s time to search for someone else and spare the time and effort on the wrong girl.

So, finally, you arrive at this stage solely because you took a decision to just greet many random girls, instead of putting down a make-or-break proposal in front of only one girl whom you did not know well. Besides, as you went around talking up women, you realize that you’ve changed a bit. Gone is the awkwardness and the fear of talking. Heck, you’ve developed some confidence too. Where did that come from!

To complete your understanding about rejection, you need to finally turn the spotlight on yourself, and ask yourself a few uncomfortable questions.


Are you sexually attractive?










Your “niceness” and agreeableness may be a good asset, but what about your deficiencies? Can you raise your income levels? Can you become fitter and stronger? Could you be more expressive about your emotions, more imaginative with your words and actions? Could you develop more persistence? Could you be more aggressive?



> However, beware of falling into the ‘perpetual insulated self-improvement’ trap. Self-improvement by itself, and in isolation, doesn’t get the girl. You still need to go after her.












*It’s all a power game.* No woman wants a man who has less power than she does. If you come across as a doormat, you’ve rejected yourself before you’ve even begun. Can you stand up to her? Can you at least stand up for your ideals, your convictions, your integrity, your values, your people, if she stands against you? How far can you go to protect them before you give in? Remember, she could be testing you. Life could be testing you, and other women watching keenly for your response. A tough guy showing vulnerablity is as sexy as a quiet man rising valiantly to protect his woman. You need to project either of those qualities at some point in time.
Dating, and the process of seeking a mate, forces a man to raise his standards and rise to the challenge. You must welcome this process. Check what you are missing. Some things just require a mental shift, while others can take years to develop. Till that time, work on your weaknesses and play to your strengths.

Ironically, as you raise your game, you also force women to raise theirs. That pretty girl with zero talents you were eyeing, now suddenly appears less worthy of your time. So you start searching for better prospects - women who have taken up the pains and worked on themselves. The result feels very fulfilling because you’ve both worked hard for it.

As I end this very long article, I leave with you a thought from warfare.



> Know Yourself.
> Know your Enemy.
> Know the Battlespace.
> And Victory will be Yours.


Thank you for staying till the end.

(Images courtesy: Google.)✅


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

"Nice Guys" as an Internet meme refers to men who display entitlement to women's attention, not necessarily guys who are actually nice and simply having bad luck with dating.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

There is a difference between nice guys and "nice" guys.

The former is just, you know, nice. The latter is nice only because they expect to get something in return. People can smell that they're not genuine, and that's why they often get rejected. And unsurprisingly, they usually turn extremely bitter once they got rejected, and their niceness suddenly vanished into thin air.

So nice guys, just keep being yourself. There's nothing wrong with it.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

I want a nice guy who respect me. No, I'm not just saying that. We live in modern times, thank God.


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## Drecon (Jun 20, 2016)

It's interesting how this article on the one hand acknowledges that women are individuals who all want different things, but on the other hand skirts around the concept that "women" as a whole are just a certain way. 

I know that it's a really difficult topic to make sense of, since there are so many individuals who all want different things and have different experiences, but this article does a really weird mix where it's difficult to know where the author really stands.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

What comes to mind reading this is 'For four easy payments of $9.99/month, you too can get the girl of your dreams and wait, you'll receive a bonus box of condoms at no charge if you order now. We accept all major credit cards.'.

Guys, relax. Ask the girl out and if she accepts, have fun and see where things go. If she declines, no harm, no foul so move on. Such is life since there are no guarantees.


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## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

Those that have *extroverted* or *voltional sensing Se* are more prone to noticing physical attractiveness than other types, although this isn't to say that other types can't. However, *Se doms* are usually faster and more enthusiastic in this area.

Knowing where you are in the dating market will help you understand where you stand in terms of beauty. By being honest true, you will have an accurate self-perception about yourself.






A honest assessment of your personal attractiveness will go a long way toward improving your intellect and self-awareness. This may be painful to hear, but knowing the truth about yourself will allow you to truly comprehend who you are.

Understanding "*The Uncomfortable Truths*" will help you feel more at ease in your own skin and in the world. Understanding where you are and how far you can go. *Self-compassion* will put you at peace as you assess yourself accurately.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

X10E8 said:


> 2.) Some may say they prefers these guys… 👇
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Women want men with a monochrome filter on? God damn it, why didn't they teach me this in school?
(These two guys actually look like they could easily be the same person though.)




> 3.) This is the type of sex that a girl says she wants… 👇
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Okay noted. Women want to be rammed by that monochrome dick and have his instagram filter transcends into her.

But maybe they like a bit of both of these though in sex? I mean, I kinda do. The rough stuff, you usually gotta build up to that by doing the first one.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

I knew a couple of "nice" guys growing up. They weren't nice people. One of them used to cuss his mom out for refusing to let him smoke weed in her house. He just put on the nice guy act for women he was into because he's a weak bitch who'll do and say anything to get laid. And then he'd complain about women rejecting him because he's a nice guy. 

Genuinely nice guys don't complain about getting rejected because for the most part, they have to do the rejecting.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

Jeremy Meeks, a criminal who went to jail for* robbery and corporal injury to a child* had his mug shot taken and circulated on the internet. After the overwhelming positive feedback from women simply coz he looked like a bad boy and was attractive, was offered a multimillion dollar contract to become a model. He then married a billionaire's daughter. So yeah, being "nice" don't mean shit when it comes to sexual attraction.


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## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

ENTJudgement said:


> Jeremy Meeks, a criminal who went to jail for* robbery and corporal injury to a child* had his mug shot taken and circulated on the internet. After the overwhelming positive feedback from women simply coz he looked like a bad boy and was attractive, was offered a multimillion dollar contract to become a model. He then married a billionaire's daughter. So yeah, being "nice" don't mean shit when it comes to sexual attraction.


Yep, I agree the reason *Jeremy Meeks* gets so much favourable feedback from ladies isn't because he's a jerk or a bad boy, but because of how *handsome* and *hot* he is. He's a 9 out of 10 or even a *10/10*.

Women can see that he is objectively attractive, and they have hopes that if they are in a relationship with him, she would be able to improve him as a person, his hot so it's worth the risk of dating him.

And It has *nothing to do with being a bad boy.* When an unattractive guy acts like a bad boy, it simply makes things worse for him; nevertheless, when beautiful individuals do it, it's OK. *Women are willing to give him chances. Just as men give hot girls a chance even if she's being a bad girl and a bitch.*

Even if women don't approve of his negative behaviour, he remains extremely handsome. *Most men enjoy bitches if they are 10/10, and women can't help but be turned on by how hot he is. *Snobs can be found in both men and women. In any case, I'd say these two are a fantastic match.


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## FreeKekistan (Mar 4, 2015)

I don't care about nice guys. If you wanna be nice that's your choice, I don't recommend it, that's just feminist rhetoric that has little use in actual dating. Just don't be a SIMP. I have a problem with SIMPS. Idiots that give women everything (money gifts etc) in hopes to get their penis tip wet. SIMPS are the most disgusting type of men. They also tend to react poorly to rejection.


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## Joe Black (Apr 1, 2015)

Drecon said:


> It's interesting how this article on the one hand acknowledges that women are individuals who all want different things, but on the other hand skirts around the concept that "women" as a whole are just a certain way.
> 
> I know that it's a really difficult topic to make sense of, since there are so many individuals who all want different things and have different experiences, but this article does a really weird mix where it's difficult to know where the author really stands.


I think it's rather normal that a type or group have things in common whilst being individual and different. We're on a personality forum after all. Each personality type share lots of traits and can be very different people.

Same goes for women. Women share similar characteristics and tendencies. Some traits are more widely shared than other traits. And yet they're all different individuals. Some are butch thic weight lifters, some are pretty, petit princess ballerinas, others scientists and hackers etc.

I also noticed most of those "Truth" statements were (and can be) actually applied to both men and women, so that's even broader than saying "all women are like..." it's saying all people are like...
1.Young people don't know what they want
2.Young people are bad judges of character
3."nice"/sensitive people just cry about rejection more than the "strong types" who may get rejected a lot but aren't as vocal.
4.People are drawn to their suppressed ‘shadow’ side. (aka Opposites attract)
5.Proposals are high-stress situations in dating


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## Joe Black (Apr 1, 2015)

X10E8 said:


> Yep, I agree the reason *Jeremy Meeks* gets so much favourable feedback from ladies isn't because he's a jerk or a bad boy, but because of how *handsome* and *hot* he is. He's a 9 out of 10 or even a *10/10*.
> 
> Women can see that he is objectively attractive, and they have hopes that if they are in a relationship with him, she would be able to improve him as a person, his hot so it's worth the risk of dating him.
> 
> ...


I dig his hair cut.


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## FreeKekistan (Mar 4, 2015)

Women control access to sex. Men control access to relationships.


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## aerstyu (Mar 3, 2021)

Ewok City said:


> There is a difference between nice guys and "nice" guys.
> 
> The former is just, you know, nice. The latter is nice only because they expect to get something in return. People can smell that they're not genuine, and that's why they often get rejected. And unsurprisingly, they usually turn extremely bitter once they got rejected, and their niceness suddenly vanished into thin air.
> 
> So nice guys, just keep being yourself. There's nothing wrong with it.


Well said! I can see this as something very prominent in my life, and it explains why I am more willing to befriend some guys over others. With my Se-Ni, I am pretty good at detecting very subtle physical cues and understanding the intentions behind them. When I try to explain this "vibe" I get from people, it seems like a lot of people don't understand it. I'm pretty sure these "nice" guys don't even realize that I can pick up on these. Most of the time I just choose to ignore them or subtly steer away.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Excess agreeability has a lot to answer for. I would hazard a theory that very agreeable men are some of the least attractive individuals on the planet, although this can likely be offset with physical attractiveness and some other attributes (height...etc).

Simply put, after a certain point being 'nice' becomes synonymous with either being manipulative/deceptive or being a complete pushover who won't stand up for themselves or anyone else. Take a good long look at history and tell me how many people were successful and known for being 'nice'. Kindness maybe, empathy, works both terrible and beautiful, but not nice.

Nice is a quaint word, used for things like describing a superficial social interaction you had with some people you know. There was nothing particularly meaningful in it, you went to a nice cafe, had a nice chat, and had a nice coffee.
It's a filler word for something vaguely pleasing but not intensely meaningful or fulfilling. It's rare that people get down on their knees to proclaim the passion they have for their daily coffee (though no doubt exceptions exist).
So I'd never want to be nice and it makes me shrivel inside whenever I have been described that way. It means I am unthreatening and uninteresting. I'd rather be kind, decent, tough when necessary, able to take a stand when the circumstances reveal themselves as such a moment, but also able to recognise when I've gone too far, to not slip into arrogance and the cold indifference of others.

I'm generalising here, but I do believe we are currently obsessed with the tyranny of what looks like strength, but not as aware of the tyranny of weakness, which is also the domain of the tyranny of niceness. People-pleasing doesn't beget change or advancement as you often have to upset people and go against the grain in order to make your point or challenge common practices. We'd have never survived this long as a species if we were so obsessed with this modern, overly-intellectualised, version of being nice, which places inoffensiveness and a sickly-sweet demeanor above the discomforts of conflict. Yet some of the most important changes arose out of conflict, not hand-wringing avoidance.

If you want dangerous snakes in your garden, then by all means let them in and remove the fence, but don't complain when one bites you and injects it's 'nice' venom.

Don't be nice, be good.


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

X10E8 said:


> Yep, I agree the reason *Jeremy Meeks* gets so much favourable feedback from ladies isn't because he's a jerk or a bad boy, but because of how *handsome* and *hot* he is. He's a 9 out of 10 or even a *10/10*.


WHAAT he's supposed to be a ten??

... I'll just shut up about the hotness of men in the future.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

DOGSOUP said:


> WHAAT he's supposed to be a ten??
> 
> ... I'll just shut up about the hotness of men in the future.


Not to me. He’s very uncanny valley. (I know that’s generally reserved for AI but yeah he triggers that feeling for me)



Worriedfunction said:


> Don't be nice, be good.


I think I post this in every thread like this:


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

Queen of Cups said:


> Not to me. He’s very uncanny valley. (I know that’s generally reserved for AI but yeah he triggers that feeling for me)


yeah, that's exactly it


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Queen of Cups said:


> I think I post this in every thread like this:
> 
> View attachment 886588


Shame I missed that, it's a good message that's always worth repeating.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

Worriedfunction said:


> Shame I missed that, it's a good message that's always worth repeating.


It’s from Into The Woods (the broadway version is on YouTube but it’s from the 80s so its kinda grainy). But it’s something my dad told me when I was younger.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Queen of Cups said:


> It’s from Into The Woods (the broadway version is on YouTube but it’s from the 80s so its kinda grainy). But it’s something my dad told me when I was younger.


Your dad was very insightful then. I wish someone had told me something similar growing up. 
It's definitely true in my case that an excess of niceness interfered and ruined various aspects of my life and I've worked really hard to try and bring less niceness and more good into my character.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

X10E8 said:


> 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗗𝗼 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗚𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲��
> Dating awareness answers for the people from Source:Quora hidden/Anonymous-see user
> View attachment 886386
> 
> ...


Apparently there's more than one facet to this. First, some men simply try to hard and wind up being creepy. The other side is that women actually do find "bad boy" men oddly attractive. I tend to think that there's a biological component there. What woman wants a long term mate who's a pushover? How will he defend her and any potential offspring they might have? So a man whose a little: "rough around the edges," and is physically handsome, will get a better shot at the prize. 









If you think you're one of those 'nice guys' you need to read this right now


Although if you genuinely are nice, there are ways out of the friend-zone




www.independent.co.uk













5 Scientific Reasons Why Women Just Won't Go For The Nice Guys


Most women claim to want the guy who is sensitive, emotionally fluent and intimate. Yet, when it comes down to it, women consistently chase after the “bad boy," the guy who is narcissistic, self-absorbed and avoids all forms of intimacy as if…




www.elitedaily.com







https://www.drpeterkilmann.com/pdf/niceguy.pdf











Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?


When warm and kind faces off against bold and sexy.




www.psychologytoday.com













For Majority of Women, Nice Guys Finish First


Although in the dating world the phrase "nice guys finish last" has become something of a truism, according to a study published in Sex Roles, the majority of women prefer "nice guys" to "macho men." ...




www.psypost.org













If you think you're one of those 'nice guys' you need to read this right now


Although if you genuinely are nice, there are ways out of the friend-zone




www.independent.co.uk


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

X10E8 said:


> 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗗𝗼 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗚𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗲��
> Dating awareness answers for the people from Source:Quora hidden/Anonymous-see user
> View attachment 886386
> 
> ...


I think nice guys get rejected even though they're being nice because they have no personality. They don't know how to be fun.

And sometimes, they don't push the boundaries to be fun, our of respect. But respect doesn't mean always agreeing and always doing what the other person says, respect is just treating people right, to be considerate about the way they feel.

Take for example Clyde from 13 Reasons why, was he nice? absolutely. Was he fun? not really, he was kind of dull, kind of boring, kind of there.

People want to have fun and have a good time, that's how you make them fall in love with you, that's how you make them enjoy your presence.

Just for the record: I'm not saying being nice is bad, don't be an jerk, that is bad. I'm just saying that being nice is not everything. It's simply not in that other person's best interest to be with someone who is nice but dull.

Take teasing for example, a nice guy would likely never try/risk to tease a woman out of fear of being offensive and insulting her or hurting her feelings. And while that can indeed happen if you get too personal or keep going at it for too much, being a constant tease, the challenge & humor can be fun in teasing. So they might enjoy it even though it's a bit stingy or offensive. There's are layers, there's a differnece between a bit offensive & very offensive. Most people can enjoy the former and be amused by it, it depends on their character.

*The same type of humor is not for everyone, different people find different things funny*. And when it comes to jokes that could potentially be offensive, only make fun of a trait that is not so bothersome. You make fun of a feature that is not so deranging.

Some light forms of making fun of someone is just nagging them.

For example: If an animal runs away from them *"look, not even animals like you"* or *"don't worry about failing in life, you have options, there's always room to work as a janitor"* or "you're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't". Or "you look like a zombie" if they have something on their face or are very tired. Or even sarcastically say "thank you for the support" when it's clearly not the case, and if they tell that to you "always, you know that you can always count on me", "I appreciate it".

And you need to have the tone to make it clear its sarcasm.

Take for example this, Brie Larson video:




She was clearly trying to be witty & funny. But because she didn't had a good tell her sarcasm would usually not be noticed. Sarcasm requires a tell. When you make fun of people, you need a sudden change in your voice or tone to make it clear you're not serious in those moments.

*Without going over the top, her sacrasm appears sincere defensiveness*. *Going over the top communicates that you don't mean what you say*. When you're being sacrastic, do not be flat in your delivery, especially if the literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk. Go over the top in changing your tone, your gestures or facial expressions to help people, this helps people disthinguish between normal conversation and a character that you're playing for the joke.

If there's no absurdity, no exaggeration, no smile, no high-pitched voice, just flat out statements, there's no tell for playfulness.

*As for the how?* There's no clear definition, that's the nature of humor, it's random. *Humor is simply things that are absurd, that make no sense, something is funny because it's weird*, it stands out, it's a break from the social or moral norms, just let your mind run wild and see what you come up with.

*The same is true for teasing, there's no set in stone rule for a perfect tease, you have to be creative, and the best tease is usually indirect, you don't outright call a person fat or ugly or unskilled or whatever, but you imply it with something else*. And teasing is usually circumstantial, you make things of the situation or things you have around you to make a good tease, or even make stereotypes or point out the obvious.

*You can tease someone for having an immoral behavior, an out of order behavior,* you can throw random comments like _"I know you will lose"_ it's still a form of teasing.

*Your, you can turn it the other way around and make a *_*"good tease"*_. *Like, instead of "I know you will lose" say "You are already 3 steps ahead of us" with a sarcastic tone*. And, you can dispel one of their insecurities with teasing. If they are insecure about it, make fun of them for making a big deal about something so minor, like if someone thinks they have an ugly costume, you can be like *"that's it? is this what I'm supposed to be shocked about? wow"*. *You don't tease them about something bad about them, but instead tease them for feeling bad about something that's good about them*.

The last one is amazing because it's a tease that builds people up, it encourages them.

*Or you can take advantage of people's general expectation to be compliant in society* when something is asked of them from people who don't know them very well, like if someone you don't know asks you: "do you want to try that thing" and you probably don't want, but because you don't know that person very well you accept it; you can take advantage of that to put people into uncomfortable situations and make fun of them. Not serious uncomfortable or bad, but slightly annoying for them.

*Teasing, is saying something bad about them but you have to say it with conviction and it has to be indirect, it has to be creative*. Bonus point if its based on something true, like a small flaw of theirs. As long as they are not insecure about it.

*What I mean by indirect is that you can't go around and say "you're stupid", that's being insulting not playfully teasing*. You have to be creative, to imply the conclusion in one way or another, like "I just got this job!", "are they that desperate?". *You tease them about something bad about them*, and downplay them, make them less important than they really are or less skilled than they really are, but without personal or direct attacks.

*Even if the sarcasm is taken out of context or completely understood as serious, those things could be not offensive if you're close with that other person*. Deranging and dislikeable? yes. Nobody likes to hear that animals don't like them, that they will fail in life, that they are so skinny or that they look like a zombie. But offensive? no. They will dislike that little nagging, but it's hard to be offended because someone says animals don't like you, to be offended it has to be something personal.

*If someone is insecure about something, you can turn the tease around tease them for being so insecure about that thing, acting like it's not a big deal*. This has the purpose to comfort people about something they are insecure about.

Bantering on the other hand, is just teasing with a 2-way street. Having back & fourth pride exchange on the road. The regular teasing. *While also making it clear you're cool with it*.

*Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay"*, "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal.

*You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment*. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see [pointing out to her being cold], keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]". And she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

*Or if it's raining outside and they are very wet*, you can say "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?". And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

*The most funny thing is the narrative*. How is said and what is said, rather than the most devastating insult possible, it's teasing not a roast. That's why things like when it's raining outside and she's cold asking her "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" can be so funny, *you're not saying anything offensive or insulting, you're poking fun at her for being cold*.

It's about building a frame, not stating it outright but letting the conclusion be formed, the conclusion in that case being that you're poking fun at her for being too cold, but you don't outright say "haha, haha, you're too cold". *Teasing is basically playing with them*.

*You can also tease them by challenging them*. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away.

I can't tell for sure, but I think teasing works best with a mindset. And I think the mindset for it is *don't be serious*, a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive.

*Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. But you are not above making fun of them*. And remember that most of communication is non-verbal. It's all good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.

*You can also tease by jokingly prasing yourself*, not saying "I'm so great" but *"that's what it means to be a boss"*, praising yourself in some indirect way. And of course, praising yourself about non-serious minor things, so that they won't think you're an arrogant or bragger.

If you're too worried about coming across as offensive you may close yourself and never actually speak as in state your mind. And if you never do that, you will never get feedback whether what you did was right or wrong, so you're stuck in that cyrcle of uncertainity or fear. *But if you do speak your mind, even with the risk of being offensive at times, you will eventually learn what is funny and isn't and adapt*.

*Probably the most telling in teasing is the attitude. A good smiling and dynamic attitude can get the point across that you are joking*. But the more serious and rigid you are, the more people won't be able to pick up on sarcasm.

*You got to be willing to be 'attacking' a bit. You got to be willing to break some boundaries*. Sometimes it can be good to step a boundary. Sometimes you got to have initiative, to have guts, or you will lose a lot of opportunities in life. Have courage, take a risk, and insist in spite of it. Same idea as above I guess, to be someone he can rely on. While adding a bit of risk and insistance in the equation. This is where stepping a boundary comes in, but I don't think it's a jerk move, unless you get clear signals of a "no", you got to read people. For example: if someone says "stop" but laughs, do you think they want you to stop? *It's more about how you make them feel than what they say*.

*As for how not to cross the line between playful teasing and offensive teasing*. While you should just say what you think and see what it comes to mind, while you should push some boundaries and essentially _"treat them like a child"_. You have to remember to keep the teasing light, nothing too offensive that the other person would be insecure about.

*It's loving to jokingly tease and being teased in return, as long as it doesn't go too far, often times it's during light-hearted teasing when one accidentally ends up actually hurting the other's feelings*. If you happen to do that, which may happen, apologise and say you won't do it again. That you didn't mean it and thought of it as a joke.

*Teasing is a way of expressing your comfort and trust with someone*. For example, say you were verbally teasing your boyfriend or girlfriend by saying that you were cheating on them. If the trust between the two of you wasn't very large yet, or your partner actually does occasionally worry of the possibility that you might cheat on them, they may not find it even the slightest bit funny. But if you're absolutely secure with each other and you know that your partner would never cheat on you, then you might find it very funny. The key words being: does, know, never.

*The irony and perhaps cool thing about teasing is that teasing is a form of flirtation*. To tease, after all, means *to put someone down, usually gently and playfully*, though not necessarily, however, people don't normally enjoy being put down, so why is it not only acceptable but enjoyable to be teased as a form of flirting?

*Some would argue that putdowns are a way to assert dominance* and when a man teases a woman he is asserting his male dominance which consciously and unconsciously reminds both parties of the dominant role men nornally take. But *I actually think that teasing is fun because it's a call to arms*.

A challenge. That's what makes it fun. I like verbally sparring with people, when someone makes a teasing comment I see it as an invitation to some playful competition. *Men love it when women tease them, so I doubt it's about male dominance*.

Playful banter is fun, *call me out on my shit and poke and prod at me in a playful way, I love it, and I love doing it*. To me, it says _"I know your flaws and I know exactly how you tick, and I so fucking love you for it"_.

*Teasing often is a "playful competition" where you get to exercise your mind in this respect, it is intellectually stimulating and fun*, but what is this competition but a test of wits where there is often a "winner" and a "loser"? and if a person consistently "wins" these competitions, why does that not establish a form of dominance?

*Playful teasing is a form of, well, play. It's a communicating, "I'm comfortable enough with you to play with your ego and you are comfortable enough with me to handle it"*. Because you can't tease everyone, only people you're really close with, so in a way the fact that you can afford teasing someone it implies the 2 of you are close and trust each other. *Like 2 brothers fighting, they fight, but they are still brothers*. And teasing can be very helpful from a self-development point of view. Because they're making you aware of something you do or something you are in a playful way.

*How can you tell when teasing is harmless versus not okay? By following a general rule with about all forms of meanness / bitchyness: Never directly damage someone's charisma*. Their appearance of being intelligent, competent, attractive, etc. *Note that the key word is *_*"directly"*_, you can absolutely indirectly call someone _"stupid"_ when teasing by saying something that implies it.

*On the other hand, calling someone "a shit head" or telling them to "go die in a ditch" does directly target a aspect that makes up the person's charisma*. Heck, if you said it because they out played you, then it just makes them look better. *Or hearing from someone "shut up" because they only say it whenever they have no counter to your logic*. Calling someone an "idiot" or "worthless" in reference to something they said or did is again showing that they "lost" and have no way to counter your logic. Slowly clap and say "fail" when they do such a thing.

*Teasing is essentially making fun of people in an indirect way*. *Who can be more indirectly devastating*. Sarcastically exposing or highlighting the perceived bad in them. A way that is slightly hurtful but mostly funny. And people love it, it's a great way to bond with people, for the reasons mentioned above: you can only people you're really close with, so the fact that you can afford teasing someone it implies the 2 of you are close and trust each other. You can tease someone lightly first, making fun in ways that is only mildly offensive like something that is not insulting but still bad for them and only later go for things like: _"we all have some flaws, you more than others"_. *Behind everything, teasing are just jokes, finding an indirect way to make fun of the other person*. Calling them on their crap or tease them about something bad about them. And when you banter, build on the other person's words and say something more devastating in return.

*Basically you have to "look down on them" but without hate and not for real*.

*Of course, not everyone is on board with it, it depends on the character of the other person*. Some people can see it like bullying them, which is not the case. Really, you're just having some fun. But some people, they tease right back. Some could actually get you to shut up and laugh at them. Some can actually make you break out laughing. In a way, teasing can be a test of how shrewd you are.

*Sometimes "playfulness" gets interpreted as "mean"*. *Being teased verbally is fine to me if the other returns fire and is amused by it*. But if I see someone that doesn't like teasing and it continues I will intervene on their behalf though. I agree that it depends on personality and the way you interpret it. That is one of my favorite forms of teasing if it is silly and not done in a way that would be embarrassing or such.

*When it comes to teasing, make fun of a trait that is not so bothersome*. Not so deranging. That the other person isn't insecure about. *Making fun of their character or worth are usually safe places*. And it also depends how familiar you are with the other person, you need to build a level of comfort before that.

There are layers to things you can make fun of, *start with something small, that is not so bothersome, but still implies messing with them, for example you can make fun that an object they have is really bad*, like their phone, how are they going to be offended by that? or by treating them like a kid, giving them a small chair and stuff like that, again, *they might find it amusing, but it's really hard to be offeded by what, being indirectly called a child?

Teasing is about taking their flaws or misgivings and expoliting them in a funny way*. Making fun that they are going to fail at something, that they are not so skilled at something, that they are not such a good person, that they need to do X to Y, pointing out something embarassing, making associations "you look like, play like". There are many ways in which you can tease without offending the other person. *And of course, don't do it in public but in a safe enviroment*.

*Affective teasing is a bit like nagging them, grinding their gears*. *There is a sort of faked arrogance in teasing. A certain pride or arrogance, or at least that's where the teasing seems to come from*, jokingly assuming you have a better position than the other person, even if at the end of the day it means nothing and are just jokes. Either there is a slight superiority in teasing, a slight smug feeling of _"I'm better than you"_ but in an ironic way. Or implication of lack of importance for them, a slight feeling of "you are lower than me" but again in an ironic not a real way. Or not necessarly in relation with "me" just _"you are low"_.

*But teasing should not be the only funny thing you do, or people would think you're a jerk*. *And if you do tease, also throw in some extra compliments from time to time to show that you don't really mean what you're saying and you're just joking*. Eventually, you can ask them _"do my jokes offend you? if they do, please tell me and I'll stop"_. *You know, you can show your good character to make up for the bad*. The 'bad' in teasing is more likely to be seen as a joke if you're thought of as as someone who would not genuinely think or do that.

*And if your joking "repertoire" involves things like: normal jokes about various things, self-irony, something absurd, changing the context or making fun of someone not related to the discussion*. You know, just normal non-serious talk. It's going to be way more obvious that your teasing are just jokes, since you're also making other kinds of jokes, but even then, don't overdo the teasing, there is a difference between messing with a person and cornering them and constantly making fun of them.

When someone is being teased, there is a cocktail of emotions, *if you managed to piss them off or annoy or upset them but they still like it, that's teasing done right*.

Much like in roasting, where as opposed to teasing there you try to be as devastating as possible, where as teasing is a light insult probably by only making fun of a trait that is not so bothersome,* the idea is to be sarcastic*. Even in roasting, have you ever had one of those moments when someone insults you so bad that you're impressed by it?

The same is true with teasing, a good tease can make you feel slightly negative but mostly positive. *When people get called out on their crap and being poked and prod at, it can amuse them greatly*.

Of course, it's only fun when both parties know it's not serious. *If you pissed them off and they still like it, it's usually teasing done right*. And *if try try to chase you and "get you back" that means they enjoy it*.

*Teasing only works when the person teased is confident that the teasing is just teasing*. *That the jokes are really just jokes, that you don't really believe and you don't mean*. Which has a lot to do with the reputation of the teaser, how that person views him. Show your good character to make up for the bad. The 'bad' in teasing is more likely to be seen as a joke if you're thought of as as someone who would not genuinely think or do that.

*Don't hold yourself back out of fear of being offensive*. If you manage to be offensive, apologise and do learn from it, and say that it was a joke and you don't mean it. But probably, you may really not be as offensive as you are thinking yourself to be in your head. *Your filters may be good*. *Your mind and fears may not be*.

*And, stop trying to force yourself to do it*. *If it happens to think of it, great, do it*. *If it doesn't, great, don't do it, just let it flow naturally*. Let yourself to think of it naturally and when you find something funny or feel in the mood for it you'll say it.

*And the counter-intuitive irony is, you can think of more funny things more often when you are just letting yourself be*. And if something funny comes up great, if it doesn't also great, than when you are forcing yourself, trying to, proposing yourself to be funny. It's the equivalent of that thing when you don't know where the keys are, so you think about it really hard, but because you think about it really hard you can't find them, it's only when you stop thinking about them that you suddenly realise where you left them. And if it happens to let go and still not find them, it's cool, you'll find them eventually.

*Yes, but you can "read" people. It's not about being emotional as it is about being a childish and playful person in general*. *People who are childish and playful enjoy teasing a lot more in general*.

*People who know how to take a joke without being easily offended, people who aren't crabby*. Some people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very easily offended. The stone cold easily offended should be avoided at all costs. Other people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very in tune with the jokes and how humor works. You can look at them whether they have a more playful atttiude in general or are more serious. In a bit off-topic note, I think people should be civillized, respectful, smile, understanding, not oriented on conflict, know how to take a joke and don't get easily offended, but also have dignity and self-respect.

*Now, everybody has a "soft spot" and obviously you should avoid very hurtful subjects, don't make fun of things they could be insecure about, usually things that are permanent or they are very afraid of*. But if an apple fell on someone's head or they lose a game, most playful are not going to be very offended about that, regardless of how emotional or stone cold they are.

*It's important to consider the group when making jokes like that, if you can afford it with the group*. That's why you can be most carefree in a group of 2 or with a small group that you know very well and you can pull your feets with endlessly. But even in larger groups, depending how formal you have to be, you can still find jokes that generally won't offend them.

*Sometimes you have to restrict yourself a bit, like with distant relatives, you can still joke around but eh it's not the same*. Or at a party where you don't know anyone or with your superiors, yeah, might as well restrict yourself a lot there and keep yourself in check, to have a certain conduct.

*The mood of the other person is also a good point you may want to consider*. It also depends on what mood the other person is. If they are in a good mood, probably up for it, otherwise, probably not.

*Teasing is essentially a playful way of saying "you're doing bad" without really meaning it and only do it with people you can afford teasing with*. Teasing them about something bad about them.

*You have to balance the good with the bad*. A lot of teasing is just being creative. Teasing is all high vibes and fun, and the teasing itself is light.

*And when someone makes fun of you, don't get offended. Either:*
(a) they might push harder on it if they have bad intentions because the realize it hurts you, trying to dominate you.
(b) they might stop as they realise you were offended and apologize if they have good intentions, but will likely be more careful the next time they joke around you.
*Instead:* If you find something funny, either *exaggerate the joke about you, make it even worse than it originally was, or give them a good comeback equal to their 'attack'*. Something that is either (a) based on them, something they do or they are, (b) something that uses their own words against them, beating fire with their fire. Devastating (c) *combo if you can manage to find something about themselves and use their own words against them at the same time*. *Basically, an appeal to hypocrisy*. Or if you can't find nothing at all: just laugh. Just laugh at the joke. Go with the joke and laugh.
*Of course if it's really serious/ offensive/ hurtful and its a private setting you can tell them about it*. Don't fall in the other extreme where you end up hurt inside but laughing on the outside just to please others.

And when you make fun of others, always give them the room or reassurance that they can tell you if you cross the line and say something to offensive.

There are plenty of things you can use to make fun of others without being offensive, that often depends on the context, *usually by exaggerating things about them or their flaws*.

*For example: if someone constantly asks you for help with various things, you can make fun of them, calling them "profiteering" of you*. The general principle in teasing is: making fun of small flaws, even about yourself.

*There also has to be an atmosphere for joking, people who are more playful and childish can get this*. The general fun atmosphere makes everything laughable. It makes everything to laugh.

*Some people have bluescreen when it comes to this, how can teasing be fun and affectionate if at the end of the day is insulting? to be put down, to downplay them*, the non-serious ironic discussions. To make it cool, non-serious, catering but with jokes instead of food. Looking at them _"from a position of superiority"_ and thinking of something funny. It's because, first of all, it's funny. *Second, it's a a challenge*. A challenge to see if you can find a better comeback or turn their words. *And second, you can be very playful and childish and make fun of them on the surface, but deep down be very caring and affectionate of them*. As I said above, the good with the bad.

*It's also about a big deal of trust, trust that you're joking, that you're not serious*. This is why we are more likely to tease with people close to us, that we feel comfortable teasing with, and are likely to find a tease from a stranger rather insulting. You have to build a level of comfort with someone before you can start teasing.

*A laughing attitude also helps, it can cheer everyone up*. *Even if you make fun of someone, if you do it in a light and positive way, while laughing, it can be appreciated*, raise their spirits and convinced them to not be so grumpy anymore.

*Be willing to make fun of others to raise their spirit and be will to make fun of yourself for being incompetent or incapable*. If done within reason, you can create a better and more positive experience in the room, where people can feel free to be more relaxed and more of themselves without fear of being judged.

Be benevolent. Have a benevolent attitude towards people. *Be benevolent, helpful, and expect benevolence, being helped*. Until contrary evidence.

*You can be a bit slick if you want, but be benevolent*. Have a benevolent atttiude to people. *You will see how many things you can get away with if you just treat people nicely and with trust*. Because sometimes, we treat people unconsciously in direct relation to our expectations.

*Go for self-deprrcating humor*. *And humor deprecating others*. *The little lies can be funny*. Such as lying about an insignificant thing to get things your way, someone asks which glass of water is yours and you jokingly say that the one who is the fullest without looking at them. It's a bit slick but the point is that above all it's funny.

*Make fun of every little thing that happens weirdly*. You can amuse yourself and make fun of everything that is out of the ordinary. And in fact that is what humor is, and that's what we find funny, things that are out of the ordinary.

F*un people are the best, the ones who bring humor and a laughing attitude*. Fun and loving (caring, tender, romantic). And attractive (make them want you).

With social initiative. And more high uplifted spirit, sort of. Asking you things out of nowhere, what have you done. Funny, humor.

*If you don't like yourself, you got to change, to change yourself*. Well, not all of you, but parts of your personality. And you can do that, people do that when they overcome and addicton or become more productive or start working out. You can say that "to change myself".

*But keep your morals*. If someone is a really great person with you, a person of 10 grade with you, don't be bad with them. And don't wish to see other people hurt, either through your action or your inaction.

*Of course, you can be bad with them not out of wickedness, but out of your own problems*. If such a thing happens, your best best is to go ahead and tell them "bro, I'm sorry". "I wasn't bad, except with these, but out of my own insanity, not out of wickedness".

Ok, I'm getting off-topic. *Teasing, is about thinking about something bad about them, and saying it indirectly in a way that is funny, the small flaws*. The small flaws that you exploit. And as said above, when you make fun of small flaws, you can make fun even about yourself. *And it's about that general attitude of laughter and humor, of having a good time*.

*There is a bit of wickedness in teasing, since you're essentially saying something bad about them, but playful wickedness, which is okay*. There is a bit of stingy 'attack' in teasing, like the bee's sting as I gave the example, but that stinging can be fun. There is a difference between that stinging 'attack' and a real big offensive teasing that would upset them and hurt their feelings in a bad way.

*So there is a bit of wickedness too but not really as it's not serious*. *The point is not to hurt their feelings, the point is to amuse them and be amused yourself*. So the point is not to treat them with gloves but to not make fun of things that they will be upset / insecure about. Like, you make fun of them for being a bad cook. Clearly offensive! they don't know how to cook, but if they don't care about being a good cook, it's not a big deal for them, how offensive is it really? a bit, like being stinged by a bee, but not to the point where you're insecure about.

*Only do it with the other person if they can take it, if they are the type of person that can enjoy a personal offensive tease like that*. Otherwise, you can do it about someone else when you are with them. *It's not being evil, it's simulating wickedness, if anything it shows that you are aware of the bad of the people but still like them*. Or point out the obvious that everybody is thinking but nobody saying. 

*Also compliment them sometimes to show you don't really mean your teasing and you're just joking*. Eventually, you can ask them _"do my jokes offend you? if they do, please tell me and I'll stop"_. If you're thought as someone who would not genuinely think or do the things you tease them about, the 'bad' in teasing is more likely to be seen as a joke.

*And have a various joking repertoire, even with jokes teasing can't be the only thing you do: normal jokes about various things, self-irony, something absurd, changing the context or making fun of someone not related to the discussion. Having a normal non-serious discussion*. Which is just generally fun, where you don't make fun of anyone in particular but it's just fun and sarcastic and sassy, like taking things out of context and stuff like that. If you make all kinds of jokes, it's going to be more obvious that your teasing is also just jokes.

*The point of teasing is to be amused*. And when done right, with the other person's feelings in mind and the goal to lift them up and amuse them by making fun of them, *you can hear people saying *_*"I was very amused with (...)"*_.

*And of course, all of that teasing is just surface*. _*You can in fact be very attentive towards them*_. As I said before, you can be very playful and childish and make fun of them on the surface, but deep down be very caring and affectionate of them.

That's pretty much it. And since I was talking about productivity and changing yourself above. It all starts from the mindset. So you got to "give yourself" the right mindset: Be productive. Be productive. Be productive. I have to sacrifice some things to get other things. Get out of the comfort zone and do what must be done to advance in your main quest.


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## INTJ_Artist (Aug 19, 2021)

You are waaaaay over-thinking this. Seduction is not that hard.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Same reason why women can be rejected while being nice:

Because people don't automatically want to get into relationship with/have sex with someone just because they are nice?

Am I missing something?

Like if a little old grandma smiles and offers me a cookie or something, I don't pull up my skirt and bend over--I don't think niceness is supposed to somehow equate to having sex. 

I think most people are nice because it's the decent thing to do, and then the rest of them are nice because they're being slimy, smarmy assholes who want something, which is probably what most of the complaints about "nice guys" are about.

Because people are complex and they have different conditions under which they feel comfortable with or interested in being in a relationship or otherwise engaging in romantic or sexual behavior with someone?


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