# I had sex with my best friend, I don't know how I feel about him ?(sorta graphic)



## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

*(Edit : Highlighted the main parts)
*
Hello. This is a bit of an essay, bear with me. I'm 22 so bear in mind I'm not as old as some when it comes to this.
I've made this account because I would have been recognized off my other account, if anyone were to look hard. I doubt they would but it would be awkward if they had proof it was me..

*So, I've been close friends with this ENFJ for a good long time now. (I'm an INFP)* I'd call them more of a new best friend, it's not a life long friendship thing from a young age, but it's been in the past few months we've gotten really close, though I've been good friends with him for a while. I never thought I'd ever be in this position. I friendzoned him essentially, and I did it for good reason. I've been in totally destroyed friendships because of sex. So, here I am...AGAIN..

Recently, I've realized that I had been getting the most intense sexual urges of my entire life towards him. The strangest past is that I don't feel that normal way that one gets in limerance.. I don't think he looks physically that attractive. *It's not like a crush. It was a sudden, intense 'woah' I want to f*** my friend right here right now!' But it's so weird and feels almost wrong because I don't actually think he looks that good in a physical way to me. I don't know if that's because I've been friends with him or because I've always felt like that though. it's the most peculiar thing and it's making me feel incredibly guilty.*

Anyway, I've been feeling like this for a while now apparently, and one day we were at his, and somehow, I don't know how we ended up kissing. Oh my god. *It was the most intensely sexual thing I've ever felt in my life.* It's like he was in my brain and knew where and when I wanted kissed, and it was so unexpected! To the women out there, ever had a guy lightly blink so his eyelashes are against your neck, and then slowly kiss the neck and ear...it's getting me hot thinking about it. We stopped before we took it too far, he stopped it anyway, for the best. 

The next time this happened, hands were involved, and I've never been fingered that well in my life. He's the only person I've ever had make me orgasm without me having to say a word to him about how to do it. I've had entire relationships without ever having an orgasm, and believe me I've tried to explain it in every way possible. It's pretty difficult to orgasm when you are all too aware that they are worrying about you doing it. In fact, bringing it up usually just ruins any mood usually. The way he stroked my legs and body and smelt my hair,* I cannot put in to words how strange it is to have your best friend who you don't find that attractive in a physical sense turn into some amazing bedroom wizard.*

On some sort of silent level, we must have made the decision together to just f*** each other. Due to limitations we never really managed it, and I think he's been feeling pretty nervous about it. After proclaiming that he's only had sex in one position, we finally got the nervous first time over with. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped. However, a few hours later, he clearly got a bit of self confidence and I'm struggling to type this with the memory of it. I'm going to assume that he's not had sex that much if he said that, which is even more confusing because it was the most passionate and physical and mentally stimulating thing I've ever been through.

*I have NEVER felt like this sexually. I have never properly understood the big deal about sex, up until now. *I've had many long term relationships (Well, up to a year and a half) and one night stands, I've supposedly been in love, and I've never felt so physically wanting to sex up my friend. I was drunk recently and I realized* I'm really not ready for a relationship, yet*. I don't know how to put it without making it clear that it's not because I want to sleep around, and I won't even get close to another man out of respect to his feelings, but it's because mentally I just don't like the idea of it. I don't want my friends opinions to change because of this, I don't want people judging me because of this if they are going to, and I certainly don't want to go out and have to act like I'm the other half of someone when I'm my own person. We haven't even brought it up and I don't want to but I don't want to lead him along thinking that I'm going to be his girlfriend in the next few weeks. I'm in my final semester and university and I live away, not so far that I can't visit, but I don't think it's right to start a relationship when I have all this other pressure.


*What I'm asking really is if what I'm feeling is normal?

What is sexual attraction like to other people? Is this just the first time I've ever had such unadulterated lust before?

Is this natural for a friendship changing into a romantic endevour? Should I feel guilty for not being sure about my feelings? I obviously love my friend, it's just less of an intense crush feeling. More of a best friend feeling, except now I feel like i'm going to orgasm every time I even think about him. It's weird

Should I feel guilty about not thinking him as the most beautiful person ever?(Slight exaggeration)
*
*What do older people feel about this? could this be the real deal? even though I never felt like this for months?*


I've never felt like this in my life. If I don't sort out my head soon I'll either go mad or seriously upset my friend.

Any ENFJ's around to help explain what is going on in his head? As an INFP I've pretty much not said any of this to anyone else, and I don't think anyone's realized whats going on either. Unless he's told everyone, which I doubt.

Thank you for reading!!


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

Sees "(sorta graphic)", cannot resist clicking on thread :tongue::kitteh:


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

I wasn't sure what constitutes graphic..then i toned it down in case, then I realized if I left it more people might read it!


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## Villainous (Dec 31, 2012)

TL;DR

Humans have been using sex for bonding long before monogamy came around. The reason why so many people believe that men and women can't be strictly friends is because men and women are meant to have sex with reach other whether it's one time, casual, intimate, serious love, or friendship connections.

Sex is sex. Love is love. People forget this. You can satisfy sexual needs with or without other feelings just because humans are sexual creatures.


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

Villainous said:


> TL;DR
> 
> Humans have been using sex for bonding long before monogamy came around. The reason why so many people believe that men and women can't be strictly friends is because men and women are meant to have sex with reach other whether it's one time, casual, intimate, serious love, or friendship connections.
> 
> Sex is sex. Love is love. People forget this. You can satisfy sexual needs with or without other feelings just because humans are sexual creatures.


I've highlighted the parts that I think are relevant it might make it a bit easier to read.

The problem is not about the satisfaction of sexual needs, it's whether or not I have feelings for this person because I was friends with them for so long before we did anything sexual. I'm also confused because it's totally out of the blue and character for myself


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

@_Shy_, my husband and I were friends first. I guess the way I see it is, if you like him enough that he's your best friend, and you are attracted to him sexually, what is it that makes you think he's not good for companionship?


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

Enfpleasantly said:


> _shy_, my husband and I were friends first. I guess the way I see it is, if you like him enough that he's your best friend, and you are attracted to him sexually, what is it that makes you think he's not good for companionship?


I've never been attracted to someone sexually without having that feeling of rose tinted glasses, emotional wow, that feeling of a crush, you think about them all the time..all that stuff, its just not there.

This is more..absolute lust from a physical level. It's totally out the blue too. It feels empty though, like my body is saying yes! and my head is not sure. I actually thought it might be what a guy feels like ha ha. 

Weirdest part is that I usually go into head over heels mode, then when that 'phase' goes away (after about..7/8 months) I get really grumpy and turned off by people. 

This might sound bad but part of me thinks my true feelings are confused because I'm worried about what other people might think in our friends group

It's SO hard to try and put in to words what I feel right now!


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## Enfpleasantly (Mar 5, 2012)

Shy said:


> I've never been attracted to someone sexually without having that feeling of rose tinted glasses, emotional wow, that feeling of a crush, you think about them all the time..all that stuff, its just not there.
> 
> This is more..absolute lust from a physical level. It's totally out the blue too. It feels empty though, like my body is saying yes! and my head is not sure. I actually thought it might be what a guy feels like ha ha.
> 
> ...


I bet it is that you are worrying about what your other friends will think. Try thinking about it this way...what is the ultimate goal/point in finding a boyfriend? To find companionship with someone, right? I'll assume you are looking for long term. Then at the end of the day, that companion will be the most important person in your life, so if you are happy with him, then who cares what your other friends have to say?


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Well, as you said you are currently too busy and distance would possibly make the relationship harder to maintain. Just be honest with him, and tell him that due to university you will not have a time to keep up a relationship, and hope that he understands. Tell him before he gets any ideas, or too attached to an idea.


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

My friends, I'm worried that they will all change their behaviours around me which I suppose they will!

I'm worrying most about how I feel! We haven't said anything about it to each other, we're both much too shy and I doubt he will tell any of his friends. There's no rush here I guess. I like to keep my options open too for the 'possibilities' that will never come and I just can't help it. It makes me feel like a bitch, although nothings been said or done so that makes me feel better about it.

I just don't feel that intense rush of emotion and although logically I know it makes sense to just have a go at it, I don't want to until I'm sure that lusting after someone is more of a permanent emotion? Is it even lust? I feel like I've bypassed a whole part of my normal way of falling for someone and just ended up with someone that I've never wanted to sleep with so much in my life all the time.

Should I just stop thinking about it? Lol

About the distance thing, i suppose I just added that part in but it really wouldn't make a difference!

(All this talking about it is making me want to give him a hug)


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## kudi (Sep 27, 2011)

Chillax, you are thinking to much. Step one, figure out what you want. Step two ask him what he wants. Step three tell him what you want. Step four negotiate to see if you both can get what you want or simply call it off. It sounds like you have great physical chemistry with him, physical chemistry doesn't always match up 100% with physical attractiveness its often tied to emotional and psychological desires as well. 

Its hard to predict how long the physical chemistry will remain since it is tied to other things, but usually this kind of chemistry lasts a while especially when sex is involved. Sex releases chemicals that dampen negative aspects of your partner, bond you and reward you with chemicals that make you want to do it again. Its a powerful cyclical process that helps relationships last a long time. Not having sex for a while may help clear the chemical fog so that you can think more clearly. 

Obstacles like distance are minor if being with him is more important, you'll figure out a way to make it work. An example is that people still buy and drive cars despite the fact that they could die in it or really hurt their finances from repairs/tickets, etc. Things like I don't know or what if I'm closing my other options are risks. All that risk becomes manageable because they have a desire that they feel is worth it.


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## frenchie (Jul 7, 2011)

kudi said:


> Chillax, you are thinking to much. Step one, figure out what you want. Step two ask him what he wants. Step three tell him what you want. Step four negotiate to see if you both can get what you want or simply call it off. It sounds like you have great physical chemistry with him, physical chemistry doesn't always match up 100% with physical attractiveness its often tied to emotional and psychological desires as well.
> 
> Its hard to predict how long the physical chemistry will remain since it is tied to other things, but usually this kind of chemistry lasts a while especially when sex is involved. Sex releases chemicals that dampen negative aspects of your partner, bond you and reward you with chemicals that make you want to do it again. Its a powerful cyclical process that helps relationships last a long time. Not having sex for a while may help clear the chemical fog so that you can think more clearly.
> 
> Obstacles like distance are minor if being with him is more important, you'll figure out a way to make it work. An example is that people still buy and drive cars despite the fact that they could die in it or really hurt their finances from repairs/tickets, etc. Things like I don't know or what if I'm closing my other options are risks. All that risk becomes manageable because they have a desire that they feel is worth it.



This ^ 

Seriously to the OP relax. Sex is sex. We all do it and it is pretty dang awesome.

But that type of chemistry you felt is rare. I've only had that with two women in my entire life. The first one was an INTJ ( asked her years later) and initially I hated her. I thought she was the biggest b!tch in the world and frankly thought she was ugly as sin. 

Years later, we became closer and closer friends and I found her slowly getting more and more attractive. One day she gave me the, "I really like you and I believe that trying something would be the most correct form of engagement." Spoken like a true INTJ. 

Wow that first kiss was epic. We were doing all sorts of bad stuff high school students do in cars. I miss her :/ 

But yeah, just relax. Keep in touch, but understand that it is possible to stay as friends post banging. You sound young, so enjoy the ecstasy of being with each other.

Even better, invite him over to your college for a weekend of romping. Seriously, that chemistry isn't going to get any better than that and I can guarantee that you won't find another man that makes you feel like that for a long long time.


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## carlaviii (Jul 25, 2012)

Shy said:


> *What I'm asking really is if what I'm feeling is normal?*


*

*Yes. Sometimes you get blindsided by this sort of thing. It happens. 
*
What is sexual attraction like to other people? Is this just the first time I've ever had such unadulterated lust before?

*Well, you were primed by your existing friendship. You know he's compatible with you. You know he's "safe," as it were. That's one less layer of nervousness that would be between you and a guy you didn't know so well.

What's attraction like for me? Curiosity, plus wanting to touch. A certain playfulness. That tingle in your gut from taking a risk. 

Not as intense as what you're describing, usually, though I've had my moments. 
* 
Is this natural for a friendship changing into a romantic endevour? 

*Confusion? Yes, quite normal.
*
Should I feel guilty for not being sure about my feelings? 

*No. Let me say that again: NO.
*
I obviously love my friend, it's just less of an intense crush feeling. More of a best friend feeling, except now I feel like i'm going to orgasm every time I even think about him. 

*I know _that_ feeling. It's yummy...
* 
Should I feel guilty about not thinking him as the most beautiful person ever?(Slight exaggeration)
*
No. Everyone's got their lumps and bumps -- and if they don't now, they will in the future. Trust me. :laughing: IMO, the packaging's always less important than the contents. 

*What do older people feel about this? could this be the real deal? even though I never felt like this for months?*

(flashes driver's license to prove "oldness" ) Stranger things have happened. The transition from friends to lovers is tricky, though (So is the transition back. Long, awkward story.) Keep talking. Don't jump to conclusions. Be ready to find the middle ground. And don't stop doing "friend" things, whatever that was for you two. 

And keep us posted?


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

Kudi, thanks; you've made me feel a lot more calm!!

Even better, invite him over to your college for a weekend of romping. Seriously, that chemistry isn't going to get any better than that and I can guarantee that you won't find another man that makes you feel like that for a long long time.

Oh no! I'd best not mess this up then ! Filthy idea, I like it >

(flashes driver's license to prove "oldness" ) - Sorry mate, not tonight 

Thanks! I'll let you guys know in a week or so if anything has changed. I feel a lot more relaxed now. I was SO worried about this. I feel less worried now


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## Phil (Dec 27, 2010)

...I'll be in my bunk.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Shy said:


> I've highlighted the parts that I think are relevant it might make it a bit easier to read.
> 
> The problem is not about the satisfaction of sexual needs, it's whether or not I have feelings for this person because I was friends with them for so long before we did anything sexual. I'm also confused because it's totally out of the blue and character for myself


I will point out that relationships are dynamic, not static. They are always changing. I claim, and no, I cannot prove this mathematically, but in terms of an on going relationship (compared to a one night stand), a woman begins to put down tent stakes on a man once she begins having sex with him. It seems to be different for a man. What I am saying, Shy, is that if you continue this, you are moving in the direction of permanence whether he is or not. Good luck. 
Digger Blue


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## MissyMaroon (Feb 24, 2010)

Omg @Shy I know what you're going through almost exactly! I don't have any advice to add other than just sharing my own person experience. I don't know what it is. Being comfortable with them and trusting them as your best friend, but making them "friendzoned" or untouchable in your mind. There's a bit of a fetish factor involved. It's something you're not supposed to be doing, but you're doing it xD It's great. That kind of chemistry is definitely not very common, not for me anyways. I didn't have romantic feelings for my friend and any sort of "crush" feelings as you say, but god WAS IT AWESOME. Unlike your friend, I did find my friend kind of cute, and had "feelings" for him in the past, but it's all kinds of complicated I won't get into. 

I think it's the level of trust you have for a best friend, the unexpected and 'forbidden' element. Unexpected sex seems to always be more exciting than expected sex. Well depends, of course, but the whole "WHAT ARE WE DOING" element turns me on soooo much for whatever reason XD I denied this person in my mind so many times, said it just couldn't happen, but the body wants what it wants I guess. Also chemistry and sexual compatibility help.

It's an interesting purely sexual and awesomeness feeling XD 

Hmm, I got out of a relationship some time ago (different one) and I'm not sure I can do something like that anymore, but I'll always remember it.


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## Cosmicsense (Dec 7, 2011)

One word sums it up perfectly.

Phermones.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Shy said:


> What is sexual attraction like to other people? Is this just the first time I've ever had such unadulterated lust before?


It kicks on for some of us. Me normally, my sex drive is say, 40%, maybe 50%. Once I get into relations with a woman, it turns on to 100%... all of a sudden every woman on earth is amazingly attractive. It rather sucks.

The same thing happens if I don't masturbate for a week. I don't actually like to masturbate, but I've pretty much decided I had better, otherwise I'm going to walk around in a horny daze.

As for sleeping with friends, I don't know about that, as I've never done it.


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## Penguin (Sep 25, 2012)

Ok I read this @Shy PLEASE, whatever you do, tell your friend how amazing it was, describe it in detail...seriously basically what you typed about this guy is what every single male on the planet wants to hear after a sexual performance. I've never gotten a review like the one you just gave, but now that I know its possible you better bet I'm going to try.

As for whether to be in a relationship or not, thats up to both of you, but you better decide sooner rather than later, if you're going to do the weekends only thing for a bit you will want all the time you can get this semester for bonding. 

My only other piece of advice is it sounds like if you would get out of your head and stop worrying about what other people think you would realize that this guy might be the rarest type of man you will ever find and I wouldn't want you to waste that because of what your friends might think. Just consider the opportunity...marrying your best friend who is a sex god? isnt that like...every girls wet dream? just sayin


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## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

Yeah. This happened to me too. I was fine with it. I see sex as a physical act, and I had no feelings more than 'just friends' with her. She told me she wanted to make it a thing during winter break. But, what ended up happening, was she got weirded out. We haven't spoken much in a couple of months. She's an ENFx (I lean towards J), and I'm an xNTJ (I lean towards E).


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## paperbrain (Jan 4, 2013)

Thank you for your post. You have an interesting situation. I’m not going to call it a problem because that insinuates what’s happening between you and your friend is negative and quite frankly, it could go either way. You’ve provided a lot of information but if you don’t mind, I’d like to some clarity on the facts. I'm just going to add here I think you may either be ignoring your instincts or you've started ignoring your insticts and I honestly don't know which one. So before I can help you answer some of your questions perhaps you could answer some for me. I’ll provide you with some information about ENFJ’s. 

ENFJ’s are big thinkers and very charismatic. They see the big picture and are futuristic thinking like you the INFP. They expect cooperation from others and are more than willing to cooperate themselves. They exist in about 5% of the population. They place people higher than anything else. They are warm and considerate lovers who will go to great lengths for the sake of their relationship. They have a special skill for warmth and affirmation which brings out the best in their mates. They do have issues with conflict, however and like to avoid dealing with it. 
Here’s a link: http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ_rel.html and here are my questions: 

How did you meet your friend? 

Exactly how long did your friendship go on before it became physical?

What about his physical appearance do you like?

What about his physical appearance don’t you like?

What’s the sexiest thing about him?

Why does his physical appearance bother or embarrass you?

If he isn’t all that sexually experienced does that bother you? 

What makes him different from the other men you’ve dated?

What’s different about him from the men you’ve had one night stands with?

Why do you feel guilty about having sex with someone who makes you feel this good?

How has _he_ changed since this physical relationship evolved or has he really changed at all?

What would bother you the most about becoming his girlfriend?

Has he given you any indication of where he wants this relationship to go?

Why haven’t you both sat down and discussed your feelings about this situation? 

Is it possible he’s in love with you and if so how do you feel about that?


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

paperbrain said:


> Thank you for your post. You have an interesting situation. I’m not going to call it a problem because that insinuates what’s happening between you and your friend is negative and quite frankly, it could go either way. You’ve provided a lot of information but if you don’t mind, I’d like to some clarity on the facts. I'm just going to add here I think you may either be ignoring your instincts or you've started ignoring your insticts and I honestly don't know which one. So before I can help you answer some of your questions perhaps you could answer some for me. I’ll provide you with some information about ENFJ’s.
> 
> ENFJ’s are big thinkers and very charismatic. They see the big picture and are futuristic thinking like you the INFP. They expect cooperation from others and are more than willing to cooperate themselves. They exist in about 5% of the population. They place people higher than anything else. They are warm and considerate lovers who will go to great lengths for the sake of their relationship. They have a special skill for warmth and affirmation which brings out the best in their mates. They do have issues with conflict, however and like to avoid dealing with it.
> Here’s a link: http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ_rel.html and here are my questions:
> ...


*
I REALLY am not comfortable having this thread sync'd up to this username. is there ANY way to make this anon. If anyone who even knows me slightly came on this forum they would read this and know it was me. I want to keep the thread open but this is seriously giving me anxiety attacks.
*
The situation has developed. I think I'm getting feelings too. I don't want to tell anyone. My best friend had to beat the information out me and I gave a very lite response, as opposed to the full fat version lol. I don't even know what he's thinking about it, but I know he likes me a lot. he said that last night and I couldn't say anything back. i just went red and hid under the blanket.


I'm excited and scared as hell...but it's some rush!


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Honestly, I think this is your instinct to have a baby, and choose a good mate/ father, etc...

Sometimes what we think we want when we make lists and stuff, "what would my family think, what would my friends thing, would i be rich, would i be envied" are a bit different from what our instincts really want.

Also, since this is a new thing for you, your instincts might have indicated a _possibility,_and then your fantasy might have magnified the shit out of it, due to horniness.


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

I hope to god this isn't just my natural instincts, it feels like more than that though. 

If it was my instincts, would they not have jumped in nearer the time when I met him?


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

ronar said:


> I hope to god this isn't just my natural instincts, it feels like more than that though.
> 
> If it was my instincts, would they not have jumped in nearer the time when I met him?


I dont know, you might have been distracted by _life_​


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

iamawolf said:


> I dont know, you might have been distracted by _life_​




I hope nobody reads this.



I think i'm seriously falling for him. :frustrating:




WOW, I've told an entire forum of people something I can't even admit to myself with my username I use most places. Fantastic.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

@ronar
you're both single (I think, I just skimmed lol), get along well and are both attracted to each other, so...why don't you date? don't be one of those women who refuses to date friends and ends up in a boring or dysfunctional relationship because of it. I can't count the number of times I've seen this happen


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## Trinidad (Apr 16, 2010)

ronar said:


> I hope nobody reads this.
> 
> I think i'm seriously falling for him. :frustrating:
> 
> WOW, I've told an entire forum of people something I can't even admit to myself with my username I use most places. Fantastic.


You could ask one of the moderators to close the thread. And stop bumping it! 

I'm very happy for you, you've got the kind of thing going that most girls dream of. All the best to you and your best friend/lover.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

ronar said:


> I hope nobody reads this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


lol....


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

Trinidad said:


> You could ask one of the moderators to close the thread. And stop bumping it!
> 
> I'm very happy for you, you've got the kind of thing going that most girls dream of. All the best to you and your best friend/lover.


I emailed one, and I was worried I'd get in trouble for spamming if I asked more than one lol  how do you see what ones would be online?
I'll ask for it to get hidden away now, if anyone wants to talk about this further PM me


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## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

Maybe you should date? 5 months isn't an awfully long time. And even though she may consider you a "friend" I don't think the "friendzone" is necessarily a permanent place in some cases. 

Now that I think about it, sex with my ENFJ best female friend is the best sex I've had because, well, she was the kinkiest. From her bed we somehow made it onto the floor and then props started getting involved.....I won't go into too much detail.

BUT now we don't talk. She's a little weirded out, and I think I was just drunk and looking to get some because I still see her as 'just a friend.' 11 years IS a LONG time to go from friends to more than friends. I love her, just not like that. I'd give away my lung for her, but probably wouldn't take a bullet from her. Ya get me?

I think over thinking and then running away may be typical for ENFJs. I say if you are REALLY interested in her, get her to hang out with you, let her KNOW that you no longer want to see each other as "just best friends," and move quickly. All this "no sex on the first date" is BS if you ask me. But sounds like you guys have been dating for 5 months now....

I know with my next girlfriend, I want to be comfortable to call her my best friend. Thing is, I think the "dating" thing needs to naturally come before the "best friends" thing.


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## ronar (Dec 21, 2012)

yannibos said:


> Maybe you should date? 5 months isn't an awfully long time. And even though she may consider you a "friend" I don't think the "friendzone" is necessarily a permanent place in some cases.
> 
> Now that I think about it, sex with my ENFJ best female friend is the best sex I've had because, well, she was the kinkiest. From her bed we somehow made it onto the floor and then props started getting involved.....I won't go into too much detail.
> 
> ...


I'm a female INFP!
He's a male ENFJ!

We've only started being physical in the past month. I'd shown no interest up until then outside of being friends.

I'm too scared to admit my feelings to anyone in person, let alone him. So, basically I'm too scared to do anything or say anything because I don't feel like i'm a worthwhile endevour for him!


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

ronar said:


> Anyway, I've been feeling like this for a while now apparently, and one day we were at his, and somehow, I don't know how we ended up kissing. Oh my god. *It was the most intensely sexual thing I've ever felt in my life.* It's like he was in my brain and knew where and when I wanted kissed, and it was so unexpected! To the women out there, ever had a guy lightly blink so his eyelashes are against your neck, and then slowly kiss the neck and ear...it's getting me hot thinking about it. We stopped before we took it too far, he stopped it anyway, for the best.
> 
> *What I'm asking really is if what I'm feeling is normal?
> 
> *


@ronar

I'm INFp and I have an ENFj male friend and we talk about dating/girls a lot, so here's my perspective. In general, he has a distinct advantage leading a social interaction, giving hugs (lots of female friends to practice on). Obviously NF men can be very talented at the sort of thing you're experiencing -- being so in tune with you.

There's a difference between romancing someone and seducing them, getting someone to fall in love or getting them to experience a lot of sexual tension. The thing is not a lot of men or women are any good at seducing people. It's rarely you'll meet someone like that in person, most of the people I'd think of are from movies.

Seducing someone has a lot to do with timing, touching and connection - some ENFjs are pretty good at that.
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What is sexual attraction like to other people? Is this just the first time I've ever had such unadulterated lust before?

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*I've had some low attraction situations in the past that were still emotionally charged, when I didn't know how to touch a woman to get her to want me, or I wasn't physically that much into the person.

But I can happily report that most of my recent experiences have been super intense, probably more intense than yours. (I am sx/sp)

Also, being so close to someone you can't have for some rational reason is 100 times more intense.

Example: ENFP girl in my class whom I smiled at. End of semester -- I'm at the door, leaving the study group, she wants to get my attention and keep me there so she tells me 'you're sooooo cute', while playing with her ponytail and jumping on her seat. So I turn back to face her, tell her to come with us to the art gallery at school (even though she was late for her waitress job -- Hot french waitress for the win.) So anyway, while I'm giving her little doses of eye contact and touching her shoulder and then arm, she asked for my contact info. We're coordinating with our phones, and right in front of some other guy, I gently press my wineglass into her forearm and slide two fingers onto her skin. She kept cool and didn't move as I pressed in a bit more, so I just kept it lingering there for a couple of seconds. Obviously the intrigue was helped by the fact that this was right in front of her male friend, and while I was casually talking about something else.

After the exam she invites me and some other people for drinks, so I invited the prof. The entire time we're drinking whiskey and beer and talking to other people, and our legs are wrapped around each other under the table, just kind of sliding on and off for an hour while talking about philosophy and life. Long story short, I think she managed to touch every part of my body, except my chest. At one point her hand was on my dick AFTER she told me she has a boyfriend of 2 years. She ran off confused.

Next time I saw her, I teased her a bit about leading me on, but then I'm like whatever, "we can be friends, help me chat up girls". She said okay, and kissed me on the cheek. I swear though, every time she sees me she gets extremely nervous and excited and looks like she's about to wet herself...*




Is this natural for a friendship changing into a romantic endevour? Should I feel guilty for not being sure about my feelings? I obviously love my friend, it's just less of an intense crush feeling. More of a best friend feeling, except now I feel like i'm going to orgasm every time I even think about him. It's weird

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*Crush = romantic longing. Congratulations, crazy lust is an amazing feeling. You'll experience more and more of it as you get closer to age 25 and your sex drive kicks up.
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Should I feel guilty about not thinking him as the most beautiful person ever?(Slight exaggeration)

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*No, that's understandable. You can be more attracted to someone you're not supposed to go for (too young/too old/your supervisor/your best friend/employee etc). Basically, if your friends wouldn't approve that makes it bad in a way that can end up being translated to hot in your brain. This is going to make me sound equally horrible, but knowing I can have a hot young pretty thin girlfriend, and then having sexual thoughts about some less attractive woman who I'm super attracted to but my friends (and my kind of sister wouldn't approve of) makes me feel a strange temptation to do exactly that. I'm 25, so I think this sort of thing happens in your 20s when people equate attractiveness of your partner with social status.

Don't go telling him any of this.



> *What do older people feel about this? could this be the real deal? even though I never felt like this for months?*


The real deal for what? It's the real deal for you getting seduced, and the added bonus of going for someone who your mom/friends wouldn't approve of. I mean you wouldn't marry this person, it doesn't sound like it?

You could always just tell him that you should keep it secret, then sneak around for a while till you get bored, or get busy with school. Then you can be friends again, cause ENFJs are cool like that. Or just do whatever you want, hopefully my explanation is helpful to you.


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