# Too mature for High School?



## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

What's happening ya'll!

You know, I was reflecting a little bit... now that my H.S. years are over (well, last class in a few hours... graduation is right around the corner), I seem to understand something...

Many adults (I'm 17) have told me I am extremely mature. Perhaps too mature for my age, because I already have my life goals figured out, pretty much. And I enjoy talking to older people. Perhaps MUCH more than I like to talk to with people my age.

So this makes me think about something... could this "over-matureness" be the reason why I have trouble make friends throughout H.S.? Don't get me wrong, I have a few friends, but I don't feel close to any of them at all. I'd just say most of them are acquaintances.

I'm not a nerd, but I do not like to party. I find the notion of "hooking-up" to be absurd.

So tell me... Is perhaps "over-matureness" the problem why I had trouble making good friends through H.S.? It makes sense to me, but perhaps I'm just using this to justify myself, my lack of friends. I wouldn't be saying this - that I'm mature - if several older people hadn't told me.

Alright. If "over-matureness" IS the problem, or ISN'T... tell me, how do I brake the "acquaintance" barrier, and reach a "friend" state? I'm not an unlikable person... but I think you understand what I mean. Perhaps I am the problem for not making good friends.

(By good friends I mean people I trust and would talk about things that came to my mind... not just a few. Seriously... is really all men my age talk about is girls and things to do with them?)

Thanks!


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## DarkyNWO (Mar 21, 2011)

Everyone matures differently. It's not uncommon that here is people that are so much more mature than others, or the other way around, so much more inmature, but that is probably just as hard I suspect, if not harder. But too your questions, no, not all boys around that age talk about girls nonstop. Sure, I suspect that the majority does, atleast that was what I was doing around that age, but certainly not all the time.

You have to keep in mind that people are vastly different depending on whom they are with, and such the topics of discussion change. I suppose you have a few different things that you can do. Either you take the reins and steer the conversation towards what you'd like to talk about in the group. Or you go along with it, and you chat online about whatever topics facinates you. 

I mean, there is a place for everything. If I go to a bar, I would not want to talk about politics, even if I am super intrested in it, and I would not expect someone at a bar to have the amount of .."intelligence" to give me a deep and meaningfull conversation. And even if they did, I doubt they wanna spend time talking about that when they could be flirting with girls or dancing or whatever. However, if I wanted to talk about more 'serious' topics, I would go to a place where I would find such people.

So hey, don't worry too much about it kid, I'm sure you'll figure out what to do.


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## ShadowComet (Aug 14, 2011)

Not possible, High School is preparing you for the real world, or at least that was what my Grade 9 orientation said to me, and quite directly I might add. All that means is the basics of that objective were effectively communicated to you and you picked them up like you're supposed to. No harm in that, so simply, look for a group of old guys sitting in a coffee shop, ask to sit with them, go regularily and have good old conversations with them. I did, and I learned alot, mind you, I was lucky, as the table of old people I got to sit at had a supervisor from a major bank, a recently retired officer, a long time real estate person, a city council member, a Board of Education member, and a supervisor of the local heavy industry, as well as some people from doing contracting work, you know, building homes and such. You may not get so lucky, but you know...no harm in trying. All kinds of things you can learn from such people, and sometimes, even they can learn from you.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

If you don't like to party and are extremely goal oriented, I would say you're "over-mature" for an adult, and by "over-mature" I mean "uptight."

I disagree that being SRS all the time is the pinnacle of maturity, but yes, because of being a very serious person, that's going to shrink your social life, even as an adult. 

Not being interested in girls doesn't seem especially mature either. You may be very mature in terms of responsibility, but still quite immature socially or sexually. Good luck!


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

fourtines said:


> If you don't like to party and are extremely goal oriented, I would say you're "over-mature" for an adult, and by "over-mature" I mean "uptight."
> 
> I disagree that being SRS all the time is the pinnacle of maturity, but yes, because of being a very serious person, that's going to shrink your social life, even as an adult.
> 
> Not being interested in girls doesn't seem especially mature either. You may be very mature in terms of responsibility, but still quite immature socially or sexually. Good luck!


I'm not serious all the time, and I'm not not (yes, double negs) interested in girls. I just dislike talking about sex (I'm Roman Catholic, there are serious moral implications talking about hooking up) and JUST talking about girls. And I don't think loud music strikes me as really fun. Come on, I'm a teen... I'm not serious all the time, but I seem to be having trouble making good friends.

Again, I say "mature" because that what I was told I was. I'm not making this up.


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## Lost in Oblivion (May 27, 2011)

Friendship isn't based on maturity. Friendships' initial foundations are based on common ground between people. People who party together will connect to each other through partying. People who enjoy intellectual discussions will connect to other people who enjoy intellectual discussions as well. The most prominent example is between young children, who do activities together and become friends. What do you have in common with others that makes them want to connect with you?

I have had potential friendships wither away because there was simply lack of common ground between us. That's okay, though, because I have other friends I connect with on different levels. I know people who have great personalities, it's just I don't have the same interests as them, so I don't connect with them.

Simply put, find what your interests are, and mingle with people to see if there is any platonic chemistry. You might have to go out on a limb here and participate in activities which you might not find initially interesting.

A good friendship comes with time, too. You must put effort in a friendship if you wish to have friendship returned. Don't expect people to come up and want to be your best friend; be a good friend, and you will attract good friends (or otherwise 'potentials'). You can still have fulfilling relationships in high school; my best friend was my high school classmate, and several of my other good friendships are classmates from 7th grade. Continue working at it and it will improve with time.

Lastly, it seems like you're continually fulfilling the image of "very mature, for your age," which as @fourtines said, may make you seem a bit uptight. I think there is something about you that likes that image - many people think I'm older than I am, and part of me likes that, but that's all it is: an image. I think you need to stop focusing on what separates yourself from people and start focusing more on what connects you.


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## chasingdreams (Jul 16, 2011)

Maturity doesn't necessarily mean that you have your goals established. Of course, every individual defines it differently. Personally, I see maturity as something unattainable. Maturity is when you are "perfected" or your development is finished. In other words, as humans we are always developing and maturing, seeing the world differently, and changing our values. So no, I believe no one has _really _ matured. I can befriend a six year old child and I can learn much from him/her. "Maturity" shouldn't be an obstacle to befriending others.

Anyhow, the reason behind why you've never met kids in your H.S that you relate to is probably because you *just * didn't. You just didn't look in the right places, or you didn't try hard enough. Either that, or there weren't any people that were of interest to you. So, please don't blame yourself! Now that you're older, you now have the chance of meeting people from different walks of life that you can relate to better.  

Hope this all made sense!


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## ENTJam (Nov 15, 2010)

chasingdreams said:


> Hope this all made sense!


It did, thank you so much!


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