# The musings of an INTJ



## Daniel Jackson (Jan 3, 2016)

Do you ever get the feeling that some people don't want to be helped? Like they just want to sit around and whine about their problems all day long and never actually do anything to progress through and past them? 

I recently read an article about the ever elusive iN function that I relate to on so many levels. But as I began to process the information over the next day or so, I began to form several connections with iN and my own personal life that I hadn't considered before. 

When I was younger I often found myself challenging peoples beleifs, values and morals privately to form some sort of superior code or system that I could continually refrence and improve. (Only now do I realize that I was doing this)


As I grew a bit older and became a bit more vocal (in a somewhat inocent and playful way) I started trying to express my thoughts. I still struggle with this on some levels but back then it was much more of a daily chore to pull my thoughts out of my head. My point is this: the more I spoke to people and poked around their brains, the more I started to ask myself if people really want solutions to their problems. I mean hey! Why do it myself if this guy over here can do it for me! :dry:

For many years my thought pattarn would stop there.

I would throw my hands up in the air and walk away when I felt that someone was doing this. But upon further reflective thought it occurred to me that when one is cooked for and never has to fish for themselves, how could they possibly be expected to fix a fishing pole! :wink:

Many times friends have asked me to help them with different things. So I would kindly oblidge and "fix" things for them only to watch all I had done be completely undone and in some cases even worsened. My mother always told me to "let others benefit from my brain" when I would speak with her about it. But it frustrated me on so many levels and I still think about it from time to time. 


Wow that felt good to type out. Maybe someone can relate to this


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## Fallen_Jedi (Sep 13, 2011)

The iN function? Are you referring to Ni or?



> When I was younger I often found myself challenging peoples beleifs, values and morals privately to form some sort of superior code or system that I could continually reference and improve. (Only now do I realize that I was doing this)


^^Fi at work. 



> Do you ever get the feeling that some people don't want to be helped? Like they just want to sit around and whine about their problems all day long and never actually do anything to progress through and past them?


Sure there are people like that but there are people who behave this way but do want to improve their situation/get past their problems. 
There are also people don't like to be helped at all even if they're struggling with something. In this case it's best to respect their decision and best not to interfere. 
Other people just like to vent and then they go back to the same behavior as before. They can have different reasons for this.
However there are people who appreciate the help of a friend or loved one but still need to go through the process you've described. *cough feelers cough* (generalizing but still it's more prominent thing among feelers than among thinkers)
These people need to process their emotions first so they can proceed to take action. Hear them out first, acknowledge their feelings, offer solutions later. Try to be patient. 
The most difficult part is figuring out which ones want/appreciate being helped and which ones might even take your help but despise you for it. (yup there are those kind of people out there too)


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Yeah, I have a hard time helping others fix things when they don't seem to really want to learn.


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## mjn_the_enfp (Jan 24, 2016)

I've always had a hard time trying to understand why some people who whine about their problems all the time don't really try to solve it, or take help in doing so. Is it because they are unwilling to face the problem? or (this might sound rude) are they just doing it so that they can get that sympathy from others, and don't want to loose the inflow of sympathy?


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

Daniel Jackson said:


> Do you ever get the feeling that some people don't want to be helped? Like they just want to sit around and whine about their problems all day long and never actually do anything to progress through and past them?


Learned helplessness and victim mentality might play a part. These things are pretty complex. Context is everything.



> I recently read an article about the ever elusive iN function that I relate to on so many levels. But as I began to process the information over the next day or so, I began to form several connections with iN and my own personal life that I hadn't considered before.


if by iN you mean Ni, okay. I also related to it when I first read it but it turns out I'm actually an ESFP. Bummer. 



> When I was younger I often found myself challenging peoples beleifs, values and morals privately to form some sort of superior code or system that I could continually refrence and improve. (Only now do I realize that I was doing this)


If we want to "frame" this within the typology reality-tunnel then it sounds like Fi (or perhaps Enneagram 1, 2, and 6).

I, however, think these things are a lot more complicated. I can relate.



> As I grew a bit older and became a bit more vocal (in a somewhat inocent and playful way) I started trying to express my thoughts. I still struggle with this on some levels but back then it was much more of a daily chore to pull my thoughts out of my head. My point is this: the more I spoke to people and poked around their brains, the more I started to ask myself if people really want solutions to their problems. I mean hey! Why do it myself if this guy over here can do it for me! :dry:


Some people want solutions, some people don't. It's like a spectrum.

Some people might be looking for a false-guru, some may genuinely be looking for another perspective. 

And some might just be looking for a fight. There are other variations I'm sure.



> For many years my thought pattarn would stop there.
> 
> I would throw my hands up in the air and walk away when I felt that someone was doing this. But upon further reflective thought it occurred to me that when one is cooked for and never has to fish for themselves, how could they possibly be expected to fix a fishing pole! :wink:


Or maybe you just have a messiah complex?

Jokes. 

Question; why do you think that YOU have the solutions to peoples problems? Preachers piss people off quickly, and for good reasons.



> Many times friends have asked me to help them with different things. So I would kindly oblidge and "fix" things for them only to watch all I had done be completely undone and in some cases even worsened. My mother always told me to "let others benefit from my brain" when I would speak with her about it. But it frustrated me on so many levels and I still think about it from time to time.
> 
> 
> Wow that felt good to type out. Maybe someone can relate to this


I think you just need to get over yourself. I mean that in the nicest way possible.


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## lil intro vert (Jan 14, 2016)

Daniel Jackson said:


> Do you ever get the feeling that some people don't want to be helped? Like they just want to sit around and whine about their problems all day long and never actually do anything to progress through and past them?


Yes. Pet peeve. Hate it, wholeheartedly. 



> I recently read an article about the ever elusive iN function that I relate to on so many levels. But as I began to process the information over the next day or so, I began to form several connections with iN and my own personal life that I hadn't considered before.


You mean Ni? (I'm sure someone corrected this already). 



> As I grew a bit older and became a bit more vocal (in a somewhat inocent and playful way) I started trying to express my thoughts. I still struggle with this on some levels but back then it was much more of a daily chore to pull my thoughts out of my head. My point is this: the more I spoke to people and poked around their brains, the more I started to ask myself if people really want solutions to their problems. I mean hey! Why do it myself if this guy over here can do it for me! :dry:


I stay away from these people and just watch from afar and wait to send, "I told you."



> never has to fish for themselves, how could they possibly be expected to fix a fishing pole! :wink:


You tried.



> My mother always told me to "let others benefit from my brain" when I would speak with her about it. But it frustrated me on so many levels and I still think about it from time to time.


Maybe she meant, go into a career where that career would give you authority to "make" people do things you suggest. Like being a lawyer, a psychologist, or something else we're typed to most likely succeed in. If she did not, then this would boil my blood. 

Me: WHY CANT THEY GET THEIR OWN Te DAMMIT?!




> Wow that felt good to type out. Maybe someone can relate to this


I definitely understand where you're coming from and I truly hate it. I think people only do not do what I tell them because it's "too difficult" or "they don't have time", I'm not sure if they just disregard what I tell them because they are lazy and incompetent or that since I have not gone and got a degree in said predicament that has a career field. I hate it though, I have not yet mastered to get through to this. People automatically think they can't do something, just thinking about hearing "I cant!" pisses me off.


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## Alpha_Orionis (Jan 18, 2015)

It is because they want attention. They want to feel loved. If their problem is solved, then the attention goes away.


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## Daniel Jackson (Jan 3, 2016)

The Perfect Storm said:


> Or maybe you just have a messiah complex?
> 
> Jokes.
> 
> ...



You have given me so much food for thought. I just wanted to thank you for speaking your mind. I honestly don't think that there is an ESFP in my life  

As far as my response to your questions, I have been asking myself whether or not I have a messiah complex and after rereading my post I can see how I would have come off that way.  I don't mean to be condescending towards anyone! :laughing:

My best answer would have to be that for me it was always just easier for me to do things myself and as people around me saw me doing things such as fixing computers and other things of that nature they began to ask me to do things for them (often for free lol) and so it got to a point where I was just offering to do things and beating them to the punch so to speak. I have no regrets for doing this in most cases as it was good experience and I gained a bit of a reputation. 

But as I got older, I began to grow my mind in other facets such as history and psychology in college. I gained more cerebral friends who required support in other areas of life. (Side point: I think I have had it pretty good. I am rich in all the ways that matter. family friends and a dog :laughing:. I have never really had to ask for help from anyone outside of my immediate family. So it was always in outflow of energy.) Life problems are much harder to fix when compared to a simple RAM swap lol

I found these things to be much more frustrating because often times all I could do was offer advice. That was it. I was ok with it too. But as time went on, I began to see patterns and it silently frustrated me. These feedback loops in peoples lives that recreate themselves over and over.


As you said previously in your post, "_Some people want solutions, some people don't. It's like a spectrum._" and I agree. 


As far as getting over myself... :frustrating:

I won't hide behind a facade lol I do think I need to work on my humility. I can remember a kid when I was a teenager that I reeeaaaaally didn't like for that exact reason. Always so haughty and puffed up with pride. So when you said that I naturally rewound to that memory.


P.S. I love this deep stuff :wink:


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## mjn_the_enfp (Jan 24, 2016)

Daniel Jackson said:


> P.S. I love this deep stuff :wink:


Well, your not the only one


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## Daniel Jackson (Jan 3, 2016)

I saw your first post btw Thank you for your input


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

Daniel Jackson said:


> You have given me so much food for thought. I just wanted to thank you for speaking your mind. I honestly don't think that there is an ESFP in my life


Clearly you need to find one. 



> As far as my response to your questions, I have been asking myself whether or not I have a messiah complex and after rereading my post I can see how I would have come off that way.  I don't mean to be condescending towards anyone! :laughing:


It's cool, dude. It's the internet. Without body language and context we can interpret stuff any which-way we like.



> I found these things to be much more frustrating because often times all I could do was offer advice. That was it. I was ok with it too. But as time went on, I began to see patterns and it silently frustrated me. These feedback loops in peoples lives that recreate themselves over and over.
> 
> 
> As you said previously in your post, "_Some people want solutions, some people don't. It's like a spectrum." and I agree. _


You'll see these patterns and feedback loops wherever you go. There are a number of different reasons why this is so (I have my own personal opinion, as I'm sure you do). Truth is, we are all on our own journey and we often don't see eye-to-eye because there are many different paths out there (and to argue that there is only "one way" is just a waste of time if you ask me).

Take my fiancée and I. We are VERY different in how we problem solve and process information (fwiw, he's an INTJ), but this doesn't stop us loving and appreciating the other persons perspective. We give each other advice, sometimes it works for us individually, sometimes it doesn't. The bottom line (and important) part is that we respect each other. We are going to get married in the next 3-4 months and we have already decided that on our wedding rings we want the inscription; _"Different paths leading to the same destination."

_But, I do get you. It can be frustrating watching people making what you perceive to be "obvious" mistakes. Honestly, I just reached a point in my life where I had to ask myself why I was so bothered about the other the person, when really, what I should actually be focussing on is myself. But that's just my experience. 



> As far as getting over myself... :frustrating:
> 
> I won't hide behind a facade lol I do think I need to work on my humility. I can remember a kid when I was a teenager that I reeeaaaaally didn't like for that exact reason. Always so haughty and puffed up with pride. So when you said that I naturally rewound to that memory.
> 
> ...


Good for you. I think we all need to work on our humility, lol.

Well, I'm glad I gave you some food for thought.


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