# Why do I come across as much older than I really am?



## LexiFlame (Aug 9, 2012)

Well I kind of need some advice here, at least I think I do, and I'm open to any suggestions... So I'm 15, and when I go out, I'm pretty laid back, I don't jump around or act all dumb, I don't gossip with friends and things like that. And I usually dress in graphic t-shirts, hoodies, skinny jeans, and either flip-flops or skater shoes. I wear glasses, I usually have my hair in a ponytail, but sometimes I tie it up. I don't wear much make-up, just eyeliner and lip gloss, and I'm 5'2 and pretty chubby.

I think I look like pretty standard teenager, now why do older guys (anywhere in their 20's) keep asking me out?! I'm not talking about just one instance, I get hit on in the grocery store, in the mall, at the park, on the street, at least twice in each place in the last year. By people I've never met before in my entire life. And before you say it's pedos, no, they always ask me what college I'm in, they genuinely mistake me for a college girl. I'm not making this thread to brag or anything, I actually want this to stop! It's kind of annoying and awkward at my age, being asked out by guys that are 5+ years older than me. I'm not even the prettiest girl there, I look around and see people that are much prettier than me, and much skinnier than me (not kidding when I say I'm chubby, chubby is actually a nice way of putting it) so I doubt it's because I'm breathtakingly beautiful ... so why me? Is there something I'm doing wrong here at looking like a normal kid?

I'm pretty polite in public, for example, when I'm at a restaurant I thank the server every time while looking directly at him/her and smiling, I do that to everyone. I like letting people, even grumpy ones, know I appreciate them, and thanking them in a way that seems sincere. Am I coming across as too friendly? Or do I act too serious? I see teens playing around on bikes and skateboards or play wrestling in public, and I really never do that. Any input is appreciated, I really don't want this to happen anymore. It was fun at first, but now it's seriously getting scary.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Emotional maturity or a refined demeanour maybe? (jealous face, I wish people would over age me more often Xd)


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

15 doesn't look all that different from 18. Also, the dress you're describing is 'college informal'. The kind of stuff you wear when you have a morning class. That's probably the easiest thing to fix.


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## caramel_choctop (Sep 20, 2010)

It may just be the structure of your face. My younger sister is fifteen and she's regularly mistaken for a 17- or 18-year-old even without makeup. I'm 20 and strangers generally think we're twins -.-
Perhaps try not wearing makeup?

ETA: Oh, and @Lexibear, *don't * wear really daggy/ill-fitting clothes to make youself look less appealing.


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## LexiFlame (Aug 9, 2012)

bellisaurius said:


> 15 doesn't look all that different from 18. Also, the dress you're describing is 'college informal'. The kind of stuff you wear when you have a morning class. That's probably the easiest thing to fix.


So what kinda stuff should I wear? Don't say pink and frilly, I'll die >.<


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Why not try disposable clothing or recycled thrift store items and see how that works, lol


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Lexibear said:


> So what kinda stuff should I wear? Don't say pink and frilly, I'll die >.<


Death before dishonor? 

I'm not sure myself. Dressing up doesn't sound right. As you pointed out, pink and fluffy; or something with 'bebe' written on the butt isn't happening. 

Oh, and being the prettiest girl isn't the quickest way to get hit on, it's being the girl that looks the most available, who's above a certain threshold of pretty. Are you always looking around taking in the environment? That might translate in some minds to "oh, she looked at me. I can approach'


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

you sound emotionally mature and intelligent. the combination of that, with the clothes you wear, does seem "older" than you are. i wouldn't want you to change such good things about yourself.  

there is a "toggle" switch that sometimes is effective to turn off that sort of attention from guys ~ aloofness, extreme seriousness, behavior resembling intense shyness. that is - you have to make yourself seem unapproachable and uninterested, because that makes it harder for them to ask you out. the more uninhibited a girl is in interacting with guys, the easier it is for them to approach her. my guess is that you aren't shy at all? often we girls are just being friendly or kind, and unfortunately it gets interpreted as flirting, so (as i'm sure you already know) if you choose to be friendly with guys, there may be an inherent risk that they will read it as more than that.

in order to seem less approachable, you'd probably have to: not make eye contact with them unless you are interacting with them, not smile more than is necessary to be polite, not talk to them unless you _have_ to, and keep the conversation serious or business-oriented if you do have to talk to them. ...the negative potential here is that you can come across as a snob even though you aren't, although some people will probably assume you are just shy. if you act that way towards older guys and more like yourself towards the guys your age, it would probably happen less often. though i am conflicted about giving you that advice because i would have trouble following it myself...i know there are many times that i find it impossible not to be friendly because i like people and don't want to be mean to them or make them feel disliked or left out. although if you are sure the guy is interested, there is a need to send a _clear_ message if you don't reciprocate, so you don't lead him on ~ and we can unwittingly send the wrong messages sometimes. 

also, spend time in public with people your age. when people see you hanging around with others of a certain age, if you don't *look* significantly older (in body or dress), they are likely to view you as also within that age group.


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## LexiFlame (Aug 9, 2012)

StElmosDream said:


> Why not try disposable clothing or recycled thrift store items and see how that works, lol


To be completely honest, I actually do shop at a thrift store a lot. Why would I go to Old Navy or Aeropostale when I can get the same jeans and t-shirts from a thrift store? I don't have a lot of money and I'm not scared to wear something that's been used before as long as I watch it. And I only get stuff that literally looks like new, my friends are always wondering how I'm always broke, but have so many brand name stuff.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Lexibear said:


> To be completely honest, I actually do shop at a thrift store a lot. Why would I go to Old Navy or Aeropostale when I can get the same jeans and t-shirts from a thrift store? I don't have a lot of money and I'm not scared to wear something that's been used before as long as I watch it. And I only get stuff that literally looks like new, my friends are always wondering how I'm always broke, but have so many brand name stuff.


I would visit thrift stores but the UK only has charity shops that are similar but have more of an elderly persons feel to them and I dislike buying clothes as well (just so low quality unless seeking better brands or second user).


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## LexiFlame (Aug 9, 2012)

bellisaurius said:


> *Death before dishonor?*
> 
> I'm not sure myself. Dressing up doesn't sound right. As you pointed out, pink and fluffy; or something with 'bebe' written on the butt isn't happening.
> 
> Oh, and being the prettiest girl isn't the quickest way to get hit on, it's being the girl that looks the most available, who's above a certain threshold of pretty. Are you always looking around taking in the environment? That might translate in some minds to "oh, she looked at me. I can approach'


"Death before dishonor", yes, exactly right. Fluffy, frilly, pink, and any word ending in -licious that is not referring to food makes me cringe! I'd rather get hit on by senior citizens than wear anything like that! Yeah, I know what you mean about being pretty. I suppose I'm the same way when it comes to guys, well except I've been known to hit on some pretty... different... looking guys if they're really really outgoing and friendly XD

And I get what you and @*emerald sea* mean, I come across as very approachable in public. I make eye contact with any random person and smile a lot, I just like being likeable, but perhaps a little too likeable. I'll try to tone it down a bit and find some sort of balance between being friendly and reserved.


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## castigat (Aug 26, 2012)

It's simply because of the fact that you don't jump around or act dumb; you don't act like an impolite twat - you don't fit the expectations/stereotype your peers put on you.
Honestly, I act like a dumbass most of the time in public (strictly with friends), then turn stoic when it's time to be serious.
I look about three years younger than I am, though.


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