# You know you're an SX-Dom when...



## 7rr7s

1. When you are in a loud club or party surrounded by a bunch of people, but time slows down because you are lost in your lovers gaze. 

2. When you feel restless when things start to plateu, be it in a relationship, or work, or everyday life.

3. Other people's definition of extreme, is your autopilot mode.

4. You don't have to tell people you are intense, because you've allready told them with your eyes.

5. Two words: hate sex.

6. Someone tells you about how they climbed Everest, or traveled to a foreign country, or met their soulmate, and you are thinking to yourself "You lucky motherfucker!" You then start planning something big and extreme.

7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"


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## kaleidoscope

When you want more than most people can give you.


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## SilentScream

- when separating from your partner even to sleep at night feels like her body is being ripped from yours .. and you weren't even touching.


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## Swordsman of Mana

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 1. When you are in a loud club or party surrounded by a bunch of people, but time slows down because you are lost in your lovers gaze.
> 
> 2. When you feel restless when things start to plateu, be it in a relationship, or work, or everyday life.
> 
> 3. Other people's definition of extreme, is your autopilot mode.
> 
> 4. You don't have to tell people you are intense, because you've allready told them with your eyes.
> 
> 5. Two words: hate sex.
> 
> 6. Someone tells you about how they climbed Everest, or traveled to a foreign country, or met their soulmate, and you are thinking to yourself "You lucky motherfucker!" You then start planning something big and extreme.
> 
> 7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"


I'm more convinced than ever now. you are a 7w8


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## Animal

When the phrase "too intense" has no meaning to you.


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## Inguz

When going to a concert in another town where you don't know anyone and with no means of getting home until the morning after sounds like fun.


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## aconite

When love and addiction seem to be synonymes.

When there's no such thing as "too much, too soon".

When it's very hard to be mildly interested in something or someone.

When you prefer a love-hate relationship to polite indifference.


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## 7rr7s

When getting over a breakup is like coming off of a hard binge.

When a hard binge is your preffered method for getting over a breakup.


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## frenchie

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 1 5. Two words: hate sex.


 Uhh no? I think that principlly makes me an Sx dom. I LOVE it!


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## kaleidoscope

When life is incredibly dull/boring when you don't have anything to get engrossed in, when there's nothing consuming your entire thoughts - be it an object, a person, an idea. 

When you fall in love with the feeling of falling in love.

When you _know _you have to moderate yourself, but you end up falling into extremes again.. and again.. and it feels fucking *good*.


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## 7rr7s

frenchie said:


> Uhh no? I think that principlly makes me an Sx dom. I LOVE it!


Haha I think you read it wrong, friend. Hate sex as in you hate the person so much, you have angry hate sex with them, and it's realyl intense because you both can't stand each other! I would totally have a hate orgy with Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.


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## Promethea

@KindOfBlue06
You're definitely sx first. lol


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## Animal

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 5. Two words: hate sex.


When you knew exactly what was meant by this upon reading it, and it brought back memories that induced shivers. :,)


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## frenchie

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Haha I think you read it wrong, friend. Hate sex as in you hate the person so much, you have angry hate sex with them, and it's realyl intense because you both can't stand each other! I would totally have a hate orgy with Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.


Lmfao, I'm ashamed to admit that i was slow on the uptake. 

Shame on me!


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## The Scorched Earth

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"


 Ha ha. Wow, I've totally felt that.


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## Animal

Ice Ghost said:


> Ha ha. Wow, I've totally felt that.


I'm not sure if I've ever felt that. By the time I'm bidding someone farewell who I'm interested in, there's no "tasting" involved. I've already consumed their mind, ravaged their heart, and absorbed their soul. However, my appetite remains insatiable. Gimme more and more and more, and give it to me all night. I will not sleep until I reek of their dreams.... muahahhahahhaa.


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## kateykinz

I've never felt so at home as in this thread roud:


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## suicidal_orange

Does anyone consider themself Sx dom for relating to the negative side of it, that life in general is so dull (even when engaging life physically and socially) that there must be MORE but you so rarely find it that when you do it's all consuming for a period that can be as long as months but feels like the blink of an eye before the intensity is gone and you're back to living on autopilot in an apathetic void?


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## kaleidoscope

asmit127 said:


> Does anyone consider themself Sx dom for relating to the negative side of it, that life in general is so dull (even when engaging life physically and socially) that there must be MORE but you so rarely find it that when you do it's all consuming for a period that can be as long as months but feels like the blink of an eye before the intensity is gone and you're back to living on autopilot in an apathetic void?


We do have a reputation for hardly ever being satisfied ^^ We just want more & more.. and then some more.


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## staticmud

When you discover something, whether it's an activity, music, person, or anything else, that you *love* and so you do it, listen to it, or talk to them as much as you can until the initial intensity wears off and you move on to the next thing.


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## Animal

staticmud said:


> When you discover something, whether it's an activity, music, person, or anything else, that you *love* and so you do it, listen to it, or talk to them as much as you can until the initial intensity wears off and you move on to the next thing.


Well... I'm ALMOST with you here. You're a 7w8SX, I'm a 5w4SX. Perhaps a 7 moves on to the next thing. I've been listening to the same song on repeat at least a few times a day - sometimes for hours - for almost two years now. Prior to that I had a 3ish year period where I listened to nothing but Jeff Beck every day. Not once during that time did I put on something else of my own volition. And I am a musician.. at the time I was fronting my own band... so this is not just some small part of my life. I'm just THAT obsessive.


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## madhatter

You know you're SP/SO when you can relate to nothing in this thread.


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## The Scorched Earth

When you are almost always thinking "There must be more to life than this."


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## sodden

staticmud said:


> When you discover something, whether it's an activity, music, person, or anything else, that you *love* and so you do it, listen to it, or talk to them as much as you can until the initial intensity wears off and you move on to the next thing.


I wonder if sp/sxs have a harder time moving on to the next thing, even when the intensity wears off. I want the intensity to come back so I hold on, waiting for its return.


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## Doll

When you don't understand why saying "we" all the time is a problem...


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## Kito

brainheart said:


> I wonder if sp/sxs have a harder time moving on to the next thing, even when the intensity wears off. I want the intensity to come back so I hold on, waiting for its return.


I'm like this with songs. I get really sad when the intensity of a song wears off and it doesn't give me chills or anything anymore. I think we want the intensity back but don't go out of our way to find it.


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## frenchie

madhatter said:


> You know you're SP/SO when you can relate to nothing in this thread.


Oddly enough, I feel like that as well. 

Could I be Sp/So?


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## Kelvin

You know you're SX-dom when you can love and hate someone intensely at the same freaking time.


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## mushr00m

madhatter said:


> You know you're SP/SO when you can relate to nothing in this thread.


Lol :laughing: And when you have felt genuinely frightened by reading through some of the responses :shocked:
On a second note, I do like SX but only in doses and when I have had enough or am overwhelmed, I want out.


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## madhatter

frenchie said:


> Oddly enough, I feel like that as well.
> 
> Could I be Sp/So?


It's possible. I thought I was sp/sx for a while until I finally noticed the SO effects in me.


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## 7rr7s

When you try to savor every morsel of life, relationships, events, because you know that before long, the lustre of it will fade and it won't affect you the same way it did when it was new. So you try to remember that feeling so you can at least look back and say wow that was something else...


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## VivianeScrooge

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 1. When you are in a loud club or party surrounded by a bunch of people, but time slows down because you are lost in your lovers gaze.
> 
> 2. When you feel restless when things start to plateu, be it in a relationship, or work, or everyday life.
> 
> 3. Other people's definition of extreme, is your autopilot mode.
> 
> 4. You don't have to tell people you are intense, because you've allready told them with your eyes.
> 
> 5. Two words: hate sex.
> 
> 6. Someone tells you about how they climbed Everest, or traveled to a foreign country, or met their soulmate, and you are thinking to yourself "You lucky motherfucker!" You then start planning something big and extreme.
> 
> 7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"


Easily swayed by intense energy from people, even when you know its bad for you. Not only in love, not just people, EVERY THING with intense energy will definitely draws an sx dom in.

Yeah, what's the deal? I'm a sx dom to the core but I'm not interested in actual intercourse. I'm conservative when it comes to romantic relationships.

Will put stimulation first than other things, even health, even friends, every thing.

Impulsive, single minded, egotistical, competitive, blunt, moody

I'm also a 4 so my sx variant is all over the place, I remember crying when people couldn't handle my intensity, and ended up hating the world, blaming 'the world and people is ignorant!' and all that jazz.

I was very dramatic, the actual problem is far less interesting in real life. And also (I still do this when I loose my cool) I'm likely to resent myself when my intensity fades. It stresses me out, I feel like I betrayed my identity.


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## brittauzenne

Cant wait to taste your soul lol. Pretty accurate!!! I love SX insanity.


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## Swordsman of Mana

you know you're Sx dom when...
1) the idea of being possessive of your partner's genitalia appeals to you
2) the idea of your partner being possessive of your genitalia appeals to you
3) you don't understand why people are so put off by "clinginess". in your mind, if you're not both obsessed with each other, what's the fucking point?
4) half of you wants a fairytale, star crossed lovers romance which will last for eternity; however, realistically, you have a voracious appetite for romantic and sexual energy and, when the stock market of your love life goes into recession, you have to try _really_ hard not to go elsewhere to get those needs met.
5) you _have_ to stand out. fuck fitting in. you want to stand out and, if you're available, to advertize that availability.
6) you are a freak and, unless the people in your life accept that, they are never going to see the real you, much less get close to it. 
7) you're very picky about your mates, but when you do find the right person, you often know immediately (maybe not "love at first sight", but certainly "chemistry at first sight")
8) during dry spells, you feel like a goddamn zombie, narcotized, going through the motions. chemistry and spark the electrolytes which keep you moving, and without them you're prone to shut down and become lethargic, perhaps temporarily reclusive.
9) an interaction with an attractive person or a lively conversation causes you to light up and do an internal "yes! finally!"
10) your lust prompts you to do things that an Sp dom would consider insane.
11) fuck subtly and temperance, you're all about that which is bold, extravagant, flamboyant and engaging. 
12) you are prone to addiction. when you want something, you want more...and more...and MORE


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## HellCat

You get described as a succubus once in awhile, by various men.


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## StaceofBass

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"


.........



*is a soul leech*


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## d e c a d e n t

Swordsman of Mana said:


> you know you're Sx dom when...
> 1) the idea of being possessive of your partner's genitalia appeals to you
> 2) the idea of your partner being possessive of your genitalia appeals to you


I now truly understand sx thank you


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## 7rr7s

When you put on a new album on repeat for days, weeks, months even because you must immerse yourself in every aspect of it, your favorite song especially.

When you order the spiciest thing on the menu, and make sure to tell them _extra_ spicy, _extra_ Cajun, and even then sometimes you are pissed because it still wasn't spicy enough for you. 

When the Cold Stone Ice cream sizes describe the way you view things from new shirts, to romantic interests; like it, *love it*, *gotta have it. *They miss the final one however, *MORE!
*
When the music is never _too _loud, things never _too_ romantic, life never _too _vivid, for the world is never too much, it is only your insatiable appetite for it which is too large.


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## Swordsman of Mana

KindOfBlue06 said:


> When you put on a new album on repeat for days, weeks, months even because you must immerse yourself in every aspect of it, your favorite song especially.
> 
> When you order the spiciest thing on the menu, and make sure to tell them _extra_ spicy, _extra_ Cajun, and even then sometimes you are pissed because it still wasn't spicy enough for you.
> 
> When the Cold Stone Ice cream sizes describe the way you view things from new shirts, to romantic interests; like it, *love it*, *gotta have it. *They miss the final one however, *MORE!
> *
> When the music is never _too _loud, things never _too_ romantic, life never _too _vivid, for the world is never too much, it is only your insatiable appetite for it which is too large.


yes, to all of this


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## MissyMaroon

The last few posts describe Sx from a very Id standpoint, though still Sx nonetheless. I'm quite glad not to be an SX dom, even if there are moments I almost think I am... I look at these and think, "Yeah, nope." One of the greatest feelings - I imagine for anyone - is contentedness, and I think it is harder for an Sx to achieve... or at least an Id Sx.


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## chimeric

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"


I pray that when you dream, you dream of how we kiss
Not with our lips but with our souls...
Stop me if I bore you.

-Prince :kitteh:


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## 7rr7s

chimeric said:


> I pray that when you dream, you dream of how we kiss
> Not with our lips but with our souls...
> Stop me if I bore you.
> 
> -Prince :kitteh:


Let's get crazy.


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## 7rr7s

MissyMaroon said:


> The last few posts describe Sx from a very Id standpoint, though still Sx nonetheless. I'm quite glad not to be an SX dom, even if there are moments I almost think I am... I look at these and think, "Yeah, nope." One of the greatest feelings - I imagine for anyone - is contentedness, and I think it is harder for an Sx to achieve... or at least an Id Sx.


True. As a heavy Id Sx, content is never really in the ballpark. Even the moments I do feel content, I feel like I need to savor it and kind of revel in it because I know that it will not last. So in a way the contentedness is almost like a fear too, because I fear that it's going to lose it's "newness" or whatever it was that first attracted me to it. But it's the very fact that I know it will not last that kind of amplifies it's appeal to me. 

It's a very interesting feeling, one that's hard to convey in words.


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## WOLFsanctuary

aconite said:


> *When love and addiction seem to be synonymes.
> 
> When there's no such thing as "too much, too soon".
> 
> When it's very hard to be mildly interested in something or someone.
> 
> When you prefer a love-hate relationship to polite indifference.*


Enough Said ;-)

@_aconite_ Come Back

By 4w3 SX/SP


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## Father of Dragons

When one of your most important skills is in holding yourself back when you meet someone you are intensely interested in. I've put so many people off over the years by escalating the friendship or relationship way too fast for the other person's comfort. The phrase "too much, too soon" comes to mind...


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## Swordsman of Mana

KindOfBlue06 said:


> 7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"


eh, usually the other person is thinking the same thing if it's really someone I'd hit it off with :laughing:


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## kaleidoscope

Swordsman of Mana said:


> eh, usually the other person is thinking the same thing if it's really someone I'd hit it off with :laughing:


Show off. :crazy:


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## 7rr7s

Swordsman of Mana said:


> eh, usually the other person is thinking the same thing if it's really someone I'd hit it off with :laughing:


In some cases yes, in other cases. it's the mystery, the pursuit of that mystery, the conquest of it that draws one in.


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## Kintsugi

You keep a friendly distance from most people knowing that if you get too close your intensity could potentially scare the fuck out of them. T_T


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## Arya

KindOfBlue06 said:


> When you put on a new album on repeat for days, weeks, months even because you must immerse yourself in every aspect of it, your favorite song especially.
> 
> When you order the spiciest thing on the menu, and make sure to tell them _extra_ spicy, _extra_ Cajun, and even then sometimes you are pissed because it still wasn't spicy enough for you.
> 
> When the Cold Stone Ice cream sizes describe the way you view things from new shirts, to romantic interests; like it, *love it*, *gotta have it. *They miss the final one however, *MORE!
> *
> When the music is never _too _loud, things never _too_ romantic, life never _too _vivid, for the world is never too much, it is only your insatiable appetite for it which is too large.


I so do that. I'll play the most aggressive songs I can find on repeat as loud as they'll go, because it makes me feel alive. I love spicy food too. It makes me feel so good. I'm always disappointed when my chile is totally mild.


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## 7rr7s

Arya said:


> I so do that. I'll play the most aggressive songs I can find on repeat as loud as they'll go, because it makes me feel alive. I love spicy food too. It makes me feel so good. I'm always disappointed when my chile is totally mild.


Actually, in a real SX moment, I put on The Stooges (one of my favorite bands, and one of the hardest rock bands of all time) full blast, turned on porn, and ate some REALLY REALLY spicy food. I had the aural sensation of the music, the visual stimulation, the arousal, as well as the spiciness and the smell of the food ALL AT ONCE! All 5 senses going full force. It was a hell of an experience.


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## Arya

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Actually, in a real SX moment, I put on The Stooges (one of my favorite bands, and one of the hardest rock bands of all time) full blast, turned on porn, and ate some REALLY REALLY spicy food. I had the aural sensation of the music, the visual stimulation, the arousal, as well as the spiciness and the smell of the food ALL AT ONCE! All 5 senses going full force. It was a hell of an experience.


I want spicy food now.  It would probably burn my stupid head cold out too. More coffee for me I guess, since I don't have any.


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## 7rr7s

Arya said:


> I want spicy food now.  It would probably burn my stupid head cold out too. More coffee for me I guess, since I don't have any.


I was actually inspired and made some spicy eggs, although they weren't as spicy as I'd hoped they'd be. Sx Problems! 

Also...


When you can't find something that you need, like car keys or a meaningful object to you and so you rip apart your whole place, the pillows, the furniture, everything, because you MUST have it, and the mess you make in finding it doesn't matter.


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## Arya

KindOfBlue06 said:


> I was actually inspired and made some spicy eggs, although they weren't as spicy as I'd hoped they'd be. Sx Problems!
> 
> Also...
> 
> 
> When you can't find something that you need, like car keys or a meaningful object to you and so you rip apart your whole place, the pillows, the furniture, everything, because you MUST have it, and the mess you make in finding it doesn't matter.


That also sounds like an SP last problem.... Haha. I do that too. I'll tear apart my entire room, and there will be stuff absolutely everywhere, and then I won't get around to cleaning it up for like a week.


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## 7rr7s

Arya said:


> That also sounds like an SP last problem.... Haha. I do that too. I'll tear apart my entire room, and there will be stuff absolutely everywhere, and then I won't get around to cleaning it up for like a week.


True, but it goes back to the HAVE TO HAVE IT thing. Desire and obsession get blurred, and it's the fulfillment of the desire that you chase, and yet you get caught up in the feeling of it, and even the chase, the search for whatever it is you're looking for enthralls you.


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## Arya

KindOfBlue06 said:


> True, but it goes back to the HAVE TO HAVE IT thing. Desire and obsession get blurred, and it's the fulfillment of the desire that you chase, and yet you get caught up in the feeling of it, and even the chase, the search for whatever it is you're looking for enthralls you.


Yep, totally. It drives me insane when I can't find what I'm searching for.


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## 7rr7s

Arya said:


> Yep, totally. It drives me insane when I can't find what I'm searching for.


I know right! But then when you DO find it, you feel satisfied -for a moment. And then the meaning that it held for you in some way diminishes. You want that feeling again, the first precedence that you found in it over all other things. But you know it's gone and you can only love it in the same way one can love a memory.


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## Swordsman of Mana

kaleidoscope said:


> Show off. :crazy:


I don't deny it, but I am confused as to how it's evident in this particular post lol


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## Devrim

I read through this within a few seconds,
And now there is no more doubt as just to HOW dominant Sx is,
VERY haha


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## g_w

LeoCat said:


> You get described as a succubus once in awhile, by various men.


Nope, can't check that one off the list. :laughing:


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## Arya

when you're watching this music video and thinking this is my brain. More accurately it's probably an SX dom type six thing I'd think.....


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## The Scorched Earth

Arya said:


> when you're watching this music video and thinking this is my brain. More accurately it's probably an SX dom type six thing I'd think.....


That song is liquid sex. The bass line sounds like dry-humping.


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## pond

When you hate mind games. You're straightforward about what you want and you want it now.


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## Animal

My mind 






Sx/Sx/Sx


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## HellCat

The Scorched Earth said:


> When you know almost immediately the people you have a "bond" with and those you don't. The idea of spending extended time with the ones you don't is emotionally and mentally draining.


Here Here. I prefer my wild things to most human company. If I talk to you, you are a special human being.


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## babblingbrook

I think there's a lot of type 7 sx shown here, i.e. MORE MORE MORE.

For me sx is all about magnetism, attraction.

You are sx when you often find mundane life boring as hell and you want to spend your time 110%, constantly, you want to feel you're alive. You seek intensity in everything you do. When you are interested in something, you are usually obsessed with it. When you got what you wanted you move over to the next thing. 

Sometimes I wear myself out and that's when I go into sp mode.

Not sure if he is sx dom but this might resonate with sx doms:



Joseph Campbell said:


> “People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”


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## cosmia

The Scorched Earth said:


> When you know almost immediately the people you have a "bond" with and those you don't. The idea of spending extended time with the ones you don't is emotionally and mentally draining.


Haha, yep. I've gone on sooo many first dates and so few second ones.


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## 7rr7s

cosmia said:


> Haha, yep. I've gone on sooo many first dates and so few second ones.


The worst is when you realize it shortly into the date. Then you are stuck more or less. Or if you wanna go really Sx, you just get hammered on the date and let it take care of itself. ;D


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## The Scorched Earth

You know you're an Sx-Dom when patience is not a virtue that you will ever have.


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## babblingbrook

The Scorched Earth said:


> *You know you're an Sx-Dom when patience is not a virtue that you will ever have. *


hmmm, I'm patient, but that's because I'm a type 9...

Type 9 and sx dom is quite an odd combination I think.


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## Animal

The Scorched Earth said:


> *You know you're an Sx-Dom when patience is not a virtue that you will ever have. *


*contemplates Sp-dom*

I would wait forever to get what I want. Nothing can stand between me and my obsession - not time, space, humanity, illness, poverty, or any other logical boundary. I will do anything it takes, over however long it takes.

I would not call it 'patience' for the process is not exactly calm. The flames gather and gather and gather until I explode in songs, stories, tears, rage; over and over. But still, I will not give up. I will aspire to super-human heights simply for the hope that one day I will have what I crave. 

The only hope of giving up is that he rejects me outright, or proves to me that he isn't worth it. As long as he is worth it, the pursuit knows no bounds.


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## The Scorched Earth

Animal said:


> *contemplates Sp-dom*
> 
> I would wait forever to get what I want. Nothing can stand between me and my obsession - not time, space, humanity, illness, poverty, or any other logical boundary. I will do anything it takes, over however long it takes.
> 
> I would not call it 'patience' for the process is not exactly calm. The flames gather and gather and gather until I explode in songs, stories, tears, rage; over and over. But still, I will not give up. I will aspire to super-human heights simply for the hope that one day I will have what I crave.
> 
> The only hope of giving up is that he rejects me outright, or proves to me that he isn't worth it. As long as he is worth it, the pursuit knows no bounds.


This sounds more like endurance, which I think any mature person of whatever variant can have.


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## Animal

The Scorched Earth said:


> This sounds more like endurance, which I think any mature person of whatever variant can have.


While I agree with you on that, this mentality was even more pronounced when I was extremely unhealthy.

I would have my conquests, and then I would have my 'one great' unobtainable obsession for whom my dedication knew no bounds. This was, of course, extremely immature behavior. It frightens me how easily I can fall into this mentality even as a healthy person. I would call it my biggest potential downfall, at least as far as psychology is concerned.


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## The Scorched Earth

The Scorched Earth said:


> This sounds more like endurance, which I think any mature person of whatever variant can have.


Come to think of it, I think endurance might be a hallmark of the Sp 4.


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## Animal

The Scorched Earth said:


> Come to think of it, I think endurance might be a hallmark of the Sp 4.


Are you sx/sp?

I've considered Sp dom for various reasons, this being among them.


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## Arya

Animal said:


> *contemplates Sp-dom*
> 
> I would wait forever to get what I want. Nothing can stand between me and my obsession - not time, space, humanity, illness, poverty, or any other logical boundary. I will do anything it takes, over however long it takes.
> 
> I would not call it 'patience' for the process is not exactly calm. The flames gather and gather and gather until I explode in songs, stories, tears, rage; over and over. But still, I will not give up. I will aspire to super-human heights simply for the hope that one day I will have what I crave.
> 
> The only hope of giving up is that he rejects me outright, or proves to me that he isn't worth it. As long as he is worth it, the pursuit knows no bounds.


I'm the same way. I have extreme endurance for what I want. I asked my mom and sister once whether they thought I was aggressive about getting what I want, and they said I wasn't, but that I am very steadfast about it. My obsessiveness worries me sometimes... I'm really a sink with the ship sort of person, and usually nobody can convince me to do otherwise.


----------



## The Scorched Earth

Animal said:


> Are you sx/sp?
> 
> I've considered Sp dom for various reasons, this being among them.


Yes to Sx/Sp. Much of my imbalance a few years ago can be traced to unhealthy Sx-dom behavior. I think Sp-doms tend to deal with stressful situations better than Sx-doms.


----------



## 7rr7s

You know you're an SX Dom when you order the spiciest thing on the menu, make sure to tell them extra spicy, and then add additional spice to it. Everyone looks at you like you are insane and you just smile and feel the burn. And in the end it still could have been spicier.


----------



## Animal

KindOfBlue06 said:


> You know you're an SX Dom when you order the spiciest thing on the menu, make sure to tell them extra spicy, and then add additional spice to it. Everyone looks at you like you are insane and you just smile and feel the burn. And in the end it still could have been spicier.


My social-dominant friend ordered the spiciest thing at the Indian restaurant and they warned him that nobody could handle it and he would hate it, but being the show-off that he is, he ordered it anyway and then he could not eat it. roud: 

Maybe an SX-dom could have handled it?? :tongue:


----------



## Animal

... When the thought "Marriage is not about sex" makes you squirm.


----------



## 7rr7s

Animal said:


> My social-dominant friend ordered the spiciest thing at the Indian restaurant and they warned him that nobody could handle it and he would hate it, but being the show-off that he is, he ordered it anyway and then he could not eat it. roud:
> 
> Maybe an SX-dom could have handled it?? :tongue:


Of course they could have. Especially an SX 3. 



Animal said:


> ... When the thought "Marriage is not about sex" makes you squirm.


When "all you need is love" makes you think "Uhhh no, all you need is hot passionate intense toe curling sex. Then maybe love. After some more intense soul sex."


----------



## Arya

Animal said:


> My social-dominant friend ordered the spiciest thing at the Indian restaurant and they warned him that nobody could handle it and he would hate it, but being the show-off that he is, he ordered it anyway and then he could not eat it. roud:
> 
> Maybe an SX-dom could have handled it?? :tongue:


I've eaten insanely hot food before. I probably would've wanted to try it... And being me I would've made a pretty good effort. I actually kind of like the feeling. Your face gets all tingly.


----------



## The Scorched Earth

You know you're an Sx-dom when you have several things you want to do and a few things you need to do, and you have such difficulty deciding what to actually do, that you wind up accomplishing nothing. -_-


----------



## SuperNova85

When desirability is your constant obsession, reigning supreme in your everyday focus. The lack of it breaks your heart and clouds your soul.

When the concept of moderation is a mirage.

When a friend is a lover, and a lover is a god. (The person who said this HAD to be Sx-dom)

When you don't _go_ to sleep, as much as you _fall_ asleep. (eventually)

When you sympathize with people who suffer from addiction from a very young age, because you have an intuitive understanding of it's nature, living on the edge of it yourself.

When you think back on your life and can't remember a time, dating back to childhood, that you didn't experience strong sexual/romantic feelings. 

When your sexual tendencies got you in a lot of trouble when you were little, and was made to feel freakish and weird for your intensity.

When your heart rate is indicative of your mood at any given moment.

When you'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

When you imagine a time in your future, when you've done, seen and accomplished everything you wanted to, and it scares the shit out of you.


----------



## 7rr7s

When you look at an instrument and get aroused. You want to tun it up and turn it on. Amplify feelings. Play the blues, that deep blues you feel in your bones. Make it bleed. Harness that howl, that wound. Turn it into something beautiful.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

My ex would only have very polite sex with me. I tried to get him to be more adventurous and he wouldn't. SO... I found myself picking fights in hopes that he would have angry sex with me. he never would. =( does this make me an SX?


----------



## Dalton

SuperNova85 said:


> When the concept of moderation is a mirage.
> 
> When you sympathize with people who suffer from addiction from a very young age, because you have an intuitive understanding of it's nature, living on the edge of it yourself.


These are recurring points throughout the thread. I can't imagine myself acting as recklessly as some people describe. Perhaps my 1 core is my ticket out of that mess? (ò_ô)

It would be nice to follow my desires that easily, but I'm just afraid that when I get what I want, it won't be the quality that I imagined. I had an epiphany while high a few months ago: _"I'm scared of what I want."_ I don't know whether it's the idealism, or the Sx, or the combination, but it really felt powerful, even though I didn't realize what it meant until after I sobered.


----------



## Doll

When you prefer raging anger and screaming over blank stares.


----------



## Swordsman of Mana

Doll said:


> *you know you're reactive* When you prefer raging anger and screaming over blank stares.


fixed


----------



## Doll

Swordsman of Mana said:


> fixed


That works too!


----------



## daleks_exterminate

...maybe I'm not a SX...but this thread is steamy.


----------



## 7rr7s

When the idea of soulmates frighten you because you realize they will never be enough, yet knowing you could have many seems to diminish the connection of the one that might only exist. But deep down you want both to be true because you crave the intense connection.


----------



## Dalton

KindOfBlue06 said:


> When the idea of soulmates frighten you because you realize they will never be enough, yet knowing you could have many seems to diminish the connection of the one that might only exist. But deep down you want both to be true because you crave the intense connection.


When the idea of a soulmate (I define it as that one person who is perfect for you) saddens you. She might have been born 90 years ago in Ghana, or was just born in Lesotho last year, or just got married to the prince of Denmark. You have next to no chance of ever meeting. Even if you do meet, what is the likelihood that you ever see each other again to build that perfect relationship? Even if you follow through and fall in love, one of you is going to die someday, leaving the other alone and broken. I would rather the concept of soulmates not be true.


----------



## 7rr7s

Dalton said:


> When the idea of a soulmate (I define it as that one person who is perfect for you) saddens you. She might have been born 90 years ago in Ghana, or was just born in Lesotho last year, or just got married to the prince of Denmark. You have next to no chance of ever meeting. Even if you do meet, what is the likelihood that you ever see each other again to build that perfect relationship? Even if you follow through and fall in love, one of you is going to die someday, leaving the other alone and broken. I would rather the concept of soulmates not be true.


Yeah but if you find her, she's 1 in 7 billion. Goodluck! ;D


----------



## Bricolage

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Yeah but if you find her, she's 1 in 7 billion. Goodluck! ;D


I mean, let's go ahead and exclude same sex and children. You cut down by at least 4 billion right there.


----------



## zaczacattack

you're an isfp and all you want to do is fuck, and every girl thinks you're a jerk with no actual feelings for them because of it.


----------



## Bricolage

zaczacattack said:


> you're an isfp and all you want to do is fuck, and every girl thinks you're a jerk with no actual feelings for them because of it.


Get that pu$$y son.


----------



## kwarling

Bricolage said:


> I mean, let's go ahead and exclude same sex and children. You cut down by at least 4 billion right there.


And don't forget the dead people, and the ones that haven't yet existed.


----------



## Bricolage

kwarling said:


> And don't forget the dead people, and the ones that haven't yet existed.


I'm not into necrophilia myself but I'll let you do your own tabulation. :wink:


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Swordsman of Mana said:


> _*you know you're reactive When you prefer raging anger and screaming over blank stares.*_
> 
> 
> 
> 
> fixed
Click to expand...

Heh, I think I'd prefer the latter.


----------



## SuperNova85

Dalton said:


> These are recurring points throughout the thread. I can't imagine myself acting as recklessly as some people describe. Perhaps my 1 core is my ticket out of that mess? (ò_ô)
> 
> It would be nice to follow my desires that easily, but I'm just afraid that when I get what I want, it won't be the quality that I imagined. I had an epiphany while high a few months ago: _"I'm scared of what I want."_ I don't know whether it's the idealism, or the Sx, or the combination, but it really felt powerful, even though I didn't realize what it meant until after I sobered.


It's not always so easy to follow my desires, but with you being a 1w9/ENTJ I know where you're coming from. However, there is a "pause to think moment" before I give in to the urge however brief that moment may be, after all, I'm Sx/Sp as opposed to So. But 9 times out of 10, I sort of go "Why am I fooling myself, I know I'm gonna do it.", which I usually do. But sometimes, common sense and caution does win to the demise of my Sx. In these moments, as pissed at myself as I may be for rendering myself to such boredom, I sort of know on an intuitive level that I made the right choice, and then I go find the thing that would bring me the 2nd biggest charge of intensity. It's almost like I instinctively know (or learned!) what I could get away with _with_ my Sx and when to scale back.

And I could relate to being afraid of what you want. For me, from the perspective of the instincts, it's almost as if I'm settling for smaller Sx wants, desires and fixes; while not staying grounded enough to experience something that's much bigger, satisfying and rewarding....:frustrating:


----------



## charlie.elliot

1. When watching a show about storm-chasers fills you with the most intense wild burning desire and restlessness

2. when you use a phrase like "most intense wild burning desire and restlessness"

3. When you go outside and run around whenever theres a thunderstorm. When going for a run is just that much better when its pouring down rain torrentially

4. When jumping into ice cold water is just a hobby of yours

5. When you eat a bunch of wasabi just because you're bored


----------



## Doll

When you want to sell all your material possessions, use the money to buy a plane ticket to an exotic destination, and then see where your passion carries you.


----------



## Promethea

SuperNova85 said:


> When you imagine a time in your future, when you've done, seen and accomplished everything you wanted to, and it scares the shit out of you.


This statement just solved three lingering wtfs in my mind. Srsly. Thanks.

And no I will never say what they were. lol


----------



## avidity

When love and sex are synonymous to you. You can't separate the two in your mind, no matter how hard (no pun intended) you try.


----------



## LyeLye

When all of your friends are dancing at some frat party, but you've started having a deep meaningful conversation with a random stranger.


----------



## Distill

Dalton said:


> These are recurring points throughout the thread. I can't imagine myself acting as recklessly as some people describe. Perhaps my 1 core is my ticket out of that mess? (ò_ô)
> 
> It would be nice to follow my desires that easily, but I'm just afraid that when I get what I want, it won't be the quality that I imagined. I had an epiphany while high a few months ago: _"I'm scared of what I want."_ I don't know whether it's the idealism, or the Sx, or the combination, but it really felt powerful, even though I didn't realize what it meant until after I sobered.


This is rather how I feel. I don't really associate with the sheer recklessness of classic sx, but I am 95 % sure I am. I can be quite heavy on the 1-wing sometimes and think I became scared/ashamed of the more intense/sexual/intimate side of myself. So whilst I do have the desire, it's somewhat tempered. It comes out for me mostly in music and food. 

My rationale for being an sx is the degree to which I've been fascinated by intimacy for intimacy's sake. I remember aged about 9 I'd fantasise about bad things happening to certain people which would give me the opportunity to get closer to them. I don't relate at all to so or sp rationales behind that, it was purely for the intimacy. Lookin back, no wonder I scared myself.


----------



## Dalton

You know you're Sx when _this_ guy makes sense:






Forgive the sensationalist title. It bothers me, and betrays the actual heart of the video, in my opinion.


----------



## Animal

I asked someone to explain to me last night, the meaning of "too intense."

The only answer they came up with that made sense to me was "They don't return your feelings, so your feelings seem too intense."

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.

But why not just call that "unrequited" rather than...

... I don't know. I don't think I'll ever understand.


----------



## kaleidoscope

When the only time you feel _truly _alive is when you're experiencing the rush of getting to know someone you find interesting; your senses feel sharper, your skin is prickling, and you're just buzzing with the anticipation & excitement of it all. Such an addictive feeling.


----------



## 7rr7s

When you're swimming in a lake during a thunderstorm and the intensity of it is like physically accessing your emotional state when you're falling for someone.


----------



## Superfluous

-youre constantly lured in by darkness, and when you acknowledge that you're attracted to crazy people
-sometimes you hear a song so damn fucking good, you just have the need to touch yourself
which leads to.. -you wanted to be a groupie as a child "We are not Groupies. Groupies sleep with rockstars because they want to be near someone famous. We are here because of the music, we inspire the music. We are Band Aids."
-you pull your loved one out in a wind and thunder storm to dance in the rain
-you actually feel HAPPY after near terrifying circumstances because you got another reminder how good it feels to be alive
-you psychoanaylyze and look for deeper meanings, and read between lines constantly
-and you get disappointed when people dont read between your lines (for instance when you reply to situations with a song with the most RELATIVE lyrics, and theyre oblivious to your artistic passive aggressiveness!)
-you forgot why youre even denying that youre crazy anymore

"Feeling numb no I don't roll with simple people
They don't seem to understand
I'm mostly happy but sometimes I do feel evil
Sometimes I like feeling bad
I like whiskey, black leather and diamonds
Sue me I like being fresh
Float on my, I'm in my zone and I'm zoning
Live how I want nothing less
Yeah you will live and learn"


----------



## MNiS

... you thrive on intensity.
Flying into the great beyond is of course frightening but you would never let that fear show because feelings and feeling afraid are weaknesses and as an SX, they can afford none. It is only when the unknown is then known can the intensity wind down and one can default to their normal state. So if I were to describe SX with one word, it would be "Metal".


----------



## HellCat

When you strip down to play in thunderstorms, the more dangerous and scary the better.

You go barefoot anywhere.

You fight the good fight against the tyranny of pants!

When that dangerous old tree or log overlooking the ocean/river/gator pond is too inviting not to climb and play on even if you are thirty.

You stop to have intense, deep meaningful conversations with wild animals.

You have hurricane parties to watch storm and sleep through tornadoes. 

Rainstorms make everything more intense.


----------



## Dalton

LeoCat said:


> Rainstorms make everything more intense.


Isn't that just about _every movie ever? _:wink:


----------



## HellCat

Dalton said:


> Isn't that just about _every movie ever? _:wink:


I hate that movie and yet its riveting because of the chemistry and scenery.

Such a love hate relationship with it.

I find it interesting you chose a chick flick to mock my statement. What an insight into your psyche.


----------



## HellCat

When this makes sense to you emotionally.


----------



## Dalton

LeoCat said:


> I hate that movie and yet its riveting because of the chemistry and scenery.
> 
> Such a love hate relationship with it.
> 
> I find it interesting you chose a chick flick to mock my statement. What an insight into your psyche.


Where else will I find scenes like this that aren't in a chick flick? Perhaps classic films, although I can't remember any examples besides Breakfast at Tiffany's, which I still consider a "chick flick".

I didn't mean to mock you. If my post was rude, I apologize. I still agree that rainstorms make everything more intense. roud:



LeoCat said:


> When this makes sense to you emotionally.


This week, I was watching "Dancing with the Stars", and a couple did an Argentinian tango. At the end, the judges complimented the contestants, saying that it was hot and sexy, and I actually took offense to it! :laughing: Seriously, you're judges of a dance competition. You should be able to comment on the emotional content: the passion, the longing, the restraint.... To describe it as hot and sexy is to degrade it to the level of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit edition. It's so much more than that. When I was in high school, tango was the one dance that I felt I _needed_ to learn. However, to learn, one must have a partner, which I did not. Forget almost every other style of dance -- few can match the emotional intensity of tango.


----------



## HellCat

Dalton said:


> Where else will I find scenes like this that aren't in a chick flick? Perhaps classic films, although I can't remember any examples besides Breakfast at Tiffany's, which I still consider a "chick flick".
> 
> I didn't mean to mock you. If my post was rude, I apologize. I still agree that rainstorms make everything more intense. roud:


No man I am joking. Really hard to offend me ever. 

Classic movie scene in the rain!


----------



## Superfluous

LeoCat said:


> When this makes sense to you emotionally.


fuck yessssss.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

LeoCat said:


> When this makes sense to you emotionally.


Nothing more sexual than murder, after all.


----------



## HellCat

Kink said:


> Nothing more sexual than murder, after all.



Sx is all about intensity  so yea. Nothing more sexual than murderesses wearing black leather, prowling, pouncing, gyrating and growling through their songs.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

LeoCat said:


> Sx is all about intensity  so yea. Nothing more sexual than murderesses wearing black leather, prowling, pouncing, gyrating and growling through their songs.


I guess so.


----------



## Rabbit Heart

Could this thread be more pretentious


----------



## entheos

madhatter said:


> You know you're SP/SO when you can relate to nothing in this thread.


I'm Sp/So and relate to everything on this thread


----------



## HellCat

You lose all track of thought when there is a storm.

my SP 6w7 Entp brother just now, catching me in my underwear standing in the rain, transfixed by the roaring thunder going on (its the south so wild storms) 

"You have alzheimers or something? Do you realize its raining?"


----------



## MNiS

When you are the eye of the impending typhoon.


----------



## Superfluous

when you're disappointed, but... not really, cause you find yourself relishing on the ideas on why a cool person you sorta-kinda-not-really knew got banned. @MNiS oh you outlaw! *throws my body against your *WANTED* poster and kisses the paper* 

wait what


----------



## tresemme

When you masturbate lots.


----------



## The Scorched Earth

When you take an interest in something, you fall into it deep and hard, and everything else goes to the backburner.


----------



## Dalton

The Scorched Earth said:


> When you take an interest in something, you fall into it deep and hard, and everything else goes to the backburner.


That's so sexual.

(Euphemistically, but I guess instinct-wise too.)

:kitteh:


----------



## 7rr7s

Rabbit Heart said:


> Could this thread be more pretentious


Could this post be more passive aggressive? Feel free to make a better one; the forum is what you make it.


----------



## 7rr7s

When the need to consume, to possess, to merge with another overrides rational thought and you thrive on the intensity of the obsession, for the vision of your desire is like a laser and behind the desire lies the full power and vitality of your lust, your ache and your temptation.


----------



## avidity

You feel depressed when the obsession stops, and look for ways to start it up again because you want to be in love. You're empty without it. Or is that just me/4?


----------



## Superfluous

hot bath. 
lights off.
candles.
wine. chocolate.
no one else in the house, so youre allowed to make enough noise..

record player beside the tub.
vinyl: rock. heavy rock. 
blunt in hand, head nodding to the rhythm
singing on the top of your lungs.
and nothing but this, until the record is done.

and that is how this girl gets rid of her crimson wave cramps. :kitteh:


----------



## 7rr7s

Superfluous said:


> hot bath.
> lights off.
> candles.
> wine. chocolate.
> no one else in the house, so youre allowed to make enough noise..
> 
> record player beside the tub.
> vinyl: rock. heavy rock.
> blunt in hand, head nodding to the rhythm
> singing on the top of your lungs.
> and nothing but this, until the record is done.
> 
> and that is how this girl gets rid of her crimson wave cramps. :kitteh:


That last line made me think of ROLL TIDE! XD. That does sound nice though. Here's something similar:


Lights off, total darkness except for a candle. Ethereal ambient music playing. Absinthe. Staring at the flame, watching it dance and move until you are in a trance like state. Catharsis.


----------



## Distill

KindOfBlue06 said:


> That last line made me think of ROLL TIDE! XD.


Seriously, who named that team? They might as well just go ahead and make their mascot a tampon.


----------



## Dalton

Superfluous said:


> hot bath.
> lights off.
> candles.
> wine. chocolate.
> no one else in the house, so youre allowed to make enough noise..
> 
> record player beside the tub.
> vinyl: rock. heavy rock.
> blunt in hand, head nodding to the rhythm
> singing on the top of your lungs.
> and nothing but this, until the record is done.
> 
> and that is how this girl gets rid of her crimson wave cramps. :kitteh:


The way you describe this, you almost make me _want_ to have "crimson wave cramps." :blushed:

We have 7 guests to our 1 member (myself) reading this thread. I think these Sx threads are the "pornography" of Personality Cafe -- nobody wants to be caught reading them.

You know you're Sx when you need to _force_ yourself to accept basic friendships, in lieu of waiting for impossibly perfect romances and bosom buddies.


----------



## HellCat

You wear leopard and it looks more pinup girl, than Peg Bundy. You need a strong intensity to pull such a bold look off correctly.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

-When falling for someone feels similar to sitting outside during thunder, lightning and pouring down rain, letting it all hit you...or like driving 120 miles per hour in a 60 per hour zone.

-when you've actually done both of those things.

-when previous romantic interests have fallen for you to try to "tame" you.

-when you've been offered trips out of the country with people you didn't know because you'd be crazy enough to go.

-when you've actually gone.

-when you've made out with or fucked someone who did not speak the same language as you.

-when it's still the best kiss you've ever had.

-when you see more beauty in pain and pain in beautiful things.

-when death seems inevitable so you may as well live.

-when you not only know someone with one of the most poisonous animals in the world, but you were its babysitter because no one else would be that crazy.

-when your intensity scared your parents enough they had you tested for manic depressive, bipolar, Aspergers, and being a sociopath.

-when you were none of those things, just intense.

-when you've gone in for a "hair trim" and had 18 inches cut off because you can't half ass anything.

-when your impulsiveness is like a storm at sea.

-when your sexuality shows through everything that you do, so a stranger smiles at you strangely then asks if you're a sub...because they can just tell. (Or I suppose a dom)

-when your desire for someone or something is all consuming that you'd wait forever to have it.

-when you can talk yourself or others into or out of nearly anything.

-when your "go to" drinks are absinthe, scotch or 151 proof rum.

-when you want what others want, you just want it _​more._


----------



## daleks_exterminate

I had a rough night last night.... Which somehow was remedied by 3 double shots of 100proof moonshine.


----------



## Bumblyjack

kaleidoscope said:


> I don't really understand the correlation between these things and the Sx/Sp stacking except for the last point. Could you elaborate some more? The second & third observation sound like a core 4 thing more than anything else, for instance.


At the core of each of those things is the converting of Self Preservation resources into Sexual instinct satisfaction: suffering, hardship, sacrifice (doing the opposite of what the Sp instinct wants) for excitement and merging (to achieve Sx aims).

The Self Preservation instinct is in a "functional" role (i.e. used as a means to an end). This is also the case in the So/Sp type, though the "end" is a different one. In other words, it is forgoing satisfaction on the tangible and aesthetic level of Self Preservation in order to pursue it elsewhere. In the case of the Sx/Sp, satisfaction is primarily pursued in syntony or "merging" of the Sexual Instinct, which is seeking to be in emotional harmony with the "other". This often takes the form of seeking and finding some thing, activity, idea, or person that one feels emotionally drawn to (or rather something that excites one's emotions) and then immersing oneself deeply in it.

This seeking for immersion may sound the same for Sx/Sp and Sx/So, but it manifests much differently for the types (and really it is difficult for one to fully understand the other type's experience of it, because it is something so deeply fundamental to worldview of the Sx individual -- I can't really wrap my head around the Sx/So "merging" experience, I can simply see some of the places where things are markedly different than in Sx/Sp), as is to be expected given that different "means" are being used.

The best way I can think to describe this difference is through analogy. Consider large waves crashing on the shore. Let the waves represent an emotionally exciting object (experience, thing, person, etc.). The Sx/So enters the water, paddles out with their board, catches a wave, and surfs atop it. The Sx/Sp times up their headlong run from the shore to meet the wave at its breaking point and has it crash down on them. What's the major difference here? One is seeking to channel or master the power of this emotionally exciting object while the other is seeking to be overcome or overwhelmed by its power. It's the difference between allowing yourself to be struck by a bolt of lighting (Sx/Sp) and attempting to harness it to power your arcane machine (Sx/So). Images of virgins jumping into a volcano also come to mind as a classic over-exaggerated portrayal of Sx/Sp.

Let's turn this around and approach it from a different angle: the Sx/So is using their Social instinct to fulfill Sexual instinct aims. The Self Preservational instinct is held "in reserve": the individual does not actively forgo tangible and aesthetic satisfaction in pursuit of satisfying the Sexual instinct and holds these things as lesser, secondary aims...e.g. having to endure physical discomfort or an emotionally unpleasant experience in order to satisfy the Sexual instinct does not feel right to the Sx/So, what feels right is to actively pursue what is desired and when such obstacles as pain and displeasure are encountered, to work around them or to seek solutions to these problems -- this sort of reminds me of the phrase "work smarter, not harder", which underscores a point of view that unnecessarily putting oneself through hardship and suffering is foolish, undesirable, and not something to be proud of -- the Sx/Sp would look at the scars they have with pride; in much the same way, the Sx/So would look back at the scars they avoided or the prices they did not have to pay: "people said it would be too difficult, but I found a way". It's sort of like beating the system: I knew I could do it, people only tried to discourage me and said I couldn't do it because they didn't understand how things really work (This isn't about proving something to other people, it's about not letting others' narrow-minded and naive beliefs based on fear place limits on you and on your life.).

What do I mean by "having an instinct in a 'functional' role"? (This pertains to the second-listed instinct of a type, for example /So in Sx/So or /Sp in Sx/Sp). The type does not get true satisfaction from that instinct, yet they work with it or deal in it all the time...but as a means to an end.

For example, Sx/So, So/Sx, Sp/Sx, and Sp/So all get true pleasure from sensory experience while both Sx/Sp and So/Sp do not. This pleasure comes from the Self Preservational instinct, something that the /Sp types value simply as currency to get what they truly want, stripping it down and re-casting it in a manner similar to melting down gold jewelry and turning it into gold bars or coins: no value is seen in its form, shape, or quality of craftsmanship, it is simply viewed for its raw material that can be spent elsewhere. The taste of food, the tactile sensation of a lover's touch, the sting of pain, the exhilaration of heat or cold; these are all greatly muted for the So/Sp and Sx/Sp. It's not that they aren't felt, it's that little to no emotional impact is attached to the sensations themselves; and therefore, they are not compelling without additional associated meaning (whereas they are compelling and emotionally significant in and of themselves for the Sp/So, Sp/Sx, Sx/So, and So/Sx types).

For example, let's consider a lover's touch. The Sx/Sp and So/Sp are hardly connoisseurs of the actual physical sensations of the touch (the warmth, the pressure, the firmness, the smoothness/abrasiveness, the force, how deeply into the skin it is felt, the rhythm of movement -- I actually find these things hard to describe because paying attention to them seems so foreign to me). They have a hard time distinguishing the subtle qualities and character of the touch -- whether it be the refined caress of an expert or the sloppy mauling of a drunkard -- they can only vaguely tell the difference and truly hardly care. An Sp/So, So/Sx, Sp/Sx, or Sx/So definitely could, and the difference in quality matters.

Now, does this mean that the Sx/Sp and So/Sp don't enjoy a lover's touch? By no means! They simply derive pleasure from the Sexual and Social instinct aspects associated with the touch (Sexual examples: feelings of closeness, excitement, merging, oneness, intensity; Social examples: who is the individual touching them, what is the nature of the touch, and what does that mean in terms of acceptance, status, appreciation, esteem, etc?). And since So/Sp and Sx/Sp both value their Social and Sexual instincts (one type having So as primary and Sx in reserve, the other having Sx as primary and So in reserve), both types get satisfaction from both their Social and Sexual instincts.



The roles of the different instincts (with Sx/Sp as an example):

Sx/Sp/_So_
"Primary"/"Functional"/"Reserve"

Primary = That which is sought with highest priority (though not to the exclusion of all else).

Functional = That which is used or overlooked in the pursuit of the goals or aims of the Primary instinct. The individual chiefly disregards it as a drive in its own right, its value comes solely from its ability to achieve the goals of the primary instinct. As such, an individual deals heavily in this instinct, effectively giving out or trading Functional instinct fulfillment in exchange for Primary.

Reserve = That which is kept off limits and not to be used or overlooked in the pursuit of the goals or aims of the Primary instinct. It is a secondary drive which seeks fulfillment. The individual limits dealings in this instinct to the bare minimum. It seems taboo and not to be touched. It is not to be actively pursued but also not to be sacrificed or forgone (like the wise sage Meatloaf once said -- well, at least what his songwriters said for him -- "I would do anything for love...but I won't do that" /sarc).

Flow:
Primary <-- Functional <-- Reserve <-- Primary
Functional feeds into Primary, Primary feeds into Reserve, Reserve feeds into Functional
Sx/Sp example: Sx <-- Sp <-- So <-- Sx
Sp contributes to Sx, Sx contributes to So, So contributes to Sp; priority is given to Sx <-- Sp


----------



## HellCat

Daleks_exterminate said:


> I had a rough night last night.... Which somehow was remedied by 3 double shots of 100proof moonshine.



I have people trying to get me to drink again. I had 30 shots and several bottled beverages. 

My vestibular system was suffering all fucking day and I managed to make five typos in a personal email.

I think if I cannot be coherent typing, its a bit too much.


100 proof is good for firebreathing. Party trick I learned from some magicians!


----------



## HellCat

Animal said:


> Yes. It's disrespectful to jump all over someone else's husband and I wouldn't do it.
> I would do the same as you.. just pine to myself if I must. I'm no angel.. by a stretch.. but feeling up someone else's man just isn't in the cards for me. Partly because I'm selfish- I don't want to come in "second place" to anyone.
> 
> I wouldn't want someone else to do it to my husband, though any guy I would marry would have a field day putting someone in their place who touched him in a way that might make me uncomfortable. ;P
> 
> That being said.. I don't really mind if my man plays with his friends. So it would depend if I knew the other woman and trusted her intentions, etc. Basically, I wouldn't marry someone who I can't trust.. so if he tells me "we're old friends, she's just playing.." I'd trust that he _truly_ believed that, and I would trust his judgement. There might be a point when someone pushes it, but any man I would marry, would cut the crap long before it reached that point.



Its cool if she is friends with me too. But if I feel the slightest bit of twitch from her spirit, seeing bad intentions. Shes out or I am. 

I don't do disrespect. 

I had to stop drunkenly sitting on my brother in laws lap, it was totally nonsexual for both of us, I called him my big human grumpy bear and he considered me a pet to carry around) when he started banging my sister.


----------



## Superfluous

Rustler said:


> Can I ask you guys something.. I get so jealous and pissed at people being so sx and freewheeling, cause i'm so trapped, i care too much about others feelings and being "right." See, you can tell I'm all wishy washy and middle of the road, but in my mind i don't feel like that at all, I feel like somewhere inside me I have the same intensity and passion, its just dulled so long before it gets out. So people considering me boring is one of the biggest insults I can imagine. I have such low self esteem. I just wanna be sx.


I have low self esteem and care what people think of me, sometimes I like to be seen as an angel or a prude when im feeling devious and nasty ahaha. Im especially wishy washy. the power is, im seen as so nonchallant, you wouldn't know which way to guess. 

I relate to you, and I doubt youre boring, love. Youre probably a candy with a surprisingly juicy gushy sour center! What are your functions?


----------



## Dalton

Bumblyjack said:


> The best way I can think to describe this difference is through analogy. Consider large waves crashing on the shore. Let the waves represent an emotionally exciting object (experience, thing, person, etc.). The Sx/So enters the water, paddles out with their board, catches a wave, and surfs atop it. The Sx/Sp times up their headlong run from the shore to meet the wave at its breaking point and has it crash down on them. What's the major difference here? One is seeking to channel or master the power of this emotionally exciting object while the other is seeking to be overcome or overwhelmed by its power. It's the difference between allowing yourself to be struck by a bolt of lighting (Sx/Sp) and attempting to harness it to power your arcane machine (Sx/So). Images of virgins jumping into a volcano also come to mind as a classic over-exaggerated portrayal of Sx/Sp.


I'm almost sure that I'm Sx/So, yet I only relate to half of the posts in this thread, and even a lot of those are still a stretch. Perhaps, if your explanation is accurate (and I relate to what you said about Sx/So), it explains why I have that problem.

If I'm going to put this entire thread in caricature, this is what I see:
I'm _so_ intense. Look at all these bat-shit crazy things I do. I don't even think before doing things. If I get an impulse, I follow it, I follow hard, and it's awesome. I put my life on the line for these thrills, and it's worth it. Fuck yeah. Oh, and don't even tell me about the "fine details". It's all-or-nothing. If I'm going to drink a glass of milk, it's going to be the BIGGEST, MILKIEST glass of milk EVER, so much that people will stare in terror as they say, "Holy fuck, how are you even drinking that?" There's no such thing as "the perfect amount". WTF, are you crazy? What does 'quality' even _mean? _If I'm putting mustard on my hot dog, I'm lubing every single part of it, with even more to spare slathered on the bun. You're living a shitty life, if all you do is a 'tasteful' thin line across the top.

I really don't understand what a lot of you mean by "intensity". Perhaps the best way to describe my interpretation of intensity (or at least its popular use in this thread) is "overbearing". For me, intensity is derived from the _quality_ of the stimulus, not the quantity. I don't push limits for its own sake. Either _I'm_ not Sx, or a lot of the people in the thread don't understand the meaning of it.

If anybody thinks that I'm not Sx, I honestly want to know.


----------



## HellCat

Rustler said:


> Can I ask you guys something.. I get so jealous and pissed at people being so sx and freewheeling, cause i'm so trapped, i care too much about others feelings and being "right." See, you can tell I'm all wishy washy and middle of the road, but in my mind i don't feel like that at all, I feel like somewhere inside me I have the same intensity and passion, its just dulled so long before it gets out. So people considering me boring is one of the biggest insults I can imagine. I have such low self esteem. I just wanna be sx.



Why is it dulled? What dulls it? 

Your fear of offending people? 


If people are offended by you indulging in your desires and dreams, do they really deserve your concern for their opinion at all?


----------



## HellCat

I'm not sure putting it in caricature is a way of understanding what we meant. It was more of a group commiseration, empathy and enjoying, indulging if you will, discussing the things we do, that say more.. timid people who care what others think, bitch at us for.


Socionics - the16types.info - Instinctual Stackings

this is pretty educational


----------



## Flatlander

Dalton said:


> I'm almost sure that I'm Sx/So, yet I only relate to half of the posts in this thread, and even a lot of those are still a stretch. Perhaps, if your explanation is accurate (and I relate to what you said about Sx/So), it explains why I have that problem.
> 
> If I'm going to put this entire thread in caricature, this is what I see:
> I'm _so_ intense. Look at all these bat-shit crazy things I do. I don't even think before doing things. If I get an impulse, I follow it, I follow hard, and it's awesome. I put my life on the line for these thrills, and it's worth it. Fuck yeah. Oh, and don't even tell me about the "fine details". It's all-or-nothing. If I'm going to drink a glass of milk, it's going to be the BIGGEST, MILKIEST glass of milk EVER, so much that people will stare in terror as they say, "Holy fuck, how are you even drinking that?" There's no such thing as "the perfect amount". WTF, are you crazy? What does 'quality' even _mean? _If I'm putting mustard on my hot dog, I'm lubing every single part of it, with even more to spare slathered on the bun. You're living a shitty life, if all you do is a 'tasteful' thin line across the top.
> 
> I really don't understand what a lot of you mean by "intensity". Perhaps the best way to describe my interpretation of intensity (or at least its popular use in this thread) is "overbearing". For me, intensity is derived from the _quality_ of the stimulus, not the quantity. I don't push limits for its own sake. Either _I'm_ not Sx, or a lot of the people in the thread don't understand the meaning of it.
> 
> If anybody thinks that I'm not Sx, I honestly want to know.


I wouldn't take the posts here as the utmost representative of SX. As @_LeoCat_ said, it's more a group commiseration.

SX is just a pairbonding instinct, so attraction/relation to single subjects/objects. In the dom of the stacking, it's the most naturally prioritized and the first neurosis. You know you're SX dom when that's true for you, nothing more, nothing less.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Dalton said:


> If anybody thinks that I'm not Sx, I honestly want to know.


I dunno, but your post aroused me at least. :3


----------



## Swordsman of Mana

KindOfBlue06 said:


> Haha I think you read it wrong, friend. Hate sex as in you hate the person so much, you have angry hate sex with them, and it's realyl intense because you both can't stand each other! I would totally have a hate orgy with Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.


this must be more Sx/So and/or Sexual reactive type. I wouldn't enjoy that at all lmao!


----------



## Swordsman of Mana

Bumblyjack said:


> These are particular to Sx/Sp:
> - The idea/concept of something is all that matters. If you agree with it in principle, then any amount of hardship or suffering seems worth it to accomplish the goal or forward the cause. However, if you disagree with something on principle, then any effort or resource put towards it feels like a tremendous and infuriating burden, regardless of how easy and even pleasant it may be.


Fi



> - Suffering or sacrifice for a cause feels like a badge of pride. It is welcome and desirable, even to the point that satisfaction and success without a little sacrifice is disappointing, hollow, and also somewhat suspicious.


Sp 4, So 7 or 2



> - Pleasure and suffering come from the mind and the heart, not the body. Physical sensations don't carry emotional weight. Fear doesn't exist in a physical, visceral way: pain, injury, and even death are not scary in themselves or directly but rather are due to the harsh, potentially irreversible limits they may impose on you.


speak for yourself :laughing:
I needs dem soft, beautiful bodies! 



> - Deep down the underlying root of all anger for the Sx/Sp is disappointment and frustration that something is obstructing or disrupting the deep connection or "merging" they crave.


this one however is definitely true! (and I'm Sx/Sp, triple frustration AND NFP...so yeah, to say this was a bit rough for me would be an understatement lol)


----------



## Superfluous

Dalton said:


> I'm almost sure that I'm Sx/So, yet I only relate to half of the posts in this thread, and even a lot of those are still a stretch. Perhaps, if your explanation is accurate (and I relate to what you said about Sx/So), it explains why I have that problem.
> 
> If I'm going to put this entire thread in caricature, this is what I see:
> I'm _so_ intense. Look at all these bat-shit crazy things I do. I don't even think before doing things. If I get an impulse, I follow it, I follow hard, and it's awesome. I put my life on the line for these thrills, and it's worth it. Fuck yeah. Oh, and don't even tell me about the "fine details". It's all-or-nothing. If I'm going to drink a glass of milk, it's going to be the BIGGEST, MILKIEST glass of milk EVER, so much that people will stare in terror as they say, "Holy fuck, how are you even drinking that?" There's no such thing as "the perfect amount". WTF, are you crazy? What does 'quality' even _mean? _If I'm putting mustard on my hot dog, I'm lubing every single part of it, with even more to spare slathered on the bun. You're living a shitty life, if all you do is a 'tasteful' thin line across the top.
> 
> I really don't understand what a lot of you mean by "intensity". Perhaps the best way to describe my interpretation of intensity (or at least its popular use in this thread) is "overbearing". For me, intensity is derived from the _quality_ of the stimulus, not the quantity. I don't push limits for its own sake. Either _I'm_ not Sx, or a lot of the people in the thread don't understand the meaning of it.
> 
> If anybody thinks that I'm not Sx, I honestly want to know.


I understand abour the quality > quantity idea youre going on about here. For instance, when I cry, I cry hysterically. I mean, im Sobbbbinggg. For a good 2 minutes. After then, I feel better - I unleashed my intensity. I dont need to SOAK it intensity all the time. For instance, when in love, I suffocate then I give freedom, then I suffocate and embrace, then I have give and enjoy freedom. So because of our second functions, sure we can enjoy intensity, but in small doses given frequently perhaps. 

Also you should check out how strong your SX is. 
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=26858 Your second function can appear stronger but that doesnt necessarily mean that you should doubt in your dominant. Think of it this way. If you hurt writing arm, you will learn to rely on your other arm to write, and it will get stronger, and might become habitual.


----------



## Swordsman of Mana

LeoCat said:


> You get called unintentionally porny.
> I think it has to do with intensity, joie de vivre and lust for life in general.
> Not posing like a drunk sorority girl trying to be "sexy"
> *I have an oral fixation and like to play with my beer bottles, absentmindedly, not an attention whore here) my sister in law used to love following me around at parties with a camera because she said every shot was smoldering.
> I fucking hate cameras so she bribes me with liquor, moving in for the kill.*


not sure if it's Sx related, but I hate cameras because I'm vain as fuck. 

do NOT take a picture of me until I'm ready :angry:


----------



## HellCat

Swordsman of Mana said:


> not sure if it's Sx related, but I hate cameras because I'm vain as fuck.
> 
> do NOT take a picture of me until I'm ready :angry:



Nothing wrong with that! I think people who take bad photos should be beaten with a pillowcase stuffed with quarters.


----------



## Swordsman of Mana

Rustler said:


> Can I ask you guys something.. I get so jealous and pissed at people being so sx and freewheeling, cause i'm so trapped, i care too much about others feelings and being "right." See, you can tell I'm all wishy washy and middle of the road, but in my mind i don't feel like that at all, I feel like somewhere inside me I have the same intensity and passion, its just dulled so long before it gets out. So people considering me boring is one of the biggest insults I can imagine. I have such low self esteem. I just wanna be sx.


it's fun sometimes, but it's also really fucking painful and codependent. I still wish I could delude myself into thinking I was Sp/Sx, cuz they're the best :sad:


----------



## Swordsman of Mana

Superfluous said:


> hot bath.
> lights off.
> candles.
> wine. chocolate.
> no one else in the house, so youre allowed to make enough noise..
> 
> record player beside the tub.
> vinyl: rock. heavy rock.
> blunt in hand, head nodding to the rhythm
> singing on the top of your lungs.
> and nothing but this, until the record is done.
> 
> and that is how this girl gets rid of her crimson wave cramps. :kitteh:


I love it!
you sound like a classy vampire diva who has to hide during the day :laughing:


----------



## Swordsman of Mana

entheos said:


> I'm Sp/So and relate to everything on this thread


you sound more like repressed Sx dom (though I'd think Sx 5. Sx 4 is a bit more crazy and usually identifies as Sx pretty quickly)


----------



## Dalton

LeoCat said:


> I'm not sure putting it in caricature is a way of understanding what we meant. It was more of a group commiseration, empathy and enjoying, indulging if you will, discussing the things we do, that say more.. *timid people who care what others think, bitch at us for.*
> 
> Socionics - the16types.info - Instinctual Stackings
> 
> this is pretty educational


I don't understand what you meant by the bolded. (Am I the one bitching?)

As for the link, I read it and I still feel that I'm Sx dominant, with slightly more So than Sp. One thing that bothers me is Naranjo's description of the sexual 1 as a "rhinoceros" of a person. I don't identify with "rhinoceros", yet I still identify with the rest of it more than So 1 & Sp 1. I can't disembody and witness my behavior from an outside perspective. I, by _being_ myself, have a natural barrier to knowing myself, because of biases and whatnot. However, I feel like I can't have rest until I've dug deep into my own soul. It's an uphill battle against myself. That's why I think it's patronizing hogwash for people to say, "Only you can find out your personality type," because I find it natural to jump to a conclusion, then doubt myself, then jump to another conclusion, and then doubt myself.

The last two panels of this comic are accurate of myself. xkcd: Pickup Artist



Flatlander said:


> I wouldn't take the posts here as the utmost representative of SX. As @_LeoCat_ said, it's more a group commiseration.


Perhaps it is my error to assume as I did. I've been confused about this thread for a while, and while I addressed it only a bit earlier, I felt like I need to entirely resolve this confusion. That's why I posted.



Kink said:


> I dunno, but your post aroused me at least. :3


Maybe I should channel my anger (which has nothing to do with this thread, by the way) into my posts more often.  How obvious was it? I would feel ashamed, except I don't believe I've said anything inappropriate.

@_Superfluous_ Because I decided to go all-out with my answer, I moved it to a more appropriate thread. roud:
http://personalitycafe.com/whats-my...you-determine-my-enneagram-2.html#post8997434


----------



## Superfluous

Swordsman of Mana said:


> I love it!
> you sound like a classy vampire diva who has to hide during the day :laughing:


 youre onto me :mellow: ahahah


----------



## entheos

Swordsman of Mana said:


> you sound more like repressed Sx dom (though I'd think Sx 5. Sx 4 is a bit more crazy and usually identifies as Sx pretty quickly)


Thing is, when I've taken tests, I score super high on the Sx, but Sp and So are always higher. Typically I get 85% Sp, 82% So, 80% Sx. The percentages vary, but it's minimal difference, and always in that order. 
And I'm 4 for sure 

It's only when I read people's posts that I relate. When I read the theory I don't relate to much of any of the 3, but definitely relate to Sp the most of all. I find the stackings things extremely confusing and like it doesn't make sense considering who I am as a person. No description applies to me so far. So I take the variants thing with a pinch of salt and treat it almost like a fun game, like zodiac. However, when I read personal posts from ther people, I relate to almost everything, whether they're talking from the pov of beign Sp-dom or So-d or Sx-d *sigh*


----------



## entheos

Giving an intense massage, pouring your whole heart, to a friend you made just four days ago. Afterwards, his blissed out face scares you cause the thought hits you "Wait, will he think I'm into him? Or that I was flirting? Oh no no please no", then you can't stop hugging him and smelling him cause he's so frikkin' huggable and kissable... but it's just friend love. You also wanted to ask about his greatest fears and vulnerabilities, but now decide you'll keep the mouth shut. Too much for only four days. The conflict of what wants to be done vs potential interpretations never ends.


----------



## 7rr7s

When you drown yourself in the sounds and emotions of an album; listening to it in different states, different moods, at different times, allowing it to wash over you and get deep in your bones. When you fall asleep to it and wake up to it, while in the interim allowing it to shape the trajectory of your dreams. When the expressive coloring of a note, the subtle phrasing of a lyric, the wild driving of a rhythm speaks to some ache, some longing deep in your bones and the vital visceral sound is all you know. When that moment takes precedence and shades all previous moments and you saturate yourself in the untamed beauty and wildness of it.


----------



## Superfluous

KindOfBlue06 said:


> When you drown yourself in the sounds and emotions of an album; listening to it in different states, different moods, at different times, allowing it to wash over you and get deep in your bones. When you fall asleep to it and wake up to it, while in the interim allowing it to shape the trajectory of your dreams. When the expressive coloring of a note, the subtle phrasing of a lyric, the wild driving of a rhythm speaks to some ache, some longing deep in your bones and the vital visceral sound is all you know. When that moment takes precedence and shades all previous moments and you saturate yourself in the untamed beauty and wildness of it.


*Cheers* absolutely stunning!


----------



## HellCat

Dalton said:


> I don't understand what you meant by the bolded. (Am I the one bitching?)
> 
> As for the link, I read it and I still feel that I'm Sx dominant, with slightly more So than Sp. One thing that bothers me is Naranjo's description of the sexual 1 as a "rhinoceros" of a person. I don't identify with "rhinoceros", yet I still identify with the rest of it more than So 1 & Sp 1. I can't disembody and witness my behavior from an outside perspective. I, by _being_ myself, have a natural barrier to knowing myself, because of biases and whatnot. However, I feel like I can't have rest until I've dug deep into my own soul. It's an uphill battle against myself. That's why I think it's patronizing hogwash for people to say, "Only you can find out your personality type," because I find it natural to jump to a conclusion, then doubt myself, then jump to another conclusion, and then doubt myself.
> 
> The last two panels of this comic are accurate of myself. xkcd: Pickup Artist
> 
> 
> Perhaps it is my error to assume as I did. I've been confused about this thread for a while, and while I addressed it only a bit earlier, I felt like I need to entirely resolve this confusion. That's why I posted.
> 
> 
> Maybe I should channel my anger (which has nothing to do with this thread, by the way) into my posts more often.  How obvious was it? I would feel ashamed, except I don't believe I've said anything inappropriate.
> 
> @_Superfluous_ Because I decided to go all-out with my answer, I moved it to a more appropriate thread. roud:
> http://personalitycafe.com/whats-my...you-determine-my-enneagram-2.html#post8997434


No I don't think your bitching. I just think making a caricature of it and exaggerating it loses the meaning behind us sharing it.

I wouldn't say it would be the most AWESOME milkiest milk ever

but I would say.. I can enjoy a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk with such lust that it makes my brother joke about the moaning involved. 

Which is not intentional whatsoever. It is just throwing yourself into everything like its your last moment on earth. 

I think is how I would describe it. But I am not a pro. ask @_Naqsh

I love that comic. She could have done much worse to him._


----------



## Dalton

*You know you're a Sexual 1 when...*



LeoCat said:


> It is just throwing yourself into everything like its your last moment on earth.


No punches pulled: I hate impulsivity. I don't just "hate" it, I actually _*hate*_ it. I do not want to see myself as impulsive! However, if I force myself to think of it, I start to notice how my desires and emotions instantly pull me, and how I attempt to repress it.

I don't allow myself to launch into _any_thing with the kind of vigor that you describe. When I do, it is because my conscious self (superego?) has lost control. Afterward, I often criticize myself for lack of self-control and wisdom. I am driven by Sx, yet I consider my drive to be bad, unrefined, imperfect, abominable.

The concept of yin & yang has strongly captured my interest lately. I guess this is true for anything that captures my interest, but I do hold myself back from even the seemingly harmless topic of yin & yang. This happens subconsciously, in fear that I might invest myself too fully into something that I might regret. It feels like a self-imposed prison, because without it, I would be in a constant flux from extreme pleasure to extreme pain. I rarely feel that pleasure is worth the price of pain.

You know you're an Sx 1 when you have thought that your own nature, complete with an impulsive drive for pleasure, is evil, and when you are in constant battle to quell the demon that is _yourself_.

There's a demon, and it's inside me. The pain I feel in admitting the demon's identity, is coupled with confusion. The demon is not inside me. The demon IS me. 

No, the demon is not me -- _I_ am the demon. I am _a_ demon. I think of how a person who claims to be a demon would appear -- a person proud of their "evil", not actually _seeing_ himself as evil, but instead mocking the people who see him as such by adopting the title. Nobody sees himself as truly evil. I don't believe that is something that the human mind is capable of accepting. Perhaps people see themselves as evil according to _others' _beliefs, but according to their own, it is not possible to be evil.

By merely admitting that I'm a demon, I've shattered reality. I'm not actually a demon. I'm a person with psychological problems, just like every mediocre person in the world. I'm not exceptional. So, is all the effort I've put into maintaining my uprightness and my moral superiority a waste? Has a large part of my life been a waste? Will I be able to overcome this neurotic bullshit, or continue to waste? It was very hard to accept that I'm "neurotic". My _mother_ is neurotic, not me. _She's_ the one who freaks out about stupid bullshit, not me. I spent my whole life using her and others as symbols of imperfection, people who I should not emulate. Who is perfect? Why did I never have a role model as a child? Why did I never have a favorite celebrity? In 1st grade, why did I find so much trouble in determining my favorite _anything?_

It's because nothing is perfect, and despite my lifelong wish for it to be so, I will never find it. The amount of perfection that I want in my friends is impossible. Despite my possibly "social" exterior, I shield myself from others. Sure, I'm here to help a bit, but you can't help me. You'll never be able to provide the deep, intimate, lifelong bond that I need from friends, family, and lovers. Do I truly _need_ it? All I know is that my desire is so fucking strong that I can't imagine being happy with anything else. Even when I have "friends", I am lonely.

I _am_ an Sx-dom -- I just need an epiphany to remind myself how I am.

The sexual instinct is evil, yet I cannot be evil at any cost.


----------



## HellCat

Dalton said:


> No punches pulled: I hate impulsivity. I don't just "hate" it, I actually _*hate*_ it. I do not want to see myself as impulsive! However, if I force myself to think of it, I start to notice how my desires and emotions instantly pull me, and how I attempt to repress it.
> 
> I don't allow myself to launch into _any_thing with the kind of vigor that you describe. When I do, it is because my conscious self (superego?) has lost control. Afterward, I often criticize myself for lack of self-control and wisdom. I am driven by Sx, yet I consider my drive to be bad, unrefined, imperfect, abominable.
> 
> The concept of yin & yang has strongly captured my interest lately. I guess this is true for anything that captures my interest, but I do hold myself back from even the seemingly harmless topic of yin & yang. This happens subconsciously, in fear that I might invest myself too fully into something that I might regret. It feels like a self-imposed prison, because without it, I would be in a constant flux from extreme pleasure to extreme pain. I rarely feel that pleasure is worth the price of pain.
> 
> You know you're an Sx 1 when you have thought that your own nature, complete with an impulsive drive for pleasure, is evil, and when you are in constant battle to quell the demon that is _yourself_.
> 
> There's a demon, and it's inside me. The pain I feel in admitting the demon's identity, is coupled with confusion. The demon is not inside me. The demon IS me.
> 
> No, the demon is not me -- _I_ am the demon. I am _a_ demon. I think of how a person who claims to be a demon would appear -- a person proud of their "evil", not actually _seeing_ himself as evil, but instead mocking the people who see him as such by adopting the title. Nobody sees himself as truly evil. I don't believe that is something that the human mind is capable of accepting. Perhaps people see themselves as evil according to _others' _beliefs, but according to their own, it is not possible to be evil.
> 
> By merely admitting that I'm a demon, I've shattered reality. I'm not actually a demon. I'm a person with psychological problems, just like every mediocre person in the world. I'm not exceptional. So, is all the effort I've put into maintaining my uprightness and my moral superiority a waste? Has a large part of my life been a waste? Will I be able to overcome this neurotic bullshit, or continue to waste? It was very hard to accept that I'm "neurotic". My _mother_ is neurotic, not me. _She's_ the one who freaks out about stupid bullshit, not me. I spent my whole life using her and others as symbols of imperfection, people who I should not emulate. Who is perfect? Why did I never have a role model as a child? Why did I never have a favorite celebrity? In 1st grade, why did I find so much trouble in determining my favorite _anything?_
> 
> It's because nothing is perfect, and despite my lifelong wish for it to be so, I will never find it. The amount of perfection that I want in my friends is impossible. Despite my possibly "social" exterior, I shield myself from others. Sure, I'm here to help a bit, but you can't help me. You'll never be able to provide the deep, intimate, lifelong bond that I need from friends, family, and lovers. Do I truly _need_ it? All I know is that my desire is so fucking strong that I can't imagine being happy with anything else. Even when I have "friends", I am lonely.
> 
> I _am_ an Sx-dom -- I just need an epiphany to remind myself how I am.
> 
> The sexual instinct is evil, yet I cannot be evil at any cost.



Its not evil! Its passion. Passion is not evil unless it hurts someone innocent, irreparably. 


The nice thing about realizing you are neurotic. Is you can train yourself and work on the fears causing the neurosis right? 


Though being an Sx1 sounds like a special kind of Hell, my condolences to you.


----------



## Distill

Dalton said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> No punches pulled: I hate impulsivity. I don't just "hate" it, I actually _*hate*_ it. I do not want to see myself as impulsive! However, if I force myself to think of it, I start to notice how my desires and emotions instantly pull me, and how I attempt to repress it.
> 
> I don't allow myself to launch into _any_thing with the kind of vigor that you describe. When I do, it is because my conscious self (superego?) has lost control. Afterward, I often criticize myself for lack of self-control and wisdom. I am driven by Sx, yet I consider my drive to be bad, unrefined, imperfect, abominable.
> 
> The concept of yin & yang has strongly captured my interest lately. I guess this is true for anything that captures my interest, but I do hold myself back from even the seemingly harmless topic of yin & yang. This happens subconsciously, in fear that I might invest myself too fully into something that I might regret. It feels like a self-imposed prison, because without it, I would be in a constant flux from extreme pleasure to extreme pain. I rarely feel that pleasure is worth the price of pain.
> 
> You know you're an Sx 1 when you have thought that your own nature, complete with an impulsive drive for pleasure, is evil, and when you are in constant battle to quell the demon that is _yourself_.
> 
> There's a demon, and it's inside me. The pain I feel in admitting the demon's identity, is coupled with confusion. The demon is not inside me. The demon IS me.
> 
> No, the demon is not me -- _I_ am the demon. I am _a_ demon. I think of how a person who claims to be a demon would appear -- a person proud of their "evil", not actually _seeing_ himself as evil, but instead mocking the people who see him as such by adopting the title. Nobody sees himself as truly evil. I don't believe that is something that the human mind is capable of accepting. Perhaps people see themselves as evil according to _others' _beliefs, but according to their own, it is not possible to be evil.
> 
> By merely admitting that I'm a demon, I've shattered reality. I'm not actually a demon. I'm a person with psychological problems, just like every mediocre person in the world. I'm not exceptional. So, is all the effort I've put into maintaining my uprightness and my moral superiority a waste? Has a large part of my life been a waste? Will I be able to overcome this neurotic bullshit, or continue to waste? It was very hard to accept that I'm "neurotic". My _mother_ is neurotic, not me. _She's_ the one who freaks out about stupid bullshit, not me. I spent my whole life using her and others as symbols of imperfection, people who I should not emulate. Who is perfect? Why did I never have a role model as a child? Why did I never have a favorite celebrity? In 1st grade, why did I find so much trouble in determining my favorite _anything?_
> 
> It's because nothing is perfect, and despite my lifelong wish for it to be so, I will never find it. The amount of perfection that I want in my friends is impossible. Despite my possibly "social" exterior, I shield myself from others. Sure, I'm here to help a bit, but you can't help me. You'll never be able to provide the deep, intimate, lifelong bond that I need from friends, family, and lovers. Do I truly _need_ it? All I know is that my desire is so fucking strong that I can't imagine being happy with anything else. Even when I have "friends", I am lonely.
> 
> I _am_ an Sx-dom -- I just need an epiphany to remind myself how I am.
> 
> The sexual instinct is evil, yet I cannot be evil at any cost.



In regards to the milkiest milk...full fat or bust, right? Right?

I've had a somewhat similar experience (oh hai 1-wing and very sp parents who are somewhat disapproving of impulsivity) in my life - I feel a bit more comfortable these days, but I still feel pretty caged and generally feel like indulging in my sx side too much will just end up sidetracking me from whatever purpose it is I have in life. I learned to tone down my sx-ness in the public domain over the years because it seemed to wear on people, so I figured "well, if I stay like this, no one will ever want to connect with me". It does bleed out into other things (music/food/contact sports even though I'm a lightweight for a rugby player).

Ultimately, we're human. Interestingly, thinking about it now, there is a desire in both 1 and 9 to transcend humanity. 9 distances itself from being human and truly engaged with life, whereas 1 strives for a somewhat inhuman perfection (please correct me if that's bollocks). It's a long road to excise the values lodged in our subconscious that we don't actually want and to be less inclined to label things as 'good' and 'bad', but just acknowledging these aspects is important. And yes, I wish wish wish I could be a recluse and happy just ticking along on my own doing my own thing and not have to care about anything but...nahp. Can't do it. Stupid instincts.

Which aspects of the sx instinct do you find to be evil out of interest?


----------



## kaleidoscope

Dalton said:


> I'm almost sure that I'm Sx/So, yet I only relate to half of the posts in this thread, and even a lot of those are still a stretch. Perhaps, if your explanation is accurate (and I relate to what you said about Sx/So), it explains why I have that problem.
> 
> If I'm going to put this entire thread in caricature, this is what I see:
> I'm _so_ intense. Look at all these bat-shit crazy things I do. I don't even think before doing things. If I get an impulse, I follow it, I follow hard, and it's awesome. I put my life on the line for these thrills, and it's worth it. Fuck yeah. Oh, and don't even tell me about the "fine details". It's all-or-nothing. If I'm going to drink a glass of milk, it's going to be the BIGGEST, MILKIEST glass of milk EVER, so much that people will stare in terror as they say, "Holy fuck, how are you even drinking that?" There's no such thing as "the perfect amount". WTF, are you crazy? What does 'quality' even _mean? _If I'm putting mustard on my hot dog, I'm lubing every single part of it, with even more to spare slathered on the bun. You're living a shitty life, if all you do is a 'tasteful' thin line across the top.
> 
> I really don't understand what a lot of you mean by "intensity". Perhaps the best way to describe my interpretation of intensity (or at least its popular use in this thread) is "overbearing". For me, intensity is derived from the _quality_ of the stimulus, not the quantity. I don't push limits for its own sake. Either _I'm_ not Sx, or a lot of the people in the thread don't understand the meaning of it.
> 
> If anybody thinks that I'm not Sx, I honestly want to know.


HAHAHAHA I laughed so hard at this. I often feel this way reading some of the posts here. :laughing:

I actually cringe at the thought of calling myself intense. It's like.. how can you even tell that you're intense? Isn't that a) dependent on the other person and what their threshold of intensity is like and b) something you're not even supposed to notice because to you, that's NORMAL or the baseline? It's like calling yourself crazy. No one does that. 

I guess the only way I would say I'm intense is emotionally, and not in an especially attractive way? I mean, some are drawn to it, but that whole association of Sx = intensity is just plain annoying to me.


----------



## HellCat

It is an adjective. That is all.

Using it or not using it does not make you one thing or another. Its a description of someones state of mind.

But I will say that making fun of someones state of mind and adjective they choose to describe it.. is immature and I think seems to be bred out of insecurity and being wishy washy personally, self deprecating to fit in, get someones approval? why ever the hell they do it. 

Especially considering some of the "intense" posts from the people mocking it in the past. 

This self deprecating attempt at humor which is just catty mockery does not make you the least bit better than the ones honest with who they are and how they see the world. 

It just makes you stand out as so insecure you are uncomfortable with simple adjectives and so catty you have to mock other peoples passionate posts..where they are actually having fun indulging in who they are and their view of the world. 


Also if you read the link "sx is described as a hungry ghost" If thats not intense I don't know what fucking is. 

I don't care to debate this but seriously. Find a fucking hobby other than making fun of people with the guts to post how they feel and what they lust after. Its pathetic in its striving to stand apart, looking down on people in a fucking thread meant for commiseration and be seen as a special snowflake by mocking and looking down on others. 

You got it. You're special and very with it, by not using a certain adjective to describe yourself. Now stop talking, its a buzzkill. 




in·tense
inˈtens/
_adjective_
adjective: *intense*; comparative adjective: *intenser*; superlative adjective: *intensest*


*1*. 
of extreme force, degree, or strength.
"the job demands intense concentration"

synonyms:extreme, great, acute, fierce, severe, high; Moreexceptional, extraordinary; 
harsh, strong, powerful, potent, overpowering, vigorous; 
_informalserious _
_"intense heat"_


antonyms:mild

(of an action) highly concentrated.
"a phase of intense activity"

synonyms:extreme, great, acute, fierce, severe, high; Moreexceptional, extraordinary; 
harsh, strong, powerful, potent, overpowering, vigorous; 
_informalserious _
_"intense heat"_


antonyms:mild


*2*. 
having or showing strong feelings or opinions; extremely earnest or serious.
"an intense young woman, passionate about her art"

synonyms:passionate, impassioned, ardent, fervent, zealous, vehement, fiery, emotional;


----------



## Dalton

LeoCat said:


> Its not evil! Its passion.


To be clear, I don't think that it's evil; I _feel_ that it's evil.



Distill said:


> It's a long road to excise the values lodged in our subconscious that we don't actually want and to be less inclined to label things as 'good' and 'bad', but just acknowledging these aspects is important. And yes, I wish wish wish I could be a recluse and happy just ticking along on my own doing my own thing and not have to care about anything but...nahp. Can't do it. Stupid instincts.
> 
> Which aspects of the sx instinct do you find to be evil out of interest?


High energy, need for excitement, constant unbridled desire, always wanting, never feeling fulfilled, obsession.



LeoCat said:


> It is an adjective. That is all.
> 
> Using it or not using it does not make you one thing or another. Its a description of someones state of mind.
> 
> But I will say that making fun of someones state of mind and adjective they choose to describe it.. is immature and I think seems to be bred out of insecurity and being wishy washy personally, *self deprecating to fit in*, get someones approval? why ever the hell they do it.


Is this post in reply to me? I cannot tell, because you don't quote or mention anybody in this post. Anyway, because it really doesn't look like you're talking to anybody else, I'll assume it was directed at me.

I was definitely not attempting to ingratiate myself.



> Especially considering some of the "intense" posts from the people mocking it in the past.


I am an individual. I answer for my own behavior, not others. Don't cast your grudge against their actions on me.



> This self deprecating attempt at humor which is just catty mockery does not make you the least bit better than the ones honest with who they are and how they see the world.


It was an attempt to seek truth. I used obvious hyperbole so that others might understand my confusion. My motivation was never to be better than other people. I want to be better than myself. I'm not a bully.



> It just makes you stand out as so insecure you are uncomfortable with simple adjectives and so catty you have to mock other peoples passionate posts..where they are actually having fun indulging in who they are and their view of the world.


I misunderstood the thread title as saying, "You know you're not an Sx-dom if you don't do this." I don't know whether anybody is dramatizing their posts in this thread. Because of the huge difference between myself and a lot of these posts, I've tried to determine whether they are truly honest.



> Also if you read the link "sx is described as a hungry ghost" If thats not intense I don't know what fucking is.


You didn't give a link, but I searched that phrase and found this:


> Flow #1
> sp/so (animals) = practical cooperation (honoring the land and the work of the harvest)
> so/sx (humans) = multipronged/multichannel attraction (the festival of the four corners of the earth)
> *sx/sp (hungry ghosts)* = urgent bonding (the huddle of the seekers/searchers)
> -Acting upon and with others as a born insider (i.e.- deeply human)
> 
> 
> Flow #2
> *sx/so (gods)* = cultural revolutionary (directional shift in popular culture/the arts/the cultural zeitgeist)
> so/sp (titans) = culture warrior (shift by force and principle, the lightning of God)
> sp/sx (hell) = anti-cultural solipsism (the counterculture, disease, underbelly exposure, the fermenting underground)
> -Seething belligerent outsiders; 'antisocial', provoking, reverse-flow change catalysts. In some profound sense, rejecting the human condition...their own and/or that of others.
> Source: The Enneagram Institute Discussion Board - Another stacking thing: flo-jo


I believe that gods, titans, and hell are more intense than hungry ghosts. By the way, this list is pretentious bullshit. I'm not a god, and I don't want to be one.



> I don't care to debate this but seriously. Find a fucking hobby other than making fun of people with the guts to post how they feel and what they lust after. Its pathetic in its striving to stand apart, looking down on people in a fucking thread meant for commiseration and be seen as a special snowflake by mocking and looking down on others.


I never call a person wrong for sharing their experiences. I don't step on people to elevate myself. If I really wanted to be a special snowflake, I'd latch onto the title of "sx/so god" in an instant.



> You got it. You're special and very with it, by not using a certain adjective to describe yourself. *Now stop talking*, its a buzzkill.


If you're going to insult me, at least allow me the right to defend myself.



> in·tense
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> inˈtens/
> _adjective_
> adjective: *intense*; comparative adjective: *intenser*; superlative adjective: *intensest*
> 
> 
> *1*.
> of extreme force, degree, or strength.
> "the job demands intense concentration"
> 
> synonyms:extreme, great, acute, fierce, severe, high; Moreexceptional, extraordinary;
> harsh, strong, powerful, potent, overpowering, vigorous;
> _informalserious _
> _"intense heat"_
> 
> 
> antonyms:mild
> 
> (of an action) highly concentrated.
> "a phase of intense activity"
> 
> synonyms:extreme, great, acute, fierce, severe, high; Moreexceptional, extraordinary;
> harsh, strong, powerful, potent, overpowering, vigorous;
> _informalserious _
> _"intense heat"_
> 
> 
> antonyms:mild
> 
> 
> *2*.
> having or showing strong feelings or opinions; extremely earnest or serious.
> "an intense young woman, passionate about her art"
> 
> synonyms:passionate, impassioned, ardent, fervent, zealous, vehement, fiery, emotional;


You accuse me of rudeness and wanting to be special, yet you don't see your own hypocrisy which fills your entire post.

I never insulted anybody. Why do you feel the need to insult me?

*EDIT:* Oops. LeoCat's post was not about me.


----------



## HellCat

Dalton said:


> To be clear, I don't think that it's evil; I _feel_ that it's evil.
> 
> 
> High energy, need for excitement, constant unbridled desire, always wanting, never feeling fulfilled, obsession.
> 
> 
> Is this post in reply to me? I cannot tell, because you don't quote or mention anybody in this post. Anyway, because it really doesn't look like you're talking to anybody else, I'll assume it was directed at me.
> 
> I was definitely not attempting to ingratiate myself.
> 
> 
> I am an individual. I answer for my own behavior, not others. Don't cast your grudge against their actions on me.
> 
> 
> It was an attempt to seek truth. I used obvious hyperbole so that others might understand my confusion. My motivation was never to be better than other people. I want to be better than myself. I'm not a bully.
> 
> 
> I misunderstood the thread title as saying, "You know you're not an Sx-dom if you don't do this." I don't know whether anybody is dramatizing their posts in this thread. Because of the huge difference between myself and a lot of these posts, I've tried to determine whether they are truly honest.
> 
> 
> You didn't give a link, but I searched that phrase and found this:
> 
> I believe that gods, titans, and hell are more intense than hungry ghosts. By the way, this list is pretentious bullshit. I'm not a god, and I don't want to be one.
> 
> 
> I never call a person wrong for sharing their experiences. I don't step on people to elevate myself. If I really wanted to be a special snowflake, I'd latch onto the title of "sx/so god" in an instant.
> 
> 
> If you're going to insult me, at least allow me the right to defend myself.
> 
> You accuse me of rudeness and wanting to be special, yet you don't see your own hypocrisy which fills your entire post.
> 
> I never insulted anybody. Why do you feel the need to insult me?


Wasn't about you.

It was regarding the passive aggressive comments meant to ingratiate or criticize.


I cannot stand people without convictions who act petty and criticize those who accept themselves for what they are. I think the ones making those comments in this thread and others on the forum, lack self awareness and are likely So Dom. 

I would hate to see someone with passion like Superfluous or animal who make art for a living and breathe life and spirit back into the world for instance, be criticized and then have some of their fire wane from it. Its bullying. To criticize someone for their world view in that way. 

It pisses me off when people do that. "Not" you dalton. 

I think great passions and intensity in people breathe spirit into performance, art, writing, music and it should be celebrated instead of criticized by petty people who lack their own personal conviction so feel it pertinent to snark about those who embrace who they are.

What do you think @Daleks_exterminate @_Animal_


----------



## Dalton

LeoCat said:


> Wasn't about you.


In that case, I apologize, but then what was it actually about?


----------



## HellCat

Dalton said:


> In that case, I apologize, but then what was it actually about?


Comments going on in this thread and in other places on the forum that have been steadily pissing me off. 

I go nuts when I see someone criticizing someones self acceptance and passions. I think its cowardly. 


I also only quote people, when I like them and want to talk to them.

This is more of an open rant to anyone doing it not just one person.

That mean girl behaviour of oh your passionate, eccentric, take something seriously the rest of us are too shallow to care about.. belongs in jr high.

I think adults should be a little more encouraging and less debasing of others. It flips me out. 

I am known to even yell at people in public for it sometimes.


----------



## Animal

@LeoCat
I've been criticized all my life and none of it has taken away from how passionate I am. Passion isn't a lifestyle choice for me... it's written into my fabric. Of course it waxes and wanes. Sometimes I wish it would wane more than it does. I treasure my periods of detachment. :/


----------



## Flatlander

kaleidoscope said:


> HAHAHAHA I laughed so hard at this. I often feel this way reading some of the posts here. :laughing:
> 
> I actually cringe at the thought of calling myself intense. It's like.. how can you even tell that you're intense? Isn't that a) dependent on the other person and what their threshold of intensity is like


No, it's dependent on how you rationalize intensity. You seem to be saying that you rationalize it through the perception of others, and that is one particular way of looking at it.



> and b) something you're not even supposed to notice because to you, that's NORMAL or the baseline?


Or, something you notice in comparing yourself to a baseline, often in others, potentially in yourself at other times of your life.



> It's like calling yourself crazy. No one does that.


It's not illegitimate to call yourself intense. It's also not illegitimate to call yourself crazy, or any of that stuff. It depends on how you see yourself, and what you see as "normal" (not crazy, not intense, whatever).



> I guess the only way I would say I'm intense is emotionally, and not in an especially attractive way? I mean, some are drawn to it, but that whole association of Sx = intensity is just plain annoying to me.


You're probably never going to change people's minds on this front, because a lot of people equate things via their experience. This thread really isn't about theory. 

My own experience is that I get into very intense situations and have all my life, driven by my sx. And yes, I get obsessed with, in a way possessed by, my sx targets. So I can't say that it's _wrong_ to think sx carries that element, either. The disambiguating question is whether sp and so doms are wont to experience the same intensity, over their respective neuroses or neurotic targets. And personally, I'd say that is quite plausible, at least for some.


----------



## kaleidoscope

Dalton said:


> In that case, I apologize, but then what was it actually about?


Oh, that was in response to my comment on your glass of milk post (I'm sure if I was the one to initially post that, it would be taken as mockery & bullying). Once again, things I say are interpreted in the worst way possible, but I'm sorry you thought it was about you. It's a very unpleasant feeling, for sure.


----------



## kaleidoscope

Flatlander said:


> No, it's dependent on how you rationalize intensity. You seem to be saying that you rationalize it through the perception of others, and that is one particular way of looking at it.


Yes, that's my point of view.



> Or, something you notice in comparing yourself to a baseline, often in others, potentially in yourself at other times of your life.


I'm not sure there is a baseline. Some people are intense in some ways and not in others. My mother, for instance, can be described as really intense when it comes to matters of perfectionism & cleaning. But definitely not intense in the way people in this thread are. 



> It's not illegitimate to call yourself intense. It's also not illegitimate to call yourself crazy, or any of that stuff. It depends on how you see yourself, and what you see as "normal" (not crazy, not intense, whatever).


Yes, like you say, it depends on perspective. I've always had the tendency to see myself as normal/the baseline, and others as more or less compared to that. My only issue with people doing otherwise is that more withdrawn types will have issues identifying with the stuff that's posted here. Because they don't see themselves as lusty or intense. They don't have to, to be Sx-dons. 



> You're probably never going to change people's minds on this front, because a lot of people equate things via their experience. This thread really isn't about theory.


Wasn't trying to change anyone's mind. I was posting my opinion.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

LeoCat said:


> Wasn't about you.
> 
> It was regarding the passive aggressive comments meant to ingratiate or criticize.


Isn't it also a bit passive aggressive to "call people out" without mentioning them? At least it can be confusing.


----------



## HellCat

Kink said:


> Isn't it also a bit passive aggressive to "call people out" without mentioning them? At least it can be confusing.


 Passive aggressive no. more like educational. If I wanted to call them out I would. I think if someone is passive aggressive and being provocative for attention they know their motivation. Except poor Dalton. Hes just got a good heart and doesn't want to be misconstrued.

Snarky comments are passive aggressive. My rant wasn't, that is the last thing someone would ever call me. 


Regardless I am not discussing this further. I was just sharing my opinion on the posturing.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

LeoCat said:


> Regardless I am not discussing this further. I was just sharing my opinion on the posturing.


Ok, I'm just saying it doesn't seem much better to me. Sharing my opinion as well I suppose.


----------



## mimesis

kaleidoscope said:


> I'm not sure there is a baseline. Some people are intense in some ways and not in others. My mother, for instance, can be described as really intense when it comes to matters of perfectionism & cleaning. But definitely not intense in the way people in this thread are.


Then you mean your mother's perfectionism is experienced as intense by you, (for instance because it makes you feel under a strain of high expectations/ standards). Or you could say the perfectionism or cleaning is 'intensive' in the effort seeking perfection or for the sake of cleanliness, rather than seeking intensity for its own sake, which I think is what makes Sx tick.


----------



## mimesis

Dalton said:


> No punches pulled: I hate impulsivity. I don't just "hate" it, I actually _*hate*_ it. I do not want to see myself as impulsive! However, if I force myself to think of it, I start to notice how my desires and emotions instantly pull me, and how I attempt to repress it.
> 
> I don't allow myself to launch into _any_thing with the kind of vigor that you describe. When I do, it is because my conscious self (superego?) has lost control. Afterward, I often criticize myself for lack of self-control and wisdom. I am driven by Sx, yet I consider my drive to be bad, unrefined, imperfect, abominable.
> 
> The concept of yin & yang has strongly captured my interest lately. I guess this is true for anything that captures my interest, but I do hold myself back from even the seemingly harmless topic of yin & yang. This happens subconsciously, in fear that I might invest myself too fully into something that I might regret. It feels like a self-imposed prison, because without it, I would be in a constant flux from extreme pleasure to extreme pain. I rarely feel that pleasure is worth the price of pain.
> 
> You know you're an Sx 1 when you have thought that your own nature, complete with an impulsive drive for pleasure, is evil, and when you are in constant battle to quell the demon that is _yourself_.
> 
> There's a demon, and it's inside me. The pain I feel in admitting the demon's identity, is coupled with confusion. The demon is not inside me. The demon IS me.
> 
> No, the demon is not me -- _I_ am the demon. I am _a_ demon. I think of how a person who claims to be a demon would appear -- a person proud of their "evil", not actually _seeing_ himself as evil, but instead mocking the people who see him as such by adopting the title. Nobody sees himself as truly evil. I don't believe that is something that the human mind is capable of accepting. Perhaps people see themselves as evil according to _others' _beliefs, but according to their own, it is not possible to be evil.
> 
> By merely admitting that I'm a demon, I've shattered reality. I'm not actually a demon. I'm a person with psychological problems, just like every mediocre person in the world. I'm not exceptional. So, is all the effort I've put into maintaining my uprightness and my moral superiority a waste? Has a large part of my life been a waste? Will I be able to overcome this neurotic bullshit, or continue to waste? It was very hard to accept that I'm "neurotic". My _mother_ is neurotic, not me. _She's_ the one who freaks out about stupid bullshit, not me. I spent my whole life using her and others as symbols of imperfection, people who I should not emulate. Who is perfect? Why did I never have a role model as a child? Why did I never have a favorite celebrity? In 1st grade, why did I find so much trouble in determining my favorite _anything?_
> 
> It's because nothing is perfect, and despite my lifelong wish for it to be so, I will never find it. The amount of perfection that I want in my friends is impossible. Despite my possibly "social" exterior, I shield myself from others. Sure, I'm here to help a bit, but you can't help me. You'll never be able to provide the deep, intimate, lifelong bond that I need from friends, family, and lovers. Do I truly _need_ it? All I know is that my desire is so fucking strong that I can't imagine being happy with anything else. Even when I have "friends", I am lonely.
> 
> I _am_ an Sx-dom -- I just need an epiphany to remind myself how I am.
> 
> The sexual instinct is evil, yet I cannot be evil at any cost.


What you write appears more like Sp preoccupation to me. You even seem to view your Sx drives as a potential threat to compromise Sp interest. The fact that you fear being overwhelmed by Sx urges and feel you need to contain it, doesn't make Sx dominant. When you say you need a deep lifelong bond with friends, family and lovers you are describing not so much a need for intimacy, but a need for security and belonging. Which is fine. You don't need to be Sx dom to desire intimacy. I don't think Sx is even primarily concerned about security or needs a bond to be intimate, it's just seeks the connection in the moment, for as long as its intensity lasts. Just like, if you compare it with Sx instinct directed to for instance music or knowledge, it's not concerned with securing long term affiliation.


----------



## Sina

@_mimesis_


> I don't Sx is primarily concerned about security or needs a bond to be intimate, it's just seeks the connection in the moment, for as long as its intensity lasts.


Indeed. A lot of people get this wrong about Sx.
@_Dalton_

Many people don't grasp what Sx is and do associate superficial bullshit with it, which they then feel the need to get braggy about. It is pretty lame. However, a person who is genuinely intense, Sx dom or not, will come across that way. Strong Sx seconds can also be very thrill seeking etc. 
@_Animal_

I couldn't agree more. I've also been criticized, derided and even feared for my passion. It either attracts or repulses people, with very few in betweens. It impresses some and draws them to me, others are repulsed out of fear or confusion or just being way too accustomed to living in a world where people are practically conditioned to neutralize and cauterize themselves, diminish themselves, make themselves small to not catch ire or attention. I can't imagine living this way. 

I have always had a polarizing presence lol.


As you said, passion isn't a lifestyle choice. It's who I am. That shit isn't about to change, ever.  As for "intense", it doesn't even - begin - to describe how I seethe and burn, the unquenchable fires I contain. "Intense" is the barest of descriptors.


----------



## kaleidoscope

mimesis said:


> Then you mean your mother's perfectionism is experienced as intense by you, (for instance because it makes you feel under a strain of high expectations/ standards). Or you could say the perfectionism or cleaning is 'intensive' in the effort seeking perfection or for the sake of cleanliness, rather than seeking intensity for its own sake, which I think is what makes Sx tick.


Yeah, that's what I meant, I was highlighting the difference between different types of intensity. Her intensity is extremely different from what is meant by Sx intensity. Just saying that people can be considered or described as intense for different reasons.


----------



## Superfluous

Someone intended to insult me earlier. So here is a whispered monolgue from me, sitting on my motorcycle, perched on a windy cliff, gazing into the endless, vigorous sea

Time..... is fleeting...
this moment.. is being captured... by another moment.. 
Babies cry with an imperishable thirst..
Oldies die.. at last, wishing all along.. they were first..
In this game.. this journey.. 
i think there is.. more meaning in life... than calling.. incredibly adorable people.. broody.. and pretentious..


* *


----------



## Dalton

mimesis said:


> What you write appears more like Sp preoccupation to me. You even seem to view your Sx drives as a potential threat to compromise Sp interest. The fact that you fear being overwhelmed by Sx urges and feel you need to contain it, doesn't make Sx dominant. When you say you need a deep lifelong bond with friends, family and lovers you are describing not so much a need for intimacy, but a need for security and belonging. Which is fine. You don't need to be Sx dom to desire intimacy. I don't think Sx is even primarily concerned about security or needs a bond to be intimate, it's just seeks the connection in the moment, for as long as its intensity lasts. Just like, if you compare it with Sx instinct directed to for instance music or knowledge, it's not concerned with securing long term affiliation.


All the (stereotypical) interests of Sp seem passionless to me. I would never introduce health & finances into a conversation. At least in the ways I've seen it described, Sp does not describe me at all. I have a body like a toothpick because I forget to eat, or ignore my hunger because there's nothing interesting to eat. I can't exercise because I don't give a rat's ass about my fitness except to remain at the basic level of vital, functional, and attractive enough to pull people. I struggle to have the motivation to attend to that part of my life.

I think you're confusing the self-control of type 1 with that of the self-preservation instinct.


----------



## kaleidoscope

^ I actually did interpret Dalton's struggle with Sx urges as more of a core 1 thing than an Sp thing. I'm really interested in differentiating the two. Thoughts, @mimesis and @Naqsh? Naqsh, your ex was an Sx 1 right? Did he ever strive to 'contain' his Sx?


----------



## mimesis

Dalton said:


> All the (stereotypical) interests of Sp seem passionless to me. I would never introduce health & finances into a conversation. At least in the ways I've seen it described, Sp does not describe me at all. I have a body like a toothpick because I forget to eat, or ignore my hunger because there's nothing interesting to eat. I can't exercise because I don't give a rat's ass about my fitness except to remain at the basic level of vital, functional, and attractive enough to pull people. I struggle to have the motivation to attend to that part of my life.
> 
> I think you're confusing the self-control of type 1 with that of the self-preservation instinct.


Type 1 has a disposition for Sp's self containment /control, that's correct. For instance in the repression of anger. I noticed you describe Sx much from a Sp perspective, not from an Sx perspective. You even dissociate from that part, by talking about it in third person (demon). I just look to localize center of consciousness.


----------



## Distill

mimesis said:


> Type 1 has a disposition for Sp's self containment /control, that's correct. For instance in the repression of anger. I noticed you describe Sx much from a Sp perspective, not from an Sx perspective. You even dissociate from that part, by talking about it in third person (demon). I just look to localize center of consciousness.


Perhaps, but if you view it as something you want to distance yourself from, then you're more likely to talk about it in somewhat depersonalised terms? We all do it with things we dislike about ourselves, even if they are part of what make us us, it's human nature, especially when we see the disparities between what we perceive ourselves to be and who we want to be.


----------



## 7rr7s

@_Rustler_ I don't think caring what people think about you and being passionate are necessarily related. The point is to not care what others think about you, which is easier said than done at times. As for dulling out your passion or being wishy washy, just think of it like throwing gasoline on the fire to keep it from going out. Decide every morning when you wake up to be passionate, enthusiastic, and excited for life. Do that for a week without worrying about what people are going to think of you. Stop asking for permission to be yourself and doing what you like. 

Also, being Sx is not all great either. The dark side of Sx can manifest in reckless impulsiveness, addictions, obsessions, and other things that are not good. Not to mention feeling like you have to tone it down with most people. I'll get to that later though. Just know that it's not all sunshine and roses. Nothing ever is.

@_Dalton_ Lmao nice caricature. Although I don't think it was _intense_ enough for this thread.  You raise an interesting point about the quality of something versus the quantity. Sure I'd rather enjoy 5 star, Level 10, Top Notch experiences rather than a bunch of forgettable ones. A memorable sunset for instance would never compete with a bunch of different sunsets because the emotional quality of the one that makes it memorable takes precedence. I think Sx can manifest itself in different ways in different people. 

As far as seeing Sx as evil, I think you're allowing your perceptions to fuck with you a little bit. It's like they say, "what you resist will persist." The things you listed like "the impulsive drive for pleasure" or "unbridled desire"for example is not in itself evil. It's your actions that make something evil and even that is subject to interpretation. Desire, passion, lusts, they are natural parts of being human. It's up to the individual to determine how they act on those. Or like how you view "always wanting" as evil. I see it as a sign of being alive. I look at it like a hunger. You can gorge yourself or you can starve yourself but either way you will still be hungry in a few hours. To deny that hunger in yourself is to deny a natural part of yourself. And there's demons in all of us. The more we can get in touch with our dark side the better we can keep those "evil" urges in check and channel them in healthy ways. 

One last thing, the way you talked about health and finances I found interesting, about how you wouldn't bring it up in conversation based on how you've heard it described. However, you took it in a completely different direction than I would have. When I think of health and finances I think of intense workouts to look good and challenge myself, and risk management, investment strategies, and ways to create more cashflow. I'm not really sure what that says about you or me though. Probably type related. 

@_kaleidoscope_ With regards to being intense and all that, yeah everyone can be a little intense at times. I don't think it's a black and white thing. I can't speak for others, but if I call myself intense it's because people have called me that numerous times on different occasions. Family, friends, lovers, coworkers ect. It's not a special snowflake look at me I'm more intense than you thing. It's a spectrum, but based on my own experience and by what others have told me I'm probably not on the low end of it. And like @_LeoCat_ said it's just an adjective after all. 

Like I said above, it's not all sunshine and roses though. It makes me feel isolated at times because some people can't relate to it, or some people are scared or intimidated by it. And it can be really emotionally painful and draining at times. Also, submitting to every impulsive drive for pleasure is probably going to decrease your life span somewhat. I think there is a tendency to romanticize The Sexual Instinct and I think that sort of thinking is dangerous and does no one any good. Like you said too about withdrawn types not seeing themselves as Sx because they are not intense or lusty or whatever. That does a disservice to them. But then again, that's not really my problem. Everyone is on their own journey to discovering themselves and if they relate to things in this thread fine, and if not, fine again. 

*
Which brings me to my final point:*

This thread is half serious half tongue in cheek, but mostly it was created for people to have fun and relate to experiences of one another. If you think it's a giant pretentious circle jerk, you are taking it too seriously. If you are doubting if you are even Sx from reading this thread, you are taking it too seriously. 

At the same time, like @_Animal_, @_Naqsh_, @_LeoCat_ and others have said so eloquently, passion is not a choice. It's not a goddamn walk in the park. It's a lifestyle. Call it being passionate, being on fire, being INTENSE, whatever you want to call it. I know it when I see it and I see it in the many beautiful posts from members in this thread. One of the other reasons why it may be over the top to some, or seem even exaggerated, is that people who post these powerful posts are not afraid of showing their passionate side, their vulnerabilities, fears, aches, ect. I commend them for that. I want people to continue to feel okay expressing that part of themselves in this thread. 

This also goes back to what I said about having to tone it down. If I talked like this all the time to everyone I meet, they would probably think I am fucking insane. The fact that people still think of some of the stuff here as one giant pretentious caricature is proof of that. But this isn't a fucking pissing contest. It's not a who is the most intense Sx person to ever exist sort of deal. And it pisses me off that every time there is a thread where people are expressing something deeply personal to them, someone has to come and piss all over it, and say they're trying to be a special snowflake about it. The same thing happened in Animal's thread a couple months back and it's starting to happen here. That is not what this thread is about. People should feel comfortable posting here no matter where they fall on the Sx spectrum. 

If anyone would like to make a separate thread discussing Sx more in depth I encourage you to do so. Like I've said before, this forum is what you make it and no one's stopping you from making it better. Moving forward if anyone has issues with other members or myself on here, take it to PM. If anyone wants to know more about their type, make a type me thread. Stop derailing this thread with bullshit. Thanks.


----------



## Sina

Excellent post @_KindOfBlue06_

About the dark side of Sx, about how isolating and even painful it can be, how intense is just a descriptor and not necessarily some affected status symbol, how derogatory it is to diminish people's experiences and so on. I have strong Sx, and I empathize. That and geez people learn to take a fuckin joke. Getting panties in a twist and shit over one word. 

Also Te/naqsh points for re-railing it. I like OPs who take charge of the directions their threads take. Kindred spirits, baby, on more than one point.  

___________________________
@_kaleidoscope_

I agree about different types of intensity. @_mushr00m_ talked about that once on the mistype thread I think when she was considering Sp/Sx. Intensity =/= to Sx dominance, if so I'd be some kind of Sx dom uber exemplar. Only 1 person, in all the years I've been here, and, one of 2 or so people in all nearly 26 years of my existence, matches and outmatches my intensity. And, this person is an So/Sx to the fuckin T. I am talking about @_KINGoftheAMAZONS_. 

Intensity arises out of myriad passions, tendencies, proclivities and more. An So/Sp or Sp/So can also be rather "intense" in areas that trigger them, enthuse them and more. So, that's an excellent point. 

As for my ex, he didn't really speak or think in terms of Enneagram concepts, but yes the self-containment of Type 1 also applies to and manifests as a distortion in Sx as not just overdoing it but also excessive restraint out of guilt. He was extremely impulsive, debaucherous, excessive and obsessive, to a destructive extent, when he was unhealthy, and he could also be very self-denying of Sx out of guilt and anger, again when he was *unhealthy*. Theoretically, one would see both manifestations in Sx 1s. In general, he didn't hold back or think of passion in negative terms or try to conserve energy in an Sp manner etc. He was very typically Sp last, and thank you for helping me see he was Sp last a long time back when I was learning instincts better. What you said just *clicked*, and it all fell into place. It helped me understand him so much better. Sp lasts and Sp firsts...yeah shit can get tricky lol.

___________________________________
@_Dalton_

I haven't read your posts about your experiences and haven't a clue on your variants anyway, but I will comment on the typing by what people talk about method. That's just hogwash. 

Different people hold different types of conversations. With some friends, it's all about boyz and sex and relationships. With others, I talk more money and investments and/or politics and music and sex (I talk about relationships and sex a lot, and it's kinda stifling for me not to, but I keep that shit to myself with some friends who are just kinda shy or too private or whatever lol). With some, it's a mix. I will say that unless going through a particularly distressing time, I don't talk much about health and rarely if ever finances etc. @_Paradigm_ recently brought up that I barely talk about day to day stuff, my professional life etc. My conversation topics would be Sx>So>Sp in that order a lot of the time, if I broke them down for shits and giggles. I am sp/sx, as you might know. 

There was a thread kalei started about forum or general gossip and instincts, and I loved how So dom after So dom dropped in and said it was a waste of their time. I, personally, know So doms on this forum who are completely disconnected with what goes on here because it's of no goddamn use to them. KoA and @_Grau the Great_ are among the least interested in forum gossip, of nearly everyone I know. They don't know and couldn't give less of a fuck if they tried. Yet, it's some kind of SO "tell"/ These are all just oversimplifications and stereotypes, same as with conversation topics typing. With Some So doms, politics and history is at the centre of several conversations, and there are others I know who completely avoid these topics or find them boring. 

Oh ..a thought: I'd say people can talk a lot about their secondary instinct related things because that's the spot they indulge. None of this should be used as a typing tool, though.


----------



## Animal

@_KindOfBlue06_, @_kaleidoscope_, @_Naqsh, _- good points on intensity coming in different forms. My friend who is a So/Sp 1w9 is extraordinarily intense in any kind of arguments about principle or politics.. puts my roar to shame. I am, arguably, more openly and regularly emotionally expressive, but on the rare occasions when she indulges emotion, cries, or hurts.. it is beyond intense. Since it's not something she wears on her sleeve every day, it comes out in spades. Overall, I would not - in any context - call myself "a more intense person" than she.


----------



## hal0hal0

KindOfBlue06 said:


> As for dulling out your passion or being wishy washy, just think of it like throwing gasoline on the fire to keep it from going out.


I read this line and instantly thought of "putting out the fire... with... 
*GASOLINE!!!!!*"






^that song seems pretty Sx to me. great post, though.


----------



## HellCat

When pulling anything out of an Sp dom makes you want to rip your goddamned hair out and beat them with sticks.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

LeoCat said:


> When pulling anything out of an Sp dom makes you want to rip your goddamned hair out and beat them with sticks.


Oooh. You can beat me with sticks. ;D


----------



## HellCat

Daleks_exterminate said:


> Oooh. You can beat me with sticks. ;D


Nah you would be madly in love, following me around like a lost kitten and I am not into girls. It would get messy. But I would love to talk to you on skype! 

Only person I know deserves a beating from me thats both highly aroused and angry. Grr He does it on purpose too.


----------



## Distill

I'm going to write a dangerously sp post here about food/drink. Because food is both literally and metaphorically what keeps me going.


- I have a pretty sp-ish response to hunger including anger, headaches, bloating, and nausea. That said, I really dislike eating food because I have to. Bland sandwiches make me sad. You know the sad Keanu meme? That's not actually Keanu, that's me eating a bland sandwich.

- I don't constantly overeat because of eating, I do it because I don't want the flavour to end.

- I have licked plates in public.

- Whatever the recipe says, use AT LEAST double the amount of garlic specified. There is no such thing as 'too much garlic'.

- I put fish sauce in almost everything savoury that I cook because MORE UMAMI (I'm a total umamus).

- Caponata. I strive to strike a fine balance between sweet, sour, salty, and hot, but first and foremost the flavour has to punch you in the face.

- When I get home at 8pm and the food I want takes 3 hours to cook, I am not compromising, I will eat at 11pm because nothing else will do.

- I'd rather take an hour to reduce whatever it is that I'm cooking than to eat it before the sauce is strong enough.

- Worcestershire sauce.

- Mild cheese can fuck off.

- I don't care how thirsty it makes me, I never leave a good ramen broth unfinished.

- It's a hot summer day and I meet a friend in a pub/bar for a drink. Whilst the Jasmine IPA is admittedly tasty, I plump for the thick, toasty 10 % Imperial stout because light and refreshing isn't really me.


* *
















- I don't drink coffee because I need the caffeine, I drink it because it's delicious and because the aroma first thing in the morning is the best. I'd also rather go without than have a watery cup of coffee. That's just wrong. Also, when I'm buying my beans, as much as can appreciate the lighter floral stuff, it just doesn't smack you in the same way that something full bodied does.

- Black coffee, black beer, black metal.

- And no, I don't want sugar, what the hell do you take me for?


----------



## Animal

Fury can move me to tears


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Distill said:


> - I have licked plates in public.
> 
> - Whatever the recipe says, use AT LEAST double the amount of garlic specified. There is no such thing as 'too much garlic'.


Agreed on the garlic. 

I tried licking the plate I was using at a hotel we stayed at last night, although so I could use it again, but of course my mom freaked out when she saw what I was doing.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

It's weird that it feels so natural to be this way, yet it's pushed away or misunderstood so much by others. I feel like often I have to hide my intensity from people, but it's always bubbling up on the inside, and seems to show anyway..
I sometimes wish to be more like others - disconnected and no need for a connection - but then I wouldn't know what it is to have that connection. Truly have that connection. No I want to stay this way, but wish the connection process was easier.

Here's a bit of free-hand I wrote some time ago that relates...I called it "Connect":


"A space between. A distance that does not altogether exist. Know that the outside is very cold, and all spark fails, as a dream is destroyed by the iconoclastic enforcers whom rigidly reform the fairy tails into a grey stillness, a dead water to rot. Do you wonder if I can also see the particles, the energy, the flow? Unbelieving and mistrustful, but you must let it pass...for soon you will see that something from the dreamverse can exist in secret. Let it not in open spaces, for like all warmth it would be sought out and extinguished by the bitter chill."


----------



## Pelopra

I can't find it now, but reading this thread has reminded me.... Haven't they done studies correlating preference for spicy food and sex drive?


----------



## Dalton

Pelopra said:


> I can't find it now, but reading this thread has reminded me.... Haven't they done studies correlating preference for spicy food and sex drive?


Yup, Google is your friend, Pelopra. @KindOfBlue06 this might interest you, iirc.


http://time.com/3633813/spicy-food-testosterone/ said:


> *A French study finds that some really do like it hot*
> 
> Men with higher levels of testosterone—the hormone often associated with risk-taking behavior and heightened sex drive in men—tend to love spicy food, according to a French study published in the journal Physiology and Behavior.
> 
> In the study, titled “Some Like it Hot” and conducted by researchers from the University of Grenoble-Alpes in France, 114 men ages 18 to 44 sat down to a meal of mashed potatoes with spicy pepper sauce and salt. Researchers saw a clear correlation between higher hot sauce usage and higher levels of testosterone levels found in the saliva of the men. In other words, men with greater testosterone levels tended to douse their food with more hot sauce.
> 
> How much capsaicin—the chili pepper compound that makes them spicy—a man likes has been linked to social dominance, aggression and “daring behaviors,” the study authors write. “Conversely, low testosterone levels have been associated with lethargy or depressive mood.”


----------



## Pelopra

LeoCat said:


> When pulling anything out of an Sp dom makes you want to rip your goddamned hair out and beat them with sticks.


Huh. 

I love the hunt. The process. The step by step wheedling deeper. 

I love the aaaah feeling of a satisfying 'click' at the end of a slow, piece by piece extraction. Mine. All mine.


----------



## HellCat

Pelopra said:


> Huh.
> 
> I love the hunt. The process. The step by step wheedling deeper.
> 
> I love the aaaah feeling of a satisfying 'click' at the end of a slow, piece by piece extraction. Mine. All mine.



I posted that for the specific purpose of messing with my husbands head on here. 

It worked.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

LeoCat said:


> I posted that for the specific purpose of messing with my husbands head on here.
> 
> It worked.


Wait...your husband is a PerCer too?! :O ...That's kinda romantic actually that you are both PerCers! 

- Do you have conversations with him on PerC?> Must see!


----------



## HellCat

He's a Superhero! said:


> Wait...your husband is a PerCer too?! :O ...That's kinda romantic actually that you are both PerCers!
> 
> - Do you have conversations with him on PerC?> Must see!


We met in the JCF forum back in summer 2013. Become inseperable as best friends and sparring partners and decided to marry after knowing each other 16 months. Just married last month after four months of planning it. We were enthusiastically paired by people upon meeting and by the second week. My friends were openly discussing it.

I thought that online relationships were illogical and delusional and that love was a mental illness and believed more in the likelihood of the existence of dragons, mermaids, fairies.. well @_Animal_ is a fairy. A real one. 

However I was proven wrong and am now happily married to my bestfriend after 20 months of beating the hell out of each other physically, talking out flaws and doing a lot of inner healing. Hes awesome. 

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-rela...rs-would-make-cute-couple-37.html#post4044403

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-rela...rs-would-make-cute-couple-38.html#post4044671


Here is his post on what its like being married to me the first month. I was so thrilled when he wrote it. Because he is insanely private so it was fun to see him poke fun at himself and share something.

http://personalitycafe.com/enneagra...rants-vents-rages-purges-94.html#post15576618


----------



## He's a Superhero!

LeoCat said:


> We met in the JCF forum back in summer 2013. Become inseperable as best friends and sparring partners and decided to marry after knowing each other 16 months. Just married last month after four months of planning it. We were enthusiastically paired by people upon meeting and by the second week. My friends were openly discussing it.
> 
> I thought that online relationships were illogical and delusional and that love was a mental illness and believed more in the likelihood of the existence of dragons, mermaids, fairies.. well @_Animal_ is a fairy. A real one.
> 
> However I was proven wrong and am now happily married to my bestfriend after 20 months of beating the hell out of each other physically, talking out flaws and doing a lot of inner healing. Hes awesome.
> 
> http://personalitycafe.com/sex-rela...rs-would-make-cute-couple-37.html#post4044403
> 
> http://personalitycafe.com/sex-rela...rs-would-make-cute-couple-38.html#post4044671
> 
> 
> Here is his post on what its like being married to me the first month. I was so thrilled when he wrote it. Because he is insanely private so it was fun to see him poke fun at himself and share something.
> 
> http://personalitycafe.com/enneagra...rants-vents-rages-purges-94.html#post15576618


:O :O :O!

So awesome!! Can you post a link to any discussions between the two of you??? *pulls out popcorn* Seriously, this is the sort of thing I live for... :F
Oh, and I need pictures. O.O

- And on a side note, yes, Animal is the coolest fairy.


----------



## HellCat

He's a Superhero! said:


> :O :O :O!
> 
> So awesome!! Can you post a link to any discussions between the two of you??? *pulls out popcorn* Seriously, this is the sort of thing I live for... :F
> 
> - And on a side note, yes, Animal is the coolest fairy.


http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-f...nterior-your-house-look-like.html#post3987057

Official introduction. After I posted a joke about him having a "beautiful mind" in the Te Ti thread a few days prior.

http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-forum-challenger/134483-type-8-confessions-74.html#post4043238

Right after being privately good friends for two weeks. 
http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-f...ide-every-8-repressed-4-a-11.html#post4082323

Almost two months of knowing one another or something.

It is fun to see it in the forum still.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

LeoCat said:


> http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-f...nterior-your-house-look-like.html#post3987057
> 
> Official introduction. After I posted a joke about him having a "beautiful mind" in the Te Ti thread a few days prior.
> 
> http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-forum-challenger/134483-type-8-confessions-74.html#post4043238
> 
> Right after being privately good friends for two weeks.
> http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-f...ide-every-8-repressed-4-a-11.html#post4082323
> 
> Almost two months of knowing one another or something.
> 
> It is fun to see it in the forum still.


Oh this is so cool...

So, any pictures?


----------



## johnnyyukon

kaleidoscope said:


> HAHAHAHA I laughed so hard at this. I often feel this way reading some of the posts here. :laughing:
> 
> I actually cringe at the thought of calling myself intense. It's like.. how can you even tell that you're intense? Isn't that a) dependent on the other person and what their threshold of intensity is like and b) something you're not even supposed to notice because to you, that's NORMAL or the baseline? It's like calling yourself crazy. No one does that.
> 
> I guess the only way I would say I'm intense is emotionally, and not in an especially attractive way? I mean, some are drawn to it, but that whole association of Sx = intensity is just plain annoying to me.


Also @Dalton

I'm too old to make up descriptions of myself. I have called myself "intense" but ONLY because that's an adjective friends and lovers and even strangers have used to describe me.

When and what did they mean? Iz too tired to think about it at the moment. 

But I do know daltons milk post was like, real funny. 


Sent from my undisclosed underground bunker using Tapatalk


----------



## HellCat

He's a Superhero! said:


> Oh this is so cool...
> 
> So, any pictures?



When you are familiar with computer security. You realize it takes one photo for someone to doxx you. I have done much more with less information.

Not that I fear anyone intelligent enough to doxx me. I would welcome their friendship.

But still its an old habit to never show my face to anyone on the internet unless I know them deeply. A random board is never happening.

Captswan has skyped us and so has animal.


----------



## NIHM

johnnyyukon said:


> Also @Dalton
> 
> I'm too old to make up descriptions of myself. I have called myself "intense" but ONLY because that's an adjective friends and lovers and even strangers have used to describe me.
> 
> When and what did they mean? Iz too tired to think about it at the moment.
> 
> But I do know daltons milk post was like, real funny.
> 
> 
> Sent from my undisclosed underground bunker using Tapatalk


There's nothing wrong with someone being Intense.


----------



## johnnyyukon

NIHM said:


> There's nothing wrong with someone being Intense.


Word, sista.

But there seemed to be some confusion about it's existence? or what was meant?

If I were to explain an intense person, I probably wouldn't use myself. Probably a range of people I've met from the eye contact locked-in barista at Starbucks, to a 3rd generation boxing/MMA gym owner/coach, to an actual Commando/Green Beret that taught my Scuba diving Nitrox class.


----------



## Golden Rose

When the intensity and depth of each your feelings is so real and strong, it's like a raging consuming fire and yet it's your own natural state of being, anything less would simply be bland and monochromatic apathy. 

In my case, even pain can be a compulsion, my flaws define me and any emotion is valued and trusted.

To expand on that, you know you're a triple withdrawn, spaced out, quiet and extremely introverted sx-dom when said intensity and polarizing energy is something to be treasured and controlled, it's not for any stranger and fool to see. It's an innocuous little black box containing highly flammable plutonium, it's storms and passion hidden under the ice. It's the rawest form of longing, self exploring and craving.

It's an extremely rare gift and the most special connection, invisible to most as my interest in soc matters is way below zero. It's the feeling that all you need is your own sx bond and the rest of the world can burn.


----------



## cinnabun

Dalton said:


> I'm almost sure that I'm Sx/So, yet I only relate to half of the posts in this thread, and even a lot of those are still a stretch. Perhaps, if your explanation is accurate (and I relate to what you said about Sx/So), it explains why I have that problem.
> 
> If I'm going to put this entire thread in caricature, this is what I see:
> I'm _so_ intense. Look at all these bat-shit crazy things I do. I don't even think before doing things. If I get an impulse, I follow it, I follow hard, and it's awesome. I put my life on the line for these thrills, and it's worth it. Fuck yeah. Oh, and don't even tell me about the "fine details". It's all-or-nothing. If I'm going to drink a glass of milk, it's going to be the BIGGEST, MILKIEST glass of milk EVER, so much that people will stare in terror as they say, "Holy fuck, how are you even drinking that?" There's no such thing as "the perfect amount". WTF, are you crazy? What does 'quality' even _mean? _If I'm putting mustard on my hot dog, I'm lubing every single part of it, with even more to spare slathered on the bun. You're living a shitty life, if all you do is a 'tasteful' thin line across the top.
> 
> I really don't understand what a lot of you mean by "intensity". Perhaps the best way to describe my interpretation of intensity (or at least its popular use in this thread) is "overbearing". For me, intensity is derived from the _quality_ of the stimulus, not the quantity. I don't push limits for its own sake. Either _I'm_ not Sx, or a lot of the people in the thread don't understand the meaning of it.
> 
> If anybody thinks that I'm not Sx, I honestly want to know.


*Walks in thread*
*Reads various posts*
*Doesn't relate*
*Is not cool enough to be SX-dom*
*Life is a lie*
*Sobs*


----------



## cinnabun

But yeah for real, I mistyped as So dom at first because the description of Sx dom is so misleading. Like, I thought it was all about being a crazy fucking bastard and doing wild shit 24/7, and I was like wut. At first, my idea of so was actually sx, and my idea of sx was like insane fucking bitch lmao. I think a lot of people want to see themselves as that, like: OMG I'M SO WILD AND INTENSE GUYS, LOOK AT ME PARTYING ALL DAY ERRRDAY. SEX DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL BABY YEAH. It's just really weird. I agree with madame @kaleidoscope and say I'm intense emotionally, and even then, my version of intensity might be someone else's example of bland. It's weird.


----------



## He's a Superhero!

LeoCat said:


> When you are familiar with computer security. You realize it takes one photo for someone to doxx you. I have done much more with less information.
> 
> Not that I fear anyone intelligent enough to doxx me. I would welcome their friendship.
> 
> But still its an old habit to never show my face to anyone on the internet unless I know them deeply. A random board is never happening.
> 
> Captswan has skyped us and so has animal.


Ok, that's fair enuf actually.


----------



## myrsky

When reading these posts gives you chills down your spine and makes you want to run outside and live your life.

When you immediately feel intense chemistry with certain people and shrug it of as nothing, only to later realise you were right.

When you seek someone or something to fill the void within your soul only to realise it is a bottomless pit.

When you fear boredom more than pain and fear itself.

When you expect someone to be more than what they can offer you.

When you maintain a love hate relationships with most people you care about.

When you love running, not for your health but because is makes you feel alive.

When you've already been in a consensual fist fight for fun.

When music feels orgasmic.

When, as far as you can remember, you've had this intense bong with another person.


----------



## nichya

My friends, even people whom I wish had better things to do than to being incompetent soc first gossipers use the word -intense- to describe me. I still don't see how it is a bad thing but after hearing that a great deal in a negative connotation, I wonder. Maybe it is true too, my feelings and my intensity leave me aching, it wears me down completely to the point I am physically exhausted.

Do you also want to scream when an sp tells a story too slow with -every- unnecessary detail that doesn't even add much to the story? Or is it just me?


----------



## nichya

myrsky said:


> When you fear boredom more than pain and fear itself.
> 
> When music feels orgasmic.


I found my new fav spot on the forum.


----------



## Kurt Wagner

Hotaru said:


> It's an extremely rare gift and the most special connection, invisible to most as my interest in soc matters is way below zero. It's the feeling that all you need is your own sx bond and the rest of the world can burn.


----------



## johnnyyukon

nichya said:


> Do you also want to scream when an sp tells a story too slow with -every- unnecessary detail that doesn't even add much to the story? Or is it just me?


When ANYONE tells a story too slow. A lot of the elderly being the worst offenders. Like, my dad. I just bite my tongue (really it's a jaw clench) and find a happy place until he's done.


----------



## johnnyyukon

myrsky said:


> When reading these posts gives you chills down your spine and makes you want to run outside and live your life.
> 
> When you immediately feel intense chemistry with certain people and shrug it of as nothing, only to later realise you were right.
> 
> When you seek someone or something to fill the void within your soul only to realise it is a bottomless pit.
> 
> *When you fear boredom more than pain and fear itself.*
> 
> When you expect someone to be more than what they can offer you.
> 
> When you maintain a love hate relationships with most people you care about.
> 
> *When you love running, not for your health but because is makes you feel alive.
> *
> *When you've already been in a consensual fist fight for fun.*
> 
> When music feels orgasmic.
> 
> When, as far as you can remember, you've had this intense *bong* with another person.


All that. Yes.

Especially bold. Intense bonging, yes.



nichya said:


> Do you also want to scream when an sp tells a story too slow with -every- unnecessary detail that doesn't even add much to the story? Or is it just me?


I'll elaborate,

It's like a Grandpa Simpson:

One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, 
so, 
I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. 
So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. 
Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 
"Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say.


To my son Homer I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. 
You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J.D. Rockefeller flying by. 
So I run of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going? 
Anyway, about my washtub. 
I'd just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking-bird. 
We'd always have walking-bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, ***** eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. 
Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball...







And I'm all...


----------



## daleks_exterminate

SuperNova85 said:


> When desirability is your constant obsession, reigning supreme in your everyday focus. The lack of it breaks your heart and clouds your soul.
> 
> When the concept of moderation is a mirage.
> 
> When a friend is a lover, and a lover is a god. (The person who said this HAD to be Sx-dom)
> 
> When you don't _go_ to sleep, as much as you _fall_ asleep. (eventually)
> 
> When you sympathize with people who suffer from addiction from a very young age, because you have an intuitive understanding of it's nature, living on the edge of it yourself.
> 
> When you think back on your life and can't remember a time, dating back to childhood, that you didn't experience strong sexual/romantic feelings.
> 
> When your sexual tendencies got you in a lot of trouble when you were little, and was made to feel freakish and weird for your intensity.
> 
> When your heart rate is indicative of your mood at any given moment.
> 
> When you'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
> 
> When you imagine a time in your future, when you've done, seen and accomplished everything you wanted to, and it scares the shit out of you.


I'm quoting an old post, but I agree and relate with *every thing* you've said. 

I've fallen very much in love with an SP dom & I'm terrified. I'm terrified that I'm too emotional, raw, messy. I'm terrified that he'll start to see me as clingy, overly emotional, overly attached. I'm more terrified because I can't remember the last time I've felt anything like this. It's such a rush. He lives the Atlantic away & I don't give a fuck. I will go see him if it takes every dime I have. I would wait years if I had to. Sometimes he feels insecurity that maybe I'll get bored with him.... When really I'm like they're are other men on this planet?! I forgot. 
I've picked some rather nasty fights over nothing really. I wish I hadn't. I'm stressed in life outside of him. It kind of got the best of me for a moment. At one point he suggested perhaps not planning a future together until we meet. It's logical. It's sound. I don't see the point in dating if we stop planning. We rushed in. We were serious, passionate and committed day 1. We tried to not talk for a week before we were even together.... We both cried for two days and made up....



i wish I could use moderation. I wish I wasn't in love, infatuated and so deeply affected by him. It's approaching 3 months. That's not long. We have already exhausted most topics as we talk constantly. I still blush when he stares at me while video chatting. 

He's the sun. 

The idea of him not being in my life makes me physically ill.

I've dated. I've experienced emotion. I don't think I've ever been in love before now. I thought I had, but it was nothing compared to this.


----------



## nichya

johnnyyukon said:


> When ANYONE tells a story too slow. A lot of the elderly being the worst offenders. Like, my dad. I just bite my tongue (really it's a jaw clench) and find a happy place until he's done.


ahah I feel you, not just the old, I hate it when some friends do it as well, I mean at least the old have their reason, I get bored out of my mind. It is not that I think myself of highly entertaining but honestly I just can't stand it. I wanna rush them and my brain works even faster, I am dying inside with every slow unnecessary uninteresting word. I know it is plain mean but it is what it is.

Haha, seriously my friends make Grandpa Simpson stories look highly interesting.

I need that wrap it up button xD haha it describes how I feel, I wanna push it with a loud siren and shout at their face >.>'


----------



## HellCat

I thought I was an sx dom because I am indulgent and passionate, until I moved out of my luxurious nest in Florida with almost all of my stuff in a shipping crate and six weeks to go. 

Then I was packing lace curtains in my carry on because I needed the feminine touch and making plans to regularly import my favorite kind of dish sponge. Nearly having panic attacks over not having dryer sheets handy here or spiced breakfast sausage.


----------



## johnnyyukon

nichya said:


> ahah I feel you, not just the old, I hate it when some friends do it as well, I mean at least the old have their reason, I get bored out of my mind. It is not that I think myself of highly entertaining but honestly I just can't stand it. I wanna rush them and my brain works even faster, I am dying inside with every slow unnecessary uninteresting word. I know it is plain mean but it is what it is.
> 
> Haha, seriously my friends make Grandpa Simpson stories look highly interesting.
> 
> I need that wrap it up button xD haha it describes how I feel, I wanna push it with a loud siren and shout at their face >.>'


Yeah totally not just the old, ha. I mean, storytelling isn't easy (but even novices can you know, tell the main facts). I have friends just as guilty as my dad and granpa simpson, heheh.

To be good, you kind of have to weave in something exciting, or some people and be able to capture them so others can visualize, tell with emotion, sad and/or happy, and then if you're really good, there's a punchline at the end. 

I fancy myself a decent storyteller, but my introverted buddy is like a genius. If he's sitting when he starts, by the end he'll be standing, using his hands getting all excited, and he's really good at not laughing until the very end if it's a really hilarious story, and it usually is. I think I know maybe one other person that's as good. But it's a shame he's so shy, ha, but we were roommates for a bit so I had front row seats. 

It also helps when the audience appreciates the art form.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Daleks_Exterminate said:


> The idea of him not being in my life makes me physically ill.


I've experienced this, but then I considered if my lack of health in general could be contributing.

I'm such a romantic.^^;


----------



## mrhcmll

When anything lower than "too intense" feels like nothing at all and lying to yourself.

When you almost always have eye-contact with strangers/passers-by. Just me?

When life just feels so mundane without anyone to talk to.

When you silently scream, "NOOOOO" in your head when you don't hit it off with someone online.


----------



## nichya

mrhcmll said:


> When you almost always have eye-contact with strangers/passers-by. Just me?


Heh, not this soc last but it does happen.

When anything lower than "too intense" feels like nothing at all and lying to yourself. - yes!
When life just feels so mundane without anyone to talk to.


----------



## Splash Shin

I've noticed that a lot of people find my way of doing things intense or what have you but to me I'm just being normal, nothing intense about my methods in my mind.

always amuses me when someone comments on it in some way.


----------



## nichya

Splash Shin said:


> I've noticed that a lot of people find my way of doing things intense or what have you but to me I'm just being normal, nothing intense about my methods in my mind.
> 
> always amuses me when someone comments on it in some way.


I knoww, I honestly couldn't grasp it until very recently when this INFJ friend had to spell it for me. Not that I can ever think of not needing love to be in a relationship, not making things "grand" and wanting to feel alive and do new things or just simply walk in the rain at night. It really suffocates me when people criticize me for being too intense, all my life I thought people always wanted some form of intensity, especially the feelings but most people are very pragmatic it seems.


----------



## James1980

suicidal_orange said:


> Does anyone consider themself Sx dom for relating to the negative side of it, that life in general is so dull (even when engaging life physically and socially) that there must be MORE but you so rarely find it that when you do it's all consuming for a period that can be as long as months but feels like the blink of an eye before the intensity is gone and you're back to living on autopilot in an apathetic void?


Yes, too much small talk and I have to drop in a clanger of a comment or change the topic to something more intense.


----------



## Matejko108

how do you know you are sx-last? if literally nothing in this thread applies


----------



## Angelo

When the idea of meaningless sex sounds like torture


----------



## Mostly Harmless

When life feels empty and meaningless without someone or something to obsess over.


----------



## DarkSideOfLight

You are intense as fuck


----------



## Faery

When you can be silent and still give off this _super fucking intense _vibe_...
_When you easily intimidate...
When you could probably kill someone with only a look..
When you can "up the volume" on your intensity consciously when you feel like it...
When you _get what you want...
_


----------



## Nephilibata

Faery said:


> When you can be silent and still give off this _super fucking intense _vibe_...
> _
> [/I]


How do you know if you come off intense? Just curious.

I do find that even though I think of myself as unremarkable/small/invisible/people still seem to know who I am, weirdly enough.


----------



## Dangerose

Rose for a Heart said:


> ------------- @*The Night's Queen*, since you have been asking about your instinct stacking, I don't see the obsession characteristic of SX with you. So perhaps others are right, you are probably sx-last. Seeking love is easily heart type, so perhaps you may be getting it a bit mixed up there.
> 
> I wish I could delete the things I have said on here, it's so embarrassing.


Thanks, I - others have said this but it's hard for me to understand, I've always seen myself as very obsessive (and I think that word gets used for me)
I'm not trying to be difficult about the instinct thing but it's hard to see something I don't see
In which way do I not have the obsession characteristic of sx?


----------



## Rose for a Heart

The Night's Queen said:


> Thanks, I - others have said this but it's hard for me to understand, I've always seen myself as very obsessive (and I think that word gets used for me)
> I'm not trying to be difficult about the instinct thing but it's hard to see something I don't see
> In which way do I not have the obsession characteristic of sx?


The way you have talked about liking guys, it's quite light-hearted, dry. I don't know how else to explain that impression. Plus I do see the SP and SO...you love talking about places, things, stories...I don't _feel _the SX. The SX obsession is wet. 

(Perhaps we should move this to a typing thread or mistype revelation thread though)


----------



## d e c a d e n t

(Also have some thoughts about sx and creativity, can't really think of how to approach it atm, but I can see a connection between the creative process and sx instinct in a way. And that is one thing I regret not being more consistently in touch with.)


----------



## Darkbloom

mistakenforstranger said:


> No, I can't say obsessed. My romantic feelings wax and wane, but I do know who I'm attracted to and want to be with them, or I keep people who I've formed a deep connection with over the years close to my heart. I never act on it, though.
> 
> 
> 
> It's more like they "factor" into it, like "This is what so-and-so thinks of this person..." and having that influence me in a way. It may just be Fe too, but I think it's related to the Social instinct,


Yes I think it's So more than Fe, I'm Fe and So last and an image type but like...I talked about how I don't want my dad to know anything about my love life but that's independent of whether he'd like someone I like or not, feels different, maybe sp-ish? Probably just my thing.
Other than that I really don't care how someone fits into other parts of my life as long as they fit me, even things like their values or hobbies or whatever, I can be bothered if they are strong enough to directly come between us but otherwise I don't care, makes me really confused when someone's like "What do you value in a person?", "How important is X quality to you?" and such, I can try to remember what I liked based on experience or I say something that I like the idea of atm but it's not a real thing.

Applies to all kinds of relationships.



> From my experience, it's always been sx-firsts who move the relationship with me in the direction they want it to go, like the song I posted, I am like the beacon on dry land, waiting for the other _to come to me_. A sx-first wouldn't wait if they feel the pull of attraction towards the other person. How do you mean looking and applied to which instinct stacking?


Not true for me, maybe because of sp/sx and 9 fix 
Think this can depend on a lot of other things, like core type, tritype, just confidence, feel like I've seen many sx lasts who easily make relationships happen.



> It's the idea that being obsessed with anything is sx, and I don't think I agree, like staying stuck to the screen til dawn, I do that a lot. There's nothing sx about it. It's all mental. While my sx-7 friend would lose interest fast in a subject if she was bored with it, but she doesn't lose interest in the person she wants to be with lol, or in thinking about wanting to be with a significant other. And the above too, like being obsessed with work and nutrition those are more sp in nature. The biggest health nuts I know are sp-doms.


Agree with this so much, not any obsession is sx related, then for example every scientist would be sx because they are obsessed with science, and that doesn't seem right.
Any instinct can be passionate about something and even come across as intense and too much.


----------



## Darkbloom

But kinda consider sx last sometimes lol,like I'm still as secretive when it comes to love and attraction as a child, on some level I want people to know and on another no one can know and I refuse to tell.
Like mom asked me today what kind of guy I like when it comes to appearance, told me to name a celebrity or something, I said no one but I couldn't help but giggle, partly just don't wanna tell, partly don't want her to know (those are two different things), but at the same time the whole time I thought she probably knows anyway but wants me to say it out loud.
But it's a different thing with different people.


----------



## mistakenforstranger

The Night's Queen said:


> This is one reason I think my sx is higher than my so? This is...really unintuitive and strange to me, remember hearing about the relationship decision-making process of a sx-last I know and it was something along these lines, it was really odd to hear, also terrifying, one of those moments where I realized people think really differently from me, but I'd never considered this as a factor
> 
> Feel more (wow this line looks worse written out


Haha, yeah, it is strange to think in that way when it comes to relationships (I mean, being sx-last), but with the Enrique Iglesias quote, I'd feel like we're making a scene too much. :blushed: I see the difference, though. Sometimes I wonder if I'm more sx than I really am because I grew up in such a sx-last environment and became that way. Do you think that's possible that your instincts wouldn't be "expressed," or would instincts overcome upbringing, because well, they're instinctual? 



The Night's Queen said:


> I relate to this though, can't pursue
> 
> Can't be true across the board for sx-lasts or sx-lasts would never end up with each other


Yeah, I don't think anything is true across the board, but do you think sx-lasts end up that way because one pursued the other? I imagine with a lot of sx-last couples, they start out as friends, and then become lovers later haha. I don't think I could be in a relationship with another sx-last. There's no juice/fire. It's like scratching the bottom of a well, hoping for more water. Each person holds back too much.

For example, I think Mimi in this scene represents the sx-instinct, and I don't think every sx-first has to be like this, or maybe they are, but there's nothing she'd be other than sx-first, right? And Roger is sp/sx. Who's doing the pursuing and seducing? Who's holding back? I saw you wrote that you like musicals, and I'm not sure if Rent is one of the ones you like, so sorry for what I'm going to say next, but I did not like Rent at all except for a few songs, and that's being generous lol.








The Night's Queen said:


> But let me talk about myself
> My whole thing is that I will try to make it reasonably obvious that I am open to being courted, but I don't want the guy to get the idea I am pining over love for him, never sure if I'm saying too much that he will see me as a fool, or too little that he will not realize and be scared to approach...generally spend a lot of time trying to cultivate the image of being totally unreliant on the other person (because I fear pity more than anything) but I think it doesn't work and doesn't communicate at the same time


Hmm, I'm not sure what to make of this in terms of instincts. I tend to never say enough and regret, or when I do say more, it feels soooo awkward. 



The Night's Queen said:


> edit: considering so/sx but idk if sx-middle feels right, think it's my most neurotic one
> If I'm sx last then . . . but I don't think I am sx-last, it doesn't feel...accurate to life


Yeah, I don't think sx-last, but I do think Type 2 is a very sx-type in a way. I think I know someone who is 2w1 sp/so, and she prioritizes the relationship over other things like sx, but doesn't seem very sx. 



The Night's Queen said:


> How to tell the difference between sx-first and sx-last though? I feel like I can easily imagine Morissey singing "Soap" (or the same basic lyrics)


Yeah, because they're both Social 4s. Morrissey sang a song like that about saying too much lol...


* *


----------



## Dangerose

mistakenforstranger said:


> Haha, yeah, it is strange to think in that way when it comes to relationships (I mean, being sx-last), but with the Enrique Iglesias quote, I'd feel like we're making a scene too much. :blushed: I see the difference, though. Sometimes I wonder if I'm more sx than I really am because I grew up in such a sx-last environment and became that way. Do you think that's possible that your instincts wouldn't be "expressed," or would instincts overcome upbringing, because well, they're instinctual?


I don't know! It would be interesting to hear about.

Yeah, I don't think anything is true across the board, but do you think sx-lasts end up that way because one pursued the other? I imagine with a lot of sx-last couples, they start out as friends, and then become lovers later haha. I don't think I could be in a relationship with another sx-last. There's no juice/fire. It's like scratching the bottom of a well, hoping for more water. Each person holds back too much.[/QUOTE]

Hm, true, that's common...maybe it depends on the people in question (and the culture maybe, some cultures have better systems in place for pursuing mates, doubt Italian men for example have great trouble pursuing girls regardless of stacking)



> For example, I think Mimi in this scene represents the sx-instinct, and I don't think every sx-first has to be like this, or maybe they are, but there's nothing she'd be other than sx-first, right? And Roger is sp/sx. Who's doing the pursuing and seducing? Who's holding back? *I saw you wrote that you like musicals, and I'm not sure if Rent is one of the ones you like, so sorry for what I'm going to say next, but I did not like Rent at all except for a few songs*, and that's being generous lol.


:shocked:

No, actually, I haven't seen Rent, not really my style I think, like different kinds of musicals.

edit: I like this song though, hadn't heard it before - it's funny))


>


Ha, this is like a scene from La Bohème!

(No need to watch, just proving that I'm right...this Mimi isn't sx anyways))







(And I agree, this is a good example) 



> Hmm, I'm not sure what to make of this in terms of instincts. I tend to never say enough and regret, or when I do say more, it feels soooo awkward.
> 
> Yeah, I don't think sx-last, but I do think Type 2 is a very sx-type in a way. I think I know someone who is 2w1 sp/so, and she prioritizes the relationship over other things like sx, but doesn't seem very sx.


It's true, makes it confusing



> Yeah, because they're both Social 4s. Morrissey sang a song like that about saying too much lol...
> 
> 
> * *


Aha yeah that explains it)
Though I feel like they said opposite things))


----------



## mistakenforstranger

Rose for a Heart said:


> But you have been obsessed with the enneagram?


Yes, and to an unhealthy extent. I tend to be that way with all my interests, but again, I don't see how being obsessed with that is sx, do you? While I don't obsess ever when it comes to potential lovers. :sad:



Rose for a Heart said:


> Hmm, for me the attraction has to be there from the beginning, I have never spontaneously developed feelings for someone or wanted to be with them just because I got to know them.


Do you mean physical attraction or like a spark between you, or both? I tend to be both. 



Rose for a Heart said:


> Yeah, sounds like you prioritize your friends and groups you are a part of, over being with the person.


True.



Rose for a Heart said:


> I wasn't sure if it's specific to any stacking, which is why I put it out there. Wondering if you related to it. Like, always looking for the guy... I don't know. If I am not obsessed with one guy, I will be obsessed with another one. Not sure if everyone experiences it this way though.


Yeah, I am not always looking, and I don't get obsessed with one person, and then obsess about another person. I only fantasize about being with those people, but it doesn't consume my waking hours. I tend to form relationships a lot more slowly, if they even form in the first place...



Distortions said:


> How do you experience your obsessiveness?
> 
> (And I wish I could be obsessed with work and nutrition... )


Haha, yeah, that's one thing I find hard with typing as sp, because I don't really obsess about health or nutrition. I'm actually pretty bad at it, but I've seen that in sp-firsts. My one friend has to sit in a ergonomic chair when he works, needs the room temperature a certain degree, while another sp-dom takes a lot of vitamins and tracks nutrition to improve health. I can be fussy, but like I had to ask him, what foods should I be eating lol? I mostly work out now for the mental health benefits, which I hadn't even realized until it was suggested to me. I don't know if it's sp or weak Si, because I have terrible Si. On the other hand, I didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone while I was in college because I thought it would take away from my studies and pursuing my career lol. 

As far as obsessiveness, it's just that certain interests become all I ever think about, or want to think about, and it doesn't quit, like for years. Even when I want to stop thinking about it, I can't stop. I mean, I'll even ignore eating or sleeping at times, because I'm focused so much on it. Would sp-doms be like that?  I still think about things I've been involved in years ago sometimes, but none of these obsessions are sx in nature, or involve anyone in particular. I don't relate to song, but it made me think of it, because with obsessions, I...


----------



## Dangerose

.


----------



## mistakenforstranger

The Night's Queen said:


> Hm, true, that's common...maybe it depends on the people in question (and the culture maybe, some cultures have better systems in place for pursuing mates, doubt Italian men for example have great trouble pursuing girls regardless of stacking)


Haha, yeah Italian culture is very sx, or so it seems. I've never been there to know, though. And like we were talking before in another thread, how USA is very sx-last. How much does that affect one's instincts, and if it does, are they really "instincts" or learned behavior? Instinct, by definition, would say it would overcome upbringing, but I can see the opposite happening in some cases. 



The Night's Queen said:


> :shocked:
> 
> No, actually, I haven't seen Rent, not really my style I think, like different kinds of musicals.
> 
> edit: I like this song though, hadn't heard it before - it's funny))
> 
> 
> Ha, this is like a scene from La Bohème!
> 
> (No need to watch, just proving that I'm right...this Mimi isn't sx anyways))
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (And I agree, this is a good example)


Glad you like the example, and see what I mean. And now that you showed that parallel, yes, you are right! Rent is based off of La Boheme, so you may like it. A modern version of it, even though I think it's set in the late 1980s NY around the time of the AIDS crisis. 



The Night's Queen said:


> It's true, makes it confusing


Yeah, but I didn't think you had sx-last energy from your video, even for a 2, but perhaps that's extroversion. Beatrice Chestnut types herself as sp-2, and she seems like she could be sp/so. 


* *
















The Night's Queen said:


> Aha yeah that explains it)
> Though I feel like they said opposite things))


Morrissey isn't as intimate and revealing as I feel Melanie is, like you feel you're a part of the relationship she describes in her song, while Morrissey feels removed from it.


----------



## Dangerose

mistakenforstranger said:


> Haha, yeah Italian culture is very sx, or so it seems. I've never been there to know, though. And like we were talking before in another thread, how USA is very sx-last. How much does that affect one's instincts, and if it does, are they really "instincts" or learned behavior? Instinct, by definition, would say it would overcome upbringing, but I can see the opposite happening in some cases.


This would be a good thread idea I think. I would guess that the instinct can get channelled into different cultures differently, but...I have no clue what that would look like.




> Glad you like the example, and see what I mean. And now that you showed that parallel, yes, you are right! Rent is based off of La Boheme, so you may like it. A modern version of it, even though I think it's set in the late 1980s NY around the time of the AIDS crisis.


It is a knowledge gap of mine, I should try to watch it.




> Yeah, but I didn't think you had sx-last energy from your video, even for a 2, but perhaps that's extroversion. Beatrice Chestnut types herself as sp-2, and she seems like she could be sp/so.
> 
> 
> * *


Huh, I'd never seen a video of her before
Thought she'd be more...childish and such like she described sp 2s)



> Morrissey isn't as intimate and revealing as I feel Melanie is, like you feel you're a part of the relationship she describes in her song, while Morrissey feels removed from it.


Yeah, that makes sense.
Good comparison in general I think, so/sx and so/sp 4, makes sense to me in a few ways.


----------



## Lord Bullingdon

Rose for a Heart said:


> I don't think they all pursue; although they will probably attract since SX is about attracting. That doesn't mean they are not "looking" though. I think I am always looking.


I'll leave the other comments in this conversation alone for now, but ftr, no sexuals aren't always out conquesting. Remember, the dominant instinct is a self-esteem concern, so some may do this to "prove" their desirability, and still others may be so convinced of rejection that they absolutely refuse to make the first move. I think there's a lot more to the instincts than "SX does A, SOC does B, SP does C", so it's not always a matter of general rules.

On the subject of love, I find it has nothing to do with the instincts. I'd say enneagram types are arguably more important here--some types emphasize "love" (eg, 2 and 9), and some types deny it (eg, 8 and maybe 5). Some types equate "sex" with "love", some types equate "pleasure" with "love", etc etc etc. 

In my own case I find my type far more important than my instinct, and conflating the two (instinct and love) winds up with people arguing that sexuals love "more deeply" or are somehow gifted with deeper feelings and make better partners. I think sexual-first-obsessions are more like "this is OUR time, pay attention to me now, you're my Special Person" etc. This is not love, this is possessiveness and/or some sort of psychological need that can verge on the neurotic. I think an adult with a reasonable EQ would realize that regardless of stacking.


----------



## Rose for a Heart

Lord Bullingdon said:


> I'll leave the other comments in this conversation alone for now, but ftr, no sexuals aren't always out conquesting. Remember, the dominant instinct is a self-esteem concern, so some may do this to "prove" their desirability, and still others may be so convinced of rejection that they absolutely refuse to make the first move. I think there's a lot more to the instincts than "SX does A, SOC does B, SP does C", so it's not always a matter of general rules.


Yeah, and I just want to add that although it's not my dominant instinct, I _do _pursue and that's not because I am trying to conquer or prove anything...I guess I am just straightforward about this haha, I have always been. That, and I didn't think anyone will like me enough to pursue me themselves 



> On the subject of love, I find it has nothing to do with the instincts. I'd say enneagram types are arguably more important here--some types emphasize "love" (eg, 2 and 9), and some types deny it (eg, 8 and maybe 5). Some types equate "sex" with "love", some types equate "pleasure" with "love", etc etc etc.
> 
> In my own case I find my type far more important than my instinct, and conflating the two (instinct and love) winds up with people arguing that sexuals love "more deeply" or are somehow gifted with deeper feelings and make better partners. I think sexual-first-obsessions are more like "this is OUR time, pay attention to me now, you're my Special Person" etc. This is not love, this is possessiveness and/or some sort of psychological need that can verge on the neurotic. I think an adult with a reasonable EQ would realize that regardless of stacking.


Oh, it's not what I meant when I said SX has to do with love. Don't mean to offend anyone as I know people visualize love differently, but I personally (for me) can't imagine it without the magnetic attraction/initial obsession component of the SX.


mistakenforstranger said:


> Yes, and to an unhealthy extent. I tend to be that way with all my interests, but again, I don't see how being obsessed with that is sx, do you? While I don't obsess ever when it comes to potential lovers. :sad:


I was just wondering if it really was the type of obsession that's characteristic of SX. I am not yet convinced haha. 



> Do you mean physical attraction or like a spark between you, or both? I tend to be both.


No, I mean magnetically attracted to him from the beginning. I don't really know how to explain it...there are no levels or parts to attraction for me, it's either _there_, or _not there_. 



> Yeah, I am not always looking, and I don't get obsessed with one person, and then obsess about another person. I only fantasize about being with those people, but it doesn't consume my waking hours. I tend to form relationships a lot more slowly, if they even form in the first place...


It probably consumes my sleeping _and _waking hours. I also thought being obsessive was this part of...internal ugliness or disease I had. To be honest, I can't remember being obsessed with things, until I stopped having crushes, and now it's the enneagram. Just yesterday my dad came in my room to tell me "there's more to life than Personality Cafe" 



> On the other hand, I didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone while I was in college because I thought it would take away from my studies and pursuing my career lol.


Sounds quite SP. I might probably drop everything to be with him (that's not a good idea though lol).


----------



## d e c a d e n t

mistakenforstranger said:


> For example, I think Mimi in this scene represents the sx-instinct, and I don't think every sx-first has to be like this, or maybe they are, but there's nothing she'd be other than sx-first, right? And Roger is sp/sx. Who's doing the pursuing and seducing? Who's holding back? I saw you wrote that you like musicals, and I'm not sure if Rent is one of the ones you like, so sorry for what I'm going to say next, but I did not like Rent at all except for a few songs, and that's being generous lol.


Lol I like Rent. Not this song so much though. 

And I can see Mimi being sx-y, though I think she's also probably a type 7 Se-dom, which probably contributes to her being more of an aggressor. 

About sx-lasts getting together, I've never really dated, but I get the impression that the dating scene is more social and that's one way people find each other right? Gotta say it seems really off-putting to me. :frustrating: I like the thought of starting out as friends though. (With that said I dislike it stories where it's like... a girl isn't into the guy at first, but then she "learns" that he's right for her after all) But I think in general, my idea of friendship is... well, I idealize it in a way, but I can't quite think of how to explain it. 

And lol, I can be really fussy and obsessed about food, but not in a healthy way. Practically made myself sick with compulsive eating. Think that's unhealthy sp, though, because there's an irrational fear of starvation or feeling like I won't make it through the day if I'm deprived in any way or... you know.

(This is somewhat of a digression, but now I'm reminded of this post)

Also did @*The Night's Queen* make a video recently? Don't think I saw...


----------



## Lord Bullingdon

Rose for a Heart said:


> Oh, it's not what I meant when I said SX has to do with love. Don't mean to offend anyone as I know people visualize love differently, but I personally (for me) can't imagine it without the magnetic attraction/initial obsession component of the SX.


To me that's almost some sort of infringement of boundaries...I feel weird if I imagine that about people irl, at least when we don't know each other well. I wonder if it could be NF- or 4-related for you as well? Me, I'm just anti-romantic and wary of anything called "love" in its initial stages, and it's type related, so I think that matters.

Anyway, the comment was directed in general (not specifically at your comment), since I saw a couple people discussing it, and I've seen it come up in the past.



> Yeah, and I just want to add that although it's not my dominant instinct, I do pursue and that's not because I am trying to conquer or prove anything...I guess I am just straightforward about this haha, I have always been. That, and I didn't think anyone will like me enough to pursue me themselves


See, I'd die when the inevitable rejection comes, so my reasoning was, if anyone likes me well enough to come get me, then I'm here...if not, then so be it (obviously, I had some faith in the future at that point). I was never even afraid of rejection, I just assumed it would be anyone's natural reaction to someone as repellent as me, so why try? 

Well, point I'm trying to make is, again, the instincts don't make you "do" anything specifically, they're more a force that shapes your values and neuroses, and I think you could find a variety of responses to it, either with or against the instinct.


----------



## Rose for a Heart

Lord Bullingdon said:


> To me that's almost some sort of infringement of boundaries...I feel weird if I imagine that about people irl, at least when we don't know each other well. I wonder if it could be NF- or 4-related for you as well? Me, I'm just anti-romantic and wary of anything called "love" in its initial stages, and it's type related, so I think that matters.


Being attracted to someone is infringement of boundaries? I am not sure I understand. 
All I was trying to say is I don't relate to...some slow, burning feeling when it comes to love. I am not going to develop feelings for someone just because I "talk to them a lot over a long period of time." Of course, just being obsessed with someone isn't love, and that's not what I was saying haha. 
But that's how I have always experienced attraction (obsession/immediate magnetic attraction). I do think it's SX related because it doesn't have to do with my 4 (I am not seeking to understand myself), it's about seeking the right connection with someone else. 



> See, I'd die when the inevitable rejection comes, so my reasoning was, if anyone likes me well enough to come get me, then I'm here...if not, then so be it (obviously, I had some faith in the future at that point). I was never even afraid of rejection, I just assumed it would be anyone's natural reaction to someone as repellent as me, so why try?
> 
> Well, point I'm trying to make is, again, the instincts don't make you "do" anything specifically, they're more a force that shapes your values and neuroses, and I think you could find a variety of responses to it, either with or against the instinct.


Hmm, yeah rejection has been very difficult for me. I would blame all my psychological issues on romantic rejection to be perfectly honest. Fucked me up pretty bad.


----------



## Lord Bullingdon

Rose for a Heart said:


> Being attracted to someone is infringement of boundaries? I am not sure I understand.
> All I was trying to say is I don't relate to...some slow, burning feeling when it comes to love. I am not going to develop feelings for someone just because I "talk to them a lot over a long period of time." Of course, just being obsessed with someone isn't love, and that's not what I was saying haha.
> But that's how I have always experienced attraction (obsession/immediate magnetic attraction). I do think it's SX related because it doesn't have to do with my 4 (I am not seeking to understand myself), it's about seeking the right connection with someone else.


I mean like...I feel like I'm being a creeper mccreepypants if I start obsessing over another human the way I do over other things (unless its mutual). It doesn't matter to that person obviously, and I'd be flattered if someone would do it to me...but that's just how my brain works.



> Hmm, yeah rejection has been very difficult for me. I would blame all my psychological issues on romantic rejection to be perfectly honest. Fucked me up pretty bad.


Yep, I had my sexuality ruined before I even hit puberty, and all that goes with that (eg, romance). I blame my psychological issues on this, and consequent expectations of rejection, as well.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Lord Bullingdon said:


> I mean like...I feel like I'm being a creeper mccreepypants if I start obsessing over another human the way I do over other things (unless its mutual). It doesn't matter to that person obviously, and I'd be flattered if someone would do it to me...but that's just how my brain works.


I actually relate to this, I think (unless you mean it differently, lol)... and I wondered if that's an sx-last thing, or 9ish or something, but me just being interested in them is like a violation. Partly because I don't feel like anyone is ever receptive to me, which does create this block in my head, but also because for me at least, desire can be pretty cruel (like it doesn't exactly involve wanting to make them _happy_) and I guess I do feel guilty about treating someone like that, even when it's just in my own mind. 



> Yep, I had my sexuality ruined before I even hit puberty, and all that goes with that (eg, romance). I blame my psychological issues on this, and consequent expectations of rejection, as well.


Ruined why?


----------



## Lord Bullingdon

Distortions said:


> I actually relate to this, I think (unless you mean it differently, lol)... and I wondered if that's an sx-last thing, or 9ish or something, but me just being interested in them is like a violation. Partly because I don't feel like anyone is ever receptive to me, which does create this block in my head, but also because for me at least, desire can be pretty cruel (like it doesn't exactly involve wanting to make them _happy_) and I guess I do feel guilty about treating someone like that, even when it's just in my own mind.


It might simply be a thing that some people have, irrespective of typology, idk. I've officially now heard people with every stacking saying something like this. I definitely learn a lot in conversations like this.



> Ruined why?


Abuse, not in the way you might be thinking, and the things I had to tell myself to protect myself from it. Major reason I didn't see my dominant instinct for a long long time. I'd prefer not to get into the specifics of the abuse just here.


----------



## Dangerose

Distortions said:


> I actually relate to this, I think (unless you mean it differently, lol)... and I wondered if that's an sx-last thing, or 9ish or something, but me just being interested in them is like a violation. Partly because I don't feel like anyone is ever receptive to me, which does create this block in my head, but also because for me at least, desire can be pretty cruel (like it doesn't exactly involve wanting to make them _happy_) and I guess I do feel guilty about treating someone like that, even when it's just in my own mind.



I've noted this before, but I relate to this, or I used to relate to it more...still did the obsessing though, just felt more like the villain of the piece though))
But I also have a maybe higher bar for what counts as creepy, remember in school everyone saying Petrarch was creepy, thought that was a devastating attitude
But I can be...well I've never actually followed guys to any seaport but I still definitely feel like I'm the same personality type as (removed) Hugo (one of the first poems I ever memorized was about her, too!)












> (This is somewhat of a digression, but now I'm reminded of this post)


I really like this!


> Also did @*The Night's Queen* make a video recently? Don't think I saw...


I did but then I deleted it, and ended up giving the laptop it was on to a taxi driver in panic
You didn't miss much)


----------



## Rose for a Heart

@*Lord Bullingdon*

I have been thinking more about being obsessed. It might be arrogant of me to presume but, I don't think most people are this obsessed with the enneagram. It's a single minded, complete and total obsession. I don't remember previously being obsessed with things, this is the first time. I see the enneagram in everything I do. I mentally note to myself - and often comment to my friends - she looks like a 4, or this instinct, etc. Not just on occasion, I talk about the enneagram with every goddamn person. I have even brought it up on a date. He wasn't put off by it, but like...I can't seem to stop. I have felt traumatized because of what I have gone through on here, yet I keep coming back. It's not even that it's a social atmosphere I can belong to - no it's the enneagram itself. There's not a single person I have met that I haven't brought it up with - fact is I am more interested in the enneagram than I am in them. It's completely fucking crazy lol. I would be this way about my crushes - and you say others are obsessed with crushes too, but not like this. My friend did remark disapprovingly that I was obsessed with [someone], but I tend to take offense to comments like that. It felt like I was weird or crazy or something. Once I stopped having crushes, enneagram was my next crush (heh). There's not a single point in my life I haven't been obsessed. It completely consumes me, it's all I think about. Enneagram is the lens through which I view the world and people in it. I am still not done with, I haven't wrung out everything there is to, quite yet. There's so much more, i can feel it. And it's not just that it allows me to know myself better, no nothing quite so "dry" no there's something else here. I think you are right about SX manifesting itself with _things _also, instead of just people.


----------



## charlie.elliot

When you and several family members are Sexual-firsts:

Sledding becomes an incredibly dangerous activity.

Normal family campfire/cook-outs become incredibly dangerous activities. 

Trespassing is a regular family past time.


----------



## JFrombaugh

You know you're an sx-dom when this is one of the most relatable songs you have ever heard:






Lyrics:
https://play.google.com/music/previ...utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-songlyrics


----------



## Viole

_1. When you are in a loud club or party surrounded by a bunch of people, but time slows down because you are lost in your lovers gaze. _ Only I'm rarely lucky.. I"m talking maybe 3 times in 38 years.. that this has happened? I want to go cry now. 

OMG. I LOVE YOU!!! Everything here is SO RIGHT!! _Plateau_??! !Allllll the time! My mom says I try to run away from my problems/myself, but that I can never escape them and they just come with me. I was SO RELIEVED to be able to say. NO! I NEED adventure!! I"m not running.. I'm embracing! 

_3. Other people's definition of extreme, is your autopilot mode._ haha. It's amusing to get excited about something, and then see other peoples reaction.. like they're afraid I'm physical going to explode all over them. in my head I want them the catch the f up!! Geezz. will it hurt you to show some excitement and life?!?!??!?!

_4. You don't have to tell people you are intense, because you've already told them with your eyes._ Wow. Yes. If I'm activated about something. Oh my gosh I think I found another SX the other day and we flirted our faces off.. it was glorious! He says he's just a big flirt, LOVES flirting, and his GF doesn't mind because she trusts him. wait what!?!?! Oh, of course. Yes. this is my life. Of course the perfect guy that' I've felt the most chemistry with in about 15 years is taken. At least he said he wished he'd met me before he met his GF. 

_5. Two words: hate sex.
_ Wait what??! You lost me. Aka.. I fell out of the plane. What? I can't get enough intimacy! 

_6. Someone tells you about how they climbed Everest, or traveled to a foreign country, or met their soulmate, and you are thinking to yourself "You lucky motherfucker!" You then start planning something big and extreme._ In my head I sure do.. I"m more like all pouty jealous thinking life's not fair because I lack the money and the friends (so last SUCKS!) to make such trips happen.

_7. You meet someone, and really hit it off with them and they are thinking "it was so nice to meet you" while you are thinking "I can't wait to taste your soul!"_ Words cannot express HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS! I WANT IT ON A BUMPER STICKER!!! OR A TSHIRT!! OMG!!! 

WHEEEEEEEE!!!!! 
yeah.. I might be SX first haha.


----------



## Viole

charlie.elliot said:


> When you and several family members are Sexual-firsts:
> 
> Sledding becomes an incredibly dangerous activity.
> 
> Normal family campfire/cook-outs become incredibly dangerous activities.
> 
> Trespassing is a regular family past time.


You lucky, lucky person. I know so few SX's that I've really wondered if we're the rarest. I feel surrounded by SO's and SP's. I need my peeps!! Really! Really!


----------



## minikat313

Viole said:


> You lucky, lucky person. I know so few SX's that I've really wondered if we're the rarest. I feel surrounded by SO's and SP's. I need my peeps!! Really! Really!


I feel ya!!! I sure can tell when I meet one of us haha 


You know you're an sx-dominant when...

everyday life experiences seem 1,000,000 times better when you're with someone you *really* connect with 

You find yourself dully content with life...until you find your next fix, which you cling to to a passion until the excitement wears off

When you go somewhere 'fun' with your friends who are super excited but you're like '-.- this is too predictable for meh'

No matter how positive you try to be, you know an event won't be fun for you unless the venue and person(s) are ones who you deeply resonate with 

When you really feel 'in your zone' and you're like 'finally! Good to see you true self!'


----------



## Viole

Every word here is truth!! 
I'm SO tired of being SX first. Life is always a struggle. Everything is either boring, dull and lifeless, pointless, or, you're pinning for something you have no control over. WTF!


----------



## JFrombaugh

When you really like using capital letters, !s, and ?s very liberally for emphasis in just about every email you write or text message you send to someone, even if you aren’t truly trying to emphasize anything and are just chatting with the other person.
”Wasn’t that concert just AMAZING?!!!?! I CAN’T WAIT to see them again!!!!”

When one of your lifetime goals is to ride the world’s tallest and fastest roller coaster (Kingda Ka at Six Flags in New Jersey)...and then when you get off you’re disappointed because it didn’t actually feel as fast as you thought it would, and the ride was over too soon.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingda_Ka


----------



## Sir Kanra

When you're either detached or attached to people? Especially when you're in love, as they're your beautifully fascinating drug~

When a song connects to your soul and you start listening to it over and over on Loop - in other words, you get addicted to the feeling it gives you~


----------



## No_this_is_patrick

This thread made me fairly certain I am not sx first and I've been wondering for years. Many of the comments made me raise an eyebrow. Thanks, weirdos. You're too much.


----------



## Temizzle

I just wanna say browsing through this thread is fundamentally satisfying. Glad I'm not alone


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## INTPaul

The mental connection is never "enough."

The intellectual stimulation is never "enough."

The mutual attraction is never "enough."

The vice is never "enough."

Your voice is never heard nor validated "enough."

You are never loved "enough."

You are never thought about "enough."

You are never understood "enough."

You are never listened to "enough."

You fear about being forgotten or abandoned by the ones you love and admire most.

You don't know where you'd be in life without the passions, interests, and hobbies you have and embrace.

SIMPLE AS THAT, UNDERSTAND?

All day long, I could go on and on about this....


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## Sir Kanra

When you stalk the person you love's profile until you realize it isn't proper and stop doing it as much, when the line between loving someone and being obsessed with them is blurred 

(I've done this before with someone I loved when I was young)

When you feel insane sometimes


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## Viole

INTPaul said:


> The mental connection is never "enough."
> 
> You are never loved "enough."
> 
> You are never thought about "enough."
> 
> You are never understood "enough."
> 
> You are never listened to "enough."
> 
> You fear about being forgotten or abandoned by the ones you love and admire most.
> 
> ...


Ohh... that makes sense!! I'm keep wondering if I'm a 2 or a 7.. my basic fear is that no one wants me or loves me, and I think I have 2 in my tritype, but that's mostly all that rings true for me as a two. But if the fears of not being loved wanted enough can also stem from SX dom... well that makes perfect sense! Thanks!


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## Viole

Kyrose said:


> When you stalk the person you love's profile until you realize it isn't proper and stop doing it as much, when the line between loving someone and being obsessed with them is blurred
> 
> (I've done this before with someone I loved when I was young)
> 
> When you feel insane sometimes


Stopping? Ugh! I can admit I do not have that kind of self control. And life with out that spark of activation is depressing, gray, and life has no meaning.


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## Sir Kanra

Viole said:


> Stopping? Ugh! I can admit I do not have that kind of self control. And life with out that spark of activation is depressing, gray, and life has no meaning.


I'm all for a good thorough e-stalk! But I'll be hot-cold/on-off about it after a bit. :skeleton:

Still, I agree. I need some sort of spark (passion with a person, hobbies, goals) or I'll end up drifting into nihilism.


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## Senah

I get obsessed with things/hobbies/places/people/careers, and then suddenly want to burn it all down and start something new.

And people let me, pretty much.


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## Saira

If you feel like a ghost - dead, empty, depersonalized - when your life falls into a rut.

If you lose energy when you don't spend it.

If you ever felt like you're not a real person because you've suffocated your true self for too long.

If you have to tone yourself down because people otherwise look at you as if you are an alien.


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## Sarah.1

kaleidoscope said:


> When you want more than most people can give you.


Bitter truth. 💯


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## 8080

If complete strangers often tell you a secret within 30 minutes.

If you often feel that you understand women better than their husbands do.

If women often think that you are flirting with them.


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