# What is your mask?



## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Inspired by a conversation I had with the lovely Ninja 

Do you have a mask that you wear when you feel that you can't be yourself? 
Since I was 12 yrs old I have wore full make-up and I won't leave the house without it. It's my security blanket if you like. I feel like I will be more accepted if I wear it as I am somehow covering up the real me.
There was a time, until very recently actually, that I used my sense of humour as a mask. If I could constantly make people laugh and be the clown, I felt that it would distract them from scrutinising me too much. In my head, I thought that it would be better to be rejected for something that I wasn't rather than being rejected for the real me. But rejection hurts either way.

What's your mask? Is masking the real you an effective coping strategy or does it just exacerbate the situation?


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## Kokos (Dec 28, 2008)

I think it would be my innocence mask, my "too good, too honest" mask. I observe, see the cracks and understand much more than i show i do. I happen to often play the modest naive without opinions; and in a way it's handy because you see the real side of people much more easily.

I don't really know why i wear it, maybe it's because i want to avoid showing to people my sharp, not so round at the angles real nature and scare them away, like for example i really have to force myself to give compliments or show appreciation, direct and simple. I have a tendency to show appreciation to someone in an indirect way, by making sarcasm or irony. Like if i want to say to someone how good looking he his today, i tend to say : "oh my god, you are fucking ugly today" on an ironic tone, when i want to say the contrary :/

Or maybe it's because i need to know as much as i can and be prepared before opening myself to people, to always be a step ahead, just in case, to keep stuff in control.


Well it's something i wish i could stop doing.


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## mcgooglian (Nov 12, 2008)

Innocence and humor.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

I wear the "boring" mask. Nothing interesting ever happens to me. I have no opinions. I have no comments. Let's talk about YOU instead. I'm too happy to hear about all the exciting things you have to say.

I probably do it because I take a while to open up to people. I like to know what kind of person they are and how they treat others. If I sense any negative vibes, I tend to distance myself away.


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## Irisheyes (Sep 11, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> Inspired by a conversation I had with the lovely Ninja
> 
> Do you have a mask that you wear when you feel that you can't be yourself?
> Since I was 12 yrs old I have wore full make-up and I won't leave the house without it. It's my security blanket if you like. I feel like I will be more accepted if I wear it as I am somehow covering up the real me.
> ...


 
Wow! You really got me thinking. I think the only mask I've had on since I was a child is silence. Some of the classes in my school were doing an experiment where you can't talk the whole day. You had to use other forms of communication. Every teacher asked me if I was in that class because I was not talking. When I went home, I felt free because my "mask" or "shell" you could say was removed because I felt comfortable at home. My husband I think is ISTJ. There are many times I wish I had a mask to put on. I feel very insecure, too especially if someone you're around a lot just doesn't understand you. 

Although it can be very difficult at times, the best thing we can be is ourselves. :happy:


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## Fanille (Sep 3, 2009)

I guess for me there's a "fitting in" mask, with which I just go along with whatever the crowd is doing. And if I'm not sure how to fit in, there's the "silence" mask as I wait and observe to see what I can get away with.

"Masks" are a common theme for Enneagram Type 3. Sometimes they work so well I even deceive myself.

In some ways it does make it easier for me to deal with the outside world, but at the same time, sometimes the only time I really have a sense of self is when I'm by myself.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

I wear my mask to bed. I am not even sure if I show myself to myself. Or maybe...I do. That is the struggle with NFs....to find out who they REALLY are. Others call me authentic.....I question my authenticity. With others...I suppose I may give them a more intimidating mask. But as of right now I am trying to distinguish what is a mask and what isn't.


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## faeriegal713 (Sep 29, 2009)

My masks, and I've had several, are all variations of how to fit in. When I was in high school I even "named" them. Nicole was the mask that I wore most frequently because she was bright and happy and shallow and could talk to people. I had to be her at school because I couldn't tolerate the idea of anyone else seeing how truly sad Amber was. Sarah was another mask, she was who came out when I hung out with my theater and band friends. She had more depth but truly just went with the flow of everything. Leilanhi came out when I needed to still present a pleasant face to the world but FEEL everything. She was deep and could absorb so much and even when she wanted to curl up and just cry, she never showed it.

Now, I don't so much have those masks, they've been put to rest because now Amber is almost the mask and the person I have been the last few years is slowly starting to take over. She's able to feel to a certain extent, but then she just shuts down. She has many rote phrases, probably about 20, that can be combined for a wider variety of conversations and that's all that she says. Especially at work or around people who have never seen Amber. After a while, she gets exhausted and Amber has to take over again, but Amber doesn't know what to do anymore and sort of just acts as this other mask and so she's slowly disappearing.

And I think I'm stuck in one of those infamous INFP moods right now. *frowns*

Long story-short, yup, I have one main mask that is almost always on now and I don't really know who I am anymore. It's sad, but sort of a necessary evil right now.


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## ginz (Sep 30, 2009)

My specticles are my mask... 
I dont know why though, maybe it's because I've literally worn one for the longest of time. I feel dreadfully exposed whenever my glasses are removed, to the point when I was younger, i'd almost refuse talking or anything. 
Meh, the advent of the internet brought out my other mask though. I am far more expressive and assertive online than i am offline. ack.

Makes me wonder if ill ever find out my real self :/


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

I have several, i'm a social butterfly, it really depends who I am with and which part of my personality comes out more.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

My mask is an ESTJ.


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## faeriegal713 (Sep 29, 2009)

Azrael said:


> My mask is an ESTJ.




THIS. I hadn't even thought of classifying it as a type, but this feels too accurate to not be true.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Oh yea I forgot. I put on my estj costume pretty often as well.


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## Vegard Pompey (Jun 29, 2009)

I don't have a mask, I have a black plastic bag. I pull it over my head and pretend I'm not there.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

I try to be unobtrusive so as not to be noticed, but if I am noticed then I switch to a sunny disposition and light humour. I assume most people aren't cut out for my deeper, darker thoughts or very eccentric sense of humour. If I get to know someone and I think they can handle it, I open up.... a little.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

If I can't be myself, I usually just smile and nod along with everything and the occasional laugh when it's appropriate. It's not fun to not be able to be myself...my mask is pretty boring, but very agreeable.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

yeah I act like a childish, selfish, dark jedi sometimes


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

I'm with Manny (3 power).

Generally I wear a lot of masks and can fake just about any personality if try, hell I even did it here.

I don't need to do it, but it's just a bad habit now.

I hold in a lot of my thoughts (working on stopping that), simply not to come off as weird.


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## Unsung (Sep 21, 2009)

stand tall chest out and give a mean look, they are always just talk. never been ina fight ever. my mask is a i dont care attitude. sometimes i have to not wear my certain dress sense just to fit in a crowd(mainly around football matches) hooligans...


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## Eylrid (Jun 25, 2009)

Whatever I think people want to see. I did this far more before I understood personality types. I was constantly trying to form an idea of "what's cool," which was frustrating at times because it was different for different people.

A phsyical clothing item that has served as a mask is a jacket. I have had a number over the years. When I was about 12, I would wear my jacket every where. My mom would get upset at me for wearing it in the house, or when it wasn't cold. It was like a security blanket. Wearing it was very comforting. My last jacket I had was about a year ago. It gave me confidence on one of the few dates I've been on.

I've also used ball caps and sunglasses on occasion.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

I used to have a mask of indifference. This has gone away now. I find masks very difficult. I just have to rise above unfortunate circumstances and ignore people I don't like or are being a pest. That includes all my neighbours, most of my family (not many left), the whole of the local Social Services network, the Police Force* (?) and the local Council, almost all Guardians SJ and all Crazies Fs and a few other types like Tyrants and Judges. The Horsemen ESFJ still present the biggest random problems. ESTJ Bullies present a continual deliberate (on their part) problem. The ENTJ x ISFP, ESTP X ISFP and the ESTP x ISFJ present additional problems. As do Ratmen XSFJ (not clever but cunning and liars). 

*May just be the Pigs ISXP.


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## knght990 (Jul 28, 2009)

I talk to cover up my insecurities, which makes me look stupid, which makes me more insecure, which makes me talk more.
Not talking directly to people serves the same purpose.


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## Irulan (Aug 14, 2009)

My mask is acting like an ENFP. But it's starting to not work anymore. I get too tired if I try to act E-ish, and then I just go back to normal. I can pull off the P a little better outwardly, but not inwardly at all.

It's just, if I'm around people and I'm really acting like myself I would be far more likely to just sit in the corner and read or draw or crochet or something. And I don't want people to think that I don't care about them. Plus if I do that they usually annoy me with an endless stream of "What's wrong?" when nothing is wrong at all. But recently I have been so aware of when I am acting unlike myself that I just don't do it so much anymore.


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## ginz (Sep 30, 2009)

very soon i shall attempt to wear this mask. its teh kewls.


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## faeriegal713 (Sep 29, 2009)

ginz said:


> very soon i shall attempt to wear this mask. its teh kewls.


You, my good sir, win the award for coolest mask! :laughing:


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## Windette (Jun 29, 2009)

Towards people I don't know well or at all, my mask is usually sweet, innocent and quiet, a bit like an INFP. This often accidentally gets people feeling guilty when they say something that might be offensive towards me, but it's not. But I'm more likely to pull off the mask when meeting extroverted people.


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## RP3 (Oct 7, 2009)

Lol, this thread really got me thinking about the types of masks that people wear, so I wondered to myself, "Self, what mask do you wear?"
And I came up short. Because you see, I used to wear all types of masks, around certain people and places, I knew what was appropriate behavior and what wasn't. I was really pressured into having everything 'thinking' they knew me. But in reality, I was some darker, malevolant force at work. And then I realized that masks were just a bunch of phony things to get people to like you, so I removed my masks. Some were harder than others to remove, but slowly and surely, as I peeled off the layers of falsified me, I found myself. I still hold back certain words around certain people, but I don't specifically think that as a mask because I still get my points and thoughts across to them. Just without vulgarities. And this thread was acutally interesting, so sorry for the novel. :tongue:


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## Apollos (Oct 7, 2009)

RP3 said:


> Lol, this thread really got me thinking about the types of masks that people wear, so I wondered to myself, "Self, what mask do you wear?"
> And I came up short. Because you see, I used to wear all types of masks, around certain people and places, I knew what was appropriate behavior and what wasn't.


Except that that is obviously a mask in itself. :laughing:


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## Gothicamew (Oct 7, 2009)

Apollos said:


> Except that that is obviously a mask in itself. :laughing:


The Tree of Wisdom hath spoken. Lol.

Umm...masks, masks...I don't think I wear any masks, I think I'm just bipolar...or maybe I do wear a mask. I wear masks around my female friends. I always try to be the tough one. I act more like me around my 374635345 guy friends.


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## plzNthx (Sep 19, 2009)

i forget my sunglasses on top of my head. i sometimes give off the head-in-the-clouds impression, and in high school that easily translated into the 'dumb blonde' stereotype for people too lazy to know me. i let the label reflect me. it was often easier to just laugh at myself and go with it than to try to prove that i had any thoughts bumping around my "empty" head. 

i betrayed my I. i tried not to talk about concepts other people didn't understand. i tried to please everyone, to make sure everyone comfortable; i certainly wasn't, though, because i knew (and know) that i'm more than that. i learned how to run with people's carelessly built perceptions. that was the easy/cowardly/lazy way.

as my roommate put it: "if we were old men, they'd just call it 'eccentric'".

i don't push so hard to be liked anymore. i let people seek me out. i find i attract people who value what i've got when i just BE. easier said than done though, a lot of the time. :blushed: work in progress.


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## Essay (Oct 13, 2009)

I hate making my first impression without my contact lenses. For me, glasses are only for people I know well.


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## Irulan (Aug 14, 2009)

Essay said:


> I hate making my first impression without my contact lenses. For me, glasses are only for people I know well.


Glasses are hot.

:mellow:


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## SpankyMcFly (Oct 8, 2009)

Rational stoicism.

One compliment that stands out to me was when I was talking to a co-worker. He told me I was so even-keeled :crazy:. Initially I laughed my ass off inside my mind, if only he knew I thought. "I've done it! I'm so good at hiding my emotions that even co-workers who know me "well" can't see them" I then promptly went into deep introspection mode for several hours after work. Ehhh its a trade off is what I came out with.


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## Halla74 (Mar 17, 2009)

SpankyMcFly said:


> Rational stoicism.
> 
> One compliment that stands out to me was when I was talking to a co-worker. He told me I was so even-keeled :crazy:. Initially I laughed my ass off inside my mind, if only he knew I thought. "I've done it! I'm so good at hiding my emotions that even co-workers who know me "well" can't see them" I then promptly went into deep introspection mode for several hours after work. Ehhh its a trade off is what I came out with.


That's really funny. I'm even keeled, but if I don't like something going on around me, it shows. I have no poker face. Ha!


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