# Being bullied by the opposite sex



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

Hey, so I was doing reading for my psych class on middle childhood and self esteem etc, and we had to discuss bullying. I was thinking back and it sort of occurred to me the first and most major episode of being bullied I remember being in 7th to 8th grade and it was sort of unique in that I remember being bullied by two girls. I never really thought of it much tbh, but thinking back on it it feels like it helps to explain a lot of my anxieties surrounding communication. I'm curious to see if anyone else had the same experience aka boy being bullied by girls or if any females have had the experience of being bullied by males.

I definitely remember being teased everyday and coming home angry, for being too serious, too dark skinned, ugly, unlikeable etc, but I felt like all I could do was grin and bear it, though eventually I started being mean back I would say I wasn't as successful at it. Part of the dynamic was that in my environment anyway in middle school if boys had a problem we tended to just go fight in the bathroom whereas I didn't know what to do. I also remember my grades dropping at this point, and from that point forward starting to be a bully to other people and getting into more arguments and fights in general, and sort of forming social problems which unraveled in the coming years.

So... anyone?


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## Immerseyourself (Feb 12, 2013)

I was bullied by people of both genders (it felt worse being bullied by girls). I can still recall the teasing and words used. It happened during grades 5-7. I was very passive, and didn't really fight back. It left very deep scars that will never heal and still afflict me to this day.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

I was bullied by guys, sure. I got the pleasure of publicly humiliating, or rather, emasculating one of them. Pro-tip: when I invite you to participate in physical confrontation, it's not smart to accept. Dumbass got his ass kicked, and in front of all of the other guys, too. They laughed at him. Boy, did a dose of his own medicine do him some good. I tried being nice. I tried being the bigger person and letting it go. I tried befriending him. I tried understanding his own insecurities and whatnot. I did everything I could up to that point. Moral of the story: don't push me too far. I will push back. He needed to be taught a lesson.


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## Pleiades (Feb 28, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your experiences, claude. Kids in school can be so mean, I don't know why. I've been bullied before, by girls and one time, by a group of both genders, but oddly, these incidences happened for only a short period of time and stopped on their own. Can't explain why they stopped. I'm not a violent person, so fighting back was not an option, but will only do it in self-defense and as a last resort. 

Having experienced it, I can say it does make a person more wary and less trusting of others. That's the part I dislike because I usually like to believe there is some good to be found in everyone. :/


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

Immerseyourself said:


> I was bullied by people of both genders (it felt worse being bullied by girls). I can still recall the teasing and words used. It happened during grades 5-7. I was very passive, and didn't really fight back. It left very deep scars that will never heal and still afflict me to this day.


I can relate strongly to what you're talking about, and as for right now I feel like I can and will be a more self aware and compassionate person should I be able to grow from those experiences. I'm sure everyone takes on some sort of wound in childhood, and I'm just now becoming more aware of them, rather then letting them steer my life from the blindside of my awareness.


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## Pleiades (Feb 28, 2013)

Ace Face said:


> Moral of the story: don't push me too far. I will push back. He needed to be taught a lesson.



Yup ... I agree and good for you. Some people are just plain vicious and can't fathom the notion that "turning the other cheek" does not mean scared or weak.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I was bullied in seventh or eighth grade too, by a group of males.

And it was weird because the sexual/gender differences between us played a big role in the bullying. They would basically disparage me the way a regular bully does, but they would also sexually harass me at the same time.

So, they would do things like whisper obscene things to me in class and make obscene hand gestures, they would sometimes put their arms around me or lean on me in the hallway, and once one of them laid on top of my desk (in class--it makes me so mad that teachers allowed this kind of school disruption) until I gave him a fake number. But at the same time, they were mean and disrespectful--none of them called me names like they called some other girls (names that were derogatory) but one of them threw spit balls in my hair.

This totally influenced the course of my life over the next few years. I had very thin skin as a pre-teen and I was already dealing with other self-esteem issues. I actually began failing classes because I would avoid the classes where these boys were (there was a big group of them--they were all friends and at least two of them were in every class). I started getting stomach aches and missing the bus to school, and I also started to completely avoid classes--I would sit in the bathroom alone instead of going to the class because I didn't want to deal with them. 

Eventually, I realized that part of my issue with the opposite gender was because of some isolated experiences. So once I assigned blame to specific individuals (that guy treated me like that, not because he was male but because he was a jerk) then I began to consciously move through those issues.

Wanting to be understanding and compassionate (and take personal responsibility for one's situation) is great but some individual blame and judgment is deserved. Sure, I could have told someone, fought back, had more confidence and thicker skin, been less awkward---but I can still assign my judgment to them.

I realized that for me, by my refusal to accept the emotions I felt and my refusal to assign blame for their behavior to them, I was projecting the anger and blame onto more people than who deserved it. I was angry at myself, and all men for a while, and even high-schoolers in general--but I began feeling better when I gave responsibility for the bullies' actions back to them.

Anger is healthy when our boundaries are being crossed. Also, anger can teach us what we do not agree with so that we can avoid doing those things to others.


Edit: And I guess I should say "responsibility" not blame. If you do not give people responsibility for their own actions, your emotions about their actions might become misplaced and projected onto others and yourself. If you do not accept responsibility for your own actions, then it is hard to change your behavior. If you can clearly assign responsibility, then you can better make the choices you need to make to resolve your anger (either dealing with the situation better or reaffirming your own choices on how to treat others). That's just something I think I had to learn and maybe it has to do with enneagram 9.


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## Protagoras (Sep 12, 2010)

I was bullied by a teenaged girl (15-17 years old, I guess) when I was about 9 years old. She lived in my neighborhood. My guess was that she was mostly bored during her summer vacation and just thought of bullying me as a way to kill time, since I was a lot outside that summer and lived around the corner. I remember not knowing what to do, since she was much taller than I was and bullied me much more savagely than others had done before her; not like children tease or bully each other. Eventually (after a few weeks, maybe a month) I stood up to her, after which she stopped bullying me and started ignoring me whenever she saw me. I haven't seen her in years now. Besides that, I have not really been bullied by girls or women.


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

meltedsorbet said:


> I was bullied in seventh or eighth grade too, by a group of males.
> 
> And it was weird because the sexual/gender differences between us played a big role in the bullying. They would basically disparage me the way a regular bully does, but they would also sexually harass me at the same time.
> 
> ...



I can relate to a lot of what you said especially about wanting to miss class, hiding from situations, I even used to go the bathroom to avoid going to class if I felt like something unpleasant was going to happen. It's kind of strange, I omitted a lot of details because I thought they would make what I was talking about unrelatable, but reading about your experiences made it a lot more so.

As I was thinking back and remembering those moments I kept yoyoing between feeling a sort of righteous anger and being treated that way, and feeling sort of vengeful to the realization that only people who suffer themselves would treat someone that way, and that there are times when I treated people badly. I think part of the problem of letting it go for me is to truly let it go, I have to do it with compassion for whoever it is I feel wronged me, whereas for me at the moment I just feel like I don't want to dwell on those moments in order for me to be happy myself, and I hold on to some sort of judgement of them.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

claude said:


> I can relate to a lot of what you said especially about wanting to miss class, hiding from situations, I even used to go the bathroom to avoid going to class if I felt like something unpleasant was going to happen. It's kind of strange, I omitted a lot of details because I thought they would make what I was talking about unrelatable, but reading about your experiences made it a lot more so.
> 
> As I was thinking back and remembering those moments I kept yoyoing between feeling a sort of righteous anger and being treated that way, and feeling sort of vengeful to the realization that only people who suffer themselves would treat someone that way, and that there are times when I treated people badly. I think part of the problem of letting it go for me is to truly let it go, I have to do it with compassion for whoever it is I feel wronged me, whereas for me at the moment I just feel like I don't want to dwell on those moments in order for me to be happy myself, and I hold on to some sort of judgement of them.


Yeah--I can understand what you're saying about feeling vengeful. Honestly, at the time I just hated them. I didn't understand where they were coming from at all. I had read and practiced meditation before that, but that probably just influenced me to deny my feelings.

I'm not exactly sure where in the process assigning responsibility to their actions came in. I don't think it's the final stage of dealing with it at all--maybe the first stage for me. But I know that directing my own anger at that particular action helped me to look at what really needed attention.

I can't change the past but I can choose to change my own behavior--or to enlighten my own behavior. If someone hurt me unnecessarily, then I can look at that behavior and choose not to do it to others. I can accept that I did not have control over their behavior and that I cannot change the past, but that the past can inform me of what to do in the future (meaning, that I can enlighten my behavior to not hurt others in this way). 

Really, they are only people and there are lots of reasons why someone might bully--they may have harder lives and less choices than I did. But I can't blame the entire male gender for a few unchangeable actions of a few males. I think that anger motivates us to action--but we have to make the choice for what our action will be. 

One advice I heard for enneagram 9 is to take responsibility for my contribution to a situation--and likewise, I think it's important to give responsibility for others' contributions. 

This is long, but the thing that I ended up learning was that I was excusing certain males for acting the way they did because "they are male." Part of this was because I didn't have a lot of men in my life growing up and I was creating my image of men with the limited negative experiences I had had with them. I felt much freer when I realized that there are a lot of men out there and many of them did not bully women (nor will they). There are also a lot of people out there who choose not to hurt other people intentionally. 

I was freed because I assigned individuality to the situation--but that might have to do with my lack of individuality and my desire not to acknowledge differences and conflict. I am just thinking about this because of enneagram. We might have different ways of resolving pain because we have different coping mechanisms. 

I think there is a lot of wisdom in the idea that when we forgive we actually release ourselves from a burden we have been carrying. You don't have to agree with someone's behavior to forgive them, but you can still release the burden. I think it's a good idea to learn from others' mistakes while forgiving them, and also to learn from our own mistakes when forgiving ourselves. The whole purpose of anger is creative motivation--to move towards better choices.


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

I was bullied one time in my life. 7th grade; I had a pimple on my nose. This guy called me Rudolph :laughing: I looked over to him, smiled, and said, "Strange. You seem to think I, or anyone else, cares what a failure thinks of them." 

It was rude, but he didn't say a word to me again. So much emphasis now-a-days about "ignoring and walking away." While I agree that should be done when it should be done, but there is something to be said about standing up to those who wish to tear you down. It is both healthy for the victim and the assailant.


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## Lightlilly (Mar 31, 2012)

ugh >.> boys called me names...not nessecarily names more like insults...like fat/ugly...they also threw paper at me...they'd put it in my hair too... I know how to manage it now ...but I had that annoying -partly curly partly straight does whatever it wants- kind of hair...so when you throw peices of paper in it ...the paper stays untill I get it out >.>...

at the time, I wish I had a better older female figure in my life, someone to help me not look so weird?

when I look back...there are so many things I could've done ....I could have ended it so easily...I just was too shy, young and insecure to try and do anything about it at the time...

at the time I felt like......
yeah, I know I am totally disgusting ugly and fat...
I'd just accept it...this is similar to ignoring it on my part

now I feel like....
I absolutly don't give a fuck


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

When I was thinking about this earlier today I felt like I'd unlocked the secret to my neurosis, and now I feel like the suns setting on that idea...


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Yes, I was bullied by both sexes as a preteen and as a young teenager, topics were everything from my weight to my height to my religious upbringing (Catholic in the South.) I developed cynicism and a sharp tongue from it. What's funny to me now is that I've slimmed down since high school, and the girls who teased me for my weight are now more overweight than I was as a teenager. One of the guys who used to tease me for both my height and weight as a teenager asked me on a date our senior year in college; I respectfully declined.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Surprisingly, no, unless you count the few isolated name calling incidents from high school classmates. Really, only two stand out in my mind, and they weren't exactly 'destructive', although I wondered then what they had to gain from insulting a near stranger they'd never interact with again. Random. *shrugs*

Though, there was one girl who bugged me off for weeks in the second or third grade. I don't remember everything she did, but it went on for a while until I lost patience and punched her in the stomach. I was a pacifist then as I am now, and will look at every alternative before physically attacking someone else, so it had to be bad enough to whittle my patience away. AH - I remember: she physically cornered me, which was a bad move, considering how far her annoyances had gone. I probably felt threatened, since she was a loud, aggressive, kid who always wanted her way, while I was a lot physically smaller, quiet, and generally passive. She made a huge scene, and I was lectured by my teacher and parents, but I didn't have many problems with her after that. 

By far, though, most of my bullying experiences were with other males. Ghettofied Mexican-American and African-American boys, if it makes a difference. They saw femininity, which you'd think was punishable by death, while I had no idea as to why these boys despised me so much.


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## mrgreendots (May 21, 2011)

It was usually males who bullied me but it had a rather odd effect on me. I think it somehow made me see guys as more powerful (not just physically) and I ended up acting like one. I also became the bully and took it out on people who didn't deserve it. Either way now it still hurts more when a guy insults me than when a girl does, but that's also probably because I've never related much to the girls in school. 
I hated being the same as everyone, I was proud of being different but they didn't seem to accept it. The lack of facial expressions also probably added to them calling me names like emo, goth, **** etc.


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## Psydog (Jun 2, 2012)

I can relate to you, there's a girl who blame on me for taking away her attention, lol. My classmates quickly help her (reluctantly) after she makes a pity face for not getting enough attention after she scream at me. I also need to act like being bullied when she come to class, or her face give u a feeling of guilty for making her sad. I forgive her as I heard she have strict family and her parents favor her brother more than her.


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I've seen one of the girls that used to bully me, but after seeing her my wanting to get even definitely faded out. She seemed really depressed..... the other girl has a pretty heavy facade going on.


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## icecream (Nov 22, 2011)

Yes, but there was a lot of bullying at my school. Each pupil got their fair share. Some handle it better than others and some where more picked on by others. I realised later that it was an really unhealthy enviroment. In my case...some of the words still hurt a lot today...and other situation dosnt matter at all. The hurt...being humiliated...put in a situation outside my comfort zone...thats whats hurts the most.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Sadly I was bullied out of a student University house last year by two very dominating and emasculating immature girls.
I had lived in the house a year previously and they filled vacant rooms from students leaving: suddenly making demands on me to be more tidy (I already cleaned things immaculately), demanding the use of the front room when I was in it!, inviting people back at beyond 2am, 'smoking' flavoured tobaccos in the dining space and generally devaluing me as a man any time I said or did something.
Being a man living with 3 girls (1 I got on with perfectly fine) I did not know how to report the problem to the landlord and felt highly anxious every time I saw or 'spoke to them'... rather they spoke at me (bearing in mind I was 5 years older and house 'senior') but fortunately my then house friend reported the issue to the landlord and I was allowed to relocate to another one of their letting premises (to make things worse I was a final year student facing sexism from 2 fronts at once, knowing I could not hit or put them down with words in an argument because my empathic sensitive nature would have felt bad for them).

While living with them for a whole semester I had began a course of anti anxiety medication and felt emotionally threatened for no apparent spite or reason but being a non-Muslim man living with 2 Muslim girls.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

I was bullied by both genders. And I kicked their asses. Still, I have to admit that I'm scared of men because of it, I was mostly bullied by men and sometimes to a sexually.


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## RaidenPrime (Aug 4, 2012)

I've found the best way to deal with bullies is by asserting yourself to the point your will crushes their soul, and they don't fuck with you ever again. I've found rising to the occasion and finding a method for making the bully want to crap their pants in your presence works.

Or just beat them up so bad they're too afraid to approach you ever again. Or you could make a friend from that. I actually befriended someone in school after they bullied me and I beat them up.

Of course those who are severely bullied don't always have the courage to do this, especially if their lives are at stake.


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## Pirate (Jan 2, 2013)

I had 1 girl try to bully me. It didn't work. They only have the power over my emotions that I give them, and I didn't give any. To make sure it wouldn't be tried again though (its tiresom to deal with) I eventually provoked her into violence. Its worth noting at this point that she was wearing a skirt when she attacked me (which was why I provoked her when I did.) She tried to kick me between the legs, but I caught her foot, looked her in the eyes and slowly lifted her leg until she was overbalanced and fell. Never spoke to me again. Presumably she didn't like the entire class room being shown her underwear.


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## Pyromaniac (Apr 2, 2013)

I was. Then I threw her against the wall. Nothing since.


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## OverthoughtAndUnderstated (Aug 13, 2012)

I feel for you, Claude, and for everyone else too. I was bullied on occasion by both boys and girls. My being "gifted" and thus being quiet and isolated most of the time, caused me to be an easy target for those bullies. It wasn't the actual bullying that bothered me as much as struggling to understand _why _they were doing it. I always valued reason, even as a young kid. The fact is that most other kids are not reasonable. Actually, in the traditional sense, kids are not even _persons._ By that, I mean that they are not rational, autonomous, or moral beings. Kids of average and lower levels of intelligence are impulsive, irrational balls of energy, literally animals up to a certain age and maturity. Even after physical maturity, their cognitive maturity can lack. Sometimes this is due to upbringing, and sometimes it is due to their (lack of) education at an early age. No matter what the cause, I think there are many things we can do to target every child's strengths and weaknesses so we get the most out of each come time for adulthood. However there is very little we can to to prevent kids from being kids when we stick them in a large public school that doubles as a social playground. Those kids who actually like to learn and are not interested in recess usually end up getting bullied. Fast-forward into young adulthood, and well, the universe usually unfolds as it should.


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## Alumina (Jan 22, 2013)

Got bullied by boys at the age of 5, they were about 7-8. Growing up I was not bullied by the opposite sex at all. If so, I know I would be pissed and kick em' one in the groin. Goes the same for female bullies too. Groin attacks. yeah.


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## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I was thinking back on the two girls I mentioned in my original post, and I remember one time sort of over shouting one the girls and she suddenly looked like she was about to cry, and said something like I had hurt her feelings, and I remember thinking "what about my feelings?". It makes me wonder if she really knew what she was doing in terms of my being hurt. I never showed my being hurt in those situations as sadness but always showed it as anger or pretending I didnt care.

This has also got me thinking about some people who might hold a grudge against me for what they thought was my bullying them...

I saw this kid I got into a fight with in middle school, one day I came by and pushed him, and walked away. I guess he got really nervous or something but he had a nosebleed and went to the principle. In the following weeks I had a meeting with the principal, and I was basically on the verge of being expelled when his dad came to the meeting and more or less told his son to not be a "pussy" and I was let off after that. I was him once passing by (this is like 7-8 years later) and I looked at him when I happened to be in a really good mood, and I saw his face and his countenance just light up. I don't know if anyone else has experienced that but when you see someone in love or someone who has just resolved something its almost like their glowing, and from that I sort of assumed he still carries what I did to him with him. I saw him a little while after that though, when I wasnt in such a good mood and sort of mean mugged him and he got a really serious "time to fuck shit up" look on his face but sort of just drove away.

So anyway..... I've been thinking I should go up to him and apologize for what I did when I see him. I feel like something like that would be part of letting go of what people have done to me. Of course we'll see if I actually follow through with it.


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## Jane the Ripper (Mar 19, 2013)

I've only been bullied by women and my parents (rofl, right?) 

Did it affect my self-esteem? 

Eh, no. 

I have myself for that


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Jane the Ripper said:


> I've only been bullied by women and my parents (rofl, right?)
> 
> Did it affect my self-esteem?
> 
> ...


You're a strong one.


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## Giratina (Aug 15, 2012)

My classmates make fun of me when I was in grade school.. usually by guys. I'm the smallest in our class, a neat freak when it comes to my stuffs and a really quiet nerd according to others. They were usually messing up with my stuffs, throwing and writing craps on my bag and calling me stupid names. I don't usually react or fight back to them unless they hurt me which happened so I slapped the dude using my bag and then my hand. It didn't stop there though. One of them punched me on my shoulder, My grandmom saw my bruise and reported them. I got some special attention from my adviser and usually kept me away from them. They also made fun of me during our field trip since they have their parents along with them while I'm there alone. They even called me parentless.
When I was in high school, One stupid guy put some clay on my hair tips when I ask him to remove it but instead of just removing it, he cut my hair from waist length to shoulder length then laughed.

It was horrible. I don't even care anymore.


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## surra (Oct 1, 2012)

Yes I've had these instances way too much for me. I've been always the bullied one. Almost all of my class used to bicker me when I was little. It's an unique experience to be bullied by the opposite sex and your own. Females form cliques and the bee queen. Boys just talk.

So speaking about being harassed by boys. Anxiety. I have some sort of feel a man can be evil sometimes to a woman and pretend interest in me. I also had a body image issue. Wrath issue. Can no longer take bullying. This sounds really horrible but I know I will avenge if this happens ever again to me. It's too much for me to take anymore because I've been bullied years on end. Can't take it. It needs to stop. Too bad it's hard.


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## rosegeranium (Apr 1, 2013)

I'm sorry to say this, being that I'm a woman(and I am all for women's rights, by the way), but women are the driving force behind all that is wrong with the world. EDIT:Ok, I meant to say not all that is wrong with the world, but a lot of it, in 1st world countries.

*waits for indignant shouting*

Yes, yes...men are the ones running around starting wars, beating each other up and running the big companies that monopolize everything... But it was a woman that raised them(or was absent) and the mother almost always determines how the son will turn out as a person. Sometimes men will turn out to be assholes just because their mothers did not protect them from their father's will. Usually mothers do not help their sons develop high emotional IQ, for fear of making them too "soft". 

As a female, I have been bullied mostly by girls. Occasionally boys would make fun of me, but it was the girls pushing them to do it. The boys were still in the wrong, but the girls were the ones behind it. Women enable men. They complain about cheating men or how there are no good men but then they go to the bar and sleep around and turn down nice men because they don't have enough money or status. It is all the princess complex. They complain that men are evil rapists that have the made the world hell, and yes, women have been oppressed only til just recently, but women always seem to let men get away with bullshit. In the mean time, most women are catty and status conscious and beat each other down rather than boost each other up. 

I would see girls pick on guys a lot in school. Whenever I go to the bar and a woman acts nasty for no reason to a guy, it really pisses me off. Howver, I am leary of men that let that sort of thing effect them because they tend to take their frustrations out on me. It's like, you have to have some balls because otherwise you will resent me for having balls, as a woman.


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

surra said:


> Yes I've had these instances way too much for me. I've been always the bullied one. Almost all of my class used to bicker me when I was little. It's an unique experience to be bullied by the opposite sex and your own. Females form cliques and the bee queen. Boys just talk.
> 
> So speaking about being harassed by boys. Anxiety. I have some sort of feel a man can be evil sometimes to a woman and pretend interest in me. I also had a body image issue. Wrath issue. Can no longer take bullying. This sounds really horrible but I know I will avenge if this happens ever again to me. It's too much for me to take anymore because I've been bullied years on end. Can't take it. It needs to stop. Too bad it's hard.


I get verbally abused my male and female students and female teachers alike during primary school, and I can very much see what you mean. When I was in college, the teachers were much better and do not verbally bully me anymore. However, there's still a small clique of girls who publicly embarrass me over all kinds of things.

Stop talking to them and avoid them as much as you can help it. Bring some headphones and earbuds (those to block out noise) everywhere you go. When somebody verbally abuses you, put on your earphones and listen to music. If they pull the headphones off your head, put on the earbuds. When all else fails, stand up and leave. Let them know that you will not tolerate their bullying. If the bullies get physically violent, you have the right to report them to the authorities.


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## surra (Oct 1, 2012)

Athena Avril said:


> I get verbally abused my male and female students and female teachers alike during primary school, and I can very much see what you mean. When I was in college, the teachers were much better and do not verbally bully me anymore. However, there's still a small clique of girls who publicly embarrass me over all kinds of things.
> 
> Stop talking to them and avoid them as much as you can help it. Bring some headphones and earbuds (those to block out noise) everywhere you go. When somebody verbally abuses you, put on your earphones and listen to music. If they pull the headphones off your head, put on the earbuds. When all else fails, stand up and leave. Let them know that you will not tolerate their bullying. If the bullies get physically violent, you have the right to report them to the authorities.


Teachers bullied me as well and that's the hardest thing. Even if I had made a report it would not have been effective. Teachers cover their ass. Now I'm at a new school and try to keep my appearances so nobody there begins a fight with me.


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

surra said:


> Teachers bullied me as well and that's the hardest thing. Even if I had made a report it would not have been effective. Teachers cover their ass. Now I'm at a new school and try to keep my appearances so nobody there begins a fight with me.


I have one example: When I was a child, I have some health problems that render me unable to participate in gym classes. I submitted a doctor's letter to the admin office, and told my gym teacher about my condition.

I can't remember what exactly she said, but she said "Oh, you are making excuses. You asked your parents to write that letter, didn't you?" and proceeded to grab me by the necktie or collar, dragging me around like a dog. It's extremely humiliating, but my 9 year-old self can't resist her strong arms. 

After the lesson, she went to the office to check, and found out that my doctor's letter is legitimate. She treated me with more respect after that.

Goes to show that these teachers do fear authority. If you see other pupils being bullied by that same teacher, all of you should send a report to the school administration together. He/she may not lose the job, but is most likely need to have a meeting with the principal or school board for misbehaviour and bad conduct.

Do not be afraid just because they are authority figures. There's always somebody that they are answerable to.

I hope that your peers at the new school treat you better. All the best!


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## rosegeranium (Apr 1, 2013)

I've noticed that there are two types of teachers: those who teach because they truly want to teach, and those that just suck at life. The ones that suck at life are often the embodiment of the, "those who can, do. those that can't, teach," phrase. A lot of teachers also become teachers because they want to be cool and still feel like they are in highschool or college, and in spite of all the work and little pay, it is a fairly easy profession in the sense that it is not hard to become a teacher. 

All the cynical, slacker assholes I've known through life become teachers. Then there are the awesome people that really love to teach or that are teaching because that is the only job they can take at the time, but are not assholes.

Women teachers often suck. They seem to kiss ass to their students more and a lot of them are attracted to their male students. Male teachers can be jerks and womanize young girls but not like women teachers(unless they are PE coaches!). And again, you have an instance of females enabling men. Female students flirt with these male teachers, and female teachers favor male students. Yes, the men are in the wrong too, but the women are enabling everything. They seem to hold this notion, "Well men are gonna do it anyway." It's like, uh, that's not the point girly! We're women, we need to stop letting men act like assholes.

You will also notice that, as a woman, if you are bullied by boys these boys are usually very insecure and weak. Even if they act like jocks or tough guys, there is something "girly" or prissy about them. I'm not here to demonize women, I know I have very strong opinions. I'm just saying that the "negative feminine" plays a lot into bullying by the opposite sex rather than the "positive feminine".


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## Pyromaniac (Apr 2, 2013)

Jane the Ripper said:


> I've only been bullied by women


Same, and they get special treatment. Like one time in primary, this girl swore at my parents and my best friend knowing full well I had the temper of a lion, and I pushed her (gently, she moved like a yard from me). She proceeded to just uncontrollably swing her arms into me. I got her hands and pushed her away again, a bit further, and when the teacher came she sunk down to the floor and cried. The teacher was furious with me, while she got chocolates and the company of 3 comforting teachers. 

I feel so disadvantages to girls. They benefit so much from society. I can guarantee I wouldn't have been treated near as insensitively by the police after reporting my step dad for abuse. They spat in my face. Said I had a vendetta against my step dad, and left, and that was the end of that. I just can't bring myself to imagine that happening to a girl. It pisses me off.


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## Gantz (Sep 24, 2012)

Ace Face said:


> Dumbass got his ass kicked, and in front of all of the other guys, too.


I don't mean to undermine what you did, and I don't mean to suggest he didn't deserve it, but you have to realise that in these sorts of situations, girls are at a huge advantage. It's a huge taboo for a boy to hit a girl in our society, so if he did do that he'd have probably be in a similar/worse position. He'd either be known as the guy who got beaten by a girl, or a girl basher. The only option he had was to stand still and take your attack, so if you came at him seriously, which clearly you did, he had no hope. I just want you to realise the power you have over guys because of society, and I'm going to go all cliche on you and say with great power comes great responsibility. Even in the event that a guy would be able to take you in a fight, he wouldn't, because society. So it's hard to say whether or not you actually would have actually beaten the guy who was bullying you.


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## rosegeranium (Apr 1, 2013)

Ignitus said:


> Same, and they get special treatment. Like one time in primary, this girl swore at my parents and my best friend knowing full well I had the temper of a lion, and I pushed her (gently, she moved like a yard from me). She proceeded to just uncontrollably swing her arms into me. I got her hands and pushed her away again, a bit further, and when the teacher came she sunk down to the floor and cried. The teacher was furious with me, while she got chocolates and the company of 3 comforting teachers.
> 
> I feel so disadvantages to girls. They benefit so much from society. I can guarantee I wouldn't have been treated near as insensitively by the police after reporting my step dad for abuse. They spat in my face. Said I had a vendetta against my step dad, and left, and that was the end of that. I just can't bring myself to imagine that happening to a girl. It pisses me off.


What? Did the police literally spit, as in spew saliva, at your face? That's really lame, they should have their badges taken from them. An officer should never spit in someone's face. Very unprofessional. 

Yeah, girls have in better in modern society nowadays. But I guarantee you that the police that spat in your face would probably wanted to do MORE than that to a girl claiming her stepdad was abusing her. People that are nasty aren't selective if they around people weaker than them. It's just that if they aren't very careful women will file for sexual harassment, where men are very unlikely to do that.

It's ok though, there are a lot of really nice women out there too. They tend to be a bit quieter though, and therefore less noticed.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

surra said:


> So speaking about being harassed by boys. Anxiety. I have some sort of feel a man can be evil sometimes to a woman and pretend interest in me. I also had a body image issue. Wrath issue. Can no longer take bullying. This sounds really horrible but I know I will avenge if this happens ever again to me. It's too much for me to take anymore because I've been bullied years on end. Can't take it. It needs to stop. Too bad it's hard.


I know how it feels. The best you can do is stop giving them attention. If you stop giving them as much "show" as they want they will get bored and move on. Don't get yourself be hit, if they hit you, hit back. Keep your pride, look forward, you're marvelous everyday.


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## Pyromaniac (Apr 2, 2013)

rosegeranium said:


> What? Did the police literally spit, as in spew saliva, at your face? That's really lame, they should have their badges taken from them. An officer should never spit in someone's face. Very unprofessional.
> 
> Yeah, girls have in better in modern society nowadays. But I guarantee you that the police that spat in your face would probably wanted to do MORE than that to a girl claiming her stepdad was abusing her. People that are nasty aren't selective if they around people weaker than them. It's just that if they aren't very careful women will file for sexual harassment, where men are very unlikely to do that.
> 
> It's ok though, there are a lot of really nice women out there too. They tend to be a bit quieter though, and therefore less noticed.


No no no, it was a metaphoric phase.

Eh... I think girls would attract a lot more empathy and care than I ever got from police, teachers and a social worker alike. Like seriously, the policeman even told me I should have behaved. 1. That's like telling a raped woman she shouldn't have been out at night, 2. All I did for what I got, was challenging my step-dad's right to threaten my education. I simply kept repeating 'You can't threaten my education'.

Completely agreed.


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

rosegeranium said:


> I've noticed that there are two types of teachers: those who teach because they truly want to teach, and those that just suck at life. The ones that suck at life are often the embodiment of the, "those who can, do. those that can't, teach," phrase. A lot of teachers also become teachers because they want to be cool and still feel like they are in highschool or college, and in spite of all the work and little pay, it is a fairly easy profession in the sense that it is not hard to become a teacher.
> 
> All the cynical, slacker assholes I've known through life become teachers. Then there are the awesome people that really love to teach or that are teaching because that is the only job they can take at the time, but are not assholes.
> 
> ...


I have had some wonderful, as well as some downright horrible teachers. It all boils down to whether the teacher loves others' children as much as their own, and whether they have passion for teaching.

I find that this trend of teacher-student relationship increasing lately. I understand that some of these couples are truly in love, but there's always a chance of exploitation and favourism. However, if a student and teacher wants to pursue a relationship when the student is no longer studying in the school/teacher no longer teaching in school, then it's their own business. 

Not that I refuse to be open-minded, but teachers having any personal relationship with the students is against the school rules and conduct.

I can't really remember who my tormentors are, but I do remember them always hanging around in large groups and constantly seeking the approval of others, regardless of whether they are male or female. On the other hand, I used to always hanging around alone and I never agree with someone when I don't. 

Currently, I know an acquaintance whom you might consider as "girly", but I don't see him bullying anybody. Not all of them are like that.

So, are you saying that they targeted me because I have something that they don't: Self-esteem?


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

AyaSullivan said:


> I know how it feels. The best you can do is stop giving them attention. If you stop giving them as much "show" as they want they will get bored and move on. Don't get yourself be hit, if they hit you, hit back. Keep your pride, look forward, you're marvelous everyday.


I agree with you on the 'stop giving them attention' part.

A word of caution: When they hit you, it's likely a trap. If you hit them back, they will find ways to blame you and make themselves look innocent.

Unless the bullies put you in danger and you needs to hit them back as self-defense, never hit back. Instead, report to the authorities.


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## rosegeranium (Apr 1, 2013)

Athena Avril said:


> I have had some wonderful, as well as some downright horrible teachers. It all boils down to whether the teacher loves others' children as much as their own, and whether they have passion for teaching.
> 
> I find that this trend of teacher-student relationship increasing lately. I understand that some of these couples are truly in love, but there's always a chance of exploitation and favourism. However, if a student and teacher wants to pursue a relationship when the student is no longer studying in the school/teacher no longer teaching in school, then it's their own business.
> 
> ...


Ok, so yeah, somtimes they are in love but rarely. Not that it can't happen. But usually it is all game playing.

As to your acquaintance, when I say "girly"...I don't mean feminine or that he likes girly things, let me clarify that. Ummm, it's more like male bullies seem at odds with their girlieness. Like it's there, and they feel really uncomfortable about it. And it will come out in two ways- cattiness(negative "female" traits) and brutishness (negative "male" traits). Also, I've noticed that a lot of male bullies have really domineering mothers that pressure them a lot, or mothers that totally spoil them, but never really understand their emotional needs. They seek the approval of females that are "alpha" or that will coddle them in some way, but that are still superficial.

Yeah, pretty much. They also see you having traits that scare them. Like they are all about their parent's approval, their parents rule their lives. Their parents are probably like, "You'd better make me proud or I won't ever love you! Don't be weird, don't be introverted, don't act like a sissy! Make me proud, grrrrr!" So they see you and you reflect all these traits that they are told are "bad" and they also resent you for being able to have those traits. I think your self esteem is just taking hits because you don't feel supported by others that would understand you.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Athena Avril said:


> I agree with you on the 'stop giving them attention' part.
> 
> A word of caution: When they hit you, it's likely a trap. If you hit them back, they will find ways to blame you and make themselves look innocent.
> 
> Unless the bullies put you in danger and you needs to hit them back as self-defense, never hit back. Instead, report to the authorities.


That can happen, yes, but I rather keep my pride than being beat up for their own fun.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Gantz said:


> I don't mean to undermine what you did, and I don't mean to suggest he didn't deserve it, but you have to realise that in these sorts of situations, girls are at a huge advantage. It's a huge taboo for a boy to hit a girl in our society, so if he did do that he'd have probably be in a similar/worse position. He'd either be known as the guy who got beaten by a girl, or a girl basher. The only option he had was to stand still and take your attack, so if you came at him seriously, which clearly you did, he had no hope. I just want you to realise the power you have over guys because of society, and I'm going to go all cliche on you and say with great power comes great responsibility. Even in the event that a guy would be able to take you in a fight, he wouldn't, because society. So it's hard to say whether or not you actually would have actually beaten the guy who was bullying you.


First of all, it doesn't actually matter. Secondly, I was treated like a guy in high school. I love lifting. I was benching 210 by the time I was 8th grade. A lot of the guys were intimidated by me. I'm a very muscular, strong person, and I fight smart. I'm not trying to brag, but I've laid out my fair share of people, and each and everyone of them deserved it. I was taught how to fight at a very young age, and I've carried it without me throughout my life. You don't know this kid. He wasn't that hard to beat because I all I had to do was taunt him mentally and get him angry when he fought. He fought stupidly, and wasted a lot of energy on missing his punches. He tried, he just failed. And he was mad. I made sure he was mad. He wasn't there trying to take it easy on me, let me tell ya, lol.


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## knittigan (Sep 2, 2011)

For the most part, I was fortunate to be left alone for most of my childhood and adolescence, but I did experience two instances of bullying. The first was by a male classmate in the eighth grade who used to sexually harass me and stalk me and at one point came up behind me and started rubbing the tentacles of a dead squid all over my neck and shoulders after I skipped a dissection for being too squeamish. It was a poor decision on his part because not only did he get severely reprimanded by our teacher and administration who adored me, but virtually everyone in our class shunned him and started bullying him for what he did to me. The second instance was during my first year of college by two girls who lived in my dorm and presumably found me to be snobby or something because I was an introvert, wasn't interested in participating in dorm activities, and didn't want to be friends with them.


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## Random User (Apr 5, 2013)

I have been bullied by females before, but I got just as angry as I did with males that messed with me. That said, not many males bullied (if by bullied you mean teased, because that's generally what I got) me, while females seemed to love teasing me for various things, like my sexuality at the time, my hobbies, my behaviour, etcetera. I have even had my Gameboy stolen and smashed by some female bullies, to which I responded with violence, which ended my getting bullied.


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## Jman Ninja (Apr 4, 2013)

Random User said:


> I have been bullied by females before, but I got just as angry as I did with males that messed with me. That said, not many males bullied (if by bullied you mean teased, because that's generally what I got) me, while females seemed to love teasing me for various things, like my sexuality at the time, my hobbies, my behaviour, etcetera. I have even had my Gameboy stolen and smashed by some female bullies, to which I responded with violence, which ended my getting bullied.


See? Violence solves all the problems.


*Exaggeration*


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## Random User (Apr 5, 2013)

Jman Ninja said:


> See? Violence solves all the problems.
> 
> 
> *Exaggeration*


It may not solve all problems, but it can solve some.


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## Gantz (Sep 24, 2012)

Ace Face said:


> He wasn't there trying to take it easy on me, let me tell ya, lol.


Fair enough then. _Please don't hurt me, scary lady._


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

knittigan said:


> For the most part, I was fortunate to be left alone for most of my childhood and adolescence, but I did experience two instances of bullying. The first was by a male classmate in the eighth grade who used to sexually harass me and stalk me and at one point came up behind me and started rubbing the tentacles of a dead squid all over my neck and shoulders after I skipped a dissection for being too squeamish. It was a poor decision on his part because not only did he get severely reprimanded by our teacher and administration who adored me, but virtually everyone in our class shunned him and started bullying him for what he did to me. The second instance was during my first year of college by two girls who lived in my dorm and presumably found me to be snobby or something because I was an introvert, wasn't interested in participating in dorm activities, and didn't want to be friends with them.


 By the Void! You were almost in a hentai! You poor thing! *hugs*

I was stalked too, when I was 12 by a guy who was 15 or 16 at the time. My classmates found that really cute and romantic and wanted me to date him but I wasn't interest. They wanted me to sit on his lap and be hugged by him. That kind of abuse both by him and by classmates really affected my vision of men and relationships. I used to have a crush on a guy back then and they also used and bet on me because of that. And when I mean bet, I mean money. They bet money on the fact that I would do X or Y. I recently found one of the guys who bet on me (the one I had the crush on) and it's funny to realize that he never ever thought that I could be traumatized and because of that that I want nothing physical with him because of his previous actions.


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

AyaSullivan said:


> That can happen, yes, but I rather keep my pride than being beat up for their own fun.


Be careful when that happens, though. Some of those bullies have gangs.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Athena Avril said:


> Be careful when that happens, though. Some of those bullies have gangs.


Don't worry, I'm aware.


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

rosegeranium said:


> Ok, so yeah, somtimes they are in love but rarely. Not that it can't happen. But usually it is all game playing.
> 
> As to your acquaintance, when I say "girly"...I don't mean feminine or that he likes girly things, let me clarify that. Ummm, it's more like male bullies seem at odds with their girlieness. Like it's there, and they feel really uncomfortable about it. And it will come out in two ways- cattiness(negative "female" traits) and brutishness (negative "male" traits). Also, I've noticed that a lot of male bullies have really domineering mothers that pressure them a lot, or mothers that totally spoil them, but never really understand their emotional needs. They seek the approval of females that are "alpha" or that will coddle them in some way, but that are still superficial.
> 
> Yeah, pretty much. They also see you having traits that scare them. Like they are all about their parent's approval, their parents rule their lives. Their parents are probably like, "You'd better make me proud or I won't ever love you! Don't be weird, don't be introverted, don't act like a sissy! Make me proud, grrrrr!" So they see you and you reflect all these traits that they are told are "bad" and they also resent you for being able to have those traits. I think your self esteem is just taking hits because you don't feel supported by others that would understand you.


Well, either way, a teacher having a relationship with a student is against the school rules, so I don't recommend it.

I feel kind of sorry for those bullies, but they still shouldn't have take their anger on others. I didn't choose to be an oddball, an introvert or a tomboy (that's what others label me as), I was born this way.

Speaking of "coddling", it makes me think of coddled eggs. :laughing:

When I was on primary and secondary school, I didn't have any friends who truly understand me. Everybody is obsessed with being "cool", so they prefer to join the bullies' gangs instead of being friends with me (the uncool one). Today, I have quite a few friends, but none of those people are supportive.


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## The Nightwalker (Oct 24, 2012)

When I was young I got bullied by my babysitter's daughter and her friend (both a few years older). Wasn't that serious and I can't remember it much, I did hate going to that babysitter because of that. 

I do remember when one time her older daughter came and totally saved me for a day. We played sonic the hedgehog while the others were forced to sit out :laughing:.


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## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

I wasn't bullied by definition, meaning one or a few individuals incessantly and mercilessly picked on me constantly to make my life a living hell like many other kids endure, but I experienced teasing and shaming by a few male classmates mainly through my elementary and middle school years.

In elementary school, there was this one kid who'd laugh at me and call me "Susie Scribbles" and taunt me about some physical flaws I got from a babyhood accident. This kind of taunting occurred usually on the playground, during recess when I'd enjoy some dodgeball with my classmates. I felt really mortified for being singled out like that. Perhaps this also helps to explain why I have a default mentality that no one will ever have my back because no one ever stuck up for me back then when he'd tease me. I sucked it up but felt lousy inside. To this day, I see myself as a lone wolf, and I've learned to accept to stand alone even though it hurts like a bitch at times to subconsciously believe no one will defend me. 

In middle school, I can think of two guys in particular who'd make me feel uncomfortable being around them because they were loose cannons and jokesters, who would blurt out insensitive remarks about anyone, including me. When it came to my physical imperfections, they would point it out in joking ways. Needless to say, this also contributed to my internalizing things more and keeping as low of a profile as I could throughout my school years. 

I chalk up that teasing to childhood and teenage insecurity, which tends to affect nearly everyone at some point. I'd be a liar, however, if I said such words to taunt me didn't hurt and affect me. Words certainly wield great power to destroy or uplift.


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## Jerzy Urban (Apr 6, 2013)

''This is what happens when you give women equal rights''















And yes this is a joke.


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## Sun Lips (Jan 28, 2013)

I was bullied by both genders.

My experience was that when girls bullied me, they knew they were being mean. When boys bullied me, they thought they were paying me a compliment.


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## chimeric (Oct 15, 2011)

I was bullied more by girls, actually. Guys didn't pay me much attention at all until I stopped being ugly. Heh. I think they thought of me as a joke but not really worth their time/energy.

Middle school girls can be nasty creatures, though.


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