# I'm going to be an enneagram 8



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

I know many of you don't think its a choice thing. But I'm choosing to be an enneagram eight.

I'm an ISTP and I don't fit all of the stereotypes of eight. When I'm insecure or unhappy with life I'll actually turn into a 9 and just daydream constantly and uncontrollably. But if there is something I enjoy doing, I become so enthusiastic about it that people are wierded out by it (they'll say things like, "ok... lets, lets settle down").

This morning someone told me they think I'm a 9w8. I read nine, and it made a lot of sense. I like to keep an open mind and give others' opinions a chance. So I did. By the end of the day I was totally bummed out at being a 9. It just wasn't what I want to be viewed as in life.

I have a theory that we actually are the personality we find most awesome. So for those of you who are unsure what type you are, I'm pretty sure you're whichever one you think is the coolest. When I first read ISTP, I was like, "No way, that sounds way too awesome to be me!" But I am.

Anyway with this being said I'm tired of sitting here loathing in self pity and analyzing my life and what I've become. At the end of high school I was the KING. I was a nationally ranked gymnast, I was almost a 2nd degree black belt, I wrote music, wrote a book, had tons of great friends and very few enemies.

Then I went to the naval academy and everything just came crashing down. I was kicked off the gymnastics team for being "arrogant." (Which I totally disagree with) I was constantly surrounded by arrogance and insecure alpha males competing for who has the largest penis. It was bad. Really bad.

People would tell me I was arrogant. in fact, everyone told me I was arrogant and overconfident. I didn't believe them at first. But after 2 years of everyone telling you you're arrogant every day, you start to doubt yourself. You start to think "hey, maybe I am arrogant." You want to be seen as humble and approachable. You want to be nice to everyone. You want to be liked. You don't want to be lonely anymore. You look at who you were at high school and think, "what happened to those days?" and mourn their loss. You wonder, "what the fuck did I do wrong that got me in the position I'm in today?"

The answer is that I made a choice to try to appease other peoples' feelings.

Don't ask me why, but when I stop caring about others' feelings and do my own thing, people love me for it. At one point during college I started wearing combat pants and hiking boots with a body hugging running shirt and a track jacket. After a few months my friends started wearing the exact same jacket and stuff. I asked my INFP friend, "is this my jacket?" He replied, "Naw its mine, I liked yours enough that I bought my own." Probably one of the biggest compliments I've recieved.

So there is a strange paradox that goes on in my life that defies logic. Logic would tell you that if you're nice to people they will be nice to you. Wrong.

For whatever reason when I'm too nice to other people, I look insecure and unsure of myself, and people will actually start attacking me. It feels like I'm a pillar supporting the weight of a cave. When my self confidence disappears (the pillar) the rocks above me rain down on me and cause pain (people see that I'm vulnerable and take advantage of the situation to put me down for no reason).

I've been told I'm a womanizer 3 times. It doesn't make any sense. Maybe they're jealous. And I've only had 2 girlfriends since the time of this blog (I've dated a couple others but only one or two dates each.

Anyway the point is this. I just don't give a flying fuck anymore about what people think of me. When people tell me I'm arrogant, I tell them they're inferior and they need to take lessons. Is that mean? You bet. But you know what? That piece of shit should keep his insecure mouth shut because he's wrong. I'm not arrogant at all, because arrogance implies that I talk the talk but cannot walk the walk. I'm all walk baby. All walk. In fact, if I don't talk any talk, people have to find out the hard way that I can walk.

I have friends telling me "you don't want to see me when I'm mad." I'm only tempted to make them angry and see what happens. What are you going to do, yell at me?

So yeah I'm an eight and the more I hear myself talk the more pumped I get and wanna go outside and smash some babies with concrete bricks FUCK YEAH!


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## FreeSpirit (Jun 1, 2011)

Whatever you do- don't feel bad for being nice. Remember,
"Nice things are expensive". Yea, you may pay for being
nice sometimes, but without those shining seconds of
'I am a worthwhile person' you've got nothing.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

I don&#8217;t like to tell people who they are, but when I think with my gut you always come out an 8. I think the 9 wing is strong because you&#8217;re Ti dominant. Ti allows for a lot of calm between storms. And yeah, most ISTPs are gonna be 9s. But the 9s weakness is avoidance and a tendency to bury their head in the sand. And frankly&#8230;I can&#8217;t see you doing that. Ever.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

You seem to have an excellent memory when it comes to things people have said to you, about you, in the past.


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## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

Actually yeah including things I say myself, I brought that up against my enfp ex. She claimed I said things from several months ago in an argument and I told her "no. my words were this: ... "


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## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

FreeSpirit;bt24282 said:


> Whatever you do- don't feel bad for being nice. Remember,
> "Nice things are expensive". Yea, you may pay for being
> nice sometimes, but without those shining seconds of
> 'I am a worthwhile person' you've got nothing.


Oh I'm a very nice person. Only recently have I yelled at people. 3 times. They deserved it. I don't feel good afterward though.


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

I can relate with you. I think when you're being too awesome, people will just suddenly dislike you for unknown reasons. In my previous life, some people told me to change. Like for fuck sake as if I'm gonna adjust myself with your standard! But, it also made me think, yeah probably i should really change. Probably i should be nice.
But the moment i became nice i became depressed that people see me as a weak person. Even now, i still can observe that. 
People likes you when you're being yourself. Regardless of how nice or how Arrogant you are. People can just easily judge others because they're insecure pricks with no life always prying on someone else's life. 
But ofcourse there's still good people around. XD 
It's just a matter of who you should deal with.
Never waste your time nor adjust yourself to someone who wasn't even worth your time or who's not even your friend.
Real friends will accept you no matter how asshole you are.

And with regards with mbti, i feel the same way. I feel like I'm not entitled to be boxed down into a single type just because a stupid personality said it so. 

You can be an estp, an enfp. Or whatever can make you feel like a better person. Anyways it's your life. 

People think it's impossible but it's possible like what the fuck. The mind is frigging powerful.


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## Noodle Dance (Sep 30, 2015)

I get such an 8 vibe from this whole discussion, and it´s just so comforting  even if it feels hopeless at times. The whole arrogance issue could be a strong 6 presence in your tritype? Or maybe SX nature, pushing you to become the alpha?


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