# How to convince SJ parents that I need internet access at home!



## GhostProtagonist (Sep 30, 2011)

I have ISFJ and ESFJ parents who have unlimited internet access at their workplaces and they see no need for me to have internet at home. I love reading blogs, browsing forums, chatting with friends and talking to other budding authors on the internet. To them, me having internet access is not important because they don't use the internet for entertainment and their hobbies, being more interested in physical interests.

What is a way I can show them that I (being a teenager) should have access to the internet? I've tried before but they instantly put up barriers of 'because I said so' and 'when you own your own house, you can have internet.' They're so stubborn on this issue, I can't change their mind. 

I'm interested to see the perspective of an SJ on this issue (I'm an INTP) because I think that your advice would be the most accurate and the most valuable.

(Please ignore my avatar, I lost a bet.)
Also, how would you react if you were told you had no internet access for the next TWO YEARS?


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## SuperfineConcubine (Aug 8, 2011)

removed


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## GhostProtagonist (Sep 30, 2011)

SuperfineConcubine said:


> Damn. I would cry my eyes out. I love the internet. I came from a home where I had internet access granted 24/7, and it was fairly unmonitored.


:sad:

It's hard to prove I deserve the internet when I spend most of my time at boarding school. I do chores. I promise. :happy:

It's not that they think the internet is harmful for me, they just don't understand why I would want or need to use it.

EDIT: No, it's not a cost issue. I guess I'm asking how you would convince yourself if your were a parent who for some reason was completely against your children having internet access.


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## SuperfineConcubine (Aug 8, 2011)

removed


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## GhostProtagonist (Sep 30, 2011)

SuperfineConcubine said:


> I guess the best and only way to approach is discuss it with them. I would just lay it out for them, describe the benefits of having the internet at home. What approaches have you taken? What have you said/asked/discussed with them? Do they usually shut you down immediately? Do they ever give you anything other than "because we said so?"
> 
> Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do if a parent says no. It's their house, their rules. I begged my parents for a trampoline and a pool my entire life. They said "Nooooo" with a quick follow up of "it's our house, you can do what you want when you have your own house." (I am 23 and proud owner of a pool and a trampoline  )


I lost my trampoline when I lost the internet. They shut me down immediately, they know if we get into a debate I'm far more well prepared than they are to argue the subject. I thought passing the year with excellence endorsed would have changed their mind but they stay as stubborn as ever. I could cure cancer and still not have the internet it seems.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

hahha...two SJ parents who see this as a method of properly disciplining their offspring? Fat chance.

I was raised by two SJs and manipulating them out of something that they are convinced is in your own best interest is probably not going to work. 

Things you can do: get a job, pay for your own internet. Not that expensive if your parents pay for everything else. Or go to the library on a regular basis and hang out there.

My SJ grandparents were always totally down for me hanging out at the library, even if my friends were there hanging out too. In their minds, it was a safe, respectable public place.

Even if it's not a cost issue, offering to get a job to acquire something you want will establish to them that they raised you well with their SJ values. My SJs were exceedingly happy I was inclined to work as a teenager, and I was actually required to pay my own car insurance if I chose to drive, although they bought the car. It's how they taught me personal responsibility.

Expecting SJs to _just hand you things_ against their own better judgment is just LOL. Show them that you're working for it and making effort, and they'll be more likely to concede.


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## GhostProtagonist (Sep 30, 2011)

fourtines said:


> hahha...two SJ parents who see this as a method of properly disciplining their offspring? Fat chance.
> 
> I was raised by two SJs and manipulating them out of something that they are convinced is in your own best interest is probably not going to work.
> 
> ...


God, your avatar is going to give me nightmares. . . I have enough to pay for internet and I have a holiday job (department store) and I can't understand why they won't let me pay for it myself? I would even pay to have it installed but they are stubborn as ever. We've had internet in the past and I can't understand why it is such a struggle to have it now.


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## Empty (Sep 28, 2011)

SJ responses have been... interesting.


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## Owfin (Oct 15, 2011)

Pride said:


> SJ responses have been... interesting.


How so? 10characters


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

I can't speak for other SJs, but if I were your father and I'd decided you didn't need Internet access, I'd need to be thoroughly convinced otherwise. The way to do that with me would be to approach me with some very well thought out and specific arguments about what you need the Internet for. I want proof. The stereotype is that SJs are rigid and resolute, but that's only part of the bigger picture. _I will change my mind if you show me it's time to._

I'm going to make some assumptions as to what their problem is, so I could be way off. It may be that the things you want the Internet access for (reading blogs, browsing forums, chatting with friends and talking to other budding authors on the internet) are not easy to pitch as needs... because they aren't needs. If you instead were using the Internet access so you could do research for school or just for your own betterment, that might be more palatable to them.

Maybe you could try telling them you've developed an interest in psychology and personality theory and you want to learn more about it on a forum.

Good luck. The Internet is pretty bitchin'.

*swims in the plentiful zeroes and ones of FiOS*


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## Empty (Sep 28, 2011)

Just completely different rationales for what they consider important/unimportant and their philosophies on dealing with family/parents/children.

I would be more afraid of stifling a child's creativity, introspection and critical analysis - even toward myself - than trying to shift my personal biases of what I wanted or did not when younger onto them.



> If my son was generally unhelpful with chores, didn't do anything outside of school, etc, this wouldn't work on me


I've always hated reward & punishment models for children. While this is a subjective bias of mine, I prefer to operate on more of an individual case basis than somehow correlate "proper" behavior with some type of "privilege." Especially if "proper" meant participating in extracurricular activities such as sports or doing stuff outside of school... 

Perhaps because I am an INTP and this is how I operate but I've made it a principle of mine to let children make decisions for themselves whenever possible and only intervene should they choose something self-destructive - and then still taking the onus of explaining the rationality behind the motivations of my intervention. 

I see the internet as an outlet of growth and curiosity - there are a lot of fucked up shit on here for sure, but I am also a cynic - children will eventually figure it out anyway. More importantly is dialogue, rationality, and honestly, in my humble opinion. In my brute callousness I will also say this - dumb children ought to be controlled far more than smart children, because smart children will eventually figure out that your controls may not be logically consistent in the first place.

I see words being thrown around here, such as "needs," and "betterment," as extremely subjective and open to interpretation. To cite those things as "reasons" is as absurd as citing "because I said so" as a legitimate, logical reason. To only consider physiological needs as legitimate reasons to deny a child anything else is ludicrous. It is akin to being an overzealous religious fanatic.

My ex-stepfather was an SJ of some sort and my entire childhood until my early college years have been hell - not physically, but psychologically. Unrelenting SJs and dissatisfied NTs is a terrible combination, but I think much more difficult and traumatic if the parent(s) is of the SJ temperament because their very disposition requires obedience and the rule of law - even a SJ child could still disagree with the SJ parent consistently. I have a great ISTJ friend who is very intelligent and logical - but his method of interaction still drives me insane. I would _hate_ to be his son... my god... I would probably commit suicide sooner or later.


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## kittychris07 (Jun 15, 2010)

I'd suggest trying to convince your parents that it will be helpful for you to have the internet for schooling purposes (like you need it to do homework. If they tried the counterargument that they can take you to the local library to finish your work, then try to argue that going to a local library is no good, since they kick you off the computers after an hour so that you cannot finish your work. Thus, you need to have the Internet to get your school work done better.


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