# WOMEN: How important is your orgasm?



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Jenny you are speaking much more clearly than me on this topic! I appreciate your contribution


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Jennywocky said:


> ... all of which leads to the suggestion of.. "MOAH FOREPLAY!"


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Maybe you can focus on holding back to connect with her, not holding back to make her orgasm. Again, to me that leads to a very different experience.
> 
> I don't want to give the impression that this is the One Right Way. Only to explain that the performance aspect is a turn-off for myself and some other women.
> 
> Currently the results are 11 votes for yes and I keep going, 13 votes for meh, if it happens it happens.


You may not understand what's at work here. The "holding back" stuff really amounts to the physical and mental discipline, comparable to an athletic event or some sort of mental and physical Zen asceticism. We guys, when young, are on a freaking hair trigger and we come (ha!) at orgasms from the opposite direction than do women - we essentially have to learn how to relax and have them _less quickly _while women have to learn how to relax to _enable _orgasms. For guys, it's like Frankie said: "Relax, don't do it." 

It varies woman to woman, but there are some partners with whom the pressure points that their vagina creates on my penis cause such intensely pleasureful sensations that I'm going right off that cliff in seconds practically. If I'm nervous (and realizing that I'm in that situation, with a new partner, doesn't help at all) then it's worse. 

There's a definitely tipping point at which guys simply can't hold back anymore, and guys almost have to mentally detach a little, in other words take their own mind's natural focus off of the pleasure that their body is experiencing, to avoid that tipping point, meaning not allow themselves to get anywhere close to it before they want to. It's very difficult, along the lines of someone telling you, "Don't think of elephants", and elephants of course therefore becoming the focus of your thoughts. 

For me, the feeling itself is only part of the problem - thinking of certain favorite erotic parts of my partner's body - the curve of her waist and hips; the small of her back; the way she moves in that pleasureful, feminine way; etc., can also push me over the cliff, so I may even have to switch off a little visually too. At its worst, when I'm struggling the most, the Austin Powers line about (trying to think about) baseball, cold showers and Margaret Thatcher on a cold day is so true. 

Yeah, a guy can engage in this stuff out of ego - I still do on some level, especially with a new(er) partner - but that tendency always declines over time for me with a partner with whom I've got little left to "prove" in that regard. Don't underestimate the fact that it really sucks for a guy to think that he went through all of the buildup to sex - the proverbial drinks, dinner, foreplay, etc. - finally got her to trust him and find the right mood, only to have it all over inside five minutes with her barely settled in and (probably) not orgasming. That's an awkward moment right there and it's impossible not to feel like you've let her down and be embarrassed, however silly you might think that is. (In those moments, BTW, you need to feel your way through the damage to the fragile male ego at its worst. Expressing "sympathy" will only make it worse, and silence is pretty awful as well. My suggestion would be to reassure him as non-verbally as possible, meaning cuddle in, arm around him, and say something simple like, "I'm so glad we could share this, " or some similar thing that expresses enjoyment and doesn't refer to the brevity of the thing, and leave it at that unless he wants to talk about it." 

My experience from listening to both men and women is that it's the rare guy who's the proverbial neanderthal who's looking for "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" and doesn't give a shit about your pleasure. The bigger problem likely is that a lot of men (and probably most who are under 30), simply don't know what the fuck they're doing.

The good news is that once that "discipline" is more or less mastered, both mentally as well as (I think) the body becoming a little less sensitive, you can pay a lot of direct attention to your partner and her pleasure. I'm beyond the point of being overstimulated easy, and in fact anatomically I'm "perfect" with my girlfriend in that I've not had any problems, ever, finishing before I wanted to with her and yet she loves the feeling of me inside her and can orgasm readily. I've always therefore been able to be very attuned to what she wants, talking to her (we have these interludes where we stop moving very much and talk, which I've always liked), etc. It in turn enables the emotional connection. 

* Here's a big suggestion to the women*: tell your (new) man, unprompted, that if he needs to slow down, to tell you so that you can help him. Keep it simple, just like that. That's a nice confidence boost right there, because 1) it shows him that you're not all about you; 2) you understand that it can be difficult for him; and 3) you want to work with him to have a mutually pleasurable experience. 

Then of course it's important to not just slow down but STOP moving completely if he speaks up. I mean it, not even a twitch. Even a little movement may mean that he can't hold back in those moments, depending upon how close he got to the "cliff". It won't have to be for long, at most for a minute or two, and then he'll restart it (not you). You can still talk - you don't need to be a corpse, but observe what he's doing and try to go with it. 

Jesus, I've written a lot.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Jennywocky said:


> Well, okay, I do empathize a lot with that and know that you guys often are stuck doing high-school math tables, stock market quotes, and baseball statistics in your head in order to keep the rocket from launching prematurely... which is highly appreciated.  I know that's not a lot of fun.
> 
> ... all of which leads to the suggestion of.. "MOAH FOREPLAY!"


More oral works well too. I've always liked it, but I figured out during a certain stretch of time when I was having trouble with, erm, firearms safety, that giving a couple of orgasms from going down on her first "guaranteed" a good time even if I wasn't able to perform as I wanted to. As I've gathered, a lot of men just don't know to pleasure a woman orally, even to the extent that they're interested to begin with.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

redmanXNTP said:


> You may not understand what's at work here. The "holding back" stuff really amounts to the physical and mental discipline, comparable to an athletic event or some sort of mental and physical Zen asceticism. We guys, when young, are on a freaking hair trigger and we come (ha!) at orgasms from the opposite direction than do women - we essentially have to learn how to relax and have them _less quickly _while women have to learn how to relax to _enable _orgasms. For guys, it's like Frankie said: "Relax, don't do it."
> 
> It varies woman to woman, but there are some partners with whom the pressure points that their vagina creates on my penis cause such intensely pleasureful sensations that I'm going right off that cliff in seconds practically. If I'm nervous (and realizing that I'm in that situation, with a new partner, doesn't help at all) then it's worse.
> 
> ...


Well, I do understand that guys can have hair triggers, and if they are incredibly attracted to that person it is worse. I imagine less experienced guys have theoretical knowledge about how to last longer but they still need to learn how to apply it because they didn't realize how damn good it would feel. 

I also understand how disappointed a guy could be to have all that build up and then it is likely that the woman didn't orgasm. I've never given sympathy - I take the route you described more often. Cuddling, "that was a lot of fun and we should do it again sometime," etc. 

As for slowing down, well that serves two purposes (for me anyway). Slow works better for me usually, I like the teasing aspect. 

You might be right that men are less likely neaderthalic and more likely inexperienced or haven't mastered that self-control yet. At any rate, and back to the original theme, that doesn't matter to me. I've never had a partner who consistently orgasms before I do. If he did, I would respond thoughtfully and indirectly - as in, I'd not tell him it's okay. I'd just start being more verbal about what I like. I might even shoulder the blame and say my body is just really complex and doesn't always do things the way I want. I find that would be more effective at countering the guilt he could feel. In my view it doesn't need to be a reason to feel guilty. It is just a challenge to overcome, and the process of doing so is very enjoyable - so no need for bad feelings. 

I suppose some of this stuff comes with maturity and self-awareness.

ETA: I think I have given the impression that I don't get the male struggle on this issue, and that's not the case. I just don't think guys need to put so much pressure on themselves to be sex gods. Yes, more communication is going to help - no question about that. But if it doesn't happen as he envisions it, that's not the end of the world. I'm all for taking the pressure off (but applying the right kind of pressure is good too ^_^).


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Well, I do understand that guys can have hair triggers, and if they are incredibly attracted to that person it is worse. I imagine less experienced guys have theoretical knowledge about how to last longer but they still need to learn how to apply it because they didn't realize how damn good it would feel.
> 
> I also understand how disappointed a guy could be to have all that build up and then it is likely that the woman didn't orgasm. I've never given sympathy - I take the route you described more often. Cuddling, "that was a lot of fun and we should do it again sometime," etc.
> 
> ...


Yes. And what you said is great too - womens' bodies (and minds, and sexuality) are complex and require a lot of understanding. 

Also, I suspect that some of the "neanderthal" behavior is in fact guys acting cold, disinterested or dismissive to cover for feeling like they let you down or that they don't know what they're doing. 

BTW, if a guy truly is a neanderthal, that type of guy's greatest fear would be you letting the world know that he doesn't know WTF he's doing in bed, so file that one away if it ever comes (or not  ) to that...


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Jenny you are speaking much more clearly than me on this topic! I appreciate your contribution


You don't do yourself enough justice - you speak unclearly on every topic.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

redmanXNTP said:


> Yes. And what you said is great too - womens' bodies (and minds, and sexuality) are complex and require a lot of understanding.
> 
> Also, I suspect that some of the "neanderthal" behavior is in fact guys acting cold, disinterested or dismissive to cover for feeling like they let you down or that they don't know what they're doing.
> 
> BTW, if a guy truly is a neanderthal, that type of guy's greatest fear would be you letting the world know that he doesn't know WTF he's doing in bed, so file that one away if it ever comes (or not  ) to that...


Hooray for potential ammo haha... I have only had one selfish lover. The relationship didn't last long. He knew what he was doing, he was just really lazy - and I suspect he had some sexuality issues that he wasn't done sorting out yet. (Note that I am not saying that to boost my ego in the wake of lukewarm reception. He talked a LOT (and smiled a lot) about his professor for a Gay culture class, and was really interested in this mini-series around homosexuality called Angels in America. My sexuality comment had more to do with his interests than the way he treated me in bed.)

For me even if things finish quickly, I can look past it if I see that they want me along for the ride. And generally if I see that they were trying to consider my needs I go out of my way to make it okay that it didn't work the way they wanted. If that happened all of the time, for weeks, I'd have trouble and would start problem-solving. If they are hyper-focused on my performance, that turns me off but I find ways to communicate that. 

It's too bad that our culture treats sex as this shameful thing. Most women I know were not raised to be comfortable being very verbal about what works for them, and that cultural shaming inhibits a woman's healthy self-exploration so sometimes they don't even know what works for them. So you have women conditioned to be passive and potentially confused, and guys conditioned to be stoic about things and potentially confused - not a recipe for a very aware or mutually satisfying experience. I think most people learn to overcome that conditioning, though.


redmanXNTP said:


> You don't do yourself enough justice - you speak unclearly on every topic.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

redmanXNTP said:


> ...Jesus, I've written a lot.


Yup. 

But it was good stuff, and articulated well. I really got a grasp of things from what you've said.
(I don't know if there was a pun in there somewhere... but there might as well be.) I appreciated the final block of advice.

Kind of amusing, but I never really considering Frankie in that light, and now the line makes SO much more sense; and if this forum isn't to explicate cheesy 80's pop music, then what _is _it good for? [Next up: The secret message behind "Take on Me" by A-Ha!]


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Current results
12 say yes it matters a lot
14 say meh, if it happens it happens
3 say I don't care/partner more important


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## dilletante (Apr 13, 2012)

sparkles said:


> Maybe you can focus on holding back to connect with her, not holding back to make her orgasm. Again, to me that leads to a very different experience.


I don't think I really disagree with you on any of this. In my experience, trying to bring your partner to orgasm, and connecting with her, are not mutually exclusive. When I hold back, it is not simply to make her come, but also to extend the entire experience-the connection and the pleasure. Really for me, it is best when we both climax at the same time. Also, for some of us, the most arousing experience possible, is being part of the female orgasm.

After discussing this with my SO, I realize that another issue is the difference in the male and female orgasm. For her, it can be either mild, extreme, or anything in between. It can happen not all, once, twice, or three or four times. And then the g-spot orgasm is a whole different thing. It is definitely more complex than the male sexual response cycle, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

This changes with time and experience, as Redman mentioned. I agree that it is much easier to control now than it was ten years ago. In fact sometimes the act of holding back can lead to a situation where it is hard to get off at all. It also has a lot to do with the development of the pelvic muscle, which important for men and women.

All of this highlights the complexity of sexual interaction, and is part of the beauty of it. If it was always the same or easy and uncomplicated, I don't think it would be nearly as gratifying.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

dilletante said:


> Really for me, it is best when we both climax at the same time.


That's fun when it happens. I don't like when I feel like I'm put on the spot about it, though. 


> After discussing this with my SO, I realize that another issue is the difference in the male and female orgasm. For her, it can be either mild, extreme, or anything in between. It can happen not all, once, twice, or three or four times. And then the g-spot orgasm is a whole different thing. It is definitely more complex than the male sexual response cycle, and I wouldn't want it any other way.


Yup, very different. And women have different types of orgasms, some really intense and expansive (like what I imagine the male orgasm would feel like), and some more flowing and less rocketing but still pleasurable.


> If it was always the same or easy and uncomplicated, I don't think it would be nearly as gratifying.


Agree completely! The mystery and unpredictability is sexy.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

sparkles said:


>


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## Ramysa (Mar 22, 2012)

Orgasm is good but there are many other things to enjoy. It's ok if it doesn't always happen , but it should happen most times.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

@Ramysa: Thanks for sharing your opinion!

Current results
12 yes
15 meh whatever
3 not important


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

dilletante said:


> I don't think I really disagree with you on any of this. In my experience, trying to bring your partner to orgasm, and connecting with her, are not mutually exclusive. When I hold back, it is not simply to make her come, but also to extend the entire experience-the connection and the pleasure. Really for me, it is best when we both climax at the same time. Also, for some of us, the most arousing experience possible, is being part of the female orgasm.
> 
> After discussing this with my SO, I realize that another issue is the difference in the male and female orgasm. For her, it can be either mild, extreme, or anything in between. It can happen not all, once, twice, or three or four times. And then the g-spot orgasm is a whole different thing. It is definitely more complex than the male sexual response cycle, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
> 
> ...


Agreed on all counts. Good post.


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

... And so what would you ladies say when it comes to your partners reaching orgasm then? Particularly if said partner is a guy? Is it just as "unimportant" as long as they're enjoying the experience?

As a demi guy, with my focus being on my partner's needs, I don't particularly care one way or the other if I ever get there or not on my end. But when I haven't, there have been times when my SO has made it known to me that she feels she did something wrong (even when she didn't). And since I'm a guy, well... is it even possible for a guy to fake having an orgasm to please his partner in that respect? :dry:

So it could be said that performance anxiety comes from plenty of different angles.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

GoodOldDreamer said:


> ... And so what would you ladies say when it comes to your partners reaching orgasm then? Particularly if said partner is a guy? Is it just as "unimportant" as long as they're enjoying the experience?


Good point! I can't say for sure - never been in that kind of a situation. Oh wait, yes I have. I realized the reason why, though, and I was okay with it, as it was utterly separate from my contributions. If there weren't an easy explanation then yes, I'd have trouble with it also.... 


> As a demi guy, with my focus being on my partner's needs, I don't particularly care one way or the other if I ever get there or not on my end. But when I haven't, there have been times when my SO has made it known to me that she feels she did something wrong (even when she didn't). And since I'm a guy, well... is it even possible for a guy to fake having an orgasm to please his partner in that respect? :dry:


If he's wearing a condom, yes.


> So it could be said that performance anxiety comes from plenty of different angles.


You're right, and I'm glad you brought this up.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

I know I'm not a female, but I have a comment on this. I was well out of my second real relationship before I ever even encountered the idea that sexual activity without orgasm was fine with a lot (comparative to men) of women. To me, it's always been the goal of a sexual encounter. Not to disparage other views, of course; mine is just pure Te. Sex = enjoyable activity, Goal = orgasm *for all parties involved*. If this goal is not reached occasionally, fine, but it still is the goal.

My last partner was a fellow Te-dom, so it seemed to just work out. I'm glad people discuss issues like this online, though, because now I can watch out for the negatives associated with my mindset in future relationships. I never even considered the possibility of a lady being "pressured to perform." That's a male thing, right? lol

Nice thread.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Sovereign said:


> I never even considered the possibility of a lady being "pressured to perform." That's a male thing, right? lol


Hahaha - hardly. Anyone with social awareness has the possibility of feeling pressure to have the response desired by the other party. I understand how Te would lead to goal-directed approaches without any consideration of the possible negatives in it. 


> Nice thread.


Thanks and I am glad you could take something positive from it!


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## greenfairy026 (Apr 23, 2012)

For me it is very important, but I have a hang-up about it. I have not yet been able to achieve it without the use of a strong vibrator, and I haven't yet with a guy being inside me while using it. 

This has been the issue I feel most insecure about myself with. Being INTP I have to constantly fight feeling like a failure, and this issue makes me feel like a failure both to my partner and to myself. I feel like he won't think I'm sexy or good in bed unless I can be easier to please. I feel like I need to be able to give this to myself in order to be an empowered woman. I also constantly fear rejection, partly because I have the idea that men only want women who are easy to get off.

But this being said, I make sure it happens almost every time. After we do it I use my toys and then I'm happy. I'm empowered in that I know what I like (it's just not traditional) and I make sure I get it, and if he's not ok with that he's not worth doing it with. Although I am a little embarrassed about it.

Even though I know it probably won't happen, I really like a guy to try to get me off. But, if he just does me I'm happy too. I don't really properly understand how to connect with someone during sex I don't think. I've been thinking that that's the source of my hang-up, fearing intimacy and having unclear psychic boundaries. For me sex is just sex. It makes me feel closer to someone afterwards if I have a good time, because I feel validated as a person and physically loved. So I do well with goal-oriented people as long as they are not so much so that they get insulted and discouraged and run away from me. I want someone to put in the time and effort to please me by showing up consistently and being enthusiastic. I can unfortunately be a bit high maintenance because I have a very high libido, and reinforce the stereotype that men should always want sex; because I always want sex and if the guy doesn't he disappoints me.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

The only time my own orgasm isn't important is when I'm going down and I'm making it all about him. Like when he has to sneak home for lunch for a quick nooner or like when I know he needs the oral "alarm clock" to wake up, etc. I _love_ that. Get in (my mouth)-get out-goodbye. I feel I have done my job well 

But otherwise, I mostly have sex to have my orgasms. This is not a problem with me. And my partner's orgasm is also important to me. Their orgasm usually makes me orgasm again, regardless if I just came or not. It's just too sexy when my partner achieves orgasm.

Mmm...orgasms. Yummy yummy yummy. They color my world view for the better and I'll probably put up with your crap a lot longer.


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## dilletante (Apr 13, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> The only time my own orgasm isn't important is when I'm going down and I'm making it all about him. Like when he has to sneak home for lunch for a quick nooner or like when I know he needs the oral "alarm clock" to wake up, etc. I _love_ that. Get in (my mouth)-get out-goodbye. I feel I have done my job well


The oral alarm clock...This is a powerful and effective technique. I will admit, if that's how I wake up, I'm pretty much putty in her hands. Her wish is my command, I'm ready to conquer time and space-you get the idea.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

It's not the main goal in mind. I can give myself an orgasm later if need be, but I can't give myself the rest of what sex with a partner provides.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

16 say very important
17 say if it happens that's cool
3 say not important 


I see some recent posts I want to reply to but it will have to wait until I have more time. Keep being sexy people!


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

dilletante said:


> The oral alarm clock...This is a powerful and effective technique. I will admit, if that's how I wake up, *I'm pretty much putty in her hands.*


 Lol. Wrong place. Ha!


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> when I know he needs the oral "alarm clock" to wake up


The downside of being a stomach sleeper...


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## dilletante (Apr 13, 2012)

@pinkrasputin

Good point..I like how you think.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Jennywocky said:


> Well, okay, I do empathize a lot with that and know that you guys often are stuck doing *high-school math tables, stock market quotes,* and baseball statistics in your head in order to keep the rocket from launching prematurely... which is highly appreciated.  *I know that's not a lot of fun.
> *
> ... all of which leads to the suggestion of.. "MOAH FOREPLAY!"


Wha...this...I, don't even... not fun?? NOT FUN???? Ok...

*goes back to drawing board for new pick up lines not involving math....*


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## CrabbyPaws (Mar 5, 2012)

@pinkrasputin just described the whole adventure of sex for me lol. :happy:


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

I think the problem with a lot of male sexual partners is that, when inexperienced, they assume that all women are as goal orientated as they are and hence tend to neglect the whole 'experience' part of sex, leading to a negative feedback loop which results in dissatisfaction on both sides of the board. 

I also think that young males growing up learning about sex from internet porn doesn't fucking help much either - I _*really *_wish sexual education taught more than where to stick what and for how long :/ 

For me, the biggest turn on is enthusiasm: If a guy acts as though he knows how damn lucky he is to be there I'll reciprocate accordingly; if all he cares about is using me as a glorified hole with breasts attached however, I would really rather not bother.


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## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

It's important to me.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I answered that it's important. I went almost my entire sexual life without them, and maybe back then I would have answered differently but I see them as an extension to the bonding experience of sex. I think they help bring us closer, so I would be slightly let down if he, or I did not have one.


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## geekofalltrades (Feb 8, 2012)

sparkles said:


> Desmond Morris: The Clitoris, A-Spot, G-Spot and U-Spot





> Direct stimulation of this spot can produce violent orgasmic contractions.




Oh my. tenchars


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

L said:


> Wha...this...I, don't even... not fun?? NOT FUN???? Ok...
> 
> *goes back to drawing board for new pick up lines not involving math....*


Don't bother, I found this whole bit mildly erotic.

BRING OUT THE DIFFY Q'S!!!!!


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## greenfairy026 (Apr 23, 2012)

L said:


> Wha...this...I, don't even... not fun?? NOT FUN???? Ok...
> 
> *goes back to drawing board for new pick up lines not involving math....*


I wish I was a derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

I wish I was DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

I wish I was an ion so our bond could produce an exothermic reaction.

Haha I love nerd pick up lines. They're sexy!


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## Vexilla Regis (May 4, 2011)

For me, making love is an emotional experience and I can live without a selfish partner. Especially since I go way out of my way to make sure things are intense and exciting for my partner, I actually study about ways to enhance the experience. For me, its all or nothing.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

greenfairy026 said:


> For me it is very important, but I have a hang-up about it. I have not yet been able to achieve it without the use of a strong vibrator, and I haven't yet with a guy being inside me while using it.
> 
> This has been the issue I feel most insecure about myself with. Being INTP I have to constantly fight feeling like a failure, and this issue makes me feel like a failure both to my partner and to myself. I feel like he won't think I'm sexy or good in bed unless I can be easier to please. I feel like I need to be able to give this to myself in order to be an empowered woman. I also constantly fear rejection, partly because I have the idea that men only want women who are easy to get off.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your honesty. It is very common for women to have lots of trouble achieving orgasm from penetration alone - especially if we're talking about clitoral orgasms. If you say you have an orgasm by using a vibrator while the man is inside of you, I assume you're talking about clitoral stimulation. 

You don't need to feel insecure about this. Plenty of guys don't even know the clitoral orgasm is more like theirs, and plenty of them think regular penetration is all it takes. That's not true in many many cases so you have nothing to be ashamed of. That's just how your body works, and how the body of lots of women works also.

I am so glad you have been with partners who are understanding about this. I went through a phase of being the same way, and my then-SO had lots of trouble with taking it personally. He thought it meant he wasn't good enough or wasn't enough, when really I was just very much set on having clitoral orgasms and even when he focused on that lots of the time I'd go from yeah, yeah, yeah, crap too much too much (lol). Once it's been over-stimulated you can hang it up. So I have been where you are now. I'd encourage you to see what you can do to just relax and let loose. Play. Tease and tickle and whatever blows your skirt. Also play around with other erogenous zones. The article I posted earlier in the thread (Desmond Morris: The Clitoris, A-Spot, G-Spot and U-Spot) can give some good food for thought to your partner, if you want to explore what other kinds of orgasms feel like. 



pinkrasputin said:


> The only time my own orgasm isn't important is when I'm going down and I'm making it all about him. Like when he has to sneak home for lunch for a quick nooner or like when I know he needs the oral "alarm clock" to wake up, etc. I _love_ that. Get in (my mouth)-get out-goodbye. I feel I have done my job well
> 
> But otherwise, I mostly have sex to have my orgasms. This is not a problem with me. And my partner's orgasm is also important to me. Their orgasm usually makes me orgasm again, regardless if I just came or not. It's just too sexy when my partner achieves orgasm.
> 
> Mmm...orgasms. Yummy yummy yummy. They color my world view for the better and I'll probably put up with your crap a lot longer.


Yummy yummy. Delectable. I agree it's less important when the focus is on my partner. Unfortunately, I've tended to be with generous men - this is unfortunate because they tend to fight me when I want to make it all about them. 



Falling Leaves said:


> I think the problem with a lot of male sexual partners is that, when inexperienced, they assume that all women are as goal orientated as they are and hence tend to neglect the whole 'experience' part of sex, leading to a negative feedback loop which results in dissatisfaction on both sides of the board.
> 
> I also think that young males growing up learning about sex from internet porn doesn't fucking help much either - I _*really *_wish sexual education taught more than where to stick what and for how long :/
> 
> For me, the biggest turn on is enthusiasm: If a guy acts as though he knows how damn lucky he is to be there I'll reciprocate accordingly; if all he cares about is using me as a glorified hole with breasts attached however, I would really rather not bother.


Haha you're funny XD
I agree that sometimes this is due to inexperience. And I agree there is a big problem with men who get their education from porn and their expectations tend to be ... off. What's worst is they will sometimes assume women want to be humiliated the way they are in porn - and yes, some of them DO want that, but some of us will slap you for it! 



Eerie said:


> I answered that it's important. I went almost my entire sexual life without them, and maybe back then I would have answered differently but I see them as an extension to the bonding experience of sex. I think they help bring us closer, so I would be slightly let down if he, or I did not have one.


I understand this perspective. I agree it feels like it enhances intimacy when it happens for both people. 


geekofalltrades said:


> Oh my. tenchars[/FONT][/COLOR]


Hehe, yep yep. Go forth and prosper 


Mountain Climber said:


> For me, making love is an emotional experience and I can live without a selfish partner. Especially since I go way out of my way to make sure things are intense and exciting for my partner, I actually study about ways to enhance the experience. For me, its all or nothing.


I understand. Thanks for sharing!

Current results
21 yes it is important
19 if it happens, it happens
3 not important at all


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Yummy yummy. Delectable. I agree it's less important when the focus is on my partner. Unfortunately, I've tended to be with generous men - this is unfortunate because they tend to fight me when I want to make it all about them.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

redmanXNTP said:


>


Can't we all just get a schlong?


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