# Core Types of the Frustration Triad (1s, 4s, and 7s)- what are you frustrated by?



## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

Hello everyone,

Ones, Fours, and Sevens are part of the "Frustration Triad" of the Enneagram. In other words, people of these types tend to move _away_ from the world, as they are often fed up with what they see. I know that for myself, I am chronically frustrated with the world, and I often don't like what I see, especially in the social realm. So I thought I'd ask the following question of 1s, 4s, and 7s: What are you frustrated by in this world? What upsets you that you wish you could change? And is there anything that adds to the frustration, or alleviates it? 

I'll start. I am frustrated by:

-The creation and maintainance of of laws that are unjust, and cause mass suffering. As far as legal issues go, I am fed up when I see violent criminals (i.e. murderers, child abusers, rapists, etc) get very light sentences, and seeing the victim's rights get trampled on. Or outright ignore the suffering of those who are victims of such brutal crimes.

-Sexism in the advertising industry. Namely, the way women's bodies and female sexuality are used to sell products like soap and shampoo. I am fed up by this for many reasons. For one, young girls see these images, and they believe that in order to be a "real woman", they must walk around scantily clad, as this is proof of "femininity". I also see a double standard: Many ads feature half-naked women, and in comparison, few feature sexualized images of men. Why do we have to take our clothes off, while men don't? Why do they get to keep their dignity in these ads, while we do not? It upsets me to no end. I have a similar view of music videos: again, women are told that in order to "make it in the music industry", they need to wear very little clothing, because "sex sells." And again, I see a double standard, because the men in this industry often get to keep their clothes on while performing, while the women are often pressured to "bear all". Like with the advertising industry, I believe this sends a distorted message of beauty, sexuality, and femininity to young girls and women who are looking for an example in this world of how to act.

-People who try to aggressively force their opinions onto me, when I have made up my mind. This applies mostly in real life. For instance, when I was religious and struggling, I voiced my struggle to a psychiatrist (this issue seemed to be impacting my depression seriously). I was told, "Maybe this is the wrong religion for you?" My response was: "This is not an issue that is subjective for me. You're supposed to pick what you believe is the _right_ religion/belief system, not just what you think will make you happy." I did change my mind about this, eventually, but I had to go with my conscience. I had to see the mistakes I was making myself. I did not like having someone else point out my mistakes to me.

-I'm also deeply unhappy with myself. I feel frustrated when I see people who have "easy" lives, and who do not understand what it means to suffer or experience trauma. I am ashamed of my jealousy. I have seen how my envy has led to resentment, as well as chosen isolation from others (I guess the "Out of sight, out of mind" principle applies here). I do not like how critical I can be of the world, and how I have become the harshest critic of myself.
*
What makes the frustration worse:* Well, stress, basically, as well as illness. Having multiple medical issues has led to worsened depression, for me. And like I've said before, when you are immersed in a negative mental state, it is *very hard* to get out of it. I am in therapy, and I am currently working on fixing my health issues, but whenever I have a setback, that only makes things more difficult for me. I can see how a positive outcome can occur, but when you have negative event after negative event thrown your way, it is difficult to see optimism as realistic. Issues like this will definitely color one's view of the world.

*What alleviates the frustration:* A few things. Basically, when I've been in a state of better health, I can let myself go more easily. Distraction- such as engaging in a hobby or other activity that I enjoy- can help a lot (again, the "Out of sight, out of mind" principle seems to apply). Engaging in a productive activity (in my case, going back to school), is also helpful. As well, knowing who I am, and knowing that my standards/principles are a deeply engrained part of me is what keeps me in check. I don't lapse into guilt over mistakes. I know that I will do what I believe is right without having to give a whole lot of conscious thought to it- I just act. Also, it helps when I see people who are genuinely trying to improve their lives- I may not always agree with what they are doing, but if I see that someone is genuinely trying to be the best person they can be, then I am better able to deal with differences between myself and others.


So this what my experience is, in dealing with frustration. What are some of yours?


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something about the world and the people in it that I find very wanting. Even when I do feel compelled to engage with society, there's something underneath it all that repels me and keeps me from embracing it.

I suppose in a way, I'm just looking for "more".


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

George Carlin said it best:


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

not having any goddamn money


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> not having any goddamn money


I would extrapolate this to not getting what I want when I deserve to have them or things not working the way that they should (or are said to) work. I get frustrated all the time when I see things that don't run efficiently or don't run smoothly.


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## paper lilies (Dec 6, 2011)

*Frustration* relates to our feeling that our comfort and needs are not being sufficiently attended to. The self is experienced as "hungry"—uncomfortable, restless, dissatisfied, impatient, or needy. These feelings arise from deeply conditioned patterns from our childhood. A person may actually be getting their needs met in ways they may not recognize, but still feel frustrated due to this background patterning. In fact, even if the person’s needs are consciously met, he will often find something else to become frustrated about. This is because the person’s identity is partially based on being frustrated. Sometimes we also reverse the pattern and become the one who frustrates others as a way of defending against our own feelings of frustration.

The Frustration-based Group includes types One, Four, and Seven. None of these types ever seems to be able to find what it is looking for; they all can quickly become disenchanted with whatever previously has seemed to be the solution to their desires.

Ones are frustrated that the world is not more sensible and orderly than it actually is, and that others do not have the integrity that Ones believe they themselves have. They feel that others are constantly thwarting their efforts to improve things. Ones feel, "Nothing is done quite well enough—everything fails to measure up to my standards." Fours are frustrated that they have not been adequately parented, and unconsciously expect valued others to protect and nurture them. When others fail to live up to their unrealistic expectations, Fours become frustrated and disappointed. Fours feel, "I never get what I need—everyone disappoints me." Sevens are frustrated because they pin their hopes for happiness on specific experiences that ultimately fail to satisfy them, moving on to something new with equal ardor and high hopes for fulfillment, usually only to be disappointed again. They feel, "I can’t find what will satisfy me—I’ve got to keep looking and going after it."

Source: _The Enneagram Institute_


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> not having any goddamn money


Yes. I hate being broke.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Stupid people. That pretty much covers everything.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Stupid people--specifically those that drive in front of me, walk slowly in front of me, or stop suddenly on the stairs to answer their phone when I'm right behind them.

In an existential way, as @paper lillies references, I never seem to know what it is I'm really looking for in life. I've tried a million new things, but never gone anywhere with them. I'm more disappointed by the fact that nothing really seems to come of these things more than I am by the experiences themselves.


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## madhatter (May 30, 2010)

paper lilies said:


> *Frustration* snip
> Source: _Riso and Hudson_


Which RH book is this from?


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## paper lilies (Dec 6, 2011)

madhatter said:


> Which RH book is this from?


I have absolutely no idea.
I found it in PDF form online a while ago when I was researching about the triad.
If I ever find out where it comes from, I'll be sure to let you know!


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

I find the mentions of stupidity interesting, as I am frustrated by this, myself. I can't stand people who seem to lack intelligence, as well as competency. So stupidity and incompetence are definitely pet-peeves for me as well. And also the lack of money- feeling broke is very stressful.


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## madhatter (May 30, 2010)

paper lilies said:


> I have absolutely no idea.
> I found it in PDF form online a while ago when I was researching about the triad.
> If I ever find out where it comes from, I'll be sure to let you know!


Oh, okay.  Do you still have the link? Can you post it, please? I'd like to read it.


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## paper lilies (Dec 6, 2011)

madhatter said:


> Oh, okay.  Do you still have the link? Can you post it, please? I'd like to read it.


Oh! Here we go madhatter, I found the direct link to the full article.
It has information about other types (including Five) as well. Enjoy!
Q & A on Object Relations


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## madhatter (May 30, 2010)

paper lilies said:


> Oh! Here we go mad hatter, I found the direct link to the full article.
> It has information about other types (including Five) as well. Enjoy!
> Q & A on Object Relations


Thank you!


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

Well, I'm always frustrated some way or another. I feel, almost constantly, that there is something bigger, better, more profound just in front of me and all I have to do is to extend my arms and grasp it... yet I'm not satisfied with what I have.

My creative endeavours are what frustrates me the most, really. I look at images I painted or drew and see superficial, trite cliches of reality. I read my writing and realise there is no depth, no essence, as if the words I wrote mocked me. There is so much beauty in our world that it almost makes me cry - I want to preserve it, to give form to my memories, and yet everything I create feels lifeless. There is a vivid reality outside and inside my head, but whenever I try to express it, I build a paper cutout world inhabited by wax figures wearing masks.

This is irreversibly tied to the other source of frustration - namely, feeling entitled. On rational, conscious level I'm fully tolerant, even indiscriminate towards individuals. Somehow, though, humanity feels boring, mundane and obsessed with petty, material concerns. Instead of looking around, appreciating the beauty of the world, instead of dreaming, imagining, changing, they talk about their neighbour's new car, buying toilet paper and ham, cleaning and celebrities gaining weight. It makes me disgusted and sad and this is where my sense of entitlement appears. If I'm so much more that those dull, ordinary people, I can deserve more, can't I? When I'm healthy, it turns into a need to improve the world, to open eyes and share my perspectives and dreams. When I'm unhealthy, it turns into bitter contempt and pride.


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

aconite said:


> *This is irreversibly tied to the other source of frustration - namely, feeling entitled*. On rational, conscious level I'm fully tolerant, even indiscriminate towards individuals. Somehow, though, humanity feels boring, mundane and obsessed with petty, material concerns. Instead of looking around, appreciating the beauty of the world, instead of dreaming, imagining, changing, they talk about their neighbour's new car, buying toilet paper and ham, cleaning and celebrities gaining weight. It makes me disgusted and sad and this is where my sense of entitlement appears.


_This_. Your statement definitely resonates with me. Especially the part about feeling entitled. I can definitely relate to that, and I believe that chronic frustration has roots in entitlement (for me, the idea that "I deserve better" or "My basic rights are being denied).


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## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

aconite said:


> Well, I'm always frustrated some way or another. I feel, almost constantly, that there is something bigger, better, more profound just in front of me and all I have to do is to extend my arms and grasp it... yet I'm not satisfied with what I have.
> 
> My creative endeavours are what frustrates me the most, really. I look at images I painted or drew and see superficial, trite cliches of reality. I read my writing and realise there is no depth, no essence, as if the words I wrote mocked me. There is so much beauty in our world that it almost makes me cry - I want to preserve it, to give form to my memories, and yet everything I create feels lifeless. There is a vivid reality outside and inside my head, but whenever I try to express it, I build a paper cutout world inhabited by wax figures wearing masks.
> 
> This is irreversibly tied to the other source of frustration - namely, feeling entitled. On rational, conscious level I'm fully tolerant, even indiscriminate towards individuals. Somehow, though, humanity feels boring, mundane and obsessed with petty, material concerns. Instead of looking around, appreciating the beauty of the world, instead of dreaming, imagining, changing, they talk about their neighbour's new car, buying toilet paper and ham, cleaning and celebrities gaining weight. It makes me disgusted and sad and this is where my sense of entitlement appears. If I'm so much more that those dull, ordinary people, I can deserve more, can't I? When I'm healthy, it turns into a need to improve the world, to open eyes and share my perspectives and dreams. When I'm unhealthy, it turns into bitter contempt and pride.


This, precisely. Every single word rings true for me as well. Admittedly, it's somewhat comforting that it's not just me who feels this way.


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Being unable to get what I want.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Ice Ghost said:


> I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something about the world and the people in it that I find very wanting. Even when I do feel compelled to engage with society, there's something underneath it all that repels me and keeps me from embracing it.
> 
> I suppose in a way, I'm just looking for "more".


One year later, this is mostly still true.


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