# What are the effect of overprotective parents on adult children



## .17485 (Jan 12, 2011)

What are the effects of overprotective parents on adult children? 

I think that the adult in new environments will come across shy, passive, always agreeable. In relationships with friends or a lover, they always would want that need of pleasing them in a way that they become a pushover. Lack of trust with women/men as well who they see as overly emotional or never express their needs and wants. I think of those examples. Also a lack of social life. Having no close relationships with people or desiring relationships.


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## Sai (Sep 3, 2012)

they become pussies and then would not be able to survive in the real world.


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## SuperSoaker (Aug 19, 2013)

I think those traits are more closely connected to being emotionally abusive than protective. Although it makes me think of dysfunctional ESFJ mothers who are both, don't know why...

I know those who's been protected and spoiled too much that turned into complete narcissistic asshats.


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## outofplace (Dec 19, 2012)

Tega1 said:


> What are the effects of overprotective parents on adult children?
> 
> I think that the adult in new environments will come across shy, passive, always agreeable. In relationships with friends or a lover, they always would want that need of pleasing them in a way that they become a pushover. Lack of trust with women/men as well who they see as overly emotional or never express their needs and wants. I think of those examples. Also a lack of social life. Having no close relationships with people or desiring relationships.


You hit it right on the head. My parents were overprotective and it messed me up good. I was so sheltered from the world that when I moved out of my own (at 23), I was so naive and unprepared for life. I was taken advantage of, conned, went from one bad relationship to another, lacking in social skills, etc. Life's experiences were my teacher as well as the "school of hard-knocks".

To this day and after some therapy, I still have difficulty establishing and maintaining long term relationships be it friendships or romantic relationships. I do have acquaintances, but nothing deeper than that.


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## Zane (Sep 6, 2013)

I think it's the opposite. My mom is extremely over protective and all that has done is made me despise rules, become rebellious, and pretty much break her rules whenever she gives me a little freedom.


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## WinterFox (Sep 19, 2013)

My mum is an ESFJ, and my dad is an ISTP/ISTJ.
One is a drama queen and verbally abusive and low IQ/EQ, and another is critical, naysayer, narrow-minded and unable to see the big picture.

Me: an INFJ adult with depression and severe social anxiety and I couldn't even function properly in every day lives due to my severe social anxiety, and my mental health condition is caused by the above two people, my so-called parents, the ones who are supposed to love me yet treated me like garbage every day and caused me to develop depression and social anxiety.
The people who are supposed to love me most are the ones who make me feel horrible about myself. I don't have a family, my blood family isn't my family. My friends are my family.
To me, family are people who treat me like a family, not people who treat me like garbage. Just because we are related by blood doesn't necessarily make them my family.


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## Hurricane Matthew (Nov 9, 2012)

Ehhh... I'm inclined to disagree. The two most passive, pushover, aggreeable people I got to know actually had abusive sorts of parents who snapped at them for every little thing. It caused them to withdraw into themselves since they were sensitive personalities to begin with. Meanwhile, I have two friends who seem to have very overprotective parents but they seem to be quite well-adjusted, thoughtful people, and never would I describe them as pushovers since they are quite strong-willed and know what their goals are ((I admire them for that since they can maintain that naive sense of dreams while I've become cynical about dreams due to reality ripping mine apart... even though I'm younger than them)). They also have way more of a social life than I do. And when I say they had overprotective parents, their parents never forced them to move out, they always pay for their children's schooling and always supply them with everything they need, even though my friends are in their 20s.

...Unless I'm confusing supportive parents with overprotective parents. IDK.

Though the two people I knew who had the personality described in the OP definitely didn't have overprotective parents :/ Sometimes I'd cringe at what they'd say their parents said/did to them. They were my friends originally, but because of their personalities, it was hard to want to keep them around. They were total suck-ups and that was annoying.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

WinterFox said:


> My mum is an ESFJ, and my dad is an ISTP/ISTJ.
> One is a drama queen and verbally abusive and low IQ/EQ, and another is critical, naysayer, narrow-minded and unable to see the big picture.
> 
> Me: an INFJ adult with depression and severe social anxiety and I couldn't even function properly in every day lives due to my severe social anxiety, and my mental health condition is caused by the above two people, my so-called parents, the ones who are supposed to love me yet treated me like garbage every day and caused me to develop depression and social anxiety.
> ...


Sounds familiar, albeit after time away to mature at University and therapy to encourage more self awareness.


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## SuperSoaker (Aug 19, 2013)

WinterFox said:


> My mum is an ESFJ, and my dad is an ISTP/ISTJ.
> One is a drama queen and verbally abusive and low IQ/EQ, and another is critical, naysayer, narrow-minded and unable to see the big picture.
> 
> Me: an INFJ adult with depression and severe social anxiety and I couldn't even function properly in every day lives due to my severe social anxiety, and my mental health condition is caused by the above two people, my so-called parents, the ones who are supposed to love me yet treated me like garbage every day and caused me to develop depression and social anxiety.
> ...


Sounds very familar. Sort of like the tv series shameless.

Is it just me or are esfj the type most likely to get children even though or perhaps just because they feel bad? 

I self reflect and won't do anything unless i feel i got my shit together.


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## toma (Sep 18, 2013)

I had over protective parents. I know they had parents who were very strict. I had all the dysfunctional traits one could wish for and so did my parents and my grand parents. The trick for me was to break the chains my parents had put on me. I found tradition and culture had many untruths. I was taught to be superstitious. It took me 7 months to get these chains broken. It takes years to learn to live a normal life without the chains. I am proud of my efforts today.

I hold no grudges, I am guilty of ignorance as well. We did not have the luxury of counselors and the like. All matters were dealt with by the Church priests. A weekly thrashing with house utensils was normal for all the children. I do not hold grudges for this it was just the times we lived in at the time.


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## WinterFox (Sep 19, 2013)

StElmosDream said:


> Sounds familiar, albeit after time away to mature at University and therapy to encourage more self awareness.



I think I need therapy too, whenever I sleep at night I would woke up halfway through my sleep because even at night I also have nightmares about my parents. Even in my dreams, I saw them trying to control my life and trying to plan my future for me, just like what they did to me in real life .


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

WinterFox said:


> I think I need therapy too, whenever I sleep at night I would woke up halfway through my sleep because even at night I also have nightmares about my parents. Even in my dreams, I saw them trying to control my life and trying to plan my future for me, just like what they did to me in real life .


Sounds very much like suppressed or unresolved traumas (I still have whole chunks of time I cannot recall no matter how hard I try, previously flashbacks before I saw a psychotherapist to de-normalise the past and needed to unlearn wrong ways of being imposed to 'protect me from getting hurt' i.e. how true empathy and sensitivity made me weaker as a male).

In my experience parental influences can also include elder relatives and even very senior siblings if they become central enough figures.


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## WinterFox (Sep 19, 2013)

StElmosDream said:


> Sounds very much like suppressed or unresolved traumas (I still have whole chunks of time I cannot recall no matter how hard I try, previously flashbacks before I saw a psychotherapist to de-normalise the past and needed to unlearn wrong ways of being imposed to 'protect me from getting hurt' i.e. how true empathy and sensitivity made me weaker as a male).In my experience parental influences can also include elder relatives and even very senior siblings if they become central enough figures.


Aw I am sorry to hear about your experience, I understand how you feel, I can relate to that flashback thing. And tbh I think the only way for me to truly heal is to get away from my parents.One of my dreams is to actually travel worldwide. I want to go travelling to all the different countries and explore the world. But my parents are control freaks, they will stop me from going if I tell them about this.Oh what should I do? Or should I just make up some excuses? If so, what excuses should i give them?I intend to go travelling for a few years, and I have an online job so I'm not worried about money.The only thing I am worrying now is how do i convince my control freak parents to let me go travelling? :/


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

WinterFox said:


> Aw I am sorry to hear about your experience, I understand how you feel, I can relate to that flashback thing. And tbh I think the only way for me to truly heal is to get away from my parents.One of my dreams is to actually travel worldwide. I want to go travelling to all the different countries and explore the world. But my parents are control freaks, they will stop me from going if I tell them about this.Oh what should I do? Or should I just make up some excuses? If so, what excuses should i give them?I intend to go travelling for a few years, and I have an online job so I'm not worried about money.The only thing I am worrying now is how do i convince my control freak parents to let me go travelling? :/


Such is the nature of maturation; the one time I went travelling abroad I did not ask permission, instead by unforeseen serendipity I already had the money saved, 3 months spare time between University studies and an unstoppable will desiring to try helpx.net volunteering... from what I recall a visa is required to cross country borders, enabling you to get a paid job should you wish.


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## WinterFox (Sep 19, 2013)

StElmosDream said:


> Such is the nature of maturation; the one time I went travelling abroad I did not ask permission, instead by unforeseen serendipity I already had the money saved, 3 months spare time between University studies and an unstoppable will desiring to try helpx.net volunteering... from what I recall a visa is required to cross country borders, enabling you to get a paid job should you wish.


That website is really cool! I might try out those volunteering programs one day. Thanks for sharing with me about the website! roud:


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

WinterFox said:


> That website is really cool! I might try out those volunteering programs one day. Thanks for sharing with me about the website! roud:


Personally I have only helpx'd once; life can become almost too demanding when so many hosts may require 3+ weeks commitment at a time, hence why University or the months before entering the real world of work may be most ideal.


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## noname42 (Mar 8, 2013)

My mom is very overprotective of me, which I believe negatively affected me till that day. But her style in overprotection is totally different than many of you guys.

First, My parents divorced when I was a year old, I'm my mum only child and she was only married once when she was 43. My dad almost left us with minimal financial support and non-existent financial support. As a result my mum became a very overly protective on her only son and kinda messed me up. 

Her style of overprotection is not by action but by brainwashing. She kept on telling me on how people are evil and all the bad things they do. She also gave me advice on how should I not trust anyone and that the majority of people my age are on drugs and they are all messed up kids (she started telling me all of that stuff when I was 6). She also always discusses with me her financial and all of her social problems, when I'm still at a very young age. 

My EXFP mum is an extremely extrovert, so when she talks she usually talks for very long periods and not to mention all of the drama and exaggeration in her speech. As a result she gave me a very negative you on the world and people. I had trouble making friends with people and because of the paranoia I developed, I was very antisocial and extremely defensive at school. Which made my school years hell, because I was in constant fights and people really hated me. I also realized after 5 years from graduating high school that she made me mature up and gave me lots of responsibility, I became alienated from people my age (which I'm still suffering of it till that day, I'm 23 btw). 


She also keep telling me how important it is to take care of your mother and don't let your wife influence you and affect your relationship with your mother. In addition she very needy and dependable and want me to be by always by her side (she even told me that if you go to college abroad I will be with you).

Not to make this post anymore longer, to be fair and just I must say that I'm an INTP and we have the tendencies to be antisocial and we mature up quicker than many types. But I think my mum amplified these tendencies and she kinda made it worst than it is.

After passing through a quarter life crisis and reflecting upon many thing on my life, I think it will backfire on her at the end. I'm totally not thinking of getting married any time soon, I don't trust her anymore. She have no influence on me, and I want to migrate or go work abroad somewhere ALONE. Although I don't blame her for all the shit that happened to me in my life, but right now she lost her "mother privileges".

As Oscar Wilde once said “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them"


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

That would kind of depend on the spectrum of "over-protection," and a few other environmental variables, right?


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## noname42 (Mar 8, 2013)

Antipode said:


> That would kind of depend on the spectrum of "over-protection," and a few other environmental variables, right?


Definitely, in my case its not a severe kind of over-protection, but still it very much effected me. Its a more "softer" kind. Also the conditions that I was raised in and the people I grew up with played a role.

But the effect of any kind of parental over-protection depends on the person. Different people will react differently to different forms of overly protective parents. Eventually they will all be effected negatively.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

The turn into pretty much this:

Lost-Remnant (Lost-Remnant) on deviantART

Delusional, no idea what the real world is like, egocentric, thinking everyone is after them, and so on.


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