# I'm an NF and am generally extremely sensitive to people's comments?



## Zic (Dec 30, 2009)

NatetheGreat said:


> Are there any other NF's here who have had this problem and gotten over it? If so, how?


who cares? get over it, you crybaby!








Just kidding, happens to all of us. Even T's! It's normal to feel a bit put down when somebody ruthlessly criticises you or makes rude remarks... it's best to shrug it off. Or return the "favour" if you're in the mood.


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## ohrtsadok (Mar 22, 2010)

Its very hard to get over it and the problem is that it happens all the time. I just take the criticism and cry about it on the side or I try thinking about something else.


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## Razvan (Dec 17, 2009)

SPtheGhost said:


> im studying art in school , so needless to say we have countless critiques of our work
> and some of the nf students are very very VERY sensitive to the types of criticism they receive
> 
> i can count on tears 8 out 10 times , especially if the professor has a low EQ
> ...


 
Well, you have to use a lot of "pillows" so he has something to fall on. 

Here's what I mean. First of all, do not directly criticise. Say something like, hmmm, it's an interesting idea/paiting/whatever, but how about (or what if or something like that) this/that/the other way, wouldn't it be better? (you could also give reasons). 

Or...To be honest and I really don't want to upset you, take it as my persnal opinion : etc etc etc. Mentioning to take it as a personal opinion or also mentioning that somebody else may see it different, who knows and that art is a matter of taste etc will get them thinking about what you said without cutting all hope and all wings. 

Basically there are a lot of ways o be diplomatic and guard other people's feelings.


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## Plaxico (Dec 11, 2010)

When I was younger I would get riled up by criticism but it really doesn't bother me anymore.

HOWEVER, it does bug me when people DON'T comment. For example, I've heard the notion that introverts
(my type) are seen as standoffish even rude for not responding or greeting, etc, but when an extrovert
ignores or doesn't say something I wonder if i did something wrong. That could be an E/I thing but
that's an example of where my sensitivity to other people kicks in.


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## chickpeaax (Mar 17, 2011)

Haven't gotten over it, unfortunately.


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## unico (Feb 3, 2011)

I'm very sensitive to criticism and I try to be rational about the situation, but it always still upsets me. I haven't figured out how to get over it.


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

Developing a "thick skin" is easier said than done. I used to get very upset and sad when I was criticized. I've felt like that on some forums, too. My INTJ & ENTJ friends helped me to develop a thicker skin. At times it didn't feel good but I think I'm a little tougher from it. But don't get it twisted; I'm still my fuzzy, emotional, warm & squishy ENFP self. I just know how to put my armor on.


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## sea cucumber (Oct 14, 2010)

^ @The King Of Dreams

What if this happens.

My ENFP friend hurt my feelings by mistake and then I hurt his back and this has gone back and forth. we are both so hurt and sensitive we can seem to stop it. I apolagised diarectly and honestly but I know he maintans some hurt feeling deep down I can see it in his eyes. I think it stung him more that it would anybody else critising him since Im pretty sure he has a thing for me and we do get along so well. he has hurt my feelings to though and seems to think its fixed just by acting normal and being nice. 
I need more though. I need a hug and I need to know that no matter what happens and what gets said and done its never meant to say it we just reacted to feelings.

I want to give him a massive hug I need one so i know he cares to. I want to tell him wonderful and creative he is and that I err have masive thing for him. Things are so frosty. 

Can you just hug an ENFP and say stuff like that. Will it take away the hurt I caused him? Do you think I will get a clean slate?
See somtimes I know there are people that I have to close myslef off a bit to becuase they critise me and I cant take it. 
I dont want him to see me that way I think he doese. If nothing else i would like to shake of that labelso we can be friends

When two people are sensitive it seems it can fall to a stalemate


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

Well, I'm no expert. But we ENFPs HATE to hold on to hurt feelings. Something tells me that he's feeling the same as you. A spontaneous big hug and a explanation should do the trick. What you just said to me seems to be the perfect way to show him that you care about him deeply and that you want what happen to disappear. He will probably let it go very easily and you'll NEVER hear about the argument again. I'm sure you mean a whole lot to him and he won't ruin it by not being forgiving or sorry. I wish you the best. Remember: Nobody's perfect and he shouldn't expect you to be and vise versa.


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## binds (Apr 24, 2011)

I'm way too sensitive. I care too much about what people think of me. Ehh


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

I don't know how I can get rid of it? My oversensitivity makes me fume in my head whenever I watch someone get mistreated. The old little diva teenager in me wants to jump out and punch the living daylights out of that person. The more responsiblity, jacket knitting driven grandma in me says no.

I am strongly affected by others feelings, but I learned that it is their life, and I can really only control my own emotions. I am there for support though.


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## Razvan (Dec 17, 2009)

strawberryLola said:


> I don't know how I can get rid of it? My oversensitivity makes me fume in my head whenever I watch someone get mistreated. The old little diva teenager in me wants to jump out and punch the living daylights out of that person. The more responsiblity, jacket knitting driven grandma in me says no.
> 
> I am strongly affected by others feelings, but I learned that it is their life, and I can really only control my own emotions. I am there for support though.


Aghhh, that describes pretty well my exact feelings. I'm a jacket knitting driven grandma too. Wanna see what I knitted so far?:laughing:

Seriously, I learned in time to use humour to deflect some of the mean comments, but I still get affected by them. I have a process triggered in my head, which is something like, they pick on me, they break one of my important moral rules : "don't pick on me", so I respond with a naughty comment...though I can't always come up with one and I really most of the times avoid conflict, only when people that have some sort of meaning do that I can afford to use humour. The rest...like you said, I become a grandma and ignore them cause it's not worth my energy.

Like, this weekend, 1st of May party in a club with a group of friends, I'm at a bar, a girl and a guy from our group were next to me ( I did not know them so well). I'm getting a pina colada, the girl says, "hey that's a nice cocktail", I say "thanks, wanna taste?", she does and the guy who was hitting on her says : "Hey, don't take on my woman!" I thought he was too stupid to even respond to that and if she didn't seem to care, which was her problem anyway. (I wouldn't be with somebody so possessive if I were her) I did have a line in my mind to say to him, but since I avoid conflict (INFP, but maybe also because I'm an enneagram type 9:tongue and I really didn't know that guy enough to care about what he had to say, I ordered the girl a pina colada too, because she said she wanted one and just left them there. Who knows, maybe they were perfect for each other, but I was a bit baffled by the fact that somebody would consider me being nice actually hitting on somebody. Oh and the fact that she did not protest to him being controlling, yeah, right, like I'd wanna hit somebody like that. I like people with backbone, who have a developed independent personality. 

Maybe I'm getting a bit too personal with the example here, but I won't delete it. :tongue:


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

SarahPalindrome said:


> Like this:


Love it. Love everything about it.


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## etherealuntouaswithin (Dec 7, 2010)

Im an SP who's sensitive to the comments and critiques of others.Though,i never get settled enough to lament and cry over it.Rather,I have a bad habit of reacting in a not-so-nice way for payback...only making things worse.


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## ArtOfMe (May 5, 2011)

I'm definitely a very sensitive person. If someone is mean/rude to me, I fume about it in my head for a while afterward. I also tend to think that if a friend is not very talkative or seems to be withdrawn or in a bad mood, it must have something to do with me. I always overanalyze everything. It's a habit I'm trying to get out of.


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## claircat (Dec 6, 2010)

gah i am very sensitive, does my head in, even if i know people mean the best by criticism i automatically feel low, probably because i am very critical of myself so any more confirms it in my own mind, my logic is not very strong


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## curious0610 (Jun 27, 2010)

The King Of Dreams said:


> Well, I'm no expert. But we ENFPs HATE to hold on to hurt feelings. Something tells me that he's feeling the same as you. A spontaneous big hug and a explanation should do the trick. What you just said to me seems to be the perfect way to show him that you care about him deeply and that you want what happen to disappear. He will probably let it go very easily and you'll NEVER hear about the argument again. I'm sure you mean a whole lot to him and he won't ruin it by not being forgiving or sorry. I wish you the best. Remember: Nobody's perfect and he shouldn't expect you to be and vise versa.


I'm definitely sensitive and sometimes too easily hurt, and I'm the same way.
I'll probably point out to someone if I felt hurt by something they said, not because I'm resentful or upset, but because I care about them enough that I want us to better understand each other. Like you mentioned, I tend to let things go easily and would NEVER rehash old hurts and bring them up again (unless I was still confused about something). As for not holding onto hurts, my heart is always one step behind. In my mind, I don't hold onto hurts and want everything to disappear, but in my heart, I might still feel hurt for a tiny bit longer (while acting like I'm not).


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