# For ENTJ Overlords -- Troubleshooting your ENTP Mad Scientist (humor)



## Tea Path

wash, rinse, repeat. 

they will occasionally seek the company of others just to tell them about how they will better the human race and to get sponsorship to pay for their plans. This is the opportunity the ENTJ must wait for. Only the stealthiest can take this prey. The INTJ is most vulnerable at this point. Play upon their natural negativistic inclinations, their fear of rejection or failure. Swoop in, pay attention, don't ask stupid or redundant questions. Ask what they need, how much of it they need, and give them 1/2 to 2/3 because they overestimate. This will unify them with what they perceive to be their underlings in hatred of you. In reality, this is the best way to get them to work with others.


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## aliceinbrc

I'm sorry I'm so late to the party, but kudos for a funny-cuz-true OP!


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## Elistra

Tea Path said:


> wash, rinse, repeat.
> 
> they will occasionally seek the company of others just to tell them about how they will better the human race and to get sponsorship to pay for their plans. This is the opportunity the ENTJ must wait for. Only the stealthiest can take this prey. The INTJ is most vulnerable at this point. Play upon their natural negativistic inclinations, their fear of rejection or failure. Swoop in, pay attention, don't ask stupid or redundant questions. Ask what they need, how much of it they need, and give them 1/2 to 2/3 because they overestimate. This will unify them with what they perceive to be their underlings in hatred of you. In reality, this is the best way to get them to work with others.


Lol, that could well work! But how to twist that hatred to ENTJ advantage?


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## Tea Path

Elistra said:


> Lol, that could well work! But how to twist that hatred to ENTJ advantage?


they will eschew some of their misanthropic ways and work with others to enact their vision. Then, since the ENTJ funded/supported the project, we get the credit. The INTJ built it (thus, our hands aren't dirty) and they had to it while working with others. Of course, you'll have to keep the masses happy and tamp down any embers of resentment the INTJ stirs by being angsty at the ENTJ. 

The INTJ will soon forget their anger during their work. They may or may not remember at the end. If you are wise, you will enable the help of an ENFP minion. ENFPs have a remarkable ability to make an INTJ happy. However, keep the ENFP from spending too much time with the INTJ or the INTJ will never get sufficient work done.


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## azdahak

Dear ENTJ Overlord,

Thank you for purchasing: one (1) INTJ. 

Please read the following Quick Start Guide before attempting to operate your INTJ in order to familiarize yourself with its many features. If for any reason you find the INTJ to be defective, DO NOT RETURN TO PLACE OF PURCHASE. Please contact:

"I Sing the Body Electric"
Facsimile Ltd.
10002 E. Bradbury Street
Lansing, Michigan 48823


*Basic Operating Instructions*

*Turning the INTJ on.*

Your INTJ is most easily turned on by exposing it to any tightly-dressed, big-breasted women (BBW). If you have previously purchased one of our 7-of-9 or T'Pal start-up accessory costumes (ESTP not included), you may wish to unpack before proceeding with the INTJ initialization.

1. Initialization of the positronic matrix. 

Place your INTJ directly in front of your BBW. After a few seconds, you should here a loud click as the internal servomechanisms begin their self-alignment and calibration. Your INTJ will run though a few stereotypical motions such as slack-jawed drooling, eye-bulging, whistling, and possibly a set of nonsense words. Be sure to alert your ESTP not to slap the INTJ during this "inappropriate" display as it may interrupt the internal self-boot. After the self-boot procedure is completed, the INTJ will announce it's readiness to accept commands with "Hello, World!"

2. Command input.

Once initialized, your INTJ is ready to accept verbal commands. The basic INTJ comes equipped with a wide variety of useful skills such as Microsoft Word, Wi-Fi network troubleshooting, back-end server maintenance. Additional functionality, such as Java programming, Excel Guru, or Nuclear Physics can be added at any time by downloading apps from our online store. Additionally some fun apps such as Star Wars Trivia and Death Stare are included in the basic package.

3. Run Mode.

Once activated and given commands, your INTJ will be a tireless worker, diligently and professionally completing all assigned tasks that do not exceed its programming. It's a good idea to liberally fuel and lubricate your INTJ with a selection of Mountain Dew and Cheetos. With proper maintenance and updates, your INTJ can give you a lifetime of dedicated service. If you experience any problems with your INTJ, please refer to the following Troubleshooting Checklist before calling the factory for service.

4. Emergency Shutdown

At times, your INTJ may get stuck in a narcissistic feedback loop where it will confuse its own pre-programmed responses as Absolute Truth -- such as why Star Wars is better than Star Trek. It may violate more social boundaries than normal and start to quibble. Additional, you may notice your INTJ slowing down, as it seems to take an _inordinately_ long time in getting to the point. In more extreme cases, your INTJ may start to exhibit signs of a superiority complex and think it's better than you, agressively arguing with you in front of other drones. If the INTJ ever enters motor-mouth mode, it is recommended at this point to force quit the INTJ OS by initiating an emergency reboot. As the current INTJ model has no off-switch (this is a much requested feature we are investigating) you initiate the emergency shutdown with the included ego realignment reboot tool. Simply insert the realignment boot into the INTJ rectal data port and twist until the INTJ stops talking. Sometimes the sudden reboot causes disk fragmentation and the INTJ may become sullen and withdrawn, and refuse to carry out your commands. This is caused by its positronic matrix accidentally drifting out of alignment into another point of view, and attempting to re-write primary command pathways. However, the INTJ will usually revert to the proper mind frame as the built-in defragmentation utilities revert any errant and accidental self-growth from the back-up partition. In some cases, it it useful to attempt to reinitialize the positronic matrix (see step 1) by exposing your INTJ to a BBW and a 16oz Mountain Dew.

5. Occasionally, your INTJ may become so stubborn and recalcitrant, that the boot tool becomes ineffective. Its positronic matrix becomes stultified from being "correct" all the time, and loses any ability to rationally carry out your wishes. The INTJ will insist its self-diagnostics are all working "perfectly" and that you merely can't understand his logic. At this point, we recommend you contact Facsimile Ltd., for additional instructions on returning your INTJ for service. Please be aware that your warranty does not cover any cosmetic damage you may have caused to the INTJ through excessive use of the boot tool. Please back-up any research your INTJ may have performed before return, as Facsimile Ltd. cannot be responsible for any loss of data.


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## Tea Path

need an INTJ female model. I have 2 INTJ female friends that are not motivated by breasts.


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## azdahak

Tea Path said:


> need an INTJ female model. I have 2 INTJ female friends that are not motivated by breasts.


Oh…. INTJ females are factory errors. Please have them shipped back and replaced.


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## Elistra

Tea Path said:


> they will eschew some of their misanthropic ways and work with others to enact their vision. Then, since the ENTJ funded/supported the project, we get the credit. The INTJ built it (thus, our hands aren't dirty) and they had to it while working with others. Of course, you'll have to keep the masses happy and tamp down any embers of resentment the INTJ stirs by being angsty at the ENTJ.


We can generally outdo them on charisma anyway, I'm not worried.



Tea Path said:


> The INTJ will soon forget their anger during their work. They may or may not remember at the end. If you are wise, you will enable the help of an ENFP minion. ENFPs have a remarkable ability to make an INTJ happy. However, keep the ENFP from spending too much time with the INTJ or the INTJ will never get sufficient work done.


This potential pitfall will prove self-correcting, I think. INTJs blow hot and cold so much that they will be temporarily driving off our ENFPs on a regular basis anyway, thus keeping productivity high. We'll have to remember to invest a great deal of money in Kimberly-Clark, though. The ENFPs are going to be driving their stock through the roof through _vastly_ increased product demand re: Kleenex.


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> Dear ENTJ Overlord,
> 
> Thank you for purchasing: one (1) INTJ.
> 
> Please read the following Quick Start Guide before attempting to operate your INTJ in order to familiarize yourself with its many features. If for any reason you find the INTJ to be defective, DO NOT RETURN TO PLACE OF PURCHASE. Please contact:
> 
> "I Sing the Body Electric"
> Facsimile Ltd.
> 10002 E. Bradbury Street
> Lansing, Michigan 48823
> 
> 
> *Basic Operating Instructions*
> 
> *Turning the INTJ on.*
> 
> Your INTJ is most easily turned on by exposing it to any tightly-dressed, big-breasted women (BBW). If you have previously purchased one of our 7-of-9 or T'Pal start-up accessory costumes (ESTP not included), you may wish to unpack before proceeding with the INTJ initialization.
> 
> 1. Initialization of the positronic matrix.
> 
> Place your INTJ directly in front of your BBW. After a few seconds, you should here a loud click as the internal servomechanisms begin their self-alignment and calibration. Your INTJ will run though a few stereotypical motions such as slack-jawed drooling, eye-bulging, whistling, and possibly a set of nonsense words. Be sure to alert your ESTP not to slap the INTJ during this "inappropriate" display as it may interrupt the internal self-boot. After the self-boot procedure is completed, the INTJ will announce it's readiness to accept commands with "Hello, World!"
> 
> 2. Command input.
> 
> Once initialized, your INTJ is ready to accept verbal commands. The basic INTJ comes equipped with a wide variety of useful skills such as Microsoft Word, Wi-Fi network troubleshooting, back-end server maintenance. Additional functionality, such as Java programming, Excel Guru, or Nuclear Physics can be added at any time by downloading apps from our online store. Additionally some fun apps such as Star Wars Trivia and Death Stare are included in the basic package.
> 
> 3. Run Mode.
> 
> Once activated and given commands, your INTJ will be a tireless worker, diligently and professionally completing all assigned tasks that do not exceed its programming. It's a good idea to liberally fuel and lubricate your INTJ with a selection of Mountain Dew and Cheetos. With proper maintenance and updates, your INTJ can give you a lifetime of dedicated service. If you experience any problems with your INTJ, please refer to the following Troubleshooting Checklist before calling the factory for service.
> 
> 4. Emergency Shutdown
> 
> At times, your INTJ may get stuck in a narcissistic feedback loop where it will confuse its own pre-programmed responses as Absolute Truth -- such as why Star Wars is better than Star Trek. It may violate more social boundaries than normal and start to quibble. Additional, you may notice your INTJ slowing down, as it seems to take an _inordinately_ long time in getting to the point. In more extreme cases, your INTJ may start to exhibit signs of a superiority complex and think it's better than you, agressively arguing with you in front of other drones. If the INTJ ever enters motor-mouth mode, it is recommended at this point to force quit the INTJ OS by initiating an emergency reboot. As the current INTJ model has no off-switch (this is a much requested feature we are investigating) you initiate the emergency shutdown with the included ego realignment reboot tool. Simply insert the realignment boot into the INTJ rectal data port and twist until the INTJ stops talking. Sometimes the sudden reboot causes disk fragmentation and the INTJ may become sullen and withdrawn, and refuse to carry out your commands. This is caused by its positronic matrix accidentally drifting out of alignment into another point of view, and attempting to re-write primary command pathways. However, the INTJ will usually revert to the proper mind frame as the built-in defragmentation utilities revert any errant and accidental self-growth from the back-up partition. In some cases, it it useful to attempt to reinitialize the positronic matrix (see step 1) by exposing your INTJ to a BBW and a 16oz Mountain Dew.
> 
> 5. Occasionally, your INTJ may become so stubborn and recalcitrant, that the boot tool becomes ineffective. Its positronic matrix becomes stultified from being "correct" all the time, and loses any ability to rationally carry out your wishes. The INTJ will insist its self-diagnostics are all working "perfectly" and that you merely can't understand his logic. At this point, we recommend you contact Facsimile Ltd., for additional instructions on returning your INTJ for service. Please be aware that your warranty does not cover any cosmetic damage you may have caused to the INTJ through excessive use of the boot tool. Please back-up any research your INTJ may have performed before return, as Facsimile Ltd. cannot be responsible for any loss of data.


Lol, I love it! Especially 4 and 5 -- you included toilet humor, as well! Perfect! :laughing:


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## The Wanderering ______

There are some missing
*1) I have reason to believe my Mad Scientist may be devising schemes behind my back, what should I do?

*First things first what have you done to spurn your ENTP. Did you not love them enough, or give them enough new work to mess with. Is it possible that your ENTP has come to understand what ever power you allowed him to have and now he thinks he can run things himself. First of all do not panic for ENTP typically do not make as efficient leaders than ENTJs. However ENTPs have Fe something you lack. Ands odds are your ENTP will use that to his advantage. There is a huge difference between a leader who rules with threats and ultimatums vs a leader who can charm anyone. You may want to pay attention to who you can really trust in your army. Odds are if the ENTP has already talked to them then they may have joined his resitance or at least thought to themselves if they like him over you. Your best bet is to arm your best men have your right hand prepared and have a couple of scouts just in case someone says something. BUT BE WARNED Doubting the power of ENTP leadership could get you killed. After all this is the person who was making your weapons, how do you know this resistance isn't just some ploy devised to help his TRUE rebel group. An army of Skilled Kunoichi who have been training in the mountains for generations and after your ENTP did a favor for one of the "Ladies" of this organization, the group now owes him a debt that they intend to pay two-fold (in pleasure or killing whoever endangers the life of the ENTP).


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## aliceinbrc

I've often thought of professional interactions with an ENTJ somewhat like treasure hunting on a mine field. There are untold riches to be uncovered, but you might get blowed up.

I had an ENTJ boss who was a brilliant manager of people ... in that the work produced from her team was exceptional. But it was _exactly _like working for Miranda Priestly. (I swear, she even once said some version of "the details of your incompetence do not interest me.") I was there for three years and the experience was transformative. But I knew I couldn't stay forever: too much overlording for me ever to get to a place of psychological comfort. She and I are close friends now, actually. As it happens, she's a total sweetheart out of the office ... and also I had stay with her for much longer than most associates had before, which earned me some respect.


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## The Wanderering ______

aliceinbrc said:


> I've often thought of professional interactions with an ENTJ somewhat like treasure hunting on a mine field. There are untold riches to be uncovered, but you might get blowed up..


So what your saying is, professional interactions with ENTJs is like Minesweeper.


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## Elistra

The Wanderering ______ said:


> There are some missing
> *1) I have reason to believe my Mad Scientist may be devising schemes behind my back, what should I do?
> 
> *First things first what have you done to spurn your ENTP. Did you not love them enough, or give them enough new work to mess with. Is it possible that your ENTP has come to understand what ever power you allowed him to have and now he thinks he can run things himself. First of all do not panic for ENTP typically do not make as efficient leaders than ENTJs. However ENTPs have Fe something you lack. Ands odds are your ENTP will use that to his advantage. There is a huge difference between a leader who rules with threats and ultimatums vs a leader who can charm anyone. You may want to pay attention to who you can really trust in your army. Odds are if the ENTP has already talked to them then they may have joined his resitance or at least thought to themselves if they like him over you. Your best bet is to arm your best men have your right hand prepared and have a couple of scouts just in case someone says something. BUT BE WARNED Doubting the power of ENTP leadership could get you killed. After all this is the person who was making your weapons, how do you know this resistance isn't just some ploy devised to help his TRUE rebel group. An army of Skilled Kunoichi who have been training in the mountains for generations and after your ENTP did a favor for one of the "Ladies" of this organization, the group now owes him a debt that they intend to pay two-fold (in pleasure or killing whoever endangers the life of the ENTP).


Why do you think I started with the ENTPs? :wink:

To be honest, I doubt an ENTP would kill me. One, I've put a lot of effort in learning to be diplomatic/likeable over the years... I'm a bit more difficult to out-charisma than many ENTJs, when I make an effort. Two, ENTPs generally have no interest in long-range organizational planning, and _someone's_ got to do it. Do you really want to leave it to the INTJs, the ISTJs, or the ESTJs? How long would it be, before inexorably mounting frustration led you to shoot _all_ of them? Three, I've never met an ENTP irl that I didn't get along with, just in general.

Like myself, you all exist as extraverted Rationals in a world mainly comprised of Sensors and Feelers. It might be bad for our introverted brethren, but our keenly felt social drives make it doubly difficult for us... 

Standing in bleak, cold streets, sweep of headlights, blinding... falling flakes swirling in the freezing wind... piles of coffee-colored slush piled in the gutters behind you... turn your head... nose pressed against the plate glass window in front of you... looking inside at the remainder of the human race, the fire blazing merrily in the hearth, a snatch of cheerful music... all laughing warmly and relating to one another... glasses clinking... 

I know your alienation, and your quiet despair.

Would an ENTP _truly_ wish to kill someone who understands them and genuinely appreciates them for what they are, rather than reviling them for what they are not?


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## Elistra

aliceinbrc said:


> I've often thought of professional interactions with an ENTJ somewhat like treasure hunting on a mine field. There are untold riches to be uncovered, but you might get blowed up.
> 
> I had an ENTJ boss who was a brilliant manager of people ... in that the work produced from her team was exceptional. But it was _exactly _like working for Miranda Priestly. (I swear, she even once said some version of *"the details of your incompetence do not interest me.") *I was there for three years and the experience was transformative. But I knew I couldn't stay forever: too much overlording for me ever to get to a place of psychological comfort. She and I are close friends now, actually. As it happens, she's a total sweetheart out of the office ... and also I had stay with her for much longer than most associates had before, which earned me some respect.


See, now that's just nasty. I can see having to actively fight down the urge to say something like that when frustrated, but it's an urge which should indeed be fought down.


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## azdahak

Elistra said:


> Why do you think I started with the ENTPs? :wink:
> 
> To be honest, I doubt an ENTP would kill me. One, I've put a lot of effort in learning to be diplomatic/likeable over the years... I'm a bit more difficult to out-charisma than many ENTJs, when I make an effort. Two, ENTPs generally have no interest in long-range organizational planning, and _someone's_ got to do it. Do you really want to leave it to the INTJs, the ISTJs, or the ESTJs? How long would it be, before inexorably mounting frustration led you to shoot _all_ of them? Three, I've never met an ENTP irl that I didn't get along with, just in general.
> 
> Like myself, you all exist as extraverted Rationals in a world mainly comprised of Sensors and Feelers. It might be bad for our introverted brethren, but our keenly felt social drives make it doubly difficult for us...
> 
> Standing in bleak, cold streets, sweep of headlights, blinding... falling flakes swirling in the freezing wind... piles of coffee-colored slush piled in the gutters behind you... turn your head... nose pressed against the plate glass window in front of you... looking inside at the remainder of the human race, the fire blazing merrily in the hearth, a snatch of cheerful music... all laughing warmly and relating to one another... glasses clinking...
> 
> I know your alienation, and your quiet despair.
> 
> Would an ENTP _truly_ wish to kill someone who understands them and genuinely appreciates them for what they are, rather than reviling them for what they are not?



Marry me.


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## aliceinbrc

Elistra said:


> See, now that's just nasty. I can see having to actively fight down the urge to say something like that when angry, but it's an urge which should indeed be fought down.


You know, at the time I thought it was appalling, and there are several other examples where she was just cruel and abusive. But ... I dunno if it's a Patty Hurst thing or what, and yet ... it got me to do really incredible work. Let me put it this way: I came to understand Augie Garrido and appreciate what he and his ilk are able to do. It didn't make me happy, but it made me proud.


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> Marry me.


I'm flattered, but an INTP beat you to it six years ago.


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## Elistra

aliceinbrc said:


> You know, at the time I thought it was appalling, and there are several other examples where she was just cruel and abusive. But ... I dunno if it's a Patty Hurst thing or what, and yet ... it got me to do really incredible work. Let me put it this way: I came to understand Augie Garrido and appreciate what he and his ilk are able to do. It didn't make me happy, but it made me proud.


Was she ever kindly and inspiring as well? Or was it 100% sticks, 100% of the time, and no carrots?


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## aliceinbrc

Elistra said:


> Was she ever kindly and inspiring as well? Or was it 100% sticks, 100% of the time, and no carrots?


"Nice"? No. But she would give rewards in other ways that were intended to compensate.


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## Elistra

aliceinbrc said:


> "Nice"? No. But she would give rewards in other ways that were intended to compensate.


Financial, then? Bonuses and so on?


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## etranger

Clearing up some misapprehensions on utilizing your Mastermind:

Use of the Term "Minion"
Never refer to your INTJ as a minion--it will make them feel undervalued. Assistant, Advisor, Strategist, Analyst, Junior Executive, and Director are all appropriate substitutes. 

INTJ Maintenance: Comments
Life-cycle analysis for the INTJ would suggest that "Mountain Dew" ceases to be effective as a lubricant after between 15 and 20 years--as the INTJ may be functional for about 80 years on average, it is important to note that most INTJs switch to either coffee, or sometimes tea, by the end of the second decade. If your INTJ is a more mature INTJ, they will not be pleased by a case full of "Mountain Dew", and in many cases, will freeze up and refuse to function until a more bioavailable source of caffeine is provided to them.

Proper Use of the INTJ
To most efficiently utilize your INTJs, they should be placed at positions of strategic importance within the organization, because they enjoy constructing, implementing, and fine-tuning systems. As long as the leader of the organization is competent, and the INTJs are given interesting things to do, as well as sufficient autonomy to do them, the risk of rebellion is relatively low. When the INTJ produces reports, comments and criticism--read them, as they are likely to contain useful insights and trouble-shooting suggestions. If a problem that an INTJ has commented on is not addressed, the INTJ will begin to lose respect for their employer, with predictable (and unfortunate) consequences. Likewise, the Overlord who is not pragmatic in their desire for World Domination should not acquire any INTJs at all, as they will quickly come to realize that corporate is erratic (and possibly criminally insane), and will begin to lose confidence in the organization. 

If Your INTJ is Dissatisfied

Signs:
-lackluster performance, tardiness, spelling errors
-constant irritation, snappishness, obsession with seemingly petty problems
-continuous death-glare, out of context
-extreme silence, lack of suggestions/critique
-avoidance

Treatment and Prognosis:
At the advanced stages, INTJ dissatisfaction is incurable--once the INTJ has developed contempt for their boss, their job and their fellow employees--they will respond in one of three ways: 1) bottling up the frustration until it solidifies into diamond-like passive-agression, 2) defecting to a rival organization, or the authorities, 3) attempting to destroy the organization from the inside, or the organization of an internal coup. If caught early, the dissatisfaction may sometimes be cured by the application of measured praise, delegation of power to the INTJ, and removal or resolution of all underlying issues. Your ENFP HR-director should soothe the INTJ alone--by no means should the INTJ be required to attend a meeting as this will solidify their resentment. You may also move one of your INFJ hostages into the INTJ's workspace, as the presence of INFJs is often soothing to INTJs. This particular tactic will be extremely variable in terms of effectiveness, because it is always possible that the INFJ will turn the INTJ's peculiarly vulnerable Fi against you.


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## The Madman

etranger said:


> If Your INTJ is Dissatisfied
> 
> Signs:
> -lackluster performance, tardiness, spelling errors
> -constant irritation, snappishness, obsession with seemingly petty problems
> -continuous death-glare, out of context
> -extreme silence, lack of suggestions/critique
> -avoidance
> 
> Treatment and Prognosis:
> At the advanced stages, INTJ dissatisfaction is incurable--once the INTJ has developed contempt for their boss, their job and their fellow employees--they will respond in one of three ways: 1) bottling up the frustration until it solidifies into diamond-like passive-agression, 2) defecting to a rival organization, or the authorities, 3) attempting to destroy the organization from the inside, or the organization of an internal coup. If caught early, the dissatisfaction may sometimes be cured by the application of measured praise, delegation of power to the INTJ, and removal or resolution of all underlying issues. Your ENFP HR-director should soothe the INTJ alone--by no means should the INTJ be required to attend a meeting as this will solidify their resentment. You may also move one of your INFJ hostages into the INTJ's workspace, as the presence of INFJs is often soothing to INTJs. This particular tactic will be extremely variable in terms of effectiveness, because it is always possible that the INFJ will turn the INTJ's peculiarly vulnerable Fi against you.


Advanced stage:

The initial resentment of the INTJ, if not cured immediately, will free Ni from its programming and allow it to run amuck. If the above symptoms are followed with:

- Daydreaming, an attraction towards art, poetry, and symbology
- Using metaphors which initially appear out of context
- Mysticism, perhaps an interest in religion
- Irrational paranoia and extreme reactions to criticism 
- Individualism to an extreme
- Spending more and more time with the INTP computer programmers and hackers
- Reading Nietzsche and agreeing with Nietzsche's arguments 

Then the INTJ is a lost cause. Any interaction with the ENFP or INFJ will only quicken the disease, and any delegation of power given to the INTJ will only increase your chances of being killed. Follow the procedure outlined in Part 3 of George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four.
If the symptoms appear before the dissatisfaction, then it is likely that the INTJ is in actuality an INFJ with high Ti.


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## Elistra

etranger said:


> At the advanced stages, INTJ dissatisfaction is incurable--once the INTJ has developed contempt for their boss, their job and their fellow employees--they will respond in one of three ways: 1) bottling up the frustration until it solidifies into diamond-like passive-agression, 2) defecting to a rival organization, or the authorities, 3) attempting to destroy the organization from the inside, or the organization of an internal coup.


*boggles at the notion of an INTJ who isn't permanently passive-aggressive, regardless of what's going on*

Apparently, most of the INTJs I've known in real life have been unhealthy ones?


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## etranger

@Elistra

Yes and no. I think it's not... unknown for an INTJ to indulge in a little sweet, sweet subtle bitchiness upon occasion. But, if it's unrelenting and the "aggression" part of passive-aggression is way up--then that is either a *really* unhappy INTJ, or a really unhealthy one, or both.

I mean, I definitely do it sometimes. I drove my poor ESTP ex-housemate into a state of semi-psychosis that way. (It was unintentional. I didn't realize that he'd would've responded better to a straight up "fuck off, jerk" than the death-glare,. Next time.) But, a happy and healthy INTJ is too busy doing other stuff to keep score, and will kind of shrug off most of the things that bother them about other people, I think.


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## Elistra

etranger said:


> @_Elistra_
> 
> Yes and no. I think it's not... unknown for an INTJ to indulge in a little sweet, sweet subtle bitchiness upon occasion. But, if it's unrelenting and the "aggression" part of passive-aggression is way up--then that is either a *really* unhappy INTJ, or a really unhealthy one, or both.
> 
> I mean, I definitely do it sometimes. I drove my poor ESTP ex-housemate into a state of semi-psychosis that way. (It was unintentional. I didn't realize that he'd would've responded better to a straight up "fuck off, jerk" than the death-glare,. Next time.) But, a happy and healthy INTJ is too busy doing other stuff to keep score, and will kind of shrug off most of the things that bother them about other people, I think.


Eh, if it was an ESTP he probably deserved it anyway. :wink:

What precisely is on the list of "things that bother", out of curiosity?


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## etranger

@_Elistra_
...yeah, he was kind of a dick.  

...what bothers me? Oh man. 

I really can't speak for all 60-120 million of us... but certain types of arrogance bother me (I'm so smart! I'm so bad! I'm so tough! ...if you have to say it, you aren't.), crowds are tiresome, people who present as inauthentic or lacking in self-knowledge make me grit my teeth. Traffic. Things that don't work, when they could work. Unnecessary inefficiency. Attempts to extract the feels, non-consensually. Jargon. Having to play status-games. Pomegranates--they're so tasty, but so hard to eat, why? Self-righteousness. Inequity. Pettiness. Malice. People who think their music choices determine their intelligence. Anyone who thinks the Federal Reserve is "evil" but cannot draw a simple supply and demand graph. The parties most responsible for everything that is Word 2011. 

These things. 

...what bugs an ENTJ? The ones I've known usually seem to be pretty unflappable.


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## Elistra

etranger said:


> @_Elistra_
> ...yeah, he was kind of a dick.
> 
> ...what bothers me? Oh man.
> 
> I really can't speak for all 60-120 million of us... but certain types of arrogance bother me (I'm so smart! I'm so bad! I'm so tough! ...if you have to say it, you aren't.), crowds are tiresome, people who present as inauthentic or lacking in self-knowledge make me grit my teeth. Traffic. Things that don't work, when they could work. Unnecessary inefficiency. Attempts to extract the feels, non-consensually. Jargon. Having to play status-games. Pomegranates--they're so tasty, but so hard to eat, why? Self-righteousness. Inequity. Pettiness. Malice. People who think their music choices determine their intelligence. Anyone who thinks the Federal Reserve is "evil" but cannot draw a simple supply and demand graph. The parties most responsible for everything that is Word 2011.
> 
> These things.
> 
> ...what bugs an ENTJ? The ones I've known usually seem to be pretty unflappable.


Gotcha. And I agree with the bit about pomegranates. I love those, but they're such a pain in the ass, lol.

What annoys me: Lazy people. Whiners. Shallow people. People with craptastic attitudes. People who think they're smart, but aren't. People who think they are well-informed, but aren't. People who don't think for themselves and instead mindlessly parrot whatever they're told. People who are impervious to reason. People who bully/abuse animals, children, the innocent, the helpless, etc. People who are never on time. People who are irresponsible, especially if they are so self-entitled that they expect others to pick up their slack. People who don't say what they mean. Cowards. Liars. People who have no sense of humor. Morning people who can't get over the fact that I'm not a morning person, as well. People who push their religious beliefs on others. Oblivious people. People who make lots of noise when I'm trying to get to sleep. People who try to change me. People who are so timid that they make you feel like a monster when you talk to them. Drama whores. Hypochrondriacs. People who drive/walk slow and are in my way. People who complain endlessly about their problems but never do anything to fix them. 

Some of that is type-related, some of that is probably purely personal, and some of that is stuff that I'd imagine pisses off just about everyone. I could add to it, but these are the main things.


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## The Madman

Elistra said:


> Gotcha. And I agree with the bit about pomegranates. I love those, but they're such a pain in the ass, lol.
> 
> What annoys me: Lazy people. Whiners. Shallow people. People with craptastic attitudes. People who think they're smart, but aren't. People who think they are well-informed, but aren't. People who don't think for themselves and instead mindlessly parrot whatever they're told. People who are impervious to reason. People who bully/abuse animals, children, the innocent, the helpless, etc. People who are never on time. People who are irresponsible, especially if they are so self-entitled that they expect others to pick up their slack. People who don't say what they mean. Cowards. Liars. People who have no sense of humor. Morning people who can't get over the fact that I'm not a morning person, as well. People who push their religious beliefs on others. Oblivious people. People who make lots of noise when I'm trying to get to sleep. People who try to change me. People who are so timid that they make you feel like a monster when you talk to them. Drama whores. Hypochrondriacs. People who drive/walk slow and are in my way. People who complain endlessly about their problems but never do anything to fix them.
> 
> Some of that is type-related, some of that is probably purely personal, and some of that is stuff that I'd imagine pisses off just about everyone. I could add to it, but these are the main things.


In short, you are annoyed by pretty much every single person in the world.


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## Elistra

The Madman said:


> In short, you are annoyed by pretty much every single person in the world.


LOL! :laughing:

Well, I wouldn't go _that_ far...


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## etranger

Elistra said:


> People who drive/walk slow and are in my way.


Ah yes. The slow-drivers. Them. Yes. I don't like them. Not at all.

...with the pomegranates, I usually just cave and by the juice. But it *feels* like failure.


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## Murky Muse

azdahak said:


> Here you go. These are for you.
> 
> 
> View attachment 68244
> View attachment 68245


You cannot bribe an INTJ with caffeine and attractive females. Especially not straight female INTJs. Get me a hot male assistant. Then we might be able to discuss what I can do for your company.


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## azdahak

Murky Muse said:


> You cannot bribe an INTJ with caffeine and attractive females. Especially not straight female INTJs. Get me a hot male assistant. Then we might be able to discuss what I can do for your company.


So-called "female" INTJs have just had parts broken off during shipping. This is covered under the warranty. Please have your ENTJ overlord ship you back to the factory for repair.


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## azdahak

etranger said:


> Ah yes. The slow-drivers. Them. Yes. I don't like them. Not at all.
> 
> ...with the pomegranates, I usually just cave and by the juice. But it *feels* like failure.



https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct...=EN6NoX2i7GsvwkqCuUzMsg&bvm=bv.45512109,d.b2I


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## b90

etranger said:


> Ah yes. The slow-drivers. Them. Yes. I don't like them. Not at all.
> 
> ...with the pomegranates, I usually just cave and by the juice. But it *feels* like failure.


Cut it down the middle, hold half of the pomegranate in the palm of your hand over a bowl, with the convex surface of it facing upwards. Grab a ladle or something and senselessly beat the back of the pomegranate until the seeds fall out.

Much less of a mess than these ways with bowls of water and strainers and shit.


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## Murky Muse

azdahak said:


> So-called "female" INTJs have just had parts broken off during shipping. This is covered under the warranty. Please have your ENTJ overlord ship you back to the factory for repair.


You failed at making that funny.


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=easy%20way%20pomegranate%20seeds&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CDQQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D-qfQ3_N7S6Y&ei=sXpzUcGFN6ae2gW3iIG4DQ&usg=AFQjCNGb0AYlnYRJiVjWHS3Up6D0g-mUNQ&sig2=EN6NoX2i7GsvwkqCuUzMsg&bvm=bv.45512109,d.b2I


That's a lot like the method I use, only the initial stages are different. 

Imagine a pomegranate sitting stem side up, and picture this as a map of the earth.

1) Make a shallow "North-South" cut in the rind all the way around, dividing the pomegranate into an eastern hemisphere and a western hemisphere. (The idea is to get it down to the white pulp along the length of this cut but to spare as many seeds as possible.)

2) Make a secondary shallow "North-South" cut all the way around, subdividing the hemispheres into long quarters. 

3) Gently pull the fruit apart along these lines you cut.

4) Put one of these quarters in a bowl of cold water, removing the seeds and, distorting/inverting the outer hull as necessary to facilitate the process.

5) Repeat with the other 3 sections.

6) Skim off the obvious hull bits, and pour the cold water out (a lot of the small hull/pulp bits will go with it). Be careful not to lose the seeds.

7) Fill the bowl with cold water again, and repeat #6.


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## Elistra

Murky Muse said:


> You cannot bribe an INTJ with caffeine and attractive females. Especially not straight female INTJs. Get me a hot male assistant. Then we might be able to discuss what I can do for your company.




Satisfactory?


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> So-called "female" INTJs have just had parts broken off during shipping. This is covered under the warranty. Please have your ENTJ overlord ship you back to the factory for repair.


Oh, I don't want to ship this one back. To some degree I have sympathy for INTJ females, because ENTJ females don't exactly conform to cultural expectations of gender roles, either. Besides, watching them ball-bust male Sensors is absolutely hilarious. :laughing:


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## Murky Muse

@Elistra 

He'll do. And your reply to azdahak's comment has earned you some respect. I'll work with you.


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## azdahak

Murky Muse said:


> You failed at making that funny.


Nah, you've just failed at reading the whole thread to understand where the humor came from...


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## azdahak

@Elistra. Please take down my pic by the way. There are some royalty issues involved, etc.


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## Elistra

Murky Muse said:


> @_Elistra_
> 
> He'll do. And your reply to azdahak's comment has earned you some respect. I'll work with you.


Good, welcome aboard.


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> @_Elistra_. Please take down my pic by the way. There are some royalty issues involved, etc.


Don't tell me you didn't read the fine print on your contract.... :wink:


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## Devin87

I kinda wanna send that to my ENTJ boss, but something tells me he wouldn't find it all that funny... We need a mischievous smiley face...


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## Elistra

Devin87 said:


> I kinda wanna send that to my ENTJ boss, but something tells me he wouldn't find it all that funny... We need a mischievous smiley face...


I agree. Or an evil one with devil horns, or something like that.


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## Devin87

Now we need a guide for ENTPs on how to deal with your ENTJ Overlord without getting struck/cursed/fired/shot. I've been told by the aforementioned ESTJ henchman to "shut up and do as I'm told", but that's really, really hard for me (and I really do have an ENTJ boss with an ESTJ henchman who I've gotten into it with before. It's funny how accurate your description is for my workplace. :laughing


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## Tea Path

Dealing with an ENTJ boss: 
Be clever-you'll break the icy exterior
Be quick-talk to long, you'll be booted out
Be original. We'll eventually find out you stole someone's idea. We HATE being lied to.
Try to discuss eventual applications. If not, no worried, we'll find a way to make money out of it. (which means don't get too attached to the fuzzy feely factor, because we will find a way to make money out of it)
If it doesn't/won't make money, it will be nixed.
Be up front about your motivations-guilt, passive aggressiveness, crying is going to be looked upon with scorn.

If we find you too idealistic, be prepared to be marginalized. Try any of the last tactics more than once, be prepared to get your resume ready for that new job that isn't here. And, don't expect references.


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## Elistra

Also... it rarely happens (especially in a work environment), but if you ever catch us with an odd wistful expression on our faces, tread carefully. This is doubly true if we are staring off into space at the time, or looking at a picture, or handling some sort of personal effect, or staring at a hole where someone ought to be and isn't (ex. an empty office after that person has retired or died). Often, this is a sign that our Fi is acting up. 

It's generally better to pretend you didn't notice, and to just go on with your day.


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## Elistra

I think @_azdahak_ largely has the hang of how not to piss us off already. lol!


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## azdahak

Elistra said:


> I think @_azdahak_ largely has the hang of how not to piss us off already. lol!



My oldest and dearest friend in an ENTJ. I've been manip…..dealing…..toler…..deferring to wisdom for decades.


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> My oldest and dearest friend in an ENTJ. I've been manip…..dealing…..toler…..deferring to wisdom for decades.


That explains it! And on my side of the table, my brother is an ENTP. I've been shouting at... threaten... manip... erm, _appreciating_ him for a few decades, myself! lol! :wink:


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## Elistra

You know, the thought occurs to me. Where the hell are the INTPs? We haven't had one post in this thread yet, have we? 

Then again, alone among the Rationals, INTPs never seem particularly interested in world domination, even jokingly. Why is that, I wonder?


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## mejdiniz

This is hilarious. And can be quite true. Also, I am not interested in world domination either. It would be fun helping someone do it though. Also there would be less of a chance of death.


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## Elistra

mejdiniz said:


> This is hilarious. And can be quite true. Also, I am not interested in world domination either. It would be fun helping someone do it though. Also there would be less of a chance of death.


Yeah, but at least you're interested in helping. And thanks! 

I just posted this in the INTP forums, rofl. 

http://personalitycafe.com/intp-for...ming-lack-intp-interest-same.html#post3648656


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## azdahak

Elistra said:


> You know, the thought occurs to me. Where the hell are the INTPs? We haven't had one post in this thread yet, have we?
> 
> Then again, alone among the Rationals, INTPs never seem particularly interested in world domination, even jokingly. Why is that, I wonder?


Fuck. NOW you tell me you want INTPs. What the hell do you think I've been using to make the INTJ brains? One INTP gets me 10 robots.


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> Fuck. NOW you tell me you want INTPs. What the hell do you think I've been using to make the INTJ brains? One INTP gets me 10 robots.


We can't slaughter the INTPs. I need people to keep an eye on the IxTJ secret police as _they_ keep an eye on the populace! Besides, INTPs love to nitpick their way through vast fields of data, and are seemingly uninterested in power for its own sake, hence lessening the chances of corruption somewhat. :wink:


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## azdahak

Elistra said:


> We can't slaughter the INTPs. I need people to keep an eye on the IxTJ secret police as _they_ keep an eye on the populace! Besides, INTPs love to nitpick their way through vast fields of data, and are seemingly uninterested in power for its own sake, hence lessening the chances of corruption somewhat. :wink:



Well….I didn't want to bring this up…because it's a bit premature. But I think I've come up with a way to convert ISTP -> INTP with massive amounts of Omega 3 fatty acids, nerve growth factor, and the judicious application of trans-cranial magnetic stimulation. 

It works ….but it's a bit unstable….after a few weeks they tend to go all Flowers for Algernon and degrade all the way down ISFP. Then they just in the corner smiling and being amused with their own reflection.


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## Elistra

azdahak said:


> Well….I didn't want to bring this up…because it's a bit premature. But I think I've come up with a way to convert ISTP -> INTP with massive amounts of Omega 3 fatty acids, nerve growth factor, and the judicious application of trans-cranial magnetic stimulation.
> 
> It works ….but it's a bit unstable….after a few weeks they tend to go all Flowers for Algernon and degrade all the way down ISFP. Then they just in the corner smiling and being amused with their own reflection.


Hmm... interesting! Let me see if I understand you correctly. The ultimate difference at endpoint between an ISTP which has been treated with your procedure vs. an ISTP who has never undergone treatment is that the treated ISTP will ...

1) Actually smile sometimes, 
2) Refrain from displaying a lack of social skills,
3) Cease engaging in self-destructive behavior, and
4) Will become even more self-absorbed.

By the current understanding, none of these four outcomes re: ISTP are even considered to be _possible_. While there are some snags which need working out as concerns the original goal of creating stable INTPs from ISTPs, these findings will nevertheless revolutionize the field!

Brilliant! roud:


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## The Madman

This topic is dying...

Attack! Destroy the ENTJ!


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## azdahak

That's what happens when you don't take care of your ENTPs, Elistra. The idea factory shuts down, the INTJs start to malfunction because of not having anything to do. Their eyes start to glow red, and they attack other Js.


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