# please would you like to be, somewhere floating free, seems my destiny/CaptainFantasy



## CaptainFantasy (May 2, 2009)

Hello,

Please allow me to vent some, as it will serve to explain how I found this place and how I might expect this place to serve me.

Personality Cafe was brought to my attention by the recent "spamming" going on at INTPc. There, I have recently been exiled to 'purgatory' for two months (along with 3 or 4 other members), which means I can not reply to the vast majority of threads; and this was after I willingly subjected myself to one month of silence, in a gesture of solidarity with the one month banning of a member who I saw to be one of the more valuable members. 

After it was declared that I was restricted to purgatory, I made a PM inquiry to the administrator who made the declaration, as to why I had been semi-banned. I assumed the reason was connected with my reaction to the banning of said valued member, but the admin shrugged that reason off, and admitted that he was not familiar with me beyond the recognition of my avatar, and that it was not his idea to add me to the list (of four 'purgatorians'). 

I had my suspicions which admin/mods were responsible for 'putting me on the list', and I confronted one of them on IRC chat (I am still maintaining my silence on the forum). I said I had suspicions that he had been responsible for my semi-banning, to which he responded with something like: "All the mods/admins signed off on it, I don't even understand why it matters."

Anyways, I really liked the way that Lance/chipy carried himself with his few posts at INTPc, remaining constructive throughout the criticisms- that is something that I value in forum leadership, as its cultivates quality/improvement in the forum/community. So this place looks pretty cool, I don't expect it to replace the kind of experience I value about INTPc, but I do think it may provide an alternative avenue for the exploring of potential and the broadening of self. 

Now a bit more about me:

Nietzsche is my idol, and I hate that about myself. I'm trying to overcome him - to succeed him!

I tend to alienate myself, which is most likely a good part of the reason why I managed to get myself temporarily semi-banned from INTPc. An interesting question I like to play with is, why do I tend to alienate myself?

I am a wretchedly paradoxical being who whole heartedly embraces the wretchedness that I am destined with; this is how my will is destiny.

I identify a lot with the band Ween, who also tends to alienate themselves. Captain Fantasy is a song of theirs. There is a gnarly brown rendition of it on youtube (@ cat's cradle version) if anyone is interested. 

Some other things that interest/inspire me: NIN, Modest Mouse, Ugly Cassanova, Bob Marley, One Love, TV on the Radio, Jack Kerouac, Kid A, Seu Jorge, Saul Williams, the Knife, LCD soundsystem, the mountains, oilers, flight of the conchords, in treatment, Jungian psychology, dreams, union between 'science' and 'spiritualism/morality', finding/creating/destroying(/forgetting?) value, anti-heros, Mad Men, Sopranos, TMZ, sweet sweet cheeba, experimentation, my ex-gf who i'm still in love with and hate so good, buddhism, jewishness, philosophy, ontology, epistemology, sociology, macro/micro fusion, fractals, peace, mythology, lies, corruption, spectacle! simulation and simulacra (the matrix), sleep, death, correlation and dissimilarity, yada yada yada. 

I have recently been rather fascinated with autism. As a person who feels to have a giant load of thoughts/feelings/sensations/habits pressing upon me, I find it hard to communicate what is important to me in a way which I feel effectively expresses the justice behind the weight. I can relate to the way this high functioning autistic person communicates: [ search "In my language" on youtube]

K, bye now. :blushed:


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

A fascination with autism? A tendency towards self-alienation? You almost sound like me. 
Welcome. roud:


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## slowriot (Nov 11, 2008)

fabulous fabulous. Hello and welcome


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## εmptε (Nov 20, 2008)

*I'm glad to welcome you to the forum.  You sound like an Introverted me. *


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## Trope (Oct 18, 2008)

This should be fun.


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## Schwarz (Nov 10, 2008)

Yay for admin woes and incomprehensible bans.
Enjoy your stay here.


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## Happy (Oct 10, 2008)

Oh my, sorry about your "semi-banning". Seems like INTPc is getting stricter!:shocked: We assure you that we won't be that strict. We have the spam forums to prove it.:wink: Anyways welcome to PersonalityCafe! Hope you stick around with us! Its more fun to mix with other types in my opinion.:laughing:


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## CaptainFantasy (May 2, 2009)

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome, glad to make your acquaintance(s?). 


Nightriser said:


> You almost sound like me.


Neat! What's your take on preemptive alienation? :tongue:



Wolfe said:


> *You sound like an Introverted me. *


does that mean you sound like a drunk me? :crazy:



Trope said:


> This should be fun.


........













Lance said:


> Oh my, sorry about your "semi-banning"


thank you for your concern, but it's really nothing to worry about. I'm glad my circumstances have brought me here anyways :wink:


> Seems like INTPc is getting stricter!:shocked:


I think, in the long run, INTPc might actually benefit from an increase in strictness, as it could serve to bridge the gap I see to be between the intentions of its inner members and that of the general/fringe consensus. 

Ironically, one of the first threads I created there was called "Proposal: Institution of Hierarchy at INTPc (consensus building)", which essentially touted the value of _power,_ through willingly subsuming oneself to the structure of heirarchy. I got a lot of flak for the ideas I expressed in that thread, and the way I expressed them, but now, it seems some of the people who were giving me flak for my ideas are now adopting them as their own. I did receive some support of my ideas, and along with that - enthusiasm and confidence to take my ideas further, as I was still fresh and enthusiatic to the forum experience; but for the most part I felt my ideas were being suppressed, mostly by my own inability to effectively be heard, which played as the precursor to my current situation, as well as the refinement of my method. 



> We assure you that we won't be that strict. We have the spam forums to prove it.:wink:


what's your policy on casual cussin'? and feigning hate out of love?



> Hope you stick around with us! Its more fun to mix with other types in my opinion.:laughing:


I do think I will stick around for a while, but I should forewarn: I seem to work in cycles of self-alienation/renewal. 

I'm definately beginning to remember the value of mixing it up with other types, hehe, and I'm really looking forward to getting around to addressing a few threads which have caught my interest.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Welcome welcome  Hope you like it here!


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## CaptainFantasy (May 2, 2009)

Silhouetree said:


> Welcome welcome  Hope you like it here!


thanks! i'm thinking I will do


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## εmptε (Nov 20, 2008)

*Yes, I quite possibly do. *


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

CaptainFantasy said:


> Neat! What's your take on preemptive alienation? :tongue:


You mean the usual introvert trick of not letting anyone close to one's heart easily, or dumping someone before he/she dumps you? 
In the latter case, it really depends solely on how I feel about the friend. I have very suddenly left friends behind simply because I realize that I'm no longer interested. It horrifies me, and I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I move on. That brings out the side of me that desires finality.


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## CaptainFantasy (May 2, 2009)

Wolfe said:


> *Yes, I quite possibly do. *


If you would consider yourself a dork with hints of casa nova, then I would say its quite possible indeeed.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

CaptainFantasy said:


> thanks! i'm thinking I will do


I bet . I actually posted on INTPc a couple times today for my first time. It seems pretty busy over there :happy:.
I just finally realized what your avatar was haha. I glanced at it and assumed it was an odd abstract form of the Statue of Liberty .


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## εmptε (Nov 20, 2008)

CaptainFantasy said:


> If you would consider yourself a dork with hints of casa nova, then I would say its quite possible indeeed.


*I consider myself a modern geek, who is also casa nova, and completely awesome. Awesomity *


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## CaptainFantasy (May 2, 2009)

Nightriser said:


> You mean the usual introvert trick of not letting anyone close to one's heart easily, or dumping someone before he/she dumps you?
> In the latter case, it really depends solely on how I feel about the friend. I have very suddenly left friends behind simply because I realize that I'm no longer interested. It horrifies me, and I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I move on. That brings out the side of me that desires finality.


Umm, i think i meant a combination of those two- purely in jest though- suggesting that it might be more efficient for two self-alienators to not even begin a friendship, teehee - silly me.

do you think you chose to leave a friend because you lose interest in them, or is it because you subconsciously get the sense that they are undervaluing you somehow, and you cut them off as a sort of a defense or efficiency mechanism?

I too sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me, in my strong desire for finality. things usually become much more clear when I remember: yes, of course there is something wrong with me.



Silhouetree said:


> I bet . I actually posted on INTPc a couple times today for my first time. It seems pretty busy over there :happy:.


Yeah it seems to vary a lot; certain times numberous hot topics will spontaneously arise all revolving around one seemingly overarching theme, which can be really fun. 
INTPc can be a pretty viscious place; if you try talk shit without a solid grasp of logic you will get ripped apart. That viciousness can definately appeal to me, given my present mood.


> I just finally realized what your avatar was haha. I glanced at it and assumed it was an odd abstract form of the Statue of Liberty .


My avatar: Boognish Buddha! -which I feel to be an accurate symbolic represtantion of myself







!



Wolfe said:


> *I consider myself a modern geek, who is also casa nova, and completely awesome. Awesomity *


oh, wow- that's hott... approaching radicool even.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

CaptainFantasy said:


> Yeah it seems to vary a lot; certain times numberous hot topics will spontaneously arise all revolving around one seemingly overarching theme, which can be really fun.
> INTPc can be a pretty viscious place; if you try talk shit without a solid grasp of logic you will get ripped apart. That viciousness can definately appeal to me, given my present mood.
> My avatar: Boognish Buddha! -which I feel to be an accurate symbolic represtantion of myself
> 
> ...


Haha yeah, I noticed the spontaneously hot threads randomly popping up all at once. It was quite weird, but I can't complain, haha.

Boognish Buddha. Elaborate  What's he all about? He reminds me of Wilson from _Cast Away_


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

CaptainFantasy said:


> Umm, i think i meant a combination of those two- purely in jest though- suggesting that it might be more efficient for two self-alienators to not even begin a friendship, teehee - silly me.


Ah, well, now I see. 

I try to fight the self-alienation impulse because total alienation inevitably leads to guilt and amplification of pre-existing self-dislike. Around a good friend, I am less vulnerable to myself, and may even learn to like myself more. 



> do you think you chose to leave a friend because you lose interest in them, or is it because you subconsciously get the sense that they are undervaluing you somehow, and you cut them off as a sort of a defense or efficiency mechanism?


Hm, the original reason I stopped talking to one of my friends was because I felt tremendous guilt over something I had done (or, rather, not done), which lead me to believe that I was no longer a worthwhile friend. As time dragged on, I excused my continuing silence by saying that it simply didn't work anymore. The connection was gone. Of course, that was true, but it wasn't the underlying reason. However, I had made up my mind. She still tries to talk to me, and I still say hi, but I can't say I think of her as a friend any longer. 

The part about being uninterested is partially true, but you're right. It's not the underlying reason. What puzzles me is that she seems to have forgiven me, if she considered what I originally did wrong at all, but I still do not go back to her. 

Then again, I tried my damnedest to let go of everyone around me that summer. I think that in some sense, I did.


So yeah, dark, gloomy, brooding. Not sure you want to deal with that. How's that for alienation? :tongue:


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## CaptainFantasy (May 2, 2009)

[missing link]


> *Boognish Created Ween*
> The story of Ween began when Melchiondo and Freeman (both born in 1970) met in the eighth grade in New Hope, Pennsylvania. Outside Mrs. Slack's typing class, the two pranksters developed an elaborate story about a god they worshiped called Boognish, who supposedly created Ween for mischief-making; he still exists today as the duo's official team mascot. As light-hearted as the duo's make-believe religion sounds, the creation of Boognish became more than a joke between Melchiondo and Freeman. His arrival resulted in a life-changing friendship and creative partnership based on taking music to the limits of immaturity and eclecticism. In the alternative universe of Boognish, Ween are the unquestioned gods of rock.


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

Hello and Welcome I enjoyed reading your OP, hope you stay long enough here for us to discuss NIN, Modest Mouse, Ugly Cassanova, Bob Marley, One Love, TV on the Radio, Jack Kerouac, Kid A, Seu Jorge, Saul Williams, the Knife, LCD soundsystem, the mountains, oilers, flight of the conchords, in treatment, Jungian psychology, dreams, union between 'science' and 'spiritualism/morality', finding/creating/destroying(/forgetting?) value, anti-heros, Mad Men, Sopranos, TMZ, sweet sweet cheeba, experimentation, your ex-gf who you still love and hate so good, buddhism, jewishness, philosophy, ontology, epistemology, sociology, macro/micro fusion, fractals, peace, mythology, lies, corruption, spectacle! simulation and simulacra (the matrix), sleep, death, correlation and dissimilarity. :crazy:


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