# Enneatypes in Bed



## RobynC (Jun 10, 2011)

I'm not sure if this is better suited for the Adult forum or the Enneagram forum, but needless to say this thread is only suitable for those above the age of 18 and 21 where applicable by law.

That being said, has anybody thought of this?


----------



## Theophania (Sep 7, 2014)

Hmm I never thought about this... until now. All I can say is this: type 8s probably want to "take control" in the bedroom. Type 4 s probably value the experience as a deep, emotional connection. 2 s are likely overly concerned with pleasing their partners. 7s just want to have fun lol


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

RobynC said:


> I'm not sure if this is better suited for the Adult forum or the Enneagram forum, but needless to say this thread is only suitable for those above the age of 18 and 21 where applicable by law.
> 
> That being said, has anybody thought of this?


I think it really depends on what specifically one is looking for. 

Are we talking general skills, intimate compatibility, passion, willingness to expand the repertoire?

I think the reactive types (4, 6, 8) have a lot going for them, personally. There would seem to me to be a passionate desire to give and receive on a very deep and intimate level with all three of these types.

Note: I'm keeping it PG-13, just in case.


----------



## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

Theophania said:


> 2 s are likely overly concerned with pleasing their partners.


Yes and No. :wink:

While we try our best to rock their world and cater to all of their kinks and needs, both out of love and a genuine desire to make them happy and that special brand of 2-pride that makes us want to be the best they've ever had, their one and only, we're also one of the most seductive and needy types. We feel passion deeply and demand the same kind of deep passion in return, especially sexual 2s, and while we might gloss over some less appealing aspects out of love and understanding, we also want the best when it comes to relationships and everything's got to be perfect, intimate, intense and get us fries with that. Maybe it's my 1 fix speaking but while I get so drunk on their presence alone and find everything they do amazing, if things don't live up to my expectations or they seem particularly distant, I'll make sure to fix that sooner of later. The thing with 2s is that we need validation, gratitude and love, not only out of genuine love for people, but also because our sense of self is extremely idealized and detached from reality so we live through other people's eyes, compliments, actions and words. We love to love and to be loved by everyone and pleasing others, especially our loved ones, pleases ourselves too.


----------



## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

I highly doubt there is much of a correlation.


----------



## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

Theophania said:


> Hmm I never thought about this... until now. All I can say is this: type 8s probably want to "take control" in the bedroom. Type 4 s probably value the experience as a deep, emotional connection. 2 s are likely overly concerned with pleasing their partners. 7s just want to have fun lol


Hm. I don't think any of these things are specific or exclusive or necessary to each type. I can easily see an Eight wanting to give _up _control here, instead. The bedroom is where a lot of people let loose, about the things they try so hard to control in other aspects of their lives... 

My experience with Sevens is not that they JUST want to "have fun". Their ego or need to connect gets involved, just like with anyone else.

As a Four, I do value the emotional connection but that's not the only reason I want to have sex. And I know some Fours who are perfectly capable of entirely casual sex (not that casual sex and emotional connection are necessarily mutually exclusive, of course).

There are so many things that make up someone's sexuality... So stereotypes aside, I doubt there is too much of a correlation.


----------



## Lord Bullingdon (Aug 9, 2014)

There was a long discussion on EIDB about this recently. I'd link it, but my computer currently won't let me go there. If someone else wants to search and click, though.


----------



## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Oh yeah, ok.

type 6: "I don't _know_ if it's in or not..."

(edit: wait, this is a serious thread?)


----------



## FePa (Feb 13, 2014)

Type 1 wants to every experience to be better than the previous one, and
Type 4 (me) loves that, thank you very much. 
But a little hint that I'm just an aid to an end, could be me or anyone else or the five little helpers, I feel used and disconnect.


----------



## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

In discussion, 9s seem to have a reoccurring theme about power/control/vulnerability, whether it be having it or giving it to another is individual.

http://personalitycafe.com/type-9-forum-peacemaker/50501-sexual-fantasies-nines.html


----------



## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

Karma said:


> Yes and No. :wink:
> 
> While we try our best to rock their world and cater to all of their kinks and needs, both out of love and a genuine desire to make them happy and that special brand of 2-pride that makes us want to be the best they've ever had, their one and only, we're also one of the most seductive and needy types. We feel passion deeply and demand the same kind of deep passion in return, especially sexual 2s, and while we might gloss over some less appealing aspects out of love and understanding, we also want the best when it comes to relationships and everything's got to be perfect, intimate, intense and get us fries with that. Maybe it's my 1 fix speaking but while I get so drunk on their presence alone and find everything they do amazing, if things don't live up to my expectations or they seem particularly distant, I'll make sure to fix that sooner of later. The thing with 2s is that we need validation, gratitude and love, not only out of genuine love for people, but also because our sense of self is extremely idealized and detached from reality so we live through other people's eyes, compliments, actions and words. We love to love and to be loved by everyone and pleasing others, especially our loved ones, pleases ourselves too.


Thank you for this post. It was very insightful.

However, I was wondering if you could clarify some things for me.

While acknowledging Twos' nature of being eager to please, you also explain that Twos have very high expectations in intimate relationships. Do you mean that Twos want verbal affirmation for their efforts, reciprocity, or something else? 

Also you suggest that when a relationship is not meeting expectations that you will "fix it soon"- could you please explain what that entails? Thanks


----------



## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

perennialurker said:


> Thank you for this post. It was very insightful.
> 
> However, I was wondering if you could clarify some things for me.
> 
> ...


Thanks! Bless your face for looking for a serious discussion and being interested to learn more about 2s 

The thing about Twos is that we're eager to please but we also need and demand a certain degree of reciprocity, we aren't dependent on others rather we love to having them depend on us by doting on them and in case of sx doms developing intense, deep and caring bonds. It doesn't have to be necessarily _verbal_ affirmation rather a feeling of reciprocity and need for our efforts and love to be acknowledged and returned, even though in a much milder way as we want to be THE pleasing one as being able to rock someone world and making them feel loved strengthens our pride and gives us happiness. 2s are extremely optimistic and confident in our people pleasing skills to the point they take over us and we're gluttons for emotions and receiving positive attention, a 2 escapes from negativity and being ignored. In a relationship or a friendship we have high expectations because we want to make the other person feel like a God but we want our efforts to be noticed and to receive genuine love and gratitude in return, as an image type we place a lot of importance on outward acts and manifestations of feelings. To us mutual praising, giving and encouraging is the natural state of being and we're extremely let down by people taking us for granted. A common misconception is that type 2 is the completely selfless lover, wanting to give without caring about receiving or feedback while I'd say this behavior is more typical of 9s and sexual 5s (the Soulmate type).

As for "fixing" things, it might depend on the fact that my tritype is strongly connected to type 1, even the official description skips the 2 part and calls us a "healthier" one (which is completely off but I understand what they're trying to say). The optimism of 2s often conceals a lot of anger and indignation (which we try to avoid) and in my case, I can bear a lot for the other person's sake but once something feels off or I feel unloved, I have to step in and point out and correct the negative behaviors. A 2 with a strong 1 fix can get ridiculously anal about details, especially relationship-wise, as we always make plenty of efforts to make sure our partner is completely pleased but there's always something we demand in return; SoM said that sexual 2s give to receive which isn't exactly wrong but he makes it sound like a manipulative thing when the truth is just that we do everything out of love, we want and crave emotional intensity and we're willing to do a lot to receive it. We're also sort of status conscious but not in a 3-like way, more in an emotional sort of way (a silly example would be wanting our posts to be thanked by a specific someone or a certain amount of people because of the care we put in them and the feeling we're trying to convey, also the infamous 2 pride "look I did this for you"). Having a strong 1 fix sandwiched between a 2 core and a defined 7 fix can be the source of a lot of internal struggling but i don't want to give away too much, y'know? ;P

Hope this was helpful, I'm loving this conversation. That was a lot about me, what about you? I see you don't have a type but perhaps there's one you feel more connected to? Let me know if you need help.


----------



## FePa (Feb 13, 2014)

Hi @Karma, that was great
Super insightful. 
What can you tell us about 4s? ; ))


----------



## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

FePa said:


> Hi @Karma, that was great
> Super insightful.
> What can you tell us about 4s? ; ))


Thanks a lot! I'm glad y'all find my posts insightful and it makes me really happy. 

About 4s... please keep in mind that this isn't my type (though they're connected) nor I've ever had any romantic involvement with a core 4 but going both with books and especially after observing my core 4 friends, here's my impression. Fours are one of the most layered types and, much like 6s and 1s, their instinctual subtypes influence their behavior a lot as sexual 4s tend to be a lot more 'in your face' than their softer self preserving and social counterparts. A huge part of a type 4 is their intense relationship with shame, sadness and a lingering feeling of being constantly disconnected from others, they're painfully self aware and as much as a Two focuses on positive feelings and reject any kind of negativity, a Four loves to dwell in and explore the sadder and darker side of their soul, I've noticed that many Fours are extremely uncomfortable with too many compliments or too much agreement, they feel like other people hardly get them and they're wary of too much praise as they feel like it's not genuine and they look desperately for honesty. Sp 4s in particular are one of the most "masochistic" types as they often feel extremely sacrificial, not for other people's sake but their own, they're often strong Fi users and 'grinning and bearing' difficult situations actually makes them feel special, feel good with themselves, it flatters their own idealism. Because 4s are often very idealistic and flooded with feelings that they can't seem to express, either out of shame, worry about being misunderstood and protectiveness toward their inner world that they perceive as unique and deep and true.

Fours have to deal a lot with envy and self deprecation. Sexual Fours in particular are particularly resentful of other people because they envy what they have but at the same time they feel like it's probably too shallow and they wouldn't want it anyway. It's a strong defensive mechanism, they want to be special and unique and loved for who they truly are but at the same time they're extremely wary of superficiality and resent anything too widely accepted as they feel like they'll never be able to fit in or that their own world is being threatened. A 3 or 5 wing makes a lot of difference too imho as 4w3s are more expressive with their feelings and even misunderstood-ness, a true image type, expressing their inner sadness and anxiety through their works, their image, their attitude. 4w5s are more delicate, more withdrawn, more "ethereal" and more protective of their insides. But both are prone to idealization, especially of pain, and feel at most ease when everything is complicated and not ok, the typical "It hurts so good" mentality. They want a partner that touches their heart through their bodies, that makes them feel completely in sync with the world and gets them out of their head but who, at the same time, respects the fact that they'll never understand who they are. If 2s and 3s are social chameleons in their crusades for love or self-assurance, a 4 fears that their individuality will be stolen from them, that their partner will try to change them or that they'll never be good enough for who they are (similar fear to a sexual 3 but a 4 is more likely to be extremely guarded and withdraw at the first sign of that, often being conflicted between contempt and a feeling of guilt about it). But yes, Fours find happiness through deep and sometimes (especially if unhealthy) painful feelings, they're the type who'd write those songs about mixed feelings, melancholy and love&pain coexisting or who'd willingly have sad sex because they desire deep emotional connections with people and lots of attention but at the same time they're fiercely independent and easily feel smothered.

My core 4 sp friend is terrified by both intensity and happiness, he constantly feel as if things might go wrong because of him, that his love will never be returned the way he hopes, he moves extremely slow into a relationship, even after a few dates and his feelings being returned. The kind of person who idealizes deep tragic love as 4s are often the tragic romantics, relating to underdogs (especially social 4s) and need that kind of dramatic feeling, they really do love some moral conflict in a way. They want to be happy but they feel like they don't know what it feels like, that too much happiness is something wrong to have and impossible to reach, they need to ease into a relationship before giving it their all and they can be extremely picky about their partners, often (if unhealthy) refusing to leave a relationship because they feel like they can endure it and that their pining is the best way to experience and investigate their feelings. A creative, soulful lover, devoted no doubt! Often monogamous, a more sexually open 4 is usually experiencing a strong connection and idealization and being caught in the moment, usually the more Bohemian types ;D OR wanting to reject any labels and tradition and developing just as deep polyamourous relationships. As soulful and somehow self sacrificing as a sexual 5 but more guarded and self aware, especially when it comes to their own feelings.


----------



## FePa (Feb 13, 2014)

Karma said:


> Thanks a lot! I'm glad y'all find my posts insightful and it makes me really happy.
> 
> About 4s... please keep in mind that this isn't my type (though they're connected) nor I've ever had any romantic involvement with a core 4 but going both with books and especially after observing my core 4 friends, here's my impression. Fours are one of the most layered types and, much like 6s and 1s, their instinctual subtypes influence their behavior a lot as sexual 4s tend to be a lot more 'in your face' than their softer self preserving and social counterparts. A huge part of a type 4 is their intense relationship with shame, sadness and a lingering feeling of being constantly disconnected from others, they're painfully self aware and as much as a Two focuses on positive feelings and reject any kind of negativity, a Four loves to dwell in and explore the sadder and darker side of their soul, I've noticed that many Fours are extremely uncomfortable with too many compliments or too much agreement, they feel like other people hardly get them and they're wary of too much praise as they feel like it's not genuine and they look desperately for honesty. Sp 4s in particular are one of the most "masochistic" types as they often feel extremely sacrificial, not for other people's sake but their own, they're often strong Fi users and 'grinning and bearing' difficult situations actually makes them feel special, feel good with themselves, it flatters their own idealism. Because 4s are often very idealistic and flooded with feelings that they can't seem to express, either out of shame, worry about being misunderstood and protectiveness toward their inner world that they perceive as unique and deep and true.
> 
> ...


Wow
Just, wow !!!
I never read such a personal enneagram description, it almost fell like you were talking about me, as if you knew me for real
)
Super thanks !! I shall save this post and re-re-re-read 

I'm sx/so, btw
I'm still not sure about the wing, but unrelated to this thread
Thanks again


----------



## Animal (May 29, 2012)

I will fight for dominance, but I want you to dominate me until I am helpless and then take me and ravage me until I forget my name. I want to lose control completely, helpless against your power, bare and naked at the whim of your strength and mercy.

I'll share a very old post about this topic:



> I love sex and I want it real. I believe sex is a communication between two people, and therefore I don't go in with any expectations; I let the dynamic develop on its own. I yearn to devour every corner of the person's mind, heart, and body, and for them to devour mine, to the point where there is nothing left of us but sweat and nails and thrusts, and we don't even know who is who anymore. The specific manner in which this occurs can vary, depending on the dynamic between us. And I feed off the dreams of others. I derive immense pleasure from sharing someone else's dreams and fantasies, and becoming part of them; taking them on as my own, and immersing myself in their deepest yearnings and the most human, naked parts of their psyche that play out in the bedroom.
> 
> But if I am to speak of my own fantasies, I would want no toys, no roleplay, no BDSM rules or roles. I would want to fight for dominance, but be overpowered by raw strength; nothing but the force of limbs, chest, hips, lust and bare hands. It is only when I fight for dominance and end up completely overpowered that I feel truly dominated, and there is *nothing* more invigorating. I yearn to lose control, to lose myself, to lose all notions of power, to feel completely vulnerable; to achieve catharsis. But in order to do so, I would need to know that the person had my best interest in mind, would die for me, would protect me at all costs. If that is not the case, I could not trust him enough to lose myself entirely. At least a small part of me would remain on guard.


----------



## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

@Karma- Where did you get this information?


----------



## Dalton (Jun 10, 2013)

*Just jokes, of course:*

1: I want perfect sex.
2: I want to _give_ you perfect sex.
3: I _am_ perfect sex.
4: My sex is _never_ perfect. Wahhhh. :crying:
5: What is sex (on a philosophical level)?
6: You better not be using me just for sex!
7: OMG let's do all teh sexxi things!
8: I will sex the shit out of you, and you'll like it. 
9: I want you a lot, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable by talking about sex.


----------



## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

perennialurker said:


> @Karma- Where did you get this information?


I've read books by Naranjo and Riso&Hudson, paid a lot of attention to the opinions of some skilled enneatypers in this forum but most of all I love to observe and 'read' people. I love to group them according to similar behavioral patterns and to read through the lines, straight into their core.


----------



## username123 (May 21, 2013)

I'm Type 4, and I feel like with me it's like that stereotype that crazy girls are crazy in bed haha =\ Lately I've realized that I'm liking to be hurt and degraded during sex again. Whereas I used to like the person I was with to be sensitive and gentle, now I crave them being sort of abusive towards me, and I keep trying to figure out why that is. But I introspect too much anyway. I do know that it's always felt sort of like a way to hurt myself - I also have a history of self-injury - without having to do the damage myself. I keep trying to figure out which acts are emotionally harmful and which aren't, and I keep coming back to the belief that all of it is, but then I ignore it.


----------

