# Blind Spot "A-ha!" moments



## Kyea (Mar 26, 2017)

What is your blind spot?? 
Describe a moment when you had some clarity about your blind spot. 

Mine is SO. I've always been a bit confounded about why I never seemed to fit in with my co-workers, I always feel like an outsider, and the moments that I'm aware of it really hurt. I think.. I _try_. I really do! But job after job after job.. it's always, depressingly, the same. Every so often (high estrogen days?) I'd be a bit chattier than usual, say hi, ask them about their weekend ect. But I guess this is an irregular pattern on my part, and I've come to realize this can really throw people as coming off hot/cold/weird (I'm so very sorry!!! :sad. 

One day, trying (yet again) to figure out the why of it all. It dawned on me.. "oh wait.. (as a woman amongst a group of women, our social culture dictates that) I'm suppose to be _interested _in these people.. as in.. interested in who they are as people, what they do, what they like, how they spend their free time, their families ect. I should be asking about this stuff, remembering it, and actually bringing it up in further conversations!" (And perhaps terribly as a 7, it's always all kids/grandkids/remodeling.*yawn*.. the homey stuff that keeps you tied down and indoors. (again.. sorry! I really do love you all!) At least, this is what I think I've recently figured out. I'm still trying to test it out. The introvert in me finds it *exhausting* to try to put this much effort into other people on a daily basis. I'm sure I could do an excellent job, if I only had to do it once a week. 

It was a huge, (pathetic!) lightbulb that went off. It's very odd since, as an SX first.. when I meet someone who I connect with, all of this interest that I otherwise struggle with, is automatic and very long lasting. With an SX connection, I want to know everything about them, I'll remember every nuance, and savour every moment, replaying things in my head. This is connection baby! lol. Life as a contradiction.. ugh. 

It is _so weird_ being an introverted Sx/Sp!! Can anyone relate to any of this? 

How about you? What is your BS? What are your blind spot aha moments, where you had some insight (or confusion you're still working on?)


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

Like I'm thinking why i cannot balance my life? When i focus too much on work and studies it's good but i don't feel that happy because I'm busy. But when i try to idle and chill and be happy, i forget my responsibilities.. Then i will try to limit myself by removing my idle time.. 
Then i have an aha moment. 
Why don't i try to just allot a time for work and study? Time management.  
I CAN study, work and idle at the same time.
Only time management!  
Balance. 
My other self is very wise. XD 
I'm dumb

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

I think I'm sp-last. I have to constantly remind myself of certain things.
(will elaborate later lol)


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

I didn't realize until a couple years ago that most people plan for other people in their future. 

I keep forgetting to do this. It's not that I'm not interested, I just don't think about it unless someone else brings it up. My head is always filled with finances, my career, my (highly individual) hobbies. Sx-oriented things like relationships and connections and closeness never cross my mind.

The downside is I'm getting old enough that this sort of behavior draws a variety of reactions from others, mostly negative or pandering. I'd say it's probably my only significant social insecurity. Fortunately, I'm excellent at controlling conversation flow, so I can mostly sidestep this whole topic altogether.


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## star tripper (Sep 1, 2013)

I get quite a few of these. I get inspired and think, "_This_ is the solution to all my problems!" but then I don't implement the solution because I don't really think about it and so I get stuck in old habits.

These "solutions" can be summarized as "focusing on myself." I've come to realize that if I would just focus on building myself up, on taking care of myself, most of my most pervasive problems would simply go away. I constantly plan to hit the gym, practice meditation, and learn the rattle and hum of my own body. I believe that once I learn my heart's cadence and the syncopated rhythm of my own gait, once I can confidently feel the sensation of my toes on the concrete, then my neuroses will clear up.

But I do not have that discipline and I envy those who do.


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## Mick Travis (Aug 18, 2016)

In my childhood, I had difficulty communicating with my peers. They seemed to be living in a homogeneous world of Battle of the Network Stars with competition and propaganda. I was part of a huge internal and external world as well. However, mine was intertwined with my creativity. 

http://personalitycafe.com/attachments/generation-x-forum/571402d1471749809-born-1970s-growing-up-kid2b.jpg

At times, this difference felt bad.

Sometime around 1980, I understood that my peers were being led to be who they were. I then understood that I was a leader.

You've helped bring back a flood of memories. Thank you.

View attachment 658770


1981. I'm on the left.


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## shazam (Oct 18, 2015)

Only really with jokes :/. I can be really thick when it comes to them. The same with peoples sarcasm. Sometimes they make no sense and I'm like "that's funny?".

I'm 8w9 btw.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Don't think I've had an a-ha moment with regards to sp blindspot outside of how I figured how working on sp may actually improve sx, in the sense that some people can find being good at sp attractive, so it serves my sx dominance positively. It's also more useful for serving long-term relationships. That was quite some time ago, though.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

I don't really have any of these... Don't feel like I'm _unaware _of any of the instincts in such a way.

Also, is feeling like an outcast really So-last?


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Distortions said:


> Also, is feeling like an outcast really So-last?


Not really, since it's also an intrinsic desire for people to feel as if we socially belong to a group. We are social animals and we depend on feeling as if we are a part of a social context of some sort, even if that means just having a few close friends and connection to a family. If you have absolutely no social connections whatsoever your mortality rate goes through the roof due to a far greater tendency towards developing depression and then suicide. 

I would say that what's far more typical for social lasts is that they fail to understand the importance of group/social identity and often struggle with making claims to group/social identity that would assign them a specific social role in society. Social types are more likely to declare themselves to have a group identity like they represent or are a part of a group e.g. being a metalhead, being a liberal left politician, a women's right activist, a vegetarian (due to lifestyle choices so they also make a social statement with their diet as opposed to simply being raised to eat it) etc. Instead it becomes more as if they just listen to metal music because they like it, or support certain politics because it makes sense etc., but not because any of these activities or interests really represent where they are situated in a larger social context and how that makes them relate to society at large. 

If you know that you identify as a metalhead, for example, you know that you are a part of counter-culture and a counter-culture movement which means that you know that you are outside normative society. You can then actively choose to relate back to normative society at large in some way e.g. scorn it for its shallowness, normalcy or lack of authentic expressiveness, which is very typical of many counter-culture movements. Either way, you know that your interests and your identity are transgressive, different and not generally acceptable.

All of this becomes irrelevant if you don't experience your taste of music to provide a group identity for you. You can still feel as if you don't fit in, but you may struggle to define why that is or why people perceive or judge you and your music taste the way they do because you don't see it defining you and your person and your social attitude(s), but those with the social instinct definitely do try to judge where you fit in within that kind of context.


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Distortions said:


> Also, is feeling like an outcast really So-last?


Definitely not

*Source:* So-dom


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

I'm actually really glad to see someone call forward the idea of an "aha!" moment. We spend so much time trying to figure out type labels here, sometimes without even noting that it's the self inquiry, not just knowing which type you are, that really makes the enneagram a powerful tool. 

One thing the enneagram has taught me to do as a habit is to allot some time every day to sit, away from work and daily concerns, and let thoughts and emotions run freely. When I do this, I make it a point to not try to think "what type is that" - I just let myself "go," and inquire why I thought or felt what I did when things do surface. 

When I do that, I typically find that it's my _dominant_ instinct, in conjunction with core type, that has created a blind spot, as a result of putting so much of my focus into that single area and spending little cognitive "space" on others. 

As a SO 1, I spend inordinate amounts of cognitive focus on applying judgments of best ideals to myself and my surroundings and forming opinions (usually critical) on what "isn't" but "needs to be." When I'm faced with something, I instantly form this opinion on where things aren't up to snuff, with a keen underlying awareness of what could result in disapproval. Because I constantly criticize myself, I am also hyper-aware of every way someone picky could reject you - as well as what one could do to keep themselves above rejection. Because of that, people who are negligent, lack control, lack common courtesy, alignment with promises, and so on trigger me very easily - almost as easily as when I sense I may be coming across that way.

Sometimes SO 2 issues can become issues as well. I easily make the mistake of thinking if I occupy a higher social position, other people will admire me, and the smug satisfaction of that is an actual reward in its own right when in reality it's never "enough." This can actually backfire significantly, in that I will do things for people or groups I may not want to do, tell myself I'm okay with doing it, then get annoyed when it doesn't get the response I had precalculated and hoped for, or discontent when I then feel like I get trapped doing things because I volunteered and lose the freedom to make my own choices. 

As a SP last, the blind spot there is more neglect than blind; I haven't, for example, been to the doctor in like 2 years but figure I'm 27 and in fine health. Or, fail to exercise unless it's stimulating. 

The true _blind spot_ itself I face the most is actually in overestimating the importance of respectability, and trying too hard to color within the lines of life at the expense of allowing myself to experience the freedom of actually knowing what I (not somebody else) truly would enjoy doing and letting those experiences pull me in. My delusion is in thinking it's somehow my job to make those sorts of experiences happen in being "good" at what I do.


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Ok actual comment:

I currently believe my blindspot is sp, though...that is not met with universal agreement so do what you like with it.

I don't know if I have really experienced this in one particular 'aha' moment but over the past few years (and to a lesser extent since my childhood) I've been coming to a place of a. noticing b. not immediately rejecting and c. finding a place for sp matters. As a child...I think I was extremely confused by the notion of many self-preservation things...part of that was pure childhood, I resented being made to wear warm clothes, fought tooth and nail at the notion of having to take medicine (though you could argue that's more of a sp-first behavior, in my case I think it was largely a problem with caring that I was sick, and not wanting to acknowledge the body as important enough to warrant this attention, also just wanting things to take their natural course), but I was also extremely flighty and dismissive of almost every kind of sp. And, you know, I wasn't stupid I think but it wasn't until my sophomore or junior year of high school that I realized that I needed to get credits to get a diploma, that I needed a diploma to go to college, that I needed to go to college to get a job, that I needed to get a job to live...well, that was an 'aha moment, it really had never, ever occurred to me before, if I heard about these things in passing I thought people were being stupid for worrying about school or whatever, I really until that point thought that the point of going to school was to gain knowledge, and I did that in my own way, only caring about my grades as a game...

I mean, it wasn't until I was 15 or 16 that I actually realized as a fully-fledged thought, "If I don't make enough money, I won't have a way to live". And then I was basically unequipped to deal with that realization, mostly reframed it into so, spent a long time pretending I wanted to have a high-status job even though literally no one around me cared about that, but it was (and still is) impossible for me to do something, just to preserve myself...

My real trouble is that I never ever learned how to chase a prize, and I think that's particularly sp in my case at least. I always did things just for their own sake. And even when I understood the consequences, it's still such a difficult thing for me, to jump through hoops, and that's something I'm constantly realizing, that you can't do things by just doing them, and moreso that most people recognize that and make allowances for that naturally. 

But more than that even, that the things people talk about are not fake things. I posted, earlier, a quote from a story where I described this realization in a dramaticized way, but I took it down, to summarize the point it was that the person realized...that people don't love money, that people love what money brings them, that exchanging coins unlocks blessings and curses. On important things. 

I used to be _so dismissive_ of this kind of thing...worrying about money, and security, and suchwhat. And I have to remind myself, constantly, that people aren't being stupid for thinking about these things, that I don't have something figured out that they don't...actually they know how to do something that I probably never will know how to do: they know how to survive, they know how to live like people live, how to sustain. And it matters, being poor, because being hungry matters, because you don't want the people you love to suffer or to die. Improving your lot means something, it's not just something people say. It means that when your child gets sick you will be able to afford medical care, it means that you have the freedom and opportunity to live the life you are meant to live, not constantly be a slave to necessity. These are obvious, childish truths but I have to repeat them to myself often, I have to remind myself that something real is meant by these things. (I hope I marry a sp-first guy lol, I need someone around me who knows what they are doing )

For instance, I listen to this song:


* *












I kinda have to think through it...'wait, why is it so important he doesn't throw away his shot? he's hungry, think about the feeling of being hungry, do you like that? yeah but why write a whole song about it? No, he has goals, he wants to improve the future of the country...but why? so that people in the future can have a better life. But what does that actually mean?' and etc.

There are some other things maybe...for instance I used to never think about clothes, I looked like a messy hobo, my friends basically had an intervention for me and forced me to start thinking about clothes and I did...I mean that was when I was 13-14, I went through a period where I really cared about appearance and I think overcorrected, assumed that was all people cared about, since then I've come back about halfway, but that was a bit of an a-ha moment, to kinda realize what one's physical appearance communicates.

Also quite recently I've been realizing what a difference physical and self-preservation things can make. I think the a-ha moment was deciding for some random reason to cut dairy out of my diet, and suddenly feeling 200% better mood-wise, realized I was allergic, it absolutely blew my mind that something like what I put in my stomach could affect me besides just in that moment (and in terms of weight oc). Since then, probably not just because of that moment but in general, I've been kinda...experimenting with how changing something in the environment can actually change the reality of the situation, it's like magic :words: For instance, I've been paying attention to...if there are objects between me and someone else, it creates a sense of distance, so I try to add them or take them away depending...been trying to pay attention to if I have some aches or something that unconsciously put me in a worse mood, and try to fix them...other ones too, I don't want to give my secrets away :sun-smiley: It actually kinda terrifies me (not really but) that these tiny things can make a big difference.

Sp still feels like a blindspot, there's still a lot of things that...I just forget to pay attention to until someone points them out, or there's no way to ignore them...still walk around thinking maybe people are looking at me because I look amazing some day and then realize that my arm's bleeding profusely or something...and other things...maybe I have individual a-ha moments but I don't seem to learn from them so it doesn't count.

Of course some of that is probably MBTI (think I'm ENFx so 1D Si) maybe core Enneagram in some places, but that's my general...what I have to say on the topic


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Oh, and I guess another one, forgot to mention...I guess I always assumed that when people talked about some sp things, like money, improving one's place in the world (I know there's more to sp but I can't think of other examples, I always kinda assumed that these were...excuses basically for something else. Like reading books or watching shows I never understood this kind of thing...was always looking for the 'real motivation', and it's a bit of a (perpetual) a-ha moment to realize that this _can_ be a real motivation, that usually it's _not_ a cover.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

The Night's Queen said:


> \Also quite recently I've been realizing what a difference physical and self-preservation things can make. I think the a-ha moment was deciding for some random reason to cut dairy out of my diet, and suddenly feeling 200% better mood-wise, realized I was allergic, it absolutely blew my mind that something like what I put in my stomach could affect me besides just in that moment (and in terms of weight oc). Since then, probably not just because of that moment but in general, I've been kinda...experimenting with how changing something in the environment can actually change the reality of the situation, it's like magic :words:


Lol, I kinda relate to that. Like I've been realizing that eating right and actually going to bed etc really does have an impact on my mood and energy and... Of course I always "knew" this, but it took me a while to really internalize it. Although in my case I think it's mostly a cognition thing. I can be pretty stupid about this stuff because I still do focus on it, like how uncomfortable and close to dying and stuff I always feel, but it's so hard to figure out what to _do _about it. It feels like that's just how I am in a way.


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

I've never been really interested in making myself attractive until recently. And before coming out I was uninterested in relationships and sex. I feel like whenever I try to attract someone I always do it in a very clumsy way, not smooth, trying to be subtle but appearing very obvious or like I'm trying too hard. I don't think I attract people, I repel them more often. I want to be fascinating and I worry about that a lot. It's more a gut feeling what made me say I'm sx last. It feels a bit foreign to me, I guess, I don't fully understand it.


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## star tripper (Sep 1, 2013)

I wonder if sp-lasts had fewer health problems growing up than the average human, or if they at least THINK they did. I know I take my health for granted all the time. I'm the only sp-last in my friend circle (+ 1D Si), and my friends very often talk about allergies or having to wear a brace because of a bad knee or calling out sick due to intense cramps or, and Istg this always happens, whenever they're sick and take medicine, they get weird ass side effects and then say stuff like, "Lol that WOULD happen to me."

Meanwhile, I don't notice that shit at all. I had a fucking UTI for four months and didn't give it any attention until I collapsed at work and my coworkers took me to the hospital, not to mention I was told I was lactose intolerant years ago and I still drink milk and feel fine. Another thing I notice is that when I take medicine, I expect it to work just fine without any side effects whereas my friends expect the side effects to bite them in the ass.

I was the first of my friends to get birth control. I found out they can put a stick in your arm and it's 99% effective but it has hellish side effects for 67% of women. My friend was immediately iffy about the whole thing but I essentially assumed I'd be in the 33% and didn't give it much more thought. Turned out I was in the 67% but I still thought, "Well this isn't _hellish_, just a bit annoying," and I ignored the side effects until my SO put his foot down and emotionally blackmailed me into treating the side effects.

^^I agree with some of what's been said. The first time I hit the gym, it blew my mind that you can _gain energy from expending it_. How the fuck? And while I always knew eating right and exercising makes you more physically attractive, I didn't realize it could also enhance your personality AND stave off existential depression. Sounded like pure hocus pocus to me.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

@star tripper

I'm sp first, and I totally take my health for granted. My family on both sides is really hardy, and have had very, very few health problems despite ignoring doctors for most of their lives. That attitude has rubbed off on me. I go a long time without seeing doctors, and have a tendency to "work through the pain" rather than go get it resolved. That said, I'm very in tune with my body and know instantly if something is off. I pay attention to it, but more in a "monitor it and see what happens" kind of way.

So it might also be a cultural thing, not necessarily just an sp last thing.


@The Night's Queen 

Thanks for that insight. It's really interesting to hear how you were dismissive of sp stuff and then even when you tried to adopt aspects of sp into your life you've done it in weird ways. I wonder if we all try and accommodate our Blindspot in more unusual ways because we don't really know what we are doing.


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## Gorgon (Feb 16, 2015)

For me it's more like "oh sh%t! _facepalm_ :frustrating:" moments. Anyways, not specific aha moments, but things I've come to notice over time:

1. I have a general unawareness of how I come across, and this was especially true when I was younger. When I miscalculate, or plainly don't pay mind to, the effect my words or actions have, and someone points this out or it backfires on me, I get slightly anxious or irritated (I got caught off guard). There have been times when I've felt like I had to police myself in order to not come across unfavorably especially in situations where one stupid faux pas can squander any future opportunities. In general, I think social firsts, with their natural focus on social dynamics and their often nuanced understanding of them, are better at manipulating their image and environment in a way that garners the results they want, which is something I admire and envy. 

2. For a long time, I've never saw the point of viewing myself or basing my identity through group affiliation (whether that be through nationality, subculture, political orientation, etc.). Or why should I orient myself in relation to a larger social context. If I did, it was for pragmatic reasons. But over time, I began to realize the importance and significance of group identification and what that entailed. What is is way to communicate your identity, interests, views, and position in a way that relates to a larger milieu. This is especially important in regards to disenfranchised groups, whose presence and voices have been historically ignored, oppressed, and disregarded, where group identification can be a form of dissent and a way of asserting one's voice and presence.

EDIT: Those are the two main a-ha moments, the other is noticing how solitary I am compared to people my age, and just generally how out of touch I am.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

I'm quite certainly soc-last. 

Basically my entire life I've somehow managed without ever fully understanding socializing. I've had great friends and relationships at nearly all points in my life, but these just somehow happened to me because someone vibrant found me and decided they like me, or because I zoned in on someone I felt some serious chemistry with. In both cases it's a very individual process; for some reason I've always had immense difficulty understanding or even naturally paying attention to groups and their dynamics. 

Additionally, I'm terribly neglectful of "friends" I'm not feeling a connection to at the time -- I just forget they have needs and emotions of their own, that we probably had a budding relationship (in their eyes), and that really, sometimes I should take initiative and contact them or put some kind of effort or energy into interacting with them. I forget that relationships need regular and timely attention to work out, and focus instead on the one or two people I feel a reckless magnetism towards, pouring all my vitality into maintaining and intensifying those connections. I would literally live or die for those connections, and then there are other people I just leave on "seen" for days or weeks on end, not because I want to, but because talking to them simply slips out of my mind.

Until recently I never understood why this approach to socialization was total rubbish, and then I kept questioning myself as to why I was so friendless. Now I'm kiiiinda seeing a soc-dom type 8, and he's a massive social butterfly, with great friends and connections wherever he goes. Everyone wants his company, he's always the center of attention, and at first I didn't understand it at all. What was he even doing?

I assumed, initially, that it was just all due to charm and personal magnetism. Then I tried to take an objective look at how he really treated people, including me. I noticed that from the very beginning, he was always very, very involved and attentive in every conversation, even when (in my eyes) he had no reason to, because we were not more than acquaintances yet at the time. He would always ask questions about the things I said, show interest in the places I led the conversation, and if we were texting, would always respond on time, wouldn't randomly disappear for several hours, follow etiquette all the time (wish me good night, compliment things at the right time, ask how something went for me/how I feel about something I mentioned)...

...in short, a ton of different things I rarely ever did or even realized I had to do. It wasn't just me he offered this kindness to, but to everyone he interacted with and didn't outright dislike. Oh, and he'd make a LOT of time for people. If anyone ever needed his help, he would offer it, and this was amazing to me, because personally I've been guilty of finding excuses to avoid situations where I'd be tied down helping people I don't really care a whit about. I've avoided and discarded so many connections at this point, all because I don't personally feel that spark. That spark is all that really makes me care about someone new. 

No wonder people found him interesting and friendly -- on all accounts, he's interesting because he's interested in everyone, and he's always a good friend. He makes time for even the small connections, always keeps his word, and shares himself with everyone. This, apparently, is what you have to do to really start building up an entire network of connections. Understanding that was definitely one of my biggest "aha!" moments, and certainly enough, when I tested it out a bit, it had positive results. Now I'm definitely not as much of an amateur when it comes to socialization, though I still feel like quite a child for understanding something so _basic _only now that I'm already in university. I haven't gotten very far... I still pour all my energy into one or two connections that I feel sustain me, and without the high I get from those connections I would be a husk of myself. But it's something. Now I think I understand the basic tenets of the social instinct, lol.


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