# Help me with my incurable sin of envy.



## Momo Jojo (Dec 22, 2012)

Oh, also, just because she's more "logical" doesn't mean that she's smarter. You are obviously more clever.


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## superbundle (Nov 29, 2012)

Doll said:


> lol, you know, if I had read this yesterday I probably would have burst into tears of indignation, but now it kind of makes me laugh a little because, while the truth hurts, it's the truth, and I admire your tough love because it's made me look at things with more perspective (if you thought my post was dramatic, then I'm really glad you didn't see how I acted last night...)
> 
> I've definitely tried to minimize my emotional impulses, but it feels next to impossible for me. I'm jealous of other types who can put on a cool exterior and do what needs to be done even in the midst of an emotional breakdown. I can put up a face at work, but I have to take several breaks in order to go and re-evaluate myself and release some emotional tension. It's literally a physical feeling... like my entire body and heart is being pushed through a juicer and being shredded to little bits. I don't know how to stop that from happening.
> 
> ...



Firstly I wanted to say, You are Unique. You don't need anyone to see it, but yourself. Believe in it. 

And I don't believe in fitting into a role, rather a role fitting you. But anyway, it sounded a lot like you were putting your whole entire hope and future in that proffession. I think, instead, it should be directed in who you are already. The talents that you do have, and keep nurturing them.
Don't place your hope on a job, place your hope on yourself.

I doubt there was anything wrong with how you worked. You probably worked so well as that role, that they couldn't afford to move you to a higher position, because you did so well in that position. That is exactly what is happening to my relative. So it's not a quality that you're missing, it's just that you're so efficient in the stuff given to you.

I definitely agree with *tanstaafl28 that you should make an effort for some physical exercise. That, I believe, is definitely important. Especially since you say sometimes its hard to stay grounded. Then go out for a walk. It can be as simple as that. Definitely incorporate it in your life. 
*


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

@Doll I am sorry if I was too hard on you. With how expressive you are in your writing, I am surprised you have not tried poetry, short stories, or maybe even a novel. I could see you writing for a sit-com or something too. I think you need somewhere to perform, and you aren't going to get that where you are.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

tanstaafl28 said:


> @Doll I am sorry if I was too hard on you. With how expressive you are in your writing, I am surprised you have not tried poetry, short stories, or maybe even a novel. I could see you writing for a sit-com or something too. I think you need somewhere to perform, and you aren't going to get that where you are.


Don't be sorry, I needed it.

My major in college was creative writing. I try to write still, from time to time, but I have difficulty staying on task and completing something. I haven't finished a novel yet, but I do have one in the works. Poetry has never been my friend. I love it, but for some reason I can't... arrange it right... I don't know if that makes sense. There's something undeniably mathematical about poetry (even if you're using free verse) that has to be present otherwise it just doesn't sound good/right. For some reason I haven't been able to nail that practicality down.


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## snowbell (Apr 2, 2012)

Wow... I'm sorry I don't really have any words of advice or something to cheer you up, but I do hope you manage to get a better job (should you leave) or some giant (and useful) karma points for being passed over like that - If I were in your shoes I'd also have been pretty frustrated...


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

Well, it can be a 4 problem to project confidence without seeming arrogant or elitist. The "ESTJ business suit" often looks this way also to people. I'm guessing from your description that you tend to read as either insecure or arrogant, but not an easy confidence.

I think the reason your boss can't give you concrete reasons is because there are none; people often hire, fire, and promote based on instincts & impressions. This person who got the promotion sent out the right "vibe", that is all. Why people do his, I don't know. It's a Si world....

In other words, there's no logical explanation, and trying to find one will drive you nuts.

As 4s, a big step is letting go of the idea that there is something wrong with us, something we can't quite put our finger on. We will never find it, because it's not there, and the focus on it just makes us NEGATIVE. People pick up on this energy, and it pushes them away from us. When disappointments occur, we can't take it as a sign of our lack of value. Everyone else is not always getting good things either; they get disappointments also, we just tend to see where _they_ succeed and where _we_ fail. That also perpetuates the negative cycle. As you build this more balanced view of yourself, you'll start to send out good vibes, leave the impressions on people that draw them to you in the way you want, and it will be authentically YOU. 

And I see you're recognizing that your social skills (or lack thereof) have probably had a part in this. It would be nice if people were hired & promoted based on actual ability to do a job well, but they mostly are not. People who are likable and charming and who BS well get ahead. They make people feel how they want to feel, and this skews the impression of what they are capable of.
Your co-worker does not need to prove himself on the phones, only to schmooze the right people within the office. This sort of thing is difficult for INFPs and e4s to do, because it feels inauthentic and takes a lot of energy. Even the ESTJ business suit doesn't read this way - it looks competent and confident, but not in a charming & likable way.


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