# ISTJ Faces



## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

I'm an ENFJ. My new ISTJ husband seems so expressionless and monotone to me. I often ask what's wrong and he looks at me puzzled as to why I asked that. Sometimes he's so quiet and and stern looking I feel like I've done or said something wrong...or he's changed his mind about what he wants or something. When I ask It's always the same answer...nothings wrong I'm happy. 

His texts show more excitement, and eagerness. I get fooled by them because when I finally see him his demeanor is nothing like the text. 

I see myself working extra hard to please him but I think It's more to get some sort of reaction out of him. 

Is this an ISTJ thing?


----------



## lightwing (Feb 17, 2013)

That sounds like me as well. I would say probably, yes.


----------



## Acerbusvenator (Apr 12, 2011)

FatSpacePenguins said:


> I'm an ENFJ. My new ISTJ husband seems so expressionless and monotone to me. I often ask what's wrong and he looks at me puzzled as to why I asked that. Sometimes he's so quiet and and stern looking I feel like I've done or said something wrong...or he's changed his mind about what he wants or something. When I ask It's always the same answer...nothings wrong I'm happy.
> 
> His texts show more excitement, and eagerness. I get fooled by them because when I finally see him his demeanor is nothing like the text.
> 
> ...


Maybe: Advice Center

Anyways, I hope you don't tell him that he seems expressionless and monotone. Could be considered offensive.
Fi kinda makes TJs (and FPs) have more of an internal flame than an external.

You should stop forcing yourself to please him, he likely appreciates you already for who and how you are (doubt the relationship would have gone this far otherwise).
If you spend a lot of energy trying to make him shine up you'll likely end up disappointed (since it would spark an internal fuzzy feeling rather than something externally visible) and drained which would then end with you being upset without him understanding why which would make you even more upset (since that would make your attempts seem like a waste of time since he doesn't even understand why you got upset) and then the relationship would be torn apart and you'd walk your separate ways.


----------



## FatSpacePenguins (May 26, 2012)

I think you're right, it just sounds better coming from other ISTJs. My husband is a wonderful man, an amazing husband. I know I'm a strong Fi, very sensitive to facial expressions, and indirect comments. I often read into things too much, and over assume which causes drama. 

Thank you for your input.


----------



## Soren Aabye (Mar 30, 2013)

FatSpacePenguins said:


> I'm an ENFJ. My new ISTJ husband seems so expressionless and monotone to me. I often ask what's wrong and he looks at me puzzled as to why I asked that. Sometimes he's so quiet and and stern looking I feel like I've done or said something wrong...or he's changed his mind about what he wants or something. When I ask It's always the same answer...nothings wrong I'm happy.
> 
> His texts show more excitement, and eagerness. I get fooled by them because when I finally see him his demeanor is nothing like the text.
> 
> ...


You should honestly check out this page on personality type faces. Its a socionics page I think you will like it - you can find the ISTJ face on there.

Link: Socionics Types Gallery

Go Down to Sociotype Face Composites.


----------



## Dean Machine (Aug 30, 2011)

Hopefully I am not repeating what others have said too much. This is something I do as well, and I realize it can cause confusion. I can tell you that your husband is most likely perfectly happy with you regardless of how he outwardly expresses emotions face to face. Being monotone does not always mean people are bored or unhappy. I, for instance, am almost always monotone, even when talking about things I love. It seems to me that it's easier for him to express himself over text, and I encourage you to believe in them a bit more. Sure it may show an opposite reaction than his face-to-face one, but it is most likely the more accurate interpretation of his actual emotions. 

I know your situation can be frustrating, my SO has told me that enough, so if it persists to be a bother I would sit him down and talk it through. Don't make him do anything he's not comfortable with, just make the situation clear and you two can work on it together from there.


----------



## stone100674 (Jun 22, 2012)

FatSpacePenguins said:


> Is this an ISTJ thing?


Pretty much, yes. My nick IRL is actually stone, but that was taken when I joined. 
If you ask in ISTJland you might get more responses and insight that you might find helpful.


----------



## stone100674 (Jun 22, 2012)

Acerbusvenator said:


> Anyways, I hope you don't tell him that he seems expressionless and monotone. Could be considered offensive.
> Fi kinda makes TJs (and FPs) have more of an internal flame than an external.


When it concerns somebody I care for I try to be more expressive, so it would tell me that I failed in my attempt. It wouldn't be offensive to me so much as painful to be aware that I failed so grievously. Others might feel differently about it though because my reaction may be rooted in my enneagram type as failure means "not perfect".

If it comes from an outsider however, I revel in it. I pride myself on my self control and ability to hide what's inside. The problem is that when one reinforces a natural tendency it can be difficult to stop.


----------

