# How does an NT (a curious NF here) handle betrayal.



## CelineDijon (Jul 5, 2016)

I imagine NT's are no less susceptible to being made a fool of. I just wonder how do you personally handle it, and what's your type. Here's an example just for clarification: I had a good friend of mine randomly tell me that she never really thought we were friends. And this really messed with me to be suddenly betrayed in this manner. ANYWAYS, before I go off the rails here, do share your experiences.


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## sinaasappel (Jul 22, 2015)

Not well, I hate it with a burning passion. Will I seek revenge probably not.


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## CelineDijon (Jul 5, 2016)

Yeah, revenge can be a waste of energy. It's a bit strange though how it works. Somebody can be in your life for a long while, and then it's like they're gone. Just vanished. I always found the cause and effect of it truly traumatizing  It's very sudden in a lot of cases. I just wonder how the NT might try to rationalize things.


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## Another Lost Cause (Oct 6, 2015)

I've been in this situation with a particular "family member" who did something very wrong to me. I'm just blunt with what I think of them and what they did. I don't hold back expressing my opinions and thoughts. After I've had my say and let everyone know exactly what I think of them, I forget that they exist.


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## Dasein (Jun 11, 2015)

I don't have very high expectations of people. I don't expect the best in people, but I will react to negative aspects such as betrayal by distancing myself from them. People who betray my sense of honesty and love, I become distant with.

But it is important to understand that people may have different criteria for what they might define as love (platonic or romantic). This podcast was very interesting in describing how different types might view love (not just romantic but platonic as well).

Podcast - Ep 106 -How Types Say "I Love You"


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

*Move on*; _cluck it_.


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## Shinsei (May 9, 2016)

Am going to move on with my life.

It doesn't matter if am crying, laughing or singing the world will continue to spin


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## AusarLacrimosa (Jul 18, 2016)

My anger certainly doesn't burn as bright as others (likely because I'm highly logically oriented, in addition to being an INTP). I get curious after the initial shock hits me. I look as to why they did what they did. Don't get me wrong, I'll still get upset, but I'll probably only get sweet revenge if it's feasible, or if what I do will prevent so-and-so from doing the same wrong to another person.


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## Yu Narukami (Jan 14, 2016)

I cut them off from my life. I'll be polite and act civil, but if they continue to piss me off after that I go full raging NFJ on them and use their own insecurities to make them feel as shit about themselves as possible.

Or at least that's my natural reaction. After it happened twice I've learned to moderate my anger from the sense of betrayal/disloyalty a bit more so the most it manifests is the occasional sarcastic comment or two when I have to talk to them.


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## HGy (Jul 3, 2016)




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## Static Void (May 28, 2016)

I'm a video game nerd so I will use a gaming example:

In Diablo 3, you free a Templar and soon fight one of his former comrades. Once you defeat him, he says his vision was clouded by dark magic. The Templar says that betrayal can never be forgiven, and finishes him.

I feel the same way. It takes a while to earn my trust and respect, but one action can destroy it. I had a best friend whom I was very close to for years. He did something sort of rotten to me. I have ignored his attempts to contact me since and I will never speak to him again. It really hurts because he was my best friend, but betrayal can't be forgiven.


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## txstats (Mar 20, 2016)

Move on.

What's the alternative? I'd like to know if there was one..


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Clare_Bare (Apr 6, 2015)

Speak my mind and crush them with harsh facts.
Then it's goodbye ...

(ENTP)


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## Felinex (Jul 20, 2016)

Another Lost Cause said:


> I'm just blunt with what I think of them and what they did. I don't hold back expressing my opinions and thoughts. After I've had my say and let everyone know exactly what I think of them, I forget that they exist.


That's my reaction too. Confrontation, cards on the table, then throw them out of my life.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

It really depends what it is about.
I try to go more towards a way of dealing with the world where I respond rather than react.
When you give a response to someone it implies a certain level of conciousness and choice.
When you react you just let whatever impulse that triggered you set the tone.

If you have a set pattern you go trough every time you are betrayed,
are you really no more than a stimulus response robot?

Most of the evil in the world can be traced back to people just reacting without thought to what happens.

As the character Jesus said in the bible.
"Forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing."


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## Psychophlegmatic (Apr 29, 2012)

It's really hard for me to stay angry at someone...even if they really screwed up. I will cut them off though. 

Revenge would be a waste of my time. Relationship-wise I've never been cheated on, but I have been betrayed by people whom I thought I could trust. After the initial shock fades I move on with my life.


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## Night At The Opera (Jul 23, 2016)

In my case, it is important to understand that I have few friends and a great number of acquaintances. An acquaintance will never be in a position to betray me. 

My reaction to a friend that betrays me will depend on the circumstance. I consider there to be two types of betrayal, ones which betray my confidence and those acts which are opposed to my interests.

A betrayal in trust-----depending on the severity-----can result in anything ranging from a tongue lashing to an irrevocable termination of our friendship.

A betrayal which harms my interests is considered an act tantamount to a declaration of war. This sort of betrayal is limited to a workplace environment, for the most part. It is not something that has happened to me often, either. But it when it does, I seek nothing but the absolute destruction of the individual responsible. I isolate them socially, and use my influence to make sure that it is very difficult (if not impossible) for them to retain their job. I am not above extending our 'war' into their personal lives, either. I will use whatever I can as leverage.

I do this to eliminate the threat they pose, and as a deterrent for everyone else.


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## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

You lose all respect as a civilized being. Because once you lose your presumption of morality, you don't get it back with excuses, time and pity. You'll be presumed criminal until you show some proper moral understanding. Until then, I'll treat you like an object or a child, which should be your legal status, depending on whether or not I consider being your educator (= I like you enough or not).


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## zanah0dia (Apr 8, 2015)

Move on with life. 
It bothers me a lot for a while but I'll move on. I might question if I'm doing the right thing or not, because a lot of the time I can understand the thought process behind the behaviour and the psychology of WHY they did it, and so in a way I'll see it as justified even though it was definitely WRONG. But in the end I'll move on because I don't play games and I expect people I interact with to treat me as an equal and with the respect I deserve, which means being open and honest with me about important sh*t.


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## ethylene (Oct 10, 2015)

Cut them off from my life, because I'll have no motivation to stay in contact afterwards.


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## LadyAeroniel (Jun 5, 2015)

I cut ties, burn bridges, all memory of the individual gets completely erased from my life, and then move on without looking back.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

I lose respect for them and distance myself.


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

CelineDijon said:


> I imagine NT's are no less susceptible to being made a fool of. I just wonder how do you personally handle it, and what's your type. Here's an example just for clarification: I had a good friend of mine randomly tell me that she never really thought we were friends. And this really messed with me to be suddenly betrayed in this manner. ANYWAYS, before I go off the rails here, do share your experiences.


Depends on the following 

Self-esteem(Current feelings)=Did you make them sad, happy, angry 
Ego(How they view themselves)-are they are hero type, smart type, strong type
Self-worth(How do thier view thier own worth)-Do they believe they are worth a lot, that they are a worthless slave? 
Pride(How much pride they take in something)-What do they really care about 

Also how deep did you cut them? If they make a point to look good in front of say their "Mother" and you made their mother hate them then it might be deeply damaging.

If you do something which might hurt reputation but not on a deeper level they might have a feet. Of course this is how it works for people in general not just NTs.

I am personally very ego driven, so if you hurt my ego on a deep enough level it will hurt me. Generally you can hurt my self esteem and my ego will be fine.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

Clare_Bare said:


> Speak my mind and crush them with harsh facts.
> Then it's goodbye ...
> 
> (ENTP)


... exactly this. 

I forgive and never forget. The forgiveness is for me, and for me alone. It allows me to let go and move on emotionally. Never forgetting allows me to remember and distance myself eternally from this person. I may or may not be tempted to provide opportunities to ... well, let them destroy themselves if they continue pester me.

ENTP, thought I was ENFP for about a year and switched back. Perhaps it's an enneagram question instead?


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

CelineDijon said:


> I imagine NT's are no less susceptible to being made a fool of. I just wonder how do you personally handle it, and what's your type. Here's an example just for clarification: I had a good friend of mine randomly tell me that she never really thought we were friends. And this really messed with me to be suddenly betrayed in this manner. ANYWAYS, before I go off the rails here, do share your experiences.



Depends.


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## FullForce (Oct 31, 2015)

The simplest way to avoid being hurt by betrayal is to not trust anyone. If you're always on alert and expecting that someone could betray you at any time you run no risk of being blindsided or hurt. When someone does betray you, you simply eliminate them from your life (or at least as much as possible). The majority of the time revenge isn't worth the effort.


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

You all say you never look back, but how can you do that if the person who done you bad keeps coming back into your life? What if it's like a colleague or something, someone you have to see every day?

I'm saying, even for an NF like me, it's pretty easy to not look back when you don't actually see the person. Sometimes however that is not possible.


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## JT Cove (May 21, 2015)

CelineDijon said:


> I imagine NT's are no less susceptible to being made a fool of. I just wonder how do you personally handle it, and what's your type. Here's an example just for clarification: I had a good friend of mine randomly tell me that she never really thought we were friends. And this really messed with me to be suddenly betrayed in this manner. ANYWAYS, before I go off the rails here, do share your experiences.


The feelings that call for vengeance demand a very specific way that they wish to be resolved. To resign yourself to the demands of these feelings is to forfeit objective consideration of ideal outcomes for yourself. Revenge is hardly the only way to scratch the itch you have, and it's seldom the best way. Usually the best course of action is to:

1. Consider the mistakes in your functionality that allowed you to fail to see the character traits and actions that could be applied through foresight to predict such a betrayal, then fix your form from what you learn for the future

2. Throw the negative outcome producing person away like garbage

3. Make your own life dope instead of trying to make other people's lives less dope


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## Nuberschutze (Apr 11, 2015)

-- del --


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## Felix5 (Apr 27, 2015)

Not well...I typically disown the person after this has occurred. They don't always know it yet, but they will (when the time is right) become door slammed for life. Unless they redeem themselves in some way.

For me, it has to be something pretty big. Little things every once in awhile just happen depending on the personality. I understand that people are not perfect and that a lot of it stems from insecurities. I do not have any tolerance or time for back stabbers


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## kinkaid (Jan 26, 2016)

Not well. 

If I trust someone and they betray me, they are dead to me. They no longer exist in the reality of my mind. They are inconsequential atoms floating about the universe.


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## Ultr4 (Feb 11, 2015)

I'v never been betrayed. No one never tryed yet. I believe to betray me they'll first have to become close enough to be able to do it. And I think, people closer enough for that are less than 10 in all my friends, and I know them for more than 10-15 years.

Anyway, if one day I'm betrayed, 
1 : I'll think, This is my fault, I shall have seen that coming, I'm stupid to not see it before it happen
2 : Backfire, I correct what have to be corrected if I lost something during that betray, or, if I can't get back what I've lost, I make it availlable for nobody (burned land)
3 : I completly expose the betrayer and ruin his social life each time I can


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## succubus (Dec 5, 2012)

Cut it/them out- entirely- and move onto greater things/people.


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## Mr Oops (Jun 29, 2016)

OK. We must first assume that NTs do relationships. In that rare case what will is totally dependent on how he/she has analyzed outcome to be based on multiple factors.


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## Judgment_Knight (Feb 1, 2015)

IDontThinkSo said:


> You lose all respect as a civilized being. Because once you lose your presumption of morality, you don't get it back with excuses, time and pity. You'll be presumed criminal until you show some proper moral understanding. Until then, I'll treat you like an object or a child, which should be your legal status, depending on whether or not I consider being your educator (= I like you enough or not).


I like your avatar XDD Sorry


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## Marshy (Apr 10, 2016)

Judgment_Knight said:


> I like your avatar XDD Sorry


Wow ecks dee lulz lizzles i lulzold ecks deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee dizzlesssssss
Xddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd




sorry.....
anyways back to the Q
It depends, I've never been one to hold a grudge. 
I probably wouldnt care much unless it was a serious relationship


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## Judgment_Knight (Feb 1, 2015)

Marshy14 said:


> Wow ecks dee lulz lizzles i lulzold ecks deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee dizzlesssssss
> Xddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
> 
> 
> ...


Maybe I am getting too old to use emoticons in my internetz speech ^^'


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## Gold_Nugget (Aug 28, 2016)

My immediate reactions depend on context i.e family/romantic/friendly? what kind of betrayal? how did I find out?

Ultimately though my Ti will overtake my emotions and I'll bluntly and honestly tell them what I think then completely cut them out off my life.

My only experience was a romantic relationship which ended with the worst possible betrayal (I'm sure you can guess what it is). Well I told him exactly what I thought and *felt* (yes, I did) then completely moved on with my life. The emotional connection took quite a while to go away but I figured it was only a matter of time.


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