# Straight Ladies: How long do you need him to last?



## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

I was watching a show called 7 Days Of Sex on lifetime (Dont judge me). The show is about married couples trying to repair their damaged sex lives, by having sex everyday for a week.

The episode featured a rather young married couple that were only having sex one or two times a month. 

The first two nights of the commitment the man in the relationship lasted 8, and then 6 minutes; the woman never came, from what I saw.

After the second night of sex the husband decides to invite his wife to dinner, then proceeds to tell her that he wants to go to sex therapy because she could not reach orgasm. He says she needs to relax. She begins crying and says all she really needs is him to last longer in bed. Then he looks at her as if it is her fault he cant keep it up for more than 8 minutes.

Then I stopped watching, to keep my sanity.

Ahem. Ladies.

How long do you need a man to last in bed for you to come to an orgasm? 
Does time matter as much as technique?

Explain, please.


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## DarkyNWO (Mar 21, 2011)

Well .. maybe girls like orgasms as well? Just a theory of course.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Jesus. 8 minutes? Really?

Foreplay would cut down the time significantly. Maybe I could get there within 8 minutes if there was a decent amount of foreplay, so by the time he enters I'd already be close. But if he's starting with little foreplay and from a dead stop, there's the possibility I'll need 12-15 minutes or more, and it's going to have to be at the right angle or with manual stimulation to make sure it's having the desired impact.

I mean, guys are designed to go fast. And you just go in and out, so your head is always being stimulated. If you consider the fact my clitoris is the equivalent to your penis tip, then you need to be stimulating it consistently and the right amount and the right angle/location (if you're not hitting me right, you're just wasting your time), but I'm not always ensured that is going to happen. I've also found that mentally I need to be locked in, it's not a purely physical sensation for me; if I'm not mentally into the groove, it takes much longer.

I'd tell the husband to do a lot more foreplay so she can get into her groove and do the major approach to the airport, so by the time he enters, he isn't expected to keep it going longer than 8 minutes, if that is an issue.


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Wonderful question. I've always wondered where the border between "Too fast, I didn't get to enjoy it", and "I'm bored, are you done yet?" occurs. I also wonder how this differs between women who get orgasms via intercourse regularly versus those who don't (in which case, it's just easier to get her business done first, and move on to my own). I'd imagine the former are more annoyed by the quick ones than the latter.


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## sofort99 (Mar 27, 2010)

DarkyNWO said:


> Well .. maybe girls like orgasms as well? Just a theory of course.


Crazy talk.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

TWN said:


> I was watching a show called 7 Days Of Sex on lifetime (Dont judge me). The show is about married couples trying to repair their damaged sex lives, by having sex everyday for a week.
> 
> The episode featured a rather young married couple that were only having sex one or two times a month.
> 
> ...


that's a really sad story. it's hard to compare, because in a healthy happy sex life, 8 minutes can be enough when you're in the mood. but if you were struggling and trying to repair your sex life, i'd think you need way more time. Also I think it's very true, that sex doesn't start in the bedroom. The whole day should lead up to sex if you really want it to be good. THat would include communicating, flirting, compliments, and other thoughtful things that make both people feel loved. Then by the time you get to the bedroom, you're already relaxed and comfortable

But that couple should probably see a sex therapist...just to knock some sense into the husband.


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

DarkyNWO said:


> Well .. maybe girls like orgasms as well? Just a theory of course.


Woah cool. Too bad that doesn't answer the OP's question.


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## Siren (Jun 25, 2011)

I need him to last until I'm done, no matter how long it takes. If that's an issue then he needs to take care of me orally first, then himself second.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

TWN said:


> I was watching a show called 7 Days Of Sex on lifetime (Dont judge me). The show is about married couples trying to repair their damaged sex lives, by having sex everyday for a week.
> 
> The episode featured a rather young married couple that were only having sex one or two times a month.
> 
> ...


Depends on how turned on I am, and what sort of technique he is using. If I am properly warmed up I might be able to make it in 8 minutes, especially if we're talking g spot or I'm getting manual stimulation on top of penetration. 

Ideally, I like a longer session, maybe 20-30 minutes with lots of stopping and starting, slow movements, breaks for kissing. The slowness makes it easier for the guy to last that long. Either that or 10 minutes of heavy and raw and kinky, coming after LOTS of foreplay or oral.

It sounds like the couple in that show really just needs to communicate better during the act. If she isn't saying, yeah just like that, faster, slower, to the left, etc. then it's no wonder he's moving blind. And he needs to change his rhythm when he approaches ejaculation so he can last a bit longer.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

All I can say is lick the clit they like it


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

For me, it's not just a matter of time, but proper positioning and clitoral stimulation. I have yet to reach orgasm through penetration alone, and I doubt I'm even capable of it. If I want to climax during penetrative sex, my clit needs to be manually stimulated and I need to be in the right position for it. (I suppose that years of masturbating in a particular position could be responsible for this...) Provided that all of these requirements are being fulfilled (and assuming that I'm properly turned on) I would generally take about 10 minutes, give or take a few. 

If I'm not properly aroused in advance, then I could take longer... but that's not really a problem for my S/O because he's capable of lasting pretty long.

Otherwise, I just make sure I'm taken care of before/after penetrative sex. *shrug*


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## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

Rachel Something said:


> For me, it's not just a matter of time, but proper positioning and clitoral stimulation. *I have yet to reach orgasm through penetration alone*, and I doubt I'm even capable of it. If I want to climax during penetrative sex, my clit needs to be manually stimulated and I need to be in the right position for it. (I suppose that years of masturbating in a particular position could be responsible for this...) Provided that all of these requirements are being fulfilled (and assuming that I'm properly turned on) I would generally take about 10 minutes, give or take a few.
> 
> If I'm not properly aroused in advance, then I could take longer... but that's not really a problem for my S/O because he's capable of lasting pretty long.
> 
> Otherwise, I just make sure I'm taken care of before/after penetrative sex. *shrug*



I think we are in the same category, here. Interesting.

*Are you content with not having an orgasm during sex?*

I have never had an orgasm during sex, and I am comfortable with this. To be honest, I really don't need an orgasm. I need to feel worn out. I think some men don't understand why some women just want to feel tired, worn out, and used.

It's like when a man has an orgasm, then begins to nod off to sleep. For awhile his body is recovering. Women like to feel this too.

This feeling is actually better than having an orgasm.

Other thoughts:

What surprised me was the amount of women replied that can be pleased in short periods of time. Personally, a man has to be able to go through the night to keep me satisfied. Have rough sex for 20 minutes straight, roll over and sleep, wake up 10 minutes later and do it all over again, until the sun comes up (Or goes down).That's the best sex. 

The man on the show had to be in his early 30's. I just kept wondering why he could not control himself at that age. 

I don't know where he got the idea that 8 minutes is good enough. My partners would feel misused if I only wanted them for 8 minutes. They would probably become bored as well.

The best thing a man can do is work on manipulating sensations, and learn to control his own orgasm.


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

I think the average time for women to achieve orgasm is somewhere around 12-15 minutes _at least_. Men can achieve that a lot sooner probably within a third of that time. 

It's suggested that women become aroused before the date in question of the sexual encounter so that it will be easier for them to achieve orgasm -- that's threw touching, imagination, kissing, stimulation, flirting, dirty talk, petting, etc. 

Expecting a man to get a woman there just from penetration I imagine would be quite difficult, most men don't have the discipline to go that long and simply aren't designed to go for 30 minutes to an hour of sexual intercourse. It should be acknowledged this in fact would be something out of porn -- achieving an erection for an hour or so threw continuous penetration. That's pornstar territory and even then there are a lot of stop and starts there and it takes a lot of bodily control to get men to be conditioned that way sexually. If women need that -- I would recommend Viagra probably. It's just not natural to go for that long without some form of practice, training or drugs. 

A lot of the time the men in that situation have to divorce themselves from the pleasure they are experiencing in order to last as long as the woman needs too, and that takes away a portion of the pleasure that should be experienced during sex. 

Foreplay, stimulation, oral sex and more should probably be on the table first and foremost to get the woman there in order for her to achieve orgasm. The woman should also be relaxed or it simply isn't going to happen. I think reasonable expectations on both parts should be noticed here. It's going to be difficult for an average man to go as long as 15+ minutes long of straight penetration, and it's going to be difficult for a woman to achieve orgasm in most situations. I believe there was a response rate that only 30-40% of women have ever orgasmed in their lives or something like that based on a 2009 survey and most acknowledge that it is incredibly hard to get there when they do. Even when women are said to masturbate it's been reported that it takes them awhile and sometimes they may not orgasm by the end of it.


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## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

40 minutes or longer, I get off by heavy make out sessions and a lot of dry humping


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I orgasm pretty fast. 

However, there is something to be said about long-term relationships.. I was with my ex husband for 8 years. He knew my body so well, he could basically stick it in, and I could cum. I certainly didn't need 8 minutes. No way. In my experience, the longer I'm with someone, the easier they make me cum. 

Actually, I don't think I need even 8 minutes now with a partner. But I also know my body pretty well. That totally helps. 

Orgasm is very important to me. It's why I like to have sex so much. I'm multi orgasmic. I enjoy having tons of orgasms before a guy cums. But if he cums after I only have one, that's ok, too. Most importantly, I like a guy to go long enough so that we both can "finish". 

Some guys can keep going after they orgasm. They are pretty "multi" themselves. That's awesome, too.:blushed:


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

TWN said:


> *Are you content with not having an orgasm during sex?*


I would not be content with such a thing being a common occurrence. There _are_ times when I don't really care about having an orgasm, but those times are relatively uncommon. Generally, I would like to have at least one orgasm, whether it's before, after or during penetrative sex. However, I don't expect him to get me off 100% of the time, and I'm perfectly capable of getting myself off if he doesn't. I don't see him as solely responsible for my orgasms. The important thing is that he cares about my pleasure, and not just his own.

Unless by "sex" you were just referring to penetration and penetration alone (i.e. no manual and oral stimulation.) In that case, I'm content with not being able to climax through penetration alone... but it would still be pretty convenient.



> I have never had an orgasm during sex, and I am comfortable with this. To be honest, I really don't need an orgasm. *I need to feel worn out. *I think some men don't understand why some women just want to feel tired, worn out, and used.


I also like it when the guy wears me out... I've noticed that it happens to me faster if I've had an orgasm... and it happens to me even faster if I've had multiples.



> I don't know where he got the idea that 8 minutes is good enough. My partners would feel misused if I only wanted them for 8 minutes. They would probably become bored as well.


It was probably good enough for him... lol. I know if I were the one having sex with him and he only lasted 8 minutes (and I didn't climax at all) it would leave me feeling like "That's it? Hmm..." I wouldn't be surprised if there was hardly any kind of foreplay going on. I wonder if he even bothered to go down on her... If he can't last long enough for her to climax _during_ intercourse, the least he could do is help her orgasm before intercourse.


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## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

Arrow said:


> I think the average time for women to achieve orgasm is somewhere around 12-15 minutes _at least_. Men can achieve that a lot sooner probably within a third of that time.
> 
> It's suggested that women become aroused before the date in question of the sexual encounter so that it will be easier for them to achieve orgasm -- that's threw touching, imagination, kissing, stimulation, flirting, dirty talk, petting, etc.
> 
> ...


*
This is sad because the average man has the potential to do so. They just dont want to.*

Its rather annoying when men make it seem like they try so hard to make the woman in the relationship have an orgasm. 

*Because 8-10 minutes of sex is so tiring. *

If you are a man who can only last 6 minutes, We could never have sex, but I wish you well.

Some men like prolonged sex. They like going all night. 
*
Other men have some type of sexual dysfunction, and dont realize it. *

For some reason, Ive never met one of these men who prefers 6 minutes of sex, and not all night sex.

Maybe they are afraid of me. Ah, well.


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## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

Rachel Something said:


> I would not be content with such a thing being a common occurrence. There _are_ times when I don't really care about having an orgasm, but those times are relatively uncommon. Generally, I would like to have at least one orgasm, whether it's before, after or during penetrative sex. However, I don't expect him to get me off 100% of the time, and I'm perfectly capable of getting myself off if he doesn't. I don't see him as solely responsible for my orgasms. The important thing is that he cares about my pleasure, and not just his own.
> 
> Unless by "sex" you were just referring to penetration and penetration alone (i.e. no manual and oral stimulation.) In that case, I'm content with not being able to climax through penetration alone... but it would still be pretty convenient.
> 
> ...



If I have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation, im exhausted; im done. But If Im just having sex, no oral, I dont get worn out quickly. I get worn out by the second round, then I push myself for another three.

There seemed to be foreplay, so While I as watching it, I kept thinking "Maybe she just wants some ass-smacking rough sex, for a good 15 minutes". ^_^

Heh.


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

TWN said:


> *
> This is sad because the average man has the potential to do so. They just dont want to. *


Well the average time for sexual intercourse in general is somewhere along 5-10 minutes. With 12+ minutes being a rarity. If this is suitable for you or not is your own call. But that is the average. Those asking for 20+ minute durations should realize that this isn't the standard in most sexual relationships according to surveys. Then understand the context of their wants or needs based on that information. 



> Its rather annoying when men make it seem like they try so hard to make the woman in the relationship have an orgasm.


I don't think it's annoying so much as it is factual. Orgasms for women are harder to achieve then they are for men and that should probably be recognized by both parties if the partners are unsatisfied. Education on how their bodies work can only help them. Understanding why things happen can only help those involved to better understand their situation and enable possible solutions to their issues.


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## Elvira (Dec 1, 2011)

That guy sounds like a really big jerk. :frustrating: It's not just the man's orgasm that matters!

I'm a virgin, so I'm pretty clueless. How long does sex usually last for you all? 
From what I've heard, timing is a really big issue. And if you don't mind me being a bit 'R-rated'....women, how do you come to orgasm during sex? Do you use your hands on your clitoris? Does he use his hands? (I think it would be really hard to come to orgasm without clitoral stimulation). I just think it would be really hard to not have the guy finish before you....

Have any of you tried using a clitoral vibrator during sex? It seems like it might help the woman come faster since there is such a discrepancy between the amount of time a guy needs to get off compared to a girl. But a lot of guys feel intimidating by toys, or so I've heard.

**sorry, this is kind of a tangent and doesn't really answer your question lol


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## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> Really? I'll have to look that up to confirm that. I lasted longer than that when I lost my virginity. I find it hard to believe that that's actually typical. If that's the case, then why would there be so many complaints about "minute men" if several minutes is "average," and why would there be so much talk about premature ejaculation? (Wait... maybe that actually explains it.)






sofort99 said:


> On a serious note...
> 
> 
> WTF?
> ...







I see the freaks have come out to play.

Welcome.


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## perfectcircle (Jan 5, 2011)

TWN said:


> I was watching a show called 7 Days Of Sex on lifetime (Dont judge me). The show is about married couples trying to repair their damaged sex lives, by having sex everyday for a week.
> 
> The episode featured a rather young married couple that were only having sex one or two times a month.
> 
> ...


I could never have an orgasm with a husband who accuses me of not being pleased and treats me like a medical invalid instead of talking to me about it and asking me what I would need to orgasm, like an equal who loves me.

So the maybe the problem isn't how long but that the husband is an asshole who treats his wife's pleasure like a performance test.


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## Issmene (Jun 8, 2012)

Well, not a specific time. The clitoris just has to be stimulated. It's as easy as that.
(And btw, that guy doesn't sound like he's really fair to her..)


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## perfectcircle (Jan 5, 2011)

And on another note---
was the 8 minutes including foreplay? Cause if so, yeah, it's the husbands fault.


And I am a little surprised to the people saying omg eight minutes
I am including foreplay in this
but what about an hour?

To the OP
I think it depends on the situation, time vs technique. Sex is like a conversation and you have to be in tune with eachother. Obviously there is a point where it's too long, but you should work together and communicate. If you guy know he is finishing soon, he can switch the emphasis (play with the girl a bit orally, have her get on top, go slower, try a different less frentic position). If the girl needs it faster or the guy is taking too long, she can help him out by going faster, getting on top, making noises, showing enthusiasm, or performing oral. Kissing and touching showing enthusiasm throughout the act and that helps your partner feel involved.
So if my boyfriend just got to it and penetrated for 8 minutes, I would be totally unsatisfied and feel like I had been used as an object with a hole. If he just got to it and penetrated for 20 minutes, I'd feel unstatisfied, used, and bored as hell.
Foreplay I tihnk is most important if the girl is going to orgasm.


I always feel I reveal too much when I post on the sex thread.


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## Ikari_T (Apr 10, 2012)

I really want to punch that guy in the face because of his lack of consideration for his partner.


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## Nastorm (Jun 3, 2012)

I kinda lose track of time during sex so I don't really know. It's certainly more than 5 minutes though. Those who said that average man lasts up to 5 minutes, are you crazy? 5 minutes is only good for a hot quickie. Other than that it would be really frustrating to be with someone that can't last more than that, or more than 10-15 minutes. I mean, 5 minutes is not enough time to do anything.


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## Hruberen (Jan 2, 2012)

Somewhat related, would you ladies mind if a guy had an orgasm before you and you haven't, but he continued until you had an orgasm (or multiples)?


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

antahon said:


> Those who said that average man lasts up to 5 minutes, are you crazy?


No. You can choose not to believe, but that is what sources say. In terms of timed penetration it's usually much less then 12 minutes and more likely around 5 minutes which is the average time. 

Men's Health
Average Sex Time - How Long Should Sex Last? - Esquire
How Long Does the Average Man Last in Bed?
How long is normal for a male to last during sex


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

My tummy hurts, this thread is funny! 

I always thought one of the greatest pleasures of a man, was his capacity to please a woman? Am I wrong?


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Men are like frying pans, cooking eggs. Women are like ... A crock pot. Soup. Slow .... No you may not go from 0 - 10. No you may not. It should be more like itsy bitsy spider all the way to .... 99999999*tease*10!!!!

That is all. 

p.s. unless you have actually read literature upon the how to .. and had her communication in the learning of ...

she's faking it unless it was cli--ttle by little , you'll get it


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Arrow said:


> If you google "how long does the average man last during sex" you will get articles detailing how long the average sexual experience is. I believe the low side is somewhere around 2 minutes with the high side being somewhere around 12. Most fall somewhere around the 5 minute side. Considering mammals in the male kingdom last on average 3 to 15 _seconds_ I don't think it's that hard to believe.


Lower animals. Human beings are allegedly supposed to be higher animals.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

adverseaffects said:


> And on another note---
> was the 8 minutes including foreplay? Cause if so, yeah, it's the husbands fault.
> 
> 
> ...


If the eight minutes included foreplay, then that would be even more unfathomable to me.

But at the same time, I find it rather hilarious. So after all the sexual braggadocio, after how masculinity is defined in part by society as having sex with women, after all the time some men spend thinking about and pursuing sex...

... and when they have it they only last 4-7 minutes?

Amazing.



antahon said:


> I kinda lose track of time during sex so I don't really know. It's certainly more than 5 minutes though. Those who said that average man lasts up to 5 minutes, are you crazy? 5 minutes is only good for a hot quickie. Other than that it would be really frustrating to be with someone that can't last more than that, or more than 10-15 minutes. I mean, 5 minutes is not enough time to do anything.


Yeah, five minutes is not that long. Which is why it's unbelievable to me. Why are people in such a rush to do everything? Some things are best savored, but some people act like they're in a race or something. If sex is supposed to be so important for some, then why in such a hurry to get off?



Arrow said:


> You can choose not to believe, but that is what sources say. In terms of timed penetration it's usually much less then 12 minutes and more likely around 5 minutes which is the average time.
> 
> Men's Health
> Average Sex Time - How Long Should Sex Last? - Esquire
> ...


I think I'll read the actual studies. I prefer primary sources myself. Peer-reviewed journals and such. Any time I ever refer to anything on this forum, it's straight from the study/journal/etc. itself.

It seems to me like rationalization to make people feel better about themselves anyway. Even if this is the case, "average" is okay? This is acceptable for people? People are perfectly content to be like "most people?" 

I've read so many reports and studies in which women complain about how their sex life is unsatisfactory, and more understandable after this bit of news. Not lasting long enough to please your partner as well (since it necessarily involves two people) is alright? There's no problem with this? And I'm not talking about being a "sex god" or any ego crap like that, I'm talking about being able to make the experience a pleasurable one for the other party involved as well.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Hruberen said:


> Somewhat related, would you ladies mind if a guy had an orgasm before you and you haven't, but he continued until you had an orgasm (or multiples)?


No I wouldn't mind. I have heard this can be painful for men, though. It's really sexy when I orgasm at the same time as my partner but it's not as sexy if I feel pressure to make that happen. If he finishes but he hangs in there until I finish I'm cool with that.

I've also had a partner who wanted to have sex to please me even though he'd already orgasmed and his dick wasn't very hard. I was really surprised that it worked, but it did, hehe.


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## Hruberen (Jan 2, 2012)

sparkles said:


> No I wouldn't mind. I have heard this can be painful for men, though. It's really sexy when I orgasm at the same time as my partner but it's not as sexy if I feel pressure to make that happen. If he finishes but he hangs in there until I finish I'm cool with that.
> 
> I've also had a partner who wanted to have sex to please me even though he'd already orgasmed and his dick wasn't very hard. I was really surprised that it worked, but it did, hehe.


It's not painful for me, it just takes forever and a day for the second if you do do it, but its also extremely intense and satisfying.


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## MelissaC (May 23, 2012)

I don't have a problem reaching orgasm, so 8 minutes can be plenty of time. But, that's just for one round. There will be more rounds to come (no pun intended). 

Generally anything more than 30 minutes of straight intercourse is overkill. The peak becomes a plateau.


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## perfectcircle (Jan 5, 2011)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> The average man, according to science (and my memory), lasts anywhere from 4 to 7 minutes. He needs to give her a good bit of warming up before sticking it in.


I guess my boyfriend is no average man.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

Preferably 3 minutes or more. Any less than that I'd think: "what just happened? I haven't even... gotten started" I typically don't orgasm during sex (unless it's oral sex) so it's not that big a deal, but I do want to have _felt_ it before he pulled out.


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> Lower animals. Human beings are allegedly supposed to be higher animals.


Which is why they last significantly longer then other mammals. 



Master Mind said:


> I think I'll read the actual studies. I prefer primary sources myself. Peer-reviewed journals and such. Any time I ever refer to anything on this forum, it's straight from the study/journal/etc. itself.


You can choose to believe whatever you want, but it is now up to you to prove the information I just sourced is wrong with alternative sources. I merely provided information for the context of this conversation, if you want to choose to obtusely ignore the information and ignore the average then that's your own prerogative. But yes, that is the average time span for sexual activity in most relationships.



Master Mind said:


> Skip the attitude with me.


There is no attitude.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Arrow said:


> You can choose to believe whatever you want, but it is now up to you to prove the information I just sourced is wrong with alternative sources. I merely provided information for the context of this conversation, if you want to choose to obtusely ignore the information and ignore the average then that's your own prerogative. But yes, that is the average time span for sexual activity in most relationships.


Skip the attitude with me. I said that I would look into the matter myself, as I want to see for myself from a primary source(s), not what men's magazines and the like say. No more, no less. I said nothing about "ignoring" anything, I said nothing about you being "wrong."


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

Ladies don't know how awesome it feels. Combine that with the disbelief that you are even getting laid,the attractiveness of the girl,sexual tension etc, dudes usually play it supercool until they get into the bedroom. Unless the guy is one of the type who has to mentally be there to orgasm or just takes forever to orgasm, most guys are relatively quick. I myself prefer multiple rounds just for the female's sake, even though I do take a good bit of time to get her started up. Preferably orally.


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