# How to confess feelings to an INTJ girl?



## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

Okay, here's the situation. I had a crush on my friend on my senior high school. She's an INTJ. I've been friends with her for about 3 years and I think I'm quite close to her. I've been trying to confess my feelings to her for the last few months. The problem is, I just not sure whether that I should confess my feelings or not. She's the type that really focus on school. I'm afraid that if I confess my feelings, I will disturb her and then she will hate me for that and starts to stray away from me.
Well, I might just be over-considering the possibilities. I'm an INFP and I just couldn't decide which one to choose . Should I confess my feelings or should I just be happy with how things are? And if I should confess, any idea how to confess to an INTJ?


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Kaoru Itou said:


> Okay, here's the situation. I had a crush on my friend on my senior high school. She's an INTJ. I've been friends with her for about 3 years and I think I'm quite close to her. I've been trying to confess my feelings to her for the last few months. The problem is, I just not sure whether that I should confess my feelings or not. She's the type that really focus on school. I'm afraid that if I confess my feelings, I will disturb her and then she will hate me for that and starts to stray away from me.
> Well, I might just be over-considering the possibilities. I'm an INFP and I just couldn't decide which one to choose . Should I confess my feelings or should I just be happy with how things are? And if I should confess, any idea how to confess to an INTJ?


first, you should know that is she in a want of a relationship? 
I think the answer to that probably should be a yes, because I as an INTJ female, like being in a relationship. It gives me space to vent out. But yeah, make sure if she wants a relationship or not. 
How to do that? ...ask her straight out. "What do think about being in a relationship in junior high?" ...She'll speak the truth, if she is INTJ. 

Second, do the first job first, that will only decide what you must do next. 

All the best. 

P.S. - INFP, I would like to advice you one more thing, take her words literary, Do not interpret them. If you do, you will mislead yourself to wrong conclusion.


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## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

Write a research paper detailing, scientifically, why you would make a good mate (and don't forget to add sources). Get it peer reviewed and revise it accordingly until it gets published in a scientific journal.

Then when it's published, buy her a copy of said journal, wrapped up in the fanciest gift paper you can find, along with a nice bouquet of flowers and hope for the best.

Rooting for you, man!


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Derange At 170 said:


> Write a research paper detailing, scientifically, why you would make a good mate (and don't forget to add sources). Get it peer reviewed and revise it accordingly until it gets published in a scientific journal.
> 
> Then when it's published, buy her a copy of said journal, wrapped up in the fanciest gift paper you can find, along with a nice bouquet of flowers and hope for the best.
> 
> Rooting for you, man!


Impressive


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## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> Impressive


Hey thanks. I really strive to give people the best and most appropriate adivce that I can. It's this big heart of mine, you know.


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Derange At 170 said:


> Hey thanks. I really strive to give people the best and most appropriate adivce that I can. It's this big heart of mine, you know.


Ever thought, why don't people take your advice seriously?


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## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> Ever thought, why don't people take your advice seriously?


All the time  I might start my own thread on this. It's a delicate subject you're touching on here.


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Derange At 170 said:


> All the time  I might start my own thread on this. It's a delicate subject you're touching on here.


It is because, They are fantastic. People are mean beings who like things and ideas which are mundane. Thus, They have zero capacity to take in stuff that has never been done before. 
Seriously, For once...I thought about if a guy had proposed me that way...(the way you gave)...I was like "nothing can be netter than this! :wink:" ...but again...it's a real ..mundane..boring world we live in.


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## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> It is because, They are fantastic. People are mean beings who like things and ideas which are mundane. Thus, They have zero capacity to take in stuff that has never been done before.
> Seriously, For once...I thought about if a guy had proposed me that way...(the way you gave)...I was like "nothing can be netter than this! :wink:" ...but again...it's a real ..mundane..boring world we live in.


Yeah see now that you mention it, it actually does seem cool. Out there? Maybe, but if she's an interesting person, she would at least appreciate an approach like this.

A girl that says 'no' to a profession of your love through a scientific journal isn't a girl you wanna date anyway, OP.


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## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> first, you should know that is she in a want of a relationship?
> I think the answer to that probably should be a yes, because I as an INTJ female, like being in a relationship. It gives me space to vent out. But yeah, make sure if she wants a relationship or not.
> How to do that? ...ask her straight out. "What do think about being in a relationship in junior high?" ...She'll speak the truth, if she is INTJ.
> 
> ...


Thanks. I guess there's no other way to confess to her but to face her head on and ask her. I really wanted to do that but..., I'm too shy to do that. But thanks anyway :kitteh:, I'll give it a try


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Kaoru Itou said:


> Thanks. I guess there's no other way to confess to her but to face her head on and ask her. I really wanted to do that but..., I'm too shy to do that. But thanks anyway :kitteh:, I'll give it a try


You can talk all of this on phone too, that will make things allot easier. Don't know about you, but definitely for INTJ.


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## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> You can talk all of this on phone too, that will make things allot easier. Don't know about you, but definitely for INTJ.


Hmm..., can I just chat with her instead of calling her? Is that a good idea?


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Kaoru Itou said:


> Hmm..., can I just chat with her instead of calling her? Is that a good idea?


It depends in whether you have chatted about stuff ever in a serious way. If yes, then you may, otherwise, she might think that you are not that serious. 

Giving my personal opinion, In text, one is not able to express their feelings with the required intensity. This may reduce her chances of reacting your desired way. you know what I mean, right.


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## digitalroses (Dec 7, 2013)

If you think she wants a relationship at the current moment, I think you should tell her so directly at the right time. No beating around the bush, I think INTJs are usually intolerant of it. Also, I suggest that if she needs time to think about it you give it to her and try to remain easygoing. No pressuring. 

As to telling her over the phone/text message/etc - I think it depends more on the person than about type, but personally (I'm an INTJ female), I find it a lot more easy to talk about this sort of thing through text message. Over the phone and face-to-face requires an immediate response, and I can't ever be sure how to respond. I'm afraid the person will think I don't care at all since I'm going to start deconstructing & mull over everything inside my own head.


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## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> It depends in whether you have chatted about stuff ever in a serious way. If yes, then you may, otherwise, she might think that you are not that serious.
> 
> Giving my personal opinion, In text, one is not able to express their feelings with the required intensity. This may reduce her chances of reacting your desired way. you know what I mean, right.


Hmm..., you have a point there.... I rarely have a serious chat with her ._.".
I once think that it would be nice if I made some kind of love letter and give it to her, because it's hard for me to confess to her by talking since she's always surounded by my other friends. Some of them understand that kind of things, but the other would just make fun of me and her if I confessed to her in front of them. That's why I thought that maybe sending a love letter is a good idea, since it will be between the two of us. But, what do you think? Is sending a love letter a good idea?


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## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

digitalroses said:


> If you think she wants a relationship at the current moment, I think you should tell her so directly at the right time. No beating around the bush, I think INTJs are usually intolerant of it. Also, I suggest that if she needs time to think about it you give it to her and try to remain easygoing. No pressuring.
> 
> As to telling her over the phone/text message/etc - I think it depends more on the person than about type, but personally (I'm an INTJ female), I find it a lot more easy to talk about this sort of thing through text message. Over the phone and face-to-face requires an immediate response, and I can't ever be sure how to respond. I'm afraid the person will think I don't care at all since I'm going to start deconstructing & mull over everything inside my own head.


Thanks for the advice. My friend once say the same thing, that I should get to the point cause he thinks that she doesn't like someone doesn't get straight to the point.


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Kaoru Itou said:


> Hmm..., you have a point there.... I rarely have a serious chat with her ._.".
> I once think that it would be nice if I made some kind of love letter and give it to her, because it's hard for me to confess to her by talking since she's always surounded by my other friends. Some of them understand that kind of things, but the other would just make fun of me and her if I confessed to her in front of them. That's why I thought that maybe sending a love letter is a good idea, since it will be between the two of us. But, what do you think? Is sending a love letter a good idea?


Boy! Hell no!
Not at all. An INTJ generally take "fe" things as a joke. It should not surprise you that the next day in school she and her best friend is making fun of you giving a letter. Love letters are stupid. They are exaggerated. No one likes them. 
All those guys, who have confessed to me in writing, I have thought of them as "ediots". 

You wanna tell her...Ask her come out with you. She would not consider it a date, unless you mention it. If she says anyone else is coming, call one of your trusted friends, (I'm sure there are many). How about a movie? 
And then make that friend go somewhere, take the opportunity, and talk it out. 
You're giving hell lot of time on this issue, It does not deserves so much. Just go out...and Say it. 

Or If you don't have the guts, Ask an ESTP. They'll teach you guts.


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## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> Boy! Hell no!
> Not at all. An INTJ generally take "fe" things as a joke. It should not surprise you that the next day in school she and her best friend is making fun of you giving a letter. Love letters are stupid. They are exaggerated. No one likes them.
> All those guys, who have confessed to me in writing, I have thought of them as "ediots".
> 
> ...


Phew..., that was close.... Guess it's just way too cheesy. And here I was thinking that it would be a good idea... *sigh*. Thanks again for the advice.


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## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

DiscoveringSelf said:


> Boy! Hell no!
> Not at all. An INTJ generally take "fe" things as a joke. It should not surprise you that the next day in school she and her best friend is making fun of you giving a letter. Love letters are stupid. They are exaggerated. No one likes them.
> All those guys, who have confessed to me in writing, I have thought of them as "ediots".
> 
> ...


Phew..., that was close.... Guess it's just way too cheesy. And here I was thinking that it would be a good idea... *sigh*. Thanks again for the advice.


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## Kaoru Itou (Jan 7, 2014)

-.-" double post.... my bad


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## DiscoveringSelf (Dec 20, 2013)

Kaoru Itou said:


> -.-" double post.... my bad


This makes it triple


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

Kaoru Itou said:


> Okay, here's the situation. I had a crush on my friend on my senior high school. She's an INTJ. I've been friends with her for about 3 years and I think I'm quite close to her. I've been trying to confess my feelings to her for the last few months. The problem is, I just not sure whether that I should confess my feelings or not. She's the type that really focus on school. I'm afraid that if I confess my feelings, I will disturb her and then she will hate me for that and starts to stray away from me.
> Well, I might just be over-considering the possibilities. I'm an INFP and I just couldn't decide which one to choose . Should I confess my feelings or should I just be happy with how things are? And if I should confess, any idea how to confess to an INTJ?


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## birdsintrees (Aug 20, 2012)

If you decide to tell her; don't put her on the spot. In the moment responses on an emotional level aren't necessarily our strength. She might need to process it for a while, weigh the pro's and cons, consider if her feelings are mutual or not and decide whether or not to act upon those potential mutual feelings. So, if you tell her: don't freak out if she doesn't respond straight away and she withdraws from contact for a while.

Say it, write it, fax it, email it, buy and train a pigeon to deliver your message, learn morse code: Just create space for a delayed response.


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## athenian200 (Oct 13, 2008)

I'm honestly not sure an INTJ would appreciate a confession of feelings. It could be awkward for any Introvert, really. Definitely don't confess them in public. If possible, mention practical benefits of a relationship to her, rather than directly mentioning your feelings... that might be easier for her to deal with, and thus result in a less extreme reaction on her part.

If you can't think of any way you having a relationship with her would benefit her in a practical way... it's probable that she would have said no, anyway. Although, that depends on how strong her Fi is. There are a lot of different kinds of INTJs, though I'm thinking of a fairly young, Te-oriented one.

INTJs are extremely driven, practical people. They can make fairly impersonal rejections. Do you think you can deal with that?

All that said, however... I've heard INFPs and INTJs make great couples, if things work out.


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## Bramblestar (Nov 26, 2013)

You should Totally just be yourself. I'm an INFJ girl, and if my soon to be INTJ guy would just need to be himself and straightforward with me. That's what I'd want


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