# Depression is tearing me up inside.



## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

Oh God do I hate asking for help. But right now my depression is just ripping me up. For years now I've at all times been experiencing some kind of self loathing. Usually over stupid shit that nonetheless stings. Stupid stuff like lack of a girlfriend,lack of sex, lack of people that understand me, yadda yadda. I see people laughing and smiling, enjoying base pleasures such as kissing and sex. Yet I am not. First I grow jealous, then I grow angry, then I get depressed and fall into self loathing. This "cycle" has been going on for years now. I bottle it up, see people living their lives and smiling and laughing, and then I feel that way again. It's stupid and pathetic, I know. But I can't help it. 

I can't just throw myself out there either( I think ). I'm kind of awkward. I talk alot if I'm comfortable, but most people think I'm weird in a sort of way, but they say it's not exactly a bad kind of weird. I lack faith in mankind too. As a whole I see people as base and petty. So quick to give in to base pleasures, guided by their instincts and impulses. Usually that stems from me not feeling like I'm good enough for a girl. I'm not muscular or anything. And evolution dictates that females search for that, a protector. Before you go and say we are not guided by instinct, that is a lie. Humanity is just evolved animals, we all follow instinct subconsciously. Or maybe I just like to think that because it rubs salt in my wounds. I dunno...I just dunno anymore. I just don't feel good enough.

Hell, the only reason I'm probably even asking for help right now is because I haven't taken my meds in some days and am in an emotionally fragile state. Lord knows after a few days of receiving condescending replies and accusatory comments I'll ask to close this thread down. Keep in mind I'm diagnosed as clinically depressed, so while my issues probably seem stupid and childish, they still hurt.

I might add on to this later, once I think of more shit that's wrong with me.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

I can give you some virtual snuggles if you would like that... or an ear you can pour your mind into.


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

ISFjosue0098 said:


> I can give you some virtual snuggles if you would like that... or an ear you can pour your mind into.


lol Thanks. Maybe tomorrow. I might be going to bed soon, medication withdrawal is making me feel a little sick.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

Make yourself a promise to take the medication you should be taking. Not later..., not tomorrow... get up right now and go do it.

Seriously, go. Now.


No, don't keep looking at the screen. Just go do it.



Still here? Go. Now.

Please



-ZDD









p.s. If you can read this... see above. Repeat as necessary.


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> Make yourself a promise to take the medication you should be taking. Not later..., not tomorrow... get up right now and go do it.
> 
> Seriously, go. Now.
> 
> ...


I just got some more today. But even with it I still get these waves of self loathing. Have for years. I take it before I got to sleep, it has a habit of making you feel funky if you take it and stay awake.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

Fair enough. Take what you are supposed to and go to bed. Tomorrow give your doc a call in the morning and let them know how you are feeling. Dr's rarely get it right the first time. You'll find the right combo/prescription that lets you start living again. I'm sure of it !!



-ZDD


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> Fair enough. Take what you are supposed to and go to bed. Tomorrow give your doc a call in the morning and let them know how you are feeling. Dr's rarely get it right the first time. You'll find the right combo/prescription that lets you start living again. I'm sure of it !!
> 
> 
> 
> -ZDD


Oh, I'll be fine. I've bottled things up for years, I can keep doing it. Plus meds only slow the bleeding of the wound. I might get a psychologist, I dunno. I need to think about it. But I'd rather try here first. A psychologist means I've given in to the weakness completely.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

Yes, you tried here. It worked. Someone is telling you to take your meds and go to bed. Tomorrow you will call your doctor and explain what's going on.


Good night,

-ZDD


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> Yes, you tried here. It worked. Someone is telling you to take your meds and go to bed. Tomorrow you will call your doctor and explain what's going on.
> 
> 
> Good night,
> ...


:3


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> Yes, you tried here. It worked. Someone is telling you to take your meds and go to bed. Tomorrow you will call your doctor and explain what's going on.
> 
> 
> Good night,
> ...


Meds don't solve everything my friend.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

Cool, we'll debate that tomorrow. Meds.. bed.. you know the routine by now.


-ZDD


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## Night & Day (Jul 17, 2010)

I think it matters on how you see things. You can keep putting yourself down by seeing everyone else happy and thinking what you're missing out on. Or you can always start eating more protein and all that healthy stuff to make muscles. Also, many girls look more for a good personality in a man before looks, they want someone who will respect and love them but it's also good to be able to protect them. Don't forget, there's more than one way to protect others.


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## FlightsOfFancy (Dec 30, 2012)

Please take them; the withdrawl from them is quite awful on prolonged periods. SSRI withdawl is not fun; even if you want to come off them, you must do it slowly. For now, take them and get some rest.


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

Fine Shrine said:


> I think it matters on how you see things. You can keep putting yourself down by seeing everyone else happy and thinking what you're missing out on. Or you can always start eating more protein and all that healthy stuff to make muscles. Also, many girls look more for a good personality in a man before looks, they want someone who will respect and love them but it's also good to be able to protect them. Don't forget, there's more than one way to protect others.



I've been told I'm cute by alot of girls ( and guys ), and had many sexual opportunities. ( I was too nervous to take them ) I dunno why I have these conflicting emotions. Sometimes I can be narcissistic ( rarely ) but most of the time I am depressed. How I view myself is an erratic thing.


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## FlightsOfFancy (Dec 30, 2012)

Tristan427 said:


> I've been told I'm cute by alot of girls ( and guys ), and had many sexual opportunities. ( I was too nervous to take them ) I dunno why I have these conflicting emotions. Sometimes I can be narcissistic ( rarely ) but most of the time I am depressed. How I view myself is an erratic thing.


Ok I just looked at your profile; you're a nice looking guy but you have a preoccupation with this at 17. It also says INTJ; I'm assuming you're typed correctly. A lot of people seem weird in adolescence, especially INXXs tbh. You are really young and relationships are quite typically fleeting at this age. You've got college/career to think of, and you can find a partner in college more readily than in this transition year into adulthood when everyone is confused.

Take the meds and rest.


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## ManWithoutHats (Jun 2, 2012)

I just want to say that there's no reason to see asking for help as weakness, or therapy as surrender to weakness. Everyone needs help sometimes, in one way or another. You're obviously a smart kid with plenty of potential, but you can't compare yourself to other people as a measure of strength and weakness. People have different strengths and weaknesses and no one who ever accomplished anything great did so without any help. 

INTJs aren't exactly known for being popular ladies' men in high school, but they are known for going on to great things. Going back to therapy, it's ultimately up to you to decide what you need to do, but I don't know anyone, psychologist or otherwise, who would recommend bottling up your emotions and avoiding help as a sign of weakness. Meds can help, but therapy or effort full personal growth may be an important long term step. 

-hope I helped a little


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

FlightsOfFancy said:


> Ok I just looked at your profile; you're a nice looking guy but you have a preoccupation with this at 17. It also says INTJ; I'm assuming you're typed correctly. A lot of people seem weird in adolescence, especially INXXs tbh. You are really young and relationships are quite typically fleeting at this age. You've got college/career to think of, and you can find a partner in college more readily than in this transition year into adulthood when everyone is confused.
> 
> Take the meds and rest.


Why thank you. And I suppose you're right, I wasn't always preoccupied with relationships. Leading up to 16 some hormones kicked in or something. At times I can stave off these feelings, but they usually bubble back up. Right now the withdrawal isn't so bad and I'm thinking a little clearer.

I'll get some rest very soon, I'm a night owl.
@ManWithoutHats: You helped very much, sincerely.


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## EbonyTigger (Apr 13, 2012)

Getting therapy isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength - you're admitting you need help *hugs*


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

Find yourself an INFJ female and walk down the yellow brick road with her.


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

midnightstar said:


> Getting therapy isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength - you're admitting you need help *hugs*


Needing help to such a degree feels like weakness to me.


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