# Should Guys Buy Women Expensive Things Before A Exclusive Relationship ?



## sunlit (Dec 1, 2016)

Would you want a romantic prospect to give _you_ expensive gifts before starting a relationship? Maybe you'd like the gift, but you'd think of the person who gave you the gift as sort of...weird.

Assuming you have the social prowess and charisma to make it not weird, this kind of stuff works best with xSFPs and SJs, probably. Even if your love interest is one of those types, however, I would say nah.


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## craighuntsherbs (Nov 16, 2016)

dragthewaters said:


> Guys "should" do whatever the hell they want.
> 
> However, they shouldn't expect to get sex or affection in exchange for giving someone an expensive gift, especially when the gift was not solicited.


 And sadly some women will accept the gift knowing the man's motives .

It's really disgusting that SOME women know that when a man you barely know is treating you to expensive gifts it means he's showing you he wants to take things further...AND REGARDLESS of the fact that you know this but you don't desire him AND YOU STILL will accept the gifts and maybe even dinner is pretty messed up.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

craighuntsherbs said:


> And sadly some women will accept the gift knowing the man's motives .
> 
> It's really disgusting that SOME women know that when a man you barely know is treating you to expensive gifts it means he's showing you he wants to take things further...AND REGARDLESS of the fact that you know this but you don't desire him AND YOU STILL will accept the gifts and maybe even dinner is pretty messed up.


Yeah, I wouldn't personally do it myself. But isn't a gift supposed to be freely given without any expectation of reciprocation from the recipient? At least that's what every etiquette guide says. If a man gives a gift in order to convince a woman to sleep with him that's on him if she just accepts it as a gift.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

Is this a free independent woman we are talking about here?
Is she ok? Can't she provide for her self? I don't meen this in a rude way.
I am sorry if she has a disability or is so ill that she can't work!


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## craighuntsherbs (Nov 16, 2016)

dragthewaters said:


> If a man gives a gift in order to convince a woman to sleep with him that's on him if she just accepts it as a gift.


 See...I'll teach my daughter to not accept gifts from men she's not interested in ..That solves the problem .Only accept gifts from friends and if it's really expensive and you feel like he's trying to buy his way out the friend zone...don't accept the gift.

In the video the woman and guy agree that it's fine to get someone inexpensive gifts when you've been friends for a long time ...
It's when you don't know a girl for real and you're buying her stuff to show your feelings .


Edit:Okay I see you're a female..
If you personally do go on in life accepting gifts from guys you don't know well..hopefully one day you don't run into some nut job who actually feels that he's entitled to you because you accepted a 400 dollar gift card to wherever and dinner..
Im just trying to be helpful here.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Electra2 said:


> Is this a free independent woman we are talking about here?
> Is she ok? Can't she provide for her self? I don't meen this in a rude way.
> I am sorry if she has a disability or is so ill that she can't work!


What an exercise. 

We're talking about gift giving not providing for one's self, it's completely out of this hypothetical woman's control if someone were to give her a gift; whether she's "an independent strong woman", working, healthy, disabled or sick.


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## craighuntsherbs (Nov 16, 2016)

https://youtu.be/fkG59eNiYcY

Here's the open discussion between two people who aren't dating each other 


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> What an exercise.
> 
> We're talking about gift giving not providing for one's self, it's completely out of this hypothetical woman's control if someone were to give her a gift; whether she's "an independent strong woman", working, healthy, disabled or sick.



I am just scared that she is a gold digger.
Yes you are right Gossip goat, it was a bit exaggerated.
If she hasn't asked for a gift first or for him to financially support her then my answer doesn't count.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

craighuntsherbs said:


> See...I'll teach my daughter to not accept gifts from men she's not interested in ..That solves the problem .Only accept gifts from friends and if it's really expensive and you feel like he's trying to buy his way out the friend zone...don't accept the gift.


But the thing is that you don't understand the point I was making. The etiquette of gifts, as described by most etiquette guides, is that they are NOT supposed to be given with any expectations of reciprocation. You don't give someone a gift in order to convince them to give you something in return. You give them a gift because you want to give them a gift. If a gift comes with strings attached then it is not a gift, but rather it is a guilt trip. If someone wants to use that tactic to attract women then they should not be surprised when they end up attracting someone manipulative, since they used manipulative tactics to attract that person.



> Edit:Okay I see you're a female..
> If you personally do go on in life accepting gifts from guys you don't know well..hopefully one day you don't run into some nut job who actually feels that he's entitled to you because you accepted a 400 dollar gift card to wherever and dinner..
> Im just trying to be helpful here.


I am married and have been with my husband for almost five years, and we were friends before we got together, so I personally do not receive or accept "400 dollar gift cards to wherever and dinner" from guys who are not my husband.


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## craighuntsherbs (Nov 16, 2016)

dragthewaters said:


> But the thing is that you don't understand the point I was making. The etiquette of gifts, as described by most etiquette guides, is that they are NOT supposed to be given with any expectations of reciprocation. You don't give someone a gift in order to convince them to give you something in return. You give them a gift because you want to give them a gift. If a gift comes with strings attached then it is not a gift, but rather it is a guilt trip.


 Everything you said here is correct...until you get to the bottom...A "gift " is actually a bribe in the case it comes with strings a teach.

This is why men now days are just buying escorts and hookers instead of spending loads of money on a woman that doesn't understand that he either wants to sleep with her..or take things to the next level.

Men are not typically saying "Oh that's a nice woman over there...I think I want to take her out for free lunch" 





dragthewaters said:


> If someone wants to use that tactic to attract women then they should not be surprised when they end up attracting someone manipulative, since they used manipulative tactics to attract that person.


Again you're right and I'd like to add that if a woman decides to accept multiple dinners being paid and things being bought for her while ignoring the fact that this man is obviously interested...she'll eventually end up in a bad situation . 

You're trying to put the ball in the man's court by saying"<b>Oh this guy offered me something..well yes I'm going to take it and no I don't like him but I'll take all he wants to give</b>"

When a man takes you out to dinner that's not a gift..That's a date.If you aren't attracted to the guy then it's best you not accept dinner or gifts period UNLESS this is a long time male friend and even in those cases he may be trying to get out of the friend zone .


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

craighuntsherbs said:


> Everything you said here is correct...until you get to the bottom...A "gift " is actually a bribe in the case it comes with strings a teach.
> 
> This is why men now days are just buying escorts and hookers instead of spending loads of money on a woman that doesn't understand that he either wants to sleep with her..or take things to the next level.
> 
> Men are not typically saying "Oh that's a nice woman over there...I think I want to take her out for free lunch"


Or you could just date people who don't require you to spend tons of money on them in order for them to be with you.



> Again you're right and I'd like to add that if a woman decides to accept multiple dinners being paid and things being bought for her while ignoring the fact that this man is obviously interested...she'll eventually end up in a bad situation .


What do you mean by a "bad situation"?



> You're trying to put the ball in the man's court by saying"<b>Oh this guy offered me something..well yes I'm going to take it and no I don't like him but I'll take all he wants to give</b>"


I agree that women shouldn't do that but ultimately it's the guy's fault because he's acting like he's just offering a gift out of the goodness of his heart when actually he's doing it to manipulate a woman into sleeping with him. In a way he kind of deserves to have the woman take the gift and not give him anything in return.



> When a man takes you out to dinner that's not a gift..That's a date.If you aren't attracted to the guy then it's best you not accept dinner or gifts period UNLESS this is a long time male friend and even in those cases he may be trying to get out of the friend zone .


Well then the men are not practicing good etiquette if every time they give a gift it's because they want something in return. I mean sometimes when I go out with my female friends they will offer to pick up the tab randomly. That doesn't mean they want to go on a date with me, it just means they're being nice. If a man wants to go on a date with a woman, he should TELL her, and ask her whether she actually wants to go on a date with him, rather than just taking her out to dinner and leaving her guessing on whether it qualifies as a date or not. If he doesn't make it clear that he sees it as a date, then she can't be blamed for assuming it isn't.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

dragthewaters said:


> Guys "should" do whatever the hell they want.
> 
> However, they shouldn't expect to get sex or affection in exchange for giving someone an expensive gift, especially when the gift was not solicited.


Presumably they would have already "given you something." Like their company or anything else possibly insignificant before you wanted to give them a gift. Unless you are trying to make them do something in return which isn't what a gift is, just bribery.


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## craighuntsherbs (Nov 16, 2016)

dragthewaters said:


> In a way he kind of deserves to have the woman take the gift and not give him anything in return.


 Well in a way if he decides to leave her with the tab and a cab because she's a grown woman taking advantage of him...she deserves it..equality 



dragthewaters said:


> Well then the men are not practicing good etiquette if every time they give a gift it's because they want something in return.


 it's not EVERY TIME and it depends on how expensive it is .You're exaggerating the situation in order to make a point.When you do that we have to start all the way over to point "A".AGAIN...If it is a friend of yours for a longtime then it's acceptable ..but IN THE CASE THAT ITS A MAN YOU HAVEN'T KNOWN FOR AN EXTENDED AMOUNT OF TIME..he's trying to date you. I'm really amazed that adult women still don't realize when they are being pursued by men.

I'm a man ..I'm telling you how we think and what most of our motives.No I don't represent ALL MEN however what I am telling you is really general.



dragthewaters said:


> I mean sometimes when I go out with my female friends they will offer to pick up the tab randomly. That doesn't mean they want to go on a date with me, it just means they're being nice.


Those are your friends ...this is not what we're talking about .Unless your friends are all lesbians and you are as well then your analogy doesn't really fit.




dragthewaters said:


> If a man wants to go on a date with a woman, he should TELL her, and ask her whether she actually wants to go on a date with him, rather than just taking her out to dinner and leaving her guessing on whether it qualifies as a date or not. If he doesn't make it clear that he sees it as a date, then she can't be blamed for assuming it isn't.


 Well you know...you're right ..for some women for whatever reason...you have to write it out for them and not leave it up for them to assume.So I'd agree..Even though lots of other women understand what's going on , there are still some women who don't so I see your point there and I can agree.


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## Ajaz (Sep 8, 2016)

Admittedly, I haven't watched the video.

I don't think it's a question of should or should not... I think context is important. But if you're doing so and expecting something in return then I'd question your motives. If the woman in question is expecting expensive "things", then I'd also question her motives. If it's being used as a way to try get that person to have an exclusive relationship with you then I think that's kind of a dumb move... which is why I imagine it's probably not appropriate in most cases (especially considering you want to have an exclusive relationship with this person). I'd rather connect with a person on a level other than material things.

I don't know. I'd rather ask them up front if they want an exclusive relationship... and if not, save my cash for someone who actually wants to be with me.

But if it's something like their laptops broken and they can't afford another one, and you want to help them out because you're friends... I can imagine myself doing something like that depending on how well I know the person. Its actually a good test, because if they're a half decent person they'll offer to pay you back when they have the money.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

In my opinion, you should never buy a girl anything. You aren't buying a hooker! Don't treat her like one. And don't lower yourself to that level either. She should like you for you. If she doesn't, it's a dishonest relationship, not based on mutual liking, but on financial exchange. If you want a hooker, just get to the point and get a hooker.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Setrleua said:


> In my opinion, you should never buy a girl anything. You aren't buying a hooker! Don't treat her like one. And don't lower yourself to that level either. She should like you for you. If she doesn't, it's a dishonest relationship, not based on mutual liking, but on financial exchange. If you want a hooker, just get to the point and get a hooker.


Ah, okay. I didn't know that giving gifts was treating someone like a whore. I learn new things everyday.


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## Sylarz (Sep 4, 2014)

Aya the Abysswalker said:


> Ah, okay. I didn't know that giving gifts was treating someone like a whore. I learn new things everyday.


I didn't mean that. I meant in the context of the question which is giving expensive gifts to a girl during early dating in an attempt to get a girl into a relationship, or a regular giving of expensive gifts in a relationship. My meaning is:
- There's no reason to buy a woman anything during early dating, let alone expensive gifts. If she likes you, she likes you. If she wants gifts, she's not looking for a relationship, she's looking for financial transactions for her affection. If you give her a meaningful gift, something you made, or something small because you know she will like it specifically, then that can be nice, to show that you care and pay attention, but that's different from expensive gift giving.
- Giving little gifts to a girlfriend is nice on occasion, but a situation where she _expects __expensive _gifts on a regular basis is not nice, it's a financial transaction.

The thing you trade in an actual relationship is _you_.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

What if you are poor and cannot afford expensive gifts - would she love you any less? A silver band from the heart is far more valuable than a diamond ring that wasn't bought out of love.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Setrleua said:


> I didn't mean that. I meant in the context of the question which is giving expensive gifts to a girl during early dating in an attempt to get a girl into a relationship, or a regular giving of expensive gifts in a relationship. My meaning is:
> - There's no reason to buy a woman anything during early dating, let alone expensive gifts. If she likes you, she likes you. If she wants gifts, she's not looking for a relationship, she's looking for financial transactions for her affection. If you give her a meaningful gift, something you made, or something small because you know she will like it specifically, then that can be nice, to show that you care and pay attention, but that's different from expensive gift giving.
> - Giving little gifts to a girlfriend is nice on occasion, but a situation where she _expects __expensive _gifts on a regular basis is not nice, it's a financial transaction.
> 
> The thing you trade in an actual relationship is _you_.


There is a reason if you want it to there be a reason. If I want to give someone a gift I'll.


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

Depends on the women. Know their language of love. 

Me is like quality time and touch. 

That's all. And some affirmation. Haha. XD 

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## Static Void (May 28, 2016)

I think it is perfectly acceptable to give a woman something simply because you want her to have it. There was a girl I liked and started talking to a few years ago. We both love fantasy novels and we had a long conversation about novels and authors. I asked her about one of my favorite authors and she hadn't read any of his works. The next time I went to a book store I bought that author's first novel and later gave it to the girl only because I wanted to share it with her. 

We went on a few dates but there wasn't much chemistry between us. We still talk from time to time though. I wasn't upset about not getting anything in return for my gift because that was never my intent. I liked her and wanted to do something nice for her. That's it. She enjoyed the novel and that's all I wanted.

Intent is the main factor. If you just want to do something nice for a girl then I don't see a problem with it. But if you are trying to make a girl like you more by buying her things then you are being manipulative.


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## craighuntsherbs (Nov 16, 2016)

I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU ALL:


Why do we look down on women who get payed to have sex with guys?There are women who take money from guys and never give anything back.I feel like at least the "escort" is being honest .You know what you're paying for straight up..there is no confusion .Lots of men rather pay for escorts than deal with the task of taking a woman out on dates to later have her say she doesn't want to take things to that level . 



HMMM reading what I wrote makes me realize that men definitely need to make it clear why we're taking a woman out.I still don't see how any woman won't understand the gesture of going out for multiple dinners with another straight man.


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