# SLI Fi HA



## sweetrice (Jun 21, 2019)

If you're ILI that's fine too 

How does it feel like? The experience of having Fi HA.
What are some examples of it manifesting itself?
And in a relationship/friendship do you typically prefer that affection isn't outwardly expressed but just implicitly "understood"?
What kind of initiations do you crave, that you don't know how to do yourself? What do you appreciate that another person does in a relationship, in the ethical domain?
Please help me understand what Fi HA is like!
Also, how is it linked/related to your Fe PoLR?
And how does a Fe PoLR hit feel like?
And how do I know if I hurt your feelings/was too rough (because I like to banter and be kinda rough basically)
Thank you


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## PluckyDucky (Apr 17, 2019)

Hi, >Sli

Well a lot of the literature on hidden agendas is on point....I didn't pay much attention to Fi sorts of information until around 18 years old.

I think the words used to describe it; as "stubborn", "variable" and "sensitive" are good too>>It does feel like I'm less open to other people's input in that area, it does sometimes get a lot of focus/sometimes it's minimal focus, and it is valued but not that strong = sensitive.

Umm as a function it does seem quite connected to self esteem...and I guess personal growth. It feels like a secondary motivation that ties into the leading function stuff. So the experiences tend to be either great and affirming...or really painful and shameful at times. It's a risky area...especially with not much Fe information coming in...when it gets bad the avoidence tactic is to rely on Ti logic instead. 

I'll answer some of the questions;

It feels like a few things. But base line if feels like a sense of duty and inflexible view of integrity. And a view of wanting connections to be special.

Um...went on a date recently. But with Fi it kinda comes and goes regarding the interest in forming the relationship, so the process of becoming closer to someone takes a while. So I was quite giddy and felt warm for few hours (had a nice time with them) , but then after the outing I just needed to not focus on it for a while, and get away a little. And I needed to be the one deciding on that personal closeness. In the back of my head I feel closer for sure afterwards, but it's a lot of effort and strain to just be focussed on personal matters that much...I think she might be IEE because she seemed to adjust to me in that way and give me a little space. She seems awesome.

Good question on the outward affection thing.....I kind of need those Fe indications for many beginning parts of a relationship. Like big signposts. But the goal is implicit understanding, and it has to be Fe stuff in the right way, in an unvalued sense. Not that Fi stuff can't be seen outwardly...but yes the quiet personal side is much more appreciated.

Not sure what you mean by initiations....if it's purely social then I want the other trusted person to handle it more...if it's personal and relates to deeper stuff then I prefer to do it myself, but slowly probably. I'd say it takes quite a few years to improve the HA function to normalish levels, so I think I could do a few things myself. I really appreciate someone reacting with care to Fi moves on my part. Being delicate and responsive depending on the situation. Understanding relationships and having a good moral compass. I find that admirable.

Soooo Fe polr holds a person back on being better at Fi. It something that will need to be worked on if you want better and fuller understanding of all Feeling matters. Painful but necessary. Otherwise some Fi mindsets and views become completely unrealistic. I don't like Fe stuff, but it's a part of life.

Fe hits honestly aren't that awful. The reaction to it tends to be "no you suck" or "no I don't care" or "no I'm actually awesome at this"....anything to avoid it really. So not great, but nothing like being hit in the HA or suggestive function. That hurts a lot more because it's actually valued. Fe hits definetely have a level of insecurity about them, but it's more annoying than anything. Again I think socionics literature is pretty good here.

Umm I'm not sure in what context you would know if you hurt an SLI/ILI's feelings. Fi as a 6th function does lead to sensitivity about Fi things, but as long as you don't go really into personal matters (which doesn't come up in most banter anway) you should be okay. I think delta quadra generally will avoid roughness and mocking humour. So i suppose you will know when they start avoiding you...I think the natural distance between certain type relationships varies, and tbh opposite quadra's tend to have larger distances to feel comfortable. Stick to a longer distance and things should be fine.


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