# Anyone else think introverted feeling is selfish?



## crazyNFPperson (Mar 27, 2015)

I'm an Fi user, and the more I think about it, the more I think this function is really selfish, and really am wondering what the point of it is...

I know this sounds really blunt... I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.


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## randomshoes (Dec 11, 2013)

Well, I think selfishness IS the point of it. Fi is there to look after you and your emotions and your morals. As someone who doesn't have it, I can tell you that it's an important thing. I have a huge amount of trouble knowing what I personally want as opposed to what it would make sense for me to want (Ti) or what other people want (Fe). I also get uncomfortable defending myself morally (while I have no trouble defending my logic). Fi can be selfish in a sense, but there's a place for selfishness. Plus, as an NFP, you can use Ne to extrapolate possible things others are feeling from your own experiences and take those into consideration, if you're concerned about being too selfish. Fi selfishness has only really annoyed me in FPs when they've convinced themselves they're not selfish at all, ever, or in immature TJs who use it terribly.

Frankly, I wish I could be MORE selfish when I run into interpersonal issues, but I guess ENTPs couldn't be assholes literally all of the time...


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

There is no selfish function. _People_ are selfish. Despite the stereotypes out there, I don't believe there is any type that is more likely to be selfish than others. 

Introverted Feeling takes the observations from Ne-Si or Se-Ni and internally evaluates what is most important to that person as an individual - this includes factoring in the values of others that it is aware of. In my experience any moderately mature FP is well aware of the subjective nature of their evaluations and has great respect for each individual person's ability and right to determine what they believe is important for themselves, which leads them to be accepting and non-pushy in their interactions. When Fi has determined that the needs of someone else are more important than one's own personal desires or needs, it results in selfless, generous, compassionate, helpful attitudes and actions.

Fi does tend to resist the will of others when it does not agree, but at least when mature it also allows others to disagree and go their own way as well. While in SOME cases resistance of other's will may indeed be selfish, it is my opinion that far too often people are quick to accuse someone else of being 'selfish' just because they are themselves selfishly annoyed that the other person has not complied with their own will. This accusation implies that other people are not allowed to make their own choices or stand up for themselves - lest they be shamed for being 'selfish'. Non-compliance is not always the same as selfishly caring for no one but your own interests, and it is not inherently laudable to _always_ acquiesce to the will of others.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

I don't. I have my own system of analyzation my own feelings and values . And I treat people the way I want to be treated - i can be self sacrificing it's just I'm always genuine and true to my own emotions . 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

It's a misconception that Fi = selfishness. Fi-based moral judgments can result in some of the most selfless, idealistic behavior. 

As people have said, Fi is a personal "logic" of morality; the actions that result from this can be selfish or selfless depending on the individual, but are not necessarily biased toward selfishness. 

Fi is stereotyped as selfish only because it can result in behavior that is out of sync with the norm, and therefore unsettling. Some people may consider such overt displays of individualism, and such concern with an individual moral standard over the comfort of the group, as narcissistic and selfish, but that's just a matter of conflicting values and moral standards. Neither is wrong (generally), they are just different.


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## Na2Cr2O7 (Dec 23, 2015)

Wouldn't call it a selfish function, but self-oriented. Not self-centered as if everyone has to serve me, but self-oriented in terms of things around me having to be based on my values, my beliefs, and my motivations. It's good to be self-reflective so you'll constantly know what you want and your goals, and be able to express how you are feeling sincerely. Fi can also be idealistic and understanding. Healthy Fi users understand the people around them, as the Fi users can easily emotionally relate the external world to how they've been internally. Although Fi is rather self-oriented, I'd say that Fi has a lot of great uses in truly understanding people from the heart.


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## Crescent (Apr 30, 2013)

Fi is very selective, which means that it needs to fully embrace a cause/person before it can value them. But once it values something, it can become selfless in giving to whatever thing it values, sometimes even at the price of the self. Unlike Fe, which is broad in its focus, Fi has a more minimal focus, but this means that its feelings for the things/people that are valued can be more intense.


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## great_pudgy_owl (Apr 20, 2015)

crazyNFPperson said:


> I'm an Fi user, and the more I think about it, the more I think this function is really selfish, and really am wondering what the point of it is...
> 
> I know this sounds really blunt... I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.


Pretty selfish from the outside looking in, but if you think about it, Fi and Fe are equally selfish. You prefer one because _you_ prefer it after all. Doing what's natural is what's easiest and can be the most selfish, others-centered or otherwise.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

crazyNFPperson said:


> I'm an Fi user, and the more I think about it, the more I think this function is really selfish, and really am wondering what the point of it is...
> 
> I know this sounds really blunt... I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.


Agree with the below. 


great_pudgy_owl said:


> Pretty selfish from the outside looking in, but if you think about it, Fi and Fe are equally selfish. You prefer one because _you_ prefer it after all. Doing what's natural is what's easiest and can be the most selfish, others-centered or otherwise.


There are times I've seen Fe as selfish in the sense that it needs to see things as harmonious externally, so it's entirely possible to do a "favor" for someone in order to keep the peace. If I did something like that, it would feel much more selfish. Now I'm an INTJ so maybe my experience with Fi is different. But I also find short-term "helpfulness" over long-term to be a selfish act to feel better about oneself. 

For example (I used this in another thread recently about whether trying not to offend someone else means being dishonest), let's say you have a friend who wants your opinion on someone criticizing them for some personality trait (how about, "you can be really selfish"? lol) They come to you and ask if you think that's true. You believe it's true. You can try to maintain "peace" between you by denying or minimizing it, beating around the bush.. saying something like, "well yeah, but who isn't?" when really you believe they can be too selfish sometimes. My "conscience" (Fi?) tells me this is wrong. They're your friend, and you shoud be honest with them. Then at least they have a chance to improve on it and become less selfish. If they overreact or get offended, that's understandable to a degree. But they did ask what you thought. In the long-term, the better option is to be honest with them. While in the short-term, one is tempted to lie or minimize to "maintain the peace" and avoid hurt feelings. I see the latter as a more selfish decision.. it's about how YOU feel about how THEY may react. If you are honest, you're aware of the risk of them feeling hurt, thus making you feel bad about having been honest. But you are taking this risk to give them a chance to better themselves in the future.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

No, Fi is not selfish.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

niss said:


> No, Fi is not selfish.


Yup. 

What's with the Fi-hate, people? Functions don't make people selfish; people make people selfish, lol.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

ninjahitsawall said:


> For example (I used this in another thread recently about whether trying not to offend someone else means being dishonest), let's say you have a friend who wants your opinion on someone criticizing them for some personality trait (how about, "you can be really selfish"? lol) They come to you and ask if you think that's true. You believe it's true. You can try to maintain "peace" between you by denying or minimizing it, beating around the bush.. saying something like, "well yeah, but who isn't?" when really you believe they can be too selfish sometimes. My "conscience" (Fi?) tells me this is wrong. They're your friend, and you shoud be honest with them. Then at least they have a chance to improve on it and become less selfish. If they overreact or get offended, that's understandable to a degree. But they did ask what you thought. In the long-term, the better option is to be honest with them. While in the short-term, one is tempted to lie or minimize to "maintain the peace" and avoid hurt feelings. I see the latter as a more selfish decision.. it's about how YOU feel about how THEY may react. If you are honest, you're aware of the risk of them feeling hurt, thus making you feel bad about having been honest. But you are taking this risk to give them a chance to better themselves in the future.


'keeping the peace' in order to keep yourself comfortable is certainly one possible motivation in this scenario, and yes that is more selfishness under the veneer of thinking of the other person. However it's not the only reason to 'soften the blow'. There are many different possible nuances to such a scenario. Based on one's understanding of the other person, one might choose to downplay your agreement with the criticism because you perceive that 

A) your friend is already shaken by this message and isn't going to quickly stop worrying about it, but they need encouragement to feel empowered to work on themselves, while driving them down in the dust too far will just result in them being demotivated because they are too depressed, feeling like maybe everyone hates them (it may be overdramatizing, and you may then want to tell them to stop wallowing, but if this is a trend with them sometimes it's best to work with it, testing multiple 'issues' you see in someone at once usually doesn't end all that well). Sometimes a vote of confidence from someone important can be far more motivating to live up to that, than a criticism. In this case the decision is strategic for their well-being more than for your own comfort.

B) your friend is very sensitive and takes mere hints deeply to heart, meaning they do not _need_ a stronger, more blunt expression to 'get the message'. They may be quite able to tell by your tone alone that you do agree with the other person's criticism but will appreciate the additional reassuring message that you still like/care about them which your softer word choice communicates. Deciding to be respectful of them and communicate in a way that doesn't overwhelm them and which recognizes their ability to read subtleties is putting their needs first and is not selfish. 

C) you perceive that your friend is currently too riled up by the incident to discuss the matter calmly or rationally and is perhaps subconsciously poking for a chance to vent at you since they may not have been able to speak their reaction at the time the other person said this to them. Thus in the interest of preventing them from regretting saying things they don't really mean to you, you choose your words carefully to prevent a useless explosion. While this saves you some pain, it's also saving them embarrassment and regret later on for letting it out at you, and it's strategic in the long run to calm them in the interest of them being able to think or talk through the accusation with a more realistic mindset at a later time.

It is quite possible to be more concerned with how they will be affected by your response, than you are worried about how their reaction will affect you, even if that is also another factor.


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## Zen_alpha (Jan 17, 2014)

It depends on the person, not the function. For example, I can use my Te to guide other people minds with my advice or just use it to mislead others for selfish reason like "boredom, trying to test a theory...etc"

Function is like a tool, and I'm the user. If I can't handle my tool, then I'm to blame.

I have a friend who is ENFP, she asked me the same question "Is it true that I'm selfish", I told you her yes you are. But, you can improve it after you accept it.


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## Stickman (Sep 30, 2012)

The Perfect Storm said:


> Yup.
> 
> What's with the Fi-hate, people? Functions don't make people selfish; people make people selfish, lol.


What's wrong with selfishness?


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Aelthwyn said:


> 'keeping the peace' in order to keep yourself comfortable is certainly one possible motivation in this scenario, and yes that is more selfishness under the veneer of thinking of the other person. However it's not the only reason to 'soften the blow'. There are many different possible nuances to such a scenario. Based on one's understanding of the other person, one might choose to downplay your agreement with the criticism because you perceive that
> 
> A) your friend is already shaken by this message and isn't going to quickly stop worrying about it, but they need encouragement to feel empowered to work on themselves, while driving them down in the dust too far will just result in them being demotivated because they are too depressed, feeling like maybe everyone hates them (it may be overdramatizing, and you may then want to tell them to stop wallowing, but if this is a trend with them sometimes it's best to work with it, testing multiple 'issues' you see in someone at once usually doesn't end all that well). Sometimes a vote of confidence from someone important can be far more motivating to live up to that, than a criticism. In this case the decision is strategic for their well-being more than for your own comfort.
> 
> ...


There is a difference between trying to express something tactfully, and simply avoiding the issue because of fearing the outcome, the latter of which is the selfish decision.


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## PaladinX (Feb 20, 2013)

crazyNFPperson said:


> I'm an Fi user, and the more I think about it, the more I think this function is really selfish, and really am wondering what the point of it is...
> 
> I know this sounds really blunt... I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.


In what way do you think Fi is selfish?


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## Norina (Dec 16, 2014)

I think all internal functions have the potential to be selfish when unhealthy. They are self-oriented, so they know and value the self best. But it really just depends on the overall health of the individual. Functions in and of themselves *are* nothing.


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## justroaming (Jul 8, 2015)

No, not necessarily. However, it can defiantly come off that way! Someone with a well developed Fi I believe would treat everyone the way they would like to be treated.


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## KalimofDaybreak (Aug 6, 2015)

crazyNFPperson said:


> I'm an Fi user, and the more I think about it, the more I think this function is really selfish, and really am wondering what the point of it is...
> 
> I know this sounds really blunt... I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.


Sure, you could say that Fi is selfish, but then you would have to concede that _all_ introverted functions are selfish. They are by definition focused on the subject and are generally unconcerned with external reality. Yet you don't hear people saying that ISxJs, for instance, are selfish (quite the opposite).


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## SheWolf (Apr 17, 2015)

I disagree with Fi being selfish.

Anyone can be selfish and anyone can be selfless. Fi can be selfish if the individual is unhealthy to the point that they only look out for "number one"

Fe can be selfish in the terms that it becomes needy with emotional reassurance. Fe can be insecure, needing the approval and comfort of others' emotions.

Fi sounds selfish on paper. But the truth is, if they deem it in their moral to care for someone, you'll never find anyone more loyal, unwavering, and caring of you. I have an INFP friend and he puts his family before himself. Sure, it's because he sees it as his moral that should not put himself before them, but does that really matter?

And as a Fe-user, I can be selfish in the sense that when I'm emotional, I forgo caring for others because I'm not getting the OUTWARD support and recognition for it. Would a Fi user do that? Nope.


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