# Where to find NFs?



## Mononoke (Dec 27, 2009)

In my room.

I don't like going out alone just due to shyness and I guess when I do go out with friends I'm too absorbed in their company to be approachable.


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## day_dreamer (Nov 8, 2010)

Immerseyourself said:


> Well, I wouldn't say give up. Every type has their issues. If you really want to give up, it means 2 things: (1) You didn't really want it bad enough, and (2) you aren't putting in the effort. Rejection is rejection, but for every so many people you find that reject you, one will eventually say "yes".
> As an Extravert, it'll be easier for you to interact with people and actually move on, particularly as you are a T. An F would be more inclined to brood, in particular a dominant Fi.
> So if you really seek a deep relationship, one that will take a while to bud but will be well worth it, then seek a Fi dominant. But it'll be difficult actually getting there.


My only complaint is that it is *ALWAYS* me who approaches an introvert. It feels bad that the introverts don't find me interesting enough to approach. I don't like bothering somebody when they are either nervous or not willing to speak to somebody. I have tried to be friendly with introverts and they prefer evading (may be because I scare them or I don't know why). I am tired of pursuing them and I like to be pursued too.


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## Immerseyourself (Feb 12, 2013)

day_dreamer said:


> My only complaint is that it is *ALWAYS* me who approaches an introvert. It feels bad that the introverts don't find me interesting enough to approach. I don't like bothering somebody when they are either nervous or not willing to speak to somebody. I have tried to be friendly with introverts and they prefer evading (may be because I scare them or I don't know why). I am tired of pursuing them and I like to be pursued too.


Your complaint is a valid one, and I do agree. I also think you're falling for what everyone falls for: The fact that it is easy to jump to conclusions when your expectations and experiences tell you that "this is how it is". 
Yes, a lot of introverts do not approach. I'm one of them. I will _never_ approach a woman that I have a thing for. It isn't because I don't like her or I'm not interested; I may actually be. I just don't go out and ask random people whom I feel attracted to. I would have to somehow get to know them in other avenues. "Getting to know" doesn't mean dating, it means somehow getting pushed into situations where we are around each other and get to know one another.
It is only when we fully know each other that I_ may_ ask.
The reason is subtle and may raise your eyebrows in disbelief: If a woman were to approach me and fully ask me out, I think I'd be in such shock that I'd agree simply because she is willing to step up beyond the expectations of society (thereby carving her own individual path) and make an effort to get what she wants. It means that she is worth getting to know, because she is a unique individual. 
Yes, I'm also generally afraid to ask (I have approach anxiety) and I'm bad at talking to random people, but at the heart of it is also an ideology. I'm looking for a woman who can compliment me well, and my ideologies and attitudes make me a complicated person, perhaps too complicated, to find a woman. I don't want to engage in flightly shallow and meaningless dates with women who are far from someone I could be with unless I think they are someone I could be with.
Them approaching me is one of them. Them exhibiting a patience and understanding is another.

I do understand that you would like to be pursued, in particular because you're female and human instincts kick in. I sometimes have the want to pursue myself, and I have done so in the past (never worked out). I also sympathize that your friendliness towards introverts never amounts to much. How much do you know about Introverts? Do you _fully understand_ them? Extraverts can wear us out, in particular that dominant Ne. I've seen your picture (I assume it is), and you look like a very energetic off-the-wall person (that's a compliment, not an insult) who would wear someone like me out pretty fast.
I work with an ENTP for a short time every now and then when we're not on email, and he can tire me out. If you rush at them and go supernova on them, they'll be inclined to evade. I've done it before.
If you treat Introverts like nitroglycerin, knowing they may explode at energetic extraversion, then you'll do much better.

The final choice is up to you, and not everyone can deal with every type. But not all types are homegenous and can be generalized as well. Each person is a differentiated package exhibiting different attitudes and motivations. 
If you want to get a good laugh: if you think its a pain in the neck that you have to approach an introvert, imagine two introverts liking each other.
Anyway, best of luck in your pursuits/being pursued. You'll find someone eventually who'll absolutely gobsmack you. On that day wear earplugs and eat light (I highly recommend eating light) because the trumpets will sound they'll take you for one heck of a ride.


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## xulaton (Feb 21, 2013)

Not sure if this is applicable to other INFs, but the only places out of the house I can be found is Wal-Mart grocery shopping and at a meeting of something I care about (usually politics). The likelihood of my presence at said meeting increases in proportion to the accessibility of alcohol. When work takes me out and about, restaurant and airport bars are fairly reliable, too. 
The best identifier is still that said person isn’t saying much, but intently listening. Booze makes that tricky, though. In the right situation, a few whiskeys can bring on a righteous E session. 
Now the approach. I actually got good at this once upon a time. The key is proximity. Be alone,sit close, and wait for an opportunity to say something friendly. There’s actually a good chance they’ll spool up the conversation for you. Easy as that. Be patient, though. It may take the person a bit to work up the courage or figure out what’s going on.


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## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

So many introverted NFs are at home or else in quiet places like libraries or something...

Careful, guys. As you can see, if make yourselves too scarce, the ENTPs will start sending out search parties.


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## day_dreamer (Nov 8, 2010)

^ lol


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## Hugty (Jun 30, 2012)

day_dreamer said:


> but there must be a way to approach them? I don't want to scare them or anything. Usually even I am not very receptive to strangers.
> 
> Why don't you answer the questions you raised to make my life easier


As an ENFP you don't have to worry about scaring me, and I don't think you can really scare any of us away too much. I am also very receptive to strangers, even if I don't like them too much I don't have a problem and am nice. As long as you are not disrespectful and threatening I do not mind.

If I am interested in meeting someone for any reason I will make it happen. I might not get to it right the day that I see them, if I'm busy, but I will approach them very soon thereafter (whenever I get the chance). I am a bit shy but have no problem starting up a conversation with a stranger and often do it, unless I am in a shitty mood (which isn't often). Even if I really like someone and am attracted to them I will talk to them, though it will not always be for a long time, usually around a minute or two just to see if they may also be interested in me. 

You can really find me almost anywhere. Exceptions are parties in which a lot of alcohol is involved or drugs, I stay away from those parties. Also, you cannot find me too much online, I prefer to actually go out and meet people in real life, which is where you want to find/meet NFs anyway. (I do not have facebook or twitter or anything like that, I only can be found here on PerC!) I really enjoy having fun though and will be found anywhere, even at parties as long as they are not filled with people of whom all are getting drunk and taking drugs.


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## Rinori (Apr 8, 2012)

I spend 40% of my time at work, 50% of my time at home and 10% in public.


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## Rinori (Apr 8, 2012)

The beach! The only place in public you would find me often is at the beach but I mostly go by myself or with a small group of close friends or family by small i mean 2-3 other people max.


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## 3053 (Oct 14, 2009)

at HOME fantasizing about some unreality 

or else 

wondering around those Indian craft shops in the city centre 
small scale cafés
gigs! 
music festivals! great source of communal love 
i don't know why but I'm fascinated by going supermarket shopping
THE DARKEST CORNERS OF THE INTERNET 
quirky college societies 
vegan restaurants 
thrift shops


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## Immerseyourself (Feb 12, 2013)

dejavu said:


> So many introverted NFs are at home or else in quiet places like libraries or something...
> 
> Careful, guys. As you can see, if make yourselves too scarce, the ENTPs will start sending out search parties.


I laughed so hard at the above. The mental image that complemented that movie clip just doubled my hilarity.



> As an ENFP you don't have to worry about scaring me, and I don't think you can really scare any of us away too much. I am also very receptive to strangers, even if I don't like them too much I don't have a problem and am nice. As long as you are not disrespectful and threatening I do not mind.


I agree it isn't easy to scare you guys off. I was in a group at work (if being at the back, and a couple feet from the nearest people counts as being in a group) and MBTI was tossed up from a discussion on personalities in the business environment. 
I began discussing it with the guy dominating the conversation, and he said he was an ENFP. I had already assumed that given his idealistic attitudes, inspirational stories and comments, and the way he lights up and gushes his words out, so I wasn't surprised.
In my observations of him, he kind of bounces around both physically and verbally, but it is difficult to get on his bad side or to shoo him away; he's very open, and quite a nice guy.


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## Pom87 (Apr 7, 2012)

I just wanted to let everyone know that I ventured outside today. So, chances are that you might have spotted an NF without you realizing so.


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## Immerseyourself (Feb 12, 2013)

Pom87 said:


> I just wanted to let everyone know that I ventured outside today. So, chances are that you might have spotted an NF without you realizing so.


Pom, has the world changed much? How did your interactions with other humans go? How was the _food_? Please share your observations so we can further understand the crazy world outside our windows.

Does anyone else ever think of that Geico commercial where it goes something like "You may not know, but they are around us...here with us. Someone next to you, or in the next car over, may be a Geico representative...."
Change out Geico for INFP, and add in something extra along the lines of "It may be a fleeting glance, for this species sees little of the light of day. There are rumors that if you catch one, you can uncover their pot of gold, but be fast yet cautious and understanding with these creatures for they will withdraw at the slightest vaporized breath of air that departs the lips."


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Did you know there is an annual Hello Kitty convention?


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## Adhokk (Nov 13, 2012)

*Formula for meeting suitable ENFx:*

*1.* Talk to everyone
*2.* Of those who respond, enthusiastic talkers are likely E
*3.* If they talk about things that aren't simply eliciting information you've found an F
*4.* If they hold your interest for more than 5 minutes you've found an N
*5.* Put um together! ENFx!

:tongue:


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## SarahGhia (Mar 17, 2013)

Immerseyourself said:


> Your complaint is a valid one, and I do agree. I also think you're falling for what everyone falls for: The fact that it is easy to jump to conclusions when your expectations and experiences tell you that "this is how it is".
> Yes, a lot of introverts do not approach. I'm one of them. I will _never_ approach a woman that I have a thing for. It isn't because I don't like her or I'm not interested; I may actually be. I just don't go out and ask random people whom I feel attracted to. I would have to somehow get to know them in other avenues. "Getting to know" doesn't mean dating, it means somehow getting pushed into situations where we are around each other and get to know one another.
> It is only when we fully know each other that I_ may_ ask.
> The reason is subtle and may raise your eyebrows in disbelief: If a woman were to approach me and fully ask me out, I think I'd be in such shock that I'd agree simply because she is willing to step up beyond the expectations of society (thereby carving her own individual path) and make an effort to get what she wants. It means that she is worth getting to know, because she is a unique individual.
> ...


Congrats! This really sums up introvert-extrovert socialization... I just have to add one thing - if you find an introvert in a REALLY good mood he/she may surprise you by being the heart of the party! It happened to me a couple of times, I even surprised myself :laughing: Of course, alcohol must be involved in the equation :happy:


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## BrownJaquan (Feb 17, 2013)

Libraries, volunteering somewhere, bookstores, caves!!, At home....

I think you would have a better chance meeting an INF through this site though.


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## INFJperson (Mar 19, 2013)

On the Internet!


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## fatalerrer (Mar 20, 2013)

Finding other INF's in person is something I've given quite a bit of thought to. I don't make friends very easily, in part because I don't spend a lot of time out and about, so I started thinking about where to meet people. The problem is if you go out to common gathering places such as bars, concerts, and local events you're more likely to meet people who frequent those types of scenes (ie: not your typical INF's) I do have a few suggestions though. 

Meeting people normally requires going out on a limb (speaking from an INFJ perspective), meaning you still have to go where the people are. My reasoning for this is that it's extremely hard to meet people in a non-social atmosphere. You can go to libraries and cafes, coffee shops and jazz lounges (all places I thoroughly enjoy), but your odds of striking up a conversation are rather slim unless you happen to run into the same people frequently. My line of thought is this. Parties, events, and the like will bring out the extroverts but inevitably some hapless introverts will be mixed in as well, likely having been dragged their by friends or because they felt the need to socialize after extended time alone. Look for people at the edge of the crowds taking it all in or those who are mingling but don't seem to have much to say. 

My other bit of advice is, don't talk about the weather. INF's (or all the ones I've met at least) won't engage in shallow conversation, you just won't capture their attention. So engage and express genuine interest. Also, a bit of insight goes a long way. It will let them know you're thinking, and more importantly that you are interested in them enough to have considered them. Obviously each situation while be different and there are a myriad of different scenarios for meeting someone. Hopefully my two cents is of some value.


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## lunajenn (Mar 24, 2013)

Totally agree. Infp will be the one who looks awkward at a party. They might just look tired or bored. We love to be approached. It gives our self-esteem a boost ( which is often low). I don't even need someone to say something terribly deep or insightful. Just anything different, unusual or humorous.


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## Chinese Daydream Art (Jun 6, 2012)

Immerseyourself said:


> You know, I got to thinking: If you do try to find an INF I'm not even sure that going to a cafe/bookstore/library would do much. There's not exactly a smooth way of talking to an INF in these situations. When I'm at a library, I'm focused on the material in front of me. When I'm at a bookstore, I'm there to find a book. When I'm at the cafe, I'm sipping on a mocha while engrossed in the book I'm reading.
> It would be awkward and strange for someone to just come up to me at any of these points in time to try to talk to me. That's not to say I wouldn't talk (I'm sorry to say that it really depends on my mood) as I've had a great two-hour discussion with a Pakistani once who was trying to learn English. He had interrupted me from a great book I was reading. I could hardly fault him anyway, given his lack of cultural awareness.
> 
> I think that, with the scarcity as it is to find an INF, it is more difficult to approach one when found than I had considered. Would you just walk up and interrupt them? Would you try to find an opening when they get up for something, or temporarily detatch themselves from their current interests? Maybe you would try to ask a question about the reading material, or to seek help with something you're "working on"? Maybe you'd pretend like you lost something, and maybe they saw it around.
> Its hard to say. I think you should really just focus on ENF instead INF due to the astounding difficulties. Anyway, best of luck.


I am same. I am happy on my own most of time.


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## I am me (Mar 4, 2013)

uhhh... I smile at almost every random on the street, so look for a happy person, or a person deep in thought and not concentrating. Also, i think that I's attract I's (although i have many E friends), so if you see 2 quiet people together, give it a shot ya never know. Also, we are very good at fitting in, so you might not notice if you have found an infp. Also, personally, I think you should pay attention to a person and not their type.


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## aus2020 (Jun 29, 2011)

social activism and social justice groups from amnesty to greenpeace, missionary workers, peace corps, Green party, owm


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## Equus (Sep 17, 2012)

The Internet.


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## day_dreamer (Nov 8, 2010)

Equus said:


> The Internet.


That's a beautiful picture and what it represents is even more beautiful. I guess that's the story of most introverts


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## LiamINFJ (Apr 19, 2013)

Probably sat in your local Costa's if it's not too busy


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## Mimi_2 (Apr 29, 2013)

---


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

LiamINFJ said:


> Probably sat in your local Costa's if it's not too busy


Boo! Does no one visit independent coffee shops or vintage clothes stores any more?


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## LiamINFJ (Apr 19, 2013)

StElmosDream said:


> Boo! Does no one visit independent coffee shops or vintage clothes stores any more?


There's none round my end anymore haha. Plus I'm a sucker for those toffee cooler things.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

LiamINFJ said:


> There's none round my end anymore haha. Plus I'm a sucker for those toffee cooler things.


I wont lie, fruit smoothies are my weakness in Costa Coffee although I prefer how organic and independents are more likely to not attract the 'trend seekers' so much but then again I still like the Tea Cafes' (assuming the clientèle age average is not 60+ of course).


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## WolfeGang (May 5, 2013)

fatalerrer said:


> My other bit of advice is, don't talk about the weather. INF's (or all the ones I've met at least) won't engage in shallow conversation, you just won't capture their attention. So engage and express genuine interest. Also, a bit of insight goes a long way. It will let them know you're thinking, and more importantly that you are interested in them enough to have considered them. Obviously each situation while be different and there are a myriad of different scenarios for meeting someone. Hopefully my two cents is of some value.


 How do you even know you are dealing with one if they give you so little to work with? The same could be applied inversely. That's the problem with introverts (especially the expressed variety), we sometimes just don't say anything assuming that others won't be interested in what we have to say. Worst case scenario, nobody talks at all. At least extroverts are more instigative and revealing with regards to their interests. It makes them easier to read hence easier to establish common lines of interest.


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## Mr.Blayz (Nov 20, 2012)

follow your fun, and when you talk to them be yourself "all the way yourself" like your home alone self


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## clairdelunatic (Mar 20, 2013)

Bookstores, Cafes, Bookstores with cafes (double points!), the one Rasputin left in town, art museums. Look in corner tables. Someone writing in a notebook propped at an angle that implies he/she doesn't want anyone to see what's inside... might be an INFX. 



devoid said:


> Did you know there is an annual Hello Kitty convention?


Fact check: ...You're kidding? (I hope.)


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