# NFs, how healthy is your self esteem?



## jdmn (Feb 5, 2010)

Hello. I've been reading posts of my fellow NF brothers and sisters and I've seen many negative stuff about our self esteems. Some of us are pretty healthy, but many of us too have deep insecurities, dependecies on other people, incapacity to say no, a negative self image, self pity, and so on, so on...

That's why I would like to ask you guys, how healthy is your self esteem? If it's healthy, how have you managed to keep this good love of yourself? If it's not, what are the causes, background and effects of your low self esteem? Have you ever done something to control it, like, counselling, etc, etc..?? I made this thread for the ENFJs, but I think this issue is general in NFs too.

Shoot all the information you've got! We can arrive to solutions for this self esteem trouble


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## VivaCohen (Jan 8, 2010)

Well it was so low that there was nowhere to go but up lol... I had medical problems related to my self-esteem in high school. It was really bad. A few years ago I decided to make some changes. Now I'm better than ever. I'm still prone to low self-esteem and low confidence but I'm in a healthy place right now as I can see moments of getting down on myself as opportunities to build my self-esteem (Cheesy lol but true)


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## fairydust (Nov 26, 2009)

at 42 myself-worth is pretty healthy, bt it wasn't always. until i was 35 i was "perfect" and it was killing my. i entered grad school and came to the place that i needed to be authentic not perfect. i pretty much like/love myself. i'm flawed, i know it. but i'm pretty cool too. wouldn't want to go back to the facade of perfection... too exhausting.
i still struggle with boundaries and 'confrontation" but i'm a work in progress.


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## pajamiez (Mar 5, 2010)

I would say that mine isn't very healthy. I'm so afraid of attention and people making fun of me, I'm afraid that they analyze everything I do like how I analyze others. I'm INFJ and my enneagram is mainly type four, I feel that I'm unique but not unique enough at times and I cannot decide which of the two. I love building my identity and my fantasy world. I'm embarrassed because I'm different, but I hope people see me as different in a good way.
I believe it had to do with my childhood, I wished to be friends with people and they didn't like me. My parents did not spend much time with me and I pretty much grew up playing with my stuffed animals all day. I'm highly sensitive to everything also.


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## Molock (Mar 10, 2010)

My confidence was at rock bottom during high-school. I thought I was an ugly loser. Above all, I hated seing pictures of myself. 

Nowadays I have improved a lot and really like who I am (mostly). I can look back at the old pictures from high-school and say to myself "hey, you weren't ugly". It's crazy how our perceptions can change with our state of minds. I'm not exactly where I want to be but I am proud to have made it this far.


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## kdm1984 (Jul 8, 2009)

It, um, could use work. :happy:


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## Danse Macabre (Oct 30, 2009)

I have rather low self esteem. I was just talking about it with my psychiatrist the other day. 
It's odd, because I've always had low self esteem, although I've never really been bullied or teased and I've always been very successful. I really like my personality and beliefs and such, but I don't like the way I look. I have always felt very physically unattractive.


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## Chad A (May 6, 2010)

Hmmm... high in early elementary school, then a slow dwindle to the lowest in 7th grade... then about medium or so in high school. sorta low in college (but I put on the facade that I was having a GREAT time)... then slowly building to its highest point at age 34. I think as we get more comfortable in our own skins, the self esteem rises. Now I embrace my quirkiness and randomness and lost in my own thought-itis.


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## Leith (May 9, 2010)

I'd say mine's always been quite healthy, it hasn't been as high as I'd have liked it but it could have been much worse. Mine was probably at it's lowest when I first moved to Australia, not knowing anyone and being half the world away from my family put a pretty big dent in it, as well as finding it hard to approach new people made me feel a bit worthless, but now I think it's at a decent level.


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## Shaneus (Feb 16, 2010)

You're in Australia? Not sure how long you've been here or whereabouts you're located, but there's a fairly healthy community of us on this forum. I certainly wouldn't have a problem if there was someone new to hang out with 

FWIW, I've pretty much always had a low self-esteem and only just recently (last few years) started taking steps consciously pulling it aside and improving it. It's not perfect but being able to acknowledge it is a positive step.



PS. Morrissey's awesome.


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## jadesea (May 8, 2010)

It's average I'd say. There are things about my personality that I don't like but I think I'm pretty good looking, capable of being charming and can hold my own in academic work.


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## boredToDeath (Jan 3, 2010)

Frankly, its not good. I think the problem is that both my parents were ESTJ, so they had a high tendency to criticise; and criticism is not something an INFP can handle well, especially at a young age. They have pushed me into doing all those things I would not normally do, like making a large group of friends, being highly organised, and having a hard coating from the outside and a cold heart from the inside to be able to deal with life, so I was always feeling that I was "wrong", that I was born with a disorder that I needed to fix, until I found out about the MBTI, and that I was not wrong after all, which gage me enough sel esteem to see myself as a success, and fight off any other attempt a changing what I was.


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## LightningSt0rm (May 12, 2010)

I am an ENFJ and I place myself in the "self-esteem needs work" category and am in possession of the inability to say no. I'll say I'll think about it and usually end up doing everything anyways--even if it is detrimental to my schedule and mental health...


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## Midnight Runner (Feb 14, 2010)

My self-esteem is generally fairly low. It has been on the rise as of late, but since it started out so low it will take a while to get to a good level. But like I said, I am getting better. roud:


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## wjs (May 6, 2010)

when i am stressed or feeling under a lot of pressure my self esteem can take a serious nose-dive and that can lead to streaks where i am just extremely down on myself -- it can be hard to come out of that state

but for the most part, from day to day, i feel pretty good about myself


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## Leith (May 9, 2010)

Shaneus said:


> You're in Australia? Not sure how long you've been here or whereabouts you're located, but there's a fairly healthy community of us on this forum. I certainly wouldn't have a problem if there was someone new to hang out with
> 
> FWIW, I've pretty much always had a low self-esteem and only just recently (last few years) started taking steps consciously pulling it aside and improving it. It's not perfect but being able to acknowledge it is a positive step.
> 
> ...


Thanks Shaneus, I'll keep a look out for all of you. And I couldn't agree with you more about Morrissey.


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## murderegina (Jan 7, 2010)

My self-esteem fluctuates between periods of being as healthy as a horse and down in the dumps; and no I'm not manic depressive! I think the rapid changes are caused by my perceptiveness and sensitivity. As easy as it is for me to rise up from positive self-talk I can just as easily wear myself down. Now let's take a walk down metaphor lane.. Combine these conditions and apply them to the canvas of my mind. Imagine all these down-talks and pep talks to be paint splatters And..BAM! Herein lies the problem, my inner conflict won't let me form an opinion of whether the product of my own thoughts, these paint splatters, is indeed, a masterpiece or just a black hole for me to stare at (with my mind's eye, of course). 



I hope one day the world in my head stays positive. I hope one day every thought feels like a masterpiece. I guess a non-NF might say I hope one day I have consistent, healthy self-esteem!


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## MyAlterEgo (May 17, 2010)

Well, for the moment it is pretty good, but it toke me sometime to reach that point, we need to discover ourselves pretty well to be able to reach that point where we are confident with a health self esteem


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## 68Borderlander (May 10, 2010)

*Isolation*



pajamiez said:


> I would say that mine isn't very healthy. I'm so afraid of attention and people making fun of me, I'm afraid that they analyze everything I do like how I analyze others. I'm INFJ and my enneagram is mainly type four, I feel that I'm unique but not unique enough at times and I cannot decide which of the two. I love building my identity and my fantasy world. I'm embarrassed because I'm different, but I hope people see me as different in a good way.
> I believe it had to do with my childhood, I wished to be friends with people and they didn't like me. My parents did not spend much time with me and I pretty much grew up playing with my stuffed animals all day. I'm highly sensitive to everything also.


 
I understand where you are coming from. My father was 40 and my mother 35 when I was born. I grew up in the 70's and 80's to 50's standards. Also, the neighborhood in which I grew up was mostly older people and their children were already grown and gone. From time to time there would be a younger family, that had kids my age, move in for a year then move away. I have a vivid imagination and I created many worlds in my back yard while playing with my Hot Wheels or bucket full of plastic army men. 
The secret to life is to realize that everyone is different. Most people are so afraid to be themselves that they try to blend in with the crowd so they can be part of the herd. However, I say that the amazing people in this world are the unique personalities that realize they are the diamonds amoung the lumps of coal. Look at your gifts and love yourself for seeing the world that those around you can not see. I am not saying that is easy nor to suddenly be flamboyant, but do the things you enjoy, love the way you want to love, walk barefoot through the dew covered green grass of life and know you are not alone in your fantasy world. Many of us are there with you and we are your friends.:happy:

Borderlander


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## Etro (May 17, 2010)

My self-esteem isn't that great, I was always pushed around when i was younger so i later would always just agree with people when they asked me to do something. I never really asked for help about it either.. I'm not particularly religious, i just relied on my own thoughts to guide me to the right path. It is pretty rough at points.


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

Not very healthy.


I desire and crave validation so much that I cannot find any worth in my self by myself.


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## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

Pajamiez I so feel you I wish I could just give you a hug.

I grew up living with two mismatched parents (ISFJ and INTP) and a somewhat autistic brother (he has aspergers and tourettes syndrome), far off in the isolated countryside. There were no neighbors close by, and no playground, only the forest and the trees. Tall, dark, sun-eating pine trees. 
Growing up with ADD, feeling different, knowing something was wrong with me, but not knowing what, no one noticed. My parents were too burned out, always fighting with each other, or dealing with my brother. 
My mother was unhappy with her job as a teacher. My dad was uninvolved, and never wanted kids. 
I played alone a lot, and was a very introverted and shy child. I longed to be alone, away from my brother, from my father's negativity, and from my parents fighting. My stuffed animals became my friends, and in my imagination I created a world where I could escape. A lot of the time I still long to escape. 

I have panic attacks sometimes when I have to deal with a lot of stress. 
I struggle with anxieties and low self esteem. 
I'm a HSP. 


This film is one of the best things that ever happened to me:


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## Flute (May 26, 2010)

It's really low, and any time I try to pull it back up it gets trampled all over again. It's gotten to where I don't want to bother even trying to get it back up - it seems like it's easier to just live with it being low than to deal with it being squished back down all the time. I stay indoors almost all the time and the only people I see outside of my family are the few friends I've had since high school. I don't have the vaguest idea of how I would go about meeting other people my age and I don't really want to anyway. I always feel like I'm "weird" compared to my peers (especially other girls) and I wouldn't know how to relate.


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## Blueguardian (Aug 22, 2009)

Over all I would put my self esteem as "a work in progress." There are some areas that are perfectly fine, while others definitely need work, lots of it. For example, I have high self esteem when it comes to how I view my personality. I am very happy with the kind of person that I am. I have very low self esteem however, in the area of physical looks. I have a hard time finding anything about my physical self that I like.


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## Allegorist (Mar 28, 2010)

I'm going to say it's averagely healthy. There are times I degrade myself and I have the I can't do this moments. But, there are times where I'm confident and where I feel like I'm unstoppable. Improving my self-esteem is a goal of mine and I now I can achieve it. Why? Because self-esteem is one of those important things I need in my life. I'm not going to throw my emotions around like a toy and I'm not going to say something that isn't true of myself.


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## Cinnamon (May 28, 2010)

I am the same; 'a work in progress'. And yes, it could only really go up. :happy:

Out of interest, those of you who consider yourself to have low self-esteem, would you say this is a result of critisism/bullying? Because I think even if this hadn't happened to me, I would probably always have had problems with self-eseem, naturally. I'm a perfectionist, so I guess that doesn't help. But having someone constantly tell you how terrible/ugly/'flawed' you are doesn't help either, even if you know they're just trying to get a feeling of superiority. What has the biggest effect on you?


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## smiley (May 8, 2010)

I have good self esteem now at 31 years old- but I was very depressed about a decade ago, was medicated and seeing a few different psychiatrists... I had a good childhood and a loving family- and despite being chubby as a little girl- I had relatively good self-esteem... That all changed in my first year away at college... I was attacked by a male friend of mine. I trusted him and he ended up raping me. I blamed myself because I was drunk and was too confused to get out of the situation. My boyfriend at the time blamed me too... I just started hating myself. Then it turned into alcohol and drug problems and an eating disorder... I have now been sober for 8 years and am happily married (for 7 years). For the most part, my self-esteem is good... but I beat myself up a lot and sometimes my personality makes me cringe- I wish I wasn't so friendly and try-hard... but that's just me. I am also always worrying about my weight... I don't know if that will ever stop. I no longer have any kind of eating disorder- but the thoughts don't just disappear and that's been hard.


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

Cinnamon said:


> Out of interest, those of you who consider yourself to have low self-esteem, would you say this is a result of critisism/bullying? Because I think even if this hadn't happened to me, I would probably always have had problems with self-eseem, naturally. I'm a perfectionist, so I guess that doesn't help. But having someone constantly tell you how terrible/ugly/'flawed' you are doesn't help either, even if you know they're just trying to get a feeling of superiority. What has the biggest effect on you?


I have been overweight my whole life, but I was never made fun of, never bullied, etc. My personality today has a lot to do with me being a people pleaser to try to keep from getting made fun of I guess. I was always really smart in school and really active in extracurriculars. I actually got a lot of validation from my family and peers, so I'm not really sure where my low self-esteem comes from, but I would guess that looking outside myself for validation caused a lot of existential angst and never allowed me to love myself.


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## Aiam (May 30, 2010)

kaycee said:


> I have been overweight my whole life, but I was never made fun of, never bullied, etc. My personality today has a lot to do with me being a people pleaser to try to keep from getting made fun of I guess. I was always really smart in school and really active in extracurriculars. I actually got a lot of validation from my family and peers, so I'm not really sure where my low self-esteem comes from, but I would guess that looking outside myself for validation caused a lot of existential angst and never allowed me to love myself.


This, precisely. I have very supportive parents who didn't fixate on appearance as much as others I knew. And when I did get teased in school, I held my own--I was outspoken enough to fend off the wolves. 

But somewhere along the line I lost the ability to self-generate respect and love. I'm still overweight, and despair at and despise how I look. I spent five years alone with no partner, even though I tried to seek them out; all i got was resounding silence, or outright rejection. I questioned my own worth so much (there was one very abusive work supervisor whose influence I'm still trying to throw off) that I locked up and repressed the parts of me that I should have been nurturing. I have no sense of self-worth, in more than one meaning. There are things I really want to do, but end up not doing because I'm certain it'll end in failure so why open myself up to that pain? 

I am unable to evaluate myself objectively--I worry far too much about others, nowhere near enough about myself. I have a very difficult time being assertive, as if I don't have the right to. I always have to make sure other people are happy and aren't hurting, and then I get resentful, and then I get nasty and passive aggressive. 

It's a self-perpetuating problem, and I don't know how to break the circuit. Or maybe I do, but I don't have the guts to do it.


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

Aiam said:


> I am unable to evaluate myself objectively--I worry far too much about others, nowhere near enough about myself. I have a very difficult time being assertive, as if I don't have the right to. I always have to make sure other people are happy and aren't hurting, and then I get resentful, and then I get nasty and passive aggressive.


Oh, wow. This this this this this x1 million.


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## Danse Macabre (Oct 30, 2009)

Cinnamon said:


> Out of interest, those of you who consider yourself to have low self-esteem, would you say this is a result of critisism/bullying? Because I think even if this hadn't happened to me, I would probably always have had problems with self-eseem, naturally. I'm a perfectionist, so I guess that doesn't help. But having someone constantly tell you how terrible/ugly/'flawed' you are doesn't help either, even if you know they're just trying to get a feeling of superiority. What has the biggest effect on you?


I was never really teased much, but the couple of times have felt like people were laughing at me have had a huge effect o me. Once I was singing a SINGLE LINE of music in assembly with a bunch of other kids, and as I sang my line a few of the older kids at the back laughed. That was almost ten years ago and it still makes me feel awkward xD I didn't sing in front of people for years because of that.


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

DanseMacabre said:


> I was never really teased much, but the couple of times have felt like people were laughing at me have had a huge effect o me. Once I was singing a SINGLE LINE of music in assembly with a bunch of other kids, and as I sang my line a few of the older kids at the back laughed. That was almost ten years ago and it still makes me feel awkward xD I didn't sing in front of people for years because of that.


Ugh, I still cringe at a lot of moments that are truly insignificant in the scheme of things and happened forever ago. Things that I can pretty much guarantee no one else remembers.

Why do we do that to ourselves???


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## Flute (May 26, 2010)

Cinnamon said:


> Out of interest, those of you who consider yourself to have low self-esteem, would you say this is a result of critisism/bullying? Because I think even if this hadn't happened to me, I would probably always have had problems with self-eseem, naturally. I'm a perfectionist, so I guess that doesn't help. But having someone constantly tell you how terrible/ugly/'flawed' you are doesn't help either, even if you know they're just trying to get a feeling of superiority. What has the biggest effect on you?


Yeah, I think it was mostly the bullying and criticism that got to me. At my first school I didn't have many problems. I had friends that I played with when I wanted to play, and when I didn't I went off and played by myself, and no one questioned it or cared. I had teachers that would let me work ahead and give me extra work if I wasn't being challenged. Thinking back on it I really was remarkably well-adjusted at that point compared to pretty much the rest of my life.

Then I changed schools. My teacher refused to give me anything challenging because it "wasn't her job," so I started getting bored and acting out by refusing to do anything at all. I still got on well with most of the kids, though. Then I changed schools *again* and that was when I started having social problems and getting bullied - I was the new, quiet, weird girl, so I was a bit of a target I guess. It mostly went down from there. And I was in 5th grade. I don't think I've had good self-esteem since then.


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## Anatta (Oct 8, 2009)

I've learned to love myself by flat-out refusing to listen or engage in any negative self-talk.


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## jasonm (May 24, 2010)

jdmn said:


> If it's healthy, how have you managed to keep this good love of yourself?


 
So you noticed this trend in NFs too. I find this especially true with my fellow types, INFPs. I'm happy to say that I‘m one INFP with very strong self-esteem. However, this did not come easily; I have gone through many of the mindsets I see low self-esteemed NFs living in. In fact, the majority of my life has been spent in a state of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and low self-love. I believe these began to change as I got more in touch with my creativity, my peaceful nature, and some of my natural gifts, like communicating my emotions and ideals, playing music, WRITING, understanding complex issues and the big ideas, influencing others . . . etc. 

We all have many gifts, but we don’t all use them. 

I think some big, common problems low self-esteemed NFs face is that (1) they do not appreciate all that they are good at, but are too aware of what they're not good at; (2) they do not see themselves as capable or worthy of reaching their ideals, which of course they are capable of reaching, but with hard work; (3) they don't know what their innate gifts are and just how much strength they offer us and others. 

I strongly feel that loving one’s self is perhaps one of the most empowering, positive, and influential characteristics NFs can have. Of course self-love is important for all people, but, perhaps for the NF who is low on the self-love graph, life seems much darker and more miserable than it does for most other types. (Probably because of their high ideals that then seem like far off fantasies) I believe that there is something about not knowing what we're good at, what our strengths are, or how to love both ourselves and others that eats away at the NF’s life until it grinds the NF into the ground, forcing us to learn to stand on our own or remain on the ground. And who better to come along and offer us a hand when we're down than a high self-esteemed NF? Thanks for this thread; I believe it addresses an important issue. 

Cheers!


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

I'm not so good in self esteem department. 

I just don't really like many things about myself honestly. If I said I did I would be lying. I don't really know what to do about it. I feel like my inner self doesn't show in the outside world.... people can't see what is going on underneath.


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## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

Anatta said:


> I've learned to love myself by flat-out refusing to listen or engage in any negative self-talk.


How do you manage that?


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## jdmn (Feb 5, 2010)

Ok...

1) Some of us are too shy to open up to people because of lacking social skills and fearing rejection. That makes us feel lonely, unworthy, insecure. Why we don't find other ways to express ourselves? For example, art. Lots of us have very refined artisitc skills, that would be a way to make others know us. Also, why don't we join any kind of groups? Social groups, artistic groups, possibly a fraternity? We can meet people like us who will willingly accept us for what we are. Becuase, it's true, we need a good group of friends that accept us to be loved, worthy, etc. When we don't have supportive families, friends are the top notch need for us.

2) I agree with jasonm. While we need to look for our weaknesses, we also have to focus on our strengths, what makes us great people, what makes us important, what are those good things that differences us from others. We can work on them so our strengths will be bigger than our weaknesses. We will start to value the good things of us more and more.

3) We have to be independent of other people's opinions. It's ok to hear what others think of us, because in a way, they tell us the impressions we give to the people. But we have to be aware of not taking it too seriously, not making them the only guides for altering our behavior. We also have to spot negative criticism and psychological manipulation.

You've got to show more alternatives, that's the thread's objective, come to possible alternatives.


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## Sizzorhandz (Jan 25, 2010)

What self-esteem? I feel like an inhuman blob. When guys were talking about who they think are pretty, all of my friends got mentioned except me. I know I'm not attractive, so why try to be when it's not my thing. I keep thinking that eventually, oneday I'll meet a guy who dosn't think that a girl has to be "girly", a guy who thinks my crafts are awsome, not a waste of effort. But all the guys around me would much rather have the tiny, chick who wastes money on huge purses and high heels, and that's just not me.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

My self-esteem is trash right now, but I've had a lot of shit go down in recent times. My self-esteem is slowly improving though


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

K possible ways of helping.... 

People. When I have people I really connect with.... I feel so much better. This is my energy fuel.... my gas .... what a beautiful metaphor xD. But seriously. So how do I find people I connect with? Well I dunno. I get part of it on personality cafe (look at my post count.... that's how much I need connection). I suppose another would be to join groups like philosophy club, psychology club, etc. However I have and to not much luck. Another would be to go to a college to find more like minded people.... but the current college I am at has very few.... but that will change eventually if I transfer. 

Another thing to do is constant positive talk. People have said this helps even though it hasn't worked for me yet. It feels as though I am lying to myself when I constantly and blindly say I am awesome. 

I have a question. Does anyone truly and honestly think that they are awesome? If so why? Because whenever I do it's usually because other people have told me so and I suddenly think that IIIII was the one that was responsible for my ego boost. I notice a lot of people do this. Things happen to people and they don't know why and so they find the closest reason and blame it on something that THEY did. I think I have something to bring to the table, but when I see myself in a video..... I don't like myself. When I see pictures of me.... I don't like my aura. Why is this? Could it be because I am aware of the video or picture.... and then I can't help but become conscious of what is going on?..... and therefore cease to act like myself? 

People don't like people that are insecure. When one is insecure it shows everywhere..... in mannerisms.... in body language..... even in revealing parts of one self readily...... and some cognitive functions don't show as well. 

There is a loop hole in all of this. Jasonm reminded me of this. What you think about yourself.... others tend to think about you too. 

I know I, in many circumstances, think that people will find me boring and overly depressing because I have heard that before. Or at least that's what I tell myself. But perhaps it's the other way around. Maybe I think I am boring and depressing..... and therefore they see me the same way. 

K so that's great news. What you think you are ..... you are .... (sort of). Wonderful. 

But wait..... you have to actually _believe_ it for it to work. That's the catch. 

How do you go about _honestly believing_ .... you are awesome... or cool.... or smart? 

This is a very important question. Because upon it lies ones self esteem. Do you trick yourself? Do you go around acting like you are awesome and hopefully getting the affirmation you need from the external world? Do you tell yourself that you are awesome over and over again until you believe it? 

And there is another catch. What you think about yourself.... doesn't always become true. You do have limits. If I think that I am extroverted and that I am a great leader...... others may think that as well..... but how long can I stay that way before my innate cognitive functions pull me back to where I am supposed to be? I've tried being a grand leader and such ..... it worked..... for a little bit..... before I realized I didn't realistically have what it took. 

So another catch is..... you must be realistic about what you think about yourself. But that's just it.... what the hell is realistic?


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## jasonm (May 24, 2010)

First off, thehigher, that was beautifully written. Thanks for the great contribution to the tread. You touched on many important ideas here, expressing many great insights, and I’d like to address them a little further. 


thehigher said:


> Another would be to go to a college to find more like minded people.... but the current college I am at has very few.... but that will change eventually if I transfer.


This is exactly the situation I find myself in college and perhaps why I have come to the Personality Café and other internet social sites in my life – to connect with like-minded people. College has been a good place for me in networking, learning, and in adding forward momentum to my ambitions, but it has not provided me a place to meet many like-minded people. In fact, I usually connect best with my professors, especially the like-minded ones. I suppose a possible solution to this – besides the Internet - could be, like thehigher mentioned, to seek out those like-minded people in community groups, events, and organizations. This is likely a more difficult thing for introverts to do, but the up-side is that in addition to searching out those like-minded people we would simultaneously be working on our social skills – our social-event confidence skills, our meeting and joining new groups skills, our presenting ourselves in a very extraverted way skills. I think developing our social skills is a _key_ factor for strong self esteem, especially in INFs. College has also been a great place for me to improve on these skills; I actually really look forward to the challenge of addressing the entire class or group, something I was completely afraid of when I started college at 23. 


thehigher said:


> Another thing to do is constant positive talk. People have said this helps even though it hasn't worked for me yet. It feels as though I am lying to myself when I constantly and blindly say I am awesome.
> 
> I have a question. Does anyone truly and honestly think that they are awesome? If so why?


 
These are great questions. How I’ve come to view them is that _the way_ is definitely not to lie to ourselves. Positive growth isn’t about being self-deceivers, but it’s about being true to ourselves. When we are true to ourselves things like being awesome, cool, smart, rich, important, better than someone else, etc tend to not carry very much weight – they still carry some, just not as much, more important things take precedence. On the other hand, when we are true to ourselves we can accept both our vices and our virtues, as they are both characteristics of us and thus should be honored. If there is something about us that we want to change then we have to transform, overcome, or conquer it, not repress it, be a victim of it, or let it defeat us. There is nothing shameful in accepting one of our vices, the problems exist when we are in denial that we have them. Positive talk is not about denying the negative things about us; it’s about _accepting_ the negative things about us – thought patterns, insecurities, unhealthy behaviors, lack of self-esteem, bad social skills, etc – and in one way or another coming to terms with them, facing them, and transforming them. There is great power in acceptance, transformative power. 
Examples of some effective positive self-talk: “I am strong enough to face this” “I will do the best I can do” “I will no longer do this!” “I will do that” “I am the one who has to do this because no one else is going to do it for me” “I will be the best me I can be”


thehigher said:


> K so that's great news. What you think you are ..... you are .... (sort of). Wonderful.
> 
> But wait..... you have to actually _believe_ it for it to work. That's the catch.
> 
> ...


 
You don’t just have to believe it for it to work, but you actually have to become it, or at least gradually work to become it – and, yes, it has to be something that is realistic for you to become. For example, I never thought of myself as a writer before three years ago. In fact, I didn’t even know that I could write. But as I continued wanting to be a writer, telling myself and others that I would be a writer, perusing it academically, and actually writing this eventually became a reality. I may not be a published author (yet), but I am a writer. There is no magic, in the fantasy sense, about the topic of your thoughts creating your reality, only cause and effect developments – this does not mean there is no mystery. Creating dreams, creating goals, and following our passion is only productive and successful if we work towards achievable outcomes. They _can_ be great. They can be amazing. They can be ideal. They can even be far-out-there. But if we are_ not_ realistic in these ambitions then we are fooling ourselves in a very deep and profound way; and it is not the way we want. 

In considering this self-esteem tread and the points thehigher and others have made I’m reminded of a paradox we sometimes fall into. That is . . . looking deeper for the answers to simple questions than is necessary. I remember back when I used to be extremely low in self-esteem. Then, analyzing things like we are doing here would have made me laugh and turn my attention in the opposite direction. I’m sure this not the case for all low self-esteemed people, but it definitely is for some. Simple adages – “love yourself before you love another” “never forget how special you are” “be the change you want to see” . . . etc . . . – can often times “say” all that really needs to be said; for these are often pointers to concepts that are extremely complex and sometimes contradictory to express in words; they are, indeed, beyond words. Personally, I have found the mediums of music, art, and novelty the most enlightening and helpful in these abstract subjects. 

Sometimes talking about change only serves to delay the change we are seeking. 

Cheers :happy:


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## Coccinellidae (Mar 16, 2010)

Objectively: no. Subjectively: enough healthy for me.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

jasonm said:


> First off, thehigher, that was beautifully written. Thanks for the great contribution to the tread. You touched on many important ideas here, expressing many great insights, and I’d like to address them a little further.
> 
> This is exactly the situation I find myself in college and perhaps why I have come to the Personality Café and other internet social sites in my life – to connect with like-minded people. College has been a good place for me in networking, learning, and in adding forward momentum to my ambitions, but it has not provided me a place to meet many like-minded people. In fact, I usually connect best with my professors, especially the like-minded ones. I suppose a possible solution to this – besides the Internet - could be, like thehigher mentioned, to seek out those like-minded people in community groups, events, and organizations. This is likely a more difficult thing for introverts to do to, but the up-side is that in addition to searching out those like-minded people we would simultaneously be working on our social skills – our social-event confidence skills, our meeting and joining new groups skills, our presenting ourselves in a very extraverted way skills. I think developing our social skills is a _key_ factor for strong self esteem, especially in INFs. College has also been a great place for me to improve on these skills; I actually really look forward to the challenge of addressing the entire class or group, something I was completely afraid of when I started college at 23.
> 
> ...


I like you lol. Amazing post. 

K I first want to ask you. Have you always been like this? In your dark moments..... what were you like? I don’t mean to be rude but I sometimes wonder if these people that seem so good at making sense of life are just plain smarter than me lol. 

Anyways. About your post. K so you mentioned that developing our “skills” is a key factor for strong self esteem. What have you learned in terms of skills personally? I also agree that this is a huge potential factor for developing self esteem for INF’s because 1) we thrive on people as NF’s 2) Introverts tend to have an innate challenge towards connecting with people since we also need to be alone and in some cases.... we find ourselves too alone. What keeps us from connecting with people is mainly in our social “skills”. You find ENFP’s and ENFJ’s are quite often VERY happy people where as INFJ’s and INFP’s seem quite melancholic. I would assume the reason may have something to do with this. 

About your second entry; I love when you said “If there is something about us that we want to change then we have to transform, overcome, or conquer it, not repress it, be a victim of it, or let it defeat us”. This sounds very insightful and I really really like it. However, going about this seems as if it would be immensely easier said than done. ..... though I am intrigued and look forward to being more conscious of this outlook in day to day thought. ~~~You spoke about virtues and vices. Ever since I stopped believing in Christianity I have found myself.... ever so often.... in need of a value system. Though I don’t believe in the faith of christianity..... i believe in part of it ..... i believe in the subjective truth of it..... the values, archetypes, projections, and emotional truths behind it. I don’t believe it holds objective truth. I’d be happy to go into more detail of what I believe concerning this. But the main point is..... I am lacking some sort of value system. Which brings me to ask you.... what is it that you believe? 

“Positive talk is not about denying the negative things about us; it’s about accepting the negative things about us” I like this. I suppose I have heard about positive talk from misinformed people, bad self help books, or maybe I just made up my own definition. I like your definition much better. “There is a great power in acceptance, transformative power” I love that to death. ~~~“looking deeper for the answers to simple questions than is neccesary” I love this too! Blahh so true. The funny thing is.... how you describe yourself in your low self esteem days ..... is much like me. Yes I laugh in the face of simple truths like “never forget how special you are” or “love yourself before you love another”. I mean I accept them.... and I think they hold value you.... but I don’t listen. I don’t buy into it. I think my problems are much deeper than the ones they are addressing. But I remember when I was a christian.... the simple truths it taught me made me happier than I ever have been. And that shows right there that these truths, just like you said, are packed and hidden with complex concepts. Andd yessss they are beyond words often too haha ... you are good! haha. And yes I agree music and art seem to be much better at explaining them than anything else. 
I think this is probably my favorite post I’ve read to date on personality cafe. Yes cheers very much!


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## jdmn (Feb 5, 2010)

thehigher said:


> This is a very important question. Because upon it lies ones self esteem. Do you trick yourself? Do you go around acting like you are awesome and hopefully getting the affirmation you need from the external world? Do you tell yourself that you are awesome over and over again until you believe it?
> 
> So another catch is..... you must be realistic about what you think about yourself. But that's just it.... what the hell is realistic?



The thing is that, everyone has strenghts and weaknesses. I personally believe that even though we all have limitations, we all have strenghts, that we must feed to make them part of our identity. For example," I am a compehensive person." You have to feed that quality of yours, make it a strength, so you will love that part of yourself. You will recongnize what's good of you, and for that reason you will start admiring yourself, realizing that you are valuable, that you make a contribution to this world. If we only focus on our weaknesses, how are we suppossed to start loving ourselves if we don't see what's good on us? That's why, feeding our strengths and realizing our weaknesses is something that should never been done separatedly.

Keep on thinking on more alternatives people!!


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## jasonm (May 24, 2010)

Thanks, thehigher. 



thehigher said:


> K I first want to ask you. Have you always been like this? In your dark moments..... what were you like? I don’t mean to be rude but I sometimes wonder if these people that seem so good at making sense of life are just plain smarter than me lol.


I’m not exactly clear what you’re asking me here. Have I always been like what? 
I’ll try to answer what I think you’re getting at. In my dark moments or rather years I was much like many of the people living through dark times – prone to depression, addictions, and low self-esteem, had a pessimistic outlook on life, was very manipulative, very vulnerable, very sensitive, and emotionally explosive. I was somewhat suicidal as early as middle school. My first court date was in the 6th grade; my first time in juvenile hall was in the seventh grade. I fought regularly throughout my youth, and stole and lied and deceived. I started smoking regularly by the fifth grade, smoking pot often by the sixth, drinking often by the seventh, and by the time I was sixteen I had tried numerous hard drugs, including mushrooms, acid, cocaine, meth, and even heroin once. Though there is an obvious gradual build up illustrated here, it’s important to note that the period of time in which I did all of the heavy drugs I’ve ever done in my life was only around three to six months and I was only sixteen. I quickly hit rock-bottom, and at sixteen was at the lowest point of my psychological life. I accepted help from relatives and went to live with them in another state. I stayed for eight months, working instead of attending school. During this time I developed a certain integrity which has since served as a foundation upon which I would never drop below again, even as those around me would. This early encounter with my ‘dark side’ and victory over it has continued to give me strength and insight throughout my life. As I mentioned, I never went back into heavy drugs. By the time I was 18 I had quit fighting, getting drunk, hanging around in destructive relationships, doing heavy drugs (I say ‘heavy’ because I smoked pot for many years after this time, though I have not for several years) and seized a host of other self-destructive behaviors. You can say that if one light on a strand goes out then it affects the whole strand, making other lights short out too; similarly, the opposite is also true, turning one light back on can affect the whole strand, making other lights turn on too. In this idea, my lacking of self-esteem, etc, caused or was a result of other issues. For example, I had a pretty traumatic childhood which definitely contributed to my early troubles. My father was a pretty wicked guy, and since as far back as I can remember I saw him this way. Thus the one person who really should have been there to serve as my protector, my role model, and my teacher became a threat, an enemy, a very bad role model, and a very good teacher about what not to do. Part of my early strength came from not wanting to be like him, despite our many similarities. As I got older, that early rage and rebellion morphed into other things like severe depression, low self-esteem, pessimism, unfulfilled longings, periods of stale life, shame, etc. All of which I have been through and overcame, becoming a much better person through all of my struggles. Anyways, I could write a book on what life was like in my dark moments, so I’ll leave it at that, as this is not the place to write about it all. 

As to your wondering if people that seem to be better than you at making sense of life are just smarter than you, I’d have to say that maybe they’ve just been through different experiences then you that allowed or forced them to make sense of some things about life before you – does that mean they’re smarter? I don’t think so. Does that mean that you’ll never make sense of them? No, I don’t believe so. You seem like an exceptionally smart person and someone committed to personal growth. I think you’ve expressed some deep insights into this topic of self-esteem. J



thehigher said:


> About your post. K so you mentioned that developing our “skills” is a key factor for strong self esteem. What have you learned in terms of skills personally? . . . You find ENFP’s and ENFJ’s are quite often VERY happy people where as INFJ’s and INFP’s seem quite melancholic. I would assume the reason may have something to do with this.


Great question. To clarify, I’m referring to social skills. These are our skills that we bring into social experiences of all shapes and sizes – the degree to which we can assert ourselves when necessary, the level of confidence we carry in our mannerisms, our ability to communicate effectively and respectively, the way we handle pressure and others’ expectations, among many other things. These are each areas I’ve had to ‘learn’ to improve on. As thehigher mentioned in one of his submissions to this thread, connecting to people is a wonderful thing and brings great positive energy into our lives’. I believe this connection is especially significant for INFs who usually really need more good social connection. I think that as INFs, if we can learn some of these extroverted strengths we can be very influential in expressing ourselves, our ideals, and our dreams to the world; and is this not something we each strive to do, we dream to do? So putting ourselves in challenging social situations is important, whether they be through school, work, volunteering, community groups, etc. The more social we become, while respecting our need for privacy too, the more confident and balanced we become; our self-esteem can rise, our ideals can be expressed perhaps even appreciated, and maybe at the end of the day we can honestly say that we did our best to make the world a better place, at least for someone. Ultimately, if we don’t reach out and touch others with our lives, then our ideals, our dreams, and our passions will come to serve no one but ourselves; and I know that no NF wants that to be the outcome of our life. 



thehigher said:


> “If there is something about us that we want to change then we have to transform, overcome, or conquer it, not repress it, be a victim of it, or let it defeat us”. This sounds very insightful and I really really like it. However, going about this seems as if it would be immensely easier said than done. .....


Yes, it is much easier said than done. However, the trick is to get the ball rolling in the right direction and deal with each bump as you come to it. Yes, you’ll struggle a times, maybe even need someone to help push, but once you get the ball rolling in the direction you’ve set for yourself little is going to be able to stand in your way for long. It all starts with our will. Are we willing to face the challenges life throws at us? Are we willing to face the challenges within ourselves to become the person we want to be? No one expects as much out of us in life as we do ourselves; we're the only ones who have to look back at our life when it’s over and judge how we did. (Tuesdays with Morie is a great book about this idea)



thehigher said:


> ..... I am lacking some sort of value system. Which brings me to ask you.... what is it that you believe?


Is this not a deeply personal question to ask an INFP? lol You ask tough questions of which I don’t know how to answer, and some of which only you can answer for yourself. I think it’s great that you’re asking them however. The best I can say is that if a certain spiritual tradition works for you then that’s probably something good for you. Personally, I’ve not found any one religion that I felt I wanted to be part of the in-group. Now, I have found a lot of guidance, insight, and strength from various religious ideas and philosophy; specifically, Eastern religions like Buddhism, Taoism, and Hinduism each of which is not widely practiced in my culture. But more than from the actual scriptures, I’ve been mostly influenced by the willingness of the people of these faiths – or those who have ventured off to understand them – to share their insights in a way that speaks to people outside the faiths, if you get what I mean, pass on the wisdom. I’ve always been inspired by people of one faith or another, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, the Dali Lama, authors of various books I’ve read, people I’ve known, etc. That they found a home in their tradition that worked well for them is a great thing, and I’m happy that they did. So, I say, if one faith works well for you, then that’s a great thing. But more importantly than a religious dogma, living a good life is ultimately what it’s about. My awareness that throughout religions’ history they have been used to manipulate, wage war, oppress, in slave, and control people perhaps has turned me off from participating in them. Maybe the idealist in me wishes there was a way around religion. Perhaps, the course of my personal path through life has resulted in me not allowing myself to be so influenced by religious authorities that I felt beholden to one or another. Maybe this will change as I get older, but, currently, I don’t feel I need a specific religion in my life to know that I’m on the right path. The world doesn’t need more religion as much as it needs more humility. Thus, I think a spiritual life can be lived outside the confines of religion. As to establishing a value system that works best for you, thehigher, I can only say that your intuitions and your heart are the best guides for you. If you need guidance then to seek it out is an honorable thing to do. Looking east helped me.:happy: Namaste


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## Atenza Coltheart (Apr 19, 2010)

As life goes on, I'm feeling pretty good about my self esteem. I've come to cherish many parts of myself that I feel horrible for denying, myself at times. But I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself! Somethings I'm still trying to accept, but I think I'm coming to meet an understanding with myself slowly. But I find it as a fun experience! :3 It's going slowly.


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## Angel1412kaitou (Mar 30, 2010)

I scored -2 on the self-esteem test, lol. So, not very good, I suppose.


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## Antithesis (May 10, 2010)

I've got three female friends who are INFPs:

One was bulimic for years.

Another one comfort eats to the point that she is obese.

One is planning to get married after knowing the guy for a few months, and she's serious. He's the first guy whose shown serious committed interest in her.

Two have made friends with, and later slept with, guys who were underage - both the guys were 15 and the girls 18. Again, first guys to show interest in them.

Conversely the INFP guy I know is totally content with himself as far as I can see. it just seems to be the girls who have these issues...


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

I just read that NFPs are the most common types to have eating disorders.


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## Sizzorhandz (Jan 25, 2010)

I wish I werent so introverted, I think it might be easier to connect with other people if I could find my way out of my own contemplations and thoughts in my head. But, when you start talking and noone is listening, they just start talking over you, why not just say it in your head when it pretty much amounts to the same thing.


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## Nasmoe (Nov 11, 2009)

On a scale of 1 to 10 I would probably say 6 mainly because I have a problem with being social.


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## owlet (May 7, 2010)

My self esteem is much better than it used to be :happy: I'm not a very confident person, but I'm better about asking for things and feeling I'm worth a bit more.


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## Kalifornia310 (Jan 7, 2010)

what self esteem?! lol i think highly of myself but then i dont, its a complex mix of emotions. some used as defenses, others used as ego boosting. 


but yeah... im not deserving of alot of things and feel fortunate of many things, even to be allowed into peoples lives is a gift.. a privalege.


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## RhapsodicChord (Jun 16, 2010)

My self-esteem is pretty healthy. I do have my moments were I do get anxious, but that's what great friends are for. They know that I have my moments and can usually calm me down. I just honestly need to have affirmed at times.


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## suicidal_orange (May 6, 2010)

My self esteem sucks - as soon as I want to know someone better I go so far out of my way to appologise for all the strange behaviors I think I have in advance that they get scared and become ever more distant. I assume they have something better to do than contact me and I don't try to arrange to do anything with anyone, or even invite anyone when I'm going alone. Yet it's very rare I refuse an invitation, even if the destination wouldn't be somewhere I'd choose to be. 

Sounds so screwed up when written down, but that is where I'm at now - it can only improve!


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## Kalifornia310 (Jan 7, 2010)

asmit127 said:


> I assume they have something better to do than contact me and I don't try to arrange to do anything with anyone, or even invite anyone when I'm going alone. Yet it's very rare I refuse an invitation, even if the destination wouldn't be somewhere I'd choose to be.
> 
> Sounds so screwed up when written down, but that is where I'm at now - it can only improve!



okay.. does this mean my self esteem sucks!?! cuz yeah idk.. this is exactly how i am, I almost never arrange anything, but i never turn down an invitation, even if i dont like where we are going. 

but i can switch your frown upside down! 

first off.. you dont like to arrange things or invite, because we only go or hang out when were needed. so when someone calls you up, or they invite you. that means they want to hang out with your and they need you. 

and the destination doesnt really matter because your there to connect with the person not the environment. I could be at the hottest club in hollywood with a friend. or sitting on a rock with that friend. and i would have just as much fun with either environment. 

and yes for optimism!!!!!


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

I always assume people are mad at me or that I must have done something to provoke their bad mood. My assumptions really cause a lot of damage to my self-esteem and usually they are unfounded.


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## suicidal_orange (May 6, 2010)

Kalifornia310 said:


> okay.. does this mean my self esteem sucks!?!


It's self esteem, how you see/feel about yourself. If you're fine with being this way your self esteem is fine - I'm not.




Kalifornia310 said:


> so *when* someone calls you up, or they invite you that means they want to hang out with your and they need you.


Indeed, when they call. Trouble is, I've only had one person actually want to spend time with me (that is, just me) so far this year and they didn't need me. I really don't know why she did it... 

I get invited to birthdays and the like and even got invited to lunch once (because I sent an ambiguous e-mail so was considered psychic...), but other than that I spend endless nights home alone. A month ago I'd have said I was happy with this but not anymore. I got my sense of worth from helping people at work and now that's gone so has my happiness.

But this is not being very optimistic :tongue:


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## Kalifornia310 (Jan 7, 2010)

asmit127 said:


> It's self esteem, how you see/feel about yourself. If you're fine with being this way your self esteem is fine - I'm not.
> 
> 
> Indeed, when they call. Trouble is, I've only had one person actually want to spend time with me (that is, just me) so far this year and they didn't need me. I really don't know why she did it...
> ...


DUDE! your just like my roommate, shes an ENFJ, whose just down in her spirits and worth! 

you need a damn hug!!! ::HUG::


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Not so healthy.


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## semeface (Aug 5, 2014)

to the lowest one since being bullied. I'm totally have no idea what is my true self and try to please everyone because I'm afraid to be hated again


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## Silverdawn (Jun 28, 2014)

It's horribly low.

I'm working on it though. I realize that my low self-esteem can push people away. It's understandable though, especially if you're stubborn when it comes to hating yourself.


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## derlierina (Aug 5, 2014)

Well...I hate almost everything about myself. My body, my hair, my personality... The only think I love about myself is my face...but I'm so shy I can't use my face as my advantage...like, never. People somethimes think of me as ugly but when they look closer, they say: "Wow, you are actually pretty!" My shyness is like anti makeup! :tongue:


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## bubblePOP (Aug 8, 2014)

Hmn, I kind of put on an act that I have high self-esteem, when in reality it's not necessarily low as I've learned to love myself, but it could definitely use some improvement.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

I believe it's healthy- not sure about high or low bc i don't really give much thoughts into it . I believe and trusts in myself / I'm not easily offended , I'm proud of what I achieved so far - I'm quite happy with myself but of course there are still many aspect about me that needs to be improve and I still have lots to learn but all in general healthy


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## pond (Nov 8, 2013)

It's probably the healthiest and highest it's ever been and it feels nice. Still get some hiccups every now and then but it's good overall.


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## marmott_e (Aug 19, 2014)

Pretty low.Although i can easily see through other people qualities i'm having a hard time doing it for myself.
It has been definitly lower but i still have a pretty low self-esteem and only view the negatives things about me.


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## ENFPhedgehog (Aug 20, 2014)

Low, constantly. I know rationally there is no reason for me to feel so bad about myself- I am not as awful as I make myself out to be... but I FEEL like I am worthless. Part of it, I think, is I am a fish and have been judged for so long on my ability to climb trees that I am convinced that I am a dirtbag because I can't really climb trees (although I can fake it from time to time). I have battled with depression off and on, and I sometimes wish that I could just feel what I cognitively know to be true- I am a pretty decent human being. Also, I measure myself against what I know the possibilities are, and I just can't seem to get to the top.


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## omgyjya Switch7 (Feb 21, 2014)

It's not healthy. I have an extremely unbalanced view of myself. I go from thinking I'm better than everybody to the absolute worst person on the planet. I can switch back and forth between the two multiple times within the same day. I wouldn't know if this has much to do with MBTI, though. I'm pretty sure this stems from my mother's treatment of my sister and me. We were either the most perfect children under the sun, or the absolute worst, most selfish brats to ever walk the planet. I really couldn't tell you if I'm a good or bad person, but the concept of there being something in between the two actually eludes me entirely.


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## ENFPhedgehog (Aug 20, 2014)

omgyjya Switch7 said:


> It's not healthy. I have an extremely unbalanced view of myself. I go from thinking I'm better than everybody to the absolute worst person on the planet. I can switch back and forth between the two multiple times within the same day.


hugs- I know EXACTLY what you mean... hero to zero and back in one second... logically I can look at what I have done- in a cold way, as though pretending to objectively evaluate someone else- and see I am ok, but still feel like I must certainly be the most worthless, stupid, fat, slow, undisciplined, lazy person who ever lived. Or that I am better because I can see everything in my head and the rest of you slackers just cannot keep up- but I am worthless for thinking that way...

Interestingly my mother had a very similar perspective concerning my brother (INFP) and I.


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## ENFPhedgehog (Aug 20, 2014)

semeface said:


> to the lowest one since being bullied. I'm totally have no idea what is my true self and try to please everyone because I'm afraid to be hated again


Care to elaborate? You certainly are not hated here... It is a wonderfully safe place that is helping me immensely


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## ksmm101 (Aug 23, 2014)

Due to my soul searching it has been brought to my awareness that my self esteem is pretty bad even though I can hide it. I have this constant emotional hurt that was lingering over the years and majority of the time is faint, but still there. Still don't know what it is or how to get rid of it.

At times i feel like I have low self worth, constantly looking for reinsurance, want to be recognized and acknowledged, and at times I even lack confidence.

I had a pretty dysfunctional childhood and both my parents had their "issues." My mom is mentally ill and my dad suffered from PSD due to him being in a war. Neither of them where fit to have a child or raise me. I been neglected and mentally and verbally abused so at this point I know where it stems from.

I try to cope with it the best way I can but my life is an emotional roller coaster, one day I'm happy then I'm back in my slump, then back up again.

It's manageable for the most part but not as of lately. I have been studying myself and "digging deep" to find the answers and finally get rid of whatever not serving me but it put me in such a deep mental state that I'm having a hard time getting out. I have been over thinking and analyzing so much that everything just confuses me at this point.

I know I need to reprogram my mind. Practice mindfulness and all that good stuff but the first steps are always the hardest. At least I'm here making a conscious decision to take control over my life.

My 2 cents


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