# Men: Your thoughts on periods/PMS



## crazyeddie (Oct 19, 2011)

viva said:


> 1) In your previous or current relationships, did you notice a difference in your partner's behavior while she was PMSing or on her period?
> 
> 2) Is this something you are sympathetic towards, or do you believe women use PMS or their periods as an excuse to be bitches? (I find this is a very common belief among men.)
> 
> 3) Is there anything you have always wondered about PMS or periods that you don't understand?


Well, I think "ow, my uterus hurts" was surprisingly explanatory. I think a good part of it is all in how you present it.


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## knittigan (Sep 2, 2011)

Manhattan said:


> Can anyone compare menstrual pain to something I can relate to? I've heard that it feels like a fishhook spinning around your uterus. The problem is that I don't have a uterus, and if I did I wouldn't put fishhooks in it. So please, any realistic comparisons?


It's really hard to explain exactly what it feels like if you've never felt pain internally before. Trigger-y stuff under the cut: 


* *




I’ll preface this with the fact that I seriously suspect that I suffer from endometriosis (good luck ever getting that diagnosed!) and also that I do not toss around the ‘r word’ lightly, but the menstrual cramps I get during the first two days are so bad that it literally feels like I am getting raped with a knife. And those are just the sharp pains that make me want to puke.


 There’s also just a constant heaviness/pressure in my pelvic area as well as _constant_, rhythmic muscle cramps for about 48 hours that feel like the worst charley horse you can possibly imagine and you have no way to stretch it out, just as @Elyasis mentioned. The cramps get so bad that I will literally break out into a cold sweat and start panicking (“make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop”) because I don’t even know how to process that much pain. It sounds melodramatic, but I’m incredibly sympathetic to people who have to live with chronic pain. If I had to deal with pain of that magnitude indefinitely without any hope of respite, I would kill myself. Full stop. And I'll emphasise again that that is another something that I don't toss around lightly.

Birth control pills help somewhat, but I seriously have to medicate myself round the clock for 48 hours in order to remain functional. Before I started doing that, I consistently missed school because I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even get out of bed.



Fizz said:


> Not really. It's not like regular horny, *it's a hyper horny that wants to get the egg that your body just released impregnated. Even if you do relieve yourself with an orgasm, you'll need to do it again and again* during this time. As some other females have brought up, they continue to be horny during the period bleeding itself. The contractions caused by orgasms also slough off more uterus causing even more blood to come out. It's kind of a huge mess.


So true. It’s like there’s some kind of demon wreaking havoc with your hormones. I’m not even kidding, it’s like being possessed or something. During the first two days, I literally cannot look at another person without imagining them getting busy in the general region of my crotch. It’s very distracting and it makes me feel like a completely reprehensible excuse for a human being.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

knittigan said:


> So true. It’s like there’s some kind of demon wreaking havoc with your hormones. I’m not even kidding, it’s like being possessed or something. During the first two days, I literally cannot look at another person without imagining them getting busy in the general region of my crotch. It’s very distracting and it makes me feel like a completely reprehensible excuse for a human being.


Since the birth control pill removes ovulation, I've lucked out and don't have to experience that anymore (or until I stop using the pill). I remember staring at people and finding them more attractive. If they were male, I would gaze at their secondary features in a dream-like haze. Facial stubble, strong jaw, chest hair, etc. I've been on birth control for years, so it's been a while since I had to go through that.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

You Sir Name said:


> Okay, I've only read the first page of this thread, but it had me concerned with myself: Apparently, I don't PMS. And my periods don't affect me at all, as far as emotions go.
> I'm a very sensitive person, I feel a lot, I'm fairly reactionary, so it surprises me that apparently I'm alone in not experiencing what apparently most women experience.
> 
> The only PMS symptoms I get are sore boobs, and sometimes just general soreness, like in my shoulders and knees, but this doesn't affect my mood at all. I'm as likely to be happy and sad during PMS as I am any other time.
> ...


You sound like me! With fewer symptoms. 

My cramps affect my mood. Because come on, when you're sitting at your desk and your waistband of your pants is pressing RIGHT where it hurts, who isn't going to be more irritable? It's not noticeable though. But like you, my cramps only last for a few hours. Like today, I started my period. I was in class when the cramps were affecting me, and I hate class so I think I may have been more irritable because of the cramps. When I finally got home and ate, I felt better because I wasn't in an environment that pissed me off. But like, it's not like I was bitching at people or anything. I was thinking more irritable thoughts in my head, but I wasn't _acting_ like a bitch. I didn't act any different.

I may feel slightly more emotional as well, but not to the point where I am pissed one minute then crying the next or whatever. I don't think people can tell when I'm on my period just by observing my actions. 

I only cramp on the first day or the first two days. If they're bad the first day, I won't cramp the second day. Sometimes I do have cramps that confine me to my bed for a few hours, but after that... that's the end of it. All I have to worry about for the next four or five days is making sure I change my pad or tampon. 

I'm twenty and have never been pregnant, which may have something to do with it. My grandma always suffered horrid periods from what she told me, even before she got pregnant. My mom is more private about the issue, but I know now she has to take birth control to keep her periods normal, as she used to have two weeks of bleeding and one week of PMS symptoms. So I don't think it's genetics. 

I don't really want to attribute it to MBTI, but I am an INTP and there have been similar discussions about how periods don't affect NT women as much as they affect other types.


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## luxurieux (Aug 11, 2011)

I usually lose my appetite for the duration of my period. It's not even that my stomach hurts the whole time, but it's more like I have this uncomfortable feeling in my gut that won't go away and makes the thought of eating seem repulsive. The cramps can get pretty bad, but I take Midol as often as I can to try and negate them before they even occur. Most of the time it works, but sometimes, no. And I can get lower back pain on occasion. And acne can sometimes pop up. Those annoying ones under the skin that hurt like f*cking hell. 

I never really noticed it until recently, but I do have some slight fluctuation in my moods. Not enough to be extremely noticeable, but I am slightly more angsty while PMSing. 

Love how this thread is just a bunch of women talking about their periods and guys just... I dunno, being guys.


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## geekofalltrades (Feb 8, 2012)

*In your previous or current relationships, did you notice a difference in your partner's behavior while she was PMSing or on her period?*
The first girlfriend I had at college had abnormally long periods (six, seven, eight days), and I always noticed that, while she was on her period, she was a bit of an emotional wreck. She cried often and easily about things that wouldn't have bothered her at other times of the month, and became very clingy and very needy for comfort and physical affection. I generally keep this private, but one of the greatest sources of shame in my life is the realization that I _liked_ it when she went on her period. It made me feel very strong and masculine, being able to provide a shoulder to cry on, and soft words and a soft touch when she seemed to need me so badly. That wasn't a particularly healthy relationship; I'm glad I ended it when I did. (She had started birth control, and was thinking [finally; after seven months of dating] about sex. We were extremely X-ratedly intimate, but never had actual intercourse; it would have complicated things horribly.)

*Is this something you are sympathetic towards, or do you believe women use PMS or their periods as an excuse to be bitches? (I find this is a very common belief among men.)*
I belong a bit to both camps in this case. On the one hand, I recognize that there are some hormonal shifts going on, and that she isn't always in as much control of her own emotions as either of us might like. I also know that it can be quite painful: a friend I had in high school used to say that her periods felt like someone was scraping out her uterus with a spoon. But, on the other hand, I have chronic back pain, which ranges in degree from annoying to crippling, and I don't allow it to turn me into an irrational ass.

*Is there anything you have always wondered about PMS or periods that you don't understand?*
No.


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Period pains for me feel not too different from growing pains at times, but a bit different (less like I can't find a comfortable temperature) and like they affect me more/are more intense in a different way - I think because they're abdominal/in my thighs it doesn't help that (they feel more connected to other parts of my body), and there are accompanying symptoms - physical/emotional/mental tiredness, emotions coming up unexpectedly so I'll react more strongly to things, nausea, hot/cold flushes, bloatedness. Taxing is a good word too - just trying to make toast if they're bad/at the worst point in the week I'll have to do it step by step and get exhausted after each step ie get bread, sit down, put bread in toaster, sit down, get spreads/knife, sit down, put spread on toast and go back to bed. Hot water bottles help - it is intense mucle cramp after all - imagine tensing and then relaxing a muscle constantly for several hours/days, plus your body having to process lots of hormones - so maybe a new medication. Plus there's the sensation of blood leaving your body in noticeable quantities, not fun if a lump of lining comes out - it just -really weird-. IBS is also fairly common as far as I've heard - diarrhea basically. When they start to ease off you just want to lie down/be warm and not do much other than watch tv with your mum curled up under a blanket/doze.

I've had periods which have made me want to die before I went on the pill, it seems very extream for muscle cramp, which surprises me. I also used to find when it was really bad, that if I got a sense of being able to direct myself to either pain, being sick, or crying, the other two symptoms would decrease for a period. The body is weird...I can only presume I would be using up hormones causing the sensations. It feels a little weird to use the pill, the pain was so intense it felt kind of like something I was meant to go through, and it was a good reminder to be greatful for living in a pain free body most of the time - the relief/peace is like no other when the pain starts to leave. My mum says by the looks and sounds of it I've experienced the kind of pain women go through in labour. Again, for someone to feel this unprevoked by the environment/a baby being pushed out of you...is very surprising. The body is a powerful thing.


I think it's genetic, though it can skip generations/it's like the chances of a certain physical characteristic being passed on. Both my grandma's had awful periods - one had to get an early hysterectomy -, as did one of my aunts, though my mum didn't.

Now I take the pill, it's kind've just like another part of my life. I'd be interested in hearing more about male hormonal cycles, though it doesn't seem like there's been much study into that.


Maybe periods are like a cross between growing pains and anything from a headache to a migraine (the kind that has you throwing up and seeing real life things like Picassio painted them)...Atleast for me.


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## LQ9 (Jul 24, 2010)

Wow. Reading some of this stuff has deepened MY understanding of periods.

When mine comes I get a benign case of the grouchies, one day of lessened appetite plus a mild backache, and then the standard bleeding inconveniences. Basically not a big deal in any way. Getting it is even kind of comforting--makes me feel alive.

I feel blessed and I'm so sorry for anybody who has to deal with the really horrible things that have been posted. It's beyond me why a natural body process has to be so awful for some people.


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## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

They curl up into a little ball and complain that it feels like someone is stabbing them. 

I just get annoyed with the fact that they all say, "you don't know what this feels like" cause I will never know. However, I still want to say, getting hit in the balls is worse. However, it's a lot shorter, and doesn't last days lol.


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## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

Well, I can't speak for all men but my boyfriends/ex boyfriends have been very kind to me while I was having my period. My boyfriend understands it's one of the most painful things in the world for me. He's seen me double over in pain, be unable to eat anything or keep down anything when I do eat, and the bleeding goes on for a week. You get dehydrated often, you want to eat unhealthy fried and carbohydrate-y stuff but you know it'll just make your cramps worse, painkillers make you woozy and give you a headache, and the sheer discomfort of having to check every few hours whether it's time to change or not can put you in a bad mood. I am always close to tears during my period and just before it. I'm also supremely horny, easily angered, tearful, aggressive, irritated, argumentative and downright miserable, and I can be all these in the space of an hour. 
My father thinks it is ridiculous and I just need to "train" my "mind" to accept what my body is going through. But over all these years I've noticed a definite shift in my mood while on my period and it's not something I seem to be able to control. Even the periods that go off seemingly easy, and I feel like I've handled well, I find myself snapping more or saying things I'd never say otherwise.
I don't use my periods as an excuse to be manipulative towards my friends or boyfriend, but I do expect my boyfriend to cut me some slack.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

What are the best ways a man (I assume lesbians would have some idea already, and by men I'm referring to any male-bodied and identified individual who is attracted to female-bodied individuals) can help his female partner whilst she goes through this?


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## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

donkeybals said:


> They curl up into a little ball and complain that it feels like someone is stabbing them.


It feels exactly like that. And the pain comes in waves. It's not a long dulled pain. It's a stabbing that comes and goes, and the times when it's gone you feel like you can relax again but before you know it it's back again.
We double over because only by putting some pressure on that area do we get some relief. Like holding something against it or placing a heating pad or hot water bottle... Something to function like a massage for the lower tummy. 
Plus it's downright uncomfortable to have all that wetness flowing out of you, especially if it's heavier than you expect, or has clots.


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## knittigan (Sep 2, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> What are the best ways a man (I assume lesbians would have some idea already, and by men I'm referring to *any male-bodied and identified individual who is attracted to female-bodied individuals*) can help his female partner whilst she goes through this?


Feminist is _so_ impressed. Moving on:

It's going to really vary between women, so a lot of time it's just a matter of being mature about it and genuinely wanting to help her. In the beginning, that means figuring out what she wants. Most women will really appreciate it if you are kind and sympathetic enough to ask something like that because it's a really mature way to handle it. We know that you don't understand and won't ever understand what we're going through, but we appreciate it if you care. Don't make her feel like a leper or like her body's natural functions are something disgusting or dirty that she has to hide. Be open to discussing what she's going through and how it makes her feel if she decides that she wants to talk to you about it.

If she's being sort of touchy about things that wouldn't normally bother her, just drop the subject and move on. Pointing out to us that we're being far more emotional than usual is not helpful because we usually know it. If you think we're not acting like ourselves, try imagining how _not_ like ourselves we _feel_. If whatever set her off is important, bring it up in a few days when she's acting more like herself and she'll probably be more than happy to have the conversation.

If she looks like she's in pain, ask her if you can get her anything or if there's anything she wants. She might not want anything and what she wants will probably be different than what your sister wants or your ex-girlfriend wants, etc. She might want chocolate, she might want some tea, she might want a massage, she might want painkillers, she might want a heating pad, she might want to take a bath, she might want to sit on the couch by herself and watch a sappy movie and cry until she pukes.

These are just off the top of my head and things that are applicable to me personally, so it's by no means exhaustive.

Personally, when I have my period there is nothing that irritates me more than when my roommate comes home and makes a mess in the kitchen and doesn't clean up after herself. This always bothers me because it's thoughtless and inconsiderate and unnecessary, but when I have my period, it makes me so angry that I want to throw her clothes off our balcony into the street below and change the lock on the door. Maybe it drives her crazy when you leave the toilet seat up in the bathroom. Paying attention to little things like that can really help, too, and even if she doesn't actively show appreciation for them, it makes a really big difference in our day when we can just be feeling crappy and not be feeling crappy and also rage-filled.

Not all women get emotional and/or clingy when they're menstruating, but if she does, make an effort to pay a little more attention to her than usual. Even if you can't literally spend time with her because you're busy with work or school or whatever, shoot her a text and ask her how she's feeling or if she needs anything.

If she doesn't get clingy, give her the space that she wants.


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