# Well, there goes my one and only friend.



## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

I've lost all hope with humanity... I'll just stop trying. Don't want sympathy, just thought I'd throw this out here.


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## gammagon (Aug 8, 2012)

I see no one who is asking for advice, or giving a good description of the situation for that matter. But in response to your vague statement: why don't you just make more friends if you desire them so much?


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

gammagon said:


> I see no one who is asking for advice, or giving a good description of the situation for that matter. But in response to your vague statement: why don't you just make more friends if you desire them so much?


Fine, I'll put some details about this 'friend':

- I've known this friend for 5 years.
- He used to be nice.
- Turns out he was merely tolerating me these past months.
- Revealed his true thoughts; literally wished for me to die.
- Shit happened.

Sorry, but I'm not comfortable sharing more than that.

I don't desire friends because I hate people. I'm a social anomaly, the kind that won't fit in anywhere. Hopefully this was enough information for you. 
Also, I can't make friends just by wanting to, I suck at that. Lots of people give this superficial vibe that I can't seem to imitate. In essence, friends just make life more complicated, their only valuable use is to get me out of my ruts of melancholy. 
Part of why I was so fascinated by psychology was to be able to understand what internal processes made these people act the way they did; yet, with all this information I've gathered, I can't really put it to use now that I'm completely disengaging from social pursuits. 

I realize that since there's no advice that can be given, this thread serves no purpose. Let this thread die. Screw people.


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## gammagon (Aug 8, 2012)

Please excuse me, I am slightly intoxicated atm.



confuddled said:


> Sorry, but I'm not comfortable sharing more than that.


Okay.



confuddled said:


> I don't desire friends because I hate people...The kind that won't fit in anywhere.


Me too. Are you upset because you feel betrayed by this "friend" of yours?



confuddled said:


> Hopefully this was enough information for you.


Not really but I suppose it will have to do.



confuddled said:


> Also, I can't make friends just by wanting to, I suck at that.


I was hopeful. But really I am the same way.



confuddled said:


> In essence, friends just make life more complicated, their only valuable use is to get me out of my ruts of melancholy.


Yes, I agree.



confuddled said:


> I realize that since there's no advice that can be given, this thread serves no purpose. Let this thread die. Screw people.


Now wait just a moment, that's not true. I will probably revisit this thread in the morning when I am more sober. There could be a way. Did you possibly change at all in the past few months where he wished death on you? Into something he doesn't like or agree with?


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## Kelsay (Mar 4, 2012)

I don't think you truly feel this way, in a permanent sense. I think you're hurt and upset. I think your true thoughts about your circumstances are being diluded by the way you feel currently. Hence the, 
"I can't make friends just by wanting to, I suck at that." and the,
"In essence, friends just make life more complicated, their only valuable use is to get me out of my ruts of melancholy."


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

To put things in perspective, a good portion of our conversations involved me being a moody cunt. This friend also has a life of his own that I'm intrusive to. 



gammagon said:


> Are you upset because you feel betrayed by this "friend" of yours?


Pretty much. On multiple occasions I've asked him if he's okay with me dumping all my problems on him, and if he'd prefer it if I stopped, but he assured that he was completely fine with it. Lately he starts rambling about how I take a lot, but don't give much back, assuming that I depend on him too much despite not having talked in over a month, negating his sincerity. I sent messages to him involving lots of profanity; must have given him the impression that I was desperate to talk to him. 



gammagon said:


> Did you possibly change at all in the past few months where he wished death on you? Into something he doesn't like or agree with?


I've become very negative and harsh in my mannerisms; this coupled with my whiny rambling, I can understand why he doesn't want to bother. Basically, he finds me a nuisance, and previous instances where he told me he actually cared about my problems was a lie. Does this sound like a friend? Don't think so.
He's perfectly fine neglecting me and can toss me away without much thought. What he wants from me is what he gave, unfortunately he can't understand that I don't like acting like someone else, especially if it's for shallow motives like "morality points".

I'll try talking to the bastard again on Sunday. This will be a decisive confabulation, determining the prolongation of our friendship, or its permanent end.

I'm completely open to how I may be at fault in the matter.


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

Kelsay said:


> I don't think you truly feel this way, in a permanent sense. I think you're hurt and upset. I think your true thoughts about your circumstances are being diluded by the way you feel currently. Hence the,
> "I can't make friends just by wanting to, I suck at that." and the,
> "In essence, friends just make life more complicated, their only valuable use is to get me out of my ruts of melancholy."


Actually, those are my honest thoughts extricated from my current emotions. These thoughts stemmed from a long history of circumstances that enforced my social inadequacy, it's not like I'm assuming no one can possibly love me because I was dumped or something. If I wanted an abundance of friends I'd have to undergo cognitive permutation.


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## WhiteTulips (Sep 28, 2012)

Sounds like a shitty situation. Best friend relationships can be some of the most intimate, so it makes sense that you feel down about yourself. It is a breakup like any other. Sending my support, for what it's worth.


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## gammagon (Aug 8, 2012)

Kelsay said:


> I don't think you truly feel this way, in a permanent sense. I think you're hurt and upset. I think your true thoughts about your circumstances are being diluded by the way you feel currently. Hence the,
> "I can't make friends just by wanting to, I suck at that." and the,
> "In essence, friends just make life more complicated, their only valuable use is to get me out of my ruts of melancholy."


I agree.




confuddled said:


> previous instances where he told me he actually cared about my problems was a lie. Does this sound like a friend? Don't think so.


Well I can see myself kind of being too intimidated to say otherwise.




confuddled said:


> I'll try talking to the bastard again on Sunday. This will be a decisive confabulation, determining the prolongation of our friendship, or its permanent end.


I think things could work out, try to be a little humble towards him and they just might.


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

confuddled said:


> Pretty much. On multiple occasions I've asked him if he's okay with me dumping all my problems on him, and if he'd prefer it if I stopped, but he assured that he was completely fine with it. Lately he starts rambling about how I take a lot, but don't give much back, assuming that I depend on him too much despite not having talked in over a month, negating his sincerity. I sent messages to him involving lots of profanity; must have given him the impression that I was desperate to talk to him.


Just wondering, but what would happen if he did have a problem with it or told you that it was burdening him too much? In your relationship with him, what did you bring to the table to support him or what was the nature of your other interactions?



> I've become very negative and harsh in my mannerisms; this coupled with my whiny rambling, I can understand why he doesn't want to bother. Basically, he finds me a nuisance, and previous instances where he told me he actually cared about my problems was a lie. Does this sound like a friend? Don't think so.
> He's perfectly fine neglecting me and can toss me away without much thought. *What he wants from me is what he gave, unfortunately he can't understand that I don't like acting like someone else, especially if it's for shallow motives like "morality points".*
> 
> I'll try talking to the bastard again on Sunday. This will be a decisive confabulation, determining the prolongation of our friendship, or its permanent end.
> ...


I'm a bit confused at the part I bolded. So he wants you to listen to his problems and support him as well, but you don't want to do that because it isn't true to yourself? Is that accurate at all?

What are "morality points"?


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

stephiphi said:


> Just wondering, but what would happen if he did have a problem with it or told you that it was burdening him too much? In your relationship with him, what did you bring to the table to support him or what was the nature of your other interactions?


He's already conceded that he has a problem with it. I forgot if I mentioned this already, but I didn't talk to him for a month prior to him admitting this. 
It seems once a month is too much for him, and I have a pretty good feeling why this may be:
-He has a strenuous school life that occupies a lot of his time.
-A better life of his own.
-I'm of little priority to his ambitions.
-As stated above, no longer cares about my problems/dealing with me because I'm too "needy".

Other interactions are just casual; we talk about things that interest us, exchange information, etc. The whole reason we became friends in the first place was because of mutual interests. Back then when we could talk in person, I'd talk about my perspective/observations concerning a myriad of things and I'm quite certain he took these favourably; he found them amusingly accurate and would adopt these perspectives as his own. I think all the people who got to know me well appreciates this quality. I think on one occasion, he stated that I "was deary", and judging by the context this was used, he enjoys my quirky mannerisms. I don't really remunerate his efforts to make me feel better mostly because he's quite emotionally stable. The one moment where he came to me with a problem, I tried to support him, but he would constantly discard whatever suggestions I sent. I gave him my honest opinion on the matter, saying that it's not all that bad to get so worked up over, followed by apologies that I'm not very good with handling this, as I'm not very therapeutic by nature. This probably led him to think I was selfish/self-serving.



stephiphi said:


> I'm a bit confused at the part I bolded. So he wants you to listen to his problems and support him as well, but you don't want to do that because it isn't true to yourself? Is that accurate at all?


I would support him wherever I can, but I like to help others in a way that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable/insincere; for example saying things like: "things will get better", *insert gushy comment*, *insert obvious advice that disregards psychological constraints*, etc.



stephiphi said:


> What are "morality points"?


You know how people do selfless acts for selfish gain, to make themselves feel better? I think "karma points" would be more accurate, actually.


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## Apdenoatis (May 23, 2012)

Keep trying.
Or else the few times you find someone who could really be your friend, they will totally pass you by.

On the other hand, you state that the only valuable use for friends is to get you out of your bouts of melancholy. Is that friendship or merely using others? The latter isn't friendship. Friendship is when you legitimately care about the other person, and are willing to make it clear that you do. 
Your "friend" didn't handle the situation very well, sure, but if he tried to do a lot for you and you made no point of showing any appreciation or offer to reciprocate the favor, then you couldn't have expected it to last long. Fact is, no one is a good enough person to keep giving without taking.

Dunno, man. Best of luck, I guess.

edit: I'm open to pms if you like, don't hesitate if you feel like it.

edit #2: seems most of my post can be disregarded. Glad things worked out for you.


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## Dr Wahwee (May 2, 2012)

Forgot to mention, we talked on Sunday. I told him that I wouldn't share my problems anymore. Friendship continues. Happy End.


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