# Dealing with loneliness? (For introverts)



## Morfy (Dec 3, 2013)

Uh, so i have recently lost a very close friend of mine and two of my friends got into a relationship so sometimes i feel kinda lonely. So i am wondering, how does one cope with loneliness when it becomes overwhelming and noone has time for you? Also sometimes a part of my craves love i think ;x.


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## TheOffspring (Jan 3, 2014)

Good question. I think the only way would be to make new connections? As much as you might not want to.. Maybe strike up a new activity? I'm thinking of attending a painting class soon.


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## Xenograft (Jul 1, 2013)

Coming from someone who has seriously experienced this recently, I wish I could give you something more than what I can. I can tell you that there is no easy way out of this. I can also tell you that, ultimately, avoiding your problems will not solve them, and it is better to really address the issue than to just ignore it. As an ESTJ, I understand an INFP's plight. My advice to you, as it is what worked for me, is to focus on yourself and what is causing your loneliness. Go beyond the causation, look at the correlation. Find what, inside of you, is causing your lack of ability to make friends and new connections with your peers, as that is the bottom of the problem. There is no way to just fix loneliness, this is a multifaceted problem that requires time and dedication if you want to figure out a solution to. There are basic things that you can do to improve your chances of ridding yourself of loneliness; find a group of people that share an interest that you do and interact with them, leave your house/apartment and try existing in the outside (while by yourself), try to figure out exactly what you are lacking in your life and try to strive to find this. For many INFPs, lack of having a romantic partner drives most of their loneliness, they care less about friends. If this is what you are searching for, then you should probably start somewhere else. 

I hope this is helpful in some way, I know how isolation feels and it is a terrible thing to endure.


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## RandomNote (Apr 10, 2013)

For me its stuff like gaming, reading, music listening....you know busy work. You could also try coming to terms with it and all but thats the long road.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

I think it depends on the introvert. I just wanted to say I like @Lazy Bear's advice because it shows a different perspective. 

When I'm lonely it's kinda the opposite. I usually have more of a need for friends than a romantic partner; there have been times when I was in a romantic relationship, and was still lonely because I didn't feel like I had any friends. I second the idea of getting to know yourself, but also from the aspect of what things you like about yourself that you feel that you have to offer in a friendship, because what I've seen is that if you feel like you have a lot to offer, even if you don't say it outright , sometimes, people will pick up on that attitude.


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## Featherling (Jan 22, 2014)

I find that my loneliness fades into the background when I keep myself active. Other people become bothersome or unnecessary when I'm walking/running, enjoying the sun on my face, taking pictures or drawing various things, working on a project, etc. It doesn't abate completely, of course not, but it becomes something manageable rather than something heartrending. 


The only thing you can really do is open yourself up to new friendships by doing the things you already enjoy. Hopefully friendships forged in such a way will be long lasting and ease the bite of loneliness (but as one cannot control other people it's rather hit and miss.)


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## needle (Jan 26, 2014)

Be sure to do things that you find enjoyable, be sure to mix relaxing activities with more "substantial" ones. Watching tv-series is nice, but it easily takes up all of your time, makit it feel like you're just stuck in a void as soon as they end. Read some books, learna bout subjects you find interesting. Use sketch/notebooks or journals, it's nice every now and then to be able to look back and go through your own thoughts, it feels less empty.
And if you can - get out and do stuff. See new places or find activities that involve the chance of meeting some new people.

not perfectly phrased advise, but I wish you good luck!


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

Morfinyon said:


> Uh, so i have recently lost a very close friend of mine and two of my friends got into a relationship so sometimes i feel kinda lonely. So i am wondering, how does one cope with loneliness when it becomes overwhelming and noone has time for you? Also sometimes a part of my craves love i think ;x.


Loneliness isn't an aspect of introversion but rather a consequence of social anxiety or other such psychological issues.
Were you to poll the general public it's very likely that you'd observe results indicative of loneliness being evenly distributed on a percentage basis among innies & outies.


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## needle (Jan 26, 2014)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> Loneliness isn't an aspect of introversion but rather a consequence of social anxiety or other such psychological issues.
> Were you to poll the general public it's very likely that you'd observe results indicative of loneliness being evenly distributed on a percentage basis among innies & outies.


I don't think they equated the ability to feel loneliness with being an introvert, just that they wanted advice based on the fact that they perceive themselves as an introvert (and extroverts/introverts tend to handle things differently to some extent).
The feeling of loneliness does not need to stem from social anxiety, either. Any person could feel lonely by a lot of different reasons, it's not an issue, it's normal and natural. 

Sometimes you just end up finding yourself in the unlucky position of not finding anyone nearby you can relate to. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.


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## Velasquez (Jul 3, 2012)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> Loneliness isn't an aspect of introversion but rather a consequence of social anxiety or other such psychological issues.


I don't agree with this, it can just be a consequence of not having any friends.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

Hakuna matata dude.


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## Velasquez (Jul 3, 2012)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> It's your prerogative not to agree with me if you so desire & I'd often thank you before moving along to the next comment.


You appear to have projected something onto my comment that wasn't there.

You said -

"_Loneliness [is] a consequence of social anxiety or other such psychological issues."

_I disagreed with that statement, which had nothing to do with introversion or extraversion.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

...


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

Joining a gym has helped me so much. I've been lifting heavy (for me) and the feeling of getting stronger, plus the chemicals released when exercising have helped me. I am now back to a healthy weight and not looking horrible again.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

Velasquez said:


> You appear to have projected something onto my comment that wasn't there.
> 
> You said -
> 
> ...



Adios mister.


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## Velasquez (Jul 3, 2012)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> I'd suggest that we're looking at the issue from differing planes. The context of my comment, which you initially replied to, was that loneliness isn't an aspect of introversion.
> You're equated being friendless as the cause of loneliness. I broke it down to a simplistic description of cause & effect, yet you choose to cherrypick a single word rather than consider the root cause.
> 
> You win mister, I'm conceding this one to you.
> ...


No, I'm not interested in 'winning' anything, I want you to explain what you said further. "Loneliness [is] a consequence of social anxiety or other such psychological issues". Can you elaborate on this? Remember, this has _nothing to do with _introversion.


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## TwistedMuses (May 20, 2013)

Morfinyon said:


> Uh, so i have recently lost a very close friend of mine and two of my friends got into a relationship so sometimes i feel kinda lonely. So i am wondering, how does one cope with loneliness when it becomes overwhelming and no one has time for you? Also sometimes a part of me craves love i think ;x.


Pal, I know your pain... 
You should look at this loneliness as into a chance to think about things you usually neglected. It's way worse to feel lonely in a crowd, than by yourself (at least I think so). Try to find some intense activities which would require all of your attention and lots of time - start doing intricate crafts, read self help books, maybe try cooking or gym? There is always a way to make the best out of your current state, no matter how bad it is.
I actually was deprived from normal human contact a few weeks ago for almost 6 months. During that time I simply became friends with loneliness. Learned how to cook, read various psychology articles, made some quite big life decisions. Now I am in London, UK, instead of that hellhole in Ireland. Life's getting better, I am regaining my previous social charm.
So maybe some changes would do good for you?

Sorry this doesn't help much...


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Music is one of the best ways to help this, I think. Perhaps reading and art also.


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## Dragunov (Oct 2, 2013)

Instead of nursing the loneliness like others suggested(Videogames is one of the worst things you can do), go outside and make some friends.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

Once again...


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