# I'm irritable all the time and feel empty.



## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

Remember the time when you were a small kid, during the weekends when you had no homework, nobody to bother you and no responsibilities to worry about? Allow yourself to be that kid once in a while and do absolutely nothing of importance without any concept of loss love or whatever stupid relationships that exist for grown-ups. Don't think about other people in your life. Just you, yourself, your chamomile tea in a ridiculously small tea cup as you listen to music that has no lyrics. Just tunes. Then you create whatever stupid shit you want to do like building a rocking chair out wooden clothing pegs or something. Engage in something that doesn't require you to think. Just use your senses.


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## Dalton (Jun 10, 2013)

Retsu said:


> Definitely. It's worsening to the point where maybe I should see someone.
> 
> I haven't really changed anything and yet I just seem to be worsening. I'd have thought finally finding a job after six months would help but it only does at work because I can hold it together. Otherwise I feel generally quite worthless.
> 
> ...


I didn't have a good childhood, but it wasn't until adulthood that I started having _severe_ problems.

A GP will probably help you rule out possible external biological causes (issuing blood tests for diseases that might cause mood problems, etc.). They'll probably also recommend you a specialist (e.g. therapist, psychiatrist), so don't get disheartened if you feel like you're being pushed through a maze of people, because you're on the right path.

(And what would a surgeon have to do with this? )


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Dalton said:


> I didn't have a good childhood, but it wasn't until adulthood that I started having _severe_ problems.
> 
> A GP will probably help you rule out possible external biological causes (issuing blood tests for diseases that might cause mood problems, etc.). They'll probably also recommend you a specialist (e.g. therapist, psychiatrist), so don't get disheartened if you feel like you're being pushed through a maze of people, because you're on the right path.
> 
> (And what would a surgeon have to do with this? )


Well I guess I'd best nip this in the bud, eh. I mean it could be because of the pill but honestly I've been like this before I was on the pill.

Surgery is another word for doctor's building, or a practice or medical centre.  No surgeons involved I should hope unless I'm really beyond saving, lmao.


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## Scarlet_Heart (Oct 11, 2014)

It could be something chemically explainable and fairly simple. The fact that it seems to happen this time of year for you, could indicate a couple of things: Vitamin D deficiency as someone mentioned, Seasonal Affective Disorder (or SAD), or it could also be a hormonal imbalance. Something that simple can really affect your mood. Do you have extra weight, acne, lethargy, irregular menstrual cycles? Because those things, in tandem with your mood could indicate hormonal imbalance. A hormonal birth control or simply estrogen/progesterone could be prescribed to help.

I hope you figure out what it is. I don't mean to belittle your feelings by saying could be something simple/chemical. But in my personal experience, I realized that in the absence of anything to feel truly depressed about, my problem was likely something like this and it was.

ETA: Oops, missed the post where you said you were on the pill. It could be you need a different dosage or different pill? I was on Yaz and it made me a monster, lol. But I was good on ortho lo.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Scarlet_Heart said:


> It could be something chemically explainable and fairly simple. The fact that it seems to happen this time of year for you, could indicate a couple of things: Vitamin D deficiency as someone mentioned, Seasonal Affective Disorder (or SAD), or it could also be a hormonal imbalance. Something that simple can really affect your mood. Do you have extra weight, acne, lethargy, irregular menstrual cycles? Because those things, in tandem with your mood could indicate hormonal imbalance. A hormonal birth control or simply estrogen/progesterone could be prescribed to help.
> 
> I hope you figure out what it is. I don't mean to belittle your feelings by saying could be something simple/chemical. But in my personal experience, I realized that in the absence of anything to feel truly depressed about, my problem was likely something like this and it was.
> 
> ETA: Oops, missed the post where you said you were on the pill. It could be you need a different dosage or different pill? I was on Yaz and it made me a monster, lol. But I was good on ortho lo.


No, not at all. I am just looking for answers at the moment. Will need to make an appointment at the doctor's to get an answer for definite. If it was chemical, that'd be easily sorted. However I'm having some psychological sex issues. Unable to enjoy most times then feeling guilty as shit when i do. No abuse at all so I can't explain it. I'll have to address those at gp as well. 
Acne, extra weight, no. Not overweight, could do with losing a bit just to tone up. Uh... Lethargy? Well I'm tired quite constantly unless I force myself to do things. It's difficult.


I'm on microgynon at the moment. It's kept me regular and I have short periods which is great. I haven't really had any ill effects from it, but the mini pill/depot provera was awful, bled non stop.

Today is a day where I'm feeling okay. I have been out today but by the time I went out it was grey skies so not sure how much Vit D I actually got.


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## Scarlet_Heart (Oct 11, 2014)

You could take a vitamin D supplement. I do that in the winter. It's also an immunity booster, which helps because winter is also cold and flu season. The sexual issues could be hormone related as well. It's a shame that most doctor's don't deal much with making sure you're hormonally balanced. They just prescribe a BC pill and hope for the best. No harm in explaining to doctor that you're having some issues. Might have nothing to do with the pill, but the doc could have some other insights for you.


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

Hello!

I'm sorry you've been feeling down lately, I'm happy you're keeping busy to distract yourself, good for you . 

While I most certainly am not a professional, I think it would be best to see a therapist maybe, since it seems both like your friends don't ultimately understand what you feel at the moment? If you did decide to go to a therapist, they would decide if you your problem is ultimately something they can work with, whether you feel comfortable talking to them, or if you need to see a counselor.
Potentially, you could also discuss this with your primary care physician to see if there is anything somatic going on, such as insomnia. 
Honestly, I just searched out for a therapist because I really needed it, and where you said: "I don't feel fine", that really spoke to me, because I think it takes a special kind of sadness to say that.
I mean, you know how you feel and I think you saying "I don't feel fine" is a good indicator of what you need!
I've never taken vitamin D, but you could try that, and 'microwaving' yourself x)....
You can message me if you want to talk more!


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Slagathor said:


> Hello!
> 
> I'm sorry you've been feeling down lately, I'm happy you're keeping busy to distract yourself, good for you .
> 
> ...


I made an appointment at the GP, but it's not until the 24th. If it is Vit D deficiency, I might be fine like then and I might look like a bit of a tit going to the doctor about moodiness that happened earlier on.

Today I felt very little, thoughts kept creeping into my head and made me feel relatively miserable. It is a wonderful feeling to know that my brain is actively working against my own happiness and constructs reasons for me to feel like a failure and like a pathetic human from events that happened years ago.

Thanks for the offer but I don't think I'll take it. Don't want to make you depressed.


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## Sangmu (Feb 18, 2014)

If you're a ruminator and your depression tends to be worst in the morning, check this out.

Lift Depression » Listen

Not for everyone but it helped me.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

WhateverLolaWants said:


> If you're a ruminator and your depression tends to be worst in the morning, check this out.
> 
> Lift Depression » Listen
> 
> Not for everyone but it helped me.


I'm definitely a ruminator, but it's definitely worse as the day goes on. In the morning I'm okay. 

I'll probably have a look tomorrow. I need to sleep soonish.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Retsu said:


> I seem to have a history of this every year, getting miserable and depressed. I'm capable of enjoying things but I HAVE to keep busy otherwise I get pretty depressed, and even then the thoughts can invade when I'm doing stuff. I do casually think of ~death ~ sometimes... But then I do have periods where I feel fine so I don't see the point in seeing anyone, and then I don't feel like I'm depressed enough to get help.
> Eh... But now my moodiness has begun to be noticed by my friendship group and they're telling me I need to control my moods. I don't know what to do. I mean I've nothing to be depressed about and I'm fine at work (it does creep in sometimes but you just shake it off, you have to), but the moment I get home I feel a bit empty.
> I'm probably being incoherent and over thinking things, but I don't feel fine.  sometimes I do have periods of overconfidence and meh and my god I'm the best at everything you're all rubbish, delusions of superiority. But then a bit later I feel rubbish and inferior.
> 
> ...


join the club kid
i go through that every winter 'cept in my case it's caused by SAD [seasonal affect disorder] that an being a 5w6
hows the awesome purple bike?


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

vinniebob said:


> join the club kid
> i go through that every winter 'cept in my case it's caused by SAD [seasonal affect disorder] that an being a 5w6
> hows the awesome purple bike?


Sucks d00d. How do you manage?

Haven't been able to use it for the past week, been too ill  would have used it this morning but it started snowing out of nowhere and it was too windy. Then it was blue skies at home time. Ah well. Hopefully tomorrow.


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## zombiefishy (May 12, 2013)

Hormones?


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

zombiefishy said:


> Hormones?


Maybe. Still happens pretty consistently.


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