# Significant Other wanting to see pictures of ex gf and women have dated



## .17485 (Jan 12, 2011)

Is it normal if the person you're currently in a relationship with wants to see a picture of an ex-girlfriend and previous women you've previously dated?

It came up in a conversation where she was curious about the type of women I have been attracted to in the past.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Not normal. I feel bad because this is probably a curiosity that's born out of an insecurity and desire to compare herself to them. If you'd like advice on how to handle this I'd suggest affectionately declining and saying that something like there's no need to know about them because they're in the past and they're practically irrelevant now. 

She might merely be curious, or she might be insecure.


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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

Weiiiid... Sounds like a very insecure creature


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

Could be genuine curiosity, could be insecurity. 

I'd definitely be wary and watchful for other warning signs.


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## incision (May 23, 2010)

This is a warning sign if this is the probation relationship chick.


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## Lucan1010 (Jul 23, 2018)

I'd say that's pretty iffy. I don't know your (or her) situation, but that would raise some small warning flags for me.


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## Lonewaer (Jul 14, 2014)

Yup, insecurity. Don't show her anything, she doesn't need to know, you definitely don't want her to know, and she will be a pain in the ass to deal with once she'll see women in the street that look like them, and then assuming you'll get attracted to them, and then cheat on her with them. /oddlyspecific, I know.

I also won't ever answer the "what's your type ?" question anymore, because it has the same outcome.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Eh. If you're with someone you know and care about, aren't you capable of determining why she needs to know, or communicate better with her. Some people are *just* curious and there's no ulterior motive, insecurity or anything underneath. I'm sure she has her reasons and I'm sure with some probing you can find out what they are. Probably best to trust your partner with more information, not less.

IME, secrets and being secretive tends to invite trouble as well as sharing does (as I was the one having information with-held from in my previous relationship which eventually raised suspicions which turned out to be true), so I advocate a free flow of information between partners approach. 

If someone decides that sharing was what makes them insecure or as a result create problems in your relationship, then at some point _something else _might and you won't always be able to pre-empt everything. 

TBH, it's usually better to share everything and resolve each situation as it arises, not pre-empt the potential outcome of someone else's response/reaction.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

I won't entertain the thought unless there was something spectacularly good about the ex. Trust me, nobody wants to hear about your crap arsed bitching ex... it's not interesting.
If the 'why?' can't be answered reasonably I'll answer the query with a big "nope".



Tega1 said:


> It came up in a conversation where she was curious about the type of women I have been attracted to in the past.


Can be curiousity. Can be insecurity. Can be detrimental to the relationship.
I want to keep things positive. Having positive memories around "ex's".


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

It's not a red flag she's just wanting to know what your type is and if they were more attractive than her. These guys need to chill. It's insecure but that doesn't mean she is a bad partner or a crazy unless she keeps asking and get's obsessed with your exes. 

Tell her they weren't that pretty if she asks lol. She will probably drop it after that (I did this to my bf). To be fair in one case i had a reason for asking the question that wasn't really about jealousy just curiosity. I agree that being secretive or defensive looks way worse and it will be harder for her to trust you if you react that way.


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## GreenlandicVegan (Sep 14, 2019)

Gossip Goat said:


> Not normal. I feel bad because this is probably a curiosity that's born out of an insecurity and desire to compare herself to them. If you'd like advice on how to handle this I'd suggest affectionately declining and saying that something like there's no need to know about them because they're in the past and they're practically irrelevant now.
> 
> She might merely be curious, or she might be insecure.


Most likely insecure, I’m like that too. I was made fun of a lot as a young girl and I feel I will never be good enough. I am attractive, but the insecurity and jealousy can really take over sometimes.

The best he can do is delete all the pics and say he didn’t have interest in the pictures anymore and that he deleted them partly out of respect for them


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## ReliK (Feb 24, 2019)

You know, we are all at least a little curious and a little insecure about something, but what really matters is if it's something that you can work with or not. Sometimes, those who reveal their insecurity more freely are actually demonstrating that they have a more healthy, secure relationship to their insecurity (assuming they understand it's nature, implications and hold a desire to improve) while some people have walls as tall as K2 and their supposed absence of insecurity is really just a complete avoidance or disowning of unprocessed, complex emotions which end up causing big problems down the line. 

I'd equally ask myself 'do I want a partner who goes to an online community and asks strangers what my intention is over coming to me directly about it?' because that says something.. too... y'know.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

If she's asked, just show her. Don't make it a big deal. People want to know stuff about interesting people. I'm shocked how many people here think this is about insecurity, wow!


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Tega1 said:


> Is it normal if the person you're currently in a relationship with wants to see a picture of an ex-girlfriend and previous women you've previously dated?
> 
> It came up in a conversation where she was curious about the type of women I have been attracted to in the past.


It depends on a great many things: 

How long have you two been in a relationship? 
How emotionally stable/mature has she appeared to be thus far? 
How does she act when she sees you talking to another woman? 
How much crap do you take from her when you want a night out at the pub with your mates?
Do you sense that she's asking out of genuine curiosity, or do you feel she is asking because she feels threatened?
Honestly, does she fit the "pattern" of women you've dated in the past, or does she indicate a different direction for you?


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## incision (May 23, 2010)

Maryalliss said:


> If she's asked, just show her. Don't make it a big deal. People want to know stuff about interesting people. I'm shocked how many people here think this is about insecurity, wow!


There's no benefit to showing ex pics. Let's pretend that exs were much hotter. What then?


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## VoodooDolls (Jul 30, 2013)

Lol I think I showed my exgfs pics to all my exgfs.
I don't know why, different reasons, sometimes they would ask, other times I just felt like showing wtf


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

What if she has some kind of cuckold fetish--she wants to see the pics because she wants to fantasize about you and your ex having sex etc.

Who knows.

You might ask her if she has a cuckold fetish if she asks again--it'd be interesting to see how she reacts to the question. (I'm sort of joking, but anything's possible.)


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## Djairouks (Aug 26, 2019)

Duo said:


> There's no benefit to showing ex pics. Let's pretend that exs were much hotter. What then?


Yep my thoughts as well, then she'll give you shit or complain "why are you with me because I'm not as hot" !? My most beautifull GF, was oblivious to women's beauty and I saw she tended to feel, not as beautifull as other women, which to me was very weird, so I wouldn't take the risk if I were you.
I would call this a shit test honestly, some women can't help themselves asking such things, they don't realize there is absolutely no positive benefit from doing this, if this is the case it is indeed a red flag.


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## temptingthesea (May 7, 2018)

The first time I did it with an ex, it was because I was insecure. It was my first relationship, and I didn't handle that well.

The second time was with my current SO, and it was genuinely out of curiosity. I'd even asked him about his past and really, everything I want to know because they're all a part of him, and I want to understand. But then again, communication has always been our strong suit as a couple so sharing stories and information like that is naturally a part of our intimacy.

Instead of assuming right away that her question isn't probably 'normal', ask questions, ask her directly? And from there, talk as a couple?


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Duo said:


> There's no benefit to showing ex pics. Let's pretend that exs were much hotter. What then?


She won't be nearly as insecure as she's going to be if he refuses after she's asked.


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