# Ethnicity and Attraction



## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Fizz said:


> I know, I just thought it was weird to point out. I've read about interracial dating, it's not as common as same-race/ethnicity. I think the reasoning was what's "familiar". Such as what they grew up with watching their parents. For me personally, it doesn't apply


 I just pointed it out because this is what I do.

Like a PerC reality check.

Everytime someone posts about liking something common, EVERYbody on PerC is totally against it, every time someone posts about violence, EVERYbody is against it, but now, all of a sudden, everyone's, and it just so happens that the group pointed out is white, all fidgety and close-minded. And if you say anything, they'll just say "I have to right to like what I want!" but in any other thread, they'd be defending and arguing their hearts out, trying to force people to see their way of thinking.

I just find it entertaining, is all.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Monte said:


> I just pointed it out because this is what I do.
> 
> Like a PerC reality check.
> 
> ...


I don't think it's any big deal. People don't randomly just _choose_ who they will become infatuated with or whom they would fall in love with. I think it's just how the brain reacts, I don't choose what I like. When I see it, I just know. I didn't set out to find various people attractive based on the color of their skin. I just notice what I've been drawn to.

If someone is choosing to date outside their race so they don't appear "racist" then that's for all the wrong reasons.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Yeah, I don't know if being not attracted to someone is necessarily discrimination of sorts, but I see your point @Monte. I mean, you can't help it. I've been attracted to white, black, latin. But I can't do Asian. I've tried to find at least one Asian that is attractive to me. But I just can't. Can't get it up.
I'm getting increasingly into black and latin though. Black girls be down ass bitches. I love it. And them Hispanic girls don't leave much to the imagination. Which can be...good


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

mars6988 said:


> Yeah, I don't know if being not attracted to someone is necessarily discrimination of sorts, but I see your point @Monte. I mean, you can't help it. I've been attracted to white, black, latin. But I can't do Asian. I've tried to find at least one Asian that is attractive to me. But I just can't. Can't get it up.
> I'm getting increasingly into black and latin though. *Black girls be down ass bitches*. I love it. And them Hispanic girls don't leave much to the imagination. Which can be...good


They're stunning. In the media, I think black women are really overlooked for their natural beauty. I think Hispanic chicks are also beautiful...who am I kidding, I think they're all beautiful!


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

lol, some black girl taught me the wobble dance last night. she's like come on white Russian, I teach you the wobble dance
she could move though, goddamn.
that's the sexy thing about latin and black...sense of rhythm. A lot of white girls don't have it. In my experience.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

mars6988 said:


> lol, some black girl taught me the wobble dance last night. she's like come on white Russian, I teach you the wobble dance
> she could move though, goddamn.
> that's the sexy thing about latin and black...sense of rhythm. A lot of white girls don't have it. In my experience.


I wonder if some white females just aren't as in tune with themselves (I'm a white female so I know I have no rhythm). It's not like it's really encouraged in most Anglo-Saxon families to dance, sing, and have fun. Like holidays are just like a test to see who can hold their liquor and not make an ass of themselves. Compared to some traditions of Hispanic people, I think their holidays sound like more fun.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Latin holidays are awesome, and women get to dance with other women too. Which is awesome, I think.
Well I'm Russian. Holidays are about how much liquor you can handle and still not dance off into oblivion.
I was a dancer though, forever. And it's my thing. So when someone has no rhythm, that's a minus. Especially since I believe rhythm is also important in other places. Like the bedroom.
I feel that white women are just more self conscious. Dance is about letting go.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

mars6988 said:


> Latin holidays are awesome, and women get to dance with other women too. Which is awesome, I think.
> Well I'm Russian. Holidays are about how much liquor you can handle and still not dance off into oblivion.
> I was a dancer though, forever. And it's my thing. So when someone has no rhythm, that's a minus. Especially since I believe rhythm is also important in other places. Like the bedroom.
> I feel that white women are just more self conscious. Dance is about letting go.


I'll admit that I still need to learn to let go and just _feel_ the music and the entire vibe of everyone. I've gone to live music and watched people dance, they really have no rhythm. They inspire me to sit in my seat and silently judge their goofy behavior. Maybe next time I'll get into it :tongue: I'm trying not to be a Stiffly Stifferson.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Now all I do is street dance. I don't have a crew anymore or anything, because this is America. I go to clubs all the time to dance too. And start partying with white people but find myself in the middle of a black circle at the end of the night lol.
Yeah, as far as rhythm and no inhibition go, hispanic and black girls got it all.
I don't pay attention to other people on the floor, just do my thing.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Fizz said:


> I wonder if some white females just aren't as in tune with themselves (I'm a white female so I know I have no rhythm). It's not like it's really encouraged in most Anglo-Saxon families to dance, sing, and have fun. Like holidays are just like a test to see who can hold their liquor and not make an ass of themselves. Compared to some traditions of Hispanic people, I think their holidays sound like more fun.


I love to dance, not that I know any specific dances though. But when I see those movies with the Italians and Spanish types being all carefree and chilled out, dancing together, I think now that is a rich life. That is how it should be. I could totally live like that.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> I love to dance, not that I know any specific dances though. But when I see those movies with the Italians and Spanish types being all carefree and chilled out, dancing together, I think now that is a rich life. That is how it should be. I could totally live like that.


My family never dances, we usually just sit around cracking jokes instead of getting up and moving around. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of fun.


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

mars6988 said:


> Speaking of trends, black women think I am a gift to the world. I will never know why.


I seem to do well with black women too. Especially the islanders. Then again, that may be the cultural bridge sharing a lot of common cuisine and such which would make me seem more approachable. They also tend to be a little more aggressive in this manner 

Overall though, I would say what I attract may be spread across evenly across. Also take note though that it doesn't mean I attract a lot of women, it's just spread out evenly. I'm pretty sure I'd be quite a bit more successful if I were gay.

Anyway, I find myself toe to toe against ****** for a lot of the girls I'm attracted to. It makes sense that I would be at a slight disadvantage though. Immigrant parents vs. 8th generation white Canadian... No offense, and I'm not saying if you're white that you don't deserve to be dating that hottie but I found ****** can get away with a lot more than I can. I'm not saying that I don't have shit to fix myself but when you have bumb-as-shit-6'4"-300lb-blonde-dude-who-dresses-like-crap-and-showers-once-a-week versus mensa-card-holder-5'10"-160lb-lean-asian-dude-who-shaves-daily-and-doesn't-own-anything-that-wasn't-made-by-an-Italian-designer on even ground, it's really easy to speculate that the deck is stacked.

Then again, I could just be an asshole.. this is probably more true between the two. XD


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

tooboku said:


> I seem to do well with black women too. Especially the islanders. Then again, that may be the cultural bridge sharing a lot of common cuisine and such which would make me seem more approachable. They also tend to be a little more aggressive in this manner
> 
> Overall though, I would say what I attract may be spread across evenly across. Also take note though that it doesn't mean I attract a lot of women, it's just spread out evenly. I'm pretty sure I'd be quite a bit more successful if I were gay.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I wouldn't brag about IQ.

If anyone's comeback would have been, "Maybe because you scored low" - I don't think it's a good way to measure how intelligent someone is. The test is biased and subjective.


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## sonicdrink (Aug 11, 2010)

Speaking of dancing, I'm not attracted to guys who just move side-to-side and back and forth, and call it "dancing". I love ballroom/latin dancing, and I want a guy that can lead.  Any guy who can do that (and well) can melt my heart.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

IF you're gay, there are other problems and factors with attraction. First off, you would probably be a different person with a different style.
But um... there are a lot of layers to gay attraction that straight people are totally unaware of,cause it's not their cup. Being an asshole helps only literally lol


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## iDane (Mar 25, 2010)

Ethnicity: Biracial/mixed (Caucasian/African American)
Sex: Female
Physical preferences: I am generally attracted to heavier set men and woman. Other than that though, I don't have any real preferences.
Ethnicity preferences: It doesn't matter.
Personality preferences: Kind spirited, passionate, calm yet energetic demeanor with a sense of adventure/wanderlust. Also, however cliche, a sense of humor is a must. Life is much to short not to laugh and smile often.
Trends: I get approached more by older men.


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## Mulberries (Feb 17, 2011)

*-Ethnicity*: English and Scottish ancestry

*-sex*: Female

*- general physical preference*: Slim, average height to tall. Other than that it varies greatly.

*- general personality preference*: Intelligent, high level of common sense, introverted, but not socially anxious

*- preferred ethnicity*: It's culture that matters more than anything else. Something similar to my own is preferable. 

*- any trends you've noticed?*: All of the men I've dated have been vastly different. The only universal similarity is that they've all had horrible, crazy, overbearing mothers. Anytime someone says that men look for women who remind them of their mothers, I want to kick them in the shins.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Fizz said:


> My family never dances, we usually just sit around cracking jokes instead of getting up and moving around. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of fun.


 You should initiate some music and dancing, maybe a silly game, or karaoke lol. 
Sometimes I put some music on and record my kids busting a move lol. Then I get up and do some silly dancing of my own which prompts my husband to join in. But yeah my dad was never one for dancing really, and my mum only slow danced with him at weddings etc.


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

Fizz said:


> Yeah, I wouldn't brag about IQ.
> 
> If anyone's comeback would have been, "Maybe because you scored low" - I don't think it's a good way to measure how intelligent someone is. The test is biased and subjective.


Oh my God! I'm an asshole afterall! That explains it!

I am fully aware of the credibility of IQ tests. Here's another one, not everything I own is Italian tailored. I've never had to fight a 300lb fatass for a girl either. That's not the point of the post and I'm sorry if you took my illustration literally.

The point is that people like security and how ethnicity plays a major factor in how it works out.

Like it or not, believe it or not, simply being a white male in North America still gives you a huge advantage. Even in finding a job, you can have two identical resumes in every way except one is for a guy named Eugene Thomas and the other of for DeShawn Kelley; Mr. Thomas is going to have significantly more offers for interviews. Google up Dr. Steven D. Levitt. Also, see this link. There is a certain rapport that is pre-established simply by being a white male.

I'm sorry if I bring up a painful subject that suggests that things that we wish didn't exist still do but change takes a very long time. I'm not complaining about being "disadvantaged" in any sort of way. I do well enough, thank you. I'm merely sharing an observation, which also happens to be supported by several other sources. The hope was to shed some light on the issue as that seemed to be the topic of this thread and actually discuss something rather than simply posting wanted ads.

So before you go off calling random people on forums an asshole, read a couple books. However, I'll blame myself for the lack of communication as I probably should have been more politically savvy in how I worded that.


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

tooboku said:


> Oh my God! I'm an asshole afterall! That explains it!
> 
> So before you go off calling random people on forums an asshole, read a couple books. However, I'll blame myself for the lack of communication as I probably should have been more politically savvy in how I worded that.


What?! Didn't you call yourself an asshole?


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

mars6988 said:


> IF you're gay, there are other problems and factors with attraction. First off, you would probably be a different person with a different style.
> But um... there are a lot of layers to gay attraction that straight people are totally unaware of,cause it's not their cup. Being an asshole helps only literally lol


Actually no. I know a few pretty macho gay dudes and you would never know they were gay until they introduced you to their boyfirends. Seriously, gay guys like other guys, straight guys like girls. That's the only real difference I see. They're not all the stereotypical Fab Five type.


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

Peripheral said:


> What?! Didn't you call yourself an asshole?


Are we going to turn this thread into a flamewar? I would personally prefer not to. I made a statement, defended it. An attack on my character was made, I defended it.

Being an NT, I would have thought you could recognize an INTJ's defense mechanism. You're less likely to be called an asshole if you acknowledge-or at least just say that you are one first. Serves me right for stereotyping that all INTPs were smart enough to catch that.

I could accept resentment towards the facts presented, but that doesn't change them.


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

Man, I couldn't give enough of a fuck to start a flamewar.
I just asked the question because it seemed like you got way too
defensive about the reply to your question. That's it.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Has this turned to institutionalized racism? That's a thread for another section if anyone cares.


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

People have a habbit of shooting the messenger.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

tooboku said:


> People have a habbit of shooting the messenger.


What does that have to do with the topic at hand? And "habit".


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

*Ethnicity:* Irish, mostly...with some Welsh

*sex:* Yep. Oh - *looks in shirt* Yeah, I'm a female.

*My appearance:* I'm 5'1, athletic...I weight train, kickbox, and skate, and am pretty muscular (natural, not manly or anything) and have lower than average bodyfat levels. Auburn hair, green eyes. Not very freckled.

*What I like in men:*
*general physical preference:* Y'know, I'm just not picky about this, but I am normally not attracted to very skinny men. 

*general personality preference:* I like a good sense of humor, no psychotic or needy behavior, no bad tempers, has to like children. I value and appreciate intelligence and independence, and open-mindedness.

*preferred ethnicity:* I don't have a preference. 

*any trends you've noticed?:* African-American men love me...something about the red hair, or so they tell me. Also, a lot of younger men ask me out. I briefly dated someone 10 years younger. He's a nice fella but the gap was just too large for my comfort. VERY outgoing men tend to be drawn to me. I have no idea why. (I'm INTP and a type 5.)

*What do you consider important / not important in this matter?:*
Physical appearance may be what intially attracts me to someone (unless I know them already and am attracted to some other quality), but I believe that while beauty fades, stupid/rude/mean/etc lasts forever. I don't have a "type".


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

@tooboku, You called yourself an asshole, sweetheart. And I said that if you are one in the gay world, that helps only literally. Maybe you shouldn't let your insecurities push you to make a fool out of yourself, and if you are so well-educated you should be more well-versed as far as rules of inference are concerned. Don't get all hot and bothered about a joke someone made that didn't imply a single attack on your character, that's not very manly.
Also, the world is changing in regards to how institutions react to people of color versus white people. You can try and run behind the bandwagon, as it is full. And maybe, just maybe, a dating website isn't the best source to back up your racist right-wing claims.
Kind regards,

Mars.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

Snakecharmer said:


> [the gap was just too large for my comfort


What an unfortunate way of phrasing that...er...I meant the AGE gap was too large for my comfort.

Egads.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Snakecharmer said:


> What an unfortunate way of phrasing that...er...I meant the AGE gap was too large for my comfort.
> 
> Egads.


Yes, everyone understood what you meant. I don't think it's unfortunate to leave out a word that didn't really need to be written.


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

mars6988 said:


> @tooboku, You called yourself an asshole, sweetheart. And I said that if you are one in the gay world, that helps only literally. Maybe you shouldn't let your insecurities push you to make a fool out of yourself, and if you are so well-educated you should be more well-versed as far as rules of inference are concerned. Don't get all hot and bothered about a joke someone made that didn't imply a single attack on your character, that's not very manly.
> Also, the world is changing in regards to how institutions react to people of color versus white people. You can try and run behind the bandwagon, as it is full. And maybe, just maybe, a dating website isn't the best source to back up your racist right-wing claims.
> Kind regards,
> 
> Mars.


Okay.

How would it benefit the "right-wing white man" that they would publish paper that states that there is bias in their favour? Think about it. You can get away with more flaws just because you're white? That's in a nutshell saying "if you pick me, maybe its because I'm white and not because I have better credentials". It's counter intuitive to say that the data presented is in support of "right-wing" claims.

I do well enough. I don't need to be white and I can still be an asshole. I'm also interested in your definition for what manly is as it changes per culture.

I'm sorry if you're offended by facts but the dating website was not my only source. Although it's good enough of a source for the New York Times, if you have read the post also included is the name Dr. Steven D. Levitt. He's done a lot of research on social economics wherin ethnicity is a big part of. As per the example already given with the two identical resumes, the names are what separated the two. Names are ethnic, they do not have a colour.

What's funny about that dating website is that people will answer much like a lot people here answer. That ethnicity/race/colour doesn't matter. The reply rates state otherwise. I'm inclined to conclude that a lot of this has to do with guilt.

Be honest. I like Latinas and Italians. Gee. I guess that makes me racist. I don't give a shit. I have no problem acknowledging that bias. Does that mean it's exclusive? No. I still eat food that isn't bacon simply because bacon by itself isn't a balanced diet. Heck. I really like broccoli, spinnach, and fried chicken.

I didn't say things aren't changing. They're just not changing as fast as you believe. Social evolution, although it doesn't take as long as biological evolution, doesn't happen over night. Again, I blame my "tone" in the first post as it may have sounded like a complaint rather than an interesting bit of trivia.

Anyway, I see no one actually wants to discuss the question of why someone might only be approached by certain ethnic groups and we're satisfied to just keep posting "wanted ads".


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

How does having a preference in someone make someone racist? Or am I confused here....

I hear these terms thrown around all the time, racist, sizeist, ageist... people like what they like.


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## Lokkye (Dec 28, 2009)

Lol just wanna say.. this thread makes me think of this..






and also plentyoffish and eHarmony and all that crap >_>


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Eerie said:


> How does having a preference in someone make someone racist? Or am I confused here....
> 
> I hear these terms thrown around all the time, racist, sizeist, ageist... people like what they like.


Don't lie now... I know you set out with the intention of not be attracted to people from Finland! lol. It really is stupid isn't it? This is PC gone crazy if you ask me. I just laugh about it.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Racism was brought up in relation to institutions, not dating preferences. I don't care who anyone decides to sleep with, it's their own personal life, but to say that someone is more likely to hire a white man than a black man with equal credentials is nonsense. And cannot be claimed universally. People have evolved from that, maybe not all, but this is no longer the classic case.
And the reason why things aren't changing rapidly enough is due to the fact that there are people that believe what you claim.
And no, I am not offended by facts, you are giving me your opinions and a Cupid story.
Neither of these qualify as facts. Who responds to whom on a dating site says nothing about the way the world works. By the way, this country has a black president. Why didn't we elect a white man by default?


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

What on earth has that got to do with who we are attracted to? I thought this thread was about attraction. Maybe I got lost and found myself in an NT debate. [backs away from debate]. Maybe you should find a thread which addresses your issues better. This wasn't meant to be a debate thread mate. 

And I did what? a cupid story? ... oh I am good at writing stories or at least I used to be when I was at school. Would you like a fluffy bed time story which ends happily ever after?


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

You want to talk about Obama... haha don't get me started. We'll have to start another thread but his example would actually hurt the anti-racism cause more than help it. So much. It's actually pretty naive person's example.

However, the resume example was only given as dating and employment have many parallels. Whoever people choose to date is their own business, I've not been arguing against that at any point. In terms of employment, policies issued and policies practiced are two different things. Only numbers count for which I've not seen any to weaken my argument. Walk down the financial district of any big city and count the suits. How many of them are being worn by white males versus asian males versus everyone else? There is still a lot of disparity and it doesn't matter what the policies say, it's what the payroll records say.

Demographics (CPS)

You'll see a definite trend there and it doesn't bide well for what you're saying. The types of employment for which certain groups are employed more frequently just don't conform to what equal opportunity should look like.

As per the OkCupid data, their data is better than no data. Post some links or give me something to google and I'll shut up.

Again, it's just data. Making connections between it that point to the existence of a high level of residual racism does not make one racist. Believing that white males still have and edge does not mean that the individual also believes it is deserved or that is how it should be. It's just realizing that the problem is still there and we can't brush it under the rug and think everything is honkiedorie because America has a "black" president now. His election only symbolizes that America realizes the need for change. He isn't the change itself. Even he'll tell you that.

That's all I'll say as this is now way off topic but it's funny how there's been so much exchange and only at this point it is mentioned that people can date whoever they want. All I was saying is that certain groups are going to have an easier time of it than others.

Anyway...

I like Chilenas who are 5'6", have brown hair, brown eyes, and like to drink jagermeister. Gimme.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

And the INTJ has turned it into a debate thread. Why not just close the thread now? .......Skycloud yoohoo?


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> Why not just close the thread now? .......Skycloud yoohoo?


I agree....


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## tooboku (Jun 9, 2010)

Why am I getting all the blame? 

The OP clearly stated she wanted to know why she only attracted certain groups of people, I thought mentioning some obervations and factoids would be relevant to the discussion. It's not my fault I'm predispositioned to defend what I find logically sound. People also don't understand how difficult it is to articulate that without sounding bitter even if you're not. That was my difficulty.

Also,

I like 5'11" Ukranian girls with blonde hair and hard accents.


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