# i'm a good girl, my almost boyfriend is an ex badboy



## White (Mar 16, 2013)

hello.. i need some advice about my relationship, i'd really appreciate if you drop some words.
because sometimes love is blind, and only other people can see the truth.

i'm confused, there's a boy who likes me
well i actually doubt if he likes me. i kinda act cold toward him sometimes, so it might be just curious feeling, not love
but he says he is feeling comfortable around me
he can be weak when he's with me
he cannot speak rude -like when he is with his friend- in front of me
he can't forgot me and he always think of me before he sleeps
okay that's a cheesy one

but we're not officially dating
because i met him on the internet
we both are the type of person who are busier with our real life more than internet life
but we met strangely and our relationship developed quite well

firstly, we are EASTern
we still embrace our ancestor culture, politeness, manners, etc
i'm a good and plain girl, always protected by my parent
i'm sorry if it sounds bragging, i'm trying to explain my situation clearly (and what the heck did i get by bragging to people whom i'll never met)
i live well, got a good education, now studying at one of the national best university
my parent nag at me when i'm home at six, i mean 18.00, okay that's when i'm still senior high school
they are also educated, both of them get scholarship to study abroad when they're young
i have good friends
and i always wonder what kind of people who goes to a pub
didn't their parent warn them?

then he tells me he was an ex bad boy
well now he's trying to be a good boy, he said
he ever slept with woman
watching striptease live
consuming marijuana for few times -but not addicted thankfully- , alcohol
get dropped out from his school for three times
hacked people credit card, hacked lot of facebook account
he has various of friend,
drug dealer, prisoner, street singer

but he says he is done with it all

also he asks if he can meet me face to face lot of time
but before we meet, his real ex -who has been in relationship with him for about 4 years- ask him to go back to her
he ever told me, he has broken up with his ex for more than twenty times, and he always the one who asks for getting back
this is the first time his ex ask for getting back together, i can feel his happiness
then he really getting back with his ex
well i dont know, a part of me is disappointed and hurt when i see their photos so close one another, but another part of me is glad that i dont have an affair with ex badboy, i want to have a boyfriend from the same university, he must be good looking, smart etc, i'm old enough, and i want to have a serious relationship
then again i said to him, you dont have to feel sorry to me, i dont bear grudge. i wish you to be happy
but every time his ex not around, he text me ask if we could meet

i actually didn't want to meet him, well i hate the idea of being the third person
but he insist we should meet.
so we met as friend, i just value our promise, we make promise to meet before he get back with his ex
then i admire him for having wide knowledge
he knows our country problem
he thinks in mature perspective
and he listen to what i say
and then he says he doesn't see me as friend
im not just a friend for him

and now it seems he wants to break up with her ex again
so he can be with me
well it's just a feeling, woman instinct. lol

i'm confused
i dont want to be "relationship destroyer"
and a part of me is scared of his past

what do you think? if he really break up with his ex, should i accept him?


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## Volant (Oct 5, 2013)

Actions speak louder than words. Just keep yourself aware of your surroundings and feelings.


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

If he breaks up with someone else for you, he'll break up with you for someone else.


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## VeraH (Mar 27, 2013)

How old is he? Does he know you're a good girl? (Don't let him take that away from you if he's not deserving; wait for someone worth it) 

Hmm... just be careful. Don't sleep with him if you're not comfortable. Words can be meaningless. Actions can be telling.

He's a "bad"boy at the end of the day. Also, don't be naive to think that you can change him. Good luck.


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## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

From what I've seen of your situation and what I've concluded,
Is if it was me I'd break it off,
It does seem he likes you,
But sometimes just simply liking someone is simply not enough,
And not a reason to consider a serious relationship.

And please make sure you aren't going for his offers simply because he is showing interest in you,
Make sure it's more than that!


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

It sounds like you're a foreigner. It also sounds like you are very sheltered. Stay away from him, he will take advantage of you. 

You wrote a whole paragraph about him stealing money on people's credit cards, selling drugs, and going to prison. I think that is self explanatory because you also just mentioned how you wonder what type of people go to a pub. 

If you are willing to hang out with this guy, from what you've described does not sound like a genuinely nice individual, then you would have absolutely no problem going to a pub.


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## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

Except for the dropping out of high school it doesn't sound that bad.

What you need to ask yourself is does he have any aspirations for the future? Will you end up providing for him, or is there a reasonable chance he gets his shit together so that he can earn at least at your level? Just because he's been a badboy doesn't mean he is a bad boy, but it could mean he's a loser. You don't want to end up with a deadbeat loser without any future or ambitions.


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

> i want to have a boyfriend from the same university, he must be good looking, smart etc, i'm old enough, and i want to have a serious relationship
> then again i said to him, you dont have to feel sorry to me, i dont bear grudge. i wish you to be happy
> but every time his ex not around, he text me ask if we could meet


I think you already know the answer. You have worked hard for what you have and he doesn't have much to offer you. Don't let him drag you down to his level. 

You want something better for your life. He's had his chance and you can see where his ambitions have led him. 

Don't let him poison you and your future. It's your choice of course, but you know what is right.

Regards,


-ZDD


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## White (Mar 16, 2013)

Volant said:


> Actions speak louder than words. Just keep yourself aware of your surroundings and feelings.


thank you for reminding me..



WolfStar said:


> If he breaks up with someone else for you, he'll break up with you for someone else.


he actually only have one girlfriend in his life. in 4 years term of going out, he broke up about 30 time, and he always the one who apologize, and ask for getting back first. because he still treasure the 4 years relationship. he said he is tired of breaking up, his relationship with her soon will go nowhere. this is the very first time she asks to meet him after breaking up. he said it's probably because she need his motorcycle, to pick her up anywhere.



VeraH said:


> How old is he? Does he know you're a good girl? (Don't let him take that away from you if he's not deserving; wait for someone worth it)
> 
> Hmm... just be careful. Don't sleep with him if you're not comfortable. Words can be meaningless. Actions can be telling.
> 
> He's a "bad"boy at the end of the day. Also, don't be naive to think that you can change him. Good luck.


he's 22 and i'm 18. and i will only sleep with my husband hopefully. thank you for warning me.. he tells me he wont do anything to me, he say he respects me because i'm a good girl. he also says i'm different from his woman friend. his normal woman friend would change clothes in front of him casually.



Mzansi said:


> From what I've seen of your situation and what I've concluded,
> Is if it was me I'd break it off,
> It does seem he likes you,
> But sometimes just simply liking someone is simply not enough,
> ...


it feel nice to read that part he actually likes me. i was considering him for serious relationship because first, he has wide knowledge, and he has aspirations for future. i admire him in some ways.



angularvelocity said:


> It sounds like you're a foreigner. It also sounds like you are very sheltered. Stay away from him, he will take advantage of you.
> 
> You wrote a whole paragraph about him stealing money on people's credit cards, selling drugs, and going to prison. I think that is self explanatory because you also just mentioned how you wonder what type of people go to a pub.
> 
> If you are willing to hang out with this guy, from what you've described does not sound like a genuinely nice individual, then you would have absolutely no problem going to a pub.


but he's the one who honestly told me his history, and he said he do realize it will make me more terrified with him. and it's his friend who is selling drug, not him... yeah i'm defending him.



DiamondDays said:


> Except for the dropping out of high school it doesn't sound that bad.
> 
> What you need to ask yourself is does he have any aspirations for the future? Will you end up providing for him, or is there a reasonable chance he gets his shit together so that he can earn at least at your level? Just because he's been a badboy doesn't mean he is a bad boy, but it could mean he's a loser. You don't want to end up with a deadbeat loser without any future or ambitions.


we once talked about that topic. he realize he need to have money to get married and have a real life. he said he's not the type to work hard, he prefers run a business. he once had imported shoes business, he import it by himself, he stopped for currency exchange value reason, but lately he want to start it again.



Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> I think you already know the answer. You have worked hard for what you have and he doesn't have much to offer you. Don't let him drag you down to his level.
> 
> You want something better for your life. He's had his chance and you can see where his ambitions have led him.
> 
> ...


this is simple but feel so true. thank you.


==========

and the story goes on.. (you don't have to read it, i just feel like writing it)

as i said before we met two times in mall, we just talk and watch movies. when we walked he tried to held my hand many times but i avoid his hand, because he has a girlfriend, please. he touch my hair and caress my cheek when we watch movies, which makes my heart skip a beat. later when we go home we text again. he apologize, he realize he's not my boyfriend but he cannot control himself to not touch my hair. he also said he was very nervous when he touched my cheek.. is it a common bad boy lies? lying that you're nervous?

so i asked him one time "don't you love your girlfriend? why do you keep sticking around me?"
then he says, i love her, but i love you too. i didn't mean to make you plaything, my feeling for you is real. i'm satisfied enough to have a long talk with you, or to just meet you. as long as you don't have any boyfriend i will always be here, but if you get one i will surely disappear.
i mean he looked so honest. but that part when he says he also love her kinda broke my heart :sad: i feel kinda betrayed then i swear to myself i will forgot him. i also tell him my decision that i don't want to be a second choice, and please forget me.

lately, he said he misses me and he wants to see me. i said i wont meet him, i said i have moved on. we lived in different city (5-6 hour travel), and he is coming here yesterday, he says he is looking for a boarding house because he plan to run his shoes business again, he can meet me after he finished his BH hunting. i insist i wont meet him. he said he will wait for me, then he actually wait in the same coffee shop where we met the first time, for two hours, please this is not drama, doing it in real life really makes you looks stupid :bored: he even sends his drink picture
why does he has to make me feel so guilty? i never ask for him to wait. of course i know he didn't know where i lived, so he won't come to my house.

after hours waiting for nothing alone, he come back home (he rent a room in boarding house). and that's when we text again. he told me, he is going out with his girlfriend not because of love. the girl is very thick headed. and he is tired of always breaking up. he's implying that they don't match well. he says he knows he is a jerk, but he actually want me to wait for him.
also he swear the main reason he comes here is to meet me, not because the boarding house, but then he only find a girl who is already moved on. 

deep inside i know i still like him, and not fully moved on, but just like this quote



Zombie Devil Duckie said:


> Don't let him poison you and your future. It's your choice of course, but you know what is right.


sometimes you just have to let go what you want to get what's best for you

=====================

so i said i will meet him today, to appreciate him coming here, because we're friend.
and we will always be friend until we got old.
this is probably the last and end to my short romance novel. lol

thank you very much for replying my thread roud:


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## Deretree (Oct 10, 2013)

Did he actually call you "a good girl"?


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## White (Mar 16, 2013)

Deretree said:


> Did he actually call you "a good girl"?


he once said, "i wont do anything weird to you because i know you're a good girl" what's wrong?


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## Deretree (Oct 10, 2013)

I don't know, he sounds weird to me. Calling you a good girl, telling you to wait for him. Telling you he loves his girlfriend, but he loves you too, and the actual girlfriend is only on his arm because <whatever reason>. Is this somebody you want to date, someone who cheats? Someone who uses his feelings for you as a tool to get you to feel bad for him, and to stick around? You're both young, I think, and this is something both men and women like to do -- you will see many more examples of this as you grow up. Find someone who respects you, and whoever else they've been with.


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## White (Mar 16, 2013)

Deretree said:


> I don't know, he sounds weird to me. Calling you a good girl, telling you to wait for him. Telling you he loves his girlfriend, but he loves you too, and the actual girlfriend is only on his arm because <whatever reason>. Is this somebody you want to date, someone who cheats? Someone who uses his feelings for you as a tool to get you to feel bad for him, and to stick around? You're both young, I think, and this is something both men and women like to do -- you will see many more examples of this as you grow up. Find someone who respects you, and whoever else they've been with.


the main problem is this, he once break up with his gf, then he's trying to move in this time he wont contact her anymore, because every time they broke up he usually the one who contact first. then he found me, and we became close. he says he want to confess his feeling when we met. but before we can met his ex contact him.
that's why his feeling mixed up i think



Deretree said:


> Find someone who respects you, and whoever else they've been with.


i also feel he didn't respect me. he just do whatever he likes, tells whatever he feels, don't respect my feeling if i get hurted. he says he didn't mean to hurt me but he's actually hurt me because of his fickleness -_-


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## Deretree (Oct 10, 2013)

Snow White, princess, this guy blows. Haha. When men who don't know who you are confess their love for you, blow them off. If he is being squirrely and you can't read his motives, blow him off. If he isn't going to be forward and honest and you feel disrespected, blow him off. Be sincere and understanding to a person up to a point, and when you know you're being taken advantage of, remove that person from your life and don't look back.


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## corbenik (Nov 8, 2013)

How can he prove he's changing his ways if you have yet to meet him? Don't get sucked in to the 'good girl fixes bad guy and turns around his life' role. You don't even know if this guy is very psychologically fucked up - you don't see that side of him. Ask yourself, do you want to even be around someone who could have potential psychological problems that haunt him from being this so-called bad boy. Damaged goods are damaged goods. Unless they go elsewhere for help and turn their life around. If he were to do any of this before coming for a relationship, then I would say reconsider (maybe). Only if you can get concrete proof.


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## RaidenPrime (Aug 4, 2012)

corbenik said:


> How can he prove he's changing his ways if you have yet to meet him? Don't get sucked in to the 'good girl fixes bad guy and turns around his life' role. You don't even know if this guy is very psychologically fucked up - you don't see that side of him. Ask yourself, do you want to even be around someone who could have potential psychological problems that haunt him from being this so-called bad boy. Damaged goods are damaged goods. Unless they go elsewhere for help and turn their life around. If he were to do any of this before coming for a relationship, then I would say reconsider (maybe). Only if you can get concrete proof.


Bro. Word. Just, word. XD roud:


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## Empty (Sep 28, 2011)

Are you Chinese? I can speak Chinese if it's easier (well, maybe you're not, so ignore me in that case).

My advice, from a sometimes-bad-boy, is to stay the fuck away from him. Nothing good will come of it. You sound like a good girl. Find a nice but strong man. They exist (I'd know, one of my best friends is one).


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## yyzena (Nov 17, 2013)

My dear Lady,

Please, stay away from this person. Do not communicate with him any longer.

He is what they call .. a 'playa'.

Forget about him ... take care of YOURSELF.

Good Luck my dear


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## chimeric (Oct 15, 2011)

Carefully examine why you're attracted to him in the first place. The "rebel turned good man" trope is one some women really go for. If he's single and working a steady job for at least eight months maybe​ you could consider him. But if he has a lifelong pattern of cheating and lying, there's no reason that couldn't flip on you on a whim, regardless of whether he's been honest with you so far.

There are many men in the world. Think practically, not just emotionally, when picking a partner.

Also LOL at the idea of someone who wants to run a business because he doesn't like working hard.


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