# You know a stranger is coming to visit and you are home alone, you...



## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

mushr00m said:


> Some people here are small people for all I know. Actually how many people here are trained in self defense?


Mushy, I am 5'4, biologically female (as you know xD) 120 pounds, black belt in karate and trained in self-defense. And, I'd still take a reasonable amount of precaution. It's common sense.


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## Monkey King (Nov 16, 2010)

I'd be on the Internet looking for a new couch I can purchase with the profit made.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Boss said:


> Mushy, I am 5'4, biologically female (as you know xD) 120 pounds, black belt in karate and trained in self-defense. And, I'd still take a reasonable amount of precaution. It's common sense.


Well I would have thought women generally take up self defense as a general rule. Or at least some basic defense techniques. But yeah, having a good grasp of precaution and knowledge in knowing what to do should a bad situation take place at least reduces that risk. Good on you though  I've been chased in my own home(shared) before, its left a bad impression thats for sure.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Boss said:


> Mushy, I am 5'4, biologically female (as you know xD) 120 pounds, black belt in karate and trained in self-defense. And, I'd still take a reasonable amount of precaution. It's common sense.


Lol wow, I'm 5'3" and around 120ish as well. I am not trained in self-defense though. However I'm pretty "tactful" as @Sonny always puts it, and I'm good at getting out of things I guess. I cannot tell you how many times I have run into creepy old men trying to hit on me when I am just minding my business and stuff. Sigh xD


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

FacelessBeauty said:


> Lol wow, I'm 5'3" and around 120ish as well. I am not trained in self-defense though. However I'm pretty "tactful" as @_Sonny_ always puts it, and I'm good at getting out of things I guess. I cannot tell you how many times I have run into creepy old men trying to hit on me when I am just minding my business and stuff. Sigh xD


I am very good at charming/bullshitting/sneaking my way out of situations. 

I started martial arts training when I was 5. It's a bit of a tradition in my family lol. And self-defense training ( which is *very* different from martial arts per se, though Krav Maga, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, *****, Muay Thai etc. are some of the better supplements to this kind of training) came later on and was tons of fun. I already had a martial arts background, so I found it both intriguing, theoretically and in practice, and very enjoyable. Needless to say, it has its uses, especially with violence against women on the rise, and could come in incredibly handy.
@_mushr00m_

Yeah, unfortunately, most women don't pay a great deal of attention to self-defense training. 
And thanks Sorry to hear about your negative experience. It sounds awful.


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## Pucca (Jun 13, 2012)

There's no need to invite _any_ risk. For my part, I would schedule the couch pick up for when my spouse was home, then I don't have to think about worst case scenarios. I agree with other posters that this is common sense and safety practice for a woman home alone.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Boss said:


> I am very good at charming/bullshitting/sneaking my way out of situations.
> 
> I started martial arts training when I was 5. It's a bit of a tradition in my family lol. And self-defense training (martial arts training that isn't geared towards practical self-defense can be useless, unless you're talking Krav Maga, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, *****, Muay Thai etc.) came later on and was tons of fun. I already had a martial arts background, so I found it both intriguing, theoretically and in practice, and very enjoyable. Needless to say, it has its uses and could come in incredibly handy.
> @_mushr00m_
> ...


Well even though it was bad experience, it certainly taught me to be on guard. At the time, it freaking unnerved me. I was also living in a rough area at the time. I could do though with some kickass, intensive self defense like some of what you know. My SO knows some wing chun(developed in China esp for chinese women who were being threatened by the japanese during war times), its a very fast paced sport/defense and I think thats why it works so well.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

mushr00m said:


> Some people here are small people for all I know. Actually how many people here are trained in self defense?


I wanted to try judo when I was about 8 years old but it seemed dull so I dropped it pretty soon... I've been boxing though, just for exercising but it's good practice anyway. And I definitely, definitely want to keep myself fit and try to become stronger to be able to do something in case I need to (and just for fun, I like to look a bit muscular and I gain muscle easily for a woman). I'm very good runner, faster than most women and at least for a while heheh, so that's another advantage. It's important for me to know I'm capable physically, I think it gives me a feeling of security. Some of all that could be related to the conflicts between me and my brother, I sweared to myself that I'd not be inferior to him and I don't want to feel that kind of inferiority ever again. I'll work my ass off if I have to to keep myself fit also when I'm old LOL.




Boss said:


> Mushy, I am 5'4, biologically female (as you know xD) 120 pounds, black belt in karate and trained in self-defense. And, I'd still take a reasonable amount of precaution. It's common sense.


I admire your attitude and competence, really. I'm pretty much the same size than you are and honestly feel _so _much less secure without that belt of yours


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

zallla said:


> I admire your attitude and competence, really. I'm pretty much the same size than you are and honestly feel _so _much less secure without that belt of yours


Why thank you zallla! 
That security you're missing will have to come from within. There are plenty with "belts" but little security or confidence in their ability to handle a situation that turns violent. Besides, that belt isn't all that helpful in an assault (or preventing an assault). That's what self defense training and confidence are for. I recommend this training, highly. 


p.s. I just remembered @_snowangel_'s point about arming oneself. Couch selling or not LOL, l am all for women, especially, getting proper gun training and conceal and carry permits etc.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

Boss said:


> Why thank you zallla!
> That security you're missing will have to come from within. There are plenty with "belts" but little security or confidence in their ability to handle a situation that turns violent. Besides, that belt isn't all that helpful in an assault (or preventing an assault). That's what self defense training and confidence are for. I recommend this training, highly.


Yeah, that's true. I think I have a bad tendency to focus on external (environmental or my own physical) strength and security instead of mental...  Maybe I don't usually even notice the mental insecurity is the problem really.




> p.s. I just remembered @_snowangel_'s point about arming oneself. Couch selling or not LOL, l am all for women, especially, getting proper gun training and conceal and carry permits etc.


I'm actually an excellent shooter  I don't have my own gun at the moment though. I used to have an air pistol (which is not much) but now it's at my dad's place, he has more space there and I have better chances to shoot there since he has his own shooting range (he's a pro and shooting is his one and only hobby). But yes, I agree, women should train themselves somehow. I don't think guns are the answer but something should be done anyway.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@_zallla_

That's awesome. @ shooting skills part.
And yes with self defense, training and technique are crucial but confidence is indispensable.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

Heheh, yeah well I like that too and at some point in my youth I was planning to be a police ;D Sounds pretty incredible now but I really thought it would be cool. I guess I got a little too enthusiastic about the whole self-defense thing.


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## heaveninawildflower (Feb 5, 2012)

zallla said:


> But yes, I agree, women should train themselves somehow. I don't think guns are the answer but something should be done anyway.


We have seen an increase in crime in our area, especially home invasions. And in a lot of the home invasions there was more than one intruder. And recently, there were a few robberies that were committed at a grocery store parking lot, in the early morning. And the ones that were targeted... the women who were alone. If I am ever the target of a predator or intruder, I want to be able to protect myself. So I have started the process to get a concealed carry permit.


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## Jewl (Feb 28, 2012)

mushr00m said:


> Some people here are small people for all I know. Actually how many people here are trained in self defense?


Yeah, that was kind of my concern when forcing myself into this hypothetical situation. I'm about 5'1, I don't know exactly how much I weight but I'm rather small, I'm female, and I'm not trained in self-defense. I do have common sense, though, and I'm no idiot. I know how to stay safe. 

I'd still feel safer if I knew some form of self-defense. That said, I always prepare in my mind what I could use as a weapon in whatever situation (I mean, not always -- but in a hypothetical situation like this one).

But bottom line, I'd hate to have to get to the point where I'd have to resort to physical violence. 

Most dangerous situations can be avoided by using common sense. At least where I live.


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## Monkey King (Nov 16, 2010)

> Heheh, I had the most fun today because I got the front row seat to observe my reactions and behavior in a very interesting situation. It made me wonder how different Enneagram types with so different motivations etc. would have reacted so please, tell *how would you react/behave/feel/think in the following situation:
> 
> **You are trying to sell your old couch and have put a notice in the newspaper or internet or something. Then this guy you don't know at all calls you and wants to buy it. You arrange the deal so that he will come to your home in about 30 minutes or so. You are home alone.
> 
> Please, spare me from comments "I would never be in a situation like that" etc - play along!* And don't get too biased because of my worst case scenarios :kitteh:​


I read this much of your post. Julia Bell thanks my post and I go in to clear it. I read the page where my post is in and I see talk of self defense. I returned to the OP thinking I may have answered it incorrectly. I realize that my answer is exactly what I would be doing. (I've sold some of my dorm furniture/roomie apartment furniture before). 

I read the conversation and I'm like "OooOOooooohhhh, yeh.. no haven't crossed my mind unless something feels off when he gets there. For instance, if homeboy comes in rolling in a corolla to pick up a couch--I'd question that and think twice before opening my door.


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## Bluity (Nov 12, 2012)

Grau the Great said:


> I really don't see a point; it's not worth the time and stress speculating about endless problems, because there's always one you didn't think of.



Brainstorming about endless problems doesn't stress me out. I find it fun. I enjoy taking charge of my own safety, it's empowering.




mushr00m said:


> Some people here are small people for all I know. Actually how many people here are trained in self defense?



I'm not small. I'm 5'5 150 lbs and have taken a self-defense class, but I am certainly no pro. I will never buy a gun and don't think I have the discipline to learn a martial art. 


It might help to know that I live in New York where people have been killed literally at the end of the block. Bars are on all the windows here, and the police are a constant prescence. So in a way, craigslist is the least of my worries. 


Since I do not have a gun nor do I know karate, my best defense is awareness. I need to be aware of what an assailant can do, and have solutions for it, because frankly I don't have the sense to come up with escape routes on the fly. I'd rather be overprepared than under.


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

Where you live definitely affects things. I live in a place where most people don't even lock their doors (I do).

I guess as far as risky activities I've engaged in goes, selling a couch on craigslist seems pretty tame. Some of those things were really stupid and I won't do them again (hitchhiking alone, for example- though I did meet a nice truck driver). But some I will continue to do because the benefits outweigh the risks in my opinion, like taking long walks alone at night- there is nothing more pleasant and beautiful, especially when the moon is out. 

I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to live in terror just because I'm a woman. Would I benefit from self defense classes? Probably. But it would probably be more beneficial safety-wise if I wore a helmet while riding my bicycle (I don't). Maybe this is the sort of thing they mean in self pres four descriptions when it says takes unnecessary risks to feel alive. It doesn't feel like that to me, though. It just feels like I'm trying to live my life. I'm not jumping off cliffs or anything (although I have done things especially when I was younger that were overly risky and I liked that feeling very much.)


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Freak. Out.

There is a guy I've never met before coming to my house in half an hour, expecting to buy my sofa. HE'S GOING TO BE JUDGING ME SO MUCH I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO SELL THINGS PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME DO THIS WHILE I COWER IN A CORNER DUE TO SOCIAL ANXIETY.

Also, "NOOOOO MY SOFA WHY MUST WE PART THIS WAY THIS GUY BETTER TAKE CARE OF YOU IVE LOVED YOU SO MUCH WHAT IF HE TREATS YOU BADLY"


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

Julia Bell said:


> Lol! But wouldn't anybody be just a _bit _worried? .... no? .... It's a stranger coming to your house when you are _alone_. O_O Does this not make you a little bit suspicious concerning what possible motives this person could have?


Nope :happy:

If he got there and he vibed wrong, then I would consider motives, without the presence of something suggesting anything was off I wouldn't consider the possibility.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@_sodden_ (you're retired but anyway lol)

I do think it's very important for women to "not live in terror" because they're women. I know I don't, despite having thwarted a rape attempt at around 16 and having witnessed large scale violence. Self-defense training has nothing to do with living in terror. To me, it's a very practical life skill kinda like knowing how to fix a puncture. Wearing a helmet will protect you from serious head injury, not a rapist or armed robber. They're two very different things. 

I am all for enjoying life and preserving your peace of mind (indulgence and peace are both very important to me lol), but practicality has its place (and a very crucial one).


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