# Feeling really depressed



## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Hey

I've been struggling with some negative people for a while now, and has badly has it has affected me, I have been able to focus on other things as well. Tonight I had a nightmare about someone I admire having a huge stress at me after asking her how old she was when she got married, as she thought I was ''digging for information''. I know she would never do that in real life, but it really unnerved me, because I haven't liked the way people have been speaking to me or treating me lately. With the lady, a pastor at my church, I wonder about when she met her husband because she has three young kids (as in, under 10) and she is 10-15 years older than I thought she was because she is very youthful and beautiful, and a month or so ago, I went to talk to her because someone gave me a prophesy about marriage, and I'm only 21.

The negativity has been happening for a long time really. Some people would say I'm a negative person, but I don't go around sticking pins in peoples hopes, dreams, ideas, values or beliefs. It just doesn't seem right.

At church/on online Christian forums, I have been struggling with people whose core beliefs differ from mine. Instead of politely agreeing to disagree, they tear my beliefs to shreds, without even considering I could be right, and they could be wrong, and make me feel like a terrible person. Its making me feel really weak and discouraging and not wanting to mix with Christians, even though I know they are supposed to be my heavenly family, my brothers and sisters, and most Christians aren't like that- I just seem to be running into the mean, argumentative ones.

Another example was when I was at the gym, and this lady came over to help me use a machine. She asked me questions about myself, so I told her I was hoping to develop the kind of lifestyle where I would be a mum running behind a stroller, taking her kids for night walks after the evening meal and doing triathlons. I can't remember exactly what she said, but I got really upset and stopped going to the gym after that because I was really embarrassed and mortified.

I can't seem to take any kind of criticism- obviously not all is meant to improve someone or build them up, some can be quite destructive if there aren't good motives behind it. If someone says something to me, it can totally change my direction or stop me from making progress towards my goals. I don't know how to deal with it. I also struggle with I argue with people I look up to, or they simply don't like me.

How can I deal with this? I'm starting to think I'm going to have to keep everything to myself.


----------



## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Ok, so I posted this in the ''NF'' forum, but haven't gotten any responses yet, so I thought I would post it here too and see what you guys had to say.

Hey

I've been struggling with some negative people for a while now, and as badly as it has affected me, I have been able to focus on other things as well. Tonight I had a nightmare about someone I admire having a huge stress at me after asking her how old she was when she got married, as she thought I was ''digging for information''. I know she would never do that in real life, but it really unnerved me, because I haven't liked the way people have been speaking to me or treating me lately. With the lady, a pastor at my church, I wonder about when she met her husband because she has three young kids (as in, under 10) and she is 10-15 years older than I thought she was because she is very youthful and beautiful, and a month or so ago, I went to talk to her because someone gave me a prophesy about marriage, and I'm only 21.

The negativity has been happening for a long time really. Some people would say I'm a negative person, but I don't go around sticking pins in peoples hopes, dreams, ideas, values or beliefs. It just doesn't seem right.

At church/on online Christian forums, I have been struggling with people whose core beliefs differ from mine. Instead of politely agreeing to disagree, they tear my beliefs to shreds, without even considering I  could be right, and they could be wrong, and make me feel like a terrible person. Its making me feel really weak and discouraging and not wanting to mix with Christians, even though I know they are supposed to be my heavenly family, my brothers and sisters, and most Christians aren't like that- I just seem to be running into the mean, argumentative ones.

Another example was when I was at the gym, and this lady came over to help me use a machine. She asked me questions about myself, so I told her I was hoping to develop the kind of lifestyle where I would be a mum running behind a stroller, taking her kids for night walks after the evening meal and doing triathlons. I can't remember exactly what she said, but I got really upset and stopped going to the gym after that because I was really embarrassed and mortified.

I can't seem to take any kind of criticism- obviously not all is meant to improve someone or build them up, some can be quite destructive if there aren't good motives behind it. If someone says something to me, it can totally change my direction or stop me from making progress towards my goals. I don't know how to deal with it. I also struggle with I argue with people I look up to, or they simply don't like me.

How can I deal with this? I'm starting to think I'm going to have to keep everything to myself.


----------



## spifffo (Jan 21, 2010)

I struggle with this too :/. The best I've come up with is to really make an effort to stand up for myself, even if it's just simply stating that I disagree. I don't have to start an argument or anything, but it is helpful to end the conversation on my terms by holding onto my belief. Another big thing is learning to talk to myself like I talk to other people. ENFP's are great at encouraging and seeing the best in other people, but we have more trouble doing this for ourselves. So, I try to step outside of myself and talk to myself like I would talk to a friend-- and defend myself like I would defend a friend. For example, if I find myself thinking, "Gee, I was such an idiot today," I stop and I realize that I would _never_ say, "Gee, you were such an idiot today" to any other person, so why I am treating myself so badly? I believe that everyone is worthy and deserving of love and acceptance...but I have to make an effort to remember that I'm part of "everyone" too!


----------



## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

i think you can. i'm an ENFP too remember- every one of us has to learn the hard way. there's a thing in life called "social calibration"- human beings mirror other human beings when they do good things socially, so you know people who are experienced socially because they have this calibration. just do something like a trip or working in a summer camp- something which forces you to be with people constantly and do it over and over.. eventually social calibration takes over (this has nothing to do with conformity or compromise; it's natural and a normal learning process for humans).

a big part of why this happens to you isn't because of some mysterious thing to do with your personality or that you're wired wrong (although personality obviously influences) but instead it's a lack of social experiences. go out and get experiences because experience is crucial to bringing out your best side..

you can either believe me and do it or not.. and continue to have the problem. it doesn't bother me, i'm just trying to help.


----------



## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

Hi Chick. I'm reminded of this quote _"Some days we are the bug and some days we are the windshield"_. Life is funny that way. Some days we seem invincible like no one can break our stride. And, other days the least little thing seems like a ton of bricks on our back. We've all been where it seems like you are right now. When I have these moments in life, it is usually around the same time I have not been the best I can be to myself. It's when my center is off balance that I become highly sensitive to those around me.

I agree with you you some criticism is beneficial and some is well who knows why people come up with what they come up with. But, the bottom line is this...it really doesn't matter what other people say about Chick it's what you say about you. I remember reading in a book one time that says to be careful with whom you endow the authority to tell you who you are. And, one of my favorite quotes is _"You have to be careful who you let define your good."_.

Everyone is not going to agree with us. Criticism is just that criticism. I recommend chewing the meat and throwing away the bone. In other words, reflect on whatever feedback someone gives you, if it has value to improve your life then take it for whatever it's worth and if it doesn't file in file C (the trash). Some people get off on putting others down in order to feel strong themselves and those are the types you have to take whatever they say with a grain of salt.

I'm not sure what to tell you about the church folks. But, I do agree with Eleanor Roosevelt when she said _"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"_. I have found when it comes to religion, when people believe they are right they are very passionate about it and will stop at practically nothing to drive their point home. It is easy to hold Christians to a higher standard but underneath it all they are human and therefore are subject to behave just like any other human. 

Just because one accepts Christ as their personal Savior doesn't mean that all of the insecurities, hurts, ills, negativity, etc are automatically healed. It is in silence and meditation that we come to know ourselves yet we hustle and bustle and do everything we can to escape ourselves. We are willing to fix everyone else but ourselves. I have found the higher the stakes, the more difficult it is to agree to disagree. 

I *try* to apply Proverbs 26:4 to situations like the one you described in the OP:


> Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
> Lest you also be like him.
> 5 Answer a fool according to his folly,
> Lest he be wise in his own eyes.


In other words sometimes when we argue with people we look just as crazy as they do. And, sometimes if we let the matter slide a person becomes worst in their unwanted behavior. So, basically I guess this quote says it best _"It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.". _I get the impression from your posts that you draw strength from your faith and fellowship. I hope that you will find a way to make it work for you.

Food for thought, not by any means saying this is you but this is what I found to be true for me, when I had the hardest time accepting criticism, I was struggling with perfectionism. Also, during that time I had a difficult time comprehending just because I made a mistake did not mean I was a mistake. I had a difficult time separating my behaviors from who I actually was. The book Seat of the Soul helped me to break through many limiting beliefs that were holding me back during that period of my life.

I hope that you discover what may be contributing to your struggle with criticisms. I can tell you from personal experience it has been liberating breaking free from the stronghold of perfectionism. Wishing you the best.


----------



## n2freedom (Jun 2, 2011)

oops one more thing. I know someone said they didn't think you were a Type 4. But, just in case, I wanted share this excerpt from Riso and Hudson in the Type Four section


> _*Hypersensitivity*_
> 
> Continual fantasizing, self absorption, and negative comparisons lead Fours away from reality-based actions into heightened emotionality and moodiness. As a result, they become hypersensitive or touchy, such that even minor events or offhand statements from others can cause major emotional reactions.
> 
> ...





> *GETTING REALITY CHECKS*
> Get reality checks form people when you are feeling that they are judging, criticizing, or rejecting you. Ask them to clarify what they mean, and allow for the possibility that they may be telling you exactly what they feel. Avoid "overinterpreting" or "overreading" every gesture and comment that others are making. Chances are good that they are not scrutinizing you in this kind of detail. Notice, too, your degree of interest in others and the nature of your comments and thoughts about them. Would you find this acceptable in them?


Hope you are feeling back on the upward swing soon


----------



## My Sweet Stalin (Jun 15, 2011)

n2freedom said:


> Also, during that time I had a difficult time comprehending *just because I made a mistake did not mean I was a mistake.* I had a difficult time separating my behaviors from who I actually was.


This is wonderful advice and a really great quote.


----------



## Dustdevil (Jul 17, 2011)

First of all you should tell people how you are feeling, it can get unhealthy if you don't, as I am sure you know. However, being more choosy with who you share your deep feelings, aspirations and thoughts could help. Being so willing to share with others is a gift and should not be treated lightly. I am so sorry that others have been bearing down on you with negativity.

You should take pride in what you want to become and stick to it regardless of the negativity others force upon you. You were willing to share your aspirations and others slap it back in your face. That is the lowest kind of person, though I am sure they have their reasons for it and might not have meant it to hurt but thought they were helping you. Not that it makes you feel better about it. 
I find it great that you want to have children and run triathlons, that is really a challenge to do. It is rare to find people who actually want to have a family these days. What an magnificent aspiration to have!

Not all Christians are that way, but a lot I know are. However the whole world is your heavenly family!  Just a little harder to connect with sometimes, but could also be easier as well. On the topic of those who just want to argue... I just cut it off when they start getting intense about the subject. I have an uncle who just likes to argue about anything and everything trying to put the other person down no matter the cost. I just say something to jerk him out of his tangent and walk away. I get too emotional in arguments and do see them they way others do. I don't know if it is the same for you, but leaving the childish arguers to each other and finding people who actually want to discuss would be the best option.

You should seek out those who uplift and strengthen you. If you don't know anyone like that, find one. They are rare but they can be found in the right places. Heck if I could help I would, but it is for you to find those people who add to your life and get rid of those who take away from it.
Keep being cool and sorry for the long-winded response that probably didn't help at all because you already knew all of this.


----------



## saffron (Jan 30, 2011)

I've been feeling depressed off and on for over a year now. It's mostly situational, and until some things pass and other things happen (the latter of which is up to me and good fortune), I just have to go through it with good days and bad days. Today was a bad day. I would love to give you an inspired pep talk, but I'm not really feeling too inspired today. @n2freedom did the job and I know it helped me to feel better. 

But I have 4 in my tritype ( I have no idea whether you do as well, it was just mentioned as a possibility), and I know that it's one of the reasons I keep a lot to myself. I would probably consider myself naturally hypersensitive, though not for the reasons stated in the above quote. I'm just sensitive to negativity. I don't fantasize ideal outcomes (usually, lol) and I don't compare myself negatively to others, but I do have a strong physical and sometimes mental or emotional response when others judge me harshly. 

I think I'm an HSP and I've just never had a strong ego or desire to prove myself by todays standards for success. I consider it to be one of my best qualities, but it doesn't play well in society these days. I'm more than capable to do many things intellectually, I have an IQ around 150 give or take. I would just prefer to nurture a child. That's what is important to me and, in my mind, important to society and to hell with anyone who thinks otherwise. I have other intellectual pursuits, but they most often strike me as brain candy rather than important to society and/or fulfilling. But many people just consider me a massive underachiever. And I generally consider them rats in cages running their wheels. 

So, sorry, not inspirational today. But I personally admire your goals. And consider not sharing with everyone. Some people aren't safe, worthy or open minded enough for whatever reason. And also, screw them. Be you.


----------



## frenchie (Jul 7, 2011)

You know, it isn't just you!

I was going through the same problem multiple times. Unfortunately, our perception is our reality and we act on it no matter how skewed it may really be. Here are two examples of how I was right and wrong.

In LA, I would try and hang out with other students in my major. But sadly they would never return my texts or invites to hang out. I ended up thinking they didn't like me when in reality they were busy. Also when I went to parties with them I would get weird looks on their faces like, "where is this man coming from?" And thusly assumed they didn't like me. For the most part they think I'm eccentric but enjoy me for me!

However second example,
During my orientation training, I was relatively alienated by the rest of my OL staff because of a statement I made concerning drinking. I said we need to take a stance on ensuring that these kids who will drink during their freshmen year know the risks whether or not they're good kids or partiers, every other OL was a president/co-chair of a random alphabet soup organization on campus. They were textbook good kids and I was the raging 22 year old alcoholic  I felt really uncomfortable around them and thusly didn't hang out with them. Later on I asked the one cool guy I liked and he said I was right. They were jerks to me and did not appreciate my insights.

I also had a few nervous breakdowns and sought out help for anxiety with my Dr. Dad and a psychiatrist. I've lived with anxiety all of my life thinking it was normal. Well, it isn't! I was prescribed Citalopram for anxiety and I had an almost instant turn around in my quality of life. It has been great.

I would not however suggest going the med route unless you really are struggling like how I was. Hopefully you have a good friend or parent who "gets" you and understands what's going on in your head.

My problem is I'm relatively all alone here at school, well one girl gets me haha. But when we don't have someone to help refocus our intuitive nature we tend to start being grounded by all of the sensors around us. 

Chin up love, they don't really hate you. And keep your head up in the clouds where it belongs!


----------



## r00bic0n (Apr 27, 2011)

So strange that I typed in "really depressed" into Google and found this...

I hope that you're feeling a bit better a day on. Any kind of negative vibes that people give you are more to do with their own perspective than to do with you - it can be so difficult not to adopt and take responsibility for those negative feelings - ENFPs (and many people in other types I'm sure) are very empathetic and the downside of this is that you identify with other people's perspectives _too_ much - this is especially harmful if you're around a person you deeply care about, or a group of people, that are being negative towards you.

My best suggestion would be to spend time with people who bring out and appreciate your strengths, and avoid those who persist in pointing out your weaknesses. You know your weaknesses - and spending time with people who berate you for them is the best way of making things worse. My closest friends bring out my best parts, and I'm sure if I got to spend most of my time with them, the majority of my negative behaviours would eventually wither and die...it's those who make us feel the worst about ourselves that ensure that we stay down.

As @n2freedom said, amongst many other valuable points, there are many people who enjoy putting others down for theirs and others' amusement. Unfortunately even people you love can do this, under the guise of affection or harmless teasing. If somebody does make you feel horrible, the best thing would be to find a time to talk to them privately, and after the emotions have subsided for the most part, explain objectively (without blame) how their behaviour made you feel. They will never stop behaving in a certain way if they do not understand the negative consequences - they may not even realise they hurt you at all. I am actually giving advice that I find very hard to take...confrontation of this nature is always difficult, often seemingly impossible. However, I think it's one of the best ways of helping others to treat you better.

Best of luck, and I hope you start feeling better soon


----------



## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

chickydoda said:


> Ok, so I posted this in the ''NF'' forum, but haven't gotten any responses yet, so I thought I would post it here too and see what you guys had to say.
> 
> Hey
> 
> ...


Hi there. I have 2 ENFP's in real life who I've noticed are very similar like you. One of them is my boyfriend, but i've known and analyzed him for couple years now and I've seen how much optimism he has and big dreams to the point where it seems unrealistic sometimes, especially to realists. I've learned how to deal and motivate ENFP's and feelers in general, even though it doesn't come natural to me, just the fact that I can motivate someone makes me feel good especially when I see that so many people are just downers and pessimistic, and sometimes too realistic...

Here's what you need to understand. Most people are realists. So when you tell someone you want to "be in perfect shape while having kids" or "having the perfect relationship" , just to give a few examples, those things sound "unrealistic" so some people might get annoyed and think you're silly for having such high expectations from life, or yourself.... In fact I used to be one of those people who got annoyed with such idealistic ideas and thoughts that others put out there....but now I see things differently.

The guy I'm with, ENFP, he'll tell me all these things he wants to do and now all I say is "of course babe, we can do that" or "go for it, i'll support you".... I never realized before how much these words meant, just the support from someone and he loves me because I have faith in him to do anything he wants to do. However, it took me a while to get to this point, and most people, I noticed, are not like this at all. 

This is my suggestion. Stop telling random people about your wishes and dreams, they'll only put you down and you'll be less confident in yourself. You must have someone in your life, family, friend, SO...someone who believes in you and supports you in whatever you want to do, if you don't have anyone I really hope you find someone because I noticed it's the only way for you guys to stay motivated....share with the right people, not with everyone.

It's the same for all types really to not be able to share certain things with certain people. Like I can't go around talking about aliens with religious people...just an example, but ya...you get my point? 

Best wishes to you...YOU can do whatever you want to do, keep being a dreamer, that's when you're happiest, let the grouchy people be grouchy, they are the unhappy ones...


----------



## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

I'm not replying to any responses in general just yet. I want to wait it out a bit and reply when I feel a bit better. I had a dream a few hours ago that someone else started up a hate thread about me in the ENFP Boards and alot of the members I have talked to on this site joined in. Crazy? yeah. I guess my self esteem is that low at the moment. I actually had to get out of bed and check that no one had posted anything negative about me. Being paranoid is no way to live. I just wish my mind would stop turning against me while I sleep.



no.anger.just.love said:


> Like I can't go around talking about aliens with religious people...just an example, but ya...you get my point?


 Lol, you can talk to me about them. I'm not sure if they exist, but I'm pretty sure if they do, they would be up to no good, and be a sign of end times. Thats just me though. I find it strange they aren't mentioned in the bible. Or maybe they are, and I just haven't noticed. Maybe ''we're'' the aliens. Maybe theres billions of planets out there with people just like us. Maybe everyone is an alien to someone else. I don't know. Interesting direction for this thread to go in haha. Thanks, I probably needed a distraction.


----------



## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

chickydoda said:


> I'm not replying to any responses in general just yet. I want to wait it out a bit and reply when I feel a bit better. I had a dream a few hours ago that someone else started up a hate thread about me in the ENFP Boards and alot of the members I have talked to on this site joined in. Crazy? yeah. I guess my self esteem is that low at the moment. I actually had to get out of bed and check that no one had posted anything negative about me. Being paranoid is no way to live. I just wish my mind would stop turning against me while I sleep.
> 
> 
> Lol, you can talk to me about them. I'm not sure if they exist, but I'm pretty sure if they do, they would be up to no good, and be a sign of end times. Thats just me though. I find it strange they aren't mentioned in the bible. Or maybe they are, and I just haven't noticed. Maybe ''we're'' the aliens. Maybe theres billions of planets out there with people just like us. Maybe everyone is an alien to someone else. I don't know. Interesting direction for this thread to go in haha. Thanks, I probably needed a distraction.


Ya, I have strange dreams too when I'm in a low point in my life, usually they're about escaping or trying to run away, or i'm walking around with bullets in me, they're usually very weird but I know exactly what they mean when I wake up. It's usually just a bad life situation I'm in and I don't know how to get out of it, stuff like that. I read somewhere that it's actually a good thing to have nightmares because we get rid of some of those negative thoughts and feelings that we carry around with us on a daily basis. Don't know if it's true, but that's what I read 

I've noticed with my bf ENFP that if he dreams something bad, especially if it's about me, he'll be thinking about it all day and it will put him in a really bad mood. That really sucks. I honestly feel bad for most feelers who pay so much attention to such things as dreams, or what others say, or how others feel, etc... that can really bring you guys down and you kinda lose focus on the big picture. 

You have to try to detach a little bit. Don't let negative things bring you down, I know you ENFP's are the biggest optimists out there and can see the bright side in every situation, but you can also get so depressed to the point that you don't know how to get out of it. Also I know that once you're in a depression for a while, you'll get to the point where you get so annoyed with yourself for letting life pass you by while you're sitting there being negative, that you'll just switch back to optimism. So I'm sure eventually you'll get up there again. You just need motivation probably. Do you like being depressed and negative? No...and you might not agree but with this but it's a choice. You can sit there and be depressed or you can say "fuck it" and do something you like to get yourself out of that mode. The world needs positive thinkers like you ENFP's, there are not many positive people out there, so go out in the world and inspire someone with your optimism  that will make you feel much better... 

As to the alien conversation...it was just an example. I don't have a clue whether there are aliens out there or not, as to the bible...not getting into THAT conversation, it's a very touch subject for some believers hah


----------



## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

no.anger.just.love said:


> I don't have a clue whether there are aliens out there or not, as to the bible...not getting into THAT conversation, it's a very touch subject for some believers hah


 Well no one really knows do they? Even God be a delusional some people use to get through their life. Just another big mystery. Hopefully we'll have the answers some days.


----------



## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

chickydoda said:


> Well no one really knows do they? Even God be a delusional some people use to get through their life. Just another big mystery. Hopefully we'll have the answers some days.


Yup, no one knows for sure but we all have the right to believe whatever we choose to. I don't really bother with that too much though, there are a lot of interesting ideas out there, spiritual, past-life, numerology, positive thinking, did you ever watch "the secret"? If you didn't, you can watch it on you-tube. It's very interesting....

Basically even if all the beliefs are different, they have the same conclusion. You get what you ask for. Thinking positive, will get you positive results, thinking negative, will get you that. Whether you're "praying to God", asking "mother nature" or "the universe" for help, support, something you want etc....you still have to BELIEVE that you will get that which you ask for. What you think about most whether it's positive or negative, that's usually what you get. I've practiced it, i've noticed it on others, and I came to the conclusion that it's true. Just seeing the bright side of things makes life funner and easier to go through so why think negatively? It doesn't change anything. Life is still life, we just have to change our perspective.


----------



## run.away.unicorn (Jun 27, 2011)

u r not alone
last 2 weeks n more has been very similar for me
could be global emotional energy going negative thereby requiring each one to generate tremendous self effort to remain focused. grounded. believing in who i am all about.
i am beyond depressed. 
depression is just the surface of the abyss, where there is still some light

criticism stones me too. chokes up my heart/ blinds reality. distorts the meaning of my existence. i do not know what the permanent cure is for it, for me, or ever there is one? 
jogging, dark chocolates helps as an escape route. 
but...
what makes a positive difference is:
- unplug "me" from the setting, view myself as just another fully loaded individual on this planet that is learning the ropes of life
- buy food/snack.give a coin to a poor, some discrete act of charity, to remind myself that there is someone in a worser state than me
- keep loving the one that criticizes. yes it sounds #[email protected]#[email protected], but my conflict avoiding nature helps here, grounds me to do some good than go for avenge or revenge

none of the above is a generic prescription or immediate remedy
just part of how life can be opportunitised for a better frame of mind as nothing is over as long as i am breathing and the heart is beating


----------



## Penemue (Feb 23, 2010)

Ah. Probably the wrong type of person to be offering this kind of advice but here goes *steps out of comfort zone*

First things first, nobody should ever make you want to change your ambitions of becoming a mother and raising a family if it is what you truly want. I think your vision is beautiful and i am glad that strong family values still exist. Many people have gotten too focussed on careers nowadays that they lose sight of their social life and lose many meaningful relationships and friendships. If you want to be a mother, then be the best mother that you can be. And from the sound of your post, it seems you really care about having a family in which case i say go for it.

Secondly, i would reccomend that you form a clear case for your decision, and go straight back to that gym. If you see that lady and she approaches you, it will be much easier to explain your point of view without getting flustered and embarassed, and if it comes to a point where you simply have to agree to disagree then do it. You shouldnt feel the need to flee a gym because of one member being a berk and not understanding your values.

Thirdly, if the members of your church have different core values to you, have you considered going to another church that may be more suited to your beliefs? I would stay away from religious forums, people can tend to be overbearing and zealous because of the anonymity that such forums provide, and don't realise how much their opinions can sometimes hurt and offend other members if they are being to pushy/aggressive. Talk to somebody who maybe isnt christian, but is sympathetic to your beliefs and tell them you need somebody to talk to who is willing to offer advice/support in a nonjudgemental environment.

Lastly, DON'T keep all this to yourself, or it'll simmer and build up and you'll blow up in the face of someone you care about/respect and it'll make things worse (trust me, i've been there). If you need to talk, as i said, talk to a friend, or if you need somebody impartial to talk to then a therapist (or counsellor) or even talk anonymously on this forum like you are and you'll find people in similar boats that can offer help or just a sympathetic ear if you need it.

Message me if you want an ear, or keep it on the forum, either way i'll be glad to help. And tell me if any of this sounds overly cliched. I've asked for help before, and i know sometimes it takes a while to find the right ear, but it'll come. Eventually

*crawls back into corner and breathes deeply. Good Nelly, i think i nearly turned into an F there! *

[Edit: Well this is weird, i only saw 2 other comments until i clicked on refresh just now.... odd. Anywho, there's lots of great advice already on here, chin up]


----------



## My Sweet Stalin (Jun 15, 2011)

I agree with @PenemueINTJ about religious forums. I've never seen one that wasn't at least contentious, if not downright nasty on at least some level, even when the people involved have really good intentions. Internet communication does not bring out the best in people when conflicting views are involved. In fact, one of the best things about religion (any religion) is the sense of community that it provides, and forums just aren't going to have that vital factor that makes the other things (like some differences in values or understanding) go much better.

I also agree that it may be worth it to seek out a different congregation, if the one you're at is putting dogma or orthodoxy ahead of community. I know that's not an easy thing to do or even consider, but to me at least religion (or any search for meaning) is such a deeply personal thing that you have to be in a place where you feel comfortable and safe in order to really do it. I'm coming at this from a Unitarian Universalist perspective, which is probably a bit different from yours, but if it's any use to you at all I thought I'd mention that one of the most interesting things my own minister said about the word "Christian" is that until fairly recently it meant anyone who followed the teachings of Jesus, as opposed to someone who just agreed with a particular statement of belief and went to a particular kind of church.


----------



## Modifier (Aug 17, 2011)

Since if i say something you will take it as an offence but i do wana say that cherish what you have a few ups and downs are in everyones life


----------

