# I envy pretty girls and feminine looking guys with long hair. What do you guys think?



## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

I feel a little sad when I walk in the campus of my sixth form, simply because of these people. I can't even watch some TV shows, because I envy the characters in them. For instance, I can't watch Adventure Time, because I envy Princess Bubblegum and Marceline, and I can't watch Victorious because I envy Jade and Beck.

I think guys look stupid. Looking at couples, the stark differences in hair length these days (because short hair is in again, sadly) bewilders me. Guys just look stupid with their short hair and big bodies; their heads look like vestigial appendages on the top of an apple-like body in some cases. I like how girls' bodies look like it flows together better, starting from the head. The hair pretty much makes a slower contrast between their hair and their body.

I also hate how guys seem to be really lazy nowadays, in addition to being ugly. Girls are increasingly able to do stuff they would have been berated for in the past, and are doing it better than guys, such as getting an education, getting fit, making better use of their time and playing musical instruments. Guys also seem to have this "I deserve it all" attitude and personality which I hate.
I envy the sort of clothes they get to wear. They can get away with punk-like accesories such as studded belts and spikes on clothing and still be considered alright. They can dye their hair without being considered "gay". I get annoyed by how boys only wear long hair at the ages of 3 and 4, and then it gets shorter and shorter until they can't grow any more hair. This implies a guy has to have short hair and can't look feminine. There's this bomber jacket that my mum bought for me when she went shopping in a charity store, but I kind of don't like it, because it looks too dominating (my personality's the opposite; I act like a child, and would much rather look like a twink or a girl rather than an obese middle-aged man and hence look like a hairy baby).

I also envy lesbians. Considering they're most willing to do traditionally masculine stuff and look androgynous, and considering how they could potentially "convert" straight girls (according to Milo Yiannopoulis, anyway). I don't know why, but as well as them, only gay couples these days also look androgynous. I have yet to see a straight couple who looks like a blend of each other or something, stupid gender dichotomy.

While I relate to guys quite easily due to sharing their interests and experiences, unless we share a lot in common or have a decent personality, I find it a little hard to like them and especially their personality. Unfortunately, they're a little far and few, so I tend to hate them in general.

What do you think of this, PerC, because this could be a distraction when I go back to school tomorrow?


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## mental blockstack (Dec 15, 2011)

Be a manchild, easy solution.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

GYX_Kid said:


> Be a manchild, easy solution.


Already doin' that, what's the next step?


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## mental blockstack (Dec 15, 2011)

wxns said:


> Already doin' that, what's the next step?


Well if you're wondering about style, maybe experiment with hair length and clothing, see how it goes, and find the one that works the best? It won't necessarily be perceived as feminine if you pull it off without a feminine attitude, for example look at those Kiss-esque hard rock bands. But developing that level of style + attitude probably takes more experience (for me as well) so it might be a good idea to start smaller with less extreme style, less extreme attitude to keep congruency.

And then as for people to surround yourself with, just look at whether or not they're likable as a person. Even the ones who suck at first might end up having some commonality or something to learn from. They also might just suck, too, but it can be interesting to explore!


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

GYX_Kid said:


> Well if you're wondering about style, maybe experiment with hair length and clothing, see how it goes, and find the one that works the best? It won't necessarily be perceived as feminine if you pull it off without a feminine attitude, for example look at those Kiss-esque hard rock bands. But developing that level of style + attitude probably takes more experience (for me as well) so it might be a good idea to start smaller with less extreme style, less extreme attitude to keep congruency.
> 
> And then as for people to surround yourself with, just look at whether or not they're likable as a person. Even the ones who suck at first might end up having some commonality or something to learn from. They also might just suck, too, but it can be interesting to explore!


I don't know if I can do this into my twenties though. I might not have the body and the hair for this in my thirties, and, unless I am certain I'm transgender by that point, I'd be expected to have a more traditionally masculine look especially as people in that age range often hold down jobs in higher positions and have to look more masculine. I'd be worried I couldn't express myself in the way I wanted when I could by that time. The only way I can grow my hair long is to disguise balding.

My parents are stopping me from growing my hair, and in a way, my genes (my hair isn't straight) and the way I take care of them are also. I'm also having problems losing weight (especially because I tend to eat a lot quickly after going to my school's gym, and I'm not that interested in exercise in the weekends or the holidays, and I'm a bit scared to go out from what I've done) and I can't seem to keep facial and body hair off of me for longer than around 6-12 hours.

I also want my hair long because I hate my face. I also hate how I randomly smile and look like a crazy idiot just because I remember something funny while I'm walking around or something.

I'd try to buy some clothing that'd make me look androgynous, but I'd be wasting my parents' money (I only get pocket money for the bare necessities, such as to pay for getting to school if I can't rely on getting dropped off and picked up, but sometimes I'd have change left over for other stuff), and I usually buy only tank tops and skinny jeans as they're the closest thing a guy can wear to resemble a girl and are the most fun clothes to wear for my gender (skinny shorts are in for guys, and are annoyingly modest and look uncomfortable at least compared with other shorts; I also don't like my legs). I don't have a good eye, nor a good body on what makes me look androgynous. I'd get strange looks if I intentionally tried on some women's clothing.


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## mental blockstack (Dec 15, 2011)

Live more in the present and realize that nobody else notices/cares about these things as much as you do.

I'm not sure exactly what it is you're trying to express with style, but I can say that it will be more positive to focus on awesomeifying rather than on hiding perceived flaws.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

GYX_Kid said:


> Live more in the present and realize that nobody else notices/cares about these things as much as you do.
> 
> I'm not sure exactly what it is you're trying to express with style, but I can say that it will be more positive to focus on awesomeifying rather than on hiding perceived flaws.


I want to look like the guy on the right with the gay couple kissing, simply because he could look like a girl from a distance and with little effort.

Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk


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## chinook (Sep 3, 2015)

Go for whatever you feel like, if it doesn't work out. You just learned something more about yourself and life. Can only lose if fear holds you back.


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## Ermenegildo (Feb 25, 2014)

*One of Our Beloved Male Privileges: Short Hair Forever! *

It is certainly irritating for you as a feeler to be surrounded by a sea of male thinkers. But your negativity doesn't match the Enneagram Seven. Maybe your not so convincing aesthetic considerations have a hidden agenda?



> unless I am certain I'm transgender by that point


Perhaps you should take the bull by the horns and explore your transgender options instead of belittling male minimalism?


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

wxns said:


> I feel a little sad when I walk in the campus of my sixth form, simply because of these people. I can't even watch some TV shows, because I envy the characters in them. For instance, I can't watch Adventure Time, because I envy Princess Bubblegum and Marceline, and I can't watch Victorious because I envy Jade and Beck.
> 
> I think guys look stupid. Looking at couples, the stark differences in hair length these days (because short hair is in again, sadly) bewilders me. Guys just look stupid with their short hair and big bodies; their heads look like vestigial appendages on the top of an apple-like body in some cases. I like how girls' bodies look like it flows together better, starting from the head. The hair pretty much makes a slower contrast between their hair and their body.
> 
> ...


Several things to address:

First of all, beware Envy. Envy is a thief who blinds one from potential and opportunity while robbing them of their hidden gifts. Push past the layer of envy and self-consciousness and examine the anxiety and fear pushing them forward. 

Which ties into my next point: altering your body image may not bring immediate happiness. Beauty is only skin deep. Women who get breast implants and cosmetic surgery are often just as depressed afterwards as they were before. Watch out for pinning your hopes of happiness on an altered appearance. Buying the right clothes, fitting into a type, looking a certain way...while these things certainly make us feel good and confident they do not bring happiness. I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue attiring yourself as you feel or want to be perceived- you should dress to please yourself. But if you think that buying the right clothes and looking a certain way is going to bring you happiness you are in for a terrible ride, my friend. And from the tone of your post what it sounds like you are struggling with is the very essence of self-worth and happiness. 

Finally, your resentment for western masculine attire, while valid, seems to resonate strongly and I wonder why. The Western masculine image is a very small sample of how men look and behave in the rest of the world. I'm not saying you're not trans or queer but don't allow your manhood to be defined by the limited perspective of what is otherwise a pretty jock/meat-headed, Roman-eque culture that has some hyperphobias and taboos surrounding masculine image. In many world cultures, ancient and otherwise, men's hair was value among other things. Before deciding whether you are trans make sure you have examined other cultures examples of masculine identity, dress and behavior. Again, not discouraging you from the metro-sexual, or trans pathways of being, but do some research and reflection.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

I honestly didn't know what to expect from this thread. However I was pleasantly surprised. No advice except be who you are, hard to do in the teen years but you'll get there eventually. Anyway, interesting thoughts.


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

I envy girls who get mistaken for guys all the time, and I'm orgasmically attracted to feminine-looking guys.


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

If you can, do. I've always had long hair until recently, and I really miss it. No one worth knowing judges you for it, that's for certain.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

Tetsuo Shima said:


> I envy girls who get mistaken for guys all the time, and I'm orgasmically attracted to feminine-looking guys.


I envy guys who look like girls. Unfortunately, that "look" isn't in these days, and I reckon only gay guys tend to have that look anyway

Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

sweetraglansweater said:


> Several things to address:
> 
> First of all, beware Envy. Envy is a thief who blinds one from potential and opportunity while robbing them of their hidden gifts. Push past the layer of envy and self-consciousness and examine the anxiety and fear pushing them forward.
> 
> ...


I consider this guy to be the sort I want to emulate, but I'm annoyed that only guys with this sort of hair at that length are most often gay (after visiting his blog, and blogs of those who have the same hairstyle; forgot his Tumblr because I only went there quickly), and this implies that straight guys can't look like this.

I also tend to prefer women's hygiene products (deodorants, shampoo, lotion); I think guys' toiletries are a bit fake and only make them smell "good". Then again, I got used to women's hygiene products, because we didn't have a lot of kids' shampoos when I was young.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Why don't you just do what you want? if you're unhappy about something with yourself then just change it :/


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

wxns said:


> I envy guys who look like girls. Unfortunately, that "look" isn't in these days, and I reckon only gay guys tend to have that look anyway
> 
> Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk


In sub-cutures it's always been sort of the "in" I think. You know, it's if anything the proto-typical starving artist look. Especially nowadays, there's more of a diverse selection and I think that many people are looking into different periods of time and picking/mixing things together.


There's really not that much of a set or standard look anymore, I don't think.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

GhostShadow said:


> Why don't you just do what you want? if you're unhappy about something with yourself then just change it :/


I can only hope I move out and lose weight soon. If I move out, I won't have my parents controlling me as much 

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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

wxns said:


> I envy guys who look like girls. Unfortunately, that "look" isn't in these days, and I reckon only gay guys tend to have that look anyway
> 
> Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk


It's certainly in these days in Japan.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

Tetsuo Shima said:


> It's certainly in these days in Japan.


I wish people could draw their cultural influences completely from Japan and South Korea. Unfortunately, though, they seem to like American culture and want to copy _them_; I've seen a few Japanese students wearing that stupid quiff when I was on a bus to town.


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

wxns said:


> I wish people could draw their cultural influences completely from Japan and South Korea. Unfortunately, though, they seem to like American culture and want to copy _them_; I've seen a few Japanese students wearing that stupid quiff when I was on a bus to town.


Yeah, even Japan has its American-inspired subcultures.


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

Go buy that XXL sized Japanese school girl outfit, defy gender stereotype.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

marblecloud95 said:


> Go buy that XXL sized Japanese school girl outfit, defy gender stereotype.


I'd love to go and buy a French maid outfit. I think I'd be between a size 12 or 16 in the UK.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Envious? About hair? It's just hair. It grows back. Who fives a fuck really? I cut mine at least once a year regardless of what is fashionable.

Look how you want to while keeping your environment in mind. Don't have a certain hair cut just to please others or look nice.

I keep changing all the time, I don't give two fucks, it's a great freedom. Just look at it.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

one of my friends has beautiful soft curly hair and I am jelly of him lol


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

ForestPaix said:


> one of my friends has beautiful soft curly hair and I am jelly of him lol


Don't be. It's really hard to take care of.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

@Snake Aya, you're flippin' adorable! :kitteh:


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Snake Aya said:


> Don't be. It's really hard to take care of.


I just wish I had lovely soft hair lol


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Swede said:


> @_Snake Aya_ , you're flippin' adorable! :kitteh:


Thank you!











@ForestPaix Too much work.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

Snake Aya said:


> Envious? About hair? It's just hair. It grows back.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

yet another intj said:


>


I don't understand the big deal with long hair. It just grows. It's actually healthier to cut it.


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

Snake Aya said:


> I don't understand the big deal with long hair. It just grows. It's actually healthier to cut it.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

Blue Soul said:


>


My hair isn't even that pretty. It gives me too much work when it's long.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar (Apr 9, 2015)

The guy at 0:44 is practically my role model when it comes to looks.

I remember I had an unpleasant episode with my evil ex-father (a traitor and a long time alimony dodger) he said some kind of alien thing about how I want to impose my looks on employers. I fucking hate aliens and their alien twisted thoughts. I'd love to cleanse this holy earth of their vile existence.
He said that he won't help me out with his business contacts (I was looking to start a job in IT after I lost my scholarship and my mother's company had a very bad year, so I was left without job and money).
Insolent worm. As if he wasn't a pathetic traitor and degenerate that deserves to have his cut throat and to be kicked down the stairs of a pyramid.
He really shouldn't be thinking such thoughts about his betters.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

@wxns
dude, if you want to have long hair, no one is stopping you


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## Purple Skies (Aug 31, 2015)

Are you envious because your hair _won't_ grow? 

There are plenty of guys who have long hair, who pull it off. Take someone like Jared Leto for example, he's known for experimenting with different hairstyles, a bit like Rihanna. 










































And he's not gay. 

Granted, he's an attractive guy and is also in a band so girls will like him even if he does have wacky hairstyle choices but the point is, you have the freedom to look what you want to look like, you may be judged a little but so what, isn't everyone? What about those who have an eccentric personality? They get judged just for being them.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

Luna Medlock said:


> Are you envious because your hair _won't_ grow?
> 
> There are plenty of guys who have long hair, who pull it off. Take someone like Jared Leto for example, he's known for experimenting with different hairstyles, a bit like Rihanna.
> 
> ...


Still living with parents, and my hair just won't grow down; unfortunately, I could put more effort by combing it every day, which I am kinda doing. The only way I could have it straightened, I think, would be using this shampoo, but that's expensive.


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## Purple Skies (Aug 31, 2015)

wxns said:


> Still living with parents, and my hair just won't grow down; unfortunately, I could put more effort by combing it every day, which I am kinda doing. The only way I could have it straightened, I think, would be using this shampoo, but that's expensive.


Find out more about your hair type and which products work best on it (not just shampoos). If your hair won't grow to the length you want it too then you can't really do much about that except maybe get extensions if you're comfortable enough.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Funny, I've always felt that way towards cross dressers, and drag queens. XD In fact, a part of me was disappointed when Andrej Pejic came out as being trans, since we have a serious lack of androgynous/feminine male models (well, males, period). I sometimes wonder if a few of those who would have "rocked the boat" normally are pressured into going "all the way".

A lot of gendered norms *are* stupid. What's most frustrating is how many guys seem to be oblivious towards them, or actively promote traditional meathead lifestyles. As for long hair, mine used to be down my back, but I've found a nice middle ground where it can be below my ears and neck, but not so long that I have to wait hours for it to dry, or sweat like a dog in the summer heat.

What's reassuring is how many insecurities other people have, and/or what you have that they might be envious of! Like I'm small and slim - not the greatest for being a linebacker, which I have no interest in, anyway, but perfect for other roles.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

I'm annoyed how people assume I'm transphobic because I'm a little saddened by Andrea Pejic's transition, but this is the point I'm trying to make here. I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel this way.


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## Aya the Abysswalker (Mar 23, 2012)

wxns said:


> Still living with parents, and my hair just won't grow down; unfortunately, I could put more effort by combing it every day, which I am kinda doing. The only way I could have it straightened, I think, would be using this shampoo, but that's expensive.


Don't kinda do it. Just do it. If you neglect your hair you'll have to cut it short.


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## Kurt Wagner (Aug 2, 2014)

wxns said:


> I don't know if I can do this into my twenties though. I might not have the body and the hair for this in my thirties, and, unless I am certain I'm transgender by that point, I'd be expected to have a more traditionally masculine look especially as people in that age range often hold down jobs in higher positions and have to look more masculine.


Men in their thirties can look just as good with long hair, even better if their jawlines develop nicely.










One thing I was always sure of is that I wouldn't let my job determine how I acted and looked when not working. I trust my brain to find a way around this problem, it's often good at this stuff. Besides, people nowadays are much more interested in what you can do, not how you look.



> I also want my hair long because I hate my face. I also hate how I randomly smile and look like a crazy idiot just because I remember something funny while I'm walking around or something.


I can understand that. The difference between my short-haired and long-haired selves is fucking huge, I'm not cutting it. But you should learn to love the second part. Quirks make people like you, I've found.

edit: what on earth was that with Szubrasznikarazar?


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## Kurt Wagner (Aug 2, 2014)

wxns said:


> My parents are stopping me from growing my hair.


Why? And what's the worst they can do if you rebel?


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

Luke Skywalker said:


> wxns said:
> 
> 
> > My parents are stopping me from growing my hair.
> ...


I don't know, but they're in enough stress already. They want me to look neat and tidy, but I barely look like that with long hair; either that, or they just don't want me growing it long because of our more socially conservative culture (my dad actually wanted long hair because of Bon Jovi I reckon, but he stuck with short hair from his father a while after having long hair, and is getting bald).


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## Kurt Wagner (Aug 2, 2014)

wxns said:


> I don't know, but they're in enough stress already. They want me to look neat and tidy, but I barely look like that with long hair; either that, or they just don't want me growing it long because of our more socially conservative culture (my dad actually wanted long hair because of Bon Jovi I reckon, but he stuck with short hair from his father a while after having long hair, and is getting bald).


You can hide it until you find a way to make it tidy. But I would advise seeing how far you can go before they flip out about the whole thing, if they're like this. And unless you live in Iran and are supposed to wear a burka I don't see why you should be too concerned about other people. You mostly get odd looks but they don't hurt if you know you're fabulous. :wink:

Besides, in my experience guys who look more handsome with long hair are generally more welcomed when they grow it out.

Take your risks, go as far as you dare, don't give a damn crap about how others see you because you generally occupy a tiny little space in their minds if at all. And you are entering the period in your life when you'll look your best, you have the opportunity to look damn good now, grab it by the horns.

Go for it.


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