# Please help me write an apology letter to a friend



## LostTheMarbles (Mar 4, 2012)

I need help, I’m tired of my friendships falling apart, this last one’s really hurt me because it’s someone I felt really close to, I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to get her back. Since we argued I’ve done plenty of stuff to drive her further away, it’s about time I gave up making things worse and asked for some outside help in the hope that I can fix things.

I need help writing an apology letter, I’m terrible with these things, haven’t even got a clue where to start, I’d like to explain to her why I did what I did and make her understand why I did it. She lives in a different country so I can’t just buy her stuff or anything like that.

A quick summary of my mistakes/stupidity:


We were friends and towards the end of our time together I asked her if she could see us ever being more than just friends.
She got upset, said no and walked away, said she’d be back later that day but never came back.
I messaged her on Facebook and she said we could still be friends but she didn’t think it was smart being together at this point.
3 days later as she was set to leave the country I tracked her down at her new hotel and tried to fix things but it didn’t go great. Later she told me that she was scared of me, she didn’t know me well enough to be sure I wasn’t a threat (I still don’t understand this, I maybe should have considered her anxiety issues?)
I messaged her when I got home a few days later, we talked alright but we still weren’t comfortable, she dropped a few hints at what (Who) really upset her when I went to the hotel but was probably just testing my reaction. 
I kind of got the idea into my head that there was something else she wanted to tell me so I kept pushing but she just got more defensive, started telling me I didn’t really know her and that I should never have tried helping her because she doesn’t need it. She also started going on about how she hates men and doesn’t need them because we keep telling her who she should be.
I tried a few more ways to fix our friendship (Taking the blame, reminding her of the good things, trying to rationalize things and even tried building trust by telling her some secrets) but nothing worked, it actually made things worse since she still thinks distance is the answer.


It’s been hard for me losing her, I tried to resist sending her messages but my mind’s a mess right now, I just haven’t got the strength to fight the impulses telling me to try fixing things.

So, any help with ideas or tips for an apology letter would be appreciated, I'm not going to send it straight away if I can resist., maybe give her a bit of a break first. I was kind of hoping there'd be a way to explain how my ADHD effects me when it comes to being told to stand back and wait.

General advice is also appreciated even if it’s via PM.

Once this is all over I’m going to give in, get my ADHD treated, I can handle it with work and general living but friendship is the one thing I can't stand it damaging. Even if I have to become a drugged up zombie, I can’t stand the pain of driving away more friends.


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## Laguna (Mar 21, 2012)

It seems she is really freaked out and looking at you as stalkerish. yikes  sorry

If you must, keep it short- to the point- simple- sincere.

I'm sorry for anything I said that hurt you / bothered you.
Maintaining your friendship would mean a lot to me- so I hope that we can. I would be honored to remain your friend.
You can always reach me at: xxxxxx
I wish you all the very best.

That is about all you can do. I would not belabor minutae details. She seems pretty freaked out.
Good luck and try not to obsess about it. It's much out of your control. 
If she chooses not to reciprocate, you can't control that. Trust me- I know this feeling. You have to let go no matter how much it hurts. Best wishes!


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## Liga (May 7, 2013)

You do come across stalkerish :S Tracking her down and going to her hotel? 

Anyway, I would'nt send her a letter within the next few weeks, give her time (and yourself). 

Also, I guess someone should say it and well, I'm sorry but even if you manage to fix this it will never be the same and you'll be on thin ice for at least a decade not making things a lot easier and maybe even worse for yourself considering you will be seeing her from time to time. I also thinks she wants to keep distance to be sure you get the chance to move on if you can instead of holding you as a pet dog that gives her attention whenever she wants. You could see the distance thing as a sign of respect and sign that she does like you, except not the way you would like her to. 

Broken hearts are the worst, try not to become bitter or afraid to love again and remember that *no feeling is forever. *


Any woman/girls that have any advice for him?


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## LostTheMarbles (Mar 4, 2012)

Liga said:


> You do come across stalkerish :S Tracking her down and going to her hotel?


At this point we were actually really close friends, there's no way you would ever have guessed that she'd react that way, I think I'm starting to understand it though.


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## turtleducks (Jul 13, 2011)

I agree with @Liga, and I think you need to ask yourself if you are apologizing for her or if you're apologizing because it's going to make you feel better. If it's the latter, leave her alone for a while at least.


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## LostTheMarbles (Mar 4, 2012)

turtleducks said:


> I agree with @_Liga_, and I think you need to ask yourself if you are apologizing for her or if you're apologizing because it's going to make you feel better. If it's the latter, leave her alone for a while at least.


Honestly, I think she's actually just being unreasonable and thought that maybe taking the blame would help her see me as the good guy.

I know I've done stuff wrong but I really don't understand what's gone on and why things have gotten so bad


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## turtleducks (Jul 13, 2011)

LostTheMarbles said:


> Honestly, I think she's actually just being unreasonable and thought that maybe taking the blame would help her see me as the good guy.
> 
> I know I've done stuff wrong but I really don't understand what's gone on and why things have gotten so bad


Hmm, I don't know, I have a bad feeling about you writing anything to her at this point...if she wants distance from you, you should respect that, even if you're not satisfied with her explanation.


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## LostTheMarbles (Mar 4, 2012)

turtleducks said:


> Hmm, I don't know, I have a bad feeling about you writing anything to her at this point...if she wants distance from you, you should respect that, even if you're not satisfied with her explanation.


I know distance is probably the best option but it just messes with my ADHD and Anxiety issues so badly, it's ironic really, it's her ADHD and anxiety that brought us together and now mine's driven us apart, typical


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## Liga (May 7, 2013)

Just leave her be, with some luck she'll realise what she is missing and come back. Don't try to be the good guy because that is not how this works. Keeping distance might be hard at this point but if you don't you will be feeling way worse afterwards.


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