# I feel so unmotivated



## Kyungsooklee (Jun 8, 2021)

I want to improve myself mentally, because ive been feeling down lately, but sometimes i dont feel like i deserve it since i dont even know what my problem is and compared to other people struggling my problem is nothing, i just feel so tired from socializing. I want to feel better but my problem is nothing, and watching people in movies get better makes me want to be better, but just like i said i dont even know what my problem is. Sometimes i want to take a break from everything and disappear for one year to make myself better but i cant since im senior in high school, and we will see if i can take sometime off after graduating but knowing my parents they wont let me. I also want someone to be my side, i may sound selfish but i wNt that person only have me. But still i dont know where to start and know my problem so advice please


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

You don't know what the problem is, or the problem is that socializing tires you and you don't know why?

If you feel like it's a small problem, you can ask your family, friends, etc. (anyone who's had the opportunity to observe you) whether they've noticed anything about you that can help you figure out the problem. Also maybe search online for information about similar problems, but don't take the Internet information too seriously; mostly just use it to help you get an idea of what's possibly bothering you.

If it's a bigger problem or you still can't figure it out after exploring it, you could try asking a school counselor or even a therapist.

You have to figure out the "what" and the "why" before you look for a solution.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Sorry you're feeling down. I suggest you start small, with something you like. Do you like any kind of exercise? Enjoying nature -- even simple things like clouds, a tree, or the wind? How about word games or math games? Something just for you.

Good luck.


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## Azmar (Jan 3, 2021)

Kyungsooklee said:


> sometimes i dont feel like i deserve it since i dont even know what my problem is and compared to other people struggling my problem is nothing


that's a lie you told yourself.Be aware of how you lie to yourself.How do you know your problem is nothing compared to other people if you don't know the problem is? the problem is you try to live in your feelings not in truth.In other words,rationalization.You are probably are not emotionally mature because of your childhood maybe but that does not matter.As an infj,I will always feel bad about myself but helping others makes me feel good about myself temporarily because of my short term memory(Se) hence i need to help others constantly(btw,that's the reason they help others tbh as they crave recognition well it's actually 50-50,gain recognition while benefiting others but not as much as Fe dom would).It's selfish but it's a responsible type of selfish and that's okay we are human that's normal.Heck,i would even say infj are probably the least selfish out of all the types except for a mature enfp.If you're a Ti user just make sure your feelings doesn't blind your logic and if you're an Fi user make sure that it doesn't blind what opinions are accurate.


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

Perhaps it’s a physical well-being issue? My IBS caused me to have similar concerns like yours…


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## Art-demure (Sep 13, 2021)

Kyungsooklee said:


> I want to improve myself mentally, because ive been feeling down lately, but sometimes i dont feel like i deserve it since i dont even know what my problem is and compared to other people struggling my problem is nothing, i just feel so tired from socializing. I want to feel better but my problem is nothing, and watching people in movies get better makes me want to be better, but just like i said i dont even know what my problem is. Sometimes i want to take a break from everything and disappear for one year to make myself better but i cant since im senior in high school, and we will see if i can take sometime off after graduating but knowing my parents they wont let me. I also want someone to be my side, i may sound selfish but i wNt that person only have me. But still i dont know where to start and know my problem so advice please


It's good that you want to improve yourself . My advice for you is to start being active, join activities or spend your time doing hobbies for yourself. Write a journal about your daily life (cliche I know, even if a journal is considered to be a girl thing sometimes, it actually helps you to look back at yourself later). Write down the things you are grateful for and the things you need to improve on when it comes to your habits. Eventually, your negative emotions will gradually fade away. Work hard by just doing it, so it'll cast off your idle behavior.

And no, I don't think that's selfish. You desire someone who can be by your side, who will treat you well, and who can truly give you love and happiness. Hopefully, you will find that someone.


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## Kyungsooklee (Jun 8, 2021)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> You don't know what the problem is, or the problem is that socializing tires you and you don't know why?
> 
> If you feel like it's a small problem, you can ask your family, friends, etc. (anyone who's had the opportunity to observe you) whether they've noticed anything about you that can help you figure out the problem. Also maybe search online for information about similar problems, but don't take the Internet information too seriously; mostly just use it to help you get an idea of what's possibly bothering you.
> 
> ...


Im really tired of socializing with people, even if i want to talk abt my problems i feel like they will be on my side just for the moment and not care in the future , ik i sound childish


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## Kyungsooklee (Jun 8, 2021)

Celtsincloset said:


> Perhaps it’s a physical well-being issue? My IBS caused me to have similar concerns like yours…


I dont think so


islandlight said:


> Sorry you're feeling down. I suggest you start small, with something you like. Do you like any kind of exercise? Enjoying nature -- even simple things like clouds, a tree, or the wind? How about word games or math games? Something just for you.
> 
> Good luck.


ill try, thanks


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## Kyungsooklee (Jun 8, 2021)

Artgirl said:


> It's good that you want to improve yourself . My advice for you is to start being active, join activities or spend your time doing hobbies for yourself. Write a journal about your daily life (cliche I know, even if a journal is considered to be a girl thing sometimes, it actually helps you to look back at yourself later). Write down the things you are grateful for and the things you need to improve on when it comes to your habits. Eventually, your negative emotions will gradually fade away. Work hard by just doing it, so it'll cast off your idle behavior.
> 
> And no, I don't think that's selfish. You desire someone who can be by your side, who will treat you well, and who can truly give you love and happiness. Hopefully, you will find that someone.


One of my friend in my squad, her dad died, so i dont want to be burden towards my squad, since compared to losing her dad, mine is nothing.
Im really tired of socializing with people, even if i want to talk abt my problems i feel like they will be on my side just for the moment and not care in the future , ik i sound childish. I want to take break from everything, but like i mentioned im a senior i cant. Everything annoys me,


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## Art-demure (Sep 13, 2021)

Azmar said:


> It's selfish but it's a responsible type of selfish and that's okay we are human that's normal


I can't help, but question what you meant by this. Please tell me how is that selfish when you are giving service to others?



Azmar said:


> As an infj,I will always feel bad about myself but helping others makes me feel good about myself temporarily because of my short term memory(Se) hence i need to help others constantly(btw,that's the reason they help others tbh as they crave recognition well it's actually 50-50,gain recognition while benefiting others but not as much as Fe dom would).


Well, idk not everyone craves recognition or status when they've done good. It doesn't really matter about their type. In the end, it is their true intention.


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## Kyungsooklee (Jun 8, 2021)

Artgirl said:


> I can't help, but question what you meant by this. Please tell me how is that selfish when you are giving service to others?
> 
> 
> Well, idk not everyone craves recognition or status when they've done good. It doesn't really matter about their type. In the end, it is their true intention.


I used to write a journal


Artgirl said:


> It's good that you want to improve yourself . My advice for you is to start being active, join activities or spend your time doing hobbies for yourself. Write a journal about your daily life (cliche I know, even if a journal is considered to be a girl thing sometimes, it actually helps you to look back at yourself later). Write down the things you are grateful for and the things you need to improve on when it comes to your habits. Eventually, your negative emotions will gradually fade away. Work hard by just doing it, so it'll cast off your idle behavior.
> 
> And no, I don't think that's selfish. You desire someone who can be by your side, who will treat you well, and who can truly give you love and happiness. Hopefully, you will find that someone.


i used to write a journal but it mostly was my vent notebook


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## Azmar (Jan 3, 2021)

Artgirl said:


> how is that selfish when you are giving service to others?


take an infj for example,they always feel bad about themselves because they feel like they are useless so what are the natural thing for any Fe type would do? they would go out of their way to help others just to feel good about themselves..*It's called extraverted feeling for a reason,it's because they seek external validation that they are good people by people telling them or recognize as such *because they themselves can't,well later on they might after they develop their neural pathway that develop their Fi function in their unconscious when they get a little bit older.They are not aware of it that much that they feel that way or just in denial because it's in their Fi critic (based on 8 cognitive model from john beebe) which sits in their unconcious.What interesting is that most of the time infj do feel like they are not worthy of such recognition (so they procrastinate as they don't want recognition from others as they seen it as being selfish which is a lie they tell themselves because irl they want it just they can't handle being selfish).They need to learn that whether they are feeling good or not does not matter if they are an infj as they have Ti which is logic so they need to know that if they know they are going to feel good about it later after helping others than accept that they deserve it because they have done good to others, that's what is called being responsibly selfish because in return you get something out of it while you give something to others.Compare to an Fi user they don't have to help others that much to feel good themselves.The number reason most infj type get into depression is because they don't allow themselves to be selfish in a responsible way that doesn't affect others so they procrastinate(50-50),number two is probably because they don't follow what they think is meaningful to them followed by rejection by others.Fe user also use covert contract with others which means that if i help you,you need to help me back when i need it espeacially Fe dom.

Now compare that to Te user,they don't crave recogntion,they crave status like gives them credit to them as they want others to think highly (Ti) of them not value(Fi) them like an Fe user want as Te user can value themselves as they have Fi.They want people to say they are smart,well they get off too by people telling them they are good people but they already know that so telling they are smart is more valueble to them.Vice versa for Fe user as Ti user knows they are smart but not sure if they are good people.



Artgirl said:


> not everyone craves recognition or status when they've done good.


True but usually they are in denial as they don't want to be selfish,it hurts them but they don't care,usually it's from an Fe aux.Recognition does not have to be explicit it can also be well implicit.I have met tons of estp when they help me they are so butthurt,that i don't respond how they expect me to respond.They would say why you so stress bro,i have help you and they said that i'm ungrateful even though i have said thank you but to them it's not enough as they are aware of my emotions.The reason is that they feel my stress and expect me to respond energetically like an enfp would.Fi aux are the master at showing gratitude towards other and they expect me to behave the same way emotionally.But later on,Fe dom or any fe user will learn that they'll help others despite not getting recognition(they will still help others but won't get butthurt about it if you get what i mean) with Fe aux learn it first(usually).Even without learning it,they still put helping others as their first priorities even though they are going to be butthurt about it if they are going to get unwanted respond from others.


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## NipNip (Apr 16, 2015)

It's a phase


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Kyungsooklee said:


> I want to improve myself mentally, because ive been feeling down lately, but sometimes i dont feel like i deserve it since i dont even know what my problem is and compared to other people struggling my problem is nothing, i just feel so tired from socializing. I want to feel better but my problem is nothing, and watching people in movies get better makes me want to be better, but just like i said i dont even know what my problem is. Sometimes i want to take a break from everything and disappear for one year to make myself better but i cant since im senior in high school, and we will see if i can take sometime off after graduating but knowing my parents they wont let me. I also want someone to be my side, i may sound selfish but i wNt that person only have me. But still i dont know where to start and know my problem so advice please


Take a deep breath. One thing at a time. Why are you trying to be something you don't feel like being? If your heart isn't in it, why make the effort? You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You are you. Live your truth. Don't try to live someone else's for them. Being authentic to yourself will likely help you find what you are looking for.


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## Angry-Spaghetti (Feb 25, 2021)

Have purpose in your life. Go for a walk once every week. Do something. Then build from there, it's your choice whether you flourish or wilt away in the shadows.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Kyungsooklee said:


> I want to improve myself mentally, because ive been feeling down lately, but sometimes i dont feel like i deserve it since i dont even know what my problem is and compared to other people struggling my problem is nothing, i just feel so tired from socializing. I want to feel better but my problem is nothing, and watching people in movies get better makes me want to be better, but just like i said i dont even know what my problem is. Sometimes i want to take a break from everything and disappear for one year to make myself better but i cant since im senior in high school, and we will see if i can take sometime off after graduating but knowing my parents they wont let me. I also want someone to be my side, i may sound selfish but i wNt that person only have me. But still i dont know where to start and know my problem so advice please


Well you said watching people in movies get better makes you want to get better.

Maybe you could revisit the movie you watched and ask yourself questions like:

What do I like about who this person becomes?
How do I relate to this person? What do I find I can identify of myself and how I am--or what I am afraid to be or what I desire to do?
What kind of process did this person go through and how did they develop and grow from it?
etc.

Maybe reflect on what is giving you inspiration right now, or at the least, perhaps watch more movies like that and find the ones that inspire you. I believe fiction helps us to understand reality and also what is possible in our own lives.

Maybe get a journal and start writing in it a lot--so you can think through these ideas and what you want, and also how you feel.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

Kyungsooklee said:


> disappear for one year to make myself better


Just stay home and study hard, that makes u better coz ur grades will be better and u don't need to socialize since u dont like it


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## Kyungsooklee (Jun 8, 2021)

ENTJudgement said:


> Just stay home and study hard, that makes u better coz ur grades will be better and u don't need to socialize since u dont like it


Thats exactly what an entj would say xd


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## xraydav (Jan 3, 2013)

Kyungsooklee said:


> I want to improve myself mentally, because ive been feeling down lately, but sometimes i dont feel like i deserve it since i dont even know what my problem is and compared to other people struggling my problem is nothing, i just feel so tired from socializing. I want to feel better but my problem is nothing, and watching people in movies get better makes me want to be better, but just like i said i dont even know what my problem is. Sometimes i want to take a break from everything and disappear for one year to make myself better but i cant since im senior in high school, and we will see if i can take sometime off after graduating but knowing my parents they wont let me. I also want someone to be my side, i may sound selfish but i wNt that person only have me. But still i dont know where to start and know my problem so advice please


You have certain levels and traits of clinical depression, it's not severe. This is why others feel so tired even after socialization, etc. The best thing is for someone to go through CBT worksheets, google them.

The best advice another can get is to see that it is okay to help themselves, that it is not selfish. Everyone needs to help themselves periodically, that is a basic aspect of human life. We all have basic needs.

How do the people in movies get better?
Is it over two days? Or is it over many years considering the life of those in the movies? It happens over many years, where days over many years are mixed together to create the TV show or movie you are watching. Besides, movies are not real life, the actors never experienced them. The events in movies never happened, it was all set up with lighting.

Let's not compare ourselves to others too much, just be more of yourself and your own identity.

You need to be more accepting of your life, try to accept "my life is good no matter what story I have, I will judge it when it is finished, looking back, not before it has finished"

There are people by your side, you have a support network, and even those online like us we are real people, even we are part of it. Search for even a club you can join, engage in social activites more and keep trying to find what support network you really want in such activities. Clubs or organizations can also teach socialization, and acceptance.

What would you tell a friend in your position, who had trouble socializing due to sadness or whatever you are feeling ? (This is part of CBT follow that advice)


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## 17041704 (May 28, 2020)

idk but sounds to me one of your conflicts is between your need for solitude and your need for a soulmate / a real friend


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