# Any Dommes [Dominants] here .. (?)



## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

_If so_; 

What is your _favorite_ act (or) fetish to do on your sub(s) .. (?)

I will share (1) I fancy, which is face-sitting inducing smothering (&) face slapping - generally of _innately_ dominant males + highly masculinized male(s).


***Disclaimer***​
*Dislike *the content (via) said thread ---> (X) is top right --> Profile ---> Ignore --> VV Next page / thread below.


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## Acrylic (Dec 14, 2015)

Minx said:


> ***Disclaimer***​
> *Dislike *the content (via) said thread ---> (X) is top right --> Profile ---> Ignore --> VV Next page / thread below.


There's already a disclaimer like that in red text at the top of this forum haha. 

Don't 'warn', take joy in anyone you possibly make uncomfortable, like a true dominant


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Despotic Ocelot said:


> There's already a disclaimer like that in red text at the top of this forum haha.
> 
> Don't 'warn', take joy in anyone you possibly make uncomfortable, like a true dominant


They are necessary (via) thread specific(s). (X, Y, Z) individual(s) got my last *closed* ''spamming'' w/ gender politics + politico nonsense.


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## Acrylic (Dec 14, 2015)

Minx said:


> (X, Y, Z) individual(s) got my last *closed*


Well a big fuck you goes out to Xerxes, Yong, and Zack for that.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

face-sitting, boob smothering, dick slapping, blow/hand/footjobbing in a dom way, generally deciding what's gonna happen next & initiating sex via seducing or more aggressive acts


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

I wouldn't enjoy being either sub nor dom. Mutuality, balance and equal dignity is much more important to me. Otherwise I fear the other person might either feel superior or inferior, eventually carrying some superiority/inferiority complex.


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

Off topic -

It is quite sad that many do not understand the dynamics at play when it comes to dominant and submissive behavior between two consenting adults of good overall health.

Granted it is far more complex than most give it credit for and we have the stupidity that is "50 shades" to thank for attempting to simplify it and make light of it in a black and white sense. Seemingly creating a false knowledge base within the general public that probably will taint such complex sexual practices for a while.

[HR][/HR]

I guess I don't have a favorite. Though cock slapping and gagging is probably up there.


Just the sensation of having my member thrust deeply into her mouth back and forth ever so slowly and then after a few times having it just sit deep inside while it continues to pulse in excitement all the while we are mutually breathing in all the intensity of the moment, the look in her eyes of complete submission alongside my complete trust in her to take me ever so willingly. The few seconds of silence between my soft hums of pleasure and her slow agonizing breaths of holding back her reflex. That moment is simply oh so satisfying and invigorating.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Minx said:


> _If so_;
> 
> What is your _favorite_ act (or) fetish to do on your sub(s) .. (?)
> 
> ...


Pulling the collar of my partner kinda hard while in doggie. Pulling hairs work too. Slapping and the like.

Putting my belt around her neck, pull and get a free blowjob. That kind of stuff. Candle kink is also nice. Not very much into bdsm tho, I prefer creative / physically active actions.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

I'm so gonna pick up some yummy doms in this thread :blushed:


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Power Exchange. her trusting me enough to give up control. me tethering her, and floating her out into sub space........


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## Dasein (Jun 11, 2015)

In some ways and under certain conditions, yes, but it comes more from a desire to fulfill a sub's needs. I like being driven to the point of wanting to give her rough sex, to rip her cloths off and pin her down. I don't get off on causing pain, being degrading or being sadistic, but I would get off on knowing that I'm fulfilling her needs as a sub. I'm wiling to experiment with just about anything a sub might want to try. But I also have a submissive side and @Red Panda sounds like a good time. :wink:


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

kaleidoscope said:


> I'm so gonna pick up some yummy doms in this thread :blushed:


I'm sure you're swooning about the perspective of possibly having so much syrup at your disposal but please lady, hold yourself a bit more :tongue:


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

INTonyP said:


> In some ways and under certain conditions, yes, but it comes more from a desire to fulfill a sub's needs. I like being driven to the point of wanting to give her rough sex, to rip her cloths off and pin her down. I don't get off on causing pain, being degrading or being sadistic, but I would get off on knowing that I'm fulfilling her needs as a sub. I'm wiling to experiment with just about anything a sub might want to try. But I also have a submissive side and @Red Panda sounds like a good time. :wink:


:kitteh:
I imagine many men are domme-deprived from social pressure, even if it's just a mild need and not full blown submissiveness.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Sygma said:


> I'm sure you're swooning about the perspective of possibly having so much syrup at your disposal but please lady, hold yourself a bit more :tongue:


Hey, I'm just trying to express my deep appreciation and love of doms. Nothing wrong with that!


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

kaleidoscope said:


> Hey, I'm just trying to express my deep appreciation and love of doms. Nothing wrong with that!


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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

I have 4 dog cages that is where all my sub wenches go at once. Silence is the rule also they know this


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

It's been years, but... I like bondage. I'm not talking about the light stuff like tying their hands or something. I mean the full restrictive stuff. Bound, gagged, and blindfolded.

From there, you tease them. Make them edge, then bring them down, then back up and keep them there. It's more fun when you make it last. You can add a little pain in there if the sub is into that. When you finally grant them release, it's satisfying to watch. Not quite as good as sex itself, but still good. From what I've been told, if you do it right, the orgasm is mind-blowing. 


One thing I always wanted to try but wasn't able to was shibari. Which is the Japanese rope bondage.
This:

* *


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I thought I had fetishes until I realized that other people want to lock their partners up in boxes and be like magicians or something.


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## Dasein (Jun 11, 2015)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I thought I had fetishes until I realized that other people *want to lock their partners up in boxes* and be like magicians or something.


It's not about locking up an unwilling partner. The submissive (hopefully) get's off on how they are being treated. The submissive is putting their trust in the one (they choose) to dominate them. It can bring them a high. There are a wide variety of "activities" they might participate in. Some of it is extreme and some of it is mild. Vanilla sex is boring to some people.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

INTonyP said:


> It's not about locking up an unwilling partner. The submissive (hopefully) get's off on how they are being treated. The submissive is putting their trust in the one (they choose) to dominate them. It can bring them a high. There are a wide variety of "activities" they might participate in. Some of it is extreme and some of it is mild. Vanilla sex is boring to some people.


Nope, putting the slot a into the hole b is the only good sex if you ask me sir. Matter of fact, that is the only sex. Think of it that way.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

BlackDog said:


> My first comment admitted that I've heard a _lot_ of explanations and descriptions, and I still can't relate. It's not a problem of being close minded. I understand what is being achieved when someone is submitting, it just seems abhorrent to me.


I'm just not sure where all this hostility towards submission is coming from???


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> Remove the role play submission. Is it still abhorrent? Being challenged-- and losing. Relinquishing control because you can't wait/resist any longer. Because you've lost the game. Real submission. What about that?


Sounds humiliating and unpleasant. Nothing is sexier than the sweet taste of victory. It does sound less unpleasant than willfully submitting though. Putting up a valiant fight is something, at least.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> I'm just not sure where all this hostility towards submission is coming from???


I wouldn't expect you to. I really don't care if other people like submitting, my only point was that I find it baffling. I know people enjoy it.


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

BlackDog said:


> Sounds humiliating and unpleasant. Nothing is sexier than the sweet taste of victory. It does sound less unpleasant than willfully submitting though. Putting up a valiant fight is something, at least.


If you were to dominate in the capacity you describe, would you not feel bad for your partner who had to go through the corresponding emotions?
It's like any game. Why be a sore loser? It's about the taking part! 

But I understand. I don't get the other side either. Was just curious. Seems this game is only fun when you're on the winning side (from my perspective). The want to relinquish control implies too weak for it in the first place, in my eyes.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

BlackDog said:


> I wouldn't expect you to. I really don't care if other people like submitting, my only point was that I find it baffling. I know people enjoy it.


You said "abhorrent", and I'm curious why...


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

WamphyriThrall said:


> You said "abhorrent", and I'm curious why...


This was posted to BD but it makes my skin crawl imagining doing that. Disgusting is another term I'd use. You do whatever you like but the concept of wilfully giving up control just doesn't make sense.

You could try to explain it, I guess.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> If you were to dominate in the capacity you describe, would you not feel bad for your partner who had to go through the corresponding emotions?
> It's like any game. Why be a sore loser? It's about the taking part!
> 
> But I understand. I don't get the other side either. Was just curious. Seems this game is only fun when you're on the winning side (from my perspective). The want to relinquish control implies too weak for it in the first place, in my eyes.


I wouldn't feel bad if they're enjoying it. If they showed discomfort, I would feel bad. 

Losing from a legitimate struggle is definitely better than offering it up, but really the fun is from winning. Even if losing isn't terrible, it's still worse than winning!


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Minx said:


> Interesting. I am not _sadistic._ I have only had (1) male Baby Boy™ thus far. I enjoyed to chastity his erection(s) + supply humiliation // degrading vocalization(s) -- Face slapping + orgasm // cum denial, as well.



"Baby Boy™" hahah
I'm a tad sadistic for sure, but I can't do the whole vocal humiliation thing. Doesn't help that I'm not really dom-looking. I look more like a cute sub pet and my voice is at least 5 years younger than me so it doesn't really work very well  (works great when being dominated though!) So I prefer using actions and eye contact when I'm in control.


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

BlackDog said:


> I wouldn't feel bad if they're enjoying it. If they showed discomfort, I would feel bad.
> 
> Losing from a legitimate struggle is definitely better than offering it up, but really the fun is from winning. Even if losing isn't terrible, it's still worse than winning!


True. And, for the record, I don't mean a *rapey* struggle. I always imply a game of mental capture when I talk domination, because the somatic aspect doesn't make much sense to me either. It's not fulfilling in the same way of *having* somebody. Dunno if that makes sense.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> This wasn't posted to BD but it makes my skin crawl imagining doing that. Disgusting is another term I'd use. You do whatever you like but the concept of wilfully giving up control just doesn't make sense.
> 
> You could try to explain it, I guess.


The way I see it, it's the sub whose in control, since they basically set the conditions over what's acceptable or not. People have strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, so it would make no sense to force someone into a role they weren't suited for or didn't enjoy. 

"Willfully" is the key word here. The idea is that I'm going to get something out of the deal, regardless. There's the bit about not knowing exactly what is going to come next, or trusting your partner enough to give them that sort of power over you, too. I like pushing my limits and exploring, and this is another way to, for me.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> True. And, for the record, I don't mean a *rapey* struggle. I always imply a game of mental capture when I talk domination, because the somatic aspect doesn't make much sense to me either. It's not fulfilling in the same way of *having* somebody. Dunno if that makes sense.


No, I understand completely. I wouldn't want to tie somebody up for this very reason. If I have to tie them up, I feel like they aren't mine. Ropes and physical force should be completely unnecessary. They should be begging for my touch and attention. That's real power.


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

WamphyriThrall said:


> The way I see it, it's the sub whose in control, since they basically set the conditions over what's acceptable or not.


Lolita presents the problem with this quite well. The subject of the sub's control isn't of domination and submission. It's about investment. Lolita walked away from him and left an empty shell of a pathetic old man with a dirty perverted mind. This was power. But the submission itself isn't. Only the walking away. Conditions of submission, to reiterate, are only powerful and/or in control when threatening to walk away. Since you're *actually* and *willing to (or wanting to) be* dominated (as in this is your preference) then you don't have this power.



> There's the bit about not knowing exactly what is going to come next, or trusting your partner enough to give them that sort of power over you, too. I like pushing my limits and exploring, and this is another way to, for me.


Yes, I've let a girlfriend hold an old school razor to my face and shave me. This was a symbol of trust. But there are plenty of ways to do that without doing... well, I guess we're coming to learn, what my brain can't comprehend being pleasurable.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> You said "abhorrent", and I'm curious why...


Like Occam said, there is just something viscerally wrong with giving up control like that. I've had people try to sell me on it, and I just can't see it. It's wrong. Abhorrent was the first word that came to mind. It's the opposite of sexual.


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## jade09 (May 5, 2016)

Reading through this thread makes me wonder if I'm a submissive in denial...


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

jade09 said:


> Reading through this thread makes me wonder if I'm a submissive in denial...


Did I say you can talk?


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

BlackDog said:


> I've heard a lot of explanations/descriptions, and I still for the life of me can't understand why anybody would _want_ to be dominated.


Perhaps the only way you could come close to understanding is finding someone who wants to be dominated by you and experiencing that. 
When you have sex with your man, do you ever feel you like that he is over you, controlling the rhythm and how sex progresses, at least to some degree? 
From my experience there's always some degree of submission/domination during sex even if it's just for a specific moment, there's always someone who controls more than the other and even if you are "vanilla" you've probably experienced at least a little submissiveness. If not then you might be much more dominant than you realize and it might really be beneficial for you to actually try a more openly D/s sexual experience, even if just for the heck of it.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> Lolita presents the problem with this quite well. The subject of the sub's control isn't of domination and submission. It's about investment. Lolita walked away from him and left an empty shell of a pathetic old man with a dirty perverted mind. This was power. But the submission itself isn't. Only the walking away. Conditions of submission, to reiterate, are only powerful and/or in control when threatening to walk away. Since you're *actually* and *willing to (or wanting to) be* dominated (as in this is your preference) then you don't have this power.
> 
> Yes, I've let a girlfriend hold an old school razor to my face and shave me. This was a symbol of trust. But there are plenty of ways to do that without doing... well, I guess we're coming to learn, what my brain can't comprehend being pleasurable.


My point was that in a healthy relationship, the sub should theoretically be able to use a "safe word" when things get out of hand. They set the stage, so to speak, and the dom has to work within a certain frame, otherwise lose a potential partner.

You must have a tame sexual life!  This is exactly why I could never be involved with a vanilla type (or someone with my exact preferences). Surprisingly, experts point out a few positives to the BDSM lifestyle:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unique-everybody-else/201307/bdsm-personality-and-mental-health


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Red Panda said:


> Perhaps the only way you could come close to understanding is finding someone who wants to be dominated by you and experiencing that.
> When you have sex with your man, do you ever feel you like that he is over you, controlling the rhythm and how sex progresses, at least to some degree?
> From my experience there's always some degree of submission/domination during sex even if it's just for a specific moment, there's always someone who controls more than the other and even if you are "vanilla" you've probably experienced at least a little submissiveness. If not then you might be much more dominant than you realize and it might really be beneficial for you to actually try a more openly D/s sexual experience, even if just for the heck of it.


I didn't say I was inexperienced in this, I just can't relate to the submissive mindset.


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## jade09 (May 5, 2016)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> Did I say you can talk?


:'(


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

BlackDog said:


> Like Occam said, there is just something viscerally wrong with giving up control like that. I've had people try to sell me on it, and I just can't see it. It's wrong. Abhorrent was the first word that came to mind. It's the opposite of sexual.


Wrong for you, or wrong in general? I don't want to get into morality, since BDSM involves two consenting adults, and the topic is entirely subjective.

I can't speak for others, but it's not a requirement for me (I would feel pretty unfulfilled in a relationship that was totally vanilla, though). There are all sorts of types and degrees, too. Obviously, I have other turn ons and can function without BDSM being ever present.

In fact, I wouldn't even say it's purely sexual for me, in every case.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

BlackDog said:


> I didn't say I was inexperienced in this, I just can't relate to the submissive mindset.


Well okay then. There's nothing wrong with being unable to relate, except maybe if it hurts your relationship. You are obviously a sexually dominant person and that's totally fine, you just have to find someone who suits your style and WIN.


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

WamphyriThrall said:


> You must have a tame sexual life!


BDSM practitioners are always quick to this one. My sex life is great.

I flirted with the scene a while, tried a few things, and I found that the only part I really liked was the part before (them) accepting domination. The test phase. Are you worthy? Once they want to settle, they're conquered and boring. I don't want somebody who tells me I can do whatever I want now that I've got them. I don't need to be coddled. And I certainly don't want some 'brat' trying to wind me up just for the sake of it, especially if she's treating it like a 'scene' which automatically means performance in my mind and so isn't real and generally not interesting to me. Actually, I and black dog talk about this before on another thread I think. I'm getting deja vu. 

Don't mean offence when I say I find it disgusting. But that's the word I'd use if I were to put myself in that position (after trying in the past).


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Wrong for you, or wrong in general? I don't want to get into morality, since BDSM involves two consenting adults, and the topic is entirely subjective.
> 
> I can't speak for others, but it's not a requirement for me (I would feel pretty unfulfilled in a relationship that was totally vanilla, though). There are all sorts of types and degrees, too. Obviously, I have other turn ons and can function without BDSM being ever present.
> 
> In fact, I wouldn't even say it's purely sexual for me, in every case.


Its not a moral issue, no. That's not at all what I was getting at.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> BDSM practitioners are always quick to this one. I flirted with the scene a while, tried a few things, and I found that the only part I really liked was the part before accepting domination. The test phase. Are you worthy? Once they want to settle, they're conquered and boring. I don't want somebody who tells me I can do whatever I want now that I've got them. I don't need to be coddled. And I certainly don't want some 'brat' trying to wind me up just for the sake of it, especially if she's treating it like a 'scene' which automatically means performance in my mind and so isn't real and generally not interesting to me. Actually, I and black dog talk about this before on another thread I think. I'm getting deja vu.
> 
> Don't mean offence when I say I find it disgusting. But that's the word I'd use if I were to put myself in that position (after trying in the past).


*shrugs* It's a fine line between saying it's not for you, and outright condemning it in others. I'd feel the same way if someone were to say "I think gay sex is disgusting", too. 

Plenty of folks treat sex as a performance. The "acts" might be choreographed, but I don't think we can predict with 100% accuracy how the other person will react. That's where the magic lies. 

It does sound like you enjoy the thrill of the chase, which might be another topic altogether.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Red Panda said:


> Well okay then. There's nothing wrong with being unable to relate, except maybe if it hurts your relationship. You are obviously a sexually dominant person and that's totally fine, you just have to find someone who suits your style and WIN.


In my experience, men are almost _too_ willing to submit. But thank you, I appreciate the advice. I think I know where I stand in my relationships, and I don't think my inability to relate has been damaging.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

BlackDog said:


> In my experience, men are almost _too_ willing to submit. But thank you, I appreciate the advice. I think I know where I stand in my relationships, and I don't think my inability to relate has been damaging.


Lol, if the charts on the link I just posted are accurate, a far larger portion of women are subs, while men are almost evenly divided between categories (only slightly larger preference for sub, compared to dom).


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Lol, if the charts on the link I just posted are accurate, a far larger portion of women are subs, while men are almost evenly divided between categories (only slightly larger preference for sub, compared to dom).


Maybe I've only slept with 55% of the male population? 

roud:


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

BlackDog said:


> In my experience, men are almost _too_ willing to submit. But thank you, I appreciate the advice. I think I know where I stand in my relationships, and I don't think my inability to relate has been damaging.


I guess it takes some luck and/or searching to find someone more suitable than most. Especially if you have a more specific taste. 

Being submissive and a fighter is a tricky combo probably, because someone who wants to submit might not feel comfortable fighting for long out of fear they'd go over your limit and become a turn off, so they might submit even earlier than they potentially would. This probably needs more hands-on practice and open communication even outside of sex.


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

WamphyriThrall said:


> *shrugs* It's a fine line between saying it's not for you, and outright condemning it in others. I'd feel the same way if someone were to say "I think gay sex is disgusting", too.
> 
> Plenty of folks treat sex as a performance. The "acts" might be choreographed, but I don't think we can predict with 100% accuracy how the other person will react. That's where the magic lies.
> 
> It does sound like you enjoy the thrill of the chase, which might be another topic altogether.


I suppose it can be difficult when somebody is saying your lifestyle choices and even more so intrinsic parts of your psyche that lead to styles of sexuality are things that they find repulsive in whatever sense. You must understand, though, that we're not saying that you're repulsive because you do it. In fact, the opposite, I find it fascinating and want to talk like now. Only the thought of partaking makes me uncomfortable, and even then I'm quite willing and even wanting to talk about it.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Red Panda said:


> I guess it takes some luck and/or searching to find someone more suitable than most. Especially if you have a more specific taste.
> 
> Being submissive and a fighter is a tricky combo probably, because someone who wants to submit might not feel comfortable fighting for long out of fear they'd go over your limit and become a turn off, so they might submit even earlier than they potentially would. This probably needs more hands-on practice and open communication even outside of sex.


Thats one reason I don't like to dabble in any of this stuff, for the most part. I prefer just organic power dynamics. I find a pecking order is always established, even if it's not consciously done. Sometimes the specific labels turn everything into an unpleasant game that I just don't want to play.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> I suppose it can be difficult when somebody is saying your lifestyle choices and even more so intrinsic parts of your psyche that lead to styles of sexuality are things that they find repulsive in whatever sense. You must understand, though, that we're not saying that you're repulsive because you do it. In fact, the opposite, I find it fascinating and want to talk like now. Only the thought of partaking makes me uncomfortable, and even then I'm quite willing and even wanting to talk about it.


I'd totally be open to engage in a bit of voyeurism >_>


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## Sunn (Mar 12, 2014)

BlackDog said:


> Sometimes the specific labels turn everything into an unpleasant game that I just don't want to play.


bbbinnggoo

It's awkward as fuck to make love to someone when it has to be choreographed around the mindset of dom/sub play. At least, announcing Specific labels makes it feel like that imo. Kind of defeats the magic of intimance when you have to label everything to get the desired affect.

edit: 3AM posts are Bad


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

BlackDog said:


> Thats one reason I don't like to dabble in any of this stuff, for the most part. I prefer just organic power dynamics. I find a pecking order is always established, even if it's not consciously done. Sometimes the specific labels turn everything into an unpleasant game that I just don't want to play.


I understand that. From my experience there are ways to communicate that you want something without putting labels to it, but it's also about the relationship as a whole to make it work. My partner is submissive and we openly talk about our dynamic but it's never felt to me like we're playing a game or acting or choreographing. Might be because he's INTP and I'm INFP so we are both very spontaneous and experimental in what we do and we're also not in a Master/slave dynamic which I think is the "extreme" and contract-like form. We don't plan "scenes" or anything, we just do what we feel (see first post in this thread ) and it just happens there are a lot of kinky stuff involved.


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## Occams Chainsaw (Jan 7, 2015)

Red Panda said:


> I understand that. From my experience there are ways to communicate that you want something without putting labels to it


That's half the romance. The silent gestures, the spark in their eyes, the feeling of wanting and thinking they do to but being scared that what they want isn't the same as you want, and discovering what is it exactly they're looking for. The glow afterwards without whispering a syllable. Adding labels- it's like talking about a moment - it ruins everything. 

"Hi I'm Thomas and I'm a dominant" just makes me burst out laughing now (yes I met a guy who said that at the first group 'meet' I was invited to lol).


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Occams Chainsaw said:


> That's half the romance. The silent gestures, the spark in their eyes, the feeling of wanting and thinking they do to but being scared that what they want isn't the same as you want, and discovering what is it exactly they're looking for. The glow afterwards without whispering a syllable. Adding labels- it's like talking about a moment - it ruins everything.
> 
> "Hi I'm Thomas and I'm a dominant" just makes me burst out laughing now (yes I met a guy who said that at the first group 'meet' I was invited to lol).


that's hilarious
I'm not necessarily talking about body language, you can communicate with words as well without putting labels, you just say what you like and talk about it, but I suppose it can be hard depending on the relationship dynamic and characters involved and compatibility, generally.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

BlackDog said:


> Its not a moral issue, no. That's not at all what I was getting at.


I kind of empathise with you. Kinks are cool, playful / lusty approaches are fine but dom - submission turn me off ;_;


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

BlackDog said:


> Thats one reason I don't like to dabble in any of this stuff, for the most part. *I* *prefer just organic power dynamics.* I find a pecking order is always established, even if it's not consciously done. Sometimes the specific labels turn everything into an unpleasant game that I just don't want to play.


This is my thinking as well. 

As with most things a larger majority just don't really know where they stand in terms of who they are and what their likes and dislikes are. All the structure and labels are there to help these people figure out what they are, who they are and what they like.

The game is required to help these people come to a more complete understanding of themselves and their sexual wants and needs.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

What an interesting discussion, and I missed out on it because of stupid sleep. Dammit. 

I guess for me, being submissive has always felt extremely natural to me, even before I was able to put it into words, or use a label, or think of it as a certain role. Perhaps it's the Ne-dom in me, but I wouldn't want to be confined into a role box anyway, that sounds incredibly dull or boring. In that sense, I'm a bit of a switch. 

But as a submissive, I don't feel like I'm powerless in a distressing way. There's something so amazing about willingly giving up that control to your partner. It takes trust, trust and intimacy in knowing they won't push your boundaries in a way that you can't handle it, but they'll come close sometimes, which is thrilling and exhilarating. Trust that they're going to stay within the discussed limits, even though they could _easily _take advantage of your helplessness and vulnerable state. It's freeing really, the surrender. And it *has *to be organic. You can't force that kind of dynamic, otherwise it's just cringe-inducing. It has to be a natural part of how your sexual energies blend, and there has to be room to switch things up. Flexibility and openness is key here. 

For me, the underlying feeling of my submissiveness is adoration, devotion. Wanting to please him every way possible, being so eager to get him off, to get his approval. But also sometimes being a defiant brat and misbehaving just so he can punish me and put me in my place again. It's incredibly fun :blushed:


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## Bunny (Jul 11, 2015)

Well, there are people (like me) who like both sides of the coin.
I'm totally down with bdsm or sex without any of that.
It's more about the guy to me and I've been in relationships where I did zero bdsm stuff and in others I did.

I just enjoy experimenting and keeping things fresh.

It doesn't have to be bdsm experimenting but just trying out new stuff in bed, in general.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Red Panda said:


> I understand that. From my experience there are ways to communicate that you want something without putting labels to it, but it's also about the relationship as a whole to make it work. My partner is submissive and we openly talk about our dynamic but it's never felt to me like we're playing a game or acting or choreographing. Might be because he's INTP and I'm INFP so we are both very spontaneous and experimental in what we do and we're also not in a Master/slave dynamic which I think is the "extreme" and contract-like form. We don't plan "scenes" or anything, we just do what we feel (see first post in this thread ) and it just happens there are a lot of kinky stuff involved.


Interesting. I suppose many individual(s) have complication(s) with this aspect; I do not get romantically involved + nor encourage it (via) D/S -- for this reasoning; it is purely a mental thing // rather than romantic. My outside ''relationships'' [romantic] -- are primarily vanilla (&) separate. If I am going to 'date' someone (e.g., take romantic implications), I likely will not involve any D/S relation(s) -- from there, I am primarily a switch _innately_. I let (X) sub know I am not interested in romantic / boyfriend + girlfriend relation(s). They may not even be my type (via) relationship specific(s). 

Like my associates -- ''lovers'' are not my friend(s) nor associates (&) I would not have a 'lover' as a sub -- my last; I was actually teaching him + directing him how to get a girlfriend; thus, he would not confined in me for such stimulus // expectation(s). I was dating around, regardless. But I do prefer sexual and mental chemistry, but not the same I would seek (via) a lover.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Minx said:


> Interesting. I suppose many individual(s) have complication(s) with this aspect; I do not get romantically involved + nor encourage it (via) D/S -- for this reasoning; it is purely a mental thing // rather than romantic. My outside ''relationships'' [romantic] -- are primarily vanilla (&) separate. If I am going to 'date' someone (e.g., take romantic implications), I likely will not involve any D/S relation(s) -- from there, I am primarily a switch _innately_. I let (X) sub know I am not interested in romantic / boyfriend + girlfriend relation(s). They may not even be my type (via) relationship specific(s).
> 
> Like my associates -- ''lovers'' are not my friend(s) nor associates (&) I would not have a 'lover' as a sub -- my last; I was actually teaching him + directing him how to get a girlfriend; thus, he would not confined in me for such stimulus // expectation(s). I was dating around, regardless. But I do prefer sexual and mental chemistry, but not the same I would seek (via) a lover.


This sounds to me like a "Mistress/slave" type of the BDSM spectrum, like professional dominatrices have with their clients. It's interesting that you wouldn't include such practices so much at your romantic relationships, but I guess human sexuality is interesting in general


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## Bunny (Jul 11, 2015)

I do wish sometimes that some people saw bdsm as a more broad type of explanation in terms of sex.
Bdsm can be as simple as biting your partner on the shoulder or using ice cubes.
Not everyone who is into bdsm, is into the hard-core stuff like using a cat-o-nail tails on someone in a crazy torture chamber.
I'm totally cool with people who do, do that but... that's not what everyone who is into bdsm is into.
It can also just be the give and take of power before sex even begins. Mind games etc.


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## Dasein (Jun 11, 2015)

Red Panda said:


> Minx said:
> 
> 
> > Interesting. I suppose many individual(s) have complication(s) with this aspect; I do not get romantically involved + nor encourage it (via) D/S -- for this reasoning; it is purely a mental thing // rather than romantic. My outside ''relationships'' [romantic] -- are primarily vanilla (&) separate. If I am going to 'date' someone (e.g., take romantic implications), I likely will not involve any D/S relation(s) -- from there, I am primarily a switch _innately_. I let (X) sub know I am not interested in romantic / boyfriend + girlfriend relation(s). They may not even be my type (via) relationship specific(s).
> ...


I don't think I would seek someone in the BDSM community as a potential romantic partner. I've been exploring fetlife and a majority of profiles are of non-monogamous interests. But I would slowly explore a romantic partner's kinkiness as our relationship developed. But scenes, costumes or props are not of real interest to me except to play with sex toys she might enjoy ... and maybe a furry tail butt plug for her to wear.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Wytch said:


> I do wish sometimes that some people saw bdsm as a more broad type of explanation in terms of sex.
> Bdsm can be as simple as biting your partner on the shoulder or using ice cubes.
> Not everyone who is into bdsm, is into the hard-core stuff like using a cat-o-nail tails on someone in a crazy torture chamber.
> I'm totally cool with people who do, do that but... that's not what everyone who is into bdsm is into.
> It can also just be the give and take of power before sex even begins. Mind games etc.


It's definitely on a spectrum, and I completely agree that BDSM doesn't automatically equate extreme behaviors, it's just what people generally think of and associate with the term for whatever reason. I read a statistic somewhere that light bondage is practiced by 40% of couples. I'd say that's pretty common. We like to think of BDSM as this extreme, separate and weird community, but there's a little bit of it in all of us, I like to think.


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## Bunny (Jul 11, 2015)

kaleidoscope said:


> It's definitely on a spectrum, and I completely agree that BDSM doesn't automatically equate extreme behaviors, it's just what people generally think of and associate with the term for whatever reason. I read a statistic somewhere that light bondage is practiced by 40% of couples. I'd say that's pretty common. We like to think of BDSM as this extreme, separate and weird community, but there's a little bit of it in all of us, I like to think.


I suppose it is easier to separate it, for those who do not understand it.
Like anything of the "unknown" to those who just cannot handle change or difference.

I agree with you and it is probably something that most folks still do not feel comfortable talking about =/

I'd say more but I must be off, I still wanted to reply though.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Wytch said:


> I suppose it is easier to separate it, for those who do not understand it.
> Like anything of the "unknown" to those who just cannot handle change or difference.
> 
> I agree with you and it is probably something that most folks still do not feel comfortable talking about =/
> ...


Yeah, I agree that it makes most people uncomfortable. The guy I'm dating was a bit nervous hearing I was into BDSM, I'm sure he pictured me being into edge play or extreme torture in my sex dungeon. I had to explain what it's about for me, and while he still wouldn't say he's into BDSM, the things that turn us on are similar (light bondage, spanking, rough play, etc). 

Plus, I have a feeling he has an inner sub that I'd love to draw out of him :blushed:


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Red Panda said:


> This sounds to me like a "Mistress/slave" type of the BDSM spectrum, like professional dominatrices have with their clients. It's interesting that you wouldn't include such practices so much at your romantic relationships, but I guess human sexuality is interesting in general


I suppose I have (X, Y, Z) individual(s) is specific categories -- (&) thus, (X) would be rendered _ineligible _for category (Z). Everyone associated w/ me gets a ''specific'' treatment (&) that is how I keep my 'people' relation(s) organized. There is no confusion, unmet need(s), or disappointed optimism / expectation(s) in this regard. A lover can engage me that way; but they'd need to make an _appointment_ (&) I prefer to romantically [emotionally] disconnected in that way, at that time -- perhap(s) because I can be more sym / empathetic (via) a lover (&) thus; get a tad corrupted (&) it can _conflict _with my proper role. :rollseyes: 

I suppose some other folk(s) do not have this *malfunction*, however. There is a differential type of need + stimulus + relief I seek from a domme role; than that of a_ romantic_ one (&) would not seek it there nor wish to.


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

Wytch said:


> I do wish sometimes that some people saw bdsm as a more broad type of explanation in terms of sex.
> Bdsm can be as simple as biting your partner on the shoulder or using ice cubes.
> Not everyone who is into bdsm, is into the hard-core stuff like using a cat-o-nail tails on someone in a crazy torture chamber.
> I'm totally cool with people who do, do that but... that's not what everyone who is into bdsm is into.
> It can also just be the give and take of power before sex even begins. Mind games etc.


Exactly. The average person thinks dungeons, chains, whips, leather, a table full of toys, and safe words.

It is quite honestly just one of the diverse ways in which two individuals can express their sexuality to each other.
It doesn't have to involve too many things, although it can. 

It is simply utilizing more complex ways and means of sexual expression to bring about even greater sexual appreciation and ultimately pleasure to yourself and your partner.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

INTonyP said:


> I don't think I would seek someone in the BDSM community as a potential romantic partner. I've been exploring fetlife and a majority of profiles are of non-monogamous interests. But I would slowly explore a romantic partner's kinkiness as our relationship developed. But scenes, costumes or props are not of real interest to me except to play with sex toys she might enjoy ... and maybe a furry tail butt plug for her to wear.


Yeah I prefer to do it to deepen my bond with the other person, I don't think I have it in me to like sex any other way, anyway. Hahah furry tails are funny, but also kinda cute/sexy.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Minx said:


> I suppose I have (X, Y, Z) individual(s) is specific categories -- (&) thus, (X) would be rendered _ineligible _for category (Z). Everyone associated w/ me gets a ''specific'' treatment (&) that is how I keep my 'people' relation(s) organized. There is no confusion, unmet need(s), or disappointed optimism / expectation(s) in this regard. A lover can engage me that way; but they'd need to make an _appointment_ (&) I prefer to romantically [emotionally] disconnected in that way, at that time -- perhap(s) because I can be more sym / empathetic (via) a lover (&) thus; get a tad corrupted (&) it can _conflict _with my proper role. :rollseyes:
> 
> I suppose some other folk(s) do not have this *malfunction*, however. There is a differential type of need + stimulus + relief I seek from a domme role; than that of a_ romantic_ one (&) would not seek it there nor wish to.


Well if it works for you, fine. A bit too robotic for me, all that Te, damn  Are you sure you're not ENTJ Te-dom?


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Switch. 
Brat.
sadist. 

I like domming/being sadistic in light ways currently. Telling him
he can't cum until I say he can for instance, god that's fun. He likes being on both ends too. 

Switch + Switch relationship. I don't think we'll ever get bored sexually. XD


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## Donovan (Nov 3, 2009)

slapping, gagging, tit-slapping, choking, spanking, role-playing, and just generally bending the person into a pretzel where you can feel the friction and then fucking their brains out. 

(sweet is also good. it has it its moments)



although, i don't really see sex as "one person is a dom, one is a sub"--it can and definitely has gone that way (and i do enjoy it)--but something that is more "in the moment", and whoever is "dominant" or has more energy coming forth, is the one that dictates. 

that said: having a girl straddle my face with her thighs is one of the hottest things ever. i've never understood why eating someone out, or having them ontop of you--in all the ways that means--has ever been seen as submissive. i mean... you've got complete control of the other person, you can reach up and grab their tits, choke them as they ride your face, or, when the're riding you, you can just pull them in close and go to town. 



it's just feeling someone and also feeling how their contact will allow things to play out. i hate parsing all of this up. going to random (and i mean _random_--as in i'm just sitting down at a table and having coffee and people strike up conversation and next thing i know they're asking i'm going "upstairs", and then i'm in a bdsm meetup group) 'things', i've never been in the same perspective i guess. i can still see it though, and can definitely appreciate it.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Red Panda said:


> Well if it works for you, fine. A bit too robotic for me, all that Te, damn  Are you sure you're not ENTJ Te-dom?


I like to chase INTP™ with my (Te) - like an ENFP™ would chase an INTJ™ with hugs when they say thing(s) like this.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Donovan said:


> that said: having a girl straddle my face with her thighs is one of the hottest things ever. i've never understood why eating someone out, or having them ontop of you--in all the ways that means--has ever been seen as submissive. i mean... you've got complete control of the other person, you can reach up and grab their tits, choke them as they ride your face, or, when the're riding you, you can just pull them in close and go to town.


_Interesting_. I supposed it is situational - in this specific context(s) where I am domme; I don't let nor like my sub/s touch any part of my body, except my flor (via) facial-sitting + smother - unless _instructed_; they are likely tied + being smothered -- or deprived. I like them knowing they are _unworthy_.

Although in a vanilla sexual _context_ (via) a _*good* _cunnlingus // flor-eater; I am a slave to the tongue - so yeah.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Donovan said:


> that said: having a girl straddle my face with her thighs is one of the hottest things ever. i've never understood why eating someone out, or having them ontop of you--in all the ways that means--has ever been seen as submissive. i mean... you've got complete control of the other person, you can reach up and grab their tits, choke them as they ride your face, or, when the're riding you, you can just pull them in close and go to town.


It's the same way as blowjobs, it can be both dom and sub depending on the partners. For example, from a sub perspective, riding his face would mean he is trapped and has no choice than to please me. It's not always the act itself but how the people feel about it.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Minx said:


> I like to chase INTP™ with my (Te) - like an ENFP™ would chase an INTJ™ with hugs when they say thing(s) like this.


That's some scary shit alright


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## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

Minx said:


> _If so_;
> 
> What is your _favorite_ act (or) fetish to do on your sub(s) .. (?)
> 
> ...


How do you do that while sitting on your "subs" face?


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Tucken said:


> How do you do that while sitting on your "subs" face?


when i am not satisfied or feeling like teasing or depriving him, or when i am done smothering him, i get up and slap em in the face

or i slap him in the face in general, when he's kneeling to me, on his hands and knees, if he says something stupid or fucks up with pleasing me, i slap him and call him a dumb bitch, whore, etc. 

it all depends on what he/she wants


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## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

Minx said:


> when i am not satisfied or feeling like teasing or depriving him, or when i am done smothering him, i get up and slap em in the face
> 
> or i slap him in the face in general, when he's kneeling to me, on his hands and knees, if he says something stupid or fucks up with pleasing me, i slap him and call him a dumb bitch, whore, etc.
> 
> it all depends on what he/she wants


Then you're not doing it right. I'm pretty sure that the dominant is supposed to be doing what feels right to him or her. It's not of consequence what the subordinate wants.


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

Minx said:


> when i am not satisfied or feeling like teasing or depriving him, or when i am done smothering him, i get up and slap em in the face
> 
> or i slap him in the face in general, when he's kneeling to me, on his hands and knees, if he says something stupid or fucks up with pleasing me, i slap him and call him a dumb bitch, whore, etc.
> 
> it all depends on what he/she wants


Is it all consensual?

Sounds more like physical and psychological abuse to me...


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

babblingbrook said:


> The ICD-10 specifies that mild forms of sadomasochism “are commonly used to enhance otherwise normal sexual activity” (p. 172), and that _*the diagnosis would apply only if the behavior is preferred or required for sexual gratification*_. The condition is classified as one of the disorders of sexual preference, which includes the paraphilias (p. 170).


Do you not understand; what you are _reading_ .. (?) :ssad:


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

@Red Panda @Jawz

You're getting it out of context. 

This was my original reply and I'll stick to that. 








Originally Posted by *Jawz*  
Don't let a submissive hear you say that her subby whoreness isn't dignified or equal or has anything to do with being seen as inferior in any way. 

Trust me, when she wants you to treat her like a whore, she's kinda the one calling the shots and is well aware of it. There's nothing more "equal" and "dignified" than spanking a woman's ass till it's red if that's what gets her off and she wants it.



I wouldn't consent. That'd be rather out of character.

And if she that's what gets her off is required for her sexual arousal, it is a disorder and she should get treatment.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Anywho, I _formally_ (&) respectfully am requesting *Babblingbrook* leave my thread; as you are making me yawn + becoming trollishly bothersome. 

If you refuse; I will request moderate assistance.
__________

Com.


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

Minx said:


> Anywho, I _formally_ (&) respectfully am requesting *Babblingbrook* leave my thread; as you are making me yawn + becoming trollishly bothersome.
> 
> If you refuse; I will request moderate assistance (via) @*hal0hal0* , @*aus2020* ..
> 
> ...


I don't get why you start threatening me. I simply made my point.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

babblingbrook said:


> @*Red Panda* @*Jawz*
> 
> You're getting it out of context.
> 
> ...


Yeah. Just because one activity related to BDSM gets someone off means that that's the only thing that gets her off *lmao* 

Now that your comment which was fully in context has been thoroughly destroyed, you're just gonna dig in your heels and stomp around pretending that you had a strong original point "which was taken out of context" ... 

It is exactly that original point that has been thoroughly debunked but you're too much of a .... to accept it. It's ok. I now see you as I see creationists and people like Ken Ham.


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

Jawz said:


> Yeah. Just because one activity related to BDSM gets someone off means that that's the only thing that gets her off *lmao*


Again, that is not why I was saying. If consenting partners engage in this sort sexual play behavior, it is fine with me.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

babblingbrook said:


> Again, that is not why I was saying. If consenting partners engage in this sort sexual play behavior, it is fine with me.


That is exactly what you're saying. Because if it hadn't been what you were saying, you wouldn't have posted the DSM.


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

Jawz said:


> That is exactly what you're saying. Because if it hadn't been what you were saying, you wouldn't have posted the DSM.


There is a difference between BDSM and the medical condition where experiencing pain/humiliation is _required_ for sexual arousal. 

I was simply referring to the latter in my original post to you.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

babblingbrook said:


> I don't get why you start threatening me. I simply made my point.


It is not a threat; it is respectful *request* - you disregarded my wishes already (via) (post #1) - now, you are making false + refuted claim(s) (&) likely just being bothersome - as this is solely a thread geared toward(s) BDSM individual(s), your presence here is ''stirring'' the pot + moderately _instigative_ - and rather derailing.

Either you stop *spamming* gibberish [disregarding my disclaimer] - be _respectful_; or I'll request your _removal_ .. Which is it .. (?) 

Which mod would you _prefer_; doing the _review_ of my request violation(s) .. (?) :ssad: 


_________

Edit;

Kay. Thanks for departing, darling. :bwink:


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## spartan322 (May 20, 2016)

Minx said:


> It is not a threat; it is respectful *request* - you disregarded my wishes already (via) (post #1) - now, you are making false + refuted claim(s) (&) likely just being bothersome - as this is solely a thread geared toward(s) BDSM individual(s), your presence here is ''stirring'' the pot + moderately _instigative_ - and rather derailing.
> 
> Either you stop *spamming* gibberish [disregarding my disclaimer] - be _respectful_; or I'll request your _removal_ .. Which is it .. (?)
> 
> ...


Mommmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy.....he isn't playing nice

Cmon. It's a message board. Grow up


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

spartan322 said:


> Mommmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy.....he isn't playing nice
> 
> Cmon. It's a message board. Grow up


I can add you, too. No sweat // shame in it for me, darling. :cooler:

I'll let @bethdeth look at it, later.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

babblingbrook said:


> There is a difference between BDSM and the medical condition where experiencing pain/humiliation is _required_ for sexual arousal.
> 
> I was simply referring to the latter in my original post to you.


Why? It was completely irrelevant and is still irrelevant. You're jumping all over the place. 

Just admit that you're narrow-minded on the subject instead of simply implying it, or back-peddling after being called out and we'll leave it at that.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

*Thread warning* 

Everyone line up, sit down and shut up*

*Except for on topic stuff.


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## babblingbrook (Aug 10, 2009)

Jawz said:


> Why? It was completely irrelevant and is still irrelevant. You're jumping all over the place.
> 
> Just admit that you're narrow-minded on the subject instead of simply implying it, or back-peddling after being called out and we'll leave it at that.


For me it would be relevant, since I wouldn't consent. 

I'll leave it at that, since I think it is all cleared up by now. No need for pestering.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

babblingbrook said:


> For me it would be relevant, since I wouldn't consent.
> 
> I'll leave it at that, since I think it is all cleared up by now. No need for pestering.


But no one was asking for your consent. You just poked your nose into a conversation and said something completely irrelevant to my post.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

To sum up, BDSM is not a mental illness, nor it's about abuse or feeling superior/inferior.

On another note. Anyone in here with foot fetish who likes to lick/suck on toes, what kind of preparation do you want before you do that? I mean, from a hygienic point of view, do you require to have them absolutely clean before or you don't even think about that? (except when they are obviously dirty ofc).


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

I like to use tasers. 

I can do it with instruments, I can do with my own bare hands.


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## OdinsVardogr (Mar 21, 2015)

I like this thread, particularly the poster. Hello. 

Two people completely aware of the flow of power in intimacy is a special occasion. It means they're left bare on an equal playing field even though one energy pulsates and demands and the other remains a stream that adapts, but both are tethered. Any excess becomes obvious as up to that point they both moved with purpose, which was to compliment each others flawed attributes temporarily revealing multifaceted shades of the individual unto itself in clarity. It's the beginning of a discovery, and simultaneously the continuation of an observation of a happening, where you might question why you're moving like that and asserting that isn't me? Excitement paves the way to uncharted territories in which both individuals embark whether they like it or not. This is written by a sensitive passive submissive who's core is the definition of domination when enticed, it loves sharpening blades but loves more not using them. 

I'm not sure where this came from. I'm usually detached from my emotions but it seems this time there was collaboration, sparked by the insights of you lovely people.


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

Just in an attempt to bridge the two contrasting opinions that have presented themselves here.

On the one hand you have people who are quite aware of their sexual self their likes, dislikes and such. They know how to explore themselves in that fashion and to what degrees they are willing to go in order to do so. They fully understand the dynamics at play when it comes to dominant and submissive behavior etc.

On the other hand there are some people(not in this thread in particular but in life in general) who are not so self aware or perhaps aren't too open to the concept of further developing their sexual selves to incorporate more elaborate extensions of pleasure.
But who are we to judge that they are inferior because of it? They are perfectly free to do so for that is their life and how they choose to live it.

I will say this though. The fine line does exist within the context of s sexual relationship for ones pure emotional self to let loose to say the least. Purely because intimacy with someone especially someone that you have a deep connection with presents such a naked environment not just in the physical self but in the mental and emotional as well.

Those who are cautious or sometimes negative thinking when it comes to BDSM practices perhaps fear that this openness might leave room for them to hurt the ones they love even if they do not mean to.

are they wrong in their perspective? I'm inclined to say yes they are when we objectively look at many BDSM practitioners no matter the degrees they go into the practice.

But can we say so with absolutism that it never happens? of course not. I've read accounts of abusive doms and equally abusive subs within certain communities.

To sum up I will say this, alienating a group of people(that is ever growing in the current modern world) just because of a few subjective experiences and fringe occurrences is a disrespect to the very many healthy and open minded individuals who are simply seeking a more flavorful experience in their lives.

Just because you personally do not subscribe to it does not make it wrong in any fashion.

My only hope is going forward the modern world and the people who exist in it will allow themselves to have a better grasp of the realities around them and be open to allowing themselves the opportunity to learn what these are and perhaps use that knowledge to better understand themselves and the people around them.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Crimson Ash said:


> On the other hand there are some people(not in this thread in particular but in life in general) who are not so self aware or perhaps aren't too open to the concept of further developing their sexual selves to incorporate more elaborate extensions of pleasure.
> But who are we to judge that they are inferior because of it? They are perfectly free to do so for that is their life and how they choose to live it.


Well, personally I don't think they are inferior. I may have a problem when they believe they are superior, however.


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

Red Panda said:


> Well, personally I don't think they are inferior. I may have a problem when they believe they are superior, however.



It certainly goes both ways in that regard.

My main point in phrasing it that way was that neither party can assume superiority or inferiority in that manner.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Crimson Ash said:


> It certainly goes both ways in that regard.
> 
> My main point in phrasing it that way was that neither party can assume superiority or inferiority in that manner.


The fact that not all opinions are equal because they're not equally informed apply here. 

Personally, I'm ok with appearing like I have a superiority complex over people who aren't well-versed enough to have a reasonable and informed opinion about BDSM practitioners.


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

Jawz said:


> The fact that not all opinions are equal because they're not equally informed apply here.
> 
> Personally, I'm ok with appearing like I have a superiority complex over people who aren't well-versed enough to have a reasonable and informed opinion about BDSM practitioners.


That is fair enough for you are allowed to operate in whatever fashion you see fit.

However if that complex is preventing you from fully understanding other people and figuring out where they are coming from even if it is a place of misunderstanding then it becomes a problem.

For then you are operating with assumptions and not fully clarified opinions, while they continue to operate with perhaps misguided and misjudged perspectives and insight and would only further delve into that state were they to communicate with someone who is not accommodating to their perspective irrespective of its validity.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Crimson Ash said:


> That is fair enough for you are allowed to operate in whatever fashion you see fit.
> 
> However if that complex is preventing you from fully understanding other people and figuring out where they are coming from even if it is a place of misunderstanding then it becomes a problem.
> 
> For then you are operating with assumptions and not fully clarified opinions, while they continue to operate with perhaps misguided and misjudged perspectives and insight and would only further delve into that state were they to communicate with someone who is not accommodating to their perspective irrespective of its validity.


I would prefer spending my time talking to someone that has already indicated an agnostic view as opposed to someone that's obviously dug in their heels and has no shown no indication whatsoever that they're open to changing their view with new information though *shrug*


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

I still wanna know about the toe sucking though.


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

Jawz said:


> I would prefer spending my time talking to someone that has already indicated an agnostic view as opposed to someone that's obviously dug in their heels and has no shown no indication whatsoever that they're open to changing their view with new information though *shrug*



Certainly I would prefer the same. But people are quite complicated and are a sum of all their understandings and thoughts that they have had in life and have been affirmed by what ever direction it has come into their life.

When it gets to a point where I know that a persons subjective experiences and beliefs are holding them back from even accepting the opposite view point then I simply walk away.

It does you no good to get angry or stressed out about them. All you can do is hope for the best and wish them well in life.

Hoping that the direction they choose to walk in life gives them what they want out of it. 

Because at the end of the day no one person can take that away from another. That is up to them to decide to walk and they have to be willing to take on the responsibility that comes with all the good and the bad that goes along with it.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

OdinsVardogr said:


> I like this thread, particularly the poster. Hello.


Hello. :smile:




> Two people completely aware of the flow of power in intimacy is a special occasion. It means they're left bare on an equal playing field even though one energy pulsates and demands and the other remains a stream that adapts, but both are tethered. Any excess becomes obvious as up to that point they both moved with purpose, which was to compliment each others flawed attributes temporarily revealing multifaceted shades of the individual unto itself in clarity. It's the beginning of a discovery, and simultaneously the continuation of an observation of a happening, where you might question why you're moving like that and asserting that isn't me? Excitement paves the way to uncharted territories in which both individuals embark whether they like it or not. This is written by a sensitive passive submissive who's core is the definition of domination when enticed, it loves sharpening blades but loves more not using them.
> 
> I'm not sure where this came from. I'm usually detached from my emotions but it seems this time there was collaboration, sparked by the insights of you lovely people.


_Hmm..._ This was a rather _intriguing_ + *appreciative* response; I am a bit *unsure*, however, how to directly respond, as it appear(s) you have expressed + tapped into a place of sensitive subjectivity (i.e., emotional core + articulation), thus, I do not, per se, have a need to say // respond - it appear(s) to be a rare relief on your behalf - I assume such expression(s) like this are only to be heard - I have listened.

Regardless, a _marvelous_ post to come home to from a long flight, thanks darling. :smile:


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Crimson Ash said:


> When it gets to a point where I know that a persons subjective experiences and beliefs are holding them back from even accepting the opposite view point then I simply walk away.
> 
> It does you no good to get angry or stressed out about them. All you can do is hope for the best and wish them well in life.
> 
> Hoping that the direction they choose to walk in life gives them what they want out of it.


_Indeed_. He shouldn't be uttering anymore gibberish here; any longer. :cooler: I will not be run out of my own thread (re: or home // specific localities pertaining to I; _et al_); however. That is *absurd* -- we needn't worry about 'em. 

He was certainly allowed (via) my thread (&) I gave him the _benefit of the doubt _quite a _few_ times. He refused to learn + compromise. He is free to continue spamming his opinion(s) (via) my thread, I do not much care what he does -- I am also free, however, to be annoyed + have him_ removed_ at my leisure when tired of hearing him talk _offensive_ [opinions] with 0 objective basis + factual support - just rambling.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

L


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## OdinsVardogr (Mar 21, 2015)

Minx said:


> I assume such expression(s) like this are only to be heard - I have listened.


 Ding ding ding, correct! You're good. As one INTJ girl i knew used to say 'Variety is the spice of life' as if to say she got it but didn't know quite why and because of this couldn't comment, after a while this bothered her in good way (her words) so much so that she doorslammed because it interfered with her other plans. Just a short story... i like to ramble. Have a speedy recovery. layful:


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm not really into BDSM or anything, but I'm more dom than sub. Having a partner laying there begging to be taken is one of the hottest things ever. Even more so if you tease and they go more crazy about it. I love seeing a girl getting sexually frustrated. 
:hampster:
Aside from that, inflicting pain has never appealed to me lol. (Masochism even less so but that kinda goes without saying). I guess I see it as a play of desire, who wants who more. a battle of who can contain themselves and I like to always be one step ahead.



BlackDog said:


> In my experience, men are almost _too_ willing to submit.


Ha that's so true. It seems so common for men to want women to tie them up or whip them or whatever, that sometimes I've questioned my sexuality because I'm always like "eww what? This is what normal hetero men are into?" Lol :idunno:


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

OdinsVardogr said:


> Ding ding ding, correct! You're good. As one INTJ girl i knew used to say 'Variety is the spice of life' as if to say she got it but didn't know quite why and because of this couldn't comment, after a while this bothered her in good way (her words)


Yeahhh, buddy. I'll try anything [re: coitus] _twice_ so long as it ain't stoopit (&) feel(s) good.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

bethdeth said:


> Everyone line up, sit down and shut up*


I feel like there's a joke in here.


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## Kore (Aug 10, 2012)

ninjahitsawall said:


> I feel like there's a joke in here.


It was perfect.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Kore said:


> It was perfect.


Perfectly ironic lol


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Ha that's so true. It seems so common for men to want women to tie them up or whip them or whatever, that sometimes I've questioned my sexuality because I'm always like "eww what? This is what normal hetero men are into?" Lol :idunno:


Nah, man. You'd be surprised how rare truly submissive men are (the kind of submissive men that don't also have some really weird fetishes to go along with their subbiness). A lot of dommes I know are pretty frustrated in that regard. Most of them end up compromising or settling because there just aren't enough submissive men (that aren't also broken in some way) around. It's a rare combination. 

That said, we do have a lot of very passive aggressive beta white knight types that have been raised to worship the divine feminine which end up making it seem like submissive men are more common than they really are. You gotta watch out for those types of men because ultimately they're repressing their primal urges and are prone to some of the most violent outburts (usually against other men, but sometimes against their spouses) because they repress their manhood in order to maintain the beta male persona - and it just can't last.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Jawz said:


> Nah, man. You'd be surprised how rare truly submissive men are (the kind of submissive men that don't also have some really weird fetishes to go along with their subbiness). A lot of dommes I know are pretty frustrated in that regard. Most of them end up compromising or settling because there just aren't enough submissive men (that aren't also broken in some way) around. It's a rare combination.
> 
> That said, we do have a lot of very passive aggressive beta white knight types that have been raised to worship the divine feminine which end up making it seem like submissive men are more common than they really are. You gotta watch out for those types of men because ultimately they're repressing their primal urges and are prone to some of the most violent outburts (usually against other men, but sometimes against their spouses) because they repress their manhood in order to maintain the beta male persona - and it just can't last.


Repression to maintain a more socially acceptable persona, hmm that's another type of submission, ha.


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## Blessed Frozen Cells (Apr 3, 2013)

Facesitting. 'nuff said.


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

I am neither a sub nor a dom. I don't like the idea of inflicting pain except sexual frustration.


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Repression to maintain a more socially acceptable persona, hmm that's another type of submission, ha.


Socially acceptable only within the group of people inside their own echo chamber. Also, I wouldn't say suppression is anything like submission at all. In fact, the motivations that lead to submission are pretty much the opposite of the ones that lead to suppression. Suppression comes with the belief that submissive will lead to one partner being happy which will lead to ones own happiness. Whereas submission at its core is "selfish" in that submission makes one happy and at peace - therefore no repression is necessary with you're submissive.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Notus Asphodelus said:


> I am neither a sub nor a dom. I don't like the idea of inflicting pain except sexual frustration.


Pain is not necessarily included in dom/sub activities.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Jawz said:


> Socially acceptable only within the group of people inside their own echo chamber. Also, I wouldn't say suppression is anything like submission at all. In fact, the motivations that lead to submission are pretty much the opposite of the ones that lead to suppression. Suppression comes with the belief that submissive will lead to one partner being happy which will lead to ones own happiness. Whereas submission at its core is "selfish" in that submission makes one happy and at peace - therefore no repression is necessary with you're submissive.


That's interesting.. I've thought about people with social anxiety that way. Like the social parallel of sexual. Because they worry so much about what others think of them, they suppress themselves socially and try to act in certain ways they figure are "socially acceptable". But since they have to repress to maintain their socially acceptable "persona", suggests they are not naturally a type to go with the crowd. I suspect it's also the "beta white knight types" you speak of who suffer from similar things socially as well.. that image is not purely sexual, but also interpersonal.


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

Red Panda said:


> Pain is not necessarily included in dom/sub activities.


I hear some people like to be tickled.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Notus Asphodelus said:


> I hear some people like to be tickled.


True!


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

How does one even find a domme?
And what are the signs of an effective/suitable one?


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## Tyche (May 12, 2011)

Wellsy said:


> How does one even find a domme?
> And what are the signs of an effective/suitable one?


Fetlife and/or BDSM clubs. 

Just like with any relationship, a suitable partner would be someone who shares similar interests. You would also want to build some kind of relationship (not necessarily romantic, but get to know them) in order to build trust with them. You would want to be sure you're with someone you can trust who will listen to you. If they try to tell you a safe word isn't needed, run. If they want to get down and dirty without talking or _mutual _agreement to what will happen, run. 

While I would say that most BDSM practitioners are regular people who just like kinky sex, it is still possible to encounter people who are either so inexperienced they can be negligent or dangerous, or who are just outright dangerous.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

Can't say I'm into BDSM but sexually I'm pretty dominant, though I probably give off the impression that I'd be a sub. lol 
Neeeh, I like experiencing the feelings of power that I don't feel much in every day life. I want to be able to guide the person to happiness. It helps intensify my own pleasure if I can succeed. 
But I'm open to a battle for dominance. In fact I prefer it if the woman isn't totally submissive. 
I like a rebel who can give me a challenge and an excuse to give them a spankin. h:


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Etherea said:


> Fetlife and/or BDSM clubs.
> 
> Just like with any relationship, a suitable partner would be someone who shares similar interests. You would also want to build some kind of relationship (not necessarily romantic, but get to know them) in order to build trust with them. You would want to be sure you're with someone you can trust who will listen to you. If they try to tell you a safe word isn't needed, run. If they want to get down and dirty without talking or _mutual _agreement to what will happen, run.
> 
> While I would say that most BDSM practitioners are regular people who just like kinky sex, it is still possible to encounter people who are either so inexperienced they can be negligent or dangerous, or who are just outright dangerous.


Great advice. Also, some communities have a 101 class. It teaches you some basics and things to watch out for and party etiquette. 
There are a lot more subs than Dommes or Doms for that matter who go to community events. Lots of asshats who hang out on the periphery and have no local friends.


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## Potatooesunshinerays (Dec 26, 2017)

face sitting sounds like something i'd do if he's being a naughty perv


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Etherea said:


> Fetlife and/or BDSM clubs.
> 
> Just like with any relationship, a suitable partner would be someone who shares similar interests. You would also want to build some kind of relationship (not necessarily romantic, but get to know them) in order to build trust with them. You would want to be sure you're with someone you can trust who will listen to you. If they try to tell you a safe word isn't needed, run. If they want to get down and dirty without talking or _mutual _agreement to what will happen, run.
> 
> While I would say that most BDSM practitioners are regular people who just like kinky sex, it is still possible to encounter people who are either so inexperienced they can be negligent or dangerous, or who are just outright dangerous.


Isn't this the thread where we met?

NVM. This isn't the one. It would be interesting if another similar thread sparks a wonderful relationship for someone else like it did for us.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Hexigoon said:


> But I'm open to a battle for dominance. In fact I prefer it if the woman isn't totally submissive.
> I like a rebel who can give me a challenge and an excuse to give them a spankin. h:


I love the battle as well. Builds lots of sexual tension. That is what (Fe/Se) is for. ENFJ males are like this. I love Fe and Se for this. I would not trade Se for Si. (Fe/Se) male-humanoids love to tumble. Either _dom/aux Fe_. Virtually almost (all) top MMA, *wrestlers,* specimens, are (Fe/Se). They like a good challenge, to wrestle and put on a show. They love to play. Challenge of any sort. Fe/Se pushes back a little. It does not fixate on comfort. It gets frustrated. Argue for a bit without taking it so personal. Let's roll around a bit. Do not give up so easily. Enough truce. All (Fe), there.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Wellsy said:


> How does one even find a domme?
> And what are the signs of an effective/suitable one?


One could say FetLife™ / (or latch onto a group), which the easiest and straight-forward. I have had also some specimen(s) I am dating just flat-out asked, or could just tell. I do not hide the 'kinky' part of myself - or what I like from other specimens or just anyone that asks - or something; if not have it "up there" in requirement(s) for compatibility/discussion. All my close associates, and et al know, since we just talk naturally.

It is also a lot like gay dating. Some feminines have asked "how do you even know if a feminine girl is 'straight' or not, if you are feminine also - feminine women are invisible to other feminine women - 'what signs'?" There are some lesbians that go to events - there are some that ["slide it in"] subtle in casual convo (&) then there are those humanoids that just go for it; and hope not to get told off.


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## Darkest NiTe (Mar 3, 2013)

I'm a natural Dom in all aspects of my life, including with my girlfriend.

She knows that I have a strong desire to be dominated by a strong Domme, so she tries, but it's not natural for her.

Goodness, I would love to be dominated by a sexy lady. If I can find a fit and sexy Domme from 21-33 years old, that'd be AMAZING.


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## Librarylady (Mar 11, 2017)

I've never tried it. I think I'd be more of a sub, but I dislike pain. I'm glad I read the thread though since I learned that there are other mechanics outside of pain. I've always thought dommes were hot, but I feel like I'd need to be in a committed long-term relationship as it requires a lot of trust. Very interesting thread, was interesting to read what things people enjoy doing to subs.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

BDSM seems to be something beyond sex which intrigues me, like it can in some circumstances feel like sex isn't involved at all.
http://www.sagepub.com/sites/defaul...RT_VII___Engaging_in_S&M_Sexual_Practices.pdf


> _Although people report that they have better than-usual sex immediately after a scene, the goal of S&M itself is not intercourse: “A good scene doesn’t end in orgasm; it ends in catharsis._
> _..._
> _After all, the ingredients in good S&M play— communication, respect, and trust—are the same ingredients in good traditional sex. The outcome is the same, too—a feeling of connection to the body and the self._


And something that catches my eye is though at first glance the dom appears to be calling the shots, it seems like they're really meant to be functioning in service to the boundaries and wants of the sub. 
So being a dom seems like one is serving the person in the sub role and their catharsis is through providing that service and satisfaction to the sub. But the sub is in a vulnerable position and so the dom has to be someone of self control and discipline that won't cross set boundaries. And the boundaries themselves being so explicit allow for such an extreme exploration because the plug can be pulled at any moment and then soothed with after care.
I don't feel any pull towards doing such things myself in the way other things have grabbed at me, as I imagine for many it seemed to come more naturally as an interest, but it is very curious behaviour. And no doubt what I said could be entirely off the mark and not reflective of the nuances, which makes me want to learn more.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Wellsy said:


> And something that catches my eye is though at first glance the dom appears to be calling the shots, it seems like they're really meant to be functioning in service to the boundaries and wants of the sub. .


True of the better, more sophisticated Dom/Dommes. Some just like to beat on women. And there is everything in between.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

Spanking, consensual non consent, DD/lg, restraints, teasing in public.


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