# Why do women find men so confusing?



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I'm a female, and very rarely do I find men confusing. My own sex confuses me more than the opposite sex. I just don't understand what's so hard to understand. Men are often shocked that I understand them so well and don't know how to deal with me (which is beside the point but I don't like posting really super short introductory posts). So... really, seriously, what _is_ it about men that is this huge mystery? 

And I'm speaking generally, of course.


----------



## TheWaffle (Aug 4, 2010)

I've always found females more perplexing than males. I don't think I've ever really fit in with the stereotypical female, Feeler-ish behavior, so maybe that's one of the reasons why.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I don't find many people confusing.


----------



## Disfigurine (Jan 1, 2011)

I think the people who perplex me the most are the ones that live in my head.
And the chimney.
Damn chimney folk >_>


----------



## Bunker Man (Jan 4, 2011)

If by "women" and "men" you mean "most people find anything they don't know well confusing" then yes. And I suppose it's obvious that people know the experiences of the opposite sex less than their own most of the time.


----------



## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

They don't know what they want?


Am I funny yet?


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Men are an open book, they don't confuse me.


----------



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Peripheral said:


> They don't know what they want?
> 
> 
> Am I funny yet?


I really hope you don't attempt to hide your posts with white text frequently. If so, that's the first I've noticed. And I see your posts fairly frequently. D:


----------



## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I really hope you don't attempt to hide your posts with white text frequently. If so, that's the first I've noticed. And I see your posts fairly frequently. D:


It's the second time I've done it. Congratulations.

You win nothing. NUMBER THREE!!!!


----------



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Peripheral said:


> It's the second time I've done it. Congratulations.
> 
> You win nothing. NUMBER THREE!!!!



I SEE YOU!!! ... by a fluke, though. so. blah.


----------



## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Men are an open book, they don't confuse me.


You think you could explain to the thead what it is that most women aren't getting?


----------



## SullenAesir (Apr 10, 2011)

Why does it matter? Whatever reason you may have, I doubt it's good enough to warrant the creation of a thread dedicated to stereotyping an entire gender.


----------



## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

I think for people to stereotype either sexes as confusing, it is a way to project and deflect their own misunderstandings of either gender? Either that, or to explain away or dismiss certain behaviors they do not like without looking inwards.

Ex- A male or female that goes, "Why are men (women) so damn confusing?"

By belittling the genders, it makes the whole situation worse. Instead, ask "Why is this situation so complex? Why am _I_ so perplexed??"


----------



## Napoleptic (Oct 29, 2010)

Promethea said:


> I don't find many people confusing.


I _*do*_ find many people confusing.

A person's sex is sort of irrelevant to that.


----------



## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

SullenAesir said:


> Why does it matter? Whatever reason you may have, I doubt it's good enough to warrant the creation of a thread dedicated to stereotyping an entire gender.


Who said anything about creating a whole tread? I just was interested in the thoughts of a woman who said she wasn't confused by men.

What's wrong with that?


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Napoleptic said:


> I _*do*_ find many people confusing.
> 
> A person's sex is sort of irrelevant to that.


Yep. 

When I'm trying to understand how a person's mind is working, I only take gender into account as something that causes an external influence on a person. For example: "perhaps this person's insecurity comes from the fact that [x] for [their gender] is frowned on by -most- people in -this- society, so that could be a root for this particular neurotic behavior, in -this- instance." And many times thats not necessarily even the case. Dr. Phil is a great example of what sort of bullshit I don't believe. Instead of breaking it down and examining it my way, he will simply look at it as: "well, [whatever gender] all wants to be [x] and if they aren't, then they feel like failures." - _It ain't that simple, dr. fail_. People natured in different ways are going to care about different things, and have different motives. It takes a lot of insight into the individual, to understand which motives are there. 

I sometimes wish people were more of a mystery to me. It was more interesting that way. : P


----------



## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

They often may get confused when they think of men as a monolithic homogenous mass who must all act the same and want the same things, as well as trying to attribute behaviour to gender rather than personality - instead of dealing with the guy as an individual person.


----------



## Reclusive (Mar 25, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Men are an open book, they don't confuse me.


I was gonna post my thoughts, but I didn't want to steal your thunder.

Men are so simple usually that this is a curve ball that confuses some.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

I don't feel confusing.


----------



## SullenAesir (Apr 10, 2011)

Peripheral said:


> Who said anything about creating a whole tread? I just was interested in the thoughts of a woman who said she wasn't confused by men.
> 
> What's wrong with that?


 My comment wasn't directed at you.


----------



## zelder (Apr 17, 2011)

I didn't know women found men confusing. I had always thought that men sterotypically found women confusing.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I'm a female, and very rarely do I find men confusing. My own sex confuses me more than the opposite sex. I just don't understand what's so hard to understand. Men are often shocked that I understand them so well and don't know how to deal with me (which is beside the point but I don't like posting really super short introductory posts). So... really, seriously, what _is_ it about men that is this huge mystery?


I find that I often get a much more in-depth understanding of the women I know than the men, and I believe it's because I put more time and effort into listening to and understanding the women. I find the reverse is also true, as I think my female friends have a much better understanding of who I am than my male friends do.

Do you think that you spend more time talking and listening to men than she does?


----------



## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

My Se is very acute, so generally I don't find men (or women) confusing, except for the odd ones here and there with their idiosyncratic, seemingly inexplicable behaviour.


----------



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Stephen said:


> I find that I often get a much more in-depth understanding of the women I know than the men, and I believe it's because I put more time and effort into listening to and understanding the women. I find the reverse is also true, as I think my female friends have a much better understanding of who I am than my male friends do.
> 
> Do you think that you spend more time talking and listening to men than she does?


I definitely spend more time talking to men than women, although men don't usually discuss their problems with me (obviously) unless they're close, and even then they're just not like women about it (again, obvious). My male friends _definitely_ get me better than my female friends. That's a no-brainer.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I definitely spend more time talking to men than women, although men don't usually discuss their problems with me (obviously) unless they're close, and even then they're just not like women about it (again, obvious). My male friends _definitely_ get me better than my female friends. That's a no-brainer.


Well, everyone's different. I'm very open with everyone, especially my female friends. But what I'm asking is, do you spend more time talking and listening to men than _your friend_ does? I'm wondering if she has trouble understanding men because she's not taking the time to listen, while you are.


----------



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Stephen said:


> Well, everyone's different. I'm very open with everyone, especially my female friends. But what I'm asking is, do you spend more time talking and listening to men than _your friend_ does? I'm wondering if she has trouble understanding men because she's not taking the time to listen, while you are.


I didn't mention a friend.... did I? I don't remember mentioning a specific person... but as far as I know I talk to men more than any of my female friends.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I didn't mention a friend.... did I? I don't remember mentioning a specific person... but as far as I know I talk to men more than any of my female friends.


You're right, you never mentioned another individual. I may have been confusing two threads I was posting in. Sorry about that. This does answer my question, though. It seems to me that you understand men because you take the time to listen to them.


----------



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Stephen said:


> You're right, you never mentioned another individual. I may have been confusing two threads I was posting in. Sorry about that. This does answer my question, though. It seems to me that you understand men because you take the time to listen to them.


Do you think most women don't?


----------



## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I'm a female, and very rarely do I find men confusing. My own sex confuses me more than the opposite sex. I just don't understand what's so hard to understand. Men are often shocked that I understand them so well and don't know how to deal with me (which is beside the point but I don't like posting really super short introductory posts). So... really, seriously, what _is_ it about men that is this huge mystery?
> 
> And I'm speaking generally, of course.


You haven't met me.


----------



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Slider said:


> You haven't met me.


Lol I said men rarely confuse me, not that they never confuse me.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

And then again, some people are as deep as a puddle...


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

I think the only men that confuse me are the ones who are trying to confuse me. Only met one like that. The rest are pretty easy to understand.

I wouldn't say I don't understand men, or women. If that were true I would have picked a stupid profession for myself. (I'm a therapist.)


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> And then again, some people are as deep as a puddle...


 Right, all that much easier to understand them. 

Funny enough, in my experience there's plenty of depth to shallow people. It's all in how I approach them as to whether/how soon they show it.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> Do you think most women don't?


I wouldn't make such a generalization. I'm simply saying that you do, and there are other women who don't, and perhaps the reason you understand men is because you take the time to listen.


----------



## alionsroar (Jun 5, 2010)

I think (some) women/men watch too much tv/movies/games/fictionalbooks/magazines etc where they are presented an image of what the typical woman/man might think/do/feel.
And then they go face reality which does not look like what they are led to believe is true.
So they get all confused.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I actually don't find people all that confusing. And I've lived with more men than women. I've always felt pretty comfortable with men. Plus I've always had mostly male friends. However, that has changed in recent years, and I evened my friendships out with women too. They are valuable to me. 

I just don't get it when someone doesn't work on themselves. That jumbles my brain a little.


----------



## StandingTiger (Dec 25, 2010)

Bunker Man said:


> I suppose it's obvious that people know the experiences of the opposite sex less than their own most of the time


...but not all of the time. I'm an exception to that.

And I'm a female feeler. Is that odd?


----------



## Bunker Man (Jan 4, 2011)

hmwith said:


> ...but not all of the time. I'm an exception to that.
> 
> And I'm a female feeler. Is that odd?


No. Different situations can lead to different outcomes. Most people know their own sex's situation better because they base their knowledge of it on it's similarities with how they themselves do things. If anything, I would say it would be most odd for a sensing feeler. Intuitives might base their knowledge on something else.

Of course, even a sensor, or anyone for that matter could be so far from what is common for their own group that their similarities are with another group, so that's whose perspectives they associate with. a good deal of people can't think outside the box, but the box isn't necessarily enclosing the group you would think they should necessarily be a part of.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Bunker Man said:


> No. Different situations can lead to different outcomes. Most people know their own sex's situation better because they base their knowledge of it on it's similarities with how they themselves do things.


I find a lot of people don't know themselves. That is a bigger issue.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> I find a lot of people don't know themselves. That is a bigger issue.


So true. Worst experiences I have had with men - the ones who don't know who they are, and just pretend to be what you want, long enough to play the game for a while.


----------



## Pillow (Apr 17, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> And then again, some people are as deep as a puddle...


When talking to one of my male friends about having conflicting emotions about something, he looked puzzled and said "You can have more than one emotion at a time?"


----------



## Bunker Man (Jan 4, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> I find a lot of people don't know themselves. That is a bigger issue.


A lot of things are big issues. The thing is that most people can't understand the ultimate source reasons they themselves do things, which if they knew they would be able to apply similar reasonings to others. They only know the surface reasons, frequency, and other readily observable things, which is what they base their primary knowledge on, which inhibits them in both areas.

So it's really the same issue. Another problem is that people think that they're something which has to be "discovered" rather than them realizing they aren't set in stone, and can be simultaneously created and discovered at the same time. Everyone wants to justify their flaws, rather than work to improve themselves.


----------



## Ormazd (Jan 26, 2010)

Stephen said:


> take the time to listen.


Isn't that generally how one understands a *person*?


I personally find _people_ confusing. Gender is a non-issue.


----------



## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

INFJ males are confusing. LOL...


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Bunker Man said:


> Everyone wants to justify their flaws, rather than work to improve themselves.


Hm. Yes, this is true for some people. But I don't know about "everyone". I know I didn't spend 3 years in therapy paying someone to tell me things I only wanted to hear. What would be the point? Good therapists will challenge you. 

I try to work hard on understanding why I do the things I do. Learning about myself and overcoming a lot of crap is the road to empathy for me.



Hokahey said:


> INFJ males are confusing. LOL...


Naw, I got your number too. Just call me the Man Whisperer :tongue:


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Double post. Argh.


----------



## nallyha (Apr 23, 2010)

that's what men would say about women too. I guess they're both more interesting that way, and i think both sex don't totally open up to each other, so they say things in a certain circumstance that they don't really mean,just for a certain effect at that point, then i a similar or perhaps the same circumstance, say something completely different, again, just for a certain effect at that given point, so yes that would be very stressing and confusing, so please people, let intimacy rule.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

Ormazd said:


> Isn't that generally how one understands a *person*?
> 
> I personally find _people_ confusing. Gender is a non-issue.


Absolutely. But the OP said she understands men better than women, while others do not. Gender became the issue. My point was that if someone is having more trouble understanding men than women, perhaps they are listening to the men more than the women, just as I have had a tendency to listen to women more than men.


----------



## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Stephen said:


> Absolutely. But the OP said she understands men better than women, while others do not. Gender became the issue. My point was that if someone is having more trouble understanding men than women, perhaps they are listening to the men more than the women, just as I have had a tendency to listen to women more than men.


 And it might also be exposing yourself to the more-understood group more often than the less-understood group.

I find if I don't understand a set of behaviors or tendencies or type of person, I address this by bringing myself into contact with them more. Best way to combat ignorance, and most of understanding is what happens when your ignorance is dealt with.

Show me you and I learn you and then I understand you. More or less.


----------



## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Naw, I got your number too. Just call me the Man Whisperer :tongue:


So why haven't you called yet? :tongue:


----------



## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Here's how you understand us in three easy steps:

Step 1: Stop making it so complicated.
Step 2: Don't ask for subtle implication anything.
Step 3: See step 1


----------



## Napoleptic (Oct 29, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Just call me the Man Whisperer :tongue:


I must know your secret post-haste!!


----------



## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Because men are the superior gender.

Yep, picking up the trend. Also, inb4 shitstorm to those that couldn't detect the sarcasm.


----------



## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Women want to believe that men are as complex as they are. At least in the context of sex and relationships, what men want is usually very straightforward and simple, while what women want can be insanely complex.


----------



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

hziegel said:


> Women want to believe that men are as complex as they are. At least in the context of sex and relationships, what men want is usually very straightforward and simple, while what women want can be insanely complex.


You know, I have NEVER thought that. Perhaps that really is why.


----------



## sofort99 (Mar 27, 2010)

hziegel said:


> Women want to believe that men are as complex as they are. At least in the context of sex and relationships, what men want is usually very straightforward and simple, while what women want can be insanely complex.


Men want a sandwich, a beer, a little pussy and the occasional blowjob. In no particular order.

Everything they do can be viewed as "how or why do they think that's going to get them X."


----------



## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

sofort99 said:


> Men want a sandwich, *a beer*, a little pussy and the occasional blowjob. In no particular order.
> 
> Everything they do can be viewed as "how or why do they think that's going to get them X."


I'm a barcardi gold rum and coke guy myself. :tongue:

I can't stand beer unless it's German.


----------



## Ormazd (Jan 26, 2010)

sofort99 said:


> Men want a sandwich, a beer, a little pussy and the occasional blowjob. In no particular order.



Comments like this make me wish I could never be associated with "men". :dry:


I don't even like beer.


----------



## Introvertigo (Dec 27, 2010)

In my experience, men aren't at all confusing. And most of them are pretty easy to please.


----------



## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

The men I have known have tended to be more up front than most women I have known. When a guy gets mad, he let's me know very clearly, in real time, and why. BOOM! Storm passes and we are good to go.

The women?? Total opposite. They might actually schmooze, all nicey nice , all the while planning to stab my back when I least expect it. The payback can be long and drawn out. The women, unlike my guy friends, tend to involve others, lining up a gang on their "side". Most dudes seem to blast me head on, one-on-one, which seems more fair.

Not generalizing either gender, but MY personal experience has been one of transparency vs subterfuge. No wonder I have mostly male friends and female acquaintences.


----------

