# Abusive husband



## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

He needs to first _prove_ to you that he has changed - and change is often a slow process even when we try. If he said he will go to therapy then let him prove that, not just saying he will and later change his mind. Actions speak louder than words.

And just remember something very important: It is NEVER ok for him to hit you or slap you.


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## Bugs (May 13, 2014)

elena1 said:


> Hello,
> I told my husband i would leave him because of 2. But it's really difficult because it's like he is two different persons and i dont think anybody else will be like 1. And i still love him so much and miss him when i am not with him. And the worst is now he is calling me crying in the street, he never cries and cértainly not in the street, he is Saying he can see how much bad he has done to me, and he is so sorry, wants to be with me, and will go see a therapist and he cant sleep or eat. It breaks my heart to see him like this, but i remember all he did and i have to take care of myself to. Can he really change or is it too strong in his core? Many men in his culture is most worse than him, i have seen woman in his family talk about that her husband hits her anywhere also just in the street if he gets angry and ones husband also hits so she thinks it's normally and he threat her everyday with hitting, even for things like the food is too spicy!!:shocked: do you think he could change and keep up with it, i dont know what i should do, i dont want to be without him but i dont want myself to be nervous and miserable the rest of my life if he doesnt change. My mother is pretty clear and tell me it would be the most stupid thing if i go back to him, but i dont know if he can change or not.
> 
> 1. Holds me everynight, loves to cuddle up with me, takes so good care when I am sick and holds me hair up when really really sick ..., writes poetry for me, great personal gift giver, takes home something delicious at night for me, joke with me, tells me everything about himself, i know i can trust him he tells me everything about now and before and he just does so many things for me.
> ...


He's placing a condition on you based on what you said here. He's basically saying IF you take me back THEN I will go to therapy. If he was sincerely ashamed of how he was towards you then he would tell you something more along the lines of this : ' I understand I have done a lot to hurt you and I don't blame you for wanting to leave. I think separation is a good thing right now. In this time I will go and seek therapy and try to figure things out. There is no pressure on you to take me back. I have a real problem and I need to do something to fix this so I don't hurt anymore people around me. Thank you for being real with me.' That's it. He shouldn't put a condition upon you as if its your responsibility to fix him by taking him back.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

elena1 said:


> Hello,
> I told my husband i would leave him because of 2. But it's really difficult because it's like he is two different persons and i dont think anybody else will be like 1. And i still love him so much and miss him when i am not with him. And the worst is now he is calling me crying in the street, he never cries and cértainly not in the street, he is Saying he can see how much bad he has done to me, and he is so sorry, wants to be with me, and will go see a therapist and he cant sleep or eat. It breaks my heart to see him like this, but i remember all he did and i have to take care of myself to. Can he really change or is it too strong in his core? Many men in his culture is most worse than him, i have seen woman in his family talk about that her husband hits her anywhere also just in the street if he gets angry and ones husband also hits so she thinks it's normally and he threat her everyday with hitting, even for things like the food is too spicy!!:shocked: do you think he could change and keep up with it, i dont know what i should do, i dont want to be without him but i dont want myself to be nervous and miserable the rest of my life if he doesnt change. My mother is pretty clear and tell me it would be the most stupid thing if i go back to him, but i dont know if he can change or not.
> 
> 1. Holds me everynight, loves to cuddle up with me, takes so good care when I am sick and holds me hair up when really really sick ..., writes poetry for me, great personal gift giver, takes home something delicious at night for me, joke with me, tells me everything about himself, i know i can trust him he tells me everything about now and before and he just does so many things for me.
> ...


It's difficult to forget somebody who you love and you know is fond of you but keep this in your mind - he abuses you - he doesn't trust you and he tries to control you - none of this defines love . With love comes trust- how can you love somebody and then accuse them for thinking about somebody else and stalk and watch their every move - I've never checked my husbands phone or email account unless he asked me to check something for him - if my partner was to spend the night over at his female friends house- I wouldn't flinch bc I trust him enough to know that he would never betray me and the same goes vice versa . Stop reminiscing what's good about him - that's what causing you not to forget about him -right now the pain is cause by missing somebody you see daily - look at him like a drug addiction- he's not good for you , it may hurt now but years from now you'll be glad of the decision you make . Good luck


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## Michael82 (Dec 13, 2010)

MelodyGirl said:


> You seem new to the forum. I wouldn't naturally go to a personality type forum for this kind of advice. Do you have a church? Good friends? Counselors? I'd absolutely go there instead.


I hate to admit it, but I don't take new members with deep problems seriously so I fully agree with you.


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