# Where can I find sweet guys



## AgnosticGirl (Apr 20, 2012)

Apparently many women perceive domineering as manly. This guy has been coming onto me. He's an actor. The shell is nice, but the aggressiveness is a turn off. He tells me how many women think his being a jerk is sexy, but it isn't tempting. I feel uncomfortable when he flirts with me. He treats women like w****s. Alot of women don't seem to mind, infact, they like it. It's not my cup of tea. 

I want sweetness in a man. It's a preference. Where are the gentle natured ones hiding? Loving...sentimental...I like it! Nothing casts a spell on me like a man with a big heart. I'm very selective about potential mates...and I know what I want. It's so rare. :sad:

I'm so disappointed with jackasses. They are everywhere. I can't love a jerk.


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

Best places would probably be in people-oriented jobs. Whether that's customer service in a store, or maybe health care (such as nursing or certain doctors), assisted living care, or working in a library, whatever. Jerks won't have those jobs, at least not for long. There's a certain level of patience, consideration, and compassion required there, lol.

In a more social setting, it'd probably be a coffee shop instead of a bar or club. Maybe a library. Some place with a relaxed atmosphere. I'm not just talking about introverts either. Gentle Es like those places too, even more so really. That's what comes to my mind, anyway.


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

*walks in, looks around, smiles, walks back out*


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## lifeisanillusion (Feb 21, 2011)

Places where people volunteer. I might also suggest something that involves working or helping animals, as well as jobs or places that help people. Parks, or outdoor activities like hiking. You probably know or see some right now, but may not notice them right away. Once you get to know them, then you will see it. You might have to be willing to make the first move as well, especially with more introverted men. They maybe thinking the same thing you are and think you're a great women they would like to get to know, but will be scared or shy to make the first move.


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## Dimensional Transition (Sep 12, 2011)

Eh.

Guys get kind of programmed over time to act agressive and tough. Emphasis on 'act'. As you grow up, you see the girls mostly go for the macho, high-testosterone guys. Over time they get sick of that, but by then, most 'sweet guys' have been trying to become more mean and tough as well, so it's all out of balance.

I'm convinced there are a lot more 'sweet guys' than you might think. They just hide under a layer of insecure toughness. I've done it myself. Not anymore though, it's kinda pathetic. But really, they're not that hard to come by. Especially if you're over 25 or something, the whole macho-thing shouldn't be that prevalent anymore.


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

The internet is the new coffee shop.

You can get to know someone's mind and character in depth before you even speak.

Alternatively: Demand 3 references from his female friends before you agree to a date!


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## Kyandigaru (Mar 11, 2012)

_"I want sweetness in a man. It's a preference. Where are the gentle natured ones hiding? Loving...sentimental...I like it! Nothing casts a spell on me like a man with a big heart. I'm very selective about potential mates...and I know what I want."

_Hmm? Not everyone is the same when I tell you, that you're just like me.

I am VERY selective of my life to the point that I once thought I would be the crazy cat lady. Men seem to all want to be either the horn dogs, players, thugs or losers (no life goals) even. I grew tired of waiting and wanting, that I HAD to sign up to a dating site. I never thought I'd find someone who I'd grow to know and love, but everyday I'm finding that out.

There's nothing wrong with being picky as long as you yourself possess those same qualities you want in a man. Also, don't be too critical of men when you first meet them. Some men say butthole shit, thinking its sexy or desirable.


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

*peeks back in to see if there's any other guys like him..... then leaves*


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## DarkyNWO (Mar 21, 2011)

You'll find nice, sweet guys in the friendzone where you left them. =)


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## Laney (Feb 20, 2012)

There's one^ There are a bunch on this site actually. I think we need a singles thread.


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

Well, you can find one at my house roud:

@knittigan @Angua and @emerald sea will all tell you how sweet I am. roud:


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

AgnosticGirl said:


> Apparently many women perceive domineering as manly. This guy has been coming onto me. He's an actor. The shell is nice, but the aggressiveness is a turn off. He tells me how many women think his being a jerk is sexy, but it isn't tempting. I feel uncomfortable when he flirts with me. He treats women like w****s. Alot of women don't seem to mind, infact, they like it. It's not my cup of tea.
> 
> I want sweetness in a man. It's a preference. Where are the gentle natured ones hiding? Loving...sentimental...I like it! Nothing casts a spell on me like a man with a big heart. I'm very selective about potential mates...and I know what I want. It's so rare. :sad:
> 
> I'm so disappointed with jackasses. They are everywhere. I can't love a jerk.


Online. I'm honestly surprised that there is a girl who wants nice guys. The thing is nice guys are everywhere. Just look for the guys who are somewhat awkward and never boast to be that romantically experienced. Target the guys who nobody seems to romantically notice.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Lol, "sweet" guys are literally everywhere. They are the ones that most women step on as the rush past them to get their hands on the limited numbers of "hot" guys.


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

I was very sweet to the prostitutes i killed, just before i killed them, it was the only way to get them to get close enough to kill them. 

But what i think you are honestly looking for is a guy with all the qualities of an asshole, but who is actually sweet. else the question wouldn't have been asked, since the amount of nice people out there is by the millions and they are everywhere.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

jeffbobs said:


> I was very sweet to the prostitutes i killed, just before i killed them, it was the only way to get them to get close enough to kill them.
> 
> But what i think you are honestly looking for is a guy with all the qualities of an asshole, but who is actually sweet. else the question wouldn't have been asked, since the amount of nice people out there is by the millions and they are everywhere.


Excellent post! Nice Guys are everwhere, but get ignored.


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## berwolf16 (Feb 18, 2012)

well I would say it depends a lot on how old of a guy your looking to date, where you live, and what you plan to do with your life. 

one place may have lots of "sweet" that are hiding. another @$$es.

ill tell you something. one of the things I was made fun of for many years in school was being sweet and nice and kind (im a ESFJ guy ) it was so bad to the point I can't show my deep feelings to my best friend( another guy and no, I'm not gay) 

the only time I can is when I'm with a girl that is a friend that I trust. even then I don't sometimes. I was just made fun of so much I lock down a lot and hide. I'm subconsciously scared I might be hurt more.

you would find a sweet guy giving service, or working a job like hospital, but make sure they like there job.

I'm a ESFJ guy so if you would like to ask me more just PM me and ill get back to you.


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## goesupinward (Jun 11, 2010)

That particular guy is the guy that is always there for you, when you need a shoulder to cry on, someone who is there for you to talk to, get out of his way to help you out...yup, hes right next to you. Just look in your group of friends and pick out that guy. 

Some of these females these days goes after the assholes, hardasses but complain as to why men are dead in the world when things doesn't go their way. You bought it upon yourself and you have no one else to complain to by yourself.


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## The King Of Dreams (Aug 18, 2010)

*comes back in, looks around, waves hello and then leaves*


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## zeBunnyQueen (Sep 6, 2010)

Haha, The King of Dreams.

Seriously, they can be almost anywhere as long as you avoid Bros-parties or places like that. 

I found my sweetie bear from an indoor rock climbing gathering. 

You don't have to go to a certain place to hunt for them, just be sure to have your sweet guy-radar up wherever you go.


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

The sweet guys are at home playing video games, usually.
Maybe sign up for Xbox Live?

(P.S.: Don't take the homosexual, gender and racial discrimination chatter to heart. Those online gamers are just "playing".)


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> Take a look at this: Vixen’s Guide to: Dating a Nice Guy | Baggage Reclaim It's a guide to spotting a nice guy and dating him.
> ___________________________
> 
> 
> ...


yeah, I'm not sure if you'd qualify as a "nice guy". I've seen your homicidally-tinged posts y'know..lol.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Duck_of_Death said:


> Cancer is wrong, too. But it happens regardless.


It's still something most of us try to prevent.

I'll look for the faithful 40%.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

dagnytaggart said:


> yeah, I'm not sure if you'd qualify as a "nice guy". I've seen your homicidally-tinged posts y'know..lol.


Hey, just because I'm a gun guy doesn't mean I'm evil. And nobody's perfect. I'm quite nice, and just a tinge ax crazy.


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## Stelmaria (Sep 30, 2011)

This should go without saying but 'nice/sweet' guys don't tend to ask out people they don't know very well. Secondly, just because someone is nice/sweet doesn't mean you will get along with them well. People mostly meet in places where they regularly spend time together, where they clearly share common interests. As romantic as it sounds, most people don't meet on trains in Vienna while travelling.
This is why most committed relationships don't arise from meeting strangers in coffee shops, pubs and clubs. But, rather shared hobbies, workplaces and the intermingling of groups of friends.


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

goesupinward said:


> And I appreciate it. I didn't really care about the statistics. There's no way of knowing the exact amount, it could be any number. That was the non-issue though. I was just saying that it is wrong for the woman to cheat on the guy while they are in a relationship, as duck_of_death gave the idea to the OP to do.


1) Get a sense of humor.
2) I'm not responsible for the actions of others.


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## goesupinward (Jun 11, 2010)

Duck_of_Death said:


> 1) Get a sense of humor.
> 2) I'm not responsible for the actions of others.


So its funny to tell to someone whos in a relationship to go cheat up on another person. Yeah, thats very funny and I forgot to laugh about it..


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## goesupinward (Jun 11, 2010)

Snow Leopard said:


> This should go without saying but 'nice/sweet' guys don't tend to ask out people they don't know very well. Secondly, just because someone is nice/sweet doesn't mean you will get along with them well. People mostly meet in places where they regularly spend time together, where they clearly share common interests. As romantic as it sounds, most people don't meet on trains in Vienna while travelling.
> This is why most committed relationships don't arise from meeting strangers in coffee shops, pubs and clubs. But, rather shared hobbies, workplaces and the intermingling of groups of friends.


I think a lot of relationships arises from mutual friends; they introduce you to the other person.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> Take a look at this: Vixen’s Guide to: Dating a Nice Guy | Baggage Reclaim It's a guide to spotting a nice guy and dating him.


Yay i am a nice guy!
If you count 10.5/12 a nice guy

1. *When you call him anytime of the day or night, does he talk to you even though you woke him up and protest when you try to get off the phone?*
2. *Is he always neatly dressed, clothes ironed and distinguished whenever he goes out?*
3. *Does he abstain from drugs, guns, excessive liquor and other substances?*
4. *Is his body free from excessive tattoos and piercings, gold grills and flashy jewellery?*5. *Does he steer away from foul language, and swears sparingly if ever? Does he apologise when he uses curse words in front of you?*
6. *Does he bring you flowers for no reason at all, gifts on occasion, and remembers your favourite drinks and dessert?*
7. *Does he open doors for you* and pull your chair back? *Does he stand up whenever you leave or enter the room?*
8. *Does he help you carry anything heavy/bulky, does he assist with putting your coat on, does he offer to fix anything that breaks down in your place of abode?*
9. *Does he walk with you on the inside (with him closer to the street) when you are taking a walk through the neighbourhood?*
10. Did he tell you that he loved you first? Is he vocal about his emotions and feelings?
11. *Does he consider what you would like to do, and value your input in any discourse?*
12. *Does he put very little if any pressure on you to have sex with him?*
13. Does he consider your comfort when with him, adjusting the temperature of the car/home to suit your needs, *offering his jacket when it’s cold etc etc?
*(i dont control the thermostat so i dont know.)


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

goesupinward said:


> So its funny to tell to someone whos in a relationship to go cheat up on another person. Yeah, thats very funny and I forgot to laugh about it..


Look, guy. If you can't figure it out, that's on you.
I would recommend NOT taking everything at face-value.

Thanks for the time.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

My score: 11/13

*1. When you call him anytime of the day or night, does he talk to you even though you woke him up and protest when you try to get off the phone?*
*2. Is he always neatly dressed, clothes ironed and distinguished whenever he goes out?*
*3. Does he abstain from drugs, *guns*, excessive liquor and other substances?*
*4. Is his body free from excessive tattoos and piercings, gold grills and flashy jewellery?*
5. Does he steer away from foul language, and swears sparingly if ever? *Does he apologise when he uses curse words in front of you?*
*6. Does he bring you flowers for no reason at all, gifts on occasion, and remembers your favourite drinks and dessert?
7. Does he open doors for you and pull your chair back? Does he stand up whenever you leave or enter the room?*
*8. Does he help you carry anything heavy/bulky, does he assist with putting your coat on, *does he offer to fix anything that breaks down in your place of abode?
*9. Does he walk with you on the inside (with him closer to the street) when you are taking a walk through the neighbourhood?
**10. Did he tell you that he loved you first?* Is he vocal about his emotions and feelings?
*11. Does he consider what you would like to do, and value your input in any discourse?*
*12. Does he put very little if any pressure on you to have sex with him?
13. Does he consider your comfort when with him, adjusting the temperature of the car/home to suit your needs, offering his jacket when it’s cold etc etc?*

I score rather well.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

@goesupinward stop talking to whats his face
he is a bigot and a troll


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

Oh lord. That list is laughable.

None of that stuff is important, nor does it make you a nice person.

Besides, I dated a very stereotypical sweet, nice, chivalrous gentleman for the past year and a half and still ended up getting my heart ridiculously broken due to, honestly, downright deception so I think I'll return to the assholes who will at least _tell _me when they're not into me anymore.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

viva said:


> Oh lord. That list is laughable.
> 
> None of that stuff is important, nor does it make you a nice person.


My ego! D:


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

Pete The Lich said:


> My ego! D:


Hah, I didn't mean it as an insult. I just don't think things like dressing well and walking on the outside of the sidewalk translate to being a good person...


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

viva said:


> Hah, I didn't mean it as an insult. I just don't think things like dressing well and walking on the outside of the sidewalk translate to being a good person...


Not at all
i think what the author was getting at was chivalry
BUT


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

Pete The Lich said:


> Not at all
> i think what the author was getting at was chivalry


Yeah, I guess. But chivalrous =/= nice.

Believe me.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

viva said:


> Yeah, I guess. But chivalrous =/= nice.
> 
> Believe me.


Thats why i added a big but

my Pness was showing and i posted before i was finished :/


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

Pete The Lich said:


> Yay i am a nice guy!
> If you count 10.5/12 a nice guy
> 
> 1. *When you call him anytime of the day or night, does he talk to you even though you woke him up and protest when you try to get off the phone?*
> ...


Lol. If they're the nice guy standards I'm a total asshole.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

Sonny said:


> Lol. If they're the nice guy standards I'm a total asshole.


Fear not that list is not comprehensive


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

^ Yep, it's a quick list for super nice guys.


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

Pete The Lich said:


> Fear not that list is not comprehensive


And I do apologise for my poor language, good sir.

:laughing:


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

Sonny said:


> And I do apologise for my poor language, good sir.
> 
> :laughing:


You sir will fair well in life.


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

viva said:


> Besides, I dated a very stereotypical sweet, nice, chivalrous gentleman for the past year and a half and still ended up getting my heart ridiculously broken due to, honestly, downright deception so I think I'll return to the assholes who will at least _tell_ me when they're not into me anymore.


To be fair, I empathize with your ex on some strange hypothetical level. 

As a Nine, I am ridiculously self-forgetting, and even in the best relationships, you will have to be patient with me.

When a problem approaches, we always think "Oh, this will smooth over", and sometimes it does. You're lucky your relationship ended within a year and a half. Some Nines end up lying to themselves and others for longer than that. Heck, Nines are notorious for dragging whole marriages out.

All for the sake of "keeping the union" and basic fear of disconnection. It's kind of like people faking orgasms.

Unless my Ni is way off base with this. For all I know, he could have passive-aggressively hid thousands of fake corpses in his backyard so you would find them and break up with him for being a crazy murderer.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

Torai said:


> To be fair, I empathize with your ex on some strange hypothetical level.
> 
> As a Nine, I am ridiculously self-forgetting, and even in the best relationships, you will have to be patient with me.
> 
> ...


No, you're dead on, but just because other people are the same way doesn't make it right.

But that is not a discussion for this thread.


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

viva said:


> No, you're dead on, but just because other people are the same way doesn't make it right.
> 
> But that is not a discussion for this thread.


Yeah, sorry for prying.

But it's like my friend always says,

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

In terms of finding nice guys, the OP should just start by making friends. To be honest, most nice guys are really shy, and jerks are over represented in the sample, because they're too confident. And seeing how someone acts around their friends is a better indicator of how they will act in the later stages of a relationship.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

That list is the fucking stupidest thing I've ever seen.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> That list is the fucking stupidest thing I've ever seen.


Care to explain?


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

Pete The Lich said:


> Care to explain?


It's pretty much a "Does he kiss your ass?" list.

Most of my female friends curse like sailors, for example. Heck, the person I know who says "cunt" the most is a woman.

My INFP friend has a ridiculous tattoo, and he's respectful and nice to women he dates.


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> That list is the fucking stupidest thing I've ever seen.


Have you never watched reality tv?


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

OH OH OH
I FINALLY GET TO USE THIS IMAGE

YESS!


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

Torai said:


> It's pretty much a "Does he kiss your ass?" list.
> 
> Most of my female friends curse like sailors, for example. Heck, the person I know who says "cunt" the most is a woman.
> 
> My INFP friend has a ridiculous tattoo, and he's respectful and nice to women he dates.



Thats not very lady like at all...
also
Curses are supposed to have significant meaning
a person drops a penny and walks away
its just a penny... not worth anything

If i curse it is a clear indicator i am genuinely angry
hince the definition


*curse*
noun /kərs/ 
curses, plural
A solemn utterance intended to invoke a supernatural power to inflict harm or punishment on someone or something
- she'd put a curse on him


A cause of harm or misery
- impatience is the curse of our day and age


Menstruation


An offensive word or phrase used to express anger or annoyance
- his mouth was spitting vile oaths and curses

people use curse words to look "cool" is my guess




as for tattoos what you said is true


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

Pete The Lich said:


> @goesupinward stop talking to whats his face
> he is a bigot and a troll


The "whats-his-face" doesn't work for me. It's Duck_of_Death.
You may wish to add a "Mr." in front of it as well.

Can you post another list, please? 
I need to optimize my nice guy abilities so I can never get laid again.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Pete The Lich said:


> Care to explain?


Yes. 

1. *When you call him anytime of the day or night, does he talk to you even though you woke him up and protest when you try to get off the phone?*

This is not indicative of a nice guy. This is indicative of a pushover and someone who is overly clingy. That behaviour is not healthy. Neither party should be at the other's beck and call, and it is disrespectful to call someone when you know they are asleep. Protesting when someone tries to get off the phone is clingy and obnoxious, unless you're fifteen. Which I'm not. Nor is the OP. 

2. *Is he always neatly dressed, clothes ironed and distinguished whenever he goes out?*

This is not indicative of a nice guy. This is indicative of someone who cares about his external appearance for whatever reason. 

3. *Does he abstain from drugs, guns, excessive liquor and other substances?

*Again, not indicative of a nice guy. These are lifestyle choices. Using drugs and liquor does not necessarily make one an asshole. I know plenty of men who are quite mellow when they drink. If a man has a gun in his home for protection, it is not indicative of his character. 

4. *Is his body free from excessive tattoos and piercings, gold grills and flashy jewellery?*

Indicates nothing. Excessive tattoos and piercings are not indicative of douchebags. It is a lifestyle choice. Gold grills and super flashy jewellry are typically worn by immature males, yes, but at the end of the day it is still a stereotype and is not indicative of one's character.

5. *Does he steer away from foul language, and swears sparingly if ever? Does he apologise when he uses curse words in front of you?*

Just because someone swears in front of me does not mean he is an asshole. Just because someone refrains from swearing in front of women does not mean he is a nice guy. This is not the 1950s. 

6. *Does he bring you flowers for no reason at all, gifts on occasion, and remembers your favourite drinks and dessert?*

This is a sweet thing to do, yes. But it can also be indicative of someone trying to get in your pants. 

7. *Does he open doors for you* *and pull your chair back? Does he stand up whenever you leave or enter the room?*

Not. Indicative. Of. Someone's. Character. Okay, maybe the opening doors part is. But a lot of men hold doors open for me at least, can't speak for other ladies. I don't think anything of it. I think dropping the door on someone is a dick move, regardless of gender. 

Does he stand up whenever I leave or enter the room? What?! That sounds very tedious. Again, not indicative of character, but likely indicative of confusing the fuck out of people. 

8. *Does he help you carry anything heavy/bulky, does he assist with putting your coat on, does he offer to fix anything that breaks down in your place of abode?

*I'll give you the helping with carrying heavy stuff. Assisting with putting my coat on is creepy and invasive and doesn't exactly give off the "nice guy" vibe, at least not to me. And it could still mean he's trying to fuck you. NOT offering to fix anything that breaks does not automatically make him an asshole. It might mean he doesn't know how to fix it. Or doesn't know it's broken.

9. *Does he walk with you on the inside (with him closer to the street) when you are taking a walk through the neighbourhood?*

I've heard this before and simply do not understand the notion so I'm going to leave it alone because I don't feel I can respond properly. 
*
10. Did he tell you that he loved you first? Is he vocal about his emotions and feelings?*

Some people are not good at expressing emotions and feelings, and a lack of expression does not make someone an asshole. However, I do agree that a man who has at least somewhat of an ability to express his emotions probably means he has a sensitive side and is therefore less likely to be one of those jerky, controlling types. 

11. *Does he consider what you would like to do, and value your input in any discourse?*

This is common sense. 

12. *Does he put very little if any pressure on you to have sex with him?*

I'll give you this one. 

*13. Does he consider your comfort when with him, adjusting the temperature of the car/home to suit your needs, offering his jacket when it’s cold etc etc?*

To a certain extent, I will give you this one as well. It is about compromise, not being constantly uncomfortable in your home or car just so someone else is happy.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Sonny said:


> Have you never watched reality tv?


In the most non-bitchy way possible, how is that relevant?


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> In the most non-bitchy way possible, how is that relevant?


"That list is the fucking stupidest thing I've ever seen."

... I've seen plenty stupider. 
... Starting with reality tv.

It's always worse when you have to explain the one liners :sad:


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

Duck_of_Death said:


> The "whats-his-face" doesn't work for me. It's Duck_of_Death.
> You may wish to add a "Mr." in front of it as well.
> 
> Can you post another list, please?
> I need to optimize my nice guy abilities so I can never get laid again.





Duck_of_Death said:


> 1) Get a sense of humor.
> 2) I'm not responsible for the actions of others.






And here you go

* *





1. *Are first and foremost, gentlemen.* They are polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs. They open the door, pull her chair, lend their coat, offer to escort her home, pay for the dinner and kiss her goodbye on the cheek not on the lips. Good guys never cross the line of being inappropriate.
2. *Sense a quality woman from miles.* They adjust their approach accordingly because they realize the first impression is the most lasting one. What works with 90 % of the women they met before may not work with the 10 % of quality women out there. Good guys have a keen sense for those special women.
3. *Are not intimidated by strong women.* Good guys are not threatened by women who speak their minds, have different opinions, show passion or the causes they believe in or perhaps, earn more money than them. They see strong women as a gift to society because they are the ones who have the power to change things for the better.
4. *Never EVER use cheese lines or compliments to approach a woman*. The chances are she already knows she’s attractive and has heard it a million of times. Good guys don’t compliment physical attributes. They compliment woman’s mind…her intellect…or better yet…her soul!
5. *They know that to keep a woman around, they have to stimulate ALL of her senses* – physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Good guys can satisfy a woman’s needs in every aspect of life and beyond.
6. *Don’t ever rush physical intimacy*. They understand the specialness of the act and prefer to invest in building the emotional and spiritual connections first. Once those two are established, the sexual connection will blow both of their minds away!
7. *Make love to a woman’s soul at the same time as her body.* Merging with her soul is their ultimate goal…not just a mere orgasm.
8. *Are supportive to woman’s personal and career goals.* They understand the importance of individual growth outside the relationship realm. Good guys see their woman’s success as their own success. Therefore, they prefer to encourage her to move forward as opposed to oppress her desires for expansion.
9. *Write cards, send text messages, buy flowers and cook dinners for a woman as an act of thoughtfulness*. Good guys don’t need an occasion to express their love. They just do it spontaneously.
10. *Keep their word*. If they promised to call, stop by, take you out or do anything else, they stick to their promise. If they are unable to fulfill their promise, good guys have a sensible explanation…not a lame excuse.
11. *Are not jealous.* Good guys don’t require for a woman to check with them every single hour, to give them detailed reports on who she’s speaking to on the phone, to document every one of her activities or to follow everywhere she goes. They are secure enough in themselves to need a constant reaffirmation of the status of their relationship.
12. *Are a woman’s best friend!* They know that to have a lasting relationship and consequently a lasting marriage, they have to build a solid base first…which is the friendship. Good guys are a woman’s Allie not her enemy in this crazy world.
13. *Are in touch with their romantic side.* They are not afraid to express their emotions, talk about their feelings, show their interest and do it in the most romantic ways possible. Good guys can make a woman’s heart melt from miles away just by opening their romantic side and letting the love flow.
14. *Have achieved a balance in their lives on their own.* Good guys have invested enough time in all aspects in their development – family, education, career, health, hobbies, interests and sports. They are happy with who they are and are satisfied with their lives.
15. *Will find time and place for you no matter how busy and crazy their schedule may be.* Good guys never use the excuse, “Sorry, but I was busy with work.” If they want to be with you, they will move mountains, sail oceans, cross continents, fly countries and do anything they can to be with their special woman.
16. *Don’t use past relationship disappointments as excuses* to why they don’t want to commit to a woman. What happened in the past, stays there. What’s important is the here and the now…and that is YOU!
17. *Are funny, goofy and spontaneous.* They can put a smile on your face and make you laugh without any effort. They can play goofy games with you without being immature. They can drop everything and take a road trip with you just because. The best memories are created in the spur of the moment and good guys are aware of that.
18. *See their woman as the most beautiful, glorious, magnificent and unique woman in the entire Universe!* Other beautiful women may catch a good guy’s eye but his heart and soul belong to her!
19. *Love animals*. They either own one or they just melt when they are around your puppy, your mother’s kitten or your friend’s bunny rabbit. Good guys who love animals show they are compassionate, loving, caring and considerate of other live beings in the world. That also means they will make awesome dads some day.
20. *Have no ego.* Good guys are humble guys. They don’t need to beat themselves in the chest to show they are better, stronger, smarter, more successful or more handsome than other men. The ego is the enemy of good guys and they usually have it under control.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Sonny said:


> "That list is the fucking stupidest thing I've ever seen."
> 
> ... I've seen plenty stupider.
> ... Starting with reality tv.
> ...


Well then I suppose for clarity: 

"That list is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen in this context."


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Duck_of_Death said:


> The "whats-his-face" doesn't work for me. It's Duck_of_Death.
> You may wish to add a "Mr." in front of it as well.
> 
> Can you post another list, please?
> I need to optimize my nice guy abilities so I can never get laid again.


Someone's bitter. What's the problem? Someone's mommy never hugged them when growing up? lol


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

Oh, I'm not bitter.
I just get a cheap thrill out of pissing on a collective hive of losers.

Nothing personal, guy.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I think dropping the door on someone is a dick move, regardless of gender.


I actually got cursed out one time for holding a door open for a woman, because evidently with the act I was saying that she wasn't capable of opening a door for herself. WTF? "Uh...I hold the door open for *anyone* who's behind me, *regardless* of gender." The impulse flashed through my mind that I should have just closed the door in her face.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Master Mind said:


> I actually got cursed out one time for holding a door open for a woman, because evidently with the act I was saying that she wasn't capable of opening a door for herself. WTF? "Uh...I hold the door open for *anyone* who's behind me, *regardless* of gender." The impulse flashed through my mind that I should have just closed the door in her face.


Women like that really piss me off! It also slightly irritates me when women don't hold the door open for me even when I'm like *right there*. It gives me the impression that they think they get a free pass to not care about the person behind them.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Sonny said:


> Too often I've heard women say they want a nice guy and complain there aren't any when they haven't actually defined what that means to them and things like confidence and ability to engage in a conversation do matter. Get more specific about what you are and are not attracted to, "sweet" means nothing, then notice it when it comes along.


"Nice guy"- You are devoted to me, see no one else, and I get to date whomever I want.

Is that so wrong? If it is, you are a bad egg.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Duck_of_Death said:


> Oh, I'm not bitter.
> I just get a cheap thrill out of pissing on a collective hive of losers.
> 
> Nothing personal, guy.


U mad? I think ur mad.


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

Well, you keep on thinking guy.
See how far it gets you.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

goesupinward said:


> Please don't give her any ideas. If, whenever, the nice guy finds out he was just a "piece" of meat, then he will go into more of a shell.


Nice guys aren't piece of meat, they are emotional filler.

Bad, clueless guys are temporary "pieces of meat".


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> Yes.
> 
> 1. *When you call him anytime of the day or night, does he talk to you even though you woke him up and protest when you try to get off the phone?*
> 
> This is not indicative of a nice guy. This is indicative of a pushover and someone who is overly clingy. That behaviour is not healthy. Neither party should be at the other's beck and call, and it is disrespectful to call someone when you know they are asleep. Protesting when someone tries to get off the phone is clingy and obnoxious, unless you're fifteen. Which I'm not. Nor is the OP.


So enjoying the company of a friend is being a push over?
obviously if she called every day at 3am some ground rules would need to be set but if it happened one time? why not?
unless you have a true need to sleep eg you have a test the next day
no harm done






> 2. *Is he always neatly dressed, clothes ironed and distinguished whenever he goes out?*
> 
> This is not indicative of a nice guy. This is indicative of someone who cares about his external appearance for whatever reason.


The way you dress is very indicative of your character





















they both look nice but which one would you say is "nicer"




> 3. *Does he abstain from drugs, guns, excessive liquor and other substances?
> 
> *Again, not indicative of a nice guy. These are lifestyle choices. Using drugs and liquor does not necessarily make one an asshole. I know plenty of men who are quite mellow when they drink. If a man has a gun in his home for protection, it is not indicative of his character.


Its safe to say the less drugs the better..
Seeing as how alcohol is a depressant thats probably true
but its also very well established drinkers can be aggressive




> 4. *Is his body free from excessive tattoos and piercings, gold grills and flashy jewellery?*
> 
> Indicates nothing. Excessive tattoos and piercings are not indicative of douchebags. It is a lifestyle choice. Gold grills and super flashy jewellry are typically worn by immature males, yes, but at the end of the day it is still a stereotype and is not indicative of one's character.


tattoos are meant to be indicitive of your character...

"ENTER HERE"
tattooed on your stomach or butt may suggest something about your character...
obviously an extreme example but people get tattoos to be expressive same with clothing




> 5. *Does he steer away from foul language, and swears sparingly if ever? Does he apologise when he uses curse words in front of you?*
> 
> Just because someone swears in front of me does not mean he is an asshole. Just because someone refrains from swearing in front of women does not mean he is a nice guy. This is not the 1950s.


Yeah in the 1950s swearing actually meant something
The reason cursing doesnt both you is because youve grown accustomed to swearing...
so it belittled the significance of the word

curse
verb /kərs/ 
cursed, past participle; cursed, past tense; curses, 3rd person singular present; cursing, present participle


Invoke or use a curse against
- it often seemed as if the family had been cursed


Be afflicted with
- many owners have been cursed with a series of bankruptcies


*Utter offensive words in anger or annoyance*
- drivers were cursing and sounding their horns




> 6. *Does he bring you flowers for no reason at all, gifts on occasion, and remembers your favourite drinks and dessert?*
> 
> This is a sweet thing to do, yes. But it can also be indicative of someone trying to get in your pants.



LOL yeah okay well then all the little surprises id give to the girls i liked hinted i wanted to get into their pants
I didnt know fruit snacks had that kind of power!
i would have never surprised her with her favorite had i known thats how she was going to perceive it!




> 7. *Does he open doors for you* *and pull your chair back? Does he stand up whenever you leave or enter the room?*
> 
> Not. Indicative. Of. Someone's. Character. Okay, maybe the opening doors part is. But a lot of men hold doors open for me at least, can't speak for other ladies. I don't think anything of it. I think dropping the door on someone is a dick move, regardless of gender.
> 
> Does he stand up whenever I leave or enter the room? What?! That sounds very tedious. Again, not indicative of character, but likely indicative of confusing the fuck out of people.


yeah it is... but for the lady a guy likes holding doors open is a friendly gesture
opening doors is friendly in general

You walk out to the car with your lady friend in tow. You go to one side, she goes to another. You hit the clicker, beep beep, you both get in, done.
Next time, try walking with her to her side hitting the clicker, and opening her door. Does she need her door opened? No. Is it in any way helpful? Nope. Is it the good thing to do for a girl who could probably get a way cooler dude than you? Yes.

how often do you leave the room?!?!!1!

heres a good way someone put it

When a lady enters the room, stand-up. It’s polite, it’s charming, and it’s a small point of etiquette that’s being lost.







> 8. *Does he help you carry anything heavy/bulky, does he assist with putting your coat on, does he offer to fix anything that breaks down in your place of abode?
> 
> *I'll give you the helping with carrying heavy stuff. Assisting with putting my coat on is creepy and invasive and doesn't exactly give off the "nice guy" vibe, at least not to me. And it could still mean he's trying to fuck you. NOT offering to fix anything that breaks does not automatically make him an asshole. It might mean he doesn't know how to fix it. Or doesn't know it's broken.



Well yeah if youre breathing down their neck doing it but "can i help you with that?" is a friendly gesture

Also can you please stop assuming that every guy is trying to get into your pants?


seriously? The question is if they know how to fix it...
Why would someone offer to fix something they have no clue how to fix?
If a girl i like asks me to look at her car i would say "i am sorry i dont know anything about cars"
BUT if she came to me about her computer id say "well lets have a look shall we?"




Super great mechanic guy (SGMG)

girlfriend: i think there is something wrong with my car its making a really loud grinding sound can you look at it?
SGMG: No take it to a mechanic




> 9. *Does he walk with you on the inside (with him closer to the street) when you are taking a walk through the neighbourhood?*
> 
> I've heard this before and simply do not understand the notion so I'm going to leave it alone because I don't feel I can respond properly.


its if a car drives down the street and splashes a puddle the guy will shield the girl from getting wet


> *
> 10. Did he tell you that he loved you first? Is he vocal about his emotions and feelings?*
> 
> Some people are not good at expressing emotions and feelings, and a lack of expression does not make someone an asshole. However, I do agree that a man who has at least somewhat of an ability to express his emotions probably means he has a sensitive side and is therefore less likely to be one of those jerky, controlling types.


While whoever says i love you first is not a competition but a guy does have to express his feelings somehow

there are other ways to display love it does have to be "i love you"



> 11. *Does he consider what you would like to do, and value your input in any discourse?*
> 
> This is common sense.




okay? and?

Girl: Lets go ice skating!!
Jerk: yeah... no... that is boring
Jerk: we're going to do this instead...



12. *Does he put very little if any pressure on you to have sex with him?*
I'll give you this one. 



*13. Does he consider your comfort when with him, adjusting the temperature of the car/home to suit your needs, offering his jacket when it’s cold etc etc?*

To a certain extent, I will give you this one as well. It is about compromise, not being constantly uncomfortable in your home or car just so someone else is unhappy.[/QUOTE]

that is true if a woman wants the house 90 degrees during the summer but the guy wants it 60 there needs to be some compromise






MNiS said:


> U mad? I think ur mad.












lol


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

Pete The Lich said:


> The way you dress is very indicative of your character
> 
> 
> 
> ...


George Clooney is a sociopath.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

Duck_of_Death said:


> George Clooney is a sociopath.


how do you know the guy on the bottom doesnt kill prostitutes after he rapes them?


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## Rhogh (Mar 11, 2012)

You can find a bunch of nice guys right here :tongue:


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

Rhogh said:


> You can find a bunch of nice guys right here :tongue:


Very true
i met an INFJ guy on campus
Hes pretty chill we have some really amazing conversations


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## Kabosu (Mar 31, 2012)

lol at the direction of this thread. It has some people trying to kind of inoffensively troll it a bit and some big questionnaire, which has been at least half of the replies.


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## pageofadiary (Jan 3, 2011)

Pete The Lich said:


>


Fur coat and a matching fur hat...seriously?
What an extreme comparison... haha! 

I've met many a**holes in suits and I've met many nice guys in suits. 


The same goes for guys covered in tattoos, preppy clothes or ripped up jeans and a t-shirt. They can either be a nice guy or an a**hole. 

Clothes is rarely a good judgement of how nice and sweet a guy is. 

I mean take that guy Scott who is with one of the Kardashians (forgive me for this example) he dresses like he is getting ready for a GQ photo shoot daily but I remember watching him aggressively stuff a $100 bill down a waiter's throat (horrific).


I think in all honesty it depends on the person and their unique experience. Everyone is complex and interesting just a matter of who you're compatible with. :crazy:

Not all men that love attention, likes to be stylish and who is usually the loudest one in the room are a**holes and not all men that are shy, sit in coffee shops reading books and willing to listen are "nice guys". 

There are many wolves in sheep's clothing, if you ask me. 

It could easily be emotional manipulation by Prince Charmin sweetie pie nice guy pants.

(Warning: Marvel comic reference) The sweet scientist often turns into the Hulk on occasion. He looks nice and soft spoken but he could easily have secrets of extreme abusive anger and destruction. Usually the one that cares the most gets hurt by that because projection is usually the name of the game (haha! Wow, that was an extreme example )

*Finding him on the forum:* Not sure how that would work. Unless there was a dating section where all types would feel comfortable sharing their relationship status and pictures. I know a few have found love here but I'm sure it was no easy task. A dating site based on MBTI (that people actually used) would be a great idea, IMO.

_Before I continue to type a book while I'm half asleep, I 'll just get to the point._

*My point is this: Your sweet guy can be found anywhere. Just don't judge a book by its cover*

_By the way...That statement on "whores", "sluts" and "hos" ...I didn't know those words was still being used in this day and age to refer to women that have sex out of wedlock. It seems a bit dated and sexist for the times we are in. Everyones entitled to their beliefs and opinions of course, just found it weirdly interesting._


Anyways....in other news...










^^^I love this^^^ haha!

Word of the post today was... EXTREME!!!!!!


*poof* I'm a :ninja:


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## ENTPfemme (Mar 16, 2012)

> Not all men that love attention, likes to be stylish and who is usually the loudest one in the room are a**holes and not all men that are shy, sit in coffee shops reading books and willing to listen are "nice guys".
> 
> There are many wolves in sheep's clothing, if you ask me.
> 
> It could easily be emotional manipulation by Prince Charmin sweetie pie nice guy pants.


You know what, this is a hilarious comparison because it reminds me of an encounter with an old fart in a coffee shop I had yesterday morning. I was having a banner day, and then I saw this poor old soul sitting in a coffee shop all alone. Now I always seem to gravitate to the most lowly, saddest, person in a room. So he seemed to fit the bill. I approached him with some kind words and even some therapeutic reading material to help him get over the loss of his dear sweet loyal wife. He misses her so damn much, it was all over his sad wrinkled face. The man is old. I mean, he doesn't have much time left. But no one is a lost cause. No one should ever leave a man down. That's why I still tried to help him. I could have helped others that day in the cafe, but they didn't seem to need the encouragement as much.

Well, you know what? This guy proved to be a total bastard. I MEAN A COMPLETELY TOTAL AND UTTER BASTARD. HE BASICALLY REFUSED MY HELP, GAVE ME THE LAMEST ARGUMENT WHICH DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT HE PROBABLY HAS ALZEIHMERS AND I AM PROBABLY BEING A BIT INCONSIDERATE, BUT I ENDED UP TAKING BACK MY OFFERING AND TELLING HIM, IT WOULD BE WASTED ON HIM, SINCE HE DIDN'T APPRECIATE THE GIFT. I VOLUNTEER, BUT I HAVE NO PATIENCE WITH PEOPLE, I KNOW THAT IS RETARDED. ANYWAY, I ALSO SAID, HE STILL HAD TIME, TO THINK IT OVER, AND GAVE HIM A WAY TO CONTACT ME, IN CASE, HE CHANGED HIS MIND, AS THINGS WILL GET WORSE FOR HIM AND FOGGIER, AS HIS MEMORY FADES AND FADES, AND FINALLY IS GONE.

*XOXO= TO ANYONE THAT VOLUNTEERS AND FINDS IT VERY HARD TO BE PATIENT WITH STUPID PEOPLE, BUT STILL WANTS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. CHEERS*:kitteh:


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## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

If i go for the jerk than he better be one of the corporate asshole types who use foreign sweat shops to make their products, child labor, and other underhanded business tactics are a plus. I admit that I'm into rich jerks that are very likely 20 years older than me, but the nice guys who are around my age always sucker me in the most for some reason.


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## pageofadiary (Jan 3, 2011)

check_mate said:


> You know what, this is a hilarious comparison because it reminds me of an encounter with an old fart in a coffee shop I had yesterday morning. I was having a banner day, and then I saw this poor old soul sitting in a coffee shop all alone. Now I always seem to gravitate to the most lowly, saddest, person in a room. So he seemed to fit the bill. I approached him with some kind words and even some therapeutic reading material to help him get over the loss of his dear sweet loyal wife. He misses her so damn much, it was all over his sad wrinkled face. The man is old. I mean, he doesn't have much time left. But no one is a lost cause. No one should ever leave a man down. That's why I still tried to help him. I could have helped others that day in the cafe, but they didn't seem to need the encouragement as much.
> 
> Well, you know what? This guy proved to be a total bastard. I MEAN A COMPLETELY TOTAL AND UTTER BASTARD. HE BASICALLY REFUSED MY HELP, GAVE ME THE LAMEST ARGUMENT WHICH DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT HE PROBABLY HAS ALZEIHMERS AND I AM PROBABLY BEING A BIT INCONSIDERATE, BUT I ENDED UP TAKING BACK MY OFFERING AND TELLING HIM, IT WOULD BE WASTED ON HIM, SINCE HE DIDN'T APPRECIATE THE GIFT. I VOLUNTEER, BUT I HAVE NO PATIENCE WITH PEOPLE, I KNOW THAT IS RETARDED. ANYWAY, I ALSO SAID, HE STILL HAD TIME, TO THINK IT OVER, AND GAVE HIM A WAY TO CONTACT ME, IN CASE, HE CHANGED HIS MIND, AS THINGS WILL GET WORSE FOR HIM AND FOGGIER, AS HIS MEMORY FADES AND FADES, AND FINALLY IS GONE.
> 
> *XOXO= TO ANYONE THAT VOLUNTEERS AND FINDS IT VERY HARD TO BE PATIENT WITH STUPID PEOPLE, BUT STILL WANTS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. CHEERS*:kitteh:



Haha! Trust me I've been there. How about the old sweet innocent guys in the corner reading a book that suddenly turns into X-ray vision man because you can tell he is trying his darndest to undress you with his eyes. Then has the nerve to ask you out and offer his number, and then tell you something rude and disgusting soon after. 

Sweet quiet old men say the darndest things, trust me. Especially when they think no one is looking. *shudders* 

I've even had the sweet, charming, nice, wholesome looking guy whisper the rudest things I've ever heard in my lifetime but that was okay because we were in a commited relationship. haha! The "quiet ones" are usually the freaks.roud:


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## ENTPfemme (Mar 16, 2012)

pageofadiary said:


> Haha! Trust me I've been there. How about the old sweet innocent guys in the corner reading a book that suddenly turns into X-ray vision man because you can tell he is trying his darndest to undress you with his eyes. Then has the nerve to ask you out and offer his number, and then tell me something rude and disgusting soon after. Sweet quiet old men say the darndest things, trust me. Especially when they think no one is looking. *shudders*
> 
> I've even had the sweet, charming, nice, wholesome looking guy whisper the rudest things I've ever heard in my lifetime but that was okay because we were in a commited relationship. haha! The "quiet ones" are usually the freaks.roud:



WATCH OUT FOR THE QUIET NICE GUY. OH I SOOOOOOOO GET THAT DAMMIT!!!!!!! still i like the mystery hahahhahahahahaha


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Honestly, you need to find an ENFP male. They are nice guys with an edge. They won't let you walk all over them and they will treat you amazingly well.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Wow, I did not expect my nice guy information to turn out like this.

Completely unintentionally on my part, but


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## pageofadiary (Jan 3, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Honestly, you need to find an ENFP male. They are nice guys with an edge. They won't let you walk all over them and they will treat you amazingly well.


Sure! If you tell me where to look especially in this city. When it comes to dating I'm beginning to realize the Midwest is not for me. :dry:

Lol:laughing:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

pageofadiary said:


> Sure! If you tell me where to look especially in this city. When it comes to dating I'm beginning to realize the Midwest is not for me. :dry:
> 
> Lol:laughing:


It probably isn't. You should try Eugene, Oregon. Do you have a cultural/art section of town? Many are artists and actors. Do a show. Any straight male in musical theater is probably an ENFP. 

Anyway, they are pretty creative and usually progressive. But they do have strong standards about who they will date. Don't be close-minded or mean to others. It helps.


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## DarkyNWO (Mar 21, 2011)

@dagnytaggart 

Haha, good to know that I'm a model to go after high testosterone guys.


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## pageofadiary (Jan 3, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> It probably isn't. You should try Eugene, Oregon. Do you have a cultural/art section of town? Many are artists and actors. Do a show. Any straight male in musical theater is probably an ENFP.
> 
> Anyway, they are pretty creative and usually progressive. But they do have strong standards about who they will date. Don't be close-minded or mean to others. It helps.


Good to know! I'm too sweet and open-minded for my own good. Constantly standing up for others that don't have a voice. It gets me in way too much trouble haha! 
I had to speak up for a disabled woman in a wheelchair the other day because a selfish rude woman refused to move so the disabled lady could park her wheelchair on the bus! So many inconsiderate people in this world. It's disturbing and sad :sad:

Ya my social circle and all of my friends out here are artists (being that I'm an artist as well) and every man I've dated was an artist (mostly performance artists). Most of them were all Extroverted-Thinking types, though.

My best friend (INFP) told me due to the fact that I have a bright, bubbly, accepting nature when you first meet me, I will continue to attract types that are far from ENFP and INFP because they probably don't think the waters run that deep. I don't show my emotions that easily so I usually come off as a caring thinker. Which is why men that usually end up having crushes on me are usually in a class with me or in a situation where I have to speak up about what I am passionate about and how I plan to give back to those in need. Outside of that, I'm too busy trying to entertain by lifting people's spirits and enjoying the moment for NFs to notice me 

:dry:

Don't get me wrong, single life has been good to me over the years, can't complain 
Whatever happens, happens I guess. If I'm meant to meet someone, I will.

:ninja:

:crazy:


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## Siren (Jun 25, 2011)

I think what everyone is missing is that when most girls say they can't find a nice guy, what they mean is that they can't find a guy who is as smoking hot and exciting as a bad boy is, but that will treat them exactly the way they fantasize about in their heads.

Truth:

Girls want a bad boy who will be good for them and them alone
Boys want a good girl who will be bad for them and them alone


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

^We have a winner.

There are tons of great guys out there that are single. And they aren't clandestine--women simply don't notice them or brush them to the side to fuel their "alpha male" conquest. It's not just "hot" women either. In fact, it's usually the other way around.

So to all of the "nice guys" out there who wish to sell "kindness" as a bargaining chip--you can drop it. Nobody gives a shit, especially women. Work on the superficial aspects. Looks, money and social connections. "Confidence" is merely a codeword for these elements.

You didn't actually think that women gave a damn about that "inner quality" bullshit, did you?


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

Duck_of_Death said:


> So to all of the "nice guys" out there who wish to sell "kindness" as a bargaining chip--you can drop it. Nobody gives a shit, especially women. Work on the superficial aspects. Looks, money and social connections. "Confidence" is merely a codeword for these elements.
> 
> You didn't actually think that women gave a damn about that "inner quality" bullshit, did you?


women are not a group of clones who all like, want, or are attracted to the same qualities. i mean, PerC exists to point out that people are not all the same. if you want to know what a specific woman wants, learn to recognize MBTI types in people, figure out hers, and then research it. other factors also influence what she wants - enneagram type, how secure she is, how experienced she is, and the sort of relationship she is seeking (casual or serious). considering the wide variety of combinations of these factors, you will get a whole lot of different answers about what a girl wants, if you ask a whole lot of different girls who answer you honestly. 

i'm a woman and am turned off by guys who are not kind, or whose kindness is a pretense, and am not drawn to "bad boys." i like genuinely nice guys. confidence = courage. superficial guys whose only distinguishing quality is their looks, money, or social connections aren't attractive to me.

so, you found a woman who agrees with you in this thread (Siren), and a woman who does not - case in point: women are not all the same.


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Duck_of_Death said:


> ^We have a winner.
> 
> There are tons of great guys out there that are single. And they aren't clandestine--women simply don't notice them or brush them to the side to fuel their "alpha male" conquest. It's not just "hot" women either. In fact, it's usually the other way around.
> 
> ...


I always have the distinct impression that there's something of an obsession, or complex a fair few men have about 'alpha males'. It's generally expressed in a manner faintly skewed - along with perfectly normal aspects of life being described in strange terms - likening relationships to a business deal, or purchase, and generalising groups and certain interactions, creating (pretty cynical) equations of behaviour. Seems like a skewed/undeveloped/out of touch/unhealthy Ti-dominant approach.


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## Kabosu (Mar 31, 2012)

No one had to agree or disagree with him. I say what works best for the individual is the best way to go.

There are wise women who pick up on nice guys and realize that some of them do not have to play games, nor do they have to be total pushovers (yeah, there's a difference between nice and pushover).


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

emerald sea said:


> women are not a group of clones who all like, want, or are attracted to the same qualities. i mean, PerC exists to point out that people are not all the same. if you want to know what a specific woman wants, learn to recognize MBTI types in people, figure out hers, and then research it. other factors also influence what she wants - enneagram type, how secure she is, how experienced she is, and the sort of relationship she is seeking (casual or serious). considering the wide variety of combinations of these factors, you will get a whole lot of different answers about what a girl wants, if you ask a whole lot of different girls who answer you honestly.
> 
> i'm a woman and am turned off by guys who are not kind, or whose kindness is a pretense, and am not drawn to "bad boys." i like genuinely nice guys. confidence = courage. superficial guys whose only distinguishing quality is their looks, money, or social connections aren't attractive to me.
> 
> so, you found a woman who agrees with you in this thread (Siren), and a woman who does not - case in point: women are not all the same.


What a great story.
Either way, don't put words in my mouth. I don't appreciate it.

And Siren is older than you.
By all reckoning, she has a better grasp of reality than you.



Liminality said:


> I always have the distinct impression that there's something of an obsession, or complex a fair few men have about 'alpha males'. It's generally expressed in a manner faintly skewed - along with perfectly normal aspects of life being described in strange terms - likening relationships to a business deal, or purchase, and generalising groups and certain interactions, creating (pretty cynical) equations of behaviour. Seems like a skewed/undeveloped/out of touch/unhealthy Ti-dominant approach.


Every woman I've met that whines about not being able to find a "good guy" is an emotional wreck who instinctively gravitates towards men that will treat her poorly. And you know what? She deserves it.

Oh, and the "alpha male" term was used with a pinch of sarcasm.

Are you people done? Must've gotten pretty close to the point to have elicited such a response.
Oh, how revealing that is.


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## pageofadiary (Jan 3, 2011)

I for one don't think "nice guys" finish last. I've seen quite a lot finish first and then some. I wouldn't know how much better off "bad guys" are because I don't spend time with them or know them personally but I figured this video relates to the discussion so why not post it!

Enjoy or not :wink:


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Duck_of_Death said:


> Every woman I've met that whines about not being able to find a "good guy" is an emotional wreck who instinctively gravitates towards men that will treat her poorly. And you know what? She deserves it.
> 
> Oh, and the "alpha male" term was used with a pinch of sarcasm.
> 
> ...


You've met one right here who doesn't whine about being able to find a good guy. I could introduce you to others. I could introduce you to a friend who's always found the idea of a bad boy disturbing and negative, haha, she's currently dating an ISFP/INFJ who is his own special imperfect brand of a really great guy - which I think is far more realistically represantative of man and woman kind - a whole bunch of individuals, rather than divided up into groups of jerks, nice guys, push overs etc.

"And you know what? She deserves it." This is a pretty skewed mentality.

"Oh, and the "alpha male" term was used with a pinch of sarcasm." Ah, haha, fair enough.


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## Siren (Jun 25, 2011)

emerald sea said:


> . i'm a woman and am turned off by guys who are not kind, or whose kindness is a pretense, and am not drawn to "bad boys." i like genuinely nice guys. confidence = courage. superficial guys whose only distinguishing quality is their looks, money, or social connections aren't attractive to me


Can you taking a shot at answering the OP, then? Where do you find them?


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

Siren said:


> Can you taking a shot at answering the OP, then? Where do you find them?


thanks for steering me back to the topic of the thread.  

where can she look?

- at the place she volunteers to help people in need (volunteer at a hospital or in some medical setting, and look at how the guys treat the patients, that will tell you a lot about who they are, if they are compassionate and gentle or not; and look at how they interact with the women who work there)
- at a charity event (like building a Habitat for Humanity house)
- the guy friends of her close friend's boyfriend - sometimes
- at church, sometimes (it depends, be careful)
- the shy guys she has known in her life, or who are on her friends list, who are nice to her in a brotherly way

but, really, you can meet them anywhere. just get out there and meet people - go places you don't usually go - go to events that interest you, try out activities you've never tried before, go with out with a friend and a group of her friends that you've never met...

*you meet nice guys by meeting a lot of people in general. there are usually good ones mixed in there if you look around...nice guys don't just go certain places; they are people with lives that have to go the same places you do.* i mean, if you're friendly and not afraid to strike up conversations with strangers, or reply when they talk to you, you don't have to do anything special to meet people, because you might even run across them when you're at a store somewhere, or waiting in a waiting room somewhere, or anything ordinary like that. don't limit your options by just looking in certain places; be friendly in general and some of the guys you meet will be nice. 

example: i just met a really nice guy this week when i was doing my laundry. he was trying to be helpful and then we started to talk. lol seriously, it can happen anywhere. don't limit yourself.


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## Nixu (Jun 2, 2010)

Duck_of_Death said:


> So to all of the "nice guys" out there who wish to sell "kindness" as a bargaining chip--you can drop it. Nobody gives a shit, especially women. Work on the superficial aspects. Looks, money and social connections. "Confidence" is merely a codeword for these elements.


Despite being mostly a troll, @_Duck_of_Death_ does have a point there. Kind of. What it all is about, is what women want. When you strip all the things like money, good looks, social connections, chivalry, sweet words, flowers, etc. out, what is left is basically _power,_ _protection_, _health_ and _attention_. And yeah, nice guys can have all of those, too. Anyone can.
It depends on what the woman subconsciously, genetically, through upbringing or whatever, values the most.



Duck_of_Death said:


> You didn't actually think that women gave a damn about that "inner quality" bullshit, did you?


Newsflash: apparently some do. If you don't believe in it, it's ok, but I trust women more than you in this issue.

As for trolling, I think it's quite sad that some people get their "cheap thrill" out of trolling, attempting to piss off other people, and making others generally feel more or less negative feelings. I want to say there must be some psychological problem behind that, but since I don't have a degree in psychology yet, I won't say more.
Or perhaps, since I don't know Duck_of_Death or how he normally behaves in other threads, he is trying to come off as a strong, "bad guy" alpha male?
But these are just my personal opinions and theories. I think Duck_of_Death does have a point, and his "hook a nice guy and fool around with douchebags" post made people think. Of course, it was perhaps a very bad way to do it and suggest to act in a way the majority doens't condone, but all his posts just express his opinions. Nothing more. By replying to him you've only given him much more attention than his trolling most likely deserves (and yes, I'm doing it right now too).

But to get back on topic (shocking, I know), the "nice guys" are everywhere. The best bet is to look in the places you frequent, since it's not a good idea to just randomly break into people's homes to see if the guy living there is a nice guy, and meeting someone randomly one time rarely leads to much. If you don't see any nice guys in the places you now go to or in your current hobbies, starts something new!

EDIT:


emerald sea said:


> i'm a woman and am turned off by guys who are not kind, or whose kindness is a pretense, and am not drawn to "bad boys." i like genuinely nice guys. confidence = courage. superficial guys whose only distinguishing quality is their looks, money, or social connections aren't attractive to me.


Exactly, anyone can have confidence. What matters is how that confidence (or other things) manifest in your case. Not everyone is confident in the same way.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Pete The Lich said:


> So enjoying the company of a friend is being a push over?
> obviously if she called every day at 3am some ground rules would need to be set but if it happened one time? why not?
> unless you have a true need to sleep eg you have a test the next day
> no harm done


I don't understand how talking on the phone equates to enjoying someone's company. And no, obviously just harmlessly talking on the phone is not being a push over. But reading point number one makes me think of a woman saying: 

"I'm bored and lonely. I'm gonna call up my boyfriend. Oh wait he might be asleep. I DON'T CARE! He can deal with it because I'm sad." 

It's RUDE to call someone when they are sleeping. Regardless of gender. 



Pete The Lich said:


> The way you dress is very indicative of your character


I would obviously think the one on top is "nicer" but I would not think "Oh, he's wearing a suit, he must be a nice guy and will treat me right." 

I don't think there is anything wrong with just a t-shirt and jeans. 




Pete The Lich said:


> Its safe to say the less drugs the better..
> Seeing as how alcohol is a depressant thats probably true
> but its also very well established drinkers can be aggressive


Those are valid points but those simply cannot be used to distinguish "nice guy" from "douchebag." They are lifestyle choices and they affect everyone differently. If someone is addicted to drugs or alcohol, there is no point in trying to have a fulfilling relationship with him. "Nice guy" and "douchebag" labels go out the window when it comes to substance abuse. 



Pete The Lich said:


> tattoos are meant to be indicitive of your character...
> 
> "ENTER HERE"
> tattooed on your stomach or butt may suggest something about your character...
> obviously an extreme example but people get tattoos to be expressive same with clothing


How is being tattooed on your stomach indicative of your character? 

I wasn't saying tattoos weren't expressive. I was saying excessive tattoos does not automatically make someone a douchebag. I know a man with somewhere around twenty-nine tattoos. He is a father of five and a great one at that. 



Pete The Lich said:


> Yeah in the 1950s swearing actually meant something
> The reason cursing doesnt both you is because youve grown accustomed to swearing...
> so it belittled the significance of the word
> 
> ...


This is a personal preference thing. The dictionary definition of "curse" means nothing to the majority of people nowadays. Cursing does not equate to douchebag. Now, if a woman you're trying to date blatantly tells you it offends her and you do it anyway and don't try to curb your behaviour, that's disrespectful to her. But I am pretty sure you will find most people born from around 1980 until now do not care about cursing. I don't have statistics or anything like that but the only person I know who is truly offended by it is my mother. 



Pete The Lich said:


> LOL yeah okay well then all the little surprises id give to the girls i liked hinted i wanted to get into their pants
> I didnt know fruit snacks had that kind of power!
> i would have never surprised her with her favorite had i known thats how she was going to perceive it!


You missed my point entirely on this one. My point is just because a guy gives you flowers and chocolate does not mean he is nice. It could mean he wants something else. You cannot use that alone to decide if he is a good guy or not. 



Pete The Lich said:


> yeah it is... but for the lady a guy likes holding doors open is a friendly gesture
> opening doors is friendly in general
> 
> You walk out to the car with your lady friend in tow. You go to one side, she goes to another. You hit the clicker, beep beep, you both get in, done.
> ...


The car door scenario thing is a hit or miss with women, and I know not all women would like that. It's also a matter of knowing the woman's personality. For me personally, I would just see it as a waste of time if it happened often. But there are some other women I know who would LOVE it. 

But why is it polite to stand up when a lady enters the room? I would find that awkward, not charming, if men did that for me. I actually may even find it threatening. I know that's just a personal preference.

If a man is willing to go out of his way to do these things, he probably is nice. I'll give you that. But not every woman wants THAT much special treatment. 




Pete The Lich said:


> Well yeah if youre breathing down their neck doing it but "can i help you with that?" is a friendly gesture
> 
> Also can you please stop assuming that every guy is trying to get into your pants?
> 
> ...


I don't assume every guy is trying to get into my pants. But it's something I think women should watch out for, and actually use logic, reason, and intuition instead of lists to determine if they have a good guy or a douchebag. 

The list did not say who offered to fix it. And some men might offer to fix it to hopefully impress the woman. 




Pete The Lich said:


> its if a car drives down the street and splashes a puddle the guy will shield the girl from getting wet


I've walked down the street numerous times by myself and have yet to encounter being splashed by a puddle because there was not a man to shield me. 



Pete The Lich said:


> While whoever says i love you first is not a competition but a guy does have to express his feelings somehow
> 
> there are other ways to display love it does have to be "i love you"


For a relationship to work, both parties have to express their feelings in a healthy manner. A lack of emotional expression does not make someone a douchebag though. 





Pete The Lich said:


> okay? and?
> 
> Girl: Lets go ice skating!!
> Jerk: yeah... no... that is boring
> Jerk: we're going to do this instead...



So is this okay?: 

Girl: Let's go ice skating!
Boy: I don't enjoy ice skating.
Girl: But I want to go ice skating.
Boy: Okay fine baby. 

What it SHOULD be is this:
Girl: Is it cool if we go ice skating today?
Boy: I don't really enjoy ice skating. How about going to a bookstore?
Girl: Okay, sounds good to me. 

The point is to find an activity BOTH parties enjoy, not making the man miserable simply because he is "nice."


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## Nixu (Jun 2, 2010)

Duck_of_Death said:


> Every woman I've met that whines about not being able to find a "good guy" is an emotional wreck who instinctively gravitates towards men that will treat her poorly. And you know what? She deserves it.


So people with emotional problems deserve to be treated poorly?


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I think men and women should just shut the fuck up and quit whining, pretty much. 

If like nine or ten people outright reject you or cheat on you, maybe YOU should examine yourself and your choices.


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

obviously some people have never met a married nice guy before. you've got to do something right to get to that point. and married nice guys exist in large volumes.


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## Catenaccio (May 2, 2011)

How do you mean sweet? You mean a Saintly guy? Or a guy with some backbone, confidence and competitiveness, but who will treat you with great respect, love and support, always listening and caring.

If the first one - I don't know where you can find a Saint. If you mean the second kind, here I am!


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## Nixu (Jun 2, 2010)

Duck_of_Death said:


> Obviously, nice guys can't.
> Otherwise they'd get laid.





Duck_of_Death said:


> "Nice Guys" are limp-wristed, dickless pussies and there are multiple reasons women stay away from them.





emerald sea said:


> obviously some people have never met a married nice guy before. you've got to do something right to get to that point. and married nice guys exist in large volumes.


Sir, I think both of your arguments just got challenged.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Duck_of_Death said:


> Obviously, nice guys can't.
> Otherwise they'd get laid.


I know nice guys who have sex on a regular basis. They've got steady girlfriends. My father is the nicest man I have ever met and pulls $200K annually, has been with my mother (his wife) for 20 years. They have never cheated or betrayed each other. My existence proves you wrong.



Duck_of_Death said:


> Newflash: Women lie to obfuscate and save face.
> Men do, too.


Obviously, everyone does.



Duck_of_Death said:


> "Nice Guys" are limp-wristed, dickless pussies and there are multiple reasons women stay away from them.


My friends, ignore the vitriolic man screaming over the internet and making judgements about others they have never met simply over how they prefer to treat women. Bad Boys get girlfriends. A Nice Guy has a wife.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

marked174 said:


> It seems to depend on what those emotional problems are. Sweet guys are practically everywhere, but many of them have emotional problems and are usually treated poorly or ignored.


Agreed. There are two downsides to datingn a sweet guy. #1: They are moderately more likely to end up going yandere. #2: Getting used to ignoring that tug of animal attraction.


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## Stelmaria (Sep 30, 2011)

So back on topic, what is the best way for nice girls to meet nice guys?


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## Siren (Jun 25, 2011)

Snow Leopard said:


> So back on topic, what is the best way for nice girls to meet nice guys?


Be a nice girl with high standards and low tolerance of being treated like shit.

Or be a nice guy with high standards, etc


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

The first 'nice guy' I met who fits most of the standards listed, if that's relevant to your interests, is one of my flatmates. He's here and single, so if you fancy travelling to Wales (UK), or live close by, hang about on the coast, or maybe go to Germany, as he might travel back for the Summer.

Meeting 'sweet' guys has really been a matter of chance in my experience. Though as I said earlier, Charity shops could be a good idea, there's a fairly high proportion of caring, giving souls working in charity shops - equally I've met a few asshats.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

Chipps said:


> Lol, "sweet" guys are literally everywhere. They are the ones that most women step on as the rush past them to get their hands on the limited numbers of "hot" guys.


I can confirm, having been on both sides of the equation


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Method: You know that guy you talk with and hang around and have a great time with but he never has shown any interest in you and most likely is too shy to go to any social event? Chances are that he is that sweet guy and he likes you. I would wager at least 70% (and that is conservative).


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> 11. *Does he consider what you would like to do, and value your input in any discourse?*
> 
> This is common sense.
> 
> ...


yep all the rest were total BS, I tried to be that way once and it failed miserably, it was funny afterwards though that I was acting opposite of what I thought I should be doing

but no more


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

I shall bath in sugar for you!


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

Erbse said:


> I shall bath in sugar for you!


haha glazed person $1


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## Kabosu (Mar 31, 2012)

I was about to make a post in here taking the thread title literally, and then I see I was already beat to it.

This is also why I intentionally avoid relationships. I'm never quick enough. :tongue:


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

The Proof said:


> yep all the rest were total BS, I tried to be that way once and it failed miserably, it was funny afterwards though that I was acting opposite of what I thought I should be doing
> 
> but no more


Yeah, it's always important to be yourself. If you're too much of a pushover, people are going to walk all over you. In relationships and in other aspects of life.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

One of my friends asked this question when we were all together drinking. The guys decided we'd put our minds to it to answer her question. Now bear in mind we were a bit drunk, but we did come up with some solutions to this eternal problem.

1. Meet, talk, encourage and don't be afraid to make the first move if he's shy. 

2. Just lick them. If they're sweet, lick them again.

3. Don't play mind games. You reap what you sow.

Personally, in a sober light I think it's just a matter of knowing what you want, and then actively pursuing it. If you really want to meet a sweet guy, meet more people and be discerning about who you take on board. That gives you a quality assurance standard. That lays the foundation to finding what you want successfully regardless of your criteria. As one of my friends has always said: "you want a successful relationship? Do some due diligence before you say 'yes'".


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I only dated nice men in my twenties. They were some of the most beautiful men I have ever met. I felt bad that I didn't have the same story as all the scorned women around me. My sisters who were 7 and 12 years older than me used to ask for my dating advice because of this. They kept choosing terrible men. What was so obvious to me, was not obvious to them. It would baffle me at times. I just wasn't attracted to "bad" men or assholes. 

Here's how I approached finding a partner in my 20's. In any new social circle I was in, I would stand back and watch the group dynamic. I could see when certain men were hitting on every girl in our group. I hated when they tried to use their pick up lines on me. In fact, I remember telling people "I don't trust any guy who flirts with me. When they use a line on me and are too good, I can tell they use it on others." 

So after quickly filtering out the "bad guys", I could see some guy who perhaps regularly sat in the corner with a happy, good spirit. I never saw him flirt with the girls around him or with me. He didn't have a reputation. He was nice to me in our exchanges. Didn't compliment my boobs or say things like, "you're hot!". 

We might even go to a movie after I "hint" at it, but they are usually still clueless that I like them and that I wanted it to be a date. They thought we were going as friends. Lol. Usually I had to knock them over the head with it afterwards. By that time they'd usually be shocked but I still got a first kiss, then a long-term relationship followed.

Seriously, beautiful men I met this way. I was overly cautious in my 20s and rarely trusted any men. The men I was with never cheated on me and I never felt like a piece of meat. They were very understanding and didn't play mind games. But I was also an actress and I would leave the state for my career and would have to end things. But I had beautiful experiences with these men I am talking about. And three of them asked for my hand in marriage. I only dated committed types and men that might make a good father.


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> I could see when certain men were hitting on every girl in our group. I hated when they tried to use their pick up lines on me. In fact, I remember telling people "I don't trust any guy who flirts with me. When they use a line on me and are too good, I can tell they use it on others."
> 
> So after quickly filtering out the "bad guys", I could see some guy who perhaps regularly sat in the corner with a happy, good spirit. I never saw him flirt with the girls around him or with me. He didn't have a reputation. He was nice to me in our exchanges. Didn't compliment my boobs or say things like, "you're hot!".


exactly, exactly, exactly!! very perceptive and insightful post. this is how i can tell, too. the guys that feel seductive and overpower you with their charm immediately, who seem to find it "too" easy to talk to you and seem a little "too" good at flirting, like it isn't difficult for them..._be careful_...no matter how they make you feel. they could be nice guys who are just friendly/confident, since there are some guys who flirt with everyone but really aren't players, that's just their way of interacting with women in a friendly way, and they don't mean anything serious by it. but players can be nice to you and pretend to have feelings for you, so you've got to find the ones who are nice and have _sincere_ feelings.

it's been my experience that the more sincere a guy's feelings are for you, the less easy it is for them to approach you. the fact is that the more a guy's emotions are invested in you, the more he has to lose if you don't respond to him in the way he desires, and it's common for people in general to feel a bit nervous when there are high stakes involved. even the nice guys that flirt with everyone will get a bit nervous if they have feelings for you. so ~ look for signs of nervousness...combined with being nice to you.

the key really is discernment. a woman has to develop the ability to accurately "read" the character of the guys she meets, or she will be vulnerable. until then, she can protect herself by getting a guy in her family/life who loves her platonically and is protective of her to give her an honest opinion of a guy before she dates him. guys can read other guys remarkably well. 

i'm convinced that one of the primary reasons that players/bad boys ever "get" good girls is that con artistry works. pick-up artistry mimics con-artistry because it uses conniving tactics to sell someone a lie ("you are special to me") in order to cheat the person out of what it wants out of them but they would never give otherwise (sex), and then leave them left to pick up the pieces of their broken life afterwards. sure, it works with those who fall for it, but so does sociopathy (which is overpoweringly charming and persuasive to people and causes them to do what they otherwise would not do, as well).


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## Pryn (Jan 18, 2012)

I had the same kind of guy chasing me as well. He was also an actor/ singer and he was very aggressive. He would make me uncomfortable when he would flirt with me as well and he wouldn't respect my personal space. He was good-looking and extremely talented and had an amazing(sexy) voice ,but he wasn't an amazing person. He would flirt with me during class, then after I would see him in some other girl's face. He always needed to be the center of attention and that is not me at all. When he asked me out I just couldn't say yes. Not surprisingly though, he had a girlfriend not even a week later.


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

They're hiding in their houses in fear of bitchy women that reject them viciously for not having tattoos and an assuming attitude.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

emerald sea said:


> exactly, exactly, exactly!! very perceptive and insightful post. this is how i can tell, too. the guys that feel seductive and overpower you with their charm immediately, who seem to find it "too" easy to talk to you and seem a little "too" good at flirting, like it isn't difficult for them..._be careful_...no matter how they make you feel. they could be nice guys who are just friendly/confident, since there are some guys who flirt with everyone but really aren't players, that's just their way of interacting with women in a friendly way, and they don't mean anything serious by it. but players can be nice to you and pretend to have feelings for you, so you've got to find the ones who are nice and have _sincere_ feelings.


I'm glad other people realise this as well. I dated a guy who was very flirty, still is. But he flirts with everyone and he means nothing by it. My only issue with it was how the other females would perceive it, as many women think they're special if a man flirts with them or that they can steal him from his girlfriend or something like that. This guy has typically treated me very well. We had our fights and our issues and the only reason we broke up is that we needed to focus on other aspects of our lives. We're still friends and we may even get back together in the future, who knows. 

I've always been able to scope out guys who treat me right by not jumping into relationships too quickly. So many women out there are super insecure and need a man to validate their feelings. Then when he uses them for sex and leaves them, they wonder what's wrong with them, why aren't they pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough, etc. when in reality the only thing "wrong" with them is that they misjudged the man's character and delved into a relationship too quickly. 

I have had a lot of men pursue me who aren't _really_ interested in me and I can always tell because they are not genuinely interested in getting to know me. They have never asked me a single question about myself, my thoughts, my interests, etc. If we discovered we had similar interests, it was never because he asked me. It was because we were texting/talking and it came up, or I posted it on some social media site. I've had people text me RIGHT after I put a new picture up on facebook after not talking to me for a few weeks. I had one guy call me things like "babe" and "love" and wonder why I didn't respond to his messages. I should've just told him to fuck off, but I didn't think even _that_ was worth my time because he was clearly not interested in a relationship at all. Eventually he did this when aforementioned guy was over and kinda trolled him, which made him stop. 

I also agree with what someone else said about asking a brother or close male friend for help. Men size other men up astonishingly well, even without ever meeting them. 

And if you haven't heard this memo already, entering a relationship with the intent to "fix" the other person is going to land you on your ass. Even if the man is a complete jackass, it is not your place to change him. Only he can find the power within himself to change. 

Also as I believe others have said, raise your standards. They don't have to be ridiculously high. For example, my standards are pretty much the following: 

1. Does he care about my thoughts, feelings, interests, etc? 
2. Has he proven himself trustworthy? 
3. Does he text/call just to talk to me every so often?
4. Does he have an idea of where he wants to take his life?
5. Could I see myself spending the rest of my life with him?
6. Does he respect me, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, and who I am as a person? 

I've followed these standards ever since I started dating at 13 and I have yet to get burned too badly. 

I also use logic and/or intuition when possible too. My intuition is usually right. If it's giving me mixed signals, I take a step back and try to reason through it.


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

Paradox1987 said:


> One of my friends asked this question when we were all together drinking. The guys decided we'd put our minds to it to answer her question. Now bear in mind we were a bit drunk, but we did come up with some solutions to this eternal problem.
> 
> 1. Meet, talk, encourage and don't be afraid to make the first move if he's shy.
> 
> ...


Unless you're looking for sweet Ni dominants...

You'll never get a positive reaction from INJ's when you lick them. Ever.

I suspect the same for ISJ's, but I haven't licked an ISJ, so I wouldn't know.


And yes to the mind games...

When will people get that mind games never work? The good guys get fed up with your superficial shit and the bad guys take advantage of it.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

Torai said:


> Unless you're looking for sweet Ni dominants...
> 
> You'll never get a positive reaction from INJ's when you lick them. Ever.
> 
> I suspect the same for ISJ's, but I haven't licked an ISJ, so I wouldn't know.


But some were still sweet right? :tongue:


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## Nixu (Jun 2, 2010)

Torai said:


> When will people get that mind games never work? The good guys get fed up with your superficial shit and the bad guys take advantage of it.


I have a weird reaction to mind games. I often notice them very fast and I can't tolerate being manipulated or my mind played with. Sometimes I just start counterplaying, making it as frustrating as possible if I am not interested. Or I completely block them, making sure it comes clear I have no interest.
And yeah, I hate when someone plays with my mind, but I like playing with other people's minds. Shoot me.

I never thought about licking, but I guess it works if the guy already has interest in you, haha. At least it might work on me. No one has ever tried.


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