# Are we all not attracted to our own personalities?



## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

If you met yourself. Would you be attracted to you? Honestly. Think about it. Don't say what people want you to hear. Don't say what you think you should say. Don't say what would make you feel confident. Say it as truly as possible. If you recorded a video of yourself and saw all of who you are.... would you be attracted to yourself? 

Why do I ask? 

I have noticed from numerous people that they don't "understand" why anyone would like them. Sure they know about their good points. They know they are confident and good looking and caring and _____ fill in the blank. But they still don't understand the attraction... the feeling of attraction. I hear from many people "why would anyone be attracted to ME"? I'm "annoying". What have you. And you don't have to say these really negative things to yourself to be not attracted to yourself.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

I think so. In spite of my insecurities, there would always be a part of me that really loves myself. Like a paradox.

Might explain why I'm so attracted to INFP's :tongue:


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

I like my type somewhat but I really can't stand being with myself too much. Makes me get very angry. 

I think it is because all I see are my faults in other ESTPs


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## weka (Sep 17, 2010)

I'm attracted to what I am, but not in an appearance/I'm so sexy type way, it's more the attraction of seeing little parts of my personality in other people. I'll go check it out, somewhat unconsciously. It makes for great arguments when I forget the dividing line. And it's kinda sad, but also cool because the other person isn't me and I get to see how our shared traits can be adjusted or improved - the full scope of possibility. It allows me to reach for better balance through observation in a third party; learning about myself, but also seeing past the limitations of my reality and perspective; which I could never do if I restricted myself to self examination.


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## Daimai (Feb 14, 2010)

No. I would probably hate a person that was exactly like me. Might be because I am a douchebag and arrgoant about just everything, while I hate other people with those qualities.


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## Oleas (Jul 22, 2010)

I think it's harder for extroverts to like other extroverts romantically, because they often get on one another's nerves or clash. Introverts don't have that difficulty, because they understand each other and crave for the same things. I don't even understand why introverts would like extroverts! I think the reason I could like me in a relationship is the fact that I care a lot about my partner's feelings, and that's also what I like to get in return. I think I would feel loved, but would eventually tire of the attention.


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## heartturnedtoporcelain (Apr 9, 2010)

I would find myself grating - I would enjoy my sense of humour though. I would also find it difficult to really get a grasp on my insecurities and quirks - I can barely understand them/predict them and I'm not watching it happen from the outside. The friendship/relationship/whatever would feel unstable, I think.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

We would battle to the death! Or just ignore each other completely. We wouldn't get along though.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Oleas said:


> I think it's harder for extroverts to like other extroverts romantically, because they often get on one another's nerves or clash. Introverts don't have that difficulty, because they understand each other and crave for the same things. I don't even understand why introverts would like extroverts! I think the reason I could like me in a relationship is the fact that I care a lot about my partner's feelings, and that's also what I like to get in return. I think I would feel loved, but would eventually tire of the attention.


ermm that makes no sense. Why would an extrovert get on my nerves anymore than an introvert get on an introverts nerves? Extroverts like extroverts cause they understand each other (yes that is sarcasm). I imagine it is awesome with introverts dating introverts. I mean you could sit in different rooms all day and be happy not talking to each other. 

I think in general most same type relationships work because of what you said (similar interests), but I believe they would usually fail. It wouldn't take long before it got stale.


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## Oleas (Jul 22, 2010)

TreeBob said:


> ermm that makes no sense. Why would an extrovert get on my nerves anymore than an introvert get on an introverts nerves? Extroverts like extroverts cause they understand each other (yes that is sarcasm). I imagine it is awesome with introverts dating introverts. I mean you could sit in different rooms all day and be happy not talking to each other.
> 
> I think in general most same type relationships work because of what you said (similar interests), but I believe they would usually fail. It wouldn't take long before it got stale.


It made no sense to YOU, thank you.

You feel differently, and that's fine! I think the introvert/extrovert duo is better than E/E or I/I.
I never said the introvert/introvert relationship would be amazing, I said I thought it might be better than e/e.
I believe very introverted people wouldn't work well together, and neither would very extroverted ones. It's all about balance. Sorry I didn't express myself clearly.

I agree, I don't think same type relationships are good either.


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## geGamedev (Nov 26, 2009)

After I get to know me, yes. Otherwise, nope. It seems almost hypocritical but I'm more attracted to (non-overly) expressive types. People that get visibly excited when the topic turns to something they're interested in. Bubbly but not air-headed. Yet, I'm not very expressive at all, unless it's intentional... (I'd prefer to be more naturally expressive myself, actually)


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

Anything more boring then spending time with a clone of yourself?
Whats the point of being with someone else who is exactly like you ?

You will feel and think the same at all times.
Where is the fun in that ? 
No discussions, no fights, no need for communication as you think the same things.

Other people's company can be enjoyable BECAUSE of their differences. 
It allows for conversation and discussions. It leads to interesting situations where both experience/learn something new. 
If you are copies of each other, then this will never happen.

This of course is the extreme of the same type, but this is why I think same types wouldn't make a great combination.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Oleas said:


> It made no sense to YOU, thank you.
> 
> You feel differently, and that's fine! I think the introvert/extrovert duo is better than E/E or I/I.
> I never said the introvert/introvert relationship would be amazing, I said I thought it might be better than e/e.
> ...


Forgiven! This description is perfect and I agree 100%. :wink:


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I would kick my own ass a lot but the makeup sex and the conversations would be great. My intensity would be too much for me though, seeing as its on both parts.. and things would become too too much.

I am attracted mainly to people who have Ti though.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

I look at it this way, if I was to meet the me of, let's say three years from now and I didn't know it was me, just thought it was someone who looked like me - I know I wouldn't like her and she'd hate me.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

We'd have some damn good conversations, if only one of us would talk first. Then it would never stop.
I think we'd do fine.


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## OctoberSkye (Jun 3, 2010)

I'd be intrigued by this person, but I doubt it would progress past that as we'd both be far too reclusive to ever spend time with one another.


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## Black Rabbit (Apr 15, 2010)

Setting personality typing aside, I would enjoy meeting myself. I'm not really sure what is about me, but I've made big impacts on people's lives. People with anxiety problems tell me I calm them. People who needed motivation have told me I've inspired them to better themselves. I don't know, I'm a balanced person.

Oh, and I love my sense of humor.


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## fauxxskittles (Jun 18, 2010)

I would either really like myself and be bffssss forever, or be really confused about myself and distance myself. Most likely situation would be the former but I'd get sick of myself quite fast and wonder why I have friends, etc.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

The interplay would be an awesome thing, but a novelty at best.

The traits are nice, but I doubt I would be attracted to myself. Even while chatting, and games; I have a distance I would not enjoy. More solid people keep me from falling off.


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## Angel1412kaitou (Mar 30, 2010)

Hmm...Myself? No. But my idealized self? DEFINITELY. I'd marry her right away! ^^


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## Teardrop (Sep 23, 2010)

lol WOW I haven't thought of something like that before thanks 4 this post!!!
If I saw a video of my behaviour, and I was a guy I would be like: 
'You know what this girl is somewhat appealing, she doesn't try to be all 'out there' and she's not dazzling but she's somewhat intriguing (just being honest about how it would be..), I probably wouldn't get close to her but I like her company. She seems nice nothing wrong with her at all but she doesn't realise her beauty (i.e she doesn't seem totally comfortable with herself). I wish I could help her....
ahh, she's finee I'll go talk to that person over there... 
But why so shyy why doesn't she come talk to us here? 

*I would definitely get bored with my company and wish that I would 'come out of myself more' - so this means I am likely more suited to an extrovert.
*
Thanks for making me think about this!


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## Zic (Dec 30, 2009)

I don't know, I'm an arse.
Why would anyone like me IS beyond my comprehension, sorry.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I'm attracted to psychos, psychos who show it on the outside not the inside like I do.


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## teddy564339 (Jun 23, 2010)

For me, there's a big difference in what I'm attracted to in someone, and what I'm looking for in terms of just being able to get along with someone and enjoy their company.


I think in terms of friendship, I would love to spend time with someone just like myself, it would be great. But I don't think I would be attracted to someone like me....there's nothing there to entice me, to spark my interest, to excite me. The person I was attracted to the most in my life was an ESTJ who I felt was confident, strong, sociable, and gave me a sense of a protection. I don't see myself feeling that same excitement for an ISFJ.

This is my problem with relationships...what I'm attracted to, what excites me, is also what I'm not compatible with...extroverts overwhelm me, and thinking types often are too blunt and hurt me, despite what attracts me to that. So even though it's exciting at first, I don't find myself able to enjoy extended periods of time with those qualities. 

That's why I like friendships so much more...I can control how much time I spend with someone and can enjoy myself with them more.


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## geGamedev (Nov 26, 2009)

Ziwosa said:


> Anything more boring then spending time with a clone of yourself?
> Whats the point of being with someone else who is exactly like you ?
> 
> You will feel and think the same at all times.
> ...


Someone of the same personality can have a different focus. I want to do far more than time will allow. With two of me, we could "divide and conquer". It would make it easier to focus our skills and knowledge-bases, thus becoming more unique. Also, the simple act of cloning means that the two people will, from that point on, have their own experiences and their own thoughts.

Granted, someone with a different personality would probably be better at accomplishing some of my goals than I am. So the "divide and conquer" aspect wouldn't be ideal with another me.


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## Indigo Aria (Jan 12, 2010)

I'm not gonna be another fuckin hero. Yeah...I'd love me, I'd probably be gay with me. I've intentionally built my life around the idea of being someone I'd be proud to know. And I'm not talking about the ideal me...I mean the real me. It takes constant work to keep my life from falling into typical american hypocrisy, but it's totally worth it.

As for ISFP's...I like them. Right now I think I like ISTP's best, but ISFP's are nice too.


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## wisdom (Dec 31, 2008)

Depending on what mask that person were wearing - might have to be like me in atypical friendly mode. It could happen online, where that probably wouldn't be an issue and we would connect quickly. I'm never going to run into another me in the real world.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I'm not naturally attracted to people like myself. But I wouldn't say no to a date. Oh my, we would have the most relaxing evening ever, that- and have sex whenever I wanted to.


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## Gracie (Dec 13, 2009)

I don't know if I'd be attracted to myself, but I think I'd like myself well enough in a platonic sort of way. I'd probably annoy myself with oversensitivity, but apart from that I'd get on with me just fine. God knows I spend enough time with me anyway :crazy:

And really, I don't know if it's possible for anyone to see themselves the way their loved ones do. My little brother, for example, actually has quite a low opinion of himself, but I often think if he could just see himself through my eyes he'd never doubt himself again. I simply trust that it is similar for me. That's why I think it's important to voice your feelings about the people closest to you. Unless they're some kind of narcissist, your perception of them is almost guaranteed to be better than their own, and it would be valuable for them to know how you see them.

But I have my good and bad points, like everyone else. Overall I'm a pretty nice, caring person - in general, anyway :wink: - so I don't see why I'd dislike me terribly. Plus, I'd understand me perfectly! I know how much I love fellow INFJs because they *get* me.


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## Jojo (Jul 5, 2010)

We would never see each other as we would be talking to everyone else.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Jojo said:


> We would never see each other as we would be talking to everyone else.


Are you saying we would never know because we could never interact with ourselves?


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## Teardrop (Sep 23, 2010)

thehigher said:


> Are you saying we would never know because we could never interact with ourselves?


Or he might mean that he's so sociable that both versions of him would be floating from person to person?


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

Cruciferae said:


> We would battle to the death! Or just ignore each other completely. We wouldn't get along though.


Ignore each other completely says my ISTP husband from personal experience

I have been attracted to ENFPs and INFPs but they don't see to like me back...in romantic sense. NTs and SPs seem to adore me though and I'm not really attracted to NTs as much as SPs.

The vast majority of couples I know in real life seem to be T/F pairings though. I know a few F/F pairings and far fewer T/T pairings. Hmm.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

thehigher said:


> If you met yourself. Would you be attracted to you? Honestly. Think about it. Don't say what people want you to hear. Don't say what you think you should say. Don't say what would make you feel confident. Say it as truly as possible. If you recorded a video of yourself and saw all of who you are.... would you be attracted to yourself?
> 
> Why do I ask?
> 
> I have noticed from numerous people that they don't "understand" why anyone would like them. Sure they know about their good points. They know they are confident and good looking and caring and _____ fill in the blank. But they still don't understand the attraction... the feeling of attraction. I hear from many people "why would anyone be attracted to ME"? I'm "annoying". What have you. And you don't have to say these really negative things to yourself to be not attracted to yourself.


There are many things about myself that I do not care to surround myself with in the form of other INFP's.

There are also many traits about INFP's that I do not really find attractive.

But if I were to find a well balanced one, the sense of relatibility would definitely cause some attraction.

I find that I just attract other INFP's to myself, not the other way around.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

There are certain parts of myself that I like to see in others but there are also parts that if I saw them in someone else would annoy me. I never dated anyone like myself, however I'd like a friend that was like me. 

Some benefits would be:
To get each others humour, to both be loyal and caring to the same degree, to both enjoy socialising, to enjoy having solitude without someone thinking I am angry with them because I haven't phoned them, to understand that I have pride and will not ask for help so need someone to take charge when they want to help.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Dear God no. I am much too high maintenance for me. I wouldn't put up with that shit for a minute.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

If I met myself would I like me?

I think it'd be fun. We'd synchronize pretty well.. If I met a male version of me, it'd be like a slice of heaven.. even a female. I have one cousin who is an INFP, who is pretty similar to me, and we laugh at the same things.. even when we're barely on the phone for 5 seconds, we're already laughing.

My answer: Sure why not? I'd enjoy the company.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Yes, I would be attracted to my own personality if I were to meet myself as a separate person. I wish that would happen. I would finally feel accepted and understood by someone who wasn't trying to turn me into anything else. 

I love myself. I just don't love the fact that most others can't love me, and have no idea how to deal with me the way I need to be dealt with in order to be content.


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## IheartFootball10 (Sep 25, 2010)

id def like myself if i met me! it'd be a good time.


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## Paradox of Vigor (Jul 7, 2010)

*If I saw myself but I was still me:* I would definately recognize him as a genius, but also a serious threat to my own intellect. I've always been a really challenging person though; never will someone's words go unanalyzed and not made sense out of. I question all that is authority. This is the case for all NTs though so I'm no prodigy.

It's hard to say, but all INTJs are a threat to me, even my greatest friend.


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## Unbekannt (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't know how I honestly feel about my personality, but if I met a woman who shared my interests and opinions exactly, I couldn't help but fall in love with her. My female equivalent might feel differently; males with my hobbies and ideas are in short demand and high supply.

On the other hand, if I had to sit in front of a video clip of me speaking, I'd quickly tear my own larynx out.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

No. I can definitely get annoying, and so can most ExxP's I've met.


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

I will only date another INTJ from now on.


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## TheWaffle (Aug 4, 2010)

Romantically, no. I'd probably avoid someone like me, unless they were more outspoken. Otherwise, I'd probably think they were some boring, quiet person, which is how I probably appear to most people. When it comes to relationships, I want someone who balances me out.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I wouldn't be attracted to myself because of the narcissistic aspect. For a similar reason, I don't know if I'd want to date another INFP, but then I also realize that there is much variety within type.

So I do recognize I have good qualities, ones which are attractive. I didn't used to feel this way, but over time my self-esteem has gotten better. I am not shocked when someone finds me attractive now, but I am definitely still flattered. Unless a guy is really good-looking, then some doubt sets in.... :crazy:


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## Mystique93 (Apr 6, 2011)

Interesting thread.

I don't think I'd be attracted, I'd be traumatized. :crazy:
But seriosuly, If I'd met myself, I'm pretty sure I'd only feel slight curiosity. No attraction.

I'm attracted to people who are certain of their beliefs, or mostly so. 
Therefore, I don't like to believe that we are attracted to our own personalities. Maybe confident people are, I don't know.


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## Konan (Apr 20, 2011)

Not for me. I tend to go for the NT type of people. They are so fascinating to me on how differently they think and act. Hope that doesn't offend anyone but that is how I feel about them and why I feel attracted to them.


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## beyondthephysical (Mar 20, 2011)

Not just no, but HELL no! Two of me would be way to much to manage.


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## ProfessorLiver (Mar 19, 2011)

I doubt it. I'm a little petty. And arrogant. And impatient


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

As someone I would want to be dating, yes. 
As someone I would be attracted to, no.


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## Konan (Apr 20, 2011)

SyndiCat said:


> As someone I would want to date, yes.
> As someone I would be attracted to, no.
> 
> I'm not interested in being assertive.
> ...


 You're cryptic but then what are you interested in?


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

Konan said:


> You're cryptic but then what are you interested in?


Action. People who step up, no hesitation, no questions asked, and get the job done. People who just do instead of think about doing. The opposite of me.


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## Konan (Apr 20, 2011)

SyndiCat said:


> Action. People who step up, no hesitation, no questions asked, and get the job done. People who just do instead of think about doing. The opposite of me.


 Ok and sorry if asking randomly seemed weird... xD


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

Konan said:


> Ok and sorry if asking randomly seemed weird... xD


Not at all.


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## suicidal_orange (May 6, 2010)

I've not read any replies to this so sorry if I'm repeating stuff :laughing:

I wouldn't be even slightly attracted to female me, but not because there is anything wrong with me as such. Mainly because I'm not a big talker so even if she managed to do anything to make me notice she existed whatever time we spent together would be too quiet. The few people I spend any time with are also blessed with expressive faces which helps me notice their mood and again, this is a quality I do not posess. I'm not keen on being probed about my emotional state so am inclined to assume everyone is the same in this regard (although I know this to be very wrong...) so another me wouldn't work. I'm also really bad when it comes to giving emotional support without solutions and the reverse - giving the advice given to me any serious consideration and I'm prone to being a bit emo on occaision - how would that work?!

I would appreciate the stability and always being (very nearly :blushed on time, but even that would probably get boring after a while. Randomness is a good thing.

In short I'm an "opposites attract" type of guy :happy:


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## tapwater (Apr 17, 2011)

At first I'd like myself since I'm passive and agreeable. Then as I got to know myself deeper I'd get annoyed with how little I cared about a lot of things. I probably wouldn't love myself but I wouldn't hate myself either.


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## MonieJ (Nov 22, 2010)

I dnt think I would see myself and go "dayuum who is that?!!" lol I do find my type(ISTJ) attractive. I like all types though :wink:


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## enfda (Nov 6, 2010)

I'm not sure if I really know who I am. I know how I feel, I know what I'm thinking, I know my feelings and emotions and so on... I know my inner side! But I have a hard time figuring out how I appear to others, and how I would appear to me with my own personal external perception. So... my inner part, I quite like it. I'm of course not really my ideal, but I tend to see what I don't like of myself and work on it... I keep changing till I get my goal (probably because for a long time and partly still now I've been spending much time on my own, so I had to satisfy myself playing "different roles" from time to time - this made me get more flexible and versatile!) I mean when I don't like me, I can easily turn different enough to make me feel better. So yes, it's still full of ups and downs but all in all I would probably like me... if I could meet me ah ah 
But yeah... when I feel different inside I see me different also outside, so I really have a confused image of myself. Sometimes I really dislike me or I don't fully recognize who I see in the mirror or in photos.... so I think I could be (or maybe I AM) attracted to my inner side, but I have no idea how I would perceive my personality from outside! I get really surprised when I see people who see themselves in pictures or videos and they do recognize and even love themselves ....it means they have a good "objective" perception and they know when they do something how they will appear


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

It's certainly not my optimal match. I'm definitely attracted to ExFx's and their outgoing, warm, affectionate and charismatic ways. It's undoubtedly an instinctive counterbalance to my more introverted, tough-minded "T" self. I'm sure part of this is that i was raised by an ESFJ mother who role-modeled that version of a woman for me ('sup, Freud). 

As for INTP's, I'm sure I'd like to be around them and certainly am in some settings - the impassioned and rational discussion of "big thoughts" is great (as long as I'm interested in the subject - there are a hell of a lot of INTP's dorked out on stuff I find boring), but for romantic attraction I'd say that that pairing would only be roughly average for me.

As always, YMMV.


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## Coonsy (Dec 22, 2010)

Well, I married another INTJ, and find our relationship to be a perfect match for both of us. Whether or not I would notice myself, I'm not sure...since I tend to be in the background, if I wasn't me, I may not notice me. But I married someone very similar to me, with just enough differences to keep the relationship interesting, without either one of us being bothered by the entire INTJ personality.


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## Azelll (Jan 19, 2011)

Well put it this way, if I were to meet a female version of me, who was relatively attractive, and wasn't related to me or a female clone of me, and had a slight mental difference then yea  I wouldn't want someone to think exactly like me but close is fine with me! I already know someone like that, actually 3 XD and I love all 3 of them, differently love them but I love them!


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## electricky (Feb 18, 2011)

Yes, I would be attracted to me if I met me because (a) if I do not like who I am, then I am doing it wrong, and (b) because I'm narcissistic like that  But as far as attraction for a relationship and whatnot, things might be intense at first, but it would get _really_ boring _really_ fast.


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