# What are outgoing introverts like? And shy extroverts?



## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

A Shy Extravert will desire interaction with people most of the time, but feel insecure around others, particularly ones that they don't know well. They will sit off to the side longing to be part of the group, but too scared to approach. Or they may put themselves out there and speak up, but then fumble their words and turn red and loose their focus because of nervousness. It seems to me that it is these people who are likely to become clingy once they find someone they feel comfortable with becuase they really need the interaction and a chance to talk, but don't get enough of that because they are too easily intimidated by others. 

A Confident Introvert will prefer to spend time alone, but when they want to interact they will not be afraid to do so, and will most likely not act awkwardly. They will probably cut conversations short when they start feeling drained, and will probably keep more of their emotions and details about their lives to themselves. However, they are fine taking the initiative, are comfortable meeting new people, and capable of speaking up and taking the lead when it's something they want or should do. A confident Introvert isn't intimidated by people, they just don't care to spend a lot of time interacting with them - particularly ones who aren't important to them.

I think that most introverts experience being energized by good times with people they really care about. With their 'Inner Circle' are likely to be outgoing, open, talkative, friendly. Of course even with people they love they won't want to spend every moment of the day together and they do need to have time completely alone. But they may feel a desire to interact with their Inner Circle fairly frequently, and are often able to enjoy them for extended periods. Usuallly it's when it comes to dealing with Aquaintances and Strangers that they become very quickly drained and try to avoid interaction. 

Because they open up with some people but not with others it can look like shyness. The difference is - do they really want to interact with more people more often but feel intimidated by them?, or are they just not interested in engaging with people very much, therefore investing all their social energy into just a few important relationships?


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## TiNeSi (Jan 10, 2011)

Aelthwyn said:


> I think that most introverts experience being energized by good times with people they really care about. With their 'Inner Circle' are likely to be outgoing, open, talkative, friendly. Of course even with people they love they won't want to spend every moment of the day together and they do need to have time completely alone. But they may feel a desire to interact with their Inner Circle fairly frequently, and are often able to enjoy them for extended periods. Usuallly it's when it comes to dealing with Aquaintances and Strangers that they become very quickly drained and try to avoid interaction.


I can definitely relate to that.

I don't know if this is helpful, but some people are baffled that talking to a stranger in the street (like asking for direction or something) is a huge effort for me, but I have no problem adressing an audience.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

TiNeSi said:


> I can definitely relate to that.
> 
> I don't know if this is helpful, but some people are baffled that talking to a stranger in the street (like asking for direction or something) is a huge effort for me, but I have no problem adressing an audience.


I can understand that. I think one of the many reasons Introverts often don't talk to people is that we tend to not want to bother others. We don't want to intrude on others lives or interrupt them. 
When you're walking down the street everyone is going about his or her own business, talking or possibly thinking to himself - thus interrupting them and entering their space seems.....rather rude. Not to mention that you're going to get an instant direct close-range responce, so if it's not a good one it'll hit full-force. 

On the other hand, when you have an audience who are volunteering their attention to you, you don't have to worry about bothing them - they're here to listen to you. You've also got a bit of space between yourself and them, and there is less of a direct link between your emotions and each of the listeners you are addressing because you're not standing right in front of them looking in their eyes. Also, you are standing and they are sitting - usually, which tends to make people less intimidating. You probably also have an idea of what to say and what they are expecting of you, whereas talking to a random stranger is much more 'impromtu'. 

As an interesting note, I have a very introverted friend who doesn't mind making small talk with people she will never see again because there is little emotion involved and generally a well known expected 'script' like comments on the weather, complaints about slow lines, and the quality of the burgers at this particular place. The fact that she will never see them again, she says, also adds a sense of freedom in case she does make a fool of herself because their oppinion obviously doesn't matter.


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## TiNeSi (Jan 10, 2011)

That is spot on. I actually almost added a comment about how I feel more awkward with acquaintances than with close friends (of course) or complete strangers.
In a similar vein as the audience thing, I feel fine socializing at a party, including big parties with lots of people I don't know, because that's a place where you're supposed to socialize. If someone aproaches me in a "non-socializing context" though, I'm taken aback.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

Aelthwyn said:


> A Shy Extravert will desire interaction with people most of the time, but feel insecure around others, particularly ones that they don't know well. They will sit off to the side longing to be part of the group, but too scared to approach. Or they may put themselves out there and speak up, but then fumble their words and turn red and loose their focus because of nervousness. It seems to me that it is these people who are likely to become clingy once they find someone they feel comfortable with becuase they really need the interaction and a chance to talk, but don't get enough of that because they are too easily intimidated by others.


I'm not exactly sure how to take the word "clingy" especially since if I'm having the problem of not getting enough out of a relationship when I need it the most, they get cut out pretty quickly.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

SuPERNaUT said:


> I'm not exactly sure how to take the word "clingy" especially since if I'm having the problem of not getting enough out of a relationship when I need it the most, they get cut out pretty quickly.


What I meant by that was - when someone desires a lot of interaction with others but doesn't find it easy to open up and connect with them, when they finally _do_ find one person who they can feel comfortable and open with, they tend to be a bit overzealous in seeking time with that person, seeming to need their company constantly. They also tend to socialize vicariously through that one person, following them around but letting them do all the talking with other people so that they can feel a part of conversations and activities without having to speak up or invite themselves. They enjoy the positive interactions their friend has with others without having to risk the disapproval that could come from direct interaction with those other people. Essentially they are trying to fill all their need for interaction through just one person. 

I don't know about you, but I've experienced making friends with someone who then follows me around like they're my shaddow. They want to hang out all day every day, they call all the time to chat, they can't do anything without inviting me to come along, and I can't do anything without them expecting to be invited to come along too. Maybe that's what best-friendship is like for strong extraverts? I wouldn't know, but for someone who needs some time alone it becomes a real drag. It's not that I don't like the person, but I just can't hang out with anyone _all the time_. There was one friendship I had that started feeling like I was her best friend, mom, and boyfriend all in one - and if you ask me that's expecting a little too much from just one relationship! So that's what I mean by clingy. Someone who seems to always have to be hanging out with you because you are their only source of social energy.

I know I've been guilty of looking to just one person to fill my social needs at times when I've been in a new setting and didn't know anyone yet. And I'm not saying an Introvert couldn't be overwhelmingly clingy in that kind of situation, but it's a lot less likely since they won't be seeking companionship as frequently a an extravert would.


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## melarlee (Oct 29, 2010)

Arachnophobia said:


> They seek out social interaction, but do not necessarily have to do the talking or even engage people actively. Simply being around people is sufficient for them. .


Mmm... yep, happened to me today. It's the first day of classes for my Fall semester and I accidentally slept through the one I had today because of course I'm an idiot and was drinking until 3 in the morning. I felt the need to get out of my house when I woke though because all of my roommates were at class and the isolation for some reason was driving me crazy. Usually I love time to myself... But just not at that moment. So I looked up the class catalog and found some random class on Neuroscience that sounded interesting and I just went to it. Didn't say anything to anyone at all but just being in a rapidly moving environment was enough to restore my energy levels back to normal.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

Aelthwyn said:


> What I meant by that was - when someone desires a lot of interaction with others but doesn't find it easy to open up and connect with them, when they finally _do_ find one person who they can feel comfortable and open with, they tend to be a bit overzealous in seeking time with that person, seeming to need their company constantly. They also tend to socialize vicariously through that one person, following them around but letting them do all the talking with other people so that they can feel a part of conversations and activities without having to speak up or invite themselves. They enjoy the positive interactions their friend has with others without having to risk the disapproval that could come from direct interaction with those other people. Essentially they are trying to fill all their need for interaction through just one person.
> 
> I don't know about you, but I've experienced making friends with someone who then follows me around like they're my shaddow. They want to hang out all day every day, they call all the time to chat, they can't do anything without inviting me to come along, and I can't do anything without them expecting to be invited to come along too. Maybe that's what best-friendship is like for strong extraverts? I wouldn't know, but for someone who needs some time alone it becomes a real drag. It's not that I don't like the person, but I just can't hang out with anyone _all the time_. There was one friendship I had that started feeling like I was her best friend, mom, and boyfriend all in one - and if you ask me that's expecting a little too much from just one relationship! So that's what I mean by clingy. Someone who seems to always have to be hanging out with you because you are their only source of social energy.
> 
> I know I've been guilty of looking to just one person to fill my social needs at times when I've been in a new setting and didn't know anyone yet. And I'm not saying an Introvert couldn't be overwhelmingly clingy in that kind of situation, but it's a lot less likely since they won't be seeking companionship as frequently a an extravert would.


You know you just reminded me of someone who I was with several years back and that would be a perfect description of what was happening to him. He was an extremely clingy person but I learned that once he settled his mother issues, he seemed to depend on me less. It's not very flattering to have been unconsciously thought of as a mother figure though :frustrating: And as a shy extravert I should add I'm likely to be somewhere in the middle as I know I'm capable of latching on to someone but it really is quite rare because I'm way too independent, but it is hard to go and find others instead of letting others find you at least for the time being. Things just usually happened and now it's not that way any more and it's very frustrating and depressing since I do need the contact (though I hate admitting it). :happy:


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## Loyalgirl (Jan 10, 2011)

I'm a reserved extrovert. I think it's mainly because of my adrenal fatigue. I just don't have the energy to talk to all the people I'd like to talk to. So I end up at home resting but frustrated because I need to socialize LOL

But yeah the way to spot a reserved ENFP is in what they talk about and the way they talk. We notice patterns and understand complex theories related to the outside world. We can talk about these for hours. We sorta take on the role of motivational coach. We prefer to focus on other people and goals first and foremost and ourselves second. We want to change the world and are easily motivated and excited about a cause we believe in. We like motivational speeches and get very gung-ho about a cause. We are not half-way about the things we care about. We are all or none.

We may be quiet and warm up to you slowly, but if we have the extroverted intuition going we are definitely extroverts.


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## ISTLgal (Dec 1, 2010)

I can definitely relate to some of these posts!! I'm an introvert;

- I love spending time alone, just researching, exercising, cooking or in my own thoughts etc.

But, I can and do socialise with people. I have good communication skills, especially listening skills. I am not shy, and often if I'm involved in a conversation that's interesting hanging with a smallish group of people I can become more energised.

However, if I'm in a situation where there are a bunch of us going away for more than 4 days, or I've got work/social events back-to-back without time to myself I become pretty drained... 'peopled-out' as someone referred to it. I feel really overwhelmed in my mind, I feel like I'm losing myself and have this intense desire for my own time.

Sometimes though spending too much time alone I'll get really drained and tired.=, usually at this point I start being social again and I'm really energised and ready to go!! 

Its a bit of a balance!! Tricky for extroverts to understand I would imagine.


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## heartturnedtoporcelain (Apr 9, 2010)

I am, without a doubt, an outgoing introvert.

I imagine that people that don't know me that well would perceive me as an extrovert. I'm loud, very talkative, I enjoy being with people. I willing give all my energy to the people I'm with (if I like them, of course). I consider myself a _reckless_ introvert actually - I don't conserve my energy very well. After I use it all up, I need a lot of downtime to recover. And like all introverts, I'm as happy as a clam being by myself for long periods and very, very rarely seek out social interaction.

In fact, because of my outgoing nature, I frequently tip towards extrovert on tests. Despite that, I know that I'm not one.


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## ohlizzie (Feb 3, 2012)

Aelthwyn said:


> What I meant by that was - when someone desires a lot of interaction with others but doesn't find it easy to open up and connect with them, when they finally _do_ find one person who they can feel comfortable and open with, they tend to be a bit overzealous in seeking time with that person, seeming to need their company constantly. They also tend to socialize vicariously through that one person, following them around but letting them do all the talking with other people so that they can feel a part of conversations and activities without having to speak up or invite themselves. They enjoy the positive interactions their friend has with others without having to risk the disapproval that could come from direct interaction with those other people. Essentially they are trying to fill all their need for interaction through just one person.


ROFLMAO. This is so true. As a shy extrovert I'm very guilty of this. I have friends who know everything about me because I can taaaaaalk, who are generally disbelieving when I say I'm shy and don't believe I can possibly be socially awkward, who get endless streams of random chats and texts and "lets hang out" requests from me, are my wifey/sister/gayboyfriend and I imagine it's pretty draining for them as they're all well adjusted non-shy/socially awkward introverts. Surprisingly, I never do this with actual boyfriends...

We really don't mean to be so clingy, but the alternative is sitting along and hating ourselves - we seriously cannot be alone for a long duration without going to a very very dark place - so we continue to pester y'all instead. I always ask my friends to accompany me to parties and I'm very awkward when I have to go somewhere new alone, but if I go with someone I know, or find somebody I know there, I become the life of the party with or without that person beside me. 

I think someone else mentioned too that shy extroverts have difficulty with "polite conversation." We WANT desperately to engage with anyone and everyone but tend to overcompensate for our shyness by being almost obnoxiously outgoing/straightforward. As much as we like being surrounded by people, if we feel even slightly ~judged~ by them - or when all eyes are silently and suddently turned on us - we can freeze up and panic and suddenly we're saying really ridiculously things that we don't really mean. This happens a lot to me in class - I ramble a lot and string together random thoughts without giving you any logical tie in - but put me in front of a crowd with a prepared speech/lines and I charm/wow the room.


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

I'm an introvert but 7w6, so it's a weird combination. I'm somewhat outgoing, but social anxiety stops me from talking to anyone new - I just expend a whole lot of energy socializing with people I know. Then as soon as I'm alone again, I realise how exhausted I am and have to be alone for a while.


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## benoticed (Nov 14, 2012)

heartturnedtoporcelain said:


> I am, without a doubt, an outgoing introvert.
> 
> I imagine that people that don't know me that well would perceive me as an extrovert. I'm loud, very talkative, I enjoy being with people. I willing give all my energy to the people I'm with (if I like them, of course). I consider myself a _reckless_ introvert actually - I don't conserve my energy very well. After I use it all up, I need a lot of downtime to recover. And like all introverts, I'm as happy as a clam being by myself for long periods and very, very rarely seek out social interaction.
> 
> In fact, because of my outgoing nature, I frequently tip towards extrovert on tests. Despite that, I know that I'm not one.



couldn't agree with you more.

i would also say I'm an outgoing introvert. very rarely do i seek social interaction. infact i only use my ability to socialise once put in the situation and I'm open to socialising (usually with strangers) and find that fascinating because strangers to me just seem a lot easier to mould a persona for than for instance someone who you may already know who has a fixed idea of your personality. But funny enough my introvertedness only shows to people i am closer to. For instance I'm shyer around people I'm close to simply because they know me best and I'm more aware of it which just makes it more difficult for me to hold conversations because i don't find it exciting and feel worn out of questions to ask, have i asked this?, have i said that before? so i shy away. Another thing i do which really defines who i am is making lasting first impressions. i try hard to make them positive but then i go and I beat myself up after, about everything when I'm alone.


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## HarpFluffy (Feb 15, 2011)

I tend to visualize extroversion and introversion. I see extroversion as thoughts, feelings, and physical interaction flowing out from me. I see introversion as those things flowing into me.

I'm extremely introverted. So much so that other introverts frequently try to get me to socialize more. I feel like when I turn the constant flow of interaction with the world in the other direction so that it flows out from me, I lose energy fast. I've actually found ways to interact with the world and other people without changing the direction, so as to conserve energy. I try to bring people into my tight introverted circle so they can participate in my thoughts and analyses. This does not drain me. But it takes a long time before I'm comfortable enough with someone to bring them in.

@benoticed said it's easier for her to converse with strangers, which makes me think she is in fact extroverted. That seems to be a common denominator among extroverts I know, especially the ones who are very extroverted. It is so difficult for me to talk to strangers, because I lose so much energy, that I usually ask extroverts to do it for me. And they seem to like doing it, so I don't feel that I'm burdening them.

Also, keep in mind that E and I have to do with more than interacting with people. Extroverts physically move around more because they get energy from interacting with their physical environment. Introverts tend to sit around more, and even when they do things that are physical, it's more about taking in the environment than interacting with it.


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## Glenda Gnome Starr (May 12, 2011)

I'm an ambivert. I can be shy or outgoing, depending on how many people I encounter (the bigger the group, the shyer I become). I am very outgoing with smaller groups of people. I get energy from being with people and from hearing their stories. But people who talk too fast or groups who all talk at the same time drain me and then I need alone time.


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## benoticed (Nov 14, 2012)

HarpFluffy said:


> @_benoticed_ said it's easier for her to converse with strangers, which makes me think she is in fact extroverted.



yeah forgive me for this but i totally got the wrong end of the definition. HarpFluffy is correct, i am indeed a shy extrovert.

Im new and i have just taken the test it showed 1% extrovert which makes me at the lower end of the extrovert spectrum which explains a lot of the things i feel. but I'm not quite sure what exactly 1% of extrovert means whether i am on the borderline. considering the description did mention "You have marginal or no preference of Extraversion over Introversion"


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## HarpFluffy (Feb 15, 2011)

benoticed said:


> yeah forgive me for this but i totally got the wrong end of the definition. i am indeed a shy extrovert.
> i have just taken the test (I'm new) lol


Hey there stranger. Welcome to the site and MBTI. It's changed my life, even if I don't agree with all the concepts. I know myself and other people so much better because of personality theory.


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## datMBTIguy (Oct 31, 2012)

heartturnedtoporcelain said:


> I am, without a doubt, an outgoing introvert.
> 
> I imagine that people that don't know me that well would perceive me as an extrovert. I'm loud, very talkative, I enjoy being with people. I willing give all my energy to the people I'm with (if I like them, of course). I consider myself a _reckless_ introvert actually - I don't conserve my energy very well. After I use it all up, I need a lot of downtime to recover. And like all introverts, I'm as happy as a clam being by myself for long periods and very, very rarely seek out social interaction.
> 
> In fact, because of my outgoing nature, I frequently tip towards extrovert on tests. Despite that, I know that I'm not one.


I don't tip towards extrovert on tests, but I'm definitely also an outgoing introvert in one-on-one or very familiar situations. I'm actually actively working on being more comfortable in the situations where I'm not outgoing (bigger groups, people I don't know well, etc.)

For example if I'm alone at school, I'm perfectly content with being alone. If one person whose company I enjoy should find me, we will sit there bantering about something thoughtful and interesting. I can get excited, loud, and even opinionated if I sense that I won't offend the other person (often this is a criteria, as I don't tend to survive long conversations with sensitive folks who shrink away entirely as soon as "my opinion is" comes out my mouth).

If someone starts rambling nonsense, I quickly wish to disappear so as to end the pain of having to listen to someone who is nice enough that I don't want to offend them, but annoying enough that I would consider popping em with a tranquilizer so I can get away 0=]

As the quoted poster said, strangers are probably likely to find me to be an extrovert, but people who know me well make quick sense of it. At a party once at a table on the side of the room I was talking to my quite extroverted friend who I've known for a year about personality types and when I said that I'm an introvert, he looked at me for a sec and went, "You are an introvert aren't you. You don't always seem like it, but I definitely see that."

I'm pretty comfortable staying in doing homework or watching a show or talking to my roommate on a Friday or Saturday - though my ideal week has exactly one night that includes some sort of adventure or social event. Less than that and I might get a little restless, more than that and I'll be exhausted.

And here I am writing a super-long post! How extroverted of me 0=]

The short version is that outgoing introverts are the type to be vibrant in 1-on-1 conversation but likely more reserved in groups. And save for some N's, they are probably less likely than extroverts to speak in abstract terms. I actually read an article recently that said introverts speak in more concrete terms (i.e. when describing a picture they describe what is actually there as opposed to inferring "this man loves this woman" etc.) so if someone's talking a lot but it's pretty concrete, they might just be a talky introvert.


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## benoticed (Nov 14, 2012)

HarpFluffy said:


> Hey there stranger. Welcome to the site and MBTI. It's changed my life, even if I don't agree with all the concepts. I know myself and other people so much better because of personality theory.



funny i find i have an attraction for the intellects. i find them very fascinating. nice to meet you too!


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