# Do you often come off as cold to people?



## wonderfert (Aug 17, 2010)

Yes. The people who have called me cold are also the ones who tell me to smile more.


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## xezene (Aug 7, 2010)

Used to. Hopefully not anymore.


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## Turelie (Jul 22, 2010)

My ex called me the Ice Queen. That should answer your question. lol


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## Filo (Aug 11, 2010)

Pika said:


> My ex called me the Ice Queen. That should answer your question. lol


:blushed: I think I'm in lust. :wink:


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## PrettyChaotic (Aug 23, 2010)

This is a huge problem for me. Even when I think I'm being warm, open and inviting, I'm told it's just not working. 

I've cried over this a few times because people often assume I'm mean or angry which of course equates to unapproachable. I'm often times left feeling upset because I can't just be like everyone else.


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## zerogravity (Aug 21, 2010)

People told me so, they hope I can be a better person (better = warm-hearted for them) and lol it's kind of impossible -_-


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## ZeRo (Jul 25, 2010)

*I am, but others don't see it...*

I find I am cold, but others don't because see it because I don't show it. 
A lot of people think they're my friends when I don't even consider them my friends but rather acquaintances. 

An ENFJ friend of a friend wasn't too keen on me when I told her that I find it hard to stay in touch with people who aren't around me and that she would probably have to try real hard to stay in contact with me if she wanted too because I don't miss people. She didn't mention anything but I think she was a tad offended (or thought I was cold) that I wouldn't miss people at all (including her). 

I don't miss people and I have an "If I really want to see you again I will come visit you, so there is no need to miss you if I will see you again when I visit" type mentality.

PS. after that I decided I couldn't be bothered telling them I won't miss them so I don't mention it.


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## TeeKwug (Jun 18, 2010)

When it comes to SEEMING cold, I think introversion, not NTness, is the more likely cause. I dont talk very much or have much facial expression usually. This makes me appear emotionless (cold) to people. The fact of the matter is that I'm introspecting a lot. My mind is deep in thought. There is not enough time to consider outward appearance and other social considerations. When I do run my battery and express myself, it is with my small group of close friends. Extroverts = "Friendly/Outgoing" Introverts = "Cold/antisocial". That's as far as appearance is involved at least. I'm quite a softie in reality.


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## lovecraftianbeatles (Aug 22, 2010)

Nope, because I want people to feel included!


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

Possibly these days, and I have been told I was before but at least one time I had a very good reason.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

NatetheGreat said:


> Hmm, I guess that's one of the main advantages of being a feeler vs. a thinker. I always come off as extremely warm and kind to people. I also come off as easily approachable.


Hm....I'm a Feeler as well and I have been called "cold" by several family members, which is rather hurtful as they actually know me well. I've had acquaintances (in social and work situations) say I seem aloof and snobby/intimidating. I've also been called grouchy. Generally, I was just being quiet/reserved or even felt very shy. Many of my friends say that was their first impression of me (aloof & snobby), but they changed their mind once they got to know me. I would not say I am cold, but a Fe style warmth is expected of women, and I'm lacking it, despite feeling generally warm on the inside (or at worst, merely indifferent).


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

OrangeAppled said:


> Hm....I'm a Feeler as well and I have been called "cold" by several family members, which is rather hurtful as they actually know me well. I've had acquaintances (in social and work situations) say I seem aloof and snobby/intimidating. I've also been called grouchy. Generally, I was just being quiet/reserved or even felt very shy. Many of my friends say that was their first impression of me (aloof & snobby), but they changed their mind once they got to know me. I would not say I am cold, but a Fe style warmth is expected of women, and I'm lacking it, despite feeling generally warm on the inside (or at worst, merely indifferent).


Yeah that would hurt too, the one I remember most was a family member, but again I had a good reason and he was either just being phony or one of those too late to bother crying things.
I have come off as warm and that and maybe I still to but it's inside I feel ice cold. I have masks I use to make me seem warm that's all, among other things and I'm getting sick of having to do that. I used to be warm and all that but now I just don't have that warmth and caring any more. It must have been there once because even though I don't feel anything any more I still know what the "right thing" is to do and most of the time that's what I do.


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## Mendelevium (Jan 16, 2010)

I think the problem is that I generally wear a bored or blank expression and talk in a monotone/voice that usually leans toward more 'minor' tones. It causes others to conclude that I am feeling hopeless or depressed, which, while true, doesn't bother me as much as most people think it's supposed to in the context of my being an antisocial and awkward youth. 

It really irritates me when others 'befriend' me out of pity for my lack of close acquaintances or assure me that they struggled with it as well, and then found their peace in meditating or God. When I attempt to act warm, no one even notices.  It's almost as if my attempts to be more Feeler-like are so subtle no one notices it. I don't understand hugs, compliments, or other overt methods of displaying affection, so I have to come up with something else, and no one notices it.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

That's why I think I started mirroring others just because I don't know what to do myself so I fake it as best I can. It gets exhausting though after a while. Always getting asked "what's wrong?" is irritating though so I do what I gotta do I guess.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Something about the inferior function being either on or off with nothing in between?

Yes, I come off as cold. Frequently it's because I really don't feel anything at all in a given social situation aside from anxiety because I think I should be feeling something and fear that I'll be judged by others because I just don't. So I adopt this kind-of affable and cheerful-but-intellectually-curious aspect, the flip side of which is mild, pensive dourness. 

When you talk to me I'm not feeling. I'm thinking. I might be thinking very deeply about you and your troubles as you tell them to me. But I think I would be insulting both of us if I pretended to feel. 

But then on occasion the light switch flicks on. Either by something positive like realizing deep feelings of love no one seems to think are there in me, or something negative like the feeling of having been played as a sucker by someone I trusted. And then utter chaos is unleashed. No one . . . no one . . .calls me "cold" in those cases. They generally just turn pale and reach for their phones. :laughing:


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## judofan (Sep 9, 2010)

*Why crying people made me a faster sprinter*

Strangers come up to me all the time! The problem seems to be in my established relationships. People get really upset with me. When they're mad enough, they attack me. Sometimes, I laugh because the whole thing seems so ridiculous. That never goes over well. Women have physically attacked me throughout my life, and they usually regret doing it. It's tough being a woman with an ENTJ personality because people expect all sorts of annoying nurturing behavior that I just don't do. I've learned to fake "being a woman" because it interferes with work to have people whining and complaining to me that I don't care enough about them. I get so annoyed because I labor endlessly to make their lives better. I have timed the attention that each friend and family member requires to be happy, and I have learned to hug and nurture people in distress. It's tricky because I spend a lot of time trying to be socially unreliable, or people will call me with their problems. I hate it when people cry. I usually plan my escape or walk out the room to avoid crying people whenever possible.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Yeah. By ESFJs usually. I'm not a bubbly giggly smiler though, but I'm still friendly and I do smile when the occasion warrants it. I think guys have much more relaxed standards when it comes to appearing warm and friendly. They don't have to go overboard like girls do.

According to some people, I'm a little abrupt too. I feel free to ramble and mess around on here (during my work breaks), but I'm completely different in "real life". If someone's talking too slowly, pausing for thought (taking too long to say what they wanted to say), rambling or going off-topic, I get a little rude sometimes. I might cut them off, interrupt them, nod my head quickly (which says "okay okay, just get to the point"), verbally prod them ("Well?" "Yes?" "Ok, moving along."), or finish sentences for them. :laughing: I talk really fast too, like South Park fast, so I have high standards. lol How I have friends is beyond me. 

I'll also shamelessly hang up on people. My ENFJ ex tried to do the baby voice "aww you have to go? You hang up first." Well, I hung up. And then he texted me with, "That was mean."


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## judofan (Sep 9, 2010)

LOL! I can completely relate to all of that. I like to make note of things that make various people go away, so I can force them to excuse themselves at will. I work with an ESFP that likes to follow me around. When she starts, I say hello to my ISTJ friend. (She is hypersensitive to the ISTJ's helpful advice.) I don't mind the ISTJ because she leaves me alone when I'm busy.


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## blackandindie (Nov 30, 2009)

I suppose it depends on the situation. Usually I'll come off as a nice friendly person, however, if I feel that the person I am interacting with is "shady" or "rude" then I'll put on my fuck off face. Unless an individual warrants a reason for coldness, I suppose I'm a friendly person.


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