# What you do NOT notice about yourself and reading people's physical indicators..



## fishalee (May 27, 2009)

I recently realized that I am terrible at reading other people when it comes to physical indicators of emotion/comfort levels/needs.... I am entirely language-based, apparently. (This probably explains why I've had a lifelong, secret distaste for accents... When someone has an accent, I never have been able to view him/her as entirely the same species as me--just in the way that I felt I couldn't completely relate... It has nothing to do with culture or anything... it was thoroughly based in speech. My friend's mom just opened my eyes to this when she explained how she moved to various countries as a child and, as a result, since she never was a native of the language where she lived--she learned to rely heavily on associating people's facial expressions and the such to what they said to determine what the person felt...I realized how maybe what I notice in other people is only the most overt--crying, arms crossed, red-faced, deep breathing... nothing subtle...)

I never suspected this about myself because it seemed I was able to decently asses people's feelings most of the time... but of course, i just failed to distinguish that where I failed, it often had to do with the person being more strict than the others with revealing information...even when other people with me seemed to instantly understand the person-in-question's feelings...

and isn't it just hard to know what you lack? since you dont know what its existence is like? 

for instance, I know i dont have a sense of direction.I only know this though, because i have been around people who demonstrated the sense enough times to recognize the void in myself... 

i also am tone-deaf. Again, I only know this because I have been informed of this enough times to believe it...

a big problem I have is not noticing the speed at which I talk-people are always angry that I talk too quickly (although i do notice the related-problem of my frequent failure to enunciate and pronounce words properly...) but i don't notice the speed at which I talk so I can't monitor myself.. I also only notice the speeds of other people's speech when it is extremely slow/fast... 

So i didnt realize that other people can read into people physically more than I can... 

Also, I'm sort of a loud person, i guess--and I tend to jump topics a lot in conversation--I also can be very comfortable in social settings going off alone a bit, or maybe writing in a notebook I had in my purse if i want to remember something---time and time again, friends of mine have pointed out that little things I do make other people 'uncomfortable'--this used to be very frustrating because I never saw any evidence of that and I never did anything to impose on others or with bad intent... So, how could I ever predict what future behavior of mine might bother someone? ive never even come up with a workable system of analogizing and 'playing it safe' would eliminate too much of my general behavior...

so now i'm realizing that my friends were able to see a discomfort in these people that i could not...

how do i improve this? or do you guys have this ability? what stuff do you recognize? 

or does anyone else notice a sense you might be missing? 

(luckily, as a child i was able to realize other people don't like crumbs and wrinkles... it was not natural in me to be tidy--but that was an easy one to recognize...)


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## Antagonist (Mar 27, 2009)

I think most of that can be explained by being N and not S. Most Ns will probably relate to most of what you said, though being E and F should help a little for some of those things. Although, you sound a little more Ne than Ni, but of course it's not exactly the best indicator.


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## Charlie (Jun 7, 2009)

fishalee said:


> I recently realized that I am terrible at reading other people when it comes to physical indicators of emotion/comfort levels/needs.... I am entirely language-based, apparently. (This probably explains why I've had a lifelong, secret distaste for accents... When someone has an accent, I never have been able to view him/her as entirely the same species as me--just in the way that I felt I couldn't completely relate... It has nothing to do with culture or anything... it was thoroughly based in speech. My friend's mom just opened my eyes to this when she explained how she moved to various countries as a child and, as a result, since she never was a native of the language where she lived--she learned to rely heavily on associating people's facial expressions and the such to what they said to determine what the person felt...I realized how maybe what I notice in other people is only the most overt--crying, arms crossed, red-faced, deep breathing... nothing subtle...)
> 
> I never suspected this about myself because it seemed I was able to decently asses people's feelings most of the time... but of course, i just failed to distinguish that where I failed, it often had to do with the person being more strict than the others with revealing information...even when other people with me seemed to instantly understand the person-in-question's feelings...
> 
> ...



let me start off my saying: OMG you are completely and totally adorable. I can relate to the fast talking thing; I can't help it. When I get excited or angry and am trying to keep my mouth in pace with my brain, speech comes out like a flood. 

1. I bet a million dollars that you are better at reading people more than you know. 2. For me personally, I feel like I can read a lot of people better than most. Almost to the point where I feel like I'm invading their private thoughts and embarrassing them. I notice things I'm not supposed to notice: I catch twitches of the eye, nervousness in the hands, a fleeting look of pain, embarrassment. I feel pretty connected with people in an ability to understand them. I often just like to sit in a corner of the room and observe everyone, watching body language and interaction....


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## fishalee (May 27, 2009)

Charlie said:


> let me start off my saying: OMG you are completely and totally adorable. I can relate to the fast talking thing; I can't help it. When I get excited or angry and am trying to keep my mouth in pace with my brain, speech comes out like a flood.
> 
> 1. I bet a million dollars that you are better at reading people more than you know. 2. For me personally, I feel like I can read a lot of people better than most. Almost to the point where I feel like I'm invading their private thoughts and embarrassing them. I notice things I'm not supposed to notice: I catch twitches of the eye, nervousness in the hands, a fleeting look of pain, embarrassment. I feel pretty connected with people in an ability to understand them. I often just like to sit in a corner of the room and observe everyone, watching body language and interaction....



haha you made me feel precious! i want to meet other people who have flood speech in real life!

see, i cant do that though-about how you can read people... that's exactly what I have been realizing. i dont see fleeting looks, or nervousness or twitches.. i dont even SEE it, let alone be able to interpret it. And how you said you observe people sometimes...ive heard people describe your type--in books, the observant types always seem to be the main characters, or the interesting characters---i am going to make it a big goal to try to start observing that stuff... maybe after awhile, i'll be able to recognize patterns... maybe there are books on your secrets... 

ehh i dont want to study all day again. and it's already 2 pm here.


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## Jrquinlisk (Jan 17, 2009)

Heh, I can't read people for crap. I am _terrible_ at it. Sometimes when I've been hanging out with people for extended periods I can gauge the basics. Otherwise, I pretty much have to stare at them for at least a few seconds, and even then I'm wrong half the time. It's one of the reasons why, in social situations, I prefer to sit back and just listen until I can properly assess the mood and the subject of the conversation.


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## Charlie (Jun 7, 2009)

fishalee said:


> haha you made me feel precious! i want to meet other people who have flood speech in real life!
> 
> see, i cant do that though-about how you can read people... that's exactly what I have been realizing. i dont see fleeting looks, or nervousness or twitches.. i dont even SEE it, let alone be able to interpret it. And how you said you observe people sometimes...ive heard people describe your type--in books, the observant types always seem to be the main characters, or the interesting characters---i am going to make it a big goal to try to start observing that stuff... maybe after awhile, i'll be able to recognize patterns... maybe there are books on your secrets...
> 
> ehh i dont want to study all day again. and it's already 2 pm here.


you can absolutely adapt to do this! My theory on why I can read people so well is because I love people so much that I pay attention to the details in their behavior. And i'm guessing you love people every bit as much, so I have full faith you can easily transition. and like I said before, I bet you are way better at this than you give yourself credit for!


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## Kokos (Dec 28, 2008)

I can read people really well, i mix at the same time what the person is saying and his/her emotions. You have to notice each detail like movements of the eyes; the lips; the tone of the voice; the body language, position of the arms, legs, distance between you and the person .. 

You take all that put it all in a whole by intuition, here you go, you have your emotion.

Then you mix it with what is being said and see if there is a sense of congruence.
That at an instant T1 then at an instant T2


And then you compare instants T1 and T2 and see if there is still a sense of congruence in the whole conversation!! :tongue:


If the person is faking emotions i will immediately feel a sense of non congruence between what is said and what is felt. I tend to be rarely bullshitted, but there is still exceptions :tongue:. (except when it's a matter of rational problems)



The thing is is that i read people very well, but at the same time i don't how to fake it and make myself readable.


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## Ninja (Jun 28, 2009)

When you watch someone, every move means something. You don't notice what happens perhaps because you dismiss other aspects of life as just nothing. Those thoughts that come and go in your head, you perhaps see them as something to be dismissed. They aren't, they are alerting you of the world around you, interpreting the universe like those thoughts you do choose to recognize as valid. Those small thoughts are like small nuances in body language, all valid, all meaningful. A bat clearly wings and hits a ball. The intention of the swing is to hit the ball. A woman looks in another direction when I'm speaking. Why? Something could be behind me, though if she sighs while looking beside me, she most likely is bored right. I recommend you watch someone, and pay attention to every detail, and ask yourself what it means. You may find yourself watching thinking, the person isn't doing anything.. but all those nothings, are actually something.


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## Malebranche (Apr 22, 2009)

yea i can read people fairly well, its easier with people i know but i can still read most people who i just meet,
so i can most of the time tell if someone is lying to me or if they are faking an emotion


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## Crystalview (Apr 26, 2009)

Kokos said:


> I can read people really well, i mix at the same time what the person is saying and his/her emotions. You have to notice each detail like movements of the eyes; the lips; the tone of the voice; the body language, position of the arms, legs, distance between you and the person ..
> 
> You take all that put it all in a whole by intuition, here you go, you have your emotion.
> 
> ...


I could totally relate to that.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

Sometimes I zone out, while being around other people. 
Well, sometimes I also 'look' like I'm zoning out but I'm actually just reflecting on what's going on.
Rofl, anyhow- people notice 

I also don't notice how I express emotions 'cause even though I'm pretty self-conscious, sometimes I just 'flow' with stuff as well.
For instance I've heard people say:
- omg you're blushing! (^^ shy about what's going on apparently)
- why do you suddenly look so happy? (didn't realize the huge smile on my face)
- is something wrong? (no, I'm just staring into the void for a sec, pardon me for not looking enthousiastic ^^ *changes thoughts to be more elevated*)

And I have absolutely no clue I express this, which means I don't realize how much the internal things going on are being reflected on my outer side.
Pretty awesome actually. It tells me more about my mood lol


Also sometimes I'm told I don't talk loud enough but it depends on the person's preference and hearing abilities me thinks.
Also that's not always true.

I usually read people's physical cues very well actually.
Though sometimes I tend to go a little paranoid over it. xD (for instance someone stretches their arm out and I quickly turn into a defensive mode because I think it will hit me Another example would be not being sure about what your actually seeing or not being sure as to why this is happening: seeing multiple choices and unable to reduce. But mostly I think what I conclude is about right. xcept in the case of that arm n stuff which indicates I react too hasty)


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## Harley (Jul 5, 2009)

Ironically even though N's tend tend to be spaced out and unaware of their surroundings, I feel like like I'm not too shabby at reading other people. When it comes to body language I find that that is the most easiest indicator of what a person is feeling (or trying to portray their feeling). But how a person talks and their tone of voice is their biggest cue, I guess to try to figure them out. I love language and word play, and I am a total grammar freak so I tend to pick up verbal clues easily, and be able to extrapolate meanings from their words. Of course this only works if the person doesn't speak in a monotone voice:crazy:


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## Ninja (Jun 28, 2009)

When I'm in a situation with a girl who is giving me signs that she doesn't want me to be there. My hormones, and desire to maintain contact will over ride the logicality of what I should do, which is leave the situation. For example, lack of eye contact, lack of interest, are all signs to leave the situation. One should then act accordingly, instead of act as if one is in denial, while not mentally being in denial.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

I tend to notice everything about another person while talking to them, which means I get the body language, facial expressions, wording, and tone all at once. Also at the same time, I'm comparing this new information with the data I already have about that person. The problem for me remembering to open my mouth. Sometimes I'm so focused on processing that I forget to keep responding. This is, of course, when I'm doing a lot of listening as opposed to light conversation. 

This is sort of related I guess, but I have an....odd set of facial expressions. I make a face that I believe to be one thing and it is interpreted as another. I also have trouble controlling my face during a conversation. I just get so busy processing that I forget to mask myself, and other people can see right through me.

I also think N is supposed to be better at non-verbal cues than S, if I'm not mistaken.


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## imru2 (Jun 20, 2009)

skyline said:


> *Sometimes I zone out, while being around other people*.
> Well, *sometimes I also 'look' like I'm zoning out but I'm actually just reflecting on what's going on*.
> Rofl, anyhow- people notice
> 
> ...


I am a lot like this as well. I tend to appear like I'm constantly spaced out. Usually I'm simply absorbing the situation, but sometimes I really am zoning out. Either way, people tend to notice. 

I think I might have a problem with facial expressions. Meaning, I have trouble hiding how I feel unless I am actively focused on doing just that. This means that I end up smiling, blushing, looking worried, etc., based on what I am currently thinking. People for the most part, can see on my face, how I'm reacting to their words when I can't find my own way to voice it. 

Also, my speech. Apparently, (I can't tell, actually) my voice is very small. To me it sounds very loud and abrasive, but every single person I know tells me over and over again that not only do I sound like a twelve-year old girl, but "Can you speak up please?" Obviously it sounds like I'm constantly just above a whisper. Whenever I find myself trying to accommodate the volume of my voice for other people, I feel like I'm shouting, but they tell me I'm still too quiet. 0_o;;

I suppose it doesn't help that when I get excited about something and I decided to finally speak about it, my words seem to tumble out rapidly and I end up sacrificing enunciation for the sake of rushing to get to my point. So I can relate with the "flood of speech" thing. ^_^

As for reading physical clues, I am pretty good, but I have the habit of seeing things that might not be there. Such as perceiving that a raised hand is going to hit me. lol Or that every little movement actually means something significant.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

Liontiger said:


> I tend to notice everything about another person while talking to them, which means I get the body language, facial expressions, wording, and tone all at once. Also at the same time, I'm comparing this new information with the data I already have about that person. The problem for me remembering to open my mouth. Sometimes I'm so focused on processing that I forget to keep responding. This is, of course, when I'm doing a lot of listening as opposed to light conversation.
> 
> This is sort of related I guess, but I have an....odd set of facial expressions. I make a face that I believe to be one thing and it is interpreted as another. I also have trouble controlling my face during a conversation. I just get so busy processing that I forget to mask myself, and other people can see right through me.
> 
> I also think N is supposed to be better at non-verbal cues than S, if I'm not mistaken.


Oo, I have the same problem regarding "processing and listening so much that you forget to respond" I even tend to not look at the person at all... Some think I'm bullshitting them or most probably not listening at all, while in fact I'm listening quite carefully and just process it to my own  
I'm gonna work on nodding affirmatively or doing the usual 'uhuh' 
Hey but I know how it feels, and it's kind of awkward, 'cause I have this friend who often does the same: you can talk to him and he'll just barely respond, even though he has probably heard everything you said. 
Pretty awkward :tongue:

I can also relate to how people can "see through me" if I don't control my facial expressions. I tend to be able to be pretty animated when I'm really expressing myself and it comes off as a surprise to most. They'll suddenly see this emotional expression I seemed to not have shown before, I guess.
But because I often tend to make jokes it still keeps the mystery hanging as well ^^ to most people, I'll never be fully readable. I've met a few, few, exceptions who could see things others wouldn't recognize. And even They get confused sometimes. Pretty lulzy when you make use of every feature.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

imru2 said:


> I am a lot like this as well. I tend to appear like I'm constantly spaced out. Usually I'm simply absorbing the situation, but sometimes I really am zoning out. Either way, people tend to notice.
> 
> I think I might have a problem with facial expressions. Meaning, I have trouble hiding how I feel unless I am actively focused on doing just that. *This means that I end up smiling, blushing, looking worried, etc., based on what I am currently thinking.* People for the most part, can see on my face, how I'm reacting to their words when I can't find my own way to voice it.
> 
> ...


I can relate to a lot of that. I have such bad control over my facial expressions that they occur when I'm not even talking to somone. I'll just spontaneously make a face (or so it seems), and if someone sees it they tend to think I'm crazy XD

You hear your voice both as it comes out of your mouth and as it echoes around in your head, so you probably sound different to yourself. I also have soft-voice issues :/ I tried recording a video of myself, and it sounded like I was whispering.

Oh my goodness, do I ever have issues with enunciating while excited -_- Sometimes my brain will be working so fast to get something out that I just end up with word mush in some unhuman language. I just smoosh parts of words together in an incoherent mess. People might think I'm mentally retarded, if they didn't know any better.

I also tend to overanalyze physical cues. I might come out of a conversation thinking that they weren't paying attention to me because they didn't make eye contact, which is not always the case.


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## imru2 (Jun 20, 2009)

Liontiger said:


> I can relate to a lot of that. I have such bad control over my facial expressions that *they occur when I'm not even talking to somone. I'll just spontaneously make a face* (or so it seems), and if someone sees it they tend to think I'm crazy XD
> 
> You hear your voice both as it comes out of your mouth and as it echoes around in your head, so you probably sound different to yourself. I also have soft-voice issues :/ I tried recording a video of myself, and it sounded like I was whispering.
> 
> ...



Yes yes yes! I've realized (when people tell me) that I tend to smile or frown or whatever depending on what I'm doing too, so I probably look like the most bizarre grocery-shopper... xD

I wrote something about the mush-language in the "What I hate about being INFP" I think. I seem to think way faster than my mouth can move and my words end up jumbling over one another. A lot of times, in an effort to save face, I try to pretend like what I've just said was an actual word instead of gibberish (what can I say? In my head the words are never too fast!). 

I tend to walk away from conversations, over-analyzing whether or not that person was trying to send me some sort of clue. "Did she mean something when she shifted her weight to her left foot?" Like, wtf, right? =_=;; But I mean, THERE COULD BE VITAL INFORMATION THERE, RIGHT?! >_>;; :laughing:


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## imru2 (Jun 20, 2009)

Liontiger said:


> You hear your voice both as it comes out of your mouth and as it echoes around in your head, so you probably sound different to yourself. I also have soft-voice issues :/ I tried recording a video of myself, and it sounded like I was whispering.


Oh, just to address this. Yes I have heard my voice. I sound like (to me) a whispering, childish, little girl. 

When I still played WoW, I used to dread getting on Vent during raids because some of my guild members would challenge me about my supposed age. Some of them to this day refuse to believe I am indeed 21 and not a pre-teen in middle school who just makes a great strategist. :sad:


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

haha, I like where this conversation is going.

Sometimes I babble ^.^ 
I try to say STUFF, it comes out like 'abrbrbr..wait,glfk..no..lkddsfj, dfodj' - then I say "Ok, from the beginning." and try to do it all over again.  Thought processing guyz!! xD

Do you also have this thing where you often forget you need to or can talk and you 're so surprised by your own voice when you're actually engaged in a conversation? I don't know what it is, i'ts like getting used to your own voice again. I have this around some of my friends. ^-^ And often when strangers ask me something, I answer more physically than verbally or just make a little sound. haha I often make sounds , hehehe.
I often clear my throat and walk around with gum and the like in my mouth, so maybe that's why ^^? .


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