# In desperate need of a life... everything is pointless...



## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

So, I pretty much have nothing to live for. I'm not so much in pain, but my world is just... blank. And empty, and pointless, and meaningless, and repetitive, and uneventful.

I set a few goals: I want to get a good grade, I want to win this competition, I want to DO something with my LIFE. But I don't really try. I sort of kind of try, and I fail, but it doesn't hurt anymore. I just go numb, and laugh a little bit. "Well of course I was never going to succeed!"

So, I just spend most of my time on personality type forums, wearing down people's patience with complaints about my life. But I'm never going to change anything. I guess I have a little bit... maybe the reason I'm getting bored with these forums is that I'm becoming healthier?

I don't know... I just want something to DO. I used to have an eating disorder, that took up a lot of my time. I just spend most of my time fantasizing. It's not very fulfilling.


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## conformità (Mar 14, 2010)

i think it might be a good idea for you to sit back and contemplate what you want from life,,, its important not to stress about whats not going on because that frustration wont last forever you just need to know what it is you are searching for... whether it be a relationship or a job etc. etc.


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## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

If you find out pass it on, I could use whatever answer you come to. I'm on this same path oddly enough.


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## Allegorist (Mar 28, 2010)

Hi, 3teal2penguin6. First of all, do you know what's wonderful about a blank world? Your blank world? You can sketch it. You can paint it. You can turn your blank world into a gorgeous, vibrant place. But it just can't paint itself. You have to try. You gotta try like it's no tomorrow. You have goals, that's great. They're realistic and you can achieve them if you try. Don't let yourself down, there's no point in letting yourself down. If you do fail, it's ok. You should feel the feeling of failure, it's so dark but so great at the same time. You learn from your mistakes, 3teal2penguin6. 

Your fantasizing could lead somewhere. You could paint or sketch someone's else world.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

Alexa said:


> i think it might be a good idea for you to sit back and contemplate what you want from life,,, its important not to stress about whats not going on because that frustration wont last forever you just need to know what it is you are searching for... whether it be a relationship or a job etc. etc.


I don't know what I'm searching for. I spent some time searching for thinness, then connection, then love. All three were unfulfilled fantasies. I'm not sure if I actually want any of those things in real life. They were more idealizations that would be ruined by reality.

One of the reasons I see life as meaningless is that I have no goals. I guess I just want... to be a confident, funny person capable of doing anything. To produces genius, groundbreaking, innovative work. The constant challenge to do better.

I want to fight a fun fight.

I would also like to revel in my own quirkiness on the side.


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## walkawaysun09 (Mar 13, 2010)

I've often heard this from a few of my friends, but rarely of myself...that they have no direction. Oddly enough, all of these friends are INTP's. This just makes me feel that perhaps what you need is not necessarily just goals, but someone (a friend, family member, someone in your community, a teacher) to help keep you on track with your goals if you lack the motivation to do it yourself.

In the end, simply because you have no "purpose" means nothing. We make meaning and purpose out of our own lives, there is no underlying destiny (at least i hope not) to any of our lives, no due date for us to die, no day planner of the gods above saying "you're life will suck until this point". You can change the direction you go at any time, so don't give up, find someone to hold you to whatever goals you set your mind to, and you'll feel a bit better once you set them. Just remember to start with ones you can reach, and slowly build your way up to harder goals.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

walkawaysun09 said:


> I've often heard this from a few of my friends, but rarely of myself...that they have no direction. Oddly enough, all of these friends are INTP's. This just makes me feel that perhaps what you need is not necessarily just goals, but someone (a friend, family member, someone in your community, a teacher) to help keep you on track with your goals if you lack the motivation to do it yourself.
> 
> In the end, simply because you have no "purpose" means nothing. We make meaning and purpose out of our own lives, there is no underlying destiny (at least i hope not) to any of our lives, no due date for us to die, no day planner of the gods above saying "you're life will suck until this point". You can change the direction you go at any time, so don't give up, find someone to hold you to whatever goals you set your mind to, and you'll feel a bit better once you set them. Just remember to start with ones you can reach, and slowly build your way up to harder goals.


I agree that we make meaning and purpose out of our own lives. 

I'm not sure if I need another person to help me with my goals... possibly. But I don't know where to find one. I know that I need one very badly, but I had a very painful experience of reaching out and being rejected. I'm very reluctant to do it again. Right now I'm just trying to accept the fact that I failed, and I want to accept it and move on. That used to be one of my fantasies... that I hadn't ruined my chances to connect. 

I'm an NT, so even admitting that I have a weakness and that I need emotional support is very embarrassing. I'd rather just deny it.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about myself and my situation. I'm trying to become more extroverted, because I'm an extrovert and introversion may contribute to my depression.

I really want to be able to delete this later.


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## kept81213 (Dec 7, 2009)

I am an extrovert who has spent most of her life being depressed. I definitely get into those areas where I am having no fun and I feel like I'm going no where saying what's the point anyway?

What I've realized about myself is that I NEED people. I need to be talking to people, I need to being doing things with people, I need to be near people. If I start spending too much time alone, or with one person who doesnt want to interact with others I start getting really really depressed. So last summer I turned my world around. I had spent too much time inside doing projects by myself and that's just not good for me. I got outside. I started working out again with a friend. Everytime someone asked me to do things I said yes, even if I didnt really like the person that much or know them very well. I forced myself to ask people I didnt know well to do things. I bought tickets to concerts, games, movies anything I made myself ask some of my old friends. 

Other than old friends, I started making plans with my family more as well. I hosted parties and planned fun events. I started a different job where I met new people. I then planned things to do with those people. I also started doing a volunteer job down at the animal shelter. There I spent time walking the dogs, but also got to talk to people thinking about adopting. I also became friends with the workers there. 

I know that once you get into a depression rut it is SO SO hard to get out of it. Believe me I was in it for the last 3 years. Also, for me talking to a therapist seems silly too, but it definitely helps. 

Really just telling yourself, hey I'm going to book up my ENTIRE weekend with things to do even if I dont feel like it helps A LOT. Once you start getting back out there again, you'll become sooo much more happy. Trust me. 

Now I know that people are what I need, I can say ok, I've been spending too much time alone I need to get out and do something so I dont get depressed again. Also, doing volunteer work really helps as well. A lot of it is busy work, but it gets you outside and talking to people again. Plus, at least for a while it gives you meaning. For me helping all those animals who didn't have homes gave me a purpose because they counted on me to be there for them. 

Besides, who cares about destiny or a purpose anyway. We're just all trying to survive in this world. I know that N's like to think about the future a lot. But just for a while try an S perspective. Going one day at a time is all that matters. Once you're feeling better you can worry about the rest of your life. If you can just start doing something for the next week, or month, I'm sure you'll start something new and exciting. And who knows you might meet more people who inspire the rest of your life!

Good luck!! Also, feel free to message me any time if you want to talk about this. I completely understand where you are coming from. Often I think T's tend to shrug off depression because we just dont want to deal with feelings or we think we're being silly. But honestly, they're there and theyre not silly and we need to deal with them somehow.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

kept81213 said:


> I am an extrovert who has spent most of her life being depressed. I definitely get into those areas where I am having no fun and I feel like I'm going no where saying what's the point anyway?
> 
> What I've realized about myself is that I NEED people. I need to be talking to people, I need to being doing things with people, I need to be near people. If I start spending too much time alone, or with one person who doesnt want to interact with others I start getting really really depressed. So last summer I turned my world around. I had spent too much time inside doing projects by myself and that's just not good for me. I got outside. I started working out again with a friend. Everytime someone asked me to do things I said yes, even if I didnt really like the person that much or know them very well. I forced myself to ask people I didnt know well to do things. I bought tickets to concerts, games, movies anything I made myself ask some of my old friends.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I am so sad right now. I think I use internet forums as my social substitute. From the time I post to the time I receive a reply... sheer torture. 

"Why is no one replying to my post? It's been an hour"!

I agree. I did this this weekend. I usually feel uncomfortable making new friends, but someone asked and I said sure. It didn't go well... it didn't go well at all, because we have different interests, but it got better at the end. I guess the warming up process will happen faster the more frequently I do it.

Anyways, that person and I just talked on Facebook today, so I am making some connections where I formerly had none. I don't like to think of myself as a people person, because I firmly believe that I have no social skills and people dislike me. It was sort of a point of pride during my extremely introverted days. I made a point NOT to connect with others, to prove I was above them. I worried they would CHANGE ME. My greatest fear.

I'm trying to be more open to new experiences and new people. 

As for T's and depression, I used to make a point of "milking" my emotions from time to time. Sitting in my room and purposefully trying to work up tears and negative emotions so that I could draw out what might be troubling me. I haven't done that in a while... I don't know if I should.


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## agokcen (Jan 3, 2010)

*I should tell you that I'm not a very nice person when it comes to this sort of thing. I don't think I've said anything too harsh, but if for some reason you interpret any of my words that way, understand that I mean absolutely no offense.*

If you really feel like you've tried everything, go see a therapist or someone of similar position. You're probably suffering from some form of depression. Have you looked into this? I think it's a _very_ legitimate concern. Don't write this off - consider it seriously. I'm also speaking based off of your other posts. You honestly do seem depressed beyond what any healthy person ought to be.

*If you think that depression may be the actual cause and you are going to look into it, then ignore the rest of this post.*

If, however, you haven't tried everything and depression doesn't seem to be a real possibility for you at this point, then I must digress into my not-so-nice ponderings. It seems to me that you somehow _enjoy_ wallowing in self-pity. Again note that I mean no offense by this. If you feel as though you want to do something, then just _do _it. No one else can motivate you. If you claim that you want to do something but then you don't, then apparently you're _content_ to sit around doing nothing. I know you say that you have a desire to be successful, but if you really did, you'd already be out doing it.

This is why I'm not very sympathetic much of the time. People complain about this and that, and how everything is so difficult for them, but the fact is that _everyone_ deals with crap in their lives, even if some people have it tougher than others. If other people can get out there and accomplish things, then so can you. There's nothing stopping you from being successful but your own silly mental blocks. If you're not going to take action for yourself, then stop dreaming of trailblazing, achievement, and glory, because by doing so you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.

People seem to think that they can get help from outside sources, but the truth is that everything comes from inside of _you_. I know that sounds cliche, but people say it often with good reason. No matter how many times someone tells you to do something, you only actually do it when _you_ decide to.

No one else can instill motivation in you - NO ONE. It doesn't matter what I say, or what anyone else says. If things get bad enough, chances are some part of you will realize how far you've fallen and you'll pick yourself up, but until your mindset changes, there's nothing I can do for you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and *DO SOMETHING*. There is no secret to confidence and butt-kicking other than to get out there, love yourself, and BE butt-kicking! _*GO DO IT!*_

I only speak the truth. Trust me.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

agokcen said:


> If, however, you haven't tried everything and depression doesn't seem to be a real possibility for you at this point, then I must digress into my not-so-nice ponderings. It seems to me that you somehow _enjoy_ wallowing in self-pity. Again note that I mean no offense by this. If you feel as though you want to do something, then just _do _it. No one else can motivate you. If you claim that you want to do something but then you don't, then apparently you're _content_ to sit around doing nothing. I know you say that you have a desire to be successful, but if you really did, you'd already be out doing it.
> 
> This is why I'm not very sympathetic much of the time. People complain about this and that, and how everything is so difficult for them, but the fact is that _everyone_ deals with crap in their lives, even if some people have it tougher than others. If other people can get out there and accomplish things, then so can you. There's nothing stopping you from being successful but your own silly mental blocks. If you're not going to take action for yourself, then stop dreaming of trailblazing, achievement, and glory, because by doing so you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.
> 
> ...


I know, I know, I know. I agree - no person can motivate me but me. I've been to a few therapists, and they only serve to further demonstrate the point. The more time I spend with them, the more I examine my feelings about life and mooch off of their pity, the further I fall into depression. I know.

What I do: I become dissatisfied with my life, I bitch about it, and when it finally gets too uncomfortable to bear, I retreat into fantasy. Wonderful feel good fantasies, which aren't meant to motivate me but instead distract me with mild satisfaction. I specifically decided NOT to fantasize today, just to wake up, and it's been torture. I want relief! I almost joined Second Life online today, but I realized that it would only serve as an avoidance mechanism to my true problems... like all my other fantasies.

I DON'T LIKE THIS! IT'S PAINFUL! I DON'T LIKE REALITY!

Should I keep doing this? I'll have to start paying attention in class... dealing with the issues I have with people... living in the moment, like an S. I guess I need to make the real world my fantasy again... but it's SO PAINFUL. I just want to bitch and get my social contact, and then retreat to my dreams. But no, I will hold on. I am VERY close to a serious change this time... I mean it.

Things to do:

Reevaluate belief that everyone hates me

Develop skills to interact with people

Strengthen humor abilities (a former central coping mechanism) which have seriously atrophied

Develop persuasive abilities (major source of retreat is failure to convince others of my ideas)

Say yes to more experiences, even if I don't feel like it



AHH!! I want my fantasies!


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## agokcen (Jan 3, 2010)

Fantasies can only happen if you stop having them and start living them, my dear.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

agokcen said:


> Fantasies can only happen if you stop having them and start living them, my dear.


But my fantasies are so painless! The other ones can fail... the other ones rarely come true, there are so many obstacles and I don't want to risk my emotions on something that might not work out.


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## agokcen (Jan 3, 2010)

3teal2penguin6 said:


> But my fantasies are so painless! The other ones can fail... the other ones rarely come true, there are so many obstacles and I don't want to risk my emotions on something that might not work out.


So that means you _want_ to feel sad and worthless forever? By my standards, that's exactly what you're saying.

You have two options:

The first option is to go out and _do_ stuff. You may get hurt because of whatever risks you take, but you'll never have to complain about being worthless, inactive, and unmotivated, and there's a very good chance that you _will _be successful in and highly rewarded for your endeavors.

The second option is to continue doing nothing. You'll never get hurt because you won't ever take risks, but you'll remain depressed as well as utterly and completely unsuccessful and unfulfilled forever.

The question is, which one sounds worse to you? I'd argue that the second sounds much worse because there's no real reward whatsoever. *Either option can result in some measure of pain, but only the second option guarantees suffering.* You _claim_ to agree, but if actions do indeed speak louder than words (which they do), you apparently favor the second option as the lesser of two evils.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

agokcen said:


> So that means you _want_ to feel sad and worthless forever? By my standards, that's exactly what you're saying.
> 
> You have two options:
> 
> ...


I guess... for the past few years of my life I have equated fantasy as the lesser of two evils. I felt like I couldn't really control my real life... like I was just silent against my will. I tried on this "quiet" persona for safety, and I was having a hard time getting it off. 

I kind of don't want to recognize the drawbacks of not living life. I tried to convince myself fantasy was just as good. But... it's kind of not.


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## agokcen (Jan 3, 2010)

3teal2penguin6 said:


> I guess... for the past few years of my life I have equated fantasy as the lesser of two evils. I felt like I couldn't really control my real life... like I was just silent against my will. I tried on this "quiet" persona for safety, and I was having a hard time getting it off.
> 
> I kind of don't want to recognize the drawbacks of not living life. I tried to convince myself fantasy was just as good. But... it's kind of not.


"It's kind of not" = "It's REALLY not!"

Believe it, sister! I still don't see you believing!

Until you do so, you're going _nowhere_.

The problem with fantasies is that you eventually must face reality once again. If, however, you work to make reality every bit as good as your fantasies, you never have to go back to the way it was.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

agokcen said:


> "It's kind of not" = "It's REALLY not!"
> 
> Believe it, sister! I still don't see you believing!
> 
> ...


You're right. I don't entirely believe just yet. Let's see: fantasies can be woken up by reality, and when they are the reality is often disturbing. What would realistically happen if I continue to live in a fantasy world?

1. I will never find true friends, or the love interest I fantasize about
2. I will continue to waste my life and time on internet forums
3. I will... I really don't see any future. I guess I'd just go to college and probably get... MUCH MORE DEPRESSED. Although I want to say this would never happen, it's possible that I could get so depressed I would drop out. I would be numb to the pain of failure, because my fantasies are always there to distract me when things don't go my way! I'd come home, parents would yell at me, maybe I'd go to community college... I think that fast food worker is a little sensationalist, but it's possible I might end up somewhere I don't like.

I like to think everything would be fine... but I don't have much grip on reality. I... I really have no idea what would happen. When I stand back and look at my own life right now I can't believe it... it doesn't FEEL like I live in isolation!


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## agokcen (Jan 3, 2010)

I'm confident that you'll grow to believe it someday. You'll reach a point when you finally say, "What the hell am I doing? This sucks!"

When you do, everything will turn around, I promise.


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## kept81213 (Dec 7, 2009)

Oh change, yes I agree that it is a scary scary thing. I am an ESTJ myself and so obviously change is not in anyone something I like. But I will tell you something I learned:

As a child, my parents got divorced, as you can imagine completely out of my control, big changes, etc. I went into sort what I like to call a depression coma for about 6 years or so. Really the reason I didn't kill myself is due to the fact that I was young and that I had this dog that I adopted from an animal shelter who really comforted me. I knew she needed me and so i was going to stay for her. Really having someone that needs you, especially someone innocent like and animal or a child can really give you a sure purpose in life. It began to dawn on me later that the reason my father had left us was because of my stepmom. This however I buried in the back of my head and never discussed it with anyone. I bottled up all emotions and declared that I would never ever cry again, especially about that. At this point I was in high school. I was "happy" I guess. I think I was mostly just in denial and so I had bottled up my emotions so much that I was sort of this walking fake happy person forever. I typically become friends with people who are safe. You know? Others who dont like change or anything like that. But in high school I accidentally became friends with an ISFP (almost exactly opposite me) who pretty much changed my life forever. The more time I spent with him the more my emotions would come out, the softer I got, the less orderly I got etc. So after 2 years of that I flipped out, realized everything was too out of control and changing. It scared the hell out of me to be near someone that would change me. And so I ended things with him. For the next couple of years I walked around like that zombie again. But I was really miserable. 

Its funny, it wasn't until I realized that I was being so silly, that I became happier. Yes, change is a little risky. But when I was friends with him, I was HAPPY, even if he was flipping my world upside down. But maybe that's what important people in your life are supposed to do; change you, make you better. Actually until I became friends with him again I continued to be miserable. But its not just him, its the idea that I had accepted the changes. He helps me see the world in a different way. It looks scary, but he'll just tell me not to worry about it yet. 

My point it. I know change is terrifying, but maybe you need to try letting some more people in. Maybe people that are different than you, they really might change your life. But more than that, it'll add another someone who needs you, and being needed gives us purpose. 

Also, take my advice: GO TO COLLEGE. If anything it'll get you away from the place you are trapped in right now. Get the hell out of there and go somewhere far away. I went to college a whole 4 hour plane ride away from home and it definitely helped. You will meet a lot of new people and if you tell yourself "this is my new start and i'm going to make it great!" then it'll happen. Get out of that self doubting depressed trap you're in. It's important for you! 

I cant fully speak of distracting fantasies, but I for one have been wanting to become a vet since I was ten and despite some HUGE set backs, I know it'll happen one day. But I am not someone who day dreams, I get out and do things. If you fantasize about all this stuff, why dont you try doing some of it? 

Also, the ideal love interest. I certainly know who mine was once upon a time. Oddly enough I met my ISFP friend and it completely changed my opinion. There is no ideal perfect guy out there. There's only the one that makes tons of mistakes but you still love them for it. And no one really finds their perfect guy when they're in high school or even in college. So just forget about that and have some fun!

True friends are hard to come by. I think maybe what you are looking for is someone you can have a deep relationship with right away. My sister (INFP) is constantly looking immediately for that deep friendship. But I always tell her that you have to start somewhere. You cant just expect people to open up out of the blue, you have to give them some time. Deep is not something that I would ever start with, and you'd often find that I dont have as many deep conversations, but look we're having one now. So start with the superficial, and maybe you'll find something else later. Everything takes time, and believe me it sounds like you've got it. After high school though, everything goes way way faster, trust me.


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

How recently have you 'recovered' from an eating disorder?

Not many people know this, but the neurological after effects of eating disorders are not well known, but they are significant. There have been studies to show that something happens at a functional level to people suffering from eating disorders. Even recovered eating disorder patients have brains that indicate the functioning of severely depressed people. And in fact, in comparison to 'healthy' non eating disordered controls and their own tests at the start of hospital admission, those 'recovered' from eating disorders feel less capacity to feel positive emotions. I can attest to that. 

And after the eating disorder which consumed you, you have to put all the pieces of your life back together. You can no longer wholly focus inwards to attempt to have control over your life. You have to go back into the real world... but it's hard, because you have to completely re learn how to cope. You want to withdraw.... it's safer. You're less likely to get hurt, less likely to fail... you know what, you can get back to the world. You're just figuring out right now how to deal with it. that's perfectly ok! there will be set backs, it wont feel comfortable at first... in fact, it'll feel as scary as hell. But you're learning. Give yourself credit where it's due. You can do this. 

I don't want to put words into your mouth, but can you relate to what i'm saying at all? 

I know it's so hard. I understand that. But this is just the beginning. You can, and will find a way. You've come this far.


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## reyesaaronringo (Dec 27, 2009)

It’s cliché but life does not have meaning except the one you give it. This is why I keep coming back to Don Quixote as my favorite novel of all time. This is the theme it explores. What is the meaning of things and why is it that we call him the crazy one. 

Don’t be afraid to be the crazy one, live life, make mistakes, fail, and pretend life really does have meaning; it's all part of it. I happen to think life is wonderful. I mean completely wonderful and sadly I’m in the great minority. 

Sometimes I sit there and I stare at my hands. I open them, close them, turn them over, and turn them back. Marveling at it all and I’m not high! I think "I’m 31, what a wonderful age to be. One day I’ll be 70 and I’ll think back to today" that amazing!

I think that was one of my major revelations when I was young. This nothingness to life could be confining or liberating. Life can become a cage or a play pen you only have so much time in. 

A concrete suggestion is to do a biographical timeline of your life. Start from birth until the present and note all the things you can think of that you have done or have happened to you. Where did you go to school? Who wounded you? Boyfriends, girlfriends? Any physical problems? Sleep disorders? Physical pain? Medications you were ever on and how they've helped or not helped? See if themes or patterns begin to emerge from your story. There may be a biological basis for your feelings.

Lastly, I’m not particularly religious but there are a lot of great things to be gained from joining a church or religious group. A sense of purpose, peers in the struggle, an opportunity to contribute in a meaningful way to the world you live in. I know there is a lot of religion bashing here sometimes but I generally see it as a good thing.

Ok, good luck.
:happy:


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

Short but sweet; you NEED something to express yourself, you need to find a hobby and develop on it. Once you're competent, find a group of people and get out there and start doing something productive.

You have to realize there are a wealthy amount of things to do in the world, pick something.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

OJAOERGAOPRG!!!!!! I'M SO FUCKING INSECURE!!!!!!! (sob) (sob) (SOB!!!!)

So I'm in a group in history and we're reviewing for a big test. We have to answer questions. I attempt the first one. A girl, who is on debate and is much better than me, keeps telling me I'm wrong. I say something, she always says "Well, not really..."

Well, BASICALLY! She ends up coming to the same answer I got, but with a few petty details different, just enough to make herself look right while I'm wrong.


I just feel like everything I do in life is wrong! It feels like that in math. I'm just taking stabs in the dark and I'm getting stabbed. I hope, and wish, "Maybe I finally get it! Maybe I'm right!" and no, I'm wrong.

It feels like I'm a gymnast. Everybody else has been training, practicing their routines, and now they've mastered them. I haven't been doing anything. I've been sitting in the corner obsessing over my depression. Now it's time to test, and we have to do a bunch of practice routines. Every single time I fall flat on my face. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It makes me really not want to do gymnastics anymore. I mean, no matter what I do it feels like I'm failing.

I try to stay as far away from the mat as possible, but every day I have to go and try again. I just don't want to anymore! As an NT the intellectual failure is killing me. I feel so inadequate and have lost all confidence in myself. I just don't want to deal with group members who disagree with ideas. I can't do debate, where people are constantly telling me that I'm wrong. I feel like such a hypocrite... I know that being wrong is part of intellectual growth, but I feel like I'm wrong ALL THE TIME.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

maybe you need to realize what your strengths are and find people in your life that will appreciate those strengths and not criticize your faults. you also need to accept the fact that having faults is okay.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> maybe you need to realize what your strengths are and find people in your life that will appreciate those strengths and not criticize your faults. you also need to accept the fact that having faults is okay.


Well, certain faults are okay, but academic ones are not acceptable. Doing well academically is a core part of who I am. My recent downfall has been extremely painful, and it's not something I plan to "accept". I'm the kid that everybody comes to for answers... the one that leads the group because they understand the material and actually know what they're doing. 

Ideally, I will be able to study enough to scrape out a B, and then wait until next year when I get off the standard math track to take stats. Pretty simple, should get an A, and while I'm doing that I'll take physics, which will improve my understanding of calculus.

I do have faults... personal ones. I find that working alone is the best way to accomplish things.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

3teal2penguin6 said:


> Well, certain faults are okay, but academic ones are not acceptable. Doing well academically is a core part of who I am. My recent downfall has been extremely painful, and it's not something I plan to "accept". I'm the kid that everybody comes to for answers... the one that leads the group because they understand the material and actually know what they're doing.
> 
> Ideally, I will be able to study enough to scrape out a B, and then wait until next year when I get off the standard math track to take stats. Pretty simple, should get an A, and while I'm doing that I'll take physics, which will improve my understanding of calculus.
> 
> I do have faults... personal ones. I find that working alone is the best way to accomplish things.


Yeah you should strive to be academically successful for life insurance, but there's nothing wrong with not being naturally good at academics, it's just annoying sometimes.


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

Almost sounds like a case of being your own worst enemy. You're focusing too hard on shit and taking it out on yourself when you choke. You're going to keep holding onto this negativity and it's going to become a vicious cycle, if it isn't already. Fail at something, get angry, upset, and bitter, find something else to try, previous negative feelings cause you to fail at it, and over, and over, and over. Our competitive drive isn't a bad thing, but you're competing against yourself. Why do you have to be the best at everything? And so what if you aren't the best at anything? If you fail at something, it just means you succeeded at failing. Do you actually enjoy debate? Or do you just enjoy trying to be the best? If you enjoy debate, do it for the sake of it, not to be the best. Do you enjoy math and science? Same thing applies. If you enjoy or enjoyed these things at one time, your competitive drive to be the best has killed your sense of joy in them. Work at finding one or two things you enjoy, and just enjoy doing them, not trying to be the best at them. 

As for the realm of people, even with Fe, you're going to offend people. That doesn't mean they hate you. That's just what your Ne is gathering. "They reject my ideas" = "They're rejecting me." in the world of Ne, but Ne is possibilities, NOT truth. You're jumping to conclusions on connections that are most likely inaccurate. You seem to have a fair bit of Fe, in all likelihood you aren't disliked, just misunderstood. Also, Sensors will find you weird, crazy, etc. It's just life, but it doesn't mean they may not be fond of you. 

Oddly enough, you're also trying too hard, because you're trying at all. Don't think, don't try, just do. For example, you want love, you try to find it, you fail. Trying is leading you to try and force things; force extroversion, force acceptance, force love, force success, force being the best. Screw it, don't force anything, don't try anything, just do it. If you start thinking or feeling like you HAVE to do something, DON'T do it. Wait until you don't particularly care and do it then.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> there's nothing with not being naturally good at academics, it's just annoying sometimes.


I can't believe you would say that. That's seriously a stab in the heart. I'm pretty sure that's a direct passive aggressive insult.

"I'm so insecure... sometimes I feel like I'm stupid."
"There's nothing wrong with being stupid."

I... I really can't believe you're even considering this as a possibility. Delete that right now! I'm literally sobbing. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN NATURALLY GOOD AT ACADEMICS!!!! I AM NATURALLY GOOD AT ACADEMICS!!! FUCK YOU!!! I don't need someone kicking me while I'm down, widening my insecurity gap!

As for Big Bad Wolf's advice, if I don't force myself to do something I just wind up sitting around doing nothing. I go to school and day dream, missing out on all the material. I come home and screw around on the internet for hours. Then I wake up and repeat. I really just hate everything. Academics once gave me a sense of importance, but now... I just can't focus. I want to think but I can't focus.

Why is everyone around me widening their academic horizons, while I'm not? I don't feel at all fulfilled. My life is so empty and meaningless. I just can't try anymore.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

3teal2penguin6 said:


> I can't believe you would say that. That's seriously a stab in the heart. I'm pretty sure that's a direct passive aggressive insult.
> 
> "I'm so insecure... sometimes I feel like I'm stupid."
> "There's nothing wrong with being stupid."
> ...


wow really? i did not call you stupid. having trouble with academics does not make you stupid. hell i didn't even say you WERE having trouble with them.

i am bad at math. i always have been. there will never come a day when i will understand math no matter how much i study it.

does that mean i am stupid? no of course it doesn't. everyone is better at some things and worse at others. we don't get to decide what those things are.

don't take what i say and skew it into an insult because of your own personal insecurity. if anything i was trying to make you feel better by pointing out that some people are just not good at academics and it is completely normal if you aren't or if i'm not or if anyone isn't. it sure as hell doesn't make you "stupid". it seems to me like you are expecting far too much out of yourself and it's causing unhealthy anxiety and self doubt. you claimed that "academic faults are not acceptable" when that is not true in the slightest. they are perfectly acceptable and if you think that not being academically prosperous makes you stupid than you just found the source of your insecurity. even if you didn't have trouble before, clearly you do now and the same concept applies.

you would know if i was trying to insult you. i insult people directly not passive aggressively. I don't post here to kick people when they're down. if you knew anything about INFP's you'd know how unnatural that would be for me to do.


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## walkawaysun09 (Mar 13, 2010)

Omar is right, not everyone who is intelligent is good with academics, and here's the reason: Academics are bound by deadlines and not everyone (especially P traits) are good at getting motivation for things they don't feel like doing, to get it done on time. One of my best friends is an INTP, smart as a whip, super intelligent, but he doesn't do well in school, he's practically borderline of being kicked out of college for his grades, not because he sucks, but because the material is not taught in a way where he feels motivated to do it. Your problem could simply be depression causing demotivation to do the work, and if you already had trouble getting it done on time, it's a downward spiral.


You are in a very bad place mentally/emotionally right now, and your reaction to what Omar said just confirms it. You should try to finish out whatever this semester is, good or bad grades, and work on making yourself feel more secure in yourself and relieving the depression over the summer. I can admit, I've been so depressed where everything said to me was an insult on my intelligence, where it makes me instantly mope and think "I'm the worst person ever", a lot of people get that way, what you have to do is persevere, you're too important a person to let this bring you down and effect you permanently.


And if school still bothers you: Einstein sucked at school. Tesla sucked at school. Hell, just about anyone who was a great scientist ever, has sucked at school, not because of them being stupid, but because the structure of the education system works for the majority of the population (the S types) where you are an NT, and you can figure out, hypothesize, come up with new ways of approaching the world nobody has ever thought of before, and what they are built for is not new things, but continuing to re-teach the old ones.


Hopefully you feel better soon, your comments about sobbing really made me wish I could be there personally to try and give you some emotional support and a cheerleader. Because you can get out of this depression and fix your insecurities a little if only you maintain a positive outlook on it, that it can be made better. Losing hope, only means one has lost.


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## yesiknowbut (Oct 25, 2009)

Your negative thinking does potentially suggest a genuine depression, teal.
Wolf's advice was very good, actually. In a nutshell, the harder you try at something, at times the more likely you are to fail. Especially if you are trying on the back of one failure when the stakes are high so you are not on your game.

I don't have any clever answers, but here's a suggestion: how do you want it to be? Assuming that irritating girls in history classes will always try one-upmanship, how would you like the idealised you to be able to respond? What is stopping you from responding in that way? See, that's the bit you can change. You can't change your irritating classmate.

Maths? Stab in the dark? You now that isn't the way to do maths. Go back to the start, think about it, try to do it step by step and don't try to see the whole problem all at once. Be a little sensor. Don't tell me that you are too much of an ENTP to change your approach, be adaptable, do it differently.......


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> don't take what i say and skew it into an insult because of your own personal insecurity. if anything i was trying to make you feel better by pointing out that some people are just not good at academics and it is completely normal if you aren't or if i'm not or if anyone isn't. it sure as hell doesn't make you "stupid". it seems to me like you are expecting far too much out of yourself and it's causing unhealthy anxiety and self doubt. you claimed that "academic faults are not acceptable" when that is not true in the slightest. they are perfectly acceptable and if you think that not being academically prosperous makes you stupid than you just found the source of your insecurity. even if you didn't have trouble before, clearly you do now and the same concept applies.
> 
> you would know if i was trying to insult you. i insult people directly not passive aggressively. I don't post here to kick people when they're down. if you knew anything about INFP's you'd know how unnatural that would be for me to do.


Yeah, I sort of realized that earlier today. I felt ashamed about my post... it was a little extreme. I am definitely being oversensitive. I do hold myself to very high standards. I'm used to passive aggressive insults, and I did not know you were an INFP. I know one, and she is very kind.

I just hate not knowing... it's in my nature to know the most! I feel very vulnerable not understanding.

When I said "academic" I meant "intellectual". I have always had issues in math with formatting... "You're answer is in fractions, not decimals. Minus 2 points!" Frustrates the hell out of me that you could understand the concepts perfectly and get a C. But my current issue is one where I lack understanding of the basic concepts, which is very frightening. I feel like I'm at the mercy of others, and every day I lose my pride.


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

alfreda said:


> I don't have any clever answers, but here's a suggestion: how do you want it to be? Assuming that irritating girls in history classes will always try one-upmanship, how would you like the idealised you to be able to respond? What is stopping you from responding in that way? See, that's the bit you can change. You can't change your irritating classmate.
> 
> Maths? Stab in the dark? You now that isn't the way to do maths. Go back to the start, think about it, try to do it step by step and don't try to see the whole problem all at once. Be a little sensor. Don't tell me that you are too much of an ENTP to change your approach, be adaptable, do it differently.......


Hmm... I talked to that girl again today. I think we're just not communicating (we're talking, but we're talking about two different things) I have had that problem a lot in the past.

I don't know how I want to communicate, I've just noticed that recently I've been repressing my anger. I am filled with rage and it feels like I can't let it out or I will look foolish and overly emotional. I wind up holding it in and being upset. I guess... ideally I would have an advanced knowledge of the subject and kick her ass with said knowledge. But I really don't, so I'm sort of kind of confident, and that's always easy to knock down.

I've tried relearning math, but it just feels hopeless. I look at a concept, and immediately my mind is filled with questions that I can't answer. Besides, I'll never learn enough in time for the AP tests! (Two weeks away)

Yeah, I might genuinely be depressed. I started reading more intellectual books. I NEVER want to go through this again. All through the next year of high school and college I want to be ahead of the class so that the only thing I'll have to worry about is formatting.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

3teal2penguin6 said:


> Yeah, I sort of realized that earlier today. I felt ashamed about my post... it was a little extreme. I am definitely being oversensitive. I do hold myself to very high standards. I'm used to passive aggressive insults, and I did not know you were an INFP. I know one, and she is very kind.
> 
> I just hate not knowing... it's in my nature to know the most! I feel very vulnerable not understanding.
> 
> When I said "academic" I meant "intellectual". I have always had issues in math with formatting... "You're answer is in fractions, not decimals. Minus 2 points!" Frustrates the hell out of me that you could understand the concepts perfectly and get a C. But my current issue is one where I lack understanding of the basic concepts, which is very frightening. I feel like I'm at the mercy of others, and every day I lose my pride.


you should know by now that PerC is an extremely friendly place on average and it's a place to escape to where you don't have to worry about stuff like passive aggressiveness or people kicking you when you're down. roud:

after all, why would you post this thread here if you were expecting that?


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## Oldlady (Sep 18, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> you should know by now that PerC is an extremely friendly place on average and it's a place to escape to where you don't have to worry about stuff like passive aggressiveness or people kicking you when you're down. roud:
> 
> after all, why would you post this thread here if you were expecting that?


Well, sometimes people get tired of my whining and they just sort of tell it like it as as a "shock value" technique.

I'm pretty whiney, and as you'll see it goes in circles. I have a problem... "Here's the answer!"... no, no, I can't do that because of such and such...

I don't thank people because when people thank me I always feel uncomfortable, so I just assume others are the same way. I can tell myself to do it logically, but I worry they'll act like I do when I've been thanked and just start getting annoyed with me.

Yeah, I spend most of my time thinking about my problems, discussing my problems, it gets very tiring.


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