# Did you love your enneagram type at first "sight"?



## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

I’ve recently discovered my enneagram type, but it took me a while and I honestly had some resistance towards it, which made me wonder how it was for others – maybe it’s normal to have some initial resistance? 

Was it easy to figure out your type? Or did you – like me – have some resistance? Did you quickly identify your patterns or are you still trying to figure it out?

Grateful for your honest thoughts,
L


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Finding this type was not easy, but by the time I figured it out, I was beyond resistance—I was familiar with the negative type descriptions and the importance of not beating myself up over my shortcomings. Genuine curiosity about my type also prevented my resisting it. Also I would feel stupid resisting something that I myself had decided to explore.

I didn't resist my two mistypes either, although the first type I got (4, thanks to depression or something) made me feel terrible and perhaps a bit embarrassed. I'm generally good at accepting things.

Part of me thinks that finding my type could have been easier had I really read about the Enneagram the first time I became interested in it, but another part of me thinks that I didn't know myself well enough then and/or the relevant patterns of my personality had not yet manifested strongly enough.


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

I agree - it is stupid to resist something that you sought out yourself. But what has surprised with the enneagram, compared to mbti, is that there were many descriptions that I did not resonate with until much later. For instance, until a few years ago I would never had described myself as shy of conflict - quite the contrary - despite that I'm 9w1. Really, it was so deeply layered in me that it took much personal development to even realize it. 

I guess sometimes the deeper layers of my own behavior eludes me, and I thought there mus be others who feel the same way? Though I don't pretend it doesn't clarify the shortcoming of my current level of personal development.


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## Brains (Jul 22, 2015)

Nah, the descriptions I initially read didn't feel like I fit - I put more weight on some things than others, and had a skewed self-perception. (Introvert? Moi?)


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Wonderlost said:


> I guess sometimes the deeper layers of my own behavior eludes me, and I thought there mus be others who feel the same way?


I definitely experienced the same thing, but it didn't make me resistant. I just looked at how much of the type I _could_ identify with and decided whether that was enough to justify considering myself to be that type.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

I was okay with it. I didn't have any bad connotations about type 6, nor had I really encountered unhealthy 6 behaviors - in fact, I was raised by a good example of a type 6 person. I wasn't enamored by the description(s) but I wasn't repulsed by it, either.

People will often say, "if you're disgusted by a type description, it's definitely your type." Seems really flimsy to me, because one can be disgusted without projecting. Sure, most people will have some resistance to their true type, but it's not always because it "sounds ugly" or whatever, it's often a lack of self-awareness or being uneducated about the types instead. For example, my biggest issue was probably my wing, which stemmed from ignorance (being uneducated) of the differences more than refusal of being w7; there's plenty of others who are similar in that way, who aren't disgusted by their type, per se, but aren't fully aware of it.


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## lolalalah (Aug 1, 2015)

This is going to sound funny. _Yes._ I knew I was a Six right off the bat. But I only got that result right once. The first time I took the test. I remember the type descriptions I found browsing through the enneagram forum were a huge surprise to me, as I thought every single line was emphasising the negative traits in me that I'd never bothered giving a second thought before. Nevertheless, it was mostly like... an epiphany. I had something genuine to work with. I loved it. Thus no matter how many times I got anything different from Six as a result after that, I insisted it should be a mistype. Because I _knew_ (I know) I am a Six, lol. The only thing that made me doubt it was, when I began to read more of these forums, I couldn't really relate to the other people who claimed the same type. Well, I mean I could somehow understand we had similar motivations, but the difference in our behaviour was still so big (type Eight made a lot more sense then), I started questioning if the whole enneagram thing could be grasped in some way other than superficially. But then I found Sixes are supposed to act differently from each other, that it was normal, that enneagram does not dictate one's behaviour, and I finally took notice of the phobic/counterphobic tendencies which are demonstrated differently in each individual. It was easy to accept my type after that.

Of my tritype I was always more certain. I found it easy to relate to the 368 tritype in any of its forms when I read its descriptions (in tests I only ever get 358 because I am typed as a Five so much, but even that goes to show the other two types I relate to best are Eight and Three, with Five getting highlighted because of the wing influence).


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## Jeffrei (Aug 23, 2016)

Lol no. It actually made me feel uncomfortable, and is mostly things I consider to be wrong with myself. However, this could just be because it clashes a bit with my Myers Briggs type.


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## Turi (May 9, 2017)

I've known ever since reading Type 5 that it was accurate.
I've considered others but they're more like.. parts of me, than me, if that makes sense.

I've never _resisted_ 5, though I do sometimes think 4 is just as good a fit.

Biggest issue has been other people questioning it, tbh.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

Enneagram is PoS-system and I hate the type 7 stereotype. It resonates so well with me but the stereotype... is a brainfart.


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## Strelnikov (Jan 19, 2018)

Wonderlost said:


> I’ve recently discovered my enneagram type, but it took me a while and I honestly had some resistance towards it, which made me wonder how it was for others – maybe it’s normal to have some initial resistance?
> 
> Was it easy to figure out your type? Or did you – like me – have some resistance? Did you quickly identify your patterns or are you still trying to figure it out?
> 
> ...


First I thought I was a 6, then a 1, then a 5 and now, I've finally found my real type 8. The fact is that if I read type descriptions, at least the pure descriptions, I couldn't relate to any of them. However, taking the wings or tritype into account, I have found better, more accurate descriptions of me. I combined this also with simply asking people who know me better which type description describes me better. So yes, I can now safely say that I'm an 8.


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## 460202 (May 22, 2017)

Wonderlost said:


> Was it easy to figure out your type?


Yes. I think it must have taken me less than a week to figure out my type, and I haven't questioned it since.



> Or did you – like me – have some resistance?


I wouldn't say that I _resisted_ type 9, but there were certain traits of the type that seemed completely unlike me, and because I could relate a lot to other types, especially the other two withdrawing types, I questioned type 9 for myself. For one, I'm a very free-spirited person. I don't like others controlling me or pushing me (although I don't always resist their pushing). I came to learn that 9s are independent and that they are motivated to maintain / defend their autonomy, but at the time, the impression that I got from most 9 descriptions was that 9s are very dependent on others and that they can't really think for themselves, and I guess me not liking that about 9s had made me a bit reluctant to identify with the type. Same goes for the supposed self-unawareness of 9s. 



> Did you quickly identify your patterns or are you still trying to figure it out?


Yes and no. I identified that at the core, I am motivated to feel okay and so a lot of what I'd done and what I didn't do every single day was based on me wanting to feel okay or to avoid being made emotionally uncomfortable. That was the deciding factor for me. I identified that core feeling of lacking significance and where it came from much later, and I've only recently come to realize what it means to me to need to "merge" with somebody or something. I think that I'm relatively self-aware, but I'm working myself out as I go along because I think there's also a lot I don't realize about myself.


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## piscesfish (Nov 30, 2013)

I've never seriously considered any other core type besides 1, so I certainly knew it was mine from the outset. I wasn't resistant to it because I had already adopted the "perfectionist" label before I even knew about Enneagram, so I was already comfortable with its associated flaws. If anything, I feel less connected to my type on good days when I feel more integrated and carefree; I think understanding that my core motivator doesn't necessarily have to be a constant burden has been the more challenging concept to accept.


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## Temizzle (May 14, 2017)

It was between 3 and 8 in the beginning, I chose 3 because I was reluctant to choose 8, sounded like an asshole. Turns out I am an asshole. :/

Biggest part was noticing the energy I bring into situations.


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## Bibliotaph (Feb 6, 2018)

Well. I _hated_ it at first sight because I knew it was me, even though I had never identified that desire and fear and stuff in me before. I just knew when I first read it. It was very easy to find, though. My family thought I was a five, so I read that, and I figured it out. I never resisted it really, although sometimes I kind of resisted believing that some of the behaviors were what I did, even though I knew that they were. However, wing, instinctual variant, and tritype are pretty much continuing to elude me.


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## psyche (Jan 5, 2011)

If you mean, did I type myself correctly right away...then nope. Not at all. Completely mistyped from the beginning. It was 12 years ago now... My sister and I were teenagers and this was back in the day when OKCupid had all those quizzes, and the 2-question enneagram one was going around on LiveJournal. We both took it and I got 4 and she got 9, and I thought it made sense... She's a nice person and gets along well with others, and I was always moody and had problems growing up. I was going through a horrible time...19 was one of the worst years for me...and the personality typing thing appealed to me because I had no idea what to do with myself. I felt really lost and sad. So I looked around and I thought 4w5 so/sx fit well because I'm introverted and I was into other 4w5's pretty heavily anyway, like Sylvia Plath, music like Joy Division, etc. (I thought Ian Curtis was 5w4 back then but now I think he's 5w6... the 5w6 descriptions are pretty damn misleading to me, honestly) but so-dom 4 seemed right too because I'd always been such a social outcast/ugly duckling and sp-last because I felt so impractical back then.

When I was introduced to tritype back in 2009 I was totally skeptical about it... I went with 4-5-9 because I always scored high on those types I guess. But then it was suggested to me I might have a 6 fix after this incident I got reactive about a cat bite, frantically looking for some peroxide to heal it... I thought about it and I embraced a 6 fix. It seemed to fit, I'm not detached enough for a 5 fix... I doubt myself, I'm skeptical, I feel a lot of fear, etc. I gradually warmed up to the tritype idea, and I went with 6w7 because I can be so silly with people I subconsciously want as allies, I can latch onto them too much and enjoy hanging out with them and everything.

Then everything changed when I was in my late 20's... I can't describe what it was but something in me just changed. I think maybe before that I'd always wanted to see everything through rose tinted glasses a bit... Like I wanted to have a good image of myself without seeing anyone else as having a lesser image? In fact I think that was always part of my ego structure anyway...like, trying to see everyone else as better than myself, just that sort of self deprecation... But then when I was 28, 29 a lot of that dropped away somehow, like I was tired of it. I just wanted to see everyone including myself more clearly, and I started thinking about the interactions I'd had over the years, feedback people had given me... I realized that a common complaint was that I was too clingy or I wanted to merge too much, and that was from the couple of men I'd latched onto way too intensely over the course of my life (there was one when I was a teenager and another when I was in my 20's, both 6's)... and just how I didn't really have the identity issues of the 4 at all but I did have the romanticism, way too much. I realized I was sx 9... and actually way back in the day, like a decade ago now on the EI message board I remembered some sx 9's detailing that revelation ("I'm not a 4, I'm a sx 9")... and that I was social-last. One of the worst problems I have is getting so caught up in these men I had rescue fantasies about that I neglected the friendships I should have invested so much more effort in. Being a social-last 9 feels horrible sometimes, but it feels relieving to know what my real fixation is so I can work on it, hopefully.

Anyway no, I wouldn't say I'm in love with my type... but it was weird because back in the day, I thought being a 9 seemed so nice and I wished that's what I was, for so many years, to the point I thought I could never be that type because I'd put it on such a pedestal. And it turned out my sister is a 6, but she's nicer than I am so I thought I could never be a 9 since that's what we both thought she was, I guess. I feel like that's part of being a 9 for me, not embracing certain aspects of who I am because there's that tendency for your real self, your desires and all that to become foggy in order to focus on others instead... that's how I experience it anyway. 

But yeah if I really wanted to like, give my ego a flattering image I wouldn't go with 9, or at least, definitely not sx 9... I tend to envy like, ISTP 9's or 7's or ESTP 7's and such... you know, women who come off sensual yet independent. I don't come off that way at all, really... but it's okay, I do have an ego but I can put it aside for self-typing and it's nice just to have some self awareness, I guess.


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## TremendouSword (Jan 21, 2018)

I dont know, but i have to say 4 sounds really like me.


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

Wow, you had a long road ahead of you! I can really relate to that... I suppose that might be especially so for 9s?

I first heard about the enneagram years ago but did not go much into it - I was too caught up in mbti. I tried to determine my type by taking multiple tests and comparing my top 3 results from all of them - but as I read more about the enneagram I thought that in itself was enough to determine me as type 5. Later, after a serious break-up and I felt the need to dig into all kinds of self development, I was sure I was type 4. Though type was consistently in my top 3 test results I never truly considered that I could be a 9 - mostly because I never saw myself as shy of conflict (turns out I just dismiss that there could even be a conflict - if it doesn't exist I don't have to deal with it!). 

I suppose I only recently became ready to face the truth of my underlying behavioral patterns (sometimes you really have to walk the walk!). Also, I think there is some truth to the fact that we often tend to resist what we know to be true deep down... as if we resist _because_ we know it is (or believe it to be) our blind side and thus do not wish to see ourselves in that light. I think this is always the roots of my envy of other enneagram or myers briggs types! It really helps me to think of personality as a trade-off: you can never specialist in one field without necessarily neglecting some other field.

I hope this makes sense


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

^^reply to *psyche* #16

I need to work on my post skills...


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

Paradigm said:


> People will often say, "if you're disgusted by a type description, it's definitely your type." Seems really flimsy to me, because one can be disgusted without projecting. Sure, most people will have some resistance to their true type, but it's not always because it "sounds ugly" or whatever, it's often a lack of self-awareness or being uneducated about the types instead. For example, my biggest issue was probably my wing, which stemmed from ignorance (being uneducated) of the differences more than refusal of being w7; there's plenty of others who are similar in that way, who aren't disgusted by their type, per se, but aren't fully aware of it.


Ahh yes, this is exactly what I meant when I used the word "resistance". I felt resistance at the beginning, never being able to acknowledge some aspects of my personality which of course was due to lower selfawareness. No selfawareness, no personal growth!

That being said, I was never disgusted by type 9 and I don't think I ever projected. It suppose it was more of an resistance of how deep some characteristics were embedded in me - things that I had tried to deny and repress because I did not want to be that person... this strategy obviously never worked out in the long run. It may a type 9 thing to feel this way? Now that I think of it, that is pretty consistent with my tendency to ignore the depth of my issues!


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## Full_fathom_4 (Jan 23, 2018)

*4 here*

It was as natural as putting pants on.*

* setting the Gold standard


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## Krayfish (Nov 3, 2015)

Wonderlost said:


> Was it easy to figure out your type? Or did you – like me – have some resistance? Did you quickly identify your patterns or are you still trying to figure it out?


Lol no. I'm probably the most indecisive person I know, I've been type hopping for years (and debataby still am depending on who you consult). Surprisingly, when I first got into enneagram I got pretty close (6w5 sp/so), and even though some of the 6 descriptions were sort of gross, I was pretty sure of it. Kind of like @Paradigm , I've never really had any qualms with type 6. My mom is a type 6w7 and we've always been pretty close. My problem is that when I started learning about typology my life was... A mess and my personality was just as much of a shitshow. 

I had a friend who learned about it at the same time as me and swore to the moon I was a 5 (and that he was a 4, though it's very clear he is a 2 now). So I went with 5w4 (just like every other "INFJ" or depressed person does when they first start typology). Then back to 6. Than back to 5 again, and I just kept oscillating between the types. Since that wasn't working, I eventually oscillated between 9w1 and 1w9 because 9 is a super indecisive and withdrawn type, so that worked. Now I'm back to 6 and, despite being able to still relate a lot to 5, 6w7 now that my personality is starting to become a little less of a mess. My only real question with 6 now is if the reason I relate so much to it is because of just being an anxious person.

The only obvious part about my type was my instinctual stacking. To be honest, I immediately knew I was sx blind because sx initially didn't sound like it could be a real person to me. I went back and forth between so/sp and sp/so (and some people have still suggested I'm so/sp), but honestly in the beginning I just really liked the idea of being so/sp. I "resisted" sp/so for a little bit, but sort of gave in because in the end I'm obsessive about my safety and have no natural networking skills. And also no skill for understanding social context :/

With my tritype, it's always had 1, 9, 5, and 6 in it (I think only at one point did I identify as a 1w2 fixer). Now that I'm figuring out who the hell I am I'm sort of lost again. If I ever understand the heart triad I could probably figure out my type.


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## Lady of Clockwork (Dec 14, 2017)

Not love, no.

The trouble I had was my being an INFP, as I constantly read "It's impossible for INFPs to be a 5" or "You're just in denial" or "If you're 5w4, you're INTP or INTJ" which really didn't help. For a while I typed myself as INTP to fit the supposed puzzle, but that didn't feel right after God knows how much research, so I went to an INFP 4, but everything about the 4 seemed too ... poetical and "I'm so rare and unique", I suppose, so it was either 4w5 or 5w4 -- 5w6 was too far in the Head spectrum. I went for 5w4 and figured I'm just an analytical INFP, (there are others on this forum like that, too, who've had just as much trouble with it), as 5 seemed more in desire of knowledge and anything not to be seen as ignorant and incompetent, whilst 4 was too self-governed in terms of authenticity and not compromising (which I probably am), but the 5 was definitely before the 4.

For instinctual variants, the term "sexual" [sx] put me off for what it really meant as a stacking, so I thought sp/so for myself; but when I researched further into enneagram in relation to variants, my 'so' was blind, and 'sx' didn't really mean as sexual as I thought (probably why some sites put "intimate" instead of "sexual"). Sp/sx thus became my choice.

To this very moment, I'm probably wrong about the whole thing.


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

Krayfish said:


> Now that I'm figuring out who the hell I am I'm sort of lost again.


I can really resonate with that! I sought out the enneagram to find out more about myself only to feel more lost and alone when I succeeded. Now that I think of it, this has happened to me before, though this time in a larger scale. Perhaps the long run benefits will be so too!



iLeaf said:


> To this very moment, I'm probably wrong about the whole thing.


That's the thing, right? It takes a lot of ego work to be sure you resonate with a type "for the right reasons".


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## Xcopy (Dec 10, 2016)

Often, whenever I wanted to figure out someone else, I am the kind of person whom constantly reviews and checks for sources. Mostly, to make sure everything is exactly right. There was a moment where I thought I was a 5, but something kept nagging me. The vision I had of myself and 5 never really matched. There were ennegrams I thought I was, the obvious being 7 or 8. I never really give myself too many moments where I sit down and let the information I receive process. I have moments where I do need to introspect, so once I managed to sit myself down and really look at them before I would see which one resonated with me perfectly. Type 1 fit like a glove once I looked further into it. It fit so many moments in my life, where I could agree with the flaws presented in 1's, that fit me sadly.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I was pretty much either a 7 or a 5. When I was young and full of vigor (and ADHD) I often tested as a 7 (which makes a certain amount of sense, given the line of connection, and my So/Sx instinctual subtypes, and I was wildly inconsistent and immature then). As I got older and grew into myself more, I settled down a lot, and my type 5 really shined through. I think a lot of my "sevinishness" also comes from my attempts to emulate my bio-dad, who is definitely a 7. As I began to realize my own "fivishness," a lot of that fell away.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

It took me a long time to figure out my e-type. When I first learned about the Enneagram, I thought 7 seemed to be the closest to my type, though I didn't feel definitive about it. 6 wasn't even a core type I considered initially, despite fancying it my likely wing. The 6 descriptions I initially read seemed foreign to me - loyal adherence to belief systems, orbiting around authority figures, self-defense, home and financial security. They made me think of caricatures of people, like religious acolytes, doomsday preppers, good old boys, and yes-men. That certainly entailed some repulsion, but mostly just a sense of not really recognizing type 6 in everyday, realistic _people_ - ironic of course because 6 is sometimes referred to as an "everyman" type. I additionally considered typing as 4w3 (but it seemed too tragic), 3w4 (but I'm not very polished), and 9w1 (if only I could be that calm). 

It wasn't until gaining a deeper understanding of the core fears that I became able to see myself as a 6. I did and perhaps do still have some resistance to it, though I also have some fondness for the type. I remember it was out on a secret-mission, early morning drive to pick up some surprise birthday party supplies for my mom that I realized I could seriously be a 6. It must have been some sort of intuitive gestalt because I can't really explain it; I suppose it had something to do with enjoying the comforting pre-dawn anonymity, the rush of fulfilling the mission, the fierce need (duty?) to do something special for my mom, who has devoted her life entirely to taking care of my family, and the open acknowledgement of sacrificing needed sleep for the satisfaction and warmth and fun. While I felt a little uncomfortable about it - a bit let down that I wasn't a more "elegant" type - I also did feel sort of able to embrace the alert, engaged, responsible, cooperative upsides of it. I'd played the "good daughter" role for as long as I could remember and 6w7 fit that just fine. Later I'd learn about the instincts, and realize I was sp-last, and that helped it all make more sense, too. 

Regardless, I relate deeply to 6's feeling of core insecurity, of never having anything solid to rest my feet on. It does suck - in a way I feel like I am always stumbling and can never rest. Part of me wonders if this is holdover from my medically traumatic early childhood, if maybe I'd have been a different type without the constant threat of infection and frequent surgeries over the years. Perhaps instead I would be a core 2w3. Regardless, I feel lucky to have a warm, stable, loving family - though like everyone they have some darknesses and struggles - and my SO, who is slowly teaching me trust. I feel like I am generally warm and conscientious, that I live and act with purpose and awareness, that I am a good family member, that I do my best at my work, that I have a healthy dose of skepticism in a world of "fake news", that I am cooperative and responsible, and that I generally have the happy-if-a-bit-anxious Golden Retriever demeanor, which suits me fine. I feel happy _enough_, in other words. Despite my insecurities, I do like myself. 

Speaking of - I recently ran across this Buddhist proverb: _Enough is a feast._



Paradigm said:


> I was okay with it. I didn't have any bad connotations about type 6, nor had I really encountered unhealthy 6 behaviors - in fact, I was raised by a good example of a type 6 person.


Paradigm, would you be willing to talk about this 6 person? I am glad you were raised by them... It is pleasing to hear about good 6s...


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## Jaune (Jul 11, 2013)

I suppose I was a bit put off by the idea of being a 4w3 originally. General descriptions of the type sound rather pretentious. I just didn't think any of it fit me back then. People pegged me as a 3w4 or 4w5 anyway, never 4w3. (I don't know why I didn't consider it earlier since that seems like a balance of those two.) It certainly wasn't my least favorite type, though. Nowadays, I like the idea of being a 4w3 a lot more since I understand it better, and I do see a lot of myself in this type after reading more detailed descriptions. On the other hand, so/sp was actually my favorite variant combination, and that was part of the reason why I didn't initially think I was one. Descriptions make it sound a lot more extraverted than I actually am. But the combination of 4 and so/sp are very relevant to me.


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## Lord Bullingdon (Aug 9, 2014)

*Maybe it’s normal to have some initial resistance? *
I hear some people do resist their type, and I've even been told you must totally hate your type or you're mistyped. I asked a question about this on EIDB a couple of years ago, and ultimately I've come to disagree with the assumption that finding your type must be painful. 

Yes, there have come times when I sadly realized that every shortcoming, failure, tragedy, and problem in my life can be traced to my type. For the most part, though, no. My type causes all my problems, but it also holds all my strengths and values and higher qualities. I've felt much worse when trying to brainwash myself into being other types. 

The survey I did on EIDB suggests otherwise as well--some people were happy to find their type, or relieved that someone finally told them they were normal. Others were just weirded out, felt like they were being spied on. There is no One Right Way to experience the enneagram, that is all.

*Was it easy to figure out your type?* 
No. Actually it took me about 15 years, starting in my teens and ending in my 30s. (Mind you, I wasn't doing this seriously the whole time--I'd dip in for a few days and lapse for many months in between.)

It should have been easy, but there were a variety of factors that impeded me. 
- First was all the dumb stuff on the internet. Stereotypes, bad information, political maneuvering using my type as the bait, deification, ugly battles, bullying, name calling. And just...no one having the slightest clue yet running their mouths just the same. 
- Second, there were negative instances in my upbringing--me using atypical behaviors to cope. My family never mentioning many of my qualities (which they considered problematic) in the hopes that they could ignore them forever...meaning I never felt my strengths were validated and wondered if I were just delusional. 
- Feedback I got as a child and teenager and young adult (from teachers and bosses) that seemed to speak against my type.

*Or did you – like me – have some resistance? *
Tom Condon says somewhere that if it takes you years and years to find out your type, there's generally something you're avoiding. 

In my case, there was nothing about my type I was avoiding--it's who I felt like I was supposed to be, after all. The problem was that I felt like I wasn't good enough. Multiple lines of evidence kept showing me I was the exact opposite of who I sensed that I was deep inside, and on the internet, my type was reserved for the few and mighty and stereotypical. I guess typing that way would have only opened myself up to the pain of failing myself on some profound level--and possibly, public humiliation.

So...I didn't notice this at the time, but in retrospect...I had to be any other type to avoid this.

*Did you quickly identify your patterns or are you still trying to figure it out?*
To be honest, I knew what my mental patterns were from the start. For some reason, I just didn't apply them to the enneagram. 

Instead, I tried to look at behavioral patterns, which is always a failing prospect. Hence my years of confusion. Some of this was blatant denial. Other times, it was a matter of seeing many different aspects of myself not knowing what was and wasn't important in typing. Other times still, it was just obliviousness--it's like when you're most in your fixation, you're the most unaware of your actions. Without any feedback (remember, my parents ignored certain key features of me) there were some things I just wasn't going to figure out.

It seems so silly in retrospect, but it was such a journey that took me all sorts of places, most of them ugly. Worth it in the end though.


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

I mean I felt lightheaded and my face got hot, I lost my appetite and all that, but it sure wasn't because I was in love. The opposite really.

But that reaction, being shaken to my core like that, means I knew immediately that it was my type.

I had briefly read over some other options, 2 and 5 and 9... but when I took the test and read in depth about 4, it was over.

Still not happy about it but I can't exactly imagine being any other type, and it's not like they would actually be any better or worse. So.


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## bundleofraindrops (Feb 25, 2018)

The first time I read about my type, it was sort of a spiritual experience. It all made sense.


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## BigUD (Jun 30, 2016)

It was surprisingly accurate


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## Jest_Please (Aug 26, 2016)

Well, when I first came into enneagram, I was disintegrating at lot and for a while, so at first I thought I though I was a 1w9. But looking around forums, people were saying that ENTP and 1w9 was a very rare/unlikely match, almost unhealthily so. It also said that the most common type for ENTP was 7 (or in the case that I read, 7w8). For a very long time, I was very much against the thought of being a 7 but after a while, the thought eventually grew on me. (Note at this time I was new to the confusion that is Enneagram and so didn't really pay attention or didn't understand integration/disintegration all that much.) I eventually realized that I was _definitely_ not a 1 and was _irrefutably_ a 7. The article on enneagram institute that has a 7 vs 1 enneagram analysis and explanation on their confusion was good too.

But, tbh, I don't question my type until I have reason to do so. WHen I first found out I was an ENTP, the description looked good, so I went with it until I had reason otherwise. Same with being a 1w9 and sx/sp (tbh i.v. I barely paid attention to b/c I didn't understand them AT ALL). But I've eventually come to question those without searching specifically for them. I more like just casually realized that they didn't fit, otherwise I wouldn't've even bothered to change them. I'm ENTP 7w8 sx/so and 100% certain. I wish I could say the same about my tritype though...

Edit: Although the thing I *hate* about topology is that I don't like being _"explained"_. It disgusts me and feels wrong. I don't know why but it does, and it really is that strong and visceral of a reaction. Continuing researching it more stresses be but I'm B O R E D. I also don't like summing up other people's actions and thoughts to just being "_their type_". I like experiencing and understanding people for myself. Otherwise it feels like my brain is eating itself.


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## compulsiverambler (Jan 7, 2010)

I didn't have resistance, I simply didn't recognise it because I'd been mentally ill so long I had forgotten what I was like before, up to about age seven. By the time I discovered the Enneagram my perception of my personality was based on my brain in a multi-pathological state, and then when I got treatment and my personality completely changed I didn't have the self-awareness to realise my self-image was out of date for another couple of years. Everyone else saw someone wildly different to the person I still had in mind when taking type tests and reading type descriptions.

Basic take-away: don't try to type yourself while your brain is all inflamed and fucked up.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

I punched it in the face. It is attempting to classify, thus,_ possbily_ control me.


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## crazitaco (Apr 9, 2010)

I don't think it was "love" towards the type so much as it clicked easily in place. I first mistyped as a 4, and then considered 5, but as soon as I hit 6 it was the most "correct" feeling type. And since my type was already very inconsistent from the beginning I pretty readily accepted it with no resistance. Mostly my goal was go try on many different metaphorical hats and trying to be very open to any of the types as a potential match. With that being said, I'm still open to the possibilty that i'm not a 6 either, the other type i could be is 1. But I do think 6 is probably closest atleast to my past and present day personality.


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

Wonderlost said:


> I’ve recently discovered my enneagram type, but it took me a while and I honestly had some resistance towards it, which made me wonder how it was for others – maybe it’s normal to have some initial resistance?
> 
> Was it easy to figure out your type? Or did you – like me – have some resistance? Did you quickly identify your patterns or are you still trying to figure it out?
> 
> ...


I hated my type and resisted it. When I encountered other people who were envious competitive little bitches I would type them at 4 and tell myself I wasn't like them. Who was I kidding.


To be fair, most of them weren't fours.
But I had negative associations with the type to be sure.

When my mother saw the enneagram and pointed to the "envy" type saying "this one is you.." then read the longer explanation and said "this is even more you.." I yelled at her.

Eventually I self-diagnosed, cried my eyes out and quit the forum for a while to process it.

I've undergone trauma so I've seen the worst of myself laid bare.

At this point, I've healed a lot and I can also see my higher potentials reflected in the type. So... what can I say. It's me, for better or worse.


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## firegrace (Sep 7, 2014)

Wonderlost said:


> I’ve recently discovered my enneagram type, but it took me a while and I honestly had some resistance towards it, which made me wonder how it was for others – maybe it’s normal to have some initial resistance?
> 
> Was it easy to figure out your type? Or did you – like me – have some resistance? Did you quickly identify your patterns or are you still trying to figure it out?
> 
> ...


Yeah 9w8 seemed and seems about right for me, right from the beginning. Around 2010-11 I discovered the system and tested a 9w8 and had no resistance to it. I actually quite liked it and knew it was somewhat truthful. 

I do appreciate having peace because I'm powerful. I considered 4w3, 5w4, 2w3, and 7w8, but at the end of the day 9w8 seems right for me (at least in the enneagram sense) from the beginning I knew it and liked it.

I have had some identity questions, but that's normal for humans I suppose, but I like the motivation of peace from power. 

I am not an enneagram believer. Who I am REALLY? There's no way someone else will define that for me. I am still finding that out and I think the enneagram wont suffice those who are really looking for crystal clear truth. That Truth comes from within and from discovery, not someone saying, "Hey, here's this cookie cutter thing you can try on--- that's your identity!  "


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## crazitaco (Apr 9, 2010)

Animal said:


> I hated my type and resisted it. When I encountered other people who were envious competitive little bitches I would type them at 4 and tell myself I wasn't like them. Who was I kidding.
> 
> 
> To be fair, most of them weren't fours.
> ...


I wouldn't consider 4's to be one of the worse types. At their worst they're snowflakey and melodramatic, which is fairly harmless atleast for everyone else.


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## Potatooesunshinerays (Dec 26, 2017)

Yss and we are going to get married tomorrow


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

AnneM said:


> I have to manually override all my "best" impulses. I think, "Surely it's a good thing to help this person with such and such." Then I correct myself, "Maybe for someone else it would be a good thing, but not for _you!_ For you, it's a trap!"


Haha I love that h: I do that too; when I found out that I am type 9 I was shocked to find that I suffer from chronic conflict avoidance. Ironically, before last year, I was so in so much denial that I really though _"I'm just drama-free"_. As if. 

Now I keep catching myself in my old habits and trying to do something about it... but man, it is such hard work! I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready to dig deeper into the enneagram atm, so I'm currently digging into mbti (I'm an INFP).


What are you focussing on for personal growth these days: mbti or enneagram..? Not that they are mutually exclusive, but I tend to only focus on one at the time


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

Wonderlost said:


> What are you focussing on for personal growth these days: mbti or enneagram..? Not that they are mutually exclusive, but I tend to only focus on one at the time


I just pour all this shit (MBTI, Enneagram, astrology, etc, etc) into a big, black cauldron which I stir and stir as I cackle away:









Judging by the fumes coming off this hot mess, it's getting pretty potent! Any day now I'm gonna use it to cast an awesome spell.


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

Lol, that is great. Good luck with that!

I hope it doesn't blow up or turn poisonous


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## Sidhe Draoi (Nov 25, 2016)

I juggled 9 and 5 and 4 for a while before I finally decided on 9. 
I didnt even pay any attention to 7 for a while, but its in my line-up for sure.
Now that I think of it, Im envious of 7s. 

but.. 9 did fit, but so did 4 and 5.. so I didnt know which one was my main one.

A test I took for it recently said Im a 4w5 - 9w1 - 7w6 [guessing six anyway..]

I do care about being different, but more than anything conflict bugs me. I had an argument with my aunt and started shaking violently and crying harder than I cried when my grandmother passed away.


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## GreenlandicVegan (Sep 14, 2019)

I did! ENFP 783 I think it all describes me perfectly, I’m adventurous, strong and positive. I love everything about myself XD


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## Ziegel (Feb 11, 2019)

pwowq said:


> Enneagram is PoS-system and I hate the type 7 stereotype. It resonates so well with me but the stereotype... is a brainfart.


What's wrong with the 7 stereotype?


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## blue70rose (Apr 22, 2016)

Nope. I kept getting 4w5 about 8 out of 10 times taking quizzes. But reading the descriptions made me feel on the fence about it. Like, 'I can definitely relate to that on some level / have always had a part of me like that inside....but in the real world I don't behave or look the part at all.' I tried each of the other types on for size, but none fit better. So I kind of set the Enneagram aside as far as being a useful system for me. Then later I did more digging and found out about the countertypes. Finally it made sense. Beatrice Chestnut even mentioned that most of the people who had claimed they couldn't find their E type, turned out to be SP 4s!


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

starberryGhost said:


> I juggled 9 and 5 and 4 for a while before I finally decided on 9.


So did I! Which I thought was weird because I read a few places that it is more normal that the test shows your type and the other types along the integration/disintegration lines... so for type 9 that would be types 3 and 6. But I never tested high in any of those.

I wonder if it can be related to one's MBTI? I can see that you are an INF as well


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## Wonderlost (Feb 8, 2018)

blue70rose said:


> Nope. I kept getting 4w5 about 8 out of 10 times taking quizzes. But reading the descriptions made me feel on the fence about it. Like, 'I can definitely relate to that on some level / have always had a part of me like that inside....but in the real world I don't behave or look the part at all.' I tried each of the other types on for size, but none fit better. So I kind of set the Enneagram aside as far as being a useful system for me. Then later I did more digging and found out about the countertypes. Finally it made sense. Beatrice Chestnut even mentioned that most of the people who had claimed they couldn't find their E type, turned out to be SP 4s!


I did some digging too before I settled on a type. But on some level, I think you have to be "ready" for it.. like you have to be at a certain mindset where you are ready to face what you do not want to know about yourself.

I've observed that when something makes my uncomfortable or I kind of resist whatever description someone has of me, it is usually because it is something I do not want to face. So for the longest time I told myself I was not avoiding conflict, but that I just did have anything to cause a scene about (yup, that is how I see conflict: a scene).

But in the word of Personality Hacker: "what we resist persists"!


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## Asd456 (Jul 25, 2017)

I was open to all the types so there wasn't resistance but the actual process of finding my type was rather time-consuming because unfortunately I couldn't relate to conventional type descriptions - I had to branch off into the different schools of thought i.e. Naranjo's subtypes and Ichazo's ego types.

The Sexual 6 resonated with me because I connected with certain parts (although not the whole thing) of the description, especially the last part:



> Sexual Sixes can travel the path from fear to courage by learning how to be more vulnerable. Put down your weapons and learn to tap into your vulnerable emotions as a source of real strength, real power, and real courage. Notice how being strong masks your fear and other vulnerable feelings, and work to get in touch with those instead of always taking refuge in your ability to squash fear and look strong on the outside. Work toward having the courage to be able to let your guard down with more people more often. Notice how the fear of losing your freedom and independence may lead you to push people away, and work on learning to trust people more with your more vulnerable feelings. Recognize that you can be liberated from the fear that keeps you locked inside the hard shell of your "acorn" self by seeing and accepting that you don't always have to be so strong and so vigilant.


---

Coincidentally, on another note, lately I've been reading about the role of ocytocin (known as the 'love' or bonding hormone) and its involvement in the enhancement of trust and empathy, emotion recognition and fear regulation. In addition to the promotion of social bonding, oxytocin also inhibits the fear center in the brain and allows fear to subside more easily. Dr. Sue Carter calls it "immovability or stillness without fear". Type 6 descriptions usually emphasize cultivating courage or strength to overcome fear. However, what I'm saying is, it seems to me that another way to reduce or alleviate fear is by cultivating love.


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## Qloshae (May 7, 2014)

It took me a few years to "find" my type, but that was more due to me selectively reading type descriptions based on what I thought I was rather than exploratory reading. I also had a self-typed type 4 friend at the time and I wasn't like her at all, so that was just about everything I needed to know at the time.
Later came across a type 4 description more or less accidentally and it hit me like a truck; decided to read a few other sources and they did too. Realized at that time also that the self-typed type 4 ex-friend also wasn't a 4.


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