# my dad



## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

i've posted a few times before about my relationship with my dad. hes a giant douche, it was theorized in my previous past "Am I in the wrong hrer?" that i am being tortured through psychological abuse. my cancern is i dont understand his behaviour. just now i went down stairs to get some water, when i entered the room, he had an immediat change in behaviour. he became suddenly angry, his face controted into a scowl, he turned a litle red and started breathing heavily (this has happened before). so naturall, being a scientist, i analyze the situation. my father is sbujected to operant conditioning. having abused me for many years, and been investigated at least 3 times by child services, he has had to experience being scrutinized and antagonized in my presence in situations which pertain to my and his relatioship. so he has mixed feelings of anger guilt, and sorrow which only seem to surface when he and i are alone, and his brain dosnt need to put up a fron to make appearances infront of the rest of the family. any thoughts or comments?


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## Ben (Aug 23, 2009)

Ask him to talk it out with you, or get him to see a therapist.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Ben said:


> Ask him to talk it out with you, or get him to see a therapist.


fuck him. that ****** always says "thats your problem". fucking ******.


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## Allegorist (Mar 28, 2010)

Calling your father a ****** (I hate this word) isn't going to help. Even if he treats you like crap, disrespecting him won't get you anywhere. I agree with what Ben said. You could talk to your mom to taking him or someone else that will reason with him.


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## Wheelie (Apr 2, 2010)

Interesting.

Would you mind sharing more information about your fathers background? Just vague details, don't worry I'm not child services. Stuff like occupation, childhood upbringing. His treatment towards your mother. His relationship with his parents.

But just going off what you said. I would hypothesize that your father abuses you because you are the only person that he can demonstrate any control over.


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

I am very sorry to hear of this situation. Mercer. 

I do not know of your living arrangements. Do you currently live with him? if you do, can you get yourself out of there?


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## DasPhillipBrau (Apr 2, 2010)

Yeah insulting your dad, wont really get you anywhere, just a feeling to insult again and be insulted by him and then an infinite loop of hate.


You should check your father's medical history...has he ever been hit in the head? he might have some problems on his frontal lobe.

then again...it's probably just a grudge, in which case you should take him to therapy.

OK...we will go with your style in this one.

tell him "Ok listen to me *****, im ****** sick of your bs, we are going to see a ***** therapyst wheter you like it or not, stop being a dork, I would also feel as shit if I were you but I would try to change that, and I bet you also do or you just wanna stay there and hold a grudge against me all your life like a freaking child? act your age!"

Search something that will probably put him to reflection...but I'll suggest doing it in pressence of someone else (your mom for example) in case he goes into a rage attack and assault you.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Wiona said:


> Calling your father a ****** (I hate this word) isn't going to help. Even if he treats you like crap, disrespecting him won't get you anywhere. I agree with what Ben said. You could talk to your mom to taking him or someone else that will reason with him.


you have to understand that women chose their mates very carefully, and the fact that she couldnt do better than HIM says alot about her. among other things, she's completely retarded, bottom line intelligence. can barely function, borderline insane. for many years, in my worst moments she serves to on make things worse.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

NatalieAnne said:


> I am very sorry to hear of this situation. Mercer.
> 
> I do not know of your living arrangements. Do you currently live with him? if you do, can you get yourself out of there?


yes i do, i'll be out in 2 years.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Willy said:


> Interesting.
> 
> Would you mind sharing more information about your fathers background? Just vague details, don't worry I'm not child services. Stuff like occupation, childhood upbringing. His treatment towards your mother. His relationship with his parents.
> 
> But just going off what you said. I would hypothesize that your father abuses you because you are the only person that he can demonstrate any control over.


well he was the fat kid in school. apparently that made him a "freak". he may have been abused by my uncle who is 15 years older than him, because my uncle is very unstable. he works as a federal investigator. he has little experience with women, as far as i know he's only slept wiht 2 (though he probably screwed around on my mom). i dated a girl for 2 months and he said "you went as long as you could without marrying her." i can't say much about his upbringing, he had friends but i thnk my grandad might have been abusive. my mother is retarded, there were a few fights infront of us but not many, he calls her a retarded cunt behind her back, but that dosnt bother me.

he has expressed some concerning things about women, he said they are all cunts, and sometimes when subjects of rape or murdering hookers comes up (we watch alot of stuff like 48 hours and exhibit A) he says things like "whats wrong with that". he once encouraged me to have sex with my cousin. i know my mother has cheated on him. when i was little she came home and told me "i met a boy today and his weenie was only this big!". thats how arbitray my parents moral systems were. extremely arbitrary, both are extremely abraisive. My grandmother died recently, he was very remorseful, he drove 7 hours to be with her, my grandad dies beofre i was born. he used to get angry at me when we went to her house, i'd go into the basement and he'd yell "get up here and visit with your dying grandmother!" so his relationship with his mother was alright.


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## Wheelie (Apr 2, 2010)

Mercer said:


> well he was the fat kid in school. apparently that made him a "freak". he may have been abused by my uncle who is 15 years older than him, because my uncle is very unstable. he works as a federal investigator. he has little experience with women, as far as i know he's only slept wiht 2 (though he probably screwed around on my mom). i dated a girl for 2 months and he said "you went as long as you could without marrying her." i can't say much about his upbringing, he had friends but i thnk my grandad might have been abusive. my mother is retarded, there were a few fights infront of us but not many, he calls her a retarded cunt behind her back, but that dosnt bother me.
> 
> he has expressed some concerning things about women, he said they are all cunts, and sometimes when subjects of rape or murdering hookers comes up (we watch alot of stuff like 48 hours and exhibit A) he says things like "whats wrong with that". he once encouraged me to have sex with my cousin. i know my mother has cheated on him. when i was little she came home and told me "i met a boy today and his weenie was only this big!". thats how arbitray my parents moral systems were. extremely arbitrary, both are extremely abraisive. My grandmother died recently, he was very remorseful, he drove 7 hours to be with her, my grandad dies beofre i was born. he used to get angry at me when we went to her house, i'd go into the basement and he'd yell "get up here and visit with your dying grandmother!" so his relationship with his mother was alright.


 Hi Mercer. I’m just commenting, please don’t take me too seriously. Much of this stuff comes from experience I’ve worked out with my own father. 

Thanks for the background information. Sounds like your father didn’t have an easy life himself. I think from what you’ve told me is that your father hasn’t had any positive male role models while growing up. Seeing how his uncle and father abused him as a child, he may have overly dependent on his mother for affection. I would imagine he has some majorly repressed emotional baggage. Which are being expressed in the forms of abusive behaviour towards you, his resentment towards women and his relationship with his wife. 

I would also imagine he has a very macho definition of being a man.

I figure you could probably care less about him, but his actions are a cry out for help, not particularly to you. But something’s smouldering in that soul of his. The same problems that are YOUR problems Mercer, were also the same problems for him. His perception of reality seems as though he’s alone in this world (which may be) hence why he treats you with the same ‘that’s your problem’ mentality. ‘If no one was there to help me why should I help you?’

There seems to be little you can do, your father seems pretty rooted to his habits and attitude. You’ve got to help yourself first before you can help him or even affect him. If I were you I’d get out of there and live with proactive positive people, but believe me, it won’t be the last of it. Things like this will usually come back to haunt you later in your life, if you don’t want to follow your fathers foots steps you need to understand him and yourself. You need to live consciously of your actions, values and beliefs because right now your use of the word ‘******’ suggests to me that you not entirely unlike your father. 

Your concern about their lack of morals and low standard for life and their relationships suggests that you don’t want that kind of life for yourself. It might be hell right now it might get better, it might get worse. But I'd endure it, then I’d get out of there as soon as I could.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Willy said:


> Hi Mercer. I’m just commenting, please don’t take me too seriously. Much of this stuff comes from experience I’ve worked out with my own father.
> 
> Thanks for the background information. Sounds like your father didn’t have an easy life himself. I think from what you’ve told me is that your father hasn’t had any positive male role models while growing up. Seeing how his uncle and father abused him as a child, he may have overly dependent on his mother for affection. I would imagine he has some majorly repressed emotional baggage. Which are being expressed in the forms of abusive behaviour towards you, his resentment towards women and his relationship with his wife.
> 
> ...


i am no more or less than the sum of my self perception. though i understand my behaviour completely i am almost unable to change certain things. being aware of programs makes you that much easier to change. i am taking steps, and i have stopped the abuse i've pushed onto other people.


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## Tongue Tied (Jan 27, 2010)

Even if he is the biggest jerk on the planet, it seems like you have some anger problems. Besides "******" is an awful word. The derogatory form supposedly originated from the fact the Nazis would tie homosexuals together and light them on fire like a cigarette (******). Whenever I hear/see the word, really disturbing imagery comes to mind.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Tongue Tied said:


> Even if he is the biggest jerk on the planet, it seems like you have some anger problems. Besides "******" is an awful word. The derogatory form supposedly originated from the fact the Nazis would tie homosexuals together and light them on fire like a cigarette (******). Whenever I hear/see the word, really disturbing imagery comes to mind.


first of all "*******" origins stretch back to the middle ages. and yes, it is an awful word, but anyman who calls his prepubescent son a pussy is a ******.


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## Wheelie (Apr 2, 2010)

Hey mercer

Good start in regards to stopping the abuse you may have or have not put on others. What you may think is unchangeable probably is in the short term, but really is no problem from a longer perspective. People often overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years. So keep at it man, self improvement is friggin slow monotonous process, its painful as well. (real self improvement that is, not some temporary high), but you're gonna get old anyway, might as well get better while you're at it. Its also damn rewarding when you look back, and see how far you've come. Be an example ,like the one that your father never was and his father before him. You're setting a new trend, and if you ever have kids, know that they won't suffer the same crap you're going through now.

I would suggest you find some positive male role models, because masculinity is defined by other men. At your age (prepubescent right?) you'll need guidance. Your fathers definition sounds like something you want to avoid and don't go off joining gangs or something because they seem 'tough'

Peace man


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Willy said:


> Hey mercer
> 
> Good start in regards to stopping the abuse you may have or have not put on others. What you may think is unchangeable probably is in the short term, but really is no problem from a longer perspective. People often overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years. So keep at it man, self improvement is friggin slow monotonous process, its painful as well. (real self improvement that is, not some temporary high), but you're gonna get old anyway, might as well get better while you're at it. Its also damn rewarding when you look back, and see how far you've come. Be an example ,like the one that your father never was and his father before him. You're setting a new trend, and if you ever have kids, know that they won't suffer the same crap you're going through now.
> 
> ...


ni.im 18, he called me a pussy multiple times when i was a little boy and again throughout my teens. latley he decided that ****** is the more aceptable term.


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## yesiknowbut (Oct 25, 2009)

Totally agree with looking around you for more positive role models. Your father is looking for a fight, and domination by violence is the way he wants to do that. Perhaps the only way he believes that he can?
What I would say is that if he hasn't abused you in the way he was abused, he has done you a favour that many men in similar positions did not. That's the gift that enables you to get out and live a decent life.

If you're 18, you can leave. It's worth considering. If you feel you need to stay for financial reasons, geting to college or whatever, then you have a bit of a Faustian pact on your hands: your sense of self will continue to be eroded while you are there, is it worth it to escape in the style you'd like? Would getting an evening job keep you out of the house more and allow you to leave home earlier, make you less dependent?

I don't think it is up to children (no disrespect, I mean this in relative terms to parents) to solve their parents' problems for them. You have your own life to live.

Good luck.


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