# Please help me type my frenemy so I can strategize how best to deal with her.



## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

Hi all,

Frenemy is a strong term  but I have a friend whose personality completely grates on my nerves and I'm feeling the need for some major distance. Problem is she is unhealthy and overdramatic and I have to careful how I proceed as we are in the same social circles and are forced to see each other often. 

She is:
Over dramatic
Extremely emotional, highs and lows
Constantly talking in people's faces
On one hand seems totally socially clueless (no concept of personal physical boundaries, follows me yapping around the room when im trying to retreat and move away) yet on the other hand occasionally has a surprisingly intuitive insight or two about people (suspects people's thoughts, eventually catches on that I may be pissed or moody about something. (I am IN/SFJ and tend to hide my feelings)
Can't hide her emotions, wears her feelings on her sleeves
Often has diarrhea of the mouth and says things she regrets later
Is late to everything
Has a messy house
Likes to teach people/Boss people around
Likes to be "top of the class", or the star of whatever she's in
Is a bit narcissistic and deep down believes she's the best at the things she does
Gossips constantly 
Changes her mind/plans frequently and irrationally
Makes very emotional decisions
Dresses nicely, very particular about the way she looks 
Love dancing and is good at it and generally good at most physical activity 
Quick learner but also arrogant about it.
Thinks she's very emotionally independent and proud of it (but really she is not, she acts very insecure). 
Likes attention and to be center of attention
Rather selfish. Talks mostly about herself.
Honest - and blunt about it. 

As you can see, she's on the unhealthy spectrum of whatever type she is. I'm 99% sure she's extroverted. Not sure about N/S, pretty sure she is feeling and probably P over J.

What do you guys think? I need to study her type so I can figure out how she's gonna react when she notices I'm retreating, so I can steel myself for what is to come. Like do I need to be scared she's gonna spill the one or two secrets she has on me? (Thankfully, I have like 29 thousand secrets on her lol). Or do I need to worry she's gonna lose it and cause some big stupid drama in our social circle....

Thank you so much! Been lurking here for days and finally decided to jump in 
-SweetClementine


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## Despotic Nepotist (Mar 1, 2014)

Sounds like an ExFP on steroids, but I don't have enough information to discern Ne vs Se. 

And welcome to the forum!


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## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

Thank you for the reply! What kinds of things can I tell about her that could help distinguish between Ne and Se?


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## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

Bumping and hoping someone can help. Thx!


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## kimpossible119 (May 15, 2014)

I have the exact same problem with a frenemy of mine. She shares a lot (not all) of the same characteristics you listed for your friend. I'm having a hell of a time typing her. ENTP? ENFP? I can't tell. She thinks she's an INTP....I think that's hilarious. There's no way. 

Your friend might be an unhealthy ENFP. One with low self-esteem. It's hard to pinpoint a type with friends like this, especially when they pride themselves on being "independent" and "bluntly honest" (typically "T" traits), while they are actually the opposite (emotional, needy, want constant social validation, etc.), they just don't see it.

You should try to figure out her Enneagram. Maybe that would be a bit easier to determine, and then you could try to figure out her MBTI from that.


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## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

Thanks so much! I've spent a lot of time trying to figure this out and I really think she may be an ESFP. The descriptions fit her to a T, esp the weaknesses. Lol. 

My best friend is a healthy ENFP, and it would be interesting if my frenemy turned out to be one too, albeit an unhealthy version. But I do think ESFP fits her best. Now I know a bit more what to expect...


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## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

Shocker... I had this woman take the test and she is an ENTJ.


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## sometimes (Dec 26, 2013)

She sounds like an ESFP. Sounds very similar to an unhealthy ESFP I used to know. Could also be ENFP just strikes me more as ESFP for some reason.

She could be an unhealthy ENTJ? but a lot of people mistype on those tests. I can imagine that an unhealthy ESFP might end up testing as an ENTJ. I would think an ENTJ would make more of an effort to be contained and not so emotionally expressive?

I'm by no means trying to offer a diagnosis but your description does remind me of some symptoms of histrionic personality disorder. I'm pretty sure the ESFP I knew had HPD as she seemed like the textbook definition. Of course there are many people who do not have a personality disorder but just seem to share certain symptoms to a certain extent or some of the time more than others. Just thought I'd mention but even if you think she fits the histrionic description it doesn't mean she actually has it.


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## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

Sweetclementine said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Frenemy is a strong term  but I have a friend whose personality completely grates on my nerves and I'm feeling the need for some major distance. Problem is she is unhealthy and overdramatic and I have to careful how I proceed as we are in the same social circles and are forced to see each other often.
> 
> ...



Wow! This is awesome! This is probably exactly the way my ISFJ frenemy sees me 
You and I need to talk.


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## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

Sweetclementine said:


> Shocker... I had this woman take the test and she is an ENTJ.



nah.. overly dramatic? making tons of emotional decisions? i say she's an ENTJ wannabe


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## RoseateThorns (May 4, 2015)

ENTJ _is _plausible.


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## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

FluffyTheAnarchist said:


> Wow! This is awesome! This is probably exactly the way my ISFJ frenemy sees me
> You and I need to talk.


Shoot me a PM anytime! LOL


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## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

pippylongstocking said:


> She sounds like an ESFP. Sounds very similar to an unhealthy ESFP I used to know. Could also be ENFP just strikes me more as ESFP for some reason.
> 
> She could be an unhealthy ENTJ? but a lot of people mistype on those tests. I can imagine that an unhealthy ESFP might end up testing as an ENTJ. I would think an ENTJ would make more of an effort to be contained and not so emotionally expressive?
> 
> I'm by no means trying to offer a diagnosis but your description does remind me of some symptoms of histrionic personality disorder. I'm pretty sure the ESFP I knew had HPD as she seemed like the textbook definition. Of course there are many people who do not have a personality disorder but just seem to share certain symptoms to a certain extent or some of the time more than others. Just thought I'd mention but even if you think she fits the histrionic description it doesn't mean she actually has it.


I know a strong ENTJ and based on that I also think if she was one, she would make more of an effort to be contained... agreed.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Sweetclementine said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Frenemy is a strong term  but I have a friend whose personality completely grates on my nerves and I'm feeling the need for some major distance. Problem is she is unhealthy and overdramatic and I have to careful how I proceed as we are in the same social circles and are forced to see each other often.
> 
> ...


that's funny. I have an INFJ co-worker who is exactly like the list above, but even more manipulative and secretively suriptitious. So you're whole "oh which type describes this suckage" is really off. INFJ's are capable of major manipulation, drama and all around suckiness, too.

Call me typist, but how passive aggressive is it of YOU the INFJ to hold onto your feelings of resentment for your "friend" and look for a way to ditch her without being honest or coragous? I have to say, I find your post really despicable. The whole concept of a 'frenemy' to be insiduous, cowardly, macheavallian and utterly disgusting.

You aren't some saint doing her a good one by being her friend if all you really do is disrespect her behind her back. I get it if she sucks and you don't want to be her friend anymore: that's legit, there are no obligations for you to be anyone's friend. But if you do take up the noble mantle that is the title of "Friendship" then do right by your friend and sharpen her rusted iron and tell her that her behavior is a repellent and that you can't stand it and it's driving you away despite your concern and care for her. If you can't be honest with her you BOTH deserve each other because frankly, your whining "frenemy" post is just as manipulative and dramatic as the list you used to describe her. 

So sack up your ladies, be a woman and confront your friend with truth and kindness or conversely own your feels and cut the chords and walk away. Stop doing this whiney, faux-justice/mercy INFJ bullshit. It isn't compassion, you aren't a victim. Nobody but you is making you be this person's friend. Grow up and grow a pair.


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

Probably a mistyped ESFP. The only problem is that ESFPs don't wear their emotions on their sleeves, they're actually VERY aware of personal boundaries, which in your friend's case _could_ point to Fe over Fi. But I guess there are exceptions to everything, or it's possible that you understand her less than you think you do.

I don't see ENTJ even if she tested as that once. If not ESFP, then possibly ESFJ or ENFJ, but you didn't make a big case of her being very good with planning and order, so those two are not that probable. ENFP close second, but don't have much to justify that typing. I don't think an ENFP would as blunt as an ESFP, which goes along with your description.

ESFP, enneagram 3.


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## Sweetclementine (Jul 2, 2015)

sweetraglansweater said:


> that's funny. I have an INFJ co-worker who is exactly like the list above, but even more manipulative and secretively suriptitious. So you're whole "oh which type describes this suckage" is really off. INFJ's are capable of major manipulation, drama and all around suckiness, too.
> 
> Call me typist, but how passive aggressive is it of YOU the INFJ to hold onto your feelings of resentment for your "friend" and look for a way to ditch her without being honest or coragous? I have to say, I find your post really despicable. The whole concept of a 'frenemy' to be insiduous, cowardly, macheavallian and utterly disgusting.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your perspective! I am at peace with my decision and since my original post, have successfully put boundaries in place and gained the distance I felt I needed. We are still peaceful in our social circles and I feel I got my message across gracefully.

I have a lot of things going on in my life, and my emotional energy is limited. To that end, I save my energy only for my close friends and family, and do not like to expend any of it on others outside that circle. If that is manipulative, insidious or cowardly then so be it.


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## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

sweetraglansweater said:


> that's funny. I have an INFJ co-worker who is exactly like the list above, but even more manipulative and secretively suriptitious. So you're whole "oh which type describes this suckage" is really off. INFJ's are capable of major manipulation, drama and all around suckiness, too.
> 
> Call me typist, but how passive aggressive is it of YOU the INFJ to hold onto your feelings of resentment for your "friend" and look for a way to ditch her without being honest or coragous? I have to say, I find your post really despicable. The whole concept of a 'frenemy' to be insiduous, cowardly, macheavallian and utterly disgusting.
> 
> ...


Hey, hey, you are overreacting just a tad, don'T you think? No need to take out your frustrations on Clementine. Your righteous anger and holier-than-thou tone is anything but helpful. While I agree that a face-to-face talk is the best approach to take, it needs to be diplomatic. You can'T just go all apeshit on someone who likes you suspecting nothing, and who remains in your social circle.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Sweetclementine said:


> Hi all,
> 
> 
> She is:
> ...


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## SahiLulu (Apr 9, 2015)

On celebrity types it sais that ENFJs are strongly linked to narcissistic personality disorder and also your discription could fit a ver unhealthy ENFJ as well.


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## Kakorrhaphiophobia (Jun 6, 2015)

This post is probably describing me...lol
Could you offer some insights about her working habits & job & goals etc so I can decide between ENTJ and mistyped ESFP


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