# How do you know you've met "the one"?



## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

Stephen said:


> Illogical. Realistically speaking, with six billion people on the planet, or even just the 300 million that are in the US with you, there are many "perfect" matches for any one person. It's simply a matter of finding them and managing logistics. Therefore, there is no such thing as "the one."


You know at least with this theory the success percentage goes up instead of the 1/(7) billion.


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## Stillwater (Dec 14, 2009)

If one of you farts while you engage in anal sex play, and you both simultaneously laugh, yet right away pick up where you left off...then you've found the one. It's just that simple.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Stephen said:


> So, are you saying that you would feel more comfortable with a more T description of how one might know they've met *the one*?
> 
> *considers*
> 
> Illogical. Realistically speaking, with six billion people on the planet, or even just the 300 million that are in the US with you, there are many "perfect" matches for any one person. It's simply a matter of finding them and managing logistics. Therefore, there is no such thing as "the one."


Actually, I was saying I was not looking for a more T description because I knew already that you'd say that. x3 But someone had to.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Stephen said:


> So, are you saying that you would feel more comfortable with a more T description of how one might know they've met *the one*?
> 
> *considers*
> 
> Illogical. Realistically speaking, with six billion people on the planet, or even just the 300 million that are in the US with you, there are many "perfect" matches for any one person. It's simply a matter of finding them and managing logistics. Therefore, there is no such thing as "the one."


Beautifully written, wish i had wrote it myself ...Totally agree. The only real logical answer for this question is " Love is not a feeling, its a way of life. So the "one"...anyone who believes this in my mind lives in a fantasy world. Its the actions behind the word that make or break a relationship, leading it to this and that one being the " ONE... not the word love itself. We could possibly be in 2 different relationships at the same time and swear both could be the one, giving they both bring what we need to it. I don't believe in "the one", although i do believe there can be one that is enough. That's the logical answer .


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## Lav (Feb 3, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Beautifully written, wish i had wrote it myself ...Totally agree. The only real logical answer for this question is " Love is not a feeling, its a way of life. So the "one"...anyone who believes this in my mind lives in a fantasy world. Its the actions behind the word that make or break a relationship, leading it to this and that one being the " ONE... not the word love itself. We could possibly be in 2 different relationships at the same time and swear both could be the one, giving they both bring what we need to it. I don't believe in "the one", although i do believe there can be one that is enough. That's the logical answer .


I don't agree. I believe that's there a person destined to be to be with you, eventually. What's this hippie thing "Love is not a feeling, its a way of life"? This sounds like you might not be giving appropriate attention to your partners. Even if you want it make it logical: suppose that you could screen the entirety of the human race for a "best fit". You'd probably find one single person that is apt for this role.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

@MuChApArAdOx i totally agree with you.'Love' is just a word,it's how a person interprets it,and relates to their SO that is the most important factor.My husband said he loved me,however his actions totally contradicted my perception of the meaning of the word love.I have only been dating my new SO for a very short time,but when he says he loves me,i am totally convinced that he means it.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

Lav said:


> I don't agree. I believe that's there a person destined to be to be with you, eventually. What's this hippie thing "Love is not a feeling, its a way of life"? This sounds like you might not be giving appropriate attention to your partners. Even if you want it make it logical: suppose that you could screen the entirety of the human race for a "best fit". You'd probably find one single person that is apt for this role.


I respect your belief, but I can't describe it with logic. How would you logically describe the one single person in the world who is the "best fit?" I agree that "love isn't a feeling" doesn't work in my mind logically. Why might hippies say love isn't a feeling? Where do you see evidence her partners are not getting appropriate attention? Why do you think she would probably only find one person who suits her?

Now, even if there is one person in all the world who is "the one," what if they're already married, dead, speaking a language she doesn't know, in a coma, or whatever?


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Lav said:


> I don't agree. I believe that's there a person destined to be to be with you, eventually. What's this hippie thing "Love is not a feeling, its a way of life"? This sounds like you might not be giving appropriate attention to your partners. Even if you want it make it logical: suppose that you could screen the entirety of the human race for a "best fit". You'd probably find one single person that is apt for this role.


 @Lav
That's cool, i didn't write it expecting anyone to agree, that's the beauty of personal opinions. Oh, i probably should have said ' Love is a state of mind " ...silly me, thanks for leading me back to my mistype ...i've had many best fits in my life. I just grew tired of letting them all slip away and finally settled for my one, not my only ; ) Saying there's a person destined for me is like saying there is a person destined for everyone, and we know, that simply isn't true. The bachelors and maidens of the world would tell you different.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Stephen said:


> I respect your belief, but I can't describe it with logic. How would you logically describe the one single person in the world who is the "best fit?" I agree that "love isn't a feeling" doesn't work in my mind logically. Why might hippies say love isn't a feeling? Where do you see evidence her partners are not getting appropriate attention? Why do you think she would probably only find one person who suits her?
> 
> Now, even if there is one person in all the world who is "the one," what if they're already married, dead, speaking a language she doesn't know, in a coma, or whatever?


Hugs- thanks for making sense, again ; -)


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Ozziechick1966 said:


> @MuChApArAdOx i totally agree with you.'Love' is just a word,it's how a person interprets it,and relates to their SO that is the most important factor.My husband said he loved me,however his actions totally contradicted my perception of the meaning of the word love.I have only been dating my new SO for a very short time,but when he says he loves me,i am totally convinced that he means it.


Hi sweetie, nice to see you, its been awhile. I'm so happy you're happy. Just wanted to say keep up whatever your doing, its seems to be making you smile. Enjoy your new SO, give him lots of love too, as i know you do..hugs xo


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## Dupree (Feb 21, 2010)

sarek said:


> You just know, I guess. If you havent met the one yet, its difficult to imagine what such a feeling of certainty is like. But once you do, you instantly recognise the feeling.


People usually say this. You'll just know immediately when you meet the right person. But how come when it's the wrong person it takes two years?


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## Lav (Feb 3, 2011)

Ozziechick1966 said:


> @MuChApArAdOx i totally agree with you.'Love' is just a word,it's how a person interprets it,and relates to their SO that is the most important factor.My husband said he loved me,however his actions totally contradicted my perception of the meaning of the word love.I have only been dating my new SO for a very short time,but when he says he loves me,i am totally convinced that he means it.


I'm sorry to say.. but from what I've read; you might have taken the easy wait out from a situation (I'm referring to this guy who lives across the ocean...).


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## Lav (Feb 3, 2011)

Stephen said:


> I respect your belief, but I can't describe it with logic.
> 
> How would you logically describe the one single person in the world who is the "best fit?" I agree that "love isn't a feeling" doesn't work in my mind logically. Why might hippies say love isn't a feeling?


I've just used intuition. I agree that probably using 'pure logic' some of my statements probably don't make much sense.

I meant that this "free love" thing that is usually associated with hippies. An impersonal form of love, not the same sort of love that should ideally exist between a couple. Her statement sounded similar to that to me.



> Where do you see evidence her partners are not getting appropriate attention? Why do you think she would probably only find one person who suits her?


I'm just using intuition again (in both cases).



> Now, even if there is one person in all the world who is "the one," what if they're already married, dead, speaking a language she doesn't know, in a coma, or whatever?


Too bad I guess. Then the person would have to conform to this fact, or convince themselves otherwise and try to find a replacement.


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## Lav (Feb 3, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> @Lav thanks for leading me back to my mistype


Sorry, I wasn't aware of this. What mistype? HIPP-Fe?



> the bachelors and maidens of the world would tell you different.


What would they tell me?



> I just grew tired of letting them all slip away


"letting them slip away..." what does this mean?



> Saying there's a person destined for me is like saying there is a person destined for everyone, and we know, that simply isn't true.


I might agree with you on this.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

*I meant that this "free love" thing that is usually associated with hippies. An impersonal form of love, not the same sort of love that should ideally exist between a couple. Her statement sounded similar to that to me.*

Well i'm a ENFP, and we're quite eccentric. O.k, so you like to call it hippies Lol. Eccentric people don't fall in a category that you describe, an impersonal kind of love. Actually i see it much differently. I see it as people who are sexual, know who they are , and how to give and receive love that is true, deep and beautiful, certainly not impersonal. I would have gladly lived in the 60 given the chance. Love was much different then, not like much of the superficial love that people claim to be in and out of these days.

Your sig says what is my type. Well i can't tell you what it is, although i can probably tell you a few you're not.
1 ENFP
2 INFP
3 INTJ
4 ENTJ
5 INFJ
Anyhow, we don't speak the same language, and please don't ask " What do you mean"..just take my word for it, we speak completely different languages. I don't sense you having Ne or Ni as a primary function. I can't always relate to people who don't , although there is the off chance, depending on the person. I'm guessing your a sensor of some sort.


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## jwest50 (Apr 16, 2011)

I am not going to sit here and try to explain how you know. The simple fact of the matter is that you can't describe it. At least I can't. You just know. It will be as obvious to you as anything has ever been.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Lav said:


> I'm sorry to say.. but from what I've read; you might have taken the easy wait out from a situation (I'm referring to this guy who lives across the ocean...).


 That's your opinion @Lav and you are entitled to it.I still have a special place in my heart for that other guy 'across the ocean' as you put it.He and i had a long discussion via email,and he wants me to be happy.For me to find someone closer who can give me what i want and need in a relationship is what he had been trying to convey to me all along.He thinks of himself more as a big brother and mentor (he's 4 yrs older than me) than boyfriend/husband material.He has alot to worry about in his own life right now without putting me on his list.If we were to have a relationship it could be years before we even met,as neither of us were in a position to travel overseas to see each other.I don't think i really needed to explain myself to you @Lav,but if i am indeed on the rebound,then it certainly doesn't feel that way to me.I have told my man about my American friend,indeed i have been honest about all of my recent relationships/one night stands,as i don't want any complications later on in our lives together,from keeping secrets from one another.


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## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

I don't know how well I can explain how I knew she was the one but here goes:

I remember feeling this odd sense of comfort with my wife when we finally got around to dating, after talking on the internet, and phone for the better part of a year. Once we met in person, we talked and talked and I laughed so much! I have always adored anyone who could make me laugh. On our second date, which was about 2 months later, I had a feeling that I was suppost to be with her, and needed to have her remain in my life, but I can't explain logically how I knew that I needed to be right where I was, which was at her side. I guess this is when the 'knowing' happened. No logic in it, but assurance that this was 'it'. 

I can remember the exact time I finally realized that I loved her, too. We were in bed one day and when I looked at her, I realized that I had fallen in love with her. It so totally freaked me out, that I got up and left, mumbling some stupid excuse about not feeling well. I went home and didn't even answer the phone that night. 

It actually remained unsaid between us for a while, even though I knew that she was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I still know it now.


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## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

I went back and read the other posts. I do agree that the answers of just knowing is a F answer, as I said, there is no real logic, but just an acceptance that this person makes you feel that you should be together. I believe a T type would have to formulate a list, of what is important and what is not. Then they would have to look for a person to best fill that list. They would have to maybe put a preference on what was the most important, and what was the least important of the list, but I believe that is how they would know they had found a compatable person.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

Love is self defined.

So start by defining it. Then you will "know".


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

killerB said:


> I went back and read the other posts. I do agree that the answers of just knowing is a F answer, as I said, there is no real logic, but just an acceptance that this person makes you feel that you should be together. I believe a T type would have to formulate a list, of what is important and what is not. Then they would have to look for a person to best fill that list. They would have to maybe put a preference on what was the most important, and what was the least important of the list, but I believe that is how they would know they had found a compatable person.


I've been told by a number of people that the best way to find a match is to make a list and then go find someone who matches it.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I'm not married, but I just don't think it's possible for _me_ to truly know. I second-guess stuff and over-analyze to the point of paranoia and I often end up with more questions than answers.


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## StandingTiger (Dec 25, 2010)

You just know.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I'm not married, but I just don't think it's possible for _me_ to truly know. I second-guess stuff and over-analyze to the point of paranoia and I often end up with more questions than answers.


You sound like an enneagram type six. Have you taken that test?


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Stephen said:


> You sound like an enneagram type six. Have you taken that test?


The test on here says I'm a 7w6. I think. I dunno. I usually test as a 4, 5, or 6.... which you probably figured, from reading my signature.... 

I like the idea of being a 6. Sort of. As I just finished explaining to someone else, the whole "stereotype" of the INTP 5 really bugs me. So I often wonder if I repress the 5 because I don't want to fit into the same category as everyone else...?


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> The test on here says I'm a 7w6. I think. I dunno. I usually test as a 4, 5, or 6.... which you probably figured, from reading my signature....
> 
> I like the idea of being a 6. Sort of. As I just finished explaining to someone else, the whole "stereotype" of the INTP 5 really bugs me. So I often wonder if I repress the 5 because I don't want to fit into the same category as everyone else...?


Don't take my statement as solid fact. I just know, as a 6w7 myself, that a key trait of the type six (which, mind you, can be other types as well) is the doubting as you described. The only one who can type you is yourself. When you read the descriptions of the 7w6 does it fit you? I have two close friends who are 7w6, actually.


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## IncredibleMouse (Jul 20, 2010)

My needs are met, we never fight, I'm left alone without worry or jealousy, I'm listened to even if I'm babbling on about something boring, I'm cared for when I'm sick and when I'm well, I'm respected, I'm accepted even when I'm weird, and my dumb jokes are laughed at. I truly feel loved, and I truly love.

There may be many others out there who might have been right for me. I might not be with the only one who makes me happy. But this one is so much more than I could ever have imagined for me. It's been this way ever single day for 16 years (I'm not joking). This one is the one.

I didn't realize it immediately. Not for the first 3 months. Then one day we were involved in a pretty bad traffic accident. Separated, we ran through the middle of the highway median into each others arms. There was nothing else in the world, at that moment, aside from each other. Right out of a love story novel, I knew instantly. Sappy, but true.

Edit: I've often dwelled on my failures in life, and I doubt I'll ever be rich. I always remember though, I'm probably more rich in love than a lot of others. I suppose I got lucky, since I can't imagine I ever deserved someone like my ISFJ.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

IncredibleMouse said:


> My needs are met, we never fight, I'm left alone without worry or jealousy, I'm listened to even if I'm babbling on about something boring, I'm cared for when I'm sick and when I'm well, I'm respected, I'm accepted even when I'm weird, and my dumb jokes are laughed at. I truly feel loved, and I truly love.
> 
> There may be many others out there who might have been right for me. I might not be with the only one who makes me happy. But this one is so much more than I could ever have imagined for me. It's been this way ever single day for 16 years (I'm not joking). This one is the one.
> 
> ...


That was beautiful, Mouse. I'm so happy for you two!


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## Intense (Mar 15, 2011)

For me, I think it is when you have no doubt left in your mind.

I'm divorced and I thought my ex-husband was the one and I was just having second thoughts. Even up to my wedding day I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe it wasn't right. I thought it was just normal. Years later I work out that the feeling was right all along.

You have worked out that you can make it work for the rest of your lives?


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## abster (Feb 9, 2011)

I have no idea if there is such thing as 'the one'. 
For me 'the one' would be the person who can put up with me the longest, my strengths and weaknesses and worts and all.


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## Dizzle (Sep 4, 2010)

This is a great thread!


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

abster said:


> I have no idea if there is such thing as 'the one'.
> For me 'the one' would be the person who can put up with me the longest, my strengths and weaknesses and worts and all.


I can't see it being about _putting up with_ each other for me. More like _embracing_ the quirks. :happy: That's what I consider love.


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## dizzygirl (Dec 19, 2009)

There's just a certain balance in everything. and not a moment of doubt regarding the fact that he's supposed to be with you. It's absolute. That's how it feels like to me. Feels like that's how it'd be. i just _know_ this. it's like a preconceived notion but more like a feeling that took birth because i had felt it in some previous lifetime.... :mellow:


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## Napoleptic (Oct 29, 2010)

Dupree said:


> People usually say this. You'll just know immediately when you meet the right person. But how come when it's the wrong person it takes two years?


If you knew this, you'd be the richest man in the world. :laughing:

Which reminds me, has anyone seen the movie _Timer_? It's not mind-blowing or anything, but it does address the OP's topic in an interesting way.


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## femalegamer (Nov 2, 2010)

I am in the process of ending a marriage of ten years. Reasons I thought that he was the one (or I wouldn't have married him): extreme congruence of interests, enjoyed spending time together very very much, that sort of thing.

I am slightly embarrassed to say that I am in the process of beginning a new relationship. I am trying to be cautious, but this is someone who was a casual friend of five years that I began talking to a great deal some months ago. I once mentioned on the 'might be an intj' thread someone whom I couldn't keep my brain off of and vice versa; this is that man, and while I was in denial up until my soon to be ex filed the papers, I agree with his description: resisting our attraction to each other has been like resisting gravity. It doesn't just feel like we belong together, it feels like there was some part of us that has always been together, waiting for the moment we actually realized it. He's an INFJ to my INTJ, and our conversations effortlessly jump around, we understand what the other is trying to say in a way I've never experienced before. We are willing to trust each other, already, with dark secrets and inner darknesses, as well as tiny joys and odd beauty. He makes me wax poetic and, as I said, I'm an *INTJ*.

It's a relationship that has so much rightness in it that it scares me.


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## zelder (Apr 17, 2011)

The primary reasons I married my wife are

1) I wanted to get married so I was searching and ready to do it
2) I could talk to her forever and really enjoyed being with her
3) She is attractive
4) We shared the same beliefs and values, we both wanted a family

Its been 10 years of great marriage and I have no regrets. Marriage is romantic but I also approach it very pragmaticlly. Again, I have no regrets but I think there are thousands of women I could have married and been happy with any of them. I married the right person at the right time, if I had waited to marry somone else I would have only been postponing the happiness that I have found in marriage.


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## abster (Feb 9, 2011)

Stephen said:


> I can't see it being about _putting up with_ each other for me. More like _embracing_ the quirks. :happy: That's what I consider love.


true Stephen, that is a nicer way of putting it. My SO and i always joke tho that if we do stick together for the rest of our lives we'll have to put up with each others quirks , weird habits and weaknesss. Like he has to put up with my OCD tendencies in double checking everthing is fine and spotless, he always tells me dust does not exist in my apartment and to relax and stop cleaning too much that he would sit me down and tell me to be lazy and watch tv. On the other hand i have to put up with him unable to plan anything or trying to fit in too many plans in one day that he does not know where to start sometimes. So i always end up doing the organizing.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

for anyone who watches how i met your mother i like the love solutions theme that everyone is a percentage match for each other.. whenever i meet a girl i'm attracted to i KNOW almost straight away exactly how much i like them and how compatible we are- and when i get to know them it just proves itself to me.. so if i think about it i've met one standout 90% and an 80% and a few in the 60-70%s (say 60% is the minimum to feel attracted to someone) so in my mind i've already met at least one person who if we'd met differently (and as someone said logistics were different) might've been good enough- and it's just a case of waiting for someone who's a 95% because i'll know then that that person is the one. i can't imagine someone could be a 100%- but as an ENFP if i were to fall for someone in the 90%s they would seem 100% anyway.


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