# Calling After Sex



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

So you finally have sex with a person. How long do you wait to call the other person afterwards? Is there a difference between how men or women handle the phone call afterwards? Guys, after the woman leaves do you remember to call her the next day and say "I had a nice time" regardless if you want to have a full blown relationship or not? Women do you expect this phone call? Men do you expect a phone call? 

For those of you who wait awhile to call and talk after sex, what's up with that? If it's your partner you've been with a while but this is the first time you've had sex with each other does it make things worse if they don't call the day after sex? Do you feel more vulnerable. 

Anyone have any experience of a partner taking to long to call after sex?


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## Orbrial (Feb 27, 2010)

ok.. I'm sorry... I have to vent for a second here.. This topic just touches on something I personally don't get..
Someone has sex with someone else.. which to me is *the* most emotionally personal thing you can do with another human being... and then they hesitate to call the other person.. or wait to call.. or don't call at all??? WTF???! :angry: I get that there is such a thing as just having sex with someone.. which is entirely different from making love with someone.. but still.. even having sex is still (to me) deeply personal..
Ok... I can excuse casual sexual encounters where someone maybe wakes up the next morning and doesn't know who they're in bed with.. or how they got there... (which in my own mind (to me personally), has got to be just absolutely terrifying).. but still.. seriously.. other than that... man/woman up.. and call!!! :tongue:


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

If I had sex with them, it's almost certain that I would have been with them for a while so I would probably call the next day or something. I don't see any reason not to, especially if they wanted me to call them the next day.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

Do we have a history together (More than six hours of history)? 
Do we have anything to talk about besides "What happened last night"?

That's what it depends on, 
whether it was a one night stand or if we know eachother. 

If it feels like we know eachother then why wouldn't I call back? It
would be like calling a friend.

But then again, why would I fuck a stranger I've never met before?
I don't deliborately put myself in dumb positions like that. I learn from 
my mistakes, once is enough. Well, ok, two times is enough... sorry,
I'm a slow learner.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

That scenario is reversed order from how things work for me and/or in my book :mellow:

Practically, I don't see why either party should be awkward, you already seen each other naked, so who cares who call whom when first?


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Yeah... I don't really call or text back, they tend to and if they don't I'm not too butt hurt about it.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Usually if I have sex with someone, it means that I am already living with him, and have been for quite a while. It means that I have known him long enough to feel completely comfortable with him in every possible way. It means that there is already a sufficient level of intimacy to make calling each other normal. This question would never come up, because by the time I am willing to have sex with someone, there would be no remaining anxiety over trivial social expectations.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

skycloud86 said:


> If I had sex with them, it's almost certain that I would have been with them for a while so I would probably call the next day or something. I don't see any reason not to, especially if they wanted me to call them the next day.





MikeAngell said:


> Do we have a history together (More than six hours of history)?
> Do we have anything to talk about besides "What happened last night"?
> 
> That's what it depends on,
> ...


Seriously? Even if you don't want a relationship and it was a one night stand, you wouldn't send at least a text to say "Hey, I had a nice time last night. Thank you." I find this gesture is at least respectful towards the other person. If a person is good enough to sleep with, I would figure they are worthy of some respect afterwards as a person. This could be why only adults should be having sex in the first place: mutual respect.

Just because you don't really know a person, doesn't mean you should treat them with any less respect. And if you went against your standards about not having a one night stand, that doesn't mean the other person needs to punished for your turmoil. I'm just talking about treating people as humans. Holy crap, you were just naked together. Be mature enough to at least give an appreciative text. It doesn't have to say "I love you."


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

I see where you're coming from, but if I'm having a one night stand, that person is my tool for the night, which is one reason I don't send texts. Unless they were cool and I plan being friends with them after, I really have no reason to speak to them.

I owe them nothing, they owe me nothing.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I wouldn't even have had her number. 

And if I did, I wouldn't have had the guts to call her. 

It has nothing to do with showing respect. And even if it were about showing respect then _I'm_ under no obligation, nor do I "owe" _her_ respect. 

Why should _I_ call her? Why can't _she _call me? Same shit - different phone IMO.

Just because I'm the one with the cock and balls (or not, if you want to go there) I'm the one who have to pick up the phone? 

And what would I tell her anyway? Say "Thanks for sleeping with me," what? Did she do _me_ a favor or something?

Just saying. 

I don't do one night stands.

If I knew this girl however, like I said, it would be very different. I'd probably call her or send her a message as soon as I could pick up my phone.


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## Voici Claire (Aug 10, 2010)

i'm a pretty honest person and i'm honest with my intentions and what i want. i'd rather have the person stay in my house and make them breakfast the next day etc. 

i never really was in a situation where we had sex then the person left me in a situation where i'd have to text them and tell them if i had a good time or whatever.

if they leave my house early or when they're going home i usually text them if i'm bored or if i want to see them again, especially if we're in a relationship. like i normally would whether we had sex or not.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Monte said:


> I see where you're coming from, but if I'm having a one night stand, that person is my tool for the night, which is one reason I don't send texts. Unless they were cool and I plan being friends with them after, I really have no reason to speak to them.
> 
> I owe them nothing, they owe me nothing.


I agree. No one owes anyone anything. 

And I'll go a step further. The person wouldn't be your "tool" necessarily during a one night stand. No one gets played as long as the both of you got off. (Yes, I speak Playuh :wink However, I'm just suggesting a mutual respect of "hey I had fun" afterwards. It doesn't mean you have to develop a friendship. I mean hell, I hold doors open for strangers because I respect them as individuals but I don't really want to develop a friendship.

I think traditionally and very often women have waited for the the phone call never received (there are men,too of course). So I can understand if some have come not to expect a phone call (or don't' want one) out of emotional self protection. However, I think of it this way: If I had a mutual lunch with a person and we each paid for our own half, it would be nice to say "had a great time" afterwards. Instead of acting like I never had the interaction and having to hide from the other person if I ever saw them while you were out. 

If btw, you have slept with someone and don't care to hear from them again, would it be difficult to see them again on accident? Especially since the last time you talked or saw each other you were naked?


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I think that when they don't give the day after, 'lets touch base' courtesy call, they are trying to create distance. 

After an intimate encounter, your energies have mingled, and then you decide to take the next step and contact them, say something sweet, and strengthen that bond - or you say nothing for a while, and casually let it cool off. 

That said, I think that the next day is proper. It also doesn't leave the other person wondering where they stand. Its reassuring. Its a way of letting them know that the bond is a real thing.. not just a steamy one-night illusion to be forgotten. 

Waiting too long will let the other person's anxiety rise for a while, until it reaches a peak where they start to come down, feeling numb, desensitized, and cold - and then somewhere in their subconscious, you start to become an asshole even if you can explain your actions rationally. "I didn't call for a few days cause I was busy." That won't change the association they have made between you, and the feeling of stress - and you are now a source of stress. It will take a while to undo that, and have them make a more positive association. So, I say don't fuck up in the first place. Pick up the phone and call them the next day if you want to hang onto them. xD


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

This thread totally reminded me of this song:


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## Isis (Jul 8, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> So you finally have sex with a person. How long do you wait to call the other person afterwards? Is there a difference between how men or women handle the phone call afterwards? Guys, after the woman leaves do you remember to call her the next day and say "I had a nice time" regardless if you want to have a full blown relationship or not? Women do you expect this phone call? Men do you expect a phone call?


Having sex one of the spots where your commitmentphobic person will freak out and scamper into the underbrush, so if he doesn't call, he's not worth the angst. Or perhaps he just wasn't that into it and is frightened that any outreach will obligate him further.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> Seriously? Even if you don't want a relationship and it was a one night stand, you wouldn't send at least a text to say "Hey, I had a nice time last night. Thank you." I find this gesture is at least respectful towards the other person. If a person is good enough to sleep with, I would figure they are worthy of some respect afterwards as a person. This could be why only adults should be having sex in the first place: mutual respect.
> 
> Just because you don't really know a person, doesn't mean you should treat them with any less respect. And if you went against your standards about not having a one night stand, that doesn't mean the other person needs to punished for your turmoil. I'm just talking about treating people as humans. Holy crap, you were just naked together. Be mature enough to at least give an appreciative text. It doesn't have to say "I love you."


I would much rather not have one night stands, but if I did of course I would call them the next day. It just would be very rare for me to have a one night stand.


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## The Unseen (Oct 26, 2010)

I usually wait at least 2 days to call or text if it's someone I'd want to see again. I don't want to come across as clingy, so I wait. If the experience was horrible, then no, I won't usually or text them at all.


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## Codger (Aug 7, 2010)

I'll usually give someone a call the next day, and if I enjoyed it then I'll call back again in a few days. Doesn't hurt to be polite regardless of how it was.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> So you finally have sex with a person. How long do you wait to call the other person afterwards? Is there a difference between how men or women handle the phone call afterwards? Guys, after the woman leaves do you remember to call her the next day and say "I had a nice time" regardless if you want to have a full blown relationship or not? Women do you expect this phone call? Men do you expect a phone call?
> 
> For those of you who wait awhile to call and talk after sex, what's up with that? If it's your partner you've been with a while but this is the first time you've had sex with each other does it make things worse if they don't call the day after sex? Do you feel more vulnerable.
> 
> Anyone have any experience of a partner taking to long to call after sex?


I've found that a woman secretly evaluates you after sex, as to whether or not they will be having sex with you again. Some things they evaluate you on:

1. If you were good in bed.
2. If you were generous in bed.
3. Many want after play after sex and want you to cuddle with them and just tell them how beautiful they are after fucking them,how wonderful they are, and how much they mean to you. If you do not do this, many women will feel dissappointmented, unappreciated, and feel like they have been used like a piece of meat.
4. Many DO in fact want a call the very next day, to let them know just how much the sex meant to you. Plus, they want a call to let you know that sex brought you closer to them, and once again that they aren't just a piece of meat.

(Keep in mind that the rules change when it comes to casual sex and one night stands vs. committed relationships. However, rules one and two almost remain constant. )


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

The best players have their flings wanting to sleep with them again. The shittiest players fuck up.


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## Medea (Jun 5, 2010)

I'd call if I really liked the guy. I usually wait for the other person to call simply because I tend to BE the one who calls first. 
Usually I like to be dating the guy first, but any time it hasn't been so, they've been good friends so it wasn't all that awkward.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> The best players have their flings wanting to sleep with them again. The shittiest players fuck up.


Bingo on that one.


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