# Psychologist/Psychiatrist waste of time and money (for me)



## UnrequitedMind (Feb 2, 2013)

The first thing I want to ask of anyone who plans to read this, or comment on it, is to please step outside your self and analyze what I'm saying and why I am saying it. I'm not asking for you to agree with anything I'm saying, but I at least want to be understood, if someone is going to reply, because this is becoming a serious matter for me, and this is the first time I have ever posted anything like this online.

The second thing is it might be hard to understand me, one because it may not all come out completely coherent, and two, because the individual reading is not interested enough, meaning their give a fuck bar is low, so proper analysis from a detached understanding (not agreeing) point of view is skewed. 

I have been contemplating seeing a psychologist, but I'm also not a fool, I'm aware of protocol they must follow, and I'm aware that any real change must come from me, within the confines and limitations of my reality. I honestly feel as though I have already seen a psychologist simply by thinking of all the possibilities related to reality in general, but part of this is a healthy process and the other part is unhealthy because reality is something I don't feel that I need to pay someone and give my time to, to alert me of things I have already contemplated, things that I already know.

I feel that much of my problems even psychologically speaking, would be summarized by pointing fingers saying " deal with it ". These pointing fingers would continue to point out their logic and reasoning as to why I am just a whining baby, and there are starving kids in such and such grid location on the planet, and these people never received love as a child, but they seem to be doing okay, do you want someone to hand you success for free?

I wrote the above paragraph this way on purpose, to let anyone still reading know, that I'm completely aware of that dynamic. Much of my psychological distress has to do with Life(Birth)----------------(Death). Before I die, I will begin to age and potentially experience health problems long before the end of the road. I feel that my experiences up until this point have not been sufficient, and I don't think that simply perspective shifting, or simply seeing the glass as half full, is going to change any of those future experiences. Because of this, my focus has turned outward in a negative fashion to other people, that have it good. 

I can view and see many of the reasons why this is so. I understand clearly " The Beautiful, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly " I see how many unfortunate souls end up spending their lives, never getting to experience what others have experienced. 

What I need you to take from this, even if I haven't stated it all, is that I have most definitely viewed accurately the details of many other lives out their. I can see who is in heaven and who is in hell, so to speak.

The reason I don't want to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, is because they are not going to help me. Any voice I could share with someone about my thoughts and feelings, will not provide results.

My situation emotionally, financially, based in reality, is not going to change, because I opened up to someone with a note pad, that asked me to sit on a leather couch, and that is waiting to report me, if they believe I might be a harm to others, in this " peaceful society " that we live in.

The truth is I have begun developing a hatred for other people, that was never there before, it was non existent, or it was pushed down. The strong realization of death and old age before that, is what has created this phoenix inside of me that is burning, and his purpose or message, is anger at those that have love and peace of mind, and that have reached a place of contentment in life.

I feel that all these things are going to pass me by, because I see what many sad souls have become and how many are still lying to them selves, not realizing they are in hell every day, and I know they are, I am not confused. I am not saying it's everyone, but they really don't seem to understand things they are missing on, things that others are experiencing that they will most likely never get to experience that way. They are aging out and dying, but they must carry on, because it's all they have, and I'm going to become one of them.

I won't allow my self to grow old this way, this frustration is messing with my normally peaceful personality, I feel that my feelings of wanting to harm external examples of happiness is a form of expression, I feel that me not wanting to share this and being an idiot for doing so now, is because I'm opening my self up to judgment for people that won't even be at my funeral. For someone to report me for a psychological evaluation, that will in no way help me, and at best get me in a file, that doesn't belong to anyone, just a tag, barring an individual from the right to bear arms, or the right to work certain jobs. Is this making sense?

I won't continue to grow older with non biological distractions, while watching others get what they want out of life. If all I have left is taking that away from other people, I don't see why people think that is classified as needing mental health? 

Some of these people have gotten nothing out of life, absolutely nothing, and first sign of frustration, leads to even more problems. " Don't disturb the beautiful/happy people "

There is nothing a psychologist or psychiatrist can do to help me.

This isn't just about me either, I get to view many other people, that will never get what they want from life. That lie to themselves, or in the fading days of the business week, are just doing what they have to do to get by. Lying to them selves, or not having a strong enough Ni to figure out whats really going on until it's to late. Until your youth has faded and you realize you are just another sucker. That no psychologist, no priest, no one is able to save you from this hell, except for your self, and even that might not be possible. Because you can perspective shift, if you let it work, but sometimes even that and meditation is crap, because it will not give you back your lost experiences, it will not give you back your shitty youth, all it will do is give you a fabricated peace of mind, so that you don't manifest more hell, so that you become " content " with your shitty lot in life, just like so many have.

I realize this has turned into a rant, but if anyone reading this thinks I'm foolish, I can assure you that I am and that I'm not at the same time. I see the possibilities @ the end of the road for my self and many people, I see where this is all going.

I see multiple realities, within realities just fine, I see my own reality, the thing is, I don't want to deal with it, and I'm aware there is no " real help " out there. I am essentially alone. I possess this beating heart, I got my lunch box, my shoes are tied, time to go out and show the world what I'm made of, what I can do for you!

What services can I provide to the walking dead, perhaps I can work in a cemetery or a morgue, oh there are all sorts of services we must fulfill while we are still capable of breathing air on this floating rock.

Don't let what others have inherited or worked for, cause you frustration, because if you act on it, you will just end up in prison. All is not fair in love and war, if you have a problem with this, it is most likely illegal or about to be illegal. 

Find peace in your non biological distractions. Find peace in your screen. Talk to a trained mental health professional that happens to still be alive, perspective shift by all means, meditate. 

The only thing a psychologist can really tell me, is that this game is real, and that I will die someday, and that I must play the cards I have been dealt, and that if I'm not happy with this, and I want to harm others, that she must by law, report me to someone, who's intention is not to make my life any better, unless you consider me not ending up in prison to be better, then I guess how awesome, then they can release me back into the cruel world, with less money and a new case file for all public eyes to see if they want. 

Yes seeing a mental health professional, will have me ready to go out and grab the world by the tail and start winning in this big competitive game of who can stack the most money, and mate with all the pretty ones.


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## NurseCat (Jan 20, 2015)

I'm with ya


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## UnrequitedMind (Feb 2, 2013)

Dude, you just made me laugh very hard for about 20 seconds, the name and the post, the avatar. Haha. Thank You so much lol.


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## Doktorin Zylinder (May 10, 2015)

Your post drips with pain and you have managed to squeeze blood from the rock. I understand the foundation of your dilemma, but it seems you are between a rock and a hard place and the rock is slippery with the blood you've managed to draw forth. I have no advice other than to say that entropy will have its way with you. It all depends on where you land.


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## imaphoenix (Sep 11, 2012)

I Hate Therapists said:


> I'm with ya






UnrequitedMind said:


> Dude, you just made me laugh very hard for about 20 seconds, the name and the post, the avatar. Haha. Thank You so much lol.


Yes I about died laughing too! Perfect.

I think that is just what you need too, my brother - to laugh. I identify a lot with what you said and how you feel anger and frustration at "the happy ones". I have the same (daily) struggle. It creates a bundle of negative energy which I too struggle to place somewhere productive so that I do not erupt and really harm people. I do think about harming people, but in the end I know (I hope) that I never can do it, I always try to find a way out. Mainly it is a miserable existence, but sometimes there is a little happiness and that is what creates hope. 

Laugh, I know that made you feel better


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

I agree that seeing a psychologist isn't necessarily the ultimate cure for all things psychological, and it isn't always helpful. I'm actually studying psychology to become a therapist, and though many in the field like to claim that everyone should go into therapy, I understand completely that realistically not everyone is going to benefit from it. Some individuals will find it very helpful, some will not. I myself have found therapy unhelpful for me.

You sound a bit like me in that you don't want to simply change your perspective and feel better about your life, you want to actually _have _a better life. Things like positive thinking, meditation, mindfulness, trying to feel happy, etc. will likely be useless for you because they will seem like meaningless illusions. 

One option I can suggest then is to focus simply on doing what you want. Life can seem frustrating and pointless when we're just floating in empty space and not pulled toward anything of interest. Perhaps there's no need to change your perspective at all because perhaps there is nothing wrong with it. Doing more of what you want and what interests you might add a layer of meaning to life, or something like that. Even if it doesn't, well you already want to do what you want even without any added bonus, I'd assume.


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## Syvelocin (Apr 4, 2014)

I'd try actually seeing one or five before coming to a conclusion like that. I doubt whatever you think you know is substitute for a doctorate in psychology. I was a stubborn kid who refused to actually apply anything I was taught in hospitals and therapy for ages. I was like, "fix me, fix me," and then I sat in the corner and crossed my arms. Most threw resources at me like dodge balls and I was being my typical teen self at the time and dodging them all before resuming my whining. I grew up and started thinking about what the terrible men in the psych ward who obviously had no idea what they were talking about had said to me and figured I'd apply it. What do you know, some of it actually has a point. I'm still depressed as heck but that's likely a fact of my life having acquired bipolar II genetically. It's the hand I got dealt with, and it's the only one I get. Psychologists aren't fairy godmothers, no. There are tons of things in your life you can't change. But you'd really rather feel this bad about your situation on top of having a life you're not happy with? Yeah, what you can't change you'll need to deal with, but I just can't understand for the life of me not even giving anything a try if it sucks that much.


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## UnrequitedMind (Feb 2, 2013)

I wrote this while feeling very unhealthy. I promise when I say this wasn't always so. Somewhere around 2-3 months ago, my outlook on things started slowly changing because of external events. I have been becoming more pessimistic, but what bothers me the most, is realizing there is much truth in the negative thought patterns I have been experiencing. It actually started from things outside my self, that got me thinking, and then that got my feeling. I did not enjoy the realizations, thoughts or feelings, and I considered going to talk to someone about this, because I don't want people in my personal life to be affected by my hidden mental state. I'm just becoming extremely upset with reality, not just my own. I thought maybe if I talked to a professional, they could give me insight and help or possibly happy pills. I don't want to get on medication, especially if I will become dependent, but at this point it would be nice.

My life isn't horrible either, but I have been out of character a bit, it's starting to seep through and people are asking if anything is wrong with me. I shared with a few close friends, but I think it will only serve to damage what they think of me, and possible spread some sort of negative psychic muck over to them, and they don't need to catch my current mental hell. Not that I think the members of Personality Cafe do either, it's just I have to dump some of this somewhere.

I'm still considering seeing a psychologist and then a psychiatrist.
I am not accurately diagnosing my self but the symptoms I have displayed in the past have been of this nature.
Borderline Personality Disorder (This doesn't seem to be present in me all the time, as though it's lying dormant in my personality until a situation triggers BPD like symptoms...)
Schizoid Personality Disorder (Covert Schizoid)
Depression but not chronic, and not static, probably subjectively normal to be honest.

I feel like some of this is natural and is there for good reason, like situations have happened in my life, and it is deemed a personality disorder. Abandonment seems like a natural fear for me, because of things I experienced in youth. If there are levels to BPD which I'm sure there is, I would say that mine is a lower degree. It sort of creeps up, and then I suppose it's how I deal with it, which has never been extreme in the past, but I did at least, succeed in pushing some people away.

You could say that I can never trigger it by not getting to close, but I value close relationships. I am not a controlling person at all. I think it's related to fear. Fear of hypothetical situations, that are connected to abandonment. I'm not a type 6 by the way. This isn't a problem if I don't allow people to become to close, but it's contradictory because I value close relationships. I see that you are an Enneagram 4 and Sx is your first instinct, so I think you understand what I mean there. 

Am I supposed to train my mind to never feel attached to anything or anyone, something of that nature. I suppose I can suppress feelings and hide it from others, but that never seems to work. 

I have never attempted suicide or inflicted self harm. I will say though, that I'm pretty certain I'm the type that wouldn't want others to know, and that wouldn't fear doing it, If I felt it was the most acceptable escape from reality or the hell that I allowed my self to become apart of.

What I mentioned in the OP about harming others, is not something that is in my character to do, In youth I never had these thoughts, if I did they were suppressed for peace of mind, washed away. Envy, Jealousy, Pessimism, is relatively new, and I'm pinpointing down a lot of why I allowed this to happen, and I'm doing the best I can to be honest with my self.

INFJ 9w1 4w5 5w4 sx/sp.

If you have any advice, I'm willing to listen, if you don't no harm, thanks for responding.
(Please don't think this attention seeking, I believe much of the information I shared is accurate, or at least close to the mark.)


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## UnrequitedMind (Feb 2, 2013)

There is no delete option. Please see below, my apologies.


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## UnrequitedMind (Feb 2, 2013)

Doktorin Zylinder said:


> Your post drips with pain and you have managed to squeeze blood from the rock. I understand the foundation of your dilemma, but it seems you are between a rock and a hard place and the rock is slippery with the blood you've managed to draw forth. I have no advice other than to say that entropy will have its way with you. It all depends on where you land.


Someone told me about 2 months ago, that the true goal of collective humanity(consciousness) is to reduce the entropy. He also said that individuals who increase the entropy to much over multiple life times, might have their individuated unit of consciousness deleted.

What's interesting is I don't know if the term " this lifetime " is pointing to the different lives we live in one lifetime, or if they are actually talking about reincarnated lives.

I like to think the joke of this topic, is that the multiple lifetimes, are actually all taking place in the same body. That his meaning of having your IUOC deleted, by the collective consciousness, is simply a reference to someone who has increased the entropy to much, and is on death row for example. 

You could say that one of my past lives was when I lived in California, but when I moved to another state, I began a new life, with new people, seasons and chapters, etc.

What do you think?

I would not allow them to delete my IUOC from increasing entropy. I would already be doing that for them. I would want the entropy to be increased so much from one act, that it would spread to other minds affected by it, in hopes that they would be driven to increase the entropy as well. If possible, the true reasons would be displayed on the media, awakening specific others from their coma and to realize why such actions were taken, hopefully causing them to increase the entropy as well.

What I just shared in the above paragraph, isn't how I really feel, but in the back of my mind, something tells me that this would actually be a good thing, even though it seems a bad thing at first. 

I wish people would allow science to take over births completely. I also wish we could then shorten the divide in subjective equality. Those 2 things would reduce entropy.

Do you think that sometimes you have to increase entropy, to reduce it? lol
Make a mess, to clean a mess?

Well my rant is over.


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## Syvelocin (Apr 4, 2014)

Schizoid is very different from depression, even though some criteria seems similar to some things experienced in depression. Think of the words, mood and personality. Your mood is temporary state of mind lasting a short period of time, while your personality is a lot more "permanent." Just add "disorder" to the two words, which implies an abnormal state (of personality or mood in this case) that causes significant difficulty to functioning. PDs are generally constants, MDs are a lot more changing and can fade in and out. An INFJ type 9 with SPD is an oxymoron.  But I'm not qualified to diagnose, I've just always had an interest..

Oh yeah. I often feel crazy how much I push people away when meaningful, intimate connections are what I thrive on. It doesn't make a ton of sense to me. Fear is a very likely cause of this I'd imagine. I've always related that a bit with my Si though as well. I tend to both fear what ifs and hypotheticals as well, but also when I have a negative past experience I avoid entering that situation again in fear that the same thing will happen. For me, it's a matter of learning to trust people again to get that close to me.

I don't know too much to respond with to this other than you sound like you're in a slightly better mental state than at the time of creating the thread. I can always give advice on specific questions. But I think seeing someone would be a good idea right now and I hope you continue to consider it.


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## UnrequitedMind (Feb 2, 2013)

*The 'secret schizoid'*

Many fundamentally schizoid individuals display an engaging, interactive personality that contradicts the observable characteristic emphasized by the DSM-IV and ICD-10 definitions of the schizoid personality. Klein classifies these individuals as "secret schizoids", who present themselves as socially available, interested, engaged and involved in interacting yet remain emotionally withdrawn and sequestered within the safety of the internal world.
Withdrawal or detachment from the outer world is a characteristic feature of schizoid pathology, but may appear either in "classic" or in "secret" form. When classic, it matches the typical description of the schizoid personality offered in the DSM-IV. It is however "just as often" a hidden internal state: that which meets the objective eye may not match the subjective, internal world of the patient. Klein therefore cautions that one should not miss identifying the schizoid patient because one cannot see the patient's withdrawal through the patient's defensive, compensatory interaction with external reality. He suggests that one need only ask the patient what his or her subjective experience is in order to detect the presence of the schizoid refusal of emotional intimacy.
Descriptions of the schizoid personality as "hidden" behind an outward appearance of emotional engagement have been recognized as far back as 1940 with Fairbairn's description of "schizoid exhibitionism," in which the schizoid individual is able to express a great deal of feeling and to make what appear to be impressive social contacts yet in reality gives nothing and loses nothing. Because he is only "playing a part," his own personality is not involved. According to Fairbairn, _the person_ disowns the part which he is playing and thus the schizoid individual seeks to preserve his own personality intact and immune from compromise."

I'm very selective about who I open up to emotionally, but that is not how it is perceived by most. Extroverted Feeling is able to fool most on the surface level, it is genuine to an extent and believably so, there is no fear of abandonment from people I have not opened up to, or that for whatever reason, an emotional connection is not desired. It is usually others opening up to me, and not even realizing for long periods of time, that I have not done the same.

There seems to be some sort of connection with the lower levels of 9-6 & 1-4 going on heavily for me.
Fear of abandonment, fear of being overlooked, fear of being judged as corrupt/evil, fear of having no identity.

I think the secret schizoid is more accurate than BPD.

I don't actually think I have BPD, I just think at times, I have displayed *heavily* BPD like symptoms. Someone told me it was being in the grip of Se before or displaying characteristics of an unhealthy ESTP so to speak.
I believe I understand the cause for some of this stemming back to youth, and how that is projected out into future situations.
I also understand acceptable behavior while experiencing these thoughts/emotions but it can be hard to shake it, especially when much of it is Ni/Fe informing me. It really becomes a matter of if I'm thinking about it properly, or if I am distorting my perceptions and thoughts from over thinking and manifesting that into reality. They usually aren't triggered for no reason, and I think I'm often right, I think I just need to develop thick emotional skin or something of that nature, and grow up. If something is dead, let it die, don't try to give it CPR or fear losing it, when all the signs point to it being dead already.

I don't understand how ISTP's can be that way, I think ISTP can be good for growth, but are also damaging.
It's like they don't feel anything at all.

One thing I can say for sure, I am an INFJ. Ni-Fe-Ti-Se is accurate. I am 9w1 sx/sp as well, but there is so much going on besides just that. I have been more focused on Fi than Fe. If anything a lot of my problems are happening because I'm starting to hate and loathe using Fe anymore, and I feel stuck in negative Fi/Ne.

(Pessimistic Perceptions/Possibilities, the glass is half empty, negative internal feelings, you don't wana know how I feel!!)

I feel like I'm in a stage that many (not all) XNFP's go through when they are much younger, because I feel like everyone else can go to hell, and what matters is how I feel, but then it fluctuates in and out, as If I can't just get a grip on my self, or at least fall back in to common coping mechanisms that always worked in the past.


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## user03 (Oct 30, 2015)

an INFJ type 9 with SPD is NOT an oxymoron. if you were looking at the typical SPD criteria which is mostly overt traits, then maybe, but the op mentioned the covert type which is apparently quite different, and most people don't seem to truly fit the covert type which is ironic, because from my own research and understanding, it should be more common, i made a thread earlier on this which i claimed that covert schizoid pd is more common and MORE impairing but not as common on the forums, but only one person replied, relating to parts of the disorder, but obviously not having it, not surprisingly, the user was an INTP and related to pretty much all the overt traits, but then again, he wasn't one to have the disorder, im interested in people that have it, suspect they may have it or got professionally diagnosed with it.


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

I agree, especially when people like me will fix 90 percent of the problems one might get therapy for without even being paid for it.


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

LittleDicky said:


> I agree, especially when people like me will fix 90 percent of the problems one might get therapy for without even being paid for it.


What do you plan to do for OP, give him a reach around?


> I'm still considering seeing a psychologist and then a psychiatrist.
> I am not accurately diagnosing my self but the symptoms I have displayed in the past have been of this nature.
> Borderline Personality Disorder (This doesn't seem to be present in me all the time, as though it's lying dormant in my personality until a situation triggers BPD like symptoms...)
> Schizoid Personality Disorder (Covert Schizoid)
> Depression but not chronic, and not static, probably subjectively normal to be honest.


Don't ever self-diagnose and don't ever play yourself.


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## user03 (Oct 30, 2015)

there is a problem with both self diagnosis and professional diagnosis's. one can provide information in a way to a professional that doesn't accurately explain the person and get diagnosed incorrectly / not completely by a professional or professionals, where as self diagnosis can also be bad because it can also not be accurate, tested, and just not be the proper solution, so it leaves the person just hanging, not knowing what to do, because nothing is confirmed or agreed upon to let the individual change for something they can choose specifically to do for themselves. you would think that it shouldn't be like this, that professionals should be able to understand the slightest differences in people, provide meaningful feedback and approaches for solving problems, but the reality is, they don't. at least, not for me. 

and don't even get me started on psychiatric medications, the prescribed medications i took either did nothing, gave bad side effects and just made my body more unbalanced and damaged. im really curious on how these pills have such a high rate of helping certain people such as mentioned for ADHD, which ironically, i do have a form of it, but the two drugs i took, ritalin and vyvanse just made me more anxious, more depressed, lesser in ability to focus, and i stopped them immediately after a few days. i've had eye contact issues due to social awkwardness, mind wandering, clumsiness which also caused by the presence of people, being self conscious, not knowing what to pay attention due to filtering issues or too many things to process, most of these issues were prevalent just before puberty till now.

an example of the mind wandering, social awkwardness, or eye contact issues is like this, we are put in a group, i have to face the people in the group in a table, but unless im actively engaging in something or meditating using a piece of object or something, then i feel or become awkward and start doing clumsy things like looking at the side of my chair, turning to the side of my chair and looking at other people in the class, or possibly having the wrong facial gestures for the given moment. this has bothered me in the past and i've tried up to this point to hide it and improve the symptoms by being more firm on the outside, controlled, and trying to get the big picture of things without looking like im lost or confused always, but it doesn't always work. i used to be more hyper when i was younger, before puberty, i got calmer when i became older, but that isn't really news to me. 

if i do have depression as a diagnosis, it would only be caused by the various things i mentioned, not from a chemical imbalance. also the whole ADHD thing, i suspect i have the combined type and / or sct ( sluggish cognitive tempo ) or another better term ( concentration deficit disorder ). i believe in introversion in that i always needed to expend energy to get through situations, later on i would become very tired, i also had an experience one time in las vegas, after walking a lot the whole day with some friends, we came to someone's hotel room and i just collapsed on the floor from exhaustion and basically fell asleep there for a bit, i later on woke up with a wierd feeling in my stomach and i started shaking uncontrollably, i woke up one of the people sleeping in the bed and told them i thought i think im having a seizure but i wasn't literally, later on i went into the bed and some other people came and tried to come me down, after an hour or so, the shaking went away and i fell asleep again i think, i felt like crap the next day and that's pretty much it.


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## Lady777jennifer (9 mo ago)

UnrequitedMind said:


> The first thing I want to ask of anyone who plans to read this, or comment on it, is to please step outside your self and analyze what I'm saying and why I am saying it. I'm not asking for you to agree with anything I'm saying, but I at least want to be understood, if someone is going to reply, because this is becoming a serious matter for me, and this is the first time I have ever posted anything like this online.
> 
> The second thing is it might be hard to understand me, one because it may not all come out completely coherent, and two, because the individual reading is not interested enough, meaning their give a fuck bar is low, so proper analysis from a detached understanding (not agreeing) point of view is skewed.
> 
> ...


I hope after many years you found peace...,. Just remember that Rants are OK…And sometimes the road takes on a path it's really long and windy and Full of ups and downs and curve. But it's up to you and only you to take the steering wheel to maneuver through those curves how ever YOU feel fit (not based on the timeline of others. You have one body, one mind and one heart - that is all that is needed to drive the car called "Life" - so the only true enemy we all do have is Time ! ❤


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## Sparky (Mar 15, 2010)

Maybe the following link will help you:



https://www.personalitycafe.com/threads/how-to-be-successful-as-a-person-in-school-or-business-and-relationships-also-as-parent.1362017/



Specifically, you can follow the instructions here:

Do the following in the order they are presented:

You can say "no" in the mind
Please ask for forgiveness, the person you have stolen from (or even thinking wrongly of), in the mind
Know that "There is a right way to do anything"
"Seek a righteous path for soul development" or finding your romantic lover (say to yourself)
"Seek a righteous path, and wisdom will be yours"
Achieve balance in emotional repression releases in mind and body (might entail certain eye movements)
Lift the brain regions next to the temple muscles (muscles beside your eyes) to activate your body's energy matrix
Connect your heart to the sun, by seeing the sun for a moment, or hear the sounds coming from inside the sun, and wish for it to find the love of its life. This is your second body (you can also find that you can connect to the Wisps in your body, as well as in electricity, like with electronics such as cellphones and computers).
Also, ask for the "turn on" in the mind, by saying "can you turn it on please" to the spiritual ether. From time to time, say thank you in the mind, give good food (in the mind), and a red packet (in the mind)


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## donrichiesrichies (4 mo ago)

UnrequitedMind said:


> The first thing I want to ask of anyone who plans to read this, or comment on it, is to please step outside your self and analyze what I'm saying and why I am saying it. I'm not asking for you to agree with anything I'm saying, but I at least want to be understood, if someone is going to reply, because this is becoming a serious matter for me, and this is the first time I have ever posted anything like this online.
> 
> The second thing is it might be hard to understand me, one because it may not all come out completely coherent, and two, because the individual reading is not interested enough, meaning their give a fuck bar is low, so proper analysis from a detached understanding (not agreeing) point of view is skewed.
> 
> ...


They’re all biased and not about helping others


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