# Do MOST women desire a fun, outgoing man rather than an shy, introverted man?



## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

Are you trying to get "most" women? If so, then being outgoing definitely attracts "most" women. 

And then they fight about which one you like more. Because they're usually man-whores. Nothing wrong with that, if that's what floats your boat. But other than that, why ask? 



People are individuals in their own right. If you're looking for a relationship and you think you're too shy, think again. There are always people you meet, including women. Odds are one of them will like you for who you are.


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Don't go for the sex, women will spot your intentions right off the bat, and that's why you're here, because, they think you will just use them to score some points in the conquering game, to brag to your friends. They don't want to become a statistic.

Be comfortable in your own skin.

Have a good back story, so, women will see you as a 3D person, and, not someone needy. No one likes a needy person.

Become a Buddhist. I'm sure if you fit better with Christianity, Christians may word it, stop thinking, let God enter your brain. The point is, I attend Buddhist Meditations given by real Buddhist teachers. This is an hour, and, a half long, I just am told to empty my thoughts, and, let whatever comes into my mind, come, observe the thought, then let it go, but, bring awareness to myself in my breathing. So, Don't think, Just Be. Just Be In the moment. Don't think about banging a woman, because, it may never happen, just be in the moment with people in general, and, if the situation presents itself, then, that's when you at least should observe the sex idea, but, don't observe the sex idea, until it comes. No pun intended. Because, the situation may never reveal itself. Let it happen first. Live in the moment.

Abstain from self pity. I just read how what happens when a secure woman, dates an insecure guy....disaster ensued, because, he still had to find ways to nourish his feeling that he's inadequate. Those are just some thoughts, from a male perspective, I don't claim to know what women want, each woman may want something differently.


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## spylass (Jan 25, 2014)

Depends on the person. 
I prefer introverted men- but I generally prefer introverted people as friends/lovers. 

I think asking this question is uncomfortable because it's really obvious that there is not correct answer to what MOST women want because people are more complex than having a single preference that applies to most of them.


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## Mimic octopus (May 3, 2014)

I think people in general are sometimes more drawn to outgoing, fun and uninhibited people for obvious reasons. But I don't think they are necessarily more attractive to females, it's just more likely a guy possessing those traits will attract more women through interacting with more of them and trial and error, the groundwork has to be made.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

isingthebodyelectric said:


> You're only basing all that off of women you have met - that's not very wise, is it?


Both women I've met as well as the attitudes and opinions of women on this and other relevant forums, ones I have heard about, etc, in essence all the experience I can bring to bear. 

In fact *using your experience to draw conclusions is the very essence of wisdom* although wisdom certainly also argues that one can never be certain and one must keep an open mind, always questioning ones firmly held beliefs.

You will notice as well that my declarative statements used the word MOST, allowing for a percentage of women, however miniscule, that will accept partners outside those limits.

I also would say that if you meet the criteria I listed you can go for the sex also, in fact you can just be rude if you'd like. Whereas SOME women will find that annoying and MOST of them will chafe in the long run with continued rudeness, it is no detriment at all to MOST women initially, and to a lot of them its a turn on expressive of confidence and social power; even if it's immature.


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

here's the thing...you can't be like other guys to get girls. you have to be you. that's like the #1 rule. women are like sharks, they sense insincerity as if it were blood. you need to be self assured and uncompromising with who you are. 

if you know and are unafraid of who you are, and who you are is a sexual being, then sex will come to you. it's a function of nature.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

pinkrasputin said:


> Well I tend to attract and be attracted to introverts. I need a guy who is confident, has social graces, and can get along with people. But I really don't need him upstaging me in the popularity department, nor do I find a social butterfly who wonders off at parties attractive in a mate.
> 
> And a guy who is surrounded by tons if women has never been attractive to me.


What if the guy just don't like to have bro friends ? I got way more girly friends than male friends and it's hardly a problem.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I married a shy guy who remained authentic despite social pressures. He was picky about compatibility, and I recommend that you be picky too. Consider very carefully what type of woman you want. When you seem like you are looking for just any woman to fill a void, as though they were all interchangeable, they will tend to pick up on that and feel turned off by it. When you have something specific in mind, and if your standards are about important, reasonable things rather than shallow things, when you find a woman who meets those standards, make sure she can tell that you are interested in her for the right reasons and that you see her as a special individual. Avoid talking about her appearance, or about excessively sexual topics, because that gets annoying and makes some women uncomfortable, as though you are just trying to score some meaningless sex. 

Shy guys tend to have better luck meeting women online, so if dating in real life isn't working, I recommend using a dating site that lets you pick a partner based on having compatible answers to a detailed set of questions, such as OkCupid.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Ideally a man who is outgoing in terms of adventures, exploring and wants to enjoy doing random things, yet calm in denmor( INTX) This is the perfect man in my humble opinion. Introverts love traveling, they do like to have fun, however their perception of fun is not the same as most extroverts. They enjoy one on one kind of fun, visiting places that don't tie them down to a group of people. The are the perfect road companion, they enjoy stopping and exploring everything there is about a new place, or environment. Shy has nothing to do with being an Introvert, I'm an extrovert and I'm the shy one in my relationship with a deep Introvert.


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## mangodelic psycho (Jan 12, 2015)

Didn't read all the repsponses but I have to say this. The problem with a lot of introverted people is that they have no idea how people view them. You know you're fun, smart, cool ect. but how do you expect people to know this? They're not mind readers. You said that you pretended to be a fun outgoing guy. That is a bad idea, cos most people smell that kind of BS from afar. Just be more open. Voice your thoughts more. Don't give a shit about what some people might think, because, think about it, do you really care? Chances are you don't. Some people will like what's inside your head, some won't. Life goes on. :happy:
I believe that introversion is a way of thinking and being that comes natural to some people, even though I think most of us are somewhere inbetween, not pure extroverts nor introverts. Shyness, though, is a flaw. It's a learnt behaviour that only succeeds in isolating us, making us miserable and slaves to our own self-deprecating thoughts. Fight it.


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## TyTy (Dec 3, 2011)

PlainsOfMystery said:


> I've tried being a fun, spontaneous, outgoing guy before and i had no luck with women. And now I've given up on that, it's stupid trying to be someone you're not. I'm an introverted person and I'm very shy. But i still have no luck. I also have very little dating experience. I've only had one real relationship and that was in high school. It's been 6 years since then. 6 years since I've had any kind of close relationship with a woman or even gone out on a date. 3 and a half years since I've had sex. Every girl i try to talk to seems to push me away or feel really awkward around me. And i get it, i can be an awkward person. I'm not good with first impressions at all. But i know I'm more than my first impression. But people seem to judge a person based solely on that. And i don't think I'm a bad looking guy. I have my priorities straight and know what I want out of life. I don't understand why nobody is interested in me. This has just really gotten to me and has frustrated me past my breaking point. I've just lost my patience, i just wanna go out on a date with someone. With over 3 billion women out there i cant find one gf just ONE? Not even just a date? I just don't get it. For the past 6 years my patience has been tested and i have completely run out of it. So what are all your thoughts on this?


"But i know I'm more than my first impression." This line jumped out at me. And, you are. 

I haven't read all the responses that you received to this. I just want to say that no, not all women prefer the man you described. In fact, those types of men are typically a turn off for me personally. I am actually drawn to the quiet person in the corner, or the one that seems a bit awkward because they are the ones that I find to be real and typically have more depth to them. I'm sorry you have so much trouble finding someone, I think many of us do when we are quieter than the rest of the population. I guess my only real thoughts on it are the ones that are in the forefront doing all the hookups are typically also the same ones running from relationship to relationship, rarely finding peace or happiness. Guys (and girls) like that get noticed because they are usually the ones dancing and bouncing around in front of our face. I will humor or be polite to men that approach me like that, but they rarely hold my interest.

Six years is a long time to be alone, but in my experience, being alone is better than being fused to the wrong person. There is a saying from Robin Williams floating around the internet... _"I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." _There is so much truth in those few little words to me. 

Words can't fight the feelings of loneliness. And to me statements like... just hang in there, the right person will come along when you stop searching... are patronizing and piss me off. There are no guarantees in life. Many people come and go in this life without finding a true connection; others find it and then lose it and crave it all the more; only a handful seem to actually capture and savor it... I don't have any encouraging words, just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. <3


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## scoobysnack (Jan 26, 2015)

the right person will be able to look beyond all your insecurities. Don't try and please anyone just be yourself. Im a woman and i really don't know what mostWomen want. I personally have always looked for substance in a partner, not a follower and someone who doesn't care what others think of them. Just be yourself And treat women with respect. That's a guarantee if you are a gentlemen we take notice of that...at least I do. I was single for a LONG time and I met someone when I wasn't focused on meeting anyone. I'm not being patronizing when I say it'll happen when you least expect it.


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## Zuflex (Sep 6, 2014)

Are you willing to get 20 times a no before the yes? If so, how many times did you get a no this year? If the answer is 'never', you lied. You are not ready to accept a no.

If you don't dare to approach a women, go out with a friend who does. It is less awkward then a one on one. If it works out, the friend has to go home unexpectedly. So you see if she wants to talk to you a bit more or not. And, most important: always end with a line you studied like hell. Something like "I really liked talking to you. Can I give you my card? (make it a good one! don't scribble a telephone number on a piece of paper. Be a man of the world...) If you feel like it, we could meet again for a coffee or a beer. You decide." And be prepared to have no response 20 times. 

So, if you would go out every weekend, 2 times, you would have a date in 10 weeks. Say three months.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

I think most people dislike shy people.

_Introverted _people can be really cute, though.


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## Deejaz (Feb 19, 2014)

outgoing and active men are exciting, compensates for my lack of it. In physical situations, they can be very charismatic = hot.
but hey, I think introverted men can be appealing in some ways. ^as said, cute :tongue:.


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## Isuckatusernames (Sep 9, 2014)

I like introverted men but a lot/some of them can be drawn to their opposite (outgoing). I love men who don't follow the crowd or care what other people think of him. I might be generalizing and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but a lot of extroverts care too much about that.


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## Isuckatusernames (Sep 9, 2014)

psychedelicmango said:


> Didn't read all the repsponses but I have to say this. The problem with a lot of introverted people is that they have no idea how people view them. You know you're fun, smart, cool ect. but how do you expect people to know this? They're not mind readers. You said that you pretended to be a fun outgoing guy. That is a bad idea, cos most people smell that kind of BS from afar. Just be more open. Voice your thoughts more. Don't give a shit about what some people might think, because, think about it, do you really care? Chances are you don't. Some people will like what's inside your head, some won't. Life goes on. :happy:
> I believe that introversion is a way of thinking and being that comes natural to some people, even though I think most of us are somewhere inbetween, not pure extroverts nor introverts. Shyness, though, is a flaw. It's a learnt behaviour that only succeeds in isolating us, making us miserable and slaves to our own self-deprecating thoughts. Fight it.


That was very well said.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

I have the feeling that nobody on this forum is close to even knowing half a percent of women on this planet... It's hard to answer what MOST women desire.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

Isuckatusernames said:


> I like introverted men but a lot/some of them can be drawn to their opposite (outgoing). I love men who don't follow the crowd or care what other people think of him. I might be generalizing and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but a lot of extroverts care too much about that.


Try an ENTP ...


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

Diligent Procrastinator said:


> I have the feeling that nobody on this forum is close to even knowing half a percent of women on this planet... It's hard to answer what MOST women desire.


That is where empirical experience and group intuition come into play ... No one is claiming to KNOW in the finest sense of the word.


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## Isuckatusernames (Sep 9, 2014)

series0 said:


> Try an ENTP ...


ENTPs intrigue me. I just have to try and spot one out.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

Isuckatusernames said:


> ENTPs intrigue me. I just have to try and spot one out.


I can be difficult. The make snap judgements (usually right but taken as sarcastic and negative). You have to read the situation a little deeper to see the visionary hope and positivity implied by the barking and acid up-front. But I am a little biased. I am one ...


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

series0 said:


> I can be difficult. The make snap judgements (usually right but taken as sarcastic and negative). You have to read the situation a little deeper to see the visionary hope and positivity implied by the barking and acid up-front. But I am a little biased. I am one ...


Well it's true we do NOT shut up.
Don't think that correlates to not caring about what people think.
It's more like we can't keep track of petty little trifles like that.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

PlainsOfMystery said:


> I've tried being a fun, spontaneous, outgoing guy before and i had no luck with women. And now I've given up on that, it's stupid trying to be someone you're not. I'm an introverted person and I'm very shy. But i still have no luck. I also have very little dating experience. I've only had one real relationship and that was in high school. It's been 6 years since then. 6 years since I've had any kind of close relationship with a woman or even gone out on a date. 3 and a half years since I've had sex. Every girl i try to talk to seems to push me away or feel really awkward around me. And i get it, i can be an awkward person. I'm not good with first impressions at all. But i know I'm more than my first impression. But people seem to judge a person based solely on that. And i don't think I'm a bad looking guy. I have my priorities straight and know what I want out of life. I don't understand why nobody is interested in me. This has just really gotten to me and has frustrated me past my breaking point. I've just lost my patience, i just wanna go out on a date with someone. With over 3 billion women out there i cant find one gf just ONE? Not even just a date? I just don't get it. For the past 6 years my patience has been tested and i have completely run out of it. So what are all your thoughts on this?


Extroverted men are good for serial dating + flings; if I am feeling recklessly 'spontaneous' - I will seek a more extroverted male - It is _unclear_ how long I would last within long term investiment unless it is a cute little *ENFP*; that is the only one I wish to tolerate long term. 

I can sense a males *falsity* from miles away - your fake persona radiates like an aura of cheap colonge - as a previous suggestion, try ''neutralism'' - 

_Neutralism_ entails --> Being ones-self --> Less risks of falsity / lying --> Less draining of being someone else, et al. The negatives do not obtain such as ''mean''. An assuming you are an innately nice individual, that will be fine.

If this does not work - I would suggest living a life of solitude; the reality is many individuals are not relationship material, thus will end up alone - I have accepted a life of solitary living; as I render incompatible with every individual I date - perhaps, you should find happiness within yourself.


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## Beatriz (Oct 18, 2015)

Honestly I prefer guys who are introvert like me. I just think shy guys are adorable. I'm shy too so it would probably be difficult to start a relatioship with a shy guy, LOL, but whatever. I prefer them. People who are too outgoing make me kinda uncomfortable, because I don't like to go to places like parties and stuff like that. So I feel better around people who go to places that are similar to those I go to. But that depends, every woman has different tastes on men.

Don't be so harsh on yourself. It's not your fault you haven't been in too many relationships. I'm 19 and so far I haven't been in any relationships yet -- I've only kissed 1 boy when I was 15 and that's it. But I'm not too worried about it. Yes, it would be nice to have a boyfriend and I would like to get married someday, but I try not to worry too much about it because I know it's not healthy to be desperate for a boyfriend.

Before you engage in a relationship you have to be satisfied with yourself. Just feel good by being single. You seem like you feel incomplete without a girlfriend, and that's not good at all, because when you get a girlfriend you will still feel incomplete, like there's something missing. A girlfriend will not fulfill all your desires, you have to do that before getting a partner. If you're satisfied with yourself, then you'll feel satisfied with your partner. *It's like, being in a relationship won't make your life any better, you have to do it yourself*... Do you understand what I mean?

Here is the truth: you don't have to change who you are to catch someone's attention. Did you ever fall in love with someone and felt like you had no reason to love her, you just loved her for who she was? That's it. Someday, when a woman fall in love with you (it will happen with time, don't worry) she will fall in love with you naturally, without any effort. *That's how people fall in love, they don't choose who they fall in love with, it just happens.* I like tall men, but someday I might fall in love with a short guy, because I can't choose who I fall in love with.

In short: don't worry about getting a girlfriend, just live your life normally and someday you'll catch someone's eye without much effort... I wish you good luck, buddy. :happy:


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## peter pettishrooms (Apr 20, 2015)

I don't have a preference over introverts or extroverts. Fellow introverts understand my need for space and don't grow impatient or frustrated whenever I need extra time to myself. Which is nice since I need loads of alone time. They're also understanding of my preference to hang out one-on-one rather than with a group of people. 

Extroverts are quite useful the moment my reclusive behavior starts to become unhealthy. They usually notice when my extended periods of isolation tilt towards the problematic side before I do and are willing to help me out by encouraging me to leave my room for at least a little while. I also have an anxiety disorder, and if the extrovert is understanding and patient with me, then they're deserving of my attention.


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