# Personality over looks? Let's be honest.



## Silver Phoenix (Jun 8, 2010)

A lot of people like to sway one way or another and I want to know your opinions as well?

Personally I don't go with either. It would be great if the girl I got with had great looks as well as perfect in the head for me but I believe that attraction runs a little deeper.

Call it love at first sight, linking of the souls, or catching the scent of pheromones. In reality there's always a moment when we ask ourselves why we were attracted to someone that wasn't really a catch in either areas. What is attraction to you? Be honest, and state whether you believe it to be a primal attraction or one of a deeper nature that cannot be explained.


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## KrystRay (Jun 16, 2010)

Physical attraction is important, but I have to be able to respect what is in their heads. I am usually surprised by who I really get that adrenaline rush from because it takes a few days for it to set in. I'm not impulsive at all in relationships. I rarely have primal attractions, probably because they just ended up being trouble when I was younger. As of right now, I'm looking for someone who will produce good looking, intelligent babies that I can respect and who can put up with me. It's the respect thing that I find is lacking. South Florida sucks as far as that goes.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Well his looks attract me at first, and then from that point I hope he doesn't say something that reveals he is stupid. Lol. It's also a Chris Rock joke, but it is true. A terrible personality will definitely ruin his chances. But if I'm not even physically attracted to him, I am not even considering him. I want to be physically attracted to my mate. I would think he'd want me to be as well. Then I don't get eyes for anyone else. Confidence when approaching me or even standing across the room adds to the physical attraction. Someone who looks like they take care of themselves and can dress themselves. Physical chemistry is awesome. It's like there is this layer of smoky essence radiating from the other person. We can both look at each other and just "know" what we want to do with one another. 

I am not trying to look for the father of my child or my husband so I can really afford to base things on my own physical appearance. I also worry that if a man looks like he doesn't take care of himself, he might have low self esteem and need to prove himself through attaining women. If he is attracted to me, he may think he can only get me. And then if anything else ever approaches him, he might also be "boosted" and charmed and go off with them. So I am not looking for a desperate man either. I want a man who knows he CAN be with other women, but there is something special about me specifically that he's attracted to and finds unique. I want someone who has _chosen_ to be with me, not because he _needs _ to be or thinks I am the "best" he can get. And I will do the same for him. I know I can have others, but there is just something so awesome about him. That is why in relationships, I always say "thank you for choosing me". I know I have done the same, but I always remind them that I don't take it for granted. 

My point is, confidence is attractive. Looking like he has his shit together is attractive. Then when it's coupled with smarts and is willing to teach me a thing or two- so hot!


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Depends on the personality and the looks.

Both can be important, but it is a matter of where your standards are set. There's also attractive vs. not _un_-attractive - IMO.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I certainly believe in some kind of undefinable chemistry. In an effort to define it :laughing:, I might call it a dynamic that is romantic, not just two people who get along or who have mutual physical attraction. I have liked the personalities of physically attractive men, but not felt a romantic spark in our interactions, so yes, something more is needed. 

As for "what was I thinking" attractions, I can think of only one, and I suppose in some way I was attracted to him physically (even if he's not conventionally good-looking) and his personality intrigued me, even if we did not click. I think it was more about exploration for me at the time than following a feeling.


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## Wulfdot (Apr 14, 2010)

To quote Ron (Comedian): "You can't fix stupid."

So while the looks at what draws me into a female I will quickly lose interest if her mind is not up to par. I guess I'm mentally superficial, because I'd prefer her to have a decent personality over looks. However, you'd have to find someone in between Ugly and Hot; Why? because ugly chicks will feel ugly. I know there are some that like to pretend they don't but I can sense their depression and I cannot be around someone who will get me depressed. I only have a little Fe but it is enough. Hot chicks tend to be stuck up bitches with a few exceptions. Plain chicks normally are beautiful but they hide it under plainness. If I can bring that out of her then I will have a Beautiful, Intelligent, and Fun companion.

To bad it wouldn't last... I know me 

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> If I could offer one piece of advice to the planet, it would be this: Don't marry for looks alone, and I'll tell you why. In a few years, when Barbara's boobs start sagging, she can get plastic surgery, have them lifted, move the nipple wherever. You can actually go to a titty bar, pick out a set of titties and say, "I want those titties on that woman." If her belly gets too big, she can get a tummy tuck and have a belly like a cheerleader. If her vision goes bad, you can have LASIK surgery and have 20/20 vision. If her hearing goes bad, they can install a device in her ear that will give you hearing as clear as it was the day you were born. But let me tell you something, folks: You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.


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## Silver Phoenix (Jun 8, 2010)

KrystRay said:


> It's the respect thing that I find is lacking. South Florida sucks as far as that goes.


I know exactly what you mean.


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## rowingineden (Jun 23, 2010)

From my history, it appears looks aren't all that important to me. I just fall in love with souls and I want to get close to them any way I can, if that includes straddling their bodies, than so be it. Ha.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Physical attraction will be one of the main reasons for becoming attracted to someone, but it's the personality and intelligence of the person that would continue any relationship.


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## Merov (Mar 8, 2009)

If you choose personality over looks, you are either:

A: Hot, and tired of the same old hot guy/girl with no substanence, or desperate, or depressed, or coming out of a breakup.

B: Telling yourself that you prefer personality over looks, because you cannot get a girl/boy the other way around.


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## Wulfdot (Apr 14, 2010)

I would agree with you on some level; After all marriage use to only last 2-5 years before the other mate died and the mate was chosen for their looks and ability to carry offspring. Marriage is a superficial concept that revolves only around mating and it has been distorted into something else so that others don't feel so bad 

However, Marriage and a Relationships are different. I like to think of my girlfriends as friends with benefits. The way I've seen marriages is more along the lines of "I loved you for about 2 months but now I only stay with you because I want to have a baby."

So, I go with the skycloud approach: Looks attract, Personality keeps me friends.

[I dislike the concept of marriage for multiple reasons. My view point is my own ]


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Merov said:


> If you choose personality over looks, you are either:
> 
> A: Hot, and tired of the same old hot guy/girl with no substanence, or desperate, or depressed, or coming out of a breakup.


I don't personally believe that any human is "hot". It's just a way of saying that someone looks nice, but is ultimately devoid of any other quality.



> B: Telling yourself that you prefer personality over looks, because you cannot get a girl/boy the other way around.


Some people prefer people who are intelligent - something that won't have faded by the time they are middle-aged.

And if you choose looks over personality, you're shallow, boring and won't have a relationship that lasts more than a few weeks, or maybe months if you are lucky. You'll end up being one of those sad old perverts in their sixties who chase after people in their twenties simply because you can't bear to be in a relationship with someone who has wrinkles.


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## Wulfdot (Apr 14, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> I don't personally believe that any human is "hot". It's just a way of saying that someone looks nice, but is ultimately devoid of any other quality.


Hot is only used to describe what is socially accepted as beautiful; Fat girls use to be the talk of the town because they were thought to be able to have more children. A king would take a fat wife so that his thorn live on.

I personally don't care about what social is acceptable; I judge beautiful off my own tastes.

HEY! Don't knock sad old perverts. I dream of being one of them when I am 60.


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## SaraBell (Jun 3, 2010)

I do find people I'm attracted to, but if I do get to know them, many times I dislike their personality. To me, when I find somebody whos personality I like (even if they aren't really considered attractive), I find them more attractive. Some of the time this can happen even with somebody I find unattractive at first, but there are limits.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

To be fully honest, I need to love the personality, but at first, looks are what get me on to you. They are the bait, I am the fish, and your personality is the hook.


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## Nasmoe (Nov 11, 2009)

I am usually going for looks, but sometimes a good personality will make me become attracted to someone. Like somehow I will start to appreciate the physical traits.


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## rowingineden (Jun 23, 2010)

Merov said:


> If you choose personality over looks, you are either:
> 
> A: Hot, and tired of the same old hot guy/girl with no substanence, or desperate, or depressed, or coming out of a breakup.
> 
> B: Telling yourself that you prefer personality over looks, because you cannot get a girl/boy the other way around.


No, it's really sad, I actually attract really hot people sometimes, but I always end up with people whose personalities I like more, because I simply cannot stand to be around someone without some depth, even if I only intend to make out with them and have my way with them and whatnot. It just makes me sick to be around people with ugly or uninteresting personalities. Like, physically sick. I would love to just hookup with a hot, soulless cheerleader (well, that was redundant), but I don't seem able to.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

One funny looking tit and it's game over.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

avalanche183 said:


> One funny looking tit and it's game over.


You're not serious, surely?


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Its not always an either/or thing. For me, a persons personality defines their appearance, unless theres something about their appearance that is really off-putting.. like an aggressive look.


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## timeless (Mar 20, 2010)

People have this fixation on slicing a person up into their component parts, as if a better understanding could be found through dissection. The nature of a unified person can't be described by tearing it apart, because that unity is precisely what creates the ineffable forces that separate what's alive from what's not. Society encourages death fetishism, the idea that we can be cut into pieces and put in a bag and then somehow reassembled again. But chopping up someone physically and then reassembling them alive is just as far fetched as the idea that you could do the same with human nature. In short, true attraction consists of the synergy of two individuals who merge, yet remain independent actors. This means every part of them. This isn't a buffet.


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## SenRyuu (May 25, 2010)

i find myself looking for a partner with a certain mix of traits. Personality is usually first for me, but i find myself compatible with most personalities. at this point i'll start to look at how cute my object of affection is. my ideal type would be a small, cute boy/maybe girl (i'm not a pedophile) who is quiet and shy, but intelligent, and loving. very broad, but i dont really want to go into too much detail.

I'm not a pedophile.


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

Looks help with first impressions and of course the physical attraction but if they don't have intelligence, a sense of humor, and honesty.... then I don't want.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

Give me both and nothing less! :tongue:

Haha, I mean I look for physical attractiveness first and then go for personality.


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## IllBeBach (Jun 11, 2010)

I could NEVER date someone with a crap personality. I just simply wouldn't like it, no matter how good looking they are. They need to have a personality I can relate to and can get along with very well. Looks however, are still a good thing, but its not the big picture for me.


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## NinjaSwan (Nov 21, 2009)

timeless said:


> People have this fixation on slicing a person up into their component parts, as if a better understanding could be found through dissection. The nature of a unified person can't be described by tearing it apart, because that unity is precisely what creates the ineffable forces that separate what's alive from what's not. Society encourages death fetishism, the idea that we can be cut into pieces and put in a bag and then somehow reassembled again. But chopping up someone physically and then reassembling them alive is just as far fetched as the idea that you could do the same with human nature. In short, true attraction consists of the synergy of two individuals who merge, yet remain independent actors. This means every part of them. This isn't a buffet.


That is incredibly well put :mellow:


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

Attraction is primal, in a way. This is a difficult question to answer, because I don't quite understand why I'm attracted to certain women and disgusted by others.

I can say that I'm more apt to be attracted to someone who I connect with on a mental and physical level. I can even be attracted to someone on a purely physical level, but remove the mental connection and I lose all interest.


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## RedPanda (Jun 16, 2010)

I have made an conscious choice to seek out potential Significant Others based on personality first of all, because no matter how attractive they may be, I have to enjoy being with them most of all! 

Of course, it's silly to deny I am attracted to attractive people. But I do find people more attractive visually if I know and like their personality... anyone else experience this?


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## Kamajama (Feb 28, 2009)

Agreed, I definitely enjoy people based on how they make me feel rather than how they look.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

Looks do pull me in first. Personality is more important. A personality that I don't like can easily turn the hottest girl in the world into something down right repulsive. Happened before in my life a few times. I could also be insane as some people say:laughing:


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## CrabHammer (Jun 18, 2010)

RedPanda said:


> But I do find people more attractive visually if I know and like their personality... anyone else experience this?


Yes, even to the point where their physical characteristics are what I start looking for in other women. They can completely alter what I find to be attractive.

I'm one of those guys who notoriously crushes on all of his female friends. I guess that means personality > looks because I tend to build some sort of repore, then think hey so-and-so is pretty hot, and then consider any romantic options. Actually, my latest crush I actually started crushing on her first and then, after the fact, thought about it and realized, yeah she is pretty hot. I mean there does have to be physical attraction, but there is no set level of hotness somebody has to achieve before I'll consider pursuing them.


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## RobinsonCrusoe (Nov 25, 2009)

my Head tells me to go with the personality. that a girl with a winning attitude is worth hundreds of shallow, no personality-skanks. but, says Head, go with your Heart.

then Dick interrupts. tells the other two to stfu. then guess what he says.


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## Wulfdot (Apr 14, 2010)

One night stands my friend  Love them. I prefer friends with benefits because at least I know the personality is good


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## R2-D2 (Mar 6, 2010)

JoetheBull said:


> Looks do pull me in first. Personality is more important. A personality that I don't like can easily turn the hottest girl in the world into something down right repulsive. Happened before in my life a few times. I could also be insane as some people say:laughing:


nah, i'm there with ya... i dated this guy once who'd turn women's heads when we walked down the street (even when we're holding hands, they'd stop to gape at him, the audacious hussies :crazy. random people like the straight rental car guy would tell me my bf was really good-looking. 

BUT i hated his personality.......and accordingly, the sex was horrible, just horrible. and eventually, well i feel kinda bad saying this, but yeah, i found him downright repulsive. :frustrating: then again, maybe i'm insane too!! :laughing:


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## Deja Vu (Dec 26, 2009)

You have to have both. I don't think that's unreasonable. Just like anybody else, I wasn't meant to date everybody.


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## Empecinado (May 4, 2010)

I've actually been very attracted to a girl that might be otherwise be considered not so pretty at all but that I have found is pretty rare. 

On general principle both need to excel.


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## Angel1412kaitou (Mar 30, 2010)

I'm not good at judging attractiveness. However, I tend to be attracted to someone after knowing them for more than several years, and I guess that means I value personality much more.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Both are very important. I'm not attracted to someone who's ugly but has a good personality and I'm not attracted to someone who's very attractive but doesn't have qualities I desire.


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

RobinsonCrusoe said:


> then Dick interrupts. tells the other two to stfu. then guess what he says.


he tells you to go for the girl with best personality? ya??


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## Wulfdot (Apr 14, 2010)

vel said:


> he tells you to go for the girl with best personality? ya??


Sometimes thats the only thing the dick sees. Us guys should be thinking with our brains instead and go for a girl with looks. Now, thats a keeper.


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## Steve MD (Jun 11, 2010)

I think Personality is more important that looks. Not that looks are not important. But whats the point in bieng attracted to someone who isn't meant for you?


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## Celastrus (Jun 4, 2010)

I'm married to him. And to be honest initially it was because he had beautiful ****** dark brown eyes, which I had a weakness for. And he was tall and had a physical presence which I liked.
Yep. Physical at first.
So we started talking. He turned out to be intelligent, and we had lots of conversations, and the relationship deepened really quickly. In retrospect though, it was his INFP-ness that was allowing his "self" to come around to see things from my perspective and then agree with me more often than not, though he did use his intelligence to really, honestly see the connections I did. And that is awesome. He also "fooled me" by behaving responsibly (cleaning up compulsively) when I met him, but that turned out to be wanting to please those he was rooming with rather than an innate aspect of himself (I think I saw him as a complement to my open-endedness there). So in those two ways it turns out we don't really complement each other at all.
And now we have babies.
Ah well. 
It leaves me "still looking" for someone(s) with a mind of their own, and maybe more motivation than either of us have, but I guess not romantically. Kinda committed there. Wish I'd known about MBTI sooner. Still love him though. 
So for friend material, personality over looks for sure. 
For romantic material, I guess it depends. I have dated guys I met online for personality. Never worked out though, but always for personality reasons, not physical, although I didn't really feel unattracted to any of them. I have felt unattracted to a couple of guys who have pursued me, but they were lacking in the personality department. If a guy just approaches me and seems only interested in sex, I don't care what he looks like. I instantly dislike him. If a guy approaches me with his own thoughts about life, the universe and everything, I instantly like him, regardless of what he looks like. But there does have to be a physical attraction there for it to go beyond the intellectual. But it can also be "potential" physical attraction, and/or I can focus on aspect I really like. Like with my hubby. I liked a lot about him, but he was 280lb. I still married him.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

They are both very important. I wouldn't really go out with someone if they weren't attractive to myself. Looks are the first thing you see, obviously, and in the first 10 seconds you usually decide if you want to have sex with someone. 

If they are good looking and a horrible person, then obviously you wouldn't go out with them.


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## Inverse (Jun 3, 2010)

I'm very odd. I tend to be more attracted to slight flaws, imperfections and back away from ridiculously stunning beauty on first glance. Flaws are sexy to me. *shrugs*

Flaws in personality are less sexy, but just as tolerable~ personality, humor~ connection, is everything.


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## CrabHammer (Jun 18, 2010)

Inverse said:


> Flaws are sexy to me. *shrugs*


(Seemingly) Perfect people can be very intimidating. They tend to just remind me of all of my flaws. There's no point in getting into a relationship just to feel bad about yourself all the time. (Cue marriage jokes!)


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## StandardLawyer (Dec 21, 2009)

i look for both.

It's against my religion if otherwise.


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Attraction requires both; a lack of either an appealing personality or looks - in my eyes - is not going to be attractive to me in that way. How I feel about a person, and how I feel about myself can change how attractive I find them - and sometimes not in the most logical way.


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## R2-D2 (Mar 6, 2010)

oh yeah, i forgot to add: conversely, the best sex i've ever had was with the arguably least physically attractive of all my ex's--someone who i was totally NOT attracted to (in fact, if anything, the exact opposite) when we first met. :shocked: so in my experience, looks and prowess in the sack have been inversely correlated.... hmmm, i hadn't thought about that before.... :crazy:


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## Later Days (Jan 19, 2010)

Instant connection.
I know who my next SO will be just by the moment we meet. It's nothing about looks... Just, there's a spark.
Though not everyone might find all of my choices attractive, I couldn't be more physically attracted to any of them.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

I'm very looks oriented. However, their personality and how sexual of a person they are also appeal to me greatly as well. I'll tell you this though, I don't necessarily need a perfect 10. Hell, I could be very happy with an 8 with a nice personality and a high sex drive.


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## Hiki (Apr 17, 2010)

Some of you should really speak for yourselves because the majority of men I've been attracted to have been online, and what I mean by that is, I didn't even see a photo of them to begin with. I was attracted to their personality. The photos shown to me after talking with them (By that time) were irrelevant. It didn't effect how I already felt about them.


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## AfricanQueen89 (Jul 10, 2010)

Will be happy with an average looking guy (over 5"9) with a hot body and an AMAZING personality.. 

Beautiful men are too much stress anyway


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

I think that the way a person interacts with others defines the way they look as well, (as it was pointed out by Promethea earlier on). I don't really find anyone attractive at all by their looks until they show something of themselves. Rude body perfect people are just downright ugly to me. Conversely if someone less than charming looking (in a conventional way) has a great way about them I will find something attractive about them.


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## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

Call me picky but I want nothing less than the whole package. A pretty face is nice, but it's far from enough to keep me interested. Among other things he's gotta be intelligent, challenging, independent, strong, a little mysterious, honest, loyal, and sweet... I've gotta know he'll treat me right even after I spoil him with love and affection, and sincere admiration, and that he'll still be the same person.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

There are some very beautiful corpses. 

But you probably don't want to take one on a date.

At least I hope you don't.


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## INFJGirlie (Jun 12, 2010)

I will say personality over looks because beauty fades but the heart only expands. I know it's corny but it true, I meet my BF online and fell for him before ever meeting him. For me I have to love their mind and heart first, looks can hide a mean person.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

i need to be attracted to the person physically. I mean personality is important but it can only overcome so much. That is not to say that I can not be attracted to someone who is not all that beautiful, just as I can not be with someone who is gorgeous if it sickens me to listen to them.


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

AfricanQueen89 said:


> Will be happy with an average looking guy (over 5"9) with a hot body and an AMAZING personality..
> 
> Beautiful men are too much stress anyway


Whew. Fortunately, I'm under 5"9.

Thanks for playing, but you lose.


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

INFJGirlie said:


> I will say personality over looks because beauty fades but the heart only expands. I know it's corny but it true, I meet my BF online and fell for him before ever meeting him. For me I have to love their mind and heart first, looks can hide a mean person.


I'm beginning to realize that a poor personality will make a beautiful woman ugly.

The answer is obviously: personality.


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## aevi23 (Jul 9, 2010)

I definitely agree with the looks then personality progression. although the best ones are the undefinable attractions


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