# BLOWJOBS (question for men)



## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

For what reason would you prefer BJs to sex with your girlfriend/wife? 

I feel like if it was my BFs way BJs would be all we do. It is starting to really bother me that he wants BJs but doesn't seem interested in sex as much at all. He doesn't like giving oral sex, so if I give in completely then I do not get anything at all. At the same time he feels pressured into having sex and it became kind of mechanical on his part (like "do what u have to do" type of things) and I do not like it. If i don't give him a BF then he feels hurt and makes me feel as if i am selfish and only want what i want and do not want to just give him something without wanting anything back. I used to do it a LOT. But we also used to have sex more often. But now sex is rare but he would not mind BJs every day if i was to do it. I tried to talk to him about it and all he says is that his body is not a robot and if he doesn't feel like it then he doesn't feel like it and there is nothing he can do. That i can jump on top and do what i need to do but there will be no emotions or desire coming from him, but only physical reflex. I do not want just a physical reflex. I am young and attractive and I love sex. I have higher sex drive than he does. Also we are in long distance relationship, so you would think he would miss it...But seems like he only misses BJs a lot. I know i need to be open and communicate that with him, I also know that i need to think about if that is what i want for me and all that...
I guess my question to you, men, is what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs? I am trying to understand those underlying reasons my BF most likely will never tell me about.


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## Darkestblue (Apr 19, 2010)

It's simple. He's selfish. He sounds like the kind of guy who believes males are superior to females and that they should obey their dominant male lovers. I see no other reason for a man to only want to receive and not give any.


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## QueCueYew (Aug 20, 2010)

i hope this isn't a trolling thread... because the only reason i came to this forum were due to the blatant title, 'BLOWJOBS'. 

anyhow this should be a universal rule, as in, have the common courtesy to return the favor. it doesn't seem like you're getting any reciprocation in your sex life, and now that it's long distance? i dunno, i've never been good at relationship advice. coupled with what you've outlined sexual satisfaction being clearly one sided? i'd have second thoughts about continuing the relationship any further. unless you really love the guy. but generally speaking i didn't get that vibe from your post, more like you just really like him and all he wants are blowjobs all the goddamn time. maybe an ultimatum will work? pleasure me or else? because quite honestly i really can't picture any guy saying no to that demand. unless they were not hetero. but even then the gay and lesbian community have been known to go straight for a romp or to follow romantic pursuit. back on topic...



> what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs?


I don't really know. I like blowjobs and all but when it's only me receiving pleasure i just feel, i dunno, unfulfilled. it could just be me. but i enjoy pleasuring just as much if not more than being pleasured. so maybe your guy is just greedy for blowjobs. 



**i had fun writing out this reply. not in the creepy perverted sense, but i mean. blowjob. hah! and that's it for immature depravity.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

explain to him effective immediately that if he does not give oral sex, he does not get oral sex *period*. He will then make the decision


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> explain to him effective immediately that if he does not give oral sex, he does not get oral sex *period*. He will then make the decision


I think this is more than fair.


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## Onomatopoeia (Nov 2, 2010)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> explain to him effective immediately that if he does not give oral sex, he does not get oral sex *period*. He will then make the decision


This is exactly what I wanted to say. 
I'm usually not one for ultimatums, but it sounds like this has been going on for a while so it might be your best option. However! Are you sure you really want to continue a relationship with him? I mean, he told you there's no emotion or desire there; just physical reflex... why would you want to continue instead of finding someone that's more on the same wavelength?


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## blkrbt (Oct 29, 2011)

Tell him you want to be really kinky tonight, handcuff him to the bed and then blindfold...
Then play... 





Repeat as needed...


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

*Candid Apple* i do really love him even if it did not sound like it from the post. We have been together for 1.5 years. 

*Clever Waffle *when he said "physical reflex" he meant those moments when he doesn't want to have sex with me. It is not 100% of the time, but more than I would want to. He means that if i pressure him then he feels like it is a duty and not an emotional experience. It is not like he never wants it in the emotional way, but less that i wish he would. 

I just want to understand underlying reasons...


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

tissa said:


> *Candid Apple* i do really love him even if it did not sound like it from the post. We have been together for 1.5 years.
> 
> *Clever Waffle *when he said "physical reflex" he meant those moments when he doesn't want to have sex with me. It is not 100% of the time, but more than I would want to. He means that if i pressure him then he feels like it is a duty and not an emotional experience. It is not like he never wants it in the emotional way, but less that i wish he would.
> 
> I just want to understand underlying reasons...


if you stopped giving oral sex hed be more likely to be horny when you want to have sex


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## blkrbt (Oct 29, 2011)

tissa said:


> I just want to understand underlying reasons...


 He's selfish, immature and lazy... Not all guys enjoy giving oral the guy should at some point WANT to make you feel good... If it really feels that good to him then he should want to return the favor. There may be some underlining feeling that maybe he's not good enough or feels like he is doing it wrong. Do you talk about what makes you feel good when he goes down on you or when you're having sex? It helps boost my confidence when she tells me how she likes it so I know I'm doing something she enjoys. Be careful of this because sometimes uncreative guys get "stuck" doing one thing because you told them you like it and then might actually start to hate that thing he does with his tongue so much.


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

blkrbt said:


> He's selfish, immature and lazy... Not all guys enjoy giving oral the guy should at some point WANT to make you feel good... If it really feels that good to him then he should want to return the favor. There may be some underlining feeling that maybe he's not good enough or feels like he is doing it wrong. Do you talk about what makes you feel good when he goes down on you or when your having sex? It helps boost my confidence when she tells me how she likes it so I know I'm doing something she enjoys. Be careful of this because sometimes uncreative guys get "stuck" doing one thing because you told them you like it and then might actually start to hate that thing he does with his tongue so much.


The thing is that i do not demand him to go down on me. Even thought I like it I am perfectly fine without it BUT I want an intercourse: him inside of me. But seems like he just wants a BJ (and yes he wants me to finish it, so as a result no intercourse and no anything else for me). Why won't he WANT to have sex and not just a BJ?


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> if you stopped giving oral sex hed be more likely to be horny when you want to have sex


He would ask me for it and if i say no he would get mad/upset and that would be the end of it. He wouldn't get more horny because of that and even if he would he would find other ways to pleasure himself than do it with me since he would be mad at me for me being selfish and not caring enough about what he wants


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## QueCueYew (Aug 20, 2010)

lady, just dump the guy. 1.5 years may be a long time. but it isn't really anything. and love is just as easy to find as it is fleeting. he isn't the end all for you. i don't even know you and i'm sure you can trust me on this one.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

tissa said:


> He would ask me for it and if i say no he would get mad/upset and that would be the end of it. He wouldn't get more horny because of that and even if he would he would find other ways to pleasure himself than do it with me since he would be mad at me for me being selfish and not caring enough about what he wants


but dont u see that hes being selfish and not respecting your needs? It sounds like he needs a wake up call. Good Luck and be strong.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Your boyfriend is INSANELY SELFISH.

He needs to _do something _to get you off if he expects frequent blow jobs. Even if you enjoy giving him blow jobs, it's unfair and crazy to expect you to go without some kind of release.

He either needs to have intercourse with you, go down on you, or get you off with his hands...or you just tell him no, you won't submit to his horrific selfishness, you have needs too.


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## QueCueYew (Aug 20, 2010)

do you think he might feel sexually impotent? if so that may be the root of all of your troubles. vaginal sex is one thing, and a bj is something COMPLETELY different. it's worth the thought.

edit: also has he ever gone down on a woman before? maybe he's just frightened by foreign territory? or lacks the know how?


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

blkrbt said:


> Tell him you want to be really kinky tonight, handcuff him to the bed and then blindfold...
> Then play...
> 
> 
> ...


Best post in thread!

Lily Allen always has the answer.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

tissa said:


> He would ask me for it and if i say no he would get mad/upset and that would be the end of it. He wouldn't get more horny because of that and even if he would he would find other ways to pleasure himself than do it with me since he would be mad at me for me being selfish and not caring enough about what he wants


Is your self-esteem really this low that you can be manipulated by this garbage? Do you think you can't do any better?

Dude, I'd go out and find something to ride...but it sounds to me like you don't enjoy sex from a purely physical standpoint, so that's an issue too...it's not enough to just have intercourse with him it sounds like if you don't have this emotional experience all the time...and it simply cannot always be an emotional experience, I think that's unrealistic. 

I don't even know your boyfriend and I want to bite him.


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## blkrbt (Oct 29, 2011)

tissa said:


> The thing is that i do not demand him to go down on me. Even thought I like it I am perfectly fine without it BUT I want an intercourse: him inside of me. But seems like he just wants a BJ (and yes he wants me to finish it, so as a result no intercourse and no anything else for me). Why won't he WANT to have sex and not just a BJ?


Alright so lets look at this from another view... Is there any point in the 1.5 years that you felt like you were getting sex and he had no problems taking it to the bedroom? If so when did start doing the BJ only stent? Does he do something while you give him a BJ? Like watch TV or play games, ANYTHING other than pay attention to whats going on downstairs?


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

fourtines said:


> I don't even know your boyfriend and I want to bite him.


ha ha............................


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## Onomatopoeia (Nov 2, 2010)

tissa said:


> *Candid Apple* i do really love him even if it did not sound like it from the post. We have been together for 1.5 years.
> 
> *Clever Waffle *when he said "physical reflex" he meant those moments when he doesn't want to have sex with me. It is not 100% of the time, but more than I would want to. He means that if i pressure him then he feels like it is a duty and not an emotional experience. It is not like he never wants it in the emotional way, but less that i wish he would.
> 
> I just want to understand underlying reasons...


Well, I can't say that I've ever been in this specific position as far as oral sex goes. But my ex did have a significantly lower sex drive in general than I do/did, and occasionally claimed that he felt pressured for sex and also felt intimidated and emasculated by my libido. After a while, I began to feel very unfulfilled and depressed, and I had to re-explain my expectations and needs. Sometimes as the relationship changes, so do the rules. 
If you really want it to work out, then you need to sit him down and say simply "My needs are not being met, and it makes me feel this way. We need to find a compromise and work at this, or move on to people that can meet our individual needs."
Good luck~


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Clever Waffle said:


> "My needs are not being met, and it makes me feel this way. We need to find a compromise and work at this, or move on to people that can meet our individual needs."


dont mention the moving on unless hes unwilling to compromise, it could make him paranoid that you are already looking at new potential lovers.


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

Candid Apple said:


> do you think he might feel sexually impotent? if so that may be the root of all of your troubles. vaginal sex is one thing, and a bj is something COMPLETELY different. it's worth the thought.
> 
> edit: also has he ever gone down on a woman before? maybe he's just frightened by foreign territory? or lacks the know how?


No I doubt he is sexually impotent. I know he masturbates quite a bit when I am not with him. 
He has gone down on women before. And on me as well. But I can count on my hands how many times. Probably on one hand. He just doesn't like it. I did not ask specifically why, but it is not his thing.


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## Onomatopoeia (Nov 2, 2010)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> dont mention the moving on unless hes unwilling to compromise, it could make him paranoid that you are already looking at new potential lovers.


Ah yes, this is true. In my case, I was at the end of my rope. After 3 years and constantly trying to talk about compromising needs and expectations, and being stonewalled in return, I really did have to lay it out there like this. We broke up shortly after due to needs not being met (not just sexually) and his unwillingness to communicate, but also for a multitude of other reasons.


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## QueCueYew (Aug 20, 2010)

> No I doubt he is sexually impotent. I know he masturbates quite a bit when I am not with him.
> He has gone down on women before. And on me as well. But I can count on my hands how many times. Probably on one hand. He just doesn't like it. I did not ask specifically why, but it is not his thing.


than if that's the case it all boils down to if you can handle your sexual frustration or not, further if you can cope and somehow bring him to the sexual performance you're seeking or not. that's about it. there is no amount of text anyone can hurl in your direction which hasn't already been covered up until this point. so... g'luck.


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

blkrbt said:


> Alright so lets look at this from another view... Is there any point in the 1.5 years that you felt like you were getting sex and he had no problems taking it to the bedroom? If so when did start doing the BJ only stent? Does he do something while you give him a BJ? Like watch TV or play games, ANYTHING other than pay attention to whats going on downstairs?


Yeah first half of the relationship was ok. He has always had lower sex drive than me, but we would still have sex every other day or every two days. Well every 3 days max. And I would give his BJs on other days when we did not have sex. To keep him happy and satisfied. 
That was in the beginning. But then i moved away for school and we started having issues: jealousy and arguments. And it started then. Now every time i visit he doesnt act like jumping on me at all. And he would rather have BJs than sex. He doesn't say it but he acts like it. And sex as intercourse now happens rarely. One time I visited him for a week and we only had sex once. We did not see each other before then for 2 months... It was a big breaking point for me and i left and he flew all the way to where i live to ask to be together and stuff...But things have not change in bed. Only now he gets upset with me and says that I am not being sensitive to him and make him feel bad about himself for not satisfying me and that he is not a robot and that when i make him feel that certain way he wants to withdraw from me even more.


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## blkrbt (Oct 29, 2011)

tissa said:


> Yeah first half of the relationship was ok. He has always had lower sex drive than me, but we would still have sex every other day or every two days. Well every 3 days max. And I would give his BJs on other days when we did not have sex. To keep him happy and satisfied.
> That was in the beginning. But then i moved away for school and we started having issues: jealousy and arguments. And it started then. Now every time i visit he doesnt act like jumping on me at all. And he would rather have BJs than sex. He doesn't say it but he acts like it. And sex as intercourse now happens rarely. One time I visited him for a week and we only had sex once. We did not see each other before then for 2 months... It was a big breaking point for me and i left and he flew all the way to where i live to ask to be together and stuff...But things have not change in bed. Only now he gets upset with me and says that I am not being sensitive to him and make him feel bad about himself for not satisfying me and that he is not a robot and that when i make him feel that certain way he wants to withdraw from me even more.


I have to say that from my experience, this has NOTHING to do with sex. Despite him flying to beg for you back, he has lost interest and what probably scares him the most is the fact that he's going to have to get back in the game. He has you, he knows he does and he's just waiting it out. You are a comfort to him and I would venture to say that he's a comfort to you. I think you guys need to talk things out and find out how you really feel about each other. If the sex was fine before and it goes downhill, there is usually a relationship issue that needs to be resolved before it will get better. I don't know you or him but I would venture to say that he's already moved on and he doesn't have enough experience in relationships to realize it. Stop torturing yourself and move on.

Please remember this is just an opinion from someone who has been in similar situations in the past.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

im' a stranger on an internet forum. that said, i cant think of a scenario where the things you've described are okay or reasonable. i would say you and he need to have a Come To Jesus meeting or end it.

again, stranger on an internet forum. but yeah, relationships should involve both parties needs being met. doesn't sound like yours are.


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## kristle (Oct 21, 2010)

I don't know ... I wouldn't put up with this. I don't believe sexual pleasure has to be exactly equal, but I for sure wouldn't be handing out blowjobs if he says he's not in the mood for sex. If he doesn't want sex, he doesn't need a blow job. If I'm not good enough to ride; he's not good enough to blow.

I've been in situations where I wanted intercourse and he's not really feeling it. He never turns down a blowjob, so I might start off with that as foreplay, just to get him in the mood. I don't let the party end though. From this point he can either provide some fun for the whole team or he can finish up his game solitaire style.

At this point, he has nothing to get pissy about. Technically speaking, you've still given him more than he's giving you. Don't let him pull that crap on you. Fuck people who play the emotionally manipulative guilt game to selfishly get what they want.

It sounds to me like he has some emotional resentment, doesn't like intercourse with you, is only using you for blowjobs, or getting his real sex elsewhere. I don't truly know your situation or guy, but these are the possibilities that came to mind that you can rule out where appropriate. Maybe he's just really, really lazy?

You've been spoiling this guy - it's time to cash in your brownie points and don't let him guilt you! Sex should be a team sport. Good luck.


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

blkrbt said:


> I have to say that from my experience, this has NOTHING to do with sex. Despite him flying to beg for you back, he has lost interest and what probably scares him the most is the fact that he's going to have to get back in the game. He has you, he knows he does and he's just waiting it out. You are a comfort to him and I would venture to say that he's a comfort to you. I think you guys need to talk things out and find out how you really feel about each other. If the sex was fine before and it goes downhill, there is usually a relationship issue that needs to be resolved before it will get better. I don't know you or him but I would venture to say that he's already moved on and he doesn't have enough experience in relationships to realize it. Stop torturing yourself and move on.
> 
> Please remember this is just an opinion from someone who has been in similar situations in the past.


I thought about it not once. But i do not hold on to him...he can go and i sure don't want him to stay if he is not into me any more. He is VERY attractive. I mean VERY. Magazine type guy. So he will have no problem to find another girl. But he always comes back (he broke up with me 5 times over issues not related to sex, but would always come back after 2-3 days). He is in his early 30s so I know it is not like he is just too young and inexperienced. I think there is smth psychological or whatever i just don't know what.
And he may be resenting me. I just dont know why


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

OP, I actually will fault you here for not wrapping up matters with him earlier.

If your boyfriend displays such obvious selfishness, give him more time with the one thing he apparently loves most. Your willingness to accept this situation and get walked all over is something that I see as a major weakness. If you keep that attitude in other areas, you will likely spend a considerable portion of your time unhappy.

You should have acted as soon as you saw the behavior in the first place. You've now established a new status quo that will not help your case with him. Consider this your "tough love"-style wake-up call.


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## Creevy (Nov 28, 2011)

tissa said:


> Yeah first half of the relationship was ok. He has always had lower sex drive than me, but we would still have sex every other day or every two days. Well every 3 days max. And I would give his BJs on other days when we did not have sex. To keep him happy and satisfied.
> That was in the beginning. But then i moved away for school and we started having issues: jealousy and arguments. And it started then. Now every time i visit he doesnt act like jumping on me at all. And he would rather have BJs than sex. He doesn't say it but he acts like it. And sex as intercourse now happens rarely. One time I visited him for a week and we only had sex once. We did not see each other before then for 2 months... It was a big breaking point for me and i left and he flew all the way to where i live to ask to be together and stuff...But things have not change in bed. Only now he gets upset with me and says that I am not being sensitive to him and make him feel bad about himself for not satisfying me and that he is not a robot and that when i make him feel that certain way he wants to withdraw from me even more.


When I read that, the first thing that immediately popped out to me was the fact that you moved away to school. From this, I think it's fairly clear why this has happened. He's pissed at you, even if he doesn't fully know it.

I'm not saying it's logical. But I'm saying that at one point, for a full year, you were in his life. You made him happy, gave him emotional and intimate love, and took care of him. And then you were gone. I would venture to say that there's some SERIOUS unresolved issues going on in him about this. Of course he doesn't want to have sex with you--right now, he can barely even look at you without cringing.

Why blowjobs, then? It's a power thing. He gets to lie back and have you take care of him, just like the old days. It makes him feel that he has a say in the relationship. And make no mistake, right now he does not feel that way.

I'm going to go against the other people who have responded and say you should not break up with him. Rather, try to work through it. A year and a half is a good chunk of time to throw away. But, if you talk to him about this I think you'll find that, as someone mentioned earlier in the thread, it has nothing to do with the sex, but rather the feelings of abandonment he is dealing with. Of course, if things go beyond fixing, then you have to be ready to do what is necessary. But I don't think you're there yet; not even close.


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

Creevy said:


> When I read that, the first thing that immediately popped out to me was the fact that you moved away to school. From this, I think it's fairly clear why this has happened. He's pissed at you, even if he doesn't fully know it.
> 
> I'm not saying it's logical. But I'm saying that at one point, for a full year, you were in his life. You made him happy, gave him emotional and intimate love, and took care of him. And then you were gone. I would venture to say that there's some SERIOUS unresolved issues going on in him about this. Of course he doesn't want to have sex with you--right now, he can barely even look at you without cringing.
> 
> ...


There is good logic here. Unfortunately, if they are actually present, these are problems that are very difficult to work through. Sometimes, communication is not enough. If the source of the problem truly is the distance..... well, you know all the million cliches about long distance relationships. And, while trying to salvage it, you get a heavy dose of emotional turmoil.

Specifically @ OP: I think the two of us (@Creevy and I) paint two legitimate pictures here, and represent two sides of the argument. Which, if either, you choose is ultimately up to you. I wish you the best.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

kristle said:


> I don't know ... I wouldn't put up with this. I don't believe sexual pleasure has to be exactly equal, but I for sure wouldn't be handing out blowjobs if he says he's not in the mood for sex. If he doesn't want sex, he doesn't need a blow job. If I'm not good enough to ride; he's not good enough to blow.
> 
> I've been in situations where I wanted intercourse and he's not really feeling it. He never turns down a blowjob, so I might start off with that as foreplay, just to get him in the mood. I don't let the party end though. From this point he can either provide some fun for the whole team or he can finish up his game solitaire style.
> 
> ...


Preach it!

I wouldn't put up with it either.
You've been given him the dessert, so of course he doesn't want the main course.

Tell him that if he does a good job with dinner, then he can have dessert, afterwards!


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

*Unfair, *thats it. Relationships are two way on everything, and if you have problems you should talk, but as for now, don't feed him, I mean, don't give him somehing he doesn't deserve.



tissa said:


> what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs? I am trying to understand those underlying reasons my BF most likely will never tell me about.


The most logical answer would be he likes BJ more than vaginal sex, *but by no means it would make sense here*. It should be fair, two ways. This is not fair to you. That's all I can say and I agree with the comments posted, very healthy, fair and balanced.


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Ask if he'd like you to cum in his face. It just seems whether male or female, doing something like that is disgusting, and I'm sure in the average healthy relationship, there are limits on what is sexually appropriate. If he says "no," well cumming in your face sounds like the woman's version of a BJ, there's only his version of a BJ, that's the time to walk away-because it's not a two way street. I's like the song closing time states, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." By leaving him, and getting into another relationship, one that the guy wants to wait on you, You'll be able to look in retrospect unhealthy relationship, healthy relationship, and that will go the distance to your health and well being. But most things when we're in them, we're caught up in the moment, so it's harder to tell. That's with all things. 

I have a problem with saying no and letting go of things that no longer serve me. Then I rewired my brain and found saying no and standing up for myself, and letting go of attachments, is really healthy. Though I have to be in the right frame of mind to do this.

I like the Lily Allen post.


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## Extraverted Delusion (Oct 23, 2011)

Dunno about you guys, but getting a BJ while watching "Through The Wormhole" with an INTP female is about as good as it gets.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Maybe he's gay?


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Maybe he's gay?


he is not gay


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

Extraverted Delusion said:


> Dunno about you guys, but getting a BJ while watching "Through The Wormhole" with an INTP female is about as good as it gets.


 I am sure. But INFP woman (me) has needs too and loves sex


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

tissa said:


> For what reason would you prefer BJs to sex with your girlfriend/wife?
> 
> I feel like if it was my BFs way BJs would be all we do. It is starting to really bother me that he wants BJs but doesn't seem interested in sex as much at all. He doesn't like giving oral sex, so if I give in completely then I do not get anything at all. At the same time he feels pressured into having sex and it became kind of mechanical on his part (like "do what u have to do" type of things) and I do not like it. If i don't give him a BF then he feels hurt and makes me feel as if i am selfish and only want what i want and do not want to just give him something without wanting anything back. I used to do it a LOT. But we also used to have sex more often. But now sex is rare but he would not mind BJs every day if i was to do it. I tried to talk to him about it and all he says is that his body is not a robot and if he doesn't feel like it then he doesn't feel like it and there is nothing he can do. That i can jump on top and do what i need to do but there will be no emotions or desire coming from him, but only physical reflex. I do not want just a physical reflex. I am young and attractive and I love sex. I have higher sex drive than he does. Also we are in long distance relationship, so you would think he would miss it...But seems like he only misses BJs a lot. I know i need to be open and communicate that with him, I also know that i need to think about if that is what i want for me and all that...
> I guess my question to you, men, is what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs? I am trying to understand those underlying reasons my BF most likely will never tell me about.


Nice choice of title, it kinda grabbed everyone on the forum

question: what type is he? Because it would probably give me a better idea whether he's using you consciously or whether he doesn't realize it.

and for me, its just a question of what kind of mood I'm in. I'm thinking of sex when I'm more passionate (and happy), but sometimes I just feel down on my ass and a bj would bring me back up.

still, I don't think that would be the problem with your bf; I'm just as willing to give oral as I am to get it. 



avalanche183 said:


> For me - I would only prefer BJs over sex when I feel like I really need physical affection. Mind you, physical touch ranks highest on the five love languages for me by a long shot. When someone goes out of the way to give a BJ without me initiating, it's a really big deal to me. I understand your position and your feelings and I do not want my girlfriend to feel that way either (about giving satisfaction and not receiving it) so I always place her needs above my own with sex and oral.


this. I'm exactly like that. Also, haven't seen you on the forum in a long time.



Eerie said:


> Wait a second, did someone in this thread say _doggy style_ was taboo? :|


Lol I think they really just meant that it's not vanilla. I mean, it's far from kinky, but it does feel less like making love, and more like fucking, if you know what I mean.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

I saw the title of blowjobs, didn't read anything else all I can say is; yes, please. Where can I get one?


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## Wendixy (Mar 1, 2011)

Zeptometer said:


> question: what type is he? Because it would probably give me a better idea whether he's using you consciously or whether he doesn't realize it.


She said he's an ESTJ.


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## DefLeppardTShirt (Oct 22, 2010)

tissa said:


> I guess my question to you, men, is what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs?


no babies

but still, I'd say no head and the relationship's dead


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## AbioticPrime (Sep 1, 2011)

tissa said:


> For what reason would you prefer BJs to sex with your girlfriend/wife?
> 
> I feel like if it was my BFs way BJs would be all we do. It is starting to really bother me that he wants BJs but doesn't seem interested in sex as much at all. He doesn't like giving oral sex, so if I give in completely then I do not get anything at all. At the same time he feels pressured into having sex and it became kind of mechanical on his part (like "do what u have to do" type of things) and I do not like it. If i don't give him a BF then he feels hurt and makes me feel as if i am selfish and only want what i want and do not want to just give him something without wanting anything back. I used to do it a LOT. But we also used to have sex more often. But now sex is rare but he would not mind BJs every day if i was to do it. I tried to talk to him about it and all he says is that his body is not a robot and if he doesn't feel like it then he doesn't feel like it and there is nothing he can do. That i can jump on top and do what i need to do but there will be no emotions or desire coming from him, but only physical reflex. I do not want just a physical reflex. I am young and attractive and I love sex. I have higher sex drive than he does. Also we are in long distance relationship, so you would think he would miss it...But seems like he only misses BJs a lot. I know i need to be open and communicate that with him, I also know that i need to think about if that is what i want for me and all that...
> I guess my question to you, men, is what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs? I am trying to understand those underlying reasons my BF most likely will never tell me about.


1. If she is smothering and clingy.
2. If I don't find her particularly attractive.
3. If she's bad at sex (for me). E.g. laying like a corpse, lacking genuine passion, misunderstanding the point of foreplay, etc.
4. If I'm worried I'll be compared and/or I'm worried of acquiring an STD if she's had a vast array of partners in her past.
5. If she has unpleasant odors.
6. If the bed is too frail / walls are too thin for our experience.


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## phillypinko (Dec 27, 2011)

i checked in to see if you were asking men who give bj's for advice or what they think of getting them.if you want advice on technique i'll be happy to share my vast experience on the subject.


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

Serial Hero said:


> 1. If she is smothering and clingy.
> 2. If I don't find her particularly attractive.
> 3. If she's bad at sex (for me). E.g. laying like a corpse, lacking genuine passion, misunderstanding the point of foreplay, etc.
> 4. If I'm worried I'll be compared and/or I'm worried of acquiring an STD if she's had a vast array of partners in her past.
> ...


1. May be. So what? No sex will help? Stupid logic
2.Why be with her then? We have been together 2 years
3. If that is the case then again why be with her? But first of all why not TALK TO HER and tell her what u like? Or is a woman supposed to read a man's mind? Men are all different and what is good for one is not good for another. On the question tho i asked him MANY times if he is satisfied and if he wants me to do smth differently, he ALWAYS says"no" and that he is satisfied.
4.In this case I should be worried coz he had way more partners than i did in the past. And again, why be with me if he is afraid of THAT? SO my answer is NO not this one either.
5. Very much doubt that. I take care of myself well and he likes the smell of my skin
6. Obviously no


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

Zeptometer said:


> Nice choice of title, it kinda grabbed everyone on the forum
> 
> question: what type is he? Because it would probably give me a better idea whether he's using you consciously or whether he doesn't realize it.
> 
> ...


He is ESTJ.

It is not just abt him not giving me oral. It is about him not wanting sex at all.
I guess he just doesnt love me any more and that is it.


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## AbioticPrime (Sep 1, 2011)

tissa said:


> 1. May be. So what? No sex will help? Stupid logic
> 2.Why be with her then? We have been together 2 years
> 3. If that is the case then again why be with her? But first of all why not TALK TO HER and tell her what u like? Or is a woman supposed to read a man's mind? Men are all different and what is good for one is not good for another. On the question tho i asked him MANY times if he is satisfied and if he wants me to do smth differently, he ALWAYS says"no" and that he is satisfied.
> 4.In this case I should be worried coz he had way more partners than i did in the past. And again, why be with me if he is afraid of THAT? SO my answer is NO not this one either.
> ...


@tissa you seem fairly offended/reactive over my answer. Your question was asking for people's subjective preferences, which is what I gave you. You can't exactly tell me that I have stupid logic over what I like or dislike.

I'm sorry if you took my answer to offense -- as if I was describing you rather than my past experiences (unless of course you were one of my past experiences, don't know lol). 

Let me try to explain.

1. My personal preference is for women to be strong and independent -- when a girl is smothering and clingy it twists my attitude towards her. She's usually the one who'll bring up wanting to have sex every time because she's trying to make up for her weaknesses this way. It's redundant to say but it seems you need a little help with this one (I understand you're feeling emotional about your situation -- it's always more difficult to take in constructive criticism at times like this... but fear not -- we're trying to help you...) sex is not entirely physical, a large portion of it is mental.

2. Many times insecure or weak men will sell their souls to a woman regardless of what she's like. Perhaps they need the emotional support due to psychological issues or perhaps they fear not being able to find another woman. But that wasn't what I was referring to anyway... 

BTW, as time progresses the desire for sex with your partner generally plummets. My advice would be to bring about complete change to that. Perhaps change your physical appearance, find out what he genuinely finds attractive, try role-playing (as silly as it seems, it can do wonders), try sex in different places (this one always worked for me). 

3. There's more to a relationship than just the sex. Especially if emotional dependency is in the picture. If he's denying and playing the "forget it" card then clearly you need to find out what he enjoys through a different method. I'd recommend (as I did just up above) trying different positions, different places, perhaps watch some porn and try some of the things you see there (this might be part of the issue if he's watching porn behind your back and then comparing your performance to it). Don't tell him what you're going to do, just do it. It makes it that much more sexy.

4. Sure, he may have had more partners than you but that doesn't mean you haven't had more than just him as a partner. Why would he be with you because he's afraid of that? Because he probably doesn't want to admit that to himself if it is true. This is something I've observed many a time to be true. Perhaps encourage him and make him feel like he's amazing -- lose yourself in the moment! Believe me, if someone truly believes they're good at something they'll have a tendency to enjoy it more. Especially if they think they're the best.

5. I've dated several girls who believed they took care of themselves well enough. Yet...

6. Not much to say. Glad that's not the issue for you -- narrows it down to the above 5. 

Again, I understand you're feeling insecure/emotional about this. Sorry, but please try to take my input as constructive rather than shoving it away. The only way to solve the problem is to try different things.

Also, beware -- if a partner is cheating on you their general desire for sex plummets.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

I hate blowjobs. I have a lot of girth down there, not length and it always hits those gnarly teeth that just take all the sensation and makes it into pain.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

I'd gladly take his place if you'd like, no requirements for BJs here. I'm pretty sure I can fulfill the role quite nicely. Commuting is not a problem.


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## billymark (Nov 3, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> its not using sex as a weapon, its advising him that hes being unfair and therefore you arent going to offer anything to him. Its not a game. Its a fact. He is the one playing games.



Usually I don't agree with women on their views of sex but I do here. I operate under the assumption that most guys know that a woman doesn't view sex the same as guys and that they need different things out of it. I would imagine there is nothing pleasant about giving a blowjob. I would certainly hate to do it and think it's a bit much to ask a woman to do it too.

I don't believe that giving him an ultimatum of bj's for sex is irrational. Obviously he isn't going to bring the subject up so unfortunately you are going to have to push the subject but definitely try to get him to talk about it and try to analyze the situation.

For my last long-term relationship, my sex drive wained pretty heavily after about 6 months and it seemed that hers only got stronger. Once she knew that I didn't find her unattractive and it simply used too much energy/time everything seemed to fall into place rather peacefully. 

So confront him on the subject and try to discover why. If it turns out that he is just a selfish douchebag then I got nothing.
I hope this made sense and don't take what he is doing too hard. I promise you are no less sexually attractive than when the relationship started. From what it sounds like, it's not you, it's him.


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

Serial Hero said:


> @tissa
> Again, I understand you're feeling insecure/emotional about this. Sorry, but please try to take my input as constructive rather than shoving it away. The only way to solve the problem is to try different things.
> 
> Also, beware -- if a partner is cheating on you their general desire for sex plummets.


For one i was not offended at all. And not reactive either. I simply answered your questions.
I take showers every day at LEAST once and he is not my first man so i KNOW I take care of myself. That being said, I do not think u understand... Do u honestly not think i tried everything?
He is just not into me. That is my conclusion. Why he won't leave is coz men apparently have no balls when it comes to that.


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

billymark said:


> So confront him on the subject and try to discover why. If it turns out that he is just a selfish douchebag then I got nothing.
> I hope this made sense and don't take what he is doing too hard. I promise you are no less sexually attractive than when the relationship started. From what it sounds like, it's not you, it's him.


He only says he doesn't feel like it and that he wants it even less when i ask coz he feels pressured


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

tissa said:


> He only says he doesn't feel like it and that he wants it even less when i ask coz he feels pressured


What if he's gay? I'm not making a joke, I mean seriously. Some gay men have even had wives and children. I mean absolutely no insult by this, I'm speaking just what I think could be plausible if you have already ruled out the others.


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## billymark (Nov 3, 2011)

tissa said:


> He only says he doesn't feel like it and that he wants it even less when i ask coz he feels pressured


It sounds like your guy is going to have to learn to work under pressure. I would understand if he liked bj's but gave into sex and made it sort've a business transaction (not to cheapen it, but I always thought the idea of sex was pleasure for both, not just one.). He sounds like he just wants to get his rocks off and go on his way. If you can hold out until he is willing to compromise then that may be what needs to be done, otherwise this behavior is not likely to change. 

And not to take a lowblow because that honestly isn't my m.o. but referring to your post above, he probably doesn't leave, not due to lack of balls, but because you make it too easy to stay. Stop with the blowjobs for a while and see if he sticks around. Demand sex or tell him to gtfo and see how he reacts.

A sex-drive is a terrible thing to waste.


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

tissa said:


> For one i was not offended at all. And not reactive either. I simply answered your questions.
> I take showers every day at LEAST once and he is not my first man so i KNOW I take care of myself. That being said, I do not think u understand... Do u honestly not think i tried everything?
> He is just not into me. That is my conclusion. Why he won't leave is coz men apparently have no balls when it comes to that.


You seem really sad and frustrated. :sad:

If I were there with you, I'd give you a hug, but this image of a kitten hugging another kitten will have to work:









The advice I'd give you is to be honest about your feelings to him. Tell him you feel emotionally invalidated by his disregard for your intimate needs as a human being, and I say if he doesn't care about bonding with you in an intimate way, instead wanting to simply get off with the aid your mouth, you don't need him.

You seem like an amazing girl who's better off with someone who cares about your needs and appreciates you as a human being.

Here's a bouquet of flowers that I thought were pretty:


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Honestly, I'll even pm a phone number, I mean good god, have some sense please!


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Also pussy ≠ a mouth.


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

It sounds like he is a closet homosexual. 

On a serious note, the biggest turn off for me would be having someone in front of me who is completely uninterested. If your boyfriend is attracted to you - both on the physical and emotional levels - he is going to want to rip your clothes off every oppotunity he gets and even more importantly do it out of wanting to please (*not* pleasure) you. If he doesn't it means one of two things -
a) He has really a low sex drive, which is fair enough.
b) He just isn't really into the relationship anymore, for whatever reason.

The problem is you are enabling him by giving him blowjobs whenever he wants them - tbh, I think that has become the only thing keeping him interested at the moment, you'll give whenever he wants so why leave? I wouldn't give him an ultimatum or anything because, if he bothers at all, I imagine he's commitment to it will be short lived and just enough to placate you; it won't get to the root of the problem anyway.

*Stop. Giving. Him. Blowjobs. *

Despite everything he says about you being selfish, it's not unreasonable. You don't enjoy doing it because it's become one sided. Tell him "I'm not giving anymore blowjobs, idc if that makes me selfish. It's just not happening anymore". Hold your ground. Don't initiate sex, let him do it. If he still wants to be with you, even without oral sex on tap, he will make it clear by trying to reignite the physical spark - hell, it might even be good for you to take a break from sex.

If the relationship fizzles out, then you've dodged a bullet and can focus on finding someone who isn't a selfish prick. Oh and one more thing -



> It sounds like he is a closet homosexual.


When you tell people why you broke up, be sure to hint at this :wink:


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## Falling Leaves (Aug 18, 2011)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> I hate blowjobs.


Will you marry me?


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## Navis Amoris (Feb 21, 2010)

I didn't read the whole thread (only the OP actually), but if he can get it up for a blowjob, he can get it up for sex. Clearly everything still functions just fine. 

Now I understand being tired sometimes. I'm in a extremely-long distance relationship (literally on the other side of the world), and both of us are very sexual beings. She wants it like 5 times a day during the 2 months we're together every year... Honestly, after 3 times a day for weeks on end it starts becoming more and more difficult to get a boner after the third round that day. So sometimes she gives me a blowjob to get in me in the mood, but after that I'm expected to spend at least 20 minutes making love to her. Not that it's unpleasant or anything, but it does require some effort.

The point I'm trying to make is that I simply think he's lazy and doesn't have any real excuse. Sex isn't just about what you want, it's also about what your partner needs. Don't put up with his bullshit, or at least press his face between your thighs first and tell him you'll reciprocate after he's finished.


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## DMack (Aug 16, 2011)

@ the OP - Dump him and find someone else. He obviously doesn't care much for how you feel and that's the death of any relationships. As a guy I don't mind BJs, but it's more part of sex than an act unto itself.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

You said you were in a long distance relationship. He's seeing somebody else. Don't settle for that.
Digger Blue


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## tissa (Nov 22, 2011)

Digger Blue said:


> You said you were in a long distance relationship. He's seeing somebody else. Don't settle for that.
> Digger Blue



he swears he doesn't


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## Where Love Died Laughing (Jan 5, 2012)

Did you ever talk to him about him not giving you oral?

Requesting it but not reciprocating is very selfish. It's like saying that you only care about your own satisfaction and not your partners. If anything, most happy couples I know care more about their partner's pleasure than their own. It makes for fantastic sex if both of them think that. That's the way it should be, I think.
Also, him saying that sex is just a physical reflex is horrible. It's like he's saying, "I just want a bj, not going to give you any pleasure at all and I'll just get the sex over with." It shouldn't be like that. Does he look disinterested during sex?

Also, did you talk to him about this? Does he agree with your view that he only wants BJs or does his POV differ?


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## Dalton_C (Jun 2, 2011)

I personally, hate blowjobs. I find it demeaning to women (No b.s.) and I don't find the sound of a woman gagging on my penis attractive. 
I'd much prefer to give oral than to receive it.


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## traceur (Jan 19, 2012)

tissa said:


> For what reason would you prefer BJs to sex with your girlfriend/wife?


well, while physically my xwife's blowjobs (very lacking in technique) have never being better then sex with her (knowing exactly what pelvic motions i liked), but there was a time period (around the same time you posted actually) when it was the thought that would have counted.

in a way blowjobs where code for "do something for me without getting something in return... i don't fucking care what, just something selfless to make me happy, anything to show me that aspect of you hasn't disapeared entirely"

then again if your good at it, blowjobs could just be code for "like your pussy but with a skilled tongue".
in that case you can always just stop before he cums. he'd be romping you in no time.


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## siliconbuddha (Apr 29, 2011)

Just posted this in another older thread then saw this one ...ooops

I'm going to throw the cat amongst the pigeons! I'm a man and not a big fan of receiving blow jobs. Maybe I've just been unlucky and never been with a girl who loves giving. I've been with girls who 'say' they like it and who swallow but I've never felt they lust after it. It seems like most positive responses from girls on this thread are based on turning their man on. But even the 'idea' of having my dick in a girls mouth isn't enough. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't discourage a girl from doing it of she really wanted but I mainly see it as an interlude...

Now giving to a girl is a different matter. She would know categorically that I lust and crave it!


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

To mix things up. Just likes sometimes I'd like to get my SO off purely with my hands or whatever. It makes things interesting. I like a relationship where it's both a push and pull dynamic with regards to sex and as such I like a little of everything. I'm not saying I'd prefer only BJs, as that would be terrible since I love sex, but some of everything keeps things interesting. Spice of life, you know?

It sounds like your BF has some sort of issue, though.


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## Wolfie83 (Oct 2, 2012)

tissa said:


> He only says he doesn't feel like it and that he wants it even less when i ask coz he feels pressured


the simple solution, is for you two to buy a rocks off bullet vibe, and have some fun with that, much easier for him to get you off when you're in the mood for loving, etc...


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Hmmmm... have BJ's replace sex? You make a tempting offer but I refuse. The best part of sex is feeling a warm body against your own. Besides, my girl has TMJ problems, so giving BJ's is difficult for her. But then there'd be no risk of knocking her up. But there are these wonderful devices called condoms. I wouldn't substitute fucking for getting blown.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

_Time unlimited_, in no way, shape or form can oral sex _ever_ "replace" penetrative sex. It's just ridiculous.


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## Chimerical (Feb 28, 2009)

tissa said:


> For what reason would you prefer BJs to sex with your girlfriend/wife?
> 
> I feel like if it was my BFs way BJs would be all we do. It is starting to really bother me that he wants BJs but doesn't seem interested in sex as much at all. He doesn't like giving oral sex, so if I give in completely then I do not get anything at all. At the same time he feels pressured into having sex and it became kind of mechanical on his part (like "do what u have to do" type of things) and I do not like it. If i don't give him a BF then he feels hurt and makes me feel as if i am selfish and only want what i want and do not want to just give him something without wanting anything back. I used to do it a LOT. But we also used to have sex more often. But now sex is rare but he would not mind BJs every day if i was to do it. I tried to talk to him about it and all he says is that his body is not a robot and if he doesn't feel like it then he doesn't feel like it and there is nothing he can do. That i can jump on top and do what i need to do but there will be no emotions or desire coming from him, but only physical reflex. I do not want just a physical reflex. I am young and attractive and I love sex. I have higher sex drive than he does. Also we are in long distance relationship, so you would think he would miss it...But seems like he only misses BJs a lot. I know i need to be open and communicate that with him, I also know that i need to think about if that is what i want for me and all that...
> I guess my question to you, men, is what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs? I am trying to understand those underlying reasons my BF most likely will never tell me about.


Your boyfriends a selfish prick.
A manipulative one at that. He tries to make you feel like you're in the wrong for wanting more than just giving him head all the time. If he's going to continue to be such a prick about it all I'm sure you can find a better boyfriend. You're young and attractive.

Personally I've been in moods where I didn't want much more than a blow job. Usually I'm just tired or depressed or both. But generally girls I'm not emotionally connected to I don't want to have sex with. I've done it before and am just not into it when it's happening. At that point I want to get off and would prefer to get a blowjob and call it a day, but I'm not that selfish.

So I work the magic with my fingers and give a full body massage and make sure the girl gets off before I do, then I get what I need out of it.

Anyway he sounds kinda selfish. You have no reason to feel bad about wanting more.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

tissa said:


> he would not mind BJs every day if i was to do it.


Sounds like a normal male to me :laughing:... 

But seriously, I know if I really cared about my SO, I would be giving her alot (pleasure-wise), and I mean *ALOT*. I would also expect alot from her as well. We would engage in an endeavour to learn and discover eachother, and how we can prolong our love journey through the stary funk outer-space.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

@*tissa*
Well then you know what needs to be done (if you must)... play the same 'game', give only a partial BJ, walk away and remind him you are not a sex worker (deserving emotional physical fulfilment too, then see how long your 'partnership' lasts) and that he won't start getting the completion half until your needs are met too!


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## Kyandigaru (Mar 11, 2012)

i love giving blow jobs...<3


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Blowjobs and sex are like Hot Pockets versus a three-course meal. A Hot Pocket is quick, easy, tasty, and gets you up and moving. However, a Hot Pocket will never be truly fulfilling.

That's where the three-course meal comes in...

If there isn't mutual oral before the intercourse, it wasn't really sex.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Shinji Mimura said:


> If there isn't mutual oral before the intercourse, it wasn't really sex.


So the time I went with a woman who didn't like, because she was uncomfortable with due to past negative experiences, giving oral sex, what we had wasn't sex, since I would perform cunnilingus on her but didn't receive fellatio in return before intercourse?


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## CIGgyStar (Sep 30, 2012)

dump him, ur bf's a douche


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> So the time I went with a woman who didn't like, because she was uncomfortable with due to past negative experiences, giving oral sex, what we had wasn't sex, since I would perform cunnilingus on her but didn't receive fellatio in return before intercourse?


Eh, the way I see it, no, it wouldn't be. Oral sex is awesome, and it's totally the precursor to sex. That, and I don't really accept the notion that past experiences have any impact on present sexual activity. I've known girls like that, and I, too, have negative experiences with eating girls out. However, I'm able to put them aside for the sake of the present; no use letting what one girl did to me ruin it for the rest of women.


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## Wynnteri (Sep 30, 2012)

I was in a relationship like yours for 6 yrs. Don't do what I did.... Don't WASTE 6 yrs of your life on a man who doesn't CARE enough to make you a pirority in his life & his bed. I wish you luck sweets.... I really do.


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## DeductiveReasoner (Feb 25, 2011)

Dump him. Unless you want miserable sex for the rest of your life...


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

DeductiveReasoner said:


> Dump him. Unless you want miserable sex for the rest of your life...


That. Oh, and find me as well... I can give so much lovin', you will be begging to give me blowjobs as thank-you notes! :laughing:


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Shinji Mimura said:


> Master Mind said:
> 
> 
> > So the time I went with a woman who didn't like, because she was uncomfortable with due to past negative experiences, giving oral sex, what we had wasn't sex, since I would perform cunnilingus on her but didn't receive fellatio in return before intercourse?
> ...


I can't express how dismayed I am to find out that I didn't actually have sex during that relationship according to your criteria.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Oh please, I am a hopeless virgin and even I know that vaginal intercourse, with or without oral, is sex. :mellow:


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

blowjobs were great, when that was the best I could expect. Once sex was on the table, blowjobs became an occasional treat.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> I can't express how dismayed I am to find out that I didn't actually have sex during that relationship according to your criteria.


Why are you so easily butthurt? Holy cow.

Also, lol, no shit sex is still sex. Duh. It's just not the same without mutual oral.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Shinji Mimura said:


> Why are you so easily butthurt? Holy cow.


Where exactly were there any emotions (hurt or otherwise) expressed in my quote? I'd like you to point that out for me, if you could. Emotional people seem to read emotions everywhere, even when none exist.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> Where exactly were there any emotions (hurt or otherwise) expressed in my quote? I'd like you to point that out for me, if you could. Emotional people seem to read emotions everywhere, even when none exist.


The fact that you even responded with what you did tells me there was way too much "giving a fuck" in your system. I clearly wasn't even being serious when I said what I said in the first place. Why you felt compelled not only to address me but to even respond in the serious way you did shows that you need to stop being so seriouspants.

[email protected] people. Not I, good sir.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Shinji Mimura said:


> The fact that you even responded with what you did tells me there was way too much "giving a fuck" in your system. I clearly wasn't even being serious when I said what I said in the first place. Why you felt compelled not only to address me but to even respond in the serious way you did shows that you need to stop being so seriouspants.
> 
> [email protected] people. Not I, good sir.


Last I was aware, this was a discussion forum. Occasionally I will reply to posts I read. If that so riles you (to the point that you are now directing things toward me, the person, rather than what is being said), then I don't know what to tell you. Clearly though, this conversation is no longer serving any constructive purpose, so good day to you, sir.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Premium G said:


> Oh please, I am a hopeless virgin and even I know that vaginal intercourse, with or without oral, is sex. :mellow:


Being a virgin isn't hopeless. It's just a pre-condition.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Being a virgin isn't hopeless. It's just a pre-condition.


Tell that to the women that feel too bad to want to take it away from me, because they dont think they are worth it...


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> Last I was aware, this was a discussion forum. Occasionally I will reply to posts I read. If that so riles you (to the point that you are now directing things toward me, the person, rather than what is being said), then I don't know what to tell you. Clearly though, this conversation is no longer serving any constructive purpose, so good day to you, sir.


Just chill out and stop being butthurt all the time, was mah point.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Premium G said:


> Tell that to the women that feel too bad to want to take it away from me, because they dont think they are worth it...



So they do want to take it, or they don't? Are you feeling sorry for yourself, or holding out for someone whom you deem worthy?


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

tanstaafl28 said:


> So they do want to take it, or they don't? Are you feeling sorry for yourself, or holding out for someone whom you deem worthy?


Apparently nobody does. I am not feeling sorry for myself necessarily, just ashamed that I cannot perform the necessary social skills to get this demon out of my system.


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## Ryan (Sep 6, 2010)

@Premium G if you parade your "demon" in your social circles like you do on this forum it's no wonder girls run in the opposite direction.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Ryan said:


> @Premium G if you parade your "demon" in your social circles like you do on this forum it's no wonder girls run in the opposite direction.


I thought the internet was not real. No, I don't bitch about all this shit in public, dude. I am a normal person, don't take the internet so seriously. This should be a place where help and support is offered, yet, whenever I confess to a problem, all I get are remarks like that. I am allowed to be unhappy, and all I am looking for is support/advice/help.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Shinji Mimura said:


> [email protected] people. Not I, good sir.


Whoa, hold on there sir. there's a difference with being emotional and not being able to control your emotions. Two different things.


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## Ryan (Sep 6, 2010)

Premium G said:


> I thought the internet was not real. No, I don't bitch about all this shit in public, dude. I am a normal person, don't take the internet so seriously. This should be a place where help and support is offered, yet, whenever I confess to a problem, all I get are remarks like that. I am allowed to be unhappy, and all I am looking for is support/advice/help.


Don't take the internet so seriously, dude. I'm just one voice--one opinion. 

(Excuse my derailment: carry on)


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Premium G said:


> Apparently nobody does. I am not feeling sorry for myself necessarily, just ashamed that I cannot perform the necessary social skills to get this demon out of my system.



Maybe this advice will help you out too.

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/118300-pure-frustration.html#post2991126


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Ryan said:


> Don't take the internet so seriously, dude. I'm just one voice--one opinion.
> 
> (Excuse my derailment: carry on)


I thought that is what my statement said lol


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Maybe this advice will help you out too.
> 
> http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/118300-pure-frustration.html#post2991126


But what if I _do_ want to get into sex right now?


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Your boyfriend doesn't care about you, dump him immediately.

It's a LDR, he's lost interest in having sex properly with you -- dollars to donuts she's got another girl he is interested in and he's just using you for blowjobs.

A man who loves or cares about his girlfriend takes the greatest amount of pride and pleasure from pleasing her in the bedroom and watching her ... er... orgasm. If he doesn't care if you do or don't, he doesn't care about you.

The rest is just excuses. 
Dump him immediately and never look back, no one deserves to be treated like this -- he's a complete ass.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Premium G said:


> But what if I _do_ want to get into sex right now?



You're still going to have to learn the social niceities involved in the _mating game_. You can't seem too desperate, you can't behave like you lack confidence, you'll need to and you have to spend some time chatting them up a little. Look them in the eyes, be honest, listen to them, and find out what interests them. 

I would say at least 50% of demonstrating confidence is faking it. Maybe a little more, or a little less, but you want to be confident, without being arrogant. You are going to get shot down more than you are going to get lucky. Just expect that to be the case and keep trying. 

Oh, and if you're not looking for long-term, you can go ahead and lower your standards, just use protection.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

android654 said:


> Whoa, hold on there sir. there's a difference with being emotional and not being able to control your emotions. Two different things.


His claim was that emotional people can smell their own.

I refuted it with laughter.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Shinji Mimura said:


> His claim was that emotional people can smell their own.


NF's can smell everybody. But, I was just sayin.'



> I refuted it with laughter.


And that's why we love you.


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

android654 said:


> And that's why we love you.


I much enjoyed what Dawkins said at the reason rally: (and I'm paraphrasing here)

"If you find something to be ridiculous, why, thus, can it not be ridiculed?"


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Shinji Mimura said:


> I much enjoyed what Dawkins said at the reason rally: (and I'm paraphrasing here)
> 
> "If you find something to be ridiculous, why, thus, can it not be ridiculed?"


 No offense Shinji dear but ... *rolls up sleeves* ... be prepared :laughing: 

It's all relative ... I think the fact you didn't ignore the comment in the first place was ridiculous. *shrugs*

Anyways, I agree with the ultimatum thing but not spoken. NO. THEN he loses if he says okay and that is not good. the relationship with probably fall flat on it's face. I would game plan it as a _silent ultimatum. _Actions speak louder than words ... 

you might be pleasantly surprised how he might change his feelings (or be motivated) to get you in the mood. Just a thought ...


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> No offense Shinji dear but ... *rolls up sleeves* ... be prepared :laughing:
> 
> It's all relative ... I think the fact you didn't ignore the comment in the first place was ridiculous. *shrugs*


If I ever do anything ridiculous, my body is ready for ridicule. The only problem I have is when people ridicule my ridiculousness...when there is nothing ridiculous actually being said on my end.

Also long time no chat. I can't believe you haven't sent me a PM yet; our relationship is in need of some serious upkeep :/


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Shinji Mimura said:


> If I ever do anything ridiculous, my body is ready for ridicule. The only problem I have is when people ridicule my ridiculousness...when there is nothing ridiculous actually being said on my end.
> 
> Also long time no chat. I can't believe you haven't sent me a PM yet; our relationship is in need of some serious upkeep :/


:laughing: Omg! The Irony! I love it!!! *sighs* ... that was good Shinji, I had no idea you knew "irony" is of my favorite sort of laughter ... but then again, I'm not sure you did that on purpose which makes me giggle all the more! Oh my goodness ... still laughing >.<

Anyways ... be nice. It wouldn't kill ya


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> :laughing: Omg! The Irony! I love it!!! *sighs* ... that was good Shinji, I had no idea you knew "irony" is of my favorite sort of laughter ... but then again, I'm not sure you did that on purpose which makes me giggle all the more! Oh my goodness ... still laughing >.<
> 
> Anyways ... be nice. It wouldn't kill ya


You're correct in your assertion that I didn't do it on purpose. I still don't honestly know what you're laughing at :O

But it has been killing me. Other girls have been trying to take me away from you, and it kills me since you were the original and my favorite <3

Speaking of irony, calling you "my favorite" in reference to other girls in a topic called "blowjobs." Yup.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Shinji Mimura said:


> You're correct in your assertion that I didn't do it on purpose. I still don't honestly know what you're laughing at :O
> 
> But it has been killing me. Other girls have been trying to take me away from you, and it kills me since you were the original and my favorite <3
> 
> Speaking of irony, calling you "my favorite" in reference to other girls in a topic called "blowjobs." Yup.


:laughing: That was *Classic* And *Fantastic*! 

* as far as the irony .. just read what you wrote slowly. It's an adorable oxymoron  *


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> :laughing: That was *Classic* And *Fantastic*!
> 
> * as far as the irony .. just read what you wrote slowly. It's an adorable oxymoron  *


uh...was it when I said my body is ready for ridicule? Because if so...eh, I guess that did sound funny, but that was more in reference to this:


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Shinji Mimura said:


> uh...was it when I said my body is ready for ridicule? Because if so...eh, I guess that did sound funny, but that was more in reference to this:


Shinji! Damn it! you mean to tell me I STOPPED listening to Queen to have that weird vid irk my iris's ?! :bored: 

you're cute  I am very sure you can figure out the irony in your statement or maybe someone else can. I must be off to bed. Maybe ... *author deleted latter portion of comment as although it was clever and humorous, it gave the wrong impression considering the content of this thread!* :tongue:


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## Shinji Mimura (Aug 1, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> Shinji! Damn it! you mean to tell me I STOPPED listening to Queen to have that weird vid irk my iris's ?! :bored:
> 
> you're cute  I am very sure you can figure out the irony in your statement or maybe someone else can. I must be off to bed. Maybe ... *author deleted latter portion of comment as although it was clever and humorous, it gave the wrong impression considering the content of this thread!* :tongue:


Oh sorry. Here is your Queen:






Just PM me the deleted portion. Have a good night...without me </3 *tucks her in and gives her a kiss on the forehead*


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## MelissaC (May 23, 2012)

Fuck the ultimatums and negotiations, the begging and pleading. Life's too short. Dump him.


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## Elyasis (Jan 4, 2012)

Premium G said:


> Tell that to the women that feel too bad to want to take it away from me, because they dont think they are worth it...


Is that what they said?

*snicker*

Oh no, I'm _sure_ they just want to protect your innocence.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Elyasis said:


> Is that what they said?
> 
> *snicker*
> 
> Oh no, I'm _sure_ they just want to protect your innocence.


Nah, of course they did not say that. And though I appreciate their concern, it is my innocence to destroy if I wish. They should feel no obligation to push me off because they think it would be best.


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## lhebakshyla (Oct 8, 2012)

tissa said:


> For what reason would you prefer BJs to sex with your girlfriend/wife?
> 
> I feel like if it was my BFs way BJs would be all we do. It is starting to really bother me that he wants BJs but doesn't seem interested in sex as much at all. He doesn't like giving oral sex, so if I give in completely then I do not get anything at all. At the same time he feels pressured into having sex and it became kind of mechanical on his part (like "do what u have to do" type of things) and I do not like it. If i don't give him a BF then he feels hurt and makes me feel as if i am selfish and only want what i want and do not want to just give him something without wanting anything back. I used to do it a LOT. But we also used to have sex more often. But now sex is rare but he would not mind BJs every day if i was to do it. I tried to talk to him about it and all he says is that his body is not a robot and if he doesn't feel like it then he doesn't feel like it and there is nothing he can do. That i can jump on top and do what i need to do but there will be no emotions or desire coming from him, but only physical reflex. I do not want just a physical reflex. I am young and attractive and I love sex. I have higher sex drive than he does. Also we are in long distance relationship, so you would think he would miss it...But seems like he only misses BJs a lot. I know i need to be open and communicate that with him, I also know that i need to think about if that is what i want for me and all that...
> I guess my question to you, men, is what would be reasons for YOU to not want sex with your woman, but only want BJs? I am trying to understand those underlying reasons my BF most likely will never tell me about.


Are you an adult?

Then please learn to communicate your needs and wants in your own God forsaken relationship. And learn to ask your man about why he won't fuck you and ravish you.

I'll tell you this... My girls would not settle for blowing alone. They want their orgasms and are grown ups and can hence communicate their needs to me.


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