# NT Personal Growth



## dude10000 (Jan 24, 2010)

I was wondering how studying MBTI has helped the rest of you NTs develop as human beings.

The inspiration for this post happens to be a video I listened to on youtube. A Canadian in his 20s, probably an NT (seems like INTJ or ENTJ) was trying to get into the United States, but ended up creating a lot of unnecessary conflict with the border security personnel, mainly because they were asking him inane, detailed questions without providing reasons for doing so. Really, he was upset because he wanted reasons. The guy ended up detained in jail for a while, but insists he's an "independent thinker" victimized by fascists and thugs. Somehow he recorded the conversation for ten entire minutes, but deludes himself into believing he wasn't causing any trouble.

I've never had a problem going over and back over the border, and I even crossed once with a Swede with Iranian ancestry in the passenger seat. 

A feeling type, for example, might realize that these are just regular people working a crappy, boring job-- some of them may even be underemployed because of the current economic times. But no-- the Canadian just interrupts the border security, as if he's smarter than the dumb Murican peons and therefore has higher status. Instead of looking for a win-win, giving the people the info they're looking for (they just asked where he was going to shop at the shopping mall), he got himself in a win-lose situation and escalated the conversation, especially by raising his voice and continually interrupting. Why was he fighting for? What did he hope to win-- a bucket of hassle? Oh yeah -- his "reasons."

I haven't had a conflict like this in forever. Has MBTI changed my life? Maybe I'm just getting systematically lazier as I get older.

So as NTs, has MBTI improved your social ability? Opened doors? Smoothed things over? We'd all like to hear!


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## NeedsNewNameNow (Dec 1, 2009)

I can't see the video on the computer I'm on right now, but the attitude is familiar..

Is it necessarily NT behavior at work? If I ran across that, I'd understand that it's the system at work, and the people there are just doing their jobs, as annoying as it might be. I could see an F doing something similar if they were offended. Tough call. 


Since learning my MBTI type, I've been working on social skills more.


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

> So as NTs, has MBTI improved your social ability? Opened doors? Smoothed things over? We'd all like to hear!


In finding the MBTI, I would say that the effects it's had on understanding myself have caused the ripple effect of dealing better with others. Before knowing the MBTI (I've known of it since I was eleven, but would consider only the past year 'knowing' of it deeply enough to understand), I felt like I was out of the ordinary and even that things were wrong with me - I definitely went through the 'find out what psychological disorder you have' phase. From the MBTI, I've been able to accept most of who I am and not try to improve upon what others think I should be. Ironically, this has made social situations easier: I'm still quite awkward and don't generally prefer it, but since I'm more relaxed with myself, people seem more at ease and there's no tension in communication.


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

Ha ha. That audio is hilarious. I understand where the guy is coming from, but I agree that he was making things worse for himself by testing the overly sensitive nature of people on "patrol". I got cited one time for not wearing a seatbelt in my car (which was a random event, as I usually wear it). I didn't get pulled over for anything else... but the officer apparently "just knew" I wasn't wearing one. In that case, I refused to concede that his pulling me over was valid, and he got a real ear full. He didn't get riled up by me, and simply cited me, but I was very close to refusing to sign the citation and heading to jail because of how ridiculous I found that situation. I don't think I would have allowed the border situation to escalate as far as he managed, but I do think I would have trouble backing down from border security being so arbitrary, and may have ended up in jail, as well, out of principle. I wouldn't have cared "how much trouble you're in", as long as I felt I was right.

But, yes, I believe I am much less volatile with age, even though I can still be kind of volatile if I feel I'm not in the wrong.


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## Nitou (Feb 3, 2010)

Haha! Did you see "Don't Taze Me Bro?" It's a hit with the spoofers. 

I think almost any NT can identify with the urge to fight the system; border guy lacks the discernment to know when to fight and when to just go with the flow. I understood that law enforcement is an SJ field before I knew what SJ was. The law officers must be in control of the people and situations they encounter while on duty. They must react quickly to a potential threat. There are reasons for the seemingly arbitrary things they do. They ask inane questions to try to detect suspicious behavior. They tell the guy to sit down because it is easier to control a sitting person than a standing person; it gives them another split second to react if he decides to attack or flee. Right or not, they do these things to protect themselves and the public. Border guy demonstrated for us why they _don't_ need to explain themselves. One officer patiently tried to explain why they do what they do, but border guy just kept arguing. He took it personally when it was not personal. They don't have the time to argue with people who won't listen to reason anyway and think that the officer "doesn't like them."

Regarding the question: _So as NTs, has MBTI improved your social ability? Opened doors? Smoothed things over? We'd all like to hear!_

I understand now why I identify closely with some of my relatives (NT/NF), while there is an invisible barrier separating me from some others (SJ). I used to wonder why it is that with some people, I get along well with them, consider them intelligent and maybe share some interests, yet have difficulty engaging them in intellectual (N-style) conversations. They are SP's.

I am starting to understand my ISTJ husband better since we've had difficulty in the last few years. His "logic" drives me absolutely batty, though I can begin to comprehend it in terms of Si>Te>Fi. It still drives me crazy, (especially when he applies it to me and my alleged lack of normalcy or standards), I can't grok it, but at least I have some superficial understanding of it.


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## SuSu (Feb 8, 2010)

JHBowden said:


> So as NTs, has MBTI improved your social ability? Opened doors? Smoothed things over? We'd all like to hear!


Absolutely. 

MBTI has taught me to respect (or at least understand) the differences in peoples' personalities and communicate with them in the most effective (useful) manner. In particular, it has made me realize why I've always had such communication problems with INFP's and ISFP's (dominant Fi). Furthermore it has helped me understand why I've been able to establish deep connections with certain people instantly (NT's and NF's), while never being able to do the same with some very longterm/old friends (SJ's). In the short period of time that I've studied MBTI, I have already become a better communicator at work. I have been able to make the environment less contentious and more productive. MBTI has also made my dating life more interesting, although I'm still on the fence with regards to how much I'd like to apply it there.


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## dude10000 (Jan 24, 2010)

Good responses everyone. 

I also just thought of something from the SP angle-- NT guy had trouble quickly evaluating his *tactical situation*. Whether the situation was rational or not, the border workers had all the power, and Mr. Canadian dude had none.

Perhaps an SP would be far more likely to go with the flow and grumble about the annoying procedures afterward, and then fuggitaboutit.


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## danicx (Dec 5, 2009)

JHBowden said:


> I haven't had a conflict like this in forever. Has MBTI changed my life? Maybe I'm just getting systematically lazier as I get older.


Maybe you're getting systematically lazier as you get older, but I'll add that as a person in my early 20's I identify a lot with that actually. I personally attribute that understanding to two main things - one is a very NT thing, which is being a quick learner, so being able to *intake *"world experience" much more efficiently and intuitively than most people can. And the other thing is (probably an NT/F thing) being dedicated in studying psychology. It's about being very deliberate in learning human interaction. It's like learning to drive a car, you want to get the hang of it as soon as possible so you can do anything and go anywhere. I think especially ENT's search to be able to drive social interaction with that kind of ease. So the systematic "laziness" I think is just the humility that comes with early-on understanding why people do what they do. You become a lot more accommodating and unfazed by mundane conflicts. (It's not just old men who can do that. :laughing


JHBowden said:


> So as NTs, has MBTI improved your social ability? Opened doors? Smoothed things over? We'd all like to hear!


It has quite a lot! Coming to understand the concept of ordered functions has become a very useful tool. As I said, you're more accommodating. And I practise communication with higher standards now. Along with making use of my natural influential talent, I think a lot more about the other person and the specifics of this interaction. It's like being able to see your audience rather than performing behind a screen.

Also, learning how mbti applies to my own personality has a social effect. I've collected a lot of data on my preexisting strengths and weaknesses, and it's just about actively learning, and the effect of even just putting more analytical thought into an abstract thing, human psychology. Another thing I like about the concept of functions is I can isolate what comes naturally to me, and what I don't use as effectively as I could. Just having a definitive idea of the functions, it allows me to focus way more accurately on areas needing improvement. And of course this has social impact as well as personal.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Honestly, MBTI hasn't helped me grow at all. It's helped me understand myself and other people a bit more -- I catch myself thinking "that's a bit of an F thing to do" if somebody does something, but, honestly, I can't say it has helped me grow _yet_.


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## mamuk (Sep 13, 2009)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Honestly, MBTI hasn't helped me grow at all. It's helped me understand myself and other people a bit more -- I catch myself thinking "that's a bit of an F thing to do" if somebody does something, but, honestly, I can't say it has helped me grow _yet_.


what things or experiences did help you grow?:happy:


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

mamuk said:


> what things or experiences did help you grow?:happy:


 Trust you to ask me a difficult question!

To help me grow as a person, I think the greatest contribution were the negative things. I think what helped me grow was the last year of school, where I went to a different school with only a tiny proportion of my old friends and had to rebuild up a friendship group from scratch. I had to build up my self esteem with very little help from the outside world. I think that grew my Extroversion, before that I was Extroverted but it was very repressed. I consider this a really important part of my development for reasons I'll touch on later.

I think my most important part of my personal growth came from my parents. I was taught a lot of things at an early age; a strong sense of wrong and right, I was always showered with books and information and such; I'm not surprised I'm an NT, really. I've always had a lot of friends and I made a great many of them in my early school years. Secondary school (11-16), the first part of my formative years, really suppressed my E. Being smart and a bit of a geek and bad at sports in a British comprehensive (state) school doesn't make you exactly popular, and although I was never a loner because of my large circle of friends, I have to say it fried my confidence.

So my greatest personal growth I think comes from the way my parents raised me, developed my Te and Ni, and then finally the way I managed to push out my E in spite of my surroundings. It's actually interesting to look at this from an MBTI perspective.


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## natashasghost (May 5, 2010)

I used to get so angry when people wouldn't act the way they "should". For the past couple of years I haven't been screaming obscenities when someone merges into me or slamming my shopping cart into someone else's when they see me coming down the isle and then I have to stand there for a full minute while they look at me over and over and leave their cart in the middle of the isle ha. Yeah I really liked what you said about systematically getting lazier. It is a fun way to look at it really. I only found MBTI a couple days ago, but I've always been good at figuring myself out. It was when I realized that my obnoxious behavior (reacting to someone else's obnoxious behavior), could hurt me and those I love that I really started to train myself to not get angry. 

It is surprisingly easy to do when you really want to. Now I'm so proud of myself when someone cuts me off and I can avoid it smoothly and easily and not waste ten minutes bitching or moaning about someone who isn't worth it anyway. And...we're all human, we all make mistakes...it's good if at least one person in a situation can take responsibility for themselves...but I don't have to force everyone else to.


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## Saint Darkness72 (May 8, 2010)

How'd I change? Well, I've became obssessed with it (obviously), but it still helps me understand other people. Otherwise, I think I've actually "adjusted" to be an INTP. Not only that I was tested as an INTP, but I actually like the INTP the most (of course). So I'm actually triing to be an I, N, T and P in most situations, except at some, in which I try to become more of the opposite, as I believe that the opposite types (E's, S's, F's, J's) would do better, but that's actually rare.


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