# Question for Straight Guys: Inorgasmic Woman



## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

During my teen years, with my ex of 3.5 years LDR I couldnt orgasm once during our sex acts. I could orgasm just fine from masturbation, but he just could never make me orgasm. Now in hindsight I can see how we were both quite immature and incompatible, which as a combination made it pretty bad overall as I didn't feel comfortable enough with him to let my mind enjoy the moment. He just couldnt make me feel "safe" enough with him to let go and on top of that, from some point on he blamed me for being unorgasmic, though I was a person with zero self esteem that would take blame quite easily. I also felt a lot of shame and guilt from my sexual nature due to several reasons, so any small attempts he made at pleasing me I deflected. 

All the girls I've known (not many for sure) that had trouble orgasming during sex were along these lines, mostly related to how comfortable they were with the other person, how attentive he was but also their own feelings about themselves. Insecurities and the like can kill it for women. 


I'm not sure I believe the 10% statistic, unless it's related to specific medical issues. Otherwise, I don't see how a woman could not be able to orgasm from a physiology point of view. Most likely it's mental stuff.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

JennyJukes said:


> well am one of those that hasn't orgasmed from piv but ive had sex all different lengths (in more may than one..) but it doesn't matter about that, I find that I only reach close to orgasm in the final seconds. I don't know if it's because the guy goes harder/faster before he climaxes or because I find it hot that he's about to? best go experiment lol.


*hugs*
I too actually feel certain sensations only in the end after he pulls out. 



gritglossandrainbows said:


> 10-15 minutes is like my warm up honestly. I can't orgasm that fast. Look for men who run 45 minutes to an hour as part of their weekly workout regimen. The longer they last during their workout, the longer they might last in bed. Oh and make sure it's not just cardio. Make sure they work out their glutes/legs/core too. This is just my working theory, but it's better than nothing


45 min? Is that actually a rather normal duration? Do I even have the stamina to last that long myself? Wowza. But you know now I'm quite excited to meet a soldier that strong!


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

@pomPOM - if you are serious about giving Mr. Rabbit a try:

Works really well in doggy style or reverse cow girl. I don't know it if goes for all men, but personally I've had trouble with vibration reaching my stomach, made me nauseated, but skinnier men might be less effected. Otherwise it seems to be the perfect fit for women trying to get a clitoral orgasm during penetration.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Wild said:


> This topic kinda pisses me off to be honest with you.
> 
> I don't get how women's orgasms suddenly became more about the man's (or other woman's) interest in her than the woman herself having fun. There's no bigger turn off than being really into it, really hot, then feeling pressured to cum by whoever you're with. Her orgasm is about _her_, not you and your ego, you fool.
> 
> ...


*This* is why you're my #1 girl crush <3


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

I don't know. I've never been shamed, never had issues with getting clitoris orgasms from young age, never felt pressured to have an orgasm, do not feel tainted, shamed, but encouraged and desired... Never anticipated it would be an issue.


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## Desthro (Feb 18, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> Ok. It's just foreign to me that sex without orgasm is nothing. Aren't there plenty of pleasurable things we do that don't involve orgasming?
> 
> I thought of this example. Imagine you've joined a cult that prohibits orgasming when having sex with another person. You may jerk off all you like when you're alone, and you may have any kind of sex you wish with your partner, just do not cum. Would you then stop having sex entirely, because it's nothing without an orgasm? (Come to think of it, maybe for a man this is a difficult thought experiment.)


It's not nothing without an orgasm, it just what I would PREFER. And preferences are acceptable. That's the point. People here seem to be enjoying the notion that everyone's sexual preferences should be accepting of people who have difficulty orgasming, when that position is a two-way street.

It's not wrong to want a partner who can reach orgasm more easily. And the shaming of people who voice that opinion is just as wrong as those who shame others who have a hard time with it. It's a preference. Just like some guys like huge tits and not small ones. There's nothing wrong with that. There's something for everyone.


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## JennyJukes (Jun 29, 2012)

Jamaia said:


> I don't know. I've never been shamed, never had issues with getting clitoris orgasms from young age, never felt pressured to have an orgasm, do not feel tainted, shamed, but encouraged and desired... Never anticipated it would be an issue.


yup same. feel totally at ease with partner - can orgasm easily with foreplay - it's just that PIV doesn't do much for me in that aspect. well sex still satisfies me and if i need an orgasm i can get it other ways. so im not going to overthink it lol.


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## Whatevs (Oct 17, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> Ever been with a woman who could not orgasm? Either at all, or could orgasm when masturbating but not with you (during sex). Some sources say up to 10% of women can't orgasm at all, that's a lot!
> 
> Was it a problem for you? Was there a solution? How did her not orgasming make you feel? Any thoughts?


Of course. And I don't care. That falls under the category of "Not My Problem!" :dry:


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## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

kaleidoscope said:


> *This* is why you're my #1 girl crush <3


Love you too bb <3


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

pomPOM said:


> I see. You like your mommy to do everything for yourself while you sit and feast on her fruits.
> 
> EDIT: I just realized how wrong this sound omg.


PoxyMama doesn't want me anymore! Why would you bring that up? Things were so easy when it was a few months ago.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Desthro said:


> It's not nothing without an orgasm, it just what I would PREFER. And preferences are acceptable. That's the point. People here seem to be enjoying the notion that everyone's sexual preferences should be accepting of people who have difficulty orgasming, when that position is a two-way street.
> 
> It's not wrong to want a partner who can reach orgasm more easily. And the shaming of people who voice that opinion is just as wrong as those who shame others who have a hard time with it. It's a preference. Just like some guys like huge tits and not small ones. There's nothing wrong with that. There's something for everyone.


Yeah, didn't mean to make you or anyone feel shamed. It's admirable that you take pleasure in your partner's pleasure. I get it must feel good to see them climax because of you and that you want to get to experience that, and even that if you don't get to see that you feel like something is missing for you. I guess the thing is that it seems like you're quantifying someone else's oleasure, their experience, according to your own standards of what is pleasurable to them... But maybe you were just saying you want to see them cum and that's it.

This is proving to be a difficult thing to relate to. I'm trying to compare how I'd react to him not being able to orgasm, but the man getting off is such a default thing... Is it a double-standard then, to hope as a woman that he would be ok with me not orgasming, knowing that I'd probably have hard time with him not cumming.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> This is proving to be a difficult thing to relate to. I'm trying to compare how I'd react to him not being able to orgasm, but the man getting off is such a default thing... Is it a double-standard then, to hope as a woman that he would be ok with me not orgasming, knowing that I'd probably have hard time with him not cumming.


Makes you wonder about the role of blue balls. From puberty men associate not getting off with physical pain and discomfort, which might be why it's hard to relate to someone enjoying sex without cumming.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Tropes said:


> @pomPOM - if you are serious about giving Mr. Rabbit a try:
> 
> Works really well in doggy style or reverse cow girl. I don't know it if goes for all men, but personally I've had trouble with vibration reaching my stomach, made me nauseated, but skinnier men might be less effected. Otherwise it seems to be the perfect fit for women trying to get a clitoral orgasm during penetration.


I think I would certainly be serious about it when in a relationship. I'm checking now all kinds of vibrating rings in general. Haven't really browsed through the toy section much before.

P.S. I wonder if ''Did you know no man has been able to make me come before?'' could work as a kick ass pickup line  superman to the rescue sorta thang.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

pomPOM said:


> I'm curious - how long does the penetration usually have to be for you to reach an orgasm, gals? Maybe my partner's have been too quick. although something like 10-15 min. didn't do it either.


Depends how aroused I am when penetration starts. For me, it doesn't matter how long the penetration lasts, it's about my level of arousal. If I'm horny enough, I can come within seconds of penetration. 

Have you tried edging with self stimulation before and during sex?


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

pomPOM said:


> I think I would certainly be serious about it when in a relationship. I'm checking now all kinds of vibrating rings in general. Haven't really browsed through the toy section much before.
> 
> P.S. I wonder if ''Did you know no man has been able to make me come before?'' could work as a kick ass pickup line  superman to the rescue sorta thang.


That's the one thing Ive never really been into. Toys. If a woman has toys, Id rather just leave her to her toys and find a woman that wants to be with a person.


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## Perso Uno (Sep 9, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> Ever been with a woman who could not orgasm? Either at all, or could orgasm when masturbating but not with you (during sex). Some sources say up to 10% of women can't orgasm at all, that's a lot!
> 
> Was it a problem for you? Was there a solution? How did her not orgasming make you feel? Any thoughts?



My last ex had a lot of trouble reaching climax. She would typically need around a half hour or sometimes more of foreplay with a toy in order to cum. 

Not much a problem for me while she was still having sex with me, she was always super eager to please me. Plus I enjoyed the challenge. 

Solution was to just set aside some extra time and use a toy on her. 

Her not cumming made me feel a little sad... like, I want you to feel how awesome this can be! :tongue:
But we came up with a solution and all was well. 



I have been with a woman who has never had an orgasm before in her life. Best. Sex. Ever. She got into some super rough things that she wanted me to do to her. No matter what I did all I heard was 'harder' and it was like I couldn't hurt her. Got a little too rough though.... lol oh well. 

I think her vagina sucked out some of my soul that day o.0


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Reality Check said:


> That's the one thing Ive never really been into. Toys. If a woman has toys, Id rather just leave her to her toys and find a woman that wants to be with a person.


Toys are novelty items. Not a replacement for a person (although sometimes they might be a substitute). I'm a little surprised to hear a guy with that opinion, not that you're not entitled to it. Just, unusual.


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## Desthro (Feb 18, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> Yeah, didn't mean to make you or anyone feel shamed. It's admirable that you take pleasure in your partner's pleasure. I get it must feel good to see them climax because of you and that you want to get to experience that, and even that if you don't get to see that you feel like something is missing for you. I guess the thing is that it seems like you're quantifying someone else's oleasure, their experience, according to your own standards of what is pleasurable to them... But maybe you were just saying you want to see them cum and that's it.


I'm all for having that conversation with my partner, and the sooner I know the better lover and partner I can be. 



> This is proving to be a difficult thing to relate to. I'm trying to compare how I'd react to him not being able to orgasm, but the man getting off is such a default thing... Is it a double-standard then, to hope as a woman that he would be ok with me not orgasming, knowing that I'd probably have hard time with him not cumming.


Seems like a preference to me.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Tropes said:


> Makes you wonder about the role of blue balls. From puberty men associate not getting off with physical pain and discomfort, which might be why it's hard to relate to someone enjoying sex without cumming.


I don't understand how it can be hard to relate, is it not obvious that she is enjoying it... I mean, orgasms can be faked, orgasms can happen even withoutn too much enjoyment really, why is it such an epitome of pleasure.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Neverontime said:


> Have you tried edging with self stimulation before and during sex?


Yes. Both. Helps - those are the times I can come during sex. But I'm in general very sensitive (apparently everywhere except for the vagina. great design) so fingers can sometimes be too rough. Tongue is the best thing ever. 
I also prefer to use my hands exploring the guys body during penetration, but I am starting to think that my orgasms are my own responsibility so less exploring him, more exploring myself from now on.



Reality Check said:


> That's the one thing Ive never really been into. Toys. If a woman has toys, Id rather just leave her to her toys and find a woman that wants to be with a person.


Tbh I share your stance in a way - I haven't used any toys before because I feel like it takes away exactly what I love about sex - spontaneity and passion. Almost an animalistic passion. But if I felt very, very sexually comfortable with my partner then I think it would be very fun to explore all the other ways of sex. I'm quite intrigued by the idea now.

@Desthro would you say her not being able to climax can be a deal breaker for you?


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## Desthro (Feb 18, 2016)

pomPOM said:


> @Desthro would you say her not being able to climax can be a deal breaker for you?


Not at all. It's just a preference.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

I'm now wondering why a bunny and a pink bunny at that, if it's a cock ring.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

pomPOM said:


> Yes. Both. Helps - those are the times I can come during sex. But I'm in general very sensitive (apparently everywhere except for the vagina. great design) so fingers can sometimes be too rough. Tongue is the best thing ever.
> I also prefer to use my hands exploring the guys body during penetration, but I am starting to think that my orgasms are my own responsibility so less exploring him, more exploring myself from now on.
> 
> 
> ...


I used to masterbate, but I realised that decreased my sex drive and I didn't enjoy sex with a woman as much. So I have always viewed toys as the same thing. 

Also same as Porn and most TV tbh, since cutting that out completely (apart from odd Netflix series and DVD boxset) I find women generally a lot more attractive.

Hell when I stopped all that stuff that was bad (to me) women started stirring mad emotions in me that I hadn't felt since I was a horny teenager. And I'm not even going to go into details of an increased sex drive. Its like being a teenager all over again at times.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

I think the whole "sex without orgasm is enjoyable" thing is a double edged blade. Yes of course sex is fun in general even if you don't climax, but if someone can choose what they prefer I doubt any woman would choose to not orgasm. Saying that too much seems to be a sort of lie that women say to themselves to feel better that they can't orgasm, instead of accepting that it sucks and they should find out why that happens and make it work, with the proper communication and help from their partner. At least it was for me, back in my teen years that things were like that (see my previous post) and I've also seen it being used in that context by other women as well. 

I just feel that this should stop being said like that. Obviously sex is fun and pleasurable, which is why you eventually get an orgasm if things go well. After 8 years of having frequent orgasms with my boyfriend and having trouble every now and then (usually coincides with a week after my period ends) I see the difference and even during my low libido phase, my body does feel frustrated from not orgasming and I do feel that I wasn't satisfied. So overall, I think it's a disservice to women to say these things to themselves.


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## ocean_crow (Oct 25, 2016)

No chance for simultaneous orgasm  It doesn't happen all the time but when it does it's fantastic.

I was in an LTR with a girl who couldn't orgasm through penetration and at first it was frustrating, not going to lie. I thought I was doing something wrong. Then she told me she didn't come that way and I was thinking that everyone else before me had done something wrong and kept trying different approaches. It took awhile for it all to connect and it shouldn't have, I guess, but despite her telling me otherwise I couldn't help but think it was something wrong with me. She appreciated my trying tho, most guys didn't. Most guys don't really try much at all is what I hear a lot.

I could make her come orally, albeit it took a long time. It became normal for her, expected, and it was a little frustrating. When being between someone's legs for thirty-five minutes or more becomes mandatory it loses its appeal. My pleasure was an after thought and she'd try to hurry me through it, acting bored and continually asking me if I was done. My efforts didn't match what I was getting in return and I felt bitter. Don't get me wrong, I like going the extra mile, but that person has to appreciate what I''m doing. A half an hour on a bed, using your mouth muscles while putting your neck in an almost painful position four to five times a week wears on you.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Desthro said:


> And the shaming of people who voice that opinion is just as wrong as those who shame others who have a hard time with it. It's a preference. Just like some guys like huge tits and not small ones. There's nothing wrong with that. There's something for everyone.


There's _nothing_ wrong with preferences. Preferences are natural, but a preference also implies it's okay if it isn't there. I prefer big tits,* but it's also okay if she has small breasts. *

There IS something wrong with shaming, with making someone feel guilty, with doubting how much they want you, or assuming there's something's wrong with them. Or saying that it "sucks" that they can't have an orgasm from penetration. Or taking it personally and becoming insecure about it.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> I think the whole "sex without orgasm is enjoyable" thing is a double edged blade. Yes of course sex is fun in general even if you don't climax, but if someone can choose what they prefer I doubt any woman would choose to not orgasm. Saying that too much seems to be a sort of lie that women say to themselves to feel better that they can't orgasm, instead of accepting that it sucks and they should find out why that happens and make it work, with the proper communication and help from their partner. At least it was for me, back in my teen years that things were like that (see my previous post) and I've also seen it being used in that context by other women as well.


Sorry but this pissed me off. Would it be even more mind blowing if I could come every time I had sex? Yes! Of course it would! DUHH. That's not what anyone is implying. But should I now not have sex because I can't orgasm? Or open up a research project, invite all the best sexologists so we can together discover why I'm not coming before I even dare to talk about sex or desire it? ....????????????
You can of course think that way but honey.... don't you take away my slice just because I can't eat the whole cake.

I don't get how you could actually think that way.


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## Desthro (Feb 18, 2016)

kaleidoscope said:


> There's _nothing_ wrong with preferences. Preferences are natural, but a preference also implies it's okay if it isn't there. I prefer big tits,* but it's also okay if she has small breasts. *
> 
> There IS something wrong with shaming, with making someone feel guilty, with doubting how much they want you, or assuming there's something's wrong with them. Or saying that it "sucks" that they can't have an orgasm from penetration. Or taking it personally and becoming insecure about it.


You really should read the rest of the thread before jumping to such conclusions.


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## Perso Uno (Sep 9, 2016)

Aridela said:


> I consider myself one of the lucky ones.
> 
> Never had any issues reaching an orgasm even on one-night stands.
> 
> On very rare occasions I may not cum, but I don't think it matters. No partner I had ever had an issue with it. Sure, some will go to great lengths to make sure I come on the first night or two, but I just tell them my orgasm is my business tyvm. I mostly cum from penetration/G spot stimulation anyways. No need to rub my clit like there's no tomorrow, focus on humping please.



And you're an INTP.... 

Call me :wink:


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## JennyJukes (Jun 29, 2012)

Red Panda said:


> I think the whole "sex without orgasm is enjoyable" thing is a double edged blade. Yes of course sex is fun in general even if you don't climax, but if someone can choose what they prefer I doubt any woman would choose to not orgasm. Saying that too much seems to be a sort of lie that women say to themselves to feel better that they can't orgasm, instead of accepting that it sucks and they should find out why that happens and make it work, with the proper communication and help from their partner. At least it was for me, back in my teen years that things were like that (see my previous post) and I've also seen it being used in that context by other women as well.
> 
> I just feel that this should stop being said like that. Obviously sex is fun and pleasurable, which is why you eventually get an orgasm if things go well. After 8 years of having frequent orgasms with my boyfriend and having trouble every now and then (usually coincides with a week after my period ends) I see the difference and even during my low libido phase, my body does feel frustrated from not orgasming and I do feel that I wasn't satisfied. So overall, I think it's a disservice to women to say these things to themselves.


yes I would choose to orgasm.. because i'm told, like you've just hinted, that there's something wrong with me if I can't (lack of communication?? lying to myself?? :S)!! but no, I mean it when I say, sex is enjoyable without orgasm. I don't always have sex just for the pleasure of it as it means more to me than that and it isn't the goal for me. the goal is to have intimate time with my partner. and like I say, if I want an orgasm I can get it in other ways, not just through sex.

so yeah that's fine if you've found a way for *you* to make it work - but it doesn't mean it'll work for everyone. I have a good relationship with my partner and I am satisfied in ways other than orgasming from *sex*, so thanks but I don't need to be fixed nor does my relationship lol.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> I don't understand how it can be hard to relate, is it not obvious that she is enjoying it... I mean, orgasms can be faked, orgasms can happen even without too much enjoyment really, why is it such an epitome of pleasure.


My guess is that it's simply projecting the physical discomfort and pain we experience when we don't get off. 

My own take on it: I am fine with it happening _sometimes_, it has happened to me at times, it happened to partners of mine, and there's a bit of reassurance there, knowing that when she doesn't have it she doesn't fake it helps reinforce that it's real the rest of the time. It's also nice knowing that sometimes it's ok to be egoistical. I've had sex when I wasn't really horny for my partners, my partner's have had sex when they weren't very horny for me, and sometimes when you aren't very horny, you don't get off, and it's fine - you make your peace with it. In a long term relationship not every time can be the perfect mutual bonding adventure you'd want it to be, and the couples I've seen who expect it to be usually end up frustrated for not getting much of anything at all.

As to how would I deal with someone who can't orgasm... I don't know. I was lucky so far to not have to face that. It wouldn't be easy, only once in my life have I gone with someone who didn't desire sex as much as I did, and I absolutely hated the position that puts me in, I saw visions of my future self as one of those sitcom couples where sex is a favor a man gets in an exchange, and my entire system went into "Noooooooo!", I don't ever want to ever be one of those men. On the other hand, while it's easy to say it's a deal breaker now, seen as it isn't a detail you find on people's facebook pages, would I break up with someone over that if I really liked them in all other areas? I honestly don't know, and am kind of hoping to never have to find out.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

kaleidoscope said:


> There's _nothing_ wrong with preferences. Preferences are natural, but a preference also implies it's okay if it isn't there. I prefer big tits,* but it's also okay if she has small breasts. *
> 
> There IS something wrong with shaming, with making someone feel guilty, with doubting how much they want you, or assuming there's something's wrong with them. Or saying that it "sucks" that they can't have an orgasm from penetration. Or taking it personally and becoming insecure about it.


I totally agree with what you say here.

But can I ask you a question, do you like to chase or be persued?

This may sound a bit off. But in regards of preferences, the way I see it, if some is chased more often they are going to have a pool of available people, who may or may not meet preferences.

But if someone is the chaser, then they are going to choose who they want to attempt to connect with. So in that regards, preferences make a bigger impact, due to choice. 

If I lived in a small town and there were only 10 females there around my age who were single and ready to mingle then sure my preferences may have be forgotten.

But in a city, there are lots of opportunities and lots of choices.

I do get what you are saying, but I don't personally think it is as clean cut. For me personally, if there is someone who I prefer, why would I try and connect with them? Why would I try and connect and build some sort of relationship with someone who dosnt meet my preferences?

To be metaphorical. Theres a site called Plenty Of Fish. So lets take the Fish Metaphor, the fish and the fisherman/fisherwomen. Why attractive bait (physically attractive, mentally attractive, whatever) is dangled, they are going to go for it regardless of preferences. When the fisherperson decides where they are going to fish, they are going to go for the spot which they prefer.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

JennyJukes said:


> yes I would choose to orgasm.. because i'm told, like you've just hinted, that there's something wrong with me if I can't (lack of communication?? lying to myself?? :S)!! but no, I mean it when I say, sex is enjoyable without orgasm. I don't always have sex just for the pleasure of it as it means more to me than that and it isn't the goal for me. the goal is to have intimate time with my partner. and like I say, if I want an orgasm I can get it in other ways, not just through sex.
> 
> so yeah that's fine if you've found a way for *you* to make it work - but it doesn't mean it'll work for everyone. I have a good relationship with my partner and I am satisfied in ways other than orgasming from *sex*, so thanks but I don't need to be fixed nor does my relationship lol.


I'm not necessarily talking about orgasm through PIV sex, but generally being able to please each other. 
And, I also don't necessarily mean that there's something "wrong" with you. It can be something as simple as trying things differently, not something pathological or serious. Like, for example some women that can't orgasm from PIV they like to use clitoris-stimulating toys or use their hands simultaenously. No need to become so defensive about it.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

pomPOM said:


> Sorry but this pissed me off. Would it be even more mind blowing if I could come every time I had sex? Yes! Of course it would! DUHH. That's not what anyone is implying. But should I now not have sex because I can't orgasm? Or open up a research project, invite all the best sexologists so we can together discover why I'm not coming before I even dare to talk about sex or desire it? ....????????????
> You can of course think that way but honey.... don't you take away my slice just because I can't eat the whole cake.
> 
> I don't get how you could actually think that way.


this is making me laugh because you definitely did not get my point at all
Where the hell did I even hinted that you shouldnt have sex at all or anything similar? Jesus...


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## Perso Uno (Sep 9, 2016)

kaleidoscope said:


> I suspect most guys take it personally or get frustrated with it. They think it's an issue with their performance, and don't really understand that a woman can enjoy sex tremendously, even if she didn't get an orgasm. (I know I do)


Fun fact! It's the same with women. Around 1/3 of the time I'll have trouble cumming myself and women seem to take it personally. So if things are taking too long and we're both getting tired I'll just fake one. It's a lot easier than having to explain why my teenage years may still be lingering on my penis...


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> this is making me laugh because you definitely did not get my point at all
> Where the hell did I even hinted that you shouldnt have sex at all or anything similar? Jesus...


I really maybe didn't get your point cuz the point I took from your text is that those who say sex is still enjoyable even without an orgasm are lying to themselves which is simply ignorant. 



> Saying that too much seems to be a sort of lie that women say to themselves to feel better that they can't orgasm, instead of accepting that it sucks and they should find out why that happens and make it work


Please elaborate then, I am still triggered by it.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Perso Uno said:


> Fun fact! It's the same with women. Around 1/3 of the time I'll have trouble cumming myself and women seem to take it personally. So if things are taking too long and we're both getting tired I'll just fake one. It's a lot easier than having to explain why my teenage years may still be lingering on my penis...


Ditto, Ive had that issue before. That said, I will openly admit I was watching too much porn at that point in my life. Which for me was the issue for me. 

But instead of just saying "Its the way I am", I self reflected and looked for the cause. Again that was my personal issue, it may not be similar for everyone else, but for me there was a root cause and I got to the bottom of it.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Red Panda said:


> I think the whole "sex without orgasm is enjoyable" thing is a double edged blade. Yes of course sex is fun in general even if you don't climax, but if someone can choose what they prefer I doubt any woman would choose to not orgasm. Saying that too much seems to be a sort of lie that women say to themselves to feel better that they can't orgasm, instead of accepting that it sucks and they should find out why that happens and make it work, with the proper communication and help from their partner. At least it was for me, back in my teen years that things were like that (see my previous post) and I've also seen it being used in that context by other women as well.
> 
> I just feel that this should stop being said like that. Obviously sex is fun and pleasurable, which is why you eventually get an orgasm if things go well. After 8 years of having frequent orgasms with my boyfriend and having trouble every now and then (usually coincides with a week after my period ends) I see the difference and even during my low libido phase, my body does feel frustrated from not orgasming and I do feel that I wasn't satisfied. So overall, I think it's a disservice to women to say these things to themselves.


I only expressed that because there's so much fixation and pressure on women to get off during sex, and men seem to assume that she's not enjoying herself, or that they failed as sexual partners, or that she doesn't desire them because she didn't reach an orgasm. It seems like the meaning assigned to a woman having an orgasm is misplaced, and is too tied to her partner, rather than her own fulfillment. Too much pressure, or not enough caring: both extremes are bad. I would say insecurity plays a big part here. We would all love to brag about how many times we made our partner cum, let's be real. 

It should be important and something your partner should care about, but also not take personally or causing problems and guilt if it doesn't happen.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Jamaia said:


> I'm now wondering why a bunny and a pink bunny at that, if it's a cock ring.


Lol. 
To stop him playing with it alone. Guy + gadget + penis, if it weren't a pink bunny we wouldn't see them for days. 
:laughing:


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Neverontime said:


> Lol.
> To stop him playing with it alone. Guy + gadget + penis, if it weren't a pink bunny we wouldn't see them for days.
> :laughing:


It's also just so innocent, you wanna try it out. if it was Mr. Sharp teeth Shark my instant reaction would be - it's gonna bite my clit off.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

pomPOM said:


> Do you think it desensitizes you mentally/emotionally AND physically too?


Firstly I'm not claiming this is fact, but Ive experienced it, one of my mates experienced it and others claim to have experienced it on the NoFap forums.

Mental Fog Goes
More Energy 
More focus
Loads of repressed emotions (sure in my case I had past issues resurface that I had just escaped from by masterbating)
Better sleep
I could go on



> I think it was 40 days and 40 nights, about the guy who decides to go no fap for 40 days and surprise surprise meets the love of his life during that time.
> Ohh I can imagine how much more sensitive you become when keeping yourself from masturbating. There are gurus who go into celibacy for the very reason that they become so sensitive in all the possible ways - it's like a non stop ''right before orgasm'' feeling. I am considering something similar and really waiting for a guy I will have a strong connection with and will feel extremely comfortable with. Just imagining the sensations...


It is actually stupidly easy to get aroused. I leaned over my kitchen counter and my crotched touched the counter age which resulted in a boner and similar incidents. I can stabilise this by doing harder (no pun intended) workouts at the gym than I used to, so that I am shattered and aching. 

But yeah I'm a lot more sensitive. But this could be the "Death Grip"



> Death grip refers to the force and pressure men apply to their cocks when fapping. Vaginas cannot come close to that sort of grip or friction. So, fapping all the time trains your cock to ejaculate only with a tight grip. As a result, guys can develop delayed ejaculation--they can't cum through normal intercourse.





> Now this makes me wonder whether someone who is abstaining from sex and fapping could possibly be more charming. I'm simply basing it on the fact that our bodies tend to subconsciously give out physical signals that would make us more desirable in the other genders eyes once we are sexually attracted to someone. It is our way to achieve reciprocation in the attraction. For instance women's cheeks get more red signaling health and youthfulness, their voices get higher signaling a higher level of the female hormone. For men there are such signals too. So if someone has been abstaining from any sexual pleasure and their own sexual drive is more sensitive, would the body be also more sensitive to the opposite gender and more actively give out these signals?


I definitely attained a higher level of charisma and would honestly say I was more "charming" or "smoother" (ask the mum who I was chatting to, who rang her 19 year old daughter to come and meet me as I was such a "good catch"). But there are a few theories on this, one of them is that fapping trains the brain to release sexual urges via the hand. But once the hand is taken away, the urges are still there, so the subconscious realises that attracting women is the only way to get the dopamine hit that comes with an orgasm.

Regardless of the truth, I am a lot happier with my life now I am on the NoFap lifestyle. Sure I still have reboots but over the last 2 years my average time between fapping has increased. 





> High speed porn? Elaborate?


When I was a kid the internet was not a common thing. So no porn sites, the only porn I saw when I was younger was the page 3 girl and the odd playboy magazine. And even when I first got internet access at age 18, it was diaup.

But kids nowadays have broadband from an early age. so instead of sneaking a peek at a page 3 girl, I guess they can just get their iPhone or whatever and goto a porn site.

I will even admit I did it at one point, I opened up 10 browser tabs, set them to cycle and put a different porn channel on each one. I don't actually think its healthy for the brain to be getting all these dopamine hits, then when going into the Real WOrld nothing compares, so the brain doesn't have any reward circuitry going.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

kaleidoscope said:


> What if she was dripping wet, extremely eager and active, expressed tons of pleasure, came close many times? Would that still imply lack of interest or sexual interest simply because she didn't have an orgasm?


Well surely arousal in general is an indicator of attraction? That also implies sexual interest. But then I have to wonder.. that sounds incredibly frustrating rather than enjoyable... it even kinda sounds like you're describing edging (one of the points of which is to ultimately make orgasm more pleasurable). :ambivalence: 

Anyway, imo faking is way more...'offensive' than inability to orgasm, because at least the latter isn't deceptive and like, making it about protecting someone's ego. 



gritglossandrainbows said:


> 10-15 minutes is like my warm up honestly. I can't orgasm that fast. Look for men who run 45 minutes to an hour as part of their weekly workout regimen. The longer they last during their workout, the longer they might last in bed. Oh and make sure it's not just cardio. Make sure they work out their glutes/legs/core too. This is just my working theory, but it's better than nothing


But core workouts/anearobic stuff doesn't work like cardio... different types of muscle/metabolism, so it has to be done in short spurts with breaks.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Well surely arousal in general is an indicator of attraction? That also implies sexual interest. But then I have to wonder.. that sounds incredibly frustrating rather than enjoyable... it even kinda sounds like you're describing edging (one of the points of which is to ultimately make orgasm more pleasurable). :ambivalence:
> 
> Anyway, imo faking is way more...'offensive' than inability to orgasm, because at least the latter isn't deceptive and like, making it about protecting someone's ego.


I think it's just a different relationship with orgasms, either mentally or physiologically.

I mean, I for one haven't experienced it as edging, but also most of the time it doesn't bother me to do the same when masturbating either, I don't always masturbate to get off, I do it because the sensations feel good even without an orgasm. And I don't think prolonging it necessarily makes the orgasm stronger. 

It's frustrating only (I think) if I wan't to get off to relax and I can't because the sensations just don't escalate and it's not going anywhere. This happens but not too often. 

I'm now just frustrated that it's so difficult. It shouldn't be but it is. It's unfair, is what I'm thinking.



> But core workouts/anearobic stuff doesn't work like cardio... different types of muscle/metabolism, so it has to be done in short spurts with breaks.


I'd imagine core work especially targets pelvic floor muscles, allowing for more control when having sex. PC muscle exercises should help women to orgasm easier/stronger.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

Perso Uno said:


> And you're an INTP....
> 
> Call me :wink:


In a happy committed relationship, but thanks for the offer


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

Reality Check said:


> Firstly I'm not claiming this is fact, but Ive experienced it, one of my mates experienced it and others claim to have experienced it on the NoFap forums.
> 
> Mental Fog Goes
> More Energy
> ...


I have to agree, being of the 'older' generation here. 

Fapping just kills real sex for you people. Nowadays I do it on extremely rare occasions or as part of the foreplay. 

I've been with people who were unable to orgasm with normal sex (men), so it wouldn't surprise me if the inability of women to orgasm via sex is related to this.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Jamaia said:


> I think it's just a different relationship with orgasms, either mentally or physiologically.
> 
> I mean, I for one haven't experienced it as edging, but also most of the time it doesn't bother me to do the same when masturbating either, I don't always masturbate to get off, I do it because the sensations feel good even without an orgasm. And I don't think prolonging it necessarily makes the orgasm stronger.


lol I don't entirely 'get' edging myself, though I've tried and kinda envy people who do. I think I'm too ADD for it, my brain is like, "oh so that's not happening.. what else is there to think about?" So the tension-building thing kinda maxes out at some point and just dies. 

There is such a thing as a lousy orgasm though, I think. Most likely results from not enough intensity/tension/buildup. I mean, orgasms don't really exist in isolation, 
* *




except in problem cases :tongue:: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistent_genital_arousal_disorder
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premature_ejaculation


 so the concept of 'inorgasmic' is almost counter-intuitive in the sense that orgasms are supposed to be a release of tension, so inorgasmic seems to refer more to a lack of tension, rather than the orgasm part itself. I guess that's why I start thinking of it more like edging techniques or just being generally sexually frustrated. 



> It's frustrating only (I think) if I wan't to get off to relax and I can't because the sensations just don't escalate and it's not going anywhere. This happens but not too often.
> 
> I'm now just frustrated that it's so difficult. It shouldn't be but it is. It's unfair, is what I'm thinking.


I used to take antidepressants and had this exact problem. Sadly they didn't kill my sex drive, only the escalation aspect of it. It was hell. :crazy: 

So yeah, if someone were experiencing those kinds of 'symptoms' it probably would bother me, because I don't see how it could be anything but frustrating. And then I wouldn't want to have sex with someone trying to deal with that. When something is more strictly physiological, it's more difficult to find workarounds.. I would think psychological issues would be easier to figure out (though probably more difficult to openly talk about). 



> I'd imagine core work especially targets pelvic floor muscles, allowing for more control when having sex. PC muscle exercises should help women to orgasm easier/stronger.


Ha. I think core work is an aphrodisiac, but maybe that's just me lol.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Ha. I think core work is an aphrodisiac, but maybe that's just me lol.


No, it's not just you :friendly_wink:

As for the rest of what you wrote I don't know what to say anymore about orgasms, somehow it all gets tangled up and I don't know what the words even mean anymore. Sigh. Maybe it is lack of tension, or just a lack of a very specific kind of tension.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

Tropes said:


> I am assuming that over time sex would become something that they do for me, as seems to be the case in so many relationships gone wrong, and I don't want to have that kind of imbalance stalked against me.


In my experience this imbalance is more about the man throwing a hissy fit when he's not getting some as often as he thinks he should. 

Also, not to generalise, but some men forget about all the wooing process/foreplay/romancing once they're in a steady relationship with a woman. Sex is just expected. Well, no wonder some women will do it with you just to shut you up.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Aridela said:


> In my experience this imbalance is more about the man throwing a hissy fit when he's not getting some as often as he thinks he should.


That would certainly be an expression of an imbalance, an unhealthy reaction to an unhealthy situation to be in (These days the 'enlightened reaction' would be to simply leave).



Aridela said:


> Also, not to generalise, but some men forget about all the wooing process/foreplay/romancing once they're in a steady relationship with a woman. Sex is just expected. Well, no wonder some women will do it with you just to shut you up.


I am sure it happens. I have sort of a bi-bias in that respect (or the lack of a hetro-bias), which doesn't leave a lot of room for gender roles. The wooing process/foreplay/romancing isn't an exchange for sex, it's something I give and expect to also receive. With some women that doesn't quite jive - either out of gender ideology or simply as a force of habit - and I am ok with that, they simply aren't the women for me.

Arguably, the very nature of that exchange (Romance for sex) is a result of that imbalance becoming part of gender stereotypes.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Reality Check said:


> When I was a kid the internet was not a common thing. So no porn sites, the only porn I saw when I was younger was the page 3 girl and the odd playboy magazine. And even when I first got internet access at age 18, it was diaup.
> 
> But kids nowadays have broadband from an early age. so instead of sneaking a peek at a page 3 girl, I guess they can just get their iPhone or whatever and goto a porn site.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Tropes said:


> That would certainly be an expression of an imbalance, an unhealthy reaction to an unhealthy situation to be in (These days the 'enlightened reaction' would be to simply leave).


What do you mean the enlightened reaction?


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> What do you mean the enlightened reaction?


Nothing that maintains a legitimate meaning when taken out of quotation marks.


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## Perso Uno (Sep 9, 2016)

Reality Check said:


> Ditto, Ive had that issue before. That said, I will openly admit I was watching too much porn at that point in my life. Which for me was the issue for me.
> 
> But instead of just saying "Its the way I am", I self reflected and looked for the cause. Again that was my personal issue, it may not be similar for everyone else, but for me there was a root cause and I got to the bottom of it.



Ya, I worked on it quite a bit last year but now I've slipped a bit. Moved to a different state and it pretty much wrecked my woman life and I got a little lazy :tongue:

Going through my own re-sensitizing process and it's absolute hell! The weekend cannot get here soon enough!


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

Jamaia said:


> <!-- BEGIN TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention -->
> @<b><a href="http://personalitycafe.com/member.php?u=327394" target="_blank">Reality Check</a></b>
> <!-- END TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention --> I'm sure you're right about the general trend (lack of foreplay), but I also think in many case it's not that the guy is doing something obviously wrong or that there's clear lack of something fundamental. At least in my case that's not it... He's happy to kiss and cuddle and play and would love to provide oral sex (but I'm not too keen on receiving). He can get me to squirt with his fingers, but orgasms are more tricky (sic!). I think for me it's more about what <!-- BEGIN TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention -->
> @<b><a href="http://personalitycafe.com/member.php?u=385578" target="_blank">LibertyPrime</a></b>
> ...


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Ouh @Tropes I think I'll have to read it over with a fresher set of brains then. And @Taj Badalandabad, who you're calling a ho? :shocked:


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

Had a gf who said she couldn't orgasm and she had never gotten there before on her own. But I made her orgasm x) 

Turns out it was a confidence thing for her, she was afraid of pushing further when she reached the edge of climax and had never gone past it and hence always thought that's what her orgasms were. I recall the first time we had sexual interaction and we had fun for a while then she got to a point then stopped, I asked if she got there as she went quiet and red, but then she just replied with "I think so". 

Later I asked her to describe how she was feeling during, and she said during the edge of a climax she felt like she was going to pee herself and that's what made her stop, and I convinced her otherwise to keep going even if it felt like she was going to pee, I said it was normal. So next time we were together I just kept dirty talking her during, to keep her going during that moment and convinced her to push through and that she'd love it, to just "let it all out". We found out that night she was a squirter, she came, juices flowing and she moaned rather loudly but was trying to be quiet because she didn't want her mother to hear... she said it was the best thing she ever felt and she'd never been so soaked before, and I gained ego points for being the cause of her very first "true orgasm" haha. 

But yeah, there is my experience in a "so called inorgasimc" woman, or should I say former.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Jamaia said:


> Ever been with a woman who could not orgasm? Either at all, or could orgasm when masturbating but not with you (during sex). Some sources say up to 10% of women can't orgasm at all, that's a lot!
> 
> Was it a problem for you? Was there a solution? How did her not orgasming make you feel? Any thoughts?


I knew a few women who were like that. One could only achieve orgasm by manual clitoral stimulation, another couldn't because she didn't give herself permission to have one (I think she finally found someone who helped her with that, but it wasn't with me). One could only get there riding on top (cowgirl). Others seemed to achieve their "plateau" at different rates, depending upon positioning, and different mixes of stimulation (via manual, oral, genital penetration). I found that, if I can get a woman to that plateau, it is usually far easier to get them there again (and again, and again). 

At first, I felt like I had done something wrong, then I began to gain experience in the matter (both through practical application and research). I came (ahem) to realize each woman is different, and I would need to alter my approach accordingly. More often than not, there was plenty of enthusiasm and enjoyment to be had from both sides. :tongue:


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

5 types of orgasms. clitoral. vaginal. g-spot. anal. nipple. almost no female has all 5. 

clitoral is the most common by far. LOTS of women have clitoral, but none of the rest. 

for a woman to have vaginal, best position is guy on his back, lady riding him. she moves to where she finds the spots she likes. 

g-spot is often squirting. like the description, it feels like peeing, and you have to "relax and push a bit". 

in recent years, I have one friend I've spent numerous nights with who doesn't have any orgasm. hitachi, rabbit, intercourse, oral, fingers, etc. she used to once in a while. I'm not totally unskilled. 

but she doesn't. 

For sure some ladies, some nights, don't orgasm. some orgasm more easily than others. 

sex is ALWAYS better the fifth time than the first time with someone.


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## perpetuallyreticent (Sep 24, 2014)

kaleidoscope said:


> Ohh, interesting thread Jamaia; I'd be curious to see the responses! I suspect most guys take it personally or get frustrated with it. They think it's an issue with their performance, and don't really understand that a woman can enjoy sex tremendously, even if she didn't get an orgasm. (I know I do)
> 
> Anecdote: one guy assumed I had a hard time orgasming in general because I didn't the _first_ time we slept together. Most guys don't realize that women's sexuality is quite complex, and that you need to get to know their mind and body intimately (which requires time) in order to make them cum.


Lol. My ex clearly watched too much porn and let it confuse him on what real sex was. Because when I started showing interest in my own body (which came late in my life, and about 6 months into our relationship) he would get frustrated when I'd immediately start rubbing my clit while he was fucking me. Because it made him cum too fast.

Then rub my clit for me then, fuckwad. Jesus. Do men understand that just because you can't SEE our arousal doesn't mean you shouldn't pay attention to it??? We jerk you off until you're hard, or you get aroused on your own by whatever foreplay, and some men just expect us to be ready to go at the drop of a hat. My vagina may work 24/7 but that doesn't mean I'm fully enjoying it. And I'm definitely not orgasming from straight piv. 

It would seriously annoy me that if I tried to talk with him about me not orgasming with just intercourse- he'd get upset. And when I tried to help myself orgasm by touching myself during, he'd get upset because he was already almost there. It takes me at least 5 minutes of rubbing to get there.

Some people need to take the time to understand a woman's body more, AND we need to openly educate. Otherwise we're going to be severely lacking on orgasms in comparison to men- which doesn't make any sense to me. If you cum, I should too. _bitch_ :dry:


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

@perpetuallyreticent

Wow, sounds like he was rather selfish. I mean, what kind of guy would get angry or deny a girl her own pleasure? If you wanna rub your yourself while I'm going at it on you, then you go for it! 

I'v never understood people like that. Sex should always be something you do "together" and something where you "learn" about each other, what gets each other going, how/what they like etc. 

People who just expect it to go their way without any thought, consideration or effort for the other person just make me smh. I can't over a guy saying "no" to a girl rubbing herself during sex. I promote "sexual gluttony" between couples, why experience one area of pleasure when you can experience multiple at once? Vanilla sex? Boring missionary without other interactions or touching... get outta here! lol. Do whatever gets you off, it's all about having fun together after all. Not about pressure of performance or... time it takes, or how the orgasm is achieved, just have mutual pleasure, fun and understanding.


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## perpetuallyreticent (Sep 24, 2014)

EccentricM said:


> @perpetuallyreticent
> 
> Wow, sounds like he was rather selfish. I mean, what kind of guy would get angry or deny a girl her own pleasure? If you wanna rub your yourself while I'm going at it on you, then you go for it!
> 
> ...


To be a little fair, he brought it up to me in a way that made me feel like he was more ashamed of himself for orgasming so quickly just by me touching myself. But that's exactly why foreplay is almost more important than the sex itself. There needs to be build up. I need something bottled up in me, waiting to burst. 

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm very enthusiastic in bed. I love pleasuring my partner, but I also want to receive the same from my partner. Nothing is more unattractive than a man assuming all sex is, is a blow/hand job and PIV intercourse with nothing extra.

Here's some tips for anyone who needs it: A woman's most sensitive spots on her body aren't her vagina and breasts. Kiss her neck and jaw. Rub her forearms down to her hands. Rub your hands through her hair, softly scratch her scalp while you kiss her collarbone. Massage her breasts and explore down her abdomen to her hips. It doesn't have to be a half hour of foreplay. 5-10 minutes of that shit and I'd be 90% there already. :|


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

drmiller100 said:


> 5 types of orgasms. clitoral. vaginal. g-spot. anal. nipple. almost no female has all 5.
> 
> clitoral is the most common by far. LOTS of women have clitoral, but none of the rest.
> 
> ...



Excellent summation, my friend. Your enthusiasm is to be commended. :wink:


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

perpetuallyreticent said:


> There needs to be build up. I need something bottled up in me, waiting to burst.


Indeed, "many" women are like that, and with my ex I understood this, even if a guy is quick to finish, just do lots of foreplay before hand. It's why I enjoy doing domination roles or teasing. I like to build her up till she is "begging" for penetration, and then I make her wait some during that moment, just a bit more, so by the time I do the deed, she's just in a state of ecstasy and can more easily be made to orgasm. 

It's so enjoyable. Especially when they think they can control you by being rebellious... I know women can be just as horny or more so than men. My ex used to try and get one over on me by pretending she could go without sex when she knew I was in the mood, but I knew otherwise, so I'd say "ok then" and "tend to myself" in front of her, which she couldn't help in reaction to asking me to give it to her, and I made her wait and do what I told her to do before I would comply. Get her into a submissive position, have a play, build her up till she was in the breaking point of just wanting to be nailed, then asking if she was "sure" she wanted to be pounded... to tease her because I knew she did, and she would just keep whining "yes". She loved it xD It's why she used to pretend to not want sex when deep down she did, and I used to tell her that "I knew her game", that she just wanted me to take control of her. 

(It's also why bondage/cuffs is so good, because you tease the body over and over, and they "want to touch" you, or themselves, but they can't which makes the body more sensitive and them sexually frustrated which makes them more susceptible to orgasm. You got to know the principles, the whys, not just the actions. :winky


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## perpetuallyreticent (Sep 24, 2014)

EccentricM said:


> Indeed, "many" women are like that, and with my ex I understood this, even if a guy is quick to finish, just do lots of foreplay before hand. It's why I enjoy doing domination roles or teasing. I like to build her up till she is "begging" for penetration, and then I make her wait some during that moment, just a bit more, so by the time I do the deed, she's just in a state of ecstasy and can more easily be made to orgasm.
> 
> It's so enjoyable. Especially when they think they can control you by being rebellious... I know women can be just as horny or more so than men. My ex used to try and get one over on me by pretending she could go without sex when she knew I was in the mood, but I knew otherwise, so I'd say "ok then" and "tend to myself" in front of her, which she couldn't help in reaction to asking me to give it to her, and I made her wait and do what I told her to do before I would comply. Get her into a submissive position, have a play, build her up till she was in the breaking point of just wanting to be nailed, then asking if she was "sure" she wanted to be pounded... to tease her because I knew she did, and she would just keep whining "yes". She loved it xD It's why she used to pretend to not want sex when deep down she did, and I used to tell her that "I knew her game", that she just wanted me to take control of her.


Lmao if a guy did that to me I'd be so mad by the end of it! But in a good, horny kind of way. I''m kind of voyeuristic when it comes to a guy I like touching himself. I'd get really turned on just watching for a minute. And then jump his bones. 

And yes, there is a weird misconception going around that women aren't just as horny as men. We're just, sometimes, different in how we want to approach it. Just because I won't have sex with anybody, or have flings to relieve myself doesn't mean I don't WANT it.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Ok, I'm starting to realize I haven't had much good sex with the occasional exception that could still go far better. 
*goes in a corner to sob a bit*


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

pomPOM said:


> Ok, I'm starting to realize I haven't had much good sex with the occasional exception that could still go far better.
> *goes in a corner to sob a bit*


*looks at type*


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

EccentricM said:


> *looks at type*


I appreciate your considerate sound effects but I would much prefer comforting in advice of where to find me some good lovin!!!


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

pomPOM said:


> I appreciate your considerate sound effects but I would much prefer comforting in advice of where to find me some good lovin!!!


Well, all I can say is... it's just the individual you find, or you need to be more vocal with your partner (no not more moaning, fake moans will only make such situations worse) and tell them what your needs/wants are more directly. 

Try an ENFP! They are statistically sex mad, open minded and like variety! lol


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

I feel like you *waves hand around vaguely* are making this too simplistic. I don't think it's a fair representation of the issue to say that most women require some sort of clitoral stimulation and foreplay to get off, because surely that is the norm by huge margin. And I don't think it's fair to say that a guy just isn't bothering with his woman if she doesn't cum. 

Of course I get that it's impossible for an outsider to know what the matter is, if it can't be expressed even.

As for the different types of orgasm as per @drmiller100, I can squirt but strangely that can be more anti-climatic sensation than orgastic. Nipple, barely any sensation. Anal, can be really good and strong but not reaching the point of being orgastic so far. Vaginal so and so, less intense feeling than anal. Clitoral yes when on my own but difficult to concentrate on it when with a partner. I guess my hope lies in the psychotranscendentialwhateveritwas-orgasm that @Reality Check mentioned. Ffs.


***

And look what you did ^^^, you made @pomPOM cry AGAIN, you monsters!


*****

Of course I'm really grateful for all of your posts and sharing, not frustrated with any of you... :cold: *goes check the title of the thread again* *stops OT rant* 
Yeah, straight guys, thanks for your input and keep it coming! *giggle* And straight girls too. In this thread everyone is straight male/female, so don't feel excluded if you don't normally identify with straight m/f, your opinions are welcome. Ok time to stop typing now... *fizzles out*


----------



## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

EccentricM said:


> Well, all I can say is... it's just the individual you find, or you need to be more vocal with your partner (no not more moaning, fake moans will only make such situations worse) and tell them what your needs/wants are more directly.
> 
> Try an ENFP! They are statistically sex mad, open minded and like variety! lol


Probably need to be more vocal too but in truth I haven't felt completely comfortable with anyone. Even in my longest relationship sex soon became a pressure more than something enjoyable. Foreplay and warming up became secondary after the need to quickly prove I can come. 

ENTPs are quite the sex crazed people too. I might be on a mission.


----------



## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Jamaia said:


> And look what you did ^^^, you made @pomPOM cry AGAIN, you monsters!


Awww, I appreciate your concerns so much, sister.

Some things I will try when the chance comes:

1) Smoke some before sinning. Maybe it will help me feel more comfortable.
2) Tantric sex. I don't know how, I don't know why but it will happen!
3) Build a very strong relationship first so the bad experiences don't turn into a resentment. Have lots of conversations about sex. Make it THE MOST comfortable topic between the 2 of you.


----------



## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

and 0) Do not start faking orgasms.

I'm curious about Tantric sex too but I wonder what in it is supposed to cause the tension built up.


----------



## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Jamaia said:


> and 0) Do not start faking orgasms.
> 
> I'm curious about Tantric sex too but I wonder what in it is supposed to cause the tension built up.


In truth I haven't faked it before but have strongly considered it. But reading this thread it seems more damaging than not.

*grabs some popcorn. youtubes tantric sex. puts her 3d glasses on*


----------



## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

pomPOM said:


> Probably need to be more vocal too but in truth I haven't felt completely comfortable with anyone. Even in my longest relationship sex soon became a pressure more than something enjoyable. Foreplay and warming up became secondary after the need to quickly prove I can come.


Seems like there's an issue of too much focus on the end result and not enough on the kind of thing @*EccentricM* described.. building tension, whether that's teasing, foreplay etc. (I'm talking in general, this seems like a trend -- not your posts in particular, though that's part of what made me think about this). I mean, it seems pretty intuitive that unless you have a forced orgasm kink, trying to force an orgasm isn't gonna be fun, and probably defeats the purpose lol


----------



## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

Yeah, my tip would be.... don't try to make each other orgasm, but just enjoy the sex and let it... come when it comes. (pun intended). If one person finishes before the other, so what, there are other avenues the person who just climaxed can take to make their SO finish. There's nothing like doing oral for desert! lol And in that time (in a guys case) he may soon get hard again to continue, but as long as the rhythm is consistent. It's the stop, start and speed change that can kill it for women too. 

There is the male mentality you see, for us, you speed up = faster cumming. Where as a woman, it's about hitting the right spot with consistency. But if you tell a man you're cumming, he will think "she's cumming" *insert male mentality* and tries faster, killing the consistency and then she's all "I was nearly there, but not now" or had to do the exaggerated "ohhh , ohhhh, oh!" lol. 

Never have I heard a woman say "speed up!" but often I hear "right there, like that, harder", so if the guy wants to up the game when she is edging, pound harder, but not faster or on a different angle, because you were already on the right spot and is "why" she was almost climaxing.


----------



## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

EccentricM said:


> Never have I heard a woman say "speed up!" but often I hear "right there, like that, harder", so if the guy wants to up the game when she is edging, pound harder, but not faster or on a different angle, because you were already on the right spot and is "why" she was almost climaxing.


I've said "faster" many times :kitteh: but as we've securely established it wasn't just before an orgasm . 

So I agree at the brink of orgasm it's a very particular way things can be intensified ("more") without changing it around too much. 
(Just that the vaginal feeling for me can get too differentiated to be all that enjoyable if he moves slow, with faster movement all the individual sensations melt together to cause more oomph.) 
(Yes yes yes I have too many things to do and too many assignments due today for this now.)
(As you were.)


----------



## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

Jamaia said:


> I've said "faster" many times :kitteh: but as we've securely established it wasn't just before an orgasm .
> 
> So I agree at the brink of orgasm it's a very particular way things can be intensified ("more") without changing it around too much. (Just that the vaginal feeling for me can get too differentiated to be all that enjoyable if he moves slow, with faster movement all the individual sensations melt together to cause more oomph.)


Exactly ^^ initially such things may be asked in order to "set up" up the rhythm/style the person wants, but once that is established, then the consistency is there and kept till the grand finale.  

(I'm getting too excited now lol, but alas I currently do not have a partner, else I'd probably not be here forum posting in this moment.)


----------



## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Seems like there's an issue of too much focus on the end result and not enough on the kind of thing @*EccentricM* described.. building tension, whether that's teasing, foreplay etc. (I'm talking in general, this seems like a trend -- not your posts in particular, though that's part of what made me think about this). I mean, it seems pretty intuitive that unless you have a forced orgasm kink, trying to force an orgasm isn't gonna be fun, and probably defeats the purpose lol


Yeah and it is ironic that the focus on building tension is forgotten when that is the best road to actually achieving an orgasm.
I think the kinda foreplays that have been discussed here a lot usually come a little later in a relationship. Not like a year or anything like that but just when the initial passion for each other takes a second position. We often start with the animalistic attraction that overtakes curiosity and exploration of another's body. It's like a kid that gets to eat their favorite cake and wants it all at once.
In my personal experience only 1 relationship has exceeded the animalistic passion phase and that is the one where I was judged for not being able to come. Don't get me wrong, I love the impulsive passion but this conversation has showed me that there's so much more to it, a whole new intimacy level. I don't think that passion = intimacy at all. If anything impulsive passion can happen to ignore true intimacy.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

EccentricM said:


>


Dude, I gotta work with kids today. Gonna have to abandon this fun soon and put my innocent cap back on!


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

pomPOM said:


> Dude, I gotta work with kids today. Gonna have to abandon this fun soon and put my innocent cap back on!


*Marks down another reason on his building list of why he doesn't ever want kids*


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

EccentricM said:


> Yeah, my tip would be.... don't try to make each other orgasm, but just enjoy the sex and let it... come when it comes. (pun intended). If one person finishes before the other, so what, there are other avenues the person who just climaxed can take to make their SO finish. There's nothing like doing oral for desert! lol And in that time (in a guys case) he may soon get hard again to continue, but as long as the rhythm is consistent. It's the stop, start and speed change that can kill it for women too.
> 
> There is the male mentality you see, for us, you speed up = faster cumming. Where as a woman, it's about hitting the right spot with consistency. But if you tell a man you're cumming, he will think "she's cumming" *insert male mentality* and tries faster, killing the consistency and then she's all "I was nearly there, but not now" or had to do the exaggerated "ohhh , ohhhh, oh!" lol.
> 
> Never have I heard a woman say "speed up!" but often I hear "right there, like that, harder", so if the guy wants to up the game when she is edging, pound harder, but not faster or on a different angle, because you were already on the right spot and is "why" she was almost climaxing.


This, this this. 
Speed can contribute for sure, but it's certainly about the spot. For me that is particularly true in other types of sex and not so much PIV as it's much easier for me to cum when penetrated. With oral it's harder because the stimulation is more concentrated on the region the other is assaulting and thus any slight change can make it or break it.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

@Red Panda For you, is it that when the stimulation is just right, you can't help but cum, or does it depend on other factors how good something feels to you?


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Jamaia said:


> @Red Panda For you, is it that when the stimulation is just right, you can't help but cum, or does it depend on other factors how good something feels to you?


Most of all I have to feel comfortable and trust with the other person. You can go back to my 1st post if you haven't read it in this thread, that I mention how I couldn't cum at all with my ex. So it begins there. If I feel comfortable enough with the other person, all the sensations are very enjoyable and it becomes easy-peasy.


Here's the link to my other post http://personalitycafe.com/sex-rela...ght-guys-inorgasmic-woman-2.html#post32496482


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> Most of all I have to feel comfortable and trust with the other person. You can go back to my 1st post if you haven't read it in this thread, that I mention how I couldn't cum at all with my ex. So it begins there. If I feel comfortable enough with the other person, all the sensations are very enjoyable and it becomes easy-peasy.
> 
> 
> Here's the link to my other post http://personalitycafe.com/sex-rela...ght-guys-inorgasmic-woman-2.html#post32496482


Yeah but if you do feel comfortable, is there things that he can do* to you that always work (assuming there's not like some exceptional physical or mental condition happening, like you're in pain or something)? *Either physically do by touching or something, or something he can say or... etc


----------



## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Jamaia said:


> Yeah but if you do feel comfortable, is there things that he can do* to you that always work (assuming there's not like some exceptional physical or mental condition happening, like you're in pain or something)? *Either physically do by touching or something, or something he can say or... etc


Hm yea there are, and are mostly related to my kinks since I'm into BDSM-y stuff. Nipple teasing/pulling/biting and butt grabbing/spanking/fondling can escalate me pretty quickly. Other types of domination as well, but these two are at the top of my head and work well.


----------



## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> Hm yea there are, and are mostly related to my kinks since I'm into BDSM-y stuff. Nipple teasing/pulling/biting and butt grabbing/spanking/fondling can escalate me pretty quickly. Other types of domination as well, but these two are at the top of my head and work well.


So, could you ask your guy to do A (what ever it is) to you and you'd anticipate experiencing A to cause a feeling X, and almost always that is exactly what happens; A leads to X?


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Jamaia said:


> So, could you ask your guy to do A (what ever it is) to you and you'd anticipate experiencing A to cause a feeling X, and almost always that is exactly what happens; A leads to X?


Yea, pretty much. Of course it can differ depending on other factors such as general mood, but it's still well predicted.


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## Desthro (Feb 18, 2016)

pomPOM said:


> Probably need to be more vocal too but in truth I haven't felt completely comfortable with anyone. Even in my longest relationship sex soon became a pressure more than something enjoyable. Foreplay and warming up became secondary after the need to quickly prove I can come.
> 
> ENTPs are quite the sex crazed people too. I might be on a mission.


Find an Sx type ENTP and it's over.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Desthro said:


> Find an Sx type ENTP and it's over.


Or Sx ExTJ. Somehow I also think Sx ENFJs could be quite the explorers and givers.
Suddenly I'm sweating.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

pomPOM said:


> Or Sx ExTJ. Somehow I also think Sx ENFJs could be quite the explorers and givers.
> Suddenly I'm sweating.


But say you found one of these types, and you were having great orgasmic sex with them, how would that make you feel?


----------



## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

Reality Check said:


> But say you found one of these types, and you were having great orgasmic sex with them, how would that make you feel?


Pretty fulfilled I would imagine.
But for the sake of speaking truth and only truth, can I get back to you after it happens?

In all seriousness though, I am simply intrigued by everything I have read in this thread. Inspired really. Hopeful knowing that there CAN be much more to the whole deal. And to imagine I could enjoy sex even more...


EDIT: Also I just enjoyed reading the comments from men showing their perspectives on sex and what it means to you all to please your woman. It makes me feel... happy that such investment in the act exists.


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## yentipeee (Jun 19, 2013)

I think nature may have intended women to be this way -- Keep them moderately frustrated so that they are always receptive, so as to ensure fertilization. Mother nature’s sick practical joke. If I was god, I’d redesign woman’s kitty.

Honestly, it doesn’t bother me. If you’re my woman, the mother of my children, I will worship you forever.


BTW, you two ENxP ladies make the best threads, may god bless you with multiple orgasms.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Jamaia said:


> I feel like you *waves hand around vaguely* are making this too simplistic. I don't think it's a fair representation of the issue to say that most women require some sort of clitoral stimulation and foreplay to get off, because surely that is the norm by huge margin. And I don't think it's fair to say that a guy just isn't bothering with his woman if she doesn't cum.
> 
> Of course I get that it's impossible for an outsider to know what the matter is, if it can't be expressed even.
> 
> As for the different types of orgasm as per @*drmiller100*, I can squirt but strangely that can be more anti-climatic sensation than orgastic. Nipple, barely any sensation. Anal, can be really good and strong but not reaching the point of being orgastic so far. Vaginal so and so, less intense feeling than anal. Clitoral yes when on my own but difficult to concentrate on it when with a partner. I guess my hope lies in the psychotranscendentialwhateveritwas-orgasm that @*Reality Check* mentioned. Ffs.


women not cumming, and men not getting hard can be a big problem. in both cases, everyone feels horrible. 

The reality is sometimes that's just the way it is. I've had problems getting it up now and then, and usually it is with someone fairly new who I REALLY LIKE. It isn't that I don't like her, or not into her, it is almost like it is I'm TOO into her and the pressure is on??????
If I admit it, and relax, the lady can understand and not take it personally. 

Likewise, I'll do what I can to help her get off, but really, when it boils down, she is kind of responsible for HER orgasm, and I'm responsible for mine. IF she tells me what she likes, then I'll do it. If she doesn't know, I'll try to figure it out. But if I do my best, and she doesn't cum, that isn't exactly my fault. By doing my best I mean spending 60 to 120 minutes playing and doing stuff, not 4 minutes.

also, different orgasms mean different things to different ladies FOr some, squirting is the HOLYSHITOMFGFIREWORKS of all orgasms. FOr others, squirting is just 'meh" and everything in between 
Likewise clitoral can be OMFG or just a gentle warmup. 

not all women have intercourse orgasms, but those that do tend to say it is "fulfilling" and "satisfying" and be on a spectrum also


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

I can relate to being inorgasmic. Last time I had sex I got a disappointing look and statement after about 2 hours:
_ - Why won't you cum? ;( _

Did I make a deal out of it? Nope. I had a good time.

Heh, anti-depressants.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

pwowq said:


> I can relate to being inorgasmic. Last time I had sex it ended in a disappointing statement after about 2-3 hours:
> _ - Why won't you cum? ;( _
> 
> Did I make a deal out of it? Nope. I had a good time.
> ...



yup. paxil for sure hurt my sex drive a bit, and for sure allowed me to not orgasm without a lot of work. 

kept me a live though, so there's that.


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## darkmatter (Jul 18, 2016)

Just for the record, most woman cannot orgasm through penetration alone, since the clitoris is our sex organ. Only around 30% of woman can orgasm through their vagina, which is actually a medical mystery since there is no pleasure sensors in there and the G-spot has never been physically observed. It's equivalent to how some men are able to orgasm through anal penetration. The clitoris is just a small penis and orgasm can be achieved easily through direct stimulation. The problem is that most men don't really hit the clitoris in a consistent manner when having sex, and not at all in some positions (such as doggy style). It's frustrating for me to hear young woman thinking that there is something wrong with them because they can only orgasm through their clitoris because that is the NORM. Men just have to ask whether or not the woman can orgasm through penetration. If not, he can give her an orgasm by grinding closer to her while having sex in a missionary fashion, as to hit the clitoris.


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## Aladdin Sane (May 10, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> Ok. It's just foreign to me that sex without orgasm is nothing. Aren't there plenty of pleasurable things we do that don't involve orgasming?
> 
> I thought of this example. Imagine you've joined a cult that prohibits orgasming when having sex with another person. You may jerk off all you like when you're alone, and you may have any kind of sex you wish with your partner, just do not cum. Would you then stop having sex entirely, because it's nothing without an orgasm? (Come to think of it, maybe for a man this is a difficult thought experiment.)


I dont know how sex without orgasm can be pleasurable, at least sexually pleasurable.

Stimulating your genital area only feels good when you are aroused - rubbing your clit when you arent wont do anything for you - when you are aroused, you feel a need to be further stimulated to have an orgasm. by the very nature of it, you have to be aroused to have sex, otherwise havign sex with a dry vagina is just not a pleasant experience for either party involved in the act. If you just keep building up the pressure and then dont orgasm then that is incredibly frustrating and pretty much like staring at a pizza after having been starved for a few days, So no, I dont see how sex without orgasm can be pleasurable.

To comment on the subject at hand, I cannot imagine how someone cannot orgasm. It literally takes me 30 minutes to have an orgasm. It isnt rocket science and if a woman cant orgasm, it is because they have no sex drive or because they dont know where their clitoris is.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

darkmatter said:


> J the G-spot has never been physically observed.



Ummmm, I've observed it. It is REALLY easy to find. Not all women react to it though. 

It sounds like you really enjoy the clitoris, and the other places don't do it for you. Great! But other women DO sometimes enjoy other things.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Aladdin Sane said:


> I if a woman cant orgasm, it is because they have no sex drive or because they dont know where their clitoris is.


That is bullshit.


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## darkmatter (Jul 18, 2016)

drmiller100 said:


> Ummmm, I've observed it. It is REALLY easy to find. Not all women react to it though.
> 
> It sounds like you really enjoy the clitoris, and the other places don't do it for you. Great! But other women DO sometimes enjoy other things.


This is incorrect, scientists have never observed the G-spot. There are theories, but no conclusive answers. I never said it doesn't exist, just that it's mysterious. Everyone enjoys different things when it comes to sex, this is true.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Rake the Coals said:


> Which poster's sex life am I going to get to hear about today?


Hey @Rake the Coals, it's a give and take you know!

Or you could just go to Sexual Confessions, where you don't have to read between the lines .


----------



## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

ninjahitsawall said:


> That makes it seem like sex drive is relatively fixed (barring mental issues like manic depression where hyper-sexuality can be part of the manic phases....) you might be onto something though, I'm kinda similar. If I abstain from anything sexual for long enough my focus tends to shift (it only takes about a week lol...also why I'm skeptical about that "no fap" stuff). I don't think I have a weak sex drive though. But not "uncomfortable and irritating" either. I usually need some kind of external sex drive trigger, which it seems some people don't, and that does seem kind of...annoying to live with haha. But if my focus is shifted to something else for long enough, then the external triggering will be much more intense when it happens.
> I dunno, I think high vs low sex drive is a misleading concept anyways. :tongue: I feel like I don't have a "high" sex drive but maybe "intense", which could be why I don't get the concept of "it doesn't matter if I orgasm or not", because for me the tension is either very much there or I am just not thinking about sex at all, LOL. So I kinda think of it like "you either need to get off or your mind is on something else"


Yeah, well I don't know how so many people talk about their sexuality as if it's something static. Maybe it is to them. I've probably had too short hormone-wise plateaued spells in my adult life to know what's "normal" and what's an exception.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Jamaia said:


> Yeah, well I don't know how so many people talk about their sexuality as if it's something static. Maybe it is to them. I've probably had too short hormone-wise plateaued spells in my adult life to know what's "normal" and what's an exception.


I only meant that your post made it seem static in the sense that even if you abstained for a long time, your attention would just go elsewhere. So whatever your "normal" is basically wouldn't change.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Jamaia said:


> Hey @Rake the Coals, it's a give and take you know!
> 
> Or you could just go to Sexual Confessions, where you don't have to read between the lines .


But it isn't as fun if they just give it to you. I like it to be like a puzzle.


----------



## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

Rake the Coals said:


> But it isn't as fun if they just give it to you. I like it to be like a puzzle.


Congratulations on making everyone too self-conscious to continue roud:


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Rake the Coals said:


> But it isn't as fun if they just give it to you. I like it to be like a puzzle.


True, if its given on a plate it has no value. 

Make me work for it. Ok that sounds wrong. But I hope you know what I mean.

Say I bought you a $500 Lobster and champagne meal. You would probably enjoy it.
But if I made you work hard for every cent and you sweat blood and tears for it. Then you bought yourself that $500 lobster and champagne meal. I reckon it would be a lot more enjoyable.

I'm not sure if you are American, Ive just made that assumption hence the dollars and cents.


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

perpetuallyreticent said:


> all this thread is doing is making me really sad I don't have a boyfriend anymore.
> 
> 
> sigh :blushed:


Oh, I know "exactly" how you feel.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

EccentricM said:


> Oh, I know "exactly" how you feel.


Walk outside, say hello to someone. Theres an abundance of people out there.

I'm doing exactly that myself in a little while. Its Friday Night and the city shall be rammath.


----------



## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

Reality Check said:


> Walk outside, say hello to someone. Theres an abundance of people out there.
> 
> I'm doing exactly that myself in a little while. Its Friday Night and the city shall be rammath.


I have someone in mind, but it's a case of actually finding ways to spend more time together lol. We don't get to meet often, I don't have a phone, she is online but doesn't use social media often. I need to invite her out somewhere, or at least get to know her more in general, and with friends in order to build a level of trust/friendship, but it's finding the time/opportunities.


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## StaticPulse (Nov 9, 2016)

Reality Check said:


> Walk outside, say hello to someone. Theres an abundance of people out there.
> 
> I'm doing exactly that myself in a little while. Its Friday Night and the city shall be rammath.


I'm debating going out tonight. I did something stupid and hurt myself and now I've got a nice big bruise on my knee. Not sure I wanna show that off in a dress.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

StaticPulse said:


> I'm debating going out tonight. I did something stupid and hurt myself and now I've got a nice big bruise on my knee. Not sure I wanna show that off in a dress.


Lol do it. At the worst you have something to talk about. Us guys arnt actually that bad you know.

I could show you the scars on my legs and you would probably feel 100 times better about yourself.


----------



## StaticPulse (Nov 9, 2016)

Reality Check said:


> Lol do it. At the worst you have something to talk about. Us guys arnt actually that bad you know.
> 
> I could show you the scars on my legs and you would probably feel 100 times better about yourself.


Tell random people that I was testing which chairs I can balance standing on the back of them? I kind of knew I was going to fall off some of them. Normally when I do dumb crap, I don't land that hard. This bruise is a sign that I should grow up and stop doing dumb shit to myself. Looks like an ode to my immaturity.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

StaticPulse said:


> Tell random people that I was testing which chairs I can balance standing on the back of them? I kind of knew I was going to fall off some of them. Normally when I do dumb crap, I don't land that hard. This bruise is a sign that I should grow up and stop doing dumb shit to myself. Looks like an ode to my immaturity.


Lol Id ask to join in.


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## darkmatter (Jul 18, 2016)

tanstaafl28 said:


> I've evoked this very response from 95% of all the women I've encountered sexually (once I knew what to look for). Some of their responses were "jucier" than others, but all of them responded to stimulation in the same general region.


It's interesting the different responses you hear from men verses women. I don't trust men's account on women sexuality all the time, especially since women tend to lie about certain things because they are ashamed, such as faking orgasms, and enjoying something they really don't. The stories I hear from woman are vastly different. I think men tend to think they know more about women's bodies than they actually do. I'm not discrediting your testimony, just adding my own observations.


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

StaticPulse said:


> I'm debating going out tonight. I did something stupid and hurt myself and now I've got a nice big bruise on my knee. Not sure I wanna show that off in a dress.


Nonsense, it creates conversation! And You'll be sure many guys will go for the pity and comfort then compliment method! 

"Oh, how did you do that, ohh nasty.. well you still look good to me..."


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

StaticPulse said:


> Tell random people that I was testing which chairs I can balance standing on the back of them? I kind of knew I was going to fall off some of them. Normally when I do dumb crap, I don't land that hard. This bruise is a sign that I should grow up and stop doing dumb shit to myself. Looks like an ode to my immaturity.


You can say that you were trying to "sit like a lady" but you just aren't built that way, so you fell off.

https://youtu.be/XLT2VkaoflM?t=20s


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## renna (Jan 28, 2011)

I wonder if "inorgasmic" men exist.


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## StaticPulse (Nov 9, 2016)

EccentricM said:


> Nonsense, it creates conversation! And You'll be sure many guys will go for the pity and comfort then compliment method!
> 
> "Oh, how did you do that, ohh nasty.. well you still look good to me..."





Reality Check said:


> Lol do it. At the worst you have something to talk about. Us guys arnt actually that bad you know.
> 
> I could show you the scars on my legs and you would probably feel 100 times better about yourself.





ninjahitsawall said:


> You can say that you were trying to "sit like a lady" but you just aren't built that way, so you fell off.
> 
> https://youtu.be/XLT2VkaoflM?t=20s


I went. Got a lot of jokes about me spending time on my knees. 

A goodnight, minus one angry drunk. Why do angry drunks even exist? What's the point in drinking if you're just gonna get angry? They should just never drink.


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

StaticPulse said:


> I went. Got a lot of jokes about me spending time on my knees.
> 
> A goodnight, minus one angry drunk. Why do angry drunks even exist? What's the point in drinking if you're just gonna get angry? They should just never drink.


Some people drink for enjoyment, not for the drunkenness. However alcohol only takes away inhibitions, it doesn't grant happiness,anger or sadness, it only reveals the true self that is contained under the surface of inhibition/inner thoughts that we would keep to ourselves. So perhaps not our "true true self" coming out, since nice people might have an opinion on something or on someone in how they look, but stay quiet because they are nice. Where alcohol takes that away and leaves honesty. So people who get angry may be angry people in secret, or going through something and the alcohol in taking away the inhibitions makes them angry in response but might not every time as it may be situational. So a mixture of true character, inner thoughts and exaggeration of one's qualities. 

I don't drink, but I have been drunk/merry. And well I go all goofy and just very, very quirky, dancy and happy. Basically just me but exaggerated.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

darkmatter said:


> It's interesting the different responses you hear from men verses women. I don't trust men's account on women sexuality all the time, especially since women tend to lie about certain things because they are ashamed, such as faking orgasms, and enjoying something they really don't. The stories I hear from woman are vastly different. I think men tend to think they know more about women's bodies than they actually do. I'm not discrediting your testimony, just adding my own observations.


I understand the distinction you are making. I have take the time to learn as much as I can and I ask a lot of questions of my partners. I take nothing for granted. All it takes is time, patience, and communication.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

darkmatter said:


> It's interesting the different responses you hear from men verses women. I don't trust men's account on women sexuality all the time, especially since women tend to lie about certain things because they are ashamed, such as faking orgasms, and enjoying something they really don't. The stories I hear from woman are vastly different. I think men tend to think they know more about women's bodies than they actually do. I'm not discrediting your testimony, just adding my own observations.


fair statements. 

How about this? A woman knows more about her body than I ever will. However, I have been in bed with a woman while she learned some things about her own body.

And I'd much rather a woman didn't have an orgasm than lie to me and fake it.


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## StaticPulse (Nov 9, 2016)

EccentricM said:


> Some people drink for enjoyment, not for the drunkenness. However alcohol only takes away inhibitions, it doesn't grant happiness,anger or sadness, it only reveals the true self that is contained under the surface of inhibition/inner thoughts that we would keep to ourselves. So perhaps not our "true true self" coming out, since nice people might have an opinion on something or on someone in how they look, but stay quiet because they are nice. Where alcohol takes that away and leaves honesty. So people who get angry may be angry people in secret, or going through something and the alcohol in taking away the inhibitions makes them angry in response but might not every time as it may be situational. So a mixture of true character, inner thoughts and exaggeration of one's qualities.
> 
> I don't drink, but I have been drunk/merry. And well I go all goofy and just very, very quirky, dancy and happy. Basically just me but exaggerated.


I don't drink. I have enough trouble controlling my impulses without fueling it with alcohol. Plus my mother's an alcoholic. Not the angry, belligerent kind. She's a happy drunk and a bitch when she's sober. She'll probably never end up at AA because most people can't deal with her sober. 

Yeah, I get that their inhibitions go down, but if you know you're an angry drunk when your inhibitions go down, why choose to be miserable and make the people around you miserable?


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

StaticPulse said:


> I don't drink. I have enough trouble controlling my impulses without fueling it with alcohol. Plus my mother's an alcoholic. Not the angry, belligerent kind. She's a happy drunk and a bitch when she's sober. She'll probably never end up at AA because most people can't deal with her sober.
> 
> Yeah, I get that their inhibitions go down, but if you know you're an angry drunk when your inhibitions go down, why choose to be miserable and make the people around you miserable?


I used to drink (not alchoholic level) a lot if I went out. Now I still have the odd pint, but even 2 or 3 pints results in me feeling rough the next day. I have no qualms with a glass or even sharing a bottle or two of wine if say with someone over a meal or on a romantic night in. But as far as bars go, I just prefer my lime and soda water. I feel fresh the next day and the bank dosnt take a hit. Which actually means I can go out socialising more.

In regards to your angry drunk thing, I honestly believe these people are angry regardless deep inside. Its just there conscious blocks dissipate when drinking. 

When I used to drink a fair bit, whatever I felt like inside was bought to the surface a lot more easily. I was generally a happy cheerful drunk maybe a bit too chatty and loud. But at the time I had massive social anxiety issues so drinking was the only way I would really be able to talk to people. Drunk confidence as its called.

But on the other hand, at that point in my life I used to get depressed over stuff happening in my life quite easily. Which at one point following a break up I turned to full on drinking away the pain for a solid week. Looking back I probably just as depressed if not more (hang over) when I was getting through 3 bottles of red wine a night for a week solid. But as I was drinking I could bring it to the surface instead of naturally suppressing it. 

That particular break up, a few of my mates at the time did not like going drinking with me as I came across super manic depressed and probably half way to suicidal (it wasn't that bad) but I was generally able to keep smiling and stay upbeat at least externally at that point when sober so as not to drag people down into my dark cave. But the alchohol destroyed that ability so I went from smiling, upbeat, cheeky and a bit sarcastic to self pity mode, just over a few drinks which they were not used to. And it really wasn't right of me to inflict that on them looking back.


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## StaticPulse (Nov 9, 2016)

Reality Check said:


> I used to drink (not alchoholic level) a lot if I went out. Now I still have the odd pint, but even 2 or 3 pints results in me feeling rough the next day. I have no qualms with a glass or even sharing a bottle or two of wine if say with someone over a meal or on a romantic night in. But as far as bars go, I just prefer my lime and soda water. I feel fresh the next day and the bank dosnt take a hit. Which actually means I can go out socialising more.
> 
> In regards to your angry drunk thing, I honestly believe these people are angry regardless deep inside. Its just there conscious blocks dissipate when drinking.
> 
> ...


Any statistics on that? My mother sober is a miserable bitch, but happy drunk. Is she suppressing all that happiness when she's sober? Maybe she's the exception to the rule. 

I see friends able to have 1-2 drinks and stop at there. But even just the smell of alcohol, I've mopped up vomited vodka and beer and whatever else. Alcohol is just going to permanently remind me of the smell of vomit. I don't want to kiss guys that smell like they've had a drink. I don't mind that people drink. Good for them. I enjoy that atmosphere in a lot of bars and clubs and I see a lot of people need a couple of drinks to relax and join in with me. That's cool. I don't mind. 

Last night, like other times, the bartender gave me their number. They see so many drunk girls, they notice the sober ones. I consider this a plus.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

StaticPulse said:


> Any statistics on that? My mother sober is a miserable bitch, but happy drunk. Is she suppressing all that happiness when she's sober? Maybe she's the exception to the rule.
> 
> I see friends able to have 1-2 drinks and stop at there. But even just the smell of alcohol, I've mopped up vomited vodka and beer and whatever else. Alcohol is just going to permanently remind me of the smell of vomit. I don't want to kiss guys that smell like they've had a drink. I don't mind that people drink. Good for them. I enjoy that atmosphere in a lot of bars and clubs and I see a lot of people need a couple of drinks to relax and join in with me. That's cool. I don't mind.
> 
> Last night, like other times, the bartender gave me their number. They see so many drunk girls, they notice the sober ones. I consider this a plus.


It was personal theory not statistical fact. When I was a lot younger I may have dabbled in certain other substances and I know some of them gave such a euphoric rush and sense of love, that normal mundane life seemed crap in comparison (that part of my life is well and truly in the past). But may be similar to that. I'm really not an authority on this, just going by personal experiences.

Yeah, I know what you mean by the drinking, I'm the same with women, if they have had a drink, then no issues but if they are actually drunk (as in drunk drunk) then I really am not interested at all. I know I used to get into that state myself, but again that's all a thing of the past. I think that's what gets me most about when I feel rough in the morning after a couple of pints, it seems to hit me worst than when I used to get into a proper mess the night before. 

Plus with people who are drunk (again I'm differentiating from someone who has had a few drinks just to loosen up a little), its not a real representation of them, so there is no telling where they are at when they are sober. So I just avoid people like that tbh.


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## darkmatter (Jul 18, 2016)

drmiller100 said:


> fair statements.
> 
> How about this? A woman knows more about her body than I ever will. However, I have been in bed with a woman while she learned some things about her own body.
> 
> And I'd much rather a woman didn't have an orgasm than lie to me and fake it.


That would greatly depend on the age of the woman. If she is young, and the man is older, he could teach her things about her body she is unaware of. This scenario is highly unlikely with more experienced women. It doesn't take a lot of experience to understand your body.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

darkmatter said:


> That would greatly depend on the age of the woman. If she is young, and the man is older, he could teach her things about her body she is unaware of. This scenario is highly unlikely with more experienced women.* It doesn't take a lot of experience to understand your body*.


I think you're wrong about that one though


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## darkmatter (Jul 18, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> I think you're wrong about that one though


It's so hard to generalize when it comes to sexuality. Every person is just so different.


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## darkmatter (Jul 18, 2016)

Jamaia said:


> I think you're wrong about that one though


It's so hard to generalize when it comes to sexuality. Every person is just so different.


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## Jamaia (Dec 17, 2014)

darkmatter said:


> It's so hard to generalize when it comes to sexuality. Every person is just so different.


Yeah, but also saying that it doesn't take much experience to know your body is saying everything is static. People change, bodies change, hormones change etc.


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## StrangeHours (Nov 3, 2016)

This rather reminds me of this one time at a jungle resort, somewhere in Malaysia. The room adjacent to ours belonged to a young couple. And during the night they would (obviously) have sex. At first I was amused (and a bit aroused, I'll admit, the girl was fairly attractive from what I'd seen of her during the day). But then, after about an hour and a half of the sound of non-stop pumping action, I became a little puzzled (and a bit annoyed too, I needed my beauty sleep). I thought, and I'm aware this may sound weird to some, "wow, ok, he's either doing something terribly wrong, or she is really not that into him?". Even her moaning started to sound... bored after a while. 

But it made me think of other stuff too, like how culture influences our sexual expectations; for instance, in a culture of "quantity over quality" it makes sense that sex would be perceived the same way, right? Or where sports reign supreme in the cultural milieu, and almost completely replace art as the mode of self-expression, self-exploration and of communing with others (think about it, even the language: "first base", "second base" - baseball? really??) then sex would be seen as a sport too and not as an art. 

I mean, what's the point? Is orgasm the point? That release of dopamine? We can easily achieve that on our own, probably even more efficiently, since we know our own bodies better than anyone. Is it the marks on our bedpost? Keeping score? The bragging rights? The physical exercise, like going to the gym? Is it an attempt to fill that lonely void inside? I don't know.

But I digress. There are many reasons people (both women and men) can't reach orgasm, sometimes they are medical, other times it's stress... But I think the main reason is the lack of a genuine connection. By that I mean not just physical attraction, but also a mental attraction. Now, I'm not advocating any sort of "you must find the right one for you, to spend your life with" bullshit. It is, in fact, possible to have 'casual' sex and have that connection too. Even a one night stand can be something magical, a night to remember (as long as both parties are aware that it is just that - a transient/one-time thing). Hell, have as many encounters as you possibly can. Just have to remember that sex happens in the brain, not in the genitals and that the most powerful aphrodisiac is that connection, more so than any toy or "technique" or position or even what you consider "hot" physically (though of course it doesn't have to exclude these, toys and trying various positions can add quite a bit of spice, as well as having/maintaining a beautiful body).

Then again, I suppose, as an NF, I am prone to romanticizing these kind of things, tragically, in a world where romance seems (to me) to be largely dead (or to happen only in Sandra Bullock/Hugh Grant movies). :tongue:

A toast to the lost art of making love. *gulp*


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## Santa Gloss (Feb 23, 2015)

@StrangeHours, now I'm really glad we got married at gun point in that other thread :laughing: :bwink:



> Just have to remember that sex happens in the brain, not in the genitals and that the most powerful aphrodisiac is that connection, more so than any toy or "technique" or position or even what you consider "hot" physically (though of course it doesn't have to exclude these, toys and trying various positions can add quite a bit of spice, as well as having/maintaining a beautiful body).


They should teach this in sex-ed. This part alone might change the course of some people's sex lives.


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## StrangeHours (Nov 3, 2016)

Santa Gloss said:


> @StrangeHours, now I'm really glad we got married at gun point in that other thread :laughing: :bwink:
> 
> 
> 
> They should teach this in sex-ed. This part alone might change the course of some people's sex lives.


Ahh.. my dear (half) wife!

Oh yeah... back in the day I could bring a woman to the heights of ecstasy with only my fingers (typing on a keyboard). They used to call me "Dr. Love" (ok... it was just this one girl).

But theory is theory. In practice... well, let's just say I got burned a couple of times. Nothing worse than having a girl stare confusedly at you with that "What... is this?" kind of face, when you're trying to show her tactile poetry.


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## psykosi (Dec 4, 2016)

It depends on the whole scenario and many variables, but most importantly, would it be a problem for her?
I understand it's quite common for women to not reach orgasm with their partner for various reasons.

Whether if.. 

a) she couldn't reach orgasm at all
b) she could achieve it by going solo but not with me
c) she used to reach orgasm with me but no longer does, 

I'd talk with her. I'd want to know if it's biological, psychological, both, and what I can do about it.


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## septic tank (Jul 21, 2013)

I wonder if I can orgasm through penetration. I certainly enjoy penetration, but it feels different from climaxing through the clitoris. 

What I usually tell men is that I did climax through penetration, but it's a different form of climaxing. Instead of the super intense and short lived climax through the clitoris, it's longer, more drawn out, and somewhat less intense with penetration. But it's still very fun, so ultimately I don't care and I don't make a big deal out of it.


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## The Dude (May 20, 2010)

Give them to me and magic will happen lol


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## Ptaah (Apr 9, 2016)

I'd say to her that it is nothing to be ashamed, it happens to a lot of people and it is not her fault.
Then I'd try to make her come. If I couldn't, I would go to a sexologist to solve the problem.

If even this didn't work, I'd just say to her that I'm ok even without sex. Which is true.


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