# Chivalrous Acts: Ladies have at it



## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

Ladies of PerC, if you would be so kind, describe the acts of chivalry you would want your man to do. What are the things you expect and what are the little things that would be a pleasant surprise to find your guy doing? Be detailed list parameters where it would get annoying or undesirable and give times and places that it would make your night if it happened. (of course I doubt a single act would make or break an entire evening). So lets have at it :laughing:


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Women may not always say it but every woman wants to be treated like the most special princes on earth. Yet she wants to be trated like an equal. She wants a man to think higly of himself but not put himself over her. It is a complex thing that woman want and often we don't know ourself what we want. So how could we always tell a man what we want. Sorry but we are quiet complex creatures.

But flowers always shock me but what takes my breath away faster than anything is sweet and special words from the heart.


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## CuritadeRana (Mar 19, 2010)

I want a man to give pause.
I remember my most favorite teacher in High School who used to get a lot of ribbing from us students about his wife who taught in the in the building next door. According to school policy in our district they won't allow teachers who are married to teach in the same school but they were able to work around that rule because it was technically two schools that were later connected by an annex so that the two districts could combine resources. This also meant we would always be "harassing" our poor teacher with endless intrusive questions and upon every answer that he deemed okay to answer he would always give pause. He had such a high respect level for his wife he was cautious about how he spoke about her. Other days he would just get a hint of red in his face or put on a stern face and focus us back on our lesson for the day. 
I don't know what kind of husband he was at home but I can just imagine that just about everything most likely fell into place because he lived a life of pause when it came to wife. :blushed:


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Blue Butterfly said:


> Women may not always say it but every woman wants to be treated like the most special princes on earth. Yet she wants to be trated like an equal. She wants a man to think higly of himself but not put himself over her. It is a complex thing that woman want and often we don't know ourself what we want. So how could we always tell a man what we want. Sorry but we are quiet complex creatures.
> 
> But flowers always shock me but what takes my breath away faster than anything is sweet and special words from the heart.


Unless I do something to be treated like a princess, I don't think nor want to be treated as such. Besides if my guy is treating me like I'm so amazing for absolutely no reason, he's clearly desperate.

I know what I want.

Yes, I'm being argumentative, I don't appreciate the generalization.

Annnnd, I don't plan on dating a knight, so this question does not apply to me. x)


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## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

Monte said:


> Unless I do something to be treated like a princess, I don't think nor want to be treated as such. Besides if my guy is treating me like I'm so amazing for absolutely no reason, he's clearly desperate.
> 
> I know what I want.
> 
> ...


You're welcome to post your thoughts; you're a women, you're valid here. :happy:
So you wouldn't like it if a guy opened a door for you, brought you flowers, tried to take care of you in unobtrusive caring ways? He doesn't have to be knight; An gentle man, a Renaissance man, the guy next door, or the geek from down the street works as well for this discussion. It's about how a to treat a lady(or woman, female, whichever you prefer) and there is marked difference between being desperate and chivalrous.


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## thirtiesgirl (Jun 27, 2010)

Personally, I don't want to be treated like a princess. I don't like a guy to think of me as his "princess," "angel," "goddess," or any of that pedestal shit.

Heartless Bitches International explains it better than I can. Quoted here: Nice guys... are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of *appreciating* [a woman], they *worship* her. [Women] are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them. (Emphasis added by me.)

So don't place me on a pedestal and expect that I want to be treated like a "princess." I don't.

I do, however, like to hear a guy tell me he loves me and tell me sincerely the things he appreciates about me. That doesn't have to be all the time, every day, but if said sincerely once in a while, it really shows me what a good guy he is. I also find chivalry in the "little things." For example, offering to do the dishes once in a while, just because he knows I get tired of doing them; or taking out the trash without being asked. Or, one of my personal favorites, if he goes grocery shopping on his own, he knows the things I like to eat, the brands I buy, knows exactly what we're out of and what he needs to buy _because he pays attention_. That's a big one for me: paying attention to the little things, like what brand of toilet paper I use, whether I buy a quart or half-gallon of soy milk, or if we're out of microwave popcorn and need some more. _That's_ chivalry, in my book.

Opening doors for me, bringing me flowers and candy are romantic gestures that I don't mind once in a while. Once in a while meaning maybe a few times a year. I can open a door for myself, and I'd much prefer to come home from a long day at work on Friday to find that you've ordered my favorite kind of pizza and a movie than a bunch of candy and flowers.

If you want to plan a big romantic date, a romantic night out, that's fine once in a while. It's not something I'm into all the time. I'm much more turned on by a guy who's attentive to my feelings, never dismissive, is a good listener and doesn't mind sharing his own stuff with me. Now if all that's happening in a secluded hot tub on the moonlit deck of a quiet little bed & breakfast, I won't complain. But I'm just as happy to have it happen on a daily basis in our every day lives, as we wash the dishes, fold the laundry, put away the groceries, sit around watching our favorite crime drama tv shows, whatever.

To quote again from Heartless Bitchess International: Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy [women's] affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come on too strong, too hard and too fast, or they're so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends," in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a date.

Don't be afraid to ask me out. And don't be afraid to _not_ bring me flowers on a first date, or ever. If we're in a relationship and you screwed up, I'd rather hear a sincere apology that shows understanding of what you did wrong than get a dozen roses.


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## energeticelephant (Apr 26, 2010)

Blue Butterfly said:


> Women may not always say it but every woman wants to be treated like the most special princes on earth. Yet she wants to be trated like an equal. She wants a man to think higly of himself but not put himself over her. It is a complex thing that woman want and often we don't know ourself what we want. So how could we always tell a man what we want. Sorry but we are quiet complex creatures.
> 
> But flowers always shock me but what takes my breath away faster than anything is sweet and special words from the heart.


Umm...generalizing much? I must politely disagree with you, ma'am.

I have nothing against a guy holding doors open for me or giving me his seat or carrying my heavy luggage, as long as he'd be open to me doing the exact same things for him. :tongue:

I don't want to be treated like a princess. I don't want to be treated like I'm a perfect, profound and delicate puff of fairy farts. I just want to be treated like a human. I want to be treated like an equal.

The moment an act of "chivalry" becomes undesirable is when I get a sense of "I'm such a hero" or condescension from the guy giving it. He should do nice, "chivalrious" things to everyone, not just me, because they are nice things to do for people! :blushed:


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Thank you for giving me permission. Lol.

I don't care about opening doors, if someone doesn't hold the door, I assume they're having a shitty day and move on. I hate the act of being given flowers.

1. It's ridiculously unoriginal. Yet another act bred into men by society.
2. Flowers only live for about a week... what's the point?
3. I can't believe people go around killing living things just to feel valid.

I don't need to be taken care of unless I'm sick. I would be more insulted than happy.

And I was just being funny about the knight thing since chivalry really does directly involve knights.

AND finally, a man being "chivalrous" isn't desperate. I was referring only to that specific situation. Don't pamper me for no reason.


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## CuritadeRana (Mar 19, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Personally, I don't want to be treated like a princess. I don't like a guy to think of me as his "princess," "angel," "goddess," or any of that pedestal shit.
> 
> Heartless Bitches International explains it better than I can. Quoted here: Nice guys... are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of *appreciating* [a woman], they *worship* her. [Women] are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them. (Emphasis added by me.)
> 
> ...



You blew me away with this....only thing I would change is favorite pizza to stir fry veggies but you hit all the bases and brought it home.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

A man better trreat me like a princess because I am not some helpless weak bitch that NEEDS a man. Unlike other woman I can hold out for what I WANT and not what I need. Becasue I don't NEED any man.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

I don't want chivalry, I hate the term. I want a man to be considerate of me, just like he should be to anyone. Chivarly defines the action by it's target. It isn't certain behavior but certain behavior _toward_ women, especially those women deemed worthy of special treatment (ie; ladies), and that I don't approve of.

If you're a decent enough man you don't have to focus on chivalry because your actions and attitudes towards people in general, not just me or just women, will be considerate and well-mannered. That's what I ask for. For example, I'm just as likely to open a door for a man as I am to accept a man opening a door for me. Whichever of us gets there first holds the door open for the other, that's polite. It irritates me so much when a man rushes to open a door for me or refuses to enter first when I hold a door open for him because I'm a 'lady' and I should enter first. I consider that to be very rude.


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## darlarosa (Jul 20, 2010)

It is interesting to me that it seems that some women take certain chivalrous acts as either intrusive or sweet. On one hand some say being treated as a "princess" is more annoying and the guy obviously tries to hard. On the other you have those that want there man to some what regularly swoon over them. I know plenty of men who do treat their lovely ladies as princesses not out of desperation, but as regular thing. Yet I also know MANY who are tare desperate to please without meaning it. I find it very fascinating.

Well I suppose I should post my ideas on what I'd like a man to do. I think it is important for a man to just remember his ladies needs and desires, as well as his own. Sure he can cook me breakfast or take me out to lunch, but he should be able to be honest with me when he does not want to go out. I enjoy being treated like a lady, being looked at as a woman, and occasionally having the sense knocked into me when I am acting just plane loopy.


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Blue Butterfly said:


> A man better trreat me like a princess because I am not some helpless weak bitch that NEEDS a man. Unlike other woman I can hold out for what I WANT and not what I need. Becasue I don't NEED any man.


Seeing as princesses are known for the helplessness, this makes no sense~


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## PyrLove (Jun 6, 2010)

Cruciferae said:


> It irritates me so much when a man rushes to open a door for me or refuses to enter first when I hold a door open for him because I'm a 'lady' and I should enter first. I consider that to be very rude.


Holding open a door is not chivalrous, or unchivalrous. It is simply the way some men were raised and has nothing to do with you personally. It is a common occurrence in my corner of the world and isn't related to age, ethnicity, or knowing/not knowing the woman. Please consider this next time it happens for you. It means nothing more than if he held the elevator for you. Or gave you a nod in the hallway or on the street.

On to the OP.... Chivalry is a demonstration of respect and does not equate to romance. It does not degrade me as a woman for a man to act with simple courtesy and attentiveness. An older male coworker always opens the door for me and frequently picks up my favorite coffee drink, unasked, when he gets one for himself. This is chivalry. I assure you, he does not think I am incapable of doing these things myself.

Romantically.... Flowers, candlelight, canned compliments on a first date are invasive and set up expectations I'm not usually willing to meet. After the relationship has been established, I'm a sucker for the occasional romantic gesture. Those gestures are better, though, when they are creative and sincere which isn't possible until after we've known each other for awhile.


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

I think it is important for a female to realise that we also hold doors open for other males. It often comes under the category of 'efficiency of movement'. In effect the opportunity cost is low and it is a nice thing to do. Get over it; holding a door open does not imply that we are desperate. Perhaps desperate for efficency at most.


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## Monkey Fritz (Apr 23, 2010)

Monte said:


> Annnnd, I don't plan on dating a knight, so this question does not apply to me. x)


Guess that rules me out, damn.


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## Monkey Fritz (Apr 23, 2010)

Monte said:


> I don't care about opening doors, if someone doesn't hold the door, I assume they're having a shitty day and move on. I hate the act of being given flowers.
> 
> 1. It's ridiculously unoriginal. Yet another act bred into men by society.
> 2. Flowers only live for about a week... what's the point?
> ...


I do have my off days, but in this day and age its more waving my arm and stepping aside as the automatic door opens for you. I hate the act of buying flowers, have you seen the ridiculous prices they charge for dead plants nowadays??
A truly chivalrous guy would do something original, we wouldn't pick it up from a manual on "how to date needy, indecisive women who love flowers, chocolate and diamonds."

How about a glass rose?
1. Original
2. Won't die
2. Made from sand, no one was validated

Being sick is just an excuse to pull out all the stops and do everything to take care of you :tongue:

A Knight, by pre-Arthurian reckoning, would be anyone who is of a chivalrous nature. Chivalry made the Knights, not the other way around. (besides I like waving a stick around and pretending I could finally aford the shiny armor :crazy


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

Opening the door for a woman is just a drop in the sea of what chivalry is. It is actually quite insulting to even mention it as a stereotype.


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## Quintup (Jul 20, 2010)

Chivalry is appallingly sexist. Besides, while no (straight) girl will tell you this, secretly, about ninety percent of them are far more drawn to the jerky, meathead Alpha-types with low IQs who screw up, then apologize, then repeat, rather than the nice ones who bring them flowers.


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

Chivalry is not sexist at all. It is about showing respect to yourself and other human beings. The modern chivalry, the one about treating women like they are made of glass, is indeed out of place.


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