# Gift with strings. Advice please!



## selchiechildofcassandra (Feb 23, 2010)

Weird situation:

I broke off our unhealthy relationship.
He had already mailed me something.

Before the breaking off/up -
I feel he pushed me into accepting this gift (he said he was going to send it without my permission - which I found high handed)
but eventually I did agree.

It's illegal
which is why I initially didn't want to bring it into a shared household (feels like a breach of trust)

It's a gift I could really use
yet I don't want to accept any help from him
I might be too stubborn for my own good
sending it back seems vindictive
Accepting it seems wrong
Throwing it away seems childish and wasteful

I feel like I'm falling through on principles over one thing or another
and I'm so annoyed with my overthinking process.

This gift has SO.MANY.STRINGS.

Outside perspectives humbly requested. What would you do with such a gift?


----------



## VIM (Jul 13, 2015)

selchiechildofcassandra said:


> Weird situation:
> 
> I broke off our unhealthy relationship.
> He had already mailed me something.
> ...


it would concern me that the person did not respect my wishes.

i would not want that person - who has no interest in my best - then to feel entitled to further interaction with me because of accepting the gift.

will he feel entitled if you receive it. 

if so, do the benefits the gift brings to your life outweigh the possible misery and betrayal of trust inside the shared household?


----------



## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Chuck if off a pier. That should limit complications. 

Look at it like this. You either have principles or you don't. They are a full time thing.


----------



## TheCosmicHeart (Jun 24, 2015)

I would definitely suggest stick to your principles and even though it would seem vindictive I would suggest sending it back, 1 it would drive the message home that you didn't want it, 2 it would be inappropriate to re gift it. Or the other option on the table is pawn it if you do not feel comfortable sending it back that way it can be sold to someone who needs it and you could get cash to use for something you need...


----------



## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

I think your assessment that you may be too stubborn is somewhat correct. The way I see it, a present is a present. You should be able to accept it without worry because presents should not come with ulterior motives. It was his mistake to believe that they do.

It also sounds like he sent it prior to the break-up. It belongs to you now. Keep it. What he thinks doesn't matter because he elected to send it, a present, which in no way entitles him.


----------



## saxol (Aug 20, 2015)

Without knowing more I would not keep it If I was in your situation.


----------



## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

you said it was illegal
and yet you want to keep it?


----------



## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

Vinniebob said:


> you said it was illegal
> and yet you want to keep it?


Yes, I picked up in that too. If you send it back, you can be the one ending up in trouble. Heck, if you keep it, you might end up getting in trouble. It sounds like you view your ex as manipulative, so that should tell you something. 

I'd say pitch the gift ASAP! Preferably in a way that no one can trace it back to you, so a pier does sound good... ;-)


----------



## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Swede said:


> Yes, I picked up in that too. If you send it back, you can be the one ending up in trouble. Heck, if you keep it, you might end up getting in trouble. It sounds like you view your ex as manipulative, so that should tell you something.
> 
> I'd say pitch the gift ASAP! Preferably in a way that no one can trace it back to you, so a pier does sound good... ;-)


i'm curious as to what it is
my INTJ mind has been racing at warp 12 trying to figure it out
used body parts?
recycled human remains?
kilo of heroin?
plutonium?
the list is endless
the possibilities many


----------



## selchiechildofcassandra (Feb 23, 2010)

Vinniebob said:


> i'm curious as to what it is
> my INTJ mind has been racing at warp 12 trying to figure it out
> used body parts?
> recycled human remains?
> ...


Ahaha. Please allow me to interrupt you at your warp 12 speed to let you know it's not nearly so dramatic or interesting. Legal repercussions would be unlikely and minor. My driving point was more a matter of conflicting principles, a tussle about setting inter & intrapersonal boundaries.

...I'm slightly sorry I've disappointed your imagination.


----------



## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

selchiechildofcassandra said:


> ...I'm slightly sorry I've disappointed your imagination.


:sad:


----------



## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

selchiechildofcassandra said:


> Ahaha. Please allow me to interrupt you at your warp 12 speed to let you know it's not nearly so dramatic or interesting. Legal repercussions would be unlikely and minor. My driving point was more a matter of conflicting principles, a tussle about setting inter & intrapersonal boundaries.
> 
> ...I'm slightly sorry I've disappointed your imagination.


well, you could have lied
something like severed human head would have sufficed :kitteh:


----------



## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

If it's useful and you're going to use it, keep it.


----------



## RantnRave (May 1, 2015)

Oh oh! Blood diamonds! It is isn't it!?

Honestly, yes let it fly into the ocean.


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Personally, I'd use it. All interpersonal implications aside, stuff is stuff. If you guys are broken up, and there's little likelihood of him being able to manipulate you with it (since there's not much likelihood of legal ramifications), then it seems like the strings are dissolved and it has reverted to just being useful stuff. I do totally understand why you wouldn't feel totally right about accepting it, but just for me personally I think wasting would be more of a violation of my personal principles. If I really didn't want it, I'd find someone I could pass it on to, or at least something I could do with it that wouldn't be just adding it to a landfill.


----------



## Blissfulwish (Jul 7, 2009)

selchiechildofcassandra said:


> Weird situation:
> It's illegal
> which is why I initially didn't want to bring it into a shared household (feels like a breach of trust)


I would toss it, although the legal repercussions would be minimal if none at all, the fact that you wouldn't want to bring it in the household would be reason enough. Do you really want to damage the trust? How important is it to you? If it's something that makes other's uncomfortable then it's not worth it. Besides, why would you want something that remind you of your ex even if something that you needed? The relationship is over with, move on and walk away.


----------



## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

selchiechildofcassandra said:


> Weird situation:
> 
> I broke off our unhealthy relationship.
> He had already mailed me something.
> ...


Illegal...generally stuff isn't illegal unless the general population feels like it is unwise to own or use. I'd chuck it. I certainly wouldn't risk sending something illegal back in the mail.

If it was something that I was going to use that was not illegal, I'd probably keep it unless it was either a high value item that the other person could use or resell, in which case I'd probably send it back.


----------



## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

Illegal... Have many strings... Is it an over-engineered garrote weapon from Victorian era or a stolen guitar?


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I was assuming the leafy green kind of illegal. There are a lot more interesting possibilities here, aren't there...


----------



## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

throwing away perfectly good MJ is such a waste...just give it to some homeless people and tell him his gift got lost in the mail

^ #ihavenoscrupples


----------



## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Keep it, return the box to him with a middle-finger on it 

Best of two worlds.
Or a letter that says something, if you want to be more mature about it.
Or a spring-trap with a pie if you want to be more immature.
Or a spring-trap with an acid pie if you're insane.

Either way, if you really want it, keep it.


----------

