# Why Men Are So Obsessed With Sex.



## Roman Empire (Oct 22, 2014)

Why Men Are So Obsessed With Sex - Interchange Counseling InstituteInterchange Counseling Institute 


Maybe it is just me, but it is one of the few things that really gave me an "aHA" moment in my life when it came to relationships, sex, and gender roles in it. A lot of it makes immense logical sense to me, and explains why certain behaviors might be and how they came to be. 

So I just wanted to share it if you could get any value out of it as well, or maybe even more insight hearing your opinions/thoughts about the blog. If it has been posted before, then I am sorry. Just delete the post mods, no bad feelings.


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## Belzy (Aug 12, 2013)

Whenever I am with someone, I have never thought about wanting sex with that person. Is that normal?


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## Korra (Feb 28, 2015)

AAADD said:


> Whenever I am with someone, I have never thought about wanting sex with that person. Is that normal?


Er, have you ever heard of the term "asexual"? 
That's me at least.


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## Belzy (Aug 12, 2013)

Korra said:


> Er, have you ever heard of the term "asexual"?
> That's me at least.


Yes, I have. And I am pretty sure I am heterosexual because women do turn me on at different moments/ways, but just not when I have personal contact with them.


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## Belzy (Aug 12, 2013)

Korra said:


> Er, have you ever heard of the term "asexual"?
> That's me at least.


Or can I be? And why? What does it mean?

Is it because I am still virgin? Is it because I am scared? Doesn't it feel safe enough to me?
Or am virgin because I may be asexual afterall?

I am reading about it, and it sounds like me the part about what they do when it concerns sexual arrousing.


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## JayShambles (Aug 9, 2016)

From my experience women love it as much as us men.


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## Belzy (Aug 12, 2013)

What they say about what an asexual looks for in a relationship:

no desire for sex, but:
deeper meaning based on inticimy for example based on hugging and kissing

That's me. When thinking about a relationship I think about being together, close, hugging, doing stuff together, everything but sex (that's the very last thing I fantasize about then, thus basicly not).

And I only want it with a female person, doesn't matter what she got between her legs btw. I don't care much for vaginas. Is that normal? How does a typical male feel about vaginas? I like the rest of the female body though, certain aspects very much and I find 'em sexual. (I am most attracted to trans women btw. and my sexual fantasies are mostly about them, but never been close with someone like that)

Now I really don't understand myself anymore.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

AAADD said:


> What they say about what an asexual looks for in a relationship:
> 
> no desire for sex, but:
> deeper meaning based on inticimy for example based on hugging and kissing
> ...


You sound like me. I'm usually turned off by the sight/idea of vaginas, but make exception for trans vagina (trans women, not trans men). And I'm especially averse to the idea of sticking my... whatever, in there. People probably think, "What's wrong with you?!" but I'm used to it.


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## Belzy (Aug 12, 2013)

WamphyriThrall said:


> You sound like me. I'm usually turned off by the sight/idea of vaginas, but make exception for trans vagina (trans women, not trans men). And I'm especially averse to the idea of sticking my... whatever, in there. People probably think, "What's wrong with you?!" but I'm used to it.


I don't care for trans women vaginas either. Then I rather have a girl who is born as one. 

I have never tried to have sex with anyone though. I wonder how this will be like for me, and how I will respond to it.


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## MrT (Feb 21, 2016)

I think woman love sex just as much as men but because men glorify it it's just more relevant in our conversations. But if we're being honest, most girls I meet are much more horny than guys I know - they just tend to not make it public knowledge.


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## Tortoise20 (Aug 12, 2016)

am not!!!


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

AAADD said:


> I don't care for trans women vaginas either. Then I rather have a girl who is born as one.
> 
> I have never tried to have sex with anyone though. I wonder how this will be like for me, and how I will respond to it.


Probably like your first kiss (embarrassing and awkward), just 20x more painful!


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

This was an interesting read! I do agree that men are socially conditioned to be out of touch with their emotions, to suppress or repress, to numb themselves. The only acceptable form of emotional expression seems to be anger, to be channelled through fighting, competition, aggression. I can see how sex or sexuality could be the only medium for them to truly let go, express pleasure and sensuality, and perhaps the more vulnerable emotions (love, pleasure, desire) as well. 

It's interesting how women were socially conditioned as well, in the opposite way. Women were encouraged to express their emotions as a primary way of relating to others, and considered inherently fragile, emotional, relational. However, their sexuality was repressed and denied for the longest time if you look at history. The Victorian Era essentially represented women as these pure creatures that did not think about sex, experienced no desire whatsoever. 

When it comes to sex, the pressure for men is to boast and to exaggerate, and the pressure for women is to hide, minimize and deny. Which sucks, because both men *AND* women are very sexual, sensual creatures, and it should be celebrated rather than shamed. (And I would say the shaming of sexuality is not something men are immune to either, it seems to be the product of growing up in a religious, conservative environment.) 

*Tl;dr: social conditioning sucks, and both men and women suffer from it. *


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

AAADD said:


> What they say about what an asexual looks for in a relationship:
> 
> no desire for sex, but:
> deeper meaning based on inticimy for example based on hugging and kissing
> ...





WamphyriThrall said:


> You sound like me. I'm usually turned off by the sight/idea of vaginas, but make exception for trans vagina (trans women, not trans men). And I'm especially averse to the idea of sticking my... whatever, in there. People probably think, "What's wrong with you?!" but I'm used to it.


Uh, vaginas aren't attractive. I think the vast majority of straight guys even think this. When I'm turned on be a woman it has nothing to do with her vagina.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

apa said:


> Why Men Are So Obsessed With Sex - Interchange Counseling InstituteInterchange Counseling Institute
> 
> 
> Maybe it is just me, but it is one of the few things that really gave me an "aHA" moment in my life when it came to relationships, sex, and gender roles in it. A lot of it makes immense logical sense to me, and explains why certain behaviors might be and how they came to be.
> ...


I wish to add something to this.

_And if a feminist wants to smack back at this and call it sexist, know that (a) it isn't sexist. (b) I've got science on my back, do a google research first. (c) if you don't have your facts together and still accuse me of sexism I won't bother answering._

There was a study made on the sensitivity of boys are girls.

Girls are naturally seen as more sensitive... but is this really the case or is it just social construct ?

As the article said, boys are automatically conditioned to be not-girly or else they're weak, not worthy.


A study was made both on women and men. 1st part was a brain activity, and 2nd a survey.

Fatherâ€™s Day 2014: Study shows men are more emotionally sensitive than women â€“ theyâ€™re just also better at hiding it | The Independent

_(This is just an article I googled right now, the original article I read was a different one, anyway it talks about the same thing)_

*TLR* Men had stronger physiological responses than women on all 4 categories _(blissful, funny, exciting and heart-warming)_ that were tested, but on the survey men rated their on perception of their own physiological responses lower than thier women counterparts.

*Basically:* Men thought they had lower physiological responses than women when in fact they had stronger, women thought they had stronger physiological responses than men when in fact they had lower.

*The conclusion the study reached was that:* men are, in fact, more sensitive than women when it comes to emotional stimuli—they're just better at keeping their feelings locked down.


And some quotes:

_“We tend to oversimplify and exaggerate the perceived differences between men and women and are more likely to focus on evidence that supports our existing gender stereotypes.

“This study suggests that men feel emotion just as much as women, sometimes more strongly, but are less willing to express these emotions openly due to expectations put on them by society.”_


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

apa said:


> Why Men Are So Obsessed With Sex - Interchange Counseling InstituteInterchange Counseling Institute
> 
> 
> Maybe it is just me, but it is one of the few things that really gave me an "aHA" moment in my life when it came to relationships, sex, and gender roles in it. A lot of it makes immense logical sense to me, and explains why certain behaviors might be and how they came to be.
> ...




That is based on the theory that gender is a social construct, which it isn't.


Men are competitive, we think about sex so much, because of this little hormone we have pumping through our bodies called "Testosterone".


All that "gender is a social construct" bullshit is just used to shame men for being what they are.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

AAADD said:


> Fatherâ€™s Day 2014: Study shows men are more emotionally sensitive than women â€“ theyâ€™re just also better at hiding it | The Independent


This is interesting and even though it's just a small study it fits my personal experiences. Men experience emotions in just as much depth as women do. One thing I'll add is just like men tend to downplay their emotions women tend to exaggerate them, so both of these explains the disparity when men and women were asked how much the videos affected them. Some of the women probably exaggerated based on the gender role that women, especially mothers are supposed to be in touch with the emotions those videos would evoke.


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## Belzy (Aug 12, 2013)

Sporadic Aura said:


> Uh, vaginas aren't attractive. I think the vast majority of straight guys even think this. When I'm turned on be a woman it has nothing to do with her vagina.


Oh, Then there's still hope for me I guess

I'm reading a book, and I'm starting to think something in me doesn't want a relationship yet, and it's blocking me having one.

The women I've been most close with are, well, most of them (or some) are asexual (or something else but just not really sexual minded to boys). Perhaps that doesn't help either?


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

Started to read it and I can't really stomach this BS.

I mean really, is the US that fucked up? 

Or are some people just looking for narratives to explain things about themselves?


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## Ashie (Sep 4, 2016)

apa said:


> Why Men Are So Obsessed With Sex - Interchange Counseling InstituteInterchange Counseling Institute


I answered the question in my head before reading the article: socialization

Sure enough.



SilverFalcon said:


> Started to read it and I can't really stomach this BS.
> 
> I mean really, is the US that fucked up?
> 
> Or are some people just looking for narratives to explain things about themselves?


The US is really that fucked up. I mean, people are looking for narratives as well, but the US really is that fucked up. Grew up in Canada (not significantly less fucked up) and most of the time I feel like I would rather put a bullet in my head than go back. People here don't get that, but most of them have never even been there on vacation, they just "heard it's nice". Mhmm.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

Aridela said:


> Not sure I get you? Care to elaborate?


Thread is about why men are obsessed with sex, I'm asking op why he or she isn't.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Well, women tend to hold more clout. They pretty much set the pace of a relationship and men must go through silly rituals. Oh, they have vaginas, too, so that might make anal seem redundant. There's the whole "lady" image to uphold.
> 
> I've found studies that say more women try anal sex than gay men, actually, but don't know if it was their own choice, how much they liked it, or how regularly they had it.


We do try anal. I actually like it most of the time. 

BUT it's not what I'd choose over vaginal sex. 

I also like giving bjs to my boyfriend. But I don't like being expected to. It's an extra and it's mostly because I am a giver. I like making people feel good, regardless of the relationship being sexual or not. 

If I didn't though, I *would* be labelled as dull, no fun etc. I guy who doesn't go down on his gf every single time is still considered the norm.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

johnson.han.3 said:


> Thread is about why men are obsessed with sex, I'm asking op why he or she isn't.


Sorry, thought you were referring to my post.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Aridela said:


> We do try anal. I actually like it most of the time.
> 
> BUT it's not what I'd choose over vaginal sex.
> 
> ...


Well, not all of us have vaginas (or are willing to get them installed)  Plus, prostates are awesome.

Guys should be more firm on certain acts or dump someone who isn't compatible. We might see less porn addiction, prostitution, or divorces.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Well, not all of us have vaginas (or are willing to get them installed)  Plus, prostates are awesome.
> 
> Guys should be more firm on certain acts or dump someone who isn't compatible. We might see less porn addiction, prostitution, or divorces.


I completely agree, guys *and *girls should be more firm and be encouraged to express their likes and dislikes. 

Also, both sexes should respect their partner's wishes and decide if it's more important for them to get a bj everyday, or if having it as a special occasion thing would suffice. Relationships are give and take. Even a purely sexual relationship should be all about ensuring both (or any number) participants are satisfied and their wishes respected.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Aridela said:


> Exactly.
> 
> Some people may be predisposed towards a 'giver' preference but it's obvious that for women this is also a socially conditioned role, regardless of one's preference.


There's a similar role for men; basically "the orgasm giver", or "you are responsible for the woman's pleasure". 


* *




I should probably be clear I'm not arguing from resentment (for some reason I think it could be read that way); I'm predisposed to a 'giver' preference myself. I just find the notion absurd and I think it tends to make women sexually passive, and men either too mechanical or full of themselves because they take too much credit.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Aridela said:


> I completely agree, guys *and *girls should be more firm and be encouraged to express their likes and dislikes.
> 
> Also, both sexes should respect their partner's wishes and decide if it's more important for them to get a bj everyday, or if having it as a special occasion thing would suffice. Relationships are give and take. Even a purely sexual relationship should be all about ensuring both (or any number) participants are satisfied and their wishes respected.


In an ideal world, we'd all be the same sex


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## Roman Empire (Oct 22, 2014)

johnson.han.3 said:


> Thread is about why men are obsessed with sex, I'm asking op why he or she isn't.


Has OP said he or she wasn't?


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

WamphyriThrall said:


> In an ideal world, we'd all be the same sex


It would make things less complicated, yes.


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## Nuberschutze (Apr 11, 2015)

-- del --


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

ninjahitsawall said:


> There's a similar role for men; basically "the orgasm giver", or "you are responsible for the woman's pleasure".
> 
> 
> * *
> ...


It's the same as with social roles predefined for each sex. 

It'd be great if all women wanted to have kids and all men wanted to be the breadwinners. Unfortunately this is not the case. Some people will get off just giving pleasure but most people will need to feel cared for/having their needs met in order to gain any pleasure from sex.


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## DudeGuy (Aug 5, 2013)

Why are humans so obsessed with sex?


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Well, women tend to hold more clout. They pretty much set the pace of a relationship and men must go through silly rituals. Oh, they have vaginas, too, so that might make anal seem redundant. There's the whole "lady" image to uphold.
> 
> I've found studies that say more women try anal sex than gay men, actually, but don't know if it was their own choice, how much they liked it, or how regularly they had it.


Straight men like vagina's.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

DudeGuy said:


> Why are humans so obsessed with sex?



Animal instincts.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Neverontime said:


> Straight men like vagina's.


Cool story, bro


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> Cool story, bro


Maybe you just wanted to make snarky comments about pitying straight men because women don't want to fuck like paid porn stars all the time. Fair play, I shouldn't have expected more of you really. My bad.


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## ae1905 (Jun 7, 2014)

halfamazing said:


> I really hate the feeling that I have right now. There is so much more involved from a cultural/genetics standpoint. Do you know why black men have longer penises? Because African women had their ovaries sitting higher because of the African Heat. Therefore, in order to reach the ovaries, you get the picture....
> 
> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2593128/
> 
> _"*White women have a wider pelvic inlet, wider outlet, and shallower anteroposterior outlet than African-American women. *In addition, after vaginal delivery, white women demonstrate less pelvic floor mobility. These differences may contribute to observed racial differences in obstetric outcomes and to the development of pelvic floor disorders"._


I speculated about this years ago...interesting to see some science behind it

thanks


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Neverontime said:


> Maybe you just wanted to make snarky comments about pitying straight men because women don't want to fuck like paid porn stars all the time. Fair play, I shouldn't have expected more of you really. My bad.


I never mentioned pr0n???


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## ae1905 (Jun 7, 2014)

apa said:


> I thought I was explaining it fine enough why I was making this post in the OP. But apparently not. So I'll kindly try again. I created it because it gave me some views/perspectives I haven't thought about before, wrong or right, I am not to judge. But it is an explanation and a viewpoint why so many men might be more cut off from their emotions and sharing them in a vulnerable way compared to women. That is at least the experience where I live (Denmark) - Most men seem incredibly scared of being vulnerable, and we have this "bro"-facade going on. And the only time they really get vulnerable and close to another person seems to be when they have sex. So of course we have our "hormones" that makes us want to have sex. It's natural. But there's different degrees of approaching it. Maybe you already had a very healthy life where you got all your emotional needs met, so it was only the hormones taking charge of you. But maybe you are emotionally deprived on the top of that, and it literally makes you nearly obsessed with getting sex, because not only is it your hormones naturally wanting it, but you are also so deprived of emotional care and intimacy with another person that this is the closest you get. From my experience, most people seem to like to being cared for. To be touched, cuddled, and wanted. It doesn't matter if you're an average joe, a super geek, or a big tough guy with tattoos down your neck. When all those 3 people have sex, they seem to enjoy cuddling, and being vulnerable in ways they would never be in their normal surroundings because then they are seen as *******/losers. Most guys would probably enjoy a shoulder massage from another man, well shoulder massage feels good nomatter gender. But in my society it would be very awkward for 2 guys to do that, especially when there's other guys around too. But if women did it, no one would really question it. I have just never thought about why, and that is what this article give some perspectives/reasons for.
> 
> I don't understand why so many of you seemingly exaggerate about the articles content, which makes me question if you red it in the first place, or just red the title, and made a comment. From what I understand the article does never state men are sexual monsters out of control. It just tries to give an explanation for a certain behavior and difference between men and woman when it comes to emotional vulnerability.
> 
> Your message seem extremely black and white. Claiming I believe men are sex monsters sticking their dicks in everything that moves and I need to stop watching movies. I am not sure why I even do the effort writing this message to you, when you did not effort to read or understand the content of the article, before blasting your judgments.


the idea of male social conditioning is not new...the use of the idea to explain male "obsession with sex" may be?...though I doubt it...anyway, it's a plausible explanation for those men who can only feel intimacy during sex...I don't think this describes all men, though...but maybe the article wasn't trying to do that?....I only scanned it quickly...if it didn't then that is the source of some of the criticism you are receiving


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

WamphyriThrall said:


> I never mentioned pr0n???


Cool story, bro.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Reality Check said:


> I assumed you meant dating sites when you said adult sites, I keep forgetting that porn exists. 3 years clean from that addiction.


It's a hook up/porn/sex online community type site.


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## ae1905 (Jun 7, 2014)

Cheveyo said:


> No, I claimed that the need for sex and the need for intimacy were both naturally evolved reactions.
> 
> These are things you can see in other animals. Even dogs get lonely. That's why the always clump together when there's the option to. This is why your cat comes and sits on your lap, or your dog sits on you.
> 
> There's nothing socially constructed about these things. Not even trying to get sex to get intimacy is socially constructed.


yeah, there is...your cat might seek out your lap _because _you've let it sit on your lap...people, otoh, who don't encourage this have cats that are _not _lap sitters

training--ie, social conditioning channelling a natural need into acceptable behaviors

in the same way, some men might seek out sex to find intimacy because they've been denied the chance to find it in other ways--ie, they've been _trained _to act that way


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Cheveyo said:


> No, I mean you've observed some differences in what is said.
> 
> What were those differences?


On this thread, it was that many straight men don't think vaginas are attractive.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Neverontime said:


> It's a hook up/porn/sex online community type site.


Ive no experience in those sorts of sites to be honest.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Neverontime said:


> On this thread, it was that many straight men don't think vaginas are attractive.


Personally I don't view vagina's as attractive or unattractive. They just are what they are. Its not like breasts or a womans face which can be seen or at least assumed when viewing women. That said, I would probably be turned off by a blue waffle or a strong smell/taste of cheese. But personally I cant say a person is ore or less attractive due to their vagina, unless its a nudist beach. And even then if I was walking around looking at vagina's I would appear creepy at best and have the sh*t beaten out of me at worst.

Oh and then there is the shaving aspect, if it isn't at least trimmed then it is a turn off. Unless I have run out of dental floss of course.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Neverontime said:


> It's a hook up/porn/sex online community type site.




Well, since this is a pop-psychology website, maybe more men care what you are on the inside. Have you tried seducing men here with a lung x ray?


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Tropes said:


> Well, since this is a pop-psychology website, maybe more men care what you are on the inside. Have you tried seducing men here with a lung x ray?


Lung X-Rays. I thought it was the mind that mattered. I have just sharpened my scalpel set and cleaned my bonesaw. The next woman I meet I can cut her head open and saw off the top half of the skull (ive seen Saw 4, so have a good idea what I am doing). Then I can finally see an attractive mind. I cant wait.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

Neverontime said:


> On this thread, it was that many straight men don't think vaginas are attractive.



Is that it?

I'm not trying to interrogate you or anything, but what you said sparked my interest.

So now I'm curious.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Reality Check said:


> Lung X-Rays. I thought it was the mind that mattered. I have just sharpened my scalpel set and cleaned my bonesaw. The next woman I meet I can cut her head open and saw off the top half of the skull (ive seen Saw 4, so have a good idea what I am doing). Then I can finally see an attractive mind. I cant wait.


Yea, I miss Dexter too.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

Entropic said:


> That's a non sequitur because I never said that. Instead, the argument was that you are the one posting apparently resentful posts because you struggle with finding intimacy with women and you seem to posit that this should be true for men in general, and I simply said that I don't experience that issue because I am in an intimate relationship.



The resentment you're feeling is entirely something you're projecting. There is no emotion in the posts I've made in this thread. Well, other than being curious about what Never said, but that's closer to excitement than resentment. 





> Maybe if you didn't posted about how sorry it is for you and how difficult it is for men to be intimate, people wouldn't point that out.


Yes, I suppose having empathy for men is something rare enough to cause people to assume I hate women.





> Makes sense in your own head, maybe. It doesn't bother me actually, I was about to ignore you, but in the light of the content of the OP, I found the nature of your post ironic and wanted to point that out.
















> Except I never said that and in fact I actually argued the opposite; the desire for human intimacy is universal and is a result of evolution by virtue of being pack animals.



No, that's what I said. And since you disagreed with me, it means you weren't saying that.





> Except no one said that. What people are talking about is that how people choose to express intimacy and how we are taught to seek it out, *is*. You are confusing need with expressions of needs.



That's still less of a social construct and more of a naturally evolved solution to a problem.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

ae1905 said:


> yeah, there is...your cat might seek out your lap _because _you've let it sit on your lap...people, otoh, who don't encourage this have cats that are _not _lap sitters
> 
> training--ie, social conditioning channelling a natural need into acceptable behaviors
> 
> in the same way, some men might seek out sex to find intimacy because they've been denied the chance to find it in other ways--ie, they've been _trained _to act that way




Why would they be trained to be that way and simultaneously looked down upon for it? That doesn't make sense. Wouldn't they be trained to seek intimacy in socially acceptable ways?

That's what social construction is. Training people to act in socially acceptable ways. So training someone to act a way that's frowned upon isn't social construction, since it would go against the idea.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Cheveyo said:


> I'm not trying to interrogate you or anything, but what you said sparked my interest.



Ooh, it's interrogating @Neverontime time? Finally. The following dots sparked my curiosity: 



Neverontime said:


> It's a hook up/porn/sex online community type site.


Ok, so there's this ^ and there's that thread and there's your relationship status and you asking why would someone think you want to meet people IRL, and I think at some point you mentioned questioning monogamy but I can't remember the thread. Are you in a partially open relationship with an only online stuff allowed kind of deal?


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Tropes said:


> Well, since this is a pop-psychology website, maybe more men care what you are on the inside. Have you tried seducing men here with a lung x ray?


No, I just bombard their inbox with pussy pics and call them frigid if they don't like it.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Tropes said:


> Yea, I miss Dexter too.


Ive never actually watched Dexter. I like Mixology though.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Tropes said:


> Ooh, it's interrogating @Neverontime time? Finally. The following dots sparked my curiosity:
> 
> 
> 
> Ok, so there's this ^ and there's that thread and there's your relationship status and you asking why would someone think you want to meet people IRL, and I think at some point you mentioned questioning monogamy but I can't remember the thread. Are you in a partially open relationship with an only online stuff allowed kind of deal?


Not bad. But no, online people aren't 'allowed'.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Neverontime said:


> No, I just bombard their inbox with pussy pics and call them frigid if they don't like it.


How would you know if they like it or not? What if its a 90 year old dude a wheel chair with an oxygen mask whacking away at his sausage after dropping a V or 2. Just picture that (please let me know if you actually pictured what I just said, according to my books, the phrase picture that should cause that to happen at a subconscious level, I'm curious to know).


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## ae1905 (Jun 7, 2014)

Cheveyo said:


> Why would they be trained to be that way and simultaneously looked down upon for it? That doesn't make sense. Wouldn't they be trained to seek intimacy in socially acceptable ways?
> 
> That's what social construction is. Training people to act in socially acceptable ways. So training someone to act a way that's frowned upon isn't social construction, since it would go against the idea.


with the cat it is looked down on, that's why it's discouraged

with men, boys aren't socialized specifically to seek intimacy in sex--that would be absurd--rather, seeking intimacy in sex is an _unintended byproduct _of their social conditioning


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

ae1905 said:


> with the cat it is looked down on, that's why it's discouraged
> 
> with men, boys aren't socialized specifically to seek intimacy in sex--that would be absurd--rather, seeking intimacy in sex is an _unintended byproduct _of their social conditioning


If anything I disagree, the message given out by "society"(who ever that is) is that sex is bad, and guys liking sex is mysogonistic.


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## ae1905 (Jun 7, 2014)

Reality Check said:


> If anything I disagree, the message given out by "society"(who ever that is) is that sex is bad, and guys liking sex is mysogonistic.


maybe, but my point is society gives no message about sex when it conditions boys to grow up to be "men"...what message could it give to a bunch of boys?...yet some boys who learn too well to be strong and silent end up not being able to find intimacy except in sex, all the "negative messaging", notwithstanding...at least this is how I interpret the article


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

ae1905 said:


> maybe, but my point is society gives no message about sex when it conditions boys to grow up to be "men"...what message could it give to a bunch of boys?...yet some boys who learn too well to be strong and silent end up not being able to find intimacy except in sex, all the "negative messaging", notwithstanding...at least this is how I interpret the article




Society gives plenty of messages about sex, though.

"Sex is bad. You're a horrible person for wanting it!"
"Why aren't you out there trying to get laid more often? What's wrong with you?"
"You finding women sexually attractive is WRONG!"
"What do you mean you don't want to be in a relationship, stop being a pussy and man up!"
"Stop raping women with your eyes!"
"What do you mean you don't want to fuck everything in sight? What's wrong with you!"
"Stop wanting to fuck everything sight, you sick freak!"


This is why a lot of men feel guilt about masturbating. I've spent some time on fetish forums for various types of fetishes. There's always guilt involved for a lot of people.


This is going to get worse in the near future, too. All you need to do is look at how colleges treat sex. Women never have to take responsibility for their actions because young men are expected to take it all. It's going to escalate.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Cheveyo said:


> The resentment you're feeling is entirely something you're projecting. There is no emotion in the posts I've made in this thread. Well, other than being curious about what Never said, but that's closer to excitement than resentment.


Ok, if you say so, but just because you don't think you are expressing emotion it doesn't mean that you're not and feelings are not always consciously felt but can equally be a part of our unconsciousness. If you weren't resentful you would pick different ways to express the same thing, imo or even more likely, not even give a shit by posting the stuff you do in the first place. 



> Yes, I suppose having empathy for men is something rare enough to cause people to assume I hate women.


Except you never actually express empathy for women and their issues, lol. No offense, but your idea of how to express empathy is very simplistic and singular and you think that having a binary understanding of a subject equals empathy. It doesn't. I am no less empathetic to men's issues, in fact, those are the main issues I care for, but I don't do that by trying to devalue the input of women or other experiences. The link in the OP is also actually an expression of sympathy towards men, but I think you don't recognize it as such because you again, have such a binary way of how to understand an issue. 



>


So you have no other way to retort? Cool. I take it then that you actually agree with me. 



> No, that's what I said. And since you disagreed with me, it means you weren't saying that.


Actually, I never disagreed with you but _you_ did disagree with me without even knowing what my position is. I simply quoted you for the sake of irony, but you were the one who went on how you think you disagree with me. 

Shall we go do the facts checking game again? 

So this is my first post, that quoted you:



> But this is _exactly _what the article is talking about, lol, and how it's problematic.


Your retort:

I all saw was "men are this way because society teaches them to be".

So I ask you a direct question which is a direct reference to your first post in this thread:



> So what is the reason you are so resentful towards women and being unable to find a date, again? If it's just sex you're after, why not opt for one-night-stands?


I wasn't asking out of spite, but it was a genuine question to highlight how you actually proved the premise of the article to be true. 

Instead of answering the question, you retort:



> That is some hardcore projection.


So again, I ask you what you mean:



> You ought to tell me that, seeing how I've been in a relationship for over 2 years, and I'm not the one taking every opportunity to write about how it sucks for men when it comes to intimacy. Go reread your own post in this thread for a clue.
> 
> Also, it's ironic you accuse us of being akin to crrationists. Now that is something I'd call projection since we never asserted that the need for intimacy isn't a result of evolution (which is more accurate than claiming it's an evolutionary response). *What people are arguing is HOW that response is colored by cultural gender expectations*, not that it's a universal human need to experience intimacy in itself.


The line in bolded is my main argument, also. 

Something you again failed to read from my post:



> So getting your dick wet means you don't hate women? Does that mean that my past relationships give me a free pass to say whatever I want? That can't be right, I can't say anything without you idiots thinking it's because I hate women.
> 
> Look, just be honest. The reason you keep saying shit like this is because I keep saying things that make sense. This bothers you. Instead of simply questioning your own beliefs, you try and dismiss me the only way you can, by claiming I hate women. This gives you the freedom to ignore that doubt I've created and let's you dismiss anything I say so you don't have to worry about more doubt creeping in.
> 
> ...


Nowhere did I mention anything about social constructs, nowhere did I mention anything about getting dicks wet and whatever other silly things you accuse me of. Actually, in retrospect, the fact you actually went so far as to call people for criticizing you "idiots" is actually report-worthy, but that's an aside.

So here we are. Exactly where did I express overt disagreement with you again? The majority of my posts to you have been direct questions to you, questions you refused to answer. You are the one disagreeing in various ways such as refusing to answer my questions and reading things that frankly aren't there. 



> That's still less of a social construct and more of a naturally evolved solution to a problem.


Except no. Now I am actually disagreeing with you, you know? Because I wrote this:



> What people are arguing is HOW [people's need for sex and/or intimacy] is colored by cultural gender expectations.


I don't think there's a universal way among how men and people in general try to be intimate and have sex with other people. It is clear that cultural perceptions greatly color people's attempts to create intimacy and sex. It is universal to want intimacy and to a degree, sex (there are asexual people however, which is why I am not going to say that it is always true), but how people go on fulfilling these needs is not only different among individuals (in fact, we are two good examples of that), but also varies by place and space and time. Ignoring these things in favor of a strictly biological explanation is committing the naturalist fallacy, given how there is so much evidence that supports the opposite e.g. different cultures have different ideas about what sex and intimacy mean and how to go on and acquire them.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

Entropic said:


> Ok, if you say so, but just because you don't think you are expressing emotion it doesn't mean that you're not and feelings are not always consciously felt but can equally be a part of our unconsciousness. If you weren't resentful you would pick different ways to express the same thing, imo or even more likely, not even give a shit by posting the stuff you do in the first place.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You don't have to mention social constructs when the idea this thread was built on is those things.
That is the topic we are discussing.






> I don't think there's a universal way among how men and people in general try to be intimate and have sex with other people. It is clear that cultural perceptions greatly color people's attempts to create intimacy and sex. It is universal to want intimacy and to a degree, sex (there are asexual people however, which is why I am not going to say that it is always true), but how people go on fulfilling these needs is not only different among individuals (in fact, we are two good examples of that), but also varies by place and space and time. Ignoring these things in favor of a strictly biological explanation is committing the naturalist fallacy, given how there is so much evidence that supports the opposite e.g. different cultures have different ideas about what sex and intimacy mean and how to go on and acquire them.





Explain to me how different cultures view these things. Or more specifically, explain how they are different than the way Americans view them.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Neverontime said:


> I do find it interesting that I don't encounter men in rl or on other forums, with the same attitudes as on this forum. I'd expect to find a mixture of both in both settings. But then, I also find it strange that the 'Women's experience of penetration' thread is leaning towards preferring penetration, when the common belief is that they usually don't. Although, that thread is still only on page 5, so there's not a lot of contributors to balance it out yet anyway. I'm interested in the reasons for such discrepancies.


Not sure about the poll results, but as far as this thread, I think it's been more or less established that introversion and MBTI intuition-preference is overrepresented on PerC. Maybe something to do with that? (Also related to what another user posted about PerC members being more interested in the psychology behind things).



Cheveyo said:


> This is why a lot of men feel guilt about masturbating. I've spent some time on fetish forums for various types of fetishes. There's always guilt involved for a lot of people.


This reminds me of an academic paper I read once where they measured different sexual attitudes. According to some of their metrics, they said men experienced more shame from masturbation than women.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Reality Check said:


> How would you know if they like it or not? What if its a 90 year old dude a wheel chair with an oxygen mask whacking away at his sausage after dropping a V or 2. Just picture that (please let me know if you actually pictured what I just said, according to my books, the phrase picture that should cause that to happen at a subconscious level, I'm curious to know).


I was picturing it as I was reading it. Except the traumatic memory of a pensioner's asshole pic kept popping up because you mentioned a 90 year old. So yeah, thanks a lot.  I've been trying to repress that.
I didn't notice 'just picture that' until I reread it.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Not sure about the poll results, but as far as this thread, I think it's been more or less established that introversion and MBTI intuition-preference is overrepresented on PerC. Maybe something to do with that? (Also related to what another user posted about PerC members being more interested in the psychology behind things).


True. Although, I think INXX are over represented online in general.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Reality Check said:


> Personally I don't view vagina's as attractive or unattractive. They just are what they are. Its not like breasts or a womans face which can be seen or at least assumed when viewing women. That said, I would probably be turned off by a blue waffle or a strong smell/taste of cheese. But personally I cant say a person is ore or less attractive due to their vagina, unless its a nudist beach. And even then if I was walking around looking at vagina's I would appear creepy at best and have the sh*t beaten out of me at worst.
> 
> Oh and then there is the shaving aspect, if it isn't at least trimmed then it is a turn off. Unless I have run out of dental floss of course.


:shocked: You don't like wild hairy muff?
Weirdo.  

^^joking^^


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Cheveyo said:


> Is that it?
> 
> I'm not trying to interrogate you or anything, but what you said sparked my interest.
> 
> So now I'm curious.


No, I've noticed other things in the past which I can't recall off the top of my head. If I do I will let you know.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Neverontime said:


> True. Although, I think INXX are over represented online in general.


Hmm, yeah. That is probably the case, at least as far as other forums..Maybe not for online hookups/sex chats/porn sites etc. 

Then again, depends on the type of forum. I mean if you're on a forum for cooking or something, I wouldn't imagine INxx (or just Ixxx and xNxx separately) being over-represented there. At least not to the same degree.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

Neverontime said:


> I was picturing it as I was reading it. Except the traumatic memory of a pensioner's asshole pic kept popping up because you mentioned a 90 year old. So yeah, thanks a lot.  I've been trying to repress that.
> I didn't notice 'just picture that' until I reread it.


Thanks for clarifying.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Hmm, yeah. That is probably the case, at least as far as other forums..Maybe not for online hookups/sex chats/porn sites etc.
> 
> Then again, depends on the type of forum. I mean if you're on a forum for cooking or something, I wouldn't imagine INxx (or just Ixxx and xNxx separately) being over-represented there. At least not to the same degree.


Wait....there are cooking forums? :shocked:

Yes, you could be right. Maybe we should do a poll.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Neverontime said:


> Wait....there are cooking forums? :shocked:
> 
> Yes, you could be right. Maybe we should do a poll.


I don't know, haha. My first thought was music, because I've browsed through some of those (like for musicians or producers/techs), and the demographic seems way different from here. But I figured cooking would be a similar example, with a more general audience.


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## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

Cheveyo said:


> What's with you people and trying to claim I'm making excuses or removing responsibility. Stop projecting and just read what's written.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah, a woman who is proactive can freak out some guys, but perhaps that says more about their attitude towards women, internalized expected role patterns, a need to be in control and fear of being emasculated?

And while you describe those men as messed up, caught off guard, like 'punched in the face' and disoriented you still like to presume she is the one who is mentally instable, rather than being the one who is courageous and defying fear of rejection, and the one who is exposed to sexual avances and aggression a lot more often, even despite avoiding eye contact or other social cues in body language that might actually help the other significantly reduce 'guessing' and from losing face and rejection, if the other was actually paying attention to non-verbal communication in stead of being utterly self-absorbed and seeing women as 'passive' flowers who aren't supposed to act.

And what is the difference in "bad judgement" between the men "who then usually will accept the flower (who approaches), thinking of the trek ahead if they don't take it" (sob) and a woman who spreads her legs to any dude who looks in her direction?

All I hear is excuses and projection.

And what's with "you people"?


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

mimesis said:


> Yeah, a woman who is proactive can freak out some guys, but perhaps that says more about their attitude towards women, internalized expected role patterns, a need to be in control and fear of being emasculated?
> 
> And while you describe those men as messed up, caught off guard, like 'punched in the face' and disoriented you still like to presume she is the one who is mentally instable, rather than being the one who is courageous and defying fear of rejection, and the one who is exposed to sexual avances and aggression a lot more often, even despite avoiding eye contact or other social cues in body language that might actually help the other significantly reduce 'guessing' and from losing face and rejection, if the other was actually paying attention to non-verbal communication in stead of being utterly self-absorbed and seeing women as 'passive' flowers who aren't supposed to act.
> 
> ...




A shit in the status quo catches everyone off guard. You can pretend to be as progressive as you want, but it'll still surprise you to have a woman ask you out on a date.


You're projecting your own view of women onto what I said.


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## Majority (Oct 3, 2016)

I don't relate at all. Couldn't read through it all, either. Is it strange that men go crazy over beautiful women?


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

mimesis said:


> Yeah, a woman who is proactive can freak out some guys, but perhaps that says more about their attitude towards women, internalized expected role patterns, a need to be in control and fear of being emasculated?
> 
> And while you describe those men as messed up, caught off guard, like 'punched in the face' and disoriented you still like to presume she is the one who is mentally instable, rather than being the one who is courageous and defying fear of rejection, and the one who is exposed to sexual avances and aggression a lot more often, even despite avoiding eye contact or other social cues in body language that might actually help the other significantly reduce 'guessing' and from losing face and rejection, if the other was actually paying attention to non-verbal communication in stead of being utterly self-absorbed and seeing women as 'passive' flowers who aren't supposed to act.
> 
> ...


How many women have you had approach you and how many women have you approached?

Lets first see if you have any experience in this situation and take it from there.


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## Roman Empire (Oct 22, 2014)

Majority said:


> I don't relate at all. Couldn't read through it all, either. Is it strange that men go crazy over beautiful women?


Is it strange not to understand the article, when not reading it?


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## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

Reality Check said:


> How many women have you had approach you and how many women have you approached?
> 
> Lets first see if you have any experience in this situation and take it from there.


Haha, is this a dick contest, or what?


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## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

Cheveyo said:


> A shit in the status quo catches everyone off guard. You can pretend to be as progressive as you want, but it'll still surprise you to have a woman ask you out on a date.
> 
> 
> You're projecting your own view of women onto what I said.


Standard defense mechanism? 

You are not the center of the universe. Other people have different experience, and elaborate that experience. And because of your rigidity, and closed mindedness I'm afraid things won't ever change for you. 

I've had women asking me out, and even more overwhelming ways of conquest that would probably blow your mind. But before that happens, there's a reciprocal climactic social interaction known as 'flirting' (well apparently not everyone knows of), which makes the question who asks who out, or who jumps on who, rather redundant and formal.


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## Caveman Dreams (Nov 3, 2015)

mimesis said:


> Haha, is this a dick contest, or what?


Not really, just seeing f you have any experience in what your talking about or making assumptions that are not grounded in reality, but in some sort of fantasy.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

mimesis said:


> Standard defense mechanism?
> 
> You are not the center of the universe. Other people have different experience, and elaborate that experience. And because of your rigidity, and closed mindedness I'm afraid things won't ever change for you.
> 
> I've had women asking me out, and even more overwhelming ways of conquest that would probably blow your mind. But before that happens, there's a reciprocal climactic social interaction known as 'flirting' (well apparently not everyone knows of), which makes the question who asks who out, or who jumps on who, rather redundant and formal.





Fine, we'll go slow. Just for you.

What happens more commonly: A man asking a woman out, or a woman asking a man out?


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## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

Because people are obsessed with their identities.


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