# Soo....My boyfriend isn't attracted to me because my breasts are too small... T___T



## Angelus (Apr 9, 2012)

Awwkwaard.

We've dated for 3 years. We live together. But lately we've been having problems because he hasn't been all that passionate about me, sex or our relationship all together. Last night he spilled out that the problem is me...More specifically my boobs. He's just not attracted to me.

Like...At all.

He says he loves me, a lot. And cares about me. And that it's more important than sex. But ultimately he wants BIG breasts. It's not like mine are even tiny, they're perfectly normal and quite nice at that. But they're not huge, or even that big. In his eyes they hardly exist though. T__T

He didn't want to hurt me this way, but as an INFJ I pretty much forced him to spill out the 100% truth. I always knew he had a boob fetish and I've had a lot of insecure moments because of it. But so far he's always managed to convince me that I'm fine the way I am and that he loves me for me. But now he admits that it's a bigger problem and apparently he fantasizes about D-cups daily. He even offered to pay plastic surgery for me.

He was astonished that I didn't break up with him that instant. And apparently he doesn't want to break up, he says he loves me. But we don't know what to do and I'm feeling miserable. We both know I deserve a guy who finds me attractive. And it's not like I'm even ugly or overweight. I used to think I was beautiful...

He is an ESTJ.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Then why is he still your boyfriend? Anyways, the breasts thing sounds more like an excuse if he's been with you that long and you had a good sex life in the beginning. I wouldn't be in a relationship with anyone who didn't completely accept me for who I am, mind and body. And I definitely wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who caused me to feel like I wasn't beautiful.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Eerie:2948671 said:


> Then why is he still your boyfriend? Anyways, the breasts thing sounds more like an excuse if he's been with you that long and you had a good sex life in the beginning. I wouldn't be in a relationship with anyone who didn't completely accept me for who I am, mind and body. And I definitely wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who caused me to feel like I wasn't beautiful.


Not everyone has a perfect, idealized view of their partner.


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## Agape (Jan 22, 2012)

You have been together after 3 years....wonder what change in that period of time because in the beginning the breast size was not a problem. You are beautiful....I know that you care about your boyfriend opinions because you love him. The whole is always greater than the sum of its parts. It he loves you the way you are why he can accept your breast size too like he did at the beginning of the relationship?. You are still the same girl he fall in love with. 

I see the relationship going three ways down the road:

a)-He learns to accept your breast as they are and everything returns like it was.
b)-You decided to do the plastic surgery thing and now you have the breast size he wanted.
c)-You don't do the plastic surgery and he doesn't let go the breast thing...ending going on separate ways.

I find doing a plastic surgery( being you before this satisfied with your body) a bit extreme. I will probably focus on road "a" but if I can't make a compromise...as much as it will probably hurt I will end with "c". Love is acceptance of other without trying to change them...be their personality or body.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

Apparently he's developed some hang ups that weren't present in your relationship earlier. You say that you are proportionate (I'm assuming that this has not changed), so this isn't about you ... it's about him. 

What has changed in his life?

Is he seeing someone else?

Is he masturbating to porn?

Does he have a history of leaving relationships, two or three years in? Trying to force you to leave so that he isn't the "bad guy" in the relationship?

Do you really believe that he's being 100% honest? Or is boob size a convenient scapegoat because he isn't comfortable dealing with the real problem? (Remember, the real problem is not you - it's between his ears.)


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

Egad, I wonder why you haven't broken up with him....and I don't mean just because of this instance. But I've seen you mention this ESTJ in other threads. Don't forget to take care of yourself! You know you don't deserve to be hurt because of this and his behaviour in general probably isn't going to help.
@_Agape_ is correct. "C" is probably the best option. It may hurt, but something is not right here. 

And I also have the same suspicions as @_niss_. Remember to take it all into account, for the sake of your well-being.


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## Kormoran (Mar 15, 2012)

I haven't seen you, but I think you're probably beautiful.




I wish we too could just accept the little idiosyncracies.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

@Agape makes an excellent point: Avoid the plastic surgery. Anyone that has this as a requirement for their love doesn't love you now and won't love you afterwards.


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## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

Sounds like he doesn't want to talk to your level and is flinging some random crazy insult as a defense mechanism for something else.

Or if what he is saying is true, then he sounds like a shallow bastard that appears to be using you in the way that some people do because they don't want to be alone or without sex for too long.

(I hate people that go around and try to force people to be what they are not, and do what they aren't quite comfortable with. I saw a relationship like that once at uni. Man, that guy was pulled around like a total bitch. She clicked her fingers, he would come running, but it was pretty clear she didn't care for him all that much. They split up for like a day or two, a bit of drama, then pulled back in. Crazy...)


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## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

I completely agree with @niss and everyone else that thinks that it's not you, it's him.

My ex hubby reminds me of this. Then I found out he was masturbating to porn when I wasn't home and I didn't understand it (he didn't want to have sex with me). When I asked him a problem he said it was just easier to masturbate, that he was lazy. But when I asked him why we only have sex once in a blue moon he kept blaming me (I wasn't feminine enough or i wasn't nice enough- wich was not even true). 

My only explanation is that he had some insecurities with himself. I doubt he was cheating, but i found out he was gambling and kept hiding it from me, so I think he was ashamed of himself about that but he couldn't stop. His gambling ruined his life before he got with me (he lost everything: girlfriend, house, etc). 

Anyway, point being, your guy sounds like he could be ashamed of himself for some reason? Does he not accept certain things about himself? Of course it could be something else but this is one thing I could think of.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

I honestly think he threw that out as an excuse to cover something more serious...


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

I personally don't have the best opinion of people with that particular profile, so what I say is heavily biased. That being said, anyone who proposes an ultimatum or suggests you alter your person is not interested in you. It sounds like they are more interested in having access to someone they can control and mold, wanting someone more like a golem and less of a person.

I also can not understand loving someone yet wanting to change that person on a level that is so fundamental like their body. If it starts with breast implants and you go along with it, it's only a matter of time before something else requires a touch-up, then another thing and another...


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## Rakshasa (May 26, 2012)

Sexuality is far too important an aspect of a relationship to me. If he can't muster up any passion for you in the sack then I presume he has sexual issues/disfunctions of his own. That being said there is much more to a relationship than that, if you really want to stay in the relationship try and search out alternative methods of resolving the conflict. Fetishes are entirely psychological, and therefore subject to change. I should think they wouldn't be so hard to alter.


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

Yeah, if I had a girlfriend, and she did not find me attractive, I'd cast her out. Though different people find different things attractive, I think it is important that your SO is attracted to you on more than one aspect than just your breast size. If he was having trouble finding attraction, without that lame-ass excuse, and you really cared about him and the relationship yall shared, I would say to try and rekindle, or remind him, of the things he originally found attractive in you. That is also a method of calling his bluff if he has one. *However*, since he claims he is not attracted to you anymore _solely_ because of your breast size, then I see no logic to why the shallow asshole was attracted to you in the first place (I don't mean to offend with that statement).

Though difficult, do not let that discourage your self-image and confidence. Big or small, as long as you have other gifts and qualities to offer a man (or woman) other than your boobs, you will be attractive in someone's perspective :happy:

I am sorry he treats you that way.


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## FacePalm (Jun 27, 2012)

Yeah I agree with what everyone said...a pair of silicone Ds won't fix a thing in bed...he just said it as a cover up


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Tenshi said:


> Awwkwaard.
> 
> We've dated for 3 years. We live together. But lately we've been having problems because he hasn't been all that passionate about me, sex or our relationship all together. Last night he spilled out that the problem is me...More specifically my boobs. He's just not attracted to me.
> 
> ...


 that is just wack. I don't understand what your Bf sees in big breasts. If you are considering surgery I urge you to NOT DO IT! Only regret will come from that. You are beautiful the way you are. Big breasts are......problematic.

How do you see the situation? How do you see him, now that you know that he isn't attracted to you?

Take this from someone who has been in a 3 year old relationship before. It gets boring and its not your breasts. Its him.

What if you change yourself and he still avoids sex or breaks up with you a few months from now?


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

Yeah ... Um ... It is your body and you are a beautiful woman. Personally, if I was a woman, I would be highly insulted that he would ask me to do such a thing. ... Even if you two were married, I would say that what he did was very insulting ... No one should ask you to change your body for them.

That being said ... 3 years is a long time and this did not bother him before? ..... My first thought was that it could be a deeper issue, such as he loves you, but in a different way ... or someone said guilty ... as someone else said, it could be porn (although, if you were having sex, I would not jump to that conclusion ... and I, personally, don't think there is anything wrong with watching porn itself, I was just talking about maybe having unreasonable expectations) .... idk
Maybe he feels less passion, idk .... but it might be a good idea to sit down and talk to him and ask him why he changed and let him know that suggesting plastic surgery is hurtful.

Well, those are my thoughts on the issue anyways


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Inguz said:


> Not everyone has a perfect, idealized view of their partner.


If her boyfriend isn't even turned on by her, why should she bother staying? No one on Earth should feel obligated to get plastic surgery for their partner. Or even consider it.


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## kaleesa (May 24, 2012)

It seems like most guys really do prefer large boobs or a girl with a large behind. this post is so discouraging. 

Personally, I'd go for the boob job. I think its safer to try to look as close to the ideal as possible so you wont have to worry about problems like this. I would try to have a body type that every guy prefers.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Eerie said:


> If her boyfriend isn't even turned on by her, why should she bother staying? No one on Earth should feel obligated to get plastic surgery for their partner. Or even consider it.


I disagreed with your reasoning, not your conclusion.


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