# Potentially dangerous friendship?



## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

So out of my friends, there was one guy who opened up to me pretty much after we met, and told me all of his problems and thoughts. He'd say stuff about how he had urges to kill everyone in the room, and how he liked knives and etc. you get the gist. he also told me he hated himself and how much he sucked at everything, he self harmed as well, even in class. I was deeply concerned at first, tried to encourage him and stuff, and I believed that my words were starting to have an effect, and he seemed to be getting better and happier. During this time, I was starting to like one the guys who was in our friend group along with me and the guy who self harmed. And the rest of our friend group were hinting that he liked me, a lot. So eventually I told the guy who self harmed, that I liked our friend, and he was like haha, yeah I think he likes you too. So on, and I confided a little in this guy, and stuff and I just thought we were just friends. Anyway, he would often say stuff that would make people uncomfortable in general like going on about gorey stuff, serial killers, how there was blood on his knife etc. and also he had no qualms about just insulting people and then thinking it was perfectly fine, but if anyone stood up for themselves, he was the victim and they were the ones at fault. He played a lot of mind games, and stuff. I thought I could help him, but I realise now that I can't.
Anyway, eventually he upset me, and I got mad at him, we had a bit of a fight, but then apologized etc. But at the same time, he was becoming jealous and grudging towards the guy I liked. In the end, he would start bad mouthing the guy I liked to me, knowing that I liked this guy. It pissed me off. This was soon after the fight, so I left him alone, and thanks to another friend in our group, who helped us, me and the guy I liked ended up going out. The other guy (the one who wants to kill people, let's call him H) congratulated me, but not my bf, and then proceeded to just act weird, barely talked to my bf who is supposed to be his friend, and would talk to me, but would act strange, say stuff that was more strange than usual. He told me that he was gonna suicide at 25, but he thought of moving the date closer so there'd be less time to live. H seemed really angry at my bf and ignored him and shit, and then the friend that got us together, told me that H likes me, and I was pretty shocked. I feel totally stupid. Anyway, this H is a highly volatile personality, switches moods often, hurts himself in front of everyone. He's very manipulative, plays mind games, and detached from emotion. He really doesn't care if people are upset by him, or anything like that but if the tables turn, he manipulates people to be on his side. He keeps hinting that he's planning something and that 'there will be blood' with regards to me and my bf and it's pissing me off. I've told my mother some of this, and she thinks that he is a psychopath. Although he was acting pretty normal today, the look in his eyes when he looked at my bf really worried me, and he would make comments about being a third wheel when we invited him for lunch, and how uncomfortable our hand holding was, when all our other friends love it when we hold hands, and are happy for us. He texted my bf this afternoon after study, telling him that he should have finished his project, and was he (my bf) a retard? I got really angry, as I know he'd never dare talk to me like that, or anyone else, he's just treating my bf like dirt, and I wanted to just tell him off then, but I don't want to do it over text. I've become friends with one of his friends, and she's been shocked to learn about some of this stuff. She figured that H likes me also, and has gone into a strange, jealous rage. This is really hard to explain but I hope I've explained enough, there's a lot more crap and details. The point is, both me and my bf have been invited to H's birthday party. H is still holding a grudge against my bf because he didn't go last year, and my bf isn't planning to go this year, as he doesn't trust H, and he lives ages away. I don't want to go either, although before all this crap happened, I promised to go. The point is, how can I deal with a personality like his? What if he holds a grudge against me for not going to his party? No matter what reasons, however good, he simple wouldn't believe them, and he'd blame my bf if I didn't go. It's tearing our group apart and I hate it.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

I...
wow.

Memories.
Dude, word of advice, he wants to play a game that he will win no matter what <you know what I'm talking about, if you don't what I can say will never help>.

Don't.
Play.
It.
Best case scenario, he leaves, worst case, he doesn't.
Ever.
Just. Be careful.
Also, showing fear doesn't help.

Best advice I can give, don't remember what I did or if it became violent or not on my end.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

aef8234 said:


> I...
> wow.
> 
> Memories.
> ...


So try to not get to close to him? :/ and hope that he gets over it?


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

ForestPaix said:


> So try to not get to close to him? :/ and hope that he gets over it?


Doubtful he'll get over it honestly, I'd probbaly ask your bf/hisfriend for advice, he knows him longer apparently. But the biggest thing is do not be freaked out by him.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

aef8234 said:


> Doubtful he'll get over it honestly, I'd probbaly ask your bf/hisfriend for advice, he knows him longer apparently. But the biggest thing is do not be freaked out by him.


well he got one of our other friends on his side, and they were both treating me and my bf like we were doing something wrong, and I snapped, and argued with the other friend who is totally against us.


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## Strayfire (Jun 26, 2010)

I don't know what crazy ideas he's got in his head.

My advice: run. Seriously. Alert the relevant authorities. 

These are the kinds of people who stick to you like superglue and drain everything you have.

I wouldn't consort with someone so openly unhealthy like that. 

He probably likes you and has some strange idea that he owns you or that he deserves your love or something...

I can't see many alternate narratives...

I'm worried you might be raped, manipulated or perhaps killed. :/

*hugs* Please be safe.


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## Hurricane Matthew (Nov 9, 2012)

You sound really calm and well-meaning despite how crazy H is :/ I'd be worried for your safety with a person like H around. The guy saying he had urges to kill people is a major red flag to begin with, among other issues he obviously has. Call the authorities. H isn't going to get better and is going to be way too much for you to handle safely, especially when jealousy gets involved.

Don't go to his birthday party, either. Your safety is more important than keeping promises to a psycho.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

ForestPaix said:


> well he got one of our other friends on his side, and they were both treating me and my bf like we were doing something wrong, and I snapped, and argued with the other friend who is totally against us.


Oh OH. This part I remember distinctly.
Ask the other guy why he'd side with that one guy, it's usually due to either an incredibly stupid lie, or a truth using connotations to paint you in a negative light.
Smash said lie or connotation in the face with words.
Also, forgot to mention not to get all angry, just be calm and shit.


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

I would stay away from this person. As for advice, I have no experience with people like this, but I wouldn't encourage him to even be near you in the first place. I'd worry for both yours and your boyfriend's safety, so many warning signs. It's like this psycho could snap at any moment. I don't know how to handle this when it's so far gone, but I wouldn't get in any deeper with him, and try to reduce him to someone who's only an aquaintance. 

I know you seemed to mean well, but it sort of became an unstable and unfinished project instead. He obviously sees you as someone special to him at this point, and judging by things he won't have an easy time finding another one like you. Maybe he needs professional help before something bad happens to either one of you (himself included). Don't get close and emotional with this person.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Matvey said:


> You sound really calm and well-meaning despite how crazy H is :/ I'd be worried for your safety with a person like H around. The guy saying he had urges to kill people is a major red flag to begin with, among other issues he obviously has. Call the authorities. H isn't going to get better and is going to be way too much for you to handle safely, especially when jealousy gets involved.
> 
> Don't go to his birthday party, either. Your safety is more important than keeping promises to a psycho.


Me and my boyfriend didn't' go to his party, we had legitimate reasons, I was sick, mostly because of stress and worry over this business, it's starting to really get to me, and my boyfriend had to catch up on work. Plus we didn't feel safe going, and our mothers didn't want us to go. But this guy, H, told our other friends that we had planned to do stuff together instead of going to his party, and one of them hates us now, but the other one knows that he needs help. I lost my temper and had a major argument with one of them the other day, because he was insulting my bf, basically thinks that my bf has changed because of me, just because he doesn't want to go out and get drunk at parties and stay up late gaming with them because I've been encouraging him to work on his projects instead. Both of us have been treating them the same, like we're like, 'guys let's all get lunch together like we usually do' but they're like, 'nah, not hungry' and then they leave for lunch by themselves a few minutes after saying that. I got mad and told this other friend that if he actually cared about H, he'd be getting him to a doctor, instead of sticking up for his manipulative behaviour. To be honest, H has totally manipulated this other friend to get back him up. I think I'm going to talk to the tutors at the place where I study, and tell them about his behaviour. Although, tbh he'll probably manipulate his way out of that even if he's confronted, and try get revenge on me. But I'm still going to try. I'll try keep safe, promise.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

aef8234 said:


> Oh OH. This part I remember distinctly.
> Ask the other guy why he'd side with that one guy, it's usually due to either an incredibly stupid lie, or a truth using connotations to paint you in a negative light.
> Smash said lie or connotation in the face with words.
> Also, forgot to mention not to get all angry, just be calm and shit.


I'll try to be calm. I'm going to talk to the tutors of our classes about his behavour.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Strayveon said:


> I don't know what crazy ideas he's got in his head.
> 
> My advice: run. Seriously. Alert the relevant authorities.
> 
> ...


*hugs* I'll be safe. Luckily my boyfriend has been keeping a level head and has promised to protect me. And yeah, we were worried about that whole 'I own you thing' I think he feels the same way about my boyfriend, except in terms of friendship and gets grudging and jealous when we make plans to spent together instead of with him.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Blue Soul said:


> I would stay away from this person. As for advice, I have no experience with people like this, but I wouldn't encourage him to even be near you in the first place. I'd worry for both yours and your boyfriend's safety, so many warning signs. It's like this psycho could snap at any moment. I don't know how to handle this when it's so far gone, but I wouldn't get in any deeper with him, and try to reduce him to someone who's only an aquaintance.
> 
> I know you seemed to mean well, but it sort of became an unstable and unfinished project instead. He obviously sees you as someone special to him at this point, and judging by things he won't have an easy time finding another one like you. Maybe he needs professional help before something bad happens to either one of you (himself included). Don't get close and emotional with this person.


Yeah but now he knows I'm not on his 'side' so I'm afraid of revenge on both me and my boyfriend :/ since he seems to be quite a vengeful, brooding sort of person, and he has already said that he's wanted to get revenge back on certain people for annoying him. I'm definitely going to tell authorities soon.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Another thing that might happen is, that if I do go to authorities, he will deny everything, and try turn it on to me, or something. He's not upfront about anything, and will conveniently 'forget' something that happened etc.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

ForestPaix said:


> Another thing that might happen is, that if I do go to authorities, he will deny everything, and try turn it on to me, or something. He's not upfront about anything, and will conveniently 'forget' something that happened etc.


https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.sonymobile.androidapp.audiorecorder&hl=en
Or something similar to it.


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## Lexicon Devil (Mar 14, 2014)

ForestPaix said:


> I'm definitely going to tell authorities soon.


Soon !! How about now? People do get murdered in this world. You bf can only protect you so much. Go to the relevant police department and tell them everything.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Jeff Felis said:


> Soon !! How about now? People do get murdered in this world. You bf can only protect you so much. Go to the relevant police department and tell them everything.


You'll be happy to know that I'm telling them tomorrow, I've had enough of this shit.


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## Lexicon Devil (Mar 14, 2014)

ForestPaix said:


> You'll be happy to know that I'm telling them tomorrow, I've had enough of this shit.


Law enforcement will give you the benefit of the doubt. Even if they can not prosecute at this time, more likely than not they will put him under some type of surveillance after they talk to him. You will be protected.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Jeff Felis said:


> Law enforcement will give you the benefit of the doubt. Even if they can not prosecute at this time, more likely than not they will put him under some type of surveillance after they talk to him. You will be protected.


Thankyou. We had a talk to the police about him, even though they can't do much at this stage, they at least have a report of his behavior on record.


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## Lexicon Devil (Mar 14, 2014)

ForestPaix said:


> Thankyou. We had a talk to the police about him, even though they can't do much at this stage, they at least have a report of his behavior on record.


Good to here. Hopefully all this will die down soon. I am happy that you have family and friends to help you through this.


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## Kebachi (May 27, 2014)

Sounds like a classic example of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I've unfortunately known A LOT of people with this condition, currently dealing with my mother in law who has it. I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I'll share with you what I know about the condition just in case you think it fits with his personality. 

NPD people cannot be reasoned with, and they love using any information at their disposal (even making shit up) to manipulate and control the people around them. They practically have a god complex and a complete lack of remorse for their actions. After all, how can god be at fault? The only ones at fault are the ones who don't band around them. They are bullies who will always be the victims in their minds. 

It's great that you've reported his behavior to the authorities so that you have your bases covered in case shit gets real. The next best thing you can do if he's a narcissist is to try and cut him out of your life. Don't talk to him about ANYTHING personal, don't share opinions with him. Share nothing important, period. That includes friends who have decided to take his side without considering your position. My husband has lost so many family member's trust and friendship due to his mother's trash talking, and there's sadly nothing that can be done about it. He's tried reasoning with them for years to no avail. If they take the side of the narcissist you may have to let them do their own thing for the time being, as painful as it is. The people you should be focusing on are the ones who know to question everything and try to get both sides of a story. Even in the case of that you may have to be careful, because NPD people are good at manipulating others to do their dirty work to collect even more information. Information is their greatest weapon, this is why they try to infiltrate friend groups so deeply before they really rear their ugly little heads. 

I'm sorry you're going through something like this. I'm not sure how much you have to interact with this individual on a daily basis, but I really do hope you can find the means to focus on the healthy individuals in your life. Sadly, being direct with a Narcissist never works =/ it's like talking to a brick wall. Best solution is to cut and run.


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

Kebachi said:


> Sounds like a classic example of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I've unfortunately known A LOT of people with this condition, currently dealing with my mother in law who has it. I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I'll share with you what I know about the condition just in case you think it fits with his personality.
> 
> NPD people cannot be reasoned with, and they love using any information at their disposal (even making shit up) to manipulate and control the people around them. They practically have a god complex and a complete lack of remorse for their actions. After all, how can god be at fault? The only ones at fault are the ones who don't band around them. They are bullies who will always be the victims in their minds.
> 
> ...


Thankyou for your words, means a lot, it's been a big week, very stressful for both me and my boyfriend. This sounds exactly like him. I hope he stops his threatening behaviour soon too, we're talked to the authorities at the institute we both attend, and they are concerned, to the point where if we are feeling too unsafe, and if he is deemed to be a threat to our safety and other students safety, he will be removed.


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