# How do you come to terms with being alone?



## EccentricSiren (Sep 3, 2013)

I've known for awhile that I'll probably never be in a romantic relationship again. I've had crushes on a lot of different people, but it's almost never been mutual. I always manage to do something that completely turns the other person off. I think they figure out too soon that I feel the way I do about them, since I'm not good at hiding it, and it makes them so uncomfortable that they don't want to be around me. I don't throw myself at them or anything, they can just sort of tell that I like them and it freaks them out. 
I wish I could be in a relationship, and I'm definitely a romantic and sexual person, but I know it's never going to happen. How does one come to terms with that? I try focusing on my career and I do have a lot of other interests, but I just can't seem to make the desire to share romantic love with someone go away, and I'm starting to feel quite frustrated with my inability to make that desire go away. I think it's pointless to want something that will never be in my life, but I can't seem to stop wanting it. Any suggestions?


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## shakti (Oct 10, 2012)

First - never say never, you can't predict the future with certainty 

Second - learn to be happy for yourself and by yourself  Sounds a bit simplistic,I know, but this is the key to feeling happy without a romantic partner, too  What do you think a relationship would bring to your life that you are missing now? Think about those things, and then work on giving them to yourself  Love yourself unconditionally  The more happy and complete you are, the more you will attract good things into your life


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## Alphagirl (Feb 16, 2014)

Yes. Shakti is right. You can attract people when you are happy and confident. Things dont work out when you try too hard to find love. I know its difficult to deal with this fact because I too feel that I might never ever be in a relationship. I try to ignore it but i crave for it. But the more I think about it, more the situation gets screwed up and it spoils my mental balance too. And when I dont think about it and try to find inner peace and happiness, surprisingly, good things start happening. Its a pattern that I have noticed. Only thing you can control is your happiness. If you are happy you will definitely attract the right people


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## Dosto Yevsky (Feb 9, 2014)

Mindfulness meditation works for me.


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## yentipeee (Jun 19, 2013)

I don't get it, can you explain some more? I used to have a lot of groupies, girls liking me doesn't turn me off at all.


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## EccentricSiren (Sep 3, 2013)

The issue is that I try to focus on other things, like my career and my hobbies, but it's still always there. I try not to think about it or want it, but I just can't seem to succeed in not wanting it at all.


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## Magnesium (Jan 7, 2014)

My experience with INFP girls is they have god awful body language, and are wound too tight in the beginning. Don't get me wrong, I'm normally nervous as hell too, but there's a difference. I don't act like I got coffee injected up my butt. ^^

I think it's INFP spontaneity vs INFP introversion. I take time to plan and prepare. I have this to fall back on. INFPs just feel like raw nerves plunging in bravely in total terror.

Don't plan/predict/fantasize your life with the guy. Relax. Have a drink.

Good luck


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## Ad Astra (Dec 26, 2013)

Just learn to be happy with you! You are AMAZING in your own light! You should try to come to that realization, and remember that you're great on your own!

Also: Never say never! There's always hope!


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## TuesdaysChild (Jan 11, 2014)

Go on a string of dates with guys who remind you of having dinner with a cardboard cutout. You won't mind being single anymore


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## XO Skeleton (Jan 18, 2011)

Magnesium said:


> My experience with INFP girls is they have god awful body language, and are wound too tight in the beginning. Don't get me wrong, I'm normally nervous as hell too, but there's a difference. I don't act like I got coffee injected up my butt. ^^
> 
> I think it's INFP spontaneity vs INFP introversion. I take time to plan and prepare. I have this to fall back on. INFPs just feel like raw nerves plunging in bravely in total terror.
> 
> ...


Really? I don't think it's an INFP thing, I think it's a woman thing. Regardless of the personality type ENFP ESFP ISFP INTJ of girls I've been out with, they've all been noticeably nervous on the first date. I'm the one making jokes, sometimes at my own expense, to make them laugh and lighten the mood.

To answer the OP, I don't think it's something you can totally ignore because it's that you truly want. Your ID (inner desire) will eventually seep through your pores and yoy won't be able to hide it. I think your best bet is to get involved in a hobby you enjoy with the possibility of meeting members of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your fancy).


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## Doom (Oct 25, 2010)

I watch a shitload of anime and play a lot of video games; escapism at its best.


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## Blessed Frozen Cells (Apr 3, 2013)

I'm not scared of being alone. A part of me always knew that nobody would ever really understand me. If by any chance I met someone who truly understands me, there's still a great chance that it might not work out. Society puts non-Platonic romance (sexual) relationship on a pedestal. Being an asexual I don't relate to it. However, that doesn't mean I'm incapable of Platonic love (or even non-sexual romance). I also want to be loved and cherished but the chances of meeting someone is so low because I have no sexual attraction towards anyone (I'm not a big romantic either) and most people think that kind of relationship is the most intense and intimate. The value I put into my friendships will never be equal as my friends do because they always put their lovers first. The only thing that keeps me going is that I love being alone. Thank god for that lol


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## Forith (Feb 27, 2014)

I convince myself that I'm the only person that will ever understand me and that I don't need other people to be happy.


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## FullmetalHeart (Dec 24, 2013)

AlliG said:


> Go on a string of dates with guys who remind you of having dinner with a cardboard cutout. You won't mind being single anymore



...or a string of guys who make youWISH you could be so lucky to be on a date with a cardboard cut-out instead of them.

Never say never about romantic relationships. If you want it that much, it's not worth giving up just yet. You may just have to be patient and enjoy life as it is right now. I know that I would prefer to be single rather then in a relationship with someone who was wasting my time. Focus on personal growth in the meantime. Maybe get involved with activities where there is potential to meet someone without the pressure. It could help if you look for a relationship where you could be friends first. Since I am still coping with loneliness myself, I'm just throwing suggestions out there. It may not be your time for a relationship, but that does not mean that it will never happen. There are so many different variations of people. I know that it can be hard to find a kindred spirit, but don't give up on finding that someone for you. I know that I won't. It is too great of a desire to just let it go.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Credible Cat (Feb 21, 2014)

No point in being defeatist about it.

There aren't many things in life that you have to accept will probably never happen, and a romantic relationship is definitely not one of them. The best thing I've ever realized about dating is to be yourself when approaching and getting to know people. If something is there, don't force it. Being yourself is enough.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

i hope im not in the wrong thread bc Im an enfp. But I like being alone, sometimes at parties or work I cant wait to go home get some alone time to think, dream, write in my journal or read a good book. I usually enjoy listening to music and lounge around.


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## Nightchill (Oct 19, 2013)

EccentricSiren said:


> The issue is that I try to focus on other things, like my career and my hobbies, but it's still always there. I try not to think about it or want it, but I just can't seem to succeed in not wanting it at all.


You may try to correct and avoid repeating the thing that bothered them (lack of knowledge, ill manners?). Also, I suspect you need to socialize more.

Denial won't get you anywhere good. I have next to 0 need of romance, so the method you mentioned is my natural state, but I know if you go against your nature, it will start to cripple you and drive you mad. Very unhealthy. Start looking for partner, but don't let your entire life happiness depend upon in.


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