# Depressed ENFP



## Twin2 (Apr 9, 2013)

I know that since I'm an ENFP you will probably be all like "nah, bs, you can't know depression. You're optimistic." fuck that. No, no I'm not. Not now. If optimism is equivelant to debating suicide, and going back to old habbits, then yes, I AM optimistic. I am acting nothing like my type, I realize that. I tend not to when I'm upset, so don't go being a dick and trying to tell me who I am, nothing will piss me off more. I know who I am better than you do.

now that I got my pissed off lecture out of the way, I'm going to just tell you a little about me. 17, got fired, formerly abused by my parents(skip the details), and 100% unwanted. Oh and lets not forget my twin sister died in October 2012. So yeah. I'm about to loose my home, and I have nowhere to go. I have no money. I tried to be rational, and look for jobs and apply and stuff, but I'm having no luck. I just want to die. I've been being a dick to everyone I love. Even the most important person to me. I did something smart and told him I wouldn't speak to him a while cause I'm on a short fuse, but tried making it clear that it wasn't about him. He's an INTJ. Like him a lot, he used to be more comfortable with me. Told me a lot about him, we did a lot together. Never dated. Wish we did. Almost did. But I started being a dick and pushed him away, and I tried to reach out recently, and he was very curt with me, and I fear he wont give me another chance... I need him, I know that sounds crazy and overly dependent, and I hate it. But I am dependent upon him. and now I'm alone. He's a big reason I am still alive. pulled me out of some dark places so many times, made me smile, got me back into my cheery mood. The closer we were the more bubbly and excited I was. And now he wont have an actual conversation with me. Procrastinates talking. Isn't open like he used to be. and he was the last person that I had. And I ruined it all. So now I just want to die. I will if I can't fix this. He's all I have. I realize how pathetic and needy that sounds. but I am pathetic and needy. and as of late, an absolute bitch. I'm trying to be better though, and to stop hurting people that I love. I hate getting in fights like this. I want my friends back. I want to be happy again. I know I need to be. I tried to ignore this a while, pretend I was okay, and I guess it was him being so cold to me that tipped me over the edge, that I didn't know I was teetering on... I know this is selfish and probably stupid. but I just want someone to tell me how to fix this. How to get him back, how to be happy again. I want to be ME again. cause lately, I feel like I've been anything but.


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## Twin2 (Apr 9, 2013)

Suppose this is just a pitiful call for help. Nobody cares anyway.


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## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

I used to date an ENFP and all I ever wanted was for him to tell me that he needs me, or to just share his feelings with me at all. I knew he was miserable but he had a very hard time sharing that with me which made us fall apart. It might not be too late for you, but you need to open up to him. Tell him you need him, he probably doesn't even know. From my experience with ENFPs, they seem like they want to deal with things on their own time and I never felt needed, and I want to be there for you guys but I never know what to do or say because I always felt pushed away. 

Feeling needy or pathetic is actually not a bad thing, we all feel that way. Just don't look at it like it's a bad thing. Everyone likes to feel needed, so you being needy might actually draw him closer to you. No one expects you to be happy-go-lucky all the time. I personally can't stand it when people are always positive and optimistic, especially when I know they are hiding something, and when they don't share it with me it makes me feel like they don't have enough faith in me. 

You have to take the chance, apologize for being a bitch and tell him you need him. It never fails...no matter what personality type one is.


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## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

Twin2 said:


> Suppose this is just a pitiful call for help. Nobody cares anyway.


I know how you feel... I've been there many times. Life can get really shitty sometimes, it seems like when one thing is falling apart, everything falls apart. It's hard to get up when it seems like there is no reason to get up. I've been there and many of us on this site have been there. You're not alone. Somehow we made it through though, and so will you. Once you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up. Did you ever watch "the secret" ? It helped me. Maybe it will help you too. Here's a link to the first part of it...


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## Twin2 (Apr 9, 2013)

Life.Is.A.Game said:


> I used to date an ENFP and all I ever wanted was for him to tell me that he needs me, or to just share his feelings with me at all. I knew he was miserable but he had a very hard time sharing that with me which made us fall apart. It might not be too late for you, but you need to open up to him. Tell him you need him, he probably doesn't even know. From my experience with ENFPs, they seem like they want to deal with things on their own time and I never felt needed, and I want to be there for you guys but I never know what to do or say because I always felt pushed away.
> 
> Feeling needy or pathetic is actually not a bad thing, we all feel that way. Just don't look at it like it's a bad thing. Everyone likes to feel needed, so you being needy might actually draw him closer to you. No one expects you to be happy-go-lucky all the time. I personally can't stand it when people are always positive and optimistic, especially when I know they are hiding something, and when they don't share it with me it makes me feel like they don't have enough faith in me.
> 
> You have to take the chance, apologize for being a bitch and tell him you need him. It never fails...no matter what personality type one is.


I've tried... And he knows I need him. I've told him plenty. He used to need me too. But now I'm alone, and I can't talk to him with out running off cause I'll cry. I tried to call him. Told him that I'm not mad at him, gave an apology... he said nothing.. it was like he was waiting for more, and I didn't know what else to say. asked him about his day, and he was so so short with me. I just want to go back to when we both were insanely happy, when he loved every weird quirk about me, when I was trying to understand him inside and out. When he would ask me whats wrong and I would tell him, and he would encourage me. Sometimes scold me for my suicidal tendencies but... everything he did was still something I loved. And now, I feel like we don't know each other. And he's the only person that knows me. That really knows me.


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## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

Twin2 said:


> Suppose this is just a pitiful call for help. Nobody cares anyway.


I know how you feel... I've been there many times. Life can get really shitty sometimes, it seems like when one thing is falling apart, everything falls apart. It's hard to get up when it seems like there is no reason to get up. I've been there and many of us on this site have been there. You're not alone. Somehow we made it through though, and so will you. Once you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up. Did you ever watch "the secret" ? It helped me. Maybe it will help you too. Here's a link to the first part of it...


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## Twin2 (Apr 9, 2013)

Life.Is.A.Game said:


> I know how you feel... I've been there many times. Life can get really shitty sometimes, it seems like when one thing is falling apart, everything falls apart. It's hard to get up when it seems like there is no reason to get up. I've been there and many of us on this site have been there. You're not alone. Somehow we made it through though, and so will you. Once you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up. Did you ever watch "the secret" ? It helped me. Maybe it will help you too. Here's a link to the first part of it...


Not much for movies or videos or.. stuff.. yeah.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Have you had a look at the thread on tips for fighting depression? Here's the link: http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/144731-tips-fighting-depression.html


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## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

Twin2 said:


> I've tried... And he knows I need him. I've told him plenty. He used to need me too. But now I'm alone, and I can't talk to him with out running off cause I'll cry. I tried to call him. Told him that I'm not mad at him, gave an apology... he said nothing.. it was like he was waiting for more, and I didn't know what else to say. asked him about his day, and he was so so short with me. I just want to go back to when we both were insanely happy, when he loved every weird quirk about me, when I was trying to understand him inside and out. When he would ask me whats wrong and I would tell him, and he would encourage me. Sometimes scold me for my suicidal tendencies but... everything he did was still something I loved. And now, I feel like we don't know each other. And he's the only person that knows me. That really knows me.


Right...he was waiting for more. Why can't you tell him everything that you told us on here? So what if you cry? He wants more then an apology, he wants an explanation of why you are acting the way you are acting with him. You said you were being mean to him. He was always there for you. So of course he's upset that after all the time and effort he put into being there for you, you're being a bitch to him. He's hurt. But an apology won't do it. You need to tell him exactly what you told us on here. That you feel like he's drifting away , that you were angry at other things but you took it out on him even though he was the only one that was there for you... tell him everything even if it's really difficult. He still talks to you. He still cares. Do it before it's too late.


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## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

Twin2 said:


> Not much for movies or videos or.. stuff.. yeah.


Neither am I but this is good. Give it 5 minutes and if you don't like it turn it off. I promise it will help.


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## Twin2 (Apr 9, 2013)

NinthTome said:


> Have you had a look at the thread on tips for fighting depression? Here's the link: http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/144731-tips-fighting-depression.html


I've heard all of that before. I was in patient before due to an attempted suicide. Obviously since I feel the same, none of that worked...


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## Twin2 (Apr 9, 2013)

Life.Is.A.Game said:


> Right...he was waiting for more. Why can't you tell him everything that you told us on here? So what if you cry? He wants more then an apology, he wants an explanation of why you are acting the way you are acting with him. You said you were being mean to him. He was always there for you. So of course he's upset that after all the time and effort he put into being there for you, you're being a bitch to him. He's hurt. But an apology won't do it. You need to tell him exactly what you told us on here. That you feel like he's drifting away , that you were angry at other things but you took it out on him even though he was the only one that was there for you... tell him everything even if it's really difficult. He still talks to you. He still cares. Do it before it's too late.


I'm afraid he'll think I'm apologizing, just so I can get his pity. Like I'm using him. We've had fights before, and I explained what happened, that it wasn't him, told him what was going on, and he gave me the same cold shoulder.


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## HandiAce (Nov 27, 2009)

Whatever you do. Don't give up on yourself. This is a dark time for you and most people are going to face something like this at some point in their life. Everything now seems to be held against you. There are beasts raging at you, telling you bad things, making light of your failures. You cannot listen to them! At some point you will have had it with their bullshit and you know that is NOT something you want, and you will feel empowered by that thought. You will feel more strongly the satisfaction of physically mobilizing yourself towards anything, be it exercise and so on. You will pick the right people to hang out with who support you and appreciate you for who you are.

Don't give up because wherever you are will not last forever and you will get stronger later!


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## sarabrickman (Jun 13, 2012)

Hi Twin2.
With everything that you have been through it's hard not to be depressed...


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## ipixgirl (Mar 4, 2014)

You are depressed and suicidal because you choose to be. As an ENFP I'm suicidal quite frequently. But once I realize it I can flick the imaginary switch and turn it off. There are worse things that you don't suffer from and you should feel blessed for that. Don't let the negative weigh you down: it literally makes getting out of the muck even harder.


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


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## Zen_alpha (Jan 17, 2014)

> Suppose this is just a pitiful call for help. Nobody cares anyway.


No, I cared after I read your post. It's just that in my mind there was one question.
What can I do? 

Just relax and remember that there are people who still want you, for example the people
In this forum. That is why they replied, because they care. And I'm sure some people cared
But maybe they have the same question as mine. Being human has it's limitations. 

Just don't lose hope. Leave suicide aside and value your own life.
You might be still precious to that INTJ guy. 

Take care.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

*snuggle*


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

@Twin2, you are suffering and have reasons for feeling depressed. I know its hard to snap out of depression, but there are a couple things I can recommend that may help you. 

First, please read these words below about your value to God:

From Psalm 139:

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down...
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

***

Can you see how special and important you are, Twin2, that God would know all this about you? Your heart is heavy for so many reasons, but heaviest might be that people sinned and hurt you and you sinned, or just made mistakes, and hurt yourself. Both problems can be resolved with forgiveness. God didn't wait for us to have everything figured out when he sent Jesus to pay the price for those sins. Asking God to forgive you can be a huge step toward healing. Then you can set about forgiving others. Finally, instead of laying more shame on yourself, ask your friends and family to forgive you for any offenses. Have no agenda besides asking for forgiveness. Whether they choose to forgive or not is not up to you. You have set yourself free just by asking.

Grieving is a process and you are stalled, or maybe not stalled; maybe this is exactly where you need to be to continue the process, which is why you are sinking deeper into depression and feeling desperate. Why not make contact with one trustworthy person besides the friend you are distant from? Then make contact with another. It will always be complicated with the opposite sex. Especially when you are feeling desperate or particularity vulnerable. Maybe walk into a church and be nurtured and comforted. Don't let anyone else's previous lack of love or sin turn you off to a loving God. 

These are suggestions and you may reject them all, but I hope you will consider them.


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## AddictiveMuse (Nov 14, 2013)

i'm a little freaked by the fact she hasn't logged on since 2013
(yes i'm a stalker, but i was a little worried..what?! it's a reason..) @Twin2
if this guy is meant to be around you (friend or more)
he would come back
i really hope you know that: what happened in the past happened
you cannot change it
yes you can learn and think about it
we all do that
i just really hope you accept what happened
i think only then can you get better
good luck
*hugs*


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## Zen_alpha (Jan 17, 2014)

I hope we're not too late...Please, be safe.


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