# Wearing your Heart on your Sleeve: Brave or Stupid?



## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

ESTP 7w6

I put never done it but it's brave. However, I've done it, only it wasn't brave because I already knew they reciprocated my feelings.


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## Tater Tot (May 28, 2012)

I think it's brave, yet stupid. :tongue: And I've never done it.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

INFJ 4w5

I've done it before. I don't consider it brave. It's necessary to live truthfully.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

Ice Ghost said:


> INFJ 4w5
> 
> I've done it before. I don't consider it brave. It's necessary to live truthfully.


Pfffft! Well, if you're gonna use logic...

Seriously, we're talking feelings here. Most people have difficulty mixing logic and feelings while keeping their integrity intact.


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

FallingSlowly said:


> INFJ, 4w5 5w4 9w1
> 
> Always did it, still do. It can be stupid at times, but overall, I feel it did me more good than harm. I generally don't have a problem with making myself vulnerable; holding back to keep a strong exterior is just not my thing, never has been (edit: Do I really think it's brave then? Don't know, feels too normal to even think of it as a really brave thing to do.)
> 
> The only exception I'd make is if I strongly sense I'd hurt someone. I try not to be too blunt in that case, but I won't lie either.





Ice Ghost said:


> INFJ 4w5
> 
> I've done it before. I don't consider it brave. It's necessary to live truthfully.


What's up with 4s here? This is so amazing. I agree it's necessary to live truthfully and it does more good than harm but I still, compulsively, avoid making myself vulnerable. I have to try so hard and work so damn hard to be able to make myself even the tiniest bit vulnerable. Props to you.


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## FallingSlowly (Jul 1, 2013)

@Animal
Fours are just big drama queens, what did you expect? 

No, in all seriousness: I actually hate emotional drama (unless it's on stage/at the cinema. ) and neediness. But I love honesty, and I'm an emotional risk-taker. It's really instinctual I guess. Yes, sometimes it came back to haunt me, I've had my fair share of shitty life experiences, too. Overall, the balance feels right though.

This is one of my all time favourite quotes by Stephen Russell:
“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. *The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.*”

I totally appreciate that not everyone feels that way, and I can speak only or me, but I found especially the bolded bit to be true - always. I honestly wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't always acted accordingly: I wouldn't be with my partner, I wouldn't have trusted my instincts to scrap a "promising" career as a scientific researcher that would have driven me insane (and went for the "artsy stuff" that my family always warned me about instead), and I wouldn't have the circle of friends I have today. 


Heart on my sleeve all the way. Not brave, just innate...


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

It is brave. Emotional authenticity is worth the risk, and it is our right. I boldly defy anyone who tries to stifle me, even when there is a high cost. My hope is that by normalizing it, I can make it safer for others. I consider it my ethical duty.

I'm a type one, INFP.


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## rajAs (Sep 14, 2012)

I can't actually understand why it should be so strange or rare. I think it has happened quite often with my friends and it's still happening with my girlfriend in our best and worst moments. Sometimes I got hurt but it has always been worth the risk. A chance to live a moment at 120%, just wow!

Not brave nor stupid. It's a chance.

937 tritype


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

FallingSlowly said:


> @_Animal_
> Fours are just big drama queens, what did you expect?
> 
> No, in all seriousness: I actually hate emotional drama (unless it's on stage/at the cinema. ) and neediness. But I love honesty, and I'm an emotional risk-taker. It's really instinctual I guess.


I'm a major risk taker in so many ways. You mentioned throwing away a 'career' you hated to pursue arts? Despite chronic illness and tremendous setbacks and adversity, I've gambled everything I had to follow my passions for music & writing. My illness took my voice away so that I speak in a whisper, but I still gave up everything else in my whole life to front my own band, singing my own songs in a whispery voice. I am determined to make a career of what I love; even if I have to work shit jobs in the interim. The reason is not that I want to be rich or famous but that I want to spend my whole day doing what I love because I only live once.

I've taken risks in the past with my body... risks I won't even write here.  I've taken legal and political risks. I've traveled alone when I was 8; I spent night times in the forest alone when I was less than 10. I took major risks in foreign countries by myself as a kid and didn't think twice; I trusted my gut to read "good people' from criminals and I went on potentially dangerous adventures. In elementary school I defended innocents from groups of bullies much larger than myself. I've always stood up for what I believe and immersed myself fully in life, in every way imaginable. Following your heart & your dreams is what I _stand for_ and what I live by.

But when it comes to making myself vulnerable to a man, that's a whole other story. Now, we venture into the realm of emotions.

I've always chased what I want. I've never "had a crush from afar" and just hoped it'd work. I do what I can to pursue. I don't hide my intensity; it would be an uphill battle to do so. However my manner of 'chasing' is more, getting to know him, pursuing a friendship. It's not dishonest as I would not want to date someone I'm not friends with anyway; but obviously this chase can be motivated by lust & desire as well. But to say the words, "I want you" or "do you like me?" or to actually *verbally* expose myself... why does this step feel so difficult?

The problems go beyond just the chase. When I'm in a relationship, if someone is hurting me because I'm jealous or have some other need that feels illogical or 'too vulnerable' to me, I shut down or withdraw, rather than ask him to attend to me. It takes everything in me to admit that someone is hurting me, that I want more from them, that there's a tender child within me that needs to be loved. I have NEVER said the words "I need you" to anyone and I doubt I ever will... I doubt I will ever even feel such a thing. Saying "I miss you" requires MAJOR trust because it implies that some portion of my happiness is contingent on someone else's actions, which makes me uncomfortable to admit out loud.

I relate to what @_meridannight_ said - 



meridannight said:


> yup. and ''heart on a sleeve'' doesn't necessarily mean begging, lol. it just means visibility of your emotional state. but i agree, that in my case too, it is limited. only the person i feel affection for actually sees it. with others i am the way i usually am.
> 
> *and when you get to the speech state, that means you're already conscious of it. by then of course you'll control the degree to which you express your vulnerability. i'm in control with that. it's everything that comes before that i'm not in control of and where i may show more than i'd like in retrospect. *


I know that I'm more vulnerable when I have "something to hide" because my body language & feelings speak for themselves. And yet, to get myself to the point where I'll open up, make the first move, say how I feel... is very difficult. I've done it more than once, but mostly in situations where I was sure it would go well; this does not count as wearing my heart on my sleeve. Wearing my heart on my sleeve means I might get rejected, but I need to be bold and do it anyway. I'm not even that bad with rejection; I am able to move on and get over it entirely in most cases - but yet, I don't want to do it. I always feel like... its too soon, it's not the right time; if I wait a little longer, maybe he'll want me and I won't get rejected. What the hell? This is illogic isn't it.



> This is one of my all time favourite quotes by Stephen Russell:
> “Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. *The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.*”


Beautiful and so fucking true.



> Heart on my sleeve all the way. Not brave, just innate...


It's funny you call it 'instinctual' and 'innate.' It is instinctual for me to chase everything I want but it is absolutely counter-intuitive in every way, shape or form to set myself up for rejection. It feels as counter-intuitive as swallowing poison or jumping off a building.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

FallingSlowly said:


> @_Animal_
> Fours are just big drama queens, what did you expect?
> 
> No, in all seriousness: I actually hate emotional drama (unless it's on stage/at the cinema. ) and neediness. But I love honesty, and I'm an emotional risk-taker. It's really instinctual I guess. Yes, sometimes it came back to haunt me, I've had my fair share of shitty life experiences, too. Overall, the balance feels right though.


I relate to this a lot. I'm internally very drawn to drama, in books, movies, music, and the like. I just know that realistically, I can't be happy with someone if I constantly recreate that kind of tension and atmosphere, as appealing as it sounds in TV shows. I'm very attracted to honesty though. My emotions show on my face and in my voice, even without saying anything. When I like someone, it's painfully obvious, I don't even have to go into flirting mode. My interest just shows very clearly, so I'm often in situations where I don't even have to say 'I like you'. I don't know how brave it is really, because I do it without even thinking about it. I also hate looking back and thinking 'What if?' - I'd much rather take a risk than regret something I didn't do.

I'm less comfortable showing how hurt I am, because I can be overly sensitive at times, over really silly things (usually in more romantic situations). So I hide and try to get over it on my own. The last thing I want is for the people I care about to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

snail said:


> It is brave. Emotional authenticity is worth the risk, and it is our right. I boldly defy anyone who tries to stifle me, even when there is a high cost. My hope is that by normalizing it, I can make it safer for others. I consider it my ethical duty.
> 
> I'm a type one, INFP.


What if they were uncomfortable with your authentic flattery, would you chase after them with your heart? *pictures image of person running down the road after someone with heart in hand*

Im just curious what this would look like. :tongue:


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

I've done it and I think it's stupid. >_>


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

INTJ. 7w8 Sp/Sx. 784.

I wouldn't even know how to wear my heart on my sleeve, because it's all funneled inward. I wear a longer sleeve and act by heart instead, whether you know I'm doing it or not. If anyone was to ever say I wear "my heart on my sleeve," it's because I was willing to butt through things nobody else would put up with - because they are sane enough to stop. Rationalization is an extremely powerful tool through long term adversity, as is simplification.

It would be an idiotic lie to say I don't have emotions - they can be extremely powerful - but they're locked up for good, because in the event they do get out, they're *really *out, and things get bad. There have been times a long ways ago where I learned to know better than to let them out, and I learned how to manage them with a stoneface, and let them out only to people I trust. And, by reflex, they're only there from time to time - the rest of the time there really isn't anything there. 

When it's a person, you get a message - a few words, a quiet action, or something symbolic that I mean to mean the world, because I've thought about it for a long time, and tailored it specifically for you. It's something I value, at heart, about you that I want you to know I've looked deeply enough to see, and feel comfortable enough to give.


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## FallingSlowly (Jul 1, 2013)

@Animal
I know what you mean. 
Wearing your heart on your sleeve is of course not necessarily the equivalent of being assertive - I'm not assertive at all tbh. That's also one for @mushr00m btw  I don't "corner" people, or run after them like a stalker, or try to make them believe what I believe, or feel what I feel. It's not about forcing anything on anyone - they can say no to whatever it's about, and that's it. Done.

When I was younger, I actually never really "took what I wanted". I probably still don't do it today in that sense. "Taking something" always sounds a bit forceful to me. But I believe in opportunities.

I never, even as a child, had a problem to emotionally open up to people (if I'd considered them "worthy" in my childish mind ), but I had a problem to really go after things I wanted as soon as someone planted the slightest doubt in my mind. I think it had a lot to do with my family/upbringing, but that'd lead too far here. But it definitely led to my first rubbish job choice. 

I lost two people very close to me in my early 20s (one in an accident, one to cancer). I still made wrong decisions after that -one of them getting married- but it was the first step towards noticing that I don't want to waste my life, getting to the stage of only having regrets one day. 
I filed for divorce after 3 years, changed jobs (and also qualified formally in that line of work later). I earn good money today, but when I first made the transition from science to performing arts, I earned roughly 25% of what I'd earned as a researcher. It was bloody hard at the beginning, but did I care? Nope...
I opened myself up to my current partner, knowing full well he might say no. I knew he had feelings for me though, it was just all too complicated at the time because I was still married (and no, he was not the reason for getting divorced). But I knew I'd regret for the rest of my life if I didn't try. There was nothing to lose really, only to win. Yes, it would have been painful if he'd rejected me, but that would have been a small price to pay compared to the regrets I would have had not trying - not knowing. And I'm so glad I did. We're still together today 

Honestly, I'd do it all again. In hindsight, I'd just take a few shortcuts...


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

FallingSlowly said:


> @_Animal_
> I know what you mean.
> Wearing your heart on your sleeve is of course not necessarily the equivalent of being assertive - I'm not assertive at all tbh. That's also one for @_mushr00m_ btw  I don't "corner" people, or run after them like a stalker, or try to make them believe what I believe, or feel what I feel. It's not about forcing anything on anyone - they can say no to whatever it's about, and that's it. Done.


I didn't say you did?


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## BlissfulDreams (Dec 25, 2009)

INFP 9w1, 4w5, 6w7. I've done it. I've mostly gotten burned it the end, but I'd do it again. I see doing so neither completely brave or stupid. It can be either and it depends on the circumstances. You have to be careful about when you do it and who you do it around. Not everyone can be trusted with your heart exposed in front of them. Some will take it, crush it, manipulate it, and use it to suit their own purposes. Still, others can be inspired by your bravery and I don't think we should harden our hearts and shelter ourselves just because the risk exists.

I wish the world was a safer place and we could express ourselves freely without being stomped on and used.


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## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

INFJ 1w2, 6w5, 2w1 so/sx

I do wear my heart on my sleeve a lot. Not always of course. But anytime I feel like my vulnerability could help another person to relax, I make a fool out of myself by wearing my heart on my sleeve. And if I'm getting to know someone that I feel might be worthy of my time, I'll allow them to see the vulnerable side of me. And I never really plan these things. The situation just always seems to compel me to do it; and I take a deep breath, and take the leap to make my heart visible to others.


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## FallingSlowly (Jul 1, 2013)

mushr00m said:


> I didn't say you did?


I know you didn't


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## bluhorizon (Sep 17, 2012)

I think it's brave, but I feel that all of the above could apply. 

It doesn't take too long to live in this world to figure out that some idiosyncrasies are more treasured than others. All of my life I've heard the lie of "just be yourself and everything will be fine." No it won't, depending on what you like (or your feelings, personality, status, etc.) Too many trusted people tell that lie and then release their loved ones into a world where it isn't alright to be yourself. Some things are understandable but most are unnecessary rules. 

I don't think that wearing your heart on your sleeve is stupid, but depending on the company you have it may not be the best idea. Some people can't handle the truth. Sometimes it's best to just not tell it. Most children get a lecture on not lying to their parents or guardians, and are encouraged to tell the truth, but I've come to think honesty is much deeper than that. Recently, I've realized how important it is to be honest and live authentically, even in front of people. If only more got that lesson. It takes a lot to be that truthful. 

Putting yourself out there repeatedly will get you hurt. People can look at you like something is wrong with you, or laugh, take advantage of you, and whatever else pops into their minds. And then sometimes it just isn't their business so you keep it to yourself. I think people should be honest, not vulnerable in the wrong company, and be careful. 

INTJ 5w4


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

I voted "I've never done it but it's brave". When I said I've never done it, I meant I've never made it into a habit or lifestyle. I've never been, in any social circle or relationship, the person who is expressive and transparent and emotionally available. 

I have on occasion put myself out there, to know I tried, to prevent things being left unsaid, or even just to "feel alive". Corny but true. 

I would love to be able to live more openly on a regular basis.

"You're not free where you are hiding, oh, but there where you're exposed."


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