# NT Hopeless Romantics?



## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

I think it's ironic that most of the types I've met who are completely hopeless romantics are NTs. Watching an INTJ pine over an ENFP, writing sappy love poems comparing them to a supercomputer and then throwing them away out of fear of rejection, is just the cutest thing. Or when an ENTP meets that rare person who catches their breath, creates a complex plot for the perfect seduction, then ends up flailing around like an idiot tripping over themselves when it comes to approaching them. It can be hilarious to see ENTJs buy a ridiculous amount of chocolate and shows up in a fancy car only to terrify some poor INFP and frantically try to find a way to make up for it. And on the rare occasion when an INTP dissolves into a middle school-esque crush and falls asleep hugging a pillow.

If you're an NT, are you also a hopeless romantic? And for everyone, what are some of your favorite experiences with mushy NT feels?


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## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

Ohh i really resonate with both the ENTP and INTP lines you wrote. I never fall for a girl, but when i do it's the hardest fall ever.


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

I'm not an NT but I've met quite a few of you hopeless romantics (including my boyfriend). It's sweet, it's adorable, and it's what generally attracts us NFs to you guys in the first place! roud:


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## KneeSeekerArrow (Jan 8, 2012)

nah i'm really cynical

also i'm misanthropic. it means i hate all of you


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

@devoid

You're evil.


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## A Clockwork Alice (Jun 21, 2011)

Rarely, but when I do, it feels like getting tortured for months. I wouldn't wish such suffering to anyone. Haven't experienced the bright side of it, though. roud:


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## knittigan (Sep 2, 2011)

You basically nailed me with the INTJ description :laughing:


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## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

DiamondDays said:


> Ohh i really resonate with both the ENTP and INTP lines you wrote. I never fall for a girl, but when i do it's the hardest fall ever.


Same here, I think i've only had two "crushes" in my life, but they were intense.


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## Raichu (Aug 24, 2012)

In high school, I had the worst crush on this ESFP guy for two years. He was such an idiot, but he was funny and he had the most beautiful eyes. I never told a soul, though. And I haven't seen him for two years now, but I thought I saw him over Christmas and I freaked out a little. Wasn't him, though. Just some kid who looked like him.

_Still_, though, whenever I think about him, I'm like "I could have married that boy." And I mean it. >.<

It's like Samwise at the end of The Return of the King, when they destroyed the ring and there's lava everywhere and he's talking about Rosie Cotton, and he's like "If ever I was to marry someone, it would've been her." And your heart just breaks for him. That's what I feel like.

I'm so fucking pathetic.


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## RufioBird (Feb 23, 2013)

In middle school I completely fell for this guy who was totally oblivious. I left a chocolate on his desk on Valentine's Day, never told a soul about it. No one even thought to guess it could have been me, and it was a small school. I purposefully lost a spelling bee so he could win. Oh, the dorky INTJ middle school love. I also did the whole write poetry throw it away thing. Biggest crush I've ever had, and boy, I could wax romantic about it. Too bad he was a jerk


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## LadyIrime (Jun 6, 2011)

O yes! I either flail & act like a complete idiot or, in an attempt to not look like a fool, I go uber stoic & cold. And at night when I'm alone in my room I overanalyze all my interactions with said person & beat myself up over, what I think, are my mistakes.

It's such a bittersweet experience.


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## Zytozux (Feb 25, 2013)

Yes. I am INTJ but your ENTP example fit me perfectly. Finally meet a girl that is interesting to me. Spend months coordinating the perfect seduction etc. FUBAR months of progress in a single move. Still pretty devestated and i dare say i got much past acquantence tier but her mysteriousness was what interested me.


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## Adrianl (Apr 12, 2012)

My imagination (and thinking speed) reaches a whole new level when I have a crush on someone... Doesn't happen too often though, but when it does, I get quite creative...


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Man, I had no idea how depressing this thread would be. :'D


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## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

My NT had the most romantic set up for me when we were dating. She laid a trail of chocolates through the apartment into the bedroom, onto the bed and there was this beautiful flower arrangement. Around it was petals strewn and or course more(of my favorite) chocolate. I only mentioned one time that Dove was my favorite chocolate, in some conversation several months before that. She's still a romantic at times when I am not expecting it. 

I think you guys fall really, really hard, when you do.


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## Adrianl (Apr 12, 2012)

killerB said:


> ...


While I haven't done that yet (although it's a good idea), I think I've done my fair share of romantic things, although it's always a challenge for me to come up with new and interesting ideas (when the time is appropriate, I hardly ever think of how I can sweep someone of their feet unless I fall for someone...). 

From what I can recall there were moments when I prepared a scented candle lit dinner (yes, I cooked), and also looked for something that would suit the mood, music wise, I've also done things which I wasn't too sure I could do since I haven't done them before, such as painting or coal drawing. I've also composed music. I even decorated the bedroom with a lot of perfumed candles once (put them on the floor so it would give an interesting floating mood from the bed view), and lit them when the time came. Hmm, and if I remember properly, once I prepared some fruit cocktails, and served them out on the roof of a building during sunset, also chose some appropriate music to set the mood... 

Hmm...

I also remember a lot of details as well (such as the Dove chocolate), which I sometimes use when they least expect it. I like to tie the things I do as much as possible to the things they like. ^^ I even ask certain questions deliberately to find out some kind of details... Of course I try to phrase them so they wouldn't figure out what I am after.


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## MatchaBlizzard (Sep 20, 2011)

I know this is aimed at NTs, got gosh is it eerily similar to many experience in my life. I can relate. I especially feel what some of you INTPs are going through.


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## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

Yeah, I'd consider myself a hopeless romantic. My best female friend (ENFx) told me I have a Night in Shining Armor Complex. She says that when I like a girl, I go ALL in, and get very chivalric, very protective, pine over her, and anything I do I have her in mind (i.e. whenever I went to the supermarket, I'd call my ex to see if she needed anything. I'd ALWAYS bring something for her, even though she NEVER wanted anything).

So, yeah, I would consider myself a hopeless romantic, but only want the mushiness when alone. In public, an occasional kiss or hug is awesome, but those couples that are all over each other in public, BLECHHHH.

BUT, if I REALLY like a girl, and I realize it's not going to happen, I get upset for about a week, and move on rather quickly. I've played every single game a girl can play. I was tossed around in high school (I used to do homework for girls I liked -- so embarrassing). So, now when I smell game playing, I just peace. I'm no longer a rookie with girls, and I'm getting to 'veteran' status rather quickly.


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## tempered (Feb 1, 2013)

Maybe not hopeless, but intense and completely stubborn about love stuff.

I thought certain criteria/standards were important until falling for an ENFP (I believe). It was an impossible situation, despite some mutual feelings. She has been the only love interest to win my trust, also in relatively short time, and that has me very curious. We had irreconcilable differences, to put it one way. I was completely romantic, and she wanted the world. Unfortunately, I would not know how or where to meet someone similar to talk to.

Since then, I've seen someone who I'd guess to be an ISFJ. Seems nice, genuine, and misguided - would rather assume intentions than find out directly or have patience enough to verify. Makes no sense to me, but that's fine. The guise of interest with hidden conclusions may just be something specific to her.

I could not guess at a type for my first love, who I saw for years; Some kind of introvert gone wrong. She played into my romantic nature in cunning and manipulative ways, yet still did not get what she was after.. beyond some twisted satisfaction of breaking a guy's heart. Reasons were clear, and nothing to do with me, but I'll spare the details.

So, there's my uninteresting summary! I do express when I have strong feelings, although it rarely happens (twice, like another poster). The impermanence of flowers is disheartening, however I've found their symbolism to be fitting. ;p


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## RecklessInspirer (Oct 11, 2010)

Not one bit.


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## Chernobog (Feb 24, 2013)

I don't like to talk about love relationships, because I never had one yet. I'm actually quite afraid to fall in love because I know for sure it will be a very strong feeling and I'll probably do nothing for it.


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## amethyst_butterfly (Mar 14, 2011)

Yep. That is why I <3 NTs. They are the most beautiful creatures when they decide to show you their vulnerable and romantic side. Some of them of course .


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## MadHattress (Mar 27, 2012)

I'm ENTP and I'd definitely consider myself a hopeless romantic, though I'm not usually very emotionally expressive.

I once had an INTJ pursuing me who I would've sworn was an INFP. Love can turn even the most emotionless of types mushy. :wink:


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm often embarrassed of how "soft" I am when I like someone. Really, really like someone.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

devoid said:


> If you're an NT, are you also a hopeless romantic?


Not one bit, romance = naiveté.


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## BelovedDay (Feb 7, 2013)

Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic. 

I fell in love (unknowingly) to my ESFP bestfriend when I was in high school. I gave up 2 chess tournaments, 2 quiz bee and 2 spelling bee just so he can idiotically gloat on his non-existent effort of winning against me. At the end of the day I'm guessing why I let that happen, but it always makes me smile that he's very happy on those small things.

I had a girlfriend once because I want feel something new, and somehow I ended screwing it up, with her saying that "You deserve someone better than me.".

Now, I'm crushing on this IxxJ guy who's always on the run. My friends said I'm a bit scary when crushing on someone, because they heard me saying this guy's schedule even though he's not our classmate.


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## AvocatInTraining (Nov 18, 2012)

Aw this thread makes me feel all gooey inside...NOT 

But yeah I agree, I take the piss out of pathetic romcoms and roll my eyes at the cheesiness of dramas on TV, but I do find myself yearning for love secretly, way, WAY freaking down inside, I'd never let any of my friends know this, I'm telling you guys because I'm anonymous


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## phila (Jan 21, 2013)

Adrianl said:


> My imagination (and thinking speed) reaches a whole new level when I have a crush on someone... Doesn't happen too often though, but when it does, I get quite creative...


what do you mean by creative??!


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## slender (Sep 28, 2012)

oh yes. i tend to turn into this hopeless romantic around people who i absolutely adore. one example is one INFP i think who had said that someone who was ugly was their cousin, or something along those lines, so i told her "they can't possibly be your cousin then", hinting at her beauty, and it took her a while. soyes, i completely turn into a hopeless romantic.


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## Adrianl (Apr 12, 2012)

phila said:


> what do you mean by creative??!


Well, I can't exactly say for certain as there's rarely just one way... 

I usually pay more attention to the person I like, and am able to tie all sort of things in my head... So I usually end up planning small things or phrasing sentences in such a way that it gives certain conversations a better twist. Or I end up making something artistic or preparing a dinner or planning a moonlit escape in a park. 

Well, this is just off the top of my mind...


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## iowagal22 (Dec 17, 2012)

devoid said:


> Or when an ENTP meets that rare person who catches their breath, creates a complex plot for the perfect seduction, then ends up flailing around like an idiot tripping over themselves when it comes to approaching them.


Wow. I can relate to this.

I don't crush often, but when I do, it's like I have unlocked access to a whole other dimension of my personality. My usually sarcastic, rational self suddenly becomes complimentary, affectionate, and soft. I'm not used to feeling that way, so I get thrown off balance and end up making a great fool out of myself.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

chaoticbrain said:


> Same here, I think i've only had two "crushes" in my life, but they were intense.


That's about my number of "crushes", although I would use a stronger word for that. And ironically I never even got with these two. And years later I'm still hopelessly attracted to them. It's like once I'm in, I'm in for good.


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## theironraven (Mar 26, 2011)

Well, I only had a crush and never made a move or hinting something that I do have. 
I once thought of having him as mine though but nah.. awkward turtles.

But then, the same person said that after his engagement, (because of a dare) he confessed that he secretly liked me, he was physically there all the time, as his hint and said that I am so numb because I failed to notice his way of affection. 

He's an INTJ


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## Delilah (Nov 11, 2012)

I went in to a relationship with INTJ bf accepting that I would likely never get much emotional connection or 'fuzzy stuff' from him. I was surprised to learn that he is extremely emotional and very romantic <3 Naw. <blush>


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

if (girl == hot && amazing)
{
purge (brain, heart.oilchange(emopoetry));
conspire.evilplan (seduction);
}
else heart.mopeandcry(hugpillow);


Perhaps, it's that hopeless romanticism that makes life worth living. My guilty pleasure is that of the hopeless INTP. When I like somebody, I become a daydreamer. I used stare out classroom windows or gaze into the cardioid reflection in my coffee cup as it becomes cold and bitter as my heart. My imagination works in overdrive, I start to imagine all the really incredible things we could do on dates, except I would never call them dates, but rather, adventures. During my less confident teenage years, I would grab a book, read a couple page and let my mind wonder. I'm also guilty of the ENTP's pleasure; I would conjure the perfect seduction plan just to have it hopelessly fall appart. I could see myself doing this today, in my 30s, if my environment supplied me with an abundance of wonderful women to crush on.


I stand behind Clockwork Dadartt's preception of unrequited love being painful, because it is, Sometimes when your fancy takes hold, you end up falling for the person you imagined and not the person who is. Made that mistake, and it stung. And, I did grow jaded and cynical because of my most recent love interest, but, in all honesty, everything was worth it. 


Crap, I sound like the world's biggest NF right now.


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## azdahak (Mar 2, 2013)

I hate most of the gushy TV movies and drama, because I perceive them to be fake. But deep down I'm a romantic (I cried when I saw "Love Story"). I find that I can get intensely romantically interested in other people and be emotionally open but I still somehow hold them at arms length. Unfortunately the love of my life is an ISTJ. What's the ENTP motto? Nothing's impossible?


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

Nothing's impossible, but is it always worth trying? I, too, had a love of my life. When I got her, the feelings were gone. It turned out, I loved the challenge more then the girl. The irony, I could have dated someone truly amazing, someone always stopped by apartment just to visit, and smoking hot too. Sometimes, the ENTP thing can really, really suck


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

SputnikExperiment said:


> Nothing's impossible, but is it always worth trying? I, too, had a love of my life. When I got her, the feelings were gone. It turned out, I loved the challenge more then the girl. The irony, I could have dated someone truly amazing, someone always stopped by apartment just to visit, and smoking hot too. Sometimes, the ENTP thing can really, really suck


Oh god, that is the worst realization. I once rejected an adorable, brilliant, compassionate, awesome INTP (who happened to be ridiculously wealthy) because I was hopelessly obsessing over my crazy bipolar narcissistic boyfriend, who later turned out to be gay. =.= Years later I was like, WHAT THE HELL WOMAN?


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## noname42 (Mar 8, 2013)

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Albert Einstein 

What I'm trying to say here, is that NTs in general (especially INTPs) are very introspective and analytical, we like and adore "what makes sense", now one thing I know about love that it doesn't make any sense and cannot be explained by any form of logic or analysis. Now I'm not trying to be all romantic here,but as NTs we usually fail because we are using the wrong approach.

This not exclusive to love but any social interaction in general. As an INTP and I believe all NTs do that, we see people as potential "subjects" that must be first analyzed and examined enable to make a rational decision on whether or not we should get close. I believe this always cause problems and make our social lives miserable. 

If we kept treating people as "subjects" we will ALWAYS find flaws,mistakes and lots of imperfections. And when we are trying to approach someone (especially a potential lover) we should not make plans as if its a war or a chess game

NTs in general should only use there intuition and there feeling function and keep the thinking (especially Ti) in the back seat or preferably ignore it.

That is from my experience and from my ENTP friend.


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## Darksider (Feb 9, 2013)

damn pillow.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

devoid said:


> I think it's ironic that most of the types I've met who are completely hopeless romantics are NTs. Watching an INTJ pine over an ENFP, writing sappy love poems comparing them to a supercomputer and then throwing them away out of fear of rejection, is just the cutest thing. Or when an ENTP meets that rare person who catches their breath, creates a complex plot for the perfect seduction, then ends up flailing around like an idiot tripping over themselves when it comes to approaching them. It can be hilarious to see ENTJs buy a ridiculous amount of chocolate and shows up in a fancy car only to terrify some poor INFP and frantically try to find a way to make up for it. And on the rare occasion when an INTP dissolves into a middle school-esque crush and falls asleep hugging a pillow.
> 
> If you're an NT, are you also a hopeless romantic? And for everyone, what are some of your favorite experiences with mushy NT feels?


I read through this post and smiled at the INTJ, ENTP, and INTP parts, finding them largely accurate. I didn't really see the ENTJ description in myself though, and sat there thinking, _"Oh come on, I don't really act like that, do I? Hmm..."_

So, in a spirit of inquiry, I turned to my INTP husband and read the original post to him, wondering what his reaction would be.

He grinned at the INTJ and ENTP descriptions, and then came the ENTJ part. _ He started laughing outright and said it was *exactly* like me! :blushed:_

Ok. Well... so what? If I didn't give a damn, I wouldn't bother! roud:


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## HippoHunter94 (Jan 19, 2012)

I know that I'm a hopeless romantic. It's like the best kind of hurt. After all, being a romantic is what any NT should be good at. Imagining, constructing, being challenged.


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## Meagan (Apr 11, 2013)

I am an INTJ...the sappy love poem thing...with the fear of rejection...Fits me to a T.


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

Some NTs seem like hopeless romantics. They act like them. But when a relationship becomes serious on an emotional level, especially with an NF, they find themselves scared and run in the opposite direction. I think that's the sign of an immature NT. To be fair, I feel like an ST might be the same way.


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## CaptSwan (Mar 31, 2013)

Yeah, complete and hopeless romantic. And, in the words of Bill Dolworth (Burt Lancaster) in "The Professionals": "What can I say? I'm a born-sucker for love." I'd say it's ironic that Rationals are the biggest and most hopeless romantics, but it makes sense. When you operate on a logic system and you analyze and categorize the world; wouldn't something as marvelous and unpredictible as love sweep you off your feet?


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

KateMarie999 said:


> Some NTs seem like hopeless romantics. They act like them. But when a relationship becomes serious on an emotional level, especially with an NF, they find themselves scared and run in the opposite direction. I think that's the sign of an immature NT. To be fair, I feel like an ST might be the same way.


I've only been in two serious romantic relationships, and have never had the urge to run because a deep emotional connection had formed. Then again, both my husband and my ex are NTs... lol.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

@_KateMarie999_, could you explain serious? I had women try to change me, my entire outlook on life and micromanage everything I do. I picked up my things and left. I don't want to be with someone who will mould me according to her wishes. Sometime's I like to write or do my work at coffee shops and occasionally eavesdrop on conversations. I've overhead many girls talking about shaping her man into what she wants him to be --- ughm, no thanks. Party's over regardless of how I might feel about her. 

I met this girl some time ago; we hung out, but never dated. We talked about relationships and such but there was something off putting about her and didn't pursue it past grabbing a coffee. I was curious and let her in my life but kept her at a distance -- wish I just slammed the door in her face. 'I love you, and I can't live without you' often does translate to bat-shit crazy. She didn't seem that bad at first and kinda fun too; until I got to know how needy and clingy she can be. My neighbour is a cop and I talked to him about getting a restraining order. Yeah; I'm a romantic, I like to keep things light hearted but serious is sometimes a little too serious. I understand having your personal hopes for a relationship but it's up to every single one of us to communicate that to the other person. When she has a secret agenda, I'm sorry but feelings no longer matter because I didn't fall in love the actual person but with the persona she created, an image versus the genuine girl. 

There's a huge difference between being in love, seeing the relationship for what it is and what it can become and wearing rose coloured glasses and being duped into believing something it's not. Everything said, I'm an NF/NT exclusive man -- maybe SP, but she has to be extra special to put in the extra effort to bridge communication. Some of my best friends are SPs though.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

^^ I have a differing view of the process, myself. See, I fully expect attempts to manipulate me in such circumstances, and am not unversed in such things, myself. *coughs*

During the first year my husband and I were dating, we would do it to each other fairly often. Then, we'd call each other on it, and name the underlying psychological theories/mechanisms involved! I'm more volatile than he is just in general, which was his edge in the contest. But an ENTJ is generally better at translating theory into practice than an INTP. This stereotype is true in our case at least, and that formed my edge in the contest. 

End result... we stalemated. 

Physical wrestling between two people who are attracted to each other can easily lead to ... erm, boisterous sexual activity, yes? Intellectual wrestling between two people who are attracted to each other ... I don't need to finish the sentence. You get the idea, lol. It's simultaneously aggravating, endearing, admirable, and sexy as hell. For us, it was part of the courtship process. This might be an individual thing though, not a type thing at all.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm not sure what I'd call it. It has to be the right combination for me of intellectually engaging and someone I'm actually attracted to.. which is rare but also really, really annoying when it happens. I tend to "romanticize" a lot of intellectual topics to the point where if I'm actually attracted to the person, it just confuses the crap out of me. Can't figure out if I'm obsessing about someone, or was it just some topic that happened to coincide with me finding someone attractive that same day?? LOL. (This happens somewhat regularly...so by now at least I'm getting good at knowing the difference.)

I keep saying I'm going to die when I get to grad school. :tongue:

I also get really scared if I start to feel "too comfortable" about revealing personal things (in general but esp. if it's in a romantic context), that I'm going to turn into someone else (because the being-comfortable-with-random-people thing is totally not me) and not even realize it and then get myself mind-screwed in the end.. which is something I usually enjoy but only when I'm aware that it's happening... hahaha...


I think the problem is that I've always seen "romance" as kind of an intrinsic/natural thing (basically like sex), so it becomes like anything else, I need a "reason" to act in such a way, but usually I can't find a good one and just shut down even if I shouldn't have or if it would've been worth the risk. Because I'm always like "better to never have loved" and then feel so stupid later. :sad: Lol. Does that count?


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