# how do you spot an emotionally manipulative person?



## conformità (Mar 14, 2010)

really what are the signs? what behavior do they exhibit? what sort of person is emotionally manipulative?


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## OctoberSkye (Jun 3, 2010)

The "best" emotional manipulator will not be obvious, especially if you've never dealt with them before. They know exactly what they're doing and they choose their victims wisely. They prey on naïveté. They manipulate weaknesses - trust, altruism, low self-confidence, and dependent personalities. These manipulators are self-loathing and usually victims of abuse themselves. They make themselves feel better by gaining power and control over others.

To them, deception is an art form. They are very skilled liars.
They have a Jekyll and Hyde nature. Only the victim sees both sides. Everyone else will see someone decent, charming.
They project blame. You cannot hold them accountable for anything.
They are frequent guilt-trippers. "You must not love me. If you loved me, you'd _________."
They are passive-aggressive.
They are bullies. They want you to be intimidated by them. They make threats (usually subtle or implied).
They want you to doubt yourself. This is called crazy making. "An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away."
They have huge double standards. What is okay for them to do, does not apply to you.
They have to be the center of attention. It is all about them. If you are sick, they soon will be too, but 100x worse.
When they insult you, they are "just joking." Something must be wrong with YOU, because you cannot take a joke.
You are directly responsible for their happiness.
In the same vein, they'll convince you that you cannot survive without them. "You're with me because no one will ever love you like I do."
If they cannot manipulate your family and friends, they will isolate you from them.

Emotional Abusers

I spent 6 years with a man who did every single thing in that article.


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## SuperunknownVortex (Dec 4, 2009)

OctoberSkye said:


> The "best" emotional manipulator will not be obvious, especially if you've never dealt with them before. They know exactly what they're doing and they choose their victims wisely. They prey on naïveté. They manipulate weaknesses - trust, altruism, low self-confidence, and dependent personalities. These manipulators are self-loathing and usually victims of abuse themselves. They make themselves feel better by gaining power and control over others.
> 
> To them, deception is an art form. They are very skilled liars.
> They have a Jekyll and Hyde nature. Only the victim sees both sides. Everyone else will see someone decent, charming.
> ...


Well-said. This is more or less the truth.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

conformità said:


> really what are the signs? what behavior do they exhibit? what sort of person is emotionally manipulative?


Some are intentionally manipulative and others do it unintentionally. People disagree on what is manipulative and what isn't and whether someone is doing it on purpose or not. 

Here's a rule of thumb: if you spend time with someone and start to think of them a certain way or feel a particular way that is not in accord with reality, you have been manipulated. Example: if I keep calling you and saying my life sucks and blah blah and my parents are this and that or I can't afford whatever, you feel sorry for me and try to help me out. After sometime you get to know my parents and realize they are nice people, and see that we are financially well off. So you come to the conclusion that I am manipulating you to get you to spend time with me and try to help me. 

Also, note that some people are easily manipulated and others aren't. Usually, the more caring you are and the more you make emotional decisions, the more easily you can be manipulated into helping someone who doesn't really need it.


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## Marcus2x2 (Mar 1, 2010)

OctoberSkye said:


> To them, deception is an art form. They are very skilled liars.
> They have a Jekyll and Hyde nature. Only the victim sees both sides. Everyone else will see someone decent, charming.
> They project blame. You cannot hold them accountable for anything.
> They are frequent guilt-trippers. "You must not love me. If you loved me, you'd _________."
> ...


I knew someone who exhibited a number of these behaviours - I strongly suspect that they suffer from Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD). Some of their behaviours you have mentioned: the projection of blame, gulit tripping, double standards, & need to be the centre of attention, oh yes and the passive aggression.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

That's not histrionic personality disorder.


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## Marcus2x2 (Mar 1, 2010)

Someone who suffers from HPD will be, amongst a number of other things, manipulative. What I am saying is that in regards to manipulation, the person I know exhibits a number of behaviours that OctoberSkye outlined consistent with being an emotional manipulator.


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## IllBeBach (Jun 11, 2010)

I have posted numerous times here I have dealt with these people. And yes, most people even after reading the signs will still have a hard time spotting them. They are charmers, that is for sure, but it is a mask for what really lies beneath them. All that is said that are traits of these people have been said. Don't get mixed up with these people.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

So basically, human beings.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

I knew a disgustingly manipulative person. Every time she was around, it felt like she was tilting the floor and lop-siding everything in the room while holding onto a cool "What? Everything's fine." demeanor and pretending that nothing was going on. I would then start to feel like I was in a fun-house where I _knew _which way was down, but everything around me felt otherwise. It really sucked to be around her. 

What tipped me off about her, mostly in hindsight, is that she reveled in manipulation. I suggest playing along with someone like this. The best way to fight through a trap is to spring it. Get inside, let yourself be manipulated, play dumb and just watch. As I said, what tipped me off was that her eyes would sparkle with glee when she knew she was succeeding. If you can watch the manipulative person take the bate, you've caught them red handed. Tragically, this now means that you're the manipulative one. This is overall a shitty game to play and not one I care to ever play again.


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## Conscience (Mar 9, 2010)

Anyone who acts like Azula form Avatar, the Last Airbender.


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## DecayisinevitableisISFP (Jul 23, 2010)

Azula was one crazy girl...


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