# Your Enneagram type and what you are like at your WORST



## treeghost (Apr 2, 2011)

At my worst: Blaming others whilst blaming myself - very confusing. Having a bit of a martyr complex, thinking people don't give as much as I give. Then not caring what they're giving because I'm holding too many grudges. Self-destructive. Turbulently emotional internally, ironically aloof, sarcastic, bitter, and unwilling to be receptive externally. Pitying myself. Stating sad biographical expressions to myself like I'm a character in a story.

Type 4, by the way.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

for the most part, my behavior is kept in check because I have 
1) strong libertarian values
and
2) am aware of the actual consequences of acting on my fucked urges

however, at my very worst....this goes out the window and narcissism, mixed with a few aspects of Anti Social Personality Disorder, start to take root in several ways
1) people cease to have rights. I'm very much attracted to the idea of rape and pillage and owning a slave whom I've stripped of rights for no other reason than *because I can*.
2) despite this desire to get what I want, I have little to nothing in terms of realistic long term vision because I'm too busy drowning myself in stimulation and desperately seeking sources of energy, becoming more and more grandiose and, paradoxically, dependent. 
3) a desire to control people, often in sadistic, cat-and-mouse-like manner. oddly enough, I'm only noticing this recently (even when mistyping as an 8 for several months and a 7w8 for several more, I never really thought I enjoyed this). physically, there is not a lot to me, so, in the past, I have done this sexually, not primarily for the erotic pleasure I got out of it, I'm actually most turned on by really gentle cuddling lol, but because of the rush it gave me and the pleasure I got from watching them squirm with fear and discomfort. if a cute guy were to break into my house, I would revel at the opportunity to use him as a sex slave. 
4) there's sort of a, for lack of a better word, "love switch" that flips off, along with any kind of guilt I may otherwise have felt. 
5) anyone in a position of real power over me must be eliminated. it's not so much "you're an asshole! I'm gonna show you!"...it's more instinctual than that, like a young male lion who wants to kill off all the rival males in the territory so he can call all the shots. for example, when under extreme stress, I've had pretty strong thoughts about killing my parents, simply because they were there and interrupting my natural behavior despite not doing anything wrong. 
6) any pain inflicted on me is grounds to do whatever I want to the person (actually, this is partially true even when I'm not in a severe disintegrated state. people tend to have a "human/object" switch that I can switch to "object" if they piss me off enough)
7) despite all of this, I STILL think I'm morally superior to everyone

the source of these behaviors is probably 7-ish narcissism, a little of cp6 wing's need to prove I'm capable of certain things, some unhealthy Sx and Sp tendencies and, to a lesser degree, some 8-ish sadism.


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