# Women: Do you live in fear of being sexually assaulted? Why/Why not?



## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I prefer responses from only women. I don't think men know how women feel on this issue. And please don't come at me with some holier-than-thou attitude either. Just state your reasoning and whatever else is necessary. I'm just legitimately curious because it _seems_ a lot of women do and I have a lot of trouble understanding why. And before you jump down my throat (which hopefully no one would do), keep in mind I'm a woman myself.


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## You Sir Name (Aug 18, 2011)

yes, I was raped when I was 10, almost kidnapped when I was 7, was groped in front of all of my friends when I was 14, had a man dry hump me while muttering things under his breath when I was 16, and was recently stalked in a wal-mart. all 100% in public and without being under the influence or wearing too little clothing (which would still be a bullshit excuse for a man treating me like that)

i definitely haven't had the best luck :/


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm not sure, it depends how you define 'living in fear', I suppose. I don't think about it all the time, but I think that I avoid putting myself in vulnerable positions. There's some things I don't do simply because I wouldn't feel safe, that a guy probably wouldn't even think twice about.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

> *Do you live in fear of being sexually assaulted?*


Nope.



> *Why/Why not?*



I don't find myself physically attractive.



I'm a martial art practitioner and I'm confident that I can protect myself. Few males have tried to rape/molested me since I was 7, but no one has succeeded. When my ex (an army soldier) tried to bang me, I lifted and threw him off against the wall. I was smaller and lighter than him.



I have no ability to give up or surrender. So even if I got sexually assaulted, I'm confident that I'm able to get my sweet revenge and make him pay much worst than what he did to me.



I'm wearing hijabi/headscarf, and raper will find it difficult to ripped off my clothes if they want to rape me on the street. I'm an inefficient victim.



I'm very cautious. I don't lead people on and I don't trust anyone easily.



I have a strong survival instinct. If someone has bad intention towards me, my instinct usually warns me.


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## MrMagpie (Aug 22, 2012)

I don't 'live in fear' of it, but as a woman I do have to second-guess and be cautious in situations that men wouldn't think twice about, especially since I have a small frame and probably don't look like I could defend myself.


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## bsrk1 (Jul 18, 2012)

I know you are looking for female answers but I really hate to say it, they should be at least be aware of possible risks especially when alcohol is involved. I personally know a girl who drank too much and passed out in a downtown allyway and was raped. I also see it with especially freshman, they drink to the point of blackout/passout and then try to walk back to the dorms. Sure its only a few blocks but that's a pretty big risk in a college town, there are some creepy dudes out there who wait by the dorms late at night exactly for that reason. I try to make sure they call someone and have a safe ride home when I see it.


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## MelissaC (May 23, 2012)

I was date raped, god, 8 years ago? My beer was drugged. Never thought it would happen to me...thought I was too strong, too smart, too aware. Turned out it was being too trusting that got me.

I don't live in fear at all. I still go out, still consider myself too smart/too strong/too aware to be forcibly raped, but shit do I keep a close eye on my drinks when I'm out and about.


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## CosmicJalapeno (Sep 27, 2011)

Men don't?

Screw that nonsensical noise.

I was molested by my baby sitter when I younger. She used to make me play with her tits.

Ever been to jail/prison? 

I can assure you I saw men being sexually assaulted.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

No, I don't. I don't know why I just worry about other things a lot more than that. When would that happen anyways? I'm a homebody.


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## DeductiveReasoner (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm wary of it, but that doesn't necessarily mean I live in fear. My older relatives would have me be scared shitless if they could, though. They flip out if I go anywhere by myself in broad daylight.

I just keep an eye out for shady-looking people. Trust my instincts, don't leave my drinks laying unattended, etc etc.

I heard the US has one of the highest rape rates among developed countries. Anyone care to verify?


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

No I don't live in fear of being sexually assaulted. Why? Because to live in fear of such would make me a better victim, because I'd have victimmy body language. I don't live in fear but I try to pay attention to my surroundings and use common sense. I don't go out by myself to strange places in the middle of the night. I listen to my intuition. If I feel creeped out leaving a store I ask for an escort to my car. If someone starts to hit on me in an aggressive way where it feels like the underlying goal is to scare me, I don't take the bait and I laugh it off to them. Etc. 

So I take some precautions but I definitely don't live in fear. Besides, stats show you're more likely to be assaulted by someone you know than a stranger, so it's more important to practice saying no (lots of the time it's an issue of date rape that happens because the woman wants to stop things but doesn't voice it properly, for example), not take drinks from strangers, and the like.


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## Kainita (Aug 31, 2011)

No.

Yes I have been raped before, yes it was by someone I was close to, and yes I have been asaulted by strangers as well. However, I always react violently now and usually do serious damage before they get very far. I don't go out of my way to always have soemone with me, last time I went out to be the DD for a couple of girls a group of guys assaulted us and I pretty much scarificed myself, because I knew I would be able to handle it mentally. (Do no be confused, I clearly shouted no and reacted with violence) Those girls, drunk as they were went and got the police, so nothing serious happened, a ripped shirt and a bruise or two. I am not scared in the least. I have just had enough...


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

Not necessarily raped. Even just bullied for my short stature. Which is why I took up martial arts.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Do not live in fear _at all._

I was raped and molested as a young girl, but even before I worked on it with a therapist I don't think I lived in fear of sexual assault at all. Maybe because it's happened, I don't live in fear of it? It's not some great or scary mystery in the sky and I know and have seen myself get out of anything. 

I tend to believe the best about life and scenarios. 

The only place where I see where my earlier traumas may have affected me, is that my partners had to really work hard at proving their genuine intentions. I would test to see if a guy is "one of the bad ones" or "one of the good ones". I've always known both exist. I figure this is related to date rape in particular- once blindly trusting someone's intentions-only to be duped later. 

All I know, is I'm going to enjoy life, continue taking risks and being vulnerable. My past experiences and dealing with them, has only made me stronger and more and more confident that I could get beyond and get through almost anything in life. So why worry?


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## Katerina (Oct 14, 2012)

Living in fear? No. I will switch sidewalks and staff like that but man... when you find yourself in such situations... your lizard brain takes the wheel (grats to anyone who gets the reference). I haven't been sexually assaulted before but I grew up in an adverse environment and had to fight many times since I was a kid. Now I know if anyone tries I will rip his motherfucking head off. 

It helps to feel strong. To feel strong as a woman. To be cautious and prepared (carry paper spray/knife/gun I don't know). But above all look strong. If any prick is out looking to rape they will choose someone who screams victim. So stand tall. Not meaning ask for it. Be sly and low profile. And trust your lizard brain...

And all my respect to women who prioritize getting self defense lessons. Sometimes you can't afford to wait for the problem to be fixed.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Once in a while when walking alone in the city at night I will encounter a group of men who leer a little too much or even make comments, and I get a little uneasy, but if I started screaming someone would hear and I'm sure they aren't stupid enough to think they'd get away with it - so no, not really, even if the thought does briefly cross my mind. And I say group of men, because I don't think just one would have the confidence to take on someone who carries herself the way I do. I'll put a hurtin' on yeh.


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## Faux (May 31, 2012)

I'm not exactly concerned about being jumped and dragged into an alley if I go out for a walk past 6 p.m, but I absolutely will not budge on what's become red flags for me. I don't leave drinks unattended or accept them from anyone I don't know _very_ well, I refuse anyone who gets physical, sneaky, or pushy about intimacy, etc.

My introduction to the world of dating included my first boyfriend spiking my drink with drugs from his mother's medicine cabinet hoping that it would make me more willing to have sex. We'd been going out for a full year at a time when most couples were lasting weeks or months, we were both 16, and neither of us could get up the guts to go buy a pack of condoms and I refused to have unprotected sex. The only reason I'm intact today is because he was also a pansy-ass, and broke down crying when I was halfway through the drink. I was still sober enough to scramble upstairs and demand that his dad drive me home, and that was the end of that.

That's the most relevant example, I think, but I've seen enough (personally) to have valid reason for caution. If I consciously allow such things to happen again, ignoring the red flags, I feel like I'm pretty much validating them and my first boyfriend might as well have succeeded for all it's worth. I escaped intact, and that's a dignity many people don't get.

I take some pleasure in having heard that he hasn't had a girlfriend since.

Back on topic, though, the reason for the fear can come from either hype or personal experience. Just knowing that it's entirely possible, after getting a whiff of having your dignity forcibly and maybe violently stripped from you. Maybe it's already happened, and the possibility has been made very, very real - it could happen again. I don't think living in fear is a good idea, though, because a few precautions can do a great deal, most people are just people, and the exceptions are things we can't prepare for except to know how to defend oneself when push comes to shove.


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## Eddy Kat (Sep 10, 2012)

Maybe? I am aware when Im walking around alone tho, theres a lot of old perverts and you dont know what theyre up to.
Also, every night the though of a dude getting in the house to steal and then rape me or kill me and my family cross my mind lol I feel pathetic afterwards. I think its the medias fault.


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## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

Despite being a rape survivor twice over, I wouldn't say that I live in fear. I'm very wary of course, particularly when going out alone at night and when I'm first getting to know someone, but it's not something that I allow to rule my life.


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## nakkinaama (Jun 20, 2012)

No no no no. Nope. Not at all.


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

I use common sense. I also live in a safe neighborhood. So no, I'm not living in fear. Except one time when I went to downtown Baltimore. I was scared I would get shot there.


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## BlissfulDreams (Dec 25, 2009)

Yes, I am very afraid of being raped. I have a high distrust of men in general. I do not and have not hung around guys. I do not and have not gotten into a car with a male who is a non-relative. I try to stay away from any situation that could potentially lead to me getting hurt. This leads to me staying home a lot. So yes, I would say that this has quite a profound effect on my life.

I think all of this stems from me being bullied and abused by male classmates growing up. I have also had bad interactions with male authority figures which caused me to distrust men in general.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I prefer responses from only women. I don't think men know how women feel on this issue. And please don't come at me with some holier-than-thou attitude either. Just state your reasoning and whatever else is necessary. I'm just legitimately curious because it _seems_ a lot of women do and I have a lot of trouble understanding why. And before you jump down my throat (which hopefully no one would do), keep in mind I'm a woman myself.


I don't live in fear. I know shit happens, and I've even been assaulted myself, but I'm not going to live everyday in fear of being assaulted just because it happened. That's how the assholes win. I'm bigger than they are, and I firmly believe they will suffer the consequences they deserve to suffer for their actions. In the meantime, I am confident, I do know how to defend myself, and should the worst case scenario ever happen and I get murdered or some shit, I believe that justice will be served.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

You Sir Name said:


> yes, I was raped when I was 10, almost kidnapped when I was 7, was groped in front of all of my friends when I was 14, had a man dry hump me while muttering things under his breath when I was 16, and was recently stalked in a wal-mart. all 100% in public and without being under the influence or wearing too little clothing (which would still be a bullshit excuse for a man treating me like that)
> 
> i definitely haven't had the best luck :/


I'm sorry all that happened to you. I'd be terrified of everyone if I were you. You're totally justified, in my opinion. 


Neverontime said:


> I'm not sure, it depends how you define 'living in fear', I suppose. I don't think about it all the time, but I think that I avoid putting myself in vulnerable positions. There's some things I don't do simply because I wouldn't feel safe, that a guy probably wouldn't even think twice about.


Like what, if I may ask? 


bsrk1 said:


> I know you are looking for female answers but I really hate to say it, they should be at least be aware of possible risks especially when alcohol is involved. I personally know a girl who drank too much and passed out in a downtown allyway and was raped. I also see it with especially freshman, they drink to the point of blackout/passout and then try to walk back to the dorms. Sure its only a few blocks but that's a pretty big risk in a college town, there are some creepy dudes out there who wait by the dorms late at night exactly for that reason. I try to make sure they call someone and have a safe ride home when I see it.


Everyone should be careful with alcohol, regardless of gender. 


CosmicJalapeno said:


> Men don't?
> 
> Screw that nonsensical noise.
> 
> ...


I never said or even implied men weren't sexually assaulted. I just wanted to know if women live in fear of being raped.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I'm really relieved to see most women (here at least) don't live in fear of rape. Whenever I see a men vs. women debate online somehow it always turns into how women have to live in fear of rape and men lead problem-free lives with a 0% chance of being sexually assaulted.


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## CosmicJalapeno (Sep 27, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I never said or even implied men weren't sexually assaulted. I just wanted to know if women live in fear of being raped.


You implied men couldn't relate.

Unless men or impervious to the psychological effects of sexual assault, or are never sexually assaulted, I had to assume there was a lapse in your reasoning for why they could not relate.


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## GROUNDED_ONE (May 23, 2012)

Now that I have seen a glimpse of myself under physical distress. I actually fear what would happen if I was the intended..worst day of their life


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

CosmicJalapeno said:


> You implied men couldn't relate.
> 
> Unless men or impervious to the psychological effects of sexual assault, or are never sexually assaulted, I had to assume there was a lapse in your reasoning for why they could not relate.


She mostly implied men don't have to 'live in fear' as much as women do walking down the street or doing anything normal. And they don't as much

As for myself, the most that has happened is car honking or some idiots yelling from their car, which is harmless. I rarely leave the house anyway, it's only when I go for a walk or go running


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## CosmicJalapeno (Sep 27, 2011)

Paranoid Android said:


> She mostly implied men don't have to 'live in fear' as much as women do walking down the street or doing anything normal. And they don't as much
> 
> As for myself, the most that has happened is car honking or some idiots yelling from their car, which is harmless. I rarely leave the house anyway, it's only when I go for a walk or go running


No one has to live in fear.

This applies to both sexes. 

If woman choose to give into fear mongering that's on them.


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## Kyandigaru (Mar 11, 2012)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I prefer responses from only women. I don't think men know how women feel on this issue. And please don't come at me with some holier-than-thou attitude either. Just state your reasoning and whatever else is necessary. I'm just legitimately curious because it _seems_ a lot of women do and I have a lot of trouble understanding why. And before you jump down my throat (which hopefully no one would do), keep in mind I'm a woman myself.


Well, i never got sexually assulted. However I don't think they go for fat girls that can whoop their asses (im just kidding). However I don wonder what I would do in such a situation. Lately, I've been having some reoccuring dreams of a man breaking into my room late at night. I dont know why.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

CosmicJalapeno said:


> No one has to live in fear.
> 
> This applies to both sexes.
> 
> If woman choose to give into fear mongering that's on them.


Sexual assault can be violent. Even if it's not, it can feel extremely violating. I'm not sure why that wouldn't be something to maybe be afraid of. If it is, it's just them. But the fact is, it is much more of a threat to women, that's why she said women would understand more than men, talking about daily life, not prison


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Paranoid Android said:


> She mostly implied men don't have to 'live in fear' as much as women do walking down the street or doing anything normal. And they don't as much


I know its not the subject of discussion here but I do 'live in fear' of being seen as a potential stalker (happens surprisingly often when I'm just walking at my pace in silence in the vicinity of wary women), to the point where I have no idea how to disarm the situation and convince people otherwise. I just wonder if one day someone will assume 'suspicious intentions' and overreact, especially when I am more inclined towards demisexual ways and much prefer the idea of pleasant conversation... as if I should be entitled to feeling victimised somehow (no I am not insulting anyone here or seeking abuse).


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## CosmicJalapeno (Sep 27, 2011)

Paranoid Android said:


> Sexual assault can be violent. Even if it's not, it can feel extremely violating. I'm not sure why that wouldn't be something to maybe be afraid of. If it is, it's just them. But the fact is, it is much more of a threat to women, that's why she said women would understand more than men, talking about daily life, not prison


I still disagree.

People (ie both men and women) who have experienced sexual assault can relate.

Prison is part of daily life. You can dissociate it. It's within the bounds of the Universe.

Sexual assault is asexual assault, it doesn't take into account what sex you are.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

CosmicJalapeno said:


> I still disagree.
> 
> People (ie both men and women) who have experienced sexual assault can relate.
> 
> ...


My point mainly is...you will hear women saying they've been groped in public, sexually assaulted just living their daily lives, they have to be extra vigilante to possible rape and date-rape than men do. Therefore, more fear. And living with those possibilities is not something men usually face, which is what I think she meant
Prison is not part of normal daily life because most people are not in prison, it's not a normal daily thing.It's not like...I'm gonna go shopping, go to the music festival, go to prison, so I would disagree with that. 
I guess what you're saying is that anyone who is assaulted might live in that fear, but it's much easier for women to relate to actually living their normal lives in fear of it happening since it's much more likely to happen to them


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

CosmicJalapeno said:


> You implied men couldn't relate.
> 
> Unless men or impervious to the psychological effects of sexual assault, or are never sexually assaulted, I had to assume there was a lapse in your reasoning for why they could not relate.


No, I didn't. I said I don't think men don't know how women feel on this issue. You're looking for something that is not there.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Paranoid Android said:


> She mostly implied men don't have to 'live in fear' as much as women do walking down the street or doing anything normal. And they don't as much
> 
> As for myself, the most that has happened is car honking or some idiots yelling from their car, which is harmless. I rarely leave the house anyway, it's only when I go for a walk or go running


I implied that I don't _think_ men "live in fear" of it at all. I was asking _if_ women do. And that I'm not really interested in men's responses because I'm asking _women_ as a group. Not that I don't think men can't be sexually assaulted, it's just irrelevant to the particular question I was asking.


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## CosmicJalapeno (Sep 27, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> No, I didn't. I said I don't think men don't know how women feel on this issue. You're looking for something that is not there.


If it happens to both sexes why cant men not know how women feel?

Like I said earlier, sexual assault is sexual assault.

I've seen it happen to far more men than woman too. In some of the most sadistic fashions.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

StElmosDream said:


> I know its not the subject of discussion here but I do 'live in fear' of being seen as a potential stalker (happens surprisingly often when I'm just walking at my pace in silence in the vicinity of wary women), to the point where I have no idea how to disarm the situation and convince people otherwise. I just wonder if one day someone will assume 'suspicious intentions' and overreact, especially when I am more inclined towards demisexual ways and much prefer the idea of pleasant conversation... as if I should be entitled to feeling victimised somehow (no I am not insulting anyone here or seeking abuse).


Now _that_ I hadn't thought of. Do people just get freaked out when you're minding your own business?


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

CosmicJalapeno said:


> If it happens to both sexes why cant men not know how women feel?
> 
> Like I said earlier, sexual assault is sexual assault.
> 
> I've seen it happen to far more men than woman too. In some of the most sadistic fashions.


Yes, sexual assault is sexual assault. 
But I have seen women _as a group_ talk about fear of sexual assault preventing them from doing various activities. 
Which is why I asked women _as a group_ if that is how they felt. 

I said I don't think men know how women feel on this issue because I really don't think that. _I _don't understand how women feel on this issue, which is the point of the thread.


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## CosmicJalapeno (Sep 27, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> Yes, sexual assault is sexual assault.
> But I have seen women _as a group_ talk about fear of sexual assault preventing them from doing various activities.
> Which is why I asked women _as a group_ if that is how they felt.
> 
> I said I don't think men know how women feel on this issue because I really don't think that. _I _don't understand how women feel on this issue, which is the point of the thread.


Well if you dont know how woman feel about it than how can you say men can't relate. You have no basis for how the subject feels to begin with... ah fuck it... this is a trivial argument.


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## Nekomata (May 26, 2012)

I don't live in fear of it because... well, everyone around me are strangers and I don't get close enough to people for that. However, since I hate sex and don't willingly want to do it, my boyfriend think's it's his right to just _take_ it from me, no matter whether I'm crying and telling him to stop. Otherwise... I think something happened in my childhood that I blocked out, other than that, no reason at all to fear being sexually assaulted :3


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

Nekomata said:


> I don't live in fear of it because... well, everyone around me are strangers and I don't get close enough to people for that. However, since I hate sex and don't willingly want to do it, *my boyfriend think's it's his right to just take it from me, no matter whether I'm crying and telling him to stop. *Otherwise... I think something happened in my childhood that I blocked out, other than that, no reason at all to fear being sexually assaulted :3


:shocked:

From the sound of your post, it seems to me that you _are _being sexually assaulted anyway, even if you claim not to live in fear of it. And the perpetrator is no stranger...

Also, the majority of sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows.

Your boyfriend has no right to force himself on you, and if I were you I would run far away from that asshole and never look back.


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## BradyNotTachy (Oct 24, 2012)

Nekomata said:


> I don't live in fear of it because... well, everyone around me are strangers and I don't get close enough to people for that. *However, since I hate sex and don't willingly want to do it, my boyfriend think's it's his right to just take it from me, no matter whether I'm crying and telling him to stop.* Otherwise... I think something happened in my childhood that I blocked out, other than that, no reason at all to fear being sexually assaulted :3


I'm alarmed by this. No one should ever have sex without their consent and no one, boyfriend, spouse, or otherwise, has the right to force you to have sex. If you are telling him to stop and that you don't want sex and he continues anyway that is sexual assault and you should never put up with that. I hope you make that clear to him and never let him do that to you anymore. You always deserve people to respect your body and anything less than that is not to be tolerated.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

I appreciate the offer when a friend offers to walk me somewhere, but I usually turn it down if the sun is out, even if it's in a less than safe neighborhood. Yeah, bad things happen, but I don't want to feel like I have to use someone elses time just to keep me "safe". I guess I'd rather live in some fear than to have to feel like I need someone to help me. Yeah, if I have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or someone that I really enjoy spending time with, then I'll gladly accept the offer to have them walk me somewhere, to spend more time with them.

So, when I am walking alone, I often do have some fear when there is a man walking behind me. However, maybe I thrive on fear, or maybe I don't... maybe I hate fear but have just taught myself to think of it as a rush, like a roller coaster ride. When I am walking alone and am afraid, I try to walk tall and confidently. I really enjoy jogging/running, so sometimes when I'm uncomfortable with a man behind me, I will start jogging/running, and I will tell myself that I am jogging because I enjoy jogging, as if to justify myself.

So, maybe I cause men like *StElmosDream* to feel frustrated. I'm not unaware that some men don't want to feel like they're a threat--I read a short story in college about a large African-American man who enjoyed Vivaldi (Four Seasons) who felt bad at having women scared of him in his travels around the city. However, if I have fear, I have to look out for myself, not be worried about upsetting a man.

Again, I don't want to feel dependent on a friend walking me somewhere, even if it's late. I guess I feel that if someone attempts rape or violence or something on me, then whatever, it happens. I learned Karate when I was young, I'm fit, and I feel confident that I could put up a fight.

As has been stated, a lot of the problem is with non-strangers. When I was in 7th grade, my first boyfriend did things to me that bothered me, and though I told him to stop, he didn't. Granted I was always full-clothed around him (though he really wanted sex), but that doesn't mean what he did wasn't wrong. Much more recently, when my ex and I were seperated but not yet divorced, we went on a walk at night and talked. We stopped and sat on a conveniently located patch of grass with no visability to the roads, at a park where there wasn't anyone else. I thought it would be good to have a nice quiet place to talk about our concerns, but it turned into rape. I didn't know I was able to feel so vulnerable. It was such a crazy rush of mixed emotions. He actually really had me turned on by the time he finished, but I was totally not expecting it, and thought it was totally inappropriate, and I felt so used and awful and cold and disposed. I later told him at least once that what he did to me was awful, and he said sorry, and I didn't want to get him in trouble.


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## Chickadee (Oct 13, 2012)

I don't fear it. I am usually in very public places or with someone I trust who would aid me if something like that happened. I don't often go out to parties or bars or anything on my own, so there isn't a lot of opportunity. I have more fear of being robbed/hurt/killed when running outside than being sexually assaulted.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Sorry to offend men but yes I do. I don't know whether to blame on the rapists after dark propaganda or men themselves as in blaming only those who rape but generalising all men as potential rapists, how do I know who has demented sexual urges, I don't but I do know that im shit scared of being raped as I have been sexually abused before and therefore consider my concern to be quite natural considering whats happened. All else I can say is that, Guys, you can blame all those other guys who couldn't keep their dick in their pants who have put the onus on to you. Thats what your ancestors have done and be brainwashed over centuries to believe that these men are entitled to a womans body whether the woman wants it or not. I would like to see guys speak up on behalf of themselves and try to correct their repuatation that has been badly tarnished by rapists, other men should be really pissed with them in that respect, well as pissed as women are anyway.


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## PlacentaCake (Jun 14, 2012)

I don't live in fear, but walking alone at night, I'm hyper-vigilant.


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## BradyNotTachy (Oct 24, 2012)

mushr00m said:


> Sorry to offend men but yes I do. I don't know whether to blame on the rapists after dark propaganda or men themselves as in blaming only those who rape but generalising all men as potential rapists, how do I know who has demented sexual urges, I don't but I do know that im shit scared of being raped as I have been sexually abused before and therefore consider my concern to be quite natural considering whats happened. All else I can say is that, Guys, you can blame all those other guys who couldn't keep their dick in their pants who have put the onus on to you. Thats what your ancestors have done and be brainwashed over centuries to believe that these men are entitled to a womans body whether the woman wants it or not. I would like to see guys speak up on behalf of themselves and try to correct their repuatation that has been badly tarnished by rapists, other men should be really pissed with them in that respect, well as pissed as women are anyway.


I'm sorry to read that you've been abused before and understand your reaction and concern because of that experience. Not to trivialize violence of any kind but I always viewed sexual abuse as one of the worst kind of abuse there is and while I've not had any experience related to it from what I have heard from those who have and read I'm not surprised by all those who have a very difficult time recovering from it. There is nothing worse to me that knowing a problem exists that causes so much pain and suffering and feeling unable to really help out and fix the problem.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

BradyNotTachy said:


> I'm sorry to read that you've been abused before and understand your reaction and concern because of that experience. Not to trivialize violence of any kind but I always viewed sexual abuse as one of the worst kind of abuse there is and while I've not had any experience related to it from what I have heard from those who have and read I'm not surprised by all those who have a very difficult time recovering from it. There is nothing worse to me that knowing a problem exists that causes so much pain and suffering and feeling unable to really help out and fix the problem.



Thanks for your response. Its very saddening that women think this way and I so wish it didn't have to be like that but its hard to switch off. But im a big believer in making progress and turning around these kinds of things if only men spoke up more regarding their male rapist so-called counterparts. I thought the fact that thoughts were being turned round like more people speaking up and saying, not all men are pigs, really did the male community alot of justice and fairness. Sadly though, there is always the never knowing for sure and watching my back which on one hand which does make me sad that my perception of men as not to be trusted has been tainted by those that have ruined it for other men. I do feel immensely sorry for innocent guys who would never do anything to hurt a woman and just hope guys continue to speak up on behalf of themselves and even women because there is little trust in that respect.


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## Lycrester (Dec 26, 2010)

I never had a fear of being sexually assaulted until recently when this strange man was following me in the park. Even though it was broad daylight and there were families everywhere,he continue to follow me. The park was really wooded and no matter how many paths I took to get away from him,he just kept his pace with me. Once I could see the parking lot,I haled ass out of there. But when I got to my car and turned around he disappeared into the bushes. He never touched me or even said a word but I seriously believed I was going to end up on the 5 o'clock news.


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## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

I will say I dont. 

Im good at reading people, and I listen to my intuition.


The women in here that have given their experiences are beautiful.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Yes, always have and for good reason.

I've been followed at night by a man in a mini-skirt and diapers-- he darted through the park and hid behind the pool house.

I've had men in cars following me at night or early in the morning on the way to work, wacking off or trying to get me in their car.

I've been followed in broad daylight by a guy with a doctors mask who darted out in front of me wacking off.

I've been followed back to my apartment by a guy off the street who approahed me just asking questions and then propositioned me for sex and when I told him to fuck off he followed me to my building, tried to get in the elevator with me and when he couldn't he raced up the stairs trying to catch me.

I've walked the beach in Mexico alone in the morning thinking, "what a lovely day" only to find some pervert hiding behind a boat, staring at me and wacking off.

Recently in China I had a rickshaw driver insist on giving me a ride and when I refused he kept cutting me off, grabbing my arm and telling me to have sex with him and when I refused he literally beat me up in the street. Yea, that was fun.

And even more recently, on my way home after my shift I was followed by an Indian guy who propositioned me for sex and when I told him I wasn't a prostitute and to go away he said, "that's okay" as though, the fact I wasn't a prostitue shouldn't hinder my accepting his generous proposal...?

And no, I'm not a slut, I don't look like a slut or dress like a slut. I'm an INFP and if anything dress kinda frumpy -- very plain. Neither am I unusually pretty, not at all -- plain and overweight actually.

These experience have angered me to no end. I deeply resent having to be made to look over my should all the time; I envy that men don't. And I hate how when I tell these things to a male friend they downplay it or laugh, thinking it's funny. _Furious!_

I remember watching a movie a long time ago and at the beginning it said a woman was raped every 3 minutes in the U.S.
It's a very real fear.


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## BradyNotTachy (Oct 24, 2012)

amanda32 said:


> Yes, always have and for good reason.
> 
> I've been followed at night by a man in a mini-skirt and diapers-- he darted through the park and hid behind the pool house.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing, I am sorry to read the experiences you went through so far in life. Probably a strong emotional mix of frustration, anxiety, fear, sadness, and hate, all for minding your own business and others not. I hope these experiences stop for you!


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

amanda32 said:


> Yes, always have and for good reason.
> 
> I've been followed at night by a man in a mini-skirt and diapers-- he darted through the park and hid behind the pool house.


:shocked: Scary!



amanda32 said:


> I've had men in cars following me at night or early in the morning on the way to work, wacking off or trying to get me in their car.


:shocked: I'm so sorry you have to go through that!



amanda32 said:


> I've been followed in broad daylight by a guy with a doctors mask who darted out in front of me wacking off.


:shocked: Oh dear! You poor dear!



amanda32 said:


> I've been followed back to my apartment by a guy off the street who approahed me just asking questions and then propositioned me for sex and when I told him to fuck off he followed me to my building, tried to get in the elevator with me and when he couldn't he raced up the stairs trying to catch me.


:shocked: How frightening!



amanda32 said:


> I've walked the beach in Mexico alone in the morning thinking, "what a lovely day" only to find some pervert hiding behind a boat, staring at me and wacking off.


:frustrating:



amanda32 said:


> Recently in China I had a rickshaw driver insist on giving me a ride and when I refused he kept cutting me off, grabbing my arm and telling me to have sex with him and when I refused he literally beat me up in the street. Yea, that was fun.


:crying: *hugs you*



amanda32 said:


> And even more recently, on my way home after my shift I was followed by an Indian guy who propositioned me for sex and when I told him I wasn't a prostitute and to go away he said, "that's okay" as though, the fact I wasn't a prostitue shouldn't hinder my accepting his generous proposal...?


:angry:



amanda32 said:


> And no, I'm not a slut, I don't look like a slut or dress like a slut. I'm an INFP and if anything dress kinda frumpy -- very plain. Neither am I unusually pretty, not at all -- plain and overweight actually.


I'm so sorry you've been preyed on!



amanda32 said:


> These experience have angered me to no end.


Of course they have! I just want to hold you and protect you and not let any of this ever happen to you again!



amanda32 said:


> I deeply resent having to be made to look over my should all the time; I envy that men don't. And I hate how when I tell these things to a male friend they downplay it or laugh, thinking it's funny. _Furious!_


*Continues hugging you* I wish I could look behind and around you for you. I wish I could be your scout and prevent you from feeling more pain!



amanda32 said:


> I remember watching a movie a long time ago and at the beginning it said a woman was raped every 3 minutes in the U.S.
> It's a very real fear.


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

No, but like an above poster said, I'm vigilant/aware of my surroundings at night, without fear. There have been instances where I was walking along, lost in thought, and nearly screamed out loud when a jogger or biker whizzed by without me hearing them. I hate being startled like that.:frustrating:


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Why have most of the women on here been raped? Does everyone here live in shady parts of town?


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Signify said:


> Why have most of the women on here been raped? Where the hell do you people live? e.o I can't name one person from my town that has been raped.


Why would anyone that hasn't been raped/sexually assaulted share their non-existant story here?


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

WOW! I can't believe how many people have been perved on by dudes whacking off! Weird... I don't know whether that happening would really fuck me up, I think I'd just be irritated and then possibly laugh about it later. I don't think of voyeur type men as monsters to be feared. They have a fetish where they want to scare women with their wieners because it gets them off. As for a man chasing me in a mask or whatever else, I'd be extremely angry and feel an extreme amount of adrenaline probably mixed with a small amount of fear, but it's different for me because I'm 6'0 140 lbs; taller than most men. I can understand why other women might be afraid Though.


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

mushr00m said:


> Why would anyone that hasn't been raped/sexually assaulted share their non-existant story here?


I wasn't doubting, just trying to figure out why it differs so greatly from where I live.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Signify said:


> Why have most of the women on here been raped? Where the hell do you people live? e.o I can't name one person from my town that has been raped.


With that fuc*ing lousy attitude, women aren't going to tell you that they've been raped before.
Even with a better attitude, you're very rarely going to see a woman discussing her personal stories with a man.
You think all rape makes it onto the news?
Fuc* you!
Many women don't report rape or don't know how to react to it or...


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

Signify said:


> I wasn't doubting, just trying to figure out why it differs so greatly from where I live.


Rape happens in any class of people. Poor, wealthy, middle... I think a lot of women don't report it because of victim blaming, they don't know who the guy was, or the guy is a prominent/respected figure and feel like people wouldn't believe them (which I believe is a part of victim blaming..) Rape happens anywhere. How could you possibly know how many women get raped where you live ? To say "It doesn't happen here.." is just.. kind of stupid. Because I'm sure it does, you just aren't aware of it.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

thankxxyou said:


> Rape happens in any class of people. Poor, wealthy, middle... I think a lot of women don't report it because of victim blaming, they don't know who the guy was, or the guy is a prominent/respected figure and feel like people wouldn't believe them (which I believe is a part of victim blaming..) Rape happens anywhere. How could you possibly know how many women get raped where you live ? To say "It doesn't happen here.." is just.. kind of stupid. Because I'm sure it does, you just aren't aware of it.


I was going to say the same thing. Thank you, thankxxyou.



Signify said:


> Why have most of the women on here been raped? Does everyone here live in shady parts of town?


Huge generalization, and not true.
You think most rape happens in back alleys of large cities?
Have you read in this thread about how the majority of rape is not between strangers?
Or maybe you don't think that my still technically husband at the time raping me counts as "real" rape?


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

thankxxyou said:


> To say "It doesn't happen here.." is just.. kind of stupid. Because I'm sure it does, you just aren't aware of it.


I'm not saying it isn't possible, simply that since I have not heard of a single incident on the news or from someone else, it makes plenty of sense to deduce it is not a common practice. I was making a light-hearted joke, but it appears I have poked an emotional wasp nest.


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

Signify said:


> I was making a light-hearted joke, but it appears I have poked an emotional wasp nest.


Lighthearted jokes in a thread where women are sharing experiences about rape/sexual abuse = Completely stupid. Try learning something about common sense before talking to somebody about emotional/physical/mental trauma. Or, just don't say anything unless you know the victim personally, and know how/what they think/feel about it enough to not upset them with your detached, probably desensitized/blase view on the matter.


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

Signify said:


> since I have not heard of a single incident on the news or from someone else, it makes plenty of sense to deduce it is not a common practice.


:dry:


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## KINGoftheAMAZONS (Jun 21, 2011)

Signify said:


> I wasn't doubting, just trying to figure out why it differs so greatly from where I live.


Where do you live?


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

thankxxyou said:


> Lighthearted jokes in a thread where women are sharing experiences about rape/sexual abuse = Completely stupid. Try learning something about common sense before talking to somebody about emotional/physical/mental trauma. Or, just don't say anything unless you know the victim personally, and know how/what they think/feel about it enough to not upset them with your detached, probably desensitized/blase view on the matter.


That raises another question. Where does the emotional trauma come from exactly? I'd think getting the shit beat out of you and mugged would be objectively worse because:

a) The damage inflicted is more likely to be far more severe (broken bones, cuts, possibly stabbed or shot)
b) They now have all your money & credit cards to do fuck all with

Is it just societal conditioning that it should be super traumatic that makes it traumatic? Is the initial fear of possibly getting killed which does it? From your response, you'd think I was advocating the slaughter of your parents. I'm not saying it's a good thing, simply that laughing is better than sobbing. I mean, we have dead baby jokes that plenty of people find funny and I consider that hundreds of times worse than rape. Something is actually dying (usually in quite a disturbing way). I mean, if the woman actually became pregnant and abortion was illegal in her country, that does suck terribly, but to emotionally explode on someone making a comment that is not synonymous with a victim-serving emotional pat-pat of sympathy for something that is still in question to if it should even be considered traumatic paired with the fact it happened so long ago for most people that they should have allowed the wounds to heal? 

Meh. Sociology....you still hold many mysteries.


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## Maeve (Apr 22, 2012)

My understanding is that most women know their rapist. It happens a lot with date rape where a perpetrator will create that trust then force themselves on a woman as a way to bully and intimidate. Rape is a power game not a sex act. I've seen pervs on the subway wacking off and I just laugh at them. It humiliates them. I haven's seen that in more than a decade. I read somewhere that predators choose victims because of body language and posture. I don't know how true that is, but apparently very vulnerable types walk out of sync and do certain things with their body that signals to a predator that they're prey. I can buy into this because I remember one time I was in downtown Boston acting all frazzled--and part of it was an act--and I noted this street hustler, mobbish looking dude eyeballing in the doorway of building. He had this amused glint in his eye as he assessed me. I immediately stopped the frazzlement because I just didn't want to be attracting that kind of attention.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Signify said:


> I'm not saying it isn't possible, simply that since I have not heard of a single incident on the news or from someone else, it makes plenty of sense to deduce it is not a common practice. I was making a light-hearted joke, but it appears I have poked an emotional wasp nest.


I guess what I say doesn't matter, because I already addressed the news and why you wouldn't have heard about it from someone.
No, you don't make plenty of sense.
If you were raped by someone you knew in a bedroom, what do you think the chances would be that it would be on the news?
Even if you were raped in a public place and by a stranger, how likely do you think it would be that you'd want to tell all your friends about it? Wouldn't you be embarrassed about it? You think you'd want the media attention?

Joke? You think you were "making a light-hearted joke" to say that the women on this thread site are susceptible to rape? Fuc* off.


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## 2GiveMyHeart2 (Jan 2, 2012)

I sort of do because I don't like being alone even though I've taken self-defense classes. I'm a small woman, so people would take advantage of my smallness.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Im genuinely concerned that a guy is attempting to downplay the emotional aspect over the physical when a woman is forced on. Unless a man has been raped himself, then he may never the know the true emotional impact of rape which tends to lead to PTSD and then the physical risks like risk of becoming pregnant, std's etc. It is rude to presume and downplay the emotional reaction of a rape victim. It is not natural for a man to rape and therefore negative emotional reaction from the victim is entirely natural.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Signify said:


> That raises another question. Where does the emotional trauma come from exactly? I'd think getting the shit beat out of you and mugged would be objectively worse because:
> 
> a) The damage inflicted is more likely to be far more severe (broken bones, cuts, possibly stabbed or shot)
> b) They now have all your money & credit cards to do fuck all with
> ...


You seem to not take this seriously at all...
Societal conditioning my ass. Rape was just as traumatic in previous centuries. I suppose you think that women make too big a deal about it now that women are allowed more rights and are better able to protest and speak out against it? Rape isn't as bad as killing babies, so maybe women complain too much?

Being raped takes your dignity away from you.
It's the fear of not knowing what's going to happen; the fear of not being strong enough to get him off of you; the fear of not knowing how far he's going to go; it's the fear of being helpless and so much more.

Apparently you cannot comprehend extensive emotional scarring.


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Zletta said:


> You're an asshole--you seem to not take this seriously at all.
> Societal conditioning my ass. Rape was just as traumatic in previous centuries. I suppose you think that women make too big a deal about it now that women are allowed more rights and are better able to protest and speak out against it? Rape isn't as bad as killing babies, so maybe women complain too much? Fuc* you.
> 
> Being raped takes your dignity away from you. I wouldn't say that killing a baby is hundreds of times worse than rape. I'd let someone go back in time and kill me as baby and dissolve my life if it would prevent 100 women from getting raped, and give them rape-free lives.
> ...


So far, you have: 

a) Takes away dignity 
b) Fear of not knowing what's going to happen
c) fear of being helpless

Ok, so these three factors are objectively worse than taking a human life? What? 

a) Dignity is something which can be restored. I mean, if you look like an ass in front of hundreds of people, sure, you lose your 'dignity', you cry for a night or two and you get over it. What do you mean dignity? Hell, I could argue prostitutes don't have any dignity, but they play the victim all the time. 

b) What? That fear is gone after it's over. This is invalidated almost immediately afterwards. 
c) You were helpless. That fact doesn't change before or after rape. Afterwards, you just no longer have a question. 

Losing a loved one sucks emotionally, getting raped and getting a life-lasting STD sucks emotionally, being unable to have kids being married sucks emotionally, losing everything financially sucks emotionally. Those make perfect sense. 

But is rape that sensitive of a subject that you can't even try to get over it after how many years exactly? I know people that make jokes about their dead brother five years later. That is so much worse. What is with your dignity that is so important? We are nothing more than worthless humans who will be completely forgotten by the world in a century or two. Chances are, we will give forth no real contribution to human history. On what grounds do you even have dignity? Everyone has bumps in the road. I just choose to laugh at mine and not curl up in a corner and snap back at people for the rest of eternity. It just breeds the hatred you feel towards me. :wink:


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## Maeve (Apr 22, 2012)

I think what we're witnessing here is a typical display of NTP cluelessness. Lacking empathy is a weakpoint with them. So you might as well move on instead of arguing


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## BradyNotTachy (Oct 24, 2012)

Maeve said:


> I think what we're witnessing here is a typical display of NTP cluelessness. Lacking empathy is a weakpoint with them. So you might as well move on instead of arguing


Yep, I have a friend who was exactly like that. After upsetting someone over something similar to this, he honestly had no idea why the person was upset or offended, even after I had pulled him aside and explained it. Completely lacked the ability. While frustrating, people who knew him learned to deal with it, but every once in awhile someone who didn't know him would wind up becoming upset or offended by something he said or argued. And yes, he was highly opinionated and liked to "discuss passionately" as he put it, so this kind of thing would show up often with him. Signify reminds me a lot of him too because I recall a discussion about this very subject once where he spoke similarly as Signify has, and several of us, especially his mom, repeatedly kept trying to get him to understand the extreme emotional impact rape can have on an individual but he seemed to be unintentionally oblivious to understanding it. Logic and reason were all he could relate to and understand. So I don't take particular offense to Signify's words because I can relate to him from my past experience with my friend and I realize it is possible he truly doesn't "get it" and doesn't mean ill of those who have shared their experience or the subject of rape in general.

Thanks to all who have shared your experiences and thoughts so far, I hope that anyone who is a victim of rape or knows of someone who has been will get help because no one should be alone to deal with it.


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

Have you been raped or sexually abused, signify? What you've said suggests you've had the experience and know how you yourself would respond or react to rape or being sexually abused or attacked.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

First, thanks for the NTP explanation. I should have known better. I have an INTP (the opposite of me) friend who can sometimes sound cruel. I'll try not to take what Signify says as seriously/personally. (Some of the following was writting earlier today before the helpful explanation).

Wow Signify...
Do you read what you write? Do you listen to yourself? You really cannot understand this, can you?



Signify said:


> So far, you have:
> 
> a) Takes away dignity
> b) Fear of not knowing what's going to happen
> c) fear of being helpless


No, I had more than three things in the one post alone.



Signify said:


> Ok, so these three factors are objectively worse than taking a human life? What?


I never said that those factors were worse than taking a life; I never said anything remotely close to that.



Signify said:


> a) Dignity is something which can be restored.


Who says dignity can be restored? How can such a painful memory be taken away? And if it could, it can be a very heavy price--lots of tears and hours/cost of counseling and time and whatever else.

And what about PTSD?


mushr00m said:


> Unless a man has been raped himself, then he may never the know the true emotional impact of rape which tends to lead to PTSD...


Do you comprihend the difficulties associated with PTSD (which I don't have, but which I don't think I underestimate)?



Signify said:


> I mean, if you look like an ass in front of hundreds of people, sure, you lose your 'dignity', you cry for a night or two and you get over it.


A night or two? Are you joking again? You're really that ignorant?
"Look like an ass" is also a severe understatement. Even just being unwillingly half stripped in front of a few friends as a teenager can be an awful traumatic experience in some cases. Traumatic experiences that are not taken care of can lead to a lifetime of problems.



Signify said:


> What do you mean dignity? Hell, I could argue prostitutes don't have any dignity, but they play the victim all the time.
> 
> b) What? That fear is gone after it's over. This is invalidated almost immediately afterwards.


Maybe you're able to not have something sexually traumatic replayed to or haunt you throughout your life, but many are not able to ignore what has happened to them, and some who do ignore it just end up with other problems.
I know females and males who have been molested by a family member or relative while they were young, and it's truly hell to deal with it.
I've been in car accidents, but for me they don't replay to me in horror--they didn't involve someone with a close connection to me getting their way with me without my permission, which I think is harder to get over.



Signify said:


> c) You were helpless. That fact doesn't change before or after rape. Afterwards, you just no longer have a question.
> 
> Losing a loved one sucks emotionally, getting raped and getting a life-lasting STD sucks emotionally, being unable to have kids being married sucks emotionally, losing everything financially sucks emotionally. Those make perfect sense.
> 
> But is rape that sensitive of a subject that you can't even try to get over it after how many years exactly?


HAVE YOU READ THIS THREAD? This thread is talking about women who have a frequent or even daily fear of being taken advantage of. Even women who haven't been raped can have a fear of this.



Signify said:


> I know people that make jokes about their dead brother five years later. That is so much worse.


Yeah, about THEIR dead brother, not someone else's dead brother. Would you make a joke about the rape from five years back of a woman that you know? I hope not.
You weren't even making a joke about rape earlier in the thread, that was a BS excuse, I would guess. If you really were making a joke, I seriously don't get it... can someone explain it to me?



Signify said:


> What is with your dignity that is so important? We are nothing more than worthless humans who will be completely forgotten by the world in a century or two. Chances are, we will give forth no real contribution to human history.


Brilliant argument (not). Now you're just saying that nothing matters; pitiful.



Signify said:


> On what grounds do you even have dignity? Everyone has bumps in the road. I just choose to laugh at mine and not curl up in a corner and snap back at people for the rest of eternity. It just breeds the hatred you feel towards me. :wink:


I don't hate you, I dislike your attitude and your arrogance and your lack of empathy in regards to a topic that really is delicate.


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## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

Not really 

I'm about a 5 in physical attractiveness, I don't wear revealing clothing, my hair is often in my face, I wear thick glasses, I'm not afraid to fight back if I have to, I'm stronger than what I look, I usually carry my pocket knife or my tazer, I am overweight and gelatin like, and I don't go out very often. I also already creep people out by talking to myself, making random noises, and involuntarily twitching without always realizing it until people tell me.


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## SalvinaZerelda (Aug 26, 2010)

I'd be too angry to be afraid.
There are lines you don't cross..


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## NT the DC (May 31, 2012)

Maeve said:


> I think what we're witnessing here is a typical display of NTP cluelessness. Lacking empathy is a weakpoint with them. So you might as well move on instead of arguing


NTP have Fe in their functional stack, we're not clueless about empathy.
It's just more fun for some to point out holes in logic.


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