# Mean People



## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

I don't know what to do anymore about people acting mean and inconsiderate to me.

Should I just tell them that I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and they have a tendency to severely exacerbate my symptoms?

I have to be around such cold, uncaring, seemingly heartless people on a regular basis. They have a way of ruining my mood at the drop of a hat.

Help.


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## TruthDismantled (Jan 16, 2013)

Try to become more active in other areas of your life, getting busy doing things you used to really enjoy and take part in them again in your spare time.

Sometimes it can help just taking in some good breaths and keeping your back straight and explaining clearly and directly (as alien as it may be to you) what it is about them which you find disrespectful and that you dont want them to do that anymore. They'll see you're about business and have a firm stance on the atter which will surprise them and in all likelihood make them realise you're not just some pushover.

You've gotta' just say it as it is, no beating around the bush trying to explain how you feel to them or they wont repect you like you want them to, you gotta speak to them using their language.

Good luck!


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

Are these "mean" people concentrated to one facet of your life? Or is it really everywhere you go?


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## Zombie Devil Duckie (Apr 11, 2012)

M.M.,

I'd suggest finding a group therapy session for people with similar life experiences and discussing it with them openly. Talking about it will ease some of the anxiety you are feeling.

I don't advocate violence, and if you could simply ignore them you wouldn't be asking for help. You won't be able to reason with everyone (especially that type), and avoiding social situations is exactly the opposite of what you need right now.

SO..... give thought to a group that you can join & talk it over with them.


Regards,


-ZDD


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## LoveAshley (Mar 31, 2013)

You have to start standing up for yourself more. It's probably because they see you as a doormat. Call them out on their bs.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

LoveAshley said:


> You have to start standing up for yourself more. It's probably because they see you as a doormat. Call them out on their bs.


It's impossible. They antagonize in ways in which you can't fight back. It's hard for me to describe. The situations can be complex. I'm rendered helpless usually.


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## LoveAshley (Mar 31, 2013)

Ok who are these people and where are you encountering them?


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

If it's not possible to end the conflict by steamrollering them in one go, I'd recommend minimizing your emotional and physical presence around them. Put up a wall in your heart and mind when they approach and think of other things when they are around. 

Make yourself as "non-present" as possible. 

This is assuming that people are only verbally harassing you, not physically.

Unless these people are bullying you without realizing it, I wouldn't recommend telling them about your diagnosis. It may only give them fuel. 

*NOTE:* I am a stranger who has never seen your life or circumstances. I am not a licensed therapist or psychologist; my advice is not professional-- it is simply my advice. Please take whatever I say with a large grain of salt.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Maybe they just need love. Try asking if if everything is alright with them? Compliment them. Be nice.


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## Frosty (Jul 16, 2010)

Hey MM

Are these people relatives? Co-workers? 

I myself was in a job years ago having to work with a bunch of shitbirds who formed their own clique and they would go around thinking they were the rulers of the universe. They had this condescending mentality that made me want to vomit out internal organs. They made me sick, and I let them know, too. Obviously this didn't sit well with the alpha shitbird, so this person would do all they could to make things miserable for me while on the clock. I figured that two could play at that game so I would mirror the treatment given to me by the wretched assclowns. 

Eventually, to my surprise, two other people who were normally pacifists joined in with me at securing the demise of their antics. I never would have guessed that they had problems with this particular clique as well. The castle on defense became the invaders on offense, and, mentally speaking, the clique castle was burned to the ground. Hearts were won, attitudes were adjusted. 

I'm just recalling an event with myself that I felt related to what I read in the OP. I don't have all the details of your situation. Good luck to ye, pal.


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## Le Beau Coeur (Jan 30, 2011)

http://myquotesgarden.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/tumblr_mfxmx4pVNp1rne198o1_500.jpg


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## Kysinor (Mar 19, 2009)

Monsieur Melancholy said:


> I don't know what to do anymore about people acting mean and inconsiderate to me. Should I just tell them that I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and they have a tendency to severely exacerbate my symptoms? I have to be around such cold, uncaring, seemingly heartless people on a regular basis. They have a way of ruining my mood at the drop of a hat. Help.


The thing is if you are asking me if this meaness didn't exist or were a problem for us we could cooperate and try to achieve great things. Unfortunately many people don't seem to want that. In other words if you ask me mean people are self-serving and stupid. Maybe that won't stop them but that is my line of thinking.


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## Typhon (Nov 13, 2012)

LoveAshley said:


> You have to start standing up for yourself more. It's probably because they see you as a doormat. Call them out on their bs.





Stelliferous said:


> Maybe they just need love. Try asking if if everything is alright with them? Compliment them. Be nice.


You guys cant be serious.


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

LoveAshley said:


> Ok who are these people and where are you encountering them?


They're scattered about basically everywhere. Some are family, some are people at work, most are generally around town.


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## LoveAshley (Mar 31, 2013)

Typhon said:


> You guys cant be serious.


Well what is your solution?


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## rosegeranium (Apr 1, 2013)

You have to truly not care. When you get to the point where you don't care what people have to say to you, that is when they will stop being rude(for the most part) because they sense that you don't care. When you pretend not to care, people sense that as well and will continue to mess with you. 

You don't have to become jaded. But you do have to work on your programming and "rewire" your brain. Why do you care if people are mean to you anyway? There will always be people that will like you and be nice to you even if you turned into a hideous, monstrous jerk(which you are not). The people that are mean to you do not matter even they are well respected or members of your family.

You obviously care about yourself enough to ask this question. So you must care about yourself to realize that you harm yourself if you give a crap what mean people say to you. One thing that I have learned is that most people are so oblivious that they will believe whatever you believe. If you care about what other people think then they will believe it and they will exploit it because they are afraid of being "weak" themselves. If you don't care about what people think and are positive they will believe it and not know what to do about you! The good ones among them will like you, the bad ones will ignore you.
@Monsieur Melancholy EDIT: I come back to this post to ask you a question. I hope that I don't sound like a preachy INFJ giving unsollicited advice. I don't think I'm a counselor or shrink. But I must ask whether or not you truly have your best interests at heart? Because if you do truly want the best for yourself then even if people are super mean you will work through it piece by piece until none of it bothers you. I'm not saying it's easy to not care when people are mean because when we are sensitive it's like we can't understand why someone would behave this way. But understand that some people just aren't wired like you and so they will be mean and not understand _why_ it is so bothersome to you, only that it elicits a reaction that mirrors the fears they have within themselves, or because they are just bored, or even curious about you. People are very weird, let me tell you.

So if you truly have your best interests at heart you will work on not caring about crap that offers nothing in return to you. When you truly stop caring about what others think that is when people become attracted to you or ignore you.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

LoveAshley said:


> You have to start standing up for yourself more. It's probably because they see you as a doormat. Call them out on their bs.


I sigh whenever people give advise like 'just be yourself' and or 'be confident'.

That only describes the psychological state they need to attain, not how to attain it. Which is the advise they need.

I know you meant well but you might as well say to someone 'become rich'.


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## LoveAshley (Mar 31, 2013)

strangestdude said:


> I sigh whenever people give advise like 'just be yourself' and or 'be confident'.
> 
> That only describes the psychological state they need to attain, not how to attain it. Which is the advise they need.
> 
> I know you meant well but you might as well say to someone 'become rich'.



Well I didn't go into detail here because I don't know the specifics of how these people are being mean. There are lots of different ways someone could stand up for themselves. I would need more information from the OP.


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## Typhon (Nov 13, 2012)

LoveAshley said:


> Well what is your solution?


I dont know. It depends on the situation, fighting back might be necessary, but ultimately, if someone has a problem with you its best to cut them off as they wont stop. Its not about earning their respect, they dont really deserve that. Noone has to prove anything to a bully.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Monsieur Melancholy said:


> I don't know what to do anymore about people acting mean and inconsiderate to me.
> 
> Should I just tell them that I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and they have a tendency to severely exacerbate my symptoms?
> 
> I have to be around such cold, uncaring, seemingly heartless people on a regular basis. They have a way of ruining my mood at the drop of a hat.


(Written without facetiousness)

IME developing assertiveness, from a distinct lack of it, is a gradual process frought with many regressions into old passive habits.

IME to develop a 'state' that is conducive to spontaneous expressions of assertiveness you need 2 focus on 2 things. And you have to 'work on developing yourself, as much as you would work on developing a career' to paraphrase an anonymous person.

1) Developing a positive self image. Developing self compassion and self appreciation. And developing strong convictions that it's OK to have boundaries, that your needs and desires are important, and that it's OK to take up space in the world. 

There are many exercises to approach the above; 

Some of the most practical exercises I've come across can be found in the books;

Self compassion by Kristen Neff
Instant Confidence By Paul Mckenna

2) Developing better posture. 

Rolfing, Anatomy trains. (I highly recommend even just doing 'session 1' of rolfing to open up you chest and back, which has a profound effect on confidence. And try to get them to show you the wall breathing exercise to keep your chest and back open.).

3) Socializing... Practice makes perfect.

_I have mild social anxiety, so I have to deal with social anxiety and developing/maintaining assertiveness. And it's only recently (After beginning rolfing a month ago) I've discovered how much good posture predisposes me to spontaneous acts of assertiveness, or not being affected internally by others passive-aggression or aggression._


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