# Physical Attraction



## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Do you have to be physically attracted to someone to date them?


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

At least a little... I mean I'd willingly date up to 40-50 lbs more than my weight. But there is a point when weight or looks will be an issue...As superficial as it sounds, yes to some degree, looks matter. But personality will always be more of a decisive factor when it comes to dating!


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## Sunless (Jul 30, 2009)

Nope! as long as i dont consider the person gross, everything goes :mellow:


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## SummoningDark (Mar 10, 2009)

inebriato said:


> Do you have to be physically attracted to someone to date them?


Well yes, of course...but that doesn't necessarily mean that person has to be beautiful. I always considered beauty to be a synonym for boredom. I don't go in for beautiful people, I'm more for ..uh..interesting types in both respects, physical and personalitywise.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

At least a little bit id say


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## thewindlistens (Mar 12, 2009)

Sunless said:


> Nope! as long as i dont consider the person gross, everything goes :mellow:


So, No but Yes?


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## Dharma Ga (Feb 5, 2009)

yup, was chatting to a girl today, who I was very attracted to personality wise, but was unsure looks wise how I felt about her, and asked her to send another photo over, which she did, and I felt, nope ain't gonna work, told her how I felt in as polite a way I could, and she agreed, actually felt the same way about me, so we settled for being friends, but yup, annoyingly, looks matter to me anyway


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

No. I feel that it is morally wrong for the aesthetics of the body to play any role at all in mate selection, and would not even consider being with someone who did not share my views on this issue, no matter how many other seemingly positive qualities he had.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

In general, no. However I will be honest and say that there IS a point in which body weight is just too much and it crosses over the line from "not important" to "how can you be so irresponsible with your own body."


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

You know, some of us didn't get this way by being irresponsible. I'm tempted to post nude pictures here to punish you for being insensitive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

snail said:


> You know, some of us didn't get this way by being irresponsible. I'm tempted to post nude pictures here to punish you for being insensitive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't be defensive.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

awww, but I'd censor the naughty bits. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

snail said:


> awww, but I'd censor the naughty bits.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're so thoughtful! x'D


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## Ungweliante (Feb 26, 2009)

Definitely. I would consider it morally wrong to date someone WITHOUT finding him or her physically attractive.

I would never want to be in a situation when I'd be chosen in a sort of "Well, I think you're second rate at best looks-wise, but I'm with you nonetheless since you're pretty much great" -way. I also would not do that to someone else. I would consider it cruel towards him or her, and vice versa. 

I want my companion to be attracted to me both physically AND mentally. It's either that or no go.


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## N^G (Apr 30, 2009)

Personally, I wouldn't date someone if their looks weren't acceptable enough for me to sleep with them, it would just be a complete failure at hitting the point of dating. Anything less than aiming for physical intimacy would be merely a ham fisted and potentially backfiring attempt at making friends, as the unattractive date would have different expectations from the "dating".


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

I need someone I can both look at, and talk to.


Call me picky, but hell I'm not going to lie.


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## 480 (Jan 22, 2009)

People don't buy ugly art because it needs a home... and I'm not going to date an ugly person just because they need love.

It would not be fair to either of us, and would just be cruel to the person I'm dating.

Also... I am a very sexual creature, and sex is large component of a relationship with me. If I'm not attracted to the person... it's just not happening.


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## Kokos (Dec 28, 2008)

Grim said:


> People don't buy ugly art because it needs a home... and I'm not going to date an ugly person just because they need love..


hahahaha You made my day grim; i'm keeping that quote at hand, thanks a lot


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Let's put it this way. On a scale from 1 to 10 you drop somewhere on that continuum. Now you're personality can add or subtract from you're current spot by as much as 5 or 6 points if it is good enough.


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## addle1618 (Oct 31, 2008)

Ungweliante said:


> Definitely. I would consider it morally wrong to date someone WITHOUT finding him or her physically attractive.
> 
> I would never want to be in a situation when I'd be chosen in a sort of "Well, I think you're second rate at best looks-wise, but I'm with you nonetheless since you're pretty much great" -way. I also would not do that to someone else. I would consider it cruel towards him or her, and vice versa.
> 
> I want my companion to be attracted to me both physically AND mentally. It's either that or no go.


this...........


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## entpreter (Aug 5, 2009)

I think that attraction has a lot to do with what you are used to or comfortable with. Beauty and attraction are relative. For instance, I have many friends who are coupled with people who share similar physical features. 

Case in point: Two friends of mine who are married; she is 5'10, he is 6'2. They both have long torsos, long legs, are athletic and lean. Both have larger noses, close-set eyes, and large and beautiful smiles. It seems to me that they find comfort in looking at a face that is slightly familiar to their own. Alternatively, if you look at their differences, she has dark hair, skin and eyes and he has light hair, skin and eyes, they may be different enough to still be attractive to each other. 

There are definitely cases where matching someone physically isn't important, but I think there is something to be said with what_ fits_ and compliments our body type and comfort level. 

Next time you're walking along the street, look at the couples and find their similarities. I'm always amazed. 

And yes, I have to be physically attracted to someone and they have to be physically attracted to me. And the attraction has to be on a similar level or else it won't work, at least not for me. They have to be smart too.


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## sunshine (Jul 18, 2009)

Physical attraction is very important in dating. However, I've found that if I am in love with someone's personality, I become attracted to their physical characteristics. Inner beauty is a strong and direct influence on my perception of outer beauty.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

It absolutely plays a role and has a valid place in dating. I have to, on some level, be drawn to the physical aspects of a person in order to date them. I don't have to consider them good-looking, but I need at least some level of intrigue. We all know that people can become "better looking" if you like them, so to a point, physical attraction can grow, but I think it needs some initial seed to grow from.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

I agree with those (most?) saying "at least a little". There's gotta be Something attractive about the person's physical attributes or physical presence as a whole. And this is totally a matter of personal taste.


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## Selene (Aug 2, 2009)

The short answer is ... no. 

First of all, I am sexually attracted to the stereotypical supermodel-type female. Here's a representative sample.
http://www.estellawarrenphotos.com/photos/EstellaWarren-12.jpg
http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/pr/subs/swimsuit/images/01_jmaran_07.jpg

However, I'm not usually interested in dating these types of people. I feel...uncomfortable around them. 

There's a completely different cluster of physical appearance features, some of them the exact opposite of above, which cause me to think that a person is warm, sensitive, and approachable. (Which are the qualities I seek in a romantic partner.) It is a certain type of physical attraction, because I have a strong urge to hug, cuddle, kiss, and commune with them intimately/sensually/non-sexually. But it's emotional for the most part.

Example: I've dated a girl who I met online and got to know for 3 months before ever seeing what she looked like. When I met her in person, I wasn't really physically attracted to her at all. She didn't meet any of my (culturally constructed) standards of physical beauty. But it didn't really matter, because I knew she was an amazing person. Over time, I did start to become physically attracted to her...just because it was her.

I do infer personality from physical appearance, and I do make mistakes in this. But if I'm attracted to someone's spiritual/emotional self, then I don't care what they look like.

I'd like to think that if my girlfriend's head turned into a cantaloupe that I'd manage to maintain my warm feelings for her, even if I was less interested in cuddling. Because I mean, someday she is going to get ugly... :tongue:


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I love you, Selene. I wish more people were like you, and I hope your girlfriend appreciates how special you are. My boyfriend is also non-superficial, and the rarity of such men makes me all the more grateful for him. It is nice knowing that he wouldn't reject me for getting old and wrinkly, and would still find me just as attractive if I were disfigured in an accident. In order to feel secure in a relationship, non-superficiality is just as important to me as other necessary qualities like loyalty and honesty, and it bothers me a lot that others don't place similar value on it. In fact, I think the failure to recognize its value is my number one pet peeve, above other forms of more recognizable cruelty, and makes me angrier than almost any other topic. This is because of the negative effect superficiality has on relationships. It is a direct, but subtle, attack on authentic love, which forms the ultimate core of my internal value hierarchy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Verdant Hollow (Aug 25, 2009)

I've had a bit of an issue with this.

While I'm totally willing to date them if I'm not particularly sexually attracted to them (if they're ugly ugly, then no, but most people aren't ugly ugly), I can't take the relationship to the next level if I'm not attracted to them.

They don't have to be "attractive", I just have to be attracted to them. Being pretty helps though...

But it's with some of Ungweliante's worries I'd step into a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to.

This goes for both the physical or emotional aspect. I wouldn't pursue someone I didn't find myself pulled in both ways, but I wouldn't turn them down because of either (and possibly both).


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## Psilo (Apr 29, 2009)

Most people I encounter are faceless. I'm not a very visually orientated person. I have trouble differentiating people except by very distinct features (ie, the red headed one, the tall guy etc) until I get to know them. I also find that my perspective of how I feel about them is reflected in how they look to me.

It's not often that I become physically attracted to a person first. At most, it's a superficial aesthetic observation unrelated to wanting to date them. Those that I like enough to want to date, become physically attractive to me.


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

I don't remember calling or thinking of anyone as ugly. I do however percieve some people as lazy. If my partner appreciares and cares about me, he will groom himself for me so we can fest our eyes on each other.

But seriously i don't have high standards except with smell. Coz i find the smell of some people rather intrusive. 

my initial attraction is to much deeper things than looks, but the attitude that people take with their looks is part of their character. Once i'm smitten, he becomes totally the ultimate eye candy xD
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Physical attraction is nice, but not a total necessity. I can deal with a few extra pounds, but looking like a beached elephant seal is a no-go.


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

snail said:


> No. I feel that it is morally wrong for the aesthetics of the body to play any role at all in mate selection, and would not even consider being with someone who did not share my views on this issue, no matter how many other seemingly positive qualities he had.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's the kind of mindset that makes ugly people happen! :laughing:
On a more serious note: I couldn't care less about that kind of "morals" when it comes to selecting a mate. I have to live with her. I have to be turned on by her, and she needs to be turned on by me (yeah, sex _is_ an important part of a relationship). I'd never start a relationship with a girl I wasn't physically attracted to, even if all other factors were A-OK.
Of course, my wife and I will both grow older. Of course, one of us might get ill or have an accident. But I wanted the best possible start. My view is that all parts of the relationship need to function from the beginning if you're going to stand any chance of keeping your love intact as time goes by and things change. And things will always change - some for the better, and some for worse.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

^ Total artisan. I side mostly with snail. Sex isn't that important.


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## Blueguardian (Aug 22, 2009)

Maybe? Probably. I don't date much.... at all; probably because I look for serious relationships (with little success), and I usually know the person before that has even crossed my mind. What I can say is I am not attracted physically to someone that is, lets say....500lbs+?


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> ^ Total artisan. I side mostly with snail. Sex isn't that important.


I agree with both of you.

I think it's incredibly important to have physical attraction. 

Like.

No offense.

Just because I think someone's not attractive, shouldn't mean THEY should agree, or anyone else.

And I'm just about to be blunt dick INTP about it. Read the sig for justification if you wanna.

But fuck that shit, I'm not about to start a relationship with someone I have to look at for A HUGE PERCENTAGE OF MY WAKING LIFE and then not have them be physically pleasing for me to look at.

I mean fuck. I went couch shopping once. And I didn't buy the couch that I THOUGHT MYSELF looked ugly as shit and fucked up, even though it was comfy as fuck.

I bought the other couch. That fit well with things and was nice to look at. And was comfy as hell, too.

EDIT: But oh yea, I agree with you because yea I don't give two shits about sex really. I'm in love with my best friend Dionne. Love that bitch. But I'm NOT ATTRACTED TO GIRLS. And thus, we're good friends. And I have no intention whatsoever of taking it beyond any of that. 

That'd be like forcing myself to eat Sushi.


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> ^ Total artisan. I side mostly with snail. Sex isn't that important to me.


There, fixed it for ya. :happy:
Sex is _very_ important when it comes to bonding in a relationship. If you don't see it that way, that's just fine with me - just make sure that your partner feels the same way about sex as you do, or your relationship will be in deep trouble... :laughing:


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## Marino (Jun 26, 2009)

I cannot imagine not being physically attracted to someone I loved. I mean, if you truly love someone, they are supposed to be physically appealing to you no matter what. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. :mellow:


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Marino said:


> I cannot imagine not being physically attracted to someone I loved. I mean, if you truly love someone, they are supposed to be physically appealing to you no matter what. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. :mellow:


This is what I mean.

It's just.

This is seriously the ONLY circumstance, where it's really something I even think about.

Minus in a humorous manner.....


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## Fanille (Sep 3, 2009)

Serious question: if you're not going to have sex with someone, and you don't plan on having kids with them, then what makes your marriage/serious relationship with that person different from any other friendship?

As noble an idea as "It's what's on the inside that counts," I can't completely ignore the importance of the physical aspect. Even hard-core Catholics recognize sex as an important part of marriage.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I never said I didn't like sex, or even sexual attraction. ...just that sexual attraction doesn't have to be a visual attraction. I am sexually attracted to someone because he is wise, interesting, kind, etc. Sex can be very special with someone I love. I am also capable of being in love without having sex, but I have nothing against it. --just in case y'all thought I was a prude for not being visually oriented.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fanille (Sep 3, 2009)

snail said:


> I never said I didn't like sex, or even sexual attraction. ...just that sexual attraction doesn't have to be a visual attraction. I am sexually attracted to someone because he is wise, interesting, kind, etc. Sex can be very special with someone I love. I am also capable of being in love without having sex, but I have nothing against it. --just in case y'all thought I was a prude for not being visually oriented.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now that I think about it, people have sex with the lights out and their eyes closed, so in a way sexual attraction without visual attraction does make sense . . . certainly what you see isn't the most important part.

I wasn't targeting you specifically, but the "sex isn't that important" posts did stand out to me which was why I made the post that I did.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Okay. I didn't take it personally. Just thought I should clarify for any who were misunderstanding my position that, in fact, I LIKE SEX!  ...under the proper conditions, of course. *hides*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 1057 (Apr 9, 2009)

sunshine said:


> Physical attraction is very important in dating. However, I've found that if I am in love with someone's personality, I become attracted to their physical characteristics. Inner beauty is a strong and direct influence on my perception of outer beauty.



QFT.

if i find someone who has an awesome personality and the traits that i look for in a partner, as long as he doesn't look like sloth from the goonies, i can dig it. you associate that personality with that face.


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

MannyP said:


> people have sex with the lights out and their eyes closed


And _THAT'S_ why you should choose a partner that turns you on from the beginning. I mean: Seriously; who would actually prefer to do it in the dark? :shocked:


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## Tal (Oct 19, 2009)

It's more the inner beauty of the person that really attracts me, so even if they're not pretty in a conventional sense it's okay with me, as long as I find them attractive physically as well (it's really a combination of the two). 

Oh...and SEX IS IMPORTANT!!!

I don't buy into the party line of sex being secondary, or unimportant/less important, fuck that. 

Sex is an incredibly spiritual experience for me, and I need to be with someone who: 
1) knows their body, 
2) likes sex as much as I do, 
3) is as laid back and as natural about it as I am.

If I can't fulfill my partner that way I'm not fulfilled, which then causes all different kinds of problems in the relationship from sheer frustration.

I'm not saying it's the MOST important, but I would rank it as part of the MOST important list.

Good sex can solve a lot of problems BEFORE they even occur. Especially if you're like me and can't have sex without being close with someone. 

And everybody likes make up sex.

I haven't had make up sex in a long time though, passed that stage really. Now I have arguement sex...ha...we both go at it in the middle, causing us to be close even though we're totally pissed at eachother (it can be a bit rough during arguement sex, but hey, what's wrong with rough now and then), in turn causing us to be able to calmy talk out and solve the problem afterwards, while still sweaty and sticky and in eachothers arms. 

So just "Shut up and kiss me"


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Personally, yes. I don't understand how you could find the person you love ugly *bemused*. Damn, Ya got there first Marino...



Marino said:


> I cannot imagine not being physically attracted to someone I loved. I mean, if you truly love someone, they are supposed to be physically appealing to you no matter what. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. :mellow:


If you don't consider them beautiful, how can you ever tell them you think they're beautiful? As Juno's dad says, even on a day where they look awful, you've still gotta think the sun shines out of their ass. There's something from within, projected through their external shell; their skin reflects that self, moulds to it I find. Maybe it's my Si talking, but I also find when I don't like a person they tend to be unnattractive. A person can go from being ugly, to beautiful, to average, to lovely, to hideous in the space of a day. In the same way when I'm happy all the colours become bright, and my senses tingle, and depression takes it to a muted, far off, 2D level.


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## Soma (Oct 28, 2009)

If they don't look like they just crawled out of a garbage can then all is a go.


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## fafyrd (Nov 20, 2009)

Good question Inebriato.

For me fitness is more important than physical facial attractiveness. I like to be active and prefer to be active with my mate in activities like hiking, jogging, or going to the gym. A woman would have to (loosely) be at least of average fitness for me to be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship or else striving to improve. I've been called superficial for this on more than one occasion but nature walks, exercise, and "physical awareness", for lack of a better term, are all parts of my life that I want to share with someone. Sitting around thinking about things is great and I completely adore intellectual women but there also comes a time to put thought into motion or to simply get up, get outside and appreciate the smaller things in life that many people take for granted if they're cloistered behind the soft glow of a computer monitor or parked in a comfy couch in front of a television all the time.

The other side of the coin is that they need to be intellectual. I've dated many pretty women who I couldn't have a deep, meaningful conversation with and those relationships have always ended in failure. I may appreciate certain aspects about them such as attractiveness, fun factor, and more but not being able to express myself or have my ideas challenged or approved of in a meaningful way is pure emptiness. I may as well masturbate and then hang out with friends at a bar afterward for conversation.

I suppose I also adhere to some societal norms in regards to attire and general appearance. Too many visible tattoos, gauges, excessive jewelry, and an unkempt appearance isn't what I look for in a long term relationship. I find body art interesting in the short term though... it piques my curiosity, serves as an opener for conversation, is attractive in an unusual way but upon further conversation normally leads down a road that ends in them being a non-conformist conformist, rebel without a cause, "hot topic" fashionista. Consumerism and vacuous platitudes are a huge turn-off for me. If I found a rare authentic, original, intellectual, interesting, fit woman donned with the above I could make an exception, maybe; although creating an image to be stared at just for the sake of being stared at is rather unnerving. 

Lastly, if they have a pretty face that's a bonus not a necessity.

I'm thankful everyday for the woman I have in my profile picture, an INFJ none-the-less, with whom I can share and do so much. I'm very committed to her and very in love.


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## sunshinenfp (Oct 1, 2009)

I try not to judge too much on looks because I think that's superficial, but... attraction (physical) is important. However, as people have mentioned, I can grow in attraction to someone based on their personality and someone who is really good-looking can become kind of gross to me. 

To be honest, though, I think I am not-so-superficial because I don't want people to judge me that way. And right now, I am overweight (but working on it...). But I don't feel attractive physically. Ugh. Anyway, this is a personal issue. But I try to not judge people on standards that I cannot fulfill.


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## sunshinenfp (Oct 1, 2009)

zynthaxx said:


> I mean: Seriously; who would actually prefer to do it in the dark? :shocked:


Someone who's uncomfortable with their body.


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## Keladry (Nov 29, 2009)

Well there's a difference between you personally being attracted to someone, and thinking they are objectively good looking. If there's no attraction, the relationship will not work, it would just be like a close friendship. And in my opinion, you can break this down into physical and emotional attraction (ie physical being the nervy/excited feeling and emotional being you feeling drawn to them/wanting to be in their lives). And I'm not so sure about whether you need both of these to start off with (and this is a topic that I could talk a lot about and probably need advice on but not in this thread lol).

As to whether physical beauty is necessary for attraction-for me, it isn't really. Looks do play a part, but personality is far more important. However, I don't know if I would be attracted to someone who was really ugly-I mean I have to be able to look at them and enjoy the sight! And I don't think this is cruel or morally wrong, it would be more wrong to be with someone who you were not attracted to because you found them ugly, as they deserve to be with someone who does not see them in that way. And of course, as was said before, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

Warning: Superficiality abound.

YES. It matters. I'm a very visual person, so my potential date can't be _ugly_ by my standards. I'm not going to sugar coat it; it's the plain truth. That said, my tastes aren't specific, nor does my date need to be hot. As far as body goes, if it's not some sort of disease or medication that's causing the out-of-shapeness, my partner needs to be in shape. If he's not, I expect him to be working towards that. Eating healthily and pushing himself to exercise regularly is a must; I run about 5 miles every time and I exercise at least four times every week, and I control my calorie intake. Most people I know think I go overboard with the personal fitness thing, and I think I do as well. I'm not asking my potential partner to be as anal about this as I am, but he must be moderately active.


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## Rao (Apr 4, 2009)

Atleast a little bit, to be honest. But I don't really mind about looks as long as their not overweight or anything.


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

Yes, I have to be physically attracted to the person I am dating, as well as to their personality. Other wise, it is a no go.


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## spook (Dec 16, 2009)

Ungweliante said:


> Definitely. I would consider it morally wrong to date someone WITHOUT finding him or her physically attractive.
> 
> I would never want to be in a situation when I'd be chosen in a sort of "Well, I think you're second rate at best looks-wise, but I'm with you nonetheless since you're pretty much great" -way. I also would not do that to someone else. I would consider it cruel towards him or her, and vice versa.
> 
> I want my companion to be attracted to me both physically AND mentally. It's either that or no go.


I agree, that would be pity not not honest love, but I also empathise with what snail is saying. When does honesty lead to stubbornness and closemindedness? 

Even though beauty is relative, I do think it's sad and immoral that we are constantly bombarded with clearly influential images of "ideal, objective beauty" by the media. Not all body shapes and ethnicities are equally featured in advertising and popular culture... hardcore diets, cosmetic surgery, darker skinned people dangerously bleaching their skin, paler people fake tanning to look like oopa loompas etc, our society is focused way too much on perfecting physical appearance that we feel we are entitled to the best we can get or else we'll be doomed to shame and dissatisfaction. Some people's identities are so tied up with their physical appearance it's ridiculous. To others, a partner who finds their looks 2nd rate but personality no.1 will be godsent bc their chances of finding someone who is genuinely physically attracted to them is regrettably lower. 
Even though the dove self-esteem campaign has done some commendable mythbusting, not all of us have the resilient discernment to retain an independent sense of confidence. Young people especially are still vulnerable to internalising these deceptive images.

If anyone has seen the documentary "the science of sex appeal," apparently there is an "objective" measure for attractiveness. We all aim higher than our own attractiveness level but eventually settle for someone around our level (average person rates a 5-6/10) bc they'd be more accepting and understanding of our flaws. That may be logical and all but I hate how relativity is described in terms of a hierachy biased towards cultural-centric values, like how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would rate a 10 just bc they are conventionally gorgeous and successful. 

Facial symmetry, clear skin, tone of voice, 70% hips to waist ratio in women are apparently indications of "health" but there are a plenty of goodlooking people by "lab standards" who are physically or emotionally unhealthy... I guess that is the obvious disclaimer which was quite off topic in the documentary though. Only from an evolutionary standpoint for example, may you be looking for women with wider hips to bear kids and other indications for good genes, but I think attraction is just as much if not more about immediate gratification and personal aesthetic appeal nowadays than it is about procreation per se. imho, being physically attractive means nothing if you can't keep someone around for very long. In comparison, our animal ancestors didn't have an elaborate concept of beauty if healthy reproduction really is the most important holy grail of it all. They simply mated when signals were sent indicating they were turned on. 

I think it can be just as shallow to judge someone on personality traits too, like what's the difference between discriminating against introverts and overweight people? It becomes a touchy subject when emotionally reacting to factors we can't help. 



zynthaxx said:


> There, fixed it for ya.
> Sex is very important when it comes to bonding in a relationship. If you don't see it that way, that's just fine with me - just make sure that your partner feels the same way about sex as you do, or your relationship will be in deep trouble...


Mental/emotional sex ftw.



Kevinaswell said:


> Just because I think someone's not attractive, shouldn't mean THEY should agree, or anyone else.


+218746375237954839, it's not like we should be arrogant about our own opinions either. As much as unrequited attraction hurts, we all gotta move on and relationships aren't everything. I may not find you physically attractive, but you can still earn my respect and platonic love, which counts more friendship-wise. atm, I actually think close friendships > relationships. I just idealise equality too much as unrealistic as I know it is.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I absolutely HAVE to be physically attracted to the person I'm dating. Experience has taught me. I won't sell out anymore. It does neither of us any favors.

In fact this summer I've learned I have to be more direct when turning down certain persistent suiters. I now say "I am not physically attracted to you." A guy friend suggested that. It helps prevent the stalkers (somewhat).

Besides, excellent and passionate monkey sex forgives a multitude of sins, thereby increasing the longevity of any relationship. :tongue:


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## ThatGuy01 (Jan 8, 2010)

Yes. mmm simplicity


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## fleur de lis (Jan 8, 2010)

i won't date anyone who can't physically fluster me...... i only date sexy people..... while i still value personality and intelligence, Wit has no strong arms to hold me and Benevolence has no cheek for me to kiss.....


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## Deja Vu (Dec 26, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> I absolutely HAVE to be physically attracted to the person I'm dating. Experience has taught me. I won't sell out anymore. It does neither of us any favors.
> 
> In fact this summer I've learned I have to be more direct when turning down certain persistent suiters. I now say "I am not physically attracted to you." A guy friend suggested that. It helps prevent the stalkers (somewhat).
> 
> Besides, excellent and passionate monkey sex forgives a multitude of sins, thereby increasing the longevity of any relationship. :tongue:


Your friend was right. I know that is the best way of handling things: being straight-forward. Its hard sometimes. But it's best. 

And of course I have to think the lady is sexy. Yes, the other parts count, but why not the whole package?


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

I feel that the other person has to be somewhat physically attractive in order for me to date them. They don't have to be beautiful or anything but once I get to know them and if I like them, my mind will begin to think that they're more pretty than they may or may not appear to others. I don't know if I'm explaining it very clearly but I guess kind of like "I like this girl *a lot* and I can only see the physically positive things about her."


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## murderegina (Jan 7, 2010)

No, why would you want to date someone you're not physically attracted to? Because if you really like them, you'd be attracted to them in every aspect including physical terms. So, of course. Plus, this issue recently haunted me, I found whenever I would text or talk on the phone with a particular guy, I seemed to like him. And in person, I found his personality somewhat charming, but if he'd try to make any advances..I'd feel uncomfortable because the attraction wasn't there. Moreover, it's just human nature.


And you and me baby ain't nothin but mammals.....(just kidding!)roud:


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## polaroid sea (Dec 19, 2009)

i honestly have no preference whatsoever. my dating back-catalogue is diverse as the menu at the cheesecake factory. what i look for in a person is hard enough to find without further narrowing the search criteria by looks.


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Yes Yes Yes. It may be different for girls.


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## HandiAce (Nov 27, 2009)

I find that there are people that are *too* beautiful for me to try dating.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Somewhat, although I don't have to be totally like: "Holly shit, I think I'm going to jizz in my pants she's so sexy."


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> Somewhat, although I don't have to be totally like: "Holly shit, I think I'm going to jizz in my pants she's so sexy."


That's probably a good thing. Lol.


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## Maureen (Jan 12, 2010)

OrangeAppled said:


> It absolutely plays a role and has a valid place in dating. I have to, on some level, be drawn to the physical aspects of a person in order to date them. I don't have to consider them good-looking, but I need at least some level of intrigue. We all know that people can become "better looking" if you like them, so to a point, physical attraction can grow, but I think it needs some initial seed to grow from.


Agreed. :happy:


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## spring (Dec 19, 2009)

I appreciate the people out there who don't consider physical attraction a necessity, but unfortunately like most ENFPs I -need- my partner to be physically attractive. It doesn't mean that they need to have an attractive face, but they should keep themselves fit physically. After all, I do the same because I like being attractive (even to myself), so why shouldn't they? I can't really understand why a person would let their body fall into "disrepair" so to speak, but it does happen to people.

...I think this might have to do with ENFPs typically being really physically affectionate and idealizing. So my partner needs to be attractive enough that I can find more ways to idealize them. And they need to be attractive enough so I can constantly snuggle in their arms... Something like that, haha.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

You can snuggle with me.


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## spring (Dec 19, 2009)

Aww...  -touched- I need to find more people like you


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