# How to tell if an INTJ is interested in you.



## Anamorphique (Mar 1, 2011)

Before I begin, I must say that this is just a general run though of how an INTJ might behave in a romantic situation. This is by no means scientific. It's just the ramblings of an INTJ who has the pleasure and pain of interacting with other INTJs personally and professionally.

So how _do_ you tell if an INTJ is interested in you?

I've organised the information into stages. Not every INTJ goes through these stages, nor do they have to follow this particular order....

*Stage 1: Observation
*
When an INTJ first discovers that he/she is interested in you, his/her 1st reaction will be to draw back. This will manifest itself in different ways. He/she will treat you as if you are invisible and possibly ignore you, perhaps even to the point of rudeness. This is because feelings are confusing to the INTJ and you, as his/her object of interest, elicit feelings that the INTJ is not accustomed to dealing with. Therefore the first reaction is to take a step back and evaluate the situation, particularly these reactions that (annoyingly) the INTJ (who usually is quite collected), does not seem to have control over. Better adjusted INTJs may interact with you as they normally do. Do not be fooled by this apparent lack of interest. The INTJ is usually absorbing whatever information he/she can about you. It's what we do. If something strikes our fancy, we become experts in it. Any interaction during this stage will be awkward and stilted and you might come away with the impression that the INTJ doesn't really like you. 

So indicators at this stage are a little hard to read. So there'd be an awkward lack of interest or the INTJ will go about their regular business but will always be 'tuned in' to you and what you're saying/doing. After all, we're masters of stealth....you can't really tell when we're listening and when we aren't.



*Stage 2: Evaluation
*
In this stage, the INTJ may initiate contact. This can be either direct or indirect. You might find them spending more time around you and they might try to draw you into a conversation, ask you questions to try and get to know you, basically. Don&#8217t expect the usual drivel like: How's the weather? What d&#8217you do over the weekend?, etc.... because remember... we cannot abide small talk. Intellectual compatibly is pretty high on an INTJ's list so this is when they gauge whether you 'make the cut. INTJs choose partners just like they choose anything else.... with care. We do the research, weight the pros and cons and then make a decision.... and if the decision is negative, its fairly easy for us to move on. This is not because we are nanomorphic mimetic poly-alloy cyborgs... its because we've assessed a potential partner or relationship and have concluded that it's a waste of time.

So indicators here are, you'll find the INTJ interacting with you more than they normally would in comparison to other classmates/colleagues or acquaintances. Time is important to the INTJ, especially time alone...so if an INTJ is spending time with you rather than writing a random program or reading a complicated book, it&#8217s a sure fire way of telling he/she is interested.

*Stage 3: Action
*
When and how an INTJ will make his/her feelings known varies greatly. Some may come right out and say it (expect something more on the lines of a feasibility analysis rather than a mushy declaration of undying love) others might just find themselves &#8216falling into&#8217 a relationship. Signs that an INTJ is really interested in you is when he/she might do things that they wouldn&#8217t generally do, but that you find important. Say your band is playing at a pub, he&#8217d/she&#8217d attend even though he/she may not necessarily enjoy going to one. Bear in mind though, you sometimes might have to spell it out for the INTJ.
INTJs revel in optimising things. So an INTJ will show his/her affection by doing practical things for you.... like upgrading your comp. or mapping out the best route to work. Efficiency is something we value highly and by making things more efficient for you, is how we show we care.

So, is he/she interested?


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