# Are 2s more prone to have trust issues?



## moonlights (Sep 24, 2016)

I feel like 2s are prone to have trust issues. It's something that they seem to develop when they feel like they are played around with, treated bad or hurt. 2s often give people their all, specially if they have great interest in them, but when it's not appreciated but rather ignored, this can build feelings of resentment, something every analysis of 2s seem to emphasize, they become hurt, and they kind of build up a wall to protect themselves not to feel played with again.

Their basic fear is not being loved or needed, so it would make sense for them to trust less when people continue to make this fear more real to them. I know a guy who's a 2 and he told me his biggest fear is "love, because he doesn't want to be hurt". Are 2s maybe just skeptical?. While of course any type can be hurt and have trust issues (probably a type 7 as well?) I just came to the conclusion that trust issues are something that can come easily to a 2, I might be wrong, but I came to this conclusion by observing. I would like to discuss this and see what's your point of view and your thoughts about this


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

I think they might, but won't so often admit it. I recently sent my 2 friend a ... thing... that gives advice on parenting & enneagram (her kid is such a 1). But it covered all the types. The first piece of advice for parenting a 2 was "let them know they are loved for who they are, not what they do for you". She immediately started tearing up and said she couldn't even read more because it resonated so well with her, growing up as well as now, and that it made it hard for her to trust anyone. 

I think that 2s at least often struggle with resentment for people not appreciating them, or bending over backwards for them the way they perceive themselves as doing for others (even when no one asked them to). Their resentment can easily turn to distrust, especially after they feel "burned" enough times. I know this friend struggles with questions like, "how could my ex) partner turn out to be so mean and dishonest? I did everything to try to make them feel happy and loved..." 

They become skeptical when they start to see that their easiest mechanisms of gaining favor backfire rather than actually helping them obtain the solid, honest, reciprocal foundation they crave. But they also don't realize they don't really give people too much of a chance to be honest with them because any indication that something is "wrong" and the two will go into false over-abundance, overbearing problem-solver, and hyper-"positivity" (denial) mode. Sooo. They don't realize they're also largely to blame for creating one-way relationships. All they know is that they keep getting hurt but don't see their part in the dysfunction.

*currently exasperated at this 2 tendency if you couldn't tell*


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## psyche (Jan 5, 2011)

My mom is a 2...2w1 sp/sx specifically if you're interested...and I have never known someone with such intense trust issues in my life. The thing is, though...I don't know if I can chalk it up to type exactly because she was raised by an alcoholic mother, and that's going to give a person of any type trust issues, most likely.

The main thing that really bothers me about descriptions of type 2 is that there is not enough emphasis on the father figure... With the other compliant types...1 and 6...there is enough so that you know it's an issue, but there's almost nothing (or nothing at all) in 2 descriptions. But in my experience they have just as many issues with the father figure as the other compliant types... 1s are looking for structure, discipline, etc. and compensate for what the father didn't provide in this area with a self-made set of rules, guidelines, ideals, etc. in their own heads to comply with. 6s are looking for support, guidance, protection, etc. for defense against the external world, and in compensation look to people, belief systems, etc. to comply with. You see both of those descriptions for 1s and 6s generally speaking, but what does anyone ever say about 2s? I'm not even sure what to say... I guess there is this over-identification with the nurturing figure...the 2 themselves embody nurturing, empathy, service, etc...and all those qualities that are more stereotypical of the protective figure are repressed; eg, strength, aggression, protection, etc. The 2 looks for a protective figure to serve in order to be given protective love in return, but if the protective figure was lacking in this area the 2 may easily feel deprived in relationships later in life. In my mom's case she took care of her younger sisters as the eldest like a nurturing figure while her actual mother was never available, and her father was never available because he was always gone for work as a pilot. I guess if she were a 1 she might say about someone she came to distrust that, "This person consistently behaves inappropriately," if she were a 6 she might say, "This person is not trustworthy," but my mom has tended to flat out say, "I don't trust anyone." Lana Del Rey is a 2 and she has "trust no one" tattooed on her hand. For 2s there seems to be a certain resolve to them when they feel distrustful, it's like a worldview more than a focus on a particular individual, I guess. It's pretty memorable, to put it mildly... 2 is a shame type, maybe there is a mentality like, "I am not good enough, therefore no one could be good to me." It's just speculation though, I'm not a 2 myself...as always don't mean to be presumptuous, just wondering aloud honestly.


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## warxzawa (Aug 19, 2016)

my mum is also a 2w1, and i've never met a more needy person in my life (she just will never say it). she needs your constant approbation and prove of your trust (eg: she will ask you for something absurd and if you won't tell her she won't talk to you, or even look at you for the next two days, or something incredibly childish like that) 
this thing that you said "2s often give people their all, specially if they have great interest in them, but when it's not appreciated but rather ignored, this can build feelings of resentment" it could perfectly be a description of her, she once said it is because of her emotionally distant father. my brother is a wing 2, but i can also see some hints of these behaviors on him, especially when it's regarding me (the same way my mother does)
i think with 2s is all or nothing, either they have a huge wall that never ends or they are needy and sticky af


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## psyche (Jan 5, 2011)

I have a copy of Jennifer Love Hewitt's book The Day I Shot Cupid, I think she is a 2w3 and she has a bit in the book where she says some things about trust, I thought it was interesting...



> Have you ever really looked at the word *trust*? I mean, we've all talked about it, had it, not had it, given it and been sorry, or wanted to be able to give it so badly, but have been so haunted by the ghosts of the past that we couldn't. But have we really looked at it? I did today, for the first time. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and studied it like the Da Vinci code, and there it was, right there in the middle of this simple five-letter word. The answer we all seek, but can't or don't want to see, in the middle of the word *trust* is the word *us*. Yeah, makes blaming your issues on someone else kind of difficult.
> 
> Maybe finding trust is so hard because it's not about looking at another person. Maybe it's about looking at ourselves. When things get tough and scary, can you be trusted not to run? When you feel insecure or threatened and have had your trust tested and it failed, will you be able to trust or will you live in fear of being hurt again? Can you be trusted to live by the same rules you ask others to live by? Can you be trusted with someone's heart? It suddenly all becomes clearer. First we have to trust ourselves. And if we can be trusted (with someone's heart), if we can trust (another person), and, most important, trust (in ourselves), then we will always be okay.
> 
> Really finding the ability to trust is the hardest thing to do. I'm still working on this one. Because when it's broken, it feels like something inside you dies. But someone is worth all you have to give. Take a long look at yourself. Trust yourself and then trust others. Everything will be okay...trust me.


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

As a Two...I don't associate it with my type? I'd imagine it has more to do with head fix, idk

I don't think I have issues with trust, on the whole it's a confusing topic for me though. Wrote this in a story a while back, sums up my thoughts on the matter:

_“Is that what you think of me?”

She hesitated. “I think that if you ever decided to go to Hell, you would not take the slow train there.”

I nodded and paused. “Constance? Do you trust me?”

“Trust you?” She blinked back from me, offended. “I’ll tell you – what is this trust business? It is agreeing upon a lie. It is saying – ‘I will love you until this line is crossed’. It is pretending that people possess only the best half of their nature, or that they will always act as they have in the past. How can you trust anyone to do anything or be anything, when you can not know anyone fully until you have stood at the edge of the earth with them? Well, I would go to the edge of the earth with you. You and no one else. And I do not trust you. Tell me what that means against your trust.”_

Posted this last year and someone said it sounded bitter - actually it's not, it's exactly what it says.

I don't want to hear that someone trusts me. That's a boundary, that's 'I'm only going to let you be the person I think you are, I don't expect anything bad from you, I don't believe in your dark side'. 

And it's never something I think - 'oh, I trust this person'. I don't even know what that means by itself. I feel safe with someone? But I feel safe with everyone, I don't live a dangerous life...I know you won't break my heart? But you can't know that. If anything that is trusting your heart...I trust you to do everything I expect of you? But that's just an imaginary person.

I get annoyed when I see quotes like 'You have to trust someone to be friends with them' because...there are people who really can't be trusted with anything, I think they can have true friendship, even if you make all the wrong choices, every time, there can still be a bond. Trusting someone to fail is just as bad though

If I love someone enough, if I have faith in - that love, more than anything - then I'll invest myself in them, entrust myself to them, which means: if this ship goes down I'm going down with it, because I'd rather be at the bottom of the sea with you than afloat without you - wherever you're going, I'm going too. That is - I'm loyal to God first and foremost, I will not let another person drag me to hell - but you get me. Loving someone enough that they are worth the risk - maybe that is trust - but to me 'I trust you' means pretending that the risk isn't there.

As for type...Two is between Eight and Four...the dangerous and the broken (no offense to these types). But two types that really make up the classic 'dark side', the violence, savagery, and truth of Eight, the self-centeredness, tenebrity, rawness of Four - between them Two wears this gilded mask, but has these monsters held behind their back - and of course wants to be loved and even adored without the mask. Which I think causes a few potential 'trust issues' 

1. Two is in a position to not underestimate the dark side of human nature, understands that it is there (compared to for instance some Nines who tend to repress that knowledge)
2. Two wants nothing more than for people to love the monsters, but learns that giving others a glimpse of them makes them withdraw their love - causing trust issues as in 'I can't really open up to you, you'll leave me when you see what's behind the mask'
3. Two is yes a positive, reframing image type but is between truth-seeking Eight and reality-seeking Four, might just not be so keen on the platitudes (obviously some Twos are in love with them though) 

Had another in mind but can't remember it, that's where I see trust coming in for Two, from my perspective

I'd also say - Two tends to set up the invisible bargains that other people often don't even understand, think a lot of times they feel like a little kid, "No, you were supposed to say [whatever]", actually it's a constant theme with Taylor Swift - "I thought I had you figured out!" "If this was a movie you'd be here by now" can't remember other examples and it's kinda Si-dom-ish with her too but yeah

But I'd guess Six fix causes more trust issues than any other single factor except experience haha, all the gut types seem to have something about it too, maybe more about people not living up to expectations










(I know Jack Sparrow is a 7 haha, I just like this quote)


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

The Night's Queen said:


> As a Two...I don't associate it with my type? I'd imagine it has more to do with head fix, idk
> 
> I don't think I have issues with trust, on the whole it's a confusing topic for me though. Wrote this in a story a while back, sums up my thoughts on the matter:
> 
> ...


I loved your whole answer, ... amazing really.

I do think that trust is an overly-expected scenario. It can come out in expectations of being present (anger), being carefully heartfelt (desire), and being rational (fear). So each core emotion has trust issues related to their needs.

As 2s are a heart type, I think the OP was merely expressing their core and saying really, 'Is it hard to trust others with your sensitive heart?' This represents the almost precarious 2 over-expression of desire in the direction of presence. That means more than anything they need reassurance RIGHT NOW that you care about their being with you. The trouble comes in when, like all possible relationships, either the feelings are indeed not returned (for whatever reason), OR ... that RIGHT NOW is not a priority of the person who the 2 needs expression from. Don't get me wrong, the RIGHT NOW part is a building issue as well through a succession of RIGHT NOWs, but, I think with the 2, the urgency is there quite a bit. This is the reason 2s seem more fiery and angry than they do truly fearful. The fear is decidedly secondary with them. I love this about 2 and as an 8, if I 'feel' a 2 in someone, I know, I can probably hug them or respectfully touch without incident. Their present mind includes the risk of touch. I hate having to be awkward around head types and often their nervousness is catching and I just have to back away if they cannot be present or be talked into being present.


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## moonlights (Sep 24, 2016)

Honestly all of your answers seem really insightful guys! Thanks for the input! I could agree in a lot of the stuff that's been said. It seems like childhood has a great impact on the future when it comes to trust issues, but maybe parents don't really have much to do with the trust issues that can bloom on later life? After all parents care and love their children a lot, they do their best. Maybe it's the friendships what makes a child be more or less skeptical of people, and 2s give more than they take even as children (I know I did), so they could also be taken advantage of, building that very resentment later on life. Of course, if the parent doesn't respect children's feelings, or needs of affection, this could backfire eventually into daddy issues I believe? (I've read sexual 2s embody the archetype of those, so it could be the case) but that's different to trust issues in a way I guess.

I do agree on the whole "whole world-view rather than specific individual" mindset, it's interesting, although I don't think I could point out what exactly causes 2 to think that way, it certainly caught my attention. If that's true with Lana Del Rey, it only emphasizes that fact about 2s even more. Lana focuses on relationships quite a lot, at least judging by her lyrics, is she in fear that she can't trust anyone but a loved one? She does talk a lot about taking care of and her fear of abandon. The problem is that love isn't ever a certain thing, it's rather ephemeral, and if 2s focus entirely on it to feel happy, they will _always_ end up hurt. As for Taylor Swift, I am not totally sure of her being a 2, looks more like a 3, but using these lyrics as references, she might have the same problem as Lana. 

_"I am not good enough, therefore no one could be good to me."_ Wouldn't this be more of a 4 kind of thought? Not totally sure, but it sounds like 4s might have a bigger deal opening up to people in fear they will be rejected for who they are (not good enough?), while 2s have a bigger deal trusting people they open up with (Specially after they see their affection and care isn't appreciated)

I do think it's hard for 2s to trust people when they have a sensitive heart, as seen in all the examples given in this thread, I believe it's hard for them to start trusting people again once they are hurt, some seem to put a lot of effort in changing this, while others seem to want to deep down, but they build up a defense in order not to be hurt just in case. Maybe this encourages a princess-like behavior? As in, they know their problems and are aware of them, but they seem to expect others to "rescue" them in a way, if this doesn't sound too bizarre? I don't know if I could agree in the whole "fiery and angry" thing, maybe just depending on the situation, maybe that's how they feel, deep inside, but they don't seem to show this outwards to the people, they come off as more sweet and caring, even when they are angry (they seem to hide their anger though) At least this is the way I see it on others.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

The 4 is more the one that tends to be waiting on a rescuer although all heart types (and one might argue most females - sorry) are 'waiting' like this. I've known more than a few males with this hope attitude as well though. 

The 2 has issues with the core of sacrifice being then worthy of <whatever>. As a result 2s develop entitlement issues and then they mistakenly often decry not having their self-entitled desires as ... lack of trust in others. This is often an issue with 2s, over indulgence. Often 2s seem to want to be freed of their desires by control from others, eg Gwen Stefani, 'I'm just a Girl'. They numb down with comfort items and this is very often ... food. Type 2 is perhaps the worst of all overeaters. They are only matched by the odd food addicted comfort-seeking of the type 9 who has avoided other addictions by luck or discipline. 

A 2 that hides anger is most likely 3 wing and that means they are just better at image-consciousness ways of delivering their stance. There are 4s that are mistyped 2s, but, that is far rarer than the other way around.


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## moonlights (Sep 24, 2016)

Yeah that might be true, heart types are pretty sensitive and I don't think they like taking risks too much (as say a 7 or 8 would). So waiting is just a safer choice. I guess they just overthink too much about the possible consequences, or something blocking their desires, but 3s definitely don't do much "waiting", at least they are the least likely to when it comes to heart types.

What you said makes a lot of sense actually! Reminds me of the Harley Quinn situation, she's a 2 (an unhealthy one, of course) and she is all over the Joker, even though it's highly toxic for her, maybe she does like being controlled after all. Control temporarily frees the 2s of their desire, some may even connect being controlled to being needed or loved (again, I don't think it's healthy, but some definitely do) but then reality hits in, they realize it's no good for them and stop giving so much, they hold back in the future before giving too much again because they don't want to fall in this situation for a second time.

Yes, those are probably 3 wing, but even then, I don't think they can hide behind an image forever, if someone sticks by them long enough, there'll come a time where their image will break. They need to know that people who really care about them, will accept them at their best and their worst.


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