# Is comparing ourselves to others bad for us?



## doublejm1 (Sep 2, 2012)

I stumbled upon an article -- Mental Health News: Comparing Ourselves to Others is Bad for Our Mental Health -- which argues that comparing ourselves to others can actually be bad for our health.

I understand it can be detrimental if we're comparing ourselves to what society deems as flawless (supermodels, etc.), but what if we're comparing ourselves to, say, high school dropouts?

I guess the gist of the article is that you should be happy with yourself and refrain from comparing yourself to other individuals. Noble, but let's face it -- we all do it at one point or another.


----------



## anon1234 (May 15, 2013)

I think comparing yourself to others is natural and normal. We are social creatures. I think irrational standards and unhealthy mindsets are the problem. I think incentivizing greed and glorifying destructive behaviors is the problem. Comparing yourself to others is not bad if the standards and mindsets are healthy.

Human systems and fields are all based on comparing people. Finding patterns and associations with different variables and outcomes both qualitatively and quantitatively.


----------



## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Yes, comparing yourself to other people is in fact an unhealthy pastime.


----------



## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

I'm not so sure it's unhealthy in all circumstances. I guess it depends. When I started gaining weight on the prednisolone I'm on I started to feel like a ridiculously large person. The doctor said I was actually around a normal weight but all my life prior I had been exceptionally thin. Whenever I need to confirm what the doctor says about being 'normal' is to leave the house and look at other average sized people. The feeling of carrying extra weight around isn't much fun but the reminder stops me from feeling like everyone else is poking fun at how large I am.

I guess this would apply to those who are ridiculously hard on themselves with what they endevour to do too. When they realise that they can't reach the ridiculously high standards they set for themselves they can always look around and say well, I'm not as bad as what I thought.


----------



## sarek (May 20, 2010)

Comparing yourself to another is the dumbest thing you can do. Their road in life is not yours. Why would you want to compare your running with a marathon runner, when you have more skills to be a chess player?


----------



## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

Isn't it natural to compare yourself to others? Some people take competition better than others, maybe.


----------



## JustBob31459 (Apr 7, 2014)

Yes and no
socially comparing yourself to the norm as a way to determine if you go astray or not is not that bad; as long as you value your individuality higher.

Towards achievements and such; only compare yourself to your goals.


----------



## Euclid (Mar 20, 2014)

The truth lies somewhere in between, and neither extremes are healthy.
We are social creatures, and fare better when working together than alone. As such compromises are needed. We must compete and therefore also compare us with others to remain relevant to the needs of others in society. At the same time, society can be unhealthy for the individuals, if it does not respect them. It's all about balance.

I only read the first two paragraphs of the article and stopped reading. It's a waste of my time, and yours. Anyone with a couple of braincells intact should know what the function of "negative feelings" are.


----------



## lightsandloudnoises (Mar 16, 2014)

It's unavoidable, everyone does it, and I think it equally makes everyone that does it ultimately miserable. It serves your ego. You look at others who are "below you" or in your perspective morally corrupt people to give a short lasting shallow good feeling, a sense of egoistic self worth because you're "above" them. Equally your ego looks to people who are "above" you morally, materially, socially and aesthetically and makes you think "I can be/I am just like them". This leads to three things;
1. Feeling miserable because you don't measure up.
2. Spending money on consumerist shit you may or may not really need.
3. Genuine self improvement. Because the ego is there for a reason after all.

The problem is the ego is never satisfied and will always want more. It's ultimately not going to make you happy or fulfilled. 

If you get your self worth from social hierarchy or whatever, you're doing it wrong, and it's time to start looking elsewhere.


----------



## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

It's a recipe for unhappiness if you're constantly looking at what your neighbor has that you don't. Might not be a bad idea to take a peek from time to time and it's a great idea to get feedback from others, but eventually you have to learn how to be happy with what you have or you'll spend your life wanting what is just out of your reach.

Look at some of the more remote places for example. If you look at children in those areas, since that's all they've ever known they are running around, playing, and are very happy with life even though they may just have a simple hut with everyone living in one room. Only until they are exposed to more affluent populations do they even realize they might be missing out on something, and suddenly they can become unhappy because they don't have what others have.

Best thing I've found is to actively list out those things that you have to be thankful for rather than looking at what you feel like you need to gain to be happy. Friends, family, health, food, shelter, most of us have those things.


----------



## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

depends on why you're comparing yourself to others. not everyone making comparisons between oneself and others is doing so as a means to measure one's self worth. for example
- comparing yourself to role models is one of the ways we grow
- comparing yourself to your enemy is necessary in order to cover your weaknesses and exploit theirs. 
- in general, comparing yourself to others can be a great way to come up with new ideas

as long as you have unconditional self esteem and evaluate what you can _realistically_ do to improve yourself, I don't think comparing yourself to others is really all that bad.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Depends on the context, and how its making you feel.


----------



## Naacal (Apr 2, 2014)

First of all, what's the point in comparing yourself to others?


----------



## Winters (Apr 7, 2014)

Depends, comparing your self with another person can help motivation. Specially aspiring to be more like that person (work ethics).

In the gym compering you self to a steroided bodybuilder will not help.
I have been very much into gym, the problem is I started have body dysmorphia basically. 
For example my arms is like 45cm at the moment but if i look at a girls arms they look same size as mine. When you get to that point it is very bad. That only starts happening when you take comparing to a unhealthy level.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I see no benefit from judging/measuring myself through comparison or delusion.


----------



## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

It's natural instinct to compare yourself to others. 
"Oh, this woman I'm talking to, she looks nothing like me, and appears to be of Italian descent, and I'm of Polish descent."

Doing it as an obsession isn't good. 
"I've been trying to tan and dye my hair and botox everything so I can look like my idol Kim Kardashian! What a great role model I wanna grow up to be just like her and all her swag yolo..."

This post makes me hate myself. I heard a girl say that, and I hate the fact that I was able to hear it. 



Basically, it's unhealthy to put others above or beneath you by putting them on a pedestal or putting yourself on a pedestal. If you put yourself there, you see yourself as better than others and make yourself more ignorant of what you can learn from other people. At the same time, putting someone else on a pedestal is putting them at unrealistic expectations and you trying to do everything that they do because you think it's the right thing to do is just as unhealthy, also shutting yourself out of what you can learn from others.


----------



## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

I've actually though about this a little more and come to the conclusion that it's probably something that you can't actually avoid. Since our development from infancy to adulthood relies heavily on mimicking and vicarious learning then we simply have to compare ourselves to others in order to get to learn language, morality and socialisation. The idea of the 'looking glass self' sprang to mind as an example of how we need to learn our own identity through looking at others and how they perceive us. 

That said, there are boundaries and balances that have already been talked about in this thread.


----------



## doublejm1 (Sep 2, 2012)

bethdeth said:


> I'm not so sure it's unhealthy in all circumstances. I guess it depends. When I started gaining weight on the prednisolone I'm on I started to feel like a ridiculously large person. The doctor said I was actually around a normal weight but all my life prior I had been exceptionally thin. Whenever I need to confirm what the doctor says about being 'normal' is to leave the house and look at other average sized people. The feeling of carrying extra weight around isn't much fun but the reminder stops me from feeling like everyone else is poking fun at how large I am.
> 
> I guess this would apply to those who are ridiculously hard on themselves with what they endevour to do too. When they realise that they can't reach the ridiculously high standards they set for themselves they can always look around and say well, I'm not as bad as what I thought.


Good points.


----------



## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

sarek said:


> Comparing yourself to another is the dumbest thing you can do. Their road in life is not yours. Why would you want to compare your running with a marathon runner, when you have more skills to be a chess player?


Albert Einstein said this: "If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." 

I think that's honestly the general theme of this thread. Not everybody can be the best at everything, except for maybe me  But seriously... there is only one *you* walking around this earth. So why would you try being a duplicate of somebody else? Find what you're good at, what you love, what you like, what works for you  There is no sense in comparing yourself to others unless you're drawing healthy inspiration from it. And there is a difference between healthy inspiration and being "inspired" to do something because you feel lesser than/not equal to somebody else.


----------



## SouthernSaxon (Feb 21, 2014)

doublejm1 said:


> I stumbled upon an article -- Mental Health News: Comparing Ourselves to Others is Bad for Our Mental Health -- which argues that comparing ourselves to others can actually be bad for our health.
> 
> I understand it can be detrimental if we're comparing ourselves to what society deems as flawless (supermodels, etc.), but what if we're comparing ourselves to, say, high school dropouts?
> 
> I guess the gist of the article is that you should be happy with yourself and refrain from comparing yourself to other individuals. Noble, but let's face it -- we all do it at one point or another.


Since the 90s, a movement called political correctness has emerged, basically telling people that it's perfectly alright to be themselves, we're all just as good as each other and anyone who disagree is a bigot.

This has had an obviously negative effect on our physical health, people are saying that if i judge someone for being fat and bloated, I care too much about "looks". Clearly the mental health of such people has been affected severely as well.

Your success is partly determined by your genetics and connections, as the left loves to point out, but a substantial part of it has to do with the degree of your drive to succeed, to want to be better than your peers and have control of your own destiny. Competitive people, though they may have elements of neuroticism, perform better. We are creating a culture that discourages this and worships the losers, who previously would've been swallowed up.

Unless you've achieved all your main goals in life, then obviously, you have not fulfilled your desired purpose. Adjustments are required. "Just be yourself" is the philosophy of the feeble minded and those who want to bring everyone down to their level. _Be strong_!


----------

