# What is Love?



## CherryBl0550m (Aug 7, 2014)

(♫ Baby don't hurt me... ♫)

What is love? How would you define it?

Personally, I have trouble seeing love as more than just biological and psychological compatibility but I know that most people have their own views on the matter. I was wondering how the NFs' definition of love might differ from the NTs'. Is our understanding of love something that is primarily affected by our F/T or is it something we learn through experiences?

So what do you believe love is?

--
I posted the same question in the NF Forum here.


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## Agelastos (Jun 1, 2014)

I think how a person defines love depends more on cultural, religious, and (to a lesser extent) socio-economical background.

The concept of 'romantic love' (or 'true love', as it's so often called these days) was more or less invented (or, at the very least, popularized) by troubadours in medieval Europe (cf. 'chivalric romance' and 'courtly love'), and that ideal has continued to be promoted in the Western world through fiction (romance novels, Hollywood films, etc.) ever since. 

Due to cultural bias, we have a tendency to look down on arranged marriages because they're not "based on true love". But what the hell is 'true love', anyway? Limerence? That kind of passion is fleeting, and is hardly enough to base a lifelong commitment on. 

And this modern idea, which Hollywood seems to be so damn fond of, that there is "only one true love out there for each person"? People who actually believe that to be true are not only naïve but self-destructive.


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## moltobene (Feb 16, 2014)

Crack a joke and people laugh: the joke is funny. Crack three: *you* are funny.

Piss somebody off: you blew it that time. Piss somebody off three times: *You* are trash.

Love is the same: a generalization you make when you introspect and transfer value from situations to BEING.

It is a judgement you embrace about the person you embrace without judgement (too corny?).


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

It's a state of mind, with certain biological and physiological mechanisms. I'd say it's not as people-focused as we tend to think. If someone "loves" their career it probably looks the same by physical measures if they "love" their spouse. 

fwiw, same thing goes for sex and eating donuts or compulsively checking social networking sites. :tongue:

Also, this.


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## Seravasvu (Jun 17, 2013)

Love (platonic) is an emotion ''designed'' by evolution to keep people together, so they have a better chance of surviving and reproducing. Love (romantic) is a part of the human mate selection system. Feeling this type of love is indicative of genetic compatibility with the person causing the feeling.

Platonic love is one of the things that kept cavemen in the same group for long periods of time. 
When people stay in the same group for a long time, the group develops their own habits. 
When new people enter the group, they conform to the group's habits while spreading their own habits in the group. This is how culture gets formed.

There is nothing mystic about love, it is not superior to other feelings. The universe is not love. ''God'' is not love.


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## O_o (Oct 22, 2011)

When I read this question, the love between two people didn't even pop into mind until I continued to read replies. 

I think of love as a feeling of respect, leading to inspiration and will to pursue. I see it as something put up on a pedestal of sorts, something that doesn't fail to soothe or energize. The first thing I thought of were my musical instruments and certain topics which constantly bring me pleasure to learn/hear about


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## 777akm (Sep 18, 2014)

_"Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!"_ :happy:

Supposedly there's only 2 emotions - love and fear - and all feelings go back to either one or the other emotion. The goal would be to seek a state where non of the feelings go back to fear. That love there is the energy which creates worlds.

Love is accepting everything and everyone (starting with yourself) as it is / they are. It's possible to put "unconditional" in front of it but I think there's no need because in that case it's simply not love anymore but some sort of other thing. Took me a while to see it like this. My dogs never cared about my titles/salary/cars... and even if I was moody and didn't even like myself they always saw past that. Might sound controversial coming from me because I do always want to improve myself and others but I think the wish to improve doesn't automatically equal with disapproval, so there, that's where I landed after analyzing love from every angle. 

_"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less." - Will Moss_


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## Climhazzard (Sep 29, 2014)

Love is a three ring circus:

the engagement ring
the wedding ring
the suffering


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## Starless Ubiquity (Sep 24, 2014)

The only thing I don't believe I can fully control. 
I have a love-hate relationship with love.


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## Climhazzard (Sep 29, 2014)

Starless Ubiquity said:


> The only thing I don't believe I can fully control.
> I have a love-hate relationship with love.


While thinkers are not entirely immune to emotion, and susceptibility as such could be considered to be directly proportional to how far you sit on the 'T/F' side of the fence.
As a fairly logical creature, I also have a love/hate relationship with love - and I'm not speaking on the premise that sometimes I HATE love, but more so the fact that I want to grab love by its nonexistent neck and wring the living shit out of it. While a thinker NEEDS a healthy amount of emotion, I often discredit feelers based on the fact that they are prone to making emotional decisions rather than logical ones.
I hope that I'm not coming off like a dick, but I like to dismiss/discredit feelers, and while thinkers and feelers are supposedly equal, I personally disagree. It has been my experience by observation that using emotion as a guiding factor on making real-world decisions or taking action is inherently a flawed and irrational approach. I go so far as to avoid saying that "I feel that X should be this way", choosing instead "I believe that X should be this way".
If you want a good example of how feelers can completely fuck something up, go no further than American politics...

That was a bit ranty (sorry), but love... I'm right there with you. It's great but it can also piss me off.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

To me, love is an action verb only and not a feeling. To "love" someone is to put their needs before your own.

The idea of "romantic love" only came into being during the Shakespearean Era, when many popular novels and plays began perpetuating the stupid idea of star-crossed lovers. Before then it was understood that the feeling you get with butterflies in your stomach is called "attraction." It has no magical connotation and does nothing other than make you take an interest in a person.

Sometimes when you're very lucky, you feel attracted to a person who shares a lot in common with you. This is also not love. This is what we call "mutual attraction." *Real love has nothing to do with what you want.*


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## jim87 (Apr 17, 2014)

CherryBl0550m said:


> (♫ Baby don't hurt me... ♫)
> 
> What is love? How would you define it?
> 
> ...


Not to sound sexist, but why am I not surprised that a woman asked this question?


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

I'm not much good at this lovey-dovey stuff, and doubly not when I am not sober. I cannot think of the words at all. I get this bizarre collage of snuggling and somehow being on the same page with someone else, shared goals.... and trust, of course. The ultimate rare commodity.

Oh, and cats. Cats are always nice.

Anyhow, I'll post a link to a video. You know, from back BEFORE all the trash on the radio started sounding the same, usually overgrown mama's boys bitching about how they can't get their act together, or girls bitching about how the overgrown mama's boy they are sexually involved with can't get his act together? Rofl. 

Yes, I'm fully aware that to those of you in your teens or 20's, I probably sound like an old fuck re: my critique of modern music. Live to be 38, and you will probably think things like this too, so hush.


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## CherryBl0550m (Aug 7, 2014)

jim87 said:


> Not to sound sexist, but why am I not surprised that a woman asked this question?


Not to sound feminist, but that is because it is generally not socially acceptable for men to express emotions or thoughts such as this. I mean, asking about "love" really isn't "masculine" now, is it?


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## Koboremi (Sep 8, 2013)

Don Draper invented it to sell nylons.


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## jim87 (Apr 17, 2014)

CherryBl0550m said:


> Not to sound feminist, but that is because it is generally not socially acceptable for men to express emotions or thoughts such as this. I mean, asking about "love" really isn't "masculine" now, is it?


Very good point....not to ask or even really talk so much about...I have to admit in my life it has always been a confusing and exasperating subject.


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## intpisces (Sep 15, 2014)

At this point in my life I believe "Love" is the selfish act of wanting to see yourself in someone else (pun intended) or, a "reflection" and wanting to have your own personal,emotional needs met; Whatever they may be. As discussed, I do believe there are different types of love and everyone views it differently. But if I were asked this question again a year from now, my answer may be different.. I'll keep you posted.


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## milkshake (Oct 9, 2014)

Love is caring about other person.
Love is hope.
Love is an idea.

When we fall in love, it's just an illusion. It's an emotional state (falling in love).
Being ''in love'' is admiring the idea you have for another person. But that is not true love.
Love itself, true love, can be found in friends, family also.


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## rocklee (Oct 9, 2014)

Seravasvu said:


> Love (platonic) is an emotion ''designed'' by evolution to keep people together, so they have a better chance of surviving and reproducing. Love (romantic) is a part of the human mate selection system. Feeling this type of love is indicative of genetic compatibility with the person causing the feeling.
> 
> Platonic love is one of the things that kept cavemen in the same group for long periods of time.
> When people stay in the same group for a long time, the group develops their own habits.
> ...


This is a very neat explanation! I love the clarity and objectiveness in it.


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## rocklee (Oct 9, 2014)

CherryBl0550m said:


> Not to sound feminist, but that is because it is generally not socially acceptable for men to express emotions or thoughts such as this. I mean, asking about "love" really isn't "masculine" now, is it?


(snaps fingers)

love this!


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## MissAverage (Aug 7, 2014)

To me love is a *choice. * The concept of falling in and out of love are foreign concepts because loving another person has always been a cognitive endevour for me. It starts in my mind then I feel it with my heart. Maybe thats why I bounce back quickly after a relationship ends...and it would also explain why I am able to love so uncinditionally--because it is a choice. Love has nothing to do with feelings. Love is selfless adoration and deeply caring for another person and putting their needs above or equal to your own. I express love through loyalty and affection. When I love some one they _know _​it. If theres one thing I know how to do right, it's love. People think love is a fleeting emotion and I dont think that way.


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## chocylate (Jan 27, 2013)

I define it as either affection coupled with actually giving a shit about said reciepent of affection or you know, BRAIN CHEMICALS:crazy:


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## Abraxas (May 28, 2011)

This is the meaning of love,
That consciously or unconsciously
We make ourselves vulnerable
To the free expression of another spirit;


So that we shake the depths of our own
being, and the false can be distinguished
from the true, so that the shadow within us
can become a part of our knowledge of
ourselves.


For the revelation of what we are
Does not come from introspection.
Our shadow is inscrutable
To the astigmatism of consciousness.


It needs rather the free play of the other
tune singing with and against our own,
And the greater the depth of our
vulnerability, the greater the possibility of
self-realization.


When the other's freedom hurts us too
much, and we run in fear from the one we
love, we forfeit the ground of our own
being, and lose the tenuous thread of our
transcendence.


To ask that love not hurt us, and to
Withdraw from the encounters that stretch
our being, succeeds in avoiding, not the
pains of life, but only the gift of
surmounting them.


We climb through the impetus of our
suffering, for dying is the transfiguration of
the living, and this can as easily take place in
this plane as on the next.

_"Love" - by, Kenneth Telford, 1978._


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## knife (Jul 10, 2013)

When I fell in love with @Queen Qualia -- and realized that was what I had done, @Karma flat-out _told_ me that my heart had made a choice.

Something wild and beyond my control. Scary and exhilarating. A moment when a world of possibility contracted into a single certainty. There was something deeply scared and profound in it.

When that happens, do you really have a choice but to follow your heart? And how often does that happen? That was the _only_ time in my life I felt that ... A rush, a surge, an utter certainty.


Kitty Sith Lord


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## LaughingIsaac (Oct 29, 2014)

I think love is a chemical process that attaches you to someone so that you can move past the revulsion of sex or intimacy or commitment. That said, I genuinely *love* my friends, and describe it as such. I only have a real problem applying it to romantic relationships as I find those far motivated by more superficial things.


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## kiwig0ld (Nov 7, 2010)

Love is knowing that the object or idea(it just doesn't have to be concrete) has value greater than monetary.


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## _Timshel (Sep 1, 2014)

A full cup of coffee.


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## nthpower (Nov 30, 2014)

Love is the longing of the less complete for the more complete. - paraphrased from Aristotle


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## Xix (Sep 20, 2014)

Love is knowing you have the absolute trust of another and you are worthy of it.


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## Croaker (Nov 5, 2014)

I think love is a grouping of more than one person into which every member of said group pours resources and energy without tally or concern for the commitment of the others. They can do this because chemicals have convinced them that their unity is total within the limits of human life. The therapy enthusiast in me says individual identity is critical and I don't think this grouping, love, is incompatible with that. It's just one of those 'whole is greater than the sum of its parts' things.
Love for a mate can create a family.
Love for your people can build a nation.
Maybe one day enough people will love humanity and we'll see what that looks like.


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## Vayne (Nov 6, 2014)

Love is a verb. We can love people without being pre-attached to them.

Love is an emotion. Induced by kindness of other people. Let me explain a bit. It's an emotion when someone who have a certain complex background wanting to be loved, understood, pitied, etc. Basically, it's an illusion and act of desperation of kindness.

You can choose.


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## orihara (Nov 23, 2014)

THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WAS BABY DON'T HURT ME DON'T HURT ME NO MORE TOO

two words: the chemical


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## TimeWillTell (Jan 14, 2015)

"I felt like I had to learn how to love. I was pretty terrible at the beginning, now I hope I am less terrible... But still kept contact with my ex's. 

I am not even close to be done with that learning. *I considered love to be like a 2D graph where your goal is to try to maximize both axes with any person (Sex, Quality Time).*

So enjoy it, it s a quest, and as other quests, you should try to avoid getting stuck for too long."


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## Silverflame (Jan 4, 2015)

A triumph of imagination over intelligence,borrowing a definition from H.L.Mencken....


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## Recluse BrainStormer333 (Dec 25, 2014)

Chemical reactions in our brains...

We are slave to our biologic programming, slaves of illusions(like love). It's counterproductive and stupid.


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## derlierina (Aug 5, 2014)

Love is a chemical reaction in your brain.


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## Arandomperson (Feb 24, 2015)

When I think of love, I don't only think of romantic love, but also the love from a parent to his/her child, vice versa. Love between friends, siblings, humans/animals etc etc. I think love is too hard for me to really define. Other than.. well, feeling a connection, a bond with that person/animal whatever. So strong you would feel deeply hurt if the person/animal died (very simply put lol). 
But truth is we don't care that much when people we aren't really invested in, die.


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## ArBell (Feb 10, 2014)

No idea,
Completely clueless.
The closest i've gotten to it I guess was obsession. Followed by disgust.


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## Blue Soul (Mar 14, 2015)

NTs love from our head, to love is a logical decision. NFs are usually said to love from their heart. It seems you don't have the same control over it, either you feel it or you don't. Perhaps this is oversimplifying it, since all humans have feelings, but in general.


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## Fish Launcher (Jan 14, 2013)

CherryBl0550m said:


> (♫ Baby don't hurt me... ♫)
> 
> What is love? How would you define it?
> 
> ...


I've been trying to answer the same question myself, except not in a feelsy way. My main reason for this is because I want to provoke love/limerence in myself because I think I'm missing out. SO far, the search is not going well. The research has only conformed what I know: love is caused by two factors: physical attraction and mental attraction. Mental attraction is affected either by the similarity principle or the mere exposure affect, usually both (i.e you like people who are like you and who you've known for some time). Physical attraction is straightforward enough. Once you're in love, your brain releases chemicals, blah blah blah, boring stuff. I'm actually surprised there hasn't been more research in this area though. It's been extremely difficult to find a good book on it. (There was one that looked good, but it was in Swedish or whatever.)


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