# How do I identify an SLI??



## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

How do I identify an SLI? Im ready to find my dual.. I read that they can be found in the suburbs and not in the heart of the city lolll (I feel like im hunting gazelle). But really how would I pick one out of a crowd? Is there anything in particular I can look for? Are they typically athletic? Would they be at the gym? Are they on dating sites? Do SLI males shy away from extremely attractive females? lol help me find my SLI!! 
Thank you very much in advance x


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## Kaznos (May 3, 2018)

Are you sure going for a specific socionics type is a good way to approach dating?
Imho you would just exclude a good number of potential partners. Plus there is really no way of telling their type right away.


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## Max (Aug 14, 2014)

Foxyfox said:


> How do I identify an SLI? Im ready to find my dual.. I read that they can be found in the suburbs and not in the heart of the city lolll (I feel like im hunting gazelle). But really how would I pick one out of a crowd? Is there anything in particular I can look for? Are they typically athletic? Would they be at the gym? Are they on dating sites? Do SLI males shy away from extremely attractive females? lol help me find my SLI!!
> Thank you very much in advance x


You don't be a troll.


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

Great great.. this is all good stuff thank you very much


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## PluckyDucky (Apr 17, 2019)

Umm I'm new to the site, but SLI through and through. I can give my experience at least. The times I go outside are usually just walking around town for a few hours. I avoid any after work things, group activities are not my thing. Maybe Si is just really really good at doing nothing at all. 
I do go to the gym, but only because its in my building, if it was too much of a bother I wouldn't. I guess if I am interested in someone, which is very rare, then I will go out of my way to spend time with them, walking home with them, activities, concerts etc. but its on their initiative, so maybe not so helpful. Honestly I'm not sure how other SLI's feel about dating sites, but its pretty far outside of the comfort zone, so I suppose probably not so many. 
I don't think they would shy away from very attractive females, at least not more than they would shy away from anybody else. When an SLI and an IEE meet for the first time I think the process is probably the same no matter how they look. Bit of distance, being a bit mean and poking fun at each other, then realising its just for show and you are both softies. Maybe not softies, but definitely not valuing an aggressive and forceful attitude.
In terms of spotting them I would assume plain clothed, not a bunch of big labels and designs, probably darker and less attention grabbing colours. Very probably headphones.
Honestly seems like a bit of a challenge. But I guess IEE's never like letting anyone go, so I assume they just slowly build up a library. Internet is a good place to look, although I can't seem them talking much. I hope this was helpful.


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## Heavy (Jun 16, 2010)

The quickest way is to know the VI for each subtype of SLI. 

My VI templates are way better than Ausra's templates and those dilapidated templates over at socionics.com.


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## The red spirit (Sep 29, 2015)

Max said:


> You don't be a troll.


I thought that SLI was was a technology to connect two 3DFX cards to improve performance.


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

Veryyy helpful actually thank you! I think someone at work fits that description.. I would never go for him particularly though but at least I can identify what to look out for in someone else.
Appreciate it !



PluckyDucky said:


> Umm I'm new to the site, but SLI through and through. I can give my experience at least. The times I go outside are usually just walking around town for a few hours. I avoid any after work things, group activities are not my thing. Maybe Si is just really really good at doing nothing at all.
> I do go to the gym, but only because its in my building, if it was too much of a bother I wouldn't. I guess if I am interested in someone, which is very rare, then I will go out of my way to spend time with them, walking home with them, activities, concerts etc. but its on their initiative, so maybe not so helpful. Honestly I'm not sure how other SLI's feel about dating sites, but its pretty far outside of the comfort zone, so I suppose probably not so many.
> I don't think they would shy away from very attractive females, at least not more than they would shy away from anybody else. When an SLI and an IEE meet for the first time I think the process is probably the same no matter how they look. Bit of distance, being a bit mean and poking fun at each other, then realising its just for show and you are both softies. Maybe not softies, but definitely not valuing an aggressive and forceful attitude.
> In terms of spotting them I would assume plain clothed, not a bunch of big labels and designs, probably darker and less attention grabbing colours. Very probably headphones.
> Honestly seems like a bit of a challenge. But I guess IEE's never like letting anyone go, so I assume they just slowly build up a library. Internet is a good place to look, although I can't seem them talking much. I hope this was helpful.


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

Hey Pluckyducky how could I identify an SLI on a dating site? lol please ?


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

PluckyDucky said:


> Umm I'm new to the site, but SLI through and through. I can give my experience at least. The times I go outside are usually just walking around town for a few hours. I avoid any after work things, group activities are not my thing. Maybe Si is just really really good at doing nothing at all.
> I do go to the gym, but only because its in my building, if it was too much of a bother I wouldn't. I guess if I am interested in someone, which is very rare, then I will go out of my way to spend time with them, walking home with them, activities, concerts etc. but its on their initiative, so maybe not so helpful. Honestly I'm not sure how other SLI's feel about dating sites, but its pretty far outside of the comfort zone, so I suppose probably not so many.
> I don't think they would shy away from very attractive females, at least not more than they would shy away from anybody else. When an SLI and an IEE meet for the first time I think the process is probably the same no matter how they look. Bit of distance, being a bit mean and poking fun at each other, then realising its just for show and you are both softies. Maybe not softies, but definitely not valuing an aggressive and forceful attitude.
> In terms of spotting them I would assume plain clothed, not a bunch of big labels and designs, probably darker and less attention grabbing colours. Very probably headphones.
> Honestly seems like a bit of a challenge. But I guess IEE's never like letting anyone go, so I assume they just slowly build up a library. Internet is a good place to look, although I can't seem them talking much. I hope this was helpful.


Hey Pluckyducky how could I identify an SLI on a dating site? lol please ?


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## PluckyDucky (Apr 17, 2019)

Hi Foxyfox, thanks for reaching out. I'll try to give as much info as possible 

First off my prior experience. I did not start using dating sites until I was about 21, even though tinder was getting really popular before then. I wasn't interested in hook ups at all, and I rarely thought about connecting with someone.

For more background info here the user "Chae" makes a decent case on SLI and sexuality on 16 types forum 
https://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/showthread.php/54534-A-question-for-male-SLIs-ISTp-men

So when I started using them it was generally sporadic, where I wouldn't just often change my photos and bio, but also not pay attention to it for periods of time. There is an addictiveness component to dating sites/apps, but it tended to be balanced out by the feeling of not actually liking them that much. I disliked the superficiality and the lack of real feeling. But that has changed over time.

Now I see them as okay, and relatively pragmatic. So I think when you are looking to identify an SLI, you want to be looking for an SLI which has a basic level of maturity, to not be so black or white about personal matters. It sounds strange, but trying to identify me (and possibly other SLI's) before being comfortable using dating sites, and being okay with dating in general, would have been really hard. Too jumpy and unsure, not many constants.

This took a few years for me. At the moment I am on OkCupid and Tinder. If you have tinder feel free to have look
Alex

*Photos*: I use basically the same photos for both. No topless pics.
1. Wide shot, in nice coat in front of Christmas tree. Small smile, bit unshaven.
2. Close shot, wide smile, happy face, shaven
3. Ski slope family pic wide shot
4. Selfie on walk through forest, slight smile unshaven, summer outfit close shot
5. Selfie in winter walk with doggo in frame, slight smile with beard closish shot
6. Doggo pic
7. Random cartoon funny face (from amazing world of Gumball)

*Photo Summary*: Only one toothy smile, not many other people in pics, some animals, a little random/childish with final pic, some selfies. Real lack of impactful or divisive photos, only a soft seriousness. No obsessive hobbies or big activities. Kinda boring I guess.

*Bio:*
Tinder - 
"Just taking things easy, with an open mind. And a serious face :|

Interested in meeting new people. Slowly does it.

If you see me swimming at Nizels, please avert thine eyes! Forsooth my packs a plenty doth rip too hard for mortal men. Nah you can say hello.

Just no flash photography."

OkCupid -
Self Summary
Just taking things easy, with an open mind. And a serious face :|

Interested in meeting new people. Slowly does it.

Current Goal
Get into better shape by swimming at the gym more often.

My worst quality
I don't take many chances, so play it too safe and cut myself off from good things

I love this about myself
I can make something from nothing

I value
Integrity and acceptance

The last show I binged
The Witcher. Not bad

A perfect day
No need to plan anything. Nice, interesting things happen in a relaxed environment with someone I care deeply about.

My relationship with my mother
It's good, both my parents are pretty supportive.

What I'm actually looking for
People to connect with

The trashy reality TV show I secretly love
I watched a full series of The Bachelor in uni. Ice cream and tears. It's beautiful man.

The thing that keeps me in shape
Intermittent fasting is the easiest way I've found. 16:8 is a good guideline, just to let your body recover a bit. No need to do full week long fasts

*Summary of Bios*: I have instagram connected on both, but for the most part I don't really like sharing my hobbies that much with strangers. That's more natural in becoming close to someone after matching/liking. I change the bio a little every so often, but it works okay, so I'm happy enough with it. Information is generally to the point, and centres around being easy going (my prominent quality), being quite serious/practical minded and having an interest in meeting someone new.
*
Overall Summary* I don't feel natural in the role of looking to make connections with others, so I think SLI's at their best aren't trying too hard. When I'm connecting with probable IEE's they seem to be taking it very easy too. They don't mind double messages, or randomness too much, as long as it's reasonable. There is definintely an element of openess to both types, and at the same time a sort of reservedness/anxiety in finding the right person. So both don't really push the chat too hard, and their low key profiles also say this in their own way.

I hope this helps in some way. Feel free to ask for more info if you like.


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

PluckyDucky said:


> Hi Foxyfox, thanks for reaching out. I'll try to give as much info as possible
> 
> First off my prior experience. I did not start using dating sites until I was about 21, even though tinder was getting really popular before then. I wasn't interested in hook ups at all, and I rarely thought about connecting with someone.
> 
> ...


You're amazing... That was actually really helpful! I guess there might be more SLI's on dating sites that I originally imagined. Its pretty interesting how similar SLI's and IEE's actually are.
Would you say that you as an SLI are looking for something serious as the end goal? I am completely new to the online dating world so I just wanna know what to expect.


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## L P (May 30, 2017)

Very plain practical clothing, Like running sneakers and a shirt that's appropriate for the weather. Comfortable yet practical clothing.


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## PluckyDucky (Apr 17, 2019)

Foxyfox said:


> You're amazing... That was actually really helpful! I guess there might be more SLI's on dating sites that I originally imagined. Its pretty interesting how similar SLI's and IEE's actually are.
> Would you say that you as an SLI are looking for something serious as the end goal? I am completely new to the online dating world so I just wanna know what to expect.


No problemo.

That's a really good and difficult question....probably yes. But it's complicated. Unfortunately.


*Short answer:*

At their best both SLI's and IEE's want reliability/stability/trust in their relationships. For SLI's thinking about personal stuff and long term goals is hard work. But I think on a fundamental level SLI's are built to want something serious with someone who they feel is right for them. 

*I would say that they might not be actively looking for it, but deep down yes they want to find someone special to connect with. For me, I don't seem that interested, but I am.*


*Long answer:*

To put it in socionics terms, 'Fi' is probably what you are dealing most with when it comes to serious personal relationships with someone. Other information elements are still important, and definitely should still be acknowledged; for example most recently I saw the effect of being in a relationship that became too focused on Fi info without recognising Te elements...that turned out pretty disastrous. But in general Fi is probably the main source to be looking at here.

So for an SLI, Fi is the 6th function; also known as the mobilizing function and the hidden agenda function. I think both of these descriptions ring true, and generally will give a positive answer to your question.

*1. *It's called the mobilizing function because it "activates" the other person. If there is no Fi around, then little or no activity. In reality this means that SLI's can be very inert, more reacting to someone else's Fi/ Fi situations than bringing it to the table. Sure it's there and occasionally will come out unprompted e.g. a random handmade appreciation gift, or a desperate and sad message, but mostly it's not visible, especially to them.

*2. * Fi just really does not play by the rules with SLI's, it mostly does what it wants. I've read on the Maverick Socionics blog, that in their opinion the sixth function is something we are just looking to be accepted for, and I agree with that. It's not going to be winning any awards and it's a little all over the place, but if you look closely you can see that the person does actually value that kind of stuff and does in some way have dreams of being in a place where they are accepted and satisfied.

https://mavericksocionics.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-mobilizing-function.html

*3. *It's called the hidden agenda function because the person often doesn't even realise it's a need/desire of theirs. This is what makes personal connections difficult to see and judge for an SLI. In online dating and real life I'm sure you will meet SLI's, and many are going to seem cold. But practically all of them are going to have a hard time judging personal distance and understanding where they want to be heading. This will not make them particularly trusting.

*4. * One of the reasons I think SLI/IEE duality is particularly tough is because of this. SLI for all their great qualities are not good at bridging the gap. Fi development is a journey for SLI's that is not easy and takes a long long time (years).

*Summary:*
1. Most SLI's are not Fi focused most of the time.
2. Most SLI's are looking for acceptance of their difficulties in the personal sphere.
3. Many SLI's are not good at Fi stuff and need help sometimes.
4. Most SLI's take a long time to get better at Fi stuff.

So yeah. They fundamentally want, and eventually will feel a need for strong bonds with others. But there are plenty of reasons why it's not a smooth experience, and why it seems on the surface like the actual answer is no, they aren't interested.

I quite like the SLI profile on world socionics blogspot. Jack does good work, and I find it funny how he just suggests getting a pet instead. It's that much of an uphill struggle with people. 

I could talk more about this subject. It's certainly something that's been on my mind a lot. But I think there are only two more things to add.

1. I think you make a very good point when you talk about how SLI and IEE can seem similar. They are. You may be new to online dating, but I wouldn't worry about what to expect. Stay safe and keep calm.

2. They both may seem similar at first but a lot of strange things seem to happen when SLI's and IEE's are together for a while. Things get messy, and things get wierd. But so is life I guess.

Again I hope you get something from this, and thank you for the compliment.


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

PluckyDucky said:


> No problemo.
> 
> That's a really good and difficult question....probably yes. But it's complicated. Unfortunately.
> 
> ...


I actually know how to identify them now.. I know A LOTTTTT of them, stupid Socionics descriptions make them sound like scrawny little socially awkward malnourished kids. When realistically probably the hottest type (dated one in the past). Can you answer another question I have now? I posted it in a new thread because I don't wanna keep bugging you with the questions but ill give it a shot lol:

Why do you SLI's enjoy hurting they ones you love? I have some close SLI's in my life who confide in me and have admitted to enjoying/ and intentionally hurting their significant others. My ex was also an SLI and after years and years of drama, during a fight I asked why he likes to see me hurt and he laughed and said "I actually only like it when I hurt you". It turned me off completely (considering I'm an IEE and i'm in constant search for inner peace).. I am trying to understand the SLI completely because I personally want to know if I should avoid my the idea of finding a dual for a romantic pairing forever. 

So again I want to know why you guys enjoy hurting loved ones? Why the need? What do you get out of it? Is it power or control? I just don't understand it because I personally would never wanna hurt the ppl I love... I don't wanna hear "that is only an unhealthy SLI" because I've actually seen it with every SLI I know ... even my own mother and uncle lol! So please be candid. Thanks in advance."


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## Zidane (Sep 9, 2015)

Foxyfox said:


> How do I identify an SLI? Im ready to find my dual.. I read that they can be found in the suburbs and not in the heart of the city lolll (I feel like im hunting gazelle). But really how would I pick one out of a crowd? Is there anything in particular I can look for? Are they typically athletic? Would they be at the gym? Are they on dating sites? Do SLI males shy away from extremely attractive females? lol help me find my SLI!!
> Thank you very much in advance x


Wow, you are not very smart. Duals are very bad partners. Dual theory is based on opposite attract, but the reality is that cats like cats and dogs like dogs. I would suggest looking for another intuitive and/or feeler. You need some common ground here for relationship to work. Why do you think another SLI will be different? It seems like you're looking for someone who wants to take care of you, a warm, not a cold type. SLI are emotionally distant types. That's why they test SLI.

I can't believe people take this theory seriously. It's pairing intuitive feelers with logical sensors. That's a recipe for disaster. Poor feelers. It's like walking into the lion's den. Socionics makes my skin crawl. So much assumption without any evidence. No one's questioning this stuff? It's science now?

And if you're looking for SLI because you want a hot man. Well, my GF (ethical intuitive), she can guarantee you that SLI's are not the hottest. :smug:


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

Zidane said:


> Wow, you are not very smart. Duals are very bad partners. Dual theory is based on opposite attract, but the reality is that cats like cats and dogs like dogs. I would suggest looking for another intuitive and/or feeler. You need some common ground here for relationship to work. Why do you think another SLI will be different? It seems like you're looking for someone who wants to take care of you, a warm, not a cold type. SLI are emotionally distant types. That's why they test SLI.
> 
> I can't believe people take this theory seriously. It's pairing intuitive feelers with logical sensors. That's a recipe for disaster. Poor feelers. It's like walking into the lion's den. Socionics makes my skin crawl. So much assumption without any evidence. No one's questioning this stuff? It's science now?
> 
> And if you're looking for SLI because you want a hot man. Well, my GF (ethical intuitive), she can guarantee you that SLI's are not the hottest. :smug:


Nah I'm actually very smart.. Just trying to understand my dual. Yes you are right, my dual and I are complete opposites, I definitely don't want someone to just take care of me, I want someone I can take care of as well- who wants to be useless?? I do get what you are saying (ignoring the disrespect of course) it makes sense, but duality will definitely change you as a person and make you grow in ways that no other intertype can, and I can attest to it.. My question to @PluckyDucky was to help me figure out if all SLI's are just intentionally mean and unable/ incapable of changing. Half thanks for chiming in though..


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## Zidane (Sep 9, 2015)

Foxyfox said:


> Nah I'm actually very smart.. Just trying to understand my dual. Yes you are right, my dual and I are complete opposites, I definitely don't want someone to just take care of me, I want someone I can take care of as well- who wants to be useless?? I do get what you are saying (ignoring the disrespect of course) it makes sense, but duality will definitely change you as a person and make you grow in ways that no other intertype can, and I can attest to it.. My question to @PluckyDucky was to help me figure out if all SLI's are just intentionally mean and unable/ incapable of changing. Half thanks for chiming in though..


I never said you shouldn't take care of your man as well. How the fuck did you jump to this conclusion? I just said you should look for a man who actually wants to take care of you as well. It's called reciprocation. You complain about SLI's not reciprocating this behaviour and causing you hurt, so obviously they are not offering what you seek. HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO REPEAT THE BEHAVIOUR BEFORE YOU REALIZE THE THEORY YOU'RE MINDLESSLY FOLLOWING IS BULLSHIT AND CAUSING YOU TO MAKE BAD LOVE CHOICES? SLI is just your dual, that's all it means. It's your opposite. Dual does not mean ideal love mate. (That is a silly baseless extrapolation made by socionics theorists...) If it were, then Satan would be the best love mate of Jesus.... Why is MBTI not following this theory when it comes to relationships? Because obviously real life experiences have shown that ISTJ and ENFP clash too much, even though they are each other's shadow? Do you understand? Dual means your shadow... Why would you seek to marry your shadow? ENFP's are much better matches with INTJ, even though they are not each other's dual. GET IT? You need some common ground as a base, and ISTJ and ENFP have no common ground...

I'm just trying to help you because else you will keep on making the same stupid choices over and over again until you are old and no one wants you anymore... And no, SLI's are not too mean for everyone. But they are too mean for you, because you as an ethical intuitive are very sensitive. They will keep on causing you hurt because unlike you they are pretty unsensitive...

And no, you are not very smart. You may be smart, but I can assure you, you are not 'very' smart. I know this because overestimating your own intelligence is just something very smart people do not do, nor making love choices based on an unproven theory...


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## Foxyfox (Oct 21, 2016)

Zidane said:


> I never said you shouldn't take care of your man as well. How the fuck did you jump to this conclusion? I just said you should look for a man who actually wants to take care of you as well. It's called reciprocation. You complain about SLI's not reciprocating this behaviour and causing you hurt, so obviously they are not offering what you seek. HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO REPEAT THE BEHAVIOUR BEFORE YOU REALIZE THE THEORY YOU'RE MINDLESSLY FOLLOWING IS BULLSHIT AND CAUSING YOU TO MAKE BAD LOVE CHOICES? SLI is just your dual, that's all it means. It's your opposite. Dual does not mean ideal love mate. (That is a silly baseless extrapolation made by socionics theorists...) If it were, then Satan would be the best love mate of Jesus.... Why is MBTI not following this theory when it comes to relationships? Because obviously real life experiences have shown that ISTJ and ENFP clash too much, even though they are each other's shadow? Do you understand? Dual means your shadow... Why would you seek to marry your shadow? ENFP's are much better matches with INTJ, even though they are not each other's dual. GET IT? You need some common ground as a base, and ISTJ and ENFP have no common ground...
> 
> I'm just trying to help you because else you will keep on making the same stupid choices over and over again until you are old and no one wants you anymore... And no, SLI's are not too mean for everyone. But they are too mean for you, because you as an ethical intuitive are very sensitive. They will keep on causing you hurt because unlike you they are pretty unsensitive...


Alright Zinedine were using caps now.. Well you're the one who said "it looks like you're looking for someone to take care of you" so I responded to that. It seems like you've never been close to an SLI.. Romantically they are VERY sensitive, in a close trusting relationship you see another side to them and they are in fact the more sensitive of the SLI- IEE duo. Anyways no I'm not too sensitive for a thinker, I'm too sensitive for a disrespectful cheater who's gonna embarrass and betray me lol. 
And ya how do you know that satan and Jesus weren't each others best match?? maybe they'd balance each other out  .. But Im not the relationship expert here- You are.


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## Sylas (Jul 23, 2016)

Maybe this thread will help: *How to find/recognize ISTps: characteristics, style, traits, and real life observations of SLIs*

There is also V.I. or visual identification: *Socionics Type Portraits - Delta Quadra*


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