# relation of benefit failure



## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

Socionics - the16types.info - Benefit relations

didn't think it was possible.
it seems to be happening and ive been hurt. 
each side has their work. it should be done. we'd move on thereafter.
but the benefactor is a lazy do-nothing. 

what happens then?
i move in 2 weeks.
ive been talking to this guy for almost a year.
we've sort of grown.
seems as though his was only in it for the shallow aspect- sex
relations of benefit by nature are not shallow. they fill a social order. 
how could one person just walk away...confused
also. we had been relating on a deeper level. but i guess it wasnt sticking for him and he just started acting a plum idiot.

how can the work be finished if one of the people walks away?
if anything, the beneficiary would do the walking
but the benefactor, who is supposed to be the "main supplier" gave up 1st
this was unexpected and im not sure if things can be fixed or not
i have been utterly disrespected by the benefactor which is why i consider things to be over
but things don't really make much sense. i thought things were going to run smoothly and couldn't go wrong.
any educated guesses


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

seeing the failure as a "kink" in the function. a very unfortunate and untimely kind


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## Kanerou (Oct 8, 2009)

Not really understanding what you're asking for here. That aside, relations fail for all sorts of reasons not related to socionics. To begin with, it sounds like you two had different expectations for the relationship/friendship.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

Kanerou said:


> Not really understanding what you're asking for here. That aside, relations fail for all sorts of reasons not related to socionics. To begin with, it sounds like you two had different expectations for the relationship/friendship.


Yeah. But I posted the link to define what it is. From what I understand, even from my current experience, relations of benefit cant just end by choice. it has to fill a social order and then it will end when the work in the pair is complete. it has a life of its own. so im saying that in my situation, there have been problems that have seemed to override nature which is why i was perplexed. im not really as confused anymore because Lord knows I tried to cut this guy off but its just not possible. He fills a gap. Its kind of mysterious, but thats what this situation is like. hope that helps. and it would help if you understood the definition of this kind of thing. but i know socionics is just a part of it, but it does describe a lot, which is why I'm referencing it..hope you understand my drift here


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## sinigang (May 5, 2012)

Was he ESTp?


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

sinigang said:


> Was he ESTp?


is he, yes
i guess the small p means light perceiving , less than 50% or something . that seems about right actually
but yep. hes a soc/sx estp . very insightful. out of curiousity, howd you guess?

sidenote: i highly doubt we're done. its not over til its over kinda thing. hasnt finished running its course..as painful as its been recently.


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## Kanerou (Oct 8, 2009)

"ESTp" is another way of saying the socionics type SLE; the four-letter code (with lowercase j/p) was introduced by a socionist who wanted to make socionics more relatable for the Western world. (Sadly, it's only led to mass confusion in the long run.) It's not the same thing as ESTP, which is an MBTI/JCF type (different systems, different ideas of the functions/IEs). The link you posted is for socionics types, and SLE and ESE are in benefit relations.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

anyway. at this point im not totally convinced that my benefactor puts forth his all.. now that i think about it, i think that thats always the problem with relations of benefit. something is bound to be off with it. also, i hate my benefactors attitude. only 1 more week with him and i dont think im gonna miss him.


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## Cantarella (Sep 3, 2010)

It sounds like what you're expressing isn't limited to benefit relations. Benefit relations are attractive but offer plenty of opportunities to disappoint each other, just kind kindred relations, mirror relations, contrary relations, quasi-identical relations, look-a-like relations, etc.

Generally the trend I notice with benefit relations though is that the benefactor is not so impressed with their beneficiary in the ways the latter wants them to be. In fact, plenty of the things the beneficiary does specifically to attract attention rub their benefactor the wrong way. However there are plenty of instances where the two are very compatible in life circumstances like having compatible interests, goals, sense of humor, etc. and this can hold them together. There is also such a thing as reverse benefit which you might want to look into.

Sometimes the beneficiary feels like they are doing too much for their benefactor and not getting the appreciation they deserve, so they give up and look somewhere else for validation. I see this one happen a lot actually. Are you with (or soon to be broken up with) an ENFp or ESTp?


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

Sounds to me like the reverse based on the many readings Ive read on relations of benefit. Our problem though is that I think my benefactor is unusually incompetent and it causes me to seek other benefactors. I just dont think theres supposed to be that much of a disparity in relations of benefit which is why i started this thread. in any case, its an estp, yes. im very disappointed with things with us but i think that theres just so many personal issues that we can't sort through them all...its pretty sad. thanks.


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