# Starting to resent my best friend. No fun.



## SkittlesButterface (Apr 17, 2014)

So I live in this teeny tiny half duplex with my husband. Normally, this would be just dandy, except for the roommate part. I can barely handle having to live with someone other than my husband, let alone a roommate. He's a good guy and all, I just need a break from people. A lot. And it doesn't help that the place is SO small. What's worse, his girlfriend is here EVERY SINGLE DAY. And she's pretty much the most extroverted person I know. She doesn't realize how big and chaotic her energy is, and just throws it around the room. It's exhausting! I often retreat into my room for days at a time and come off as extremely rude. I become highly depressed because I am unable to recharge properly. The worst part is, she just so happens to be one of my best friends; that's how her and the roommate met and started dating. I've explained to her on several occasions the importance of me having alone time, but she can be pretty forgetful, and she has a tendency to not really hear what you're saying; she hears what she wants to hear a lot. The more time she spends here, the more intolerant I become of her high energy. I find myself thinking negative thoughts about her, and I absolutely hate myself for it. I mean, what kind of friend am I?? I know in reality I love the girl to pieces, but I seem to have a real poor way of showing it. And I know she always speaks highly of me; she's very affectionate. I try to socialize and be friendly whenever she's here....but that's like, every day. Dealing with her extreme energy constantly is turning me into someone I desperately don't want to be, and I know it's not the real me. I'm beginning to resent her, and it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach that I could feel this way about her. I dunno what to do; I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Mehhh :sad:


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

Possible to set hard rules? (paper pen contract about noise level), or at what times she's allowed to come over. Cite reasons of mental health. A good friend should bloody well respect you.

Any nearby libraries you can escape to to do work or something? Park? Other friend's place?

Do you have noise cancelling earphones / earplugs that might help?

Don't worry about coming across as rude. You have a right to not interact with people when you don't want to when it affects your health that much.
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How to Deal with Loud College Roommates: 8 Steps (with Pictures)


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

Did you talk to your husband? With your rommate? If your best friends doesn't want to listen...

I understand the nature of your feeling, for me, my time it's precious, you can't mess with that. I need it to survive. If the place belongs to you and your husband you must talk, and not only random comments about how you want some time alone. Tell them exactly what you are telling us (of course not how your hate thought about your best friend).

You are not a bad friend, the same would happen to me in your situations, and it is totally normal, plus, you are introvert. It will drain you until you explode and burn everything or maybe do/say something you don't want.


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## stormgirl (May 21, 2013)

It is *your* home, not hers! 

If she is there that frequently, I would suggest they either move out and get a place together, or ask she start paying rent too.

If you need the income of having a roommate, then set down some clear rules around when she can be over, so you can at the very least work around those times if need be.


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## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

Sit her down and explain to her how you feel,
Detail that she's not meeting you half way,
And that currently your friendship is becoming slightly toxic to your needs.

Directness is the best way to go!


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