# Battle Theme: Zen vs Inner Control Freak



## Warriorqueen (Jan 3, 2009)

As an ENTJ it is no secret that I harbor an inner Control Freak.
My brother says that everyone has a Metorphor of Life...mine is Battle.

How this pattern has repeated in my life is not worth expending the effort to write or ask any visitor to wade through the muck to read.

I do find that one glimpse of maturity is the realization that....just as there is a whole list of stuff I'll fight about or fight for......real and lasting peace will elude me until I can embrace a little Zen.

Yeah, that is the Grown up thing to do.....It sounds real Good to my Thinking self......The battle rages (of course) with my emotions......To hold onto a belief.....You have to feel it......This is a major struggle for me.

I have been practicing my Zen state.....but I can only reliably activate it on issues I care little or nothing about....I can stay very Zen in this instance.

But the stuff that gets to me.....that cuts me to the quick.....I have not yet mastered Zen here....

An of course another open Secret is ENTJ's must be Masters of their World......So admiting in public that there is something dear to me that I have not Mastered is akin to the first time a substance abuser says....'Hi, Im So&So and I am an Addict/Alcoholic or whatever'

It is also clear that simple knowledge is not enough to change behavior.....

For now, I reach for Zen amd appreciate it when I can snatch even a trace of it for even a moment.......I covet Zen and I envy Zen.

The part of Zen that is scary is the part where you really have to accept the Bad with the Good......Jeez.....The whole reason to have control is to mitigate and minimize the Bad.....to battle the Bad and Turn it into Good......The kink in that Logic is....It is Damn near impossible...
The ususal response is defense.....but defense leads inexorably to battle....or back to square one......And I really have a hard time with Being OK with Bad Shit happening'.......The 'Thinking' answer to this is "See the Bad Shit in a Different Way....and turn it into....Not so Bad Shit.....in a reall successful Zen exercise it metamorphs into 'Good Shit'.....

Maybe I could try that as a Mantra......but hold up.....the kink is I don't KNOW HOW. WHEN OR WHY the Bad will turn to Good......And Of Course.....Not To KNOW.....sends my ENTJ directly into panic....Do Not Pass Go....Do Not Collect $200....Jeez

I know, I know....the Mantra will desensitize me to the panic and allow me to move through it......
I gues I should try it....."Bad Shit (that does not kill me) Can/Will Turn into Good Shit....I just have to look at it long enough and allow myself to believe"


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## Trope (Oct 18, 2008)

Your ability to maintain it in charged situations grows with practice. The best advice I can give is to let go of irritants as they arise.


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

Firstly, it is appreciated that you have given such information to us. 
I can say with a great deal of confidence, that Zen is not as much taking the good with the bad, but just taking everything in its whole form. There is no good, no bad, just what is. 
Remind yourself that to be ill at ease in a situation whereby your knowledge is less assured, is to be forwarding that you do not know that everything interrelates. So in knowing even a limited amount, the acquisition of a related understanding will exponentiate itself. Do not let your panic for an eager fix of control distract you, and the knowledge of the right way will eventually take its place in an efficient base.

Like I always say, discipline is not in knowing and effectively doing. It is knowing when to do things and let the information flow freely inwards.
Then again, I say this with emphasis towards what the Jungian theory calls Introverted Intuition.


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## Warriorqueen (Jan 3, 2009)

Shout out to NephilimAzrael & Trope.....Thanks so much for your comments.....I'd written such a thoughtful response....only to have the computer bump me off the site before it posted......So this is my first excercise in going beyond the 'good or bad to is'.......I appreciate ya'll
Thanks


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## Warriorqueen (Jan 3, 2009)

I wonder now if Zen is simply a function of Maturity & the Control Freak is conquered by the accumulation of items and events that are not in an indvividual's contol


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