# I want to end a toxic/exhausting friendship with someone who makes me uncomfortable?



## eppy (Jul 28, 2014)

HarpFluffy said:


> Humor is really hard online. In person it's easy to get people laughing but online or email or text you can't see my tongue in cheek expression....
> 
> Reduce communication gradually. Answer the phone less often, wait longer to text. Ask her questions about her life that require work to answer. If she questions you about any of this tell her how much you like her and how you appreciate her friendship. You're doing two things, pushing her away and allowing her to save face. I can't give advice on her threatened rumor without further information. Is this a random baseless threat or do you spend a lot of time with that particular teacher?
> 
> Hope this helps...


Thank you, and I'm sorry my description was very one-sided. When I think about it, I probably unintentionally give out mixed signals, because if we're in a group and talking, I probably look happy, and that's where she sees me the most.

I talked to her about the teacher-thing, explaining to her that it was not fair on the teacher at all. She said that she told one person about it, but they 'probably' didn't believe her.

I don't spend that much time with the teacher, I'm friendly with her because she's very supportive and kind. But there's nothing 'suspicious' in the way we interact. 
What happened was that I wanted to speak to the teacher and ask her about an assignment because I had been away for several days, and this girl was trying to hug me and I turned away to walk over to the teacher (which was stupid of me) and she might have been annoyed. So then she said that she was going to tell people I was having an affair with the teacher so that way I wouldn't get the chance to speak with her again. She had walked off before I could ask if she was being serious. And when I asked her the next day, she said she wasn't joking, and that I needed to spend more time with her rather than the teacher. 

I talk to this teacher once or twice a week for about a minute and it's usually just a 'Hello, how are you?' sort of conversation. 

But I think it's over now, so that's all ok. (I hope)

Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it a lot.


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## eppy (Jul 28, 2014)

warmandloving ESFJ said:


> Please don't waste your time with someone who is negative and doesn't make you feel good. We all deserve to be uplifted and feel good when spending time with friends.


True :happy:


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## ForestPaix (Aug 30, 2014)

I was kinda friends with this girl who was two years younger than me, but she kept lying to me about EVERYTHING, goodness only knows what she'd been saying about me behind my back, and in the end it gave me anxiety, so I cut her off.


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## lilysocks (Nov 7, 2012)

eppy said:


> And when I asked her the next day, she said she wasn't joking, and that I needed to spend more time with her rather than the teacher.


this really sounds like bad news. i understand your account is subjective, but still i'm forming an impression of someone with very inadequate social skills, who sees you as her 'buffer' between herself and the alienation she's set up for herself. the worrying part is she's willing to use tactics like this to make sure that she doesn't lose you. frankly, that kind of threat is pretty ugly, when you let yourself think about the way it probably makes you feel.

i'm just sayin' . . . i know what infps can be like, when it comes to not wanting to be 'mean' to others, especially underdogs :wink:. but look at it this way if you need moral courage to assert yourself against her: if you don't separate yourself, what's going to happen? she'll keep draining and draining you, and in the meantime she's not going to learn a thing because you're her shield between herself and her consequences. you won't be able to keep it up forever no matter how much you want to, so in the end she won't even have you . . . and she'll be no further ahead in life at that point than she is now.

draw a line. the sooner it gets drawn, the earlier in her life she can make a start on learning to manage herself better than this. good luck, and i don't want to alarm you unnecessarily . . . but it's just possible you might find yourself in the middle of a real stalker story with this, so look around you and mark out anyone you might be able to turn to irl for support as well.


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