# Do you feel embarrassed about having expensive things?



## geekofalltrades

I never felt embarrassed for having nice things. Sometimes, when the topic of wealth came up and I was with friends who weren't as well off as my family... that would be cringeworthy.

Eg...
"Jesus, I can't believe they hiked tuition _thirty percent_ this quarter! How are you dealing with it!?"
"er... my dad is paying for it... out of his pocket... :blushed:"


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## MyName

"This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things!!!!!!!"


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## Curiously

I can relate somewhat to your feeling embarrassment in having expensive stuff. I didn't tell anyone but my closest friend that I got a new car as a surprise gift from my parents this past Christmas because (1) I didn't do anything to deserve it and (2) I experienced first-hand that some people end up envying others for having nice(r) things than them. I've experienced relatives disliking my parents for their upward mobility in life, and that hurt me because they didn't take into account that my parents didn't have much help from their siblings or anyone else; everything my parents have is a result of their hard work and sacrifice and some blessed luck. Anyway, I keep relatively mum about good stuff that comes my way because I'm also a pretty private person and nothing I have material-wise says anything about who I truly am as a person. Plus, things come and go. As for your having nice things, well, enjoy them, and please enjoy them even more, without any guilt or embarrassment, if you worked hard and paid for them yourself!


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## AzNova

My sister keeps buying me these over the top expensive purses. I have a Coach, a Gucci, and a Chanel, I only use them when she is around. I get all weird about it because I just feel its silly to spend so much on a purse. Id rather go to Target and buy a 5 dollar purse and put the other 340.00 in the purse. I told her about this so she rubs it in by buying sunglasses to match the purse...


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## viva

I don't feel guilty at all, because I work extremely hard for everything that I have. I'm financially independent and at a university that is full of kids whose parents make upwards of $1mil a year and hand everything to them. Nothing I showed off could ever compare to what everyone else has, anyway. I don't mind spoiling myself every now and then because I know that I deserve it.


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## Tulipgarden

viva said:


> I don't feel guilty at all, because I work extremely hard for everything that I have. I'm financially independent and at a university that is full of kids whose parents make upwards of $1mil a year and hand everything to them. Nothing I showed off could ever compare to what everyone else has, anyway. I don't mind spoiling myself every now and then because I know that I deserve it.


That is a good point. My husband was driving around a mini van with nearly 300,000 miles on, it was a sad site, windows wouldn't roll down and one of the sides the window wouldn't roll all the way up despite the fact he fixed it twice and twice it broke. He makes decent money and works his ass off and gives so much to the family that he never gives to himself. So when we bought him a new truck I made him go all the way and said "drive it proudly". He doesn't get easily excited but he's been on cloud nine proudly driving that thing around. He said "I feel guilty" and I said "you worked your ass off for this honey! OWN IT!".


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## Transcendence

I wouldn't mind having an expensive wardrobe and flash my expensive phone in public, because the public can go fuck itself. 

However, if I invite someone into my home, I don't want to outshine them. 
It really makes me feel bad. And I can't even apologize, 'cause that's conceited!


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## walloftext

I chose "Other". I agree with the original poster that some people knowing I have expensive stuff can make me uneasy. I have a few items I've amassed over the years that were originally very expensive. All I bought for about 70-99% off. Even still, I work my ass off to save up for them. I love showing these to my closest friends because I sew and think many are great works of art. 

Regarding private and public situations it depends. Around my parents? Yes, I'm extremely nervous. They don't get that I saved for months for an amazing bargain. I could never afford the original even half-off straight up. I also work where I encounter homeless people and drug dealers daily so I would never wear them there. I would be incredibly embarrassed wearing something whose original price could afford them food and shelter for goodness knows how long. I give to charities and I do my best, but the contrast still would sting. But out with friends in a good part of the city? Not embarrassed at all.


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## chickydoda

I don't wear expensive clothing or anything (can't usually afford more than $30 an item, once brought a $30 necklace and it is the most expensive piece of jewelry I own), but I am on the verge of getting an ipad 3, and the idea of using it outside my home makes me feel self conscious. I think this started when I got my ipod in highschool, and everyone was constantly questioning me about it- I went to a lower decile school, and most of the kids came from poor families.

Its kind of silly, because the reason I want an ipad is so that I can create blogs from everywhere, record what is happening and how I'm feeling, and its easier to take around that a laptop. It also has lots of great apps, a build in front and back camera, and when I start University, I can record my lectures and keep my textbooks on there. I'm getting an ipad instead of a kindle. I don't really need a laptop because I have a desktop.


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## walloftext

chickydoda said:


> I don't wear expensive clothing or anything (can't usually afford more than $30 an item, once brought a $30 necklace and it is the most expensive piece of jewelry I own), but I am on the verge of getting an ipad 3, and the idea of using it outside my home makes me feel self conscious. I think this started when I got my ipod in highschool, and everyone was constantly questioning me about it- I went to a lower decile school, and most of the kids came from poor families.


I think it is all about where you budget things and what your needs/priorities are. I sew, so the clothes are dual purpose for me. I also can use them to see the "bones" of high quality clothing that don't really show up in books or classes. I am not spending money on the tech side, but if I were going off to college I'd probably be budgeting for one of them and not spending on my hobby. 

My friend has an ipad and it's made his world so much easier. I'd imagine they are pretty common at universities, though they weren't around when I was in school. I went to a cheap university and there was still plenty of tech. So perhaps it wouldn't have the same effect it had with your ipod?


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## Kyrielle

I picked "other". It depends on the type of item in question. It's when someone notices that weird antique/art piece I purchased on a whim and asks about it that I feel kinda awkward. But I think it's mostly embarrassment over buying something without thinking about whether or not I need it than the amount of money that was spent.

In general, though, if I earned the money used to pay for it, I don't feel bad or embarrassed. I budget my money carefully, so when I want to spend a little on myself, I'll spend my money however I damn well please. I worked my tail off for that money after all.


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## Tig

chickydoda said:


> Its kind of silly, because the reason I want an ipad is so that I can create blogs from everywhere, record what is happening and how I'm feeling, and its easier to take around that a laptop. It also has lots of great apps, a build in front and back camera, and when I start University, I can record my lectures and keep my textbooks on there. I'm getting an ipad instead of a kindle. I don't really need a laptop because I have a desktop.


You were somewhat of an early adopter when you got your iPod, so it would've been a strange thing to others.. now technology is a big part of mainstream life you probably wont get as much attention for your iPad. I love mine and I use it more than my desktop PC!

Having nice things doesn't make you a bad person. I think if you were to judge someone for not having nice things that would be different but little luxuries make life better, as long as you're not putting yourself into debt to get them!


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## Solitude315

It's only _shameful _if the thing has no _real_ purpose (Ex. Looking good on me is not a purpose), and if there was nothing like it that was for a cheaper price. Even then, it's both shameful in public and in private. Or at least for me.


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## The Great One

chickydoda said:


> I do! I remember the fuss everyone made around me when I got my first ipod- I was 13, I paid $550 for it, and no one else had one or really knew what they were. Ever since then, I've felt shame whenever I'd spent more on something then everyone else, even if it means at the expense of going out or buying lots of clothes.
> 
> I don't mind having expense things at home, where no one really sees them, but if I use them out and about, I feel like I'm showing off or making people feel bad. I'm about to get a tablet, and even though I'm excited, I don't feel like I can tell any of my friends, because they'll start asking how much I paid for it, than act like I'm crazy.
> 
> Whats your perspective on this? My parents both came from bottom income families, and now we're ''upper middle class'' although still far from the top 1%. It doesn't mean theres lots of spare money or anything, just that I'm not used to having lots of expensive things, wear labelled clothes, go to a private school etc. Having expensive things feels unnatural.


No quite the contrary, I actually feel embarrassed when I have really cheap shit. For instance, I once had a government track phone and was highly embarrassed by that. Then, I got a Metro PCShit and I felt bad about carrying that around cuz it was pretty ghetto ass phone. Now, I'm more content with my Verizon flip-phone. I really wish I could get an android though. It just makes me feel bad that I can't pull up youtube videos in a split second like my friends. I'm a very vain bastard and like nice things.


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## SenhorFrio

I don't really have any expensive public tihngs....but still when people say somethingi have on is nice of whatever I'll often say stuff like" oh it was only blah blah " or "yeah i got it at a thrift store!"


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## zamshed

Well, I didn't inherit any money nor did I steel anything. All my earthly possessions are bought with my own hard earned money. Why should I be embarrassed?


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## LunaWolf

Yes, I don't like brands.....
I never buy something that's too expensive because I feel I'm wasting my money
The most expensive thing I bought was a coat of 60 euros.
Which isn't that much, well for me it is but most buy a sweater from gucci or nafnaf at 120 euros
That's just crazy >.<


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## jd_

hmmm no, I don't own anything expensive, I bought my car for 750 bucks for instance, and didn't have a car for about 6 years before that, haha. My bike is actually worth more money than my car (daily rider). I have never really desired to have that much "nice things" anyway, I'm pretty frugal and bohemian. Honestly many americans look "down" on my lifestyle, b/c it is "un american." I guess I am unamerican then. I get most of my clothes as hand me downs or at good will. Most of my furniture is off craigslist or found in an alley and restained/painted. I would probably embarass myself like that though, yes. The only thing I've spent a LOT of money on is my education. Should I carry around my transcript/diploma? I also will spend the right amount of money for healthy food, which in the U.S. is more expensive than junk food. But I don't really view those as "expenses" ...more so as necessities. Having brand new cars, clothes, etc, just seems superficial to me especially when rest of the world lives in poverty. And I realize that our over consumption and funding of many of the large corporations which make such goods keep them in poverty. Now I do appreciate nice things, but I don't feel the need to own them.


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## jd_

chickydoda said:


> I don't wear expensive clothing or anything (can't usually afford more than $30 an item, once brought a $30 necklace and it is the most expensive piece of jewelry I own), but I am on the verge of getting an ipad 3, and the idea of using it outside my home makes me feel self conscious. I think this started when I got my ipod in highschool, and everyone was constantly questioning me about it- I went to a lower decile school, and most of the kids came from poor families.
> 
> Its kind of silly, because the reason I want an ipad is so that I can create blogs from everywhere, record what is happening and how I'm feeling, and its easier to take around that a laptop. It also has lots of great apps, a build in front and back camera, and when I start University, I can record my lectures and keep my textbooks on there. I'm getting an ipad instead of a kindle. I don't really need a laptop because I have a desktop.


you could do all of this from a 150 dollar netbook.


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## chickydoda

jd_ said:


> you could do all of this from a 150 dollar netbook.


 I don't like netbooks. And, I might get flashy electronic things, but I'm not spending my money on clothes, cars or alcohol like most of the people I know in my age group


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## jd_

chickydoda said:


> I don't like netbooks. And, I might get flashy electronic things, but I'm not spending my money on clothes, cars or alcohol like most of the people I know in my age group


What you are doing is called bargaining. If you want to buy it, just buy it. If you want to reason to yourself why you want it, there are indeed cheaper options to accomplish the tasks.


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## chickydoda

jd_ said:


> What you are doing is called bargaining. If you want to buy it, just buy it. If you want to reason to yourself why you want it, there are indeed cheaper options to accomplish the tasks.


 I don't have to justify my purchases to you, so I'm not going to.


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## jd_

chickydoda said:


> I don't have to justify my purchases to you, so I'm not going to.


Seriously?

This part is called denial. And now you are throwing some weird mix of emotions into my evaluation of what you are actually doing. Odd. 

You were justifying them to YOURSELF just a few posts up. You are listing out cons/pros b/c you know it's a high ticket item, so you are trying to convince yourself that you need it. Hence, bargaining.

"Its kind of silly, because the reason I want an ipad is so that I can create blogs from everywhere, record what is happening and how I'm feeling, and its easier to take around that a laptop. It also has lots of great apps, a build in front and back camera, and when I start University, I can record my lectures and keep my textbooks on there. I'm getting an ipad instead of a kindle. I don't really need a laptop because I have a desktop."

And, didn't I just say that?

"If you want to buy it, just buy it"

Nobody cares. You obviously have some deep issues with this or you wouldn't have created the thread in the first place. I am just pointing out the processes you are doing, it isn't about me, just calling it like it is.


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## A Better Tomorrow

I don't have anything expensive, so I wouldn't know, ha.


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## Gabrielle Johnson

chickydoda said:


> I do! I remember the fuss everyone made around me when I got my first ipod- I was 13, I paid $550 for it, and no one else had one or really knew what they were. Ever since then, I've felt shame whenever I'd spent more on something then everyone else, even if it means at the expense of going out or buying lots of clothes.
> 
> I don't mind having expense things at home, where no one really sees them, but if I use them out and about, I feel like I'm showing off or making people feel bad. I'm about to get a tablet, and even though I'm excited, I don't feel like I can tell any of my friends, because they'll start asking how much I paid for it, than act like I'm crazy.
> 
> Whats your perspective on this? My parents both came from bottom income families, and now we're ''upper middle class'' although still far from the top 1%. It doesn't mean theres lots of spare money or anything, just that I'm not used to having lots of expensive things, wear labelled clothes, go to a private school etc. Having expensive things feels unnatural.


For me it depends where I am or who is around me. Usually I down play things or say I got it on sale(which is usually true)... but on one occasion when I started college I had saved up and bought a Mac Book pro and everyone was shocked on how much iI spent and for a second I thought to return it but the guilt wore off and I don't regret buying it.


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