# Have You Ever had a Crush on a Work Colleague?



## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

What attracted you to this person....and was there any follow through?


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## Negotiator (Mar 15, 2018)

I fell in love with a colleague because he was really kind and funny. We became a couple and he left for another job. Stayed together 5 years and we're still good friends. 

Also fell in love with a guy I was going to work with. We just communicated really well. We never did meet up a second time as some personal shit happened, though.


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## Antiparticle (Jan 8, 2013)

In my case the attraction in work-setting was towards a colleague who helped me with something (a project) when he didn’t have to, had nothing to gain from this in return, just invested his time and helped me to learn something. In the process he was really encouraging, I didn’t know why but I just went along (he could help me a lot because he was good in this/smart, whereas I knew almost nothing about the topic.)

For some reason, I was really attracted to this mentor-student situation (could be my 5 fix 😸).

Edit: Follow up: I learned that he looks at me exactly the same 4 years later (so obviously some things never change), despite me really progressing in this field and learning 99% new things compared to the first experience. I am not even sure he likes it. I think he only liked the helpless version of me. 😂 

Someone please analyse this through the male view.


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## Rivaloo (Nov 19, 2021)

Yeah I liked a coworker that only started a few days ago but come to find she's already engaged XD


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

Yes. Two weeks before I met husband for the first time, I had a thing with one of the maintenance men, at work. He was going through a divorce with his wife. Then we stopped seeing each other and I worked at the same place for another 20 years. It was just awkward, cuz, I swear word got around. Oh... if I could only live my life over again.... 🤕

Well once again I am in the wrong forum. Smdh. Why don't I EVER pay attention to where I am posting. Never.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Sure, many times. Up until my early 30s, I would act on it. Fortunately, it didn't lead to any major trouble.

As I got older, I was more careful and would not want the person to know. I would even avoid the person if my feelings were very strong.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

(Not an NT--I also didn't notice what subforum this was, until I read Sily's comment--I think it's the forum's new layout. I think I am an INFP)

I've had a couple crushes on my university teachers (so not colleagues, but still in a formal setting), and once had a crush on my boss.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Antiparticle said:


> In my case the attraction in work-setting was towards a colleague who helped me with something (a project) when he didn’t have to, had nothing to gain from this in return, just invested his time and helped me to learn something. In the process he was really encouraging, I didn’t know why but I just went along (he could help me a lot because he was good in this/smart, whereas I knew almost nothing about the topic.)
> 
> For some reason, I was really attracted to this mentor-student situation (could be my 5 fix 😸).
> 
> ...



I'm female so can't look through a male lens...but here's a few possible reasons...

1. Because he learned the subject ahead of you, he will always see you as being less knowledgeable than himself.

2. He isn't aware of how much knowledge you have gained, or the full extent of your acquired expertise.

3. He likes to think of you as needing his help, so that he can have a connection with you, in which he is needed.

( btw :I would personally most back reason number 3...which could umbrella reasons 1 and 2 as well)


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

WickerDeer said:


> (Not an NT--I also didn't notice what subforum this was, until I read Sily's comment--I think it's the forum's new layout. I think I am an INFP)
> 
> I've had a couple crushes on my university teachers (so not colleagues, but still in a formal setting), and once had a crush on my boss.


Feeling disappointed that you removed your original comment, but see why you chose this. 

I was waiting, until I had time to read your comment, so that I really absorb what you had written, as I know that your responses are always really well thought out and insightful. 

Really, I think that anyone can join in these topic discussions, regardless of type, as the wider spectrum of perspectives can be interesting, and informative for us all.


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## Antiparticle (Jan 8, 2013)

PersonaBelle said:


> I'm female so can't look through a male lens...but here's a few possible reasons...
> 
> 1. Because he learned the subject ahead of you, he will always see you as being less knowledgeable than himself.
> 
> ...


Yeah, all 3 make sense for him. I can see he feels the connection. But still kind of not clear why he is doing it. Maybe better question: Why do random people sometimes feel connection?


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

I had a massive crush on an intj coworker. 

Hell, I'd have dated her even at the expense of my religious community's thoughts about that and excommunication if she seemed interested. My parents may not have talked to me but it wouldn't really have mattered. 

Nothing really ever came about it though because i was far too scared to tell her and i think she only liked men. We did hangout a few times and I kept it friendly. She fascinated me, was brilliant, genuinely a good person and had a good sense of humor. 

I'm okay with how it turned out though. I quite like the person i married.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Oh i did also have a crush on a Ta once, but I told him and we dated for a while. It was allowed but another Ta had to grade my papers and such which seemed reasonable.


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## Winter-Rose (Jul 20, 2021)

Yeah, one time.
It was the first time I was working with a group of people, and they were all men (there was only a girl 3 hours per day).
Actually, I felt so alone when I was there, because they isolated me and talked about boring/male things. And my office was isolated too.
He was the only one who asked me if I was fine and smiled at me while joking, he seemed open/flirty (and single as well).

One day I asked him his number, it was hard because at that time I was shy. I was so happy when I got it because if you are in a relationship and you don't have some sort of feelings you don't give your number (that's what I call normality)...I thought there could be something, but it was a false alarm. So I went up and then down in a short time.

It was better in this way as some time later I noticed he was shallow (he had a girlfriend but he prefered going out with his friends or watching Netflix alone more than spending time with her...that's a teen relationship type and that's not what I was looking for). There was no compatibility on a deep level.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Yes. We completed each other's sentences and had our own verbal shorthand so transactions were completed at lightning speed. When we disagreed, it remained professional and didn't infect other interactions. If anything, I think he enjoyed and even provoked the heated exchanges. But the timing and situation were oh so bad so when I realized what was happening, shut it down, avoiding him as much as professionally possible. Unfortunately, he kept trying to engage, even surprise attending a dinner that ex-coworkers had arranged for me after I had left the job. It was a surprise because he worked in a different division, hence wasn't part of our divisional clique. Pretty sure it was because the woman who arranged the dinner had the uncanny ability to read people's emotions and a misguided sense of romance. Again, I froze him out and that was that.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

daleks_exterminate said:


> I had a massive crush on an intj coworker.
> 
> Hell, I'd have dated her even at the expense of my religious community's thoughts about that and excommunication if she seemed interested. My parents may not have talked to me but it wouldn't really have mattered.
> 
> ...


Sounds like it was pretty intense at the time. Good that you married someone you liked


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## Infinitus (Jul 12, 2019)

Woohoo, I can be the first person to answer...

No I have not.


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

EDIT: Oops, not an NT here. Leaving it anyway because I went through the trouble of typing it out.

Yes, three times. They all had satisfying interesting story arcs, imo.

First one, I was young and pretty unhealthy psychologically, I was married and fixated on her, I never made a pass but I'm sure I made things awkward. She shut me out for a while. Eventually, after many years, I worked there a long time, I got separated from my ex wife. The coworker and I started talking again and hanging out a little after work with other coworkers on occasion. If I had stayed in that town, who knows what might have happened?

The second was during the same "era". I didn't so much have a crush on this woman, I lusted after her. As time went on I found out she was trying to seduce me, and I wasn't the only one, it was a hobby of hers. Eventually she just straight out propositioned me, I turned her down, cuz married.

This one was when I was actually single and free. I was crushing hard on a woman in the office, I made sure to be ready to be in the right place at the right time. Eventually I found it, kind of. I ended up at a party with her, a mutual (female) co-worker got stumbly obnoxiously drunk, so we took her to bed. The drunk coworker asked us to stay, and things started getting sexy with everybody. Then ANOTHER coworker dropped in, a guy, and things got really sexy. But I really didn't want to get in a foursome, heck I didn't even want to be in a threesome, I got out of there. Who knows what ended up happening.


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## PersonaBelle (Nov 1, 2020)

Whippit said:


> EDIT: Oops, not an NT here. Leaving it anyway because I went through the trouble of typing it out.
> 
> Yes, three times. They all had satisfying interesting story arcs, imo.
> 
> ...


Those were interesting stories. Especially the third one. Life can be so unpredictable. Thanks for sharing.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

PersonaBelle said:


> What attracted you to this person....and was there any follow through?


Yes, when I was young and stupid. After a few times, I realized it was just not a good idea. Even when it goes well, there's always the chance it will eventually go badly, and you'll still have to deal with that person every day.

The metaphor below exemplifies things well (caution, it is a bit vulgar).


* *




Never shit where you eat.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Yes I have. We worked on a campus painting crew as a summer job in college. She was just absolutely gorgeous. Glossy black hair, tan skin. And chill. None of the cutesy bullshit so many young women put on. 

I invited her to my studio one day after the summer job was over. The anxiety was like my body was filled with pressure but I managed to tell her just before she drove off what I thought of her. I feel like that was a mistake. It was unnatural for me. I was just following pop psychology dating advice because I didn't know what else to do.

Nothing came of it. I'm glad of that now because things could have gotten ugly for me. We weren't compatible for one thing because she is Catholic, and I know now that I can't stand religious people, especially theists. I was too open-minded and naive when I was younger.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> Glossy black hair, tan skin.


I mean tan as in light-to-medium brown, not suntanned.


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## Something Awfuln't (Nov 22, 2021)

99% of time I worked alone XD


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