# I'm an ESFJ. A lot of people seem to dislike ESFJ's and say they are annoying



## MrsAndrewJacoby (Apr 11, 2013)

Northern Lights said:


> Stop listening to a lot of people that seem to dislike ESFJs and say they are annoying.
> 
> Unless you are annoying. Then change that. Are you annoying?


The BEST answer in this whole thread. Sometimes I :love_heart: the bluntness of a Ti dom, LOL.


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## SilverKelpie (Mar 9, 2015)

If you make a recipe with Minute Rice and someone suggests Jasmine, don't come to the conclusion that they hate your recipe and the world is ending. Other than that, ESFJs are one of the MBTI boogeymen in the minds of the IN-dominant dark holes of the internet. Some see ESFJs as those monsters telling them to clean up their rooms and get out and do something useful, which is, of course, horrifying. Those particular people are being narrow-minded, tribalistic, and generally not using MBTI well. Roll your eyes, bless their hearts, and be happy you are ESFJ.


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## JoyFlower (Jan 17, 2017)

OMG Lol


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## Happy29 (Jul 31, 2016)

But for everyone who thinks we're annoying, there are a lot more who just love us. We wouldn't be so popular if people didn't like us! So don't worry about the haters...in the words of Taylor Swift (who may be one of us)...shake it off. :smile:


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

JoyFlower said:


> What tips would you give me not to be annoying?


Speak to types that don't find ESFJs annoying.
Avoid INTJs for starters.
Go to ISFJs and ENFJ instead, should be a good starting point.


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## Candy Apple (Sep 10, 2015)

Happy29 said:


> But for everyone who thinks we're annoying, there are a lot more who just love us. We wouldn't be so popular if people didn't like us! So don't worry about the haters...in the words of Taylor Swift (who may be one of us)...shake it off. :smile:


 @*Happy29* <3 <3 <3

A real pleasant ESFJ.


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

Nopes. I don't hate esfj, sometimes they do stuffs for me. Which is good. Thanks efjs

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk


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## lookslikeiwin (May 6, 2014)

Everyone else has already said it many times; you're not automatically annoying because you're an ESFJ. It's just an IN dominated world in MBTI, and SPs (particularly STPs) get a cooler reputation.

I admit the ESFJs in my life are annoying (though at least one of them would make an amazing sitcom character), but A) you're not all the same (in fact, SJs seem to be the most diverse types from my experience), and B) most people don't understand how awesome SJs are.

My advice is to just be real (don't lie, even if it seems like the nice thing to do), and be kind (like letting others talk during a conversation haha).


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## Happy29 (Jul 31, 2016)

Candy Apple said:


> @*Happy29* <3 <3 <3
> 
> A real pleasant ESFJ.


Aww, thank you! :blushed:


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## Zelda Scroll (Dec 29, 2016)

Mainly because, ESFJ's have this tendency to get involved with other people's business, and tell them what they should do, but really what goes through my mind is the fact that you shouldn't be telling people what they should be doing in the first place, when most of the time I've known the ESFJ's that I've come across to do something hypocritical/contradictory, which to me defeats the objective in which they are trying to achieve, So i see most of them as dumb and irrational as fuck, It's almost like trying to play as a rational saint, when your actually just thick as shit. I can understand how a INTJ would get stressed by a ESFJ. 

ENFP


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## Zelda Scroll (Dec 29, 2016)

Why avoid INTJ's? you are one yourself it says in your description lol, I can't comment on ISFJ's because I don't actually know anyone that is one, and ENFJ's eugh, self-centred individuals. They make you feel so warm, but they are actually cold asf.


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## Jeffrei (Aug 23, 2016)

I actually like healthy ESFJs (heck I like any healthy type). The ones that annoy me are typically just controlling and have a tendancy to gossip. Other than that they are pretty cool people.


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## vhaydenlv (May 3, 2017)

ESFJs are actually nice. I like you, I do, but _please_ mind your business unless I ask you for help.


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## mar89 (May 31, 2017)

Giving too much life advice.
Asking 'are you ok?' over and over again...
Always doing something, rather than just BEING

I feel mean saying that because on one hand I really appreciate kindness, but on the other, I can generally look after myself pretty well thank you very much


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## Young (Jan 22, 2017)

Stop overcaring, some people really mean they need no help when they say they need no help
When people tell you something, don't tell it to other people. My ESFJ-friend does this all the time, I can tell him literally nothing because he trusts people way to fast and just spreads my shit. I really like to kill him sometimes.
Chill out and think before you speak. Some people might not be interested in the stuff you are talking about, especially when you are explaining your family-composition. Talk about things other people might be interested in, too. 
Don't try to make manipulate people by making them a bad conscience. Every ESFJ I know tries that and it really never works.


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## justMatt (May 4, 2017)

Jonneh said:


> I actually like healthy ESFJs (heck I like any healthy type). The ones that annoy me are typically just controlling and have a tendancy to gossip. Other than that they are pretty cool people.


I keep running into you on this ESFJ topic...must be fate

I honestly really like what most people consider attributes of an ESFJ, I really appreciate what their type, as well as other types, bring to the table. I`ve never been keen on gossip, so that would be a big point to mention. I think being upfront and honest with people is a good attribute, not that the ESFJ isn`t, but they tend to avoid stepping on toes to avoid confrontation. Just overall communication is a biggie.


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

Who knew giving a shit about anything was such a crime?


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## PiT (May 6, 2017)

DOGSOUP said:


> Who knew giving a shit about anything was such a crime?


There's nothing wrong with caring, but trying to help when no help is solicited can be a major pet peeve for certain personality types. Owing to how private I am, this kind of unsolicited intervention by anyone but my closest friends is met with hostility.


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## Turi (May 9, 2017)

I know an ESFJ.
At her best she's great, helpful, caring, like they say in the stereotypes.

When she's not at her best, everything has to be her way or the highway, no compromises.
Also, if there's any disagreement with what she says, she basically tries to beat it into your brain - won't give up on it, even if it's an opinion - i.e "doesn't bla bla kinda look like bla bla bla" and I'll say no.. well, I won't hear the end of that, ever.

Constantly I will hear "bla bla bla does look like bla bla bla you know" etc, on and on, until I pretend to agree at which point she acts like "you're just saying that". Well yeah, I've stood my ground for like 2 weeks on this. I don't want to hear it anymore, I don't agree with you, end of discussion. 

Just leave it there. But, she doesn't.. then that somehow winds up as me lying to her in the future - "remember that time you lied to me about bla bla bla looking like bla bla bla bla". I mean, wtf.


They also have a way of making you feel bad if you don't help them out with chores etc, they know you don't want to do them - they don't even find them of high importance - but they'll do them and make sure you feel bad about it, so you get up and help them out.

I suppose in a way, they can be quite manipulative, and if you call them out on it, they'll have a break down about how you don't like them. It's like this whole life thing is their way or the highway when they're at their worst.


These are the people who go back to the shop and ask to speak to the manager over the slightest thing.
These are the people who drive all the way back to KFC because they got 2 bits of chicken instead of the 3 they asked for.
These are the people who get involved with all of the local community clubs, not because they genuinely want to help everyone out, but because it provides their brain (and friends) some gossip over a coffee at various times during the week.

At their best they're great, I'm married to one and she's beautiful, but I know one who's the not-so-nice variant and I mean geez, I can't stand her. Can't tolerate her.
She grinds absolutely all of my gears. I see straight through her charade.


My wife shares some of these traits.. but only when she's feeling down or stressed about something - usually she is how the descriptions say - she's less.. airy-fairy.. than they make out.. I feel like the descriptions make them sound like 0 intelligence grandmas who exist purely to make everything happy, my wife is highly intelligent and doesn't miss a trick - so there's a quicker, smarter side to her than the descriptions say.. yet, she does get ESFJ every time and I agree with a lot of it for her.


Anyway, the annoying bit - don't do all the stuff I mentioned the other ESFJ does.

Don't be all manipulative. Fake. Gossipy. Deliberately trying to play off peoples emotions/feelings to get them to do things for you or make them feel bad for not doing things. Don't try to brainwash people with your opinions, they're not everybodys truth.
Other people think, and are allowed to think, different things to you.

Just keep all that in mind and the generic ESFJ stereotype becomes far more tolerable.


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

PiT said:


> There's nothing wrong with caring, but trying to help when no help is solicited can be a major pet peeve for certain personality types. Owing to how private I am, this kind of unsolicited intervention by anyone but my closest friends is met with hostility.


How would you prefer us to express that we care?


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## cuddle bun (Jun 2, 2017)

Northern Lights said:


> From a rational perspective, this sounds perfectly ridiculous. If I don't need help, I don't need help, so stop annoying me with asking whether I do need help, after all (or worse, actually start "helping" and inevitably being a hindrance).
> 
> But yes -- in the name of different people being different, and understanding and compromise making any sort of relationship work, this is pretty wise advice. Even from a completely self-interested point of view, going some extra lengths to accommodate others is worthwhile, if it means everything works more smoothly all around; and of course, if you care about some person, you should be interested in their happiness as well. And if the same is true for that person, they also won't mind not budging in if you truly don't need their help for once.
> 
> Y'know, it's almost as if all one would have to be to make this life thingy work is a mature, balanced person ... :tongue:


Yes...with my mom it usually plays out like this ...sometimes my internal knee jerk reaction is "I don't want help" because I do want privacy. but upon contemplation I realize they are not mutually exclusive. If I give her a very detailed job that doesn't require too much personal detail from me then she is very happy helping and I am also happy having privacy...and I am happy getting help with something detailed that I didn't want to do  If the job is chosen carefully then it doesn't feel like a compromise on my values. but still I can see why T people would be less likely to like this strategy than Fs.


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## spaceynyc (Feb 18, 2017)

Stevester said:


> ESFJs are notorious for butting into people's business and thinking they know what's best for everybody. They can look down on people doing their own thing and not caring what others think.
> 
> So that........don't do that.


my ESFJ mom fits this description for the most part lol


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