# ESTP's and Fidelity



## scriddle21 (Mar 4, 2016)

From what I've read, the ESTP personality is very "live in the moment" and only sticks around as long as they are having fun. Is this true, or just a generalization? 
Further, do ESTP's often find it hard to stay faithful to one partner? Especially when they begin to become comfortable with one another and it's no longer as exciting? 
What might make an ESTP devoted to a single partner?


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

> From what I've read, the ESTP personality is very "live in the moment" and only sticks around as long as they are having fun. Is this true, or just a generalization?


I guess I would say there is some truth to the live in the moment and preferring fun. 
But A. We are still individuals with different temperaments, B. I would think this would be circumstantial & 
C. I think that some types might categorize us as like this from a fleeting experience more so then serious hands on experience. What I mean is that I am hard to tie down so I date around alot, but I do not have issue with committing to the right person in the right circumstances mutually. But that leaves people along the way I may have seen and then wrote off who would maybe say I cannot commit. (Eh no I can commit, just not when I am not feeling it)



> Further, do ESTP's often find it hard to stay faithful to one partner?


Well I am not known as a cheater. Serial dater yes. But cheater no. I will say I have had a tendency to move on quickly sexually from relationships when I left. But no I have not been a physical cheater. But if a relationship is near an end and I have tried to salvage it and see no mutual effort to try and get things sparked again well I guess I start reaching outbound socially usually. I have always been unconventional tho as far as flashing/streaking and tho I like hetero romance/sex, I am bisexual (this has created friction in the past on blurred lines a person may say they are ok with one thing but then end up later not being and dangling it over my head)



> Especially when they begin to become comfortable with one another and it's no longer as exciting?


Hmm well I reached out quite a bit to my ex to try and rekindle things. I do not just give up on someone when I am in love. But that said I also will not beat a dead horse. I cannot stay in a miserable setting. But my track record shows I stay long enough to say I tried and did not just bolt. 

But what I will say also is that when I did end up leaving my serious partners they presented to others it was sudden. (It was not) So from the outside in to others it looked sudden. And well being an ESTP I have a huge level of preservation in terms of not airing all my romance drama for everyone so I appeared in my relationships like it was all fine and dandy in many regards. So that too could play a role in how from the outside others could take it as I just bolted at boredom (no there were deep rooted issues that were just not announced to others like it was everyones business)



> What might make an ESTP devoted to a single partner?


Deep Mutual Love
Compatibility
Passion

I cannot speak for others but I need a healthy balance of passion and compatibility. 

Anyways I am a romantic at heart. I guess I think my ideal partner can likely handle me and not feel too threatened and worried by me but understand me (and I them). A big problem I ran into in my few serious but long term relationships was people who felt threatened and needed alot of reassurance. I guess I think if I was understood properly it would dissolve that. Yes I need alot of excitement but that can come in many different ways. Also I recognize to look for those things myself in activity not just in sex. I think I would value a very strong romantic connection too much given my own experience with doubt and misunderstanding in the past and being loved for ideals rather then who I am that if I really found a partner I felt we were on the same wave length as each other I would not take it lightly or forgranted. Again I cannot speak for others. 

I gotta say tho even young like as a teen I really never had a cheating mentality. Serial dater yes. But I am a loyal person to the right person. Even if unconventional in some ways.


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## scriddle21 (Mar 4, 2016)

Thank you so much for your in-depth answer! It's very informative, and helpful.


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## Rabid Seahorse (Mar 10, 2015)

scriddle21 said:


> From what I've read, the ESTP personality is very "live in the moment" and only sticks around as long as they are having fun. Is this true, or just a generalization?
> Further, do ESTP's often find it hard to stay faithful to one partner? Especially when they begin to become comfortable with one another and it's no longer as exciting?
> What might make an ESTP devoted to a single partner?


They do enjoy living in the moment and making the most of the here-and-now because it's their preferred lifestyle. Introverted intuition (Ni) is their inferior function, meaning they don't really use or like forecasting consequences as much as they do acting. But to say they only stick around while they're having fun is an exaggeration. Like all people, they reflect and introspect if they think or feel they're doing something wrong. 

As for the relationship questions, in my experience most ESTP's are actually very loyal once they choose to commit. They enjoy casual sex and playing the field more than other types, but if they are genuinely attracted and want a relationship with someone, they are faithful. It's more of a matter of if they want to commit or not. A lot of times they simply don't want to. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't know ESTP's with faithful, long-term relationships.


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## spidair (Mar 9, 2016)

scriddle21 said:


> From what I've read, the ESTP personality is very "live in the moment" and only sticks around as long as they are having fun. Is this true, or just a generalization?


 Can only speak for myself here, but I've had some problems coping with "stick in it" in relationships, yes... finding my self thinking "Is this really all?" and "Is this really what I want?". But I sticked around... and isn't everyone from time to time grow a little bored of it all and sometimes crave for something new?



scriddle21 said:


> Further, do ESTP's often find it hard to stay faithful to one partner? Especially when they begin to become comfortable with one another and it's no longer as exciting?


No, when I am with a woman I AM with that woman, thats it!! No fooling around. I'm 49 and have been married two times and devorced two times, but I never been unfaithful, not even once... I've been sleeping around a lot after my second devorce two years ago, but that is something else... I do not want commitment at all now, so I do not look for commitment either... 




scriddle21 said:


> What might make an ESTP devoted to a single partner?


Deep love I'll say too.. And for the partner to recognize that we sometimes need to do something active.. Something that gives us energy.... That's was what killed my first marriage, she only wanted to watch TV and stay at home with our kids and I wanted to DO something, go somewhere, do something active and use my body, and when I finally did something (for not to die forever inside of pure boredom...) I ended up doing it alone and we just drifted apart after that... 

Everything goes both ways...


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Rabid Seahorse said:


> They do enjoy living in the moment and making the most of the here-and-now because it's their preferred lifestyle. Introverted intuition (Ni) is their inferior function, meaning they don't really use or like forecasting consequences as much as they do acting. But to say they only stick around while they're having fun is an exaggeration. Like all people, they reflect and introspect if they think or feel they're doing something wrong.
> 
> As for the relationship questions, in my experience most ESTP's are actually very loyal once they choose to commit. They enjoy casual sex and playing the field more than other types, but if they are genuinely attracted and want a relationship with someone, they are faithful. It's more of a matter of if they want to commit or not. A lot of times they simply don't want to. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't know ESTP's with faithful, long-term relationships.


I agree with this----ESTP's are actually very loyal once they choose to commit. 

I do not get in a relationship if I plan on fucking around. What is the point? Wasted energy and time. If they made it to the relationship point~ they have my attention. It is how you handle the temptation along the way. We are in the moment but, a more mature ESTP will put more thought verses action or immediate gratification into play. I have had to work hard on the not acting out. Not sure if it is an ESTP thing but, used to, if I was unhappy with a situation or was having SEVERE difficulties, and there was no effort to remedy it... I would act out and have less thought on consequences. That does not necessarily mean cheat-it did not for me. But, some ESTPs do not like their backs against a wall. (unless in a sexual manner ; ) ) That would be the one situation where I THINK infidelity would more likely occur with a less developed ESTP. 

You may also want to tag this in the ESTP forum- ESTP Forum - The Doers ( you will get more of a response from ESTPs)or scroll through it ...I am sure this has been asked before.


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## JacksonHeights (Nov 6, 2015)

Tbh I think all ExxPs have problems with commitment, it's too hard for us to focus on just one thing when there are so many possibilites out there!


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## ColorfulButterfly (Oct 7, 2016)

Being interested and interesting. I value adventure, excitement , confidence ( not egotistical) , and great sex! Someone easy to talk to , get along with easy, communicates and I can have a mental repor with. I don't like to many emotional hangups, it's ok to have emotions and I can be understanding, just not when the person is all depressed , confrontational, blaming, accusing etc. Someone has to do those things in a way that slowly lets down my guard vs coming straight at me or I'll blow up on them, get angry etc. I have a very upbeat attitude so I like fun sarcasm , witty banner but not done in a insulting way because I do not intimidate well at all. Someone who wants to go out and do things, has something to talk about that we would have in common, seems interested in getting to know me and interested in me. It's like I can read where a guy is at and I sense he isn't present or interested, acts aloof or doesn't want to be bothered. I just move on, too boring, dull and draining.I think he has to be around a lot as well because I get irritated, bored and want something else fun to do , with someone else who seems fun and able to offer more.

I think an ESTP has to just want to be there, nothing you can manipulate or use to hold them, that in itself seems confining.


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## Nothing1 (Jan 22, 2014)

I've never met a faithful ESTP. I love them, but I'd rather date an ISTP.


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## BearRun (Mar 3, 2017)

Keeping in mine my age and my friends ages (in college still), I've yet to see my EXXP friends in serious, long term relationships. Getting any kind of commitment from them is difficult, even as a long term friend. They don't like commitment. At least they're honest about disliking commitment. Going on a few dates is not a commitment. If they've seen you a handful of times and no explicit promises have been made, you do not have a commitment with them. You really have to spell out that this is a serious, long term, exclusive relationship, but don't demand it too early. If you have something good going on, then be specific and don't be shy. 

They're a good bunch, but it has to be something worthwhile before they'll make any promises.


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## Stevester (Feb 28, 2016)

I don't like stereotypes, and I like my ESTPs. But sorry, this one in my experience never seems to fail.

Literally every ESTP I know cheats on their girlfriend without one shred of remorse, essentially playing the _''As long as you don't get caught''_ game. And yet I've also seen several incidence where they all of a sudden fall completely head over heels for a girl withing hours and are convinced that she's ''the one'' only to be left emotionally devastated when it doesn't work out. I'm pretty sure that's Inferior Ni.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

I don't think I've ever seen an ESTP playing the fiddle...


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## ColorfulButterfly (Oct 7, 2016)

If I chose to commit to someone then I can be tenaciasly loyal.


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## Jeffrei (Aug 23, 2016)

scriddle21 said:


> From what I've read, the ESTP personality is very "live in the moment" and only sticks around as long as they are having fun. Is this true, or just a generalization?
> Further, do ESTP's often find it hard to stay faithful to one partner? Especially when they begin to become comfortable with one another and it's no longer as exciting?
> What might make an ESTP devoted to a single partner?


This is a generalization and is not true of all ESTPs. I have an ESTP brother and he has only had one girlfriend (now wife). He is faithful to her no mater what comes their way. It is really inspiring (and yes I am sure he is accurately typed). Don't take the stereotypes too seriously. There are always individuals who don't fit the generalization.


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## Wolf (Mar 20, 2016)

I'm sure infidelity is more common in immature people of all types, including ESTP individuals. I think the ESTP folk get a bad rap though when it comes to commitment because a handful of them do like to experiment/play the field/stay casual sexually for some time. However, from what I can tell, once an ESTP really wants to commit, they generally don't have many issues with staying loyal to their partner. It's just the matter of finding the right one to devote themselves to.


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