# Eye Contact and Introverts



## Ycat93 (Jan 13, 2013)

I always find it extremely uncomfortable to keep eye contact for extended periods of time when talking to someone. It's too intimate, I guess. Anyway, I was wondering if other fellow introverts had similar problems and whether there was a correlation between being introverted and feeling uncomfortable sustaining long periods of intimate eye contact. Random note: It sucks that most of the important people (teachers, bosses, people in leadership positions) I have to converse with enjoy staring you down until you look away first, which I always do. When I talk, I like to look around me, but it doesn't mean I'm not paying just as much attention to someone.


----------



## Misericorde (Jan 8, 2013)

I don't have problem with eye contact.. when I'm _listening. _
If I have to make a reply, or if they've stopped talking, I tend to be unable to sustain eye contact for too long. 
I've been trying to be more aware of my eye contact while having a conversation, as to not break away so much when it's my turn to talk. I figure sometimes it must make me look like a liar or disinterested or something when I really just have a sudden spike of feeling uneasy. 
Though generally this is all void with friends.


----------



## Raichu (Aug 24, 2012)

If I'm just sitting talking to someone, I'll make eye contact, but I have to remind myself to do it sometimes. I like to, though. I feel awkward if I don't. On the other hand, sometimes you're talking to someone while you're doing something else, like, I don't know, washing dishes? In those cases, I don't feel the need. But, yeah, I'd rather make eye contact than just look around the room. That just feels really awkward, talking to someone without looking at them. Also, I really like making eye contact. It helps you tell what they're saying, you know?


----------



## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Me too! I have to talk to this really outgoing ESTP all of the time and I find making eye contact with him is really hard... :-/


----------



## The Hungry One (Jan 26, 2011)

I find it awkward too! I keep remembering it's what I'm supposed to do, so I force myself to look in their general direction, but I don't actually look into their eyes. Even when I'm looking at their eyes, I'm actually focusing on some middle distance. I smile a lot so they don't notice how uncomfortable I am.

People tell me I look kind of stoned.


----------



## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

The Hungry One said:


> I find it awkward too! I keep remembering it's what I'm supposed to do, so I force myself to look in their general direction, but I don't actually look into their eyes. Even when I'm looking at their eyes, I'm actually focusing on some middle distance. I smile a lot so they don't notice how uncomfortable I am.
> 
> People tell me I look kind of stoned.


Same here. ^__^ People don't usually tell me I look stoned, though, they think I look worried... probably due to my eyes beating around every which way. So awkward!


----------



## Alaya (Nov 11, 2009)

Like someone else said above, I can easily make eye contact when I'm listening to someone but if it's just a general or casual eye-contact I have a really hard time. It's also difficult when I'm talking since the majority of the time I'm structuring my thoughts so they come out coherently in speech so I end up moving my eyes all over the place except to the other people listening.


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

I don't have a problem with eye contact. But people have said I have "piercing eyes," and sometimes feel uncomfortable, because if I'm talking/listening to you, I maintain eye contact with you.


----------



## electricky (Feb 18, 2011)

Very rarely do I look people directly in the eye....... my eyes go everywhere, I can't control them except for those rare moments where I am just taking in another person's words and nothing more, or I'm just totally zoned out, and even then I have to force the eye contact.

Would you say that it is situation specific in your case? In my case it's not, it doesn't matter if I've known someone 2 seconds or 20 years. I'm not even too sure how aversion to the intimacy of eye contact would relate more to introverts than to extraverts.


----------



## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

I usually don't have trouble with eye contact. I guess it's just a subconscious signal of your level of assertiveness. When speaking casually with someone, my eyes naturally go everywhere depending on what part of my brain I'm using. But I have no problem staring people down if need be - I just very rarely see the point.


----------



## darkschoolnight (Aug 27, 2012)

As an extrovert, there was a period in my life when I couldn't look anyone in the eye (I either felt intimidated by the other person's gaze, or feared I might be coming on too strongly if I returned it), so instead I concentrated on people's mouths. I became intimately acquainted with the different shapes of lips and teeth out there......weird, I know. You'd think that'd come out feeling even more awkward. 

As for other introverts, I haven't noticed a lack of eye contact, but I definitely sense (what appears to me) "introverted energy"--if someone appears to me more reserved--whether by speaking with a gentler or more passive tone, appearing not as "excitable," or even possessing more subdued facial expressions--I'm more likely to type them as an introvert.


----------



## Ycat93 (Jan 13, 2013)

ElectricSparkle said:


> Very rarely do I look people directly in the eye....... my eyes go everywhere, I can't control them except for those rare moments where I am just taking in another person's words and nothing more, or I'm just totally zoned out, and even then I have to force the eye contact.
> 
> Would you say that it is situation specific in your case? In my case it's not, it doesn't matter if I've known someone 2 seconds or 20 years. I'm not even too sure how aversion to the intimacy of eye contact would relate more to introverts than to extraverts.


I was just exploring the possibility whether or not introverts tend to feel uncomfortable looking someone in the eye. It would not exactly be the cause, but a pattern seen. I assumed (Yes, I know what happens when you assume ) extroverts might have an easier time dealing with eye contact because they are in most cases able to more easily socialize.

One question: Do you feel uncomfortable looking someone in the eye for a long time or is it just a habit that you tend not to do it? 

Of course, I could completely be wrong that there is any correlation between introverts and eye contact, but that's why I'm asking it on a forum, instead of doing something more drastic (like publishing my theory in the top science magazine.) 

Thanks for your input ElectricSparkle and everyone else.


----------



## Sinthemoon (Jan 9, 2013)

Ycat93 said:


> I was just exploring the possibility whether or not introverts tend to feel uncomfortable looking someone in the eye. It would not exactly be the cause, but a pattern seen. I assumed (Yes, I know what happens when you assume ) extroverts might have an easier time dealing with eye contact because they are in most cases able to more easily socialize.
> 
> One question: Do you feel uncomfortable looking someone in the eye for a long time or is it just a habit that you tend not to do it?
> 
> ...


I'll give you a secret. I couldn't do it at all before. I was just looking all around without even seeing the person in front of me. I listened really well, but not much looking.
Then I got treated for ADD. Now, I maintain eye contact (I look at the outer end of the right eye in fact) when listening or silent. It doesn't require meds anymore, but it's still easier with them.
I think eye-contact is a complex neurochemical process. It might depend on the function you're currently using, though. It could be an interesting research topic.


----------



## iCastPizza (Feb 3, 2011)

I can't maintain eye contact for too long, because I tend to sort of drown into somebody's eyes and completely miss the whole conversation. I look around a little or, when in a group, I have short times of eye contact with everybody, but if I maintain it with someone I'll just become too involved with reading the expression. 

So that's really why I tend to avoid eye contact a little.. so I can focus on the conversation.


----------



## outofplace (Dec 19, 2012)

For me, it depends on the situation and who you're comfortable with. If I ask an individual a question and they are answering or explaining the answer to me, I will sustain eye contact with them. If someone asks me a question on a topic I am very knowledgable about, I will respond with some eye contact. If I am arguing or debating a point with someone else, I will definitely maintain eye contact for a very long time. Now, if I was making casual conversation with a complete stranger (say, in line at the grocery store or at a bus stop), then no, my eyes will be all over the place.


----------



## Hosker (Jan 19, 2011)

Eye contact often makes me feel too close to the person I'm talking to, so with most people I don't make much. I have, however, been practicing making more eye contact and it feels slightly less overwhelming than what it once did.


----------



## rainbowarriorz (Jan 9, 2013)

I relate to a lot of people on here actually.. I used to not have much of a problem with it and in fact enjoyed looking into people's eyes, even if a self-concious thought entered my mind I'd easily shove it aside and continue on with what we were talking about...I think I used to be a lot more comfortable in my own skin that I'd appreciated at the time...but anyway, these days I'm much more aware of it and when it enters my mind, I can't get it out. I feel like my gaze is too intense...a little like my avatar if I'm honest.


----------



## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

I like eye contact alot, I feel like people have too much of an uneasy reaction to eye contact and I don't understand why.


----------



## VereCreperum (Jan 17, 2013)

I used to hate eye contact but, I also had to practice it. The only problem I have with it is that I see emotional responses to things I say and I end up confronting people on it so, I'm trying to actually lessen my eye contact again.


----------



## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

i'm an introvert and am usually comfortable with eye contact. actually i love it. but there are occasions when it makes me uncomfortable...like when i want to keep my emotions to myself, since my eyes tell all.

it's natural if you're shy or unused to it, or if you're a private person and your eyes are more expressive than you wish they were, or if the other person's face is wearing an overly intimate, intimidating, angry, or deviant expression, to feel uneasy over eye contact.


----------



## Traum (Jan 3, 2012)

I'm very shy, so I don't make eye contact. I am not sure if this applies to all introverts, because not all introverts are shy.


----------



## rainbowarriorz (Jan 9, 2013)

chaoticbrain said:


> I like eye contact alot, I feel like people have too much of an uneasy reaction to eye contact and I don't understand why.


Because the eyes never lie...


----------



## Coldspot (Nov 7, 2011)

Misericorde said:


> I don't have problem with eye contact.. when I'm _listening. _
> If I have to make a reply, or if they've stopped talking, I tend to be unable to sustain eye contact for too long.
> I've been trying to be more aware of my eye contact while having a conversation, as to not break away so much when it's my turn to talk. I figure sometimes it must make me look like a liar or disinterested or something when I really just have a sudden spike of feeling uneasy.
> Though generally this is all void with friends.


I'm also comfortable with eye contact while listening rather than talking. I think it might have something to do with taking in everything while listening and showing everything when talking. I am very comfortable with learning more about everyone I interact with. It's showing who I am to others that I am uncomfortable with and will portray a different persona when in public. My eyes are a part of that persona. When talking, my eyes will default back to my usual self, and this can potentially allow others to gain more knowledge of me than I would like them to have.


----------



## planemo (May 7, 2012)

Indeed, human faces confuse me. My thoughts 'stop' if I watch someone for over 0.5 seconds. Blockade. 
So, if I engage in discussion with a friend, after they leave I catch myself not being able to remember how they 'looked like' today. All I have is vague image in my head. Silly.


----------



## Felidire (Jan 12, 2013)

Personally, I don't think that it's really relevant (or it could be totally relevant, for all I know! XD) but it seems to me more like something of an acquired preference.



Ycat93 said:


> It's too intimate, I guess.


I can't think of a much better way to describe it, looking into someone else's while they look back into yours... It instills a feeling of unease, probably from a combination of things; dislike being the focus of attention; feels like they're gauging my reactions or facial expressions. A lot of the time, the actual eye-to-eye feels to me as if they're "peeeeering into my sooooul~" XD and that's not really a feeling that I want to share with someone i'm not emotionally close to.

When someone talks to me, i'll hold eye contact for 3-5 seconds, then my eyes will start to wander but my head will usually remain facing in their general direction - my eyes jump back and forth between the person and the environment for brief seconds of eye contact. It's just how I prefer to take in informaton, might look like i'm spaced out but that's entirely not the case (if it was then i'd say "Huh, what? ...Wasn't listening!" - I'm much more comfortable looking at someone's face when i'm the one talking. My eyes still wander a little bit though, especially if they come off as someone who feels the same way as I do - if they are, i'll know, so whatever helps them feel more comfortable I suppose.

Also, (and this one's pretty bad, being a guy and all) I'm _always_ more focused on listening to what the person speaking to me is saying, and not so much _what _i'm looking at. (Yeah, you guessed it!) A lot of the time, I won't even be processing or taking in visual information; i'm just far too deep in thought. So yeah, if you're ever talking to an introverted guy, their eyes are wandering all over the place, and they eventually end up staring at your chest... Keep in mind that it's not _always_ intentional - and what's really funny is that you're processing so much information, that it'll take the guy a little bit before he catches up to speed and then realized just exactly what it is that he's looking at for the past 6-8 seconds. Then they're (and I think this is possibly Fi) all thinking to themselves: "Oh, sh!t!! Omg... This person must be thinking i'm a total perv!" ... Or maybe that's just me, but I think it's hilarious.

When i'm in a bad mood, or if I don't want to talk - then i'll usually hold eye contact for significantly lengthier periods at a time. I think that's in an attempt to convey my emotions. In that state, i'm usually very candid and/or cold.


----------



## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

I always tested as an INTJ, but always 1-12% 'I,' and was convinced that I was, indeed extroverted.

One of the reasons why I've realized I'm an extrovert is my ability to keep eye contact for a long time (yes, even to the moment of creepiness).

I actually have to make it an issue NOT to keep eye contact for too long. I also think eye contact is a confidence thing. I knew extroverts that are AFRAID to keep eye contact for more than, say, 3 seconds, but they are usually young, immature, and/or not very confident. 

When I meet a pretty girl or someone of high esteem (i.e. I met John McCain once), it IS actually harder for me to keep eye contact, but usually when I meet a businessman, doctor, or whatever, I have NO problem making eye contact and shaking hands. Actually, sometimes those who are well off in the business world (or whatever) DON'T keep eye contact. I wouldn't call it disrespectful as much as I would call it unprofessional. Still though, I've gained A LOT of respect from people for my ability to firm handshake and lock eyes. A skill I recommend all obtain.

One of my professors (actually, a psychology professor) was a very colorful guy, very interested in learning about people, talking to people, and learning names. I could have sworn he was an extrovert. Then, he told me that he usually tests as an introvert. I thought that was insane, but when I shook his hand, he looked down, and I saw him walk on campus with his head to the ground (a very telltale sign of an introvert).


----------



## hulia (Sep 13, 2012)

I'm an introvert who has no problem with eye contact or keeping it. It just doesn't bother me.


----------



## Lacrimosa (Jan 5, 2013)

When listening to people, I can maintain eye contact for much longer than when I'm talking or explaining to people. 
But it's usually the details of a person's face that I'm looking at when listening, not them directly. 
I tend to drift my gaze away to the nearest object that surrounds me when I begin to talk to another person. The last time I looked someone in the eye while I was talking, I began to stutter.


----------



## Azure_Sky (Oct 9, 2012)

It depends on the situation and who I'm talking with.


----------



## Dashing (Sep 19, 2011)

I like it. Sometimes borders on staring.


----------



## HopeForNow (Jan 18, 2013)

Yes, it depends on the situation... I can maintain eye contact when I'm listening to people but usually when I'm talking I can't keep eye contact for too long... I'm very shy


----------



## MrShatter (Sep 28, 2010)

This could also be a Sp/So vs Sx inst. variant thing
Sx prefer eye contact
Sp dislike it (in my experience and from what I've read)
So... I would say their energy is a bit more scattered. Don't know how it would effect eye contact.


----------



## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

Yep, I'm like that too.
If I know somebody really well, I have no problem whatsoever with eye-contact. But if I don't know them that well, it can feel either too intimate or just it can just be too much information to take in at once.
But I read about eye-contact in an introduction to social psychology and it said that mutual gaze lasts 1 second on average. One person unilaterally gazing at another lasts 3 seconds on average. When people make prolongued eye-contact, it's usually because they want to ingratiate themselves or persuade you (according to that book). 
So I wouldn't worry too much about it. Apparently, people use staring as a tool and it's not just some nice and sociable thing that they do out of altruism.


----------



## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

By "eye contact" I mean I LITERALLY could stare into someone's eyes for a LONG time. Looking at someone's facial features is STILL considered eye contact (above the nose) but less creepy. I have the ability (and I do it often) to do the whole creepy thing and stare into someone's eyes for an entire conversation. Trying to teach myself not to.


----------



## Ycat93 (Jan 13, 2013)

Well, there seems to be no actual correlation between being introverted and being uncomfortable when making eye contact. I re-read all the posts and took tallies and in the end, the numbers were pretty close. It makes me wonder what is the root cause for problems with eye contact, which could also go down the road of a nurture/nature argument.


----------



## dreamer321 (Jan 12, 2013)

I always always do-especially if that person has in some way talked to me in a less respectful way-or belittled me in some way. The hurt is so deeply painful that I just can't look at them-and also I think it has something to do with intimacy-being that close-I need a way out. And I can concentrate more on what the person is saying to me-if I don't look at them. When in an interview though, or with a professional person I do try to maintain eye contact.


----------

