# Negging



## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Urban Dictionary: negging



> Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances. This is something no decent guy would do. They say that the assholes get the girls, but I can spot negging a mile away and I reject these fuckers straight off.


^a quote from the above link. (in case you guys think this is my opinion or something)

I've actually seen guides on 'How to neg a beautiful woman so you stand a chance'.

So women, have men used this technique on you? Do you recognize it immediately? Have you ever fallen for it?

And men, do you use this method? has it been successful?

It's been tried on me but because I know what negging is, it doesn't work. This way of flirting gives me the impression the person sees me as higher than them and in order to get my attention, they need to throw negative remarks at me. 

Playing on women's insecurity is a pretty low way to go about things. IMO, it says a lot about the character of a person.


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## Arbite (Dec 26, 2010)

Olena said:


> Playing on women's insecurity is a pretty low way to go about things. IMO, it says a lot about the character of a person.


It also says a lot about the women if she falls for it.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Ugh, yes. So much experience with this considering that I am plus sized. It's always transparent though. Maybe when I was 18 I fell for it a few times. But ugh, yeah. It's just groady.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

I think it's pathetic, if you need "tactics" then you are one sorry son of a bitch


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Arbite said:


> It also says a lot about the women if she falls for it.


Women tend to be insecure about a lot of things(due to the media, unrealistic expectations of beauty, etc), this is pretty much fact, but to manipulate that, says a lot about the man, not about the woman.

I've heard stories of women staying with men because the men have managed to convince them that they 'will never find better because they're not good enough for others anyway' or something along those lines.

Women fall for it, yes. It's easy to find some reason not to feel good enough.


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## Longdove (Jan 4, 2011)

Yeah, I see this done all the time, it is quite mean-spirited, and I would say quite childlish, especially if the person somehow thinks to win them over and develop a serious relationship based on that behavior, which apparently they do, and such pettyness can only lead to ruin down the road if that was the device they used to get with each other.


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## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

I have not fallen for it and never will and I think guys who do that are pretty insecure themselves


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

I've had this happen recently actually. It's pretty pathetic.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

A friend of mine swears by this tactic. It's not something I've ever done myself. I don't see the point. If I'd not consider even a casual relationship with a lass, then I won't chase her. Therefore, her self-esteem and insecurities are her issue. However, my friend (apparently) used to have self-esteem issues regarding his weight, and effectively feels like he needs to "catch up". I've already told him I will destroy every vestige of his 'game' if he was ever to try this on one of my friends, and he knows better than to try and get me involved in this crap. 

I don't see the point to "negging" whatsoever, because you can tease in a totally light hearted manner, without honing in on perceived insecurities. I have no desire to play mind games, they're boring. Lastly, any woman I wind up with needs to be a team-mate. Therefore, I can't have her pondering over insecurities I planted or exploited. But meh, for those who require the concept of 'conquest' to feel good about themselves, well I guess that's their prerogative really *shrugs*.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

Never done it. And feel free to shoot me in the head if I do.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Ahhh. I discovered this before there was a term for it. One of my exs did it to me, and I have seen it done to others.

At the time I was a size 4, from just never eating, and he tried to convince me that I'm "fat" even though a few friends and my mom were actually worried that I was unhealthily thin for my frame. He would constantly find disgusting comments to make about my body, even though other shallow guys were were into objectification would tell me that I was damn near flawless. It did actually screw with my head -- and for the very reason someone mentioned earlier; women are made to feel very confused about their body image from the media. I have a thread where I'm talking about how average sized women these days are considered plus-size, and this "omfg fat" message in the media is destroying women, telling them firstly that if you're fat - then you fail as a woman, and then there are so many confusing messages on what exactly it means to be fat. 

So in my personal experience, there I was at 115 lbs, and wondering if I was fucking fat, when I was fucking anorexic. I am about 5'6 145 lbs and a size ten now, pretty good muscle tone, and -comfortable-. I eat well, I exercise, and I can think clearly and feel pretty steady -- unlike how I felt at that deathly thin weight, on my frame. I bet that ex would have a real helluvatime now that I'm even -zomggg!1- larger than before. Well, I did find out that he didn't mean any of it and that he thought this sick shit:

In order to keep me, he had to break down my self-esteem, take me down enough notches to make me think that I couldn't do any better than him. He hated that I got attention from other men, and wanted me to feel so bad about myself that I wouldn't even think they were serious. Sick fucking bastard. 

Last time I saw him, I was visiting my hometown, and he walked into a bar with two obnoxious friends. I wrote a note on a napkin for him and handed it to him. Without looking at it, he threw it down. I instantly stepped on it, ground it into the dirty floor, then bent down (he and his asshole friends looked rather puzzled) and picked up the napkin.. grabbed him by his hair, and shoved it into his mouth so hard and fast that he didn't have time to resist. I got kicked out, but it was worth it. 

I saw this happen to a friend of mine who was maybe a size 18. We went to some place where boring nightlife was going on, and this guy slinks up to her, and says: "Ooo a biiiig girl.. I liiiike big girls." -- I yelled in his mug that he'd better get the fuck out of here with that shit. She was confused. I told her not to worry about it. She didn't realize what he was doing and I didn't want her to feel hurt, so I just told her I didn't like him. 

If I see a guy do this to -anyone- I will publicly shame him and send him away. Its sick how someone can think they are entitled to ruin a person's self-esteem just to make them a more compliant bag of fuck meat, there only for their entertainment.

I saw a ton of this in general in the city I grew up in: Myrtle Beach. Its the most scummy place I have ever been, and I have traveled around the US a lot. Its a miserably shallow cesspool, caught up in a phase of physical attractiveness standard that you will see as outdated in the north (this is actually a different theory/observation of mine that in a status-stagnant culture, these things have seasons of change, just like in fashion. The south is slower to receive new information on whats fashionable, and body image fashion works the same way. If anyone's curious about this, PM me, so I don't have to flesh it all out here and get too far off topic.)

That city, and that disgusting bastard contributed to why I fight these battles for other women, I'm sure. And I will never stop.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Hmm. Not really sure I've had it happen to me, or seen it done. That's pretty messed up though.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

@Promethea - You grew up not too far from me. Yes, the South does tend to lag behind in both fashion and views of body image. Not to mention some views on the "proper" role of women that make me cringe.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

koalaroo said:


> @Promethea - You grew up not too far from me. Yes, the South does tend to lag behind in both fashion and views of body image.


Emaciated and bleach blonde is the hot commodity there. I saw the majority of those guys in that cesspool go after underage girls, because they were more likely to be very thin. It was blatantly predatory and superficial. They would use them and move onto the next vulnerable tourist. When I was a 14 yr old girl, men old enough to be my father routinely tried this with me. It gave me a very unsettling feeling in general. Many of these were married, and on vacation to go "golfing" with their friends. Ah, and cheat on their wives with underage poon. I could spit nails for hours discussing this. Every time theres a hurricane, I pray to all the gods I have ever heard of, trying to squeeze out an inkling of faith in at least karma, that the city will be cleansed off the country, like the disgusting plaque that it is. I have a theory that Burroughs and Chapin are into the occult and gave the devil a handjob or something, in exchange for another hurricane never hitting that fucking babylon like Hugo did back in the 80s. Jk about that part. 

Edit: Ok, a few more things. The newspaper will not mention most the crime, the pollution, etc., because Burroughs and Chapin want to do ONE thing: promote filthy tourism. The rape rate.. oh its astonishing for such a small town. Its easy for people passing through, to remain undetected, leave no trace.. because there are so many people. Missing persons. I myself have had ghb put into my drink there. Luckily I was saved by a friend. Medical waste. It was being dumped directly into the ocean, off 80something ave. 3rd ave.. so polluted its not safe to even put your hand in -- yet you'll see no mention of it, and watch kids play in this water. Drugs.. oh galore. Most of the wait staff I knew in any restaurant was on cocaine. Most of the locals who couldn't make enough money to get out -- oh and you won't make enough money to get out; its a very common phenomena there, they become alcoholics and drug addicts, from the depression of being stuck there dealing with tourism.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

@Promethea - "Smiling faces, beautiful places", right?

I do hate that Myrtle Beach is touted so highly as a tourist haven. I have always seen it as kind of skeezy and gross in a lot of ways -- mainly because of the other tourists. There are fun little things, like all of the miniature golf places, but for the most part my family ended up avoiding Myrtle Beach itself and heading up to North Myrtle Beach. We had for the longest time vacationed at Myrtle Beach, and while I had heard of sand dunes with dune grass in science class, I had never actually seen one until we went to North Myrtle Beach. The location there that we were able to go to had all sorts of interesting things -- dunes, tidal pools, etc -- that vacationing in Myrtle Beach would never have shown.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

@Promethea



> In order to keep me, he had to break down my self-esteem, take me down enough notches to make me think that I couldn't do any better than him. He hated that I got attention from other men, and wanted me to feel so bad about myself that I wouldn't even think they were serious. Sick fucking bastard.


You'd be surprised how many people do this. An ex of mine, who had issues on a scale I didn't actually know existed, tried to do this. She'd often tell me "I know you don't think much of yourself", which is utterly fallacious. I have humility, I don't sit there beating myself up. But she'd try to make me feel bad about myself. She hated it that I'd not confront men who looked at her, or go over and intervene with a man who'd try and flirt with her; rather leaving her to just say "not interested" or "my bf is there". So she'd try and attack me for not 'being a man', which also failed. However, her cardinal sin was trying to isolate me from my friends by lying about me. She wanted me alone, all to herself, and in order to keep me in one place and pliable, she tried to break all the roads except the one to her. 

By that time, I'd had enough, discovered she was cheating on me, and so I told her to go sort her issues out far away from me. She tried to contact me again once. I told her "I forgive you, but that doesn't make you less poisonous. I don't drink poison twice. Attempt to not speak to me." People with severe insecurity or jealousy will hate it when in the presence of a confident, motivated person. Something I've learned over the years.


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## Shahada (Apr 26, 2010)

It's funny how a lot of PUA concepts like this one are like outgrowths of normal dating advice taken to weird misogynistic extremes to appeal to a target audience of sexually frustrated single men, often on the nerdier side (I'm not sure about the actual PUA demographics, it seems to mostly be nerd types online but that's anecdotal and could be skewed since I pretty much only hear about PUA online, thank God). Like the idea behind "negging" ostensibly is to show that you're confident , but you hardly have to insult someone to do that. But then a lot of PUA fans have this "women love assholes" thing going on and so "negging" makes sense in and of itself, since they think the reason women like "assholes" more than them is because they're assholes, not because the "asshole" is self-confident and they're a sad sack who can't talk to people, which sucks, but the solution is to get some self-confidence, not to start treating women like arcade games that will fuck you if you rack up enough Asshole Points.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Shahada said:


> treating women like arcade games that will fuck you if you rack up enough Asshole Points.


^I am so using that at some point, because its just a perfect way to describe it.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

koalaroo said:


> @Promethea - "Smiling faces, beautiful places", right?
> 
> I do hate that Myrtle Beach is touted so highly as a tourist haven. I have always seen it as kind of skeezy and gross in a lot of ways -- mainly because of the other tourists. There are fun little things, like all of the miniature golf places, but for the most part my family ended up avoiding Myrtle Beach itself and heading up to North Myrtle Beach. We had for the longest time vacationed at Myrtle Beach, and while I had heard of sand dunes with dune grass in science class, I had never actually seen one until we went to North Myrtle Beach. The location there that we were able to go to had all sorts of interesting things -- dunes, tidal pools, etc -- that vacationing in Myrtle Beach would never have shown.


Yeah.. so many people wanna go to mb. Its a joke though. Its an eyesore. There are far more beautiful beaches just up and down the coast a little from it.


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

Can't really say I could ever go this route. I tend to think of women as pretty amazing by default. One of the things my previous SOs really seemed to enjoy about being with me is that I always end up turning something they see as negative into something positive. I would always try to lift them up, to encourage them and convey just how beautiful/clever/witty/etc they were.

Unfortunately, this apparently sends the wrong or unintentional signals to other women as well. While I'm an oblivious dunce when it comes to flirting, apparently just having a rather positive outlook towards women sends the message that I'm interested in them in a romantic sense. But that's how twisted our society is, I guess. You can't possibly find someone amazing unless you wanna get something out of it yourself. Usually by getting in their pants. >_>


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## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

Shahada said:


> It's funny how a lot of PUA concepts like this one are like outgrowths of normal dating advice taken to weird misogynistic extremes to appeal to a target audience of sexually frustrated single men, often on the nerdier side (I'm not sure about the actual PUA demographics, it seems to mostly be nerd types online but that's anecdotal and could be skewed since I pretty much only hear about PUA online, thank God). Like the idea behind "negging" ostensibly is to show that you're confident , but you hardly have to insult someone to do that. But then a lot of PUA fans have this "women love assholes" thing going on and so "negging" makes sense in and of itself, since they think the reason women like "assholes" more than them is because they're assholes, not because the "asshole" is self-confident and they're a sad sack who can't talk to people, which sucks, but the solution is to get some self-confidence, not to start treating women like arcade games that will fuck you if you rack up enough Asshole Points.


I think this is a rare area in which we completely agree. The arcade game metaphor was spot on. It's pathetic, really. 

To the topic at large: I have never used this tactic. It disgusts me. I highly value my self-esteem, and it would be incredibly predatory to attack someone else's for my own gain (and such a shallow gain). You essentially cheat the system, and create a web of lies that someone else bases their self-image on. We know that a lot of girls suffer from lowered self-esteem, but it's not entirely their fault. Males using this to get sex or sustain a relationship are low, low individuals.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

I can't believe some guys (and I'm sure some women do it too) think that negging is any way to build a relationship. I suppose that's the crux of the problem: Guys do this to women to have a fling with them, not to have any sort of a meaningful relationship.


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## zomberlover (Sep 17, 2011)

Promethea said:


> Last time I saw him, I was visiting my hometown, and he walked into a bar with two obnoxious friends. I wrote a note on a napkin for him and handed it to him. Without looking at it, he threw it down. I instantly stepped on it, ground it into the dirty floor, then bent down (he and his asshole friends looked rather puzzled) and picked up the napkin.. grabbed him by his hair, and shoved it into his mouth so hard and fast that he didn't have time to resist. I got kicked out, but it was worth it.


 
Hahaha you are my hero!!!!!!!


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## zomberlover (Sep 17, 2011)

I would like to say 2 things in response to this thread.

First, I believe there are different levels of "negging" and plenty of different opportunities for sick individuals to use this method.

My ex won me over by acting in a way he knew I would respond well to. Ex: being very kind, humorous, supportive, understanding, etc.
He got me with that, then tried to lock me in by making me feel terrible about EVERYTHING that I did. I was a terrible cook, I dressed like a slut, no one loved me as much as he did, my passion (piano) was extremely annoying to him, I didnt even sit down on the couch the right way! (I "plopped" down too hard, and was going to break the springs in the cushions. By the way at the time I was 5'4 and weighed 115lbs.) 

That didnt last for long. =) Dropped him so quick he didnt know what happened.

So I suppose some sick individuals use negging to get women, and also to try to keep them. Either way, negging has to stem from ones own lack of self-esteem. "Im going to point out all your insecurities so that no one notices mine"


Secondly, the nice cousin of negging-playful teasing.

I am all about playful teasing. BUT it has to be done tactfully and tastefully. For example, my SO is very smart, and I know he thinks Im very smart as well. Sometimes I will tease him and say that I think he might be slightly retarded, in which he would respond with something like "Well you would probably understand what I was saying better if it wasnt for that tiny woman brain of yours." =P

Its all in good fun, and we both get some laughs out of trying to out-wit each other. But teasing about something the other person was insecure about? Too far.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Women do the same to guys, especially if they are visiting in town from New York. You can be nice, charming, and funny as ever and eventually the conversation may lead to small talk in turn causing them to rear an ugly face of confrontation. If they do play that game with you, just let your merit speak for itself and show them to be the fool in negging on career choices, accomplishments, status, etc. Men usually do it to the woman's looks, whereas a woman will usually do it to a man's character and status.

If anyone wants me to elaborate, I'd be happy to.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> Women do the same to guys, especially if they are visiting in town from New York. You can be nice, charming, and funny as ever and eventually the conversation may lead to small talk in turn causing them to rear an ugly face of confrontation. If they do play that game with you, just let your merit speak for itself and show them to be the fool in negging on career choices, accomplishments, status, etc. Men usually do it to the woman's looks, whereas a woman will usually do it to a man's character and status.
> 
> If anyone wants me to elaborate, I'd be happy to.


Women can also play off of another insecurity some males have, penis size. It seems to be widely accepted for women to make fun of their male partner's genitals, either in private or public. I'm sure that public humiliation can go far in the world of negging. If a man feels inadequate sexually, he may be even less willing to stray.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> Women do the same to guys, especially if they are visiting in town from New York. You can be nice, charming, and funny as ever and eventually the conversation may lead to small talk in turn causing them to rear an ugly face of confrontation. If they do play that game with you, just let your merit speak for itself and show them to be the fool in negging on career choices, accomplishments, status, etc. Men usually do it to the woman's looks, whereas a woman will usually do it to a man's character and status.
> 
> If anyone wants me to elaborate, I'd be happy to.


I am just curious about the NY part of this. Why NY?


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

zomberlover said:


> I would like to say 2 things in response to this thread.
> 
> First, I believe there are different levels of "negging" and plenty of different opportunities for sick individuals to use this method.
> 
> ...


 Wish there was an instruction manual with everyone so we could read and find that stuff out ahead of time


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Promethea said:


> I am just curious about the NY part of this. Why NY?


 Half joking in that if, for example, a girl is visiting who's living in the upper east side of Manhattan; she might have a big ego about her making it "to the top of the big apple" so to speak. It can relate to anyone with an inflated ego that neggs. Also came to mind from a recent confrontation I had from a negger who just so happened to be from New York is why I also used the location in my post. The conversation was tactful on my end to make her look both a fool and a bitch. I'll post it if you'd like.


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

The Proof said:


> I think it's pathetic, if you need "tactics" then you are one sorry son of a bitch


The only tactic I need is being irresistible.


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## SoldierOfLove (Jan 17, 2012)

I hadn't heard the term negging before, but I am aware of the concept. Glad I know it's name now though.

I've had this happen twice that I am aware of in a relationship. Both were manipulative men, just different types of manipulation, and both would use this tactic, but with a different presentation.

You can be negged in a way that doesn't hurt as much as the other. One is brutal and leaves no room for you to even maintain a shred of self respect and one you just feel extremely stupid with.

It's a PUA tactic to help bed as many women as possible. 

I spent a few months reading PUA forums after my shabby experience with one, and I;m glad I did.

It has really helped me to recognise my own reaction in these situations. Awareness is the key.

Now if I feel someone is putting me down, I examine their reasons more than readily accepting it the way I once did. This way I get to react in a way that is not expected and maintain my position of strength with these sorts of guys when they have come sniffing around again.


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Fizz said:


> Women can also play off of another insecurity some males have, penis size. It seems to be widely accepted for women to make fun of their male partner's genitals, either in private or public. I'm sure that public humiliation can go far in the world of negging. If a man feels inadequate sexually, he may be even less willing to stray.


Very true. It's always funny to see a woman insult a man's dick out of spite, after a relationship falls apart.

It's so annoying though...men's only insecurity appears to be penis size, while women...uh...everything, including our vagina. There's even surgery to have a prettier vagina.


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## Richard (Aug 16, 2011)

Olena said:


> Very true. It's always funny to see a woman insult a man's dick out of spite, after a relationship falls apart.
> 
> It's so annoying though...men's only insecurity appears to be penis size, while women...uh...everything, including our vagina. There's even surgery to have a prettier vagina.


I don’t mean to be too nitpicky, but I’m sure you're aware that a male can possess other forms of physical insecurity.

Off the top of my head: balding(pun intended), height, gynecomastia


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Richard said:


> I don’t mean to be too nitpicky, but I’m sure you're aware that a male can possess other forms of physical insecurity.
> 
> Off the top of my head: balding(pun intended), height, gynecomastia


Oh yeah, height is a good one. I hear guys talk about this a lot. At first I didn't think there was much to it, and I'd dated mostly guys around my height and I'm only 5'6. Anyway, after hearing soooo many guys say its often an issue, I started wondering about it. 

"_Taller men may be seen as more dominant and assertive (Melamed, 1992). In evolutionary terms, a larger man may have been able to provide more protection to their offspring, have greater genetic qualities to pass on to their future children, and thus may be awarded with greater social status. In line with this idea that height is an indicator of good evolutionary success, researchers found that taller men were more likely to have at least one biological child compared to shorter men (Pawlowski, Dunbar, & Lipowicz, 2000). 

Culture also plays a big part in what we like and what is valued in society. Women may learn to value men who are rewarded in society. For example, taller men may be seen as more powerful and attractive, so women who are with taller men benefit by attaining a higher social status. In addition, if height signals physical dominance, it is likely that taller men make women feel smaller, protected, and perhaps more “feminine” as well. In line with this idea, research has found that women with more “traditional” gender role expectations were less willing to date shorter men (Salska, et al., 2008)_."

Anyway, blah blah. Plenty of women like myself aren't programmed to want this dominant, aggressive looking slayer of saber-toothed tigers. I find tons of exceptions to the bullshit rules in evo biology/psych even if there seems to be a lot of people who are programmed that simple.

And to save this from being a total derail:

For those who are saying that women neg too, do you think that women also neg in order to hurt a guys self-esteem so that he might be easier to hold onto? I have seen a few do it playfully. I would probably be just as angry if I saw them do this to a guy as I have been seeing guys do this. I have noticed some women making nasty comments about guys appearances in the past, like casually in public, and I give them a little reality check. 

But the times I have seen this negging in women, it has been more playful.. not mean-spirited.. and not nearly some kind of method to destroy a guys self-esteem in order to control him. Not saying it doesn't happen at all.. just wondering if its less common.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

No one has ever tried, but if someone did; my right arm would suddenly go into a spasm and my fist would just happen to make contact with his jaw. 

Degrading women is degrading.


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## Proteus (Mar 5, 2010)

Possibly off topic as there might be a whole different category and term for this entirely, but have any of you ever had parents who used negging type tactics? Obviously the relationship dynamic is different between parents and children than romantic partners (or someone trying to pick up a partner) but there are similar tactics in play. Pointing out what might be perceived as flaws in order to keep someone's self esteem low and lord control over them?



Promethea said:


> For those who are saying that women neg too, do you think that women also neg in order to hurt a guys self-esteem so that he might be easier to hold onto? I have seen a few do it playfully. I would probably be just as angry if I saw them do this to a guy as I have been seeing guys do this. I have noticed some women making nasty comments about guys appearances in the past, like casually in public, and I give them a little reality check.


I think the motivations are similar. It's all about picking at things that the negger wants to the neggee to think is flawed by conventional standards, but that _they _can overlook, while most people would not be willing to do so and it's an incentive for them to stay under their thumb. The negger almost gives the impression that they're doing the neggee a favor by being with them, and that they should in turn cave to whatever demands the negger has and overlook any questionable personality traits they might have. It amounts to control, something done to keep the other person humble and with the only person that they think can re-enforce their self esteem.


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## Erudis (Jan 23, 2011)

I've never heard the term, although I understand the concept and I've heard stories about this many times before. If it happens to a friend of mine, I'll be sure to intervene. People that have to belittle others to make them feel good about themselves – or to gain something from an act of manipulation – have no respect from me.

Unfortunately, abusive relationships seem to be way too common around here. Every two or three days I read stories about couples fighting and breaking up in the newspaper, and the reasons are always connected in some way to this concept. And sadly, most of the time it seems to end in physical aggression.

@Proteus

Totally off-topic, but the only thing I could think of while reading you say negger was this:


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## Arbite (Dec 26, 2010)

Olena said:


> Women tend to be insecure about a lot of things(due to the media, unrealistic expectations of beauty, etc), this is pretty much fact, but to manipulate that, says a lot about the man, not about the woman.


I agree that it is a very low thing for the man to do. But as I said earlier, it is still a reflection of the character of the woman who falls for it.


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Arbite said:


> I agree that it is a very low thing for the man to do. But as I said earlier, it is still a reflection of the character of the woman who falls for it.


If you read this thread, you'll notice it's happened to quite a few people. Are you claiming those people have poor character? The way you use 'character' has a negative connotation to it and I have to disagree. There's is nothing wrong with being vulnerable or occasionally feeling insecure. It's something we all have to deal with at some point.

Making it seem like it's the victim's fault is rubbish.

Not every woman or man knows the purpose of negging, if they did, no one would fall for it at all. It's a case of they just don't know about it, not that they have shitty character.

Sorry if I sound aggressive. =x I just don't like the blame being placed on those who suffered from this.


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## Arbite (Dec 26, 2010)

Olena said:


> If you read this thread, you'll notice it's happened to quite a few people. Are you claiming those people have poor character? The way you use 'character' has a negative connotation to it and I have to disagree. There's is nothing wrong with being vulnerable or occasionally feeling insecure. It's something we all have to deal with at some point.


I'm not using it negatively. I'm simply saying that there is a kind of person who would be convinced to stay/sleep with a man when he treats her in a less than positive way.



Olena said:


> Making it seem like it's the victim's fault is rubbish.


I'm not. I don't like men who use that form of manipulation. 



Olena said:


> Not every woman or man knows the purpose of negging, if they did, no one would fall for it at all. It's a case of they just don't know about it, not that they have shitty character.


No. They may not know about it, but I still believe that someone should be able to see when they are being treated like crap...


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## Mooncutter (Jul 28, 2011)

*I would not agree with the definition provided in urban dictionary,* and I know about negging. At its worst - a neg is excactly that. At its best, it is merely a playful challange, with no negativity attached to it whatsoever. I will give an example from today

*I started talking to a girl in a subway station, *walking up stairs. After 30s I spottet a black key that went over three of her fingers, holding them together. A ring resembling a key with three fingerholes, not one. They are illegal in sweden because they can work as weapon, while punching. I told her this where she answered, "you don't have to worry", where I paused and said, "I don't know, you look kinda of mentally unstable".

*She goes *"what? *smile* we just met" I went, "well... you NEVER know" *playful smile*. "There are lots of crazy peole out there" I followed up with. This is a neg. It is also a challange, like I'm doubting her, perhaps she is even a CRAZY WOMAN (I joke about this). Negs CAN underminde confidence, but they can also be playful challanges. Just wanted to say that ^^. 

*That urban definition is the most negative definition I've seen on negging. I've read quite a few definitions.*


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Olena said:


> Urban Dictionary: negging
> 
> 
> ^a quote from the above link. (in case you guys think this is my opinion or something)
> ...


As I stated in another thread, I believe that they were referring to indifference. If you don't give a shit whether you get a really hot chick or not, it will impress her and she won't think that you just want her for sex. Negging and insulting a woman does nothing but pissing a woman off.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Olena said:


> Very true. It's always funny to see a woman insult a man's dick out of spite, after a relationship falls apart.
> 
> It's so annoying though...men's only insecurity appears to be penis size, while women...uh...everything, including our vagina. There's even surgery to have a prettier vagina.


 Oh no, no miss no. Their bank account, accolades, social circles, even accomplishments. Trust me, it hits home more in places that have nothing to do with the physical realm.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Arguing with me works. Negging does not.

Like back and forth exchanges of mutual evil can be very attractive to me in the beginning.

However, randomly being told that I'm a bitch, my boobs are too big, I'm an attention whore, or I'm too sensitive just either piss me off or hurt my feelings. Especially insulting my body. If you insult my body I will be totally turned off and think you're a loathsome piece of shit. If you insult my personality with great ferocity I will think you're pathetic. If you tell me I'm crazy or overly emotional I'll think you're an asshole.

But fighting with me does work in some cases, I'm not going to lie. 

PUA is typically a pathetic act done by pathetic men, and it's rarely done well.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Fizz said:


> Women can also play off of another insecurity some males have, penis size. It seems to be widely accepted for women to make fun of their male partner's genitals, either in private or public. I'm sure that public humiliation can go far in the world of negging. If a man feels inadequate sexually, he may be even less willing to stray.


If men neg me, I like to respond by commenting on their emotional retardation, underemployment, poor grammar, or tendency toward drinking ...I don't respond well to it.

I don't bat my eyelashes and go "me? really? You think I should alter my damaged self in some way?" ...I respond in kind.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Promethea said:


> Ahhh. I discovered this before there was a term for it. One of my exs did it to me, and I have seen it done to others.
> 
> At the time I was a size 4, from just never eating, and he tried to convince me that I'm "fat" even though a few friends and my mom were actually worried that I was unhealthily thin for my frame. He would constantly find disgusting comments to make about my body, even though other shallow guys were were into objectification would tell me that I was damn near flawless. It did actually screw with my head -- and for the very reason someone mentioned earlier; women are made to feel very confused about their body image from the media. I have a thread where I'm talking about how average sized women these days are considered plus-size, and this "omfg fat" message in the media is destroying women, telling them firstly that if you're fat - then you fail as a woman, and then there are so many confusing messages on what exactly it means to be fat.
> 
> ...


I love you.


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## Malovane (Jul 12, 2010)

Hmm, I've also seen "negging" defined as a negative compliment. Looking back, I may tend to give a lot of those.

I may ask (yes a common question)- so what music do you like? Invariably it's something like Rihanna, to which I have little to respond except for.. "oh, hmm.. well, that's ok, I guess." Silently in my head I'm thinking, "damn, well, not much to go on there, that music is crap." Then they usually ask mine, and I go into it a little bit.

I don't think it's bad in that form, because it's being genuine, and showing personal preferences and confidence in who you are. Maybe she'll end up listening to other music and liking it, and taking it as part of herself, and that's great.

Perhaps I don't like big boobs or a plus sized woman - that's my preference, and to a great extent I can't help that. Then again, they often can't either, and I often favor personal chemistry over looks anyway, so I rarely comment on physical aspects. It just seems pointless. However, I might get concerned and mention something if I believe it to be important.

Seeing guys use this as a tactic, though, is often completely disingenuous. And yes, pretty sad. However, as I said before, I think it's more along the lines of a negative compliment rather than what was described in the original post, which was simply an insult.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

I don't think negging would work on me.... but that might be because its pretty damn hard to hurt my feelings. 

It's not that I don't have insecurities, but most of them are personal standards and have nothing to do with how other people perceive me.I would probably want to discuss their observations, or just assume they found something objectionable about me and cease to interact with them. 

However, insult one of my friends or my sister and the claws come out.... I'll verbally tear you a new one so fast you won't know what hit you.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Malovane said:


> Hmm, I've also seen "negging" defined as a negative compliment. Looking back, I may tend to give a lot of those.
> 
> I may ask (yes a common question)- so what music do you like? Invariably it's something like Rihanna, to which I have little to respond except for.. "oh, hmm.. well, that's ok, I guess." Silently in my head I'm thinking, "damn, well, not much to go on there, that music is crap." Then they usually ask mine, and I go into it a little bit.
> 
> ...


Nope, in PUA negging is an intentional tactic used to lessen a "bitch shield" and it's supposed to be most commonly used on women that are considered sexually attractive enough to ...be a threat to these insecure men? They think they stand out as special, and have more market value if they say something to make the woman feel emotionally insecure around him, hoping she'll begin to seek his approval or something like that.

Examples of real PUA negs:

"Your hair looks shiny, is it a wig? Oh well it looks nice anyway."

"Well at least you have a nice body."

"Is she always like this"

"How do you guys hang with this girl"

"Solipsistic ego queen" 

"Were you a dork at school or something" (an ISTJ said something very like this to me one night, and we got in a huge fight and haven't gotten along since...of course there's more to the story than that, but stuff like this can just come across as mean and hateful when it's followed too many other similar statements)

But even that reminds me that playful teasing is usually cool...it's just that negging can honestly take on the form of making fun of somebody or criticizing them if it's a string of these little undercover insults. 

There's a line between teasing and playing and sparring, and just starting to be mean.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I'm way too sensitive for this to work. I think it's supposed to play on insecurities in a way that makes the woman feel like she now needs to prove her worth to the guy, and in a sense, it ups the "value" of the PUA (his opinion now matters). The other way it works is by inspiring strong feelings in her, even if it is negative feelings. The reason this works is some will confuse their offended reaction for passion & for the PUA being "interesting". Basically, it's better for the PUA to arouse "hate" than to be felt indifferent towards. The "hate" may more easily be channeled into desire because it catches her attention & makes her feel _something_. There's some nasty, manipulative psychology behind this, basically...

But my sensitivity doesn't work like that. Instead, it confirms my sense of being misunderstood & defective. I don't react externally, which is what they seek. Instead I withdraw and seek to escape. I don't feel hate towards the person, but rather shame in myself for being "weird". Of course, I have not dealt with obvious negs from PUAs. I don't think I'm the "hot chick" type they seek out.

I'm probably a sucker for flattery though, when dispensed in a genuine, original way. That's why Fe-dom men always catch my attention. They're warm and sweet and gush over you. They drop sly, half-veiled compliments into every other sentence. Now this could go into the creepy and/or needy department, but that's only if he's creepy and/or needy.

I love banter, but it has to be playful. Mean-spiritedness turns me off. I want to feel like I'm on the same side as them, not fighting against them. We should be creating a sort of pact, a world of our own. I'd rather sit up in an ivory tower with someone and make jabs at everyone else . I've bonded with many guys over "we're smarter & more special than the masses!" conversations, but these were not in a serious manner of course.


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Mooncutter said:


> *I would not agree with the definition provided in urban dictionary,* and I know about negging. At its worst - a neg is excactly that. At its best, it is merely a playful challange, with no negativity attached to it whatsoever. I will give an example from today
> 
> *I started talking to a girl in a subway station, *walking up stairs. After 30s I spottet a black key that went over three of her fingers, holding them together. A ring resembling a key with three fingerholes, not one. They are illegal in sweden because they can work as weapon, while punching. I told her this where she answered, "you don't have to worry", where I paused and said, "I don't know, you look kinda of mentally unstable".
> 
> ...


Being playful is not negging. Have you read up on negging tactics? The purpose is *to bring down a woman/man.*

That's what negging is. Not playful teasing and flirting.


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## Donovan (Nov 3, 2009)

Arbite said:


> It also says a lot about the women if she falls for it.


that's akin to saying it's, "it says a lot about the child who took the candy and then *******************". 

putting blame onto the victim is ridiculous--*if* that's what you were getting at. it only gives the other side more ammunition to work with and beats down a person who's already beaten down by life--not to mention it takes the glare of the spotlight off of the perpetrators which in no way helps to prevent future cases. 

now, if you were saying that a woman (or anyone) should be above such manipulation by having a better sense of self, then i'd agree, but traits of "strength" aren't common among the population, and when it is found, it usually wasn't discovered without adversity of some sort.


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Arbite said:


> I'm not using it negatively. I'm simply saying that there is a kind of person who would be convinced to stay/sleep with a man when he treats her in a less than positive way.
> 
> I'm not. I don't like men who use that form of manipulation.
> 
> No. They may not know about it, but I still believe that someone should be able to see when they are being treated like crap...


Oh, ahem. =)

Yes, that is true. Certain kinds of people are more likely to endure abuse than others. =/ Although I wouldn't blame them, sometimes, growing up in the wrong environment can lead you to believe that's just 'how things are in relationships'.



The Great One said:


> As I stated in another thread, I believe that they were referring to indifference. If you don't give a shit whether you get a really hot chick or not, it will impress her and she won't think that you just want her for sex. Negging and insulting a woman does nothing but pissing a woman off.


Nay, negging is not indifference. How can it be if there are negging tactics? Trying to purposely do something is not indifference, that makes no sense. 

'I don't give a shit whether she likes me or not, but let me use this tactic to assault her confidence, making it easier for her to say yes to me and possibly like me.'

Negging is being a unconfident, manipulative dick.

At least Google if you're unsure of negging. It's a tactic that is used consciously to have a negative impact. When I found out about it, some of the things I read honestly surprised me. And these forums dedicated to picking up women are trashy, especially the way they end up sitting around, bad-mouthing the women who don't fall for their shit.:dry:


Negging is not playful teasing and flirting. That's cute and harmless. Unless the person has no sense of humour haha, which can _sometimes_ be the case.

@Richard

A handful of things while women kind of have...everything to worry about.:tongue: Actually, yes, almost everything. Our height, length of our legs, our butt, our breasts, our skin, our noses, our eyes maybe being too apart, our hair too dull, our hair too flat, our weight... "Can you pinch an inch? OMG I'M HUGE. Is my voice too deep? My lips too thin? My stretchmarks make me look like a tiger, NO ONE CAN EVER SEE ME NAKED. My clitoris is too big and my vulva is too meaty, sex with the lights off only. Is my asshole too hairy? Is my orgasm face ugly? He can't look at me during sex. I need to look like those women in porn. My breasts are too big and sag. My breasts are too small. I'm too tall, men hate tall women. I'm too short, men like longer legs on women. My vagina is too tight. My vagina is too loose. My face is too square. I'm not pretty without make-up, I can't ever let my lover see me in the morning. My waist is too thick. My hands are too big. My feet are too big."

Our insecurities result in us thinking: NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME.:sad:

Women often think about the silliest things sometimes. It's the media, and it's also men who buy into the media and put down their girlfriends. It's also *the women who believe the media* and who believe their boyfriends.

Scratch that, it goes both ways, gender-wise. Men can be overly insecure, but I think they just hide it really well. >.>


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## Richard (Aug 16, 2011)

Olena said:


> Oh, ahem. =)
> 
> Yes, that is true. Certain kinds of people are more likely to endure abuse than others. =/ Although I wouldn't blame them, sometimes, growing up in the wrong environment can lead you to believe that's just 'how things are in relationships'.
> 
> ...


Yep.
There are both men and women who just don't give a shit, and then there are those with complexes about parts of their bodies or even their personalities. Each gender can have just as many as the other. I would agree that society does tend to place more pressure on the female to look and act in an "acceptable" way.

I think the difference is that society teaches us confidence is expected of a man. Many women will attest to their appreciation of a confident man, going about doing things with conviction yadda yadda
So men tend to internalise their worries more, a generalisation of course, and to be quite honest I think many women expect this of men. Again, not all of course, before I get PerC lynched.

I'm not the most confident of men and I'm relatively certain it's one of the main reasons women show no interest in me. There are of course other factors such as looks, but confidence is of great importance.


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Richard said:


> Yep.
> There are both men and women who just don't give a shit, and then there are those with complexes about parts of their bodies or even their personalities. Each gender can have just as many as the other. I would agree that society does tend to place more pressure on the female to look and act in an "acceptable" way.
> 
> I think the difference is that society teaches us confidence is expected of a man. Many women will attest to their appreciation of a confident man, going about doing things with conviction yadda yadda
> So men tend internalise their worries more, a generalisation of course, and to be quite honest I think many women expect this of men. Again, not all of course, before I get PerC lynched.


Very truuuuue! Any man expressing insecurity would probably be branded 'feminine'. I can picture a man asking 'Does this shirt make me look too fat?' and his friend going 'Oh stop being a girl'.


Hmmm, I can also see this in negging. If people observe a woman putting down a man, they think : "Well, she's probably telling the truth. Men are scumbags." 
But if they observe a man putting down a woman: "Oh shit, he has no respect for women! What a scumbag!"

Gender stereotypes.

We meet again.:dry:


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## hellucid (Nov 10, 2011)

Properly negging means you are especially subtle, and shouldn't be anything more than a back handed compliment. Its a lot to handle if you are misinformed, apparently, because I'm surprised there is so much outcry, regarding this as trickery, or below some people. Its a simple, harmless approach to complimenting a woman without appearing to be a needy wuss. 

And is not a means to "trick them". You're not an automated charmer employing this simple 1-2-3 change, you're just turning down unnecessary information you may have conveyed via your old approach

For some guys this is an inherently overt problem in there approach, and gimmicks like this can obviously go a long way. Girls will at times be stunned by the take away which follow the compliment, and wonder, i.e. be attracted, to as why.


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## Arbite (Dec 26, 2010)

celticstained said:


> that's akin to saying it's, "it says a lot about the child who took the candy and then *******************".
> 
> putting blame onto the victim is ridiculous--*if* that's what you were getting at. it only gives the other side more ammunition to work with and beats down a person who's already beaten down by life--not to mention it takes the glare of the spotlight off of the perpetrators which in no way helps to prevent future cases.
> 
> now, if you were saying that a woman (or anyone) should be above such manipulation by having a better sense of self, then i'd agree, but traits of "strength" aren't common among the population, and when it is found, it usually wasn't discovered without adversity of some sort.


Sigh, if you had bothered to read the rest of the thread...

I'm not blaming her. I was simply stating that it is a certain kind of person who falls for that.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

Negging has never seemed particularly intelligent to me. In many cases it appears to be nothing more than a thinly-veiled insult. I guess that it does work in regards to certain types of girls (or it would never have been developed). It seems that the girls hanging around here on PerC are the types it would be less-than-effective with (ie a lot more than average intelligence, plus having more developed personalities).

I like lighthearted flirting and teasing, maybe a little ruder hassling in it's slightly rougher form (once there's been a longer history of teasing between me and a girl).

If I think a girl is worth having a relationship with (and it takes more'n just looks and a willingness to part the legs) it would be exceptionally insulting to try and "cut her down to size". I'd rather have a conversation to determine if she is the type that I want to have in my life. Assuming that she passes, and is interested in going with me in turn, then we can explore things further.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

There isn't just "negging", there is also pure neglect and ignoring to make a "hot girl" feel like she is worthless. 

These are all tactics to "knock a person down a size" in order to get what you want out of them. You learn about their insecurity and ride it out skillfully until you have her eating out of your hands. 

Problem is, not all women who men perceive as "hot chicks" have an ego the size of Texas. Some have always been grounded in who they are, love people, and would never imagine that others would play games in order to get laid because they don't themselves.

Shame on anyone who feels the need to play games or bring someone else down in order to date them. 

Personally, I lift others up when I date them. I let them know how lucky I feel to be with them. I want them to know everything I feel is special about them. And I thank them for spending time with me. Only sociopaths take advantage of this. 

If you are a sociopath: please don't date and lock yourself away forever.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> There isn't just "negging", there is also pure neglect and ignoring to make a "hot girl" feel like she is worthless.
> 
> These are all tactics to "knock a person down a size" in order to get what you want out of them. You learn about their insecurity and ride it out skillfully until you have her eating out of your hands.
> 
> ...


I was repeatedly told by someone that my ego was huge and that I deserved to be "brought down." 

This man is gorgeous, too. He has NO good reason to act this way, other than being mad at his mother.

He's an insecure piece of shit. I still can't fathom it. I was sooooo good to him. I was there for him at the lowest point in his life.

Excuse me for not being...non-threatening enough.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

snail said:


> I didn't know anyone did this. How horrible!


In a world where women are seen as little more than objects, and where men are expected to be perverted animals, I'm personally not surprised that there are degenerate little boys like this around. Sadly, I've heard of it before and sadly, it seems to show no sign of being cleansed from society like so many other cancers that society suffers from.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

This is awful! Why would anyone want to do that ? If they want to make an 'advance' .. I don't understand why they would want them upset? I'm so confused. I'm feeling really stupid right now like I am not catching something. The only man who would do this is a man with incredible low self esteem because if he had decent self esteem, wouldn't it be a turn off for a woman to be super insecure? 

this is what I get for picking threw super old threads all bored :dry:


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## da_gobbo (Feb 26, 2012)

never done this never will, though i accept people do this i really don't entirely understand why (NB i dont mean i dont understand why they say they do it i mean i don't understand why they are willing to)


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## FacePalm (Jun 27, 2012)

I always facepalm at the PUAs who neg for negging's sake. Pathetic.

They are absolutely doing it wrong if it come across as insulting than playful banter. Not to mention they will usually get blown out of the set if the neg is too harsh.

It should be "haha" funny, not funny b/c it's true.

B/c so many rookies are doing it wrong, I can see how negging gets such a bad rep.


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> This is awful! Why would anyone want to do that ? If they want to make an 'advance' .. I don't understand why they would want them upset? I'm so confused. I'm feeling really stupid right now like I am not catching something. The only man who would do this is a man with incredible low self esteem because if he had decent self esteem, wouldn't it be a turn off for a woman to be super insecure?
> 
> this is what I get for picking threw super old threads all bored :dry:


The point is the make the woman feel more insecure than the guy doing the negging. It's a technique for getting cheap hookups.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

FacePalm said:


> I always facepalm at the PUAs who neg for negging's sake. Pathetic.
> 
> They are absolutely doing it wrong if it come across as insulting than playful banter. Not to mention they will usually get blown out of the set if the neg is too harsh.
> 
> ...


 When I read the OP, (definition) it did not describe playful banter. Or at least, that is not how I perceived it. When I am teased I am teased back , but if a guy were pretty harsh then I tend to view him as an asshole. And I'm no longer playful nor interested. I'm not sure negging is what you were describing. You must be slapping yourself in the face with your palm now, aren't you  

(that last line would be I suppose, my version of negging. I don't see it the same I think. idk)


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

MegaTuxRacer said:


> The point is the make the woman feel more insecure than the guy doing the negging. It's a technique for getting cheap hookups.


That is seriously REPULSIVE.

you mean to tell me a guy is like "awww man, I'm such a loser. I really want to bang that hot girl over there who is smiling and laughing. She'll never be interested in a loser like me. Maybe I should go trash her self esteem so she feels like a loser too. And then we can do the loser hanky panky." GROSS.
Loser AND Retarded! 

at least a loser can de-loser-fy themselves. 
Anyone whose a dick should be searching for another asshole. Not a woman.

This thread makes me all angry. I feel like leaving and never coming back! Humph! *crosses arms*

*dramatic silence*


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## FacePalm (Jun 27, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> When I read the OP, (definition) it did not describe playful banter. Or at least, that is not how I perceived it. When I am teased I am teased back , but if a guy were pretty harsh then I tend to view him as an asshole. And I'm no longer playful nor interested. I'm not sure negging is what you were describing. You must be slapping yourself in the face with your palm now, aren't you
> 
> (that last line would be I suppose, my version of negging. I don't see it the same I think. idk)


That's b/c OP got her definition from Urban dictionary not Merriam-Webster (not that there is one in MW), but yes I facepalm nonetheless.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

p.s.

while I may have missed out on those crazy college years getting smashed showing my boobies. 
I am SO GLAD I pursued more valuable experiences with my time! 
Of course the down side is ... I feel embarrassingly clueless :sad:


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

FacePalm said:


> That's b/c OP got her definition from Urban dictionary not Merriam-Webster (not that there is one in MW), but yes I facepalm nonetheless.


I was just teasing you :wink:

*stop the puppy face! I can't take it!*


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## FacePalm (Jun 27, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> I was just teasing you :wink:
> 
> *stop the puppy face! I can't take it!*


*A trophy "Negger" appears on the top-right corner of your screen*


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

FacePalm said:


> *A trophy "Negger" appears on the top-right corner of your screen*


Oh My! *fans face* I do declare I have been flattered master of the face palm style (kung fu) >.<


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> This is awful! Why would anyone want to do that ? If they want to make an 'advance' .. I don't understand why they would want them upset?


I'm not incredibly well versed in this tactic, but from what I have read the idea is to try and take a 8-10 (i.e. a woman who is perceived to be of a higher calibre than the man who is trying to approach her - I seriously can't believe they scale women like that!) down a few notches by making her realise that she's not something special. They claim that 8-10 women think so highly of themselves that they _expect_ men to favour them and vie for their attention. They're trying to show them that they're not that special or whatever. It's a kind of reverse psychology. They think that if they ignore the 8-10 in favour of her 5-6 friends - or neg her by dissing her hair or her outfit - the 8-10 will work that much harder to get their (positive) attention, and then they're pretty much "in" and guaranteed a phone number. 

Pretty freakin' ridiculous, if you ask me. But the whole PUA community is pretty ridiculous, because it relies on manipulation in order to achieve "results". It's not about forming an actual connection with a person and respecting their boundaries. ();;


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

La Petite Sirène said:


> I'm not incredibly well versed in this tactic, but from what I have read the idea is to try and take a 8-10 (i.e. a woman who is perceived to be of a higher calibre than the man who is trying to approach her - I seriously can't believe they scale women like that!) down a few notches by making her realise that she's not something special. They claim that 8-10 women think so highly of themselves that they _expect_ men to favour them and vie for their attention. They're trying to show them that they're not that special or whatever. It's a kind of reverse psychology. They think that if they ignore the 8-10 in favour of her 5-6 friends - or neg her by dissing her hair or her outfit - the 8-10 will work that much harder to get their (positive) attention, and then they're pretty much "in" and guaranteed a phone number.
> 
> Pretty freakin' ridiculous, if you ask me. But the whole PUA community is pretty ridiculous, because it relies on manipulation in order to achieve "results". It's not about forming an actual connection with a person and respecting their boundaries. ();;


CRRAAAAAZZZZZY!!!!!

Essentially the man sees her as more valuable than he is because he is stupid and forgets that she uses the bathroom same as he does, sorry. that was gross :/ And it sounds like the only intention is to get laid. That is sad. I just had a talk about this. It makes me so sad, like a pit of my stomach thing to know that many men (maybe all but hopefully the smart ones can keep it to themselves) .. that they view woman as a sex toy over a human being. Why am I surprised when I hear shit like that? The world is so sick all over the place! Why does it bother me so much! Seriously, it's an awful feeling.

This is why I live in a shell :frustrating:


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> Why am I surprised when I hear shit like that? The world is so sick all over the place! Why does it bother me so much! Seriously, it's an awful feeling.
> 
> This is why I live in a shell :frustrating:


Yeah, reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss was definitely eye-opening for me! But also very informative, because I can spot a PUA using these tactics from a mile away. All the better to ignore their negging attempts and just laugh at how silly they are.


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## Zanimus (Aug 25, 2011)

Meh. It doesn't seem useful for anything past one-night-stands, but I guess it (apparently) works for some people. Not the most respectable of tactics, but hardly anything criminal.


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

i do recognize it, and it's a turnoff.

usually i have no desire to publicly embarrass or hurt the guy though, so i don't let on that i'm "on to" him, or show any sort of negative response, but internally - if he had been on my list of potential romantic interests - he has been crossed off. 

i don't have any desire to date any guy who doesn't respect me enough to treat me with straightforwardness and respect rather than try to underhandedly trick me into some sort of quasi-relationship or casual encounter. if just being himself isn't enough to make me love him, nothing else will ever be enough...and seriously, nothing else is what i want. i want the _real_ him, not a renovated front; and have been known to fall for people (fall in love platonically and/or get interested romantically) for no reason other than their complete, unadulterated, unapologetic authenticity ~ they are who they are, and they aren't ashamed to be completely themselves ~ no airs, no pretense, no image intended to impress...in public. that takes a ton more confidence than most things, anyway, so i admire the courage as well as adore the honesty it portrays.

all pickup artistry feels like disrespect and toying around with serious things (people's deepest feelings that are implicated in intimacy, and psychiatric health). it is manipulation with serious consequences. our feelings aren't pawns, and our psychiatric futures are too important to be dependent on a casual roll of the dice by a player who views it all as a game. 

i'm not talking about bar scenes where people are there in search of casual encounters, and everyone knows what it's all about, so there isn't really any deceit or fooling of people...or relationships that are overtly, clearly, and intentionally casual. i'm talking about pickup artistry which presupposes that the girl has to be deceived into an encounter with the guy, emotionally manipulated to desire him, then given the false impression of "falling in love" and a "serious relationship," where the actual desire is to "use & throw away." that is like playing Russian roulette with sensitive psyches. do these guys have any idea how many women are already _broken_ by insecurity? do they have any idea what that _does_ to the human psyche, and they want to take advantage of it and 'kick a [woman] while she's down' and just make it worse? 

it pains me to see what PUA tactics have done to so many naive young girls who have been duped by them...the guy disappears once he's gotten what he wanted, and the girl is left broken and devastated, her already broken self-esteem hopelessly shattered, not having known that none of his words or schemes could be trusted. 

women aren't games: stop trying to play us.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

@*emerald sea* thank you  that was a beautiful post! 

men have no idea how much it hurts to cry to someone you love and thought loved you 'why are you playing with my emotions'. It is so hard to put it in a healthy perspective that all men are NOT like that. 

If I were a guy ... well number one, I would have an ENORMOUS .... heart. And I'd be freaking pissed off that other men do this because it only makes that lock on a good heart that much harder to break. Well not harder to break, just a more complicated password


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> That is seriously REPULSIVE.
> 
> you mean to tell me a guy is like "awww man, I'm such a loser. I really want to bang that hot girl over there who is smiling and laughing. She'll never be interested in a loser like me. Maybe I should go trash her self esteem so she feels like a loser too. And then we can do the loser hanky panky." GROSS.
> Loser AND Retarded!
> ...


Not really "trashing", rather giving the upper hand. It's a strategic move to accomplish a goal. The point is to make the girl feel as though you are interested but don't need her. This is actually how a girl should feel if the guy was confident and didn't feel like he needed her. Negging simulates that.


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## FacePalm (Jun 27, 2012)

MegaTuxRacer said:


> Not really "trashing", rather giving the upper hand. It's a strategic move to accomplish a goal. The point is to make the girl feel as though you are interested but don't need her. This is actually how a girl should feel if the guy was confident and didn't feel like he needed her. Negging simulates that.


Well looks like President Kim knows something about picking up women afterall.


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

FacePalm said:


> Well looks like President Kim knows something about picking up women afterall.


Ha, I don't do it. I prefer the organic method.


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## Joseph (Jun 20, 2012)

By pinpointing a girl's insecurities, men try to gain advantage in the dynamic of a conversation. It makes them seem powerful and the girls that are looking for one night stands, and have a few drinks in them, can succumb to this. MNis is completely correct in saying this:



MNiS said:


> I can't believe some guys (and I'm sure some women do it too) think that negging is any way to build a relationship. I suppose that's the crux of the problem: Guys do this to women to have a fling with them, not to have any sort of a meaningful relationship.


The majority of guys do this type of thing because they struggle to build a social group to meet other women for casual sexual encounters. It's why they approach strangers and act aggressive and whatnot. There is no way in hell they are trying to build meaningful relationships.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

so essentially they pretend not to need her but actually do? so it's like faking having a soul? oh I mean, self confidence and a self esteem. I'm sorry to be cruel to the PUA masters (which none are in this thread so I know that nobody is offended, right?) ... 

because essentially they are using and abusing women like their some ... toy. Nice.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Wow... I thought I became partner of my current GF the right way... I constantly bombarded her with compliments and helped her in any way I could... But this... This "negging" obviously makes sense. These men will so not be alone when they're a little over 40.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

When it happens to me, I call them out on it: "Blatantly obvious that you're practicing the 'negging' technique. Straight from some PUA website for sexual lepers. Do you need an instruction manual on how to fuck, too?"

Deer in headlights. Every time.


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> so essentially they pretend not to need her but actually do? so it's like faking having a soul? oh I mean, self confidence and a self esteem. I'm sorry to be cruel to the PUA masters (which none are in this thread so I know that nobody is offended, right?) ...
> 
> because essentially they are using and abusing women like their some ... toy. Nice.


The thing is, these guys _are_ essentially... "losers". Not in the "what scum!" kind of loser way, but in the "can't get a date for trying" kind of loser way (which I hate to use the term "loser" in that sense, because that's horrible - but that's _their _terminology). A lot of these men have had to go out of their way to transform themselves - haircuts, spray tans, interesting outfits, one-on-one coaching from highly respected PUAs in the community, seminars, _training_ even. They literally ARE faking having self-confidence and self-esteem, because you strip them of their magic tricks, social manipulation, and gaudy outfits, and they're essentially Shy Guys or Socially Awkward Guys. They've had to learn these ridiculous techniques to even attract the smallest hint of interest from women.

It's incredibly shitty that they've resorted to that (both for their own sake as well as for the women whom they manipulate and treat with little respect). But it's all flash and gimmicks. I really feel like a lot of them _don't_ have any self-worth, and they're too scared to show their true selves to the women they're pursuing because that True Self never got any respect or attention from them before their transformation into PUA Extraordinaire. 

What a shame it's come down to this for some people.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

You know, when I heard this mentioned on Big Bang Theory a while back, I always considered it to be one of those joke things they give to the guy who keeps failing to get women, but still considers himself a Casanova of sorts. Not something anyone actually does.


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

Promethea said:


> Ahhh. I discovered this before there was a term for it. One of my exs did it to me, and I have seen it done to others.
> 
> At the time I was a size 4, from just never eating, and he tried to convince me that I'm "fat" even though a few friends and my mom were actually worried that I was unhealthily thin for my frame. He would constantly find disgusting comments to make about my body, even though other shallow guys were were into objectification would tell me that I was damn near flawless. It did actually screw with my head -- and for the very reason someone mentioned earlier; women are made to feel very confused about their body image from the media. I have a thread where I'm talking about how average sized women these days are considered plus-size, and this "omfg fat" message in the media is destroying women, telling them firstly that if you're fat - then you fail as a woman, and then there are so many confusing messages on what exactly it means to be fat.
> 
> ...


Oh gosh, that's horrible. 

As for Myrtle Beach, though? 
I live in North Carolina (RTP region). When you go cross the border into South Carolina, you can just feel the conservatism in the air.
And oh god, the racism/sexism, it burns.

I know _exactly _what you're talking about with Myrtle Beach.
That state is pretty much a shithole, tbqh.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

La Petite Sirène said:


> The thing is, these guys _are_ essentially... "losers". Not in the "what scum!" kind of loser way, but in the "can't get a date for trying" kind of loser way (which I hate to use the term "loser" in that sense, because that's horrible - but that's _their _terminology). A lot of these men have had to go out of their way to transform themselves - haircuts, spray tans, interesting outfits, one-on-one coaching from highly respected PUAs in the community, seminars, _training_ even. They literally ARE faking having self-confidence and self-esteem, because you strip them of their magic tricks, social manipulation, and gaudy outfits, and they're essentially Shy Guys or Socially Awkward Guys. They've had to learn these ridiculous techniques to even attract the smallest hint of interest from women.
> 
> It's incredibly shitty that they've resorted to that (both for their own sake as well as for the women whom they manipulate and treat with little respect). But it's all flash and gimmicks. I really feel like a lot of them _don't_ have any self-worth, and they're too scared to show their true selves to the women they're pursuing because that True Self never got any respect or attention from them before their transformation into PUA Extraordinaire.
> 
> What a shame it's come down to this for some people.


actually, I slightly disagree. Coming from a loser perspective (myself) 

I think it absolutely is the "What Scum" kind of loser. Though they haven't a clue. It's sad, like the innocent person who tries crack just once, only to a year later be a bone certified crack head. Listen, this may be opinion but in my life it holds true ... _God helps those_ _who help themselves._ These guys are avoiding helping themselves, and like someone who is depressed chooses to drink (now the brain is 10 times more likely to become addicted), these guys are taking the easy way out, only to find themselves completely incapable of holding down a relationship down the line (when they are ready and wanting one). *What a waste of time*. 

And I say this not because I am something special. I say this because I have done my fair share of "wasting time". The only thing that sets me a part from these, IMO, douche's .. is that I wasn't out reaking havoc on other people's psyche's while I was doing my fair share of "wasting my time". The only reason I consider myself NOT a loser is because I am always de-loser-fying myself. No offense to anyone, but IMO, all people are losers in one way shape or form. (loser=your weakness's). 

It is utterly pathetic when a person actually thinks that they are exempt from being human. They put on some ridiculous mask hiding who they are, as if no can see them. I mean really? What are you like 5?! *Like the little kid who throws a blanket over themselves and because they can not see you, they assume you can't see them It's exactly like that! *

*Pathetic*. PUA people are the cream of the crop of human idiocy! BLAH! 









*This thread is trouble! **Unsubscribed*


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## Joseph (Jun 20, 2012)

La Petite Sirène said:


> The thing is, these guys _are_ essentially... "losers". Not in the "what scum!" kind of loser way, but in the "can't get a date for trying" kind of loser way (which I hate to use the term "loser" in that sense, because that's horrible - but that's _their _terminology). A lot of these men have had to go out of their way to transform themselves - haircuts, spray tans, interesting outfits, one-on-one coaching from highly respected PUAs in the community, seminars, _training_ even. They literally ARE faking having self-confidence and self-esteem, because you strip them of their magic tricks, social manipulation, and gaudy outfits, and they're essentially Shy Guys or Socially Awkward Guys. They've had to learn these ridiculous techniques to even attract the smallest hint of interest from women.
> 
> It's incredibly shitty that they've resorted to that (both for their own sake as well as for the women whom they manipulate and treat with little respect). But it's all flash and gimmicks. I really feel like a lot of them _don't_ have any self-worth, and they're too scared to show their true selves to the women they're pursuing because that True Self never got any respect or attention from them before their transformation into PUA Extraordinaire.
> 
> What a shame it's come down to this for some people.


I know it works plenty because one of my closest friends isn't part of the website or whatever, but he reads a lot about and has applied it to how he approaches women. It has done what the book-thing stated it will do, he has slept with a bunch of women. I considered looking into it when I was absolutely furious over my last big break-up, but then read some of the things you had to do and immediately was alienated by it. 

Some men feel detached enough with the typical dating scene that will try this approach. It's sad, but if it sometimes works (it does) and they struggle to find casual sex typically, then I can (sadly) understand them doing it.

Regular guys do this (sub?)consciously too. They may not do it through 'negging', but they definitely dominate the conversation and try to deceive or trick the girl into sleeping with them. It just seems worse when PUAs do it because deep down they still have that nerdy/loser persona. I think it's easy to blame men but when we have a dating scene where 70% of women sleep with the top 20% of guys, the other 80% of men are trying to close that gap between 20%, by whatever legal (and ethical?) means possible. percentages were just made up to demonstrate a point


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Joseph said:


> *Regular guys do this (sub?)consciously too.* They may not do it through 'negging', but they definitely dominate the conversation and try to deceive or trick the girl into sleeping with them. It just seems worse when PUAs do it because deep down they still have that nerdy/loser persona. * I think it's easy to blame men but when we have a dating scene where 70% of women sleep with the top 20% of guys, the other 80% of men are trying to close that gap between 20%, by whatever legal (and ethical?) means possible.*


 fair enough. I understand your point (or at least I think I do). 
And I'm happy you don't subscribe to it, and realize it is always best to try to see all angles. 

I must say I am having a hard time believing in the accuracy of the percentages. And it doesn't hold much weight with me either, because by that same logic, it can justify a woman to be a man hater. Just because a man *feels* as though 70% of women are doing whatever ... doesn't mean there are 30% of women hoping you won't turn jaded. Whenever I find a cynical man all jaded and dubious of women, I always want to say, "you wouldn't be attracted to a man hater, would you?" I think not.

I can't hold it against anyone for being human, but I do hold them responsible for managing their emotions. 
PUA's may have their reasons. But there is no such thing as an excuse.


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## Joseph (Jun 20, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> fair enough. I understand your point (or at least I think I do).
> And I'm happy you don't subscribe to it, and realize it is always best to try to see all angles.
> 
> I must say I am having a hard time believing in the accuracy of the percentages. And it doesn't hold much weight with me either, because by that same logic, it can justify a woman to be a man hater. Just because a man *feels* as though 70% of women are doing whatever ... doesn't mean there are 30% of women hoping you won't turn jaded. Whenever I find a cynical man all jaded and dubious of women, I always want to say, "you wouldn't be attracted to a man hater, would you?" I think not.
> ...


The percentages were complete exaggerations to make a point, sorry let me edit :frustrating: 

I don't think it's people who try PUA turn into women-haters, I think it's men frustrated by the dating scene and have underlying issues with women are easily persuaded to try PUA 'tactics'. I think I am repeating myself. I feel like I'm just mindlessly ranting sophistries though. 

I agree that this doesn't qualify someone to become deceptive in pursuing the opposite sex, but I also believe most people are naturally deceptive. I know I am


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Joseph said:


> . I know I am


 :shocked: YOU ARE!!! You mean you are human too!!! -_- 
awesome, it gives us something to do  Seriously, I get what you were saying, it's one of those things that could be talked into circles till our eyes bleed. I say let's go mutilate another thread >.<
*
note:* being deceptive is a human quality that can go to the dark side or managed and turned positive by creating things you want by taking responsibility. I guess that is what I meant. I don't want people thinking I'm an awful deceptive person. Just I don't care to deny the fact that my kid manipulates me all the time! And he is super! Somehow ... I managed to purchase 5 bags of goldfish of a variety of unhealthy flavors. I think he deceived me with the freckles on his nose! I've been dooped! -_-


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

The big question I will pose here now is simple: Not with you, per say, but with the rest of the human population, what is the average success rate of such tactics? 

Now, consider these PUAs as people who were completely incapable of a relationship or even a date before. Low or not, their success just went up tremendously. This may be a bit cynical, but from their perspective, the fact that no woman would acknowledge them before means that an alternative measure is required. They are trying to help themselves. And in fact, many are succeeding in the goal they set out to accomplish: get laid and have a good time. They don't care if people judge them, they don't care what a bunch of 30 year olds on an internet forum say about them, they are actually being successful. 

My point: It makes sense. I find the hatred against PUA kind of funny here though. Women know they wouldn't date the guy if they weren't PUA. Some women wouldn't date the guy either way, so the guy will move on. PUAs (smart nerd guys) go for dumb girls. That is the basis for such tactics. They are beautify idiot girls, but idiot girls nontheless. But who cares, PUAs are just in it for sex anyway. The women that reject PUAs or even acknowledge PUA tactics are considered smart. (And not on a COMPLETELY unrelated note:








(Random Note: I am not a PUA, but I do borrow some PUA tactics (many of which are actually just a handbook of how to flirt anyway)).


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Signify said:


>


:laughing: And you are asking why smart women are angry about the whole PUA thing?! LOL!

I'm allergic to cats! It's SO UNFAIR! Why do you think I'm obsessed with them! I can't get one :sad:

I get that it is about how to flirt. But ... I think this is when I tell people, sometimes you can read a book and declare it as trash but take 2% of value in it. If a nerd guy were to read a book and be capable of understanding the concepts, rather than just memorizing tactics ... he might actually grow as a person because he would question the purpose (functionality, the evolution) of such concepts. 

**Totally Hating The Options Smart Girls Get* *:angry: *NOT COOL!!! *

-_- reality really blows sometimes ...


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## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

These people are silly. 

Do people really crave fufillment so much as to go to these extremes?
(I mean sure. People do love sex. But is it really the end-all activity? I mean can't these people do something interesting with their lives like watch a movie, or play some games, or read a book. Hell theres even sport if you're desperate! XD Whats wrong with a good wank and a bit of imagination? (or some porn if you need that kind of stimulation))

These people must be very insecure or just shallow-minded assholes. Oh well, in the end people like this end up miserable and unfufilled.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

RetroVortex said:


> These people are silly.
> 
> Do people really crave fufillment so much as to go to these extremes?
> (I mean sure. People do love sex. But is it really the end-all activity? I mean can't these people do something interesting with their lives like watch a movie, or play some games, or read a book. Hell theres even sport if you're desperate! XD Whats wrong with a good wank and a bit of imagination? (or some porn if you need that kind of stimulation))
> ...


What's wrong with wanting to fuck? The only thing these guys are guilty of is not knowing how to flirt and when to pick their moments. The rest is just pitiable.


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## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

android654 said:


> What's wrong with wanting to fuck? The only thing these guys are guilty of is not knowing how to flirt and when to pick their moments. The rest is just pitiable.


I don't have any qualms about casual sex (I don't think I could engage in it myself (I know I'd either get attached or feel guilty about it)) but in this case I don't like the manipulation and the focus/obsession on it.

I don't like objectification either. Like it's some kind of goal or achievement.
(hey I'm all for achievements in games but in reality such bevahiour can hurt people)

Edit: I think it's a matter of consent too. It feels to me like this kind of manipulation robs the equality of consent. As if one (or both) parties are being forced into a situation they are uncomfortable with as a means to prove self-worth.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

RetroVortex said:


> I don't have any qualms about casual sex (I don't think I could engage in it myself (I know I'd either get attached or feel guilty about it)) but in this case I don't like the manipulation and the focus/obsession on it.
> 
> I don't like objectification either. Like it's some kind of goal or achievement.
> (hey I'm all for achievements in games but in reality such bevahiour can hurt people)


Sex is a two way street. It takes an insecure man to have to try and break people down to get what the want from them, but it takes a naive women to succumb to that treatment.



> Edit: I think it's a matter of consent too. It feels to me like this kind of manipulation robs the equality of consent. As if one (or both) parties are being forced into a situation they are uncomfortable with as a means to prove self-worth.


Forced? Forced how? From what's been said, the guy says some scripted lines and the woman responds to it, hopefully leading to sex. I'm not seeing how this is forced on anyone. All I am seeing is a scenario where two people are varying degrees of desperate and would rather have some quick sex rather than go on feel as desperate for another night. Might not be healthy in the long run, but I'm not seeing force or coercion.


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## RetroVortex (Aug 14, 2012)

android654 said:


> Sex is a two way street. It takes an insecure man to have to try and break people down to get what the want from them, but it takes a naive women to succumb to that treatment.
> 
> 
> 
> Forced? Forced how? From what's been said, the guy says some scripted lines and the woman responds to it, hopefully leading to sex. I'm not seeing how this is forced on anyone. All I am seeing is a scenario where two people are varying degrees of desperate and would rather have some quick sex rather than go on feel as desperate for another night. Might not be healthy in the long run, but I'm not seeing force or coercion.


Heh. You are probably right there. 
But I still think western societies carry with them very harsh underlying expectations that can influence people to act this way.

(most likely though my passion is getting ahead of me here! XD)


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## FiNe SiTe (Dec 11, 2009)

Who even thinks to come up with this kind of stuff? Seriously...


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

donkeybals said:


> ^^ I don't like that rule because it gives a bad name to women in bars/clubs. You just have to have to know the right spots. Like if you see a girl uncomfortably standing around and wanting to leave like @_Ningsta Kitty_, you know she's not bar trash. However, if you see a girl with racoon eyes, and her voice is really raspy, and she has a high heel for weapon, and is telling off the bouncer. Than _maybe_, just maybe not for mom.


:blushed: * Blushing!* 

seriously though. you have no idea! I'm one of those people who slips out of the woodwork only to go, "EEP!" and run back home  I've had 4 inebriated men seriously propose marriage (yes, I know. every girls dream) and only one was in a relationship with me. And the club? It was my friends birthday, she eventually pulled me on the dance floor where this creepy man about 15 yrs older was right behind me 'out of nowhere!' and I SWEAR ON MY LIFE, not 5 or 7 minutes later, with me pretending to know what I was doing, I felt his hand on my crotch and looked down, and he has unzippered my pants! I don't even know how the eff he found it! they were those black express pants where the zipper isn't really visible. I almost died! Needless to say, at the time ... I was not amused -_-

I went back the bar where this Indian guy was super excited to talk to me and bought me a diet coke. 

*sighs* ... see I have my experiences too! I'm not stupid. Just confused with the world I live in 

Note: I am seriously not even that special. I think the guys get drunk and see I'm different and get infatuated. If they knew me, they would know I'm just a smart ass who is a pain in the ass sometimes. I think men get nervous over nothing personally, they really don't need this stuff. Most girls are just normal people.


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> I SWEAR ON MY LIFE, not 5 or 7 minutes later, with me pretending to know what I was doing, I felt his hand on my crotch and looked down, and he has unzippered my pants!


What. the. _fuck_?!

Duuuude, that is_ so_ not cool. :angry:


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

La Petite Sirène said:


> What. the. _fuck_?!
> 
> Duuuude, that is_ so_ not cool. :angry:


I know right?! AND let's not forget it was ON the dance floor. That is what makes that memory so outrageous. I was super irate she chose that place for her birthday. *uck* must take shower b4 bed to cleanse myself of creepy man memory *shutters*

I often wonder if other places in the U.S. are like my city. I used to live there when I was little but we moved to the burbs (kinda embarrassed as that just sounds so lame) but it's true. Anyways, I barely ever go to the city. I do have friends I keep in touch with from early grammar school that STILL go to the city every weekend. I just can't handle that! Uck. 

*I am gonna try to find a funny short story I wrote based off a crazy city event when I was about 20ish. I forgot where I posted it though./holds thought*


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## Morpheus83 (Oct 17, 2008)

"Is that your natural hair colour?" *snigger*


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Morpheus83 said:


> "Is that your natural hair colour?" *snigger*


 in the infj photo's? yeah. or the batman/batgirl photo from flickr. I'm gonna be honest, I don't have the courage to wear pleather OR fishnet stockings as pants! -_- I'd be scared, lol!

*wondering if comment was for me. snigger?*  I'm lost. I'm so hopelessly dorky :/


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> I know right?! AND let's not forget it was ON the dance floor. That is what makes that memory so outrageous. I was super irate she chose that place for her birthday. *uck* must take shower b4 bed to cleanse myself of creepy man memory *shutters*


Thankfully I've never had someone go to that extreme, but I have had men rub their crotches up against me, or try to grab me or touch me whilst dancing on the dancefloor. They think they're being cheeky and cute when they pinch your bottom and give you a wink. How charming. 



Ningsta Kitty said:


> *I am gonna try to find a funny short story I wrote based off a crazy city event when I was about 20ish. I forgot where I posted it though./holds thought*


That could be a fun read.  




Ningsta Kitty said:


> *wondering if comment was for me. snigger?*  I'm lost. I'm so hopelessly dorky :/


"Is that your natural hair colour" is an actual neg that PUAs use on women.  But regardless, your response made me go and look up your picture in the INFJ thread (I was curious!) and you're very pretty!


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## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

@MegaTuxRacer, _see_ that creepy guy knows how to spot the good ones at the club. Lol.


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

donkeybals said:


> @MegaTuxRacer, _see_ that creepy guy knows how to spot the good ones at the club. Lol.


Yeah but he didn't want to take her home to mom. Just...home.


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## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

You can't know that. Maybe he was from another country and that was just his way of introducing himself?


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> *honestly? NOT THAT! *... don't underestimate the naiveness of women.
> *seriously*, it's not just me.
> 
> I went to a club once! Never again! ... but too this day! ... JUST THE OTHER DAY! ... I was in a conversation about a situation, and the person I spoke to (a man) said "See! I told you!" and I replied, "But I didn't think that, it makes no sense. why would a guy do that?!" ... but alas .. I haven't a man brain in me head
> ...


I thought you were "innocent," but I'm now seeing that you're *really *innocent. Still, you should've broken that guy's hand and made him eat one of the speakers, but that's just me. Still, the idea of going to a club to socialize and just hang out is almost never the outcome. Guys in particular go with the intent of doing something. Think about it like a Natgeo documentary about big cats in Africa. That's pretty much the mindset guys have when we go to clubs.



MegaTuxRacer said:


> Rule numero uno of finding a girl to bring home to mom: not at a bar or club.


This is why you're supreme commander, even in death. Anyone worth your time will only be found by a lucky coincidence or by deliberately seeking out a particular type of individual by their personality or habits. None of those things can be discerned in a club setting.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

android654 said:


> Nobody goes to a club looking for a girlfriend. I do find it funny though when I hear people say they can't find a good guy/girl. I'm always thinking, "What the hell? You only go to clubs, why do you think people go there?"










at the notion of someone looking for a quality person who's relationship material and expecting to find them at a club or bar. That's why I've never set foot in either.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

La Petite Sirène said:


> That could be a fun read.   I tried looking it up, it's lost in the secret game in the entertainment thread, I'll have to recant the story another time. Just logged on to play the classical music thread before my son got on the bus. INFJ's have awesome tast, btw
> 
> "Is that your natural hair colour" is an actual neg that PUAs use on women.  But regardless, your response made me go and look up your picture in the INFJ thread (I was curious!) and you're very pretty!


 thank you  
Not gonna lie though, I didn't know, I had no idea! I'm not sure what that is suppose to do. 
And I feel really* really *stupid right now. :sad: I'll have to come back to this thread when I'm not feeling so discouraged and defeated that I'm apparently retarded. Why would some random dude on PerC ask me that anyways? I should have known it was weird.  
*I still haven't a clue what snigger means either*


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> thank you
> Not gonna lie though, I didn't know, I had no idea! I'm not sure what that is suppose to do.
> And I feel really* really *stupid right now. :sad: I'll have to come back to this thread when I'm not feeling so discouraged and defeated that I'm apparently retarded. Why would some random dude on PerC ask me that anyways? I should have known it was weird.
> *I still haven't a clue what snigger means either*



Umm... You both got it wrong. Look at what you said first, then think about his question about hair color in the context of that story. He was being quite pervy. 

Snigger is another way of saying snicker. He's giggling.


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

android654 said:


> Umm... You both got it wrong. Look at what you said first, then think about his question about hair color in the context of that story. He was being quite pervy.


That's what I thought at first, but I remember the book saying that "Is that your natural hair colour?" is a more frequently used neg. :laughing: Come now, @Morpheus83 - were you being a cheeky bugger?


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

android654 said:


> Umm... You both got it wrong. Look at what you said first, then think about his question about hair color in the context of that story. He was being quite pervy.
> 
> Snigger is another way of saying snicker. He's giggling.


well at least @*La Petite Sirène* got it. I'm still (even more so now!) feeling *really* stupid. :sad: I told a story. He, out of nowhere, asks if my hair is my natural color. I didn't connect it to the story. The story was about my one experience at a night club, with some weird old man who attempted to unzip my pants on the dance floor. where does my hair color come into play with all of this. I'm so missing something. I don't get it at all! 

I assumed he saw my pics I recently put up. I've had a fair amounts of comment about them so I assumed that is what he was referring to. A lot of people ask if that is me in the avatar to. I had no idea that a story about a perv relates to asking if that is my natural hair color. And how is that pervy. I'm so confused! 

Seriously. I don't want to play anymore. I have intelligence that can swim in the depths of a persons being, bring me to shallow water ... I drown. I seriously don't get wtf is going on and I'm so backing away from this topic. I'm not mad or upset or anything at anyone, just that it is apparent I am just not that type of intelligent and frankly, I'm not all that sure I want this explained to me either.

I am *SO* confused right now. -_-


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> well at least @*La Petite Sirène* got it. I'm still (even more so now!) feeling *really* stupid. :sad: I told a story. He, out of nowhere, asks if my hair is my natural color. I didn't connect it to the story. The story was about my one experience at a night club, with some weird old man who attempted to unzip my pants on the dance floor. where does my hair color come into play with all of this. I'm so missing something. I don't get it at all!
> 
> I assumed he saw my pics I recently put up. I've had a fair amounts of comment about them so I assumed that is what he was referring to. A lot of people ask if that is me in the avatar to. I had no idea that a story about a perv relates to asking if that is my natural hair color. And how is that pervy. I'm so confused!
> 
> ...


All it means is that you're not as easily corruptible as I am. You're a genuinely sweet and innocent person. There are like 4 of you left, I'd take pride in that.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

android654 said:


> All it means is that you're not as easily corruptible as I am. You're a genuinely sweet and innocent person. There are like 4 of you left, I'd take pride in that.


you forget, I *work* to be sweet. I'm not just _"sweet"_. 

I'm sweet and innocent because I'm *stubborn* and *selfish*. 

I would rather flip out, _*about me section*_, than let someone corrupt me. 

If I decide to be an idiot, then I'll be an idiot on my own accord. - Johann Sebastian Bach. 

Remember when I told you, you just needed a good girlfriend? Well, be selfish and selective android. People influence each other subconsciously whether they like it or not. that's core reality. So when someone is wanting to corrupt you in a way you _know_ you are_ too good_ for, (recalls first BF's motto) *FTB* (that's fuck the bullshit) ..._ and move on_. 

No company is better than bad company. *nods*

OH! and why the hell won't these guys just read a freaking body language book! And how was asking me about my hair color pervie? I don't get it. I may not be a pervert but I know pervie. *It made no sense* ... 
*shakes head* ... confused still


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## Splash Shin (Apr 7, 2011)

Some guys do this, and I have seen it. They usually fail, its quite funny.

Some women do this as well. Even inside of relationships i see it. all these "shit tests" early days, and then later with the random insults..... 

It's not just men who use this method. Dick heads in general like to use it.


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## Morpheus83 (Oct 17, 2008)

La Petite Sirène said:


> That's what I thought at first, but I remember the book saying that "Is that your natural hair colour?" is a more frequently used neg. :laughing: Come now, @Morpheus83 - were you being a cheeky bugger?


Right  It was totally out of left field and I was being cheeky. "Is that your natural hair colour?" is one of the funniest (and cliched) negs I've ever come across


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