# How did you get help from bullying?



## The Veteran (Oct 24, 2018)

This for people to share themselves about the time about bullying and how you came over it.

If you feel uncomfortable talking about bullying we can understand.

Never forget that there will be someone for you.

I want people to feel self-worth and have development in self-esteem.

I like to address members to not spread unkindness to your friends here.


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## Aridela (Mar 14, 2015)

It's probably not going to be of much help, but I just decided to fight back. 

I was bullied because of my surname and the fact that I was a bit weird (undiagnosed Aspergers). This was pretty bad when I was in middle school and first year of high school. Around that time I started to get involved with the underground metal scene and my self esteem got a boost, I guess. So, I just started responding to my abusers, in a calm, no nonsense manner, and the whole thing just fizzled out in a matter of weeks.


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## 74893H (Dec 27, 2017)

I was at the bottom of the totem pole all throughout school and I was bullied by most of my peers just because it was 'cool' to do, but to be honest I just got used to it so I guess I hardened up to it. It still bothered me but at the end of the day it was just part of the daily grind for me. Go to school, be surrounded by assholes, go home and play videogames. C'est la vie. I think having going home and playing my games to look forward to every day helped though, so in a horrifically clichéd way I think video games actually really helped me cope.

I guess my advice to people being bullied is just to know that it is so, so so so temporary. Despite what people say in my own opinion there really isn't all that much you can do about the immediate school bullying you're experiencing NOW unless you can somehow radically change peoples' opinion of you, but once school's over and you go into the adult world people are so much more mature and generally want to get along with you rather than ostracise you. Bullies still exist in the adult world but they're much rarer and everyone else does NOT like them. It's not all that unlikely that you'll work somewhere where you get along with absolutely everyone and everyone's lovely. The smaller the team the less likely there is to be a dick in it.

Also, I find that being bullied kind of builds a compassion in people since they know what it's like to be on the receiving end of abuse, and people in the adult world will notice and appreciate that.


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## Learned (May 4, 2019)

There was a bully in my school when I was around 8-9.

The way I took care of that situation was showing him it wasnt cast efficient for him to access social status via bullying. That collaboration was more efficient. He was gonna go for it anyway, this time his(their) targets just werent no longer us


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## Lucan1010 (Jul 23, 2018)

I think the only time I was bullied was way back in 7th grade when I was around 12 or 13, some jerk that bullied everyone would steal my pencil case at lunch. I think one of my friends went to the school resource officer and reported him. I found it annoying but it never really bothered me that much, apparently, it bothered my friend a lot though. If I ever see any kind of bullying I don't tolerate it though, I'll intervene. As the Sage Lemony Snicket once said, "Bullies shouldn't be ignored. They should be stopped.".


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## ShashaCruz (Jul 20, 2018)

ignore them and they go away, never respond


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## Introvertia (Feb 6, 2016)

I talked about it to a psychologist, therapist, whatnot until I realized they could not offer any actual help, because they rely on the endless cycle bs, _talk about it until it does not affect you anymore_, except it does not work like that. Alcohol and benzos combined with online ranting are cheaper than monologue sessions with a mute person listening to you vent with only one final phrase, "our time is coming to an end".


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## Necrofantasia (Feb 26, 2014)

I didn't. 

Every time I had to do something myself, whether by hiding, talking or beating the shit out of them. My luckiest break was moving countries because that solved the worst of it.


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## APBReloaded (Mar 8, 2019)

Bullying? I told the teachers and they actually did something about it in the schools I went to.


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## Super Luigi (Dec 1, 2015)

I didn't get help from anyone. I was alone.

I still am.

:sadcloud:


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## Free Man (Apr 23, 2019)

I only experienced bullying in elementary school and a less obvious form in middle school. It was all psychological because they knew that physical bullying would have ended badly for them. I never paid my bullies much mind and some were so pathetic I actually felt bad for them. I was a quiet and slightly awkward kid so I imagine they confused that for some kind of exploitable weakness. They were mistaken. 

In middle school I didn't even realize I was being bullied through subtle mockery due to my (at the time) underdeveloped social awareness. Since I didn't make any fuss about the subtle mockery in middle school (after I had realized what was happening), some of those same students regarded me with an unusual amount of respect in high school. 

If I ever "overcame" bullying, I suppose it was because I didn't give an inch to anyone who tried to mock or intimidate me. The one time a would-be bully tried to take it to physical level I retaliated in kind. He never bothered me again and developed, again, an unusual amount of respect for me afterward. 

Not sure if this would help anyone in an instructive way, but there it is :wink:


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## Zeta 97 (Sep 29, 2018)

Was bullied throughout primary school, i was that typical overweight shy girl in the back of the class. The bullying continued throughout high school until i became anorexia and lost all the weight, also i used to have braces so yeah. Once I was skinny it was like everyone change, people that used to mock me would compliment me... that's when i realized how fake and screwed up some people are. I am in university now and still bullied a little, I'm not gonna lie I am a bit of a pushover. I am one of those who will stand up for anyone being bullied but when it comes to myself I just shrug it off. I still deal with body image issues due to the bullying. Back then I remember that music really used to help, also reading (kind of like an escape from reality). I think that time I also realized people only bully other people cause they are also dealing with their own problems in life and that is their own way of reaching out or seeking attention. Not that it makes what they do or say any less terrible, just helps to understand where people come from sometimes.


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## Looniemoon (Jul 31, 2018)

I came to terms with the fact that there are always people willing to say mean things, and in response I tried to be more selective with who I interacted with. Of course, this is just with "verbal bullying" -- I don't have much experience with physical bullying. If ever a person is in physical danger I'd hope they'd call the police or otherwise let people know, because that's NOT okay and absolutely no one deserves that sort of treatment.


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

Sarge said:


> I didn't get help from anyone. I was alone.
> 
> I still am.
> 
> :sadcloud:


Same. I did not tell a soul. Granted it wasn't to the point of physical harm, but I have developed PTSD over anyone that looks remotely just like my bullies, so I tend to get wary of people until I'm convinced that they wouldn't hurt me. Due to that, people think I'm shy. I'm not. I just have anxieties.


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## Tropes (Jul 7, 2016)

Elementary school...
First time I remember was a highschooler, my dad found out who it was and scared the crap out of him. Second time was in the park with another kid - we were around 8ish - and a teenager pulled a knife on us and demanded we'll show him our penises. We told my friend's parents, a policewoman asked us some questions, about a year later he was in prison - probably not for that but I'd like to think it at least gave him a record for someone else to build a case on. There was also another kid - about a year or two older - who wasn't really a violence kind of bully but he did use blackmail and manipulation for molestation purposes, my dad figured it out and saved me before it got worse, thankfully it stopped at touching, somehow the blackmail part is the part I remember more clearly - I don't know why but that part felt more traumatic/significant than the actual touching, he tried that again when I was 12-13ish, at which point puberty started hitting hard for me while he was a late bloomer being left behind, and I distinctly remember kicking him again and again while he was balled up up against the wall and crying. When I was around 11ish, I was bullied by a 15 years old kid who thought it was fun to punch me... I talked to his girlfriend, got the shit punched out of me the next day, I talked to his girlfriend again, saw him cry in the corner he used to sit with his now ex-girlfriend, pulled out my tongue at him and run, the next day he came with his friends, one of his friends told him "What you are retarded? it's just a little kid!" and the rest made fun of him, and that was the end of it. 

Middle school and highschool:
Had 2 kids who would constantly bully me, after most of a school year of that I tried talking to our teacher, she laughed at me... I remember that laugh, it's pretty much edged into my memory. I started taking martial arts - it was mostly bullshit but it served as a confidence booster - I fought them the next time they came at me, I got into trouble, they didn't... By the time I was 17 I met one of them again and I bullying him, got all his friends to laugh while watching him crying with what later turned out to be a broken arm and wrote "I'm a retarded kid" permanent marker on his cast, later his friends kind of became friends with me and my friends and he ended up alone, later his mother kicked him out of the house at 18 and he ended up trying to break into a house and getting arrested and last I heard he's being in and out of prison ever since - that's not my house and it's not really related to me, but it does give me joy.

Since then:
When I was 31 I joined a forum nobody here has ever heard about and the mods there were meanies. Yep, I'm totally counting that.


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## Super Luigi (Dec 1, 2015)

Notus Asphodelus said:


> Same. I did not tell a soul. Granted it wasn't to the point of physical harm, but I have developed PTSD over anyone that looks remotely just like my bullies, so I tend to get wary of people until I'm convinced that they wouldn't hurt me. Due to that, people think I'm shy. I'm not. I just have anxieties.


Yeah, I'm always concerned someone will attack me if I show any sign of vulnerability, any genuine honest openness of my feelings. I try to stay very closed off and distant from most people. Most people don't want to be my friend. They just want to fix me, turn me into someone that I'm not, someone like them, because they have conditional love.


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## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

Notus Asphodelus said:


> Same. I did not tell a soul. Granted it wasn't to the point of physical harm, but I have developed PTSD over anyone that looks remotely just like my bullies, so I tend to get wary of people until I'm convinced that they wouldn't hurt me. Due to that, people think I'm shy. I'm not. I just have anxieties.


I sort of developed this, too, but it was at a subconscious level for a long time. I didn't fully realize it until a group of four or five noisy, flamboyant girls in their late teens walked passed me (I was in my early twenties) while I was out and about. My palms started sweating and my heart raced until they were out of sight. It took a lot of 'repeated exposures' to groups of teenagers as an adult before that stopped happening.

Disarming bullying with humor works pretty well... at least I know a lot of kids that handled it that way. I wasn't very good at it, even when I tried. :frustrating:


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

You're not alone in this.. Throughout my early teens and early 20s, I would get hyper sensitive around rowdy/noisy teens. Whenever it happened, I would get into psychosis and started hearing their "inner thoughts" about me (which may or not have been true). It had always been an upsetting occasion for me, and for that reason, I had to return home to calm down.

It isn't to say that now I'm cured. It has never left. It's just that now I'm able to cope with it.


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## Kamuela (Jun 16, 2019)

Context: (INTJ)
I am deeper into the journey but have some ways to go. (retired senior)
Abused since the day I was born, whether verbally or otherwise. (until I stopped it).

Lessons:
It is human nature to seek dominance and affirmation from others as to one's "importance" whether through charm, manipulation, or force. And, the more insecure a person, and the higher the need for externally defined identity, the greater the charm, manipulation, or bullying. To many, this gets more sophisticated with age, until even amongst seniors, the same "high school" gossiping, backstabbing, and cliche politics, happen all over again. Instead of playground sports, it's "pickleball" and bridge and sewing, etc.
But, the intention is still the same. The hurt is still the same. The damage is just as lasting.

Actionable Solutions:

1 Develop a high level of self confidence and self esteem based on personal growth and achievement, and leadership with compassion and inner strength.

2 Cultivate knowledge (including academic) and wisdom (requires learning from life experiences. . .walking the talk).

3 Realize that "bullying" or dominance seeking is innate to everyone in some form or another. It is easier to push someone down an inch than to grow an inch. That requires real inner change and most are not interested in that. Bullying feels good. Even if just a small ice pick in the ribs during a friendly conversation. One-up-manship is innate.

4 Grow a fearless inner nature. Not intellectually or academically or "in your mind to yourself", that's just a mental fake out. Like when people say, "don't ever touch me, that's when the real me comes out", or "I let that bully have his/her way, I took the high road", and other BS mental justifications for character weakness. Real fearlessness comes from having the courage to face each opponent while remaining neutral (own ego and emotions intact and balanced) and understanding and compassionate, while "handling" the situation in steps as it unfolds. And, ready to never back down without ever intimidating the other person. Bullies feed on fear and aquiesence. Don't. Period. Guard your own self esteem as well.

5 Aspire to be a "leader" of yourself and of others, and an inspiration by example (even if sometimes intimidating to others because of jealousy or envy), to walk a path of strength with calmness and compassion, and wisdom.

6 Finally, Conquer your own weaknesses as they arise. Once doing so and continuing to do so, you will never be dominated again.
If you are weak and feeble, take a non competitive non contact "martial arts" class and grow and then lead.
If you are exciteable and reactive, take Tai Chi or meditation, etc, classes, and learn to calm down amidst chaos.
If you pity yourself, donate a few hours a week to help at the Salvation Army soup kitchen dishing meals out to the needy.
If you are an unhappy subservient employee, work to be a "boss", if not that, own your own company.

You cannot change others, but you can change yourself and your place in the world, anytime.
This is the wonder of who and what we are and what life is about.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

RK Respected Member said:


> This for people to share themselves about the time about bullying and how you came over it.
> 
> If you feel uncomfortable talking about bullying we can understand.
> 
> ...


i fucked them all up tbh.


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## lokasenna (Apr 7, 2019)

WorldzMine said:


> Which means it's likely that _you_ the reader were complicit or active in the abuse of one of your own peers during that time in your lives


Everyone is complicit in the abuse of someone else during some point in their life, including you. In fact, the way you were so eager to beat your bullies years later purely for the sake of revenge rather than out of a legitimate need for self defense could well be described as evil.



> I can understand your reluctance to label things that you did in your past as wrong and evil, but sorry you don't get to negate the concepts of right and wrong, just to blank out your evil actions from your own past.


Things usually aren't this black and white. Doing something that's wrong doesn't necessarily make a person evil. I don't think anyone here is trying to imply what people did to you was right. You're justified in being angry that you were hurt. But blaming everyone in your school for not standing up for you is a little extreme. Should they have? Probably. But it's human nature not to. People see someone else getting hurt and don't want that attention directed toward them. That's cowardly and it can be wrong, but it's not evil.



> Now, vow to never commit another evil act against another human being for as long as you live


If you are so indiscriminate with what you label evil, there is no way anyone could possibly live up this vow.


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## 30812 (Dec 22, 2011)

WorldzMine said:


> It is "about right and wrong" though. Entire groups (like essentially an entire school of kids) psychologically and physically abusing a person is _wrong_ whatever their reasons were at the time. There is no situation where this could ever be considered right. It's wrong on every level and the people who do this are at least to some degree _evil_, and can't hide behind their youth at the time for doing it.
> 
> I know the reason why you guys don't want to label this right or wrong, good or evil. The vast majority of the people at my junior high school were complicit or active in my own abuse, and I doubt my own experience above was an exception to the rule for most schools in the world. Which means it's likely that _you_ the reader were complicit or active in the abuse of one of your own peers during that time in your lives, and you are reluctant to label your own actions from that time for what they were, pure _evil_.
> 
> ...



I have no illusion what I did is not nice and I am not a good person by the standard of many. I did things far worse than bullying to helpless people because it's part of my job description and because it works. I took whatever's left in their bank accounts and have them hand me over 90% of their monthly salaries to pay their debts unwillingly. Moral judgments do not help those people if they do not help themselves.

What I am trying to say though is that there are all kinds of people picking on others for all kinds of reason and perceptions, right or wrong. Slapping a moral value on an act does not always help when we should be thinking about how to get away from this situation or better yet, how to prevent it from happening the best we can. There is always someone more powerful than us out there anyone can be subject to bullying for any reason.

Right now I am planning to get rid of a subordinate by way many may consider bullying. This staff has been trying to bully another staff who is very competent in the team in order to make him go away because he is a perceived threat to her. All her superiors including me have already warned her of her unsatisfactory performance (not behaviour because I learned through unofficial channels) for some time but it's nothing major enough to warrant action, yet she insists on staying "forever" literally from her own words because we have been tolerant towards her. So I can foresee this woman will continue to slowly seep poison in the office for a long time until one day all the good people are gone and I am left with people like her. You can't terminate her as the law does not cover toxic people so I look for solutions in the grey areas - Office politics. Say I am wrong or evil I don't really care. I do what works, and it will work because I own her and I break no laws.

Another instance when I was still a junior, my manager tried to get rid of me by spreading rumors to my colleagues and throw shit at me. I had to carefully diffuse them one by one and make friend with his superiors so I can isolate him in return. I'm here. He's not. What is right and what is wrong? A lot of times not so straightforward.

Defend yourself, make a change to improve the situation and try your best not to be targeted by bullies is all that matters. Feel bad later when you are no longer the victim.


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