# Long-Distance Relationship



## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

My boyfriend, a lovely ISFJ, is leaving the country for about four months come May and I'm sort of sad. Alright, devastated, can you blame me? I hope he has fun on his trip but I'm not sure how I feel about him leaving. I'm worried about "making it". He's the only person I've had real feelings for, the raw real kind, in a long time. I'm worried about how we'll keep things "alive," really.

Any advice?


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Marisa said:


> My boyfriend, a lovely ISFJ, is leaving the country for about four months come May and I'm sort of sad. Alright, devastated, can you blame me? I hope he has fun on his trip but I'm not sure how I feel about him leaving. I'm worried about "making it". He's the only person I've had real feelings for, the raw real kind, in a long time. I'm worried about how we'll keep things "alive," really.
> 
> Any advice?


Don't let the distance be of importance. Watch movies "together" (at the same time while you talk on the phone) eat the same foods together, talk every day, even have some sexy time on the phone or web cam if you aren't opposed to it. 4 months is not really a long time  you can make it.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

ISFjosue0098 said:


> Don't let the distance be of importance. Watch movies "together" (at the same time while you talk on the phone) eat the same foods together, talk every day, even have some sexy time on the phone or web cam if you aren't opposed to it. 4 months is not really a long time  you can make it.


Thank you, you're sweet.

I just hope that he feels as strongly as I do. That, and only that, will keep us afloat. I know it. I often don't know how he's feeling, he keeps things to himself (though it's often very clear when he's upset or angry, he just won't talk about it in the moment). But if he feels the way I do we will be OK. I just want things to be kept fresh and interesting between us. I'll definitely try all those things, we've even agreed that we'd send snail mail a lot.

He even told me how much he can't wait until my birthday, which is in October when he already gets back. I mean, he seems to be planning this thinking we'll be fine at the end of it. But I always worry. I have a soft spot for you ISFJs that I don't have for others, you see. roud:


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Marisa said:


> Thank you, you're sweet.
> 
> I just hope that he feels as strongly as I do. That, and only that, will keep us afloat. I know it. I often don't know how he's feeling, he keeps things to himself (though it's often very clear when he's upset or angry, he just won't talk about it in the moment). But if he feels the way I do we will be OK. I just want things to be kept fresh and interesting between us. I'll definitely try all those things, we've even agreed that we'd send snail mail a lot.
> 
> He even told me how much he can't wait until my birthday, which is in October when he already gets back. I mean, he seems to be planning this thinking we'll be fine at the end of it. But I always worry. I have a soft spot for you ISFJs that I don't have for others, you see. roud:


Well, I'm not so sure if this applies to ALL of them, but I'd feel quite safe saying that most ISFJs are very loyal. A long distance relationship for 4 months will only make him so crazy to see you again.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

ISFjosue0098 said:


> Well, I'm not so sure if this applies to ALL of them, but I'd feel quite safe saying that most ISFJs are very loyal. A long distance relationship for 4 months will only make him so crazy to see you again.


I guess. I even asked him if he had any intention of having a "break" from us and he was offended, very much so. I only asked because I know most people would. Not only because of the prospect of a fling, but because having someone back home puts "pressure" to call/skype etc. Not because I'd need it, though. But still, he was quite offended. I don't think he thinks I'm OK with him leaving. I am totally fine with him going, I just don't know how to cope with such a period of time. 

But you're very comforting.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

It's nice to miss somebody if there's a chance for reunion. I think the only acceptable form of long distance relationship is the one with an organic past and future for the physical aspect. Better be sure that you are not romantically involved with somebody who you can't touch. Some resentments requires a shoulder that you can feel it's coldness on your cheek to feel honestly guilty and some apologies requires a real hug to make forgiveness reasonable. There's also some other feelings which fueled by your instincts and they should relieved with an intense manifestation for mutual satisfaction.


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## phony (Nov 28, 2012)

If I were you I would talk the crap out of him xP Yeah... I'd let him know how I feel and ask him how he feels. Sometimes talking things through just makes everything seem better, even though nothing's really changed, y'know? He's still going but at least you both are sort of mentally/emotionally/coughsexuallycough prepared :3


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

As long as you keep in contact as close as you can to daily, you two will be okay  Communicate, communicate, communicate. And go in with a positive attitude as much as you can, but you should be able to talk with him a little about how you feel, your worries, expectations. Clear the air, but in a positive way. Long distance is not ideal, but it can definitely work if both people are committed.


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## dpt727 (Jul 16, 2012)

It may be hard for you when he is gone. But, keep yourself busy with things you like to do. Keep friendships with others going too. Keep the communications lines with him open. 

I can say, having been on both sides of this situation. Try not to make him feel bad for being gone, and having a good time while he is gone. Don't lay all of your doubts onto him. He hasn't owned them. You have already approached the "poss break up question" and from your post, that does not seem to be his thought. If he is planning on celebrating your birthday after he returns, then he sees this whole time as a continuium. 

Yes, it is easier for the one who is gone especially if it is a fun planned trip. But, don't make him think that you don't trust him. That can be emotionally draining for both of you. I have found ISFJs to be loyal and forthright take comfort in that. 

Too many doubts can become a self-fullfilling prophecy. Focus on the happy feelings and good times you have had and will have again when he returns! roud:


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## Eos_Machai (Feb 3, 2013)

I've been in a long-distance, or perhaps rather medium-distance relationship (we can still see each other at least once every month, and we do so) for six months now and we will probably live a part for perhaps two or three more years. It has so far been no problem at all for us, but we've lived together for five years so our relationship is already very grounded. We also have no issues about each other having sex or whatever, that's totally okey. So I guess it's quite different from being in a more vulnurable phase of the relationship.

I only have one advice really and that is to keep up with each others life and development. Call each other, not every day, but have relaxed quality phone time a few times every week. It's important that you talk when you have a lot of time and not when some of you is busy with something. Keep each other updated about what's going on in your lives, even through phone you can support each other when something is troubling you and it's important that you do. It's essential that each of you feel that you are still needed, even though you are not together physically. 

But you should be aware that the first weeks away he might be very excited about being in a new place, discovering new things etc. so it might not be appearant that he needs you. He might be focused on all the novelty, and that's just natural. But eventually he will have a need to contemplate and reflect on stuff and he will have various questions on his minds and then I guess it's you he wants to talk with. 

Hmmm besides that... well you should try to make the best out of being on your own without partner, do things for your self. Allow yourself to have fun. Develop. Don't worry.


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## brittauzenne (Feb 8, 2013)

Marisa said:


> My boyfriend, a lovely ISFJ, is leaving the country for about four months come May and I'm sort of sad. Alright, devastated, can you blame me? I hope he has fun on his trip but I'm not sure how I feel about him leaving. I'm worried about "making it". He's the only person I've had real feelings for, the raw real kind, in a long time. I'm worried about how we'll keep things "alive," really.
> 
> Any advice?


1st thoughts: Discuss the expectations and fill the needs? I have never done long distance but I would think that the general outline of a relationship would still stand. Start simple, don't break your back.


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## farfaraway (Feb 15, 2013)

If he's going to a different time zone, try to swap schedules so that you'll both know when the other is free. I live six time zones away from many of my friends and family and it's good to know who is at work and who is asleep....

Four months isn't so long, and the chance to have uninterrupted you-time is not such a bad thing.


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