# Socionics: when child is supervisor and parent is supervisee



## Cantarella (Sep 3, 2010)

I'm INFJ oldest child (siblings are male ESTJ, female INFJ and male ENTP). Our mom is ESFJ. I've never really known how to relate to her as a parent.  My ESTJ brother gets along well with her (generally) but also fights with her a lot. My sister has a similar relationship with her to mine, and our ENTP youngest gets along with her fabulously. I LOVE my mother, but she's never made me feel particularly safe or valued. I hate asking her for help, too. I have a strong T side so when I go into INTJ mode (uncomfortable for me but happens occasionally) we can usually manage to be friends, but it always feels like I'm having trouble deciding whether to empathize or hold her accountable.

Anybody else experience this?


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## Resolution (Feb 8, 2010)

ningyo said:


> I'm INFJ oldest child (siblings are male ESTJ, female INFJ and male ENTP). Our mom is ESFJ. I've never really known how to relate to her as a parent.  My ESTJ brother gets along well with her (generally) but also fights with her a lot. My sister has a similar relationship with her to mine, and our ENTP youngest gets along with her fabulously. I LOVE my mother, but she's never made me feel particularly safe or valued. I hate asking her for help, too. I have a strong T side so when I go into INTJ mode (uncomfortable for me but happens occasionally) we can usually manage to be friends, but it always feels like I'm having trouble deciding whether to empathize or hold her accountable.
> 
> Anybody else experience this?


Yeah. I have an ESFJ mom...

It's a strange relationship. She freaks out and tries to take control of me all the time... and it... never works.


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## Cantarella (Sep 3, 2010)

Btmangan said:


> Yeah. I have an ESFJ mom...
> 
> It's a strange relationship. She freaks out and tries to take control of me all the time... and it... never works.


Hee... that used to be me and my mom. Distance has definitely helped. XD At our best we co-exist by me helping her out a shitload and her being proud while somewhat wary of me. :/


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## aestrivex (Mar 7, 2011)

ningyo said:


> I'm INFJ oldest child (siblings are male ESTJ, female INFJ and male ENTP). Our mom is ESFJ. I've never really known how to relate to her as a parent.  My ESTJ brother gets along well with her (generally) but also fights with her a lot. My sister has a similar relationship with her to mine, and our ENTP youngest gets along with her fabulously. I LOVE my mother, but she's never made me feel particularly safe or valued. I hate asking her for help, too. I have a strong T side so when I go into INTJ mode (uncomfortable for me but happens occasionally) we can usually manage to be friends, but it always feels like I'm having trouble deciding whether to empathize or hold her accountable.
> 
> Anybody else experience this?


assuming that by your upper-case types you refer to socionics types (which some people do) then the only socionics supervision you described is EII/ILE supervision between you and your sibling. assuming that you mean them to refer to MBTI types and use the j/p switch, then i have nothing to say. assuming you mean something else, i have no idea what it is you do mean in terms of how you perceive the relationship as playing out in socionics terms.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

One of my relatives is my supervisee. I very much admire her for her wisdom and knowledge of life. Sometimes other personal factors overrule what socionics intertype relationships predict.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

Of all the ITR's, supervision and beneficit are the two I have the least amount of certainty over. 

While I have experienced a few fairly strong examples of both, I have also seen a pattern towards these relationships _not _embodying the effects that the model says should be experienced. With supervision (ENFj), things become bad when I'm expected to want to be with the ENFj _all _the time. I can't keep up that kind of energy for extended periods, and really do need a break now and then - sometimes for a long time. 

At the same time, this only occurs after a certain point, at which the ENFj and I have become extremely close. And, coincidentally, they were both enneagram 2w3's. I have known other ENFj of different types who were less-motivated to put that sort of pressure on their friends, and hence we got along just fine - without the pressure described by Model A and the ITR model. 

As far as the supervis_ing_ goes, my best friend from college is an ESTJ 8w9, so we've got very similar overall outlooks on how to handle life. Sometimes I feel like I have to correct him when he's described something too simply, or not looked into deeper fundamentals of a situation before acting, but again, this is hardly "constant pressure." 

Yes, both of these situations are potentially very different from parent-child supervision, given the different distances. But, I still think that the overall dynamic of the functional arrangement can be dampened - or made worse - by different overall functionally-independent motivations between the two people.


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