# Using social media well



## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

I'm a social being, and I've always privileged face-to-face interaction. However, because of the pandemic, I don't get enough human interaction as I would like. This is why I'm thinking more and more about using social media to balance that out, and also why I'm here.

The problem I'm facing is: how can I use social media well? For example, when I check Facebook or Twitter, I can't help but think that some people use it in a way that's detrimental to their professional or social reputation. There's also a lot of discussions there that seem excessively dramatic to me. In other platforms such as Quora, isn't it dangerous to put our names out in the open? What about Instagram? People seem to have a love-hate relationship with it. Also, if it comes to sharing creative endeavors such as DIY or artistry, what platform should we use? Should we use a nickname or our real names? 

So I'm coming here for your advice. 
What social media do you use? How did you choose it? What are the do and don't you give yourself when you use these platforms? 
How does it benefit you, and how is it detrimental to you?

I would really appreciate any help you can provide.


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## bifurcations (Jan 31, 2021)

I think the ultimate neutral account these days would be a real name, only posting dad jokes, and leaning very heavily on direct messaging. But otherwise, social media is very high risk/high reward: you have to show your individuality and be vulnerable in order to risk love, but in doing so, you also risk rejection. And it's not a small risk. It's pretty much a guarantee of some rejection, and even some hate. I think the best one can do at this point is to post according to one's values and to let people come and go as they will. 

I mainly use Facebook, but I also experiment. My Facebook has restricted privacy settings, I only accept friend requests from people I know (I don't necessarily have to like them or know them well--they just can't be potentially dangerous or malicious), and I avoid posting about sex, race, and other protected classes, politics, religion, and drugs. I do not post gossip. I unfollow all but those closest to me so that my feed has more memes and articles. I generally do not interact with strangers unless it's to ask for information. I respond to every friend's comment and every direct message that requires a reply. I post mostly things that I find beautiful, useful, or funny. Sometimes, I'll post about my food or pets, or other relatively neutral topics that I don't think will come back to bite me. I really enjoy the "lists" feature, and the small groups are handy for learning about niche topics.

I think the most detrimental thing about social media is the time spent on it. I'm attracted to low-quality information. It's not very enriching or satisfying. But I do get to connect to friends and family like never before. And it's a good way to get a feel for what someone is about without committing to them too heavily. It's very easy to block and delete someone, which is as hurtful as it is useful.


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## Dreamcatcherplaceboeffect (Dec 24, 2020)

I primarily use Facebook. I keep my friend group small-ish (about 100 “friends”). It just makes the most sense for me, personally, when keeping up with extended family and friends. I mostly use it just to post the occasional photo of my children since my aunts like to see how much they are growing.

To be honest, I am generally self conscious posting very much (or very frequently). I guess I am paranoid that I will come off as arrogant or that other moms might feel I am _competing_. So, really, I’m a terrible person to ask about social media habits.

It benefits me in that I get to show my support for others. It kind of helps “keep in touch” so when I see these people once or twice a year at family gatherings it doesn’t feel quite so awkward. I don’t find it particularly detrimental to my own self-esteem, but sometimes it can make me dislike someone, if they are constantly posting things that go against my personal values, such as racial/sexist remarks or if they are anti science.

I’d definitely recommend paying close attention to how it affects your mood, and whether or not you are spending too much time on it. I’d also advise against—like you said—putting pictures on it that could hurt your professional life.

I’m also personally turned off to:
-Vague emo comments made toward _someone_ else on social media that are apparently “too private” to share details on when everyone asks what’s wrong
-The everyday “humble bragger” who excessively uses social media for self validation
-Those who are always asking for free help (babysitting, buying off their amazon wish list, etc.).

I’m sure not _everyone_ is bothered by these things, but I would advise against doing any of them too regularly. (Not that you strike me as the type that would do that. The fact that you’ve created this post means you’re probably going to be more discerning than the average social media poster.)


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## goodvibe (Aug 23, 2013)

I like Twitter only — but from a safe distance


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Don't join mainstream social media unless you want your information/behavior data mined and used to financially enrich someone else. The huge mass of anon posters is not conducive to productive social interaction, but that kind of website could work if you already know people on it and grow your social network through their social networks.

In your situation, I'd look for a group on meetup.com that is meeting via videoconferencing.

If you don't want to do voice/video, I suggest a small, well-moderated place focused on something that is important to you (unless trying to connect with people with wildly different backgrounds, beliefs, politics, etc. appeals to you). Something like PerC. Forums are better for actual discussion. If you like the Twitter format, you can try a Mastodon instance, but I've found those impersonal and poor for actual conversations.

Personally I prefer online spaces with people who are committed to women's political issues and who actually have a mature understanding of racism. There's less trolling, stupidity, and random bigoted comments.


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

Thank you, everyone, for your replies. It really gave me more clues about what I want and what I need to do.

Reading you, I decided to:

Reinforce and extend my habits with my family and friends, as these already work well. Phone calls, group video calls, private group conversations.
Use my LinkedIn account more. This way, I can share my professional works with the people most concerned, and still continue networking.
Check meetup and forums related to my hobbies. This will compensate for the disappearance of the sports clubs and workshops.
Organize videoconferencing to study/work with people outside meetings. This will compensate for the disappearance of my workplace.
Organize distant group projects when I have more free time. To compensate for the disappearance of some activities.

That being said, I highly welcome new advice. 🙏

edit: I'll read Jaron Lanier's book and reply after that!


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Instagram is one weird place. 

Don't get trapped in algorithmic hell, especially relative to the explore function and how it sends people steadily down more extreme views. There was a study done on this so it wasn't just my observations. One thing is clear, when people are sent down these algorithmic silos, they can't get out since even if you wipe your history on the desktop app, the algo still retains your data and considers it when bringing up content for the explore function. I've also noticed shared data from other sites frequented.

Also, avoid the cults/fandoms. They're weird.

Unless you're someone who wants to market your art, products, etc., I'd stay away from that toxic site. Dr. Evil/Zuckerberg sucks.


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## blossomier (Jul 24, 2020)

Summer70 said:


> What social media do you use?


I have accounts on a lot of social networks but I don't browse them a lot; I like to focus on other things. Lately I've been watching TV series.

The one I prefer using is Reddit. News: Flipboard.



> How did you choose it?


The cool thing about Reddit is that you can filter is by subs: you join the subs about subjects you're interested. There's almost a sub for everything, and honestly I think you can find subs about very specific things: do you want to see pictures of animals stretching? r/OooBigStretch is your thing! I barely follow irl friends. My timeline has content that I choose properly and I feel nice seeing posts about it. I use it for tv series, hobbies, games, food/culinary, health etc.
For news I like to use Flipboard. You can filter a lot as well, and you'll have information from news sites or newspapers. If you get information from social media, I highly recommend downloading Flipboard!

I don't have family posting about left and right on politics or toxic people like on Twitter (when I was younger I used Facebook a lot and I deleted it on 2015. It made my anxiety a lot better. I made a new account on 2019 only for university stuff. That 4 years hiatus was really good to my mental health.)
I used Twitter for almost 7 years and I was exposing my thoughts and feelings on a terrible way. I also realized I was becoming a worse human being... that "cancel culture" mentality is awful. I can filter it much better nowadays. You just have to take care for not exposing yourself much and not letting social networks become addicting.



> What are the do and don't you give yourself when you use these platforms?



I try not to expose myself (people on Twitter expose themselves a lot, some friends of mine tweet stuff like: friends im anemic again :c, or they post selfies to get attention. Posting pictures is ok, but you shouldn't be addicted to posting and waiting for the likes and replies all the time, otherwise it might become hurtful if you don't get these).
I follow things I either like or are important (like I said before, hobby-wise or news like The New York Times, Foreign Policy, The Guardian, BBC etc).
I don't engage with the belittling behaviour: extreme views on every side - left, right, "diet culture", "cancel culture" etc.
Unfortunately I try not to talk my opinion if someone posts something I don't agree. Especially on Twitter and Facebook. Even when I try to explain without hurting anyone, debates get heavy when we're on the internet. I find these two social medias the worst when it comes to discussions. I often say what I agree and disagree with, but on social platforms people take it too personally and usually the subject's not about the person.

Stuff I do: post cat pictures, memes and things I know people commonly won't find "hurtful". We reached a point that silly posts might offend someone when it has nothing to do with someone's thoughts, so I try to remain lowkey.

I barely use Facebook, but I joined some groups about stuff I like. Sometimes I see their posts and it's nice. I'm selling some clothes nowadays, so the Market option is a good way to put online as well.



> How does it benefit you, and how is it detrimental to you?


It's nice to maintain contact with people I'm far away (family, friends etc) or people that have stuff in common with me, but social media makes me really anxious. Once I saw a tweet from a friend of mine and I got anxious without any reason to; and sometimes waiting for notifications is bad. I deleted Telegram on June and it was a great decision, I became less anxious (when I was talking to my friends somehow my anxiety flared up as hell!).



> In other platforms such as Quora, isn't it dangerous to put our names out in the open?


I do believe putting it out there like in Quora is dangerous. If it's LinkedIn or Facebook, I don't think so. You just need to be careful about who you're talking to. If I don't know the person, I won't connect or add them. If I know or they have plenty of close connections (friends of friends), I feel safer to add them.



> What about Instagram?


I was addicted (like 1h or more per day addicted). I follow people I know or like and things about psychology, health eating, roller skating and cats lol. I barely watch people's stories because in my opinion (not to be rude), they're uninteresting. And people don't look much further on news they see on their home board or from other people's stories, so they spread false information a lot.



> Also, if it comes to sharing creative endeavors such as DIY or artistry, what platform should we use?


I think Pinterest seems like a good option. Maybe Tumblr, but Tumblr has a lot of weird things going on so I advise to be careful while using. Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are also a good way to share them because a lot of people use.



> Should we use a nickname or our real names?


I think it depends on the social network.

If you have time, I highly recommend the book "Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now" by Jaron Lanier. He was one of the geniuses that worked on VR and internet overall in the 80s (Silicon Valley type of guy), so you get an interesting POV on how social networks can be degrading to us from an specialist on the subject. It's a short and good read.

Tagging @impulsenine bc we were talking about this very subject lately and I think he might have something interesting to add to this discussion 



TL;DR: use them but take care of your views and mental health. And don't expose yourself too much!


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

Thank you, @mia-me and @blossomier, for your answers.

While data gathering policies did a huge uproar, I didn't give it more extra thoughts. It's great to be warned against it and to have tips to avoid them. Jaron Lanier's "Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now" was indeed the read I needed to understand why this was such a huge problem. Even if it could add a good push to my career, I'll probably stay away from Instagram for the moment. My thoughts need to mature a little more.


@blossomier It's great that you realized the spiral you were in and decided to take the measure to have a more healthy relationship with social media. I also got caught in this and quit as soon as I noticed I turned into a horrible human being. But I can notice myself being caught again by social media's influence even when I'm outside it. After all, even if I deleted most of my accounts, my surroundings are on it, so it indirectly impacts me. I believe it's the source of so many (useless) political issues. It's like it makes people kill each other over unreliable news. Gosh.

Anyway, this book was really enlightening. I have a clearer understanding of what I observed and experienced these last years and point out worries I currently have. I still feel incredibly powerless though, this feels so much, much bigger than my tiny self.

I'll definitely check Reddit and Flipboard. Reddit seems handy; it feels like I won't have to create too many accounts to check my interest centers. I was also interested in getting an application or website that could help me fetch good information about current politics, so Flipboard could fit the bill.



blossomier said:


> I was addicted (like 1h or more per day addicted). I follow people I know or like and things about psychology, health eating, roller skating and cats lol.


When you say addicted, you mean that you regretted the time you spent on Instagram? Did you enjoy it, or would you have preferred to spend this time on other activities?



blossomier said:


> (Should we use a nickname or our real names?)
> I think it depends on the social network.


 If you had to create an account that shows your work both to a public and professional sphere to increase your career opportunities, would you use a real name, a nickname, or maybe, a pen name? I struggle to decide, people get crazy for the tiniest thing, and I don't want to be targeted. At the same time, it feels weird to use a nickname for professional works.

It's surprising that a friend's tweet flared your anxiety up! I say that, but I once had a panic attack (which is uncommon in me) during a simple lunch break because some keywords made me think of a social media conflict that turned insanely bad. So huh, I understand somehow. I'm happy you found a way to reduce your anxieties.

I'll check Pinterest. I also hesitated with Tumblr (or Dribble, or Behance). What's wrong with Tumblr?


Anyway, thank you again for all your warnings! Sometimes I wonder if I'm not paranoid when it comes to social media, but now I wonder if I'm not paranoid enough.
I'll have a lot to think about...


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Myself, I prefer smaller non-affiliated sites which are discussion forums, rather than sites where someone posts something and engagement is minimal beyond expected worship. Most recent find was a legal site. It's insanely funny and a great resource, for all sorts of reasons. The lawyers and legal experts are most helpful.


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## blossomier (Jul 24, 2020)

Summer70 said:


> While data gathering policies did a huge uproar, I didn't give it more extra thoughts. It's great to be warned against it and to have tips to avoid them. Jaron Lanier's "Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now" was indeed the read I needed to understand why this was such a huge problem. Even if it could add a good push to my career, I'll probably stay away from Instagram for the moment. My thoughts need to mature a little more.


I'm glad it was a good read for you! When I read it I learned a lot; I had no idea about that "bummer machine" he talks about on the book, so I felt like it was really interesting to learn that concept (and a lot of others from his work).
If you need some time from social media, do what's best for you. Or you can also post stuff and log in after a day or a couple of days - we log a lot on a single day and we don't even notice. I hope you'll understand what's best for you when it comes to social networks.



> I also got caught in this and quit as soon as I noticed I turned into a horrible human being. But I can notice myself being caught again by social media's influence even when I'm outside it. After all, even if I deleted most of my accounts, my surroundings are on it, so it indirectly impacts me. I believe it's the source of so many (useless) political issues. It's like it makes people kill each other over unreliable news. Gosh.


That's true, these days the world is impacted a lot by social media; I mean, look at some countries' elections, for example.
But, yes, I totally feel you. Even when we try to stay away from their influence, it somehow gets in our way.



> Anyway, this book was really enlightening. I have a clearer understanding of what I observed and experienced these last years and point out worries I currently have. I still feel incredibly powerless though, this feels so much, much bigger than my tiny self.


I'm glad it was enlightening, but I'm sorry that you feel powerless. We often think it's only our fault but it's a lot more than that; society as a whole impacts on how we perceive things. That applies to social media.



> I'll definitely check Reddit and Flipboard. Reddit seems handy; it feels like I won't have to create too many accounts to check my interest centers. I was also interested in getting an application or website that could help me fetch good information about current politics, so Flipboard could fit the bill.


That's great! I hope you'll like it. If you use them, please tell me your thoughts.



> When you say addicted, you mean that you regretted the time you spent on Instagram? Did you enjoy it, or would you have preferred to spend this time on other activities?


I enjoyed it, but at the same time I feel like I could spend that time on other things. Reading, learning something useful etc. I don't think it came in handy, it was for fun but I feel like I spent a lot of time doing useless things (scrolling my timeline). Also by addicted I mean that I logged in a lot - more than I should normally do.



> If you had to create an account that shows your work both to a public and professional sphere to increase your career opportunities, would you use a real name, a nickname, or maybe, a pen name? I struggle to decide, people get crazy for the tiniest thing, and I don't want to be targeted. At the same time, it feels weird to use a nickname for professional works.


If it's LinkedIn, definitely my real name, as I said before.
If we're talking about Instagram, for example, I'd use a pen name. Or if you have a double name, then use it (without surnames). Or a first name and the last name (I wouldn't use my full name, only the last name. I'd leave my middle name out).
May I ask what's your field? Art, culinary etc? I know some people that work with art and display these publicly, so if you'd like to, I can talk to them. Maybe getting a point of view from someone that uses social media to expose their work might help you.



> It's surprising that a friend's tweet flared your anxiety up! I say that, but I once had a panic attack (which is uncommon in me) during a simple lunch break because some keywords made me think of a social media conflict that turned insanely bad. So huh, I understand somehow. I'm happy you found a way to reduce your anxieties.


Thank you, and I'm sorry you've had a panic attack because of that.



> I'll check Pinterest. I also hesitated with Tumblr (or Dribble, or Behance). What's wrong with Tumblr?


Tumblr is a great way of sharing art (a lot use people use for it), but there's a lot of "toxicity"... People romantize mental health issues a lot there, so I don't really like it. I feel like some people there only goes to the extreme of things, unfortunately. But again I don't blame the network itself, of course, you just have to filter what's best to follow.
I used to created gifs/edits for fandoms but nowadays I don't have an account anymore. That part of using Photoshop and playing around with editing was fun, though. I won't lie, if you use it well, you may have a good exposure on your content there.

I'm not familiar with Dribble and Behance, but have you heard of DeviantArt? It might be good to expose your work there. It's really popular with art professionals (and amateurs or people that only draw/paint for fun!).



> Anyway, thank you again for all your warnings! Sometimes I wonder if I'm not paranoid when it comes to social media, but now I wonder if I'm not paranoid enough.
> I'll have a lot to think about...


No worries! Don't be afraid to use them, but it's better to be safe than sorry


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

Thank you, @blossomier. I appreciate both your inputs and your sympathy; you're so kind. 

Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH for advising me Flipboard! I signed in not too long after checking it, and I got hooked pretty quickly. It really has all the features I needed, perfect for getting the news, get new inspiration, and classify everything in an orderly manner. Definitely fit my habits and what I was looking for, I'm really delighted with the application. 

I checked Reddit, too, and it really looks interesting. So many categories and interesting threads. I'll have my hand full with Flipboard for the moment, but if I run out of content, I'll definitely check Reddit in more detail.



blossomier said:


> May I ask what's your field? Art, culinary etc? I know some people that work with art and display these publicly, so if you'd like to, I can talk to them. Maybe getting a point of view from someone that uses social media to expose their work might help you.


I'm in visual arts!

I used to be on DeviantArt when I was an amateur or when it was just a hobby. The community was great, and it was really motivating to be there. Are there really art professionals using Deviantart? I don't know any in my surrounding. Here, graphic designers specifically use dribble and Behance as online searchable portfolios, and some recruiters go directly there when they look for professionals. 

I think I have a rough idea of how I'll use social media for my career now. But I'd love to have some extra points of view from people who expose their art through social media!


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## blossomier (Jul 24, 2020)

Summer70 said:


> Thank you, @blossomier. I appreciate both your inputs and your sympathy; you're so kind.


You're welcome! I'm glad I could help 

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> Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH for advising me Flipboard! I signed in not too long after checking it, and I got hooked pretty quickly. It really has all the features I needed, perfect for getting the news, get new inspiration, and classify everything in an orderly manner. Definitely fit my habits and what I was looking for, I'm really delighted with the application.


That's awesome!! I usually check the news there as well. I love finding new recipes (I'm not a great cook but I'm still learning on how to cook), so it also comes in handy. There are tons of cool stuff to check out, and it's really nice how you can share news there with people you follow. I think of Flipboard as a social media somehow because of that.



> I used to be on DeviantArt when I was an amateur or when it was just a hobby. The community was great, and it was really motivating to be there. Are there really art professionals using Deviantart? I don't know any in my surrounding. Here, graphic designers specifically use dribble and Behance as online searchable portfolios, and some recruiters go directly there when they look for professionals.


Oh, I'm not in the art field so I can't say this being so sure about it, but I've seen some professionals using it.



Summer70 said:


> I think I have a rough idea of how I'll use social media for my career now. But I'd love to have some extra points of view from people who expose their art through social media!


I'll ask them ASAP and I'll share with you as soon as I can.


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

blossomier said:


> You're welcome! I'm glad I could help
> 
> * *
> 
> ...



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blossomier said:


> That's awesome!! I usually check the news there as well. I love finding new recipes (I'm not a great cook, but I'm still learning how to cook), so it also comes in handy. There are tons of cool stuff to check out, and it's really nice how you can share news there with people you follow. I think of Flipboard as a social media somehow because of that.


 Aha, The recipes got me too! I'm not a great cook either, but good-looking foods always have a motivating effect on me. I wondered why you put it in social media at first, but once I used it, I quickly wanted to hook my friends in to share some articles or build magazines together there, so I understood afterward! 

It's amazing to have all news mixed up (but not in a disorganized way) in one unique platform. Everything is interconnected in some ways. Art, cooking, or fashion don't evolve at random for example; they're always linked with society as a whole. So having a specialized platform didn't make too much sense for me. Seeing all the news together makes it easier to connect all the dots and patterns. It really is interesting. 



blossomier said:


> I'll ask them ASAP and I'll share with you as soon as I can.


Thank you!


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## blueberry22 (May 11, 2018)

If youre social media free stay that way


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