# jealousy, envy, and boasting as agression



## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

while back i was watching some show on envy on the history channel that was very frustrating, but brought up some concepts i'm not that familiar with. 
they mentioned some study (wish i had more details on it!!) where they asked people if they would rather work at a job making 50k a year when everyone else they worked with made 25k, or make 100k a year while everyone else made 200k. assuming the economy and value of the money is the same as now, and the jobs of all involved are identical. a significant portion (more than half) would prefer to make less money if it meant they were paid more than their peers. I personally thought that was bullshit, and immediately questioned the survey's validity - but others i told were not surprised by it.

some guy on there also mentioned that envy today is often about position and power, flaunting it or boasting is a display of that power, and since it incites envy it is at its heart an aggressive act. 

a lot of this is puzzling to me, and i realized that i used to confuse jealousy with possessiveness. 

so, what i want to know: 

what is the difference between jealousy and envy?
what does jealousy and envy FEEL like?
assuming that survey is NOT flawed, what is behind the results?
what do you think of the idea that boasting is an act of aggression?
how often do you get jealous/envious, and what sparks it?
how long does it last - is it a state of being/position towards something, a momentary flare of emotion, or both?

not looking for any official definitions here, just your personal experiences and opinions. thanks !


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## Ninja Nem (Oct 19, 2008)

1. Jealously and envy are roughly the same thing. However, jealousy is more aggressive and encompasses a wider range then envy. 

2. Jealously feels a lot like hatred. The burn of jealously can last a long time. Envy usually seems to fizzle out after a brief period.

3. It seems like a status thing to me to incite jealousy and envy in others by having a fatter paycheck then your coworkers.

4. I don't get jealous often but it's usually sparked by someone achieving something before me that I was gunning for. Especially if this person is undeserving of what they accomplish while I try harder and get little to nothing in return. Envy usually comes when someone has something I really want but don't have.

5. It really depends upon the situation.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Your questions are interesting. Have you never felt jealousy/envy? 

- I'd say the difference is jealousy is more of an active feeling while envy is more passive. Jealousy I guess would be the escalated form of envy.

- I don't really feel either much but sometimes you just want what other people have.

- It means people absolutely hate feeling inferior

- I completely understand it. Many people boast as an attempt to establish their dominance. They do not want to feel inferior.

- Rarely. But sometimes I just see people waste their strengths and it annoys me.


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## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

No, I don't have much experience with those types of feelings. 

There have been a couple of times when dating someone I would get what I thought was jealousy because of interactions with a particular person - I knew it didn't make much sense, and was actually a bit excited that I had experienced it. But taking a step back, I realize it was just a momentary sense of possessiveness mostly sparked by problems within the relationship rather than the person I was jealous of. 

Apparently, that's not what jealousy is (or envy). I could never understand how those people in the study would want less money, or how someone else having something you want (deserved or undeserved) would incite a negative emotion towards them. I mean, sure, sometimes I see something I want, and sometimes someone else has it. But I always remember that if I want something bad enough, I could probably get it. And I have never wanted something simply because someone else had it. 

Perhaps it's because I never factored in money or possessions when consider someone's social or personal value, and since it seems so closely linked to comparing and ranking, that would be the cause of jealousy. But if relative social ranking WAS the determining factor, it would make sense that I would just be jealous/envious of things that I _did _give value to. If not money or possessions, than something else. OR that those feelings would rise as insecurity or low self esteem rose - but I haven't seen a correlation with that, either.


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

Lepthe said:


> what is the difference between jealousy and envy?



Envy is a general, passive feeling (i.e. 'I envy the people who can afford to dine at expensive restaurants); jealousy is a direct, aggressive feeling (i.e. 'I'm jealous of Miss DaVeau, because she can afford to eat at [expensive restaurant].')




Lepthe said:


> what does jealousy and envy FEEL like?



A revolting feeling, normally accompanied by a burning in the gut and stomach area. Combined with feelings of possessiveness, jealousy can feel like being threatened.




Lepthe said:


> assuming that survey is NOT flawed, what is behind the results?



See below.




Lepthe said:


> what do you think of the idea that boasting is an act of aggression?



I don't believe it has to do with boasting; rather I would predict that, in the situation given in the survey, the people would choose to be superior as an act of defense. Compared with the decision to make more, but to be below in monetary value to everyone else, people might choose the former decision so as to not be heckled and put down.




Lepthe said:


> how often do you get jealous/envious, and what sparks it?



I don't feel jealous or envious so much as possessive. I don't desire what others have, mostly, because I always think of the negatives that would entail having their lives or situations, and I like my own. When I do get jealous, it's usually because I see someone superior in a specific skill to myself.




Lepthe said:


> how long does it last - is it a state of being/position towards something, a momentary flare of emotion, or both?



Momentary flare, though it influences how I think of that person or party.


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## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

those are helpful answers. sounds like you would also tend to agree that those feelings are closely related to insecurities?
almost like self worth issues projected outwards?


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

Absolutely. I would also attribute it to instinct -- that is, wanting superiority over others rather than others having superiority over them, which could subconsciously make them feel tense for an attack.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

HUBRIS is the greatest sin in the Perseus world. 

I think this includes jealousy. envy and possesiveness. 

With the leary boasting component as well.


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

Jealousy is something I rarely feel, because it's stupid. You shouldn't be jealous over something else that someone has, you should take yourself for better through worse. And in sickness, and in health. Letting jealousy run your life, will be the death of you. You are you, you are created to be equally beautiful, or as great as the person. You have the power to excel, or diminish. 

Envy is a passing thought for me, because I never had a good life style growing up.. and my parents aren't in my life by my choice because of their choices which are irresponsible and negative. So I would envy other people whose parents buy them things they want or need, I envy people who get everything handed to them. While I have to work my ass off to get anything. But envy like I said, is a passing thought.. it just kind of eases away. Because than I realize it is a waste of my time to feel that way..

And boasting I can see as a sign of aggression.. I have also heard sarcasm is. My old therapist said I used sarcasm to indirectly lash out at people in an aggressive way. I personally think she is full of shit. 

I dunno if this was helpful or not, maybe its food for thought?


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Lepthe said:


> while back i was watching some show on envy on the history channel that was very frustrating, but brought up some concepts i'm not that familiar with.
> they mentioned some study (wish i had more details on it!!) where they asked people if they would rather work at a job making 50k a year when everyone else they worked with made 25k, or make 100k a year while everyone else made 200k. assuming the economy and value of the money is the same as now, and the jobs of all involved are identical. a significant portion (more than half) would prefer to make less money if it meant they were paid more than their peers. I personally thought that was bullshit, and immediately questioned the survey's validity - but others i told were not surprised by it.
> 
> some guy on there also mentioned that envy today is often about position and power, flaunting it or boasting is a display of that power, and since it incites envy it is at its heart an aggressive act.
> ...


I heard that the difference between jealousy and envy is that you would kill the person you are envious of and jealousy means you merely want what the person has. This could be totally wrong, but that is what I have heard. 

You don't know what jealousy feels like? It feels like you are inadequate...like someone has something that makes you less of a person....to feel like someone either is...or has something better than you. It is a pain in your stomach ...a dissonance...a tension. 

Sometimes I may get jealous due to my girlfriend and the way she acts with other men. I may feel inadequate as her partner and somehow trick myself into thinking someone else MAY be better. It is an insecurity issue that is not always completely one persons fault. You can be trained to feel like you are inadequate. If you have no other reason to believe you are not ...then ..well...you believe you are. I do not get it terribly often but it certainly hurts when it comes. The more you learn the more you realize how equal everyone is I think. So in a way ..jealousy is somewhat tied to ignorance. (not always but often)

What is behind the results? Well people feel things relatively. I only value my looks because of how good I look compared to other people. I only value my education because it is somewhat better than another education. I know what black is because I can compare it to other colors. I know what joy is because I have felt pain. Therefore...I feel that I am rich because other people are LESS rich than I am. What if everyone has 100000000 dollars...that was the norm. Would everyone be rich? You might say so. But why? Because you know that not everyone has that much money in the real world....you have something to contrast it with. 

Yes it is a momentary emotion...feeling superior...unless you are continually reminded of it. For example....I get a lot of money...woo I feel great...now what? Well I buy a car...a house....I host parties...all of these things are reminders of how much you have accomplished and it constantly reminds other people that they are not entitled to the same thing as you. This may lead to a longer lasting emotion. 

Everything in life is fleeting though. You could compare an emotional response to learning something new. There is always more. There are always more things to experience and feel...always more things to learn and analyze. It never ends. So yes I am sure this is emotion will eventually die out.


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## Bansheerider (Nov 12, 2009)

I view Jealousy as stemming from an insecurity about yourself and not having confidence in your own abilities. But when we ENVY it makes me look at myself and discover how I can tweek my abilities to accomplish what I envy. I may be wrong but that is how I View the difference.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

thehigher said:


> I heard that the difference between jealousy and envy is that you would kill the person you are envious of and jealousy means you merely want what the person has. This could be totally wrong, but that is what I have heard.
> 
> You don't know what jealousy feels like? It feels like you are inadequate...like someone has something that makes you less of a person....to feel like someone either is...or has something better than you. It is a pain in your stomach ...a dissonance...a tension.
> 
> ...




What type is your girlfriend? It sounds as if you may know her well and what she might be capable of. What she needs and maybe you are not matched. e.g. I could never service the needs of a Cat ISFP and I would be daunted by a Butterfly ESFP.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Perseus said:


> What type is your girlfriend? It sounds as if you may know her well and what she might be capable of. What she needs and maybe you are not matched. e.g. I could never service the needs of a Cat ISFP and I would be daunted by a Butterfly ESFP.


I don't think I understand


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