# I Can't Do This Anymore, It's Getting Ridiculous!



## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

I've had this friend that I literally known all of his life. He is 14, so he is a little younger than me and is still in school, so there are obviously some understandable age differences. He's supposed to have dyslexia, but I never found out through him and have never brought it up because it's never been relevant. Despite what the media says, dyslexia isn't just about reading and maths; my friend cannot remember anything, he literally forgets two minutes after telling him something.

On mother's day, we went out for a meal. We took a break and left my mum there at the table. I told him I was going to surprise her with a good present because I never had money to buy anything before that day. I looked around the shops by the restaurant and despite how posh they were, there was nothing I thought was good enough for a present. As soon as we got back tot he table, my mum confronted me on not giving her a present and he acted all shocked and started asking me why I never bothered to get my mum a present.

That's just an example story so you can get a grasp on his memory. 

He also can't do time and today was the first day he apologized to me for popping up late at night. I've always been ready to go to bed only for him to pop up and I'm like "What! It's half 10, I've got to get up at half 5, what's he doing?" I wouldn't mind as much on a weekend, but in the week, it's just like "what?".

On top of that, when I'm listening to a convo between our parents, he'll just start talking and I try to tell him I'm listening to them, but he'll carry on, same when I'm trying to watch the telly. It gets really irritating and when I tell him, he takes it to heart and won't talk to me the same for a while.

I don't want to be a prick about it, but I want to tell him when he's gone too far without hurting his feelings. There's hurt feelings and then there's me just being too harsh. I can tolerate well enough, but now he's getting older, it's getting more irritating. 

Due to him being pretty much my only on demand friend, talking to him is pretty hard because he always forgets (to charge) his phone.

I feel bad sometimes when I think about how I act. I never mean to sound like the old grouchy mean person, but recently, it's actually straining our relationship. He said last time I saw him that he feels like I baby him, but it's not like I mean to, but sometimes you have to tell someone when they're doing something wrong. We all shared pizza last time and he kept putting his toppings back in the box. I told him it's not right, because other people are eating the pizza too. He literally put most of his toppings in the box and his mum was telling him off for it.

I'm not sure whether it's the age gap, me or his lack of focus that's causing this. Can any of you guys help me out?


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

He doesn't seem to give two shits about you. If his memory were really that bad, he'd feel bad about forgetting, and other people would notice too. You tell him that you are doing something different, but he doesn't care.

Dyslectia doesn't cause this kind of behaviour. It sounds more like neglected aspergers or plain old dickishness to me. Could even be both.


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

stultum said:


> He doesn't seem to give two shits about you. If his memory were really that bad, he'd feel bad about forgetting, and other people would notice too. You tell him that you are doing something different, but he doesn't care.
> 
> Dyslectia doesn't cause this kind of behaviour. It sounds more like neglected aspergers or plain old dickishness to me. Could even be both.


Trust me, he cares. He does seem a little childish though, and that's probably why he's not good at reading between the lines. Whether he has Asperger's... I don't know. Apparently dyslexia's supposed to be on the autistic spectrum now in Britain, but I don't exactly have any inside info XD

He seems either embarrassed about forgetting stuff, or most of the times, brushes it under the carpet. He doesn't like to be told when he's screwed up though and takes it the wrong way. He's like this to his mum as well too, so I don't know. He's definitely not being a dick, a little childish maybe.


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

sharlzkidarlz said:


> Trust me, he cares. He does seem a little childish though, and that's probably why he's not good at reading between the lines. Whether he has Asperger's... I don't know. Apparently dyslexia's supposed to be on the autistic spectrum now in Britain, but I don't exactly have any inside info XD
> 
> He seems either embarrassed about forgetting stuff, or most of the times, brushes it under the carpet. He doesn't like to be told when he's screwed up though and takes it the wrong way. He's like this to his mum as well too, so I don't know. He's definitely not being a dick, a little childish maybe.


Well, he's fourteen years old, I'll give him that.

Dyslexia being on the autistic spectrum is really weird, even for Britain (sorry, couldn't resist), since aspergers is a developmental disorder that is most noticeable in social and emotional situations, and dyslexia is a developmental reading disorder. They aren't supposed to be on the same spectrum at all. They occur in the same person sometimes, and dyslexia can make someone less social because of embarrassment, but they aren't usually related.

He'll have to find out for himself that admitting to ones own faults is a great strength of itself. Only when he is ready to see the problem will he be able to find ways to cope with it.

And if you are british, shoo. What are you doing on a computer at this time of night, young lady?


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

stultum said:


> Well, he's fourteen years old, I'll give him that.
> 
> Dyslexia being on the autistic spectrum is really weird, even for Britain (sorry, couldn't resist), since aspergers is a developmental disorder that is most noticeable in social and emotional situations, and dyslexia is a developmental reading disorder. They aren't supposed to be on the same spectrum at all. They occur in the same person sometimes, and dyslexia can make someone less social because of embarrassment, but they aren't usually related.
> 
> ...


Being a college student means free time and an excuse to spend your nighttime catching up on Geordie Shore and PLL  And it's not even midnight yet, it's still socially acceptable 

I thought that too. Dyslexia and Autism are only alike because of development. That's it. Not even the same type of development.

It's too hard to be around him for long-periods of time because of this though. It used to be okay before his older sister decided I wasn't worthy of her time (she seems to be coming back now), but being around just him can sometimes make me a little grouchy after a long while. I don't mean to and always know when it's happening because I just want to be on my own, which is rare for me. I hate being around people when I'm tired because I know I'm a grump XD


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

''Dyslexia'' is a poorly defined disorder. l don't use the quotation marks to imply that it doesn't exist, rather that the label has been defined so differently throughout decades and even depending on what country you live in.

Before ADHD was recognized, it was assumed that dyslexia included a lot of the traits of it, and now it's somewhat recognized that ADHD can share some traits of ASD disorders. As far as l know l don't have dyslexia and have ADHD but if l hadn't bene told that l might think I did. 

l wouldn't dismiss similarities between all 3 too quickly.

It does sound like his issues may be interfering with his social skills a lot, but it doesn't sound as if he really doesn't understand that; more so that he does and is embarrassed about the ways in which he messes things up.


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

Lady O.W. Bro said:


> ''Dyslexia'' is a poorly defined disorder. l don't use the quotation marks to imply that it doesn't exist, rather that the label has been defined so differently throughout decades and even depending on what country you live in.
> 
> Before ADHD was recognized, it was assumed that dyslexia included a lot of the traits of it, and now it's somewhat recognized that ADHD can share some traits of ASD disorders. As far as l know l don't have dyslexia and have ADHD but if l hadn't bene told that l might think I did.
> 
> ...


That's how I take it. I don't want to nag him or anything. We're supposed to be friends not siblings, I've already got one sister with little focus to deal with, when they're both in the same room, they get on like a house on fire  

I just don't know what to say to him when he's screwing up. I'm usually pretty straightforward, but I'm not usually annoyed unless I repeat myself or he's walking in my space (he does that a lot).


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

sharlzkidarlz said:


> That's how I take it. I don't want to nag him or anything. We're supposed to be friends not siblings, I've already got one sister with little focus to deal with, when they're both in the same room, they get on like a house on fire
> 
> I just don't know what to say to him when he's screwing up. I'm usually pretty straightforward, but I'm not usually annoyed unless I repeat myself or he's walking in my space (he does that a lot).


t sounds like he really does need someone to make some pretty concrete things clear to him that may seem like common sense to others re:coming to your home that late at night, etc.

But like he may understand it once that has been done, and not struggle consistently the way a person with Asperger's might. l would try to speak with his parents or yours if possible, or maybe all together so as to avoid making him feel outcast.


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

Lady O.W. Bro said:


> t sounds like he really does need someone to make some pretty concrete things clear to him that may seem like common sense to others re:coming to your home that late at night, etc.
> 
> But like he may understand it once that has been done, and not struggle consistently the way a person with Asperger's might. l would try to speak with his parents or yours if possible, or maybe all together so as to avoid making him feel outcast.


I'll try doing that. And he's never came to my house late (his mum would never let him do that XD) just phoned or texted me. It's worse if he phones the landline though since it's in my mum's room XD

I've already spoken to my mum and she seems to blame his mum a little more. I've reminded her that he's not a little kid anymore. I was supposed to get my ears done with him as well, but the plan's been rather sketchy. He's legally got to go with his mum, but I don't. He decided to choose a new place where I'd actually have to drag my mum out to have my ears done too, which I said was not a good idead. Now he's going an hour from now when I've got other plans *shrug* He's more of a Perceiver than even me XD


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

[SUP]4 [/SUP]Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud [SUP]5 [/SUP]or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. [SUP]6 [/SUP]It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. [SUP]7 [/SUP]Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

Razare said:


> [SUP]4 [/SUP]Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud [SUP]5 [/SUP]or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. [SUP]6 [/SUP]It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. [SUP]7 [/SUP]Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.


15“If your brother or sisterb sins,c go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’d 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Two can play that game. The bible isn't completely clear on this subject.


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

Those bloody tax collectors, taking all our hard earned cash XD

For all we know, 'fault' could mean 'sinful act' rather than 'harmful quirk'. Looks like I'll have to nab some peeps and go gang up on him. Then I'll start demanding my money back. I know he doesn't owe me any money, but he's now a tax collector to me.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

stultum said:


> 15“If your brother or sisterb sins,c go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’d 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
> 
> Two can play that game. The bible isn't completely clear on this subject.


Odd behavioral patterns aren't sin, especially if it's an issue of being raised improperly.

Concerning sin, you look at the 10 commandments, and then the law of love given by Jesus.

Then also you go to John where it says something like... "If a man fails to do what he knows is right, it is sin." This kid seems oblivious to what he's doing... so yeah.

I'm not against someone telling him proper behavior, there's nothing wrong with that. It's _how _you go about doing it which matters, though.

There's a huge difference between getting frustrated with him, and telling him off... and correcting him out of love which is patient.


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

Razare said:


> Odd behavioral patterns aren't sin, especially if it's an issue of being raised improperly.
> 
> Concerning sin, you look at the 10 commandments, and then the law of love given by Jesus.
> 
> ...


Hmmmm. I'm not sure :/ I used to be a Christian, so I get some of the rules. I seem to be following this one anyway as I have yet to strop and abandon him (which I won't ever do). I'm not the type to drop people. I only drop people if:

A. They're really being an arse.
B. We're long distance and I kind of forget to go on Skype for a month+ and then feel awkward trying to message them again.

I might decide to carry on what I'm doing and see where this goes, but I don't want to strain myself too.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

sharlzkidarlz said:


> Hmmmm. I'm not sure :/ I used to be a Christian, so I get some of the rules. I seem to be following this one anyway as I have yet to strop and abandon him (which I won't ever do). I'm not the type to drop people.


Being a Christian isn't about following the rules, though, just so you're aware... in case you ever decide you want to become one again.

I just say that because there are some people out there who think they are going to heaven because they are rule following.

People can't fulfill the requirements of the law by following it.


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

Razare said:


> Being a Christian isn't about following the rules, though, just so you're aware... in case you ever decide you want to become one again.
> 
> I just say that because there are some people out there who think they are going to heaven because they are rule following.
> 
> People can't fulfill the requirements of the law by following it.


Following the Bible too closely would drive anyone to insanity. I swear, I managed to find my own interpretation of what I read, but hearing everyone else's opinions made me think... and think... I spent most of my time focused on the religion XD I decided it wasn't healthy and that lifestyle isn't necessarily my way. I choose different things I agree with and try to improve what I know exists. Things that might exist come later (Se much?)

I still have my options open for religion (Now I'm showing off my 7ness) though a lot of Buddhist principles are pretty much what I believe. I don't follow a religion and if I change my mind, I'll probably be middle aged or have survived some near death accident or something.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

he could have aspergers syndrome


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## Malandro (Jul 17, 2014)

vinniebob said:


> he could have aspergers syndrome


We're back to square one again XD

I think he might do. With British SENCO, we'll never know (all these bloody unintentional rhymes).


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