# Ask a bisexual anything



## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Do it. Because these threads will never be put to rest until we've covered everything.

(It'd be good if we could get some bisexuals with experience in here, so we can answer all the questions.)


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

When did you know you were bi ?

is it confusing when you have a friend who is hetero, and you feel strongly for them as a friend?


----------



## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> When did you know you were bi ?
> 
> is it confusing when you have a friend who is hetero, and you feel strongly for them as a friend?


I don't know if I technically count as bisexual. I can answer at least the first question, but the second one doesn't really apply to me, I think. I identify as a panromantic demisexual. I did, however, know that I had been attracted to people of both sexes by at least age seven. I connected with people's souls... I don't know how to explain it. I would develop sort of a crush based on people's insides. I just loved people's spirits with practically full disregard to the outward appearance. I would develop an appreciation for their looks after a connection was made, but their looks aren't what made me notice or like them.


----------



## hela (Feb 12, 2012)

Have you ever been made to feel unwelcome in gay spaces because "bisexual? LOL MORE LIKE BEERSEXUAL?"


----------



## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> When did you know you were bi ?
> 
> is it confusing when you have a friend who is hetero, and you feel strongly for them as a friend?


By the time I was fourteen-ish, I'd figured it out. I've always had a female preference, though.

As for your second question, no. The way I feel about my friends vs. the "crush feeling" are different sensations entirely, and overlap is unusual for me. I honestly can't see why this _would_ be confusing, so you'll have to explain further.



hela said:


> Have you ever been made to feel unwelcome in gay spaces because "bisexual? LOL MORE LIKE BEERSEXUAL?"


Yes. I was really into the whole LGBT campus activism thing my first two years of college, and that - combined with a bunch of bizarre race-related issues - made me feel very alienated, and I stopped participating in any sort of organization-related activity. It was too much bullshit from nearly every side.


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Perhaps said:


> As for your second question, no. The way I feel about my friends vs. the "crush feeling" are different sensations entirely, and *overlap* is unusual for me. I honestly can't see why this _would_ be confusing, so you'll have to explain further.


 If there were an overlap, I would think that would be confusing. That's why I asked.


----------



## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> If there were an overlap, I would think that would be confusing. That's why I asked.


Well, what's confusing _me_ is why you would assume the possibility of an overlap. That would be like me assuming that you don't differentiate between male friends and male "more than friends."


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Perhaps said:


> Well, what's confusing _me_ is why you would assume the possibility of an overlap. That would be like me assuming that you don't differentiate between male friends and male "more than friends."


 Good point. I must admit when I was really young there was some confusion though. Some male friends I knew liked me more than friends. and I've liked friends that didn't like me. And there have been neutral friends I've had no "crush" feeling but felt attracted to and vice versa. idk, the question just popped in my head. I hadn't thought past that. I hope it wasn't offensive or anything that I'd think an overlap was possible. I appreciate your answer though 

another question if I may ...

Do you think it is more common that females are bisexual than males?


----------



## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> Do you think it is more common that females are bisexual than males?


Maybe, but I think they're able to be more open about it due to affection between women being more socially acceptable.


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> When did you know you were bi ?


I figured it out when I was about 21. Looking back before that is was very obvious that I was bi, if not gay, but I didn't want to let myself consider it a possibility.



> is it confusing when you have a friend who is hetero, and you feel strongly for them as a friend?


I don't have hetero friends so I can't really tell you, BUT, I don't imagine it would be confusing. What is confusing about feeling strongly for someone as a friend?



> Do you think it is more common that females are bisexual than males?


I think it's more common for women to be _out _as bisexuals. There is a very strong stigma against bisexual men and a lot of pressure on them to 'choose a side'. That stigma exists for everyone who is bisexual but men tend to get hit with it the hardest by both gay and straight people, in my experience.



hela said:


> Have you ever been made to feel unwelcome in gay spaces because "bisexual? LOL MORE LIKE BEERSEXUAL?"


I have not, mostly because most of my friends are bisexual/pansexual/polysexual so all my LGBT spaces are mostly B and T spaces.


Edit: Questions for other bisexuals

How do you define your bisexuality? Do you differentiate your sexual orientation from pansexuality and polysexuality or do you simply prefer the term bisexual to others?

Do you have a preference for dating/sleeping with either people with monosexual sexual orienations (gay/straight) or polysexual sexual orientations (bi/poly/pan)?


Personally, I don't differentiate between polysexual, bisexual, or pansexual. At least not in reference to myself. I'll call myself whatever I need to in order to get across that I'm not monosexual, though I might explain them differently. If I tell people I'm bisexual, I will usually tell them that means I'm attracted to my own gender and other genders, if I call myself polysexual I'll usually explain it as being attracted to multiple genders, and if I say I'm pansexual I'll describe it as potentially being attracted to all genders.

I tend to have a preference for dating other bi/poly/pansexual people over monosexual people for a few reasons. 1. I'm trans and my gender is rather ambiguous. While there are probably plenty of monosexual people out there that are capable of dating gender divergent people, there's many more out there who would probably make assumptions about my gender and not see me in ways I'm comfortable having a sexual partner see me. 2. It's harder to find a monosexual person who doesn't buy into stigma against bisexual people than it is to find another bisexual person (at least in my experience). While I've not had things said directly to me I've known plenty of people to say about me and others that once we're dating someone of whichever gender we've proven ourselves to be 'actually straight' or 'actually gay' or spread it around that it's in our nature to cheat and it's only a matter of time before we're disloyal. That kind of insecurity is just not something I have a lot of patience for dealing with. 3. On average I just tend to be more compatible with people who are also bisexual, whether as friends or sexual partners. I don't really know why it is, but I just don't click well with most monosexual people on any meaningful level. Bisexual friends and partners haven't always been something I've sought out but they always seem to be what I end up with regardless of whether or not I knew they were bisexual when we started becoming close.


----------



## nevermore (Oct 1, 2010)

Drewbie;3291797I said:


> There is a very strong stigma against bisexual men and a lot of pressure on them to 'choose a side'


A female acquaintence who was crushing on me (and I on her) found out I had been in a relationship with a guy and said words to the effect of "well, that's a shame, you're exactly my type but unfortunately you like penis". Made things a little too awkward to take the conversation further. At least, it was one way of getting the truth out of her. :wink:


----------



## nevermore (Oct 1, 2010)

A question: do you resent using the word "bisexual" to describe yourself in real life, considering how liberally it is thrown around and the significant number of fakes?


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

nevermore said:


> A question: do you resent using the word "bisexual" to describe yourself in real life, considering how liberally it is thrown around and the significant number of fakes?


Not really. I mean, I may be in the minority here but I don't particularly mind the "fakes". I've never met a truly "fake bisexual" the way most people describe. I've met a quite a few people who claimed they were bisexual when they were simply bi-curious and after some experimentation realized they were straight after all, but I'm not going to call someone a fake for being mistaken about their sexual orientation or discourage people from experimenting. In most cases "fake bisexual" is applied to women who make out or sleep with women but don't date women or only only do it for their boyfriend but that just makes me think there should be more efforts made to distinguish sexual orientation and romantic orientation and the fact that mixed orientations exist and don't necessarily make someone a bad or fake anything.


----------



## hela (Feb 12, 2012)

nevermore said:


> A question: do you resent using the word "bisexual" to describe yourself in real life, considering how liberally it is thrown around and the significant number of fakes?


Nope. I use "bi" IRL because most people don't know what "pan" means. I'm indifferent to the fakes and "beersexuals," though. I don't have a problem with straight girls performing for straight guys or vice versa, or with people who just want the cred.


----------



## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

Who was the best sex of your life. A man or a woman? How was it? Care to share the story? ^_^


----------



## hela (Feb 12, 2012)

TWN said:


> Who was the best sex of your life. A man or a woman? How was it? Care to share the story? ^_^


A woman. We hadn't seen each other in a month and fucked on a couch while her family played poker in the next room. She barely kept quiet.


----------



## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

hela said:


> A woman. We hadn't seen each other in a month and fucked on a couch while her family played poker in the next room. She barely kept quiet.


Ok, big question: Strap-on or not? In that situation.

And also, do you need penetration of any kind to get off?


----------



## hela (Feb 12, 2012)

TWN said:


> Ok, big question: Strap-on or not? In that situation.
> 
> And also, do you need penetration of any kind to get off?


Strap-ons are waaaay too involved for that kind of impromptu thing.

Nope.


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

TWN said:


> Who was the best sex of your life. A man or a woman? How was it? Care to share the story? ^_^


This is hard to answer because I don't know how to categorize 'best sex'. Most intense orgasm? Most creative and fun sex? Most enjoyable partner? Those all fall to different people and a variety of genders. I can't choose!


----------



## TWN (Feb 16, 2012)

Drewbie said:


> This is hard to answer because I don't know how to categorize 'best sex'. Most intense orgasm? Most creative and fun sex? Most enjoyable partner? Those all fall to different people and a variety of genders. I can't choose!


Ok. Best/most intense orgasm. The one person that really knocked you out ^_^


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

thor odinson said:


> Does it ever fluctuate?


My sexual attraction has fluctuated in the passed but it's been steady for a while now. My lack of romantic attraction has been constant.


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

jdmn said:


> Some people think that almost everyone in the world is bisexual. They prefer one gender over the other, but there's still some traces of attraction towards the same gender. Within this theory very few people are exclusively heterosexual, granted that they've never ever in their lives experienced attraction for the same gender.
> 
> Bisexuals, do you think that almost everyone in the world is bisexual? Yes, no, why?


Almost everyone? Not really. I think that perhaps a lot more people are bisexual and homosexual than are willing to admit it. I also think there are probably more asexual spectrum people than will admit it, though they may be less in number than people who experience sexual attraction.



_Jagodei_ said:


> are you happy?
> 
> 
> i thought i was bisexual my whole life. it was very confusing for me. it's ok to be confused - and it's ok to like and enjoy people of the same sex. just be yourself:tongue:


I am happy with my sexuality. Am I, in general, happy? That is a lot more complex and not really relevant to the thread. :tongue:


----------



## Runvardh (May 17, 2011)

nm

=^.^=


----------



## Choice (May 19, 2012)

Malkovich said:


> To be honest, it is a bit hard for me to conceive that most people in the world are monosexual like they claim. Having a strong preference for one gender I get, but having literally no interest in the other? It's just so bizarre to me, I have to keep reminding myself it's the norm.


I remember when I was asexual, before puberty. Absolutely no sexual attraction to ANYTHING whatsoever. 

I've heard of people who said that they did feel that kinda thing when they were 8 or 9 or so, but if you're not one of them, just imagine that feeling extended to 1 sex.


----------



## goastfarmer (Oct 20, 2010)

jdmn said:


> Very interesting, most scientific research states that nature is much more important in defining your sexual orientation and gender identity. Why do you think that nurture plays an equally important role to define sexual orientation and gender identity?


Well, now. I never said anything about which one was more important. There are some things that are rooted more in nature and some rooted more in nurture. What I am saying, there is always multiple factors. However, I have never personally seen a study that suggests genetics always trumps socialization. Rather, I've seen studies that just show how genetics affect things rather than genetics and socialization play off of each other. Pay very close attention to what I am actually saying here. 

Though, I do think socialization plays a bigger role in those claiming to be heterosexual than those who are homosexual given the human capacity to lie to ourselves and others at times without even knowing it. 


*My own question for my fellow bisexuals*: How do you feel when people assume your straight? Or gay? Sometimes with good reason to assume so such as when you say so-and-so person of this sex is hot? Do you do anything about it?


----------



## MissyMaroon (Feb 24, 2010)

Kinsey Scale:

Sexual: 1-2

Romantic: 2-3


----------



## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

saintless said:


> *My own question for my fellow bisexuals*: How do you feel when people assume your straight? Or gay? Sometimes with good reason to assume so such as when you say so-and-so person of this sex is hot? Do you do anything about it?


Doesn't bother me very much most of the time. I correct people if the situation calls for it, but the label is not very important. I'm pretty comfortable with my own sexuality, so it's not a big deal either way. And sometimes it's fun to make people confused  FWIW, I'm more attracted to my own gender, but I can feel happy and satisfied in a hetero relationship too.


----------



## Choice (May 19, 2012)

saintless said:


> *My own question for my fellow bisexuals*: How do you feel when people assume your straight? Or gay? Sometimes with good reason to assume so such as when you say so-and-so person of this sex is hot? Do you do anything about it?


It usually translates into gleeful internal laughter, or maybe external smirking. 
If I couldn't be assed, I'd just think "lol, okay." and be done. <- most of the time, because this kinda thing is usually irrelevant.
If I did end up correcting them more than once, and they insisted that they were correct, I'd be relatively exasperated.


----------



## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

thor odinson said:


> Does it ever fluctuate?


Yes. I am slightly more sexually attracted to men at certain times of the month. Romantic attraction remains constant, however.


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

saintless said:


> *My own question for my fellow bisexuals*: How do you feel when people assume your straight? Or gay? Sometimes with good reason to assume so such as when you say so-and-so person of this sex is hot? Do you do anything about it?


I get a bit irritated when people assume I'm straight. I am less irritated when people assume I'm gay. I make a point of only hooking up with men and not dating them, so most people would have no reason to know that I'm as sexually active with men as women. I will usually correct them if they assume I'm gay, but not always. I always correct someone when they assume I'm strictly straight.


----------



## hela (Feb 12, 2012)

saintless said:


> *My own question for my fellow bisexuals*: How do you feel when people assume your straight? Or gay? Sometimes with good reason to assume so such as when you say so-and-so person of this sex is hot? Do you do anything about it?


I don't care, and I don't do anything about it unless I care about developing a friendship with that person.


----------



## nujabes (May 18, 2012)

Kinsey Scale

Sexual: 2

Romantic: 2-3

Now a question: How many people who identify as bisexual also identify as sapiosexual? I'm slowly coming to grips with being bisexual, but i'm really more sapiosexual than anything. A great intellect is a beautiful thing and a huge turn on, regardless of gender for me.


----------



## Dashing (Sep 19, 2011)

What would be your perfect four-some?


----------



## goastfarmer (Oct 20, 2010)

Dashing said:


> What would be your perfect four-some?


Why four?


----------



## Dashing (Sep 19, 2011)

saintless said:


> Why four?


Because you yourself are of one gender, three extra people would mean making a choice between gender. MMF MFF MMM FFF

Also I'm kind of a pervert sometimes.


----------



## hela (Feb 12, 2012)

Dashing said:


> What would be your perfect four-some?


You, me, and Brangelina.



gingertonic said:


> Kinsey Scale
> 
> Sexual: 2
> 
> ...


I do.


----------



## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

thor odinson said:


> 1. Where do you fall on the Kinsey Scale in terms of strength of sexual attraction?
> 
> 2. Where do you fall on the Kinsey Scale in terms of strength of romantic attraction?
> 
> ...


Sexual: 2, Romance: 3



thor odinson said:


> Does it ever fluctuate?


Yes, although my attraction to women is fairly constant, both physically and romantically. It might weaken at one time or another, but it never completely goes away. Now and then the attraction towards men will spike, but it's usually short lived and disappears as quickly as it came. I should say that I'm a lot more 'picky' with men and it sometimes takes a while to show my interest, only because there's usually not this overwhelming, physical pull toward them like there is with women. 



saintless said:


> *My own question for my fellow bisexuals*: How do you feel when people assume your straight? Or gay? Sometimes with good reason to assume so such as when you say so-and-so person of this sex is hot? Do you do anything about it?


It doesn't bother me, really, since I easily pass as 100% straight around most people. What does get upsetting is when you're put in a box after disclosing your sexuality, or not taken as serious from either side. Yeah, it's the ideas people already have when it comes to gender, sexuality, and such that I find frustrating more than any assumptions they might have of me, personally. 

Sometimes I run with it just to learn more about the person and their opinions, but generally, it's not something I find worth stressing over.


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

Dashing said:


> What would be your perfect four-some?


It depends on my mood. There is no one foursome that is perfect for all situations.


----------



## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

gingertonic said:


> Now a question: How many people who identify as bisexual also identify as sapiosexual? I'm slowly coming to grips with being bisexual, but i'm really more sapiosexual than anything. A great intellect is a beautiful thing and a huge turn on, regardless of gender for me.


I certainly am. In fact, intelligence is a requirement for me to become attracted to someone at all.


----------



## Zegaray (Jun 17, 2009)

This message is out to all of the bisexuals on this thread. So I hope anyone who reads this can reply on their thoughts.


What is the your favorite thing about each gender? Like what is your list of what you find attractive to you about a girl or guy you may like?

I already made a thread about what I like in girls and guys, wanted to see other peoples opinions on theirs.


----------

