# My Guide to INFPs - part 2



## OrangeAppled

Concerning relationships, a few good things to remember about me (and possibly other INFPs):
*
1. Maintaining integrity is more important to me than "success" in the world*, especially money (Hi ESTXs :dry. If something doesn't have a "higher" meaning to it, then I have a hard time caring about it. Help me see the meaning to something if it seems I am unfairly writing it off. "That's just how it is" arguments don't sit well with me; I am an idealist after all. 
*
2. Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea *(Hi NTs :dry. If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?
*
3. Don't misjudge my reserve as disinterest or dislike.* If I don't like you, then it will be made very clear if necessary. I'm probably much more intimidated by you than you could ever be of me. I will reciprocate and warm up if/when I feel safe. 

*4. Make an attempt to see the bigger picture, and then you'll get past my tiny quirks* (ie. running late) that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. Check the bottom line instead of nitpicking those little things.
*
5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner.* It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their _confidence_ in my ability to do it, not their _criticism_ of what I am or am not doing right now.
*
6. I am quiet, generally inoffensive, and go-with-the-flow, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat or obsequious*. Making this assumption is dangerous. I'm very strong-willed and can be downright aggressive if necessary. I like to help people, not necessarily serve them, and I will stand up for myself. Don't push too hard; I will push back.

*7. If I am feeling melancholy, do not trivialize my feelings or tell me to "get over it".* You can make me laugh, you can make me cookies, you can just leave me the hell alone, but I repeat: _do not trivialize my feelings_. Actually, don't trivialize my feelings in any scenario. At least acknowledge them as valid before giving your counter view. 

*8. I am initially a reserved person, but this doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud.* I'm also surprisingly less naive than you may think. I'm very open to new things as long as they don't violate my values.
*
9. I talk in metaphors a lot, use hypothetical situations to make a point, and generally put a lot of stock in symbolism.* Make an effort to take this seriously, because this is how I communicate, and I will shut down if you disregard it. This also means I sometimes read into wording and actions as symbolic for something greater, which might be annoying, but much of the time it proves right, so I'm sticking to it.

*10. If you ask me about something, be prepared for an honest answer.* This includes questions like "how are you?" and "what do you think?". I'll be nice about it and take a lot of care with your feelings, but I won't BS you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

*11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction,* so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.

*12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it.* If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me. 

*13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally*, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.


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## jeff614

hey... uhm... i kinda do spend tons of time viewing lolcats. 

great stuff! can you sticky them on the forums?


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## OrangeAppled

^ Only mods can sticky, but thanks for thinking they are sticky worthy


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## Memphisto

Couldn't agree more...with every point!


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## amanda32

mmm...#6....grrr...


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## Danse Macabre

Lovely, well said =D


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## Boy C

Good read, thanks.


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## Astaneh

Really useful when thinking about the two INFP girls I know!


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## Mandarin

I love both of your blogs...very very true! 
You once again manage to say things I think/feel with the kind of clarity and eloquence that I can't always manage.


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## cardinalfire

Yep, better than part one.


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## CristianLuca

I wish I was a ENTJ and marry you.
You have my respect girl !


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## CristianLuca

Awesome read.
Again.


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## heart

I need to give this to my mom (ISTJ) and tell her it's an instruction manual for how to "deal with" me.


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## Empurple

Really excellent!


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## oncetheriver

This is spot on. Thanks for such a wonderful blog post!


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## Aelthwyn

again these are very good observations. thanks!


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## bellamay77

=) great stuff


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## hasenj

great write up. I specially thank you for #2, #7, and #9

Anyone "trivializing my feelings" is a sure way to make me hate them.


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## Darkestblue

Great stuff, Orange. I agree with all of it. Part 1 & 2. It's reassuring for me when it comes to wondering if I really am an INFP or not.


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## ZdAries

Ok so when I commented on your first blog post, I didn't know there was already a part 2.
And now that I know there's a part 2, my feelings are still the same.
Wonderful and accurate but I still want more! (I'm not forcing you or anything, I just want more)


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## Empurple

See? We all want more. I told you! Again, no pressure though, except...MORE!


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## run.away.unicorn

now i understand 'real' exists, is to be lived for, there are fellow souls doing it somewhere
ur words and thoughts are clearer than the spring sky


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## Zmp

Number 10 (if not number 6) is a killer  so that usually the other ones are never gotten to


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## perfectcircle

These fit me to a T. But that may be the infp and 4w5 overlap.


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## Fantastic Fantaseer

*1. *"That's just how it is" arguments don't sit well with me; I am an idealist after all. 

_agreed_

*2. Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea *(Hi NTs :dry. If you want to know, then ask respectfully and *give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer*. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?

_SWEET LORD ABOVE *THANK YOU!!! *this explains SO WELL why I just really wanted to give my teacher a good KICK IN THE FRICKEN FACE when he was trying to start arguements with me that one day. don't you dare ask me something, give my no more then 2 seconds to reply, cut me off by sticking the foot in the mouth and assumeing. or I'll be sticking MY foot in YOUR mouth. and THEN I'll be assumeing you like how it tastes. (or atleast I'll be doing that in my head. dam it overly passiveness.)_

*3. Don't misjudge my reserve as disinterest or dislike.* If I don't like you, then it will be made very clear if necessary. I'm probably much more intimidated by you than you could ever be of me. I will reciprocate and warm up if/when I feel safe. 

_agreed_

*4. Make an attempt to see the bigger picture, and then you'll get past my tiny quirks* (ie. running late) that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. Check the bottom line instead of nitpicking those little things.

_eh, not so much. likeing big pictures, yah. other parts, nah._

*5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner.* It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their _confidence_ in my ability to do it, not their _criticism_ of what I am or am not doing right now.

_critisism isn't gunna come close to getting you what you want outta me, but it might bother me alittle bit. encuragment, that bothers me alot. if I've done ANY great things in my life, it's cause I wanted to d it and no one forced me/got in my way._

*6. I am quiet, generally inoffensive, and go-with-the-flow, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat or obsequious*. Making this assumption is dangerous. I'm very strong-willed and can be downright aggressive if necessary. I like to help people, not necessarily serve them, and I will stand up for myself. Don't push too hard; I will push back.

_sorta does, and no I'm not. I am a doormat. and I could only wish and dream of haveing the guts spine and nutz to stand upfor myslef, assert, and puch back/be agressive. _

*7. If I am feeling melancholy, do not trivialize my feelings or tell me to "get over it".* You can make me laugh, you can make me cookies, you can just leave me the hell alone, but I repeat: _do not trivialize my feelings_. Actually, don't trivialize my feelings in any scenario. At least acknowledge them as valid before giving your counter view. 

_*you can absolutely most DEFFINETLY make ME cookies anytime!  but sure AS HELL don't you EVER DARE tell me to just "GET OVER IT!"* cause then I WIL *kick your* *ASS*! and I'm the last person on earth who'd ever grow the nutz to kick anyones ass simply cause I wouldn't want to get in trouble and cause trouble for anyone other than the person who's ass needs kicking._

*8. I am initially a reserved person, but this doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud.* I'm also surprisingly less naive than you may think. I'm very open to new things as long as they don't violate my values.

_cirtainly agreed._

*9. I talk in metaphors a lot, use hypothetical situations to make a point, and generally put a lot of stock in symbolism.* Make an effort to take this seriously, because this is how I communicate, and I will shut down if you disregard it. This also means I sometimes read into wording and actions as symbolic for something greater, which might be annoying, but much of the time it proves right, so I'm sticking to it.

_moral of this story, don't take crap of anything I say literally. cause I most cirtainly don't mean it that way. I speak figuratively, and that's about it. unless I'm telling you to jump of a cliff. cause I wouldn't say that figureatively, cause that doesn't make sence. if I'm telling you that, it's casue I don't like you and honestly want to see you fall from a high place._

*10. If you ask me about something, be prepared for an honest answer.* This includes questions like "how are you?" and "what do you think?". I'll be nice about it and take a lot of care with your feelings, but I won't BS you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

_and also be prepared for half answers like "I don't know" and/or just no answer at all._

*11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction,* so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.

_deffinetly._

*12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it.* If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me. 

_I could never agree more._


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## Elias

Such an awesome in depth analysis


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