# I think I need help...



## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

I know this title is strange...but I think my mental health is going down. 
I usually don't like posting things or saying things to people but I might need help. I don't know what's wrong and how I can become better.
I'm feeling hopeless and empty. I just hate myself, I end up saying things which I don't want to say. I'm becoming aggressive, mean. My body is tensed, I get sick a lot (since june I went 5 times to the doctor which is unusual, I usually got 2 times a year...) From the doctor's point of view It might be stress. But I don't know how to get rid of it... I don't know whom to turn to, I think I might get on my boyfriend's nerve though he doesn't say so. I feel lost and hopeless and doesn't know how to get out. I just wanted to say that, I'm sorry for confessing that...


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

Awww, honey please don't be sorry for posting this. I am not a psychologist so I won't pretend to know how to solve your issues. Although, I have learned in the past that making a journal of how you're feeling and what happened that day helps a lot sort out what is triggering my feelings. Did you have a drastic change in your life before these feelings started? And the 5 times you went to the doctor, what were their diagnoses aside from stress? 

I am sorry you're feeling this way, if internet hugs helps here's mine. *hugs you tight* I am sorry you feel hopeless and lost. Please keep talking about this. Maybe we can help you find your way.


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## Mr. Meepers (May 31, 2012)

You are not hopeless (there is always hope) and please don't be sorry for confessing, it is okay to express what you feel (although I understand how easy it is to want to apologize for everything, it is okay okay to feel and assert your presence and feelings) *hugs*
Anyway, I'm not sure what to say and I don't have a lot of time at the moment (but I will have more later), but I did want to give you hugs and support and be subscribed to this thread in case you wanted to share more *hugs* 

I suppose I should add that if you hate yourself, maybe you should try to think up of things that are positive about yourself, because we all have things that are positive about us and we each have something to offer (although I know that it can be very hard to see one's own value. I mean, I see the value in almost everyone but myself, but if they all have value and there are people like me, then I must have value too ... and you have value as well)

And it is normal to become more aggressive when stressed.

Anyway, why do you think your bf is annoyed? Because you are turning to him too much? If he does not say he is annoyed or act like it, then don't assume so. I would imagine that no matter what talk to your bf about that, if he is caring, that he just wants to be there for you and be your support. I mean is that I think he would rather you come to him with your problems, so that he can help support you, instead you trying to spare him your pain because I imagine that he cares deeply for you and when you care deeply for someone, you want to be there for them and support them. *hugs*


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## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

Hum drastic change, well I went abroad to study and couldn't find an internship when I came back to my country... I ended up failing my year at uni... I'm held back for a year. My parents are disappointed and me too. That's the only change.
The first time I went to the doctor was because of my wrist (left). It hurt a lot. We still haven't found what it was, it still hurts sometimes, especially if I used it to carry something. Then my eyes became red, I went to the doctor she said it was just a minor infection (july), she said that it would be gone in a week. After two weeks, they were still red, I went to a specialist which gave me three other medicine... My eyes are still red though I went back to my doctor two weeks ago and had again another medicine... In august I started to throw up in the evening without feeling sick, I was given some medicine for the stomach (stress), I sometimes feel like vomitting but it's better than before. Last time I went, my shoulder was hurting, I was given again lots of medicine, my shoulder still hurt, as if I had done lots of sport, which I haven't... Oh I also started to have eczema on my face...


I forgot something, thank you for the hugs ("hugs")

As for my boyfriend... well I'm afraid that I will end up annoying him and I don't want to break up with him because of that. I know that he cares a lot but I know that It also hurts him whenever I tell him what I feel... He told me that he hates to see me like this because he doesn't know what to do to help me...


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

Hmm.. maybe you have some sort of illness which is affecting you emotionally too? Like hypothyroidism or something (although it's probably not that).


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

Kyora said:


> Hum drastic change, well I went abroad to study and couldn't find an internship when I came back to my country... I ended up failing my year at uni... I'm held back for a year. My parents are disappointed and me too. That's the only change.
> The first time I went to the doctor was because of my wrist (left). It hurt a lot. We still haven't found what it was, it still hurts sometimes, especially if I used it to carry something. Then my eyes became red, I went to the doctor she said it was just a minor infection (july), she said that it would be gone in a week. After two weeks, they were still red, I went to a specialist which gave me three other medicine... My eyes are still red though I went back to my doctor two weeks ago and had again another medicine... In august I started to throw up in the evening without feeling sick, I was given some medicine for the stomach (stress), I sometimes feel like vomitting but it's better than before. Last time I went, my shoulder was hurting, I was given again lots of medicine, my shoulder still hurt, as if I had done lots of sport, which I haven't... Oh I also started to have eczema on my face...
> 
> 
> ...


OMG I suspected that you might be like me, I had some changes in my life that drastically changed my plans for the future and I didn't know what to do. So I've been feeling empty and hopeless not to mention anxious about the emptiness. So much so that I've been having trouble sleeping. I think you might be like this as well. You don't know what to do. You have these plans for when you come back home after studying abroad and nothing is going your way so you don't know what to do anymore. Well for me, it usually works to focus on things I can control, just immediate things to gain some control over your life. Also it helps to keep yourself busy and (here's where your boyfriend comes in) plan a fun vacation or trip with him. Think up some really exciting stuff to do and places to see with him. It usually lessens the emptiness because you have something to look forward to even if it won't happen right away, there is a plan there to work on.

As for your parents being disappointed, parents are always like that. Trust me, I know, I grew up in an Asian household. The key is to not let it get to you. Don't kill yourself trying to please them. It never usually ends up well. Also remember that in your heart you've done what you possibly can with what you have at that time. You can't bring back what's already happened but remember you still have your whole life ahead of you. There will always be second chances and new opportunities. You still have plenty of chances to excel, don't focus so much on this one little thing. 

Oh wow okay. That's a lot of stuff. hehehe I don't know how to cure your red eyes but for me, cold compress usually helps lessen the redness and swelling. As for the vomiting, when you sleep, sleep on your left, it usually helps with keeping food down. Also try small frequent meals throughout the day instead of 3 big meals and as much as you can, make breakfast your big meal of the day instead of dinner. As for the wrist, I don't know what to tell you, try and not use it too much with lifting, or sports. Well sports are not the only things that can make your shoulder hurt, sometimes the way you sleep can make it hurt, or how you sit or how many pounds of books you carry on your bag all day, stuff like this. As for the eczema, that has plenty of causes so I can't really recommend treatments. Although, to keep your face from drying use a very light, hypoallergenic lotion or cream. As for the itching, cold compress usually helps. I have a feeling you might be allergic to something with the red eyes and the eczema. Have you gone to an allergologist?

Awww, you're welcome. We've all been there before where unfortunate events come at you at the same time from everywhere, sometimes hugs can help to soften the blow. *more warm hugs* 

Oh I almost forgot about the boyfriend, I say tell him what your thinking and how you're feeling but make sure to thank him for making you feel better too so that he won't feel like he hasn't done anything for you. Tell him his hugs work just fine.


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## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

I would love to go on a trip... but I can't I have to finish this dissertation that's making me go crazy... By the way I was told that I wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend and go out to see my friends until my dissertation is done ^^' And that a lot of work 90 pages on "Adjectives in press releases and business news reporting" is not a piece of cake sadly.

It's hard to not let it affect. I feel so worthless because I was told I was because I couldn't pass this year. It's the first time that I fail and not a good feeling. 
I'm not doing any sports as I have to work everyday on my dissertation. I just wake up, eat, work, eat, work, take a bath, eat and talk to my boyfriend and go to sleep. 

Hum nope I haven't tried an allergologist but the second doctor did tell me that I had an allergy to something but that it was minor and that I shouldn't worry. 

Thanks again


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## Kyusaku (Mar 18, 2014)

@Kyora You should see a psychiatrist, you might have a depression. Don't feel guilty for your boyfriend, I'm sure he can feel you aren't well, and he is probably wishing for you to get better. Wait until you feel more confident in yourself to tell him about it. There's no need for you to push yourself even more, take your current state seriously, and try to avoid as much pressure on yourself as you can. Try to take it easy, things will get sorted out, but you need outside help, might it be from relatives or professional. Feel free to vent on here, if that helps you get some steam off your chest.

I wish you'll find healthiness again. :happy:


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## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

depression? what made you think of that? Well it's not that I wouldn't want to go to a psychiatrist, it's that I won't be allowed to and it will be badly seen from my dad's view (I'm still living with them since I'm still studying... planing to leave as soon as I get my degree which will normally be in july...)


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## Kyusaku (Mar 18, 2014)

Kyora said:


> depression? what made you think of that? Well it's not that I wouldn't want to go to a psychiatrist, it's that I won't be allowed to and it will be badly seen from my dad's view (I'm still living with them since I'm still studying... planing to leave as soon as I get my degree which will normally be in july...)


Your feelings of hopeless, emptiness and self hatred. Your feeling of guiltiness towards your boyfriend and father. The physical problems can be psychosomatic (which is why your doctor believe it comes from stress). Sadly depression isn't considered as a sickness by many, but it is truly a physical disease, caused by a lack of specific chemicals in your brain. If it can reassure your father that this isn't something purely fanciful, explain him that psychiatrist are actually doctors, unlike psychologists. It's not a problem about your morals, about who you are and what you are capable to do. Don't feel shameful, and let it take a toll on you. The longer you leave it unchecked, the worst it becomes, and spread through multiple things in your life. The shame forces you to bear it on your own, to not get treatment for your condition, nor your problems being recognized as outside of your control. The pressure will get stronger as time goes by, without any relief in your condition. It is a trap almost every depressive person fall into.


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

Kyora said:


> I would love to go on a trip... but I can't I have to finish this dissertation that's making me go crazy... By the way I was told that I wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend and go out to see my friends until my dissertation is done ^^' And that a lot of work 90 pages on "Adjectives in press releases and business news reporting" is not a piece of cake sadly.
> 
> It's hard to not let it affect. I feel so worthless because I was told I was because I couldn't pass this year. It's the first time that I fail and not a good feeling.
> I'm not doing any sports as I have to work everyday on my dissertation. I just wake up, eat, work, eat, work, take a bath, eat and talk to my boyfriend and go to sleep.
> ...


Aww, I didn't mean go on a trip right now. Just make plans to go on a trip in the future. You know, something to look forward to. To distract you from your current situation.

Hold on, you are not worthless. Please don't let yourself think that. A failing grade is what it is, it doesn't decrease your worth. Oh okay. I get it. I am so sorry. I know the feeling. Failing for the first time. You set standards for yourself and try your hardest expecting to get results and you don't, that's rough. But you'll feel better about this. I know it doesn't feel that way now but years down the road when your priorities have changed, you'll look back and see that your failing grade wasn't really that big of a deal.

Oh okay. Well did you have the eczema when you went to the second doctor?

You're welcome. Like I said, keep talking about this. Rant if you must about your dissertation. Just let it out somehow.


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## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

Infermiera said:


> Aww, I didn't mean go on a trip right now. Just make plans to go on a trip in the future. You know, something to look forward to. To distract you from your current situation.
> 
> Hold on, you are not worthless. Please don't let yourself think that. A failing grade is what it is, it doesn't decrease your worth. Oh okay. I get it. I am so sorry. I know the feeling. Failing for the first time. You set standards for yourself and try your hardest expecting to get results and you don't, that's rough. But you'll feel better about this. I know it doesn't feel that way now but years down the road when your priorities have changed, you'll look back and see that your failing grade wasn't really that big of a deal.
> 
> ...


Nope I didn't have the eczema when I went to see the second doctor... but it's okay the cream I was given works just fine .

By the way I went to the doctor yesterday (yeah again...) because my stomach was hurting so much (more than 12 hours of hurt even though I took some medicine that should have alleviated the pain...). Results? The medicine I was given for my shoulder was too strong and ended up irritating my stomach, I have to take the medicine for two weeks and if it still hurts afterwards, I will have to do a (I think that's the word) fiberscope inspection.

As for my dissertation... well, I'm stuck on it. Adjectives are just so complicated to classify :'(


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## 45130 (Aug 26, 2012)

If anything, you gotta take a tiny break from this mind-killing situation you're in right now, no matter what your parents tell you. if you remain in this stressful state you won't be able to do anything and they should understand this.


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## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

Rage Kage said:


> If anything, you gotta take a tiny break from this mind-killing situation you're in right now, no matter what your parents tell you. if you remain in this stressful state you won't be able to do anything and they should understand this.


Well my mom let me do what I want, though she sometimes checks if I work... and my dad well that's different. I kind of think he is a type 1 ^^' but since yesterday he is a bit nicer, I guess my stomachache helped in a way, though it's killing me.

I know that I should take a break but what I really want I can't ^^' I just want to take a week and go see my boyfriend but my dad wants me to finish my dissertation beforehand.


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

Kyora said:


> Nope I didn't have the eczema when I went to see the second doctor... but it's okay the cream I was given works just fine .
> 
> By the way I went to the doctor yesterday (yeah again...) because my stomach was hurting so much (more than 12 hours of hurt even though I took some medicine that should have alleviated the pain...). Results? The medicine I was given for my shoulder was too strong and ended up irritating my stomach, I have to take the medicine for two weeks and if it still hurts afterwards, I will have to do a (I think that's the word) fiberscope inspection.
> 
> As for my dissertation... well, I'm stuck on it. Adjectives are just so complicated to classify :'(


oh okay that is good. And your eyes? still red?

oh my! Well you should take those shoulder meds with food so it won't be irritating. Yeah that's probably and endoscopy. Like they will insert a tube through your mouth and take a look at your stomach. It's not a painful procedure, just really uncomfortable. 

Awww. Have you tried reading other dissertations and getting ideas in those for your adjectives? I did that all the time when I was taking my masters. hehe


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

sounds like you need to hit the blunt...


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## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

Infermiera said:


> oh okay that is good. And your eyes? still red?
> 
> oh my! Well you should take those shoulder meds with food so it won't be irritating. Yeah that's probably and endoscopy. Like they will insert a tube through your mouth and take a look at your stomach. It's not a painful procedure, just really uncomfortable.
> 
> Awww. Have you tried reading other dissertations and getting ideas in those for your adjectives? I did that all the time when I was taking my masters. hehe


Well my eyes are still red, and no medicine (had 6 differents...). As for the shoulder's meds, well I took them while eating like I was told to but the other doctor (the husband of my doctor, she was too busy...) said that the meds were too strong for me and that I should never take them again as it will create the same problem  

Well I've read tons of dissertations... but I have to classify adjectives and it's not so simple... The adjective tall it's easy, it's a dimension adjectives. But adjectives like sudden, dead... I have more than 3000 to classify ^^' (corpus analysis)


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

Kyora said:


> Well my eyes are still red, and no medicine (had 6 differents...). As for the shoulder's meds, well I took them while eating like I was told to but the other doctor (the husband of my doctor, she was too busy...) said that the meds were too strong for me and that I should never take them again as it will create the same problem
> 
> Well I've read tons of dissertations... but I have to classify adjectives and it's not so simple... The adjective tall it's easy, it's a dimension adjectives. But adjectives like sudden, dead... I have more than 3000 to classify ^^' (corpus analysis)


Aww man. I am so sorry. Maybe your eyes are just stressed out from staring at the computer screen for too long. Have you tried cold compress? Oh okay so you're not taking meds for your shoulder anymore. How's the pain? Is it tolerable? I meant the pain on your shoulder. 

Oh are you a linguist? (I looked up corpus analysis) That's really cool. Anyway, I wish I could help you with your dissertation. It sounds like an interesting subject. Sadly, I have no clue how to help you with this.


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## Kyora (Mar 17, 2013)

Infermiera said:


> Aww man. I am so sorry. Maybe your eyes are just stressed out from staring at the computer screen for too long. Have you tried cold compress? Oh okay so you're not taking meds for your shoulder anymore. How's the pain? Is it tolerable? I meant the pain on your shoulder.
> 
> Oh are you a linguist? (I looked up corpus analysis) That's really cool. Anyway, I wish I could help you with your dissertation. It sounds like an interesting subject. Sadly, I have no clue how to help you with this.


Nope never tried cold compress ^^ My shoulder doesn't hurt that much anymore  I can feel that the pain is still there but not as much as before, it doesn't wake me up anymore so it's cool 


I'm still a student  but a student in germanic literature and languages (English and German) with a specialization in business languages  My master dissertation is about the difference in the use of adjectives in press releases and business news reporting  It's interesting but at the same time boring x)


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

Try it. I have a gel type compress. I just put it in the freezer and put it on my eyes before I go to sleep. It kind of looks like this. Oh okay. It's probably best to not take meds for it anymore, yes? heheeh











Oh my, how many press releases and business reports did you need to watch and read? I'm sorry but it sounds pretty boring. hehehe


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