# Loss of interest in everything / Frustrated with life / Mood swings



## Kito

I rarely ever post for advice, but maybe I need to actually do something about my problems instead of pushing them away now...

Since late August I've been having really bad mood swings, right after a period of being really happy and content with life. I experienced over a week of hopelessness and anger towards my own life, feeling like it was worthless, I'd wasted it doing the wrong things. Soon enough these feelings did disappear and I went back to my ordinary, mundane life.

They kept coming back, though... again and again these negative feelings would come back to me. I'd want to do nothing but sit and mope about my life, lost interest in absolutely everything around me and felt like there was no way out. Every time the feelings went away, I thought everything was fine and there was no reason to worry anymore.

But now it keeps happening more and more often... and more little things are beginning to upset me. Last night I had a massive outburst of anger at something incredibly insignificant that wouldn't have upset me at all before. I was throwing things around my room and breaking down into tears at random points.

And now I'm sitting here thinking about how life seems so bland... so pointless, so dull. I don't want to do anything. I feel bored and frustrated, yet everything around me doesn't seem interesting anymore. TV is boring. Video games are boring. Books are boring. Conversation is boring. Even food and music are beginning to become boring... and from those things alone you can gather how uneventful my life is in the first place.

Right when this first started, I put it down to how I've not done enough with my life to make myself happy... and not long ago I realised I'm probably headed down the wrong life path already. Up until very recently I had no idea what I wanted to do in life, and so I chose my classes based on what I enjoyed and thought "that'll do". But I'm not enjoying school at all. It's only good for my friends (and if it weren't for school I'd have no social life, literally). Every day I'm bound to sit through hours of boredom waiting for the end of the day so I can go home and do nothing. And then I'll feel bored and upset as soon as I get to do that.

Recently I joined my school's drama production... and at first I felt annoyed about how I'd have to spend so much time at school and not at home, but soon enough it got pretty interesting and I liked it. It just finished on Friday after a week of shows that required me to be at school literally all day. And when I came home that Friday night, I felt so... alive. As if I could just keep going and going. Last night that all went down the drain... I went back to doing absolutely nothing and hating yet loving it at the same time. Most things I used to enjoy aren't enjoyable anymore.

I think I know what I want to do... I want to go into music, art, drama, writing, some kind of creative outlet. That's how I'd be happy living. But I've taken the wrong classes already. I dropped art three years ago because my friends all hated it, and I pretended to as well so I could fit in. Really big mistake. I considered taking theatre studies this year... but I thought I'd get criticized by others for not taking more academic subjects. Now it's too late to change it. I didn't even take English which would be good for creative writing because I hated the way it was taught. I can't stand having all these essays and other work to deal with. I might enjoy my classes slightly, but... they're not enough of a reason for me to want to get out of bed in the morning.

I'm getting more angry and frustrated with every expectation placed on me. I feel like I can't deal with life. Tomorrow these feelings might suddenly disappear and I'll feel like life is great again. But they'll keep coming back and I know one day I'll snap, or maybe I already have.

I don't feel depressed. Not most of the time. Can you be depressed without even knowing it? I feel like I want to change the direction of my life, but feel completely incapable of doing so.


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## A Clockwork Alice

I think these things are typical for your age. I remember experiencing something similar a year ago - life seemed very dull and boring for me. Nothing ever changed and I felt helpless, because I thought I couldn't change anything about my life. I always wanted to get into an art school, but I failed, so I got into a science school and started getting into things I wasn't interested in before. It completely changed my life, because it was very different from what I've experienced before. I'm not saying you should try science, I'm saying you should probably try something new, meet new people, discover the world, learn things what actually are interesting, be creative. Life can't be boring, because you have discovered only a tiny bit of it - there is so much left to discover. Maybe you're just not motivated to do it, because the few things you've discovered haven't satisfied you. I think you should get out of your comfort zone and be more open to the world, it's not like you have anything to lose, right? I used to waste time doing things which seemed boring to me, but then I tried photography and somehow I felt like that is the right thing to do, because I felt happier when I was doing it. Now it's my favorite hobby. So, I think you should keep searching and trying new things to find out what is the right thing to do and hold on to it - then the bad feeling will leave eventually.


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## cityofcircuits

@Kito

First and foremost, I appreciate the honesty you have with yourself.
You realize things that you deem as an issue and seek to correct it. That's huge.
Because you're not wallowing in any kind of despair or self-pity for some extended period, but actively looking for answers.
So I'm impressed. Some don't deal with things for years, sadly.

Tbh myself, I don't have any sage advice or witty quote handy to wake you up or invigorate you to action.

But i want to give u props for being so honest.


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## abigaleblues

This sounds more like dealing with change and accepting maturity more than depression to me. I went through a very similar state during college, it lasted about a year (my entire junior year, when I was single and had to pick my major) and I felt very similar to how you described. I too wanted a job in a creative field (music or art, mainly fine art like painting and drawing) but my parents put the kibosh on that. So I took my mom's advice and went into more of a liberal arts field, which suited me fine. It's a big decision, I guess, but just having a degree is worth it. There is no way I would be where I am today without an education.

So my advice, as hard as it may seem, is to forget about what your friends think for the moment, and do what is right for you. Because honestly, they are probably already doing the same. At least the smart ones are.

Do what is right for you. Try to find new things you enjoy. I wouldn't invest too much time worrying about not liking the same things you used to. I get bored of everything too. It's just a sign that you need to take it up a notch, dive deeper into studying or learning about whatever you truly interested. It's all about finding yourself. You are not depressed, you just seem very self aware. I hope you can find new things to enjoy, no matter how small.


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## Cross

I hope that nothing else has changed aside from becoming bored and frustrated with things lately. What I mean is you're still sleeping well (around 7-9 hours a day), eating enough everyday, and getting enough exercise. Perhaps this may just be a phase you're going through and it might not be depression (whether unipolar/bipolar). I'm not going to rule out the possibility of depression however, but there is insufficient information to come up with a conclusion.


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## Siggy

_I think I know what I want to do... I want to go into music, art, drama, writing, some kind of creative outlet._ That's how I'd be happy living. But I've taken the wrong classes already. I dropped art three years ago because my friends all hated it, and I pretended to as well so I could fit in. Really big mistake. I considered taking theatre studies this year... but I thought I'd get criticized by others for not taking more academic subjects. Now it's too late to change it



Kito, it may be too late to change your major, but you can still pursue those things. Perhaps take a class on the weekend or join a club. Try not to be concerned about what others think, as you will make new friends who share your passions. 
there are also online courses in art, writing also.


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## yesiknowbut

I think you are probably overthinking it all, there is this great tendency to think that the route we take for employment has to be the be-all and end-all, and it isn't. Do what you have set up to do, and have fun with the drama and creative writing on the side for now. If you get to the end and want to change direction then, go for it, you're young. But don't keep chopping and changing, it doesn't make for happiness.

I do think you should consider the possibility of underlying depression. Try an on-line depression inventory and see how you score, as a start, or go and see a doctor.

Sign up for another drama project, though, it clearly is good for you.


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