# ADVICE Givers :: Who is the MOST prone to give advice among the NF types?



## Annna (Feb 23, 2014)

Who is the MOST prone to give advice among the NF types?
What's your take?




Thanks.


----------



## Van Meter (Sep 28, 2012)

Enfj > Infj > Infp > Enfp

That's my guess.


----------



## shakti (Oct 10, 2012)

I agree, except I would put ENFJ > ENFP > INFJ > INFP  

I sure do like giving advice, I have to say :-D


----------



## Magnesium (Jan 7, 2014)

ENFPs might give more advice that INFJs but it's normally terrible in my experience ^^


----------



## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

I know it's not my default reaction. I do give advice and it kind of depends on the situation as well as my knowledge base and the other person's expectations, but first and foremost I respond with sympathy or identification with someone (like sharing a similar story from my own experiences), and just letting them know I understood what they are telling me. A lot of times I have no clue what might help, or just don't immediately think about giving advice, even if I might have some knowledge. I don't really expect people to be looking for advice unless they specifically say so, and often I figure that whatever advice I might have is probably something they already thought of themselves anyway. One of my personal pet-peeves is when people start generating advice off the top of their head 2 seconds after I've told them something when this is obviously a problem that hasn't just occurred to me in the last 2 seconds and therefore don't you think if there was such an easy solution I would have already thought of it and wouldn't need to be telling you of my woes at the moment? I appreciate their desire to be helpful but usually it really isn't. I also tend to be hesitant with advice just because while I think it might be helpful I don't want to sound bossy and I don't want to assume it will work for someone else in a slightly different situation. I'm more likely to frame 'advice' in the form of relating my own problem and how I dealt with it and letting them glean what they can from that to apply it to their own situation on their own. I'll say "this is what helped me with a similar problem" rather than "this is what you need to do to fix that".


----------



## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Well I love to give advice. :kitteh: I've appreciated quality advice from ENFJ's and INFJ's in the past.


----------



## Lucyintheskyyy (Jul 25, 2013)

i love to give advice, generally.
infjs from my experience don't, they like to be on everyone's side, so they stay the fuck away.
enfjs like to give advice, but it's usually really blunt and straightforward like 'just go and call him, you idiot', or "don't do that, you will ruin it' and generally isn't that helpful and is usually condescending.
enfps, if they are anything like infos only more extroverted, will be major gossips, but I don't have experience with them that I know of.


----------



## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

I some times give "recommendations" (I 'recommend' you do this), but I don't like telling people what to do, unless it's SO obvious and they are just too blind or too stupid to see it.

Otherwise, some people's advice is good, others is bad. Depends on the person. The best advice I've ever gotten probably came from my best lady friend, an ENFP.


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Hhhmm I don't think of it as giving advice but offering varying perspectives and possibilities. Advice to me implies that I know the right thing to do in their circumstance.


----------



## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I actually think it's INFJ > INFP > ENFJ > ENFP.

To me, ENFJs like to set & promote standards or make general suggestions (which is a typcial ExxJ approach), but are less prone to giving direct advice to individuals. Interestingly, we supposedly use our aux function to "parent" others, and I find ENFJs far more likely to re-frame a situation for me in a helpful manner than an INFJ will. This helps jumpstart my Ne, so I can assign the correct weight to something.

ENFPs are more inspirers who enthuse people than giving counsel. They seem to focus on helping people see their own unique value & strengths (parenting with Fi).

INFJs can tell people what to do without it being solicited. I remember when I first started dating my ex INFJ, he would tell me what I should wear when we went somewhere. To me, this is an example of parenting with Fe - telling someone what is objectively the "right" thing to do, in this case, appropriate dress. And given that Fe is extroverted judgment & arguably the most concrete of these NF dom & aux functions, it results in the clearest & most direct form of advice. Sometimes it doesn't look like advice so much as _directing_ people.

INFPs seem VERY ready to offer advice when asked, but I agree we experience it more as offering different views or "guiding" someone to figure out how they feel & come to their own solution. Obviously, this is parenting with Ne.


----------



## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

I think it depends on the individual tbh.. I can't imagine any of the types giving a lot more advice than another- maybe INFPs might be the least inclined.

It might seem like it makes sense for ENFJs to give out the most, but in my experience they're usually far too socially clued in to try to push advice on people any more than average. Maybe that's to do with the English culture though, as I live in the UK. Maybe in a cultural environment like in certain parts of America ENFJs clock onto a different societal rhythm.


----------



## Eggsies (Feb 5, 2013)

@Tridentus

You're correct. In a one on one scenario, yeah, it'd happen. In an immediate context, if people are also present, I'd rather not bring up their personal issues. It's a preservation of dignity thing.


----------



## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

OrangeAppled said:


> Interestingly, we supposedly use our aux function to "parent" others, and I find ENFJs far more likely to re-frame a situation for me in a helpful manner than an INFJ will. This helps jumpstart my Ne, so I can assign the correct weight to something.
> 
> INFJs can tell people what to do without it being solicited. . . , this is an example of parenting with Fe - telling someone what is objectively the "right" thing to do. . . And given that Fe is extroverted judgment & arguably the most concrete of these NF dom & aux functions, it results in the clearest & most direct form of advice. Sometimes it doesn't look like advice so much as _directing_ people.


I agree, this has been my experience as well. It seems to me like they aren't even aware of how often they advise people by helpfully commenting on what should be done, or how to do it. I believe it stems, most of the time, from a natural nurturing friendliness, but can be perceived as bossy or 'too motherly'. And I think because of that motive, they can feel more easily hurt or offended when others don't take that advice because it's kind of like rejecting their good will, not just the advice itself.



> ENFPs are more inspirers who enthuse people than giving counsel. They seem to focus on helping people see their own unique value & strengths (parenting with Fi).
> 
> INFPs seem VERY ready to offer advice when asked, but I agree we experience it more as offering different views or "guiding" someone to figure out how they feel & come to their own solution. Obviously, this is parenting with Ne.


This is a good point - "_When Asked_". I think this is rather true for many many things with INFPs, they will seem quiet and closed until they are _asked_, then it turns out they have a lot to say - especially when it's something they have been thinking about for a long time or dealing with personally (we do contemplate a lot and may thus somewhat see ourselves as secret fonts of insight). I think we want to feel helpful to others so we do try to offer advice _when they indicate they want it_, but do it through providing different views or relating what worked for us to help them reach a solution that feels good to _them_. Though I think sometimes our own enthusiasm, conviction, or strength of belief in something may register to others as insisting they should do it our way. Also if we offer our perspective-advice and then someone seems to criticize or 'attack' it (or say across the board it's wrong ignoring that it obviously it DID work for us) we may become defensive and thus also appear more insistent that they should do it our way and see how we're right. But despite how convinced we may be that we know the best solution for something, I think internally we highly value leaving it in the other person's hands to choose for themselves and are anxious to make sure it doesnt sound like we're stating an ultimatum like "do it my way or else I'll be disappointed in you and say 'I told you so' and refuse to help further and resent that you didn't listen to me, etc. etc." We are eager to make sure people know we still accept them even if they don't find our advice usefull. I think we're likely to always couple our "In your shoes _I_ would do this" with "but it's up to you" because we worry about sounding bossy or like 'know it alls'.


----------



## MollyGoRound (Jan 2, 2013)

I love giving advice. I have to hold myself back! The opinions have a mind of their own! Buuut, I really only do it if I feel like it's going somewhere and it's wanted. I do talk a lot more if I'm asked. I don't know any INFJ's.


----------



## Khendjer (Oct 31, 2013)

I would say ENFJs. They're good at it, too. Personally I rarely give advice unless explicitly asked.


----------



## StaceofBass (Jul 1, 2012)

Magnesium said:


> ENFPs might give more advice that INFJs but it's normally terrible in my experience ^^



I must be an exception. I'm someone that a lot of my friends decide to come running to for help because I give good advice (and another perspective they didn't even think about)


----------



## Hails (Oct 12, 2013)

StaceofBass said:


> I must be an exception. I'm someone that a lot of my friends decide to come running to for help because I give good advice (and another perspective they didn't even think about)


Same here!


----------



## Nothing1 (Jan 22, 2014)

For me, it depends on the person and question whether or not I'll participate. If you want sympathy and coddling, I won't indulge. If your question is vague, I probably won't engage either. So unless the seeker has a specific issue and truly wants good advice regardless how it makes them feel, I won't participate.


----------



## Nothing1 (Jan 22, 2014)

OrangeAppled said:


> INFJs can tell people what to do without it being solicited. I remember when I first started dating my ex INFJ, he would tell me what I should wear when we went somewhere. To me, this is an example of parenting with Fe - telling someone what is objectively the "right" thing to do, in this case, appropriate dress.


I THINK I understand what you're saying and if so, your word choice is unintentionally deceptive/persuasive. INFJs don't usually give unsolicited advice, but an INFJ with a particular enneagram might. Also, being controlling of your partner's wardrobe isn't exclusive to any type, but may suggest enneagram, mental health, upbringing, too many factors. Maybe your ex wasn't an INFJ as the one thing you mentioned about him is reminiscent of some delta quadra types, maybe enneagram 3 or 8 and narcissism.


----------



## mandarintrees (Mar 22, 2014)

Tridentus said:


> I think it depends on the individual tbh.. I can't imagine any of the types giving a lot more advice than another- maybe INFPs might be the least inclined.
> 
> It might seem like it makes sense for ENFJs to give out the most, but in my experience they're usually far too socially clued in to try to push advice on people any more than average. Maybe that's to do with the English culture though, as I live in the UK. Maybe in a cultural environment like in certain parts of America ENFJs clock onto a different societal rhythm.


Being a Polish-born American ENFJ, I'd say this is pretty spot-on. 
I try not to give advice because essentially, advice-giving means assuming a position in another's life-- ironically, my advice is to do your best to figure it out in your own time.  But I will guide when asked.


----------

