# Imaginary Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Other/Husband/Waifu etc.



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

NIHM said:


> Your inner critic is telling you what society wants you to think is a stable perfect human being. I've got news for that little bugger, there is no such thing as perfect. Do you and if that activity makes you happy, there is nothing wrong with it unless you do it in excess as I described in my above post. But I think you guys are so quick to reply that I didn't have time to edit and add it.
> 
> It went like this.
> 
> "Don't let that inner gremlin voice boss you around. Once you hit 40 you start to realize the productivity everyone wants to shove down your throat as being the ultimate human form is just some sensor judging "this is the proper thing to do, to be like us." Just do what makes your brain feel happy, if that's spending the time conversing about theory on an online forum because you're looking for academic social stimulation I don't see anything wrong with that. If it prevents you from eating, sleeping, and being able to do bodily functions then yeah you might want to take a break from the activity. I'm more of the mindset that you're pretty darn awesome and stable even if you have a bossy imaginary boyfriend, so fuck it and do what you want. If my husband ever told me to stay off a forum during my break or downtime while I watch him watch youtube videos during his downtime we would have words. Don't let your imaginary bf be so controlling and negative. This is your enjoyment. "


lol I think I need to get that paragraph tattooed to my forehead! I don't want to forget it. I've been spending more time trying to focus on gratitude and taking time to think about the things I appreciate, and so maybe focusing on this kind of idea will also help over time.

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@CountZero I suspect some part of my inner critic came from my mom who I think is an STJ. I wonder if it's particularly Si and Te, as @NIHM pointed out it is sensor judging, and for Fi/Ne it's maybe a particular type of nagging inner critic if you have an STJ role model.

But so far it is working to replace and instead talk to a figure like my animus, I guess, rather than an inner critic or a disapproving parent. And he is pretty laid back and supportive--good thing he's just imaginary, poor guy. I would feel bad putting a real human through my own struggle with my routine.  I think he transcends any type too.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

@WickerDeer Oddly enough, one problem a lot of people have difficulty with is treating themselves with the same gentleness and compassion they treat others. It's surprisingly tough for some of us, yet absolutely necessary.


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## NIHM (Mar 24, 2014)

CountZero said:


> @WickerDeer Oddly enough, one problem a lot of people have difficulty with is treating themselves with the same gentleness and compassion they treat others. It's surprisingly tough for some of us, yet absolutely necessary.


Yeah, I took until I was in my mid-thirties to love myself. Like I don't know where this model of you're a horrible person if you don't like your body and person that you've become that was taught to the boomers. My perspective changed when that started to be ingrained in me that it was ok to be me. Not everyone is going to be like me or like me but having different minds in this world benefits us as a group. I was raised by an ISTJ too. Once I made her realize I was ok and not some fragile thing she and I now understand each other and respect each other. My Te has also strengthened a lot in the last 7 years so I'm more easily able to say fuck off to people I don't care for or like. This would have been unthinkable in my early thirties. Someone stated to me my main type is ENFP but my subtype is probably ENTJ because of that strong Te rising from the ashes.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

CountZero said:


> @Eren Jaegerbomb Mr. Darcy no doubt …


Nope @NIHM 

But yeah sure... We'll keep it that way. 😉


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Yeah, inner critic can be harsh. I'm a 6, so my inner critic takes the form of projecting what I think _other people_ might be thinking about me, but its often just my own superego. It makes no sense sometimes. Like sometimes I'll be projecting that my friends in my friend group are concerned that I'm smoking too much weed. But isn't that the height of irony, considering my friends are all very weed friendly, and a couple of them smoke much more weed than I do. Plus my ladies Osa and Nia are very supportive. lmao


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

WickerDeer said:


> What do you think about imaginary friends/other-relationships as an adult?
> 
> Have you ever had an imaginary bf/gf?
> 
> ...



I had an imaginary friend when I was 4. His name was Jimmy. I have never had one since. I prefer the real thing when it comes to people.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

NIHM said:


> No, the reality is so much better. I know @ENFPathetic talked about this and it stuck with me. The reality of his smell, of my fingers gliding over the skin. The heat and arousal of a real encounter are pretty fantastic for me. Like that first time you hold hands, someone just running their finger down your inner thigh. All the make believing in the world doesn't feel the same as the real thing. Some people can say I have my head in the clouds in daydreams but I'm very aware of what is real and what is not. Even though reality can be painful at times and messy, I would much rather live in it. However, I still do daydream a lot.


I remember discussing something similar to this with friends after they watched a video of some guy who had an intimate relationship with a doll. What if we developed the tech and materials so that dolls looked identical to humans and had super advanced AI.

My opinion remains the same as yours, even if circumstances were as described in the above paragraph. It is the balance between the predictable and unpredictable aspects of a person's behaviour that keep us hooked and tantalised. No matter how much time you spend with someone or how intimate you become with them, you will never truly know them because they are ever-changing and every time you think you have them worked out, they will surprise you in one way or another.

No matter how advanced the technology, it is ultimately limited by the fact that it will need a human to program it. And unlike the human that programs it, the doll is not ever-changing and will remain dull and predictable until it receives it's next programming at which point it will become interesting again for a short while at best.

I believe imaginary relationships have similar limitations. You can create a character in your mind and it may bring you more comfort than anyone else can, as they will be more predictable than anyone else can be. But what you gain in comfort you will lose twofold in excitement because for that you will need an element of unpredictability.

I don't know if it's wrong to have an imaginary friend or not. I can see it being beneficial if you remain aware of the fact that this friend is not real. For example, you long for the comfort of a companion but only have idiots in your vicinity. It's hard for me to properly empathise as I've never had an imaginary friend.

I can also see it being dangerous if you start to blur the line between what is real and what is not. I don't know how much concern is reasonable in such a situation. I still remember the day I made my niece kill her imaginary horse. I fear I made a mistake and for the longest I was worried if it might cause her some trauma. I ask her about it every now and then and she laughs at me saying she doesn't care and that she feels silly for thinking that it was real. I still think what I did was wrong. Surely there was a better way to handle the situation, but at the time, I couldn't shake off the fear that she might be going crazy and if I didn't act right there and then, I would regret it later.

Overall, I think predictable = comforting. Unpredictable = Exciting. Whether our individual preference leans more towards comfort or excitement, we still need at least a little of the other.

The closest thing I've had to an imaginary friend is I remember making up fantasy stories to friends when I was real little and it would entertain them. I still remember the story about gloves falling from the sky that could give you the powers of a super saiyan. The imaginary gloves weren't exciting for me, but they were incredibly exciting to my audience. What I found exciting was the look on their faces. So I guess I think someone's imaginary friend would probably be far more interesting to others than they would to the person who imagined them.

@NIHM I think you're well positioned to answer this since you're a writer. Who's more excited about the characters in your stories? You or the people who read them? Maybe I'm wrong to think that imaginary friends can't be exciting. Are the characters you write ever exciting to you?


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## UpClosePersonal (Apr 18, 2014)

I think the more important questions are these:

Is it healthy to your mental health to harbor a completely imaginary friend (gf or bf)? 
I can't imagine it to be. 

And if there are people who do entertain imaginary friends, are they mentally healthy?

The mind is a tool to help us make sense of the reality around us (the MBTI is a summary of how we do that) 
It's not to create the reality.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

UpClosePersonal said:


> I think the more important questions are these:
> 
> Is it healthy to your mental health to harbor a completely imaginary friend (gf or bf)?
> I can't imagine it to be.
> ...


I think people could argue that religious beliefs could be "imaginary" and they are considered healthy and normal. 

An imaginary friend would probably just be considered weird because it's usually a whole society or community gets together to imagine something like Santa Claus. 

And perhaps an imaginary friend is mentally healthy if it is benefiting your life--like helping you feel better when stressed, feel more motivated, or have someone to talk to and feel less alone. And also imaginary friends cannot really be hurt or hurt others, so in some ways they are safer than people.


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## UpClosePersonal (Apr 18, 2014)

WickerDeer said:


> I think people could argue that religious beliefs could be "imaginary" and they are considered healthy and normal.
> 
> An imaginary friend would probably just be considered weird because it's usually a whole society or community gets together to imagine something like Santa Claus.
> 
> And perhaps an imaginary friend is mentally healthy if it is benefiting your life--like helping you feel better when stressed, feel more motivated, or have someone to talk to and feel less alone. And also imaginary friends cannot really be hurt or hurt others, so in some ways they are safer than people.


For some reason a belief in religion is heathier because more than one person is involved and it therefore becomes a matter of understanding a reality outside of yourself.

Santa Claus is a marketing scheme and if you carry the belief in him into adulthood, you should probably see a therapist.

What does you more good? Staying inside of yourself or venturing out into the real world. While human relationships are flawed they almost always benefit you in the long run by realigning you with reality.


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

I'm currently in love with is an imaginary construct and have been since 1998. She's based on an actual person, but Isn't the person in actuality. She's both my blessing and my curse. She's the first thing I think of when I go to sleep and she's the last face I see when I open my eyes. And I don't expect anyone to understand it. I've just learned to accept it.


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## NIHM (Mar 24, 2014)

I would also like to preface that for some reason I can detect men who don't want a serious relationship with a mate, therefore, turns me off. Like Maverick when I was young was sexy, now not sexy and undateable. Same for fictional characters like Picard or Batman. It's like a switch gets turned off in my brain if this behavior starts to manifest. Not sure if it's a computer-like response in my head but this behavior is pretty quick at getting me not to like a personality. Someone in love with an idea that's not you is not dateable, therefore no lust happens. I don't think too long or hard about the choice.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

WickerDeer said:


> What do you think about imaginary friends/other-relationships as an adult?


Imaginary= Not real? No thanks but, to each their own.


WickerDeer said:


> Celeb crushes--are they similar?


One pompous A-hole for another full of their self? 
No, either they are or they are not. 



WickerDeer said:


> Have you ever
> Have had an imaginary bf/gf?


No-See above.



WickerDeer said:


> Celeb crushes--are they similar?


No. They may play a part/sing a song or whatever but, I do not know them as a person. They are just over hyped people imo I am sure it would depend on their personality. Someone could look like Brad Pitt and I could be repulsed by a shitty personality or character.



WickerDeer said:


> If you do have one--what are they like?


See above. What I would like in a person? A real person with good values and ethics and does not give a f*** about other people's opinions?



WickerDeer said:


> If you were to design an imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend, what would they be like?


Honest, direct and softer than I am. Innate quality of when to give space and not?



WickerDeer said:


> Do you have other imaginary friends or characters as an adult that you talk to?


Nope. No issues with ones that do. Not my life or place to judge.



WickerDeer said:


> I'm really curious about this. Jung had some personality he talked to in the Red Book or something? People have celeb crushes that they don't know. Some people probably have imaginary friends or lovers. Has it ever been good for you as an adult?


See above.



WickerDeer said:


> Did it ever interfere in dating real people?


Real people? All people are either real or not~ no matter politically correct/socially perceived standards. That is not a fake bunch of BS. Do they add value to my life ...should be the question. No= Idngaf who you are.



WickerDeer said:


> bh I want an imaginary boyfriend, so I want to come up with ideas for it as I've not had one.


Good luck. Coming up with a pros or cons list seems to be a viable option?


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

@WickerDeer Keep on being a...


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