# What is this INTJ girl trying to tell me?



## incarnation (Oct 4, 2015)

So i have this girl friend for a couple months and i love her and she knows it already. She is constantly making me jealous by talking about other guys. e.g (Oh! This guy from my class is really cute and he wants to go out with me, or she would just printscreen some photo of her phone texts that she is having with some guy and she would say oh! he is so sweet! e.t.c. I already said to her that i don't really care about those stuffs and i tell her to stop saying those things to me coz i'm jealous but she just keeps doing it all day long lol. I don't know if she is trying to tease me or trying to tell me somethin with this. I used to tell her like " You know what, why don't you give it a try with this guy?", " Why don't you get out with that cute guy and see what that can happen?" and after i say that she just says meh.. he is not that cute after all or she would say he is actually boring and then she just stop talking and block them. She has been doing this for a couple days and she always and always tell me about this guys... When i tell her that i love her and give her compliments she just don't say anything and she is not even that shy to be honest. We have been talking pretty much every single day since we've met eachother and she is the one who always initiate the conversations. She text and calls me a lot and for i know already about INTJ's they do not usually initiate conversations and don't talk 24/7 with someone like this. *Is this girl trying to mess my head, trying to tell me something? Or am i just in this huge friend zone?*


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## Exquisitor (Sep 15, 2015)

You mean Socionics INTj? I'm not as familiar with it, but I do test consistently as an INTj as well as an MBTI INTJ, and the description makes sense to me. 

It sounds like she doesn't see you that way, or she'd tell you about it. From my experience, when an INTJ/INTj is ambivalent about you, they'll seem pretty vague, if you don't know what to look for; but when they really like you (or really dislike you) they're pretty damn clear about it. She probably has confidence issues, if you've really typed her correctly, because that's pretty indirect/immature behaviour as you've described it, and normally we try to communicate clearly and straightforwardly.

I wouldn't waste too much emotional energy on someone who was acting like that, to be honest. But if you really care about her, confront her straight on about how she's acting and ask her to explain why. Be direct, but not accusatory, and make it clear that you're finding it hard to interpret the way she's acting and just want to make sure you're on the same page. Hopefully she'll give you a straightforward answer.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

Er... she doesn't sound like either INTj or INTp. Both of these types are very private and even if they have constant crushes on random guys, they wouldn't tell people about it.

Whatever type she is, you're wasting your time there if you are in love with her but she's not in love with you. If she seriously wanted to be friends with you, she wouldn't tell you all this stuff about those guys knowing that it will hurt you.


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## To_august (Oct 13, 2013)

I'm not too keen on romance styles, but this sounds like infantile/aggressor focus on some static element and stemming from this drive to shake up things from time to time. Also, _probably _ethician.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

You guys have far more patience than I do. Poorly formatted text block... MBTI stereotyping tendencies... I can't read this right now. :kitteh:


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

I agree with to_august. This is how Se leads work, especially SEEs. Definitely not LII nor ILI. This is typically how gamma SFs try to create interest in their dual because they will feign disinterest which will annoy the SF, because they want a reaction of some sort that suggests attachment. Fe PoLR won't do this, so they will keep coming up with ways to instigate interest in the other person through feelings of jealousy and the like. You already failed the test if you said to her that you're feeling jealous because it means you're not chase material. No fun chasing someone who so readily admits to their feelings. Assuming she's indeed a gamma SF either way.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Essentially, with victim/aggressor, there's a desire for the victim to want to be won. You are pitted against other prospects but out of all of them, because you are the most inaccessible, you become chosen. Especially with gamma, there's a very standoffish attitude in the ILI at least, though probably in the LIE too, which relates to an emotional withholding. Because Se doms want to possess their environment feeling like it's theirs and the most exaggerated in gamma SFs because of Se being blocked with ethics, this in particular concerns people and relationships. Thus the SF and especially the SEE wants to feel like they possess the people around them, to own them. Victim types resist this, especially gamma NTs. When the SEE makes a move like this ,the ILI in particular will resist it. Why should I care for you and your boy friends? I have no relationship to them and I don't like them. They may try to instigate an emotional reaction but it triggers the PoLR so the ILI will just flatly refuse because they know what's expected because they can predict it, but won't do it. It creates a tension because from the pov of the SEE, why aren't they doing how I want? This resistance becomes interesting because they're not used to people resisting in this passive way of simply being insular. It compels interest because how could this grey boring person not do what I want? So it becomes this cat and mouse game. The point lies in the resistance. You should resist her efforts to get a reaction out of you, because when she can't tell how you feel she will try to find ways to get closer so she can.


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## Alpha_Orionis (Jan 18, 2015)

Based on what you described, she does not seem very INTJish to me. In my experience, myself and other INTJs i know, would not easily speak about the people that they are attracted too, nor would we always initiate a conversation. 
What i can take form this is that she is a person that has a high need of approval, and needs constant attention. Now,i might be wrong about this but i think it is going bordeline with Histrionic personality disorder. But, once again, i might be wrong.


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## Typhon (Nov 13, 2012)

This girl sounds like a psycho, I'd dump her if I were you. I had an LSI-Se girlfriend(in what was my first and last LDR experience...) do this type of stuff to me, she would always tell she talked to some guy and that these guys where hitting on her etc. I never understood why she did it, I guess she was just trying to make me jealous. I dumped her soon after _she _​told me she had cheated.


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## Jeremy8419 (Mar 2, 2015)

I have no socionics information to offer you, but I can tell you my perspective. Whether or not this perspective is true, I know not. From what you write, this is what I hear, though I may be deaf to you or her. Often you two are _physically together_, you tell her that _you love her_, she does not say "I love you" (quotations for a reason) back, she then tells you that she may do something that makes you two _no longer physically together_, you then tell her _I don't care if we are physically together_, and she says "meh...nevermind." But what do I hear "meh...nevermind" as? _You are still physically together_. Some people in this world are "good" with words but "bad" at other things, and some people are "bad" at words and "good" with other things. Regardless of which of you is "good" or "bad" at what in your eyes, her eyes, or anyone else's eyes... The fact remains... You say "I love you," she says some stuff, you say some stuff, she says "meh", and the two of you are still physically together. You tell her that you love her, and she tells you back. Whether you can hear it or not, or whether her love is even really the form of love you want or not, is an entirely different matter. You are still physically together. Sometimes opening yourself up, despite our apparent desire to do so, enough to really listen to others, is the most difficult thing to do. In life, some people ask questions, and some people give answers, but both of these things are speaking, and neither one of them is listening. Take a step back, put your own self aside and on the line, and ask yourself... Am I listening? And do I even want to?

I once knew a girl that I knew I loved. Over and over she never said it back. Over and over she stabbed my heart. Late one night, in a fit of rage, we verbally tore each other down in every way we could, and before we coldly parted ways, the unexpected... With the most serene and sincere heart that I have ever felt, she looked me dead in the eyes, and she told me she loved me. It was at this moment that I realized I never once in all that time heard a single thing she said. How do I know this? Because for as much as I am certain of the fact that she truly does love me, even to this day... I am certain that at that moment in time, that I could not for any power in my being say "I love you back," because she did love me and did hear me, and knew about me that which I never knew, that she never told me she loved me before, because she loved me... And she knew my love was never true.

I appreciated your posts, and thank you for allowing me to tell my story. I forget about it probably more than I should. Take care.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

incarnation said:


> So i have this girl friend for a couple months and i love her and she knows it already. She is constantly making me jealous by talking about other guys. e.g (Oh! This guy from my class is really cute and he wants to go out with me, or she would just printscreen some photo of her phone texts that she is having with some guy and she would say oh! he is so sweet! e.t.c. I already said to her that i don't really care about those stuffs and i tell her to stop saying those things to me coz i'm jealous but she just keeps doing it all day long lol. I don't know if she is trying to tease me or trying to tell me somethin with this. I used to tell her like " You know what, why don't you give it a try with this guy?", " Why don't you get out with that cute guy and see what that can happen?" and after i say that she just says meh.. he is not that cute after all or she would say he is actually boring and then she just stop talking and block them. She has been doing this for a couple days and she always and always tell me about this guys... When i tell her that i love her and give her compliments she just don't say anything and she is not even that shy to be honest. We have been talking pretty much every single day since we've met eachother and she is the one who always initiate the conversations. She text and calls me a lot and for i know already about INTJ's they do not usually initiate conversations and don't talk 24/7 with someone like this. *Is this girl trying to mess my head, trying to tell me something? Or am i just in this huge friend zone?*


Step one: plan in advance when you will see this mindfucking chick next. Make sure you will be alone with ample conversation time. 

Step two: Wear something that shows off your best assets (eyes, hair, bod). If a woman has ever told you "I like x_" or "this is hot about you" then take full advantage of that and put it on display. I don't care if it's your butt. Wear the skinny jeans that show it off. You get my point. Be hot.

Step three: hottify your mind. In order to accomplish the woman-mind-bending protocol I am about to bequeath to you, you must mentally prepare yourself. Get yourself into a key-strobe alpha state of mind. Watch that testosterone filled movie that makes you want to pump weights. Pump weights. Go bro it out in a mosh pit the night before. Meditate on your qui. Don't fap for several days leading up to this. Get aggro. Lock the aggro up inside of you like a genie in a bottle that's threatening to uncork like a martini, shaken, not stirred.

Step four: the day of the meeting arrives. She waltzes in with her glib INTJ mindfuck "blah blah other men luuuve me" routine. Translation: you will hear "other men are going to bone me if you don't get your act together and do it first. I'm begging you, step up your game." When she says the name of some other sorry sucker just smile and ignore her. Don't tell her your jealous. Jealousy is for boys who would deign to call themselves men. Just nod like Putin at the UN council: Putin sees through their bullshit, Putin knows. 

Step five: after allowing her to rattle for about a half hour begin the moves. The moves consist of leaning in close and listening, nodding your head, smiling, not letting her get to you. At some point you are going lock eyes with her. She's going to be like "waaa?" and pretend she doesn't know what's going on. Keep your eyes locked on her. These locked eyes will communicate two things:
a) you're a predator
b) you're DTF

After your eyes are locked and she will do one of two things:
a) fidget uncomfertably and look away 
or,
b) return the gaze.

If b, (she returns your gaze )you know she wants your schlepple. Don't let her back out now. You're going to go in for a kiss. Not like some mamsy-pamsy kiss. You are going to firmly take this chick by the back of her neck, wrap your other arm around her and draw her in like she's water, or a steak, or water. You get the idea. You are going to put your lips on hers and enjoy yourself. You are going to let her know that you're enjoying yourself by making a manly grunt that says you're pleased with her body. Chicks love knowing that men are pleased with them. As you kiss her and draw her in you are going to begin rubbing your hands on her neck, exploring the mild eroginous zones until she squirms. Don't give it to her right away. Hold her in suspense, keep kissing her for 5-10 minutes. If you feel comfertable and she's returning the favor then you might consider pinning her against the wall. Lightly of course. You don't want to get rape-y but you also want her to know that you are trying to prevent that inner beast from unleashing himself on her. Chicks dig that kind of tension. Amp it up and then uncorck the genie. Deliver the aggro to her little bod and release the man cracken in your pants.

however, If she looks away from you (a) and fidgets uncomfortably keep your eyes locked on her but don't go in for a kiss. Reach out your hand and brush the hair from the side of her face gently, almost lovingly, as if you know she's a delicate flower who just needs some gentle man rain to bring her back to life. 
She will either protest or shy away. If she shies away then keep playing, very lightly with her hair and tell her: 
"You know this little game we're playing is turning me on. You're one of the most desirable women I know." 
She will either respond wittily or deny everything. At that point you can either keep pushing past the half-denial rejection by alpha-ing her in variations of the manner described or,
simply turn away, shrug and say, as you adjust your belt:
"you know that I want you ___....but I'm not going to beg you. You can have all those little guys or you can have me. It's your choice" 
and then walk out the room. 

Either way you will have p00wned and owned her.

And read this article to get a better idea of what women want.



....god, my mind is a filthy place....


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

incarnation said:


> So i have this girl friend for a couple months and i love her and she knows it already. She is constantly making me jealous by talking about other guys. e.g (Oh! This guy from my class is really cute and he wants to go out with me, or she would just printscreen some photo of her phone texts that she is having with some guy and she would say oh! he is so sweet! e.t.c. I already said to her that i don't really care about those stuffs and i tell her to stop saying those things to me coz i'm jealous but she just keeps doing it all day long lol. I don't know if she is trying to tease me or trying to tell me somethin with this. I used to tell her like " You know what, why don't you give it a try with this guy?", " Why don't you get out with that cute guy and see what that can happen?" and after i say that she just says meh.. he is not that cute after all or she would say he is actually boring and then she just stop talking and block them. She has been doing this for a couple days and she always and always tell me about this guys... When i tell her that i love her and give her compliments she just don't say anything and she is not even that shy to be honest. We have been talking pretty much every single day since we've met eachother and she is the one who always initiate the conversations. She text and calls me a lot and for i know already about INTJ's they do not usually initiate conversations and don't talk 24/7 with someone like this. *Is this girl trying to mess my head, trying to tell me something? Or am i just in this huge friend zone?*


she's not INTJ


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## Verity (Aug 2, 2014)

incarnation said:


> So i have this girl friend for a couple months and i love her and she knows it already. She is constantly making me jealous by talking about other guys. e.g (Oh! This guy from my class is really cute and he wants to go out with me, or she would just printscreen some photo of her phone texts that she is having with some guy and she would say oh! he is so sweet! e.t.c. I already said to her that i don't really care about those stuffs and i tell her to stop saying those things to me coz i'm jealous but she just keeps doing it all day long lol. I don't know if she is trying to tease me or trying to tell me somethin with this. I used to tell her like " You know what, why don't you give it a try with this guy?", " Why don't you get out with that cute guy and see what that can happen?" and after i say that she just says meh.. he is not that cute after all or she would say he is actually boring and then she just stop talking and block them. She has been doing this for a couple days and she always and always tell me about this guys... When i tell her that i love her and give her compliments she just don't say anything and she is not even that shy to be honest. We have been talking pretty much every single day since we've met eachother and she is the one who always initiate the conversations. She text and calls me a lot and for i know already about INTJ's they do not usually initiate conversations and don't talk 24/7 with someone like this. *Is this girl trying to mess my head, trying to tell me something? Or am i just in this huge friend zone?*


I think you should straight up ask her why she's acting like that if it's seriously bothering you. Do not resist reacting emotionally if it feels natural for you to do so. Trying to understand why using Socionics or similar can have uses, but if you want to get closer to her, honesty is the only way. Imho.

And for the record, several people have done this to me, and I've never understood why or even questioned it, which has only led to them percieving me as boring , which I am. So nothing lost there.


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## Typhon (Nov 13, 2012)

sweetraglansweater said:


> Step one: plan in advance when you will see this mindfucking chick next. Make sure you will be alone with ample conversation time.
> 
> Step two: Wear something that shows off your best assets (eyes, hair, bod). If a woman has ever told you "I like x_" or "this is hot about you" then take full advantage of that and put it on display. I don't care if it's your butt. Wear the skinny jeans that show it off. You get my point. Be hot.
> 
> ...


I love your posts.


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