# Do you look people in the eyes when talking to them?



## Sir Kanra (Jun 27, 2017)

Yes. I stare into their soul.


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## incision (May 23, 2010)

Usually unless it makes them uncomfortable, assuming that I want them to be comfortable, that is. There are times where discomfort can be advantageous and if so:


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## 481450 (Aug 13, 2017)

Fuck you mom, I'm not making eye contact!


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## Senah (Oct 17, 2017)

It is an interesting question, but important to note very Euro/Western-centric. For example, in Native American culture it is traditionally considered rude to make eye contact when speaking with elders and in many cases people who are outsiders or those not close to you. 

From the hyperlink above, this is speaking about the risk of mis-identifying something like autism for what is a normal cultural practice:

_"Other cultural practices also make room for cognitive difference. Autism isn’t seen as an issue like in western culture. A typical symptom of autism is lack of eye contact, but in Native American culture lack of eye contact is seen as paying the utmost respect for your elders. It is common in conversation for people to be looking at the sky, the ground, anywhere but the eyes of the person you are directly addressing.[14] Much of this has to do with the child rearing practices of Native Americans—there is very little emphasis on conformity. A child is allowed to do whatever they want as long as they are contributing to the overall community in some way. The level of tolerance for “deviant” behavior is much larger because there is no real range of “good” behavior a child is supposed to emulate or conform to."_


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

Well since the poll is for casual conversations with people I'm comfortable with, I'd say it depends on what we're talking about. I generally look at them intently when listening (unless I'm doing something else or we're in the car etc.) but when talking, I only do so if we're teasing each other, I'm telling them something that won't take long or whatever. You get the idea. If I'm going into a long, in depth explanation about something or we're having a conversation that requires me to think more, my eyes move all around because it helps me think. I don't hold the person's gaze until I'm finished.

INFJ


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## Daiz (Jan 4, 2017)

Depends. One on one? Yeah. In a group situation, not so much. I'll do it when they're talking but not when I'm talking. I hate it.


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## shinedowness (Dec 11, 2017)

I'd only make eye contact most of the time with SO and close friend if I could. Otherwise, I'd just make eye contact with other friends, acquaintances, and such with some eye contact to little eye contact as much as possible. Some people think you are asking for competition or being rude if you look at them after some seconds have passed. I don't really get it and think it can hinder learning and understanding as some people are visual learners or deaf that they have a hard time remembering what you're saying if they can't look at you. Also, it can be obnoxious to not let someone look at you when you're talking when they have a hearing disability.


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## vhaydenlv (May 3, 2017)

No, I think I used to more when I was younger but then I stopped, anxiety and all that. I can't look at someone when I'm talking, it makes me too nervous to think properly. When someone's talking to me I can look at them only if they're not looking back at me. I'm trying to change that because I feel it gives me a 'I don't care about you' vib but it's very hard.


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## BugFolk (Nov 4, 2017)

I'm on the autism spectrum, so eye contact doesn't come easy...but I discovered a few things recently that I hope may help others who are struggling.

1. I've noticed when I am unaware, I'll make eye contact, but then have to look away as soon as I become aware.

2. I grew up with the idea of "social stories" and taught the skill of using imagination. I tried to make it an effort to visualize and relate to personal experience, try to feel emotion. (trying to force FiNe)

3. When I realized I may actually be a NiFe user, I did a trick where I just let the imagination part go into background mode and see how I interact with people without trying to force images in my mind.
Putting my imagination in passive mode allowed me to focus better in conversation and I discovered eye contact became more natural, I made facial expressions, and I felt less stress, didn't have to look away as much. I noticed a improvement in conversation in general, both sides. I could read their emotions too.
If I go back into trying to generate imaginary scenes and stuff, I notice this again takes away a bit of my ability to do eye contact. I revert back to having to look away when I become aware.

I'm sure I was doing #3 on a subconscious level time to time, but when I made it become conscious, that was when I made the connection.

------

I don't know how much my personal experience can help other people, but I found it interesting. It backs up a hypothesis I've been floating in my mind for some time that autism is a communication disconnection between 1. Self and 2. Outward. It may be possible to develop functions that aren't the most efficient, but do the job enough to get by. But if more efficient functions are found it becomes more natural.

Now if this can be tested with other people, it would be interesting to see if similar results are produced.


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

I'm not very good at making eye contact with people. Looking into people's eyes is like looking at the sun to me, it's just so bright and glaring to me, and it hurts my eyes just to look into it. 

I'm probably a really weird/eccentric version of INFJ, I actually lacked the social skills that INFJs usually have. I'm not very good at reading social situations, not very good at making eye contact etc.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

(Few) thing(s) factor into whether or not I "look specimens" in the eyes -

Ex;

_The relationship with (X)-specimen 

The intensity of said eye-contact

The eye color/eye shape - facial disfiguration - symmetry - aesthetic - hygiene

The (time) passed before looking elsewhere
_

All I have noticed have _subtle effects_ on distinct types of specimen(s): 


For neutral humanoids/strangers that demonstrate little social-hositility - eye contact is made. (Ex; Medium to low intensity - "contact" held 4-5 seconds before release).



For non-neutralized socially dominant possibly / socially-hostile / demonstrably high-degrees of social-intelligence: chances increased - eye contact is made :: High intensity - contact held 6-8 seconds during all conversational stimulus - (or until the specimen diverts eyes and/or demonstrates bodily ease). _Failure to comply _outside of formal matters results in termination of interest.



For familiarized specimens (Ex; familial / associates), etc, (_Very low _intensity :: minimal to no eye contact is made unless necessary - 1-3 seconds).


For socially submissive-specimen(s) low social intelligence / demonstrates inabillity to maintain or make eye contact etc, (Medium intensity to low - eye contact is made :: (3-5 seconds) - or 1-3 seconds depending on if eyes ever meet. Failure to engage signals rudeness, termination of conversation (&) my departure.


For _un_desireable possible specimen(s) demonstrating romantic interest/culpilation interests - or et al, (depending on the humanoid) - Very low, to no eye contact is made - (low to medium intensity dependent on hosility levels to pursue) - any contact made is held 1 second or less. Depending on the humanoid - eye contact with medium to high intensity ex; 3-4 second(s) held disperses the specimen once disinterest is verbalized - lack of eye contact is a sign of submissiveness, thus increasing more (dominant male specimen(s)) to continue pursuing and/or harrass/pester.


For desirable humanoids demonstrating romantic/culpilation interest(s) - eye contact is made and maintained (for male specimens: medium to very high intensity or very low intensity depending on humanoid - 4-5 second connectivity - (for female specimens - medium to low intensity (3-4 second connectivty).

Children/non-agents/animals et al - (little to no eye contact is made - depending on the chlid, more annoying/pestering children get a meaner gaze). Non-pestering children (very low intensity - soft gaze). Minimal to no eye contact made with animals ex; personalized animals (re: pets) eye contact varies.


Second(s) also vary depending other distractions stated above; "grey eyes" (vs) "brown eyes,".

Com.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

My eyes goes straight for the boobs so no.


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## Rydori (Aug 7, 2017)

ENTJudgement said:


> My eyes goes straight for the boobs so no.


But Asian girls have no boobs.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

Brick said:


> But Asian girls have no boobs.


Exactly, I'm starring and thinking why she doesn't have any.


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## Soul Kitchen (May 15, 2016)

Avoiding eye contact is a characteristic of Autism. That's not to say you're Autistic by default if you avoid eye contact, but it's worth considering.


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## Senah (Oct 17, 2017)

Soul Kitchen said:


> Avoiding eye contact is a characteristic of Autism. That's not to say you're Autistic by default if you avoid eye contact, but it's worth considering.


Still, only 1% of the world's population is estimated to have ASD (not even Autism, but Autism Spectrum Disorder), so I would certainly hesitate to jump to that conclusion.

There are a lot of other reasons why someone might not want to make eye contact (personality, social convention, personal experience/history).


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## Cal (Sep 29, 2017)

Brick said:


> But *Asian girls have no boobs.*
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Soul Kitchen (May 15, 2016)

Senah said:


> Still, only 1% of the world's population is estimated to have ASD (not even Autism, but Autism Spectrum Disorder), so I would certainly hesitate to jump to that conclusion.
> 
> There are a lot of other reasons why someone might not want to make eye contact (personality, social convention, personal experience/history).


I was using Autism as shorthand for ASD as a whole, thus also bringing Asperger's into the fold.

I acknowledge that there are other explanations for an avoidance of eye contact. It was just one explanation that came to mind.


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## Sky_Nova_20 (Sep 10, 2017)

Sometimes, but most of the time, I don't really look at people when I talk to them. I only do it when necessary (which is rare), such as understanding the most important details they're mentioning, but I usually look downwards on the floor and forget what I'm actually doing.


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## BranchMonkey (Feb 23, 2017)

I didn't see my choice on the poll, but I have a bad cold so maybe I missed it.

I often look at people when they talk, but less often I look at them when I talk, because I pick up what they're feeling and it throws me off. 

So I learned if the subject is important, and I want to make my thoughts clear and stay on track, I look away from their eyes--assuming I am comfortable having a deep conversation with someone. 

Otherwise I keep it light and don't have to look away because, hey, we're talking about favorite dog breeds or when the other person planted his tomatoes, etcetera.

Answer, then: It depends...


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