# Which is the most selfish type?



## selfinsufficient (Jun 30, 2010)

In your opinion which type is most likely to be selfish? I am trying to figure out which type my boyfriend is.


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## O_o (Oct 22, 2011)

Oh boy is this question difficult. 
There can be so many different types for different reasons. In what ways are they selfish, for what reasons are they selfish, what aren't they willing to sacrifice which makes them selfish? I think what one considers to be selfish in the first place depends on their own type, while someone of another type may not see the actions/person as being selfish at all. 
And just friendly advice, I wouldn't try to figure out your bfs type based off of this quality. I doubt you'll find accurate results.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

I think most people are selfish to some degree.


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## selfinsufficient (Jun 30, 2010)

I have it pretty much figured out that he is a TJ. I am leaning towards S as opposed to N. Are STJ's known for being particularly less understanding and compassionate?


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## O_o (Oct 22, 2011)

silviemess said:


> I have it pretty much figured out that he is a TJ. I am leaning towards S as opposed to N. Are STJ's known for being particularly less understanding and compassionate?


Openly? I'd say yes. Especially from an INFPs point of view, I believe.


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## Avir (Aug 19, 2013)

ESTP females could be really selfish. They they seem to have the need to have their own way more than any other typr. However I haven't noticed this in ESTP males. 

Sexist as a post would ever get mine was.


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## xlr8r (Aug 14, 2013)

silviemess said:


> In your opinion which type is most likely to be selfish? I am trying to figure out which type my boyfriend is.


Should we deduce you have chosen a very selfish boyfriend? And they say women do not fall for bad boys. :tongue:

If he loves you, definitely not an INTJ.


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## RWK (Jul 14, 2013)

silviemess said:


> I have it pretty much figured out that he is a TJ. I am leaning towards S as opposed to N. Are STJ's known for being particularly less understanding and compassionate?


Coming from an ISTJ who has experiences with ESTJ's, a lot of us tend to come across less understanding and compassionate because we won't tolerate excuses to the extent a lot of other people do. However I would not say being less understanding and compassionate is the same as being selfish. You can have the best interests of others in mind while still being strict, so that doesn't necessarily mean selfish.


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## Azelll (Jan 19, 2011)

i honestly think INFPs can be emotionally selfish


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## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

ENTJ hands down.


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## rbs326 (Jul 19, 2013)

Your boyfriend, being a T rather than an F, would probably come off as being less understanding of your emotions simply because they are not what he uses to make decision, and while emotions are probably still important to him, this might make it difficult for him to understand more. I think that the best thing to do to get him to seem more compassionate would be to openly and honestly tell him when you feel like he's not taking your emotions into account or understanding what you're trying to say.


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## Van Meter (Sep 28, 2012)

I think that's a wrong approach and doesn't do justice to the diversity of people within a type, and a variety of factors outside of the theory that contribute to selfish character. I sort of found your premise funny, the way you put it, haha.

I would say anyone with tert/inferior Fi might appear selfish in the most apparent way, although it might not objectively be any more selfish than say inferior Ti or Te. Everyone is selfish unless work is put into denying your own ego.


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## selfinsufficient (Jun 30, 2010)

Van Meter said:


> I think that's a wrong approach and doesn't do justice to the diversity of people within a type, and a variety of factors outside of the theory that contribute to selfish character. I sort of found your premise funny, the way you put it, haha.
> 
> I would say anyone with tert/inferior Fi might appear selfish in the most apparent way, although it might not objectively be any more selfish than say inferior Ti or Te. Everyone is selfish unless work is put into denying your own ego.


It was sort of meant to be funny, I'm glad you didn't take it too seriously.


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## sjack (Mar 18, 2013)

ESFJs. Their pathological selflessness towards the care of other people's feelings is a facade to disguise their own need to gratify their egos by receiving the approval of every single person they meet.

/i troll


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## selfinsufficient (Jun 30, 2010)

I think what I was trying to express is it strikes me just how easily he takes himself into account in most situations without doing the same for others. It seems that anything that happens, even if it happens to me or someone else, he immediately only processes how he is affected first. take for example: I had gone through a friend's drama and felt incredibly drained and needed to do something for myself to relax, oh well this interfered with my driving him somewhere and so he complained and blamed me for getting myself in a position of being drained (therefore needing time for myself and therefore opting to spend "me" time and causing him to have to drive himself to where he needed to go). Instead of saying "hey you've been through a lot, you were up all night helping your friend through this, you slept maybe one hour because of this and i am perfectly capable of driving myself, I appreciate you having offered to do me the favor but it's totally fine you go to this appointment since it's the only opening today, don't worry about me." Nope. I have to point out to him, remind him all i do for him and how i really need this time for myself right now in order for him see things from my perspective and to take my needs into account.

It feels as if I am constantly having to do that- to vocalize other perspectives b/c he doesn't really take them into account ever. Once I do he usually understands and I'll be damned if he doesn't try his hardest to be accommodating once things are brought up to him but it's not in his nature to do so on his own it seems.


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## cosmicfruitcakes (Aug 23, 2013)

I think it really depends on what kind of selfish you mean. There is selfish like cutthroat, selfish like egotistical, or selfish like solipsistic. I think all types are selfish in some way, but I think specifics would probably be necessary to narrow it down further then that. Can you tell us more about your boyfriend?


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## selfinsufficient (Jun 30, 2010)

ProfessorInfp said:


> I think it really depends on what kind of selfish you mean. There is selfish like cutthroat, selfish like egotistical, or selfish like solipsistic. I think all types are selfish in some way, but I think specifics would probably be necessary to narrow it down further then that. Can you tell us more about your boyfriend?


Thanks, more of the solipsistic variety. Did you read the example I gave above your comment? Should I tell of more instances?


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## Snow (Oct 19, 2010)

self·ish adjective: selfish
1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

I look at the definition and extrapolate that "lacking consideration" _includes_ but does not _mean_ that a person performs actions (or inactions) which _cause harm_ to other people, at his or her own benefit.

I feel the distinction is paramount to understanding _human motivation_, as all humans are motivated by increasing _their own_ emotional wellness. (There are no exceptions outside of abnormal mental states, such as psychosis.)

Thus the question may either be: "which type most often _doesn't consider others' feelings_," or "which type most often _doesn't consider the negative effects on others' lives_" [when performing (in)actions].

_All types_ will put their selves first in the general sense of "trying to better their lives," but only a few will do so knowingly (or being willfully ignorant) that their actions actually cause harm to other peoples' lives.

Again, "other peoples' lives" and "other peoples' feelings" are two totally different things. Feelings are subjective, and hurting others' feelings is not always a bad thing.

If the question really revolves around feelings, the T types (usually the ones with inferior Fe) will end up appearing the most selfish.


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## selfinsufficient (Jun 30, 2010)

Another example would be: when he is sick he needs me to care for him and I do it without a second thought. When I am sick it's as if there is a checklist in his head that he needs to get over with in order to say that oh he did his job of taking care of me now back to other things (got her soup? check. got her medicine? check. ok, i cared now i can go about my way)... when i am sick he outright has even said to me: "you're milking it" and "ok can you stop being sick now so we can go out?" and if you knew me you would know that I do not easily reach out for help, I am used to doing things on my own and depending on myself so i am most definitely in no way trying to "milk it." it seems as if anything that he doesn't want to think about or deal with he just doesn't, no matter how important it is to someone he cares about he has this way of not wanting to "go there." and that is the way he is in conversations or arguments as well.


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## selfinsufficient (Jun 30, 2010)

he expects things from me that he doesn't naturally think to do for me, or he does halfheartedly for me just to get it over with and more out of obligation.


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## JamesSteal (Apr 14, 2013)

Everyone is trying to present themselves as modest and open-minded by saying _"There are selfish people in all types"_. There may be truth to that statement, but platitudes like that can be annoying when everyone and their pet dogs are saying it. I believe the OP was trying to convey whether types embrace selfishness in their own kind of way. I guess you'd have to look towards the enneagram for that.


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## Delilah (Nov 11, 2012)

That would be, ESFPs.


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## heavydirtysoul (Jan 13, 2012)

From my personal experience, ESFPs. Sorry.


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## Windblownhair (Aug 12, 2013)

ESTJ, from my own personal experience.


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

ESTJ. Yep.


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## Alumina (Jan 22, 2013)

All of them


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