# Do you ever think you are too intelligent for the people around you?



## Farrider (Aug 22, 2016)

Firstly I am very aware that this post could come across as conceited. I’m also very familiar with the Dunning Kruger study which states that people who think they are intelligent generally are not, and vice versa people who don’t think they are intelligent, often are.

I won’t get into the technicalities or examples, but I constantly find myself in life explaining things that just seem obvious to me, and people not comprehending them. Quite often a thought that I have is that I am speaking English, and everyone else only understands Martian. “How can you not understand what I’m saying?!”

Technically yes I have a high IQ. My first awareness that I might be different in this way is when a kid on the school bus who had gotten to know me very well asked me if I was a genius. I was 14 and I had no concept of this being a thing at the time. 

But I have always tried to remain levelheaded and never become bigheaded or conceited. But sometimes I just have to think about this subject.

I constantly find myself seeing the workings of machinery, and of relationships, in extreme clarity. I immediately know how to fix something or why something is going wrong. But trying to convey it to other people using clear analogies or even diagrams often falls on deaf ears. 

Apologies again if this sound conceited. I’m just trying to be straightforward and probably come across a little bit blunt or to the point. But does anyone else have this kind of feeling when dealing with other people, that they are seeing the world through very different eyes? Or more to the point, that generally other people are seeing the world through slightly foggy, pixelated glasses.

Thanks in advance.


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## bifurcations (Jan 31, 2021)

If you have a high IQ and feel kind of isolated, maybe you'd enjoy reading about gifted adults. There's a book by Marylou Kelly Streznewski called "Gifted Grownups: The Mixed Blessings of Extraordinary Potential" which is fun. (I'm not saying I have a high IQ. I have no idea, and I have plenty of reasons to doubt it.)


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

No. Because if I'm so intelligent I should be able to work out how the less intelligent think easily enough so I know how to relate to them.


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## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

Do you genuinely seek other perspectives, or was it written more for venting purposes?

There are many possible explanations of why people fail to understand, with the inherent complexity of the topic being just one of many potential factors.

My current conclusion is that regardless of the IQ, a tailor-made explanation can still be provided by taking into account estimations of the recipient's abilities.
(within limits of certain reasonable assumptions)

So I would say that either you are not that far from 14 and have underdeveloped communication skills, or the issue isn't rooted in IQ.

But yes, there are some inevitable challenges pertaining to the distance in the abilities.
For instance, while it is plausible to make someone understand something, it will systematically require effort.
Speed will be sacrificed for reliability, which might lead to feel of being perpetually unchallenged, unstimulated.

Unless there are some productive ways of using these resources.
These silly problems can't compare at all to the extreme advantages that IQ gives once sufficiently utilized.


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## Who'sWho (Dec 22, 2020)

It's been (well established) theorized that over 30 IQ points of separation between subjects breaks the possibility of quality conversations. It's been observed that leaders are usually 10-20 IQ points more intelligent then their followers (be it in politics, or in work settings), and teachers of leaders are 10-20 IQ points more intelligent than them. Above 140ish IQ, it becomes difficult even in an academic environment.

Allostasis is technically correct that a "tailor made explanation can be provided by taking into account estimations of the recipient's abilities", but that still means you will have to simplify and restructure your own thought patterns to suit their needs, while someone more close to their cognitive abilities will naturally speak in a way that is directly comprehensive to them.

This is a good video that shows an intelligent person explaining and venting the difficulty of simplification and explanations of complex issues. "_I can't explain that attraction [of magnets] in terms of anything else that's familiar to you. For example, if I said the magnets attract like as if they were connected by rubber bands, I would be cheating you."_


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

IQ's a touchy subject around here. Be careful or the scythes will come out to cut down the tall poppy.


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

Replying only to the title.
I'll sound bad saying that, but yes, I sometimes think I'm too intelligent for the people around me.

I do have a confirmed above-average IQ, but I believe that it's unrelated to this feeling. I think this feeling happens to many people, actually, no matter the degree of actual "intelligence."

People are fast to label people as stupid when they disagree or when there's no mutual understanding. People are also fast to give unsolicited advice as if they had the answer, as if the others don't know what's even good for themselves, but the unsolicited adviser somehow does. Also, what about all these deaf debates? "I'm right, you're wrong; why don't you listen to my o-so-rational-and-proven preach"? We see the world through our own lenses, and our lenses MUST be right, no?

But it's a tough question to ask, who will want to admit that excess of pride?
Modesty sounds way cooler.

It's also hard to observe that excess of pride in ourselves when we suffer from fragile self-esteem at the same time.
If I believe I'm dumb, how can I ever be prideful? It doesn't sound logical. But it's actually not exclusive.

I'm not proud of my conceitedness. I try to remind myself I'm not that intelligent, that people aren't dumb, and try to keep an open mind. It's not always easy.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

Everyone thinks they're smart, until they meet someone who is a true genius.

Go out and meet more people, there are many who are smarter than you/you think, the world has no shortage of intelligent people just as it has no shortage of stupid people.


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## Behnam Agahi (Oct 27, 2020)

No, I believe that geniuses are made rather than born.
If you work hard while you don't have your unconsciousness resisting the work that you're doing, you will make a genius in time, but only in that certain field.
Lots of people compete in a wasteful field, just because the society has forced them to do so. If people get the fact that they are the society itself, everyone can reach their potential without any bad feelings.
Feeling of superiority in everything is a dangerous thing. Most of us just deny it, but think that we deserve everything that we get while lots of people don't. There is a good saying for these times that "Be proud of your work, not yourself."
When it comes to that, I force myself to look at things in a practical matter. Was Behnam as a man who worked in that certain field, really worked for the intentions he meant?


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

only on this website that calls itself a some sort of cafe of the personality but most of the conversations revolve around negative impacts of caffeine


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## Farrider (Aug 22, 2016)

Bella2016 said:


> No. Because if I'm so intelligent I should be able to work out how the less intelligent think easily enough so I know how to relate to them.


Well, could you explain quantum mechanics to someone who doesn’t understand quantum mechanics after it has been explained to them several times? Richard Feynman is often quoted as saying "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics." 

How do you explain extremely complex thoughts to simplistic people? It’s like trying to teach French to a hamster…

I appreciate all the responses above. Issue for me comes within marriage. Trying to relay thoughts that just don’t seem relatable. I think ultimately a large part of the problem is that I am an over thinker. I read body language like it’s a children’s book. And to be married to someone I love deeply but who isn’t perhaps an over thinker in that same field does pose challenges. But I will continue to try to meet halfway, keep a close grip on conceitedness, and restructure my explanations in a more intelligent way so they can be easier to understand in such instances. 

Don’t get me wrong, my wife is highly intelligent, but I believe we are intelligent in different ways. Opposites attract and all that!


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Farrider said:


> Well, could you explain quantum mechanics to someone who doesn’t understand quantum mechanics after it has been explained to them several times? Richard Feynman is often quoted as saying "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics."
> 
> How do you explain extremely complex thoughts to simplistic people? It’s like trying to teach French to a hamster.


Consider it from another perspective. Why would you want to teach French to a hamster and does the hamster wish to learn French? Perhaps it's best to have a discussion in French with people who also speak French. Cyberspace is a good place to find other French speakers.

To navigate social spheres, it's easier to let others dictate the topics of discussion where you can chime in when something sparks your interest. Otherwise, all you get is dead space in return, particularly if your interests are esoteric.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Farrider said:


> Firstly I am very aware that this post could come across as conceited. I’m also very familiar with the Dunning Kruger study which states that people who think they are intelligent generally are not, and vice versa people who don’t think they are intelligent, often are.
> 
> I won’t get into the technicalities or examples, but I constantly find myself in life explaining things that just seem obvious to me, and people not comprehending them. Quite often a thought that I have is that I am speaking English, and everyone else only understands Martian. “How can you not understand what I’m saying?!”
> 
> ...


No, there's always someone smarter than I am. I've always considered myself more clever than intelligent (and yes, my IQ is above average).


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

I should add that when you chime into topics that others have started, begin with generalizations. If there's interest, add more details but again, at a generalized level. Then keep drilling down if interest continues and soon, you'll likely be having a lively conversation with another who enjoys speaking French.


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## letsrunlikecrazy (Sep 21, 2015)

Not necessarily too intelligent but I'm often overeducated.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

Farrider said:


> Well, could you explain quantum mechanics to someone who doesn’t understand quantum mechanics after it has been explained to them several times? Richard Feynman is often quoted as saying "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics."
> 
> How do you explain extremely complex thoughts to simplistic people? It’s like trying to teach French to a hamster…
> 
> ...


It's all about getting in someone's head and seeing things from their perspective. It's a huge task. But possible. Because once you can see something from someone else's perspective then you can generally win the argument (not if you're wrong, and that happens, and in that case, you don't want to win - I'm talking discussion/ disagreement, not heated argument here).

And yes, if I understood quantum mechanics I could explain it someone who is having a hard time, but it would probably take a long time. Because if I can understand it then I that will be because I understand it fully (and if I don't, I'd better start learning more about it) and that means I know what information the person might be missing, I can pinpoint it, and I can fill them in.

Some people don't want to learn; don't want to listen. Just another problem to be solved. I generally try to solve this through trial and error and mostly error.

Clarifying things can be helpful (in a questioning way perhaps?). But even saying that, at the end of the day, I wouldn't like to give advice because I learn by trial and error, and that means a lot of disasters happen for me.

But good on you for the great attitude towards it, because yes, opposites do attract and being with someone who is different is how we grow.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Farrider said:


> I appreciate all the responses above. Issue for me comes within marriage. Trying to relay thoughts that just don’t seem relatable. I think ultimately a large part of the problem is that I am an over thinker. I read body language like it’s a children’s book. And to be married to someone I love deeply but who isn’t perhaps an over thinker in that same field does pose challenges. But I will continue to try to meet halfway, keep a close grip on conceitedness, and restructure my explanations in a more intelligent way so they can be easier to understand in such instances.
> 
> Don’t get me wrong, my wife is highly intelligent, but I believe we are intelligent in different ways. Opposites attract and all that!


Oh, you added this after or during my response.

A possibility is sharing a few hobbies, ones that are new where each begins with a blank slate so the playing field has been leveled. This way, it gives you something to discuss so that intellectual itch can be scratched, enforcing bonds of intimacy.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

No, I disagree with IQ tests and I think there are better ways to judge peoples worth and capabilities.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Electra said:


> No, I disagree with IQ tests and I think there are better ways to judge peoples worth and capabilities.


@Farrider, do you understand Electra's point? She's coming at this from a completely different angle, one of appreciating difference and complementary strengths. You mentioned this aspect in a later post.


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## Glittris (May 15, 2020)

I know I am way too smart than everyone else, in the tiny field I am working in.

But I also know there are people that are way smarter than me, to do all kinds of things..., from plumbing too programming...

Diversity of labor, diversity is indeed strength. We can not be good at everything at the same time.


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## attic (May 20, 2012)

I have rarely had a problem like that, I am a little above average, but not much so there are lots of people around my level. But I think I can understand the frustration, especially if it is someone as close as in a marriage. In the closest relationships I think many want to share themselves and be understood, and it can feel a bit sad when someone close isn't able to fully know you. But except for that, I think the important thing isn't that people are unable to understand, but to find a few that are able to understand for those things that one want to be able to talk about with people(I think this isn't just about intelligence, it can be knowledge, interest, experience too), and then adapt around the rest, and find places where you have common ground. I just spent some time with my cat for example, she is really stupid, by human measures (pretty smart for a cat), but we both like to play the hunting game we play. If I only had to hang out with cats it would make me lonely, but I can enjoy it as long as it is not my only company. When I was a teen one of my friends had a lower iq, (I don't know what, but it was considerable, you could just tell), so there were many topics that were not great to talk about, because it would just be me monologing and her being bored, and we sometimes played cards, but didn't like the same ones (she liked ones based on luck), but she was more social than me, and we could have fun doing things together, joke and cook, explore or gossip. It was a good time, once in a while, but as long as I had other people too to share other parts of me with. When I was younger I also had a friend who couldn't quite follow in my thoughts, and I didn't spend much time with others in my spare time, and that was worse, it was a bit lonely, and I don't think good for any of us. But the problem wasn't that she was my friend, but that I didn't have any other I spent much time with. So I think it is more that one needs some people to be able to share one's mind with, not that all have to be able to.

I am not sure what to do when the gap exist in a marriage... perhaps focus on the common ground? as well as the areas that really feel important that the other person understands, to know you, and then try not to care so much about the rest? I think even when two people have the exact same intelligence, there are areas that are difficult to share and understand about each other, for other reasons, interest or emotional reasons, not sharing experience... perhaps it is just that we can't rely fully on any one person.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

For example I doubt someone with a high IQ score would for example nessesery have an advantage if they were put to work as a chef. To be a great chef you would have an advantage if you are experienced with cooking for lots of people, have good economy or access to food, can make quick descicions, being able to deal with stress, being reliable, have a functional taste, interest in food and being able to cooperate with others. It doesn't matter so much how open you are to experience or how skilled you are linguisticly. Motivation, grit and selfesteem matters quite a bit.

An intelligent person does not nesseserily have an advantage as, lets say; a personal fitness trainer eighter, where it is required that you are at least somewhat physically fit, able to communicate with clients, capable of motivating them. An intelligent person could very well get bored in an invirement that is very physical in nature as they require cognitive stimulation to thrive in the job. If an intelligent person happen to be rude to the client, their intelligence wont matter much. An emotionally intelligent person could easily observe facial expressions and read their clients body language, and use their network building skills to achive advantages in their career.
When people take IQ tests, their actual behavior can differ in an IRL setting from their behavior while taking the test.


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## mino (Jul 20, 2020)

Oh, how tempted I am to simply answer “Yes.” with no context.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Electra said:


> For example I doubt someone with a high IQ score would for example nessesery have an advantage if they were put to work as a chef. To be a great chef you would have an advantage if you are experienced with cooking for lots of people, have good economy or access to food, can make quick descicions, being able to deal with stress, being reliable, have a functional taste, interest in food and being able to cooperate with others. It doesn't matter so much how open you are to experience or how skilled you are linguisticly. Motivation, grit and selfesteem matters quite a bit.
> 
> An intelligent person does not nesseserily have an advantage as, lets say; a personal fitness trainer eighter, where it is required that you are at least somewhat physically fit, able to communicate with clients, capable of motivating them. An intelligent person could very well get bored in an invirement that is very physical in nature as they require cognitive stimulation to thrive in the job. If an intelligent person happen to be rude to the client, their intelligence wont matter much. An emotionally intelligent person could easily observe facial expressions and read their clients body language, and use their network building skills to achive advantages in their career.
> When people take IQ tests, their actual behavior can differ in an IRL setting from their behavior while taking the test.


To be fair Electra, if you check out his later post, it's about his marriage and connecting with his wife. This is the most intimate relationship one can have and even if, intellectually, you understand and appreciate that they have their own strengths, there can be an itch that can't be scratched if there's a missing component to their marriage. And from the sounds of it, for the OP, it's the intellectual connection.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

mia-me said:


> To be fair Electra, if you check out his later post, it's about his marriage and connecting with his wife. This is the most intimate relationship one can have and even if, intellectually, you understand and appreciate that they have their own strengths, there can be an itch that can't be scratched if there's a missing component to their marriage. And from the sounds of it, for the OP, it's the intellectual connection.


That is true. He needs to speak her language and appreciate her skills, which he probably does to some degree. I suggest marriage councelling to aid in mirroring eachother in a more positive light. Whether or not they should stay together if this doesn't work is all dependent on if they have children or not, in my oppinion, and ecactly how bad the conflicts affect the childrens health mentally and physically, if they happen to have children.


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

Farrider said:


> I appreciate all the responses above. Issue for me comes within marriage. Trying to relay thoughts that just don’t seem relatable. I think ultimately a large part of the problem is that I am an over thinker. I read body language like it’s a children’s book. And to be married to someone I love deeply but who isn’t perhaps an over thinker in that same field does pose challenges. But I will continue to try to meet halfway, keep a close grip on conceitedness, and restructure my explanations in a more intelligent way so they can be easier to understand in such instances.
> 
> Don’t get me wrong, my wife is highly intelligent, but I believe we are intelligent in different ways. Opposites attract and all that!


I sympathize... I believe I have the same problem with my husband.

I think my frustration came from the fact that I want a complete connection with another human being. I want to share a bit of everything with my partner, but I never managed to create an intellectual connection. The more I shared my thoughts, the more we would feel alien. I would understand him, but he wouldn't understand me. I can entertain his thoughts, but he can't entertain mine. I did accommodate him so that we can share, but it still feels frustrating, as I would just feel like a teacher but not like an equal with whom I can really share. I sometimes feel like an adult running with a toddler. He can race with me at full speed, but I can't race with him at full speed, otherwise he can't follow.

The good thing is that we at least trust each other, I know there are areas where he's better than me and I would just follow without having to discuss it, while it's reversed in other areas. Everything else is perfect in the relationship so I don't give this point too much weight. I decided to focus on the good points my relationship provides and decided to get what I can't get from the relationship outside of the relationship. Since it's mostly intellectual connection and stimulation, I can get it from other interactions, such as friends, coworkers, social media. I don't need to bring it to the bedroom after all. 

But I admit that... in my heart, I'd love to.


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## Charus (May 31, 2017)

I do actualy can confirm that I do sometimes certianly feel as what described in the thread title.


Bella2016 said:


> No. Because if I'm so intelligent I should be able to work out how the less intelligent think easily enough so I know how to relate to them.


It's actualy more of an issue here is that other people usualy refuse to listen, because they think they know it better somehow.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

There is no such thing as "too intelligent". There is a such thing in underestimating others intelligence. That is when you are not as intelligent as you thought you were. imo No matter my intelligence level I feel no need to put it on blast. Let the people that think they are too intelligent think what they want. I could be doing it on purpose. Is that intelligence, watching people slip with their own preconceived intelligence level/cockiness or me being a bitch? I may never know..... _adjusts halo_


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## Deuce (Feb 16, 2021)

Mmh as someone neurotypical with a few friends with above-average high IQ (some by a noticeable margin), I can 100% concur they seem to view life in high definition while I'm content with a a sketchy drawing or sthg like that. Or the difference is more about depth and I tend to trivialize their highly abstract or metaphysical insights by trying to apply them to my very "mundane" concerns. Or it's about length and I can only follow their speculations for so long.

There's still a lot of enjoyment to be derived from the friendship, for me because I really value feeling intellectually "raised" and for them because ... Mmh I guess because it's nice finding someone interested into listening to them and because I don't mind being the shortest poppy.

And it's possible for gifted people to develop great explanatory and pedagogical skills because I know one who has sort of reversed the problem to the point where he expresses hard points with the extreme simplicity you'd think to be the trademark of very naive people ! I think some of my friends concerned have received the advice to practice mindfulness, yoga and the like - it has worked pretty well for them in order to allay the frustration of having to explain themselves slowly and to cut out some of the subtleties of their thinking ; and also to learn to enjoy more some more "trivial" ways to enjoy life, which are a way to find more common ground with other people.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I believe almost anyone who has driven a car has been called stupid whether they know it or not.

My mom would call other drivers stupid when they were making poor maneuvers. But when she makes poor maneuvers and everyone else is cursing, she is the one saying, “Come on, relax!”

I know a few people with whom I had displayed a sense of superiority like Count Dooku and they thought that I thought I was just too smart for them. I was actually annoyed once that people would “act stupid” but I couldn’t maintain these thoughts after all the times I’ve crossed the street and almost got hit by a car. On my birthday one year I almost got hit by a car and the driver started yelling at me and asked if I was trying to get myself killed. After that I hardly felt superior to another person in this way.

My main problem now is fixation on something controversial and feeling most people don’t get it. They hold a particular view that I find offensive and I haven’t fully gotten around being offended by it. I need to watch some other material that isn’t as painful.

As for day to day, I don’t talk to people about intellectual topics so I don’t have normally have difficult things to explain. I don’t particularly think certain things are obvious to me that aren’t obvious to others either, I find that phrase difficult to relate to.

I also had much worse expressions of Aspergers before, so it wasn’t a matter of what I thought of the social situation. My first conversation with a speech therapist seemed perfectly fine to me, but the therapist basically returned a report that might as well would have had a giant F all over it because from her perspective I was rambling incoherently and I thought I was just talking. I don’t think I do that much anymore though.


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## Farrider (Aug 22, 2016)

Summer70 said:


> I sympathize... I believe I have the same problem with my husband.
> 
> I think my frustration came from the fact that I want a complete connection with another human being. I want to share a bit of everything with my partner, but I never managed to create an intellectual connection. The more I shared my thoughts, the more we would feel alien. I would understand him, but he wouldn't understand me. I can entertain his thoughts, but he can't entertain mine. I did accommodate him so that we can share, but it still feels frustrating, as I would just feel like a teacher but not like an equal with whom I can really share. I sometimes feel like an adult running with a toddler. He can race with me at full speed, but I can't race with him at full speed, otherwise he can't follow.
> 
> ...


You hit the nail on the head for me there. I am comforted to know I am not alone in that exact situation. She’s wonderful and I would never dream of us separating. But as I am also a little older I do get labeled as sounding like a teacher, or at worst sounding like a parent. Even our marriage counselor has told me I sound like a parent. 

Unfortunately the marriage counselor is also a female of the same age as my wife, so there is a bit of kinship there. The counselor is another person who also doesn’t understand me when I’m explaining some thing to both of them during a session. I just see a confused expression on both their faces. But to me it’s a crystal clear concept. 

If I try to make it simpler by using an every day analogy, I got told well that analogy doesn’t make sense or apply. So I either say things they don’t understand, or i dumb them down to a point where they are no longer relevant. 

I will continue striving to find a middle ground, but I am thankful that you’ve helped me understand why I sometimes get called a parent. I guess parents are typically more wise than the children. And I can come across like that, which I completely understand is a turn off to the other person.

If I was with someone trying to explain the most complicated quantum mechanics equation to me that I couldn’t understand, and they started to get frustrated that I wouldn’t understand it, I wouldn’t feel any empathy for them, I would just feel embarrassed and belittled. The other person wouldn’t be wrong for understanding things that I don’t, and I also wouldn’t be wrong for feeling small.

I didn’t write this thread to looking for solutions because there may not be ultimately a perfect one. But I did want to know if I was alone in this dynamic. Thank you.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

When (what age) did you start to feel this disconnect from the herd on an intellectual level to the point that you felt out of place or unable to connect meaningfully/deeply? It may help delineate how much of your struggle is caused by raw intelligence gaps, and how much is caused by or exacerbated by other social skills and/or coping mechanisms you have developed (or not developed) as you evolved during childhood. How did your parents relate to you and/or model these social connection behaviors?

I've known some that were similarly matched IQ wise but had very different success rates relating to the rest of the herd, and some with similar abilities to relate that had quite different intellects. I do believe higher IQ people can be very successful in relating to all, but it seems more and more uncommon as your rise in the scale, and all but guaranteed to struggle if you lack certain skills which are not in any way related to intellect.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

Charus Channeling said:


> I do actualy can confirm that I do sometimes certianly feel as what described in the thread title.
> 
> It's actualy more of an issue here is that other people usualy refuse to listen, because they think they know it better somehow.


Yeah, but he did ask if I could explain complex stuff to anyone, and so I was replying to that.


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## Amine (Feb 23, 2014)

Surprisingly yes. I think my IQ is in the 130s at best, more likely 120s or 110s, so I'm no genius but even with this level of intelligence sometimes it can be lonely. It's terrifying sometimes. People just aren't curious.


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## Farrider (Aug 22, 2016)

chad86tsi said:


> When (what age) did you start to feel this disconnect from the herd on an intellectual level to the point that you felt out of place or unable to connect meaningfully/deeply? It may help delineate how much of your struggle is caused by raw intelligence gaps, and how much is caused by or exacerbated by other social skills and/or coping mechanisms you have developed (or not developed) as you evolved during childhood. How did your parents relate to you and/or model these social connection behaviors?
> 
> I've known some that were similarly matched IQ wise but had very different success rates relating to the rest of the herd, and some with similar abilities to relate that had quite different intellects. I do believe higher IQ people can be very successful in relating to all, but it seems more and more uncommon as your rise in the scale, and all but guaranteed to struggle if you lack certain skills which are not in any way related to intellect.


I thought about this question a lot and honestly don’t have a clear answer. In someways I’ve always felt separated intellectually, or that I saw the world in different ways, as another poster said like I see it in high definition or even 8K. The other problem is I’ve always dated younger women, so there’s always been that other gap which isn’t just wisdom or experience, but simply years. It’s all very hard to pinpoint.


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## Pretender (Apr 27, 2016)

Who'sWho said:


>



That guy sounds very defensive and rambles off explanations about everything BUT the magnets. If he just admitted that he didn't know how they worked and attributed it to a miracle instead I'd have more respect for him.


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## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

Pretender said:


> That guy sounds very defensive and rambles off explanations about everything BUT the magnets. If he just admitted that he didn't know how they worked and attributed it to a miracle instead I'd have more respect for him.


I think you may have missed his point.
He gave answer right away, which is : interviewer experiences this feeling because "magnets repel each other", that's it.
This explanation already represents knowledge.
Now you know that if you take two magnets they might start to repel each other.

His point was that answer on "how magnets work" or about reality in general exists on multiple levels of abstractions.
Why they are doing that?
Because X and Y interact with each other.
But why they interact with each other?
Because they are in Z field
But why Z field exists? Why there are fields at all? Because this and that. But why? etc

At each level of abstraction answer already represents some sort of knowledge about the world by which you can make predictions.

Richard Feynman, obviously, knows much more than that.
The problem is that it wouldn't make any sense in introducing concepts like virtual photons and how electromagnetic force or forces in general are carried according to current most advanced theories of humanity in such setting.
You just cannot explain high-level physics in few minutes in simple words, as many people would prefer.
Simple and easy to understand answers about "advanced" physics usually extremely simplified to the point of being misleading/faulty.

Hence I find his behavior reasonable.
Instead of providing inaccurate bullshit answer or trying to bury him under mountain of concepts, he invites interviewer to acknowledge the nature of answers on how/why something works in general and to decide the context from which level of detail can be derived, so that he will get a truly meaningful satisfactory answer.
It still would probably require several lectures.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Oh wow. I started to reply -- twice -- but deleted when they turned into essays.

Okay. I have a very high IQ. But because of my upbringing and other circumstances (and possibly gender), I never expect anyone to understand me or even recognize my intelligence. So I keep things to myself and relate to people in the ways that are possible (e.g., kindness or humor). 

Occasionally I can relate to someone on an intelligent level, and it's always a nice surprise. It's usually fleeting though, as life circumstances or other factors keep us apart.

Intelligence is just one kind of weirdness. I think many people are "too" something in some way or another, and have to live with the resulting isolation and other frustrations. Meanwhile, many people wish their spouse shared their passion for dancing or video games, or had the same sex drive or whatever. This is normal stuff.

As another poster mentioned, you can't expect to have all your needs met by one person. If you are happily married except for this, I think you're a lucky person. Maybe you can have intellectual discussions online or elsewhere.

I realize that it might not be that straightforward for you; otherwise you wouldn't have posted. But changing your expectations is something you could think about.


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## Sybow (Feb 1, 2016)

Sometimes I do. But then again, sometimes I feel quite dumb (due to my own actions).


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## Laguna (Mar 21, 2012)

I'm very aware of people having superior knowledge on a topic- well beyond me. I even- for example- work with a few highly educated/highly specialized individuals that I'm in awe of. But I value the human condition more than anything else on the planet. And I feel most humans are not in tune with it; many lack intelligence in this space. I feel superior intellectually in this space. And the ultimate paradox of this----- I feel the very idea of the human condition _not_ being on one's radar- in and of itself makes them stupid. There- I said it.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

chad86tsi said:


> such as?


Other factors would be irrelevant to the thread topic which is about intelligence.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

When I lived in South Louisiana, I often did. 
I got over it with time, because I figured, I could enhance my own intelligence by learning from the perspectives of different people, even if they weren't as book smart, because there are many people who have life experiences that I could never experience, myself, because those experiences were locked into a particular generation.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

mia-me said:


> Other factors would be irrelevant to the thread topic which is about intelligence.


So this discussion about feelings and the amygdala dictating how we react to our environment is off topic now?

we all have an amygdala and feelings, but we do not all have the same IQ (nor IQ type) or thinking patterns. I wonder why they we are all so different...


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

chad86tsi said:


> So this discussion about feelings and the amygdala dictating how we react to our environment is off topic now?
> 
> we all have an amygdala and feelings, but we do not all have the same IQ (nor IQ type) or thinking patterns. I wonder why they we are all so different...


The discussion surrounding other aspects of the brain was as a rebuttal to your misbelief that intelligence is the key factor to combating fight/flight. If that were true, you and your wife would be able to control your reactions but that's not the case.

For the record, I'm not anti-intelligence or anti-IQ measurements of such. It can be helpful in many aspects of life. What I'm against, is people conflating it with superpowers and misattributing its effects.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

mia-me said:


> The discussion surrounding other aspects of the brain was as a rebuttal to your misbelief that intelligence is the key factor to combating fight/flight.


Can you provide a valid citation for this?

This isn't a zero sum game though. I think it is a key factor, but not the only factor. IQ is also a key factor in high career achievement, but clearly not the only one. Zero sum thinking is not useful in any such matters.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

chad86tsi said:


> Can you provide a valid citation for this?


I'm not going through the entire discussion again.



> This isn't a zero sum game though. I think it is a key factor, but not the only factor. IQ is also a key factor in high career achievement, but clearly not the only one. Zero sum thinking is not useful in any such matters.





me said:


> What I'm against, is people conflating it with superpowers and misattributing its effects.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

mia-me said:


> I'm not going through the entire discussion again.


I'll remember that next time you aske me for a citation.

I think most people are against misattributing effects of skills/abilities/traits. Some just confuse causation with correlation, or develop a belief that is not based on logic/reason, or can otherwise not be validated or supported by data or peer review.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

chad86tsi said:


> I think most people are against misattributing effects of skills/abilities/traits.


Then we heartily agree. Dunning-Kruger and the Forer Effect are also problematic.


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

mia-me said:


> Then we heartily agree. Dunning-Kruger and the Forer Effect are also problematic.


Yes, when a person at #2 is debating with a person at #6, the person at #2 typically feels their higher confidence is its own form proof, and can outweigh anything #6 can offer because a person at #6 can and does acknowledge the inability to "prove" some things beyond a certain point due to "other" factors.








Degree of Certainty is a good clue to as to whether a person is arguing from position #2 or #6. most smart people know the don't know everything, and I look for that as an important indicator when assessing a persons intellect.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

Hexcoder said:


> Not really, you just missed mine, actually. That kid for example would be too smart for his own age group but unable to teach them.


How can you know I missed your point when you missed mine? How do you know we weren't making the same point if you don't know what point I was making?


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Bella2016 said:


> How can you know I missed your point when you missed mine? How do you know we weren't making the same point if you don't know what point I was making?


I see you're more interested in overcomplicating and muddling things than actually discussing the topic. It's really rather simple though.

Nevermind that I responded.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

Hexcoder said:


> I see you're more interested in overcomplicating and muddling things than actually discussing the topic. It's really rather simple though.
> 
> Nevermind that I responded.


We were saying the same thing.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Bella2016 said:


> We were saying the same thing.


No, we weren't. However, I'm not interested in continuing this, as it is escalated by defensiveness beyond what was necessary.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

Yes. 
Do you realize how unintelligent people around me are?
The level is a bit low because it is tolerated too much. 
Unintelligence is often just intelligence that has gained proportions.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Hexcoder said:


> First of all...people are overly sensitive to this whole "conceitedness" label they like to slap onto people.
> 
> In society you're allowed to say "I'm worse than most people at X" and nobody has any issue with it.
> The second you say, "I'm better than most people at X" suddenly you're considered a douchebag.
> ...


Just writing here again out of frustration for related reasons.

Being on PerC amplifies this.
Also, I believe "I am more intelligent than average" is an objective fact rather than an opinion, partly because my experiences match what one would predict they'd be based on my IQ score. I do think there is more to intelligence measurement than IQ tests, but I also think that IQ tests hold some degree of merit as a generalized assessment. I won't share numbers but I will say I could've been in Mensa and I did grow up taking "gifted" classes and getting straight A's in them without much effort involved. Thus, why I believe it is an objective fact. It is based on numbers and compared with averages.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Hexcoder said:


> Being on PerC amplifies this.


To clarify, this is mainly pertaining to threads or posts I encounter but never actually reply to; it is not directed toward anyone, nor is everyone on here included in this. I'm just talking about random things I click on and think, "just no," then close out of because it's just too ridiculous. I'm pretty sure most if not all of us experience this though.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

When someone such as Dr. Grande says Trump probably has slightly higher than average intelligence I find it deeply concerning because I think he's demonstrated almost pure morosis outside of his businesses. "Wait, you mean most people have lower intelligence than this?"


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## superloco3000 (Dec 15, 2017)

Hexcoder said:


> When someone such as Dr. Grande says Trump probably has slightly higher than average intelligence I find it deeply concerning because I think he's demonstrated almost pure morosis outside of his businesses. "Wait, you mean most people have lower intelligence than this?"


Trump for sure has higher than average intelligence ... another topic it's if you share his morality or point of views .

Most of the people here must have above average intelligence for sure ... but it doesn't mean anything if you compare yourself against the great minds of humanity like: Beethoven, Einstein, Newton, Chopin, Nietzsche, Michelangelo, Jung, Schopenhauer , ect.


If we compare ourselves against great minds we are quite mediocre and sad.
Anyone who thinks they are smart could use a bucket of cold water and compare themselves to the minds that really changed humanity.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Farrider said:


> But does anyone else have this kind of feeling when dealing with other people, that they are seeing the world through very different eyes?


Your thread has troubled me ever since you posted it. I attend this intellectual discussion group where a good percentage attending are Ph.D.s. I am not as studied nor as articulate as they are. Yet I keep getting angry frustrated because I can't tell them where they are off. By "off" I mean I have a different perspective possibly because of my math orientation and philosophical interests. ( Ask Pi ) They keep talking great details and are good at it but they all seem to end up with unknowns and "this is very complicated." I have this idea I can clarify and unify things for them but the leader won't let me.

It is not an interactive group where people can think out loud, be creative and develop. The leader has a different purpose. It is to get as many people to talk as possible ... to give every one a chance. I get frustrated. Unlike here on PerC where there is plenty of time to phrase things, to think things over before posting. This group doesn't cut it for me. I keep thinking I have something to offer this group, but because of the rush anytime I do speak my foot goes right in my mouth. I am paranoid the leader doesn't respect me. 

My Fe wants to conclude it is not anyone's fault. It's just that the leader is an ENxJ and sticks to his purpose. I cannot buck an ENxJ who is in charge. It's partly personal. He once told me he wanted to keep the group to his purpose and he wouldn't allow anyone to disrupt his group ... meaning me because I spoke up once.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

superloco3000 said:


> Trump for sure has higher than average intelligence ... another topic it's if you share his morality or point of views .
> 
> Most of the people here must have above average intelligence for sure ... but it doesn't mean anything if you compare yourself against the great minds of humanity like: Beethoven, Einstein, Newton, Chopin, Nietzsche, Michelangelo, Jung, Schopenhauer , ect.
> 
> ...


1) I am not arrogant about it, as I explained in my first post, so such comparisons would serve no purpose here.
2) I don't believe intelligence is measured by one's accomplishments anyway. There are child prodigies with lower IQ scores than mine--if I was given a different set of circumstances, a more nurturing upbringing, perhaps I could've been among those people. I'm not insecure, nor arrogant; grateful though, yes. But it simply is what it is.
3) Those people are just people. I don't place them on a pedestal any more than I place myself on one. We're all just humans born with different things, who gives a shit? It's insignificant outside of what transpires as a result, it is not something to idolize or worship people for. IMO people place far too much importance on things like this.
4) Hard work is far more important than intelligence, and great levels of intelligence are not required in order for one to acheive such great things.
5) The thoughts I was expressing there were pertaining to the fate of humanity, I wasn't just judging or something. I genuinely find it concerning if the majority is less intelligent than Trump--not because of matters pertaining to morality, as was _assumed _here, but because of his _intelligence_--I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. I actually thought Trump was less intelligent than average all this time.


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