# Failing even though I worked my ass of.



## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

So it is official.
I failed my leadership test and will not be able to move on to the next semester without it.
Coming up are two exams a collaborative group effort presentation and I all my motivation is gone.
I feel they will be a waste of energy since I have already failed.

Right now I'm looking at my options and quite frankly I feel they look like shit.
I've already deleted all school related tasks from my todo lists.
I don't see the point in even trying.

I guess I have to get a deadend job somewhere, a small rental to match and
just give up any dreams of being a valuable member of society.
That is how I feel.

In reality I guess that as soon as I feel a little better I will probably find a better path than that.
I have learned a lot of skills, I just don't feel like they are worth much as all I see
is endless work alone trying to make ends meet if I try to go it alone.

Half of the problem is that I don't trust society fully. And society just game me a thumbs down
cause society sensed my aversion to it. It is a very circular psychologic issue.
I'm not willing to delve into that in this thread, I feel I have disected my mind enough in
the other subforums. I dunno why I'm even posting here.
Cause there is really little anyone can do for me here.
Maybe I should just copy paste this into some rant thread instead...
Ah who cares I'll post it anyway, it is not like I loose anything I havn't already lost.


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

"So it is official.
I failed my leadership test and will not be able to move on to the next semester without it.
Coming up are two exams a collaborative group effort presentation and I all my motivation is gone.
I feel they will be a waste of energy since I have already failed."

There is nothing more disappointing than when you put a lot of effort into doing something and don't get the expected reward, huh?
Do you know why you failed your test? Did you not study a proper way? How were you studying?
I don't know your major or your exact situation, but I think if you chug on and do good for the next portions, it will -look- good.

"I guess I have to get a deadend job somewhere, a small rental to match and
just give up any dreams of being a valuable member of society.
That is how I feel."
Is there a counselor you can more about with this? I feel ignorant of what a leadership test is.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Slagathor said:


> There is nothing more disappointing than when you put a lot of effort into doing something and don't get the expected reward, huh?
> Do you know why you failed your test? Did you not study a proper way? How were you studying?
> I don't know your major or your exact situation, but I think if you chug on and do good for the next portions, it will -look- good.



It isn't about study it is about communicating. I didn't keep the overview of the situastion as I should have.
I didn't collect the information I should have. I missed certain aspects and certain things got out
of hand in practice. The real world has spoken. I'm too weak to deal with it.
I could as well been a handicaped person for all intents and purposes.
I feel they are way stricter than the failiure warrants, I suspect that other issues is used to justify the strict stance.
Issues of personality and chemistry.
But it doesn't matter, I have no power to fix things, I have used up all my energy to do good and now it is over.



> Is there a counselor you can more about with this? I feel ignorant of what a leadership test is.


Yes of course there is a councelour. I will probably be called into a meeting with one in a couple of
weeks so that they can tell me how I'm a failure formally and diplomatically before they drop me.

Yeah you probably do.
I don't feel like sharing the details right now.
Only by keeping it general and superficial can I even cope.
It is like the world fooled me into a trap, made me vulnerable and trusting and then stabbed me with a knife.
Ironically I was under threat by a real knife around christmas last year.
Guess the world wanted to finish the job in a methaphorical sense.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

That sucks  But without knowing what a "leadership test" is exactly, I don't know what advice to give.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

All I've got for you is a big dose of Ni denial otherwise known as being philosophical in life. Yeah I know it's a futile effort for me to convince you this isn't the end of the world as you know it. All you can see is the door that's been slammed in your face. That's cool I get that. 

In the Ni-Universe of Insolitude though slammed doors have always been the best things to happen in my life. I've been fired, sure I have and I felt like shit at the time. And then I picked myself up, and found something else to pursue. Those something else's have turned out to be little golden ages in my life. 

You helped me recently so I want to repay the favour. When I was in my mid 30's I found myself homeless and penniless. I had to move back in with mother. But I recall that period in my life with fondness. Because I started from ground zero at 36, I know that even if the worst happens, it's not that bad. And 7 years later I'm about to buy my own home, and start a business, if things go well I'll be retired in 5-10yrs from now. 

No-one is ever consigned to more than just the cards they're dealt in life. What we do with our deck is our business, just because you don't fit one little niche, doesn't mean you'll never find one that you do. Play your deck...it's all you can do. My deck isn't good at a lot of things but I have an uncanny ability to find the things that it is good at and then I go for broke. This is a disappointment to be sure, But find your fighting spirit and just say fuck it.....if you don't want my stuff I'll take it elsewhere because someone does want it. You fit somewhere, it's only a matter of finding it.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

hornet said:


> Cause there is really little anyone can do for me here.


We can give some great advice, if you are able to receive it:

Real success is a quality bestowed by God, not created by men.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

I know what I should do.
As I said it probably belonged in a rant thread.
Yet I chose to put it in here cause I wasn't thinking clearly.
I kinda knew at the core that I didn't want suggestion on what to do next.
Hence I was very general.
Yet people clamour to know what the test is.
When a test fails it fails.
Defining it clearly does not change he result, hence you cannot help me more with the answer.
Claiming to be able to with that information strikes me as just curiosity masked as helpfulness. @InSolitude Thx for the kind words. 
I'm done with this thread btw.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Razare said:


> We can give some great advice, if you are able to receive it:
> 
> Real success is a quality bestowed by God, not created by men.


I am a Christian....but that is just bullshit. real success is a quality bestowed by _competence_ and _experience_.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> I am a Christian....but that is just bullshit. real success is a quality bestowed by _competence_ and _experience_.


Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. - James 1:17

But Abram said to the king of Sodom, "With raised hand I have sworn an oath to the LORD, God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth, that I will accept nothing belonging to you, not even a thread or the strap of a sandal, so that you will never be able to say, 'I made Abram rich.' - Genesis 14:22-23

God made Abraham successful and prosperous.


Then there is also my personal testimony. I was a 110% failure at life despite my knowledge, experience, and despite all my preparation. Then I became a Christian, and immediately I became successful at the things I did. My knowledge had not increased, other than what I learned from the word. My experience was only different in that I learned to trust God. And I did not prepare any more than I had ever done, yet the favor of God was upon me:

Luke 2:52 - And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.


I would dare any Christian to tell God, "I can sufficiently handle life on my own, and I will succeed without you. I don't need you. " See what happens.

-----------------------

Anyway, my post was good advice to the OP, don't mind the naysayers.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Razare said:


> I would dare any Christian to tell God, "I can sufficiently handle life on my own, and I will succeed without you. I don't need you. " See what happens.


there is more than just "I am capable of being completely independent" and "success is something which is given to you". just because everyone needs help does not mean you can't _earn_ success.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> there is more than just "I am capable of being completely independent" and "success is something which is given to you". just because everyone needs help does not mean you can't _earn_ success.


I have never earned anything God has given me.


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## Bassmasterzac (Jun 6, 2014)

Yo all that matters is that you put forth your greatest effort. How you are defined as a man or by success is what you do next. You gonna pick up your big boy britches and persevere or just give up like a wuss?

I'm not trying to down you man, just tellin it how it is, but you are acting like a failure right now. You're going to throw out your dreams and abandon ship because you failed one little test? The hell is that?

I know you're licking your wounds right now, but you gotta get your shit together.


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

Why is communication a problem to you?


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

hornet said:


> So it is official.
> I failed my leadership test and will not be able to move on to the next semester without it.
> Coming up are two exams a collaborative group effort presentation and I all my motivation is gone.
> I feel they will be a waste of energy since I have already failed.
> ...



If you don't want to play life in hardmode then work on your strengths rather than trying to improve on your weaknesses and excelling at what you aren't good at.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

hornet said:


> Yet people clamour to know what the test is.
> When a test fails it fails.


But if we knew what it was, we could give you unsolicited advice on how to pass it next time  Or we could criticize the way it's designed: maybe it caters to only one type of leader? etc.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

I know that you intentions are good, but I'm not receptive to the tone some of the advice given has.



ENTJudgement said:


> If you don't want to play life in hardmode then work on your strengths rather than trying to improve on your weaknesses and excelling at what you aren't good at.


Yeah. I hear you. Thing is that I didn't understand before friday that society had put the bar out of reach.
I was confident that it was within reach, but now I see that it isn't by a longshot.
A good learning experience, although a tad on the expensive side.

I will go get a job or find something else to study.
Yes a lot of ideals died on friday, it hurt like hell, but I'm better off without them.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

hornet said:


> I know that you intentions are good, but I'm not receptive to the tone some of the advice given has.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I still don't know what exactly you're talking about and without knowing what subject you are studying it's hard to say anything, but I'll give it a shot: It seems like nowadays it's not good enough in any profession to start at an entry level. 

To show that you are "ambitious" you must aim to be a leader before you have even got a job in that field. There's only one definition of "ambitious": you have to be selfish and have grandiose plans. If you just want to do your job to the best of your ability and see what happens, that's not good enough. You could achieve amazing things and have an enormous impact on people, but unless that is linked to a selfish career plan, it doesn't count.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

FlaviaGemina said:


> I still don't know what exactly you're talking about and without knowing what subject you are studying it's hard to say anything, but I'll give it a shot: It seems like nowadays it's not good enough in any profession to start at an entry level.
> 
> To show that you are "ambitious" you must aim to be a leader before you have even got a job in that field. There's only one definition of "ambitious": you have to be selfish and have grandiose plans. If you just want to do your job to the best of your ability and see what happens, that's not good enough. You could achieve amazing things and have an enormous impact on people, but unless that is linked to a selfish career plan, it doesn't count.


Yeah well actually, to just do a simple job would be the selfish option in this case. xD
I earn enough money for me, I use my skills just for me and to hell with society.
I feel like this is "Atlas Shrugged" in practice. 

If I had completed studies I would have had an immense impact, but as it is who cares.
I don't want to go into it, cause I don't want to waste my energy explaining
in detail something that is quite complicated, just to have a bunch of misguided advice to retort.

I've already started to torch the ships anyway.
Telling family, other student and teachers that I'm not going to continue this semester.
I've even started to clean away books and school material.
Deleted all my todo list task related to school and so on.

Lucky for me I was one of the top students in the theoretical part.
So it is not like I'm leaving without high-end "picknic skills".


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## MessWithTheBest (Mar 20, 2015)

Razare said:


> We can give some great advice, if you are able to receive it:
> 
> Real success is a quality bestowed by God, not created by men.


Hahahahahahaha thank you for this, it was hilarious!



Swordsman of Mana said:


> I am a Christian....but that is just bullshit. real success is a quality bestowed by _competence_ and _experience_.


Thank you sir you are saving me time.

[HR][/HR]
Now lets get serious...

@OP I see you have a problem, but... who doesn't?
Thats life and yyyyes you are welcome.



hornet said:


> So it is official.
> I failed my leadership test and will not be able to move on to the next semester without it.
> Coming up are two exams a collaborative group effort presentation and I all my motivation is gone.
> I feel they will be a waste of energy since I have already failed.


Well everybody fails sometimes even the great geniouses... it is called "Learning by trial/error" by some weird dudes. Either way when you fail two things are happening : 

You loose the reward of a specific task completation.
You win the experience of a specific task completation.


From my point of view... either on a successful or unsuccessful task completation you win something the trial is what matter at last.



hornet said:


> Right now I'm looking at my options and quite frankly I feel they look like shit.
> I've already deleted all school related tasks from my todo lists.
> I don't see the point in even trying.


Even if they do, there is always the best and the worst option(when there are options)... pick something above the average try to leave your emotions away when you are about to decide what will you choose.

Furthermore, judgeing from your location (Oslo, Norway) I bet that the schools there are really worth, I would advice you to continue your school and your education in general. Norway's education system should be a good one.



hornet said:


> I guess I have to get a deadend job somewhere, a small rental to match and
> just give up any dreams of being a valuable member of society.
> That is how I feel.


Don't do that! Discard that feeling! Multi-Slap your face NOW! :frustrating:
Just don't do that man... you will feel horrible after some years if you will do something like that.

Taking decisions when you are upset is a bad option, trust me I 've done this many times I know.

You must fullfil your dreams and desires or at least try to... this is an important part of finding happyness in your life.



hornet said:


> Half of the problem is that I don't trust society fully. And society just game me a thumbs down
> cause society sensed my aversion to it. It is a very circular psychologic issue.


Thats not a problem, well it is but you must transform it to a fact that you have to adopt to. Also strip the word "fully" replace it with the phrase "at all". In the world we are living almost everyone looks and acts greedy and selfish. Though in places like Norway where the education-culture system is better than other places in the world, the people should be better people. Though I speak from my experience.

Issues like this one ( a pure fail ) might be massive sometime... that doesn't mean you have to be disappointed and to change plans and dreams everytime. This would might lead to even more crucial psychological issues(and possibly it will). You just have to try harder the next time and learn from your mistakes of the previous one.





hornet said:


> I'm not willing to delve into that in this thread, I feel I have disected my mind enough in
> the other subforums. I dunno why I'm even posting here.


You felt bad thats all. You wanted to speak to someone even through that forum, in the specific case not the best solution though if have any mindfull close friends you should call them immediatly, thats nothing wrong really. 




hornet said:


> Cause there is really little anyone can do for me here.


Ohhh come one, there is always someone... but as I 've said already on situations like this real-life > virtual-life.



hornet said:


> it is not like I loose anything I havn't already lost.


Everything everyone ever lost, can be reclaimed.
It up to the person.

[HR][/HR]
At last and most importantly, *DO NOT MAKE ANY DECISIONS* when you are on that mood.
I hope you will be better soon, grab some alchohol and a good friend!

Best Wishes.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

@MessWithTheBest
It isn't about a continue or not.
It is about starting all over or not.
When you fail this test it like flunking an exam.
The practice teacher sends a letter of doubt to the school and I get called in 
and shown options of *what I should do instead.*

The only decision I've made is to move on.
The mood is over it is two days ago and two nights of sleep in between.
I find it amusing how people project the image of a loser onto me.
Can't be helped I guess, cause my rant was very negative.
Yet I can't shed ideals without at least throwing a tantrum.
Better on this site than in the face of someone I know.


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