# Wasting My Life?



## 124567 (Feb 12, 2013)

_Greetings_

It's been almost 5 years that I've been 'pathless'. Since last year until now I have at least 'beat' down depression, found more peace, and now have a clean slate that I could fill in with..I don't know what to fill it in with 

I even changed my real name and deleted old facebook to just forget everything and everyone..I dream of just moving to another country and start everything from there..

I never had enough peace of mind to do anything after high school (didn't exactly complete high school either) because of so much inner turmoil. I tried many ways to go back to school and just follow the common road but dropped out, and now the thought of going back to school once more makes me sick. I never was a career oriented person anyway. 

Besides school I've had different part time jobs and in the beginning it went well..until the routine made me restless and I started working somewhere else. 

My hobbies are reading about psychology/spirituality/philosophy/discovering/creating stuff, most physical activities, especially swimming and weight/strenght training. But perhaps right now I want adventure/travelling most (but I need money, and that goes back to should I study something and make money that way, or just start working at a part time job again) Both takes long time :dry: 
Following a routine like most people drains me comepletely.

Feeling like I'm wasting /dreaming my life away..:sad: I feel like I'm supposed to just live a life and that feels so long for me, I'm bored how am I gonna live about 50 years more..I don't have one dominant passion that gives me energy..I'm just trying to fill my emptiness with anything that makes me feel good in hope of..finding..

*Any tips?* Have you been in a similar situation and how did you get out?


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

LOL! I did that for 20 years more or less. Now I am back in college and going to go full white collar consultant.(International Economics, its the best bang for your buck college wise; for the least amount of work, plus it is in demand because almost nobody takes it. You would also have to take a foreign language course. Mandarin recommended.) Yes, I tend to do crazy things when I get bored.

As for the Hobbies establish something that requires you to work with your hands and your mind. Machining is fun and the tools are affordable. Electronics is another. Chemistry.

As for changing things, I do that every 3 years give or take a few months. Currently on Iteration 6. By the time this college is over I will be ready to start Iteration 7.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

One of the worst advices given is "follow your passion". Yes, you heard me, that is bad advice. 

Actually many people does not have this one and only Passion. Many people are not intensively motivated to build a focused career, nor they have that one only interest.

But the media loves to describe the passionate guys coz they are perfect employees after all. 

It's not like they don't exist and it can be a wonderful thing to work with passion. But it's just too over idealized and not everyone fits in this.
Yet people are feeling forced to fit in this social expectation coz else they'd feel worthless.


*But what matters in life is if you are living in the way you feel most comfortable and fine with.* So what if it is not glamorous?? So what if your most favorite activity is procrastinating, having some bubble bath and reading your favorite books or listening to your favorite musics? So what if you just find an average job that is not glamorous?

And then some people might be jack of all trades instead, meaning they enjoy doing different things but are not good at specializing in only one path.

Also, even for people who initially thought they loved doing one thing, might change career paths a few times in their lives.

*Actually, there is no one strict path when it comes to career or even life. Your path depends on how many alternatives you can figure out and see what you might like the most out of the paths you can picture.

*To those who don't have that One Passion, I suggest starting to reflect on where you feel you are good at. Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses: organization skills, focus, aesthetics skills, and so on. List all that you can remember about yourself.
Then start to think of jobs where your strengths can help. Then filter the list with what might be more stable/profitable and also fitting of your personality.

Also reflect on what is more achievable or not achievable. Choosing jobs that requires degrees means specialization as well as years of dedication before starting the career. Would it be worth it?


In the end, don't worry about glamorous life or career paths, but find out what is enjoyable for you and what you can be good at.

*One way to waste our lives is to live by the expectations of others.
Live life in the way you are happy with it, whether glorious or simple.*


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## Misaki (Feb 1, 2015)

I can relate in some ways. Have you given any thought to how you may like to apply your interests and hobbies in terms of, say, a career? Whether or not travelling is advisable really depends on the individual, I think. If you could get yourself to a point where doing so is financially feasible, maybe that could inspire you? But of course, you probably can't drift around forever, so it'd be good to give some serious forethought to what exactly you hope to find or achieve by doing so. Personally, I find a routine very helpful - structure helps carve out that path - but it sounds like that didn't work out so well on your end the last time.


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## SevSevens (Aug 5, 2015)

It's hard to follow your passion. Your passion will change, it will be fickle, like most fire is, or abalze and burn you.

Keep your passion gently lit for the duration of life. Keep this gentle flame awake but purify yourself. Don't smoke cigarettes, root out any addictions, we all have them, that you might be covering up deeper issues with and find a way to resolve them.

I use the Tarot, Alchemy, Astrology not for divination but to understand the deep psyche and then I use the archtypes in conjunction with depth psyghology and yoga, all valid paths to self knowledge.

I am of the type like you who wanders but I have learned to put a stern foot down and follow some more painful, and disciplined goals for the duration of my life knowing that If I don't succeed in that realm, but I keep burning the oil at both ends, I will eventually just become a guide for the younger generations.

Fear not. Remember the Lion in wizard of oz? Take it slow. 

Hint...everyone here has an addiction, we are always addicted to something, but we can be addicted to finding our own personal god/goddess and then awakening to a universal one by putting are best foot down.

As for the value of studying these symbols, and as someone who was "left brained their entire life" you will find people who will never understand how to ignite the soul. These are left brain people stuck in the lymbic system, the reptilian mode of acquiring resources, sitting on the rock.

The key is to harness the reptilian mode and use it for survival but override it's evils with the mammalian circuit of the brain which involves a more gentle right brained approach to success. Such a thing can best be imagined as a corporate worker who is a manager but has renounces materialism and simply exercising will to maintain life force and spread love.

I know right brained vs. left brained is a bit of a misnomer and fallacy these days, as it is somewhat of an awkward and invalid metaphor now but it serves it's purpose.

Merge your creative side with your analytical side, that way you swim in Neptune's waters instead of drown?

Do you follow or have I lost you?


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Havah said:


> My hobbies are reading about psychology/spirituality/philosophy/discovering/creating stuff


What sort of stuff are you interested in? Spirituality / philosophy is something I enjoy, though I'm a Jesus fanatic with it!



> It's been almost 5 years that I've been 'pathless'.


This reminds me of a poem I wrote, which applies to this situation we find ourselves in life.

_Where is your truth world? Bring it forth so I can see. Rather it hides, and all they offer are lies, lies spoken from darkness against the light. They know not why they speak lies as though it were truth, but God does. For the father of lies has blinded their minds so they might not receive what his son provides. Yet show me how darkness stains light? How do clever lies of blinded minds reveal upon which path to walk? Is not the path set, and anyone might walk upon it who see it?

Since when do lies produce good ends? Deception, where is your virtue? It pronounces wisdom, but in a hurry it stumbles over one stone. For the universe is framed, hinged upon a principle, from beginning to end, on reliance of this it might stand or fall.

A glorious crown for our King, for deception has shamed you. Oh truth, are you lost to the darkness!?

When God's word is silent all creation echoes.

The despair of the ages when its King is no more. Who shall speak? What shall they say? Does anyone understand? For it is a mystery of God.

The liar knew not the error of his way, when he swallowed more than he could chew. For in the bowels he had swallowed a sword, which cut him deep.

Aside door, let us see! For the seed was sewn, but hidden from thine eyes is He. It was sewn in the dark, so when it grew, its light might be apparent to those who see. World, where is your wisdom? Could you not see? Crucifying the Lord of Glory undid thee!

Principalities, show me your power. Have you not lost the key? For in your haste to kill the light of the world, powerless and desperate became ye.

Now nothing stands, not angel in heaven, nor demon below, not man or beast, upon which anything might oppose the truth of God's wisdom from ages old.

Tell me then, how can this be, that those who don't know, might proclaim thee?

You outstretch your arms, and bid them near. Oh, if they would listen and fear. Yet for those you chose, set apart from ages old, the truth of your ways brings rejoicing to their days. They incline their ear, so they might hear, the instruction of this shepherd and his love.

-------------------------

_"The Path" ie. truth has a plan for your life, and it's not too late to walk on it!

I recognize him as the one and only triune God, Jesus Christ. I hope you find what you are searching for.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

Havah said:


> *Any tips?* Have you been in a similar situation and how did you get out?


Yes my 30's was characterised in exactly this way. I had finished up my first big corporate career and longed for a bohemian life and change of pace. The one thing I had always wanted to do and never did was art, so I sold everything, drove my little car to a far flung corner of the earth and enrolled in a hands-on arts course. Afterwards I worked as a freelance artist selling my wares in local boutiques until I got sick of it. Then went back into fulltime paid employment which I have basically enjoyed since then. 

I was a lot like you, didn't like routines, 9-5? Ugh! Just dreamt of freedom, freedom and more of it. I think the only way to really get over it is to live a small dream of yours in whatever capacity. I soon found that as great as being an artist was, the business side of it was something I didn't particularly like. 

Anyway the job I fell into, while it's full-time I don't have a set routine, it's highly autonomous and I used to genuinely have a passion for it. It appeared (on the surface) to pay less than other jobs I could have gone back into. But I found that enjoyment and the unadvertised perks of the job made up for the money. I still managed to put aside more in this job than my high flying corporate career just because of the love I had for it. 

So here I am, at the end of that career now and looking to once again launch back into my art. This time a lot wiser, a hell of a lot more skilled business and people-wise and with a more realistic POV about what it's really going to entail. I didn't have the maturity or right skill set for it last time. I'm pretty sure I do have it now. 

*Long story-short* - Sometimes life just drifts because we lack the skills to do what we would really like to do. It doesn't mean our dream will never happen, it just means there's a few steps to getting there. 15yrs ago I had neither the skills, nor the determination nor the funds to launch into the life I really wanted. It was something I was only destined to do in my later life. But looking back on the first half, there is nothing there I would change. I wouldn't make any different decisions, I don't think I made any real mistakes. I am just the person who takes a while to get solid on who and what I am. And from where I stand now, it didn't really matter that I used a decade of my life to find myself. I don't think I would have found any answers if I'd deliberately set out to find them either. There were certain things I could only learn from experience and from drifting from one interest to the next.


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## 124567 (Feb 12, 2013)

Lots of good advice thanks! :happy:

@AriesLilith especially you described my life hehe. But it's not like people around will totally leave you alone...like expectations from family, but also society..I can't just ignore, as if it doesn't exist. I have no other choice but to go on welfare until I get a job, that's their plan, won't let anyone just _be_..but the past proved that I won't survive in those kind of jobs in the long run. 

I never was excited about living in the first place let alone that I have to 'fight' to just survive a normal life :sad: I actually don't want a simple life, I wanted an extraordinary..but my past worries drained me too much, lost motivation, and I just became content enough with the small things. 

I really needed the simple life for a period to find peace but from there I thought/hoped to see other ways..I have a need to create something of my own.

I'm the jack of all trades...I know a bit about 'everything' I guess, but never had the focus to just dive deep into only one. I don't feel like I have 'one' special talent. All I have is me and values. 

Gender is also an obstacle for me..say I have enough money to travel around the world..but I don't have similarminded people (actually lost touch with most, never had anything in common)..they are busy with their normal life..so as a female it's not exactly safe to solo travel :dry: 

Sometimes I wish I was a simple normal person who just did everything like everybody. Or just disappear..instead of floating around :ghost:

Something that is so wrong is when people say 'luck' doesn't exist and 'everything' is in our hands. O really, see the imbalance of world. Everything is *not *in our hands, perhaps 50%, but the rest is controlled by so much more.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

my friend was in the same situation as you. he went after his passion and didnt pan out. i gave him the same advice as @AriesLilith and together we were able to find a path that he can do, and probably will be good at.

life unfortunately is boring and very few of us will do something extraordinary in their life time.
i find satisfaction in small things i do for people. its really true. sometimes its not about changing the world, its about putting a smile on somebody.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I don't have one dominant passion, either, and it's been hard to find a path for myself as well. I'm slowly figuring out how to get certain desires/passions met by configuring things... like I know I can do psychology in my downtime but I don't like to do it for work... I think I would like to join a spiritual group because I'm not very good at cultivating that on my own... I like attending yoga classes but I wouldn't want to lead them... and so on...

@SomeLady, have you considered trying some work like being a recreational group leader or getting a certification in being a physical trainer or swim instructor? Those are pretty transferable jobs and they would play to your interests while letting you travel.


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## 124567 (Feb 12, 2013)

angelfish said:


> I don't have one dominant passion, either, and it's been hard to find a path for myself as well. I'm slowly figuring out how to get certain desires/passions met by configuring things... like I know I can do psychology in my downtime but I don't like to do it for work... I think I would like to join a spiritual group because I'm not very good at cultivating that on my own... I like attending yoga classes but I wouldn't want to lead them... and so on...
> 
> @SomeLady, have you considered trying some work like being a recreational group leader or getting a certification in being a physical trainer or swim instructor? Those are pretty transferable jobs and they would play to your interests while letting you travel.


That sounds interesting..never thought about it that way  The thing is that I'm interested in many things and focusing only on one...is difficult..then I'll feel like I'm missing the others..so I rather play it safe by not choosing instead of regretting a choice..I know not wise! 

I'm not comfortable with being a 'leader'..at least not the center of attention type..perhaps..a 'website leader' is more suited for introverts..


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## 124567 (Feb 12, 2013)

Yo again guys.

So I did what I've always been doing. I got a part time job, working 2 days a week, and the first 3 weeks I actually liked it. Even if it's a normal job where I'm a cashier at a grocery store..since in this state (moments of derealizations) this job grounds me and connects me with more people(even tho not my type of people) outside close people. Such jobs highlights my feeling of/differentness between me and most people..lol..which makes me feel alone anyway..

..BUT my plan for this year was to actually move to another city, if not country lol, and get a part time job there and start trying to do other stuff. 

But getting a job as quickly as I got isn't that easy, even for students..so should I tolerate the same city for one more year (I just don't want to see/meet the places/people from my past anymore since it reminds me of my depression moments..I just want everything new, from scratch.. 

..what to do..this simple job is just one part of the plan lol..so is it worth sacrifising one more year for it..or what..


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## saxol (Aug 20, 2015)

Only you can decide. The heart always knows what it wants but it can be difficult to know it at times, or most times, even. Our minds have a way of creating barriers to communicating to our heart and agreeing with it.


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## Laze (Feb 19, 2015)

I spent the past four years doing nothing but playing video games, going to the gym, and spending most nights lost in introspective thought until about 5 am. Due to that I decided to do a masters degree in psychology—I start next week.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

just remember. unless you planning on dying young, you havent wasted your life yet.


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## 124567 (Feb 12, 2013)

If we could always afford to follow our hearts..:love_heart:

It's final decision, I will not continue this job. I realized it became to repetitive, boring, and downright physically painful. Not for me. I feel like a robot, scanning food all the time + taking in every customers mixed energies. I can't waste one year of my youth in this. I will never work at such places again.

Thanks everybody, believe it or not, but you encouraged me to decide what's right for me. :happy: :crazy: 
This thread turned into a diary but yeah yeah :laughing:

_I may not be on the right path yet, but I know I'm not on the wrong path!_ -Me
It makes sense ok.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm in a similar situation. I don't feel like I have one focused thing I'm passionate about. I took some extra time to finish college due to time off, transferring, and addressing mental health concerns. I keep getting this nagging feeling that I wasted time or wasted life by taking that extra time to finish my degree. And now I'm feeling like I wasted half my 20s not working enough. Starting my first job since '09 tomorrow, and it's a temp job. I also eventually want to relocate and because of how much happier I was where I want to go (started college there), I feel like I'm wasting life not being there...

I am trying to stay in the mindset that passion isn't this fixed thing, like an internal force that you pursue (as I've typically thought of it). Because it's not really the case for me. And also saying you're wasting you life away suggests you have a preconceived notion of what your life is supposed to be, how you should be living it. I think this requires letting go of expectations or ways you've envisioned your life to be that aren't accurate or don't allow much flexibility. This is something I've found very challenging, personally, but I think it's the only way to be free of that nagging feeling. (The amount of time we spend in school probably has something to do with this - we're used to having a regimented daily schedule, spending our time in specific ways. Then without that can seem like you're aimlessly floating around).

Oh and I totally relate to not wanting to make choices you regret. I have that problem and it's good to an extent, to not blindly make decisions. But if it's something that is genuine on some level then it becomes an issue of risking making yourself vulnerable to those mistakes vs. not going with what seeems genuine.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

LoveLady said:


> It's been almost 5 years that I've been 'pathless'. Since last year until now I have at least 'beat' down depression, found more peace, and now have a clean slate that I could fill in with..I don't know what to fill it in with


The most mind boggling thing about life is that you will always living your own potential, while you are also capable of manipulating it to be doomed by it over and and over again. So, being "pathless" is not better or worse than blindly following a path like it's your fate. It may be a little more comforting to deceive yourself that way for sure but it's not so different in long term. You are born, interacting with your environment and you will die. It doesn't "really" matter if you were simply lost or rolled along tracks with confidence to reach nowhere. Second option will provide a better depression prevention for sure but it's good to know none of them will make you waste an amazing potential or provide you infinite satisfaction. You can still genuinely nurture yourself and discover many things while being pathless or drain your soul by chasing your own tail faster and faster everyday to compete with yourself and also others. So, it's not an excuse and you should question your mindset and how vulnerable it is with commitment to idealized roles/titles in your mind. 



LoveLady said:


> I even changed my real name and deleted old facebook to just forget everything and everyone..I dream of just moving to another country and start everything from there..


You will still be the same person, even if they call you potato. In the other hand, moving to another country sounds a little more promising. Not because it will erase and compensate your past, but because you will experience some other problems to overshadow the old ones. It's life. You lived and learned. You can't change the past but you can avoid the same mistakes in future. You don't have to dissect the past for doing that. Actually, you can't do that anyway.



LoveLady said:


> I never had enough peace of mind to do anything after high school (didn't exactly complete high school either) because of so much inner turmoil.


Just like everybody.



LoveLady said:


> I tried many ways to go back to school and just follow the common road but dropped out, and now the thought of going back to school once more makes me sick. I never was a career oriented person anyway.









LoveLady said:


> Besides school I've had different part time jobs and in the beginning it went well..until the routine made me restless and I started working somewhere else.


Again... That sounds completely normal. Everybody is experiencing same problems and manufacturing their own explanations to implement their own solutions to keep up their spirits. 



LoveLady said:


> My hobbies are reading about psychology/spirituality/philosophy/discovering/creating stuff, most physical activities, especially swimming and weight/strenght training. But perhaps right now I want adventure/travelling most (but I need money, and that goes back to should I study something and make money that way, or just start working at a part time job again) Both takes long time
> Following a routine like most people drains me comepletely.


Those things are not your hobbies, those are your interests. You should find something meaningless and meditative, not inspirational or exciting. Ferment vine at home, build model kits, paint glass, collect stones, just do something for it's own sake and learn a new useless skill and awkward details about the things you shouldn't really care. Obey a discipline you don't naturally find interesting and practice it with respect. Then, you will go back to your daily struggles and realize nothing is poking you that "personally" anymore and you obtained enough mental space with a fresh perspective. Be something more with novelties, don't increase your intensity with familiar feedback.



LoveLady said:


> Feeling like I'm wasting /dreaming my life away.. I feel like I'm supposed to just live a life and that feels so long for me, I'm bored how am I gonna live about 50 years more..I don't have one dominant passion that gives me energy..I'm just trying to fill my emptiness with anything that makes me feel good in hope of..finding..


Don't want, hope, believe, etc. If you think it's the right thing, just do it and "simply" fail when things go wrong. It's much better than expecting a savior to discover your quiet ambition to admire your cyclical resentment towards yourself.



LoveLady said:


> Any tips? Have you been in a similar situation and how did you get out?


I never get in... Or... Maybe I never realized I was inside all the time.


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