# lack of confidence and social life



## yara (Jul 28, 2009)

How does our confidence, whether its lack or over doing it, affect our social life with all its aspects; family, friends, work, relationships? I think it has a great effect. Let's share our experiences in light of our different personality types.
I'll talk about my own experiences as an INFP in a while after I hear from you, guys :wink:


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## Flamethrower (Aug 3, 2009)

yara said:


> How does our confidence, whether its lack or over doing it, affect our social life with all its aspects; family, friends, work, relationships? I think it has a great effect. Let's share our experiences in light of our different personality types.
> I'll talk about my own experiences as an INFP in a while after I hear from you, guys


 Well I can only talk mostly about lack of it since I am really shy and usually am not that self confident. From an INTJ point of view maybe that is partly because (apart from the obvious introversion thing) INTJs are very self critical or perfectionistic or something? So I would say,

Family: Not really much of a problem because they know me really well and my family is not very big. But I can be really shy around them even. :blushed:

Friends: Used to be really shy when I was a kid and this made it hard to make friends because I wasn't confident enough to approach other people. But in my 20s I realised that most people think of themselves as shy too and that if you approach others in a friendly manner they usually are really happy that someone else made the first move. So I am much happier about meeting new people now and have friends coming out my ears at times. But if I have to deal with more than a few friends at a time (or meeting great hordes of people) that makes me quite nervous. 

Work: I lack confidence the most with work things. Both because of aforementioned shyness and you often get stuck with large numbers of colleagues in some jobs, but also because – especially at the moment - I am teaching myself new things all the time and am not always sure how projects are going to work out when I start them. So I don't feel very confident at the moment and turn down projects I am not 100% sure about. Conversely being overly confident isn't a good thing either. I sound really confident on the phone when I am talking to my clients and sometimes I think they can start to think I can do just about anything which isn't true!

I think confidence is a pretty big thing in life. If you don't have a lot it can make things pretty difficult and awkward. But conversely overly confident people can sometimes appear arrogant and irritate others – though in work situations they usually do really well by ending up in management positions whether they actually have the correct knowledge to manage or not. When they don't have the correct knowledge it can seem a bit unfair.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

Family: I've always felt rather removed and out of place among my family, though I don't believe this has anything to do with confidence. I just feel too different from them to really relate. At family gatherings, I tend to stick with my sister and speak very little to everyone else. My sister is probably the only person I really get along with, but even she is very different from me. My friends are more my family than my biological family is. 

Friends: I've always been shy, especially as a child. However, I've learned to fake confidence in desperate situations where I don't know anyone. I usually manage to latch on to at least one person and just stay with them for comfort. The friendships I've made at school came rather easily to me. If you share a similar interest with someone, becoming their friend is almost effortless (for me anyways). I tend to just stick to the friends I've made, however, instead of seeking out more of them. If I happen to cross paths with someone else, then I'll befriend them. But I'm not very active about it.

Work: My problem there is not lack of confidence but lack of recognition. People tend to underestimate my abilities, which I find rather annoying, especially when it's based on gender. I know I am capable, but confidence doesn't do a whole lot of good if other people can't see it.

Relationships: This is where my confidence plummets. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to even the most basic dynamics of a relationship, as I don't innately know how they work. I've had to have people explain to me what a relationship consists of because I wasn't sure if I was "doing it right." I also need to constatly remind myself that the other person is genuinely interested in me, even if I can't figure out why. My tendency to be self-critical really weighs me down. I'll also admit to being insecure, which I know I have to work on. I'd say it's coming along, though.

I hope I answered your question, though looking back it seems a bit off base. In any case, I hope it was useful.


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## yara (Jul 28, 2009)

Liontiger said:


> Family: I've always felt rather removed and out of place among my family, though I don't believe this has anything to do with confidence. I just feel too different from them to really relate. At family gatherings, I tend to stick with my sister and speak very little to everyone else. My sister is probably the only person I really get along with, but even she is very different from me. My friends are more my family than my biological family is.
> 
> Friends: I've always been shy, especially as a child. However, I've learned to fake confidence in desperate situations where I don't know anyone. I usually manage to latch on to at least one person and just stay with them for comfort. The friendships I've made at school came rather easily to me. If you share a similar interest with someone, becoming their friend is almost effortless (for me anyways). I tend to just stick to the friends I've made, however, instead of seeking out more of them. If I happen to cross paths with someone else, then I'll befriend them. But I'm not very active about it.
> 
> ...


 actually you answered it perfectly, that's exactly how i feel ,u said everything i was planning to say:happy:


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I have hardly any confidence. If you've read my posts, I must tell you that I'm not being some lazy emo kid bitching about life. In reality, people are horrible to me. They lie to me, attempt to manipulate me, only use me as a tool, and actively hate on me, knowing I can't do anything back. If I react back to them in the way they treat me, I get in trouble. I'm in a terrible position, and my lot can't be improved. And then, people wonder why I look like I want to kill them.

For humans:


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Confidence. Hmm. Relationships with family are fine because I generally feel respected and people tend to liisten to me, if they didnt this would be a problem.

With friendships I'm getting better but I cant stand being crowded out so tend to have only a few friends at a time and the rest I keep at arms length.

Relationships not so good. I dont work well with unknowns so unless I'm put on the spot when someone approaches me I tend not to. Generally all of my past relationships I've been introduced to people through friends with only a few exceptions. I suppose I do come off as stern and not much fun until people scratch the surface.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Social Services UK*



mortabunt said:


> I have hardly any confidence. If you've read my posts, I must tell you that I'm not being some lazy emo kid bitching about life. In reality, people are horrible to me. They lie to me, attempt to manipulate me, only use me as a tool, and actively hate on me, knowing I can't do anything back. If I react back to them in the way they treat me, I get in trouble. I'm in a terrible position, and my lot can't be improved. And then, people wonder why I look like I want to kill them.
> 
> For humans:


It is the Horsemen and Guardians mainly and I have the same trouble. They call us Spooks. I have been told that it is the policy of the Social Services in the UK to induce all Spooks to commit suicide* as they are a threat to the established Order. This is not an accident, it is Government policy. The Artisans are our allies against the Guards, although they can be rivals as well. 

*The method used is ambush attacks by paid agents of the Police Force UK and smear campaigns by the perpetrators, organised rape of both men and women for political ends by extreme Authoritarian parties one known as Dark Star. The Social Services are in on the game as well. If they cannot stitch you up with a criminal record (catch you with the hand in the till) they will invent a mental illness and stigmatise you with it. All complaints are symptoms of the illness. This tract is PARANOIA.


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## Deagalman (Jul 3, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> I have hardly any confidence. If you've read my posts, I must tell you that I'm not being some lazy emo kid bitching about life. In reality, people are horrible to me. They lie to me, attempt to manipulate me, only use me as a tool, and actively hate on me, knowing I can't do anything back. If I react back to them in the way they treat me, I get in trouble. I'm in a terrible position, and my lot can't be improved. And then, people wonder why I look like I want to kill them.
> 
> For humans: YouTube - Sum 41 - We're All To Blame


You will get there. All you have to do is balance your emotions. Reread what you wrote. It's all animus and not the real you. You can stand up for yourself and you can use extraverted intuition to get a real picture of why they are doing what they are doing. Your functions are just out of wack right now. And don't take offense to this. I'm sharing this with you because I did the exact same thing. I saw the world as hostile and divided my friends into enemies and lashed out like a madman. If I can help to prevent you from exploding, atleast my horrible experiences were worth something. Consider also that you aren't perfect and humble yourself by reminiscing about the terrible things you have done to people. I'm sure you will see that you are just as capable and realize that nothing is at the level of extremity you described. The problem is once someone gets to your point of hostility everything is treated as a hostile threat. I come to you with friendly advice and a cautionary tale(what little I mentioned of my past) about why you should strive to get into a balance. Stress release and catharsis will bring you back up to earth. Right now, you are at the gates of hell. Human goodness and decency still exists. Come back to Earth.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I'm not just at the gates of hell, they've dragged me inside.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> I'm not just at the gates of hell, they've dragged me inside.




The Sore Dragon: Marriage of Heaven & Hell


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

*Friends:*
I'm a total attention whore. I enjoy attention from crowded people. I love my friends. All of them. They are my sunshine. My core energy to live life to its fullest. My biggest supporter that helps me building my high esteem and self confidence.

But I'm also a person with manner, and I often feel afraid that I don't bring myself in the right appropriate manner in front of people. I do care of what people think of me. And I can't stand of making mistakes because I can't handle criticism, mostly from myself. When this behavior comes out, people who doesn't know me will think that I'm a shy introvert person.

*Family:*
I hold my deepest secrets from my family. I share it only to my bestfriends. I think what my family needs to know is that I'm a good decent woman with pride and I won't humiliate my family in the society. I love my family, even though they had hurt me a lot in the past. According to my family, I'm a cheerful introvert girl.

*Work:*
I hate lies. I don't lie. Therefore, I hate jobs that require me to lieing or to fake my friendliness, like sales, public relations, promotions, accountant, consultant, etc.

Colleagues have respect towards me because I'm honest, easy going, reliable, and I always have creative ideas. I keep my distance from my boss because I want him to judge me based on my work quality, not because of my personality (even though I'm very confident with it). I just hate subjective opinion.

*Relationship:*
I was an unhealthy ESTJ. So guys tend to keep their distance from me when it comes to relationship. I had gain so much improvement since 4 years ago. Now I'm a much better person. But my bad image in the past is not helping me to get any guy.

So, I haven't got a chance to figure out how my confidence affecting my relationship.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Treason*



Perseus said:


> The Sore Dragon: Marriage of Heaven & Hell





Billy Blake had the same sort of trouble from a Dog Soldier ISTJ? in Felpham Sussex.


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## NewSoul (Mar 27, 2009)

Friends: Well, I don't have any friends currently and lack of confidence certainly affects that. However, when I was in elementary school I really didn't notice at all what people thought of me. I had lots of friends, though none were very close. (I wasn't invited to a lot of birthday parties.) Each year of elementary school, I would find a new set of "best friends." Good times.  In fourth and fifth grade, my friends stopped changing. And in middle school, I began to notice that people judged you on how you looked or whatever. (My self-confidence went down a ton.) I lost some of my old friends and didn't get any new ones. Now that I'm in high school, I wouldn't really consider anyone I know to be my friend.

Family: Family is about the only thing I have. Sometimes I find them annoying, but I don't know what I'd do without them. I'm free to laze around and be pretty much myself when I'm around them. Friends can come and go, but family is forever. I'm still a very private person and I don't share my problems with my family, but they're the best "friends" I have. Confidence is not an issue here.


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