# How do you control your anger?



## 1imaan1 (Jun 25, 2020)

Like when it gets so hard that you just can't help but blurt out anything and everything. It's a serious issue i have. My mind gets blank when i get angry so I can't think of any positive qualities of people. My whole body gets numb and the blood boils up. I don't know but something happens to my mouth which urges me to speak the things which i regret afterwards. And only after throwing out the anger, i feel relieved and after sometime i regret. Because everytime i try to be good, i lose due to my aggressiveness. And reason i get angry can be anything. Whether it's family or any one else. How do i have a contol on this?

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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

I used to have a best friend many years ago with anger issues, and whenever she is mad at me she would start taking out her anger onto me, and start emotionally abusing me, and her anger issues is what ultimately ended our friendship, as I don't put up with abusive behaviors from people. I think I've given her plenty of chances too,
I've forgiven her abusive behaviors for at least 10 times until I couldn't take it anymore and decide to cut her out from my life forever. This is such a tough decision for me to make at that time, given that she is my best friend and is supposedly the closest person to me in my life, but I have to place my mental health first.
So this is generally what happens when a person is unable to control their anger, they ended up losing the people who are important to them, as nobody is willing to tolerate their abusive behaviors. Just sharing this over here as I hope that this would be able to help motivate you to control your anger. 

Imo the way to control your anger is to avoid being around the person you're mad at until you've calmed down and able to think rationally around them again. Once you feel like you've calmed down and you're no longer mad at them anymore, then you can start interacting with them again. This is to prevent yourself from saying any rash words to them.
Remember, people will forget what you did and said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.


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## ThisNameWorks (Mar 11, 2017)

I found vocalizing my frustration early on helps.
If these are beginning to frustrate me, I express that in some manner. Sometimes I have actual words to say, other times all I can let out are some long loud grunts.

It also helps to have someone to talk to. I’ll usually explain what happened then ultimately proceed to make light of it all. I’ll make jokes.

If it gets worse, I often play angry music and start an argument with myself as I stomp around my home blindly. Other times I just bite the bullet use marijuana, it always changes my mood.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

All I can think of is leaving the room when you feel an anger attack coming on. Or telling yourself "Don't go there." I've done this with other kinds of thoughts.

As an INTP, I'm often not aware of how I feel--until I've been pushed to the limit and find myself reacting. (In my case it usually means running away.) But maybe in that split second we can choose a different reaction. 

Good luck!


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## 1imaan1 (Jun 25, 2020)

Schizoid said:


> Remember, people will forget what you did and said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.


 I actually found it useful. It will help me control my anger. Thank you very much 



YearseRayneDon said:


> all I can let out are some long loud grunts.
> 
> If it gets worse, I often play angry music and start an argument with myself as I stomp around my home blindly.


 If i do it, I'll probably get a slap from mum:/ Anyway, thank you so much for sharing this. If i ever get a chance, I'll surely try this. 






islandlight said:


> All I can think of is leaving the room when you feel an anger attack coming on. Or telling yourself "Don't go there." I've done this with other kinds of thoughts.


 That's something i advise everyone else but forget to do it myself. Because it's very hard to not reply to comments of my siblings and simply walk away. They get on my nerves. Thank you very much friend 



Canis Lupas /##/


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## 17041704 (May 28, 2020)

Throw stuff, punch things, get laid.


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## Gurthang (Aug 21, 2019)

Anger is a very valid emotion - and just like with our other emotions it is a reaction to what is going on in our lives. For example: If someone should behave in a way that leaves you feeling violated, perhaps stepping too close to [or all over] your boundaries, then anger will arise quite naturally.

As with all emotion it is long-term unhealthy to block or deny them, as these contain important information about yourself, your current situation, and even [other people in] your surroundings. Ideally a person should acknowledge their emotions and try to process them intellectually.

As with all other emotion, when it comes let it come - without resisting, instead observe - what is it, and why do you feel this way?

In this way your raw emotion will [through the use of your intellect] be transformed into feelings. A consciousness is gained.

This is how you control your emotion [and also then by extension, your feelings], by not trying to block, deny, resist or in other ways control them - instead use them as they were intended; let them fuel you while you observe and learn, live and grow on them.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

1imaan1 said:


> Like when it gets so hard that you just can't help but blurt out anything and everything. It's a serious issue i have. My mind gets blank when i get angry so I can't think of any positive qualities of people. My whole body gets numb and the blood boils up. I don't know but something happens to my mouth which urges me to speak the things which i regret afterwards. And only after throwing out the anger, i feel relieved and after sometime i regret. Because everytime i try to be good, i lose due to my aggressiveness. And reason i get angry can be anything. Whether it's family or any one else. How do i have a contol on this?
> 
> Sent from my ASUS_X01AD using Tapatalk


I get annoyed and frustrated easily but true RAGE is something I don't do very often.


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## passionate (Jan 7, 2017)

I'm generally a calm person, people often ask me "do you ever get angry?". Of course I'm human and I do experience that emotion, but it takes _a great deal_ for someone to tick me off. I also manage to calm myself down quickly.

I do experience frustrations every now and then, but never allow my negative emotions to take control. In fact, you'd find me smiling and acting cool. I'd forget about it in a bit. In the rare cases where I'm experiencing _anger_, I might seem quiet. It's because I'd be processing my feelings, and think twice or more before talking. Being careful with my words to avoid hurting others over temporary emotions. It's exactly what Schizoid said:


Schizoid said:


> people will forget what you did and said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.


Here's precisely what I do: analyze and study the _frustrating situation_, self-reflect and validate my feelings, change my environment (change the topic, walk around, get a snack.. just get out of the zone for few minutes), or just hug someone. It's only a matter of minutes and I'd completely forget why I was mad in the first place.

Worst worst case scenario I lost control, I'd just cry uncontrollably LOL! That rarely ever happens though, thank god. It's so embarrassing. When that happens I refuse to talk, because it would be hard for me to process the situation and pick my words carefully. So yeah, only allowing myself to talk once I calm down a bit.


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## ImpossibleHunt (May 30, 2020)

Generally, what I feel on the inside is not reflective on the outside (again, generally).
I can feel angered pretty easily, but I found that I can keep my cool rather well. I find that most problems can be fixed if you distance yourself from the issue, and then focus on it in an objective sense. Emotions just tend to tangle everything up, and make things more complicated than they generally need to be.

If I feel angry, I will generally just focus on what I am doing. I will then be pre-occupied and then won't have time to really care.
Unfortunately, there are times that doesn't work. If I feel especially annoyed, I sometimes can adopt certain characteristics. For example, I tend to stare (people have accused me of looking at them like they are an idiot), and I can get very snarky and cutting when I am stressed out or angered by something.

Again, I just try and compare the two possible scenarios. One, where I let the person know that I am angry, will often just lead to an argument, and just feels like a big waste of energy. Why choose that option, when you can just suppress how you are feeling (not because you don't care, but because it makes the most sense in the general context), and not have to deal with most of the damage control afterwards?


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## Posie_girl90 (Jun 25, 2020)

I try not to get super angry, because it can be a problem I have especially when people come after my friends or my own opinions. When I get like that I either try to understand it's just them being thoughtless or their opinion of things, but I'd be lying if I said that always works. Usually, I just put on some angsty music and belt out my feelings, if I can't do that I just think of all the beautiful comebacks I have stored away that would have effortlessly destroyed them and that always makes me feel better


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## SentientBeing (Aug 19, 2020)

I normally visualize... I would think of multiple reasons why anger is illogical and does not serve the purpose of the higher good, or any good in general. Meditation is also a good option or sleeping. 

I think anger can be a useful emotion, but only when it's manufactured and not uncontrolled. Cold anger can assist in getting your point across. Hot anger just leads to bad decision.


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## oliviaofneptune (Jun 26, 2014)

I think CBT can be really helpful for anger issues because acting out on anger is a behavior, and adjusting negative behaviors to more healthy ones is what most therapists will teach us to do. Maybe start by keeping a journal (or even just a sheet of paper to keep in your pocket) and write down all the times you feel your blood boiling and like you just have to say something. Once you notice a pattern that might be a good time to figure out what your triggers are. An exercise that comes to mind is visualizing your triggers manifesting, and then try to stay calm while you think about what triggers your anger.

Some good questions to keep in mind:
What do you think will happen if you _don't_ say something when you're this angry? In the future, will you be happy with the things you said while in this state of mind?
Are my triggers important enough to warrant me losing control? (It is possible to feel angry without losing control)


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

I, personally, pray, and I do believe that prayer helps. I believe it has its own merit.
I appreciate that, however, a lot of people on here are atheist, or at least, areligious. In that case, it pays to pause. In addition to the primary benefits, prayer has the added benefit of forcing you to pause and think about the root of the problem.

Usually if something triggers you, you might be surprised how little your anger has to do with triggering event.
I'll give an example: I find the behavior of entitled people on the far left deeply offensive. I believe, a big reason, some of their antics is so triggering, is possibly because it reminds me of how my brother, who often verbally abused me, treated me as a child. Or, it might remind me of a narcissistic relative. I might get angry about how certain things are presented in the news, because I had to postpone my wedding due to government travel bans, which is deeply frustrating.

Sometimes, analyzing your feelings to get at the root of why something angers you so much can give you the perspective you need. At any rate, it's a good idea to pause, and not do or say anything in the heat of anger.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

1imaan1 said:


> Like when it gets so hard that you just can't help but blurt out anything and everything. It's a serious issue i have. My mind gets blank when i get angry so I can't think of any positive qualities of people. My whole body gets numb and the blood boils up. I don't know but something happens to my mouth which urges me to speak the things which i regret afterwards. And only after throwing out the anger, i feel relieved and after sometime i regret. Because everytime i try to be good, i lose due to my aggressiveness. And reason i get angry can be anything. Whether it's family or any one else. How do i have a contol on this?
> 
> Sent from my ASUS_X01AD using Tapatalk


What worked for me is whenever I feel angry I need to be alone to introspect my thoughts, I tend to go out for a long drive or walk. It’s hard to get your point across and receive information when you’re feeling angry ( whether or not your reasons right or wrong) . 
I don’t talk about my frustration until I’m in a calmer mood . 


Perhaps try making a list on what is bothering you - what annoys you last and then look through and see if your action is justified- and write down what to do next time when approach with the situation. Many times what work for me is to write a letter ( but rip it up afterwards) to whomever I’m mad at .


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## Argenio (Oct 29, 2019)

Not long ago I found on Youtube a great meditation by a famous hypnotherapist named M. Ginzburg. He says that after doing it for a week you will notice the changes in your character. It lasts for only 10 minutes and he recommends to do it twice a day. I have been doing it for several days and can prove that it is effective.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Identifying when you’re getting frustrated is inportant to intervening to avoid an angry outburst. In noticing the feeling kf being irritated one can take action to consider why this is and whether to assert boundaries against the person overstepping them, whether your attitude needs a check or whether you should address some need like fatigue and hunger. Unmet needs make anyone testy.


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## Vinisius (Nov 14, 2019)

Argenio said:


> Not long ago I found on Youtube a great meditation by a famous hypnotherapist named M. Ginzburg. He says that after doing it for a week you will notice the changes in your character. It lasts for only 10 minutes and he recommends to do it twice a day. I have been doing it for several days and can prove that it is effective.


Meditation works. That is true. But you should give it much more time than say a week. I started to feel some significant changes only after 2 (!) months of constant practice.


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## bearlybreathing (Aug 6, 2013)

If we're talking absolute rage, now I run as fast as I can around the block, then go inside and scream into a pillow until I calm down enough. A step down from rage and I journal. I try to "uncover" what's really causing that anger. Is someone frustrating me? Do I feel rejected or abandoned? Have I made (yet another) mistake and feel like a failure? Then I deal with the root cause. Anger always stems from another emotion.


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## blueberry22 (May 11, 2018)

With a lot of patience.


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## Drecon (Jun 20, 2016)

Try to find out what triggers it. Usually anger means that you feel powerless. Try to find out where your locus of control begins and ends and try to spot warning signs that things are going wrong early. If you're angry a lot it's probably because you feel like you don't have a lot of control over your life and you want to be part of the process. 
Try to figure out what you can do to be part of that process. 
Maybe you have parents who decide things for you. In that case you might find a way to get them to make you part of the conversation and work with them instead of against them. 
Maybe you have friends who take advantage of you. In that case, learn to say no at the right time and don't have them assume anything of you. 
Maybe you have a partner who is bad for you in some way. Cutting toxic relationships from your life can put you back in control of your life. 

I can't tell you in a vacuum what exactly it is that is causing you frustration but it's important to try to take control of the things that are causing you this frustration. Talk to people and make sure you're part of the decision-making process. 

In theory it's possible that you might have ADHD and emotional regulation issues that come with it. For me, medication has helped me a lot in seeing what caused me to be angry and has helped me to be an active participant in my own life. 
It's not a magic bullet, but it can be part of a solution if you have ADHD.


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## Rant Casey (Oct 8, 2020)

I used to have a lot of anger issues when I was younger. When my anger reaches a tipping point I will fight others, smash and break things, yell, drive very fast and erratically, etc. and it doesn't matter where - there were many times I would fight others in the middle of class, yell at my principal, flip over desks, all kinds of craziness.

Having perspective has certainly helped. What used to make me mad I have come to learn are small enough inconveniences that the resulting problems and punishments I'd receive after losing my temper were bigger inconveniences than the things that triggered these outbursts.

Having a sense of humor and being witty has helped a lot too. Before, when someone annoyed me I may explode on them but now I will hit them with a one-liner and engage them with banter back and forth until they stop doing whatever it is that angered me.

If I can't engage with them in banter than I may vent to someone else around me.

If all that fails then I simply remove myself from the situation physically and return after my anger has subsided. Even when I do blow up on people still from time to time I have become very good at keeping it to yelling and no longer throwing the first punch or breaking things.


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## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

Constantly putting on a big fake smile and pretending to like people you can't fucking stand, then beating yourself up whenever your true thoughts and feelings slip out, is no way to go through life.

Recommendation: Select for yourself better companions, and stop hanging out with people you can't fucking stand. You will be AMAZED at how much better your life is, not just when it comes to feeling angry, but in every possible respect.

There's over seven billion people in the world, so don't tell me they're not out there.


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## ivegotthemunchies (Nov 17, 2018)

Getting out of the situation


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## 545769 (Apr 3, 2019)

I will leave the situation for a short time. I used to feel childish about that until one time an older person told me that if you can refrain yourself from blowing up and walk away from the situation, that is a a sign that you still have some form of control over yourself.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

I go do something physical or find something to ease my mind off what's angering me. I don't become angry all that often though as I'd prefer forgiveness than being mad about something or even everything, which happens and sucks when it does.


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## theablekingathelstan (Oct 27, 2020)

depends on what causes it.
Like there was a medical plot to deny me life access, and I just do things to get them to section me away, which they won't do to their favourites.


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