# Turn-offs



## Dimensional Transition (Sep 12, 2011)

Holy shit. This thread actually frightens me. You people have way too many turn-offs. I'm pretty sure everybody has at least _one_ turn-off from every one of your huge lists... It all depends on the circumstances, folks.

I can't really think of even one big turn-off. Someone is either attractive to me or not for some reason. I'm not on the look-out for special 'symptoms' I don't like... Everybody has his/her flaws, I suppose.

I think I used to consider Uggs a turn-off, but now I realized I really don't give a damn. Even a girl with a peach fuzz can be attractive. I suppose being a shitty person is a turn-off? And me simply not being physically attracted to someone? I've been both turned on and turned off by fat girls, skinny girls, shy girls, confident girls... It all depends on the person as a whole.


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## Gray Skies (Dec 27, 2010)

My turnoffs:

-Is wearing or at one time was required to wear a straight jacket
-Smokes or takes drugs
-Wasteful with money (think they need to shop for new clothes every week)
-Passive aggressiveness
-Bad hygiene
-Being loud and obnoxious

This one is more superficial. Occasionally I don't mind if it's subtle and the person can pull it off though, so it's not an absolute:

-Weird piercings (lip, eyebrow, nose)


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

Personality-
Being stupid/irrational
A bad temper
Controlling/overly organized
Lots of small talk
Expects me to carry the conversation because I'm "the man"
Very radical ideology
Drugs/smoking/excessive alchohol

Physical-
Obesity, bad hygiene, or resembling a 12 year old boy. That's about it.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Shouting "Oh yes, I'm fucking an aerobic instructor!" during sex


...

Really?

Someone actually did this?

:dry:


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## Elsewhere1 (Mar 22, 2011)

@Eerie

Lmao!! I couldn't read past your first sentence and I was cracking up!! Thanks for the laugh!


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## Elsewhere1 (Mar 22, 2011)

Turn Offs:

Bad breath
Smoking
Rudeness
Racism
Arrogance
Beligerance
Uncleanliness
Ignorance


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## KneeSeekerArrow (Jan 8, 2012)

-Stupidity
-Piety
-Poverty


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

strawberryLola said:


> Compulsive need to visit Big Daddy Daycare joints (i.e., practically nude coffee shops)
> *Scent of moth balls *
> An abundance of drenched cologne
> Not understanding what "No" means
> ...


I CAN'T STAND WHEN SOMEONE SMELLS LIKE MOTH BALLS. I've been around or even NEAR people with moth ball breath and it's freaking disgusting. It makes me want to gag. On the flip side, I only find farts amusing when I've known the person for a while and we've breached the awkwardness. I will not allow myself to get disrespected with it though. I think it's inappropriate to fart on someone purposefully, especially in their face. That's reserved for siblings and siblings only in my world.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

- Bad hygiene (body, mouth, and everything else)
- Crooked/bad teeth (I can appreciate teeth with character but there's a point when it's not cute)
- Racism/antisemitism 
- Sexism
- Differing political views (I don't want to fucking argue with someone I live with all the time. I do it now and it's not fun to debate as it goes nowhere)
- A sense of humor that doesn't match mine
- Gratuitously inappropriate in public or around sensitive people (The "I don't give a fuck" attitude isn't cute, don't ever wonder why you're never invited out with friends)
- Talking about other people being hot/sexy
- Talking about the sex you've had with previous partners when it wasn't asked about


...and I'm sure there's more.


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## Who (Jan 2, 2010)

I don't really keep track of mine. I think most "turn offs" don't matter because people can fix things like poor hygiene, bad breath, how often they talk, and so on. Being turned off by someone's natural habits has never made sense to me because it's like you're expecting people to conform to your standards when they have no way of knowing what they are.

I'm not saying there aren't things that turn me off but I just don't really think of them because there have been instances where I thought certain aspect of someone's personality would be frustrating. Like this one girl who had a sense of humor that I at first found unfunny and annoying. Then as I got to know her, I still found her jokes stupid, but they were kind of endearing to me in this convoluted hard-to-explain way. It's like every time I ever had something I considered a turn off, I either met a girl that somehow made me overlook it like that or I never encounter it at all so I don't really see the point in keeping track of them.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Off the top: immaturity, ghettoness, crassness, materialism, superficiality, fakeness, dishonesty, ditziness, unintelligence/stupidity, dependency, inability to have deep discussions or talk about anything important, drugs/smoking. Things like racism and sexism go without saying. Those are things I don't like in human beings *period*, quite apart from turn-ons/offs. I should probably think about it and make a list, more for increasing my own self-knowledge. Often we have vague ideas in our head, but we never actually crystallize them by actually thinking about them and writing them down, thus concretizing them.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I am turned off by a man who displays
insensitivity,
a lack of dependability,
a tendency to run away from conflicts instead of working through them,
a desire to change me,
unwillingness to be comforting and supportive,
unwillingness to respect my emotional boundaries or to take my feelings seriously,
a tendency to condescend or treat me like I am overreacting when I am passionate about something,
arrogance,
lack of moral certainty,
incompatible values,
a preoccupation with structure, hygiene or tidiness, 
any kind of unfair prejudice,
materialistic tendencies,
superficiality,
aggression,
a tendency to be excessively ambitious,
cruelty,
and/or a tendency to conform needlessly because of social cowardice.


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Wow, as for low self confidence, I sure am screwed in the future. >.>


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## bronzelady (Mar 11, 2012)

Excessively lazy and selfish individuals.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Irresponsiblilty
Walking around with your feel out
Promiscuity
Attention seeking behavior
Being too emotionally expressive/dependent
Only ever staying on the surface of an issue
Partaking in niceities
Making decisions based on how you "feel"
Bad hygeine
Having an opinion about something and not being informed on the issue

Im uber judgemental and I don't really see much stock in trying to hide it. All people are, but because im Te dom I feel the need to tell people exactly what I think.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Chipps said:


> Having an opinion about something and not being informed on the issue


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

- Smoking, drinking alcohol, or using other drugs.
- A lot of piercings or tattoos.
- Loud, obnoxious, and/or overly arrogant.

I can usually work with just about anything else. Those above are pretty much no-nos though.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

I am surprised people have mentioned stuff like unfaithful partners, racism and sexism. They're no- brainers. 

Anyway, I forgot to mention that fiscal irresponsibility and a lack of ambition are immediate turn-offs. 

I am also turned off by anyone who's oversensitive and feels bad at the drop of a hat. I dated this guy who constantly complained that I was hurting his feelings/not paying attention to him. It..didn't last. I have an irreverent sense of humour, and if you're offended easily, it will not work. 

I can't, for the life of me, stand an emotionally demanding partner. I will end up depriving them of affection and attention or whatever they're demanding of me, in retaliation. It won't be pretty.


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## Harley (Jul 5, 2009)

Haha nobody has said this yet but for me, I cannot stand:

*PICKY EATERS*, and this includes people with food allergies; yes I know it's not their fault and out of their control, but I love eating food and I refuse to change my eating habits for anyone. I love eating out and checking out new restaurants, and I would be pissed as hell if I couldn't eat out of half of the restaurants in the city because my date has decided to adopt some "gluten-free" diet or refuses to eat any meat that can't be visibly identified. Fuck that shit.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@Harley, How on earth did I forget picky eaters! 

Wow, yeah, I wouldn't date one. I am a total foodie, and I can't stand people who have a long list of things they won't eat. It makes meal planning and restaurant selection very tedious. I am also not the most accommodating when it comes to food, except in cases of allergies and other health concerns. On a different note, I will not be one to give up eating meat around a partner because it offends them or whatever. Certain boundaries should be respected. I won't tell you what to eat, where to eat and so on; and, I won't have someone interfering with my dietary pleasures.


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## Harley (Jul 5, 2009)

Boss said:


> On a different note, I will not be one to give up eating meat around a partner because it offends them or whatever. Certain boundaries should be respected. I won't tell you what to eat, where to eat and so on; and, I won't have someone interfering with my dietary pleasures.


Urghh, I dated a vegetarian who was like that. At first I didn't mind, but then I realized how incredibly ridiculous that request was. Also at my work, I can't stand when self-righteous vegeterians ask me to change my gloves before handing their food simply because they are "hard-core vegetarians". What...the hell, not only is that a stupid request but has absolutely no rational reasoning behind it. If you don't want your food tainted with meat, then please don't eat at a mexican grill (because the veggies are stored right beside the meats in the fridge...dun, dun, dun).


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

-Doing drugs, except the legal ones, because the law teaches good lessons.


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## Nomen Nescio (Feb 13, 2012)

Boss said:


> I am surprised people have mentioned stuff like unfaithful partners, racism and sexism. They're no- brainers.


I don't mind racist people. In my mind, they're on the same moral plane as religious people and I have nothing against religious people either. As long as they keep their opinions on a low key, it doesn't affect me.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Nomen Nescio said:


> I don't mind racist people. In my mind, they're on the same moral plane as religious people and I have nothing against religious people either. As long as they keep their opinions on a low key, it doesn't affect me.


I believe it's safe for me to presume then, that you're not a minority. In which case it's not a problem one has to deal with as a member of the dominant group, hence it doesn't really matter what other people think of other groups one isn't a member of as it's irrelevant to one's self.


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## Dupree (Feb 21, 2010)

Besides the universal turn-offs like poor hygiene and ignorance, I don't think I have any consistency in what I consider to be unattractive. Sometimes the things I love about people become so redundant in the long run that they eventually become turn-offs. I consider myself fair. People are really fucked up so as long as they try to better themselves and I notice change in them then I'll always be happy for them. So I guess my only consistent turn-off is an unwillingness to better oneself.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Nomen Nescio said:


> I don't mind racist people. In my mind, they're on the* same moral plane* as religious people and I have nothing against religious people either. As long as they keep their opinions on a low key, it doesn't affect me.


Being religious is not the same as being a bigot. I am not sure about what "moral plane" you speak of. I am surprised that you have such tolerance for racist folk, but I am sure you'll feel differently if that racism were ever directed towards you. Anyway, I don't want to derail the thread. You can VM me a reply, if you're interested.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Boss said:


> I am surprised people have mentioned stuff like unfaithful partners, racism and sexism. They're no- brainers.
> .


Yeah, seriously. But then again so is hygiene...


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Eerie said:


> Yeah, seriously. But then again so is hygiene...


There's a difference between a turn-off and a deal breaker (sometimes the two coincide and sometimes they don't). Though, it does turn me off, I wouldn't immediately reject someone because of B.O., if they have (*A lot of*) other things going for them. It's something that can be worked on. But, racism and sexism take assholery to another level (an intolerable one).


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Harley said:


> Urghh, I dated a vegetarian who was like that. At first I didn't mind, but then I realized how incredibly ridiculous that request was. Also at my work, I can't stand when self-righteous vegeterians ask me to change my gloves before handing their food simply because they are "hard-core vegetarians". What...the hell, not only is that a stupid request but has absolutely no rational reasoning behind it. If you don't want your food tainted with meat, then please don't eat at a mexican grill (because the veggies are stored right beside the meats in the fridge...dun, dun, dun).


Yeah, that kind of thing would be a turn-off, not because of the specific beliefs per se, but just that that style of inconsistent thinking would permeate into other areas and I'd constantly be frustrated by our conversations.


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## Vexilla Regis (May 4, 2011)

Judgemental people


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Harley said:


> Haha nobody has said this yet but for me, I cannot stand:
> 
> *PICKY EATERS*, and this includes people with food allergies; yes I know it's not their fault and out of their control, but I love eating food and I refuse to change my eating habits for anyone. I love eating out and checking out new restaurants, and I would be pissed as hell if I couldn't eat out of half of the restaurants in the city because my date has decided to adopt some "gluten-free" diet or refuses to eat any meat that can't be visibly identified. Fuck that shit.


There are a few things I don't like, like mushroom and onion and cilantro but Im always willing to give them both another go as long as the entire dish isn't doused in them. I can't stand those people that wont try or retry anything just because they might not like it. it makes me think of a child. children do that crap. i dated someone that was a picky eater, it is so fucking selfish to me because they don't care if they inconvenience anyone and they never want to be judged for it. 

I had a friend that only ate pizza, hamburgers and fries, chicken strips and fries, steak, chicken parm, spaghetti, ice cream sundaes, a few side dishes like macaroni and mash potatoes, and that was pretty much it. He literally would not eat or try anything else. He only ate Americanized food and only the list of things above. We couldnt go to sushi, thai, indian, ethopian or whatever because of him. It pissed me off.


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## Nomenclature (Aug 9, 2009)

"I hate dubstep" or worse, "All dubstep is the same." You see, that's why some people commit HOURS to finding new music-- variety and obscurity within the genre. Asdfjdlskfjsdfklgjdfg when people think Skrillex's wobbly high-pitched sound defines dubstep.

It goes hand-in-hand with having an opinion on something and knowing so little about it.

Also, if you're not willing to grind on me or pound me to dubstep, it's not working out.


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## Richard (Aug 16, 2011)

wub wub wub wubwubwubwub wuuuuuuuuuubbbb


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

I guess the main things that would make some people unattractive to me include - 

* Bigotry. If you're a racist, homophobe, misogynist, transphobe or xenophobe then I just won't find you attractive.
* Religious fundamentalism. Normal religiosity is fine, but fundamentalism certainly is not.
* Overly conservative in their world view.
* No interest in reading and/or learning, or thinks that one or both of those is a waste of time.
* Smoking indoors or near me. If you really have to smoke cigarettes, I would prefer it if it was done outside.
* Overly submissive/traditional. I'm not looking for a domestic servant or a doormat. Also, anyone who believes in strict gender roles.
* Watches reality television, especially ones which follow Z-list "celebrities".
* Reads tabloid "newspapers", including the Daily Mail.
* Doesn't question authority.
* Thinks that healthy means skinny or muscular depending on biological sex.
* Hates animals.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Boss said:


> I am surprised people have mentioned stuff like unfaithful partners, racism and sexism. They're no- brainers.
> 
> Anyway, I forgot to mention that fiscal irresponsibility and a lack of ambition are immediate turn-offs.
> 
> ...


At least we aren't competing for the same men. Sensitivity is a requirement for me, being emotionally expressive is mandatory, and I don't like being with someone who has no need for me. It would make things unequal. 

I would rather be with someone lazy and poor than with someone who would pay more attention to his job than to me. 

I am surprised hygiene matters to so many people. If a guy washes with soap every day or wears deodorant, I have trouble smelling his body through it, and lacking any natural scent or smelling artificial is a turn off for me. It bothers me that people think it is universally required.

Essentially, what I want is nearly the exact opposite of what you want, perhaps because your ultimate turn-off would be someone I could relate to on pretty much every level. 

So, guys, It means there is someone out there who will love you no matter what you are like, which should be a reassuring thought to those of you who are worried about not being able to live up to anyone's expectations.


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## Nomen Nescio (Feb 13, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> I believe it's safe for me to presume then, that you're not a minority.


I actually qualify as a minority(Part of the 3%), so it's not that. I just don't think it's that big of a deal. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're only feeding their hate. 



snail said:


> I am surprised hygiene matters to so many people. If a guy washes with soap every day or wears deodorant, I have trouble smelling his body through it, and lacking any natural scent or smelling artificial is a turn off for me. It bothers me that people think it is universally required.


The problem with that is that body odor is hit or miss, there are some people I can smell all day and some people who make me recoil in disgust. Just to be courteous, I like to be completely odor free in public.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

snail said:


> At least we aren't competing for the same men. Sensitivity is a requirement for me, being emotionally expressive is mandatory, and I don't like being with someone who has no need for me. It would make things unequal.
> 
> I would rather be with someone lazy and poor than with someone who would pay more attention to his job than to me.
> 
> ...


I don't think you've quite understood what I was talking about. Sensitivity and emotional intelligence are requirements for me. There's no room for compromise here. I also relish expressiveness, and I mentioned earlier on that a distant and cold demeanour, within a relationship, would be completely unacceptable. I need closeness and warmth in an intimate relationship. You know how much I love a creative, poetic man. 

What I can't stand is someone making selfish emotional demands that don't take my preferences, my commitments/schedule and emotional needs into account. I am not an overly affirming woman (it becomes clear early on), and I don't express my love in traditionally romantic ways. I need my space. I won't tell a guy that I love him 20 billion times a day, and I won't call him very often. I will, however, write him mind blowing poetry when I am inspired. *laugh* Most importantly, I can be counted on to be independent, resilient, mature, emotionally intelligent, faithful, passionate, affectionate and more. Anyone who can't respect that in favour of either wanting a traditionally 'feminine' partner (and trying to passive aggressively get me to change my 'ways') or demanding more affirmation than I can give, is wasting my time. 

As far as sensitivity is concerned, I don't do well with people who are easily offended/bothered. I am outspoken, passionate, direct and more honest than most can handle. It takes nothing away from the fact that I am capable of kindness, sensitivity and so on. I just have no intentions of tip-toeing around a hypersensitive partner for the rest of my life. It stifles my freedom of expression and makes me feel trapped. I value respect and expect the same from my partner. Generally, I am one of the most accepting people I know. But, if they get offended at the drop of a hanky, I won't deal with it. It's usually not worth the effort to try and deal. The incompatibility is too significant to be overcome. It causes frustration. 

I am not saying that I don't want a partner to have any need for me. Everyone likes to feel valued, and perhaps even needed, in a relationship. 

I have dated many 'poor' men who were struggling to get ahead in life. I am immensely turned off by men who are born into wealthy households. My lover's economic status means nothing to me, but their level of responsibility to themselves means a great deal. I expect a man to use his money wisely and make diligent choices. I expect him to be ambitious (I don't care if the ambition is to become a scholar/poet/ high school teacher/activist/CEO/politician or what have you). I am financially independent and can earn more than enough to support a household, and several charitable endeavours, on my own. As you know , I don't need a man's money. But, I need him to be passionate about getting somewhere in life and doing something worthwhile with his potential. I value hard work. 

I thanked your post snail It's because I can respect the kind of man you desire. I know that you don't want the exact same type of guy that I want, and I also know that what you want isn't vastly/entirely different from what I am looking for.


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

- racism/chauvinism/disrespect in general 
- cruelty or insensitivity to people's feelings
- inauthenticity or habitual lying
- no courage or backbone
- interpersonal disloyalty or continual gossip
- always jumping to conclusions (without having taken into account all the possibilities), can't appreciate Ni or communicate on a deep level...
- superficiality and shallowness
- absolute self-centeredness (that is, "users")
- unreasonable jealousy, abusive anger, or trying to control/change me
- being a player or having a PUA approach towards romance, being a flirt (nothing wrong with friendliness that comes off as flirting! -that's just warmth or Fe in action - nothing wrong with flirting due to actual interest and intent; by "being a flirt," i mean actual flirting with every attractive woman that comes along...for the sake of ego/competition/attention, not out of a desire to take it further - it comes off as desperate - i want someone who is actually serious in his intentions with a woman and can be trusted not to get his ego kicks off flirting with other women, in a way that gives them the wrong idea while he's in a relationship)
- can't deal with my need for solitude
- lacking conflict resolution skills
- bad hygiene


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

Harley said:


> Haha nobody has said this yet but for me, I cannot stand:
> 
> *PICKY EATERS*, and this includes people with food allergies; yes I know it's not their fault and out of their control, but I love eating food and I refuse to change my eating habits for anyone. I love eating out and checking out new restaurants, and I would be pissed as hell if I couldn't eat out of half of the restaurants in the city because my date has decided to adopt some "gluten-free" diet or refuses to eat any meat that can't be visibly identified. Fuck that shit.


Amen, most of my friends think this is an unreasonable standard, but I'd like a girl who likes to eat just about anything, as do I, a few preferences isn't a turn-off, but extreme picky eaters are.. ''Wanna grab quesadillas hun?'' ''how about beef and potatoes?''


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

Unhealthy, physically or mentally
Critical of others
Aloof and/or uncaring

#2 applies to people who make giant lists of their turn-offs. Relationships are all about accepting each other's flaws, not criticizing them.


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