# Does being raised by a narcissistic parent affect behavior?



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Absofuckinlutely.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: Karyl McBride: 9781416551324: Amazon.com: Books

In this book she describes two seemingly different but internally very similar adaptations to having a narcissistic mother -- the chronic under-achieving daughter who self-hates, and the chronic under-achieving self-hating daughter. It'll make ya cry, reading it. 

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers


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## Dark NiTe (Mar 5, 2012)

sweetmay73 said:


> Now, though, there's a narcissistic guy in one of my classes who likes me..... and I almost fell into his damn trap. Currently, I'm in the process of deciding whether or not I want to be friends with him or just avoid him altogether. *sigh*


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## sweetmay73 (Jul 23, 2011)

KookyTookie said:


> I was raised by a narcissist and have been severely affected by the dysfunctional realtionship with my mother. I won't go into details - but I will say that this experience has left me with significant identity problems. I have a tendency to fall into codependent behaviour patterns as a result of having been 'controlled' most of my life by my mother. When I was a child there was not a lot I could do about this. However, as an adult I am still _allowing_ her to do this to me because of codependency (or 'co-narcissism')
> 
> I'm currently working on breaking free and rebuilding my life. This is an interesting article that really hit home for me:
> 
> http://www.alanrappoport.com/pdf/Co-Narcissism Article.pdf


I LOVED this article. I could relate to so much of it!! The biggest problem I have is being able to express myself in front of others and having low self-esteem (although the low self-esteem part has gotten much better). Jane's case is very similar to mine.


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

My father is (was) a big time narcissist too. Everything was about him and he was everything. It has screwed me up in so many ways that I didn't really understand until I read books by Susan Forward and Nina W. Brown. Check out those two authors if you care to read more about it.

To not become crazy I detached myself from my own identity. Till this day I have trouble knowing who I am and what I want. My life is always about other people, how they feel and what they need. I feel responsible for everything. I feel guilty all the time for stuff that doesn't even concern me.

My education and my 'career' are a train wreck as a result. I have no love life. I am too scared of intimacy, I don't think I am worthy of anything or anybody. I don't trust anyone.

It has not been until recently that I have decided whether I should take another stab at life, while I am still here. It's not that I am suicidal; I love being alive, but I have no ambition and no confidence.

I am glad you posted this thread, I am going to check out all the links and all the posts. Thanks for sharing everybody!
@LeelaWho @Steel Magnolia @dilletante @KookyTookie @benr3600 @Pastiche @Babieca @sweetmay73


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

sweetmay73 said:


> The only thing that upsets me is how controlling he is over my mom - it's one of the things that pisses me off so much. She's not submissive towards him though, at least.


My mom was too submissive for my taste - to put it mildly. I absolutely hate my dad for treating my mother the way he did. By poking through her e-mail - sorry mom - I found out that he has been physically abusing her since she was 21!! They got married when my dad was 25, my mom was 19. She was pregnant at the time, but - according to my dad - mouthed off to his mother (my grandmother). So he took her upstairs, grabbed her by the throat and kicked her in the shins.

Fortunately, my moms lives on her own now. She still will not divorce the loser, because she afraid he will try and get full custody over my 17 year old brother. In recent months, some of my siblings and my mom started talking in 'group sessions' about what happened to us in the past. My mom explained how she tried to sooth my dad by letting him have sex with her, so he wouldn't take out his anger on us!! He still beat us all the time though. God is he such a moron!

Also, it turned out he had an affair with his secretary and didn't tell my mom until much later. I felt so betrayed. I cannot imagine how my mom felt about it. Well, as Karen Walker put it: one woman's harassment is another woman's night off !! HAHAHA. That cracks me up all the time. I love Will&Grace.

I could talk about this and more gory details for pages (haha: rhymes with ages). But this post is long enough as is.


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## AstralSoldier (Jun 18, 2012)

hmm...I'd like to SAY that my parents are narcissistic, but I think they are just plain unaware of how to connect to their children; I can't say for sure that they're more invested in themselves than in others, but they only grasp concrete things and anything abstract to them is either irrelevant, or undervalued, even if it comes at the expense of self-awarenss or growth, which to this INFJ is akin to personality dysfunction.

I'm actually behaviorally nothing like them, but that could be due to the fact that my functional stack is Ni-Fe-Ti-Se, and the fact that I've dissociated so much around them that I don't really access their personalities in my typical engaging way; I simply interact with them based on what is required, and no more is invested. My mother for instance is just more interested in her surroundings, and things, and my father was impulsive, and ego-driven. Both lack DEEP interpersonal awareness and intrapersonal awareness and are afraid to turn inward to face where they fall short...they shutdown when their confronted with their true selves, and how they aren't who they THINK they are (which is the functional compensatory nature of the ego they identify with) 

I've gotten over over-identification with the ego and can exist outside of the routinizing patterns/thoughts of ego, and it's constraining patterns, so my ego issues aren't as pronounced, but that could also be because I'm so removed from my ego...I believe I may have a severe dissociative disorder, but as far as my parents go, narcissistic? perhaps, but does that affect my behavior? yes, but I haven't taken on their ways if only because as I said before, my functional stack is different than theirs, and that would mean I don't access situations the way they do.


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## Dauntless (Nov 3, 2010)

Master Mind said:


> Absolutely.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh, Mastermind. I never dreamed we had this in common. :sad:


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## Dauntless (Nov 3, 2010)

Promethea said:


> Absofuckinlutely.
> 
> Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: Karyl McBride: 9781416551324: Amazon.com: Books
> 
> ...


Narcissistic Mothers | Psych Central

I felt chills reading this...I CAN'T have made this up, and to have others echo it...


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## Dauntless (Nov 3, 2010)

I would also write personally, it's why I'll *never * have children, even though I am capable of doing so.


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## ESFP100 (Apr 6, 2015)

I think I have learned at least what kind of person I do not want to be and it definitely has helped to speed up the development of my Fi, which really benefits ESFPs a lot. In the long run it is definitely an asset if it is viewed from a positive side. But it is too painful for a tender soul to go through the traumas and I pray for all the children to be from such parents.

It is comforting to know that I am not the only one who has gone through a narcissistic mother.


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