# How to make a woman interested in you AGAIN?



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

So apparently female curiosity just comes and goes.

My big problem is that I just can never react in time. At least a dozen of girls (or women) that were interested in me at some point are not interested anymore.

How do I know they're not insterested? Well, they're giving me the cold shoulder. Previously they were bumping into me, started conversations, uploaded pictures (specifically to me) on Facebook, changed their hairs, now it's all fading away.

My question is, is there a way back? Or if you resist or reject a girl's interest in you there's never a way back.

(I'm not talking about romantics interest. Most of these are just opportunities for sex.)


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

I wonder 'why?'. "Why chase someone who clearly decided you weren't interested enough?"


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## JennyJukes (Jun 29, 2012)

Lol..

I'd be interested to know why too.

Women aren't just opportunities for sex waiting for you to decide they're good enough for you now.

Had that happen many times where guys have ghosted me, so I move on, 6 months-a year later they're bored so try hit me up. Don't think so pal. They seem desperate and sleazy.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

pwowq said:


> I wonder 'why?'. "Why chase someone who clearly decided you weren't interested enough?"


Because I know the situation now and I trust them more?
I can't trust a stranger first time I see him (or her in this case). I need time to build up a trust towards a person.
I mean I need time to think through if it was that she really hit me and I'm not just seeing a ghost.
These things take time.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

JennyJukes said:


> Women aren't just opportunities for sex waiting for you to decide they're good enough for you now.


But I was good enough _opportunity _to them to be interested for a while?
These are women that hit me. I didn't hit on them. A lot of these are married women or have a boyfriend so I wouldn't even begin anything on my part but if they start a conversation or stare deeply in my eyes, I need to do something right?
Or should I just pass on every opportunity I got, like, yeah that happens.


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## JennyJukes (Jun 29, 2012)

Well for starters nothing that you posted suggested they were specifically interested in you for sex. If they _were _and they're all married or have boyfriends then they're probably unhappy in their relationship and looking for attention from pretty much anyone. If they didn't get your attention, they've probably already moved on. 

I don't understand the "if they start a conversation or stare deeply in my eyes, I need to do something right?"

Anyway that's besides the point. Your point is they were interested and now they're not. Why you looking to the past anyway (said the Si-dom) and not looking towards other available women if you're just looking for sex opportunities?

I'm not really sure what kind of advice you want. If you want to know if there's a way back then ask that woman, not us. And if she resists/reject then move on, like they did.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

JennyJukes said:


> Well for starters nothing that you posted suggested they were specifically interested in you for sex. If they _were _and they're all married or have boyfriends then they're probably unhappy in their relationship and looking for attention from pretty much anyone. If they didn't get your attention, they've probably already moved on.


Well I don't know what they were interested in. I mean if they just wanted to talk they didn't need to get so obvious with things.
I mean what's with a woman who stares after me long after we've passed each other, or another pretending like she doesn't find her keys.
And these are not the most obvious ones.




> Anyway that's besides the point. Your point is they were interested and now they're not. Why you looking to the past anyway (said the Si-dom) and not looking towards other available women if you're just looking for sex opportunities?


Because these are the ones I know they liked me at some point. I don't know if there's gonna be any more that like me.
Should I be interested in someone that never showed me any interest instead? 
That makes no freaking sense.


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## musixxal (Nov 14, 2018)

they found out about each other

you're welcome.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

musixxal said:


> they found out about each other
> 
> you're welcome.


Well, that me be true to one or two of them but the majority of them simply got fed up with me not acting quickly enough, I think.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Why do you want to be there second choice anyway? Find a single person for FWB.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

If they were initially interested in you--do you think it's because of your physical appearance?

That's good for initiating stuff, but to keep anything going you've got to be able to get along with them on other levels. Intellectual, emotional, and value chemistry is important.

Perhaps expand your hobbies and interests to have something to talk about with other girls who are interested in that.

People who are mostly interested in another person for sex or for their appearance seem like they would be better fitted to those who are also interested in casual sex and appearance. So if that's not your interest or values, then Imo you should work on cultivating more meaningful experiences where you can connect with people on a deeper level.

If you are just interested in casual sex with married women then you should probably watch out for their husbands, but then yeah--just react to them and whatnot, and maybe you'll get somewhere. Idk.

Also--you shouldn't assume that someone staring into your eyes or losing their keys means they are interested in you sexually. You could explore that possibility if you are interested in them, but it's definitely not conclusive evidence for anything.


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## septic tank (Jul 21, 2013)

jetser said:


> But I was good enough _opportunity _to them to be interested for a while?
> These are women that hit me. I didn't hit on them. A lot of these are married women or have a boyfriend so I wouldn't even begin anything on my part but if they start a conversation or stare deeply in my eyes, I need to do something right?
> Or should I just pass on every opportunity I got, like, yeah that happens.


You WERE an opportunity to them. You’re not anymore. 

The past doesn’t matter; reality sits in the world of the present. And the present says you’re not a good enough opportunity for these women.




jetser said:


> Because these are the ones I know they liked me at some point. I don't know if there's gonna be any more that like me.
> Should I be interested in someone that never showed me any interest instead?
> That makes no freaking sense.


Sure. I’ve found more happiness from being brave and pursuing the people I was interested in rather than waiting for someone to approach me. Because you don’t know if the person pursuing you is absolute shit, and in my case, I’ve found that assholes are more likely to be the ones reaching out to me than if I put myself out there and talk to someone I’m interested in.

Be brave, take a risk with someone you like but are unsure if they’ll like you. Worst that’ll happen is you end up in the same position you’re at now.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

Fuck em. No, not literally. Just move on from them and keep searching for people better suited for you. (preferably ones who don't try to cheat on their husbands / boyfriends with you - that would be a red flag for me if I was in your position. Last thing I'd want is to be in part responsible for breaking up a marriage / relationship and maybe getting an angry man wanting to beat the shit out of me for boning his partner).


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

Starting a conversation, staring at you, and looking for their keys is signals they want you for sex?

Wait, what? 

_wondering now if the guy at my gym thinks I want him.

Ew._


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

Also wondering who will take my dying my hair brown as a sign I'm DTF.

Eta: I think you need to learn to read social cues. Because according to this i send "come fuck me" cues to men daily. I assure you that's not the case.


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## DudeGuy (Aug 5, 2013)

Hellena Handbasket said:


> Also wondering who will take my dying my hair brown as a sign I'm DTF.
> 
> Eta: I think you need to learn to read social cues. Because according to this i send "come fuck me" cues to men daily. I assure you that's not the case.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

DudeGuy said:


>


Damn. those slutty eyes always gotta ruin everything. :frustrating:


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## Allersky (Nov 22, 2017)

Firstly, your "interested" cues are off. Changing my hair has nothing to do with wanting to screw someone, lol. And bumping into people, initiating conversations, etc. are things that would happen with friends. It is _not_ an indication that I'm interested in someone sexually. Not even close.

Secondly, why does it matter? People have already asked this and you've already responded, but your answers don't make sense to me. If they're not interested in you anymore, why is it so important to change that? Just move on to the next girl. It's quite simple.


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## aiyanah (Oct 25, 2018)

you gotta read the art of seduction or something.
you could double down, or double out, i would bank on doubling out and getting another broad, that way the old one will feel jealous and come back to you.
gotta have a machiavellian touch to proceedings


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## Roslyn (Aug 2, 2018)

Assuming you're right and they were hitting on you, remember you said they are married or have boyfriends.

In a weak point in the relationship, they might have been interested in you. Assuming they got their shit together, they're not going to be interested in you anymore. Ever heard the saying: 'Two ships passing in the night.' You're asking how to make spontaneous moments repeat. It's a habit, not spontaneous if the situation happens a second time.


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## Introvertia (Feb 6, 2016)

If the woman is anything like me, you won't make her interested again. You can't. With some people, once it's lost, it remains so.


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## maxmayer (Oct 25, 2018)

I am trying to be nice and pretty, to make pleasure for my lovely woman. I think you should be yourself with just a little bit sweetness


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Allersky said:


> If they were actually as interested as you believe they were, you would have much stronger evidence than what you've been presenting us.


If they were just casually interested I don't think so.
But again, this is Europe we're talking about. I don't know how girls in the United States show interest, but here in EU a sweet smile, a slightly higher pitch tone, a deep stare or an unusual proximity between you and her is the way ladies show they're interested in you.
And if multiple of these happen simultaneously and more than once, I can't interpret that any other way than a definite interest.

Honestly, I can understand why some of them despise me openly after things like this. I should have long gone and tried my luck.




> why does it even matter? Why do you need these previous girls to be interested again instead of just pursuing new ones? That is the part I do not get.


Because I get attached easily and expect things to happen more than once.

I don't know, it's just I'm not warmed-up enough. I'm new to this.


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## Fischer (Aug 16, 2012)

You don't. You find a person that you can do it right the first time with.


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## valosagutas (Nov 5, 2017)

Be this guy:









You don't even have to look that decent. Just make sure it always rains money.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

jetser said:


> I don't mind things like being a "second".
> I just simply like the admiration and interest I got and that's it.


I see, high standards. Good luck with future results.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

It's more difficult than I've thought.
One neighbour is giving me the cold shoulder because her wife must have told him about me.
All I did was looked deeply in her eyes when we regularly met in the hallway or on the street.
Then one day when we got in the elevator (only her and me) she asked me if that was my apartment when we got out. She pointed at that direction.
I was confused as to what to answer so I just told her "Yes it is".
Then nothing. We sometimes meet and clearly she expected me to say something but I didn't.
Then one day her husband, who was always nice to me, giving me the cold shoulder.
I'm so sick and tired being crucified for the things _I haven't done_.
At least if I had actually slept with her I would understand. But what is his problem with me? I was a nice guy, trying to spare his marriage.
(The best thing is, one night I witnessed some guy who was OVERLY friendly with me in the parking lot wind up in that woman's appartment. I mean what is that, was she cheating anyway?)


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

jetser said:


> But I was good enough _opportunity _to them to be interested for a while?
> These are women that hit me. I didn't hit on them. *A lot of these are married women or have a boyfriend* so I wouldn't even begin anything on my part but if they start a conversation or stare deeply in my eyes, I need to do something right?
> Or should I just pass on every opportunity I got, like, yeah that happens.


Why do you care if they are spoken for?


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## Alice Alipheese (Aug 16, 2019)

RIP jetser, you came to the wrong place with these qeustions. i recomend finding a much older woman and befriending her, they are great for questions like this. my intj friend is almost 30 years older than me and very insightful and honest about her sex.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

wear a fake mustache and pretend to be someone else.

works 60% of the time, everytime.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

jetser said:


> But I was good enough _opportunity _to them to be interested for a while?
> These are women that hit me. I didn't hit on them. A lot of these are married women or have a boyfriend so I wouldn't even begin anything on my part but if they start a conversation or stare deeply in my eyes, I need to do something right?
> Or should I just pass on every opportunity I got, like, yeah that happens.


uh... are the "signs" they're into you that you're going by "starts conversations" and "doesn't know how to make eye contact right"? 

Because if so damn my ass is accidentally leading on the world. A guy sat next to me on the bus. I brought up a documentary I watched on Kurdistan. We then talked about Kurdistan for 30 minutes. I was excited about the conversation (and chance to practice the language) so I probably made a lot of eye contact (I'm adhd and am really bad at that anyway). At no point was this an "opportunity" for anything more than a conversation about Kurdistan. I'm happily married. I guess I should scream that next time someone sits by me while looking the other direction? 

Don't make a move on someone for a conversation and bad eye contact, dear god. 

I'm revoking your fake mustache privileges. You're not ready for that.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

jetser said:


> Well I don't know what they were interested in. I mean if they just wanted to talk they didn't need to get so obvious with things.
> *I mean what's with a woman who stares after me long after we've passed each other, or another pretending like she doesn't find her keys.*
> And these are not the most obvious ones.


I'm becoming more and more convinced you just keep running into adhd people. If so, she lost her damn keys and is staring trying to figure it out. she zoned out and isn't looking at you shes looking past you at every place she's been that day in her mind and wondering if the bakery is still open and how the hell she's going to ask her apartment to let her in, again. it's embarrassing, damn it.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

jetser said:


> Good. I guess I'll wait until a woman grabs into my pants and whisper in my ears then.
> 
> Because that'll be freaking obvious.
> 
> ...


Happens a lot in the Netherlands. I guess go on vacation?


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

daleks_exterminate said:


> uh... are the "signs" they're into you that you're going by "starts conversations" and "doesn't know how to make eye contact right"?
> 
> Because if so damn my ass is accidentally leading on the world. A guy sat next to me on the bus. I brought up a documentary I watched on Kurdistan. We then talked about Kurdistan for 30 minutes. I was excited about the conversation (and chance to practice the language) so I probably made a lot of eye contact (I'm adhd and am really bad at that anyway). At no point was this an "opportunity" for anything more than a conversation about Kurdistan. I'm happily married. I guess I should scream that next time someone sits by me while looking the other direction?
> 
> ...


"A guy sat next to me on the bus. I brought up a documentary I watched on Kurdistan. We then talked about Kurdistan for 30 minutes."

Look I don't live in the Netherlands.
Where I live people never talk to each other. If they have to (like in an emergency) it's a pain in the ass.

You would learn fast that NO ONE brings up shit to a stranger ever, unless they are interested in the person.

Most of what Ive read in this thread are simply useless. People live in another country where they are more free and more indulgent.


* Anyway this thread should be moved to Venting.
It has nothing to do with the topic anymore.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

daleks_exterminate said:


> I'm becoming more and more convinced you just keep running into adhd people. If so, she lost her damn keys and is staring trying to figure it out. she zoned out and isn't looking at you shes looking past you at every place she's been that day in her mind and wondering if the bakery is still open and how the hell she's going to ask her apartment to let her in, again. it's embarrassing, damn it.


Ok no, thank you.

I'm old enough and sentient enough to know when a woman is interested.
I revoke my original question since it's simply too much of a difference between cultures to read between the lines.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Why do you care if they are spoken for?


It's so much better now that I'm an ESTP so I don't have to explain it any better.

I don't _care_. I don't judge, I don't ask. I simply like what I see.

If a woman points at my apartment and asks if that's mine it feels stupid to let it go even if she's married.

_I don't care_. It's not my life, I don't judge, I don't get involved in it.
Is she asks me that (and see other examples) she must have a good reason. Chances are, she would cheat with someone else anyway (like I said, it probably happened).

It's not because of ME that she cheats. It's because of her relationship.

Again, it's NOT. MY. LIFE.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

But why would you want that?
Let yesterday be yesterday.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

pwowq said:


> But why would you want that?
> Let yesterday be yesterday.


Because if you fuck up you wanna try again? Why do you think?


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## Phil (Dec 27, 2010)

To get a girl you do a like to do you a like, you buy her a chocolate milk. Works everytime.


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## Six (Oct 14, 2019)

Phil said:


> To get a girl you do a like to do you a like, you buy her a chocolate milk. Works everytime.


Nah, nah bruv... man's sounding like a sweetie man innit...











jetser said:


> So apparently female curiosity just comes and goes.
> 
> My big problem is that I just can never react in time. At least a dozen of girls (or women) that were interested in me at some point are not interested anymore.
> 
> ...


You can't get it back.

I don't know enough about the internal mechanics of it however it is a lot like first impressions. There's this odd phase when a girl's first enamored which I think is almost similar to how people feel when they're initially excited by a purchase and in 2 weeks they're so over it.

And it's not rational - it wasn't rational for you to be excited about the purchase first of all, what did you think, it would solve all of your problems or give you meaning? Only when you're not responding or being engaged with that she simply gets to see you standing around being you and it's as good as purchasing something because she sees you and interacts with you and with none of the additional steps it becomes dull, uninteresting - not the solution to whatever want or lack is felt.

Which should show you something - the interest wasn't real in the first place, it was a fleeting, consumerist sort of fascination - well to be done without. 

It's only if you want to bask in the sensation of being an object of desire, which, if you do... I don't know, there's got to be better ways of seeking it - like being genuinely useful or helpful so people want you around.

...


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## Firemoon (Sep 19, 2015)

jetser said:


> I like the eye contact, seducing part. Choosing just someone on the net would be either cringy when meeting up rl or straight up depressing.
> 
> Besides, I'm terribly not photogenic. Anyway, it's all beside the point now. I'm under quarantine.


RIP getting laid


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## Logical Ambivert Feeler (Aug 17, 2011)

Get with someone she knows or in her vicinity.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Firemoon said:


> RIP getting laid


It's not about getting laid. It's about getting all the attention from other people.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

jetser said:


> So apparently female curiosity just comes and goes.
> 
> My big problem is that I just can never react in time. At least a dozen of girls (or women) that were interested in me at some point are not interested anymore.
> 
> ...


Sadly, nobody is irreplaceable. If you are happy with yourself, you don't need to change yourself for nobody. Go met new people and eventually you will find the right person, someone you love that also loves you.

While yes, there are ways to make yourself more attractive, people take care of their looks for a reason. You need to be aware of your image, the way you present yourself to others. And make for a pleasant presentation so that they are more willing to accept your requests. Looks and the impression you leave matter.

A good character also matters, with empathy and care. Having some feminine traits even if you are a man. Being socially appropiate also matters, aware of socially acceptable behavior, what you can afford to do and say with what person, to be aware of the social roles we have in society. When you don't know someone you got to be more informal with _"please"_ and such until you get to know them better.

Your conversational skills also matter, if you are able to make an interesting and fun conversation, a conversation the other person likes to have, and ideally, you also like to have. You have to read the person and predict the subject that would lift them up. If you want to be interesting, be interested.

On the other side of the coin, you may also have way too higher standards of yourself and be way too harsh with yourself, so keep that in mind when you are trying to be the perfect person.

However, given your question, is there a way back? Everything depends on her.

Reapproach her indirectly, if you're too direct early on, you risk creating a ressistance that will never be lowered. Once she is aware of your presence, don't be much too obvious, instead, be hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: be tough and tender, spiritual and earthly, innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities in a person suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. Make her feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention, but if you are too obvious, she will see through you and grow defensive. There is no defense however against insinuation, planting ideas in people's head by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as an idea, make everything suggestive.

Most people are locked in their own worlds, makign them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adopt yourself to their moods. In doing so, you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Indulge her every mood and whim, give her nothing to react against or resist.

Keep her in suspense, the moment she knows what is coming next your spell on her is broken. The only way to lead is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity, they will not be able to foresee what is coming next.

Flatter and comfort their insecurities. It's hard to make people listen, they are consumed by their own thoughts and desires and have little time for yours. The trick to make people listen is to say what they want to hear, fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. Flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in sweet words and promises, and they will not only listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you.

Pay attention to details and express your love in subtle gestures. Lofty words of love and grand gestures can be suspicious: Why are you trying so hard to please? The subtle gestures, the offhand things you do, are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract them with a myriad of pleasant little rituals, thoughtful gifts tailored just for them, clothers and adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention you are paying to them. Mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you're really up to.

Disarm her through strategic weakness and vulnerability. Too much manouvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Play the victim, and transform her sympathy into love.

To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of time daydreaming, imagining a life full of adventure, success and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. Aim at the secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, strring up uncontrollable emotions.

Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts, about your motives, the depth of your feelings and so on. One well-time action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake, any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for her sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything else.

Mix pleasure and pain. Don't be too nice, at first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous, you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming her with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Make her feel guilty and insecure. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs.

If she becomes too used to you as the aggressor, she will give less of her own energy and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Hint that you are growing bored. Seem interested in someone else.

And finally, make the bold move: She clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw chivalry, kindness and coquetry aside and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don't give her time to consider the consequences, showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself as opposed to being overwhelmed by her charms. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.


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## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Dezir said:


> Sadly, nobody is irreplaceable. If you are happy with yourself, you don't need to change yourself for nobody. Go met new people and eventually you will find the right person, someone you love that also loves you.
> 
> While yes, there are ways to make yourself more attractive, people take care of their looks for a reason. You need to be aware of your image, the way you present yourself to others. And make for a pleasant presentation so that they are more willing to accept your requests. Looks and the impression you leave matter.
> 
> ...


Wow, it's been a time I visited this thread. Thanks for the hitting.
It feels like a decade.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Dezir said:


> Sadly, nobody is irreplaceable. If you are happy with yourself, you don't need to change yourself for nobody. Go met new people and eventually you will find the right person, someone you love that also loves you.
> 
> While yes, there are ways to make yourself more attractive, people take care of their looks for a reason. You need to be aware of your image, the way you present yourself to others. And make for a pleasant presentation so that they are more willing to accept your requests. Looks and the impression you leave matter.
> 
> ...


Oh my lol How many have you actually had this work on? I would think half of that advice would make them run in the other direction.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Kiss them 

While its snowing 

On a chariot 

With black horses


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

Purrfessor said:


> Kiss them
> 
> While its snowing
> 
> ...


That reminds me of a 90's song, lol


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Purrfessor said:


> Kiss them
> 
> While its snowing
> 
> ...


  Where are they getting the snow and chariot from? Is it night or day? Is there a delivery app for those things? Did you mean paint/draw them a picture with all of those things?


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Where are they getting the snow and chariot from? Is it night or day? Is there a delivery app for those things? Did you mean paint/draw them a picture with all of those things?


I think we have ourself an artist in bloom 🧑‍🎨


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Electra said:


> I think we have ourself an artist in bloom 🧑‍🎨


I can see it in my head.... I was going to let them logistically add paint to the picture though.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Where are they getting the snow and chariot from? Is it night or day? Is there a delivery app for those things? Did you mean paint/draw them a picture with all of those things?


Theft.
Night.
No.
No.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Purrfessor said:


> Theft.
> Night.
> No.
> No.


Illegal activity. So.... face paint and ninja like outfits in a foreign land during the winter/early spring.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Illegal activity. So.... face paint and ninja like outfits in a foreign land during the winter/early spring.


Thats one way to do it. 

All is fair in love and war.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Oh my lol How many have you actually had this work on? I would think half of that advice would make them run in the other direction.


Why do you think that? What part of what I wrote is wrong?

When I said that nobody is irreplaceable, I meant that there is no such thing as "one soulmate", people can have multiple people they are compatible with. I don't believe there is only one person in this entire world that you are compatible with, just like I don't believe in destiny. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people, some people are born with a disability, others suffer because of reasons they had nothing to do with, I have a hard time believing in destiny considering all the unfairness in the world, and since we live in the best period of history that says a lot.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying _"you should not be monogamous or you should cheat"_, I'm saying you have to find someone you are compatible with. Someone that you can be happy with and have a good time while you can be yourselves around each other.

I'm also not saying _"you should be monogamous"_, but yes I'm saying _"you should not cheat"_. As long as you don't hurt other people, you should do whatever you like. If you're happy with an open relationship, go for it, as long as your partner person is also happy with an open relationship.

Do I really need to make a case about looks? I think everyone almost universally agrees that looks matter. Character and personality matter but the first thing you see about a person are the looks. So no matter how overly idealistic some people try to be, they are actually wrong. Looks matter, that's why the vast majority of people take care of their looks and image. Other things matter, such as having a fun and pleasant conversation with that person, to talk about interesting stuff you both enjoy.

We like people because they have certain qualities that makes us feel good around them, either in how they make us feel or the values they exhibit, even when we are not aware of those things. It can grow into care for that other person, as in love, but initially we care about looks, then character and personality.

If you're too direct early on, you risk creating a ressistance that will never be lowered. Imagine someone saying _"I love you"_ on the first date or that is obsessed after you, always calling you, always texting, daily, effectively insisting on you with messages. That just comes across as desperate, coming across as obsessed is a major red flag, and the first natural reaction of people who are bombarded this way is to back down. It gives the impression _(false or not)_ that that person in either unstable, capable of anything, if he's willing to spam you with messages, what else is he willing to do? It also seems a bit weird that he doesn't even know you and he's so in love with you. Either obsessed, superficial or desperate. Either way, none of these are good for attraction.

Instead, take it slowly, don't reveal your feelings early, you're just friends or acquaintances, try to become familiar. And don't seem all interested in a relationship right away. Talk in a normal and friendly tone to women without making everything about a relationship, only to ask for a date when you become familiar. Be active in the conversation, care for the way she feels, try to make a pleasant conversation, to take feedback from her when she is not interested in a certain subject and change it.

If she replies late, don't get all upset and overreact, simply reply late as well, mirror her reply rate. And don't assume the worst. Instead think that _"maybe she isn't at the phone"_ don't assume the worst case scenario and go for _"she doesn't want to talk to me"_ and have a hateful reaction as a result. Yes, sometimes things may be the worst, so your fear is founded. But other times things may not be the worst and it's equally likely that you're acting based on the worst case scenario when you shouldn't. Is it possible that they find you bothering? yes. But, it is also possible that they simply forgot the phone and aren't paying attention to it right now, and you worry about the worst case scenario over nothing, when that worst case scenario is not even real.

In the dating phase, less interested is more interesting. People are drawn to uncertainty. This is why pick up lines such as _"can you give me an autograph"_ or _"are you pretending to act cold?"_ come across as desperate and if anything makes them lose interest. It comes across as flattering but in a bad way. Be respectful but not that humble. You have to take it slowly, don't ask for a date until you're mildly familiar with each other, until then, just take initiative to talk to her. You can also look at her and take her reactions as feedback to see whether you're in the right or wrong to tell her how you feel. If she feels invested and uplifted, that's a good sign, if she avoids you and replies rarely, that's a bad sign.

Don't get me wrong. When I say _"less interested is more interesting"_ I'm not saying _"don't be interested at all"_. You have to be interested enough to engage with the man or woman, if you don't, then you don't talk and no communicaiton, no connection, but at the same time, texting or calling daily can be suffocating, especially in the stages of a dating. You're interested in him or her but still weighting your options, they are a pretender, a possibility. Someone who pretends to be uninterested, someone who is rather cold and aloof and doesn't seem to hate us or be disrespectful but at the same time not longing to be with us every single time. There's something I don't like about this, but at the same time it makes sense. It also depends on your chemistry, how you feel when talking with each other, energized and wanting more, understood and being able to be yourself around them, interested in the discussion and subjects, or bored.

To not be boring you have to be social, smile, know how to joke without getting easily offended. I don't exactly know what you have to do, probably ask her about her hobbies without asking her about her hobbies, talk about her or things that interest her while also being interesting to you and keep it lighthearted with small jokes.

I think smart women, even if they are beautiful, don't want to be loved only for their looks. Women being loved for they looks is the equivalent of men being loved for their money.

Enter their spirit and play by their rules, is essentially have fun with each other, be playful. Why would they talk to you if they are not having fun? why would they want to be with you if they are not having fun? Personality matters. It's important to have fun and pleasant conversations that you both enjoy. To charge people with a positive energy. Of course, you don't have to be over the top, just enough to charge people with a positive energy.

It's important to try to be less inhibited so that you 2 can be more open with each other, get to know each other better and become more familiar. Love is to care about the other person, you cannot grow to care about the other person if you don't know the other person. It's important to feel good with one another. That's what a relationship is at the end of the day. Two people that feel good with one another. And are dating or in a relationship because they both feel good. It's important to find new stuff to do together. To find new fun activities that you can do. Take the initiative to ask her for new stuff. But don't impose, just ask.

Flatter and comfort their insecurities is the complete opposite of having fun. We all would like someone who believes in us, who would compliment us. Even if you don't know how to take a compliment and just say _"thanks"_, it's hard to deny that a compliment doesn't feel good. And to have someone that actually believes in you is truly magic. This is not needy or desperate because giving compliments and believing in them is not an exclusive requirement of a romantic relationship, you could compliment her as a friend or because you genuinely believe that T-shirt is nice or that she can do it, without giving any hint for a relationship. Giving compliments is not something only people in a relationship do. And when there's something she's insecure about, about herself, reassure her that it's no big deal.

Pay attention to details and express your love in subtle gestures. This is gold, if I could say so myself. Because personally I believe love is not a grand gesture like sending a truck full of flowers, if anything, that's compensating. I believe real expression of love is in the small things, in the small and nice gestures that shows attention to her and care for her needs. It can be small things like: helping her carry something, giving her a small symbolic gift like a key ring with something specific about her, leaving her a sticky note at the door telling her that you miss her, showing up at her door with something to eat, or even at work, offering to help her with something she needs, etc.

Disarm her through strategic weakness and vulnerability. As a woman, when a guy approaches you, the most natural question is _"what does this guy want from me?"_ because women are approached by men constantly. And of course, women have to deal with men who don't really love or at least feel attracted to them but only want them as a conquest. So they have a hard time telling who really loves/likes them and who does not, as to not get used by men. I know how the saying goes _"men have to be 100% confident and certain of themselves"_ but a woman once told me that _"If I don't see some insecurity and doubt in men when approaching me I have a hard time trusting them, because when you really like someone you're insecure, if you don't, you have an easier time being stable as the end result is always the same to you, there is no emotional investment or risk of loss there even if she rejects you"_. So looking like you can't control yourself might make her think you actually like her, that your love/like for her is genuine.

If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. Aim at the secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, strring up uncontrollable emotions. This is strong correlated with the _"have fun"_ part and the _"express your love"_ part. We all have things we want, things we would like to do but can't, to be clear, I didn't mean fantasies when I said this, like someone wants to travel but can't, showing that through you they can do those things will actually make you more attractive. It's not about giving her money for the trip, being a sugar daddy, you are effectively asking her if she wants to come with you not go herself, it's about showing her that you have the capacity as well as the desire to fulfill some of her desires.

Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts. As pointed above, women want someone who loves them, in fact, we all woman. The problem is that women have this issue of not always knowing from the start who really loves/likes them or just want another conquest. Men have no such issue, so they don't even consider it when it comes for women. In other words, is the love sincere?one way to prove that yes, and remove her doubts, is to go as far for her as you could have. Being persistent but in a playful way while expressing your love in subtle ways. It's okay to insist sometimes, but you got to be aware between the no that means no and the no that means maybe. When you are persistent, don't be so in a conflictual way but in a way that demonstrates her that you like her.

Mix pleasure and pain. When you are in a relationship, you need to have someone you have a good time with. This does not work by always agreeing with the other person, always doing what the other person says, she wants a boyfriend not a waiter waiting to do all her needs. There has to be love of course,but there also has to be some fun, some challenge, some emotional spikes there, either good or bad.

If she becomes too used to you as the aggressor, she will give less of her own energy and the tension will slacken. This is about what I said at the beginning with if she replies late, don't get all upset and overreact, simply reply late as well, mirror her reply rate. Your lack of interest could raise her interest and vice-versa. The thing is, there has to be an interest there in the first place.

And finally, make the bold move: ask her out, in a bold and convincing way. If she has doubts, and you have doubts, now you are 2 people with doubt. But if she has doubts, and you are confident, she could be like _"maybe he knows what he is doing"_. Of course, all of this considering that you know she is already attracted to you when you do this. If she isn't, she's going to say no no matter your confidence. Of course, you could never know 100% but you can probably read her mind and make an estimate there. It's literally impossible to make a 100% accurate prediction of what everybody is thinking, that doesn't mean you should take no calculated risks.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Purrfessor said:


> Thats one way to do it.
> 
> All is fair in love and war.


 I like the movie quote _smirks_ My daughter likes to war enough. 🤭 I have no need for anymore external warring lol


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Dezir said:


> Why do you think that? What part of what I wrote is wrong?
> 
> When I said that nobody is irreplaceable, I meant that there is no such thing as "one soulmate", people can have multiple people they are compatible with. I don't believe there is only one person in this entire world that you are compatible with, just like I don't believe in destiny. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people, some people are born with a disability, others suffer because of reasons they had nothing to do with, I have a hard time believing in destiny considering all the unfairness in the world, and since we live in the best period of history that says a lot.
> 
> ...


Ummm TLTR atm. I will have to come back to this.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Dezir said:


> Make her feel guilty and insecure. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs.





Dezir said:


> Most people are locked in their own worlds, makign them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adopt yourself to their moods. In doing so, you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Indulge her every mood and whim, give her nothing to react against or resist.





Dezir said:


> The trick to make people listen is to say what they want to hear, fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them.





Dezir said:


> The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Play the victim, and transform her sympathy into love.





Dezir said:


> Instead of overwhelming her with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Make her feel guilty and insecure. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs.


These are a few of the things I took issue with. I skimmed over it. Once again... how many has this worked on for you?


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> These are a few of the things I took issue with. I skimmed over it. Once again... how many has this worked on for you?


Considering that I'm in a relationship, they have worked for me. I am here to help others and out of intellectual curiosity, I'm interested in human relationships.

Okay, I expressed myself terrible there, my bad. I didn't mean to make her feel guilty and insecure for real, but in a jokingly way. Having a good time doesn't mean always agreeing with the other person.

1. Make jokes, but make sure your jokes are appropiate. Light jokes that either make fun of nobody or of someone but very lightly. Depending on how close you are and what you can afford with each other, it's okay if they are a bit upset after a joke, if they feel attacked, the problem is not to make the joke insulting or offensive. Light fun, with slight superiority for yourself without bragging or lack of skill for the other. Make fun in the limit of decency.

Someone once told me that in order to make someone attracted to you, you have to make them either out of the ordinary negative and positive. People have all sorts of emotions during the day, most of which are neutral, and we usually don't remember most events on days from our lives, but we remember those that were incredibly negative or positive. The same is true with people, we remember those that made us experience out of the ordinary negative or positive experiences.

Obviously, fully negative is bad, if someone only gives you negative experiences there's no reason to be attracted to them. But so is fully positive, if before you even had a date, you know that someone is always interested in you and is always there for you, whenever you call he will answer 'like a dog', you kind of take them for granted, he is there. But a mix of positive and negative seems to do the trick. Negative absolutely does not mean being a jerk, but it can mean having jokes where you downplay her, when someone 'attacks you'.

You know, make a fun and pleasant conversation with that person revolved around laughing with each other. Girls like to be made fun of, as long as the make fun of is light and respectful. You have to get used to lowering the filer on what you say but keep your words soft and respectful as you're talking to a girl. Make fun of things that are clearly false, depending on how close you are. You should make jokes without upsetting her, but you can't always know when you have overstepped the line.

Personally, I like that simulated battle of wits, it isn't real and makes no sense, really says nothing at the end of the day, but it's funny. On the positive side, it can also equally mean having jokes where you make her feel amused. Other form of jokes are on the positive side: normal jokes about various things, self-irony, something absurd, changing the context or making fun of someone not related to the discussion.

Of course not every joke or battle of wits has to be a personal attack on the other person, it can be simulating sadness or making a reference, not backing down, implying you did nothing wrong, and when it is a personal attack, it can be a very light one, such as implying they don't understand a certain thing, that they don't have culture, or implying certain things, making fun of a trait of them that is not very offensive. Something that they don't care about and won't offend them. You can also do the same thing with yourself, make self-irony, make fun of yourself in equal measure, to offer some reassurance. What I mean by respectful is not necessarly humble but to take into account how other people feel.

2. Of course, don't do only that. Mainly, do nice gestures that shows _"wow, this person really cares about me"_. If anything, it would make me trust that person more.

When I said to indulge her every mood and whim, give her nothing to react against or resist, I meant you should be a caring and empathetic person.

It's natural and healthy for humans to rely on others for their own happiness. It's called trust, and you don't give it to anyone, only to the people closest to you that you know you can trust. You did this when you were a baby, we all did when we were raised by our parents as helpless beings.

It's true that one shouldn't be entierly dependent on other people financially and emotionally. One should be an autonomous and independent individual, who while appreciating effort and help from others, can take care of himself. But that doesn't mean we can't allow other people to make us happy. Allowing yourself to rely on people you can trust for your own happiness won't suddenly make you codependent.

3. When I said tell them what they want to hear I meant compliments. Going back to 1, don't only make fun of her, make fun of her and praise her. Give her genuine compliments. Also going back to honest opinion. When you give your honest opinion about something, when you show that you are willing to disagree, the compliments also come across as more sincere. Mainly be positive, but show that you can also be negative. Being mainly negative would make you a jerk, the type of person who makes fun and makes fun and makes fun and people get tired of constantly being made fun of.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Dezir said:


> Considering that I'm in a relationship, they have worked for me. *I am here to help others and out of intellectual curiosity, I'm interested in human relationships.*
> 
> Okay, I expressed myself terrible there, my bad. I didn't mean to make her feel guilty and insecure for real, but in a jokingly way. Having a good time doesn't mean always agreeing with the other person.
> 
> ...


The bolded is obvious and as I have stated before- I like reading your posts. Thank you for giving a more detailed clarification/response.


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