# Is there any hope?



## dragonfly92 (Jun 2, 2021)

Hi all,

Thought I'd write a little update. I've been focusing on my own wellbeing and setting boundaries. Despite of that I've been pretty anxious...but luckily had my first appointment with the therapist. It went really well and felt good to talk.

As for my relationship, my partner has kept up the good work, helping around the house (though not so much anymore) and being nice.

As things have been better, I tried to bring up his past behavior concerning me. But it went as it always does, us just going in circles and not really discussing anything.

I'm pretty disappointed but not surprised. On the bright side, now I know that things will likely not change. There's some clarity to light my way.


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## Rainbowrama (May 30, 2018)

dragonfly92 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Thought I'd write a little update. I've been focusing on my own wellbeing and setting boundaries. Despite of that I've been pretty anxious...but luckily had my first appointment with the therapist. It went really well and felt good to talk.
> 
> ...


Stay strong, you are doing great steps. A therapist will help you so much, and you are starting to realize things. It will be so worth it in the end.


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## dragonfly92 (Jun 2, 2021)

Rainbowrama said:


> Stay strong, you are doing great steps. A therapist will help you so much, and you are starting to realize things. It will be so worth it in the end.


Thank you, Rainbowrama!

Everything went wrong after my last message. We got into an argument and I just lost it. I let it all out, packed my bags and left. After that we didn't speak for over a week, until I texted my partner that I would like to move out. My partner had thought we'd still work things out. It's been almost two weeks now since I left and I have found myself a new home. We have been able to agree on practical matters via phone and will meet up face to face later on to have an "end talk".

I don't even know how I'm feeling. I thought I would be relieved, but I'm not. It all feels so surreal. I've been crying my eyes out everyday. I second guess my decision since everything went down so fast. We have been together for so many years and suddenly it's all over. It really hit me when I signed the papers for my new apartment.

It's not just a big change emotionally. I will also be exchanging my abundant, secured life downtown for a small rental far away, having just enough money to make it. I mean, it's just money and other shallow stuff, but it's a big change since everything from where I live, to how I live, to whom I live with, will be turning 360 degrees in just some weeks.

I'm sure things will get easier as time goes by. Now I'm letting myself grieve and just trying to make it trough one day after another.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

dragonfly92 said:


> Thank you, Rainbowrama!
> 
> Everything went wrong after my last message. We got into an argument and I just lost it. I let it all out, packed my bags and left. After that we didn't speak for over a week, until I texted my partner that I would like to move out. My partner had thought we'd still work things out. It's been almost two weeks now since I left and I have found myself a new home. We have been able to agree on practical matters via phone and will meet up face to face later on to have an "end talk".
> 
> ...


You did something that a lot of idiots are not able to do because they are too afraid, giving up something small and safe for something big and insecure. That's an honorable man's attitude.
Well done.
Good luck, everything would be excellent!

In a maximum of a few weeks/months (until you adapt to the new lifestyle) you will realize the negative way in which the unfulfilled relationship affected the quality of your life and ... you will never look back. 

Just forward, there are enough wonderful people waiting to be known, trust it!


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## Lonewaer (Jul 14, 2014)

That's a good reminder to everyone that being emotionally open and emotionally vulnerable can ALSO look like that, and that anger, anxiety, being annoyed, are all emotions, that can be expressed or not expressed, in healthy or unhealthy ways. This behavior is the expressed and unhealthy version of those emotions, so everybody, remember how nobody here likes that because it's negative, and suddenly qualify that as psychologically abusive. I'm not disagreeing, but that's a big hit to the credibility of "I want someone who's open and vulnerable with his emotions".


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Hm, well I wouldn't have been surprised either way this months old thread turned out but ending it with someone who's verbally and emotionally abusive seems like that would've been the best for your own sanity.

Best of luck to you @dragonfly92 !


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## Rainbowrama (May 30, 2018)

dragonfly92 said:


> Thank you, Rainbowrama!
> 
> Everything went wrong after my last message. We got into an argument and I just lost it. I let it all out, packed my bags and left. After that we didn't speak for over a week, until I texted my partner that I would like to move out. My partner had thought we'd still work things out. It's been almost two weeks now since I left and I have found myself a new home. We have been able to agree on practical matters via phone and will meet up face to face later on to have an "end talk".
> 
> ...


Wow Dragonfly92, you are so brave, look how you broke free!

I can completely understand it feels scary, to see something you’ve invested so much on crumble like this, to lose your financial security. And of course, it’s a very emotionally challenging place to be. I am woshing you good vibes, I know things will be much better for you now, just give it time! 

Again, you were amazingly brave to take this decision. Now you are back into onvesting and thinking about YOURSELF again, free to choose people who will treat you as you deserve. You did it!

From experience: Things are rough on the beginning, but it’s worth it. Oh so worth it! Think of all the years you would’ve been stuck with someone who’s toxic and unable to love, this decision would have to happen one day inevitably (you wouldn’t be able to take abuse forever), it’s better that it happens straight away so you don’t waste anymore time.


Stay strong and firm (they can’t take no for an answer and always try to make you reconsider), I am wishing you a world of happiness and healing. 🙂


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## dragonfly92 (Jun 2, 2021)

Rainbowrama said:


> Wow Dragonfly92, you are so brave, look how you broke free!
> 
> I can completely understand it feels scary, to see something you’ve invested so much on crumble like this, to lose your financial security. And of course, it’s a very emotionally challenging place to be. I am woshing you good vibes, I know things will be much better for you now, just give it time!
> 
> ...


Thanks for the kind words 💙

And yes, it's emotionally challenging, especially since my partner has been super nice after I "broke the news" and wants to end things in good terms. It makes me second guess the decision.

But I will stick to my decision and remember the reasons why it ended. There will be loads of love and happiness one day, even though it's hard to see it now.

Thank you again for the healing wishes and taking the time to post all the encouraging words on this thread


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## Rainbowrama (May 30, 2018)

dragonfly92 said:


> Thanks for the kind words 💙
> 
> And yes, it's emotionally challenging, especially since my partner has been super nice after I "broke the news" and wants to end things in good terms. It makes me second guess the decision.
> 
> ...


They always play nice, sometimes really really nice, but it’s only to bait you back and soon they’re back with their usual behavior. It’s very normal to feel doubts I believe. I had a ton of doubts but then they will slowly subside as you spend more and more time away from those 💩s.


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