# The PerChronicler, edition 3



## daleks_exterminate

*The PerChronicler
Karaoke lock down edition*
*Edition 3 - Wednesday April 1,2020 - www.personalitycafe.com*​

*Important disclaimer*
_The opinions and views expressed in The PerChronicler are those of a deranged ENTP editor and members of the community. They may not reflect the views of Personalitycafe itself, or the views of the moderators (who are absolutely not lizard people) or of VerticalScope, or the demanding opinions of the otters (who despite spending so much time in water don't have blubber and rely on fur to keep them warm...dumb otters). It's also not true that you can buy off the editor, probably._
[hr][/hr]
*Karaoke Challenge?*
Yes, you read that right! You can either use SpeakPipe (like I did) or Vocaroo to record the song of your choice and then post it as a reply. Winner will have a write up in next weeks PerChronicler! I'll even answer all your burning questions. Okay, 10 burning questions. It's the gift that keeps going. You'd have to beat this though:

https://www.speakpipe.com/voice-recorder/msg/p4wf8603v5ow8d1e

which, you know, really good luck, it's pretty great.
[hr][/hr]
*What is The PerChronicler and why was it created?*
The PerChronicler is a weekly "newspaper" for the forum...well if you print it, which I'm not suggesting. I was procrastinating doing something I needed to do when I thought, "hmm you know what should exist? Area 51 tours through SpaceX travel agency, playing risk with actual countries, and a newspaper for personality cafe that has member contributions (such as comics, artwork, recipes, opinion pieces, poems, crafts, chest hair submissions, etc) guest articles, A link to a "thread of the week", some basic world news for the INTPS who don't go outside (I got you), polls, member interviews, auditions for a PerC mascot, a "ban of the week" category (which is satire and if you do stupid things to be banned won't be appreciated by the seven people who are going to read this, so the joke would be on you), A member spotlight, any info from PerC that should be passed along, etc." Surprisingly, neither SpaceX, Elon Musk himself, The US Airforce, or any world leaders have responded to my messages...yet, but the PerC mods said that's a pretty good idea so here we are.

*You've included the "What is this and why was it created?" post in the last two editions... How long were you planning on doing that?*
Until it takes off. Whatever, you're not my real mom. I don't have to listen to you.

*How can I submit something?*
Do you want to list your top favorite cheeses and you want everyone to know that you think American cheese in single packages is the best tasting, most beautiful option? Or have you read a book you want to recommend, be interviewed, talk about an area or interest or expertise? Are you extremely passionate about the Dancing Plague of 1518? Do you want to publicly ask me for terrible advise? Perfect! Send me a PM with the subject title "Newspaper" and we'll get you on a future edition (all forum rules do still apply). This is as interactive as you want it to be! The sky (and my attention span) are the limit!

*Is that comic sans?*
Why yes, it is! Thank you for noticing!

*HOW COULD YOU?!*
Well see it's April 1st and it's the only thing I can really do. Anything of any further prank would be far too much as the world is already pranking all of us and things are going terribly.
[hr][/hr]
*Creative Corner*







No one submitted anything this week and so you're subjected to this terrifying drawing of whales.
Maybe someone will submit something like a poem, drawing, or short story next week. Otherwise I'll be forced to produce more terrifying content.
[hr][/hr]
*Threads of the week*
https://www.personalitycafe.com/announcements/scie...-question.html
Ask a science question! Alternatively, you can just ask anything to me for the newspaper. I'm more than willing to give my unqualified advice publicly to anyone on any subject!

Also here's a random video thread:
https://www.personalitycafe.com/announcements/gene...l#post43842419
I'm assuming you're very bored right now and will just binge watch all of them. Probably a good call, but I can't be certain.
[hr][/hr]
*Ban of the week*
As you probably already know, the user LobsterHater17 was perm banned this week. You probably wonder why such a prolific and well loved PerC member was permbanned. Prior to his ongoing separation agreement with other prolific PerCer LordHowe, many insults were scattered from spam world to the INTJ subfourm (as I'm sure you're all aware). This agreement was thought to be working until the fateful moment when LobsterHater17 placed the following ad in the ISTJ subfourm:


LobsterHater17 said:


> Men wanted for hazardous journey. Moderate wages, bitter salt spray, long hours of complete boredom, perfect for ISTJS. Safe return not entirely guaranteed. Hatred and disgust in event of success. We will travel to Lord Howe's island and, through our combined effort, find and kill all twenty-four remaining Lord Howe's island tree lobsters. For the first time in history, a forum will have made a species extinct for no clear reason whatsoever, other than sending a message to LordHowe, of course!


Unfortunately, many ISTJS have already signed up for this job, but we ask you to reconsider.
[hr][/hr]
*Pet of the week*








@beth x's cutie
[hr][/hr]
*Mod of the week*
Frankly my dear has been chosen as mod of the week for their outstanding bravery and courage in the fight against the trolls. We're not sure where they came from, but their thick fur would suggest someplace cold, like Norway or a refrigerator. Their long claws and sharp fangs struck fear into even the hardened of veterans, but Frankly My Dear just charged right at them with nothing but a bent spoon and a 16th century sextant. We're not sure how they even got out of their clothes so quickly, but somehow it worked.

The trolls will surely be back some day, but thanks to Frankly My Dear we now know exactly how to fight them. We've already reached out to Uri Geller to set up a bent spoon supply chain and the work on a time machine to collect more 16th century sextants is coming along nicely. We just hope the corona situation won't delay our shipment of tear away clothing too much.
[hr][/hr]
*Video game of the week*
Bored of sitting inside doing nothing? Try sitting inside playing video games! This week's recommendation is Cities Skylines, by the Finnish studio Colossal Order. Design and build your own city, from the first neighborhood to a million people. Organize your traffic, zoning, and public services, and watch your citizens do their thing of living a life outside their home. It's basically Sim City but better. Just play it already, you don't have much else to do anyway.
[hr][/hr]
*Personals*


*Dating Ad*
-----------

The famous @NipNip still on the market

Looking for YOU to indulge in episodes of self-pity with - about how difficult it is not being able to see each other in times of self-quarantine.

Candidates must be:
- human
- female (or hysterically good at converting)
- on the age scale somewhere
- residents of Europe (or neighboring continents, or neighboring continents of neighboring continents)
- not allergic to INTPs
- willing to spend their time, and life, more joyously

Serious, not serious,
But kind of serious,

NipNip


*Now some lock down related interviews with viewers like you*


*1.) Are you currently under lockdown/quarantine/shelter in place, or whatever your local equivalent is? (If not, do you expect to be soon?)*

*ESFP:* Something close to that, although I can still walk in the park.

*ENFP: *More like a voluntary shelter in place. There is no law enforcing this policy.

*INFP:* Yes

*INFJ:* YEP

*INTP: *Yep, working from home. In the UK we're allowed to leave the house for:

- Buying food
- Performing essential tasks
- Generic solo exercise on foot

I'm basically remaining indoors permanently for the majority of the time.

*_XNTP:* 3rd week of SIP, which was recently extended to early May

*ISTP:* No. I expect it to happen.

*ISFP:* No, I'm not under lockdown but I can't go out of the country and we're expected to do some social distancing.

*ISTJ:* yes​
*(the following questions are under the assumption of lockdowns, but if you're not under one you can answer how you plan to handle it)

2.) How has it changed your life? What are the positives and negatives?*

*ESFP:* The positives is that I am actually cleaning. And, in the process, I found a whole collection of articles that I've written over the years. When I can, I'm going to put together scrapbooks, highlighting some of my best news articles, feature articles, reviews, and blog posts. They will tell the story of my writing/journalism career.

Another positive is that I am reading more books, which feels relaxing. It is a way to travel through time and space without actually going anywhere. The book that I just finished, Eva's Story, by Eva Schloss with Evelyn Julia Kent, is a memoir of Eva's experiences during World War II of hiding with her mother in Amsterdam, being caught by Nazis on her fifteenth birthday, being sent with her family to Auschwitz-Birkinau, and eventual liberation and freedom. It was a very emotional story. I shed many tears in the process. Eva Schloss' mother eventually married Anne Frank's father. I just started reading The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane, by Lisa See. It depicts a poor family in China. Very interesting thus far.

I'm also busy with my projects, such as crocheting and blogging. Tonight I am going to make a still life about life during a quarantine. It will have several components to it, including a roll of toilet paper. In the future, this will be known as the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020. Who would ever guess that we would go so crazy over toilet paper? If I had the money to invest in the stock market, I would invest in toilet paper and disposable gloves. Non latex, of course, because I'm allergic to latex.

I am also doing online exercise classes! And I am on a low carb/low sugar diet. The advantage of being stuck here is that there are NO TEMPTATIONS!!! I don't keep junk food in my house, and I am not going to gatherings, where I am exposed to fattening, less than nutritious foods! Tonight, I am cooking a butternut squash soup. Looking forward to that.

The negatives are that I am awfully lonely and that I feel like a hermit without a lovely mountaintop and hermitage. As an extrovert, having so much alone time is very challenging. There is too much time to be introspective, which I find to be exhausting. I miss my choir, I miss my church, I miss my friends, I miss all of the fun activities with other people. I have to avoid public transportation so I miss going into the city for events or just to walk in the park. In about a month, the cherry blossoms will open, and I probably won't be able to go and see them.


*ENFP:* Nothing really has changed for me, I'm used to be in an introverted setting.

*INFP:* I am no longer working. Unfortunately I started my new job in March and furlough is only entitled for employees on the payroll since February, so I actually have no idea whether I will have any money in my bank account by next month. I have gone back to an old employer as I was on their payroll in February and the British government have advised people to do this to become entitled, but the problem is that the management aren't very good nor sympathetic and I'm unsure whether if they'll be willing help me or even acknowledge my emails. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they do the right thing otherwise I will have to seek alternatives or suffer financially for slipping through the safety net.

Also my wedding has been postponed. My honeymoon cancelled. My moving in date for the house is now unknown and all depends on whether if the people further up on the housing chain want to risk moving house in these current times.

I was also unable to go into a supermarket with my fiancee this week. I was stopped by a security guard and told to go back to the car as they wouldn't allow us both in together. I felt awful. This security guard was upsetting other couples too and it wasn't nice to witness. I'll be sending the company a letter about it.

My main positive is having the freedom off work, which feels like the best thing in the world as I just love being at home all of the time. I feel it outweighs all of the negatives in my life right now, but I can understand that most people will dread being stuck at home. Another positive is that I'm using this experience for self-discovery as I find that quizzes and tests seem to be taking up all of my time!

*INFJ: *Oh it's glorious I've always wanted to be able to work from home full time.

1. No sardine tin commuting on the Victoria Line.
2. No small talk.
3. No political cliques or office warfare.
4. No having to pretend I find things funny or interesting which I don't, (which we all have to do).
5. None of the sorts of discussions or problem-solving people could get away with if it wasn't having to be in written form (with the associated grace period to think before they say it).
6. No having to go out to drinks with these people and explicitly keep my mouth shut and ask them as many stimulating questions about themselves as possible so as to avoid them finding out how weird and / or in total disagreement with them personally or professionally I may or may not be.
7. No having to wear suits, shirts or having to shave whilst in the bath.
8. No having to get those dry-cleaned - I'm sartorially liberated.

On the other hand:

A. It has massively hampered some of the various wheels, cogs and spinning pieces of a plan I've had for the last year to get out of London to somewhere beautiful permanently and set up a reliable source of self-sustaining income so I don't have to do this gig.
B. I wish I'd sold a few things maybe a few months later to capitalise on this crisis however I couldn't have anticpated this (though I can anticipate how it'll be capitalised upon).

*INTP:* It hasn't changed my life. It's just a short change in lifestyle. My character, my outlook, and my general philosophy on life hasn't changed

*_XNTP:* I'm preparing for possible near-term death. I'm not sick and would likely survive if I were, but since I've been meaning to get my affairs in order for years now, this is a good time to curtail the procrastination, while the possibility of imminent death feels real enough to be a relatively strong motivator.

I'm also cutting out unnecessary obligations from my life. Activities and commitments that I previously thought would add value to my days--fend off a sense of regret on my deathbed--such activities no longer seem like time, attention, and effort wisely spent. They seem frivolous, even though I thought I was choosing them intelligently. I resigned from a board position, and I will probably not pursue activities in that area for a while at least. I just want to focus on becoming ready for death, regardless of whether it comes sooner or later. What this means in physical terms is fairly straightforward, and that's what I'm mostly doing right now. What it means in a spiritual sense, who knows?

*ISTP:* Work is almost locked down. I have to be there anyway. Work is easier when there's less people around.

*ISFP:* I used to not be vigilant on overall cleanliness, but these days I would take a quick body rinse as soon as I come back from the outside.

*ISTJ:* How has it changed your life? What are the positives and negatives?
It hasn't changed my life in the broader sense of the term. It's really only affected my short-term lifestyle.
Some of the positives include, but are not limited to:
A. Sleeping in on workdays.
B. Not having to be office-appropriate most days (i.e., don't have to dress for the office or do my hair, etc.).
C. Ability to take a nap during my lunch period.
D. No commute (not wasting an hour on the city bus in each direction).
E. My car has had a full tank of gas for almost two weeks (have only made two short trips to the store for necessary items).
Some of the negatives include, but are not limited to:
A. Not being able to attend public skating sessions.
B. Not being able to get together with my small group and play trivia at the pub weekly.
C. Not being able to treat myself to my usual once-weekly dine-out experience.
D. Not being able to get in my normal exercise at work (I walk about a half-mile each morning, but it's primarily indoors as I'm making my way to my own office; it's still pretty chilly here in the mornings, plus I'd prefer to not walk only outside/no people due to health concerns if I were to suddenly need assistance).
E. The passing days are starting to become less delineated.​
*3.) Have you taken up any new hobbies or interests?*

*ESFP:* Not really, but I have decided to take a new hobby after this ends, whenever that may be. (see question 4)

*ENFP:* I hope not, I have too many hobbies that I've lost count. I could have a hobby of picking up more hobbies.

*INFP:* I live behind a canal and I've actually had the time to go and feed the ducks with my fiancee. It's the small things in life that makes you really appreciate life. I'm not a gamer in the slightest, but I have actually been doing some gaming, which has been a nice change (though gaming motion sickness is a problem for me).

*INFJ*: 




I was practising these anyway - however it is nice to get to use some of that wasted commuting time on something more pleasant...






*INTP:* Yeah, gaming. I'm playing way more games now.

*_NTP: *Cleaning the house & organizing shit.

*ISTP: *No

*ISFP:* Yes, I've been composing electronic music using some free online softwares that I found on the internet.

*ISTJ:* I started watching a couple of new TV shows on a paid internet service, and I also subscribed to a paid music service to avoid commercials.​
*4.) Are you implementing any creative solutions due to being more at home?*

*ESFP:* One day, I was really bored, so I grabbed a wooden box and attached rubber bands of varying widths to make a "musical instrument." I play with it and actually managed to figure out how to play scales by moving my finger up a "string" (rubber band, lol). The only down side is that it is impossible to tune rubber bands, and they change their tone randomly, making everything sound dramatically out of tune. So, after social distancing ends, and who knows when that might be, I am going to do something about the inability to tune up a musical instrument by equipping myself with a guitar! I have a friend who gives guitar lessons and am excited about a new instrument. I am willing to put lots of effort into this because I love Spanish classical guitar music, and that's not easy to learn!

*ENFP:* Every day I'm creative, I don't need a virus to implement that scenario for me.

*INFP: *I'm not hoarding (I swear!) but I have been using up old ingredients by baking to make space for more essential things in the cupboards. I gathered together a strange concoction of ingredients to make coconut macaroons this week and I must admit that they tasted awful! They looked brilliant...but I don't think I will ever make them again!

*INFJ:* I've had creative solutions for my home since before the COVID-19 happened. I've hooked a webcam up to my PC so it recognises hand gestures to make everything from the lights come on to the automated blinds close (Hey Arnold style), I've always had 3 months of food in the house anyway because it satisfies some strange Amish-like instinct inside me, and I have a robot arm which I've trained to do various things (mostly drop the needle on my vinyl record player):

*INTP:* Not really. To save on making too many trips to the shop, I bought more food than normal so now I have a lot of meat in my freezer, which I don't normally do. Aside from that, I haven't done much different.

*_NTP: *No.

*ISTP:* No

*ISFP:* Yes, I also have been rearranging furniture and pretending to be an interior designer or something..

*ISTJ: *Not much else has changed.​
*5.) Do you have any advice for others in the same situation right now?*

*ESFP*: Yes, read books, do your creative projects, sing, do whatever makes you happy. And don't forget to wash your hands often.

*ENFP*: Stay calm and you'll get through this. Everyone handles stress differently. There are a plethora of things you can do to distract your brain from the stressor.

*INFP*: I recommend for everyone to make sure that they get out the house/flat everyday and walk somewhere, anywhere. The fresh air will clear the mind and being outside in an natural environment will be healthy for you (e.g. feeling the wind on your face or feeling natural sunlight on your skin). It's very easy to get cooped up in the house all day, everyday. Stay healthy. Have a walk. And most of all - keep talking to people.

*INFJ: *If you extroverts are suffering during this period of time:

1. Good.
2. I invite you to reflect on what the world outside you've built around yourselves has been like for us, the oppressed and introverted.
3. WELCOME TO MY HOUSE M-THERF-CKERS.

*INTP:* Nope.

*_NTP:* No, I don't think so.

*ISTP:* No

*ISFP:* Facetime is your friend.

*ISTJ: *Try to stay in contact with those that are important to you via phone, text, or social media.​
*6.) How do you keep from boredom?*

*ESFP:* It's hard to be totally bored when you're fascinated by every shiny thing that comes along.

Thank you for your participation! 

You're welcome. I'm always happy to spread Gnomishness around where ever I can.

Sincerely, Glenda Gnome Starr, Queen of Glitter Gnomes

*ENFP:* I'm an ENFP. I'm rarely bored. I will always find a project to sink my teeth into and chew on.

*INFP:* I don't have a problem with boredom as I always find something to do. But if you do get bored of watching the same old television everyday then why don't you give yourself something more physically stimulating to do? How about doing the washing up by hand instead of putting the dishes in the dishwasher? What about finally sorting out the attic or the basement? What about giving your kitchen cupboards and drawers a wash? How many old clothes do you have in the wardrobes that could probably do with throwing out? Are you really going to read any of those books on that bookshelf? Could the windows do with a clean? Does something in the house need fixing or adjusting with a little bit of DIY? There's always something you can do to keep busy. Keep it at! 

*INFJ:* It's keeping away from over-stimulation which is my problem I'm afraid. So this is perfect... x

*INTP:* Play computer games, surf facebook, youtube etc. Not much different from normal, to be honest. I do feel a little more bored though, because I can't go outside or do what I normally do (i.e. gym, hiking, driving places).

*_NTP:* I haven't had to grapple with boredom. There's a lot to do. Cleaning and organizing isn't boring if you're absorbed in it.

*ISTP*: I'm always bored. Got minor projects on ice at home. Gaming. Studying math as I intend to change my life, again.

*ISFP:* [1] I write fanfictions
[2] I make music
[3] I read online novels

*ISTJ:* Social media, watching game shows on TV, paid video and music content online, etc.​
Special thanks to:
@Glenda Gnome Starr - ESFP
@NIHM - ENFP
@DAVIE - INFP
@Six - INFJ
@HAL - INTP
@Pippi - _NTP
@pwowq - ISTP
@Notus Asphodelus - ISFP
@Sela - ISTJ
[hr][/hr]
*Enneagram types under quarantine*


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## DAVIE

_INFJ: If you extroverts are suffering during this period of time:

1. Good.
2. I invite you to reflect on what the world outside you've built around yourselves has been like for us, the oppressed and introverted.
3. WELCOME TO MY HOUSE M-THERF-CKERS._


That's the best bit! :laughin:


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## NipNip




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## Pippi

"I'm getting more cleaning done..."
"Nothing much has changed..."
"It's very difficult, but I'm coping with it as best I can..."

Pippi: "I'm preparing to die." :rolling:


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## NIHM

Pippi said:


> "I'm getting more cleaning done..."
> "Nothing much has changed..."
> "It's very difficult, but I'm coping with it as best I can..."
> 
> Pippi: "I'm preparing to die." :rolling:


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## Fennel

Pippi said:


> "I'm getting more cleaning done..."
> "Nothing much has changed..."
> "It's very difficult, but I'm coping with it as best I can..."
> 
> Pippi: "I'm preparing to die." :rolling:


I've always been preparing to die. Nothing new...


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## Notus Asphodelus

Have to admit, I'm enjoying reading all of these..


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## daleks_exterminate

I copied @Pippi's answers wrong. Sorry about that! It should be:


4.) Are you implementing any creative solutions due to being more at home?

should be "No, I don't think so."

5.) Do you have any advice for others in the same situation right now?

should be "No."

I can no longer edit, but here's the correction.


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## NIHM

Notus Asphodelus said:


> Have to admit, I'm enjoying reading all of these..


Yeah, I was really proud of myself, I kept to the point and focused. This is a rare moment for me. Normally I can write whole novels.


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## Fennel

NIHM said:


> Yeah, I was really proud of myself, I kept to the point and focused. This is a rare moment for me. Normally I can write whole novels.


I think we would enjoy the novels, too.


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## ai.tran.75

NIHM said:


> Yeah, I was really proud of myself, I kept to the point and focused. This is a rare moment for me. Normally I can write whole novels.


Enfp was spot on  


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Notus Asphodelus

NIHM said:


> Yeah, I was really proud of myself, I kept to the point and focused. This is a rare moment for me. Normally I can write whole novels.


What kind of novel do you write?


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## VinnieBob

Daddy uncle vinniebob survival guide of the zombie apocalypse 

1- FUCK STOCKING UP ON TOILET PAPER
one word, DRUGS
Valium, Vicodin , eight balls and weed/acid

2- stockpile snacks
After the drugs you will need munchies
Oreos, penis butter cups, Ben and Jerry’s death by chocolate are a few suggestions 

3 - binge watch stoner movies and gay black dwarf clown midget porn

4- liquor

5- KY jelly and vasoline for those intimate moments 

6- gerbils or Peruvian anal feeders

7- repeat steps 1-6 as many times as necessary


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