# The Electra Complex and I



## OneTriz (Jul 17, 2019)

So, basically, I have many problems with gender and gender identity, to the point where I am ambiguously transgender. However, recently, I was thinking about the Electra complex and how it alligns with me. For context, as of now, I am a 16 year old girl, only child. On a therapy visit some months ago, mother told me that I hated hugging her when I was young. My very first memory was of me looking up at my crib, perhaps I was longing to have a penis. I remember I felt close to my family, up until I was 6 years old. I remember wanting to befriend a boy in my class but people kept teasing me and saying that I wanted to date him. This enraged me so much that I tried to choke one of the girls. It's quite vague now, but I remember my parents would make me feel like a monster for it. Things with my family would never be the same. Curiously enough, enneatype 7's origin is related to losing connection with the mother figure.
Fast forward to middle school, and I saw boys going through puberty. Prior to this, my own puberty was met with complete indifference. I was perfectly fine with being a girl before, to the point of even having a strong dispreference for male or masculine characters. But I remember really wishing I could go through male puberty too. I was becoming depressed. I had discovered the transgender community around this time too, and remember coming out to my online friends as a trans boy until early 2019.
It was a strange moment, I wanted to be a girl very much. I thought it would be the end, but alas the feelings came back. 
I did notice a pattern in the type of guys I would befriend online, and especially want to be like. After analyzing, I realized they were all type 6 or at least had a 6 wing. Just like father. I feel resentful because I feel as if I deserve strong emotions like them. I often have daydreams where I go on a quest to become a man, literally and figuratively. Perhaps the gender issues are worse when I feel as if mother is upset with me. I often feel as if she is an obstacle. I'd say I hate her if it didn't sound like a dumb teenager thing to say. I just feel so envious of boys. I hang around them a lot too in hope that their traits rub off on me. I want to be happy.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

What?? You have a complex about me? 🤔


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)




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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

I like your tritype


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## OneTriz (Jul 17, 2019)

Electra said:


> What?? You have a complex about me? 🤔











Electra complex - Wikipedia







en.wikipedia.org


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

I had not actually ever read the details of that complex... seems like it can (conveniently) explain pretty much every outcome.


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## IamAlexa (Jan 28, 2021)

Electra said:


> What?? You have a complex about me? 🤔


I also thought the same 😂


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

OneTriz said:


> Electra complex - Wikipedia
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I was just joking 😉


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## IamAlexa (Jan 28, 2021)

@OneTriz 
I don't know anything about the complex or transgenders. 

Calm down
Accept yourself, accept your feelings. 
Don't judge yourself harshly
Try hard to be out of wrong patterns 
Invest your energy in all the things - fixed serious long term goals, short term goals just for fun and entertainment activities. 
Don't criticise yourself for anything that you aren't responsible for. 
Let life take you where it wants. 
And always keep a check to not indulge into any wrong patterns like that electra complex. 
Live healthy and live happy.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

OneTriz said:


> So, basically, I have many problems with gender and gender identity, to the point where I am ambiguously transgender. However, recently, I was thinking about the Electra complex and how it alligns with me. For context, as of now, I am a 16 year old girl, only child. On a therapy visit some months ago, mother told me that I hated hugging her when I was young. My very first memory was of me looking up at my crib, perhaps I was longing to have a penis. I remember I felt close to my family, up until I was 6 years old. I remember wanting to befriend a boy in my class but people kept teasing me and saying that I wanted to date him. This enraged me so much that I tried to choke one of the girls. It's quite vague now, but I remember my parents would make me feel like a monster for it. Things with my family would never be the same. Curiously enough, enneatype 7's origin is related to losing connection with the mother figure.
> Fast forward to middle school, and I saw boys going through puberty. Prior to this, my own puberty was met with complete indifference. I was perfectly fine with being a girl before, to the point of even having a strong dispreference for male or masculine characters. But I remember really wishing I could go through male puberty too. I was becoming depressed. I had discovered the transgender community around this time too, and remember coming out to my online friends as a trans boy until early 2019.
> It was a strange moment, I wanted to be a girl very much. I thought it would be the end, but alas the feelings came back.
> I did notice a pattern in the type of guys I would befriend online, and especially want to be like. After analyzing, I realized they were all type 6 or at least had a 6 wing. Just like father. I feel resentful because I feel as if I deserve strong emotions like them. I often have daydreams where I go on a quest to become a man, literally and figuratively. Perhaps the gender issues are worse when I feel as if mother is upset with me. I often feel as if she is an obstacle. I'd say I hate her if it didn't sound like a dumb teenager thing to say. I just feel so envious of boys. I hang around them a lot too in hope that their traits rub off on me. I want to be happy.


Your tale is sad and one that might point to therapy being helpful so that you can parse out your life and feelings in a safe environment. As far as your incident of teasing, people can be assholes, incapable of discerning other people's boundaries. That said, your violent reaction once again points to how therapy might help.

Judging from what you've written, your life sounds stressful. Were you aware that constant stress can impact on people's immune system and sense of well-being?


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## OneTriz (Jul 17, 2019)

mia-me said:


> Your tale is sad and one that might point to therapy being helpful so that you can parse out your life and feelings in a safe environment. As far as your incident of teasing, people can be assholes, incapable of discerning other people's boundaries. That said, your violent reaction once again points to how therapy might help.
> 
> Judging from what you've written, your life sounds stressful. Were you aware that constant stress can impact on people's immune system and sense of well-being?


Yeah, I go to therapy, will prob mention this to her at the next appointment. Also I wouldn't describe my life to be stressful, my emotions are very blunted. I was aware of that, but still interesting. Thanks!


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

OneTriz said:


> Yeah, I go to therapy, will prob mention this to her at the next appointment. Also I wouldn't describe my life to be stressful, my emotions are very blunted. I was aware of that, but still interesting. Thanks!


Glad to hear that you're taking steps to improve your life. As primarily laypersons on this site, diagnosis and help would be beyond the majority including myself, at least for something as complex as sexual identity and past traumas, whether in relation to or distinct issues.


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## Fru2 (Aug 21, 2018)

@OneTriz Taking this from a completely logical standpoint - do you think you'll ever feel satisfied and truly a man as the other men? 
And how did you reach this conclusion? 


> My very first memory was of me looking up at my crib, perhaps I was longing to have a penis.


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## OneTriz (Jul 17, 2019)

Fru2 said:


> @OneTriz Taking this from a completely logical standpoint - do you think you'll ever feel satisfied and truly a man as the other men?
> And how did you reach this conclusion?


Hmm, I can't quite visualize any future for myself. I wouldn't call it a conclusion but rather a possibility. Hard to put into words, it's just how I make sense of it looking back.


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## Fru2 (Aug 21, 2018)

OneTriz said:


> Hmm, I can't quite visualize any future for myself. I wouldn't call it a conclusion but rather a possibility. Hard to put into words, it's just how I make sense of it looking back.


An ENTP that can't visualize a future for themselves _*and*_ has reached a conclusion without logically deducing it? 
I learn new things every day!


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## OneTriz (Jul 17, 2019)

Fru2 said:


> An ENTP that can't visualize a future for themselves _*and*_ has reached a conclusion without logically deducing it?
> I learn new things every day!


I literally just said it wasn't a conclusion. Did you not see the word 'perhaps'?
Also, what's wrong with an ENTP not being able to visualize a future? Thought that was more of a Ni thing.


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## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

OneTriz said:


> So, basically, I have many problems with gender and gender identity, to the point where I am ambiguously transgender. However, recently, I was thinking about the Electra complex and how it alligns with me. For context, as of now, I am a 16 year old girl, only child. On a therapy visit some months ago, mother told me that I hated hugging her when I was young. My very first memory was of me looking up at my crib, perhaps I was longing to have a penis. I remember I felt close to my family, up until I was 6 years old. I remember wanting to befriend a boy in my class but people kept teasing me and saying that I wanted to date him. This enraged me so much that I tried to choke one of the girls. It's quite vague now, but I remember my parents would make me feel like a monster for it. Things with my family would never be the same. Curiously enough, enneatype 7's origin is related to losing connection with the mother figure.
> 
> Fast forward to middle school, and I saw boys going through puberty. Prior to this, my own puberty was met with complete indifference. I was perfectly fine with being a girl before, to the point of even having a strong dispreference for male or masculine characters. But I remember really wishing I could go through male puberty too. I was becoming depressed. I had discovered the transgender community around this time too, and remember coming out to my online friends as a trans boy until early 2019.
> 
> ...


Look, I don't wish to hurt your feelings, I'm just going to tell you what I think, if I do hurt your feelings I hope I you will find some forgiveness in knowing that was not my intention and I was actually trying to help you by telling you what I think, I don't mean to hurt, upset or offend you, but if it comes across as such, I'm sorry, that was not my intention.

You had a rough childhood from what you say, while your reaction to choke one of the girls was inappropiate, just like the boy's reaction of teasing you and saying that you wanted to date him, even in the event that this is indeed what you wanted to do, it's just bad for him to do this to you, he should not have done that. And your counter-reaction to one of the girls who probably didn't deseve it was kind of an overkill as well, even if she deserved it teasing you about it, it was an overkill.

Probably, what you should have done is, as soon as he started teasing you that you want to date him, realise that this means clearly that he's not interested in you and he doesn't like you, either as a friend or lover or whatever, and just leave him alone, just cut him off and stop trying to want to befriend him or have any interaction with him. Just leave him alone. That was a mature decision. But you're kids, this is why all of this is full of immature decision and it's understandable because you were kids.

But your parents reaction was probably the worst. They were adults, they have no excuse, they should have had their stuff together and act accordingly. Instead of punishing you for it. They should have realised you have a problem and try to help you, nicely, not with punishments or ostracizing. They probably only made it worse, their reaction was completely inappropiate.

Personally, I feel there are only 2 genders, biologically. You are either born an XX girl or an XY boy. It's society, the gender norms they impose on people, that's messed up, not the genders themselves.

You can be a girl and be as boyish as you want, or a boy and be as girly as you wany, as in act like a boy/girl. There is nothing wrong with that fundamentally. In fact, we all, regardless of gender have both a feminine and a masculine side. The problem is that society often judges us for it, because according to some narrow-minded people _"girls are supposed to be girls, to be frail and love flowers"_ and _"boys are supposed to be boys, to be though and like superheroes"_. You don't have to do either of that to be a man or a woman.

I don't like football and I love cats, yet I'm a boy. And I'm perfectly fine with that. I don't think of myself as less than a man because of this, even if others may have other standards, I just don't care because they are dumb, and I'm not saying this with bitterness or resentment, but as a fact, as it is, they have some wrong opinions about what it means to be a man or woman and it's their fault or failure, their narrow-mindedness is none of my business.

And as I said, we all have both a feminine and a masculine side regardless of gender. Some have more in one direction while others have more in the other direction. That doesn't make you less of a man or woman. That doesn't make you less of the man or woman you are.

As for being a man, I think you might be under the illusion that the grass is greener on the other side. It's not. Boys have their own set of challenges to, just like girls have. Don't take my word for it, take Norah Vincent's word for it, a self-made man, a woman who pretended to be a man for 1,5 years. She was actually going for 2 years but couldn't get it through due to having severe depression on the way, so she went back to be a woman.


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## OneTriz (Jul 17, 2019)

Dezir said:


> Look, I don't wish to hurt your feelings, I'm just going to tell you what I think, if I do hurt your feelings I hope I you will find some forgiveness in knowing that was not my intention and I was actually trying to help you by telling you what I think, I don't mean to hurt, upset or offend you, but if it comes across as such, I'm sorry, that was not my intention.
> 
> You had a rough childhood from what you say, while your reaction to choke one of the girls was inappropiate, just like the boy's reaction of teasing you and saying that you wanted to date him, even in the event that this is indeed what you wanted to do, it's just bad for him to do this to you, he should not have done that. And your counter-reaction to one of the girls who probably didn't deseve it was kind of an overkill as well, even if she deserved it teasing you about it, it was an overkill.
> 
> ...


Sorry for not responding until now, but I see your point and I'd like to reply.
You mention gender roles making people feel like they're a different gender, but I don't particularly think that's the case for me. I don't blame you for thinking that way though because my thread lacked a lot of information and context.
For me, I want to be full of testosterone and be with the guys, even if I'm not considered masculine or anything. I want to be hungry, hairy, and horny because it makes me happy. I prefer the term 'sex dysphoria' rather than 'gender dysphoria' for me though because I want to have male characteristics, not have some kind of masculine role. I'm willing to make that as much of a reality as possible, and me conforming to gender roles isn't because I'm like "Oh I'm a guy, male = masculine" but more of because my status as a male would be challenged if I didn't, especially if I've transitioned. 

Also I remember a while back doing research into men's issues, it feels like something I _should_ bear because... it just does. I don't give a shit about male privilege if you're talking along those terms. I don't think being a man would be better for everyone, I think being a man would be better for me because... I just want to.

I'm not really sure why I made the thread though. It's not like my parents will let me do anything. Perhaps I just wanted someone to say something that would make the pain stop. I've considered that I'm just a confused woman... but I don't see that? People are often like "you're gender dysphoric because the other girls treat you differently" and im like "Why would I feel a need to integrate as a girl" because I just don't.
Hope this helps.


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## superloco3000 (Dec 15, 2017)

OneTriz said:


> Sorry for not responding until now, but I see your point and I'd like to reply.
> You mention gender roles making people feel like they're a different gender, but I don't particularly think that's the case for me. I don't blame you for thinking that way though because my thread lacked a lot of information and context.
> For me, I want to be full of testosterone and be with the guys, even if I'm not considered masculine or anything. I want to be hungry, hairy, and horny because it makes me happy. I prefer the term 'sex dysphoria' rather than 'gender dysphoria' for me though because I want to have male characteristics, not have some kind of masculine role. I'm willing to make that as much of a reality as possible, and me conforming to gender roles isn't because I'm like "Oh I'm a guy, male = masculine" but more of because my status as a male would be challenged if I didn't, especially if I've transitioned.
> 
> ...


it is hard to imagine the pain when you only represent a small percentage.
The majority will always be idiots in these cases, simply because it is impossible for the majority to process it.

Although biologically there are only 2 sexes, it is foolish to ignore the internal psychology to determine what you are, in fact the greatest philosophers, psychologists, economists, etc. came to the conclusion that only you can create your future (the internal world would be the one that produces the next evolution).

I am stupid but I sincerely believe that you must find a way to be financially independent, find people who are similar to you, develop internally what you are and be strong as a rock to continue living.

I studied music composition, but I saw a lot of people who had different inclinations in the art world.

My best friend had a brother who was gay and he always had trouble explaining that, but when we were all 3 we smoked marijuana and no one gave a shit.
I also knew dancers who were all over the spectrum, no one gave a shit.

I mean you have to accept yourself, and fuck what other people think... and find people who think similar to you.


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