# Your own personal dating/relationship "rules"



## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

puer_aeternus said:


> A personal rule I follow is, when I'm already interested in someone and wanting to pursue someone, I look for someone else while I purse that someone. Morally questionable? Sure. But it's a good way to protect my feelings... from "one-itis"


hahahaha, you used the term "one-itis." My boyfriend and I use that term as a joke.

Anyway, I have a long-term boyfriend now, but here are my rules in general from when I was looking for someone:

1. Has to be emotionally available. This is an absolute must. I don't want to be talking to someone about feelings and feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. Has to be honest and upfront about his emotions, even if they're ugly. I had an ex who used to lie about how he would feel and then be like "oh yeah well when I told you I felt that way I was lying, now here's how I REALLY felt"...and then tell another lie and then tell me it was a lie a few weeks later, until neither of us knew which feelings were true and which weren't. Never again.

2. Has to get my sense of humor, and my personality in general. Generally people are either totally weirded out by me, or weirded out yet fascinated.

3. Has to be able to deal with my craziness (I have really bad anxiety and occasional depression). Has to be willing to calm me down when I'm upset (my boyfriend is awesome at this). Panic attacks are unfortunately a part of my life, so if someone can't deal with it then it's not going to work out.

4. Has to be a feminist, even if they don't formally identify as such (by feminist I mean "person who believes in equal rights for men and women"). Having a Madonna-whore complex is an absolute dealbreaker. Or being one of those people who say "yeah I'm not sexist but 90% of women suck...but YOU'RE cool." No racism or homophobia either (although I'm from NYC so if people are racist/homophobic, they usually hide it).

5. No physical abuse of any kind, date rape, etc. although this kind of goes without saying. Emotional abuse is kind of a grey area (ie. where is the line between being upset/angry/stressed out, and emotionally abusive?) but I'd say, if I feel like I'm being emotionally abused then that's a dealbreaker.

6. Has to have some kind of goals in life. This may seem a little shallow, and it's not like I want someone who's super rich or anything like that, but since if I was single, I would looking for the person I'm going to spend my life with, I don't want to be with someone who is a slacker and who isn't going to at least try to provide for future children. I intend to have a career and so should the other person.

7. Should be intelligent. Once again, seems shallow, but I feel like there would be too many incompatibility issues with someone who wasn't intelligent.

These are the only truly necessary things. Any romantic partner is going to have some stuff that others would consider "dealbreakers" (for example, my boyfriend voted for George W. Bush...twice...he's 31 and doesn't know how to cook, has absolutely no sense of neatness or organization, and sometimes forgets to do basic commonsense things like shower because of his ADHD). But when it comes down to it the basic trust and understanding stuff is really what matters.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

Sovereign said:


> 1. I will not date someone that I cannot trust, or who I deem to be inordinately selfish. Relationships are a team sport, and lack of trust and/or that "give and take" balance ruins any synergy that might otherwise exist. This synergy is a major reason that I would desire a relationship.
> 
> 2. I will not date someone who I find to be emotionally unstable. Control that in one way or another, please.
> 
> ...


Wow, you and I would NOT get along! LOL. I have all of these except #1.


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## phony (Nov 28, 2012)

Thursday nights will be spent cuddling and watching adventure time and as told by ginger and eating brownies and fucking really really loudly on the sofa and then watching Napoleon Dynamite.


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## Mysteryman (Apr 21, 2012)

phony said:


> Thursday nights will be spent cuddling and watching adventure time and as told by ginger and eating brownies and fucking really really loudly on the sofa and then watching Napoleon Dynamite.


Woah. that seems good to me.


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

I watch, I watch a lot, listen and learn.
Also make clear that I don't want a relationship, sounds terrible but I try to switch to "friend mode" right away, "dating" per se involves someone trying to buy and someone trying to sell, that makes doesn't really help on getting to know somebody.



devoid said:


> I always discuss sex within the first few dates. Why? Because I am a very sexual person, and I believe that sexuality defines a person more than they realize.


Totally agree. Sadly most people think talking about sex means "you" want it so bad with them when that's not the objective. Many hide important sexual details and then it's too late when you find out.

*And... some of my central points: *pay attention on how they talk about their exes...

Blaming and complaining about your exes it's fine as long as you tell me something good about them, otherwise it's pure lack of respect and you are trying to build something there (a movie)
Blaming and complaining it's allowed but there is a limit, only fools stay too long in sick relationships
I pay attention to their face expression...

Just that mostly


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

Sovereign said:


> 1. I will not date someone that I cannot trust, or who I deem to be inordinately selfish. Relationships are a team sport, and lack of trust and/or that "give and take" balance ruins any synergy that might otherwise exist. This synergy is a major reason that I would desire a relationship.
> 
> 3. I will not date someone who makes a habit out of complaining instead of taking action to solve their problems. Complaining is ALWAYS wasted effort. I'm sure I've uttered the phrase "suck it up, buttercup" thousands of times since I learned to speak.
> 
> ...


Agreed.



thismustbetheplace said:


> 1. Has to be emotionally available. This is an absolute must. I don't want to be talking to someone about feelings and feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. Has to be honest and upfront about his emotions, even if they're ugly.


Well.. what do you define as "ugly"?




> I had an ex who used to lie about how he would feel and then be like "oh yeah well when I told you I felt that way I was lying, now here's how I REALLY felt"...and then tell another lie and then tell me it was a lie a few weeks later, until neither of us knew which feelings were true and which weren't. Never again.


Yeah, with someone like that, get out. Quick. 



> 2. Has to get my sense of humor, and my personality in general. Generally people are either totally weirded out by me, or weirded out yet fascinated.


Agreed! But, this next one's where I'm torn:



> 3. Has to be able to deal with my craziness (I have really bad anxiety and occasional depression). Has to be willing to calm me down when I'm upset (my boyfriend is awesome at this). Panic attacks are unfortunately a part of my life, so if someone can't deal with it then it's not going to work out.


And what Sovereign said:



> 2. I will not date someone who I find to be emotionally unstable. Control that in one way or another, please.


I kind of... get both. I don't want to constantly play a (failing) therapist role in my next relationship, but generally speaking everyone has some kind of issue. Like you, I also have anxiety with a touch of depression, and at other times, I have foot-in-mouth moments. Some issues are easier to handle than others; I do get a sense of satisfaction if I can help out someone, but the black holes who don't want to be helped are trouble (if someone turned out to be borderline/narcissistic/sociopathic, I'd be out of there quick). 




> 4. Has to be a feminist, even if they don't formally identify as such (by feminist I mean "person who believes in equal rights for men and women"). Having a Madonna-whore complex is an absolute dealbreaker. Or being one of those people who say "yeah I'm not sexist but 90% of women suck...but YOU'RE cool." No racism or homophobia either (although I'm from NYC so if people are racist/homophobic, they usually hide it).
> 
> 5. No physical abuse of any kind, date rape, etc. although _this kind of goes without saying_. Emotional abuse is kind of a grey area (ie. where is the line between being upset/angry/stressed out, and emotionally abusive?) but I'd say, if I feel like I'm being emotionally abused then that's a dealbreaker.
> 
> ...


That last paragraph makes a point. A person can have a lot of standards, but no one's perfect. 

Anyway, some of my own preferences:

1) Know how to have fun. I want someone who's equal parts philosophical, intelligent, strong, and then just plain silly.

2) Communicate. Please don't just shut me out when you're upset about something, or build up any frustrations and then explode later. I'm not going to be perfect, nor will I be a mind reader. 

3) I have to be able to get along with your family and you have to be able to get along with mine. Meaning, I have my own parents, I don't need yours to condescend upon me about what kind of man I should be. My parents don't take it upon themselves to control my prospective partner. 

4) Demonstrate that you can take care of yourself and be healthy.


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## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

* The man I'm dating has to love animals, understand them, get along with them, and allow me to make friends with them. I have no use for a man who can't shake paws.

* If I'm sleeping with someone casually, it's on my own terms. I get to decide when to meet and where, and he's free to say no if he doesn't agree to those terms - but they're mine.

* I don't have a problem with someone who eats meat, but I personally will not step into a KFC. I won't even eat take-out from there. I'm VERY anti-KFC. I don't have a problem with other fast food joints.

* I ill get serious with a man who speaks good English. English grammar gets me horny. 

* He has to love reading. He can read whatever. As long as he gets joy from reading and can pass his time with a book. 

* If I'm dating someone seriously, we are going to have the "serious talk" pretty soon. Wait, if we're NOT being serious, too, we should have a talk. I like things to be upfront and on the table before I jump into a relationship (or a fling) with anyone.

* I insist on full disclosure and honesty. Yes, sometimes I don't handle the facts very well - but I want to know them.

* A guy who is a kid at heart will have _my_ heart forever.

* Cute, incomprehensible nicknames and words, sounds and signals, will be a part of our everyday vocabulary (no one else needs to know. Poker face in front of the rest of the world!)

* His family has to like me (or his mum at least) and the opposite is true - my dad has to like him. I won't get serious with anyone my family has a real problem with (doesn't apply to casual dating; parents won't even come into the picture).

* If I am getting seriously involved with him, he will know very soon, and yes, I will expect to marry him someday and have his kid(s). If he doesn't want me to get carried away with my daydreaming, he'll have to stop being so attractive.

Edit: Adding a few more...

* I'm not interested in anyone with anger issues/aggressive behaviour. Competitiveness is fine if it's work-related, and to a certain extent, but I refuse to date anyone who has a serious lack of self control in the anger department.

* We have to be able to discuss important stuff easily, like what's going on in the world, and he should not think I'm weird when that happens. I love a guy I can learn something from. I'm always eager and willing to learn about the other person's interests.

* My teddy bears are mine, not his. 

* He should love my body (goes without saying) and should not give me any reason to feel insecure/unhappy about it. 

And finally, to the person I love (and am waiting for):
* I love you. I might not say it in those three words, but you know it. And I will stand by you through every single thing you go through, the good and the bad. I'm waiting for you to realise the same thing.


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## OtisPB (Dec 3, 2012)

milti said:


> * I will get serious with a man who speaks good English. English grammar gets me horny.


I think you mean "I will get serious with a man who speaks proper English." or "I will get serious with a man who speaks English well." :tongue:


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## littleblackdress (Feb 24, 2013)

OtisPB said:


> I think you mean "I will get serious with a man who speaks proper English." or "I will get serious with a man who speaks English well." :tongue:


Careful - you may have just found yourself a mate!


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## Doctor Sleep (Apr 16, 2013)

Rule #1: Your not leaving the fucking bedroom


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

thismustbetheplace said:


> snip snip


You want a nanny to pick up your emotional stuff and tuck it away under the covers. Personally having been through anxiety, depression, PTSD and bipolar, I can only tell you this: learn to pick up your own pieces instead of relying on everyone else to do it for you.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

Hmm I guess that my main absolute rules are:
- my partner has to want the similar/same things in life/relationship - there would be no point in being together if he wants open relationships while I want marriage and family;
- I have to be my partner's "the one". If I'm not special nor being highly cared for/devoted to, or he might even have feelings for someone else, it's a big NO. I don't need crazy devotion as I don't need a slave or shrink, or supporter or any kind, but lack of regard is a huge sign for me;
- no borderline issues like lacking of EQ or anger control, or even show dangerous possibilities, nor too emotionally dramatic or self absorbed.

I can actually tell the first and the last points pretty quickly, and the second point pretty soon.

Aside of these absolutes, I guess that I prefer a partner with similar ideas, interests and beliefs. Or at least compatibility in these. And a similar financial background.  And honesty in everything.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

drmiller100 said:


> Bigot: A bigot is a prejudiced person who is intolerant of any opinions differing from their own.


Are you suggesting that not wanting to have sex with someone because of their religious background makes me intolerant of their opinion? I didn't know I had to take someone's dick to accept them as an equal.


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

devoid said:


> Are you suggesting that not wanting to have sex with someone because of their religious background makes me intolerant of their opinion? I didn't know I had to take someone's dick to accept them as an equal.


I think it has a lot to do with you ripping Catholics a big asshole in your first post


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

puer_aeternus said:


> I think it has a lot to do with you ripping Catholics a big asshole in your first post


Think I give a fuck? xD You asked me my personal rules, I gave 'em. Anybody who calls themselves Catholic and goes around looking for casual sex with Atheists is already breaking three big rules in their much-loved "holy book" anyway. Not the type of person I'd find to be trustworthy or selfless.


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

devoid said:


> Think I give a fuck? xD You asked me my personal rules, I gave 'em. Anybody who calls themselves Catholic and goes around looking for casual sex with Atheists is already breaking three big rules in their much-loved "holy book" anyway. Not the type of person I'd find to be trustworthy or selfless.


Why are you so mad? You honestly sound like you're PMSing for a lot of your posts


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## Archetype (Mar 17, 2011)

Splitting the bill on the first date


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

ilphithra said:


> You want a nanny to pick up your emotional stuff and tuck it away under the covers. Personally having been through anxiety, depression, PTSD and bipolar, I can only tell you this: learn to pick up your own pieces instead of relying on everyone else to do it for you.


Uh, thanks for the unsolicited advice, INTJ person. Of course I'm trying to deal with my problems myself too, and I would say that I get a lot accomplished in life considering how paralyzed by anxiety I am on a daily basis. And it goes both ways, I'm always there for my boyfriend, friends or family if they need me. But a lot of times with anxiety it's difficult to deal with it all on your own, and if your partner is going to be unsupportive and make you feel even worse, that really doesn't help.

This post could be titled "Why INTJs dislike me and vice versa."


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

SugarForBreakfast said:


> Well.. what do you define as "ugly"?


I mean it really depends. Stuff like "I think you're selfish" or "I don't trust you" or something like that. This was mainly referring to my ex who decided not to tell me whenever he was upset at me and just leave me to guess what his issue was.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

puer_aeternus said:


> Why are you so mad? You honestly sound like you're PMSing for a lot of your posts


Ever been raped by a Catholic? I have been multiple times by one, hurt by another, and molested by yet another. I don't even know that many fucking Catholics. So yeah, I get that I'm a "bigot" for making generalizations, but it's also my own goddamn choice who I trust and why. Between my own experiences and those of others I know, it's not that much a generalization as a valid concern.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

She can't have a bigger dick than me. That's the rule.


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## Echoe (Apr 23, 2012)

I don't even know, haha. I tend to be the sort who doesn't worry about a bridge and how to cross it until it's actually impending/there. 


I do have a rule that I'm to drop anyone who lies to me because you know there should be more where that came from and it's an ominous indicator of low maturity. 

Must be able to respect each others' intelligence, character, etc (Just, respect).

"Significant" mental or physical health conditions don't make me feel good (I think especially as an E9 INTP I really like my internal and external peace, and independence)...

Is invested into handling their present and future life in a healthy and responsible way, can't define where the line for that would start right now (I guess I'll just yet again wait for the bridge).

Must not otherwise set my feelings off with red flags or disgust.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

puer_aeternus said:


> Why are you so mad? You honestly sound like you're PMSing for a lot of your posts


I literally "lol-ed".



devoid said:


> Ever been raped by a Catholic? I have been multiple times by one, hurt by another, and molested by yet another. I don't even know that many fucking Catholics. So yeah, I get that I'm a "bigot" for making generalizations, but it's also my own goddamn choice who I trust and why. Between my own experiences and those of others I know, it's not that much a generalization as a valid concern.


Whoa there, lady... I had a gang of them landing on me and raping me just because of my sexual "tastes" when I was 16; but that didn't make me automatically hate every single Christian/Catholic. Actually, that would mean hating my whole family which, despite their views, I don't. 

Throwing everyone into the same bag and tar them with the same paint is a bit OTT. There's good and bad everywhere and I've met complete morons and ultra-homophobes that weren't even Catholic/Christian so take a few moments before throwing everyone down the pit.

@_thismustbetheplace_

I know very well what you go through and I know from experience that unless you work on helping yourself, people will eventually move on. Human nature and all that and unless you find someone completely and utterly selfless, after a while people will move away because it becomes exhausting to deal with stuff like what you're going through.

I've had my episodes and my ISFP SO was there for me and I was there for when she needed me. That doesn't mean we depend on each other all the time because that level of dependency is bad. Also, you need to be able to function on your own, when your "pillar" isn't there. Hence, another reason to work on picking yourself up.

So yeah, I don't pussy foot around and say it as it is... tough. However, don't assume right away that I'm dissing you because like I said, I've been in your shoes and then some.


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

The only thing I've learned in dating is not to take everything personally. Don't take his criticism of me the wrong way, often he's trying to help. And LISTEN when he does say something he doesn't like about me. I can't expect him to only compliment me, that would be ignoring every issue that comes along. Also discuss our expectations often. And NO major communication blackouts, that only allows us to fester.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

The people I've dated are nothing alike to one another. I wish I were kidding. Even if I were to type them right now, it'd be a clusterfuck. 

But I have a few expectations for the people I date that are consistent. I expect you to be good to me. This ties into respecting me. You can't be good to me, truly good to me, unless you respect me. Respecting me ties into not doing anything that is contrary to the terms of the relationship, whatever those might be. For me, I won't take you cheating on me. I won't take you lying to me about your feelings or whereabouts. I won't even take you pretending to be someone you're not. Be genuine and be good to me. Be funny. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at others. Don't be boring (which is to say, don't be closed-minded or a life-sucker).

Those are my expectations.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

Wellsy said:


> She can't have a bigger dick than me. That's the rule.


But baby, I can just tuck it in.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

ilphithra said:


> @_thismustbetheplace_
> 
> I know very well what you go through and I know from experience that unless you work on helping yourself, people will eventually move on. Human nature and all that and unless you find someone completely and utterly selfless, after a while people will move away because it becomes exhausting to deal with stuff like what you're going through.
> 
> ...


Well, just because I'm upset occasionally doesn't mean I'm upset all the time. But, it is a thing that happens some of the time. The rest of the time, I am a perfectly functioning human being. And honestly graduating college is stressful (especially in this clusterf*ck of an economy) and a lot of my friends are going through the same things too.

I do function quite well on my own. In fact my relationship is long-distance while I'm at college, and I have no friends at college, so I'm on my own most of the time. I can't depend on my parents for emotional support either -- my mom doesn't want to deal with it and even if my dad understood, he still likes to pretend problems don't exist. I also don't have any friends who major in what I major in (biology) so similarly, I don't have anyone to turn to academically. So I'm actually more independent and with less support than most people my age.

And I have dealt with a lot of my issues on my own. I got over the majority of my depression on my own, without any sort of therapy or medication. I also got over dissociation on my own (that one I HAD to get over on my own, since nobody else I knew had experienced it). With anxiety I do need a bit of help from people because the root of my anxiety is lack of self-confidence (instilled in me from a young age by my parents and finalized by my high school and college experiences) and the only way to get over lack of self-confidence is, well, for others to believe in you.

But I think overall I'm doing fine and my boyfriend shows no signs of leaving me (that would be hypocritical of him, since he has anxiety and lack of self-confidence too, as well as ADHD). Not everyone is perfect, and no man is an island.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

ilphithra said:


> I literally "lol-ed".
> 
> 
> Whoa there, lady... I had a gang of them landing on me and raping me just because of my sexual "tastes" when I was 16; but that didn't make me automatically hate every single Christian/Catholic. Actually, that would mean hating my whole family which, despite their views, I don't.
> ...


Three bad experiences with Catholics, no good ones. But the real kicker is: They all think I'm going to Hell. I don't care what excuses you want to make; I don't want to be with someone who thinks I'm going to Hell. Never did I say that all Catholics/Christians are rapists. Never did I say they are all bad people. You just made that assumption all on your own. Yes, I am angry because every Catholic man I have been close to has sexually abused me. I have every right to be angry. I also have a right to choose not to have sex with people. This isn't me being vindictive or hating all Catholics. I simply never want to have sex with one, ever again, and I certainly do not want to date someone who thinks I'm going to Hell.

I'm sorry if my choosing not to have sex with people who condemn me offends you.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

thismustbetheplace said:


> Well, just because I'm upset occasionally doesn't mean I'm upset all the time. But, it is a thing that happens some of the time. The rest of the time, I am a perfectly functioning human being. And honestly graduating college is stressful (especially in this clusterf*ck of an economy) and a lot of my friends are going through the same things too.


Ah, yes.. college... been there, graduated from it and lately been thinking of going back again and into Medicine of all things... yes, I'm nuts.



thismustbetheplace said:


> I do function quite well on my own. In fact my relationship is long-distance while I'm at college, and I have no friends at college, so I'm on my own most of the time. I can't depend on my parents for emotional support either -- my mom doesn't want to deal with it and even if my dad understood, he still likes to pretend problems don't exist. I also don't have any friends who major in what I major in (biology) so similarly, I don't have anyone to turn to academically. So I'm actually more independent and with less support than most people my age.
> 
> And I have dealt with a lot of my issues on my own. I got over the majority of my depression on my own, without any sort of therapy or medication. I also got over dissociation on my own (that one I HAD to get over on my own, since nobody else I knew had experienced it). With anxiety I do need a bit of help from people because the root of my anxiety is lack of self-confidence (instilled in me from a young age by my parents and finalized by my high school and college experiences) and the only way to get over lack of self-confidence is, well, for others to believe in you.


Let me just say that your family and your situation aren't much better than what I went through... indeed, more similarities than differences.

I've dealt with a lot of my stuff on my own as well. If I want to listen to psychobabble that makes want to either fall asleep or throw something at the person's face, I might as well grab one of those "self-help" books. At least that one I can burn or something when it irks me out. :dry:

Lack of self-confidence can be quite destructive and I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that instead of focusing on the bad, celebrate every little thing that is good about you and that you do "right". Celebrate and revel in the small things so that you can reach the big ones that are over there and waiting for you.



thismustbetheplace said:


> But I think overall I'm doing fine and my boyfriend shows no signs of leaving me (that would be hypocritical of him, since he has anxiety and lack of self-confidence too, as well as ADHD). Not everyone is perfect, and no man is an island.


If you actually found someone compatible and that will truly be there for you, that's great and I mean it. 
In the self-absorbed world of "me me me" out there nowadays, it's hard to find someone to stick with you when stuff hits the bottom of the pit. 
However, the opposite is also true, aka, "me me me" will glue to you because their toe hurts... if you know what I mean.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

devoid said:


> Three bad experiences with Catholics, no good ones. But the real kicker is: They all think I'm going to Hell. I don't care what excuses you want to make; I don't want to be with someone who thinks I'm going to Hell. Never did I say that all Catholics/Christians are rapists. Never did I say they are all bad people. You just made that assumption all on your own. Yes, I am angry because every Catholic man I have been close to has sexually abused me. I have every right to be angry. I also have a right to choose not to have sex with people. This isn't me being vindictive or hating all Catholics. I simply never want to have sex with one, ever again, and I certainly do not want to date someone who thinks I'm going to Hell.
> 
> I'm sorry if my choosing not to have sex with people who condemn me offends you.


You know... step away, go get some air, relax and then come back so that you read the part of my post that was for you, properly... because you're throwing words into my mouth that I didn't say and you're twisting my post in such major ways that is scary... but I'll point this out for you in nice big letters to see if you get the drift:

*I WAS GANG RAPED BY CATHOLICS BECAUSE I'M A LESBIAN!* However,* I DID NOT SAY THEY ARE ALL RAPISTS!* Got it now or need a drawing?

You didn't read my post properly and then land on me from behind your veil of anger. Cute. You're generalizing and then backpedal and say you're not... Cute. 
Your kicker is that they all think you're going to Hell... considering Hell is a figment of someone's imagination, you sure have a lot of hate for something that doesn't exist... 

Go chill out, honestly.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

ilphithra said:


> You know... step away, go get some air, relax and then come back so that you read the part of my post that was for you, properly... because you're throwing words into my mouth that I didn't say and you're twisting my post in such major ways that is scary... but I'll point this out for you in nice big letters to see if you get the drift:
> 
> *I WAS GANG RAPED BY CATHOLICS BECAUSE I'M A LESBIAN!*
> 
> ...


I got it the first time. Why do you think I care that you went through something similar? Is this supposed to imply you are therefore doing the more correct thing, or that for some reason I should take your advice? Perhaps you're the one who needs to calm down before attempting to have a rational conversation.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

devoid said:


> I got it the first time. Why do you think I care that you went through something similar? Is this supposed to imply you are therefore doing the more correct thing, or that for some reason I should take your advice? Perhaps you're the one who needs to calm down before attempting to have a rational conversation.




I have a name for people like you, who fail to see the point repeatedly... I'll keep it to myself. Please feel free to continue swimming in your sea of bitterness.

/waves


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Marisa said:


> But baby, I can just tuck it in.


NO! I'm insecure about my 2 inches hahahahaha


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

devoid said:


> Ever been raped by a Catholic? I have been multiple times by one, hurt by another, and molested by yet another. I don't even know that many fucking Catholics. So yeah, I get that I'm a "bigot" for making generalizations, but it's also my own goddamn choice who I trust and why. Between my own experiences and those of others I know, it's not that much a generalization as a valid concern.


I knew I detected some trauma. Well, genuinely sorry for your tragedy. I know it's hard to convey authenticity in text but I really am. I hope that you can one day find the resolve to put that behind you and see that not all Catholics are rapist assholes.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

devoid said:


> Ever been raped by a Catholic? I have been multiple times by one, hurt by another, and molested by yet another. I don't even know that many fucking Catholics. So yeah, I get that I'm a "bigot" for making generalizations, but it's also my own goddamn choice who I trust and why. Between my own experiences and those of others I know, it's not that much a generalization as a valid concern.



I don't think anyone cares who you want to date or not. That's your prerogative. What's annoying is that you're attributing a whole bunch of crap to Catholics and generalizing in a very prejudiced way. Surely, not all Catholics are closeted rapists, homophobes, Anti-Semites or what have you. And, just because it's in vogue to piss on religious folk doesn't mean your obviously prejudiced post won't catch flak for being what it is--bigoted. It's sufficient to say that you won't date X denomination because of negative experiences you've had with a few, which is truly regrettable, but you went beyond that and insinuated these generalized traits applied to Catholics, broadly speaking. That's bullshit. 

I have had just about my entire family wiped out due to religious conflict (with political roots as is the case, often), and I have escaped rape and dealt with other forms of abuse, again due to similar reasons, but I am objective enough not to negatively generalize about entire communities. So, I am no stranger to trauma and persecution. Once again, not wanting to fuck Catholics is not the issue here. It's your hasty generalization that is being addressed by more than one person. 


Mind you, I am an Atheist. I was raised in a secular atheist household. And, I still find your comment distasteful and irrational. 

_________________________

*
OP, here's my answer to your question:-*

1. No abuse- physical, emotional, psychological. Even threats of abuse are a deal breaker.

2. No infidelity. Cheating is a deal breaker.

3. No emotional instability. I do not tolerate excessive moodiness and unreasonable emotional demands. Stay calm, stable and rational around me. I make exceptions for extenuating circumstances, but I surely don't want an emotional/mental wreck on my hands. On that note, I am not totally averse to dating people with mental illness (in selected cases [Schizophrenia/Borderline Personality Disorder etc. are deal breakers), as long as they take responsibility for their treatment. I have been very supportive during my partner's Depression, and he has dealt with it proactively. 

4. Be fiscally responsible and don't spend beyond your means. Be goal-oriented and ambitious; and no, I am not talking about being filthy rich, seeing as I am not looking for a 'provider'. I am entirely self-sufficient, with plenty of resources to spare. I want someone with drive and focus. Be practical. Idealism is well and good, but I am not interested in supporting a starving artist. Self-sufficiency is absolutely crucial. I don't care if you're a high school music teacher or a CEO. Just be focused, hardworking and self-reliant. 

5. Dishonesty and passive aggression are a no-no.

6. Prejudice is an instant deal-breaker. Political compatibility is key. 

7. Having a sense of humour is a must. Having thick skin is just as important lol.

8. No dietary policing, whatsoever. Never try and dictate my food/food storage/restaurant selection choices. It's none of your bloody business. I eat what I eat. Take it or leave it. 

9. Solid integrity is something you need to have. This is non-negotiable. 

10. I want to have a biological child, and I will adopt one child. This is non-negotiable. 

11. No trust issues/jealousy issues. I have always had a healthy relationship with trust, and I expect that my partner have a healthy approach to trust. I respond very aggressively to "suspiciousness", and if you're the mistrustful type, things will get ugly and end badly. A negative mistrustful attitude is one of my biggest pet peeves. 

12. Accept me as I am. I will either accept you as you are or find another man. Return the courtesy.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

They're not really rules.

(a) I want my life to be an adventure and I want to share that with someone. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who's super-stable, or too security-minded or basically doesn't want to go on adventures with me.

(b) There's a minimum intelligence level. I don't know what it is but there is one - it's not super high. There's also a maximum, I think.

(c) Political and moral compatibility and a similar sense of manners.

(d) I think it's important to have broadly similar tastes in things. And interests, like literature I guess. 

(e) I don't want to have to talk about a problem more than once. Call that avoidant. I am fine with discussing it once and continuing the discussion until its solved, even if it takes all night, but I don't want to talk about it more than once.

(f) Good sense of humour and not overtly sensitive.


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## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

Marisa said:


> The people I've dated are nothing alike to one another. I wish I were kidding. Even if I were to type them right now, it'd be a clusterfuck.
> 
> But I have a few expectations for the people I date that are consistent. I expect you to be good to me. This ties into respecting me. You can't be good to me, truly good to me, unless you respect me. Respecting me ties into not doing anything that is contrary to the terms of the relationship, whatever those might be. For me, I won't take you cheating on me. I won't take you lying to me about your feelings or whereabouts. I won't even take you pretending to be someone you're not. Be genuine and be good to me. Be funny. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at others. Don't be boring (which is to say, don't be closed-minded or a life-sucker).
> 
> Those are my expectations.


Wow. I wrote like 25 points when my point was basically this. :tongue:


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

Boss said:


> I don't think anyone cares who you want to date or not. That's your prerogative. What's annoying is that you're attributing a whole bunch of crap to Catholics and generalizing in a very prejudiced way. Surely, not all Catholics are closeted rapists, homophobes, Anti-Semites or what have you. And, just because it's in vogue to piss on religious folk doesn't mean your obviously prejudiced post won't catch flak for being what it is--bigoted. It's sufficient to say that you won't date X denomination because of negative experiences you've had with a few, which is truly regrettable, but you went beyond that and insinuated these generalized traits applied to Catholics, broadly speaking. That's bullshit.
> 
> I have had just about my entire family wiped out due to religious conflict (with political roots as is the case, often), and I have escaped rape and dealt with other forms of abuse, again due to similar reasons, but I am objective enough not to negatively generalize about entire communities. So, I am no stranger to trauma and persecution. Once again, not wanting to fuck Catholics is not the issue here. It's your hasty generalization that is being addressed by more than one person.
> 
> ...


Do they have to follow all 11 rules before you do #12 and accept them as they are??


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

The terms and conditions of my affection and time are as follows:

1. *No Religion*. Whilst I think it's terribly important to be educated about religion, given the influence of religion on myriad human interactions, not limited to language, art, expression, literature, drama etc, this does not translate to "I believe religion should be followed". I don't. I don't want to live in a religious household, I don't want to ever raise a child in a religion. So if you believe that your faith is the 'one true path', it is best you give me a miss and vice-versa.

2. *No Malice*. Malicious and prejudicial people are vile. I do not wish to date a vile person. This is not to say that "a person with prejudices is vile", because all human beings have prejudices. What makes a person 'prejudicial' in my books is the inability to look beyond your prejudices at the situation/individual that is presenting itself before you. Malice is a non-starter really.

3. *No Violence in Anger*. I just find people who resort to violence when angry to be distasteful. I'd not be amused if I saw my partner resorting to violence in anger. Again, I don't think people who use violence in self-preservation to be distasteful, nor people who use consensual violence (be they boxers, or practitioners of S&M etc.) to be distasteful. Just violence in anger. It's immature and I have never fully understood what it is designed to achieve.

4. *No Gormlessness*. People who are gormless are never going to be able to stimulate or interest me enough to want a date. Have an opinion, have a reason for that opinion and we'll get on just fine.

5. *No Hypocrisy*. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. If my partner has issues with my behaviour or lifestyle which are mirrored in their own, I will not be amused. I do not need a parochial caretaker, I look for a partner.

6. *No Jealousy*. By this I mean unreasonable jealousy. I have more female friends than I do male, and I have a track record of never having cheated on any of my SOs. Therefore, if you accuse me of being in love with my friends, or of suspected cheating, I will be deeply unamused. Admittedly, this doesn't cause much problem when I date women who have more male friends than female themselves. However, it has caused me plenty of issues before. If you ask me to choose between you or my friends, don't be surprised when I pick my friends; they were there first.

7. *No Judging the Past*. I have an history. You have an history. Guess what... everyone has history. I won't judge you on it. Don't judge me on mine. I couldn't care less what, who, or how many whos you were doing before you met me. Just return me the courtesy. Obviously, if you have an history of abusing people, and still abuse people, that's not the past, that's the present, and so I'll give you a very wide berth.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

puer_aeternus said:


> Do they have to follow all 11 rules before you do #12 and accept them as they are??


Yes :laughing:
It's not that hard! They're pretty fuckin reasonable


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## Nessie (Jan 6, 2012)

ilphithra said:


> You know... step away, go get some air, relax and then come back so that you read the part of my post that was for you, properly... because *you're throwing words into my mouth that I didn't say *and you're *twisting my post in such major ways that is scary*... but I'll point this out for you in nice big letters to see if you get the drift:
> 
> *I WAS GANG RAPED BY CATHOLICS BECAUSE I'M A LESBIAN!* However,* I DID NOT SAY THEY ARE ALL RAPISTS!* Got it now or need a drawing?


As a reader Im confused, because in this post you are indicating, that someone else said all Catholics are rapists. But *WHO*? 
@devoid didnt here, am I missing something from somewhere else?!?! 
Citation urgently needed, otherwise it just looks someone is getting hard time *just for having bad experience*, and not wanting to give her feelings and body to guy reminding that events:frustrating:. Dating and sex are supposed to be *voluntary activities...

*This is your first post directed to Devoid:



ilphithra said:


> Whoa there, lady... I had a gang of them landing on me and* raping me *just because of my sexual "tastes" when I was 16; but that didn't make me automatically hate every single Christian/Catholic. Actually, that would mean hating my whole family which, despite their views, I don't.
> 
> *Throwing everyone into the same bag and tar them with the same paint is a bit OTT. There's good and bad everywhere *and I've met complete morons and ultra-homophobes that weren't even Catholic/Christian so take a few moments before throwing everyone down the pit.


Dont want to date Catholic, and have experience being raped by Catholic, *ISNT equivalent *of throwing every Catholic into the same (rapist) bag.

Well....I have very extreme experience (bad one) with person diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder later on. My dating preference is to avoid guys with BPD, because we will be match made in hell. Such intolerant biased bigot I am......


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

Well I don't like to get in strange women's cars. Even if they pull up with a drop top where I could easily escape and jump out, even if we were going say, 95 mph on a freeway surrounded by other cars.

In this instance I could simply jump into another drop top that was on the freeway next to us, if she was trying to take advantage of me.

That's always the problem with dating, is strange women in drop tops pulling up and then pulling down once you let them.

It's just an utterly ridiculous endeavor, dating is.


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

Boss said:


> Yes :laughing:
> It's not that hard! They're pretty fuckin reasonable


Well then I guess all SPs are off the table lmao


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

Dating rules (by series0):

1. Genuine interest is a commitment to and from both parties in the relationship. If you cannot maintain that frame of reference with diligence, we will not work out.

2. Joi de vivre even if you get depressed is required. Get moving, get excited, get an opinion, participate and love it.

3. After we chat 2-3 times online or over the phone, we must meet in person or we are done. Over the counter romance is a bitch thing. Although I am in touch with my inner bitch, I don't let her push me to that preference. Touch required.

4. If I put up the effort to get us together the first 5 times, if you don't do the 6th you will never hear from me again.

5. Relationship communication is not optional. If I put an issue on the table, it must be discussed, and soon. I absolutely will return the favor.

6. If you do not leave message or ask for a return call in a message, then I may not call you back and that is just fine. If you want me to call you, or communicate some other way, then have the tits to actually say it. Using any particular medium does not usually mean that I will return your messages using that medium unless you ask me to specifically. I will use any and every means at my disposal at my whim.

7. Dogmatic zealots of any particular faith are welcome only if they can accept and respect my spiritual position and they are not planning on conversion as a down the road stipulation of us staying together. I will return that favor. Discussing spiritual matters is probably a must so if you cannot discuss it, best we avoid a relationship.

8. If we become intimate in conversation, this does not mean we are exclusive until that agreement is formally declared by both parties. if you assume I am exclusive before that happens, you are being rude and you are probably wrong.

9. If and when we become exclusive, if you cheat we are over. Exclusivity includes communication about all relationship level interactions with others. This means full disclosure of your current status with respect to partners, sexually and emotionally. If you communicate with ex-boyfriends (or girlfriends I suppose) you should tell me. I will damn sure tell you to be clear.

10. Privacy is respected. If I leave my e-mail open and you read it (or others) there will be fallout from that. I do not want to have to lock my world down from those I should be able to trust. I have never invaded a partners privacy in my life. This does not free you from your responsibility to communicate with me about your potentially misunderstood interactions with other people.

11. The great outdoors is GREAT. I will be there a lot and I want you with me. 

12. When in doubt the default is I want you with me and I want you to want me with you.

13. I demand and respect demands for alone time. If it gets much more than 10% of your otherwise free time, that is too much.

14. I will not 'keep score' but if it becomes blatantly obvious you are not putting similar resources in effort and time and money and emotional investment into us then eventually that lack of balance will rankle me and I will probably end the relationship. This issue is probably 75% of why my past relationships failed.

15. It you and me vs the world. We are a team. Please show up for practice. Do not support others against your team without a damn good reason. Make things easy on your teammate (me) and I will do the same.


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

Nessie said:


> Well....I have very extreme experience (bad one) with person diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder later on. My dating preference is to avoid guys with BPD, because we will be match made in hell. Such intolerant biased bigot I am......


Well it's probably just a bad example on your part but being a Catholic and having BPD are two totally different things :frustrating:

The latter actually has a direct effect on your personality with the former not as much


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

Le sigh... 



Nessie said:


> As a reader Im confused, because in this post you are indicating, that someone else said all Catholics are rapists. But *WHO*?


Let's go back, shall we? Devoid said this: 



devoid said:


> Ever been raped by a Catholic? I have been multiple times by one, hurt by another, and molested by yet another. I don't even know that many fucking Catholics. So yeah, I get that I'm a "bigot" for making generalizations, but it's also my own goddamn choice who I trust and why. Between my own experiences and those of others I know, it's not that much a generalization as a valid concern.


Then I told her:



ilphithra said:


> Whoa there, lady... I had a gang of them landing on me and raping me just because of my sexual "tastes" when I was 16; but that didn't make me automatically hate every single Christian/Catholic. Actually, that would mean hating my whole family which, despite their views, I don't.
> 
> Throwing everyone into the same bag and tar them with the same paint is a bit OTT. There's good and bad everywhere and I've met complete morons and ultra-homophobes that weren't even Catholic/Christian so take a few moments before throwing everyone down the pit.


And then, she said this:



devoid said:


> Three bad experiences with Catholics, no good ones. But the real kicker is: They all think I'm going to Hell. I don't care what excuses you want to make; I don't want to be with someone who thinks I'm going to Hell. Never did I say that all Catholics/Christians are rapists. Never did I say they are all bad people. You just made that assumption all on your own. Yes, I am angry because every Catholic man I have been close to has sexually abused me. I have every right to be angry. I also have a right to choose not to have sex with people. This isn't me being vindictive or hating all Catholics. I simply never want to have sex with one, ever again, and I certainly do not want to date someone who thinks I'm going to Hell.
> 
> I'm sorry if my choosing not to have sex with people who condemn me offends you.


So, *she assumed* that I said that she thinks all catholics/christians are rapists. That's not what I said; what I said is that not all of them are bad people. And that was my whole point which *she and you MISSED!* Read my post again and tell me where did I say all of them are rapists.

After she threw that at me, I posted this. Why doesn't it look like what you're quoting? Because I hit submit instead of preview and in the time I took to add what I wanted to add, I was being quoted already.



ilphithra said:


> You know... step away, go get some air, relax and then come back so that you read the part of my post that was for you, properly... because you're throwing words into my mouth that I didn't say and you're twisting my post in such major ways that is scary... but I'll point this out for you in nice big letters to see if you get the drift:
> 
> *I WAS GANG RAPED BY CATHOLICS BECAUSE I'M A LESBIAN!* However,* I DID NOT SAY THEY ARE ALL RAPISTS!* Got it now or need a drawing?
> 
> ...


So, my whole point was: 

1 - Not all Christians/Catholics are bad and I don't hate or avoid getting along with them despite what a handful of them did to me.
2 - That she's hating on something that doesn't even exist (Hell).

And both of you missed my point. Be proud.


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## Killbain (Jan 5, 2012)

Must have a pulse
Must not have testicles


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

@ilphithra

The hell are you smoking? I said that I personally do not think all Catholics are rapists (as a response to you and others suggesting that I was applying my statement to ALL Catholics). All I've done is speak for myself.


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## clairdelunatic (Mar 20, 2013)

Killbain said:


> Must have a pulse
> Must not have testicles


lol Way to aim high. Hehe


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

Must be an all knowing, gentle flying dragon.

Must not nag.

Must not nag under the guise of "helping me".

Must not even want to_ help_ me or ''nurture'' me, vomit.

Must not use too many words to express useless information.

Must be obsessed with Q tips.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

devoid said:


> @_ilphithra_
> 
> The hell are you smoking? I said that I personally do not think all Catholics are rapists (as a response to you and others suggesting that I was applying my statement to ALL Catholics). All I've done is speak for myself.


Urgh... honestly... work on your reading comprehension... and please take this to pm's if you want to continue because we derailed the thread enough as it is.


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## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

My rules:

1) I will NEVER date a taken person. I don't help myself to people in relationships already.

2) No cheaters. If I can't trust you, you are not worth my time. I refuse to go through the angst of going through computers, voicemail and text logs to see if you are faithful. I will leave first.

3) Must be intelligent. I don't date people just for looks, but because they have a mind. Hey, we all age and change, and I want to still be attracted in you when we are both old and gray. Brains turn me on!

4) If we are sleeping together, you and I are not sleeping with anyone else. I tried open relationships in the past, and did not find them to my liking. Do yourself a favor and don't ask. 

5) Similar levels of religion. I won't date someone who is all wrapped up in it, and wants me to be also, or questions my beliefs, and wants me to change mine. I don't care what your religion is, but if you press your beliefs onto me, you will be shown the door. 

6) Must treat others kindly, not be a bigot or a basher of anyone. I refuse to associate with people who are full of hate and fear.

7) No drug addicts, or heavy drinkers. I am a light drinker and wine collector, I don't do 'drunk'.

8) Must have a good sense of humor, be a nerd and love to read. 

9) Must be sexually open and adventurous. Willing to try new things.

10) Tattoed or pierced people.(I find them sexy, and a great turn on). I would consider dating a person with neither, but they have to be an open person, plus tattoo and piercing positive. No comments about regretting tattoos, or putting down people with them. I don't regret mine, and I never will.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

killerB said:


> My rules:
> 
> 1) I will NEVER date a taken person. I don't help myself to people in relationships already.
> 
> ...


Nr 1 is true for us both and puts us both pretty much out of each other's boundaries... damn, lol. :laughing:

And then the whole list is very similar to what I... hey! Get off my head, you fiend!


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## quixoticcrush (Mar 15, 2013)

No cheaters
No racism, sexism, homophobia, or bigotry of any kind
No religious fanaticism
No cruelty to people or animals
No chewin' tobaccer (ewww)
Must have good personal hygiene
Must love music
Must tolerate my fangirlish tendencies
Must be open-minded
Must have at least some kind of higher education experience
Must love curves :kitteh:
 
I generally become suspicious of guys who are too sweet. I like people who can keep it real but in a funny way. I don't like PDAs either. There's a time and place for lovin.


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## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

ilphithra said:


> Nr 1 is true for us both and puts us both pretty much out of each other's boundaries... damn, lol. :laughing:
> 
> And then the whole list is very similar to what I... hey! Get off my head, you fiend!


LOL!!!!!

Well, I guess we'll have to be just friends then.:wink:


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

OMG WTF BRO said:


> Must not use too many words to express useless information.


Damn! We were right for each other until this one ...


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

I'm not sure I want "rules", just yet anyway... i think i'd miss out on some nice potential partners if i have strict rules especially at this age.
so:

-preferably they love icecream - even on cold days.
-doesn't try and "father" me too much.
-doesn't except me to love everything they love/hate everything they hate.
-keeps disagreements _between us_ or at least doesn't tell family/friends.
-likes to dance
-likes new experiences
-has a "sure, why not?" attitude.
-likes long walks on the beach and romantic candle lit dinners on mars.
-likes to build forts in the living room out of bed sheets :kitteh:


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

puer_aeternus said:


> I'm sure there are some "rules" you guys like to keep when it comes to dating/relationships. Rules that you personally adhere to even if you don't readily catch yourself following them.
> *Examples?
> *
> A lot of women I talk to say they will break up with a guy right away the moment they raise a hand against them. Threat of physical violence, zero tolerance.
> ...


1) complete honesty about what you're looking for (a relationship, quick sex, friends with benefits etc)
2) *condoms are a must*
3) no EFJs (though IFJs are fine once in a blue moon) and _definitely_ no TPs
4) no Sx last 
5) no using sex to blackmail
6) if I can't suck your dick, no deal. 
7) no painful activities during sex (at least, not to me. if you insist on me inflicting pain on you, I'm willing to compromise a bit, but don't expect me to go very far. it's not my thing)


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> 6) if I can't suck your dick, no deal.


Watch out, dude, that selfless generosity might alienate people. =P


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

puer_aeternus said:


> Well then I guess all SPs are off the table lmao


rofl No. I've dated an ESTP in the past, and it was awesome.


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## Shabby (Feb 14, 2013)

More and more I have realized that certain rules are futile and it always depends on the person you are interested in and how badly you want to be with them. This has forced me to reanalyze my stances on rules I had before. 

These days I focus on what's truly important for me to see/experience in another human being rather than just a preference. So... here goes: 

1. Polyamorous relationships are a must. Not so that I/my partner can go around sleeping with everyone but so that if anyone wants to sleep with someone else, the conversation is open and not one where I or my partner ever feels the need to lie or repress emotions/thoughts about such matters. 

2. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. 

3. No racist, colonialist, imperialist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or bigoted rhetoric in any shape or form. 

4. Partner HAS to like and be kind to animals. If they don't/aren't - I'm out. 

5. If they aren't somewhat sexually explorative it also won't work as I love experimenting, trying new things, and am not willing to compromise to the point where I am uninterested and am sexually bored (which would ultimately lead to the death of our relationship anyways). 

6. Kindness is also a must. This can be demonstrated in the smallest of things, but it is nevertheless a must.


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## Animal (May 29, 2012)

1) Both of us want to communicate, and do our best to do so.
2) If we enjoy having sex, it's romance. If we don't, it's friendship. What I'm saying is, I cannot be in a relationship without sex.

I have no other rules, and if I ever did, I broke them.


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

1. Communication is key. If you don't talk to me about it, the problem is considered non-existent. If you can't communicate your problems/expectations of me, it won't work.

2. Cheating has a zero-tolerance policy. 

3. If she has a strong emotional reaction to a debate, she's a no-go.

4. If she's related to a good friend, she's a no-go. 

5. If she falls too far on either extreme of the feminism spectrum, she's a no-go (side one being the belief that women are a man's servants and therefore meant to stay at home and be dominated) (side two being that men should not be allowed to do x,y, and z because they all are pigs).


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## Hal Jordan Prime (Dec 13, 2012)

OrangeAppled said:


> Oh right... then we may actually NOT put up with abuse and expect crazy stuff like basic human rights. Definitely keep us in our place!


Why is it always extremes with you gals?? 

Just sayin constantly showering girls (not just girls, guys too) with affection, compliments and gifts is bound to spoil them and give them skewed view of reality

Moderation is always key


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## frenchie (Jul 7, 2011)

My dating criteria matches that of my marriage criteria. 

1. Cannot have more sexual partners than me ( best part is, only 1 came dangerously close).
2. Has to be willing to take my last name (also non-negotiable). 
3. Good cook (This is a flexible one, but the women i've been into have always been good cooks).
4. Has some direction in what she wants and who she wants. 
5. And an opinion of her own. 

1 and 2 are non-negotiable. Thankfully for 1, only one girl came close enough to being able to violate that rule. 2 because I like my last name and I think hyphenated last names are stupid. You don't like these rules? Then you can find another herb to sleep with and provide for you.


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## mooray (Nov 22, 2011)

No rules, all circumstantial


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