# High Sex Drive vs Low Sex Drive



## Essay (Oct 13, 2009)

I went through an unfortunate situation in my previous relationship where we both had high sex drives for about two years, and then I was put on medication for bipolar II, causing my drive to plummet while her's stayed high. With it, my overall "touchfulness" took a hit as well, which put some serious strains on the relationship as a whole. Her self esteem initially was shaken, and there was definate frustration which I did my best to alleviate by staying playful and keeping the lines of conversation open, but really it was the beginning of a year-long wind-down (complimented by the two of us moving to different continents) back into a close-friendship that we still enjoy today.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Essay said:


> I went through an unfortunate situation in my previous relationship where we both had high sex drives for about two years, and then I was put on medication for bipolar II, causing my drive to plummet while her's stayed high. With it, my overall "touchfulness" took a hit as well, which put some serious strains on the relationship as a whole. Her self esteem initially was shaken, and there was definate frustration which I did my best to alleviate by staying playful and keeping the lines of conversation open, but really it was the beginning of a year-long wind-down (complimented by the two of us moving to different continents) back into a close-friendship that we still enjoy today.


Thanks for sharing that. I was wondering when a post like this was going to surface! That's awesome you guys are still friends... sorry it didn't work out though.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Essay said:


> I went through an unfortunate situation in my previous relationship where we both had high sex drives for about two years, and then I was put on medication for bipolar II, causing my drive to plummet while her's stayed high. With it, my overall "touchfulness" took a hit as well, which put some serious strains on the relationship as a whole. Her self esteem initially was shaken, and there was definate frustration which I did my best to alleviate by staying playful and keeping the lines of conversation open, but really it was the beginning of a year-long wind-down (complimented by the two of us moving to different continents) back into a close-friendship that we still enjoy today.


Thanks for sharing that. I was wondering when a post like this was going to surface! That's awesome you guys are still friends... sorry it didn't work out though. May I ask who ended it?


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## Alchemical Romance (Nov 26, 2009)

Well, i variate on this topic...for example i have periods when I have a very high sex drive...even 3 times a day every day for a month or so...but then require a cool down period...something like only once every 2 days or something. It's all about the mood i'm in and of course the mood of my partner, if she's not in the mood for it, i loose my appetite.


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## Essay (Oct 13, 2009)

avalanche183 said:


> May I ask who ended it?


That would be her. As good an ending as you can ask for to boot. :blushed:


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

Selden said:


> I'm sure it depends on the couple. If they're both willing to make the relationship the best it can be, than probably so. But if they're petty than that issue might be a problem. Like if the person with the low sex drive just blames the other sexually for their lack of pleasure/desire and withholds sex to manipulate them. Or likewise, if the person with the high sex drive tries to bully the other into having sex. I think that a lot of times when people complain about their sex (or love) life, it usually has to do more with them than the person they're blaming.


Yeah, well what I meant by work out I guess. People usually determine if its a "good" choice to be together or not. Like I think about after the 3 month period, well maybe about six months you really start to kind of.. how do I say this.. Get past the sappy state of love? And take of the beer goggles, or love goggles if you will. And see your partner for who she or he is. I really don't think I would be willing to stay with someone who wasn't interested in sex, or exploring it. But its not like I'm going to get mad after the first week of being with someone, and they aren't putting out. As I stated before I want to love the person A LOT, and be committed. =]


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## Sweetish (Dec 17, 2009)

I'm a low sex drive person, which for me means 4-6 times a month. My husband has a very high sex drive- even if he's not doing it, he's thinking about it or hunting for porn or fetish pics or finding ways to please himself.

For one thing, oral contraceptives can kill libido. It took 3 years for my libido to recover from REALLY low back to it's regular low after I stopped taking them. Now we're on calendar method / condoms because I won't ever take the b.c. pill again for that reason.

For another thing, I've had to live on a restricted diet the past 10 years or else I get very sick and at times I deal with chronic fatigue- not states that put one into a sensual mood, as they really sap away at my energy. Being healthy- eating right, being physically active, sleeping well, are also very important for a low sex drive person to increase libido. When I eat foods that improve my morale and just make me feel healthy, I am more open to sex. For example, curry does wonders for my well-being. If I eat that regularly then I am in a better mood and will initiate intimacy more often.

When he wants to use touch to initiate intimacy, it never works when we are laying in bed but I haven't slept well or gotten enough sleep yet (it will actually annoy me). Our sleep schedules and rest levels have to be in sync for him to get the right reaction from me. If I am stressed out, it's best for him to offer a body massage -not deep tissue, instead very light finger and hand strokes and it helps if a ceiling fan is on overhead- and play some music in the background. Afterward, I'll feel better, go get a bite to eat, come back and his efforts will soon be rewarded.

On top of all that, my husband has a wide range of self-admitted fetishes, so compared to him I'm vanilla and he's an outright perv.

There are times when I am in the mood, hormonally, but he is not in the mood to be bothered because he's focused on something else, so I get very frustrated. If I've gone out of my way to be the touch invoking person, but he is not responding, I lose interest because now I'm pissed off... I'll especially be pissed off if I've wanted to do something, but he the sex fiend wants me to leave the room so that he can have some private time. WTF?! So yeah... he will bitch and moan about me never wanting to have sex, yet he doesn't give a damn when I'm in the mood.

I don't recommend this situation to anyone.

Still, if you want to encourage a low sex drive person, ask what you can do to help them relax or to make them anticipate intimate time throughout the day, and ask them what their turn-ons and fetishes are. Some times people like spontaneity but have to be sending the right signals to their partner for when they're in the mood. Simple acts of consideration like doing the chores that normally tire out your low sex drive partner, or making them their favorite food (but keep the meal light so they don't have to use too much energy digesting it) will pay off. Full body massages, or foot massages, or back massages, increase sensitivity while increasing blood flow which is a good pre-cursor to further intimacy.

If they are dealing with some stress, find out what you can do to lessen that psychological, emotional or physical burden. Do what you can to encourage a healthy dopamine level (the reward chemical) in your partner. Do they really love chocolate? Do they need to unwind at the end of a long day with some laughter and maybe a little bit of alcohol? Get them exactly what they're in the mood for... My husband has a tickling fetish, and the release of the laughter itself dissipates tension enough to get me toward being in the mood, so that can work well for both of us depending upon what approach he uses. I will also be more open to sexual advances if I've watched what I call vanilla porn- basically, something as innocent as a TV show where two characters have a strong, latent, unfulfilled sexual energy between them. That gets my mind going to the right places. Some people will benefit from indulging their imaginations to take something innocent beyond the next level and can then project that energy onto their own intimate relationship.

I can remember watching "A Beautiful Mind" and when my husband saw the scene where Nash rejects his wife's advances because he's on medication, he said outright, Damn, that's when I'd rather shoot myself in the head than be on anti-depressants, can't even enjoy sex anymore. My husband knows how it feels, too- he had to go off his meds because quite frankly he was more depressed having no sexual drive.


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

If the relationship has staying power/ worth fighting for, I'm pretty sure I/we could make it work anyway. I did once or twice. But having similar sex drives definitely makes it easier, one less thing to deal with and one more thing to have in common. 

I don't know, but I find it a bit embarrassing when the drives don't match. A bit awkward? And it's not something you can really discuss about, even when the lower drive tries to keep up, it just doesn't feel natural.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

It may be that people with high sex drive actually just need more intimacy and contact, not sex in particular


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I would jack off, but I have a low sec drive.


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## Tal (Oct 19, 2009)

ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc


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## Tal (Oct 19, 2009)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> I would jack off, but I have a low sec drive.


Is a low sec drive like premature ejaculation, so when you do want to jack off it's like, 'whoops, to late'?

Or did you hit the c instead of the x by mistake?


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

I wouldn't be in a such a relationship. High sex drive is a prerequisite for a relationship.


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