# I've been watching an ESFP + INFP relationship



## notinuseanymore (Sep 21, 2013)

The INFP is my best friend and she's been seeing an ESFP for about 17 months. They're both women so its a lesbian relationship.

The ESFP is extremely outgoing, very touchy-feely, and is hardly ever seen without some kind of 'gang' and a drink in her hand. My INFP friend is more reserved, deeply sensitive and prefers one-on-one time. Because of this, they clash A LOT. Almost every weekend the ESFP goes out partying and the INFP stays home feeling jealous and upset. A typical argument between them involves my friend being passive-aggressive and ignoring her for as long as she can, while the ESFP chases her and charms her with compliments and gifts. The INFP will finally forgive her and then the love/hate cycle continues.

I suppose I'm bringing this up because ever since she's been in this relationship, I've felt estranged from her. I'm also an INFP and I understand her very well. She wants to act like everything is fine but I see through it all. I have no time for her girlfriend because to me she's a shallow, immature loud-mouth who gets high all the time. I honestly feel like my friend is being trampled in this relationship.

Just wondering if this relationship is typical of these two types? And where is it likely to go?


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## Buran (Nov 2, 2014)

In Socionics, the relationship between an ESFP (SEE) and an INFP (EII) is a "supervision" relationship, in which one partner (the "supervisor", in this case the ESFP) is in a more powerful position due to the way their functions line up with those of the "supervisee" (the INFP). Because Fi is the INFP's dominant function, but the ESFP's auxiliary, the ESFP is able to see the value of Fi and communicate with it, but doesn't appreciate it as much as the INFP does. This leads to the problems you've described. Here are some links to the Socionics pages I got this from:

Supervision - Wikisocion
Sensing Ethical Extratim - Wikisocion
Ethical Intuitive Introtim - Wikisocion

Note that Socionics INFj = Myers-Briggs INFP.


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## notinuseanymore (Sep 21, 2013)

Hmm, I'd actually say Relations of Semi-Duality describe their relationship best.......


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

<.< maybe they like angry sex?


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## Wolfskralle (Nov 29, 2013)

katieoddsocks said:


> Hmm, I'd actually say Relations of Semi-Duality describe their relationship best.......


Yeah, it sounds more like semi-duality, than supervision. Your INFP friend is probably an INFp is Socionics... MBTI and Socionics overlap on different levels; it's not like INFP = INFj no matter what; especially if your friend tested as an INFP on dichotomy, not cognitive functions test. Then it is even more likely that she is an INFp not INFj. I dunno how you get her type though. Maybe check if you have identical (INFp - INFp) or quasi-identical (INFj - INFp) relation with her.


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## KraChZiMan (Mar 23, 2013)

katieoddsocks said:


> The INFP is my best friend and she's been seeing an ESFP for about 17 months. They're both women so its a lesbian relationship.
> 
> The ESFP is extremely outgoing, very touchy-feely, and is hardly ever seen without some kind of 'gang' and a drink in her hand. My INFP friend is more reserved, deeply sensitive and prefers one-on-one time. Because of this, they clash A LOT. Almost every weekend the ESFP goes out partying and the INFP stays home feeling jealous and upset. A typical argument between them involves my friend being passive-aggressive and ignoring her for as long as she can, while the ESFP chases her and charms her with compliments and gifts. The INFP will finally forgive her and then the love/hate cycle continues.
> 
> ...


I've actually begun to understand the ESFP side of all this.

She's probably used to a certain lifestyle, which is part of her life, and then suddenly a wild INFP jumps along and wants her to change and become a stay-at-home 50's wife kind of type. Trying to change somebody is bad, so natural reaction of ESFP is to assume that the INFP doesn't like her for who she is.

And besides, if they are so incompatible, why should they even try to be together? This is not such a good idea, perhaps, since they both seem to suffer from this.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

KraChZiMan said:


> lolwut, lesbians having angry sex? :tongue:


o.o yeah why not? >.> 2 way dildo...or something..idk how lesbian mechanics work..


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## notinuseanymore (Sep 21, 2013)

KraChZiMan said:


> I've actually begun to understand the ESFP side of all this.
> 
> She's probably used to a certain lifestyle, which is part of her life, and then suddenly a wild INFP jumps along and wants her to change and become a stay-at-home 50's wife kind of type. Trying to change somebody is bad, so natural reaction of ESFP is to assume that the INFP doesn't like her for who she is.
> 
> ...


I think they probably try to be together because they genuinely do love each other. I also think the ESFP enjoys that she can go off and party with friends one day and then have a more reserved cuddly kind of day with INFP. The INFP likes that ESFP makes her feel good about herself and lets her open up with judging. That would be all well and good but the constant arguing is horrible to watch as a best friend. INFP never seems to relax any more. She's constantly on edge, and always feels inferior to her girlfriend. Last Valentine's Day she was in bits because ESFP wanted to have a big group party rather than a romantic night. They ended up getting drunk and started fighting and all her friends got involved. That's probably why she never goes out with her anymore.


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## Zee Bee (Aug 19, 2014)

katieoddsocks said:


> The INFP is my best friend and she's been seeing an ESFP for about 17 months. They're both women so its a lesbian relationship.
> Just wondering if this relationship is typical of these two types? And where is it likely to go?


Voyagourism of 17 months on lesbians - can't relate


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