# ESFPs and INFJs?



## laurey996 (Apr 25, 2012)

What do people think about ESFPs and INFJs? 
Is there anyone out there with experience in how these two types would get along, either as friends or more? 
What about how the functions would interact with eachother? How would the INFJs Introverted Intuition respond to the ESFPs Extraverted Sensing?

I'm asking so many questions :frustrating:
But the reason I ask is because there's an ESFP who I really like, and I'm wondering if it would ever work out or if we'd just end up getting on eachothers nerves because our types are just so different, with almost completely different functions! I want to get to know him better, and I'm wondering how...


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## Annacy33 (Feb 25, 2012)

I don't see why ESFPs and INFJs couldn't get along. 

Of course, this would require maturity to some extent in both parties, otherwise I imagine the ESFP's Se would drive our Ni up the wall. From what I've heard and seen from their forums, they seem (and claim) to be "natural flirts", whereas the INFJs have a natural affinity to become guarded towards this kind of open affection, especially directed those they are not particularly close to. Hence the need for both sides' shadow functions to develop somewhat, and mature, before the two can come to mutual understanding and compromise. 

I'm no genius on functions myself, so I'm going to leave this here and let somewhat with better knowledge of the functions to take over and answer your question...

Really, there isn't any formula one follows when it comes to relationships and MBTI, because we are all individuals dry, and MBTI is merely a loose kind of guide to one's character; how one processes information etc.

I'd also recommend going over to check out the ESFP's forums, I've seen threads on topics of the like...sometime ago...

From what I remember, they generally like it if people appreciate them and their sense of humour. Personally, I wouldn't be so willing to laugh at ridiculous or tasteless jokes, because my "sense of humour" somewhat tends to lean towards sarcasm.  But there you go. Again, it's all about the individual, and I can't speak for all ESFPs.

I think you should get to know this person more, even if, ultimately, all that happens between the two of you is friendship, there is no bad in that. However, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope my silly ramblings helped you some.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

laurey996 said:


> What do people think about ESFPs and INFJs?


INFJs and ESFPs are in realtions of Semi-duality. It is a common attractive relationship type. There is functional break-down explanation there in one of the links.



> Is there anyone out there with experience in how these two types would get along, either as friends or more?
> What about how the functions would interact with eachother? How would the INFJs Introverted Intuition respond to the ESFPs Extraverted Sensing?


There is usually a pull towards each other on basis of your leading and inferior functions being same, but it often ends up being moth-to-flame dynamic as is described in that article because auxiliary and tertiary functions don't match.

If you want to see more intertype matches see this relationship chart. Just keep in mind that Ni leading Fe auxiliary type that is INFJ in MBTI becomes INFp or IEI in socionics (and for all introverted types the j/p letters switch, while extraverted types stay same).



> But the reason I ask is because there's an ESFP who I really like, and I'm wondering if it would ever work out or if we'd just end up getting on eachothers nerves because our types are just so different, with almost completely different functions! I want to get to know him better, and I'm wondering how...


Not completely different. You'll see the world in similar manner because you share Ni and Se but come to different methods and conclusions on what needs to be done because you don't share judging functions. This is where there can be some conflict.


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## CoopV (Nov 6, 2011)

I have a friend that's an ESFP. In a superficial relationship she's fun. Deeper than that we don't click. It's like her IQ is tiny she can't comprehend anything I say that's too deep for her. Her Se makes her crazy to me. My N drives her nuts. I guess my J drives her nuts too lol. She calls me paranoid and reading too deep into things and being closed off from people I don't know. She calls me quiet. Ahaha it's hilarious. And I look at her and think damnit woman can you fucking slow down?! Because she talks so fast and jumps from one topic to the next that she'll ask me 3 questions successively really fast and by the time I give her the answer to the first she thinks it's the answer to the 3rd and doesn't understand. She has ADD and does drugs while I'm not the addictive type at allll. And I don't touch drugs. 

Her and her friends are heavy sensors while I consider myself a caring intellectual. I'm down to have fun like her though but it's hard to always keep up with her. Oh and she considers so many people boring. Which really means she's probably too crazy lol. We still don't get each other. I read into things she says and she communicates horribly. So I end up trying to figure out what she "really" meant and she then thinks I read into things too much when in reality it's because she sucks at communicating. 

So yea... if we're just having fun she's fun. To go deeper than that it doesn't work.


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## Swiftstar (Dec 29, 2010)

I have a good friend who's ESFP whose Se drives me nuts sometimes since I'm not really accustomed to it, seeing as how it's my least developed function. However, I wouldn't say that ESFPs are incapable of going 'deeper' in the usual kind of abstract thinking N's are typically known for. It's simply not as high up on the order of their cognitive functions. That being said, we've both engaged in meaningful conversations and had lots of fun times as well. Usually it works out since I help her on problems she's having with my insights and she draws me out of my shell. I'm used to spending time alone cooped up in my room and she absolutely can't stand it.

So as long as you two get along well, I see no problem between INFJs and ESFPs as long as you don't expect something unrealistic out of each other. Though I'd say the latter holds true for any kind of relationship between people, regardless of cognitive functions and what not.


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

my sister is INFJ and I think she's pretty cool. She can be rather serious. I think she thinks I'm sometimes too childlike and playful for my own good. I feel like we should have switched birth order (I'm the eldest and she's the baby of the family..).


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

laurey996 said:


> What do people think about ESFPs and INFJs?
> Is there anyone out there with experience in how these two types would get along, either as friends or more?
> What about how the functions would interact with eachother? How would the INFJs Introverted Intuition respond to the ESFPs Extraverted Sensing?
> 
> ...


Get to know him better by approaching him and talking to him like a regular human being, because that's what you both are. Any type combination can work out as long as there's communication. If you didn't know about typology you'd just think he's a charming guy and go for it, right? Do that. Just keep type differences in mind for when there's conflict, and see if that helps you get through it together.

There are differing schools of thought in typology about combinations. Your Se is inferior so is probably all but nonexistent, same as his Ni. Some people think this creates stress, because what he trusts in perception, you do not, and vice versa. Se doms can be very real, direct, literal people. Ni doms can be pretty much the opposite, kind of fanciful, tied up in impressions and, from the Se dom's perspective, kind of confusing. Ni has this branching conjecture process involved that can make some pretty out there connections that, objectively speaking, don't really make sense. How the two of you handle that is up to you.

Another says that being around a strong Se user can strengthen your use of this function. I think the recommended combination in this sense is ESTP though, since then you're sharing all the same functions (just not in the same order).


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## Marac (Mar 26, 2012)

I love how people blatantly state as a fact that "ESFPs are no good for anything more than a superficial relationship", based on one or two persons they know.

As for the topic itself; I have an INFJ mother and my best friend is an INFJ. Both relationships are great. I love their thoughtfulness and their values. I think they like me for my positivity, humor and easy going attitude (Note: That doesn't mean that I'm not serious about important things).


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Any type can get along with each other. It's the person, not the type.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

eros5th said:


> I have a friend that's an ESFP. In a superficial relationship she's fun. Deeper than that we don't click.* It's like her IQ is tiny she can't comprehend anything I say that's too deep for her.* Her Se makes her crazy to me. My N drives her nuts. I guess my J drives her nuts too lol. She calls me paranoid and reading too deep into things and being closed off from people I don't know. She calls me quiet. Ahaha it's hilarious. And I look at her and think damnit woman can you fucking slow down?! Because she talks so fast and jumps from one topic to the next that she'll ask me 3 questions successively really fast and by the time I give her the answer to the first she thinks it's the answer to the 3rd and doesn't understand. She has ADD and does drugs while I'm not the addictive type at allll. And I don't touch drugs.
> 
> Her and her friends are heavy sensors while* I consider myself a caring intellectual.* I'm down to have fun like her though but it's hard to always keep up with her. Oh and she considers so many people boring. Which really means she's probably too crazy lol. We still don't get each other. I read into things she says and she communicates horribly. So I end up trying to figure out what she "really" meant and she then thinks I read into things too much when in reality it's because she sucks at communicating.
> 
> So yea... if we're just having fun she's fun. To go deeper than that it doesn't work.


Oh yeah, you're a really caring person alright 

I think it's silly when people claim they're deep. It's like me saying I'm green, it's just a statement with no backing at all. I've read a few of your posts and it's still to be determined. You may just think too lowly of your friends when compared to yourself, imagine how they would feel knowing that their _caring_ friend thinks they're a bunch of fucking idiots. But do you _really_ care?


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## Arclight (Feb 10, 2010)

My Mother is an ESFP.. She has a B.A. in Psychology and an M.A. is Sociology..
She is presently a high school teacher. 
She is highly intelligent and extremely insightful. She is also perhaps one of the most resilient people I have ever encountered. 
She is a master of reinventing herself and nobody's fool. 
I have tried to emulate the best of her in my life and have likely fallen short in this regard, up to this point.
I thank her for teaching me how to stand up for myself.
She does have a tendency to ignore her ability to think critically at times and will buy into whatever hype is being fed to her. 
But no one who knows her would ever accuse her of being shallow.
You would do so at your own risk.


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## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

My mother and father are an INFJ and ESFP, respectively.

Despite their differences and tendency to fight like wet cats in a box, they're very much in love, and have been for nearly thirty years.


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## skbulletin (Aug 30, 2011)

Fizz said:


> *Oh yeah, you're a really caring person alright*
> 
> *I think it's silly when people claim they're deep.* It's like me saying I'm green, it's just a statement with no backing at all. I've read a few of your posts and it's still to be determined. You may just think too lowly of your friends when compared to yourself, imagine how they would feel knowing that their _caring_ friend thinks they're a bunch of fucking idiots. *But do you really care?*



aww come on, leave her alone. :laughing:

She's expressing herself. Just because that's how she present herself, doesn't necessarily mean she treats them like one, nor does it mean she thinks of them lowly. They're just not up to her expectation that's all. 

You have to remember that what people consider deep to them are not the same as yours. If she's complaining about how her friend is not deep enough for her, then yeah, she has every right to feel so. 

You can't just base a person on just going around stalking their post to see fit in your standards as "deep". You're level of "deepness" might not even scratch the surface of what she calls "deepness". Just saying. lol.


Back to the topic, Just like @firedell says
anyone can get along. It just depends on what type of person they are. 
NOT type of MBTI they have. 

For all I know, I can have a extremely terrible time with one ISFJ and a extremely wonderful time with another ISFJ.


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## A Little Bit of Cheeze (Apr 21, 2012)

eros5th said:


> I have a friend that's an ESFP. In a superficial relationship she's fun. Deeper than that we don't click. It's like her IQ is tiny she can't comprehend anything I say that's too deep for her. Her Se makes her crazy to me. My N drives her nuts. I guess my J drives her nuts too lol.


Exactly what he said. A close INFJ and ESFP in my life have the same problem. It also seems like INFJ tries too hard to read into the ESFP and that causes problems because have the time the ESFP tells me it's like the INFJ is reading her mind and the other half is that her feelings aren't that deep and she's(the INFJ) worrying too much.


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## Jewl (Feb 28, 2012)

eros5th said:


> I have a friend that's an ESFP. In a superficial relationship she's fun. Deeper than that we don't click. It's like her IQ is tiny she can't comprehend anything I say that's too deep for her. Her Se makes her crazy to me. My N drives her nuts. I guess my J drives her nuts too lol. She calls me paranoid and reading too deep into things and being closed off from people I don't know. She calls me quiet. Ahaha it's hilarious. And I look at her and think damnit woman can you fucking slow down?! Because she talks so fast and jumps from one topic to the next that she'll ask me 3 questions successively really fast and by the time I give her the answer to the first she thinks it's the answer to the 3rd and doesn't understand. She has ADD and does drugs while I'm not the addictive type at allll. And I don't touch drugs.
> 
> Her and her friends are heavy sensors while I consider myself a caring intellectual. I'm down to have fun like her though but it's hard to always keep up with her. Oh and she considers so many people boring. Which really means she's probably too crazy lol. We still don't get each other. I read into things she says and she communicates horribly. So I end up trying to figure out what she "really" meant and she then thinks I read into things too much when in reality it's because she sucks at communicating.
> 
> So yea... if we're just having fun she's fun. To go deeper than that it doesn't work.


Are having high IQ and being intellectual the two things that go along with depth? What makes a person deep, anyway? Is it if they like philosophy and they like looking for hidden meanings and analyzing people and their motivations? I have seen so many Intuitives say things like, "I knew a type XXXX. They weren't deep." They then go and describe a very superficial person (usually who is labeled as a SP or Sensor in general, but we have no idea how that person was actually typed considering it is obvious the person they were talking about didn't get into personality theory). 

I don't think many people would say that the person you described is "deep", because being all materialistic and seize-the-day is hardly ever seen as "deep". However, we do not know for one whether or not the person you typed is in fact ESFP. Second of all, even if she is ESFP, other ESFPs will not be like her. And you probably didn't mean to make any generalizations, however, it does kind of come across that way.


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

I'm not INFJ but my cousin is an ESFP and I love her both dearly and deeply. I think she's awesome.


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## coquette (Jun 23, 2012)

I'm an INFJ and my brother is an ESFP-- we are as opposite as you can get. We don't really get along well and he really "lives in the moment" and does not understand why I decide to spend time by myself rather than going outside all the time like he does. We're too different.​


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

skbulletin said:


> aww come on, leave her alone. :laughing:
> 
> She's expressing herself. Just because that's how she present herself, doesn't necessarily mean she treats them like one, nor does it mean she thinks of them lowly. They're just not up to her expectation that's all.
> 
> ...


Some people's definition of deep is quite shallow to me. And also it's a "he" not a "she" that posted that.


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## skbulletin (Aug 30, 2011)

Fizz said:


> "he" not a "she" that posted that.


Oh you're right she is a he. lol. I was scrolling to fast and instead saw the girl gender sign :tongue: 



Fizz said:


> Some people's definition of deep is quite shallow to me.


Exactly, that is why I said "*You have to remember that what people consider deep to them are not the same as yours*". 

For him, you're definition of deep = shallow for him. Views are just different.

Don't get so butt hurt, just because it seemed like he tackled the entire ESFP-type. Its not like he purposely did it.
He's just sharing his experience that's all.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

skbulletin said:


> Exactly, that is why I said "*You have to remember that what people consider deep to them are not the same as yours*".
> 
> For him, you're definition of deep = shallow for him. Views are just different.
> 
> ...


You're using antagonizing words, if you had something substantial to say, it's lost now. This entire conversation is pointless because he already attempted to defend himself and that didn't end too well for him. He posted more typist drivel that isn't appreciated on this forum.


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## In_The_Fade (Jun 8, 2012)

I'm not sure how helpful my insight is because the friend I suspect is an ESFP has not actually taken the test, but I have known her for 15 years so I hope I should know her well enough to be able to guess her type. I think she is hilarious and lots of fun to be around but she does tend to wear me out a bit. She's very sensitive, so I would say she's quite deep to be able to feel things as deeply as she does. She is very caring and sweet, but sometimes unreliable with catching up. She can't bear to be alone so always has to be around people. She likes talking with me because I'm a good listener and she feels I offer "smart" advice/perspective and a different way of thinking about things. We don't see each other a lot (I think because we have such different energy levels) but when we do the two of us really enjoy each other's company. So in my case, her Se does wear me out a bit, but I don't have much of a problem with my Ni with her... sometimes we don't "get" each other, but we can always communicate the important things. Just takes getting used to I guess.

Basically I think you two could at least have a great friendship if not more. As a few people have said, if you didn't know about MBTI you would probably go for it, so go for it!


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## dianne (Jun 21, 2012)

laurey996 said:


> What do people think about ESFPs and INFJs?
> Is there anyone out there with experience in how these two types would get along, either as friends or more?
> What about how the functions would interact with eachother? How would the INFJs Introverted Intuition respond to the ESFPs Extraverted Sensing?
> 
> ...


I think you shouldn't focus too much on the "type" really. If you like someone, definitely go for it! One of my closest friend was an ESFP. They are friendly people, but a bit too sensitive in my opinion. I choose my words with care when talking to them.. I mean when I'm being critical.


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## ToiletWater13 (Jun 7, 2011)

This thread looked interesting. I figured I'd go ahead and answer any questions you have, though the relationships I have with ESFPs is strictly platonic- so I can't say much about a romantic connection. My little sister is an ESFP, and so is a very good friend of mine. With both of them, I often feel like there's a little bit of bipolarity in certain areas; while they are both fully capable of making me feel genuinely valued, liked, and wanted around, they are also fully capable of making me feel like I'm not really wanted. My sister is more likely to do the latter. Both of them value my sense of humor, my friend more than my sister, but when my sister gets to feeling down in the dumps, she will literally look at me and say "Make me laugh." My sister gets annoyed with the random information I have in-depth knowledge on, and often gets frustrated with me when I go on knowledge spouts with her. Both of them are known to laugh at me when I have my air-headed moments (there's a small table in my house I somehow manage to walk into constantly, my sister finds this hilarious), although my sister often gets annoyed with me, too. I imagine that they both have to do a lot of "putting up with" my bubble-head tendencies, but it's an even trade-off, since I often have to be patient with them- especially my ESFP friend. Somehow, it seems like my little sister is better at gauging a conversation and when a person is expected to reply. My friend, however, is known to almost constantly get bombarded with distracting things on her computer, so one response she gives me might take 30 seconds and the next could be 10 minutes (which is a long time on the internet). Both of them seem to have ways of understanding me when I say things other people don't understand (and my sister can even sometimes be a translator for me), but I still sometimes have to spell my train of thought out to them at times. They just understand for me when it's important. Somehow, they even understand the way I express my affection- which is only rarely forthright- and can participate in it with me. It's mutual friendly harassment, though my sister sometimes doesn't know where to draw the line and might annoy me pretty easily.

My ESFP friend, although she's more than willing to come to me for advice, support, and emotional security, sometimes seems uninterested in hearing me talk about my feelings and problems. That's one of the major things that keeps me from being able to get really close to her. As an INFJ, I have had to get used to the fact that my friendships will most likely end up being one-sided. I probably wouldn't know what to do in an equal friendship. The thing that keeps me from getting totally enraged over it is that she at least considers it important to try to care, and when we're communicating vocally, she does better at "caring" than when we're just typing to each other. Unfortunately, I'm more than aware of how good she is at acting interested in something when she's actually getting annoyed with the information that's going in. It's hard to get _really_ close to someone when you don't know what they might be saying or thinking about you behind your back. 

My ESFP friend has some shallowness issues (pardon me if I find it shallow and cliche' when people say "No one sees my pain, everyone just sees the happy me!". I'd be more likely to believe it if every person on the earth didn't say that at some point), but if I didn't feel she had some depth of personality, I wouldn't talk to her or enjoy her company as much as I do. They both exhaust me if I spend too much time doing what they want. My sister sometimes outright says I'm boring; she thinks that introverts "have no personality." That's probably just her pre-teen immaturity, though. 

When it comes to the two personality types having a romantic relationship, I don't see a reason why they couldn't. It would require work from both sides, but so would any other relationship- platonic or otherwise. The important things are...well, probably the same with any other couple! They each must know that their partner is being honest with them, even if that means dealing with some not-so-positive comments. In my experience, an ESFP might have to be careful with tact at times; the ESFPs I know might falter in their tact. If an INFJ takes their blunt criticism too harshly, it can be devastating to them, so while the ESFP is working on what words they need to use to express their thoughts and feelings, the INFJ should probably work on understanding what the other person is actually saying- versus how it sounds. Of course, that means that the INFJ must know beyond a shadow of a doubt that "Don't bother getting me anything for my birthday" (for example) actually means "I don't want anything," not "You're terrible at giving presents" or "If you love me, you'll buy me something pretty and expensive anyways." In order for the ESFP to be able to understand the way the INFJ partner sees things, the INFJ will have to get some courage and out-right say it. This is easier for the INFJ to do if they understand how the ESFP sees things; I personally find it's easier for me to understand the individual ESFPs and see things from their perspective than the other way around, maybe because the ESFP sees what is obvious on the surface. An INFJ might have to get used to the fact that their ESFP partner won't be heavy into discussing philosophy, politics, social issues, or whatever with them, and the ESFP partner may have to put up with a little drabble. As always, it's extremely important for them to be responsive to each other, communicate, and express empathy for each other. 

I won't say that personality type has no place in relationships, but you also must be able to keep the information in perspective. The MBTI is useful mainly for understanding and appreciating the similarities and differences between people, to better be able to comprehend the behavior of others. It's not a "date this, don't date that" guideline. When it comes to dating and relationships of that nature, the personality always gives way to the _person_. If the particular INFJ and the ESFP are compatible, they'll be able to make it work. If not, we've just found another way it doesn't work. 

Good luck with whatever reason you had for asking this question! I hope I've helped you in some way


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## CoopV (Nov 6, 2011)

A Little Bit of Cheeze said:


> It also seems like INFJ tries too hard to read into the ESFP and that causes problems because have the time the ESFP tells me it's like the INFJ is reading her mind and the other half is that her feelings aren't that deep and she's(the INFJ) worrying too much.


Omg YES! This describes our relationship lately to a T.




Julia Bell said:


> And you probably didn't mean to make any generalizations, however, it does kind of come across that way.


Yea that wasn't my intention. And the IQ thing actually came from my INTJ father when I was describing my friend. Though I don't even know if we're friends anymore... because her behavior makes it seem she's distancing herself from me but I have no idea why and she is horrible at communicating which leaves me coming up with a million possibilities of what I did wrong which is exhausting. And why do I even give a damn? Because I'm loyal to my friends and I've known her for many years. I want to make relationships work... I'm not the type to just cut people out of my life so easily.



Fizz said:


> Oh yeah, you're a really caring person alright
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Fizz said:


> He posted more typist drivel that isn't appreciated on this forum.


Let me fix that since I didn't realize how easily posts are censored here. 

"Actually the reason I sounded that way is because she recently screwed me over and we're not good friends anymore. While I was trying to make things work and care about her she slapped me in the face with not communicating what I needed to do to make our relationship work and what was bothering her.

Oh and don't judge me based on my posts you have no idea who or what I'm like. I can be silly, I can be serious, I can post whatever I feel like posting. You don't know my former friend either so you have no business commenting on her either. She's admitted she can't understand what I'm talking about half the time and says "Wow you're so smart" all the time because like I said she's very simple minded and can't understand anything too deep.

As for me considering myself deep it's based off constantly being told I'm deep. Maybe you should read more than "a few posts" when you're trying to make a judgment on someone.

As for whether I care at this point. I do still care for her but her indifference and the fact she treated me like crap previously without an explanation does upset me hence why I sounded harsh in my post.

But anyways I don't need to justify myself to you. If you really think you know what's going on in my relationship based off one little post and you think you know me based off random posts on a forum then well it shows that you lack intelligence. And yea I'm not afraid to be blunt in my opinion since you've decided to personally attack me."




skbulletin said:


> Oh you're right she is a he. lol. I was scrolling to fast and instead saw the girl gender sign
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Clearly she chose to get offended when the person I was speaking about isn't her nor is it "all ESFPs." 

And anyways Eros is male and my avatar is a male hehe.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

@eros5th does it really matter when a dumb person says you're "smart"? For all we know, a banana could seem smart to them. I wouldn't hold their word in high regard as I would someone with intelligence or even perceived intelligence.


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## Perhaps (Aug 20, 2011)

A Little Bit of Cheeze said:


> Exactly what he said. A close INFJ and ESFP in my life have the same problem. It also seems like INFJ tries too hard to read into the ESFP and that causes problems because have the time the ESFP tells me it's like the INFJ is reading her mind and the other half is that her feelings aren't that deep and she's(the INFJ) worrying too much.


This sounds a bit like what happens between my parents. My mother reads all sorts of motives into my father's behavior, projects a bunch of her own unresolved issues onto him, and becomes passive-aggressive when my dad doesn't "admit" to things. But half the time, there's actually nothing there. My father, meanwhile, is very outwardly emotionally reactive, resents this kind of treatment and the fact that she reads him incorrectly so often-- and acts out childishly due to some of his own baggage. This'll keep looping until both of them forget what caused the original conflict/get bored.


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

While, I've never been in a romantic relationship with one, I have many ESFP friends. I love them! They always bring me out of my shell and get me to try new things. They are easy to talk to and there is always laughing involved. They really do bring the fun. I am an INFJ.


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## CoopV (Nov 6, 2011)

Fizz said:


> @_eros5th_ does it really matter when a dumb person says you're "smart"? For all we know, a banana could seem smart to them. I wouldn't hold their word in high regard as I would someone with intelligence or even perceived intelligence.


How'd you know I'm a banana? :tongue:

Anyways she's the one saying it so from her perspective I'm smarter than her. I know my own IQ, grades, and abilities. And have always been told I'm smart from "smart" people like teachers and professors.

In any case if you want to keep attacking me why don't you do it outside this thread since I already established I don't believe *ALL *ESFPs are dumb. Actually don't bother I don't really even care anymore. I don't need to keep justifying myself to you. You're just a dog avatar to me.


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## m_dogg (Feb 22, 2012)

I have a friend who I'm pretty sure is an ESFP. I wouldn't say she isn't deep, but I would say she's a major space case and can often times (most of the time) be entirely unaware of the situation. While she notices who's there, what they're wearing, or how they speak/talk, and what they are saying (she is a great listener, despite her extreme talkative behavior), she doesn't notice the sarcasm, or when someone is insulting her back-handed-ly. This has often led her into terrible, terrible relationships. She always dates guys who DO NOT care about her, or don't treat her the way she should be treated; ahem, with respect. But it takes her 2 years, and some rude ass awakenings for her to realize she needs to dump the chumps she's dating/friends with.


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## Doom (Oct 25, 2010)

I suspect I know one but its hard to say, he used to be more extroverted but he got beaten up a lot and ended up in a psyche ward and is currently on a lot of medication that he comes off as Zombie like and just watches TV all day. We get on fairly well but I find that he can be a bit unaware and you kind of have to remind him to do things everybody else just does. We get on a lot better when its just us but our ESTP friend really likes to rile him up and sometimes pins us against each other. I've never met a female ESFP that I am aware of though I don't believe it would work that well for me individually though I can see the attraction.

@m_dogg - That sounds a lot like him, at first I suspected he might be an ENFP.


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## m_dogg (Feb 22, 2012)

Doom said:


> I suspect I know one but its hard to say, he used to be more extroverted but he got beaten up a lot and ended up in a psyche ward and is currently on a lot of medication that he comes off as Zombie like and just watches TV all day. We get on fairly well but I find that he can be a bit unaware and you kind of have to remind him to do things everybody else just does. We get on a lot better when its just us but our ESTP friend really likes to rile him up and sometimes pins us against each other. I've never met a female ESFP that I am aware of though I don't believe it would work that well for me individually though I can see the attraction.
> 
> @_m_dogg_ - That sounds a lot like him, at first I suspected he might be an ENFP.


Wow, you're poor friend! He sounds kind of like Syd Barret's story. I wish him well. Also, I love your avatar, I totally dig Mushishi!


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## Teya (Jan 23, 2012)

In high school one of my best guy friends was an ESFP. He had a lot of positive qualities:

- Great at giving hugs. Seriously, all I had to do was say "Dustin, I need a hug." and he'd bear hug me until I couldn't breathe. So great.
- Very generous in general. If I got cold, he'd toss me his letter jacket and tell me to wear it. I had a lot of people ask me if we were dating because I'd wear his jackets frequently.
- Energetic. Always talking about something very enthusiastically. I was never able to get bored around him.
- Very physical. I guess this relates to hugs. I'm an INFJ 5w6 and I'm really not a touchy-feely person, but around him I turned into a complete snuggler. I'd fall asleep on him on bus trips and at late parties and the like. It didn't mean anything to me romantically, but human contact is always an endorphin booster.
- Wonderful for flirting with. Very friendly, very flattering, very witty. He was hilarious and always made me laugh even if I didn't want to.
- Knew everything about everyone. If I needed information on someone I'd ask him.

He also had his negative qualities:

- Whiny. ALL the time. If he wrote a crappy paper, it was the teacher's fault he failed it (even when I got an A fair and square). Same goes for if our band director told him he was out of tune. It wasn't his trumpet, it was the director's ears.
- Bored easily. I loved hearing him babble, but his attention couldn't stay on something for more than a week.
- Not always the best listener. I've found this with Fi types in general (not saying I dislike them, just an observation) - they don't seem to listen unless they feel personally involved in the situation you're describing. The exception to this would be my ISFP sister - but my INFP mom, ENFP friend, and ESFP friend I'm talking about here all would check out pretty fast.

So I'd listen to him babble and vent and complain and ramble, and we'd cuddle and hang out and just goof of. Then it got interesting.

It all kind of went down like this:

- He ended up liking me, which was awkward. I'd never seen him in that way (me and our other friends were all kind of wondering if he was gay, actually) and then he said he liked me. 
- I didn't respond to that very eloquently ("Um. Thanks. Why.") and then decided what the heck why not. He's cute and I'm single and I'm bored and I don't feel bad about having fun with him.
- We were standing in a back hallway of our school's art department and we were just goofing around and pushing each other and he pushed me up against a wall with his face inches from mine. That was the first time I actually thought about kissing him and if I hadn't been so romantically unattached to him I probably would have. It was a really weird feeling, but I can imagine if I had been attracted to him he would have had to peel me off his face. I'm not used to being shoved around by guys so I felt kind of awkward about it (in a good way, if that makes any sense - and I've only ever felt that way around ESxPs. I like Se  ) and he asked and I admitted how weird it was to be that close and he just smirked.
- We planned a secret beach picnic date for Valentine's day (so my dad wouldn't grill me) and then we both canceled the date a couple days before because we had to babysit. 
- A week after that, since we hadn't talked about it at all, I checked in and said "hey, so are we still going to try this out?" and he said "no, sorry, I just don't think that will work". I said that was fine and felt significantly less guilty about it after that. I had been starting to feel bad because I was basically using him as an ego boost (although I did genuinely enjoy his company). So when he got over our sad failed attempt at dating it kind of evened things out. Not to say I wasn't a bit ticked at being moved on from so quickly, but hey that's how he is with everything. 
- We were awkward for about a week and then we just moved on. All was forgotten (not forgotten, but certainly put in the past) and we stayed good friends and that was fine. I didn't feel any longing for him and he just didn't like anyone for a month or so after that.
- We never talk anymore because I'm at college and he's working five jobs and going to culinary school or something like that. He's taking my ENFP friend to two proms and is apparently head over heels in love with her. I wish them the best. 

Currently I only know one other ESFP guy. I work with him, he's one of the supervisors. He's pretty much amazing. I don't have a crush on him, but I can appreciate his awesomeness. I think he's got pretty well developed Te, so he's not quite as flighty and my friend was. I think he's awesome and a lot of fun to work with.

Long story short, I have yet to be mentally or emotionally attracted to an ESFP. Physically, heck yes, bring it on. But as of my limited experience, I just don't feel that spark mentally. However, bring on the ExTPs.


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## quixoticcrush (Mar 15, 2013)

I posted this in another thread about INFJ/ESFP relationships:

_I have a very close family member who is an ESFP. We always got along as "friends", but as family it doesn't work out so well because she relies on me to do favors for her all the time like go buy groceries for her or babysit her kids when she takes off on a whim for the weekend with some random person she just met. I've even had to clean her house for her because she's too busy doing everything else that she's never home. I do so much for her I feel like her own personal maid/nanny/doormat. When we're together we have fun and are always laughing but when it comes to a lot of things I feel like I'm her conscious telling her to think about stuff before she does it like "don't eat that foot long cheese coney!" or "Do you really think it's a good idea to stay in a cabin in the woods with some dude you just met on the internet?"
_
It's almost like my ESFP hasn't really developed her J or T functions at all. Nor is she interested in doing so. She's 30 years old and her mother has to remind her to pay her car payment and rent and sometimes even pays them for her because she won't. And it's not because she can't afford to, she just doesn't. She relies on everyone else to do everything for her because she's too busy having fun. It's so frustrating. She needs to grow-up and take some responsibility. Sure it's okay to have fun, but take care of the more important life stuff first. I mean she has three kids that she doesn't even seem to care about. She spends about an hour a day with them during the week and then on the weekends she's gone partying and they don't get to see her at all. It's so sad. 

/end rant.


But she is fun to be around. She's really good at helping me get out of my funks and have fun and just laugh and be carefree. She's the Peter Pan to my Wendy.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

I know one ESFP who I can not for the life of me stand. Not because she's an ESFP but because she spent so many years trying to make me become more like her because I was "too serious".

In all fairness, I _was_ too serious, but the best way to get me to loosen up is NOT by making me feel bad about who I am/was.

She's also incredibly vindictive and likes to play the victim role ALL THE DAMN TIME. I don't think this has anything to do with her MBTI type, I think she's just really insecure...

SO BASICALLY, there will be good ESFP's and there will be bad ESFP's. Go for people who are secure in themselves and fun to be around - that's my motto and it hasn't led me astray since.


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## Vanishing Point (Oct 2, 2012)

I dated a guy years ago who I think was an ESFP. He was a lot of fun and easy to get along with. Bit of a ladies man. Lol. Big flirt. Really nice guy. We weren't in love so it fizzled out fast, but a nice guy. 
My hubby's friend who stayed over at our house for a few months was an ESFP. A brilliant guy. Very very VERY talented in quite a few artistic-technical fields. I was pretty blown away. Made me feel like a bit of a neanthredal after putting together a puzzle I had been struggling to finish for a week in 30 minutes while eating a sandwich and talking on the phone. so yeah... dfinitely no dummy. That kind of a jovial spirit and light and joyous conversational style was there. He was always busy hanging around town meeting people. You could tell he was a Se dom: seeking experiences and active. Really courteous and a nice house guest. I don't have anything negative to say about the guy. Really a nice person. I can't give any romance insight, but from what I've met I get along well with ESFPs it seems.


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## Ellis Bell (Mar 16, 2012)

> Whiny. ALL the time. If he wrote a crappy paper, it was the teacher's fault he failed it (even when I got an A fair and square). Same goes for if our band director told him he was out of tune. It wasn't his trumpet, it was the director's ears.


My ESFP sister is similar. The bowl didn't break because she dropped it on the (granite) countertop; the countertop was too hard. It seems to be an SP thing, this not wanting to take blame or shifting it on to someone else... though some are not this bad...


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

I'm just a huge fan of NJ/SP relationships in general cuz of how Ni and Se work. Ni-doms get their ideas from processing information taken in by the inferior Se, so the better in touch they are with their inferior Se, the more accurate their intuition. Who Better to help with Se than an SP? Same thing with Se-Doms. The better in touch they are with their Ni, the Bette they can interpret what they take in via their Se and make better decisions.

But you don't date types, you date people; I could date someone, pretty much any type. I think, however, with an ESTJ it might get lonely sometimes, cuz of our differences in temperament, but I think I could even make that work, cuz I'm pretty sure my brother is ESTJ, and we usually get along pretty well when he's not being overly rude, critical or overbearing toward me.


This is why, in theory, I'd go for an ESFP. They're usually great at living in the moment. They tend to be more simple + straightforward, not to say that an ESFP can't be deep or intelligent, but they tend to communicate their ideas in a more straightforward way. I like that.

There's this ESFP that liked me from time to time. He's so nice and respectful toward me. I usually get where he's coming from on a lot of things, so he kinda gave me a good opinion of ESFP guys. He has this constant drive toward self-improvement; he's a pretty independent thinker. But, then again, each person is a unique individual.


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## bvdk99 (Jun 5, 2013)

One of my close friends is an ESFP (or so I believe - he hasn't taken any MBTI or Cognitive Function tests, though I do know he's an Enneagram 7w8), and I find our relationship to be a healthy one, but at the same time not totally fulfilling. The only conflict that ever arises is either due to my incapability to keep up with his quick, experience-driven lifestyle, or because I somewhat expect him to talk to me often and for me to not have to initiate any interactions.


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## cudibloop (Oct 11, 2012)

NFJs get along with everybody by default


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

Perhaps said:


> My mother and father are an INFJ and ESFP, respectively.
> 
> Despite their differences and tendency to fight like wet cats in a box, they're very much in love, and have been for nearly thirty years.


I think this is cute.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

The ESFP guy I know said I attract him like a fly is attracted to a bug zapper


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## loverofballet (Aug 14, 2013)

*I'm an INFJ in love and living with an ESFP...it hasn't been easy*

My brother is an ESFP and I have had several friends that are ESFP, never a bf until 6 months ago. We started off as friends as we share a passion for sports and music. Our friendship went along so naturally and easy. He is so much fun to be with and I love his sense of humour. He likes to make me laugh and looks for ways to do this. He loves to make me happy. Whether it is cooking a great meal for me, or pleasing me in bed. He is absolutely the master of sensations and having fun. The downside to us is our different communication styles. This has caused us some real grief. When I was relating a story about my friend who has a drug addict for a son and ex husband, my bf thought I was comparing him to this guy and got so crazy upset I almost ended up leaving him. My bf is on a lot of medications because he had brain cancer. Anyway, I have to be so carefull with what I say to him that he doesn't take it the wrong way. He is so easily offended and relates any complaints I might have about things that go wrong in his house, to that of a personal attack on himself. I'm a problem solver, so when I bring things up (like having no cold water to wash my clothes with) I'm just looking for a solution, not trying to blame him. Anyway, he thinks I have this horrible, nasty side to my nature and that worries me. When I'm under attack I tend to close up in my shell like a turtle. I don't yell and scream, just get cold. His interpretation of this is my nasty horrible and mean side. I don't see it like that. Anyway, we are committed to each other and we have had some deep and meaningful discussions about making our relationship work.

ESFP's can have deep, meaningful conversations. My ESFP has gone through hell with surviving a brain tumour, so that has slowed him down a lot and made him more philosophical and caring on a deeper level.

I'm hoping in the future he will learn to value my insights about people and situations. He already values my organizational skills and attention to detail.


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## cmykendra (Jun 7, 2013)

One of my classmates profoundly expressed to the world that she is an ESFP. 

All of the playing the victim/making excuses/projection of sensing/feeling/thinking onto everyone around the area at any given moment...and SO DAMN LOUD.

Sigh. I can safely save I've never hated anyone more – And I kind of feel bad that I feel that way.


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## Cthulhu And Coffee (Mar 8, 2012)

I just want to say that if an ESFP or person of any other personality type really accepted your differences and ENJOYED those differences, I find it highly unlikely that they would attempt to force you to do anything you didn't feel like doing. What would the point be in being around you otherwise, and not someone who lived up to their standards more?


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## infpheart (Jan 4, 2014)

Excellent comment, i was just thinking that it seems estj is supposed to be my best match or entj and nothing against them but I need a feeler.


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## infpheart (Jan 4, 2014)

Tell me about it lol my esfp cousin rarely took the blame for her mistakes she did to me until i complained.


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## loverofballet (Aug 14, 2013)

boughtmeawalkman said:


> I just want to say that if an ESFP or person of any other personality type really accepted your differences and ENJOYED those differences, I find it highly unlikely that they would attempt to force you to do anything you didn't feel like doing. What would the point be in being around you otherwise, and not someone who lived up to their standards more?


The questions is...can an ESFP truly accept a personality that is so foreign to their own? I would say any NF type personality is one that they would never really be able to wrap their brain around. Not to mention, would they even be interested in trying???


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## Psychopomp (Oct 3, 2012)

loverofballet said:


> The questions is...can an ESFP truly accept a personality that is so foreign to their own? I would say any NF type personality is one that they would never really be able to wrap their brain around. Not to mention, would they even be interested in trying???


ESFPs are probably the single most accepting personality there is, as a rule. If you are in, you are in. They might be too oriented with doing things, and with what is or could be real, and that might cause a disconnect - but it is probably only the intuitive who feels it or who may understand it. 

The idea that an ESFP wouldn't accept a personality foreign to them is almost absurd to me. They would have to engage Fi or Ni to close any such door. Basically they would have to see you as a villain or perhaps what you do or represent as hurtful or morally wrong. But, cmon, it's an ESFP! A five minute conversation in which you aren't a jerk will end that. 

Please don't base your view of a type on the sorest thumb that sticks itself out. Those people are more indicative of low self-esteem or abusive or backward upbringing than they are of any type. Sitting down behind these people that grab our low-order-sensory attention are the awesome ESFPs that we probably mistype or never bother to engage.


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## Valtire (Jan 1, 2014)

loverofballet said:


> The questions is...can an ESFP truly accept a personality that is so foreign to their own? I would say any NF type personality is one that they would never really be able to wrap their brain around. Not to mention, would they even be interested in trying???


My ESFP friend and I understand each other quite well. I love her Se-Fi; she's both feisty and soft. It's because we share all our functions that we can understand each other. It's mainly because my Ni ideas are output through Te, which is a function she can use and understand.


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## akiahitokage (Mar 23, 2014)

My mom and one of my good friends are ESFP's but I do have one ESFP friend that I don't get along with as well. It has nothing to do with her personality though, she's just a little immature.

That being said I really think from other experiences that we can get along! I am so grateful to my ESFP bestie for helping me heal through emotionally challenging times just by being herself. Sometimes you just need someone to pick you up and go for a drive, blast some sweet tunes and have spontaneous adventures. She's really fun and uplifting- and I definitely wouldn't say that she's shallow. Last time we hung out she initiated a conversation about how Buddhism differs from other regions that went beyond surface-level conversation. ESFP tend to be really great at taking care of someone tangibly (I know my mum does this with cooking) and other acts of service that I deeply appreciate. And as an introvert, I appreciate when my ESFP bestie looks out for me in social situations, using her wit and quickness to keep me from being made fun of.


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## Noelle (Apr 25, 2012)

I once had a ESFP as a coworker, and I loved her to death. She was so fun and lighthearted, I really felt like I could learn something from her. We were pretty good friends, I miss her a lot. Yeah, deep conversations didn't happen, and she was the stereotypical definition of 'shallow,' but I felt like I was actually balanced in her presence. LEARNING to not be so stuck in my head and serving of others. Learning the joy of living in the moment. (Ironically, I'm married to an ENFP now, who I find to be very balancing.)


As for dating an ESFP...totally different experience and much less rosy. It started out great (and he actually was and is very intelligent, capable, and successful...ESFP doesn't mean stupid at all.) His shallowness (which I won't say was bad...just different) was the death of our relationship. I felt pressured to starve myself and always wear makeup. I felt pressure to be perfect and someone I wasn't. And I could tell when he was flirting/attracted to someone else (which he denied despite the fact it was true, but I'm sure I added fuel to the fire by insisting I was right when he tried to dismiss it.) He was always incredibly self-absorbed. Ultimately, he ended up breaking it off when we went to college and he was convinced he would eventually find better. I don't know why I was so devastated at the time, but I was for about a week. But I'm glad the break up happened, neither of us would have been happy at all.

I was actually a billion times more devastated when my relationship with the ESTP fell apart. I ended up breaking up with him, but it was a really bad situation. I think the fact that we shared more functions made it deeper, but that's off topic so I'll let that rest.


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## cercatrice (Jun 24, 2014)

My mom's an ESFP. We get along great because she realizes that she doesn't quite understand me, and that's okay. She tries her best, and she's one of the kindest people I've ever met. She would do anything, for anyone. I happen to think that that makes her incredibly gullible, but hey. 

She sends me little comics about introverts all the time. She is clearly doing her best to understand me. 

When I still lived with her, the difference was absolutely clear. Whenever we'd go grocery shopping together, she seemed to know everyone and actually went out of her way to make sure she said hello them, then pulled up obscure facts about their daily lives and made sure they were doing alright.

I'd see someone I knew and stare at the floor or position myself so that I was behind her :tongue:

I think it can work, if the ESFP isn't pushy and attempts to understand you.


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## Grimdark (May 3, 2014)

I loooove ESFPs!! I wish I were one. :T


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## Kebachi (May 27, 2014)

Really boils down to how healthy both individuals are and if they have similar interests. 
I have an ESFP friend and cousin. If we're just hanging out and having fun it's all gravy, but anything beyond that leaves me wanting. Conversations are fine, it's usually them leading and talking about the things that they like which I can handle in small doses. If I bring up what I'm interested in and expand upon it my cousin starts freaking out and begs me to stop. It amuses me at least, but if I were in a relationship with someone like that I'd feel a little unfulfilled, no matter how epic the sex was, lol


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## Kuriru (Sep 8, 2014)

My SO of 6 months and best friend of almost 2 years is an ESFP. 

Like quite a few people here have mentioned, there is definitely the issue of ESFPs often not being as interested in 'deep' philosophical discussions or ideas that we as INFJs often are, and often our desire to stimulate and engage in Ni related things can't be fulfilled with ESFPs. However, from personal experience (I have two other good friends who are ESFPs), I do know they are capable of engaging in deep conversations, it's just a rare occurrence. 

Also, I don't think shallowness (in terms of not being able to stay faithful, or being too concerned with appearances) is a big problem at all if you become an important person to them, and are regarded highly by their Fi. This could take a while, but once you've earned their loyalty and trust, they make amazing loyal friends or SOs.

The lack of conversations to the depth that I prefer is the main downside for me, but other than that I really do think INFJs and ESFPs can get along well if both sides are willing to get to know each other and work with the differences (just like with relationships with anyone really, regardless of MBTI type).


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## Xania (Jun 9, 2015)

I'm an ESFP and NF types are my absolute favourite. my closest friends, my boyfriend and my favourite cousin are all NFs; my boyfriend is INFJ and 2 or 3 of my friends are INFPs, I have at least one ENFP and one ENFJ friend as well. 

I may not automatically 'get' these types at such a deep level as they would like sometimes, but I certainly try and want to. It takes building a relationship on open communication and understanding the differences in communication and energy sources and trying to work around them by both parties making compromises.

I love all people of every type unless they have seriously offended me, but I admire NFs most for their emotional intelligence and have even wished that I were an NF on occasion.


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## ArcadianCognition (Feb 17, 2015)

I'm an INFJ who had an ESFP friend. I was pretty lonely when I hung out with him and he was underdeveloped in his type so not as mature as he could've been. The moment I realised there were people put there who cared about more than themselves and the next high I left, I needed a substance to the friendship and he could barely scratch the surface of the things I wanted talked about to him. I prefer ENFPs, they have the ability to be both thoughtful and carefree at the same time.


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

When I think about the ESFPs I know (or ISFPs), we tend to feel an initial attraction to each other - we like each other's energy, we admire each other. If we become friends, we tend to get into supportive relationships where we help each other out and talk about feelings. However, we don't really ever become good friends, because we have so many differences, and we don't want to do the same things in our free time, and often we don't have "fun" conversations... we don't understand each others' sense of humor. I often feel self-conscious around them and don't know how to be myself. I feel like they don't really care about anything I want to talk about (beyond our feelings, which I can only talk about for a certain amount of time before I run out of stuff to say).


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