# Why does it have to be "strange" that I'm a man and I'd rather have some strong emotional connection



## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

to a woman before I f*** her? I'm not even demisexual. I have sexual fantasies about women I have no connection to sometimes. But I always draw a line, or more like build a huge impenetrable wall between meaningless sexual fantasies and reality. Its like I've been rather criticized before because I've passed up opportunities to f*** some random woman's brains out. I've even been criticized for not even trying to get to know some women. Well whether they're physically sexy or not, I have no basis to think I wanna get to know them. They're just another random woman that Idk, and the likelihood of something worthwhile happening between us is almost non-existent. Few women would give me a chance because of my circumstances, but almost all women don't have enough to offer me as well on an emotional level to even try to stress about reeling her in. I know I have an ldr gf now, but this is still exactly how I felt before I met her, and its exactly how I'll feel if something happens to her or us. Anyways, my point is why am I considered "weird" because I don't jump at any chance to f*** or date?


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

It's normal. The most non-weird stance a man can have. Avoid letting your desperation guide you.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

pwowq said:


> It's normal.


Maybe in Sweden?


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

Ock said:


> Maybe in Sweden?


Idk. I've only been into this topic with men who live in Sweden. Those I've talked with dislike the machoculture and takes stances against it but it takes a while to get there.


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## Mind Prince (Oct 31, 2019)

Maybe because you are a high quality man and this is rare. Dont let you frame as weird. Its your advantage over those that end up as father with 16 and fuck up their lives.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Mind Prince said:


> Maybe because you are a high quality man and this is rare. Dont let you frame as weird. Its your advantage over those that end up as father with 16 and fuck up their lives.


Thank you.


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## Skimt (May 24, 2020)

What you're describing seems to me a conflict between personal and societal interest, where the latter deems strong attachments (extremes) as something destructive and advocates moderation in its place.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Skimt said:


> What you're describing seems to me a conflict between personal and societal interest, where the latter deems strong attachments (extremes) as something destructive and advocates moderation in its place.


You're assuming I'm majorly screwed up and (extreme)? I mean deep down a part of me probably is, but that's just a part of me. There's much more to me, and I'd rather die single than be desperate.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Skimt said:


> What you're describing seems to me a conflict between personal and societal interest, where the latter deems strong attachments (extremes) as something destructive and advocates moderation in its place.


Women are human beings too! Well I could expound on this, but its pretty self-explanatory.


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## Skimt (May 24, 2020)

Ock said:


> You're assuming I'm majorly screwed up and (extreme)? I mean deep down a part of me probably is, but that's just a part of me. There's much more to me, and I'd rather die single than be desperate.


The only thing I will presume to know about you is that you're a human being, like myself. To be genuine with ones emotions is a merit, but the qualities of moderating them are equally important, is all I'm saying. I struggle with the latter myself, and am by no means flawless.


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## Helnax (Nov 23, 2013)

I mean, not at all? I've dated and have had friends (of various nationality) that have had varied feelings when it comes to this, whether men or women. I guess more men than women might not feel the need to develop an emotional connection, but... many men do imo. You're not alone. I guess maybe you've encountered your fair share of "toxic masculinity". We all need to figure out our own boundaries, and voice them for people we're interested in. Perhaps their wishes match yours, or they don't, but they respect them because they want to get to know you or they don't and can move on.


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## Blazkovitz (Mar 16, 2014)

@Ock, you are not a slave to the pork sword. Congrats!


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Blazkovitz said:


> @Ock, you are not a slave to the pork sword. Congrats!


Pork sword? Well Idk. Pork is my favorite animal product to eat.


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## counterintuitive (Apr 8, 2011)

I think this is pretty much normal too.


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## Shrodingers drink (Nov 30, 2018)

Anyone with a Sx instinct is seeking connection I would think. The notion using someone for pleasure never sat well with me either.


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## Aarya (Mar 29, 2016)

Ock said:


> Its like I've been rather criticized before because I've passed up opportunities to f*** some random woman's brains out. I've even been criticized for not even trying to get to know some women. Anyways, my point is why am I considered "weird" because I don't jump at any chance to f*** or date?


From who? Were those people important to you? I heard from someone they thought I was lesbian, which was eh, wrong. Or that I never did x thing, which I did. Or they guessed my circumstances completely wrong. Or my family circumstances. Or my motivations in y role. Point is, people are not the gurus or inborn psychologists they think they sometimes are, and all it takes is a little knowledge of human nature to know how to completely fool some, not because you really want to, but because they're so open to buying anything as long as it has a bit of drama in it.

So, about those that thought you missed something juicy, I think they were thinking they missed something juicy if they were you, and were thinking less about your feelings. I think it takes insightful friends to support you when you need either a fling either a long-term, instead of thinking you should first satisfy the shallow needs in all case-scenarios. If you surrounded yourself with that sort of people though, that tells a little about you and perhaps that you would like to give it a shot.

I've been told to just get in a relationship for the sake of being in one or starting my sexual life since I was... what... 14? Did I do it? No, because that was them, and oh I'm proud, because I do what I feel like and want, with my own body... though some things do have their time and place. Hang in there though, you're not the only one who thinks about the emotional (how about mental-rational) connection first... we still exist and grew to dislike the use and throw away culture because we've seen more bad effects than good . Some people just like stability and familiarity, we're creatures of habit and that makes us happy. I don't even believe in breaking up entirely/all contact with people who you love/d, I think it's awful, unless it's naturally mutual a it became uninteresting, or unless something objectively bad happened (lie, cheat, disease, accident, shaming/aggression, etc...).


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Ock said:


> to a woman before I f*** her? I'm not even demisexual. I have sexual fantasies about women I have no connection to sometimes. But I always draw a line, or more like build a huge impenetrable wall between meaningless sexual fantasies and reality. Its like I've been rather criticized before because I've passed up opportunities to f*** some random woman's brains out. I've even been criticized for not even trying to get to know some women. Well whether they're physically sexy or not, I have no basis to think I wanna get to know them. They're just another random woman that Idk, and the likelihood of something worthwhile happening between us is almost non-existent. Few women would give me a chance because of my circumstances, but almost all women don't have enough to offer me as well on an emotional level to even try to stress about reeling her in. I know I have an ldr gf now, but this is still exactly how I felt before I met her, and its exactly how I'll feel if something happens to her or us. Anyways, my point is why am I considered "weird" because I don't jump at any chance to f*** or date?


What makes you think that's in any way odd? I rather think most woman would greatly appreciate that.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

tanstaafl28 said:


> What makes you think that's in any way odd? I rather think most woman would greatly appreciate that.


Maybe. But a lot of stupid men seem to think its "weird" and it makes me "weak" . Idk. Been drinking.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

Ock said:


> But a lot of stupid men seem to think its "weird" and it makes me "weak" .


don't try to date those men. easy.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

SgtPepper said:


> don't try to date those men. easy.


teehee Are you calling me an F'n ****!? harhar


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