# What does an INFJ Woman need from her man?



## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

I want to know what an INFJ woman wants from her man for the perfect evening, start to finish. Assumptions: they are married, on a budget, but otherwise what is needed? Describe the perfect evening that you could possibly expect from/with your perfect husband. 
Digger


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

The most important thing for me is to just spend quality time with my partner. So anything he plans, thoughtfully and lovingly, will be greatly appreciated. It would be great if he took my interests, hobbies into account. Budget-consciousness is important, and I prefer simplicity so I am going to describe a perfect evening keeping this in mind:

I would enjoy something like a poetry reading/poetry jam in some cozy cafe somewhere [can be substituted with tickets to a play and this doesn't have to be expensive/ even a movie, but I am feeling poetry right now and find it quite romantic], followed by a walk in a beautiful park because I find greenery/nature in general very calming and soothing, followed by dinner at a restaurant of our choice or my choice if it's different from his/our collective choice. I would end this with a walk along the beach, if there is one near by. I know it all sounds very conventional so far, and there's lots of walking which I tend to enjoy.This can be eliminated and substituted with something your partner enjoys. I am also a huge fan of swimming in the moonlight, camping trips etc. I just prefer one-on-one interactions and peaceful/solitary settings, and I think most INFJ women have similar preferences.

I hope this is helpful. 
All the best!


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## Tuttle (Oct 30, 2009)

Not an INFJ female, but I'd say a clean/tidy house. At times, it's difficult to get my INFJ husband to switch out of his "There's still things to do on my to-do list!" mode and get him to enjoy our evening.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*Clean and Tidy House?*

Tuttle:
For me it is noise, for my wife it is clutter. I like it quiet, and she likes it neat and tidy. Point taken, however. 
Digger


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*Romantic Evening*



hazelwitch said:


> The most important thing for me is to just spend quality time with my partner. So anything he plans, thoughtfully and lovingly, will be greatly appreciated. It would be great if he took my interests, hobbies into account. Budget-consciousness is important, and I prefer simplicity so I am going to describe a perfect evening keeping this in mind:
> 
> I would enjoy something like a poetry reading/poetry jam in some cozy cafe somewhere [can be substituted with tickets to a play and this doesn't have to be expensive/ even a movie, but I am feeling poetry right now and find it quite romantic], followed by a walk in a beautiful park because I find greenery/nature in general very calming and soothing, followed by dinner at a restaurant of our choice or my choice if it's different from his/our collective choice. I would end this with a walk along the beach, if there is one near by. I know it all sounds very conventional so far, and there's lots of walking which I tend to enjoy.This can be eliminated and substituted with something your partner enjoys. I am also a huge fan of swimming in the moonlight, camping trips etc. I just prefer one-on-one interactions and peaceful/solitary settings, and I think most INFJ women have similar preferences.
> 
> ...



Hazel:
This was very helpful. I do remember one time when she and I went with out Labrador for a walk through the snow. It was a memorable day. Cold always means you have to warm up afterwards, but there is hot chocolate for that!
Thanks!
Digger:happy:


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*Rummy cube?*

Maybe a good game of Rummy Cube is a good winter evening event after all. 
I don't have to let her win, we are a good match on that game.
Digger


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Digger Blue said:


> Hazel:
> This was very helpful. I do remember one time when she and I went with out Labrador for a walk through the snow. It was a memorable day. Cold always means you have to warm up afterwards, but there is hot chocolate for that!
> Thanks!
> Digger:happy:


That sounds like a perfect evening to me. Oh, how I wish, I could do this with my bf. We just need lots of snow and a lovely Labrador. That is so romantic and so beautiful! and there's always hot chocolate to make things warmer and cozier. I am happy to hear that you shared such wonderful moments with your wife. Simplicity, love, togetherness... just so heart-warming.

You're most welcome! sir

*Edit:* I just read that you went without/ 'with our' Labrador. I misread that section. Hence the confusion and the funny message on your page, Digger.
Sorry:blushed:


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## UncertainSomething (Feb 17, 2010)

Just show you love her while doing something she might enjoy, its important to be true to how you feel, no trying to hard or planning unless you think it makes it easier for you to show your love. INFJs value genuine expressions of love very highly no need for expense or impressing, just show how you really feel about her


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Uncertain:
I really appreciated your response. It makes good sense. I appreciate getting this advice from an INFJ woman. 
Sincerely,
Digger


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

This:
Bigger Is Better In Bed - Television Tropes & Idioms
That and compassion, a height of 6'0" or greater, humor, and humanity.


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## angelictroublemaker (Jun 6, 2009)

Wow, what a question! I've been waiting my whole life for someone to ask. :crazy:

As hazelwitch says, quality time is the key. I hate feeling rushed or feeling like I'm on somebody's schedule and only have a small slot. After quality time, touch is valued muchly...from the gentle, snuggle type to the other kind! :blushed: So some possibilities:

*Put a tent up indoors, put some music on surround sound, get lots of finger food, then make her a fire and melt marshmallows. Afterwards, lie back to the sound of the music and just soak in the ambience and each other's presence. You could also bring board games... Then some nice milk and honey before bedtime.

*Go on a long hike through beautiful surroundings, just time to walk and talk, take a nice thermos of tea or mulled wine and other nice food things for the journey. End with a moonlight swim and cozy camping and lying beneath the stars.

*Row down the river in a boat ans take a picnic for the pit stop.

*Opera, an indie/foreign film or a abstract art/sculpture exhibition...oh or a poetry reading, followed by lunch at a quirky coffee shop. If too expensive, try the DIY approach and bring any/allo ft he aboe to the living room. I would love to sit there all night and listen to someone read poetry or children's stories.

There's a starter for 10. I guess overriding themes are - if you have put lots of thought/effort/prep into it, it will be most appreciated. Tailor to her unique personality and interests. Be simple. Include natural beauty. Touch. Spend time. 

We're really not fussy in an expensive tastes sort of way!


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

I have a healthy 2.3", thank you, I am approximately 10" tall when lying down (that is what we are talking about, right?) My compassion and humanity are constantly question (Par for the course of an ESFP male), and my humor is off the wall. Does this make me a Romantic Reprobate?


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## s0n1c800m (Dec 6, 2010)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> This:
> Bigger Is Better In Bed - Television Tropes & Idioms


No.
Don't make us all out to be size queens, thanks.


> That and compassion, a height of 6'0" or greater, humor, and humanity.


Yes.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

AngelicTrouble:

Really appreciate your taking the time to give me your insights into this. Well, I have been doing some things right. She is on her feet all day in the workforce, and she likes my foot rubs. 

I did not understand this: "any/allo ft he aboe"

You said milk and honey. Do you put the honey in the milk? or are you referring to honey on toast served with a glass of milk. Just curious about what you are doing there. 
Thanks,
Digger


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Dear US,
Love your cat doing the tail spin!
Good advice. THanks!
Digger


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## angelictroublemaker (Jun 6, 2009)

Digger Blue said:


> AngelicTrouble:
> 
> Really appreciate your taking the time to give me your insights into this. Well, I have been doing some things right. She is on her feet all day in the workforce, and she likes my foot rubs.
> 
> ...


oops, i meant "any/all of the above"

Milk and honey? You just make hot milk (in microwave or on stove) and add a few teaspoonfuls of honey. very lovely comforting drink. :happy:


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

angelictroublemaker said:


> Wow, what a question! I've been waiting my whole life for someone to ask. :crazy:
> 
> As hazelwitch says, quality time is the key. I hate feeling rushed or feeling like I'm on somebody's schedule and only have a small slot. After quality time, touch is valued muchly...from the gentle, snuggle type to the other kind! :blushed: So some possibilities:
> 
> ...


Lovely ideas! Those are all things my bf and I can do. I wish I were more creative:laughing: This will benefit many others reading through the thread, as well. Touch is always great. I get concerned if I see a lot of prep/effort because it makes me cry inside. I have a tough time revealing emotions sometimes. Another idea would be a meal you have cooked for her after a tough day at work, followed by a foot massage or back massage, soaking in the hot tub etc, ending with poetry reading, music. Something very relaxing. If it's a weekend, then camping trips, picnic etc. work very well.


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## killerB (Jan 14, 2010)

As an INFJ, married and on a budget.....LOL


Perhaps a nice warm bath run for me when I get out of work. A candle lit so it smells good and the lights lower so I can relax. My loved one could bring me warmed towels to dry off with and a fluffy robe. I would like if my other would then have a candle lit picnic on the floor, lay out a nice blanket and just make some dip, a bottle of wine(does not have to be expensive) and a few snacks, or dinner if you are up to cooking. Then we could talk and cuddle and take things from there. Make sure the bed sheets and bedroom are clean and a candle or two are lit for ambiance. I am sure you can take it from there.......


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> This:
> 
> That and compassion, *a height of 6'0" or greater*, humor, and humanity.


The bolded part isn't necessary. I am 5 feet 3, and I would gladly date someone around my height. Men my height aren't very common, but I have dated men ranging from 5 feet 7 to 6 feet7. My current bf is 6 feet 7. Compassion, humour and humanity are indispensable, but height has never been a huge issue to me. Especially, because I am not tall. It would be ridiculous for me to reject men because their height is less than 6 feet. Marlon Brando, who happens to be my favourite actor and the most handsome man imaginable, in my opinion, was about 5 feet 9. I have seen many attractive men (I mean just physically here) who were below 6 feet in height, and some average lookers who were above 6 feet tall.


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## bengalcat (Dec 8, 2010)

angelictroublemaker, killerB and hazelwitch have done well in drawing clear pictures of setting, feel and activity. It all sounds very cosy, warm, feely and sensual. 

The 2c I have to add is whatever the accoutrements, the perfect evening for me and what I need from my man is about being close, lots of touch, eye contact, having lots of time and paying lots of attention to each other. No distractions from a computer, phone, chore that needs to be done or list that needs to be written.

Lying against the dunes of a deserted beach in the middle of the night, watching the stars lying side by side sounds romantic no? It wasn't because we were literally just side by side, with him staring straight up at the sky silent, apparently barely aware I was next to him. We were like literally doing the activity of watching stars. On another night-time romance-fail I took him to a clearing by the river to have homemade real chocolate hot chocolate together, sitting on a fallen tree trunk. He thanked me for the chocolate, said it was good, sat a while huddled with me, then proceeded to get distracted by stones and various physical aspects of the landscape at that time. ................ I loved my ISTJ ex but he really had no feel for the romantic. These moments made me feel sad and alone. 

Whatever magical world you create, the most important part is your presence, your engagement, your demonstrated affection and devotion to her.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*That night*

Dear Bengalcat,
I am so glad I put this question out there. The replies I have gotten have been so enlightening. 
For your ex, I can empathize because the S bombards us (I am ESFP) with all kinds of input. I'm sure your ex meant well by his comments on the landscape, and his tossing stones, etc. You had him relaxed. Throw in the P, and I'm pretty worthless unless something really needs to be done. If I put the needs of my wife in that front seat of the Needs list, she might have a chance. 

I know people who have been married many times. The MBTI interest in me wonders with sadness, but not condemnation about those people. It is like they don't understand their own needs. On the other hand, how does one make such a big decision, and with so little wisdom when it must be done (of course people know everything at the age of 18, so I guess that is not an issue, huh?). 

I waited and still made a mess of things with some really challenging dissonances between my ESFP and her INFJ. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes (but sometimes I wonder) :laughing:. 

Regards,
Digger


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

Angelictroublemaker:

I see trouble is inherent in you.

Don't stutter when you type! What were you on when you tried to type that sentence, anyway?

Thanks for the interpretation.

Lots of laughs, 
Digger


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*Romance*

A recurring theme seems to be candle light. My wife (frequently) has a candle burning in the kitchen. I decided to move it into the living room and placed it on the VHS player. That wound up with wax all over the VHS player. Lucky for both of us that neither of us considered it a big deal. That could have ruined the moment for us. It was a nonevent. 
Next time I'll put a plate under the candle. Some things are just hard to predict. 
Regards,
Digger


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## bengalcat (Dec 8, 2010)

Yeah, I know he couldn't really help it. I don't blame him for being that way, but that makes me feel sadder. It's a tragedy that is no one's fault, we both talked and worked on this for quite a while. It's like for the majority of our relationship I had to live with the intellectual understanding that he loved me, and he too would get frustrated that he couldn't communicate what he felt inside. 

I admire that you put in the effort to understand and work with your differences. I hope this special evening goes smashingly well :happy:

[Btw, an ISTJ would have been able to predict that candle mishap :wink:]


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*Predicting the Candle Mishap!*



bengalcat said:


> Yeah, I know he couldn't really help it. I don't blame him for being that way, but that makes me feel sadder. It's a tragedy that is no one's fault, we both talked and worked on this for quite a while. It's like for the majority of our relationship I had to live with the intellectual understanding that he loved me, and he too would get frustrated that he couldn't communicate what he felt inside.
> 
> I admire that you put in the effort to understand and work with your differences. I hope this special evening goes smashingly well :happy:
> 
> [Btw, an ISTJ would have been able to predict that candle mishap :wink:]



You may be right, B-Kitty. The spill happened when I was not involved with the performance. Had I been watching a video with the candle balanced on my head, I'd not have spilled a drop of wax. ESFP, the Performer!

I used to shoot hoops on rollerskates, but gave it up when there was no audience. 

Digger


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## LiteratureNerd (Nov 14, 2010)

I know I get that warm fuzzy feeling whenever my SO cooks for me. He's a Memphis man, fantastic cook, and when I went to visit him one day, I walked into his house to find (and smell - yum!) that he had been up half the night making real Memphis barbecue to surprise me! 

Which explained why the day before he kept saying, "I'm doing something right now, but I'm not telling you what it is. So there." 

I must've eaten about 9000 calories that day, but it was wonderful and so worth it! And I thought it was really sweet of him. He even bought me my favorite beer to go with it. :happy:

As an INFJ woman, I have to say, my guy cooking for me is one of the sweetest gestures.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

*An SO with Nice Ribs (Plus a Six Pack!)*



LiteratureNerd said:


> I know I get that warm fuzzy feeling whenever my SO cooks for me. He's a Memphis man, fantastic cook, and when I went to visit him one day, I walked into his house to find (and smell - yum!) that he had been up half the night making real Memphis barbecue to surprise me!
> 
> Which explained why the day before he kept saying, "I'm doing something right now, but I'm not telling you what it is. So there."
> 
> ...


Great Response! So, the Rendevous is not the only place in Memphis where one can get nice ribs. That was a very thoughtful thing to do. Thanks for the story.
Digger Blue:wink:


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

LiteratureNerd said:


> I know I get that warm fuzzy feeling whenever my SO cooks for me. He's a Memphis man, fantastic cook, and when I went to visit him one day, I walked into his house to find (and smell - yum!) that he had been up half the night making real Memphis barbecue to surprise me!
> 
> Which explained why the day before he kept saying, "I'm doing something right now, but I'm not telling you what it is. So there."
> 
> ...


As an INFJ woman who finds cooking and sharing food a loving and sensual act, especially with a lover, I have to say that I adore your story. I would have eaten about the same amount of calories and relished every bit! I cook well and know how much effort it takes, so I feel loved when my bf cooks something special for me. It does feel great.


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## LiteratureNerd (Nov 14, 2010)

Digger Blue, LOVED the subject heading for your response! It really was sweet of him - I still talk to him about those barebecue baked beans he'd made. yum! And you're right, hazel - we're both foodies who love to cook, and making/sharing food together is one of our favorite things to do. It makes you feel special to have someone cook for you like that, but I think I love it even more when we cook together. Just the whole experience of it - deciding what to make, making the grocery list, heading to the store to pick things out together, preparing the food, and of course eating it. It's just a really fun thing to do together. Sometimes I'll surprise him by sneaking some fresh pineapple into the cart when he's not looking (he loves the stuff) to have for dessert later.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

LiteratureNerd said:


> Digger Blue, LOVED the subject heading for your response! It really was sweet of him - I still talk to him about those barebecue baked beans he'd made. yum! And you're right, hazel - we're both foodies who love to cook, and making/sharing food together is one of our favorite things to do. It makes you feel special to have someone cook for you like that, but I think I love it even more when we cook together. Just the whole experience of it - deciding what to make, making the grocery list, heading to the store to pick things out together, preparing the food, and of course eating it. It's just a really fun thing to do together. *Sometimes I'll surprise him by sneaking some fresh pineapple into the cart when he's not looking (he loves the stuff) to have for dessert later. *


I agree with you. The process is what's exciting and a great bonding experience. Picking the veggies, spices, fresh fish, fruits, cheese, just feeling the foods and sharing the moment with someone you love is where so much of the fun lies. I love cooking with my partner. He isn't the greatest cook around, but he puts in so much effort and that focused look on his face is just so endearing to me. I eat whatever he cooks, no matter how creepy it may look at first glance. It actually is a lot tastier than it appears. The work and love he puts into it, though cooking isn't his forte, are what mean so much to me. 

The pineapple part is so cute! I do something similar, at times. He is so tall! I can just sneak around him and throw in stuff he likes without him noticing:laughing:, with the subsequent, all-smiles "when did you get this, baby?" reaction of his that I love!


P.S. Digger has serious talent! when it comes to many things, but I've been noticing the ultra awesome post titles lately!


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## snowwhisper (Nov 18, 2010)

Digger Blue said:


> I want to know what an INFJ woman wants from her man for the perfect evening, start to finish. Assumptions: they are married, on a budget, but otherwise what is needed? Describe the perfect evening that you could possibly expect from/with your perfect husband.
> Digger


I'm an INFx. I would love it if my husband made my supper for me (we eat completely different diets and I make two separate lunches and dinners for us both daily), as well as his own, lit some candles, put on some classical music, and cleaned up after supper. Following our romantic meal, we would either snuggle, do a musical duet (my husband plays guitar and I sing), go for a long walk, or watch a movie together. On rare occasion, if either us feels like going out somewhere, (we're both introverted homebodies), good choices are bookstores, museums, art shows, and nature activities.


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## Life.Is.A.Game (Nov 5, 2010)

Hmm. When I read the title of this thread I was thinking of something else completely. The question is , what does an INFJ woman "NEED" from her man, and I see most responses are pretty much what the women "would like" more then NEED, my opinion. Either I've had some crappy relationships or you girls have really high hopes for those wonderful men. I personally never had any of those things mentioned, and I got so used to it that now I'd be ok if my husband made plans to take me ANYWHERE really lol. 

I don't need much from a relationship. I don't "need" anything really, but there are things I would like. First off, I'd like my guy to be responsible financially, even if he's not making money, I'd like to see that he's trying to find some work. I am very touch feely, cuddly, sensual, sexual etc...and i married the opposite of that so...any effort made on his part to not reject me would be nice. I am pretty realistic for an INFJ, maybe cuz I had some pretty bad relationships and I also think everything happens for a reason, so I try to accept my significant other just the way he is as long as I feel that he loves me, in his own way. No one loves the same way I don't think. Or I should say no one shows love in the same way. But, I'm pretty secure with myself so I don't need much from anyone else, I'm the giver in my relationships and as long as I'm appreciated for doing so much (which i never am but whatever), then i'm a happy camper.


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## Digger Blue (Dec 1, 2010)

I found your comments incredibly significant. Interestingly, I'm the male ESFP, and I am the touchy, feely, snuggler. I have learned a whole lot over the years, learning what I can expect from my wife is critical to my being happy. I cannot change her, only me and my attitude. 
Digger Blue:happy:


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