# i feel ugly and i hate myself right now



## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

does anyone else hate seeing themselves in the mirror?sometimes I feel worse than other times.right now i dont want to look in the mirror or even think of my physical appearance.I feel like I repulse people ,and that im alone because of my physical appearances.People say that you must learn to love yourself as you are,well how can I if I just experience constant rejection and neglect?this is bother me a lot and i need to vent.how do other NF feel about this ?what can I do to help myself overcome this?


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## catchyusername (May 5, 2013)

I'm not a doctor but you are most likely suffering from some kind of depression seeing a psychologist would be the best thing to do, if depression goes untreated it will progressively get worse in time.


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## catchyusername (May 5, 2013)

Or try improving what you dislike about yourself.


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## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

Eh,
I used too,
And sometimes I still do,
But what does it matter?
If you really are ugly,
Then just b happy if someone goes for you,
They go for you,
And not for a perception of you haha!

But I doubt you are ugly,
We all look uglier in that random mirror on the street,
Or that photo with friends,
It's usually us just crushing ourselves and projecting self conceived perceptions!


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## Sai (Sep 3, 2012)

something like this?


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## snfuse (May 5, 2013)

Some of the not traditionally attractive people I know are the friendliest, warmest people ever. So I think they're super sexy. Douchebag people who are deemed beautiful by society and know it are some times too arrogant for words. Cultivate the things you like about yourself and others have expressed interest in. Beauty is only skin deep and won't last forever, but if it really worries you just take good care of your skin and hygiene and you'll be set.


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## rawrmosher (Apr 22, 2013)

Focus on the things you like about your appearance, and start pointing then out to yourself =) is it your hair, your fashion sense, any aspect of your face?  

we all have one face, and we have to WORK WITH IT. Keep good personal hygeine and keep that amazing creative, warm, loving personality all we NF's have, and you'll find the right person for you =)


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know, its just some hackneyed platitude but it really is true.. because no matter what you look like, theres a taste for it somewhere. Don't compare yourself to society's generic standard; thats whats really ugly, because its got no character and its not real.. theres no beauty in that bullshit.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Dr.Horrible said:


> does anyone else hate seeing themselves in the mirror?sometimes I feel worse than other times.right now i dont want to look in the mirror or even think of my physical appearance.I feel like I repulse people ,and that im alone because of my physical appearances.People say that you must learn to love yourself as you are,well how can I if I just experience constant rejection and neglect?this is bother me a lot and i need to vent.how do other NF feel about this ?what can I do to help myself overcome this?


When I loathed my appearance and couldn't do anything about it, I just stopped looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible and tried to pour my energy into things I cared about so that I wouldn't have to think about it. yes, it's a coping mechanism; but yes, it also works, and in the meanwhile doing things I love and having people treat me "normally" regardless of my own views of my own appearance would reaffirm that I was okay even if I hated how I looked. 

As far as being alone, there are many reasons someone might be alone, and some are out of people's control. I'm alone right now, and sometimes get down about it and wonder if I'll ever find anyone; but I know I need to be living my life in a way that leaves me feeling like I'm accomplishing something or I'll be miserable. So that is what I focus on.


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## peabrane (Nov 1, 2009)

What exactly is it that you dislike? And what do you mean by "neglect"? I wouldn't say that looks don't matter, but attractiveness is as much about how you carry yourself, how you speak, what you wear, how your hair is styled, etc. as it is about your features. And while you may not be able to do much to change the latter (unless you want to go for cosmetic surgery (which can be a decent option too as long as you don't go overboard)), there is plenty you could do with the former. 

And of course self-esteem can be a huge thing too - I have no idea how you look, so I won't say that I'm sure you're wrong, but I do know quite a few people who I think are good looking who hate the way they look. Though if it bothers you to the point of depression and you can't change your mindset on your own, you should probably see a therapist.


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## Pom87 (Apr 7, 2012)

What people mean when they say that you have to love yourself, is that you have to masturbate to yourself while looking in the mirror. Love yourself. Do it.


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## sky2evan (Apr 3, 2013)

For many women (at least after high school), looks aren't always the main priority - it's something else (or multiple other things) about you that's not attracting them. Qualities such as confidence, humor, "coolness", warmth, kindness, intelligence, athleticism, wealth, good taste, rebelliousness, craziness, individuality, are also attractive to different women. 

So you either:
1) don't significantly excel at 1 or more critical attractive qualities, or 
2) are overweighted in undesirable qualities (insecurity, low self-confidence/esteem, neediness, purposelessness, etc). 

It's OK not to accept & love yourself - that's hard if no one else in the world does. Besides, the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over & over but expecting different results. Clearly something has to change - you. Neither the world nor women will change to love you.

One option is to develop attractive qualities & reduce unattractive ones. However, you would be doing this for the sake of attracting women, which will affect your sincerity & expectations, & thus your results. If you try this way & fail in "getting the girl you want", you will feel more frustration, discouragement, & hopelessness.

I recommend going straight to abandoning all hope. Imagine that no woman will ever love you. Ever. 

What kind of man would you then want to be? What would be the purpose of your life? Your life purpose in relation to the world? What kind of life would you live & how would you fulfill it? _No matter how crazy it is (the crazier the better, actually), do whatever it takes to go be that man, traveling in that direction, & living such a life._

After awhile, a man who lived like this would not be needy, but secure in their purpose, deriving strength & self-confidence/esteem from themselves & their direction in life. Undesirable qualities would diminish & attractive ones increase - which ones would depend on your life direction. It doesn't matter. Eventually, there will be women who are attracted to the direction you are traveling in, to the man that you are becoming. 

You don't need therapy. You need to "be a man" and figure out what you want to Be & Do in this life & world. 

best wishes


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## BirchRoots (May 7, 2013)

sky2evan said:


> For many women (at least after high school), looks aren't always the main priority - it's something else (or multiple other things) about you that's not attracting them. Qualities such as confidence, humor, "coolness", warmth, kindness, intelligence, athleticism, wealth, good taste, rebelliousness, craziness, individuality, are also attractive to different women.
> 
> So you either:
> 1) don't significantly excel at 1 or more critical attractive qualities, or
> ...


Word.


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

Promethea said:


> Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know, its just some hackneyed platitude but it really is true.. because no matter what you look like, theres a taste for it somewhere. Don't compare yourself to society's generic standard; thats whats really ugly, because its got no character and its not real.. theres no beauty in that bullshit.


 I agree with what you said!

OP, people who are only attracted to your looks aren't genuinely accepting you. You have to look for people who will accept your personality and you as a person, and not only your appearance.


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## Mr.Blayz (Nov 20, 2012)

Dr.Horrible said:


> does anyone else hate seeing themselves in the mirror?sometimes I feel worse than other times.right now i dont want to look in the mirror or even think of my physical appearance.I feel like I repulse people ,and that im alone because of my physical appearances.People say that you must learn to love yourself as you are,well how can I if I just experience constant rejection and neglect?this is bother me a lot and i need to vent.how do other NF feel about this ?what can I do to help myself overcome this?


 dude idk if you are ugly, but you have the benifit of being a dude, dude. all you need for the ladies is to work out, dress nice, be more confident, and if youre a kid you might need to grin and bare it for a little while but as an adult power and success in a male also adds up to something, if you are at the stage in life where your girl piers care about how you look i would focus on being one of the cooler ugly people, a funny ugly, lastly ugly people seem to think other ugly people are hot without even knowing, so some ladies might be out of your league and others might be in your range but you dont even know it, and smarter girls care mostly about personality. dude as long as you play it cool you can have almost any girl you want







^ voted best looking girl in my highschool senior year, with ugly but cool dude
im also an ugly but cool dude, lifes pretty good
life pretty much adds up to, your only as cool as you perceive yourself to be, there will always be people that like you and hate you, confidence makes people think youre already popular, because confidence is a cool person trait, let go live your life without thinking of other people


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## userslon (Jan 29, 2013)

Take the control out of other people's hands and put in into yours. Make up your own standards of ugly and pretty. Tomorrow is the 18th? Make is a day dedicated to you! Take yourself out to a restaurant and afterwards buy yourself something really cool that costs a lot of money. Remind yourself that even though no one else thinks so, You still are your biggest supported. I got through the hardest times doing this to myself. I would purposefully go to a restaurant alone with a book and show to everyone that I am taking me out. Me is special and me is important and me is liked by me :kitteh:

Soon after, people will treat you how you treat you. Good luck!!! and don't ask permission to treat yourself.


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

userslon said:


> Take the control out of other people's hands and put in into yours. Make up your own standards of ugly and pretty. Tomorrow is the 18th? Make is a day dedicated to you! Take yourself out to a restaurant and afterwards buy yourself something really cool that costs a lot of money. Remind yourself that even though no one else thinks so, You still are your biggest supported. I got through the hardest times doing this to myself. I would purposefully go to a restaurant alone with a book and show to everyone that I am taking me out. Me is special and me is important and me is liked by me :kitteh:
> 
> Soon after, people will treat you how you treat you. Good luck!!! and don't ask permission to treat yourself.


lol im renting a limo and arriving at work in it


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## bananatree (Jan 30, 2013)

Ahhh don't feel bad  *hug*

I feel like that too sometimes. I think everybody does, don't worry about it. What I do to make myself feel better is I do something that I like doing, like reading a good book or going on the Internet. Then when you feel better (as you will, you'll see!), try to set up a plan for yourself to follow to improve your appearance. Start with only thing, to not get overwhelmed. 

If you're not naturally good at knowing how to have a nice style (like me, it wasn't natural, I learned it with time), or how to work out, or how you should cut your hair, etc., don't be afraid to use the Internet! There are loads of resources out there! Don't limit yourself to websites that give out obvious advice, like msn, yahoo, etc. Look for advice that comes directly from people that have succeeded in getting a good body image of themselves. 

_Suggestion of a place to start:_ If you dislike your physical appearance, maybe there is a weight issue (overweight or underweight)? Perhaps some health issues, unhealthy skin, etc.? Take a look at Underground Wellness, great podcasts and a health information goldmine. If you have problems in social settings, why don't you try googling "manosphere" (lame name, I know, but some of the blogs give out good fashion advice, advice on getting better self-confidence, etc.).

Make being the best version of you your project!

Hope this helped xxx


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## olafolaf (Jun 28, 2011)

Dr.Horrible said:


> does anyone else hate seeing themselves in the mirror?sometimes I feel worse than other times.right now i dont want to look in the mirror or even think of my physical appearance.I feel like I repulse people ,and that im alone because of my physical appearances.People say that you must learn to love yourself as you are,well how can I if I just experience constant rejection and neglect?this is bother me a lot and i need to vent.how do other NF feel about this ?what can I do to help myself overcome this?


Watch a comedy or listen to something funny, get lightened up. Now see those gleaming eyes and lingering signs of your smiles on the face: Gosh, that guy is likeable! Looks are just looks. Emotions transcend everything.


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## austin_music (May 8, 2013)

I think this video would take your perspective change. WE all do. Stop being insecure and focus on what makes you happy and the people that thinks you're awesome.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

catchyusername said:


> Or try improving what you dislike about yourself.


this.


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## INFJane (Apr 6, 2011)

Mzansi said:


> Eh,
> I used too,
> And sometimes I still do,
> But what does it matter?
> ...


your signature rocks my world


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## olafolaf (Jun 28, 2011)

I hate neon lights!


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## ENFyay (Apr 5, 2013)

Man I know your pain... that sounds so much like me, I also have developed some sort of mirror-phobia after a few rejections.
My best friends which I discuss it with always try to tell me I'm looking pretty good and I've got nothing to worry about but to me it just seems like courtesy..

I know exactly where the mirrors or other reflective materials are located at my school, friends houses, dentist even and I try to keep them out of my sight at all times.. I even kinda stopped going to the gym because theres mirrors EVERYWHERE.

There's times when I'm just curious what I look like because I haven't looked into the mirror for weeks and I can end up feeling pretty bad.

The worst times are the times at which you look into a mirror and theres a really bright light exactly above your head, which highlights EVERY SINGLE unevenness on your face..


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

ENFyay said:


> Man I know your pain... that sounds so much like me, I also have developed some sort of mirror-phobia after a few rejections.
> My best friends which I discuss it with always try to tell me I'm looking pretty good and I've got nothing to worry about but to me it just seems like courtesy..
> 
> I know exactly where the mirrors or other reflective materials are located at my school, friends houses, dentist even and I try to keep them out of my sight at all times.. I even kinda stopped going to the gym because theres mirrors EVERYWHERE.
> ...


yeah.im also paranoid of people staring at me


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## mireya (Nov 19, 2012)

I feel like that all the time, you're not alone. It's true that trying to improve your looks can make you feel better, but for me it eventually became an obsession... Maybe you should try to focus on other things. It's really hard to try to not think about something, but if you are really focused on something else you don't even have time to think about how you look. It has worked for me : )
Plus, try face yoga. You will probably feel absolutely ridiculous while you're doing it, but it works! These exercises don't significantly change your features, but they make your face more toned.


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## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

INFJane said:


> your signature rocks my world


Hahaha thank you 
I do try my best :3 xD


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## niffer (Dec 28, 2011)

Heh looks like you've got a series of these threads already.

I'm glad you're taking the first step, which is acknowledging that you have these feelings and that they are an issue. You're even reaching out about it. That's really great.

People have commented on trying to change how you look. While that is something that you can definitely do to some extent, that will not solve the underlying problem, which is that you feel insecure and inferior. And if you get accustomed to feeling this way, no amount of external change will help. You must realize that there are tons of other people who you probably think are attractive who feel the same way as you do, and tons of people who changed themselves to become "more attractive" and still feel the same way, even after "fixing" the "problem". Often times people feel worse afterwards. Just look at anorexic girls who starve themselves and succeed--they end up feeling even worse about themselves afterwards.

Why?

It's because indulging in negative self-talk FEEDS that negative self-image. If you try and fix yourself as if you are broken, then you will begin to view yourself as fundamentally broken at the core and needing to be fixed, but at the core it cannot be fixed when you see yourself as forever broken--it becomes unfixable. It grows and takes over the way you see your identity. 

This is why I would recommend trying to garner a more healthy self-image before you go and attempt to change anything external. Realize that you are beautiful and you are truly beautiful in the eyes of others who love you. It sounds like a cliche, but it is really true. Realize that looks aren't all that important, even when faced with more judgmental people. You have so much more to show the world than how you look on the surface, or how many friends like your stuff on Facebook. You are a full, complete, complex PERSON, and anyone who doesn't recognize that is an utter ASSHOLE, one who is naive and understands nothing about the real world. You are worth MORE than any hurtful judgments that these minority could give in the worst case scenario, and this will especially become the case if you believe in it.


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## Shapaha (May 11, 2013)

niffer said:


> Heh looks like you've got a series of these threads already.
> 
> I'm glad you're taking the first step, which is acknowledging that you have these feelings and that they are an issue. You're even reaching out about it. That's really great.
> 
> ...


 @Dr.Horrible

And if none of what she said works for you, remember...

Pizza is always the answer.


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## MelBel (May 25, 2013)

Maybe if you are feeling this way due to being too inside your head, maybe be more active, and distract yourself from minutia. I've heard it advised that when you feel negative about yourself, getting out there, seeing a need, filling a need can help you to change your view of yourself. Helping others takes our attention off ourseves, yet managed to bring good attention onto ourselves, as a bonus, not the goal. Validation can makes us feel good about ourselves in th ways that matter most. I hope this helps :happy:


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

What I would do is to stop looking at the mirror once I step out of the house. Out of sight and out of mind as people would say. Only peek once in a while to adjust my hair or shirt, but never spend too much time at the mirror until that thought of inadequacy starts to creep into me. Sometimes, it's not about beauty but more towards hygiene. If you feel refreshed, you start to be comfortable in your environment. Being sweaty, frizzy haired and having chapped lips does affect one's mood. I live in a really humid country so it happens after spending a long day out of doors. Therefore I bring a clean towel, perhaps cleansing lotions or lip gloss everywhere I go. Anyway, these are the things I would do to cope with it. Then I can focus on what I want to do.


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