# ESFP girl I nanny HATES doing homework



## WindowLicker (Aug 3, 2010)

Shes in 2nd grade and I've been watching her since she was in 1st grade after school. Part of my job is to help her with homework, however she sometimes doesn't like to read or sound out words, and will hold her breath and start crying if something is challenging her. The other day I tried to teach her how to count by tens with her fiingers to figure out her math problems and she wouldn't even look up from the table she just kept saying "I can't" and cried. A lot of times when the dad (ENTP) helps her he's very abrasive and threatens to sell her stuff if she doesn't do her homework and then she starts crying while shes working. Its actually kind of horrible to watch, but I am trying to show him that she doesn't need to be threatened to do her homework. Unfortunately thats the only thing that works. She is smart, has private tutors and stuff, however she lacks patience. What are some ways I can condition her to be more logical with her math homework, be patient, and happy to be challenged. When I was younger I was in gifted math and I'm only trying to teach her the simplest way to do math without all that bs and she just doesn't care that is easier. 
I've come up with some solutions I think might work. They're theoretical though. 
1. Some type of reward for completing a question that will motivate her. Like pushing a button that makes a noise, or getting a point that will go towards something. 
2. Take away her homework. Also take away privelages that go along with completing homework. 
3. Sit there while she cries and say nothing until she starts to work on her own. Transfering control of the assignment to her. 
Will this work on an ESFP? She likes art, princesses, and can actually use the printer to print out her art, so I know that she can be technical when theres a materialistic reward. Any other suggestions?


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Hi, as some one who fucking hated math and was punished for being bad at it, I suggest you make it fun. Use flash cards. Rent videos from the library. Give her positive reinforcement instead of punishment.

How would you like it if someone screams at you or takes away your priveleges because you can't tap dance, sing or do a cartwheel.

Because that's how she feels, and math is necessary isn't a good argument to give a seven year old with inferior Ni who doesn't give two shits about a future that may never happen.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

There is a school of thought that suggests that people have different learning styles - visual, auditory, kinaesthetic. The problem is that maths is very much a visual subject. It's quite hard to teach even kinaesthetically at a young age. 

I would suggest as @fourtines implied, try making it a game (I dont know what second grade is - six, or seven?) of some kind. It depends what you're teaching, of course. Unfortunately that's hard with maths - but a lot easier with other subjects.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

If her dad didn't sound like such a jerk, I would suggest the Sudbury model of education, or Unschooling, which would remove the whole challenge of forcing her to "learn" things she isn't interested in yet. If she is crying and being threatened every time she has to do math homework, all that is being accomplished is that she is learning to associate education with negative feelings and punishment. Even if she does the homework, nothing she learns is going to stick for long, because an actual interest is necessary for effective long-term learning. 

To this day, I can't remember a single date or battle from all of those boring history classes I passed with perfect grades, because I was just jumping through hoops to please the grown-ups, forgetting the tedious details as soon as the tests were over. I remember the things I cared about, like grammar and music. 

Teaching her math with worksheets or textbooks is probably going to be nearly impossible if she doesn't like it, and trying to force her to learn in a style that isn't compatible with her interests and abilities will almost certainly do more harm than good. Maybe she could learn about mathematical concepts indirectly and voluntarily through some other interest. There are ways of applying math to art, for example, and if you can figure out some really fascinating kind of art that requires it, she might even ask for help figuring it out, and learn it eagerly in order to accomplish her desired goal. 

If that doesn't work, perhaps you could make up some silly songs that incorporate the things she is trying to figure out. She could come up with dance moves for them.


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## phony (Nov 28, 2012)

Maybe she has ADD or something. Talk to her parents?

Also, isn't it really hard to type kids? You must be good at typing? Wanna type me?


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## Morpheus83 (Oct 17, 2008)

@phony

Or maybe a learning disability is a possibility. Not an easy issue to bring up, though--from what I've seen about some beliefs going around about disabilities, some parents might think you're calling the child 'dumb'. But then again, even if the child doesn't have a learning disability, I'll still go with the above suggestions. For some reason, some people think that after they find out the child doesn't have a learning disability, it's okay to act like jerks (because it means the child is intentionally being 'defiant' or is simply 'spoiled').


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## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

WindowLicker said:


> Shes in 2nd grade and I've been watching her since she was in 1st grade after school. Part of my job is to help her with homework, however she sometimes doesn't like to read or sound out words, and will hold her breath and start crying if something is challenging her. The other day I tried to teach her how to count by tens with her fiingers to figure out her math problems and she wouldn't even look up from the table she just kept saying "I can't" and cried. A lot of times when the dad (ENTP) helps her he's very abrasive and threatens to sell her stuff if she doesn't do her homework and then she starts crying while shes working. Its actually kind of horrible to watch, but I am trying to show him that she doesn't need to be threatened to do her homework. Unfortunately thats the only thing that works. She is smart, has private tutors and stuff, however she lacks patience. What are some ways I can condition her to be more logical with her math homework, be patient, and happy to be challenged. When I was younger I was in gifted math and I'm only trying to teach her the simplest way to do math without all that bs and she just doesn't care that is easier.
> I've come up with some solutions I think might work. They're theoretical though.
> 1. Some type of reward for completing a question that will motivate her. Like pushing a button that makes a noise, or getting a point that will go towards something.
> 2. Take away her homework. Also take away privelages that go along with completing homework.
> ...


I have a colleague who complains about the same thing with a few of her 2nd grade students as well. So we put these "slow" learners in one room together and she and I taught them using clapping. Clapping, singing and praising a lot for doing a sum well really helped.

Also, I think it's very cool that you're showing her tricks towards easier maths that she will probably take ages to figure out herself. Try and incorporate her dolls and stickers into it in some way.

Ask her to put one of her dolls or teddies in front of her and teach it the concept you've already tried teaching her. This is a technique that worked with me and some of my friends when I was little (my mother would tutor me, so I was less self conscious talking to a teddy bear, but give it a try?) 

There is this one really bright kid in my school who is six years old, and she likes to "teach" me the maths she's learnt, because I once told her, "I was terrible at this when I was your age!" and she replied with, "What??? This is SO SIMPLE!!"  That might work as well.

FWIW: I don't think this kid has a learning disorder. She sounds like a normal 7-year old who is lazy at a subject she dislikes and is probably too tired after school to really care about homework. A lot of kids drag their feet about homework.


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## WindowLicker (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm glad I asked here you guys know about association and thats what I was getting at. You're right, shes just not interested because she is constantly being "punished" and its more about jumping through hoops and she doesn't feel like pleasing anyone. Its true that doing homework is completely in vein when we don't give a shit about it. She prefers to be in charge (strict catholic family) 
So heres what I came up with instead of taking her homework away I'm going to frankenstein all your posts and come up with a new and improved teaching method.
1.When we count by tens (or anything) I will clap/snap everytime she counts a ten on a finger, that will ignite her listening senses. 
2. I will provide an audience with her disney princess dolls that she loves, so that she no longer becomes the subject, but the teacher, therefore explaining how she learns. Scientifically when kids explain what they know the information lasts longer. 
3. I will provide weaknesses for each doll that represent her own, subconsciously enabling her to gain an outside perspective and ignite her mothering instincts. Making her favorite disney princesses the "smartest" ones. 
4. I will reward her, not just by giving her free time. But extra privelages, like being in charge of the remote control or what movie they watch on the imac. This sets an example for her little brother as well. The intellectual reign supreme.
and lastly
5. If that doesn't work I'll ignite her survival instincts by putting her princess dolls in a pirate ship, surrounded by her brothers lego sharks and every question will push the boat to shore, every wrong answer moves a shark closer. 

As an extrovert its better for her to do things for other people, since she does not see how it effects her, right? 

Yay or nay? She is a director type so she likes to be in charge of things maybe I could have her on the sharks side too every once in awhile. Excersicing her ability to see things from other perspectives. She needs to work on being mentally flexible as well. 

The reason I typed her as ESFP was pretty hard. She does things like sing in the car and say "I have such a good voice." which is hilarious to me because shes 7 and she sounds like a 7 year old, thats very F. I made trial an error attempts to appeal to her functions like intuition and introversion and her mind went around it and expessed herself in an ES way. Then the question of whether she was a P or a J was obvious. If I say hurry, she takes her time. But if I say "You have ten second to get from your room to the dinner table, she runs." I see that as more of a P trait. So ESFP. If anyone wants to dispute that feel free. 
@phony are you not sure of your type? Send me a link to a "type me" thread if you have one I'll see if I can guess. However I'm better at typing IRL especially when I know someone for at least a couple of weeks, at that point it usually becomes obvious.


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## Maybe Mercury (Apr 1, 2012)

Try relating it to "real" situations. For example, if she is trying to learn her times tables, tell her that Princess Tiana has six people at five tables in her restaurant and she needs the little girl's help in order to figure out how many people to feed. Stuff like that.


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## Lady Mary (Aug 7, 2012)

*My heart goes out to this child. I struggled in school, especially math and spelling, and my dad thought yelling and spanking was the way to get me in line. Even after it was discovered that I had learning disabilities, he still didn't get it. I hope there's more education for parents there days!
I like the suggestion of trying to make it fun, or using an awards system. Also, encourage her often. 
I hope the parents will have her tested for disabilities. It doesn't mean she can't learn, it means she learns differently.
Please keep us updated.
*


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## LittleOrange (Feb 11, 2012)

Yes, make it fun! Make it seem like a game!


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## WindowLicker (Aug 3, 2010)

So today we counted by 1's 2's 5's and 10's and she only cried for like a minute. Then we did the pirate ship one and Princess Aurora and Princess Ariel (her 2 favorites) were dragged off the boat by swamp monster and lego shark, got her in gear! Even though she cried a little because she felt a little rushed so we slowed down slightly. She finished her homework in 30 minutes which is a huge improvement. Usually it takes an hour. 
In our game the boat made it to the land, the two Princesses that were dragged off the boat also survived,barely. The dad was on the fence about it but the mom thought it was cool. Better than threatening to sell all her stuff at least. 
Overall it was effective.
I'll post what happens with the point system and the teaching part later this week.


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## littleitaly (Jun 17, 2013)

sometimes being a little harsh with kids is the best way but in this case, her father has gone too far and I think what she needs now is someone who is patient and understanding. His mean attitude towards her has most likely caused her to associate homework with his anger and all those bad times he's threatened her and that's why she cries a lot and believes she can't do it.
it's difficult when the child refuses to do what you want but don't give in. You need to show her the love and concern that her father does not. You need to keep in mind that you have to be gentle with her, but at the same time you can't be too soft or she'll never learn. talk kind (opposite of her dad) and encourage her! tell her you know how smart she is and that she CAN do it! also, try to make her homework more interesting in some way.(ESFPs are all about the fun) try to come up with an educational game or include food somehow...kids love food. 
You should sit down with her and make sure she gets her work done. Don't tolerate the crying/breath holding thing. Make a rule that she is not allowed to take a break until she reaches a certain point in her homework.< and enforce it! you can show authority without being an intimidating/rude person like her dad.
I hope that helped you. good luck!


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

WindowLicker said:


> Shes in 2nd grade and I've been watching her since she was in 1st grade after school. Part of my job is to help her with homework, however she sometimes doesn't like to read or sound out words, and will hold her breath and start crying if something is challenging her. The other day I tried to teach her how to count by tens with her fiingers to figure out her math problems and she wouldn't even look up from the table she just kept saying "I can't" and cried. A lot of times when the dad (ENTP) helps her he's very abrasive and threatens to sell her stuff if she doesn't do her homework and then she starts crying while shes working. Its actually kind of horrible to watch, but I am trying to show him that she doesn't need to be threatened to do her homework. Unfortunately thats the only thing that works. She is smart, has private tutors and stuff, however she lacks patience. What are some ways I can condition her to be more logical with her math homework, be patient, and happy to be challenged. When I was younger I was in gifted math and I'm only trying to teach her the simplest way to do math without all that bs and she just doesn't care that is easier.
> I've come up with some solutions I think might work. They're theoretical though.
> 1. Some type of reward for completing a question that will motivate her. Like pushing a button that makes a noise, or getting a point that will go towards something.
> 2. Take away her homework. Also take away privelages that go along with completing homework.
> ...


I think I can help. 

I've taught preschool and kindergarten kids and got them _loving_ math and _begging_ me to do it with them.

Khan Academy 

If you go to the arithmetic section, and start up a video, that's how I did it. The kids mostly found the videos boring, but when I pointed out that they helped with the problems, they would concede and be open to trying it. But, only once they tried the problems first. I'm fairly flexible in teaching style and I let them explore and find their own way to enjoying the material.

The problems themselves came with 'leaves' and 'happy faces' as external rewards, and they actually _loved _this reward system.

It's also _very _important to be _enthusiastic _about the subject you want them to learn. If _you _are showing that you find it fun, then they invariably will as well. ''We're gonna learn some _math! It's so exciting!'' _Say it, and mean it.

Another trick is understanding their motivations behind what they do, which you have shown. If she likes art, then maybe try to incorporate that into the math.

But, some kids can be really difficult-- I found the ESFP girls to be particularly... Difficult. Attention span often waned. Extra creativity is likely required if she doesn't enjoy the processes listed above.


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## Solitaire U (Aug 8, 2013)

First: don't apply MBTI theories to a 7 year old. Don't MBTI-tailor your teaching style to what you assume is her learning style based on your assumption of her type. Kids are changeable, flexible, and malleable. Use that to your advantage. 

Second: Tell the parents that if you are going to be tutoring their daughter, you need free reign to do it as you see fit (within reason, obviously). They need to stay out of the process, and preferably, out of the room altogether. Their presence is a major distraction for your student, and hinders your ability to connect with her 1 to 1. Also, do not support or reinforce the parent's unreasonable ultimatums. Let the kid work at her own pace.

Third: re: math, teach her card games. To begin with, a solitaire game called 'King's Corners', which quickly teaches multiples of 10, and that she can play herself after you leave. Also another simple game called 'One Hundred'. One Hundred is a fun, excellent way to introduce kids to simple addition and subtraction. I have yet to encounter a student who didn't love this game, including my math-fearing kids.

If you aren't familiar with or can't find instructions on how to play the above games, PM me and I'll be happy to provide detailed instructions.


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## sly (Oct 8, 2011)

LittleOrange said:


> Yes, make it fun! Make it seem like a game!


Oh fuck off!


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## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

What about grammar?

"I nanny HATES doing homework" :wink:


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