# What caused the breakup(s) in your last relationship(s)?



## Ellis Bell (Mar 16, 2012)

As an ISTP I have trouble expressing emotion, or even identifying how I feel. I dated an ISTJ in college. I chased him, then backed off a bit once I got busy with my own schoolwork (it was a long distance relationship). One summer he just... disappeared. I mean, we were talking, and then he cut me off, and then next thing I knew he was dating some high schooler who'd chased him down. Then six years later he told me that the reason he "broke up" with me was because if was so hard for me to open up. Wish he'd mentioned this SIX YEARS previously, eh? Seems kind of hypocritical, no? So we both had communication issues. But we are still friends, I just think that guys like that want to date their moms. You know, emotionally warm, nurturing, etc. As soon as I started doing my own thing, he lost interest because he thought that I wasn't interested.


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

Most recently: death from cancer.

Before that: infidelity (his) along with him insisting on going home to live with mommy, despite having an apratment and job at school. I'd grown up (more than I cared to, thanks to the infidelity that I walked in on); he obviously had not.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

My last partner lied completely about all of his habits to try to impress me, and then we moved in together. It was absolutely miserable for both of us. It is impossible to have any sort of relationship (whether it's a friend, business partner, etc.) without being honest.


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## hulia (Sep 13, 2012)

My last became extremely needy and dominating towards the end of our relationship, mostly sexual-wise. She took control of me and practically used me for her own relief even though she didn't intentionally harm me, but it never felt right. At all. She talked me into having sex with her in places that I felt severely uncomfortable doing so. And the day when we did it on her parents' couch, not knowing when they'd come back home, put me in such an anxious position (pun not intended) that I ended up pushing her away from me and leaving in a ruckus.

The main problem was, whenever I felt intimate, and whenever we would cuddle or make-out, she would usually try to push it a base or two further which exhausted me severely. I just went through with it most of the time because the confidence brought by being desired by such an attractive girl, and the short, but sweet feelings of adequacy, were too much for me to refuse. But, I had eventually reached my limit back in April and I told her that I wasn't the right person. Basically, the happy-go-lucky, immature infatuation we had for each other in the beginning evolved into something that I just wasn't ready for, and didn't feel okay enough for.


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## Kaetastrophe (Mar 7, 2011)

He confessed that he couldn't figure out why he wasn't in love with me and didn't feel like we had a deep enough emotional connection.


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## Kainita (Aug 31, 2011)

My last ex broke up with me, he did not present a reason at the time, but later his friend told me that he had wanted me to 'chase' him. He was an ENFJ and he was barking up the wrong tree for that.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

He told me, tearfully, that he'd never known what love was until he'd reached this point in his relationship with God, that our relationship went against the will of God, asked me to "absolve" him from the promises he made me regarding our relationship, and that he wanted to confess our sexual relationship to my father and "make restitution" with him for "taking advantage" of me. I told him he was full of shit, I would not hold him to any commitment he made to me, and hell fucking no he was not going to speak to my father about any aspect of our relationship much less our sexual relationship, which I reminded him was initiated entirely by me. I cannot make this shit up, I swear, repressed religious INFJ boys are almost too fucking melodramatic to be worth it but the sex is so good.


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## Rakshasa (May 26, 2012)

Last break up was with an ENFP. See NT NF Death Spiral for more details.


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## kinematicacceleration (Nov 15, 2012)

It was my inability to state things that bothered me coupled with my lack of willingness to speak my needs. I know people aren't mind readers but it was difficult to say what I need. So far, that has been fixed as I immediately tell my significant other if something she does bothers me and also tell her what I need from her.

On the other end, from my perspective, my last significant other would not listen to my needs when I did state them and got highly defensive which made me speak my needs less. I don't enjoy the blame game and that was her thing. I always see it as both people fault and should apologize but she saw things as she never did anything wrong during arguments. 

It was just bad communication from both of our ends and that will make or break a relationship in my opinion. Before I entered another relationship I read up on communication from lots of books. It has definitely helped me with how to approach arguments, what to expect and how to deal with people in business and personal relationships. I hope to not encounter these issues again in the future.


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## Azure Bass (Sep 6, 2010)

She was moving to a different state in a different region of the country we live in.

If she were a liar or a stranger it would probably be disinterest. But she really was moving, and was honest with me. I learned not to try to force things to work out in my direction. If they have the potential to do so then others will make it happen if it's to happen. if not then it will not.


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## jdbullet23 (Jan 25, 2012)

Have you ever heard the song "Over you" by Daughtry? That describes the place I'm in about my last relationship, still, almost 8 months after blocking her number from my phone. It was a disasterous, painful, helpless breakup. I felt like my life was bursting open and my heart was splattering onto the floor in pieces. But I was only 16, and she was only 15. That could explain the end of it. Still, she was emotionally unstable, even for her age, and passive aggressive, suicidal, desperate for attention, angry, self-loathsome, etc. Plus the long distance issue couldn't have helped matters any.

She was an INFP, and I'm an ENTP. She was immature, I wasn't. I guess it started falling apart months before it actually did. It screwed me up a little bit, but hell, shit happens. All I can say is that she beat the innocence and trust right out of me. I guess it was a courtesy to toughen me up for the world. I just EEhope I never have to deal with that kind of pain again.


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

You were 16 and mature. 
I was 23 and immature. Still immature at 26.
You mature bro?


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## Fallen Nocturne (May 13, 2012)

My ex boyfriend had some confidence issues. In a lot of social situations he would get pretty anxious and either put on the most over-the-top facade or just hide in a corner and not speak. Admittedly not quite as extreme as that, but rather bad. I had general emotional coldness and a little bit of insecurity to contend with. We sort of "downgraded" our relationship and stayed as friends for a while as we helped each other past these issues which were frankly keeping us apart.

After that, we just never got back together. We stayed pretty close friends for a while, but never bounced back up to official couple. I think we worked better as friends anyway, to be perfectly honest.


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## MissyMaroon (Feb 24, 2010)

Couldn't handle my awesomeness xD

True story.


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## xerxes75 (Oct 3, 2010)

My friend committed suicide, so I spent the 6 months following in deep depression and blaming of myself while my current crush and another very close friend of mine comforted me, my at the time girlfriend went and played spin the bottle with her friends for most of the summer, apparently she didn't get the memo that if you want to practice non-monogamy both parties need to be on board.


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## Runvardh (May 17, 2011)

1 - I was looking at her best friend too much
2 - I moved and knew I wouldn't be back in a reasonable time; wasn't a fan of her attempts to make me jealous though...
3 - Shit got too intense for my confidence, so it buckled
4 - She went home for Christmas and told me she wasn't coming back after I told her I managed to clean the appartment
5 - She wanted her ex and I was tired of them making out behind my back
6 - Officially it was because I lacked any feeling
7 - I didn't guess that I should take a certain day off and she stopped talking to me
8 - She seemed to only understand every third or fourth word I'd say
9 - The more we did the things we wanted, the less time we spent with each other. Seemed the last minute needs of her family and social life always happened to leave open only the days I had something on my schedule for the last few months.


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## Enigma Daddy (Oct 23, 2012)

Still haven't figured it out a year on. Suspect it was a clash of personalities, wanting different things out of the relationship and her getting the seven year itch. Also the dynamic within the relationship changed over the years so that it went from me being the dominant partner to her. I've since learnt that this often results in the woman no longer being attracted to the man since it goes against the natural order of things (and billions of years of evolution). Hard initially (especially given we have two young kids together) but I've learnt a lot since and have realised it was for the best.


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## SinsOfVince (Nov 11, 2012)

Last girlfriend was an ISFJ. Too much emotion on her side. It disgusted me. "Tell me you love me!" OMG, I don't love you... She would not stop complaining about her past. I honestly did not care.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

My last ex was a pedophile, and a sociopath. Legit. All in one package of suckage.


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## Wanderbird (Nov 27, 2012)

I'm trying to figure this out in the most recent one.


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