# Post Breakup & Friendship with Ex



## livelearngrow (Jan 12, 2019)

My ex is an ISFP and after finding out his personality type, I came to understand him better. He was the best person that I have ever fell for. I've never felt so close to someone and the relationship was genuine. I loved that I felt he was honest because honesty is what I hold dear - even if it hurts.

I learned a lot about love from just being with him. For example, I want to protect him, support him, and encourage him. 

It took a long time for both of us to admit that we liked each other. However, I told him that we couldn't date because our beliefs, values, and goals are so different. For example, I believe in marriage and he doesn't see marriage in his future. I was planning on living aboard for the next year to do volunteer work and he didn't see the point in LDR - even though for me LDR isn't a problem. 

He understood and after explaining it to him he took it well. It was the hardest thing I had to do but I knew it was the right thing to do. 

Fast forward, I thought we could be friends and hang out. But, it turned into us dating each other instead. I don't believe in flings or dating causally so for me it was serious - even though we didn't label it.

After two wonderful months, we decided to end it on a high note and it was the best way to end our beautiful relationship. Of course we spoke daily for the next month until I left to go aboard. We saw each other and said our final goodbyes.

Originally, I had said it would hurt too much to be friends but we kept in touch anyways while I was away. This lasted for a month. Our conversations started to get drift off and we contacted each other once every week. 

The conversations were great and it felt like old times again before we dated. But then one day I texted him and he didn't respond until the next day. That conversation was short. 

The next day he texted me to tell me something that happened to him. I initiated contact the next day to see how things were going with the situation. At first the conversation went well but then he started getting lazy in his responses. There were a ton of spelling mistakes, which he has never did before and his answers became short. Then he left me on "read" when I made a comment about something. 

I know that in the past he would leave me on "read" even when we were dating. But, he would apologize and initiate contact the next day. So, I thought "maybe he needs space." I didn't initiate anymore. Two weeks goes by and I don't hear from him. At this point I think maybe he doesn't want to hear from me. 

I came home to visit the next month and didn't contact him. He knew I was coming home that month. I wanted to text him and tell him I am home but I was stressing and over-thinking everything (typical of an ENFP). 

He then deletes me off his social media two weeks later. This made me really feel like "Wow, he really doesn't want to stay in touch anymore." And I didn't attempt to contact him anymore. 

My question is, is he upset that I didn't text him to tell him I am came home? Why didn't he just tell me that he doesn't think he can be friends with me? Is he just trying to ignore the feelings of hurt? What is he thinking? Does he hate me? :sad:

(I know that everyone is different and we can't possibly know what's going on in his head, but I just want to get an prospective from an ISFP).

I really felt like he just wanted me to leave him alone. Now it's been two months since we last spoke and I feel bothered that we just faded out of each other's lives. 

He meant so much to me and I just want to tell him that even though we don't talk anymore, I will always care about him. And if he ever needs someone to lean on, I will be there for him.

Also, how do you guys feel if your ex text you months later? Should I tell him that or is it best to just leave him alone?

Thanks for reading this long post and for any advice.


----------



## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

In my experience ISFP and ENFP is a bad match, bad for the ISFP in subtle ways.
My guess is that he discovered how much better his life became after you went away.
(This is not a critique, your being does this and you are powerless to stop it)



> For example, I want to protect him, support him, and encourage him.


Read up on the Socionics supervisor relation, it is textbook smothering.
You never meant to do it, but it happens anyway, *because of your best intentions*.
This is because what you view as noble and good is subtle poison to the ISFP mind.



> This is one of the most difficult types of relationships in which there is no equality. At first the revisee suffers more from obstinacy and uncompromising attitude of the revisor, who is convinced in his rightness. Revisee feels that the partner is dissatisfied with him and is seeking to re-educate him, imposing his own values. In response, revisee begins to monitor each slip that the revisor makes, proving to him that he is not without sin. Mutual allegations and uncompromising attitude can destroy their relations.
> 
> At best, the partners appreciate each other for the ability to solve what would be a difficult problem for the other. In these relations understanding exists as long as the revisor does not show excessive adherence to his principles, which will hurt the revisee. Then the revisee may start to avoid communication with the revisor, or may start to pick on him. To the revisor the revisee seems slow-witted, or deliberately trying to avoid his responsibilities. A desire arises to help the revisee, to teach him something. However, the partner resists accepting such advice and demands, thereby causing confusion and even anger in the revisor. Talking over all the grievances can escalate into open conflict, in which case the other person's complaints will seem unfounded, while their shortcoming will be exaggerated.
> 
> If the revisor ceases attempts to re-educate the revisee and allows room for compromise, and the revisee stops picking through the shortcomings of the revisor, these relations can be stimulating and fruitful. Only both need to remember that it is the revisor who sets the tone in this relationship, and the revisee is the follower. The leader must be humane, but the led should not put claims to leadership to keep relations in a positive tone.


----------

