# Simple steps to ease dealing with each Enneatype



## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

*Type One*

1. Challenge notions of perfection. (Does it include forgiveness?)
2. Find out why it is so important that others follow all the rules.
3. Bodywork is unusually helpful.
4. Poetry and art should be included in their prayer-forms.
5. Help them integrate pleasure into their lives.
6. Help them criticize their habit of criticism.
7. Help them relativize their important norms/rules/obligations.

*Type Two*

1. Encourage solitude. It relives the pressure to affiliate.
2. Among all the activities, help them find the "constant self."
3. Remember, "What you don't get up front, you get out back."
4. Have them answer, "How do you take control?"
5. Help them identify their negative feelings.
6. Help them face and work through the anger at not being appreciated, not getting approval, not receiving strong enough emotional response and more subtly, not being free. Their anger will show up when they realize they are angry at having given themselves away. Sex will often show up here.
7. Help them face their fatigue at conforming to others' needs, whims, and expectations.
8. Help them face their dependence. Contrast it with freedom.
9. Ask who owns their friends' feelings.
10. Watch out. They may do whatever will get your approval.

*Type Three*

1. Invite them to move back into feelings when they talk about their work.
2. Recommend bodywork in which there are no markers of success.
3. Help them pay attention to their body. Feelings are linked to body states.
4. Help them articulate feelings, especially of sexuality and anger.
5. Help them acknowledge vulnerability.
6. Help them notice their conflict between intimacy and achievement.
7. Direct some of their energy toward social reform.
8. Help them reframe their image of God or attitude toward authority.
9. Find a group in which they must remain anonymous (like choir).
10. Help them do things counter to image.

*Type Four*

1. Identify some areas of satisfaction.
2. Recommend a study of some lamentation psalms. Note the dynamic.
3. Point out the preoccupation with what is absent and unavailable. This rationality is a good balance for the dramatic unreal emotions they may present.
4. Allow them to ventilate their feelings.
5. Probe for which feelings are real. Where are they in their body?
6. Have them read books by other Fours (Merton, Therese of Lisieux, John).
7. Reframe their longing as a longing for God.
8. Get in touch with their emotional center. Centering prayer is good.
9. Explore feelings of shame. Note the flip side of arrogance.
10. Their melancholy has a sweetness about it, linking them to past or future

*Type Five*

1. Help them enlarge their range of emotions, activities, and interests.
2. Help them articulate their inner world.
3. Help them put words on experiences. (They're more real after being talked through).
4. Remind them: involvement in activity isn't the same as involvement with people who are participating in the lactivity.
5. Help them see that beneath the desire to know is the desire for love.
6. Maturity is found in developing relationships with the external world.
7. Reframe commitment as a gain instead of a loss.
8. Castle/home/prison can become interchangeable. Untangle the different feelings.
9. Bodywork is often quite helpful.
10. Sex can be a means to reach out to the external world. It is non-verbal.

*Type Six*

1. Create an atmosphere of trust. Nothing happens until that does.
2. Physical relaxation helps take the focus off obsessive thinking.
3. Teach them to doubt their doubting process. "What if you're wrong?"
4. Exaggerate to the absurd. "And if we're lucky, we'll die first."
5. Call them on their habit of projection.
6. Bring fears into reality. They fear most what is in their imagination.
7. Help them choose a larger role in the community.
8. Guided imagery is excellent prayer for them.
9. Massage and all bodywork are helpful.
10. For Christians, angels are helpful. (Consistent message: "fear not.")

*Type Seven*

1. Keep calling the Seven to the present time and place.
2. Point out avoidance patterns.
3. Remind them of their inner life. Sevens can be centrifugal.
4. Decide on a form of prayer or meditation and stick to it.
5. Keep spiritual exercises simple.
6. Distinguish between inner authority and a faked superiority.
7. Where is the order in their life? Symbolic order helps at times.
8. Bodywork is helpful. Make sure they sustain it.
9. Search for real feelings, don't buy quick thoughts.
10. Direct them to social involvement. No glamour.

*Type Eight*

1. Encourage symbolic bodywork.
2. Determine "whose" justice they are pursuing.
3. Introduce complexity and nuance.
4. Point out their tightly focused attention.
5. Distinguish between authority and control.
6. Try to broaden the discussion/focus.
7. Direct their anger at legitimate targets:
8. Help them admit their needs.
9. Help them claim inner values.
10. Have them argue the opposing position to break focus.

*Type Nine*

1. Ask for priorities.
2. Point out their wandering attention.
3. Keep asking, "Why are you doing this?"
4. Keep equality clear.
5. Note black/white judgments. They are made mindlessly.
6. Help them distinguish thoughts from feelings.
7. You may at times have to make them uncomfortable.
8. Notice when high energy is a way of staying asleep. It's a diversion.
9. Support them when they discover they don't know what they want.
10. Give them structure for prayer and reflection.


SOURCE: Enneagram Central


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## Ben (Aug 23, 2009)

alizée said:


> *Type Five*
> 10. Sex can be a means to reach out to the external world. It is non-verbal.


:happy:

(Needs more characters. :frustrating


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

Ben said:


> :happy:


I also read that somewhere on INTP relations :tongue:

Apparently it is a shortcut to training Fe. The sweaty way.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

That's so hot! I love the idea of using sex to make an INTP feel things more intensely.  ...regardless of enneagram type.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jomama (May 21, 2010)

Fantastic. Thank you, Starri.


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## Mooserapids (Oct 19, 2012)

Really helpful for this newcomer to the PC community. I am a type 5 with 4 wing. Your suggestions make sense to me and most of the strategies I have found helpful are on your lists. Thanks


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

starri said:


> *Type One*
> 
> 1. Challenge notions of perfection. (Does it include forgiveness?)
> 2. Find out why it is so important that others follow all the rules.
> ...


Thanks, I could use this in helping myself, tbh.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

*Type Four

1. Identify some areas of satisfaction.

*
This is a quick way to piss me off. Most people do it in the "pointing out what is good about your life that you need to appreciate" way. What this does is invalidate how I feel. This usually makes me withdraw from someone because I feel they don't understand. It actually exacerbates my dissatisfaction.

IMO, a better way is to tell a 4 they are capable of creating/getting what they want. 4s feel defective, that somehow they are not able to be happy like other people because something is lacking within them which others have which allows others to create/get what they need. So you need to reassure them they have the ability, but not in way that makes it sound like they're not trying hard enough or something like that. You ARE on eggshells.

*3. Point out the preoccupation with what is absent and unavailable. This rationality is a good balance for the dramatic unreal emotions they may present.
*
See above. Invalidation = no go.

*4. Allow them to ventilate their feelings.
*
Yes.

*6. Have them read books by other Fours (Merton, Therese of Lisieux, John).
*
They probably already have... 

*7. Reframe their longing as a longing for God.
*I like the idea of soothing feelings of defectiveness this way. Especially if you're talking about God as the redeemer of sin, then for a 4, they find the truth behind their feelings of being flawed.

*9. Explore feelings of shame. Note the flip side of arrogance.
*We've noted, and we'd prefer you not to. You're dealing with someone who is hyper self-aware, remember....
I think it's best if you give them an objective view of how they appear, but this won't ease dealing with them, even if it is useful to them. When I first learned people saw me as snobby, I was hurt. It did not ease relations with the people who thought that. It did prove useful in my improving my demeanor though.

What you could do is note the discrepancy between how the 4 feels & appears _in a positive way_. You might note that they are warmer & more empathetic than they may first appear. Making the 4 feel understood will bring out their better qualities.

*10. Their melancholy has a sweetness about it, linking them to past or future
*
True indeed...I'm not sure what this is advising though.... Appreciate the sweetness? Don't write it off as dramatic or whiny? See the poetry & insight within it? Yes!


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

My own assessment:

*Yes*
No
Neutral



starri said:


> *Type Six*
> 
> 1. Create an atmosphere of trust. Nothing happens until that does.
> 2. Physical relaxation helps take the focus off obsessive thinking. [actually, that will probably give my brain time to ruminate. give me an activity, please]
> ...


Why does this fit me better?

*



Type Nine

Click to expand...

*


> *1. Ask for priorities.*
> *2. Point out their wandering attention.
> 3. Keep asking, "Why are you doing this?"
> 4. Keep equality clear.*
> ...


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

starri said:


> *Type Seven*
> 1. Keep calling the Seven to the present time and place.


Oh, yes. Sometimes quite often I need a good kick in order to stop procrastinating, planning, daydreaming and actually do something.



starri said:


> 2. Point out avoidance patterns.


Ditto.



starri said:


> 3. Remind them of their inner life. Sevens can be centrifugal.


I don't think I need it; maybe it's because I'm an introvert.



starri said:


> 4. Decide on a form of prayer or meditation and stick to it.


No thanks. I'm not religious and I find meditation quite boring.



starri said:


> 5. Keep spiritual exercises simple.


I neither want nor need spirituality period.



starri said:


> 6. Distinguish between inner authority and a faked superiority.


I understand the "faked superiority" part, but what does "inner authority" mean? Being in touch with what I really want? Being aware of both my flaws and virtues?



starri said:


> 7. Where is the order in their life? Symbolic order helps at times.


Maybe. I hate being forced to become orderly and efficient, but some sort of order would definitely help me get forward.



starri said:


> 8. Bodywork is helpful. Make sure they sustain it.


Sustain? Ouch. Sustaining is not something that comes easy to me.



starri said:


> 9. Search for real feelings, don't buy quick thoughts.


As I said, I think I'm not that bad at inwardness. Nevertheless, sometimes I prefer to keep my feelings to myself (doesn't anyone, though?).



starri said:


> 10. Direct them to social involvement. No glamour.


Why would I need social involvement? I don't get it.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

aconite said:


> I understand the "faked superiority" part, but what does "inner authority" mean? Being in touch with what I really want? Being aware of both my flaws and virtues?


Apparently, head types all have problems with giving away "inner authority". (I'd only heard it in conjunction with 6s). When Sevens start feeling restricted, that's actually giving authority to an outside source. It's on TheChangeWorks, but I'm too lazy to find it for you.


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

So accurate it kinda hurts.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

*Type Six*
*
1. Create an atmosphere of trust. Nothing happens until that does.*
Yes, goes without saying.

*2. Physical relaxation helps take the focus off obsessive thinking.*
To a degree but you need to rationalise why my thinking is getting obsessive because whilst im actually thinking, I cannot simply forget, these worries will pop up again and again so its always good to address these worries otherwise I won't be able to move on. And yeah, the physical aspect is helpful but the mental thoughts still need to be sorted out.

*3. Teach them to doubt their doubting process. "What if you're wrong?"*
This has worked but not until I have seen something go different to how I expected, im still often right in my intuitions. If I am blatantly unhealthy though, chances are I am blowing things out of proportion.

*4. Exaggerate to the absurd. "And if we're lucky, we'll die first."*
Well, there's some humour to this which in a way is so contrasting to the stress of a situation so that can either work well or not at all. After too many jokes, I will think you don't really care and therefore not to be trusted. But putting a situation into better pespective seems a more rational option.

*5. Call them on their habit of projection.*
I don't know what to say about this one, im not really aware of my projections :/ No other comments.

*6. Bring fears into reality. They fear most what is in their imagination.*
Yeah, this could work, a way of getting me to confront my fears, it sometimes helps also having someone push me into my fears as ironic as that sounds although at the last minute it is I who makes the jump. 

*7. Help them choose a larger role in the community.*
Uh, well I like having a role and a sense of responsibility but there's no promises im gonna be able to maintain that role because im too inconsistant, I would end up letting people down. If I did, I would need a partner to assume some of the burden of responsibility.

*8. Guided imagery is excellent prayer for them.*
I've tried this and it worked.

*9. Massage and all bodywork are helpful.*
If only I had the cash :tongue:

*10. For Christians, angels are helpful. (Consistent message: "fear not.")*
Peaceful, relaxing, trusting, accepting environments are helpful, the environment I am in dictates alot of how I feel, maybe due to being an sp first.


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

What's faked superiority?


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Type One

1. Challenge notions of perfection. (Does it include forgiveness?)
2. Find out why it is so important that others follow all the rules.
3. Bodywork is unusually helpful.
4. Poetry and art should be included in their prayer-forms.
5. Help them integrate pleasure into their lives.
6. Help them criticize their habit of criticism.
7. Help them relativize their important norms/rules/obligations.



To be honest, I relate to none of these. And anyone who tried to insist that these applied to me would come off sounding pretentious.


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## Mooserapids (Oct 19, 2012)

The recommendation is made for type fives to enlarge their range of interests and to be careful to be involved with people and not just the activity. As a type five I can relate to that. My social involvement can easily decrease to zero if I don't pay attention. I find I want to make "connecting with another person" part of my daily goals. The catch for me, if I am honest with myself, is to consider what it means to connect or be involved with another person. I could easily make "have one phone conversation" part of my daily goal. But if I am not mindful I will be just doing the activity, going through the motions, so I can check off the box on my "To Do" list. It is very easy for me to be involved in the activity and not with the people. A challenge I am just recently aware of and wanting to adjust in a more pro social direction.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

*Type Three*



> 1. Invite them to move back into feelings when they talk about their work.


Yes. 



> 2. Recommend bodywork in which there are no markers of success.


This helps.



> 3. Help them pay attention to their body. Feelings are linked to body states.


Usually when in workaholic mode (which can be pretty much a constant)



> 4. Help them articulate feelings, especially of sexuality and anger.


Sex and Rage are right up my alley. I need help articulating feelings like sadness/guilt.



> 5. Help them acknowledge vulnerability.


Yes



> 6. Help them notice their conflict between intimacy and achievement.


Sure



> 7. Direct some of their energy toward social reform


.

Good suggestion for all id types, in fact. We have trouble transcending the "me"ness and looking outside/beyond our own interests. My father encouraged this when I was a child, and I still have an interest in social reform.



> 8. Help them reframe their image of God or attitude toward authority.


My attitude towards authority is that of indifference, until it gets in my way. It needs no reframing. As for God, I am not a believer. 



> 9. Find a group in which they must remain anonymous (like choir).


lol



> 10. Help them do things counter to image.


Yes, this can be very grounding and eye-opening.

_______________________________________________________________________

*Type Seven*




> 1. Keep calling the Seven to the present time and place.


I am not a core 7, but that damn 7 fix can keep me preoccupied with grand plans for the future. It's good to be snapped back into the present time and place.



> 2. Point out avoidance patterns.


Sure



> 3. Remind them of their inner life. Sevens can be centrifugal.


I can be very attuned to my inner life. It's likely the 4 wing.


> 4. Decide on a form of prayer or meditation and stick to it.


Irrelevant and unnecessary.



> 5. Keep spiritual exercises simple.


Not into spiritual exercises, but they better be simple or I get restless and annoyed.


> 6. Distinguish between inner authority and a faked superiority.


lol This seems to apply more to 3s than 7s. 


> 7. Where is the order in their life? Symbolic order helps at times.


There's plenty of order in my life, thanks. I need help breaking out of the "order".


> 8. Bodywork is helpful. Make sure they sustain it.


Sure


> 9. Search for real feelings, don't buy quick thoughts.


ok


> 10. Direct them to social involvement. No glamour.


This works well. I know a lot of highly socially involved 7s, and it has a grounding, sobering influence. 7--1 line helps with this.
__________________________________________________________________________


*Type Eight*



> 1. Encourage symbolic bodywork.


ok



> 2. Determine "whose" justice they are pursuing.


This is extremely important. I pursue my own justice--did I get my fair share (more like more than my 'fair' share)? much of the time. 


> 3. Introduce complexity and nuance.


Yes. I can be a very black/white thinker.



> 4. Point out their tightly focused attention.


Sure


> 5. Distinguish between authority and control.


I know the distinction.



> 6. Try to broaden the discussion/focus.


Sure. This ties in with point 4.


> 7. Direct their anger at legitimate targets


The legitimacy of targets is rarely an issue. The thing has been using disproportionate force, when the line is crossed, and beyond demolishing targets. There's a strange pleasure to this that I really indulge. I can utterly dehumanize said target in my mind, and once this is done, I act without any room for remorse. I like to come back for the kill. The imagery would get rather graphic, so I'll end there lol. Anyhow, it's when the fury kicks in, and this hunger for vengeance takes centre stage. Though, I always remain rational and stable at the core. I know exactly what I am doing. What I could probably use at such times is someone I consider wise pointing out the excessive/unstoppable volcanic force of my anger (because I can be blind to it) and how it can result in more damage than I'd eventually care for. All semblance of _decency_ flies out the window, and I can play the dirtiest games. My large reserves of patience are what protects people from this side much of the time lol. I am not a quick tempered person. Though, my anger, when aroused, is formidable and highly destructive. It's among the reasons why I thought I was a gut type. 



> 8. Help them admit their needs.


Admitting I have 'needs' as opposed to wants can be humbling. So, this is a good idea. 


> 9. Help them claim inner values.


Yes


> 10. Have them argue the opposing position to break focus.


LOL! This is funny. Yeah, I usually see my own position as supreme/correct/best, so this sounds like a great exercise.


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