# How do you feel about polyamory? Part 3 of 4



## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

How do you feel about trying a polyamorous relationship? And to be specific, I mean one in which your partner has at least one other partner - not you with a harem that are all exclusive to you.


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## Faux (May 31, 2012)

I tried it in my late teens, and I'm not open to trying it again except under specific circumstances that aren't covered in the OP. If I found a poly couple or small group that had been together for years and had an exceptional track record of keeping things running smoothly and drama-free I'd consider getting involved, but otherwise I'm not interested. 

More then the idea of sharing my partner (which isn't too pleasant, no), it's the potential drama and difficulty of a normal relationship multiplied by being intimate with more than one person that turns me off. Monogamy can be bad enough, and I still remember being the one to clean up other men and women's messes in my own relationship but not receiving my fair share of attention. When it goes bad, it really goes _bad_.

Some people can handle poly and are doing it for reasons they've given a good deal of thought to, but most people don't seem to fall under that category. I'd rather count all but the examples in my first paragraph out than venture in again.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

Faux said:


> I tried it in my late teens, and I'm not open to trying it again except under specific circumstances that aren't covered in the OP. If I found a poly couple or small group that had been together for years and had an exceptional track record of keeping things running smoothly and drama-free I'd consider getting involved, but otherwise I'm not interested.
> 
> More then the idea of sharing my partner (which isn't too pleasant, no), it's the potential drama and difficulty of a normal relationship multiplied by being intimate with more than one person that turns me off. Monogamy can be bad enough, and I still remember being the one to clean up other men and women's messes in my own relationship but not receiving my fair share of attention. When it goes bad, it really goes _bad_.
> 
> Some people can handle poly and are doing it for reasons they've given a good deal of thought to, but most people don't seem to fall under that category. I'd rather count all but the examples in my first paragraph out than venture in again.


I haven't tried it myself largely for the reasons you mention. And the fact that I think I would feel weird in that kind of situation. I know men are supposed to be polygamous by nature but I'm pretty sure I'm not.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

By the way, if you're not NF here are the other parts of the poll,

SJ - http://personalitycafe.com/member-polls/106217-how-do-you-feel-about-polyamory-part-1-4-a.html

NT - http://personalitycafe.com/member-polls/106220-how-do-you-feel-about-polyamory-part-2-4-a.html

SP - http://personalitycafe.com/member-polls/106223-how-do-you-feel-about-polyamory-part-4-4-a.html


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## CoakJoints (Feb 2, 2012)

I am definitely into it, but I think it would be easier with someone I either didn't care about at all or someone I had a very close and stable relationship with before hand. I couldn't see it working out any other way.


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## friendly80sfan (May 12, 2011)

I feel that the only reason to have a romantic relationship with someone is to find a spouse and I don't feel like a relationship is special if the other person is not satisfied with just me. It's not for me.


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## Ed S (Jul 27, 2012)

I would love it in theory but in practice I'm not sure I would actually be fine with it but I haven't really tried it. I have been sleeping with more than one person at a time before but even if it was understood it wasn't really discussed. I've also engaged in group sex but not in a relationship it was completely random. I think I would love it if I had a person who was strictly sexual and another strictly emotional and another completely mental..on second thought I'm getting really tired thinking about all the effort that would take.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

I voted no. But I wish there was "Oh, HELL NO!" button. Yea, I understand everyone trying to be "liberated" and modern and shit, but the day that someone ever broached the topic of an open relationship or polyamory or any other type of non exclusive relationship is the day I'd yell "Next!" and eject them from my life. 

I will not consider it. Not even for one second. I would feel disrespected. Its cool that other people do it. Whatever, thats not my business. But it has no place in my life. No place at all.


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## ImminentThunder (May 15, 2011)

Um no way in heck would I _ever _do that. -_- If the person isn't committed to you, then they don't exactly love you with all their heart, do they? 

And if you don't love each other, then there is absolutely no point in being in a relationship with them.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

Ed S said:


> I would love it in theory but in practice I'm not sure I would actually be fine with it but I haven't really tried it. I have been sleeping with more than one person at a time before but even if it was understood it wasn't really discussed. I've also engaged in group sex but not in a relationship it was completely random. I think I would love it if I had a person who was strictly sexual and another strictly emotional and another completely mental..on second thought I'm getting really tired thinking about all the effort that would take.


Best to have someone who just magically transforms into whatever needs you have for the moment.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

Chipps said:


> I voted no. But I wish there was "Oh, HELL NO!" button. Yea, I understand everyone trying to be "liberated" and modern and shit, but the day that someone ever broached the topic of an open relationship or polyamory or any other type of non exclusive relationship is the day I'd yell "Next!" and eject them from my life.
> 
> I will not consider it. Not even for one second. I would feel disrespected. Its cool that other people do it. Whatever, thats not my business. But it has no place in my life. No place at all.


I should probably have added a button like that since I only have one clearly negative choice.


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## Madman (Aug 7, 2012)

I'm totally fine with it as long I don't end up in such a relationship. I have a hard time seeing how it will work because of trust issues.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

Madman said:


> I'm totally fine with it as long I don't end up in such a relationship. I have a hard time seeing how it will work because of trust issues.


I agree trust and also respect issues. But like I or someone else pointed out earlier, polyamorists may have more pragmatic and less romantic types of relationships.


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## Madman (Aug 7, 2012)

Staffan said:


> I agree trust and also respect issues. But like I or someone else pointed out earlier, polyamorists may have more pragmatic and less romantic types of relationships.


That might very well be the case. But if the relationships are less romantic it still must some kind of feelings involved and feelings are a tricky thing.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

Madman said:


> That might very well be the case. But if the relationships are less romantic it still must some kind of feelings involved and feelings are a tricky thing.


True, it's hard to tell. There doesn't seem to be much research on this. It may be that some people who are into this are very submissive and ok with being someone's third choice. I don't know.


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## Madman (Aug 7, 2012)

Staffan said:


> True, it's hard to tell. There doesn't seem to be much research on this. It may be that some people who are into this are very submissive and ok with being someone's third choice. I don't know.


I agree, you must have some kind of personality traits that will help you cope with that kind of relationship.


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## NuthatchXi (Jul 18, 2012)

Well, I won't speak for other people, but for me, that would be about as fun and healthy as firing a nail gun into my toe. Lol!


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Staffan said:


> How do you feel about trying a polyamorous relationship?


Not interested.



Staffan said:


> And to be specific, I mean one in which your partner has at least one other partner - not you with a harem that are all exclusive to you.


Still not interested. One man (me), one woman (my partner). That's how I do things.


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## Staffan (Nov 15, 2011)

A little stats so far for types with more than 5 votes:

INTP is the most skeptic type with 80 percent voting "not for me".
INFP virtually the same at 78 percent.
INFJ 69 percent
INTJ 45 percent
ENTP 38 percent

Which is partly what I suspected but I thought INFJ would be a bit higher and INTP a bit lower. And please vote if you haven't already.


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## RainyAutumnTwilight (Sep 28, 2012)

I could never do that because I want monogamy and commitment--not even flirting with another person. I think love and exclusivity go hand-in-hand. It would feel like my partner was adulterous and I couldn't say anything about it.


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