# Meditation blog/journal



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I keep telling myself I'm going to make a habit out of meditation for maybe a year, maybe even two, the scary part is I don't even know. I'm going to make posts on how long I meditated for that day (I'm going for ten minutes a day to start). What if anything was notable about my day and my thoughts on my meditation session, and over time if I've noticed changes in my life. I'm going to be doing sitting meditation zazen, where I sit and inhale and exhale counting one on the exhale and counting up till ten and repeating. Hopefully this'll be motivation to do what I'm doing and be a journal of sorts, though I'm thinking maybe it'll be better if its a personal journal because I can reference personal things without explaining them etc anyway, here goes.

Any thoughts etc, feel free, advice whatever it may be


----------



## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

So....you're basically going to put more oxygen in your blood, learn how to count till 10, and repeat this process over and over like a mechanical monkey for a year. What a waste of time.


----------



## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

claude said:


> I keep telling myself I'm going to make a habit out of meditation for maybe a year, maybe even two, the scary part is I don't even know. I'm going to make posts on how long I meditated for that day (I'm going for ten minutes a day to start). What if anything was notable about my day and my thoughts on my meditation session, and over time if I've noticed changes in my life. I'm going to be doing sitting meditation zazen, where I sit and inhale and exhale counting one on the exhale and counting up till ten and repeating. Hopefully this'll be motivation to do what I'm doing and be a journal of sorts, though I'm thinking maybe it'll be better if its a personal journal because I can reference personal things without explaining them etc anyway, here goes.
> 
> Any thoughts etc, feel free, advice whatever it may be


Sitting is better, but it can be problematic (like blocking your circulation) if your posture is not right and there is nobody to correct you. I learned meditation lying down. Also, don't try to control your thoughts too much, just let it pass without struggle.



Claudio Naranjo said:


> The breathing exercise may seem, from such a written description, easy to carry out and perhaps trivial. We may tend to believe that "breathing naturally" is the most simple thing to do and that we are already doing it. In fact we are, but only when we are not aware of breathing. While we go about our ordinary activities, our breathing center -the animal within us- directs our respiratory movements with great wisdom according to the needs of our organism. As soon as "we" notice our breathing, however, "we" cannot hold back from interfering. Our conscious ego is a great manipulator that only through special training can learn to be merely aware. The exercise in spontaneous conscious breathing, therefore, is that of becoming a permissive observer, a non-intruding witness of nature-and in that, it is a practice in surrender and in action-in-inaction. This exercise, which is of great importance in the Buddhistic tradition, may be regarded as the simplest conceivable practice in naturalness and the first step toward disciplines in naturalness of movement (such as Zen archery or painting) and in mind-at-large.


You can download some pdf's by Naranjo on Meditation and Enneagram from his website.
http://www.claudionaranjo.net/content_phoenix_english/meditation_english.html


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

All in Twilight said:


> So....you're basically going to put more oxygen in your blood, learn how to count till 10, and repeat this process over and over like a mechanical monkey for a year. What a waste of time.


well you may be right, but I'm convinced it can be helpful, that's why I'm keeping this journal. Whats ten minutes out of my day anyway


----------



## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

I like to light candles and incense and prefer to be in a dark room when I meditate.


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I just finished meditating though, I guess its tomorrow. I feel more within myself in a way, I don't know how to describe, like I'm looking out through a cloud, I don't know. I think I'm going to keep a personal journal and post thoughts and updates here. I honestly don't feel like writing anything just sitting really, these thoughts are sort of forced conversation, but I figured I should to establish some sort of habit for the time being.


----------



## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

claude said:


> I just finished meditating though, I guess its tomorrow. I feel more within myself in a way, I don't know how to describe, like I'm looking out through a cloud, I don't know. I think I'm going to keep a personal journal and post thoughts and updates here. I honestly don't feel like writing anything just sitting really, these thoughts are sort of forced conversation, but I figured I should to establish some sort of habit for the time being.


It's a good idea to keep a blog. I subscribed to it. Next time, when you have brought down your breathing to a slower pace and regular flow, try focusing your mind on one of your big toes, and see if by imagining establishing a connection between your mind (from the point inbetween your eyebrows) with that area, it starts tingling.


----------



## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

I personally find meditation difficult; so I chant ("nam-myho-renge-kyo" - the title of _The Lotus Sutra_) to a scroll but it can work really well, if you also focus on a spot on the wall. I find that chanting - since I do it with my eyes open, albeit, _focused_; really helps keep me grounded.
@All in Twilight, why must you be so negative? If you have a better method for the OP, why not suggest that instead of pouring cold water on his efforts?

@mimesis, you meditate lying down? That's very interesting. I don't exactly do that but I close my eyes and allow any thoughts, feelings, sensations, ideas, etc. to wander in and out of my mind without trying to make any sense of it; I find that to be very relaxing.

@Surreal Snake, yeah I like incense too but I'm paranoid about fire; so I use, electric or battery operated candles, instead.


----------



## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

@_TreasureTower_

That's how I learned it. Besides sitting is a yoga position. But you don't necessarily need to sit, or practise within a ritual boundary to exercise mindfulness of breathing. You can practice mindfulness of breathing and contemplate on impermanence anywhere, if you are able to focus. 

However, a ritual boundary can help focus and concentrate, and in particular it can help with the acceptance of here and now (and self), as our mind tends to wander continuously from present to future anticipations or dwellings in the past. So you can decide 'okay, all the shitty issues at hand I will resume after my ritual'. You can turn of your phone or put a 'do not disturb' sign on your door. Dim the lights and light some incense (I like sandalwood in particular for this purpose), creating the context which can help to get in the right mindset. It's not unusual that after meditation you see the issues with much more clarity.


----------



## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

claude said:


> well you may be right, but I'm convinced it can be helpful, that's why I'm keeping this journal. Whats ten minutes out of my day anyway


I see....

Why not meditate (what is meditation actually?) for half an hour in the morning so you can be in a meditative state for the rest of the day? Personally I find this ridiculous. It's like Yoda said: "Do or do not, there is no try...."


----------



## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

TreasureTower said:


> @_All in Twilight_, why must you be so negative? If you have a better method for the OP, why not suggest that instead of pouring cold water on his efforts?


I am not negative. You either do something right or you don't, it's that simple. Either Jesus Christ died on the cross for your so called sins or he didn't. So you're either a Christian or you're not. And it's like that with everything.

I have done many things in my life and I have succeeded in all of them because I gave it my everything. And I am nobody so if I can do it, then why not you?


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I just sat for fifteen minutes, I felt my focus become more natural toward the end, and had a sense of calm happiness from following my breathe. I'm gonna start making sure to sit down and set a firm intention with myself to sit the whole time and to use be in that time fully, this journal is helping so far in making sure I do sit. One thing is I feel myself come into a calm openness but can quickly retreat into a sort of withdrawal. After meditating whats normally an almost automatic process, I'll fear something and think a thought related to that fear so quickly and think another though following it that sometimes I'll not even know what it was initially that set me into a negative spiral. I feel more in the moment and more able to make a decision to even notice that I'm making decisions constantly on whether to believe certain things.
@_All in Twilight_

I want to meditate in the mornings but my work and school schedule is weird atm, and yeah I'm hoping to move my time up, I'm gonna sit for 15 minutes for now for atleast a week or two and then go to twenty, but making sure to be devotedly consistent.
@_mimesis_

I've heard laying down or using a chair can be better if you have problems sitting, I'm going to try laying down next time as my posture isnt terrible but its not perfect either and I haven't had someone look at me to correct it. I think I'm going to go for a sitting session at some local place one time for that reason.


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

Day 3 done (3 I think). I don't feel particularly special, I'm gonna update this post instead of making another one for day 4 so as to not hog the first page. Occasionally I would meditate and felt like I went into a breakthrough and fell deeply into the present moment and that experience was so wonderful I decide to meditate again and be dissatisfied in that I couldn't reach the same results again so I'm plenty familiar with this I guess, and this part of some lesson to learn.

As a funny side note I was in my kitchen waiting for some rice to heat up and sort of observing my arm when my brother walks in and gives me a "your crazy look" and walks out after he sees me enamored with my arm as if I'd never appreciated it before.


Day 4. Hard a hard time concentrating, sat for fifteen minutes. Fidgeting/fixing posture.

I have been more able to notice myself veering in certain directions during the day and stop myself from getting "caught" or extricate myself if I have, but I don't know if it's noticeable enough to say it's because of my practice. Going to buy a zafu pad maybe, I don't know. I feel like jacks narrative voice in fight club reading this over to myself.


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

Day 5 done. I like the way everything seems more sensual in a calm way. Light seems softer, touch seems gentler. I'm able to get a lot more out of a few simple stretches after meditating. I'm doing this at almost three in the morning because I had so much to do today, but I feel calm and happy and ready to go to bed. Tomorrow I'm going to sit for twenty minutes, I have a presentation I havent prepared for at all and I'm terrible at public speaking, so I'm going to see how the experience will be different for me.

Usually at work I'll avoid people, and sort of go into a sort of manic interior dialogue with more and more anxiety throughout the day until I'm exhausted at the end, but lately I've been able to be calm enough to talk to people, and today didn't feel half bad even though I got off an hour late. Tomorrow I'm also going to have some green tea I think, I havent had caffeine in a while so I'm going to see how that effects my meditation.

also @_mimesis_ thank you for the link to that book, the little I've read so far I've really enjoyed.


day 6 I meditated for 15 minutes though I got out of the chair after ten because my back hurt and ended up laying on the floor for the last five, I was definitely distracted throughout, but overall had a good day.


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

day 7 & (8?)

meditated both days had good days, too busy really to comment on both of them as I meditated late at night. Todays helped, it definitely helps me to be more conscious in the midst of anger and other emotions throughout the day and they don't solidy into resentment.


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I don't know if its meditation but I am noticing things about my thinking that usually come as painful revelations on psychedelics. I tend to feel ashamed all the time, around people, even just walking down the street but I then project that as anger outwards, because "they" are making me feel bad. It's the sort of realization happiness, real happiness is only within yourself but it's still so hard to let go of those feelings, and struggling with them only seems to give them more energy. My suffering comes from my pride and my investment in my "ego" as it were, but approaching it is like approaching a wounded animal.

I'm not sure if I'm going to continue meditating for 15 minutes for another week to two weeks and then try sitting for twenty minutes, or stick with fifteen minutes for longer.


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

day 9/10 done, I think so anyway, I am certain I've meditated every day but not sure about the number of days. Going to go to sleep, but am going to reflect on this past week or so tomorrow.


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I missed two days which when it occurred to me was kind of shocking, but I meditated this morning. I'm moving my time up to 20 minutes since I feel comfortable now, and its something I actually enjoy. I've noticed I like meditating a lot in the morning, especially before breakfast and everything, just wake up stretch maybe talk to someone for a while or whatever, and before I throw myself into whatever it is I have to do, to sit as a way to start the day. Day 11/12 missed, but 13 done. I'm going to switch to twenty minutes on day 15


----------



## claude (Aug 20, 2009)

I've been meditating 20 minutes a day since my last journal entry. It has helped but I can't help but feel discouraged in some ways. My posture constantly grabs my attention, and my ability to focus on my breathe naturally for ten breathes in a row is a rare occurrence. I'm going to keep at it, but I'm sure I need to make some kind of adjustment. I even peeked a look at my timer the last 2-3 times I've sat or readjusted my posture in drastic enough ways to upset my concentration, so.. I need to set a firm intention beforehand I think.

I might buy a meditation cushion but they're somewhat pricey, I've been sitting in a chair with a pillow to my back,and I think part f the problem may be that I'm tall so the chair height may be awkward or my feet aren't firmly enough on the ground. I was hoping to take a ten day vipassana course during this winter break but it's full up, I'm still hoping to go to some place where someone can help me correct my posture or where I can sit for a longer period of time in a group.

I remember trying to meditate initially, not on a regular schedule, sporadically, and it sort of amazed me that I would tell myself I'm going to sit here for fifteen minutes and just pay attention, and I would somehow start squirming and give in and get up after 7 minutes. It's a definite change to being able to sit relatively comfortably for twenty minutes. Maybe this is a normal stumbling block? I've read a lot of people thinking they'rte meditating wrong but that you should stick with the practice nonetheless which is what I'm going to do. I imagine there's lessons to be learned in patience that arent given over to me after only twenty minutes of sitting so I'm going to continue this, and maybe up my sitting time soon.

I also hear about following your breathe naturally, not pulling or pulling, though a gentle pull can be ok? I've gotten better this I think as I used to either pull in hopes of expanding my breathe quickly or follow my breathe with such disinterest you could call it that distraction was unavoidable.

Another thing I've noticed is that my posture is naturally upright, one of the more consistent and drastic differences in a way. I've had bad posture from sitting in chairs for so long in adolescence and partly feeling that standing upright made me too tall, and caused me to stand out, which I wanted to avoid, so I would slouch, but lately I naturally stand upright easily and naturally, which helps me to feel clearheaded and sort of naturally calm and more open observant in a way. I notice this especially in moments of fear where your body tends to curl up and your chest goes inward, like in moments of feeling anxious or whatever it may be.


----------

