# SX First-Are You Usually In A Relationship?



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Okay, I just read that it was "rare" to find an SX out of a relationship. If I look at my history, this is definitely true for me. 

Is this common for all who have SX first in the variant stacking?


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

Used to be true, to an extent. I didn't necessarily need to be in a relationship; however, I did need to have someone "feed" me the attention if I wasn't in a relationship. Back in high school (and even before that in middle school and elementary), I always found myself crushing on a new person every couple of weeks, trying to get them to be my next boyfriend, etc. :blushed: 

Over the past year or so, I've became so much more picky. The idea of a relationship sounds nice, but... I can't just jump into things like I did in the past. I would honestly much rather be alone than in a relationship with somebody I didn't really give two shits about - but I was the complete opposite a few years ago. I would have jumped in a relationship quickly with just about anybody. 

With that said, I still need my male-attention! I may not be in a relationship, but I will date and/or keep male friends...because I need attention from them! :crazy:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Aerorobyn said:


> Used to be true, to an extent. I didn't necessarily need to be in a relationship; however, I did need to have someone "feed" me the attention if I wasn't in a relationship. Back in high school (and even before that in middle school and elementary), I always found myself crushing on a new person every couple of weeks, trying to get them to be my next boyfriend, etc. :blushed:
> 
> Over the past year or so, I've became so much more picky. The idea of a relationship sounds nice, but... I can't just jump into things like I did in the past. I would honestly much rather be alone than in a relationship with somebody I didn't really give two shits about - but I was the complete opposite a few years ago. I would have jumped in a relationship quickly with just about anybody.
> 
> With that said, I still need my male-attention! I may not be in a relationship, but I will date and/or keep male friends...because I need attention from them! :crazy:


Lol. I could totally relate. I used to need a crush in every class just so I could go to them in high school. 

However, I am finding out now it's not so much about male attention _for me_. It's more about having a target for my thoughts. It's about me having an object for my limerence. I enjoy those wonderful intrusive thoughts about a crush.

I am figuring this all out because for the first time in my life, I actually DON'T have an object (guy) feeding my desire for limerence. I'm neither in a relationship, nor am I crushing. That is incredibly weird for me. It's a hollow feeling. Sort of dead, actually. In addition it's making my 6ish nature question it. It's like it's too healthy, so there must be something wrong with me. Lol.

Anyway, I was always sort of embarrassed that I always needed a relationship. So it would be sort of cool to find that there are others out there like that. 

Are there any other SX that are actually walking the path of life alone? If so, how are you fulfilling your need for closeness? I'm studying enneagram. Hahaha.


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## midnightblonde (Aug 12, 2010)

Not true for me, I am usually not in a relationship. I've always been picky and I am very independent.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

midnightblonde said:


> Not true for me, I am usually not in a relationship. I've always been picky and I am very independent.


Seconded. Perhaps this has to do with 5s' tendency to withdraw.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

midnightblonde said:


> Not true for me, I am usually not in a relationship. I've always been picky and I am very independent.





perennialurker said:


> Seconded. Perhaps this has to do with 5s' tendency to withdraw.


I'm SX/SO. Do you have SP second in your stacking?


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> I'm SX/SO. Do you have SP second in your stacking?


I'm kind of curious about this now, too. I'm also an SX/SO. We really are twins, Pink! :shocked: 


Also, read this about SX 6's: 


*Sexual Sixes get their sense of security primarily from their emotional bond with a significant other. *But they also have many doubts, both about their own ability to have a suitable mate and about the mate's ability or willingness to really be there for them. Sexual Sixes often manifest a tension between their gender roles: they are both masculine and feminine, "macho" and coquettish. Moreover, Sexual Six women have a tough, tomboy side to them but still come across as feminine. Similarly, the men of this Variant display a sensitivity and vulnerability while being essentially masculine. Sexual Sixes also tend to be emotionally intense, like Eights and Fours. Part of this comes from anxiety about their ability to keep a strong, capable partner. Thus, Sexual Sixes try to cultivate their masculine or feminine attributes in order to find a good partner and, later, to remain appealing to this person. *Often, they feel most comfortable relating to members of the opposite sex and may feel competitive with the same sex.* They also tend to test their significant others to see if they are strong enough and to make sure that they are really committed to the relationship. When more stressed, Sexual Sixes can be emotionally volatile, with their feelings about people changing strongly and suddenly. They fall into suspiciousness about their partner and can be quite jealous, while at the same time feeling a strong need to "prove" their desirability.


Source: The Enneagram Blogspot: Type 6: Security-Seeker

So maybe it's a SX-6 thing... the fact that we "need" to have a person of the opposite gender, and, as the first sentence said, we feel most secure when we have that emotional bond...? 

Ugh. I can't even begin to describe how accurate that description is for me.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

I need to be in a relationship. At the very least I need attention. Attention and sex with randoms doesn't help for very long. I am just drawn to monogamous dating.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

I know an sx/so Type 2 who calls himself an intimacy addict. He desires intimate relationships to the extent where he feels dissatisfied when he isn't in one. I am trying to figure out my variant stacking. I don't think I am an sx first, but screamofconscious and I are discussing that in the What is my type section. Just to provide a contrast perhaps, I can see relationships as getting in the way of my academic and professional goals. This doesn't make sense to some people. But, in my last two years of university( incredibly busy with work and school, trying to make ends meet etc.), I was adamant about not entering a relationship (and remained single then) because I didn't think I had the time, attention and emotional energy a relationship deserves. I just need to feel like I have a stable footing in my life before I plunge into romance, exaggeration intended. :laughing:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Aerorobyn said:


> I'm kind of curious about this now, too. I'm also an SX/SO. We really are twins, Pink! :shocked:
> 
> 
> Also, read this about SX 6's:
> ...


Wow Robyn. Yep, me too. Crazy. And I'm "muy macho"? That's awesome. Hahaha.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> I'm SX/SO. Do you have SP second in your stacking?


This is an excellent point. I am SX/SP.


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## Ttown (Sep 21, 2010)

I am a sexual 4w5 and I'm always looking for a relationship. Even when I was as young as 6 I can remember constantly being infatuated with at least one guy. To me, relationships are the absolute most important thing in my life. An intimate relationship with a guy will always come before my job, family, school, health, whether for better or for worse. I can't help it, I just need attention from the opposite sex as much as possible. 
After I break up with someone, no matter how short or long the relationship was, I'll mope and be sad for about three weeks tops, then I'm out in the world again looking for my next man.


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## Nomenclature (Aug 9, 2009)

I'm SX/SO and, even though I'm young, the last time I didn't anchor my romantic attachment to someone is beyond my memory. It happens in contexts in and out of relationships and it's probably a big part of why I find it so bizarre when someone says that they're not crushing on anyone or even that there's just one. I'm picky, but I could see myself replicating that bond with a handful of people I know.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I think I'm barely realizing that is how I use this site as an SX first. I'm looking to get very deep and personal aka "intimate". I can now see it all over in my writing style. I open myself up looking for that "connection". 

Sort of cool when things start to make sense and you can look at yourself in a different way.


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> I think I'm barely realizing that is how I use this site as an SX first. I'm looking to get very deep and personal aka "intimate". I can now see it all over in my writing style. I open myself up looking for that "connection".
> 
> Sort of cool when things start to make sense and you can look at yourself in a different way.


I'm sx second, but I tend to think it's fairly heavy. I am extremely picky; but it's not so much based on personality, but the vibe they give me, and secondly their personal qualities (can they communicate?, are they trustworthy? do they persevere? can they offer support? are they grounded enough in reality? are they going somewhere? do they put effort into the things they do? are they adaptable? do they make me feel safe? are they dedicated? are they reliable? are they steady?). It's also very important that it's possible to have all the levels of intimacy with them; emotional, intellectual, physical, relational etc. If there's no possibility, I don't entertain the thought. I tend to pursue what interests me, as I like to be in control. I like to take it slow (that's the difference between me and sx firsts, me thinks ). Consequently, I find myself abstaining from relationships for the reasons above, and also because I don't enter them unless I am healthy and so are they. I am content with being on my own; I have to like someone more than my own freedom in order to initiate one. They have to be pretty damn special for me to do this. I may get initial vibes and immediately attracted or repelled, but I have to spend a lot of time thinking about whether I really like the person enough to be in a relationship with. Vibes are only one side of the equation. Most people don't pull me in enough with their personal qualities. 

I can see your Sx actually. I relate to the way you talk about yourself, and how you interact with others. 
I'm pretty sure i'm very low on the social variant. I find it amusing when heaps of people leave when others do, because I don't really care. The social commentary on group members I also find amusing.
I'm not here for the people en mass or to get to know everybody and for them to know me, i'm here to get a "buzz" or "something" from carefully selected individuals. It's the same in how I interact within most settings. I enjoy being a part of something like a volunteering group or such, but I always gravitate towards one or two people. If they go, i'll just look out for someone else. It's a very individual approach, and it gets me in trouble with people because I'm really only focused on certain individuals, and always on the look out for something that's very particular, everyone else I kind of neglect. I do like fitting in, but I don't work very hard to put much effort into securing a place. I just stay as I am and let myself drift in and out of the group, with my eyes set on the people who give me 'vibes'. I always have one foot in the group, one foot out, with my attention on other things.


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## midnightblonde (Aug 12, 2010)

perennialurker said:


> This is an excellent point. I am SX/SP.


Same here, in case anyone missed it from my sig.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

No, I noticed it. In fact I liked it so much that I attempted to remodel my signature after yours, in case you missed it from my sig.:wink:


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## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

I'm a SX first and never been in a relationship, :blushed:


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## Love Obsessed (Jul 28, 2009)

midnightblonde said:


> Not true for me, I am usually not in a relationship. I've always been picky and I am very independent.


The same for me not because I'm picky but for some reason guys don't like me.


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## Love Obsessed (Jul 28, 2009)

Ttown said:


> I am a sexual 4w5 and I'm always looking for a relationship. Even when I was as young as 6 I can remember constantly being infatuated with at least one guy. To me, relationships are the absolute most important thing in my life. An intimate relationship with a guy will always come before my job, family, school, health, whether for better or for worse. I can't help it, I just need attention from the opposite sex as much as possible.
> After I break up with someone, no matter how short or long the relationship was, I'll mope and be sad for about three weeks tops, then I'm out in the world again looking for my next man.


I'm totally like that too. I'm 4w5 sx/sp. When I was younger I was infatuated with guys. I used to constantly look for a relationship. But it was killing me, so I stopped. In fact, when I go out I turn my sexual energy off or looking for a mate energy.


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