# ■How can I break this vicious cycle, get better grades & become successful again? Plz



## Twelve (Jul 23, 2016)

You seems to be quite lonely actually. For what I understand you feel like you don't belong there because you're not close to anyone so you just want to run away from it. Have you tried to talk to someone who is alone? There is surely a person in some of your class who stay alone and is shy. Maybe try to talk to this person? Or try to get involved in the campus? Like joining a club or something. I think you should try to be happy again before trying to get good grades, as long as you're depressed it will be very complicated anyway. 
IMO, you should focus on meeting new people, especially those who aren't in a group already so you can make a "group" with them somehow. I would be surprised if you were the only one in this situation.


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## Flow Ozzy (Nov 7, 2015)

Twelve said:


> You seems to be quite lonely actually. For what I understand you feel like you don't belong there because you're not close to anyone so you just want to run away from it. Have you tried to talk to someone who is alone? There is surely a person in some of your class who stay alone and is shy. Maybe try to talk to this person? Or try to get involved in the campus? Like joining a club or something. I think you should try to be happy again before trying to get good grades, as long as you're depressed it will be very complicated anyway.
> IMO, you should focus on meeting new people, especially those who aren't in a group already so you can make a "group" with them somehow. I would be surprised if you were the only one in this situation.


It is really difficult, once you find yourself in such a position. I have been into such situations and most of the time the only thing you can do is to just 'stay there', if you stay there chances are that you will probably make some friends ... on the contrary, staying there all alone can also make you feel like shit and you end up getting more depressed.


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## ashleysummer (Aug 5, 2015)

Hello friend. When you feel you are close to dispair, never refuse from the help of your frends or find out some professional help. When I hang at the end of the rope, I always ask somebody to help me out, cause I know I'll never manage on my own.


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## ShatteredHeart (Jul 11, 2014)

@itselly To me, your social life (or lack thereof) is likely the root problem. Have you looked into any clubs: anime, sports, fashion, science, car etc... on campus to make some connections? spending sometime with people that enjoy the same interests may be just what you need.


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## leevatcvtt (Aug 9, 2016)

itselly said:


> Hi,
> I'm a uni student & "IF" things go well, I'll finish uni in about 2 yrs.
> 
> 
> ...


I have the same cases as you but you lucky to have friends not like me.... Fight on!


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## itselly (Jun 6, 2015)

Awww thanks everyone for continuing this thread & trying to help!!!

The clinic job ended so well. I mean I tried to work hard & at the end my boss gave me a very good grade (we need it for uni)!

But other than not loving Vet-med itself, my main social problem isn't not belonging to a special club..., I'm not that bad/unhappy outside of vet school.

My main problem is vet-school, the whole atmosphere, my history there, my grades, my classmates & peers, my professors, etc...

I mean, even if I join thousands of clubs & groups, I don't think it can help. Cuz it doesn't erase my main problems.

I mean, I can join lotsa clubs, sign in for lotsa classes & find out new hobbies &/or try to socialize with other ppl (outside of uni), but at the end of the day, I have to go back to uni (everyday) & spend many boring & depessing hours in a class as an outsider.

With professors & peers who don't count on me, don't appreciate me, etc.
With bad grades (bad history) that I'm not able to change!

...& that's going to bring back my problems...the vicious cycle!

Even If I have a good life outside of uni, when I know I'm going back to uni & I have to deal with all of those things again, it's not going to help me get rid of my "main problem".



For my summer job during summer, I had to visit lotsa different vet-related places (I chose "my real hometown" for my vet summer job) & I had to work at all of them (a few days for each).

Almost all ppl I worked for appreciated me & gave me good grades. I slowly started getting more sociable & more comfy.
Most of them probably "thought" I'm probably a very good student where I study.

But I know I'm going to get depressed soon. & my problems start when I get back to uni again.
That uni sounds like "hell" or like a torture to me!

My social skills go from average/not that bad to almost zero.
My mood changes from not bad to depressed.
I can't even hold a real conversation with my classmates.

Each time I motivate myself, plan & tell myself that I'm going to change for better, I'm going to get more active there, I'm going to socialize more, I'm going to get better grades, etc...

But then I get back to uni & it takes all of my energy.
Even being there takes my energy.
Socializing with my peers takes alot of energy from me!
I think all of them hate me!
I get inferiority complex there & it "really" changes me for worse!!!

Every morning, I wake up knowing that I have to go there again & be in my "least favorite atmosphere". Somewhere I cannot shine or show my true potentials.
Where I have no friends, & nothing interesting orinspiring is going to happen.
I have to sit in every class pretending that I'm busy with my phone, looking like a lonely weirdo who has no friends, no good potentials & nothing to talk about.

& nobody is really interested in me. All of them have found their clique/besties on campus.
Nobody really comes to me to start a conversation, or even to ask a question.

& some of my professors probably hate me for my grades...


You know...if I were in high school or middle school, & you came to me & told me that all of this is going to happen to me one day, I would laugh at you & tell you that it's never going to happen to me!!!


As for living off campus...., I know staying on campus would be interesting "in general, not now". But I go to uni in the same town my mom & I live. I live an hour/half an hour away from uni. So I live off-campus! I sorta have to!


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## ShatteredHeart (Jul 11, 2014)

@itselly
If you joined some clubs to socialize with classmates, then you won't be so much of an outsider. As for the grades, you may be able to apply for academic bankruptcy if they are real bad and start over.


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## ShatteredHeart (Jul 11, 2014)

@itselly
If you joined some clubs to socialize with classmates, then you won't be so much of an outsider. As for the grades, you may be able to apply for academic bankruptcy if they are real bad and start over.


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## letsrunlikecrazy (Sep 21, 2015)

I think it'd be best if you adjust your expectations, set clear goals, and focus on one thing at a time. It sounds like you're having a lot of negative thoughts that end up self-fulfilling prophecies, but adding to the problem is having overly high expectations that are inappropriate for the current situation and feeling even more disappointed because you're so far from the girl you used to be. But the past is the past and now is now. 

Regarding the social situation: Dorm life isn't necessarily what it's cracked up to be. I lived in dorms for the first two years of uni, then I lived near campus in apartments. The first two years of dorm life didn't really help me make friends. Granted, I had social anxiety and I'm awkward around most people in general. Anyway, even when people said hi to me and tried to be friendly I never felt comfortable opening up. I rarely ever spoke with my roommate and kind of wished she wasn't there. I did make two friends while living in the dorms but we rarely talked or hung out after we moved out and stopped running into each other. And never mind the drunk people stumbling around in the hallways at night and being loud, the occasional vomit on the carpet, the dirty communal kitchen where everything is greasy, the dirty bathrooms, always running into people you'd rather avoid, etc. 

To be honest, most of my college friendships evaporated after graduation. Maybe I just didn't make very good friends. But I'm not great at maintaining ties, I guess, and once you stop seeing each other regularly half the friendship is gone. You can meet people, make friends. You can't make the friendships last, not without mutual effort and some luck. 

College isn't supposed to be the best time of your life, whatever people say. You go to college to get a degree. So try not to care about the social surroundings too much and just study. Open up your textbooks and read. That's what I did in high school when I was even shyer than I was in college and had no friends. You have to focus on your goals for the future.

It's really not a good idea to major in something you don't like just for the financial aspect. You're putting yourself at too much of a disadvantage. Imagine the classmates who do like the major. You'll never do as well as them, assuming your talents and studying habits are equal. Also, you'll never be able to relate with them closely as classmates, because you don't share the same experience. Theirs was rewarding and maybe fun. Yours was difficult and stressful. If you try talking with them about school, they'll get negative vibes from you and the conversation won't flow well. But it's not your fault and in a way it doesn't matter, so don't be too hard on yourself.

If you're going to continue with your major, you'll just have to accept this and focus on studying. To do this successfully, you'll have to change yourself and your mindset, kind of, and find the right motivation. For one thing, don't expect high grades for yourself. It's not realistic anymore - you're behind, you haven't been studying, you don't like your classes. But don't get stuck thinking about the negatives. Be realistic. You CAN pass your classes and get your degree. You have work experience. You won't be that high-achieving girl anymore, but you also won't be the girl that fails all her classes. And that's a start. Secondly, don't expect easy friendships. You're a loner, that's just how it is right now. It's not forever, just for now. Accept it. It's not the worst thing ever - you could have lots of friends that are terrible instead. You're spared a lot of dumb social pressure and you have more free time to do what you like instead of following friends around and listening to their whatever. Being a sad and desperate loner is miles worse than being a plain old loner, anyway. Paradoxically, being a loner who gives off the look of being untroubled and self-accepting often attracts people.

As a side note, most people are too busy with their own lives to focus on random strangers, even their classmates or students (this is something my college counselor told me when I told him about my social anxiety, and which is true). I really doubt your professors hate you because of your grades. I'm assuming they have lots of students and lots more who graduated and left the school. Do they even know your name? If they noticed you and your grades at all, they might feel concerned and worried for you instead. And if you start doing better, they'll see you as somebody who's working hard and improving. 

You might want to take a break from school and go on a trip or something, just to clear your head so you can see the situation in a different light. It sounds like you're still struggling with adjusting to the new environment. You're probably overwhelmed emotionally with multiple issues at once (difficulty socializing, feeling left out, insecurity, your studies, uncertainty) and in this situation you have to be coolheaded about things and look at one issue at a time, but obviously it's hard in your current situation.

Right now the simplest thing you can do is make one small move against the vicious cycle. My screen background has a quote which says: "Stop talking and start doing." It can also mean "stop thinking and start doing." Start when you're home, away from the dreaded school with all those classmates and professors. Just set a tiny studying goal and do it. Then set another goal and do that. And again. If you go to class and things don't go well, don't think you failed. Heck, some people don't even show up for class. You sat through the lecture, at least, as boring as it was.

Anyway, you need to think seriously about whether you want to continue with your current program or not. To me it looks like you're not benefiting from it at all. I don't know what the job market for vet school grads are like but... can you be sure you'll have a good job after you graduate? 

Also, don't stop pursuing your interests just because you're studying something that's so-so or boring. If you really don't feel like studying at all, do design stuff. Take free online classes. When you're at school, go to the library and check out books on design and architecture. Audit a class. This way you'll be working towards something whether you reach your goal of doing well in your major or not.

Consulting with a career counselor and/or a mental health counselor at your school could help, as well.


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## itselly (Jun 6, 2015)

letsrunlikecrazy said:


> Anyway, you need to think seriously about whether you want to continue with your current program or not. To me it looks like you're not benefiting from it at all. I don't know what the job market for vet school grads are like but... can you be sure you'll have a good job after you graduate?


No, I can never be sure about that until I actually graduate & start looking for a job!
Specially with my bad grades, things can be worse for me...unless I really change & start getting better grades!


But you know...to me vet-med is not like what I want. It's just s.th. I have that I don't want to lose!

It's like an item that you have in your basement. You don't really use it & you sorta know you probably will never use it, but then when it comes to giving it to someone else, or throwing it into the trash can, you can't do it.
You say "it's mine, I paid for it, It was expensive, I don't want to lose it, It might be useful one day, I might miss it!"

This is my attitude toward Veterinary med.

I tell myself that I have already gone through lotsa things, so I have to finish what I started.

__________________________________________________

■other than that, Thanks alot for you amazing motovational post!
I guess you were right when you said "stop thinking start doing (at least at home)"!

But ofcourse "starting it" or "continuing it" might be a bit hard!

Thanks alot for everything!
...even for sharing your experience! 

I hope I can deal with being a loner!
Sometimes, I think what makes it worse is me asking myself dramatic questions...

...things like...
What if my being a loner is weird to ppl?
What if I have a problem that I'm a loner?
Will I always be a loner?
What if I get socially naive?
What if ppl talk behind my back when they see I'm a loner?
What if I stay alone in a possible future group project or lab?


Cause...imagine a class where almost everyone has a friend & all ppl are talking together,
While one person...only one person is sitting alone, doing nothing!!!

I'm not the only one who's living off-campus.
Our class representer also lives off campus.
But she's a social/extrovert girl, plus, she's the class representer, so usually she's very busy, & most ppl respect her.

...& also two other girls...but they're in a clique with one other girl in our class & they don't let anyone else in!
Actually they sort of intimidate me!!!


Anyways...I probably shouldn't think about these things now!!!


Thanks alot for your amazing post!!!!
I hope I can change for better!!!


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