# INTJ's and their significant lack of sexual desire



## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

WHY??? It's like the bane of my existance!!


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## Savy (Dec 9, 2010)

:sad:

Have to talked to them? Maybe they're unsure or uncomfortable about how to go about it.


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## Hemoglobin (May 13, 2010)

This has already been discussed in the libido thread.

http://personalitycafe.com/intj-forum-scientists/26390-libido.html

I do not believe there is a correlation between MBTI and libido.


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## Archangel (Sep 11, 2010)

A heartless human is stronger than a caring monster.


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

My libido is directly reflected in how much disdain I have for the person. The more annoyed I am, the less I want you around at all. I don't have much hate sex.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

Hmm, yeah, dunno what to tell ya 'cause all the INTJ guys I know are quite horny, to put it politely.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

INTJ women can be especially cold.


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## taylor2005 (Aug 15, 2010)

Okay ... I just don't understand ... What?

This is stupid. Yeah, I said it ...


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## Azwan (Nov 2, 2010)

Bad troll is bad.


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## taylor2005 (Aug 15, 2010)

Uwace said:


> Bad troll is bad.


What troll? Are you planning something?


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## farbegi (Oct 23, 2010)

fireheat said:


> WHY??? It's like the bane of my existance!!


Go slow is my best advice.


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## Hemoglobin (May 13, 2010)

farbegi said:


> Go slow is my best advice.


You can always mix it up with hard, fast, rough, and gentle? Possibly some rope and maybe a blind fold?


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## taylor2005 (Aug 15, 2010)

hemoglobin said:


> You can always mix it up with hard, fast, rough, and gentle? Possibly some rope and maybe a blind fold?


:blushed: sheesh


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

Try listening to the object of your desire. Perhaps taking an interest in the object as if they might be :shocked:another human with concerns, thoughts and desires. Don't hassle object of desire, it just makes the object resentful.


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## Filo (Aug 11, 2010)

I burn like hard coal: difficult to ignite, but once you get it going, it burns so hot it could melt nigh anything. Lack of sexual desire my ass.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

asexual people are extremely rare. It's unlikely you'll find one.


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## 0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 (Nov 22, 2009)

Its not that we don't have any sexual desires; they just don't manifest themselves in the same way as a Ne dominant. We have a lot of self-control, and will often give or withhold everything, if you can breach that layer. If you press, though, you will only likely alienate them. If your overly concerned about sexual desire, they may see you as shallow. The Morrigan's advice here is good.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

Apollo Celestio said:


> asexual people are extremely rare. It's unlikely you'll find one.


Ugh, apparently I did...

And I'm not trollin,


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

fireheat said:


> Ugh, apparently I did...
> 
> And I'm not trollin,


There are a number of illnesses and medications that affect libido.

diabetes, anemia, antidepressants, some pain meds. The list is huge. Here is just one page I found off google.

Be Aware of the Libido Busting Illnesses and Medications


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

fireheat said:


> Ugh, apparently I did...
> 
> And I'm not trollin,


You're not trollin, but you are ignoring that you can't crack an INTJ nut with brute force and complaints. So yes, I believe INTJs lack sexual desire towards you.


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## Anahata (Aug 11, 2010)

Filo said:


> difficult to ignite,


Don't.

Make.

Me. 

Laugh.

:crazy:

Funny Filo is funny!


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## RericA (Sep 7, 2010)

To: vivacissimamente

I love your sig! I do that all the time, it kicks my brain into gear when my mind is wandering too much to concentrate and make decisions on things I am not terribly interested in.

To OP:

and the sex thing? I love sex. I find it quite entertaining, and like anything else I enjoy, I'm phenomenal at it. In regards to sex with people I am not seriously interested in however, I find it difficult to summon the energy. Maybe its not that INTJs don't like sex, they just don't want it with you? You are an ENFP. Bubbly idealists turn me off....:bored:


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## Choptop (Nov 20, 2010)

Greatest sex follows intellectual discussion.


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## Biracial (Sep 8, 2010)

fireheat said:


> WHY??? It's like the bane of my existance!!


please you must be with a DUD

cus there ain't nothing wrong with my sex drive honay!


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

wealldie said:


> My libido is directly reflected in how much disdain I have for the person. The more annoyed I am, the less I want you around at all. I don't have much hate sex.


 I'm best friends with this girl, I just wanted to take it a step further, but not only is she not sexually interested in me, but she won't even date me... Note, I'm an ENFP, she loves my Ne, but as typical from what I've heard, I guess she's just really late to want to date..


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

RericA said:


> To OP:
> 
> and the sex thing? I love sex. I find it quite entertaining, and like anything else I enjoy, I'm phenomenal at it. In regards to sex with people I am not seriously interested in however, I find it difficult to summon the energy. Maybe its not that INTJs don't like sex, they just don't want it with you? You are an ENFP. Bubbly idealists turn me off....:bored:


Well, I literally can't be turned on without at least being close to them, and we're very close. And as far as ENFP's go, I'm pretty chill, though I'm sure I would still seem bubbly to an introvert... its just that when I'm with introverts I'm pretty calm, but around extraverts, particularly EP's, I can seem very excitable...


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

_Do_ they have a lack of sexual desire?

Or are they just really good at managing it?

I'm an INFP and I'm not exactly humping anybody's leg :mellow:

So it doesn't strike me as evenly remotely strange that an INTJ could be just as good as I am about managing their horniness so that they aren't banging every piece of ass that comes their way. I've heard that they just save it for when they're actually in a relationship with someone, and don't see a point for seeking it out if it's taking their time away from something more useful they could be doing. 

But when they _are_ in a relationship and having sex, I've heard they're quite good :wink:


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## topgun31 (Nov 23, 2010)

I always thought MBTI described higher cognitive function and not libido. I think the enneagram instincts/subtypes describe libido.

I would think an INTJ can be seen by others as a rock sexually due to their introverted nature and strong Ni and Ti functions.

So an INTJ can have the sex drive of Charlie Sheen or Mick Jagger but not manifest it in an extroverted way...to most people anyways.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

INTJs "lacking" sexual desire? *laugh*

Asexuality isn't that common. On a more serious note, the INTJs I know are selective and mature. They don't seem like the kind of people who would enjoy sex with a person they don't love and aren't committed to. It doesn't make them less desirous of sex, though. I have INTJ female friends who are as intense and focused when it comes to sex as they are with other activities they find meaningful. 

I don't have a lot of INTJ male friends, but I am sure they approach sex with the same serious and focused intensity that they approach most other things they are interested in. I dated one. He was quite the beast in bed, to say the very least. He was very goal-oriented, the goal being my pleasure. I am sure others who have dated INTJs can attest that they can be pretty fab lovers, though their form of expression may be quite different from an extrovert's. So, I laughed out very loudly when I read the word "lacking" in the sexual desire context. Not all of course, it's obvious that libido varies from person to person and can be affected by stress, illness etc. Still, it would be a crude generalization to say that INTJs lack sexual desire.


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## s0n1c800m (Dec 6, 2010)

I asked my INTJ once if he had an off switch.
He just smiled and dared me to look for it. :wink:

That said, he spent the last four years single and nonsexual because no one else had "turned on [his] mind".

She either wants you or she doesn't, and she's not likely to dissemble.


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## Hemoglobin (May 13, 2010)

topgun31 said:


> I always thought MBTI described higher cognitive function and not libido. I think the enneagram instincts/subtypes describe libido.
> 
> I would think an INTJ can be seen by others as a rock sexually due to their introverted nature and strong Ni and *Ti* functions.
> 
> So an INTJ can have the sex drive of Charlie Sheen or Mick Jagger but not manifest it in an extroverted way...to most people anyways.


Please read up on your cognitive functions theory.

INTJs use Te not Ti...


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## topgun31 (Nov 23, 2010)

hemoglobin said:


> Please read up on your cognitive functions theory.
> 
> INTJs use Te not Ti...


oops. my bad. in that case it would be just Ni then


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

I don't know ANY INTJ's that aren't duds... or at least absurdly hard to crack. I was convinced she was asexual until she said when she was ready she wanted to have two kids when she's ready.. unfortunately, 1, She rejected me, and 2, She wants to settle down in, of all places, the Midwest...

Oh well, at least I'll have my friendship with her.. Being a fairly balanced (Except for F/T) ENFP, I like having deep, meaningful relationships with people, but I do have a definite E preference, so I like lots of friends... I just wonder what I can do... I'm really lonely, and she's one of the few who reach my standards


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

So an INTJ girl you like won't sleep with you...or even date you...and you conclude all INTJs are lacking in sexual desire?
You need to preserve your ego so much that you are prepared to consider an entire type asexual just to avoid admitting that she does not want you?
ffs.

She's just not that into you.
Get over yourself.


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

fireheat said:


> I don't know ANY INTJ's that aren't duds...
> ..... I'm really lonely, and she's one of the few who reach my standards


Wow....that's just wow.

If you are after someone who is cerebral (INTJ) for sex you might want to stop calling them duds. Sex is a cerebral thing for a lot of INTJs.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

fireheat said:


> Ugh, apparently I did...
> 
> And I'm not trollin,


ahh, just stick to the NFs would you? Then it's unlikely you will ever have this complaint again. :laughing: 
But honestly I have no idea if you can determine sex drive through type, except that us NFs seem pretty open about it.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

lirulin said:


> So an INTJ girl you like won't sleep with you...or even date you...and you conclude all INTJs are lacking in sexual desire?
> You need to preserve your ego so much that you are prepared to consider an entire type asexual just to avoid admitting that she does not want you?
> ffs.
> 
> ...


Dude, I can take the remarks about my ego, that may have something here, but you could at least consider that I'm not just being a total asshole, and that all the INTJ's I know, ARE, in fact, not in the least bit, sexual.

Granted, I'm just in high school; I'm not looking for any legitimate sex anyway, just hints of something behind closed doors. (That makes sense, right?) Sex is risky at this age. I'd rather be much safer and just stay a virgin. But people could be at least a little more fun than that.. toplessness or something?

Anyway, I feel like I'm just getting bashed by a bunch of INTJ's. Perhaps I shouldn't have named the thread that, but so far in my life it's true.

So calm down guys, obviously she's not into me, I'm not crying about it or anything. I was just wondering why the hell she would want to be perfectly alone. Obviously that works for some of the more emotionally detached types, sorry I didn't realize.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

fireheat said:


> Granted, I'm just in high school; I'm not looking for any legitimate sex anyway, just hints of something behind closed doors. (That makes sense, right?) Sex is risky at this age. I'd rather be much safer and just stay a virgin. But people could be at least a little more fun than that.. toplessness or something?


That puts a completely different take on it.

When I was a teenager I would have been a bit more cautious too. I mean hello? Not every teenage girl is going to just throw themselves at every guy who shows them any attention. And no the topless thing wouldn't have worked for me at that age either. You probably overwhelmed her, and given what you just said I think she is wise to cool things with you. If you really like her, then cool down some and take things slowly.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

INTJ's can be horny alright. And romantic, too. They just won't share it easily, at all. It's not their most natural comfort zone. They learn to open up around the right people, but especially, with the right type of GROWTH.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> That puts a completely different take on it.
> 
> When I was a teenager I would have been a bit more cautious too. I mean hello? Not every teenage girl is going to just throw themselves at every guy who shows them any attention. And no the topless thing wouldn't have worked for me at that age either. You probably overwhelmed her, and given what you just said I think she is wise to cool things with you. If you really like her, then cool down some and take things slowly.


I didn't throw myself at her, I've been friends with this girl for at least a year now, and I did open up a bit to her, maybe a bit too much, but one, I wasn't expecting much, just maybe some sort of _something_ and still, it wasn't that simple. First off, she suspected it, and had no problems with it, she just didn't want to go out... I'm sorry, I guess I was being a typical ENFP and being really vague.

I've been friends with her for about a year now, about six months ago we became close, and we've grown closer and closer, until a few weeks ago when I realized I was totally crushing on her... and I posted this late at night, being stupid and horny, and most of all, lonely... note my mood.. anyway, that kinda ended when she rejected me.. which leads me to believe either I've grown up a hell of a lot, or that it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

Anyway, we're closer than ever now, but being a rebellious, hippy, teenage ENFP, I don't really associate sex with anything more than best-friendship, and instead reserve my full heart and soul for my true love... but in any case, I'm just sad she isn't the social creature I am, I guess... I haven't been douchey to her or anything, so don't say I need to slow down or anything.

She's just a really great girl, and I'm sad that I won't get her...


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

fireheat said:


> Dude, I can take the remarks about my ego, that may have something here, but you could at least consider that I'm not just being a total asshole, and that all the INTJ's I know, ARE, in fact, not in the least bit, sexual.
> 
> Granted, I'm just in high school; I'm not looking for any legitimate sex anyway, just hints of something behind closed doors. (That makes sense, right?) Sex is risky at this age. I'd rather be much safer and just stay a virgin. But people could be at least a little more fun than that.. toplessness or something?
> 
> ...


There is no evidence that they are not sexual.
They just don't want to do that kind of thing with_ you._
Know the difference.


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## Naama (Dec 5, 2010)

my INTJ friend is jokingly called the sexgod by few of our friends


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

lirulin said:


> There is no evidence that they are not sexual.
> They just don't want to do that kind of thing with_ you._
> Know the difference.


I'm not talking about people I've made advances towards, I'm saying they just aren't sexual. Quit being so patronizing.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

TheMorrigan said:


> Wow....that's just wow.
> 
> If you are after someone who is cerebral (INTJ) for sex you might want to stop calling them duds. Sex is a cerebral thing for a lot of INTJs.


What I complain about online hardly represents what I say to people.


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

fireheat said:


> I'm not talking about people I've made advances towards, I'm saying they just aren't sexual. Quit being so patronizing.


And the only evidence you bring forward re this "fact" is their lack of interest in you. This is not convincing - especially to INTJs who know damn well what we're capable of.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

lirulin said:


> And the only evidence you bring forward re this "fact" is their lack of interest in you. This is not convincing - especially to INTJs who know damn well what we're capable of.


Okay, I already addressed that I dun goofed by generalizing (even though from my experience they are all duds), chill out. Obviously you weren't reading what I said closely enough. :dry:

And I never claimed it as fact. quit putting words in my mouth.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

Fireheat, imagine a massive block of ice.

In the core of that ice, there's a very warm spot, hidden from view from everyone and everything.
Unless an INTJ wants you to see it, you'll never set your eyes on it.
In that core lies our sexuality (we are sexual, yes).
However, we don't show it or give any sexual signs if we don't have the slightest interest in you in a sexual way.

Not being sexual near you = I don't give a hoot about doing anything with you/I don't like you enough for that.

I hope that's clear now.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

ilphithra said:


> Fireheat, imagine a massive block of ice.
> 
> In the core of that ice, there's a very warm spot, hidden from view from everyone and everything.
> Unless an INTJ wants you to see it, you'll never set your eyes on it.
> ...


If I hadn't picked that up from the rest of the thread, I would be very, VERY stupid.

I'm not sure why I haven't closed the thread yet, I guess I just figured someone might be useful and actually assist me find said core, but yeah, clearly everyone is so ticked at me for being so slow-witted that you don't have time for me. :dry:


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## dreamer 1977 (Dec 14, 2010)

My brother's an INTP and I've noticed he's not that horny at all for a male his age.


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## PBateman (Feb 27, 2010)

I would say that on a biological level my "sex drive" is quite normal, if not above average. However, my disdain for most of humanity tends to outweigh any desire I may have to act on those impulses. I've found that women are sexiest when they exist purely in a idealized form, such as in a picture or from a distance. They always ruin it when they talk and reveal themselves to be either i) vapid, or ii) mundane. 

That being said, I'm not entirely opposed to the notion having a sexual relationship. It just takes time. I have to know the person very well, and at least have some kind of passing respect for them. They also must meet my exceedingly high standards for physical beauty. However my last few encounters with such relationships have sort of turned me off to the notion. I tend to have an aversion to many of the things that come with a sexual romantic relationship. Intimacy makes me ill, and I hate the emotional baggage that tends to accompany such associations. 

So while I do have rather normal sexual desires on a fundamental biological level, those desires are ever subordinate to my mind and ideals.


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