# Fe and Politeness



## Eric B (Jun 18, 2010)

Dementia in Absentia said:


> What do you mean by project it out at others and demanding that their social skills be better? Can you give a specific example as to how that would be demonstrated?


I can't think of any really specific examples right now. A bit more generally, is that I'm told such and such behavior is wrong when I do it; I then see someone else doing it, so then I'm harder on that person because I was not allowed to get away with it. 
In Berens' _Dynamics of Personality Type_, she gives an example from herself about "projecting blame" on people through inferior Fe, because they did not tell her something, but she admits being the one to omit consideration of their perspective, in addition to her difficulty finding them ultimately being her own fault for ignoring nonprimary functional awareness such as Se.


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## unico (Feb 3, 2011)

I try to act polite and harmony among people is important to me, but there are times where I'm frustrated and act rudely. That is usually when I'm really stressed. I agree with everyone who said being polite just makes things easier, but I also care about what people think of me usually, and I am concerned about hurting others, so being nice and being polite are valued by me.


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## adelissa (Nov 3, 2010)

This is interesting...I consider myself to have a dominant or aux fi (still debating) I know what I feel but I also am polite and nice because I want everyone to like me (probably fe) A lot of times I am irritated by people in general and don't really care how they are feeling at any given moment, more concerned with my feelings about something ( I do a lot of pity partying about no one cares what I think or feel sniff sniff lol) , but I don't have a drive to be true to myself necessarily, I understand that some behaviors are simply nicer, and morality is probably the single thing that drives me, so I usually beat myself up for being self absorbed and put on a friendly face. Sometimes when someone has been particularly nasty to me, my empathy kicks in, what must their life be like that they have gotten so bitter and mean? And when it all comes down to it, I really want every one to be happy... typical P I guess....


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## Zlumos (Jul 2, 2011)

Btmangan said:


> At first, I instantly empathized with your post. I remembered all those times my manipulative/nosy/domineering grandma and aunts grilling me and getting passive aggressive on me because I wouldn't play ball...
> 
> But then I recognized a way my experience and your experience are different, Pink.
> 
> I completely understood why my Grandma and my aunts wanted me to preform the social rituals, and I understood the Fe "lines" that I had crossed. I just chose to cross them anyways, because they were bullshit. I suppose with Fi... the Fi user would be less aware that they had crossed a line.


I usually try not to cross the line. Not sure if this is an example of Fe + Ti in an INFJ, but maybe someone can tell me. I'm atheist but I occasionally go to the temple with family and go through the whole incense-burning and praying ritual. Doesn't bother me at all actually. I know what I believe in on the inside so I don't feel like I'm betraying anything when I do all this. (I do remember a Christian friend who could not let herself step inside a temple.) It's easy to see how Fe can become vulnerable, so a person needs a strong sense of self behind the cheery 'go with the flow' attitude.


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## Ubuntu (Jun 17, 2011)

I used to be very polite when I was a teenager but I got sick of people rolling their eyes and making "ooookkkaaaayyy, weirdo" faces and being generally disrespectful so I just stopped saying 'please' and 'thank you' and trying to be agreeable and learned to be as impersonal/brisk as possible. By default, it's my instinct to be polite, I'm paranoid of offending people and could analyze for days if I thought that I did or said something to hurt someone else. I feel guilt easily if I view the other person as sweet or innocent. I've become so misanthropic that I'm rarely polite anymore and will readily let most people know that they can die for all I care.


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