# Low sexual interest and sex drive- am I normal?



## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Just wondering. 

I've never had that much interest in sex or sex drive. Even when I was in a relationship I was more interested in intellectual compatibility or emotional compatibility then physical compatibility. 

I'm not currently in a sexual relationship and I feel totally okay with that. If I never had sex again, I'd be perfectly okay with that. There are lots of other things in life that give me pleasure.

The thing is, I hear all these people talk, talk, talk about sex and their sex lives and how they are not getting enough or how they prefer this technique over that or how they wish their partner would do more of X. 

Even though I'm perfectly happy with my life as it is, I have to wonder if there's something I'm missing. I've only had one sexual partner *ever* and while it was enjoyable at the time it wasn't that big of a deal to me.

I wonder if my low drive has to do with my upbringing. Growing up, sex wasn't something you did unless you were married. My parents never openly talked about sex to me. I think my parents saw the main purpose of sex as a means of procreation. If they did it for pleasure, they certainly didn't share that with me. 

Growing up, I was also discouraged from flaunting my sexuality. I was criticized for wearing even the most slightly revealing top when in reality, it was far from the "revealing" things others were wearing. I could have cared less about flaunting sexuality. I just wore what appealed to me.

Maybe its personality related. Most likely I'm an INTP and INTPs aren't exactly the first type you think of when the word "sex" comes up.

I just want to know if there are others that feel the same as I do. Those who feel sex is overrated in our society and wonder why its such a big deal.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

It could be a sexual dysfunction as labeled by some physicians. I know there are pills on the market for women with low-libidos. I've heard about it but I don't suffer from it, so I'm sorry I can't really help much. I just know that it can be labeled as low sex drive or low libido. 

I think if you are not hurting physically or emotionally, it shouldn't be much of a problem. But honestly, it depends upon your relationship with your partner (when you are in one). I can understand why that would be distressing if they want it when you don't. You shouldn't be forced to do something you are not comfortable with. Society might look for reasons to justify why you are that way but I don't see the harm in your low-libido, as long as you're happy. Also, if you're on a birth control pill it can affect how your body reacts.


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## Noble4 (Feb 1, 2011)

Dementia in Absentia said:


> I've only had one sexual partner *ever* and while it was enjoyable at the time it wasn't that big of a deal to me.


That's because they didn't hit the right spots.


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

this society is hyper-sexualized, whether people want to admit it or not, the ideological content in every piece of entertainment out there implies that everyone should be craving sex, and it becomes reality for most of us, not everybody feels sex is the most important thing, so I wouldn't worry all that much especially if you're happy with that state of mind.


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## StandingTiger (Dec 25, 2010)

I have two good INTP friends. They couldn't give a shit about sex; they just don't care about it at all.

However, when they have it offered, they're like rabbits.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Trust me, upbringing has very little to do with your sex drive. Sex drive is a combination of your hormone levels, and your mental dependency on sex. It sounds to me like you have very little of both. You could be an asexual- someone born with such low hormone levels that you have no physical desire for sex. When you were in a relationship, did you enjoy sex at all? Did you ever have the desire for it while you were with your partner?

Of course, there are other factors. You don't have to answer this, but... how many times have you actually had intercourse? Some people don't really feel that urge as strongly until they become sexually active, either through regular intercourse or masturbation.

As an INTP, I can assure you that NT types are no less likely to be sexual. I have very high hormone levels and am an extremely sexual person. It took all my will to wait until I was in a secure relationship, and now I'm totally loving it. Just because I'm not a Feeler doesn't mean I'm any less likely to have urges.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

I don't think there's anything wrong with not having any interest in sex.
There's no such thing as "normal", imo.





hmwith said:


> I have two good INTP friends. They couldn't give a shit about sex; they just don't care about it at all.
> 
> However, when they have it offered, they're like rabbits.


:crazy:
Yeah, that pretty much describes me as well.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

would doing sexy things make you feel guilty ?


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## retypepassword (Apr 11, 2010)

> I'm not currently in a sexual relationship and I feel totally okay with that. If I never had sex again, I'd be perfectly okay with that. There are lots of other things in life that give me pleasure.


Go to the forums on asexuality.org (AVEN) and grab yourself some cake. Also check out the wiki.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I have a very low sex drive as well, but I think a lot of that is because I simply don't enjoy sex. It's not "fun" it doesn't feel good, it's boring... I'd rather do the dishes at this point.

And growing up, my mother was so prudish, and so protective of me, I wasn't even allowed to wear tampons because they would "ruin me for my future husband"

In retrospect, it's easy to figure out why I left home at 17, lol.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

I connect sex to pressure for most part, and I don't enjoy pressure.

Sex isn't particularly a goal of mine, ever, but if it happens I'm not turning it down either.


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## Galaris (Sep 2, 2009)

I feel exactly what you say, that I could perfectly live without it, that I've never been interested. Imho it's also a nice way to express your love, but a no sexual relationship is ok to me.


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## Kid (Feb 17, 2011)

I think it's different for men and women...


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Kid said:


> I think it's different for men and women...
> 
> YouTube - Suicide bombers, babies, fighter jets, and pussy.


What is, and how?


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Not to say you aren't thinking straight or anything, but that's what I thought until I had mind-blowing sex.

I've always enjoyed it at least a little, though.

But now I love it because I'm with someone that knows how to handle meh~ ;D


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## yhwhchild7 (Feb 9, 2011)

This is SO interesting! I was raised in a strict Christian home and was a virgin when I got married. As fate would have it-my hubby was a virgin too (for the same reason-scared to death of going to hell for fornicating!). Train up a child...it sticks for life! I have found I didn't have the stress associated with sexual relationships, the drama, regrets, guilt, haertbreak...I mean, I survived 24 years and was a fulfilled person.

Anti-religious types beware... I have found freedom in Christ that is SO beyond what I see in Cosmo--like, seriously, no one would really believe what it is like to see your sex life as blessed-like the angels are smiling down on the two of you!! Then again, my parents were VERY open about the joys of sex-so I guess they counterbalanced the prudish way Christians typically regard sex.

I agree w/the previous poster-this society is unbelivably obsessed with titilation, immediate gratification, and sensuality. If you are not-YOU become the freak. Normal is BALANCED, CONTENT, HAPPY, FULFILLED. If you are those things, you are normal (and to be envied by most!)


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## Kid (Feb 17, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> What is, and how?


The sex drive is different for men and women. Men _generally_ have a stronger libido and are less selective when choosing partners than women. 

Compounding the issues above are the differences in supply and demand in regards to the two sexes....



Just watch the clip. If nothing else it's damn funny:crazy:


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## Noble4 (Feb 1, 2011)

Kid said:


> I think it's different for men and women...
> 
> YouTube - Suicide bombers, babies, fighter jets, and pussy.


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## Elwin (Feb 17, 2011)

I think hziegel summed it up pretty well, you can find out if it is a physical problem (like something wrong with your pituitary gland say) by tests, which you might want to do as there are serious consequences to hormone problems, namely cancer.




yhwhchild7 said:


> This is SO interesting! I was raised in a strict Christian home and was a virgin when I got married. As fate would have it-my hubby was a virgin too (for the same reason-scared to death of going to hell for fornicating!). Train up a child...it sticks for life! I have found I didn't have the stress associated with sexual relationships, the drama, regrets, guilt, haertbreak...I mean, I survived 24 years and was a fulfilled person.
> 
> Anti-religious types beware... I have found freedom in Christ that is SO beyond what I see in Cosmo--like, seriously, no one would really believe what it is like to see your sex life as blessed-like the angels are smiling down on the two of you!! Then again, my parents were VERY open about the joys of sex-so I guess they counterbalanced the prudish way Christians typically regard sex.
> 
> I agree w/the previous poster-this society is unbelivably obsessed with titilation, immediate gratification, and sensuality. If you are not-YOU become the freak. Normal is BALANCED, CONTENT, HAPPY, FULFILLED. If you are those things, you are normal (and to be envied by most!)


Sex is like driving, everyone thinks they're a professional. I remember at my Catholic school during sex ed, the guy who came in to teach the boys addressed the claim that you somehow need practice first. He said something along the lines of “trust me, me and my wife figured it out” and everyone laughed.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Elwin said:


> Sex is like driving, everyone thinks they're a professional.


Can I quote you? That is amazing.


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