# experience with Mirage or relations of Illusion



## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Basically with this relationship you feel so similar its giddy, only to wind up face down on the bathroom floor with a hangover.

I had an intense experience with a Mirage relationship that was platonic, but everything about it violates me. Partly because she is my boyfriends mother, but mostly because we vibe like crazy, I feel very connected to her. She even said one time I seemed more like her best friend than her best friend from school, and I know her almost overly intimately, we have lived through bizarre conditions. Once I made an ENFp female friend and she came between us, and we started fighting. 

This woman...torments me. I got angry at her once sleep deprived and accidentally called her mom. It's a very deep but odd relationship. I feel almost identical to her, yet something is.blocked. it's an eerie sensation, I swear to you, currently she actually holds things against me, staying locked in some weird perpetual Si repeat broken record state of denial, though her son and I have moved on. Farrr on.

I have relationship of identity with my own mother, my high school ex who is still.my friend and tells me he loves me, and my current lover, Son of Mirage....these relationships are intense, but something is odd and invasive about Mirage.

Is it because we almost identified yet diverge, I mean it's kind of psycho. Or is it just her as an individual?


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

What I mean to say is that she acts....jealous...that I am her son's friend rather than hers. I have tried avoiding the subject, inviting her to picnics (no I am serious, picnics, I do volunteer work) ...and she acts totally weird. Even a Delta ISTJ friend we have has calmly stated she is in denial, like why can't she accept her son's relationship to me, because in every other way, if he wasn't her son, she looks like an insane hypocrite ( her bf is eight years younger, her youngest daughters father is almost fifteen years younger than she is; she fights with current bf a lot but judges our arguments )) ....it's weird. Last time I went to her house she said I could lay in bed and watch tv with her and her boyfriend if I didn't want to hang out with her son.So I didnt. I watched tv with him instead. She's very angry.

And her Si is bothering me bc she is hung up on something that happened in September, and me and SEE-Se are on a completely different level in December. I guess Si vs Se, but it seems stupid and unfair. Like she quite.literally repeats the past, even when it seems crazy as fuck.

What can I say. I have never been friends with a boyfriends mom before, but even our ISTp friend says she is living in a fantasy world of denial and taking it out on me.

We were really good friends a year ago.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

@_fourtines_ In case I missed it, what type is your Mirage/what type are you? There are a few sources that say Mirage works differently between Rational and Irrational pairs. I'm not sure if this is the case, but my experiences with this relationship (many) seem to be fairly different from yours. 

Typically with IEE, there's a bit of derision at first. Things they do seem bizarre and unnecessary - they tend to mention random ideas that, if considered, would derail my train of thought entirely onto something else that doesn't seem important. It's not that I don't understand them, it's that when I consider whatever connection they are attempting to draw, it registers as "yeah, maybe" and just about nothing else. 

It's a difference in worldview - what your Mirage is oriented to manifest or prioritize is different from you. At the same time, you tend to agree fluidly with whatever they implement or how they deal with things, which is why it is an "illusion" or to some extent insincere - you agree on how to implement something, but ultimately go off and see it your own way while ignoring the other's worldview. 



> these relationships are intense, but something is odd and invasive about Mirage. Is it because we almost identified yet diverge, I mean it's kind of psycho. Or is it just her as an individual?


So, I haven't had this experience. It's actually been the opposite. You get to a point where you're not taking each other seriously, but agree on how things should work, and it actually stalls into monotony. It's a comfortable, warm relationship - I talk every day to my Mirage - but once you've agreed on basically everything there is to agree on, there's nothing left to discuss and it's hard to even keep the conversation running. Unless someone acts out of the usual, which I occasionally do just to see what happens.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Figure said:


> @_fourtines_ In case I missed it, what type is your Mirage/what type are you? There are a few sources that say Mirage works differently between Rational and Irrational pairs. I'm not sure if this is the case, but my experiences with this relationship (many) seem to be fairly different from yours.
> 
> Typically with IEE, there's a bit of derision at first. Things they do seem bizarre and unnecessary - they tend to mention random ideas that, if considered, would derail my train of thought entirely onto something else that doesn't seem important. It's not that I don't understand them, it's that when I consider whatever connection they are attempting to draw, it registers as "yeah, maybe" and just about nothing else.
> 
> ...


No it's more like we had this fabulous connection but.it was partly an illusion. I can only compare it almost to the feeling of having a romantic crush, though there were never romantic or sexual feelings involved. We hit it off really strongly and could talk about most things easily, we even have some similar traits, but overall I began to feel misunderstood and judged, and wanted to judge her also. She is ESE and I am SEE.

Underneath we are actually quite different.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

fourtines said:


> No it's more like we had this fabulous connection but.it was partly an illusion. I can only compare it almost to the feeling of having a romantic crush, though there were never romantic or sexual feelings involved. We hit it off really strongly and could talk about most things easily, we even have some similar traits, but overall I began to feel misunderstood and judged, and wanted to judge her also. She is ESE and I am SEE.
> 
> Underneath we are actually quite different.


If you are an SEE and your friend is an ESE, then your relationship is actually Quasi-ID, not Mirage. Mirage for SEE is SLI/ISTp. 

Each of the relationships is named what it is because of the pattern formed when the two peoples' IE's/functions interact, not necessarily because of the way the relationship feels. 

Quasi-ID tend to look very similar to each other, but are in fact opposite/in opposite quadra. I can see how you'd see it as "mirage-like" in the sense that your understanding of your Quasi-ID (and likewise) can seem very strong, but evaporate very quickly. The same is true for Semidual and Extinguishment.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Figure said:


> If you are an SEE and your friend is an ESE, then your relationship is actually Quasi-ID, not Mirage. Mirage for SEE is SLI/ISTp.
> 
> Each of the relationships is named what it is because of the pattern formed when the two peoples' IE's/functions interact, not necessarily because of the way the relationship feels.
> 
> Quasi-ID tend to look very similar to each other, but are in fact opposite/in opposite quadra. I can see how you'd see it as "mirage-like" in the sense that your understanding of your Quasi-ID (and likewise) can seem very strong, but evaporate very quickly. The same is true for Semidual and Extinguishment.


Ok wow that makes sense, my bad, I got it wrong. So this is why I get bored talking to ISTp. 

That sounds exactly like me and her. It is like the example one person gave in more Jungian terms that ISFP and ESFJ are both FS, so both like to bake cakes, but in different ways or for different reasons.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

I thought this was a good thread for describing the signs of mirage relations: http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/166490-seeking-relationship-insight.html


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

I find Illusionary relationships to be very productive in a professional setting but romantically the chemistry just isn't there.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

I don't know. Some INTJs I found super okay and I just can't seem to stop disagreeing with others. Generally I'm nice to everyone and treat everyone the same...but some INTJs sometimes just really know how to get on my nerve. Not as much as ENTJs thou.

 I really think it all comes down to the person in the end. *narrows eyes* and some don't seem to pick up on the emotional exchange or how I relate to them at all...frelling constructivists :|.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

FreeBeer said:


> I don't know. Some INTJs I found super okay and I just can't seem to stop disagreeing with others. Generally I'm nice to everyone and treat everyone the same...but some INTJs sometimes just really know how to get on my nerve. Not as much as ENTJs thou.


The ones you can't stop disagreeing with are probably just being a devil's advocate. Either that or they don't like you and are being argumentative because they're experts at being argumentative. I agree that it's much easier to be around gregarious people than solitary types.


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