# Do NTs Have Trouble Holding Eye Contact?



## Magnificent Bastard (Sep 22, 2010)

If so, why?

I notice that NTs tend not to hold eye contact compared to other types, but I think this is because of other reasons.

Some NTs may be bashful, but others may need to look away in order to focus on what they're going to say. I know when I do some deep or creative thinking, I tend to point my eyes and face downward or to the side a bit. Because I can't multitask while I'm conceiving an original thought, I tend to avert my eyes from my conversation partner to think and then I bring my eyes to his or hers to speak. 

I think this is why some people don't hold eye contact, rather than the commonly held belief that it's out of shyness or timidity. I personally feel capable and confident when dealing with most people so it must be my single-tasking mind at work. I even notice when I'm looking at someone dead in the eyes, I lose track of what we're saying because I'm focusing on the person's eyes (color, shape, etc.)!

I mean, I have no problem holding a gaze over a woman I'm attracted to, so long as we don't have to talk. But when conversing it's distracting.

Any thoughts?


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## entperson (Sep 14, 2009)

I'm completely with you on this. I can hold eye contact when I'm listening to someone for the most part, but I cannot when I'm talking to them. I find it distracting and I can't seem to keep my thoughts in order when I'm doing it for some reason, I can focus better when looking at inanimate objects.


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

Eye contact has never come naturally to me and I wish people wouldn't put so much stock into it. Just because I don't make the best eye contact doesn't make me untrustworthy or not interested in you. 

There are a few reasons why I find eye contact difficult:

It's hard for me to really think and look at someone at the same time. I do alot of my best thinking with my eyes shut or just starting off into space.

I feel like I was never trained properly on the correct amount of eye contact. I don't want you to think I'm staring at you, so I'll periodically look away.

I find peoples' facial expressions to be overwhelming sometimes.


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## ENTPreneur (Dec 13, 2009)

It is due to all input that you get from looking at the person. Can be distracting. Thus to focus the brain, we unfocus the vision.

AND: When referencing memories or creative centra in brain, the eyes are drawn to four directions (left-up, left-down, right-up, right down) depending on which memory we reference. "Brainreaders" actually can use this in shows. The put some reference questions to be sure to read you correctly and then ask you " Either think about "How would I build a new transport vehicle?" or remember the smell of your wifes perfume" (can be more than two variables but not more than four).

And then they will "read your mind as to which one you thought of. All through seeing where your eyes go when you are supposed to think about it. Visual centra, memory centra, creative centra and one more...


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

I like to stare at people and make them uncomfortable sometimes because I think it's hilarious.

But sometimes I don't look because I have more interesting things to stare at/think about.

I actually rarely listen to a whole conversation with most people, I kind of just catch key words and piece things together. I've turned into a little game.

Only people I really listen to are my fellow ENTP and ExTP friends.


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## Ormazd (Jan 26, 2010)

The only time I can comfortably look into someone's eyes is when I am discerning the physical characteristics, or for some game.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

I'm perfectly competent at holding eye contact.


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## sonicdrink (Aug 11, 2010)

from Article of the Month Page


> Eyes Up and Left: Non-dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., remembered imagery (Vr).
> 
> Eyes Up and Right: Dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., constructed imagery and visual fantasy (Vc).
> 
> ...


those are the basic eye movements for several cognitive processes.



anyway, I'm pretty good at holding eye contact, but it also depends on the situation. 

-professional setting - more eye contact, and trained eye contact even when diverted

-friend setting - enough to let them know i'm listening

- S.O. - lots of eye contact, however when in a good discussion, the eyes will deviate a bit more, or depending on the point, get more intense

I also like to freak people out by staring at them, lol. also, sometimes in public places i like to divert my eyes everywhere so that other people will too...


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## SlimJim (Nov 4, 2010)

This is really interesting. A girl I work with is an ENTJ and I was talking to her last night about how I was intimidated by her at first because she tends to avoid eye contact. It can make me a little uncomfortable because I get the impression that the person is lying/hiding something. As an ENFP, I don't like when I can't tell what people are thinking :mellow:. Apparently this is a common thing among you guys?


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## kallisti (Oct 7, 2010)

I'm horrible at it, especially when I'm attracted to the person (and whether or not it's mutual hasn't been established yet). 

It's distracting to me.. I also feel like I'd creep people out by looking into their eyes. I can't tone it down from "intense eye contact" to "holding a civil conversation" eye contact.


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## sonicdrink (Aug 11, 2010)

SlimJim said:


> This is really interesting. A girl I work with is an ENTJ and I was talking to her last night about how I was intimidated by her at first because she tends to avoid eye contact. It can make me a little uncomfortable because I get the impression that the person is lying/hiding something. As an ENFP, I don't like when I can't tell what people are thinking :mellow:. Apparently this is a common thing among you guys?



I honestly have a hard time grasping intimidation from avoidance of eye contact. I guess I can see your point, but that would never hit me from the situation. I actually prefer it when I can't tell what someone's thinking (on a casual level, not a business level).


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## PyrLove (Jun 6, 2010)

@Sonicdrink - thank you for the article. This explains why, as a horseback riding instructor, I've always had difficulty convincing my students to not look down. Eyes down and left: they are coaching themselves on how to perform a particular maneuver; eyes down and right: they are focused on the tactile sensations and "listening" to the way the horse is moving under them. The problem with looking down, of course, is your body tends to go where you look. Eyes down = butt on the ground.

Anyway, in a rehearsed group setting (giving a speech or performance) I seek and maintain eye contact as part of the performance. I use it to draw the audience into the world I am creating.

One on one, I have difficulty maintaining eye contact in certain situations. When I look away before responding to someone, I am considering and forming my response. I tend to think of it as an indication of respect for my conversation partner. He or she has said something worthy of a thoughtful response. I return eye contact when I am delivering my response.

I also break eye contact when I am feeling overwhelmed by the emotions coming from the person with whom I'm speaking. In this case, I will not respond to the conversation but simply wall myself up and shut down.


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## wonderfert (Aug 17, 2010)

I have a hard time keeping eye contact. For me it's a split between nervousness and concentration. If I look at them, I have a harder time concentrating because I'll be more likely to get distracted while trying to figure out what their facial expressions mean.


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## punky16 (Nov 9, 2010)

I had to do a video interview for one of my classes once and the teacher kept correcting me on not looking directly at the camera. I looked kinda silly because I would look look up and over alot and then look at the camera. I couldn't help it and when I forced myself to stop it, I couldn't think as clearly. I think you are on to something with this one.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

very interesting thread...


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## openedskittles (May 24, 2009)

SlimJim said:


> This is really interesting. A girl I work with is an ENTJ and I was talking to her last night about how I was intimidated by her at first because she tends to avoid eye contact. It can make me a little uncomfortable because I get the impression that the person is lying/hiding something. As an ENFP, I don't like when I can't tell what people are thinking :mellow:. Apparently this is a common thing among you guys?


Yes, I am ENTJ and I don't make much eye contact in casual conversation, but when I'm around someone I'm attracted to and I feel overly aware of everything my body is doing, I feel very strange about making eye contact, especially holding it.


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## StrangelySpartan (Nov 16, 2010)

Once I make eye contact I usually forget to look away. I've been called intense because of this.


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## st0831 (Jul 13, 2010)

I am horrible with eye contact. I trained myself to look at people when talking. Unfortunately, when I do that I lose focus in my speech. I don't understand the needed focus of eye contact when I am listening to the words of the other person. People often misunderstand me and label me manipulative and suspicious because I cannot keep a focused stare. From what I learned all these years, not all communication can be conveyed through the eyes. There are subtle differences in attitude, tone, and word choice that reflect what is going on behind the thought process. Again, I don't understand why there is such a consensual focus on eye contact. If I can train myself to just look at the person and nod my head to pretend I am listening, anyone can. How honest is that?

I do have moments of maintained eye contact. This occurs when I am arguing or speaking with fervor about a topic. In a way, this is something I can say straight through my heart without having to care about if the other person is capable of receiving my message. I wish I can do this with superiors, interviewers, and public speaking but since people's hearts are so fragile, I have to pick my word choice very carefully which makes me divert my focus and attention. Otherwise, this is the moment where I can only maintain eye contact without the conscience thinking about it.


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## SlimJim (Nov 4, 2010)

openedskittles said:


> Yes, I am ENTJ and I don't make much eye contact in casual conversation, but when I'm around someone I'm attracted to and I feel overly aware of everything my body is doing, I feel very strange about making eye contact, especially holding it.


Really? I actually tend to overindulge on eye contact when I'm talking with someone I have feelings for. I can see where you're coming from though if you are feeling nervousness or something. I'll have to bring up the subject with that girl again. I know she's never had a crush on me, so i can't say from experience, but maybe she is the same way as you. 




st0831 said:


> I am horrible with eye contact. I trained myself to look at people when talking. Unfortunately, when I do that I lose focus in my speech. I don't understand the needed focus of eye contact when I am listening to the words of the other person. People often misunderstand me and label me manipulative and suspicious because I cannot keep a focused stare. From what I learned all these years, not all communication can be conveyed through the eyes. There are subtle differences in attitude, tone, and word choice that reflect what is going on behind the thought process. Again, I don't understand why there is such a consensual focus on eye contact. If I can train myself to just look at the person and nod my head to pretend I am listening, anyone can. How honest is that?


When people lie, they tend to look away and avoid eye contact. It's easier to lie when you don't have to look at the person you're lying to. Also, making eye contact let's the other person know that you are focused on them and what they are saying, even though to you it is the other way around. 

I can see where you're coming from when you say that words choice, tone, etc. Are just as important, but just remember that it's easy to deceive with words, but almost impossible to fake body language.


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## ENTPreneur (Dec 13, 2009)

I think it can be awkward when I intuit or sense a lot of stuff behind the eyes and smile. I cant help but read them and if for instance they are sad (but hiding it) I feel awkward and my behavior probably displays this which leads to a downward negative spiral. What shall I do with the info? They are sad, BUT they dont want me to see it. So what to do? And if they see me noticing it then it is embarrassing..... Or when I am sad and they probably can read the same in my eyes.... Fe overdrive.

Sometimes it can also be sensory overload connected to the above. All of these details.... Is it my bad Sensing?

When I dont care about the person it is easier. But still bothersome if I get a read of something.

I had problems socializing with a friends wife some years ago. She is a super social ESFJ, always smiling and looking happy. I started having difficulty sharing her laughs from time to time, which she noticed and it became worse since she became unsure of herself around me. After a long time I deduced that she wasnt smiling genuinely; something was wrong with some smiles (minor details around the eyes) and I could tell. In reality this is not good to notice since smiles are contagious and when you smile you actually become glad through imprinting. I started avoiding eye contact because of the negative spiral it induced. It was taxing on our relationship. But after I noticed this and knew what the problem was we both relaxed and we share laughs once again. Genuine laughs. And she dont put up that facade around me anymore either. But in a negative note: we dont see each other as much as we used to. Reading people and not being a good actor yourself can be a burden....

Socializing in clubs or so, I can have a good time just staring people in the eyes since it is flattering.... and they dont really know what to do when you calmly just look them in the eye with a gentle smile on your lips.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

StrangelySpartan said:


> Once I make eye contact I usually forget to look away. I've been called intense because of this.


Yes, I do that too. Why is it that it makes others feel so uncomfortable and do you tend to do it when you are focusing on an idea or the way someone looks?



ENTPreneur said:


> I think it can be awkward when I intuit or sense a lot of stuff behind the eyes and smile. I cant help but read them and if for instance they are sad (but hiding it) I feel awkward and my behavior probably displays this which leads to a downward negative spiral. What shall I do with the info? They are sad, BUT they dont want me to see it. So what to do? And if they see me noticing it then it is embarrassing..... Or when I am sad and they probably can read the same in my eyes.... Fe overdrive.
> 
> Sometimes it can also be sensory overload connected to the above. All of these details.... Is it my bad Sensing?
> 
> ...


This is a very interesting post... are you saying you'd rather not notice that they are sad and try to avoid eye contact? Why does seeing sadness in their eyes bother you so much? Is it because you want to help them but don't know how or do you take it personally? Does their sadness just annoy you? I'm not sure I understand why noticing someone is sad makes you feel awkward.


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## ENTPreneur (Dec 13, 2009)

purplevelvetmask said:


> This is a very interesting post... are you saying you'd rather not notice that they are sad and try to avoid eye contact? Why does seeing sadness in their eyes bother you so much? Is it because you want to help them but don't know how or do you take it personally? Does their sadness just annoy you? I'm not sure I understand why noticing someone is sad makes you feel awkward.


I updated the previous post as well, but in essence it becomes a burden to have to deduce how to deal with the info that they obviously dont want you to have. Depending on setting of course, parties are worst: Instead of just having a good time and laughing a lot - which would be contagious and all will have a great time AND perhaps be happy - they can see that I see their pain which is a party popper.

And yes, as problem solver I automatically want to help, but you cannot invest in all fights.

To quote "The Matrix": Ignorance is bliss.... at times.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

ENTPreneur said:


> I updated the previous post as well, but in essence it becomes a burden to have to deduce how to deal with the info that they obviously dont want you to have. Depending on setting of course, parties are worst: Instead of just having a good time and laughing a lot - which would be contagious and all will have a great time AND perhaps be happy - they can see that I see their pain which is a party popper.
> 
> And yes, as problem solver I automatically want to help, but you cannot invest in all fights.
> 
> To quote "The Matrix": Ignorance is bliss.... at times.


But clearly you can't solve everyone's problems, or even the people you love sometimes... well not in an instant anyway (no matter how good of a problem solver you are). Sometimes people just need time to heal and the sadness in their eyes is not necessarily something they are trying to hide from you nor does it necessarily imply they are seeking help from someone. Sometimes people just need to be sad for a while. Why is it so hard for you to just let them be sad and love them the way they are, sadness included? Is this so impossible and is the only way for you to deal with their pain by avoiding eye contact altogether? Have you ever thought this could make them feel sader, or as a sign that they bring you down and make you unhappy?


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## ENTPreneur (Dec 13, 2009)

purplevelvetmask said:


> But clearly you can't solve everyone's problems, or even the people you love sometimes... well not in an instant anyway (no matter how good of a problem solver you are). Sometimes people just need time to heal and the sadness in their eyes is not necessarily something they are trying to hide from you nor does it necessarily imply they are seeking help from someone. Sometimes people just need to be sad for a while. Why is it so hard for you to just let them be sad and love them the way they are, sadness included? Is this so impossible and is the only way for you to deal with their pain by avoiding eye contact altogether? Have you ever thought this could make them feel sader, or as a sign that they bring you down and make you unhappy?


Ummm. Yes.... I think. I did not state that it was good....

It is a burden to KNOW I guess.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

ENTPreneur said:


> Ummm. Yes.... I think. I did not state that it was good....
> 
> It is a burden to KNOW I guess.


So clearly you can not avoid knowing, i know what that's like. it's the part of the entp mind for some reason to be able to read people like a book. so this is unavoidable. 

but im curious, are there not other ways to deal with the persons pain than avoiding eye contact all together. sorry if i sound repetitive, it's just i can empathise with what you say on a personal level particularly from being the one who is sad. I guess you probably noticed by now.


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## ENTPreneur (Dec 13, 2009)

purplevelvetmask said:


> So clearly you can not avoid knowing, i know what that's like. it's the part of the entp mind for some reason to be able to read people like a book. so this is unavoidable.
> 
> but im curious, are there not other ways to deal with the persons pain than avoiding eye contact all together. sorry if i sound repetitive, it's just i can empathise with what you say on a personal level particularly from being the one who is sad. I guess you probably noticed by now.


I am saddened to hear of you being sad.... Normally -when noticing such things - I try to be empathic and nice. But at parties and other similar public occasions they dont want this. 

Sometimes when having enough energy I say something seemingly irrelevant and REALLY lock eyes with the person. So that they know I know. So the act of avoiding contact has to do with not having energy to give, or wanting to give it. Also, same as smiles and happiness are contagious, so are sadness. Think of how many "friends" suddenly avoid you when you are down, but are happy to come when life is peachy. 

What I want to say with the latter is that perhaps I dont want to have my mood pulled down into the pitof despair when I am partying,. Of course I help out when someone feels bad, but you can also pick your time and opportunity.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

ENTPreneur said:


> I am saddened to hear of you being sad.... Normally -when noticing such things - I try to be empathic and nice. But at parties and other similar public occasions they dont want this.
> 
> Sometimes when having enough energy I say something seemingly irrelevant and REALLY lock eyes with the person. So that they know I know. So the act of avoiding contact has to do with not having energy to give, or wanting to give it. Also, same as smiles and happiness are contagious, so are sadness. Think of how many "friends" suddenly avoid you when you are down, but are happy to come when life is peachy.
> 
> What I want to say with the latter is that perhaps I dont want to have my mood pulled down into the pitof despair when I am partying,. Of course I help out when someone feels bad, but you can also pick your time and opportunity.


Thanks for that clarification and your empathy. Have a great day :happy:


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## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

i dont have trouble "Holding eye contact" if i want to - its that I MUST turn away in order to think and to even speak. A human face is a very emotionally coated and alerting stimulii to the human brain. I simply CANT do what I need to do while maintaining constant eye contact. If I made unbroken eye contact, my speech would just stop and i'd become zombie-like. Its happened before, Literally paralyzing to me.... (its like ENPTreneur said i think ..is the best explanation). 

good to see im not alone 



I'd go so far as to say, if an NTP/NT isn't making eye contact with you during conversation, it might actually be a compliment because it means you're getting enough of our attention to get a serious, thought out answer. If you never make your NT friends pause in this manner, i'd question whether they thought very much of your opinion at all.


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## noz (Dec 7, 2009)

purplevelvetmask said:


> But clearly you can't solve everyone's problems, or even the people you love sometimes... well not in an instant anyway (no matter how good of a problem solver you are). Sometimes people just need time to heal and the sadness in their eyes is not necessarily something they are trying to hide from you nor does it necessarily imply they are seeking help from someone. Sometimes people just need to be sad for a while. Why is it so hard for you to just let them be sad and love them the way they are, sadness included? Is this so impossible and is the only way for you to deal with their pain by avoiding eye contact altogether? Have you ever thought this could make them feel sader, or as a sign that they bring you down and make you unhappy?


I don't think its the subtle cries for help or the Call of Duty: counselor's edition we dont want... its the fact that once you look at a human beings face, a whole HOST of other variables gets thrown at you no matter what you were thinking of just prior. Variables we are not accustomed to and ones we find inconvenient, because those variables DEMAND moral considerations. so its more like a neuronal inconvenience rather than a sympathetic turn...

I think better in the cold of F-lessness.


On second thought, maybe this is a NT-male thang? the male brain has been shown to be inferior in processing emotions in a timely manner.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

noz said:


> On second thought, maybe this is a NT-male thang? the male brain has been shown to be inferior in processing emotions in a timely manner.


Thanks for that. :laughing:


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## Avalerion (Sep 4, 2010)

Huh. This post is really interesting.

I do not tend to hold eye contact very well at all in a discussion. I have noticed that it actually tends to make people uncomfortable. My friends often ask me what I'm staring at and I always respond that "I'm not looking at anything." I've always responded that I'm staring off in the distance because "I'm thinking." It's rather frustrating and it tends to pose some issues when I enter romantic relationships as well...In any case, I do have difficulty looking people in the eye, and I have noticed that I always direct my attention to my left during a discussion.

A final note, my dad (INTJ) places a strong emphasis on the importance of holding eye contact and often talks about how liars are simply incapable of looking someone in the eye. I don't think he realizes his own inability to look people in the eye when he enters a discussion.


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## Kilgore Trout (Jun 25, 2010)

When communicating, I think the best when I am not staring at the person, because I will analyze that person's mannerisms along with my thoughts, instead of focusing on what he or she has to say. I was never one to look into another person's eyes for too long, perhaps because of humbleness or because I have more important communicative priorities. I probably scare most people when I stare at them because my gaze is intense and it seems like I am Superman X-ray beaming through their faces.


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## st0831 (Jul 13, 2010)

SlimJim said:


> I can see where you're coming from when you say that words choice, tone, etc. Are just as important, but just remember that it's easy to deceive with words, *but almost impossible to fake body language.*


If you're referring to eye contact as part of body language, I can assure you that I fake eye contact while envisioning further scenarios of how I can cover up the fake eye contact with further lies. Pure eye contact does nothing for me and this is one thing I hate in society where just the avoidance of eye contact can make you lose a job interview. Human body language should be looked at as a whole but purely the focus on eyes is fake. I can look into people's eyes and tell them I love them while faking the body language. Is this what society wants? If not, then there should be a defocus on eye contact.

One thing I learned is, if I am to fake eye contact, I will do so and my moral attitude towards them wouldn't be so nice because in essence they are fake and superficial in my very mind. 

I can't maintain eye contact with my friends because I think about what they say, not avoiding them. It shouldn't be misinterpreted as shyness, avoidance, and/or lying. In fact, it should be interpreted as a true person/friend that cares because I am thoughtful of what they said; it is a compliment, not a fake eye expression.


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## Valiums (Aug 29, 2010)

When I'm really thinking hard, I look down, but I never have to think hard when interacting with people. (Guess why.)
I can never find the right amount of time to look; it's either short and rude or long and disturbing.


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## nevermore (Oct 1, 2010)

Generally, I've got no trouble making or holding eye contact at all, but when I'm thinking hard about something, I do find it quite difficult to look people in the eyes. There's so many cues to react to/process and it's distracting. Oddly enough, I also get like that when explaining theories to people. So I guess it's true at times for me. But usually eye contact isn't difficult and doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.


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## jockthemotie (Aug 6, 2010)

I tend to look away, as when I look "at" I've been told it looks as though I'm looking past them, or through them. Just sort of a...spacey, "I'm not really here" kind of look. So I try to avoid this uncomfortable tendency.


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## Alima (Mar 28, 2010)

Magnificent Bastard said:


> If so, why?
> 
> I notice that NTs tend not to hold eye contact compared to other types, but I think this is because of other reasons.
> 
> ...




I don't usually have any trouble with holding eye contact with other people, even when I'm lying. 
Although, if I want to give a more uh... in-depth answer then I have to look away for a second for me to gather my thoughts. I usually have better, deeper conversations with another when we're either across the room, in a car, walking, or doing something where we're not standing face to face. 

I do try to keep eye contact though, I'll remind myself sometimes while I'm talking to someone. I was once told that if you want the other person to think that you're looking them in the eye but you can't do it, that you should look at the top of their nose (that space between their eyes) and they wouldn't notice the difference. I have no idea if that's true. haha


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

I tend to give ear contact and pretend I don't hear very well.


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## sensorium (Oct 20, 2010)

I can't really hold eye contact for long, except for close family members and friends. 

I feel like prolonged eye contact makes 'some' people uncomfortable. I've been admonished by some teachers in school for making eye contact, and aggressed by some of my peers. I guess I have like... Betazoid eyes or something...

I also makes me feel exposed in a sense, like they might somehow see inside my mind and see my vulnerabilities, sensitive nature etc. and attempt to take advantage of or harm me.


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## Psychosmurf (Aug 22, 2010)

I used to have trouble with maintaining eye contact. The way I got over it was by developing a quicker wit (so I wouldn't have to look away), and by learning to pick up on the frequency of the other person's breaks in eye-contact. If I find that I really do have to think for a moment, I use several techniques. 

For short times: Close your eyes and look down as if doing a slightly longer blink. Then return eye contact with a smile.

For medium times: Ask a question, pretend to be distracted by the time, the weather, make small talk while thinking. 

For longer times: Just say you need a moment to think of an answer. 

roud:

EDIT: And if you get really uncomfortable because of the eye-contact, you can always break the tension with humor.


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## ProfessorLiver (Mar 19, 2011)

I try to hold eye contact when I'm tlakin aobut serious things, but I feel a little self-concious. I mean, I feel a little creepy just sitting there and staring in to someone's eyes.


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## Zdorobot (Dec 19, 2010)

I have no healthy eye contact medium. I stare at people when they talk, and stare everywhere else with maybe a second of eye contact with my conversation partner when I talk. Eye contact is weird.


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## PAdude (Mar 18, 2011)

Sometimes if someone is explaining a concept, I HAVE to look away and visualize or else what they are saying goes in one ear and out the other. I'm not nervous about making eye contact with people, it's just that doing so sometimes inhibits my focus on what they are saying. I'm much more likely to look someone in the eye when I am talking to them than when they are talking to me.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

I enjoy eye contact, I believe it to be one of the most important things one can do with others.

"proper" eye contact would be periods of eye contact, look away, come back, blah blah.


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## Magnificent Bastard (Sep 22, 2010)

What's the point of "holding" eye contact when you're trying to have a conversation? The consensus here is that it's distracting to us intuitive thinkers.

I really only hold eye contact with women that I'm trying to sleep with because it puts them in a weaker position. Holding eye contact, to me, is only for fight situations and sex.


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

I have no issues holding eye contact. I try not to stare intensely when I know their eyes are on me and smile when it's appropriate. It's a sign of respect to hold a sufficient amount of eye contact. It says you are acknowledging the other person, you're confident, and that you're a good listener.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I look at their face, but not necessarily their eyes. It kind of makes me nervous, but I really just don't think about making eye contact.


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## bloozie (Nov 11, 2010)

It depends on the situation. When I'm asking someone a question, I usually end up giving that person a piercing stare, trying to see what their reaction is. But I'm assuming that's it's because I'm asking a sincere question and I want to hear what that person has to answer and make them know that I'm actually listening. A lot of people tend to look down as if they've become self-conscious when I do focus on them.
Although, once my creative thinking as been activated and I'm interacting with a person or more, I tend to look upwards. It helps me visualize what I am thinking about without being distracted by the people looking at me intently wondering what the hell it is that I am looking at. I sometimes notice people turn their head toward the direction of my gaze if I'm looking past them-- I just end up smirking.

Have you guys heard of the term *Reality Distortion Field*? Bill Clinton and Steve Jobs have it. How I read it is that it's a combination of charisma and eye contact. How I read it is that it catches the person's attention and makes them want to listen to what you have to say.


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## Thrifty Walrus (Jul 8, 2010)

Mehhhhh, it's very situational.


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