# Why don't people consider honesty more important?



## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

I respect honesty above all else, but it seems other people don't feel the same. Why? Do you find it acceptable for people to lie to you? Some may argue that they don't want people to know certain things about them, but you need not reveal all you believe and are thinking to everyone you meet. Why not just refuse to answer the question instead? Others lie to avoid conflicts, but why lie and allow a problem to linger? Another group lies in an attempt to be kind to others, but is allowing someone to believe a falsehood truly a kind thing to do?



What is your opinion on the subject? I absolutely despise lying. I rather someone tell me they honestly believe I'm a terrible person than for them to tell me some pretty lie. I understand it can be very difficult to be honest at all times, but I rather the consequences of total honesty than the alternative.


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

Honesty is usually one of society's highest held ideals - whether people practice it or not, however, is an entirely different story. There are those who use 'white lies' to try to protect others, which I can see in some situations, if it doesn't matter. There are those who lie for personal gain, typically manipulative and habitual people out for themselves over harming others. On the outside, we're all encouraged to be honest and true to ourselves and others, but on the inside, this would not fit as optimally as many people would hope. Lying can gain you a lot of things, such as power, love, and leadership. What does it matter if they're just 'little white lies'?

I myself am an impulsive liar. While I do not end up lying all the time (on the contrary; I check myself to be honest, if I remember to), but my first instinct is always to lie, It doesn't matter if it's family, friends, over even a situation over the internet - if left unchecked, I do have a tendency to lie without realizing it. This habit of sorts may have evolved from the need, real or perceived, as a way of making myself stronger. At a 'worse' point in this stage, when I was younger, I was frequently surprised if, checking the conversation, my answers had turned out to be honest in any way at all. If I never had anything bad happen, and more importantly, if I never told anyone my weaknesses, would being perceived as strong be such a bad thing?


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

I have learned to lie a bit to protect people from what I actually think and feel about things. 

Generally I try to be honest however and I respect people who are honest to me.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> I respect honesty above all else, but it seems other people don't feel the same. Why? Do you find it acceptable for people to lie to you? Some may argue that they don't want people to know certain things about them, but you need not reveal all you believe and are thinking to everyone you meet. Why not just refuse to answer the question instead? Others lie to avoid conflicts, but why lie and allow a problem to linger? Another group lies in an attempt to be kind to others, but is allowing someone to believe a falsehood truly a kind thing to do?
> 
> 
> 
> What is your opinion on the subject? I absolutely despise lying. I rather someone tell me they honestly believe I'm a terrible person than for them to tell me some pretty lie. I understand it can be very difficult to be honest at all times, but I rather the consequences of total honesty than the alternative.


Welp I agree with you....wonderful


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

Grey said:


> Lying can gain you a lot of things, such as power, love, and leadership. What does it matter if they're just 'little white lies'?


How does lying gain one love? How does lying gain anything but an illusion of love, destined to unravel? 

It seems to me that love and truth can't exist apart from each other.


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

Someone can sincerely fall in love with the projection that someone is showing them. Their projection is nothing but an illusion, yes, but that person's love is no less sincere.


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

I don't lie to people. I think honesty is such a rarity nowadays, that people think you "hate" them, when you are just being open and honest. If you are gaining love, and leadership kills, and all that other malarkey.. isn't that kind of stealing away from your true identity...instead of lying about yourself, why not make those admirable things come true? I cannot tell you how many friendships I have ended due to people lying. I would rather you tell me that you think I am an ugly stupid whore (if that is what you really believe), than bold face lie to me. Nothing good comes of it, especially in relationships, don't hide yourself. Just be you, that is the best thing you can be. 

I think the reason "lying" is so big right now, because in our culture, greed and sex are like the two number one priorities. And a lot of people lie to get laid I'm assuming, and to get higher ranking in their positions. It's a dissgrace in my opinion.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Honesty is a value that is often sited as being very important in the United States. I think this is probably often the case in societies that are much more individualistic verses collectivist (See Geert Hofstede). In the United States many people would say that telling the truth is more important than the harm telling the absolute truth might do to a human relationship. In my opinion, I think it's often fortunate that so many people in the US end up being hypocrites to their own values when they are faced with a situation where telling the truth will do great damage to an important relationship. 

I think it would be better to recognize all of our sometimes conflicting values and look at each situation on an individual basis to determine the best course of action rather than to use a rule of thumb (e.g. Honesty is the best policy.). 

I do not advocate lying on a regular basis for mere personal gain or to avoid consequences for misbehavior. What I am saying is that I disagree with an across the board rule that, no matter what, the absolute truth about all your thoughts and feelings should be revealed all the time. Human relations are very important and also very complex and delicate. I simply feel that they should also be valued and not always take second place to our desire to express ourselves as individuals. It's a bit of a disappointment to me when people experience shame in these situations.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

To tell _the_ truth assumes that there is only truth, and it is objective. But in reality, multiple truths can exist, and they are often subjective.

When people ask you a question, they aren't always looking for the truth. They could be looking for reassurance or encouragement.

An example would be a friend asking you whether he's a failure at a low point in his life. Do you point out the objective reality that nothing in his life is going well now? You might as well hammer the last nail into his coffin.

And if you were to point out that there have been times in the past where he's been successful, would that be a prevarication? Or that in your eyes, he's someone you've always admired for specific traits you wish you had?

I see myself as responding more to the emotional needs of people. There are times when the truth needs to be heard. But there are others where the truth just wounds them more.

Truth is important in relationships, but it isn't everything.


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## Danse Macabre (Oct 30, 2009)

Well said!


I don't ever lie, apart from when acquaintances ask "How's your day been" because often, saying "OH my GOD my day's been crap!" is not worth facing the consequences of. Unfortunately, if a friend is looking for assurance, I give them none. But I think that's more to do with my inability to express sympathy or affection than some moral issue with lying about that in particular.

My blunt honesty used to get me into a lot of trouble at school. I remember my maths teacher asking me why I hadn't done any work, and I said "I'm sorry, I just don't believe it to be relevant." 

I also used to skip class without forging a note because I didn't want to be deceitful like all my other classmates who lied when they skipped. When asked if I skipped, I just straight up said that I had. The teachers almost fell over backwards in shock. 


Thus I have learnt that unfortunately, to be honest at all times is very impractical. Society says that it respects and desires honesty, but I really don't think that's the case. Like John Lydon said "I often find that honesty is the most offensive thing in the world."

If people were honest about why they missed work, what they said about their friends in a moment of spitefulness, what they actually thought about anything from a cause to a friend....society wouldn't work anywhere near as smoothly as it does. It's simply impractical. Still, I'm such a diehard idealist that I beat my head against a brick wall and face the consequences. *facepalm*


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

I agree with DanseMacabre that society cannot handle the truth. Sometimes, I find myself getting into pretences. Even though I don't like them, they are often necessary for peaceful coexistence.

An example would be my housemate helping himself to my beer without asking. The truth is he's a thief who always takes my things. But do I confront him, call him that to his face and declare an all-out war? No, I pretend he's drunk my beer by mistake thinking it was his, so he can make up for it by buying back the beer he's drunk. Then I lock up or put away stuff I don't want him to help himself to. If I want to tell him how much I detest him or to yell at him, I have to be ready to move on to another place. Since I'm not, I'm cordial and polite to him.

The same goes for a lot of situations at work, with both bosses and co-workers. It's unfortunate I have to make such pretences, but that's the way life goes.


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## knght990 (Jul 28, 2009)

I used to lie about most things, but i taught myself to either say nothing or tell the truth no matter the consequence. I don't know if it is a positive or not. 
I have walked into my boss's office and flat out told him i've broken a law while on the job and that i wanted him to hear it from me and not someone else. 
You get me as you see me, for better or for worse.


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## Fanille (Sep 3, 2009)

As long as there is a potential benefit to doing something, people will keep on doing it. Unfortunately, this applies to lying as well.


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## Rouge (Sep 6, 2009)

knght990 said:


> I used to lie about most things, but i taught myself to either say nothing or tell the truth no matter the consequence. I don't know if it is a positive or not.
> I have walked into my boss's office and flat out told him i've broken a law while on the job and that i wanted him to hear it from me and not someone else.
> You get me as you see me, for better or for worse.


Yes, I agree. If you've done anything wrong, be it in your professional or personal life, it's important to own up. 

But when it comes to how you feel about your boss or a colleague who's just tried to stab you in the back, diplomacy has to come into play. Letting your feelings rip in such instances doesn't help; instead, it can only cause the situation to worsen.


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## mrmatt (Aug 18, 2009)

it seems everyone on the Internet (a large populatio) wants everyone to stop lying yet it seems the world is filled with liars. this leads to only a couple of conclusions. 1)we are all being idealists who are actually compulsive liars about wanting to not lie. 2) the minority of people who lie, lie enough to overshadow all of us. 3)we dont think we lie as much as others which creates a feeling of idignation when somehow someone lies to us. it is very easy to disguise almost any lie that you want as "better" from your own point of view.

I'll let you decide which you think or come up with your own idea. I think we all lie because we are all inherently, subconsciously, completely and totally selfish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## martin (Aug 4, 2009)

In my experience, in many cases things simply run smoother with the aid of a white lie. Our patience and tolerance for differing points of view is too low and our communication too limited for complete honesty to be beneficial.


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## Jack Rabid (Aug 6, 2009)

Lying often starts with lying to yourself.. 

When I lie ..it' has little to with actually deceiving the other person.. consciously I am moral and ethical..
But something inside myself does not want to face myself and that is where the 1st lie starts..

If you are not true to yourself.. you can't be true to others


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

I am not suggesting you need to say absolutely everything that is on your mind at all times, nor do you need to be overly critical of others to be honest. For instance Rouge gave an example of a friend asking if he's a failure at a low point in his life. You need not answer that yes he's a failure despite that being what you honestly think. You could just say "well, things could be better." No lie was ever spoken, and no feelings were hurt.

Rouge also gave an example where her roommate was taking her beers. You need not confront him directly if you do not want to, but I would not lie and act as if I did not know what he was doing. If he's a thief, he's a thief. I wouldn't pretend he was otherwise.


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Honesty is THE most important thing.

And any cases where it's not, have been brought about by dishonesty.


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## Schwarz (Nov 10, 2008)

Honesty is important to me, but I'm rarely completely honest. I think I am afraid to be. Like, "How do you feel?" Somedays the correct response would be, "Well, right now I feel like sticking a glock in my mouth and redecorating the wall with my brains, but no doubt I'll be fine tomorrow." Actually saying that would make people all concerned and, "Gosh, you need therapy or something," whereas my only reason for saying it would be just because it happened to be how I actually felt, because, like a whole lot of people (if not the majority of people), when I'm honest I can come across as very, very negative. There are maybe four or five people in the world I tend to be completely honest with. Everyone else, despite my wishes to be an honest person, gets smokescreens and illusions. The truth sometimes makes people uncomfortable, and I can't put up with other people's discomfort.
Lies make it really easy to pretend everything is hunky dory with the world.
The sad thing is that I'm really uneasy about posting this because it's what I actually believe is true, and exposing the truth about myself and my beliefs leaves me vulnerable to outside criticism. It's hard to care much if somebody attacks some artificial construction you've made that even you don't agree with. It's way harder when they criticize the stuff that lies at your core.


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