# I have a crush on the girl who works next to where I work



## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

As the title says, she works at a shoe shop just next to the kiosk where I work. I've known her for roughly a year but just like this, as a customer. She usually buys us things like coffee, sandwichs and chocolate and every time she comes I try to talk with her a little, mainly about how is her work doing, how much is she selling. The other day, for instance, she was really cold and asked for a coffee. Unfortunately the coffee machine was broken but I got closer to it for checking it and having her standing right next to me almost trembling kinda broke my heart, I wanted so bad to hug her... 
Humor is pretty important I guess, so I will try to make little jokes or comments in our small talks Now, masks kinda cut off any chance of using smiles as a way of communication which for me were key, like, those little half smiles. Eyes are the key now I guess. 
Two more important facts: Since she usually pays with credit/debit cards, she's given me her ID for doing so, so I secretly looked at it and found out her birthday is on the 5th. Of course she doesn't know I know it. Finally, another quite important detail; she's just broke up with her ex. What would you do in my place? Do you have any tips?
Thanks


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Chat her up. See if she's interested in meeting for coffee sometime when you're both not working. Go from there.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

Just make sure you avoid mentioning her birthday unless she brings it up first, since mentioning it might give her creeper vibes.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Ask her how old she is
She brings up her birthday
Insist you do something with her
Rearrange for a different time if she has plans


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

Say these 14 words:
"Hey, would you like to go out for a coffee or something with me?"
Can be scary at first, because she might reject you, but is being rejected any worse than never knowing? Years in the future when looking back, you'll regret not making a move more than regret asking and getting torn down.
Coffee is a good starter because it's non threatening, it's a hangout during the day where you can chat, get to know each other, see if you have chemistry, but doesn't sound too datey. It could make for a good foot in the door.
If you're feeling a bit more bold, then feel free to go for dinner.
Your story actually sounds really cute, and I hope it works out.
Like Del boy says in "Only Fools and Horses": "He who dares wins"

Edit: although if she did get just get out of a relationship, yeah, might be a bit soonish to ask her to dinner, I'd go back to the coffee option. You don't want to be too quick to get all the way in the door if she still has residual feelings for her ex, but that's why coffee's good; not only would it be a way to guage if you have chemistry, etc., but it's also a pretty good opportunity to see if she's ready for a new relationship, because she might not be and you don't want to end up being the "rebound guy". Hardly anyone remembers their rebound guy.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

Invite her for a fuck.
Of course you wouldn't say it that way because if you were able to do that without being a total freak would already do that.

So...sugarcoat it using a style she tends to like, just like all the banal women want.


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

I think if she comes to your shop on her birthday, just give her her order for free, and be really nonchalant/cool about it, like _"Hey, it's on the house today!" _And even if she looks puzzled don't bother saying anything; but if she asks why, just be like _"Yea, when you gave me your id last time I couldn't help but notice your birth date so..."_ *BUT* you have to be really casual about it, as if you notice it regardless of who the customer is. And if they ask if you do that for everybody, just be like, "Nope, just you." AND REMEMBER YOU GOTTA BE SUPER CASUAL STILL and just be like _"Alright I gots stuff to do, maybe I'll talk to you later??_" If they're like yea, cool, then you should definitely take a step within the following days to go and talk to her outside of work setting; but if they give you the impression that they're weirded out than it's over, and you should move on, lol or keep crushing from afar.

Gotta keep in mind that if they just broke up too, they're probably vulnerable or still thinking about maybe getting back with their ex, so if you don't know those kinds of details you don't really want to come on too strong.

Also, how do you know she broke up with her ex? Did she tell you? That might be a sign they just see you as a friend to talk to; or did they tell you in a way that was dropping a hint that they're single?


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## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

First, thanks for all your answers!



> Also, how do you know she broke up with her ex? Did she tell you? That might be a sign they just see you as a friend to talk to; or did they tell you in a way that was dropping a hint that they're single?


Now, @BenevolentBitterBleeding. Well, it's a bit complicated. Not at all she told me. In our shop my mom sells cosmetic products. This girl is a big fan of those products so she asked for my mom's number. Roughly a month ago this girl wrote to my mom that she wanted some products but asked for a different payment method because "she's just moved" (We knew she was dating a guy because they both bought us some sandwichs from time to time). So if she's moved, we all think they split up. Also, the girl also said (I don't remember to whom of the people who work with me) "It's better to be alone than to be in bad company"
We all concluded she's broke up.



> Say these 14 words:
> "Hey, would you like to go out for a coffee or something with me?"


@dulcinea Wouldn't it be quite shocking? Is it okey to go to the point that directly providing we have no relation at all?


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

impulsenine said:


> Invite her for a fuck.
> Of course you wouldn't say it that way because if you were able to do that without being a total freak would already do that.
> 
> So...sugarcoat it using a style she tends to like, just like all the banal women want.


Good Lord... Have you no shame? It's incredulously insulting that you would even suggest such a thing to OP; regardless of whether or not you're being serious. I hate to break it to you, but not all guys have one thing on their mind. And only God knows just how sick and tired of this misogynistic bullshit I am. So you have your grievances against women. Well congratulations!!! It's duly noted now. Unfortunately, it does absolute fuck all for OP and rest of us who have read your stupid ass joke/comment; or is it simply a pitiful attempt at creating levity, masked as a projection wreaking of personal failure(s)? Now, if you would be so kind as to offer a REAL suggestion, it would be greatly appreciated. Needless to say, I'm not an admin. That being said, you have 3 options at this point: 1.) You can take my post to you with a grain of salt -- if you'd most prefer. 2.) You can respond with a defensive post littered with insults that attack my character. 3.) *BE A FUCKING ADULT*. Apologize, take this shit seriously and actually be a contributing member of this thread -- rather than be a complete and total shit bag of epic proportions. It's clear from my stance where I stand on the matter, but the ball is in your court. Above all, regardless of your response, I implore you to do the right thing.

To OP,
My suggestion is don't put all your eggs in one basket. As others have suggested, ask her out and get to know her over a cup of coffee. Talk about her likes and her dislikes. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to "be yourself" because that's of no use to you, me or anyone else who is struggling with meeting the right girl, at the right time and under the right circumstances. Above all, remember that there's no such thing as Mr. Right -- There's only Mr. Chosen. Who you choose to be with should be an extension of who _*you*_ already are. And as she evolves, so will you; and vice versa. And for the love of God, don't listen to those who imply that you did something to "creep" her out. Gathering the courage to talk to a potential romantic interest in the first place is unfathomably nerve-racking enough as it is. You don't need that added pressure; that would be like choosing to go skydiving _without_ a parachute. I hope things work out in your favor. If she does happen to reject you though, know that I more than feel your pain -- because unlike SOME people, I have a little something called 'empathy'. It's more than okay to be bummed out about it. Just remember the most important thing: just because a door closes, that doesn't necessarily mean that all doors are closed; one will open. Right place. Right time. Right circumstances. No bull.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

TaPele said:


> @dulcinea Wouldn't it be quite shocking? Is it okey to go to the point that directly providing we have no relation at all?


Not always. Speaking from a female perspective, when a young man would frequent a place that I would work, despite being pretty oblivious, I could sometimes get a feel that he liked me, but even if I didn't, if I guy asked me out out of the blue, I would have a difficult time being rude to him or saying no in an over blunt way. It's always very flattering when a guy does this out of the blue.
I can't divine how she would feel about something like this, and being honest, it's always a risk putting yourself forward. It's sort of a risk vs potential reward thing.


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

It's funny, if not down right eerie, seeing how the following is more than relevant to the discussion at hand:


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

Tripwire_Desire said:


> Good Lord... Have you no shame? It's incredulously insulting that you would even suggest such a thing to OP; regardless of whether or not you're being serious. I hate to break it to you, but not all guys have one thing on their mind. And only God knows just how sick and tired of this misogynistic bullshit I am. So you have your grievances against women. Well congratulations!!! It's duly noted now. Unfortunately, it does absolute fuck all for OP and rest of us who have read your stupid ass joke/comment; or is it simply a pitiful attempt at creating levity, masked as a projection wreaking of personal failure(s)? Now, if you would be so kind as to offer a REAL suggestion, it would be greatly appreciated. Needless to say, I'm not an admin. That being said, you have 3 options at this point: 1.) You can take my post to you with a grain of salt -- if you'd most prefer. 2.) You can respond with a defensive post littered with insults that attack my character. 3.) *BE A FUCKING ADULT*. Apologize, take this shit seriously and actually be a contributing member of this thread -- rather than be a complete and total shit bag of epic proportions. It's clear from my stance where I stand on the matter, but the ball is in your court. Above all, regardless of your response, I implore you to do the right thing.


It seems that you are the person who has no shame and respect for the natural things that people do.
Not only do you insult me with this reply, but you insult a vast majority of people.

You are the one who has the wrong approach but you could not notice this because *you are more focused on how right or wrong the approaches of others are than how good yours is.* I see a GREAT hypocrite in you who is also signaling this. You are also selfish that you think only of yourself and the bullshit you are sick of, as if this would bring any additional validity to the argument you support, on the contrary, it denigrates it.

It seems that you know much better what falls and what does not fall into stupid comments, you probably have experience, I think, given how AGGRESIVE you get before asking for clarification.
You draw conclusions quickly and emotionally depending on what triggers you, your arguments cannot have any validity because they are highly influenced by your *emotional state*. They have value for you, not for others. And that's just because _you think only about you_ when writing anything.

Do you realize that you are insulting a man you know nothing about?
That did nothing but reveal a characteristic character trait that you have.

Try more next time. But with people willing to listen to you. Or subhumans, maybe you get along better with them.

And an advice: Don't use holy words when adopting that attitude cause in that case you just show that you also have no respect for God either.
You act like you know what the right thing is and others have no idea, *a flamboyant know-it-all.*

I could easily bet that for you -> your values = the correct thing, other people values = the shit.

You do nothing but project your insecurities. I wouldn't be surprised if you saw this weakness that you have in others.


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

impulsenine said:


> It seems that you are the person who has no shame and respect for the natural things that people do.
> Not only do you insult me with this reply, but you insult a vast majority of people.
> 
> You are the one who has the wrong approach but you could not notice this because *you are more focused on how right or wrong the approaches of others are than how good yours is.* I see a GREAT hypocrite in you who is also signaling this. You are also selfish that you think only of yourself and the bullshit you are sick of, as if this would bring any additional validity to the argument you support, on the contrary, it denigrates it.
> ...


I knew you were going to attack my character. Do us all a favor: Get off your high horse and walk. Criticize me all you want. The fact of the matter is, I'm the one who offered actual advice. Again, you offered fuck all. You come into a thread where the OP is asking for relationship advice and you give someone advice to ask for a fuck? What's your major malfunction? Do you have ANY idea how many women are harassed by pickup artists with your diluted mentality? I don't need "clarification" for what you said. It's clear as day what you're promoting. And if you took the time to pull your head out of your ass, you'd realize I'm an ISFJ with strong moral values.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

Tripwire_Desire said:


> I knew you were going to attack my character. Do us all a favor: Get off your high horse and walk. Criticize me all you want. The fact of the matter is, I'm the one who offered actual advice. Again, you offered fuck all. You come into a thread where the OP is asking for relationship advice and you give someone advice to ask for a fuck? What's your major malfunction? Do you have ANY idea how many women are harassed by pickup artists with your diluted mentality? I don't need "clarification" for what you said. It's clear as day what you're promoting. And if you took the time to pull your head out of your ass, you'd realize I'm an ISFJ with strong moral values.


Do something first and then say "I knew you were going to turn my attitude around".
Just like I said, you are the only one who offers advice because only your advice is good.
The rest of us are outcasts.

Now you hide and blame the character traits behind a label "I'm ISFJ and that's why".
I wasn't expecting more from you, honestly.

To realize how much you care about helping people: first you turned to the advice of others instead of offering your own. And then you continued to divert the conversation, proving once again that you don't care about anything but yourself. Be honest: you care more about your emotional balance and your values than helping the OP. Otherwise you would not initiate an attack.

Your number one problem with my advice is that I haven't sugarcoated it enough for your preferences. I guarantee you that I will tell you exactly the same advice only with more beautiful words and that you would totally agree with me.

Well, be careful: No one is responsible for satisfying your tastes. If you have emotional baggage and something triggers you, that doesn't mean you have to pour out your anger in public.

OP did not say anything about my advice, either he took it into account or ignored it, he had a decent attitude.

The same cannot be said about you. You want people to satisfy your needs that you don't even convey.
Tell us what other dubious emotional baggage you have so I know what else to avoid writing, as apparently when I offer advice I have to make it sound good to you.


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

impulsenine said:


> Do something first and then say "I knew you were going to turn my attitude around".
> Just like I said, you are the only one who offers advice because only your advice is good.
> The rest of us are outcasts.
> 
> ...


I'm not hiding or blaming anything on anyone. I'm simply stating a fact. Your insufferablability leaves much to be desired. You come in here and you treat this thread like it's a God damn joke. I CARE about OP. I care that he comes out of this mentally and emotionally empowered; not scathed. And here, you have the gall to paint _me_ as a tyrant? Yeah. Good luck with that. You're in the wrong. Plain and simple. You don't apply pickup artistry techniques out of the blue, let alone tell someone to go fuck somebody low key. And if your mother were around to hear/read what you're posting, I'm sure she'd have some choice words of her very own. Can you really sit there and defiantly defend your actions? Is this how your mother raised you to be? Morals aside, have you no human decency? A shred of remorse? If you can say unequivocally and without a doubt that you'd say the same thing within earshot of your own mother, I will digress and concede. I don't need to sit here and protect my honor -- cause there's nothing to protect. If you can't see why your post is so offensive to start with, then that's the crux of the problem.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

Tripwire_Desire said:


> I'm not hiding or blaming anything on anyone. I'm simply stating a fact. Your insufferablability leaves much to be desired. You come in here and you treat this thread like it's a God damn joke. I CARE about OP. I care that he comes out of this mentally and emotionally empowered; not scathed. And here, you have the gall to paint _me_ as a tyrant? Yeah. Good luck with that. You're in the wrong. Plain and simple. You don't apply pickup artistry techniques out of the blue, let alone tell someone to go fuck somebody low key. And if your mother were around to hear/read what you're posting, I'm sure she'd have some choice words of her very own. Can you really sit there and defiantly defend your actions? Is this how your mother raised you to be? Morals aside, have you no human decency? A shred of remorse? If you can say unequivocally and without a doubt that you'd say the same thing within earshot of your own mother, I will digress and concede. I don't need to sit here and protect my honor -- cause there's nothing to protect. If you can't see why your post is so offensive to start with, then that's the crux of the problem.


You came here and initiated an attack first instead of focusing on OP. So the thing that "_I care about OP_" is just pure Fe palaver.
I tell you: you attacked my opinion because of it triggering your emotional response, not because you give a damn about OP. "I care about OP" is just a justification for being "bad". 
Because you have to keep your "moral image" so your mother won't say that you're bad. That's your excuse to behave bad. "I care about OP".

If you cared so much about him, you wouldn't bring his thread into this state of disorganization. You realize it's all messed up now and you're to blame for 80% of all this, right?

I don't know what traumas you have with pickup artistry techniques, I have no idea what you're talking about. But you can talk more about it if you feel the need, I see that you bring this up often. Come on, vent it all out. But preferably in the topic of venting, if you have minimal respect for OP.
Or you can still try to focus on your attacks.

Now you bring the mothers into the discussion, aren't you adult enough to be able to have a conversation without moms holding our hands?

It is clear that you have deeply rooted morals that were taught to you by your mother.
I bet she is an awesome mom, but unfortunately you understood that "being moral" has to do something with "inspecting and evaluating other people morals", which in fact is an immoral act.

It's interesting how someone who thinks that is the "moral one" is capable of the deepest acts of immorality, right?
You want to call your mother into this conversation now so she can confirm your morals. "_Look, I'm not wrong, right?"_

Yes, you are. But it is none of my business. I don't judge you because of that. You are the way you are and I cannot change that. It's a shame though that you fail to understand where you are wrong.

My posts are offensive and then you do this:



> Have you no shame?





> It's incredulously insulting





> your stupid ass joke/comment





> Apologize, take this shit seriously





> be a complete and total shit bag of epic proportions.


You kind of like playing the role of a moralistic wolf who knows them all and offers lessons in behavior and morality to others.
And not only do you do that, but you also give orders on how they should behave, so that they fit into your "morality" model.

What do you know about morality? Can a man who feels the need to draw superficial conclusions about a man after writing 2 sentences know something about morality?

I highly doubt it.

Stop talking about things totally foreign to you. Take out "God", "Honour", "Morality" and "Mother" when it comes to your emotional droppings. Not for nothing, but it's not worth dragging such beautiful things through your mud.


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## NIHM (Mar 24, 2014)

I wouldn't do the coffee option like everyone else is pointing out. Offer something besides coffee because you sell coffee at your kiosk right? I'm not sure how I would take that comment, coming up to buy a cup of coffee and the person asking me if I want to get coffee. I'm sometimes dense at this stuff but I could reply back with "that's why I came here is to get coffee." Sometimes being blunt with someone is the best action. A comment of want to hang out is good. I would first find out things she likes and doesn't like. Ask her about current events, movies, music, etc. I would have gone with the coffee option too but you sell coffee. You could downplay your own product, like, "Hey I know a little coffee shop that's better than ours, my treat, would you like to meet up there and get to know each other?" Of course, take her to a coffee shop you've been to and actually like. I'm just throwing stuff out there.


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## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

Thank you again for the answers. Now, my question is, isn't it off to ask for doing something out of the blue? Shouldn't I have to create a bond with her and then take a step forward?


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## UpClosePersonal (Apr 18, 2014)

TaPele said:


> Thank you again for the answers. Now, my question is, isn't it off to ask for doing something out of the blue? Shouldn't I have to create a bond with her and then take a step forward?


I thought you had bonded from what I read above.

Have you thought about what exactly it is about her that has you crushing on her?
When you meet a someone who you should date, the compatibility should be beyond doubt. It should feel like you've been friends long before you even met. Usually the conversation flows so easily that you can pick it up at any later time.
So a date becomes just an opportunity to continue the great talks that you've experienced so far.


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## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

UpClosePersonal said:


> I thought you had bonded from what I read above.
> 
> Have you thought about what exactly it is about her that has you crushing on her?
> When you meet a someone who you should date, the compatibility should be beyond doubt. It should feel like you've been friends long before you even met. Usually the conversation flows so easily that you can pick it up at any later time.
> So a date becomes just an opportunity to continue the great talks that you've experienced so far.


Oh, sorry. Maybe I wasn't clear... So far, she just comes to buy or asks for smaller bills. When she comes, I always try to talk with her beyond the obvous things (how much does this cost, etc.) for instance, asking her how is her shop going. Also I try to slip kind of compliments or empathise with her, yesterday she asked for a sandwich and I noticed she was cold again. So while she was leaving I told her I would bring her the sandwich after having heated it up (also showing I care for her) and I added something like "oh, poor", like "what a pity you're cold". I guess the key is to do these little things in order to check if she reacts possitively and if so, then take a step forward.



> Have you thought about what exactly it is about her that has you crushing on her?


Mainly her eyes. They are stunning...

Up until know I couldn't bring up a more personal topic, how could I do that?


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

TaPele said:


> Thank you again for the answers. Now, my question is, isn't it off to ask for doing something out of the blue? Shouldn't I have to create a bond with her and then take a step forward?


I'm having a hard time choosing my words here, but I'll try my best to help as much as I can. Relationships are extremely difficult to handle because healthy ones require both parties present be equally responsible for creating something together. "Traditionally" speaking, (and I cannot stress this enough) -- I mean no offense by using "traditional" as my example of choice-- It's the male's "job" to initiate and the female's to reciprocate or respectfully decline. Unfortunately, we're talking about a scenario in which the subject of affection is a repeat customer where you are the employee. Ethically speaking, it is considered "inappropriate" to do it and for good reason: it over-complicates things which are already complicated to begin with. In short, it makes for bad bedfellows and the aftermath of a potential fallout afterwards could have dire consequences that range from civil to criminal liabilities; or in some cases, both. I guess what I'm saying is that 'love' is a gamble. Even if this girl doesn't reject you flat out, there's always a potential deal breaker that's going to rear its ugly head around the next corner. What I don't feel comfortable with is the fact she just broke up with her boyfriend. If you're not careful, you very well could be heading towards a rebound relationship. Are rebound relationships bad you ask? It varies from person to person. This is why I said earlier that whoever you choose to be with should already be an extension of who you already are. If you date a girl under false pretenses, rest assured... it _will_ come to light eventually. If you care about your job, I would let her go; despite developing feelings for her. If you don't care about your job or any potential ramifications coming as a result of asking the girl out on a date, you've got more than enough wiggle room to spare.

All that being said, you need to ask yourself one important question: Is it love, lust, an infatuation, or is it limerance?

Love - an intense feeling of deep affection
Lust - a very strong sexual desire
Infatuation - An intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something
Limerance - the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship

Determining which bracket you fall into will determine the course of action required. And just so we're all clear, I know EXACTLY what limerance is and feels like. Which is why I got so heated in the first place. I've been struggling with my own limerance battle for over 20 years.


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## Nannerl (Jan 6, 2021)

Tripwire_Desire said:


> Good Lord... Have you no shame? It's incredulously insulting that you would even suggest such a thing to OP; regardless of whether or not you're being serious. I hate to break it to you, but not all guys have one thing on their mind. And only God knows just how sick and tired of this misogynistic bullshit I am. So you have your grievances against women. Well congratulations!!! It's duly noted now. Unfortunately, it does absolute fuck all for OP and rest of us who have read your stupid ass joke/comment; or is it simply a pitiful attempt at creating levity, masked as a projection wreaking of personal failure(s)? Now, if you would be so kind as to offer a REAL suggestion, it would be greatly appreciated. Needless to say, I'm not an admin. That being said, you have 3 options at this point: 1.) You can take my post to you with a grain of salt -- if you'd most prefer. 2.) You can respond with a defensive post littered with insults that attack my character. 3.) *BE A FUCKING ADULT*. Apologize, take this shit seriously and actually be a contributing member of this thread -- rather than be a complete and total shit bag of epic proportions. It's clear from my stance where I stand on the matter, but the ball is in your court. Above all, regardless of your response, I implore you to do the right thing.
> 
> To OP,
> My suggestion is don't put all your eggs in one basket. As others have suggested, ask her out and get to know her over a cup of coffee. Talk about her likes and her dislikes. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to "be yourself" because that's of no use to you, me or anyone else who is struggling with meeting the right girl, at the right time and under the right circumstances. Above all, remember that there's no such thing as Mr. Right -- There's only Mr. Chosen. Who you choose to be with should be an extension of who _*you*_ already are. And as she evolves, so will you; and vice versa. And for the love of God, don't listen to those who imply that you did something to "creep" her out. Gathering the courage to talk to a potential romantic interest in the first place is unfathomably nerve-racking enough as it is. You don't need that added pressure; that would be like choosing to go skydiving _without_ a parachute. I hope things work out in your favor. If she does happen to reject you though, know that I more than feel your pain -- because unlike SOME people, I have a little something called 'empathy'. It's more than okay to be bummed out about it. Just remember the most important thing: just because a door closes, that doesn't necessarily mean that all doors are closed; one will open. Right place. Right time. Right circumstances. No bull.


I felt so relieved reading this. Thank you. 
:claps:


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

TaPele said:


> Thank you again for the answers. Now, my question is, isn't it off to ask for doing something out of the blue? Shouldn't I have to create a bond with her and then take a step forward?


Yeah--I was sort of apprehensive about how you both work next to each other and must see each other. I think it might be against the rules for you to ask her out at the counter? Also, she might feel uncomfortable getting coffee there afterwards too--so just consider that (it probably wouldn't be your fault--but it could happen--some women are really avoidant). I mean, maybe it is better to just compliment, or somehow end up off-work and in the shop to see if she wants to interact with you outside of work. 

Otherwise, perhaps just oversharing that you are going to do something that weekend, and then see what her reaction is--if she says "sounds like fun" or something, you could ask her if she's interested in that activity. Maybe even if she'd like to go.

Like she could say "how are you today?" (which is a normal, polite thing to say),

And you could say "I'm really good because I'm so excited to go see/go do blahblahblah this weekend."

Then she could say "oh--sounds like fun!" and you could say "are you interested in that?" And then see by her reaction--if she is you could even invite her. Or else it'd be a step towards getting to know her a little.


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

Just to clarify, there are 8 types of "love":

Philia - Affectionate
Pragma - Enduring
Storge - Familiar
Eros - Romantic
Ludus - Playful
Mania - Obsessive
Philautia - Self
Agape - Selfless

We are often told that love is "complicated", but it's never truly explained as to why. Well, this is why.

On top of love being complicated enough as it is, we also have to worry about where we stand psychologically:

Infatuation - Passion
Liking - Intimacy
Empty Love - Commitment
Fatuous Love - Commitment + Passion
Romantic love - Passion + Intimacy
Companionate love - Intimacy + Commitment
Consummate love - Passion + Intimacy + Commitment

With love being this complicated to begin with, It's no wonder why the divorce rates are as high as they are.


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## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

I guess there's no risk in terms of being fired because (maybe I should have mentioned it before) I work with my family. My parents and one of my uncles. So in that sense there's not risk


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

TaPele said:


> I guess there's no risk in terms of being fired because (maybe I should have mentioned it before) I work with my family. My parents and one of my uncles. So in that sense there's not risk


That's good to hear, but it still doesn't put someone like me 100% at ease. But since this is the case, I would go for it. Can't be as bad as what happened to me. I offered a wrist watch to a girl in one of my classes as a token of my affection for her and she not only turned me down, she whipped her hair in my face, scoffed, stormed away and told my fellow classmates about what I did -- which then lead to half the class planning and executing my inevitable physical assault. This was back in elementary school too so that'll give you even more to chew on thought wise. There's more to the story, but I will respectfully digress because this is not the place or the time to get into it. Even if she rejects you, I seriously doubt you'll be physically assaulted because of it; unless the ex finds out and he's the type. Again, I say go for it. Worst case scenario is she rejects you.


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## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

A small update: Today she came and again payed with her debit card when by pure chance, and in the blink of an eye I came up with an excellent idea. When she had to enter her ID in the device I faked suprise and said "oh, your ID also begins with 41" (as mine, of course). That came in handy for kicking off a small more personal talk. I asked her when she was born and obvously told me the same year as I. Then she asked me of my date of birth and when I told her I was born in May she was surprised and told me "My birthday was on the 5th, last Saturday!". She also pointed out, kinda eagerly, that I'm a gemini as she is. Finally she left telling me "cheers!" for my birthday. Of course I told her so.
Now I'm thinking of giving her some chocolate or candy for free...


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

TaPele said:


> A small update: Today she came and again payed with her debit card when by pure chance, and in the blink of an eye I came up with an excellent idea. When she had to enter her ID in the device I faked suprise and said "oh, your ID also begins with 41" (as mine, of course). That came in handy for kicking off a small more personal talk. I asked her when she was born and obvously told me the same year as I. Then she asked me of my date of birth and when I told her I was born in May she was surprised and told me "My birthday was on the 5th, last Saturday!". She also pointed out, kinda eagerly, that I'm a gemini as she is. Finally she left telling me "cheers!" for my birthday. Of course I told her so.
> Now I'm thinking of giving her some chocolate or candy for free...


Sounds like a pleasant exchange. But in order to open the door to a romantic relationship, you're going to have to find a way to escalate; respectfully and tactfully of course. This is where it becomes dangerously tricky though. A lot of guys tease women they like because it illicits a playful response. I used to see it as bullying, but It's not. I can both understand and appreciate the apprehension of steering the conversation to a point where it almost feels like a forced interrogation, but it's necessary if you're hoping to let her in as a vital part of your life. You have 2 options at this juncture: 1.) Get her number so you can establish an open line of connection. 2.) Make it so that she wants to become a part of your life. What you need to be on the lookout for are tells in body language. If she's open to a relationship, there are indicators of interest that will be exhibited. It's an involuntary response on her part and knowing that should help you establish a baseline to a certain extent.

I wish my dad taught me these things while I was growing up, but he was always too busy in the Bible. If all your conversations are bland, it will never illicit the response you're truly looking for. This is why the "friend zone" exists. Being her friend is not a back door for a relationship; or at least it shouldn't be. If you're romantically interested in this girl, it's going to have to come to light. How you go about doing it and manage to get out unscathed is extremely tricky though.

[I'm on foot patrol at the moment making corrections while dealing with dead spots. Hopefully, I fixed most of the grammar errors. ]


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

What you're hoping to do:





Probably how It's going to pan out:





All you can do is try. And let resilience lead the way. It's a long and narrow path, paved with disappointments. But no matter what, carry on. Even when it hurts the most -- pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

This thread is so cute 😊😊😊
I hope it works out well @TaPele


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)

This thread just reminded me of a movie called Bedazzled; with Brendan Fraser in it:




Good movie. Good actors. Good overall message.


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## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

dulcinea said:


> This thread is so cute 😊😊😊
> I hope it works out well @TaPele


Hahaha. Thanks @dulcinea ! Btw, what do you mean by "cute"?


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

TaPele said:


> Hahaha. Thanks @dulcinea ! Btw, what do you mean by "cute"?


Like a lot of women, I find hearing someone talking about having a crush on someone rather cute.
It's just rather sweet.


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## TaPele (Jun 2, 2021)

Well, today was my day off the work but I've been wondering about this. For instance, I've realised that everytime this girl and I talk, we look quite deep into each other's eyes, rarely looking away...

Also, she uses to buy sandwichs and since sometimes we have to bake bread and she has to wait, I was thinking about writing my number in the blink of an eye and giving it to her tell her "If you're in a hurry and need bread, just send me a message and I'll prepare it and deliver it to your shop" What do you think? She'll probably reject that not because of my intentions but because it might be a bit silly to ask for a delivery being that close (she works in the very first shop next to mine). I find it even more evident/laughable If I ask her number for doing so... Should I insist? Like for making it clear that I give her my number not because of the work?


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

IMO don't do that. Unless you want to give them the idea that you're like their errand boy or something. If you want to give them your number because you want them to have a choice to call you for reasons outside of work, then yes that sounds good. Just make it clear that it's for that purpose, so that you'll both be on the same page, and there's no awkwardness down the road of what the intentions were.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

TaPele said:


> Well, today was my day off the work but I've been wondering about this. For instance, I've realised that everytime this girl and I talk, we look quite deep into each other's eyes, rarely looking away...


Some people do this more--I had an INFP 4 coworker who would look into your eyes in a way that was very engaging. But it didn't really mean much aside from how she just looked into people's eyes sometimes. (She even looked into my eyes like that sometimes and neither of us are bisexual or homosexual.)

I agree with benevolentbitterbleeding that you shouldn't do the errand boy thing--unless you are prepared to really be one. I mean, I was heavily influenced by Princess Bride as a child so I think that kind of thing could be cute, but you'd have to be prepared to do it if you say that you will. imo. And I'm not sure if that's really what you want or are able to do while at work?


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## ESFJMouse (Oct 13, 2020)

I'm always cold too 😅. Heavy blankets come in handy!!


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## ESFJMouse (Oct 13, 2020)

TaPele said:


> Thank you again for the answers. Now, my question is, isn't it off to ask for doing something out of the blue? Shouldn't I have to create a bond with her and then take a step forward?


🤔


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

https://loginportal.funnyjunk.com/p...nny+yet+i+really+just+need_dfcc29_5008471.png


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## Tripwire_Desire (Jul 8, 2017)




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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

TaPele said:


> As the title says, she works at a shoe shop just next to the kiosk where I work. I've known her for roughly a year but just like this, as a customer. She usually buys us things like coffee, sandwichs and chocolate and every time she comes I try to talk with her a little, mainly about how is her work doing, how much is she selling. The other day, for instance, she was really cold and asked for a coffee. Unfortunately the coffee machine was broken but I got closer to it for checking it and having her standing right next to me almost trembling kinda broke my heart, I wanted so bad to hug her...
> Humor is pretty important I guess, so I will try to make little jokes or comments in our small talks Now, masks kinda cut off any chance of using smiles as a way of communication which for me were key, like, those little half smiles. Eyes are the key now I guess.
> Two more important facts: Since she usually pays with credit/debit cards, she's given me her ID for doing so, so I secretly looked at it and found out her birthday is on the 5th. Of course she doesn't know I know it. Finally, another quite important detail; she's just broke up with her ex. What would you do in my place? Do you have any tips?
> Thanks


Ask her out.


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## NIHM (Mar 24, 2014)

WickerDeer said:


> Some people do this more--I had an INFP 4 coworker who would look into your eyes in a way that was very engaging. But it didn't really mean much aside from how she just looked into people's eyes sometimes. (She even looked into my eyes like that sometimes and neither of us are bisexual or homosexual.)
> 
> I agree with benevolentbitterbleeding that you shouldn't do the errand boy thing--unless you are prepared to really be one. I mean, I was heavily influenced by Princess Bride as a child so I think that kind of thing could be cute, but you'd have to be prepared to do it if you say that you will. imo. And I'm not sure if that's really what you want or are able to do while at work?


I was about to say the same thing in your first paragraph. A lot of times when you have feelings for another you might dream up scenarios that might be more positive or negative than what is actually happening and the person in question may not be thinking negative or positive things about you. Examples: ohh she's into me and her eyes are locking with my soul or ohh I wouldnt stand a chance. Their current thought process could be "why did he charge her for free snacks?" They could be looking in your general direction blanked out thinking Wolverine or Hulk? There are so many times I've snapped out of a full deep thought to realize I've been eyeballing someone the entire time in my daydream and possibly causing a reaction in them. It's normally 70 to 30 ratio of negative to unwanted positive reactions at a stranger holding your stare for several minutes. One reaction could be weirdo or I'm taken or I don't swing that way all the way to wow she's hot, a solid dime and she's been eyeballing me for a quick minute, score.

Though I didn't think of princess bride which is probably in my top 10 favorite movies of all time. However I think I would go nuts with a guy constantly going as you wish.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

NIHM said:


> I was about to say the same thing in your first paragraph. A lot of times when you have feelings for another you might dream up scenarios that might be more positive or negative than what is actually happening and the person in question may not be thinking negative or positive things about you. There current thought process could be "why did he charge her for free snacks?" They could be looking in your general direction blanked out thinking Wolverine or Hulk? There are so many times I've snapped out of a full deep thought to realize I've been eyeballing someone the entire time in my daydream and possibly causing a reaction in them. It's normally 70 to 30 ratio of negative to unwanted positive reactions at a stranger holding your stare for several minutes.
> 
> Though I didn't think of princess bride which is probably in my top 10 favorite movies of all time. However I think I would go nuts with a guy constantly going as you wish.


Yeah I notoriously send mixed signals. I "flirt" with people I haven't even thought about romantically, and I can act cold and aloof to people I am wildly attracted to.

I also tend to resent the idea that anyone can tell feelings without like...having it spelled out. Like I hate the idea that I would just be asking an innocent question, and have people all assume I must be trying to initiate some kind of romantic/sexual relationship with someone. So I really prefer to avoid assumptions.

I think, similar to you (I feel like I've seen you write about this before) I often don't even know if I'm flirting, or I don't think I am, or sometimes when I think I'm being friendly it doesn't come off that way--there are even times I think I'm smiling and I am not). 

For me, I prefer to just get to that point when people can just talk directly about things, be honest and direct. Rather than having to read hints.

Everyone's values are different and sometimes our whole way of approaching the world is also different. So that's why I prefer communication that can really get more nuanced, which happens more with verbal or creative communication--not just reading into body language. 

Not everyone is most communicative with body language...or maybe some people even use it more creatively, rather than as a standardized language--or maybe some people just communicate more creatively, relying less on assumptions and the most common definitions (like I mean, definitions for certain body language--like looking at someone).


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