# What kind of man is "less" attracted to emotional girls vs offbeat ones?



## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

Ok I know no one wants to be in a a relationship with a rude person, but as a NT, I`m not as kind & sensitive as the typical girl. I know lots of boys around me who admire a woman`s sensitivity, I think the majority of guys prefer it.
I like to know as a more eccentric & cool type, which type of guy is more suited for us NT girls? I`m not that gentle, nor I "play" affection on others.


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## BlackLikeMySoul (Sep 7, 2015)

Guys with bigger balls. 

Jk, just a guy that can play with sarcasm and can handle the whole "I care about you but I don't say it all the time"-thing I guess? I am just instinctively more attracted to guys who give out a very manly vibe, like rough guys with tattoos or a chill "I don't care"-dude in jeans and sweatshirt, so maybe that is my NT part telling me to stay away from the "touchy feely" types.. 
I guess the humor and loyalty is more important in a relationship as an NT than sensitivity.


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## vesper007 (Aug 11, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> Ok I know no one wants to be in a a relationship with a rude person, but as a NT, I`m not as kind & sensitive as the typical girl. I know lots of boys around me who admire a woman`s sensitivity, I think the majority of guys prefer it.
> I like to know as a more eccentric & cool type, which type of guy is more suited for us NT girls? I`m not that gentle, nor I "play" affection on others.


What type of guy is more suited for an NT girl? First off, consider what you WANT in a guy outside MTBI. If you've met an INTP, you've met exactly one INTP, so I'm not going to go all "type stereotype" in my answer.

You also have to consider what the man prefers. I have seen many NT guys on this board say things like "ooooh, I loves me some NFP" or something like that. But then again I've seen other NT guys say that they don't want a girl that they would have to emotionally validate all the time. 

I also think functions, particularly Fe versus Fi, can have a lot to do with chemistry between two people. I personally think an Fe/Fi mismatch can be the death knell of many a relationship even if the couple have all the other good stuff going for them - more than any other function mismatch. 

If you don't share Fe/Fi, at least one member of the couple has to take the initiative to gain some sort of fluency in their partner's Feeling function or else you'll run up against a fundamental mutual misunderstanding with regard to communication of emotions. In all relationships we need our emotional sides recognized, even if it's just a feeling of comfort and companionship that you get when you're with someone that you don't need to explain yourself around, and if you use Fe and he uses Fi (or vice versa), you'll have to really roll in your confidence since chances are you won't automatically be getting your emotional needs met by his emotional style. 

You say you're not overly sensitive, nor are you the type to "play" affection on others which I interpret to mean flirt and be open about your affections. There are many F types who use Fi who are the same - this isn't exclusively an NT girl thing. 

With regard to "touchy feely", bear in mind that not all emotions are "touchy feely". MLK was an INFJ apparently (or so says an ENTP female married to an INFJ dude on another thread) and he was no milquetoast. I think what you mean is that you don't want some needy sap draining your energy and making demands of your time. Ain't nobody got time for that, I agree. 

In my real-life experience, the kind of guy who is going to respond more to a girl like you than a girl who is more stereotypically emotional or "feminine" is a guy who values practicality over passion. He has emotional needs (since we're human), but he gets those met perhaps by achieving things in the workplace which make him FEEL good, so he doesn't need to be doted on emotionally by his girl. Maybe he likes doing things with his girlfriend like going running together or some other bonding activity where you can bond without talking about your feelings. This person can be found anywhere on the MTBI Periodic Table.


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## Schema B (Aug 9, 2015)

I know I intimidate people, and I don't mean to. This became a problem while dating because most of the guys (okay... ALL) who liked me avoided telling me, didn't know what to do with it. Inevitably, this led to my own discouragement and feeling deeply flawed. Some of my earliest memories are of being told, "I know you think that, but Uniqorn, you can't _say_ that." I didn't get it. Why couldn't we just say exactly what is in our heads, so long as it's not intentionally unkind?

Years of learning to apply restraint, and I'm not "there" yet. It's now accepting I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but some people's shot of whiskey. 

There are so many positives to being unexpected, as we NT women tend to be. I've had people approach me years after our acquaintance and thank me for my straightforward attitude, because something I said or did meant more than I realized, changed their perspective.... some of their words have been the most motivating forces in my life. I'm sure there are people like that in your life, but you don't know it yet. 

Take heart. Not every possible match is looking for a female that fits classic definitions such as gentle, sensitive or nurturing. When my husband met me, he confessed that it was my direct, incisive manner of speaking that drew him to me. Bit him in the butt in the end haha! My hubby knew he would be disinterested in a woman of that nature because it would not challenge him to grow or think out of his comfort zone. We're doing great.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

@*CroolUniqorn* I can relate very well to your comment.
The weird thing about some guys who liked me & never approached me for dating is that they kept up liking me, even being in contact despite making girlfriends- I ceased showing interest to them at this step.They were so much excited about our meetings & conversations, in a way that I could n`t see with their gfs. In other words, they still seemed interested & enchanted but prefered to approach other girls.
I know not all guys are like that but I have been meeting these type of guys for relatively long time, hurting my self confidence.


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## Schema B (Aug 9, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> @*CroolUniqorn* I can relate very well to your comment.
> The weird thing about some guys who liked me & never approached me for dating is that they kept up liking me, even being in contact despite making girlfriends- I ceased showing interest to them at this step.They were so much excited about our meetings & conversations, in a way that I could n`t see with their gfs. In other words, they still seemed interested & enchanted but prefered to approach other girls.
> I know not all guys are like that but I have been meeting these type of guys for relatively long time, hurting my self confidence.


I find it hilarious and sad. I mean really, what do these guys think we're going to do to them?? There's nothing we're capable of that other women aren't as well, like rejecting their affections. (Granted, they could think a rejection from us would be equally blunt. Not the case for me. I treat those emotions in others with more consideration because I know the intensity of my own feelings that sit deeper in my core.)

My two biggest almosts in life were guys who slacked off often but were very intelligent. They met me, realized all the ways they felt they didn't measure up, and put off our relationship to work on themselves. One told me outright he thought he screwed up bigtime and was ashamed, didn't deserve me. What they didn't realize is that I wasn't on the lookout for a finished product. I don't sit on some throne of perfection denouncing all the less-thans, you know? Maybe consider being more vulnerable about your own insecurities. We NT women tend to put up impenetrable walls around fragile insides that we are afraid to let others see, but the problem with approaching relationships from behind walls is that the guy thinks he doesn't have what it takes to get through.

I agree it's challenging. One of the hardest parts of being a NT girl. The real help would be having some men offer their views here.


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## Laze (Feb 19, 2015)

If she doesn't intellectually intimidate me then for the most part I just find it boring. There's nothing more sexually attractive than a girl looking at you like you're a piece of shit before she rips you apart with superior logic and knowledge, though I've yet to experience that in real life.


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## nautilus_5 (Sep 9, 2015)

My, this post hits home for me. All the guys I end up liking have been NTs as far as I can tell, and they all want a girl that's sensitive and will take care of them. It. Is. Infuriating. I would never date a guy who was so emotional, and the notion of being "taken care of" is nauseating to me. Unfortunately, these are the men I attract--obnoxious ENFx "chivalrous" types who refuse to leave me alone, thinking that I'm "playing hard to get." I wouldn't even know _how_ to do that, let alone _why_. It's quite upsetting, actually. I mean, I'd be a cat lady, but I'm allergic to the damn things.


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## MCK (Jun 19, 2015)

CroolUniqorn said:


> I mean really, what do these guys think we're going to do to them?? There's nothing we're capable of that other women aren't as well, like rejecting their affections.


You are correct.

Any girl can be brutal if she chooses but the style changes. I'm currently flirting with an SF lady. She can be pretty much heartless on occasions. The style is just different. She will say something and I'll be, "But?....that makes no sense...". It doesn't stop her though. I'm not sure if she does it just to try spike a reaction in me but its pretty easy to laugh off....and fairly confusing to try follow.

The difference between NT women and this girl....Your statements are accurate and have logical foundation....that's what men might find intimidating...that's harder to laugh off.

Interestingly my sister is an NF, she is brutal and very incisive and men love her....until she falls for them and gets soppy, then they tend to leave...(then again, those might be NT guys)



marybluesky said:


> which type of guy is more suited for us NT girls? I`m not that gentle, nor I "play" affection on others.





CroolUniqorn said:


> I agree it's challenging. One of the hardest parts of being a NT girl. The real help would be having some men offer their views here.


From my own point of view, dating an INTP was a refreshing change. She kept on asking why I wasn't intimidated but as far as the relationship went it was just so easy.

I doubt many NT guys will be intimidated and you will probably find that your impenetrable walls come down faster than you expect because you get distracted by the free flowing conversation. I also think NT guys would kill to meet more NT women.

As for other guys....(girls in my case), this is my best guess....

Emotions work like any other system. They are readable and learnable. When you meet someone new you can see their insecurities very quickly. Guys like having there ego's challenged, they run away when there egos are cracked. Don't prod those insecurities too hard, even if you are just being yourself. 

I'm not trying to say don't be yourself...You were born with an exquisite ability to notice whats happening around you and be a chameleon in social situations. Use that. In fact my INTP girlfriend used to ask me often that if she was missing doing something then could I tell her. Just saying "I'm bad at this, please tell me if I say something.." might be enough for most guys. 

The best advice I was given was by a psychologist who noticed a few of my interactions. He came over and told me this...."people are onions, they like being peeled layer by layer....you tend to chop the onion in half and then watch to see what happens....". I think most NT's do this. I have to constantly work at peeling the onion, but it works. Then again it might seem like too much work.

You were born with perfect tools to crack ego's....put them away until the guys can see that you all are just big softies inside


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## lightbox (Mar 5, 2014)

marybluesky said:


> The weird thing about some guys who liked me & never approached me for dating is that they kept up liking me, even being in contact despite making girlfriends- I ceased showing interest to them at this step.They were so much excited about our meetings & conversations, in a way that I could n`t see with their gfs. In other words, they still seemed interested & enchanted but prefered to approach other girls.


I've experienced this too. Two of them even told me they want someone with whom they can start a family (I don't want children, so that may play some part in it) and basically let me understand I'm not the practical wife material. I'm too independent, not soft enough and have too difficult plans for future. They were both INTJ. Many ISTPs on the other hand seem to be attracted to me, despite calling me "scary". I'm married to one.


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## Marvin the Dendroid (Sep 10, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> The weird thing about some guys who liked me & never approached me for dating is that they kept up liking me, even being in contact despite making girlfriends- I ceased showing interest to them at this step.They were so much excited about our meetings & conversations, in a way that I could n`t see with their gfs. In other words, they still seemed interested & enchanted but prefered to approach other girls.


This is accurate enough.










If a guy obviously wants to spend time with you but chooses someone else as GF (not because you rejected him), you probably tick two of the three boxes for him but not all three. Sex buddy is obviously something only some people do, most probably wouldn't even if they happened to share those two boxes.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

dekkr372 said:


> If a guy obviously wants to spend time with you but chooses someone else as GF (not because you rejected him), you probably tick two of the three boxes for him but not all three. Sex buddy is obviously something only some people do, most probably wouldn't even if they happened to share those two boxes.


As I know sex buddy is same as FWB (maybe I`m wrong?).If you mean that, then according to image you sent it is a combination of sex & friendship, not the relationship that contain all three aspects. However I guess you mean I was`t sexually attractive to them. In this case I can`t do any thing, literally.
PS: FWB is an interesting idea to me. In fact I prefer it to a relationship with lots of emotional baggage, as a cold NT who who is`t emotional. :kitteh:


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## lightbox (Mar 5, 2014)

dekkr372 said:


> If a guy obviously wants to spend time with you but chooses someone else as GF (not because you rejected him), you probably tick two of the three boxes for him but not all three. Sex buddy is obviously something only some people do, most probably wouldn't even if they happened to share those two boxes.


That image lacks the practicality point of view (common interests etc.). I believe that's the reason I don't qualify as GF, let alone wife material. My INTJ male friends were impatient about starting a family. They wanted kids and the usual stuff, or thought they want it. They ended up with practical, loving, maternal type women and had kids soon after marrying. It's been a few years since the first one had his kid and now he's starting to regret the marriage. They grew apart. I could see that coming years ago, but didn't want to say anything because of the friendship. I'm not saying I would've been a better match - probably he would have regretted not having kids if he ended up with me - but that people often take take the practicality aspect either too seriously or not enough seriously. In my friend's case I believe the wife was a good sex, friend and practical match, but their love was quite shallow.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

These types of girls are attractive. It is emotional, Byronic men that are unattractive.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

lightbox said:


> My INTJ male friends were impatient about starting a family. They wanted kids and the usual stuff, or thought they want it. They ended up with practical, loving, maternal type women and had kids soon after marrying. It's been a few years since the first one had his kid and now he's starting to regret the marriage. They grew apart.


I know INTJ males who criticize society norms but choose a very conventional way to live. I doubt they regard a partner as a friend. I find their viewpoint about marriage rather traditional- a woman who`s a good housekeeper & is sexually attractive, nothing more than that (even if their couple is more modern like). Then after a few years they complaint about how their wife "doesn`t get them." I noticed this happens more for NTJs than NTPs.


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## Marvin the Dendroid (Sep 10, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> As I know sex buddy is same as FWB (maybe I`m wrong?).If you mean that, then according to image you sent it is a combination of sex & friendship, not the relationship that contain all three aspects. However I guess you mean I was`t sexually attractive to them. In this case I can`t do any thing, literally.
> PS: FWB is an interesting idea to me. In fact I prefer it to a relationship with lots of emotional baggage, as a cold NT who who is`t emotional. :kitteh:


I didn't mean you weren't attractive - I wouldn't know. All I meant was that something was missing out of those three.

FWB sounds like an attractive idea to a lot of NTs no doubt, but I suspect few would find it fulfilling in the long run. It would take a lot of maturity to last, and if both had plenty of maturity, well, I doubt they'd stay just FWBs. Potentially a decent short-term solution though.


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## lightbox (Mar 5, 2014)

marybluesky said:


> I know INTJ males who criticize society norms but choose a very conventional way to live. I doubt they regard a partner as a friend. I find their viewpoint about marriage rather traditional- a woman who`s a good housekeeper & is sexually attractive, nothing more than that (even if their couple is more modern like). Then after a few years they complaint about how their wife "doesn`t get them." I noticed this happens more for NTJs than NTPs.


So true. I think I'm going to ask the INTJ friend about this. Now that he's come to the conclusion that he'd been better off with someone else I don't think it's going to harm our friendship. (Maybe it never would have, but I didn't want to risk it.) Although I can guess what he's going to say: He can find intellectual stimulation elsewhere, but he couldn't have had children with a friend. He doesn't need his wife to be a really good friend because he has me and a few other people for that. He himself is a bit impractical and lacks many of the qualities his wife has; they make a good team after all. He doesn't necessarily need that much passion in his life because he's quite down to earth and finds big feelings uncomfortable. He appreciates security and doesn't want to compromise - it's better that his wife has very ordinary plans and needs. My needs, for example, would make his life too difficult since I want to live abroad at some point, love independent travelling, hate house chores as much as he does, want to make a career and so on.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Us NT women are happier alone - with casual and long term dating and friends with benefits.

Very few men will put up with my personality for long.


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## WhereverIMayRoam (Jan 16, 2011)

Agni of the Wands said:


> ...It is emotional, Byronic men that are unattractive.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Look for Anomalies in stereotypical personality types you do not particularly like.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

johnnyyukon said:


> So I say women are instinctively caring and now I'm a sexist?





> sex·ism
> ˈsekˌsizəm/
> noun
> prejudice, *stereotyping*, or discrimination, typically* against women, on the basis of sex.*


By definition, yes.



> Yikes. You must be fun at parties.


Do these parties involve having sex, or playing Cards Against Humanity? If so, yes, I am quite fun.



> We'll just stick with the bold, seems a good way to go out.


Don't ask for more than you can handle.


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## SiFan (Mar 10, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> [MENTION=67513]....
> 
> And it may be the case for some guys (it makes sense) but apparently not for the ones who date dominant girls. Of course I didn`t create the thread merely for personal & current issues: I heard every now & then that all guys wanted kind, calm, caring girls (and other types of girls should try to behave like that). I was curious to know more of others` opinion on the subject.
> 
> .....


So: What kind of man is "less" attracted to emotional girls vs offbeat ones?

Best bet is someone who does not necessarily require much open expression of emotion and, for sure, is attentive to 'offbeat'. Suggest the man for you will be INFJ or, possibly, INFP.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

SiFan said:


> So: What kind of man is "less" attracted to emotional girls vs offbeat ones?
> 
> Best bet is someone who does not necessarily require much open expression of emotion and, for sure, is attentive to 'offbeat'. Suggest the man for you will be *INFJ or, possibly, INFP*.


INFJs are nice and all, but why no mention of NTs?


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## nautilus_5 (Sep 9, 2015)

INTJ Killed July said:


> INFJs are nice and all, but why no mention of NTs?


Exactly. That's sort of the point of this thread: why don't other NTs like us? NFs are okay as friends, but any more than that and I start to get the urge to bang my head against the wall in frustration.


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## SiFan (Mar 10, 2015)

INTJ Killed July said:


> INFJs are nice and all, but why no mention of NTs?


Because, in this situation, NTs are part of the problem-- i.e. because they are not so much into feeling. 

Putting this another way: someone who does not put out a lot of obvious feeling should aim for someone who is a sensitive feeler as a match.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

nautilus_5 said:


> Exactly. That's sort of the point of this thread: why don't other NTs like us? NFs are okay as friends, but any more than that and I start to get the urge to bang my head against the wall in frustration.


I've only been in one serious relationship with one non-NT, and it was a shitstorm.

Sure, other introverted NTs hurt me, I hurt them, and we eventually headed our separate ways. But it doesn't change the fact that those relationships were incredibly satisfying, and mutually-beneficial to both parties.

I never felt like I had to take care of my INTJ exs, and they never felt like they had to take care of me or my emotions. The relationships were intense, but deeply fulfilling, and as a fully-grown adult with a business to run and my own personal goals to chase after, I don't have any time for someone that's not focused, organized, and good at handling their emotions.

I think alot of NT women are attracted to emotional guys because we wish we could possess their traits.

A big reason I got into a relationship with my ESFJ ex was because he could feel in ways that I couldn't, and he was so open with his feelings. And for awhile, after being heartbroken over other NTs, I thought that's what I needed. Sadly, I was wrong, and it ended horribly because I wasn't willing to baby his emotions, and expected him to step up to the plate, and be a fucking human being with (personal) responsibilities.

I've always been attracted to other NTs, and I think they find me attractive as well, with ENTJs (Just realized that I have actually met one. Dude was insane, but the arguments we had turned me on...) being the most attractive, and INTJs being the most hellbent on making me "theirs". And also, I find that once you get an NT to open up, things get so much easier, and they hold back less.

For instance, my first INTJ ex told me he loved me the first day I met him.

It was like some shit out of a fucking movie: We met one day where I was feeling especially...torn down due to the recent loss of a loved one, and ended up opening up to him and dishing out witty banter for close to 10 hours (Yeah, after we met for the first time, we talked for 10 hours straight. Coffee was our friend) until he was finally like "Ok, um. This is going to be alarming, and I don't want you to respond what I'm about to say, I want you to sleep on it and if you don't ever want to see me again I completely understand and will never contact you again...." At this time I didn't know what the fuck to think. Was he a serial killer? A stalker that knew the intimate details of my life? A recovering alcoholic? A meth manufacturer? Who knew. 

He basically dished out the longest I-don't-want-you-to-think-im-a-creeper speech I had ever heard in my life, then after a long pause (And tons of scenarios running through my brain) he said "I love you." and it go super weird for like 5 minutes, and then we went back to talking shit to one another.

We not only stayed together longer than my ESFJ ex (We were only together for like 7 months. Was with INTJ ex for close to 2 years.), and were happier overall, we also are still great friends after the breakup.

In short, I _*DO*_ think NTs like us, _it's just not a natural occurrence for us to open up in any way_, so we end up sort of missing each other, and ignoring opportunities to connect with one another.

Personally? If he hadn't have shared some deep-seeded shit with me after I opened up about the loss in my family, and the loneliness I felt spending a holiday alone, I dont think I would have ever picked up another one of his calls. I would have thought he was a sarcastic asshole looking for someone to cure his boredom, but because I opened up first, and was quite shameless about everything, he opened up, and we both got to know each other on a deep level. This was great for building a strong foundation, and made it easier to level with him when his Te would get out of control.

*Now that I think about it, I've had relationships with or contemplated dating 3 types of NTs, and here's my observations about what they thought of/how they felt about me as a female NT*:


ENTJ (1 guy [NOTE: I JUST remembered that I've actually been involved with an ENTJ a few years back, so the story may be a bit cloudy] We met online, and had tons of common interests. He liked to test my limits, and debate his ass off, and I think he admired AND was intimidated by my Ti. When we first met I think he was shocked that I could not only follow his logic, but also keep up with logic, and build my own arguments on the backs of his own. In short, I think he was flattered, and wanted to test me (and my intellect) to see how I'd handle his entire package. Hell, it seemed like for a second that he was priming me for marriage. I think he wanted to continue dating me, possibly get a little more serious, but I soon lost interest after he continued to test my intellect. (Im intelligent and could follow his logic. As far as I was concerned, that was good-enough. No need for more testing..) He liked what he was seeing, called me frequently enough to know he was interested, but I simply was not enthused. In this case, he liked me more than I really liked him, and was a bit...unaware at how I felt about him. <- *I think this is actually a more common outcome, when there's an NT woman with a (well-matched) NT man.*

-
*NOTE:* I have also had a few sexual experiences with ENTJs. If you're considering fucking one, pop a few painkillers ahead of time. Your back will thank you.
-


INTJ (2 1/2 guys): I think they viewed me as something special - a prize even, but not in the traditional sense. They both thought I was stunning, so of course there was a physical component, but it wasn't in the typical "trophy-wife" way. I really think they thought they'd never meet another female like me, or as intelligent as I, and they both held on for as long as I'd let them. I also think that if I came back into their lives right now that they'd seriously consider leaving their current relationships to give it a go. INTJ men are a little lazy both in life and romance, but they DON'T PLAY AROUND when it comes to securing any items that they deem necessary - even if that Item is a woman.


INTP (1 1/2 guys): There was tons of common ground, and mutual respect, but I honestly think they wanted to be with someone that had a little less intellect. At first I thought it was an introvert thing, but after getting to know these guys it was clear that even a strong-headed female ENTP/J would be too much to handle for them. I think they liked the idea of me, more than they liked what was presented. Basically, the opposite of ENTJs. While I don't date INTPs I like them as friends, and they tend to like me as a friend as well. 


I've never been with an ENTP, but as I said earlier in this thread, I think we'd kill each other after a round of hot sex.

To sum this all up, I think we crave the qualities of non-NT men, because we think we'd be more feminine if we cared more. BUT, I think our best match will be another NT. Mostly because they get us, but also because we will NEVER be gentle, docile creatures, so pairing us with someone that has those qualities will only reinforce how different we are from "normal" women.

At the end of the day, I felt the most confident with my INTJs. I felt the least confident with the ESFJ, and INFP (I dated one briefly. Bad sex. Needed more Te). The ESFJ never said a bad word about me. The INFP I dated would never dream of saying something that could have possibly been hurtful.

The INTJ ex was constantly ripping into me, as I would him.

I think that says alot about the level of comfort among other NTs.

/rant of my life


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

SiFan said:


> *Because, in this situation, NTs are part of the problem-- i.e. because they are not so much into feeling. *


You lost me completely.



> Putting this another way: someone who does not put out a lot of obvious feeling should aim for someone who is a sensitive feeler as a match.


With all due respect, that's bullshit.

I'd rather try my luck with a sociopathic ENTJ than be with another feeler. 

At least it'd be interesting, and mentally stimulating while it lasted.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

SiFan said:


> Suggest the man for you will be INFJ or, possibly, INFP.


 In fact I`m a little bit obsessed with INFJs:tongue: & think they would be my perfect match. I have a good relationship with INFJs in my life though I never dated one. I also have a INFP sister & we can have deep conversations I don`t have with every one. In general I find NFs` personalities very interesting.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

INTJ Killed July said:


> You lost me completely.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You seem to have majorly crippling preconceptions here.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

*@**INTJ Killed July* I was attracted to only a NT guy- who I assume was INTJ & married, so no dating. ENTJs seem too bossy for me. They lack empathy+ I hate aggressive sex that you mentioned. I am not a feeler, though I`m not rude. I don`t know about NTPs. I met one, with good sense of humor & intelligence, but I would be tired of his crude jokes, laziness & pretending not giving a f..k to anything if I dated him. It was an extreme case, I guess not all NTPs are like that.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> *@**INTJ Killed July* I was attracted to only a NT guy- who I assume was INTJ & married, so no dating. ENTJs seem too bossy for me. They lack empathy+ I hate aggressive sex that you mentioned. I am not a feeler, though I`m not rude. I don`t know about NTPs. I met one, with good sense of humor & intelligence, but I would be tired of his crude jokes, laziness & pretending not giving a f..k to anything if I dated him. It was an extreme case, I guess not all NTPs are like that.


...Are you sure you're an INTP? Serious question. You seem incredibly sensitive. Or, maybe you're asexual, or sexually repressed, or were abused as a kid - I have no idea.

I'd say date an INTJ who's, ya know, available.

Just make sure to screen your dates properly. If you don't want someone who's lazy, date a guy with a demanding job, that has instilled some offbeat values within him.

The greatest thing about INTJs is that they're only lazy in certain circumstances, and at certain parts of life - I'm in my early 20's now, and dated the first INTJ about 3 years ago. He was a bit older (25), but still settling into adulthood. I loved the fact that I could laze around with him for days, and he would never look down on me for leaving my dirty underwear in the kitchen, or spending 10 hours watching House, MD. But, he was also constantly challenged with personal-life dilemmas (Basically, he hated his career, and was decided to get more education, or stay in his field) that didn't relate to me, and it became too much for me personally. 

Now, he's with his current fiancee, has a job and career that he loves (He was pretty aimless when I met him. He was contemplating going back to college, had a career but absolutely hated it, ect), and is actively planning for the future, and executing plans he made years ago. The issue we had weren't really related to his type, they were related to him.

As I said, if I were to come back into his life he'd consider dumping his girl, and I'd consider taking him back due to the fact that he's seemed to found some direction. There was really no downside to INTJs. Just that fucking Te, and YOUTH! Dude's basically an old married guy, now lol He's perfect.

And, from what I remember, the ENTJ wasn't very bossy. He was just competitive, a bit cocky, and liked to argue. I liked these things in him, and if he'd have opened up a little more, and showed his human side, I'd have continued to date him.

Again, you don't sound like an INTP chick, if you're turned off by a little intellectual debate.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

INTJ Killed July said:


> ...Are you sure you're an INTP? Serious question. You seem incredibly sensitive. Or, maybe you're asexual, or sexually repressed, or were abused as a kid - I have no idea.


Why? Because I dislike aggressive sex? I don`t see the reationship between being sensitive & abused/repressed/asexual, specially regarding this subject. And being abused sometimes reflects itself to loving aggressive sex - Well, if someone enjoys painful sex then I suspect they have masochist tendencies. But even if it made sense, relationship between being asexual/repressed & sensitive?:shocked:
As I know I am a INTP. Please explain me why being sensitive is related to some disorder for you.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> Why? Because I dislike aggressive sex? As I know I am a INTP.


See, that there.

You're jumping to conclusions, and making wild assumptions because you're emotionally invested.

As you've been typing, I've started to see some clear patterns. But, again, maybe you've been abused, or suffered some kind of trauma - I'm not judging, just pointing out that it doesn't seem like a common occurrence for one NT to dismiss another for a feeler type, and offer no real reason based on prior experience, or solid facts.

You could just be young, and sexually inexperienced. This plays a big part in the type of man you'd want.

Personally? I want a man - not a bitchy man-_child_.

But if you're a little immature, or if you're not really dominant yourself, you'd want someone who's a bit more prone to using his feelings.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

Also, the fact that you answered my post with one-sentence and immediately replied with an overtly-emotional response doesn't make your case any easier to prove.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

@*INTJ Killed July *I`m getting so curious. So you guess I`m not a thinker or have sexual problems because:
- I prefer feeler types? 
- I don`t want aggressive sex?
- I get emotional?
I`m not dominate, and it is`t a INTP personality trait. Preferring feeler types - right or wrong- isn`t a sign of being feeler or immature. Not wanting a rude partner doesn`t prove having experienced some trauma
Well, as a rational type explain clearly your reasons.
PS: I want to know others` opinion on this subject.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> @*INTJ Killed July *I`m getting so curious. So you guess I`m not a thinker or have sexual problems because:
> - I prefer feeler types?
> - I don`t want aggressive sex?
> - I get emotional?
> ...


It's not my job to provide evidence to support your argument.

_*You*_ claimed that you were definitely an INTP - so it's up to *you* to provide reasons to back up that claim.

I haven't made any claims - I've only pointed out that you preferring feeler types _didn't seem_ like a _common occurrence_ among NTs. I could be wrong, but the fact is I only made a _comment _about my *observation*; that observation in no way is considered a factual claim of any sort, and so does not warrant any solid evidence.

Again, the fact that you can't follow this logic...lol

I'll just leave it at that.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

And notice how she suddenly edited her one-sentence response as soon as I called her out on it.

This shit is hilarious.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

If you pretend to be such a logical creator why you can`t give me some solid reason for what you say- your claims are serious, so if you can`t convince me I doubt you are rational. The fact that you are so mean to feelers isn`t rational either (Your replies to NFs in previous pages), so is your generalization. When I ask you to explain the reasons your reaction is shit talking & mocking. I guess something in my reply about ENTJs bothers you so bad? Or what? I talked calmly , I can`t see why you are so in rage. Plus, your comment includes judgment while you don`t accept it. In brief, you seem nervous.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

marybluesky said:


> If you pretend to be such a logical creator why you can`t give me some solid reason for what you say- your claims are serious, so if you can`t convince me I doubt you are rational. The fact that you are so mean to feelers isn`t rational either (Your replies to NFs in previous pages), so is your generalization. When I ask you to explain the reasons your reaction is shit talking & mocking. I guess something in my reply about ENTJs bothers you so bad? Or what? I talked calmly , I can`t see why you are so in rage. Plus, your comment includes judgment while you don`t accept it. In brief, you seem nervous.


This is laughable.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

))))))) Nothing left to say.


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## nautilus_5 (Sep 9, 2015)

SiFan said:


> Because, in this situation, NTs are part of the problem-- i.e. because they are not so much into feeling.
> 
> Putting this another way: someone who does not put out a lot of obvious feeling should aim for someone who is a sensitive feeler as a match.


100% disagree. That's way too much of a difference. An F type would never get what they needed from me, and I would never understand why he didn't. Recipe for disaster. What makes you think this is a good idea? I also find it extremely insulting that you believe because I'm not always emotionally expressive I'm somehow "the problem?" Why can't the NF be the problem for needing so much gratuitous emotional validation? Or, more likely, _no one's the problem and we're just different types of people._
@marybluesky I see no evidence you are not who you say you are. Just do you--rough sex is not my thing, I was not abused, and I get nearly 100% T on mbti tests.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

nautilus_5 said:


> @_marybluesky_ I see no evidence you are not who you say you are. Just do you--rough sex is not my thing, I was not abused, and I get nearly 100% T on mbti tests.


 In fact abused people often tend to: 1- Hate sex at all it forms, or 2- develop masochist tendencies. The movie "Belle de jour", 1968, by Louis Bunuel is about a woman who was molested as a child, and we can see both of mentioned tendencies in her in a complicated way. After 47 years I find "Belle de jour" one of best movies ever made about sexual psychology, right to the point. I never heard/read if someone dislikes rough sex he/she is abnormal. The opposite could be susceptible, though.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

I've never met a person that I respected that didn't like a little bit of the rough stuff.

You have to be emotionally fragile to only want monotonous sex, in missionary.

C'mon, have an imagination. I literally feel sorry for your lovers.


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## nautilus_5 (Sep 9, 2015)

INTJ Killed July said:


> I've never met a person that I respected that didn't like a little bit of the rough stuff.
> 
> You have to be emotionally fragile to only want monotonous sex, in missionary.
> 
> C'mon, have an imagination. I literally feel sorry for your lovers.


This is frightening.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

nautilus_5 said:


> This is frightening.


People having sex in missionary is frightening.


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## johnnyyukon (Nov 8, 2013)

INTJ Killed July said:


> Do these parties involve having sex, or playing Cards Against Humanity? If so, yes, I am quite fun.
> 
> 
> 
> Don't ask for more than you can handle.



Cards Against Humanity, ok, maybe you're not so bad.


Ain't nuthin' you can throw this way I can't handle. Been there done that, and in positions that an advanced Yoga guru ain't never seen.


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## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

lightbox said:


> I don't in fact at all understand how there can be love without (a good) friendship, but maybe I already made that clear with my earlier posts about the INTJs. To me, friendship comes first and love follows or doesn't follow. I don't quite get the whole dating thing. Perhaps it has something to do with very low sex drive, I mean if you take sex out of the equation you'd hope to be left with more than just love (although, like I said, I can't imagine love without friendship).


The word 'love' is extremely subjective and even within the same person, the word can be applied differently to different things. All I can say is that if were to put my friendship with my GF on a scale from 0-10, I would say she's an 7-8 and this is good enough for me. Can love exist with a friendship score of 0? I would say it's very unlikely. Does your SO have to be your best friend? You have to find out what's good enough for you in regards to this and the hypothetical sex and love 'scales'.


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## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

INTJ Killed July said:


> I think this IS settling, but I suppose that would depend on what you expected, in the beginning.
> 
> What did you think she would provide for you, that she ultimately couldn't?


Yes, this IS in fact settling and that seems to be a "bad" word when it comes to relationships, but I'll leave that discussion for another thread. As I replied to @_lightbox_, my GF was not a 10/10 on the friendship scale, even though she was already a 10/10 on love and sex. When people are young, they enter relationships with many preconceived notions of what a successful relationship should look like. My struggle with these preconceived notions and reality is ultimately what made me unhappy, I think this goes for everyone as well, the cognitive dissonance is killer once the chemical high burns off. Faced with several choices, I did what most people do, which is to change the beliefs around relationships.


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## nautilus_5 (Sep 9, 2015)

INTJ Killed July said:


> People having sex in missionary is frightening.


No, judging the worth of people you've never met based on what they do in the privacy of their own bedrooms if frightening. Grow up.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

INTJ Killed July said:


> I've never met a person that I respected that didn't like a little bit of the rough stuff.
> 
> You have to be emotionally fragile to only want monotonous sex, in missionary.
> 
> C'mon, have an imagination. I literally feel sorry for your lovers.


NO NO NO NO pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaase respect me unless I go kill myself:angry:
Your irrational restrict view is ridiculous.


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## John Galbani (Nov 23, 2013)

Damn, bitches be crazy.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

Solrac026 said:


> Yes, this IS in fact settling and that seems to be a "bad" word when it comes to relationships, but I'll leave that discussion for another thread. As I replied to @_lightbox_, my GF was not a 10/10 on the friendship scale, even though she was already a 10/10 on love and sex. When people are young, they enter relationships with many preconceived notions of what a successful relationship should look like. My struggle with these preconceived notions and reality is ultimately what made me unhappy, I think this goes for everyone as well, the cognitive dissonance is killer once the chemical high burns off. Faced with several choices, I did what most people do, which is to change the beliefs around relationships.


I am somehow struggling with my ideals & reality. The fact that there is nothing exactly similar to what you want in your mind, then you have two options: Not having relationships or leaving them early, being always disappointed; or moderating your standards, in other words, accepting that one person won`t be able to satisfy all you need/want. So you should realize what is more important for the romantic relationship, and what needs you can satisfy elsewhere. For me it is some sort of intellectual work that makes me balanced. I have to work on myself. 
Regarding love, yes some degree of friendship is necessary for it but some ignore it, then problems show their face.


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

John Galbani said:


> Damn, bitches be crazy.


Not at all your business when you don`t participate in debate.


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## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

Right you are @marybluesky. Everyone struggles with ideals and reality at some point in their life. If you are smart enough, you will seek the "true" path and find out what's the right path for you; what are you are willing to compromise on and what you don't want to comprise on. Those who are too afraid will stay where they are and wonder forever if they made the right choices. People choose not to face this battle between ideals and reality until their own mortality hits them square in the face. I think this is what people refer to as a mid-life crisis.


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## John Galbani (Nov 23, 2013)

marybluesky said:


> Not at all your business when you don`t participate in debate.


I was going to participate, but then I read the thread...

-Who doesn't want a caring partner? Being NT and caring are not mutually exclusive. 
-Women complaining about men is just as bad as men complaining about women. Why aren't women attracted to me? I am short, poor, weak, and lazy (so lazy that I have no interest in bettering myself). This is all society's fault...


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

John Galbani said:


> I was going to participate, but then I read the thread...
> 
> -Who doesn't want a caring partner? Being NT and caring are not mutually exclusive.
> -Women complaining about men is just as bad as men complaining about women. Why aren't women attracted to me? I am short, poor, weak, and lazy (so lazy that I have no interest in bettering myself). This is all society's fault...


I don`t remember I said men are not attracted to me- and this is not the case. That`s about the way someone treats the other after first meetings, where the incompatibilities show up. In other words, if I used the word "attracted" in the title I meant being attracted to personality, something necessary for the relationship to continue, not to begin. 
Then this is a general question, not exactly about what I meet in my personal life, but more about male/female stereotypes, and how people stick/ don`t stick to them. A woman being always gentle/caring/emotional and then, let I say, less intelligent/more conventional/more submissive is a stereotype, a lot of NT girls don`t fit in that. I wanted to know to what degree men have that perception of their woman, this is the point of thread.


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

INTJ Killed July said:


> This is the only thing that turns me off of [some] xNTP/J men. The bullshit sexist comments, said in a playful-enough manner. I've never met an INTP that would ever even THINK to say that all women have "caring" traits embedded in their DNA.
> 
> May the fictional gods help me if I ever decide to date one of you.
> 
> We may end up fucking senselessly, then killing each other.


Go read Noel Coward's _Private Lives_. Either f*cking or fighting each other. :laughing:


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

INTJ Killed July said:


> I've only been in one serious relationship with one non-NT, and it was a shitstorm.
> 
> Sure, other introverted NTs hurt me, I hurt them, and we eventually headed our separate ways. But it doesn't change the fact that those relationships were incredibly satisfying, and mutually-beneficial to both parties.
> 
> ...


I've always thought the ideal match for a certain set of INTJs (male *or* female) was a fellow dragon with whom they could fly around the world, torching small villages and celebrating by screwing each other silly...INTJs need someone who can withstand their intensity and keep up with their depth. Alternatively, someone "outer focused" who can _channel _the INTJ's dragon fire to productive ends...but tactfully so the INTJ doesn't suspect they are being managed.


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

INTJ Killed July said:


> By definition, yes.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Key problem with your definition is the implicit and arbitrary use of the word "against".
Aiming for the center of the bell curve, even if inaccurate for those outliers as yourself, or even if against your preferred life script, is not "against" in any sense more significant that stroking a cat's fur the wrong way. Sparks and claws ensue.

I have seen INTJs project that since they are primarily motivated by the life of the mind, anything which would have the effect of constraining that, would perforce be equally unendurable to anyone else. But it's the latter part ("anyone else") that isn't true.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

g_w said:


> Key problem with your definition is the implicit and arbitrary use of the word "against".
> Aiming for the center of the bell curve, even if inaccurate for those outliers as yourself, or even if against your preferred life script, is not "against" in any sense more significant that stroking a cat's fur the wrong way. Sparks and claws ensue.
> 
> I have seen INTJs project that since they are primarily motivated by the life of the mind, anything which would have the effect of constraining that, would perforce be equally unendurable to anyone else. But it's the latter part ("anyone else") that isn't true.



Not an INTJ.

INTP, which is probably why I can see through this jargon.

Nice try, though.


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