# Misanthropy - is there a cure? A treatment?



## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

Maybe my question is a bit misleading, but I'm trying to understand why I care so deeply about individual people, even (maybe especially) ones I have just met, and yet have so much contempt for humanity in general. I'm a news junkie and can't stay away from the headlines even though most of the stories make me sick. But it's not just in the media, it's also in the business community, the local social scene...

The dilemma is that, on one hand, I'm sometimes afraid to show people how much I deeply care about their problems because they might question my motives (which are sincere) and push me away. I don't want to feel like I'm some creep. Yet at the same time, I can't seem to get over my disdain of the general human population.

I've felt this way for a very long time, so it's not as if I've never thought of just "changing my attitude" - please don't suggest that - it won't work.

Any advice? Anyone else feel the same way?


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## Latte (Nov 24, 2009)

You could attempt to make your mind go blank every time you react like that. I have unlearned some emotional reactions in this manner. It is a crude and lengthy process, and is rather steep and seemingly fruitless at first, however, it worked in the end.

You could attempt seek out people that fit some of the "kinds of people" you are upset about the most and see if you can become comfortable with them in some way.

There is also meditation, but frankly speaking, being in meditation is a very blanket term for diving into a lot of (extremely many) different sorts of states of mind. Some of these, when applied to you for chunks of the day can in general lead to a lower frequency of automatic negative reactions as well as a less serious negative reaction.
Disclaimer: This can also happen with some positive ones. You can also gain some new kinds of reactions. be careful and make sure that how you are when you meditate is not detrimental to yourself. As much "nothingness" as possible is preferable to avoid negative outcomes. Forcing through states with willpower is highly discouraged.


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## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

I think if you're dissapointed with humanity as a whole, there's a feeling of powerlessness that can lead you to disdain what you can't change. There was something in the news recently that keeping the TV on news or opinion shows can raise your blood pressure. They recommended turning it off. I do that because I stress over the news. I put myself in everyone's shoes and feel terrible. So I limit my viewing.

If you easily feel love for individuals (a very NFP kind of thing) than you should enjoy that and be yourself. You might find people will know you're sincere if you ask about them, and if they don't, it might be thier own filters and past that make it hard for them to trust. I say love as it comes and be the friend you want to be. Some will respond and others wont. 

I'm so curious about people and I've found, most are not offended when I ask personal questions because they can tell I'm sincere. I bet it will be the same for you.


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## Kanon (Nov 7, 2009)

You may just need to change your approach. The first thing you may want to do is just be upfront with people you care deeply for and let them know that it puts your soul at rest when you see them lifted up out of their situation. Usually, people will not question hidden motives if you let them know that you are helping them for intrinsic value or peace of mind. If they do not wish to accept your help or guidance at that point, well, then that is their loss. Don't feel discouraged though. ^-^

Some people just do not want help, and once I realize that, I wish them the best and move on.


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

Kanon said:


> You may just need to change your approach. The first thing you may want to do is just be upfront with people you care deeply for and let them know that it puts your soul at rest when you see them lifted up out of their situation. Usually, people will not question hidden motives if you let them know that you are helping them for intrinsic value or peace of mind. If they do not wish to accept your help or guidance at that point, well, then that is their loss. Don't feel discouraged though. ^-^
> 
> Some people just do not want help, and once I realize that, I wish them the best and move on.


Thanks for the reply. But I don't really have much problem with individuals, I just can't relate to the "masses". The difference is that with the "masses" everything gets boiled down to the lowest common denominator. People (in general) don't care about "the truth". They don't care about "facts". And they don't particularly care about other people either, especially ones who might be a little different. I'm sick of the mindless tribalism, the us -vs.- them mentality, the shallowness, narrow-mindedness. I've studied history and I know it has always been that way and probably will never change. It's a depressing thought. I wish there were another planet where thoughtful, caring people could live and let the morons kill each other back on earth. I guess that's why I spend so much time on PerC!

Sorry about the rant! (but I feel better)


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## Kanon (Nov 7, 2009)

napoleon227 said:


> Thanks for the reply. But I don't really have much problem with individuals, I just can't relate to the "masses". The difference is that with the "masses" everything gets boiled down to the lowest common denominator. People (in general) don't care about "the truth". They don't care about "facts". And they don't particularly care about other people either, especially ones who might be a little different. I'm sick of the mindless tribalism, the us -vs.- them mentality, the shallowness, narrow-mindedness. I've studied history and I know it has always been that way and probably will never change. It's a depressing thought. I wish there were another planet where thoughtful, caring people could live and let the morons kill each other back on earth. I guess that's why I spend so much time on PerC!
> 
> Sorry about the rant! (but I feel better)


That is true. The masses probably aren't interested in 'the truth' because truth is very hard to define since there are many ideas of what truth can be. I'm under the impression that people would rather stick to their own version of truth and look down upon others who follow a different philosophy. Some go to extremes, like waging war to force their beliefs on others, while others may just flat out reject those with a different view. There is a post from the member VagrantFarce on typology central (Inferior Projection - Typology Central) who sort of summed up the idea through typology. I personally think this is found in unhealthy types... but I also believe that the world we live in is pretty unhealthy...
anyway, here it is:



> *INJ* (se): "...such a brutal, sensate landscape. why do people settle for animalistic immediacy? I'm not an animal, that's for sure. I'll conceive my own reality, on my own terms."
> *ITP* (fe): "...people are so easily manipulated and shallow. I can see how things really work, I couldn't possibly play along. Isn't anyone able to think for themselves?"
> *IFP* (te): "...individuals are so divided and discouraged, for such horrid impersonal reasons. I pay attention to how people feel, and that's more important than anything."
> *ISJ* (ne): "...such chaos and nonsense, it would all self-destruct if it wasn't for those of us keeping check of things. Do people really _want_ things to fall apart?"
> ...


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

napoleon227 said:


> Thanks for the reply. But I don't really have much problem with individuals, I just can't relate to the "masses". The difference is that with the "masses" everything gets boiled down to the lowest common denominator. People (in general) don't care about "the truth". They don't care about "facts". And they don't particularly care about other people either, especially ones who might be a little different. I'm sick of the mindless tribalism, the us -vs.- them mentality, the shallowness, narrow-mindedness. I've studied history and I know it has always been that way and probably will never change. It's a depressing thought. I wish there were another planet where thoughtful, caring people could live and let the morons kill each other back on earth. I guess that's why I spend so much time on PerC!
> 
> Sorry about the rant! (but I feel better)


I could have written this. So don't worry about "the rant". Come on, don't you know yet we are not going to be able to stomach that stuff on t.v.? I personally do not have cable. The news there is filtered down anyway. Why watch something that creates so much fear and sadness? It doesn't do me any good.

I was writing about my fear of "group mentality" last night. It is so hard for me. And if you've studied history you've probably backed yourself into a corner or into another world and are waiting for the rest of the world to catch up. It is a lonely place. Sorry. Hopefully every now and then you will cross paths with another person who sees things this way as well. 



> I've studied history and I know it has always been that way and probably will never change.


 Oh no? Technology has gotten better and better. Our ability to communicate with one another has gotten worse and worse. I think this is key. I believe there is an answer there somewhere. I have NOT given up hope. 

Thank you for posting this btw. Sometimes I don't feel that people would really believe my motives if I were to post something like this.


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> I could have written this. So don't worry about "the rant". Come on, don't you know yet we are not going to be able to stomach that stuff on t.v.? I personally do not have cable. The news there is filtered down anyway. Why watch something that creates so much fear and sadness? It doesn't do me any good.


Well, I don't watch TV (don't have cable either), I read mostly, but your point is valid either way. It's a good question. I'm addicted, I guess. I keep hoping that good sense will prevail, and sometimes it does, but the forces of bigotry and self-righteousness never rest! I guess it's kind of like watching the train wreck, or the multi-car pileup: you might cringe, but you have to look anyway.



pinkrasputin said:


> I was writing about my fear of "group mentality" last night. It is so hard for me. And if you've studied history you've probably backed yourself into a corner or into another world and are waiting for the rest of the world to catch up. It is a lonely place. Sorry. Hopefully every now and then you will cross paths with another person who sees things this way as well.


Yes that's basically true. That's one reason I'm here I guess. I love the people on this board, even the ones I disagree with. I have a lot of friends offline who understand this too. I guess the problem is not coming across individuals who can relate - that happens. The problem is what to do with the general public at large. I could withdraw, but then I can't be of much use. Or, I can get involved and do my best while holding my nose and trying not to puke. That is the dilemma.



pinkrasputin said:


> Oh no? Technology has gotten better and better. Our ability to communicate with one another has gotten worse and worse. I think this is key. I believe there is an answer there somewhere. I have NOT given up hope.


I couldn't agree more. My next career move will involve teaching communication. I already have the technology background but still have a lot to learn (and more to prove) on the communication side. Is there even such a discipline? I don't think so, but maybe someone will enlighten me. And I have not given up hope either.



pinkrasputin said:


> Thank you for posting this btw. Sometimes I don't feel that people would really believe my motives if I were to post something like this.


Well thanx for reading it. It's always interesting to "spar" with someone who has strong opinions but is open to others (as per my signature quote below). You have my respect. As to other people questioning your motives... Well! Here I was thinking that you didn't give a shit what other people thought! :happy:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

napoleon227 said:


> Well, I don't watch TV (don't have cable either), I read mostly, but your point is valid either way. It's a good question. I'm addicted, I guess. I keep hoping that good sense will prevail, and sometimes it does, but the forces of bigotry and self-righteousness never rest! I guess it's kind of like watching the train wreck, or the multi-car pileup: you might cringe, but you have to look anyway.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My "don't care" ness is a defense mechanism against the scary group. It is also the way I try to protect others. But I love individuals. :happy:


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> My "don't care" ness is a defense mechanism against the scary group. It is also the way I try to protect others.


I thought so. I happen to know a little about ENFPs and sometimes your tone seemed a bit defensive (in other posts, not this one) so I try to just focus on the point you're making. It's always interesting. Cheers.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

napoleon227 said:


> I thought so. I happen to know a little about ENFPs and sometimes your tone seemed a bit defensive (in other posts, not this one) so I try to just focus on the point you're making. It's always interesting. Cheers.


Sigh...I was actually sort of kidding....sigh...

And when I mentioned "defense mechanism" that is different than being "defensive". 

My shelter dog roles over onto her back when anybody approaches. Her submission is a defense mechanism.

Okay. Carry on. I liked you were honest about your concerns over group mentality.


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Sigh...I was actually sort of kidding....sigh...
> 
> And when I mentioned "defense mechanism" that is different than being "defensive".
> 
> ...



So are you saying that you never get defensive? Of just that you don't like me mentioning it?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Double. Sorry


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Never is an absolute so I will refain from using that.Remaining non-defensive is a never ending endeavor of mine. But I am quite sure I fail at times.

But often I try to "over clarify" when I feel someone misinterprets my intentions or what I was communicating. 

It happens a lot with text and emails and obviously on a forum. This is probably because we don't get to hear one another's tone or see their body language.

So when someone misunderstands me I will explain (perhaps a bit too much) what I meant.I want the air cleared. Perhaps this comes off like something else? I can understand that.

I teach and I know us teachers tend to explain too much IRL.

Also, if I feel like someone is being attacked, I will purposefully but some crazy focus onto me so that another doesn't get hurt. I feel that if I can sometimes get someone to put their anger onto me, they will leave others alone. I feel like I might be able to handle someone's attacks better.

I also use ridiculous behavior to help others feel better about themselves. I have no problem sacrificing my "reputation" if it helps those quiet people come out of the corner and speak up and feel better about themselves.

I worry very much about people who can't think for themselves or fall prey to group mentality. It scares me someone could control them someday.So I tend to be brutally and unconventionally honest so it might inspire others to hang on and not be ashamed of who they are or what they've done.

Thats all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MilkyWay132 (Jul 15, 2010)

Lilsnowy said:


> I think if you're dissapointed with humanity as a whole, there's a feeling of powerlessness that can lead you to disdain what you can't change. There was something in the news recently that keeping the TV on news or opinion shows can raise your blood pressure. They recommended turning it off. I do that because I stress over the news. I put myself in everyone's shoes and feel terrible. So I limit my viewing.
> 
> If you easily feel love for individuals (a very NFP kind of thing) than you should enjoy that and be yourself. You might find people will know you're sincere if you ask about them, and if they don't, it might be thier own filters and past that make it hard for them to trust. I say love as it comes and be the friend you want to be. Some will respond and others wont.
> 
> I'm so curious about people and I've found, most are not offended when I ask personal questions because they can tell I'm sincere. I bet it will be the same for you.


Really? I am curious about people, and wish I could ask them personal questions but I would feel as if I were intruding them if I did. Most of the time, I just want to skip the small talk and truly get to know people.


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## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

I don't have reservations about asking people personal questions. I think that since most people are so incredibly self-focused most of the time that they prefer to talk about themselves than about others. I too prefer to skip the small talk but there are those who feel more comfortable with small talk, probably because it gives them a comfortable barrier. I think that many people feel uncomfortable talking about deep personal issues.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

napoleon227 said:


> I don't have reservations about asking people personal questions.


 So....where the hell have you been? :crazy:


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## MarshmallowSerious (Nov 26, 2013)

*Am I a misanthrope?*



pinkrasputin said:


> So....where the hell have you been? :crazy:


What a delight to read this thread! I started reading because I have become concerned that I was spiralling into an unrecoverable disdain for my fellow flesh-puppets, but what a great discovery to find you bunch.

I feel like I am chatting with keen classmates again. For the last ten years I have felt like I was the only one who really gave a damn about the fabulous insights we shared.

Shame to see the two of your stop talking. It was quite an entertaining conversation.

We should ALWAYS remember that IT'S ALL JUST TALK. 

Have either of you read about Transactional Analysis? A fella on YouTube, Theramin Trees, does some great videos on the subject which I think you might like.

Anyway, thanks for sharing all. :tongue:


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## JoniMitchell (Sep 21, 2012)

Sex with someone you like a lot seems to dull hatred for others. as does empathy. neither are as easy to acquire as I make it sound


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