# Are introverts truly attracted to extroverts?



## AdverseYaw (Mar 7, 2018)

According to MBTI, introverts and extroverts gravitate towards each other and attract each other. If anybody has seen the MBTI compatibility chart, the perfect/ideal pairing is often an introvert-extrovert couple while the introvert-introvert/extrovert-extrovert coupling is not recommended.

Introverts, are you more attracted to extroverts?
Likewise, extroverts, are you more attracted to introverts?

Personally, this is far from the truth for me and my partner. We greatly dislike extroverts. They are loud, love to party, can be invasive of personal space and privacy, does not like being told no, overly emotional, loves drama, can be clingy, conceited and overconfident. Of course, this is NOT a true representation of all extroverts, but my mere observation towards those who I come across in life. I simply cannot envision sharing my life with an extrovert.


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## IwillLeaveALightOn (Mar 4, 2018)

For me it is hard to believe as well that introverts-extroverts couples are the ideal match. I have never in my life been attracted to extroverted people, only introverted. But I've also already heard about introverts (especially from the INTJ corner) who would not feel balanced with another introvert and would find it boring/too serious. For me personally I've got the feeling that introverts think deeper and that is a quality he would need to have to make me happy


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## Taileile (Jul 2, 2016)

I don't think that introverts think more deeply at all, and that stereotype isn't fair towards people who happen to be extroverted. The difference is how we get energy. 

I like extroverts, and extroverts tend to like me too. I think that it's important to balance one's life with people who are different from oneself instead of just shutting different people out. Heck, I like socializing to an extent, and extroverts make great friends for that. I enjoy knowing people who are always ready and willing to go out and have an adventure. Most of my earliest friends were extroverts and I love them with all my heart. They're some of the most genuine people I've ever met.

In regards to romantic attraction, I'm not sure! I'm dating another introvert and we've been together for three years now. It's fun because we can hang out with each other all the time and somehow we tend to need alone time a lot less than with other people. The only problem is that together we get stuck in kind of a rut where we only hang out with each other/by ourselves. Our extrovert friends help get us out and in a group and we love them for it <3


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## PiT (May 6, 2017)

I find extroverts to be somewhat offputting. People who move that easily in the company of others make me uneasy and I instinctively become defensive in their presence. On their side, I would imagine that they tend to have social needs that I could not easily meet. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my ENTP mother, and ENTPs are pretty low on the E-side of extroversion.

As far as an introvert-extrovert connection being natural, I would suspect that it flows from the need for one person to initiate and for the extrovert it is more natural to be that person. This would tend to suggest that introvert-introvert connections are less common, but it does not suggest the same for extrovert-extrovert ones. If this hypothesis is correct, we would see that extroverts tend to establish new relationships more quickly than introverts do; my experience tends to bear this out, but it is only anecdotal in nature.


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## Aluminum Frost (Oct 1, 2017)

They're more eye-catching and entertaining but some can lack depth and it can be annoying cause with an extrovert their attention is more divided, you also don't have to worry as much with an introvert I guess. But extroverts get you out of your shell more. As a whole I'm more attracted to extroverts.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

AdverseYaw said:


> According to MBTI, introverts and extroverts gravitate towards each other and attract each other. If anybody has seen the MBTI compatibility chart, the perfect/ideal pairing is often an introvert-extrovert couple while the introvert-introvert/extrovert-extrovert coupling is not recommended.
> 
> Introverts, are you more attracted to extroverts?
> Likewise, extroverts, are you more attracted to introverts?
> ...


You are tangling many variables and classifying them all under extroverted. You are new, so, I hope you research more thoroughly, before, posting such a blanket statement again.


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## incision (May 23, 2010)

Meh, depends on the introvert. It also depends on the extrovert since many extroverts dislike introverts.

My husband and all my past relationship partners except one (ENTP) have been introverted thinkers. This doesn't mean that all ITs prefer extroverts or that I'm solely attracted to ITs. It's not an all or nothing endeavor. People will mesh with whom they're attracted to and get along with. It's that simple.


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## Lady of Clockwork (Dec 14, 2017)

All of my close friends have been extroverts: ENFP; ESFPs; ESTP; ESFJ. I found introverts quite difficult to resonate with.

Anyone who can talk with ease and fluidity to people whom they have never once met, no matter their mood or environment, is endearing. I found them to be the sort of people who, once they entered the room, you knew everything was going to be OK - even if it wasn't, the confidence and charisma they brought was opium for the soul.

In terms of *partnership*, though, I'm not sure those would have lasted. It would be like some Mr and Mrs Bennet marriage from _Pride and Prejudice_, where I always retreat to my library whilst the other is constantly on the lookout for something to do. But having said that, I'm not sure I could have a sustainable relationship with another introvert - either I'm best suited for singularity, or it's blatantly dependent on the character of the individual.


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## Reila (Jan 17, 2017)

Extroverts are tiring to me, if anything. I am a low-energy kind of person, though, so it is to be expected. 

My best friend is an ISFJ and we get a long very well. Three years of friendship and counting.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

AdverseYaw said:


> According to MBTI, introverts and extroverts gravitate towards each other and attract each other.


I think that attraction probably depends on individual circumstances. Maybe an introvert who's mostly been around other introverts will be more attracted to extroverts than an introvert who's had enough extroversion and wants to relax with another introvert.



> Introverts, are you more attracted to extroverts?


I'm not, but that applies to the obvious extroverts. People who have a zillion "friends," people who are always talking, people you can't hang out with anywhere because someone they know _always_ comes by and the extrovert has to interrupt to talk to them? That stuff is annoying, and I'd be hesitant to trust that such a person is interested in or even capable of the type of relationship I want if her interaction with other people looks shallow/she's spreading herself thin amongst a million other people. 

I've had "conversations" with these types of people: they're talking to you but they have a faraway look in their eyes, like they are bored before you even have a chance to answer or scanning the people in the room for their next fix of socialization, like they're just jonesing for the most basic level of human interaction and don't actually care what you say. They look like puppies that have just come up to you but are on the verge of bounding away to wag their tails at the next human. Literally talking just for the sake of talking, saying pointless, boring shit, making up whole conversations out of nothing but pleasantries: it may as well be tail wagging since what they are saying has so little content. It's so foreign and shallow, it's creepy. Totally unattractive, as are the loud ones and the class clowns (although they can be amusing to watch).

The less obvious extroverts—the ones who can handle silence, aren't going to complain or try to drag me to social events and whatnot, are ok with my not meeting all their friends—I'm neutral towards them, not particularly attracted but not unattracted, although I do find a strong urge to socialize strange and unrelatable.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

I cant speak for everyone, but I always have been. My husband is an estj. My two best girlfriends are enfp and esfp. And my estp friend is getting ready to move and I'm really going to miss him.


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## highlight (May 11, 2017)

I'm usually attracted to extroverts but I've liked introverts too. It's not that important to me if they're introverted or extroverted as long as they respect me and don't try changing me.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

I love extroverted specimen(s). I am impatient, I like to decide on humans right away - and dislike mysterious specimens, figuring out the "_proper method to crack an egg, to prevent shatter_" and et al, making a big deal out of the basics of interaction. Extroverted specimen(s) I either like them or no. They either turn me on or off. Black and white. _No jigsaws_. I know exactly what they are all about. I can decide on spot. I do not like vague situation(s) rendering me incapable of decision. 

Introvert(s) are nice as well. But only the chatty ones that are engaging and clear/concise. I like to talk about as much as I like silence. That is often. They have to talk back. Speak when spoken to. The basics. I have known some introvert specimen(s) that do not even do that.


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

"Introverts don't interact", I'd say.

Personally I fancy ES types. Might be because they are often noticeable, prominent and project a mighty aura into their immediate surroundings. Whereas introversion is often a rejection of such impact/influence, it lacks the appeal, I hate to tell you.


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## Daiz (Jan 4, 2017)

Okaaaay, guilty confession time. 

I have it stuck in my head that quiet people are smart and loud people are dumb. And I absolutely know 100% that this is not true but it's still something I can't shake. It's a horrible way to think and I'm trying to break myself out of it. 

But yes; it's for this ridiculous reason that I am not attracted to extroverts. The only reason I was attracted to my ESTP (who is much smarter than me) was that we met online, where extroversion doesn't come through as clearly.


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## Breathing (Mar 9, 2018)

At the end of the day I'm attracted to someone I have chemistry with. I'm a bit shy, so initiating an interaction between me and someone I'm interested in can be uncomfortable. Extroverts might deal with this problem less. A little more comfortable in the spotlight maybe.
If someone is so quiet that I feel I need to balance out the conversation by being very talkative I won't enjoy myself. If someone is so overwhelming energetic, talkative and intrusive upon my time and space, that is annoying too. Extroverts and introverts that consider themselves ambiverts appeal to me.


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## Bunniculla (Jul 17, 2017)

Gotta love them ESFJs.


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## AdverseYaw (Mar 7, 2018)

Introvert-introvert works pretty well for me. In the past, all my serious relationships were with introverts. I could not stand loud, party people who were more interested in meeting quantity rather than quality of people. I just could not see myself being dragged to a party by an extrovert, bounding from people to people and being forced to meet strangers. There is no deep, intellectual conversation with extroverts. They only want to know you on a surface level and make small talks which I find completely pointless.

I find extroverts very demanding in terms of communication and hence, feel very uncomfortable around them. They usually don't appreciate silence, nor the space that I want. When dating one, I always found them too aggressive and needy. Always blowing up my phone and become very bitter when I reject them. I like the harmonious silence dating an introvert brings, and being in a calm environment. Introverts can certainly initiate too. When my current partner courted me, (an introvert) he initiated and pursued me while he respected my space and gave time to myself when I needed it. So introverts can initiate if they like you enough. They're just not as dramatic and attention-showering as extroverts.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

I certainly don't find it true. The differences in conversation style and lifestyle in general can definitely be a major difficulty. I understand the idea of covering eachother's weakspots, and I've heard some introverts say they feel like with other introverts they just don't talk enough to actually have a good relationship, BUT it certainly seems to me that introverts are usually drawn to eachother and find it easier to converse with other introverts. Having similar socializing expectations and needs makes life a whole lot more pleasant, in my experience. Just the other day I was talking with my husband about how nice it is that we both like quiet weekends at home and aren't up for seeing friends every time someone invites us, it's a relief to know we're both feeling fullfilled by staying home absorbed in our personal interests. Personally I find it a bit difficult to get close with extroverts because their conversational pace tends to leave me feeling like I can't figure out where to get a word in. 

I see people mentioning eye-catching.... but I tend to tune out flashy noisey-ness and what catches my eye is someone with a distant contemplative look, _that's_ attractive, that's interesting, that's comfortable and where I want to be. 

As I've said before, I think the whole idea that opposites should be together to balance eachother out is best kept to friendships, *not* intimate life-partner type relationships. While those can work, it seems like it would take a lot more work to stay healthy rather than falling into 'enable-ing' eachother's weaknesses or constantly grating on eachother till it's too much because of differences.


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## AdverseYaw (Mar 7, 2018)

Do you agree with this article? It's explaining why introverts are naturally attracted or gravitate towards extroverts:

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/strong...roverts-and-extroverts-attract-each-other?amp 

I agree with the poster above. Friendships can occur between extroverts and introverts. But it's difficult to see how extroverts and introverts would gain a mutual understanding or communicate harmoniously in a relationship. An extrovert is needy and thrives on the introvert's attention while the introvert finds the extrovert suffocating and needs space. The extrovert will blame the introvert for being too aloof and cold while the introvert would blame the extrovert for being smothering. I just don't see how this balances the introvert and extrovert out.


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## blondemaiden (Jul 2, 2016)

I know this has been said a million times on this post already most likely, but I think it depends on the person. How I personally feel, I would say, is that I whenever I myself am attracted to an extrovert, I admire them from afar. I don't want to actually pursue something with them, since I don't want them to feel like I'm ignoring them when I'm fueling myself by being by myself. Maybe one day I'll be with an extrovert and it will prove to be a good relationship, though, who knows!


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## Selinda (Jul 13, 2016)

nord said:


> I know this has been said a million times on this post already most likely, but I think it depends on the person. How I personally feel, I would say, is that I whenever I myself am attracted to an extrovert, I admire them from afar. I don't want to actually pursue something with them, since I don't want them to feel like I'm ignoring them when I'm fueling myself by being by myself. Maybe one day I'll be with an extrovert and it will prove to be a good relationship, though, who knows!


Personally, I wouldn't feel ignored by an introvert withdrawing to recharge his/her batteries. I usually have too many things going to be bothered by it. If my introvert withdrew, I can easily find someone else to talk to or something else to do.


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## penevelope (Apr 5, 2018)

I am personally an introvert, but I enjoy being social in moderation, I just need my quiet time too. I feel like if I were in a relationship with a very introverted person, I would not take the initiative to do anything very social, so someone moderately outgoing is good for me. I am not sure if my current boyfriend is an introvert or an extrovert, but he is slightly more social than I am and also enjoys his down time. I feel like we are a good match for each other.


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## NIHM (Mar 24, 2014)

I'm married to my INTJ husband and love him dearly.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

Honesty, at the end of the day it depends on several variables not and I or E preference. My mom complete INFJ (I on the 90% and up scale) is married to my dad an ENTJ (E on the upper 85% and up scale and in 13 days they will be celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary. So....








h:


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## goldensquid2000 (Sep 9, 2017)

Strangely enough, I'm naturally drawn to introverts, but I tend to be surrounded mostly by extroverts (and IxFJs)


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## Silwin (Aug 16, 2017)

It depends. My friends are mostly extroverts because it's easier to relate with them. I'm terrible at socializing and extroverts that are talktive really help me because, well, I don't have to work out what should I talk about etc.. On the other hand it's pretty exhausting relating with them because at a certain point they want me to be a bit more active and I try my best, but yes, I'm terrible at this.
With introverts I feel more on the same wavelength, but at the same time it is harder to relate with them. Often it happens that with them I'm the one who plays the extravert role and since I'm not good at this we inevitably get to the point where the conversation is stupid or completely absent.


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## Kalista (Apr 8, 2018)

I enjoy both the company of extroverts and introverts. :smile:

I'm not loud, I don't like to be the center of attention and spend more time listening than talking, although - as an extrovert - I feel comfortable among people - both in a larger group, as well as in one-on-one conversations. 

I personally get along very well with INFJs.


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