# New ENFP obsessed with "shazaam" people / IN/STJ / superior who told me to "obey"



## writejen

*New ENFP obsessed with "shazaam" people / IN/STJ / superior who told me to "obey"*

I love this forum. Every time I do a Google search on a question, the answer ends up here or typology.com. I've had problems with love and problems personalities with job - and for me, and what I find out is true for ENFPs in general, that's just death. 

I used to see people as one fluffy mass, with those I love as prominent. Like the sacred and the profane. Everyone gets kind treatment - but the "shazaam" people are those who stay with me forever. Does anyone else pick their friends like that - there's just a spark, and that's it? For me, once the spark happens, I want to keep them because it usually lasts. Not sure if it's because I've made up my mind that they stay, or that they're meant to stay.

I've been trying to be in a relationship with an INTJ for two years. First he breaks up with me after I've spilled our woes to a friend - the ultimate violation for an INTJ I later find out - and then he states "You're red and I'm blue." Meaning - he's rational and I'm not. Then he woos me for 1.5 years with alternate hot and cold, between "friendship" and then, if I try to date others, finally showing his underbelly and wanting a relationship - his voice breaks, which it never does because he is Mr. MBA Thinker. Finally, I threw a temper tantrum and basically said, "No more - out of my life." Because the hot/cold thing is just - awful. I need him THERE. After - I found this site - and I understand better. Though that relationship is just - too him as Big Voice and me trying to match Big Voice.

At work, I am dealing with an ESTJ or ESFJ who has been raised to a superior position - I needed her as a SME lawyer for my training scripts, and now she is VP and therefore not giving me information I need - and is taking over my creative work and letting me basically edit. I don't know how to deal because she has just cut off communication and actually said the words to me "Come on, you know that's not true" and "You disobeyed." And - I don't know how to salvage a collaborative relationship with either of those statements on the table.

And I'm semi-dating an ISTJ - but he's so not going to put up with my crazy long e-mails and mixed-up mind once those are revealed. He's too stable and methodical. Wonder when I can reveal self without it driving him - or any non-N's - away?

That's all - I may start threads of questions later if they're worthwhile. 

It's nice to meet all of you.

Jennifer


----------



## Curlyfusion

Welcome,

It sounds like the two of you have different ideas of what you want in relationship and it is causing lots of problems. This girl at work sounds like a real class act. I wonder if it is all because of the promotion she earned?

I hope you can find some answers to your problems.


----------



## silmarillion

Welcome! :happy: I hope you find answers to your problems.


----------



## colysan

Welcome to PersonalityCafe, Jennifer .

Have to agree on what Curlyfusion already said in regard to your INTJ relationship: Sounds to me like too different ideas on a relationship.
But sounds like you're over him (?), so not that much to worry about ^^.
Oh and yeah the typical ESxx INxx clash...Maybe you might hand those guys some books about introverts .

Enjoy your stay!


----------



## skycloud86

*Welcome to the forum :happy:*


----------



## Hardstyler

Welcome to PerC where every type are nice people


----------



## nakkinaama

Omg i fucking love the title, so crazy. Welcome to this place


----------



## Bear987

@writejen

Interesting first post, you'll do great here in the cafe - welcome! See you out there!


----------



## Anonynony

Shazaam!


----------



## INTJellectual

Welcome to PerC @writejen


----------



## Ed S

I have had many ENFP friends and I love them they make life interesting. If everyone was like me the world would be exceptionally boring. I have noticed that some ENFPs can either knowingly or unknowingly antagonize others in a their own funny way. Often this antagonistic behavior is really on target because your type can see right into other peoples motivations. I had a friend at a place where I worked where the boss was ESTJ and they had this strange battle going on for a while. He saw her as a loose cannon she saw him as too rigid. It was a restaurant where I was a manager and he was the GM (general manager). She was a waitress. Some guests were truly in love with her and she did a lot of the closing duties and opening duties much more thoroughly than others. But sometimes she could be pretty flighty and certain guests would leave her bad tips others would leave her huge tips. He fired her based on the lower tips and for being late a few times. However, other people had been late more often. I believe it was the way she would push his buttons that ultimately got her fired. You guys don't always play the game. Work environments can be very political at times and you guys don't tend to think in those terms. When she got fired it was basically because their personalities didn't jive well. I was sad to see her go because we hadn't really used her in a way that exposed her potential and because to her it seemed like she was fired out of the blue with no real warning what so ever. He, in my opinion, just didn't like her. So I would caution you to be careful with those types and when you notice that your "wacky" behavior is driving someone above you crazy you could be in real trouble with your job security. Don't push it. Of course, you may be happier in a different work environment and should look for a different line of work...it depends on your situation. If you love your position though be very cautious dealing with those types that don't see where you are coming from.


----------

