# Duals not appreciated until older age



## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Something that seems a prevalent pattern: duals don't appreciate one another in their younger years, and what more they may even try to depreciate one another (by younger I mean <25 years of age). After attaining some maturity and having a couple of relationships, duals being to show some appreciation for one another. 

Does anyone have dual stories from younger age bracket? Would you say that you were attracted to your duals while in school and college?


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## Boolean11 (Jun 11, 2012)

cyamitide said:


> Something that seems a prevalent pattern: duals don't appreciate one another in their younger years, and what more they may even try to depreciate one another (by younger I mean <25 years of age). After attaining some maturity and having a couple of relationships, duals being to show some appreciation for one another.
> 
> Does anyone have dual stories from younger age bracket? Would you say that you were attracted to your duals while in school and college?


I implemented it as part of my type development in the version of Socionics I've been building. I'm an ILI without a big problem with ethics or sensing


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## Random Ness (Oct 13, 2010)

I had an LSE friend growing up and knew an IEI-SLE pair of friends. We all had constant disagreements, but different ways of responding. The will of the LSE and SLE would try and control the IEI and I. I was annoyed at the SLE's attempts but the IEI stood against them, and vice versa for the LSE. The SLE was annoyed at my refusal to go along with her, but the LSE accepted me, and vice versa for the IEI.

It was a strange quad of friends. The SLE and IEI were and still are best friends. I had a falling out with the SLE and IEI (i could analyze that using intertype relations all day long!). The LSE is friends but not best friends with us all.

I had an LSE roommate recently and our friendship never started. We could never figure out what to say to each other. It was very awkward, and she moved out after first semester.

I have another LSE friend right now (still in college) and I'm drawn to her. Being around LSEs has made me appreciate their academic achievements, and I wish their diligence would rub off on me.


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## zelder (Apr 17, 2011)

I must admit that I was not attracted to my dual type in my younger years. I never envisioned marrying an ESFj. I was attracted to ISFj / INFj types. i had never had any dual friends or family and so duality was difficult for me to get used to. I have grown to appreciate duality more and more the longer I am in the relationship.


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## Mostly Harmless (Oct 16, 2011)

I don't think I ever met any LIEs in my younger years, or if I did, I must have overlooked them. Closest I got was my semi-dual LSE best friend, whom I met freshman year of college.


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## Tainted Streetlight (Jun 13, 2011)

I started off pretty exclusively being attracted to my comparitive and my super-ego. Then I dated an extinguishment, semi dual, mirage, and recently my supervisor (with a brief stint with my identical). I think this is the trend, but it can most easily be explained by the fact people take time to figure out what they want from relationships. Even the ILE (me) who is known to be the seeker and theorizer. Its only recently that I'm beginning to understand what I want from relationships. Still not sure about it though.


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## Tainted Streetlight (Jun 13, 2011)

Also, it's possible that you need to develop (or be developing) that "dual-seeking" block before you can find interest in your dual. That is... if you don't want to be good at the thing your dual is good at, why would there be communication (or even, why would you guys meet) if you're not interested in the fields they've been interested in their whole lives?


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## itsme45 (Jun 8, 2012)

Tainted Streetlight said:


> I started off pretty exclusively being attracted to my comparitive and my super-ego. Then I dated an extinguishment, semi dual, mirage, and recently my supervisor (with a brief stint with my identical). I think this is the trend, but it can most easily be explained by the fact people take time to figure out what they want from relationships. Even the ILE (me) who is known to be the seeker and theorizer. Its only recently that I'm beginning to understand what I want from relationships. Still not sure about it though.


So whatever it is you want from relationships, does it match with the theory?  is it stuff an SEI would give you? 




Tainted Streetlight said:


> Also, it's possible that you need to develop (or be developing) that "dual-seeking" block before you can find interest in your dual. That is... if you don't want to be good at the thing your dual is good at, why would there be communication (or even, why would you guys meet) if you're not interested in the fields they've been interested in their whole lives?


That's a pretty good point... Did you get "dualized" (=develop your superid) already?  I had some life stuff earlier that seems to sort of fit this idea but not sure. And it was sure done without any dual being around


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## Bat (Jul 21, 2012)

cyamitide said:


> Something that seems a prevalent pattern: duals don't appreciate one another in their younger years, and what more they may even try to depreciate one another (by younger I mean <25 years of age). After attaining some maturity and having a couple of relationships, duals being to show some appreciation for one another.


I'm afraid I'm not that appreciative of my dual in my older years either.


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## Tainted Streetlight (Jun 13, 2011)

itsme45 said:


> So whatever it is you want from relationships, does it match with the theory?  is it stuff an SEI would give you?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It's hard to know if I've moved towards theory because I knew the theory, or because the theory was true. My last girlfriend I dated because I thought MBTI was saying I should. Suffices to say that went pretty poorly. REALLY poorly. And now, yes, I want the things an SEI will provide, but there's another problem. The SEI I want is the Fe- subtype, and it's not what I consider to be a conventional type. So now I just have an idea in my mind of what I want from a girl, and MBTI and Socionics only plays a part in that image.

I'm currently working very hard on my super-ID.

As for you, care to explain about your experiences?


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## itsme45 (Jun 8, 2012)

Tainted Streetlight said:


> It's hard to know if I've moved towards theory because I knew the theory, or because the theory was true. My last girlfriend I dated because I thought MBTI was saying I should. Suffices to say that went pretty poorly. REALLY poorly. And now, yes, I want the things an SEI will provide, but there's another problem. The SEI I want is the Fe- subtype, and it's not what I consider to be a conventional type. So now I just have an idea in my mind of what I want from a girl, and MBTI and Socionics only plays a part in that image.
> 
> I'm currently working very hard on my super-ID.
> 
> As for you, care to explain about your experiences?


 I don't think it's a good idea to go by type like that. I guess you realised that already from that experience. Anyway good luck to finding the girl you want. 

How are you doing work on your superid?

As for my experiences... back then, when I was 18, I was introduced to some interesting books by an acquaintance. We didn't really stay in contact (he was definitely some NF type is all I can say) but the books started something inside me. That's where I started changing. I also talked to a few more people about things. The world kind of opened up to me in a new way. May I say it completely transformed my thinking in some aspects. Reading my diary back from those times, I sounded totally like some INFx  (And nope, not delta quadra ) 

That period of my life passed, I no longer have a diary but if I did have one it wouldn't be NF at all, tbh. But it still wouldn't be the same as my very old diary before I turned 18. I'm no longer the same person that I was before I got these experiences. And how it relates to the theory: if I look at the function stuff, what I was doing was closest to a mix of Ti and Ni. ....Fe is a very different story however


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## Tainted Streetlight (Jun 13, 2011)

itsme45 said:


> I don't think it's a good idea to go by type like that. I guess you realised that already from that experience. Anyway good luck to finding the girl you want.
> 
> How are you doing work on your superid?
> 
> ...


Well I hope you manage to find your dual. I have two friends who are ESTp/INFp and its cool to see them realize duality (even though it's platonic).


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## chaoticbrain (May 5, 2012)

Sounds like an excuse for the theory not working to me. I think it's a flawed theory frankly, and socionics kind of jumped to a conclusion around it.


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## itsme45 (Jun 8, 2012)

Tainted Streetlight said:


> Well I hope you manage to find your dual. I have two friends who are ESTp/INFp and its cool to see them realize duality (even though it's platonic).


Thanks.  Whats cool about it, can you tell me about some real life situations with them?


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## Sol_ (Jan 8, 2013)

cyamitide said:


> Something that seems a prevalent pattern


Have not noticed such pattern. Duals are attractive in any age. But the more stronger someone feels himself - the less he's sensitive to bad surroundings and looks for comfort.


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## ParetoCaretheStare (Jan 18, 2012)

The ILEs I meet in real life are usually older mature men who are either married or like to flip shits when I realize the duality and act like chickens running away from an avalanche. I either can't seem to find my ideal dual, or young people who are discovering themselves don't notice the people in front of them because of the worry bleak future life prospects this society is creating. Perhaps corruption is happening within the systems of socionics theory as well as reality.


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## itsme45 (Jun 8, 2012)

ParetoCaretheStare said:


> Perhaps corruption is happening within the systems of socionics theory as well as reality.


what do you mean by that ? :O


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## ParetoCaretheStare (Jan 18, 2012)

I mean there cannot be an objective answer to what type is whom, and which people belong to which category, and whether one is aristocratic in relations or not...especially when different tests produce such varied answers. In one test, I'm an ISFp, the next INFj, the third INFp...one even said I was ENTp...it's becoming hard to believe...

maybe people are this type when they are in the process of testing themselves or being tested...depending on which method they choose to believe to be more accurate...


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## itsme45 (Jun 8, 2012)

ParetoCaretheStare said:


> I mean there cannot be an objective answer to what type is whom, and which people belong to which category, and whether one is aristocratic in relations or not...especially when different tests produce such varied answers. In one test, I'm an ISFp, the next INFj, the third INFp...one even said I was ENTp...it's becoming hard to believe...
> 
> maybe people are this type when they are in the process of testing themselves or being tested...depending on which method they choose to believe to be more accurate...


Lol yeah maybe. I do believe people do have certain ways of thinking and traits/characteristics though. Yes maybe not as simple as socionics theory would like to imagine. Still there's things I definitely don't relate to even if some other things are not as black and white


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Sol_ said:


> Have not noticed such pattern. Duals are attractive in any age. But the more stronger someone feels himself - the less he's sensitive to bad surroundings and looks for comfort.


Usually people choose friends based on similarity to themselves, rather than picking someone who is a complete opposite. For this reason there are more benefit pairs than duality pairs. This is the pattern that I was talking about.

Someone who has had little exposure to their duals early in life may not recognize them until they try different types of relationships, and then later in life, after all the trial-and-error and less than ideal matches, they start noticing their duals as being a more comfortable relationship.

Duality isn't only attraction, there is also conflict because the leading functions of duals have very different focus. A young ESI who is very focused on Fi is likely to feel offended by her dual LIE's boorish Te and write off her duals, and only later in life start to appreciate it's value.


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## Tainted Streetlight (Jun 13, 2011)

I've thought about this more now, and I've decided that it's more likely that it's hard to find a compatible dual (socioeconomic status, attraction, etc.) and all that more time does is give us more a chance to meet our appropriate dual. Meh, my .02


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