# Extraverted Feeling sucks!



## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

god what a lousy function, no wonder I avoid using it like the plague

if you're using Fe you can't handle conflict, can't make good decisions to overcome difficult challenges, you're envious of others, hell, some people you flat out hate and you want to whine all the time, can't get anything done

and when all that isn't happening, you're in a kind of dream state where you feel good by ignoring everything else, I don't want to ignore everything else to feel good!

I think Fe messes people up, it sucks, it really sucks

what do you think ?


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## jockthemotie (Aug 6, 2010)

Haplea The Mighty said:


> if you're using Fe you can't handle conflict, can't make good decisions to overcome difficult challenges, you're envious of others, hell, some people you flat out hate and you want to whine all the time, can't get anything done


Your Fe is undeveloped. If it were developed, you could handle these things wonderfully. It's not Fe. It's you.


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## Honey Apple Jones (Jun 22, 2010)

jockthemotie said:


> Your Fe is undeveloped. If it were developed, you could handle these things wonderfully. It's not Fe. It's you.


Or maybe he's just trying too hard to fit into the persona of a caring INFJ.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

it's a strange thing, Fe lets me down whenever I'm using it, whenever I stay too much into it I get my ass kicked in some way

on the other hand, I'm not an INTJ, I don't like the claim that INTJ people are cold, I know I'm not, but INTJs here on the forums seem to go out of their way to look as unemotional as possible, which is scary

so whenever I'm in Te there's this nagging feeling that I'm not living in accordance with what I feel, but whenever I'm in Fe I'm not being as effective as I'd like

where's a switch when you need one :mellow:

EDIT: essentially it's like choosing between being effective and being a human that other humans can interact with and not be repelled ugh


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## thegirlcandance (Jul 29, 2009)

You just have to learn how to use it in a positive manner. What I've noticed, upon reflection, is that yes I'll often get my "ass kicked" eventually when I'm all in Fe mode but what I realized is that I would purely into Fe and fail to look back on my Ni.... that was the problem. If I make sure that I stay in tune to my "vision" instead of loosing track of that and doing things just to please people, I will be happier overall.

... if that all makes sense, hopefully. I could perhaps give examples if necessary.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

Haplea The Mighty said:


> it's a strange thing, Fe lets me down whenever I'm using it, whenever I stay too much into it I get my ass kicked in some way
> 
> on the other hand, I'm not an INTJ, I don't like the claim that INTJ people are cold, I know I'm not, but INTJs here on the forums seem to go out of their way to look as unemotional as possible, which is scary


I got out of my way to seem as warm as possible :/.

And your description didn't sound like Fe at all.

Fe can be very helpful when making decision for the people you love. The only problem I have with it is how Fe dom/aux users tend to be slightly judgemental if you break social norms making it harder to be yourself without feeling like an idiot

Since it's extroverted it's also objective and can be rational imo. If the Fe user takes up the appropriate social roll in a less tough love manner.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

i just find a good state to be in, then I try to be in it all the time, but it's always broken by something then I'm thrown off balance again

I don't know anything anymore


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## Cookie Monster (Nov 6, 2009)

Haplea The Mighty said:


> if you're using Fe you can't handle conflict


Funny, some people I know who use Fe are great at managing conflicts.


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## UncertainSomething (Feb 17, 2010)

Clash of the titans: Fi vs Fe.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

The land of validation, political correctness, and pettiness. 

I'll pass.


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## no strings attached (May 19, 2010)

I love my Fe. I take pride in myself for having good social skills and caring for the general well being of my peers. Except for the envious part, I can't say I can relate to any of that OP.

shit dont suck so bad eh ?


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## alionsroar (Jun 5, 2010)

I think... stick to your own top four functions? heehee. I don't have such good control over my inferior Fe but using Fi gets me into an even bigger pickle


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

On the topic of Fe, can anyone with Fi tell me what Fe looks to you from aside and what key differences from Fi do you notice right away?


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Fe is really a bad function. Then you have Fi. Welcome to He- err, the Fi experience.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

It goes against my values to like Fe. 

And yes, I notice when others use it. They usually care about squirrels or want me to care about playing nice with others over my individual needs. 

For me, Fe has the stench of shackles, chains, cages, and fakedom.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

^ Ahh, pink. It is so nice get your input on something like this, considering that you can actually speak about what it's like to be caged and tormented.


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## jockthemotie (Aug 6, 2010)

Fi users naturally think Fe is inauthentic and groupthink, while Fe users think Fi is selfish and out of touch, deviant. Neither appreciates or understands the other's focus.


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

"Fe seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through polite, considerate, and appropriate behavior. Fe responds to the explicit (and implicit) wants of others, and may even create an internal conflict between the subject’s own needs and the desire to meet the needs of others."

Perhaps, that is your problem with Fe... When you use it, you develop that internal conflict, and it's showing through causing an external conflict as well. 

Personally, Fe helps me a lot at work. Most of the time, by the time a student gets to me they are downright pissed off that they haven't been able to log in to the system. I can usually not only have them calmed down by the time they leave my office, but usually have them laughing. I don't really know if it's my Fe for sure, but I'm certainly not being fake or blunt with students that are upset.


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## CrabHammer (Jun 18, 2010)

Fe blows. Well...my Fe blows. I'm sure there are a few things that are nice about it. Actually it probably syncs well with my E9-ness, but in general it leaves me worrying about what everyone thinks of me, and constantly inferring that I 've done something wrong. But it's not really right to blame Fe in general for that. That, I feel, is more a product of Fe being my inferior function and being underdeveloped. The pseudo-empathic abilities of a strong Fe user would be really awesome. I'd really like to be able to develop it and make it as powerful a tool as my Ti and Ne.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

jockthemotie said:


> Fi users naturally think Fe is inauthentic and groupthink, while Fe users think Fi is selfish and out of touch, deviant. Neither appreciates or understands the other's focus.


Wait. But I think Fi is selfish and out of touch too. That's what I love about it. It's _feisty_.

And I appreciate others who have Fe because then they will put up with my spoiled Fi ass. Hell, they may even enable it. 

Maybe because I was raised by Fe, my Fi skyrocketed?


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> It goes against my values to like Fe.
> 
> And yes, I notice when others use it. They usually care about squirrels or want me to care about playing nice with others over my individual needs.
> 
> For me, Fe has the stench of shackles, chains, cages, and fakedom.


God yes. I could not agree more. Usually mixing me with a dominant Fe user is the worst mix that you can make. Oh God, and if you get me around an ESFJ...well ask my brother Pulp Fiction Fan what happens when I get around them.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

My mom is an INFJ, and the only thing that's ever irritated me is that I might get into...'conversations' with my sister and she accuses me of arguing. Plus, if I simply respond to something my parents tell me or question them, even if I don't have negative intentions, I'm arguing with them. In a way, she almost makes mountains out of molehills. Though, in some instances it is nice for promoting peace.
And I realize that not every Fe-user(I mean xxFJs) would be able to relate to this, but it seems as if both my grandma(ExFJ) and my mom are overly concerned with image or presentaion. They seem to be VERY bothered by the idea that people may see them negatively in that respect.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Lara Croft said:


> My mom is an INFJ, and the only thing that's ever irritated me is that I might get into...'conversations' with my sister and she accuses me of arguing. Plus, if I simply respond to something my parents tell me or question them, even if I don't have negative intentions, I'm arguing with them. In a way, she almost makes mountains out of molehills. Though, in some instances it is nice for promoting peace.
> And I realize that not every Fe-user would be able to relate to this, but it seems as if both my grandma(ExFJ) and my mom are overly concerned with image or presentaion. They seem to be VERY bothered by the idea that people may see them negatively in that respect.


lol, this brings up a good point. It seems like Ne users like to put their own creative touch on everything. Fe users often confuse this for being rebelious. In addition, people like you, Pink Rasputin, and I all are either a enneagram 6 or have a wing of 6. Thus we tend to question things. They also take this as a sign of defiance. I hate the conforming-overly group oriented part of Fe.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

NatetheGreat said:


> lol, this brings up a good point. It seems like Ne users like to put their own creative touch on everything. Fe users often confuse this for being rebelious. In addition, people like you, Pink Rasputin, and I all are either a enneagram 6 or have a wing of 6. Thus we tend to question things. They also take this as a sign of defiance. I hate the conforming-overly group oriented part of Fe.


Lara is ENTP. She has Fe. ENTP - Ne Ti Fe Si. 


And Nate, I don't "question" things because I'm skeptical. My mission is to not have my freedom taken away so I get bull headed. I'm not _trying _ to be rebellious, I'm just trying to hang on to my independence full force. While I do that, I could care less what the "group" standard is. I'm not focused on how other's may feel about it. 

However, as I get older I am aware of Fe and it's lurking presence. But I have to justify it's use in a very independent manner.

By the way I hear that Fe users need to work on _empathy_ and Fi users need to work on _sympathy._


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

> Lara is ENTP. She has Fe. ENTP - Ne Ti Fe Si.


Yeah, but I xxTPs use Fe differently than xxFJs do.



> By the way I hear that Fe users need to work on empathy and Fi users need to work on sympathy.


Damn, I wanted to respond to that...I've always had a bit of trouble differentiating 'empathy' and 'sympathy', mostly because many of the definitions seem to be a bit off and I get mixed explanations lol.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Lara is ENTP. She has Fe. ENTP - Ne Ti Fe Si.
> 
> 
> And Nate, I don't "question" things because I'm skeptical. My mission is to not have my freedom taken away so I get bull headed. I'm not _trying _ to be rebellious, I'm just trying to hang on to my independence full force. While I do that, I could care less what the "group" standard is. I'm not focused on how other's may feel about it.
> ...


I have the exact same feeling. That is what I want; not to get freedom and expression taken away. Fe users don't seem to care about this at all. 



Lara Croft said:


> Yeah, but I xxTPs use Fe differently than xxFJs do.
> 
> You beat me to the punch. I was about to post the exact same thing.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I never understood the difference either.


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## SubterraneanHomesickAlien (May 16, 2010)

Fe irritates me for sure, but I don't understand what you mean by saying, "it sucks". Functions are not "good" or "bad", but are simply more prominent in some people than in others.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

When we talk about Fe, I imagine people with dominant and secondary Fe functions, which is ENFJ, INFJ, ESFJ, ISFJ.

Hmmm..... *remembering her friends IRL and online with above types*

I don't really appreciate their effort when they try to make me feel better when I'm upset about something. I want solution and second opinion, not validation of my feelings. They give me what I do not need, which can be annoying some times.
But other than that, I don't recall having any problem with them. :mellow: They seem fine to me.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

WickedQueen said:


> When we talk about Fe, I imagine people with dominant and secondary Fe functions, which is ENFJ, INFJ, ESFJ, ISFJ.
> 
> Hmmm..... *remembering her friends IRL and online with above types*
> 
> ...


*I could not agree more.

Though Fi dominant users, ENFPs particularly, will do so just as much and encourage everyone to have this approach when helping friends. 
*


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## Strife (Aug 25, 2010)

I fail to see what any of this has to do with Fe


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## Ikari T (Nov 1, 2008)

For those of you with Fe as tertiary and inferior functions, it might not be useful for you during a young age. But maybe when you become more mature or decide to use it more often or become more open-minded, it might help in certain situations. 

I think I might have used it a few times without noticing it. Perhaps in a relationship. When I'm upset, people usually see a strong expression in my face and know right away. When I really like someone, I wrap my arms around them smiling at the girl I like. I'm not sure if that count as Fe. When I get annoyed and irritated, I raise my voice while talking to someone to let the person know I'm not liking where this is going. Those are some things I find useful in real life situations.


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## Riqiz (Mar 22, 2010)

I use Fe to avoid pissing people off. When people violate my Fe I fly off the handle. I was expelled from high school for intimidation. 

I grew up with an ISTJ father who was emotionally distant (obviously) but also quite often physically distant. I'm from a Navy family. I don't know whether I was discouraged from emotional displays or if I chose them to imitate my father's lack of emotion or even if I chose to not express them as a way of defending my emotions. Tough to say.

As I said though, it's more a standard I hold myself to. When other people violate my principles I flinch but then laugh as I anticipate the onslaught of negative emotions their about to receive from the offended party.

When I do regularly play to my Fe, I push people around. If they don't like it, they can't get the fuck out. If you want an idea of me angry, watch an episode of Entourage and watch Ari fly off the handle. That's me but with just a bit more focus.


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

NatetheGreat said:


> I have the exact same feeling. That is what I want; not to get freedom and expression taken away. Fe users don't seem to care about this at all.


aww, why don't you just conform? common - it will be for your own good 



NatetheGreat said:


> Yeah, I never understood the difference either.


The first two functions form the primary filter through which the person makes decisions and views the world. For Fe doms and aux their extraverted feeling function is part of that primary filter so displays of Fe and Fe-based decision making are more likely to be incorporated to be everyday life. In ENTPs and other types with tertiary and inferior Fe it is used more defensively - it gets put into use following significant outside stimulus.

Also consider that Ti and Fe are in conflict with each other. Fe hates the selfishly calculating ways of Ti. Ti despises this bending over to consider feelings of others from Fe. So in INFJs and ENTPs the auxiliary and tertiary functions are actually in conflict with each other. Main difference here is that INFJs need to take a break and pause before letting their Ti loose and it just feels like bleh at times. And ENTPs need to pause and take a break before letting their Fe loose. It probably doesn't feel so great to them either.


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## Callie (Mar 27, 2010)

Well, I kinda understand the 1st poster. There's some internal conflict between being a T type and using Fe at times. There's a point where you dont dare telling your mind not to affect others or disturb harmony, even though you usually are clear/cut vision person. You feel some duality about yourself. Your need to stay in harmony vs your need to stand up for truth... That's something NF/SF Fe types can't understand because they don't have the same use of the same function or that Ne-Ti/Ti-Ne to filter their world.


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## Timmah (Jul 25, 2010)

I think this may have already mentioned but how is all of what has been said a type thing? So are all Fe dominant people fake? That's kind of like the Se users being stupid. If someone is fake, their fake because its them not a theory. Personally, I find "using Fe" is helpful. In small group or large discussions its good to have someone that brings a sense of harmony. If we all relied on our own principles wouldn't there be endless value conflicts. I like peace sometimes....


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## allisreal (Mar 23, 2010)

Timmah said:


> I think this may have already mentioned but how is all of what has been said a type thing? So are all Fe dominant people fake? That's kind of like the Se users being stupid. If someone is fake, their fake because its them not a theory. Personally, I find "using Fe" is helpful. In small group or large discussions its good to have someone that brings a sense of harmony. If we all relied on our own principles wouldn't there be endless value conflicts. I like peace sometimes....


Yes, I wouldn't call Fe users on the whole fake. I definitely know some Fi, Te, and Ti users who portray a false image of themselves in order to get something they want whether it is to feel better about themselves, win an election, win money, etc...


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## Jerdle (Dec 30, 2015)

Are you an FP, because this sounds a lot like Fi?


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## eselpee (Jan 16, 2016)

jockthemotie said:


> Your Fe is undeveloped. If it were developed, you could handle these things wonderfully. It's not Fe. It's you.


Its not just The Proof; he describes me too. I am in a slump and came here looking for some solutions. So Jock - and others who are handling things wonderfully - share your secrets


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## eselpee (Jan 16, 2016)

pinkrasputin said:


> It goes against my values to like Fe.
> 
> And yes, I notice when others use it. They usually care about squirrels or want me to care about playing nice with others over my individual needs.
> 
> For me, Fe has the stench of shackles, chains, cages, and fakedom.


Tell me more, Ras. I am new to this. 

Isn't it the inferior Fe that gives me any motivation at all for social skills. The thought of shackling someone sounds like mind boggling work. All I want is a drama-free zone...


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## LostScrew (Jun 26, 2015)

Fe isn't a big deal, really. It's just like any other function out there. The thing is that, when it's our inferior function, we kind of end up suppressing it so much due to negative past experiences(Si probably comes into play here) that we apply enough pressure into its warm flame to transform it into a well of nuclear fusion. 

Containing the power to match the core of budding star, it continues to produce more and more energy until eventually it reaches a point in which it will either explode in an extravagant light show in the form of a supernova... Or collapse on its own density, becoming a black hole and shredding us to pieces from the inside.

Either way, it's probably better to get it checked out.

EDIT: Holy shit I just realized that the element of Iron is written as "Fe" on the periodic table and Iron is thought to be directly linked to how stars become supernovae. Better point it out how much of a surprise realizing this was for me lest people start thinking this post was better thought out than it actually was.


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