# I have a gut feeling but no proof - how to get rid of this



## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> Maybe it's vibes, maybe it's pheromones as @_Ik3_suggested. Who knows. I get people's vibe all too often but usually that vibe is in some way corroborated by experience as well. In this case, just nothing to go off except vibes which makes me think you and the others are right, the attraction is mine and I'm projecting on this one.
> 
> As it happens I worked with someone yesterday who recently spoke to this person (not about me) about something entirely different and the information she relayed to me about that conversation has just killed this thought for me. There's a side to him which is somewhat silly....as many young guys are wont to be, and I'm thinking....Oh dear god no. The maturity mystique that did once surround him is gone now.


Well, it might not be necessarily projection though; it might be mutual. I might be alone in this, but something curious I've noticed about most people I've liked is that there was an almost instant mutual attraction, and it was hard to tell who "started" it, which makes me think that either vibes or pheromones have some influence.

If it feels like slight disappointment, that's another way you can tell how you really felt.


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## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

Metasentient said:


> Well, it might not be necessarily projection though; it might be mutual. I might be alone in this, but something curious I've noticed about most people I've liked is that there was an almost instant mutual attraction, and it was hard to tell who "started" it, which makes me think that either vibes or pheromones have some influence.
> 
> If it feels like slight disappointment, that's another way you can tell how you really felt.


I suspect (but cannot prove, nor even demonstrate as plausible) that such things are related to momentary hints in facial expression, eye contact, body language.

I had something similar happen while shopping yesterday at Costco. There was an attractive young single woman who kept on crossing my path (around blind corners, that kind of thing) or showing up 15 feet away, and looking up to make eye contact accidentally -- you could see the eyes for a split second scan, stop, show surprised, *slightly* flustered recognition ("oh, that guy again") and a hint of a smile, before turning away.

I'd be willing to bet that Ni was or is picking up on that, and feeding it into Fi.

But I *am* glad for the sake of the OP, to hear that circumstantial news of another person's conversation with the guy, has killed off the maturity mystique. I've seen unrequited office crushes and they can be quite distracting -- as the office's primary purpose is work, not romance, after all.


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

Perhaps you are projecting? If you see it as that way it'll take the focus off him anyway.

Good luck.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

g_w said:


> I suspect (but cannot prove, nor even demonstrate as plausible) that such things are related to momentary hints in facial expression, eye contact, body language.
> 
> I had something similar happen while shopping yesterday at Costco. There was an attractive young single woman who kept on crossing my path (around blind corners, that kind of thing) or showing up 15 feet away, and looking up to make eye contact accidentally -- you could see the eyes for a split second scan, stop, show surprised, *slightly* flustered recognition ("oh, that guy again") and a hint of a smile, before turning away.
> 
> ...


That's interesting. Your theory of the attraction consisting of physical hints that are so subtle we don't consciously pick up on them, (but make a decision based on them) sounds similar to Malcolm Gladwell's _Blink_, which talked about how intuition works and detailed a number of these examples where people seem to just "know" the correct answer to some unusual questions, despite lack of proof (like knowing if a statue submitted to the museum was counterfeit or genuine).

I think that would be an example of Si though, since it's a reaction to the environment. Ni relates more to subconscious pattern recognition in ideas and concepts, if I'm correct.

I really don't disagree that a lot of times, it's these subtle hints and even pheromones that could cause one to pick up on these things in advance. Though in my case, I've been able to know these things sometimes with practically zero input -- one time, a person (whom I only just met and barely spoken with) suddenly seemed like he didn't have time to work with me on our project, and wasn't being responsive to my questions about it. The reasonable assumption would've been that he was either busy (which he was) or avoiding me, but I had the feeling it was because of some personal feelings he was having trouble with rather than just wanting to avoid me or get out of work. I certainly had no logical reason to get that idea though, and actually felt pretty silly/arrogant for thinking that for no reason, but I couldn't shake the vibes I was getting. And later, I was confirmed somewhat correct in our following interactions (not about that one instance, but how he generally felt). Nothing happened afterwards, but at least I did get some confirmation that I didn't misinterpret the situation completely.

I agree, the workplace isn't for romance, and there's usually only one party that bears the most blame if something goes wrong. Don't mix business with pleasure.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Why do people have to make everything into science?

Why does it even matter?I mean,I'd guess your gut feeling is correct personally,so there's no problem!


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

How to get proof if someone is into you :

Ask.


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## Ik3 (Mar 22, 2015)

stultum said:


> How to get proof if someone is into you :
> 
> Ask.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

stultum said:


> How to get proof if someone is into you :
> 
> Ask.


Just out of curiosity.....so often do you go about asking coworkers if they're into you?


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> Just out of curiosity.....so often do you go about asking coworkers if they're into you?


Never. But then, I'm a mailman. Mailwoman. Mailperson. Whatever.


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