# Violent and very disturbing thoughts. Anyone?



## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

I sometimes get pretty violent thoughts. Thoughts about hurting the people close to me randomly pop-up.

Like, if I stand behind someone who's crouched and see a hammer two feet away from me my damn mind starts fantasizing about how easy it is to take the hammer and smash the persons head in.
If I see a fork, my mind suddenly thinks how easy it is to hit the persons next to me main artery in their neck and have them bleed to dead in seconds if I just put all my strenght to it. And even if I would fail they would be in shock still leaving open their defence and me still being able to kill them...

If it's late and only me and my dad are awake my mind forces random thoughts upon me how I could take some random object and smash his head in without he even knowing my intentions of approaching him. Trusting me fully, it would be that easy.

This disturbs the shit out of me!!!!! :shocked: I fcking hate it but I can't help but think about them. I'd rather kill myself than EVER hurting someone like so. I'd rather die a painful dead than that I would ever (have to) kill someone!!

Woosh, I just had to get that out. That felt good. These thoughts depress me shitless...
It makes me feel so bad :crying: I hate it like nothing in the world. I had them since somewhere in childhood.

What if there's something inhuman inside of me?


Anyone having the same?


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## Kwaran (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes, I have this too sometimes, in fact most of the people I've talked to about this have this. I don't think there's something wrong with you. You don't act out those thoughts, know it's wrong and you feel bad about it. You're perfectly sane, don't worry roud:


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## Sage del Viento (Nov 30, 2010)

DubLeWoble said:


> I sometimes get pretty violent thoughts. Thoughts about hurting the people close to me randomly pop-up.
> 
> Like, if I stand behind someone who's crouched and see a hammer two feet away from me my damn mind starts fantasizing about how easy it is to take the hammer and smash the persons head in.
> If I see a fork, my mind suddenly thinks how easy it is to hit the persons next to me main artery in their neck and have them bleed to dead in seconds if I just put all my strenght to it. And even if I would fail they would be in shock still leaving open their defence and me still being able to kill them...
> ...


You're fine. Everyone has violent/disturbing thoughts regarding many different things everyday. It's how you react to these thoughts. I'm not a psychiatrist, but if the thoughts cause too much guilt or worry, you could go get counseling or something for a form of pure obsessive OCD. Otherwise, just don't worry about the thoughts too much. When you worry about them, they end up staying on your mind longer.


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## Coldspot (Nov 7, 2011)

It's normal to see things and think of what can be done with them no matter how bad it is. When I was in an auto class in high school, I had a friend that said "no" to me when he saw me looking around (there were so many potential weapons).


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

DubLeWoble said:


> I'd rather kill myself than EVER hurting someone like so. I'd rather die a painful dead than that I would ever (have to) kill someone!!


I am just wondering: how is hurting yourself any different from hurting someone else? In both cases you'd be hurting a human being. If you are able to hurt yourself in the manner you described, I reckon you're also able to dole out similar maltreatment to others. In fact, I think it is worse if you hurt yourself, because there would be no one around to stop you. If you were to attack your dad, he could put up a fight or reason his way out of it.


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

I had these visions/thoughts all the time, going back into my childhood, as well. The more I tried to shut them out, the harder they would come on. Sometimes, I would have to run and hide to avoid them and get them out of my head. You know, this can be a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. The thoughts are intrusive, against your will, and are causing you problems, so it's certainly something you could seek therapy over, if you wish. Something to think about there, though. You don't WANT to do these things, you HAVEN'T done these things, and if you can accept that, you can learn to accept them for what they are, just intrusive, unpleasant thoughts, and then it gets better. As I've aged, they've faded out a lot.


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

Bear987 said:


> I am just wondering: how is hurting yourself any different from hurting someone else? In both cases you'd be hurting a human being. If you are able to hurt yourself in the manner you described, I reckon you're also able to dole out similar maltreatment to others. In fact, I think it is worse if you hurt yourself, because there would be no one around to stop you. If you were to attack your dad, he could put up a fight or reason his way out of it.


Say, I were to be given a 9mm and 'forced' to kill somone. I could kill someone and live or don't do anything and both die. Here I'd rather kill myself. I still killed someone, only, it was me.


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

DubLeWoble said:


> Say, I were to be given a 9mm and 'forced' to kill somone. I could kill someone and live or don't do anything and both die. Here I'd rather kill myself. I still killed someone, only, it was me.


Well, I guess in that example you rightly choose the loss of one human life over the loss of two. To what extent would it matter though, whether you or that other person were killed? Your both human beings you both want to live and so on and so forth. Apart from your personal experience of the matter, is there a fundamental difference between your life and someone else's?


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## Devalight (May 27, 2012)

Yes, I am prone to violent and disturbing thoughts. Sometimes in dreams, sometimes in "real life". This is from the time I was a teenager. Overall I am drawn toward the dark side of life. It has been a long time since I have entertained ideas of suicide, but I have done so in the past, while never doing anything. I like to get along with everyone, but if things don't work out I have a VERY long memory for slights and the people who are my enemies. Sometimes I imagine myself coming back years later and taking some kind of revenge. This would be so long after the fact that the police would never connect me. Besides which, I have no criminal record.

These revenge scenarios mostly revolve around property damage and not boldily harm. I don't believe I could ever or would ever kill someone. I would like to damage them in some way, however, like I feel they have done to me. I do have a violent side, but I suspect very few could ever detect it.


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

Bear987 said:


> Well, I guess in that example you rightly choose the loss of one human life over the loss of two. To what extent would it matter though, whether you or that other person were killed? Your both human beings you both want to live and so on and so forth. Apart from your personal experience of the matter, is there a fundamental difference between your life and someone else's?


Not really. It's more of a subjective thing I suppose. Very extreme cases aside, I believe ending someones life is wrong.

From a purely objective view and personally detached there is indeed no difference.


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## Personality (Jun 2, 2012)

I do get this quite a lot, I would lime to channel those emotions differently though. Any level of uncheck communication (mental or verbal) can cause some pretty unexpected things so I am treading lighter.


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## Cristy0505 (Oct 8, 2012)

I only get similar thoughts on my 5 minutes of rage when somebody really piss me off without a good reason.

But after these 5 minutes of fury I get distracted about something else and forget it even find it funny after...

But my thoughts of killing and such doesn't have alot of blood and body parts. Mostly when I wish somebody to die I think like this: "I could pay somebody to hurt this a*shole really bad". Never had thoughts about killing somebody with my own hands I hate blood. Still in my 5 minutes of rage I wish 'em to die painfully and slow.


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## RunForCover07 (Apr 9, 2013)

If this happens often and causes a lot of distress, you may want to get tested for OCD. Many people think of counting, hand washing, etc when think of this disorder, but there is something called Pure O's, which means that you have intrusive obsessive thoughts that create great distress, and there are sometimes rituals done to ease the anxiety.

Primarily Obsessional OCD - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Obscure (May 20, 2013)

Me :crying:

My obsessions transform into newer version every once in a while. My newest one is a technique of pulling someone's heart out.
Anywhos, I'm convinced after many talks that it's not an "inhuman" thing and that [in my case at least] is OCD. I'm trying to understand myself better, so I don't see myself sane enough to give you any advice.

BTW I wanted to ask you this question, is your avatar pic Niu from Elfen Lied ?


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

@_RunForCover07_ I do not believe I have OCD, since I do not get them everyday, but just at random times where the thought will come: 'This situation, I could kill him/her easily, right here, like this. Like nothing between us ever mattered. The families involved, the police and public will be shocked.' And then I'll have to stop thinking about it and say to myself I am in control and this will not happen.

Of course I won't do it, I'm not a lunatic, but those thoughts are distressing still. Strangers, whatever. But it really sucks when it happens with loved ones.

@_Vampire_ Unlikely. The expression, hair, and blood I'd say it's Gasai Yuno from Mirai Nikki. That's what I see her as anyway.


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## DeathRipper (Jan 23, 2013)

Well, fist of, don't stress it so much, that might be what causes it. Aggression is one of our natural social needs, and it's normal that such thing would pop up sometimes. It might have happened once and you've became so self-aware and judged yourself that it went roundkick on you. I mean, reverse psychology and stuff. Just relax. The fact that it comes to your mind doesn't mean you'll do it. Don't worry.


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## blood roots (Oct 29, 2013)

ugh.............I completely forgot about this...
I used to think about and envision that kinda stuff when I was pretty young. My mom and her boyfriend at the time would be going about their business in the kitchen or wherever we were at the time and I'd play the "what if" game....like what if I just did x/y/z to them right then and there? Though I've come to the conclusion that I sort of used that as a tool to appreciate them more....I guess I got some sort of sick high off imagining the after effects and how horribly guilty I'd feel and the kind of life I would have without them. Sort of like it was done out of love?? That sounds really fucked up but that's the only way I can sum it up 10-15 years later.


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## Kysinor (Mar 19, 2009)

No. I very seldom have such thoughts. But I usually have the thoughts that my life is a struggle in the dramatic sense and I have to fight to get past it. But I do not think that is the same thing...


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## .59198 (May 26, 2013)

Maybe, just maybe, you have a sadistic streak. And I mean really, having a sadistic personality (since it has been since your childhood). However, worry not. I experience the same thing like you. Sometimes when I have nothing to do or think about, the first thing that comes up to my mind is how to kill someone without letting anyone know I'm the culprit.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

Your avatar and signature are disturbing. 

Thought disturbing thoughts might happen more commonly than we think. Yet people probably are not so eager to confess this in the real life so we wouldn't know anyways.

But yeah, if my Ni gets creative, violent image and sensations comes to mind, which disturbs me quite a bit too. My Fe side would pretty much suffer inside 'till the thoughts go away. It happens sometimes, but more often after watching horrible scenes in the media. I guess that it might be coz I have inner issues wondering if I'm actually a cruel person and how far I could go, and that sometimes I'm too afraid of physical and psychological suffering.


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## Caged Within (Aug 9, 2013)

I have to know someone first before I can fantasize about lighting him or her on fire. I'm sentimental like that.


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

Caged Within said:


> I have to know someone first before I can fantasize about lighting him or her on fire. I'm sentimental like that.


It's not so much setting people on fire as it is smashing heads in with random blunt/cornered objects laying around, right on that balding spot as if telling me where to hit.

Making for a direct and real possibility, begging the question: 'What shall I do next?'


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## Caged Within (Aug 9, 2013)

Merihim said:


> It's not so much setting people on fire as it is smashing heads in with random blunt/cornered objects laying around, right on that balding spot as if telling me where to hit.
> 
> Making for a direct and real possibility, begging the question: 'What shall I do next?'


Beating someone to death? Meh. I wouldn't do that. It's a bit too American Psycho. It's been done to death...Literally.

Im a total art *** with my murder fantasies.


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## Coldspot (Nov 7, 2011)

Merihim said:


> It's not so much setting people on fire as it is smashing heads in with random blunt/cornered objects laying around, right on that balding spot as if telling me where to hit.
> 
> Making for a direct and real possibility, begging the question: 'What shall I do next?'


You keep them as they are, violent fantasies. It's the same concept as taboo sexual fantasies, you may fantasize it but that doesn't mean you actually want to participate in it. It is completely your choice on whether you act on these thoughts or not.


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

Caged Within said:


> Beating someone to death? Meh. I wouldn't do that. It's a bit too American Psycho. It's been done to death...Literally.
> 
> Im a total art *** with my murder fantasies.


You missed the point of my response.... Are you seriously trying to compete on actual ways to kill people? If it wasn't possible, it wouldn't disturb me by a long shot. Saw-like murders are not possible in the moment these thoughts occur, so they do not make me feel uneasy.

Walking down the street with my brother on the road side as a truck is about to pass by. I can't help but think about pushing him onto the road as the truck passes by at 70kph.

That is real and actually possible at that very moment. We're not talking about 2 am bedroom fantasies here.


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## Caged Within (Aug 9, 2013)

Merihim said:


> You missed the point of my response.... Are you seriously trying to compete on actual ways to kill people?


Sorry. I play around too much. 



Merihim said:


> Walking down the street with my brother on the road side as a truck is about to pass by. I can't help but think about pushing him onto the road as the truck passes by at 70kph.
> 
> That is real and actually possible at that very moment. We're not talking about 2 am bedroom fantasies here.


I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I could help with that. It's just not the type of anger that I have. Your issue sounds serious, if you genuinely think you're a danger to yourself and others. I think it would be best to consult a professional, before anything bad happens, though I understand if you rather not.


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## OutOfThisWorld (Nov 4, 2013)

Merihim said:


> That is real and actually possible at that very moment. We're not talking about 2 am bedroom fantasies here.


I do wonder if you had traumatizing events that occurred to you when you were younger.

You talk about wanting to hurt those that are close to you, but at the same time, I wonder if you are overly frustrated with those said people and are unable to vocalize it properly or them understanding you. With those angry feelings withheld, it slowly started to fester and in turn, became violent thoughts about hurting your loved ones like they have hurt you. 

Thoughts?


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## Mammon (Jul 12, 2012)

OutOfThisWorld said:


> I do wonder if you had traumatizing events that occurred to you when you were younger.
> 
> You talk about wanting to hurt those that are close to you, but at the same time, I wonder if you are overly frustrated with those said people and are unable to vocalize it properly or them understanding you. With those angry feelings withheld, it slowly started to fester and in turn, became violent thoughts about hurting your loved ones like they have hurt you.
> 
> Thoughts?


Interesting perspective but no. I do not want to hurt them o.o I love my family. I'm nor frustrated nor angry with them. I didn't went through anything in my childhood which I would describe as being traumatic.

I thought this to be more common but apparently not.


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## RunForCover07 (Apr 9, 2013)

I'm sure we all have some crazy thoughts at one point or another, but I wouldn't say I have anything like this on the degree that you do. I have some questions for you.

Do you get a form of anxiety after having the thought, and if you do about how long does it seem to last?

Do you notice there are certain triggers that cause these thoughts to happen?

How long does the thought seem to last until you move on from it completely until the next one appears?

Do you notice any kind of patterns or loops associated with the thoughts or triggers?

If you do have anxiety from it, what do you to to calm yourself and to talk yourself out of that train of thought?


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## Eudaimonia (Sep 24, 2013)

I have very graphic and disturbing thoughts... most of which I enjoy at first and then I worry about myself later. Some have to do with anger and some with lust and some the combination of the two.


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## Eudaimonia (Sep 24, 2013)

Merihim said:


> It's not so much setting people on fire as it is smashing heads in with random blunt/cornered objects laying around, right on that balding spot as if telling me where to hit.
> 
> Making for a direct and real possibility, begging the question: 'What shall I do next?'



Clean up the mess, of course.


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## Sparkling (Jul 12, 2013)

I think you could watch too many violent movies, so disturbing pictures stayied and 'saved' in your mind, especially when you are Si dom.


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## Carmine Ermine (Mar 11, 2012)

I think to a great extent this kind of thing is part of what being "good" is. If you know your capability and yet people choose to trust you with their life, for example going to sleep next to you, and similarly sharing secrets with you which they believe you won't reveal to anyone else, then it can make you feel really good to be given that level of trust, which makes you even more trustworthy because it feels so good to be trusted. This only emphasises bonding.


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## -Alpha- (Dec 30, 2013)

I have legitimate fantasies about being shot or stabbed nearly every day. They help me get to sleep, even. 

I know I'm emotionally healthy since if someone threatened me with a gun or knife, I would definitely be frightened. As others have said, I don't think it's anything to be worried about unless you're tempted to the point of considering it.

I would also never hurt anyone.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Merihim said:


> It's not so much setting people on fire as it is smashing heads in with random blunt/cornered objects laying around, right on that balding spot as if telling me where to hit.
> 
> Making for a direct and real possibility, begging the question: 'What shall I do next?'


Wikipedia on intrusive thoughts:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts

I think that it's helpful to look at your feelings around these thoughts...what do you feel? I think most people feel fear about them. Why do you feel that fear? Is it because you believe that is "wrong" or that it does not suit who you are...or that you would not choose to do that? And why? What do you choose to do then? Do you even need to avoid those situations, since you would not choose to act in that way?

I think intrusive thoughts affect creative people...as the thoughts seem very real. (I edited this because I was sharing too much personal information in my first reply.)


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Merihim said:


> What if there's something inhuman inside of me?
> 
> 
> Anyone having the same?


It's probably not inside you, just near you, interjecting the thoughts to you.

Just rebuke it in the name of Jesus Christ, and it'll go away if you stick to it. Claiming the blood of Christ helps a lot too.

Even if it is inside of you, Christ can kick it out. Renewing your mind will help keep it away too.


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## Mrfetti (Jul 24, 2012)

I have another side to me as well. On the surface, on a normal day, without the prolonged exposure to a strong presence of negative stimuli, I'm ok. For the most part, being an INFP, I'm very tolerant and patient with others; and it takes awhile before I actually get angry. I tend to over-analyze and consider likely/unlikely possibilities, and I try to remain as objective and receptive as I can. 

But....within me, there is diabolical potential energy, triggered in response to injustice, whether concerning myself or concerning others. There have only been a few instances where this energy manifested.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

I find this thread to be somewhat disturbing on how many people apparently have thoughts of random acts of violence against others. 









Um but any rate. I really hate to sound rude but no, it doesn't seem normal. You might want to seek therapy or at least talk about it with someone you trust.

Just a thought but have you lived a high stress life? 

Although sometimes even low-grade stress over long periods of time produces effects similar to psychological trauma.


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## Mrfetti (Jul 24, 2012)

You don't wanna know


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## Sonyx (Mar 7, 2014)

I thought this was pretty normal since i have violent thoughts everyday through out the whole day too... It doesn't matter who it is whether i know them well or if they are a complete stranger but of course I never act upon these thoughts.


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