# anxiety and tension



## anon (Oct 19, 2009)

Hi all,

I wanna remain anonymous when expressing this very sensitive problem. I am already registered on this forum, but I am not very good with verbalizing my innermost problems. I feel comfortable this way.

Anyhu... For little over a year now, I've been experiecing bowel pain, and it's only gotten me worse. I am becoming less active, less talkative, more in need of my personal space, more support and encouragement, and basically, a lot of other things.

Whenever there is tension in the environment, I can be stressed out, which causes me to become anxious and it triggers the pain. Once the pain begins, it lasts for hours (don't worry about referring me to the doc, I just visited him/her a while ago...). I am not really seeking medical advise (duh!), but more so, expressing how sensitive I've become, so full of emotions and I think I really am losing myself in the process.

I can't fully communicate my deepest problems to my family; they are supportive but I am feeling the vibe that they expect too much out of me. I feel obliged when situations go wrong, and I feel like shit because I can't live up to my own expectations... I just become lost and feel a lot of void.

I worry too much about a lot of things in these kind of situations. I seek motivation and purpose to do something; and when I do that thing, reality hits me hard cuz I am drained out of energy due to this pain which consequently developed other ramifications such as mental and emotional pain. I get anxiety out of stress in the environment, out of people's anger even when it's not directed at me; also out of assumptions made at me (or what I _think_ are assumptions; probably cuz they worry me, I think I may have disappointed someone or hurt their feelings and must solve a problem). I see wrongs in a situation more and more... seeing the bright side is becoming hard.

How do I control this sensitivity, this fear?

Also, there's a guy who recently expressed interest in me and he's someone I know well; I like him too but I so very indirectly push him away... at the thought of knowing my pain may burden him. He doesn't know about it but I think he might be confused whenever I imply I'm anxious. He is an ENTJ, and we get along great; but I am very held back from expressing all of this to him... I might sound negative to him  (I can't believe I actually feel like that). I think he deserves a lot of good in his life, why would he wanna put up with my problem? 

So a question to ENTJs: how do you react to someone in this situation with such sensitivity? 

Thanks!


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

I don't really have any answers to your problems, as you have presented a situation that I don't know much about. I just wanted to respond to you in some way because I want to help. I will say that I think you should seek comfort in the people in your life who are close to you. You don't necessarily have to tell them everything that's going on with you, but you could use the support. It seems like you are getting lost inside yourself, which has happened to me before. Allow people and things from the outside world to help you out of it.

Also, don't be ashamed or embarrassed by your feelings. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Just know that you are capable of moving on from this.

Hugs,
Casee


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I have msn if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

I am an INFP and go through the same problems as you described. What I have found that helps is to find someone that will just listen to me, let me talk out the situation. It usually gets worse before it gets better so expect that. I would invite you to either chat with one of us or get a therapest. Either way get what is bothering you out of your system. If you want to chat privately with me I am here. You can send me a private message if you want.

As for the man, I would suggest not to tell him until you know him very well. People usually don't understand such situations. If you really like him work out as much of your emotional problems out as possible with other people. Like I say I am here if you want to unload.


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## ginz (Sep 30, 2009)

sounds familiar.


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## carnallace (Sep 3, 2009)

Anon, 
I related your physical pain to a psychological pain I have and am going through. 
I have struggled with anorexia for a good few years now and I have experienced many of the emotions/reactions you are describing. 
When I was first diagnosed, my family was overwhelmingly supportive. They went out of their way to ask me how I was, they showed me compassion, and did all they could to make sure I was comfortable and on my way to health. 
But as the months, and then years, went on and I still wasn’t able to bring myself to normalcy, and at times I even declined severely, that sense of compassion died a way. 
Now they avoid talking about it. When they ask me how I’m feeling, it’s condescending and harsh. There is no sympathy at all. Everything I say they condemn as my simple lack of not trying. So I’ve learned not to tell them anything. 
They can’t understand that I am trying my best to recover. And what little improvement I have made, is not nearly enough for them. All of this lead me to feel inexorably guilty about something I can’t control. But becoming anorexic was not my fault, staying anorexic is not my fault, neither is your bowel pains or now emotional pain. 
My point with the above is to let you know that things like this are often alien to those close to you. You need their support, but they’re not knowledgeable enough to give you what you need. Instead of keeping all of this inside, you need to let them know what you need from them. Tell them that you’re hurting and you want help with what you’re going through. If I had told my family what I needed, they wouldn’t have had to withdraw and become frustrated, because I would’ve give them an answer. Parents especially often feel helpless with things like this. They don’t know how to react, or treat you, or what to expect of you. If you give them something to go on, they’ll feel more comfortable and be more willing to understand. 

You said that you feel like they expect too much from you, and really, you’re probably right. 
It’s impossible for another to fully understand what you’re going through. All they see is your physical pain. And to them, that is totally separate from your emotions. Try explaining to them how you feel. I guarantee they’ll be more willing to understand if you give them a chance to. Right now it’s important to have at least one person that you can trust and that is willing to try and understand and help. If not your family, a friend, or even your doctor. 

What I’d suggest of you is to really think hard about what you think you’re capable of. What do you expect of yourself in this moment? And is that a reasonable expectation? 

Physically, it sounds like your body isn’t ready for you to be full into relations and environments. What’s important for you right now is to focus on your physical well-being before you worry about disappointing yourself or others. 
There is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You are sick, sweetheart. Something is going on with your body. And there is nothing of your fault about that. 

Don’t look down upon yourself because you aren’t able to do certain things, even though you feel like you should. You’ll know when you’re ready. 

It sounds to me like your pain has lead to a possible slight form of depression; which is absolutely understandable. Dealing with severe, continual pain- I can only imagine is very tiresome and debilitating. My advice is to find a way to express those emotions in a positive way. Talk to someone about them. Get them out there so that you can receive help. Right now everyone is probably so concerned with your bowel problems, that they aren’t even considering your mental health. If you are afraid of telling your family, please, please tell your doctor. I think this is something important for him/her to know about so he/she can help you work through this. I would bet that these types of feelings are very common among people who experience pain like yours- I can’t imagine how not!

The only way to let go of the fear and stress is to express them and find ways to change them and alleviate them. 

Best wishes sweetheart. These feelings can be overcome. And I truly hope that the problems you’re having with your bowels alleviate very soon.
If you do not have enough confidence in people you know in real life, as has been offered by several others, feel free to pm me.


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## Blueguardian (Aug 22, 2009)

I would agree with what has been said above. I also have problems with bad negative feelings like you described. I don't have the bowel pain though, I will leave that part right there. For me finding a friend that understands, supports, and truly wants to help you is a blessing. I recently found such a friend that not only supports me but I think understands my problems. It has really helped me a lot. 

While everyone is different, I don't see telling the ENTJ such stuff as a good idea in the position you described. He may not have a bad reply, but I don't think you will find the answers you need none the less. You could always ask if he is okay with you sharing some heavy things with him, then start out light and work your way down. You know, test the waters a bit before you jump right in... that is, if you really want to tell him.


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## ginz (Sep 30, 2009)

anon said:


> *
> How do I control this sensitivity, this fear?
> *
> Also, there's a guy who recently expressed interest in me and he's someone I know well; I like him too but I so very indirectly push him away... at the thought of knowing my pain may burden him. He doesn't know about it but I think he might be confused whenever I imply I'm anxious. He is an ENTJ, and we get along great; but I am very held back from expressing all of this to him... I might sound negative to him  (I can't believe I actually feel like that). I think he deserves a lot of good in his life, *why would he wanna put up with my problem? *
> ...


to answer the bolded:


release yourself from it. resolve the conflict(ing thoughts)
because he want to. and because he can.
soz, cant help u there, if yer asking ENTJs, im a loser. i'd just try and be as supportive as i can allow myself though, if i am faced with such issues.
hope it helped... i sound stupid though, soz bout that.


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## anon (Oct 19, 2009)

I am moved and very much appreciate your support and encouragement. Today, I am a little better and relaxed, but struggling somewhat. When it goes away, there's a moment of relief and happiness; but I know the pain will start again when it's triggered by common factors. What one can do is try their best.



Liontiger said:


> You don't necessarily have to tell them everything that's going on with you, but you could use the support.
> 
> Also, don't be ashamed or embarrassed by your feelings. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Just know that you are capable of moving on from this.


Really, thanks a lot Casee; This helps. I want to verbalize my feelings as I think it doesn't only help me but it helps those around me too. I think the difficulty with expressing it had suddenly put me in the frame of mind that I have to be understood deeply in order to be helped, and that only put expectations really high - a thing, which can crash all anticipation down and end me up in misery. I took your advice on board and tried talking to my brother last night, he managed to patiently listen to me as it was taking me time to put the important stuff out... it helped for him to be aware of it.



Hurting said:


> As for the man, I would suggest not to tell him until you know him very well. People usually don't understand such situations. If you really like him work out as much of your emotional problems out as possible with other people. Like I say I am here if you want to unload.





Blueguardian said:


> While everyone is different, I don't see telling the ENTJ such stuff as a good idea in the position you described. He may not have a bad reply, but I don't think you will find the answers you need none the less. You could always ask if he is okay with you sharing some heavy things with him, then start out light and work your way down. You know, test the waters a bit before you jump right in... that is, if you really want to tell him.


Thank you both <3 
I guess I was worrying too much about telling him. In all honesty, I am reluctant about telling this to him as I don't know how he'd react. But you are right in saying that until I know him well enough, it will probably not yet be a good idea to say anything unless I figure such a detail is important for him to know. I am in such a state right now that my sensitivity is high and I may (unfortunately and unfairly) take people's words at face value judging by the tone they say it. I feel so bad about this. So if he doesn't have much to say about it but does care inside, I might just miss out what's underneath the surface for doubting what's showing on the top. He's a very good person and cares; I don't want to ruin it. 

------------------------

Carnallace, I would like to PM you more about your situation and my own. I find it really interesting how your's and my situation currently carry a lot of similarity. Everything you felt in terms of yourself, your family and your situation is exactly how I've been feeling; and the fears are the same. I am sorry you had to go through this *hug*. Let me send you a PM, later. Your advice is helping me a lot, I am thinking about what to do as we speak... I have to be a little tough to get this going.


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## ks90 (Oct 13, 2009)

This sounds like some mentally-ill girl I liked when I read "indirectly pushed [x] away," -- good thing I stayed the hell away from her. 

Anyway, I didn't read most of your nonsense; I kind of just skimmed through it. But, what caught my attention was you were 1. anxious out of irrationality (the only form of anxiety in existence) and 2. having trouble seeing the bright side as a result.

Solution: improve your self-esteem, that's where the anxiety, like most mental illnesses, comes from; that and your response to stress, which are usually the same thing.

Note:


Actions not directed at you are really NOT directed at you.
Don't make baseless (keyword) assumptions.
What else to do:



Realise anxiety is nothing but a response of fear, irrationality and insecurity, just like worry
Recognise what causes it and work on those situations via gradual exposure
If necessary, take supplements in natural form of soymilk or green tea (I trust you're not that much of a pussy/sensitive pushover to tolerate the taste if you don't like it because most don't)


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