# ENFP and INFJ instant chemistry



## Macrosapien

nichya said:


> yet when you guys are interested in a person you develop things very fast, rush and corner us to scare the hell out both of us? which results in withdrawal, confusion of both parties at different times and assumptions of rejections. no? )



damn that has been my way of dealing with relationships to a T... wow. but I am taking a long break to work on that part of myself, as I dont want to go through that again lol.


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## nichya

Kyusaku said:


> My world of feelings is mostly shaped by external stimuli, said otherwise my emotions don't belong to me. Feelings are tangible energies I can sense, people constantly charge and discharge their emotions and narratives build up from there. All I do is be creative with those energies, create my own "aura", so to speak (I'm e4).
> 
> In any case, I can sense early on if I'll be able to synergize with a person or not, I run the various possible developments of the relationship inside my head. I give little room to uncertainties. I don't believe in love anymore, I believe it's self suggestion mixed with social and economical pressure. Love is a mean to commit both sides to one another. A lot of times lovers make each other miserable and yet they keep enduring because they believe in the existence of a bond between them that is just not there. Yet people are together often times for very selfish and mundane reasons. Do you never wonder how you could have fallen in love with one of your (despicable) ex ? Don't you feel silly because of it sometimes ?
> 
> Bottom line, I don't want to fall in love, I want to decide rationally with whom I can best fit. Sudden outbursts of passion are the most dangerous feelings of all, and you should always keep them in check no matter what.


I think we have similar observations but different perspectives. I do think most of couples out there are there due to mixed with social and economical pressure or self-insufficiency. Indeed I do see no deeper bond between them and I do notice they keep it for for very selfish and mundane reasons. But I think all of these as products of your view on things, that, the desire to decide rationally with whom you can best fit. What is not selfish or mundane about being with a person you rationally pick to -best fit-? Or what is best fit if it is not love? Sure, it only leaves pragmatic reasons and that is how I see all those couples engage with each other in the first place.

Falling in love might not be wise, yes I do feel silly at times but no, not really because I fell in love but because I was too blinded to see things and motivations. Love is the truth, it is real and it is plain. It is there or not. That is the difference and the reason I can never be like those people I observe, I can't even bother to -try- I am an sx/sp so I assure you I hate the dating scene and what people believe relationships to be today. I don't "fall in love" easily like those people make it sound, it is a very rare occurrence that is perhaps not meant to happen again. On the contrary to your belief, I don't know many people that fell in love and became couples, often times it is the social convention, some pragmatic interest in another. It is not too difficult to see through the emptiness even with seemingly happy couples. I don't see many couples that are held together with love at all.

I do understand your Fe explanation though, it is just really difficult to understand for me what it means to not owning your own emotions. I also agree that breaking a NiTi loop for example with Fe and Se might be truly fickle as people change, environments change. But when you fall in love isn't it something that comes from within? How can something be this passionate if it does not? I am sure it wasn't my emotions in the first place. I think INFJs tend to push their Fi at all costs instead of being in touch and that is just confusing. After all your Fi, although is meant to be ignored, might be stronger than your Ti


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## _Observer_

aprwat said:


> I am an INFJ and my best friend / current husband is an ENFP. We were instant best friends / instantly in love. That will be 10 years ago next summer. Now, we are going through a divorce.
> 
> One thing is for sure:
> 
> ENFP / INFJ make best friends.
> 
> From myersbriggs.org:
> NFs tend to approach life and work in a warm and enthusiastic manner, and like to focus on ideas and possibilities, particularly “possibilities for people.”
> 
> When I met my husband, we were counselors at a camp for the mentally handicapped. He seemed to be one in a million, and he said that about me. We were instantly in love.
> 
> Most our coworkers were just there to babysit those "retarded" people. My ENFP man sincerely asked his adult campers questions about philosophy, religion and politics. The older men seemed so honored, and their answers were actually profound. That is when he first caught my eye. I easedropped when we all had free time - he was actually spending it with campers in this way. That led to my crush.
> 
> He said he noticed me (INFJ) when I was enjoying a game of Frisbee golf with my group - after my co-leader and I seriously altered the rules so all the girls could play. I got so lost in the game I didn't notice that he had his group of men lingering at our tails, following and watching us "pretty" girls flex our muscles.
> 
> He asked me out the last day of camp, and I moved in a few months later. We both felt deep in love, and married the next year. He complimented my beauty and gentle spirit; my warm enthusiasm for his ideas. I'm a dork - NO BEAUTY. I often caught him staring at me as I worked. No one ever noticed me like that. Things like that caused me to believe we'd grow old together.
> 
> He was much more confident than I, and in some ways, a genius. I was often wowed by his creativity and insight. He talked through his ideas very quickly - he's very articulate. A deep voice I could still listen to 24-7. He could read the dictionary and I'd be enthralled. His personality is kind of like Sherlock on BBC. He even looks like an obese Benedict Cumberbatch. (I've noticed Molly Hooper was typed as INFJ. I could have played her easily.)
> 
> My husband had a motley crew group of friends, but he would never abandon any of them. I admired this at first, but it became a problem when we were married (or I was paranoid it would be a problem). Some friends were addicts, and many were jobless deadbeats that stuck around for months. I was angry that my paycheck fed freeloaders (J?). We became enmeshed in all sorts of drama because he couldn't say no to a friend or family member, no matter what poor choices were made (E/I and P/J troubles).
> 
> He also admired my friends at first, but then got paranoid about them. I love religion in general, although I am an atheist if truth be told. I attended seven different kinds of denominations over the years - Catholicism, Buddhism, Islam... everything. This was my hobby. My husband feared my religious friends were judgmental. He didn't like them visiting our house (where his friends lived). My religious friends were generally more conservative than his group. I think my friends were mostly J's, and his mostly P's.
> 
> So the textbook "NF" warmth and enthusiasm for "possibilities for people" that brought us together became a problem when we were living together. Luckily, I found us work as ESL teachers in South Korea, and he was all for the idea (N). Neither of us had friends there yet.
> 
> Our E / I and P / J aspects both made us a great team as teachers in Korea but in time caused our divorce.
> 
> For four years we stayed and taught ESL together in South Korea. We both were popular teachers, in different ways. We did great at leading together, too. He was full of project ideas (P), and I was pretty good at the implementation (J). We both delegated (NF) well. I didn't like being the spokesperson, but he did (E). He didn't like grading papers, but I loved it (I). We were great actors in front of the children - we could play off each other like Abbot and Costello. I gained a lot of confidence from teaching with him. I think everyone admired our relationship at work.
> 
> However, the I/E issue caused constant friction outside of class. I wasn't the social butterfly he wanted by his side at all the social functions. He wanted to be at every party and get-together - and stay until the last one left. After working with the kids for 40 hours +, staying out all night was torture. I wanted to hike, go chat at the coffee houses, visit art galleries or the theater - just the two of us. It was a big deal for me to attend things with groups. I wanted to do that once a month. He wanted to do it twice a week. It was a big deal for him to go adventuring with me on a Saturday, just the two of us. He wanted to do it every six months. I wanted to do it every Saturday.
> 
> After a while I tried to arrange compromises. I would go to each social event, but stay with another shy-ish girlfriend and slip away after a few hours. He'd be the center of attention, not noticing me at all.
> 
> I tried to arrange double dates for my dreams of Saturday outings. That added extra stress for everyone. We often had to wait on the other couple and go to places that interested them more than us. Either I would really like the girl and he disliked the dude, or the guy would be his best friend and the girl would have nothing in common with me.
> 
> Often, the event got cancelled. By the time I was experimenting with these compromises my husband had decided we didn't work as a couple. He was tired of the charade, and wanted to return to the friends and family I wanted to leave behind.
> 
> The J/P aspects were kind of draining, too. I had to handle the responsibilities or remind him to take care of them. I needed to be on top of all the details: chores, bills, even his baths and haircuts. Before going to Korea and while in Korea, my husband just needed a little prompting. He seemed proud of what he accomplished around the house. After we came back to the US, though, his mother took over. He insisted on living next to her because he had missed her so. She (J) insisted on doing everything for us besides wiping our rear ends. Not only did she insist, she was very critical of the way we did all that we accomplished.
> 
> My husband would never let me turn away a friend or family member (NF). They were always welcome to do as they please in our home. He was adamant. At one time, I liked this about him. At the end of our relationship, I couldn't stand it (I).
> 
> Throughout it all, my husband and I both enjoyed fixing cars together, going to ball games together, seeing theater and museums. We generally loved the same music, books and TV shows. We debated philosophy for hours together. We shared the same interests in politics and world events. We daydreamed about children.
> 
> We were best friends.
> 
> But God, I can't wait to divorce him.
> 
> (He wouldn't leave his mom, and was collecting a household of friends. My desires didn't matter, so I moved out. I thought he'd follow me. Six months later he told me he moved on to a new girl. I actually met her >< she is ENFP just like him. He says he wants to stay best friends. I just want the divorce, because staying friends with him means associating with people I never want to see again.)


It is all good and understandable but what sort of partner do you want now, if any based on what you have written?
-Ob.


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## Kyusaku

nichya said:


> I think we have similar observations but different perspectives. I do think most of couples out there are there due to mixed with social and economical pressure or self-insufficiency. Indeed I do see no deeper bond between them and I do notice they keep it for for very selfish and mundane reasons. But I think all of these as products of your view on things, that, the desire to decide rationally with whom you can best fit. What is not selfish or mundane about being with a person you rationally pick to -best fit-? Or what is best fit if it is not love? Sure, it only leaves pragmatic reasons and that is how I see all those couples engage with each other in the first place.


You're right, you can be rational all you want, if you don't set the right criteria it's never going to work out as planned. You need both to understand yourself, your needs and what you are able to provide with consistency, and most of all your weaknesses. If you only choose someone because you are enthralled by her looks or personality, it won't work out, because at some point both your needs and hers have to meet somehow.



nichya said:


> Falling in love might not be wise, yes I do feel silly at times but no, not really because I fell in love but because I was too blinded to see things and motivations. Love is the truth, it is real and it is plain. It is there or not. That is the difference and the reason I can never be like those people I observe, I can't even bother to -try- I am an sx/sp so I assure you I hate the dating scene and what people believe relationships to be today. I don't "fall in love" easily like those people make it sound, it is a very rare occurrence that is perhaps not meant to happen again. On the contrary to your belief, I don't know many people that fell in love and became couples, often times it is the social convention, some pragmatic interest in another. It is not too difficult to see through the emptiness even with seemingly happy couples. I don't see many couples that are held together with love at all.


They do fall in love though, at least they believe it to be love, or they cling desperately to the idea of being infatuated. People need love, need attention, affection and someone to commit with. Two is stronger than One in a multitude of ways.

Love feels true in the moment, because you don't let your critical judgment pierce through it. You like so much the feeling that the idea of questioning its validity would never cross your mind. But after you begin to know the other person, once shared moments become as exciting as an everyday occurrence can be, you begin to question if your relationship bears any benefits for the both of you. That kind of questioning should intervene much more sooner than it usually does, because that's when true love is born: once you feel you can coexist with that person and go forward in your individual life as well, once the fiery passion is gone. That's why I think romance is all about a wonderful friendship between two individuals. Your partner should be a pillar in your life, always there to chill you out when you need it. There should be the trust, the amusements, the silliness that friendship can bring. Most of all, friends are friends because they so choose to, they are with you not because of commitment, but because of enjoyment, because they love being around you.



nichya said:


> I do understand your Fe explanation though, it is just really difficult to understand for me what it means to not owning your own emotions. I also agree that breaking a NiTi loop for example with Fe and Se might be truly fickle as people change, environments change. But when you fall in love isn't it something that comes from within? How can something be this passionate if it does not? I am sure it wasn't my emotions in the first place. I think INFJs tend to push their Fi at all costs instead of being in touch and that is just confusing. After all your Fi, although is meant to be ignored, might be stronger than your Ti


Because I do not cling to any particular emotions, it comes and go inside of me. Being Fi you can keep the ones that truly matter to you, and build an edifice out of it. Fe is more of a drive, you get shocked by feelings as if it was electricity, it prompts you to act on it, and in order to affect things you "shock" the people around you. It doesn't get much more deeper than that, though the feelings still are very nuanced, and I think Fe have a better grasp of the whole spectrum and its effects.

You wouldn't believe how annoying it can be, especially in those times of "crisis" when people think because things are rough it gives them a free pass to be generally unpleasant. Those bad vibes just flow through you, and it pisses you off. Like someone farting as hard as he could and you just wish he would have gone to the toilet instead of sharing the scent of his bowels. That's why INFJs can be bossy, and kind of dick-ish really. You can only tolerate so much in one day.

You should distinguish passion and love because those two are not the same ! Great love stories with people being together from childhood till the grave really much shows that love isn't passion. Passion doesn't last, it's too intense for that, you go from one passion to the next, because that strong energy helps a lot to go through the hardships (or dullness) of life. Love is much more quiet, it's always there, without monopolizing constantly your attention, without making you restless. It calms you down, gives you trust, and incite you to reach out for your goals and dreams. It's like floating above, untouchable by mood swings and any such difficulties.

In INFJs, Ti is stronger than Fi, it just is. Because Fe and Ti are auxiliary and tertiary functions, we are able to even out our emotions and our logic. But all in all, I perceive reality as a flow (Ni), and I just feel like a small rock carried down that stream. Fi would mean I decide those values that are mine alone are more valuable to me than those floating around, and I don't. I feel so small compared to how numerous and varied people are out there, and don't get me started on history, I feel like a droplet in an ocean. I accept that limitation, because I prefer going beyond my individuality, understand the streams of life, and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts.


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## kaleidoscope

I love this thread so much! ENFP reporting. 

To my understanding, INFJs tend to absorb other people's emotions - someone correct me if I'm wrong - and so my excitement and my playfulness are contagious in that sense. The INFJ I am dating told me yesterday that my presence/energy and how vibrant I am make him feel.. stronger and bolder. I thought that was so interesting, I don't think I've gotten a compliment like that. But apparently, something about me makes him feel empowered, and I kind of fucking love that. He also told me that usually, it takes him forever to become open up, and that people in his life generally have the hardest him reading him or knowing what is going on with him internally, but he somehow feels comfortable enough to express his feelings with me, and let me in. 

I've never dated a Feeler - let alone an INFJ - but something about the serious and thoughtful introspection, paired with the sensitivity, thoughtfulness and emotionality is absolutely perfect. It's not *so* intense that it's overwhelming, it's _just_ right. We are always in sync when we talk, and we immediately get each other on an intuitive level. He just called me on his break, and he was playfully hinting at something that I immediately caught. He then said that he realized that "I speak the way he thinks". I thought that was an interesting way to put it, that I'm able to put into words (or externalize) what he thinks or feels.


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## SoliderOfLight

thewoodlandfairy said:


> This thread is for people who have experienced the instant connection between ENFPs and INFJs to write about their rexperiences!
> 
> I was in a relationship with an INFJ, before I even found out about mbit. After the relationship was over and I found out about mbti, I went back and asked him what type he was. Funnily enough, he had already taken the test and turns out he was an INFJ
> 
> I had talked to a lot of guys my age, but I had never met someone who could understand me as well as he could. he knew exactly where I was coming from, and I never needed to second explain myself.
> As an Enfp, I hate criticism, and he even subconsciously knew that and would go about it in the most tactful way.
> There were occasions where I made him cry from the heartfelt complements that I gave him, and it just made me feel good to help him understand how much potential he had!
> 
> After only three days of talking we decided to go out, that was the level of intensity we had between us and it was great  I had never felt anything like that deep relationship before!
> I really believe that the relationships between INFJ and Enfps have so much potential and there is so much room to grow and develop into better people. Enfps! Find yourself an INFJ!


The only ENFP I met was another male, but it was a fantastic experience.

The ENFP got along with literally everyone. I was so impressed with his ability to truly inspire everyone he was around. He happened to be gay, and for anyone that he interacted with he could single handedly take away everyone's preconceptions about homosexual people. He made a significant difference in everyone's life and I wanted to make just as big of an impact in the lives around me as he did. Still today, he single handedly started up an art and drama program at the place he works at and continues to be an inspiration to all that surround him.

To say the least, I am extremely deeply impressed with ENFPs and really want to meet a female version in my own life. You guys have my utter, absolute, amazing respect.


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## Tridentus

It's the level of understanding + the level of respect and admiration that is the attraction which creates the chemistry.

Other ENFPs can understand me just as well as INFJs do, and I'm sure INFJ-INFJ dynamics are the same- HOWEVER, it's the fact that your own type will often find you exhausting and have less of that respect for you since you have all the same gifts and flaws- you gifts become easy, and your flaws hit too close to home. ENFP-INFJ has nearly the same level of understanding, but a level of mystery and respect as well which is difficult to articulate..

This is why people feel that chemistry the way they do in this dynamic.


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## Scarlet.Black

I wouldn't say that it is instant - not in my experience. I have had ENFP friends and I had a thing with male ENFP for years but something was always missing in those relationship. What I missed was a deeper, more honest and intellectual connection. It was easy spending time with them but I never got what I wanted from those relationships/friendships. :/


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## bigstupidgrin

Sorry I didn't read the thread first but:

It makes sense to me, since ENFJ and INFP chemistry is real.


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## Nocti

!!!! OOOh !!! I have my best friend, Astia, who's an INFJ !!! I really feel a deep connexion with her, and i can feel that she feels the same, we complete each other, it's like, the world i made is bound to hers, but hers is in her mind and mine is out there, mixed with the real world. We both believe in world peace and we are what she calls children at heart... She is so interesting, I wish i could explore the world she made up, I wish i could see the wonders she brought to life in her spirit, And as i will get to know her, more and more, through the years, i will certainly see it ! and i will show her the colors of my life in return !!! We bring each other so much happiness, its as if we help each other to become better people every day.

And as an ENFP, i know more than a single infj !! and god knows how complicated it is for them to get along, astia told me so. So wat did i do ? I introduced the infjs i know to each other ! and now theyre all pals, i made an infj squad ! i'm not part of it, but just knowing that it exists because of me makes me as happy as if i was part of it !!! Im so happy to know that they got along !!!


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## Nothing1

I met an ENFP years ago and started a relationship instantly. We both felt this undeniable connection that neither of us had felt before. It was a very dreamy, fantastic situation. Ultimately, it was the worst thing I could've done, getting involved with an ENFP. I think you guy make great friends, but that's it.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar

Scarlet.Black said:


> I wouldn't say that it is instant - not in my experience. I have had ENFP friends and I had a thing with male ENFP for years but something was always missing in those relationship. What I missed was a deeper, more honest and intellectual connection. It was easy spending time with them but I never got what I wanted from those relationships/friendships. :/


No honest and intellectual connection?


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## Scarlet.Black

Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar said:


> No honest and intellectual connection?


I was talking about my own experience  some other enfp-infj couple can have different kind of experience.


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## Arzazar Szubrasznikarazar

Scarlet.Black said:


> I was talking about my own experience  some other enfp-infj couple can have different kind of experience.


How did it look, though?


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## mikki104

I'm 8 months into my second long-term relationship with an ENFP. My first one lasted two years, was amazing when it was good and a nightmare when bad, and eventually devastated both of us. 

I agree with most of the other INFJ veterans of these relationships. ENFPs = great friends, poor partners for INFJs long-term. I've been carefully researching this for a few months, and I think this is the sad but most common conclusion. The important thing is to understand the difference between curiosity vs. respect, affection vs. tenderness/vulnerability, admiration versus intimacy... obsession versus love. 

In my experience, INFJ-ENFP relationships seem predestined for codependency. An unhealthy obsession with each other that can never be sated, because neither ever feels secure in the other's love, because we understand and express and need different kinds of love. 

I think it's really the Fi/Fe combo. It's weird because I was happily engaged to an ISFP with minimal problems, and it seems to work out fine for ENFJs & INFPs, but for some reason ours seem to clash hard. ENFPs with those Fi/Te values just have a really different way of perceiving the world and showing affection from me. The way I show love - affectionately, expressively, impulsively, over-the-top sometimes - doesn't seem to register to him as love at all. It seems soppy at best and gushy or insincere at worst. He loves me, but I know he thinks I'm lame on some level. Or at least, I feel that way. I feel like he appreciates the dry wit and hidden soft spots of TJs more than my warmth. He sees Fi as "authentic," whereas I am putting on some kind of show. I don't know. It sucks. 

The way I feel about his Fi is... attracted and annoyed. It can be warm and authentic and generous, but very contrarian. He has to be different, he has to be the special snowflake. All the time. He expresses affection by using terms of endearment like piglet, microbe... He tells me fuck off at least as much as he tells me he loves me. It's funny and I enjoy it, but sometimes I just want to be simple and straightforward and soupy and though HE loves to do that, he detests when I do it. And I feel like INTJs can handle that type of affection, it's right up their alley... they appreciate his ironic sense of humor and vice versa. They get each other. I am jealous of that. I am hopelessly attracted to a man I can't really fathom, once we scratch away the false-friends "common NF"... our Ni/Fe and Ne/Fi combos are mutually unintelligible but endlessly fascinating because of that. But exhausting. Draining. De-energizing. And I know he feels the same about me. He wants to be together all the time, but I want to kill him after about 4 hours. We end up getting tired then fighting because one of us misunderstands the other one somehow, gets sensitive and reacts poorly, and sets off the other one. We keep apologizing at each other without understanding what happened, our Feels all up at arms, secretly believing the other one is at fault, unable to comprehend where the other is coming from because we have such totally different ideas of what love is and how it's shown. At worst, he makes my love feel cheap and shallow and doesn't seem to register it. We get along fine when I re-engineer myself to be (what feels like to me) cooler, more callous, less expressive... I have to tone down my natural Fe for us to get along. That's the only time he believes I'm being "real." When I'm cold he throws himself at me, but when I can't hold back anymore and turn on him with all the love I feel he seems slightly disgusted or bored. It can work... but only if I change myself and act unnaturally to suit his love language, and vice-versa. There has to be an easier way.

I think that ENFPs are wild and uncontrollable, inspired but prone to neuroticism, and they really need a calm, solid TJ to tolerate their sometimes-irrational emotions, set good boundaries, be assertive but fair, and help them feel secure. They will cling to those people as keepers. His cleverness and contrarian-ness makes it too easy for him to get beneath my skin and shake my feathers, and as an FJ I WILL react. And he resents that I don't trust him enough to let him in to do that :/. 

Another issue... at the end of the day, we don't really respect each other's values. He has a very existential way of viewing life, which strikes me as cynical and harsh at times. Though cheery on the outside, deep deep down, he despairs of any real "meaning" to life, and despises those who have it. Though I'm often outwardly depressive, deep deep deep down, I am an optimist, I care about people and want to make the world a better place. He sees that about me (most don't) and views me as naively hopeful and romantic, or downright ignorant at worst. He admires, almost envies, my faith in people, but is disgusted by my "need" to make them happy or "conform" to their standards. He wants unconditional loyalty and someone who cares about him more than the rest of the world... but though I'm an introvert, deep down I am a people-lover by principle and will put others' well-being at or above mine (and my family's) - which he takes personally. Though he "loves people" on the outside, deep down he really only loves those close to him, and will do virtually anything for them (poor boundaries). This fundamental difference has wreaked havoc in our social lives and priorities and commitments to one another. 

This is all the negative stuff... I do love him deeply and admire him profoundly, he is so kind and generous and attentive and bizarre and witty and creative... sometimes I am overwhelmed by tenderness and I just want to eat him up hahaha. We DO talk about our struggles openly all the time, and we have both grown tremendously by trying to understand our dynamic and communicate and meet the other's needs. Things have gotten better. Plus, the sex is fantastic. That is honestly what is getting us through. But we can't seem to make it work without a tremendous effort, and I question whether that is tenable in the long run, whether all this work will ever lead to a relationship that is comforting and supportive to come home to at the end of a long day, instead of draining and stressful. I've seen reports of a fair amount of ENFP-INFJ divorces or strained long-term relationships, and I don't want to sign up for that. 

*tl;dr: Best friends, amazing flings, fabulous friends with benefits... beware of longer-term commitments. *


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## luna222

mikki104 said:


> I think it's really the Fi/Fe combo. It's weird because I was happily engaged to an ISFP with minimal problems, and it seems to work out fine for ENFJs & INFPs, but for some reason ours seem to clash hard. ENFPs with those Fi/Te values just have a really different way of perceiving the world and showing affection from me. The way I show love - affectionately, expressively, impulsively, over-the-top sometimes - doesn't seem to register to him as love at all. It seems soppy at best and gushy or insincere at worst. He loves me, but I know he thinks I'm lame on some level. Or at least, I feel that way. I feel like he appreciates the dry wit and hidden soft spots of TJs more than my warmth. He sees Fi as "authentic," whereas I am putting on some kind of show. I don't know. It sucks. [/B]


So interesting to read this. I am 4 months into my long-distance relationship with my ENFP and I feel like things keep getting worse and worse, but I feel like it is because our Fi clashes. We have the same problems as you do, we constantly misunderstand each other and accidentally upset the other one, although we both love each other. I came browsing here wondering how Fe/Fi works but from what you say there are still struggles! I feel the same way you do, that our love languages are all wrong for each other, he feels i don't care about him even when I am lavishing affection on him, and he seems to reject my lovey doveyness as annoying. I am beginning to think NFs just suck together...too much feels.


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## cafetalk

ENFPs often see something in me that I don't see and will point it out. They often crack up with my sense of humor. I might think what I say is amusing and try to be funny - but ENFPs get a total kick out of it.

They also seem to value who I am when I actually don't value myself. It's a tough concept to grasp for me because I think, "How can you see something that important to me. How can I mean so much?".

So with faith in them I listen to what they say and do the best I can to believe it.


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## Blue Ribbon

Okay, not a romantic relationship but @Juiz I really do love you in a totally non romantic way.

INFJ are nice, kind, warm and very good judges of people - like an ENFP turned inside out. Also, they're cute. I love them.  Instant chemistry XD


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## Juiz

Witch of Certainty said:


> Okay, not a romantic relationship but @Juiz I really do love you in a totally non romantic way.
> 
> INFJ are nice, kind, warm and very good judges of people - like an ENFP turned inside out. Also, they're cute. I love them.  Instant chemistry XD


;________;

-squeezes-


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## wums

mikki104 said:


> and it seems to work out fine for ENFJs & INFPs, but for some reason ours seem to clash hard.


Just wanted to say that no, this pairing is also notoriously heart-fuckingly difficult in the same way. Maybe a little better because we're more consistent personalities (Rationals) but it's still rough.

Still a very high risk of:



> An unhealthy obsession with each other that can never be sated, because neither ever feels secure in the other's love, because we understand and express and need different kinds of love.



But I think there's a lot to learn from these relationships, I will say that. The errors are in communication, not in the heart and soul. It's trust and communication issues. We have these issues with everyone, we just don't feel it as strongly with everyone.

I don't see how they could truly be so unhealthy if the feelings are so mutually intense. Clearly nature wanted it to be this way? Otherwise, why would it happen like clockwork? Just doesn't make any sense to me. I think it's difficult but worth it, so I still haven't given up, multiple heartbreaks later. 

I actually believe the whole reason for the existence of Ti/Te and Fe/Fi is to allow for subjectivity but for one to give the other feedback. Fi needs Fe and Ti needs Te. It's codependency ....until we learn from it, then it's the most valuable resource available to us ....Right? Right? :blushed:

Hope you guys can make it work.


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