# S vs N [Jealousy (Social Approval) vs Narcissicm(inferiority complex)]



## addle1618 (Oct 31, 2008)

> I prefer the term ‘social approval’ instead of ‘confirmation’ because it indicates better what the underlying requirement is. This need to have one’s self confirmed and validated by other people, this need for social approval, means the psychological requirement of a person to become socially integrated in an harmonious way.
> 
> The way in which I understand confirmation is that the person seeks that which was missing in their childhood. The infant needs love from the parents. If this is not forthcoming, or if it is not sufficient in quantity, then the infant is not confirmed in its social persona and its ego will become fragile and unstable. The less the love that the child received, the greater is the need for the confirmation of one’s self by other people. It is usually through favourable, satisfying relationships that the person seeks to fulfil themself, psychologically rather than pleasurably ; the need for social approval is often more important than the pursuit of happiness.
> 
> ...


Now after reading this it made me think of the general thought processes that are described of S's and N's and how they may correlate with subtle needs for power. Discuss.



Original Source: Social Approval and Inferiority Complex


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Mine is different. It's a strange combination, but what I need is mostly social approval, I'm guessing. I have a very strong need to be liked and accepted, but in order for the acceptance to be meaningful, I must be accepted as a unique, authentic person. Therefore, my need for social approval does not lead to conformity. It forces me to accentuate my strangeness in order to be recognized as talented, sensitive, interesting, creative, and worthy of being held in positive regard. I would like to feel a sense of harmonious belonging without losing my identity as a distinct, special individual. I only need to be accepted by one person as long as that person accepts me completely. If I don't have one perfect person, I need several who accept various parts of me. I know that I should be more spiritually focused about it and should rely on God, but my relationship with God feels just as long-distance as the one with my boyfriend when I need encouraging words or a comforting hug. That is a problem I don't know how to solve.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Thanks for the post Addle. This is interesting.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Addle good article but I see no link between N vs S. Maybe I vs E at best. I would say this is one of the reasons we are having a problem in PC right now. It would be helpful if all parties involved in the perceived INFP/INTP fight (I know that was a generalization but it is better that way then to keep naming names) read this and took a look at themselves.


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## ChaosRegins (Apr 11, 2009)

*Nice post. I preview some of it. I'll actually have to read it when I more relaxed later....I can't sit for long periods sometimes.*


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## iceman44 (Nov 11, 2009)

Very interesting post. Never heard of this before. I would like to know more about the concept.roud:


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

This is very thoughtful I especially like where it points out the difference of loneliness, and actually being alone.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Is anyone actually going to discuss Addle's thoughts on it? Everyone is saying great but do you all think this is N vs S? I still maintain it does not.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I don't think it's N vs S, but maybe has something to do with enneagram. I'm wondering if I may be a type 4 now. It seems to describe both major aspects of the 4's search for acceptance as a unique being. I don't consider it a flaw to need approval or to need to feel personally competent, because ideally we would all love one another, and this longing would enable us to feel the pleasure of that positive regard. Without a natural drive to seek it or appreciate it, even in a perfect world, there would be no way to enjoy that perfection, let alone experience it as the removal of a painful deficit. Also, the drive to hold the self in high regard prevents apathy. If we didn't care, we would become complacent and wouldn't continue to grow or improve.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> Is anyone actually going to discuss Addle's thoughts on it? Everyone is saying great but do you all think this is N vs S? I still maintain it does not.


To be honest I am not nearly as interested in MBTI as, well, pretty much everyone else on this site. But I thanked Addle simply because I've never heard of this and it seems fairly logical. I don't understand why you disagree with the article. I/E, N/S, T/F, and P/J. Each letter type does the same thing as its counterpart just in a different way. In this article the underlying theme is both N and S require validation they just look for it and deal with the desire and its consequences in different ways.


snail said:


> I don't think it's N vs S, but maybe has something to do with enneagram. I'm wondering if I may be a type 4 now. It seems to describe both major aspects of the 4's search for acceptance as a unique being. I don't consider it a flaw to need approval or to need to feel personally competent, because ideally we would all love one another, and this longing would enable us to feel the pleasure of that positive regard. Without a natural drive to seek it or appreciate it, even in a perfect world, there would be no way to enjoy that perfection, let alone experience it as the removal of a painful deficit. Also, the drive to hold the self in high regard prevents apathy. If we didn't care, we would become complacent and wouldn't continue to grow or improve.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Snail I could guarantee you are a 1. I was actually looking to talk to you about it but you didn't respond for whatever reason.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Acceptance*



snail said:


> Mine is different. It's a strange combination, but what I need is mostly social approval, I'm guessing. I have a very strong need to be liked and accepted, but in order for the acceptance to be meaningful, I must be accepted as a unique, authentic person. Therefore, my need for social approval does not lead to conformity. It forces me to accentuate my strangeness in order to be recognized as talented, sensitive, interesting, creative, and worthy of being held in positive regard. I would like to feel a sense of harmonious belonging without losing my identity as a distinct, special individual. I only need to be accepted by one person as long as that person accepts me completely. If I don't have one perfect person, I need several who accept various parts of me. I know that I should be more spiritually focused about it and should rely on God, but my relationship with God feels just as long-distance as the one with my boyfriend when I need encouraging words or a comforting hug. That is a problem I don't know how to solve.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Perseus has the NP as in special need of Acceptance. In contrast the SJ has the least need for acceptance and likes to be thought of as Trustworthy.

This means the SJ can be very hurtful for rejecting NPs just because they don't like them. Even attacking them and try to murder them for the same reason is not out of the question. This is called abuse. If you want to abuse a Guard accuse him of stealing.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I have learned to deal with the types that just won't get me, the way I have learned to deal with animals- basically. Woudl you make any sudden jerking moves around a dog who is likely to attack? No. I won't go all Ne on an SJ unless I am certain that they can't put me in a strait-jacket, call the police, or have the village burn me at the stake. It was really difficult operating under the radar, when I was a younger NP- but I have perfected my S mask, for the world, so that I may go out there and do mundane things without catching flack- then come home and play with my other N type friends.

It is an S dominant world, and S types can't fully comprehend N types. It takes all of our kinds, to work together, so I am not trying to say that S types are completely useless- just that they don't get us, and the masquerading as something they can understand is necessary just to save ourselves time- or stay out of the looney bin.

:laughing:


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Promethea said:


> I have learned to deal with the types that just won't get me, the way I have learned to deal with animals- basically. Woudl you make any sudden jerking moves around a dog who is likely to attack? No. I won't go all Ne on an SJ unless I am certain that they can't put me in a strait-jacket, call the police, or have the village burn me at the stake. It was really difficult operating under the radar, when I was a younger NP- but I have perfected my S mask, for the world, so that I may go out there and do mundane things without catching flack- then come home and play with my other N type friends.
> 
> It is an S dominant world, and S types can't fully comprehend N types. It takes all of our kinds, to work together, so I am not trying to say that S types are completely useless- just that they don't get us, and the masquerading as something they can understand is necessary just to save ourselves time- or stay out of the looney bin.
> 
> :laughing:


This is such generalized dribble. I love the "superior" intuitive types. Also, this really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. It seems like you decided this was a good place to just bash Sensors. 




TurranMC said:


> To be honest I am not nearly as interested in MBTI as, well, pretty much everyone else on this site. But I thanked Addle simply because I've never heard of this and it seems fairly logical. I don't understand why you disagree with the article. I/E, N/S, T/F, and P/J. Each letter type does the same thing as its counterpart just in a different way. In this article the underlying theme is both N and S require validation they just look for it and deal with the desire and its consequences in different ways.Snail I could guarantee you are a 1. I was actually looking to talk to you about it but you didn't respond for whatever reason.


Where did I say I didn't agree with the article? I agree with the article but I don't agree with the posters assessment of it. HE compared it to MBTI and specifically N vs S. I did not. I don't think it is a MBTI thing at all.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> This is such generalized dribble. I love the "superior" intuitive types. Also, this really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. It seems like you decided this was a good place to just bash Sensors.
> 
> 
> 
> Where did I say I didn't agree with the article? I agree with the article but I don't agree with the posters assessment of it. HE compared it to MBTI and specifically N vs S. I did not. I don't think it is a MBTI thing at all.



Now there you go, S type- not understanding me or my intentions. Lol.. jk. Srsly though.. it's just what came to mind after I read that. And I did say that it takes all kinds to make society work. I don't think that N types are superior, just that S types don't understand us how we think. We probably can't fully grasp how you think either. Pretty certain. I wasn't bashing anyone, or trying to- but rereading my post, I can see how you took it that way. It was really just my attempt at humor. Plz dun put me in a mental institution? ; P


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Promethea said:


> Now there you go, S type- not understanding me or my intentions. Lol.. jk. Srsly though.. it's just what came to mind after I read that. And I did say that it takes all kinds to make society work. I don't think that N types are superior, just that S types don't understand us how we think. We probably can't fully grasp how you think either. Pretty certain. I wasn't bashing anyone, or trying to- but rereading my post, I can see how you took it that way. It was really just my attempt at humor. Plz dun put me in a mental institution? ; P


I understand N types pretty well since I mainly hang out with them. I also married one for 17 years. As you said though if that wasn't your intention then yes please do put more care into what you write.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

To be honest, the S and N link is barely implied and it appears that other factors in the indicator also matter. (T/F and I/E) 
Approval desire and disapproval desire are apparent, admittedly, I just want to know how you connected the dots.


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