# What's the best way to deal with SP rage?



## amnorvend

The times I've encountered SP rage, I've mostly just blown it off. I can stay calm and collected while they yell at me or insult me. To be honest, my biggest problem sometimes is not laughing at them. Not because I don't appreciate their situation, but more because I know they don't mean what they're saying and are going to regret it later on.

Is my best bet to just continue what I'm doing and letting it go, or is there a better way to handle it? It feels wrong to let it go, but handling conflict just isn't what I'm good at.


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## madhatter

amnorvend said:


> The times I've encountered SP rage, I've mostly just blown it off. I can stay calm and collected while they yell at me or insult me. To be honest, my biggest problem sometimes is not laughing at them. Not because I don't appreciate their situation, but more because I know they don't mean what they're saying and are going to regret it later on.
> 
> Is my best bet to just continue what I'm doing and letting it go, or is there a better way to handle it? It feels wrong to let it go, but handling conflict just isn't what I'm good at.


Is the rage directed at you specifically or are they just blowing off, and you're the nearest person?


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## ZC Carbon

With your superiority complex I'm surprised ISTP's would trust you enough to direct their rage at you.


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## OctoberSkye

I very rarely rage, but whenever I do, I come across as a toddler throwing a tantrum. Everyone finds this hysterical and doesn't take me seriously. It used to irritate me, but really, it's probably the best way to deal with it. I mean, don't actually laugh, but let it bounce right off you. You really shouldn't allow yourself to be a verbal punching bag, though...

Anyway, the best advice I know is to not meet anger with anger. Fire + Fire = Bigger Fire.


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## RyRyMini

When I do rage, I never raise my voice but usually throw out multiple sarcastic comments in monotone. It's true that most of the time people don't take me seriously, but laughing would make extremely angry. The best way to deal with it would probably be to do the same thing back - I can take it and it'll kind of put me in my place before I say something I'd regret.


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## firedell

Rage from SP's? This is new... it is very hard to get me and other SP's I know very angry. It takes a lot to push my buttons, and when you have it is best to leave me alone, and I will soon be back to normal.


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## ENTrePenuer

Talk to them like the children they are.


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## ThoughtProcess

ENTrePenuer said:


> Talk to them like the children they are.


That's a good way to get yourself punched.


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## Adrenaline

When I rage I throw things, kick things, say and yell things etc. I usually do something I'll regret but I have a very logical and reasonable approach then it turns into a rage. This doesn't happen often, but when it does it's:angry: BAD!


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## Derosa90

Buy them a hooker with no teeth. Midget ones aren't bad either


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## Ikari T

Derosa90 said:


> Buy them a hooker with no teeth. Midget ones aren't bad either


This is hilarious as I click to the next page and I see this post immediately. lol!


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## ontic

I know that if someone appeals to my Ti and says something like "you're getting emotional". I'll usually feel ashamed and back down...but that's specific to Ti!!

Otherwise I'd say just say back off for a bit, and approach later with caution. SP's are usually very laid back people, if they've blown up in anger then there's probably something very stressful going on in their life.


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## Adrenaline

ontic said:


> I know that if someone appeals to my Ti and says something like "you're getting emotional". I'll usually feel ashamed and back down...but that's specific to Ti!!
> 
> Otherwise I'd say just say back off for a bit, and approach later with caution. SP's are usually very laid back people, if they've blown up in anger then there's probably something very stressful going on in their life.


I have a similar experience. When I get in arguments with my dad(ISTJ) he can sometimes be manipulative(telling me that I'm being emotional when I'm not even close) and thinks that I don't see it. I'll be respectful for a short while trying to expose his manipulation calmly but he won't budge. Once I get him to budge he'll start pulling more shit out of his ass, this is when I get pissed off. Once the line was crossed I started mouthing off to him then ran outside(you would too, he is HUGE...Think Ronnie Coleman). It was pretty ugly.

Being an ESTP, our tertiary function is Extraverted Feeling meaning that our emotions will be outwardly expressed. It's a lot more likely for this to happen ESTP than an ISTP or ISTJ. I will always have a logical and rational reason as to why I did it even though others percieve it differently, usually destructive...which it is...sometimes.


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## PhillyFox

Luckily I've never encountered SP rage. I only know of two SP's in my life right now. The ESFP always seems very happy-go-lucky while the ISFP always seems very calm. I'd hate to think of them getting pissed off. I can't handle emotional outbursts from other people. Usually I just walk away, but if they keep attacking me, I know how to defend.


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## TreeBob

SPs can rage, especially Enneagram eights. Although in my case you would really need to put down something I really value. This could be friends, kids, siblings or even something I really worked hard on. I've begun trying to fix my rage issues and when someone says something I know will set me off if they continue I nicely warn them to stop now or it won't be pretty. 

I noticed the OP never clarified himself after he wrote the post.


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## Miss Scarlet

ENTrePenuer said:


> Talk to them like the children they are.


Yeah, I kinda agree with that.

I think that more introverts are likely to throw tantrums though. Just something that I've noticed.


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## dagnytaggart

ontic said:


> I know that if someone appeals to my Ti and says something like "you're getting emotional". I'll usually feel ashamed and back down...but that's specific to Ti!!


^ Yep. That actually makes Fi types even worse.


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## dagnytaggart

Adrenaline said:


> I have a similar experience. When I get in arguments with my dad(ISTJ) I started mouthing off to him then ran outside(you would too, he is HUGE...Think Ronnie Coleman). It was pretty ugly.


:crazy:

Rofl! Come on, I thought ESTPs weren't supposed to be pansies. xD 



EDIT:










...err. Never mind what I just said. *sprints off*


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## Antithesis

I don't 'rage' at all any more. I was a very angry and emotional child, I used to get wound up and cry and lash out a lot. I've learned to control that now, to the extent that I think I've only got demonstratively angry once in the last 2 years. . I'm not very confrontational as I can't deal with other people getting emotional; also I get frustrated when I'm sure I'm right (I know I'm not always right!) and the other person can't see that. If people piss me off i have a tendency to just cut them out unless they come back to me of their own volition. Then I'm usually fine to act like nothing happened and move on, because I'm rarely one to hold a grudge. There are a couple of people who I never want anything to do with again, but they are the exceptions.


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## VIRUS

Going for a really long run or anything else athletic. Preferably alone. Tennis is good, I hit the ball instead of a person. Maybe I'll get into boxing some time soon. That would be fun.


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## njchick

It takes a lot to bring me to rage, I don't get angry easily. We are people who like a good time. The other person had to have crossed a border of mine, during the confrontation I will quickly ask myself if the person truly meant to cross this border and once I've determined that they have, the rage may ensue.
I've grown up and learned to leave, come back and confront because my first reaction is to throw shit. 

Your best bet is to leave when an SP is raging.


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## Adrenaline

njchick said:


> It takes a lot to bring me to rage, I don't get angry easily. We are people who like a good time. The other person had to have crossed a border of mine, during the confrontation I will quickly ask myself if the person truly meant to cross this border and once I've determined that they have, the rage may ensue.
> I've grown up and learned to leave, come back and confront because my first reaction is to throw shit.
> 
> Your best bet is to leave when an SP is raging.


I know what you mean. I can tell when someone is being purposefully an ass or if they're just being ignorant. I don't get angry that easily either, but when I do get very angry I find myself yelling and/or throwing or smashing something(HULK haha). In order for that not to occur I should allow myself some space and let my adrenaline level cool down.


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## DJArendee

The only time I've seen Se get angry is when you tear them away from whatever they're doing. Then you're about to get knocked out.


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## Indigo Aria

The only time I rage is when something I'm trying to do (usually working on something mechanical...or math homework :angry: ) or when I can tell someone is doing something with bad intentions...but that's Fi specific. I usually just yell one simple phrase (like "You F***ING C**T!!!!!!!!!!) and get silently violent. not toward people, but I throw tools and what not and *usually* break something. I've broken every hammer we have at home, along with a few screwdrivers and wrenches.

Your best bet is to just let it go. I'll calm down later and act like nothing happened.


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## dagnytaggart

Actually, I brought this up in a thread I made, but I only know one SP who has rage issues...another ESTP. 

The thing is, he's a REALLY sore loser. It's quite disgusting to watch. I won't play tennis with him anymore, because he always causes an embarrassing scene when he loses. He begs and begs me to play with him and keeps promising that he won't throw a fit if he loses, but he's been unable to live up to that promise, so I don't.

(I'm talking about yelling, swearing, breaking his racket by smashing it down on the court, getting hostile with others who tell him to keep it down, etc.) It's so embarrassing. And worse, people automatically think we're girlfriend and boyfriend when we're out together. And though he's interested, no way am I dating anyone that violently crazy. Hot blonde or not. lol

And last year, I went gambling with him. Same thing. Except worse, because we were indoors. He loudly ranted inside the casino about how it's run by scam artists and how only idiots would frequent them (such as himself? :wink: lol). The guy was pounding on the buttons, and VIOLENTLY yanking the lever, nearly breaking it. He got caught doing that, and we BOTH nearly got kicked out (because of HIM). How did I deal with this nonsense? By sneaking off, gathering the rest of the group, and leaving him stranded there. haha

I've never met any other ESTPs like this (in fact, I don't know ANYONE as sore a loser as he is). However, knowing him all my life, he had a rather harsh and demanding "winning is everything" father, so maybe that had something to do with his issues. I still won't play tennis with him in public though.


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## Indigo Aria

*when something I'm trying to do doesn't work....typo and too late to edit.


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## Neon Knight

One word.....duck. That or just get the hell out until we calm down which we will let you know ourselves later anyway after done venting.


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## IheartFootball10

well it takes a lot for me to get to the point of rage, but when i do.....wow, its reeeaaally ugly. its a rage that just can not be matched. its best to just stay the hell away from me. ill eventually calm down and be perfectly fine when its over like nothing even happened.


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## Seralya

Wait it out. It can't take long.


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## Raichan

Regardless of type, everybody should establish his/her own boundaries precisely and properly.

If they yell at you but you didn't do anything too destructive, tell them you don't like being yelled at.

It's okay to hate conflict, but it's not okay to give people the impression that they can get away with doing stuff that will screw others up. There's no excuse for anyone to continue having an unhealthy bad temper.

It also depends on the case. If you had done something wrong to make them yell at you or insult you, own up to it and take responsibility but be sure to be aware of your own boundaries.


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## SuperDevastation

Though I'm usually calm and collected I get angry when my laptop computer which is my main source of information and more so entertainment takes longer than it should to load a website, and when I get mad I often make growling noises, hit or kick something and mutter curse words under my breath. And also I often have sadistic images in my head of evil people such as child abusers getting tortured or brutally murdered and I don't know why. And I get pleasure seeing evil people get hurt.


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## wickedwitchofthemidwest

I explode every once in a while, but the only sure fire way to tick me off is to interrupt me in mid-whatever. Personally, the best thing to do is to give me back my pencil/book/movie/silence and let me finish... or I will finish you. If I realize I am about to explode I either leave or if I don't realize or care about the person's opinion of me... use your imagination.


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## Jazzlee

Man, I've dealt with so much SP rage from my ESFP sister in my life it's a wonder my eardrums are still intact.

My advice on how to deal with it all depends on the situation.

If you think you're right and won't cave in to them:

- Don't go against them. The more riled up they get, the worse things they're going to say, and it's just going to be an endless fight since you might get offended when they go too far.

- If it's an ISxP - I don't know with ISTPs, but I do have an ISFP best friend who's also dating another ISFP - you just stop talking, period. Once it blows past, you can act normal again.

If you think you're right and thinks that it isn't worth the fight, so it's better to surrender and make them stop raging:

- Let them finish venting, and then be the first to apologize. Don't do it straight away, though - they're still going to be in rage mode and it might not have the best of results.

If you're not the one they're raging at, just go along with whatever they say. Blunt honesty can seriously get under their skin even if it's a realistic view on their opinion, so if you don't want to encourage them, just sit it out. That's basically my advice for how to deal with their rage in general: sit it out. Seriously, it's not going to take long before it's all blown over anyway.

(I can't really speak for ESTPs considering the encouraging part, though. The one time I've seen an ESTP mad, I tried to soothe his anger but accidentally got into the line of fire. He wound up throwing all these insults at me, and when I laughed, he just got angrier. Then again, he was an immature prat.)


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## ThoughtProcess

Aye. There's a point where I just stop talking before I say or do something _really_ bad.


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## Leon_Kennedy88

If someone is being an ass on purpose, i usually let it slide the first time. Once I catch them trying to make a fool out of me again...then all hell brakes loose :angry:


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## Vtile

This isn't an answer just image which jumped to my head.. offtopic kind of, sry. My father is an schoollbook example of an ISTP and my mother (dunno the type) really likes to poke him when she is bored to hell when he doesn't speak or answer anything. It's like a *poke**poke*
*hmpf*
*poke**poke*
*fu*
*hihihii**poke*
*boom*
*hihihii*


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## Wendixy

It's really hard to piss me off. However, If I am pissed... I will only rage at the person that I'm close to, whom is my best friend. He knows it, and he accepts it. I let him do the same thing back at me. He's ISFJ btw. If he's not there, I'll just throw things around, and/or curse the crap out of that person in writing...


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## Leon_Kennedy88

I usually listen to loud & angry music when I'm dealing with rage. Either that or I take long walks to clear my head.


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## sparkles

I haven't been consciously this type long enough to know about SP rage??

It takes a lot to get me angry. It can happen but it's rare. I used to be way too withdrawn and self-invalidating about anger to even let myself experience it.

But the other day at work, this lady was unloading at me over the phone about how all this crappy stuff was my fault, putting blame on me and calling me incompetent. (I'm not, I'm just too overworked up there.) She wasn't listening to me explain how to handle her issue, was just blaming me and trying to manipulate me into treating it like an emergency when it wasn't. (I don't take to attempts to manipulate too well.) I'm in social work.

I had to get up and walk out to the hallway and go around the corner and come back. I kicked the coke machine before I returned. I resisted the (STRONG) urge to throw my phone across the room. According to the receptionist I raised my voice. She apologized for transferring the call on a paperwork day, said she knew it must have been bad because she never hears me raise my voice like that. Some of it was just trying to get a word in when the lady kept talking and not even GIVING me a chance to resolve her issue. 

I think I'd probably have the same restraint in a non-professional environment. Mad, but restrained about it. 

Or I'd set boundaries. 
Hey you're about to cross the line. I'm about to be a Scorpio and say something really hurtful if you don't stfu. Fair warning.

I prefer to take some space, though. I don't like to be hurtful towards people. Exercise is great for pent-up aggression. So's sex.

I much prefer being around people who will let me take that space instead of being all "no we gotta sort this now" about it. THAT is a TERRIBLE idea if someone is specifically stating a need for space!


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## themartyparade

Raichan said:


> If they yell at you but you didn't do anything too destructive, tell them you don't like being yelled at.


If I'm pissed off and someone interrupts my rant by going "I don't like people yelling at me!", that would probably piss me off some more. The best thing you can do is ignore me and/or leave the room. It's always easier to calm down when you're on your own.


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## ProfessorLiver

Here's what you do.

You get yourself an oragutan. From where? Not my problem.

You carry the oragutan with you wherever you go, and sooner or later people start talking.

Whenever the SP is raging at you, have the orangutan come out of nowhere.

What sick motherfucker would rage at an orangutan?

Have you read The Murders In The Rue Morgue?

Not one.

Not.
One.


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## LotusBlossom

MisterLiver said:


> Here's what you do.
> 
> You get yourself an oragutan. From where? Not my problem.
> 
> You carry the oragutan with you wherever you go, and sooner or later people start talking.
> 
> Whenever the SP is raging at you, have the orangutan come out of nowhere.
> 
> What sick motherfucker would rage at an orangutan?
> 
> Have you read The Murders In The Rue Morgue?
> 
> Not one.
> 
> Not.
> One.


Dude, that's surreal!


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## Emerson

My best friend is ISTP, I wind him up beyond belief purely to see him explode, its funny. He's sort of in on the joke now I think. Fun times.


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## ProfessorLiver

Kayness said:


> Dude, that's surreal!


That's how I roll.


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## DestinyStarX

I don't like showing that side of me when it happens. (It rarely happens)
So I just take a short nap...then I'm all good.

:/


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## Erbse

Don't know, my rage manifests in a verbal steamroll of utter death shredding your very sorry existence to bits. There's no need to throw a tantrum let alone get physical - though, it's highly unlikely to even get me to the point where I'd care enough to shred you in the first place.


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## DJArendee

dagnytaggart said:


> Actually, I brought this up in a thread I made, but I only know one SP who has rage issues...another ESTP.
> 
> The thing is, he's a REALLY sore loser. It's quite disgusting to watch. I won't play tennis with him anymore, because he always causes an embarrassing scene when he loses. He begs and begs me to play with him and keeps promising that he won't throw a fit if he loses, but he's been unable to live up to that promise, so I don't.
> 
> (I'm talking about yelling, swearing, breaking his racket by smashing it down on the court, getting hostile with others who tell him to keep it down, etc.) It's so embarrassing. And worse, people automatically think we're girlfriend and boyfriend when we're out together. And though he's interested, no way am I dating anyone that violently crazy. Hot blonde or not. lol
> 
> And last year, I went gambling with him. Same thing. Except worse, because we were indoors. He loudly ranted inside the casino about how it's run by scam artists and how only idiots would frequent them (such as himself? :wink: lol). The guy was pounding on the buttons, and VIOLENTLY yanking the lever, nearly breaking it. He got caught doing that, and we BOTH nearly got kicked out (because of HIM). How did I deal with this nonsense? By sneaking off, gathering the rest of the group, and leaving him stranded there. haha
> 
> I've never met any other ESTPs like this (in fact, I don't know ANYONE as sore a loser as he is). However, knowing him all my life, he had a rather harsh and demanding "winning is everything" father, so maybe that had something to do with his issues. I still won't play tennis with him in public though.


The loudness actually sounds kind of ESFP to me. Ever see John Goodman in "the big lebowski"?

I've seen ESTP's get frustrated when they lose a match but never having a fit.


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## Brian1

I think ,for me at least, it's like the mind is on energizer rabbit autopilot. One poster said they take a nap, I've experienced, when I sleep , I shut down down my mind,and then I'll sleep, and when I wake up, it picks up right where it left off. Another sign of trouble, is I'll lose focus, and that means another thought is going through my brain when it should be focused on something else. And a lot of negative thoughts spring from that. So, it's really hard to stop the rage before it overwhelms you. And one of the ESTPs traits is looking at the world through a cynical perspective,and not trusting others-I'm not saying this applies to everyone-and I struggle with that. But when the rage comes, it comes fierce.


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## Thalassa

amnorvend said:


> The times I've encountered SP rage, I've mostly just blown it off. I can stay calm and collected while they yell at me or insult me. To be honest, my biggest problem sometimes is not laughing at them. Not because I don't appreciate their situation, *but more because I know they don't mean what they're saying and are going to regret it later on.*
> 
> Is my best bet to just continue what I'm doing and letting it go, or is there a better way to handle it? It feels wrong to let it go, but handling conflict just isn't what I'm good at.


I see you know me.

But seriously laughing at me is the last thing you want to do when I'm very angry, lest I burn down your house.

It's true that I say many ridiculous things when I'm mad that I did not mean...but that doesn't mean that it's always meaningless, either. 

Basically IRL people think I'm pretty sweet and nice and quiet, but that if you do cross me you will regret it, like if you actually get me to the point of being truly angry, it's probably best to either stay out of my way or let me vent...you've got the right idea with staying calm and not fighting back, though that's very hard for some people to do.

I'm a counterphobic E6 so I'm more reactive than some ISFPs...you have your ISFP 9s who seem a lot less likely to act out. 

I can seem kind of ESFP-ish in that, but I've gotten better as I've gotten older. When I was younger I'd just throw a book at you and be on my way. I even broke a window once, but I was way too drunk (and pretty young). I haven't done anything like that in a long time.


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## Thalassa

themartyparade said:


> If I'm pissed off and someone interrupts my rant by going "I don't like people yelling at me!", that would probably piss me off some more. The best thing you can do is ignore me and/or leave the room. It's always easier to calm down when you're on your own.


I relate to this - like people who are really superior acting about "using indoor voices" who believe in repressing anger and biting towels and/or pretending every thing is fine - those people tend to piss me off more than anyone.

My ENFJ sister bugs me this way, because she believes there is an appropriate controlled way we all must behave in every situation. Not saying all ENFJs are like this, but that's how her Fe rolls, and it gets on my last nerve. She actually develops shakes and eating issues because she represses her anger in this manner, believing it to be more moral. Not me, bro. I ain't starvin' myself for anybody. My anger will come out and not stay in me and destroy me.

On the other hand, I don't think it's okay to scare people (like really scare them) or be violent. I've dealt with someone with a severe rage problem, and it's made me much more conscious of refraining from doing things truly scary or hurtful.


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## Brian1

Watch out for Orangutan rage. SPs can't rip off your arm like an orangutan can. 



ProfessorLiver said:


> Here's what you do.
> 
> You get yourself an oragutan. From where? Not my problem.
> 
> You carry the oragutan with you wherever you go, and sooner or later people start talking.
> 
> Whenever the SP is raging at you, have the orangutan come out of nowhere.
> 
> What sick motherfucker would rage at an orangutan?
> 
> Have you read The Murders In The Rue Morgue?
> 
> Not one.
> 
> Not.
> One.


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## Donkey D Kong

I view SP rage as a sort of "clock". The best thing to do is to give them some time to calm down, lest you anger them again and restart the clock.


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## Wendixy

I bottle things up a lot, so I rage whenever I had enough. The NFs (ENFJ and INFP) I know have worse rage than me lol. When I rage, I don't just curse the crap out of people or make them feel bad. Unless they want me to. I usually throw anger at myself and write bad things down just to tear it apart later. I do that because people around me do not care about my personal problems (they say it's boring). It's really my own business, and that's a good point. I keep my sh*tty moods to myself. Now only if they actually did what they told me....

The ones I know? My ENFJ mother throws her Fe at me and make me feel guilty. Not to mention she's good at manipulating my actions. Oh, she throws empty threats too, like "I will disown you!" or "I should have aborted you!"

The INFP friend just insult me directly. He knows I am ISFP, so he would throw all the stereotypes out there. In other words, he looks down on my intelligence because I am a sensor.

They all apologize later, but I have my limit. Right now, I just don't accept their apologies anymore. I ignore them wholeheartedly.


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## Thalassa

Emerson said:


> My best friend is ISTP, I wind him up beyond belief purely to see him explode, its funny. He's sort of in on the joke now I think. Fun times.


It would be awesome if he finally punched you one day, huh?


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## Emerson

fourtines said:


> It would be awesome if he finally punched you one day, huh?



You know I'd agree if it didn't happen every time I see the guy...


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## Thalassa

Emerson said:


> You know I'd agree if it didn't happen every time I see the guy...


You mean he punches you when you bait him? Great!


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## Emerson

fourtines said:


> You mean he punches you when you bait him? Great!


Yeah its hilarious. Genuinely.


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## Eighty

Anyone got tips for stopping getting SP rage in the first place?

I get wound up SO easily by people that I care about. If I didn't care about them, it's fine, I shun it out.

But my boyfriend constantly winds me up unintentionally. It's a nightmare and frankly driving me insane.


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## Thalassa

Eighty said:


> Anyone got tips for stopping getting SP rage in the first place?
> 
> I get wound up SO easily by people that I care about. If I didn't care about them, it's fine, I shun it out.
> 
> But my boyfriend constantly winds me up unintentionally. It's a nightmare and frankly driving me insane.


I noticed in your other thread you think you have an anger problem. I have always had a temper, but I've known someone with a REAL anger problem...actually more than one person...and people with real, bona fide "anger problems" get mad over NOTHING. Like pudding, gravy, loud televisions, and glasses of water. They can impulsively fly into rages over very strange things, and actually become inappropriately violent when stone cold sober. 

When you say you get angry, do you mean you just become pissed off, maybe yell or cry, then get over it?

Or do you mean you fly into real rages over very small things and actually frighten other people?

Also, is your boyfriend usually the cause of this, or is it everything? Is he the kind of person who baits you (like that ENTP jerk up there who thinks it's hilarious to bait his SP friend, dude, I'd punch him too...and I've had TONS of problems with ENTPs on-line because they find it so hilarious to bait people who have tempers or who are emotionally sensitive, and some of them are the sort of people who really will wake up one day face down in a ditch with a knife in their back...but I digress..) 

So is your boyfriend "baiting" you? Or do you really think your irritation and anger is coming literally from nowhere?

Also, were you abused as a child, or did you grow up with an angry parental figure (I did, I grew up with an angry sort of ESTJ).


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## Eighty

fourtines said:


> I noticed in your other thread you think you have an anger problem. I have always had a temper, but I've known someone with a REAL anger problem...actually more than one person...and people with real, bona fide "anger problems" get mad over NOTHING. Like pudding, gravy, loud televisions, and glasses of water. They can impulsively fly into rages over very strange things, and actually become inappropriately violent when stone cold sober.
> 
> When you say you get angry, do you mean you just become pissed off, maybe yell or cry, then get over it?
> 
> Or do you mean you fly into real rages over very small things and actually frighten other people?
> 
> Also, is your boyfriend usually the cause of this, or is it everything? Is he the kind of person who baits you (like that ENTP jerk up there who thinks it's hilarious to bait his SP friend, dude, I'd punch him too...and I've had TONS of problems with ENTPs on-line because they find it so hilarious to bait people who have tempers or who are emotionally sensitive, and some of them are the sort of people who really will wake up one day face down in a ditch with a knife in their back...but I digress..)
> 
> So is your boyfriend "baiting" you? Or do you really think your irritation and anger is coming literally from nowhere?
> 
> Also, were you abused as a child, or did you grow up with an angry parental figure (I did, I grew up with an angry sort of ESTJ).


Hey, thanks for constructive comment.

My anger is more frustration at myself. My boyfriend winds me up, but only after I have wound him up first. We miscommuinicate very easily becuase he is INFJ. What tends to happen is I don't understand why he has said something to me, and I ask him, his response is vague then I do my ESTP manipulate the conversation to get him to respond thing (without realising untill after) and he sees it and thinks I am manipulating him in a negative way, refuses to conform and instead pushes my buttons to anger me.

I feel an extreme anger/frustration when I feel people do not understand me. When I am trying so hard to express myself and people don't take me seriously or get the wrong impression. I snap, say hurtfull things and get mad/attention seeking immature and stubborn.

It has only really got so worse recently. Once I become wound up, I then hate myself for getting wound up. I then tell myself I hate myself then I know that that's stupid and I get even more wound up. It's a viscious self hating/concious circle. It's almost as if I am insecure.

I hate it because it is giving me a terrible attitude towards the people I care about. It also gives me a terrible shame. I feel extreme embarrassment about who I am. 

It's usually people that I care about that effect me the most. I think I just care so much what they think of me that I become extremely paranoid.

My parents were never angry or abusive, I really have no excuse. I think it just may be to do with I am finding myself more than ever this year and trying to understand why I do things and be a better person. Sometimes it's too much when I feel so confused about myself and why I do the things I do. I do not tend to get violent towards other people. It is more like I sink into manic depression once something has blown my fuse, I then start over reacting and getting upset about 100 other things about myself and want to scream and throw a tantrum.


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