# Is being a hopeless romantic an NF thing?



## NFGeeks (Nov 13, 2012)

Sometimes I get lucky.


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## JamieK (Nov 12, 2012)

I'm 30 and definitely consider myself a romantic -- I didn't have my first meaningful relationship until I was 28! Part of what finally "clicked" was finding someone who I felt compelled to pursue (vs. being receptive / responding to interest from women), and the other part was me "learning to love" by being vulnerable with someone and open to compromise. I'm still thankful for my early relationships, as they helped me refine what I wanted in a partner and ensured that I would be ready to act when I found her... But it's definitely refreshing to know that that feeling you're searching for is out there!


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

Yes. *sighs*

I have had the pleasure of experiencing something that was very very close to my ideal of romance.

I'm not seeing her anymore though. Sometimes I want to call her and tell her what an unreasonable bitch she is. But then I just think back of those moments and I melt again trying to hold back my tears. I think I should just be glad to have had this experience and hope that I will experience something likewise in the future. It's worth waiting for.


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## Tonimiko (Oct 16, 2011)

I still am. 8D


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## 47072 (Oct 1, 2012)

Ah romance, there`s a thing! I am and think always will be the romantic type-I don`t care hold old you are-if you experience it- it is totally amazing!!!!!


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## moondog (Oct 3, 2012)

Because the quest of the shining knight is one of beauty and martyrdom for the princess far away. Once the reality is seized the hero risks climax. A visionary can never have climax. It is in this realm that the prospect of a single kiss, even it be the last, can reach an emotional ecstasy far beyond that than eternal pleasure of the physical. 

In my short time I have found romance and the commitment to actual relationships to be two very separate things.


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## birds (Nov 29, 2012)

I'll admit it, I'm a hopeless romantic.. And I can't see that just going away as I mature and get older.  But hey, you never know!


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## Nemotheelvenpanda (Nov 25, 2012)

I am one, sadly. I've never dated, never been in a real relationship, and never really kissed out of love. I want it all, but I can never seem to have it all. It's like someone wants to keep me alone forever.


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## JamieK (Nov 12, 2012)

Nemotheelvenpanda said:


> I am one, sadly. I've never dated, never been in a real relationship, and never really kissed out of love. I want it all, but I can never seem to have it all. It's like someone wants to keep me alone forever.


Be patient. I was virtually relationship-less until my mid twenties due to insecurity and lack of confidence. I tried to be an athlete, lifted weights and worked on my physical appearance, and drank hoping that it'd transform me into a smooth operator... And none of these efforts impacted my ability to find a relationship. 

It wasn't until I looked internally to understand who I was vs. who I was "supposed" to be that I began to engage in real relationships. Over time I've embraced my idiosyncrasies and now see many of them--bookish, strong listener--as reasons why people would want to date me (and not the opposite).


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## Nemotheelvenpanda (Nov 25, 2012)

JamieK said:


> Be patient. I was virtually relationship-less until my mid twenties due to insecurity and lack of confidence. I tried to be an athlete, lifted weights and worked on my physical appearance, and drank hoping that it'd transform me into a smooth operator... And none of these efforts impacted my ability to find a relationship.
> 
> It wasn't until I looked internally to understand who I was vs. who I was "supposed" to be that I began to engage in real relationships. Over time I've embraced my idiosyncrasies and now see many of them--bookish, strong listener--as reasons why people would want to date me (and not the opposite).


I've waited for years already, and I'm in college and I still can't find one. Although I want to agree with you, being gay puts you at a demographic and social disadvantage at finding someone. It's just not looking bright for me, since I can't even find anyone on campus no less.


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## JamieK (Nov 12, 2012)

Nemotheelvenpanda said:


> I've waited for years already, and I'm in college and I still can't find one. Although I want to agree with you, being gay puts you at a demographic and social disadvantage at finding someone. It's just not looking bright for me, since I can't even find anyone on campus no less.


I totally hear you and wish I could give you a hug! Do you have any hobbies to rally around? Finding folks to play music with was always a way for me to connect with folks...


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## Nemotheelvenpanda (Nov 25, 2012)

JamieK said:


> I totally hear you and wish I could give you a hug! Do you have any hobbies to rally around? Finding folks to play music with was always a way for me to connect with folks...


I'm a bit of a nerd, I like video games, books, DnD, but not many things I would call hobbies, other than my compulsive daydreaming. I tend to do what my friends do, like Magic the Gathering along with going to events. I'm somewhat of a chameleon when it comes to hobbies and I'm normally open to new things, but on my own, I just go to libraries a few times a month and play video games, read, write most often. Sometimes I visit museums or eat out once in a blue moon, but that's basically it. My life is not very exciting or eventful.


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## JamieK (Nov 12, 2012)

Nemotheelvenpanda said:


> I'm a bit of a nerd, I like video games, books, DnD, but not many things I would call hobbies, other than my compulsive daydreaming. I tend to do what my friends do, like Magic the Gathering along with going to events. I'm somewhat of a chameleon when it comes to hobbies and I'm normally open to new things, but on my own, I just go to libraries a few times a month and play video games, read, write most often. Sometimes I visit museums or eat out once in a blue moon, but that's basically it. My life is not very exciting or eventful.


Well, it's awesome that you have buddies to hang out with! I hope that they keep your spirits up, so that when you bump into a potential partner you'll be able to let your bookish, nerdy awesomeness shine! As I mentioned earlier in this post, I didn't have my first meaningful relationship until I was 28, and the relationship began as a result of a super extroverted woman sitting next to me on a bus to a grad school event.


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## snowbell (Apr 2, 2012)

I don't know about it being an NF thing but I'm definitely a hopeless romantic haha.


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## Nemotheelvenpanda (Nov 25, 2012)

JamieK said:


> Well, it's awesome that you have buddies to hang out with! I hope that they keep your spirits up, so that when you bump into a potential partner you'll be able to let your bookish, nerdy awesomeness shine! As I mentioned earlier in this post, I didn't have my first meaningful relationship until I was 28, and the relationship began as a result of a super extroverted woman sitting next to me on a bus to a grad school event.


Not to sound impatient, but I don't want to wait till I'm 28 years old for my first relationship. I'm tired of being alone seeing my friends hook up all the time, or have my crushes fall out of my hands for things beyond my control, or hear stories about past relationships that sound like they're from heaven. I've waited so long for someone to come along, and every time where I think I'm close, I feel more worse than I did before. Yes, having friends helps, but feeling good can only go so far if I can't meet anyone. I'm at a disadvantage purely because of where I live and what my preferences are. I just don't know how much longer I can handle it without going jaded.


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## JamieK (Nov 12, 2012)

Hmm. What do you think are the things in your control that can help the situation then? Visit folks in a different geography to see if that helps? Can you ask friends for introductions? ... I'm just brainstorming here...


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## Infermiera (Mar 2, 2012)

i'm not an NF but i'm a hopeless romantic. i used to be good at creative writing in highschool so some of my friends ask me to write love letters for them. at one point, i wrote love letters for 2 of my friends who like each other. so basically, i was answering my own letters. i wrote the letters in a way that their relationship could move forward and it did. they were together for a while.


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## Nemotheelvenpanda (Nov 25, 2012)

JamieK said:


> Hmm. What do you think are the things in your control that can help the situation then? Visit folks in a different geography to see if that helps? Can you ask friends for introductions? ... I'm just brainstorming here...


And thank you very much for doing so, but I just can't see a way out of this. I had a friend wingman for me and that failed horribly since there seems to be no one compatible with me and I'm too shy to approach anyone, and I can't go anywhere because I can't afford it. All I can do so far is what I've been doing, wait for that someone to show up, if he ever does. Again, I'm really thankful for your encouraging words, but situation doesn't seen be going anywhere soon.


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## MooOfTheCow (Aug 14, 2011)

I don't know, but people shouldn't frown upon it. Take away 'romantic' and you're left with just 'hopeless'.


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## CrystallineSheep (Jul 8, 2012)

I appreciate romance and I don't just see it full of sexual relationships and whatnot. Romance is anything connected with love on many scales. I can't help it. I love romance. But the problem is that romance has a bad connotation to it as being sappy and weak due to some dumb books and movies that have come out so its hard to admit to being a romantic person.


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## Bear987 (May 13, 2012)

NFGeeks said:


> and then has this added depth, almost mystical element.


Exactly! Mystical element is the right word for it, because I cannot find the words to express the way I at times feel about people. Which is a little weird, because since I don't want to lie in any way to the people I love, I end up not saying anything to the people I care for.

At first I thought that love is magical to everyone, but now that I am older I know better. Most people love others for shallow reasons and in shallow ways. Well, shallow in my opinion - as in, their rationale would never be sufficient for me. Now I think maybe me and my mystical feelings will remain single for ever. :sad:


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## keepondreaming (Dec 10, 2012)

Yeah, am a really idealistic and hopeless romantic.

Maybe when I'm an adult, it'll be different.

But, well, I've never had a boyfriend... and now I suddenly thought of that whores thread in ENFP forum.


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