# Why are couples jealous of single people?



## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

So I learned this is apparently a common thing. That married/coupled women and men are jealous or hold animosity towards single friends for being Single. I use to have a coworker who would give me so much hate for the simple fact that I was single. I also had a lot of nice things but the thing is I never buy nice things for what they cost. For example I will go shopping at a thrift store or discount center and buy high end products for a discount. I have found jackets, watches, shoes that realistically would cost a couple 100$ for like 20 dollars a piece. Which if you are smart with your money, 20$ is not gonna kill you. The thing is I was also making a lot less money so this is basically saying "I wish I was poor like you". Which really does not make any sense. Why are married people so bitter? Why bother getting married when you going to hate that you did it?


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

They're not, unless they're unhappily married. If they are, being single and having freedom with your money and time is probably beyond any worth.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

Whippit said:


> They're not, unless they're unhappily married. If they are, being single and having freedom with your money and time is probably beyond any worth.


Pretty much. 
If you’re miserable coupled/married, you’ll envy single people.
If you’re miserable single, you’ll envy couples and married people. Grass is greener a such.

Happy people are too busy living their lives.


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## Negotiator (Mar 15, 2018)

I'm not envious. I mean, I'm gonna need a partner for the mortgage and all 😉


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

Everything is a trade-off, some people are happier with their trades than others.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

I think the married people need to spill the beans here.

_sits and waits_


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Bella2016 said:


> I think the married people need to spill the beans here.
> 
> _sits and waits_


Because it's not true? The OP took one example of an unhappy couple then extrapolated that all couples are jealous of single people. In all honesty, there has only been exactly one time when I felt a slight twang of jealousy of a single person. The guy was dating an entire group of highly desirable women with a new woman every night. I wouldn't even say it was jealousy but more of envy. Also, I had already forgotten about it by the time the meeting was over and I was happily walking home with my wife.

So for me it simply isn't true which is why I didn't bother replying.


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## Sinuous (Jun 18, 2021)

Not true as a generalization
However, when they do get jealous it’s likely because they feel like they’re “caged”
Which implies:
they’re not happy together


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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Because it's not true? The OP took one example of an unhappy couple then extrapolated that all couples are jealous of single people. In all honesty, there has only been exactly one time when I felt a slight twang of jealousy of a single person. The guy was dating an entire group of highly desirable women with a new woman every night. I wouldn't even say it was jealousy but more of envy. Also, I had already forgotten about it by the time the meeting was over and I was happily walking home with my wife.
> 
> So for me it simply isn't true which is why I didn't bother replying.


Well, actually I thought it was perhaps just a single incident until I found several articles complaining of this problem happening among others. So I just kind of why there is so much animosity towards single people in general.

Which if there is articles, surveys and data which is looking into this its clearly not a ONE person thing. If you are coupled or married shouldn't you be happy? How are people NOT happy when they actively made a choice to date and marry these people?


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

MisterDexter said:


> Well, actually I thought it was perhaps just a single incident until I found several articles complaining of this problem happening among others. So I just kind of why there is so much animosity towards single people in general.
> 
> Which if there is articles, surveys and data which is looking into this its clearly not a ONE person thing. If you are coupled or married shouldn't you be happy? How are people NOT happy when they actively made a choice to date and marry these people?


The only couples I've ever seen be jealous of single people are two people who never should have married to begin with. ie: Unhappily married. A couple who are happily married would never have a reason to be jealous of a single person. I wouldn't say I feel sorry for single people either as some people really aren't interested in a relationship and/or don't want to share their time and money with another person. For such a person, they're probably happily single.

To me, that's not a lifestyle I'd enjoy. I've always been a relationship oriented and I've always hated the dating game, so being married to someone whom I can see spending the rest of my life with is rare and worth it.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

I don't understand how you relate thrift store purchases to animosity from people "because they are married".


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## molokub (Oct 26, 2021)

I dont think so


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## Venika (Oct 25, 2021)

I don't think so they are jealous of single people. They need to accept certain things when in a relationship, who fails to accept end up thinking about the benefits of being single. With every new relationship, you make come new responsibilities, which we have to fulfill for a healthy relationship. Single people have their own set of problems, which they are unable to figure and deal with. So whether we are in a relationship or single, we must figure out what is our problem?


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## JimT (May 31, 2010)

In support of the OP:

I'm a singleton for the last 10-15 years. And sometimes even with happily married couples, you get the "third wheel syndrome." You socialize with couples as a "third wheel," and sometimes it evokes weird reactions. They get resentful that you haven't gotten with the plan and married up again. The husband might worry that you're a competitor for his wife; the wife might worry that you'll put ideas in her husband's head about divorcing her.

So it's not jealousy, per se. It's more about not fitting in. Couples can feel threatened by singletons, in my experience. For example, sometimes you get the married couples that try to "fix you up" with a friend. And they can get quite irritable when you turn down their suggestions.

Especially as you get older, it generally makes more sense for singletons to hang with other singles. But that can have its dangers too. As you get older, a lot of older women get pretty aggressive about locking down eligible bachelors. So that can get touchy too. And most singles groups are mixed-gender. Men aren't allowed to have their own male-only organizations and lodges; the feminists literally made that stuff illegal.

So I guess it's just the modern world. A lot of walking on eggshells trying to keep everyone happy. C'est la vie.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Other than being unhappily married which other people have mentioned, another factor is that for many people the social norm is to be in a relationship or married, and because of how their personality works, they innately undervalue the outlier and maybe even pressure them, in some ways, to conform to that status norm. It may come from their own need to be within the norm, a form of validation for living their lives "properly" and it can be independent from relationship happiness.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

We’re most definitely not - more so if we’re happy in our committed relationship lol 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

Definitely gotta be all that extra space in the fridge and cupboards.


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

Although I have experienced this attitude towards me. It is a lot more nuanced, than made out here, or so I think anyway:

a) People in UNHAPPY relationships
b) People who are in relationships because they believe it is "the right thing to do".
c) Guys in relationships (probably unhappy) who think they are "missing out" when they hear about/see a single person living a lifestyle they wish they could have or believed they should of had.

Are people in happy relationships bothered? probably not
Are people in relationships jealous of single people, whom they view as creepy/weird? Probably not


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

ai.tran.75 said:


> We’re most definitely not - more so if we’re happy in our committed relationship lol
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


What negative feeling/thoughts do you or other married couples have towards single people that single people could be mistaking as jealousy?

You probably won't want to answer, but this is what the OP seems to be asking.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

circle_of_power said:


> Although I have experienced this attitude towards me. It is a lot more nuanced, than made out here, or so I think anyway:
> 
> a) People in UNHAPPY relationships
> b) People who are in relationships because they believe it is "the right thing to do".
> ...


Creepy/ weird...
When I tell people I have a boyfriend (I do and I'm female myself), they react "I had no idea" and their whole attitude towards me changes. Not sure what they were thinking about me before I told them this.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

HAL said:


> I don't understand how you relate thrift store purchases to animosity from people "because they are married".


I couldn't work this out either.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Bella2016 said:


> I couldn't work this out either.


Perhaps the married couple was also judgmental about the possessions--the OP owning higher-quality goods while making less money.

And I think that's probably more individual to that couple than to married people in general.

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In my experience, married people do not seem to be jealous of single people though perhaps those who don't appreciate their SO are more likely. It sounds like a "grass is greener" thing.

I have had married people seem to desperately want to set me up with people so I won't be single, but I think it has to do with them wanting to expand their social circle and have more in common/more friends.

One tried to set me up with her neighbor for months and just the fact that he was her neighbor made my skin crawl, because you know she'd just be eavesdropping and trying to pick out all the personal details about my life and using the relationship for gossip. That is about as far from my idea of romantic as can be. lol Not because she was married, but because she found it entertaining, I assume. But um...if you can tell me about the fights he had with his last "crazy girlfriend" after overhearing them through his window, I'm not super enthusiastic in being your next cheap gossip.


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

Just want to add another experience of my own to this.

Married friends who the minute you meet someone or go on a date, ask if you are going to marry them. Like yeah, after meeting someone or one date, I am going to arrange a trip to Gretna Green or Vegas as my second date.

Ironically, the people in question did not ask their SO to marry them on their second date or between first or second date.


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

I would taotally ask someone to marry after a first dayte.


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## New Englander (Jul 27, 2020)

People have been smeared over their singleness especially women. They are prostitutes for simply dining alone. Or enjoying a good drink; Even called pedis. Guys can get the pedo thing too. Some couples are very smug and this is not a lie. I have experienced some of it. I have heard single people even jailed or institutionalized, especially women. Because some still consider old fashion psychology and bible thumping that single woman is an aberration and unnatural. I bet there are more than some. They just chose to stay quiet. I had a life, this cafe I go to had tons of single people of both genders and different ages. I was going there for the longest time then my world turned upside down and suddenly it was a big deal but not for the others. At least later, they just stuck to me. I really don't know if it's the Cafe that did it, that would seem odd but a whiney stalker. Also, there is babies that come into play you won't have then if you stay single and have done from the start. I have actually seen people called selfish for not wanting either and in a rage. Religion also comes into it. They really think they are: better" people and should be rewarded. Some of them.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

edit: double post (also sorry--my post is so incredibly dumb. I think I drank too much caffeine today)


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

> I would taotally ask someone to marry after a first dayte.


This is how I married all my five ex husbands. I gave them a date (like the dried kind) and then I said "tricked you! you had a date from me so now we're married."

When they contested this, I reminded them that their shirt was cut too low, which means that we are already married too b/c showing skin = dating me and dating me = marriage.

And now I have alimony from FIVE EX HISBAJDNS


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Eh. I've been married for 7 and in a relationship for about 11. Outside of having the misfortune of interacting with some rather rude single people online (particularly incels), I have never had a bad feeling towards any single person IRL because most people I've met are well adjusted. Why would I be jealous of someone wholesome and happy with their life doing what they want to do?


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

Also, going back a while to a relationship I had. It was pretty toxic. I made some bad decisions in dating her and staying with her, fair one, its on me. 

But anyway. According to my "friend" who asks after a date if I am going to marry the girl or sometimes before the date, when I was in that toxic relationship, it was the "happiest he has ever seen me". Ironically, we hardly had anything to do with each other whilst I was in that relationship, so how the hell would he know if I was happy or not (I wasn't).

So yeah, married friends "can" be annoying. Interestingly, I only experience this sort of attitude from guys who are obviously not in happy relationships (not allowed their own hobbies, not allowed to see friends, etc).


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

i have circumvent all those type of headache by simply not have any frends



WickerDeer said:


> This is how I married all my five ex husbands. I gave them a date (like the dried kind) and then I said "tricked you! you had a date from me so now we're married."
> 
> When they contested this, I reminded them that their shirt was cut too low, which means that we are already married too b/c showing skin = dating me and dating me = marriage.
> 
> And now I have alimony from FIVE EX HISBAJDNS


dId YoU jUsT pRoPoSeD tO mE?? 😍






















yes yEs YESS!!!!!11


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

Alternatively: one of my husband's friends has texted to ask me if my husband could go see him..... And i was like da fuc? I am not his mother. I don't control what he does and doesn't do? Ask him? I was genuinely so confused by that interaction. 

*it turns out that: *
His friend would ask husband to come by and drink/play video games. Husband would say no because he wanted to go home and hangout with me. Friend somehow interpreted that as me not wanting him to go without me or stepping in (in his defense, there are a lot of boomer humour jokes about this. Like i think an entire chappel comedy sketch was women being pissed if their man had fun with out her if I'm remembering correctly. It could have been another comedian). So he took that as like "when he was single he came over a lot more, so she is probably preventing that". I have no problem with my husband seeing friends. Hell, I've suggested it on so many occasions. It's just that we really like each other and he'd usually rather hangout with me than drink and play video games without me being there. 

so that friend might view that as "harpy, naggy wife controlling husband's movements and not letting him go out and so husband is jealous of the single life". In reality I don't mind him going to see friends and make that clear. I've also hung out with friends without husband. Like that's not an issue. He just thinks I'm more fun to be around and I can't really help that. 

so it's possible its a projection.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

After that interaction I've made a habit of inviting his friends over if he's not going over to them, and also suggesting he plays video games online with friends still. 

That's probably just part of being married to an intp. If you can't push em out the door, bring the door to them. Lol


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

I’ve been on both sides. I was very blissfully married for 20 years and had both single and married friends. No problem. After my husband died (cancer) I suddenly became a slut, without interacting with anyone!

Those saying, “well, maybe unhappy couples” said a mouthful. I got/still get the distinct impression that many marrieds my age are miserable married, but stick with it due to kids, religion, family pressure. So, for them, grass is WAY greener for us unhitched folks. More than that, though, wives got VERY insecure once I was widowed. News flash! The only husband I want is MINE, and that’s not happening in this lifetime. I know THEY think their dude is all that, but not necessarily everyone does. 

Weird part? I lost most of my married friends following my spouse’s death (how kind of them, right?), BUT, gained just as many new married friends. So, it had a lot more to do with people remembering me married or, maybe our precancer married friends were horribly insecure. My take: Marrieds and singles can get along fine if relationally healthy people are involved.


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## 497882 (Nov 6, 2017)

Zster said:


> I’ve been on both sides. I was very blissfully married for 20 years and had both single and married friends. No problem. After my husband died (cancer) I suddenly became a slut, without interacting with anyone!
> 
> Those saying, “well, maybe unhappy couples” said a mouthful. I got/still get the distinct impression that many marrieds my age are miserable married, but stick with it due to kids, religion, family pressure. So, for them, grass is WAY greener for us unhitched folks. More than that, though, wives got VERY insecure once I was widowed. News flash! The only husband I want is MINE, and that’s not happening in this lifetime. I know THEY think their dude is all that, but not necessarily everyone does.
> 
> Weird part? I lost most of my married friends following my spouse’s death (how kind of them, right?), BUT, gained just as many new married friends. So, it had a lot more to do with people remembering me married or, maybe our precancer married friends were horribly insecure. My take: Marrieds and singles can get along fine if relationally healthy people are involved.


I am sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathy's


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## ricericebaby (Aug 18, 2017)

Single people and married people are rarely jealous of each other unless they are wildly dissatisfied with their own lives for one reason or another. When they are jealous of each other, it is typically in equal measure; I have never observed that one group is more particularly jealous than the other. 

I have noticed that less often that jealousy, single and married friends and social circles drift apart from each other because they are in different times of life, and people tend to seek out people who they they can relate to and find support from. It is hard sometimes for a single person to relate to the position of someone in a committed relationship, and vice versa. The woes of maintaining a healthy relationship with a partner are different from the woes of negotiating the dating pool. The same thing is true of couples with and without children. 

Not that I think that people should allow that to happen - maintaining relationships with people in different walks of life makes you better rounded than having only one kind of social circle, regardless of your own personal status.


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## ENFPathetic (Apr 3, 2018)

Zster said:


> I’ve been on both sides. I was very blissfully married for 20 years and had both single and married friends. No problem. After my husband died (cancer) I suddenly became a slut, without interacting with anyone!
> 
> Those saying, “well, maybe unhappy couples” said a mouthful. I got/still get the distinct impression that many marrieds my age are miserable married, but stick with it due to kids, religion, family pressure. So, for them, grass is WAY greener for us unhitched folks. More than that, though, wives got VERY insecure once I was widowed. News flash! The only husband I want is MINE, and that’s not happening in this lifetime. I know THEY think their dude is all that, but not necessarily everyone does.
> 
> Weird part? I lost most of my married friends following my spouse’s death (how kind of them, right?), BUT, gained just as many new married friends. So, it had a lot more to do with people remembering me married or, maybe our precancer married friends were horribly insecure. My take: Marrieds and singles can get along fine if relationally healthy people are involved.


I can't stand people like that. Bitter, gossip merchants who don't have an honest bone in their body.

Anyway. I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm glad you've made better friends.


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## 569239/ (Nov 1, 2021)

497882 said:


> So I learned this is apparently a common thing. That married/coupled women and men are jealous or hold animosity towards single friends for being Single. I use to have a coworker who would give me so much hate for the simple fact that I was single. I also had a lot of nice things but the thing is I never buy nice things for what they cost. For example I will go shopping at a thrift store or discount center and buy high end products for a discount. I have found jackets, watches, shoes that realistically would cost a couple 100$ for like 20 dollars a piece. Which if you are smart with your money, 20$ is not gonna kill you. The thing is I was also making a lot less money so this is basically saying "I wish I was poor like you". Which really does not make any sense. Why are married people so bitter? Why bother getting married when you going to hate that you did it?


and yet it seems single people want to be a couple.go figure ..people are crazy if only we knew what each other was thinking.life would be a little easier . of course then some would have to work harder to try and screw the rest of us. American dream " screw others before they screw you." sad to say


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

daleks_exterminate said:


> Alternatively: one of my husband's friends has texted to ask me if my husband could go see him..... And i was like da fuc? I am not his mother. I don't control what he does and doesn't do? Ask him? I was genuinely so confused by that interaction.
> 
> *it turns out that: *
> His friend would ask husband to come by and drink/play video games. Husband would say no because he wanted to go home and hangout with me. Friend somehow interpreted that as me not wanting him to go without me or stepping in (in his defense, there are a lot of boomer humour jokes about this. Like i think an entire chappel comedy sketch was women being pissed if their man had fun with out her if I'm remembering correctly. It could have been another comedian). So he took that as like "when he was single he came over a lot more, so she is probably preventing that". I have no problem with my husband seeing friends. Hell, I've suggested it on so many occasions. It's just that we really like each other and he'd usually rather hangout with me than drink and play video games without me being there.
> ...


Thereds lots of running jokes about guys needing a pass from the wives to do anything with friends. In some cases it is true and probably vice versa (controlling husband types). Never mind when you have a friend that your p[partner thinks is below you and does not want you to socialise with them because "much social status". I don't k ow the full situation between your husbamd amd the friend in question, but thinking "harpy, naggy wife controlling husband's movements and not letting him go out and so husband is jealous of the single life", maybe an easier pill to swallow than "friend no longer wants anything to do with me". Like I say I don't know the full situation, so some assumptions being made here.


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