# NF males: what are your experiences with sexism/gender roles/culture?



## Philosophaser Song Boy (Jan 16, 2011)

chinook07 said:


> Trust me, most girls might not approach you BUT there are some who will. You will find an ENFx or whatever else does you fancy that will find you attractive. The best things in life are worth waiting for!


Thank you sir, now to just figure out how to reel them in. Make myself open to let them go out on the limb for a change. Down with traditional gender roles!


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## Justin Opmeer (Jul 7, 2012)

*Do you feel at odds with what society expects of your gender?*
No, I'm easily able to look past something so subjective as expectations. I'm a gentleman. That's still a man.


*Do you feel that "gender roles" have shaped the way you developed? For better or for worse?*
Yes, it made me look into the physical part of it. At a young age I was annoyed by feminists trying to attain equality and then turn around and claim that they're just little girls. It made me realize that a man is supposed to protect rather than serve. Not that he shouldn't serve at all, but be the rock. Every woman wants a man to and deep down every man wants to feel like that.


*Have you ever felt ashamed of your personality? Why?*
Yes, often. I truly have _never_, and I mean it, met someone who's on the same page as me. Same priorities and life expectancies. I've always found that if I do not defend my standpoint it will be torn down. I did not know how to cope with this when I was younger, which resulted in me basically denying my own views for the sake of harmony, increasing the lack of harmony inside of me. 


*Have you ever been insulted, discriminated against, or estranged for being who you are?*
I have a thick skin, so I've always been one to argue. I've never been alienated because if I did decide to show a part of me, then I did that for me. Good people see that and appreciate that.


*Do you associate better with females?*
No. Women give me a lot of anxiety, but that stems from not wanting to crash and burn while they find out I'm not a macho-macho-man, do not wanna be a macho-man.


*Do you have more female or male friends?*
Male


*How have you dealt with the disparity between your gender and culture?*
Cause a lot of fits, become non-conforming and build my own culture. :tongue:


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## frenchie (Jul 7, 2011)

Great thread and a question that I was pondering not too long ago. Here's my contribution:

*Do you feel at odds with what society expects of your gender?

*When I was younger I did. I did not have any real male role model growing up and was raised by a singe mom. I love her quite a bit, but I would never want anyone to have to experience the stress she had to deal with. 

Nowadays, i'm much more in line with typical standard gender roles although I still find them stupid. They hinder people, but I've noticed as a male if I want to be taken seriously I have to adhere to them. That includes, dress, body language, and overall attitude which to be honest makes sense. I wouldn't take someone seriously who was whimsical too.

*Do you feel that "gender roles" have shaped the way you developed? For better or for worse?
*Eh, I guess my type and enneagram helped a bit in that. When I was younger I definitely thought like a girl. Cared too much about what others thought of me and had way more girly mannerisms. Can't really hate what you were given with, but it really screwed with me up until my junior year of college. Secretly I'll admit there was a time when I had a mild misogynistic streak in me yet I loved talking and being around women.*Have you ever felt ashamed of your personality? Why?
*All the damn time. I love the woman in my life, but there is nothing worse than being an emasculated male. It may work for some guys, but it always frustrated me. I hope every little boy has a good male role model in his life. I love my mother, but there are somethings that were told to me by her that are really misinterpreted in the male/female way of talking. Basically, ask a woman what she wants in a guy and you'll get all sorts of funny answers that are nowhere near the truth. To know what a woman wants and to be a leader, you need another male to tell you that. Sadly, it was all on my own to get that.

*Have you ever been insulted, discriminated against, or estranged for being who you are?
*All the time. It made high school hell and college worse. All of it was a learning experience though, and it certainly pushed me to prove myself against the opinions of others. I always wanted to be taken seriously and in my efforts to discover how to do that, I had a friend recently tell me that I am intimidating as hell. For a guy that's 6ft 180lbs that was one of the best compliments anyone could ever pay me. I went back to my college recently and you can tell in people's faces and attitudes that you've changed. I like it.. a lot.

*Do you associate better with females?*
I used to say yes, but nowadays it depends on the woman. Men though it seems to be 95% there. Women are a funny breed. But I love women. I love making them laugh, blush, giggle, etc. 

*Do you have more female or male friends?
*Close friends all happen to be male. Here in my new life in my new city, it appears to be split between males and females.*

How have you dealt with the disparity between your gender and culture?
*By not being ashamed of being a man. I really have stopped caring about being politically correct and the like, but not being rude. I've embraced the differences and frankly the gender divide is quite nice. I can roll with the punches of both women and men. I like the NF perspective I get well probably enneagram type 9 empathy perspective. I'm really good at helping people through their issues when they need help and I do it in a way that's more of a swift kick in the ass rather than all touchy feely. 

I've recently started becoming very dominant in who I am and not afraid to tell people what I really think. I like this attitude, obviously not being rude about it, but I am very aware of where my boundaries fall and when they are crossed.


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## Iustinus (Jun 13, 2012)

Aku said:


> Do you feel at odds with what society expects of your gender?


Quite frequently, yes. I don't qualify as overly macho, and, despite my best efforts, I'm not so great at suppressing my emotions. During recess, I'd meditate on a boulder instead of playing soccer with the boys. On occasion, I've been reprimanded for my lack of virility.



> Do you feel that "gender roles" have shaped the way you developed? For better or for worse?


Definitely. My Presbyterian primary school heavily emphasized gender roles, so much that I thought them sexist. For example, in the lunch line, girls were to receive their lunches before boys, without exception. I felt that was oppressive. People aren't fundamentally different across the gender line, so yes, I think "gender roles" are developmentally pejorative.



> Have you ever felt ashamed of your personality? Why?


Sometimes. I don't know if that's my INFP nature or my general social apprehensions. I've always seen myself as a pariah, so to speak.



> Have you ever been insulted, discriminated against, or estranged for being who you are?


A few times. The homophobic middle school classmates would call me names. I don't think they were prejudiced, though. They hated everyone equally.



> Do you associate better with females?


I find a little apprehension when talking to females, honestly. I worry that I can't maintain a totally platonic relationship. I'm also worried I might unintentionally harm their feelings. I've been taught that I must treat people differently according to gender (engrained in me by, of course, the Presbyterian school), and I feel like I can be myself around fellow males more than females. Thankfully, the paranoia has decreased over the past few years.



> Do you have more female or male friends?


About 50/50.



> How have you dealt with the disparity between your gender and culture?


I'm myself. Culture can accept or reject that.


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## Killer Suit (Sep 25, 2012)

*Do you feel at odds with what society expects of your gender?*

At times, yes, at times, no. I never had much of an interest when it came to screwing every chick within five miles, I never really got into the hyper-competitive "OH MY GAWD U SUK N WIL DY ALON BECUZ I'M BETTAR N ON THYNG" attitude.


*Do you feel that "gender roles" have shaped the way you developed? For better or for worse?*

I was raised to be rational, able, smart, and firm. All more traditional male aspects.

My own emotional, sometimes effeminate person, not so much. 
At least I didn't turn into some skulking shitheel who assumes everyone owes them a living and treats their peers/family like scum. So I'll say "for the better." 

*Have you ever felt ashamed of your personality? Why?

*All the time. I can't really pull out of anything and be "reasonable." I jump from scatter-brained, intuitive, emotional me, to concrete, realistic me, to logical, intuitive me. This has led to rather odd titles such as the "Voice of Reason"
*
Do you associate better with females?

*I don't really know. :/ The few friends I have that I'm comfortable with and consider me their good friends are all male, but women see something in me. (My ISTP best friend notices this too.)


*Do you have more female or male friends?
*Male


*How have you dealt with the disparity between your gender and culture?*

"Balls to you, you short-sighted twit!" Is my signature line.


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