# This is Why I Don't Want Children



## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

Do you still want children now? I 90% never wanted kids, still kind of don't. And this was just ... No thanks.


What was the nail in the coffin for you guys not wanting children?


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

I never wanted children. I had one (unplanned), and it was way worse than I ever imagined. If you don’t want children, stand your ground.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> That poor, poor mother! (I only watched half the video)


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

I never really felt the desire to have children and after spending time with my nephew and niece since they were born I want them even less. My family unit is sort of an extended model as my aunt's fam and grandma were always nearby so we were all raised together and I'm close to my cousins. Just nothing about this responsibility is desirable to me and I take raising a human very seriously. That being said, sleeping with your infant is not the best idea so what they're doing there is not something you would have to do if you had a kid just saying. I'm at an age when I know enough ppl with kids and this is just a nono, best practice is to teach the kid to sleep alone and have downtime at night asap.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

Dude here, and I didn't really think much about it until a few years ago when I ended up in one of those deep thinking loops about kids and marriage and ultimately came to the conclusion that I don't want either. I find most kids annoying, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, my values are always changing so instilling values in a kid is kinda pointless especially when the real world eats your values alive, I don't see a point in carrying on the family name, and to me marriage is just a contract that actually takes away trust more than it enhances it. Not exactly my idea of a close relationship.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

islandlight said:


> I never wanted children. I had one (unplanned), and it was way worse than I ever imagined. If you don’t want children, stand your ground.


Yes. I can be loving but I don't have the patience and if I had a kid I wouldn't want to be a horrible mother, so I'm better off not having them. It really isn't for everyone. I would have been hard for you.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

Red Panda said:


> I never really felt the desire to have children and after spending time with my nephew and niece since they were born I want them even less. My family unit is sort of an extended model as my aunt's fam and grandma were always nearby so we were all raised together and I'm close to my cousins. Just nothing about this responsibility is desirable to me and I take raising a human very seriously. That being said, sleeping with your infant is not the best idea so what they're doing there is not something you would have to do if you had a kid just saying. I'm at an age when I know enough ppl with kids and this is just a nono, best practice is to teach the kid to sleep alone and have downtime at night asap.


Yes. I see where you're coming from, it is a big responsibility and I wouldn't want to fall short in that area. Do you feel like that too?

Yes, I've heard co sleeping is dangerous. It's common practice in Japan I've heard though.

Maybe that baby just had too much energy. Having nephews and nieces you probably no some can run around all day, and still rub around at night..😅 https://c.tenor.com/ME_Wj7Djmp4AAAAC/hyper.gif


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

intranst said:


> Dude here, and I didn't really think much about it until a few years ago when I ended up in one of those deep thinking loops about kids and marriage and ultimately came to the conclusion that I don't want either. I find most kids annoying, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, my values are always changing so instilling values in a kid is kinda pointless especially when the real world eats your values alive, I don't see a point in carrying on the family name, and to me marriage is just a contract that actually takes away trust more than it enhances it. Not exactly my idea of a close relationship.


Definitely.
People could say we're selfish, I mean, yeah I guess we are, but at least we're self aware enough to know that we might not be the best parents? Because there's some kids that have really bad parents and it's sad... I don't want to have a kid and end up in that situation.


All of this can make me appreciate more what my parents did for me. I must have been so annoying 😅. Personal space would have been nonexistent.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

I have a low stress tolerance. I require a simple life to at least be kinda happy. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. I've tried and failed at taking care of pets and plants, but certainly not because I didn't care.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

Flabarac Brupip said:


> I have a low stress tolerance. I require a simple life to at least be kinda happy. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. I've tried and failed at taking care of pets and plants, but certainly not because I didn't care.


Lol I gave my neighbor my snake plant before it died and those aren’t exactly high maintenance.


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## sevmantic (9 mo ago)

once i realized where babies comes from i immediately dropped all thoughts of having them even through adoption i honestly cant deal with these tiny bastards lmao

ok plus less babies equals prevents the population from increasing so folks who dont want an offspring are basically helping


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

Children are like parasites. Attaching to the host and sucking every bit of life, energy, finances and patience out of otherwise healthy individuals. No thanks. 

*'Only reason we are on earth for is to reproduce', says Elon Musk's dad on siring secret child* with stepdaughter... Tesla and SpaceX owner, Elon Musk's 76-year-old father Errol Musk has revealed he had a secret second child, with his 35-year stepdaughter Jana Bezuidenhout three years ago.

I can think plenty of other reasons, great fantastic reasons to be on Earth, other than breeding like livestock.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

Never wanted children
tbh they creep me the fuck out
too much time/energy
it would mean zero alone time for me
not everyone is parental material


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## beth x (Mar 4, 2010)

That baby looks like they are at least a year old. It's a choice their parents made to cosleep at that age. I didn't enjoy having kids' feet up my nose either so I chose not to cosleep.

There are plenty of reasons not to have kids. That's just one of them. Having kids was one of the best thing I ever did but I don't blame people not wanting to have them.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> Yes. I see where you're coming from, it is a big responsibility and I wouldn't want to fall short in that area. Do you feel like that too?
> 
> Yes, I've heard co sleeping is dangerous. It's common practice in Japan I've heard though.
> 
> Maybe that baby just had too much energy. Having nephews and nieces you probably no some can run around all day, and still rub around at night..😅 https://c.tenor.com/ME_Wj7Djmp4AAAAC/hyper.gif


Yea and I think doing that would suck the life out of me way too much, not just because of the practical differences in lifestyle due to the sacrifices (which I don't wanna make) but also all the stress involved that I suspect would change me towards a direction I don't wanna go. I don't want to have to plan for all the things necessary to raise a kid, just doesn't sound appealing as a lifestyle for me.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

intranst said:


> Lol I gave my neighbor my snake plant before it died and those aren’t exactly high maintenance.





beth x said:


> That baby looks like they are at least a year old. It's a choice their parents made to cosleep at that age. I didn't enjoy having kids' feet up my nose either so I chose not to cosleep.
> 
> There are plenty of reasons not to have kids. That's just one of them. Having kids was one of the best thing I ever did but I don't blame people not wanting to have them.


Oh yes, it's just one reason. I do have other reasons but that was like the icing on the cake... 

I guess its different when you have the baby though because of the hormones.


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## Necrofantasia (Feb 26, 2014)

I don't want kids, but I don't think of them as parasites or demonize them like antinatalists often do. It's way too much vitriol towards what is ultimately a very clueless little meatbot getting their bearings.

I kinda theorize that this anti child sentiment is similar to how incels come to resent and mythologize women because their main exposure to them is through horror stories and second hand accounts on the internet.


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

sevmantic said:


> once i realized where babies comes from i immediately dropped all thoughts of having them


Tbh same, tho I have since reconsidered and now it seems a more complex issue
A lot would depend on the father of the kid(s), and I would prepare a legal contract for him to sign before agreeing to any child-bearing.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

Necrofantasia said:


> I don't want kids, but I don't think of them as parasites or demonize them like antinatalists often do. It's way too much vitriol towards what is ultimately a very clueless little meatbot getting their bearings.
> 
> I kinda theorize that this anti child sentiment is similar to how incels come to resent and mythologize women because their main exposure to them is through horror stories and second hand accounts on the internet.


Oh I don't think they're parasites or demons or anything! I know what you mean, people shouldn't base it off internet stories alone.

Personally I've just never felt inclined to it that's all.


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## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

I don't have a maternal instinct that is compelling enough to overcome the burden of pregnancy, and I have too much of an interest in independence and autonomy to be a good attachment figure for a child.

The nail in the coffin was when I was 13 years old and found an abandoned puppy that was too young to be away from its mother and near death. I took the puppy in and got it medical care to save its life, but it became so attached to me that it cried whenever I was away even just to go to the bathroom. It wanted to sleep in bed with me where I was terrified that I'd accidently suffocate it, but it would cry and cry if it couldn't cuddle close at night. It followed me everywhere and I hated it. I realized then I'd have a serious problem with raising children. After a couple weeks, I gave the puppy to a lonely old man who was happy to give the required attention.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

superloco3000 said:


> Who will create the future then...? You? Them?.


I should have reworded my thread title... 😅 That one video isn't the only reason why I don't want kids.

Its like I kind of want them, but don't at the same time. 



bearlybreathing said:


> I always grew up around fucked up families and decided that wasn't for me. When I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and learned that runs HEAVILY in my family that really reassured me that kids are not for me.
> 
> And someone give that baby a crib!
> 
> edit: just remembered when I worked as a ride operator my coworker said "this job is the best birth control" as she just got done yelling at a family for climbing over the chains that weren't even the entrance to the ride.


Depression and anxiety runs in my family so that's not a great predisposition... If I had a child and they came out INFP I would feel so bad.


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## TranscendingEnlightenment (7 mo ago)

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> That is definitely a reason I'm not sure about having children. They're going to come into a world of misery that's getting worse and control over the populous is at its peak.


A part of me wants children. But not in this world I live where my energy is so low. Not that I am hating on people who have children because of hoping for a better future. If only people could make the future brighter with happiness in this world.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

TranscendingEnlightenment said:


> A part of me wants children. But not in this world I live where my energy is so low. Not that I am hating on people who have children because of hoping for a better future. If only people could make the future brighter with happiness in this world.


Yes I feel the same.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

That video cracked me up. Like others said co-sleeping is a choice. I generally did not usually co-sleep with my children. Unless they were really sick, or we were traveling.

I did not plan my children. I had my daughters fairly young. Though I remember when I was in middle school and high school thinking I could not see myself having kids. That said I was never exactly an anti kid person. In fact I tended to be able to lead and care take many children from a very young age.

As for what kind of mother I became. Sorta bitter sweet.

I.e. I taught my kids how to dust off, rather than coddled. My daughters are very candid they both like and do not like certain aspects. They will be the first to say that because I do not like to manipulate organic emotions or enable, that I sometimes evade. When they just wanted a hug. They will also say that they appreciate my praise, recognition, and genuine input more than many, because I do not over do it. So they know it is authentic and sincere, and not myself trying to fulfill some internal need for emotional validation through them, nor buy them emotionally through inauthenticity. Both of my daughters say I am generally authentic, and sincere. Just sometimes crass or an asshole.

Anyways I think I am good at consistency, boundaries, authenticity etc. It is not that I never bonded with my kids. I just did not do it through breast feeding for 5 years, or co sleeping, or picking them up as soon as they fell, or cried. I bonded with them having many shared experiences, and conversations. From a young age I would often ask my kids what they thought. I also would not necessarily impose my opinion if they asked me what I thought about something. Instead I usually presented perspectives, so they could reflect. We went on many adventures always together. Still do.

So I guess my view, most parents suck at some stuff and are good at some stuff.

I suck at emotionally validating. Though I have gotten much better in the last few years. I am not as naturally nurturing as I would like to be. That said I am very comforting and soothing in general when intense hysteria is not involved, and make them feel safe. One thing I have constantly been told by my kids, and friends is that I treat my kids like people. A friend the other day commented how she liked that I said 'our' and 'we' when referring to our home. She said alot of parents say 'mine'.

While I have always set basic perimeters I thought were within age appropriateness, I also could never imagine referring to my children as what they can and cannot do into adulthood or outside age appropriateness. My youngest daughter is 15 she wanted to go to the movies with a friend. The friends dad said I HAD to go with to supervise. LMAO this was hysterical to me. Just to be clear I was not the parent that let their kids run wild doing whatever they want unsupervised. But WTF? Geezus. 15 is a year away from getting a license. Lol, and you want me to sit in the theatre? Eh ok dude. Talk about paranoid. I think 15 is WAY too old to be supervising at the theatre. Good grief.

My uncle just got irate with my cousin who is TWENTY FIVE for getting a tattoo. Uh WTF why on earth would a parent have their claws that deep into their ADULT child at the age of 25? By age 25 I was married and had two children. I cannot even fathom regulating my children's identities in such a way. That does not mean I approve of a silly tattoo my own daughter just got. But it is her body, not mine.

That said I have had major heartbreak and major major concerns. I have noticed many things faze out. It does not make it easier in the moment when you are worried about specifics with your kids, but I have learned to realize through even some of the help and support of a few people here most things correct themselves. Time. Parenting can be very emotionally taxing, have anguish, regrets. I am more focused on learning from where I lack, and embracing where I thrive. And relishing time I have with my kids where they are still predominantly in my life. It does not last forever. It goes fast.

I probably sucked in many ways as a mother. I made many mistakes, had I been better equipped I would have done different. That said, I was and am a kick ass parent. If you understand distinguishing the difference. Of all the adventures, and experiences I have had or will still have... I enjoy many with my kids the most. My sister commented the other day that while she thinks I will let my kids go responsibly to live their own life, that she can see me probably being the most heart broken when they leave the nest because of how much they have been my universe. I know I will lead a full life, and do things people should do in their empty nest etc. I think I will be able to travel quite a bit etc and lead a full life. I also think I probably will miss it, even if it was daunting and painful while often going through.

I can see myself being a really good grandma. Not just to my grandchild/children, but also in supporting my daughters. That is if either live near me etc. I would not necessarily be around 24/7 but I can see myself being a staple in a helpful supportive way. I do not see my daughters getting preggo too young or in near future. Both have birth control, and neither desire kids young. So I will not be a grandma anytime soon very likely. I have raised babies since I was a baby. My eldest daughter is now older than I was having her. When I see how young I view her, I think it is crazy I already had a baby at her age.

I remember on a trip my youngest not knowing the hotel room rolling all over me like a koala bear. It totally annoyed me that night. I would love to experience those tiny genuine outta no where cuddles again. Sometimes it is the things that drive us bonkers we later miss.  I even think back fondly to when we were camping and she was being a koala bear and barfed in my face at 3am on the north shore miles from civilization 

I do not blame people who do or did not want kids. Nor people who want them. World has all kinds. As I said it has been very bitter sweet for me. I wish I could have been older, wiser, and had better resources. But then again I think my kids seeing me fight so hard but keeping it real, has taught them a great deal of what they want for their lives. So they will probably do and be much better than me. Even if there are hiccups, trial/error, and learning curves. And well that is all we can always hope for.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Up until the age of 25 my worst fear was to have kids . My bff and I spend our time laughing at those who dreamed of children and marriage . So I most definitely understand where not wanting children stems from and find it relatable. 

With all that said - my kiddos are the best things that have ever happened to me . Funny thing is when I first enter this site - my first born was still a newborn - now I have 3 kiddos . I do cosleep with my babies- unlike the video - I love every minute of it . It’s the highlight of my day to see my kiddos ( I work nonstop- 65hours a week)


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## Stormlily (6 mo ago)

Having children is terrifying. You have no idea what sort of person they'll be, yet it's your responsibility to try and help support them to be the best version of themselves that they can be. Hopefully you'll be able to be a decent enough version of yourself, more often than not, in order to pull this off. Some kids will be more resilient than others, but your kid could be harder to parent well. Might as well look at the personality type that you find the hardest to understand and imagine yourself trying to raise that person to be their best self.

Any triggers? Children are masters at finding those! It's like humans are wired to try to seek unconditional love and when they feel a weak spot in the love bubble, they poke at it, hoping that it's more solid than it appears, but fearing that they'll rip a hole in it and the bubble will break. You get to reassure them that they are loved even if it didn't seem like it because you were genuinely pissed off. It would be good to reinforce the bubble too so that it's stronger next time they poke at it, which they're sure to do. And you have to figure out how to communicate that. It probably isn't the same way you prefer to express it, but if they know that they are truly loved, it will be an invaluable source of stability for them. If you would enjoy the psychological training that these young drill masters tend to employ, then maybe you should consider being a parent.

Then there's fun stuff like accountability, tying their shoes, hygiene, what to do in a lightning storm, logical fallacies, insert lots of stuff here. Some of it will be useless and you'll probably forget something important, but you aren't the only teacher. Life teaches all, though it may go the evolution route to do so, so beware death-traps. If this doesn't intimidate you, then proceed.

Maybe add another kid or five into the mix, if you're crazy enough. Hopefully you'll have someone else that can help. Try not to make the common mistake of not maintaining such a relationship. Watch and learn as challenges multiply. You'll have to prioritize and give some things up, but did you need them anyway? If you want some extra challenge in your life for the next 20+ years, or possibly the rest of your life, this is a great way to find it.

After you make your decision, know that there's always a chance that you won't be able to have children after all. And if you do have any, you'll probably love them more than anyone else in your life, but there is always a chance that they will be taken from you by an accident, a mistake, a disease, or something else. Do you believe, like Tennyson, that "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'?

Do you think there is hope for the future? Do you think there are enough resources for humanity to live in balance? If you answered yes, then parenting could be an option.

Did I mention that kids are loud? And messy? And LOUD? They also have a knack for waking parents up. The video was less than an hour long, but the reality is a bad dream at 3am and cleaning up puke on the floor without bothering to check a clock because it's the 4th time that night (or day or whatever) and you're just hoping they can keep some water down and everyone doesn't get that sick. 

Why do so many people actually seem to prefer a life under such circumstances? Are they crazy? Are they culturally conditioned to expect such a lifestyle? Are they biologically wired to think it’s a good thing? Are they under so much stress that they just deny it or simply lack enough sleep so that they forget it? They usually seem to think that it’s worth it and the best thing they’ve ever done. Must be something pretty awesome going on for them to think that.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

I didn't cosleep for a lot of reasons, one being what about rolling over onto baby, another being valuing sleep. I slept in kiddos room for some of the first year, in a separate bed. You def don't have to cosleep (it's not actually recommended by most pediatric standards in the world) or sleep in their room or whatever, but it's also ofc okay to not spawn as well.

I just posted this in a different thread thinking i was in this one but: I have some good friends that are child free both literally and in ideology and i support the hell of of them. Patenting isn't some milestone everyone needs to hit or something and the world would likely be a much healthier place if it wasn't viewed that way, and instead people who did decide to parent choose that out of actually wanting to help foster the growth and independence of a human and not thoughtlessly or out of needing some sort of legacy or extension of oneself or something. Edit: i also support the hell out of people who want to be parents.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

superloco3000 said:


> Who will create the future then


People who will have children.


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## daleks_exterminate (Jul 22, 2013)

superloco3000 said:


> Who will create the future then...? You? Them?.



The AIs who control human breeding, obviously.


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## superloco3000 (Dec 15, 2017)

SgtPepper said:


> People who will have children.





daleks_exterminate said:


> The AIs who control human breeding, obviously.


Apparently that's where we're going.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

superloco3000 said:


> Apparently that's where we're going.
> View attachment 907442


This is necessary as we are overpopulated atm. Nature still can control and regulate human over-population. I think it’s doing a good job according to the chart. The limiters for animals is food and space mostly, for humans it appears to be stress, economic, political, and emotional.


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## INTJ_Artist (Aug 19, 2021)

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> Do you still want children now? I 90% never wanted kids, still kind of don't. And this was just ... No thanks.


I have three kids, and we never had this problem. Why? Because we didn't co-sleep with them as babies. This is what cribs are for. To allow parents to sleep peacefully. At least until the next feeding time.

Our kids are also not badly behaved, because we physically disciplined them when they were young. I used to take all three of my children, by myself, to restaurants when they were toddlers, and people would always come up to our table. Asking me "OMG! How are your children so well behaved AND happy?" as if those two things were impossible to have together. Answer: early and consistent discipline. You punish them when they're bad, including but not limited to spanking. And when they're good you reward them with praise and rewards. As they get older, you ease off on the physical discipline and switch to giving and taking away privileges. It's not hard, but you have to remain consistent.

As for wanting kids: In my mid-20's I went through a phase where I wasn't sure that I did. But that was selfish thinking. For thousands upon thousands of years my ancestors went through wars, famines, persecutions, and plagues while still managing to have and raise children. Many must have sacrificed careers ,lives, and riches in order for me to be alive. I owed it to them to continue their line. Especially because so few people in my generation of the family are having kids.

And you know what? I never really understood what it was to be an adult until I had kids. It changed my life in a big way. Having to take care of them, and raise them properly into productive young adults is the proudest accomplishment of my life. More so than the career I put on hold to take care of them when they were very young.

I also think of my next door neighbor. She's in her 80's, lost her husband a decade ago, and has no children. She lives alone, scared of everything and everyone, and depends on the people in her church to take care of her. THAT is hell.


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## INTJ_Artist (Aug 19, 2021)

SgtPepper said:


> This is necessary as we are overpopulated atm. Nature still can control and regulate human over-population. I think it’s doing a good job according to the chart. The limiters for animals is food and space mostly, for humans it appears to be stress, economic, political, and emotional.


No, we are not overpopulated. We are under-productive due to rampant financial parasitism. Without a large population, there can be no specialization of industry. For instance, there are only 2-3 researchers in the world who study and develop the science behind LEDs. Cut the population in half and they're gone. Forced to de-specialize into more generalized fields where essential workers would be needed.

Do you like SpaceX? Do you think that humans should leave this world and seed the solar system? Not going to happen if we're reduced to an 1800's level of technological specialization. Because much of SpaceX's technology relies on specialized external support systems (fuel refining, transport, satellite communications, metals and material specialists) and internal specialists (automated rocket landing systems, supporting infrastructure, engine improvements, specialized software, testing systems, etc.).

We don't need fewer people. We need fewer parasites.


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

INTJ_Artist said:


> We don't need fewer people. We need fewer parasites.


....and until said limiters are eliminated from the system, we are overpopulated.


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## Aarya (Mar 29, 2016)

INTJ_Artist said:


> No, we are not overpopulated. We are under-productive due to rampant financial parasitism. Without a large population, there can be no specialization of industry. For instance, there are only 2-3 researchers in the world who study and develop the science behind LEDs. Cut the population in half and they're gone. Forced to de-specialize into more generalized fields where essential workers would be needed.
> 
> We don't need fewer people. We need fewer parasites.


Well-said 
But the key isn't to work till exhaustion either, or never have breaks, and being in relatively good health throughout one's life is something of a lucky find still, which would encroach on the definition of what a parasite is (if someone's dependent on a type of medication for instance, which is a big financial burden).

For potential mothers wanting babies, there used to be a societal system helping alleviate the stress that comes with raising children. It used to include brothers, sisters, older children, grandparents, aunts, etc.

Now we may have better access to information, health services, vaccines, injections and pills for acute health problems; but less families, friends and neighbours available for us. We also have more distractions. Screens are widely used to entertain children.

With bads there also come goods, meaning that a child provides emotional connection, happiness, and a sense of deeper understanding of people and of life, when you do manage to overcome a hurdle. It is also a living being that you are shaping according to your own beliefs, and that in itself is a unique privilege, which you cannot really freely do otherwise.

I knew and understood my parents needed a break sometimes when I was young, never blamed them for being happy when we'd be left with grandma for something like a month or two over the summer holidays. Even neighbours and friends participated in my upbringing sometimes, housing me during the day when my parents couldn't be there.

In today's "developed nations" such things have started to massively disappear.

If you want a baby but are worried about blending tiredness with work and other activities, then we have to make sure the workplaces, our relatives and friends can support us. It is a difficult task to raise children, otherwise. Always has been, but when you know the solution to a problem, and when you see it being applied, then it becomes easier (aka having some experience handling babies before having your own, to see what works and what doesn't).


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## Cohle (Feb 21, 2014)

I'm an INFP. I used to really want to be a father. I am now 35, and I still want to be a father, but I've grown to be terrified of failing at it.

I'm afraid of failing at being a "great father" and worried that I'd only be a mediocre one. I am not sure it's in my child's best interest to have me as a father, because I tend to see failure in myself wherever I look.

I also don't have a "map" of how to raise children, and so I'm afraid I'd do it unconsciously and reactively. Work stresses me out and I already have so many personal issues, I wouldn't want my children to bear the brunt of any of that.

My family and extended family all raised their children in similar ways (fundamentalist religious folks), and no matter how I raise my kids, it won't fit in with that, and I'm afraid I'd have to live with a massive extended family looking down on me for not raising my children to be good little religious drones, which would make me feel like even more of a failure.


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