# Hugging is so terrifying sometimes,why am I so afraid?



## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

I am terrified to say bye to a large group of friends,and I dont now how to say bye or hug anyone so I stood next to the door and said bye and just jetted outta that place because im soo afraid of drawing attention and i dont know why im afraid of hugging.recently this girl witheld a hug from me and it kind of traumatized me to attempt hugging .its very difficult to hug people,especially if theyve shown discomfort,it makes me so afraid and paranoid to try hugging again.why am i this way?I am 28 and I feel sooo terrible at being around other adults.I feel stupid


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

Find some hot chicks to hug. Then it won't be so terrifying. You'll enjoy every moment of it.


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## lemo (Apr 25, 2013)

Are you used to hugging people in your childhood? 

My parents never really hugged me when I was a child - since then physical contact has always been kind of uncomfortable for me...


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

^ I can relate to that. I was never hugged much as a child either. In fact, people were afraid to touch me. At school, the other kids made up this idea of a special kind of germs you'd get by touching me.


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

lemo said:


> Are you used to hugging people in your childhood?
> 
> My parents never really hugged me when I was a child - since then physical contact has always been kind of uncomfortable for me...


I cant recall any memory of them hugging me .I remember them holding me sometimes when I was 3 or 4 but hugging I dont recall.


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## k3vin (Feb 13, 2012)

maybe start with something mild like patting them on the shoulder or w.e and graduate to more intimate ways of salutations?


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## Recom (May 22, 2013)

Dr.Horrible said:


> I am terrified to say bye to a large group of friends,and I dont now how to say bye or hug anyone so I stood next to the door and said bye and just jetted outta that place because im soo afraid of drawing attention and i dont know why im afraid of hugging.recently this girl witheld a hug from me and it kind of traumatized me to attempt hugging .its very difficult to hug people,especially if theyve shown discomfort,it makes me so afraid and paranoid to try hugging again.why am i this way?I am 28 and I feel sooo terrible at being around other adults.I feel stupid


I know this. I had this issue since always. I got over it when I was about 20 (I'm 22 now). I had all kinds of social anxieties. And hugging other people was one of the worst. Even hugging my great-cousins or aunts was impossible for me. Sometimes people would ask what's wrong with me.
I did overcome it by practice. Everyday I would work on it. Talk to strangers, hug people I met,... whatever. I was sweating like hell, nervous as f***. But I got used to it, and eventually started to enjoy it.
I "realised" this the first time when I was around 16, that I struggled with people. It took me about 4 years of "preparation" to start making changes. But it worked out. I was dreaming away instead on doing something about it. I didn't want to go to a specialist, so I set up my own plan and as I said: just got out there, leaving my comfort zone.


On hugging: I remember my mother hugging me "quite often", but I hated it, as far as I remember. My father was uncomfortable with hugging, too. I enjoyed hugging my sister. But she has been the only person I'd hug, as I'd always considered her more my mother (not that I hate my mother), as I could share my problems with her and feel secure. But I still got these hugging issues with other people.


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## Belle Chat (May 24, 2013)

I am definitely not comfortable hugging most people, especially casual kind of hugs. To me a hug is almost like a kiss, reserved for only the closest of the close to me or for very special occasions (say, you're moving out of town, or are a good work friend and leaving for another job). I think it always surprises people when I don't want a hug, because I'm very warm and friendly most of the time and most people take that to mean I like hugs. In a situation that usually involves a hug, I'll come right out and say, "I'm not a hugger," and usually will pat the person on the arm or shoulder instead, and I usually don't mind being patted in return (just not hugged).


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## 54-46 ThatsMyNumber (Mar 26, 2011)

Interesting, I am by no means a social butterfly but a hug is a lot more easy and comfortable then a handshake, I have a hard time relating and connecting with the majority of people but i still care for them and want the best for them and a hug might say the things that I have left unsaid. It's a good way to transfer a kind, loving energy to another person.


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## Pom87 (Apr 7, 2012)

It must be around thirteen years ago or more since I last had a real hug. The fear is building..


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## lemo (Apr 25, 2013)

Could be one of the reasons (because that would mean that later in your upbringing they haven't given you a hug). 
When was the first time you realized that hugging was uncomfortable for you?

I overcame my fear of consciously touching someone when I was around 16... it was one of my friends I knew very well. For her, it wasn't something special, but I was struggling. I told myself not to overreact, so every time we saw each other, we hugged one another. 

So time after time, I got used to it. By now, it's ok for, but hugging is really reserved for people dear to me...


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## RandomNote (Apr 10, 2013)

I don't like hugging either....too close.


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## 8thWonderOfTheWorld (Nov 15, 2011)

Pom87 said:


> It must be around thirteen years ago or more since I last had a real hug. The fear is building..


Really that's sad..makes me want to hug you to show you it's nothing to be scared of. Wanting to hug random strangers? Lol no wonder people think i'm strange


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## Pom87 (Apr 7, 2012)

8thWonderOfTheWorld said:


> Really that's sad..makes me want to hug you to show you it's nothing to be scared of. Wanting to hug random strangers? Lol no wonder people think i'm strange


I will take that hug.. :blushed:

Just do not laugh at me if I shiver.. :sad:


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## 8thWonderOfTheWorld (Nov 15, 2011)

Aha don't worry I wouldn't anyway have a nice day :wink:


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## sisnerozt (Mar 11, 2013)

it could be Pnigophobia [ fear of being smothered, or Aphenphosmphobia [ fear of being touched


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## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

I could use all the hugs I can handle.

When I was growing up, people wouldn't touch me because apparently I had my own special brand of germs.

Kids can be so cruel. :sad:


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

I would love to give everyone a hug! I've always loved hugging, but I've known plenty of people who aren't comfortable with it. 

It seems very likely that not being used to it is a large factor. And I would imagine that when being hugged is a rare thing it would make it seem much more significant and thus not something for random people in casual moments.

Fear of rejection can play a part- it may seem 'safer' to avoid the possibility of hugs so you won't know for sure if they don't want to be near you. 

Some people also have an issue with hugs because it makes them feel trapped, like they don't have freedom of movement. So hugs can cause them to panic because of a slight phobia. 

Similarly, a slight phobia of other people's germs, or just sort of a wierd sense that other people are somehow dirty can cause one to cringe at being hugged (actually I've experienced that a bit at times when I'm in one of my 'humans-are-like-ants' moods).

A friend of mine who doesn't like hugs realized that it's because they mean a lot to her, and she really does like them, but getting them from people who aren't reeeeally close to her feels really wierd because it's sort of trying to force intense emotions with someone she doesn't have those emotions for. 

I also get the impression that for some people it just goes along with being uncomfortable with blatant expressions of sentiment, they just feel kind of silly or like it's something too private. Similar to people who don't like saying 'I love you' even though they feel it strongly, there's just this taboo on actualy outwardly expressing it in an obvious way, particularly when there are other people around. 

Even for someone like me who loves hugs, giving them can be a bit nerve-wracking when you don't know what the other person's expectations and comfort-zone are. I often find myself worrying if I'm squeezing too hard so they feel strangled, or too soft so they feel like I don't really want to be close, or if they'd be more comfortable with just a one-armed hug, or if where I put my arms/hands is okay, or if I'm stepping on their toes, or if my hair is tickling their face, or if they'll think I'm 'interested' in them, or if they'll think I smell funny, or... or... there are so many different factors that could affect their enjoyment of the hug.

Also, I find that I can be uncomfortable giving hugs because my natural inclination is to be tooo cuddly which I'm afriad most people won't want, or will take the wrong way, so I over-compensate by being histant/stiff/avoidant. I want to cuddle and give good hugs so badly all the time, that I can hardly trust myself to touch others sometimes. 

The only advice I really have is gradually getting comfortable with it with someone you are generally comfortable with (even if you haven't hugged them much before). Building up good associations with hugging, and reinforcing your sense of being safe I think would eventually help you to become more comfortable with hugs. But I don't think it's necessarily wrong to not like giving hugs to most people. It's okay to save it for just the important people, even though it can be hard to deal with social expectations.


also, @lovinfp I'm with you on handshakes, hugging comes natural to me, but handshakes have always been sort of awkward and I have had to force myself to get used to it - which I think results in me being almost too vigorous because I'm trying so hard not to seem like I don't want to touch them.


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

Pom87 said:


> It must be around thirteen years ago or more since I last had a real hug. The fear is building..


that sucks


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Do you have to hug them? That sounds strange (to me). 

I usually don't like hugging anyone that's not my family.


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