# Parents kissing child on lips



## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Sydney psychologist Dr Fiona Martin slams doctor's advice not to kiss children | Daily Mail Online

Doctor warns parents not to kiss children on lips, claiming it is 'sexual' and 'confusing' - Mirror Online

Your opinion on in 


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Tbh I always thought it was weird.
(I don't have kids though)


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

> 'It's absurd really to think a parent kissing their child could be referred to as too sexual,' she told Daily Mail Australia.
> 'It's normal and healthy to be affectionate to your children. It's communicating to your child that you love them.'
> Dr Martin said there was no psychological effects for a child who has been kissed on the lips by their parents.


About covers it I'd say ^_^


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Wellsy said:


> About covers it I'd say ^_^


couldnt agree with you more


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

Maybe I'm too biased but I find it very weird. So many affectionate gestures can be done, so many places can be kissed, why the mouth??


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## saxol (Aug 20, 2015)

I think this would depend a lot on culture. Most are taught that kissing on the lips is an intimate practice and sexual but objectively isn't all kissing "intimate"? Perhaps intimacy and sexual are to blurred in society. Maybe it's possible to kiss a child on the lips without a sexual component and kiss a partner on the lips with a sexual component.


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## TheProphetLaLa (Aug 18, 2014)

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. People are too quick to sexualize something which isn't necessarily sexual. I've seen a lot of people kiss their children on the lips. Relatives, friends, etc. Especially the young ones. It's pretty much non existent once they start getting older. Its not like you start making out with them. Its just a peck. Its a sign of affection. Sometimes they'll even kiss their butts or their tummies. I mean they're babies. They're adorable. You just want to shower them with kisses.


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## Sanskrit (Feb 6, 2011)

Part of immune defenses that children gain are from oral contact with parents, it does establish both positive and negative non-hereditary gastro intestinal traits. It's a human impulse to kiss, so I think each family to their own.


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## Cephalonimbus (Dec 6, 2010)

There's nothing inherently sexual about a kiss on the lips and the very idea is absurd... let alone her insane comparison with masturbation. Clearly, a mouth is not the same as genitalia. It's not sexual unless you sexualize it. The thing is, when the outside world responds to a kiss on the lips as if there's something wrong with it, a kid is going to pick up on that eventually and indeed that's going to be confusing. It's not the kiss, it's the reaction of others that confuses them. There are several solutions to this problem: one is to dictate to parents what they can and cannot do to their own children, he other is to stop gasping like a retard and mind your business :^)


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Kissing on the lips is a sexual gesture, found not only throughout human evolution, but in other species (even non-mammalian as well), as a prelude to reproduction. 

Open-mouthed kiss transfers the male's testosterone to the female (with the mouth's mucus membranes easily absorbing the hormone directly into the bloodstream rather than it breaking down in the digestive tract), which increases the odds of her wanting to mate.

Don't let political correctness cloud our rational thinking... which I'm surprised to see in some people here.


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## C3bBb (Oct 22, 2013)

I thought this was going to be an article about the potential health risks posed from oral contact with newborns due to their underdeveloped immune systems. 

People will find anything to bitch and moan over, no matter how stupid it sounds.


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## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

I remember being kissed on the lips as a kid and thinking nothing of it. It wasn't until long after puberty (and long after they'd stopped doing it) that it even occurred to me as a thing at all. 

There were numerous things that didn't even occur to me as potentially having a sexual context until long after puberty (or around when it hit - one of the two). For example, sharing a bath with my little brother (we were only a couple years apart).

The important thing, I imagine, is not to force it on your kid well into puberty.


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## sink (May 21, 2014)

That would depend on the family or rather on the individual child. When I was younger, I detested it when relatives would kiss me. Eventually I made it clear that they shouldn't and they stopped.

So really, if the child doesn't mind it what's the harm? Kisses aren't inherently sexual, rather a sign of affection.


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## NewYorkEagle (Apr 12, 2015)

I think it's okay. It's not like the parents would actually try to have sex with their child, even though it's illegal and disturbing to do that.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

I think it's weird (not intentionally sexual) but for me it's a sexual and intimate act. But to each their own. 
Kiss your kids on the lips. It doesn't affect me. I just won't be doing the same to mine.


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## Laze (Feb 19, 2015)

I assume that kissing your child on the cheek will convey the same senses of safety and trust as it would kissing them on the lips, so I just don't see the reasoning for lip to lip action. Personally, kissing anyone on the lips who is a part of my family or isn't an adult seems pretty bizarre to me.


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## Kurt Wagner (Aug 2, 2014)

My mother (ESFJ) kissed me and my sister (ISFJ) on the lips all the time and we never thought it weird. We knew that some people found it weird but we also knew that it depended on the family, and we were aware of the connotations, since very early, but we always saw family as exception. We knew there were different types of kisses and we were never confused as to what those kisses meant. _Never_. 

I haven't kissed my mother since a couple of years before I hit puberty and don't intend on doing it anytime soon. I never kissed my sister on the lips though.

My little brother (8) kisses both his parents on the lips all the time and has kissed me a couple of times when he was younger too (we were closer then and he was always more affectionate, somehow I became the awkward one who doesn't know how to hug).

Contrary to what many forgetful adults believe, children are not bags of stupid: they will only be confused if other people start saying confusing shit about the whole thing.

PS: @stiletto The awesomeness of your avatars is distracting. Please stop choosing awesome avatars before I marry your avatars.

EDIT: Parents kiss their children on the lips out of affection. When my brother kisses his parents on the lips is out of affection. When I kissed my mother on the lips it was out of affection. When I spent the holidays on my aunt's house I liked to kiss my cousins a lot, not on the lips, but a lot, and out of affection. Pure instinct. And they scolded me for it, said I was too young for these things.

I see no need for people to kiss each other on the lips if they're uncomfortable with it, but people who want to stop others because they see it as sexual seriously need to fuck off.


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## Fire Away (Nov 29, 2013)

My mum used to kiss me on the lips when I was young, and I never really cared or thought about it. I eventually got to a certain age where she just stopped doing (probably when I was 5 or so, since that's when the little bro was born).

But I still know of people who kiss their mums on the lips, and they don't see it as bad, awkward, or sexual. I also heard that siblings pecking each other on the lips is also quite common.

^I dunno, it doesn't seem damaging. It actually seems to be quite natural for some.


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## Amelia (Aug 23, 2015)

My mother and father frequently kissed me on the lips/cheek/forehead as a child. Nothing bad ever came of it.


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## The Dude (May 20, 2010)

It's weird.


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

AriesLilith said:


> It didn't sound that @_Dr.Horrible_ was uncomfortable in the moments he was kissed by his parents, but rather the later realization of what kiss is due to cultural upbringing.
> 
> We can do n things to kids when they are young that they might not feel uncomfortable about, as long as it is not physically uncomfortable or emotionally/cognitively seen as bad or innapropriate (a child's perception to what is or is not appropriate and the emotional response for it is still limited and growing). But they might later come to form a perception about it and have a negative reaction about what happened. IMO, this is probably one of the reasons why consent to sexual relations has a minimum age.
> 
> So the action having more probability to be perceived as good or bad being lower or higher depends a lot on the general culture where a person grows up in. In the much more liberal cultural upbringing probably no one would feel uncomfortable with the more intimate acts of affection, while in others it can feel innapropriate, causing confusion and uncomfortable feelings for the child as he/she grows up and gains stronger cultural awareness.


my grandparents knew it was wrong, and i hear them argue with my parents when i was a child. i absolutely hate it, its like they tried to make me effemite as a child and i dont like it at all. a simple kiss on the cheek or forehead would have been fine .


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## Dr.Horrible (Jul 12, 2012)

gmaslin said:


> I get a little uncomfortable seeing parents kiss their children on the lips. I suppose it could be an innocuous practice but intimacy of any sort can be interpreted as sexual no matter the intention of the parent. Say what you like but kissing is intimacy. I suppose it comes down to where you decide to set your sexual boundary but when a parent does this, it sort of decides that boundary for you. I've been kind of lucky in this sense. My dad has never kissed my lips or other questionable body part, face and forehead only. I've seen my dad hug my mom and exhibit a hard on but I've never felt his penis once in all the hugs I've received from him. From my developing perspective there was nothing sexual to consider about him. Perhaps I'm biased but this seems ideal to me.


sexual or not, what is the purpose?? is it going to make the child develop better mentally? hell no!so its a selfish thing for a parent to do.kissing on the mouth belongs to sexual partners


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## septic tank (Jul 21, 2013)

A child can't take kissing sexually since they don't know what sex is, so how can it be "sexual" to them?

(As long as "child" is defined as before puberty and hasn't had the sex talk yet.)


I won't lie though, the knee jerk reaction for me is it's weird. But I think this used to be a common thing a couple hundred years ago in Europe...


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Metasentient said:


> Open-mouthed kiss transfers the male's testosterone to the female (with the mouth's mucus membranes easily absorbing the hormone directly into the bloodstream rather than it breaking down in the digestive tract), which increases the odds of her wanting to mate.


wat. that is the grossest.

kissing spreads germs. if you're going to do it put on purell before and after.


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## jamaix (Sep 20, 2013)

I didn't kiss my kids on the mouth, but I don't see anything wrong with parents kissing a baby or young child on the mouth. I think more harm could come about from making a big deal of it. 

Made me think of this video that I saw some time ago. I thought it was cute. Hopefully it hasn't already been shared. I admit I only read the OP.


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## Doran Seth (Apr 4, 2015)

Pretty recently I began to wonder if kissing is a purely human thing or if it has an evolutionary basis.

I researched it a bit and found mixed answers. Some scientists believe mouth-kissing is a sign of affection that is an evolutionary byproduct of mouth-feeding. Also as Sanskrit said, it helps strengthen the immune system of the child.

There is evidence that counters the evolutionary basis for human kissing however. For instance, many indigenous peoples did not engage in mouth-kissing until they made contact with Europeans who used it at the time.

However, this all deals with kissing used to show non-romantic affection. Romantic kissing is actually a much more recent phenomenon. In other words, kissing as a sign of general affection is much older than sexual kissing. In this sense, the idea that a parent kissing his or her child on the lips is sexually confusing makes no sense biologically as sexual mouth-kissing is a recent social construct. Social circumstances may change things however. Since mouth-kissing between adults is usually used by people who are intimate in modern western culture, it makes sense that a child who has only seen mouth-kissing in that context could be confused about the nature of kissing. However, long, passionate kissing is totally different than a brief lip-smack. Ultimately the idea that mouth-kissing between a parent and a child is sexually stimulating to the child has no real basis.

Anyway, what do I think? I didn't grow up with my parents kissing me on the lips. I thought it was weird a while ago but now I'm indifferent to it.


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## gmaslin (Feb 28, 2015)

@Doran Seth
I don't suppose it was lost on you that incest was also more frequently practiced back then. Might it have been encouraged by parental mouth kissing? I don't know, I haven't studied the subject enough to draw any conclusions but like many of us here, I have an instinctual aversion to the practice. I'm not condemning anyone that does it but I feel it is a superfluous way to show affection without even mentioning any potential oedipal ramifications. On the subject of what a child recognizes as sexual, there seems to be a growing school of thought suggesting it develops years before actual sexual development. This conflicts sharply with the whole "genetically gay" argument but in my opinion, it does explain pre-cognitive sexual mapping/identity. How many of us clearly remember pre-school events? How do we know we weren't imprinted by the sexual stimuli we were exposed to then? When you consider those questions, openly gay displays don't seem as harmless and inconsequential to society.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

*is it sexual?:* of course not, that's absurd
*it is weird:* I think so at least lol, but in plenty southern European cultures, kissing on the lips is perfectly normal across a range of friendships


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## Doran Seth (Apr 4, 2015)

gmaslin said:


> @Doran Seth
> I don't suppose it was lost on you that incest was also more frequently practiced back then. Might it have been encouraged by parental mouth kissing? I don't know, I haven't studied the subject enough to draw any conclusions but like many of us here, I have an instinctual aversion to the practice. I'm not condemning anyone that does it but I feel it is a superfluous way to show affection without even mentioning any potential oedipal ramifications. On the subject of what a child recognizes as sexual, there seems to be a growing school of thought suggesting it develops years before actual sexual development. This conflicts sharply with the whole "genetically gay" argument but in my opinion, it does explain pre-cognitive sexual mapping/identity. How many of us clearly remember pre-school events? How do we know we weren't imprinted by the sexual stimuli we were exposed to then? When you consider those questions, openly gay displays don't seem as harmless and inconsequential to society.


Based on the evidence I've seen, mouth-kissing as a form of sexual relation did not occur until relatively recently. Therefore it wouldn't make sense for it to have any historical connection to incest or any other sexual relationship. I also believe that since mouth-kissing is now seen as a form of intimacy, many people shy away from it as a platonic sign of affection. In this since I would say your aversion of it, like most people's, is not instinctual but social. Moreover, Freud's Oedipus complex, like many of his theories, is not seen as valid by modern psychology.

I agree with the idea that what a child considers sexual is developed early, though I am no expert on the matter. However, I don't see the link between that idea and sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is an attraction to one or both sexes (or neither). What a child learns to consider sexual seems to have more to do with acts and behaviors rather than orientation. Also, I think there is a distinct difference between what one recognizes as sexual behavior and what one finds sexually arousing. For instance, if an person has learned as a child that a certain behavior is sexual and after his or her sexual development witnesses it used by a person of a sex he or she is not attracted to, I find it hard to believe that the person would experience a shift in sexual orientation due to that. Again, I'm no expert on any of this. I'm just trying to follow the reasoning.


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## castigat (Aug 26, 2012)

Dunno if anyone's mentioned it, but Manchu mothers used to perform fellatio on their baby boys (which wasn't considered sexual), but public kissing was revolting.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

It's a great way of exposing them to low risk bacteria to help strengthen their immune systems. but this is only a benefit up to a certain point. After that, yeah... creepy.


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## gmaslin (Feb 28, 2015)

@Doran Seth
If the practice was not considered sexual until later then it stands to reason that this practice was more common back then along with incest. This is a potential correlation. The suggestion that kissing your children on the mouth was not considered sexual back then does not nullify the possibility that it encouraged sexual feelings. Ask any girl that remembers playing hobby horse as a child on an adult knee. Few people would consider this a sexual activity but I believe many girls experienced sexual feelings from it. Again, I'm not condemning the practice but I am concerned that there is a serious lack of consideration evaluating all the implications of the seemingly innocuous act of kissing a child on the mouth. By the way, this is only one of the many things we have been battered into accepting as normal in our society. Public media is amazingly powerful and the fact that it is controlled by so few people makes it incredibly dangerous as a propagandizing tool. When you consider public media as "The Matrix" in our collective mindset, you begin to see the potential for remarkable abuse of our collective psyche as a society of individuals.


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## Mirkwood (Jul 16, 2014)

You cant ask this without me immidiatly thinking of this .. there are several of them.
Perhaps the most akward thing ive watched.







To be more serious.. In my country, denmark, I think it is pretty normal that people kiss their baby on the mouth, also extended family beyond the parents uncles, aunts, etc, but that stops at around the same time as they begin to speak. (and maybe kids run around kissing a little in kindergarden and such, the whole girl cooties thing and all, boys will be running maybe, or will be the kisser)
But it is not a kiss kiss, as what you for example do with a partner, ofcourse, it´s just a very quick one, I dont know which name to use in english.

I have always found it abit akward, strange, weird, but nobody does that here really. Tho maybe some special occations, hmm.. i think sometimes at weddings?, and when somebody is very ill and old. (it really should sometimes be said as cradle to cradle, not cradle to grave)

I am much more fond of the idea of french air/cheek kissing, where the lips dont actually touch, it looks like an nice gesture, custom.


Edit: but i cant really see the bad, often it is just what we make it into, and as someone already mentioned probably then it has to do with culture, etc.


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## salt (Jun 22, 2015)

ew in what culture is that normal?


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

salt said:


> ew in what culture is that normal?























you see i didnt know that kissing child on the lips was that abnormal and taboo until i came across the article on a parenting website - 
my mom kissed me as a kid- along with my uncle- grandma- and older cousins male and females and as a baby i kissed my cousin ( I'm the bald one )








as well didnt think anything wrong of it


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## Doran Seth (Apr 4, 2015)

gmaslin said:


> @Doran Seth
> If the practice was not considered sexual until later then it stands to reason that this practice was more common back then along with incest. This is a potential correlation.


The type of kissing referred to needs to be clarified. Long, passionate, romantic kissing is what I was saying is recent behavior. A quick lip-smack is the main type of kissing I was referring to. Maybe it's my fault for not not being specific enough, but they are separate things. Brief mouth-kissing, the original form of kissing, has never been considered sexual as far as I know. Even today it is not thought of as being sexual; it is just mainly used by people who are intimate in modern times.

We haven't really specified the time periods we are discussing, but even if they do line up, correlation does not imply causation. I suspect that the advent of sexual kissing eventually changed the way people view mouth contact in general, which would explain why platonic brief mouth-kissing now seems weird to many people. I could be wrong, but it seems likely.



> The suggestion that kissing your children on the mouth was not considered sexual back then does not nullify the possibility that it encouraged sexual feelings. Ask any girl that remembers playing hobby horse as a child on an adult knee. Few people would consider this a sexual activity but I believe many girls experienced sexual feelings from it.


The word "sexual" has different meanings in different contexts. It can refer to attraction, stimulation, organs, behaviors, etc. I believe you are confusing sexual feelings with sexual stimulation in your example. For instance, even before puberty, children experience pleasure from the stimulation of their sexual organs. Therefore I wouldn't doubt that hobby horse could provide that sort of stimulation. However, there is no evidence of a connection between this sort of stimulation and sexual feelings towards the person the child is playing with. A male baby crawling across a carpet nude would feel similar stimulation. What sexual feelings would that generate?

Ultimately, I fail to see how brief mouth-kissing is related to sexual stimulation or feelings in any way. From what I know, there are too many gaps in the information to be able to draw this sort of conclusion or even consider it likely.



> Again, I'm not condemning the practice but I am concerned that there is a serious lack of consideration evaluating all the implications of the seemingly innocuous act of kissing a child on the mouth. By the way, this is only one of the many things we have been battered into accepting as normal in our society.


I disagree. If anything, I believe brief mouth-kissing between anyone other than an intimate couple is generally viewed as strange now. At the very least, society is moving away from it as a widespread practice. Also, if familial mouth-kissing is being pushed by public media, then why are they doing it? Who would benefit from it?

From what I see, you only correlate mouth-kissing with incest because you live in a time when any form of mouth-kissing is most commonly used by sexual partners. Maybe you are right but without any research connecting platonic mouth-kissing to sexual feelings and incest, your position seems like a knee-jerk reaction to a practice you already have a negative opinion of.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

'Fucking creepy' about sums up my thoughts on the matter.


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## gmaslin (Feb 28, 2015)

Doran Seth said:


> I believe you are confusing sexual feelings with sexual stimulation in your example. For instance, even before puberty, children experience pleasure from the stimulation of their sexual organs. Therefore I wouldn't doubt that hobby horse could provide that sort of stimulation.


Do you actually read what you write before you post it? You agree that children experience pleasure from stimulation of the sexual organs but you see no correlation between this and sexual development, proclivity and/or engagement. Not only was your post remarkably condescending but anyone reading your comments juxtaposed to mine would say the confusion is yours. It's reading posts from people like you that make me lose hope for humanity.


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## Doran Seth (Apr 4, 2015)

gmaslin said:


> Do you actually read what you write before you post it? You agree that children experience pleasure from stimulation of the sexual organs but you see no correlation between this and sexual development, proclivity and/or engagement. Not only was your post remarkably condescending but anyone reading your comments juxtaposed to mine would say the confusion is yours. It's reading posts from people like you that make me lose hope for humanity.




You previously said the activity would produce sexual feelings. I disagreed and now you are saying I don't think it affects sexual development, proclivity, and engagement. This is the reason I said the word sexual has different meanings in different contexts, which I feel you have been conflating. Also, I assumed by sexual feelings you were referring to attraction, which stimulation alone does not produce. If you meant something else, it wasn't clear to me. Similarly, I previously tried to differentiate between what a person recognizes as sexual behavior from what a person is sexually attracted to.

I assume the part you found condescending was the last sentence. I really didn't mean to offend you but I don't see how a connection between incest and parental mouth-kissing can be made using valid information. Your only defense of the idea is that it can't be ruled out as a possibility. From my perspective, you equate mouth-kissing with sexual relations and formulated a theory that parental mouth-kissing influences a child's sexual development because it makes sense to you. You also implied that familial mouth-kissing is either a cause or product of incest. Everything I've read contradicts this.

Again, I didn't mean to insult you, just point out that I feel your ideas on the matter are unfounded. Let's just agree to disagree and move on. There are no hard feelings on my end. Thanks for the conversation.


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