# Feeling too much ? ? ? - NT/NF combo?



## flyintheointment (Jun 15, 2009)

*Feeling too much ? ? ?*

Do you find that your feelings easily overwhelm you? Do you find that you are unable to control your emotions and the effect they have on you? Do you often feel like a prisoner to these emotions? 

NFs are highly aware and very perceptive, self critical, and self conscious. I doubt they want to be overwhelmed by their feelings, but they sometimes feel helpless in containing their emotions. They may know it is irrational, but can't seem to help the effect it has on them. It is more often than not experienced as a negative rather than a positive quality, especially because of negative reactions to seemingly "overly" emotional expressions of feeling. You may also feel judged by others, and it is especially hard if you are someone who is easily embarrassed. 

E.g. You can feel strongly for someone without even knowing them well because you are drawn to a quality you perceive they have or evoke, such as an unusually high level of sensitivity and understanding. Granted, these feelings may not be reciprocated which is why it wil often become a problem for the person later on. Letting go of those feelings becomes almost impossible.

Now, NFs are not unaware of how their emotional responses are seen and perceived. They know the impact it can have on their decision making. They just have some difficulty managing or controlling those feelings. 

But on the other hand, this large capacity to feel can allow you to feel things so strongly and deeply (that could never be put into words) in ways that others may never understand or have the opportunity to experience. A blessing and a curse this quality is. 

To add:

_Why kinds of coping mechanisms do you use?_


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

" blessing and a curse this quality is. "
----->  
I do see this quality in NF's, yes ^^ 
But isn't this the case with most Qualities?


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## Charlie Chaotic (Feb 17, 2009)

Even though I'm an NT, I admit that sometimes I share the neediness and the strong feelings for people. I guess it's because I'm really close in between NT and NF (58%T, 42%F). 

I see a lot of these qualities in my ENFP and INFP friends.


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## Rushing Wind (Jun 22, 2009)

Definitely true. Especially growing up (as an INFP), my feelings overwhelmed me. I was very melancholic, often deeply bitter or deeply in love... or at more appropriately, probably deep in my admiration and emotional attachment. I eventually learned to let go of my bitterness, not let things work me up so much, not to take so much offense, and..... well, I'm working on not overly admiring a person if I like them.

To me, this is mostly a blessing. But, eh--I'm an optimist. Yes, once I do get angry or depressed, it can get pretty deep. Thankfully, after 2 decades, it gets easier to tell when I am getting either and then I can accept why it is happening and work to counteract it (ENFPs in general are rated to have of the highest variety of coping mechanisms :happy. So, if in the right environment (or if I choose the right attitude in the wrong environment), I can enthuse myself to glorious heights. 

So, I agree. "A blessing and a curse" is the most appropriate phrase. Though I think that phrase can be applied to each of the temperaments basic qualities (NFs and depth of emotion, NTs and depth of thought, SJs in security, and SPs in freedom).


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Sometimes I find it hard to think of the up side of feeling so much. I have a question for thinkers. Do you even see a value to the NF's? I mean, what purpose do we serve? To make sure everyone is happy? 

I feel like a slave or servant sometimes.


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## Rushing Wind (Jun 22, 2009)

I know you didn't ask me, Higher, but I felt like that a lot a few years ago (when I was a strong INFP). One of the best descriptions of NFs comes from Keirsey himself. If you read his descriptions of each of the NFs, you will a very good picture of what each has potential for. http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=overview


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## flyintheointment (Jun 15, 2009)

thehigher said:


> Do you even see a value to the NF's? I mean, what purpose do we serve? To make sure everyone is happy?
> 
> I feel like a slave or servant sometimes.


Second that.


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## Rushing Wind (Jun 22, 2009)

I think, in general, NFs (obviously) about people. Okay. :dry: Now that the "Thanks Cap'N Obvious" crap is over, I would like to think most of the NFs have a niche for language. Whether that is musical, poetic, spoken, or w/e, it differs. But because of the ability to communicate, we can use wisdom (that most NFs long for) and tell the world about it. Yes, we're often harmonizers. Yes, we often take the role of serving others. But I think when our wisdom (supposing we've gained any :laughing with our (hopeful) language skills, we can be platforms and initiators of human growth.

I'm sure there's more, but that's one of the trends I see.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Rushing Wind said:


> I think, in general, NFs (obviously) about people. Okay. :dry: Now that the "Thanks Cap'N Obvious" crap is over, I would like to think most of the NFs have a niche for language. Whether that is musical, poetic, spoken, or w/e, it differs. But because of the ability to communicate, we can use wisdom (that most NFs long for) and tell the world about it. Yes, we're often harmonizers. Yes, we often take the role of serving others. But I think when our wisdom (supposing we've gained any :laughing with our (hopeful) language skills, we can be platforms and initiators of human growth.
> 
> I'm sure there's more, but that's one of the trends I see.


Ah yes human growth....but i feel like NFs are the only ones who care about human growth. Meanwhile....it seems like NTs are actually getting stuff done. Like....alright so.... we NFs talk about wisdom so much.....but the only ones who care are other NFs for the most part....not totally...but ....for the most part. I feel like the information we can bring to the table rarely means anything to anyone else.... unless we try and translate everything into NT , SP or SJ language. (by the way i usually group them as NF NT SF and ST) 

I dunno. I see your point though. There are definitely a lot of talents that are contained within our type....its hard to see the practical use in them sometimes.....but im gonna check out that keirsey thing you were talking about. that sounds interesting.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Mk, I just read it. That sounds better I think. I do think we are unifiers. I think ...the farther you get from NF.....the more you enter the realm of sadism. I think robert moore dipicts this nicely with his archetype theories with personality. Robert Moore said that the "lover archetype" within a persons psyche is what keeps them from becoming sadistic. It is the lover within the king archetype that keeps him interested in his peoples well being. 

What good would a leader be...if he only listened to himself. 

I see the point in the NF mentality. However, from my point of view, the NF ideal is best seen from a distance. I think the NT paradigm appears to be very effective and balanced. They see what is going on....yet they are not tied down. They act and do something with their objective knowledge. I find it hard to see a real life example of how NFs are necessary. I dunno. Now, I'm just repeating myself.


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## Rushing Wind (Jun 22, 2009)

(could you explain your grouping a little more?)

I see what you're saying, Higher. From a practical perspective, I see the NTs getting almost nothing done either. It seems to be endless debates. SPs get more done, but it isn't always "productive" in that its getting work done. So, I suppose SJs win the race here, but again, you have to ask yourself the question :what kind of work? If its tasks, the SJs win. If its entertainment, the SPs win. If its Philisophical or depth of thought--questioning what is and isnt--the NTs win. If its humanitarian--helping each of the others get back on track or supporting them in their cause or healing past hurts-- NFs win the game.

Pardon the uninvited interpretation, but it sounds like to me you aren't exactly satisfied with your personality at the moment. If that's the case, don't fret, because you can change. If you wish to be an INTP-- you can become that. It takes time, and practice, but I've changed from introversion into extraversion, so its definitely possible--just focus on the skills that (Insert Type) has, and eventually it will be second nature.

Again, pardon my interpretation if I'm wrong, you just seemed to come across that way.


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## flyintheointment (Jun 15, 2009)

*Yeah . . .*



thehigher said:


> I feel like the information we can bring to the table rarely means anything to anyone else.... unless we try and translate everything into NT , SP or SJ language.
> . . .
> its hard to see the practical use in them sometimes.


I think you've hit the nail on the head with these points. That is your answer. We have to be practical about the way we communicate with other types. If I have something important to tell you, and you speak only Japanese, but I keep speaking to you in English and expect you to understand, we are not going to get very far. So to offer something which is perceived as valuable to the other types, you would need to translate the "wisdom" of those thoughts, feelings, and ideas in language and meaning that connects with their language, feelings, and motivations. Each person is motivated by different things, and has different goals, concerns, and interests. Find what motivates or works as a trigger for the persons you are relating to and put it in these terms. 

You could probably say that communicating between the types is very much like intercultural communication. As NFs, you may be able to contribute more if you communicate in a manner which can help other types to increase their understanding of what you are trying to say. :wink:


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## Psilo (Apr 29, 2009)

flyintheointment said:


> I think you've hit the nail on the head with these points. That is your answer. We have to be practical about the way we communicate with other types. If I have something important to tell you, and you speak only Japanese, but I keep speaking to you in English and expect you to understand, we are not going to get very far. So to offer something which is perceived as valuable to the other types, you would need to translate the "wisdom" of those thoughts, feelings, and ideas in language and meaning that connects with their language, feelings, and motivations. Each person is motivated by different things, and has different goals, concerns, and interests. Find what motivates or works as a trigger for the persons you are relating to and put it in these terms.
> 
> You could probably say that communicating between the types is very much like intercultural communication. As NFs, you may be able to contribute more if you communicate in a manner which can help other types to increase their understanding of what you are trying to say. :wink:


The power of language is amazing. I know I can feel trapped in my own head when I just can't seem to explain something or share something with someone else because the English language is too restrictive. 

I wholeheartedly believe that with heart missing from language it is aiding to the large scale emotional repression of people. Of course, chicken or egg...

Poetry, music, body language can only go so far if people aren't willing to listen. Communication requires an open receptor as much as a capable speaker. Then again, actions speak louder than words, so they say. 

I believe the world will retain balance. Before the European conquest of the world, humans were balanced farther to the NF mentality which left a vulnerability exploited to make the modern day view of the universe and strangling the knowledge of the past as primitive. The world is unsustainable as it is going and the pendulum needs to swing back to the center, or else a cataclysmic crumbling will occur and a more balanced world built from the rubble. The NT/ST mentality has it's place and is merely proving it's worth and exposing it's weakness.


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## flyintheointment (Jun 15, 2009)

*Hmm . . .*



Psilo;86818
said:


> The power of language is amazing.
> . . .
> Before the European conquest of the world, humans were balanced farther to the NF mentality which left a vulnerability exploited to make the modern day view of the universe and strangling the knowledge of the past as primitive. The world is unsustainable as it is going and the pendulum needs to swing back to the center, or else a cataclysmic crumbling will occur and a more balanced world built from the rubble. The NT/ST mentality has it's place and is merely proving it's worth and exposing it's weakness.


Very interesting.



> Communication requires an open receptor as much as a capable speaker.


Well said.


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## Ungweliante (Feb 26, 2009)

flyintheointment said:


> Do you find that your feelings easily overwhelm you? Do you find that you are unable to control your emotions and the effect they have on you? Do you often feel like a prisoner to these emotions?


I wouldn't say a prisoner, but my feelings are strong. I can't control them, but I can control my actions based on them. Often being emotionally overwhelmed leads either to introverting, or to ecstatic extroversion. Normal mood states come as well. I've often used my deep emotional states for spiritual journeys.



flyintheointment said:


> NFs are highly aware and very perceptive, self critical, and self conscious. I doubt they want to be overwhelmed by their feelings, but they sometimes feel helpless in containing their emotions. They may know it is irrational, but can't seem to help the effect it has on them. It is more often than not experienced as a negative rather than a positive quality, especially because of negative reactions to seemingly "overly" emotional expressions of feeling. You may also feel judged by others, and it is especially hard if you are someone who is easily embarrassed.


I'm very good at containing my emotions and masquerading as other emotional states, if I feel the need. I don't do that with people I completely trust. So far, there are not many of those people.



flyintheointment said:


> E.g. You can feel strongly for someone without even knowing them well because you are drawn to a quality you perceive they have or evoke, such as an unusually high level of sensitivity and understanding. Granted, these feelings may not be reciprocated which is why it wil often become a problem for the person later on. Letting go of those feelings becomes almost impossible.


Completely true.



flyintheointment said:


> But on the other hand, this large capacity to feel can allow you to feel things so strongly and deeply (that could never be put into words) in ways that others may never understand or have the opportunity to experience. A blessing and a curse this quality is.


...and how hard it can make things in a quest for finding similarity...when every compromise you make feels like cutting a deal with what you want.



flyintheointment said:


> To add:
> 
> _Why kinds of coping mechanisms do you use?_


I would say a lot of *talking about how I feel, analysing it with other people*. I also find plenty of solace within my *spirituality*. Then there's the *"at home with chocolate & movies" *-way and *"going out to meet your friends" *-way. Sometimes *"helping people with their problems"* is also very therapeutic.

I'm also an expert on *not showing being affected by it* when people hurt me and then *ignoring the people* or even cutting them out of my life.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I'm NT, and I really only want human contact once every so many years. Thing about human contact is: the more you get it, the more you need it. It's a dangerous drug that a young INTP can't afford to take, because you never know when you'll meet soemone you can actually get close to.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

*Do you find that your feelings easily overwhelm you? *
Well, first, let's distinguish between emotion and feeling. Feeling in MBTI does not equal emotion, it's a value based thought process. 

My emotions can overwhelm me if very strong, and strong emotions may rise over something I value, in which case I may be overwhelmed. Basically strong feeling can lead to strong emotion which can cause a strong reaction within me.

Otherwise, I am actually a pretty go-with-the-flow person.

*Do you find that you are unable to control your emotions and the effect they have on you? *
No, I find I can reason with myself and decide when my emotions are ridiculous and make a conscious effort to change them. It doesn't happen over night, and I may still feel them, but I don't have to act on them or with them. 

I often find it easy to hide and control my emotions, and I usually do, but when they are very strong then they may rear their head with little concern for context or method of expression. This usually happens when I am frustrated or over-tired or pushed to my limit. Then I blow, basically.

*Do you often feel like a prisoner to these emotions?*
Not usually. I find them a useful tool in configuring my values. Emotion makes you feel "alive" also. 
The only time my emotion gets in the way is probably my mild social anxiety. When I was younger, I did not regard myself as emotional, but rather temperamental and shy. I see how those come out of emotion now.

*Why kinds of coping mechanisms do you use?*
Venting helps a lot. Distractions are good for short term. Then I regroup and make a game plan if action is needed. I assume we are talking about negative emotion, because many emotions are positive and don't require "coping".


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## kdm1984 (Jul 8, 2009)

flyintheointment said:


> Do you find that your feelings easily overwhelm you? Do you find that you are unable to control your emotions and the effect they have on you? Do you often feel like a prisoner to these emotions?


*OH F YEAH! F THAT EFFING F FUNCTION! RAWWWWRRRRR!!!!**

* Wow, that was exhausting. Back to the abstract ponderings of Ni..:dry:



> NFs are highly aware and very perceptive, self critical, and self conscious. I doubt they want to be overwhelmed by their feelings, but they sometimes feel helpless in containing their emotions. They may know it is irrational, but can't seem to help the effect it has on them. It is more often than not experienced as a negative rather than a positive quality, especially because of negative reactions to seemingly "overly" emotional expressions of feeling. You may also feel judged by others, and it is especially hard if you are someone who is easily embarrassed.


Yup. I am trying not to get too negative and whiny about my employment situation, but it's hard. :sad: 



> But on the other hand, this large capacity to feel can allow you to feel things so strongly and deeply (that could never be put into words) in ways that others may never understand or have the opportunity to experience. A blessing and a curse this quality is.


Yes! My NT beloved actually likes my fluffery much of the time. :happy::happy::happy:



> _Why kinds of coping mechanisms do you use?_


Taking the time to calm down and not get so enflamed. Usually this works by speaking with people who understand me well, and/or doing some relaxing activity (or at least an engaging one that will take me away from the negative feelings and focus my attention elsewhere).


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## flyintheointment (Jun 15, 2009)

Boy, I never realized how . . . my questions were.  Good for anyone who got something out of answering them.


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