# How to make friends in highschool and improve social skills?



## PheonixFrenzy (Aug 19, 2012)

I would like to know how to make friends in high- school. As werid as this sounds Im not very good at making freinds or even a girlfriend. My life so far has gone downhill these past few years. Im going through a depression right now so Im just not thinking straight. Hence, how my spelling is poor. I just don't have the attention span right now to see if my words are correct. 

Im in Grade 11 right now and I kind of regret just wasting time watching music videos on my computer because I was just so bored. I used to play video games alot when I was younger. Now I don't as much but, I will play some Final Fantasy on some ocassion. 

Lucklily, I know this guy on the bus I go to, that has been through the same crap as me. (Apparently, that's what he thinks) He says that he used to have poor social skills (still improving) , didn't have friends and didn't really have hobbies. And he also didn't really have an idenity and has figured himself out. He is the same age as me, 17. It's interesting that we both have cerebal palasy and Im going through the same thing as him. Maybe its a CP thing? Lol (Btw, are there any PC members with CP?) 

He says that he dosen't want to be friends with me because I don't seem to be as sociallly developed as him, yet Im not sure if I can take him serousliy since he's only 17. But I guess I should trust people right? BTW, I have spoken with conselors but I would just like some advice on here. 

So I would like some tips on how to improve social skills with others.


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## EddyHeady (Oct 3, 2011)

I have a friend who has CP that reminds me of what you wrote. He's trained himself through many years to make his physical behaviour seem normal. Don't know how extreme your condition is though. He's also had problems in his past, with friends and so on. He's never even kissed a girl and don't know how to get a girlfriend even though he's the same age as me, 20. He's the type who's longing for friends and company now that he's had many of at the college/folk high school where we met and he met all his friends that he have now. He's very introverted but try's so hard to be extroverted which is very annoying for me and my extroverted friends. Always pushing on us, inviting us over, being over friendly. To me it seems like he lacks some social skills, or antennas, that makes him fun to be with every once in a while, but it doesn't require a lot to make it too much/annoying. He are very successful though, because of his drive. He's very talented and one of the best VFX guys I know of, and at his age I know of none better. His interest in VFX has gotten him contacts, friends, a good job and will get him a long way. And along this way I'm sure he'll adapt and make many good friends in addition to those he have now.

To improve your social skills you have to be able to have confidence with the ones you're around. You need to feel that you fit in, and that you're comfortable. Whenever you're nervous or afraid to confront someone or talk to someone, do it anyway and overcome the fear. That builds up your confidence and is very much required to improve your skills. To find these people you can be comfortable with, I would recommend a hobby or interest that's team based, just like my friend's VFX interest that turned into his career. He works with people all day long, while having enough time to himself. People know how good he is at what he does, and contacts him for more work. Through that he's acknowledged and it's easier for him to meet people and befriend them. So if you have an interest that you can share with others, that requires you to work with other people. Especially if it's something people need as a resource, as it will help you a long way, friend and social wise or career wise. So specialize yourself in an area or two, is the advice I can give, as the social skills comes from time and experience. And not tricks or tips on how to approach people.


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## Selene (Aug 2, 2009)

I feel like when I'm good at navigating social situations, it's if I have a kind of confidence that I'm a decent, good, adequate person; I have good things and positive energy to share with others; and my identity as a person isn't going to be completely shattered if another person thinks poorly of me.

But, I feel like that's kind of a big thing for me. Generally, I feel like my confidence in my social skills improves when:

 I spend my free time well doing things that I'm proud of and avoiding things that make me feel like a crappy person 
I take care of my body (so that I have the energy to be around people) - sleep, diet, exercise 
I regularly do something related to self-expression or self-exploration to resolve feelings/thoughts that I don't feel comfortable bringing up in a normal conversation 
I have some kind of consistent story about myself and what I'm doing, where I'm going, so that I'm not caught off-guard in conversations when people ask me to talk about myself 
I have some goals, values, interests, or hobbies that I enjoy and appreciate for their own merits independent of what other people think of me. That way, if I bomb in a social situation, other people don't like me (for reasons partly beyond my control), or I just don't feel like being social, I don't feel like my entire self-image is being torn to shreds. 
I try to act nicely to other people, manage my personal responsibilities, and avoid hurting others as much as I'm able to, so that I don't feel guilty or like I'm splintered by unmet obligations 
Keep in mind that if other people do things to me that I don't like, sometimes it's because of their shortcomings and flaws as much as mine, although I still want to try to be as calm and composed as I can. But, not everything is totally my fault, even if it seems that way.  
 
And I feel like generally if you do something enough, it becomes habit and gets easier/more natural over time.

Peace sir.


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## superbundle (Nov 29, 2012)

Take risks. 

Make a challenge for yourself every day. Could be as simple as: Saying hello/good morning to neighbors.

At the end of the day, go over what you have accomplished, pat yourself in the back. For what you could improve on, use it as a mental note for next time. Because there will always be another chance. 

Take every Opportunity you can. 

Congratulate Yourself for Trying.

Just keep going like this.

During this time, you'll need motivation. Identify what your motivation is Right Now. Why do you want to improve your social skills? 

If it's to be like everybody else, or "normal", theres no such thing. Everybody is taken, just be You. We're all Human, anyway. We all have our own quirks and differences. It makes us unique. By that, I mean that it makes us have different needs. Different needs means to accommodate to those needs. They can't be changed. They're fixed properties. 

Try to list what your Needs are. List what your Wants are. Are you aware of what you Need and what you Want?

Then find your motivation. What's your dream? Where do you see yourself in the future? Strive towards that image. Serve for that Dream. Use that list of Needs and Wants as a guide. It's hard to know right away what we Need and what we Want, so *keep that list and revisit it often, make changes, cross things out, rewrite, add on. 
*
That's your key to staying balanced. If you're stressed, that means your needs and wants aren't being met. It's your job to figure out what they are because no one else can do it for you.


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