# Breaking up - Fe vs. Fi?



## Dark NiTe (Mar 5, 2012)

Is there a difference in the way someone who utilizes one function, will handle a break up/divorce, as opposed to the other? Would Fi users be more depressed/nonconfrontational about it, while Fe users be more insulted/confrontational?

Discuss.


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## newme (Mar 12, 2012)

I'm INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Si) - and this is how I handled my last breakup. I finally came out of the closet to my husband, who had suspected gay tendencies in me for a while. Then I suggested one of our friends as his new girlfriend. I had known for ages that they would be a great match (Ni Fe, i presume). He had never thought of her like that before, but he also thought it was a great idea. We talked to her about it together, and within a week they were a couple. They are really great for eachother, and we're the best of friends all three of us. No jealousy at all. (They're both ENFPs). He is still one of my closest friends.


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## Scarecrow793 (May 8, 2011)

My past two girlfriends have done a similar thing of going along and acting like everything's fine (although I could tell it wasn't) and then telling me they "want to be apart for a while to work on some things, etc." and then getting absolutely furious when I want to discuss it or try to talk things over. They were, I believe, ENFP and ISFP, where I am ENTP, me having auxilary Fe and them having strong Fi, so so far, your theory is holding water. Fe wants to resolve the situation and bring it back into balance, Fi wants to situation to not exist. Equally valid, and I think this approach in other areas of life resulted in the communication deficit that ultimately drove me apart from both young ladies.


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## Dark NiTe (Mar 5, 2012)

Interesting. Reason I've said this, is that over the years I've had some STP types turn into Fatal Attraction incarnate, but I've noticed that some of the presumed SFP/NFP types will either approach things in what I would consider a rational manner, and show sadness above all, and sometimes just disappear completely, quitting their job otherwise inexplicably.


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## allisreal (Mar 23, 2010)

When me and ENFJ ex-girlfriend broke up and had our numerous other talks about getting back together, we pretty much laid everything out on the table. If someone wants to talk, especially if it's a girlfriend I'm definitely more than receptive, but I will say after a little while it got old and I just didn't care to delve into deep emotional conversations with her. At times during our relationship she would take on the whole "I'm fine" role sometimes not to stir things up. Breaking up with my ISFP girlfriend was a different matter. Initially we broke it off for the summer because we would be in different locations and we weren't technically in a relationship. We kind of both went with the flow of things and never thought to define the relationship or have many related discussions even though it was implied (My ENFJ girlfriend on the other hand was big on labels). When we finally got back to school to talk about it, I said straight up that I didn't think we should do this anymore. She said that she was thinking the same thing. And that was literally all that was said about the issue. Then we got right back into the conversation about our summer adventures we had been having before. I left her room and even saw her later that night. We continued hanging out as friends the whole rest of the school year and the conversation about what once was never resurfaced.


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

Scarecrow793 said:


> My past two girlfriends have done a similar thing of going along and acting like everything's fine (although I could tell it wasn't) and then telling me they "want to be apart for a while to work on some things, etc." and then getting absolutely furious when I want to discuss it or try to talk things over. They were, I believe, ENFP and ISFP, where I am ENTP, me having auxilary Fe and them having strong Fi, so so far, your theory is holding water. Fe wants to resolve the situation and bring it back into balance, Fi wants to situation to not exist. Equally valid, and I think this approach in other areas of life resulted in the communication deficit that ultimately drove me apart from both young ladies.


I disagree.

Or maybe it's because my Fe is in the inferior position. 
While I haven't been in a relationship...

Everything INTP

Mandy and the Lords of the Void • Said by an INTP friend when we were talking about...

I do have a hunch that I would probably be like this, though.


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

Navi said:


> I disagree.
> 
> Or maybe it's because my Fe is in the inferior position.
> While I haven't been in a relationship...
> ...



Eh, scratch that. Health and maturity levels are too much of a factor, as well as enneatype.

For breaking up, though? Honestly, no clue. 


I'm confrontational in general, though. But I think that there would be too many factors and possibilities that may skew the results to how one could react. The above still rings true in the sense that it could be a possible factor (i.e; it may not feel "natural" and using the inferior can often be a confusing thing).


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## Veeg (Jan 24, 2011)

newme said:


> I'm INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Si) - and this is how I handled my last breakup. I finally came out of the closet to my husband, who had suspected gay tendencies in me for a while. Then I suggested one of our friends as his new girlfriend. I had known for ages that they would be a great match (Ni Fe, i presume). He had never thought of her like that before, but he also thought it was a great idea. We talked to her about it together, and within a week they were a couple. They are really great for eachother, and we're the best of friends all three of us. No jealousy at all. (They're both ENFPs). He is still one of my closest friends.


I really have to say this all sounds very, very weird to me.


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## StaceofBass (Jul 1, 2012)

I honestly think enneatype may play a bigger role in this than MBTI, but I don't know.

In my last break up, I was more confrontational more because I had to be. He broke up with me, but he sort of initiated a FWB scenario and had me believe we'd get back together in the future. I started feeling used which picked away at my self esteem. Hence why I became confrontational. I wanted to know how he felt, if he felt the same way as I did, and if he really meant it that we'd get back together. All I ever got was "I don't know". So I stopped talking to him altogether after a while.


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## Cosmicsense (Dec 7, 2011)

My last girlfriend was an ENFJ, and completely wrecked me with her idiotic attempts to be nice by lying to me non freaking stop. 

First off, she didn't tell me dick about any issues until she was drunk and we were out in public. Then she started screaming at me about shit I didn't even realize was an issue at all...in front of our mutual friends. So I told her if that was how she really felt, we should break up, and she said okay...I was completely perplexed by this all. 

Morning came, she tried to say it was because she was just drunk?? and basically wanted me back. I was ticked, and said we needed time apart. She could date, but I wouldn't. If she dated, I just wanted her to let me know so I could move on with my life and not remain emotionally attached. She agreed, and immediately started dating without letting me know. 

I began to realize rather quickly that she was lying to me with pretty much every phone conversation we had after this point. I called her out repeatedly, and she kept digging a deeper hole. I kept giving her chances to come clean, but she refused and instead just wanted to play super nice, and lie to me. It drove me insane. 

I ended up feeling that she was a sadistic bitch and yelled at her after a month or two of this crazy shennanigans. It turned out all my hunches were correct. A mutual friend told me that she started screwing my best friend from highschool the week after we broke up, and was now a wreck sleeping from guy to guy. I went berserk on her verbally at this point, because all I needed was honesty from her. I felt completely screwed over, and let her have it. She justified filing a restraining order on me at this point, instead of simply giving me three freaking minutes of honesty and coming clean. 

I decided that she was so self-deluded at this point, and could play the damsel in distress so well in court, that there was no reason for me to bother making a fool trying to defend myself. I cut my losses, and moved on. I lost mutual friends over this, who didn't understand why I kept contacting her. I told them exactly what happened, and they thought this couldn't be true. Unhealthy Fe has such a need to feel good that they will lie to their selves non freaking stop, and convince other people that they're in the right, and the other party must be to blame...how could little ole all smiles cause so much harm to this guy who is bitching at her...for no good reason, of course, right?? 

Freaking nuts. Complete waste, yet I wouldn't have it any other way. The bitch deserved to be bitched at for her transgressions.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Cosmicsense said:


> My last girlfriend was an ENFJ, and completely wrecked me with her idiotic attempts to be nice by lying to me non freaking stop.
> 
> First off, she didn't tell me dick about any issues until she was drunk and we were out in public. Then she started screaming at me about shit I didn't even realize was an issue at all...in front of our mutual friends. So I told her if that was how she really felt, we should break up, and she said okay...I was completely perplexed by this all.
> 
> ...


Good example of a person with no integrity. Bad example of the typical Fe dom. 

And I'm sorry this happened to you.


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