# Sex for the ISTJ



## SeekJess

Do you have to have it? Can you go long periods without it? If you are single do you participate in sexual acts? Does it have to be someone you know really well, and are intimately close to? Or can it be just anybody? What about you guys? 


For me, I would prefer to have it.. But I have been celibate for almost two years, because I want the next person I have sex with to be the man I marry. It would have to be someone I know, and someone that I am emotionally close to, I need that intimacy. I am single, and I don't go out of my way to look for sexual partners.


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## Flipit

SeekJess said:


> Do you have to have it? Can you go long periods without it? If you are single do you participate in sexual acts? Does it have to be someone you know really well, and are intimately close to? Or can it be just anybody? What about you guys?
> 
> 
> For me, I would prefer to have it.. But I have been celibate for almost two years, because I want the next person I have sex with to be the man I marry. It would have to be someone I know, and someone that I am emotionally close to, I need that intimacy. I am single, and I don't go out of my way to look for sexual partners.


I don't have it and yes, it has to be somebody who I'm close to.

As you say, I want this to be with the wife that I'll eventually find. I personally think it's more harm than good, because in my opinion, sex is a special act and a gift that should only be shared with people you genuinely love. When people have sex with random people regularly, I just think it loses its value - it is not a gift given to the other person, but merely a way to reach satisfaction. Sure it's different when the person involved finds their soulmate, but I still think it will be a lot more joyful for both parts involved in the marriage/relationship, if the sex they've had is none to little. I'm not only with this opinion because of my point of view - permarital sex is also wrong according to my religious belief.

Unfortunately, society has a completely different point of view. Not having had sex when reaching adult age places you with the minority, and it's easy to label these *virgins* (more of an abusive term now). As a guy I do have a sex drive, and I believe it would be physically delightful to have, but that's all about it. As an ISTJ I don't value socializing highly, and trying to get sex would just be a desperate strive for temporary pleasure. I can understand why extroverted people see it as a bonus to their socializing, but for an introvert I just don't consider it worth it.


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## Mercer

SeekJess said:


> Do you have to have it? Can you go long periods without it? If you are single do you participate in sexual acts? Does it have to be someone you know really well, and are intimately close to? Or can it be just anybody? What about you guys?
> 
> 
> For me, I would prefer to have it.. But I have been celibate for almost two years, because I want the next person I have sex with to be the man I marry. It would have to be someone I know, and someone that I am emotionally close to, I need that intimacy. I am single, and I don't go out of my way to look for sexual partners.


i like sex alot. i havent had it in a long time because im so introverted, and thus dont meet many women. i will accomedate casual sexual relationships. when i have it i've been told that im very rough and dominant, which is the exact opposite of my social personality. but i do think its over rated. the first time i had sex, i enjoyed it, but all the videos and shit i had seen over the years told me that it would be so much better. that didnt stop me from seeking it out again and again and ruining every relationship i ever had


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## Perseus

Don't bother with an INTP. We don't like ISTJ style sex. 

Try an ESFJ; they are your sort.


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## SeekJess

haha whattt.


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## Tkae

:mellow:

Uhhh...

Well, it seems you guys either have a lot of sex or no sex.

Kudos to the whole celibacy for those of you doing it.

Rough sex is good too though...

Is it hot in here to anyone else?


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## SeekJess

Lol. I read somewhere when ISTJ's are having sex, they will want it as a routine, like everyday.. they expect it.


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## Tkae

SeekJess said:


> Lol. I read somewhere when ISTJ's are having sex, they will want it as a routine, like everyday.. they expect it.


Yeah, I've read it too. That they treat sex like a release of sexual tension more than an emotional expression or something to indulge in, and work it into a daily (weekly rather) schedule just like they would eating or sleeping or taking a shower or something.

I said daily since you don't take showers on a weekly basis and all that. Weekly is more accurate for sex (I hope )


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## SeekJess

whats wrong with daily..


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## Tkae

SeekJess said:


> whats wrong with daily..


Nothing's wrong with daily, but if you're being rough too...

Daily and rough might jack up your squishy :shocked:

And, as a squishy, I prefer to have my sex not jack me up.

Which isn't to say I don't like it when you guys are rough with me... daily might just be too... painful? :tongue:


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## SeekJess

lol.. makes sense i guess.


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## Stoic

No I don't have sex. I am almost twenty and a virgin. This is due to a combination of lack of opportunity and choice, because even if the opportunity presented itself, I would still decline because as already stated the person I want to share that with, I will want to be with forever.


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## bebeserene

from this thread it seems that ISTJs are somewhat similar to INFPs in their ideas about sex. sharing yourself with just one person, forever.

i guess INFPs aren't the only MBTI idealists around.


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## TreeBob

bebeserene said:


> i guess INFPs aren't the only MBTI idealists around.


The few infp I know in real life aren't looking to have one partner forever. I think you are living in a personal dream world.


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## Tkae

TreeBob said:


> The few infp I know in real life aren't looking to have one partner forever. I think you are living in a personal dream world.


Really?

Because most INFP believe in a kind of "true" romance, which involves one person they love deeply for the rest of their life, i.e. one partner forever.

There's a difference between an ISTJ and INFP in regards to sex. It's just hard to explain.

The best way I've seen it put is that ISTJs consider it fulfilling a role, or as letting off sexual tension. INFP apply the same kind of romantic expression to sex that they do to every other romantic aspect (with proportion applied). In other words, ISTJ see it as a kind of traditional expression of their love, but don't really apply the "romance" to it that we do. Whereas INFP view it as a symbol of their most deepest of trusts and love. 

Idk, it' shard to explain.

But, again Treebob -- either you've misinterpreted their intentions, or you have some loose INFP friends, because there's an entire thread on this subject over in the INFP forums and it's the consensus of almost every INFP here that sex is reserved for very, VERY specific people.

It's not the original goal to only have one person for our entire lives, but it's the standard we aim for. It's kind of like... we set out with that intention, but then the saying, "A foolish inconsistency is the hobgoblin of small minds" applies -- we move with the changing currents. But that doesn't mean we don't have a general destination in mind.


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## bebeserene

when INFPs start behaving promiscuously it's because their romantic ideals have been shattered and they are generally either deeply depressed or otherwise in denial about their pain (i.e. pretending to not care) and in general not being true to themselves.

destroyed INFP heart => intense emotional pain => emotional numbness => pretended indifference => potentially acting in ways counter to their original ideals and belief that led to aforementioned pain in an attempt to pretend that it doesn't matter (that the original sexual connection was meaningless, as "proven" by having subsequent meaningless sexual connections) or that the ideals that led to the pain no longer hold true.

so to put it in a gross generalisation, these INFPs you know who "aren't looking" for one partner forever are either lying to themselves or to you.
or else you don't realise that you've just been talking to them on a theoretical level that doesn't quite fully connect with actual behaviour. we like to bat ideas around for fun sometimes. that doesn't mean we'd actually carry out those ideas in real life. from the ease with which i talk/joke about sex, i bet (actually i know) a lot of really non-intuitive folk just assume i'm super promiscuous. nothing could be farther from the truth. and i'm not close enough to most to bother correcting their misguided notions. i know myself. if someone else misjudges me, that's their problem, not mine.


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## bebeserene

Tkae said:


> There's a difference between an ISTJ and INFP in regards to sex. It's just hard to explain.
> 
> The best way I've seen it put is that ISTJs consider it fulfilling a role, or as letting off sexual tension. INFP apply the same kind of romantic expression to sex that they do to every other romantic aspect (with proportion applied). In other words, ISTJ see it as a kind of traditional expression of their love, but don't really apply the "romance" to it that we do. Whereas INFP view it as a symbol of their most deepest of trusts and love.


Well, I'll just put it this way. From what I understand about ISTJs, their highest value is encompassed by loyalty and duty towards the people and traditions they are devoted to. They are the Duty-Fulfillers after all.

And from what I understand about INFPs, their highest value is encompassed by striving towards (sometimes) unreachable ideals, including ideals about love and romance. We are the Idealists after all.

In the end, if the ISTJs approach and have sex as a fulfilment of their duty, why is that any less valuable or "romantic" than the INFP approaching and having sex as a fulfilment of their romantic ideals?

After all, it seems that the ISTJs around here also have this idea in mind of eventually finding and being with, and having sex with, one person forever. Sounds pretty romantic and idealistic to me. And if the way they show their love is through loyalty, devotion and dutiful fulfilment of their sexual role, I'll take that any day. It's just a different way to express your love.

I guess it's a rather romantic, INFP idea that you can find your soulmate and be or feel in love with that person forever. Feelings change from time to time, but I guess the trick is realising that you can still love someone without always feeling in love. And perhaps the "in love" feeling can return if you stick with it long enough to iron out the details.

So an INFP will love someone even if the love is unrequited, and dreams of being with one person for the rest of their lives, but almost solely based on the idea that you can find someone for whom you "feel" romantically and soulfully connected to forever and ever until you die. Which is great, except feelings can be fickle sometimes.

So I think that the ISTJ idea that you can find someone to be devoted to for the rest of your life and that you're willing to carry out that devotion even if you start to feel differently and begin to suffer as a result of it is equally romantic, but in a totally different way. It's a different kind of love, but I wouldn't say it's worth any less than an INFP emotional kind of love.

That's my 2 cents.

All of this in the end applies to sex as well of course. Once you start talking about having sex with only one person for the rest of your life, I guess it's pretty clear that you're set on loving this person for the rest of your life.


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## Lilsnowy

*Mercer,* I grew up a little before you and the sad thing is, all the videos and porn that you have access to today have the exact opposite effect of teaching you about sex. They take the deep emotion out of it, and make perfect (and often enhanced) bodies and quick satisfaction everything. I think people were happier when they were only close to one person and couldn't make all the comparisons to porn actors.

This might shock some of you, but there was a time in recent history, when it was a huge deal for a guy to see his girl's bare stomach and hips for the first time. Because _no one else_ had. I feel for all of you. When you can watch ads showing women in 'cheeky' panties and push up bras right after ads for breakfast cereal, there's little left to discover anymore. 

Do your future loves a favor and learn discipline and self control and put the porn away.


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## TreeBob

Tkae said:


> Really?
> 
> Because most INFP believe in a kind of "true" romance, which involves one person they love deeply for the rest of their life, i.e. one partner forever.
> Idk, it' shard to explain.
> 
> But, again Treebob -- either you've misinterpreted their intentions, or you have some loose INFP friends, because there's an entire thread on this subject over in the INFP forums and it's the consensus of almost every INFP here that sex is reserved for very, VERY specific people.
> 
> It's not the original goal to only have one person for our entire lives, but it's the standard we aim for. It's kind of like... we set out with that intention, but then the saying, "A foolish inconsistency is the hobgoblin of small minds" applies -- we move with the changing currents. But that doesn't mean we don't have a general destination in mind.


I am not misinterpreting anything. I will agree that INFP have the ideal that they want to be with one person forever. I do too. Ideals don't really mean squat sometimes though. The infp who I mentioned loved me and I loved her. Was it the deepest love ever? I doubt it. When she drank though she changed and not for the better. Seriously though, you all can say you have great ideals but it doesn't mean you will stick to them. 

ISTJ do feel a dutiful obligation to remain faithful and I am sure they could cheat under the right circumstances. I think though they are less likely to compared to other types. They may break it off with the person first.


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## vivalamusica2012

My ISTJ partner is basically as described. He expects it regularly and while I'm happy to oblige, he is almost completely emotionless about it. I think for some it is mostly just a release of sexual tension. For me the sex is great, but the lack of emotional connection is trying. Just my experiences and I definitely would not try to generalize.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech14

As a person "new" to this personality type , I like the discussion forum. I'm not a perv though, so don't get the wrong idea of me. I previously believed I had an INTJ personality, but have recently found I'm an ISTJ. So I believe I'll be able to identify with others discussing this topic. Sex is on my mind a lot, but not necessarily all the time like a lot of guys. There are other facets of my life I'd like to discuss. So I would leave it at that, I like sex and enjoy it, but it is only one part of my life, I have some other things that demand my attention a little more frequentley, so I'll leave it at that.


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## Tkae

vivalamusica2012 said:


> My ISTJ partner is basically as described. He expects it regularly and while I'm happy to oblige, he is almost completely emotionless about it. I think for some it is mostly just a release of sexual tension. For me the sex is great, but the lack of emotional connection is trying. Just my experiences and I definitely would not try to generalize.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's something I might have trouble with. As long as it's passionate to a certain degree, I think I could put up with it -- like if we were having a fight and it suddenly turned into hot, steamy sex, then I could be happy after that. Or as long as when it was over they at least cuddle or kissed me, or did something to show that it was meaningful.

But when it's scheduled and scripted and ends without a single word or hug or kiss, then just a wordless grunt and rolling over to sleep... I need more intimacy than that


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## Perseus

vivalamusica2012 said:


> My ISTJ partner is basically as described. He expects it regularly and while I'm happy to oblige, he is almost completely emotionless about it. I think for some it is mostly just a release of sexual tension. For me the sex is great, but the lack of emotional connection is trying. Just my experiences and I definitely would not try to generalize.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




There should be a law against ISTJs having sex with ENFPs. The Dogs should be chained up in the kennels and not allowed to play with Ferrets. 

Mary Whitehouse


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## Coveny

SeekJess said:


> Do you have to have it?


Yes



SeekJess said:


> Can you go long periods without it?


Longest I've went is 9 weeks during Basic Training after I started having sex around 12. (yes in Arkansas we start young.) :wink:



SeekJess said:


> If you are single do you participate in sexual acts?


I think your asking even I've ever been celibite, and I haven't




SeekJess said:


> Does it have to be someone you know really well, and are intimately close to?


I can only speak for myself, but I've found the vast majority of people find me nearly impossible to understand. Dating is a nightmare because of this, I still hate it to this day. The simple true is there is so much lying in the world honesty just sounds like brutal meanness. Threw the years I've learned socially to put a mask on so that I can function. I use this with the woman I date, and slowly remove the mask as they become more invested. I'm conflicted about this, but it's the "rules" to dating if you want to actually have a girlfriend.





SeekJess said:


> Or can it be just anybody?


I also only want to date women who I believe could form long term relationships with so this lowers the pool as well. I don't want woman who are "mysterious" because to me that is the same thing as dishonest. I prefer open woman who are submissive, but I understand how difficult it can be for people in our society to be open. My general rule is that as long as she's willing to work on it, I'm willing to work on the relationship.





SeekJess said:


> they will want it as a routine, like everyday.. they expect it.


Well I wouldn't say a routine per say, but personally I like there to be a concrete minium amount for long term relationships just so my expectations are understood. However, now that you mention it like that I can REALLY see how other would see that as a routine. In the spirit of full disclosure I will say that I told one of my wifes that we needed to have sex at least 2 times a week and I got a BJ at least 1 ever two weeks. In retrospect, a horrible thing to say to a woman, but of course now I understand it was my desire to have "rules" and expectations. Not my finest hour, that's for sure.

I would say that I'm a romantic rather than an idealist. I like the idea of falling in love, but I still want the practiacallity of knowing I'm going to get sexual tension released. Talking about the practicallity generally makes people believe there is no caring and emotion in you. I think we as ISTJ's have the same type of sex as everyone else. Sometimes it's deeply meaning for soul touching and sometimes you just want to get it done in hopes that you'll actually be able to go to sleep. :tongue: 

Something you should understand though, all of our lovers are dishonest. I know stating it as an absolute means that it's a false statement but that's how I feel. I'm not sure woman even have the skills needed to be fully honest in the bedroom from go with a man. What this means to me as an ISTJ is that I can't trust you like I want to because I know to one degree or another your "faking". Hmm I should soften that up a bit. ISTJ are VERY "alert" people we see alot of details and we make sure that all the "signs" fit. Woman are conditioned to stroke a man's ego in the bedroom even if they don't "feel" it. Let me assure you if you're not willing to show us your "true" emotions, we're most likely catch you. My advice to you if you are in a relationship with a ISTJ is that if you aren't certain that you feel it, don't show it. Hopefully this will start an open and frank discussion about what you want from sex, and you can have your needs met. This will breed loyality and trust, which we prize.


On the porn subject:
You'll find this strange (joke) but I think porn has some practiacal uses. (Well I thought it was funny) But seriously if you use it for what it's suppose to be it's great. Using it as a guide is like watching nascar to get an idea what driving is going to be like. (did I mention I'm from Arkansas?) Porn is a fantasy, and even as ISTJ's we still have fantasies. Logic should tell you ISTJ porn watchers though that real sex isn't going to be like porn. Here are some points for my ISTJ's
1) Holding and moving in difficult positions isn't enjoyable.
2) Porn is done in front of a camera, in front of an audience. This means the "actors" have to be excibitionist. Does your girlfriend like to have sex with you in front of your friends? Hell do YOU like having sex in front of your friends? We're introverts!
3) A professional boxer has trained to take a hit. You must assume that a professional whore has trained to be able to preform and um "accept" the way she does because she's trained. Most woman can't DT or do "back door" with the ease that a "pro" can.


Vivalamusica2012 
I can not stress enough how talking to your partner can help you if that's what you truely desire. ISTJ's have a very strong desire to give you what you need. Duty sounds like an ugly word in this situation so I'm trying not to use it. If he's anything like me and your honest with him about what you want, I have no doubt he'll attempt to provide you what you desire. You'll need to be patient though, because he'll have to (for lack of a better word) translate things into how you want them to be. That might not make sense to you but it would make sense to him. Hmm in other words he has an emotional connection with you, and you have an emotional connection with him. He doesn't feel like he needs to show it, because some dumbass told us "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Guess what? He's fine with you not showing emotion in the bedroom, so he has the misguided belief that you feel the same way. 


I should note at this point I'm talking from my own experience, and pitfalls I've had in relationships. I don't know your boyfriend so I can't speak for him, nor do I know much about him other than he is willing to label himself as the same personality type as me. ISTJ


For the last 15 years I've worked in the customer service industry and it's forced me to either become more "normal". In some ways I feel like I've exchanged some of who I am so that I can be accepted in society. I go to work and put on a mask so that I can interact with others in such a way as to not make them feel bad. (personally I have a problem with being brutally honest as I feel that's the way everyone "should" be) If it wasn't for my job I would have quit trying to get along with others and become more introverted. What it has given me is a better understanding of people in general, and I hope with this post I can help explain to you where I've come from, with the information that I have now.


Hope this answers your questions, and helps you understand my type.


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## ollie

Tkae said:


> As long as it's passionate to a certain degree, I think I could put up with it -- like if we were having a fight and it suddenly turned into hot, steamy sex, then I could be happy after that. Or as long as when it was over they at least cuddle or kissed me, or did something to show that it was meaningful.
> 
> But when it's scheduled and scripted and ends without a single word or hug or kiss, then just a wordless grunt and rolling over to sleep... I need more intimacy than that


I don't know enough about all the types to generalize, but personally, I like knowing that it was meaningful to my partner, and that it was appreciated/pleasureable for him too. Sometimes though, I don't get that from my ESTP partner, and I don't know if it's more of a personal quality (i.e. if he's an anomaly of the general type), or if it's something that is common for many ESTPs.

I do agree that the act does release some of the sexual tension built up over the day/week. And I don't see anything wrong with having it daily, as long as both partners are up to it. Maybe I haven't been in sexual relationships long enough to say, but I've never felt that sex is a duty at all. If anything, sex is something pleasureable and special that I can share with the person I love. As you can probably tell, I do subscribe to the ideal that I will meet the person I will spend the rest of my life with, but sometimes things just don't turn out the way you think they will. Despite this, I do have to find someone that I'm emotionally attached to to actually want to carry out such an intimate act with them.

Sorry if this post is confusing. Ideas just came and went and I just tried to put them together in the most coherent manner possible, while attempting not to miss any of the points in my reply.


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## Haruhi Suzumiya

Lilsnowy said:


> *Mercer,* I grew up a little before you and the sad thing is, all the videos and porn that you have access to today have the exact opposite effect of teaching you about sex. They take the deep emotion out of it, and make perfect (and often enhanced) bodies and quick satisfaction everything. I think people were happier when they were only close to one person and couldn't make all the comparisons to porn actors.
> 
> This might shock some of you, but there was a time in recent history, when it was a huge deal for a guy to see his girl's bare stomach and hips for the first time. Because _no one else_ had. I feel for all of you. When you can watch ads showing women in 'cheeky' panties and push up bras right after ads for breakfast cereal, there's little left to discover anymore.
> 
> Do your future loves a favor and learn discipline and self control and put the porn away.


 This is a very depressing post.


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## MissxRae

bebeserene said:


> Well, I'll just put it this way. From what I understand about ISTJs, their highest value is encompassed by loyalty and duty towards the people and traditions they are devoted to. They are the Duty-Fulfillers after all.
> 
> And from what I understand about INFPs, their highest value is encompassed by striving towards (sometimes) unreachable ideals, including ideals about love and romance. We are the Idealists after all.
> 
> In the end, if the ISTJs approach and have sex as a fulfilment of their duty, why is that any less valuable or "romantic" than the INFP approaching and having sex as a fulfilment of their romantic ideals?
> 
> After all, it seems that the ISTJs around here also have this idea in mind of eventually finding and being with, and having sex with, one person forever. Sounds pretty romantic and idealistic to me. And if the way they show their love is through loyalty, devotion and dutiful fulfilment of their sexual role, I'll take that any day. It's just a different way to express your love.
> 
> I guess it's a rather romantic, INFP idea that you can find your soulmate and be or feel in love with that person forever. Feelings change from time to time, but I guess the trick is realising that you can still love someone without always feeling in love. And perhaps the "in love" feeling can return if you stick with it long enough to iron out the details.
> 
> So an INFP will love someone even if the love is unrequited, and dreams of being with one person for the rest of their lives, but almost solely based on the idea that you can find someone for whom you "feel" romantically and soulfully connected to forever and ever until you die. Which is great, except feelings can be fickle sometimes.
> 
> So I think that the ISTJ idea that you can find someone to be devoted to for the rest of your life and that you're willing to carry out that devotion even if you start to feel differently and begin to suffer as a result of it is equally romantic, but in a totally different way. It's a different kind of love, but I wouldn't say it's worth any less than an INFP emotional kind of love.
> 
> That's my 2 cents.
> 
> All of this in the end applies to sex as well of course. Once you start talking about having sex with only one person for the rest of your life, I guess it's pretty clear that you're set on loving this person for the rest of your life.



After reading this, it made me realized I was an EXTREME INFP when I was younger...until multiple heart breaks, broken trusts and back-stabbing made reality sock me hard in the face...


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## AuSet

Hmm, about ISTJs and sex. 

I could write a lot, having been in a relationship with one for over seven years. 

As my understanding goes, most SJs in general have traditional attitudes about sex, not only that it is reserved for marriage, but the actually sex itself tends to be pretty idealized and vanilla-ish, kinda like the usual love scenes we see in movies. 
As for the routine sex/ISTJ connection, that they use it as a way to let off steam/tension, I'm not so sure. My ISTJ guy tends to be on the very low end of the sex drive scale. So I initiate things about 95% of the time. I basically run the show. 
I would really love for there to be a bit more imagination, creativity in our sex life. Or, even to have sex anywhere other than the bedroom. But he feels very uncomfortable with even the smallest change. 
That being said, the vanilla sex we have is very good, because our chemistry with eachother is quite good. I just wish we could take it to the next levels, so to speak. I have so many ideas in my head, and very few sexual limits.
This has been discussed quite a lot between us, but it seems we are not speaking eachother's language. (N/S) 
Are there other ISTJs out there on the low end of the sexual interest/desire scale?


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## ollie

Hrm...I don't THINK I'm on the low end of the scale, but then again, you'd have to ask my boyfriend for his opinion on that too.

As for creativity, I feel like I'm plenty creative, but my boyfriend's ESTP, so there are no Ns here and it's hard to compare.


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## TreeBob

ollie said:


> Hrm...I don't THINK I'm on the low end of the scale, but then again, you'd have to ask my boyfriend for his opinion on that too.
> 
> As for creativity, I feel like I'm plenty creative, but my boyfriend's ESTP, so there are no Ns here and it's hard to compare.


ummmmm



I think ISTJs are pretty good in bed


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## Aceries

I think INFP's are pretty good in bed.
Oh wait, I'm an INFP.
What a coincidence. :shocked:

:crazy:


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## Merov

Lol...what a curious subject 

Sex is a difficuilt one. I myself want sex all the time, because I'm a guy, in part, but on the other hand, I'm hoping for a virgin to a girl thats only been with one other guy. Otherwise it just loses the speciality of intamacy.

I mean, if everyone kissed each other to say hello, the commodity of kissing would also lose it's value.
It's a difficuilt subject, but I think back in the 17th century when shivelry and the like was still the code, woman were respected, and love was fought for.

The reward, offcourse being a beautiful virgin bride.

In todays world, with std's and aids, it's a whole new ballgame, and woman are in no way holding back. They have come to know guys as the assholes we are, and allready know we're only with them for the sex, so they exchange alot of sexual partners.

Most guys with hot looks are just in it for the sex. Theres no other motivator.
Hot girls know they are desireable, and reap the rewards consequently, by choosing a rich guy or a guy with good looks or social superiority.

The average looking to ugly people (sorry for classifying) believe being a virgin, or treating it as special, will attract the "right" guy, who they usually hope will be attractive, but rarely is.

It's evolutionary bullshit if you ask me. Something about finding genetically fit males and females to mate with based on looks, not personality.

Sex should be special. I lost my virginity in a non special way, and to some extent regret ever going there. It has it's pro's and it's con's, but I still agree it should be special, not a commidity.

Thats why men have a right hand. :wink:

Also ladies, Tits or GTFO 

**Mods, please see the irony here. If need be edit, but please humor the irony.


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## RulesLawyer

Perseus said:


> Don't bother with an INTP. We don't like ISTJ style sex.
> 
> Try an ESFJ; they are your sort.


I have to ask... What is it that INTP doesn't like about "ISTJ style" ? (i'm assuimg you're going to explain ITJ style) and of course, the next question is, what would you have the ISTJ do differently?


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## coldpower27

Optimally it should be scheduled like a 3 times per week thing. I would expect it in a relationship, something that needs to be done for health and release of sexual tension.

I am up for casual partners once I get to know a little. I can't just meet up somebody and have sex right away! :wink:


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## Dreamsallot

AuSet said:


> Hmm, about ISTJs and sex.
> 
> I could write a lot, having been in a relationship with one for over seven years.
> 
> As my understanding goes, most SJs in general have traditional attitudes about sex, not only that it is reserved for marriage, but the actually sex itself tends to be pretty idealized and vanilla-ish, kinda like the usual love scenes we see in movies.
> As for the routine sex/ISTJ connection, that they use it as a way to let off steam/tension, I'm not so sure. My ISTJ guy tends to be on the very low end of the sex drive scale. So I initiate things about 95% of the time. I basically run the show.
> I would really love for there to be a bit more imagination, creativity in our sex life. Or, even to have sex anywhere other than the bedroom. But he feels very uncomfortable with even the smallest change.
> That being said, the vanilla sex we have is very good, because our chemistry with eachother is quite good. I just wish we could take it to the next levels, so to speak. I have so many ideas in my head, and very few sexual limits.
> This has been discussed quite a lot between us, but it seems we are not speaking eachother's language. (N/S)
> Are there other ISTJs out there on the low end of the sexual interest/desire scale?


Ya, my istj hubby has no sex drive.... and I am an infp, so things are not going well. He is a recovering alcoholic, has gotten religion, and he is just fine with our life. I am not. I'm so glad he has quit drinking, and I feel guilt over the fact I am growing away from him... no intimacy or even kissing, and this has been for almost 10 yrs. I have asked him to get close again, he told me that if I went to ALANON and got God in my life I would be happy, like he is. He says he never even thinks about sex. We had a decent sexual relationship untill his drinking got so bad and he was verbally abusive. We are great friends, room mates (altho we no longer share a bed) and we have a son whom we both love dearly. My istj man is so concentrating on himself, his problems and his 'duties'... he doesnt even 'see' what it's doing to me. I have been faithful, patient and it's not a matter of "I have let myself go", I get offers, men like me... and I have fantasies cuz what else do I have? lol I try to stay busy but I cant help but dream.... 

He never was as sexual as I was, but we were regular. He also used to like to be dominated in the sack and I always thought it was that deep down he thought sex was dirty and wrong. Might be a Catholic hang-up..... I can hear him thinking "I was forced, I am not a bad guy". lol

Bottom line we share so much, and he is a great guy! I have guilt just typing my feelings, can he be serious, does he really think I will go forever with out? 

Maybe I will, cuz both infp and istj dont ever like to leave.


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## griffster

my exhusband is an istj. we have a friendly relationship now, and actually did then, too. sex was part of the problem. BORING. I guess both of us being introverted did not communicate needs well. He seemed to have sex so that he could release tension......unless it was drunken sex- then the animal came out. hahahah......


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## wxdavid

wife is an ISTJ... and back in the early 2000s we went 17 months with no sex...

that was her choice

Now I dont bother... if she wnats it... and when the fuck does a ISTJ ever want sex?... she starts it. She has 
been in therapy for a while and is somewhat better... but I told her I am not going to stick around and risk more rejection. You have caused lot of pain -- she once called me a failure becuase I was a stay at Home Dad --- and you need to do stuff to show me you are interested.

so now things are " better" .... we have sex once a month

yippeee! 

on the other hand she had the best Tits I have ever seen ..in real life....


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## ollie

wxdavid said:


> wife is an ISTJ... and back in the early 2000s we went 17 months with no sex...
> 
> that was her choice
> 
> Now I dont bother... if she wnats it... and *when the fuck does a ISTJ ever want sex?*... she starts it. She has been in therapy for a while and is somewhat better... but I told her I am not going to stick around and risk more rejection. You have caused lot of pain -- she once called me a failure becuase I was a stay at Home Dad --- and you need to do stuff to show me you are interested.
> 
> so now things are " better" .... we have sex once a month
> 
> yippeee!
> 
> on the other hand she had the best Tits I have ever seen ..in real life....


I resent that. Sex is great. I wonder if I want it more than my boyfriend...:blushed:



coldpower27 said:


> Optimally it should be scheduled like a 3 times per week thing. I would expect it in a relationship, something that needs to be done for health and release of sexual tension.
> 
> I am up for casual partners once I get to know a little. I can't just meet up somebody and have sex right away! :wink:


Only thrice a week? Sigh. What about thrice a day? ...cuz....that's what I want.:tongue:


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## Sweetish

Geez.

I know it's bad to go around "typing" general characteristics such as dutiful sex to ISTJ- but, this is depressing for me to read.

Are you guys sure your partner doesn't have a low sex drive based on some other factors, like possibly their diet and/or medications or even depression? Possibly even an issue of perhaps feeling ashamed of their body? I was on a birth control pill for about a year, it messed up my libido badly and took me a couple years to recover from the impairment once I went off it. Same problem with my (ENFP) husband during a time period when the doctors wanted him to try anti-depressants and anxiety reducing pills, totally killed his sexual function, which depressed him much, much more.

Human beings need love, expressed as physical affection! We need sex, intimacy and passion! I feel so bad, reading this thread =\ I wish I could cast a spell on any partner out there who's less than interested, or not performing, so they'd be fueled by nothing but pure lust, care and adoration for their partner. I wish more lovers out there would put forth the effort to really be there for those they love, to focus on and to fulfill the other person's inner desires no matter the effort involved, the result of their partner's joy being their primary reward (and anything else a bonus).

Do ISTJ in general really not understand that compulsion- or, do they understand it, yet derive little to no joy from inspiring such pleasure in their partner? I mean, that's how I understand making love, as the sharing of pleasure- not just some routine, biologically driven exercise.

*sigh* This is an INTJ saying these things. I HAVE to have an emotional connection, or else enjoying anything sexual is very difficult for me to do. I also was taught certain things by an ENFP, things I couldn't fathom before meeting him, but once I did I felt appalled at my previous perceptions (I was raised very conservatively).

There's gotta be some fulfillment for you, some positive outcome where your needs are met. Relationships like that worry me because it's so easy to be enticed toward someone else becoming the one to adequately fulfill your needs- someone who isn't the SO =(

I'm very happy you have a healthy libido, ollie. *cheers*


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## AuSet

SweetSurrender, 
I am interested in the point you raised about partners trying their best to please eachother. I wonder if this is more a male-female difference rather than a personality difference. I believe as a woman I've invested a lot of time and energy into my partner. I spend a lot of time thinking about him, trying to understand him, trying to do things that make him happy. But I think it's reciprocated in different ways. As an ISTJ, he is service and duty oriented, with most of his jobs taking him in other directions. Relationship doesn't rank very high on his list of priorities. So I feel this has caused a lot of inequality in our marriage...while I'm running myself ragged on the merry go round, his main concerns are whatever he happens to be doing *in the moment.* Usually, those are work, and sleep, in that order. 

As one other ISTJ said on this thread, "I just don't think about sex that much." From what I have seen, this is true. Because they're just usually so busy with all their various duties and responsibilities.


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## eso

Qadosh said:


> Horniest? I'm sure that differs from person to person. Sleaziest? I don't think sleazy is a word commonly used to describe ISTJs.
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting concept. I've never given it much thought. Crazy wimmins. The part about the vacuum cleaner though... wouldn't that be based more on love language stuff? Like if someone pretty much didn't care about acts of service wouldn't vacuuming not really matter to her? I work with an ESFJ whose love language is acts of service and I know when her husband does something like cleaning the house she's over-the-top excited and so happy. I know when I was dating an ENFP acts of service weren't really recognized. She seemed to be like "eh, whatever. I appreciate it and stuff."


sorry about the sleeziest thing...it was for emphasis

horny owl is horny


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## niss

Qadosh said:


> Interesting concept. I've never given it much thought. Crazy wimmins. The part about the vacuum cleaner though... wouldn't that be based more on love language stuff? Like if someone pretty much didn't care about acts of service wouldn't vacuuming not really matter to her? I work with an ESFJ whose love language is acts of service and I know when her husband does something like cleaning the house she's over-the-top excited and so happy. I know when I was dating an ENFP acts of service weren't really recognized. She seemed to be like "eh, whatever. I appreciate it and stuff."


Vacuuming the carpet is different than acts of service. It gets something off of her plate and helps clear her mind of one of the bazillion things she is thinking about and needs to get done. It's more of a statement of "we're in this together, babe."

Setting up and keeping house brings a whole new dimension to the relationship.


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## Aßbiscuits

The ISTJ I knew would never tell me she loved me (then I found out she did actually love me, but we never got together and it's too late now) so I think sex was the ultimate expression for her. I never would've guessed she was in love with me, I thought we were best friends goofing around and decided to end it because we knew each other since we were small children and it just made me feel sick I was ruining our friendship for a bit of thoughtless fun. If I had've known she loved me then I'd say we'd have probably ended up together forever. Which is sad. But I love her as a friend so much that if I do ever feel like having sex with her or think about her too much I won't feel pain because having her as a friend and knowing that's more secure than a relationship is just as good. But it still sucks a little because she looks like an Italian Tifa Lockheart, she can cook and she was probably the best time I had in bed because she wasn't bossy, she did whatever I said, she learned quickly and she was awesome to look at >.

I got the impression sex to her was like release of all the sexual tension she'd felt being reimbursed throughout every intimate time we had together. But, disregarding what was said earlier I think it was to her, an ultimate expression of love and affection. Actions speak louder than words, especially for an ISTJ, right? She was willing to do anything to make me feel good, she enjoyed every single moment and didn't rush or skip any step out of horniness which is what I do if I really need to relieve myself which is usually after a lot of teasing and tension. I don't go through the day thinking "Man, I need sex" it has to be triggered by something lol. 

Is it normal for ISTJs to be slow to tell you if they have romantic feelings? She also never talked about the sex afterwards. Only if it was completely necessary. Which was hard because at first I had no idea why we were having sex. I thought she was just really horny and she was using me/exploring her sexuality. But, since she didn't like talking about such personal things I had no idea she was extremely prude. I was her first time and I had no idea. She had boyfriends before so I assumed she was having sex with them. Then I found out one of them broke up with her because she didn't want to kiss them?  that is not acceptable in Ireland.

Also she doesn't have what most people would consider sex appeal, she was quite shy about a lot of things. She didn't want me to see her naked for some unfathomable reason (think Tifa again). When we got into a shower together...she washed herself and got out. She wasn't very verbal in bed. I don't recall her even giving me directions actually. 

Anyway, stories aside (I'm always getting carried away with god damn stories), she didn't view sex as an emotionless thing that just feels good. If that was the case she would've had sex with just anyone which she seems to feel very strongly against doing.


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## eso

your avatar looks like lindsey lohan

ur lesbianism is sublime


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## niss

assbiscuits said:


> Actions speak louder than words, especially for an ISTJ, right?
> 
> Is it normal for ISTJs to be slow to tell you if they have romantic feelings?


Yes, to both questions.


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## Qadosh

eso said:


> sorry about the sleeziest thing...it was for emphasis


What you should truly be sorry about is your avatar. I'm deeply disturbed by the image. :shocked:



eso said:


> horny owl is horny


Touché. 



niss63 said:


> Setting up and keeping house brings a whole new dimension to the relationship.


I'll take your word for it.

Sidenote: holy god Assbiscuits turned the heater on in this thread.


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## Wake

Qadosh said:


> What you should truly be sorry about is your avatar. I'm deeply disturbed by the image. :shocked:


Oh c'mon Qadosh, can't you accept that some men enjoy smoking with a dress on while laying around the house? :wink: His diversity is to be cherished and celebrated.


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## niss

^^^Both of these last two posts are soooo funny!! :laughing::crazy::laughing:


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## Qadosh

Wake said:


> Oh c'mon Qadosh, can't you accept that some men enjoy smoking with a dress on while laying around the house? :wink: His diversity is to be cherished and celebrated.


Wake, let me introduce you to my trout.

*Slaps Wake across the face with large trout*


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## Wake

assbiscuits' posting was rather detailed. I think its good to thank him just for opening up so much though I have mixed feelings if it was welcomed. Which raises the question: Does this thread need some sort of warning label for future graphic descriptions? :blushed:


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## eso

Qadosh said:


> What you should truly be sorry about is your avatar. I'm deeply disturbed by the image. :shocked:
> 
> 
> 
> Touché.
> 
> 
> 
> I'll take your word for it.
> 
> Sidenote: holy god Assbiscuits turned the heater on in this thread.


i cant believe you dont like my dress...i wanted to get very pretty for everyone on PerC


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## curious0610

bebeserene said:


> when INFPs start behaving promiscuously it's because their romantic ideals have been shattered and they are generally either deeply depressed or otherwise in denial about their pain (i.e. pretending to not care) and in general not being true to themselves.
> 
> destroyed INFP heart => intense emotional pain => emotional numbness => pretended indifference => potentially acting in ways counter to their original ideals and belief that led to aforementioned pain in an attempt to pretend that it doesn't matter (that the original sexual connection was meaningless, as "proven" by having subsequent meaningless sexual connections) or that the ideals that led to the pain no longer hold true.
> 
> so to put it in a gross generalisation, these INFPs you know who "aren't looking" for one partner forever are either lying to themselves or to you.
> or else you don't realise that you've just been talking to them on a theoretical level that doesn't quite fully connect with actual behaviour. we like to bat ideas around for fun sometimes. that doesn't mean we'd actually carry out those ideas in real life. from the ease with which i talk/joke about sex, i bet (actually i know) a lot of really non-intuitive folk just assume i'm super promiscuous. nothing could be farther from the truth. and i'm not close enough to most to bother correcting their misguided notions. i know myself. if someone else misjudges me, that's their problem, not mine.


I would apply this to the NF temperament at large.


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## Qadosh

eso said:


> i cant believe you dont like my dress...i wanted to get very pretty for everyone on PerC


Pretty? Is that what they call it?



Wake said:


> assbiscuits' posting was rather detailed. I think its good to thank him just for opening up so much though I have mixed feelings if it was welcomed. Which raises the question: Does this thread need some sort of warning label for future graphic descriptions? :blushed:


It has sex in the thread name. Is that not warning enough? It pretty much tells what's going to be inside.


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## Rhee

assbiscuits said:


> The ISTJ I knew would never tell me she loved me (then I found out she did actually love me, but we never got together and it's too late now) so I think sex was the ultimate expression for her. I never would've guessed she was in love with me, I thought we were best friends goofing around and decided to end it because we knew each other since we were small children and it just made me feel sick I was ruining our friendship for a bit of thoughtless fun.


For what it's worth, most ISTJs would not be the type of people to fool around or use someone just to explore their sexualities. Especially if that other person happens to be a best friend from childhood. 

Declaring love is definitely not an easy thing to do - and if she didn't think it would be received well, it may have caused her to hesitate more (if you assumed you were just friends goofing around with each other and acted accordingly, that is). Whatever really happened, I wish the best of luck to both of you. 





Qadosh said:


> Wake, let me introduce you to my trout.
> 
> *Slaps Wake across the face with large trout*


Qadosh, dude, I'm holding you liable for damages done to my windpipes while I was laughing my a** off. 





eso said:


> i cant believe you dont like my dress...i wanted to get very pretty for everyone on PerC


There there. It's er... quite becoming. 

*Awkward pats*


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## eso

Qadosh said:


> Pretty? Is that what they call it?
> 
> 
> 
> It has sex in the thread name. Is that not warning enough? It pretty much tells what's going to be inside.


well she didnt really get graphic....the istj i know is a married grown man...he gets uncomfortable during sex/romantic scenes in movies and says its indecent...so i can see why there would be complaints


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## Aßbiscuits

Wake said:


> assbiscuits' posting was rather detailed. I think its good to thank him just for opening up so much though I have mixed feelings if it was welcomed. Which raises the question: Does this thread need some sort of warning label for future graphic descriptions? :blushed:


Him?

I'm female.

And, it wasn't that graphic at all. I can be graphic >. My ISTJ often gives out to me for being "vulgar". And she gets awkward with sex scenes too lol. It's funnier when you watch her reaction and she knows your watching. For this reason she'll avoid something she knows will have sex scenes. We watch telly tubbies all the time!


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## eso

it reminds me of this really really old batman movie from the like-50s

robin and the butler are watching batman while hes on a date in order to spring a trap on the bad guys who are about to attack him.

batman starts to say some flirtatious things...robin gets antsy...he kisses the girl(ACTUALLY CATWOMAN)

they are monitering him through a tv in the shitty 50s batmobile. robin remarks to the butler before turning off the tv all flustered,"sometimes you just have to decide between decency and practicality"(or something like that).


...batman gets kidnapped


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