# I don't feel human anymore



## Calvin (Jun 21, 2012)

There is something terrible that has happened to me the last few months, but I have no idea what it is or how to fix it. A year ago me and my parents moved from my life-long hometown to a larger city. Ever since then, I've become more and more "numb" to anything and everything. Nothing makes me happy, and nothing makes me sad. I haven't felt an emotion in months. I cannot carry a conversation even with my own parents, because it feels like I'm talking to aliens. The movies, songs, and books that used to give me great joy are now nothing but meaningless chores. Like Frodo at the summit of mount doom, I cannot remember anything about my pleasant past. Sometimes I can't even recall what my hometown looked like, or what my childhood was like, or the names of my most treasured friends, or good memories that I made with them.

Talking to other people anymore, even attractive women, feels like rolling through broken glass and lemon juice. The basic human concerns that once made me feel compassion for others now just confuse me, and seem totally alien to my experience. The only escape that I've found is reading complex material from the local library and figuring out what it means. But even this becomes tiresome and frustrating. 

In summary, it feels that I have lost the ability to be human. Is this "numbness" a psychological condition? Is it the onset of schizophrenia or something? I'm really concerned.


----------



## feeg1 (Feb 12, 2014)

It sounds like depression to me. I'd recommend seing a psychiatrist and getting the proper therapy/medication.


----------



## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

Depression. That's for sure.

I am not used to advice someone with "Maybe a therapist can help you" but in this case, it may help you and make the difference. Depression can be fighten by your own or with time.

And it is a good sign already that you realized about this and you're actually talking about this with people, so, you're on time to make the depression worse.


----------



## Euclid (Mar 20, 2014)

My suggestion would be to not take anti-depressants no matter what you do. Some suggestions for treating depression here:
Mark Hyman, MD: Why Antidepressants Don't Work for Treating Depression


----------



## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

Calvin said:


> There is something terrible that has happened to me the last few months, but I have no idea what it is or how to fix it. A year ago me and my parents moved from my life-long hometown to a larger city. Ever since then, I've become more and more "numb" to anything and everything. Nothing makes me happy, and nothing makes me sad. I haven't felt an emotion in months.


I think that kind of apathy is already a negative emotion and it taste like "umami". You noticed the vacuum and annoyed. So, you were special kind of sad.



Calvin said:


> I cannot carry a conversation even with my own parents, because it feels like I'm talking to aliens.


Maybe you are just growing up and trying to to adapt to being an adult with unexpected changes/challenges. Sooner or later, they will not be your parents anymore. Accepting that your parents are imperfect individuals just like you is always a tough experience.



Calvin said:


> The movies, songs, and books that used to give me great joy are now nothing but meaningless chores.


Dude... Dig deeper. Nothing can entertain you forever after a repetitive exposure. Some of those things will be genuinely meaningful for the rest of your life yet you need a genuine stimulation. Discovering new things and consuming them with enthusiasm is the only way to fight depression.



Calvin said:


> Like Frodo at the summit of mount doom, I cannot remember anything about my pleasant past. Sometimes I can't even recall what my hometown looked like, or what my childhood was like, or the names of my most treasured friends, or good memories that I made with them.


Me too... Apparently, we should increase our phosphorus intake. Seriously, nobody can live in the past. It's not one of those shitty "go-getter" slogans. You just can't because that's how human mind works. You should chin up and feed your mind with new things for a progress... Simple things.... The things to communicate with current events with humble expectations. It doesn't have to be pretentiously optimistic. Mentally involve and expect something... Anything! It's good for you. Actually, you are already doing that and questioning your mental health. That's a good sign. 



Calvin said:


> Talking to other people anymore, even attractive women, feels like rolling through broken glass and lemon juice. The basic human concerns that once made me feel compassion for others now just confuse me, and seem totally alien to my experience. The only escape that I've found is reading complex material from the local library and figuring out what it means. But even this becomes tiresome and frustrating..


You will discover the different aspects of those pleasures while reading complex materials. Then, you will rediscover them as your own personal interpretations. 



Calvin said:


> In summary, it feels that I have lost the ability to be human.


Don't panic... Only a human being can experience something that ridiculous.



Calvin said:


> Is this "numbness" a psychological condition?


Anything and everything is a psychological condition.



Calvin said:


> Is it the onset of schizophrenia or something?


Mental disorders like schizophrenia develop gradually beyond your self-awareness. You are just alienated and depressive. Which is nothing horrifying even if it's extremely unpleasant.



Calvin said:


> I'm really concerned.


That means the glass is half full... Cheers!


----------



## Chest (Apr 14, 2014)

Calvin said:


> There is something terrible that has happened to me the last few months, but I have no idea what it is or how to fix it. A year ago me and my parents moved from my life-long hometown to a larger city. Ever since then, I've become more and more "numb" to anything and everything. Nothing makes me happy, and nothing makes me sad. I haven't felt an emotion in months. I cannot carry a conversation even with my own parents, because it feels like I'm talking to aliens. The movies, songs, and books that used to give me great joy are now nothing but meaningless chores. Like Frodo at the summit of mount doom, I cannot remember anything about my pleasant past. Sometimes I can't even recall what my hometown looked like, or what my childhood was like, or the names of my most treasured friends, or good memories that I made with them.
> 
> Talking to other people anymore, even attractive women, feels like rolling through broken glass and lemon juice. The basic human concerns that once made me feel compassion for others now just confuse me, and seem totally alien to my experience. The only escape that I've found is reading complex material from the local library and figuring out what it means. But even this becomes tiresome and frustrating.
> 
> In summary, it feels that I have lost the ability to be human. Is this "numbness" a psychological condition? Is it the onset of schizophrenia or something? I'm really concerned.


That looks more like transitioning into pos-depression or something, I had that...I wouldn't feel comfortable giving you any adivice, but I think you'll find your way out because I did

I think the only advice I can give is that FEAR is a underrated emotion


----------



## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Calvin said:


> Is it the* onset of schizophrenia *or something? I'm really concerned.


Don't let them give you the drugs to treat this condition, unless you absolutely have it.

I had an incident, and went into the emergency room where they gave me the drug for schizophrenia... what I was, was terribly scared, but they used that drug to treat it.

You can't go off those drugs once they're in your system and you're normalized on them. I managed to ween myself from 20mg down to 2.5 mg after a year, but I can't function if I don't take the drug. I literally lose the ability to read.

Since I don't have insurance, I can't really see anyone professional enough who knows how to get someone off the drug, so I'm stuck taking it indefinitely.

Pharm. industry has a nice racket with drugs like this.


----------



## OldManRivers (Mar 22, 2012)

@Calvin, you said


_" In summary, it feels that I have lost the ability to be human. Is this "numbness" a psychological condition? Is it the onset of schizophrenia or something? I'm really concerned." _

No, you have none of the symtoms of any psychosis. It sounds like a depressive episode. Changes in your life and subsequent worry could have brought this on: there is a subtle change in brain chemistry that forms a feedback loop that prolongs and deepens the depression. It also saps energy, slows thinking, gives you a feeling as if you were not really you. Relax if you can, tell yourself that you have a little medical problem and there is help.
On medication: do you take aspirin for a headache? So, take an anti-depressant med for depression. Do not use any recreational drugs. 
If your doctor prescribes an antidepressant, in a couple of weeks you will feel better. There is a lot of counter culture crap about psychoactive medication. I advise seeing your family M. D., and discuss this problem, get a general checkup to eliminate other causes - and he may make a referral to a psychiatrist, or he may start you on a mild antidepressant. You should be able to get off the meds in a fairly quickly. Just make sure you follow directions on tapering off. Quitting cold turkey could kick you back into worse depression. But you cannot be talked into correct brain chemistry, so you cannot be talked into a non-depressed state.
It probably will never occur again. Good luck to you.


----------



## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

... could it be something simple like missing your home town? Would it make you feel any better if you were to visit?


----------

