# Why is there a certain dislike for people who think highly of themselves?



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Alright first of all I wanted to post this to show that I'm not some loser shut in like some people accuse me of. I do have a lot of people who support me and a very tight close knit circle of friends, and a social life(when I actually have time to go out).

http://i.imgur.com/ZiprONx.png

I just wanted to post that, because some people on here are convinced I have a low "emotional intelligence" and I have no friends, when I actually do have friends in real life. 

Alright now to my main point. So I know my personality is a love or hate thing. I'm going to be completely honest, I do think I'm someone special. I do think I'm a special snowflake, that I have the drive and ambition to achieve great things, and that it's always been a genuine belief in me. My dream is to become an astronaut and I'm open with the fact that I believe I have the talent and work ethic to achieve something very few people have. I've been accused as a narcissist, someone with no humility, someone with delusions of grandeur etc, by the people who don't like me both irl and on here. But that aspect of my personality as helped me in so many ways. Whenever I faced defeat, or a setback, it never consumed me. Because it was always a genuine belief in me that I was destined to be great. So when I faced defeat, I just got hungrier, more motivated, more determined, and I'm seeing the results. 

My last accomplishment was getting a 100% on my complex analysis exam. It was the first time I set the curve, got a 100% in one of my STEM classes, and competed with some of the best honors math students our school had to offer and beat them, and it was a really great feeling.

But that hunger I have seems to put people into two camps with me. Some really like my drive and determination and are really close and tight with me. Some really dislike me, and think I'm a narcissist etc, and I'm wondering why? Why is it so wrong to believe you are great or can do great things? 

I don't really brag on social media or talk about my accomplishments constantly but I'm not shy about my self confidence. And that part seems to offset some people and I'm wondering why? Ironically it's not my competition who dislikes me. People who have that same drive and ambition of me, tend to respect me and we both have great mutual respect for each other. It's the ones who are opposite of my personality that tend to really dislike me. 

Anyway I'm not going to let this consume me because I know there are people who care about me and like that part of me, and there's no point in denying that part of my personality, but I do genuinely want to know why people dislike that.


----------



## Fredward (Sep 21, 2013)

Are you asking because you care what they think or because you're just idly curious? Or a bit of both?


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Fredward said:


> Are you asking because you care what they think or because you're just idly curious? Or a bit of both?



I'm just curious. I know I can't force anyone's opinions of me, so I stopped trying to change that.


----------



## Fredward (Sep 21, 2013)

Mkay. Well, there are probably a number of reasons why such behaviour can be seen as annoying. For one you might be reminding people that they aren't achieving anything themselves. It could also be because you think you're a tangibly, measurably better human being because of what you've accomplished (do you?). It could also be because some overachievers are inherently massively insecure on the inside, they turn to the external world and _accomplish_ as a way to cram a stopgap in the hemorrhaging dam that is their self-worth. They're fine and charismatic and confident as long as they continue to achieve but that vibrating insecurity is their one and only impetus and is thus always close to the surface and to the people who pick up on that it's exasperating and somewhat discomfiting. It could also simply be that those people don't value your accomplishments like you do, they don't attach as much worth to it or don't understand why you do and so the amount of pride you derive from it might seem disproportionate.

Also sometimes it's just really annoying to see someone strut around like the sun is beaming out of their ass if you've had a crappy day. :tongue:


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Nah I don't think I'm objectively a better human being than anyone else. I think I'm lucky to have the determination and work ethic to make me go after my dreams, and I know with how complex our world is and how humans are, it's not really fair for me to think I'm better than anyone else for not having those same qualities. 

But yeah I do tend to strut around like the sun is beaming out of my ass because that constant determination and drive does propel me to reach my goals, and I'm wondering why it does annoy some people.


----------



## Laze (Feb 19, 2015)

Judging from how you've presented yourself here, especially with the sentence: 'I'm going to be completely honest, I do think I'm someone special.' I can only imagine that most people think you're arrogant, that you look at them down your nose.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

If an arrogant person is good enough alone then other people are unneeded, they are excess flesh. They want to be treated equally.


----------



## Cotillion (Mar 26, 2013)




----------



## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

There is thinking highly of yourself, and then there is being arrogant when there is no need to be. You have to decide how far is too far.


----------



## B3LIAL (Dec 21, 2013)

If you're proud of your accomplishments, that's fine, and if you appear happy and confident, and people hate that, then fuck them.

But if you're full of yourself, please just die. Don't strut around as if you're fucking awesome. 

Unless you're doing great things for others, and not just yourself, in my opinion you don't deserve to think you're that awesome, if all you've done is further your own career for your own gain.

There's nothing wrong with being proud of success, but you have to do something for others before you can really claim you're that awesome, imo, but the types of people who do things selflessly to help a lot of people usually don't lose themselves to vanity.


----------



## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

I can't say I like or dislike you (this is the first I've seen your username) but the thing that irks me about statements like "yes, I think I'm someone special" is that it implies that other people aren't someone special. 

As a method of motivating yourself to go above and beyond and beat out the competition (especially for something like being an astronaut) it may be one of the best psychological tools you could have at your disposal.

But in terms of connecting with, and relating to, others, it implies an unbalanced relationship from the get-go: I > you (with an implied promise that the relationship will never be balanced: I'm special, therefore I will always be better than you).

This is all implied, of course, and you may feel very differently about things on an explicit level. But that is how such a statement comes across to me; it comes across like a desperate need to validate yourself on the one hand and a promise that you won't, under any circumstances, value someone else more than yourself on the other hand. 

There is a distinction for me, however, between someone saying "I'm special" and saying something like "I'm good at X" or "I'm one of the best at X," "I'm going to be an X," etc. Or simply the difference between someone saying "I'm special" (general sense) and saying "I'm really good" (general sense). 

It's the implied put-down of others that is most likely to irk - or at least, set off warning bells - for me. Simply being confident in one's ability I don't have an issue with, generally speaking. But nonetheless, I'm always more impressed by a demonstration of ability than I am by a declaration of it - anyone can declare the latter, but not everyone can demonstrate it.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Laze said:


> Judging from how you've presented yourself here, especially with the sentence: 'I'm going to be completely honest, I do think I'm someone special.' I can only imagine that most people think you're arrogant, that you look at them down your nose.


Sorry I don't mean it to present it like that. I meant it in the sense that I always knew I could achieve something like my dreams. I don't look down on others or judge or really care what kind of position in society or how successful they are.

But I always had a genuine belief that I could accomplish my dreams. It translated to people calling me delusional, saying I had delusions of granduer. Then I'd cite someone like the Wright Brothers for inspiration and how they did the impossible. Then people would call me egotistical for comparing myself to the Wright Brothers. And it just went on this back and forth thing and I got desensitized to it.

I agree if I thought I was better than others I'd probably have no friends. I really don't care of successful a person is as long as they're a good person. But I always did have the genuine belief that I could do anything I set my mind to, and a lot of others in my life deemed it as a delusions of grandeur or whatever, so I used that kind of thinking.


----------



## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

1) envy
2) entitlement ("you're clearly better off than me, so why aren't you helping me?!")
3) association with the underdog
4) a desire to _appear_ as if one is supportive and encouraging, when in fact, he just wants to sense of moral superiority which comes from taking the underdog under his wing (in other words, once you actually become successful, he doesn't care about you anymore).


----------



## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

You just haven't learned how to present yourself properly without offending other people's sensibilities. Essentially, I'm saying that people probably view you as arrogant and undiplomatic. You should always think well of yourself; this is the essence of self esteem. However, you should never think highly of yourself as this is the essence of arrogance. Learn how to show humility and grace, and you will be a great person. Until you can do that, you are not a great person.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

LostFavor said:


> I can't say I like or dislike you (this is the first I've seen your username) but the thing that irks me about statements like "yes, I think I'm someone special" is that it implies that other people aren't someone special.
> 
> As a method of motivating yourself to go above and beyond and beat out the competition (especially for something like being an astronaut) it may be one of the best psychological tools you could have at your disposal.
> 
> ...


Yeah sorry, I guess I presented the OP really poorly. I didn't mean it in the sense where I thought I was inherently better than anyone else.

But I always had the genuine belief that I was capable of mastering anything I set my mind to, including my dreams and it held a self fufilling prophecy for me, because I had a genuine confidence about doing things, and then that equated to delusions etc, and it became a bit of a battle on that end.

In real life though I honestly don't care or think I'm better than anyone. I try to be cool and respectful to anyone and try to be as open and accepting I can to other people. I always was able to hold a close circle of friends that way, but I do still have that group people who don't really like me.


----------



## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Yeah sorry, I guess I presented the OP really poorly. I didn't mean it in the sense where I thought I was inherently better than anyone else.
> 
> But I always had the genuine belief that I was capable of mastering anything I set my mind to, including my dreams and it held a self fufilling prophecy for me, because I had a genuine confidence about doing things, and then that equated to delusions etc, and it became a bit of a battle on that end.
> 
> In real life though I honestly don't care or think I'm better than anyone. I try to be cool and respectful to anyone and try to be as open and accepting I can to other people. I always was able to hold a close circle of friends that way, but I do still have that group people who don't really like me.


I hear ya. Honestly man, while it's probably something to maintain some awareness about throughout your life, you're always going to have some people who are jealous of your successes. I do think it's important to do the kind of thing you're doing here every so often and see if there's little ways to change up your presentation that alienates less people. If nothing else, just to keep yourself grounded. 

But you're not going to please everyone, all the time. And the more prominent/higher you get in any given field, the more difficult it's going to be to not have some people who want to take you down a peg or are a bit jealous of where you stand. I mean, I don't know what the competitive climate is like for astronauts. It may well be that a bit of arrogance is necessary to pull it off.

All I know from experience is this: Finding ways to elevate other people can sometimes temper their sense of disproportionate ability to yourself. Everybody has talents and abilities and nobody has the time to be the greatest at everything. Just taking a moment here and there to hone in on what X person is good at and what Y person is good at, and then acknowledging it in some way... that may help you, not only in terms of how people perceive you but in terms of remembering that when you're floating in space one day, you'll need a damn good crew behind you to make it through alright, just as much as they'll need you.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

But yeah that's where the verbatim I used is from. I as a kid always had that confidence, and it was something that was made fun of for me including my high school counselors. But I didn't want to give up, I always knew I had the capabilities of fulfilling my dreams no matter what, and it was something I needed because I think I would have been lost to the negativity otherwise. That's why I understand someone like Kobe Bryant. He and I have the same personalities, where he believed he could be one of the greatest basketball players ever, and I believed I could do something like become an astronaut. I know what it's like to put an insane amount of work to achieve that, to keep pushing forward, and to keep loving the competition but also keep a balance.

I also know the euphoria and the sense of peace that you get once you start accomplishing things toward the dream. It truly is an amazing feeling, and if I didn't experience something like that, I wouldn't keep pushing myself forward.

As someone who was on the end of being bullied, I don't do the same to others or try my hardest to avoid that. I don't care who they are or what their past or dreams are, but as long as they're a genuine person, I try my hardest to accept them like they're accepting me. 

However I'm still really fucking bold with my personality. I'm still not really quiet about the fact that I'm going to be an astronaut someday and I'll achieve it, and that still does turn people away, but at the same time it's also gotten me a close knit circle of friends, so I guess stuff like this isn't going to be ideal all the time.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

LostFavor said:


> I hear ya. Honestly man, while it's probably something to maintain some awareness about throughout your life, you're always going to have some people who are jealous of your successes. I do think it's important to do the kind of thing you're doing here every so often and see if there's little ways to change up your presentation that alienates less people. If nothing else, just to keep yourself grounded.
> 
> But you're not going to please everyone, all the time. And the more prominent/higher you get in any given field, the more difficult it's going to be to not have some people who want to take you down a peg or are a bit jealous of where you stand. I mean, I don't know what the competitive climate is like for astronauts. It may well be that a bit of arrogance is necessary to pull it off.
> 
> All I know from experience is this: Finding ways to elevate other people can sometimes temper their sense of disproportionate ability to yourself. Everybody has talents and abilities and nobody has the time to be the greatest at everything. Just taking a moment here and there to hone in on what X person is good at and what Y person is good at, and then acknowledging it in some way... that may help you, not only in terms of how people perceive you but in terms of remembering that when you're floating in space one day, you'll need a damn good crew behind you to make it through alright, just as much as they'll need you.


Yeah thanks man. I know I'm not presenting myself the best way, but I do try my hardest to remembering my friends talents too. I know they're really good people and have their own dreams and desires, and try my hardest to show that to them and , because I know what it's like when no one really bothered to show that to me.


----------



## rambleonrose (Mar 5, 2012)

Sure you might not rub people the right way, but no one is perfect, and for you to be a chameleon with the world as well as achieve impressive accomplishments would be a ridiculously high standard for anyone. There are brilliant people who are utter assholes or have no social skills whatsoever. The whole "special snowflake" thing sounds rather arrogant, but at least you're up front with it, which is way better then sincerely believing that you're a special snow flake but then going around pretending that you don't think that. And it's not like you're saying that you're the ONLY "special snowflake," you're just saying that you recognize you're one of them. You recognize your own self worth and don't act self deprecating. 

There's some quote that's like if you go through your life with out making any enemies, you didn't really live or do anything great.. or something like that. Well I feel that applies here.

You've clearly worked very hard to get where you are right now, and where you want to be. I don't think that you should have to down play your hard work to make others feel better about themselves. As long as your self confidence is balanced in proportion to your accomplishments, I don't see any reason to worry about others jealousy. Do you put others down for their accomplishments if they aren't proportional to your own?


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

rambleonrose said:


> Sure you might not rub people the right way, but no one is perfect, and for you to be a chameleon with the world as well as achieve impressive accomplishments would be a ridiculously high standard for anyone. There are brilliant people who are utter assholes or have no social skills whatsoever. The whole "special snowflake" thing sounds rather arrogant, but at least you're up front with it, which is way better then sincerely believing that you're a special snow flake but then going around pretending that you don't think that. And it's not like you're saying that you're the ONLY "special snowflake," you're just saying that you recognize you're one of them. You recognize your own self worth and don't act self deprecating.
> 
> There's some quote that's like if you go through your life with out making any enemies, you didn't really live or do anything great.. or something like that. Well I feel that applies here.
> 
> You've clearly worked very hard to get where you are right now, and where you want to be. I don't think that you should have to down play your hard work to make others feel better about themselves. As long as your self confidence is balanced in proportion to your accomplishments, I don't see any reason to worry about others jealousy. Do you put others down for their accomplishments if they aren't proportional to your own?


No, I never try to put people down. I know what it's like to be put down and how it sucks, so I'd really dislike myself if I went down to that level.

Everyone and all my friends have their own path to happiness, and it's going to be different for each one of us, and that's just life how it is. I don't think I'm inherently better than anyone, but I do know what I need to be happy in life, and I'm very set and determined to get it.


----------



## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Yeah thanks man. I know I'm not presenting myself the best way, but I do try my hardest to remembering my friends talents too. I know they're really good people and have their own dreams and desires, and try my hardest to show that to them, because I know what it's like when no one really bothered to show that to me.


Hey, no problem. Sounds like your heart's in the right place on this. Best of luck with your life. :happy:


----------



## rambleonrose (Mar 5, 2012)

Nightmaker81 said:


> No, I never try to put people down. I know what it's like to be put down and how it sucks, so I'd really dislike myself if I went down to that level.
> 
> Everyone and all my friends have their own path to happiness, and it's going to be different for each one of us, and that's just life how it is. I don't think I'm inherently better than anyone, but I do know what I need to be happy in life, and I'm very set and determined to get it.


You seem real genuine. Honestly there may be reasons behind people treating you with disdain or there may not be any logical ones that you will ever find out. I feel like sometimes there is no rhyme or reason these things. Humans are weird. 

Good luck with life and do great things


----------



## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

Being arrogant is comparing yourself to others and thinking you're better than others. Confidence is comparing yourself to yourself.

I, too, think I'm a special snowflake [for lack of a better term]. I've been through a ton of stuff without taking any anti-depressants, without doing anything drastic to myself. So if I hold my head high, I think I have good reasons. I didn't turn into a drunk, not a drug addict, and didn't do physical harm to myself so yes, I think I am a special snowflake, too. Didn't know I could last 15+ some years never having a serious relationship with a guy and still think I might have a chance with someone.

I personally think that others are the ones with the issues that they feel the need to beat someone down who are at their highest points because they see their own flaws in not being the best they can be so they call other people "arrogant" or "stuck up."


----------



## Sourpuss (Aug 9, 2014)

People with high opinions of themselves are seen as arrogant and narcissistic. Though I also think there is a degree of jealousy and shame in there. We don't think as highly as ourselves and don't think we can measure up, so when we see someone who is more accomplished and knows it, we feel bad.


----------



## knife (Jul 10, 2013)

People who think highly of themselves are proud. When they do so unjustifiably (i.e. when the pride exceeds the accomplishments), that's arrogance.

But nobody has the same opinion of what constitutes a justifiable amount of pride before one lapses into arrogance. For instance, for a writer, having successful enough work to keep oneself afloat is about the pinnacle of what you can hope for. Bestsellers are rare and often involve capturing some mote of the zeitgeist. A writer who considers him- or herself "undiscovered" and then in the next breath "the next great thing" would attract quite a lot of negative attention because, in terms of _external_ accomplishments, the pride in their work does not at all match the output (regardless of relative quality, it's still not widely known).

The irony of this is, of course, that it is _precisely_ this sort of arrogance which fuels truly good artists. Especially when they can internalize it into wrath.

I've been dealt several lessons in humble pie over the last decade. I don't know whether or not I'm more mature for it or more broken than ever.


----------



## Deus Absconditus (Feb 27, 2011)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> 1) envy
> 2) entitlement ("you're clearly better off than me, so why aren't you helping me?!")
> 3) association with the underdog
> 4) a desire to _appear_ as if one is supportive and encouraging, when in fact, he just wants to sense of moral superiority which comes from taking the underdog under his wing (in other words, once you actually become successful, he doesn't care about you anymore).





Sourpuss said:


> People with high opinions of themselves are seen as arrogant and narcissistic. Though I also think there is a degree of jealousy and shame in there. We don't think as highly as ourselves and don't think we can measure up, so when we see someone who is more accomplished and knows it, we feel bad.


Both of these hit the nail on the head. I'm narcissistic, and have always been proud of the fact that I egotistically admire my own attributes over the attributes of all others. Trust me I have been called arrogant, vain, and even delusional more times than I can count but it doesn't matter because I have the habit of proving to others that I can accomplish everything I have ever, or will ever set myself too in order to illuminate that I'm completely justified in my narcissistic tendencies. 

I can care less how that makes other people feel, their insecurity or the projection of, is their problem to deal with. If they want to be "humble" by refusing to be overly proud in their capabilities then thats their issue, it shouldn't hinder you or anyone else in how you view yourself, plus if you are truly narcissistic then you shouldn't really care how the love for your own attributes affects others.


----------



## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Genuine confidence is fine by me (in fact, it's really great), but making outward displays of superiority or making it clear that you view yourself as more capable than most others around you will definitely turn me away, and for a few reasons. 
For one, I've had the fortune of knowing many genuinely intellectually gifted people from my high-school education, and none of them were trivial enough to spend their time bragging about how well intellectually endowed they were; they knew they had it and they used it to accomplish things they were passionate about. They were open minded and above petty ego stroking. In contrast, most of the, well, less intelligent and obnoxious people I interacted with (who maybe were a cut above average, but no more) made a show of their "superiority" because they were pathetic and they knew it. They had axes to grind with society from rejection of some other sort, and were mindlessly perpetuating the cycle of insecurity and hostility by trying to belittle the next lowest guy on the totem pole much like they were belittled by the guy above them. I feel bad in a sense, because I'm guessing most lacked the introspection to notice this, but it's far too destructive for me to want to be around. I'm not interested in being around anyone who's trying to size me up from my every sentence, and if you believe yourself an arbiter of my worth, I'm pretty skeptical of how thoughtful you really are.

That said, if you really, truly, totally believe you're the shit and that you're better than everyone else in some absolute and unequivocal way, then it follows that you value your well-being far above my own (or that of any other friends of yours), so naturally I'm not going to want to be around you since I get less out of the relationship.


----------



## PurpleAmy (Oct 5, 2014)

Nightmaker81 said:


> I don't think I'm inherently better than anyone, but I do know what I need to be happy in life, and *I'm very set and determined to get it*.


Perhaps this isn't about you thinking you're superior in your abilities, but about your highest value being accomplishing _your_ goals, and everything and everyone else being (or appearing) secondary. In effect, it's a claim that you are superior in your importance among people. There are a few people who benefit from that, a few who are directly in your line of fire, and the rest just try to stay out of the way.

Consider which situations trigger you to put someone else's desires before your own, because those are where it's possible to make true friends.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

PurpleAmy said:


> Perhaps this isn't about you thinking you're superior in your abilities, but about your highest value being accomplishing _your_ goals, and everything and everyone else being (or appearing) secondary. In effect, it's a claim that you are superior in your importance among people. There are a few people who benefit from that, a few who are directly in your line of fire, and the rest just try to stay out of the way.
> 
> Consider which situations trigger you to put someone else's desires before your own, because those are where it's possible to make true friends.


I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with putting your goals as a high priority. Everyone is selfish to a degree, and no one is this completely selfless person who will not say no to everything.

Plus I don't think the two are really mutually exclusive. I'm down to help my friends and be there for them and still put time for my goals. Whether that means less sleep, less time to relax, or whatever, there are 24 hours in a day and there are plenty of ways to find time in a day.

Likewise if my friend needs to go to the emergency room and I'm studying for a quiz, I'm not going to blow him off for a quiz. I think there are degrees to where you can focus on your goal, say no when you need to, and also do sacrifices in your life so you can be balanced with going after something that's a high priority and also caring about the people in your life.


----------



## PurpleAmy (Oct 5, 2014)

Nightmaker81 said:


> I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with putting your goals as a high priority. Everyone is selfish to a degree, and no one is this completely selfless person who will not say no to everything.


I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. I said doing so might not make you very likable, and attempted to explain why.



Nightmaker81 said:


> Plus I don't think the two are really mutually exclusive. I'm down to help my friends and be there for them and still put time for my goals. Whether that means less sleep, less time to relax, or whatever, there are 24 hours in a day and there are plenty of ways to find time in a day.
> 
> Likewise if my friend needs to go to the emergency room and I'm studying for a quiz, I'm not going to blow him off for a quiz. I think there are degrees to where you can focus on your goal, say no when you need to, and also do sacrifices in your life so you can be balanced with going after something that's a high priority and also caring about the people in your life.


You've listed a few times when you prioritize others over your goals. If you want to be liked more, consider what values you have that motivate you to do that, and start cultivating that attitude more. Or don't; whatever.

You can't have it both ways though, you can't be fiercely competitive, driven, and successful, as well as likable by those who aren't, and most people aren't because they have different values and different priorities. Well maybe, if you compromise on integrity, but I can't recommend that!


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Yeah I agree that it's not possible to have it both ways and have everyone like me, because that's impossible. 

But I do think it's possible to make my goals a priority and also my friends a priority. What I'm saying is just because I'm very set and determined to get something in my life, doesn't mean I can't be there and care for my friends. I can't do that for everyone, but to the people who really matter I can try my hardest to be there. I'll probably mess up on the way, but that's with anything.


----------



## PurpleAmy (Oct 5, 2014)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Yeah I agree that it's not possible to have it both ways and have everyone like me, because that's impossible.


I never said everyone. That's a strawman. I said:



> ...you can't be fiercely competitive, driven, and successful, as well as likable by those who aren't, and most people aren't because they have different values and different priorities.


This directly addresses the observation in your initial post, where you said:



Nightmaker81 said:


> People who have that same drive and ambition of me, tend to respect me and we both have great mutual respect for each other. *It's the ones who are opposite of my personality that tend to really dislike me.*


What part of this is still unclear? Your _values_ are different from theirs, and unless someone is already a friend, apparently, you don't care to go out of your way to show a side of yourself where your values agree. So quite sensibly, they don't like you, as you've showing them nothing they find likable.

Everything is going exactly as it should, unless you want different results.


----------



## AJ Tjan (Mar 2, 2015)

Arrogant: having or revealing an *exaggerated* sense of one's own importance or abilities.

I think usually people hate "exaggerated" thing, using their own values and different measurements, except it has the same meaning or may be helpful for them.


----------



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Funny pattern I've noticed among those whose self love is narcissism - they lack self respect. Almost always. It's weird. Which is to say they don't actually love themselves. When a person thinks highly of themselves and they have self respect, for me I feel like they emanate confidence, a power that's engaging. When they go about thinking highly of themselves but they do things or tolerate things that suggests they lack self respect (That their self respect is disproportionate to the self love they project with thinking highly of themselves), they become a pathetic joke. I feel sorry for them. And I judge those dumb enough to fall for the bullshit. 

Maybe it's just me but self respect is a good indicator if that person who thinks highly of themselves has confidence or arrogance/narcissism.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

ningsta kitty said:


> Funny pattern I've noticed among those whose self love is narcissism - they lack self respect. Almost always. It's weird. Which is to say they don't actually love themselves. When a person thinks highly of themselves and they have self respect, for me I feel like they emanate confidence, a power that's engaging. When they go about thinking highly of themselves but they do things or tolerate things that suggests they lack self respect (That their self respect is disproportionate to the self love they project with thinking highly of themselves), they become a pathetic joke. I feel sorry for them. And I judge those dumb enough to fall for the bullshit.
> 
> Maybe it's just me but self respect is a good indicator if that person who thinks highly of themselves has confidence or arrogance/narcissism.


Yeah I know what you mean. I try my hardest to empathize and show people I care. A person entered in one of the social clubs I'm a part of and I noticed he was very isolated from everyone. When I saw him, I really empathized with him because I saw myself in that same position of feeling ostracized and alone for being someone different. I talked to him and found out he used to go to my university, had a bunch of psychiatric issues, and is trying to comeback to our university. Most people avoided him, and I don't put any blame to that, I know it can be a bit uncomfortable coming into a situation like that.

But I knew what it was like, and I wanted him to feel like he was a part of the group. We ended up finding common ground and found we both like DOTA 2 and added each other on steam, and at the event we talked about all the builds and characters we like to use. I hope he trusts me now, because he is a genuinely good person, and I know people accepting me for who I am is what helped me, and I want to show the same to him. 

I do try my hardest to empathize and put my morals in the right place. I make mistakes and I know I do, but I know in that regard it's a learning process. 

It's just I know I'm a very competitive and driven person too, and I have the motivation to try and do big things with my life. Some people just see that side only and think there's nothing else to me, and label me as a douche, when it's not just the only side of me, and that's why it's a bit frustrating. To go for something like an astronaut, you need an edge mentally where you legitimately believe you can do anything. 

Maybe it is a delusion, but you need that delusion, because otherwise when things start failing and falling a part, you lose your confidence and your negative feelings take over, and it's something you can't let overtake you and make you dwell on it.


----------



## Eventive (Sep 27, 2014)

ENTJ right? I get you man, you sound like a great guy. One of the reasons I like hip-hop is because it is one of the few places where "arrogance" pays off. This ultimate confidence molded in the violence of ghettos is something I admire, perhaps because I'm not quite there yet. The thing is though, you can't verbalize these thoughts besides on paper. Apparently that's something some people hate. But is that something we really think, I don't think you do either. I just feed off the mindset and sometimes you can't help but think so when you see people struggle with the life's most simplistic things. But I've forgiven them and love them for what they're good at.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Eventive said:


> ENTJ right? I get you man, you sound like a great guy. One of the reasons I like hip-hop is because it is one of the few places where "arrogance" pays off. This ultimate confidence molded in the violence of ghettos is something I admire, perhaps because I'm not quite there yet. The thing is though, you can't verbalize these thoughts besides on paper. Apparently that's something some people hate. But is that something we really think, I don't think you do either. I just feed off the mindset and sometimes you can't help but think so when you see people struggle with the life's most simplistic things. But I've forgiven them and love them for what they're good at.


I'm a big fan of rap too, and it's one of my favorite genres. That intensity and rawness was something I really loved.

I love AZ too dude, him and NAS did some great shit together. My favorite artists overall are probably KRS-one, Jadakiss, Styles P, Redman, Method-Man, WTC, A Tribe Called Quest, Biggie. I guess I always been an east coast guy, but I have mad respect for the west coast and want to listen to them more


----------



## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

In general I believe asking yourself those kind of questions holds a lot of potential for inner growth, as a person, as a human being. We are usually pushed to be humble, and also pushed to be ambitions (in confusing ways) so both things kinda push people inside like a sandwich.

I read the text on the pic, no offense: my first thought was "age". I sounded like that in some ways but my background made me feel bad about it so I learned to talk very little about my "achievements". While growing I found lots of things like that in people I know, I'm glad about them but the thing is... while you are just studying that means almost nothing, the world changes when it's about work, support, etc, money means little (I know people who then turn into "I make X a month"). My ex-ex was the best of her area at the university and demanded me to congratulate her for that... I did but she expected more until I told her "university doesn't equal work outside, wait... and see" she took offense, she can't get.... this and that now (I won't talk specifics because I learned some people use that to invalidate or validate ideas) the thing is... there are several areas to grow.

*You say: I've been accused as a narcissist*
Perhaps you are, perhaps you are not. The thing is, some professions involve a bit more of ego, or a whole lot of it. I've noticed this over the years (the patterns on professions) but one is not what you can do on X field, is what you are as a person. Example: my ex earns lots of money but hey she works on surgery, you should look at her struggling on the average things she can't do, the thing is who you are outside the surgery room or outside the hadron collider.

*Whenever I faced defeat, or a setback, it never consumed me. Because it was always a genuine belief in me that I was destined to be great. So when I faced defeat, I just got hungrier, more motivated, more determined, and I'm seeing the results. *
Sounds great, but hey, sometimes when one falls is important to stay on the floor looking at the small things, it's not always about getting up bigger, stronger. Stronger and successful trust me, are concepts that change over time as we get old.

* My last accomplishment was getting a 100% on my complex analysis exam. It was the first time I set the curve, got a 100% in one of my STEM classes, and competed with some of the best honors math students our school had to offer and beat them, and it was a really great feeling.
*My congratulations to you. I also performed that way in several things but I was criticized because I didn't care and enjoyed more watching the birds (really). So, some people react one way to you some in another.

*But that hunger I have seems to put people into two camps with me. Some really like my drive and determination and are really close and tight with me. Some really dislike me, and think I'm a narcissist etc, and I'm wondering why? Why is it so wrong to believe you are great or can do great things? 
*Sounds as a chapter of my life. It was difficult because some people actually grow negative feelings toward you. Then you learn to keep things to yourself, period.

* People who have that same drive and ambition of me, tend to respect me and we both have great mutual respect for each other. It's the ones who are opposite of my personality that tend to really dislike me. *
I believe that's very difficult to tell.


----------



## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

This is the important bit...

I can't judge you and I wont, I don't like to post things and people judge me but we can analyze things  Other than that I would say there are things that demand no performance and are very good for the soul like social work, choose whatever you like if you feel like doing some. It really helps and one notice it only when you are actually there. *There was this thing one manager promoted on the company*: I worked on the largest newspaper of my country for years, big company, just get the picture of the big things and personalities etc, whatever (boring for me), some managers and executives were actually bright, it's a media company (TV, radio, newspaper, etc).

The thing is, that manager forced everyone to go out on the streets to sell newspapers. A lot of executives hated it and struggle, fought!!! but damn!! that thing helped the company because we all felt human, everybody was cut the cord, computer, salary etc and we were at the "same level" doing the same thing, well not the same thing: *you could tell who could do small things big!!!!* I have no doubts you have a great future, a lot of people do have it but one can only see if it happens when they have at least 10 years working. I don't mean to underestimate nobody, but it's like relationships: some people tell you they know how to do things, wait until they have 10+ years with someone, otherwise just listen.

good luck.


----------



## Sinsinity (Nov 14, 2014)

Maybe you come off as thinking that your path is objectively the right one, and that people on another path are doing something wrong. Some people are at a stage in their life where all they want to do is have fun, with barely any discipline necessary. Are they wrong (or more wrong than you) to think this way?

My answer to the above question is that there isn't one, or that it's subjective. Would you agree?


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Sinsinity said:


> Maybe you come off as thinking that your path is objectively the right one, and that people on another path are doing something wrong. Some people are at a stage in their life where all they want to do is have fun, with barely any discipline necessary. Are they wrong (or more wrong than you) to think this way?
> 
> My answer to the above question is that there isn't one, or that it's subjective. Would you agree?



Yeah, I've said earlier in my previous post that we all have different paths and different ways for fulfillment in our lives, and no one's is the same. 

I just know for me my path of fulfillment has something to do with space and getting up there.


----------



## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

The problem with arrogant people is that they're insecure. They have to brag and constantly try to prove themselves because deep down they believe their worth is dependent upon praise and recognition. They don't accept themselves as who they are, and not only is that not being genuine, but it's actually needy.

I can't speak to others' intentions but I like genuine people. I like hanging out with people who don't constantly take up conversations talking about themselves, their accomplishments and what they're going to achieve. I like being friends with people who are secure in themselves and don't value me for being a cheerleader.

You mentioned that not being humble has helped you a lot, but you seem genuinely bothered by the social resistance you've encountered in this regard. Just something to cogitate on.


----------



## Veggie (May 22, 2011)

I feel like you enjoy movies where the "popular" kid ends up as an auto salesman.


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I deleted it because my point was more to be constructive and not belittle you. 

I am pretty sure you seen it but I copied and pasted if you wanted a PM. 

Anyways I hope you consider my well intentions in my critical post.

Its all my meandering opinion but I think my insight could maybe help even out any misperceptions you get if you consider any of it. Its your life tho.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Shimmerleaf said:


> The problem with arrogant people is that they're insecure. They have to brag and constantly try to prove themselves because deep down they believe their worth is dependent upon praise and recognition. They don't accept themselves as who they are, and not only is that not being genuine, but it's actually needy.
> 
> I can't speak to others' intentions but I like genuine people. I like hanging out with people who don't constantly take up conversations talking about themselves, their accomplishments and what they're going to achieve. I like being friends with people who are secure in themselves and don't value me for being a cheerleader.
> 
> You mentioned that not being humble has helped you a lot, but you seem genuinely bothered by the social resistance you've encountered in this regard. Just something to cogitate on.


I think a lot of your assessments of me are a bit unfair. You're assuming that I'm some disingenuous person who is constantly using his friends as a source of an ego boost. That's not true at all.

In post #35 I talked about becoming friends with someone who was a bit isolated at an event. I didn't come up to him and say "hahaa look how great I am, I bet you feel so inferior to me lmao". I genuinely tried to find something we could talk about and find a common ground so we could be friends and bond over something. Because that's what I would want when I felt isolated.

With my friends I don't use them as cheerleaders that I constantly feed off for my ego like a vampire. They're legitimate human beings with their own interests, and strengths that I don't have. And I like being around them because they're different, they have qualities I don't have, and it's cool to be around and learn from those kind of people. 

And terms of the humility thing, I try my hardest to admit when I'm wrong and I'm making a mistake because that's how I learn. That's how I improve and go for something even harder. I'm not priding myself on my lack of humility, that would hurt me more than anything. What's helped is my confidence and optimism and that's what I pride myself on. When I faced defeat, I always got more motivated to show myself I could do it and I genuinely believe I could do it, and it's something that always helped me. 

And yeah that's why I'm a bit frustrated. I think you're coming in with a lot of unfair presumptions about me, and I know it's happened before where they people just immediately assume I'm this douchebag who only cares about himself.

But that's not what I try to be, and for the people in my close knit friend group, they see what I like people to see. They see that I do genuinely care about them, and appreciate them and like their unique assets, and like getting to know them and who they are.

I'd like it if people saw I had that side of me too, and it'd be something ideally want. But I know that might not happen, and acceptance is something I'm starting to learn, and that I can't make everyone happy.


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Another good satire on the issue (again a spoof)


----------



## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have women friends, and, what do they think of you, are you date worthy? If you're not incline to get a girlfriend, that's okay, this is sort of a mental exercise, and, you said something about people think you're a narcissist. Technically, getting a girlfriend, you are taking time out of your life to succeed, to dedicate on spending time with another human being. Sure there are people out there who look for the trophy partner, who are men, seeking women. And the women are viewed as another notch in a long line of accomplishments, but, if you're not that type of person, then, it could be argued, you're not thinking about your ego, your status, your plan for life, you're thinking of someone else. If you're not in dating just to get sex, but, actually holding the door open, helping the person with errands, that's basic empathy. I think it doesn't always flow, but humility is thinking beyond yourself. 


Beyond the girlfriend, you mentioned that you want to be an astronaut. Where are you with that? Most astronauts start out in the military. If you're not in the military right now, and, you're Generation Y, so your 30s, if you're not in the military right now, and, you still want to be astronaut, that sounds like delusions of grandeur. Delusions of grandeur is a narcissistic ego trait. I've been where you're at. People hate that in others. It can spin out of control. I think a person can have self confidence without a guess it sucks to be you attitude. Why do you feel you're destined for greatness? What makes you think you are a special snowflake? I think the reason people view you as polarizing, is because, you think you're better than the average person who finds greatness in the small things. Being great is a subjective idea. And, I think its a label thrown on after the fact. You maybe living next door to a war veteran, who never went to college. And they may seem like an old person to you, or perhaps they are young, just back from Iraq, the fact that they survived combat, that's a destined for greatness. You maybe living next to a person who volunteers their time at a place like Sunrise. It's a small thing to help the elderly, but, its a big thing to them. They'll always remember you. Also, great people tend to be narcissistic, in the classic sense of the word greatness, Richard Nixon, Mitt Romney, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Hillary Clinton. Its all about them. Someone made the case that Clinton, wasn't thinking of the public record when she made her email private, at the State Department, and, yet she's a public servant. This idea, there's no transparency, everything's secret with the Clintons, that's why Bill Clinton had the Impeachment trial. It's all about them. The purpose of life is including others on your journey so that when you die, you'll be missed. people who think too highly of themselves, miss this idea.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Brian1 said:


> Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have women friends, and, what do they think of you, are you date worthy? If you're not incline to get a girlfriend, that's okay, this is sort of a mental exercise, and, you said something about people think you're a narcissist. Technically, getting a girlfriend, you are taking time out of your life to succeed, to dedicate on spending time with another human being. Sure there are people out there who look for the trophy partner, who are men, seeking women. And the women are viewed as another notch in a long line of accomplishments, but, if you're not that type of person, then, it could be argued, you're not thinking about your ego, your status, your plan for life, you're thinking of someone else. If you're not in dating just to get sex, but, actually holding the door open, helping the person with errands, that's basic empathy. I think it doesn't always flow, but humility is thinking beyond yourself.
> 
> 
> Beyond the girlfriend, you mentioned that you want to be an astronaut. Where are you with that? Most astronauts start out in the military. If you're not in the military right now, and, you're Generation Y, so your 30s, if you're not in the military right now, and, you still want to be astronaut, that sounds like delusions of grandeur. Delusions of grandeur is a narcissistic ego trait. I've been where you're at. People hate that in others. It can spin out of control. I think a person can have self confidence without a guess it sucks to be you attitude. Why do you feel you're destined for greatness? What makes you think you are a special snowflake? I think the reason people view you as polarizing, is because, you think you're better than the average person who finds greatness in the small things. Being great is a subjective idea. And, I think its a label thrown on after the fact. You maybe living next door to a war veteran, who never went to college. And they may seem like an old person to you, or perhaps they are young, just back from Iraq, the fact that they survived combat, that's a destined for greatness. You maybe living next to a person who volunteers their time at a place like Sunrise. It's a small thing to help the elderly, but, its a big thing to them. They'll always remember you. Also, great people tend to be narcissistic, in the classic sense of the word greatness, Richard Nixon, Mitt Romney, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Hillary Clinton. Its all about them. Someone made the case that Clinton, wasn't thinking of the public record when she made her email private, at the State Department, and, yet she's a public servant. This idea, there's no transparency, everything's secret with the Clintons, that's why Bill Clinton had the Impeachment trial. It's all about them. The purpose of life is including others on your journey so that when you die, you'll be missed. people who think too highly of themselves, miss this idea.


That's not true in regards to the military. A military personal is a pilot who underwent test pilot school and has experimental flight time. They're the captains and ones who pilot spacecraft, and there is 1-2 of them on a spacecraft.

The bulk of a space mission is based on research and that's where the mission specialists come in. In modern space flights, there are 6-8 mission specialists, and these are people who have PhDs and have dedicated a large portion of their lives to research and are civilian: 

NASA - Astronaut Requirements

Here's also a list of non military astronauts:
Category:NASA civilian astronauts - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

@Nightmaker81 You seem so overly concerned with how others view you and maybe that's what driving them away. You made an entire post about it, this thread is several pages long already and your response to my initial thought is long and involved. I'm not saying you're bad person. I'm not even trying to personally attack you. I'm simply giving you an honest thought on arrogance in general and an honest response as to why others may be giving you undesired reactions.

I don't doubt your good intentions, but sometimes we have to adjust our speech and behavior to get people to see those intentions more clearly. That's just my two cents.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

And no I don't have a girlfriend and that's because I don't think I'm in a position right now to be the best boyfriend. I don't care about sex, or status of a girlfriend, and I want someone who I can care about and be with, and I think that'll take a bit of time and patience on my end fo rthat. 

I do have my friends and that does make me feel satisfied. I do try to take time, and try to do my best to show that I do care for them and want to be a part of my life.


----------



## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

So thee's two kinds of astronauts. Where are you in relation to being an astronaut? For years I wanted to be a Historian, where was I with that, well I didn't have the degrees, I didn't really have the doctorate, no internships. No teaching job, no books, I just liked history. So envisioning myself as a beloved historian was a delusion of grandeur at 25. That said, all this time I had a side hobby as an artist. Art doesn't pay, that's why I never pursued it. Then one day I started taking oil painting classes, studying under a professional local artist, among other local artists taking the same class. I didn't know they were part of the Arlington Artists Alliance. As an artist, your main draw, is the contest. There was this this contest about mayhem. I was well accustomed, with the TIME LIFE action photography. Something about action pulls me in. So, I painted the assassination attempt of President Ronald Reagan. That got in. I became 1 of 30, out of 178 entered, into a juried show. An artist is in the big leagues when they're in a nationally juried show. So, technically I'm an artist, with a resume. Where my art career will go, I don't know, but, at least I'm not self absorbed with delusions of grandeur, with the idea of being an artist in my head, but, never picking up a pencil and drawing pad. 



Nightmaker81 said:


> That's not true in regards to the military. A military personal is a pilot who underwent test pilot school and has experimental flight time. They're the captains and ones who pilot spacecraft, and there is 1-2 of them on a spacecraft.
> 
> The bulk of a space mission is based on research and that's where the mission specialists come in. In modern space flights, there are 6-8 mission specialists, and these are people who have PhDs and have dedicated a large portion of their lives to research and are civilian:
> 
> ...


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Brian1 said:


> So thee's two kinds of astronauts. Where are you in relation to being an astronaut? For years I wanted to be a Historian, where was I with that, well I didn't have the degrees, I didn't really have the doctorate, no internships. No teaching job, no books, I just liked history. So envisioning myself as a beloved historian was a delusion of grandeur at 25. That said, all this time I had a side hobby as an artist. Art doesn't pay, that's why I never pursued it. Then one day I started taking oil painting classes, studying under a professional local artist, among other local artists taking the same class. I didn't know they were part of the Arlington Artists Alliance. As an artist, your main draw, is the contest. There was this this contest about mayhem. I was well accustomed, with the TIME LIFE action photography. Something about action pulls me in. So, I painted the assassination attempt of President Ronald Reagan. That got in. I became 1 of 30, out of 178 entered, into a juried show. An artist is in the big leagues when they're in a nationally juried show. So, technically I'm an artist, with a resume. Where my art career will go, I don't know, but, at least I'm not self absorbed with delusions of grandeur, with the idea of being an artist in my head, but, never picking up a pencil and drawing pad.


I'm in my early 20s and in my last year of university. So far I've been in the honors college for my physics major. TAed and taught a class, was a math tutor, doing research now and in the summer, did internships, been on the deans list a few times and was in the top 5% of grades during that time.

I don't know where I am in terms of being an astronaut, but I do know where I am in terms of going to grad school and getting a PhD and being funded, which is pretty good right now.

Once I do get a PhD I'll have all the prereqs for a mission specialist and I think at that time I can accurately assess how close I am to my dream.


----------



## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

you talking about narcissists or what?


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

conscius said:


> you talking about narcissists or what?


To tell you the truth I actually don't know


----------



## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

Nightmaker81 said:


> To tell you the truth I actually don't know


If you have great accomplishments and want to talk about them, I don't see anything wrong with that. I think as long as you allow time for others to express themselves to you and share with you their successes and happiness, and as long as you're not using your accomplishments to kick somebody down, go ahead and celebrate. 

If some people are not happy about it, that's their problem. Maybe they're envious, maybe they have regrets, maybe they're just unhappy, whatever.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

conscius said:


> If you have great accomplishments and want to talk about them, I don't see anything wrong with that. I think as long as you allow time for others to express themselves to you and share with you their successes and happiness, and as long as you're not using your accomplishments to kick somebody down, go ahead and celebrate.
> 
> If some people are not happy about it, that's their problem. Maybe they're envious, maybe they have regrets, maybe they're just unhappy, whatever.


Thanks man


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Shimmerleaf said:


> @_Nightmaker81_ You seem so overly concerned with how others view you and maybe that's what driving them away. You made an entire post about it, this thread is several pages long already and your response to my initial thought is long and involved. I'm not saying you're bad person. I'm not even trying to personally attack you. I'm simply giving you an honest thought on arrogance in general and an honest response as to why others may be giving you undesired reactions.
> 
> I don't doubt your good intentions, but sometimes we have to adjust our speech and behavior to get people to see those intentions more clearly. That's just my two cents.


Yeah I hear what you're saying, and you're right about adjusting our speech and behavior to get people to see us more clearly, but it's hard. 

I guess I'l give an example. I used to be a part of Air Force ROTC. I had to leave because of a temporary medical condition. I'm all ready for the waiver and applying to Air Force OTS, and is a realistic path I'm considering, but there's some other factors going into it.

Back in Air Force ROTC, I had a certain group of friends. We were the same in that regard, where we were all very driven, very ambitious, and very set on being pilots. 

I remember how intense AFROTC was because we were all aerospace engineers, which was a hard major on itself, and doing everything from our labs, drills, waking up at 5:30 am for PT and constantly keeping our bodies as athletic as possible, we needed an extra edge to keep willing our bodies to keep putting in like 13 hour days everyday.

And that's where our "arrogance" came in, but it worked. We all were adrenaline junkies, and we loved the feeling of constantly training our bodies and minds and making ourselves stronger. We knew we were entering the battlefield, and to us, when we studied, when we worked out, when we listened to our officers, it felt we were training to beat death. That if we kept training our minds, bodies and stayed focused we could do insane things with our lives.

Maybe the idea of cheating death is delusional, I don't fucking know. But I know it worked. All my friends are pilot selects, and one of them is ENJJPT. 

Euro-Nato Joint Jet Pilot Training - ENJJPT

ENJJPT is the highest honor for a pilot in the Air Force. You actually get to choose the aircraft you fly, and you're training with the top from both NATO and the US to become a pilot for that aircraft. It's the most competitive thing in the Air Force other than test pilot school, and my friend did it.

Another friend I knew was in Navy ROTC, and is now a special warfare cadet(the prerequisite for a Navy SEAL). I've talked to him about how he deals with the fact that he'll face death and come close with it. He told me what I expected and that was he could beat death. That if he kept constantly training his mind and body he'd make it out there.

That realistically doesn't happen, but to ensure your best chances in a warzone like that, you need that mentality. And I had that mentality and so did my ROTC friends. But that kind of mentality doesn't come naturally. You have to train yourself to get that when you really want something, because it's not easy waking up at 5:30 running 10 miles, lifting, and then studying for 8 hours, and then doing it nearly everyday for an entire semester. You get worn down and tired, and that's where that confidence in yourself comes in to keep motivating yourself.

And when I developed that mentality it's hard to find a balance, but I am trying to do that. I try to keep my accomplishments and bragging as low key as possible, and it's the process of maturing and finding the ability to legitimately believe you can do anything, while also keeping it to yourself.

So I get what you're saying, but I'm not going to lie, that process is pretty hard.


----------



## PurpleAmy (Oct 5, 2014)

Nightmaker81 said:


> And when I developed that mentality it's hard to find a balance, but I am trying to do that. I try to keep my accomplishments and bragging as low key as possible, and it's the process of maturing and finding the ability to legitimately believe you can do anything, while also keeping it to yourself.
> 
> So I get what you're saying, but I'm not going to lie, that process is pretty hard.


You've accomplished a lot with your life thus far, and seem bound to continue doing so. How do people respond when you use those experiences to inspire others that they can seize their opportunities just as you have yours? That is, putting encouragement out front and backing it with your experiences of overcoming your own doubts if they express theirs.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

PurpleAmy said:


> You've accomplished a lot with your life thus far, and seem bound to continue doing so. How do people respond when you use those experiences to inspire others that they can seize their opportunities just as you have yours? That is, putting encouragement out front and backing it with your experiences of overcoming your own doubts if they express theirs.


Man it's actually been really great. One of my best friends is actually at Harvard Law School. He was a bit the same as me, where he had the ambition of becoming president one day. It was a pretty big ambition, but that was him, and I think we were attracted to each other because we both had those big dreams, and had a lot of naysayers in our lives, but still had that drive to go for.

And I think we really fed off each other. We both really motivated and inspired each other to keep pushing forward.

I remember one specific moment. I want to note that this was both consensual between us, this is how we both acted, and this is something we both enjoyed and neither of us felt demeaned by each other.

But I remember getting on the Dean's List for the third time in a row. I was pretty happy, because I was cemented at the top of my grades for my major.

I remember hanging out with a group of friends and my friend at Harvard said to me 

"Man why the hell are you chillin Andrew? Shouldn't you be working and stop being so lazy"

I said 
"Excuse me, I know you're not talking to me like that"

He said
"Look I know you're happy about the third Dean's List. But I got on there 6 times, and as I recall 6>3"

and I said
"Haha good point. I can't say anything to that. Alright I'll shut up and take your abuse"

That convo for me highlighted our relationship. When he got into Harvard Law School, man I was so fucking happy for him. He deserved it, especially with all the hard work he put in, and likewise I think we both really pushed and inspired each other, because he believed I can be an astronaut someday, and I believe he can be president someday.

But yeah I've had relationships like that where a person and I both fed off each other and pushed each other while being really close friends


----------



## PurpleAmy (Oct 5, 2014)

@Nightmaker81, Good story. Maybe that's all there is to it for you. Does it sound fulfilling to connect through inspire and encouraging others, and using your accomplishments and strength as support, without putting those out front?

Does that leave something missing for you? It would for me, but I'm an image type.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

PurpleAmy said:


> @_Nightmaker81_, Good story. Maybe that's all there is to it for you. Does it sound fulfilling to connect through inspire and encouraging others, and using your accomplishments and strength as support, without putting those out front?
> 
> Does that leave something missing for you? It would for me, but I'm an image type.


Yeah it really does. I really do wish the best for people and like seeing them happy and successful. Having that support and connectivity with others and them sharing their dreams with me and talking about their ambitions and goals is something I really enjoy hearing and like being a part of.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

There's actually a girl I'm really attracted to. We've known each other for awhile, but man I've always been attracted to her. She's also very ambitious and very driven. She really loves design and wants to create her own company and try to make a company with a great, expressive environment for people to thrive in.

Man I love that part about her, and I think we both enjoy each other. I would marry this girl in a heartbeat, and talking to her makes me feel happy, but we have an issue of religion. I'm not religious and she's been a very devout Christian her whole life. She's a very liberal Christian though, but still I'm not sure with the ideological difference.

But I dunno maybe it might work


----------



## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Okay, well everyone is kind of narcissistic in their early 20s, the fact that you are giving back to society with being a math tutor , I think it would be hard to make the case you're narcissistic. Millions, including myself, suffer from having a hard time with math. Might I offer that you take a year off, after getting the degree, to explore the world a little? Also, is NASA even hiring? Last I heard they retired the space shuttle, and it's been hard pushing legislation through Congress, to undergo more NASA related endeavors.



Nightmaker81 said:


> I'm in my early 20s and in my last year of university. So far I've been in the honors college for my physics major. TAed and taught a class, was a math tutor, doing research now and in the summer, did internships, been on the deans list a few times and was in the top 5% of grades during that time.
> 
> I don't know where I am in terms of being an astronaut, but I do know where I am in terms of going to grad school and getting a PhD and being funded, which is pretty good right now.
> 
> Once I do get a PhD I'll have all the prereqs for a mission specialist and I think at that time I can accurately assess how close I am to my dream.


----------



## Indiana Dan (Jun 11, 2013)

You are a powerful & advanced soul, which has a great capacity- but in humanity,the more power you have the more you are required to help others. You don't need them;- they need you. If you don't help them they will become leeches and bring you to ruins through telepathic viruses. You can be any kind of king you want- you'll still be a king, but I personally would choose to be a good one. Remember that a numeric quantity of friends and bullshit texts on facebook does not by any means register as genuine.

Narcissism is a term used to describe powerful people who are selfish. The ego is unhealthy.


----------



## PurpleAmy (Oct 5, 2014)

Nightmaker81 said:


> There's actually a girl I'm really attracted to. We've known each other for awhile, but man I've always been attracted to her. She's also very ambitious and very driven. She really loves design and wants to create her own company and try to make a company with a great, expressive environment for people to thrive in.
> 
> Man I love that part about her, and I think we both enjoy each other. I would marry this girl in a heartbeat, and talking to her makes me feel happy, but we have an issue of religion. I'm not religious and she's been a very devout Christian her whole life. She's a very liberal Christian though, but still I'm not sure with the ideological difference.
> 
> But I dunno maybe it might work. But I guess it does make me optimistic that I can meet a girl who really feels me like that, and we both can care for each other and be happy with each other


I dunno about religion, it didn't take for me and I find it a bit off-putting as far as close relationships go. 

I've always been fascinated by relationships between two driven people, when they work. I think the fundamental motivations are universal, but it has to express a bit differently than is traditional for two highly driven people to keep pursuing their ambitions. I suppose there is something to be said for looking for one's complement, but I've always been much more drawn to those where we challenge each other, though, in my case, that's more of an introvert's challenge to the inner world than the outer one.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Brian1 said:


> Okay, well everyone is kind of narcissistic in their early 20s, the fact that you are giving back to society with being a math tutor , I think it would be hard to make the case you're narcissistic. Millions, including myself, suffer from having a hard time with math. Might I offer that you take a year off, after getting the degree, to explore the world a little? Also, is NASA even hiring? Last I heard they retired the space shuttle, and it's been hard pushing legislation through Congress, to undergo more NASA related endeavors.


Nah man, NASA started a new project with Orion.
Orion | NASA

It's their flagship project to get people to Mars. I always fantasized being on there, because I'll be in prime age when it's ready to take off, and having the honor of being one of the first people on Mars. It'd be absolutely euphoric experiencing that. 



PurpleAmy said:


> I dunno about religion, it didn't take for me and I find it a bit off-putting as far as close relationships go.
> 
> I've always been fascinated by relationships between two driven people, when they work. I think the fundamental motivations are universal, but it has to express a bit differently than is traditional for two highly driven people to keep pursuing their ambitions. I suppose there is something to be said for looking for one's complement, but I've always been much more drawn to those where we challenge each other, though, in my case, that's more of an introvert's challenge to the inner world than the outer one.


Nah I feel you on that. I like her artistic side and I feel it does oppose my more scientific mind. A part of the reason why I always liked strong women is that they won't be afraid to challenge me on several fronts and call me out when I need it, and at the same time we can push each other towards our dreams.

I dunno I guess al I know is that I really admire her, and I think she's a great person, and she's someone I do look up to. Even if it doesn't work out romantically I still think she's a great human being, and talking to her is something I enjoy.


----------



## MisterD (Feb 24, 2010)

No matter what you do... Someone will hate or be salty.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Btw thanks guys. It's nice to vent sometimes and sorting out my feelings instead of holding them inside. Thanks for listening and letting me use this forum as a medium to talk.


----------



## 007phantom (May 1, 2010)

MisterD said:


> No matter what you do... Someone will hate or be salty.


^^ This. I haven't invested the time to actually try and analyze you and whether or not you legitimately come off as arrogant but I would say just keep doing whatever you can to keep improving while at the same time acknowledging that it's ok to not be perfect and that there are always going to be people that hate you. There will be people that hate you for logical reasons and there will those that hate you for illogical reasons. Don't get too rustled about it, this is something you can learn from Kobe.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

007phantom said:


> ^^ This. I haven't invested the time to actually try and analyze you and whether or not you legitimately come off as arrogant but I would say just keep doing whatever you can to keep improving while at the same time acknowledging that it's ok to not be perfect and that there are always going to be people that hate you. There will be people that hate you for logical reasons and there will those that hate you for illogical reasons. Don't get too rustled about it, this is something you can learn from Kobe.



Dude hell yes. I watched the whole Kobe Muse documentary. I feel him on so many levels and what he's saying with a lot of things.


----------



## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

@Nightmaker81

What are your thoughts on these pictures?


----------



## 007phantom (May 1, 2010)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Dude hell yes. I watched the whole Kobe Muse documentary. I feel him on so many levels and what he's saying with a lot of things.


Dude that documentary was greatness. I have the audio of it on my phone now and I just listen to it whenever I feel like it. So many great quotes. I like the part where he takes about learning to play with rage and using basketball to channel all the darker emotions he has. It's an amazing thing to take all the negative things people throw at you, and just the negative emotions you have and use it as motivation to help pursue your goals, I'm trying to make that a habit of mine now as well.

I literally in my head started to look back and gather as many painful memories as I could and tried to start using that as motivation in places like the gym.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

tiredsighs said:


> @_Nightmaker81_
> 
> What are your thoughts on these pictures?


I think that's the ideal way of doing things, but it's hard getting to the ideal for anything. A lot of people may not have issues with this, but still are trying to find their ideal way of doing things in their own lives.

Not making excuses, but it is a hard process. Especially since I was made fun of and demeaned my whole life for it.

Have you ever seen Naruto? The dude in the beginning of the series is very adamant and very loud he's going to be Hokage(the highest position in the village) 





It's because he was ostracized his whole life for what he was born as that he went that route and it was his survival technique. For him to not delve into his depression and negative feelings, he needed to tell himself that he was going to be Hokage, and believe that against everyone saying he was a loser, so he needed to be loud to convince himself.

Once the series goes, he becomes a lot more mature and actually becomes Hokage, and it was a combination of a lot of stuff with him putting the work ethic to become that, people respecting him and him getting a friend and basis of people he could rely on


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

007phantom said:


> Dude that documentary was greatness. I have the audio of it on my phone now and I just listen to it whenever I feel like it. So many great quotes. I like the part where he takes about learning to play with rage and using basketball to channel all the darker emotions he has. It's an amazing thing to take all the negative things people throw at you, and just the negative emotions you have and use it as motivation to help pursue your goals, I'm trying to make that a habit of mine now as well.
> 
> I literally in my head started to look back and gather as many painful memories as I could and tried to start using that as motivation in places like the gym.


Hell yeah man. It was really amazing seeing Kobe grow as a person. Everything from seeing his struggles, his guilt with his wife's miscarriage, the negativity in his life, and channeling all that into his drive. This image represents it all: 

http://www.ms-ent.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/nba_g_kbryant_sy_576.jpg

Oh man, that moment for Kobe must have been pure fucking euphoria. After everything, after all that hard work, he did it. He has people who love him and appreciate him, and he achieved his dream. I remember watching that and being so happy seeing that.


----------



## 007phantom (May 1, 2010)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Hell yeah man. It was really amazing seeing Kobe grow as a person. Everything from seeing his struggles, his guilt with his wife's miscarriage, the negativity in his life, and channeling all that into his drive. This image represents it all:
> 
> http://www.ms-ent.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/nba_g_kbryant_sy_576.jpg
> 
> Oh man, that moment for Kobe must have been pure fucking euphoria. After everything, after all that hard work, he did it. He has people who love him and appreciate him, and he achieved his dream. I remember watching that and being so happy seeing that.


Another thing I really appreciated about it is it showed the airballs he made. I had a book on Kobe and read a bit about him before the documentary and when he first came in his coach held back on giving him the minutes he needed. Then at a high pressure moment during the playoffs he threw Kobe in to make some high pressure shots. Naturally the airballs happened. I just like how he took you through that whole emotional process of the build up, the anticipation to play, the failure, the guilt, and the comeback, the rise back from it all. That's what I was longing for, I saw enough footage Kobe being dominant on the field and clutch but I wanted to see his wiring, the inner workings. It was great.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

007phantom said:


> Another thing I really appreciated about it is it showed the airballs he made. I had a book on Kobe and read a bit about him before the documentary and when he first came in his coach held back on giving him the minutes he needed. Then at a high pressure moment during the playoffs he threw Kobe in to make some high pressure shots. Naturally the airballs happened. I just like how he took you through that whole emotional process of the build up, the anticipation to play, the failure, the guilt, and the comeback, the rise back from it all. That's what I was longing for, I saw enough footage Kobe being dominant on the field and clutch but I wanted to see his wiring, the inner workings. It was great.


For sure man! Glad to see another Kobe fan on the forum.


----------



## HAL (May 10, 2014)

I think highly of myself. It's a personal opinion. I don't shout it from the rooftops, hence nobody hates me.

Surely the real questions is:

"Why is there a certain dislike for people who openly make others feel inferior?" 

or:

"Why is there a certain dislike for people who assume they're the best even if they're not?"

or:

"Why is there a certain dislike for people who insist on doing things their own incorrect way?"

And now I hope the answer is obvious.


----------



## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

I find overly confident people annoying for one main reason:

They tend to talk too much, and assume that I give a shit what they say.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

What's up guys, I just woke up! Man this is actually the best I've been feeling in awhile. I always tracked how well I'm doing with my dreams, and last night I had a really good dream, and I felt really refreshed and calm when I woke up. 

Gonna eat breakfast, chill a little bit, get a workout in, catch up on my math homework and work on my research. I think it's going to be a really great and fulfilling day


----------



## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Because it brings certain other people to be aware of their own insecurities and inadequacies. And I mean only certain people because not everyone dislikes others who like themselves a lot. I mean, I can like other people a lot but it's different when they like themselves a lot. Misery breeds company and those who have contempt for themselves congregate with others who share similar feelings. So it's like we know it's unhealthy and kinda cancerous to dislike ourselves yet it's obnoxious to others to like ourselves a lot, so we have to strive to reach a balance of humbleness and self belief, we sure are a masochistic society though that also likes to punish others for our own issues.


----------



## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I personally like people who have a healthy high opinion of themselves, because depending on personality type, they can be the most fun, feisty, friendly, expansive, adventurous or yes ambitious. Sometimes they're even sexy. 

But people with a pathological malignant self love usually either alarm or annoy most people. The people who are most susceptible to it are individual cases of sexual attraction, but there are weird phenomenon of people who actually like Kanye West and want to buy the air trapped at his shows (I liked "Through the Wire" very intensely actually, but could frankly do without him as a person, and it is not because I dislike EFP who have NORMAL self love or even lovable cocky traits). I wonder what disorder makes you actually like Kanye West, how conversely LOW your self esteem has to be, or actually how much you are like him or identify with him.

I don't know you, so I don't know if you are loveable, fun, feisty, expansive, adventurous self love, or a book-loving Kanye, so I can not say if you are just repellent for being a pathological narcissist of the most extreme kind, or .if you are simply an intense person, because I am as well and actually like and admire other intense people. 

Some people actually believe wanting everyone to like you is a poor goal. Really who wants to be so average or watered down they are liked by everyone.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Thalassa said:


> I personally like people who have a healthy high opinion of themselves, because depending on personality type, they can be the most fun, feisty, friendly, expansive, adventurous or yes ambitious. Sometimes they're even sexy.
> 
> But people with a pathological malignant self love usually either alarm or annoy most people. The people who are most susceptible to it are individual cases of sexual attraction, but there are weird phenomenon of people who actually like Kanye West and want to buy the air trapped at his shows (I liked "Through the Wire" very intensely actually, but could frankly do without him as a person, and it is not because I dislike EFP who have NORMAL self love or even lovable cocky traits). I wonder what disorder makes you actually like Kanye West, how conversely LOW your self esteem has to be, or actually how much you are like him or identify with him.
> 
> ...


Hell yeah you get me. I don't like Kanye levels of ego where you're putting other people down, and demeaning others to inflate yourself. 

But that intensness and boldness I see in others who are very ambitious and forthcoming, it's fun ya know? I like being near them and their energy builds off and increases your own. I always wanted that quality when dating someone too because I feel we'd have that mutual desire and ability to grow with each other.


----------



## Loaf (Mar 27, 2014)

Because usually people who think highly of themselves are assholes with a greater than thou attitude.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

What's up guys! So I'm officially on spring break and wanted to update. So I was on pure adrenaline these past few weeks. I had a vector analysis exam on Friday, and by Thursday night I was on my last legs. But I wanted to push myself, and spent like 9 hours studying with 3 hours of sleep. I took the exam and it went pretty well. I came back home around Friday at 4pm, and then slept for 13 hours.

Now that I'm relaxed and rested, all I can say is that I'm feeling one thing. Euphoria. Holy crap, it's been hell these past few weeks, but when I can sit down and relax, it feels absolutely amazing. I know some of ya'll criticize my life choices, but I know this is the path for me, and makes me feel really fulfilled and happy.

Now that I'm a lot more relaxed, I've been showing my nice side a lot more. I've been showing up to my friends events, trying to support them and be there, and be a lot more extroverted and hang out with them, and it's been great. I don't know how long until I have to rev up the adrenaline again, but this week and this time makes it all worth it.


----------



## dweeb (Feb 18, 2015)

this reminds me of those people who write essay long posts about how little they care, leaving you wondering why someone who supposedly cares so little would expend so much time and energy trying to convince everyone how little they care

people care just as little about how high you think about yourself as they do how low you think of yourself. i don't wanna hear about how much you hate yourself, nor do i wanna hear about how much you love yourself. neither does anything for me.

to be vocal about your supposed self-confidence, to me, makes it appear as if you are seeking external validation because if you really felt that way about yourself, you wouldn't need to talk about it constantly. even if you do talk yourself up on occasion, i've found that confident people don't react to the negative feedback they get. it seems your high sense of self-worth is grounded in what others think of you.

if a person is truly confident, it will show in their speech and mannerisms and strut and such



Yomiel said:


> Genuine confidence is fine by me (in fact, it's really great), but making outward displays of superiority or making it clear that you view yourself as more capable than most others around you will definitely turn me away, and for a few reasons.
> For one, I've had the fortune of knowing many genuinely intellectually gifted people from my high-school education, and none of them were trivial enough to spend their time bragging about how well intellectually endowed they were; they knew they had it and they used it to accomplish things they were passionate about. They were open minded and above petty ego stroking. In contrast, most of the, well, less intelligent and obnoxious people I interacted with (who maybe were a cut above average, but no more) made a show of their "superiority" because they were pathetic and they knew it. They had axes to grind with society from rejection of some other sort, and were mindlessly perpetuating the cycle of insecurity and hostility by trying to belittle the next lowest guy on the totem pole much like they were belittled by the guy above them. I feel bad in a sense, because I'm guessing most lacked the introspection to notice this, but it's far too destructive for me to want to be around. I'm not interested in being around anyone who's trying to size me up from my every sentence, and if you believe yourself an arbiter of my worth, I'm pretty skeptical of how thoughtful you really are.
> 
> That said, if you really, truly, totally believe you're the shit and that you're better than everyone else in some absolute and unequivocal way, then it follows that you value your well-being far above my own (or that of any other friends of yours), so naturally I'm not going to want to be around you since I get less out of the relationship.


this is perfect


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

dweeb said:


> this reminds me of those people who write essay long posts about how little they care, leaving you wondering why someone who supposedly cares so little would expend so much time and energy trying to convince everyone how little they care
> 
> people care just as little about how high you think about yourself as they do how low you think of yourself. i don't wanna hear about how much you hate yourself, nor do i wanna hear about how much you love yourself. neither does anything for me.
> 
> ...


Well if it means anything, some people have shown dislike to my lifestyle in this thread, but I still will keep living that way, because I know it makes me happy, so it's own way of showing that I still want to stick to my guns


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

@Nightmaker81










erc2: just continue being awesome, people be jelly & feel inferior thats all. It makes them angry at themselves, which they find difficult to handle. >.> I know as I have been there.

Keep it real, work hard and gl :3


----------



## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

The fact that you're somehow trying to explain to me,
How you really are this popular and suave guy,
Makes me just think you must have an insecurity about coming across a certain way.

If you're really *That* great,
It should be something I can see and notice,
Not something you would need to tell me.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

FreeBeer said:


> @_Nightmaker81_
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ha thanks man! I appreciate it, it's always helped me talking about it with other people who get that aspect about it and feeling understood there. Good luck to you too and your future endeavors



Valide Sultan said:


> The fact that you're somehow trying to explain to me,
> How you really are this popular and suave guy,
> Makes me just think you must have an insecurity about coming across a certain way.
> 
> ...


Ok


----------



## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

As I always say, it's lonely at the top. Might as well relish.


----------



## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

There's a few concepts actually. 

The first is the person who constantly need to brag and tell others they are great.....because actually they're not really convinced that they are. People dislike this because they're expression of their awesomeness is usually coupled with an implied or outright assertion that other's aren't. It's a comparison thing and it seeks to exert power over others in some fashion. That always pisses people off. 

The second is people who really have achieved a lot and their success frankly makes others internally aware of how they are leading a quiet life of desperation, afraid to change, afraid to take a risk, afraid to be who they are. You'll see this a lot in office environments where everyone agrees that the continually awarded employee is a great person, but secretly they hate the way he/she makes them feel embarassed for their own levels of performance. They won't openly snub this person because that would be rude but there's an undercurrent of resentment that their own meagre achievements are being overshadowed by someone else. Rather than rise to the challenge and do more, be more, they simply sulk and convince themselves that their own lack of success is only because of this one person hogging all the limelight. That's called the Tall Poppy Syndrome, where I am from. 

And the last situation is the quiet acheiver, where someone who truly does achieve a lot but they've already gotten their satisfaction in their achievement and have no need at all to let others know about what they've done. They just get on and do and most people are none the wiser. This is probably the preferred mode for society because of the tendency to feel resentful as illustrated in point two and the hatred of being made to feel small in point one. 

Bottom line, if you truly are awesome and think highly of yourself you're best expression of it is to enjoy your awesome status quietly. It's an unspoken rule that any kudo's due to you must come from the outside if they are to be acknowledged at all. Most people really do lead an ordinary life and it's uncomfortable to be reminded that they could have been so much more. Other people's success usually does that.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

InSolitude said:


> There's a few concepts actually.
> 
> The first is the person who constantly need to brag and tell others they are great.....because actually they're not really convinced that they are. People dislike this because they're expression of their awesomeness is usually coupled with an implied or outright assertion that other's aren't. It's a comparison thing and it seeks to exert power over others in some fashion. That always pisses people off.
> 
> ...


Nah I completely get you with that. I used to be a lot like #1, especially in high school. I wanted to do big things with my life, but didn't have the accomplishments, and was just sorta ostracized my whole life for it. Once I got to college, people were a lot more accepting of me. I still had a #1 attitude, but the way people reacted was a bit different, and it was what I needed. I felt people were starting to like me, and it helped tremendously. 

Having that feeling, I started getting legitimate confidence in myself and that I could do things. I started focusing, and that gave me more legitimate confidence and a lot less insecurity, and I became a lot more of #3 as the years in college passed and I had legit accomplishments. I feel how people view me changed immensely. I think people liked that I had drive, and I legitimately cared for my major and my dreams, and it was an aspect started helping me get friends.

I'm a lot more quiet now, than I was before, some people don't like me, but that's always going to happen, but I do think a lot more people like that part about me, and I was able to get a lot of close friends with that part defining me in a way. Because for me the accomplishment part gave me a feeling peace and calmness, and that allowed me to be a lot more sociable, and affable around people which helped me gain friends. 

So it was funny how it worked out in the end. I guess I just needed that "spark" to get me going.


----------



## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

It's called jealousy. People don't like seeing someone getting theirs because it forces them to think about their own life...and they rather just go through the motions. Water finds its own level. 

I pay them no attention. Same people hating are the same people who'll come back when you've gotten it trying to claim you were the best of friends. You wouldn't believe how many cousins you have when you're a success.


----------



## Peter (Feb 27, 2010)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Alright first of all I wanted to post this to show that I'm not some loser shut in like some people accuse me of. I do have a lot of people who support me and a very tight close knit circle of friends, and a social life(when I actually have time to go out).
> 
> http://i.imgur.com/ZiprONx.png
> 
> ...


The way people respond to you is the result of your behavior, not of your achievements or what you think of yourself.

If, in your behavior, people see arrogance it literally means they think you look down upon them. If that's what you communicate through your behavior, is it really that strange they don't like you?

You may think you don't communicate that to other people, but this is mostly body language. You say your competition doesn't dislike you. But that makes sense actually. By how great you think you are, you probably communicate arrogance towards people you look down upon. Those however you don't look down upon, or may even look up to, they don't get arrogance from you because you don't communicate arrogance towards them. This actually makes sense, which I'm sure you understand considering your 100% score on complex analysis exam.

Interesting though, that you scored 100% on complex analysis, but couldn't figure this one out by yourself. But that too makes sense: There are 2 types of analysis,.. Analysis of things you have figured out before (or that somebody explained to you) and Analysis of completely new things, which probably is what personality types and cognitive functions are to you.


And good luck with becoming an astronaut. I like that as a goal. I'm not sure why you believe that's the definition of "great things". I know it's freaking difficult to reach that goal, but as far as "great things" are concerned, not anymore. That used to be a great thing 50 years ago I think. But, if you´re planning to go to mars, then ignore what I just said,... that would really be a "great thing".


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Peter said:


> The way people respond to you is the result of your behavior, not of your achievements or what you think of yourself.
> 
> If, in your behavior, people see arrogance it literally means they think you look down upon them. If that's what you communicate through your behavior, is it really that strange they don't like you?
> 
> ...


You're right. I wasn't really truthful or seeing things right when I wrote the OP. 

I guess to explain, I'd have to say a bit about my past. I grew up in this very white washed rich school district, and it was pretty awful growing up there. I was the only Indian male in my grade, and along with the racism, I faced a lot of bullying. Like those people were just awful towards me, joke voted me prom king, spread gay rumors about me, made fake facebooks of me and made fun of me when I didn't have one. I just felt ostracized my whole life at that place, and it wasn't just the students, it was the majority of teachers too. I remember going to my guidance counselor in like 11th grade, and I told her I wanted to be an astronaut. I remember it pitch perfect, because she laughed in a sense like "Are you serious" and told me to work on something more realistic. 

So yeah I was loud, I was obnoxious, but it was legitimately the only thing that kept me alive and surviving and pushing me forward. I related a lot to Naruto who was obnoxious about being a Hokage and I understood why he did it looking back on it. It was the only thing keeping him from wallowing in all the negative feelings and depression. 

I went to an out of state college, because I disliked the people from my high school that much. I didn't know what I was going to experience in college, and I ended up dorming in the biggest party dorm of the time. Looking back, I was socially awkward, I was weird, and I was probably as loud as I was in high school. But there was something really different. People accepted me. I knew I was a weirdo, but people gave me a chance, and that was something I never felt ya know? Whether it was something as them inviting me out to go to the gym, or a party, or just casual hanging out, I knew I was awkward as fuck and didn't converse that well, but it was the fact that they accepted me that was tremendous. 

It began a big change in me, and I became a lot more comfortable with who I am. When I wrote the OP I was in full stressed out-competitive mode, and sometimes the irrational thoughts flood in. I knew deep down in the back of my mind that my life was a lot different now, but it's only been like that for 4 years. The majority of my life I was bullied and ostracized for my ambitions and goals, and I guess my mind started relating it to that.

But now that I'm a lot more relaxed, I'm starting to see a lot more clearly. I've been hanging out with my friends these past few days, which I haven't done in awhile. I been on a date, which was the first time I did something like that in months, and the way I painted things in the OP weren't true. I'm not this hated person walking around campus that is ostracized everywhere. I was that person back in high school, and sometimes my mind goes back to that. 

All I really wanted to do was become an astronaut because I always dreamed of being in the stars. People labeled that as delusional, believing I could do that as egotistical, and that it was "too great for me". I don't think it's a great thing, I just want to really do it and know it's something that'll make me happy. 

If anything I think the way I was treated helped me empathize with things a lot more, and helped me realize that not everyone has opportunities or the chances to do big things in life, and coming from that stand point I don't have any point to judge. But in the end, when I'm trying really hard to focus and go towards my dreams, my mind goes back to the past where that part was something that made me feel extremely alone, and I think I have to remind myself, maybe hang a poster on my wall or something, that I'm a different person now, I'm not that little boy, and I have people who are in my life that mean a lot, and I shouldn't let that past part of me hold me back.


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

xisnotx said:


> It's called jealousy. People don't like seeing someone getting theirs because it forces them to think about their own life...and they rather just go through the motions. Water finds its own level.
> 
> I pay them no attention. Same people hating are the same people who'll come back when you've gotten it trying to claim you were the best of friends. You wouldn't believe how many cousins you have when you're a success.


I sorta agree and disagree. I don't have anything against people with legit criticism and I conversed with people who had criticism against me in this topic. Other people were openly insulting, and I just ignored them, because there was no point in talking to them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with criticism especially if that person is respectful, but yeah I think I get what you're saying with people who are openly insulting and condescending. Ironically I think those people have just as big as egos, they just tend not to be honest about that part about them and act a bit self righteous, but whatever we can choose to ignore them.


----------



## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

I also have been faulted throughout my life for being confident and accused of arrogance or a lack of humility. There are many astonishing parallels to your own life although I will not detail them. You seem decidedly enneagram 3 ENTJ though and I am 8 ENTP. A vast difference in the ability to cultivate or more correctly TO CARE to cultivate public opinion towards yourself. 

In the case of this thread and your many responses all of which I read, I must say, methinks thou doth ________ too much. Fill in the blank with self-focus. Sticking to your guns will get you success in all likelihood. But be aware of the workaholic tendency, the self-delusion, the blatant disregard for the momentum and power your personal agenda will have on everyone in your wake. It's easy to rationalize. You achieve and take your rightful place. Maybe it is that way. 

As long as you hold in your heart of hearts the worthiness of even the least of others as equal to your own, you will not fail to be at least aiming at wisdom. But aiming and progressing are two different things. Defeating the ego trance is a wise goal and that means relaxing the self focus. It doesn't mean you cannot succeed, but, the choices you make in order to do so can compromise your maturity and lock you into your ego delusion. It's very dangerous. And double for you. As a 3 (guessing) living in a 3 culture you are like a pig in a mud sty. In some sense you are going to get fat and happy on work. Work work work - achieve achieve, image image. It's your cocaine. Be careful. Addiction is not pretty.

There are many things you reactively say that seem to shore up the otherwise expected negatives associated with 3 ness and workaholism. But they do indeed seem to be reactions. Not accidental or genuine delivery. That is just my opinion. As long as you are aware of these tendencies and fight them, you have some license to shake your head at the naysayers and press on, doing your best to compete with yourself for ever greater achievements. More power to you. Aiming high is a lifestyle that suits you. 

Just remember you belong. The lowest bum you fly over is part of you and you reach your heights to glorify them as well as yourself. Share your gifts and all will be well. Good luck!


----------



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

series0 said:


> I also have been faulted throughout my life for being confident and accused of arrogance or a lack of humility. There are many astonishing parallels to your own life although I will not detail them. You seem decidedly enneagram 3 ENTJ though and I am 8 ENTP. A vast difference in the ability to cultivate or more correctly TO CARE to cultivate public opinion towards yourself.
> 
> In the case of this thread and your many responses all of which I read, I must say, methinks thou doth ________ too much. Fill in the blank with self-focus. Sticking to your guns will get you success in all likelihood. But be aware of the workaholic tendency, the self-delusion, the blatant disregard for the momentum and power your personal agenda will have on everyone in your wake. It's easy to rationalize. You achieve and take your rightful place. Maybe it is that way.
> 
> ...


If it means anything I'm a 6. When I become a 3 I tend to show my unhealthy side, but when I have that peace and calmness of a 9 I show my more healthy side of me.


----------



## enmity (Jul 14, 2012)

I wonder why this was posted in the sex section. People hate bragging. Listing your accomplishments when unasked for is really bragging. But being liked by everyone is not that great anyways. You probably already know what to do.


----------

