# I don't have a Culture.



## Kazoo The Kid (May 26, 2013)

So my mothers side of the family is puerto rican. My fathers is Dominican. I grew up all around poor black/spanish people for lack of a better way to put it. 

But everyone always makes fun of how white I act? I don't know. I don't speak Spanish. I have fairly tan skin. And I feel alienated from my own culture I guess? Black people don't accept me. White people don't accept me. Spanish people DEFINITELY don't accept me. More then once people have tried to con me into paying more for shit and trick me in stupid ways because they are under the assumption I am white and lack street smarts. But then white people are still afraid of me.

I don't know how to put any of us in a way that is politically correct so excuse me. I live in a mostly black community and I have my entire life. And I never really felt accepted in this culture. Not to say any other culture is superior. I just never liked any of the music they liked or liked the way they dressed. And I don't know I just feel really alienated from the society I'm suppose to be a part of. I grew up fairly poor. My family may be puerto rican but as far as friendships and racial identity goes almost all of them identify as part of "african american sub-culture". 

I have two older brothers. One of my brothers is pale skinned. Like super pale skinned. He has straight hair naturally listens to like alternative and stuff and easily passes as white and ALL his friends are white.

And I have another brother who is really dark skinned. Listens to rap, hip-hop all his friends are black. 

And its just ???. My father was black as night. My mother was a ginger. One brother came out dark skinned. One came out white. And then I came out tan with awkward curly hair and overall no set cultural identity. Yet I don't see how color really matters. Plenty of kids lighter then me still have a "black" cultural identity. And I've met people darker then me who go to all white schools and act "white".

I also recently learned Hispanic is not a race. So I was asking my brothers what they identify as when answering census stuff and ect and one answered white and one answered black. 

And anyway it all makes me feel like garbage for lack of a better term. Like. What the hell do I do about any of this? Act whiter? Act blacker? Act more Hispanic? I don't really see a solution for any of this? 

Alot of people have attempted to "cause problems" with me because of how white I act. Don't get me wrong. I stop them really quick and make it clear I will not be fucked with. I'm not a pushover. Its just really sucky for literally every group to look at me and say "He's not one of us".

Like what do I do in this situation? Am I suppose to like just pick a race and start acting like that?


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

I can kinda sorta relate. I'm Indian but don't really partake in any of the culture anymore - not religious, don't speak Hindi/Punjabi, detest Bollywood films - Most of my cousins have learned to blend in with both cultures. Amongst them, the difference in our adaptations isn't so obvious, but I've noticed that when I've met other Indians at school or outside my immediate family, there's a divide. 

I would say, based upon what you've typed, it sounds like your environment is the problem. I don't mean to say that in a "you're not wrong, it's the world's fault" kind of way, but it doesn't seem like you live in the nicest neighborhood - regardless of race or skin color, the people sound kinda douchey. If you were in an area where more people were open minded, you wouldn't be rejected because you don't act how you're expected to according to their schemas.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

That gingerness took a similar route in my paternal family, l honestly don't know what their heritage is but they have a Spanish family surname that nobody is informed about. lt doesn't even show up in most genealogy databases.

All the redheads are white as the whitest person you ever did see, and the rest of the kids are' 'dark white people(?)'' with crazy hair, l guess, lol.


Add to that, they are racist, so.


l fully support you acting like whatever you want to act like, can't stand it when someone has the nerve to tell a person of color they 'act white' and had a black friend who was pretty alienated from his family because of this.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Act how you feel is natural, and once you're comfortable in your own skin, you will find people who accept you as you are.

The people who try to create issues with you are acting out of _fear_ and _ignorance_, and they will only hold back your own personal growth. Shed them, don't lower yourself for them.


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

You don't have to act white, black, hispanic, whatever. Act just like you, be you. You are not your skin.

This happens in every aspect of life, people pushed me away before because they called me "different" it is not the same, but the situation is just the same. I won't be what they want me to be, because I can only be myself. 

If they want to push you away, that's fine, but don't let them to tell you who you are not or who you are not because you are the only one with the right to tell that. If you are happy with yourself, that's it.

If you want to choose because it was you feel the right thing to do, then choose, but not what they want, just choose what you feel is right for you.


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## SoulRefugee (Jan 27, 2014)

Just be yourself dude, I have same situation being of mexican descent but terrible at spanish and am very americanized. Plus I don't look like many of the hispanics around my area(I tend to look more native american, others here look more spanish) so most people don't even think I'm mexican. 

Learn to accept your own strengths, soon enough you'll come across some chill people who will give no shits about what background you're from. Would you really want your trust to be put into other's hands who only care about stereotypes?

My suggestion would be to pick the human race and be an awesome mofo that you want to be


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

SoulRefugee said:


> My suggestion would be to pick the human race and be an awesome mofo that you want to be


Makes me think of Bruce Lee's response when an interviewer asked him if he considered himself Chinese or American. "I consider myself a human being".


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## Phobic (Dec 27, 2012)

There are a lot of people who feel the same way -- it's a multiracial thing, feeling lost and torn between cultures and expectations. I don't have much useful advice to give because I'm not hit with much more than some melancholy and microagressions, but you might find this tumblog helpful.


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## SoulRefugee (Jan 27, 2014)

SugarForBreakfast said:


> Makes me think of Bruce Lee's response when an interviewer asked him if he considered himself Chinese or American. "I consider myself a human being".


Lol I totally forgot he said that


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## athenian200 (Oct 13, 2008)

I feel like I've sort of been where you are (though not exactly), and all I know is that you'll never be happy if you just try to be what others want/need you to be. In this case, you won't be happy if you just try to learn Spanish and act like a Hispanic person because of your looks.

Since people will make assumptions about you based on your skin color, you need to find some way of counteracting that. Send a message about yourself that overrides those assumptions. Think consciously about the kind of image you're presenting when you wear a certain outfit, speak in a certain way, or talk about certain interests.

Now, what sort of people do you want to hang out with? How do they tend to act, dress, talk? What are they interested in? Start trying to behave the way they do, get interested in the things they like and talk about them. 

Fundamentally, people are primates. Primates express their affinity for other primates by mimicking or "aping" their behavior. Imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery, and I assure you it does not go unnoticed.

You can't change your skin color, but you can change your style and attitude, and thus how other people perceive you. If you find a group of people to which you want to belong, and you act like you belong among them, then usually they'll start to treat you like you belong among them.

Basically, emulate the sort of people you want to hang out with, and you'll attract those kind of people.

There will always be a few people who judge you solely for your skin color, but a LOT of them will start to see past it when you give them something else to pay attention to, like clothes, hair, posture, etc. There are subcultures and groups defined on the basis of things other than race, you just have to find and join them.

Does that make sense?


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

I'm in a similar situation, as someone who has family with deep roots in the American Southwest, in a town that has always attracted immigrants from Mexico - feeling neither one or the other for most my life. Eventually, I stopped caring, and did my own thing, hopping from subculture to subculture, feeling more "worldly" and connected to others in general, regardless of superficial traits like race, ethnicity, or nationality. Among my family and friends, I'm one of the "weird ones", who has strange interests, always bringing up something novel, and opening eyes to subjects others wouldn't otherwise pay attention to.

So there are advantages to feeling out of place, or more properly, not strongly associated with any one group of people, especially when visiting distant relatives and failing to pick up on the social customs. For one, you're less "tethered" and feel no need to fit in or put on an act. Start with feeling comfortable yourself, and worry about being accepted later. Obviously, I can't offer much advice on the whole AA subculture, aside from having a brother who is heavily into "gangsta rap" and a few half black cousins, but I will say that mentality exists here as well. It's BS. 

In other words, stop acting and start living.


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## Hurricane Matthew (Nov 9, 2012)

I agree with @SugarForBreakfast that your environment is probably not helping in this situation. I am a mixed race of 4+ different things and people have confused me for being races that I'm not, but I've never been treated badly for any of it and I've always lived in mixed neighborhoods. I don't think it has ever affected my friendships or rivalries with others, either. Your profile says you're from NYC which, even though I've never been there, has the reputation/stereotype of being a stuck up and jerkish city. Those other people in your life are profiling you based on an arbitrary thing ((race/skin color)) so imo, they aren't worth being around anyway. Who would want to be friends with people like that? Do yourself a favor and don't conform to them. Be yourself. 

Also, your race is not your identity and doesn't define you. It's only a very small detail of your identity that shouldn't matter so much and whenever people do make it matter, whether it's on a small scale or in the large scale of history, only bad things happen. A lot of problems would be solved if humanity would stop thinking about race and obsessing over it so much.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

Kazoo said:


> Am I suppose to like just pick a race and start acting like that?


No, unless you are trying to survive in a state prison.


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## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

Promethea said:


> Act how you feel is natural, and once you're comfortable in your own skin, you will find people who accept you as you are.
> 
> The people who try to create issues with you are acting out of _fear_ and _ignorance_, and they will only hold back your own personal growth. Shed them, don't lower yourself for them.


^This. 

Don't let yourself get bogged down in belonging to a particular race/ethnicity group. When you find like-minded people / people who share your interests, that'll often just organically become your group. 

I've grown up for chunks of my life in 3 different states. I suck at identifying with the cultures of an area; I don't mean that in a self-deprecating way - it's just a result of my never having lived long enough in one state during a significant developmental period of my life. I haven't spent enough time in one area to truly feel like it's my home. 

So for some years, my online "guild" in a video game I played was like a home. They were the group that I identified with - the lost souls who, like me, found themselves spending hours in an online medium to get away from life and relax with other people. It wasn't something I planned that way. It just sort of happened. And the interesting thing is that I found the first of these people in a game that I was drawn to out of pure love for the game itself. 

Just take that Field of Dreams quote and imagine that "it" is your passions. "If you build it, they will come."


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