# Unwanted Suicidal Thoughts!!!



## LFCDan89 (Mar 17, 2013)

I desperately need advice or some answers please!
For the last 6/7 months I've been having suicidal thoughts at least once every day. I don't know when, why or where they stemmed from.
I'm 23 years old, I have the most amazing woman in my life, an adorable son (14 months), 3 beautiful step-daughters (9, 7 & 5yrs) & another little girl due in 7 weeks.
I have a well paid job working in a food factory doing 12 hour shifts 4 days on 4 days off (which I'm progressing in towards management level). My life is perfect & I'm extremely happy with the way things have gone for me. I've always had a happy life right from when I was a kid growing up with my parents, brothers & sisters.

So I don't understand why I keep having suicidal thoughts?!? to my knowledge I'm not or have never been depressed.
I don't feel suicidal, I'm happy. 
I just can't shake these horrible images of killing myself. When they first came on I thought nothing of them & just assumed that evryone gets them at some point. But now they're getting too much for me & I can't get rid of them. I've tried blocking them & thinking about other stuff but if anything that makes it worse. I keep myself busy alot but as soon as I try to relax or have some time to myself then the suicidal shit comes back into my head. I hate the thought of killing myself. I don't wanna lose my life I love it!
I spoke to my partner about it about a month ago but we haven't mentioned it since...
I also told my brother & uncle about my thoughts on a drunken night out but again none of us have mentioned it since...
I don't wanna tell evrybody around me in my life & sound like or come across as an attention seeker because it is far from that!

Please can someone give me some advice on what to do?!? At times I feel like breaking down because of it & I'm worried that its gonna get worse...


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

Are there other thoughts that you think that you don't want to think? Any other preoccupations? Do you repeat any certain phrases or actions that cause distress, but also bring about an odd sense of relief?


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## LFCDan89 (Mar 17, 2013)

No there's nothing else I can think of that causes distress or anything I do or say that triggers me to think about these sort of things. ...are there any successful methods of blocking or reducing bad thoughts?!? Could it be a condition? My mother suffers with depression & has attempted suicide a few times in her life! Is that something that can be passed on to your kids?!?


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## LittleOrange (Feb 11, 2012)

Yes, I think tendency for depression can be genetical. Also, are you sure you are happy with your life? Maybe you aren´t happy and you keep telling yourself that you´re happy to feel better? Are you under a lot of stress? Maybe you should talk to a therapist about it...


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## EbonyTigger (Apr 13, 2012)

It's best to seek out a professional's help to beat the suicidal thoughts rather than trying to cope by yourself *hugs*


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## aus2020 (Jun 29, 2011)

Aside from the most obvious causes of depression, there have been so many thoughts about what else can cause depression, such as: head trauma, vitamin d deficiency, nutritional issues, weight gain, emotional stresses and immune system impairments. A professional should be able to determine what the primary causative factor is, via process of elimination.


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## LFCDan89 (Mar 17, 2013)

Thanks for all the replies guys...I'm going to book an appointment with my GP and see what they say.Just for some clarification, this isn't normal is it?!?


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## EbonyTigger (Apr 13, 2012)

LFCDan89 said:


> Thanks for all the replies guys...I'm going to book an appointment with my GP and see what they say.Just for some clarification, this isn't normal is it?!?


Nope it's not normal so it's good to seek professional help *hugs*

If you need to talk privately to anyone you can message me any time *tightly hugs you*


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## Tristan427 (Dec 9, 2011)

LFCDan89 said:


> Thanks for all the replies guys...I'm going to book an appointment with my GP and see what they say.Just for some clarification, this isn't normal is it?!?


Depends on your definition of normal, your culture, and the region of the world in which your currently live. Plenty of other factors too.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

I have depression as well and can have from time to time suicidal thoughts and uncontrollable crying at night. It really sucks.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

LFCDan89 said:


> I desperately need advice or some answers please!
> For the last 6/7 months I've been having suicidal thoughts at least once every day. I don't know when, why or where they stemmed from.
> I'm 23 years old, I have the most amazing woman in my life, an adorable son (14 months), 3 beautiful step-daughters (9, 7 & 5yrs) & another little girl due in 7 weeks.
> I have a well paid job working in a food factory doing 12 hour shifts 4 days on 4 days off (which I'm progressing in towards management level). My life is perfect & I'm extremely happy with the way things have gone for me. I've always had a happy life right from when I was a kid growing up with my parents, brothers & sisters.
> ...


This is one of the more odder pleas I've heard.

Are you saying that you imagine ways of killing yourself, but as you imagine the scene, you don't actually want to? You are afraid of these images, and you are repulsed by them? You don't feel eager, or _want _to do the deed?

Or are you saying that you're thinking of killing yourself, and you want to when you think of it?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounded like the first one, and if so, then you probably don't have anything to worry about.

It's just fantasy, right? You would never intentionally do harm to yourself, so that's fine.

I've had lots of those thoughts. Washing the dishes, along comes the chef knife, and there I stand, wondering idly what it would be like if I stabbed myself, thinking about what people would say, and how it would play out, and if I'd be rushed to the hospital, or my life blood would drain into the ground and I'd die, and then I wondered what it would be like to die.

Things like that.

I think the legitimate concern comes when you have suicidal thoughts and really want to die. So I will address that concern now, if it is the case.

If you really _want _to die when you have these thoughts, then the only one to answer _why, _would be _you. _

You said yourself that your life is great, you're happy with family and your job. So, is there anything that spur these thoughts on when they happen? 

What do you feel when they happen?

Have you ever felt like that before? 

If so, where and when?


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

That sounds more like OCD than depression to me.

Are you on any medications?


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Obsessive compulsive disorder causes intrusive unwanted thoughts.

Are you really happy? Do you feel overwhelmed? This could seem like a subconscious escape if you feel overwhelmed.

But it could be OCD. People with real OCD may have intrusive thoughts of being harmed, of freak accidents, of dropping or smothering their baby, and I guess suicide, because I have never heard of suicidal thoughts this way in a happy well adjusted adult, so it sounds like OCD.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

LFCDan89 said:


> Please can someone give me some advice on what to do?!? At times I feel like breaking down because of it & I'm worried that its gonna get worse...


Hi, I'll just be blunt about it.

These thoughts aren't your own. If you had a legitimate source to trace these thoughts to, then they could be... but you're saying that's not the case.

Spirits can give us thoughts that are not our own. That is what is happening with you.

What you do is recognize these thoughts are not yours and rebuke them.

It will also help if you accept Christ and use that authority, but just recognizing that these thoughts are not yours can do a lot.


If you have any questions, let me know.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Razare said:


> Spirits can give us thoughts that are not our own. That is what is happening with you.
> 
> What you do is recognize these thoughts are not yours and rebuke them.


'Spirits' of the past, as in lessons or life scripts (narratives) inherited from elders through stories or shared experiences?


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

StElmosDream said:


> 'Spirits' of the past, as in lessons or life scripts (narratives) inherited from elders through stories or shared experiences?


Familiar spirits. They're not good, nor are they part of who we are.

Like people who play with ouija boards, who sometimes have bad things then subsequently happen to them. I know people who had their house burn down after they screwed with one. Personally, I got lucky and nothing bad happened to me when I was a kid.

Anyway, that's what I'm talking about.


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## VeraH (Mar 27, 2013)

LFCDan89 said:


> I'm going to book an appointment with my GP and see what they say.Just for some clarification, this isn't normal is it?!?


A lot of times, I've found that doctors are drug-pushers. Some periods I really need them but most of the time don't. It's good for a quicker fix but I've found that talking out things, if you can afford it, is a lot more helpful in the long-run in my personal experience.

We are aware of conscious thoughts, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. 

Suicidal ideation is somewhat telling that there's something beneath the surface. It could be biological as well, as in chemical imbalance. 

Please hang in there, buddy  It'll be figured in due course. 

Not sure about normal, but it's not that uncommon. 

P.S. don't fight against it or brush it off, just keep marching on. When those thoughts pop up, acknowledge that you're having them but that it's okay, you'll get through it. In fact, you're taking steps to investigate.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

@LFCDan89, thank you for seeking help! That's the first step to getting better. We have an extensive thread on successfully fighting depression as well as stresses and anxiety, please visit it, we have heaps of good advice that is very practical: http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/144731-tips-fighting-depression.html

There is also the Suicide hotline thread, as with a quick call you can speak to people who know how to help you think more positively: http://personalitycafe.com/advice-center/119268-if-you-having-suicidal-thoughts.html

It's not as unusual as you might think to have suicidal thoughts, and because it's so surprisingly common, we have lots of ways of dealing with it. Whatever you do, don't give up!

As mentioned above, OCD can have such effects as this, but OCD is caused by extended anxiety, especially during childhood. Have you considered the possibility of blocked memories? Sometimes when we experience something horrible our mind tries to forget it for us, but we are still effected by this.

Hang in there. *hugs*


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## William I am (May 20, 2011)

I used to, especially the year I turned 20. I tried a lot of things, but eventually what helped was 1 year of antidepressants, 18 months of counseling/therapy, and most importantly, treating the underlying medical cause (low testosterone) that was causing it all.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

Holy, in a few weeks you gonna have an additional one, so five kids all together and you only 23?! You say your job pays well but I'm not sure how you can afford to take care of your family. There are people who already made manager and have less kids but are still struggling. So you sure you not worried about finances?


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