# Why are bad boys attractive?



## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Genuinely curious. Never considered myself a bad boy so I'm wondering what qualities are attractive in them and could those same qualities still be found in a non bad boy and be attractive?


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

They usually attract more broken types. People still confuse 'bad' with other traits that are actually positive, like not being a total sensitive 90's man simp. When I think of a bad boy I think of some guy who got hit a lot when he was a kid and goes to prison for second degree murder. Don't you?


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Genuinely curious. Never considered myself a bad boy so I'm wondering what qualities are attractive in them and could those same qualities still be found in a non bad boy and be attractive?


Define bad - 
I'm attracted to crude /satire humor , street smart , witty , rebellious ( for the right reason),care free , calculated risk takers who compels my mind and excites me 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

I think it's mostly the confidence and independence that makes them attractive.

Also, the ones that attract women tend to be good looking. There are fat, ugly, bad boys. But they don't get any attention.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

Confidence, assertivity, creativity, daringness.

Aside of that IMO it's a can full of worms.


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## orihara (Nov 23, 2014)

saviour complex, wanting to be the exception. it's all fun and games until they realise they aren't, or if the bad boy isn't as bad as he seemed. either way boys suck


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## Diophantine (Nov 24, 2011)

AriesLilith said:


> Confidence, assertivity, creativity, daringness.
> 
> Aside of that IMO it's a can full of worms.


Both of those statements are 100% on-point. As coming from someone who continuously friendzoned nice guys and is liking a self-proclaimed "bad-boy".  Honestly, the confidence and independence and risk-taking as a way of life is such a turn on. I think the self-assurance also allows them to introspect more and *very* actively work on self-improvement, which is super attractive. 

The crazy things they do does sometimes border on sociopathic, though, so that's a can of worms.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Genuinely curious. Never considered myself a bad boy so I'm wondering what qualities are attractive in them and could those same qualities still be found in a non bad boy and be attractive?


;headshake 

Bad Boys™ radiate no sense of proper judgment / smart capacity - surely, they are not attractive to the slightest for women like me. I remember watching boys with this such 'behavior' - and couldn't wrap my head around the _stupidity_. I didn't see assertiveness or confidence - just foolishness. If I was interested, it wasn't because they were attractive, I was more so interested in analyzing or studying their psychological make up to understand what impels someone to behave such a way. Many of them seem to have mental disorders. (i.e ADHD - Bipolar).

But might I add, if I was ever attracted to a 'bad boy' - I would not call it *genuine* attraction, but rather a lack of developmental capacity I was suffering from (e.g immaturity - inexperience - naïveté) rather than making active decisions on rationality. 

We were all _airheads_ (e.g children) once - some women, however, just *remain* that way. (i.e ... making the same mistake more than once).

Anyways, by non-bad boys, I assume you mean _everyone_ with lack of behavioral / extreme psychological malfunctions? (i.e .. _normal_ people) ENTJ men for an example. I could give you a list.  Let me add that, ''*nerds*'' or Nice Guys™ are not automatic 'non'-bad boys, but ''nerds'' or socially - emotionally inept men are unattractive for their own reasons unrelated to the opposite 'behavioral' problems of Bad Boys™.

Disclaimer: For the sake of normal women - please don't go changing yourself into a *fool* - but rather, work on improving other aspects of persona. (e.g confidence).


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

I like the idea of a challenge - it makes the rewards so much more enjoyable. Sometimes you want or need a bit of unpredictability and danger in your life. Then you have the whole confidence, leadership traits, which is always nice, but not something I'd like every day. 

Fine for messing around with, but a long-term relationship? That would require more balance and maturity.


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## Flamme et Citron (Aug 26, 2015)

Are they attractive though? Maybe if you're a 15 year old girl.


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## deviantcode (Mar 3, 2015)

Catwalk said:


> ;headshake
> 
> Bad Boys™ radiate no sense of proper judgment / smart capacity - surely, they are not attractive to the slightest for women like me. I remember watching boys with this such 'behavior' - and couldn't wrap my head around the _stupidity_. I didn't see assertiveness or confidence - just foolishness. If I was interested, it wasn't because they were attractive, I was more so interested in analyzing or studying their psychological make up to understand what impels someone to behave such a way. Many of them seem to have mental disorders. (i.e ADHD - Bipolar).
> 
> ...


dang you're such an INTJ.


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

Because the "anti alpha" is frequently confused as being the alpha in the minds of non astute women.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

deviantcode said:


> dang you're such an INTJ.


:laughing: Not sure if this good or bad. But OK, I'll take it.


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## deviantcode (Mar 3, 2015)

Catwalk said:


> :laughing: Not sure if this good or bad. But OK, I'll take it.


It's good. But you seem to be the epitome of it when it comes to this subject, I know another INTJ and you reminded me of her in the way that she also finds it interesting to pick apart someone that makes no sense to see what causes them to be their foolish ways.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

TRUE "bad boys" have false bravado. They have masculinity issues, control issues, anger issues, and issues with authority. These types attracts partners who are needy, weak and insecure.

QUALITIES of "bad boy types" that people find attractive are confidence, competence, ambition, and leadership. 

It is easy to mistaken these attractive qualities in real "bad boys", and then you get a shit relationship where people wonder why they're in the mess they're in.

Bad boys are not attractive to me, but neither are "nice guys".


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## Debater Girl (Oct 27, 2015)

It depends on what being a 'bad boy' implies. But i'll take a wild guess that being 'bad' typically means that you're a risky person e.g. you don't follow the rules and you don't want to be seen as boring. Many 'bad boys' can be very charismatic, attractive and etc. I think the risk is what attracts a lot of women. It's the idea what perhaps I can be the soft spot for this guy and etc. The feeling of wanting to be special is what drives a lot of people to pursue a relationship. I believe these qualities can be found in non bad boys as well. Unpredictability, risky, charming, confident can all be found in a non bad boy. But ultimately, you want to find a person who likes you for you. If you are constantly trying to modify the way you act just so that you can attract a person probably means the person isn't going to stick around when they find out you aren't actually like that.


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## VacantPsalm (Dec 22, 2014)

Random thought. If culture taught everyone that I was a pretty princess and a delicate flower, I would probably want to look into being soul mates with the dude who says "fuck you, you fart and I know it. But I don't give a shit, so whatever." I wouldn't care that it might be a bad idea; I need someone who knows I am me, and that guy appears to be a better candidate than the guys who treat me like a pretty princess and a delicate flower.


But, that's just a random thought. The real answer is every girl is different, every guy is different, and everyone has a different definition of what a "bad boy" is. So what kind of answer are you really looking for? The only way to get a solid answer is to liquidate everything involved down to assumptions. And if we're talking about attracting someone you want to date, dissolving them down to assumptions is probably not a good idea, IMHO.


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

When people say "Bad boy" in this context I think " tiny penis/huge insecurity."


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Bad boys are Posers impersonating un-emasculated, non-pussified men.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

deviantcode said:


> It's good. But you seem to be the epitome of it when it comes to this subject, I know another INTJ and you reminded me of her in the way that she also finds it interesting to pick apart someone that makes no sense to see what causes them to be their foolish ways.


I guess - the whole 'women like Bad Boys™' thing is completely *annoying* - to be honest. I didn't find ''Bad Boys™'' and still do not find ''Bad Boys™'' attractive.

I thought something is _wrong_ with them mentally - boys with 'behavioral' problems I assumed had ADHD or other mental issues. o__O

I would observe them and go... ''Lol.. _Idiot_. What's his prollem'?''. 

As for self-proclaimed Nice Guys™ I do believe they issues as well - I'm sorry, but 'normal' men do not behave in either of the ways in which Nice Guys™ or Bad Boys™ do.

Sorry to be harsh - I just think they have fetishes with folly.


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## GMBTI (Oct 25, 2015)

No effort on the girls part. They effectively just do what they want with out like asking or something strange.

Edit: I just realized how that came off. I am not talking about un-consensual intimacy at all. I meant they don't have to be prompted etc.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Women like bad boys because it give them a reason to exist and validate the fact that they can attract a somehow dangerous figure for a relationship. The challenge of taming the wild. The middle finger to the wisdom when it come down to relationship. It's a way to escape the parental guidance, the view given by movies or even the society's norms.

It's all very subconscious. It's a way to be daring, since it's what the man actually represent. It's the combination of flame and flame. Except that most of the bad boys actually do have some deep settled issues often tied to the fact that they do not want to get help.

Nice bad boys exist tho. They aren't nice guys, and they don't have issues. They re just people with a lot to unfold under the sugar coating made out of different kinds of tough. Now, do what you please. But don't cry if the dude give you the D and call ya bitch after, right ?


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Catwalk said:


> I guess - the whole 'women like Bad Boys™' thing is completely *annoying* - to be honest. I didn't find ''Bad Boys™'' and still do not find ''Bad Boys™'' attractive.
> 
> I thought something is _wrong_ with them mentally - boys with 'behavioral' problems I assumed had ADHD or other mental issues. o__O
> 
> ...


I was so certain that you would profess to an intense, visceral craving for them and was pleasantly surprised to see an opinion laced with factual information. As many of those domineering types do exhibit traits of severe mental illnesses, as from the ASPD spectrum. Very nice.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Metasentient said:


> I was so certain that you would profess to an intense, visceral craving for them and was pleasantly surprised to see an opinion laced with factual information. As many of those domineering types do exhibit traits of severe mental illnesses, as from the ASPD spectrum. Very nice.


u__U I do confess upon some circumstances my factual side has shut-down once to engage in pleasant, shallow dates with excessively tall men with no interesting intellectual capacity. Oh god, I'm human after all.

I do not exaggerate when I say, this guy was dumber than a sac of potatoes _however_, was around 6'3 in height which made up for it sufficiently. U_u But no way he was a Bad Boy™.


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Catwalk said:


> u__U I do confess upon some circumstances my factual side has shut-down once to engage in pleasant, shallow dates with excessively tall men with no interesting intellectual capacity. Oh god, I'm human after all.
> 
> I do not exaggerate when I say, this guy was dumber than a sac of potatoes _however_, was around 6'3 in height which made up for it sufficiently. U_u But no way he was a Bad Boy™.


I've never understood this "tall guy" thing. What's so great about tall guys?


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Catwalk said:


> ;headshake
> 
> Bad Boys™ radiate no sense of proper judgment / smart capacity - surely, they are not attractive to the slightest for women like me. I remember watching boys with this such 'behavior' - and couldn't wrap my head around the _stupidity_. I didn't see assertiveness or confidence - just foolishness. If I was interested, it wasn't because they were attractive, I was more so interested in analyzing or studying their psychological make up to understand what impels someone to behave such a way. Many of them seem to have mental disorders. (i.e ADHD - Bipolar).
> 
> ...





deviantcode said:


> dang you're such an INTJ.


:laughing: I enjoyed reading her post. 

People are attracted to rebellion and novelty. I think more so for some people than others, or if they become super-bored or depressed with their lives. Then meeting someone rebellious seems like liberation.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

BlackDog said:


> I've never understood this "tall guy" thing. What's so great about tall guys?


Dunno.  I like to stuff my face in their chest and sniff their scent.. Perhaps that is a bit creepy.  It's such a wonderful feeling. Dumber than a sac of potatoes but when he wrapped his strong long arms around me and the crease of his chest muscles hardened against my face at the motion -, phew. Anyways, I do not have a strict policy with height; I have dated a 5'6 guy with a nice muscles, I feel anything can substitute for where someone lacks, it would suffice. u__u; 

But, it would appear some women have an actual height fetish - o__O Not sure what that's about.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

ninjahitsawall said:


> :laughing: I enjoyed reading her post.
> 
> People are attracted to rebellion and novelty. I think more so for some people than others, or if they become super-bored or depressed with their lives. Then meeting someone rebellious seems like liberation.


Yeah, I have far too much anxiety to do anything rebellious or hang with rebellious individuals anyways - anxiety + my personality is a social risk-taking / Bad Boy cripple. I'm afraid I'm wasting my ''youth'' in this regard. o__O


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## SevSevens (Aug 5, 2015)

This sounds like a Question Lana Del Ray, all of her songs are about.


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## deviantcode (Mar 3, 2015)

Catwalk said:


> Yeah, I have far too much anxiety to do anything rebellious or hang with rebellious individuals anyways - anxiety + my personality is a social risk-taking / Bad Boy cripple. I'm afraid I'm wasting my ''youth'' in this regard. o__O



Is anxiety an INTJ thing> again another similarity with my friend. Also all this talk about "bad boy" what even constitutes being "bad" I think in some cases even non conventional comes across as "bad" in that cause, I don't think it's fair for some of us non conventional types.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

BlackDog said:


> I've never understood this "tall guy" thing. What's so great about tall guys?


You don't need to kneel too much


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Sygma said:


> You don't need to kneel too much


I'm like 5'10. Unless he's pushing ten feet, I don't think it's making much of a difference. 

... I love your avatar though. I wanna go watch Chamber of Secrets now.


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## mhysa (Nov 27, 2014)

Flamme et Citron said:


> Are they attractive though? Maybe if you're a 15 year old girl.


nailed it. as a young teenage girl i used to gravitate towards "bad boys" (and by that i mean actual bad people who did bad crime things), then i grew up.


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## Purple Skies (Aug 31, 2015)

I've never found them attractive personally. I've always had a thing for gentle guys.

The girls who do like them see it as another one of their projects. They believe they can change him into a good guy and it usually doesn't work.


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Catwalk said:


> Yeah, I have far too much anxiety to do anything rebellious or hang with rebellious individuals anyways - anxiety + my personality is a social risk-taking / Bad Boy cripple. I'm afraid I'm wasting my ''youth'' in this regard. o__O


Yep, same. I'm sure the women who like 'bad boys' think I'm boring as hell. lol. 
One of my ENTP friends called me a curmudgeon once. I was like, "I think of it more as 'wisdom of old age'" :laughing:



deviantcode said:


> Is anxiety an INTJ thing> again another similarity with my friend. Also all this talk about "bad boy" what even constitutes being "bad" I think in some cases even non conventional comes across as "bad" in that cause, I don't think it's fair for some of us non conventional types.


Yes probably so. Well, more a Te thing. I've struggled with anxiety too.

I think 'bad' is more about being unpredictable, and moral ambiguity, than being unconventional. But that's just me.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

ninjahitsawall said:


> Yep, same. I'm sure the women who like 'bad boys' think I'm boring as hell. lol.
> One of my ENTP friends called me a curmudgeon once. I was like, "I think of it more as 'wisdom of old age'" :laughing:


I was and _still_ am the most ''boring'' in the group. I remember I went on this little trip with 2 friends, they were singing a long in the car and I was _awkwardly_ positioned in the back between them. It was so awkward.. I am always the ''stick'' ... I have no idea how to break such a pattern. :dry: I do not think I am even such a boring person, however when you're paired with the 'lively' alternatives it seems that way.





> Yes probably so. Well, more a Te thing. I've struggled with anxiety too.
> 
> I think 'bad' is more about being unpredictable, and moral ambiguity, than being unconventional. But that's just me.



Ahh, yes. Unpredictable - ambiguous situations - I am far away. I just picture myself in the passenger seat with a 'bad boy' popping a Xanax the whole way. LOL. I cannot describe how *uncomfortable* I would be in such a circumstance. :laughing:


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## ninjahitsawall (Feb 1, 2013)

Catwalk said:


> I was and _still_ am the most ''boring'' in the group. I remember I went on this little trip with 2 friends, they were singing a long in the car and I was _awkwardly_ positioned in the back between them. It was so awkward.. I am always the ''stick'' ... I have no idea how to break such a pattern. :dry: I do not think I am even such a boring person, however when you're paired with the 'lively' alternatives it seems that way.


Yeah, I've been told I'm not fun more than once (well, more like heard it through others. No one likes to tell me directly. :dry




> Ahh, yes. Unpredictable - ambiguous situations - I am far away. I just picture myself in the passenger seat with a 'bad boy' popping a Xanax the whole way. LOL. I cannot describe how *uncomfortable* I would be in such a circumstance. :laughing:


I'd be like, "pleeeease if you're gonna make me be a part of this situation, at least let me be the driver.."


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## Monty (Jul 12, 2011)

bad boys are only attractive for the short term. with bad boys you get a rush at first but then you realize he's not that great because he starts to do stupid things all the time and you get tired of his antics


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## Killbain (Jan 5, 2012)

Cheveyo said:


> I think it's mostly the confidence and independence that makes them attractive.
> 
> *Also, the ones that attract women tend to be good looking.* *There are fat, ugly, bad boys. But they don't get any attention.*


Nailed it.


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## Bunny (Jul 11, 2015)

Maybe they're attractive to me because I'm a bad girl? :shrugs:


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

fuck bad boys. give me an innocent, English footman from Downton Abbey any day over that shit :laughing:


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

ninjahitsawall said:


> I'd be like, "pleeeease if you're gonna make me be a part of this situation, at least let me be the driver.."


HA. *This.* I don't let anyone drive if I go out with a friend. _No way_ - I don't even let others pick me up.. I just meet them so I know if something goes wrong, I can ditch the situation at any given time. Uh-uh.


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## Bugs (May 13, 2014)

Because I think there is an evolutionary attraction women have for men actually being masculine which is discouraged in our feminized societies in the West. Unfortunately, "bad boys" are a poor aberration of masculinity which negate their Beta qualities. A confident dude exudes masculinity but with a fair and protective instinct over the ones he loves.

In short, I'm a confident man, not a "bad boy."


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## Du Toit (Mar 2, 2014)

Bad demands less of the person that's attracted to them. In other term bad is "low-maintenance"; . Also when people are attracted to bad boys, they're in reality attracted to their idea of bad boys. They interpret literal behavior (piss-poor attitude for instance), to be cute or sexy– they look hot/cute/sexy so their behavior is interpreted through that light (halo effect). This is the same reason cat lovers love cat. If you think about it, there's nothing likable about a cat's behavior.


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## Mair (Feb 17, 2014)

Because they tend to be confident and cocky. A lot of women find these characteristics attractive.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> fuck bad boys. give me an innocent, English footman from Downton Abbey any day over that shit :laughing:


Well, duh! *You're* the bad boy, in those cases (two of the same cancel each other out)!


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Bugs said:


> Because I think there is an evolutionary attraction women have for men actually being masculine which is discouraged in our feminized societies in the West. Unfortunately, "bad boys" are a poor aberration of masculinity which negate their Beta qualities. A confident dude exudes masculinity but with a fair and protective instinct over the ones he loves.
> 
> In short, I'm a confident man, not a "bad boy."


this. there is a reason it's called a bad _boy_ and not a bad man.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

I like to think the typical 'bad boy' ideal is similar to the 'sexy babe' ideal.

Sure, it's great, but in reality it's often vacuous; an aesthetic pleasure that fades fast.

And any adult worth their salt knows this.


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

I thought about it for both sexes and with introspective came to this idea:

When someone is pure, innocent and perfect he/she inspires you to be more pure, innocent, chivalric/ladylike. This is attractive for people who have the same inclination and it's basically my experience. When I fall in love I see mortal incarnation of angel and this also becomes a mirror pointing at all my imperfections. This is however a challenge that makes us anxious, self-conscious and may be very frustrating for those who have not this inclination naturally. It might correlate with comparatively strong super-ego.

But a bad boy or girl on the other hand loosens moral imperatives - there is seductive presence of relaxing and giving in to your Id. This might correlate with strong but repressed Id yearning for relaxation. 
I think this is supported by Greene's Art of Seduction, where he claims that repressions of our dreams and needs make us susceptible to seduction. But in fact it allows for both variants I guess.

This is however not likely attractive for those with strong super-ego and comparatively weak Id as it would clash with imperatives of the stronger super-ego.

I might have it wrong or have gone too far in this idea, but i think there is something to it.


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## ZZZVader (Oct 1, 2015)

Define "bad". Cuz, we could be talking about a potential serial killer here :3 (if life was a cartoon, I wouldn't mind that, actually)

But in reality, I like them boys who speak their minds, not caring about what anyone thinks. They are the rebels, the people who see the flaw in the hierarchical system, the people who love the freedom to do anything they want and enjoy life as it comes.

I guess, it depends on who you are too. The type of man I'd enjoy is strong where some of my weaknesses are, but have a tad bit in common with me. I'm an introverted feeler who needs plans and a constant stream of thought telling me what I'm about to do next. I'd be intrigued by someone who's quick-thinking, witty, uses thinking over feeling (to rationalize things), and more social and extroverted than me.

That, and I just love it when guys wear leather jackets and pants-chains. I don't know why ;-; it looks sooo cool:









And recently I've been intrigued by Satan (the baddest of the bad). I guess it's that damned Panic! at the Disco's new music video: 




and my inner atheist hating the religion I was born into. 

*Who fucking knows. lol*


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

*cracks knuckles* 

Here comes my harsh truth on why I prefer the bad boy... I'm a risk taker. I like tattoos. I like piercings. I like staying out late. I like to do things some might consider dangerous. I found that my conservative, straight and narrow husband didn't like any of these things. So I felt stifled. I lost myself for awhile. I hated my life. I grew resentful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the nice guy type, but for me I just don't mesh. I have always been considered a little wild once people get to know me.... So bad boy fits into my personality better. 

I can't explain it, but I'm instantly attracted to a guy with tattoos and piercings. I've got four tattoos myself, and I've used my body as a canvas for memories and reminders. And I'm nowhere near done with my tattoos.

I also like a guy that doesn't "play it safe." I like to bend the rules from time to time. For the most part, I can appear pretty boring...but every now and then the every day gets to me and I feel the need to be a little adventurous. The bad boy type shares the same idea of adventure as I do, it seems. Sometimes, the good guy/more conservative guy misses the mark. Not all, because I have met some guys that are into rock climbing and other stuff that I never would have suspected would be. 

Also.... The bad boys *ahem* have been better in bed in my experience. :redface-new:


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

"Bad boys" (like "bad girls") are phrases that will hopefully (sooner than later) be retired.


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## VacantPsalm (Dec 22, 2014)

ZZZVader said:


> ...I guess it's that damned Panic! at the Disco's new music video :
> * *


Can't deny it, that song is _damn_ fun.


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## chanteuse (May 30, 2014)

Bad boys seem to have more fun or be fun to be around. "Seem" is an operative word. Who knows if it's only poseur or to cover up manic depressive.

Women either don't have any fun in life or are addicted to excitement may feel the initial tingle upon meeting bad boys.


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## Mee2 (Jan 30, 2014)

We're _still_ talking about this?


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## ebae (Sep 21, 2015)

I have no idea why women like bad boys. Choosing a bad boy always seemed self destructive and unsustainable to me.

I totally understand why women do not date so called "nice guys" which is phrase that highlights how fucked up everyone is. Only "nice guys" feel good when they hear the phrase "nice guys finish last." Everyone likes nice people and would prefer to keep them around. Being nice can also gets you killed. 

You can't make a killing being nice.

Perhaps that is the appeal of bad boys they fuck with people and do not get fucked with. If I had to categorize males it would be
Sheep = "Nice guys"
Wolves = Bad Boys
Shepherds = Men

In my opinion, many women fail to see the difference between wolves and shepherds because they figure they're safe as long as they're with a killer. The problem is a bad boy will always hurt a girl/woman eventually.


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## with water (Aug 13, 2014)

Caricatures always seem to be attractive. It is only real people with real baggage that are turn offs.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

Korvyna said:


> *cracks knuckles*
> 
> Here comes my harsh truth on why I prefer the bad boy... I'm a risk taker. I like tattoos. I like piercings. I like staying out late. I like to do things some might consider dangerous. I found that my conservative, straight and narrow husband didn't like any of these things. So I felt stifled. I lost myself for awhile. I hated my life. I grew resentful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the nice guy type, but for me I just don't mesh. I have always been considered a little wild once people get to know me.... So bad boy fits into my personality better.
> 
> ...


yea this very nice guy, he is super into rock climbing xD


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## Diophantine (Nov 24, 2011)

Korvyna said:


> *cracks knuckles*
> 
> Here comes my harsh truth on why I prefer the bad boy... I'm a risk taker. I like tattoos. I like piercings. I like staying out late. I like to do things some might consider dangerous. I found that my conservative, straight and narrow husband didn't like any of these things. So I felt stifled. I lost myself for awhile. I hated my life. I grew resentful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the nice guy type, but for me I just don't mesh. I have always been considered a little wild once people get to know me.... So bad boy fits into my personality better.
> 
> ...


What a great post, haha. And the knuckle-cracking. I am not a fan of tattoos and piercings in general, but I agree with everything else you mentioned. Totally know what you are getting at with the "sense of adventure"... I usually create it myself, but the "bad boy" type seems like perfect partner in crime 



SilverFalcon said:


> I thought about it for both sexes and with introspective came to this idea:
> 
> *When someone is pure, innocent and perfect he/she inspires you to be more pure, innocent, chivalric/ladylike. *This is attractive for people who have the same inclination and it's basically my experience. When I fall in love I see mortal incarnation of angel and this also becomes a mirror pointing at all my imperfections. This is however a challenge that makes us anxious, self-conscious and may be very frustrating for those who have not this inclination naturally. It might correlate with comparatively strong super-ego.
> 
> ...


Wow, that is so on point. Definitely something to it, as the only real "bad boy" I have had experience with is all about "relaxation" and giving into carnal desires. However, he is brilliant, and the philosophy behind his behavior is more attractive and intriguing to me than the behavior itself. 

And I definitely see how it can be not attractive to the super ego...


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

(I write this quite snarkily, so Feminismz don't tar me)

*
The Pros/Perks of dating a bad boy:
*
he knows what he wants and what he wants is you
he doesn't place you on a pedestal and expect you to be a moral angel
he satisfies your sexual cravings without shame or prudery
he is not shy about getting his own sexual cravings met
he doesn't expect you to 'behave'
when you fail to 'behave' he doesn't tip toe around you, he goes for the juggular
he's not passive aggressive. he's just aggressive
he ignores your dad and disregards your mom
other guys don't fuck with him and as a result, don't fuck with you
lovemaking is rough, primal but deeply fulfills your psychological, animal need
he's comfortable bossing you around
he always knows where to go, what to do and has no problem directing heaven and earth to get what he wants
he might be a dick but if a world of assholes he's a reprieve from being bombarded 24/7
you never have to say 'yes.' he will always badger the sex out of you with or without consent 
you're his girl and nothing, not Hel or high water can sway his wavering devotion and obsession with you
he has a big dick
he will never break down and cry or whine or devolve into an emotional hot mess.

The bad boy briefly summed: HoneyBadger doesn't give no shits. 

*The Cons:*
he wants you. Good luck shaking him off.
he will badger the sex out of you, with or without consent
he's aggressive
when upset he might hit you. or stick a fork in your thigh
his obsession with you borders on possession
he bosses you around
in a world of assholes he's the only dick you worry about pissing off
when you fail to 'behave' he backhands you. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But he gets fucking pissed.
his only problem with your behavior is that you're not loyal enough (why DID you need to go hang out with your lady friends on his one night off, huh?)
he literally does not care about your parent's opinion of him. at all.
lovemaking is rough. there are no safe words or hard limits.
he will get off on you, one way or another
good luck breaking up with him if you ever decide you've had enough
he has a big dick
he has two emotions: rage and lust. Otherwise all other feelings are the size of an underdeveloped pea*.

The Pros of dating a Good Guy:*
-his adoration is like a rainbow and waiting at the other end there is an orgasmic pot of gold
-he writes you poetry. He buys you flowers
-he doesn't get mad at you or yell. 
-he will never pressure you for sex, even after the fifth date
-he's almost completely satisfied just basking in the gentle glow of your eyes
-he talks about his emotions with you
-he will bend over backwards to please your family
-you are his angel
-he would never cheat on you. ever.
-he has a good job. and if he doesn't have one he will get one just to buy you chocolates
-he always wants your input, whether in the bedroom, on choosing a date or picking a movie
-he gets along with your friends
-he hates arguing with you
-He will never use his penis for harm
-Suspicion of your fidelity and thoughts of jealousy never enter his mind
-He's always asking you how you feel and checking in with you, especially during sex
-he is honest about his insecurities
-he doesn't get into bar brawls. He's an impeccable gentleman

*Cons of dating a Good Guy:*
-his adoration is like a rainbow and you just want to orgasm already
-poetry and flowers are nice. orgasms are better
-he doesn't get mad or yell. he's passive aggressive
-he never pressures you to have sex so you have to be the initiator and look like the horn dog
-he's basking in the gentle glow of your eyes and you're thinking "Make a move already before my eggs drop!"
-he talks about his emotions to you. You thought this would be cool until you realized you actually had to listen and care.
-he's a sucker for your mom's manipulations and he panders to your dad. 
-you are only an angel to him. God forbid you show up in nekkid in a little diablo outfit and crush his glowing ideal of you
-he never thinks about other women and is disturbed when you find other men attractive
-sometimes you wish he would be a man and just make a decision already instead of asking for your input. Geezuz.
-he doesn't argue with you. ever. Which means that everything just gets swept under a massive guilt rug. 
-Dick size not guaranteed 
-he is not possessive of you. You will wish he would mark you as his territory. 
-you want him to stop checking in with your emotions and just ream you already!
-you know all his weaknesses because he talks about them
-you're not sure that if he had to get into a fight he would. 
-he's always a bit shocked when you express your sexual appetite 


...



Personally I prefer a mix of the two. I call the Ideal guy a "Rude Boy." A little bit of the bad and a lot of the good. Fortunately there's a thing called 'testosterone' which makes most guys a little untoward and uncouth and deliciously rude... even when they're trying to be gents


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

deviantcode said:


> Is anxiety an INTJ thing> again another similarity with my friend. Also all this talk about "bad boy" what even constitutes being "bad" I think in some cases even non conventional comes across as "bad" in that cause, I don't think it's fair for some of us non conventional types.


Depends on what you consider anxiety. 

INTJs live more in the future than in the now or the past. That means that we consistently create scenarios in our minds to try to imagine the most likely outcome of the future. It is subconscious/automatic (I guess this is part of Ni).
To some, maybe this comes across as "worrying", but most of the time it is not, it is calculations and risk assessment. 

We are pretty torn in general too, when it comes to personal relationships. 

And we can get stuck in the Ni-Fi loop, which is not a good thing and I'd say actually IS anxiety.

Plus when our Fi kicks in (relatively late in life), we can freak out as well. Usually guilt & vulnerability related.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

ebae said:


> I think it is your experience and acceptance of reality. It's difficult for me to explain. I guess you have the same appeal married men have to single women.


Hmmm? Thanks?

XD


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## Tucken (Dec 13, 2009)

were simply the best. better than all the rest. better than anyone, anyone you ever met.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Cesspool said:


> So, like, the average male?


If an average guy or any type of guy of that matter carries those traits and connects with me then yeah I'll be attracted to that 


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

Cagnazzo said:


> I wish the term 'bad boy' would be renamed then. It makes it confusing for real bad boys like me, who have the good guy image with coal-ish, black innards. :angry:


Oooh.... Yeah, that does get confusing. I think you guys end up labeled as jerks, unfortunately. :frustrating:


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## deviantcode (Mar 3, 2015)

Swede said:


> Depends on what you consider anxiety.
> 
> INTJs live more in the future than in the now or the past. That means that we consistently create scenarios in our minds to try to imagine the most likely outcome of the future. It is subconscious/automatic (I guess this is part of Ni).
> To some, maybe this comes across as "worrying", but most of the time it is not, it is calculations and risk assessment.
> ...


Thanks for the reply, this does sound familiar, specially that loop. Frustrating when trying to help an INTJ in that loop.


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## deviantcode (Mar 3, 2015)

Swede said:


> Depends on what you consider anxiety.
> 
> INTJs live more in the future than in the now or the past. That means that we consistently create scenarios in our minds to try to imagine the most likely outcome of the future. It is subconscious/automatic (I guess this is part of Ni).
> To some, maybe this comes across as "worrying", but most of the time it is not, it is calculations and risk assessment.
> ...


Thanks for the reply, this does sound familiar, specially that loop. Frustrating when trying to help an INTJ in that loop.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

deviantcode said:


> Thanks for the reply, this does sound familiar, specially that loop. Frustrating when trying to help an INTJ in that loop.


Try to get the INTJ in questions to step back and use the Te - that is usually the way to go.

(Sorry about the derail, OP. I'll be good now. )


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## Mee2 (Jan 30, 2014)

ebae said:


> 1) You will have to learn how tell the difference on your own then. I hope you will figure out before it is too late.
> 2) No one thinks women are inherently primal or control who women follow and have children with. Any man that does is just trying to manipulate you so he can be the one fucking you instead. What people do believe is that some women have a terrible judge of character.
> 3) Most men find the men that stay with women based solely on their body to be idiots. You have no idea how much our penis controls the decisions we make on an hourly basis. Most men just want to fuck them. Does that sound terrible?


Pretty sure I'm male.


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

sweetraglansweater said:


> *Cons of dating a Good Guy:*


How to fix:



sweetraglansweater said:


> -his adoration is like a rainbow and you just want to orgasm already
> -poetry and flowers are nice. orgasms are better
> -he's basking in the gentle glow of your eyes and you're thinking "Make a move already before my eggs drop!"
> -he never pressures you to have sex so you have to be the initiator and look like the horn dog


He builds anticipation - delayed gratification for both. Play along and tempt him, should be worth it. At one time his face will turn red, then just invite him.



sweetraglansweater said:


> -he talks about his emotions to you. You thought this would be cool until you realized you actually had to listen and care.
> -you know all his weaknesses because he talks about them


Find a one who is introverted thinker. He will never overflow you with emotional talks or talk about his weaknesses unsolicited.



sweetraglansweater said:


> -you are only an angel to him. God forbid you show up in nekkid in a little diablo outfit and crush his glowing ideal of you


Make it role playing game. Knowing a mind of one I think that making it a game both agree to play one can overcome certain moral/mental blocks because it is just a game. It is expected to go further than one would otherwise dare and it can be stopped it it becomes unpleasant.



sweetraglansweater said:


> -he never thinks about other women and is disturbed when you find other men attractive


He never thinks about f$%king them, though be sure he would find other women attractive as well. He might be chivalric towards them as well and expect you not to get jealous because of it.



sweetraglansweater said:


> -sometimes you wish he would be a man and just make a decision already instead of asking for your input. Geezuz.


Define areas you do not care to choose - make it his domain to make decisions. 



sweetraglansweater said:


> -he is not possessive of you. You will wish he would mark you as his territory.
> -you're not sure that if he had to get into a fight he would.


He is not owner, but he is loyal protector, a sworn knight. He will not make you his prey, but he will defend you most faithfully. He will let you go with his heart broken, if that is what you wish, but he would fight to death for your security and honor.
The possible con might be that while the bad boy would fight only for his possession, good guy might get into fight for other damsels in distress as well. Though he would first try to defuse the situation.


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## SilverFalcon (Dec 18, 2014)

ebae said:


> You have no idea how much our penis controls the decisions we make on an hourly basis.


Is this your experience, because to me this sounds like a myth or a very weak will.


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## ebae (Sep 21, 2015)

SilverFalcon said:


> Is this your experience, because to me this sounds like a myth or a very weak will.


Every man knows this is real. No matter your sexual preference all men must master their penis. If you have, congrats on obtaining exceptional willpower in the era of excess.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

SilverFalcon said:


> How to fix:
> 
> 
> He builds anticipation - delayed gratification for both. Play along and tempt him, should be worth it. At one time his face will turn red, then just invite him.
> ...


Like I said, I wrote snarkily. What you describe is an utterly delicious man I could only hope for.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Swede said:


> Various reasons.
> 
> Examples:
> 1) Abusive childhood. People who grow up with abuse are drawn to it as adults too, for several reasons (low self-esteem, seeking the familiar, trying to deal with the past, no boundaries, etc). This is a really hard pattern to break.
> ...



When talking about real "bad boys" I think this is a pretty good rule of thumb with regard to why women choose assholes. 

Another reason is that there is a lot of shame (in America) regarding female sexuality. If you get with a bad boy or an asshole you can abdicate responsibility and still get your sexual needs met. Or, conversely, feeling shame over one's self worth and thinking "he's as good as I deserve."

For me it was a combination of childhood abuse and naivete. I picked a guy who managed my life just like my mother. So essentially I dated my mom because up until that point I had no clue what else to do. 

I think it's a misnomer to call the guy that was like my mother a "bad boy." He was cruel. A bad boy might be edgy and fun, he might even break your heart or leave you feeling a little out of the lurch... None of those things are irreparable though. A cruel man beats you, humiliates you and even tries to kill you. And the man I dated, like my mother, engaged in that kind of cruel behavior. 

So we should be careful and differentiate between a bad boy and a cruel man/person because those two are not equivocal.


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## ASME (Nov 5, 2015)

I wonder the same thing. 90's-era Slash is my celebrity crush.lol


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Man I'm not going to lie. Reading this I wanted to see what kind of natural response I would have to it all, and I am really happy it's been a positive response. To explain myself, I always was a big nerd. I'm not a bad boy and I know if I wanted to try to become one I’d half ass it and fail badly. 

I didn't define a bad boy well and that was my fault and I'd define it as a man with these qualities: 
8 Too-True Reasons You Love Dating Bad Boys | YourTango

During high school I was considered a "nice guy" as in girls didn't find me sexually attractive. A lot of girls friendzoned me and I was told I was too boring to be considered attractive, I was socially awkward, and bad boys in general were my bullies. Even if they didn't actively bully, they'd definitely were condescending and thought they were better than me. 

Something that was huge for me was that I created my own path in life. That I didn't comply to social norms and I made things go my way. Yes I know that's not the most humble of attitudes but it meant a lot to me. I said this a lot on this forum but my dream is to become an astronaut and was considered delusional my whole life. I spent so many hours being athletic(not for aesthetics, but because you need to be an athlete to be an astronaut), studying a lot and just being very disciplined. I'd say I'm pretty boring and predictable on that part, but it's something that meant a lot to me. Hell even stereotypically/aesthetically I know my best friends and I are considered boring nerds: 
http://i.imgur.com/ZkHtmXN.jpg
I'm on the very left, here's a better picture: 
http://i.imgur.com/hRZ2S6v.png
And I felt those stereotypes first hand for my whole life. I knew I wasn't going to break a law(can't jeopardize becoming an astronaut with misdemeanors). I could tell you about doing integrals in the complex plane for hours, but I'm not going to be good in bed(still a virgin) and I knew that wasn't considered conventionally attractive. That it's considered nerdy and boring, but as the years passed by a lot of people started considering me attractive. Both for my work ethic and my future.

And that is a damn good feeling. There is nothing more than I wanted than to go into my life on my terms. I did not want to change. I wanted to be that delusional astronaut boy, who had these conventionally "nerdy" interests and I wanted that to be considered attractive and not be afraid to be myself and it was hard, because those qualities made me ugly in the past or at least feel like it. 

I know I'm not the perfect person and I make mistakes, and my attitude was a very stubborn one. But I truly feel it did help me get that feeling what I wanted, and that's that I could create my own path and not lose myself. Not change myself and be considered attractive on my terms, and that is a really, really great feeling. 

Overall I don't really care who you are attracted to, I understand everyone is different. For me it was more about the feeling of being inferior because I wasn't a bad boy and I didn't want to change who I was, and then later getting the feeling that I was attractive for who I am. Reading about these things it used to illicit anger, but now it's a good feeling because I feel I'm on equal terms with those guys. 

Sorry for the long exposition, it just helps out writing stuff like this out and helps me better process it. Thanks for listening.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

So I know this topic is dead but I do have a few questions I'm still wondering about. 



sweetraglansweater said:


> Like I said, I wrote snarkily. What you describe is an utterly delicious man I could only hope for.


In terms of this delicious man, would he also someone be considered someone who will fulfill other needs(such as emotional)? If so how so? If not, would the sexual pleasure and the enjoyment of that be enough to overcome other areas he may be lacking in? In terms of finding a man with this stature would his sexual appeal be the #1 factor? Thanks! Anyone else is also free to answer


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

@Nightmaker81, thanks for sharing your story and thoughts. Many people, both men and women, share your experience (I'm an INTJ woman, so you can imagine how well that worked out in elementary school/highschool...).

However, I'd like to point out that highschoolers are not men and women - pretty far from it. People in that age range are still normally very immature. To base ones perception of the world on the behavior of highschoolers in not a great idea. 

Females in highschool are girls, not women. Many of these girls eventually grow up and that is in part why your reality change - people around you change. 
Do you view women, relationships, and yourself the same way as you did back highschool? Hopefully not. The same goes for grownup women. 

And luckily, most men mature away from who they were in highschool as well.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> fuck bad boys. give me an innocent, English footman from Downton Abbey any day over that shit :laughing:


Hey baby.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Swede said:


> @_Nightmaker81_, thanks for sharing your story and thoughts. Many people, both men and women, share your experience (I'm an INTJ woman, so you can imagine how well that worked out in elementary school/highschool...).
> 
> However, I'd like to point out that highschoolers are not men and women - pretty far from it. People in that age range are still normally very immature. To base ones perception of the world on the behavior of highschoolers in not a great idea.
> 
> ...


Yeah that's true. I'm not disagreeing with you, because I do see a lot of change comparatively, but I still see elements of high school and sometimes I think it's too much.

Like one of the best examples I can think of this dude from Unfaithful: http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjEwNjM5NTg1OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNjk2MzM3._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

Yeah he's good looking, but in the film he's also extremely selfish and narcissistic. I don't care if you're attracted to that but I wish more people were objective about those negative qualities. I remember going to a forum talking about the film and talking about that dude's negative qualities and the comments from adults(I know it's still the internet) were that I was a virgin loser, I wasn't an "alpha" and that I was jealous I wasn't him. 

I think it does have a bit of a societal effect because men who aren't that are considered immediately inferior and that warped view of masculinity then transforms into encouraging behaviors like selfishness and abuse. Going to college and knowing of the fraternity system I know way too many of these "alpha males" who say "Yeah bro I'm just being assertive" and that assertiveness later turns into sexual assault. That's a reality of it and I think our society encouraged that behavior for a long time because that forcefullness is seen as masculine and attractive. 

It is shifting from that, but I personally was not that kind of fan of masculinity and saw a lot of problems both for women and guys who aren't that and were considered inferior. That's why it meant so much for me to create my own path because even though we do change from our high school selves, I still see a lot of aspects of our high school selves too much in our adult selves.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Nightmaker81 said:


> So I know this topic is dead but I do have a few questions I'm still wondering about.
> 
> 
> 
> In terms of this delicious man, would he also someone be considered someone who will fulfill other needs(such as emotional)? If so how so? If not, would the sexual pleasure and the enjoyment of that be enough to overcome other areas he may be lacking in? In terms of finding a man with this stature would his sexual appeal be the #1 factor? Thanks! Anyone else is also free to answer


* I don't really think much about emotions when entering a relationship or crushing on somebody - guess that part doesn't register in my mind till much later (as in months into the relationship) 

Hmm My istp husband was considered a bad boy when we first started going out (this was when I was 19,him 21) 
He had an r6, smoke, has a reputation of breaking girls heart , is extremely flirtatious and have moods of being either very charming and charismatic or extremely cold and aloof - my friends tell me " he's trouble" 
His friends and exes tell me " he's trouble" my husband himself told me " I'll break your heart "
I didn't really care what people say or think - in my eyes and mind I was extremely infatuated by him - it's my first time being turned on by somebody sexually and Im just living in the moment and as of the moment he's something I really really want . Instead of finding flaws about him - I find his rebellious exterior and fearful of emotion intriguing and I just want to understand him as a person better but I want him to genuinely open up to me - so I take the relationship as it is- I trusted him completely - he gives off a very straightforward vibe . As for all the heart breaking warning - I didn't feel any weird vibe and I understand myself enough to know that I'm making the right decision. Eventually he start opening up to me and trust in me ( he trusts me more than anyone I know ) and that made me fall in love with him ( we've been together for 10 years and have never engaged in a loud argument - i talk to him more than anyone I know and understand him thoroughly) . I found out later that most of his relationship ended bc his exes didn't trust him and demanded more than he could provide- he fell for me bc I trusted in him - find him compelling and see don't see his flaws as flaws 


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## Diophantine (Nov 24, 2011)

ai.tran.75 said:


> * I don't really think much about emotions when entering a relationship or crushing on somebody - guess that part doesn't register in my mind till much later (as in months into the relationship)
> 
> Hmm My istp husband was considered a bad boy when we first started going out (this was when I was 19,him 21)
> He had an r6, smoke, has a reputation of breaking girls heart , is extremely flirtatious and have moods of being either very charming and charismatic or extremely cold and aloof - my friends tell me " he's trouble"
> ...


WOW, that's pretty amazing... did he pursue you though, or did you him? How long did it take you being in the uncertain zone before he decided to be exclusive with you? 

Honestly, your husband sounds 100% like the bad boy I like, and the way he makes you feel is very much like mine makes me feel, too.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Diophantine said:


> WOW, that's pretty amazing... did he pursue you though, or did you him? How long did it take you being in the uncertain zone before he decided to be exclusive with you?
> 
> Honestly, your husband sounds 100% like the bad boy I like, and the way he makes you feel is very much like mine makes me feel, too.


He was pursuing me - I really like him though - I lost my phone he found it and we have strong connection since the first day we met ( he ask me out the second time he saw me). Very aggressive but charismatic - charming and extremely humorous- we share the same sense of humor I think that's what drawn me to him most 
Tell me about yours ?


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## Diophantine (Nov 24, 2011)

ai.tran.75 said:


> He was pursuing me - I really like him though - I lost my phone he found it and we have strong connection since the first day we met ( he ask me out the second time he saw me). Very aggressive but charismatic - charming and extremely humorous- we share the same sense of humor I think that's what drawn me to him most
> Tell me about yours ?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Uh, sounds SO similar! Except, my friend set up a "blind" date between me and him, so it wasn't really he who asked me out. He didn't ask me out afterwards until later; he claims he is a "free spirit" and doesn't want any exclusivity or expectations... I am also a free spirit though, which is why I am so drawn to him. Physically, amazing. And mentally and energetically, we click. But he is just too much of a commitment-phobe to pursue me. Or just doesn't feel the same. @[email protected]


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Diophantine said:


> Uh, sounds SO similar! Except, my friend set up a "blind" date between me and him, so it wasn't really he who asked me out. He didn't ask me out afterwards until later; he claims he is a "free spirit" and doesn't want any exclusivity or expectations... I am also a free spirit though, which is why I am so drawn to him. Physically, amazing. And mentally and energetically, we click. But he is just too much of a commitment-phobe to pursue me. Or just doesn't feel the same. @[email protected]


I'm sorry to hear


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## bruh (Oct 27, 2015)

Bad guys bore me. I'm thee bad person in the relationship!!!


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

Unfortunately, yes - I've always been drawn to bad boys, and they seem to be drawn to me as well.

Only one was actually dangerous, though - I'm pretty sure he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder...he is definitely NOT mentally stable. 

The rest, well...I had an on/off relationship with one for six years. He's a VERY intelligent, good person and would never hurt anyone (outside of defense), but yeah...he definitely fits the bad boy stereotype in a lot of ways (drives a Harley, has tattoos, likes guns and metal, drinks, swears, is stubborn, opinionated, strong-willed, etc). 

I like assertive, strong, outspoken, dominant men. (I do NOT mean like BDSM-dominant. That's NOT my thing.)

The last guy I dated is heavily tattooed, likes metal, and drinks too much. That didn't last because he is, well...kind of stupid and very immature, and like I said...he drinks too much.

Now I have a "reformed bad boy" I knew back in my high school and early college years barking up my tree, but he lives 800 miles away.

I'm like a magnet to them, but I'd prefer to find a nice guy who is assertive and mature, with some bad boy qualities.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

depends on how you define bad boys?

if they are people who are opinionated, strong willed, and confident.

what if they are opinion is that women are third class citzen, and they do whatever it takes to show that, and they are confident that they are right? 

Yea for me that does not fly just simply having those quality. it is what they are allying themselves with. are they strong willed, and confident and opinionated for the good of humanity or for their selfish little agenda? 

so no, I would never Date a so called bad girl because confident, assertive, strong willed, and opinionated, are not "bad boy" traits. 
I prefer someone who is kind, reasonable, well mannered, easy going, upbeat, good emotional control,strong willed, sweet, assertive, confident, both idvidualistic and co-operative and over all a stand up citzen with high morals and love for humanity. oh a good sense of humor will help too

good=/= sheep like niceness


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## Eren Jaegerbomb (Nov 13, 2015)

They're not attractive... Every-time I think of "bad boys" I think of gang thugs or just plain d-bags, or drug addicts or something. 
That isn't attractive, at all.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

Snakecharmer said:


> Unfortunately, yes - I've always been drawn to bad boys, and they seem to be drawn to me as well.
> 
> Only one was actually dangerous, though - I'm pretty sure he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder...he is definitely NOT mentally stable.
> 
> ...


I am stubborn, opinionated, strong willed, likes some guns (generally the looks of flintlocks, as they are aesthetically intriguing) and listens to metal. Am I a "bad boy"? Hmm, I think bad boy and good guy are generally narrow stereotypes. In high school I went from nerdy and compliant to listening metal music. In elementary and middle school I was the straight and narrow nerd, always doing as I was told (study all the time, go to Boy Scouts, go to church), listening to what I was told (George W. Bush was a great president, vote for Bush again, tuck your shirt in, comb your hair) and never started questioning all that until in high school and later college. In high school, I became in with the emo/metal crowd, listened to metal and classic hard rock (Black Sabbath), questioned the political beliefs and Christian religion I was brought up with and became more cynical and less trusting in my worldview. The more I saw the dark side and flaws in humanity, the more I became cynical and distrustful. I was bullied by true bad boys, such as my former martial arts "master" who was very macho, domineering, bullying, abusive and full of himself. I was bullied by the head jock in high school for my nerdiness, shorter stature and skinny body. I was bullied by a true bad boy in middle school who had a manipulative, cruel and malicious personality. What makes one "bad" versus truly bad?


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## Hellfire (Nov 30, 2015)

Independence and toughness. I need a man/woman who can be at my side. Someone fiery with a devil may care attitude. 
Not necessarily a jackass. 
That said I like it when they open up and they're actually quite sensitive within.


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## Noctis (Apr 4, 2012)

sweetraglansweater said:


> (I write this quite snarkily, so Feminismz don't tar me)
> 
> *
> The Pros/Perks of dating a bad boy:
> ...


I guess I am an "In between guy?" I am not into bar fights, but I do not get shocked when women express a sexual appetite. I am an impeccable gentleman, but I am independent enough to not pander unquestioningly to her parents for their approval. I do not pressure a woman into sex, but I would satisfy her sexual cravings without shame or prudery (however, I strongly believe in consent on both parties and am not into the philosophy or acts of BDSM). While I do admit I might idealize women I am into, I would not be surprised or shocked if she is sexually expressive. I would never use my penis for harm, nor cheat on a genuinely good woman, but if I were to be abused by a woman in a relationship again, like my LDR 2 years ago, I would seek comfort in more warm/friendly and genuinely caring women. I am not a doormat. I would get jealous if a woman talked on and on about her ex and be suspicious of infidelity from her if she was in close contact with a more attractive ex. I would never hit a woman under any circumstance, as I am not an aggressive person, unless the woman were to be physically abusive like Rhonda Rousey, which I would be forced to defend myself. I wouldn't mind asking women about input on dates, bedroom activities, etc. I am also someone who is honest about my insecurities and ask how a woman is feeling. However, I can be moody and aloof at times, and not always emotionally expressive. I am also extremely honest and upfront in my communication style.


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## Hei (Jul 8, 2014)

I honestly do not find it attractive to the point I can't see why it would be attractive to others. When I see "bad boy" I don't think of a tall dark handsome introvert on a motorcycle dressed like he stepped out of Grease the musical. I think of someone that is despicable, puts all others below himself, highly self preservationist when it comes to a bad situation. I just do not see it


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

Being a person who is attracted to trouble, I tend to enjoy the unpredictability. However there is a difference between a typical "Bad Boy" vs a straight up asshole. Anyone who wants an asshole has some serious self esteem issues. 

Bad boy is a type of person who is rebellious, breaks the rules, generally causes trouble, is in trouble for reasons not really of thier own doing. 

For example Bart from Simpsons is a bad boy. Hes a little trouble maker but you can tell hes a kind hearted person and if someone weaker is being picked on he will often actually stand up for them. He has stood up to Nelson but Bart would not go out of his way to pick on innocent people but he does have a rebellion against authority figure. 

We have Nelson who is a bully but he is a jerk because of his background and is doing so to hide his terrible insecurities and if he had a nicer background he might actually be a kinder person. 

We have people who do bad things since they can and take pleasure in it. Which a good example of that is Bill Cypher which borders on sociopaths asshole. (That is not a bad boy. Its just an asshole) 

Bart-Badboy
Nelson-Broken soul 
Bill Cypher-Asshole 

Nothing wrong with Bart aside from the fact he is a troublemaker. He is not really a bad person.


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## Yamato (Dec 21, 2014)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Define bad -
> I'm attracted to crude /satire humor , street smart , witty , rebellious ( for the right reason),care free , calculated risk takers who compels my mind and excites me
> 
> 
> ...


Well thx for descriping me , i feel honnord


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## nestle_bird (Dec 24, 2015)

I don't find them attractive, TBH.
Maybe it's because I myself have some traits that could be considered "bad girl" traits, and I tend to be attracted to my opposites or to people who are not much like me, but I've really never understood why there's this "attractive bad boy" myth.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Katsuo Ronin said:


> Well thx for descriping me , i feel honnord


Oddly enough you're an istp ( I'm married to one ) 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Yamato (Dec 21, 2014)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Oddly enough you're an istp ( I'm married to one )
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Lol XD wat are the chanches on that , and gongradulate my fellow istp for being married to such a cute girl  way to go istp


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Most likely the confidence. Women like confident men and men like confident women. Simple as that.


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## puzzled (Mar 15, 2016)

MisterPerfect said:


> Being a person who is attracted to trouble, I tend to enjoy the unpredictability.


Holy moly. We've got a certified bad boy in the house.


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## Yamato (Dec 21, 2014)

FreeBeer said:


> Most likely the confidence. Women like confident men and men like confident women. Simple as that.


i dont know about that , im quit confident and i ussaly like all kinds of woman for multible quality's in there persona .


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## Yamato (Dec 21, 2014)

Katsuo Ronin said:


> Lol XD wat are the chanches on that , and gongradulate my fellow istp for being married to such a cute girl  way to go istp


if i ever meet your man , ill buy him a beer to gongratz him  and if you like i also buy you a drink to gongratz you for being married to a istp


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

Women love bad boys due to poor self esteem issues. it give them someone to fix

people who are confident, opinionated, and daring usually aren't bad at all. lol.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

^ Men do this too, except it's less of a nurturing/protective thing and more about finding someone who is more compliant, within the context of the relationship.

They are not attractive, and neither is baseless confidence.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

Katsuo Ronin said:


> if i ever meet your man , ill buy him a beer to gongratz him  and if you like i also buy you a drink to gongratz you for being married to a istp


Haha deal ! But don't mind me if I get drunk after drinking half a glass of beer 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Dissonance (Aug 23, 2012)

Meh, this is like the oldest one in the book. Female instincts. Like men and tits. A bad boy gives the impression that he can take care of himself, respectively take care of you.

It's almost the same strategy as slot machines - be a dick 99% of the time. The other 1% keeps you playing.


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## Bearlin (Feb 14, 2013)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Genuinely curious. Never considered myself a bad boy so I'm wondering what qualities are attractive in them and could those same qualities still be found in a non bad boy and be attractive?


what is a bad boy?
someone who gets lots of women into bed?
or a criminal?
or someone who lives by his own rules?
or a big mouth?
or a lost soul?
or a broken personality?
or a crazy guy?
or a harvard law student who is so crazy that he drinks some bottles of bear at the weekend and dances naked on the roof of his house?
or a soldier who kills people for money?
etc.


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## Lakigigar (Jan 4, 2016)

I like people who are not confident.or semi confident. ENFP-kind of people. They don't care about being confident.

I'm absolutely not confident, and i don't give that impression. However if i know i'm skilled in something than i'm more confident in it. I never had a relationship (if i was more confident, it could be different).


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## Bearlin (Feb 14, 2013)

Lakigigar said:


> I like people who are not confident.or semi confident. ENFP-kind of people. They don't care about being confident.
> 
> I'm absolutely not confident, and i don't give that impression. However if i know i'm skilled in something than i'm more confident in it. I never had a relationship (if i was more confident, it could be different).


you're male and you like people who are not confident...aha...
what has this to do with the op question why " bad boys " are attractive?


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## Lakigigar (Jan 4, 2016)

Bearlin said:


> you're male and you like people who are not confident...aha...
> what has this to do with the op question why " bad boys " are attractive?


Nothing sorry.

Saw the vids FreeBeer shared and probably did forget that this topic had something to do with Bad Boys..


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## Bearlin (Feb 14, 2013)

Lakigigar said:


> Nothing sorry.
> 
> Saw the vids FreeBeer shared and probably forget that this topic had something to do with Bad Boys..


no need to apologize. i find your answer funny that you, as a male, like nonconfident people .:laughing:

who knows...maby that explains why women find "bad boys" attractive.

i mean, i even do not know what a "bad boy" is. maby women know it.


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## StarFollowed (May 5, 2014)

Lol, what are you saying. Bad boys suck. No girl with healthy self-esteem is attracted to them.


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## Yamato (Dec 21, 2014)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Haha deal ! But don't mind me if I get drunk after drinking half a glass of beer
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


dont worry , i wont mind


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## Blessed Frozen Cells (Apr 3, 2013)

I can't think of one. They seem very childish to me and I can't stand immaturity at all.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Didn't really answer this all those months ago because the song I had explaining it disappeared.
founditagain 





...
I think I remember how I got inspired to do that bunker thing now.

Sweet baby jesus I was retarded as a kid.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)




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## Kataro214 (Jan 10, 2018)

Ok this is my view at "nice guys" and "bad boys" as an INFP(Norwegian): 

*I think the nice guys finish last for several reasons. And it's not because of the fact that they are nice people.. *

1. *Bad boys have qualities that nice guys doesn't have at early stage.* The confidence for example is easier for bad boys to have early in their life (among many other qualities). They just don't care but nice guys tend to be "scared" to hurt or not getting liked by others. This actually holds them back.

2. *Girls looks at nice-guys as more boring*, like everyday life kinda boring. Most people are nice (enough) so that's not that special or hard to find. 
Also, some girls wants to fix their partner in some degree (mby this sounds less boring and more meaningful to the girl). It's possibly true for all girls, thinking about the mom-instinct that is to raise a child. To lead a loved one at correct path could sound like a meaningful experience for a girl before she gets kids (I believe).

3. *Girls can easier reject or leave a bad guy.* Most girls are kind and does not wish to hurt or leave people that doesn't deserve it. So if a girl just wants sex I can imagine it's easier to go for a bad guy and just trash him after. Also, I can assume that bad guys can give som kind of adrenaline feeling that probably some girls like. The exceptions society have that is "girls are nice and should follow rules more than guys" could have something to do with it. 

*But in the end, when the nice guys grow up mentally, they will be more attractive* because they will learn most of those qualities the bad guys had early. Me as an INFP used long time to build up my confidence, knowing that I didn't fit into society like people expected. I've been told to "man up" but the stereotypical man is not INFP. I believe an INFP man should cry and be true to himself- You might not see Frodo(INFP) in Lord Of The Rings as a "real man", but he was brave. Looking at the bigger perspective he was probably the true "alpha-male" in the whole story, despite how girly he might seem to some people. 

woa ok I did not plan to bring that up.. It just happened >_> 
ok. I also think girls are more ready for family at later age, and this could also explain why "nice guys finish last"

I also want to say that me as a nice guy feels quite loved (also sexually) by the girls now at age 23. at age 17 mby not that much. It could because girls I relate best with is probably INF girls, and how can I find them if I cant take the first step that society expects males to do (yes I've learned to take the first step and can almost look extroverted). An ENFJ would also not like me if I was too passive and insecure.

*So in the end, be nice and focus at being the best you.* That's my conclusion at least :fall:


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