# What sort of types like male INFJs?



## RubiksCubix (Oct 29, 2014)

I have seen multiple threads on the subject of male INFJ attraction and relationships; namely, the frustration of INFJ males in finding partners who like them. 

Therefore, I think it would be helpful to identify the main types, especially females (since it is mainly straight males preoccupied with this notion of gender roles and how their personality is not compatible with all of the 'masculine traits') who are usually attracted to INFJ's, so these frustrated INFJ's (including myself) can be more aware of the sorts of people around us who might like us romantically, and what sorts of behaviors to expect, as well as the best way said person would appreciate the feeling to be reciprocated.

*My Story:*

I have had a handful of females who have been attracted to me and approached me on their own accord: an INFP, an INTP, and an ISTP, who have literally walked up to me and just given me their phone numbers. But while these are all sweet individuals and close friends, I don't often have much success outside of these occasional occurrences.

It isn't that I am not well-liked, quite to the contrary, actually. I am well respected for my writing skills, my ability to communicate my convictions, and my charisma, generally. It is simply that I feel the majority of young women around me view me as the sort of person that makes them laugh, that can help them with their homework or personal problems, or that they can rally around autonomously as sort of an ideological leader, not the sort of person that they wish to know personally and deeply. While I have a handful of close friends, these generally occur from circumstance, and I have an extremely hard time, as many INFJ males do, with initiating these relationships.


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## Mina_22 (Jun 2, 2015)

What sort of types like male INFJs?
ENFPs like me! 
It did come to me as a total surprise and I will explain how. I can also explain to you why women view you that way, as I have literally observed what you've been going through with my brother.


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## Mina_22 (Jun 2, 2015)

Lately, my brother and I got really close after going through a period that was extremely rough for the whole family and particularly painful for myself. There was problem after problem and My brother's patience, protectiveness and kindness drew me closer to him and we started becoming great friends. I realized, that our personalities clicked, complimented eachother and we balanced out each other's faults. He had the patience I lacked, the steadiness. And I had the creativity, the inspiration. After going through a few half-hearted relationships, with an INTP, an ESFP and a probable INFP , I started thinking, what would it be like to share this kind of friendship I have with my brother, on a romantic level with a romantic partner? I haven't tried it yet but the idea seems very appealing


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## Mina_22 (Jun 2, 2015)

I hope that last response explained the first part, which is why I have started to look around me for possible iNFJ future partners. The second part, concerned with attracting women, all has to do with how an INFJ presents himself to partners. He is overly kind, complimenting, authentic, warm. While we do like all these qualities, they can be off putting if: a) they are shown in excess. b) they are shown in solitide (I.e. showing your warm side without showing your edge, or your tough side, which I'm pretty sure INFJs do possess) and c) not showing that you too are deserving of the sweet treatment you dish out..in other words, you may give without expecting and this may be felt by some women as a thing to take for granted. Finally, I have realised INFJ s authenticity may barr them somewhat from a bit of flirting..while excess flirting may not be your thing, you may value deep, soul searching conversations a lot more, do remember that those deep conversations are better delayed a bit until you get to know your partner somewhat. So yes, at first, flirt a bit, joke a bit and you'll automatically find yourself getting to that point where you can share all those deep, intriguing thoughts that boggle your mind. Hope that helped!


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

Who would fall in love with a male INFJ? I guess a dominant ExTJ chick.


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## RubiksCubix (Oct 29, 2014)

Mina_22 said:


> I hope that last response explained the first part, which is why I have started to look around me for possible iNFJ future partners. The second part, concerned with attracting women, all has to do with how an INFJ presents himself to partners. He is overly kind, complimenting, authentic, warm. While we do like all these qualities, they can be off putting if: a) they are shown in excess. b) they are shown in solitide (I.e. showing your warm side without showing your edge, or your tough side, which I'm pretty sure INFJs do possess) and c) not showing that you too are deserving of the sweet treatment you dish out..in other words, you may give without expecting and this may be felt by some women as a thing to take for granted. Finally, I have realised INFJ s authenticity may barr them somewhat from a bit of flirting..while excess flirting may not be your thing, you may value deep, soul searching conversations a lot more, do remember that those deep conversations are better delayed a bit until you get to know your partner somewhat. So yes, at first, flirt a bit, joke a bit and you'll automatically find yourself getting to that point where you can share all those deep, intriguing thoughts that boggle your mind. Hope that helped!


Thank you so much for your response!  It certainly did.

You are quite observant. I tend to show my 'edge' or my 'sensitive side' off and on in mood changes that can span for days at a time. I also indeed do have a problem flirting due to authenticity.

It's like I said to my INTP friend recently: "I am really good at saying how I feel. And that's just the problem I have with approaching people I'm attracted to. I can't." 

And yes, we have a tough side. I've stood up to many a bully in my day. (it was sixth grade )


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## RubiksCubix (Oct 29, 2014)

Tetsuo Shima said:


> Who would fall in love with a male INFJ? I guess a dominant ExTJ chick.


Hmm.... I suppose it's possible. I do tend to get along quite well with ENTJ's and ENFJ's, but ESTJ's, while once in awhile I find one that totally clicks, I generally am on a totally different wavelength with. That being said, I respect their ability to stand by their beliefs, and their rigid system of moral values.


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## Mina_22 (Jun 2, 2015)

RubiksCubix said:


> Thank you so much for your response!  It certainly did.
> 
> You are quite observant. I tend to show my 'edge' or my 'sensitive side' off and on in mood changes that can span for days at a time. I also indeed do have a problem flirting due to authenticity.
> 
> ...


Glad I could be of use  
Your comment on standing up to bullies got me laughing and reminded me of quite a few incidents. You go INFJ !


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## cricket (Jan 10, 2011)

I would love to meet an INFJ male. Idk about dating one, simply because I've never met one IRL, but I'd imagine we would get along very well. At the very least, I'd probably be attracted to him.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Usually I'm endin up with INFP / ISFP / ESFP. Like all the time. It's hard to connect to an INFJ because when we truelly like you and want things to go further it can sort of be ankward. We won't tell you how we fell. We'll write it down at the start, then give you subtle hints, and slowly bond together.

The interesting part is that, we'll still be a very warm, present, very enjoyable person for you. Just don't expect us to initiate things on an emotional level, you need to be curious and ask the right questions


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## Kyusaku (Mar 18, 2014)

In my experience most types can like us male INFJs depending on how balanced your functions are. That said ENTJs and STJs in general aren't much fond of us (and vice versa). As a general advice, live life as it comes, if you try hard and engage your inferior Se it's not going to work out in your favor. The patience and soothingness of your Ni/Fe will do miracles. Be aware of your strengths, forgiving and acceptive of your flaws.


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## TimeWaster (Apr 26, 2015)

Most women are attracted to me in a personal way, because I am sincerely interested in their lives. 

Fortunately, this saves me from the headache of dating life, as women tend to view me only as a close friend and nothing else.


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## jat0123 (Jul 10, 2015)

My best friend is an INFJ male! 

I feel that with INFJs, INFPs, and INTJs, it takes some time to really appreciate their best traits-- loyalty, compassion, creativity, dependability. A lot of people tend to look for friends who make them laugh when they first meet, or people who they have a lot of things in common with so that there are no awkward silences during conversation. 

I remember when I first met a lot of my INFJ, INFP, and INTJ friends, I thought they were really weird, quiet, and had a stick up their butts. But, for various reasons, we kept sticking around each other and I can honestly say that those same people are the ones who can now make me laugh until I cry. I get warm fuzzies being friends with them and truly feel protected and loved! So my tip would be to just be patient and show your creative, kind, and funny side when you feel comfortable. Most people will appreciate your traits! Why do you think so many movies/dramas have INFJs as the star?


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## Genuine Hyperbole (Jul 16, 2015)

Sygma said:


> We'll write it down at the start, then give you subtle hints, and slowly bond together.


This quote is veryyy accurate to the early stages of my INFP/INFJ dating relationship. We had a really hard time speaking, but we'd sit next to each other absorbing the energy from each other and eventually we started writing notes back and forth in a mini-comp book. Then after awhile we talked everyday online when we didn't see each other in person. It's a slow escalation and takes a long time, but if you have that initial click, it'll happen.

I know the reason I fell in love with an INFJ was because I felt this extremely strange, deep emotional connection with him the first day we met.. It sounds like I'm being dramatic but I actually felt this emotional electricity.. I felt like someone had looked through me..
You know that way you look at your best friend and you can communicate just by making eye contact? That sense of mental telepathy, but on steroids, is what you get when you combine these two types. Any little thing you feel, the other person knows it and you know exactly what they feel in reaction to something. It's very mystical, but unfortunately it makes you think you know them better than you do. Emotions are very different from values and opinions.. so if you find one be careful of a false sense of alignment in views. 

I think many types could bond with you, INFJ man. These girls just treating you as their counselor buddy are not worth your time. The people who fall in love with you won't look to get an emotional boost from you. They'll look in your eyes and be insatiably curious.. They'll look at you and it'll feel like seeing a creature from the same planet as they are...

So that was kind of a rant about how I fell in love, but to answer your question in a more straightforward way, I'm an INFP and I fell in love with an INFJ male. That happens sometimes. The end xP


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## TimeWaster (Apr 26, 2015)

I'm no ladies man, but xNTP and ESTP girls can't seem to get enough of me. 

(I actually posted above some time ago, but didn't really know what the thread was about)


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Genuine Hyperbole said:


> This quote is veryyy accurate to the early stages of my INFP/INFJ dating relationship. We had a really hard time speaking, but we'd sit next to each other absorbing the energy from each other and eventually we started writing notes back and forth in a mini-comp book. Then after awhile we talked everyday online when we didn't see each other in person. It's a slow escalation and takes a long time, but if you have that initial click, it'll happen.
> 
> I know the reason I fell in love with an INFJ was because I felt this extremely strange, deep emotional connection with him the first day we met.. It sounds like I'm being dramatic but I actually felt this emotional electricity.. I felt like someone had looked through me..
> You know that way you look at your best friend and you can communicate just by making eye contact? That sense of mental telepathy, but on steroids, is what you get when you combine these two types. Any little thing you feel, the other person knows it and you know exactly what they feel in reaction to something. It's very mystical, but unfortunately it makes you think you know them better than you do. Emotions are very different from values and opinions.. so if you find one be careful of a false sense of alignment in views.
> ...


Haha well, enjoy your deep intimacy, it's something rare and definitely worth living to the fullest, I'm happy that you like what make this pair so strange, and yet so powerful 

I'll tell you in due time if I find someone who fully grasp me. A bit tired of people having assumptions and always going the hell away whenever I really want to get down to the core, to the vulnerability, to all of this ... so dating is a bit on the side. Enjoying what life have to offer, at the moment.

Thanks for cheering me up ^^


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## Genuine Hyperbole (Jul 16, 2015)

Sygma said:


> Haha well, enjoy your deep intimacy, it's something rare and definitely worth living to the fullest, I'm happy that you like what make this pair so strange, and yet so powerful


Ha, well, unfortunately we broke up because of underlying issues that blew up in our faces. But everyone's different. I just wanted to share so you know that it IS possible for someone to fall in love with an INFJ male without it being a "tell me i'm pretty and let me vent to you" kind of situation.

I think dating is probably the most difficult for INFxs because we want so much depth but don't know how to find it without getting hurt. I sort of hit the point where I'm like maybe a T would be easier just because they give me some emotional distance where I can flop around and figure out all my feels on my own lol. Idk, like I said, everyone's different. I think any two healthy types can get along if they're willing to put in the effort.

I doubt anyone will ever "fully grasp" you. (If we're honest most people never fully grasp anyone else or even themselves) But I think the goal is finding someone who keeps trying to figure you out even if they know they probably never can completely.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

RubiksCubix said:


> Hmm.... I suppose it's possible. I do tend to get along quite well with ENTJ's and ENFJ's, but ESTJ's, while once in awhile I find one that totally clicks, I generally am on a totally different wavelength with. That being said, I respect their ability to stand by their beliefs, and their rigid system of moral values.


I'm a male INFJ, in a relationship with a ESTJ woman for 20 years. Total different wave lenght of communication, but it works. I don't understand her, and she doesn't understand me, but we respect our differences

Got to be careful with MTBI and relationships. There is more to them.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

Genuine Hyperbole said:


> Ha, well, unfortunately we broke up because of underlying issues that blew up in our faces. But everyone's different. I just wanted to share so you know that it IS possible for someone to fall in love with an INFJ male without it being a "tell me i'm pretty and let me vent to you" kind of situation.
> 
> I think dating is probably the most difficult for INFxs because we want so much depth but don't know how to find it without getting hurt. I sort of hit the point where I'm like maybe a T would be easier just because they give me some emotional distance where I can flop around and figure out all my feels on my own lol. Idk, like I said, everyone's different. I think any two healthy types can get along if they're willing to put in the effort.
> 
> I doubt anyone will ever "fully grasp" you. (If we're honest most people never fully grasp anyone else or even themselves) But I think the goal is finding someone who keeps trying to figure you out even if they know they probably never can completely.


You got a great view on things and yet you're young, that is impressive  

My very first love was like that. We were a bit shy at first, so the physical attraction and action was ankward, but it went very quickly into the compassionate, loving, soul warming territory (at the second time we had fun under the sheets) and bang, everything felt simply right. That connection where you just look each other's eyes and you know what the two of us want ? checked.

That sense of sharing everything, yet letting each other space, so you come back to your partner with an even greater joy ? checked.

Transcending love making ? checked

It was perfect. No more no less. But now that time changed and many people really play by the book of conformism, of superficiality, of material needs and all of these really meaningless things, it's hard to connect. On a large scale, status always has been important for the major part, I crave to find a simple and deep soul ... but yeah. I'm not losing hope tho. But as said earlier, work on myself is needed in the first place 

@DomC

Funny, the person I'm feeling something light and enjoyable toward at the moment is an ESTJ aswell. I do understand her, maybe I'm just a bit frustrated that deeper intellectual or "dreamy" sights does not interest her in the slightest but, at the same time it provide some balance.


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## DomC (Jul 9, 2015)

Sygma said:


> You got a great view on things and yet you're young, that is impressive
> 
> My very first love was like that. We were a bit shy at first, so the physical attraction and action was ankward, but it went very quickly into the compassionate, loving, soul warming territory (at the second time we had fun under the sheets) and bang, everything felt simply right. That connection where you just look each other's eyes and you know what the two of us want ? checked.
> 
> ...


You will be frustrated with her not being into "dreamy sights" as you say. But she will get frustrated with you not being productive.
The stereotype of ESTJ jumping from a todo list to another is real. But wow she does get things done. 
And she also learned that my insights from Ni are real...so when i decide to speak she listens even if she doesn't understand

INFJ and ESTJ prone to one sided relationship...sometime have to stop and "press reset" when time disconects us


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