# How do you know when an NT has something personal against you?



## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I'm specifically talking about a INTJ/type 5 but any NT will help. 


I'm unsure what caused a falling out but I've attempted via text to arrange a meet up with one and though I've seen the person, it doesn't get brought up in person or replied to. 

I have some reasons to believe why but I'm not sure if mentioning it will give bias.

Feel free to inquire here or over pm.


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## FuzzyLittleManPeach (Aug 29, 2011)

I've learned it's best to ask an INTJ outright if there a problem. I don't usually hold anything personal against people, but I might possibly avoid somebody if I don't want to deal with them.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

FuzzyLittleManPeach said:


> I've learned it's best to ask an INTJ outright if there a problem. I don't usually hold anything personal against people, but I might possibly avoid somebody if I don't want to deal with them.


But if they don't like you, what reasons would they have for talking with you? Isn't dislike based in emotion?


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## FuzzyLittleManPeach (Aug 29, 2011)

Vexed said:


> But if they don't like you, what reasons would they have for talking with you? Isn't dislike based in emotion?


There might not be any reasons but he might resolve the issue by talking to him directly. That is if that's what he wants.

I don't generally feel emotions around others, so I suppose it depends on the person and their reasons for disliking somebody. Conjecture


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## Thomas60 (Aug 7, 2011)

Are you obstructing me from a cause, that isn't just about personal dislike?


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Thomas60 said:


> Are you obstructing me from a cause, that isn't just about personal dislike?


Pardon me?


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## Ras1983 (May 11, 2012)

It's hard to tell mate. Everyone is so different. It's all good to talk about NT's and other MBTI types, but how people communicate will vary from person to person. What is easier to generalise is WHY they tell you. People who are primarly feeling types will be trying to restore harmony. People who are logic types will be trying to fix a problem. Their tactfullness will also vary. Both feelers and thinkers can be blunt or may communicate in an indirect way. As to whether they feel comfortable telling you, there are many things that contribute to someone's confidence and therefore ability to deal with conflict (such as upbringing, environment, personality, character, etc).

You just have to confront the other person.


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## chill.take.over (Apr 26, 2011)

As someone else said just ask.


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## NeedsNewNameNow (Dec 1, 2009)

Not an INTJ, but I think it would be difficult to tell if I'm not replying to you because I've decided you aren't worth my time vs. I'm so absorbed in something else that I may not be checking messages or finding time to reply.

I'd talk in person or phone call if you can


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

NeedsNewNameNow said:


> Not an INTJ, but I think it would be difficult to tell if I'm not replying to you because I've decided you aren't worth my time vs. I'm so absorbed in something else that I may not be checking messages or finding time to reply.
> 
> I'd talk in person or phone call if you can


With the person, the sole exception of phone calls he answers is his best friend
so I'd either have to text or to convienyly show up at the place he's at.


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## The Unseen (Oct 26, 2010)

NeedsNewNameNow said:


> Not an INTJ, but I think it would be difficult to tell if I'm not replying to you because I've decided you aren't worth my time vs. I'm so absorbed in something else that I may not be checking messages or finding time to reply.


This.

Phone calls don't even work with me most times, I'll hit ignore, and for the two reasons that @NeedsNewNameNow stated above: you aren't worth my time right now, or being absorbed in something that is more important than dealing with you. Pretty much one and the same.

My best advice is to just keep trying. Eventually the said person will begin to feel guilty for avoiding you, and make contact. That's how it is with me, granted it could take _months_ or more even, so I hope you are patient.


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## Thomas60 (Aug 7, 2011)

Vexed said:


> Pardon me?


Pragmatism confuses the crap out of most people that think (correctly/incorrectly) I hate/should hate them.
Reputation management may demand a vengant action that can be publicly corroborated.
Persistant opposition (doesn't yield to cooperative or harmonizing behaviours) may require weakening.
...basically my original post meant to say "having something personally against someone" is usually just a distraction. If someone is actually in the way of a value you care about and have the power to change, then it's no longer personal.


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## Prijatelj (Dec 19, 2011)

Infrared said:


> Eventually the said person will begin to feel guilty for avoiding you, and make contact.


I believe the person in question is an INTJ - I'm yet to encounter or read about an INTJ who gave up on a doorslam this easily. :laughing:


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## jeffbobs (Jan 27, 2012)

I would think being stong in convictions but then being hypocritical on your choices and decisions, would create a problem maybe. 

soomething u said u would never do but did. 

something that breaks their moral or ethical code maybe if it was on the extreme side maybe. but nothing can be certain, it isnt determined by type really


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

I don't think I've said anything offensive to him but mention at a later date he wasn't procrastinating (two weeks before he told me he took to many breaks when working on something rather than just leaving and not saying anything).

If its not verbal, then I suppose my lack of saying Hi as frequent as possible is one.


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## Monkey King (Nov 16, 2010)

I usually tell someone when it's personal. 

If I don't give a damn about the person, it's likely that I will dissappear: "This person is not worth my time. Moving on."


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## hylogenesis (Apr 26, 2012)

I've spent a couple of days considering this because I had no idea how I treat people I have a problem with...mostly because I don't get out enough to have problems with a lot of people (foreveralone...)

But the one person I do have a problem with, I shamelessly correct her grammar at every turn, whereas someone I like, I'll be more lenient. That's all I can contribute.


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## Rakshasa (May 26, 2012)

My mother's an INTJ, so I think that gives me a fair degree of experience with the matter. 

I've never known an NT to be anything but direct with interpersonal problems when confronted openly, and directly. Especially not the INTJs I've met, they've better things to do than talk to people they don't like. Believe me, you would know if this person didn't like you. But ask if you're not satisfied with my answer.


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