# Do you find ENFPs charming?



## Katie Tran (Apr 8, 2017)

Lousia said:


> @Alassea Telrunya
> My ex boyfriend was an ENFP, he was really nice at first but ended up trying to get me in a relationship I didn't want to be in, asking too much time and too much energy without even wondering himself if it was right.


They are extremely unhealthy damn.
I'm not trying to push this on to other types of course, but are you absolutely sure they are not mistyped? Like how did you know they were ENFPs? Did you break down their characters by functions and stacks?

I am pretty unhealthy myself (suspicions because I see the dark side of myself in them etc) and if I am insecure in a relationship (romantic or platonic) or sense that someone is not invested in it, I will automatically ignore the person or cut them off without turning back. 

The idea of being clingy, needy and so on is just so pathetic and alien to me, I can't fathom it.


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## Katie Tran (Apr 8, 2017)

star tripper said:


> I know. You are an ENFP after all.  But my post was something I'd been wanting to articulate for a while. The stereotype of ENFPs being like some kinda bunny rabbit really sells them short. ENFPs are much feistier than that, huge fucking trolls, very offbeat, unlikely to follow mainstream social cues. We ENTPs low-key don't know how to make fun of social cues like that lol. That would require us coming up with our own social guideline and that's a fucking STRUGGLE. I don't think an ENTP could ever conjure something like that up, so they marry themselves to social norms. You see the same sort of thing with ESTPs.
> 
> And lol! ENFPs are certainly devious, I think. ENTP shenanigans would be something like stealing all the toothpaste in the neighborhood to create a gigantic hopscotch board and then get bored and build a bomb instead. ENFP shenanigans are definitely more along the lines of fucking with people and their attachments to mainstream social norms. I think both tend to make people feel stupid. ENTPs might correct your grammar, but ENFPs will be like, "Oh? You care about that? Lol how cute!"
> 
> I think both are fun but I don't think most people would find either type of shenanigans charming lbr.


I was thinking the exact same thing about ESTPs!
They're known to be physically attractive and I noticed too but in the conventional sense where they know that they will be accepted by the mass.

While ENTPs have Ne, you all still have Fe to balance that out. ENFPs on the other hand have Ne and that selfish and oh so individualistic Fi to not give a shit what people think lmao.

Elizabeth Bennet (an obvious ENFP) is constantly teasing, messing and making not so subtle mockery of people around her yet the mbti community always forgets this lmao. 

I love what you said so much though. I hope you don't mind but I screenshot your posts and published it on my blog (to your credit of course) so that your point gets more known. :}


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## Ermenegildo (Feb 25, 2014)

*Katherine Blocksdorf: How to Deal with a Problem Kicker*

If your horse seems to be a habitual kicker, there are a few things you can do. If you're out, tie a red ribbon in its tail to warn other people that the horse is known to kick. If you're riding in a group, ride at the back of the pack, and make sure others know of its habit. 

Teach your horse to respond to leg aids. A horse that is moving forward is less likely to kick. In a situation where another horse comes too close behind, you will be able to swing your horse's hindquarters to one side or another so your horse, even if it does kick out, can't hit its target.

Handling a horse on the ground that kicks takes extra caution. Any time your horse is in public it should be wearing a red ribbon. Anyone who must work around the horse should be aware of the horse's habit. 

You and anyone else that must come near your horse must stay out of range of those hind legs. If you're in a public place like a horse show or fair, you need to position your horse away from foot traffic and other horses. (S)


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## Lousia (Apr 19, 2017)

@Alassea Telrunya Yes, I did, all of them are straight ENFP besides two which have a bit of T and J sides, but they are still ENFP. Out of those I described, three of them had difficult childhood, so it's perhaps biased but the way they evolved to ENFP was - at least, to me - a way of embracing and completing that needy side of them, that's why when I found it in most of them I kind of did a generalization. Cause most of them are truly dependent in not necessarily a good way to others and it was redundant, even with healthy ones. 

But from what I see, you seem quite nice, so I'm not going to say all of the ENFPs are charming but I will say that it truly depends on who you meet and on the context they are in.


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## Katie Tran (Apr 8, 2017)

Lousia said:


> @Alassea Telrunya Yes, I did, all of them are straight ENFP besides two which have a bit of T and J sides, but they are still ENFP. Out of those I described, three of them had difficult childhood, so it's perhaps biased but the way they evolved to ENFP was - at least, to me - a way of embracing and completing that needy side of them, that's why when I found it in most of them I kind of did a generalization. Cause most of them are truly dependent in not necessarily a good way to others and it was redundant, even with healthy ones.
> 
> But from what I see, you seem quite nice, so I'm not going to say all of the ENFPs are charming but I will say that it truly depends on who you meet and on the context they are in.


Nah, I don't really care if people find me charming or not. The thread was just supposed to be an observation.

I have more problems with being labeled as needy cause of my type since independence has always been something I've placed huge emphasis on as it is extremely important to my life and others. 

Sorry those ENFPs you experienced tarnished our image.


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## Justmeonhere (Jan 7, 2017)

I've an ENFP friend. I like her, we get along fairly well and she has a good sense of humor. She is quite charming. I mean people, guys in particular :tongue: , follow her as bees with honey. It's really funny to watch all the interactions they have with her. The only thing, she cries a lot. A mean she often begins complaining that things go wrong to her, that this is bad, that is too. She's not depressed I assure you, because an hour after she laughs like nothing happened. She a bit of a victimist. I mean if you don't like the fact that, exemple, you didn't get a good grade, cry a bit and then start working to get a better vote. Don't spend all the time crying because later you're a bit of a hipocrite if you say that you tried because you didn't try at all. And yep, I'm sure she's an ENFP, I've confronted the functions and they fit really well. Apart from that she is a good friend, I like to go out with her and I enjoy our shared Ne witty discussions.


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## 68097 (Nov 20, 2013)

Alassea Telrunya said:


> While ENTPs have Ne, you all still have Fe to balance that out. ENFPs on the other hand have Ne and that selfish and oh so individualistic Fi to not give a shit what people think lmao.
> 
> Elizabeth Bennet (an obvious ENFP) is constantly teasing, messing and making not so subtle mockery of people around her yet the mbti community always forgets this lmao.


Elizabeth was always socially appropriate, however, and believed in good public behavior. She was embarrassed by Lydia and the rest of her family being socially inappropriate (and much as she hated to admit it, she had to agree with Mr. Darcy's accusations on that point). She did poke fun at people through wit (Ne) but she was never deliberately cruel. 

That Fi does not care what other people thinks is a myth; a healthy developed Fi treats others as they want to be treated and has high moral standards -- so what someone else used as an example (drawing attention to and making fun of a developing relationship) does not happen with people who have developed Fi properly. Rude, inconsiderate, and oblivious behavior from a Fi is only in practice in an unhealthy Fi.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

I'm an ENFP myself, and I find other ENFPs either
charming, funny, annoying, overly-emotional, overly logical, dark, needy, warm, patient, impatient, generous, selfish..

It depends on the person, the moment, the context, and a bunch of other things. It's really not going to be much different for other types.

I think when I'm free just to enjoy myself, don't have a lot of stress or distractions- I don't think it would be overly arrogant to see myself as charming, it's easy like that because my default setting is to be happy and to have a good time.. but there are often longer term goals I'm working toward that require my focus and require a bit of sacrifice, and being happy-go-lucky all the time makes me "soft" and distracted. Again, that same applies to everyone more or less.


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## Katie Tran (Apr 8, 2017)

angelcat said:


> Elizabeth was always socially appropriate, however, and believed in good public behavior. She was embarrassed by Lydia and the rest of her family being socially inappropriate (and much as she hated to admit it, she had to agree with Mr. Darcy's accusations on that point). She did poke fun at people through wit (Ne) but she was never deliberately cruel.
> 
> That Fi does not care what other people thinks is a myth; a healthy developed Fi treats others as they want to be treated and has high moral standards -- so what someone else used as an example (drawing attention to and making fun of a developing relationship) does not happen with people who have developed Fi properly. Rude, inconsiderate, and oblivious behavior from a Fi is only in practice in an unhealthy Fi.


We know.
The point is, Elizabeth liked to poke fun and many people in the mbti community seems to have forgotten we were capable of that and being anything other than cute little puppies is why I brought it up. 

That was the whole point.

Although I totally disagree with you on the poking fun of developing relationships = unhealthy Fi.
Just because you find that rude and unhealthy doesn't mean it is if the poking fun is done in good humor and the other two parties are okay with it.


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## 68097 (Nov 20, 2013)

Alassea Telrunya said:


> We know.
> The point is, Elizabeth liked to poke fun and many people in the mbti community seems to have forgotten we were capable of that and being anything other than cute little puppies is why I brought it up.
> 
> That was the whole point.


That is because 70% of the stereotypes for ENFPs / those who call themselves ENFPs are actually ESFJs, although the amount of ESFPs who mistype as ENFPs are also probably fairly high. If all the sensors would climb back into their own type (avoided because of the terrible / boring / uncreative sensor stereotypes) the world would get a better read on what being an ENFP is like.

Elizabeth Bennett is probably one of the better cognitive examples of one; I also like Kenzi from LOST GIRL and Chloe from SMALLVILLE. 



> Although I totally disagree with you on the poking fun of developing relationships = unhealthy Fi.
> Just because you find that rude and unhealthy doesn't mean it is if the poking fun is done in good humor and the other two parties are okay with it.


You do need to feel people out and see who you can tease and who you can't. I personally advise against teasing Fi-doms. 

This is the post I was referring to, in terms of poor Fi:



star tripper said:


> Imo ENTPs are generally more tactful because of Fe. They're more aware of what would, well, embarrass most people and thus more sensitive to that.
> 
> As an example of what I mean by ENFP insensitivity, I remember this guy I liked invited me to go rock climbing with him. I didn't have a car so I asked my ENFP friend for a ride but she ended up sticking around (which was fine!). Throughout the activity, any time this guy attempted to flirt with me or vice versa, she would put the spotlight on these flirtations and make fun of us. Then at a certain point, this guy decided to ask me to dinner after the rock climbing. She jumped in and said, "She's my GPS. I need her to get home." So he said alright and tried to make plans for another day. She then piped up and said, "Just kidding! You guys can go to dinner." Minutes later, she flipped back to needing me as her GPS, then back to not needing me, then back to needing me. She didn't actually need me, but she was having fun playing us if that makes sense. And that quality of playing people is something I see very commonly with ENFPs because they simply don't take that shit seriously.


That to me shows a lack of connection to other people / their comfort levels / what might embarrass them, which to me indicates poor Fi development. Horning in on someone else's space (she was not invited to stick around, but she did), then taking over their conversation / hogging all the attention / making it all about her whenever they flirted, then teasing them repeatedly while they were trying to make serious plans, essentially USING people for her own amusement is a perfect example of "selfish" Fi: I'm doing this because it amuses me, and I care nothing for their comfort levels or whether I belong here.

A mature Fi user / one with well developed Fi knows when to tease and when not to tease; when to stick around and when not to stick around; when to demand to be the center of attention and when to let other people bond; and how to try to avoid embarrassing others. Sometimes that joke is okay and sometimes it isn't. 

Learning how to tune in enough to tell the difference is the hard part. 

Hence, why I'm quiet most of the time in a mixed group.


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## PenelopeS (Jul 14, 2017)

Umm YES!!! Extremely charming people! But I have only met a few, maybe I've been lucky? :laughing:


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## star tripper (Sep 1, 2013)

angelcat said:


> That is because 70% of the stereotypes for ENFPs / those who call themselves ENFPs are actually ESFJs, although the amount of ESFPs who mistype as ENFPs are also probably fairly high. If all the sensors would climb back into their own type (avoided because of the terrible / boring / uncreative sensor stereotypes) the world would get a better read on what being an ENFP is like.
> 
> Elizabeth Bennett is probably one of the better cognitive examples of one; I also like Kenzi from LOST GIRL and Chloe from SMALLVILLE.
> 
> ...


I don't disagree my friend is generally unhealthy (whenever I bring her up on here, Lord she doesn't get good reception). There's this flavor of Fi that I don't see as universal necessarily (and imo it's usually present in aux more so than dom for some reason...) that's very self-focused. My friend is a good example of it. She has insane intrapersonal intelligence and a strong sense of when she thinks she's crossing the line. She knows when SHE thinks she's crossed the line and she knows, imo, when I think she's crossed the line. However, she prioritizes her judgment over mine because hers is "right." However her attitude is... if I think she's crossed the line, I can do whatever I want with that information. But it doesn't mean anything to HER interpretation. I'm free to do what I like just as she's free to do what she likes. So it's a very... principled show of reciprocity.

Interestingly enough, yes, I do not see it in IxFPs. Probably because their Fi takes in more information than that of ExFPs. My best friend is an INFP and she would never in a million years do what my ENFP friend did because she is so sensitive to, well, F information. She would be more concerned with respect and she would never dream of hogging even a smidgen of the spotlight (she's a wallflower anyhow). This always leads me to a conundrum when I compare the two friends. Is it that my ENFP friend has immature Fi or is it immature Ne that is unfettered by a judging function?

But yeah, the point of that story was Ne + devaluing Fe rather than a display of Fi.


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

Hahahaha. Yes I'm fucking charming hahahahahahahahahah. Ooohhh yeahhhh... Hihihi


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## AshOrLey (May 28, 2016)

Unbelievably so!


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## thislittlebluebird (Jun 29, 2017)

Yes! They are one of my weakness types, so fun and full of life  I have more close ENFJ friends and have always gotten along with that type.


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## PsychReviews (Aug 18, 2017)

As long as they don't turn from the Champions they are to the Dark Knight "be my friend OR ELSE!"


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## saltking (Aug 13, 2017)

Absolutely, find ENFP's charming.


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## Katie Tran (Apr 8, 2017)

PsychReviews said:


> As long as they don't turn from the Champions they are to the Dark Knight "be my friend OR ELSE!"


Be my friend or else.


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## MolaMola (Jul 28, 2012)

I've only met one (known) ENFP who I found to be charming, a male. However, I myself am an ENFP, so perhaps it's an issue of not wanting to commit type-cest


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## MolaMola (Jul 28, 2012)

I definitely COULD see myself getting into a relationship with an ENFP though. It just hasn't happened so far. One issue for me is that I'm really high energy...so actually, I prefer the person I'm in a relationship to be somewhat lower energy than I am (but they can still be an extrovert!) If there's too much energy, it's *toooo much* and overwhelms me/gives me a headache.

Which, come to think of it, is probably how some people view interacting with me, given that I'm a very intense and high energy person. 

My goal is to work on that aspect of myself.


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