# What causes low confidence?



## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

First off I'd like to note I had wrote the post for this thread and when I clicked to make the thread it said I had too few characters (the post was three paragraphs long). God dammit.

Anyway when talking to people about their problems I think a very common root to most issues is low confidence. Many people believe they are unequipped to handle whatever issue is troubling them or they otherwise fear things will end badly if they were to attempt to confront it. But why? The problem is that this lack of confidence is irrational. They are not actually unequipped to handle the problem they simply believe themselves to be so.

I'm looking to figure out why people have this issue. Perhaps through greater understanding of the causes one could better propose a viable solution.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

environmental factors play a large role in self confidence as a child is growing up. Not many children are nurtured to believe in themselves and often the results show through. 

there are many factors for lack of self confidence. sometimes it is out of fear of embarrassment because of a previous experience that had negative implications attached to it.

But beyond that it is much more primal. Human beings have a "flight or Fight" response in many situations. We either let our instincts tell us we are capable of doing such a thing or we chicken out and run away.



the reasons for low self-confidence are limitless, but almost all of them could be improved if society would only behave better as a whole. Sadly this is likely never going to happen.


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## DarklyValentine (Mar 4, 2010)

I dont understand the analogy.

Like many sane I's, and the odd rogue E - giggles 

Confidence in what, to speak/answer socially, interact. To be who we are or pretend that which we are not.

*wicked teleports out of this one into the arms of a corseted booted neophyte offering muffins galore (not blueberry uns as they are made by the Beezlebub himself


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## waterviolet (Apr 28, 2010)

There are too many factors to figure into this in order to come up with some clean, crisp, definate answer. You can't put emotion into a formula - you can guess but we all know that guesses are uncertain. I would have to agree that belief in one's self is probably what hinders people the most. Unless someone were to claim they were perfect then they no doubt have some type of issue (no matter how small) with self confidence. In any case to sum it up - I believe low self confidence is driven by emotion - an unpredictable factor.


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## Jelouch (Mar 28, 2010)

The world's reactions to us is a mirror of ourselves. If someone has bad results on something, it's only natural that he'll grow to be non confident. Likewise, good results make you confident. _Competence brings confidence._


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

I don't think it's always irrational...I genuinely can't take romantic intimacy - I'm not ready yet, - this leads to low-self confidence in this area, not because bad feelings and insecurities tell me I can't cope, but because I know I can't cope due to experience. I guess it's the expectation coming from experience of my reaction. Like nut allergies may lead to a rash, romantic intimacy leads me to a veriety of symptoms, none of which postive or confidence instilling.

Deep down the reaction is sort've irrational, but the low-confidence is not. Having high confidence would be very, very irrational and lead mine and others' health to be endangered.


As for general root, I think jelouch sort've has it down. I think more than competence though; balance/consistency also.

To be hurt unsettles/dents/attacks the *self*-confidence - whether negative/low self-opinion, or environmental unease/inconsistency, which essentially leads to negative/low self-opinion -, I think we underestimate the power of experience and our own sensitivity.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

I don't even believe in low confidence(Trauma is real though), people have flaws, shit happens.

It's just fear, nothing else. 

People give "confidence" too much attention, which causes anxiety, which causes problems.

What causes it, is society talking about it, and telling you to self-loath.


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## Solace (Jan 12, 2010)

Confidence is about perception:

1. How you see the world.
2. How the world sees you.
3. How you think the world sees you.

These three factors can work with or against each other and depending on the weight of one's own conscience, ability to perceive, and actions, they will react in a variety of ways that will often be interpreted as "confidence" or a lack of confidence.

The first and last are probably the most important because they are both internalized responses. The first, how you see the world, can be heavily shaded by one's objectivity, emotions, and how well they are able to naturally interact with the world around them. The last one, how one thinks they see the world, perhaps has some of the most profundities. Often times, we let ourselves be swayed by what we think everyone else thinks, or by otherwise over-psychoanalyzing a situation. This can work for both the positive and negative aspects, but is probably most notable when it is perceived as a lack of confidence.

The middle, how the world sees you, is perhaps the most objective view of reality's perception of an individual, and what we stress ourselves the most about. Incorrect analysis or perception of this leads to the third aspect, but taken in absolutely objective terms can be the most beneficial and allow someone to best adapt and integrate within a society while maintaining true individuality.

Keeping this post short. =/


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## CreativeDreams (Oct 18, 2009)

I agree with spades that confidence is about perception.
But how the world sees you, or how you see the world has little to do with it.
Ok...maybe that is not completely right. It has something to do with it, but it is not the core. 
The most important is how you see yourself.
Confidence is all in the mind. In order to build your confidence you just have to lie enough to yourself.
I encourage everyone with low confidence to talk to themselves in the mirror a few times a day.
Boost yourself up. Tell yourself you are the best, that you have what it takes. 
If you tell yourself the same things over and over,then incautiously, you will start to believe it.


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## Nynnu (Apr 22, 2010)

If one is raised and surrounded by people who can see only his / her weaknesses.... It's like a learned behavior.
Perhaps that explains why some young kids / teenagers committed suicide after they encountered with internet bullies.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Jelouch said:


> The world's reactions to us is a mirror of ourselves. If someone has bad results on something, it's only natural that he'll grow to be non confident. Likewise, good results make you confident. _Competence brings confidence._


I disagree. Someone can be extremely competent yet still have a great fear of failure.


Nynnu said:


> If one is raised and surrounded by people who can see only his / her weaknesses.... It's like a learned behavior.
> Perhaps that explains why some young kids / teenagers committed suicide after they encountered with internet bullies.


Some people view their weakness as something to be conquered.


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## Nynnu (Apr 22, 2010)

TurranMC said:


> I disagree. Someone can be extremely competent yet still have a great fear of failure.Some people view their weakness as something to be conquered.


Or... some people perceive that their weaknesses are the only things they have in their life. They'll be nobody if they try to conquer them. :wink:


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## Solace (Jan 12, 2010)

CreativeDreams said:


> I agree with spades that confidence is about perception.
> But how the world sees you, or how you see the world has little to do with it.
> Ok...maybe that is not completely right. It has something to do with it, but it is not the core.
> The most important is how you see yourself.
> ...


 I agree that a lot of confidence is about how you see yourself, but _everyone_ to a greater or lesser extent is going to be influenced by external factors (i.e. the world). The amount that one lets the outside world influence them, and the amount they _realize_ that they are being influenced by X, Y, and Z, will have a great bearing on how they see themselves and in the long term how they are able to _cope_ with feelings from each are of perception.

The difficulty with just saying “talk yourself into a confident position” is that many people may not know what to be confident about. They may perceive some strengths, but not understand how it can relate to the real world and, possibly even more importantly, how the world _perceives_ the importance of those strengths. Similarly, some people may not know what their strengths are, but are innately able to exploit those strengths “naturally;” however without fully understanding the exact reaction of the environment, they won’t be able to relate to it with the same efficiency as someone who does have that knowledge.

I would speculate that not all of these areas of perception are weighted equally, but rather based upon how we are influenced by them and how we _desire_ to influence the environment around us.

And as TurranMC brought up: fear, which is concern about how you _think_ the world sees you, can undermine the other two aspects totally.


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

Look, it is not my fault that I am so awesome people just feel like that can't compare to me. I am tired of all these rumors going around that people have no confidence because I'm too epic. Enough is enough, jeez...


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

I have a degree in psychology and I'm no closer to the answer than I was before.

There are a whole bunch of different kinds of theories and none has been accepted by everybody.

To generalize from all the theories, here are three possibilities:

1. low confidence reflects actual incompetence. A sports superstar on the other hand probably feels confident about his playing ability. If you suck at basketball, you'll have low confidence when it comes to the game.

2. low confidence has causes that are irrelevant to competence and ability. If you were born to judgmental or absent parents, trying to live up to their expectations and never feeling good enough, or if you were face with with a number of situations in the past that were not resolved, you are more likely to doubt yourself eventhough it may not be "your" fault .

3. low confidence causes incompetence. If I go into a situation being highly doubtful of my ability to handle the situation, being very pessmistic and scared, I won't do my best or pay attention.


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## CreativeDreams (Oct 18, 2009)

*I agree that a lot of confidence is about how you see yourself, but everyone to a greater or lesser extent is going to be influenced by external factors (i.e. the world). The amount that one lets the outside world influence them, and the amount they realize that they are being influenced by X, Y, and Z, will have a great bearing on how they see themselves and in the long term how they are able to cope with feelings from each are of perception.
* 
Ok maybe I got a little bit abstracted with my previous answer as it is more of a how to build confidence and not about what causes low confidence.
I agree that low confidence can be influenced by external factors, BUT, these factors wouldn't be sufficient enough to undermine your confidence, if it is focused on how you see yourself.

*The difficulty with just saying “talk yourself into a confident position” is that many people may not know what to be confident about. They may perceive some strengths, but not understand how it can relate to the real world and, possibly even more importantly, how the world perceives the importance of those strengths. Similarly, some people may not know what their strengths are, but are innately able to exploit those strengths “naturally;” however without fully understanding the exact reaction of the environment, they won’t be able to relate to it with the same efficiency as someone who does have that knowledge.

*So the real cause of low confidence is FEAR of not being accepted by others.

*I would speculate that not all of these areas of perception are weighted equally, but rather based upon how we are influenced by them and how we desire to influence the environment around us.

And as TurranMC brought up: fear, which is concern about how you think the world sees you, can undermine the other two aspects totally.
* 
Which brings me back to my first post. Confidence is all in the mind.
If you do not see yourself as - "I need to be accepted", then you can be truly confident.
Because .. then, you can live by your own standards.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> First off I'd like to note I had wrote the post for this thread and when I clicked to make the thread it said I had too few characters (the post was three paragraphs long). God dammit.
> 
> Anyway when talking to people about their problems I think a very common root to most issues is low confidence. Many people believe they are unequipped to handle whatever issue is troubling them or they otherwise fear things will end badly if they were to attempt to confront it. But why? The problem is that this lack of confidence is irrational. They are not actually unequipped to handle the problem they simply believe themselves to be so.
> 
> I'm looking to figure out why people have this issue. Perhaps through greater understanding of the causes one could better propose a viable solution.


*
It's something I never really understood either. It's like one child, who wasn't nurtured properly as Righteousbob said, could end up bullying other kids. That child who bullies other kids in order to feel better about themselves for a little while, over time, takes away all the confidence in thier victims. Most people seem to need other's opinions and can't really rely on their on. 

So when a bully comes along, using completely socially accepted ways of taking their victim down a few notches (by "teasing", it's just a joke right?). That person feels like crap and no-one has the balls to stand up to the little shit. It runs in a vicious circle, that victim could become a bully to feel better about themselves and thus - nobody has any fricken self-esteem any more! God damn parents should just love their kids properly!*


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

assbiscuits said:


> *
> It's something I never really understood either. It's like one child, who wasn't nurtured properly as Righteousbob said, could end up bullying other kids. That child who bullies other kids in order to feel better about themselves for a little while, over time, takes away all the confidence in thier victims. Most people seem to need other's opinions and can't really rely on their on.
> 
> So when a bully comes along, using completely socially accepted ways of taking their victim down a few notches (by "teasing", it's just a joke right?). That person feels like crap and no-one has the balls to stand up to the little shit. It runs in a vicious circle, that victim could become a bully to feel better about themselves and thus - nobody has any fricken self-esteem any more! God damn parents should just love their kids properly!*


It would be difficult for me to believe that being bullied will take away your confidence. I think you would get a taste of cruelty of life but that's it. If you have loving and supportive relations with friends and were raised by loving and warm family, you could get real pissed at the guy and hate him but you won't think it's YOUR FAULT that you're getting bullied. You won't personalize it. You'll see as HIS weakness that he needs to bully kids to feel good about himself. Of course if you have an abusive father that takes his anger out on you, and have a harshly critical mother, the bully is another parent like figure and you're the weak kid and then you feel that, yes, it IS all your fault.

p.s. that's just one theory so obviously I could be wrong.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

conscius said:


> It would be difficult for me to believe that being bullied will take away your confidence. I think you would get a taste of cruelty of life but that's it. If you have loving and supportive relations with friends and were raised by loving and warm family, you could get real pissed at the guy and hate him but you won't think it's YOUR FAULT that you're getting bullied. You won't personalize it. You'll see as HIS weakness that he needs to bully kids to feel good about himself. Of course if you have an abusive father that takes his anger out on you, and have a harshly critical mother, the bully is another parent like figure and you're the weak kid and then you feel that, yes, it IS all your fault.
> 
> p.s. that's just one theory so obviously I could be wrong.


*Not everyone knows that the bully is weak and just saying things that might not be true to feel like the bigger person and a lot of people do take it personally. If they didn't bullying wouldn't be a problem .

Which part is the theory?*


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

The theory is that coming from a "healthy" home you won't break down under the pressure of a bully. Unless you are led to believe that any cruelty directed at you is somehow YOUR fault, being bullied can be view as a very cruel part of life but why should it lower YOUR confidence? You may argue convincingly that at a young age children are still susceptible to the bully's cruelty because they haven't developed strong enough boundaries to maintain their confidence, one that was instilled in them by their loving parents and interacting with loving and supportive friends (hence feeling accepted). We face bullies in all age groups and situations, at school, at work, etc.


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