# Virginity?



## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

Azrael said:


> Not everyone believes that sex is "the ultimate connection."
> If you are religious, then I understand your reservations on sex; the two go hand-in-hand.
> Religion tends to obsess over this act - even ascribing divinity to it - and so it is raised on a pedestal.
> The unfortunate side-effect is that it often becomes repressed and regulated to unhealthy levels.


 
I'm too tired to argue. I just wanted to point out that there are other ways in which sex can become "unhealthy," that don't necessarily have anything to do with repression or regulation...or religion.

Keep your mind open.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Slider said:


> I'm too tired to argue. I just wanted to point out that there are other ways in which sex can become "unhealthy," that don't necessarily have anything to do with repression or regulation...or religion.


No shit. :mellow:


Slider said:


> Keep your mind open.


Right...it is. Apparently, you're "too tired to argue," but awake enough for a superficial admonition like this? :bored:


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## TheChris (May 31, 2010)

^ Ahahahaha, oh yes Azrael (awesome name by the way... angel of death, if I recall correctly), that is a perfect response. Perhaps it is because slider is so tired that s/he missed your point so completely


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## PorlockVisitor (May 18, 2010)

Azrael said:


> Virginity only matters if you buy into the archaic notion that "sex is icky.".


NO way.
I can't wait to have sex, I think it's not only beautiful but poetic.
It's also functional, it's a way to produce new life.
And it's fun, I'm sure.

But virginity is important to me, *because* I think sex is such a cool thing.
First of all, I don't want to slip up and get pregnant before I'm ready.

Second of all, ideally I'd be able to share the experience with one person for the rest of my life with no barriers. I don't want to have to worry about them comparing me to past lovers and vice versa.

Third of all, I want to be able to have kids some day who will be raised by two fully supportive parents, to have both a male and a female role model (as I'm heterosexual) to show them what love and commitment is. I don't want them to have to worry about divorce because that puts so much stress on children. (IF we're married, which I would prefer), bringing me back my second point. Any suspicion or any doubt in the parents's relationship exponentially increases the chance in the two of us splitting. 

If you think this is all stupid, I'm sorry, but from witnessing the consequences of my mother and father's actions and the effects on me, this is what I've decided is best. 
Don't discredit a person's desire to maintain their virginity as being prudish or overly zealous about religion.


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

Azrael said:


> No shit. :mellow:
> 
> Right...it is. Apparently, you're "too tired to argue," but awake enough for a superficial admonition like this? :bored:


Yeah. That part was easy. I thought you may have forgotten.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

mysterysolved said:


> NO way.
> I can't wait to have sex, I think it's not only beautiful but poetic.
> It's also functional, it's a way to produce new life.
> And it's fun, I'm sure.
> ...


Mmm, you are right to point that out.
I can certainly respect and appreciate this perspective. :happy:


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## PorlockVisitor (May 18, 2010)

Azrael said:


> Mmm, you are right to point that out.
> I can certainly respect and appreciate this perspective. :happy:


Thank you.



aranae said:


> i think the catholic church has some very messed up ideas about sex- i.e. priests not being able to marry, we've seen the evil that has caused, and people only being able to have sex to have kids, not to enjoy.


No. Just... no.
I was raised in the Catholic church. Though I'm currently not practicing, I'm certainly knowledgeable when it comes to the teachings.
The things you just said are misrepresentations. I would be happy to explain, however I don't think that would relevant to this thread...
Which makes me question why you even wrote that.

Don't "just make observations" about things you're ignorant of.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

The thread starter has a very valid point. Admittedly, I'm a bit afraid to lose my virginity (performance anxiety brought about by seeing the expectations for males so much and realizing that I can't measure up). I'm also considering keeping mine until I'm older so that I'll be able to judge better, because I'm full of raging hormones and filled with very conflicted thoughts and emotions. My girlfriend's going back to Africa in a week, and I can't decide whether or not to have sex with her. We've seen each other naked, and even touched, but we've never really done much other than that. I seriously think I should keep mine simply because I want to make sure that she is the right girl. What do you guys think?


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## SenRyuu (May 25, 2010)

Do you love her? If so, i think it's not a bad idea. If you're both ready, then go for it!


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## G0dzuki (Jun 1, 2010)

> I really wish feminism would stop demonizing guys...


I have to agree. I'm a Feminist myself and one thing I have noticed is that this is a common complaint from many other Feminists. If you decide to be a Feminist, please remember that it is Pro-woman... NOT anti-man. ^_^

As for the whole sex and marriage and God and blah blah blah. Sex for me... I suppose it can be special under certain circumstances, but at the same time I have had several one night stands and it was FUN! It was entertainment and a stress killer and it was FUN! Virginity is just a title for that purity crap, which I do not buy. I'm also one of those people who does not plan on getting married because I see absolutely no point in it. If someone can give me a logical reason for getting married that benefits me, I might consider it.


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## Jinxies (May 5, 2010)

aranae said:


> I must disagree with you, vehemently.
> 
> I think sex is awesome, well, at least I've heard it is. I happen to believe that God created sex as an amazing gift for a husband to wife- the ultimate connection that is based on making the ultimate commitment.
> 
> i mean, everyone knows that sex is the most intimate thing you can do with another human being. and marriage is the most intimate commitment you can make with another human being, it makes sense that they go together, that the commitment comes first, then the connection.


Hmm, I can appreciate your perspective and your thoughts, if you have these beliefs and are happy with them, good for you. 

Personally, I was raised Catholic and grew up with the stigma that sex was bad, sex was dirty. Sex should be done in the dark... I suffered from anorgasmia which is the inability for a woman to reach orgasm and while other factors can cause it... a primary factor is mental blockage. It took me and my sexual revolution to grow out of that. 

Sex is intimate and it can be a very special connection, but it doesn't have to be. We're animals. We were built to reproduce. There are plenty of little chemical actions that go on in humans to drive them toward sex and reproduction. 

I love sex, I have it as often as I can and I sometimes have it with men I care absolutely nothing about. Granted, caring makes it more special, but sometimes you just need the activity. 

Also, I am agnostic, but I will say that if there was a god, I don't really think he'd care about some piece of paper our societies created to prove we were mated. Mating takes place in the heart and mind, not on a piece of paper. Marriage, in my opinion, is a financially obligating document made between two people for benefits of taxes, purchases, loans and insurance. Our society is based around a man and woman being "legally" linked together. 

When I choose a mate, it's what I feel and what I think, it's nothing that can be remotely influenced by a piece of paper. So I completely disagree with you on the subject of marriage. 

I also believe that a man and woman should always have sex prior to marriage. Sexual compatibity is extremely important in a relationship and I've seen way too many end because after a few years, the life in the bedroom just isn't strong enough to keep the emotional attachment. 

While I don't want my daughters to start having sex at a young age, I started at 15. I know it happens. You can bet I'm going to tell them to make sure they sleep with the man they want to spend their life with before they sign a contract binding themself to him financially.


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## Dallas (Nov 7, 2009)

I think virginity is important because I've made it so. Mysterysolved basically said everything I would have, so I don't have much to add, other than my reasoning really isn't religious either (I'm a Deist.) I'm so unbelievably excited to be able to share my body with just one person, especially to let them know that they don't have to be compared to anyone else. I don't particularly mind so much if my partner isn't a virgin, but the symbolism in letting my wife know that she was so important to me that I'd wait before I even knew her is just a notion that's close to my heart; that I wouldn't want to be with anyone but her.


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## Killian (Jun 4, 2010)

Jinxies said:


> Also, I am agnostic, but I will say that if there was a god, I don't really think he'd care about some piece of paper our societies created to prove we were mated. Mating takes place in the heart and mind, not on a piece of paper. Marriage, in my opinion, is a financially obligating document made between two people for benefits of taxes, purchases, loans and insurance. Our society is based around a man and woman being "legally" linked together.
> 
> When I choose a mate, it's what I feel and what I think, it's nothing that can be remotely influenced by a piece of paper. So I completely disagree with you on the subject of marriage.


*laughs like a mad woman*

Thank you! Damn, I thought I was the only one who thought a piece of _paper_ with words from the government to prove it's a real mating. Ugh. And if it really had meaning in it, then there wouldn't be divorces. At least, not as many nor as easy to obtain as they are in today's culture.

But... Well, on the subject on virginity... I'm still a virgin, due to both my youth and fear. My fear is not inspired by religion or any of that stuff--I was raised in an agnostic, rather open family. I mean, yeah, if I told my mom 'Oh, I want to have sex at the age of fourteen' she'd probably smack me and tell me I'd better wait a couple years... Maybe. Actually, I don't know, my mom's pretty open.

Anyway, I am one of those people that think sex is 'icky' but mostly because... Well, it just seems really gross to me. If you're a girl, there's this thing and it's being shoved up your vagina and it's gonna hurt like hell if you aren't 'prepared' and I've heard it still hurts like hell if your a virgin. And since I don't do discomfort, I don't want sex. And if you're a guy... Your dick is being pushed inside this thing and it's wet and to me that doesn't sound appealing. And I'm gonna stop now because I'm squicking myself out.

HOWEVER, other people like it. They can have it. It's their choice and their preference. I mean, maybe it is an enjoyable experience--It's not like anyone can control bodily and psychological reactions. I mean, telling someone 'sex is bad' won't change if they like it or not. Like telling someone else 'sex is great' won't change another person's ideas that it isn't.

I probably don't make much sense but, in the original issue of virginity (before the extreme antiman rant), society has built up an image that men are all horny and woman should wait till marriage but few people are going to follow that.

Actually, I'm going off topic again, to rant. About how unfair it is that people only think of rapists as men. When a guy is raped by a girl, it's like it's nothing. Because they should've enjoyed it or it wasn't rape since it was a guy or some other shit. That irks me. Think of the mental scarring on the poor man! So, he should be 'physically stronger'... That's like telling a woman she wasn't _really_ raped because she was small enough to escape. (Which is a very stupid excuse, but I couldn't think of anything else.)

Some women are stronger than men, some men aren't that strong anyway, and hell, fear and shock can stun men just as much as it can stun women.

Yes, rape is, by definition, forced entry into another person's privates (actually, I think it's just a person) and it's hard for a woman to force herself _into_ a man. But what do they want? Another word? A different definition? Like, maybe, I dunno, forced sexual intercourse? Which sounds worse to you?

A man raped by a man is treated more like rape than a man raped by a woman because, for some reason, women just can't rape or hurt men because of a stupid double standard. I read somewhere that they weren't going to charge a woman to rape a man until they found out she shoved a dildo up the man's butt and it was bruised/torn. That's what it took to admit she raped him.

Now, I'm stopping because this is really, really, really off-topic and I've gotta go. >.> So, sorry for the rant... But sexism bugs me. And the beginning post becomes just as sexist as the people who claim men can't be raped.


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## Macrosapien (Apr 4, 2010)

Having multiple sex partners is not something that appeals to me.


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## Antithesis (May 10, 2010)

I think virginity is important, at least for a girl. You are basically allowing someone_ into _your body. What could involve more trust and physical intimacy than that? It's not necessarily about emotional intimacy but it can be physically quite frightening and overwhelming at first. Not to mention that if you have a bad experience at first like I did, you find it very hard to trust someone in the same way again.


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## Rayne (Apr 28, 2010)

G0dzuki said:


> I have to agree. I'm a Feminist myself and one thing I have noticed is that this is a common complaint from many other Feminists. If you decide to be a Feminist, please remember that it is Pro-woman... NOT anti-man. ^_^
> 
> As for the whole sex and marriage and God and blah blah blah. Sex for me... I suppose it can be special under certain circumstances, but at the same time I have had several one night stands and it was FUN! It was entertainment and a stress killer and it was FUN! Virginity is just a title for that purity crap, which I do not buy. I'm also one of those people who does not plan on getting married because I see absolutely no point in it. If someone can give me a logical reason for getting married that benefits me, I might consider it.


The problem with feminism is it wants 'equality' for women, not equality for everyone.


Killian said:


> And if you're a guy... Your dick is being pushed inside this thing and it's wet and to me that doesn't sound appealing.


lol


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## Macrosapien (Apr 4, 2010)

Antithesis said:


> I think virginity is important, at least for a girl. You are basically allowing someone_ into _your body. What could involve more trust and physical intimacy than that? It's not necessarily about emotional intimacy but it can be physically quite frightening and overwhelming at first. Not to mention that if you have a bad experience at first like I did, you find it very hard to trust someone in the same way again.


It's important for guys too... but I agree it is more important for females.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

The importance of my virginity was cast aside by my curiosity of sex. My curiosity caused me to later to decide to lose my virginity in the less then ideal matter. In hind sight I kind of wished I lost it another way. But it sort of was a mixed blessing that I did it. Now I don't care much about sex and I don't have to worry about dying without know what sex is like. The only thing that might have kept me from losing my virginity would have been having a girlfriend that wanted to wait. But never had one so things ended up this.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

You had valid points and then went radical feminist on us.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Antithesis said:


> I think virginity is important, at least for a girl. You are basically allowing someone_ into _your body. What could involve more trust and physical intimacy than that? It's not necessarily about emotional intimacy but it can be physically quite frightening and overwhelming at first. Not to mention that if you have a bad experience at first like I did, you find it very hard to trust someone in the same way again.


I suppose it's also important for gay and bisexual men when they first have anal sex as well.


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