# Share your office stories.



## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

I worked in an office throughout the 2000's and some of the '10s. It sucked, shitty managers, cubicles, etc. To me The Office and Office Space may as well be documentaries. But those years were pretty formative, and a lot happened to me in that beige building.

Like for instance, that one time where I was bored and pranked everybody by making a fake re-organization seating chart, carefully arranged so that people were sitting in the worst places and across the worst people, and implied by their cubicle proximity they were working for their nightmare manager. I printed that sucker out and left it sit there to be found, as if a manager had forgotten about it. There was panic and turmoil in the ranks. That was a fun week.

Do you have any office stories to tell?


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Oh, a few years back, we managed to sneak a co-workers car keys off him and moved his car. Someone actually got a video of him looking around for it.


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

Toward the end of my career, I had a fantastic office. Roomy and all by myself. Well, at around 2:15pm, an earthquake hit. I heard the building creaking, the floor under my feet was moving, the walls of my office were moving. It only lasted a few seconds. I got up from my desk, opened my office door and the INFP down the hall came out of his office and yelled at me "What WAS THAT?". I said "Earthquake." And the INFP took off to check on the adjoining rooms.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I was working in a data center and I was running cable above a rack, while two of my co-workers were working in another rack in a different row. This woman had a habit of wearing jeans without a belt and well, she was squatting down working low in the rack when there was another tech working up high on a ladder. He clipped a zip tie, and I SWEAR, the clipping dropped straight down the back of her pants and right into her ass crack. She jumped back nearly 15 feet and screamed. I nearly fell off the ladder I was on.


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

A co-worker was out on vacation for a week, he was known to have a lot of pictures in his office, of himself, his family, vacations, etc. I brought in some black and brown construction paper and some tape and scissors. I made a sign, "Mustache Workshop", cut a few mustaches out and stuck them on the faces in the photos with tape just to get it started, by the time he came back all his photos had extra hair added in all kinds of creative ways.

Fun more on the good natured side, that wasn't always the case.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

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@Whippit you're a prankster?!

I wish this was just a thread about pranks and not offices, because I would tell you about a running joke my family has involving a terrifying, nude doll we call SC (Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz....apparently they only had Ken bodies). I've mailed him to my own house (addressed to my sister) sitting up in a box holding a knife with a note that said YOU'RE NEXT. I wrapped him up and gave him to another sister at her wedding shower in front of many not privy to the joke. He's been on top of the Christmas tree Christmas morning. Taken by a new husband on a honeymoon as a surprise. Etc etc.

As soon as my depression lifted a few weeks ago, the first thing I did was this photo shoot. I framed and hung this 8x10 in place of my senior portrait I had torn up and thrown away months prior. 

It's only a matter of time before they notice it there among all the family photos.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

What, sensitive content!  How does it know that.


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

@AnneM Lol, That works too, I don't care too much about keeping OT, unless somebody isn't playing nice. That doll should definitely be catagorized as a weapon of terror.

I used to be a prankster when I was young and had more bottled fire in me. Seems to have worked itself out of my system. I have the memories, I suppose.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@Whippit technically my mom's house is my office. Unfortunately. She keeps trying to fire me for working too fast and well because she keeps thinking I'm manic. I told her well whatever. If I go psycho again at least you'll have a clean house, woman.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

An ex-boss used to sexually harass women so I was warned about it. The first time he tried it on me, I made fun of his dick. He laughed his head off, told the story to everyone who would listen and from there, he treated me with respect. A posterchild ESTP.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

mia-me said:


> An ex-boss used to sexually harass women so I was warned about it. The first time he tried it on me, I made fun of his dick. He laughed his head off, told the story to everyone who would listen and from there, he treated me with respect. A posterchild ESTP.


That's why I love ESTPs.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Oh I have stories. Most of which I've told to various people throughout the years but one I think that would be appropriate for PerC would be...

Well I used to own and operate a prop trading company and I was the... entrepreneur of the "start up" and we had just opened a commodities desk and hired a trader with his Series 3 license with the appropriate number of years of experience to actually trade commodities futures and my firm had the capital to also take delivery of a contract if exercised. Well, the guy was good, a little too good in fact and we ended up with 10 contracts of oil futures which were exercised under the company's possession. That's 10,000 barrels of oil that were on that Friday afternoon being unloaded off an oil tanker and being shipped (by truck) to our office by Saturday morning. Also, contrary to the amount the oil doesn't actually include the barrels, as that costs extra. So we ended up having to store 10,000 barrels of oil in the parking lot and hope the city didn't find out and fine the heck out of me.

Well, that was a long weekend and we ended up selling all of it to some local refineries, which worked out perfectly since they could also use the barrels after taking delivery. After all was said and done, we even managed to make a tidy profit on the sale, which goes to speak how good a price those contracts were, but man was that a stressful weekend. Good times though and it has a happy (or at least ended up being the least worst) ending so it's an easy one to tell to people. 🙂 Oh, and the people working at the refineries I explained the situation to were so impressed with the trader that all the refineries that heard the story hired him on as a full time trader and technical consultant. So I didn't even have to punish the guy in any way.

So actually that story does have a happy ending for all involved. Eventually anyway.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@Scoobyscoob I'm pretty sure no one can relate to that story.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

AnneM said:


> @Scoobyscoob I'm pretty sure no one can relate to that story.


Well it's the only interesting and PG story I can think of involving working in an office. I have some bawdy stories but I really, REALLY shouldn't share those here as I wouldn't want my wife to hear about it then be pissed off at me. 

Oh well I guess there is one. In the very first days of starting up the firm, we... or rather I, actually rented out a brand new office building and all of the originals were designing the layout. Originally all of us wanted an open space office, complete with a kitchen and a Bloomberg Terminal if someone for some reason needed access to the Bloomberg Portal. Well, within maybe two weeks of starting the office we had to abandon the open space idea because we were hiring so many people. So we did some more brainstorming and found out that in essence we didn't want cubicles was more the case. So we ended up with rows and rows of workstations and an area with a few BB Terminals in the back. At one point there were so many people in the office that was running 24/7 in shifts and some people who didn't have a place to live were sleeping and cooking in the office and showering at the Y. Crazy times. Good times but also kind of hectic at the beginning.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

AnneM said:


> That's why I love ESTPs.


If you're afraid of them, they'll be jerks and keep stomping on you. If you push them back with humor, they'll love you for life.


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

I am going to swap the word "Office" for "Tech Workshop" (it did contain 2 offices to be fair).

One lovely morning, I was minding my own business. My Staff Sgt came to me and handed me over a sprog to take care of for the day and told me to "keep him busy". I asked the sprog if he knew what a 430 was. To my delight he replied that he didn't. So I told him to go over to the REME detachment and ask for the spare tyres for the 430. I pointed him in the direction of the REME detachment and off he went, eager to please. For those of you who do not know Military vehicles, the 430 is a tracked vehicle and does not have tyres.

4 or 5 hours, my Staff Sgt found me and asked me where the sprog was. I replied that I had no idea. I then had to explain when I last saw him. My Staff Sgt just sighed and shook his head, then dragged me off with him to the REME detachment. The REME Staff Sgt had told the sprog he needed to go to another department to get him a "long stand for the motorcycle before he can hand over the tyres". We ended up going from department to department, shaking our heads at how gullible the sprog was. A couple of hours later, we eventually found him on another camp, at the top of a steep road with a pallet truck from our QM department taking it for an MOT and Service.

If you don't know what a pallet truck is:


And no, they don't require MOT or servicing in a garage.

My Staff Sgt was more pissed off at the sprog than me, so all was good.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

mia-me said:


> If you're afraid of them, they'll be jerks and keep stomping on you. If you push them back with humor, they'll love you for life.


It doesn't matter. God has never given me an ESTP to play with. 😪 but it sure would be grand. All I do is push people around with humor. That is literally all I do. 

But I would have to trade my mother for the ESTP.....because, as an INTP, she would have a heart attack. She likes me better when I'm depressed and staring at the wall. She got mad at me yesterday because I wanted to keep my chiweenie here with me. If I have one friend over (hahahahaha what friends), she'll accuse me of having a party. Sorry, @ENIGMA2019 you can't come over til my mom goes somewhere and she never goes anywhere (5). But maybe if you carried a stack of books and wore some glasses and told her we were going to talk about Evagrius.....


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

AnneM said:


> It doesn't matter. God has never given me an ESTP to play with. but it sure would be grand. All I do is push people around with humor. That is literally all I do.
> 
> But I would have to trade my mother for the ESTP.....because, as an INTP, she would have a heart attack. She likes me better when I'm depressed and staring at the wall. She got mad at me yesterday because I wanted to keep my chiweenie here with me. If I have one friend over (hahahahaha what friends), she'll accuse me of having a party. Sorry, @ENIGMA2019 you can't come over til my mom goes somewhere and she never goes anywhere (5). But maybe if you carried a stack of books and wore some glasses and told her we were going to talk about Evagrius.....


From what little I've seen of you, you'd hit it off with ESTP males. They can be a lot of fun.

One body builder ESTP out of the blue, sent me a nude of himself from behind. It was genuinely an innocent action since all he wanted was someone to admire how much work he put into his body, rather than anything sexual. /facepalm and laughter

They can be so uninhibited!!!


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@mia-me I KNOW RIIIIIGHT???? That's what I have been saying all along!!!!! But where is this person??!!!!! ESTPs don't hang out on PerC. Well, except for @ENIGMA2019 .


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

@mia-me I just have to be clear here in case an ESTP sees this: I think body building is GROSS and I don't want nude pics!!! I just want to go 80s dancing or do karaoke or something.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

AnneM said:


> @mia-me I just have to be clear here in case an ESTP sees this: I think body building is GROSS and I don't want nude pics!!! I just want to go 80s dancing or do karaoke or something.


Same, this isn't a solitication for nudes. It made me laugh because it was so unexpected but good on him for putting in the work for something he was into. No knocking since different strokes, et al.


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## AnneM (May 29, 2019)

mia-me said:


> Same, this isn't a solitication for nudes. It made me laugh because it was so unexpected but good on him for putting in the work for something he was into. No knocking since different strokes, et al.


Well, my version of that is I would send them a pic of this 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle I just worked. 

Isn't it so super special that I can turn any thread into a thread about my nonexistent love life? So super cool.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

AnneM said:


> It doesn't matter. God has never given me an ESTP to play with. 😪 but it sure would be grand. All I do is push people around with humor. That is literally all I do.
> 
> But I would have to trade my mother for the ESTP.....because, as an INTP, she would have a heart attack. She likes me better when I'm depressed and staring at the wall. She got mad at me yesterday because I wanted to keep my chiweenie here with me. If I have one friend over (hahahahaha what friends), she'll accuse me of having a party. Sorry, @ENIGMA2019 you can't come over til my mom goes somewhere and she never goes anywhere (5). But maybe if you carried a stack of books and wore some glasses and told her we were going to talk about Evagrius.....


I see I was summoned here and not sure why...








 I have both. (book shelves/cases, boxes and such of books and I am known to own/wear glasses.... ) Or is this an ESTP call? You may have dialed the wrong #


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## John B Williams (Jun 6, 2021)

Full of data entry work, I'm fed up with it


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I've already talked about it here--so sorry if it's repeated but it's kind of dumb and funny imo.

I used to have a crush on my boss, and I didn't have to work in the office but in the field, but I did have to occasionally come in to the office for meetings and to check in and every time I would, I would have these horrible panic feelings related to how I had a crush on him, like I'd sweat and blush a lot, and I always worried about making a fool of myself.

Well one day we all had a big office day where everyone was there and there were all these meetings, and we also had a lunch or something. At some point lunch ended and I was trying to figure out what to do with these frozen popsicles, so someone was like "why don't you take them upstairs to the meeting to see if they want any before it starts."

So I went to the meeting with popsicles, which was awkward and weird enough to try to hand out popsicles to a bunch of men in suits, and then I just sat down and joined the meeting. And I sat there for like ten minutes, and tried to act natural, even though I was super overwhelmed. This guy next to me had some kind of BO like an aroma--and I remember thinking it smelled really good. 

So I was sitting there like an idiot, trying to figure out what to do with the fucking melting popsicles and unable to pay attention to the meeting at all, but trying to look super casual and then I realized about ten minutes in that it was not my meeting...that it was for the salesmen...and I was just randomly sitting in a room with a bunch of people I didn't know. So then I got embarrassed and left.

It was very annoying.

But I used to have to work out before I came to the office because I would just not be able to focus at all. 

I didn't eat a popsicle or anything, like that would be really ridiculous but if it's ever made into some weird porn film I can see how that would work better for the plot. 

It was just the weirdest situation. And of course the salesmen did notice I was in the wrong meeting and laughed as well, and was like "yeah I was wondering why you were in here." 

But one of my favorite things about my boss is he didn't micromanage me, so I almost never had to be around him.


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

To preface, I was young at the time, 20, and unhappily married, it happened way to young for me. Working full time in an office setting, when a gorgeous Russian woman got hired and put in a cubicle across from me in the back corner of the office. Oh, and I was also very naive, and very uncomfortable with being unhappy being married. And also I was never particularly attractive or a ladies man. So when this woman started putting the moves on me, I was at first really confused.

I helped her get caught up with what she needed to know to do her job. She'd talk to me a lot about her home country, we went on break together, chatted across the hall. I was very attracted to her, but just assumed our interactions were wholesome friendship stuff. Even when she told me she thought I was Indian, and she used to watch Baliwood films at home and was also attracted to Indian men, wanted to "try them out". Even when she'd get way too close to me when showing me something on the computer. And even when she brought in a Victoria's Secret catalog and asked me what I thought she might look good in.

It must have been very frustrating for her, because I mostly felt guilty I was feeling lustful and thought I was wishfully imagining things, but she was putting the full moves on and trying hard. I finally got the point when we and two others went on the road together and had to stay at a hotel and share rooms, the men with the men and the women the women. She whispered to me in the car ride, "It would be nice if you could swap rooms with [female co-worker], so we could be in the same room together." I only barely got that message, didn't even attempt to do a room swap, was too petrified with the idea of it, and conflicted with how much I wanted it.

When we got back I decided to talk to her one on one, and she openly admitted that she wanted to have sex with me, and made very explicit descriptions of things that she can do. I was taken aback and agreed to a rendezvous at a hotel. Then upon further thought after our conversation I gave her a note telling her that I couldn't do it, and that didn't think we were in love, and that I owed it to my wife to not cheat, and break it off cleanly if I was going to be with somebody else. She wrote back saying that she was uncomfortable about what I was saying, and that she just wanted to sleep with me, if I didn't want to, that's fine. Lol.

Looking back, and talking to people, she was sleeping with potentially a couple people. Dunno if it was a hobby, or a job insurance thing. I'd like to think she enjoyed my company and wanted to pay it back.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

@Whippit I can't help but imagine her as some kind of James Bond spy, maybe I watched too many Rocky and Bullwinkle as a kid.  That sounds so uncomfortable! God!


-------
I was single when I had a crush on my boss, but he had a girlfriend and I always tried to act normal, which I think was why it was so anxiety inducing.

But he was always really respectful and kind and I think that's partly why I was attracted to him. Only once I remember I was worried about my performance, so I asked him if he had any suggestions etc. and he said that if he could have an entire team of just me, he'd be super lucky, because I was the most productive on the team.
But he only said it in private, he didn't treat anyone else on the team rudely and was always pretty nice to everyone. I had gotten out of a relationship which had a lot of criticism on me all the time, and I was used to being micromanaged and even told things like that I was a fuck up, that I drove like I had a big I painted on my head for "idiot" and other lovely things, so I think it was just so surprising to be around a man in authority who actually was nice to me and gave me space so I could do well.

I've worked around men...and I did work with other men too, and fortunately none of them were very unkind though this one kind of weird guy (or I got kind of weirded out by him) creeped me out a bit--he kept talking about how he liked um...that Hispanic singer Shakira and I reminded him of her or something (which I am hispanic but it is weird to be fetishized--like that lady who wanted to rtry out indian men and you weren't even indian LOL), but I always felt safe around my boss. It was kind of a hard job and it wasn't that safe so it was really nice having a supportive boss who never had anything critical to say to me about it except "you have to take a lunch break." I guess it goes to show having a nice boss can actually be far more motivating than a rude one, especially if you also have a crush on him. My boss was Filipino and I did go through a stage at the time where I suddenly found Filipino men generally attractive because of my boss, so I get it, but it's kind of weird.

And of course, my comment about her being a Russian spy sounds ignorant enough when I'm complaining about ethnic fetishizing.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I also just realized that man, with the roles reversed with the Russian woman...like if she was a guy and you were the woman, that would be something that she would/should get fired for a hundred times, though I guess she wasn't your boss, which would have made it worse.

It sounds uncomfortable enough as is. But just thinking about how I felt uncomfortable with the Shakira thing...and just the vibe of the guy idk...but the Russian woman went way over the top.


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

@WickerDeer I get what you are saying about ethinic fetishization and non symmetrical treatment of genders in predatory sexuality in the workplace. IDK, it's a big subject, and people in the workplace are adults who definitely deserve respect as co-workers, but also are human above that and do want to get their freak on. I don't feel like I was being harassed, mostly because I wasn't offended, and if I asked her to stop, she would have. I guess if I got that kind of attention from every female in the building, I'd probably really stress out and feel like I was in a toxic environment, so where's the line?

As far as ethnic fetishiztion, as far as somebody hearing my story imagining a spy or something, you haven't heard all of it. As time went on I learned that she is married, but was a "mail order bride". She has a Russian boyfriend who is a gangster and visits regularly, usually for buying products for the Russian black market. She was known for wearing designer clothing, like Dolce and Gucci, etc. At an earlier point in her career she worked as a glamour girl (escort?) in China. True femme fatale energy there.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

@Whippit maybe it's really lucky you didn't sleep with her--she sounds like she probably knows how to strangle men with her thighs or has knives in the heels of her stilettos, or else her Russian gangster boyfriend might have recruited you into the black market, maybe enslaving you into being a captive Bollyood performer or something.

It sounds like quite an office adventure though--probably nice to have a break from the monotony. 

Yeah, I always felt sort of weird because I've had crushes on my boss and also university teachers, and I understand there's an inherent power imbalance there, but at the same time everyone is an adult and humans are sexual creatures. However, they have always been professional--it might even be that it is a barrier so I felt more comfortable having the attraction since there would be more barriers to actually doing anything.

I did go out with a university teacher later on, when I wasn't in university (and he wasn't ever my teacher) but...it's kind of creepy because later on I looked him up (I never had a romantic or sexual relationship or anything--I was just kind of unsure of anything and tried being "friends" from a dating site, but it got exhausting since I am not a nun and I didn't think we'd be compatible so I didn't want to act on it...but the creepy thing I looked him up online later and someone had set up an actual website to collect information on the "dirty teacher" asking people to send anonymous tips about him. He never did anything to me but he did have kinks and I think that he was sort of in a vulnerable place with his reputation as a teacher. I mean, I have no idea if he did do something inappropriate to others, but I think him just being open about his kinks probably put him more at risk of slander. I can only imagine if he went on a date with one of his students. But I also feel like in some ways teachers sort of have this higher expectation of them, that they should be perfect moral rolemodels on behalf of society, even if they are just teaching some kind of science. Who knows.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I don’t really have many office stories.

Anytime Ive been in administrative positions, I’ve spent very little time in offices. I was always on location. Having meetings. Trainings. I didn’t have much extra time for socializing with many coworkers because I was always on the go or in between activities.

The exception was the last position I had I actually did work straight out of the office. I didn’t really care for it. I didn’t have any major issue with anyone who worked directly in the office to be clear. I just get really weird in the environment. My office mate often goofed off and looked at Facebook and fucked around half the morning looking up what to order from grub hub. She wasn’t really alone in this, that was how many of the other people there were too. I just am so task oriented and was so used to constant on the move, their very not intense work style sorta stunned me 🤣. My boss even told me I didn’t have to work that hard. (wth 🤣).


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

I've spent very little time in offices. However, once I had a fairly high profile position. I shared an office with a man who held a similar position.

One day, two very polite young men came in and closed the office door, which seemed odd. They told us they were from X group and would be holding us hostage. The man I shared the office with calmly requested that I be allowed to leave because I had to pick my daughter up from school (which was true).

(My office mate was not a nice person in some ways, but at least he did that for me.)

So they just let me go. They asked me not to talk to the authorities about what was happening, but of course I did.

They held my office mate for a few days, tying him up in a chair and putting explosives in the door. But they let his daughter bring him clean clothes and stuff. There were police on the roof and it was an international incident.

If they hadn't let me go, I guess I would have a more interesting story to tell.


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## wimbledublin (Jan 9, 2022)

in the department I work in, there is one main boss, and he has two assistants. the main boss and one of the assistants are friendly, but the other one always gives me dark looks, and acts as if i'm bothering her when I ask her for help. I call her BBB - blonde bitch boss. i try and keep out of her way, and don't engage with her, since apparently i'm low and why should she care if she despises me so much.


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## orsolyahim (4 mo ago)

Well, I'm not sure that this office story, but in times of covid we decided to make garden rooms for our team at the home of one of our coworkers, in times of pandemic we thought that it would be a nice idea to work together from one place but, we had quarantine rooms. We didn't speak with each other face to face. It was funny and only during the summer period. Thanks to these guys, https://www.gardenrooms.scot, who helped us a lot with building these small garden rooms where we were working in times of COVID-19 pandemic lockdown. I hope my story was interesting, have a good one, gents!


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## Aarya (Mar 29, 2016)

Nothing major, but I enjoyed being erratic and there not being anyone I could upset with watching Youtube videos without earbuds or eating some slightly smellier-than-usual home-cooked meal.

I was left alone in a big office all by myself throughout 2020 because of the pandemic and employees doing rotas.
My colleague then was on field, and my boss was in his nearby office.

Got bored, finished my work and didn't tell him, so I did some stretches and exercises around the office and on the office floor. Then, I drew a dragon on half of the main writing board, which survived for roughly 6 months... what'ya gonna do.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

And when the boss came he said: "It looks like someone did weird incantation stuff here, black magic duh, I tell you".


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