# What type of people do you attract?



## Zosio (Mar 17, 2015)

I usually attract the "outsiders" -- people who generally feel like they don't fit in with the people that they are surrounded with. I suppose that makes sense, considering how sympathetic I can be to their plight.


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## kittenbells (Apr 2, 2015)

Mirkwood said:


> But how often does it happen that you dont meet someone like that?, also what is your involvement. I doudt people just approach you and then open up?, without you also somehow wanting to speak with the person.
> 
> Asking because this reminds me of something ive read. How for example people say they always get bird poo on them, but fail to see all the times they dont.


Well obviously it is more often than not however I have seen a pattern of people opening up to me fairly quickly then telling me I'm easy to open up to, talking to me calms them down, etc etc.

Just today a girl I have only had one full conversation with (which wasn't even 1 on 1) cried to me about being in and out of foster care and how she wishes she just had a secure mother figure, then hugged me goodbye (she's outwardly stated she doesn't do hugs), and said it was good to finally get it off her chest.
This is a girl who has a rep as being a bitch, careless, rock solid, ect., and she just broke down into tears. It may have just been right place right time but....

Anyway, it's not as if I go out of my way to be standoffish, and I do ask people who look down in the dumps why they're sad and if they'd like to talk, but I don't do anything excessively out of the ordinary. I feel I may just give off empathy rather than sympathy. It's not like I get affected when other people get sad, if I did I would be in shambles because I can read people's emotions like a book, however I do genuinely like helping people feel better once it's gotten to the point where they've open up.

Even then though, I don't know what I did to make them choose me to open up to, or what I said during to make them feel like I've been especially supportive.


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## outofplace (Dec 19, 2012)

Miharu said:


> I normally attract either creeps or guys I just really don't like. /shrug
> I don't have tangible crushes so.. been single since birth.


I can relate to the first sentence. So true, for me.

Also, I use to attract toxic people such as narcississtic personality types. I've gotten much better now (over the years) that I know the signs to watch out for.


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## angelcarnivore (Apr 15, 2015)

I get *everyone*, but I get batches of the same type that's the opposite of my mood.

I'm feeling serious- and all the jokers appear out of the woodwork to needle me.

I'm feeling playful- and the snotty people start rolling their eyes.

My instinct is to adapt to whomever I am interacting with- so it's really annoying.

When I'm in a GREAT mood, however, I get great people. I only get the terrible people when they sense they hold the dominant mood, I think. So that's probably why I am super lovey optimistic as self-defense. Like, aggressively.

It's tiring, but what can you do? I hate people trying to influence my mood with theirs. if their mood is crappy.


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## Rala (Apr 1, 2015)

All of my boyfriends and crashes have been INFJs, and one INTJ


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## Tezcatlipoca (Jun 6, 2014)

It seems to be opposite ends of the spectrum to me. Intxs and exfps. Weird!


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## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

outofplace said:


> I can relate to the first sentence. So true, for me.
> 
> Also, I use to attract toxic people such as narcississtic personality types. I've gotten much better now (over the years) that I know the signs to watch out for.


Oh, I can't stand those narcissistic guys - but only when they have nothing to be narcissistic about.


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## Macrosapien (Apr 4, 2010)

kittenbells said:


> I have noticed a pattern in the types of people whom I attract. A very prominent one is people who are mentally unstable. I've had so many people open up to me about their anxiety, depression, home life, etc. etc., and then admit that they don't usually open up to people like that. I don't know what it is, I don't go out of my way to be especially kind or open, but people seem to feel as if they can confide in me, and feel as if I've genuinely made them feel better.
> 
> Do you see a pattern in the type of people you attract?
> If so, what kind of people?
> Do you know why?


 
I'm about the same, in part. I attract two different people, probably 3, but the third is unnoticed to me now. But I attract people who has been unfortunately broken by this world, they have a range of experiences, having been abused in various ways, or they are depressed, have anxiety, OCD, and other things of this nature. Many of these are not broken, but they have been hurt, so they are unstable to some degree. 

The other are people who are really intellectually sound but also very mystical and spiritual/religious, in the best way possible. Very smart, and are into a higher need or aspirations of a more a refined character. These are people, often of a different class of life, call them the modern day Intelligentsia.

The third which I do remember, are people who are really living some real mundane and questionable lifestyles. I'm suggesting sexually and drugs. I don't do drugs, and I am celibate, and I don't really care too much about sex (but im still a man, so will see how long that last), but some of these people, they think I am like them, and it is always a strange thing, I wonder why they appeal to someone like me and what they see in me. 

I think like attracts like, and somehow, I have an aspect in me, that relates to all these groups. how, is another thing. as i dont know.


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## Mirkwood (Jul 16, 2014)

kittenbells said:


> Well obviously it is more often than not however I have seen a pattern of people opening up to me fairly quickly then telling me I'm easy to open up to, talking to me calms them down, etc etc.
> 
> Just today a girl I have only had one full conversation with (which wasn't even 1 on 1) cried to me about being in and out of foster care and how she wishes she just had a secure mother figure, then hugged me goodbye (she's outwardly stated she doesn't do hugs), and said it was good to finally get it off her chest.
> This is a girl who has a rep as being a bitch, careless, rock solid, ect., and she just broke down into tears. It may have just been right place right time but....
> ...



Okay . Heh, it is funny, because i should kinda be able to tell you partly why some just open up you, since I have done that same thing a number of times. I will get to that.

Looking at your picture I think you look like an generally sweet person. So maybe that is partly why. I definently think some people look either cold or warm. And no, it is not just because you are sitting with a dog, tho that may help on my impression.
But i am not absolute about judging someone on the cover.


I actually often kinda wish that more people would come to me, and ask me for advice and such. Not that I have a magic button to push. People do open up and such often, but not crying on anything.
Maybe because I am a little up tight about that, and dont want to cry myself. So therefor I dont really want others to.
This is something I hope does not become a problem, and something i want to work with, because if id have children, then id not want to Run, be angry, or anything if someone cries.
But we cant go about crying all the time, that would also be debilitating.


As to why people open up to you?. Hmm.. 
I for example once went to meet a girl, and i was completely besides myself. Was invited in, and we just sat on a sofa, which feels ALOT like being "in the spotlight", I am used to going for a walk or something. I was almost speechless and such. Alot of silence, i could only really look/stare, in a kinda frozen state. I got complimented for my ability to keep eye contact, but it was amost more like an flight or fight state.
Anyway. We later sat at the table, and im not sure why. But i just felt compelled to tell her about my history of some bad stuff.
Sometimes i just want it off my chest, Maybe because im afraid I cant be appcepted, or that I am feeling really horrible.
Also often I am afraid, that if i dont tell, that someone then will feel cheated.
I can be prone to just blurt out everything, as if there is no moderation. 
For example, if i get asked "tell me about yourself" .. OR that someones values honesty. Then i may be afraid that im not honest, if i dont tell every single thing.
She was a scout leader, a teacher, and a volunteer for supporting young people after parents divorce.
One of the nicest persons ive ever meet, and whom I wanted to know better, Tho, she also said she sometimes were a little cold. But it did not work out, partly because i keept thinking she wanted more. I got really mixed messages all the time.

But that was not the only time..

Anyway, you could be silent and people open up.
Almost like the good variant of someone telling about their crimes. (you know, in movies sometimes they portray this cop who goes into the interigation room, and says nothing. And the criminal just blurts out things, altho they have no evidence or anything)

But you could also be saying the slightest thing like.. That you read a little psychology, and then people will come forward.
Which makes good enough sense.



Also, maybe you need to go no further than "Getting it off the shoulders", it is a relief. Then we can maybe get onto other things when that is over, that is atleast sometimes my train of thought. To get that out of the way.
...
But sometimes then one may feel like fleeing, because now that person knows.
.. Also if opend up to the wrong person too soon, then it can be a horrible experience, and just want to close up more.
Which is why we should not open up to everyone, will be disapointed maybe.


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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

Humanists/Artists/Psychos etc


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

The people who have been most attracted to me (romantically and platonically) have been strong Fi preferrers. 

So this includes, naturally, ENFP (too many to count), INFP (again, too many to count), 2 ISFPs, and three ESFPs.

Actually my very first friend in life was an ISFP :kitteh:

I've actually noticed that strong Fi preferrers are really, really good at making friends. Like everyone they meet becomes their best friend. 

Especially with ENFPs I have noticed this.


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## chanteuse (May 30, 2014)

Good question. Makes me think.


I don't usually hog spotlight at gatherings unless the vibe is right. Hovering doesn't make me a magnet to attract attention. However, I think people who find me interesting are mostly extremely extroverted or introverted. Extroverts find the opposite attraction in me (drawing me out). Introverts find kindred spirit in me.

What I *DON'T attract*, thankfully, are people who are disturbed, unstable, abusive, devious, hard living, or downtrodden. I might meet a person who may target me for some scam or selfish intent. However, after his/her initial probing, he/she seemed to get that I would not be an easy target, that I'd see thru their act.

I've always been grateful that I don't have the personality to be an easy target or a doormat. Since Fe is my aux function, I don't prefer to strong arm people either. It's as if I am a spider, waiting on my net, patiently wait for the right people to come within my reach.


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## Gman1 (Mar 3, 2015)

Miharu said:


> I normally attract either creeps or guys I just really don't like. /shrug
> I don't have tangible crushes so.. been single since birth.


Fancy going out for a drink later?


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## TML3193 (Jan 27, 2015)

kittenbells said:


> I have noticed a pattern in the types of people whom I attract. A very prominent one is people who are mentally unstable. I've had so many people open up to me about their anxiety, depression, home life, etc. etc., and then admit that they don't usually open up to people like that. I don't know what it is, I don't go out of my way to be especially kind or open, but people seem to feel as if they can confide in me, and feel as if I've genuinely made them feel better.
> 
> Do you see a pattern in the type of people you attract?
> If so, what kind of people?
> Do you know why?


Very much the same as you, OP. I seem to attract women with anxiety, depression, OCD, bipolar, domestic family issues, lack of fathers, stuff like that. I don't go out of my way to do it, of course, as no one wears those things on their sleeves. But they open up sooner or later and it's always some combination of those things that they have. I've been wondering the same thing as you.

For myself, I mean, I've been chalking it up to the fact that I'm pretty grounded and sorted out. I'm pragmatic, I know exactly what I'm doing with my life, I have diversified hobbies and clear passions. Maybe people with those sort of things are attracted to that sense of order. Perhaps you have that sense of order, or you're at least emotionally stable on the exterior? Something to think about.


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## gnargnar (Apr 28, 2015)

Stoners and military men


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## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

agwood said:


> Fancy going out for a drink later?


Ah, well.. that would depend.


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## benoticed (Nov 14, 2012)

Blond men. I dont know why but I also am attracted to them too


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## Gman1 (Mar 3, 2015)

Funnily enough, those whom I have zero interest in.
Then again, I strongly believe that women need to be chased, not the other way around.


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## WeirdOrWhat97 (Dec 1, 2014)

I seem to always attract dramatic, emotional types who like the fact that I can relate to their emotional turmoil and colourful creative world, while still providing them with a stable foundation of support, guidance and logical reasoning.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Complete weirdos and social dropouts (not "outcasts", more like voluntary reject/hermits) who tend to be on the intelligent side.

Actually I think most of the people I talk to regularly are more intelligent than me, if not always as loopy.


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## LinkToTheLast (Apr 7, 2015)

Rice said:


> Really persistent people, I guess? Thinking back to my friendships, most of them were people who just decided that they were going to be my friend and weren't going to take no for an answer. For most, this meant talking to me despite my disinterest until I eventually just got used to them, but one of them flat out told me they were going to hang out with me from then on, and there wasn't much I could do to argue that.
> 
> I generally don't attract too many people though.


Oh those people... I am the exact same way

I remember having 3 "Friends" like that simply in the past 2 years-ish


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

You attract who you are, conscious or unconscious. If it's unconscious it'll manifest as your opposite.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

psychopaths, morons and wack jobs
retards, fucktards and fruit loops
socio paths, damaged goods and rejects
and mostly people who just won't shut the fuck up
and for some reason think i care
i don't


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

ScarlettHayden said:


> You attract who you are, conscious or unconscious. If it's unconscious it'll manifest as your opposite.


hey, are you callin me a socio psychopathic fucktard moron retarded fruit loop
who's also damaged goods and a reject?
i resemble that remark:kitteh:


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

I actually have no idea who I attract. I'm married so it's hard to tell. But out of those courageous enough to attempt, there is a huge range.

I've had scumbags (your typical club douche, misogynistic types) to nervous nerds (endearing, not a snowball's chance in hell, but have to hand it to him, kid's got balls for trying respectfully).


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## Kingdom Crusader (Jan 4, 2012)

In general, I attract different kinds of people. The only pattern I see is in men who take a non platonic interest in me. They've been controlling and aggressive with me in varying degrees, whether blatant or more passive-aggressive.


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## the401 (Mar 1, 2015)

i attract the stereotypical "cute girls". usually the the fat, stereotypical ugly, or more "womanly" females don't pay attention to me at all.

yes i know why, yes because I'm kind of in a way a "cute guy"

( yes i know this is pretty gay( no ****), but from a males standpoint i'd have to say i'm more "cute" than "manly".

even a popular male straight football player from my high school once told me 

"you're the cutest guy i've ever met" lol.)


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

Very negative people who have lost hope in the world! Lately I've been attracting some stable and normally-world-feeling people though, and that's been really relaxing. Of course I love my nihilist friends, but it's cool to have someone who can reciprocate my love for the universe.


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## Eos_Machai (Feb 3, 2013)

Gay people. They're not really a personality type but I've noticed that gay men are often attracted to me, and all my girlfriends and most girls I've ever been with are bisexuals.


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## Eos_Machai (Feb 3, 2013)

Gay people. They're not really a personality type but I've noticed that gay men are often attracted to me, and all my girlfriends and most girls I've ever been with are bisexuals.


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## Laze (Feb 19, 2015)

None, at least for a while. Then again, the only place I've been visiting for the past year is an extremely macho gym, where the girls are bigger than me.


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## phonethesun (May 6, 2013)

Losers, psychos, and generally annoying individuals. At least I used to anyways, now I don't attract anyone. 


ScarlettHayden said:


> You attract who you are, conscious or unconscious. If it's unconscious it'll manifest as your opposite.


Is there any further reading on this?


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## ScarlettHayden (Jun 8, 2012)

phonethesun said:


> Losers, psychos, and generally annoying individuals. At least I used to anyways, now I don't attract anyone.
> 
> Is there any further reading on this?


The basis of my statement is psychological projection which stems from analytical psychology:



> Psychological Projection
> Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others.[1] For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.


I learned about it from reading up on Jung, whose work goes far beyond personality types.

And also just from general observation and experience.


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## Lexicon Devil (Mar 14, 2014)

Zombies


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## badweather (Apr 14, 2015)

kittenbells said:


> I have noticed a pattern in the types of people whom I attract. A very prominent one is people who are mentally unstable. I've had so many people open up to me about their anxiety, depression, home life, etc. etc., and then admit that they don't usually open up to people like that. I don't know what it is, I don't go out of my way to be especially kind or open, but people seem to feel as if they can confide in me, and feel as if I've genuinely made them feel better.
> 
> Do you see a pattern in the type of people you attract?
> If so, what kind of people?
> Do you know why?


Same thing as you! It is because I've struggled with anxiety and have a nightmare family. But I've always come out okay. I think it is because I've found solutions and applied them in ways, my life is very healthy and I appear as though I've come through unscratched. And it is true, I've never let it influence me in bad ways, I always look forward in life.


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## Vanzell (May 15, 2014)

I have always, especially when I was younger, tended to attract the ones that others considered to be "odd". (It somewhat amuses me because they have always said that I am the most "normal" of the group) They also were people that might have needed something from me. They might not have had many friends or had issues that the other kids wouldn't put up with. I'm pretty sure they kind of gravitated towards me because I was pretty accepting when I was younger. Nowadays, oddly enough with how shy I can be, people from all over the different social groups tend to get acquainted with me.


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## SmartasJoe (Jan 16, 2014)

Vanzell said:


> I have always, especially when I was younger, tended to attract the ones that others considered to be "odd". (It somewhat amuses me because they have always said that I am the most "normal" of the group) They also were people that might have needed something from me. They might not have had many friends or had issues that the other kids wouldn't put up with. I'm pretty sure they kind of gravitated towards me because I was pretty accepting when I was younger. Nowadays, oddly enough with how shy I can be, people from all over the different social groups tend to get acquainted with me.


That's a lot like me. Luckily often they are people I find interesting and amusing in weird ways.


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## RedGanon (Jun 22, 2012)

I do attract weird people, the type who is in need for attention and is emotionally unstable. They notice me immediately, approach me and after a while they start to cling to me. 

This type of person also sometimes tries to hurt me emotionally, but if they find out that they are unable to do so, then they aren't interested in me anymore.

If they overdo it with their need for my attention, I feel driven into a corner and may get really aggressive towards them. I like to have my privacy sometimes, if someone doesn't respect that, I'll act like this. I have no problems to stop seeing someone if they piss me off. And if they notice this, it seems that they begin to fear me. I don't really understand it.

I don't know, why I attract this type of people, maybe because I come off as someone to lean to and also a lot of people come to me and seek for advice. I may be not the best person to understand others emotionally though.


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## jehosafats (Feb 23, 2013)

I tend to attract very ambitious people. It's strange because while I'm the same way, it generally has nothing to do with others. I prefer the company of people who are chill, loving, and helpful, not obsessed with one-upping me.


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## Gman1 (Mar 3, 2015)

phonethesun said:


> Losers, psychos, and generally annoying individuals. At least I used to anyways, now I don't attract anyone.


You're not a very nice person, are you?


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## Lelu (Jun 1, 2015)

I attract psychotic people or sociopaths who generally have low self worth. No, I don't get into relationships with them.


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## FreeKekistan (Mar 4, 2015)

I atract girls that are usually superficial, egoistical or narcissistic. I atract either over emotional people or very cold, not really in between. Usually broken girls that fall for me brcause of the way I am, then later on hate me for the same reason they liked me, that really fucks me up.


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## peter pettishrooms (Apr 20, 2015)

I usually attract extroverted people who are fun to be around but not ambitious. AKA good friends who I could never be attracted to.

And much older men looking for a submissive Asian wife. Which I am not. These are the kind of men I love disappointing.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

I seem to attract two types of people:

A) The desperate opportunists. These guys range from fat teenage neckbeards living with their moms who stupidly wish I would be their manic pixie dream girl, to old married men looking for an excuse to have an affair, to extremely average and boring guys who decide that I fit the basic criteria of a wife without even caring about the rest. I check off all the generic boxes on most people's lists, so people who are desperate tend to cling to me as if I'm the last clue on a scavenger hunt they've been trying to finish since puberty.

B) The narcissists. These men are really all over the spectrum. Some are blue collar drug addicts who have no sense of how lame they are and seem to think nobody is out of their league. Some are wildly rich and successful men looking for arm candy. The things they all have in common are the tendency to be extremely overconfident, and the opinion that my specific assets put me on a cut above other women. In truth, these are the men I always end up dating long-term because at least they appreciate me for my specific qualities, unlike the desperate ones who don't seem to value me over any other female.


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## Athesis (Sep 2, 2012)

Noooooooooooo ooooooonnnnnnnnnneeeeeeee! :'D

Maybe a couple times a year I'll attract some woman who's completely crazy and whom I'm not attracted too.. My life is sad. My self pity keeps me warm at night.

I guess I just have a fucked up personality...


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## starscream430 (Jan 14, 2014)

I attract people who share my interests to me, but I'm unfortunately not the friendly-outgoing type and thus don't drive many people in my direction. Most people just come to me for business or a favor...


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## Hypaspist (Feb 11, 2012)

I tend to push people away. Does that count?

I have no idea who I attract. The people that converse with me are so eclectic in nature that I can't identify a particular type. Maybe the relaxed/laid back very non-Se type of I was pressed to answer.


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## Handsome Jack (May 31, 2015)

I attract really sweet introverted people who aren't very decisive, organized, or stable. I'm the disciplined, decisive, and responsible one which becomes exhausting.


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

I attract all kinds of people. 

I was lucky enough to attract a very sweet, mildly introverted yet very responsible and decisive guy in the past year. However, I seem to attract very persistent guys, very sweet and caring guys, nerdy ones, assholes, bullies - basically all kinds of guys really. When it comes to girls things get more interesting as I have only seemed to attract two types of them : the shy-er, dreamy, silly, quirky, nerdy one and the wild, fun, blunt, in-your-face, rich, fashion-oriented, bratty one. I do have two female friends that are "paler" versions of what I usually attract, and I'm glad that I actually have one or two great people around.


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

I attract people who are nice, a little shy and social lowly (comparing them to the popular people).
I like them, but I know our friendship won't happen, they're too passive or very different from me (sometimes some problematic people come to talk to me, but I help them, and they become more happy). Usually, they make friends who are very belonged to them.


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## phonethesun (May 6, 2013)

agwood said:


> You're not a very nice person, are you?


Nope, how did you arrive at that?


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

I attract smart / succesfull people usually. When it come down to girls, usually the ones who are having problems, or the fun and caring ones, or the super shy and very arrogant ones. Also, crazy lively persons. God bless them


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## Sefii (Jun 17, 2015)

Male: toxic ones, curious, political.

Female: all types.


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## The Doctor (May 29, 2015)

I tend to attract people who feel pity towards people who are sitting alone. I usually just shoo them away.


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

The Doctor said:


> I tend to attract people who feel pity towards people who are sitting alone. I usually just shoo them away.


lol
(Hello, Doctor!)


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## The Doctor (May 29, 2015)

Oswin said:


> lol
> (Hello, Doctor!)


See? Pesky humans, always bothering me. Go away, I'm busy reversing the polarity of the neutron flow.


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## Fish Launcher (Jan 14, 2013)

kittenbells said:


> I have noticed a pattern in the types of people whom I attract. A very prominent one is people who are mentally unstable. I've had so many people open up to me about their anxiety, depression, home life, etc. etc., and then admit that they don't usually open up to people like that. I don't know what it is, I don't go out of my way to be especially kind or open, but people seem to feel as if they can confide in me, and feel as if I've genuinely made them feel better.
> 
> Do you see a pattern in the type of people you attract?
> If so, what kind of people?
> Do you know why?


Not a lot. Only three types: straight men, gay women, and bisexuals.


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## diamond_mouth (May 17, 2014)

I attract a wide array of types. 

I avoid friendships with straight men, literally never ever works out. Two of my closest friends are unstereotypical gay males.
The type of female friends I attract all try to attach themselves and do anything to be a close as possible to me.. don't know why.

In terms of romantic partners I only ever end up dating quietly confident, introverted boys with pretty faces.


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## bubblePOP (Aug 8, 2014)

agwood said:


> You wouldn't like to be defended?


It isn't that I don't like to be defended, I do very much. But I don't need someone defending me to the point where I can't even defend myself because they're not letting me speak up.


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## salt (Jun 22, 2015)

People that want something from me. But it's okay because that's how nature is. We both benefit from this relationship.


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