# How do you refer to a baby/child whose gender you don't know?



## Mee2 (Jan 30, 2014)

Haha, I relate to this so much. Most of the time I've got no fucking idea.


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## Lady Isla (Feb 20, 2015)

I think "your baby" or "little one" is good. Sometimes if a baby is waving at me I'll wave back and say something like "Hi there, buddy." I can hardly ever tell the gender of babies, because they haven't developed distinctive facial features yet. If you are respectful to a fault you will still manage to inadvertently offend some people. I mean I wouldn't be bothered if I had a baby and you were unsure of it's gender, but some people are very sensitive and take everything personally.


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## Katanatsu (Apr 7, 2015)

Well, growing up in an environment with people who are nonbinary, it's best to say "your baby", "your little one" or "they/them/their", or pretty much anything like "buddy" or "kiddo". It's pretty much official that "they/them/their" are pronouns for people who don't have a gender or a gender the speaker, in this case you, doesn't know of (you can Google it too if you want to confirm). But, if you want to sneak a way to find the correct gender pronoun, just ask a question that makes the person answer with the baby's pronoun. For example:

"What's your baby's name?"
"When do you expect your baby?"

It doesn't even have to be a question. You can just start up a conversation and listen closely to what they say. Context should help a lot in this case. I hope this helps a bit with your situation.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

koalaroo said:


> Never call someone's child an "it."
> 
> Refer to it formally as "Your baby" or "Your child".


Hahahaha, calling the baby "it" was my first thought.

I didn't realize parents were so prickly about this sort of thing. It seems like an honest enough mistake.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

conscius said:


> I had a tough experience (almost traumatic for a shy INFP, lol) a while back, where I mistakenly referred to a lady's little boy with "she" and she looked at me with shock as if I had just told her the Earth was made of French Fries! "HE!" she said. The little boy was maybe two-years-old and I was in a waiting area with a few other people when I said, "she looks so happy." The boy was dressed in all red, had a few Simpsons dolls, but I guess if he was playing with a firetruck and dressed in blue I would have had less trouble (though even that does not guarantee anything).
> 
> Since then this is become my new phobia. I keep imagining being in a situation where I start referring to a baby then half way through realize I could be making a mistake. Like, "Oh how old is..."
> -She?
> ...


I always say something like, "Hi baby! :kitteh:"

And then beam a big smile at the mother and ask, "So, is this a boy or a girl?"

I don't _think _I've offended anyone yet. But, then, I'm terrible at 'seeing' things.


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## will-o'-wisp (Feb 11, 2013)

How about, "Which gender is your parasite?"

(I'm allowed to say this as a host and former parasite)


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## Ermenegildo (Feb 25, 2014)

*I like women like my sisters who call their children spitfire and snotnose *

1) Your example shows the limits of a language like Modern English whose nouns lack a gender. This deficit also prevents a free word order and long sentences due to the unchanged forms of determiners, pronouns and adjectives.

2) In societies where boys have a higher value than girls it is an insult to call a boy a girl.

3) There are superstitious societies where positive remarks about a baby are not well received because they can endanger the baby.

4) Touching specific regions of a child like the head is also frowned upon in some societies.


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