# How did you feel when you discovered your correct enneagram type?



## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

@_Swordsman of Mana_ @_Boss_

In lieu of derailing the 8 thread (again, lol) I thought I'd bring the conversation here to see how everyone else felt about it. 

I made this comment:



> When I discovered my type, the clouds parted and small rays of lights shined through. As the sun warmed my skin, I began to hear the angels sing.
> 
> 
> ^^thats how people think its supposed to feel.
> ...


When I was originally mistyped as an 8w7, I thought "This is soooo me" when I first read the descriptions, motivations, desires and fears. However, after talking with SOM, Boss and a few others, we've all concluded that in reality discovering your true type makes you feel like crap. 

So, I wanted to ask everyone how finding their type made them feel? How did you know it was right? (Boss and SOM feel free to elaborate:happy 

This could be your core, or your whole tritype.

I'll start:

I knew that six was most definitely the correct type for my core, because when Boss suggested it to me on my type me thread, it ignited a wave of anxiety within me. It was like opening a box that had been locked and buried years ago and that I had forgotten about. It took a lot to really accept that type 6 was right. I really didn't want to admit it to myself, and because I have an inferior Si, I had a hard time recalling how it was correct, but it felt right. Does that make sense? I could sense that it fit me but apart of my brain needed proof (go fucking figure right?). 

So after I said to myself "Chipps, your core type is NOT 8w7 but 6w5", I felt like shit. I really did. Initially I was really pissed off and taken aback. It was a shock to the system. I felt like it couldn't be true. Like those weren't my motivations, fears, desires. I'd created a whole new image of who I was. I was really sad and disappointed for some reason. I thought "I can't _really_ be like that" or "thats not _really_ who I am". Then, once I got over the fact that it was who I really was, I felt better. From accepting my flaws, I was about to acknowledge them on a conscious level and begin to fix what I didn't like and grow from there. 

People dislike the 6 enneagram type because it is seen as weak, and anxious, and worrisome, and doubtful. And, as a 6, all of those things have been true for me at some point in my life. What I've learned, is that the enneagram helps you to acknowledge your fears, desires, motivations. It makes you face them. So, when you have people who try to cherry pick and type and apply it to themselves, they are actually missing out on growth potential. You can't fix a problem if you refuse to admit that it exists. When I was mistyped as an 8, I continued to subconsciously engage in behavior indicative of a 6. <---this is the funniest part about enneagram types. Even if you cherry pick one that sounds cool, or better than your actual one, you will continue to subconsciously engage in the behaviors of your actual type. :laughing: I've seen mistypes on the forums "slip up" and talk about their behavior in detail, or reactions to things on numerous occasions, that indicates that they are not the type that they think they are. A lot of my old posts scream type 6 looking back at it now, though at the time you might not have been able to convince me of it. 

Anyway, I've been thinking that there are levels of type acceptance:

Level 1:Shock
Level 2: Disgust or Embarrassment
Level 3: Sadness or disappointment
Level 4: Type acceptance
Level 5: Growth

P.s. I've just started getting deeper into the enneagram books, so it if I stole that list from an enneagram expert then Oopsies :laughing:


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

When I was reading about 3, at first, I laughed--wow that's me. Then, I started to read about the darker, slimier, nastier aspects of my psyche. I started to read about false images and deceptiveness and vanity. I read about failure. And, I read about disintegrating 3s. That's when I wanted to ahem nearly shed some tears. 

*My first response was:* Oh GOD NO! I don't want this. It was just a mix of denial, disbelief and discomfort. 

*Next stage:* This is me. I don't want this to be me, because my neuroses are staring me in the face. But it is what it is. 

I just put aside the book I was reading. I didn't really want to focus on it. A conversation between my partner and I was open on my laptop, and just 2 days prior, I had told him that I felt like a broken machine..a nobody..and I didn't want to fade into oblivion. I wanted fame and success, but I felt empty inside (this was my disintegrating phase). I had said a bunch of really 3-ish things.

And reading about it all felt like I was standing before a mirror It was as though I had I seen a gorgeous woman with this proud face. Soon, I started to see the proud face as a mask. Then the mask slowly came off. I started to see inner scars, deception, darkness and vanity. It was ugly. But, it was me. I accepted it, didn't fight it. I realized that it was something I wanted to transcend. I knew that I have to accept it with grace, learn and move on.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

Chipps said:


> Anyway, I've been thinking that there are levels of type acceptance:
> 
> Level 1:Shock
> Level 2: Disgust or Embarrassment
> ...


Kübler-Ross model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

1. Denial:
No, I'm definitely not that type. This description is soooo not me. Not at all. Of course I'm a different type, you don't know me at all and you have no idea about my motivation.

2. Anger:
What? FUCK YOU I'M NOT TYPE X! How dare you accuse me! This is not my type and it will not be my type in million years, you... you evil, mean, vicious, hateful jerk! THIS IS NOT MY TYPE!

3. Bargaining:
Yes, when you put it that way, I might have some characteristics of type X... but this might be because my heart fix has a wing which integrates to type X, okay? I don't think I'm type X, I just might seem that way because I'm healthy/unhealthy/in a relationship/single/young/mature/today is raining.

4. Depression:
Noooo... I hate being type X, it makes me a failure, all that I wanted is lost. Noooo.... I so want to be another type, any type but not X. Why why why oh woe upon me!

5. Acceptance:
Hmmm, maybe type X is not that bad. It looks like there are some interesting people who are type X. And if I know my type, I can deal with my problems better than before. Let's crush the stereotypes! Type X is cool too!


I don't know if 7 is my "correct" type. I don't think I know enough... and it contains both "not knowing the theory enough" and "not knowing myself enough". This is the best fit so far, I think, but I'm not opposed to changes.

The funny thing is that when I heard about the Enneagram a few years ago, from a friend, I almost immediately dismissed it. He said that I seemed like a 5 or an 8 - I told him immediately that there was no way I'd be an 8, but I pondered Type 5 for a while. I had a gut feeling that I wasn't a 5, and I didn't even bother with reading the 7 description when I saw "outgoing, party-loving, practical"


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

@aconite

Lol, thanks. I knew it had to exist somewhere.


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

I felt a bit weird. Like "yeah, that IS me... but nah, can't be me". I know the feeling you get when you mistype, as well; it's a sort of exhilaration and a feeling that everything has come together and makes sense. You know it's a mistype, because there isn't any denial that comes with it, either, which you would expect if your flaws, weaknesses, and self-destructive patterns are coming to light.


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## alionsroar (Jun 5, 2010)

I didn't think much of it since I didn't know much about it. I was just thinking, hmm, 9 seems like it might be a better fit than 5. I'm still not 100% sure I'm a 9.

Now I feel annoyed, because I do everything an average/less healthy 9 does. I feel annoyed because it would be better for me to go against what I have become accustomed to doing. I feel annoyed because my life would probably be far more better if I had changed years ago.


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

I think reactions about this can vary, and some people will go through this process more quickly than others. For me, I was getting lost in behaviours vs. motivations, and having an anxiety disorder messed up my typing. When I found out, the first thought was, "Oh my god, this was so obvious, and I doubted it all along. This really *is* the problem (for me, perfectionism and needing to be seen as a someone who is not bad/corrupt). _What have I been doing to myself?_ Then I proceeded to have a sobbing fit. When that was done with, I was just *so relieved* that I had figured this out- like a weight had been lifted off me.

Now, I am being hit with all these repressed memories. And I can see 1-ish motivations/themes behind many of them. Whereas before, when things like this happened (i.e. having repressed memories come back to me), it was just a distressing thing with no explanation. Now, I still find the repressed memories to be disturbing, but I am glad to know why some things happened the way they did, and why I took the actions I took at various points in my life.

Edited to add: As for my tritype, I was able to piece that together through the process of elimination. None of the other types fit me in any way at all. And 1, 6 and 4 are my three most dominant types. So for me, it didn't take long to piece that together for this reason.


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

I wanted to be a 6w7 so bad, some of my favorite people are 6w7...but I'll settle for 6w5, it has it's "perks".

I do not like my tritype.

I see myself in all the numbers really.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

MelanieM said:


> I wanted to be a 6w7 so bad, some of my favorite people are 6w7...but I'll settle for 6w5, it has it's "perks".
> 
> I do not like my tritype.
> 
> I see myself in all the numbers really.



Why don't you like your tritype?


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

I didn't really have any response when I discovered my type -- I mean, I took a test, read the descriptions, and it wasn't even really a question, it was a "duh" moment for me.

I've had more issues trying to determine the extent of Nine mixed in with my 5w4, since I do seem to seek peace rather than conflict and have developed a great deal of diplomatic skill if I desire to use it, and can often "stay at rest." But my core interface with the world was always observational and trying to gather/parse information and understand, and I feared to engage because it was a risk and I might not yet truly understand the situation. The directions of integration and disintegration made a lot of sense of me, personally, in my life.

I just didn't have any bad reaction to being Five. it was just like, "Yup, that's me, for the good and bad, and that describes my life." I just took it as, well... information.  Which is to be expected.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

@Steel Magnolia


Nothing hurts denial more then repressed/distorted memories popping back up. I found that the more I denied it, the more I started to remember specific events or behaviors that pointed to it being right. Which is hilarious since my ability to recall things in depth isn't really that good, but I found myself searching within me and certain "nuggets" kept popping up to the point where not admitting it was overwhelming.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

I can *SO *identify with the "Oh god no, I don't want to be that !!" I felt kind of.. imprisoned and hopeless, I guess. Limited, but mostly.. ashamed. Like this was my type and there was no way to get out of it, to avoid this about myself. I tried reading up on other types, desperate for a confirmation that I just couldn't be THAT bad, but yeah. That doesn't work out so well, does it? 

I guess I felt that way, because this was the confirmation of all the things I knew about myself deep down, and ignored relentlessly because they were shameful. I remember growing up, I'd engage in what I now know were Four ish behaviors and upon analyzing myself, I'd tell myself that it was just because of the circumstances or whatever. I never wanted to face them, because that signified resigning to it. I can't say I never realized those things about myself before though, because ever since I was young, I intensely analyzed myself. 

I suppose even now, going through the Four aspects, I feel like it's some sort of inevitable spiral towards more negative states, like the moment I stop exerting self control and actually embrace my Four-ness completely, that I could never be happy. I read other descriptions, and maybe I'm biased but I feel like the Four one is among the most negative ones. Probably because we emphasize and seek out melancholy so much and we always feel like something's missing, we're almost doomed to succomb to it. 

If I was to name the stage I was in right now, I'd probably say.. beginning of acceptance stage :happy:


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

Chipps said:


> @_Steel Magnolia_
> 
> *
> Nothing hurts denial more then repressed/distorted memories popping back up*. I found that the more I denied it, the more I started to remember specific events or behaviors that pointed to it being right.


 @Chipps

Can you explain what you mean by "Nothing hurts denial more than represssed/distorted memories popping back up." To me, repression is a sign of being in denial. Is that what you meant to say, or did I misinterpret your statement?


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

Chipps said:


> Why don't you like your tritype?


641 are particular (aka rigid) and fussy, not easily pleased. Can be biting mean if provoked.
I would love to be more easygoing, spontaneous but responsible, go with the flow, more laid back, funny, more nurturing...let's see a tritype 629 would be nice, if that exists.

I like 7s too, but too much 7 can be...well too much. Everyone seems to like them though. 7w6 especially, 7w8 ooh boy.

I like my sarcasm, if others do not, they are not worthy of my time.

Oh and I rather be a So/Sp/Sx


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Steel Magnolia said:


> @_Chipps_
> 
> Can you explain what you mean by "Nothing hurts denial more than represssed/distorted memories popping back up." To me, repression is a sign of being in denial. Is that what you meant to say, or did I misinterpret your statement?



Its when you're in denial about your type and you're thinking, "I've never done that", "This most definitely isn't me" etc. And then slowly but surely, you start to remember numerous occasions when it has been true. When you look back at past behaviors, and reactions to things, you start to recall why you did what you did and how it lines up with the motivations, fears and desires of your type. I thought I couldn't be a 6, until a ton of the unhealthy cp6 behavior rang very true for me. A few repressed memories started to surface, then more, then some more until finally I was like "Okay, okay. I have done that in the past", "I am like that, I admit it." This is why I openly just accepted that I was a 6 because when evidence starts to stack up, I don't really have much of a choice. I can accept being in denial if I don't have to face the truth at all, but when its shoved all up in my face and can't be ignored then I have to give in.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

MelanieM said:


> 641 are particular (aka rigid) and fussy, not easily pleased. Can be biting mean if provoked.
> I would love to be more easygoing, spontaneous but responsible, go with the flow, more laid back, funny, more nurturing...let's see a tritype 629 would be nice, if that exists.
> 
> I like 7s too, but too much 7 can be...well too much. Everyone seems to like them though. 7w6 especially, 7w8 ooh boy.
> ...


Lol, really? 

I've thought that it'd be better if I was X type instead of my actual type, but you know what? I _really_ don't feel that way at the end of the day. I couldn't imagine being one of the Id types (8,7,3 got forbid I was all 3). I have no idea why, but I feel like, in my current frame of mind, that it just isn't who I am. From my POV, being any other type then the ones I am would make me lose my sense of self, and to be honest its really not worth it. I like how I operate. I see benefit in it. Also, I don't see myself as rigid or fussy. Im composed and particular, lol. I do not "flow", nor will I ever be "laid back". I also like things a certain way. Excuse me for having standards, sheesh.:laughing:

I think you just have to accept how you really are rather then wishing your were something else. Once you accept it, being X type isn't bad at all.

Also being So first? **shudders** I don't know why but thats skurry.


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

Chipps said:


> Its when you're in denial about your type and you're thinking, "I've never done that", "This most definitely isn't me" etc. And then slowly but surely, you start to remember numerous occasions when it has been true.


That's interesting. For me, the repressed memories just hit me out of nowhere. I also believe that deep denial often begins on a subconscious level. Meaning, you are not aware for the longest time, until major insights start hitting you out of nowhere (This has been happening to me regarding other issues that are independent of my typing). Unpleasant thoughts/feelings are automatically blocked, at least partially, until they keep recurring and become so prominent that you have to deal with them. At least, this is how the process has been going for me. I remember a childhood pattern of expressing emotion, and then automatically repressing it. It's like I became numb to my emotions after I experience/expressed them (I can't recall when this stopped- I think it may have been in my teens) I also have realized that even though I have showed emotion on numerous occasions, I was not showing them completely. I have only just realized that there is so much below the surface that was not getting expressed. There are many signs that emotional repression has taken place, but one sign storing tension in your body. I've been doing this for goodness knows how long, and it's only in the past few years that I have realized what has been going on. If for instance, you have a tendency to hold onto anger/resentment, then that may end up affecting you physically, and many people don't realize this until they start feeling signs of this in their bodies. The same goes for other unwanted emotions, or impulses.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Steel Magnolia said:


> That's interesting. For me, the repressed memories just hit me out of nowhere. I also believe that deep denial often begins on a subconscious level. Meaning, you are not aware for the longest time, until major insights start hitting you out of nowhere (This has been happening to me regarding other issues that are independent of my typing). Unpleasant thoughts/feelings are automatically blocked, at least partially, until they keep recurring and become so prominent that you have to deal with them. At least, this is how the process has been going for me. I remember a childhood pattern of expressing emotion, and then automatically repressing it. It's like I became numb to my emotions after I experience/expressed them (I can't recall when this stopped- I think it may have been in my teens) I also have realized that even though I have showed emotion on numerous occasions, I was not showing them completely. I have only just realized that there is so much below the surface that was not getting expressed. There are many signs that emotional repression has taken place, but one sign storing tension in your body. I've been doing this for goodness knows how long, and it's only in the past few years that I have realized what has been going on. If for instance, you have a tendency to hold onto anger/resentment, then that may end up affecting you physically, and many people don't realize this until they start feeling signs of this in their bodies. The same goes for other unwanted emotions, or impulses.


I know what you mean, this is so true for me as well. Though, it was easy to accept the head and gut fixes. I can even talk about how I relate to them and how the manifest IRL. But, I automatically repressed the fears, motivations, and desires or the 4 because I hated it. I still do it from time to time. 

I also relate to what you said about repressing anger. Its automatic for me. I don't consciously realize that I am angry or something did bother me initially. It usually just brush it off and move on because I don't like losing my composure and getting mad. However, it does come back to get me. My mood gets so dark and I get a headache when the anger/resentment start to become too much. I don't know how to release it before I erupt to alleviate the pressure. Its like I can only show anger once I've hit my limit, but not a second before.


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

Chipps said:


> I know what you mean, this is so true for me as well. Though, it was easy to accept the head and gut fixes. I can even talk about how I relate to them and how the manifest IRL. But, I automatically repressed the fears, motivations, and desires or the 4 because I hated it. I still do it from time to time.
> 
> I also relate to what you said about repressing anger. Its automatic for me. I don't consciously realize that I am angry or something did bother me initially. It usually just brush it off and move on because I don't like losing my composure and getting mad. However, it does come back to get me. My mood gets so dark and I get a headache when the anger/resentment start to become too much. I don't know how to release it before I erupt to alleviate the pressure. Its like I can only show anger once I've hit my limit, but not a second before.


Thank you for sharing that. I have found that with anger, I knew that I had a problem with it, but I've only become aware of just how much. Other people saw me as *extremely* angry, and a few even said I was hateful (for instance, when talking about how my father abused me). Being referred to as "hateful" defintely hurt- because it was true.  I didn't think- or want to be thought of- in that way.

To quote Riso and Hudson:



> Anger, when fully experienced (and not acted out, repressed, or "swallowed") is instantaneous and short-lived. When we allow our anger without resisting it, it usually arises like a wave and passes through us within a minute. When we resist anger or hang onto it (for other strategic reasons of our ego), it perpetuates itself in increasing obsessive thinking, emotional constriction, and physical tension. Even when these thinking patterns have run their course, the anger remains stored in our body, locked in muscle tension and habitual behaviours such as pacing, nail biting, and teeth grinding


From "The Wisdom of the Enneagram", p. 109


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

@_Steel Magnolia_

You were called hateful because of how you felt about your abusive step father?

Also, the excerpt is very true. Sometimes I can repress anger to the point where I don't know its there if the person it was directed towards goes away. However, if I am introduced to them again, it can come flying back. I often wonder why people can't see that Im angry. I get extremely rigid and quiet (which is unlike me when Im in a good mood) so I think that if I was observing it, I'd think that I'd better back down. Sometimes I think people should be able to feel the heat coming off me. Apparently not.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Jawz said:


> They're _all_ bad for the person who is actually of that type >.<
> 
> Otherwise they wouldn't be Enneagrams, they'd just be warm fuzzies that little schoolgirls write each other in their year books :dry:
> 
> :tongue:


My reaction reading my MBTI description:











My reaction reading my enneagram description:


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## Flatlander (Feb 25, 2012)

Jennywocky said:


> I didn't really have any response when I discovered my type -- I mean, I took a test, read the descriptions, and it wasn't even really a question, it was a "duh" moment for me.


This. (I filled out a form, got a response and read the descriptions/read info, but same idea.)

I am thinking typical reaction might differ based on type and level of personal growth.


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## sorry_neither (Mar 21, 2012)

When I read the description for Five, I thought it was really creepy how accurate it was. Then while learning about the other types, I half-jokingly thought of Ones as "the uptight, self-righteous ones" and Fours as "the special snowflakes...gee they sound annoying."

A couple of years later when I learned about tritypes, I immediately knew 1 and 4 were part of mine. Guess I have a sense of humor about my flaws.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

An insightful sorrow, realizing an inherent emptiness.


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## nottie (Mar 2, 2011)

@_kaleidoscope_ yeah, the MBTI type descriptions really baby you. Reading the enneagram for the first time was a lot of, "No _way_ am I that horrible.. wait.. oh, except for that time.. and that one.. "

Reading the other type descriptions isn't going to sound nearly as cutting, as it doesn't make you confront your own flaws.


All that said, I didn't have quite as hard a time with settling on my tritype, though I was stuck on my heart fix for awhile because I thought that loving to help people meant I was a 2. Eventually I realized I'm a lot more selfish than I liked to think, and far more concerned with my own mental weaknesses. Finally allowing myself to be a 4 meant accepting that I was meant to be melancholic. My interest in disturbed people is just as much a fascination as a desire to help. Pretty bittersweet, but I had already realized these tendencies in myself - just hadn't put a label to it. 

The 9 and 7 fix always made perfect sense, though, and it weren't hard to accept.  Being the generally unoffensive (read: somewhat boring and flighty) person is something I'm very used to.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@nottie

I can relate. Like @emerald sea said (not sure if it's in this thread or the 4-5-8 one), being a Four means accepting that you're self absorbed, dramatic, melancholic, never satisfied and moody. Not a nice thing to face about yourself.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Enneagram is focused more on flaws/weakness/frailties, than anything else. People build up a lifetime worth of coping and defense mechanism layering over the -actual- inherent weaknesses that are too powerful to deal with.. because we aren't immediately competent enough to confront them.

At some point, after running from the things that we were not equipped to conquer, we discover that we were fighting the wrong demons..

And the ones that we should have been fighting all along were too central to our being, they are.. ourselves, our -real- selves.

I don't think that many are -content- upon realizing their actual core type. If thats the feeling, then they should perhaps peel back more layers and find whats really there.


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

At first I was like











Then I read more and was :shocked: and NOOOOOO!










Curse you reality!


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## tympanon (May 1, 2011)

Grand enlightenment, quickly turning into grandiose nausea.


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## CallSignOWL (Jan 11, 2010)

Im I one of the wired ones who was relived and contented? I was stuck on 1, and it just didnt _feel right_, you know? 6 seems to fit me and explains my behaviors/drives much better than the 1 description did.


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

CallSignOWL said:


> Im I one of the wired ones who was relived and contented? I was stuck on 1, and it just didnt _feel right_, you know? 6 seems to fit me and explains my behaviors/drives much better than the 1 description did.


No, you are not the only one. I was relieved, but I was definitely not contented. With me, I found that Core 1 motivations/fears fit me better than the Core 6 ones did.

It's interesting, isn't it? I mistyped as 6, and you mistyped as 1. It's like a mistype reversal, lol! (*secretly wonders who the next person is who mistypes as a 6, and realizes they are a 1. And vice-versa).


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## CallSignOWL (Jan 11, 2010)

Steel Magnolia said:


> No, you are not the only one. I was relieved, but I was definitely not contented. With me, I found that Core 1 motivations/fears fit me better than the Core 6 ones did.
> 
> It's interesting, isn't it? I mistyped as 6, and you mistyped as 1. It's like a mistype reversal, lol! (*secretly wonders who the next person is who mistypes as a 6, and realizes they are a 1. And vice-versa).


I think my "contented-ness" came from the fact that I wasnt wondering anymore. I like to have things decided. :happy:


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## treeghost (Apr 2, 2011)

At first when I got my enneagram results and read about it, it was very familiar and didn't excite me much because it felt like it was obvious. I was more enamored with the 'mystical' INFJ profiles. But after a few months, I got really in to the depths of the whole enneagram, mostly type 4, and have been really confounded about how it untangled so many aspects of me. I liked that it gave me information to formulate an understanding and tools to grow as a 4. I really needed it, I think.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

CallSignOWL said:


> Im I one of the wired ones who was relived and contented? I was stuck on 1, and it just didnt _feel right_, you know? 6 seems to fit me and explains my behaviors/drives much better than the 1 description did.


Hey, I'd been searching for _12 years_. HELL YES I was relieved--everything else just felt wrong. I know exactly what you're talking about; finally I realized I really_ do_ fit into the enneagram; I'm not just some typeless freak of nature. I wrote a full post about that awhile back on the thread. 

Just like when someone close to you dies, there is no "right" reaction.


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## RoughEstimate (Mar 10, 2012)

2 made me feel at home .
unhealthy 2 made a lot more sense...
damnit.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

I was 13 when I got my first Enneagram book, Wagele's. I immediately identified myself as type Five. I was very withdrawn, outsider different from others, intellectual, sensitive and easily exhausted by socializing or any kinds of demands. I also realized I tend to compartmentalize my relationships. Well, not all of type Five was pleasant but I also had nothing against the thought of being type Five. Type Four, on the other hand, made me think that would be the last type I would like to be. Mainly because it seemed annoying in many ways, highly emotional, attention-seeking, needy, difficult. I saw all the negative things. 

Well, many years later when I got back to Enneagram properly, I experienced a "little" shock. I realized I was actually type Four by myself. That people did find me difficult and annoying at times. That I was so much attached to my feelings that it interfered with other aspects of my life. That my need to express myself and be different from others made me feel even more lonely since I defined myself outside of the system all the time while I longed for having friends. That I often felt very unhappy and yet had many good things in my life that I just could not see by myself. That I felt inferior and wanted to be humble but was actually arrogant at times and could feel very superior to the "normal" people. That I was actually very jealous, detested certain people because they seemed like a better version of me and made me feel so, so inferior. No wonder finding out my Four issues has improved especially my social skills and my relationships. 

I still have certain shame about this though. I have introduced Enneagram to some relatives and friends of mine but have not told my own type. I just feel ashamed of it and don't want them to read all that


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## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

@zallla

Why are you afraid to tell your relatives that you are a a 4, and why do you feel obliged to even tell them this in the first place? What reaction do you fear they will give you (i.e. do you think they will respond to you more negatively if you tell them)?


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

@_Steel Magnolia_. Well, first of all, I do _not_ feel obliged to tell. I share if I want to share, thus far I have not. My SO is the only one whom I have told about this, I do not really have truly close relationships with others than him. I am afraid, afraid of being detested and scorned at and rejected the minute people will know what is deep inside me. I experience that with my SO too though. I feel ugly inside and outside, thus the shame.


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## Talee_eh (Oct 27, 2011)

I think the reaction differs amongst each type for example for me as an absolute 4, it was clear that I couldn't be anything but a 4 because as it's mentioned in 4s' describtion we, the fours, spend a lot of time discovering facts about ourselves and we are the most self-aware type among all nine types... So it didn't shocked me when I found out that I was a 4, what shocked me was how true the describtion was and when I went through the result text I couldn't stop my tears falling...


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

I feel like my reaction isn't like the others in here. My reaction was just sort of:

"Oh that fits....Is that all?"

I don't know but that's the way I felt.

That being said I still haven't found my tri-type so I could be in for some shocks along the way. But I felt that a lot of the material on 4's to me felt lacking, as if they didn't really see the truth of the fear within Fours (or at least myself). The subjects surrounding envy and individuality felt surface level at best (perhaps because I am only reading online versions maybe in depth conversation with the text would be further beneficial). I feel only a few sources really got the fact that the fear of the four is essentially the belief that they are lesser or worse then others and so essentially they create this better surrogate identity of themselves in order to combat the fact that they feel the world short changed them and need to cope in a world where they believe they are highly damaged people.

I also don't think a lot of sources get the concept of Envy well either. Envy isn't just jealousy of what others have but also a deep yearning to align yourself with that quality and create it within yourself because you feel you don't have it. That attraction, merging, idealism quality was left completely abandoned by the way side for the surface interpretations of "well all fours a just jealous people, they are made because you have stuffs." :rollseyes:

So all in all I felt the information was only partially correct. At least in my opinion - so my response was "meh."


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## 6007 (Feb 12, 2010)

I was happy. It was like someone else found the words to describe what I'd experienced and felt, the truth. I was pleased. My inner world has always felt very real to me, but also cryptic and prelanguage. I feel quite a lot inside, but so much of my identity happens when I'm alone. Learning about enneagram helped me find the words to better explain my inner realities, what it feels like to be me. It was a comfort. I don't really care if other people understand me, but I see value in self understanding, I really like getting to know who I am.


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## redneck15 (Mar 21, 2011)

I wanted it to be true, but for this reason doubted it could be true. I still am not sure of being 8.


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## Lunar Light (Jun 6, 2013)

Hmm...

Well, I honestly felt immense satisfaction at discovering my tritype because I didn't know much at all about enneagram at first. I only had a very basic grasp of it. Like, how I was with enneagram was like...people who only understand what the letters/dichotomies mean in MBTI. 

But I took the time to research for like a while. (I have never really trusted tests to accurately determine who I am...because I've always felt like I know myself way better than any test. Plus, I already had information on enneagram, so I'd probably be answering in a biased way.)

Anyway though, at first, I was mad because I felt a level of connection with a lot of types. It's why I initially dismissed enneagram. I related to 4 a lot, 7 a lot, 2 quite a bit, 3 quite a bit, 1 a fair amount, and the rest were so-so. Then I randomly found out about tritype on this forum and I was like, oh dang that is so cool. 

My first two types were easy, but finding my last type was super hard. 9 just sounded like it SHOULD be me. 8 sounded like it could be me as well. But being either 8 or 9 (whether it was a wing or an actual main type) terrified me. I didn't want to be either. It was frightening. So I originally picked 9w8 for myself just because it seemed like it could make sense. Then I read a 479 description and it literally... it was like... "This is so freaking scary. Some parts are cool, but mostly... I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I HATE THIS!!!"

And it just never felt right to me. So two weeks later, I went back to it, and found the 147 tritype, and the video. And suddenly it was like..."THIS IS SO ME. This is me. This is like, everything! Why didn't I find this sooner? This helps explain so much! I feel so SATISFIED that there is an actual thing out there that represents all the hunches I had myself, and now I can feel so much better knowing that ... Well, it's an actual thing."

And then Katherine started reading out loud the weaknesses of the 147. And at first, it felt like I was attacked, sort of. It made me go from being SUPER happy back down to a more reasonable level and I started thinking about it. And I was like, "It's true. This is definitely true. I need to learn from this. It doesn't really sound that nice, but it's all so true. These conflicts and struggles. This makes me even more motivated to work on my weaknesses."

So I mean, it didn't exactly make me feel like crap. It was mostly "I am so happy I've found my real enneagram and a pretty accurate representation of myself. Well, as accurate as a personality theory can be." Then just a sense of reality.

Enneagram does indeed make me feel terrible at times and I hate that it's who I am SOMETIMES...but I was definitely mostly proud that 147 was my tritype. I didn't have any problems accepting it. Then I helped a lot of my friends find their tritypes as well because it just had so, so, so much meaning for me to find mine! Finding my enneagram was so much more enlightening and helpful than finding my MBTI type. I learned a lot haha.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Seeing as 4 is the only type that covers most, if not all, of the major themes of my life, it feels like total shit.


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