# I'm in a glass case of emotion! (ENFP/INFJ)



## Will_Power (Nov 29, 2010)

Hey guys,

First post here and I could really use some help!

For a long time, I had believed that I was an *ENFP (Ne / Fi)*, but having matured and gone through some major life & worldview changes, I now wonder if I'm actually an *INFJ (Fe / Ni).* I'm in a season of significant self-reflection, wanting to get some of my more negative quirks & idiosyncrasies sorted out, and am unable so far to get to the bottom of where in the heck I fall (therefore robbing me in some degree of insight about why I am the way I am).

I'm gonna bullet point this in a mostly meandering way, which might make it easier to work through. I sort through things out loud, using my friends as human sounding boards for my rambling. Unfortunately, I don't have any close friends who are into MBTI, so it's time to solicit the help of random strangers! Haha.

*Warning: Epic length bullet posts of self-disclosure.*


I am an NF Idealist to the core (although I do harbor some serious secret jealousy of the extroverted SP Artisans!). Head in the clouds, stubbornly idealistic, must be authentic at all costs, painfully Romantic in a don Quixote way, big picture thinker, just wants someone to understand me for who I am... yeah, that's me.


Reading through the descriptions, I do not feel like INFP describes me well. Honestly, I just don't have the bleeding heart to be an INFP. I'm not usually a wallflower or let myself get walked over. Definitely not sentimental. At all.


If any of you cognitive functions gurus could explain the practical difference between ENFP's Ne/Fi and INFJ's Fe/Ni, I'd appreciate it. I just don't think I'm really "getting it" regarding how that stuff looks like in the real world. I have a feeling that might be the key that unlocks all this for me.


But! Let's go through those dichotomies for the heck of it.


Giving a concrete answer to the E/I situation is dang near impossible for me (doesn't help that the ENFP's are supposedly the most introverted of the extroverts). I'd lean towards being introverted:


I've basically lived by myself since I graduated college and love it - I hate the idea of roommates. I need my space.


I love, love, love being in social situations (and will shirk my responsibilities to be in them), even though I really need time to mentally recuperate afterward. Love parties, but they wear me out - BUT I can hang out with small groups of friends for a long, long time and love being on stage in front of people.


I don't tend to initiate conversations.


I can talk for a long, long time about things I'm interested in, but just casual small talk is something I have to work on.


P's/J's - this is even harder for me to define.


I procrastinate like nothing you're ever seen before.


My apartment is usually a mess - but I know where everything is (mostly).


I am a helluva plan-maker. I rarely act out on these big picture ideas of mine without first coming up with some plans and steps for things to come together and be implemented in a way that makes sense.


I rarely follow through on said plans and am a total slacker (but often find the easiest, most efficient way to do things as a result). I need detail, schedule orientated people to help me along.


I am really, really impatient and make decisions quickly based on what feels right. Just sitting around doing nothing asking "what do we want to do?" drives me nuts.


I want answers and understanding. Loose ends fester like a saddle burr for me. I think it probably has something to do with the big picture, concept making sense. not sure.


I'm not tentative - I state my opinions quite strongly and decisively.


I often see this judging thing kick in externally when I'm giving advice to friends. Not sure whether I recognize it enough to say its directive or informing, but I get a lot of fulfillment in helping friends sort out crap and get a gameplan and then get frustrated when they don't follow through on them (which in turn makes me hesitant to help them out in the future). Two examples: a) wrote up a long book list to one of my good bros who has literally never read a book for personal reasons in his life (how is that possible?!?!) - still hasn't read any books or even gone to a book store. b) Took time to explain social media, blogging, and twitter as networking and job hunting tools to a friend and create a pretty good plan of attacking for starting that stuff up - he didn't do anything either! Punk!



What complicated this, apart from trying to break down the dichotomies, is that my personality (or specifically my demonstrativeness and extroversion) changes a lot depending on what mood I'm in. Good mood or by myself? I'm pretty boistrous and fun and sarcastic. Can be a big joker, fun guy (at work I got that reputation, because I'm always laughing and goofing around). But, when I'm in a bad mood or get intimidated, I go way back into my shell and quite up. For example, two of my better buds in this city are both major extroverted SP types. Very loud. Very goofy, Very flirty. So much that it's hard for me to keep up and if I tried to tag along with the zaniness that I just feel fake, so I don't. I don't like the fact that I feel I change so much around them.


I usually hate conflict. I don't roll over or let myself get walked over, though. When conflict presents itself, depending on how riled up I am (that whole core values thing), I'll either calmly explain the situation and try to find common ground or just get up and leave. You'll never see me get into a angry shouting match. That happened numerous times growing up - try to play peacemaker with my mom, dad, and sis, and when that didn't work and people were still acting retarded, I'd just bail and leave for a few hours.


Really, it's pretty rare to find me angry at all, but when I am, it's either angry at myself for a situation or when my friends or loved ones get hurt. You don't mess with my friends or family.

Not competitive. At all. Very collaborative.


Outwardly, I'm generally pretty laid back. It takes a whole, whole lot to get me riled up, but on the inside, I'm in a glass case of emoooootiioooonn (cue Will Farrell). My mind is ALWAYS going 90 miles an hour about ideas, thoughts, feelings, self-doubt, feelings of epic epicness, dreams, hopes, goals, the future. I'm very future-oriented (although I carry a lot of past-facing regret, so maybe saying I'm just not centered in the here and now is better).


I know enough about myself to realize that I'm not a classic rational leader, but also that I'm a crappy follower. I'm great as a lone wolf as I often chaff at authority. Let me be and let me do myself and work with others when I can contribute my great ideas. I'll get stuff done in time, but just barely.


Shallow people irritate the crap out of me. Smart people who act or embrace shallowness makes me feel both disgust and pity.


Always happy, smiley people bug me. Really, really bug me.


I'm an ideas person. For example, I used to play MMORPGs and could come up with an awesome idea for a guild, overarching storylines, cool names and affiliations, all this rad stuff, but would need someone to help implement everything. Same thing with work or friends. I am absolutely not in any way shape or form a details or routine person. Drives me absolutely nuts and am largely unable to do that stuff (much to my professional detrament). I'm either a Chart-The-Course or Get-Things-Going interaction style. Definitely not Behind-The-Scenes.


I'm really dang thin-skinned and find a hard time taking criticism from my friends or people whose opinion I value.


As I mentioned, it usually takes a while to work me up or offend me, but once that happens, I carry a grudge like a mutha-effa. And I tend to pout. Like a spoiled girl. It's bad.


I live - and often die - by my gut. Sometimes, I'll meet someone and instantly dislike them or find myself in situations I can't stand and nothing they say or do will ever change that. I can't even verbally explain why.


But with that said, I feel like my life and my worldview have to make some sense on an authentic, "this is who I really am," and "this is the way reality really is" sorta way. The parts have to fit together. Does that even make sense? I have a hard time articulating this...


I can't stand the feeling of being a burden on others - same reason I like to work out by myself and am drawn to individual sports like MMA - it's all on the individual to succeed or fail.


It can be hard for me to focus (perfect example: I've stopped a number of these bullet points mid-sentence because another bullet point comes to mind only to return to them later).


Can't stand conflict and awkwardness. Probably why I don't like The Office, and when I'm listening to the radio and a caller starts to get weird or combative (NPR and Sports for the win!), I'll always change the station, even if I agree with what's being said.


I have huge superiority and self-doubt issues in equal measure.


Have a HUUUUUUUUGE martyr, despondent poet thing going on. I fall in love quickly and then self-sabotage because I have a hard time letting myself feel happy or let others love on me. Kinda effed up, although that it something I'd never, ever reveal to 95% of people.


I don't really care if I offend people by stating my opinions. Yeah, that sucks, too bad, oh well. In the same vein, I don't really pander for other's opinions (nor do I care at all about compliments). But it might seem like that at time. However, it's all a very inward, personal thing for me. When I'm feeling positive about myself in whatever arena, I'm kicking ass and taking names. But, if I'm down, then I'm in a funk and pretty much done for until I work through it. I could care less what people say.


Can be an open book (even used to back when I was what I consider to be really naive), but there are a lot of things that nobody gets to know about me. I'm on personal lockdown with the majority of people, even though I really long to be understood. Weird, eh?

*The End.*

Holy crap, that's a long list! Kudos to you if you make it through and get an idea on things, because I'm pretty much lost!


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## TheYellow (Oct 28, 2010)

I couldn't pin you on a type because I can't even do that for myself. I can however say that I understand how weird and abrasive it can feel to have conflicting views of who you are. I also kind of evolved over the years into something different than I remember, the whole ENFP child INFJ independent student thing I can relate to.

But if I were to throw something out there, I'd say you're more of an INFJ


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## Will_Power (Nov 29, 2010)

Thanks for the feedback, man. Good to see somebody else is in this "I don't know WTF I am" camp, heh.

Took that Keys2Cognition test - this sheds some light on things, but perhaps not in the way I want it to.

extraverted Sensing (Se) *************************** (27)
average use

introverted Sensing (Si) **************** (16.4)
limited use

*extraverted Intuiting (Ne) ********************************** (34.2)
good use

introverted Intuiting (Ni) *************************************** (39.8)
excellent use*

extraverted Thinking (Te) ************** (14.5)
unused

introverted Thinking (Ti) *************************** (27.9)
average use

extraverted Feeling (Fe) **************************** (28.7)
average use

*introverted Feeling (Fi) **************************************************** (52.3)
excellent use*

*Summary Analysis of Profile*
By focusing on the strongest configuration of cognitive processes, your pattern of responses most closely matches individuals of this type: INFP

_Lead (Dominant) Process_
Introverted Feeling (Fi): Staying true to who you really are. Paying close attention to your personal identity, values and beliefs. Checking with your conscience. Choosing behavior congruent with what is important to you.

_Support (Auxilliary) Process_
Extraverted Intuiting (Ne): Exploring the emerging patterns. Wondering about patterns of interaction across various situations. Checking what hypotheses and meanings fit best. Trusting what emerges as you shift a situation’s dynamics.

If these cognitive processes don't fit well then consider these types: ENFP, or ISFP​
Hmm. ... Well, crap.

*Fi (excellent through the roof) / Ni (excellent) / Ne (good) / Te (god-awful)*

At least we know I won't be doing any extraverted thinking any time soon! There goes my math and science career. Dang. Actually that super low Te might be a clue. It's INFP's Inferior and ENFP's Tertiary. 

It doesn't even show up, BUT from what little I'm starting to understand about all this, that actually makes a whooooole lot of sense to me. My Ti is only average, but shows up as Tertiary for INFJ's. I often find myself going back and trying to logically analyze things to see where and how they fit into my gut level instincts and worldview; I like definitions, and am good at categorization when I need to... interesting.

Or maybe I need to abandon my prejudices and look at INFP more carefully.

*Update/PS: *Reading through the INFJ or INFP Tertiary Talk page, and I seem to really identify with the J rather than P. Dagum this gets confusing.


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

INFJ is 'shadow' mode of ENFP. Basically when you are in period of life that you are getting stressed out / experiencing a lot of changes you may find yourself flipping into this shadow mode quite a bit. For example when I broke up with my bf of several years I acted sort of ENFP-ish for roughly 2 months. Then when the dust settled I went back to my serious introverted INFJ-self. Since you are in period of "significant self-reflection" I assume something triggered it off so you may be resorting to your shadow mode. More info here: http://personalitycafe.com/articles/29576-triggering-shadow-episode.html


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## Will_Power (Nov 29, 2010)

vel said:


> INFJ is 'shadow' mode of ENFP. Basically when you are in period of life that you are getting stressed out / experiencing a lot of changes you may find yourself flipping into this shadow mode quite a bit...


Wow. That's very interesting stuff! I can see that happening in certain contexts, but the converse is true, that in certain situations/mooods, I can hit zany ENFP mode, too.

Well dang, I just seem to keep digging myself a hole the further I go. Blarg.


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## Will_Power (Nov 29, 2010)

Aw, eff it.

I've done my reading on cognitive functions and I think it's helped me get back to what I had long suspected.

My Feeling is definitely, really certainly, hyperbolically directed inward as Fi. The outwardly defining, group focus of Fe seems pretty foreign (and fake!) to me.

And I think I've gotten myself mixed up on the Ti/Te thing, and having done a bit of reading, I think I can get that sorted out. Te explains my drive to organize things, make lists when I get busy (even if I don't follow up on them), and desire for action and efficieny. 

And Ne, well I think that obviously explains my understand the meaning of the world drive, longing to be understood, and penchant for random roadtrips down ways I've never been before.

*I think that really settles it, gang. I'm an ENFP.*


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## kateykinz (Nov 19, 2009)

Awww. I was just going to say you sound totally like an INFJ :laughing:

But...while the content of your post seems very INFJ (I related to it A LOT), the style of it is very ENFP. So maybe Vel is right about you being in the middle of a shadow episode.

Go hang out with the ENFPs for a while. If you feel like you don't quite belong, flip over to the INFJ forum and try us on for size. That's what I did - I mistyped as an ENFP for a good 4 months or so.


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## The Dude (May 20, 2010)

Will_Power said:


> Aw, eff it.
> 
> I've done my reading on cognitive functions and I think it's helped me get back to what I had long suspected.
> 
> ...



I'm the same. One day I'll be like oh I'm an (enter type), and later the same day or the next day I come back to ENFP. It is Ne...it is great, but it can also be a real pain in the butt.


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## Kitty23 (Dec 27, 2015)

Well, first I would suggest figuring out which feeling function you mainly use. 

Fe= your emotions are external based- generally come off as bubbly, more touch feeler types. They feel emotions on more of a broad scale. They absorb others emotions without even having to step in their shoes. Ex. man walks in a bar and starts to feel angry. He turns around and sees theirs an angry man near him that he didn't even notice. So the man absorbed the other man's anger. This can lead the Fe user to question what they themselves are feeling. Their goal is have their group conform to one set of morals, to keep the peace. Fe users are more in tune with others emotions. 

Fi= emotions are internal based- can come across as cold or aloof at first. They feel their own emotions very deeply. If you asked a Fi user what they were feeling they would be able to tell you. Their goal is let everyone be their authentic selves and express their values even if it means losing group harmony. But since Fi users do like harmony they will try and calm down the one person in the group who is upset rather than saying "Everybody settle down. (Fe)" Fi users are strongly in tune with their own emotions. 

Fe vs Fi test 

1.Are you more about people and social connections” (Fe)? Or personal values, authenticity and identity” (Fi)?
2.Do you believe that individual development is important, but social masks are necessary? Masks are ultimately tools. One can convey their true self through moving along with the current than against it (Fe)? Or everyone is entitled to be themselves, free of the nuisance of social convention. Conforming may be better for short term effects, but the ultimate goal is to see individual development (Fi)? 
3.Do you work best with the emotions of others (Fe)? Or work best with your own emotions (Fi)? 
4.Do you notice how you make others feel (Fe)? Or do you notice how others make you feel (Fi)?
5.Do you show your empathy through saying confirming language such as “Oh no,” and “Aw,” (Fe)? Or exposing your own experiences and struggles as a means of letting the other person know they’re not alone? (Fi) 
6.Do you believe in global morals, or/and conform to group morals (Fe)? Or do you believe that everyone is one-of-a-kind and has their own set of values, just as you do yourself (Fi)? 
7.Do you have empathy more on a global level, such as empathy for the human race (Fe)? Or empathy for a group of people you feel your values and experiences are related to (Fi)? 
8.Would you say “I will do what I think is right, because doing otherwise would do harm to others around me (Fe)? Or I will do what I think is right, because doing otherwise would be inauthentic to who I am as a moral person (Fi)? Examples: You are against adultery because “I would hurt the people I love” (Fe) or “It goes against my ethics” (Fi)? You are against illegal downloading because; “I will set a bad moral example” (Fe)? Or because “I am not a thief” (Fi)? 
9.Do you prefer to create an atmosphere of harmony and where everyone is “getting along” (Fe)? Or creating an atmosphere that coincides with your inner values; regardless of whether everyone is ‘feeling alright’ or not (Fi) 
10.In a spat, do you appeal to the whole group in an “everybody settle down” kind of way, apologize and compromise to keep everyone happy (Fe?)? Or stubbornly stick to your guns because someone violated an issue of importance to you, and probably latch onto one individual and either calm them or remove them from the situation in an attempt to neutralize the situation? (Fi)? 
11.At a park, are you 
more Extroverted Feeling (Fe)? You make sure everyone feels involved and has their needs met. Does everyone have a buddy? Nobody should be alone! Let’s go to the bathroom first, okay? How do we feel about hamburgers for lunch? Is that okay? Let’s meet over there, shall we? Does everyone know the plan, so no one is left behind? Let’s take a vote on which direction to go first! Fe will go on a ride it doesn’t like so a friend doesn’t have to do it alone.

Or Introverted Feeling (Fi)? You decide which direction to go based on what is important to you. I’m going on this ride. No, it’s okay, I can go by myself. I don’t need you to come along unless you want to. I’m serious. I’m not afraid to do it alone. I’m not feeling the burgers, either. You all go ahead. I’m going to dash over to that taco stand. Nope, not going on that ride. You can beg all you want, I won’t do it. I’m scared of heights. Not a chance, bud. Drop it.

Then I would suggest figuring out if you mainly use Ne or Ni

Ne vs Ni test 

1.While in a forest do you think of the fractal patterns, the wide range of possibilities in the forest, how this forest is part of the ecosystem and is affected by pollution from the city... (Ne) or Recognize that the forest is deeply symbolic of all of life in its interconnectedness and constant recycling and growth and foresees that this forest will soon be torn down for a housing development... (Ni)? 
2.Do you have an explosion of ideas, symbols, and possibilities (Ne)? Or do you find one idea and build on it over time (Ni) 
3.Are you more about possibilities and randomness (Ne)? Or insights and purpose (Ni)? 
4.Is your speech scatterbrained/about multiple topics (Ne) Or more streamlined/ talk about one thing at a time (Ni)? 
5.Do you want to go out and try all of your ideas (Ne)? Or be selective with your ideas (Ni)? 
6.Is your thought process non-linear (Ne) or linear (Ni)? 
7.Do you brainstorm out loud (Ne) or keep ideas to yourself (Ni) 
8.Do you focus on “what if's” or “what could be”? (Ne) Or having an “aha moment” (Ni)? 
9.Do you find broad shallow symbols and patterns (Ne) or deep symbols, and patterns (Ni)? 
10.You are at a park. Are you more
(Ne) sees the possibilities of the park. Look at those two people. You can tell they’re not “together” anymore, but just hanging out for the kid’s sake. See their body language? How many rides are in this park? Do you think anyone ever died here? I think they should put a new ride in this space. Call it the Haunted House of Horrors, and have Dead Presidents in it. You know, they could put up an entire haunted SECTION of the park. That would be awesome. Who do I call to pitch that idea? Stay away from the guy in the red hat. He gives me vibes. Ooh, you know, I could write a story about a murder in a theme park! He could die because the Tilt a Whirl malfunctioned. No, no, because the Tower of Terror ride didn’t stop, it crashed the elevator to the bottom floor! His sister did it. No, his uncle! No, the theme park guy, because he’s freakin’ insane.

Or (Ni)? You know what will happen before it happens. I’m going to take a step back, because that kid is going to spill his slushy all over – yup, there it goes. I know which ride I want to go on. I’ve thought about it all week. I’m going to have an awesome time on that ride. I’m going there first. Wait, there are other rides? I didn’t even notice! I was busy fixating on getting to the head of the line! Marsha better not go on that thing, she’ll hurl—yep, there she goes.

which dominant function resonates with you more? 

"Dominant Ni (INXJ: No, I haven’t learned this before. I just know how to do it, that’s all. Let me guess what that means… am I right? Yes! I knew it! You can’t ask me to stop thinking about the future; I think about it all the time! That person is going to do that, and this will happen as a result. I am not wrong. You wait and see. (Told you!) I don’t like this, it didn’t happen the way I anticipated it would! No, I don’t want to change my plan at the last minute! How can I fix this? Where did I go wrong? I have a creative way to explain this process to you! Interpreting symbolism comes easily to me. Visualizing my goals, and my future, makes me happy and energizes me! I can see where I want to be, and where I am, and come up with each step necessary to reach my dreams. 

Or Dominant Ne (ENXP): So, what you are REALLY saying, even though you’re disguising it behind bullshit, is this. Do you want to know what writing desks and ravens have in common? Are you sure that this is the right decision? Because I have five other possible interpretations, and it would be a shame not to consider them all. I simply know how this works, and what you are really up to. Let’s talk about ideas! I want to tell you mine and hear yours! I know this idea doesn’t seem related to our discussion, but I think it ties in. I can sum up our concept in a metaphor. I can think of five different things at once! I can pick up your facial expressions and accent without even thinking about it. Let me tell you a story…"

Which auxiliary function resonates with you more:

"Auxiliary Fe (IXFJ): I know what is important to you, and can support you in it, provided it doesn’t hurt others. I’m not always comfortable taking sides. Can we talk about this and reach a compromise that keeps everyone happy? I don’t want to upset people, and I can easily fit into a group and make everyone feel wanted and involved. Your emotions can influence mine, so I am careful not to let too many people in. I want to take care of you, and protect you. You are so talented. I hope you know that, and how much I like you. I’m happy to serve, but feel better when I get how I feel off my chest and out into the open.

Or 

Auxiliary Fi (EXFP): I am happiest when staying true to what I believe and what I want for my life. I know what I want, what beliefs and ideals motivate me, and how I feel about something. This is good, and that is bad. I know you’re only pretending, because I can see right through you. How does this new belief measure up against my life, my goals, and my core values? I believe no one should enforce morality; it should be a conscious choice we make. I care very much about you. I am loyal to you. I have great enthusiasm and many feelings toward you, but I show it through actions rather than words. You don’t have to say anything for me to be able to connect to and understand your meaning. I am okay with silent affection."

quotes taken from: How Ne Acts in all 4 Positions - Funky MBTI in Fiction


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