# Sticky  For Sensitive, Needy, and Lonely People :)



## Selene

I wrote this so long ago. So, I might be contradicting what I said in the original post. 



> If i begin to think that I am ____then I am ____?


Of course, I don't actually think I'm an angel or a pegasus just because I can imagine myself as one on rare occasions. ^_^

It's kind of just that images and mythological figures like that seem to embody certain qualities. And, if I can imagine and identify with those figures, then I can actually become what they represent.

(Correct me if I'm wrong on this next section. I don't know shit about Buddhism.) Like, I'm under the impression that in Vajrayana Buddhism, a lot of the practices involve visualizing buddhas. The end result that one aims for in doing this is to become a Buddha by having a very clear image of the Buddha. The idea seems to be that identities are very fluid, and we become our thoughts/imaginations. So, if you meditate/pray a lot, certain patterns of thinking start to get ingrained into how you see things, and you become more like the Buddha.

The most interesting thing for me is that there are some figures that I literally CAN'T identify with. For example, I have a strong aversion to Jerry Lee Lewis, to the point that I can't even imagine being him. I think it reflects a limitation of my personality--you'll never see me acting like him.

So, I think the more fluid/flexible/active a person's imagination is, the more expansive/flexible their personality/self is. And that if you can imagine yourself a certain way, then you sort of are that thing that you imagine...or you're able to become it.


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## Hudson

I love you for writing this.

You wrote it just for me.


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## JohnyDoGood

Selene said:


> When I see you, I see an intelligent, sensitive, creative, caring, conscientious, all-around amazing person. You have high expectations. And you are so determined to achieve them, to become this better person, that you feel ... it is worth the shame, the pain, the estrangement, the sense of being all by yourself ... but not even having that self which you can turn to, because everything is unstable, uncontrollable, and anxious.
> 
> ...
> 
> See yourself as others actually see you. Your sensitivity is beautiful. Your willingness and drive to share yourself is borne out of a personal need, but the end result is inspiring to others, and very lovely. I get great joy out of looking on here, finding all of these sad/depressed/lonely NF's, and being able to give them virtual hugs. :happy: When I don't have the first clue how to help you, I still feel better connected to you, like you're more real, and like you matter to me. And that's a feeling which I wish I had more in real life. I wish I could see through people, because then I couldn't help but love everyone. When people put up their masks and I don't see things the way that they do, _that_ is when I have trouble relating to a person.


A thousand times thank you. Your post is beautiful and I feel better knowing I have this very same effect on others. I have never heard it said so eloquently, it truly resonates with me.

God I love you guys


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## Euphoric Nocturne

I wish I could meet the wonderful and amazing people behind such inspirational words. But like our angels and ideals, it feels like you're all worlds away.


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## Angerona

beautiful words.. if only they knew how often i feel like this..but there are too few people who care to stop and see behind the surface.. oh well ..maybe in the end you do only have yourself ..even if I don't really want to think that way  
I am an idealist 



> "I really like who you are, and the more I get to know you, the more it makes sense. You have your reasons for feeling as you do."


 how I long for this words sometimes 


thanks for the post ..


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## Lord Xephere

I really loved what you wrote. Those are all the same things I think about. I was extremely lonely and depressed in high school (still am a little), and I would always fantasize about an imaginary girlfriend or friends, or even take a character from an anime series (don't laugh, please) and pretend as if she was my girlfriend. I felt that the world was a cold place and no one cared about me. Getting lost in fantasy was my only coping mechanism because that was the only place where I felt accepted.


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## PoetOfDreams

Great post! Thank you so much.


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## tobeconfirmed

I can totally relate to the original post, although I do already use my fantasy world as a comfort mechanism, I'm doing my project on it now infact (at some point I shall upload some images). I got told by my therapist that it can be unhealthy because you can become to reliant on that other world and it can begin to seperate you from reality somewhat.

I think to an extent that can be true as if I ever spend a few days alone, I go so deeply into my way of thinking that when I re-emerge socially I often tend to act very hyper and erratic and even more than usual bounce from one topic to another, sometimes in mid sentance. I image I'm very annoying to people around me; the same is true of me when I'm hung over though, I think alcohol surpresses my ability to edit my thoughts before they come out of my mouth for way longer than the time of intoxication, as usually most of the next day I talk utter rubbish, or maybe vulgar and childish comments and then sit giggling at it for about half an hour, just for the sheer uncalled-forness of it, and for some reason I find it hilarious.

Anyway... But yes, I've always wanted 'saving' in a way I think, but in a strange way I've become the image of my own saviour. I have a rough idea of what my perfect man should be like, and over the years I've picked up (alomost) every single one of these traits, whether they be physical or interests, etc. Naturally I expect when I do meet someone I'm totally head ove3r heels with he wont meet any of these expectations, because I've never actually met more than possibly 2 incarnations of my idealised boyfriend (and they didn't happen).

Curious, and I suppose a little more confusing given that I'm attracted to the same sex, so I can freely and easily mirror what I find most attractive about them in myself. Begs the question is it that I just highly value these traits, or is it because I'm a total narcissus that these things have happened though. 

Anyway... tangent, back to the fantasy thing; I often wish for an angel or someone pure to come and save me, but paradoxically I often find myself drawn to the people that need saving, again I'm not sure if that's because they remind me of a younger more scared and paniced version of myself, or what. It always seems the case that I'm better at saving others than I am at saving myself though; unfortunately when I do meet someone that 'needs saving' it ends up with messy complicated relationships and me feeling guilty when it doesn't work out.

*Sigh*


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## Hisham

Thank you for the nice tips.... I'll try to work on it but no promises ...It's gonna take time.


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## indigocrystal

I cannot say thank you enough...Selene, and all of you...

I am working on creating my own reality. I have recently begun working with crystals. My husband, a 5 on the enneagram (I am still learning myers-briggs...so I hope a "5" makes sense), doesn't do anything that doesn't make sense logically...so my new belief in angels, crystal energy, etc. is mine and mine alone.

To know that there is someone out there like me....

Your post made me cry. It made me feel less alone and less "foolish".

I am who I am (hubby loves me and supports me in my quest for spirituality unconditionally...and he even goes to crystal stores with me and doesn't laugh if I pick up rocks off the ground) lol :blushed: While I do not have a religious "sect" I belong to at the moment...I do have deep spiritual connection to all living creatures. 

I'm sorry if I'm not making sense? I just feel so deeply right now...(I'm PMSing and it's a new moon.....a time of deep emotion for me).

Sometimes my feelings are so overwhelming, they even scare me (like now)...and I feel tempted not to post this. I am not depressed...just very emotional (can anyone relate?). If I upset anyone, please tell me and I will remove the post!

Does this mean the test I took today (it 74% INFJ 72% ENFJ was accurate? It sounds like maybe I've found my "own kind"?

In any case, I am deeply grateful for your post. Thank you...and may we all have safe, loving journeys together...

Love and Light,

Indigo

P.S. Lord Xephere, I too used to have imaginary friends...and I made up stories with them. I've never shared that with anyone!! I preferred them to the "real kids" at school. I had a few friends...but most of my time was spent in my imagination...making up dances, singing, and "hanging out" with the imaginary people. I am so grateful you opened up about that....why should we have to go through life thinking we are "weird"? We are just sensitive!! Like my husband says "Being sensitive makes life hard." Like I say "But it makes life beautiful"


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## TaylorS

That is a great post! thank you! :happy:


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## indigocrystal

Taylor...you are a 6w5 and an INFJ? I am a 6w5 phobic...and I keep testing as an INFJ or INFP....I would be interested to know (if you don't mind sharing) how you feel the two relate?  Love and Light, Indigo


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## TaylorS

indigocrystal said:


> Taylor...you are a 6w5 and an INFJ? I am a 6w5 phobic...and I keep testing as an INFJ or INFP....I would be interested to know (if you don't mind sharing) how you feel the two relate?  Love and Light, Indigo


I'll have to think about it, but in my experience the interaction between Ni and Fe tends to exacerbate the "accept/reject authority" opposition.I


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## Shaneus

Just came across this thread and wanted to say (and not just click a button to say) "thank you". It's the most comforting everything-is-just-fine-with-you speech I've ever heard without sounding condescending I've ever heard/read.

Not feeling terribly eloquent right now, but I hope that gets my point across :happy:


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## indigocrystal

TaylorS said:


> I'll have to think about it, but in my experience the interaction between Ni and Fe tends to exacerbate the "accept/reject authority" opposition.I


How interesting! That may explain some things about me...how perfect I've always had to be for parents, teachers, "church" authorities...something to think about! Thanks


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## boredToDeath

Selene, I can't thank you enough. It's like you read my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## periculosa

Selena:

I just wanted to thank you for your beautiful post. I'm new here, and your words sum up why I came here. I am struggling with a decision about a long-term relationship, and hope I find the courage to leap into the unknown. I find myself reaching out to others for support while digging deeper within to reclaim the parts of myself I believe I denied. Long ago I was tested by a career counselor, who said I was INTP, but I am taking the MBTI over and over again and finding myself to be INFP. INTP might the be face I present to the world, and for a long time I believed it myself...but now I question everything, and find myself to be the fragile, sensitive creature you describe. It's as if I am now driven to explore this side of myself, and am shocked by its rawness, its depth; I wonder when I will find its bottom, and will I ever find another to truly share what I have only newly rediscovered.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wonderful words...LOL, whatever the "bottom" of my heart is. Remember, I haven't found it yet


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## Equilibrium13

So beautiful. Thank you so much! Just randomly came across this, and it really helps, and I shall never forget it. I often doubt myself, and I used to repress/supress some of my sensitivity, but after reading this, I want to keep in touch with it more than anything else. It IS a beautiful thing, and I get extremely lonely sometimes. Painfully lonely. I will always remember this every time I feel lonely or scared or doubtful of myself. Thank you! You are a wonderful person 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreamer

Nice post lovee


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## infpnerdgirl

Selene, I love this...just thank you so much that really did help like a lot...you are amazing and should become a philosopher or a psychologist or something because you not only understand but can express it in words that just make so much sense. Seriously just thank you, thank you so much


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## Kalifornia310

so I actually teared up when reading this, yes.. sadly.. i did.. it was such a good read.

i feel connected again to the universe and to you selene, i wish I could read all the responses. but im helping a friend at the moment. thank you for your understanding and care! 

::hug::


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## damiencoold

awesome post, I realize so much from this. As and ENFP, it's so excited to be inspired back from someone.


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## Buckeye

Selene, i signed up specifically to say thank you for your wonderful post. needless to say, it was a rather stunning revelation to be told by someone i've never even met that the person i've been searching for all this time has been with me all along. 

wow, just wow. i've actually got a lot more to say, but there's too much swirling around in the gray matter right now for me to put it coherently. so, i'll just say thank you once again. you made my day/week/whoknowswhatelse.


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## Ming

Yay! :crazy: I wish that person would be there for me too...

Am I the only person who thought that 'there is NO way this person can be a STRAIGHT GUY'. :laughing:


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## Jwing24

I'm not feeling very articulate right now and I don't have time to read everything, but I want to say that I think the OP wrote a beautiful post that we can all think about when feeling down. I know I have felt down many a time and hearing something like this when no one is around would have been great.


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## Jwing24

I'm guessing many people had the "that was a guy?" thought, but I could see myself thinking such a thing. But then again the OP is an INFJ and so am I.


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## Gildar

again like many others very inspiring post. 



Jwing24 said:


> I'm guessing many people had the "that was a guy?" thought, but I could see myself thinking such a thing. But then again the OP is an INFJ and so am I.


.....and so many did i bet, sucks for us sensitive guys though


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## XXXX

This is utterly and unbelievably uplifting and inspiring.

I feel as if I've discovered someone new in myself who was there all along, yet I never bothered to talk to her. That angel......how could I have not seen her myself?

I also feel as if we are kinder to ourselves; if we are there for ourselves in our times of need; if we can reach out and heal ourselves when we are feeling depressed and alone......we will only make it easier for ourselves to help other people in their times of need. It only makes sense!

Thank you, thank you so much for your beautiful, life-changing post! :happy:


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## Selene

Thanks everyone for commenting and thanking my OP. I check back here periodically and I see more and more people responding, and I'm amazed that something I wrote so long ago on a momentary impulse could have an impact like that. There are some really beautiful and loving comments here, but I've been holding back on responding to them for a while. The main reason is that, for the past 9 months, I've felt that my original post was a piece of garbage.

Since around last September, I've been gradually losing contact with my feminine side. By December, I had lost almost all confidence in my ability to help people. The main culprit for this shift is my university psychology classes, which had the effect of making me feel ignorant, powerless, and hopeless as a therapist. They taught me that unless you have a doctorate, you know nothing about people and are not qualified to help them. Self-knowledge, intuition, empathy, love--all of these pale before the power of science, research, and logic. I was exposed to classmates and teachers who conveyed that helping a person involves skillfully manipulating or changing something about them to make them better, rather than simply being a good listener and helping them see themselves with more clarity and compassion. Trusting in myself and my feelings and thoughts without any training was considered to be foolish and harmful. To the establishment, I knew absolutely nothing. My opinions, experiences, and personal insights didn't matter unless they were published in a peer-reviewed journal. My entire process was deemed invalid. It completely disintegrated and fractured my worldview and my view of myself as someone who had something positive and special to offer. At the same time, I had several conflicts with friends, family, and teachers concerning sensitivity and neuroticism. They did not endorse my point of view, and I coped by becoming increasingly self-protective, defensive, hostile, and self-alienated.

This may come as a surprise, but if you had asked me for my opinion on my OP anytime in the past 9 months, I would have said something like the following: "I don't agree with that anymore. I tried it, and it didn't work. I was really cocky when I was writing that, and I just wanted positive attention from people who read it. I can see why it would be appealing, but it's just very naive and unrealistic. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I really didn't know what I was talking about, and I've moved on since then. But if it helps you, I'm glad."

I've started to come back around again. I don't want to judge myself for going down that path--I followed what seemed right to me, and this is where I've ended up. In some ways, I'm a shell of the person I was a year ago--my love is clouded and weak, and in its place I have a distrustful, hostile, easily enraged self. However, I'm still glad I went in that direction, because it's given me some experience of what not to do and what the consequences are.

I just wanted to say that I'm grateful to everyone who commented for reinforcing that what I say matters, it's helpful, and that there are other people like me...because I've really had my doubts. A week ago when I was feeling useless, I remembered this thread, and I read and reread everybody's comments, and I felt a bit warmer. My friend Snail from the forum has been helping me return to how I was last August. Just, please don't think that your kind words of appreciation are pointless or don't matter. If other people like me are too cold and defensive to take them in, you're still doing something positive.


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## hideandseek

This is very insightful and I feel sooo......
For a long time now i have been doubting myself, thinking that i am not good enough for the "real" world. It is now clear that by accepting who we are as a seekers of goodness and givers of love, we are -making- the world. I've never been religious, but at the back of my mind I have this faith in a fantasy...like the angel you described. This totally sums it up, thank you so much! Infinite x's and o's, xoxoxoxo

P.S. Let's see how long I hold on to this belief for... I'm a curious little bitch who never believes in there being only one answer...:crazy:


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## Selene

hideandseek said:


> P.S. Let's see how long I hold on to this belief for... I'm a curious little bitch who never believes in there being only one answer...:crazy:


Haha, nice. Yeah, don't limit yourself too much. If it doesn't work, then find something that does work.


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## snail

When I saw this online, it reminded me of the comforting angel figure you wrote about.


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## Jazibelle

Thank you Selene! 

It's really useful for me these days.


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## Aiam

Selene: a doctorate is nothing but a little piece of paper. I'm pretty damn sure that if we were to take your heartfelt, impulsive thoughts and see how many people here you've positively affected, and compare the number of people positively affected by those who think psychological help should always be cold, clinical, and manipulative, your successes would be orders of magnitude higher. And your successes would be much longer-lasting, and significant. 

While there's much value in science and rational inquiry, some use its complicated language and structures to obfuscate their own inadequacies. Don't let them project that crap onto you. It's their crap. Let 'em keep it. 

Clarity, honesty, and truth will win out every single time.


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## Psychosmurf

Woooow. If the picture of this baby

<--------------------------------

could smile, it would. :sad: roud:


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## spikyface

> When you feel lonely and abandoned, may you be cherished, loved, and comforted. *I hope someone puts their arms around you and touches you with such delicateness and care -- like they were tending to a sick child of polishing a beautiful crystal -- that the depth of their tenderness and warmth makes you break down into tears*. And then they will wipe your tears and feel touched that they were able to have an impact, and just feel that much more convinced that you are a person worth loving.


Fuck me that's beautiful, damn near did make me cry!


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## abitsilly

You do have an angel protecting you. My angel has broken and bloody wings from protecting me. The angel you see is yourself and my angel is me. We all have angels inside us.
Please understand I do not believe in god but from my experience I know that there is something out there bigger than us and it guides us and helps us.
Please find your angel and heal her.
Love and hugs to all of you.


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## bengalcat

Selene, thanks a lot for posting both the OP and the update. It really helps to see you honestly assess where you're at now with what you wrote those months ago. 

The modern day world of the helping professions can be hard to be in huh? I'm starting out studies for a helping profession too, I have also felt foolish for being sensitive and an advocate for believing in and respecting that people know themselves and have their own process (which we are there to support, not manipulate). 

Given that you're studying psychology I suppose you have already come across him, but just in case you haven't, have you read any Carl Rogers? In one of his books he cites research (I'm not sure if it was his own or someone else's) that basically found that the sense of well-being in a client was correlated most strongly to the level of empathy they felt from their therapist, and to how genuinely listened to they felt. His claim was that the therapist's empathy was the most significant factor contributing to a client's positive development, whereas the technique the therapist used or school of thought they came from was less important. My mum also recently told me about an article (I think it it was in Scientific American Mind?) about how empathy from a doctor greatly improves the experience and the outcome of patients.

I can see the point in "skillfully manipulating or changing something about them to make them better", certainly it's true that there are techniques for manipulating people and perhaps it's akin to believing that the cure is all in the pill, if something can be changed in someone with them having to put in the least amount of effort possible then surely that seems the most effective and efficient way to "fix"? 

What I realised from my classmates is that people who go into the helping professions can be people who really want to be able to help people "be better", and they believe that schooling gives them the knowledge of "what is needed for people to be better". Once they go out into the working world, it's sort of like:

"I see you have this problem. I know what the answer to this problem is, it's X. You therefore need X. Do X/Take X." 

If the person doesn't comply, either explicitly or through passive means, the professional can get quite agitated because they really want to help and they feel the person is thwarting their efforts to do good. It's like the helping becomes about the professionals desire to fix or help rather than about what the person is going through. 

Manipulating or changing something about a person seems to be a way to avoid the agitation, you don't have to wait for them to agree or negotiate or figure it out in their own time. It's a matter of perspective - you can help by doing something TO a person, you can help by doing something WITH a person, and you can help by doing something FOR a person. Paternalistic, vs partner, vs server. To be honest the paternalistic approach your uni seems to be preaching sounds rather unethical, psychologists in particular have to be super careful not to unduly influence people or use them without their knowledge. 

You seem to have believed in the partnership approach. For what it's worth, getting this from a stranger on the internet, I believe that the partnership approach is the best. The biggest problem with the paternalistic approach is that the professional may be incorrectly assuming what is best for the client. I mean...... they're a whole other person! It's never easy to know who another person really is or what they really need, but finding out is made so much more difficult when you take listening to them out of the equation. I think poo-poohing empathy and listening is really dangerous because you're more likely to act based on your own agenda, which could turn out to be harmful for this particular person.

It also comes down ultimately to your values. So what if you are effective in "helping" someone by secretly pulling strings? If you are destroying your own sense of integrity and faith in yourself in the process, then it's not an effective technique. If you need to follow a practice that makes you feel cynical, worse about yourself and human beings in general in order to "heal", ultimately it's not a healing practice. Your work is not just about you and one particular client but about all your relationships and your whole outlook. There are lots of jaded health professionals around and I suspect they are not terribly effective (and in some cases, are actively damaging) despite the fact they are using all the tricks in the book. 

If you haven't read Carl Rogers yet, I highly highly recommend it. He was a psychologist, a professional who did research, and yet you can feel the honesty, care, warmth and belief in people that he had in his writings. 

Your OP meant something to me as it has for so many others. I know I need to re-read it. If nothing else, you already achieved a lot through that one post roud: I really hope you've been able to get reacquainted with yourself even more these past few months :happy:

P.s. One final note: Before there were therapists and psychologists (and even today! :shocked people were helped by friends, relatives, even random strangers who provided a kind, compassionate ear when they were in need. Paid professionals get paid, it doesn't mean they solve all the world's problems.


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## Selene

bengalcat said:


> Stuff :happy:


Thanks for your very well-thought out post. The truth is that right now, I disagree not only with my OP, but also with my update. I'm not so much against it as that I'm just not for it. It's like most things I write...they're obsolete within a couple seconds.  But, if someone else likes my writing, that's totally cool.

I have read Carl Rogers and put a lot of passion into him. I've been a zealot and a crusader for his ideas, and the past year has been a struggle with admitting that his ideas are not a cure for cancer. ^_^ I've been a dogmatist, and I've latched onto his cool and awesome-sounding ideas like a religion. And it goes against the spirit of Rogers--I perceive him as being very undogmatic, holistic, and embracing of the totality of people.

I feel like a lot of NFs fall into the trap that I have. They apply the concepts of "acceptance", "empathy", and "genuineness" in narrow-minded and exclusive ways. Those ideas become goals, and they're an excuse to tell yourself that you're awesome for having those goals. Then, they justify maligning anybody else who isn't on your same crusade. "Empathy" is only directed at the like-minded--those who also value empathy. Haha.

It's kind of like you said about how for many helpers, "helping" is more about fulfilling a personal destiny than about the client's well-being. If you can't be helpful, you feel miserable. Clients are a stepping stone for your spiritual and emotional gain. I really can't prove it, but I'd bet that this kind of personal interest might get in the way of helping. Though, that doesn't stop me from doing it nonetheless. 

I'm nervous about the words "help" and "heal" (which you also put in quotes). They imply that the "helper" is fixing or healing a passive "helped". I like Rogers' picture of the helper as merely creating conditions that allow the potential or resources of the client to come out. However, I still feel like this picture is easily misinterpreted. It makes it seem like the helper is the key ingredient--the helper creates the "necessary and sufficient conditions", which are the cause of client change. The helper is still the active one.

But, I feel like conceptualizing the helper as "helping" or "facilitating" or doing anything active at all...it seems very manipulative. It's like the therapist is manipulating or controlling his/her self to make themselves into something for the client. Like, "I try to make myself THIS, and by doing so I help the client." But, that contradicts Rogers' idea of congruence. I'm probably going out into left field, but it reminds me a bit of Taoism and the idea of _wu-wei_ ("without action"). And it also reminds me of Mahayana Buddhism:

_Giving empty of gift, giver, and recipient
Is a transcendent perfection beyond this world.
When attachment to these three arises
that is a mundane transcendent perfection
-Chandrakirti
_
I feel like Rogers would say that concepts about what empathy is or the right way to help are far from the actual organismic experience of empathy. "Congruence" dictates that real empathy can't be forced or manipulated into existence. The concept of "empathy" is a hindrance to real empathy, just as the concept of "love" is a hindrance to real love. And I feel like all of this relates to Rogers' ideas about organismic trusting and openness to experience. You have to let go of convoluted theories to get to what's beneath that, which is you in the present moment.

[End absurd Buddhist tangent.]

Don't trust me. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just try to sound smart. And, if you asked me to repeat it, I couldn't. It's very flimsy. I try not to think about it.

Oh...sorry, bengalcat -- I didn't address anything in your actual post. :crazy:


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## bengalcat

> They apply the concepts of "acceptance", "empathy", and "genuineness" in narrow-minded and exclusive ways. Those ideas become goals, and they're an excuse to tell yourself that you're awesome for having those goals. Then, they justify maligning anybody else who isn't on your same crusade. "Empathy" is only directed at the like-minded--those who also value empathy. Haha.


Hmmmm. I think you're being harsh there. I'd say those ideas _can_ become goals and they _can_ be an excuse to tell yourself that you're awesome for having these goals. Some people apply them in narrow-minded and exclusive ways but I don't know if it's the majority of NFs. And maybe for people who do, it's part of their development? It's not like we're born perfectly formed and free from myopia or self-interest. 

It seems that what you're basically saying is that you want to avoid seeing or putting yourself into a big saviour role. 



> I feel like Rogers would say that concepts about what empathy is or the right way to help are far from the actual organismic experience of empathy. "Congruence" dictates that real empathy can't be forced or manipulated into existence. The concept of "empathy" is a hindrance to real empathy, just as the concept of "love" is a hindrance to real love. And I feel like all of this relates to Rogers' ideas about organismic trusting and openness to experience. You have to let go of convoluted theories to get to what's beneath that, which is you in the present moment.


Yeah, real empathy just is. Where is the fire here? :happy: Do you feel like your thinking about empathy has gotten in the way of being naturally empathic? If all it takes is letting go of convoluted theories to get to the real, then....... just let go?

What's funny is that you seem to object to the over-conceptualising of I dunno, "virtuous traits", because this makes them inauthentic and more likely to be cynically used, or used for selfish purposes? And yet you seem to enjoy conceptualising things.... 

About your OP... I do need to re-read it but what I pulled from it that I liked is the idea that the love or the saving grace that we look for outside of ourselves is inside us. 

Eh, there's more I could say but I've reached either my Stuff quota or my Self-importance quota :tongue:


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## MicheleInHarmony

It has been most interesting skimming this thread. I have to admit that is what I do. I read much of the OP then I started skimming the rest. It was good to read it even though it left me still empty. I am in a good mood at this time and yet still so extremely lonely. I have rather given up hope on love and sincere friendships. How nice to visualize someone like an angel and yet I really want a real someone. A someone to cuddle with IRL.

Selene, yes I must bring you back to this thread again.  (btw how do people do that @ thing? It's probably way stinking simple and most any teen knows how.) Something I found most intriguing in reading your continued insight into yourself and your original post is the reason I have not bothered writing with the intention to publish. I have found that I will blog something which helps me over whatever hurdle and then I end up thinking totally different a few weeks down the road. As I grow and change my outlook does as well. I do find myself constantly returning to certain things I believe to be true, and yet with a totally fresh outlook on them.


----------



## Selene

MicheleInHarmony said:


> It has been most interesting skimming this thread. I have to admit that is what I do. I read much of the OP then I started skimming the rest. It was good to read it even though it left me still empty. I am in a good mood at this time and yet still so extremely lonely. I have rather given up hope on love and sincere friendships. How nice to visualize someone like an angel and yet I really want a real someone. A someone to cuddle with IRL.
> 
> Selene, yes I must bring you back to this thread again.  (btw how do people do that @ thing? It's probably way stinking simple and most any teen knows how.) Something I found most intriguing in reading your continued insight into yourself and your original post is the reason I have not bothered writing with the intention to publish. I have found that I will blog something which helps me over whatever hurdle and then I end up thinking totally different a few weeks down the road. As I grow and change my outlook does as well. I do find myself constantly returning to certain things I believe to be true, and yet with a totally fresh outlook on them.


Hey--I don't really know how to respond...I'm not the same person who wrote the OP.  That's probably why I don't post in this thread too much anymore, even though people are still responding to the OP. The person who wrote the OP isn't around anymore. He's not dead, but he's vanished some way or other.  Just like the 'you' currently reading this post isn't the same one that I'm responding to. So, there isn't any response to give to the you presently reading my post...because I don't know what that 'you' is thinking. So, it could possibly be irrelevant for me to address the specific things you wrote about loneliness, your opinions about fantasy vs. real life, and the whole idea of changing and having some ideas to go back to. But yeah, do whatever is right--find that RL person if you'd like.

I'm glad I "published" the OP--even if the author isn't around anymore, some people seem to like what he wrote and find some encouragement in it. But yeah, it is pesky to write something and have people think that you're the author, or that there is an author.  This post is also without an author...and even going too far in emphasizing that would be a misleading path to take.

Don't feel bad about the "mention" feature--it's not super-simple. To get the @ sign, you have to go into Advanced while constructing your post. Then, you type the person's name you want to shout out to, highlight the text, and there's something that looks like a blowhorn--the right-most icon above the textbox. But then, sometimes if you hit Preview or edit your post later, it'll only display the @ once.

Anyways, you seem like you know what you're doing, as much as anybody.


----------



## RandomlyChildish

you just said what my heart has always wanted to say. thank you, for putting out some time to write this thread


----------



## Gabrielle Johnson

I find myself to be very stubborn in the sense that I find it difficult to let my guard down...
sensitivity can be rewarding when u do let go.


----------



## lightened

Sounds like a personality disorder if you asked me.


----------



## Vin The Dreamer

The part about "Visualizing Your Protector" reminded me of this:








And the thread as a whole reminds me of this video:





I really love this thread!:happy:


----------



## 7rr7s

what a rough morning, what a rough week I've had. This definantly cheered me up a little, so thanks for that.


----------



## Vermillion

This is so beautiful! A little mushy, but it got me in tears the first time I read it, so lovely. Someone should make a thread like this in the NT forum, goodness knows some of us could do with some motivation from time to time. I would make one, but I'm not feeling especially motivated at the moment...


----------



## Ryosuke93

"Isn't that the ultimate fantasy? When we seek love, it's not Prince Charming or the blonde bombshell. It's an angel who floats beside us at all times, and when we are hurt ... blankets us in its wings and makes us feel beautiful. Someone who, every time you look up, looks back with soft eyes, a soft smile, everything soft and gentle. Someone who, no matter how deep you sink, is there smiling lightly, listening and watching.

*I hope you find the people who treasure your fragility -- who view it not as a weakness, but just an indication that the more valuable and precious things in this world require extra care and gentleness... *[hug]

You are that person. If you were able to imagine that angel, then for that moment, you were being healed by some part of you which, although part of a fantasy, was still your real creation. Notice how, when you imagine this perfect person, sometimes you take on their perspective...you see yourself from the eyes of the person who is healing you. You are this person--who else could this angel possibly be when it's only your imagination and nobody else's?

*If your sadness deepens, then so can your care for yourself.* Taking care of yourself and taking personal responsibility for your own suffering and being slightly more independent does not mean "sucking it up" and trying to play the tough guy. That is what people usually mean when they tell someone to cheer up...stifling your feelings. I'm saying that healing yourself actually requires the opposite approach. You need to get into even deeper touch with your feelings, encountering yourself in solitude and breaking through the barriers which other people create, opening up to yourself. And, like an angel ... embracing, caring for, and feeling empathy and compassion towards yourself. When you see yourself as this weak, feeble, innocent, naked infant crawling around and crying desperately for help...it means cradling and nurturing that weak self that you find. <3

*I'm basically saying, try to put all of that sensitivity and emotionality and heavy-heartedness to some good. You deserve everything that you wish for. :happy:* "

@Selene 
Thank you very much for this. I will try to remember these good points. Your message has made me feel better already. Thank you!


----------



## run.away.unicorn

thanks to this thread i regain sanity once in a while...


----------



## jkschwartz

Selene said:


> Isn't that the ultimate fantasy? When we seek love, it's not Prince Charming or the blonde bombshell. It's an angel who floats beside us at all times, and when we are hurt ... blankets us in its wings and makes us feel beautiful. Someone who, every time you look up, looks back with soft eyes, a soft smile, everything soft and gentle. Someone who, no matter how deep you sink, is there smiling lightly, listening and watching.


Perhaps Selene's views have changed over time but.. I'm going having a tough time burying the memories of someone I cared for, and I still hope to meet someone that fits this exact description - someday.


----------



## Cross

You really got my memory and imagination jogging... Thank you. I do have a protector and healer within my imagination. He may be different everytime, but he's always one who consitutes my values and morals as well as a determination that I may or may not have at the time. Apparently my protector is not an angel, but a warrior or fighter. Many times in my imagination have I imagined myself taking on the role of a warrior as well. It's so adventurous in my own world that way. In the real world I am quite shy or timid, though in reading this post, I would agree that I do manifest that one time or another. When I was young I used to be physically violent. That's a very bad thing I guess, but I'm glad I grew out of that. My timid nature, coupled with being corteous, respectful, and kind (as much as I try to be) towards others can be overturned when my value systems are questioned, challenged or attacked (it's a thing about me that resonates with this NF temperamet). That is my nature that shows I will not back down. It's my strength and my weakness at the same time, but I like myself just the way I am.

Still got a long way to go, still have a lot of maturation to be doing, but at least my imagination keeps it fun.


----------



## Jharaiz

I really wish Selena was still active to hear me say how very grateful I am that she took the time to write this.
If she ever does revisit the site and the page, from all of us, lonely, quiet, fun, warm, caring and silly idealists - Thank you


----------



## passionista

EvilByte said:


> I believe people are always worthwhile. And that's why it is so important for one to believe in one's own worth. Fantasies can be the best coping mechanisms out there. But fantasies can only go so far if you don't believe in yourself. You should always be the hero or the saved in your own fantasies (even if it's incredibly tragic). Once you're worth the time in your own fantasies, then you'll find you're worth it all the time. And I'm sure even the loneliest person in the world has someone out there to care for him/her.
> 
> Even if one was the last person left alive, there would still be someone to care for him/her.


Really enjoyed reading this. I have been feeling empty these last few days.

Decided to break up with the bf. 

This helped.


----------



## Carmine Ermine

Selene said:


> by imagining yourself a certain way, you actually are that way in the moment, and it creates the conditions for you becoming that more often in the future without even trying.


May this idea prosper. Absolutely excellent!


----------



## Selene

jkschwartz said:


> Perhaps Selene's views have changed over time but.. I'm going having a tough time burying the memories of someone I cared for, and I still hope to meet someone that fits this exact description - someday.


(Thanks for understanding that I change.) Yeah, it's cool to meet nice people who bring out the best in you and vice versa. I hope whatever care or sadness you have can be of benefit.



Gettingacrossthebridge said:


> You really got my memory and imagination jogging... Thank you. I do have a protector and healer within my imagination. He may be different everytime, but he's always one who consitutes my values and morals as well as a determination that I may or may not have at the time. Apparently my protector is not an angel, but a warrior or fighter. Many times in my imagination have I imagined myself taking on the role of a warrior as well. It's so adventurous in my own world that way. In the real world I am quite shy or timid, though in reading this post, I would agree that I do manifest that one time or another. When I was young I used to be physically violent. That's a very bad thing I guess, but I'm glad I grew out of that. My timid nature, coupled with being corteous, respectful, and kind (as much as I try to be) towards others can be overturned when my value systems are questioned, challenged or attacked (it's a thing about me that resonates with this NF temperamet). That is my nature that shows I will not back down. It's my strength and my weakness at the same time, but I like myself just the way I am.
> 
> Still got a long way to go, still have a lot of maturation to be doing, but at least my imagination keeps it fun.


Yeah, I can totally imagine a protector who's more of a fighter/warrior and gives a feeling of strength, stability, energy, etc. That feeling that you can go out and conquer the world, or the feeling of being safely grounded and deeply rooted like a very large/heavy stone monolith. Sounds good.



Amaterasu said:


> This is so beautiful! A little mushy, but it got me in tears the first time I read it, so lovely. Someone should make a thread like this in the NT forum, goodness knows some of us could do with some motivation from time to time. I would make one, but I'm not feeling especially motivated at the moment...


Mushy like oatmeal.  I'm not sure what it would look like, but it would be pretty cool if there were something like a guide or support for NT-minded people seeking meaning through their own methods/avenues. (Maybe there is one, but I haven't gone looking.)



Jharaiz said:


> I really wish Selena was still active to hear me say how very grateful I am that she took the time to write this.
> If she ever does revisit the site and the page, from all of us, lonely, quiet, fun, warm, caring and silly idealists - Thank you


Thanks--it's nice to come back here and feel appreciated. NF's are generally cute, lol.


----------



## statictext

Wow. Im speechless. I needed to read that. Thanks


----------



## dawn1129

Okay I just wanted to say that that was absolutely BEAUTIFUL and made my night. You are so kind-hearted and I could feel the love. I could totally relate. It's like I feel so alone right now but as I type there are so many other human be-ings out there feeling exactly as I do. And I love them. THANK YOU, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL <3


----------



## PrincessSerena

This is beautiful...Thank you so much for posting this because I have been having a rough time lately and I feel like no one really understands but you do.


----------



## KathleenWaters

Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I really needed to hear that, it felt like you were directly talking to me about what I'm going through right now. It's really nice to know that there are other people in the world who get it. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't bring me close to tears. Thank you again.


----------



## Female INFJ

...what?...

Selene whenever I read your posts I am in awe *I usually make a double take* of their beauty. I don't believe we've met, but you are one of the most beautiful INFJ's in the way you express yourself.


----------



## Dr.Horrible

I have been rejected countless times over my entire life of 28 years.
When my heart is set on fire and my passion burns to create art and music for someone I like it scares them away. the most recent BURN I have is for an INFP girl.I often feel like no one wants to run alongside me in life and that I am running a race all on my own


----------



## austin_music

It's too long but it's a nice read.


----------



## WickerDeer

I don't know if I've said this, but I love this! I've read it several times and it's never failed to move me. I think that's really special that you can help someone you've never even met--maybe this is an example of how helping one's self helps others. 

I get something new out of it every time. Thank you.


----------



## ATLeow

This is beautiful and the world is a less oppressive place with people like you to make it beautiful. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you. I hope I can do something like this myself one day.


----------



## Deadaccount

Selene said:


> The point is that, by imagining yourself a certain way, you actually are that way in the moment, and it creates the conditions for you becoming that more often in the future without even trying.


Very beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for posting. The line above particularly got to me. I'll keep it in mind :happy:
.


----------



## rhogue

> I often feel like no one wants to run alongside me in life and that I am running a race all on my own


I'm a bit late to this forum, but I found it so I know others will too. Anyway, Dr. Horrible, that quote really made me think. My whole life I have found that I blaze trails and leave so many I love out. Sometimes I blame them or blame myself when I look around and no one is left, just me. But I can say everyone reading this, you are making the right steps to trying to find happiness. You are putting yourself out there just by trying to connect. And someone else said on here... "By finding someone else in isolation, you are then not in isolation". It's very true, as I type this and you may be reading this, alone. I've already found much consolation in the words here, and you can too. I'm struggling to come out of the dark, but right now I feel okay :]


----------



## downtheline

austin_music said:


> It's too long but it's a nice read.


Agreed


----------



## brianbsmiley

Selene said:


> You feel ugly because you are groundless and lost, while everybody else seems to be found and firmly planted. You feel separate, distinct, isolated. And you may be all of those things, but you are still not ugly.


Okay I am not going to lie...I cried while reading this :') 

I was about to quote the whole thing because I found it ALL helped me in some shape or form but I decided to quote what really got me hooked into reading the rest of it. 

I thank you for this post, so much.

The protector thing is what got me also because I know that I have visualized a perfect person comforting me for as long as I can remember and now I want to start visualizing an angel and begin to say these things to myself. I am that angel...and only I can be the one to actively change my outlook on _myself_. 

There would be times (including now) where I would purposefully not take care of myself...because I thought that I didn't deserve it. Somehow I was punishing myself and I would eat crap food, do bad things for my body, not take care of my health, and I have come to realize that it is always after someone rejects me. I wondered why I punished myself for this and not the person who hurt me and it all came back to me not thinking I measured up to ANYONE'S standards. "If I am not good enough for anybody to love and accept me, than I sure as hell am not good enough to love and accept *myself*."

It truly is a lot deeper than other people might think. It is not the typical "Fall in love, heart get's broken, boo hoo get over yourself" kind of thing. It is because of much _deeper_ problems that I have had to come to grips with and face those demons head on. Because even when I observe myself after someone breaks my heart, I think to myself "I need to get OVER this already, what is my problem?!" I even understand that normal people do not get this hurt by heartbreak...or at least they don't show it. So, this post really made me realize that I have to embrace that heartache and get through it...not wallow in it. The pain from my past is ultimately what is causing me to be _so intensely _hateful of myself...and I need to start loving myself or this cycle will never end.

Sorry I wrote so much, this post was just very amazing and meant a lot to me. I will be rereading this anytime I feel down...and I will be sharing this with some friends I know need it right now as well. Thank you again  *hugs*


----------



## FabledVisionist

This thread tells me that loneliness is just my calling for affection and needs that others who are not as sensitive do not have as much. To embrace the fantasies through feelings. This does not mean a T type is always insensitive. This just means a T type may be less sensitive and desire affection less often, to handle conflict better because they use the frontal lobe of the brain more than the temporal lobe. That a Ti/Te first or second function user will cry less, desire affection less, or maybe not know how to go about giving affection. While an F type who has Fi/Fe in their first/second function would play it back in their heads how they would go about giving affection through their sensitive minds much more often.

In short.

Embrace sensitivity to grow further.


----------



## Lucid Dreamer

Selene, I wish I could just hug you right now. That was beautiful, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy :happy:. Thank you so much for posting this.


----------



## kspr

istp here. i hear we're a good match, you enfj's and me. anyone from the chicago area?


----------



## Mountmiles

Selene said:


> If you were able to imagine that angel, then for that moment, you were being healed by some part of you which, although part of a fantasy, was still your real creation. Notice how, when you imagine this perfect person, sometimes you take on their perspective...you see yourself from the eyes of the person who is healing you. You are this person--who else could this angel possibly be when it's only your imagination and nobody else's?


This is the most helpful advice I ever received. It is also the most touching thing I ever read. I thank you from the bottom of my heart to you Selene.


----------



## Copester767

There are no words- this spoke to my soul. 

You are a wonderful writer and makes me proud to be INFP!

Simply beautiful, thank you so much


----------



## Fibonacci

This was so beautiful. *holds back the tears*


----------



## C3bBb

kspr said:


> istp here. i hear we're a good match, you enfj's and me. anyone from the chicago area?


Lakeview what up!


----------



## kspr

what the actual fuck happened today? it snowed in mundelein


----------



## C3bBb

kspr said:


> what the actual fuck happened today? it snowed in mundelein


Really? It was fine here.. No rain, just cold lol (I'm from New Orleans so anything below 50 degs I consider cold).


----------



## Ronin_dreamer

thank you for sharing this :kitteh: I already imagined a pack of protectors- but this served as a happy reminder


----------



## EminentFate

Selene said:


> You are that person.


----------



## FancyProseStyle

I am an ENTJ going through some shit and I can relate to most of that. Personalities are way more dynamic than is the norm to believe. Thank you for posting this.


----------



## Violator Rose

For the longest time I thought I was crazy for a fantasy like that. My protector, my guardian, my angel who loves me unconditionally.....he doesn't exist. Yet I still think about him in times of despair. I've been doing this for years. He has a face, he has a name.....and because of this, I thought I was going crazy.

I've noticed that I've been distancing myself from this fantasy lately. I don't think about my angel nearly as much as I used to, because I felt as if it was insane. But it makes me feel good to think about him. Why would I deny myself good feelings, especially when I am feeling heartbroken?

Sent from my HTCPO881 Sprint using Tapatalk


----------



## Ad Astra

Thanks for posting this. It really makes everything feel a bit simpler.


----------



## Silvi

I really want to hug you right now, but I can't. So I'm just going to settle for this teddy I have in my lap and hug it instead.

Thank you for posting this. You are lovely. <3


----------



## denasmee

My goodness this thread. So enlightening. This morning for two hours I was crying trying to be nice to myself and I was feeling all of the negative things u were talking about. I was trying to tell myself that it was going to be okay and that I really needed someone to hug and hear me and love me. Although I was doing this the negative criticism in my head seemed to overpower the good. But maybe it has to do w practice, I've had alot of time to practice beating myself up so that's probably why it's harder to have the positive overcome... I'm not sure really. But it was so nice to come upon this and see that I wasn't alone. I was feeling every single thing u touched on and it was really uplifting to see this. Thank you so much. Hugs


----------



## seasofme

That is so beautiful written, I read this with tears in my eyes and yes I know what you mean but it is so hard to be alone when there are thousands of other people in this world


----------



## exarlate

I actually feel like I got some sort of spiritual insight after reading this. Thank you, you beautiful soul.


----------



## Lati

Oh my goodness. All of these feelings. Thank you, thank you, love.


----------



## Wookiee

Selene said:


> When I see you, I see an intelligent, sensitive, creative, caring, conscientious, all-around amazing person. You have high expectations. And you are so determined to achieve them, to become this better person, that you feel ... it is worth the shame, the pain, the estrangement, the sense of being all by yourself ... but not even having that self which you can turn to, because everything is unstable, uncontrollable, and anxious.


Wow.
I join the forum, post my intro and the first post I read makes me cry haha. (The good kind)

You are a special person Selene


----------



## Xenograft

Well now I'm all unhinged.


----------



## Silverdawn

Who's cutting onions here? ;_; Joking aside, this is a beautifully written piece with a lot of truth in it. I think I'll stick it in a notepad document and leave it on my desktop so I can have a reminder.


----------



## tcsquared

"too everything, and not enough of everything else. Does that sound familiar?"

Too familiar. I feel sensitive, needy and lonely when people do not get me and brush me off as a hack
because they cannot put me in a box full of things they can easily figure out. *MASSIVE SIGH*


----------



## bridmaga

It was very nice to read such a thoughtful excerpt specially since I have been doubting whether my deeper side was sane or not.


----------



## Akbar2k7

I am all of these things and I wish I wasn't lol. Its a part of me I rarely show to people. So I go gym and hide my emotion under the weight of heavy squats. I write my words on a page too sometimes. I am not ashamed of being these things anymore but id still rather bee more stoic. Which i am to the outside world but i still feel it all.


----------



## Nephilibata

thanks for creating this thread. I'll remember this when I'm having a bad day.


----------



## pixiepearl4

If I wasn't reading this on a bus and I was alone is sob right about now. This thread, the creator, everything about this place is beautiful. Thank you 😊 I'll look back to this message when I need a light to guide me c:


----------



## carolineatlantis

your fantasy is your reality 
Much thanks


----------



## OneWingedSparrow

Thank you for making this beautiful thread and for everyone who replied and shared their precious thoughts. Now I know what I have to do after all this pitfall of loneliness and self-pity I've been through for so many years. I shall learn to be my own guardian angel


----------



## ectomorphine

It's ok.. I'm dying too


----------



## Deejaz

@ectomorphine hold on... okay? 

can we all hold on together 


(Tapatalking)


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

I kind of need someone to talk to about my.. current situation, preferably someone who won't be too judgemental...


----------



## Goetterdaemmerung

Nightstorm said:


> Oh boy...
> 
> This thread kind of makes me uncomfortable. I'm a sensitive person but I don't like being coddled and told that it's ok to be excessively sensitive and needy.
> 
> I see it as a personal weakness, it's something that holds me back from growing and I'd honestly rather be stronger and more resilliant emotionally.
> 
> Major props to the whole "imagining your needs being met and feeling a sense of wholeness" explaination though. That is soooo accurate.


It makes me uncomfortable too.


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

Waiting for the day I can seeeeeeee yoooouuuuu~
And its killinnnngg meee insiiiiddde.
How much longer.... Willl it taaake
Cause Iii've haaad enough of this shiiitty wooorrrlllld alreeeaady.


----------



## Vast Silence

Ironically, I'm much more content now that I've accepted the fact that I will never be happy.

I'm 28, 33% of the way to the grave unless I get lucky on the way and I end sooner rather than later. 
Chin up lads and ladies, its not so bad.


----------



## Fennel

I think I need someone to talk to... Feelings and thoughts about my current situation have me paralyzed. Maybe I'm just being too negative, but I seem to be stuck in a dark spiral.


----------



## SilverFalcon

_Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking._ 
*Marcus Aurelius*


----------



## totodaj

(Man it's long and meaningless. If you want to read it, then read it. I warned you. But this hollowness is contagious. Proceed with caution.)

I am kind of a sensitive person on the inside. But i don't really feel sadness nor happiness, only emptiness. I kind of start to like it, but people say i'm uninterested about them and everything. And that's a bit true. I don't really care about anything anymore. And actually I like to be lonely. I crave for it. But then again. What is my use for this world. I can't really give anything really. I'm just. And it doesn't really bother me that much. Maybe my family. But i gave up on myself already. I have great talents, but if i don't use it, it just goes to waste. And it's way worse than just being incapable and helpless. Idk. I like watching clouds. It would be nice if i could be a ghost. I don't really want ot go to heaven or anything. They are too good there. I just want to observe that i see and do nothing. Yeah pretty much.


----------



## confused_doggo

Thank you for posting this. <3


----------



## LittleDreamer

I kept avoiding this thread because I detest letting myself feel this way. And I go to great lengths to change or hide it. Project a false image.
But I feel so sensitive, lonely, and needy. I _am_ sensitive, needy, and lonely. It's not just something fleeting. I seek out music that fits how I feel and I stick to it. Wrapping myself up with it as if it's a blanket. Warm at first...eventually suffocating.


----------



## SilverFalcon

Do not despair for sensitivity, be thankful. As heavy as this gift can be to bear, it was given to us for a reason.






I thank

God made, god made a twig,
so I could tie a wreath.
I thank, I thank for pain,
that teaches me to ask.
Thanks, thanks for the failure,
that will teach me diligence,
so that I, so that I could bring a gift,
though I hardly have any strength left.
Thanks, thanks, thanks.

Thanks for weakness,
that teaches me humbleness,
humbleness, humbleness for joy,
humbleness without submission.
Thanks, for tears I thank,
that will teach me feelings,
to those living, who, to those living who complain
and cry for empathy.
Thanks, thanks, thanks.

For yearning, for yearning for beauty
I thank for ugliness,
for that battle of
love and hate.
For sweetness, for sweetness of falling asleep
I thank for weariness,
I thank for ignition of fire
and bubbling of weir.
Thanks, thanks, thanks.

I thank for thirst,
that betrayed weakness,
I thank, I thank for anguish
that will refine art.

For that I love,
though fear clutched my heart,
ewe lamb, I thank you,
you didn't die for nothing.
Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks.


----------



## Instinktual

SilverFalcon said:


> Do not despair for sensitivity, be thankful. As heavy as this gift can be to bear, it was given to us for a reason


Precisely. And remember, sensitivity is only negative if all you see is the negative. There are two sides to everything, and the key to a happier life is to minimize the negative side, and maximize the positive.

If you're a sensitive soul in an insensitive world, change the world. Or rather, change your immediate reality. I've found a lot of truth in the saying "we create our own reality". 
I used to be the same way, would have given anything to be "normal", and so I subjected myself to the things normal people did. Like watching the news every night, subjecting myself to horror and gory movies (cause all guys like that, right?), going to rowdy parties getting drunk, etc. All it did was make me more depressed, and hating myself even more. Until one day I realized the problem wasn't me being sensitive, it was me trying to be Insensitive.
So I stopped watching the mainstream news, opting for media that actually catered to the things I find interesting. I stopped watching and listening to things that upset me. And guess what? My life wasn't poorer for it, quite the opposite. The beauty of today's world, is that we now have choices. 
When I grew up, we only had one tv channel (yes, I'm old :gentleman, and so whatever was on that channel, and whatever our parents and friends would talk about, was our whole world. And if we didn't fit in that world, then there was something wrong with us. Nowadays, there are thousands of worlds out there, you just need to find the ones that fit you.

That doesn't mean you should cocoon yourself, there are always going to be things in this world that hurt us sensitives. But it is possible to reduce the amount of things that hurt us, and when you do, you will be better equipped to deal with the things you can't avoid.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, there is a better life out there for us, and that life starts with admitting and fully accepting that we ARE sensitive. And screw what the world thinks about that.
Or try this: you're a penguin in Africa. You can either sit around in the sun like all the "normals", waiting to die of heatstroke, or you can hijack a freighter and sail to Antarctica, somewhere you belong..


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## Marshy

nuzzles you rawr :3 xD ♥♥ xP lulz so cute ur such a qtπ pls nuzzle back ;D ;p


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## Fennel

SilverFalcon said:


> I thank
> 
> God made, god made a twig,
> so I could tie a wreath.
> I thank, I thank for pain,
> that teaches me to ask.
> Thanks, thanks for the failure,
> that will teach me diligence,
> so that I, so that I could bring a gift,
> though I hardly have any strength left.
> Thanks, thanks, thanks.
> 
> Thanks for weakness,
> that teaches me humbleness,
> humbleness, humbleness for joy,
> humbleness without submission.
> Thanks, for tears I thank,
> that will teach me feelings,
> to those living, who, to those living who complain
> and cry for empathy.
> Thanks, thanks, thanks.
> 
> For yearning, for yearning for beauty
> I thank for ugliness,
> for that battle of
> love and hate.
> For sweetness, for sweetness of falling asleep
> I thank for weariness,
> I thank for ignition of fire
> and bubbling of weir.
> Thanks, thanks, thanks.
> 
> I thank for thirst,
> that betrayed weakness,
> I thank, I thank for anguish
> that will refine art.
> 
> For that I love,
> though fear clutched my heart,
> ewe lamb, I thank you,
> you didn't die for nothing.
> Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks.


This is so beautiful. Thank you.


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## C00lCatNaps

I'm touched, sometimes things can be and will be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes we do see thru people but still stick around whether its up to us or not, but confidence is key, if your anything & everything was on the line who's to say hold or fold. Your mind should always be protected but most important so should your heart ❤ . 
Make sure that your uniqueness should be brought out behind closed doors lol by the one who brings the best out of you.. If you feel like you're drowning they'll be there to help scoop you out of any situation , a partner is a ride or die, that's right or wrong/ wrong or right. A team effort , positive criticism to better ourself so we don't show weakness or know how to control the outcome if people to try and take advantage of our kindness. Everyone is different & anyone can be the same , what's your sign and how can I help you help me make a better place for both of us xD I'm gonna try to answer those questions best as I can without exposing confidentiality 😉😋☺ thanks 

Yours Truly -


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## AriesLilith

Instinktual said:


> Precisely. And remember, sensitivity is only negative if all you see is the negative. There are two sides to everything, and the key to a happier life is to minimize the negative side, and maximize the positive.
> 
> If you're a sensitive soul in an insensitive world, change the world. Or rather, change your immediate reality. I've found a lot of truth in the saying "we create our own reality".
> I used to be the same way, would have given anything to be "normal", and so I subjected myself to the things normal people did. Like watching the news every night, subjecting myself to horror and gory movies (cause all guys like that, right?), going to rowdy parties getting drunk, etc. All it did was make me more depressed, and hating myself even more. Until one day I realized the problem wasn't me being sensitive, it was me trying to be Insensitive.
> So I stopped watching the mainstream news, opting for media that actually catered to the things I find interesting. I stopped watching and listening to things that upset me. And guess what? My life wasn't poorer for it, quite the opposite. The beauty of today's world, is that we now have choices.
> When I grew up, we only had one tv channel (yes, I'm old :gentleman, and so whatever was on that channel, and whatever our parents and friends would talk about, was our whole world. And if we didn't fit in that world, then there was something wrong with us. Nowadays, there are thousands of worlds out there, you just need to find the ones that fit you.
> 
> That doesn't mean you should cocoon yourself, there are always going to be things in this world that hurt us sensitives. But it is possible to reduce the amount of things that hurt us, and when you do, you will be better equipped to deal with the things you can't avoid.
> 
> I guess what I'm trying to say is, there is a better life out there for us, and that life starts with admitting and fully accepting that we ARE sensitive. And screw what the world thinks about that.
> Or try this: you're a penguin in Africa. You can either sit around in the sun like all the "normals", waiting to die of heatstroke, or you can hijack a freighter and sail to Antarctica, somewhere you belong..


Thank you for your post. @SilverFalcon’s one as well.

Since some time ago I’ve been in a pretty bad place. Emotionally and psychologically, and I’ve been so tired because things have been exhausting too. And I’ve realised how much insensitivity there is around, something I never truly noticed and looked at before.

This world can be so insensitive. Not because people are mean but because they were also subjected to insensitivity and pain that drove them to be hardened.

I’ve been trying to face my own inner negative things. It’s so uncomfortable but I try to dig things out. Some things I never realised about it. It’s been so hard, but I must do it.
But it’s so hard to remain myself to be in the light. To be positive, courageous, empathetic, instead of letting negative emotions to consume me. Hatred, resentment, hurt, anger and all, inside me but I want to change it.

sometimes I succeed, sometimes I’m still that immature ugly person.

But Fe is great as when I empathize, I can be more understanding which in return I can solve the ugly emotions.

Sometimes I still want to hide from the world. Sometimes it can be so lonely.

I apologize for these rants. But thank you for this post, I needed to read this.


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## Sandstread

non XNFX here.

I feel alone w/o my enfp right now. Thats making me sensitive and terribly needy. 2 more months to go on our voyage and we should get home.


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## nomedaigual

Hi. I feel empty. In the past I would look for people here to talk to me, listen to my problems or befriends, but now I've realised is not so easy to get to know a person out of nothing, and non personal interaction lacks something. That makes me sad, because I don't think I will find a real friend in the sphere of people I currently move.


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## Adari

Thank you so much for writing this. I really needed it. There is a quote in the movie “into the wild” that says : The fragility of a crystal is not a weakness, but a fineness “ your encouraging words reminded me of this.


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## LizaChumbalaya

Thank you, Selene. That was absolutely beautiful


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## Eren Jaegerbomb

I feel bored and lonely...

And sad that somebody just doesn't seem to want to talk to me.... oh.... well.... I guess you can't be friends with everyone. :sadcloud::emptiness::frown:


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## terrihozz

Thank you so much for writing this. I really needed it. There is a quote in the movie “into the wild” that says : The fragility of a crystal is not a weakness, but a fineness “ your encouraging words reminded me of this.


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## Wellsy

We are the dreamers ^_^


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## Marvin the Dendroid

Wellsy said:


> We are the dreamers ^_^


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## Fennel

nomedaigual said:


> Hi. I feel empty. In the past I would look for people here to talk to me, listen to my problems or befriends, but now I've realised is not so easy to get to know a person out of nothing, and non personal interaction lacks something. That makes me sad, because I don't think I will find a real friend in the sphere of people I currently move.





Eroticarmin said:


> I feel bored and lonely...


Same. I feel lonely and empty too.

There's too much insensitivity around me irl that I'm forced to hide my feelings all the time, even thoughts and opinions. It's like I don't matter to anyone at all. I don't plan on being popular or anything, but I just wish someone would appreciate me for who I really am...


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## Firelily

sometimes its hard to find meaning in life and thats ok.


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## sunnyleo

.


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## Phil

Hello, I'd like 1 validation please, no pickles.


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## Eren Jaegerbomb

I just want a gosh_damn_ person I can open up to and be intimate (not necessarily romantic, just more sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings) with without being judged or having fear of judgement, and just _somebody, *somebody! *_I can be a goofball with. No filters! 
🤬😭😭😭


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## colder




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## Mystic MagentaRose

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I just want a gosh_damn_ person I can open up to and be intimate (not necessarily romantic, just more sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings) with without being judged or having fear of judgement, and just _somebody, *somebody! *_I can be a goofball with. No filters!
> 🤬😭😭😭


I feel this on so many levels. It seems like anytime I open up to people about my feelings, they get sort of overwhelmed by things and they always end up looking at me oddly. This is why it's very hard for me to open up to people because so many people judge. If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a message.


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## Fennel

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I just want a gosh_damn_ person I can open up to and be intimate (not necessarily romantic, just more sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings) with without being judged or having fear of judgement, and just _somebody, *somebody! *_I can be a goofball with. No filters!
> 🤬😭😭😭





Mystic MagentaRose said:


> I feel this on so many levels. It seems like anytime I open up to people about my feelings, they get sort of overwhelmed by things and they always end up looking at me oddly. This is why it's very hard for me to open up to people because so many people judge. If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a message.


Same. Same.

Talking to myself has gotten very old since the lockdowns. But now it's even harder because everyone has issues. More important or pressing concerns than how I'm feeling.


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## FrostMoon

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I just want a gosh_damn_ person I can open up to and be intimate (not necessarily romantic, just more sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings) with without being judged or having fear of judgement, and just _somebody, *somebody! *_I can be a goofball with. No filters!
> 🤬😭😭😭


I feel this too!😭


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## FrostMoon

I just want one person to be close to and talk about anything with and do stuff with. I crave deep connections, but have never had any. The people in my life prefer to keep away from me until they need something. 😭😭😭😭😭


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## WickerDeer

I can't find the INFP feeling thread and I'm a mess today, so going to just write here.

I feel like I want to have this neat, tidy map of how things should be, which can be overlayed on how they are. There is someone for everyone and people can all get along etc. It's probably childish and it sort of reminds me of how my grandma used to make her bed...like everything is perfectly in its place.

So it's like that or like some kind of map.

And I just feel so sad today because I don't know if it's real or if I am on that map of love. I don't know if there is a place for me, or that's how I feel.

I had a dream as a young child, that I was flying and then I got sucked down onto this Tupperware of archeopteryx like, fierce reptilian creatures. And they were just clawing to get out.

I associate the Tupperware with my grandma--it's like she put all the evils in the world in a Tupperware. But I don't know if I have the Tupperware magic to live like that. And now I find myself falling away from my childishly scribbled map of how everything is fine and love is supposed to work this way.

I think I just need to work on the map better--if I made a mistake I can just update it. Probably less of a map and more of a chart--like Thomas Aquinas thing--it probably has a name but idk and it's five in the morning. Theological map or something.



> Necessary love of neighbor
> The basic commandments is "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." From these follows three points regarding the love of our neighbor we must have:
> 
> First, it must be true love, that is, we must love him or her not in the sense that we may love chocolate or wine. When we love these we refer them to ourselves, whom we properly love. We must love our neighbors so as to will them good for their own sake, and not only inasmuch as they are pleasant or helpful to use.
> 
> Secondly, we must love our neighbor with an ordered love. Everyone loves his spiritual nature more than his bodily nature. This is evident from the fact that no one would prefer being an idiot to being blind. So also we must love the spiritual good of our neighbor more than his bodily good, and again, we must love his bodily good more than his external goods.
> 
> Thirdly, we must love our neighbors with a holy love, inasmuch as we must love both ourselves and them as made in the likeness of God, as ordered to God, and as called to communion with him. Since what is ordered to God is called holy, loving our neighbor for God's sake is a holy love.
> 
> Fourthly, we must love our neighbor with an efficacious love, that is, a love that proves itself by deeds, as St. John says, "let us not love in word or in speech, but in deed and in truth."


Perhaps I should read Thomas Aquinas or maybe some Buddhist texts.

What would be satisfying to me for selfish reasons? Being understood, having intimacy--physical intimacy too. I feel like humans sort of evolved to...or maybe it was just how I was raised, in part, feel safer when close proximity to those they trust. Being understood and accepted. Being loved and being able to feel that love. And of course being able to love and give the love that doesn't hurt anyone, but instead makes everything better for everyone. Having my spiritual health cared about, and emotional health, and physical health. I guess that's love.

It is early in the morning and I did sleep a few hours but woke up at 2am. The time reminds me of the Rumi poem:



* *





*Don't Go Back To Sleep*

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth
across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.




But I am tired--and yet if I go back to sleep, but I think he means it metaphorically.

But the sun is coming up now.


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## Namsayin

I've noticed a bit late that it is an old thread but just wanted to say thank you for those words, I forgot how much reading can make me from restless to a sleeping kitten


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## AetherBlue

I would like to add that this really helped me, I hope its ok to post here even though this thread is really old, but reading it brought tears to my eyes and warmed my heart. thank you so much for this encouragement, I really needed it.


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## Mystic MagentaRose

Thank you for posting this. I really needed to read this today. There's times where I find myself feeling so lonely and not understood by others simply because of the way I am. My sense of humor especially is all over the place and I find the weirdest things to be funny. Sometimes I just want someone else to laugh with and be able to open up too without them looking at me like I'm weird or judge me. It's so hard to find people who won't judge you, simply for being different.


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## LizaChumbalaya

This is a very beautiful and well-written post that applies to me in so many ways. Thank you.


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## 98403942

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I just want a gosh_damn_ person I can open up to and be intimate (not necessarily romantic, just more sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings) with without being judged or having fear of judgement, and just _somebody, *somebody! *_I can be a goofball with. No filters!
> 🤬😭😭😭


Say no mo. No judgment here. I'm in the business of non-romantic thought sharing. Idk whether you're still looking for that, I see it's been awhile since you posted this but if you are, give me a holler


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## eenefpe

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I just want a gosh_damn_ person I can open up to and be intimate (not necessarily romantic, just more sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings) with without being judged or having fear of judgement, and just _somebody, *somebody! *_I can be a goofball with. No filters!
> 🤬😭😭😭


aww me too, I really miss talking my deepest thoughts and feelings with someone... I miss having a best friend to talk to. I got one from here, 6 years ago. After 2 years of relationship, he left me. Not blaming him, It was all my fault. But the thing that hurt me the most is not the fact that I lost him as a boyfriend, but I lost a dear friend, my only best friend. So, I don't really know why I opened this website again after six years, maybe I just miss him. Maybe I just want to try my luck finding a friend here


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