# Sticky  Romantic Confession Time



## Morfy

Let's see how this goes.

My confession: I never truly get over anyone I fall in love with. They're still a part of me and I still love them.


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## Grandmaster Yoda

I can displace old love with new love.


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## kaleidoscope

I'm crazy about someone on PerC.


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## Grandmaster Yoda

kaleidoscope said:


> I'm crazy about someone on PerC.


Disgusting. Get out!


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## kaleidoscope

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Disgusting. Get out!


I love you too, Yoda. Not _that_ way though.


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## Grandmaster Yoda

kaleidoscope said:


> I love you too, Yoda. Not _that_ way though.


You are also ugly. We are not connected materially so it does not matter.


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## Desthro

kaleidoscope said:


> I'm crazy about someone on PerC.


I'm crazy about you too. <3


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## Zelcur

I am broken and I don't think I am able to love


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## kaleidoscope

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> You are also ugly. We are not connected materially so it does not matter.


Whatever you say. I know you want me to crack you open like a cold beer.


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## Grandmaster Yoda

kaleidoscope said:


> Whatever you say. I know you want me to crack you open like a cold beer.


Lousy supporting characters.


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## Angina Jolie

@Red Morfy <3

I'm never gonna stop loving my ex who abused me, but that's ok. No one else but us knows the relationship we had, the ups and the downs and no one else can judge whether me still loving him is crazy or not. There is no reason I should ever stop loving him. I will always wish the best for him, I will always hurt when I know he is in pain and I will always regret that I wasn't ready for his love.


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## Donovan

i don't know. after going through the pain of excising a person from my life, i don't want them to come back into it. it's pretty easy to not think about them, and when i do, it's overall negative and not even close to what a thought of them would have elicited in the past. 


but i know that i still care about them. if someone i know brings them up and says something bad about them--even if true--i still step in an reframe what was said in (what i see as) a more accurate way; and if it _was_ true, i know why they are the way they are, and it's more painful to just jump on what's easy and vilify them. there's still a need to protect them in a way, even if i don't think they really deserve it. 
it feels wrong not to. 

but i would never get back into a relationship with any of them... though to be honest, a relationship, even a new one, seems painful in its own right. almost like closing into myself and pursuing life in other avenues, is a bit more comforting.


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## TTIOTBSAL

Sexual confession time is easier. 

Yet, I feel like a field of mined butterflies, like the sun and the oceans are keeping me swept off my feet. I'm drinking down a bittersweet liquor of fireflies, immoderately, and smoking on the pipe of a musical storm. For that is the worst drug ever, that seems to never cease. 

Now I'll get down from that unicorn and shhhsh, my blonde, and go back to more commonplace profanities.


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## pwowq

Peoples romanticised view of romantics. Sharing a bottle of wine, some cheese and grapes on a very green hill over a sunrise. Holding an arm over each other and light kissing.
_ - C'mon! It's cold and wet. Lets fuck instead. Please?_


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## megmento

I had a 4-year friend who I've secretly _loved_. I subtly told him he was my _only exception_ (I know it's kind of vague but it's the closest thing I could tell other than saying 'I love you'). But that didn't even work. Haha. It must be something I could laugh about at this point, but I still feel an ounce of bittersweet nostalgia when someone mentions his name to me. That's the time I realize I'm only in love with the memories, so it's not worth fighting for anymore. 

Sorry it was not the happy romantic confession. Lol.


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## Wiz

I get extremely blinded by love. Like scarily so. 

I move on weirdly quickly after a break up though.


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## 7rr7s

I don't believe in love, but at the same time I fall very very hard for people and kind of have to reign it in at times because my intensity can come on pretty strong and that's alot to lay on someone.


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## Perso Uno

Red Morfy said:


> Let's see how this goes.
> 
> My confession: I never truly get over anyone I fall in love with. They're still a part of me and I still love them.




Same. And one of my two loves didn't give a shit about me... grrr....

The other never fell for me, though she was my first real love so that's probably a part of it. 



Lol damn unavailable women, why are you so awesome??


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## leictreon

I, honest to God, want to live with my crush and have children with her. I wouldn't consider having children with _anyone_, but she somehow makes me want that.


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## Siri

The people I love the most are also the people I hate the most :/


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## Purrfessor

Inside the spoiler might be uncomfortable for you to read as it's against romance. 



* *




Romance makes me sick to my stomach. I used to be into it then I realized how destructive it is. When you sacrifice things for another person 1) it never lasts, 2) you become weaker, 3) you waste time that could be spent learning what love really means. 

William James said that the only fixed point in time for lovers is the end. Everything before that anything can happen. You are fooling yourself if you try to fix a point in time that is anything but the end.


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## Angina Jolie

Stelliferous said:


> Inside the spoiler might be uncomfortable for you to read as it's against romance.
> 
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Romance makes me sick to my stomach. I used to be into it then I realized how destructive it is. When you sacrifice things for another person 1) it never lasts, 2) you become weaker, 3) you waste time that could be spent learning what love really means.
> 
> William James said that the only fixed point in time for lovers is the end. Everything before that anything can happen. You are fooling yourself if you try to fix a point in time that is anything but the end.


Rationally I absolutely share this mindset. I too don't really see the point of relationships. All the horror stories of breakups, of unhappy marriages, of divorces, abuses it's just ... what for? Why would anyone partake in that?
But emotionally I feel that romance, the good parts are all worth it. And I'm an emotional being.


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## Aya the Abysswalker

Stelliferous said:


> Inside the spoiler might be uncomfortable for you to read as it's against romance.
> 
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Romance makes me sick to my stomach. I used to be into it then I realized how destructive it is. When you sacrifice things for another person 1) it never lasts, 2) you become weaker, 3) you waste time that could be spent learning what love really means.
> 
> William James said that the only fixed point in time for lovers is the end. Everything before that anything can happen. You are fooling yourself if you try to fix a point in time that is anything but the end.


Because I can and I want.

I actually feel weaker alone than since I've had this relationship.


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## Stachan

I have never fallen in love. So... I don´t really know what love means.


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## Aquiline

Relationships are mostly enjoyable opportunities for growth to me, a bit like intimate martial arts. I don't know how to become attached to the other person, and seeing how such attachment tends to affect my fellow humans, I'm not sure I want to know.


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## Angina Jolie

I want to understand men from the deepest cells in their brains to the surface of their skin. I want to master their thinking, I want to study their hearts, I want to be sure that their emotions run deep. I want to excel at them, know their bones by heart. 
These creatures that are so foreign but so tempting. I want to meet them in the middle of every road. Am I taking the magic away from it all? Maybe. But only if all there is, is the visible and the sensible. But I still hope in the ethereal's existence, that which is impossible to learn and will always catch you by surprise.


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## Watchtower

Stachan said:


> I have never fallen in love. So... I don´t really know what love means.


I've fallen in love before. I still don't know what it really means.


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## Nyanpichu

Red Morfy said:


> Let's see how this goes.
> 
> My confession: I never truly get over anyone I fall in love with. They're still a part of me and I still love them.


hahah thats so cheesey and dumb I mean who would even think that
*sniffles* excuse me I just have something in my eye
);


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## Nyanpichu

pomPOM said:


> @Red Morfy <3
> 
> I'm never gonna stop loving my ex who abused me, but that's ok. No one else but us knows the relationship we had, the ups and the downs and no one else can judge whether me still loving him is crazy or not. There is no reason I should ever stop loving him. I will always wish the best for him, I will always hurt when I know he is in pain and I will always regret that I wasn't ready for his love.


I don't get how someone could abuse you and you still love them?
Is it because they were all that you knew and you felt like you had nobody else
who would love you. cause thats the explanation that i hear most of the time
and it still doesn't get make sense


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## Angina Jolie

Nyanpichu said:


> I don't get how someone could abuse you and you still love them?
> Is it because they were all that you knew and you felt like you had nobody else
> who would love you. cause thats the explanation that i hear most of the time
> and it still doesn't get make sense


Because I can separate the person themselves from what WE were and what our relationship was. Do I still want to be with them? No! I left them because I wasn't going to take the abuse no more. WE were broken. But I know that even after all of it he is a good person that means well. And I simply cannot not love someone who has let me know them as deeply as he has. I know his story, I know his pain and I know what he is going through.

It may sound possibly stupid or yada yada overly empathetic, but I cannot help it. I cannot wish bad on him. That's just not me.


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## megmento

pomPOM said:


> Because I can separate the person themselves from what WE were and what our relationship was. Do I still want to be with them? No! I left them because I wasn't going to take the abuse no more. WE were broken. But I know that even after all of it he is a good person that means well. And I simply cannot not love someone who has let me know them as deeply as he has. I know his story, I know his pain and I know what he is going through.
> 
> It may sound possibly stupid or yada yada overly empathetic, but I cannot help it. I cannot wish bad on him. That's just not me.


This mindset is so rare these days. I mean just because a relationship gets abusive and dynsfunctional at some point, it doesn't always equally translate to one of you being the bad person. It could be timing, the circumstances, the people around you. There are just so many factors that the least thing you can do is hold a grudge and wish for their downfall which is actually more exhausting tbh.


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## Angina Jolie

megmento said:


> This mindset is so rare these days. I mean just because a relationship gets abusive and dynsfunctional at some point, it doesn't always equally translate to one of you being the bad person. It could be timing, the circumstances, the people around you. There are just so many factors that the least thing you can do is hold a grudge and wish for their downfall which is actually more exhausting tbh.


I know that we sometimes abuse other's without a conscious intention to do it. Emotional and psychological abuse especially. In a way it is a coping mechanism for the insecurities we otherwise don't exactly know how to deal with. It is a delusion, but it can be an unconscious manifestation. 
If I was sure he deliberately chose to emotionally and psychologically abuse me, I would be angry, But I am aware of ALLLL the components that went into the relationship, of my own doings too. I do not blame myself, I do not blame him because I know and could see how hurt he was after he realized what had been happening. I blame US - that space that comes to be between 2 people. 
But when I realized what has been going on, I was done with it and left the situation. 

I too dislike the automatic assumption that abuse is simply wrong. It is never good and one should always separate themselves from it, but look at the mechanisms that operate the abuse before calling someone evil. It only creates more damage bringing anger and blaming into it. I prefer to continue with love from afar - from where it is safe for everyone!


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## Ride

Awww look at all you cute lovely INFPs! *group hug*


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## megmento

pomPOM said:


> I know that we sometimes abuse other's without a conscious intention to do it. Emotional and psychological abuse especially. In a way it is a coping mechanism for the insecurities we otherwise don't exactly know how to deal with. It is a delusion, but it can be an unconscious manifestation.
> If I was sure he deliberately chose to emotionally and psychologically abuse me, I would be angry, But I am aware of ALLLL the components that went into the relationship, of my own doings too. I do not blame myself, I do not blame him because I know and could see how hurt he was after he realized what had been happening. I blame US - that space that comes to be between 2 people.
> But when I realized what has been going on, I was done with it and left the situation.
> 
> I too dislike the automatic assumption that abuse is simply wrong. It is never good and one should always separate themselves from it, but look at the mechanisms that operate the abuse before calling someone evil. It only creates more damage bringing anger and blaming into it. I prefer to *continue with love from afar* - from where it is safe for everyone!


I agree with everything you've said but I think I cannot continue loving someone from afar at this point. It's just my personal perspective from having been depleted from unrequited love, so I can no longer continue loving that person wholeheartedly, only wish him the best.


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## Angina Jolie

Ride said:


> *group hug*


I was gonna say ''You are not invited'', but then I realised


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## Noctis

pomPOM said:


> @*Red Morfy* <3
> 
> I'm never gonna stop loving my ex who abused me, but that's ok. No one else but us knows the relationship we had, the ups and the downs and no one else can judge whether me still loving him is crazy or not. There is no reason I should ever stop loving him. I will always wish the best for him, I will always hurt when I know he is in pain and I will always regret that I wasn't ready for his love.


If he abused you, then he never loved you truly at all. His abuse wasn't "love".


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## Angina Jolie

Noctis said:


> If he abused you, then he never loved you truly at all. His abuse wasn't "love".


That IS something I am unsure of whether he ever actually loved me or just fell in love with the idea of me. But that's besides the point of me loving him. I was never IN LOVE with him, but I came to love.


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## Noctis

pomPOM said:


> That IS something I am unsure of whether he ever actually loved me or just fell in love with the idea of me. But that's besides the point of me loving him. I was never IN LOVE with him, but I came to love.


Despite my abusive ex telling me she "loved me", I didn't believe it, as her abusive behavior overridden any true care towards me.


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## Angina Jolie

Noctis said:


> Despite my abusive ex telling me she "loved me", I didn't believe it, as her abusive behavior overridden any true care towards me.


Was she emotally, osychologically, physically abusive? Do you think she did it consciously?


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## Noctis

pomPOM said:


> Was she emotally, osychologically, physically abusive? Do you think she did it consciously?


She was emotionally, and verbally abusive. I am not sure if she did it consciously, but I assume so, as her behavior was pretty unchanged in the six month long distance relationship. She told me her abusive behavior was her "dark side" and that if I didn't "handle it", then I didn't love her truly. Her mantra was "if you didn't love me at my worst, then you didn't love me at all"


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## piano

@Nyanpichu @Noctis abuse doesn't manifest until after an emotional bond has already been formed. everything that happens thereafter is filtered through a rose-colored perception, wherein you accentuate the good and downplay the bad. enlightenment requires distance and this goes for both the abuser and the abusee but even then it's difficult to separate your feelings from the person and experience. children who grew up in abusive households will feel emotionally attached to their parental figure(s) long after they've escaped, because there's no escaping love's grasp once it gets its claws into you. time is the only way.

i didn't realize you went through something similar, noctis. sorry to hear that.


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## Kito

I'll never have any affinity for any stereotypical romance shit. I can't see the appeal in buying/being bought flowers, candlelit dinners or walks together on the beach. I'm an extremely low maintenance partner, we could see each other once a week and lie in bed watching shitty sitcoms, eating chinese food and fucking every now and then and I'd be completely satisfied.


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## Purrfessor

If you go by the logic of everybody = good if you dig deep enough then you understand that you can love anybody. People who display perceived "bad" behavior is a manifestation of their good nature underneath. 

But loving somebody doesn't come with anything. You don't have responsibilities. So if you love someone and you don't like their behavior you can leave them and still love them. Love is not a contract... all is fair in love and war.


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## Angina Jolie

I think this thread should be stickied as it follows the same notion as the ''sexual confession time'' thread and stickying it would increase the chance of it's longevity anyway.


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## Angina Jolie

Stelliferous said:


> People who display perceived "bad" behavior is a manifestation of their good nature underneath.


I wouldn't go as far as saying it is the manifestation of their good nature. I would just say nature as I'm having a hard time putting a judgment on unconscious behaviors that have been adopted without conscious choice. It is just something that happens... neutral state.
If we talk about someone who is very well aware they are being little shits then I am ready to call their acts as bad if not evil.


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## Purrfessor

pomPOM said:


> I wouldn't go as far as saying it is the manifestation of their good nature. I would just say nature as I'm having a hard time putting a judgment on unconscious behaviors that have been adopted without conscious choice. It is just something that happens... neutral state.
> If we talk about someone who is very well aware they are being little shits then I am ready to call their acts as bad if not evil.


What if you aren't looking deep enough. You have the bar set to ones awareness but isn't everybody aware of what they are doing. So what if they aware? Maybe they can't control it. Victims to themselves. Maybe if you look deeper they are more afraid and innocent than is realized.

Dark story ahead:

* *





edit: my father is a sociopath so I know a little something about them. They pretend like they are in control. Pretend like they are aware. But really they are so afraid of themselves. They don't want you to see who they really are. That gives you power to destroy them. They hide in the deceitful shadows of their insidiousness so people can't see how weak they are. They have been so confined to practically nothingness that they protect it with everything they have. They don't want to give anybody the power to hurt what remains of them. 

I saw it in my fathers eyes. He knew I saw it too. And that drove him insane. He didn't know what to do knowing his son could see how weak he was. And it hurt him that much more when we banished him from the house. I have to live with myself knowing I took the last of what remained in him and destroyed it by betraying him. I didn't know what to do about it though. All I could focus on was his terror and how it was affecting us. I made a choice between his soul and my safety. And I've lived my life in accordance to the fact that people are good deep down. And that by helping others out whenever they are lost within that darkness will make up for what I did to my father. It is my only goal in life. All people are created equal.


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## Angina Jolie

Stelliferous said:


> What if you aren't looking deep enough. You have the bar set to ones awareness but isn't everybody aware of what they are doing. So what if they aware? Maybe they can't control it. Victims to themselves. Maybe if you look deeper they are more afraid and innocent than is realized.


No, I don't think everyone is always aware of what they are doing. The result of an action can also be observed on different levels. It is always subject to subjective definitions and judgments of everyone involved. Not only that, if you aren't completely aware of the triggers for your actions which is the case of a lot of what we do, such as defence mchanisms, coping mechanisms, impulsivities, then, you can misjudge your own behavior. For instance someone who is observed by the recipient as clingy may see themselves as imply very loving but in reality because of being triggered by anxietis of abandonment, are not really acting out of love but out of fear.

I am having a hard time putting together the idea that someone making a conscious choice to be hurtful and/or destructive can be innocent. Although wait I kņow, it is once again subject to thenjudgment and context of the perceiver. Ok my mind is getting wrapped up right now I need to go to sleep finally. Do let me know your idea of it and whether I'm misunderstanding what you meant. I'll look into it again in the morning.


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## Angina Jolie

@Stelliferous interesting, I hadn't noticed your ''dark story'' addition. If you view all people as equal and good, does that include your father? Do you have a way of justifying the terror he put people through? Or is the belief in good something you haven't actually rationalized but is a belief you choose to adopt for your own well being?

With sociopaths it is interesting. I am one of those people that can empathize with those who have committed dark acts, but not always. There is emotional empathy and rational empathy. Sociopaths may not have the ability to empathize emotionally, but they can do it rationally which is where I come in with my belief that one can only be truly good if they consciously choose good over evil. I mean emotional empathy is also good, but I think it being a sorta unconscious process simply makes it a kinda ''common sense''.



> So what if they aware? Maybe they can't control it. Victims to themselves. Maybe if you look deeper they are more afraid and innocent than is realized.


Now thinking of this what makes me unsure of what exactly you are implying is the supposed lack of control that comes in awareness. 
Would fear, if conscious, justify someones inconsiderate acts?


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## Macrosapien

because of my past im hard to fall for. physically I'll reel you in but as soon as I open my mouth, the more and more, you'll move away, because I can't separate love interests from my intellectual and mystical/"spiritual" aspirations. I dont know how to be anything else, and I know most people dont want to hear it, or think too deeply, but I cant help myself. and I seem distant, among other things, and it creates an image me that is not true, and I am perceived as being way too out there. 

Have no idea on how to be different, I've missed out on a lot of beautiful women, inside and out because im just totally different than most people let alone guys, and I get that.


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## piano

i miss jumping into a relationship with zero reservations about my own feelings or theirs and just rolling with the tide, seeing where it takes us and making the best of whatever comes our way. i wanna break free from the confines of my anxiety and paranoia so i can finally experience the good _and_ the bad, raw and unfiltered. this is what my mentality is like before things get serious but once we've solidified the status of our relationship, i start to feel like i'm drowning. toss me a lifebuoy, boy, will ya?


but seriously. there's an unparalleled excitement that comes with finding a fun and worthwhile partner who will do stupid shit with you just cuz. a silly cutie who will break into a church with you, who will speed on the backroads with you, who will fuck you in the forest til your knees are weak (mom's spaghetti), and all for no other reason than because you feel like it.


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## Zeta Neprok

Giving up on love was one of the smartest decisions that I ever made.


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## Shade

I'm scared. 

I'm scared that I'll never find someone to share my life with. That no one will ever be romantically interested in me, or sexually interested in me for that matter. I'm scared that someone will decide to spend time getting to know me, only to find that the time was wasted. I'm scared that I will live out my days alone. I'm scared that I might end up living with someone who doesn't really like me, who just settled for me and every day grows more and more miserable. I'm scared that I'll end up with someone who loves me with all of her heart, but I don't love her. I'm scared that I might love her but end up treating her badly. I'm scared that I'm not fit to be in a relationship, that I just don't know how to behave affectionately. That I'll never be able to express what I feel, or worse, that I might feel the wrong things. I'm scared that I'll never get past a first date with someone, that I'll always get rejected. I've ever only been on one date. It was terrible, I was terrible. I'm not good at stuff like that, and I deny myself the opportunity to get better at it. I'm scared that I'll turn out to be a horrible boyfriend, a horrible husband, a horrible father. I've never been in a relationship, so I don't know how I'd behave in one. But considering how I treat my friends, I doubt living with me would be good for a girl's self-esteem. I'm scared that I'll find someone who loves me as much as I love her, that I'll be a good boyfriend, the perfect partner from dating to marriage to children to old age, that I'll make her happy and then I'll end up wanting someone else. Because I'm never truly satisfied with anything in my life, I always want more.

I'm scared because writing this made me more emotional than I thought it would. I shouldn't choke up because of stuff like this, I don't allow myself to cry over stuff like this. I'm not scared, I'm terrified.


* *


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## Angina Jolie

I honestly tried the abundance dating mindset but it's just not working out. I'm absolutely scarcity. Be ause as much as I think people are awesome, good at their core and overall I have mainly love for everyone, I cannot deny that most connections and relationships are unsatisfying.
Sure, to bring satisfaction in the picture one needs to recognize their needs and I think I have a lot. And not that I have more needs than any other person, it's that I need to have them met all at once. I mean i'm scarce with my friendships too. The thought of having to hold many friendships at once is exhausting. I don't see much importance in having people who only satisfy one of my needs as those needs often times overlap.
My needs would be:
Intellectual
Emotional
Humour
And with romantic relationships also sexual.
I need to be able to look at intellectual matters with humor too and even more so if we can have a good laugh after an emotional talk. And not to mention I am gonna try and analyse emotions intellectually as well. And to run from one person to another just to satisfy these needs separately? I don't consume enough coffee for that.

I know I put too many eggs in one basket and that is probably exactly why abundance isn't working or feeling natural to me, but I cannot help it. It would require A MAJOR mindset switch to be able to look at my needs or other people, etc. differently.
In truth I have only met 3 people who I felt could satisfy my romantic needs and whom I would consider serious relationships with. And ohh my luck, 2 of them live thousands of miles away from me and only one I actually had the chance to explore our compatability with.

If one of my needs is not met, I notice myself just drifting away and seeking a new way to satisfy them, slowly loosing the connection. Maybe it's my being sx, maybe a personal problem, but putting all your eggs in one basket guarantees that if looked after carefully, none of them is gonna go missing.

I seriously cant help it but connections are the hight of life. A shared idea or laugh, an emotion shared with another is so full of life, nothing else comes close to it. If I had no connections I would die inside. They are sacred. So I apologise if I am needy with my needs and if I treat connections with the utmost care and respect, if I don't treat them lightly. You take care of what you care most of and to take good care of it, it needs your full attention, not just a small portion of it because the rest of your attention is put on something else.


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## Angina Jolie

Unless I find a way to be more confident, to have my confidence stable at most times and not dependent on circumstances or outside opinions.feedback, I should probably forget about romantic relationships. It's a mission!!!!


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## Grandmaster Yoda

I think there's a particular type of person for me. That is a person who is attracted to sickness, anxiety and depression.
Though I display none of these on a typical day, mostly I display nothing.


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## Angina Jolie

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I think there's a particular type of person for me. That is a person who is attracted to sickness, anxiety and depression.
> Though I display none of these on a typical day, mostly I display nothing.


Then it's time to implement anxiey and depression at leats in your wardrobe or you shall not be on your ideal mates radar? Do you wish to be forever alone? Get it going, soldier!!!


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## ECM

kaleidoscope said:


> Whatever you say. I know you want me to crack you open like a cold beer.


I don't even drink or like beer, but that was damn good analogy!


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## Grandmaster Yoda

pomPOM said:


> Then it's time to implement anxiey and depression at leats in your wardrobe or you shall not be on your ideal mates radar? Do you wish to be forever alone? Get it going, soldier!!!


Hmm, I will instruct someone to buy this for me. It will be a holiday gift.


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## Angina Jolie

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Hmm, I will instruct someone to buy this for me. It will be a holiday gift.


A business idea marketing the anxious and depressed. Could you wait a moment until my t-shirt enterprise is up and running? There's lots of other holidays to gift yourself for.



Shade said:


> I'm scared because writing this made me more emotional than I thought it would. I shouldn't choke up because of stuff like this, I don't allow myself to cry over stuff like this. I'm not scared, I'm terrified.
> 
> 
> * *


Awww it makes me sad to read this. Your fears are understandable but also not because if you haven't had the experience you are basing them on self assumptions. Why torture yourself so much.

I know this is just a meaningless comment on an internet forum, but maybe it will remind you to sometimes look at objective evidence and to open yourself up to actually gaining it. I don't know why you should be so worried about it all. From what I have seen of you around the forums you seem absolutely lovely and a pleasure to read. There is value to you, please know it!!!


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## Grandmaster Yoda

pomPOM said:


> A business idea marketing the anxious and depressed. Could you wait a moment until my t-shirt enterprise is up and running? There's lots of other holidays to gift yourself for.
> 
> 
> 
> Awww it makes me sad to read this. Your fears are understandable but also not because if you haven't had the experience you are basing them on self assumptions. Why torture yourself so much.
> 
> I know this is just a meaningless comment on an internet forum, but maybe it will remind you to sometimes look at objective evidence and to open yourself up to actually gaining it. I don't know why you should be so worried about it all. From what I have seen of you around the forums you seem absolutely lovely and a pleasure to read. There is value to you, please know it!!!


My screen, what is happening?


----------



## piano

i've always wondered if it's normal to have memory reels of past loves continuously playing in your head.

i remember everything from the past down to the smallest detail. there are loopholes, of course, but anything significant or impactful enough to make mental note of, is stored on this ever-expanding timeline. from each and every new significant connection (romantic or otherwise) emerges yet another timeline, which branches off from the original timeline, but there are still enough correlations spread about between these conjoined-but-not timelines to maintain congruency. causal relationships tend to take priority over isolated events but quirks (of theirs) and memory associations are up there as well. like i'll listen to a song i was introduced to by someone i was once close to and there'll be a lull in time where i'm thrown back to the exact moment it happened and it's fucking paralyzing. there's an area of town where my ex used to live and it was where we spent the crux of our time together so now i can't drive by or around that area without experiencing the time-warp phenomenon. i have a can of san pellegrino that he gave to me as a joke the summer before the last resting on my nightstand. occasionally i'll look over at it and smile.

afaik there are no lingering feelings. i harbor no desire to reignite any of these old flames, as it's never a good idea to awaken a dead thing, but i do wonder how they're doing from time to time. i wonder if they wonder about me, too, but that's the extent of my curiosity. there's pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, good and bad and all that, but it's mostly just grey with intermittent splatters of bright colors. and it's just all so surreal to me. i can't shake it off because it's so deeply ingrained into me but my god is it bizarre.


----------



## Shade

pomPOM said:


> Awww it makes me sad to read this. Your fears are understandable but also not because if you haven't had the experience you are basing them on self assumptions. Why torture yourself so much.
> 
> I know this is just a meaningless comment on an internet forum, but maybe it will remind you to sometimes look at objective evidence and to open yourself up to actually gaining it. I don't know why you should be so worried about it all. From what I have seen of you around the forums you seem absolutely lovely and a pleasure to read. There is value to you, please know it!!!


Upon rereading my post, it comes across more melodramatic than I intended it to. I saw this thread and took the opportunity to vent some frustration in this area, as well as getting some thoughts in order. But regardless, thank you for your response! It's a lot more to me than just a meaningless comment on an internet forum^^


----------



## Angina Jolie

I'm so happy. There has been a major breakthrough in my romantic attitude (?) or attraction rather (!). I used to be super attracted to emotionally closed, inexpressive, brooding men. I was also attracted to the feeling of a game, of not being fully sure of whether he likes you or not. However I am not a player myself so it never really works out with them.
Now however, I am getting more and more attracted to emotionally expressive, genuine and sincere men. Those who are in touch with their emotions and are comfortable showing them. The idea of a cold and brooding man doesn't excite me anymore, if anything it annoys me. I'm just.... done with it.
Now that doesn't mean I am yet comfortable to have a relationship the the emotional guy. I still have my intimacy issues - discomfort with being openly loved, etc. But I am so happy that now I can at least see the value in the emotional men and can actually be attracted to them, want to be around them. I would call it a major success and a break through the awful wall that i had built around myself before.

Bring me them nice guys, yeahhhh


----------



## castigat

I've never actually fallen in love.


----------



## Sylarz

I'm still deeply in love with my ex who broke up with me several months ago now. I adore her as a person. She's a wonderful human, and insanely beautiful.

I still have dreams about her, wake up, and then realize, I'll never even hug her again. I hate myself for loving someone that much. I think that is a mistake.

I'd wish I'd known the last hug was going to be the last hug. I would have held her longer and tighter.


----------



## Parade of Sparrows

I used to love you more than anything in the world. Now my hatred for you only proves to me that I haven't actually let you go completely.


----------



## Stawker

I tend to play too much with anyone who I happen to love. With my first ex, I was crude and it was borderline manipulation. With my second one, I'd perfected the art of playing with people's emotions and it was very subtle. But that only gave her self-esteem issues until she eventually broke off. Even in the beginning of the relationship, she was rather reticent. When implored, she said she didn't want to embarrass herself in front of me on any front. Instead of, then, trying to comfort her, I started playing around with her insecurities and making her perceive the distance between her and me as bigger than it was. Something like that would be a motivation for me. But it wasn't for her. It was a glorious failure of my judgement. 

I recently had a dream about her running back to me and hugging me. We kissed. But that probably isn't going to happen. Fuck me and my impulse to psychoanalyze the living hell out of every person I wish to cherish.


----------



## kaleidoscope

@Stawker

Why would it give you 'motivation' to amplify the distance between you and your girlfriend? 

That's not intimacy. That's competition, and it makes the relationship a game. I can't understand this mindset for the life of me.


----------



## Faery

Love sucks, but I still love it.


----------



## Stawker

kaleidoscope said:


> @Stawker
> 
> Why would it give you 'motivation' to amplify the distance between you and your girlfriend?
> 
> That's not intimacy. That's competition, and it makes the relationship a game. I can't understand this mindset for the life of me.


I meant if someone else would show me the distance between him and me (legitimately -- not just 'show' it but it has to be there) it would only further motivate to get ahead of him. 

But regardless, yes a relationship is sort of a game for me. Not a 'rivalry' but a game.


----------



## Angina Jolie

After my recent dating it has come clear to me that I view relationships as a problem area in my life which is why I am so consumed by them. I have an obsessive mind that is counter active. I do not freeze when a problem or danger is observed, I fight. So I am constantly analyzing my relationship with ''relationships'' and trying to find any error points in them to correct so I can finally fix this thing I view as problematic. It's not even that I want a relationship right now necessarily. I can absolutely live comfortably without one. It's that when I think of the future in which I may have relationships, I can see that there will be problems and they may not survive so I immediately need to react to it and make sure a disaster doesn't happen in the future.
I don't view any other area of my life as problematic as this so I don't obsess over anything else. It really is like an obsession. All or nothing.

I've also come to understand that the same counter active approach is how I deal with anxieties that are caused by relationships. ''Does he like me? Does he not? What is he thinking?''. While most people have these anxieties, those whom I view as ''healthy'' manage to deal with this anxiety by focusing on something else. I can't. Once again I NEEED to know NOW! I'm not gonna be able to think of anything else when a problem/an error is present. So I REACT and my reacting is pressuring to the other. OR I don't react outwardly but my need for knowing comes through more subtle ways and then he ends up not even knowing what makes him feel uneasy and pressured, but he still does.

Maybe I need to take a daily chill pill, maybe I should start smoking weed regularly. Maybe I need a new brain cuz I'm obviously sabotaging my own relationships by not being able to just take it easy, chill, smell the roses for a moment.


----------



## Diophantine

Before meeting my current guy, I used to be really afraid of intimacy and had major trust issues. I never really got close to anyone, and pushed people away when they showed the slightest bit of interest. Just three months ago I would have told you for sure that I would not "commit" to anyone. I am not sure how on Earth I did a complete 180 and am endlessly happy being committed to one person, one amazing guy. I don't miss dating around and "having options", as I thought I would before he asked me out. I thought I would lose my freedom - my most treasured possession. However, it is just the opposite - I think I have gained a new freedom by being able to share my independence and the awesome adventures I have with someone who values it just as much...


----------



## Parade of Sparrows

I dont understand what's going on with you anymore. I feel like you're mocking me and trying to make me jealous but you laid the line out on whats appropriate with YOU. 

I dont see how that affects what I'm allowed to do with others. 

You drive me fucking crazy, and it makes me want you so much more.

Fuck it I'm probably just really self centered and nothings happening at all.


----------



## ShatteredHeart

kaleidoscope said:


> I'm crazy about someone on PerC.



Is it @Donald Trump ? Tell me it's @Donald Trump !


----------



## bkdjdnfbnne

ShatteredHeart said:


> Is it @Donald Trump ? Tell me it's @Donald Trump !


This is not the sort of pussy grabbing I'll partake in.


----------



## Mostly Harmless

One of my coworkers has a crush on me and has been behaving in increasingly inappropriate ways. I haven't reprimanded him for it yet, partly because I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than I need to but also partly because the attention was a little bit flattering to start with, even though I have never been romantically interested in him.

I should have been a better person and nipped it in the bud in the very early stages because now it's gotten to a point where it's actually uncomfortable.


----------



## kaleidoscope

ShatteredHeart said:


> Is it @*Donald Trump* ? Tell me it's @*Donald Trump* !





Donald Trump said:


> This is not the sort of pussy grabbing I'll partake in.


Nah. His hands are too small for my 'book'. :bwink:


----------



## Morfy

pomPOM said:


> After my recent dating it has come clear to me that I view relationships as a problem area in my life which is why I am so consumed by them. I have an obsessive mind that is counter active. I do not freeze when a problem or danger is observed, I fight. So I am constantly analyzing my relationship with ''relationships'' and trying to find any error points in them to correct so I can finally fix this thing I view as problematic. It's not even that I want a relationship right now necessarily. I can absolutely live comfortably without one. It's that when I think of the future in which I may have relationships, I can see that there will be problems and they may not survive so I immediately need to react to it and make sure a disaster doesn't happen in the future.
> I don't view any other area of my life as problematic as this so I don't obsess over anything else. It really is like an obsession. All or nothing.
> 
> I've also come to understand that the same counter active approach is how I deal with anxieties that are caused by relationships. ''Does he like me? Does he not? What is he thinking?''. While most people have these anxieties, those whom I view as ''healthy'' manage to deal with this anxiety by focusing on something else. I can't. Once again I NEEED to know NOW! I'm not gonna be able to think of anything else when a problem/an error is present. So I REACT and my reacting is pressuring to the other. OR I don't react outwardly but my need for knowing comes through more subtle ways and then he ends up not even knowing what makes him feel uneasy and pressured, but he still does.
> 
> Maybe I need to take a daily chill pill, maybe I should start smoking weed regularly. Maybe I need a new brain cuz I'm obviously sabotaging my own relationships by not being able to just take it easy, chill, smell the roses for a moment.


I can relate in many ways I think, except that I don't ever really have relationships. But I think that these feelings you describe in your post are one reason for why that is. The thought of having a relationship has always scared me because I know that I would doubt everything about the relationship and pretty much make up my own problems while overanalysing the relationship. I also have trust issues so it would probably end very badly. 

I kind of wish someone would just give me a reason to not be so doubtful and anxious about these things.


----------



## kaleidoscope

Unless someone captures my attention & knows how to stimulate me on a mental/emotional level, I'm extremely fickle. I get excited about people when I first meet them, I have fun, but very few people have kept me hooked and interested. It takes a lot for me to commit.. but once I do, I'm in, and it feels so natural - I stop noticing other people, or wanting romantic/sexual attention from other men. It's funny how it works, it's like I'm two completely different people. Kalei-in-love is a sentimental fool who only has eyes for her SO, whereas Kalei-in-dating-mode just gets bored and moves on easily.


----------



## 7rr7s

I woke up the other day thinking about my ex. I didn't dream about her again, but I woke up with a Third Eye Blind song stuck in my head from the dream and when I told her we were together, Third Eye Blind's How's It Gonna Be was playing. Loll it was probably a sign right there, but I still think it's kind of funny how we got together while I was listening to a song about breaking up.


----------



## Tropes

ShatteredHeart said:


> Is it @*Donald Trump* ? Tell me it's @*Donald Trump* !


Best name change ever ^

I am oddly invested in the shipping of @*kaleidoscope* and @DeatHro - which is a weird thing to be about any couple you aren't a part of, and yet still weirder with people you've never met.


----------



## Schizoid

I can never see myself forcing a person to love me. 

If I'm in an unrequited love situation, I'll choose to give up on my love rather than trying to win their heart. 

I was watching this tv show earlier and this girl likes a guy who likes someone else, and when he was unconscious she went kissing him. 

That is just so wrong to me on so many levels.


----------



## series0

Zelcur said:


> I am broken and I don't think I am able to love


When you see others profess love, how do you feel about them? What feelings do they seem to be having that you do not? How do you feel about maybe not ever having love or whatever it is other people call that?


----------



## series0

Schizoid said:


> I can never see myself forcing a person to love me.


Good, because that would be horrible behavior. Love is there or not in terms of passion. But passion is a fleeting thing, actually easily rekindled. If you mean to say you do not wish to TRY to ignite passion in another, if that is what you mean by force, then I suggest you change your mind. Effort is appreciated and interest is often returned. Lack of effort and lack of interest are a recipe for nothingness ...



Schizoid said:


> If I'm in an unrequited love situation, I'll choose to give up on my love rather than trying to win their heart.


Examine instead WHY you are there? Your love forms easily from afar. Most people are not that way. They have a hundred concerns pressing them moment to moment. If you want notice you must be noisy and break through the other signals. That is not a personal attack, although it seems like that to a dreamer who sees a match idealized from a distance. Suffering in silence is a choice you make, it is not a choice made by the other person. They do probably know you exist, but they do not know your emotion exists, your desire. 

Do not be clumsy with your desire either. That clumsiness rebounds on you. Expect rejection at first and consider it a challenge. The noise is high for many people. You have to be persistent. I have told this to many dreamer women. More than just a few are still happily married to the person they were moaning about back then. I get a lot of graceful loving silent hugs in hallways at friends' houses. No words need be said.



Schizoid said:


> I was watching this tv show earlier and this girl likes a guy who likes someone else, and when he was unconscious she went kissing him.
> 
> That is just so wrong to me on so many levels.


Why? Are you not a dreamer? You seem to be? Hatred of the self much? Worthiness is an obstacle for you. How do you attempt to be worthy?


----------



## series0

@ Red Morfy, I am exactly the same. It is ... alarming and sad that 'they' most often cannot do this. Respect is hard at that point. And then there is the 'they' that try to return to a clingy state. Even worse. 

My confession: tough love is tough on me. Dancing the right dance often means dancing alone.


----------



## Desthro

Tropes said:


> Best name change ever ^
> 
> I am oddly invested in the shipping of @*kaleidoscope* and @DeatHro - which is a weird thing to be about any couple you aren't a part of, and yet still weirder with people you've never met.


Can't even spell my name right. . .


----------



## kaleidoscope

Tropes said:


> Best name change ever ^
> 
> I am oddly invested in the shipping of @*kaleidoscope* and @*DeatH*ro - which is a weird thing to be about any couple you aren't a part of, and yet still weirder with people you've never met.


Hahaha, that made my day. The double date offer still stands  You have 24 hours to RSVP.



Desthro said:


> Can't even spell my name right. . .


Forever alone huh? To be fair, my name _is_ way sexier than yours.


----------



## Veggie

Should I take a lover in the form of this dude I hung out with briefly over the summer? Lol. 

He's popped up again and been pretty persistent, but I've either been busy or utterly unmotivated to deal with anything of that nature.

I don't think my sex drive has been this low before in my life. And it's not just about sex. There's no pining or fantasies or any of the other events that are usually happening in my "boy crazy overgrown thirteen year old" head on a more romantic level. So I guess it's fair to think the two are linked.

I just wanted something casual and fun for the longest time, and now I don't even want that. Too much dashed anticipation over the past several months... which I'm sure is partly my fault. Exactly what am I supposed to be getting excited about. I have no clue anymore.


----------



## Desthro

Veggie said:


> Should I take a lover in the form of this dude I hung out with briefly over the summer? Lol.
> 
> He's popped up again and been pretty persistent, but I've either been busy or utterly unmotivated to deal with anything of that nature.
> 
> I don't think my sex drive has been this low before in my life. And it's not just about sex. There's no pining or fantasies or any of the other events that are usually happening in my "boy crazy overgrown thirteen year old" head on a more romantic level. So I guess it's fair to think the two are linked.
> 
> I just wanted something casual and fun for the longest time, and now I don't even want that. Too much dashed anticipation over the past several months... which I'm sure is partly my fault. Exactly what am I supposed to be getting excited about. I have no clue anymore.


So personal. So if you feel that way find out why. If you think the dashed anticipations are partly your fault, look at what went wrong, why it went wrong, and what you might do differently instead. We all fuck up right? So figure it out and go find your boy toy 

You might also feel like you just aren't ready for that yet, nothing wrong with that either. But if you want to change it, then maybe you should.


----------



## Desthro

kaleidoscope said:


> Forever alone huh? To be fair, my name _is_ way sexier than yours.


Maybe you're just way sexier than your name implies. Or maybe I'm way sexier than MY name implies.


----------



## Veggie

Desthro said:


> So personal. So if you feel that way find out why. If you think the dashed anticipations are partly your fault, look at what went wrong, why it went wrong, and what you might do differently instead. We all fuck up right? So figure it out and go find your boy toy
> 
> You might also feel like you just aren't ready for that yet, nothing wrong with that either. But if you want to change it, then maybe you should.


Is this a confession or an advice thread? Lol. I thought confession threads were supposed to be personal too. 

I said I don't really want something casual and fun anymore, so there's no point in seeking it out. When presented with it though. Hmm.

Obviously I try to look at where things might have gone wrong when energy fizzles or something I thought I could bet on doesn't happen - and I have my suspicions and conduct my social experiments and try to break down the chemistry and actually stay pretty proactive about it - but I still don't really know someone else's motivations. I can and do try to get to the bottom of my own.

This has been a life long pattern too in dating. Dudes re-emerging from my past and getting persistent when I'm not excited about them anymore (is it them, me, circumstance, lack of momentum? ...I try to figure that out too). So it's not like these initial encounters are just duds where something is so obviously going wrong. I've even complained about it on the forum in the past before this guy started doing the same thing. Not sure what that says either. I used to entertain them if we'd had fun back whenever when and if things felt a bit unfinished, but I'm not wanting to anymore. So I guess there's my answer. I almost feel like I _should_ or something though, to "stay out there" and keep my options open and give chances or some other bs that "they" tell you. But. Eh. I can do whatever I want in reality. 

It's sorta depressing though when desire is coming from I'd like not to do this thing rather than I'd like to do this thing. So I just have to figure out how to reframe that so that I'm moving towards and not away from something. But this is something I already know.


----------



## Desthro

Veggie said:


> Is this a confession or an advice thread? Lol. I thought confession threads were supposed to be personal too.
> 
> I said I don't really want something casual and fun anymore, so there's no point in seeking it out. When presented with it though. Hmm.
> 
> Obviously I try to look at where things might have gone wrong when energy fizzles or something I thought I could bet on doesn't happen - and I have my suspicions and conduct my social experiments and try to break down the chemistry and actually stay pretty proactive about it - but I still don't really know someone else's motivations. I can and do try to get to the bottom of my own.
> 
> This has been a life long pattern too in dating. Dudes re-emerging from my past and getting persistent when I'm not excited about them anymore (is it them, me, circumstance, lack of momentum? ...I try to figure that out too). So it's not like these initial encounters are just duds where something is so obviously going wrong. I've even complained about it on the forum in the past before this guy started doing the same thing. Not sure what that says either. I used to entertain them if we'd had fun back whenever when and if things felt a bit unfinished, but I'm not wanting to anymore. So I guess there's my answer. I almost feel like I _should_ or something though, to "stay out there" and keep my options open and give chances or some other bs that "they" tell you. But. Eh. I can do whatever I want in reality.
> 
> It's sorta depressing though when desire is coming from I'd like not to do this thing rather than I'd like to do this thing. So I just have to figure out how to reframe that so that I'm moving towards and not away from something. But this is something I already know.


Just trying to help. It sounds like you're in a rough patch. I seem to remember a Veggie that wasn't so, grumpy all the time a while back is all.


----------



## Veggie

Desthro said:


> Just trying to help. It sounds like you're in a rough patch. I seem to remember a Veggie that wasn't so, grumpy all the time a while back is all.


Well I appreciate it then and thanks.

And yea I've been sorta frustrated.


----------



## southernmom2girls

I am a relationship addict. I am terrified to be alone.


----------



## Meliodas

When I'm single, women never seem to notice me yet when I'm in a relationship, I seem to constantly be hit on by women. So inconvenient. It doesn't help that I am also a massive flirt and playing girls against each other is _fascinating_.

As an aside, what is it about women wanting to steal another woman's boyfriend? Why not focus on the men who aren't attached? You ladies are so mean to each other


----------



## Tropes

Desthro said:


> Can't even spell my name right. . .



I tried editing your mention 3 times, this is what the forum gods want, to slice and dice your name, you must accept that.

(Now I am wondering how many mentions I am missing because of @Trope )


----------



## OrangeAppled

I sometimes get smitten with wildly inappropriate people....perhaps more than smitten and bordering on years-long obsessions. The last person I had an ongoing infatuation with was about 18-20 yrs old at the time. I was in my late 20s/early 30s. Um...yeah....

I remember wondering if I was emotionally stunted.... but then I seriously dated someone 10 years older than me and he was probably more immature in many ways. 

I'll casually date others in the meantime, but I'm pretty much stuck on that person or the idea of him. I think I have a need to be fixated on someone. I can't ever NOT have an object of infatuation, even if I know it's pure fantasy. The few times I didn't have that fixation was when I finally found a requited relationship. I had some uncharacteristic lapse in romantic fantasy and obsession. But you can't trick your brain into that state of mind. If you care enough to try and not care because that seems like the trick to manifesting what you care about, then you actually still care.


----------



## Nyanpichu

Rock Of Ages said:


> When I'm single, women never seem to notice me yet when I'm in a relationship, I seem to constantly be hit on by women. So inconvenient. It doesn't help that I am also a massive flirt and playing girls against each other is _fascinating_.
> 
> As an aside, what is it about women wanting to steal another woman's boyfriend? Why not focus on the men who aren't attached? You ladies are so mean to each other


when men are in a relationship they give off a certain scent thats only discernable by females
this scent lets the females know that the male is in a relationship and females should puruse thus 
the females goal is not to reproduce but to give the male in question the worst blueballs ever


----------



## pwowq

Nyanpichu said:


> when men are in a relationship they give off a certain scent thats only discernable by females
> this scent lets the females know that the male is in a relationship and females should puruse thus
> the females goal is not to reproduce but to give the male in question the worst blueballs ever


Blueballs doesn't exist. There, it's been said.

Men with a partner are more attractive because their behaviour doesn't have the aura of "desperation" or "sex" or "neediness" which all three are sort of obvious. A man with a woman is more attractive to women, it's a well known cognitive bias.


----------



## Nyanpichu

pwowq said:


> Blueballs doesn't exist. There, it's been said.
> 
> Men with a partner are more attractive because their behaviour doesn't have the aura of "desperation" or "sex" or "neediness" which all three are sort of obvious. A man with a woman is more attractive to women, it's a well known cognitive bias.


blueballs do exist i can attest to this xD
you just have been lucky enough to not
experience it.


----------



## Skeletalz

I get this weird stalker-y Shakespeare-like mindset and end up coming up with some really cheesy and extra stuff  Its like Im quoting Romeo and Juliet or something  Luckily she wasnt completely put off by our awkward as hell first exchanges


----------



## Alles_Paletti

My feelings for someone tend to come and go in waves, there's no continuity. Made my love life hard at times, because I always was very unsure and conflicted about how I feel about someone. Sometimes I feel feelings of love and desire, and then I'm suddenly more indifferent for no particular reason. 

While I could see that people appreciate someone who actually has feelings for them in a continuous way so it's something they can rely on... but it's not like I can do anything about it. That's just how my head works. 

But I wish I could be a little more head over heels sometimes. Must be nice to really feel very strongly about someone all the time, like feel very sure about your love and really live it.

By necessity I also needed to fill the gaps rationally sometimes - like rationally know that I go through a pattern of love and being more distant, and that in a moment of feeling distant the feelings of love will eventually come back. 

It wasn't even limited to my partners, this is the same cycle I go through with friends, family, heck even this site. Feelings are weird.


----------



## OrangeAppled

pwowq said:


> Blueballs doesn't exist. There, it's been said.
> 
> Men with a partner are more attractive because their behaviour doesn't have the aura of "desperation" or "sex" or "neediness" which all three are sort of obvious. A man with a woman is more attractive to women, it's a well known cognitive bias.


It happens as a woman also. When I've been in a relationship, way more men seem to notice me, flirt with me, etc. 
I agree it's a change in your vibe.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

I quit. But now I am left in shambles because I never contemplated the other parts of life.
Being in a group of prudish people would be interesting for once. Sex jokes are now like racist jokes for me. They have just gotten stale and annoying.


----------



## Lollapalooza

A very romantic confession coming up: I've never loved anyone romantically. It's either just desire or platonic love, I can't really combine them. 
I do have crushes, but it's merely either desire or interest or just some curiosity for a person.


----------



## pwowq

Nyanpichu said:


> blueballs do exist i can attest to this xD
> you just have been lucky enough to not
> experience it.


I get various pains in the balls from time to time. I try to learn from it. Most often it's because the underwear is causing strain. It directly leads to an aching pain relived by not wearing underwear for 1-2 hours. On rare occasions the pain is a side-effect of someone sucking on the sack a bit "enthusiastic" straining the muscle leading to same aching pain. 

Probably your "blueball"-pain is caused by the random erections and/or tight/unsupportive underwear. These things do strain the muscle controlling the testicles movements. Jacking off makes your brain release pain-relieving drugs/hormones.


----------



## pwowq

OrangeAppled said:


> It happens as a woman also. When I've been in a relationship, way more men seem to notice me, flirt with me, etc.
> I agree it's a change in your vibe.


I've noticed how taken women are more open to strangers (me) and being friendlier (to me) than single women (which seem to fucking hate me 9/10 times).


----------



## Hei

I've dismissed just about every person that has been interested in dating me with little hesitation. I wonder if my unwillingness to just "give someone a chance" makes me cruel.


* *





In my head I've evaluated their looks, what I know about them and whatever I believe I can intuit. If they are not within the chemistry dynamic I am looking, my perceived needs in a relationship, it is settled then and there. I figure that I am just sparing both of us; I certainly do not want to waste my time and mess with my emotions. Why are there seemingly so many people willing to gamble time and emotions with complete strangers or acquaintances? Despite my formulaic handling of these situations and regardless of if I barely know the person asking me it is not easy to look a person in the eyes and reject them.

I feel like more of a romantic and empathetic person than the average. I understand wanting a relationship with an amazing person more than anything else, and I know very well of heartache. I do not understand the willingness that some people have to just "try it out" with any person. I feel so dense.


----------



## Nyanpichu

pwowq said:


> I get various pains in the balls from time to time. I try to learn from it. Most often it's because the underwear is causing strain. It directly leads to an aching pain relived by not wearing underwear for 1-2 hours. On rare occasions the pain is a side-effect of someone sucking on the sack a bit "enthusiastic" straining the muscle leading to same aching pain.
> 
> Probably your "blueball"-pain is caused by the random erections and/or tight/unsupportive underwear. These things do strain the muscle controlling the testicles movements. Jacking off makes your brain release pain-relieving drugs/hormones.


Idk wear underwear most of the time o:
lmao that feel when you cum but she keeps succing >.>


----------



## pwowq

Nyanpichu said:


> lmao that feel when you cum but she keeps succing >.>











Epiphany of romantic gestures!


----------



## Veggie

Should I take a lover in the form of a dude I dated four years ago?

He just started texting too.

Maybe he can help in my lack of romantic fantasy. In reality he's probably just sniffing around to see if I'll be home for Christmas, because of you know, sex, and trying to get it and stuff, but.

I can make him my Hallmark holiday movie man in my head. 

Where literally every story is the plot of Sweet Home Alabama starring Candace Cameron, only maybe someone's dad is Santa Claus. 

I can be the exotic independent city girl come to visit, who's heart is with a small town and it's most eligible bachelor... if only I'd realize it.

I wonder if I play it just right, like, WWCCD (what would Candace Cameron do) - if I could maybe get that dynamic going for a hot minute. All the worlds a stage and stuff.


----------



## Mostly Harmless

FUCK I miss my ex so much it's killing me. I had a horrible dream about him last night. It was NYE and I was lonely so I called him and he came over and we made out for a while but then I got texts from the ENTJ I'm dating now asking me to hang out and have sex and I was in the bathroom doing my makeup and wondering how to get away without being seen ... and when I came out, I realized from my ex's face that had seen those texts and my flirty "sure I'll come over as soon as I can get away" responses ... and ugh I think my subconscious is telling me that I miss him because I want to use him to get the emotional support I'm not getting from the ENTJ??? And I don't expect it from the ENTJ because we're not in a committed relationship but oh sweet lord, I miss what I had with my ex, which makes me miss my ex. It's good he lives halfway across the country now so I can't do anything stupid like just land up at his place, throw myself at him and convince him to let me fuck his brains out.


----------



## Tropes

pwowq said:


> I've noticed how taken women are more open to strangers (me) and being friendlier (to me) than single women (which seem to fucking hate me 9/10 times).


I've heard PUA guys claim that taken women are easier to pick up than single women. Personally, I find that idea extremely demoralizing, though I take some comfort in the very likely possibility that this is the very purpose of the statement - a meme mutation to convince the guys who get into PUA to remain single and thus continue following PUA advice, a way to keep them around to buy the books, order the DVDs, follow on social media, etc'.


----------



## Lollapalooza

pwowq said:


> I've noticed how taken women are more open to strangers (me) and being friendlier (to me) than single women (which seem to fucking hate me 9/10 times).


Well, that's quite understandable. I've noticed that it's easier for me to talk to men who are taken. I'm more relaxed because there's no kind of any expectations. I don't expect anything from them and they don't expect anything from me. It is very liberating. 

With single men it's more difficult because I have to be careful not to give the wrong idea because usually when I'm being nice and chatting and being relaxed with some guy who's single he thinks that I'm interested and vanishes (or starts to get little too close or something that makes me to vanish). Or maybe he just thinks that I'm an idiot and vanishes... :rolling:


----------



## piano

hmmm ok. no bullshit.


* *




i try not to think about this too much because it makes me feel like shit but i don't think i'm girlfriend material. at all. i've never felt desired by any guy beyond the physical or equally shallow factors such as shared music taste. the attraction always felt superficial and the moment i fell for them all interest was lost on their end. i've never had a reciprocated crush or boyfriend get jealous. i don't actually set out to make them jealous or anything but there's always a characteristic male possessiveness lacking. only one ever showed it to me but it didn't feel real. sometimes i'd even secretly wish for a controlling partner (even though i know it's kinda ludicrous and in reality i probably wouldn't like it) because at least then i'd know they cared about losing me. 

on top of that, i just feel average in every conceivable way. i've never felt that my partners thought positively of me and it became evident every time i was feeling low and they struggled to cheer me up. i could never feel their love. in fact, i can't even remember seeing subtle signs of it. i feel like i just grasp at straws in relationships that are doomed from the start to keep myself from throwing in the towel early so i lower my standards beyond what's reasonable to maintain that connection and it's fucking embarrassing. i don't even feel confident enough in their affection toward me to message them out of the blue asking if they'd be down to go out later. not even just to talk.

i can't think of a single unique thing i can offer my partner. nothing. i feel like air. no. i am air.

i haven't slept in over 24 hours so my prose is uninhibited and slightly angry. there's heartache too. there may be a few exaggerations spread about but i think most of it stays true to my personal experiences. i try to be positive about it because what good does being negative do? but, if i'm being honest, i don't believe i'll ever be loved or cared for. now it's time to nap the sadness away.


----------



## Morfy

pobrecita said:


> hmmm ok. no bullshit.
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> i try not to think about this too much because it makes me feel like shit but i don't think i'm girlfriend material. at all. i've never felt desired by any guy beyond the physical or equally shallow factors such as shared music taste. the attraction always felt superficial and the moment i fell for them all interest was lost on their end. i've never had a reciprocated crush or boyfriend get jealous. i don't actually set out to make them jealous or anything but there's always a characteristic male possessiveness lacking. only one ever showed it to me but it didn't feel real. sometimes i'd even secretly wish for a controlling partner (even though i know it's kinda ludicrous and in reality i probably wouldn't like it) because at least then i'd know they cared about losing me.
> 
> on top of that, i just feel average in every conceivable way. i've never felt that my partners thought positively of me and it became evident every time i was feeling low and they struggled to cheer me up. i could never feel their love. in fact, i can't even remember seeing subtle signs of it. i feel like i just grasp at straws in relationships that are doomed from the start to keep myself from throwing in the towel early so i lower my standards beyond what's reasonable to maintain that connection and it's fucking embarrassing. i don't even feel confident enough in their affection toward me to message them out of the blue asking if they'd be down to go out later. not even just to talk.
> 
> i can't think of a single unique thing i can offer my partner. nothing. i feel like air. no. i am air.
> 
> i haven't slept in over 24 hours so my prose is uninhibited and slightly angry. there's heartache too. there may be a few exaggerations spread about but i think most of it stays true to my personal experiences. i try to be positive about it because what good does being negative do? but, if i'm being honest, i don't believe i'll ever be loved or cared for. now it's time to nap the sadness away.


You're definitely girlfriend material and please don't go looking for a controlling partner just because you're self-esteem has taken a few blows. That won't fix anything :/

I think you have the potential to become a really inspiring woman once you gain some self-esteem and stop second-guessing yourself so much. At that point you'll bring all the boys to the yard and you can easily find someone who you can truly connect with and build an actual relationship.

Don't settle for someone just because they show jealousy or make you feel desired, though. You'd be selling yourself short and it won't really let you grow as a person.


----------



## tinyheart

I've gone cold I think. 

I think I'm only scared.

I'm trying to focus on me. But one day I'll be alone.
No one will be there for me because everyone has a home to go to, that is not shared with me.
I'm trying to toughen up so one day I'll be strong enough not to allow anyone or anything to penetrate my shield.

But loneliness will be like shadows on the wall. Driving me insane.
And watching everyone happy around me will bring me to despair.

One day I'll find someone sure.
I don't deserve anything or anyone. Neither will he. We'll end up with each other.
Any love will turn into bitterness and hatred.
And perhaps that's what love will be.
Together because there's nowhere else to go. Nowhere to escape. They're the only one who knows the reality of love and the inevitability that it will one day bring desolation and emptiness. Maybe everyone else is just fooling themselves. They convince themselves they're in love even when time has proven not. Maybe they're all smiling but the truth is they're scared to be alone. Perhaps my SO and I will be the only ones who recognize it and accept it, this lovelessness. We'll work it out, while everyone cradles themselves in the idea that they're still loved.

We'll be stronger than everyone else because we're not in love. Because we've accepted that reality. And we'll reign in the grey wasteland only we can see.

*chuckles darkly*

Anyways, enough existentialing. Time for homework and food. roud:


----------



## Hypaspist

I talk to women in a lower voice = I feel like I'm coming across as pissed/angry.
I talk to women in a higher voice = I sound like a f*ing choirboy and they go into "mom mode". 

There's just no winning....


----------



## Parade of Sparrows

I wish I could erase you out of my existence but that doesn't seem to be even the slightest of possibilities. Our lives are so intertwined that to unravel it completely would require me to just run far enough away that no one I ever knew to any real amount of detail could reach me. 

Trust me, I've been thinking about it. Japan anyone?

I want to get away from your twisted games. This push pull and fall back again dynamic is driving me insane. I'd be lying if it wasn't stupidly intoxicating. 

I'm sorry I didn't say happy birthday, but you were the one who told me to never talk to you again. It was just as weird for me to have to fight against the urge as it was for you to not get anything from me. 

So why talk to me now anyways? I was just about to forget you even existed. (thats a lie)


----------



## Macrosapien

Mostly Harmless said:


> FUCK I miss my ex so much it's killing me. I had a horrible dream about him last night. It was NYE and I was lonely so I called him and he came over and we made out for a while but then I got texts from the ENTJ I'm dating now asking me to hang out and have sex and I was in the bathroom doing my makeup and wondering how to get away without being seen ... and when I came out, I realized from my ex's face that had seen those texts and my flirty "sure I'll come over as soon as I can get away" responses ... and ugh I think my subconscious is telling me that I miss him because I want to use him to get the emotional support I'm not getting from the ENTJ??? And I don't expect it from the ENTJ because we're not in a committed relationship but oh sweet lord, I miss what I had with my ex, which makes me miss my ex. It's good he lives halfway across the country now so I can't do anything stupid like just land up at his place, throw myself at him and convince him to let me fuck his brains out.


Your new guy is part of your bad luck, right?


----------



## Chesire Tower

Memory of Talon said:


> When she said she wanted no strings attached I should have believed her. It was fun while it lasted.


Next time, make sure they're not silly strings:


----------



## WickerDeer

This isn't really romantic, and maybe more sexual, but I sometimes feel so awkward with women, but it's really rare. It's weird.

At the grocery store with a poor, unwitting cashier who happened to just be really pretty, which made me confused:

Me: Noticing her makeup and wondering about her* trying to find good heterosexual comment to make to other women to make it seem like I am staring because I am just wondering about women things.*

Me:...I like your makeup...

Her: Oh--it came from a grunge pallet 

Me:...I like how it's a cool color...

Her: It's basically pink.

Me: But a cool pink...not like hot pink. And I like the contrast of the dark hair and eyes...it looks quite dramatic.

Her:...*smiles*

Me: *determined to sound totally normal about attention to her makeup* I would like to try that myself...I have been forgetting sunscreen though lately. Y'know...for the pale skin...

Her: I like your freckles though. *motions finger over her cheeks where freckles go* *smiles*

Me: *turns red* I...yeah...but I like to wear sunscreen, though.

Her: Do you peel when you get sunburned?

Me: No...but...

Her: At least it's not cloudy... *totally cloudy, raining day*
....um...I mean it is cloudy, but I meant at least it's not sunny.

Me: Yeah.


Yeah...we shared a moment. lol Or I shared a retarded moment. Poor attractive cashiers who are just tired and trying to do their jobs while people make stupid smalltalk with them. 

I still...I found it a weird experience. I can't tell if I was attracted to her or not. But she was very pretty in her way. But I wondered about my sexuality or why it seemed so awkward to me. This should probably go in sexual confessions, but I didn't know where else to put it.

It's not really romantic, but it's not sexual either. But it's some kind of confession. I think figure drawing is best.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Stelliferous said:


> Inside the spoiler might be uncomfortable for you to read as it's against romance.
> 
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Romance makes me sick to my stomach. I used to be into it then I realized how destructive it is. When you sacrifice things for another person 1) it never lasts, 2) you become weaker, 3) you waste time that could be spent learning what love really means.
> 
> William James said that the only fixed point in time for lovers is the end. Everything before that anything can happen. You are fooling yourself if you try to fix a point in time that is anything but the end.


Love is chemical responses/endorphins in your brain. It makes you crazy,so.....

I say that as someone very much in love.


----------



## SgtPepper

i kinda like this thread more. y isnt it stickied?


----------



## Parade of Sparrows

Aeneas321 said:


> i kinda like this thread more. y isnt it stickied?


Stickies must be requested.


----------



## tinyheart

Chesire Tower said:


> Next time, make sure they're not silly strings:


This killed my eyes..


----------



## tinyheart

Memory of Talon said:


> Stickies must be requested.


I request.


----------



## tinyheart

Is it just me or do others sometimes feel an over attachment/obsession/unhealthy neediness emanating from someone that likes you? 

If I take a moment to count up all the guys I've known have liked me either because they said or because someone else said...it'd amount to just under 15.

I've known three that cried over me for some reason. Immediate turn off and I felt scared.


* *




One was severely annoying and had autism, so a) HE DIDN'T GET IT NO I DON'T LIKE YOU I WISH YOU COULD READ SOCIAL CUES TO KNOW and b) if I said anything "mean" (I was simply trying to be very straightforward that I didn't like him = mean) he'd throw a tantrum and I'd get in trouble. :dry: Would do things that embarrassed me in front of my friends in middle school and in high school...I avoided paths with him and survived. 




And then there was only one guy who came forward, told me he liked me, didn't care if I didn't like him back, just wanted to let me know. I resented him for a while since he was my friend and I never liked the feeling of having a friend like you back (unless it was mutual, bc it puts this awkward barrier between us if I can't like him back ) but now I look back and think that he was the only one who respected my space. 


* *




Then there's my ex who was overly needy..




All in all, it scares me to have guys like me that are too attached and clingy. It didn't bother me so much when I began my one relationship but after a while it was choking me. It scares me because it makes me feel like I need to be responsible for someone else.

Perhaps all this makes me look like a cold biatch. But I can't control how I react to these situations. It's one thing to be like that when you're in a serious relationship I guess (to an extent) but when you barely know the tip of the iceberg...


----------



## DualGnosis

Romantic Confessions Thread?? When was this a thing??

Hmm... I mean I do have some stories to tell from when I was in my teens and college days, but these days I've kind of given up on romance... at least for the time being.


----------



## marybluesky

I never dated the guys I loved
My best romantic memories are with an 18 year-old guy friend


----------



## tinyheart

Yay it stickied!!!! <3


----------



## HellCat

My partner is fantastic, a giant toolbox carrying kit and about 150 dollars worth of tools, candy eggs and beef jerky for my birthday. 

I love him in ways that are indescribable and holy shit muscles, hot sexy cowboy. MY hot sexy brilliant, witty intellectual, compassionate, empathic, wise, gentle, so amazing HellBoy cowboy. Mmmmmmmmmm 

:kitteh: once when a dog peed on one of his property;s tiles.. He knelt down and said aww poor boy you must be frightened of me and cleaned it up. 

Every other man or person I know would have freaked out

I struck a lottery. I have a disney prince, who looks like a pirate and is wild and perfect for me in EVERY format.


----------



## bleghc

i still like someone who i claimed to have gotten over months ago. i'm friends with someone who is _absolutely_ obsessed with him and has asked me to try getting them to talk since i'm already one of his close friends. i told her i don't like him anymore which is why this past month, she's not only been asking me on ways to talk to him but has also opened up about all of her feelings regarding him. and i've given her a lot of genuine advice as well without any intent of "sabotaging" the chances of her having any kind of relationship with him 

... for a long time, i've thought of myself as being a good friend for this but only recently have i started realizing that i'm also kind of shitty for it. not only did i lie to her about not liking him but i guess, to an extent, i guess i've also tried to use the information i "get" out of her (i.e. her telling me the interactions - or lack, thereof, she had with him throughout the day) to my advantage in terms of getting a better/more objective understanding of how close i exactly am to him, at least with other girls. i don't plan on developing my relationship with him any further and i don't plan on manipulating anyone in a way that would hurt them directly but it still feels really icky.


----------



## Veggie

Dating makes me feel so scummy sometimes.

I went out with this dude last night and I wasn't attracted to him in person. It wasn't just looks, either. I dodged the kiss at the end of the night and went in for a hug. He texted with a hope you had fun so I responded politely with a casual I did! or something (which wasn't untrue, he was easy to talk to and stuff). ...then he texted a couple more times :frustrating:

I ran into a guy friend - or, I guess he's more like an acquaintance? I don't really know - and I'm like... tell me how to respond to this! I liked him as a person, and the date didn't go terribly, so I felt guilty. He tells me to send this long response and I'm just kind of looking at him wide eyed like - people are that honest with each other in your world?! lol. He just got out of a relationship though, so I guess he's used to people communicating in length with each other. I remember those days. Once upon a time.

So I didn't take the advice and crossed my fingers that the dude would let me ghost him. He texted me all day while I was sleeping and then when my phone was dead, so even if I wanted to respond (which I kinda did, I was trying to figure out if I could tweak the advice), it was weird at that point. Then he texted at like eleven pm with a hey. I just responded with a what's up? ...and he was like, oh okay, I figured I was being ghosted. What do I say to that? So awkward. 

It's funny, because earlier yesterday I was saying that I can read vibes through text, and I kinda got weird ones from him. He sent this huh with two question marks to something I said, and it just felt really... not smooth. Like he didn't think he had to impress me. Hard to describe. But I was already half ready at that point and in go out mode. So I ignored it. But these texts don't really surprise me given those vibes. I need to get even better at the texting gate keeping, because this was unpleasant.


----------



## g_w

pomPOM said:


> I know I put too many eggs in one basket and that is probably exactly why abundance isn't working or feeling natural to me, but I cannot help it. It would require A MAJOR mindset switch to be able to look at my needs or other people, etc. differently.


See, that's your problem. Try adding bacon to the basket as well...:laughing: :frustrating:


----------



## septic tank

I have this theory that when I am romantically interested in someone, I shut up about all my sexual feelings and I stay modest about it. If I'm not interested in them, I talk about it freely.


----------



## Purrfessor

deathcakes said:


> I have this theory that when I am romantically interested in someone, I shut up about all my sexual feelings and I stay modest about it. If I'm not interested in them, I talk about it freely.


That's good. Sex is like Voldemort in a romantic relationship. If you talk about it bad things happen. 0.0


----------



## desert lynx

Veggie said:


> He texted with a hope you had fun so I responded politely with a casual I did! or something (which wasn't untrue, he was easy to talk to and stuff). ...then he texted a couple more times :frustrating:
> 
> I ran into a guy friend - or, I guess he's more like an acquaintance? I don't really know - and I'm like... tell me how to respond to this! I liked him as a person, and the date didn't go terribly, so I felt guilty. He tells me to send this long response and I'm just kind of looking at him wide eyed like - people are that honest with each other in your world?! lol. He just got out of a relationship though, so I guess he's used to people communicating in length with each other. I remember those days. Once upon a time.
> 
> So I didn't take the advice and crossed my fingers that the dude would let me ghost him. He texted me all day while I was sleeping and then when my phone was dead, so even if I wanted to respond (which I kinda did, I was trying to figure out if I could tweak the advice), it was weird at that point. Then he texted at like eleven pm with a hey. I just responded with a what's up? ...and he was like, oh okay, I figured I was being ghosted. What do I say to that? So awkward.
> 
> It's funny, because earlier yesterday I was saying that I can read vibes through text, and I kinda got weird ones from him. He sent this huh with two question marks to something I said, and it just felt really... not smooth. Like he didn't think he had to impress me. Hard to describe. But I was already half ready at that point and in go out mode. So I ignored it. But these texts don't really surprise me given those vibes. I need to get even better at the texting gate keeping, because this was unpleasant.


This. This is why I hate dating. Like why does this phase even exist? Just be honest with me. And can we actually talk rather than ghost texting and misunderstanding each other?


----------



## Veggie

desert lynx said:


> This. This is why I hate dating. Like why does this phase even exist? Just be honest with me. And can we actually talk rather than ghost texting and misunderstanding each other?


I'd much rather ghost. He wasn't taking cues. Or he was, but he was being too aggressive about it, and making it hard for me to respond sociably.

Most guys take it back to the app much quicker if they aren't getting a desired response (messaging - feels less intrusive that way), and try to remain more... charming? 

I have a dude who still messages me from about a year ago, but it's always nice variations of "hey you" - obviously I'm not responding, but he's being _smart_ in his persistence if he what he wants is to maybe see me again. This guy felt a little harass-y or something. Like what good did he think was going to come of what he was doing? I honestly was sleeping when he sent a few texts too. Rather than allow for that kinda possibility and let me get back to him in a relaxed timeframe (if what he wanted was a (positive) response), he kept at it. And maybe I wouldn't have, but I didn't owe him that after a single date (no nooky, no kiss). You put one or two texts out there, you let it sit. (In most relationships, really, unless something's urgent). Maybe you put a few or a couple more out there at a fresh, later time. (Though this guy isn't even local).

And then when he does get a response, he instantly says something awkward and accusatory in nature that's hard to respond to? If what he wanted was a polite, super honest dialogue - why didn't he start it? Why put that on me?

...it was this sort of thing that I think aided in my not being attracted to him beyond the physical. Just came through in his demeanor or something too, though I think he was overall "nice". I've only ever had one other guy do this sort of thing (over the course of like, a month :frustrating, and he was... this is going to sound awful - but not really in my league? (edit: I only bring that up because I wonder if different levels of experience correlate with socialization with this stuff?) I see him out at this place where I grab lunch sometimes, and it's perpetually awkward now when it shouldn't have to be. It makes me less open minded when I'm scrolling through pics, I won't lie. 

But yea, just kind of my experiences, and it IS an annoying phase, agreed. lol. I finally just sent "Hey I had fun, but I can't do a second date" ...or something like that.


----------



## tinyheart

* *




TBH I don't think I'm very capable of pleasing anyone sexually. I say this because I look at others and they're wild.
I'm just...idk, I can't be sexually attracted to someone until I'm in a relationship with them. And it's so weird because I think most people expect that from the other person.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

If you want a kiss all you have to do is chug a cup of beer. It's disgusting beer so I didn't bother doing it myself, but the option is there. When I discovered that, I realized that my "inability" to succeed was not simply a matter of a lack of effort or pure stupidity. The people count. There are people in this world who would jump on me or anyone else if they had the chance. For most of my life I have been surrounded by the opposite kind of person. The kind of person who sneers at the thought of a touch and asserts strict boundaries very quickly. Most of the girls from my old school saw boys as family rather than mates. Sex and romance are scary unless the conditions are perfectly optimal for some people. Others like to just have fun with their damn lives. There's this girl I know who showers with other girls. Getting physical is normal for these people. There aren't hundreds of barriers with some people, sometimes all you have to do is ask. I used to dislike the promiscuous person, but I realize now that there is more pro than con there, at least if that's what one is searching for.


----------



## desert lynx

@Veggie I never text more than two or three times. Ghosting annoys the crap out of me because to me all it says is "You and your time means nothing to me". I can gracefully accept a rejection but I hate ghosting. I don't put up with it, and I'm not persistent because I've completely lost interest. Probably more reasons why I'm currently single.


----------



## Veggie

desert lynx said:


> @Veggie I never text more than two or three times. Ghosting annoys the crap out of me because to me all it says is "You and your time means nothing to me". I can gracefully accept a rejection but I hate ghosting. I don't put up with it, and I'm not persistent because I've completely lost interest. Probably more reasons why I'm currently single.


This guy didn't even give me the opportunity to be "busy" or something via text. He just totally put me off. In a day where people (basic strangers) plaster cell screenshots all over the internet and what not, especially, lol, I don't think I owe anyone some blunt, awkward documented response that opens a door for who knows what because we went out on a single date with no guarantee of a second, by nature of what a first date is. It's not like I led him on or showed particular romantic interest, either.

But yea, I'll normally do that sort of thing first (respond without furthering the interaction), and the dude responds appropriately. 

What do you mean you don't "put up" with ghosting? lol.


----------



## 6007

The biggest crush I have ever had is on my current boyfriend.
Sometimes I still day dream about him.


----------



## Mange

Stelliferous said:


> Sex is like Voldemort


not something i expected to read ever in my life. tysm for this


----------



## desert lynx

Veggie said:


> What do you mean you don't "put up" with ghosting? lol.


Basically I want nothing more to do with that person, and I probably won't have the nicest things to say about them if anyone asks.


----------



## Veggie

desert lynx said:


> Basically I want nothing more to do with that person


Well that first part is the goal, lol.

But yea, you could probably argue at what (if any) point-under what circumstances it's appropriate or generally "ok" to do.


----------



## Purrfessor

Red Mange said:


> not something i expected to read ever in my life. tysm for this


Study Harry Potter and the symbolism. It's all about sex. Cmon "magic" wtf you think that means. Or how about "wand"?? Or WHORECRUXEz

Its all there in code 

but srsly it's all about sex magic


----------



## Gossip Goat

cursive said:


> The biggest crush I have ever had is on my current boyfriend.
> Sometimes I still day dream about him.


This is so cute 

Reminds me of this:


----------



## Purrfessor

Wonder why a snake lives in the wet as fuck chamber of secrets hmmmmmmmm

So steamy


----------



## desert lynx

Veggie said:


> Well that first part is the goal, lol.


Results is always the most important thing, but I think method matters some as well. I've always been of the general opinion that if you treat enough people poorly, it's gonna bite you on the ass eventually whether you even realize it or not.


----------



## Veggie

desert lynx said:


> Results is always the most important thing, but I think method matters some as well. I've always been of the general opinion that if you treat enough people poorly, it's gonna bite you on the ass eventually whether you even realize it or not.


What's funny is that I think he treated me poorly.

He was being antisocial and inappropriate imo.


----------



## Veggie

Yay yay yay yay yay.

So I finally feel like my... mojo's (? lol) back.

Dating after my break-up was hard, because the person had been such a huge part of my life, that my brain would often go that way in conversation which... is obviously kind of a no no. Plus, it ended badly, so it was sort of like this bleeding wound.

Then what that started to subside it turned into - don't talk about how you lost your mind. (Actually, I kind of avoided dating altogether, for like over a year after that).

Then when I was ready to get back out there yet again, it became - don't talk about the traumatic thing that happened as soon as you moved down here that set you back. (More bleeding wounds!)

So, when everything's already a bit awkward, I have this very strict voice sitting at the forefront of my filter, kinda further impeding my ability to legitimately open up for fear of a torrent.

BUT. Last night (first date) I felt open and friendly and animated and funny and feminine and confident... despite some inevitable awkward moments. (Some of which I'm proud to say I think I stepped in to fill with ease).

My brain felt free to naturally go wherever it wanted - and it didn't go to any of the places it wasn't supposed to go. I didn't feel like I was hiding anything in that either - WHEW!!! ...it was awesome.

I think it helped that this guy had like no filter at all. LOL. He told me later he kind of enjoys putting people on edge a bit... but that often does the opposite with me and makes me feel more comfortable. I could tell he was being a little bit of a dick early on, but it just made all of the evil parts of my brain light up in glee. Challenge on.

...I have a lot of good stories. My life has been so much more than the bad stuff.


----------



## tinyheart

Does anyone else get this feeling?

There's a guilt I carry because I left him. I feel sometimes that I get over it only for it to come back later as a ghost. And in a way he is my ghost even if he breathes still somewhere on this planet. It's not the ghost of him as a young man, but that of a little boy. A little boy who seeks love and dreams and somewhere to call home. As he grew all those ideals became a person. Holding onto that one hope his whole life, "finding" it, and then for that hope to slip away because that hope is a person (me) who can't live up to what he needs...

I'm haunted by a ghost of a little boy who needed saving...and for so long I was convinced that I could be the one to do that. And the guilt that perhaps I fed into that dream of his and left him shattered...

It makes me a murderer of dreams doesn't it?


----------



## Purrfessor

mytinyheart said:


> Does anyone else get this feeling?
> 
> There's a guilt I carry because I left him. I feel sometimes that I get over it only for it to come back later as a ghost. And in a way he is my ghost even if he breathes still somewhere on this planet. It's not the ghost of him as a young man, but that of a little boy. A little boy who seeks love and dreams and somewhere to call home. As he grew all those ideals became a person. Holding onto that one hope his whole life, "finding" it, and then for that hope to slip away because that hope is a person (me) who can't live up to what he needs...
> 
> I'm haunted by a ghost of a little boy who needed saving...and for so long I was convinced that I could be the one to do that. And the guilt that perhaps I fed into that dream of his and left him shattered...
> 
> It makes me a murderer of dreams doesn't it?


It makes you a murderer of half a dream. And it makes he a murderer of half a heart. It's not all on you. I think it is something simply out of anybody's control. You both lacked what each other had and gained in the end. Both of you. You gained the dreams and he gained the hearts. What grows inside you came from him and what grows inside him came from you. The yin yang. 

Its not about what you did to him or what he did to you, but about what love did to both of you. Your guilt holds you back from accepting his gift he gave to complete you. 

<3

Ill always have memory of the one who completed me. She took my suffering and gave me hope. I took her hope and gave her suffering. We both needed each other to give up that part of ourself so the other could grow. And I cry for her not out of guilt but out of our eternal love that can escape neither of us. We are tied together forever, wherever the road leads each of us.


----------



## Jamaia

mytinyheart said:


> Does anyone else get this feeling?
> 
> There's a guilt I carry because I left him. I feel sometimes that I get over it only for it to come back later as a ghost. And in a way he is my ghost even if he breathes still somewhere on this planet. It's not the ghost of him as a young man, but that of a little boy. A little boy who seeks love and dreams and somewhere to call home. As he grew all those ideals became a person. Holding onto that one hope his whole life, "finding" it, and then for that hope to slip away because that hope is a person (me) who can't live up to what he needs...
> 
> I'm haunted by a ghost of a little boy who needed saving...and for so long I was convinced that I could be the one to do that. And the guilt that perhaps I fed into that dream of his and left him shattered...
> 
> It makes me a murderer of dreams doesn't it?


Ouh I was just reading the one thread about love yesterday and wondering why you said you relate but don't want to think about it. 

That's tough. Maybe the ghost keeps coming back because you have to get over yourself? 

But it wouldn't have been any more right to let him go on with his childish hope intact. It's not gone I'm sure, it's just morphed into something a little bit more sustainable, like a child grows into an adult. Maybe he'll go on to find someone else and he'll be better adjusted, because that someone else will be a person too and won't be able to live up to impossible dreams. So you couldn't live up to it either, but at least you understand the fragility of it, it doesn't sound like you abused him. Shouldn't you see him as an equal and not someone lesser of you who you have to watch over? Which does him more good?

You probably did feed into his dream, of course you did, and it probably felt very good at the time and the feeling fed into some of your dreams, so feel guilty for that and maybe try to learn from it in moderation, but isn't your child with fragile hopes and ideals just as much as his was, and aren't you with humane weaknesses and flaws just as much as he was? It was inevitable but maybe it was worth it?


----------



## JustTima

This is going to be really embarrassing xD deep breath, here we go. So, I'll be heading off to university in a few months, and I'm excited even though everyone says I'll regret saying that in a month or two in xD. But Anyway, I've....never had an honest-to-god relationship before. Phew finally got that off. Before that was only a series of random attractions, over-the-top glances, and crushes. None of them worked, obviously, but looking back, they weren't the guys for me anyway. I'm in that boxy paradox, being surrounded by couples everywhere. My friends are dating, my younger brothers are on-the-point of dating, even my bestie's little sister is dating. Talk about "Umm, really now" :laughing: But, you know, It's good. Aside from the fact that I never found the right guy in my opinion, and I'm not playing into an INFP stereotype when I say that. I never wanted a prince charming or to live in a Nicholas Sparks Novel, funny enough they are kind of too mushy for me, except a walk to remember, that was epic (getting off topic wow xD) I just said I wanted someone to listen to my ramblings, understand my random thoughts, be sweet and caring (a bonus would be to be able to tell when I'm pulling that whole "I'm laughing to hide my sadness" facade (But, I'm getting into too much detail - again :rolling: )
So yeah, bottom line, I'm curious about the whole thing, a little lonely because a stupid bot said that i'll be forever alone because he asked me If there is anyone around me who's like me? And I answered no. Like what the hell bot thingie, that was so outta line :laughin: Don't go assuming things guys, I was just speaking to it to A. practice my German skills so far and B.you gotta be curious about that thing It's fascinating as hell. 
But yeah, this has become way too long. I do hope some of you read this far xD


----------



## upintheskyonlithium

I have never been in a relationship. While all my other friends have.

I think the whole "emotional guy" thing is a real turn-off, even when girls say they love them.


----------



## Purrfessor

upintheskyonlithium said:


> I have never been in a relationship. While all my other friends have.
> 
> I think the whole "emotional guy" thing is a real turn-off, even when girls say they love them.


They're into sex. You have to turn your emotions into sex, not keep them to yourself.


----------



## upintheskyonlithium

Stelliferous said:


> They're into sex. You have to turn your emotions into sex, not keep them to yourself.


Sex? Like, flirtatious stuff? I don't see the immediate connection between emotions and sex (as an act, I mean).


----------



## Purrfessor

upintheskyonlithium said:


> Sex? Like, flirtatious stuff? I don't see the immediate connection between emotions and sex (as an act, I mean).


You know like hate sex, love sex, sad sex, happy sex... that sort of thing. It turns sex 3 dimensional. That's why they like it. But they'll play with your emotions too so it's a risk depending on who you do it with. Some women like different things so steer clear of those who want to use you in ways you don't want to be used. Like I don't like hate sex at all. I stay away from women who want me to hate them. They'll try to get me to hate them and it'll piss me off and cause me to hate them but I don't want that stuff. That's not my comfort zone. I don't like to hate.


----------



## upintheskyonlithium

Stelliferous said:


> You know like hate sex, love sex, sad sex, happy sex... that sort of thing. It turns sex 3 dimensional. That's why they like it. But they'll play with your emotions too so it's a risk depending on who you do it with. Some women like different things so steer clear of those who want to use you in ways you don't want to be used. Like I don't like hate sex at all. I stay away from women who want me to hate them. They'll try to get me to hate them and it'll piss me off and cause me to hate them but I don't want that stuff. That's not my comfort zone. I don't like to hate.


Yeah, hate sex isn't my thing either really. Love sex all the way. Sometimes apologetic sex if I find my partner too fucking good to let go or the argument was over something really _really_ stupid. But hate sex like BDSM and whatnot, _fuck no._ Not that I have a problem with people who like that sort of stuff, it's just no-no for me personally. 

Wait, why the hell am I talking like I've experienced this?! WTF???


----------



## angelfish

mytinyheart said:


> A little boy who seeks love and dreams and somewhere to call home. As he grew all those ideals became a person. Holding onto that one hope his whole life, "finding" it, and then for that hope to slip away because that hope is a person (me) who can't live up to what he needs...
> 
> I'm haunted by a ghost of a little boy who needed saving...and for so long I was convinced that I could be the one to do that. And the guilt that perhaps I fed into that dream of his and left him shattered...
> 
> It makes me a murderer of dreams doesn't it?


We all seek that dream. It is not anyone's to give or take, just sometimes found in mutual places. You couldn't have given it to him no matter how much you wanted to.


----------



## Angina Jolie

What to do if I wanna cuddle but also dont even know what im gonna do after a month? And my cat has too many requirements. Also I like being the small spoon rather!


----------



## Veggie

I think dating has been messing with my head in kinda superficial ways maybe even more than I realized. lol. I wanna reconnect with my heart.


----------



## Ultio

pomPOM said:


> What to do if I wanna cuddle but also dont even know what im gonna do after a month? And my cat has too many requirements. Also I like being the small spoon rather!


You need one of these...Home - The Snuggle Buddies - Professional Cuddling :tongue:


----------



## Eefje

I don't fall immidately in love with someone, neither with my current boyfriend. But I always know somehow if there's a possible seed that can grow into love.

Lust is something *entirely* different :3


----------



## Veggie

I feel like second dates are more awkward than firsts. You feel like you kinda know each other already, but then... you don't. And you're trying to remember everything you learned about them before.

I went out with No Filter again. We were out on a patio, and at first it was uncomfortable, but then this ridiculous truck went by and I bet that there was a ball sack on the back of it (sadly, there wasn't) and suddenly everything was fine. But then it turned into a polite dick off again, lol. Only I think secretly it was revealed that I might (?) be the bigger dick in ways, despite the first impression he gave off. Not quite sure how to feel about that. Got the feeling he wasn't either.

Dude is maybe a Fe type? Despite our lack of actually (conventionally) communicating about certain things, I feel like we did, loud and clear - and that it was all picked up on. So I guess I don't feel bad, because I feel honest. Without feeling uncomfortable. Bless him for aiding in that. I can go about my night without feeling triggered/fight or flight.

Curious if we'll hang out again. It almost felt guaranteed at one point, but leaving I wasn't so sure. But I wasn't so sure I wanted to either, so. Will the cards fall where they may.

I don't think I've ever felt less crazy or dramatic stating that. lol. Energetically I feel even keel too.


----------



## cheesedeveloper

I have never had a decent romantic life. It's just me being heartbroken, used or one-sided... there is never a good time.


----------



## Desthro

@kaleidoscope thinks that this is the most romantic thing I have ever​ said to her: "Nobody could ever replace you. . . not even that hooker over there." (Said as we were driving home after getting groceries)


----------



## pwowq

Dating is like being drunk on a party you want to leave but can't:
- it fucks with your mind
- it's tiring
- you won't remember anything useful
- you lost money and time for nothing
- you don't remember how you got home and you sure hell don't want to go out for a year


----------



## SgtPepper

I always fall for the wrong one.

_And_ I'll know she's the wrong one, however I'll gleefully don my armor and ride out to my death anyway because I'm a emotional, stubborn, idealistic dumb-ass who refuses to rely on logic and reason when deciding matters of love.


----------



## tinyheart

I'm a terrible person is what I've gathered.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

mytinyheart said:


> I'm a terrible person is what I've gathered.


It's not your fault, it's society's fault for breeding terrible people.


----------



## shazam

I don't want anyone.


----------



## upintheskyonlithium

I cried when I heard that my crush's sister died - a lot. Even though I never met my crush's sister...


----------



## tinyheart

What I _can_ offer in a relationship is something most people don't _care_ about...


----------



## Veggie

This dude just messaged me the dating app pick up line from Master of None - Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything? lol. I don't really find him super attractive, but I kinda want to message him back for that reference. He does look fun.


----------



## megmento

Why do I always feel like I have dreams just to wear them out later? I need to write these bottled up thoughts sooner or later or I'll self-sabotage again.

Sent from my SM-E700H using Tapatalk


----------



## Gossip Goat

> Challengers/Trophies: EIE (ENFj) IEI (INFp) = (MBTI xNFJ)
> 
> These are the types who unconsciously throw a "gauntlet" down for their opponents. They know on an almost subliminal level exactly who they are looking for, and anyone who does not fit the bill will be subjected to a rather flakey, hot-cold game of courting tag. As a result, they may appear (both to others and to themselves) rather amorphous and can take on qualities of the other romantic attitudes, depending on the situation and who they are "challenging."













Also this one:



> Childlike Types: ENTp (ILE) INTj (LII) = (MBTI NTP)
> 
> These types seem to exist outside their own sexuality. Sex is to be metabolized psychologically for them in an almost roundabout way - as an emotional entity, or possibly even an intellectual exercise. In a partner, they are looking for someone who will deal with (and protect) their quirks and understand their sexuality on the same intellectual/emotional level.


I am not sure if I am skewed to relate so much to the first one, given a recent experience. The second seems to relate to the first one, too.


----------



## knife

pomPOM said:


> Want snuggles! Gib snuggles!


I'd snuggle!


----------



## goldthysanura

I'm going to go to this guy's place tomorrow night, after we both go to a meeting together...I haven't seen him for a few weeks, the last time we hung out I told him I have a crush on him. I do, he has amazing deep eyes and he seems mysterious, which I like. but I don't know if he wants to date or just be friends or friends with benefits. Sigh.


----------



## Veggie

Oh damn.


----------



## tinyheart




----------



## Chesire Tower




----------



## Chesire Tower




----------



## caity811

I'm a pretty big romantic and like compliments, dates, etc other people would find cheesy.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

When you realize that what you are to them is what ugly people are to you. Hmmm...


----------



## Cherry

hmm, idk man


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

I'd rather be the cuddly rabbit who kills with cuteness than a domineering alpha male. That being said I don't think I'm much of either one. I'm more in the middle, you know like a serial killer.


----------



## Noctis

knife said:


> I'd snuggle!


I would love some snuggles too!


----------



## coa999

i think my PM theresa may is hot. she has a nice figure/body.


----------



## Lonewaer

Got out with a friend of mine to the zoo a few days ago. We're absolutely clear that we're friends (already had the "what are we" discussion after our hookup, she likes me a lot but doesn't want a relationship because of external factors none of us has any control over), but after not so long, that outing really looked like a date. And I'm… fine with that.

I think I managed pretty well to stay composed, to keep my craving of her _somewhat_ hidden. On her end, she was quite tactile, made a pair of flirty teases (it was raining ; her : "We really didn't choose the best afternoon, we're soaked", me : "Sorry I don't have a jacket to give you", her : "You can give me your shirt" *winks*, me : "I'm sure you'd like that, but let's stay reasonable, I'd probably get arrested for indecency or something"), and it was all really pleasant.

After the zoo she invited me to take a drink or to have dinner, and as it was raining, suggested the idea of having tea at her place instead. I had a dinner planned with friends after that, so I had to refuse both options, sadly, we kept it to a drink in a bar, that she caught me by surprise by paying all of it. The whole time we stayed physically close even when we weren't touching, and at some point we maintained eye-contact in silence for a long time, which indicated to me that we really wanted each other despite that mutual and stupid "stay friends" decision.

This is really frustrating, and I don't know how many outings like this one it will take for us to not be able to behave anymore. I mean… it'll happen one way or another, I just wonder how long we'll resist it. I wanted to hold her, kiss her, and spend the rest of the evening in her company really badly, and so did she, but I'm proud (but frustrated) we didn't.

I'm doing all I can not to get attached, since she doesn't know yet if she'll do her master's degree in Asia or not, but she makes it reaaaaaally difficult. Or maybe she doesn't and that's just how chemistry works. I like her.


----------



## Angina Jolie

Lonewaer said:


> Got out with a friend of mine to the zoo a few days ago. We're absolutely clear that we're friends (already had the "what are we" discussion after our hookup, she likes me a lot but doesn't want a relationship because of external factors none of us has any control over), but after not so long, that outing really looked like a date. And I'm… fine with that.
> 
> I think I managed pretty well to stay composed, to keep my craving of her _somewhat_ hidden. On her end, she was quite tactile, made a pair of flirty teases (it was raining ; her : "We really didn't choose the best afternoon, we're soaked", me : "Sorry I don't have a jacket to give you", her : "You can give me your shirt" *winks*, me : "I'm sure you'd like that, but let's stay reasonable, I'd probably get arrested for indecency or something"), and it was all really pleasant.
> 
> After the zoo she invited me to take a drink or to have dinner, and as it was raining, suggested the idea of having tea at her place instead. I had a dinner planned with friends after that, so I had to refuse both options, sadly, we kept it to a drink in a bar, that she caught me by surprise by paying all of it. The whole time we stayed physically close even when we weren't touching, and at some point we maintained eye-contact in silence for a long time, which indicated to me that we really wanted each other despite that mutual and stupid "stay friends" decision.
> 
> This is really frustrating, and I don't know how many outings like this one it will take for us to not be able to behave anymore. I mean… it'll happen one way or another, I just wonder how long we'll resist it. I wanted to hold her, kiss her, and spend the rest of the evening in her company really badly, and so did she, but I'm proud (but frustrated) we didn't.
> 
> I'm doing all I can not to get attached, since she doesn't know yet if she'll do her master's degree in Asia or not, but she makes it reaaaaaally difficult. Or maybe she doesn't and that's just how chemistry works. I like her.


:sad:
:kitteh:
Adorable. Best of luck, whatever that implies in this case.


----------



## Lonewaer

pomPOM said:


> :sad:
> :kitteh:
> Adorable. Best of luck, whatever that implies in this case.


Thank you. I don't know what "good luck" implies either, I just know what I want, heh.


----------



## Lonewaer

Ok, I suppose "good luck" implies that she invites me to another outing. A "walk". I definitely didn't expect that, not so soon. I like this frequency.

I can't tonight because I have something planned already, but I can't wait for Wednesday. I'm excited like a flea.


----------



## Lonewaer

So it went from "a walk" to "a drink", to "something to eat", to "I accompany her home", to "we kiss a lot", to "I missed my train".


----------



## Chesire Tower




----------



## Parade of Sparrows

An endless dance.

If I come too close or pull too far I can feel her maneuver me back into the center. So I guess I'll keep in this gravitational equilibrium until I crash into the earth or fly into the sun; each which may take longer than I can predict


----------



## Chesire Tower




----------



## Angina Jolie

@kaleidoscope 
it wasn't fun for me either. i went through a crying marathon for a couple of days thinking this means i'm doomed, going back into past memories that may have created this attachment. It is more of a relief now to know that attachment styles can be worked on and even having some tips on that tho i'm still having worried thoughts of not being able to.

My Fearful(anxious) side has left me in a lot of disappointment where i was too much for the guy, jumping in too fast, clinging on out of fear. Basically giving off needy vibes even tho I've always been rather conscious not to do that.
My avoidant side has often left me not wanting anything to do anymore with those who do desire me. I was in a serious relationship with someones who was anxious and that pushed me way further into the avoidant side and that caused A LOT of issues (he was also stubborn and entitled and didn't wanna hear its a mutual problem, only i was to be blamed).

But I'm happy to hear your story :kitteh: approaching the relationship maturely and now also with more awareness of what might be causing the dynamic. Thank you for sharing that and also expanding on your experience more, it's nice to be reminded i'm not at all alone in these fears and worries and even more that it can be dealt with and great relationships can still be achieved


----------



## Angina Jolie

I don't understand what creates value in a partner. Like... why is one person attractive to you and another not (not including looks in the equations). I just can't figure it out what are the more general qualities in women that men are interested in and what are some turn offs.

Due to that I feel like before i have my job thing under control I can't date because i'm unattractive without it. And not just any job will sufface - something that I intended to get or something I'm passionate about, but the latter is not really gonna happen as I struggle with passion in such ways anyway.

In men their job does matter to a degree. If they are passionate about something that is also highly profitable - that's very attractive, not gonna lie. But a man who bring sin enough but not necessarily a lot, but is doing something with the intention of doing specifically that and loves it is already attractive.

I guess I really just don't understand what is my worth in the dating pool, i don't know what to base it on so I'm anxious to go back out again.


----------



## Sylarz

pomPOM said:


> I don't understand what creates value in a partner. Like... why is one person attractive to you and another not (not including looks in the equations). I just can't figure it out what are the more general qualities in women that men are interested in and what are some turn offs.
> 
> Due to that I feel like before i have my job thing under control I can't date because i'm unattractive without it. And not just any job will sufface - something that I intended to get or something I'm passionate about, but the latter is not really gonna happen as I struggle with passion in such ways anyway.
> 
> In men their job does matter to a degree. If they are passionate about something that is also highly profitable - that's very attractive, not gonna lie. But a man who bring sin enough but not necessarily a lot, but is doing something with the intention of doing specifically that and loves it is already attractive.
> 
> I guess I really just don't understand what is my worth in the dating pool, i don't know what to base it on so I'm anxious to go back out again.


Your value is your _feminine energy_ and how that makes him feel when he's around you. And if you are the girl in your profile picture, you have nothing to worry about. Your smile could melt an ice cube at the north pole in winter.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I might be finally starting to accept the idea that my personality is too much for most men. I'm an extremely outgoing, chatty person and usually the only guys who are into me are (1) more quiet, boring ones who seem to not view me as a person, rather a pillar of confidence that can make them feel more alive or (2) men who just wanna have sex and think I'd be a lot of fun in bed (which I'm pretty sure I am, but that's not the point.)

It's not necessarily depressing right now. But it is a bit frustrating. I guess I'm kind of tired of me not even being slightly attracted to the personalities of any of the men I meet. No matter what comes of anything, I'd like to have an actual chance at feeling just the spark that equates to me wanting to get to know someone better -_- I don't even know what kind of guy I'd go for anymore, though.


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

A quality electronic device is always more satisfying than the typical human.


----------



## caity811

My birthday is coming up and my boyfriend hinted that he's getting me something that took a lot of preparation, and he thinks I'm going to really like it. I'm excited to find out what it is.


----------



## Mange

Arent trees sexula yeah??


----------



## Mange

sometimes im in the woods tbhtbhtbh


----------



## kaleidoscope

I love it when he decides to surprise me with something. He's occasionally into arts and crafts, and everything he has made me so far is just amazing: a keychain with our anniversary dates on them (our relationship one and future marriage one), an engraved bracelet, a collection of letters he wrote documenting his investigation of the "Kalei monster" upon first meeting me (the dorkiest most amazing thing), and a crafted card. 

What's most adorable is how excited he gets when a surprise project is in the works, and he's trying so so hard not to give it away, but eventually ends up blurts it out. He is my favorite person.


----------



## Chesire Tower

I've recently discovered something really interesting. We're really not actually attracted to any one else; let alone crush on them or fall in love with them. What happens in reality; is that we get to know someone and we project our subconscious idea of whatever is sexy, the height of passion or who we imagine our soulmate to me. They often have very little, if anything at all to do with any of it. The really insane thing is that after we've freed ourselves from the clouds of illusion that blind us, and see the other person, for who they really are - who they've actually always been; we get bitterly angry and hurt at them for somehow deceiving us. Of course, they never did any such thing - intentionally or otherwise. We just decided to force fit some emotional/romantic/ sexual ideal on them; which they never asked for - let alone wanted. When they force us to see them for who they really are; we feel betrayed and cheated but the other person never did anything bad to us at all; it was we, who did it to ourselves; by forcing them to wear an extremely chafing and ill-fitting straitjacket.

Now, I'm not at all saying we shouldn't have any standards for how others should treat us - far from it. Each and every single person has the right to expect and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. However, it can also arguable be considered to be a sign of disrespect to be unwilling to engage the other person's reality or to be intolerant of their true nature. People will always be who they are - infuriating or wonderful (or more likely some combination thereof) but unless/until you can accept another person for who they really are; you're pretty much just wasting your time.


----------



## RansomthePasserby

@Chesire Tower

The best part is, your discovery will vastly improve your love life. Trust me.


----------



## Chesire Tower

RansomthePasserby said:


> @*Chesire Tower*
> 
> The best part is, your discovery will vastly improve your love life. Trust me.


I'd trust anyone, who has an avatar of Leo DiCaprio holding a wine glass. :bwink:


----------



## catharsiis

I see so many young couples these days going on each others accounts, blocking other girls/guys and each others exes, getting mad at their partner for liking someone else's pictures.... like whaaat? it's really not that big of a deal?? if you can't trust your partner talking to someone of the opposite gender, let alone even have a minor interaction with them on social media, then why are you in a relationship? I can't grasp it.


----------



## knife

catharsiis said:


> I see so many young couples these days going on each others accounts


Well there's your problem lol. I'd see somebody else dickying around with my social media accounts as a gross invasion of my privacy.


----------



## Veggie

I've now turned someone down a couple times because I'd rather hold out for you, just so you knooow. lol. Does that still make this casual? Not really sure...

But when you texted afterwards I got that thrill that I think should accompany this stuff whichever way, and I was happy with my decision.


----------



## Scarlet_Heart

Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't love you, right? Even if you've made a commitment to them, love their family, and have created amazing little additional commitments with them and you have no job or resources, right? 

I feel like I'm pulled in several different directions and it's been this way for a very long time and I would just like to see the path forward.


----------



## baitedcrow

I never expected this to work for long because it didn't seem built to, but I wanted it to reach a positive and concrete culmination that I could walk away from feeling wonderful because as silly as it was it meant something really powerful to me. But after all this planning and investment on both our ends, nothing. When you tell me what got in the way I want to believe you, but I suspect even the friendship I had hoped would come after will be ruined because there's no way for me to trust you without feeling foolish for doing so. Your explanations just seem too improbable to me. I tell myself that you didn't have to take so much time explaining since you know you're unlikely to see me again for reasons beyond my control, and maybe that means you do care and aren't lying, but I am too aware that I could be making excuses to take my hopes seriously.

Anyway, I think I'll always be a little sorry that things happened this way.


----------



## Chesire Tower




----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I'm trying this thing where I only date for fun/don't let things get too serious. That might be pretty stupid. But I have emotional/intimacy issues, and I'm very good at the silly/interesting date night/sexy time thing, which I enjoy way too much to just not have at all. For example, the other night I hung out with a guy friend I have a bit of a crush on now; we got food, went to the bar, went dancing, and talked for a bit. That was great. But I know from past experiences that if it ever got to a point where I have to actually let a person I do that kinda stuff with in -- a situation in which I have to be vulnerable to them, and can potentially be legitimately hurt by them -- the crazy would come out, because that kind of stuff just messes me up. 

One day I'd like to have that. Maybe once I get therapy, it'll be possible. I recognize there are benefits to long-term, such as actually knowing one another and caring for who that person truly is. But something about me right now just can't get there with anyone, and I'd rather just spare myself at the moment.


----------



## Witch of Oreo

I'm starting to feel more and more inadequate for not wanting relationship. Why can't I care?


----------



## Queen of Cups

Chesire Tower said:


> LOL, that won't be necessary but it's comforting to know that I have someone like you in my corner, anyhow. <3


----------



## Veggie

Went out with the twenty something dude again last night and apparently he got treated to the drunk irrationally paranoid Veggie show, 2.0. Been a while since I did the barhopping-club scene, and it beat me. He said at one point I was yelling "I don't trust you" and that I kept trying to sneak off and run away, but I kept dropping my phone and vaporizer. He tried to call me an Uber but I wouldn't give him my address.

I was still drunk when I woke up so I was mostly laughing listening to him, but very apologetically. lol. He was nice about it. And his cat seemed to think I was a good soul. Woke up with him curled up next to my head, and he followed me around all morning. Dude sent me a pic later and said that he wouldn't leave the pillow I'd been sleeping on. 

I still fail to see the problem with a fate as a cat lady. A love affair with a cat is a beautiful thing.


----------



## HellCat

Fucking Hell Veggie, that was so hilarious I cannot even put my post up. 

You should be writing comedy.


----------



## dulcinea

I get crazy romantic in the fall. I'm absolutely ecstatic that we're getting autumn weather, where I am. It doesn't usually happen in this area. I really fall in love very easily in the fall/winter period. I have to watch out.


----------



## Veggie

HellCat said:


> Fucking Hell Veggie, that was so hilarious I cannot even put my post up.
> 
> You should be writing comedy.


Haha, well thanks! I try to find the amusement in nights like that. lol.


----------



## HellCat

Last week when we were working together, He was drunk and called me "glove" Three times.

When we first met he drunkenly explained how he would only go out with someone if they felt like hand in glove, fit, a soul mate. His term for it albeit strange.

I am not bringing it up. We are quite candid with one another but this is something that should be said to me sober. 

I am slowly winning over every family member. Except that hard leathery sister who says bitchy things about me being a bimbo, gold digger, look like a little girl, dress like a whore because I love strappy tops and am an hourglass. 

I think I might have tripped a switch in him when I told him, " Thanksgiving, she was at my house and made a joke about me being her type and I was with the wrong sibling after I fed her some of my maple bacon whipped sweet potato casserole." His response. "That doesn't sound like much of a joke. "

I am not going ANYWHERE, you women can hate me all you like, He is worth the hate, the venom and the gossip.. every inch of him, every minute together.


----------



## low

i am still very intensely in love and obsessed with my ex. we broke up almost 3 years ago and i've had 3 girlfriends since, all of whom have loved me a great deal (probably more than my ex) but every interaction, romantic or otherwise, pales in comparison to how she made me feel. i am truly terrified that i will never again feel as deeply for anybody else.


----------



## Queen of Cups

Out shopping this morning and the cashier lady thought we were newlyweds. 

:blushed:


----------



## Asd456

In the middle of conversation, the INFP said to me "if you want me, if you need me, I'm yours" with a dreamy look for a moment (swoon :smug. This was from a song I added to my playlist over weeks ago, wasn't even aware he was listening.


----------



## Veggie

I've been kind of really wanting to text this guy, because I think the ball is maybe in my court based on some stuff (or should he just be pursuing harder? if a dude isn't breaking down my door I don't know what to think lol), but I'm getting cold feet about it. Like what if it did turn into something? I'm at the age where it could be serious. Likely - that's not even on the table. haha. And really he's just not that into me. But. Thinking it could be is making weird things happen to me.

I tried really hard to line up a date for tonight, to, like, help in feeling like I've played all my cards first... jusssst in case. LOL. I even paid two bucks to boost my Cupid profile, and finally signed up for Tinder and spent about an hour swiping (I think I only liked about two ppl though). (The FB aspect was holding me back, but you can do it with your Google account/number now, and I checked my linked apps on FB and it's not there). Asked the ESTP (he declared type in his profile, not a guess) I've been texting with what you up to too... but he's in Texas apparently on a business trip, if he tells truths. (Still kinda curious there also, I won't lie. Established we're both into cosplay and he sent me this Deadpool pic that made me think... hmmm).

Twenty something dude is over. The tact gene that I already lack is absolutely absent when I drink. He told me some more of what I said to him and it was a little ouch. Then he got me back and said it was necessary for even ground but do you wanna go out again and I was like yea, we should probably just let this go. lol. If the do you want to go out again was even a genuine offer and he didn't just want to hit me back and assume an innocent facade while doing so. First dude I've gone out with in years I got that drunk around. I still definitely have some issues it would seem.

My black magic horoscope has been telling me that my serial dating is coming to an end. How specific is that??


----------



## Chesire Tower




----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I went on my first date in a year not too long ago. I knew him from college; he has the same course of study as I do. We chatted some in the summer, but it never went anywhere. But we remembered each other recently and decided to go out! 

He said he was ENFJ, but he speaks so literally, so I doubt him. I think he was more like ESTJ or something! I don't know for sure because he could say things so tenderly that it made me melt. Whatever type he was, we just had trouble communicating with each other. Our personalities didn't click, and I had to tell him when I had told a joke.

My confession, though, is that we physically clicked soooo well... He's only a couple of inches taller than me, so when we kissed, everything lined up so perfectly. We were so turned on, and he sweetly moaned, and I would look into his eyes and see joy and love. I so wish we clicked enough to go on another date. I would make us work just for that because I dated a guy for a year and a half, but that was the best kissing I've ever had. Oh. My. Gosh. I'd go on a second date in a heartbeat.


----------



## TallGreen

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> I went on my first date in a year not too long ago. I knew him from college; he has the same course of study as I do. We chatted some in the summer, but it never went anywhere. But we remembered each other recently and decided to go out!
> 
> He said he was ENFJ, but he speaks so literally, so I doubt him. I think he was more like ESTJ or something! I don't know for sure because he could say things so tenderly that it made me melt. Whatever type he was, we just had trouble communicating with each other. Our personalities didn't click, and I had to tell him when I had told a joke.
> 
> My confession, though, is that we physically clicked soooo well... He's only a couple of inches taller than me, so when we kissed, everything lined up so perfectly. We were so turned on, and he sweetly moaned, and I would look into his eyes and see joy and love. I so wish we clicked enough to go on another date. I would make us work just for that because I dated a guy for a year and a half, but that was the best kissing I've ever had. Oh. My. Gosh. I'd go on a second date in a heartbeat.


Well maybe you can work on the communication, he just needs to get used to your jokes?


----------



## goldthysanura

the person I've been involved with in a sense for several months, I told him I was feeling sad and he asked if he could give me a hug. I was sitting on the lawn in front of the public library and he drove up and we sat and talked for a while. He was about to drive down to see his family, and he asked me if I wanted to come with him. Maybe I should have said yes, but I didn't, because I was nervous and not expecting the offer, plus I have something to do tomorrow morning and didn't want to get back in town too late. he drove me to my house anyway. I know we're not in a relationship but I love him. I know that we care about each other.


----------



## BeBeJK

I deep down feel I am too flawed to be romantically loved... that once someone gets to know all of me they will leave me. I tend to attract people who self fulfill that cycle. I am working on being better about it and loving myself more. This fucked up mentality makes it hard for people to get past my walls but once I let them in and risk letting the walls down, I am ridiculous on trying to work out the relationship past point of expiration ... because you know if they leave then it reinforces I wasn't worth love after all.


----------



## Mystic MagentaRose

Things are going great with my boyfriend and I'm really happy about it. We both connect so deeply to each other and I love communicating with him and how he's caring and protective of me when I'm scared or upset. He hugs me very close to him and kisses me. He's the best kisser in my book out of all the other guys I dated. There's something about him that always makes me so shy when I'm in the same room with him and there's this tension energy that brings us together. He'll turn around in his chair as were watching anime and smile at me. My heart honestly starts beating so fast that I feel like a teenage girl having her first time crush or boyfriend, lol!! When he gets grumpy or something I always try to cheer him up. For a few moments he gets kinda pissy or something. Than towards the end of it, he'll hug me and say "ugh..... I'm sorry." XD It kinda makes me laugh inside because he looks like a sad puppy dog when they do something bad and he's looking at me knowing that he was just grumpy. I love the chemistry that we both share together and I honestly never met anyone else like him. It makes me realize that love is great when you meet that person that just understands you. Even when you're pissy or grumpy, they still love you and make you smile.


----------



## Chesire Tower




----------



## bleghc

since the start of the year, i've found myself getting a lot closer to a former crush -- much more so than in the past, when i had deliberately attempted to be around him as much as i was able to. not to the point where it was obsessive, i'd like to think, but i definitely made an effort. around a month into summer break was when i finally got over him - after almost a year or so of crushing -- and, because of that realization, i found myself preparing for the fade-out of our friendship. i felt as if our friendship only existed *1)* because of uncontrollable circumstances (i.e. being in the same advisory, classes, etc.) and *2)* because i bothered talking to him at all. i thought enough would change for things to be different but i guess i overestimated it because on the contrary, we're starting to talk even more and more nowadays. i don't know what happened but i feel as if he's become more (platonically) gravitated towards me than he had been before... and i'm not even trying now. i assumed it might've been because he knew i got over him, thus felt more comfortable being around me but turns out i was wrong. apparently, he didn't think that at all and throughout the whole period of getting to know each-other better, he thought i _still_ liked him. he brought it up to a friend a few days ago who, in turn, confirmed that it was in the past. thank god, lol. but yeah, i don't know. not really a romantic confession because there's nothing romantic about it - at least, not anymore but


----------



## atamagasuita

I love you. Would you love me too


----------



## dulcinea

I don't know what is that makes people love me, or be drawn to me. People, when they love me, they keep a part of it in their heart for years. I don't understand why they do that. I mean, I know I'm a somewhat nice person, but I'm also a mess.


----------



## Zeus

I miss my bunnies, Hugh’s not happy. @Witch of Oreo @ENIGMA15 @Grey Wolf
also witch I saw your mention the other day but lost the thread.


----------



## goldthysanura

I have such a crush on my roommate and it's idiotic because he's straight. He's just like...I dunno, when I first met him I thought he took things too seriously, but now that I know him better I can tell that he just hides his insecurities around people by acting stoic. at heart he's not that serious. He just wants to play music with his friends, and he wrote an adorable song about our house. And he's really hot. And kind. Whenever I hang out with him I get all flustered, like when he asked me about my love life the other day. I should go find someone who's actually gay to have a crush on but I don't know any who are crushable  maybe I should get an okcupid again lol


----------



## atamagasuita

Panda Eyes said:


> Your posts are a fucking mess and I love it. What race is he?


Secret heheeh ;p


----------



## tinyheart

Not so much a romantic confession so much as a sexual one...


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

I know I just can't ever fall in love with anybody else ever again.


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

*Can't edit post!* 
Everything I love about this person and all the qualities will never be found in another. _Ever._ The combination of qualities is just too unique, and the only closest example I can think of is.... Well... Jesus Christ I suppose. Not meaning to be blasphemous here either...


----------



## Catwalk

[[Confession retracted]] - simply needed _a breath_.


----------



## 6007

being in love makes me mushy.


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

cursive said:


> being in love makes me mushy.


You have dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin, and lowered level of serotonin to thank. I like my relationship a lot better now that I don't feel that "mushiness" anymore. Love becomes a lot more rational and stable, and you love the other person despite seeing all of their flaws, quirks, and craziness.


----------



## 6007

AngelWithAShotgun said:


> You have dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin, and lowered level of serotonin to thank. I like my relationship a lot better now that I don't feel that "mushiness" anymore. Love becomes a lot more rational and stable, and you love the other person despite seeing all of their flaws, quirks, and craziness.


I’ve had this feeling at this intensity for my partner since 2015. It might never wear off.
Plus his quirks, craziness, feistiness and moods are part of what I love.


----------



## crazydreams

I regret breaking up with my ex...


----------



## Veggie

I hate the "people most value what they have to earn" advice as applied to relationships. Maybe I just have a really sh*tty work ethic, lol, but I tend to value these sorts of things less (I may even find myself resenting them). The worth is in the accomplishment, not the actual obtaining. So stick a "check!" by it on the to do list and then scrapped and on to the next. (Experienced this when I was climbing the corporate ladder and finally got the job title I'd been after. Gave it a few months, then switched fields). 

I personally most value what seems synchronistic or serendipitous because my associations are likely to be more moment based. I'm actually appreciating that thing rather than the illusion of it on a stick in front of me. This dating advice is so common though, and it's frustrating. Who wants to put a check mark next to a person. And I've found myself doing this in ways, playing the game. I do admittedly get a high from accomplishment generally though, but I don't see how that applies to actually entering and valuing a real relationship. Seems like it's just building an addiction to a never ending game. Conundrums.


----------



## SysterMatic

I remember that time I feel asleep while we were talking on our phones. I never thought I could've trusted someone that much not to care about the passing of time or my needs. I felt safe and happy. We were 'still trying to understand each other. If I look back at that momenti I think I would like to go back again and again just to find out someone like her exist.


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

Love makes me feel weird. Like, one moment I'd be completely head over heels, the next wondering what I'm doing with this guy. One moment I'm completely stressed out because of my tasks, the next worry-free because he held my hand in his and said it'll be alright. I'm not used to feeling so much emotions and feelings -_-

It ended for a while, the honeymoon phase I meant. But then... I fell in love with him again, and I was like "how did you get back here, feelings? I felt so nice without you! Go away now."


----------



## 6007

My partner tends to sound extremely hostile when he is explaining his point of view on things, and at first I used to find that really annoying but for some reason now I find it extremely endearing. for me there’s something so stress relieving about having someone I am so deeply connected to, our relationship happens on so many levels and in so many levels we can trigger and instigate growth for each other. It has not always been a smooth ride. but something about it is deeply satisfying, and reassuring. To know someone is willing to enter in a space of high connection with me makes me feel super mushy even when he wants to stab me in the face with a fork. And I know he feels the same way. It’s extremely beautiful. Both had a horrible week and last night we had a very long talk and it wasn’t about anything regarding our relationship it was just about his ideas and opinions about life and us and work and everything else and it just made me feel extremely connected to him. I am so happy that I have a partner who does not walk on egg shells with me and who is challenging and loving in a way that I can grab onto with both hands.

I seem to really value intensity of this sort in intimate connections. Being truly seen is amazing, And I really never expected anyone to take the time out of their day and step into that space with me. it is so cool.


----------



## clementinekruczynski

I love him.

I want him to know. He doesn't even have to say it back, but I get the feeling that he's falling for me, too. 

I want to tell him face to face. But it seems as though time is going so slowly until I see him again.


----------



## crazitaco

I don't understand relationships.
They are work, and they are draining, atleast they are to me. Even when I was with someone whose company I enjoyed, I still couldn't help but wish I wasn't in a relationship. I just want to be free and holding no obligations to spend time with another person. I wish I lived in a world where friendship was just as valued as romance.


----------



## Queen of Cups

Those moments in the morning where we lay in bed just holding each other before we have to get up are the best part of my day.


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

FestiveTamale said:


> I don't understand relationships.
> They are work, and they are draining, atleast they are to me. Even when I was with someone whose company I enjoyed, I still couldn't help but wish I wasn't in a relationship. I just want to be free and holding no obligations to spend time with another person. I wish I lived in a world where friendship was just as valued as romance.


Sounds like a problem with space, not the relationship itself. You just have to find the right amount of space and time for your SO. Relationships are work; tons of work for any type of relationship, really. Tons of efforts. But if your romantic relationship is draining, it's not the right one. Just like friendship, it should be enjoyable, reliable, and supportive. You're not obligated to do anything, but you want to because you love the other person and want to make them feel appreciated. 

Friendship is valued. Actually, I don't believe anyone can have a successful relationship without friendship as the foundation. My bf and I worked together as teammates, became conversation partners, and I stood by his side when his grandpa passed away and he was pushing everyone away (including me) as a coping method. When he recovered from the trauma, our friendship was strengthened. That was what made me decide a romantic relationship with him would have potential. Just take your time. Sometimes the best things come unexpectedly


----------



## 6007

my boyfriend is reading a book right now. 
an actual paperback. 

I have never had a boyfriend who reads before (I am a bookworm) and
I simultaneously want to melt and jump all over him. 

bah this crush will last forever. he keeps making me fall in love


----------



## goldthysanura

I wish I'd walked him home.


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

Almost a month apart from each other, and yet our closeness stays the same. When I look into your eyes after all this time I've been waiting, I fall in love with you all over again. You're the best, my darling :heart:


----------



## rxn

When I met him, I suddenly started to want children because imagining him as a father makes me all dreamy...


----------



## JamesCollector

The day I found out she was faking most of her affection was the worst I've ever felt in my life, despite having always believed it's irrational to get emotionally invested in anybody.


----------



## pwowq

JamesCollector said:


> The day I found out she was faking most of her affection was the worst I've ever felt in my life, despite having always believed it's irrational to get emotionally invested in anybody.


That's cold...


----------



## JamesCollector

pwowq said:


> That's cold...


Yes, but in a way it also makes me like her more because I admire how she was able to do it. She's been able to act so that other people trust her; I should've figured she'd be able to do the same to me. I don't know how to manipulate other people's emotions. I don't know how pretend or lie. We're the perfect match in that we're both terrible people, but in different ways. We complement each other.

Also, I know at least _some_ of her affection was genuine.


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

Alright, Honeymooon phase is over. According to him, my “texts, body language and speech” are less happy and energetic. All the struggles we were so optimistic that we’ll be able to solve suddenly don’t seem as “easy to solve” anymore. But one thing I know for sure remains: we still love each other and don’t want to give it up.


----------



## Rventurelli

Well, it is kind of _embarrassing_, but the biggest love I _ever_ had and that _still_ brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of it was a girl I saw three times only and had only two dates. She seemed like a materialization of _everything_ I always dreamed of: her looks, way of dressing, voice, way of talking, intellect, ideology, interests... It was all so perfect and seemed like it was going in the best way possible.

Then... I lost my job and gave her a very well thought and original gift on that date I told her that I got fired from my job. She never, _ever_ responded to me again and_ simply disappeared_. Irony is that three months later I got a job that paid me twice as much as the one I was fired from.

Although my heart has bled a little bit _too much_ and it feels like I will never be able to love again (it has been over a year since she disappeared!), there are _no resentments_ on my side because, let us be honest, a beautiful blue eyed blonde that speaks three languages, doing great in her master's degree but wanting to be a housewife can pick and choose any men she wants easily, so why should she settle down for a man who was a loser_ at the time_? (me when I was jobless)


----------



## Angelo

My first kiss was... 
* *




not embarrassing at all.


----------



## The Poet

Rventurelli said:


> Well, it is kind of _embarrassing_, but the biggest love I _ever_ had and that _still_ brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of it was a girl I saw three times only and had only two dates. She seemed like a materialization of _everything_ I always dreamed of: her looks, way of dressing, voice, way of talking, intellect, ideology, interests... It was all so perfect and seemed like it was going in the best way possible.
> 
> Then... I lost my job and gave her a very well thought and original gift on that date I told her that I got fired from my job. She never, _ever_ responded to me again and_ simply disappeared_. Irony is that three months later I got a job that paid me twice as much as the one I was fired from.
> 
> Although my heart has bled a little bit _too much_ and it feels like I will never be able to love again (it has been over a year since she disappeared!), there are _no resentments_ on my side because, let us be honest, a beautiful blue eyed blonde that speaks three languages, doing great in her master's degree but wanting to be a housewife can pick and choose any men she wants easily, so why should she settle down for a man who was a loser_ at the time_? (me when I was jobless)


I'm so sorry to hear that bro......


----------



## The Poet

I've majorly loved about 10 girls, but most of them were lust or infatuation. There was a fesity little girl born on the exact same day I was who I went to Sunday school with from when I was 5 to when I was 8. She broke my heart so hard, and so did her father (her father doesn't let her even say hi to boys, he's a strict Islamic imam, and after puberty.....although I can't blame her father, those are his beliefs, it's the girl I should be mad at) that I have never truly recovered. I am still traumatized. Especially because after I moved away from her city, my parents divorced, and I lived in a crappy racist ******* town and then moved again. 
There was a girl who I met when I moved to the city I live in now, but it was mostly lust, namely when I started puberty which is almost right after I moved (when I was 10). I have fond memories of trying to bypass the gender segregation and playing with her when there was no gender segregation because of us being kids. I was traumatized when we grew apart and she moved. She once asked me out upon a dare, and I told everyone in sunday school (the boys' one) so she got mad, but we made up. After she moved, I saw her at her sister's hospital where she was staying due to illness, and I asked her out, and she looked annoyed and walked away, and told her mom, and my mom got mad and drove me and my brother home. After that incident, I fantasized about raping her hundreds of times. But eventually it returned to me fantasizing about making love to her. I have no clue in hell why I forgave her. But hey, at least I'm not fantasizing about rape. 
In the 7th grade, there was a girl in the 6th grade who I liked most of the year. This was the height of my libido. I liked many girls at this time. I still get chills thinking about her, and she is extremely attractive. (Lust)
Then there was a 5th grader when I was in the 8th grade, (this was severe infatuation) which got me into a lot of trouble, especially because her mom was my mom's friend, and her brother was my friend (turned enemy, among other reasons). Then there was my cousin, on my dad's side (I was a fundamentalist Muslim, and believed that cousins could marry, based on the Qur'anic verses that describe all the relatives that are considered incest to marry, and then says all others are allowed, and doesn't include cousins, and Muhammad (PBUH) married his cousin, but cherry picked and believed males and females who were cousins could freely interact). She rejected me by not answering my calls for a year or two, after I revealed I had a crush on her, and when I finally heard from her (she lives in Turkey), she didn't even remember, and my aunt and dad forbade my from marrying her. She was the girl I probably loved most. Then there was a girl who was 5 years younger than me (I'm 18, almost 19, I really shouldn't have, self explanatory, reasons for failure are obvious. I even asked her out, she said no quite calmly. I am amazed at her calmness at such creepiness. I feel like a monster. this was mostly infatuation.). Then there was a girl 4 years younger than me, who I creeped out after being friends with for a while, by following her around the community center. I am angry with her as of now, but really I should be mad at myself. I really shouldn't have had a crush on her, she was too young. 

Then there were a series of minor crushes.

There was another imam's daughter (3 years younger) whose dad threatened to call the cops just because in the 8th grade I called his wife and asked to speak to her daughter at the height of my autistic lonliness, and who, I was forbidden from saying hi to, when I kept talking about awkwardly, landed me in hot water with her dad, and led me to such anger as I actually was stuttering and trying to save an awkward conversation so that I blabbled like an idiot, and so I insulted his daughter, to him over social media. I apologized he didn't forgive me. This was at the height of my anxiety disorder (I also have autism), so he caused me to have many panic attacks out of fear. He eventually forgave me. But she would always run away from me and gossip about me, so I sent a photo of her chinese boyfriend to her dad and told her about it, and she sent me a message which when i saw it was deleted, so i deleted my account out of guilt and shame, and so the dad wouldn't see it. No one likes a snitch.

There was a girl two years older than me who thought of me as a little brother.

There was another girl two years older than me who thought of me as a little brother, who, to make things worse, goes to my community college. (infatuation)

There was a girl who shouted "ew, no!" back when I was in the 7th grade and she was in the 6th grade and i asked her out. her other apparently had a talk with her about manners. (partly lust)

there was a girl who i always stared at and never had the courage to ask out whose locker was next to my class in the 7th grade, but she was in the 6th grade, but now she's like a ghost on social media, on some pages, she has zero followers. she was the cutest thing ever!!!!!!!!!!i wish i had asked her out (partly lust, partly infatuation, partly love)
There was a lebanese girl who i severely lusted after who was voted cutest girl of the year in the yearbook, rightfully so (i should say hottest, the cutest was the locker girl)

there was my friend's sister (my friend who im still friends with)

there was a girl in my math class who was a high school student enrolled in part time college. 

(i ended up rejecting her for religious reasons).

but now i realize im better off without dating.....because what did all this love achieve me? nothing....
what did all this love achieve for western man and western woman in modern society? nothing...other than constant heartache....
im perfectly content following the Nurju way of gender segregation, uncompromising gender segregation, until I'm ready to court and get married and provide for a family. I believe in matchmaking and courtship, Islamic and Orthodox Jewish style, not dating.

EDIT: spoke too soon.....im still pining over a girl who rejected me a while back who was 4 years younger than me (a girl i haven't mentioned) who told me to never contact her again; on email because she said i was bothering her [online]


----------



## Glitch_

First person that I fell in love with was a bona fide sociopath. You can guess all that entailed for years after that point. I wonder what that says about me. I still wonder how he is doing sometimes.


----------



## Rventurelli

sinpin said:


> I'm so sorry to hear that bro......


Much obliged. That is _certainly_ one I will never forget.


----------



## Rventurelli

Glitch_ said:


> First person that I fell in love with was a bona fide sociopath. You can guess all that entailed for years after that point. I wonder what that says about me. I still wonder how he is doing sometimes.


It _probably_ tells you are a kind-heart, compassionate and forgiven person, as those are _prime targets_ for sociopaths.


----------



## The Poet

Rventurelli said:


> Much obliged. That is _certainly_ one I will never forget.


 if it makes you feel any better, let me share some experience. it's gonna get better bro, i promise....back when i wasn't trying so hard to be religious......i got my heart broken all the time........by girls who i loved SOOOOOOOO much....all it took was one wrong phrase......i was autistic.....and I later discovered I have severe anxiety and OCD. I've gotten by heart broken probably dozens of times, including by girls i didn't mention in my post. (I'll have to add them as i remember them). but you just gotta remember that there's plenty of fish in the sea, and there is truly someone for everyone (dont listen to Louis CK)


----------



## The Poet

sinpin said:


> I've majorly loved about 10 girls, but most of them were lust or infatuation. There was a fesity little girl born on the exact same day I was who I went to Sunday school with from when I was 5 to when I was 8. She broke my heart so hard, and so did her father (her father doesn't let her even say hi to boys, he's a strict Islamic imam, and after puberty.....although I can't blame her father, those are his beliefs, it's the girl I should be mad at) that I have never truly recovered. I am still traumatized. Especially because after I moved away from her city, my parents divorced, and I lived in a crappy racist ******* town and then moved again.
> There was a girl who I met when I moved to the city I live in now, but it was mostly lust, namely when I started puberty which is almost right after I moved (when I was 10). I have fond memories of trying to bypass the gender segregation and playing with her when there was no gender segregation because of us being kids. I was traumatized when we grew apart and she moved. She once asked me out upon a dare, and I told everyone in sunday school (the boys' one) so she got mad, but we made up. After she moved, I saw her at her sister's hospital where she was staying due to illness, and I asked her out, and she looked annoyed and walked away, and told her mom, and my mom got mad and drove me and my brother home. After that incident, I fantasized about raping her hundreds of times. But eventually it returned to me fantasizing about making love to her. I have no clue in hell why I forgave her. But hey, at least I'm not fantasizing about rape.
> In the 7th grade, there was a girl in the 6th grade who I liked most of the year. This was the height of my libido. I liked many girls at this time. I still get chills thinking about her, and she is extremely attractive. (Lust)
> Then there was a 5th grader when I was in the 8th grade, (this was severe infatuation) which got me into a lot of trouble, especially because her mom was my mom's friend, and her brother was my friend (turned enemy, among other reasons). Then there was my cousin, on my dad's side (I was a fundamentalist Muslim, and believed that cousins could marry, based on the Qur'anic verses that describe all the relatives that are considered incest to marry, and then says all others are allowed, and doesn't include cousins, and Muhammad (PBUH) married his cousin, but cherry picked and believed males and females who were cousins could freely interact). She rejected me by not answering my calls for a year or two, after I revealed I had a crush on her, and when I finally heard from her (she lives in Turkey), she didn't even remember, and my aunt and dad forbade my from marrying her. She was the girl I probably loved most. Then there was a girl who was 5 years younger than me (I'm 18, almost 19, I really shouldn't have, self explanatory, reasons for failure are obvious. I even asked her out, she said no quite calmly. I am amazed at her calmness at such creepiness. I feel like a monster. this was mostly infatuation.). Then there was a girl 4 years younger than me, who I creeped out after being friends with for a while, by following her around the community center. I am angry with her as of now, but really I should be mad at myself. I really shouldn't have had a crush on her, she was too young.
> 
> Then there were a series of minor crushes.
> 
> There was another imam's daughter (3 years younger) whose dad threatened to call the cops just because in the 8th grade I called his wife and asked to speak to her daughter at the height of my autistic lonliness, and who, I was forbidden from saying hi to, when I kept talking about awkwardly, landed me in hot water with her dad, and led me to such anger as I actually was stuttering and trying to save an awkward conversation so that I blabbled like an idiot, and so I insulted his daughter, to him over social media. I apologized he didn't forgive me. This was at the height of my anxiety disorder (I also have autism), so he caused me to have many panic attacks out of fear. He eventually forgave me. But she would always run away from me and gossip about me, so I sent a photo of her chinese boyfriend to her dad and told her about it, and she sent me a message which when i saw it was deleted, so i deleted my account out of guilt and shame, and so the dad wouldn't see it. No one likes a snitch.
> 
> There was a girl two years older than me who thought of me as a little brother.
> 
> There was another girl two years older than me who thought of me as a little brother, who, to make things worse, goes to my community college. (infatuation)
> 
> There was a girl who shouted "ew, no!" back when I was in the 7th grade and she was in the 6th grade and i asked her out. her other apparently had a talk with her about manners. (partly lust)
> 
> there was a girl who i always stared at and never had the courage to ask out whose locker was next to my class in the 7th grade, but she was in the 6th grade, but now she's like a ghost on social media, on some pages, she has zero followers. she was the cutest thing ever!!!!!!!!!!i wish i had asked her out (partly lust, partly infatuation, partly love)
> There was a lebanese girl who i severely lusted after who was voted cutest girl of the year in the yearbook, rightfully so (i should say hottest, the cutest was the locker girl)
> 
> there was my friend's sister (my friend who im still friends with)
> 
> there was a girl in my math class who was a high school student enrolled in part time college.
> 
> (i ended up rejecting her for religious reasons).
> 
> but now i realize im better off without dating.....because what did all this love achieve me? nothing....
> what did all this love achieve for western man and western woman in modern society? nothing...other than constant heartache....
> im perfectly content following the Nurju way of gender segregation, uncompromising gender segregation, until I'm ready to court and get married and provide for a family. I believe in matchmaking and courtship, Islamic and Orthodox Jewish style, not dating.
> 
> EDIT: spoke too soon.....im still pining over a girl who rejected me a while back who was 4 years younger than me (a girl i haven't mentioned) who told me to never contact her again; on email because she said i was bothering her [online]


 oh, and then there was an israeli girl i lusted after in the 5th grade. she rejected me so bad in the 8th grade when i went to school wit her again. because i was acting weird, so i turned to harassing her after she wouldn't accept my apologies. oh, and about that girl in the 6th grade i lusted after (mostly because i lusted after her feet, and because she was pretty, but mostly when i saw her feet) in the 6th grade, but i stole her schedule, and stalked her, so she told her friend to tell me a harsh rejection after i relayed a message to her through her friend about how much i liked her.


----------



## Rventurelli

sinpin said:


> if it makes you feel any better, let me share some experience. it's gonna get better bro, i promise....back when i wasn't trying so hard to be religious......i got my heart broken all the time........by girls who i loved SOOOOOOOO much....all it took was one wrong phrase......i was autistic.....and I later discovered I have severe anxiety and OCD. I've gotten by heart broken probably dozens of times, including by girls i didn't mention in my post. (I'll have to add them as i remember them). but you just gotta remember that there's plenty of fish in the sea, and there is truly someone for everyone (dont listen to Louis CK)


_Thanks_ for the encouragement. What does seen to be the case is that all worthy women seen to _already_ be in a relationship or married. The area I live has a _serious gap_ in the 21-24 and 25-29 age group. Those go closer to *bigger cities* for *college* and *job opportunities*.


----------



## Hiraeth

I love men. I think men are amazing! Women are pretty amazing creatures too, but not in the same way as men. And I could never fall in love with a woman, no matter how beautiful or how great her personality. Men have shoulders larger than their hips, and sexy butts, and penises that get hard when they want you. And they have body hair. And they walk, move and sit like men. And they have men interests. They are funny. They are stubborn. They are protective and caring too. They go to war, and they fuck you. :heart:

I was watching this, and suddenly felt like posting about how amazing men are. Also I miss my boyfriend. )


----------



## The Poet

.


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

I resisted saying this out loud and admitting it for the longest time ever, but here it is: I am passionately in love with you


----------



## Queen of Cups

Rventurelli said:


> Me too. Those are _truly irreplaceable_.
> 
> The thing about words for me is not really that they can be faked, it is that I do not know... They kind of _spoil the moment_, they add an element which is not needed. It is difficult for me to explain, however, even at work, obvious work-related stuff when is spoken just annoys me. Example, you do not need to tell me to do the same thing I do every day, just let it roll and I will do it by myself.
> 
> Back to relationships and love moments, I think my_ favourite moments_ were with a girlfriend I had before my ex-wife, when after sex we just stood there in bed looking at one another, holding hands, in silence. No words needed to be spoken _nor_ should be spoken. It means a lot in _any type_ of relationship to be able to remain quiet together instead of having this need to feel all the gaps with conversations because otherwise you feel awkward with the silence.


I said in an earlier post that the time we spend in bed in the morning just holding each other, no words and even no sex at times are the best part of my day.


----------



## Rventurelli

Hellena Handbasket said:


> I said in an earlier post that the time we spend in bed in the morning just holding each other, no words and even no sex at times are the best part of my day.


I feel "envious". That, _above anything else_ is what I miss. A _terrible divorce_, general bad luck, being cheated and back-stabbed by people I considered friends have made it kind of impossible for me to trust someone again, therefore made it _kind of impossible_ for me to ever have those moments again.

I am _always expecting_ people to throw me under the bus or back-stab me. It is weird, because inside I have this really soft and caring heart but outwardly I have usually a death glare (other than work where I pretend to be more social), am overly honest to the point it cuts like a knife and make no effort to try to sugarcoat my personality. Also often times do not talk about my emotions, goals or anything because what is the point? That person is going to depart or to betray my trust like _everyone else_ always did.


----------



## Queen of Cups

Rventurelli said:


> I feel "envious". That, _above anything else_ is what I miss. A _terrible divorce_, general bad luck, being cheated and back-stabbed by people I considered friends have made it kind of impossible for me to trust someone again, therefore made it _kind of impossible_ for me to ever have those moments again.
> 
> I am _always expecting_ people to throw me under the bus or back-stab me. It is weird, because inside I have this really soft and caring heart but outwardly I have usually a death glare (other than work where I pretend to be more social), am overly honest to the point it cuts like a knife and make no effort to try to sugarcoat my personality. Also often times do not talk about my emotions, goals or anything because what is the point? That person is going to depart or to betray my trust like _everyone else_ always did.


I'm so sorry that happened to you. 
My best friend is an intj and hes very similar. Death glare prickly cactus outside, honest to the point of being extremely blunt, won't sugarcoat. But he is very caring and loving and sweet and a bit goofy with those hes truly comfortable around. 
He lost his fiance about 8 years ago and has pretty much sworn off trying to find love again.
He says she was his ideal and he doesn't see how anyone can measure up, so he doesn't even try.


----------



## Rventurelli

Hellena Handbasket said:


> I'm so sorry that happened to you.
> My best friend is an intj and hes very similar. Death glare prickly cactus outside, honest to the point of being extremely blunt, won't sugarcoat. But he is very caring and loving and sweet and a bit goofy with those hes truly comfortable around.
> He lost his fiance about 8 years ago and has pretty much sworn off trying to find love again.
> He says she was his ideal and he doesn't see how anyone can measure up, so he doesn't even try.


Lost her as in she dyed or just walk away? The _death glare_ is a _common characteristic_ of *INTJs*, part of the reason people often _assume_ we are stone-cold inside as well.

_I can_ also be a goofball _at times_, in a strange fashion. For example, with _friends_ or _acquaintances_ I am making puns and dark jokes frequently that are witty and make them laugh, however, keep my posture and guard up all times. _At work_, where I do not really expect to have any of those people really enter my life, I act in a fashion it _falsely leads them_ to believe that I am an extrovert and happy person (my normal state is being _content_, not happy or sad). I do things like head bang to music, do that metal sign, air guitar, say overly silly things on purpose. Also am friendly, hug people and stuff like that. Outside work I never act like that. Not even sure why I do it. Used to do _similar things_ in middle school and stopped at high school.

At middle school I was kind of the classroom clown. High school I was that person you do not mess with; people tried to bully me I would just punch them right at the face and they would never try it again. Would also step in if they were being aggressive with someone else.

_I did have_ a very short relationship with this woman after my marriage which she was everything I always dreamed off, difference being that she was real. When I_ got laid off_ we had a last date, she acted colder than usual after I told her that and disappeared without any trace afterwards. I do not feel _at all_ betrayed by her because we were not dating for long and at that point I was a loser since I was jobless.

What hurts me more is that I am _not sure_ what prompted her to leave. If it was really losing my job or being overly romantic that date. I was _so much in love_ and _she mentioned_ she liked romanticism. So I bought a blank jigsaw puzzle, I wrote this poem that each line started with a letter of her name so at the end it would reveal her full name. Put a lot of thought and effort to make it pretty and deep. Put it in a beautiful tiny box with a big bow on top of it and literally took it out of my fedora hat and gave it to her. She open it up, solved the puzzle without saying a word and only ushered a "thanks". (It was after I told her I was laid off so she was being colder than usual). Did that _scare her_? Was being _laid-off_? _Both_?

That time my heart bled a bit too much, it got black, bitter. I vowed to never say "I love you" again, be romantic or even really make an effort to find someone. Every time someone says they are from _North Carolina_ as she was it is just as if someone is squeezing my heart as I never had anyone else even being able to compare to her -- absolutely perfect in intellect, physical beauty and personality, _for my taste_, of course.


----------



## Queen of Cups

Rventurelli said:


> Lost her as in she dyed or just walk away? The _death glare_ is a _common characteristic_ of *INTJs*, part of the reason people often _assume_ we are stone-cold inside as well.
> 
> _I can_ also be a goofball _at times_, in a strange fashion. For example, with _friends_ or _acquaintances_ I am making puns and dark jokes frequently that are witty and make them laugh, however, keep my posture and guard up all times. _At work_, where I do not really expect to have any of those people really enter my life, I act in a fashion it _falsely leads them_ to believe that I am an extrovert and happy person (my normal state is being _content_, not happy or sad). I do things like head bang to music, do that metal sign, air guitar, say overly silly things on purpose. Also am friendly, hug people and stuff like that. Outside work I never act like that. Not even sure why I do it. Used to do _similar things_ in middle school and stopped at high school.
> 
> At middle school I was kind of the classroom clown. High school I was that person you do not mess with; people tried to bully me I would just punch them right at the face and they would never try it again. Would also step in if they were being aggressive with someone else.
> 
> _I did have_ a very short relationship with this woman after my marriage which she was everything I always dreamed off, difference being that she was real. When I_ got laid off_ we had a last date, she acted colder than usual after I told her that and disappeared without any trace afterwards. I do not feel _at all_ betrayed by her because we were not dating for long and at that point I was a loser since I was jobless.
> 
> What hurts me more is that I am _not sure_ what prompted her to leave. If it was really losing my job or being overly romantic that date. I was _so much in love_ and _she mentioned_ she liked romanticism. So I bought a blank jigsaw puzzle, I wrote this poem that each line started with a letter of her name so at the end it would reveal her full name. Put a lot of thought and effort to make it pretty and deep. Put it in a beautiful tiny box with a big bow on top of it and literally took it out of my fedora hat and gave it to her. She open it up, solved the puzzle without saying a word and only ushered a "thanks". (It was after I told her I was laid off so she was being colder than usual). Did that _scare her_? Was being _laid-off_? _Both_?
> 
> That time my heart bled a bit too much, it got black, bitter. I vowed to never say "I love you" again, be romantic or even really make an effort to find someone. Every time someone says they are from _North Carolina_ as she was it is just as if someone is squeezing my heart as I never had anyone else even being able to compare to her -- absolutely perfect in intellect, physical beauty and personality, _for my taste_, of course.



She died. Ovarian cancer. It was quick and it hit him hard. 

We prank each other. Will often answer each other in song lyrics, or our own language we invented when we were kids. Our moms were best friends and they pretty much raised us like siblings. He's only two months older than I am and there's a picture of us together in my hospital bassinet on the day I was born. So we argue like brother and sister. He's also always been really protective of me. Would threaten anybody who looked at me wrong and since I was very quiet and sensitive I was a pretty easy target, but he has always been tall and with the death glare was very intimidating. He introduced me to my husband and I knew if he liked the guy then he must be worth talking to, but I was already attracted to him anyway. He just didn't give me his usual, "You shouldn't waist your time with that jackass."
I hate when people ghost like that. I know INFJs are notorious for door slamming people, but I will always give someone a reason even if it's a sugarcoated one.


----------



## Rhothan

I fall in love with an ideal, projected into someone, but never with the person itself for who she is. Now that I think about it, that's quiet the opposite of romantic...


----------



## Rventurelli

Hellena Handbasket said:


> She died. Ovarian cancer. It was quick and it hit him hard.
> 
> We prank each other. Will often answer each other in song lyrics, or our own language we invented when we were kids. Our moms were best friends and they pretty much raised us like siblings. He's only two months older than I am and there's a picture of us together in my hospital bassinet on the day I was born. So we argue like brother and sister. He's also always been really protective of me. Would threaten anybody who looked at me wrong and since I was very quiet and sensitive I was a pretty easy target, but he has always been tall and with the death glare was very intimidating. He introduced me to my husband and I knew if he liked the guy then he must be worth talking to, but I was already attracted to him anyway. He just didn't give me his usual, "You shouldn't waist your time with that jackass."
> I hate when people ghost like that. I know INFJs are notorious for door slamming people, but I will always give someone a reason even if it's a sugarcoated one.


Since she died it must have been _even harder_ to him.

I do this kind of stuff too, like respond people with song lyrics or some quote from a movie, game or other. I am also being sarcastic _most of the time_. The important distinction is that_ at work_ I play more of a silly and welcoming _persona _because our work is so dehumanizing otherwise, so I think people deserve to have a little fun and warmth to help the time pass quicker; outside of work I have the _death glare_, am more impersonal and keep my guard up all the time as it is extremely hard for me to trust anyone.

Did you change your profile picture _because_ I mentioned feeling my heart being squeezed every time someone mentions they are from North Carolina?

Well, _door slamming_ is a common trait in* INTJs *and one that I frequently do. Thing is that _before_ door slamming someone I think really hard about the subject and reach the conclusion that there is _nothing positive_ that can come out of that relationship. Usually it I state attitudes on the other person that are deeply annoying to me a few times. If nothing changes I either just disappear or say something like "nice knowing you" and them block them on everything. Other times this might occur is when someone says something deeply offensive to me (it takes a lot to offend me). I wait about one or two days without saying anything waiting to see if they will realize what they did and if they don't I cut contact entirely. I even cut my mother up for months until she realized finally she deeply offended me and came back to apologize.

_Never_ had a loving relationship with my family or relatives.

The real contradictory thing is that I _really, really_ want to be a father... In part at least to give the love that I think lacked on me growing up. But how? I cannot trust people, I don't really connect with anyone or any place in a deeper level anymore, finishing up with song lyrics: [happiness I cannot feel] _so love to me is so unreal_.


----------



## Rventurelli

Rhothan said:


> I fall in love with an ideal, projected into someone, but never with the person itself for who she is. Now that I think about it, that's quiet the opposite of romantic...


_Wir machen es auch im Wachen wie im Traume: wir erfinden und erdichten erst den Menschen, mit dem wir verkehren — und vergessen es sofort.
_
What we do in dreams we also do when we are awake: *we invent and fabricate the person with whom we associate — and immediately forget we have done so*.

- Friedrich Willhelm Nietzsche


----------



## dulcinea

A little heartbroken tonight, but that's not even what makes me sad. What makes me sad is that I've at the point that I don't even feel anything. You know, when you want something to work and you try and try and try, and be patient, and just keep hoping "it'll be different, just wait," and you just get to the point where, you've gone beyond patient and beyond a reasonable amount of waiting and hoping, and you've spend months emotionally preparing yourself for the ever present possibility that things won't end up working out, so when it finally happens....you're not even sure you feel anything anymore...

yeah, like that.

I think I'll take a year to grieve. I think the worst part is that I've lost a friend that I felt kind of bonded with....yes, in a year, I'll see if I want someone or not.


----------



## dulcinea

Rhothan said:


> I fall in love with an ideal, projected into someone, but never with the person itself for who she is. Now that I think about it, that's quiet the opposite of romantic...


It is. It's a big problem with us intuitives, and can be a pitfall, because you sometimes see what's not there, and end up staying longer than, deep down, you know you should. I feel for you, bro.


----------



## Hottest_Commie_Ever

I'm 16 and both of us agree that the other is 'the one'.

We might end up suffering later, but ehhh. We're having a great time and that's what matters.

I already know all the arguments you can give me: You're too young, both of you will change, everybody thinks the first love is the last, etc. etc. etc. But i'm here for a confession, not a lecture or a debate.

If you want to debate morals in romance or whatever, though, i'm open to discussion.


----------



## Rventurelli

Hottest_Commie_Ever said:


> I'm 16 and both of us agree that the other is 'the one'.
> 
> We might end up suffering later, but ehhh. We're having a great time and that's what matters.
> 
> I already know all the arguments you can give me: You're too young, both of you will change, everybody thinks the first love is the last, etc. etc. etc. But i'm here for a confession, not a lecture or a debate.
> 
> If you want to debate morals in romance or whatever, though, i'm open to discussion.


Is he a Commie too?


----------



## Hottest_Commie_Ever

Rventurelli said:


> Is he a Commie too?


We both are really into memes, that's the reason for all this commie business. No, i'm politically neutral (as much as i can possibly be) and he really dislikes communism...

What about you?


----------



## Rventurelli

Hottest_Commie_Ever said:


> We both are really into memes, that's the reason for all this commie business. No, i'm politically neutral (as much as i can possibly be) and he really dislikes communism...
> 
> What about you?


When I was younger (from about 11 to 14) I was actually a *Communist* of the _Marxist-Leninist_ kind, even became a _Stalinist_ for a while. Mostly because my father was/is one and most of my teachers were also in the _Catholic_ _middle school_ and _high school_ I went to. Over time I really started to dive in in politics, history and philosophy and overtime changed to really _despise_ *Communism* and now I recognize that like almost anything else there are positives and negatives, however, I think that the negatives outweigh the positives.

I used to make historical comics, sometimes with memes, about funny historical events a long time ago.


----------



## Hottest_Commie_Ever

Rventurelli said:


> When I was younger (from about 11 to 14) I was actually a *Communist* of the _Marxist-Leninist_ kind, even became a _Stalinist_ for a while. Mostly because my father was/is one and most of my teachers were also in the _Catholic_ _middle school_ and _high school_ I went to. Over time I really started to dive in in politics, history and philosophy and overtime changed to really _despise_ *Communism* and now I recognize that like almost anything else there are positives and negatives, however, I think that the negatives outweigh the positives.


Yeah, when we're younger we tend to go for the more idealistic stuff on the political spectrum. I've fallen into idealistic traps from time to time but mostly i'm a realist, and because everything has its ups and downs i prefer to stay near the middle. My boyfriend's views are similar to mine, the tiniest bit leftist but mostly centrist.



> I used to make historical comics, sometimes with memes, about funny historical events a long time ago.


Like the ones we see in history textbooks, maybe?


----------



## Rventurelli

Hottest_Commie_Ever said:


> Yeah, when we're younger we tend to go for the more idealistic stuff on the political spectrum. I've fallen into idealistic traps from time to time but mostly i'm a realist, and because everything has its ups and downs i prefer to stay near the middle. My boyfriend's views are similar to mine, the tiniest bit leftist but mostly centrist.
> 
> 
> 
> Like the ones we see in history textbooks, maybe?


More of the type that_ seem _too comical to be real.


----------



## DeadOutside

The only thing that is romantic to me is interacting with people who represent the elite of intellectualism and maturity. I would never do primitive things with them, though. Everything about the interaction has to be novel.


----------



## dulcinea

I wanna take a year off romance
so tired of weak men


----------



## Rventurelli

dulcinea said:


> I wanna take a year off romance
> so tired of weak men


Weak in physically or mentally?


----------



## dulcinea

Rventurelli said:


> Weak in physically or mentally?


emotionally.


----------



## Rventurelli

Schuyler said:


> The male in a poly thing I was in told me he wants to get back with me. We spent like 2 hours or more talking on and off about it, not because I had any intention of getting back into it (I already knew that wasn't gonna happen,) but because I wanted him to understand why I wouldn't so that he would have closure. It resulted in us both crying. I was crying because I could see how sad and lonely he'd been. Also, during the part while I was still explaining my stance, I had gotten really mad. I'm very far from perfect, and our issues really don't seem to fit in with one another's, so it began to really agitate me that he was only seeing what he wanted to happen and wasn't listening to me when I said I wouldn't be happy if we got back into it just because he would be. And I ended up yelling for a little bit.
> 
> Not to mention, his other girlfriend who had been jealous at the time + getting in the way (despite agreeing to everything before) kept insisting he try to get back with me because she finally found another guy she was interested in, thus she feels like it's "even" for her now. As if her finally being comfortable erased the damage she herself had a big part in causing, and as if I was just waiting for her to tell me when I could come back. Rofl. Even now when I think about it, it pisses me off honestly. But it's fine because the payback is she's not getting what she wants.
> 
> I guess the reason I'm not this mad at him for coddling her when she was jealous is because I saw him cry/I saw the pain he was in. Whereas all I can see with her is that she isn't learning anything. I hugged him for probably 10 minutes before I left, trying to assure him that although I did get mad when I was trying to explain my stance, I wasn't mad at HIM, rather the situation. And that I still wish him the best. I have a lot to think about in regards to the mistakes I made when I was with them out of how pissed off the way they acted made me. All I know is I feel like I probably did the right thing finally.


_You did_ the right thing. You have no idea the amount of heartache it causes us when the girl just leaves without saying anything and no obvious reason. It is _extremely hard_ to bring closure to something when you do not know really what happened and therefore cannot learn from it.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Rventurelli said:


> _You did_ the right thing. You have no idea the amount of heartache it causes us when the girl just leaves without saying anything and no obvious reason. It is _extremely hard_ to bring closure to something when you do not know really what happened and therefore cannot learn from it.


Thank you, I appreciate that. Took me a long time to learn that, honestly. I used to be really vague when I had to end things, because I didn't want to accept that I was gonna hurt people regardless of how I tried to word something; it was easier for me to just not say anything and avoid actually seeing them be sad. But I realize everyone is gonna get hurt, & there's a way to have them understand at the same time.


----------



## dulcinea

I hardly ever think of him, and yet, I'm thinking of sketiching out a picture of what a hypothetical daughter would like if we had one XD


----------



## Rventurelli

Schuyler said:


> Thank you, I appreciate that. Took me a long time to learn that, honestly. I used to be really vague when I had to end things, because I didn't want to accept that I was gonna hurt people regardless of how I tried to word something; it was easier for me to just not say anything and avoid actually seeing them be sad. But I realize everyone is gonna get hurt, & there's a way to have them understand at the same time.


Think of it this way: since it is going to hurt _no matter how_, it is better to talk things over as it will be less painful i_n the long run_. Even if you and the other person cry and whatever, it is a _one time event_. It is _much worse_ to never have closure, as from time to time you will think again of that non-resolved issue and that will bring you sorrow... _for a lifetime_.

Talking from personal experience: I had only three relationships in my life_ that went deeper_ than a few dates here and there: a two year long relationship, a three year long one that ended in marriage and divorce and a short three months relationship. The one I _never forget_, the one that made this heart bled a little bit too much and which I never recovered was the _three months one_. Why? She just disappeared, never gave me a reason, never responded me. The three months one, _not_ the marriage. Most of the reason why I am such a _cynical bastard_ that_ does not_ believe in love.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

My confession: 
I live in the land of implications and hidden possibilities, so if someone obviously compliments me _for days_ and then asks me out, I guess it goes right over my head!! 

Him: "We should go out sometime!!"
Me: ...Is he asking me out?

Now I have _days_ of conversations I need to replay/reread so I can actually see the signs! _Oh my gosh!!! There are so many!!!_ Cue the freakout!!


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Rventurelli said:


> Think of it this way: since it is going to hurt _no matter how_, it is better to talk things over as it will be less painful i_n the long run_. Even if you and the other person cry and whatever, it is a _one time event_. It is _much worse_ to never have closure, as from time to time you will think again of that non-resolved issue and that will bring you sorrow... _for a lifetime_.
> 
> Talking from personal experience: I had only three relationships in my life_ that went deeper_ than a few dates here and there: a two year long relationship, a three year long one that ended in marriage and divorce and a short three months relationship. The one I _never forget_, the one that made this heart bled a little bit too much and which I never recovered was the _three months one_. Why? She just disappeared, never gave me a reason, never responded me. The three months one, _not_ the marriage. Most of the reason why I am such a _cynical bastard_ that_ does not_ believe in love.


Makes perfect sense. Thank you for explaining to me further. And I'm really sorry. I know someone in a similar place as you regarding love, and it might sound like something everyone else says, but I do think something will happen to test your current outlook as well as his. And that it'll be worth paying proper attention to, at the very least.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I'm completely immersed in some totally unrelated task—and then it's like someone adds a warm dose of meds to my invisible chest catheter, and I'm _compelled_ to seek out the one who attracts me. I have to take a large breath so the feeling can't choke me to death.

_Stop it,_ invisible doctor! Stop pumping that heart-aching chemical into my bloodstream! It makes me groan, tremble, and surrender to emotions so strong they torment me. They tease me with promises of unearthly pleasure, but I don't think I should believe them.


----------



## And1

When my wife is away from home I sleep on the couch until she returns home again. She doesn’t know I do that, but remarks how I make the bed exactly like she does.


----------



## dulcinea

And1 said:


> When my wife is away from home I sleep on the couch until she returns home again. She doesn’t know I do that, but remarks how I make the bed exactly like she does.


Idk why, but I find this rather sweet.


----------



## Rventurelli

Schuyler said:


> Makes perfect sense. Thank you for explaining to me further. And I'm really sorry. I know someone in a similar place as you regarding love, and it might sound like something everyone else says, but I do think something will happen to test your current outlook as well as his. And that it'll be worth paying proper attention to, at the very least.


You are welcome and rest assure _you did the right thing_!

We will see about that. While _I am skeptical_, it seems that life acts that way sooner or later. Seems like every time we have a rule for anything, life keeps _"testing"_ us if we really mean that by trying to steer us in a different direction, if you believe in God it seems like He is trying to see if you really mean what you say or think -- as a disclaimer, I do believe in God, however, I am not religious.


----------



## Rventurelli

And1 said:


> When my wife is away from home I sleep on the couch until she returns home again. She doesn’t know I do that, but remarks how I make the bed exactly like she does.


_Perhaps_ one day she will come back early and catch you in the couch; _be prepared_ for some explaining.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Rventurelli said:


> You are welcome and rest assure _you did the right thing_!
> 
> We will see about that. While _I am skeptical_, it seems that life acts that way sooner or later. Seems like every time we have a rule for anything, life keeps _"testing"_ us if we really mean that by trying to steer us in a different direction, if you believe in God it seems like He is trying to see if you really mean what you say or think -- as a disclaimer, I do believe in God, however, I am not religious.


Yeah, that's a definite pattern. I'm just not sure if the test is always to make sure you hold true to what you believed prior to it, or if it's to make sure you allow a new experience to potentially change you and don't get hung up on the past. Seems like it could be either way/I can't necessarily vouch for the latter but I can't vouch against it, either.


----------



## Rventurelli

Schuyler said:


> Yeah, that's a definite pattern. I'm just not sure if the test is always to make sure you hold true to what you believed prior to it, or if it's to make sure you allow a new experience to potentially change you and don't get hung up on the past. Seems like it could be either way/I can't necessarily vouch for the latter but I can't vouch against it, either.


_Either way_ it would really make no difference, would it?


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Rventurelli said:


> _Either way_ it would really make no difference, would it?


Depends on if the experience ends up feeling worth it? I dunno, I feel like many skeptics probably thought one way until confronted with a different situation. Or maybe nothing will change. I hope something does, though.


----------



## Rventurelli

Schuyler said:


> Depends on if the experience ends up feeling worth it? I dunno, I feel like many skeptics probably thought one way until confronted with a different situation. Or maybe nothing will change. I hope something does, though.


You mean something change _for me_ or for _people in general_?


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Rventurelli said:


> You mean something change _for me_ or for _people in general_?


In this case, I meant your perspective changing potentially.


----------



## Rventurelli

Schuyler said:


> In this case, I meant your perspective changing potentially.


Thanks for clarifying! We will see what happens.


----------



## swenya

Romantic confession..... _well_.
I've noticed a reoccuring pattern in my dreams recently. It seems as though each time I start to become interested in someone in more than 'just a crush' way, my first (and only) boyfriend will pop up in a dream at night, in one scenario or another. Just randomly. It's odd. We haven't spoken in a year and it's been over two years since we broke up. Odd.

Anybody else have something like this happen to them?


----------



## The Poet

I just found out my childhood friend who I haven't seen in 4 1/2 years (but couldn't talk to), and haven't seen regularly in 6 years, is back in my city, and she lives close to my neighborhood. She moved a few months ago. I found this out, because my mom's father (my grandfather) passed away and the girl's mother (my mom's friend) was coming to visit, and while another guest was coming over, she mentioned it. I melted and burned with excitement at the same time. Her mother came over, and like the dick I am, I kept asking the mother questions about her daughter, after she asked me questions about me since she hadn't seen me in years, despite the fact my mom was grieving. (I was grieving too, but in a more minor way, i guess you could say.) since i could not talk to the girl due to her being a conservative devout muslim, i instead loved her mother's presence for the sake of her, and her presence reminded me of all the good times i had with her daughter as a child. but as soon as she left, i realized i was screwed, because aint know way a muslim girl of this particular sect was talking to me until possible courtship (which is after college and im nowhere near to being done), and she might actually say no to that. so i broke down crying and blubbering like a baby, all the while worrying my brother would wake up or slam the door out of anger (it was open). i love her more than anything in this world, and I want her so bad. Hearing her name or the mention of the words, "the girls...." by her mother sends shivers down my spine (she has a sister).


----------



## Blacteco

Men are such an enigma?


----------



## nicoloco90

swenya said:


> Romantic confession..... _well_.
> I've noticed a reoccuring pattern in my dreams recently. It seems as though each time I start to become interested in someone in more than 'just a crush' way, my first (and only) boyfriend will pop up in a dream at night, in one scenario or another. Just randomly. It's odd. We haven't spoken in a year and it's been over two years since we broke up. Odd.
> 
> Anybody else have something like this happen to them?


Yep. It is like a projection of the slow process of you phasing them out of the heart and mind. Or at least, that's how I saw it. The dream(s) would rewind over and over again but develop slowly, each time adding a page or two at the end of the dream. However, at the same time they slowly get less frequent. From daily to weekly to monthly to ... well ... I don't even recall last time I had ex-gf (also my first and only) appear in my dream. Torturous at first, but soothing in the end, because I liked how the dream developed in a sense that it mirrored my ever improving mental/heart state. It was like in the end everything was ''okay'' and the things I did and do were ''right'' (which they were). 

I suppose your crushes/infatuations are a trigger and direct link to parts of your heart/mind, which fire up those (sub)conscious memories about your ex.

Not sure how 'far' that is within me at this point, as I don't really fall easily for anyone. And well, it's been over 3 years ago. I'm in a ''neutral'' state? Ready for a new passionate adventure? In other words; it would be responsible and healthy again now to start something new romantics-wise. Questioning whether it is also _necessary_ is something else altogether. Certainly not a priority.


----------



## Fadingspark

Ever since I moved to a new town I've been having feelings toward my old friend from 5 years ago that I occasionally speak with. Like once in a month or so. I was trying the usual tinder dates and so on but those feel so shallow that I got sick of it, and my friend forced me to make a choice in either committing to that friend of mine, or letting her go and continue trying with random people. I chose to commit, as it was much easier for me, and been waiting ever since, now it's been 13 months and maybe we're a little bit closer with her but 200 km between us is a major issue, even though we get along with each other like it was meant to be.

The problem is that I fell for her and she probably doesn't know. I don't know if i want her to know it either. But with these pink glasses on my eyes I can ignore all other girls and live quite happily even if it would never work out with her. I could listen to her speaking for eternity. Before her no one has induced such strong feelings.
At the moment I'm thinking that maybe it would be better to just let her be and accept that it probably is better for me to live in a beautiful solitude. She would have done something if she felt the same.


----------



## CCNaps

isnt it a bit awkward in our line of work

fedderally studying people vs trapgawds ... love will get u killed unless its a bossup trap queen lol 
jk dont give up or lose faith/hope.

everyday waking up is a blesssing your not swimming with the fishes or lost off in the trenches.
count it uppp , blessings lol and its alright , its your life. im just liviing in it'woadey (;
build with your partner ppl 
its the foundation to your youth and leave behind a Legacy when all is thru <3

CCNaps -


----------



## CCNaps

Fadingspark said:


> Ever since I moved to a new town I've been having feelings toward my old friend from 5 years ago that I occasionally speak with. Like once in a month or so. I was trying the usual tinder dates and so on but those feel so shallow that I got sick of it, and my friend forced me to make a choice in either committing to that friend of mine, or letting her go and continue trying with random people. I chose to commit, as it was much easier for me, and been waiting ever since, now it's been 13 months and maybe we're a little bit closer with her but 200 km between us is a major issue, even though we get along with each other like it was meant to be.
> 
> The problem is that I fell for her and she probably doesn't know. I don't know if i want her to know it either. But with these pink glasses on my eyes I can ignore all other girls and live quite happily even if it would never work out with her. I could listen to her speaking for eternity. Before her no one has induced such strong feelings.
> At the moment I'm thinking that maybe it would be better to just let her be and accept that it probably is better for me to live in a beautiful solitude. She would have done something if she felt the same.


stalk muchh? lol jk. lifes what u make it. dont make sense? better make change . loves sweep you by the feet put up for that ring!-


----------



## CCNaps

Fadingspark said:


> Ever since I moved to a new town I've been having feelings toward my old friend from 5 years ago that I occasionally speak with. Like once in a month or so. I was trying the usual tinder dates and so on but those feel so shallow that I got sick of it, and my friend forced me to make a choice in either committing to that friend of mine, or letting her go and continue trying with random people. I chose to commit, as it was much easier for me, and been waiting ever since, now it's been 13 months and maybe we're a little bit closer with her but 200 km between us is a major issue, even though we get along with each other like it was meant to be.
> 
> The problem is that I fell for her and she probably doesn't know. I don't know if i want her to know it either. But with these pink glasses on my eyes I can ignore all other girls and live quite happily even if it would never work out with her. I could listen to her speaking for eternity. Before her no one has induced such strong feelings.
> At the moment I'm thinking that maybe it would be better to just let her be and accept that it probably is better for me to live in a beautiful solitude. She would have done something if she felt the same.


better make sure she know! what she signs up for or else , time is the only thing that wont go back.. </3


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I feel like I'm on the outside looking in regarding any romantic inclinations now, and I kind of like that. I feel safeguarded; open to something that can take me out from behind my barrier and make me feel something almost spiritual, but well hidden up until that happens. I'm definitely cynical, as a result of never having been given a reason not to be/finally understanding that being cynical is the best route instead of going all in with my heart.

Maybe that's not good. But it seems like it's good for me, right now. I'm just not sure what could ever change it for me. I feel like I'm mostly just into dead celebrities I can romanticize how I want to.


----------



## Koniak

I mostly think about killing myself and sex.
What can I say? I'm a romantic by heart.


----------



## Mynka

If I've met you and talked for more than a few seconds and you're slightly attractive I've probably imagined having sex with you so intimate we cuddled and ordered pizza after while talking about our dreams and fantasies.

I take my idealism seriously xD


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Just left from an outing with an old friend [with benefits] of mine. It was fun. He's always been pretty easy to talk to, and not much changed in that department from when we used to hang out. 

At the end he wanted to hook up, and I definitely did also because he's one of if not the best I've had so far. But I decided to hold off on it, as the main issue I had in the past was it felt like it was becoming all about the sex and less about how we were as friends. I'm hoping we can rebuild the friendship, and possibly make it stronger than it was before. I think he wants to be more than friends, but I let him know that I'm moving away in a year and am not trying to get into anything serious, to which he was okay with. So I think 'friend' is the best way to put it.

I did kiss him before I left though, which quickly turned into making out. Had to stop myself, but he wanted 'one more' (rofl,) and the second time he groped me and started kissing on my neck. I still feel tingly all over from his lips on my neck, I hate myself lol. Had to pull myself away AGAIN before anything could start (I'm actually surprised I was able to) v_v I'm gonna try to make it to hanging out without any sex 4 or 5 more times. Though I have doubts I'll make it passed the 3rd time. Hopefully by then I'll feel more secure with everything, because it's definitely as torturous for me if not worse. I'd been fantasizing about him on and off since he asked me to the movies a few days ago.

Either way I'm feeling like waiting is the right thing to do


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

I’ve never adored anyone like I adore you, although some of our values don’t necessarily align. I never really learned to love someone as a whole until I met you


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I've gone almost a week without saying anything to this person. I guess that isn't necessarily something to be proud of, but I've come a long way from how I used to be. Any time I had any doubt, I would frantically react and I was completely pathetic. For once I've just been trying to sit back and see what people do which doesn't come naturally to me at all. Though it hurts a lot, I know I'll come out ahead for once.

I've been told the more mature thing to do is to have a conversation with them, but it's not that simple. It's hard to reach out to someone who you believe might not think there's anything they need to talk about, anyway. So the way I see it is if I don't hear from them after a few more days (the last conversation was me asking them if they wanted to see Deadpool, and them saying yes but that they'd have to figure out when after the weekend,) then I'll just say forget it and move on.


----------



## acutekarma

I broke off a relationship with a girlfriend, and she went and committed suicide


----------



## acutekarma

I total agree with you pomPom; but from a empathetic man, the female body is just part of the picture, Hell the Female is the picture. You are the Dominant sex, But Females were conned by men long age, berated and beaten for the fact men have one basic function of fertilization period. But I digress; Women over history have never really informed/learned of and on the power of the energy you possess. You have over 7000 sensory nerve endings in your clitoris alone! Women are capable of having continuous orgasms for up to an hour at a time but the average is about five minutes. But the real sad fact is that about 75% never reach orgasm through intercourse alone; and 10-15% never climax.


----------



## Ravenetta

I have absurd romantic ideals sometimes, but they get flattened like a pancake when I let reality do its thing.


----------



## The Poet

I once asked out a 12 year old when I was 17. I didn't really intend to date her, just let her know how I felt to get my infatuation off my chest. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack. I'm glad I have a sex therapist I'm going to finally start seeing soon. Poor girl. I must have terrified her. But she seemed to take it pretty well, must have been because she was surrounded by her friends (who forced me to say it in front of them). The biggest crush I've ever had on someone was on my cousin (now 17, I'm 19), back when I took certain Qur'anic verses to heart..............(Qur'an 4:23-4:24) The only people who I liked who I did not find my feelings polluted with lust for were a small portion of people. Damn you, foot fetish. EDIT: BTW, now my cousin has a boyfriend, and it's considered incest in our family despite previously not, or seemingly so.


----------



## Miss Bingley

I developed feelings for a close friend of me over the course of the semester, and I never told her and now she's moving away for her PhD program


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

I miss us of the previous days... I miss just spending hours and hours talking to you. I miss connecting with you emotionally. Now we spend so much time together but we don’t talk as much anymore.


----------



## FeliciteM

Its hard when one of your best friends, that you've had a crush on your entire life, starts going out with someone exactly opposite of you. You know you'll never be his type. It's kind of brutal really.


----------



## HermioneG

I have been fucking a married coworker. There are feelings. Huge goddamn feelings on both sides. I know better. But I don?t care. This is the shit that happens when I make decisions with feelings. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## drmiller100

HermioneG said:


> I have been fucking a married coworker. There are feelings. Huge goddamn feelings on both sides. I know better. But I don’t care. This is the shit that happens when I make decisions with feelings.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I've been fucking a married lady. Her husband knows all about it. I fell too far. 

I'm not seeing the upside here.


----------



## temptingthesea

Can we still be friends?

is what I tell myself

but this stupid beating organ won't listen.


----------



## irish1

temptingthesea said:


> Can we still be friends?
> 
> is what I tell myself
> 
> but this stupid beating organ won't listen.


God, just said the same thing to an INTJ female who excised me from her life. Brutal.


----------



## temptingthesea

irish1 said:


> God, just said the same thing to an INTJ female who excised me from her life. Brutal.


Said to me by my INTP ex who doesn't want me out of his life because he says he needs me as a friend. Brutal.

But there, there...we can do this.
I'm here on PerC to distract myself hahaha and learn more about myself and people in general.

I see that you're a new member. Hope to see you more around here!


----------



## irish1

temptingthesea said:


> Said to me by my INTP ex who doesn't want me out of his life because he says he needs me as a friend. Brutal.
> 
> But there, there...we can do this.
> I'm here on PerC to distract myself hahaha and learn more about myself and people in general.
> 
> I see that you're a new member. Hope to see you more around here!


Ouch. Whatever we can do to please them right?

Thanks for the connection....I'll try to be around. Just talking about this is painful, at least initially. But I can already tell it's helping me. Making me realize that I am better off alone, that she was poisonous. At the same time, I need to be accountable. I enabled her to use/neglect me. My own damn fault.


----------



## temptingthesea

irish1 said:


> Ouch. Whatever we can do to please them right?
> 
> Thanks for the connection....I'll try to be around. Just talking about this is painful, at least initially. But I can already tell it's helping me. Making me realize that I am better off alone, that she was poisonous. At the same time, I need to be accountable. I enabled her to use/neglect me. My own damn fault.


Right. We're hurt but we still do whatever to please them haha.

I know! It was hard for me to talk about it at first but really, all I did was talk about it even to strangers here online just so I could gain a better understanding of things. It's really a great help. 

Awww. I understand what you feel but still, I think when we're in love with a person, we can't help but be under the spell and ignore everything else. We're not necessarily aware that we're _enabling_ them to neglect us because we feel that's just all part of the process of loving them. Or maybe that's the naive me talking haha.

Feel free to talk to me anytime!


----------



## irish1

@temptingthesea Speaking for myself, I've noticed a pattern in this last relationship that ended and a few previous ones that ended in similar fashion. With some of the women that I fell in love with I simply chose to give. Unconditionally and excessively. Material items, but more so with my time, attention and compliments. Unconditional, but also unearned and undeserved. (an ex-girlfriend who I had lunch with recently pointed this out and I had one of those "aha" moments)

Now people of our type think "isn't that part of what love is about?". Well, yes and no. This type of giving tends to creates a scenario where the person on the receiving end is destined to take us for granted. It's inevitable when the dynamic of us giving and them receiving is akin to breathing. The significance of the giving loses it's meaning. Not sure if I am making sense to you, but when a person does this it's really setting up the relationship for problems/imbalance/failure. And I trust the source since she was on the receiving end of this smothering type of "love" and over a decade had passed since we last spoke.

But what to do? I am still working on this since it has been a quite recent awakening thanks to my friend, but I am in the process of developing habits for this not to happen again. Even if I sense the other person pulling back, I need to have the courage to let them and not "chase" them and save the unconditional stuff for certain situations where it is warranted and most importantly, for the people who are deserving of such love.....which is not easy since it goes against my nature/behavioral patterns.


----------



## irish1

@temptingthesea

What MB personality type are you by the way?


----------



## Michy4545

I have become so cold. Ever since my lover rejected me. I am now affectionless, loveless and cold. just plain cold.


----------



## spicycucumber

I've had my heart broken so many times (believing in the fantasy..only to be disappointed and crushed when they turned out to be heartless douchbags) that my heart is callused.

I don't believe in the love story anymore and totally settle out of boredom.

Perhaps I haven't found someone who would ignite a fire in me the way I used to ignite with anyone I was romantic with.

The negative is that I'm not as love drunk, consumed, and on fire. The positives are that my life does not crash and burn nor is my heart crushed when the relationship ends.

Yay for experience! The death of fantasy/ecstasy, but the stability is nice lol


----------



## WickerDeer

The guy I first masturbated to seemed kind of like a cross between Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore.


----------



## Abbaladon Arc V

WickerDeer said:


> The guy I first masturbated to seemed kind of like a cross between Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore.


That absolutely not romantic 

thats weird has fuck


----------



## Abbaladon Arc V

temptingthesea said:


> Said to me by my INTP ex who doesn't want me out of his life because he says he needs me as a friend. Brutal.
> 
> But there, there...we can do this.
> I'm here on PerC to distract myself hahaha and learn more about myself and people in general.
> 
> I see that you're a new member. Hope to see you more around here!


you too ? XD

Fucking INTP


----------



## temptingthesea

Abbaladon Arc V said:


> you too ? XD
> 
> Fucking INTP


Oh no. Why, did you have the same experience?
Well, this is not aimed at all INTPs haha. 

My ex apparently wasn't just ready to be in a relationship even when he said he really wanted to be with me. I don't know. It doesn't make sense but nothing really makes sense when it comes to this matter, I guess.


----------



## Eu_citzen

It ought to be an interesting date when my initial reaction is somewhere between "intimidated" and "Let's hit the sheets!".


----------



## WickerDeer

Abbaladon Arc V said:


> That absolutely not romantic
> 
> thats weird has fuck


:laughing:

It seemed romantic the moment I though of it. Maybe confusing nostalgia for romance. I actually think it's quite innocent and am glad that it wasn't porn. But...eh...I can see how it sounds weird.


----------



## Purrfessor

WickerDeer said:


> :laughing:
> 
> It seemed romantic the moment I though of it. Maybe confusing nostalgia for romance. I actually think it's quite innocent and am glad that it wasn't porn. But...eh...I can see how it sounds weird.


I mean was it a cross between Sandler and Shore in terms of goofy looks? Or in terms of goofy character? 

It's not really weird either way, it's just they are goofy characters. Stereotypically they make you laugh, not get turned on. 

But idk maybe humor is more attractive to Ne...


----------



## knife

WickerDeer said:


> The guy I first masturbated to seemed kind of like a cross between Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore.


_The Wedding Singer_-era Sandler?

...nice.

:laughing:


Abbaladon Arc V said:


> That absolutely not romantic
> 
> thats weird has fuck


Quit being judgmental. This is not the thread for judgmental whining.


----------



## Abbaladon Arc V

knife said:


> _The Wedding Singer_-era Sandler?
> 
> ...nice.
> 
> :laughing:
> 
> Quit being judgmental. This is not the thread for judgmental whining.


Funny. You are funny. 

Stop Whining about my whining child because i like to judge people like you judge me and tell me i need to stop this. 

I'm gonna tell you something

For a knife 

You don't cut me off with your argumentation lack of logic. 

IF you want to debat , i hope you gonna found a guy with the same lvl like you. 
Because i don't have much time for you. So be happy i answer back to you. 
Peace.


----------



## Abbaladon Arc V

temptingthesea said:


> Oh no. Why, did you have the same experience?
> Well, this is not aimed at all INTPs haha.
> 
> My ex apparently wasn't just ready to be in a relationship even when he said he really wanted to be with me. I don't know. It doesn't make sense but nothing really makes sense when it comes to this matter, I guess.


Same shit.

They are not ready
They dont know if they love others
They dont know if they want see the futur with you
They fall in love with pêople when they are in relationship

I see a lot of INTP relaltion with feeling problems the are not conscious about they own feeling


----------



## temptingthesea

Abbaladon Arc V said:


> Same shit.
> 
> They are not ready
> They dont know if they love others
> They dont know if they want see the futur with you
> They fall in love with pêople when they are in relationship
> 
> I see a lot of INTP relaltion with feeling problems the are not conscious about they own feeling


Well, it just so happened that it was with a couple of INTPs that we'd shared something special which failed for whatever reason.
But it's a one-time thing!

And hey, I'm sure everyone (regardless of MBTI type) has those issues you've mentioned! We can't hate on INTPs for that.

So cheer up, you'll find your person in time!


----------



## Abbaladon Arc V

temptingthesea said:


> Well, it just so happened that it was with a couple of INTPs that we'd shared something special which failed for whatever reason.
> But it's a one-time thing!
> 
> And hey, I'm sure everyone (regardless of MBTI type) has those issues you've mentioned! We can't hate on INTPs for that.
> 
> So cheer up, you'll find your person in time!




My relation is like 

""I really want be with you because you are amazing but i don't know if i want be with you""

The problem is i don't have fucking time for this shit and i don't really care about her now i know she can stop loving me.

And the thing is this girl is scary

Because i girl don't know what they love and can't define love cheats even more and can go when you are in a bad situation 

Very sellfish INTP are.


Now i prefer girls are strong enough to love and dont let negative way kill relation and more loyal. 
And have maturity , now i'm gonna be very evil about that.

If i break with the girl i have i prefer to hate the girl than have a friends

For me people have their ex for friends are weaks and useless, people lie to me are the same and people cheat need to die. 
And i prefer religious rich powerful people 

Like royalist , for me values and perfection is a good way to live. I was too good with girls like every man. 
I'm gonna be more evil. Or only evil. People want me need to be hards like me with themselve or get out in my life.


----------



## WickerDeer

Stelliferous said:


> I mean was it a cross between Sandler and Shore in terms of goofy looks? Or in terms of goofy character?
> 
> It's not really weird either way, it's just they are goofy characters. Stereotypically they make you laugh, not get turned on.
> 
> But idk maybe humor is more attractive to Ne...


At the time I didn't think this. 

It was a realization, after I saw the person come up in a friend's facebook feed. I was like 'oh--I recognize him. I lost my masturbation virginity to him'. He looks kind of like that guy...who was it? Pauly Shore? No...more like Adam Sandler. I guess they look similar." He was a Perceiver, probably Se dom or aux, if I want to judge his personality. He was a skater. His wife looks like XSFP, from the pictures. I don't think I ever saw him skate, but he did have a sort of fluidity and 'IDGAF' but peaceful vibe. I never realized how skating looks like surfing on land. 

(Idk Imagine Adam Sandler doing these things--lol)






I think this looks super dangerous, and have never seen anyone do this. but still kind of cool to watch:






The kind of physical intelligence that must develop with skating...It reminds me of surfing, but with surfing you don't try to jump over random objects. Tbh I never though much about skating or surfing before, but it is pretty impressive. Maybe I was attracted to his idk enthusiasm about a hobby. He just seemed like a nice person though and pretty independent and solitary.



knife said:


> _The Wedding Singer_-era Sandler?
> 
> ...nice.
> 
> :laughing:
> 
> Quit being judgmental. This is not the thread for judgmental whining.


Probably. It was high school, so I'd guess young Sandler. lol


----------



## Purrfessor

WickerDeer said:


> At the time I didn't think this.
> 
> It was a realization, after I saw the person come up in a friend's facebook feed. I was like 'oh--I recognize him. I lost my masturbation virginity to him'. He looks kind of like that guy...who was it? Pauly Shore? No...more like Adam Sandler. I guess they look similar." He was a Perceiver, probably Se dom or aux, if I want to judge his personality. He was a skater. His wife looks like XSFP, from the pictures. I don't think I ever saw him skate, but he did have a sort of fluidity and 'IDGAF' but peaceful vibe. I never realized how skating looks like surfing on land.
> 
> (Idk Imagine Adam Sandler doing these things--lol)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I think this looks super dangerous, and have never seen anyone do this. but still kind of cool to watch:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The kind of physical intelligence that must develop with skating...It reminds me of surfing, but with surfing you don't try to jump over random objects. Tbh I never though much about skating or surfing before, but it is pretty impressive. Maybe I was attracted to his idk enthusiasm about a hobby. He just seemed like a nice person though and pretty independent and solitary.
> 
> 
> 
> Probably. It was high school, so I'd guess young Sandler. lol


Mmm yeah skating brings me back to my childhood. I had skater friends in school but I hardly could skate. Instead I played the skating video games inside... But what really skating is about freedom and the music in the scene is actually GOOD. I loved the soundtracks on the video games and the part about being cool by pushing boundaries. Skating is really attractive as a lifestyle..

Better than riding a machine to feel freedom. How much freedom can you really feel sitting down on a Harley Davidson bike or in your pickup truck? The freedom of the wind and travel maybe, but not the freedom of expression in movement!


----------



## WickerDeer

Stelliferous said:


> I mean was it a cross between Sandler and Shore in terms of goofy looks? Or in terms of goofy character?
> 
> It's not really weird either way, it's just they are goofy characters. Stereotypically they make you laugh, not get turned on.
> 
> But idk maybe humor is more attractive to Ne...





Stelliferous said:


> Mmm yeah skating brings me back to my childhood. I had skater friends in school but I hardly could skate. Instead I played the skating video games inside... But what really skating is about freedom and the music in the scene is actually GOOD. I loved the soundtracks on the video games and the part about being cool by pushing boundaries. Skating is really attractive as a lifestyle..
> 
> Better than riding a machine to feel freedom. How much freedom can you really feel sitting down on a Harley Davidson bike or in your pickup truck? The freedom of the wind and travel maybe, but not the freedom of expression in movement!


Yeah--when we were kids, we had a roller skating rink (it's been closed a long time) and me and my friends (in grade school) used to pretend to be figure skaters while playing.

There's something really nice about gliding. I never mastered surfing (tried once and the board hit me in the face) or skating (seriously...I just fall off a skateboard), but I did like roller skating. And later, cross country skiing is amazing, if you ever get a chance. It's not focused so much on speed like downhill skiiing, but just gliding over terrain.

But yeah, watching these videos increases my admiration for the sport.

In some ways, I kind of wish I did have that kind of past time or hobby in my life as a teen. I had drawing, but that's a much more isolated thing for me. 

So in that one way, the idea of 'animus' makes sense, since he probably would have been a good influence as a teen. So maybe we can be attracted to that which we repress but also frees us. 

I barely even knew him. Only once, I think I drew a picture (it was so shitty of me) of a woman with a lot of cleavage (for a school project). He said 'Nice!' and complimented me for it.

I just saw this video too--it's so not okay with me, but I also really admire what they are doing.


----------



## Purrfessor

WickerDeer said:


> Yeah--when we were kids, we had a roller skating rink (it's been closed a long time) and me and my friends (in grade school) used to pretend to be figure skaters while playing.
> 
> There's something really nice about gliding. I never mastered surfing (tried once and the board hit me in the face) or skating (seriously...I just fall off a skateboard), but I did like roller skating. And later, cross country skiing is amazing, if you ever get a chance. It's not focused so much on speed like downhill skiiing, but just gliding over terrain.
> 
> But yeah, watching these videos increases my admiration for the sport.
> 
> In some ways, I kind of wish I did have that kind of past time or hobby in my life as a teen. I had drawing, but that's a much more isolated thing for me.
> 
> So in that one way, the idea of 'animus' makes sense, since he probably would have been a good influence as a teen. So maybe we can be attracted to that which we repress but also frees us.
> 
> I barely even knew him. Only once, I think I drew a picture (it was so shitty of me) of a woman with a lot of cleavage (for a school project). He said 'Nice!' and complimented me for it.
> 
> I just saw this video too--it's so not okay with me, but I also really admire what they are doing.


I live super close to a roller skating rink. I remember doing the "all night" skating which was like 8pm until like 6am or something like that? They served you breakfast lol. I would get my roller blades on and try to go as fast as I could, racing or doing tricks. It was fun with my friends. But it was actually tough on my feet to skate for those long periods of time.

I wonder if I could buy some blades and head out to the park.. video games don't get me out of the house much, like drawing. I read once to have two hobbies - one indoor and one outdoor. And its summer time here in WA, so I can actually go outside without it raining lol. Maybe I'll pack myself a picnic too and eat under a tree or by the shore. Cooking could be an indoor and an outdoor hobby hmmm


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

*laughs* *sobs* *makes pouting face* _*It's a guy!*_ *groans*

Now: 
I have to pull pranks on him to show him I care. I have many plans to escalate the ones he already pulled on me.
I have to *not* let him know about all my weirdness right away.
I have to *not* tell him how much I'd _love_ to get in his pants. Oh _yes._
_I have to keep my hands off him!!_ But _without_ causing him to think that I'm repulsed by him. 

I guess this isn't a very romantic confession!!

It's just that I thought he was married with children and was naturally a really playful guy, but _no!_ He's _definitely_ single! And we got to play saxophone together. It was really fun! 

I'm worried about the speed though. The last time something went this fast, it was because the guy wanted a one-night stand. _This_ guy isn't acting like a player—he tells me a lot about himself, isn't being outright sexual, and is comfortable flirting with me in front of anyone—but the speed is alarming. Everything feels out of my control except for the four things I listed.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

When a sexy Christian guy wants your number, but him being sexy is all you care about. And that's wrong apparently

I gave it to him anyway. Maybe I'll end up liking his personality. Or maybe he's a closet sinner.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

How can we talk for _so long_ and still have things to say?? I'm perplexed!


----------



## WickerDeer

* *





I was wondering about meeting people, and thinking about how people are doing things for 4th of July, like going to BBQs. 

Then I started thinking about the two men I had gone out with a few times from an online dating site. And how would it be to transition from just having lunch/dinner/going to a movie to going to a place where you socialize with their friends/family. And it sounded so awkward.

Then I thought about how it might not be awkward if it was just natural--like best friends as kids. You just want the other person there b/c it's better (even more bearable) with them. 

But then I wondered if that's what would have happened, and I thought of this:

The time when the nice ISTJ 'moved' a spider from near my leg to the bushes.





There are so many different possible ways to tell a story, or maybe so many stories can be told about something. idk. But here's one:

I don't like to kill bugs and I move spiders. This had come up before in discussion, when we were walking together. And he had talked about how he did not like spiders. 

Anyway, we are sitting outdoors at a restaurant and he moves his hand towards my leg, and I was wearing a skirt. He then scoops a spider that I didn't see and I start to say,

'I think that might be a black widow.'

And then I say, 'yeah--that's definitely a black widow.'

And he just used a leaf or a napkin, and moved the spider away from where I was sitting to bushes. And it was an adult black widow. And he knew that--he must have.

----

I've never really been sure how to feel about this.

On one hand it sounds romantic, like he was really thinking about my values. 

But also--maybe I felt like the black widow. Like it would be a bad fit. You don't move a black widow with your hand. I think he wanted a family and also, his mother had trouble. I imagine I was too much like his mother and plus, I don't want to have a family.

So really, it wasn't romantic. It was incompatibility. 

Also, we never moved past just having lunches or movies, or talking or walking together, so I wouldn't know if he meant anything romantic by it or chivalrous anyway.

But I realized that in some way, I just hope he found a nice woman and has a family now and she doesn't have similar issues as his mother etc. 

Classic 'he's too good for me' rationalization, I guess. 

Maybe it makes me feel better to think that I was the black widow so it's good we never got too close. Of course, we were just friends so none of this is even relevant, except it's the kind of thing I think about while brushing my teeth.


----------



## The Poet

I'm never trusting another ENTP again. NEEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!


----------



## ephemeralyouth

I fear that I’m too clingy and emotionally needy to every find another long term girlfriend and it’s made me apatheticccc

Lots of love

Max


----------



## WhatIsYourConfirmationBias

Where do I start? So you would think I would stay away from dating for awhile considering everything I have gone through lately...But no, I joined Tinder like a dumbass...
Dating has changed so much in the last 10 years it's insane...There are many options to choose from, so many it can be dizzying if you live in a major city. So here I am scrolling through said pictures, thinking to myself "He's attractive, looks interesting, no way in hell will it ever work".

That's right, I'm rejecting men left and right sometimes for no other reason than my own insecurities. Because nothing screams desirable more than "If only you got to know me you would reject me like those before you". Oversharing again, but I have come to the realization I have little in common with most people regardless of gender, so pursuing a relationship with most men is pointless. We would both be unhappy in the end. 

Before someone starts telling me I'm being "discriminatory" or closed minded or whatever judgment about me you feel the need to make based on my comments, WHY do you care? Seriously I'm venting here, I can't understand why so many people feel the need to constantly judge me, for no reason at all sometimes other than the fact I'm alive and breathing. Yes I realize that if you post something online you leave yourself open to such things, but sometimes I wish people would just mind their own God damned business. Society is constantly judging me, and I'm sick and tired of it.


----------



## Laguna

Always had a healthy, sweet lady part. Never need synthetic assistance. Perfectly peachy fragrance my lovers have been lucky to experience. TMI and full of myself? Whatever- it's true. h:


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

It's *way* too soon for us to say anything, but I think he loves me. He really thinks I'm something special and looks out for me. Plus we played with Legos together.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I'm typing all of the following out because I'm hoping that if I can successfully write out all of my feelings about this situation, I can read it and gain some clarity on why it's hurting me so much.

Recently, someone I hadn't spoken to in several months hit me up trying to hang out. I agreed, wanting to see what it was they wanted from me. So we had gone to the movies, and then out to eat before he declared he had feelings for me and tried to see if I wanted to have sex. I refused that night, because the major problem we'd had in the past was that I felt he was making everything about sex, and I was afraid that that would happen again. He said he understood. 

After that, he hit me up sparingly during the duration of probably a month. No plans to try and see me again, nothing. Besides him feeling down one time and trying to talk about it with me. I didn't have any intention of messaging him again. But the problem is that although I feel things people do to me very deeply, I'm also possibly addicted to sex. Those two aspects of myself clash very frequently. Sometimes I'll go from being sad to being horny very quickly. So one night about a week or so ago, I got really drunk (and simultaneously horny,) and saw he was online. I messaged him because (1) sex with him is amazing and (2) there was no one else available who sex would have been as good with, which is probably partially because I had/have some feelings for him at the same time. Long story short, we had sex. And after talking about whatever afterwards, it quickly reminded me of why I like him, and I ended up telling him I did. His response, and what is really hurting me most right now, was him telling me that he liked me back a second time.

Because the last time he said it, I thought that since he wasn't acting like it, maybe he meant he liked me just as a friend. But this time he was clear in telling me that he had legitimate feelings for me. He also told me, upon that same meeting, that the reason he was trying to take it slow was because he knew I had bad anxiety, and he claimed he was afraid that once my anxiety/emotions started acting up again, I wouldn't like him anymore. At this point in me writing this, I really want to cry. I think it has some relation to me feeling like I was lied to. 

Anyway, we went our separate ways after that. I didn't speak to him for like a week afterwards, because I didn't know what to say. And then I sent him a song I was listening to. The song didn't have any romantic undertones or whatever. I just liked it and since in the past we shared music, I thought it was okay. 2 days after that point, he hadn't responded, but it told me he saw it. So I messaged him again, clarifying that it didn't mean anything more than what it was. No response, again. This pissed me the hell off, and I snapped. 

As for why I snapped, it was because I didn't understand how someone could go from seeming totally comfortable with me just a week before that, but I make ONE LITTLE move which was extremely hard for me to muster up the courage to do, and all of a sudden you're acting like you don't know me/like none of that happened. And I told him that he was being a flake, and that he could try to pin it all on my high emotions, but that in reality he had given me reason to be upset in the first place which he refused to own up to. I told him he never had to message me in the first place, if that's how it was. But that if he had simply wanted sex, he literally could have told me that and I very well might have been down for it. Then I blocked him. 

Since, I've been in a lot of pain. I don't feel like I miss his presence, or anything like that. He didn't give me *time* to get to a point where I could care enough about him TO miss him; all I had was a little crush. But whenever I think about it all, it makes me so angry. How could you act like you have an interest to me to my face, but when I'm not in front of you, it seems like you're barely thinking about me? How could you play down my existence as that meaningless to you? How could you see me as nothing more than someone you can waste time with? And furthermore, what is it about me that isn't worth being recognized as more important than that? 

I just don't understand how someone could see me as that useless. And the worst part is that I still want to be around him. There's nothing about him that I feel like I couldn't find in someone else in the future. I just feel like it made sense when he told me that he felt that way about me, and him acting the opposite way threw my brain off entirely. So it's almost like I'm desperate to feel like I WASN'T lied to even though I was. 

I don't know. None of this solves the problem. And I won't message him because then I'll be giving him what he wants, which is someone he can only sometimes decide matters only slightly. But I want to talk to him, since somewhere in my mind I feel like it'll make me feel better about myself. Right now I just feel like wasted space. And confused over how I could let him do this to me in the first place.

I also have been feeling distrust of anyone lately. Even the people who show the smallest interest in me, be it as a friend or otherwise, my mind tells me that they'll eventually try to use me, so I should just avoid getting to know them in the first place. It seems to be my safest bet since apparently I can't tell when someone actually cares about me and when they don't. I feel as though I'm incapable of someone seeing me, liking what I'm about, and simply wanting my company versus having some fucking angle. That's what I thought he wanted and I was clearly wrong.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I think I'm finally seeing what should have been obvious: I decided to let a situation start a certain way, and so that's how it ended. And it's gonna happen like that every time. All I have to do is remember that and I'll be less confused about where things are going with people in the future.

I thought I would be sad upon understanding this, but I'm not. If anything I feel more in control now. I slept with people when I did because it was what I mainly wanted at the time; if I had wanted more than sex, then I would have tried harder to get to know them first. It only got more complex when we hung out more than that afterwards, because then I let myself find out there was more to them and caught feelings. But if I hadn't allowed us to hang out more in the first place, there wouldn't have been a problem. So from now on I just have to realize what I want from people, be very clear about my intentions to make sure we're on the same page, and only do things that reflect those intentions. If I'd be more bummed about not having sex with someone than I would be about not being able to get to know them, that should say it all.


----------



## Squirt

I’ve been comtemplating the odd discordance between the expectations of love and the experience of it. I expected that once you love someone, that is it. There is one kind of love to have with a romantic partner - but that isn’t really true. I fell in love with another man while I was dating my husband, but it was a different sort of love than I had with my husband, and that was very confusing (still is).

I ended up breaking all contact with this other person because it was complicating my relationship with my husband (then boyfriend), and that was a very painful decision. I could not maintain a friendship with another man that I felt so strongly about because that was unfair to my husband.

We weren’t actually physically attracted to one another, which adds to the strangeness. The emotional connection was intense and impossible to ignore. We talked about our lives and our hurts and our joys, we were open books for each other and trusted and relied on one other. We spent almost all our time together despite both of us being in relationships.

I expected that love would be practical, that if I could not have a relationship with someone and didn’t even want one, my feelings would listen to reason and turn off like a faucet. Yet I cared so deeply about him and wanted him to have everything that would make him content, take all his tragedy and suffering away because he was such a talented, intelligent, funny, thoughtful, and kind person - the type of person that had a light inside them that I never wanted to see fade (pretty sure he was ENFP, those darn things). There was warmth and ease and comfort with each other.

I find it so strange to love two people at the same time. I love my husband, he means everything to me, and he is whom I chose as a life partner. Despite that, I miss this other man very much, even if I will never see him again.

Anyway, that is my confession.


----------



## AngelWithAShotgun

Upon hind sight, I realize during our most heated disagreement, what hurt me the most was not that he disagreed but that I didn’t feel he cared about my feelings or view. He had a logical argument, and it’s right, and it doesn’t matter what _I_ think. The way he forced his proposed solutions on me and asked me to choose one or don’t even interfere with his life was very hurtful. When I told him I was very hurt and I cried, he told me he felt I was judging him and didn’t accept him, so he was defensive and felt looked down upon. When we looked back, he’s now disappointed he reacted that way and I see things I could’ve done differently, I guess we’ve both grown from it.

Point is, in a romantic relationship, sometimes we’re so adamant to be right we don’t care about our partner’s feelings. Our own feelings can also blind us to seeing how hurtful we’re being and we’d do/say things we wouldn’t normally do. So it might be important, especially during arguments or disagreements, to ask how it’s making the other person “feel”. And if we don’t think they should “feel” a certain way, it doesn’t matter. If they feel hurt, apologize and correct it. It’s their feelings after all.


----------



## Rhothan

I'm convinced that if you know someone deep enough, you'll start to love it one way or another. But it turns out, that there are highly idealistic people who just can't let go of their dream of The One. 
I've had a long standing platonic kind of love for someone (a level of admiration close to worship), but I was able to change and get through it, and eventually, I found someone I could wholeheartedly love and care for. But it turns out, you can't just change people if they are not ready yet. And it doesn't matter how much you love them if they are unable to let you close to them, while they are waiting for someone else, or "the perfect one".


----------



## Crowbo

I've yet to be in a relationship


----------



## goldthysanura

I'm in love with Laurie Anderson


----------



## Mmmm

So I have a fear of intimacy, I'm sure it stems from both my childhood & my MBTI. Anyway I met this single dad at an event, he sat next to me, we smiled & said hello. He had a baby about 7-8 months old, & seemed to be struggling with the blanket, baby had fallen asleep. So I asked him if he needed help (I was thinking with the blanket). Next thing I know he hands me the baby. :shocked: Needless to say I'm _not _a baby person, so I thought to myself, "don't panic, he's asleep, just keep rocking him so that he doesn't wake up!" So since we were at an event, the crowd would clap ever so often, & he'd cover the baby's ear with his hand, the baby's head was resting on my breast, & his hand was on the baby's head!
That is the most action I've had in years, lol! Anyway helping him that afternoon, brought out my nurturing side, that I didn't even know existed. I guess I am a woman after all.:laughing: roud:


----------



## temptingthesea

I'm scared. )


----------



## ninjahitsawall

I don't think I've been interested in anyone romantically for about 9 years now.. if you count the time I still had feelings after we hadn't seen each other for a few years, maybe more like 6 or 7? 

I'm not sure when the feelings faded or if they ever really did. They definitely lessened over time. A lot of that was me coming back to reality and convincing myself that we wouldn't cross paths again, weren't really right for each other, etc. 

But I keep wondering if I saw her again if it would be be different. 

I also worry that I won't have any romantic interest again for... I dunno, indefinitely. It's rare that I'm both emotionally and sexually attracted to someone (to me "romantic" means both of those together, an emotional attraction is like what you have with friends). And I only like the idea of hookups in theory. It's not really for me. 

A "friend" (long story but we don't really speak anymore) had feelings for me several years back. She seemed hurt that I didn't feel the same way. Said the above situation "doesn't count", as if to invalidate it and say her "unrequited love" is bigger than anything I've felt so I don't know what it's like. I eventually decided that probably isn't true, because I never told her the extent of what happened. 

Suffice it to say that I think I can't function on a "normal" level of intensity (of romance, passion, lust, overall emotion etc). and that's why I am having this problem. Because the last time around it felt like I was possessed. So it's like a typical romantic attraction isn't enough for me to really feel much. A lot of people seem to think I'm asexual or just not a very sexual person. Quite the opposite, but again that threshold for intensity is so high now... sometimes I think it would scare people. 

I also fear that that is asking for drama and relationship issues. So while I fear not experiencing romantic interest again, I am also afraid of the damage I could cause because of my "intensity".

This "friend" clearly had no idea what she was talking about.


----------



## Mmmm

ninjahitsawall said:


> I don't think I've been interested in anyone romantically for about 9 years now.. if you count the time I still had feelings after we hadn't seen each other for a few years, maybe more like 6 or 7?
> 
> I'm not sure when the feelings faded or if they ever really did. They definitely lessened over time. A lot of that was me coming back to reality and convincing myself that we wouldn't cross paths again, weren't really right for each other, etc.
> 
> But I keep wondering if I saw her again if it would be be different.
> 
> Suffice it to say that I think I can't function on a "normal" level of intensity (of romance, passion, lust, overall emotion etc). and that's why I am having this problem. Because the last time around it felt like I was possessed. So it's like a typical romantic attraction isn't enough for me to really feel much. A lot of people seem to think I'm asexual or just not a very sexual person. Quite the opposite, but again that threshold for intensity is so high now... sometimes I think it would scare people.


I can relate to how your feeling. I speak for myself alone but once I have developed feelings for someone, I will always love them, maybe to a lesser degree/intensity, as time passes, but they will always have a place in my heart. I've found that even when I run into them years later, all the emotions come flooding back, which is not a good thing for me. I wish I could offer some hope or reassurance, that you will find love again, but I simply don't know because I'm in the same situation.


----------



## ninjahitsawall

Mmmm said:


> I can relate to how your feeling. I speak for myself alone but once I have developed feelings for someone, I will always love them, maybe to a lesser degree/intensity, as time passes, but they will always have a place in my heart. I've found that even when I run into them years later, all the emotions come flooding back, which is not a good thing for me. I wish I could offer some hope or reassurance, that you will find love again, but I simply don't know because I'm in the same situation.


This "friend" said what I felt didn't count as love. :dry: 

She's constantly in unhealthy relationships with people of questionable character, so I question her credibility... 

That is the only time I hear of this happening, though. I don't really hear, "I had a brief fling with someone, but in the end we really didn't care for each other. I can no longer be sexually attracted to people now, because our sex was so intense". The only thing similar where that could happen is sexual addiction (the part where you develop "tolerance" and need to keep increasing the stimulus). I think it's basically like that, but on an emotional level.


----------



## TallGreen

ninjahitsawall said:


> I don't think I've been interested in anyone romantically for about 9 years now.. if you count the time I still had feelings after we hadn't seen each other for a few years, maybe more like 6 or 7?
> 
> I'm not sure when the feelings faded or if they ever really did. They definitely lessened over time. A lot of that was me coming back to reality and convincing myself that we wouldn't cross paths again, weren't really right for each other, etc.
> 
> But I keep wondering if I saw her again if it would be be different.
> 
> I also worry that I won't have any romantic interest again for... I dunno, indefinitely. It's rare that I'm both emotionally and sexually attracted to someone (to me "romantic" means both of those together, an emotional attraction is like what you have with friends). And I only like the idea of hookups in theory. It's not really for me.
> 
> A "friend" (long story but we don't really speak anymore) had feelings for me several years back. She seemed hurt that I didn't feel the same way. Said the above situation "doesn't count", as if to invalidate it and say her "unrequited love" is bigger than anything I've felt so I don't know what it's like. I eventually decided that probably isn't true, because I never told her the extent of what happened.
> 
> Suffice it to say that I think I can't function on a "normal" level of intensity (of romance, passion, lust, overall emotion etc). and that's why I am having this problem. Because the last time around it felt like I was possessed. So it's like a typical romantic attraction isn't enough for me to really feel much. A lot of people seem to think I'm asexual or just not a very sexual person. Quite the opposite, but again that threshold for intensity is so high now... sometimes I think it would scare people.
> 
> I also fear that that is asking for drama and relationship issues. So while I fear not experiencing romantic interest again, I am also afraid of the damage I could cause because of my "intensity".
> 
> This "friend" clearly had no idea what she was talking about.


There was someone who made me feel "possessed" as well. It freaked me out how little control I had over myself, like if they had asked me to jump off a bridge I might have done it to impress them.
I don't think that can happen again for me, I am too on guard. Sometimes I miss the intensity and the assured -ness that, yes, I am definitely in love. But on the plus side, I get to keep my brain in my head and I am not doing anything reckless.


----------



## Mmmm

You all talk about feeling "possessed", I understand the dilemma. When I fell for my ENFJ coworker, I didn't trust myself around him, because I felt like I would have done anything for him. So I fought my inner self constantly, because I didn't like feeling out of control in his presence. To the point where he could have said, "pass the salt", & I would have said, "no!" :crazy: The feelings were so intense that just being near him made me shake like a leaf. Not to mention, blush uncontrollably. :blushed: I was miserable & giddy at the same time, if that makes any sense.

If I ever fall in love again, I never want to repeat that torture. Maybe it felt so intense for me because I didn't have an outlet, since we couldn't be together, so all my emotions were bottled up. I'd rather just feel a comfortable connection, mutual attraction, friendship, & partnership, if I ever love again.


----------



## WhatIsYourConfirmationBias

I think very few people know the real me on the internet. But they are quick to judge me and make assumptions about me based on incomplete evidence regardless...

The other day, I talked about some of my sexual inclinations. Which may have given a false impression of what I'm actually like...But rather than these people taking the time to actually READ some of the things I've written, these people choose to judge me based on their preconceived notions of the Fetish community....

I'll be honest, most men, regardless of age, see me as prey...They could be 24 or 64, it doesn't matter...So my assertations that I'm a "predator" are laughable at best, and ludicrious at worst...Like one of those tiny dogs that thinks it can take on a St. Bernard...

This is embarrassing to admit, but for someone my age, I am WAY too idealistic about human nature, not to mention...naive. (Which explains WHY I've been screwed over so many times) So when a man who is 23 for instance, starts talking to me online and tells me he's interested in ME as a person, I believe him...

So once he gets what he wants out of me, he moves on...(Online, that is..Very few D/S relationships that start online actually cross over into real life) Yet, to some people online, they read my words and actually think I'M the predator, which is a good example of how we REALLY don't know people online as much as we THINK we do...

Here's but one example of my "predatory" nature... A young man online approached me during one of the worst periods of my entire life, he was 22 and claimed to be different from the rest. Comforted me when I was alone, abandoned and scared...So yes we eventually DID get intimate, and guess what happened afterwards? He left me in that hotel room within an HOUR, and afterwards proceeded to brag to his friends about how "easy" I was. To add insult to injury, then one of his FRIENDS contacted me because apparently I'm the campus whore...But I'M the predator apparently...

But you weren't thinking about that were you, when you decided to label me as the one at fault, because after all a woman my age should know better right? 

Must be nice to see the world in such black and white terms...Where the heros always wear white, and 40 something Dommes are obviously the ones at fault in such scenarios by default...

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. So if you decide to report me, you better get your story straight.


----------



## goldthysanura

I keep having weird dreams about my coworker. I had one where we were having sex but it was dream sex that didn't involve genitals. Then I had another where he called me "she" and I went, wait a second, I'm a guy! 

I have complicated feelings toward him. It's hard to talk to him sometimes but I know he has a good heart and I like him, we're friends I'd say and hang out outside of work sometimes. I must be attracted to him on some level but I block it out because ya know he has a girlfriend (my roommate) and we work together...but it pops up in my dreams. I hope it stops happening soon. 

I hate having crushes on straight dudes. But it happens sometimes. Last year I had a crush on my straight roommate which was hard to stop having because he's gorgeous I mean like damn. And something about the way straight men act is so sexy to me.

I've been texting this guy I met on Scruff lately. He's so hot, like definitely out of my league, if leagues are a real thing. And I'm really enjoying talking to him. I wonder if anything will come of it.


----------



## goldthysanura

I keep having weird dreams about my coworker. I had one where we were having sex but it was dream sex that didn't involve genitals. Then I had another where he called me "she" and I went, wait a second, I'm a guy! 

I have complicated feelings toward him. It's hard to talk to him sometimes but I know he has a good heart and I like him, we're friends I'd say and hang out outside of work sometimes. I must be attracted to him on some level but I block it out because ya know he has a girlfriend (my roommate) and we work together...but it pops up in my dreams. I hope it stops happening soon. 

I hate having crushes on straight dudes. But it happens sometimes. Last year I had a crush on my straight roommate which was hard to stop having because he's gorgeous I mean like damn. And something about the way straight men act is so sexy to me.

I've been texting this guy I met on Scruff lately. He's so hot, like definitely out of my league, if leagues are a real thing. And I'm really enjoying talking to him. I wonder if anything will come of it.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Omg lol. I met a girl who's a customer where I work -- as well as her poly boyfriend -- a while back. She and I had made plans to hang out today, but she had to cancel due to bad allergies. But just now she texted me telling me her boyfriend wanted to know if I'd be free to hang with them next weekend. Yes, I know exactly what's going on. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about pursuing something, just for experience's sake. 

I've been in a poly situation before, and it didn't work because neither the other girl in it nor I knew if it was what we really wanted. I don't think I'm meant to take this sort of thing seriously. Truthfully all I'm thinking is that it could be a pretty fun threesome. The guy is built. And I'm mostly straight, but she's a body builder which sounds pretty crazy in a good way. They're both into BDSM. Best case, I could be a sub who gets most of the attention which I'd be so down for <.<


----------



## Laguna

a younger, nice-looking stranger just made love to me ..... with his eyes (in passing)
:eek-new: :cupcake: :laughing:


----------



## baby blue me

The truth is the more i think about it, the more that I see how you're just like other men. You're another guy who's in it for the short term and for the fun times. 

It's somehow disappointing, realizing this. I'm embarrassed too. For someone who could be detahed in relationships, I've fallen in to the trap of getting serious for someone unworthy. 

Is there someone worthy out there for the kindof love I could give, I can't help but ask. 

It's saddening to lose the respect I have for someone i thought was worthy for my love. I don't want to lose how I regard myself. I don't want to be okay with compromising. 

If I don't mean the world to you, you aren't the person for me.


----------



## Aiwass

The following conversation happened because I wanted to invite you to go out with me, without really inviting you. 

1: What you're gonna do next holiday?

2: Bla bla bla [i have stuff to do] in college bla bla bla

3: So, what you're gonna do the next weekend?

4: I dunno bla bla bla maybe study sleep go to [relative's house] bla bla bla

5: What do you usually do during weekends?

6: Blablabla is this a dating interview, hee-hee? Blabla stuff go to parks malls blabla

7: What parks are the closest to your home?

I'm sorry if I didn't have the... the I-don't-know-what-is-necessary to be more direct, but heck, you could've helped me there. The fact that you didn't annoys me.

Oh well. FML.


----------



## Thrine

lol


----------



## knife

Aiwass said:


> 6: Blablabla is this a dating interview, hee-hee? Blabla stuff go to parks malls blabla


This is the make-it-or-break-it moment. That's when they've realized you're flirting with them and they wanna see if you're flirting back.

Answer the question directly -- either with a "yes" or with a coy "mehby" (kitteh face would help here) -- because that's when you're posing the question to them, whether or not they're interested in you _that way_.


----------



## temptingthesea

knife said:


> This is the make-it-or-break-it moment. That's when they've realized you're flirting with them and they wanna see if you're flirting back.
> 
> Answer the question directly -- either with a "yes" or with a coy "mehby" (kitteh face would help here) -- because that's when you're posing the question to them, whether or not they're interested in you _that way_.


"kitteh face" :laughing:

Meanwhile, I've never really tried being _direct_. I need the other person to do that for me, and I'll take the bait like the happy fish that I am.


* *





I did take the bait. h:


----------



## Thrine

lol
i'm afraid of missing the bait being obvious yet i not noticing it right in front of me. Like today i noticed a body language thing froma personi know but does it mean anything.. i'm so confused.


----------



## knife

She has the sexiest lips when she's asleep. God I could stare at her mouth forever. But I _really_ want to shower kisses on her lips while she's snuggled with me, sleeping next to me ... 
:blushed:


temptingthesea said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I did take the bait. h:



* *




:smug:


----------



## pwowq

Aiwass said:


> The following conversation happened because I wanted to invite you to go out with me, without really inviting you.
> 
> Oh well. FML.


1: I like you. Wanna meet me this weekend.
2: No.

Sad true story.


----------



## Laguna

recall sex with someone that was heavenly - otherworldly out of this world? And miss it?
Yes- me too


----------



## Allersky

D’aww, he’s so adorable when he’s sleeping and not doing anything dumb.

EDIT: Nevermind, he woke up.


----------



## SevSevens

I tossed her salad after a hot yoga session. Then we made out. We both hadn't showered in four days.


----------



## Veggie

Just randomly heard from the first guy I ever went out with on a dating site, when I was more just messing around with it all. I'd forgotten how cute he is. Or maybe I just appreciate it more now after the monotony of going through literally thousands of profiles over the past couple years. lol. It would be kind of funny if something ended up happening there though. Full circle experience. But I shan't get ahead of myself.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Just randomly heard from the first guy I ever went out with on a dating site, when I was more just messing around with it all. I'd forgotten how cute he is. Or maybe I just appreciate it more now after the monotony of going through literally thousands of profiles over the past couple years. lol. It would be kind of funny if something ended up happening there though. Full circle experience. But I shan't get ahead of myself.


More like seeing someone actually meaningful to you personally rather than a stranger...

Dating apps you are looking at strangers you know nothing about and expected to have some sort of.. chemistry? No chemistry comes from knowing people..

For example Veggie, who would you rather go on a "date" with? Someone like me who you have talked to before and read about on the site for a long time (without really like being good friends so there is no friend zoning) or someone who just made a profile a month ago and you have no idea who tf it is? Probably me because I'm not a stranger. 

Just saying it doesn't necessarily have to be because you have dated someone that you appreciate them, it could just be the fact you know them...

You are Sx dom!


----------



## Veggie

Stelliferous said:


> More like seeing someone actually meaningful to you personally rather than a stranger...
> 
> Dating apps you are looking at strangers you know nothing about and expected to have some sort of.. chemistry? No chemistry comes from knowing people..
> 
> For example Veggie, who would you rather go on a "date" with? Someone like me who you have talked to before and read about on the site for a long time (without really like being good friends so there is no friend zoning) or someone who just made a profile a month ago and you have no idea who tf it is? Probably me because I'm not a stranger.
> 
> Just saying it doesn't necessarily have to be because you have dated someone that you appreciate them, it could just be the fact you know them...
> 
> You are Sx dom!


Honestly, I'd rather go on the date with the new person usually. lol. In my mind if something doesn't happen relatively quickly it's probably not meant to be. Desire without urgency loses it's potency and all.

But I'm in a different place now then I was back then (I wanted to have fun with the apps and play the field a little) and his profile still stands out to me, probably even more so now that I have a better idea of what's out there. And I just had a quick intense experience that ended in disaster, so he caught me at a good time in reconsidering something from the past. Fast isn't always a good thing.

I think we're going out tonight. Wish me luck!  I guess my grounding myself from dating didn't last long, yet again, but eh. lol. Timing in dating is rarely ideal.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Honestly, I'd rather go on the date with the new person usually. lol. In my mind if something doesn't happen relatively quickly it's probably not meant to be. Desire without urgency loses it's potency and all.
> 
> But I'm in a different place now then I was back then (I wanted to have fun with the apps and play the field a little) and his profile still stands out to me, probably even more so now that I have a better idea of what's out there. And I just had a quick intense experience that ended in disaster, so he caught me at a good time in reconsidering something from the past. Fast isn't always a good thing.
> 
> I think we're going out tonight. Wish me luck!  I guess my grounding myself from dating didn't last long, yet again, but eh. lol. Timing in dating is rarely ideal.


Yeah I get how first impressions are important and you develop usually from there, but idk I don't really think it's easy to be attracted to strangers. When I use an app, I just can't get myself to feel attraction at all


You know what maybe it's because I'm a demisexual..

Lol good luck veggie


----------



## Veggie

Stelliferous said:


> Yeah I get how first impressions are important and you develop usually from there, but idk I don't really think it's easy to be attracted to strangers. When I use an app, I just can't get myself to feel attraction at all
> 
> 
> You know what maybe it's because I'm a demisexual..
> 
> Lol good luck veggie


Thanks 

And yea, I can recognize physical attractiveness, but I usually need to at least text to start to feel attracted to someone. I've had some pretty fun exchanges though. I usually push for a fast meet-up.

Kind of annoyed at myself for that right now. lol. Running around like a maniac trying to get ready. Also literally just learned that I'm a first time aunt!! 

...I have wondered if that's been impacting some of my dating choices lately though. Babies popping up everywhere. I've been more... want-y than usual. For something more serious. This dude in reality could still just be the type of guy I attracted when I didn't want that, but who knows, we'll give it a chance and see what happens.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Thanks
> 
> And yea, I can recognize physical attractiveness, but I usually need to at least text to start to feel attracted to someone. I've had some pretty fun exchanges though. I usually push for a fast meet-up.
> 
> Kind of annoyed at myself for that right now. lol. Running around like a maniac trying to get ready. Also literally just learned that I'm a first time aunt!!
> 
> ...I have wondered if that's been impacting some of my dating choices lately though. Babies popping up everywhere. I've been more... want-y than usual. For something more serious. This dude in reality could still just be the type of guy I attracted when I didn't want that, but who knows, we'll give it a chance and see what happens.


Hey congratulations, make sure to inform your niece the importance of veggies and gummi bears as equal 

I think my life situation definitely plays a role in determining my dating choices honestly.. so I'm sure yours does too. Fast meet-ups seem good. I don't think it's good to hide too much behind the phone/computer, because that just breeds uncertainty.


----------



## Veggie

Stelliferous said:


> Hey congratulations, make sure to inform your niece the importance of veggies and gummi bears as equal
> 
> I think my life situation definitely plays a role in determining my dating choices honestly.. so I'm sure yours does too. Fast meet-ups seem good. I don't think it's good to hide too much behind the phone/computer, because that just breeds uncertainty.


Haha, nephew, but noted.

And I agree.

I was gushing about said nephew and dude responded well. We more so talked about family and stuff this time. He seems a little more grounded this time around too. Before he was in this rock band that was, like, making music videos and about to maybe take off and start touring, but now he's spending more time with a local country band. I felt good vibes. Plans to hang out again, shall see what happens.

And oy, dude has eyes that sparkle when he smiles :blushed: Forgot about that.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Haha, nephew, but noted.
> 
> And I agree.
> 
> I was gushing about said nephew and dude responded well. We more so talked about family and stuff this time. He seems a little more grounded this time around too. Before he was in this rock band that was, like, making music videos and about to maybe take off and start touring, but now he's spending more time with a local country band. I felt good vibes. Plans to hang out again, shall see what happens.
> 
> And oy, dude has eyes that sparkle when he smiles :blushed: Forgot about that.


I somehow did the math wrong and calculated "niece" because you're an "aunt" lol. My fucking mind sometimes I swear. 

Local is best so long as you actually like the locality. I'm from this city called Bremerton, and this band from here made a song called "come to Bremerton" I think in the 90s. It's funny because he talks about building a wall... hmm.. I've been listening to it sometimes since Trumps election haha. Let me find the song on YouTube.

Edit: here's the song, the band is famous for a song called "responsibility" but here's the song about Bremerton:


----------



## Veggie

Stelliferous said:


> I somehow did the math wrong and calculated "niece" because you're an "aunt" lol. My fucking mind sometimes I swear.
> 
> Local is best so long as you actually like the locality. I'm from this city called Bremerton, and this band from here made a song called "come to Bremerton" I think in the 90s. It's funny because he talks about building a wall... hmm.. I've been listening to it sometimes since Trumps election haha. Let me find the song on YouTube.
> 
> Edit: here's the song, the band is famous for a song called "responsibility" but here's the song about Bremerton:


I love 90's rock. I'm from Baltimore and I kinda miss that whole represent a more obscure hometown thing sometimes. 

In Hotlanta now. I think we've officially surpassed Cali in the filming that happens here and other artistic endeavors that take off and all. I like the local scene a lot though, yea.


----------



## knife

My girlfriend is so fucking beautiful it's not even funny <3


----------



## The Poet

I still have feelings for my cousin (I'm Muslim, don't judge), even though she's taken. God decreed that I marry another. it hurts, but I hope that through this suffering my sins will be expiated and i will be humbled. I usually don't think about, but the scar is still searing every time I think about her. It's been probably a few months? several months? I haven't recovered deep down, but I've buried it. Just when I thought I had gotten over myself and had fallen in love with someone else, I call my grandmother abroad and ask her if I can marry my cousin. But, this is the way God intended it to be. Ya sabır Ya Allah Ya şafi Ya Allah EDIT: My cousin isn't married, she has a boyfriend, but they are childhood friends and made a marriage pact.


----------



## The Poet

Is it strange that I love multiple women at once? I don't date, I only crush on Muslims, so no dating until after college, (3 years away), but does this make me promiscuous? Could be my BPD. I'll have feelings for two minutes and then move on to the next girl. Could also be my sedentary lifestyle and the fact that I rarely see these girls, but then again, in one event, I go from girl A to girl B with hidden thoughts in my mind like it's nothing.


----------



## The Poet

I'm so excited about going to an event tomorrow! I get to see the ladies.......


----------



## nicoloco90

I wish I had romantic confessions to make ... there's just nothing _there_ these past 4 years. 

*shrugs*


----------



## Veggie

Things officially got weird with the drinking buddy. We had a good six month or so run without complication, but then spent like the last 24 hours straight together and made out.

I've been dating people since we met, and tho I'm still dating, there's no one particularly who I am right now. He kinda gave me a stop dating morons and date me speech. Really unsure how to feel right now and its confusing because it feels like it shouldnt be.

I really like his company a lot. I think he's the only dude I've met down here who I can fully be myself around. He seems to appreciate my sense of humor, how direct I can be, my argumentative side. He'll just throw it back. I dont think we've ever actually had a negative interaction. Convo, debate, banter, etc is effortless. We've joked that we've bonded in our mutual depression and cynicism, lol, but despite that still see ourselves as optimists ultimately. He's fun to go out with. He doesnt subscribe to that fake positive call everyone toxic and act aghast by the whiff of bad vibes stuff... he sets vibes and transforms them. There's a real empathy there that can make a stranger having a bad day smile (and I've witnessed this). He seems to know and remember everyone.

He's a good looking dude too. Showed me a picture of himself when he was younger last night and he was apparently even straight up GQ in his day lol.

My sister thinks I should date him. She randomly called when we were at a baseball game several months ago and was really intrigued by who I was with, because she said I sounded happier than I had in years.

Maybe I'm feeling pressure. Which is ironic because we usually bond in laughing about stuff. He's apparently been watching Maniac like I just did, and we decided to catch old school Emma Stone and Jonah Hill in a rewatch of Superbad. He wouldn't stop going on about how it's really a story about how Jonah Hills character is Bill Cosby, and it made me giggle especially because that's something that I would do. 

Is it bad or good when you feel too similar in ways? Idk, we have a lot of differences too tho.


----------



## The Poet

Veggie said:


> Things officially got weird with the drinking buddy. We had a good six month or so run without complication, but then spent like the last 24 hours straight together and made out.
> 
> I've been dating people since we met, and tho I'm still dating, there's no one particularly who I am right now. He kinda gave me a stop dating morons and date me speech. Really unsure how to feel right now and its confusing because it feels like it shouldnt be.
> 
> I really like his company a lot. I think he's the only dude I've met down here who I can fully be myself around. He seems to appreciate my sense of humor, how direct I can be, my argumentative side. He'll just throw it back. I dont think we've ever actually had a negative interaction. Convo, debate, banter, etc is effortless. We've joked that we've bonded in our mutual depression and cynicism, lol, but despite that still see ourselves as optimists ultimately. He's fun to go out with. He doesnt subscribe to that fake positive call everyone toxic and act aghast by the whiff of bad vibes stuff... he sets vibes and transforms them. There's a real empathy there that can make a stranger having a bad day smile (and I've witnessed this). He seems to know and remember everyone.
> 
> He's a good looking dude too. Showed me a picture of himself when he was younger last night and he was apparently even straight up GQ in his day lol.
> 
> My sister thinks I should date him. She randomly called when we were at a baseball game several months ago and was really intrigued by who I was with, because she said I sounded happier than I had in years.
> 
> Maybe I'm feeling pressure. Which is ironic because we usually bond in laughing about stuff. He's apparently been watching Maniac like I just did, and we decided to catch old school Emma Stone and Jonah Hill in a rewatch of Superbad. He wouldn't stop going on about how it's really a story about how Jonah Hills character is Bill Cosby, and it made me giggle especially because that's something that I would do.
> 
> Is it bad or good when you feel too similar in ways? Idk, we have a lot of differences too tho.


 What's a drinking buddy? It sounds like you two should go out. Give it a try! Sounds like you like him and already know the answer....  Just bring it up in casual conversation, like "what do you think about the idea of us going out, you think that's silly, or cool?" But I honestly don't know too much about drinking buddies or whatever that is, all I know is, it definitely sounds like you like him, and you just want validation.


----------



## Mick Travis

Bill the Piper said:


> It's pathetic when a 40-y.o. geezer is called a BOYfriend.


I'm a 51 year old boyfriend.


----------



## Blazkovitz

Mick Travis said:


> I'm a 51 year old boyfriend.


Why not MANfriend? You should be proud of being an adult :wink:


----------



## Mick Travis

Bill the Piper said:


> Why not MANfriend? You should be proud of being an adult :wink:


1st, I don't do pride. 2nd, things labeled as "adult" are usually immature.


----------



## Tropes

pwowq said:


> If I'm on break/pause from someone it means we're both single.


Did 90s tv teach you nothing?







Bill the Piper said:


> Why cannot people say "lover"?
> 
> It's pathetic when a 40-y.o. geezer is called a BOYfriend.


Because if you are 40 then you were a teen when this song was playing all the time:


----------



## Blazkovitz

Mick Travis said:


> 1st, I don't do pride.


Point for you.:toast:



> 2nd, things labeled as "adult" are usually immature.


Which things?

If you mean obsession with career and money, yes they are ignoble. But there can be a sort of compromise, since many people want money not for themselves, but for their children.


----------



## Mick Travis

Bill the Piper said:


> Which things?


adult beverages, adult entertainment



Bill the Piper said:


> If you mean obsession with career and money, yes they are ignoble.


All this time I thought you were a transmartian. When did you go all hippy, brother?



Bill the Piper said:


> But there can be a sort of compromise


I don't call survival a compromise. It's do or die.



Bill the Piper said:


> since many people want money not for themselves, but for their children.


She has her own money. She obviously doesn't want it, as she threw it away on a Nintendo Switch.


----------



## Blazkovitz

Mick Travis said:


> adult beverages, adult entertainment


I like alcohol, but in moderation. Is that mature for you?

As for porn - send it to the nearest black hole!



> All this time I thought you were a transmartian. When did you go all hippy, brother?


I don't know what a transmartian is. I am extropian. We want to build a post-scarcity system, where money and career will be obsolete. I guess future people living in such a system could be called high-tech hippies  



> I don't call survival a compromise. It's do or die.


Of course!

I've only thought of a compromise between becoming obsessed with money and eschewing it completely like a hermit. One has money, but spends them for altruistic reasons. Not all people who work in corporations are motivated by greed.


----------



## Mick Travis

Bill the Piper said:


> eschewing it completely like a hermit.


If money ever gets thrown at me, I will go right into building hippy homes.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

This customer asked for my number at work today. He's been coming to the store for at least a couple months now (I recognized his face,) but I never thought he was interested in me. He's friendly but a lot of people where I live are, and usually it doesn't mean anything. Or so I assume. I'm not really the type of girl most guys who aren't gender nonconforming/beta hippies are into. 

Anyway, he said he'd been trying to work up the courage to say something every time, but he finally decided to go for it. And it was so sweet. Usually I'm the anxious person so it was nice to feel sought after for once. He said he liked how I was always so nice. I told him that he didn't have to worry about being shy, because I'm thrown off by guys who aren't. I guess because I could never be that fearless myself. And yes, I gave him my number. 

The problem is that, I have no interest in dating right now. Truth be told I gave it to him because my very first thought was "He's pretty hot, maybe he's a great fuck." It didn't occur to me until after he left that..maybe he's actually a good wholesome person. And right now, I am not. I'm far too focused on trying to be great by myself right now to be taking someone else seriously. Another person would just be a distraction, as mean as that might sound. And my mind probably won't change on that for a long time because I have a lot of work to do. For once in my life I'm totally happy being single so why ruin that?

So I guess I'll just try to be honest, when he texts me. I'll tell him I'm not looking for anything serious, but if he ever wants to "hang out" sometime, I'm down lol. Hopefully that won't hurt him.


----------



## Mmmm

I've seen him (ENFJ) 2 weekends in a row now, it makes me miss him. I think I will always love him, no matter how much time passes, or how long we are apart. He's gotten more gray, but still as sexy as ever. I've been fantasizing about him, & all the things I want to do to him, & imagining what he would do to me. I wish it were reality! I miss the way he smelled, & how he used to pull me close to him. The way he used to say, "H e l l o!" He always made me feel included, like I mattered. I miss everything about him!


----------



## Veggie

I have a date tonight with one of the best looking guys I've seen in a while. He seems cool too. Kinda nervous, but I bought a new outfit and I'm trying to keep the confidence going. Dressing up in red tonight. It's supposed to get the gentlemen going. lol.

And of course, this dude I've been talking to for a while has gotten super persistent again right as this other guy appears. Because the radar for that is, I further keep feeling convinced, a universal law.


----------



## Veggie

He secretly had kids and I was slightly taller than him in heels.. which I think he cared about more than I did, but idk, maybe not.

Ho hum.


----------



## goldthysanura

I went on a date a few days ago with this guy. I had a good feeling from talking to him online, I thought it would go well. And then right when I saw him in person and we started talking, well it was captivating. We spent the rest of the evening together and into the wee hours of the morning and he came to my place last night too and I woke up lying next to him. I like him because he's a good listener, and has interesting things to say; he seems kind, genuine and solid. Also, he's a composer so we both love music. And he clearly likes me a lot too. To be seen for who I am, or at least who I appear to be when I'm comfortable enough to be myself and be a good version of myself; to look into someone's eyes and see a spark in them and the way they crinkle; and to want to do so many things together--these are things I've been missing. the last time I felt this way about anyone I was a lot younger and not the same person I am now. Hopefully this connection keeps developing. No matter what, I've really enjoyed spending time with him so far!


----------



## The Poet

I have no clue what her MBTI type is, but I like it!


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

I think one of my friends know I like him/find him attractive. I know he's gay but its not my fault he's good looking xD I think he's INFJ or some other NF.

He hasn't mentioned anything at all thank goodness. But he did tell me about a restaurant he took his boyfriend to once, probably to drop me a hint he's not interested.

I know nothings gonna happen so I'm not worried about that. I just hope its not too awkward for him.

Anyone else liked a gay (or lesbian) person before?
(A lot of guys I seem to like, I end up finding out they're gay... :/ )


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

There's a very small percentage of me that's optimistic, that likes to think that someone could actually be expressing an interest because they like what I'm about. But for the most part I'm just sitting and waiting for them to say what it is they really want, whether it's sex, someone whose ear they can talk off, or whatever else. Just get it over with so I can go back to only having to deal with myself.


----------



## goldthysanura

Well, things are more complicated than I thought they would be


----------



## pwowq

goldthysanura said:


> Well, things are more complicated than I thought they would be


I hope she can keep it simple.


----------



## Crowbo

My love life so far is a failure


----------



## Wisteria

I'm really confused about the state of our relationship right now. I can't decide how I feel because I don't know if I can trust him, but I don't know how to express this and whether I should or not. I wish I got a warning of how complicated sex/relationships are. It's really stressful to deal with, but at the same time I still want him all the time. 

On our first "date" he flattered me with compliments and said he would like to get to know me. But now he never wants to take his spare time to go out with me, and says he was "busy". He says about girls not being interested in him, how he has no love life, and keeps asking me what I find attractive about him. I don't know if it's insecurity or if he's just using me. Am I being naive? I really don't know, but I feel like i'm being used. Once he said he would come to my place after a late night shift but then messaged me saying he was with friends. Then he eventually asked if he could come over again last night. I already told him I wanted us to see each other at an earlier time instead of just going to bed together. I've never been in a relationship like this before so I have no idea if this is normal or not. 

It's so fucking stressful not understanding what is going on, not understanding him or being able to deal with the situation. I'm such an easy person to take advantage of with the lack of experience and all, so I'm really worried.

I have no friend to talk to about this either


----------



## Wisteria

Ok i'm starting to I wish I was gay :dry:


----------



## Mmmm

Wisteria Wonderland said:


> Ok i'm starting to I wish I was gay :dry:


I don't think relationships with women are any easier, sorry. Love is complicated, no matter who it's with. :frustrating:


----------



## Electra

Mmmm said:


> I don't think relationships with women are any easier, sorry. Love is complicated, no matter who it's with. :frustrating:


But I believe friends with bennies are worse :mellow:


----------



## Crowbo

Occasionally, I don't think I have what it takes


----------



## Electra

Maybe my problem is I have too low self esteem or selfconfidence or whatever it is called.


----------



## Crowbo

Glittery Blingtron said:


> Maybe my problem is I have too low self esteem or selfconfidence or whatever it is called.


Come to think of it, I don't even know why I'm posting here in the first place. I'm 20 and still yet to be in a relationship.


----------



## Electra

Crowbo said:


> Come to think of it, I don't even know why I'm posting here in the first place. I'm 20 and still yet to be in a relationship.


hahahaha, you will probably soon be in one :happy:
Don't give up hope :wink:


----------



## Crowbo

Glittery Blingtron said:


> hahahaha, you will probably soon be in one :happy:
> Don't give up hope :wink:


I won't cause I never give up XD 

Would you consider me a late-bloomer or no? Not that it matters


----------



## g_w

Wisteria Wonderland said:


> I'm really confused about the state of our relationship right now. I can't decide how I feel because I don't know if I can trust him, but I don't know how to express this and whether I should or not. I wish I got a warning of how complicated sex/relationships are. It's really stressful to deal with, but at the same time I still want him all the time.
> 
> On our first "date" he flattered me with compliments and said he would like to get to know me. But now he never wants to take his spare time to go out with me, and says he was "busy". He says about girls not being interested in him, how he has no love life, and keeps asking me what I find attractive about him. I don't know if it's insecurity or if he's just using me. Am I being naive? I really don't know, but I feel like i'm being used. Once he said he would come to my place after a late night shift but then messaged me saying he was with friends. Then he eventually asked if he could come over again last night. I already told him I wanted us to see each other at an earlier time instead of just going to bed together. I've never been in a relationship like this before so I have no idea if this is normal or not.
> 
> It's so fucking stressful not understanding what is going on, not understanding him or being able to deal with the situation. I'm such an easy person to take advantage of with the lack of experience and all, so I'm really worried.
> 
> I have no friend to talk to about this either


As a character in a mystery story said once, "The chief use of strangers is to tell things to."

(If you're not going to see these people again, and they can't figure out who you are in real life by what you type, you might as well ask a bunch of people for advice, to get the benefits of ALL their mingled experience.)


----------



## Electra

Crowbo said:


> I won't cause I never give up XD
> 
> Would you consider me a late-bloomer or no? Not that it matters


I don¨t know what that is but you are kind and caring and along with honesty,
I have exerienced those are the most sought after traits in men among woman.
I have been on dating sigts and the question occured
"what do you most seek after in a man" and these two factors was most frequently:
-kindness
-honesty

And a LOT of woman ansered these same two things!! I swear. Over and over.


----------



## Crowbo

Glittery Blingtron said:


> I don¨t know what that is but you are kind and caring and along with honesty,
> I have exerienced those are the most sought after traits in men among woman.
> I have been on dating sigts and the question occured
> "what do you most seek after in a man" and these two factors was most frequently:
> -kindness
> -honesty
> 
> And a LOT of woman ansered these same two things!! I swear. Over and over.


What did you say in the post that you mentioned me here? It ended up as "Deleted Posts"


----------



## Firelily

romantic spots for me are found far from civilization where you arent just connecting with each other but also the peace and quiet found when away from ordinary life. 

roud: :heart:


----------



## Electra

Crowbo said:


> What did you say in the post that you mentioned me here? It ended up as "Deleted Posts"


Sorry I forgot what it was and why I deleted it, :sad:


----------



## Crowbo

Firelily said:


> romantic spots for me are found far from civilization where you arent just connecting with each other but also the peace and quiet found when away from ordinary life.
> 
> roud: :heart:


I totally agree someplace like this would be an amazing place to spend time with a lover. :heart:



 However, that for me is a distant pipedream for me at the moment it seems. But maybe someday, it will become reality. After all, there's a time and place for everything.


----------



## Crowbo

Glittery Blingtron said:


> Sorry I forgot what it was and why I deleted it, :sad:


That's okay. The only part of the text that I remember reading is the number 20. Hope that jogs your memory.


----------



## Electra

Crowbo said:


> That's okay. The only part of the text that I remember reading is the number 20. Hope that jogs your memory.


Unfortunetl...no wait! When I was twenty I got married and stayed married like 7 years. I think it was that roud:
(I often write too personal things about my self, then I regret and get scared and delete it again :kitteh Yeah and an old woman told me you will soon get a ring on your finger right before that but I was sceptic, :thinking: but it actually happend :shocked:


----------



## Crowbo

Glittery Blingtron said:


> Unfortunetl...no wait! When I was twenty I got married and stayed married like 7 years. I think it was that roud:
> (I often write too personal things about my self, then I regret and get scared and delete it again :kitteh Yeah and an old woman told me you will soon get a ring on your finger right before that but I was sceptic, :thinking: but it actually happend :shocked:


Okee, I see. I don't want marriage right now. Not while I'm still in college at least. I'd be biting off more than I can chew and it'd be too much commitment for me at this current point in time. You don't have to delete posts like those though. You post interesting stuff and we're all interested in what you have to say. roud: Have no fear :heart:


----------



## pwowq

Mmmm said:


> It's none of my business, but I'm a little confused.  It seemed from your other posts, &* the thread you created*, that you wanted to be set-up with someone. So was it just for fun, or for sex? You don't need to answer, but I thought you were, looking for a relationship.


Oh, that… hah, infatuation does weird things. I got over it. Mind the dates, it was YEARS ago. I'm quite sarcastic too.
___________________________

She's allergic to cats! That's my main demotivator to be any closer to her. I want two cats in my life when/if I fully grow up. xD

I have no reason to commit to anyone emotionally. I have this romantic idea that serious relationships happens without descision, something that grows from being with someone, it should come naturally from both.

I love pleasure and providing pleasure too. It's a win-win and she's an intelligent 40 yo woman. I expect she knows why she wants to continue seeing me. I roll with honesty. She knows how I feel. I COULD roll with manipulating, using etc but I consider that evil abuse of the power I have over her.


----------



## Wisteria

g_w said:


> As a character in a mystery story said once, "The chief use of strangers is to tell things to."
> 
> (If you're not going to see these people again, and they can't figure out who you are in real life by what you type, you might as well ask a bunch of people for advice, to get the benefits of ALL their mingled experience.)


What do you mean?


----------



## Wisteria

Mmmm said:


> I don't think relationships with women are any easier, sorry. Love is complicated, no matter who it's with. :frustrating:


Would a woman use you for sex though? And only care about physical things? Somehow I don't think so, or not to that extent.


----------



## The Poet

relationship goal: bachelor for life until further notice. EDIT: from now on even seeing women in public disgusts me.


----------



## Wisteria

Fable Wolf said:


> Sometimes relationships are just like that. It starts off strong at first and then over time the other person just stops caring, not for any particular reason or anything you did but because they just arn't actually ready for a serious relationship and there's no way to figure if they're that type of person beforehand sometimes and it sucks. It's basically playing the lottery and you have to hope you don't get screwed months and months down the road which probably sounds discouraging but I think the payoff if you "win" is probably worth it. This isn't something you get over in a day or even weeks but I thin what you have to remind yourself is you did nothing wrong and you definitely shouldn't let one bad experience cheat you out of having the will to get what you want.
> 
> I would also say just cut him out, once something like that happens it's over you'll only hurt yourself more if you're indecisive about staying involved or not because it's clear he doesn't care and I'm not sure some magic switch flipping and he decides he actually did care is a thing and if it was I wouldn't even trust it. It's not really one of those things you can turn around and go "it was just a phase" I don't think.


Yeah but they could at least talk to me about it, explain what's going on. I'm not going to get involved with them agsin unless they drastically change overnight, or they have a really good reason for doing this, which won't happen lol.


----------



## Typical ENFJ

Wisteria said:


> This isn't okay though. If you know what you want, then connect with people who want the same thing, instead of being manipulative. There are women who just want casual sex too, but I can't without any getting strings attached. There's no excuse to use someone for your own desire, then drop them when you get bored of them. If he made his intentions clear I would have been fine with it. Instead he just kept lying to me and avoiding any conversation that might lead to some honesty. There's nothing worse than having to try and guess someones intentions and not knowing whether or not to believe what they say.





Rascal01 said:


> Wait a second. While you are unhappy about the outcome, and sound a bit shaken, you have just had a learning experience that can be helpful in the future.
> 
> It isn’t called the battle of the sexes for nothing. Men and women often have different goals and objectives. While attracted and drawn to each other, we often seek different outcomes. You have just experienced a common male behavior while you were seeking to attain a common female outcome or end result.
> 
> Men want sex. The male sex drive is so powerful (in many men) that I know of no word to adequately describe it. Simply put, it is a driving biological force that overpowers judgement, decency and self-control. The tool, or weapon, men use with great effect in attaining relief from their driving force is the spoken word. It is used because women are vulnerable to it.
> 
> Men may manipulate multiple women simultaneously. They may overnight with one woman, go home and shower, to take up with another later in the day. The only realistic limits are personal stamina, adequate personal funds and their recruitment skills.
> 
> Men may tire quickly of a woman once they have had enough sex with her, then move on to another. The male purpose is to fertilize eggs. The instinct is to move on. This does not reflect hate or dislike. It is a matter of more and different. In a man’s mind there may never be enough sex or enough women.
> 
> I won’t say much about the female perspective. You will surely know that better than I. What I will say is that women appear to desire one man, their man, if you will, and to create a “relationship.” Relationships run counter to male instinct as they are opposite to the male desire to hit, run and move on. (Many) men tend to put up with relationships and do not necessarily enjoy them.
> 
> And so the engagement between the sexes goes on. The solution to the mutual gender manipulation and conflict appears to be love. When the right couple meet the situation tends to improve, and even resolve itself.
> 
> So, you’ve just been given a combat intelligence dump in the battle of the sexes. Knowing how (many) men may conduct themselves should give you an insight and allow you act and/or judge accordingly. Skepticism should be your friend and healthy doubt your companion as you assess the golden words your heart longs to hear. Men are perfectly capable of being your lover without being your friend.
> 
> Now that you know that, dry your tears and get back in the game. The right guy is out there. Just put a protective coating on your heart as you look for him.
> 
> Here is the disclaimer. I do not, and cannot, speak for all men. No one elected me representative or spokesman of the male gender. But what I have presented here is based on my lifetime of experience in the battle of the sexes. I have seen too many broken hearts in both genders. I just hope to ease your discomfort with a little insider knowledge.


No though! Almost every guy I seem to talk to isn't that intrested in exculesly sexaul relationships. Not enough sex is peractly fine as long as we feel a connection. Love isn't something we just throw away. It's increadly hard for many men to get over a realtionship and the act of making your partner happy is important to many of us. The reason it may apper that way is do to pop culture or sexual confusion within a person. This is denantly ture for long ago but as cultures evole so does peoples perseption of people. Not being in a realtionship (ever) or not having enough emathy for others could deffantly lead you into think this or even wanting to to be ture.


----------



## Gossip Goat




----------



## temptingthesea

I googled, and apparently, there's a term for it.

It's a first for me, and I'm not really proud of it.

But how does one deal with _retrospective jealousy_? :crazy:


----------



## Queen of Cups

Gossip Goat said:


> I've been thinking about this tonight. I think you mentioned somewhere that you've been married for 20 years? Or something? Perhaps more? Could you talk more about keeping feelings alive after a long time? From your perspective, what makes a LTR work? I sometimes feel like the way I felt at the beginning is how I should always feel, and worry about things dying down in the future. The thought worries me, even though I've been told this is normal.


Married 18 years in June. We've been together just over 20 years.

I think each relationship is different, so what makes them work is going to be different. I know for us, when we got married I wanted out vows to each other to be promises we could fall back on in the hard times. It's normal for emotional intensity to die down. Emotions are like tides, they ebb and flow and you won't always feel things as strongly or as passionately as you did when it was all new and magical. Falling in love is one thing, it's standing in that love once the shine has worn off and a bit of reality sets in that can be hard. I wanted things to remind us of why we are together and things to help us work through the difficulties. 

Despite not being religious, I took our vows from passages in Corinthians and Ephesians. Particularly this:

https://www.biblestudytools.com/1-corinthians/passage/?q=1-corinthians+13:4-8

So instead of promising to love, honor cherish etc which kinda rang empty to me. We promised to always be patient with each other and kind to each other and to put the others needs on par with our own and to not keep score or be self seeking. This has been really good to fall back on when things are not always as easy or when we don't agree.

And it's a daily process that takes work. It's making each other a priority, making sex a priority (not easy when you have kids let me tell you), making emotional intimacy outside the bedroom a priority. Being open and honest and always showing the other gratitude. Still flirting with each other and trying to keep that feeling of euphoria and being chased or courted alive. Being silly together and laughing together. Taking time each day to reconnect with each other. And remembering that long before we were Mom and Dad or even Husband and Wife, we were too crazy young kids who felt that they could conquer the world as long as they had each other. It's trying to make sure that as we get older and grow that we grow together instead of growing apart. 

And I do find that remembering the beginning and reminding myself why helps to keep the emotions alive, at least for me. I'm very passionate and he's very sentimental, so recreating those moments works for us. And It's not exactly the same as in the beginning when it was all fresh and new because we are not the same people. But in a lot of ways it's better. Because the feelings are deeper and more lasting. 

(and i hope this makes sense because my thoughts are all over the place)


----------



## Wisteria

Typical ENFJ said:


> No though! Almost every guy I seem to talk to isn't that intrested in exculesly sexaul relationships. Not enough sex is peractly fine as long as we feel a connection. Love isn't something we just throw away. It's increadly hard for many men to get over a realtionship and the act of making your partner happy is important to many of us. The reason it may apper that way is do to pop culture or sexual confusion within a person. This is denantly ture for long ago but as cultures evole so does peoples perseption of people. Not being in a realtionship (ever) or not having enough emathy for others could deffantly lead you into think this or even wanting to to be ture.


Maybe you're in a different demographic? Every guy who has showed an interest in me pretty much just wants one thing. It's either the situation i've been venting about nonstop or someone trying to chat me up somewhere. I'm a student so a lot of guys I know are just wanting to have fun and make the most out of being in their 20s. They don't seem to be interested in settling with anyone. I hope you're right though, that most aren't like that.


----------



## Typical ENFJ

Wisteria said:


> Maybe you're in a different demographic? Every guy who has showed an interest in me pretty much just wants one thing. It's either the situation i've been venting about nonstop or someone trying to chat me up somewhere. I'm a student so a lot of guys I know are just wanting to have fun and make the most out of being in their 20s. They don't seem to be interested in settling with anyone. I hope you're right though, that most aren't like that.


I'm fifteen-year-old (White American Male) and if that's what people in their twenties are like I want to skip to my thirties.


----------



## Wisteria

Typical ENFJ said:


> I'm fifteen-year-old (White American Male) and if that's what people in their twenties are like I want to skip to my thirties.


Well fortunately you're a straight guy so you probably don't have to worry about that. You will probably have other difficulties though haha. Dating the opposite sex is pretty hard. I honestly wish I was gay, it would be so much easier xD and I don't want to skip my 20s because of this.


----------



## Gloria Germanica

I had a girlfriend once who was originally from Morocco. I broke up with her after two years when I realized I was being a race traitor.


----------



## And1

Hellena Handbasket said:


> Married 18 years in June. We've been together just over 20 years.
> 
> I think each relationship is different, so what makes them work is going to be different. I know for us, when we got married I wanted out vows to each other to be promises we could fall back on in the hard times. It's normal for emotional intensity to die down. Emotions are like tides, they ebb and flow and you won't always feel things as strongly or as passionately as you did when it was all new and magical. Falling in love is one thing, it's standing in that love once the shine has worn off and a bit of reality sets in that can be hard. I wanted things to remind us of why we are together and things to help us work through the difficulties.
> 
> Despite not being religious, I took our vows from passages in Corinthians and Ephesians. Particularly this:
> 
> https://www.biblestudytools.com/1-corinthians/passage/?q=1-corinthians+13:4-8
> 
> So instead of promising to love, honor cherish etc which kinda rang empty to me. We promised to always be patient with each other and kind to each other and to put the others needs on par with our own and to not keep score or be self seeking. This has been really good to fall back on when things are not always as easy or when we don't agree.
> 
> And it's a daily process that takes work. It's making each other a priority, making sex a priority (not easy when you have kids let me tell you), making emotional intimacy outside the bedroom a priority. Being open and honest and always showing the other gratitude. Still flirting with each other and trying to keep that feeling of euphoria and being chased or courted alive. Being silly together and laughing together. Taking time each day to reconnect with each other. And remembering that long before we were Mom and Dad or even Husband and Wife, we were too crazy young kids who felt that they could conquer the world as long as they had each other. It's trying to make sure that as we get older and grow that we grow together instead of growing apart.
> 
> And I do find that remembering the beginning and reminding myself why helps to keep the emotions alive, at least for me. I'm very passionate and he's very sentimental, so recreating those moments works for us. And It's not exactly the same as in the beginning when it was all fresh and new because we are not the same people. But in a lot of ways it's better. Because the feelings are deeper and more lasting.
> 
> (and i hope this makes sense because my thoughts are all over the place)


Exactly this. I’ve been married almost 11 years now, three kids, and my relationship with my wife is deeper, stronger, and more satisfying than ever. As I always tell others, I found my best friend and married her. When your connection runs deeper than being attracted to them it’ll stand the rest of life’s never ending challenges and the changes each other will and do have over the course of life. Also, congratulations! I hope you two have many more years together.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

The Poet said:


> relationship goal: bachelor for life until further notice. EDIT: from now on even seeing women in public disgusts me.


Interesting, but you may have missed the point of this thread.


----------



## DudeGuy

Typical ENFJ said:


> I'm fifteen-year-old (White American Male) and if that's what people in their twenties are like I want to skip to my thirties.


what makes you think the thirties are any different. h:


----------



## pwowq

I know I have problems committing to someone but fuck me I've never had it thrown in my face like this!
:bored:


----------



## Wisteria

Blocking him on social media has actually given me a sense of relief. I feel like I can move on now.


----------



## managua tarantella

never talk about your previous relationships


----------



## Cherry

how am i even going to sleep, ugh


----------



## Tropes

I find that emotions often take the form of wishes for me. And over the years I've spent a lot of time wishing various things about my ex wife. Angry wishes, revengeful wishes, remorseful wishes, wishes for insight, wishes for distractions, wishes for a quiet mind, wishes to not wish anything at all. But I found out that she recently she lost a man she loved - her father. Not her birth father, but the one who raised her in her early years, the most real father she ever had. And for the first time since my divorce, after a long time of just wishing to no longer wish anything at all... I've found myself wishing I could be there for her.


----------



## Wisteria

Wisteria said:


> Blocking him on social media has actually given me a sense of relief. I feel like I can move on now.


Ok now I'm actually seeing him around everyday so far ughh. Why does it have to be now that I keep seeing him?? I didn't see him around for months before >_> it's things like this that make me hate life.

Hope someone else can come into my life, that would be real nice right now. Been really bipolar these past couple of weeks, literally going from "thank u, next" to "I hope he dies" lol


----------



## Typical ENFJ

Wisteria said:


> Ok now I'm actually seeing him around everyday so far ughh. Why does it have to be now that I keep seeing him?? I didn't see him around for months before >_> it's things like this that make me hate life.
> 
> Hope someone else can come into my life, that would be real nice right now. Been really bipolar these past couple of weeks, literally going from "thank u, next" to "I hope he dies" lol


Tell him your not intrested in talking. If he's a good person he'll proably understand that. I'm not sure if laws are the same in the UK but in America if you ask someone to stop they have to (If it's about realtionships or sexaul behavours).


----------



## Wisteria

Typical ENFJ said:


> Tell him your not intrested in talking. If he's a good person he'll proably understand that. I'm not sure if laws are the same in the UK but in America if you ask someone to stop they have to (If it's about realtionships or sexaul behavours).


Oh lol I'm not the one who's not interested in talking. Hes probably avoiding talking to me or not thinking about me at all.
I've never heard of that law here. You can make authorities tell someone to leave you alone but that's usually more serious.


----------



## 66767

I guess I'm dating him now. He seems to be into me more than I, him. A part of me is relieved that is the case, for I'm not ready to let my guard down and get hurt again. There remains one question: will I grow to really like him and care for him? I think I'm already starting to... remind him of things like remembering to eat enough and calling him out when he's being an asshole or talking for too long. At the end of it all, if nothing comes of this, then I want for the both us to help each other grow as individuals for ourselves and to help those in society. I want us to become better people.

I certainly don't love him now, and I don't know if I want to love him, or even grow to love him. But if we could be positive influences in our each others' lives, then fret I will not.


----------



## Wisteria

I'm really confused about relationships/sex in general. Where do people draw the line between casual and intimate sex? What is the point in casual sex?? Is going on dates still normal these days? I don't know what is normal and what is not. When starting a relationship, is it meant to be exclusive ? When is commitment or loyalty actually expected from a partner? It's all a huge complicated mess, just thinking about it is an actual clusterfuck to me.


----------



## temptingthesea

Wisteria said:


> I'm really confused about relationships/sex in general. Where do people draw the line between casual and intimate sex? What is the point in casual sex?? Is going on dates still normal these days? I don't know what is normal and what is not. When starting a relationship, is it meant to be exclusive ? When is commitment or loyalty actually expected from a partner? It's all a huge complicated mess, just thinking about it is an actual clusterfuck to me.


been asking the same questions myself


----------



## Cherry

Wisteria said:


> I'm really confused about relationships/sex in general. Where do people draw the line between casual and intimate sex? What is the point in casual sex?? Is going on dates still normal these days? I don't know what is normal and what is not. When starting a relationship, is it meant to be exclusive ? When is commitment or loyalty actually expected from a partner? It's all a huge complicated mess, just thinking about it is an actual clusterfuck to me.


In some ways I guess that's why it's almost beneficial to wait until you're in the established relationship (lol no I'm definitely not suggesting til _marriage_ - eff that) before 'doing the dirty' - because then you will defs know he is in it for more than that - the line would more likely be clearer


----------



## Eu_citzen

Wisteria said:


> I'm really confused about relationships/sex in general. Where do people draw the line between casual and intimate sex? What is the point in casual sex?? Is going on dates still normal these days? I don't know what is normal and what is not. When starting a relationship, is it meant to be exclusive ? When is commitment or loyalty actually expected from a partner? It's all a huge complicated mess, just thinking about it is an actual clusterfuck to me.


I guess being an INTJ really helps here. Because I tend to just ask, "what are we?". And you can then have "the talk".

Point of casual sex? idk, pleasure maybe?

Going on dates is still normal, btw.
When starting a relationship, _unless you both agree it to be an open relationship_, yeah it tends to mean you are exclusive with each other.

When commitment and loyalty is expected varies. I personally find after 1 month or so of dating it tends to get more serious and you can cut off others.
But that is a personal choice and circumstantial. 
It just depends on how well it is going and such, in rare cases I have decided to be loyal after 2 weeks. 
Easier to focus on one person if its really clicking well.


----------



## Wisteria

Eu_citzen said:


> I guess being an INTJ really helps here. Because I tend to just ask, "what are we?". And you can then have "the talk".


Lol when I ask guys this they start running. They totally freak out and it's annoying. It's not a difficult conversation to have >_> 

Casual is just weird because when you don't care about the person sex loses its appeal. Its less stressful and theirs no commitment expected, but it's not worth it to me..

I expect a relationship to be exclusive right away, because you can't be attracted to multiple people at once.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Wisteria said:


> I expect a relationship to be exclusive right away, because you can't be attracted to multiple people at once.


Some can.


----------



## Eu_citzen

Wisteria said:


> Lol when I ask guys this they start running. They totally freak out and it's annoying. It's not a difficult conversation to have >_>
> 
> Casual is just weird because when you don't care about the person sex loses its appeal. Its less stressful and theirs no commitment expected, but it's not worth it to me..
> 
> I expect a relationship to be exclusive right away, because you can't be attracted to multiple people at once.


Well, that sucks. I personally make a point not to sleep with them for the first month or so.
Weeds out the ones looking for something casual and those more inclined for a serious relationship. [although this isn't a big issue here]

On a side note, I do know some people who can be attracted to more then one person at a time.


----------



## Cherry

I kinda wish I could rewind moments, and pause or play them in slow motion, so I can really analyse people's veeeery initial split second body language responses and facial expressions more accurately and figure out just how much they're into me - or what their TRUE response/instinctual reactions were (to things I said to them) - would save me all the second guessing and hoping later!


----------



## Wisteria

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> Some can.


Oh I mean you can't be interested in pursuing a relationship with more than one person. You're either the one and only or you're not.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Wisteria said:


> Oh I mean you can't be interested in pursuing a relationship with more than one person. You're either the one and only or you're not.


Again, some can. Some are polyamorous by nature, just as some are homosexual etc. Different strokes for different folks.


----------



## Cherry

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> Some are polyamorous *by nature*


You know, there are a lot of things I'm open minded to -- but I'm really not sure I agree with this. It just doesn't seem to ring true to my intuition. I've met those kind of people, and I've gotta say - there's a distinct correlation of a lack of self control, selfish-ness and maybe even hedonism in their personality.

Personally, even if I was tempted, and believe me, I am able to desire more than one person (individually) at the same time, something irks me about becoming one of those people who are okay with acting on all of them and making some weird agreement...I am quite sure no matter how much they deny it, jealousy would still play a part, eventually (even if they don't admit it - which obviously they won't because they're trying to prove to the world this is 'normal' for them). Idk, anyone who wants their cake and to eat it too (and acts on it shamelessly) kinda irks me.


----------



## Wisteria

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> Again, some can. Some are polyamorous by nature, just as some are homosexual etc. Different strokes for different folks.


Polyamorous? How common is that? Even if people won't they just stick with one person because it's the norm to have one SO ?


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Candy said:


> You know, there are a lot of things I'm open minded to -- but I'm really not sure I agree with this. It just doesn't seem to ring true to my intuition. I've met those kind of people, and I've gotta say - there's a distinct correlation of a lack of self control, selfish-ness and maybe even hedonism in their personality.
> 
> Personally, even if I was tempted, and believe me, I am able to desire more than one person (individually) at the same time, something irks me about becoming one of those people who are okay with acting on all of them and making some weird agreement...I am quite sure no matter how much they deny it, jealousy would still play a part, eventually (even if they don't admit it - which obviously they won't because they're trying to prove to the world this is 'normal' for them). Idk, anyone who wants their cake and to eat it too (and acts on it shamelessly) kinda irks me.


Jealousy is a huge issue, and often contributes to why such arrangements end up not working out. But that doesn't mean they don't want or can't pursue multiple people, it just means that their desires/needs aren't in sync, which is a very common human dilemma. And sometimes it does work out. 

As for hedonism, I think it's more a matter of willingness to pursue your impulses vs. self-inhibition. There are pros and cons to both and both are easy enough to overdo.



Wisteria said:


> Polyamorous? How common is that? Even if people won't they just stick with one person because it's the norm to have one SO ?


Probably not very common. It's OK in some parts, norms are "normier" in some parts of the world than in others. I've lived in places where polyamoury was practiced by quite a few people. Most people aren't into BDSM either, there are niches for all sorts of things.


----------



## Cherry

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> Jealousy is a huge issue, and often contributes to why such arrangements end up not working out. But that doesn't mean they don't want or can't pursue multiple people, it just means that their desires/needs aren't in sync, which is a very common human dilemma. And sometimes it does work out.


You know though - the fact that jealousy can exist in an arranged agreement like that only indicates to me that it is indeed human nature to want to be treasured _exclusively._


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Candy said:


> You know though - the fact that jealousy can exist in an arranged agreement like that only indicates to me that it is indeed human nature to want to be treasured _exclusively._


Maybe. There are lots of things in the human nature that create all kinds of trouble yet they are part and parcel of our accumulated human-ness ... you've got psychopaths, sociopaths and any number of sexual deviants, not to mention all the gazillion little things that the rest of us drive each other crazy with.

IMHO if someone desires more than one person and they can make it work, power to them. Some people also prefer a more fluid/open love life, even when it involves some jealousy. Things rarely work out just so, pretty much everyone has to accept some crap as part of the whole. You mostly get to pick your flavour of excrement.


----------



## Cherry

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> You mostly get to pick your flavour of excrement.


Lmao...well when you put it that way :tongue:


----------



## InfiniteLightvoid

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> You've got psychopaths, sociopaths and any number of sexual deviants, not to mention all the gazillion little things that the rest of us drive each other crazy with.


The whole problem with your argument is that psychopaths and sociopaths, are not /normal/ or human nature. They are the exact opposite, they have broken brains and psychologies which happened by unnatural/corrupting damaging. A psychopath isn't human nature, it's not some valid alternative or variant of human nature. It's just someone who's brain got fucked up either by bad genetics or whathaveyou. Human nature is to have empathy, and /everyone/ has it if their brain develops the way it's /supposed/ to.

Anyways, I agree with @Candy that you are overlooking all the details to try and shrug off the obvious signs that polyamory is not all that natural for a primate species. Genetically we may be most closely related to Chimpanzees who are quite promiscuous, but /socially/ we are almost exclusively like Gorillas. Chimpanzees truly are fine with it, they don't exhibit jealous and use sexual relations as peace offerings. Humans literally never do that. Gorillas on the other hand are highly exclusive, except the Alpha who does tend to get an abundance of females. Amongst the non-alphas you see what looks like Human behavior almost 1 for 1, there is some semblance of promiscuity but it comes in the form of a female upgrading for a superior male. If a female is already taken and another male wants her, he will challenge her current mate to prove he is stronger. This is pretty much like human Cheating.

The statistics show that among humans, Men are more likely to cheat and be promiscuous if they are good looking and high status. Women on the other hand it's the opposite, more likely to cheat the less attractive they are. This makes sense if we are identical to the Gorilla and the most superior male attracts the most females, and the unattractive women are percieving a wider range of men as "superior". A good looking and high status female, almost ironically has /less/ options. Because her options aren't based around desperation/whoever is interested in her, but rather based around the best viable mate she can achieve. The "Queens" of society, will percieve an elite top of men, as /worthy/ of her.

But this probably also means a high status woman is /highly/ likely to cheat, if she does end up with someone that she didn't initially percieve as inferior to her. But is later revealed to be inferior.

This pretty much sums up human polyamory and promiscuity. While it does seem that somewhere along the line, promiscuity and polyamory becomes "natural" in the sense that it's "part of the process". It is most certianly not a natural end goal. It is obvious that all of this only further highlights how humans are designed to find that 1 mate who is their equal. It's vastly more common for cheating situations where a person is hypocritically willing to sleep around, while believing that because they see the other person as inferior, that they think that person should be desperate enough to stay loyal to them. Than it is for full on polyamorous relationships.

It's much more likely and much more "natural" that a person is going to just pretend like they are loyal in 1 breath, while sleeping around and trying to find an upgrade in the other.

Not to mention that among polyamorous situations, it is most interestingly that 1 sided harems are much more stable than /mutual/ polyamory. Situations like Hugh Hefner. Rather than situations where both people get to sleep around.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

@*InfiniteLightvoid* 

As usual, you make up your own "facts", construct strawman arguments of them and run off to wherever your biases take you. Have fun.

Marv out.

Oh, and @*Candy* - I don't actually advocate polyamoury, just to avoid misunderstandings. It's like BDSM to me - a niche only a few are interested in. If they can make it work, power to them. If not, they're welcome back to vanilla, lol.


----------



## InfiniteLightvoid

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> As usual, you make up your own "facts", construct strawman arguments of them and run off to wherever your biases take you. Have fun.
> 
> Marv out.


Evolutionary facts, biological facts, etc. These are not made up, you're a laymen trying to make assertions about evolutionary nature without a modicum of scientific understanding. You're literally just pulling shit out of your own ass because you think you're entitled to form opinions on just anything you want without any facts period. You're not even making up facts, because you don't even cite any facts or logic to back up your claims. You JUST make claims, without ANY evidence whatsoever.

Everything I said, is real 100% scientifically confirmed fact and 100% irrefutable logical deducation.

The fact of the matter is, what Candy said is the actual facts. That it's SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN, that people who sleep around are just what is refered to as Sex Addicts, whom have a damaged or underdeveloped Prefrontal Cortex. Meaning they are no different from a rapist, drug addict, murderer, or gambler. Hence why you were inclined to make the comparison of Psychopaths, because those sorts of deviations all stem from the same physiological problem.

That they are just too impulsive, they lack the conscious free will to be able to resist the urge. Which isn't natural for humans, as we are supposed to have a better developed prefrontal cortex and be able to control it.

Just shrugging off what is scientifically proven to be /brain damage/, is the making up of facts. That's you, dude.


----------



## Cherry

InfiniteLightvoid said:


> Anyways, I agree with @Candy that you are overlooking all the details to try and shrug off the obvious signs that polyamory is not all that natural for a primate species.


Ohhhhkay, hold up a minute. Sure, it's fine that you agree with me -- but don't put words in my mouth. I didn't say _any_ of that to Marvin.


----------



## Cherry

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> @Candy - I don't actually advocate polyamoury, just to avoid misunderstandings. It's like BDSM to me - a niche only a few are interested in. If they can make it work, power to them. If not, they're welcome back to vanilla, lol.


There's no misunderstanding, don't worry - I didn't think you advocated it, I just thought we were exploring the topic.


----------



## InfiniteLightvoid

Candy said:


> Ohhhhkay, hold up a minute. Sure, it's fine that you agree with me -- but don't put words in my mouth. I didn't say _any_ of that to Marvin.


Lmao WHAT? That's pretty much exactly what you said:

"You know, there are a lot of things I'm open minded to -- but I'm really not sure I agree with this. It just doesn't seem to ring true to my intuition. *I've met those kind of people, and I've gotta say - there's a distinct correlation of a lack of self control, selfish-ness and maybe even hedonism in their personality.*"

Boom, aka damaged/underdeveloped Prefontal Cortex. That's exactly what makes someone "lack self control, be selfish, and have hedonism/impulsiveness." That's exactly what the scientific explanation is for that. You're just speaking of an intuition that details this scientific fact without consciously realizing it.

"I am quite sure *no matter how much they deny it, jealousy would still play a part*."

Boom, aka it's not in people's nature because Jealousy is a natural emotion and imperative that inclines us towards Monogamy. Saying polyamory is natural knowing this little detail, would be like sayin it's healthy for people to repress their anger. But then someone shoots up a school, and suddenly we don't think that way anymore. People aren't MEANT to bottle up their anger, and aren't meant to behave according to what that leads to. Just like people aren't MEANT to ignore jealousy and pretend like they are meant to be with multiple people at once.

Jealousy /is/ the "Monogamy Instinct". It proves that we are MEANT to be Monogamous.

@Marvin the Dendroid


----------



## Wisteria

He's avoiding me so much and it's getting really stupid. Literally uses his friends and hides behind them whenever he notices me in the vicinity. Seeing someone be so cowardly and avoidant is such a turn off. I don't feel so bad for him trying to disappear from my life now because it would be so frustrating in a relationship. It's just got to that point where I can't do anything to help either, because he made it impossible. Why did I like someone who was so sleazy and half-assed..It's no wonder he hasn't been in a long term relationship. I don't know why i've been crying over him for these past couple of weeks. How do I rid myself of these feelings? D:

I wonder if I will ever meet someone who puts in real time and effort to pursue me, and actually communicates in a straightforward and honest way. Oh and actually doesn't have commitment issues or something. Is that too much to ask? Hmm


----------



## Denature

Wisteria said:


> I wonder if I will ever meet someone who puts in real time and effort to pursue me, and actually communicates in a straightforward and honest way. Oh and actually doesn't have commitment issues or something. Is that too much to ask? Hmm


I'm curious, what constitutes "pursue me" and "commitment issues"?

For example, if a guy likes you do you expect him to just come out and say it?

By commitment issues, do you mean that if he isn't exclusive to you then he has commitment issues?


----------



## Wisteria

Denature said:


> I'm curious, what constitutes "pursue me" and "commitment issues"?
> 
> For example, if a guy likes you do you expect him to just come out and say it?
> 
> By commitment issues, do you mean that if he isn't exclusive to you then he has commitment issues?


No by commitment issues I mean a general lack of commitment. They don't put in time and effort, and are reluctant about taking the relationship further. 

I don't expect them to outright say it if they're not sure but you can show interest by asking me out, striking up a conversation, and many other gestures. I don't think some people realise that words aren't the only way to express yourself.


----------



## Cherry

Denature said:


> if a guy likes you do you expect him to just come out and say it?


That would be a dream actually :heart:
(if he is someone who I want to 'like' me)


----------



## Denature

Candy said:


> That would be a dream actually :heart:
> (*if he is someone who I want to 'like' me*)


Haha, well how would he know that? I've heard that your type (xNFPs) can be quite flirty, but in a way that it's hard to tell if it's romantic or platonic.


----------



## Cherry

Denature said:


> Haha, well how would he know that? I've heard that your type (xNFPs) can be quite flirty, but in a way that it's hard to tell if it's romantic or platonic.


He doesn't have to know it - he can risk it. 
Life involves some risks. Do you know how many times I've been rejected? At least I can say I tried, and now I don't have to wonder 'what if', "NO RAGRETS"


----------



## Denature

Candy said:


> He doesn't have to know it - he can risk it.
> Life involves some risks. Do you know how many times I've been rejected? At least I can say I tried, and now I don't have to wonder 'what if', "NO RAGRETS"


No REGERTS.


----------



## Cherry

Denature said:


> Haha, well how would he know that? I've heard that your type (xNFPs) can be quite flirty, but in a way that it's hard to tell if it's romantic or platonic.


I don't flirt with people I don't like/am not interested in, personally!
Be playful, maybe... but flirt. Heck, do I even flirt at all? :shocked:
Hehe

Edit: I just realised I do/have been a little bit flirty, on here and recently with my crush IRL -- but that's cos it's good pratcise!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHH


----------



## Cherry

Denature said:


> No REGERTS.


No RUGRATS


----------



## Lonewaer

Candy said:


> He doesn't have to know it - he can risk it.
> Life involves some risks. Do you know how many times I've been rejected? At least I can say I tried, and now I don't have to wonder 'what if', "NO RAGRETS"


The current climate is different than it was years ago though. It has changed to the point many men do not want to risk it anymore. The risk is not just "being rejected", sadly. Now it is *also* a gamble on "will I get reported/"outed" for harassment or not ?".

I was already doing that because I'm kinda naturally like that, but now it is a very conscious choice to not risk anything with women. It's really become dangerous for men to "take the risk". We're arriving into an era where women will have to clearly voice their interests for their prospects where a few years ago they just had to bat an eye, touch their hair, and wait.


----------



## Kyandigaru

I am totally aware that men cant be mono unless they make a consious effort. other than that, poly all the way...


----------



## Typical ENFJ

InfiniteLightvoid said:


> Lmao WHAT? That's pretty much exactly what you said:
> 
> "You know, there are a lot of things I'm open-minded to -- but I'm really not sure I agree with this. It just doesn't seem to ring true to my intuition. *I've met those kind of people, and I've gotta say - there's a distinct correlation of a lack of self control, selfish-ness and maybe even hedonism in their personality.*"
> 
> Boom, aka damaged/underdeveloped Prefontal Cortex. That's exactly what makes someone "lack self control, be selfish, and have hedonism/impulsiveness." That's exactly what the scientific explanation is for that. You're just speaking of an intuition that details this scientific fact without consciously realizing it.
> 
> "I am quite sure *no matter how much they deny it, jealousy would still play a part*."
> 
> Boom, aka it's not in people's nature because Jealousy is a natural emotion and imperative that inclines us towards Monogamy. Saying polyamory is natural knowing this little detail, would be like sayin it's healthy for people to repress their anger. But then someone shoots up a school, and suddenly we don't think that way anymore. People aren't MEANT to bottle up their anger, and aren't meant to behave according to what that leads to. Just like people aren't MEANT to ignore jealousy and pretend like they are meant to be with multiple people at once.
> 
> Jealousy /is/ the "Monogamy Instinct". It proves that we are MEANT to be Monogamous.
> 
> @Marvin the Dendroid


I think monogamy has more to do with culture than it does biology/psychology. Many other intelligent animals, like crows, formed monogamous norms. As long as you feel it doesn't that make it real? I think your thinking of love as a math problem not as an emotion which is acceptable for many open-minded people so no need to worry.

About 1/3 people feel that their ideal relationships are polygamous but think about the cases that would ensue if we didn't have monogamy. We wouldn't have a mother or father to pick you up after school, teach you, raise you, hold your hand while they're drawing blood from you at the hospital, whatever.

What's important is that you shouldn't have the right to tell people that their feelings are based on envy. A feeling most people I've talked to don't experience. 

I might be wrong but you might not feel the kind of connection most people get with just a single person. Even if you're right that monogamy just envious illusion it feels real to me so I'm going to keep believing in it.


----------



## Typical ENFJ

Kyandigaru said:


> I am totally aware that men cant be mono unless they make a consious effort. other than that, poly all the way...


I don't make an effort at all. I believe monogamy the best type of relationship you can get and I have not a reason to lose my ideal relationship with just one other person. A deep loving connection between only two people is what I wish for the most and classifying entire sex as following one belief system is impossible to do. I want something life long that can last without interruption.


----------



## InfiniteLightvoid

Typical ENFJ said:


> I think monogamy has more to do with culture than it does biology/psychology.


That's ass backwards, Monogamy stems as far back as the caveman days according to scientific evidence and by your own admittance /animals/ exhibit monogamous tendencies which Animals don't... have culture? So what the fuck? Animals are just mindlessly running off instinct, aka biology/psychology.



> Many other intelligent animals, like crows, formed monogamous norms.


Intelligent animal is a contradictory statement, there's no such thing. It's not the same as human intelligence, and while they have complex social patterns... they don't have cultures or any of that and lack any free will or conscious awareness.



> As long as you feel it doesn't that make it real?


Not really? Serial killers feel that it's okay to kill people, does their feelings make them right? Lolno. As explained people who cheat clearly exhibit 1 of 2 branches of psychological and physiological differences, which is either that they exhibit Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or they have a damaged prefrontal cortex and thus can't control themselves. The former example explains people who cheat explicitly out of malicious intent, some people cheat to "cuckold" the other person and to hurt them to make themselves feel better and feel more powerful and more "Valuable". The case of the later deals more with the average cheater who just sleeps around without necessarily intending to hurt the other person and even often feeling guilt over it.



> About 1/3 people feel that their ideal relationships are polygamous but think about the cases that would ensue if we didn't have monogamy. We wouldn't have a mother or father to pick you up after school, teach you, raise you, hold your hand while they're drawing blood from you at the hospital, whatever.


Except, you're forgetting that what you just described is an /Evolutionary Motive/. Too often do people to try reflect upon a lot of what humans do based on /conscious motive/. This is why SJW Feminists think there is a patriachy out to get them, rather than realizing that gender norms and roles and language simply developed naturally without any sort of deliberate motive on anyone's part. Same for Red Pill Reddit dudes and the Male perspective of the species' social rules.

Point is, what you just said explains why it would be more than just social/cultural/psychological, but rather in fact /genetic/ too.



> What's important is that you shouldn't have the right to tell people that their feelings are based on envy. A feeling most people I've talked to don't experience.


Well I hate to break it to you, but even Chimpanzees exhibit an understanding of Fairness and feel jealousy. Why WOULDN'T you feel envious when you're being treated as secondary? There's a word for that, it's called Cuck, and nobody sees it as a good thing. It's being the loser, and embracing being such. Nobody wants that, we all want to be treated as if we are 1 and only, because we have the Spark of God within us called Ego.



> I might be wrong but you might not feel the kind of connection most people get with just a single person. Even if you're right that monogamy just envious illusion it feels real to me so I'm going to keep believing in it.


What, I'm not saying monogamy is illusion? I'm saying it's the natural default and that in order to undertake Polygamy, you have to go against human nature. Unless maybe, some people are kind of like Psychopaths in that they just biologically are incapable of that 1 emotion. Which is totally possible, but would technically be considered /a disorder/.

Polygamy isn't morally wrong among consensual adults, but I think it's hilarious when people act like less /pure/ forms of love are equal to a superior form of love. I fully believe that Polygamy is for the ambivalent, and Monogamy is for True Love. You can't really compare the 2, 1 puts sex before love, and the other puts love before sex.

I just hate that Polygamists refuse to admit that monogamous love /is more powerful and meaningful/.


----------



## Wisteria

Wisteria said:


> I don't expect them to outright say it if they're not sure but you can show interest by asking me out, striking up a conversation, and many other gestures. I don't think some people realise that words aren't the only way to express yourself.


Just want to clarify this part a little, I think some things really should be said in any kind of relationship. If someone isn't willing to talk about the status of a relationship then it's probably a really bad sign. And expecting someone to pick up on non verbal cues might not always be a great idea because some people are great at noticing it  Like me.


----------



## Mone

We have been through alot...

Some may judge us, me and him, some may admire our strenght. 

All in all this is the bond I used to think did not exist.


----------



## Veggie

Went out with LA dude. After a couple drinks I started swearing he looked just like an Armenian Adam Scott. He was cute though. And I womaned up and wore this flattering dress I bought a while ago that's just been sitting in my closet. It makes my boobs look enormous, but it's a casual fabric and long sleeved so not too thotish. Decided to channel my inner Kim K in honor of his heritage and put a little more on display. Lol. I got stares, but nothing too judgy or lecherous so I think I did it right. 

He's a unicorn in that he's 36 and doesn't have children. Paid for the date, was easy to talk to, and made me feel protected. That protection vibe is hard to define but it attracts me more than just about anything and it's somewhat rare.

He Ted Mosby-ed me a bit at the end tho. Said he was falling when we made out. And I don't think it was just an attempt to get in my pants because he took me home but didn't wanna come inside cus he wanted to do things "right." He was drunk tho. And I'm pretty sure he's rebounding (the unicorns always are, le sigh) so I'm wondering if that sorta factored into that decision too secretly.

Been texting and supposed to hang again later this week...

In getting to know myself better I actually like when someone comes on strong initially. A slow burn and playing it cool is a death sentence. That's my role. Lol. But it does still freak me out a lil bit too and not entirely sure how to balance those feelings.


----------



## temptingthesea

During Valentine's, ex asked me if I was happy and spry that time because it was Valentine's.
Looking back, was that a trick question? :laughing:


----------



## FeliciteM

I've been trying to convince myself that I don't love him but yesterday I finally accepted it. Damn, this feels way too good.


----------



## Crowbo

I can't flirt to save my life XD


----------



## knife

I spent Valentine's Day with an SO for the first time in ... uhhh ... six years? last weekend and it was _amazing._

It's hard to explain how, but I feel almost as if our physical and intellectual passions are two sides of the same coin.


----------



## Blazkovitz

I think French kissing is gross. Anybody agrees?


----------



## FeliciteM

RoseTylerFan said:


> I think French kissing is gross. Anybody agrees?


Nope :laughing:


----------



## Lonewaer

RoseTylerFan said:


> I think French kissing is gross. Anybody agrees?


You would refuse to french kiss Rose Tyler ?


----------



## Suntide

RoseTylerFan said:


> I think French kissing is gross. Anybody agrees?


I think all kissing in general is pretty gross. Does that count?


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

RoseTylerFan said:


> I think French kissing is gross. Anybody agrees?


I don't find it gross, just logistically complicated and not particularly stimulating. To me, just lips feels nicer.


----------



## Cherry

RoseTylerFan said:


> I think French kissing is gross. Anybody agrees?


no

only if the person is gross


----------



## Firelily

i confess 
i confess
i confess 

.........................................................................................................


----------



## Veggie

I officially feel like I suck at being a woman. I'm not sure when I became the grisly old man who does sh*t like rip out IV's and jump from hospital windows at heart, but apparently that person is occupying some inner real estate for sure.

This guy struck up a convo with me when I was grabbing lunch earlier this week. Sorta surfer bro looking dude who just moved here from Hawaii. He declared me a "deep diver" of life, lol, based on first impressions, and we got philosophical and stuff, went to the deep end talking for a few hours or so. I actually wonder if he's an INFJ. I'm not sure if I've ever met an INFJ male in person before. He was big into vibes and trying to read people from initial encounters. He told me that I have calm even keel energy with a splash of wild child, and that I probably simultaneously put people at ease but on edge, which can be disorienting. Like they fear a metaphorical punch from nowhere. I told him that most of the time I feel like I'm the one getting metaphorical sucker punches. His advice was to learn the metaphorical bob and weave. lol. To expect it and to know thyself rather than feel blindsided with the what did I do or wut seriously? hurt feels. 

He did the whole "do you know who you look like" thing too, and it was oddly specific, which is funny, because that's usually how I do it also. He declared me a mixture of Brooke Shields and Liv Tyler, but also somehow Pam from the Office and Maggie Gyllenhaal in Batman. Hmm. That's all new. lol. 

He told me what he moved here for, and I learned that we had this very ironic connection given some things that have happened recently, so when he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else to grab a beer I followed my synchronicity rule and agreed. 

And okay. I just don't get how life is fair lately. After all of the stupid, dangerous things I've done in my life, I swear I've never been in more trouble than I have been recently when I'm legitimately trying to do better, be safer, more responsible. And succeeding a good bit of the time. But those set backs - damn, they are Set Backs. 

I've always had a tendency to be a bit of a klutz and now I'm starting to wonder if it's gonna do me in. It's not, like, rom-com cute, it's more like Natasha Lyonne in Russian Doll. Recently binge watched that and loved it, but did feel a little uncomfortable thinking - that's prob how I'm gonna go. Get hit by a car crossing the street or by falling down the stairs or something. 

I slipped and busted my a$$ when we got there. And when I say my a$$ I actually mean my head. Like hard, and wide open. At first I'm more embarrassed than anything until I realize that everyone around me is freaking out. I reach back and look at my hand and it's just covered in blood. But rather than instantly go to - uh oh girl, you might die... all I could think about was how I don't have health insurance. Someone called an ambulance but I absolutely refused to go with the EMT's since a ride alone is thousands of dollars outside of ER bills, and they just gave up and wrapped my head, told the poor dude I was with to keep an eye on me. So this guy leaves with a woman he just met who looks like a wounded Civil War soldier exiting the battlefield.

Majestically his dad's a doctor, and he calls him for advice. He spends the night with me, isn't trying to take advantage of me, checking to make sure that I'm not concuss, that the blood is the right color and stopping when it should, etc. The next morning we decide that I'm probably fine, despite the fact that I'd just bled out easily more than I ever have in my life. My (favorite :dry shirt is soaked in blood. But hey, lots of blood vessels in the head and even minor cuts can bleed profusely. I wash the matted clumps of blood out of my hair, run everything under water for a while, but am careful not to dig too close to my scalp. Neither one of us ever get a good look at the cut. Which is just so, so stupid. But I'm thinking well, the bleeding stopped, it really doesn't hurt that bad, and if I need stitches but don't get them, whatever, I'll just have a bad scar on the back of my head that no one will ever see. I'll drive myself to the doctor if I decide it's needed but otherwise, let's just go into denial mode and pretend it didn't happen and then maybe the body will follow suit with the mind and I'll just, like... get away with it?

So then I guess in retrospect the plan was to not keep a close eye on it and to only seek medical attention once it inevitably got infected. Avoidance is now beginning to threaten my life.

The burning localized the pain though, so I'm able to dig through my tons of hair and find the laceration last night. I almost have a panic attack at the sight of it. Still struggling with the health insurance dilemma and vanity concerns like what if they shave part of my head, but I can't rationalize running around with a hole in my head - this thing looks more like a minor puncture wound than a simple laceration - so I go to the hospital. They shoot a bunch of saline and what not into it and give me another ridiculous bandage, tell me to see a wound specialist. I'm prepared this time with a hat. (Oy, and give me antibiotics :crying: I haven't taken them in well over a decade. RIP all of that good intestinal flora I've built). 

And gah, because my priorities are demonstrably warped, all I can think about is how this effects my love life. Armenian LA dude has been texting me multiple times a day trying to set up another date. He knows I hurt myself and he's being nice about it - was totally fine with me cancelling twice. Hawaii dude is texting a lot too. This isn't like - I bought you a lobster dinner and you owe me or something. It's like - I made sure you didn't die while you bled everywhere. How do you even approach that with - idk, the chemistry just wasn't quite there? Or, it's early, let's just go with the flow. I have gotten so deep with these First dates, and now I don't know what to do. If I am a "deep diver" I'm beginning to despise that quality. And there's still this dude I have been talking to for a while who I'm pretty sure just gave up on me. It's been one thing after another. He was trying to get together just about every night at one point, but I was volunteering somewhere until 4 am, also every night, and couldn't. Now I'm supposed to avoid washing my hair for a couple days and stuff. That mighta just been a booty thing though. Wondering if I'll ever know.


----------



## knife

I like composing dirty poems for my SO. :tongue:


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

knife said:


> I like composing dirty poems for my SO. :tongue:


This is more sensual than dirty, but I've always liked it ... from a poetry forum I'm a member of, not mine.


* *





I will gently kiss "I love you"
Upon every inch of glistened, scented skin
Unlock the myriad gentle aching sighs of soft desires and hidden needs within
And take those kisses downwards
Unhurried in their travel to your core
And let them dance and work their wonders 
Like blissful waves upon your sacred moistened shore.

I will gently kiss "I love you"
Wherever your mind wishes it to be
From dreamspun lips to graceful neck to breasts to legs
And everything between
Then stay there for a lifetime as I learn to move in sequence with your hips
My breath, my teeth, my tongue in worship and in rhythm with your fingertips.

I will gently kiss "I love you"
In secret places only I will know
In total adoration of a place inside you only I will go
And when your honeyed thighs are singing and your shore is lost beneath those crashing waves
I will start again and measure my devotion not in hours but in days.

I will gently kiss "I love you"
Until your mound of Venus knows of nothing else
And spent and blissful perspiration dew-like gathers round the glistened, trembling delf
And when at last to sleep you forfeit all the pleasures I have grace and wit to slake
I will gently kiss "I love you"
And gently kiss "I love you"
And I will gently kiss "I love you" till you wake.


----------



## temptingthesea

knife said:


> I like composing dirty poems for my SO. :tongue:


You're such a talented, smexy poet! :shocked:


----------



## Firelily

i hate being touched by people unless i am very close to them. 

i'm not sure why personal touch is so hard for me, but when people other than my family or those i'm very close to touch me i feel like i'm in a cage and have to break free.


----------



## Crowbo

There's a lot of sexual fantasies that I'd be interested in trying.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

I have a fair few sexual fantasies I'd rather never try.


----------



## Cherry

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> I have a fair few sexual fantasies I'd rather never try.


why not?


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Candy said:


> why not?


They mostly involve more than two people, and I struggle to handle even just one partner. Increased risk for STDs. Heck, increased risk for everything. Potential real-life consequences I wouldn't want to live with. Se goes "that would be fun!" and Ni goes "...and then XYZ would happen", and Ti goes "...yeah, pass".


----------



## Cherry

Hahaha couldn't you have said all that without even referring to the "functions?" The sentence would still make sense replacing all that with "I"... people... I tell ya 


Marvin the Dendroid said:


> They mostly involve more than two people, and I struggle to handle even just one partner. Increased risk for STDs. Heck, increased risk for everything. Potential real-life consequences I wouldn't want to live with. Se goes "that would be fun!" and Ni goes "...and then XYZ would happen", and Ti goes "...yeah, pass".


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Candy said:


> Hahaha couldn't you have said all that without even referring to the "functions?" The sentence would still make sense replacing all that with "I"... people... I tell ya


That's what the process fees like in my brain, lol. One party advocates one course of action, another opposes it, there's a vote and generally no action ensues :laughing:

It's generally the same with looks/personality ... "Se" prefers things that "Fe" and "Ti" don't agree with, so Se is left liking bodies sans brains and the rest are left liking brains sans bodies, lol.


----------



## Cherry

Hahah hmm. I can understand that. 
Again, I'm shocked you even have fantasies. You come across so innocent! 


Marvin the Dendroid said:


> That's what the process fees like in my brain, lol. One party advocates for one course of action, another opposes it, there's a vote and generally no action ensues :laughing:


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Candy said:


> Hahah hmm. I can understand that.
> Again, I'm shocked you even have fantasies. You come across so innocent!


I have no idea where you pull this innocent stuff from, miss :tongue: My fantasy is as dirty as anyone's (not including peeing and scat and weird stuff like that), and I once spent a couple years living on the outskirts of a "tantra" community - observing, not getting involved myself. Talking to people and observing their "workshops" and whatnot. Wishing STDs didn't exist, lol.

I'm highly curious, but I dislike getting my hands (and genitals) dirty.


----------



## Veggie

LA dude sent a selfie and in this one he looks barely like Adam Scott and almost exactly like Justin Theroux. Has me kinda nervous for tonight. Finally meeting up again. Guy photographs quite well.

And why is it that one of the most genuinely nice and not "nice" guys I've gone out with reminds me of these actors who have played all of these literal demon and douchebag characters. lol. ...though Adam Scott in Parks and Rec is very convincingly lovable. 

He seems really layered and I am admittedly intrigued. He tried to make me feel better about my head by telling a story about how he lost teeth getting whacked in the face playing hockey. My eyes became hearts. lol. I'm into supposedly masculine crap like that and I cant help it as much as I try.

What if I actually found the guy who should be the douchebag but isn't in my here town. That would be very exciting.


----------



## Tropes

...Was slightly disappointed to find out Lindsay Shepherd is now engaged and pregnant 
*Crosses off mini-celeb fantasy*


----------



## Veggie

Last night was interesting. Docs advised against messing with my hair too much so I let it air dry and then decided to go full on Sarah Jessica Parker ala Sex and the City and just froof it up big since its naturally curly.

Felt kinda insecure going less than polished since I felt like the anticipation was high at this point, but my Uber driver was this adorable woman who gave me a pep talk lol. And the Sex and the City association was kinda fun. 

Not really entirely sure what's with all of this somewhat fantastical association lately, but maybe its attempting to step in and create romanticism where it isnt quite there. But then I've noticed that this association thing is an ongoing habit of mine regardless of feels. And it's not like I'm alone. People do it to me too.

But yea. Not entirely sure if we're on the same page romantically yet. I want to be. Dude made me breakfast in bed and stuff. Said he wanted to know everything about me - are you sure? lol. Yes. So I told some stories I dont usually tell dates. Has this in control dominant quality and yet I still feel like I can be completely honest and myself with him. 

He's very heart on his sleeve still but at least he's funny and self aware about it. He declared me really hard to crack alternatively. I admitted that I want the relationship but I dont know how to get there, that it has to feel right or no dice. Then he told me that he was just a little girl asking a little boy to love her xD

Regardless of what happens it's nice being this honest with someone so full of reassurance lol.


----------



## Albatross

I need absolute love. I know I won't settle for less. 
I don't need the guy to be some perfect person. I want that person to have flaws, to be human.
I crave for a true, honest and completing connection. 
But on the other hand, I fear emotional intimacy so much. And I feel insecure, will someone ever love me even slightly ?


----------



## FeliciteM

There are friends close to me that are convinced I ask guys if they have issues before I date them and only date them if they do. Somehow I've dated not one, not two, but three different guys that have adoption history/troubles with their dads. It's not like I ask them for their parental history before I date them and I have a great relationship with my dad! :laughing:


----------



## Veggie

I miss the little text pings. I broke it off with him early Friday. Band dude did pop back up with some persistence again so we hung out earlier this week. I hope he doesn't think I was being shady. I legitimately did have a bunch of volunteering and what not that I had to do, and I really was extremely paranoid after bleeding out from my freaking head. The doctor gave me the all clear and you don't really even need to schedule a follow up on Monday though, so. 

That conversation seemed like it was veering into "so what's, like, going on?" too, but I did a mission abort. Did not feel like the time yet, whichever way it goes. 

No need to really romanticize anything there though, and it just kinda brought into perspective that I really didn't feel the way I should about this other thing, whether I wanted to or not.


----------



## Forest Nymph

I missed him while he was at his parents house in SoCal and I literally saw him walking on the street as I was also walking somewhere, so we walked together after I called out to him. In a few more days he'll go to Asia for a week, so we're supposed to hang out on Thursday. Then I stood and talked to him as long as I could before I turned to leave to get to my destination, and we hugged, and I was pleasantly surprised he just naturally turned his head and kissed me good-bye in public in broad daylight when we live in a small town. 

I really want this to be a long-term relationship. I wonder if he wants that too. It's too soon to ask though. I want him to say it.


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

I'm the only person who gets to insult the person I love. ��
When other people insult the person I like, I get really angry. Because its like they _only_ think about the negative aspects of that person. And they probably hate that person. 

And I insult in a teasing way but seriously. If there's something about somebody that's damaging to themselves that's when you have a chat.

(This rule generally applies to friends and family also.)


----------



## Schlinky

He hurts and I hate it. I can feel his pain in the way he articulates himself and I'm left in a state of feeling a need to protect him and complete lack of any ability to do anything about it. Strangely enough it seems that all he needs is to feel like someone has his back. He's kinda stoic like that.
Ugh, I just need to close the distance, physically and spiritually.


----------



## Firelily

Schlinky said:


> He hurts and I hate it. I can feel his pain in the way he articulates himself and I'm left in a state of feeling a need to protect him and complete lack of any ability to do anything about it. Strangely enough it seems that all he needs is to feel like someone has his back. He's kinda stoic like that.
> Ugh, I just need to close the distance, physically and spiritually.


U sound so distressed. I hope everything is ok. I know nothing about ur situation but I have been in one that sounds similar to what you are saying.


----------



## Firelily

well after a year of dating Asmodaes he and i are finally now longer talking. its odd not having him around to talk to but the relationship wasnt awesome so its best that its over. I wish you well Asmo or should i say Mr Nitely

I want to say thank you for all the lovely support we got from everyone on here 
:heart:


----------



## Schlinky

Firelily said:


> U sound so distressed. I hope everything is ok. I know nothing about ur situation but I have been in one that sounds similar to what you are saying.


I'm just feeling somewhat helpless and a little distressed at not being able to offer him anything of much use beyond words given our present physical distance.
Watching a beloved ENTJ in distress is not fun when he's normally the strong one. It just needs to run its course.


----------



## Firelily

Schlinky said:


> I'm just feeling somewhat helpless and a little distressed at not being able to offer him anything of much use beyond words given our present physical distance.
> Watching a beloved ENTJ in distress is not fun when he's normally the strong one. It just needs to run its course.


i understand completely, I have just spend a year feeling just like that supporting someone. I do hope it all works out soon and he can move on with what ever the issue is :heart:


----------



## Crowbo

I sometimes ponder if it's impossible for me to fall in love but know that most likely isn't true


----------



## knife

Crowbo said:


> I sometimes ponder if it's impossible for me to fall in love but know that most likely isn't true


You just have to find the right kind of girl. Like a Psychic-type waifu:


----------



## Forest Nymph

I made a guy have a panic attack last night. You messed with the wrong woman, homeskillet.

I'm so nice. I'm so fun. I'm so sexy. Guys think I'm going to be chill and be so casual. I'm too nice actually when I legit like someone, because I'm not a sociopath. Then they gon' learn.

And they always come back to me. ALWAYS. ALWAYS.

My Argentina guy didn't stop texting me until after I had been away from LA for almost a year and a half. Didn't want to commit while I was there, but nope, not trying to let me move on with my life.

I. swear. to. fucking. god.

Only women from now on. I'll have to find a strong passionate woman who isn't afraid to use a strap-on, I guess.


----------



## Forest Nymph

No, really, and the rich guy/pseudo-sugar daddy I had who was my own fucking age who I saw on and off for several years in LA who KNEW I was moving up North, who actively encouraged me to enroll into the uni I finished my degree at, straight up tried to tell me he wanted to cook dinner for me and make love to me oh like three weeks before I left LA. 

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried! My default button now is bitch. Hi, Mister, how are you? My name is Psycho Bitch, buy me things, follow me around, I won't even say thank you.


----------



## Eu_citzen

She broke up with me. I'm still processing, though no harsh feelings. It was good while it lasted.
It's part of the risks we take. *shrugs*

I hope she'll be ready someday to be friends again. I'd like that.
Take care, miss.


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

Hmmmm. ESTJ perfect match? NO. They can stick that micromanagement shit up their arse.

View attachment 820583


----------



## Euclid

Creator 22 said:


> I'm the only person who gets to insult the person I love. ��
> When other people insult the person I like, I get really angry. Because its like they _only_ think about the negative aspects of that person. And they probably hate that person.


That's harsh... I prefer to have all my channels open but most of them heavily firewalled except for the person I love who then get to hurt me rather easily.


----------



## Red Panda

Creator 22 said:


> Hmmmm. ESTJ perfect match? NO. They can stick that micromanagement shit up their arse.
> 
> View attachment 820583


these tables are beyond retarded
but this is what happens when people make up shit in their heads and not take the time to check in with reality


----------



## DudeGuy

How To End A Crush In 8 Texts.


----------



## temptingthesea

SO keeps beating me at Tetris and much as I want to be frustrated, I find that I actually can't because I also keep getting turned on by him and his top-notch Tetris skills


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I, like many, am a little bitch for ExTP men. 

It's just nice to every now and then meet men who know how to guide the conversation and assert themselves. I hate having to lead; I'm just good at it.


----------



## FeliciteM

For reasons that neither of us can change - my ENTJ is moving away. Since we had not officially taken the step from friendship to lovers we parted ways today. I was in tears and so was he. I wasn't sure if we truly loved each other or just had amazing chemistry, but, given the fact that we both are grieving, I think it's safe to say we did. We'll keep in touch but we both know that this is the ending of a truly beautiful beginning.


----------



## Monadnock

Women demonstrating strong romantic jealousy, such as in this meme, is rather hot.


----------



## Denature

Monadnock said:


> Women demonstrating strong romantic jealousy, such as in this meme, is rather hot.


Is it _romantic_ though? Would it really be her love for you that's motivating her in this case? I think not.


----------



## Monadnock

Denature said:


> Is it _romantic_ though? Would it really be her love for you that's motivating her in this case? I think not.


It has to be taken as less-than-totally-literal for best effect.


----------



## Denature

Monadnock said:


> It has to be taken as less-than-totally-literal for best effect.


There are many motivations for jealousy and protectiveness. I'm not sure if love is one of those.


----------



## Monadnock

Denature said:


> There are many motivations for jealousy and protectiveness. I'm not sure if love is one of those.


Dang dude, for someone with Orpheus as his avatar you are being wayyy unromantic. How disappointing.


----------



## Lonewaer

Monadnock said:


> Women demonstrating strong romantic jealousy, such as in this meme, is rather hot.


That is not at all how "strong romantic jealousy" manifests itself. The person at fault in their eyes, it not the other girl, it's their man. And it is not hot. Jealousy is not hot, as a general rule.


----------



## Wisteria

Lonewaer said:


> That is not at all how "strong romantic jealousy" manifests itself. The person at fault in their eyes, it not the other girl, it's their man. And it is not hot. Jealousy is not hot, as a general rule.


I think he meant an innocent kind of jealously like when a girl acts too friendly with him, rather than when their man is disrespectfully showing an interest in another girl or a girl being possessively jealous or paranoid. It's hot if someone is jealous because it can show that they actually want and desire you. If an SO seems totally unfazed when you get close to someone of the opposite sex then it's not a good sign.


----------



## Wisteria

This is a summary of how my last relationship was; 




















....











(posting memes about my pain makes me feel better)


----------



## Euclid

Jealousy gets a bad rap, but is something very natural. Just need to tame that green eyed monster, so it doesn't go full yandere. It is otherwise, a healthy incentive to keep what is yours.


----------



## Denature

Wisteria said:


> If an SO seems totally unfazed when you get close to someone of the opposite sex then it's not a good sign.


Or a sign that they really trust you.

Someone has to take responsibility:

1. The person engaging in the action needs to have the foresight and respect for their SO's feelings and not get close to a person of the opposite sex.

or

2. The SO needs to be protective/jealous and establish boundaries.

The problem with #1 is that you're walking on eggshells having to sacrifice out of love for your partner (which isn't necessarily bad until you start to resent your SO because you've sacrificed too much).
The problem with #2 is that now, the SO is held responsible for keeping you in line. They are put into the position of father/mother and now they can't respect you because you need to be treated like a child who doesn't know any better.

The best option is that both people take responsibility for their actions. This means that both people come together, establish boundaries and show genuine concern for the others' feelings. This also means that once these boundaries are set, that they are respected and followed.

Once those boundaries are broken, it's no longer a case of mate-guarding, protectiveness, or jealousy. It's a matter of disrespect and in that case, without respect, you don't have a relationship.

So in short, there is no need for jealousy in a relationship. Jealousy is a manifestation of a lack of trust or communication because if everything is clear, then there is no need for worry.

People who test their partners show their lack of security and are setting their partners up to fail. How can they be expected to behave in a manner that is comfortable to you if you have not clearly expressed what that behavior is?



Euclid said:


> Jealousy gets a bad rap, but is something very natural. Just need to tame that green eyed monster, so it doesn't go full yandere. It is otherwise, a healthy incentive to keep what is yours.


Murder is also natural and gets a bad rep. Natural does not mean good.

It is not a healthy incentive at all. If you trust your partner, there is no need to be jealous for you know they'll handle the situation with respect and integrity. If jealousy is a motivator, it can and will be used against you by those with the intention to manipulate.

Therefore, jealousy is not good, but bad and not an incentive but a tool to be used by others.


----------



## Crowbo

Wisteria said:


> Would you like me to post more memes again? :happy:


----------



## d e c a d e n t

I'm in so much pain now I don't know what to do with myself... it's like I've swallowed broken glass when I realize he will never be mine. At the same time, the alternative to this pain (to move on) means emptiness. And I'm not really sure what's worse. Of course the truth is that I was broken to begin with, and haven't really been happy in a long time, but for a moment I was reminded of what it's like to feel alive, so having that taken away from me again is all the more devastating.


----------



## Tropes

I didn't want to say anything, but I haven't slept in two days, which was actually kind of productive but also needs to end, and my brain doesn't seem to be quieting down, so maybe I just need to emote this bullshit.

I've being in an emotionally shitty place, technically still am, although right now it's more of a detached sarcastic scream in my head relegating all my emotional charge as stupid crap mode... Which is close to the usual state of mind, which is more of a numb myself with distractions to not feel anything mode, but this one needs to be a lot more screamy to counter the emotional noise and that make it a lot less tolerable to live in my head right now.

I've had a few weeks where my ex has being coming into my head over the great barrier of cardboard boxes, which is an eye roll for anyone who knows me, and I am rolling my eyes at myself to so don't worry. Usually if I check for her on social media it's to find whatever leaks about my son, her son, the little guy I adopted as my own and took care of and have absolutely no right to make any claim for and loved and also don't know because I haven't seen in 7 years and now he's a lot less little and probably doesn't remember me anyway because he was 6 when I left, but I also don't really care about justifying because just a little while ago he posted videos on youtube and I heard his voice and saw his face and it was the most wonderful thing in the world and if that makes me creepy which it probably does I can live with that. What I am a lot less tolerant about in myself and a lot more angry about, is the fact this time wasn't about him, it was about her, which my heart has no business giving a shit about, because it's being fucking 7 years, how am I not over this. Anyway, first I saw her recommending a new show that I just finished binge watching to all her friends. She also pointed out it has David Tennant, from doctor who, which I introduced her too, and I was like, fuck, really? I guess we always had common tastes... But then a quick check through her profile made me realize she probably has a boyfriend, hidden relationship status but certainly someone who matches the profile perfectly. He is a high profile member in a community surrounding an activity she loves, which doesn't really fit my bill right now but did when we met and is usually something that attracts her, and also in his case this particular activity is also something I used to be into before I met her but she seemed to have gotten into only recently, and he even kind of looks like me, or what I used to look like when I was with her, but in his case with a more youthful and more symmetrical face... Fuck, he even has the same beard trim I used to do. Really, her taste to a T. A few comments didn't quite declare it to be the case but certainly hinted that they are some kind of together. And I absolutely hate that I care about this at all. I'm even not sure how I care about it, it's a bothersome mixture of narratives. There's the one where I feel sorry for the poor bastard for not knowing what he is getting into - which is obviously a reflection of my victim complex towards her and need to vilify her - because I generally am not big on random sob stories for just any poor bastard in a bad situation. And there's the one where I am jelly and insecure because while he looks like a slightly better version of how I looked back then, I look like a way worst version then when I looked back then, and am really in a horrible place health-wise and used most of these years to let myself go and gain a lot of weight in a relatively short period of time and am now facing more and more of the consequences... Oh yea, I'm also in a biologically shitty place, because in the last few days I found out what hemorrhoids are, one of the consequences... which also get worst whenever I work out which doesn't help. I've made efforts to work on my health but it's stupid slowly and at this rate I'd be where I was in about 10 years, assuming the unrealistic aspect of not facing worst consequences by then, like diabetes and shit, which also runs in my family. And there is also a 3rd narrative in which I am jealous of her, because she moved on and built this wonderful little social life for herself and I've completely isolated myself into a place of low hanging comfort fruit... Which let's face it, usually isn't fruit. Really, I have "friends" who are long time buddies who I never see, and "friends" who I kind of know from work and stuff and have no connection too, and a couple of "friends" who I do kind of have a connection too and don't really enjoy my company... and at various points in life I actually was the nail of the party most because people did enjoy my company for entertainment sake but not since I've become a miserable judgy twat. There's also the narrative of him being in the way of some fantasy get together in which we would make peace and she'd even help me heal my relationship with my son and we will acknowledge as my son again like we used too in the weird stupid make believe which is emotional reality... Which is also an encounter which I am absolutely terrified about, because I have no sense of what she might do or whether she'd hug me or stab me or call, I also don't really know what I would do and whether I can handle it in a productive way, and I have no idea whether he'll even remember me or want me in his life, even though part of me wants to believe he grows his hair long because I used too... And am also terrified about it not happening and never having a chance to find out, which currently seems like a much more likely option, because realistically my chances of being financially established enough to immigrate are fucking slim. Financially starting up my own IT solution company and building my own clientele isn't working the way I wanted it too, I discovered I am completely out of date on changes in server infrastructure since college and I am having a horrible time trying to concentrate whenever I try to study or even self discipline myself into doing it, and also I am pretty sure that my boss's promise to try and get me a better paycheck is a dud that's never going to happen. I've also reread the last email exchange I had with her 7 years ago and I still relate to it which is a real bug in the whole "be aware to call yourself on your own shit and be conscious of other people's perspectives" and all the high and mighty ethical bullshit mantras I am way too preachy about but evidently don't practice on myself so well and really just developed as criticism of her which I then found out apply to almost everyone including myself if I still relate to angry shit I said 7 years ago and also recently my sister stopped talking to me and actually had some valid points at her anger towards me but the way she said it with her friend pissed me off because I wanted us to all meet on my birthday which really never fucking goes well I mean even right after I left my birthday was the first time my wife hooked up with someone after me, so really that day has a history of being bad news and I should just stop having birthdays... 

So I got medical shit for hemorrhoids, including those things that are going to go up my butt which I haven't tried yet but probably won't feel like a rimjob which btw I haven't gotten in fucking ages, renewed a ritalin prescription from my childhood to be able to study the online courses in IT of everything that changed since college which I honestly don't really remember very well anyway, tried listening to my dietitian but the vegetables I got for a salad I planned a week ago are all fucking bad so I made myself an egg sandwich instead, and spilled all of this out of my brain, so that I might just finally be able to fucking fall asleep. 

P.S.
This counts as a romantic confession because of past romance trigger and a rimjob with a medical thingy.


----------



## Wisteria

Remnants said:


> I'm in so much pain now I don't know what to do with myself... it's like I've swallowed broken glass when I realize he will never be mine. At the same time, the alternative to this pain (to move on) means emptiness. And I'm not really sure what's worse. Of course the truth is that I was broken to begin with, and haven't really been happy in a long time, but for a moment I was reminded of what it's like to feel alive, so having that taken away from me again is all the more devastating.


Sorry, I know how that feels - been there myself. You don't need a relationship to be happy though, remember to find your own hobbies and friends you can rely on. Relationships have so much risk when you're going through personal struggles in life, because you end up relying on them to make your happier. I was literally crying myself to sleep every night, now I hardly do that anymore. After the relationship I never really had ended, I did things I've been wanting to do like getting my first tattoo, working on my appearance, going to concerts, etc. Try talking to someone you trust and telling them all the things on your mind. Don't blame yourself for how you feel either. Also look at the positives of the situation if you can - maybe you've learned something from the experience. Also it couldn't have been perfect, especially if that person was dumb enough to leave you


----------



## Wisteria

Ok I think this thread could do with some wholesome memes in case any of you are feeling like this










Also got to be relevant i don't want to be banned lol


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Wisteria said:


> Also it couldn't have been perfect, especially if that person was dumb enough to leave you


Well, no it wasn't perfect. But I still wish... you know, I still felt like there was potential there. We didn't actually get together, though, I just admitted to them that I had felt feelings for them, and it seemed like they liked me as well, but... not enough. Although now they haven't responded to me in over two weeks, so it makes me question my perception of everything, because I didn't think this person was that bad, you know. But when they just suddenly stop talking to me without saying what's wrong or anything or having the decency to let me down in a more direct manner or give me clear answers, that's such a dick-move so maybe they were a worse person than I thought. Like it's gotten worse over time, so part of me still think they're not that bad and there's something more going on, but maybe I was just wrong about everything.

At least I made a new collage recently (it's been a while), so I got _something _out of this...


----------



## Wisteria

Remnants said:


> Well, no it wasn't perfect. But I still wish... you know, I still felt like there was potential there. We didn't actually get together, though, I just admitted to them that I had felt feelings for them, and it seemed like they liked me as well, but... not enough. Although now they haven't responded to me in over two weeks, so it makes me question my perception of everything, because I didn't think this person was that bad, you know. But when they just suddenly stop talking to me without saying what's wrong or anything or having the decency to let me down in a more direct manner or give me clear answers, that's such a dick-move so maybe they were a worse person than I thought. Like it's gotten worse over time, so part of me still think they're not that bad and there's something more going on, but maybe I was just wrong about everything.
> 
> At least I made a new collage recently (it's been a while), so I got _something _out of this...


Oh did you basically get ghosted, like they disappear without saying anything? That's exactly what happened to me except there was some kind of "relationship" then all of a sudden when I saw him in person he _completely_ ignored my existence, for no apparent reason. Sometimes I was given a glance at the very most, but for the most part just ignored. It's shitty for someone to do that as a way of showing rejection and I know the frustration of not knowing what went wrong. Don't judge someone too soon, you have to know them for a while before deciding they're decent. He's probably not worth your time anyway, don't take it personally. People do that all the time, they just suddenly cease all contact with a person. He's probably a coward and doesn't want to deal with the situation, but it's a really inconsiderate thing to do. Who knows, he might contact you again but for now I would focus on other priorities or even meeting someone else. Just realise you probably didn't do anything wrong. Hopefully you will meet someone who is more thoughtful and upfront about what they're thinking.

One of the best collages i've seen from you, keep being creative if that helps


----------



## d e c a d e n t

@*Wisteria* 
I mean, I didn't feel like he was... malicious or something, but you're probably right that he's a coward. Seems to be avoiding things in general. Still, since I don't know what's going on, and can't be entirely sure of anything, it makes it more painful because I'm essentially living in darkness and it makes me so anxious. It's like my brain is trying to turn itself inside out.

And of course the main thing giving me comfort is the hope that he might contact me again eventually, but after doing this I don't think he deserves to get forgiven too easily either so that's all the more reasons to find distractions so I won't have to feel so desperate. It's so difficult though. Everything just hurts, no matter what I do.


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## Wisteria

Remnants said:


> @*Wisteria*
> I mean, I didn't feel like he was... malicious or something, but you're probably right that he's a coward. Seems to be avoiding things in general. Still, since I don't know what's going on, and can't be entirely sure of anything, it makes it more painful because I'm essentially living in darkness and it makes me so anxious. It's like my brain is trying to turn itself inside out.
> 
> And of course the main thing giving me comfort is the hope that he might contact me again eventually, but after doing this I don't think he deserves to get forgiven too easily either so that's all the more reasons to find distractions so I won't have to feel so desperate. It's so difficult though. Everything just hurts, no matter what I do.


They can still be a bad person even if they're not outright malicious or abrasive. If someone strikes you as a really nice person and likes to point this out they're probably really fake. Most people are probably in the grey area, but you have to get to know them for a long time to find out where they are. 

He's probably not as a good as you think he is, and you don't know that the relationship had any good potential or not. This type of person clearly isn't compatible with you because their avoidant behaviour is giving you anxiety. I know how it feels to get this anxiety from anticipating whether or not he is going to contact you again, and why he isn't, if you did something wrong, etc. Just imagine how a relationship with him would have been. It probably would have been painful like my last relationship was so you're likely dodging a bullet here. 

People (often guys) will ignore someone because they don't want to deal with the situation and are thinking about other things in their life. It could be that he's uncomfortable with intimacy or he just doesn't want a relationship. Just don't blame yourself or feel like he was the one that got away because he probably wasn't. Disappearing from someone is selfish. Go for someone who handles their relationships well and doesn't run away when things get too intimate for them. A good sign will be things like if has had long term relationships in the past that weren't toxic or unstable. That guy is probably bad at relationships, because my ex was (he told me on a first date that none of his relationships had been long term and he never mentioned having a girlfriend).


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Wisteria said:


> They can still be a bad person even if they're not outright malicious or abrasive. If someone strikes you as a really nice person and likes to point this out they're probably really fake. Most people are probably in the grey area, but you have to get to know them for a long time to find out where they are.


They're not really the type to point out how good they are, I just got the impression that they're not really that bad deep down, though they are avoiding things. It's also possible I said something that bothered them (though I wish they could have said something still), or they don't realize how much of a big deal it is from my perspective (because we were never actually together, idk if I gave that impression that things were very serious between us before but a lot of it was pining on my part while I was trying to figure things out). And yeah, we probably wouldn't be really compatible, or it would have been difficult to deal with, but if we really liked each other it still would have been worth it to try despite the trials. But I guess he simply wasn't interested enough (and then it doesn't really matter if he was a good person or not).


----------



## Wisteria

Remnants said:


> They're not really the type to point out how good they are, I just got the impression that they're not really that bad deep down, though they are avoiding things. It's also possible I said something that bothered them (though I wish they could have said something still), or they don't realize how much of a big deal it is from my perspective (because we were never actually together, idk if I gave that impression that things were very serious between us before but a lot of it was pining on my part while I was trying to figure things out). And yeah, we probably wouldn't be really compatible, or it would have been difficult to deal with, but if we really liked each other it still would have been worth it to try despite the trials. But I guess he simply wasn't interested enough (and then it doesn't really matter if he was a good person or not).


Hmm I don't know when you're attracted to someone you kinda see the best in them. You think you said something that scared him away? Don't take it to heart, it happens to people all the time where the other person doesn't have the same feelings toward you. With guys you should let them do the pursuing because it really shows how interested they are and what they are looking for. If they ignore it's either because they're not interested or just playing games my ex did. Who knows though, maybe he had an ex who came back to who or something came up. If someone is ignoring you just decide they're not worth your time. 

I would also recommend getting a larger social circle which allows you to have a lot of options. It's so much easier to handle rejection and relationships because you will know you have friends and other people who appreciate your company. If it's only this one person it's so easy to get attached and much harder to let go. It also puts more pressure and expectations on that person you're interested in.


----------



## d e c a d e n t

Wisteria said:


> With guys you should let them do the pursuing because it really shows how interested they are and what they are looking for.


Well, I know that's the classic way but while that method allows me to keep some "power" I don't necessarily like to follow rules like that. Everyone is different anyway and playing hard to get has backfired as well lol. And having had much difficulty with expressing myself in the past it felt better to take the risk of putting myself out there because I did not want to end up with another relationship where this was an issue because that feels really bad too.

And getting a larger social circle is a double-edged sword as well. I mean, I've tried to not put all my eggs in one basket before to avoid getting too let down but that can lead to empty connections that are painful in their own way.

(Honestly, in a way it did feel too one-sided from the start. And when I was younger I don't think I would have ever gone for that... but well, basically I did experience heartbreak before with another guy before, and at the time it felt like I wouldn't be able to survive it either... but then he came back to me. So then I got an easy way out, and never actually had to survive the heartbreak. So it occurs to me I could have been subconsciously drawn to this experience to see if I COULD survive a real heartbreak this time.)

And well it's not like I think the guy was perfect either, but... he's human. And still probably figuring things out for himself as well.


----------



## Forest Nymph

I decided on a strategy. I'm a pseudo aggressor so I always have a strategy and or a shit test. I laid my cover-free copy of the Air Conditioned Nightmare, because he's also a socialist and was a lit major who loves Ernest Hemingway instead of a Minor like me, at his doorstep. He will literally walk over Henry Miller in the morning. (He knows me gusta. He won't wonder who or why.) I also put wildflowers on his windshield. Not great ones, not trying to be a guy, just mostly trying to get his attention, here's some local weeds in your windshield wipers after you stepped over my book. 

If he's strong enough to resist that on Friday he gets a song video. Another old book and some prettier flowers. Maybe. After that if he's still freaking out I'm done. He's bisexual, a man not disturbed from his feminine energy, a man who likes to go down, he's all over the place. I lose faith in these guys though. I think they just want sex. They want the scene. I'm uncomfortable with a man going down on me on my period and being casual about it after. I think he's a bug chaser. A complete psycho who likes blood because he's living dangerously. I don't want this creepy individual in my life. I'm literally scared to have sex with him again and I'll gladly tell him so if he cares. Read my book bro. You want the body, you discipline the soul.


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## Wisteria

Remnants said:


> Well, I know that's the classic way but while that method allows me to keep some "power" I don't necessarily like to follow rules like that. Everyone is different anyway and playing hard to get has backfired as well lol. And having had much difficulty with expressing myself in the past it felt better to take the risk of putting myself out there because I did not want to end up with another relationship where this was an issue because that feels really bad too.
> 
> And getting a larger social circle is a double-edged sword as well. I mean, I've tried to not put all my eggs in one basket before to avoid getting too let down but that can lead to empty connections that are painful in their own way.
> 
> (Honestly, in a way it did feel too one-sided from the start. And when I was younger I don't think I would have ever gone for that... but well, basically I did experience heartbreak before with another guy before, and at the time it felt like I wouldn't be able to survive it either... but then he came back to me. So then I got an easy way out, and never actually had to survive the heartbreak. So it occurs to me I could have been subconsciously drawn to this experience to see if I COULD survive a real heartbreak this time.)
> 
> And well it's not like I think the guy was perfect either, but... he's human. And still probably figuring things out for himself as well.


lol well I don't think of it as playing hard to get but rather not jumping straight into things too quickly and just testing him out to see what he does. I often like to see how far people will go in a situation, i'm not really sure why. I guess that makes sense if you thought not expressing yourself in the past has led to things not working out the way you wanted. I wouldn't think about it too much, because with the right person it shouldn't be that difficult.

Isn't it better to have more empty connections than one or two meaningful ones? And the more people you meet, the more likely you will find someone else. It sounds like you can't handle being hurt more than the average person. Everyone feels like they're in a bad state but not that they can't survive. It sounds like you're codependent with relationships instead of a healthier balance between that and independence.

No idea if this one will come back or not, why did your ex come back? Could be the same situation but might not be.


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## Blazkovitz

Wisteria said:


> Isn't it better to have more empty connections than one or two meaningful ones? And the more people you meet, the more likely you will find someone else.


I prefer to have a small number of meaningful connections, than loads of shallow acquaintances. But yes, if you're looking for a BF/GF, the more people you meet the better. Some people would argue shallow acquaintances are good because they can introduce you to someone you'll fall in love with. I however don't bother to keep in touch with someone I don't really like, unless I see this person on a daily basis anyway (e.g. at work).


----------



## Forest Nymph

Holy crap I was drunk last night. At least that copy of The Air Conditioned Nightmare was old, and I just put a handful of wildflowers on his car. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm not actually going to repeat this behavior if he doesn't respond in the way I wish. I know I said that last night but.....HAHAHAHAHA. OMG. 

Sober me and drunk me need to have a chat. Sober me is "angry and over it." Drunk me is lurking around his house at night with Henry Miller in one hand, and a fistful of weeds in the other. 

It's such a me thing to do though. Henry Miller and wildflowers. It's so perfect. Especially if I never speak to him again.


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## Lion87

I"m completely broken up,  I didn't think I would open up and have someone as well get inside my mind and heart again. I feel really messed up and lost, all i needed in this world was one near me. Maybe i'm just being a emotional infp but I have endured a lot for the sake of a better world.


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## d e c a d e n t

(I mean, if I do things like "let the guy do the pursuing" then I'm also playing game and I'm technically a player as well, and it's pointless to take the moral high ground.)

I had more thoughts but they're all tangled up now. :/

But... Fuck, what do I do when I can't handle being on my own, but I also can't handle being in a relationship? Because tbh I don't really deal well with commitment either, but on my own everything is too pointless and empty.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Remnants said:


> But... Fuck, what do I do when I can't handle being on my own, but I also can't handle being in a relationship?


You're alonely.


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## Negotiator

Remnants said:


> (I mean, if I do things like "let the guy do the pursuing" then I'm also playing game and I'm technically a player as well, and it's pointless to take the moral high ground.)
> 
> I had more thoughts but they're all tangled up now. :/
> 
> But... Fuck, what do I do when I can't handle being on my own, but I also can't handle being in a relationship? Because tbh I don't really deal well with commitment either, but on my own everything is too pointless and empty.


Meh. Unless you're messing around deliberately disappearing for days. You're giving him space to breathe by choosing not to be too co-dependent. 

And to your other q, you could meet someone one day who you groove with naturally. Whatever does change, won't feel like 'putting in work'. Just remaining open to that, having that attitude, might help attract someone like-minded.


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## DeadOutside

@Firelily yeah, I agree, at least be honest about what you think


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## Wisteria

Someone asked me out for a coffee and then they suggested the exact same place as my ex...ffs !


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## Wisteria

Forest Nymph said:


> You're certainly entitled to your preferences and lifestyle, and as long as you're honest, you should live the way you see fit...but calling someone weak for thinking threesomes are awkward, sex clubs are gross, or that they simply prefer monogamy is ...incorrect.


It's probably just how he was brought up, he was probably taught that expressing feelings/affection is weak. My guess is he had an overly strict father figure or something like that, or maybe dealt with some kind of neglect where he had to take care of himself. He prefers to be independent and is uncomfortable with intimacy and commitment. The idea of someone else relying on him is probably something he really doesn't like, therefore calls monogamy "weak". He said it himself, he cherishes his freedom.


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## DudeGuy

Wisteria said:


> Someone asked me out for a coffee and then they suggested the exact same place as my ex...ffs !


What if it's the good cafe? :crushed:


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## Euclid

Wisteria said:


> It's probably just how he was brought up, he was probably taught that expressing feelings/affection is weak. My guess is he had an overly strict father figure or something like that, or maybe dealt with some kind of neglect where he had to take care of himself. He prefers to be independent and is uncomfortable with intimacy and commitment. The idea of someone else relying on him is probably something he really doesn't like, therefore calls monogamy "weak". He said it himself, he cherishes his freedom.


I'd say it's what that sort of lifestyle does to you, living in the fast lane. It's like a drug, it rewires your brain and strips your ability to connect with someone emotionally. People become throwaway commodities to you as you are constantly seeking out something new, chasing the dragon. Valuing freedom is just an excuse; it's not truly freedom, but slavery to his desire for novelty, trying to silence that black hole of boredom inside him.


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## Wisteria

Euclid said:


> I'd say it's what that sort of lifestyle does to you, living in the fast lane. It's like a drug, it rewires your brain and strips your ability to connect with someone emotionally. People become throwaway commodities to you as you are constantly seeking out something new, chasing the dragon. Valuing freedom is just an excuse; it's not truly freedom, but slavery to his desire for novelty, trying to silence that black hole of boredom inside him.


How would someone get into that kind of lifestyle in the first place though? Not everyone thinks those things are the fix the boredom and more worthwhile than committed relationships.


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## Wisteria

DudeGuy said:


> What if it's the good cafe? :crushed:


All cafes are good here, there are actually nicer ones than that Starbucks tbh. Going to that same place will just remind me of him, beats the whole purpose of rebounding  I'd rather keep that cafe as a memory of that, rather than go there again and start being overwhelmed with the flashbacks of the last time I was there. It's pretty weird how similarly this is playing out. The whole point of seeing other people was to move on, not repeat the same exact experience with a new person


----------



## Euclid

Wisteria said:


> How would someone get into that kind of lifestyle in the first place though? Not everyone thinks those things are the fix the boredom and more worthwhile than committed relationships.


Groupthink and peer pressure. Back in my uni years I saw this sort of things happening on the parties, it's something you get sucked into because all your friends are doing it. Good thing I didn't fall for it. It's the same reason why you start doing drugs, because it's perceived as the cool thing to do by peers. But once you are in it then there's then you've planted a black hole inside yourself that constantly wants something stronger to sate that false need, as each trip give diminished returns, and so you start doing strong drugs. And much like drugs, it overshadows all other forms of pleasure, so that you can never be happy with things normal life but feel like crap when you aren't high, which becomes the norm, and the norm becomes the low.


----------



## Wisteria

Euclid said:


> Groupthink and peer pressure. Back in my uni years I saw this sort of things happening on the parties, it's something you get sucked into because all your friends are doing it. Good thing I didn't fall for it. It's the same reason why you start doing drugs, because it's perceived as the cool thing to do by peers. But once you are in it then there's then you've planted a black hole inside yourself that constantly wants something stronger to sate that false need, as each trip give diminished returns, and so you start doing strong drugs. And much like drugs, it overshadows all other forms of pleasure, so that you can never be happy with things normal life but feel like crap when you aren't high, which becomes the norm, and the norm becomes the low.


Not being sexist but I can imagine guys are more prone to being sucked into that. Groupthink just seems more common for guys to do, and to copy their friends. I've never seen a group of girls doing drugs and hanging out in crowds. What sort of thing do you mean though, apart from taking drugs? I'm currently staying in student dorms so I probably know what you mean, even though I haven't really gotten involved in it usually - like partying, clubbing and one night stands? Here in some dorms there are parties all the time, and everyone seems to use some kind of drug, whether it smoking, alcohol or party drugs. I don't get how that is more enjoyable than having close relationships or enjoying simple pleasures, especially if drugs aren't involved and it's mainly about sex like pwowq was originally talking about. The only thing that makes sense for why someone would do that is that they didn't really value those things in the first place, so they look for pleasure instead.


----------



## Veggie

I wanna fall in love again, but it really is fun doing whatever I want. Did a brunch comedy show date yesterday. Which - mimosas and stand up? Yes please. What a fantastic idea. lol. I was a little intimidated by this guy's resume, but it was actually pretty easy to talk to him. We went off on some artsy tangents that were fun. Got a text from the drinking buddy later declaring us twinsies, and we hung out, cuddled, watched Game of Thrones. Life felt happy and simple this morning. Ran around the city for a while and met a guy who invited me to a FB group for people looking for roommates in the midtown area. I'm gonna try to make that happen sooner than later. Time for a change and to just fully embrace everything that's fun about being single. I need to leave married people land.


----------



## temptingthesea

OH my god.
I'm crushing so hard on *Halsey*. :blushed:


* *


----------



## Wisteria

I feel so alone, for some reason I just can't fucking move on from this person, and I want to make new connections with people but I can't. Being open and sociable is such hard task for me. I'm scared of trusting anyone again. I'm at a loss of what to do. I wish I could be independent and not mind being alone but I can't. I finally felt like I could trust this person and feel comfortable with them like I've never felt with anyone before and they just betrayed it, did and said some really messed up things.


----------



## Euclid

Wisteria said:


> I feel so alone, for some reason I just can't fucking move on from this person, and I want to make new connections with people but I can't. Being open and sociable is such hard task for me. I'm scared of trusting anyone again. I'm at a loss of what to do. I wish I could be independent and not mind being alone but I can't. I finally felt like I could trust this person and feel comfortable with them like I've never felt with anyone before and they just betrayed it, did and said some really messed up things.


*pats on head*
Time will heal your wounds, and you'll be able to trust someone again, just don't try to rush things now or you'll repeat the same mistakes. Good things come to those who wait.



Wisteria said:


> Not being sexist but I can imagine guys are more prone to being sucked into that. Groupthink just seems more common for guys to do, and to copy their friends. I've never seen a group of girls doing drugs and hanging out in crowds. What sort of thing do you mean though, apart from taking drugs? I'm currently staying in student dorms so I probably know what you mean, even though I haven't really gotten involved in it usually - like partying, clubbing and one night stands? Here in some dorms there are parties all the time, and everyone seems to use some kind of drug, whether it smoking, alcohol or party drugs. I don't get how that is more enjoyable than having close relationships or enjoying simple pleasures, especially if drugs aren't involved and it's mainly about sex like pwowq was originally talking about. The only thing that makes sense for why someone would do that is that they didn't really value those things in the first place, so they look for pleasure instead.


I wouldn't say girls are less prone to group think, I think it's more about age, at that age you are very insecure and prone to getting influenced by your peers. On the other hand when it comes to drugs then I'd say yes women are more precautious and thus less prone to do it, and same with one night stands, being much more reluctant to giving in except when you are influenced by alcohol which is what happens at these parties and that's how these girls get taken advantage of. At least here in the Nordic countries the parties are mixed gender, I don't know if it's the same in the US but it would surprise me if they were gender segregated. There's a truth to what you are saying though and that is you've been educated on beforehand about this and know better then you don't get into it, likewise if you strongly value monogamy, you wouldn't even try it. Regardless it's a process from that and gradually becoming unable to commit to someone later in life because of that sort of lifestyle.


----------



## knife

temptingthesea said:


> OH my god.
> I'm crushing so hard on *Halsey*. :blushed:
> 
> 
> * *


She seems to have a David Bowie-esque vibe to her!


* *


----------



## Wisteria

Euclid said:


> I wouldn't say girls are less prone to group think, I think it's more about age, at that age you are very insecure and prone to getting influenced by your peers. On the other hand when it comes to drugs then I'd say yes women are more precautious and thus less prone to do it, and same with one night stands, being much more reluctant to giving in except when you are influenced by alcohol which is what happens at these parties and that's how these girls get taken advantage of. At least here in the Nordic countries the parties are mixed gender, I don't know if it's the same in the US but it would surprise me if they were gender segregated. There's a truth to what you are saying though and that is you've been educated on beforehand about this and know better then you don't get into it, likewise if you strongly value monogamy, you wouldn't even try it. Regardless it's a process from that and gradually becoming unable to commit to someone later in life because of that sort of lifestyle.


I've noticed it way more with guys, and it could be i'm just being biased but idk. I've heard guys say "I did it because my friends were doing it" a lot and about things that actually affect their own lifestyle, not just a fashion trend or simple mirroring of friends. 

Yeah true women are more precautions, but it does carry a lot more risk than it does for men. I don't see how drinking and having one night stands means getting taken advantage of, I've seen it a lot but girls do actually make the choice to hookup with them and are probably aware of what's going on. Unless you mean getting a drink spiked or manipulated then yeah. 

Why would parties not be mixed gender? It probably depends, sometimes it can be a girls/guys night and sometimes its mixed. I'm not in the US btw, actually the UK. 

I can see why that lifestyle affects it, but it's probably what they're like as a person too. Plenty of guys can't commit even if they're not taking drugs, going to clubs or have polygamous relationships. Also expecting a partner "to be there when you need them" is also selfish AF, what about their needs? I think there's a reason people turn out that way, where they don't see the value in commitment and thinking about other peoples needs.


----------



## pragyaINFJ

can you guys help me understand my INTP and if he indicates by his behavior in anyway that he has affection for me?


----------



## Pifanjr

Wisteria said:


> Also expecting a partner "to be there when you need them" is also selfish AF, what about their needs?


I think both partners should be able to rely on the other in times of need. Of course it can happen that one is unable to be there, or oblivious they need to be, but I don't think you actually love someone if you're _unwilling_ to be there when your partner needs you.


----------



## Wisteria

Pifanjr said:


> I think both partners should be able to rely on the other in times of need. Of course it can happen that one is unable to be there, or oblivious they need to be, but I don't think you actually love someone if you're _unwilling_ to be there when your partner needs you.


Yeah of course, that's true for any kind of relationship including casual ones, you have to be aware of the other person's wants and needs. The reason I said it was selfish is because it's treating people like things you can use whenever you need it. If the partner understands that then it's okay, but imagine how hurt she would be if she found out he only wants her when he needs it and is spending time with many other women, then dismisses her as being "weak". I was just pointing out that it's selfish behaviour if the partner has not been made aware of his terms. In a FwB situation they should still be made aware of those things.


----------



## Twichl

pragyaINFJ said:


> can you guys help me understand my INTP and if he indicates by his behavior in anyway that he has affection for me?


Saw the other thread you posted. You gotta give information before anyone can actually help you.


----------



## Veggie

Saw the new Apollo 11 documentary with writer dude the other night. I think the last documentary I watched was about flat earthers on Netflix, so it was appreciated. lol. I forgot how weirdly hot it can be just to sit in a dark theatre with someone you're into. Being acutely aware of their close presence, but inhibited in how much you can talk or touch. We roamed around the city again for a while afterwards. There's something kinda familiar yet still sexually attractive about him. Apparently his birthday is the day before mine. We have a couple other little random things like that in common-ish. 

I'm road tripping it tomorrow though, so I guess we'll see what happens when I get back.


----------



## Allersky

My boyfriend's tendency to giggle while asleep has to be one of my favourite things about him.


----------



## Forest Nymph

OMGZ he apologized...sincerely...and is being nice....don't know if it's just guilt or if it actually denotes something more, but I'll take it.


----------



## Forest Nymph

Forest Nymph said:


> Holy crap I was drunk last night. At least that copy of The Air Conditioned Nightmare was old, and I just put a handful of wildflowers on his car. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm not actually going to repeat this behavior if he doesn't respond in the way I wish. I know I said that last night but.....HAHAHAHAHA. OMG.
> 
> Sober me and drunk me need to have a chat. Sober me is "angry and over it." Drunk me is lurking around his house at night with Henry Miller in one hand, and a fistful of weeds in the other.
> 
> It's such a me thing to do though. Henry Miller and wildflowers. It's so perfect. Especially if I never speak to him again.



What is super hilarious is that he reacted in a strangely positive way to this. He wasn't like "fucking psycho" or anything. HAHAHAHA. 

Yeah, I think he just feels guilty.

Oh well.


----------



## Schizoid

Will my dream ever come true?


----------



## Forest Nymph

I think I've figured out what's wrong. I keep dating guys who don't get it. The last one was the closest one to getting it. Now I'm open to meeting a person of either gender who gets it. 

I mean anyone who doesn't understand that the economy could literally collapse at any moment due to climate change and leave the Western world in a wild state of disarray is a fucking idiot.

The guy I was dating, the one who apologized, I mean he got some basic points, such as (but not limited to): climate change is real, it should be a priority over stupid social issues like extreme gender discussions, agriculture is a major component, etc.

But he still has plans to live in _a city_, on the most overpopulated continent on Earth, in an archipelago of a nation in the future. Like dude, are you a fucking moron? Do you actually fucking want to die, or live like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome? 

Also, I can't believe anyone cares about climate change who still willingly eats meat.

You're not really a socialist if your priorities in life include maxing out credit cards in less developed nations on vacay, that's the self-absorbed capitalist version of accepting climate change, not the socialist one. That means you're part of the problem, not part of the solution. It means you're not serious about fixing anything.

There's very few people actually on my level. That's not a declaration of narcissism, it's just the truth. 

I'm going to start surrounding myself with them, even if it means going outside of my comfort zone and attending meetings of various activist groups, or getting involved with the town climate change planning sessions.

That's the only way I'm ever going to meet anyone I can have a real relationship with.


----------



## HigherFrequencyYou

I'm addicted to my partner like crack cocaine because he talks to my subconscious.


----------



## Forest Nymph

Well, I knew his apology was only guilt-driven.

I got a text this morning from _Hawaii._ He's traveling again. It's not for work. "oh I am so sorry I didn't bring your things by, I'll bring it by in a few days when I get back, I was so busy getting ready for this trip." 

Trip, as in, vacation.

His second vacation in two months is more pressing to him than having five whole days to make good on his "sincere" apology by ...I don't know...doing...ANYTHING....least of all, bringing my books back like he said he would, like a decent fucking human being.

I am so sick of these douchebags from Southern California. These people are so fucking privileged they don't even realize how privileged they are, they just think it's entirely normal. "Sorry, I'm so busy being selfish, I didn't remember to keep my promise, I'm sure you understand, because I expect you to be selfish too." 

I did the right thing by leaving LA. I just gotta stop dating people from there. Onward and upward. Jesus.


----------



## Schizoid

I've learnt to never trust men who come on too strong.


----------



## Eysan

Most people's romance is shallow and short lived. The good stuff is rare but it leaves you more than you ever were not less.


----------



## ai.tran.75

Allersky said:


> My boyfriend's tendency to giggle while asleep has to be one of my favourite things about him.


My husband laughs aloud in his sleep- I find it amusing as well 


Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## Crowbo

Eysan said:


> Most people's romance is shallow and short lived. The good stuff is rare but it leaves you more than you ever were not less.


I think this is one of the core reasons why I've never yet been in a romantic relationship other than being really young. I don't want to be with someone unless I'm certain that they're the right fit for me. Quality over quantity.


----------



## Forest Nymph

Woo hoo! He's just at his other friends wedding. He actually told me this when we were together before, that two of his old pals were getting married. He went to one while we were together. This is the second wedding, and he's actually IN IT. He text me just now that he's at a wedding, he had to borrow money, he feels bad that he made me feel bad, I'm not forgotten, he thinks about me too, he's sorry for how he treated me, and he'll call me when he gets back (but please shut up now I'm at a wedding). 

I don't want to get too excited now. But I am happier. He did not forget me. He didn't mean to be rude or selfish. He thinks of me too. He had to BORROW the money. 

YASSS QUEEN.


----------



## SilentScream

ai.tran.75 said:


> My husband laughs aloud in his sleep- I find it amusing as well
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


Y'all lucky with all this cute stuff. 
Mine sometimes has nightmares about zombies and stuff and started hitting me once in her sleep


----------



## Wisteria

Forest Nymph said:


> Woo hoo! He's just at his other friends wedding. He actually told me this when we were together before, that two of his old pals were getting married. He went to one while we were together. This is the second wedding, and he's actually IN IT. He text me just now that he's at a wedding, he had to borrow money, he feels bad that he made me feel bad, I'm not forgotten, he thinks about me too, he's sorry for how he treated me, and he'll call me when he gets back (but please shut up now I'm at a wedding).
> 
> I don't want to get too excited now. But I am happier. He did not forget me. He didn't mean to be rude or selfish. He thinks of me too. He had to BORROW the money.
> 
> YASSS QUEEN.


Don't give second chances, he might just be feeling lonely after getting rejected. When a guy contacts you after a month or more saying I miss you it's usually bullshit. Please don't get your hopes up, people don't change.


----------



## Forest Nymph

Bad Bunny said:


> Don't give second chances, he might just be feeling lonely after getting rejected. When a guy contacts you after a month or more saying I miss you it's usually bullshit. Please don't get your hopes up, people don't change.


Nah, I don't doorslam people. Men frequently do this sort of thing. My ex who I was with for six years, we broke up maybe...two months? ...into our relationship because he was being an asshole. We got back together, and as you can see, we were together for six years. Even my high school boyfriend something similar happened in that case though probably because we were both immature.

My roommate and I were talking about. Like guys always do this. Some of them might be legit scumbags, but most of them are just human beings. I want to see what he has to say when he gets back.


----------



## pwowq

I will never marry her, she will never marry me.
((It is what WE want, k.))


----------



## Forest Nymph

I feel so much more comfortable with women than with men. An environmental science friend and her dog are randomly looking to replace my other roommate, I ran and hugged her, seeing her by chance, and can't wait for her to live here. I realized I feel so much more genuinely excited by her presence than I do by straight men. That's no assumption I'd get involved with her, it just reminds me of SO many dominoes, from high school onward, this woman's implicitly welcome in my life. I want her here, no question. And I love that about some women. The immediate love, the lack of questions. 

Whether it's sexual or not is besides the point. I want to be with someone who I trust that much. Who I'm that excited to see. It turned me towards girls at seventeen, it will turn me towards girls now without great effort from a dude.


----------



## Forest Nymph

Welp, I heard what he had to say. He was looking quite homely yesterday, as well. I know that sounds mean, but it makes me feel better that I'm actually not missing much, it's not like he's especially handsome (I became attracted to him after we were friends for a few months and kissed) and he's not especially dependable, either.

He did order something for me off of Amazon that he's waiting on, because he feels bad 'n stuff. I guess that's nice that he isn't Dr. Evil or anything. But he's like "I'm just not that guy, I'm just trying to exist." Very ExxP. A little old for that kind of talk, even as an ExxP, especially with appearance which will only get less attractive with age - I almost wanted to say to him, dude, you need to take what you can while you can, otherwise in five or ten years you're going to be calling escorts, but I decided that would be uncouth. Especially after he told me he ordered the thing for me on-line.

Ironically, I think if I was less attached to life and my relationships were more on the surface, I'd have better luck with men. They all seem perpetually stuck in a childish state of only wanting what they can't have.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

The countdown continues. roud:


----------



## Cherry

If you're a guy and you pull annoyingly animated faces like this one, you can guarantee I 100% won't date you (same applies if you're an expressionless robot). These kind of facial expressions are reserved for me to do, only. Thank you very much.









Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


----------



## The Poet

I love you, and I've got a good sense you like me back!.........I'll be waiting 'till it's religiously permissible. But in the mean time you're included in my prayers, and I feel protective of you and I care about your happiness despite hardly knowing you due to gender segregation. I also feel proud of the accomplishments I hear you doing, and I admire you a great deal! I adore your smile, and I absolutely adore you.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

I have nothing to confess, because I haven't done anything wrong.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

Scoobyscoob said:


> I have nothing to confess, because I haven't done anything wrong.


:laughing:


----------



## DudeGuy

Candy said:


> If you're a guy and you pull annoyingly animated faces like this one, you can guarantee I 100% won't date you (same applies if you're an expressionless robot). These kind of facial expressions are reserved for me to do, only. Thank you very much.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


----------



## Cherry

Just don't out-goof me, know what I'm sayin? 


DudeGuy said:


>


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


----------



## Crowbo

The high frequency of thoughts that I've had about the topic of romance have significantly subsided for good and I feel way better about myself now .


----------



## temptingthesea

_"hello, my sunshine"_
Expressing how grateful I am by calling him 'sunshine' whenever I can


----------



## ENIGMA2019




----------



## Forest Nymph

I don't even want the crap from Amazon. The more I thought about the Namaste bow from this untrustworthy man who lives out of integrity with what he claims he believes or will do, in my memory disturbed me so much I realized I don't want to waste another second on this emotional vampire. 

There was something really so cleansing about our last conversation. Something I wish would have happened much sooner. I had that aha moment that in lots of aspects of his life he says one thing and does another. 

Oh I should be vegan, I tried it for a while...but he's not. 

I'm a socialist, I want to be a politician...yet there's no evidence that he's engaged in any recent activism at all, nor evidence that he's aware of how his global travel could be viewed as imperialist and self absorbed. 

Oh I want a relationship....Then he doesn't. 

He even sort of casually promises things, and yet I had to pin him down by text to get him to follow through. 

He's not right for me at all. He's so out of integrity its almost sad for him, like boy you're lost. If he lived what he spoke, even by half, he'd be a much more whole human being and he'd be a better partner. 

I'm better off without him and now I see it clearly. When he bowed to me, I stood for a minute and blinked, with all my years of yoga I'm just like what is this asshole doing now. 

I think it's time for another few months of conscious celibacy until I meet someone who at least walks their talk. 

And I'll stick to the political demonstrations, climate meetings and animal rights rallies to meet them, instead of the bars and dating apps.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I really wonder why it is that almost every time someone I know meets someone, that someone ends up having massive problems. Like, they're an alcoholic, or an impulsive liar, or a cheater, etc. It might just be that I'm surrounding myself with people who have shitty tastes in partners, but I don't think I'm the only one who knows multiple people like this. 

It kind of adds to my hesitancy to get involved with anyone. When you fall in love, I really do think you become blind to what's very obvious to everyone else, and being ignorant -- being held back by said ignorance -- in general is one of my biggest fears. It's not just that I'm a pessimist; there are plenty of people I like, a lot, whom I think deserve the best. Just not these people they find.


----------



## knife

Why is it that every time I wake up by her side I feel like I'm waking up with the woman of my dreams...


----------



## Wisteria

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if i'm an unlovable person and have no personality. I have always had this thought at the back of my mind that there is something wrong with me. 

My experience with the last person I had a relationship is probably making this worse, because they treated me like I meant nothing to them when I only felt appreciation and admiration for them. I wish it would stop hurting, it's been months.


----------



## Forest Nymph

I was walking through a historic neighborhood today, and the Asian cherry blossom pink flowers lay on the ground like a path of righteousness through town, like a magical event...and a woman about my mom's age, with the same characteristics....tan, over 50, a little plain, a little hard, smelling like perfume in jeans and a hoodie....was listening to Air Supply. 

I feel constantly like some kind of spiritual energy is around me. This woman was so happy, this 50-60 year old lady who probably smokes cigarettes and watches TV, smelling clean and listening to "Lost in Love" with a big smile on her face. She's the constant reminder that my mom told us girls that even a toothless fat woman like Mama June could find a man to love her.






I'm beyond hope. Not ugly and awkward enough to be satisfied with little, not supermodel enough to be rewarded with much. But my mom's friend still walks down my street on a clear day, letting me know, all is not lost.


----------



## Pifanjr

Forest Nymph said:


> I'm beyond hope. Not ugly and awkward enough to be satisfied with little, not supermodel enough to be rewarded with much.


Could you elaborate on this? I don't quite understand how this could be a problem.


----------



## The Poet

I always "fetishize" my crush's ethnicity or victimhood status every time I fantasize about tenderly cuddling. I fantasize about whispering in her ear, "come here my little Uzbekistanli (Uzbek) " or for the same girl, "uzbekistanli prensisim! (my uzbek princess!) " or " ahiskalim benim, ok lok lok lok " (for same girl: my ahiska of mine, oh oh oh oh...... ) or, at another time, "multecim benim (i think youve figured out by now that these are usually turkic girls and i end up talking adoringly in turkish like when i was young... i have a thing for jewish girls......really, like REALLY.... @Forest Nymph but yet i never say, "oh my jew....." because that sounds antisemitic or awkward if you ask me) anyway, "multecim benim" (my refugee) "noldu sana, zavallim, sen artik benimle guvenlisin," ("what happened to you my poor thing, with me you are now safe,") or, "kurdistanli prensesim benim, (to be fair she was half kurdish) (My Kurdistani princess,)


----------



## The Poet

Pifanjr said:


> Could you elaborate on this? I don't quite understand how this could be a problem.


 it's like being a middle child or the awkwardness of being middle class when the middle class is dying and no one wants to be middle class (i think, i dunno, im either upper middle class or middle class due to expenses but am oblivious to my family's financial problems because i am not very materialist) Also, it's like, everyone wants the people at the top, so that leaves the people in the middle and the poor. the poor complain but eventually settle. the middle just continue to be miserable because they feel there could be something more.


----------



## The Poet

why is it that every time i end up pursuing ahiskas and jews it ends up exploding in my face yet it took me so long to figure out, 1) ahiskas are type a personalities, they will break your soft well intentioned heart due to the trauma and collective ultra borderline they have from what they endured from the russians and b) don't take extra interest in a girl suddenly just because she's jewish c) don't talk to a girl just because she's jewish and to cure the hole in your heart that girl left.


----------



## The Poet

Forest Nymph said:


> I was walking through a historic neighborhood today, and the Asian cherry blossom pink flowers lay on the ground like a path of righteousness through town, like a magical event...and a woman about my mom's age, with the same characteristics....tan, over 50, a little plain, a little hard, smelling like perfume in jeans and a hoodie....was listening to Air Supply.
> 
> I feel constantly like some kind of spiritual energy is around me. This woman was so happy, this 50-60 year old lady who probably smokes cigarettes and watches TV, smelling clean and listening to "Lost in Love" with a big smile on her face. She's the constant reminder that my mom told us girls that even a toothless fat woman like Mama June could find a man to love her.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm beyond hope. Not ugly and awkward enough to be satisfied with little, not supermodel enough to be rewarded with much. But my mom's friend still walks down my street on a clear day, letting me know, all is not lost.


 dont worry, the right person is out there for you someday. have you considered working on yourself through self improvement, or getting a hobby or getting self help books for your histrionic personality disorder, or getting psychotherapy treatment (those last two are very important did you get help for that?), or getting help through self enrichment like finding peace in your religion or the rec center or meetup groups? I know it must be rough to be type b, but i know you can handle it, but if youre referring to looks, have you considered getting a make over?


----------



## The Poet

Forest Nymph said:


> I was walking through a historic neighborhood today, and the Asian cherry blossom pink flowers lay on the ground like a path of righteousness through town, like a magical event...and a woman about my mom's age, with the same characteristics....tan, over 50, a little plain, a little hard, smelling like perfume in jeans and a hoodie....was listening to Air Supply.
> 
> I feel constantly like some kind of spiritual energy is around me. This woman was so happy, this 50-60 year old lady who probably smokes cigarettes and watches TV, smelling clean and listening to "Lost in Love" with a big smile on her face. She's the constant reminder that my mom told us girls that even a toothless fat woman like Mama June could find a man to love her.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm beyond hope. Not ugly and awkward enough to be satisfied with little, not supermodel enough to be rewarded with much. But my mom's friend still walks down my street on a clear day, letting me know, all is not lost.


 which reminds me: try this channel: 



 also, if it makes you feel any better, i know what it's like to feel like all hope is lost(not in love, well, that, too, but namely in life, but things got better).


----------



## The Poet

Forest Nymph said:


> I was walking through a historic neighborhood today, and the Asian cherry blossom pink flowers lay on the ground like a path of righteousness through town, like a magical event...and a woman about my mom's age, with the same characteristics....tan, over 50, a little plain, a little hard, smelling like perfume in jeans and a hoodie....was listening to Air Supply.
> 
> I feel constantly like some kind of spiritual energy is around me. This woman was so happy, this 50-60 year old lady who probably smokes cigarettes and watches TV, smelling clean and listening to "Lost in Love" with a big smile on her face. She's the constant reminder that my mom told us girls that even a toothless fat woman like Mama June could find a man to love her.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm beyond hope. Not ugly and awkward enough to be satisfied with little, not supermodel enough to be rewarded with much. But my mom's friend still walks down my street on a clear day, letting me know, all is not lost.


 also try this channel https://www.youtube.com/user/Psych2GoTv and i advise you to not lose hope, i believe in you, and DONT SETTLE, but dont make unrealistic expectations either.


----------



## Forest Nymph

We're going to have lunch together this week, the hot fisheries bio guy and me. I don't think he'd try to get me to eat fish, he knows the deal. In fact we are meeting under the pretenses of discussing the possibility of humane, sustainable aquaponic fish farms..even if we don't end up in bed together, he's going to bring an important supporting aspect to my research on plant based sustainable food systems. The only animal products even potentially sustainable are backyard eggs in permaculture, local dairy, and some species of particularly farmed fished slaughtered by spiking rather than suffocation (and mussels may not be sentient at all)

I hope I'm able to talk to him about this without either wanting to kiss him or wanting to punch him. Sometimes animal husbandry people piss me off. Still, he's quasi vegan, and his mom's a vegetarian. I have high hopes for him. 

And extreme lust.


----------



## Forest Nymph

I'm dying to know his personality type now. We've been texting, and he says sorry a lot, he's very mindful of how I might perceive his behavior. So right now I'm guessing he's an xxFx or he's a xxTP with developed Fe (I doubt seriously a TJ would say sorry that much even with tert Fi). He didn't want to go to college at first when he got out of high school, which leads me to think he's either S or P or both. He really likes being outdoors and working with his hands. 

Right now I'm honestly thinking ISFP, ISFJ, or ISTP. Or xNFP.

Yep, that narrows it down. Lol. 

He can ride a bike with his hands behind his back, I saw him this morning doing it like a teenaged boy. HE IS SO CUTE.

We'll see how lunch goes. I could be barking up the wrong tree. Again.


----------



## Forest Nymph

It's almost like he keeps doing weird little things so that he can apologize. I'm thinking ISTP now. I think he's playing a little game. You know, like when children test their parent's boundaries. He's testing me to see what he can get away with, how "nice" I am, or if I'll be bitchy or controlling.

I know what's up. I'm not stupid. 

I'm contemplating on how I should even respond to the latest text. 

WE HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER.


----------



## Firelily

There's nothing like sex with a girl. when you're a girl. when they can make you laugh as hard as you cum its the best thing in the world.


----------



## alpharomero2020

I used to ditch everyone who couldn't understand me. I used to believe there is NO ONE, who is capable of understanding the person behind the door, and that no one has the key. 
Safe to say I was wrong and happily married now. 

So the right person is there for you, you just need to be willing to hurt a couple of souls (badly) to find him/her.


----------



## alpharomero2020

Forest Nymph said:


> I'm dying to know his personality type now. We've been texting, and he says sorry a lot, he's very mindful of how I might perceive his behavior. So right now I'm guessing he's an xxFx or he's a xxTP with developed Fe (I doubt seriously a TJ would say sorry that much even with tert Fi). He didn't want to go to college at first when he got out of high school, which leads me to think he's either S or P or both. He really likes being outdoors and working with his hands.
> 
> Right now I'm honestly thinking ISFP, ISFJ, or ISTP. Or xNFP.
> 
> Yep, that narrows it down. Lol.
> 
> He can ride a bike with his hands behind his back, I saw him this morning doing it like a teenaged boy. HE IS SO CUTE.
> 
> We'll see how lunch goes. I could be barking up the wrong tree. Again.


Imagine you two got together. He will hurt you so badly. Sorry. 
Why? because, if he says "sorry" a lot, that means he's soooo into you. He almost idolise you. And men who idolise women get over the idols really quickly. 
If you wanna keep him, dominate.


----------



## Wisteria

I wish I could date a guy without worrying what his true intentions are. They are so bizarre because so many will say "i like you" even when they don't.


----------



## Forest Nymph

alpharomero2020 said:


> Imagine you two got together. He will hurt you so badly. Sorry.
> Why? because, if he says "sorry" a lot, that means he's soooo into you. He almost idolise you. And men who idolise women get over the idols really quickly.
> If you wanna keep him, dominate.


Ok?

Possibly. I dunno. I sent him a really casual text to his latest apology and didn't text him today at all. I just waved while walking past him (I see him almost daily now in casual contact since we work near each other). I'm waiting to see what he does. I actually think he might be seeing if he can wait until the next day to text me, or change plans without me flipping out or deciding I don't like him. The first few apologies seemed sincere enough, but then it just seemed to become a pattern.

I think he's actually ...fishing. Which is funny with his background in fisheries biology. He wants to see if I'll forgive him easily for minor let downs ...but also test me to see if I'm TOO forgiving and chase him or something. Which I will NOT be doing either. So if he's testing me, pretty sure I've passed.

Whatevs. Trying to stay cool.


----------



## Forest Nymph

Bad Bunny said:


> I wish I could date a guy without worrying what his true intentions are. They are so bizarre because so many will say "i like you" even when they don't.



I know. I've decided lately that's what scares me. Guys who say they like you a lot/love you/want a relationship but really just want to have sex with you until they're bored or uncomfortable with increasing emotional intimacy. 

I can deal with dudes who are transparently fuck boys. But the liars who chase you because they just like the challenge are the worst kinds of men. I don't know how they sleep at night.


----------



## Forest Nymph

Fish guy is a nice person but it's not happening. I was wrong about him testing me. He is really a total space cadet, and apologizes too much due to either anxiety or hyper concern for other people's feelings. 

Nope.


----------



## pwowq

GF once had a relationship with a transvestite. He came out while they were together, interesting story actually.
She find me to have a lot incommon with him. They way I reason around appearance&clothes. How I got the same eye for what looks good on others. How to make someone more attractive. How I hold myself when 'dressed for success'. It sounded damn cute how she told me this, adorable.


----------



## Forest Nymph

All of my dating experiences up North have been oddly brief, never lasting more than two months, and more like one month on average. The one person who I thought I really connected with messed with my emotions. I don't even like my recent crush anymore. 

At least in LA I had on going partners who made me feel less alone, if not ideally secure in love. And LA never let me feel alone. I can't explain it. Maybe it's the nature of cities. Maybe LA really is one of the most haunted cities on earth. Maybe the ghosts were always walking with me in Griffith Park, or singing softly to old jazz at the Apple Pan, or just keeping me company in the old massage office. 

I'm listening to old jazz tonight and dreaming of a place and time that's gone. I couldn't even live there again with the same innocence, without feeling afraid for the water to run dry. And tsunami could get me here or there, but people will never shoot each other over potable drinking water in this pretty little logging town. 

But will I ever find love here?


----------



## Wisteria

Our date went really well except for one thing, neither of us made a move or even touched each other. I know he wanted to at one point but I didn't do anything about it. I want to develop feelings but I just won't. Maybe i'm afraid of catching feelings. I honestly don't understand myself right now and feel like i'm too complex. Sometimes I feel like I like him, I want to be close then other times I think we have nothing in common, so wtf are we doing? How would this end up in the long road, wouldn't our differences cause clashes and arguments? I also find it hard to get closer to him because it's so often small talk and casual conversation. If he doesn't talk about anything serious it's hard to feel that way also. 

I hate that i fell for a guy who didn't care about me, pushed past my boundaries, lied to me, ignored me for days or months, and made me feel insecure about myself, but not this guy i'm dating now. Now finally someone is giving everything I wanted, doesn't make me feel shitty about myself, is honest with what they want and what they're thinking, wants to go out on dates, and apparently isn't selfish in bed either. 

And I just end up thinking "I don't know if I like this guy or not" even though I want him to make a move. I don't know what is wrong with me, I'm feeling really confused. And now i'm just like my ex, while this guy is just like I was with my ex. I don't want to be a shitty person like my ex is, and actually end up telling someone who likes me that I don't know what i want or some bullshit like that.


----------



## Denature

Bad Bunny said:


> Our date went really well except for one thing, neither of us made a move or even touched each other. I know he wanted to at one point but I didn't do anything about it. I want to develop feelings but I just won't. Maybe i'm afraid of catching feelings. I honestly don't understand myself right now and feel like i'm too complex. Sometimes I feel like I like him, I want to be close then other times I think we have nothing in common, so wtf are we doing? How would this end up in the long road, wouldn't our differences cause clashes and arguments? I also find it hard to get closer to him because it's so often small talk and casual conversation. If he doesn't talk about anything serious it's hard to feel that way also.
> 
> I hate that i fell for a guy who didn't care about me, pushed past my boundaries, lied to me, ignored me for days or months, and made me feel insecure about myself, but not this guy i'm dating now. Now finally someone is giving everything I wanted, doesn't make me feel shitty about myself, is honest with what they want and what they're thinking, wants to go out on dates, and apparently isn't selfish in bed either.
> 
> And I just end up thinking "I don't know if I like this guy or not" even though I want him to make a move. I don't know what is wrong with me, I'm feeling really confused. And now i'm just like my ex, while this guy is just like I was with my ex. I don't want to be a shitty person like my ex is, and actually end up telling someone who likes me that I don't know what i want or some bullshit like that.


If I was dating someone who felt this way, I'd want them to tell me about this.


----------



## Wisteria

Denature said:


> If I was dating someone who felt this way, I'd want them to tell me about this.


Which part 

I have told him I'm not sure yet, about how I feel about everything and I'm slow to process things.


----------



## Euclid

Bad Bunny said:


> Which part
> 
> I have told him I'm not sure yet, about how I feel about everything and I'm slow to process things.


Good, keep the processing slow, and you'll filter out all the garbage in the process.


----------



## Wisteria

Euclid said:


> Good, keep the processing slow, and you'll filter out all the garbage in the process.


What kind of garbage?


----------



## Euclid

Bad Bunny said:


> What kind of garbage?


You're not suppose to be able to know someone after just one date. That process takes months if not years. If you rush it you'll just risk ending up getting used by people who know how to manipulate you, but if you take your time, they tire and leave to find an easier target.


----------



## Wisteria

Euclid said:


> You're not suppose to be able to know someone after just one date. That process takes months if not years. If you rush it you'll just risk ending up getting used by people who know how to manipulate you, but if you take your time, they tire and leave to find an easier target.


It's been 2 dates now but I'm not sure how quickly things are supposed to develop, for any healthy relationship to happen.


----------



## Lonewaer

Euclid said:


> Good, keep the processing slow, and you'll filter out all the garbage in the process.


She'll also filter out guys who have a better use of their time than wait for a girl to make up her mind about how she feels about them.


----------



## Purrfessor

Lonewaer said:


> She'll also filter out guys who have a better use of their time than wait for a girl to make up her mind about how she feels about them.


Efficiency slaves?


----------



## Lonewaer

WritingLove said:


> Efficiency slaves?


Everyone is in a way or another. People are more or less overt about it, and the less overt they are about it are either naive or hypocrites (or both). So no I'm not talking about her filtering out efficiency slaves because that would just be "filtering out people because they are people".


----------



## Purrfessor

Lonewaer said:


> Everyone is in a way or another. People are more or less overt about it, and the less overt they are about it are either naive or hypocrites (or both). So no I'm not talking about her filtering out efficiency slaves because that would just be "filtering out people because they are people".


In my experience it's the workaholics who talk about other people being worth their time or not. It's really the common belief of quantity being greater than quality that concerns itself with time. Like living a long life instead of a good life. Since time is money, this thinking goes hand in hand in believing you get more out of life by living longer when really you lose more by overcommitting to work / using time to feed off of. 

When really time doesn't even exist. There are better things to feed off of. Time is an illusion of the warping of space.


----------



## Lonewaer

WritingLove said:


> In my experience it's the workaholics who talk about other people being worth their time or not. It's really the common belief of quantity being greater than quality that concerns itself with time. Like living a long life instead of a good life. Since time is money, this thinking goes hand in hand in believing you get more out of life by living longer when really you lose more by overcommitting to work / using time to feed off of.
> 
> When really time doesn't even exist. There are better things to feed off of. Time is an illusion of the warping of space.


I would agree with your description of quantity vs quality, but that's not limited to workaholics (they just take that to a stupid extreme and tend to piss me off because of that). I'm the opposite of one, and if a girl I'm seeing needs more than 1-2 months figuring out what she feels about me, I'm sorry but I have better things to do with my time, like being available if/when potential other opportunities present themselves, or, doing things I like, instead of trying to figure out if I should invest emotionally and financially in her. Because if I do invest in her before she makes up her mind, and then she decides she'd rather not keep going, who's fucked ? Me, in a pretty bad one-sided way.

When I say that everyone is, I'm thinking of women who like a guy, and that guy is just in it for the sex, and they say he wasted their time. Well. Yes. That wasn't an efficient investment, and when that happens to a woman she complains because she wasted her time, not because of anything else. If you want to call those men "efficiency slaves", then you have to call everyone "efficiency slaves", because we all do that to some extent. When we talk about "cutting our losses", this is a strict profit analysis, only the variables change depending on the person and the situation, but it's the same thing : "this is costing too much of what I'm putting in compared to the return I'm expecting from this". Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying men like workaholics (and PUAs by the way) are going about it the right way, certainly not, but there's a middle ground somewhere in-between where a compromise should satisfy everybody.


----------



## Purrfessor

Lonewaer said:


> I would agree with your description of quantity vs quality, but that's not limited to workaholics (they just take that to a stupid extreme and tend to piss me off because of that). I'm the opposite of one, and if a girl I'm seeing needs more than 1-2 months figuring out what she feels about me, I'm sorry but I have better things to do with my time, like being available if/when potential other opportunities present themselves, or, doing things I like, instead of trying to figure out if I should invest emotionally and financially in her. Because if I do invest in her before she makes up her mind, and then she decides she'd rather not keep going, who's fucked ? Me, in a pretty bad one-sided way.
> 
> When I say that everyone is, I'm thinking of women who like a guy, and that guy is just in it for the sex, and they say he wasted their time. Well. Yes. That wasn't an efficient investment, and when that happens to a woman she complains because she wasted her time, not because of anything else. If you want to call those men "efficiency slaves", then you have to call everyone "efficiency slaves", because we all do that to some extent. When we talk about "cutting our losses", this is a strict profit analysis, only the variables change depending on the person and the situation, but it's the same thing : "this is costing too much of what I'm putting in compared to the return I'm expecting from this". Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying men like workaholics (and PUAs by the way) are going about it the right way, certainly not, but there's a middle ground somewhere in-between where a compromise should satisfy everybody.


You'll realize most women are like this outside of TJ types. What you gotta do is two things) 1. Decide for them. Most of the time that's what they want anyway and 2. Take breaks instead of quitting with them. This can be hard to learn 

Or 3) exclusively go for TJ types. But romance should be about that thing inside your body-prison locked in a bone cage needing to express itself outwardly, not some mental fascination / brain chemistry that feeds off sexual energy. I mean that's important but your heart is more important.


----------



## Wisteria

Lonewaer said:


> She'll also filter out guys who have a better use of their time than wait for a girl to make up her mind about how she feels about them.


>.< What do you think i should do then?


----------



## Lonewaer

WritingLove said:


> You'll realize most women are like this outside of TJ types.


Oh yes I did. The thing to realize is that TJ types are really commonly workaholics, and not as commonly women.



WritingLove said:


> What you gotta do is two things) 1. Decide for them. Most of the time that's what they want anyway and 2. Take breaks instead of quitting with them. This can be hard to learn
> 
> Or 3) exclusively go for TJ types. But romance should be about that thing inside your body-prison locked in a bone cage needing to express itself outwardly, not some mental fascination / brain chemistry that feeds off sexual energy. I mean that's important but your heart is more important.


Oh sorry, I'm just clarifying what I didn't mean when you asked if I was referring to efficiency slaves, I'm not looking for advice. If I was, I would be asking the men around me who are in relationships. I have, and realized they are putting up with a lot more shit than I think they should.




Bad Bunny said:


> >.< What do you think i should do then?


Well I'm not too sure, but having a fast "does this seem worth exploring ?" judgment about the guy to actually start seriously exploring outcomes with him can be a way to go. But to be fair, if you are _afraid_ of catching feelings and don't understand yourself, maybe sort that out first, because that's probably one other reason you're ambivalent about him.


----------



## Queen of Cups

In honor of my 18th wedding anniversary.


----------



## Wisteria

I give up on dating for the time being. It never goes anywhere, I always feel lead on then stupid for believing their manipulative behaviour or putting so much of my time into them. Then I end up feeling depressed for a while, then it repeats. Maybe i'm bad at handling rejection or realising when the person isn't right for me, and I need to figure that out. I want to focus on friendships and hope they don't give me that strain that relationships do. It's very hard to find friends or put in the effort though. With every relationship so far it has only lasted for not much longer than a month. 

I'm certain I want a relationship because I want to feel closeness with someone who is a best friend and be able to put my trust in them, but maybe that is not possible. I've had plenty of years to work on myself, my education and my work. The one thing that has always been missing is connection, and this might be wrong but I believe having a relationship will improve myself as a person. 

Still, I do not want to date. If I ever got into a relationship I would rather it be with someone I became friends with first. It seems that anyone who enters my life immediately wanting to date or have a relationship is a time waster. It hurts to be rejected, to get someones interest until suddenly they disregard me for their own personal/selfish reasons. I hate being this temporary person for somebody, like an option that they're not sure they want to pursue or not.

I don't know what do with myself anymore. I'm sick of being used and brought down so they can better themselves. Letting someone pursue me is not worth it, I can't deal with the rejection.


----------



## Crowbo

I sometimes wonder if my expectations and standards for what I look for in a female are too high


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

My boyfriend and I are 1063 miles away, visiting different family right now. He's busy fishing, which is his favorite thing to do, and he sends me pictures of himself kissing the lips of the fish he catches.

I feel very jealous of the fish!! I'm joking with him and my family that these are pictures of him kissing other women (and men), but it comes from a real place in my heart. My own pet fish died recently, so there's something even more meaningful about it. I miss my boyfriend a lot... I send him love postcards about my adventures. There is a solid paper trail of my affection. I get to go see him in two weeks, and I can't wait!


----------



## Allersky

Having one of those "I'm so fucking lucky to have you" moments.


----------



## Fennel

I got on PerC. Maybe I shouldn't have. I saw his posts. He's been posting in my friend's threads. Arguing with NFs, whom I love. 
I agree with his philosophy and theology, but he's so cold. Typical NT 5. I still love him. I still want to marry him. But there is just no way I'll be good enough for that man. His standards are so high. 

He is dear to me but he sees none of that because it is subjective thinking. He only cares about the Truth. And he will strictly adhere to his understanding of the Truth even if that means being alone all this life and misunderstood. But I don't want to leave him alone, and I want to understand him. 

I just can't reach the guy... We broke up in a very bad way last year even though we weren't yet a thing. I hate how I'm not given the chance to simply run with my emotions. I want to fight for him, but he won't fight me for me.
Why do we need to be so careful and logical all the time? I just want to let go and run with it... I still dream of him showing up at my doorstep, to take me away, to take me home with him.

I know I'm out of control. I need someone to control me. To lead me, that's the more accepted term.
I need a Chiaki for my Nodame... the out of control music also reflects my emotions right now.


* *





No need for subtitles.


----------



## Veggie

I'm trying to figure out how this guy figured out I'm home visiting family. The travel of information in a small town is kinda fascinating. I'm pretty sure I haven't shown up on any social media feeds. I don't think I've talked with or hung out with any mutual acquaintances either, though there is one dude who may have said something I guess... (but do they even talk?) It could be as simple as someone having seen me in a store or something without me knowing I guess. Or maybe I popped up on Tinder. I haven't been using it, but it automatically updates my location. Learned this when I got a FB message from someone else the last time I was here lol. 

Avoiding texting him back because I don't know how to approach it (got a "hey, are you in [hometown]?!" message last night). I do kinda want to see him again, and it seems like that's maybe on the table, but I don't feel like that becoming some sorta focus of the trip right before I leave. 

We were rebounds for each other years ago. The timing was awful. We've kept in touch sporadically since, but this is the longest it's been since I've heard from him I think. Not sure how to feel about it. lol. I'm pretty sure I do have feelings about it, I'm just having a hard time pinpointing what they are.


----------



## Blue Ribbon

Have you ever just gone ahead and dated someone you never thought you'd be attracted to? I was surprised and caught off guard by my feelings. He's proven to be the opposite of me: cold, distant and very quiet... But somehow that's okay... 

Not many issues to talk about... Just I am confused by my own feelings


----------



## Wisteria

Blue Ribbon said:


> Have you ever just gone ahead and dated someone you never thought you'd be attracted to? I was surprised and caught off guard by my feelings. He's proven to be the opposite of me: cold, distant and very quiet... But somehow that's okay...
> 
> Not many issues to talk about... Just I am confused by my own feelings


Opposites attract


----------



## Veggie

Gawd I feel unbalanced. So I did end up texting the dude above back a few hours or so after I posted, at this street festival with my sister and her fiancé. At that point we were a little tipsy, and he said he was golfing with a couple of her friends. She then took it upon herself to grab the phone from my hands to try to convince everyone to meet up, and I just let it happen since 1. it was a nice solution to not feeling like dealing with it, and 2. I find shake-ups such as these amusing whilst drinking. 

They said they'd meet us at a bar when they finished up, and this obnoxious dude started harassing us in the meantime. He seriously reminded me of someone's psycho ex - from around the time period when I was seeing this guy, interestingly, and it was stirring up some really bad feelings, along with the given bad feelings when you sense a fight is on the horizon in a situation like that. They show up and I'm completely on edge, and feeling a little emotionally disoriented too, coupled with the drinks. Luckily nothing ever exploded though, and we just went back to my sister's house.

Things just felt kinda chaotic there, and I don't think I barely even talked to him. He was just sorta at the center of shenanigans, hard to get aside, not paying any particular attention to me, and I was feeling a little detached and removed anyway. It was like okay, so that's what's up, whatever. Good to see you. At least I think. Wondering if I said something weird later - I honestly don't even remember them leaving, I pretty much just checked out at some point - because I got this text that was something along the lines of like it's all good, hit me up tomorrrow… which, why wouldn't everything be all good? But at the same time, either way, why would I hit you up tomorrow? I responded by sending a classic push away text (gonna prob be pretty busy before I leave - awkwardly worded too, for good repellent measure). Good to know I still have that self defeating (?) trick up my sleeve. He reacted well though and just suggested grabbing dinner later this week if I had time. I then said something in turn like a more normal friendly person without issues might. But was that just sorta a natural response, in fairness? Idk, it was hard to judge the situation. There was a bit of tension at the bar what with the obnoxious dude, and then apparently one of his friends had more or less been dragged along, and had to get home to the family.

Anyway, I didn't feel normal or friendly. I don't know what was up, but I spent the entire morning crying, just feeling heavy and immobile. That night ended in a good ol' fight between my sister and I too, where she flips her crazy switch and tries to completely annihilate my ego from every angle possible. I'm not always the innocent, but it takes surprisingly little to flip that switch, and sometimes it takes nothing at all. We hadn't fought like that in a long time, and we've been spending a lot of time together lately. 

Strange series of events that triggered and stirred up all these sad, toxic emotions. I would have hung out with him in... 2013? It's hard to believe that's as long ago as it was. I look back at that general time period with a lot of bitter sweet nostalgia. I was a walking pile of insecurity after a few big life changes - I literally just felt fragile - but there was some beauty and bravery in that vulnerability too. I remember really believing back then that I'd find the trusting, honest, vulnerable relationship with someone I was attracted to, and I felt more available to it having just left an LTR - my life still felt like it had an opening there, and possibility and hope still felt alive on another level. I hadn't yet seen the same scenarios play out time and again, despite actively trying to break their patterns. The ultimate pattern breaker seemed to be to stop caring. 

Things really shifted in 2015 too. There was a murder in the family, and I'm pretty sure I had PTSD on some level afterwards. I didn't feel fragile anymore, my energy more felt hard to contain. Like I was a child who needed to act out. Ever since then I think I've sorta put the years right before that on a bit of a pedestal, and it just felt... I dunno. Dirty or something. Messing that up a bit with some of the real feelings of the time. And even more hopeless, like nothing remotely close to the ideal even exists, at least for me to obtain, in present, past or future :crying:

I think I'm officially ready to head back to home base and retreat to the mansion fortress. Take a nice long shower. To immerse myself in my worlds that rarely mingle and stay separate.

I am kinda curious if I should follow up and hit this guy up for dinner though. That always felt a little unfinished. We were never officially together so we never broke up, but we did see each other briefly, and kinda agreed to meet up again later when we were in different places. Or, well, he sorta more so suggested this, but I believe that if you don't grab a moment when it passes, you're setting a really sh*tty precedence about it's worth. So I told him he could contact me later if he wanted to, but not to expect me to. He did, but I was dating someone else at that time, and then I left the state (although I think those were always pretty much my plans, so maybe I'm a hypocrite). He would then say hello from time to time.

I don't know if he were even that into me sexually to begin with tho. I was a giant brat at the time who assumed that most guys were, but at that's best, I was a lot more confident (at least in that realm) and just... sexual, period. I don't know if anything would have even happened there if I hadn't been that way, however possibly delusionally (at least beyond, I mean, eh, okay I guess, if you're offering). 

He def didn't make me believe the other night that he thought of me in that way, so if I were to do this it would just have to be completely friendly. I know we're indoctrinating the world to believe that it's best that men treat women like non-sexual entities, but this is really starting to make me feel like the universe is scrubbing my vag down with sandpaper soaked in rubbing alcohol, while discombobulating my brain. I mean there's a line, but also a time and place for it. Idk though, maybe he genuinely just wanted to be friendly in catching up. Which okay, but then that just has to be closure. I'm not trying to destroy and confuse my ego to the brink of literal insanity again. (Which happened in that fragile summer of 2013). We were never really friends to begin with, so why wouldn't that be the end. I kinda wasn't lying when I said I don't have time (or really moreso, the energy or motivation) for this ish.

But, idk. Things are starting to feel like they're coming full circle so maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea just to confront stuff from that time period. I've made a lot of moves and changes, and yet I feel like I'm back to ground zero in ways regardless right now. There is something... um… sexy? About just feeling dirty and wanting the longest shower atm too :laughing: Especially after complaining about metaphorical rubbing alcohol on my most intimate girl friend. Maybe I shouldn't just run away from that all, generally.


----------



## Wisteria

Has anyone ever noticed how your partner is similar to one of your parents? And better yet, that you also have something in common with one of their parents? It's a very weird thing that I'm kinda noticing, maybe just a coincidence..


----------



## mimesis

Bad Bunny said:


> Has anyone ever noticed how your partner is similar to one of your parents? And better yet, that you also have something in common with one of their parents? It's a very weird thing that I'm kinda noticing, maybe just a coincidence..


The evolutionary explanation is that this is a good enough strategy for successful reproduction as it has resulted in you.


----------



## Purrfessor

Bad Bunny said:


> Has anyone ever noticed how your partner is similar to one of your parents? And better yet, that you also have something in common with one of their parents? It's a very weird thing that I'm kinda noticing, maybe just a coincidence..


The anima and animus, the oedipus, and the female version of oedipus. 

My first love had a gay dad. Hmmmm maybe that's why it didn't work out with us. 

Damn I'm like no ones dad. That explains a lot.


----------



## Wisteria

Euclid said:


> The problem is you just let yourself be used by others. And they can smell it on you from a distance, they know you are easy prey. You've got to draw the line and stop being so easy, then perhaps those who are interested in something more than just sex will take notice. You are still young and may still change paths before it's too late.


How is taking it slow with someone not drawing a line?

I dont actually have a problem with just sex, I don't think casual sex = letting myself be used. But for actual monogamous relationship I know it's better not to start off with anything sexual, so i wont do that the next time I might actually like someone. If I come across a guy who seems to have that casual/fun mentality and I'm attracted to them, its not letting myself be used its a choice I'm making.


----------



## Penny

Bad Bunny said:


> How is taking it slow with someone not drawing a line?
> 
> I dont actually have a problem with just sex, I don't think casual sex = letting myself be used. But for actual monogamous relationship I know it's better not to start off with anything sexual, so i wont do that the next time I might actually like someone. If I come across a guy who seems to have that casual/fun mentality and I'm attracted to them, its not letting myself be used its a choice I'm making.


 them being nice to you and friendly like then dropping you after you give them what they wanted only, is not letting yourself get used, it's just plain getting used for sex. i read a book that says for good solid relationships you need to connect on four levels, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. i think this is good advice. if you don't connect on all four levels then your partnership is probably doomed to fail. not saying a physical relationship can't turn into all that, but if you connect with the first three first the chances of getting used go way down. i mean if you aren't looking for a relationship and just want sex from a person that's one thing, but if you want to be with them, make sure some of the others are in place first.


----------



## Veggie

Euclid said:


> The problem is you just let yourself be used by others. And they can smell it on you from a distance, they know you are easy prey. You've got to draw the line and stop being so easy, then perhaps those who are interested in something more than just sex will take notice. You are still young and may still change paths before it's too late.


I know a number of relationships that began with sex on the first date. Two people either decide that they want to continue getting to know each other and get together or they don't, regardless of when it happens. If they're not on the same page that doesn't mean that the other person was prey. 

Is a man prey if the woman decides that she doesn't wish to pursue monogamy with him?


----------



## Wisteria

Penny said:


> them being nice to you and friendly like then dropping you after you give them what they wanted only, is not letting yourself get used, it's just plain getting used for sex. i read a book that says for good solid relationships you need to connect on four levels, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. i think this is good advice. if you don't connect on all four levels then your partnership is probably doomed to fail. not saying a physical relationship can't turn into all that, but if you connect with the first three first the chances of getting used go way down. i mean if you aren't looking for a relationship and just want sex from a person that's one thing, but if you want to be with them, make sure some of the others are in place first.


I know I was used for sex before, that was my first relationship a whole back. And I know that was a mistake on my part believe me, I suffered the consequences. I'll be damned if I let that happen to me again. 

By taking it slow though I literally do mean not getting physical and just doing other things with each other, so I don't get played. It still turns out with then saying they don't want a relationship and try to become physical instead. I'm fine with that person being my fwb currently.


----------



## Euclid

Bad Bunny said:


> How is taking it slow with someone not drawing a line?
> 
> I dont actually have a problem with just sex, I don't think casual sex = letting myself be used. But for actual monogamous relationship I know it's better not to start off with anything sexual, so i wont do that the next time I might actually like someone. If I come across a guy who seems to have that casual/fun mentality and I'm attracted to them, its not letting myself be used its a choice I'm making.


Taking it slow is fine, it's when you agree to that sort of arrangement that you have not drawn the line. Everybody who gets duped always makes a choice. It doesn't mean they don't get used, and many girls your age are foolish and think it's fine but realize later how they've screwed up. Even those who only have sex when they are sure that they are loved gets duped, and you haven't even drawn the line there.

Now, here's the point - the more you go after guys who have the causal/fun mentality, the more it gets hardwired into your neural pathways, and the harder it will be to get rid of it later, and the less you will be able to be satisfied in a monogamous relationship. You already have conflicting desires in you and it will get worse with time, and it will take much longer time to go cold turkey and get rid of that wiring. Guys who want a monogamous relationship, are hardwired to see through your behaviour and can tell from the smallest of hints that you are in the danger zone and are therefore not interested in you - which is why you only attract the others, and your chances will go down rapidly, so that's why I'm giving you my advice. Take it or leave it. Even if you don't now, I hope this serves as a reminder for you soon enough.


----------



## Veggie

Euclid said:


> Guys who want a monogamous relationship, are hardwired to see through your behaviour and can tell from the smallest of hints that you are in the danger zone and are therefore not interested in you - which is why you only attract the others, and your chances will go down rapidly, so that's why I'm giving you my advice. Take it or leave it. Even if you don't now, I hope this serves as a reminder for you soon enough.


I haven't found this to be the case, and I've had sex outside of loving, committed relationships. Most people tend to be down to just see where things go. I prefer this, as I've hurt people before who I gave more reassurance to upfront than I should have. Waiting to have sex in a sexual relationship isn't insurance of anything. It can also be a good way to get friendzoned. 

Obviously none of this is directed at me, but seeing this disempowering crap gets so old. More than anything, I've found that men like empowered, sexy, brave women who's behavior isn't led by a fear of getting hurt or rejected.


----------



## Wisteria

Euclid said:


> Taking it slow is fine, it's when you agree to that sort of arrangement that you have not drawn the line. Everybody who gets duped always makes a choice. It doesn't mean they don't get used, and many girls your age are foolish and think it's fine but realize later how they've screwed up. Even those who only have sex when they are sure that they are loved gets duped, and you haven't even drawn the line there.
> 
> Now, here's the point - the more you go after guys who have the causal/fun mentality, the more it gets hardwired into your neural pathways, and the harder it will be to get rid of it later, and the less you will be able to be satisfied in a monogamous relationship. You already have conflicting desires in you and it will get worse with time, and it will take much longer time to go cold turkey and get rid of that wiring. Guys who want a monogamous relationship, are hardwired to see through your behaviour and can tell from the smallest of hints that you are in the danger zone and are therefore not interested in you - which is why you only attract the others, and your chances will go down rapidly, so that's why I'm giving you my advice. Take it or leave it. Even if you don't now, I hope this serves as a reminder for you soon enough.


I know girls who used to have one night stands until they got a boyfriend they met at their uni. 

It's probably true that if I make it a pattern in my relationships, it will be harder to get out of it. It's hard for me to even know how a monogamous relationship should be. My parents were miserable in their marriage and divorced because my dad met another woman. My very first relationship, date and sexual experience was a guy using me for sex and was not looking for or ready for a relationship. Its hard to suddenly be monogamous, when I've always struggled to make worthwhile and lasting connections with others. And when I don't particularly mind the fwb, no strings attached approach as it's much less of a burden emotionally.


----------



## Wisteria

Veggie said:


> I haven't found this to be the case, and I've had sex outside of loving, committed relationships. Most people tend to be down to just see where things go. I prefer this, as I've hurt people before who I gave more reassurance to upfront than I should have. Waiting to have sex in a sexual relationship isn't insurance of anything. It can also be a good way to get friendzoned.
> 
> Obviously none of this is directed at me, but seeing this disempowering crap gets so old. More than anything, I've found that men like empowered, sexy, brave women who's behavior isn't led by a fear of getting hurt or rejected.


I agree with this, but as you said it depends if the behavior is led with good intention rather than something unhealthy like fear of rejection.


----------



## And1

I’ve been married 11 years with I hope so many more to go, and I was lucky enough to find my love early in life. All I’m going to say is that I hope everyone finds the love of their life, in whatever way they end up doing, and once they have it won’t be a question of how is this suppose to work or wondering if it’ll work, it’ll just work because you both will want it to; you won’t even wonder how it won’t. Love is to strong to fail, it finds paths you didn’t know possible, resources you never knew you had, no hardship in a relationship can break two mutually in love people, and my wife and I have had our fair share of it. Everyone has their own journey, make the best of it and learn from it and when you meet the right person, you’ll know, and that’s all that matters. My opinion anyway, whatever it’s worth to you all.


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

How I feel right now: 





:crying::blue::frown::grey::crying::crying:


And this is how romantic I feel in general.


----------



## Lovable

I never had a one night stand, I know I will get feelings for the person, which is not the point of an ont..


----------



## Firelily

Lovable said:


> I never had a one night stand, I know I will get feelings for the person, which is not the point of an ont..


you are not alone :happy:


----------



## Crowbo

Firelily said:


> you are not alone :happy:


I certainly wouldn't catch feelings meself as I'm a tough nut to crack but I can see how it'd be more difficult for others :laughing:

In that case. It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!


----------



## Firelily

Crowbo said:


> I certainly wouldn't catch feelings meself as I'm a tough nut to crack but I can see how it'd be more difficult for others :laughing:
> 
> In that case. It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
> View attachment 825407


:laughing:


----------



## ENIGMA2019

This is my un- romantic confession since the thread was closed...

@IDontThinkSo

Stalkers gonna stalk. I'm tired of your pathetic harassment enigma. Hurry up and return to your garbage can.

How about you stop talking to me since you have nothing constructive to say? Yep, that's what you'll do from now on. Time to clear out the can. I'm so sorry that your peak of popularity was back when you were a high school bully. No wait, a middle school bully.

My my... I was not talking to you however, you decided to quote me. I am not harassing you. Keep dreaming. There is nothing constructive to say to you.... lost cause. If you are clearing out the can maybe start with yourself? h: I am sorry you are delusional ~ maybe take your meds? That is precisely why I do not like you. Most people miss you bullying or being mean to others because it happens mainly in Spamworld or the ENTP forum. However, I assume that is because you got your butt kicked a lot in school. (from the looks of your pic years ago with your attitude hahaha). Anyway, I will not be speaking to you anymore. Your responses are lame and you love to report. Big boy that you are *smirks* Do not speak to me and I will not be speaking to you anymore.


----------



## angelfish

Happy romantic confession. 

I always have known my husband is very intelligent, insightful, and aware, but I am genuinely floored by his wisdom in dealing with the ups and downs in our relationship over the last year. We've both had our less than picture-perfect moments, but overall he has been calm and steady and firm. Recently, as I finally felt myself emotionally opening back up, I became seized by the anxiety that he wouldn't welcome me back in... which I would completely understand given all the hurt and distance and fear that we've dealt with over the last 8 months or so, beginning with a string of life-threatening illnesses and deaths in my family. But instead of any hesitation or concern he just enveloped me in a big warm hug and the most genuine smile and told me he was glad to have me. And he's been like that ever since. I feel like the prodigal son having come back home and it's warm and happy and full of sweet relief.

Relatedly... back a few years ago when we were planning our wedding, I'd initially assumed I'd be the one to do the programs (the little booklets that show what's going on in the ceremony). I was always a "project girl" in school, and this was the kind of artsy thing that was right up my alley. I even had it in mind how I'd lay out all the meaningful details of our wedding, like why we chose green as our color, how the flowers on the altar were a replica of the first flowers my husband ever gave me, etc. But as the wedding drew close, my husband offered to do the programs instead, and I was a tiny bit disappointed to let go of my vision but also happy and relieved that he was taking it on. (Though we read in so many sources that the "convention" is for men not to participate much in planning, he wanted to do a lot of work for our wedding, and he did it very well!) As it turned out, he did a beautiful job, with colors and designs and details I hadn't thought of. One thing in particular he added was a quote - _"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."_ We hadn't ever talked about it, so it surprised me to read it, but I approved. And... can confirm.

More than anything what I've learned is that while my love can't ever run out, my personal energy and therefore ability to infuse positive emotion into our relationship can, and I need to save some of it for my husband and me to enjoy together, and that's good and right and ok. Our friends and family don't just understand... they _like_ our presence together and miss it when it's not there. They understand us taking the time and space. They understand _me_ taking the time and space. I don't have to drain myself completely for people to like me and want me around.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

:laughing:


----------



## Blue Ribbon

I'm giving polyamory a chance. Here I am, happiest I've been in a relationship. It actually feels quite nice. I'm doing things I never would have done before.


----------



## ENIGMA2019




----------



## Gossip Goat

I kind of want to send my boyfriend a nice message telling him how thankful and appreciative I am of him. Mainly because he has this way of being, like if there's a problem he's so calm about it and it just rubs off on me. I feel like I approach things in an end of the world type of way and just seeing how calm and ready to find a solution he is or ready to give reassurance, is like something I feel is really valuable and I really appreciate it. I feel like he's so mature and calm about things that make me anxious (and vice versa) that it's just a really pleasant experience. 

Another thing is, I'm watching this show called Girls and there are scenes where these couples fight in ways that I thought were "normal" before, but now seem really dysfunctional. And my boyfriend has never ever sought to hurt my feelings and has always approached things in a very gentle and considerate manner. 

I think he's very intelligent and self aware which are things I value, and even though there have been hiccups and on rare occasions we don't see eye to eye he has always been a very mature and kind person towards me. 

Our anniversary is coming up soon, so perhaps perhaps I could say all that then, but I feel a little silly / embarrassed / ridiculous because it's so gooey and I don't really need to come across as more of a sensitive pussy than I already am. I would love to receive something like that but I know not everyone would.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

As fucked a mindset as this might be, I think what might help me with being comfortable in a relationship, is the idea that it will automatically have an expiration date. I don't ever want to get so comfortable with a person that I deny the real possibility I could lose them. I don't want to ever be uncomfortable with the idea of being alone. So, maybe this is how I need to look at it. As nothing but a learning experience. 

It's the same reason I'm a minimalist. I don't want to start to rely on anything that I wasn't born with. I can't, even if someone has proven they care for me. It's naturally instilled in me to think that everyone except my family will go their own way one day. I want to always be okay with this.

I'm also worried that no matter who I date, I'll always want to have sex with other people, just because I like to have fun honestly. But then, open relationships are a thing. And the sex might be so good with that one person that I decide they're worth the compromise of not fooling around.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

hufflepunk said:


> I'm also worried that no matter who I date, I'll always want to have sex with other people, just because I like to have fun honestly. But then, open relationships are a thing. And the sex might be so good with that one person that I decide they're worth the compromise of not fooling around.


As someone who has tried an open relationship, they're vastly overrated. Essentially, if you want an open relationship with someone, then you don't really want a relationship with that person and want a FwB instead but for some reason want to call it an open relationship, because that apparently sounds more respectable than saying you have a fuck buddy.

My wife and I tried it and we didn't like it. Sometimes monogamy just works best and trying new stuff just to seem progressive isn't worth the effort and possibly ruining a relationship in the process. I still kind of laugh at all of the silly things we tried when we were younger though.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Scoobyscoob said:


> I still kind of laugh at all of the silly things we tried when we were younger though.


For whatever reason, this reminds me of the opposite - of a time when women regularly got next to nothing out of sex. There was a widely attended lecture in Stockholm about female orgasm sometime in the 60s, and a lot of 50+ women walked out of it feeling "And I have gone my entire life without THIS!"

Suppose some things change for the better while others overshoot.


----------



## AnneM

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> Suppose some things change for the better while others _overshoot_.


Choice of words?


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

AnneM said:


> Choice of words?


It's S'n'R, anything goes :laughing:


----------



## NewBeginning

I feel like romantically I love my Omegle fling so much I can't even go back on that site. I'm mentally attached and he's addicting a.f. Physically we have multiple problems but wow he is so damn cute.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> For whatever reason, this reminds me of the opposite - of a time when women regularly got next to nothing out of sex. There was a widely attended lecture in Stockholm about female orgasm sometime in the 60s, and a lot of 50+ women walked out of it feeling "And I have gone my entire life without THIS!"
> 
> Suppose some things change for the better while others overshoot.


Ah, that must've been an eye opening lecture for the older women in the audience. 

My wife and I experiment a lot because, I'm actually her second relationship ever. So she was really inexperienced in a lot of areas and wanted to try a lot of things I normally wouldn't go for, but did it for her. That has on occasion resulted in some... interesting experiences and memories. :laughing:


----------



## Gossip Goat

I remember I once told this guy who wanted to be in a relationship with me that it might not be a good idea until he _knew_ me better because I was really insecure. 


* *






There were other reasons I wasn't particularly fond of the idea of us being in a relationship (he moved way too fast and that unnerved me and made it feel disingenuous, like the amount he claimed to feel didn't seem appropriate to the amount of time he knew me / our "relationship", etc)





And he kept reassuring me that we all have our insecurities and that it's okay. But I am sure that this guy, and most people, couldn't understand what I meant. And I guess it's not their fault, and MAYBE it's more common to be react in a reassuring way and assume that the other person is just being too hard on themselves. No one can really have the foresight to be like "oh, she really _is_ telling the truth about being unbearably insecure and that _is_ really off-putting. Guess she's right."

I said something similar to my now boyfriend about me wanting to go slower and keep getting to know each other, because I felt like we needed to know more than the good parts, and we had a brief exchange where he said he thought I already knew most of his bad parts because he was really honest, but I remember thinking I didn't say that because I wanted to know his bad parts. I wanted him to be aware of mine. I guess over the last year he's encountered some of the bad things about me. He's always so reassuring about everything but I still can't help but feel like he has to be so over/annoyed at some stuff. That's something I think about, how is he seemingly so okay with _everything_? Perhaps it's just my own self esteem talking. That's some of the bad stuff I wanted him to get to know before we got into a relationship. But it didn't work out that way, and much like a lot of people we're just working things out and finding out stuff about each other as we go along. 

These days have been a little harder for me. I haven't been feeling the best about myself. Hopefully it'll pass, I guess.


----------



## Convex

NewBeginning said:


> I feel like romantically I love my Omegle fling so much I can't even go back on that site. I'm mentally attached and he's addicting a.f. Physically we have multiple problems but wow he is so damn cute.


----------



## NewBeginning

Convex said:


>


What?


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Scoobyscoob said:


> As someone who has tried an open relationship, they're vastly overrated. Essentially, if you want an open relationship with someone, then you don't really want a relationship with that person and want a FwB instead but for some reason want to call it an open relationship, because that apparently sounds more respectable than saying you have a fuck buddy.
> 
> My wife and I tried it and we didn't like it. Sometimes monogamy just works best and trying new stuff just to seem progressive isn't worth the effort and possibly ruining a relationship in the process. I still kind of laugh at all of the silly things we tried when we were younger though.


It isn't about trying to sound more respectable, or trying to be progressive. That's what someone does when they care about other people's opinions of their relationship, to be honest. It was about me not wanting to feel obligated to do something I didn't want to in favor of being with another person. Not wanting to lose freedom to hang with other guys just to have one person's emotional companionship instead of just their body. But I'm sure there's a reason that's difficult for a lot of people, so I won't hold my breath on that. 

I'm still thinking about it but I DO know that I'm not about to give up that freedom, so that's something I'll have to tell him. I know I still heavily favor the idea of me being able to go out alone, possibly stay out all night, and not have to report back to anyone the whole time. I figure the best thing I can do is tell him exactly how I'm feeling and take it from there.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

hufflepunk said:


> It isn't about trying to sound more respectable, or trying to be progressive. That's what someone does when they care about other people's opinions of their relationship, to be honest. It was about me not wanting to feel obligated to do something I didn't want to in favor of being with another person. Not wanting to lose freedom to hang with other guys just to have one person's emotional companionship instead of just their body. But I'm sure there's a reason that's difficult for a lot of people, so I won't hold my breath on that.
> 
> I'm still thinking about it but I DO know that I'm not about to give up that freedom, so that's something I'll have to tell him. I know I still heavily favor the idea of me being able to go out alone, possibly stay out all night, and not have to report back to anyone the whole time. I figure the best thing I can do is tell him exactly how I'm feeling and take it from there.


Well I was simply telling you about my experiences and that it's probably better to just stay as friends or FwBs if you don't want to give up being non-committal but paradoxically are also seeking a relationship. The reason I say this is because there's almost always jealousy that begins to creep in and in an informal situation like with an open relationship, tends to end relationships 100% of the time. I've seen it happen probably a half dozen times and while some couples did get back together, most did not and destroyed their relationship, and in some cases marriage just to seem open-minded. It's not worth it, especially since every time it was the woman who started harboring feelings of jealousy while the guys were obliviously happy about the situation.

So I guess, an open relationship is fine if you keep an expiration date on the openness part and become either much more selective or take the relationship down to a FwBs situation if you think a full fledged relationship would be too imposing. But otherwise, yeah, nothing kills a relationship more thoroughly than wanting to maintain an openness aspect to it. 

But hey, if you do meet someone who completely agrees with you, then maybe it can work. It's just in my experience, open relationships don't work and it's usually one person trying to impose an incompatible lifestyle onto their partner.


----------



## Firelily

i really like to walk alone the beach in quiet moment, only talking when you see some form of nature to observe. the two of you, just enjoying to sound of the waves, feeling the salt air around me, the presence of each other. 

to me this is better than any date. although i like great food too :heart:


----------



## Wisteria

So this guy I've been talking to went away on holiday.. With his ex girlfriend. Am I crazy or is that weird? When we hung out he kept bringing up his ex as well. I thought this was because they were in a relationship for two years and they're still friends but.. Yeah.


----------



## Purrfessor

Bad Bunny said:


> So this guy I've been talking to went away on holiday.. With his ex girlfriend. Am I crazy or is that weird? When we hung out he kept bringing up his ex as well. I thought this was because they were in a relationship for two years and they're still friends but.. Yeah.


Nah you were used by him to get her attention. Women only care when the guy "moves on" so he "moved on" and now she wants him back.


----------



## Veggie

Bad Bunny said:


> So this guy I've been talking to went away on holiday.. With his ex girlfriend. Am I crazy or is that weird? When we hung out he kept bringing up his ex as well. I thought this was because they were in a relationship for two years and they're still friends but.. Yeah.


He's totally thinking about you though.

The self appointed hall monitor who "just wants to have a talk" with the guys who just may be, and no proof here, smoking pot... in university dorms :laughing:

Girl, stop wondering if you're crazy or weird and start wondering if you're stupid.


----------



## Wisteria

Veggie said:


> He's totally thinking about you though.
> 
> The self appointed hall monitor who "just wants to have a talk" with the guys who just may be, and no proof here, smoking pot... in university dorms :laughing:
> 
> Girl, stop wondering if you're crazy or weird and start wondering if you're stupid.


What are you talking about? I am dealing with enough toxicity from people right now so I'm really not in the mood to be called stupid. That is not constructive in any way.


----------



## Veggie

Bad Bunny said:


> What are you talking about? I am dealing with enough toxicity from people right now so I'm really not in the mood to be called stupid. That is not constructive in any way.


I read a thread of yours the other day that made me shake my head (and edit: the one where you talk about wanting to have a stern talking to with guys in your dorms who you suspect may be smoking pot, more specifically). This post made me shake my head even harder. 

I would use the word "obviously" in regards to that you aren't crazy, and that, yes, that is at the very least cause for concern, but that probably wouldn't be considered constructive either, even though I am validating you.

I've been dealing with toxicity also, and reading things like that is starting to make me feel crazy. It feels like women are becoming increasingly infantilized - not the opposite (progress?) - and there isn't even consistency in how this is done. Disturbingly I see it done most often by other women (...girl power?) and dudes with selfish interests. It was hard to see you nodding your head and saying "yes, sir, you're right" to the guy explaining to you that your problems stem from you giving it up too fast the other day too (because he's likely the insecure, degrading type to talk about women and a "cock carousel" in all reality).

You're a big girl (at least I'm assuming?) and I'm sure you'll get over my internet comment. At least I hope so.


----------



## Veggie

^It probably doesn't help that I'm pissed af at a couple hall monitor types rn either. It's cool to trigger women in attempts not to trigger women, and then ignore them apparently when you do. Because logic.

And so that I'm not derailing.

My romantic confession is that driving home yesterday I got a message from a guy I haven't seen in like fifteen years. I'm still having a hard time trying to figure out where to settle, but he's apparently back and forth between the same two cities also. It was funny synchronicity to get that message at almost exactly the halfway point of my trip. Like it was a bridge. He asked if I wanted to go out when he's here for work, and we were trying to coordinate schedules last night. Seeing people from home here always helps with the home sick. Banter was easy and fun. I used to have a little crush on him back in the day. I know he had one on me because he told everyone, and bragged when he got my number... but then he never called me.


----------



## Wisteria

Veggie said:


> I read a thread of yours the other day that made me shake my head (and edit: the one where you talk about wanting to have a stern talking to with guys in your dorms who you suspect may be smoking pot, more specifically). This post made me shake my head even harder.
> 
> I would use the word "obviously" in regards to that you aren't crazy, and that, yes, that is at the very least cause for concern, but that probably wouldn't be considered constructive either, even though I am validating you.
> 
> I've been dealing with toxicity also, and reading things like that is starting to make me feel crazy. It feels like women are becoming increasingly infantilized - not the opposite (progress?) - and there isn't even consistency in how this is done. Disturbingly I see it done most often by other women (...girl power?) and dudes with selfish interests. It was hard to see you nodding your head and saying "yes, sir, you're right" to the guy explaining to you that your problems stem from you giving it up too fast the other day too (because he's likely the insecure, degrading type to talk about women and a "cock carousel" in all reality).
> 
> You're a big girl (at least I'm assuming?) and I'm sure you'll get over my internet comment. At least I hope so.


I don't know what gave you the idea that I "wanted to have a talk" with guys in my dorms. The main reason for that thread was so I could be more streetwise rather than oblivious that someone smokes weed. 

I don't really need validation or criticism I just wanted second opinions as I realise I can be biased or not trusting when it comes to dating. And if you thought that why didn't you say what you thought at the time? And I did say I agree with your point too, but giving up way too fast when I shouldn't have done was a mistake of mine and I was just admitting that. I have been getting a lot of those comments from men on this forum that I shouldn't be sleeping around and I do generally disagree with them.

It doesn't matter if it's the internet, receiving criticism after criticism is getting old.


----------



## AnneM

Bad Bunny said:


> It doesn't matter if it's the internet, receiving criticism after criticism is getting old.


Amen and hallelujah to that, my friend. Don't despair. I didn't!


----------



## Veggie

Bad Bunny said:


> I don't know what gave you the idea that I "wanted to have a talk" with guys in my dorms. The main reason for that thread was so I could be more streetwise rather than oblivious that someone smokes weed.
> 
> I don't really need validation or criticism I just need second opinions. And if you thought that why didn't you say what you thought at the time? And I did say I agree with your point too, but giving up way too fast when I shouldn't have done was a mistake of mine and I was just admitting that. I have been getting a lot of those comments from men on this forum that I shouldn't be sleeping around and I do generally disagree with them.
> 
> *It doesn't matter if it's the internet, receiving criticism after criticism is getting old*.


Agreed! And I am sorry if I took that out on you. 

You said that you wanted to talk to them about their behavior. To be fair, it seemed to be coming from a genuine place, but these weren't guys that you had a relationship with either - at least that's what I gathered from what you said.

Streetwise - they were almost definitely smoking weed.

I did interject and post quote the cock carousel guy too.

You didn't make any mistake imo. I was basically being a bitch and saying that maybe what's really happening is that guys know that you're the type to lecture other random, college aged dudes about smoking weed. And so they bail or go back to ex's for that reason.

I'm kinda pissed at other women who I think are like this right now, and I took it out on you. Very dramatically, I think that they're fake feminists, illogical to the point of stupid, and ruining the world, honestly. If you don't think that fits your character, then maybe it doesn't.


----------



## Wisteria

Veggie said:


> Agreed! And I am sorry if I took that out on you.
> 
> You said that you wanted to talk to them about their behavior. To be fair, it seemed to be coming from a genuine place, but these weren't guys that you had a relationship with either - at least that's what I gathered from what you said.
> 
> Streetwise - they were almost definitely smoking weed.
> 
> I did interject and post quote the cock carousel guy too.
> 
> You didn't make any mistake imo. I was basically being a bitch and saying that maybe what's really happening is that guys know that you're the type to lecture other random, college aged dudes about smoking weed. And so they bail or go back to ex's for that reason.
> 
> I'm kinda pissed at other women who I think are like this right now, and I took it out on you. Very dramatically, I think that they're fake feminists, illogical to the point of stupid, and ruining the world, honestly. If you don't think that fits your character, then maybe it doesn't.


I know intervening probably isn't necessary. That thread is really old but I was probably thinking of the extreme like if it was actually becoming a problem for them - if you're a student then it could affect grades and things like that. But i don't judge people just for casually smoking it. No I wasn't in a relationship and my question kind of applied to anyone, not just guys. It's just very common in student dorms. 

And no i've definitely never done that. With my ex I never brought it up or lectured them about anything. One of them did bail - that was more him being a dick though.

I'm not sure what type of women you're talking about, but i accept your apology.


----------



## Wisteria

WritingLove said:


> Nah you were used by him to get her attention. Women only care when the guy "moves on" so he "moved on" and now she wants him back.


Who knows. I don't even know if the ex knows about me, and he didn't want me at his place the first time we hooked up. Only caring about someone when they move on isn't exclusive to women btw. My ex started crawling back to me perhaps after he sensed I was moving on. Even though this guy is only a fwb to me, it's weird af to me that he is still doing relationship things with his ex (he even said he was saying at their family's place). If we were dating I would be pissed at him right now. 

I have no idea what is going through someones head when they do things like that. Beats me.


----------



## Gossip Goat

Bad Bunny said:


> So this guy I've been talking to went away on holiday.. With his ex girlfriend. Am I crazy or is that weird? When we hung out he kept bringing up his ex as well. I thought this was because they were in a relationship for two years and they're still friends but.. Yeah.


That is weird to me. I think sometimes you have to think about whether or not it'd be reasonable to be upset over things, but other times the way you feel is the way you feel, and if you think that's weird and it bothers you (you didn't say it did, I'm just spitting words over here) then it's weird and it bothers you regardless of whether or not other people think you're not being trusting or progressive or whatever. 

Are you just getting to know him, do you want to be exclusive with him? I think the only way to make it less weird is for him to be frank about why he's going on holiday with a girl who he used to be involved with. They could _just_ be friends, but he or she could also not be over each other. Did the two of them go alone together? If that's the case, I don't know about anyone else but that's pretty weird to me.


----------



## Wisteria

Gossip Goat said:


> That is weird to me. I think sometimes you have to think about whether or not it'd be reasonable to be upset over things, but other times the way you feel is the way you feel, and if you think that's weird and it bothers you (you didn't say it did, I'm just spitting words over here) then it's weird and it bothers you regardless of whether or not other people think you're not being trusting or progressive or whatever.
> 
> Are you just getting to know him, do you want to be exclusive with him? I think the only way to make it less weird is for him to be frank about why he's going on holiday with a girl who he used to be involved with. They could _just_ be friends, but he or she could also not be over each other. Did the two of them go alone together? If that's the case, I don't know about anyone else but that's pretty weird to me.


Yes I think they went alone together, as he told me before he left that he was going away "with a friend" and staying at their family's house for a few days first. At the time I didn't realize it was his ex. He posted pictures of them both publicly and that's how I found out.

That's true, I have a bad habit of invalidating my feelings as irrational or just my anxiety. Even when in the past it turned out I had a reason to be worried about situations like that.

I've been talking to him for a couple months now. Even though I don't want to be exclusive it still bothers me for some reason. I don't want to be in the middle of him and his ex either, that puts me off him even more. I will definitely ask him why he went with her.


----------



## Gossip Goat

For some reason when I was younger I used to think that my ideal guy was someone who was really brooding and terse but who I could trust despite their lack of outwardly affection and such (think Jess from Gilmore Girls). It's really interesting reflecting now how utterly wrong that is for me. While the trust part is still really paramount I could nonetheless never deal or be happy with someone who's shut off in that way. And interestingly enough as well, despite having that ideal in my head, I never ended up gravitating towards that kind of person. It's always been much easier to interact, even as friends, with people who are quite the opposite.


----------



## Allersky

Gossip Goat said:


> For some reason when I was younger I used to think that my ideal guy was someone who was really brooding and terse but who I could trust despite their lack of outwardly affection and such (think Jess from Gilmore Girls). It's really interesting reflecting now how utterly wrong that is for me. While the trust part is still really paramount I could nonetheless never deal or be happy with someone who's shut off in that way. And interestingly enough as well, despite having that ideal in my head, I never ended up gravitating towards that kind of person. It's always been much easier to interact, even as friends, with people who are quite the opposite.


I feel this. Brooding, unaffectionate types are great until you realise that they're... brooding and unaffectionate. :dry:


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

Allersky said:


> I feel this. Brooding, unaffectionate types are great until you realise that they're... brooding and unaffectionate. :dry:


Why would they be attractive in the first place???


----------



## AnneM

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> Why would they be attractive in the first place???


Unfortunately. Just ask Catherine from _Wuthering Heights_.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid

AnneM said:


> Unfortunately. Just ask Catherine from _Wuthering Heights_.


I tried reading it but gave up after 80-ish pages. Bloody moron thought he was entitled to being socially entertained :exterminate:


----------



## AnneM

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> I tried reading it but gave up after 80-ish pages. Bloody moron thought he was entitled to being socially entertained :exterminate:


Yes, he and I have a lot in common.


----------



## Veggie

His energy is so calm. I wasn't feeling totally up to meeting him, but I wanted to see him before I left again. I don't think I even realized how frenetic I'd been feeling lately until I did. 

It's weird how I'm simultaneously relaxed and nervous around him. I don't normally get nervous around guys like that. But there's something very genuine about spending time with him. Just kinda taking each moment as it comes... which I guess is sorta vulnerable too.

This older guy was sitting like maybe a foot from him at the bar, and he wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping on our conversation. He was like literally turned towards, facing us, just staring... for like, a solid hour straight. He didn't say anything about it and I didn't want to start something - or have to include this guy in our evening - so I just tried to ignore it too. When he finally leaves I'm like, so you did notice.... ? "Oh, yea." Then he just starts laughing. The fact that he gave me his undivided and unbothered attention anyway was pretty chill. And I liked that he didn't give af about PDA and making out with me outside either. 

Going with the flow...


----------



## AnneM

Veggie said:


> His energy is so calm. I wasn't feeling totally up to meeting him, but I wanted to see him before I left again. I don't think I even realized how frenetic I'd been feeling lately until I did.
> 
> It's weird how I'm simultaneously relaxed and nervous around him. I don't normally get nervous around guys like that. But there's something very genuine about spending time with him. Just kinda taking each moment as it comes... which I guess is sorta vulnerable too.
> 
> This older guy was sitting like maybe a foot from him at the bar, and he wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping on our conversation. He was like literally turned towards, facing us, just staring... for like, a solid hour straight. He didn't say anything about it and I didn't want to start something - or have to include this guy in our evening - so I just tried to ignore it too. When he finally leaves I'm like, so you did notice.... ? "Oh, yea." Then he just starts laughing. The fact that he gave me his undivided and unbothered attention anyway was pretty chill. And I liked that he didn't give af about PDA and making out with me outside either.
> 
> Going with the flow...


:Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3:


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> :Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3::Smilies3:


Lol. Alas. It's probably a story that isn't going anywhere. We bond in our nomadic lifestyles, but I don't think he's trying to settle down any time soon, if ever, while I feel like I kinda... have to. Or at least there's a smaller window of opportunity for the option. 

Trying not to catch feels. He's a cutie though. This tall, tatted, drummer dude who secretly has this nerdy side I've recently been learning. Like he wears these hipster glasses sometimes and can talk to me at length about things like Saved By the Bell. haha.

I met him on a dating app years ago when I was purposefully trying to avoid serious, so it's sorta funny that it's something that's stuck around through time. I've tried to push it away, but he keeps coming around, and it's hard to say no to his energy. So yea, just going with the flow...


----------



## AnneM

Veggie said:


> Trying not to catch feels. He's a cutie though. This tall, tatted, drummer dude who secretly has this nerdy side I've recently been learning. Like he wears these hipster glasses sometimes and can talk to me at length about things like Saved By the Bell. haha.


Sigh. My type. I was watching Incubus videos the other night, and my husband, who looks kind of like this:






,
rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, Anne Marie's type, Anne Marie's type."

But, I mean, LOOK at him!







@Marvin the Dendroid You're going to think I'm totally contradicting myself here. BUT Associative Identity Order, remember!


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> Sigh. My type. I was watching Incubus videos the other night, and my husband, who looks kind of like this:
> View attachment 826091
> ,
> rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, Anne Marie's type, Anne Marie's type."
> 
> But, I mean, LOOK at him!
> View attachment 826093
> 
> @Marvin the Dendroid You're going to think I'm totally contradicting myself here. BUT Associative Identity Order, remember!


Yea, my type seems to be musicians and/or dudes who are into extreme sports or activities or something. I guess I never grew out of my "bad boy" phase. lol. They're the types most interested in me too though. I had a friend tell me once that I "am an extreme sport." :laughing: Still not entirely sure if that was a compliment or not...

This guy is a little buffer and cleaner cut looking. Sorta reminiscent of this somehow imo -









I guess time will tell whether any of this results in long term happiness lol. But I'm happy now so what does that even really mean?

Your husband looks hot :tongue: I hope you don't mind me saying so. I find the rugged, bearded look really appealing. Manly men with hair on their chest who ate their steak and potatoes!


----------



## AnneM

Veggie said:


> Your husband looks hot :tongue: I hope you don't mind me saying so. I find the rugged, bearded look really appealing. Manly men with hair on their chest who ate their steak and potatoes!


Ok, I have a job for you. He started a PerC account, and I need you to really flirt with him. He's thinking too hard about what he wants to post, so it might take him awhile. And he's probably just going to get bored with the threads really fast. But if you DO see hugMRM around, just go to town, woman. Go to town. I need his record to get a little dirtier to even things out.


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> Ok, I have a job for you. He started a PerC account, and I need you to really flirt with him. He's thinking too hard about what he wants to post, so it might take him awhile. And he's probably just going to get bored with the threads really fast. But if you DO see hugMRM around, just go to town, woman. Go to town. I need his record to get a little dirtier to even things out.


:laughing:

If I see him around organically maybe I'll throw him a little kiss-y emoji or something. Otherwise I'm not gonna go out of my way to flirt with your husband. lol. I am not for hire!!


----------



## AnneM

Veggie said:


> :laughing:
> 
> If I see him around organically maybe I'll throw him a little kiss-y emoji or something. Otherwise I'm not gonna go out of my way to flirt with your husband. lol. I am not for hire!!


Everyone has a price. :wink:


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> Everyone has a price. :wink:


True... true. Okay. If I do it you have to create exactly three new threads in the INFJ forum every day for a week. Make sure that they contain PG-13 material. Feed the bloodlust that exists in the hearts of adulteresses and the morally inferior everywhere!


----------



## AnneM

Veggie said:


> True... true. Okay. If I do it you have to create exactly three new threads in the INFJ forum every day for a week. Make sure that they contain PG-13 material. Feed the bloodlust that exists in the hearts of adulteresses and the morally inferior everywhere!


Sigh. I cannot do it. I try to be a Woman of my Word. I hate that.


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> Sigh. I cannot do it. I try to be a Woman of my Word. I hate that.


Def nothing wrong with integrity.

And I wouldn't have expected you to do that anyway. lol.


----------



## Wisteria

I'm really sick of dating. Just so done with it.

I confronted my fwb guy about going on holiday alone with his ex girlfriend and he acted like there was nothing wrong with it and they're just friends. Then he started saying dumb things like "what's the difference between going with my ex and another female friend?" idek where to start with that statement. It's like hes asking a question he knows the answer to. When I said that myself and other people found that weird he just said ignorantly that if they don't like it (him going on trips with his ex gf) that is their problem, and that he doesn't see her as his ex. Like it's besides the point ffs. If a girl was dating him and he did things like that she will be hurt or very mad. It doesn't matter if you don't see her as an ex, because it doesn't change the fact that she is. Even with a random female friend going on a trip to their familys house is just weird. It's like he doesn't realise how his actions affect others and does whatever he wants, like a child :/ He doesn't understand the basic rules of dating, or have any idea about boundaries.

And today I met with this guy who asked me out (not sure it was a date or not tbh) and now I just feel depressed. It was awkward as hell and I don't find anything interesting /attractive about him. I don't even know why I said yes. I feel so dissapointed at myself.


----------



## Lonewaer

Bad Bunny said:


> I'm really sick of dating. Just so done with it.
> 
> I confronted my fwb guy about going on holiday alone with his ex girlfriend and he acted like there was nothing wrong with it and they're just friends. Then he started saying dumb things like "what's the difference between going with my ex and another female friend?" idek where to start with that statement. It's like hes asking a question he knows the answer to. When I said that myself and other people found that weird he just said ignorantly that if they don't like it (him going on trips with his ex gf) that is their problem, and that he doesn't see her as his ex. Like it's besides the point ffs. If a girl was dating him and he did things like that she will be hurt or very mad. It doesn't matter if you don't see her as an ex, because it doesn't change the fact that she is. Even with a random female friend going on a trip to their familys house is just weird. It's like he doesn't realise how his actions affect others and does whatever he wants, like a child :/ He doesn't understand the basic rules of dating, or have any idea about boundaries.
> 
> And today I met with this guy who asked me out (not sure it was a date or not tbh) and now I just feel depressed. It was awkward as hell and I don't find anything interesting /attractive about him. I don't even know why I said yes. I feel so dissapointed at myself.


So you're fwb with this guy, and you also talk like you guys are committed… which is it ? What have you agreed upon ? It sounds to me like there is a confusion here about the situation in how you're talking about it, a mix between knowing the reality of it and the feelings of being betrayed to the point of having to confront him.

I wouldn't expect a fwb to stay exclusive, and I honestly now wouldn't expect that from someone I'm starting to date either. I would expect that from someone I'm committed and exclusive with. But if we're committed and exclusive, we're not fwb, we're boyfriend and girlfriend.

The one thing I'll join you in, is that these situations, regardless of the side you're on, make dating exhausting.


----------



## Queen of Cups




----------



## Aletheia

I wish I had stories of genuine, unencumbered romance. If I did, I'd probably keep them to myself.



Though it was pretty cute when the INTP I went on a date with walked me down the boardwalk to the ocean because I had mentioned that was the one place I wanted to go while I was there. We had spent the earlier part of the evening at this bar and it was clear neither of us wanted to stop spending time together. So both a little tipsy, once we made it to a spot near the water where we could sit and talk, he kissed me.


And then, since we don't live in the same city, he drunk texted me a couple nights ago talking about my booty. FUCKING ROMANCE


----------



## Wisteria

Lonewaer said:


> So you're fwb with this guy, and you also talk like you guys are committed… which is it ? What have you agreed upon ? It sounds to me like there is a confusion here about the situation in how you're talking about it, a mix between knowing the reality of it and the feelings of being betrayed to the point of having to confront him.
> 
> I wouldn't expect a fwb to stay exclusive, and I honestly now wouldn't expect that from someone I'm starting to date either. I would expect that from someone I'm committed and exclusive with. But if we're committed and exclusive, we're not fwb, we're boyfriend and girlfriend.
> 
> The one thing I'll join you in, is that these situations, regardless of the side you're on, make dating exhausting.


The reason I confronted him was because of the worst case scenario - he's still dating his ex while hooking up with me on the side. That would be very wrong, especially if she didn't know about it. I know theres no commitment, and I wouldn't expect exclusiveness from him either. The way I see it, you either have many casual relationships or a serious one, but not both.

It's actually him who doesn't want me sleeping with other guys. He has asked me a few times if I'm doing it with someone else too, and I think he doesn't approve of "fucking multiple people". It was me who told him he can't expect me to not act single if it's just casual between us. That is where my confusion comes from and why I said he doesn't seem to understand the rules of dating.


----------



## Wisteria

Aletheia said:


> I wish I had stories of genuine, unencumbered romance. If I did, I'd probably keep them to myself.
> 
> 
> 
> Though it was pretty cute when the INTP I went on a date with walked me down the boardwalk to the ocean because I had mentioned that was the one place I wanted to go while I was there. We had spent the earlier part of the evening at this bar and it was clear neither of us wanted to stop spending time together. So both a little tipsy, once we made it to a spot near the water where we could sit and talk, he kissed me.
> 
> 
> And then, since we don't live in the same city, he drunk texted me a couple nights ago talking about my booty. FUCKING ROMANCE


Lol he's definitely just looking for a piece of ass 

The going to a bar and getting tipsy should be enough to confirm he just wants to have some fun. On the plus side, he's very attracted to you. Bad news is he sounds like hes only interested in a casual fling. It might go somewhere more romantic but the likely situation is he will end up telling you he doesn't want anything serious, isn't looking for a relationship, something like that.


----------



## Veggie

Bad Bunny said:


> The going to a bar and getting tipsy should be enough to confirm he just wants to have some fun. On the plus side, he's very attracted to you. Bad news is he sounds like hes only interested in a casual fling. It might go somewhere more romantic but the likely situation is he will end up telling you he doesn't want anything serious, isn't looking for a relationship, something like that.


Maybe. Or maybe he actually wants to just talk to and get to know you. Drinks can end in sex so there is that motivation for choosing such a locale, lol, but a lot of dating turns into sex anyway  

Initial bar dates are my favorite tbh. I feel bad because I never really end up all that attracted to the guys who plan out these more elaborate dates. The bonding just feels kinda... insincere or something to me. Hard to describe. Way more fun to have those dates when you've already had a drunken convo about your mothers or something too imo lol.


----------



## Aletheia

@Bad Bunny

We had originally planned to go to the beach and I asked him to bring drinks. By the time I was able to go out in the evening, it was raining so indoors made more sense.

I think I have a pretty good read on the situation all in all and I haven't decided what it is that I want yet either, (if anything more than a fling ) We had almost non-stop conversation, a significant intellectual connection and yes, attraction, otherwise it wouldn't have went anywhere past the first drink.


----------



## Veggie

Thinking about two of my past bar dates - one ended in sex, the other didn't. But that dude brought up going on a more formal date a few times. I didn't follow up on it because I was honestly kind of annoyed that he didn't get more physical lol.

What is the better indicator of attraction? It's hard to say. They also just seem to have different ways of approaching life too, from in depth convo's I've had with both. Neither were first dates.

...and I need a good fling this summer. I've had a few memorable ones now. Last year I met this guy, went out on his boat, and raced against the dolphins who were jumping right alongside us. It's a cute memory. We went all over the city, did these historical tours together, pretty much double dated with this couple we met out and about... was fun. He sent me a picture of our names that he'd tagged on a building a few months afterwards. I doubt I'll ever see him again, but there was something romantic about it anyway.

I should plan an actual vacation. That's where they happen.






...lol.


----------



## Aletheia

@Veggie

Ha, I probably would have been a little annoyed too. I think this INTP and I followed up on each other's signals pretty well and after the first couple hours we spent together, I knew what I wanted. 

Yeah, connection is connection, even if it's not going to last forever. Part of what even makes those kind of romances is being open to the unknown. And that date does sound really cute. Did you ever get the sense that he wanted more, or were you both inclined to leave it where it was?


----------



## Veggie

Aletheia said:


> @Veggie
> 
> Ha, I probably would have been a little annoyed too. I think this INTP and I followed up on each other's signals pretty well and after the first couple hours we spent together, I knew what I wanted.
> 
> Yeah, connection is connection, even if it's not going to last forever. Part of what even makes those kind of romances is being open to the unknown. And that date does sound really cute. Did you ever get the sense that he wanted more, or were you both inclined to leave it where it was?


Well good luck with it  

And I'm honestly not sure. I swear I kinda fell in love with this guy a couple summers before that. In all of these instances we lived a fairly good distance apart. With him, I'd heard that he had a bad reputation, so I wasn't really taking anything seriously. But hey, he was really good looking, funny, and it's not like I have the squeakiest record myself, lol, so why not have some fun? He started talking about trying to track the distance before we left and caught me really off guard. I hadn't even really considered that as being an option. Anyway, without going into the whole story, nothing came of it. I'm not sure if it was anyone's fault, if things would have gone differently if they were, how much interest was there beyond getting caught up in the moment... idk.

And well, it was a series of dates, in the quoted story. I actually met this guy on Tinder, and then more specifically at a bar. We bonded over who could draw a more offensive Abraham Lincoln on a napkin (it was a... thing there), and then over trying to convince this woman who wouldn't leave us alone that we were cousins, while, like, obviously not behaving as so. Inappropriate humor is the key to my heart :heart::laughing: He didn't necessarily seem like the "boyfriend type" either - he'd just moved back home after working as a DJ in NYC. So again, wasn't taking it super seriously. We did hang throughout the week though and I could feel myself getting attached again. I left for the beach about half an hour out from him after we'd spent several consecutive days together, and asked if he wanted to come. It was sorta out of his way but he agreed to. I did some day drinking in the sun, waiting for him to get off work, and then went back to my room and passed out. I think it was subconsciously avoidant on purpose... feelings from this sorta thing in the past had been triggered. I wake up later with some sad texts like - "Hey, I came, but you were asleep and you wouldn't wake up " Ugh. Like they weren't even mad texts. I felt like such an a*hole. I apologized and he was so nice about it - "It's alright, you're on vacation" - but I didn't have the balls to ask him to come see me again, and I had to leave like the next day anyway.


----------



## AnneM

My romantic confession is that y'all's posts about dates and flings are kind of depressing me.


----------



## Purrfessor

AnneM said:


> My romantic confession is that y'all's posts about dates and flings are kind of depressing me.


You don't have to be a dating type of person. I'm not. I like to find more meaning in life than fun.


----------



## Veggie

WritingLove said:


> You don't have to be a dating type of person. I'm not. I like to find more meaning in life than fun.


What have you found?


----------



## Aletheia

Veggie said:


> Well good luck with it
> 
> And I'm honestly not sure. I swear I kinda fell in love with this guy a couple summers before that. In all of these instances we lived a fairly good distance apart. With him, I'd heard that he had a bad reputation, so I wasn't really taking anything seriously. But hey, he was really good looking, funny, and it's not like I have the squeakiest record myself, lol, so why not have some fun? He started talking about trying to track the distance before we left and caught me really off guard. I hadn't even really considered that as being an option. Anyway, without going into the whole story, nothing came of it. I'm not sure if it was anyone's fault, if things would have gone differently if they were, how much interest was there beyond getting caught up in the moment... idk.
> 
> And well, it was a series of dates, in the quoted story. I actually met this guy on Tinder, and then more specifically at a bar. We bonded over who could draw a more offensive Abraham Lincoln on a napkin (it was a... thing there), and then over trying to convince this woman who wouldn't leave us alone that we were cousins, while, like, obviously not behaving as so. Inappropriate humor is the key to my heart :heart::laughing: He didn't necessarily seem like the "boyfriend type" either - he'd just moved back home after working as a DJ in NYC. So again, wasn't taking it super seriously. We did hang throughout the week though and I could feel myself getting attached again. I left for the beach about half an hour out from him after we'd spent several consecutive days together, and asked if he wanted to come. It was sorta out of his way but he agreed to. I did some day drinking in the sun, waiting for him to get off work, and then went back to my room and passed out. I think it was subconsciously avoidant on purpose... feelings from this sorta thing in the past had been triggered. I wake up later with some sad texts like - "Hey, I came, but you were asleep and you wouldn't wake up " Ugh. Like they weren't even mad texts. I felt like such an a*hole. I apologized and he was so nice about it - "It's alright, you're on vacation" - but I didn't have the balls to ask him to come see me again, and I had to leave like the next day anyway.



Ah, so it kind of had a slow-burn to it. Those kind are really nice. And yeah, idk, I just appreciate the realness of having a drink with someone and letting the connection dictate where it goes, not any predetermined set of rules for yourself. Your bar story definitely cracked me up - I love those moments of being in on a joke that no one else but you and the other person know about, haha.

My hopeless romantic self is definitely going to show here too, but there's also just something beautiful about letting something come and go on its own time and neither person grasping or forcing anything all too much.


----------



## Aletheia

AnneM said:


> My romantic confession is that y'all's posts about dates and flings are kind of depressing me.


Why tho?


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> What have you found?


life after death

https://pics.me.me/so-then-she-says-you-only-live-once-memeful-com-16087557.png


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> What have you found?


Also, a feeling that I've been chasing ever since I felt it. Maybe when I'm older I'll find meaning in sharing that feeling with others. But for now, this feeling is my muse. I won't even begin to put it into words until, until I'm going to put it into words. Lots of words.


----------



## Veggie

Aletheia said:


> Ah, so it kind of had a slow-burn to it. Those kind are really nice. And yeah, idk, I just appreciate the realness of having a drink with someone and letting the connection dictate where it goes, not any predetermined set of rules for yourself. Your bar story definitely cracked me up - I love those moments of being in on a joke that no one else but you and the other person know about, haha.
> 
> My hopeless romantic self is definitely going to show here too, but there's also just something beautiful about letting something come and go on its own time and neither person grasping or forcing anything all too much.


Haha, it was additionally funny because I don't think either one of us were "in" on the joke either, lol. It just kinda took on a life of it's own. This drunk girl kept telling us what a cute couple we were, and we had, like, literally just met. So it turned into some sort of "oh, we're not..." "yea, we're family actually" - "cousins, more precisely" ...then she turns away and one of us gropes the other, or something similar when she looks back... "oh, haha, you got me" …"no, we really are" - and so on. Maybe it was mean, but she was being so sloppy and making us so uncomfortable :laughing: It was kind of d'aww though that we were apparently giving off couple vibes to someone rather than awkward first date ones 

Those were both more so fast-burn things really that ended in quick thumps, lol. The situations I'm in now are slow burns. My longest term relationship was too though. I think sometimes I want to avoid everything about that relationship, and so I've idealized the fast-burn a bit. Last night the guy I was out with was telling me this story, too... and something about the details just reminded me of an ex. I had to really temper an OMG, it IS YOU again, isn't it? moment (I mean, not literally, but). Similarities between people you date are weird. A lot of people have a general "type" I think, and so they're bound to appear, but even regardless... just in doing couple-y things together you'll probably find similarities in certain roles that people take on. Really trying to remind myself to focus on the differences, and really... just not to focus on any of it all. Try to take it in more holistically. 

And yea, I agree that connection should dictate where something goes. I can have a hard time with that since I do have some predetermined rules, but one of those is that if someone really convinces you to break those rules, then go with it. They're kinda more so... guidelines. To keep from wasting time and giving people a chance to convince you in the first place, really... but sometimes it just happens anyway. 

My turn to be a hopeless romantic! :tongue:

_"This is crazy"

"I know, it doesn't make any sense, that's why I trust it" - Titanic_


* *











* *




I don't care lol.


----------



## Aletheia

Veggie said:


> Haha, it was additionally funny because I don't think either one of us were "in" on the joke either, lol. It just kinda took on a life of it's own. This drunk girl kept telling us what a cute couple we were, and we had, like, literally just met. So it turned into some sort of "oh, we're not..." "yea, we're family actually" - "cousins, more precisely" ...then she turns away and one of us gropes the other, or something similar when she looks back... "oh, haha, you got me" …"no, we really are" - and so on. Maybe it was mean, but she was being so sloppy and making us so uncomfortable :laughing: It was kind of d'aww though that we were apparently giving off couple vibes to someone rather than awkward first date ones
> 
> Those were both more so fast-burn things really that ended in quick thumps, lol. The situations I'm in now are slow burns. My longest term relationship was too though. I think sometimes I want to avoid everything about that relationship, and so I've idealized the fast-burn a bit. Last night the guy I was out with was telling me this story, too... and something about the details just reminded me of an ex. I had to really temper an OMG, it IS YOU again, isn't it? moment (I mean, not literally, but). Similarities between people you date are weird. A lot of people have a general "type" I think, and so they're bound to appear, but even regardless... just in doing couple-y things together you'll probably find similarities in certain roles that people take on. Really trying to remind myself to focus on the differences, and really... just not to focus on any of it all. Try to take it in more holistically.
> 
> And yea, I agree that connection should dictate where something goes. I can have a hard time with that since I do have some predetermined rules, but one of those is that if someone really convinces you to break those rules, then go with it. They're kinda more so... guidelines. To keep from wasting time and giving people a chance to convince you in the first place, really... but sometimes it just happens anyway.
> 
> My turn to be a hopeless romantic! :tongue:
> 
> _"This is crazy"
> 
> "I know, it doesn't make any sense, that's why I trust it" - Titanic_
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 826125
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't care lol.


Aww, haha. Did you know his typing? Relationship dynamics by type are always really intriguing to me, even though there's a thousand different ways that can present itself. And that's kind of bizarre, but there's always that one drunk person ;P. When I met this guy, I got there a little early, found a booth and ordered a drink. There was this couple at another table that were glancing over at me and eventually the guy got up and sat at my table, telling me this riddle. It was pretty amusing, honestly. All the while his girlfriend (I presume) eyeing us both up. He invited me to their table, but I told him I was meeting someone. I then proceeded to tell the INTP that exchange and the riddle which definitely got his NT gears spinning, haha.

Ah yeah, I get that. My most recent ex was an ENTP so the intellectual connection was familiar but the connection itself and feel of it was way different. I think it probably had to do with this INTP being a fair bit older and maybe (a little) more comfortable in his skin.


Oooh, and cheese it up! I'm under the impression that's what this thread is for. At least, that's what I came here for :tongue: .


----------



## Veggie

WritingLove said:


> Also, a feeling that I've been chasing ever since I felt it. Maybe when I'm older I'll find meaning in sharing that feeling with others. But for now, this feeling is my muse. I won't even begin to put it into words until, until I'm going to put it into words. Lots of words.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> View attachment 826127


Pretty much. 

Now instead of warm hugs I give dragon fire hugs that cure cancer


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## AnneM

Aletheia said:


> Why tho?


Well.....I read about Veggie's fun adventures with men she's attracted to who reciprocate the interest, and it makes me sad because there's always been some sort of short circuit in my romance life. I feel bad saying that, a little. Because I'm really happy with where I ended up. But I can't help but feel I missed out of some part of life, you know? I was in a deathly serious relationship from age 16-19. After we crashed and burned, I expected SOMEBODY to ask me out. Nope. Nada. I was out there, too, on the party scene making myself very available. When I lamented this to my girlfriends, they would ALWAYS say the same thing, "Oh, Anne Marie. They're all just intimidated by you!" THAT is not very comforting. I do NOT take that as a compliment, at all.  

I had my crazy blind dates in Austin, but those don't count, for several reasons. They didn't actually KNOW me before the date was arranged. And also just about none of them ever called me again. 

I asked my husband, "Am I just terrifying or something?" And he said, "Kinda. But I like it." Good answer. 

I just feel like God put some kind of bag over my head in this life. Or some kind of force field around me to keep men away. 

I told my husband, "There have only ever been two kinds of men willing to admit their attraction to me: condescending nerds who think they're better than everybody but can't remember basic hygiene. And middle-aged Hispanic men who talk to me when I'm walking somewhere."


----------



## AnneM

WritingLove said:


> Also, a feeling that I've been chasing ever since I felt it. Maybe when I'm older I'll find meaning in sharing that feeling with others. But for now, this feeling is my muse. I won't even begin to put it into words until, until I'm going to put it into words. Lots of words.


Can I pre-order that?


----------



## AnneM

My overwhelming honesty compels me to add: _I'm_ a condescending nerd who think she's better than everybody but can't remember basic hygiene. But I thought _opposites_ were supposed to attract??


----------



## Veggie

Aletheia said:


> Aww, haha. Did you know his typing? Relationship dynamics by type are always really intriguing to me, even though there's a thousand different ways that can present itself. And that's kind of bizarre, but there's always that one drunk person ;P. When I met this guy, I got there a little early, found a booth and ordered a drink. There was this couple at another table that were glancing over at me and eventually the guy got up and sat at my table, telling me this riddle. It was pretty amusing, honestly. All the while his girlfriend (I presume) eyeing us both up. He invited me to their table, but I told him I was meeting someone. I then proceeded to tell the INTP that exchange and the riddle which definitely got his NT gears spinning, haha.
> 
> Ah yeah, I get that. My most recent ex was an ENTP so the intellectual connection was familiar but the connection itself and feel of it was way different. I think it probably had to do with this INTP being a fair bit older and maybe (a little) more comfortable in his skin.
> 
> 
> Oooh, and cheese it up! I'm under the impression that's what this thread is for. At least, that's what I came here for :tongue: .


I'm not sure. I'm assuming he's more on the introverted side tho. We were talking about various roommate situations throughout the years - and he used to travel with a band... they were kinda similar. Wanting some space, wanting to avoid unnecessary interaction (I'll sometimes time laundry, etc when I'm fairly certain everyone's at work or something lol)… but ultimately feeling friendly overall, and appreciating the company. He can flow with a conversation and talk about a lot of varied things. He seems to have a large knowledge base. The ex (also more on the introverted side) did too, but I remember feeling like he was always kinda like... surprising me with it. Like he enjoyed the thought of being the smartest person in the room and he'd only occasionally share. lol. Maybe not. So that's a difference. It could just be an age thing also, yea.

His lifestyle is different than my longest term relationship too, but it's hard to say what directions we would have gone in if we hadn't gotten together so young. I was with that guy from 19-27. He was in finance, and I worked in the corporate scene for a good majority of that time. Actually found this site at the end of all that. Went back to school, started fantasizing about RV'ing across the country, trying to test just how frugally I could live... basically just leaving everything behind. I wonder if I were a good influence in his life or not. If he would have gone a less traditional route with his lifestyle otherwise too. There were a lot of other problems though, so I don't think I just like, abandoned everything. The break was pretty mutual. Still it's weird. If you can't define someone by their lifestyle, and you can't define them by their personality type, how do you? And I guess you don't really need to. Maybe that's that holistic luv thing. lol. 

That relationship wasn't all bad, but I do feel like I need something new and different this time, long term, for fear of kinda falling into the same patterns. Like okay - this time I want an extravert, and just basically... the opposite. But then my first ex was very extraverted, so I guess at some point if you keep dating you'll start inevitably running into the same things. This guy is now the ...third? guy I've gone out with who's in a band... though they're all pretty different too, thinking about it. I still talk to one of the others sometimes. My friend told me that she thought he had "smiling eyes" and my type was referred to as the "laughing Bacchus" lol. 

So anyway, I'm rambling but I'm not sure about _MBTI_ type and I kinda don't want to try to figure it out. lol. It doesn't help with people sorta merging as patterns in my mind. Maybe eventually if this were to keep going and had more to fuel it's uniqueness. 

~I am so curious about this riddle. lol. My crazy butt would probably take it as some sort of synchronistic "sign" or something about the date. Like he'd been implanted a cryptic message from the universe about it that he felt the overwhelming compulsion to share


----------



## Wisteria

Veggie said:


> Maybe. Or maybe he actually wants to just talk to and get to know you. Drinks can end in sex so there is that motivation for choosing such a locale, lol, but a lot of dating turns into sex anyway
> 
> Initial bar dates are my favorite tbh. I feel bad because I never really end up all that attracted to the guys who plan out these more elaborate dates. The bonding just feels kinda... insincere or something to me. Hard to describe. Way more fun to have those dates when you've already had a drunken convo about your mothers or something too imo lol.


Yeah I like those kind of dates too, but that's not the only reason I was saying that to Alelthia. She also said he was texting her about how much he liked her ass or something. A guy who is interested in getting to know her doesn't just say things like that. Getting drunk is known for ending in a one night stand, and I think he's probably got that idea.


----------



## Veggie

Bad Bunny said:


> Yeah I like those kind of dates too, but that's not the only reason I was saying that to Alelthia. She also said he was texting her about how much he liked her ass or something. A guy who is interested in getting to know her doesn't just say things like that. Getting drunk is known for ending in a one night stand, and I think he's probably got that idea.


I don't usually get "drunk" when I get drinks on a date, honestly. Usually it's two or three beers max... maybe a shot depending on how long we stay. (A couple or a few martini's if it's more of a lounge-ish kinda place). I've talked for hours with people before, and just gone home afterwards (maybe after some hanky panky, lol, but not sex). It's a convenient way to get out of the date earlier too if you're not feeling it. Wanna stay for one more? No, I really gotta be going... have to wake up early tomorrow. You aren't locked into some situation with someone if you already know it's not gonna work. Just blame it on the alcohol, lol. 

Idk, I guess if you're not really a drinker it's different. I tend to dates guys who drink and don't really see it as any big deal.

Interestingly I think the only thing I've really had that was close to a one night stand was on a sober date. We went on a walk, got dinner, he enticed me back with - you don't watch Game of Thrones? I'ma get you into it, let's go. It seemed kinda obviously like a - "do you wanna come up for coffee?" sorta deal... Netflix and chill - but I was game. We did talk for a bit after that, but I was leaving for vacation, also talking to someone else, and then it just kinda fizzled out. This was a couple years ago but I just heard from him again not too long ago, actually. Didn't feel like re-opening that.

I have had sex on the first date involving alcohol too though, but it didn't result in a one night stand. And I have had those wild nights. Like you go out for a happy hour, and then stay out all night long and wake up in a hotel room with a pizza box lying between the two of you. lol. 

But yea, you're right, some people might still get a certain idea about things regardless. Still though, for me, personally, if we're connecting on an intellectual level like she said they were, and then you're drunk thinking about my booty, what is the hang up? And if the person has hang ups, they're probably not the kind of guy I want to be with. It's not just about getting to know someone, it's about forming a sexual relationship with them too. If they expect me to put them through a ton of old-fashioned hoops, that's not a good precedence imo.


----------



## Aletheia

Veggie said:


> I'm not sure. I'm assuming he's more on the introverted side tho. We were talking about various roommate situations throughout the years - and he used to travel with a band... they were kinda similar. Wanting some space, wanting to avoid unnecessary interaction (I'll sometimes time laundry, etc when I'm fairly certain everyone's at work or something lol)… but ultimately feeling friendly overall, and appreciating the company. He can flow with a conversation and talk about a lot of varied things. He seems to have a large knowledge base. The ex (also more on the introverted side) did too, but I remember feeling like he was always kinda like... surprising me with it. Like he enjoyed the thought of being the smartest person in the room and he'd only occasionally share. lol. Maybe not. So that's a difference. It could just be an age thing also, yea.
> 
> His lifestyle is different than my longest term relationship too, but it's hard to say what directions we would have gone in if we hadn't gotten together so young. I was with that guy from 19-27. He was in finance, and I worked in the corporate scene for a good majority of that time. Actually found this site at the end of all that. Went back to school, started fantasizing about RV'ing across the country, trying to test just how frugally I could live... basically just leaving everything behind. I wonder if I were a good influence in his life or not. If he would have gone a less traditional route with his lifestyle otherwise too. There were a lot of other problems though, so I don't think I just like, abandoned everything. The break was pretty mutual. Still it's weird. If you can't define someone by their lifestyle, and you can't define them by their personality type, how do you? And I guess you don't really need to. Maybe that's that holistic luv thing. lol.
> 
> That relationship wasn't all bad, but I do feel like I need something new and different this time, long term, for fear of kinda falling into the same patterns. Like okay - this time I want an extravert, and just basically... the opposite. But then my first ex was very extraverted, so I guess at some point if you keep dating you'll start inevitably running into the same things. This guy is now the ...third? guy I've gone out with who's in a band... though they're all pretty different too, thinking about it. I still talk to one of the others sometimes. My friend told me that she thought he had "smiling eyes" and my type was referred to as the "laughing Bacchus" lol.
> 
> So anyway, I'm rambling but I'm not sure about _MBTI_ type and I kinda don't want to try to figure it out. lol. It doesn't help with people sorta merging as patterns in my mind. Maybe eventually if this were to keep going and had more to fuel it's uniqueness.
> 
> ~I am so curious about this riddle. lol. My crazy butt would probably take it as some sort of synchronistic "sign" or something about the date. Like he'd been implanted a cryptic message from the universe about it that he felt the overwhelming compulsion to share


I agree, there's so much nuance to a dynamic between two people, but I've been in this stuff for so long that sometimes it can't help but come into my mind if I end up noticing a little quirk someone has, or a very specific way of doing things. I feel it can be really enlightening too and allow a little more room for someone to just... be who they are. The pattern comes in and out of view.
I'm into the rambling, haha, and just piecing it all together. I was in a relationship off and on with an INTJ from about 17-22. The break, initially, was fairly mutual and level headed... until his feelings caught up to him and then it was kind of a crash and burn. I wanted to get out of town, so I moved to this little BnB in the woods for a year. Anyway, I think a lot of women of a certain kind can harbour that gypsy-leave everything behind fantasy. 

I keep telling myself I need a feel-y guy, but then it's always, always NT's. Some patterns are hard to break :crazy:

So, the riddle. I forget the first line of it entirely but I don't think it's essential to getting it right. It as something like... What do the poor already have, the rich don't want and if you eat it you'll die. And haha, I honestly think they may have felt a little bad for me, sitting there all alone. That, or threesome....!

The synchronistic spinny gears in my brain went in a different direction - we got talking about meditation and realized that we both went to the same 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat the exact same summer two years ago. The location is kind of like, the midpoint between us so... I thought was interesting.


@Bad Bunny going off your recent post, it sounds like you could be projecting some of your own stuff. Again, I have a pretty good read on the situation and a lot more goes into it all than A = B. Just because sexual chemistry comes into the equation doesn't mean everything else leading up to it isn't just as significant. As for anything more, time will tell.


----------



## Veggie

Aletheia said:


> I'm into the rambling, haha, and just piecing it all together. I was in a relationship off and on with an INTJ from about 17-22. The break, initially, was fairly mutual and level headed... until his feelings caught up to him and then it was kind of a crash and burn. I wanted to get out of town, so I moved to this little BnB in the woods for a year. Anyway, I think a lot of women of a certain kind can harbour that gypsy-leave everything behind fantasy.


Well good! I usually am too. And ooh. A BnB in the woods sounds like fun. I'd love to own a quaint little cottage someday. I never did the RV road trip, but I did leave the state. I rent a room in a house with a bunch of roommates now. I get my own bathroom too - which is bigger than ones I've had in apartments before - so it's nice. It's funny, when I thought frugal living, roommates, etc - I wasn't expecting to find this place (it's very pretty here). The universe provides 



Aletheia said:


> I keep telling myself I need a feel-y guy, but then it's always, always NT's. Some patterns are hard to break :crazy:


Same. Usually NTJ's. I remember when I first got into this all and I would have people take the test and it was sorta that across the board for dudes in my life. Dad, brother, ex, guy friends (the latter half *were* pretty Se developed if so, and I've suspected STP before too... we all partied a lot though, and I have a suspicion that kinda helps you to integrate it faster). Since it is my dad's type my mind went to some weird Freudian places :laughing: Though I think it's fairly normal to seek out people who remind you of parental figures to some degree.

I could see myself with an ENFP, maybe. I think this one dude was - another summer fling situation, actually. He saw me walking down the street and started yelling from his hotel room window - "Pink dress!! Don't go anywhere, please! I'm coming down! I'm sorry, but please wait!!" It was a very cute wtf moment, because I'm like... I'm really waiting for what's essentially a cat caller right now? But he had this energy that just glowed from like five stories up. Puffed out chest. Good looking midwestern boy who'd just moved to the west coast. He was a lot of fun. I remember later, getting breakfast with him and shooting the sh*t about all kinds of intuitive theories, and the people around us actually discreetly giggling. We were hyped up in each other's presence, and I guess it was kinda contagious  Later he sent me a picture of the window where he'd spotted me with some adorably corny line like - "where it all started!" haha. 

I think I dated an ENTP for a few months and I'm not sure if we got along or not. He made me sorta nervous - not in a vulnerable way so much as I'd feel a little awkward, and just kinda check out... as opposed to more so checking in to the moment (like with this dude now). Prob bc he was very generous with the exception of conversation. lol. I'd feel kinda steamrolled there. Then I'd feel like I was supposed to just interject, but it was hard when I felt deflated and out of flow. I remember one night trying to interject opinions when he brought up some debate topic, but I couldn't get much in edgewise. So I found myself just kinda lying across the bar stools by his pool instead like - "yea" "oh rly" "that sounds awesome" "you don't say now" (Can we go inside and have sex yet before I fall asleep?!) 

I probably could have met his energy better - I've done it with friends - but I was afraid of scaring him off or something I think. I'm not entirely sure why. It was a good thing though for it was, and I guess I wanted to keep it at some sort of surface level for as long as possible. If he insists on dominating then fine. Going deep is tricky - you either plant the roots or you uproot any chance of them forming. Eventually you gotta do one or the other though, I suppose. We stopped talking, but then reconnected again for a bit over the winter. Secretly when I was a little drunk on my birthday he was the person I wanted to see, for whatever reason. I'd already gone out for it with family the night before. So I texted him and he invited me over to a little get together he was having and I never told him or anyone there that it was in fact my birthday. I didn't want him to feel too special, because I was kinda confused by the fascination myself. 

I could have mistyped both of these people. And I don't know why I'm holding you hostage to my stories. lol. But I have had an interest in NP types, though they can drive me nuts too. Kinda curious I guess what your irl experiences have been like. And how you've separated the thinkers from the feelers. I think pretty much all the thinkers I've (seriously) dated were judging types. ...so, I'll get back to that holistic thinking afterwards, lol, but now I'm curious.

I wouldn't be surprised if a good guy friend of mine is an NTP though. I know for a fact that he's an enneagram 9, because he had to take the test for work. Not sure how common of a type that is for an NTP, but maybe it makes him more Fe-ish, and that's why we get along so well. He does and says stuff that reminds me so much of some NTP's I've met here. 



Aletheia said:


> So, the riddle. I forget the first line of it entirely but I don't think it's essential to getting it right. It as something like... What do the poor already have, the rich don't want and if you eat it you'll die. And haha, I honestly think they may have felt a little bad for me, sitting there all alone. That, or threesome....!


Ha! Nothing. (I googled that, I won't lie). 



Aletheia said:


> The synchronistic spinny gears in my brain went in a different direction - we got talking about meditation and realized that we both went to the same 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat the exact same summer two years ago. The location is kind of like, the midpoint between us so... I thought was interesting.


I love stories like that. And cool that it was a mutual interest and not just a kinda chance thing too.

I once met a guy - we were both about 700 miles away from this area when we did meet - who I learned had literally lived not just in my townhouse complex, or townhouse, but in the same exact room as me before. Like, he was a tenant at that address after me. Synchronicity is strange...


----------



## Purrfessor

Disgusting insecure projection 



Legends know it when they see it


----------



## Veggie

WritingLove said:


> Disgusting insecure projection
> 
> 
> 
> Legends know it when they see it


Lol. I love that this is the one post that survived that sh*t show. Now it just kinda looks like you're shading me.

Or maybe you were to begin with?


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Lol. I love that this is the one post that survived that sh*t show. Now it just kinda looks like you're shading me.
> 
> Or maybe you were to begin with?


Am I that mysterious to you?


----------



## Veggie

WritingLove said:


> Am I that mysterious to you?


I mean I assumed you weren't but you know what "they" say... assumption makes an ass of u and me.

And yes, you are a mystery :shocked:

But it's okay, we can co-exist. I like mysteries.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> I mean I assumed you weren't but you know what "they" say... assumption makes an ass of u and me.
> 
> And yes, you are a mystery :shocked:
> 
> But it's okay, we can co-exist. I like mysteries.


I am a Mister E. Truly.


----------



## DdRs

@Veggie

He knows you well. VERY well.

Most are not unfortunately valid sources of sociometric indicators. They havent ever been loved. They dont know about what mutual love means. They think its crazy.

Likewise a person who has been in wars has a something extra, that can be a bit harder to handle.

And so has a person who is sufficiently successful.

But the most has a person who revolved around something Truly Great.

Those are levels of depth.

Caring is the key to enter the social surroundings where those become available.

Being afraid of loosing something of absolute value is similar to not entering a serios deal, bc you know how much it hurts to loose it. Ive lost my wifes and I loose touch to God all the time, I get lost too ocassionally. But Ill be damned if I ever stop having the courage it takes to have REAL love. Bc if I loose my courage, I might just as well not exist.

Its better to have love for 2 marriages or 8 years or even one single moment, than live this life like the fake psychos do. As a lie.

Anyway. I get it that you dont wanna become my psychotherapist. I get it that you gave us a sorta of a shot and you then allowed to label it a bluff. It could be a bit more fair, but dodiddone. I get it that you are afraid of us too, fuck, even I am to some extent. But if you really think you dont wanna hand yourself a shot there, then my extremely agressive hilarious courting starts to become massively weird, and Im not willing to go outside of the absolute least of all classiness here. Or I could be, but its the upbringing that says its last word. Which ever the reason, even if somewhat insightfull and VERY skilled if needed, I cant start to do the manipulation shit, not where there was the genuine thing. Cant get over myself here, definetely maintaining the higher road, therefore fully blinding myself of outcome expectations. Otherwise, its just sociopathy doing it with swiss clock like precision. N I wish not to be that anylonger. Bc I doesnt make one happy. Harmony does.

Non the lezz. If you cared yourself for certified psychologist, even if its been some time now since all of those lectures and tests, I can go find those books again and 100% surely integrate you in being you.

Youre no wild whore. Youre no leave in the wind. You are not even at the height of the second best. And I guess what I dreamt to see with you is the girl-woman before the event mentioned by you occured. With or w/o me, is irrelevant. Why possess you, if being grateful for one single continuity of consistent connection? Hehhe, its .. its so priceless to someone like myself, the only thing related to that for me, is how on Earth to give back. I really am clueless regarding that one. Like totally. And they say mil vet officers who run lobby deals on plan level are most amazing leaders? Wut? Not me. Im like a child. Like at around 4yo. Maybe one, as I still like breasts. Fuck, I hope that one never abandons me. Itd be so not me to not like nipple-tease and the such.

That went off topic a bit.

If giving back means backing down so that those trau wont erupt as its too unbearable, Im positive theres nuff chilvarousity in me left to accept your will. But so that you know, if you have ANYONE that loves you forreal, reactualising it all is a real option. And it works. Its really does heal. But like Richie there on those iceman things is pretty versed, even if I dealt with the same during the mil and that PMC operating entirely outside of RoE of the UN while he was civil based, its the exact same animal. To the nuance. So I understand why anything like myself is not the most desirable thing around. Especially talking what you erased there then. That being said.. Like this like that.

Besides. It isnt that hard to submit to your request either, as making 10s of accounts with the fricken captcha on all of them and those email adressess was a bit of a painful experience actually 

But now, now you know how it is like. And that, indeed, if you just follow those alpha traits. That path will land you what you crave for.

The dif between minor and major is the maturity to judge. That is depended only on ones counsciousness levs. Love is altruism. The less, cheap.

You have love, and as a massouse, even old money, the pickiest of us all, will stop to take a closer look at you. If that is not a fucken Empress undercover, then nothing is.

But again, you never like me because of my depth. Had I just went shallow and fun with you, like what youre used to, then well you know what happens with you on that route. But I cant. Because that wouldve meant betraying your hunch about us. And Id rather piss off than confirm you it isnt exist. Both between two people horizontally and between you and Him, vertically. Thats what that cross means:

Love.


----------



## DdRs

Writing.

You are right.  In more than you can ever imagine.

Cheerz


----------



## DdRs

1am in the morning. I have my agility thing tomorrow. Those dogs are ten times more valuable than us humans. No wonder we will all go extinct.

PerC literally had the best and the worst of all. The infj whos a massage thing, and the intj whos sat on the round table. When how it shoujldve really been is the other way around.


----------



## DdRs

Now the only thing missing here is some clown making fun of the end of the world.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Now the only thing missing here is some clown making fun of the end of the world.


It's the end of the world. haha.


----------



## Veggie

Geddit? Cus I'm a clown dealing with this shit.


----------



## Queen of Cups




----------



## Veggie

It's been a solid year though, dude. 

And now that this is all going to some "junk box" I wanna have my voice in this record. Public forums exist outside of people who are currently here and momentarily know what's going on.


----------



## DdRs

Sometimes, when I sit on this dock Im thinking to myself: If He came to tell you all to get right, wouldnt that be a game changer? Like alright, Im pretty broken and all, but surely if He came and youd all like witness it first hand, wouldnt that make you change your ways?

I was sure of that before, now not that much anylonger


----------



## DdRs

Veg. At least you havent lost your sense of humor. That wasnt very humble, but doing that so that others wouldnt get castrated while doing it was altruism


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Sometimes, when I sit on this dock Im thinking to myself: If He came to tell you all to get right, wouldnt that be a game changer? Like alright, Im pretty broken and all, but surely if He came and youd all like witness it first hand, wouldnt that make you change your ways?
> 
> I was sure of that before, now not that much anylonger


She comes to me sometimes 

I'm cool with Him too though. Was a part of an Abrahamic religion for a while.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Veg. At least you havent lost your sense of humor. That wasnt very humble, but doing that so that others wouldnt get castrated while doing it was altruism


I'm not following.


----------



## DdRs

They said that the only thing that is necessary for a territorial dominance is the lack of belief. They said to keep our boys moral up no matter what. I was 19 back then, I laughed, like all of us. Like how could that be of superlative importance. So much more going on in a war. SOOOOO much more when you see it, live it.

I guess, it casual event like that required a strong will to believe and to continue to believe. ... This one will be that amplified to the power of a trillie.

I really have nothing else to say. All the men came to work for me. All the women wanted just to have sex with me. And all the psychos envied-adored me at the same time.

When all I ever wanted for you all to do is care for eachother, and get to know Him.


----------



## DdRs

Veg. Its not nuff for me for YOU to be cool with Him. Youre a DIRECT line, theres no filth like the second Ni has. If Im willing to be nuts here and anyfucken where out of everly emerging BEING IN LOVE, then you should like I dont even know: Cry out of happiness non stop?


----------



## DdRs

It doesnt matter you not following my lame obs. You need to have total faith with whats incoming. Like TOTAL. Like be passioned, obsessed addicted to Him. Which is the only option we have if we just knew Him.

He is the ... I cant even spell it virtually .. He is the definition of humbleness.


----------



## DdRs

Dont you, who now have read through my life there, really get it what kind of a monster he made change his entire value system in just few seconds?

Ive been to those three schools Veg, Ive studied that psychology for 3 years back in the days, and as you know I didnt study it at your casual small town uni. Its impossible what happened to me. It doesnt exist in practise. Neither in theory.

You dont make a guy who is venerated by psychopaths, EVEN envied, become loving. No one can do that. And yet, He did it in seconds..


----------



## Aletheia

This reminds me of when I dated an Evangelical Christian. Impromptu sermons, trying to save my decrepit harlot soul, all the while being a grade A dickhead and spiritually bankrupt.


Anyway, all of this is pretty nauseating. But I do find it amusing that doomsday is in 6.9 years, hehe.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> They said that the only thing that is necessary for a territorial dominance is the lack of belief. They said to keep our boys moral up no matter what. I was 19 back then, I laughed, like all of us. Like how could that be of superlative importance. So much more going on in a war. SOOOOO much more when you see it, live it.
> 
> I guess, it casual event like that required a strong will to believe and to continue to believe. ... This one will be that amplified to the power of a trillie.
> 
> I really have nothing else to say. All the men came to work for me. All the women wanted just to have sex with me. And all the psychos envied-adored me at the same time.
> 
> When all I ever wanted for you all to do is care for eachother, and get to know Him.


Gotta have a lot of belief to deal with pile on's. Virtual, physical, whatever... this is true. You can start to lose your head otherwise.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Cry out of happiness non stop?


That sounds like a really ineffective way to live life and I'm confused because you were just lecturing me about territorial dominance.


----------



## DdRs

I just wanted you all to care for eachother. No lies, no psycho type of deception. And know Him. So that all of you could then praise Him from pure Joy.

Almost 40 from the perc came with us to normal professional projects. Good men and women. Why not more, bc of my sins. And no one, not one, wanted to share spir dev with me. Not. One.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Dont you, who now have read through my life there, really get it what kind of a monster he made change his entire value system in just few seconds?
> 
> Ive been to those three schools Veg, Ive studied that psychology for 3 years back in the days, and as you know I didnt study it at your casual small town uni. Its impossible what happened to me. It doesnt exist in practise. Neither in theory.
> 
> You dont make a guy who is venerated by psychopaths, EVEN envied, become loving. No one can do that. And yet, He did it in seconds..


I'm glad that you had an experience on your own personal life path that brought you back to happiness and faith.

This isn't doing that for me rn :/

I got my own ppl I go to.


----------



## Aletheia

Maybe because raging messiah complexes are icky


----------



## DdRs

Peace is seeing Him as He is.

And at that point, you can understand why I am insanely in love with Him.

But first, you really need to learn to be way more firm. You need to close your doors for filthm so that hopefully you will become available to Him before the scary part of the last year gets real.

Thank you for listening and hearing.

I had my hunch too about you. You hunch comes with some zeros. Mine about you comes with the expectation for you to open up to Peace.

The rest is vain. Like dust in the wind.

Now anyone ban me  as now, she knows the exact path.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Its not like music or any senso stuff. Its like... Im Fi, and intj so really bad explaining feelings but its like your feelings connect to something infinite


My dad's INTJ and he has a thing for New Age music.

His parents used to play guitar and lead everyone in hymns at church too.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Peace is seeing Him as He is.
> 
> And at that point, you can understand why I am insanely in love with Him.
> 
> But first, you really need to learn to be way more firm. You need to close your doors for filthm so that hopefully you will become available to Him before the scary part of the last year gets real.
> 
> Thank you for listening and hearing.
> 
> I had my hunch too about you. You hunch comes with some zeros. Mine about you comes with the expectation for you to open up to Peace.
> 
> The rest is vain. Like dust in the wind.
> 
> Now anyone ban me  as now, she knows the exact path.


I've been on the path of She for a while now 

The sacred feminine who was demonized in Abrahamic religions.

I became a Taoist in later years because I like the duality.

Just wanna tell the truth.


----------



## DdRs

You are wrong.

It is not a part of you. Its the entire undepersonalised version of you. Its how I see you. Now, only now, you can SEE how I can see you.

Not very hard to fall in love with that..


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> You are wrong.
> 
> It is not a part of you. Its the entire undepersonalised version of you. Its how I see you. Now, only now, you can SEE how I can see you.
> 
> Not very hard to fall in love with that..


Thank you but I am not just a projection  I am an ocean to discover. An Aphrodite if you will. If you go beneath your reflection there, you can find some cool ish.


----------



## DdRs

Youre Father has it right. Just that as intjs, its hard as fuck for us to reach out for your level of morality. If you look at the iceman tapes, you will see, we are ... a bit lesser..  But Ill fight it.

I like the guitar too. Suck at those notes, am fully note disabled, but Metallicas unforgiven and nothing else matters have hurt my fingertips so badly it can sorta do them. But just them. 

I used to be into N.A. before. Read sandstread as I wont be here anylonger. the entire path is there.


----------



## DdRs

Its VERY good you are testing different options. I did that too. But ultimatelly the key factor was .. humbleness till altruism. That alongside lifting up the counsiouness levels from shame apathy pride courage to love and beyond.. Not to mention that the Grace is ALIVE, its not a monolog. Its an extremely intimate relationship. almost like a parent kid relationship just WAYYYYYY more intimate.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Youre Father has it right. Just that as intjs, its hard as fuck for us to reach out for your level of morality. If you look at the iceman tapes, you will see, we are ... a bit lesser..  But Ill fight it.
> 
> I like the guitar too. Suck at those notes, am fully note disabled, but Metallicas unforgiven and nothing else matters have hurt my fingertips so badly it can sorta do them. But just them.
> 
> I used to be into N.A. before. Read sandstread as I wont be here anylonger. the entire path is there.


My dad's more moral than I am. He's a one and I'm a seven. Which apparently is a pattern I read somewhere and found interesting. Type one fathers ending up with type seven daughters. If my sister isn't one too, she's a 6w7 for sure.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Its VERY good you are testing different options. I did that too. But ultimatelly the key factor was .. humbleness till altruism. That alongside lifting up the counsiouness levels from shame apathy pride courage to love and beyond.. Not to mention that the Grace is ALIVE, its not a monolog. Its an extremely intimate relationship. almost like a parent kid relationship just WAYYYYYY more intimate.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love


----------



## DdRs

Good to know.

Im not very good at saying nice things bc Im kinda the last word IRL in my circles of influence.. I havent had much practice with that nor were raised in a very constructive home environment, I dont know how to not hurt feelings either. Im 10 I, 95N, 100T, 100J. So.. 

But the intention was to say that when you d connect to yourself, its rather impressive for me to witness. Not exluding there woundt be more. Just that, I come from three very hostile worlds, the mil, the city of london, and even more so the old money. So Im not trained to have it all togehter with sectors such as sensitivity, emotions or sensuality.. A bit straight edged with those..

Like lots


----------



## DdRs

Fair game.

My chairman is into dna study heavily. He has a private study group that is making the connection between who gets what genes from where. Hes ENTJ + ENTJ wife having ENTP and INFJ sons. Thats a fascinating theme about how children get what and wherefrom and under what conditions.. But thats just advanced eugenics I guess.

The mindblowing part is where and how the soul connects to the body and the moment of fecundation. That stuff, how it looks like on aura machinery......! Man..


----------



## DdRs

Agape is IT!


----------



## DdRs

AGAPE is exactly what I mean.

4 levs of love from CS or was it CJ Lewis. Agape... Peace is Agape.


----------



## DdRs

Smart kid! ))

7.th the megalomania of the psychopaths...


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Fair game.
> 
> My chairman is into dna study heavily. He has a private study group that is making the connection between who gets what genes from where. Hes ENTJ + ENTJ wife having ENTP and INFJ sons. Thats a fascinating theme about how children get what and wherefrom and under what conditions.. But thats just advanced eugenics I guess.
> 
> The mindblowing part is where and how the soul connects to the body and the moment of fecundation. That stuff, how it looks like on aura machinery......! Man..


My brother and his wife are both ENTJ's. My mom says that their nine month old son reminds her of me in ways when I was a baby. He's super happy and only mostly cries when he has to leave parties or hears other babies or animals crying, which is what I apparently did too, lol.


----------



## Veggie

And you can't use terms like "eugenics" around here dude. lol. (Anywhere?)


----------



## DdRs

Thats a neat line of genetics already.. Smart man to take a wife of his own calibre. Hmm, perhaps the minione is INFJ too. 

So thats what. High EQ, Medium to High SQ, lacking SP? Like the two of us as instinct stack?

If he is that, and I tell his Dad, Ill be best friends with him forever. He will cry out of happiness the whole day.

Entjs are actually pretty sensitive people, when you get to know their real selves..

Hmm.. Youre happy, sure. All sanguins are! )


----------



## DdRs

You protecting me from myself..

Now thats already caring. Youre at love.

Amazing. I really didnt expect this to happen tonight.

Pretty cool dear. Pretty cool


----------



## DdRs

Im not gonna ask for that email, youve refused me like 17k times by now.


----------



## Veggie

DdRs said:


> Thats a neat line of genetics already.. Smart man to take a wife of his own calibre. Hmm, perhaps the minione is INFJ too.
> 
> So thats what. High EQ, Medium to High SQ, lacking SP? Like the two of us as instinct stack?
> 
> If he is that, and I tell his Dad, Ill be best friends with him forever. He will cry out of happiness the whole day.
> 
> Entjs are actually pretty sensitive people, when you get to know their real selves..
> 
> Hmm.. Youre happy, sure. All sanguins are! )


They're both really more sensitive than I am, honestly. That inferior Fi is <3


----------



## AnneM

Veggie said:


> I honestly just think he's a total troll at this point. That, or a complete evangelical who would never allow a woman to get through to him in the first place. Going back and rereading, I saw that he had used an upper case F in father, when just referring to my own.


:laughing: You can think whatever you want. I'm the professional assigned to the case.


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> :laughing: You can think whatever you want. I'm the professional assigned to the case.


Okaaay. Lol. I've been dealing with this for like a year though...


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> :laughing: You can think whatever you want. I'm the professional assigned to the case.


He's all about the submission of women. He gets off on you thanking his posts on the Father. Admitting that you at least acknowledge it all so he can go - okay, I thought so, bai!! Which is pretty much exactly what he did. People who try to manipulate me with my Christian upbringing are the worst. 

Really the only way to probably get him to go away for good is to just succumb to Daddy knows best. *He does child* *Pats your... ahem, head*

It's twisted. I've been trying not to give him too much power, but I guess he has it now. 

He's totally jacking off to this atm.


----------



## Allersky

Marvin the Dendroid said:


> Why would they be attractive in the first place???


That's a really good question. 

I'm gonna say it's the mystery. And probably the belief that they'll be more affectionate with their significant other? My teenage self probably liked the appeal of being the only one who go to see that side of them or... something. Dunno, that was years ago.


----------



## series0

Veggie said:


> @*series0* - this is what you look like btw to me and why I've been somewhat rude to you for years now. Do you agree with this representation of what I see as your beliefs? This guy is your biggest fan. Does that bother you?


Well that was 2 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

The ONLY resemblance I see between me and this fellow, assuming @DdRs is who you mean, is that he is undaunted. All his other features are fairly opposed to mine, although his sense of humor and organic flow is fairly strong as well, so there is that. 

I am not quite sure what you were trying to say, so, if there is an actual point, I admit freely to my lack of understanding in this case.

But the quintessential thrust of this set of back and forths is what, that he is interested in you and you do not return the favor? He is the forum version of the guy who seems all interested in you from his car driving down the road? And you have put him off his pursuit by honest dismissal instead of clever comebacks, which in many circles amount to clever come-ons? I will draw your attention to the fact that I did not pull you into this whatever-it-is with a mention. Disingenuousness can be subtle after all. Are you bored? What is going on?


----------



## Veggie

series0 said:


> Well that was 2 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
> 
> The ONLY resemblance I see between me and this fellow, assuming @DdRs is who you mean, is that he is undaunted. All his other features are fairly opposed to mine, although his sense of humor and organic flow is fairly strong as well, so there is that.
> 
> I am not quite sure what you were trying to say, so, if there is an actual point, I admit freely to my lack of understanding in this case.
> 
> But the quintessential thrust of this set of back and forths is what, that he is interested in you and you do not return the favor? He is the forum version of the guy who seems all interested in you from his car driving down the road? And you have put him off his pursuit by honest dismissal instead of clever comebacks, which in many circles amount to clever come-ons? I will draw your attention to the fact that I did not pull you into this whatever-it-is with a mention. Disingenuousness can be subtle after all. Are you bored? What is going on?


I'm not bored. I actually have a ton of things I need to be doing. This has taken a lot of my time that I'll never get back either.

I'm in a crap predicament because the forum is where I come to blow off steam, but then here this guy is, creating additional steam. I really should just log off completely, but I don't feel good in that I was bullied to do so. But I'm gonna have to do it soon, because I have an extremely busy weekend ahead.

Anyway, he's been following me around the forum, convinced that I need his lectures and wisdom as my mentor or something to help me find god. Or sometimes I am god and he needs me. It shifts. Regardless God is a He.

He mentions you constantly, so I was curious if he has your support as well, if you even know who he is. And you may not. He's come back as multiple dupes now. If you don't know who he is beyond what's on this thread than I suppose that would be hard to say. I will take your response as that you don't see many similarities and so you are unbothered that others might.


----------



## Tropes

There's a really stupid jelly voice in my head going: _"Why can't I have a whacky compulsive stalker who grows heads like a hydra and obsessively mixes __push-pull seduction attempts with __overanalyzed rationalizations for the resulting rejection?!"_


----------



## series0

Veggie said:


> I'm not bored. I actually have a ton of things I need to be doing. This has taken a lot of my time that I'll never get back either.
> 
> I'm in a crap predicament because the forum is where I come to blow off steam, but then here this guy is, creating additional steam. I really should just log off completely, but I don't feel good in that I was bullied to do so. But I'm gonna have to do it soon, because I have an extremely busy weekend ahead.
> 
> Anyway, he's been following me around the forum, convinced that I need his lectures and wisdom as my mentor or something to help me find god. Or sometimes I am god and he needs me. It shifts. Regardless God is a He.


Well, stalking is not wise in any event, especially if you have been clear about your contempt for his approaches.

I don't believe in God, let alone that one such is a 'He', a pointless designation. I do believe in love and that love itself is objective, and since many folks say 'God is love', that is something I try to accept with grace.

I sincerely hope you do not categorize me with him as in stalking you (or anyone). I post on these forums when they are public discussion, debate, and such regarding philosophy so me offering my supposed wisdom is assumed by BEING HERE. It would indeed be rude to taken offense at that. Of course each forum has its own thematic bent to participation, which I try to observe in the scope of my commentary. Anyway ...



Veggie said:


> He mentions you constantly, so I was curious if he has your support as well, if you even know who he is. And you may not. He's come back as multiple dupes now. If you don't know who he is beyond what's on this thread than I suppose that would be hard to say.


I detest the renaming functionality and even the avatar changing to some degree as it causes a clandestine deception in dealing with others on this forum. Still, you can usually tell who it is. Perhaps you know some of the names/userids this person goes by or went by? Incidentally, he does not mention me functionally. That means he is avoiding me knowing he is mentioning me. I have seen that tactic used before and it is very sad. As in this case, it kind of forbids the person mentioned from responding and is thus a form of libel. This is my official disclaimer for anything he has said although it does not mean I disagree either, if you follow.



Veggie said:


> I will take your response as that you don't see many similarities and so you are unbothered that others might.


Ah, so you put words into my mouth. No, to that. Just no. 

You may assume such things but like his disingenuous mention, that bears no resemblance to truth in any sense. I am usually a bit bothered, not overmuch, by people who are supposed similar to me. I am quite unique, I assure you, in most senses. Still, I am also sensitive to the enneatype 4 tendency to dwell on being unique as a moral error. That chest-thumping nonsense of today's people that you almost cannot escape is just this type of worthlessness wallowing. If you are worthy, I will remember your name, and if you posture on it, that only takes away from the presentation, it never adds to it. Gaga la la la, shish cum ba! It cheapens the expression to me.

And yes, so far, other than a penchant for organic humor and being admirably pushy, I see few similarities. He may take pushy too far (and I may as well). But if I do, I apologize for that. I know it can be a tendency of mine that is over expressed.

Anyway, good luck!


----------



## Veggie

series0 said:


> I don't believe in God, let alone that one such is a 'He', a pointless designation. I do believe in love and that love itself is objective, and since many folks say 'God is love', that is something I try to accept with grace.


That's well said.

You were becoming lumped in with evangelical thought in my mind, and I realized that might not be fair.



series0 said:


> sincerely hope you do not categorize me with him as in stalking you (or anyone). I post on these forums when they are public discussion, debate, and such regarding philosophy so me offering my supposed wisdom is assumed by BEING HERE. It would indeed be rude to taken offense at that. Of course each forum has its own thematic bent to participation, which I try to observe in the scope of my commentary. Anyway …


No, not the stalking. You've never exhibited that kind of behavior.



series0 said:


> Incidentally, he does not mention me functionally. That means he is avoiding me knowing he is mentioning me. I have seen that tactic used before and it is very sad. As in this case, it kind of forbids the person mentioned from responding and is thus a form of libel. This is my official disclaimer for anything he has said although it does not mean I disagree either, if you follow.


It isn't insulting, at least - he sees you as wise. But he does act a bit as if your spiritual schools of thought are one and the same.


----------



## AnneM

@Tropes :laughing:

Y'all, I just have to say, I think it is _hilarious_ that you could think this guy is a troll. I spend a LOT of time on the internet, and I've seen my share of trolls in action. Just because _you react_ to him as a troll doesn't mean he actually is one. 

He is evidently a person who has had _some _ kind of enlightenment experience. I've been studying such things obsessively for many years. When he writes about God, he sounds EXACTLY like the Pauline corpus (Paul's books in the New Testament). How about this:

"If anyone else thinks he can be confident in the flesh, all the more can I. Circumcised on the eighth day, of the race of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrew parentage, in observance of the law a Pharisee, in zeal I persecuted the church, in righteousness based on the law I was blameless.

But whatever gains I had, these I have come to consider a loss because of Christ. More than that, I even consider everything as a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have accepted the loss of all things and I consider them so much rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having any righteousness of my own based on the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God, depending on faith to know him and the power of his ressurection and the sharing off his sufferings by being conformed to his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead." --Phillipians 3:4-11

Also, in Acts of the Apostles, after Pentecost when the Holy Spirit descended on them, many people just thought they were drunk, because they were speaking in tongues. But _other_ people were astounded to hear them speaking to each person in his or her own language. That is what he can do. You have NO idea how many accounts he has on here. You think these obvious dupe accounts are it? He has many _longstanding _accounts, accounts people really respect. He can pull off the voice of just about any MB type. 

Y'all have just been playing ping-pong with his dupe on the forum. I have been talking to the main person via PM all day, every day since June 17th. @Veggie, if it makes you feel better and less creeped out, many of the things he said were meant for me, but for some reason he couldn't say them to me. Maybe because I'm married, who knows. 

I hope they leave all this on the thread. It really does belong here. Seems more psychologically and spiritual worthwhile to me than much of what's posted here.


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> Y'all, I just have to say, I think it is _hilarious_ that you could think this guy is a troll. I spend a LOT of time on the internet, and I've seen my share of trolls in action. Just because _you react_ to him as a troll doesn't mean he actually is one.


He used to publicly threaten women on the forum and make extremely degrading, sexual posts about them if they retaliated. I've been his Clarice or some sh*t I guess, because at least I haven't gotten that.



AnneM said:


> Also, in Acts of the Apostles, after Pentecost when the Holy Spirit descended on them, many people just thought they were drunk, because they were speaking in tongues. But _other_ people were astounded to hear them speaking to each person in his or her own language. That is what he can do. You have NO idea how many accounts he has on here. You think these obvious dupe accounts are it? He has many _longstanding _accounts, accounts people really respect. He can pull off the voice of just about any MB type.


You have no idea either. I'd be careful with who you decide is him, or who he tells you is him, unless you are able to confirm the fact.



AnneM said:


> Y'all have just been playing ping-pong with his dupe on the forum. I have been talking to the main person via PM all day, every day since June 17th. @Veggie, if it makes you feel better and less creeped out, many of the things he said were meant for me, but for some reason he couldn't say them to me. Maybe because I'm married, who knows.


That is infinitely creepier :laughing:

And then one day he shows up with my head on your doorstep - "Since I couldn't do it to you, I had to do it to her instead!! See, see what you make me do Anne?!"

I really do not like getting pulled into other people's relationships. 

I will say that this has been happening long since before you joined though. The long love letters and/or the following me around. It has only just hit a head recently.

I would try to find some examples for you, but I don't have the time to do it, and who knows where they may even be at this point? His posts have been cherry picked from threads. I especially don't have time to wade through hundreds of pages in the junk box. 



AnneM said:


> I hope they leave all this on the thread. It really does belong here. Seems more psychologically and spiritual worthwhile to me than much of what's posted here.


Arguably romantic too, depending on your definition of romance.


----------



## AnneM

@Veggie Creepiness is in the eye of the beholder, I guess! Maybe I can take it because I'M a creep, who knows.


----------



## Veggie

AnneM said:


> @Veggie Creepiness is in the eye of the beholder, I guess! Maybe I can take it because I'M a creep, who knows.


I can take it. He's not oh so terrifying. I just don't want to. I've been trying to say my good byes to this site - at least for a while (if it's still even here later I guess) - and it's a sad way to leave things. I also feel the dumb vigilant need to check up now. 

And you're saying that he's taking out on me what's meant for you, so CAN you take it? As previously stated tho, this was happening before you got here.


----------



## Ultimatum

SO its true. When he leaves.. the rest cant get him off their mind.

Bc of the love. That is.


----------



## Ultimatum

AnneM. You have not PMing with me, ever. Its the one who chose to do the indentity thief attempt there. Which was working to a point.


----------



## Ultimatum

@Veggie

Started to miss you already. Thats a very good sign. It occured the very first minute when I was left alone. The only thing better than that is not to be able to concentrate at work thinking about those what if's.

Those pragmatic implementations. Well, if the value system is reset ditching all the social programming that has dictated the outcomes by now, you will achive two major things.

One.

You will be more aware of deviations, meaning that when someone tries to decieve you via
- gaslighting meaning that after they lied in order to hide their true colors, they make you believe what happened did not ever occur.
- swim under your skin. F.e. They dislike something you connect with strongly, like two songs, in order to generate a FAKE emotional connection
- you will start to separate humor from poking fun at in a direct manifestation for disgust on your intelligence. Meaning that, some one saying "that guy was hinting you you should go on a date with him because of roosters, and THAT WAS JUST OVER YOUR HEAD", which is a psychopathic tehnique to make you justify-defend yourself, give away authority of conducting your own self. Meaning social slavery.

Humor is never sadistic. If it is humiliating of the other, its mental sickness. Only psychopaths and sociopaths ever use these. The first is for himself alone, forever. The latter oscillates between ruthlessness that makes psychopathy look like a loose arsehole and total altruism. It embraces them both, that is why it is way more dangerous. It attracts EVERYTHING. Its the ultimate seduction.

When you integrate, fully, sex wont anylonger do it for you. It can start like that, but if it doesnt go beyond shallowness, and sophistication psychopathy is sufficiently talented at into real depth, all you will ever feel is empty. So that will generate the void you mentioned there. It gives labour to the NEED for being loved. At this point you will literally sense that everything all psychopaths say are lies. Everysingle word has a goal behind it. Be it neurolinguistic programming like with that word mysterious said here stupidly connected to enigma with is a neg anchor for a person who just argued with one who has that nick.. yet that is what psychopathy is, incomptence to do anything that to copy paste what already exists in order to gain advantage so that the exploation of the other becomes not only accessible, but also secured. And it all looks sooo good. Exactly as intended. But when the real self comes out, thats what made psychopathy associate with sickest form of insanity. In reality second sickest, tho. But if the Papi is on your side, the kids will behave themselves. Or the options are played out. And they know all what that means, so its a territory they leave clear.

Two.

Foremost, starting from living conditions, to professional activity, to sex quality, to life stage outcome improvement, to marriage, to offspring, to material side, to prestige, to honor, to even philanthropy with strangers. To even personal or joint spir dev. All of those are consequences of a decidion. To choose the eternal over the temp. To choose integrity and self ownership over lightness and fakeness. Its a total convoy of serial bursts of right decidions supported by action that alignes the word, the mind and the heart. Harmo. Full home. Bc you see, if you disresonate with yourself, the universe receives double messages. And that leads to good, mediocre and bad experience. Which means consistently great doesnt have neither time nor space to exist. That is how a guy who is 14 and is old money differs from a 60yo new money billionaire. Its the depth of the informational heritage. Thats why an old money kid will sack dead poor more than any alive billionaire. But. If you combine those both, add alpha to it and a certain life experiece, just imagine what there needs to be observed for THAT to engage you. Imagine what a spiral merge of total energy flows needs to be for that to insist. Yea.

And because you will wanna have it straight laced, as you wanna be certain, that would be me. A guy with bullet wound scars all over his thriathlon endured body, that took a bike and tested what you were previously explained. The question here is, are you mature enough to handle THAT ALL.

Can you imagine what you were delivered if it all had to become hidden? And. If that was a mere warm up, can you ever even try to imagine what more there can be when all types of resources are unlimited.

lindic(at)tutanota com

Chris Isaak - "Wicked Game" - Cover by Daisy Gray
HAEVN - Where The Heart Is

ps. I find it intrusive to participate at PerC anylonger as Im not welcomed in a politically correct culture of handicapisms.
Theres Series0 and ScoobyScoop if you chose to go for something else of quality locally. The first man is a mind and heart equivalent literally to the ancient philosophs, a writer, too. Exactly Brad Coop. The latter is a small cap investor looking for genuine friendship. A bit as your father, in the most positive way. Also IRL that offer of mine stands for what I told you I would intro you to. So thass what: 3 tenners, one 9.8/10. It should be a winning ticket, no probs.

If you chose any of them, or even someone like me, Im sure any would appreciate diving into that ocean. Highly.

Its been a long journey for me on PerC. Ive won incredibly much. But as a part of the greater material was extracted, while the rest just left, its time to hold close those dearest memories and forgive the bad ones asking forgivness for my fallen state and the conflicts arising from that too.

 My first account here started with the words "I love you mate, can we collaborate?" That man is our CEO today. The entire exec team loves him, my committee, The Board, The Chair who appointed him, even his enemies respect him. I chose him because I saw his love for the fellow man. His EQ is literally skyrocketing. Ten times the man I will ever be. If I handed out his banned account here you would see he really is exceptional individual even among the absolute creme of the Eartly Tier 1 players in The City: INFJ sxso 4w5. So, as you can notice, I am at the very bottom of the game.  But I have to admit, guys like that are not accepting extrenal offers to be hired as partners of share owners elsewhere, seeing them come there day after day year after year, really makes my day; Makes me feel like Ive truly lived all my dreams. All but saving little Veggie here from herself I guess.

So.

My last words here are: I love your storytelling, can I just deep dive into that ocean? Metaphorically, but physically too, as the bio clock's tickin. 20cm circumference, or not, we shall see. Cant promise you much more than that, but I can add this: I promise to sweep you off your feet every single day the rest of our lives. Just trust that what if. And then. Let it sweep you off your feet. Forever.


----------



## Ultimatum

@series0

Mate. Comfort comes with anomalia. 

You were more attentive before. You should get that lev of awareness back man. Dont you let stuff slip there.

And dont you fucken dare tell them your self expression hasnt progressed lots during these years, and you being an alpha man will ever make you blind to another. 

I miss Termizzle, JTour, and all the rest of us who made a difference here, before it dried to political correctness. Sandstread was around those lines too. And so, so many more.

Anyway. Im thrilled you are doing the book thing, that was always my dream regarding to you, as I repeatedly said to you over the years. You a man of vision and wisdom, and me, a man who lost Him.

Now. I do have to correct the idea of us here tho. Agnostism, it wont raise you to those last steps of those 17 levs of counsciousness. But He will.

Im dead serious, its real man. Its so real, it makes my eyes pour tiers. And if you take a closer look at those life experiences written over there at sands.. I was though as hell itself.

I beg you man, look into it. I literally beg you.

E: Oh apologises for not quoting you with the @ there. My bad. )

But do you know what an intj would say that? Why not not quote and let Veggie and him meet. If she doesnt want me a 9.8/10. Then perhaps a 11/10 man I love will do.

Cheers from London mate again. Hugz


----------



## Veggie

Ultimatum said:


> You will be more aware of deviations, meaning that when someone tries to decieve you via
> - gaslighting meaning that after they lied in order to hide their true colors, they make you believe what happened did not ever occur.
> - swim under your skin. F.e. They dislike something you connect with strongly, like two songs, in order to generate a FAKE emotional connection
> - you will start to separate humor from poking fun at in a direct manifestation for disgust on your intelligence. Meaning that, some one saying "that guy was hinting you you should go on a date with him because of roosters, and THAT WAS JUST OVER YOUR HEAD", which is a psychopathic tehnique to make you justify-defend yourself, give away authority of conducting your own self. Meaning social slavery.


Thank you for those life lessons that I've never ever learnt. I was sitting in a closet eating saltine crackers for the past 34 years, and you have shown me TRUTH. 

The roosters thing was funny. Stop. I swear to god that really happened, and I brought it to the forum hoping I'd get a response like that to make me laugh, because it was so wtf.



Ultimatum said:


> When you integrate, fully, sex wont anylonger do it for you.


Nah.



Ultimatum said:


> Cant promise you much more than that, but I can add this: I promise to sweep you off your feet every single day the rest of our lives. Just trust that what if. And then. Let it sweep you off your feet. Forever.


:heart::heart::heart:

PROMISE?! Random internet man?






...lol. I don't know why I'm even engaging with this. I'm playing nice with people in positions of power here now and I shouldn't be. But your patronization is just so 

Packing for the weekend and gonna be gone by necessity soon anyway.


----------



## Veggie




----------



## Veggie

^I realize I just did, but can some people see how silly it looks what with the music videos and such?


----------



## GirlAwayHome

The envy of the admin and mods is skyrocketing, and all I ever was a mentally sick person. The intuitives will try to find more to it, but the s'sses know my reality. Or so the belief gos. Schizophrenia. Depression. What not.
@Veggie

Its not cool to see you think that if another person holds power over you, it automatically means exploatation. There are two types of dom men, benevolent and malevolent. While the latter tries to mask as the first.

Started to miss you already. Thats a very good sign. It occured the very first minute when I was left alone. The only thing better than that is not to be able to concentrate at work thinking about those what if's.

Those pragmatic implementations. Well, if the value system is reset ditching all the social programming that has dictated the outcomes by now, you will achive two major things.

One.

You will be more aware of deviations, meaning that when someone tries to decieve you via
- gaslighting meaning that after they lied in order to hide their true colors, they make you believe what happened did not ever occur.
- swim under your skin. F.e. They dislike something you connect with strongly, like two songs, in order to generate a FAKE emotional connection
- you will start to separate humor from poking fun at in a direct manifestation for disgust on your intelligence. Meaning that, some one saying "that guy was hinting you you should go on a date with him because of roosters, and THAT WAS JUST OVER YOUR HEAD", which is a psychopathic tehnique to make you justify-defend yourself, give away authority of conducting your own self. Meaning social slavery.

Humor is never sadistic. If it is humiliating of the other, its mental sickness. Only psychopaths and sociopaths ever use these. The first is for himself alone, forever. The latter oscillates between ruthlessness that makes psychopathy look like a loose arsehole and total altruism. It embraces them both, that is why it is way more dangerous. It attracts EVERYTHING. Its the ultimate seduction.

When you integrate, fully, sex wont anylonger do it for you. It can start like that, but if it doesnt go beyond shallowness, and sophistication psychopathy is sufficiently talented at into real depth, all you will ever feel is empty. So that will generate the void you mentioned there. It gives labour to the NEED for being loved. At this point you will literally sense that everything all psychopaths say are lies. Everysingle word has a goal behind it. Be it neurolinguistic programming like with that word mysterious said here stupidly connected to enigma with is a neg anchor for a person who just argued with one who has that nick.. yet that is what psychopathy is, incomptence to do anything that to copy paste what already exists in order to gain advantage so that the exploation of the other becomes not only accessible, but also secured. And it all looks sooo good. Exactly as intended. But when the real self comes out, thats what made psychopathy associate with sickest form of insanity. In reality second sickest, tho. But if the Papi is on your side, the kids will behave themselves. Or the options are played out. And they know all what that means, so its a territory they leave clear.

Two.

Foremost, starting from living conditions, to professional activity, to sex quality, to life stage outcome improvement, to marriage, to offspring, to material side, to prestige, to honor, to even philanthropy with strangers. To even personal or joint spir dev. All of those are consequences of a decidion. To choose the eternal over the temp. To choose integrity and self ownership over lightness and fakeness. Its a total convoy of serial bursts of right decidions supported by action that alignes the word, the mind and the heart. Harmo. Full home. Bc you see, if you disresonate with yourself, the universe receives double messages. And that leads to good, mediocre and bad experience. Which means consistently great doesnt have neither time nor space to exist. That is how a guy who is 14 and is old money differs from a 60yo new money billionaire. Its the depth of the informational heritage. Thats why an old money kid will sack dead poor more than any alive billionaire. But. If you combine those both, add alpha to it and a certain life experiece, just imagine what there needs to be observed for THAT to engage you. Imagine what a spiral merge of total energy flows needs to be for that to insist. Yea.

And because you will wanna have it straight laced, as you wanna be certain, that would be me. A guy with bullet wound scars all over his thriathlon endured body, that took a bike and tested what you were previously explained. The question here is, are you mature enough to handle THAT ALL.

Can you imagine what you were delivered if it all had to become hidden? And. If that was a mere warm up, can you ever even try to imagine what more there can be when all types of resources are unlimited.

lindic(at)tutanota com

Chris Isaak - "Wicked Game" - Cover by Daisy Gray
HAEVN - Where The Heart Is

ps. I find it intrusive to participate at PerC anylonger as Im not welcomed in a politically correct culture of handicapisms.
Theres Series0 and ScoobyScoop if you chose to go for something else of quality locally. The first man is a mind and heart equivalent literally to the ancient philosophs, a writer, too. Exactly Brad Coop. The latter is a small cap investor looking for genuine friendship. A bit as your father, in the most positive way. Also IRL that offer of mine stands for what I told you I would intro you to. So thass what: 3 tenners, one 9.8/10. It should be a winning ticket, no probs.

If you chose any of them, or even someone like me, Im sure any would appreciate diving into that ocean. Highly.

Its been a long journey for me on PerC. Ive won incredibly much. But as a part of the greater material was extracted, while the rest just left, its time to hold close those dearest memories and forgive the bad ones asking forgivness for my fallen state and the conflicts arising from that too.

 My first account here started with the words "I love you mate, can we collaborate?" That man is our CEO today. The entire exec team loves him, my committee, The Board, The Chair who appointed him, even his enemies respect him. I chose him because I saw his love for the fellow man. His EQ is literally skyrocketing. Ten times the man I will ever be. If I handed out his banned account here you would see he really is exceptional individual even among the absolute creme of the Eartly Tier 1 players in The City: INFJ sxso 4w5. So, as you can notice, I am at the very bottom of the game.  But I have to admit, guys like that are not accepting extrenal offers to be hired as partners of share owners elsewhere, seeing them come there day after day year after year, really makes my day; Makes me feel like Ive truly lived all my dreams. All but saving little Veggie here from herself I guess.

So.

My last words here are: I love your storytelling, can I just deep dive into that ocean? Metaphorically, but physically too, as the bio clock's tickin. 20cm circumference, or not, we shall see. Cant promise you much more than that, but I can add this: I promise to sweep you off your feet every single day the rest of our lives. Just trust that what if. And then. Let it sweep you off your feet. Forever.

-------------------------------------------------

The rest of you.. Its really rude to gossippppppp..  I was at this agility thing all day long, I cant be managing the amplification of my bandit-outlaw perc image all the fricken time.

AnneM.
If you will separate writing from me, and understand finally he has red my entire sandstread account and is envying me so much he had no alternative than to try to ident thief an entire life, bc he bet on the fact that I never cameback.

The second part youre trying to descriphre to Veggie there, is true. ITs actually true. Im mesmerized by it every single second of my life. I cannot believe it myself. just feeling extremely grateful. which I feel isnt ever gonna be nuff. Its the best. ITs... really powerfull. Makes me so small. Makes it so easy to be ridiculated.

Writing.
I wish you start become excited about knowing the estp part of you and find a common platform with enigma here. She is, quite literally, the impossible to seduce girl.  If you can make her squirt, youre quite a feather tickler.

Veggie... Im bad to the bone. Take a look at the Iceman tapes. But this, all this stuff you get confused about, the part where upper upper member comes to a forum to hire and after some TBC experience, gets lifted to thise endless stream of just lovin.. and just kinda starts to vibe on those levs alone wanting all to join him there.... Its is from Him. And yes. I write Father, in as bio dad with cap F, thank you for scrutinizing, its cause mine was so obsessed about terrioriat influence and his mining inheritance he quite literally forgot I ever even existed till I arrived to London after serving first in those environments.

He said that a man w/o those experiences is valueless to him. And worthy of recycle bin alone. As none of those would ever understand the most profound primitive nature of the human animal.

And he was right.

But I still was raised by strangers, and when I see someone such as Veg there, having had experience with a Dad playing the guit, I respect him offering her that so deeply never having had that myself, I then use a Cap F. Id do that a thousand times. And more. Also, God is to be written by cap's too. Just that this time, no CAP can ever even reach out for that word.

--------------------------------------------------
@series0 

The ebbs and the... you can also find pattern on the south side of it too, or the laterals even if apparently lesser.

Mate. Comfort comes with anomalia's. 

You were more attentive before. You should get that lev of awareness back man. Dont you let stuff slip there.

And dont you fucken dare tell them your self expression hasnt progressed lots during these years, and you being an alpha man will ever make you blind to another. 

I miss Termizzle, JTour, and all the rest of us who made a difference here, before it dried to political correctness. Sandstread was around those lines too. And so, so many more.

Anyway. Im thrilled you are doing the book thing, that was always my dream regarding to you, as I repeatedly said to you over the years. You a man of vision and wisdom, and me, a man who lost Him.

Now. I do have to correct the idea of us here tho. Agnostism, it wont raise you to those last steps of those 17 levs of counsciousness. But He will.

Im dead serious, its real man. Its so real, it makes my eyes pour tiers. And if you take a closer look at those life experiences written over there at sands.. I was though as hell itself.

I beg you man, look into it. I literally beg you.

E: Oh apologises for not quoting you with the @ there. My bad. )

But do you know what an intj would say that? Why not not quote and let Veggie and him meet. If she doesnt want me a 9.8/10. Then perhaps a 11/10 man I love will do.

Cheers from London mate again. Hugz

---------------------------------------------------

AnneM. You have not PMing with me, ever. Its the one who chose to do the indentity thief attempt there. Which was working to a point.

--------------------------------------------------=

SO its true. When he leaves.. the rest cant get him off their mind.

Bc of the love. That is.

---------------------------------------------------

Veggie. Stop being obsessed to check up. Theres no need. Im not malevolent. I really am at that love. Its so weird... the curtains are like so beautiful. And the leaves outside. And the security guys shoeleases are so symmetrically tied. And the ocean is so harmonic. Its all just still. Its like all is still. In a sorta slowmotion, like drunk, but the opposite. I dont know what on Earth is going on, but its as youd be part of it all. Like a synergy of somesort. Like a slowly surprising merge where you just know that you know that you know that you know that its all one. Like youd ?afford? to love it all. Like bad has to be to make it all lovable. Like bad to be created of good to make desire, fear and anger impulses harmonically functionable to let free will be that, free.

Oh Good Heaven, I really think Im loosing it here. Im fucken mil trained, I cant take this emotional stuff.. Its too fucken heavy for me. Im just a fucking looser. Im not worthy of any of this, why is it happenin now? Why can this not be how people live? How fallen we can be.... How fallen I am. Just why. Gotta get a grip of myself here. Im really loosing reason here for which ever unknown reason to me. Its rarer and rarer all the time for me recently. What did I do???? Ive just ... nothing .. writing to Veggie about Him on the fucken net?

Veggie? But shes like considering it insanity.. She is after social approval to even digest it. She fucken hates my guts.

Veggie....??!?!?

VEGGIE, Ill tell you anything you want, just ask, I DO want to remain here in my reasonless .. thing? Im literally lost in of my mind here. Its finally leaving me. Its been on since ive insisted telling you. Why you. youre just this normal infj. Ive met numerous like you.

Oh I gotta pray or smt here.

WAIT> 

if Im at love and I pray!!!!!!!!!!!! JOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

And then... the hardcore. But thats not up to me.. thats the gift side of the reality.

veg. thanks for even considering it. it has obviously massive impact on mi consciouness levls STABILITY. You fucken can influence the Grace quantity on me. Im so thrilled here I can barely write.

)))))))))))))))))

I feel so much like fucken givin right now I have no way to describe it. What on the Earth can I give that is not just worldly. What. How.

HAEVN - Where The Heart Is


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Veggie.

Dont take it from me.

PLS. Test it.

Im not ... I cant prove anything else but the material.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Yes. A random internet whackie. But Ive been around. IRL and here, too. Its ten yearz.

If you see the rest, the visible, the provable, will you promise to take into account both me ,,, well these feelings for you .. and that it can be that He is what He and everyone who has known Him claims Him to be?

Ill fucken go there as I promised you from the first time you asked for proof of normality/human


----------



## GirlAwayHome

I cant prove how I feel. Im a fucken intj. I cant understand feelings etc. Its just that its occasionally raises my counsciousness to love just like that, with no reason at all.

How can I explain that, Im a stupid trader - milly fuck. This is way over my expertise


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Im behaving already in a hyper weird manner. THIS would not be me.

Veggie. ICEMAN tapes. That is the real version. This, is something coming from outside of me.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Ive become mentally insane. Not even infj's get me anylonger. This is not good.

How can telling Veg on the internet give me this. Why does it raise me, what else did i do, took the agility course, went to the country club, asked the pilot about helic tech stuff, went to the field, got home, cleaned the dog, swam, and made 2 calls. Veggie. What... are are?


----------



## GirlAwayHome

They dont accept ppl that care at spec op of casual milly not to mention PMCs. Im changing. Im becoming ..?normal?. I have all the photos here in the library around me. Those medals are right there fucken 4feet away. They have my name on them. Its real.

but how is this happening. why. Am i gonna fucken finally die here. and what has veggie another person from perc like tens of others have to do with my levls. How.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Im just a casual fucking man. Im not really good at anything at all. Its because they rest are amazing we ever had success. I didnt .. I couldnt hit a woman not to go on those TBC projects and have herself killed. Im a fucking looser. I couldnt take the orgies anylonger. I suck as a father with kids going boarding bc im too uncapable to do any good at all. I have fuckin give orders I couldve ... I crashed those businessess for monopoly. Im an evil man..

Why me.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

This is embarresing. Im embarresing.

Im more embrassing even more than the Veg's rooster guys rather original idea to hit on a girl


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Writing.

And you really wanted to copy me? Im insane son.

Im literally nuts.

Its like really hurtfull you guys arent too. I think Im lost in somesort of love. Im at love, I just fricken love even you.

The motherfucking love for the enemy has reached me today. Why.. Bc of some Veggie.

But there been so many like her men and women, why her. What the fuck is going on..!


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Im really weird. Even to my own tolerance.

Im like a bloody definition of weird. Ever since You came into my range of perceiving.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Im alone in this all.

Im just with what You give me.

But why cant they have it too.

Cant like they have it too

They will love it.

They think Im a lunatic. They have to have it, too

All of them.

Writing especially to break through depression and his pride. And find love with enigma.

And AnneM to not believe anymore, but to know

And Series. To know Thee and praise Thee.

And Veggie.. to feel never again numb, but home like I do, now


----------



## GirlAwayHome

And Essie. To get free from her desire and orgies.
And Jax. To be serious.
And Mel. To suck less tittie. As it generates pain
And Tissa. Little Dad's sweet little Tis. To know He is indeed real and Granpa is wrong and Dads was telling the truth all this time.

And ... Flipper, you who left us so many years ago. You and Essie were such a fucking awesome team. And the outcomes of your sacrifice, those stats.. You always knew did you not. Thats why He took you, cuz you just wouldnt fuccken ever drop out of those love joy n peace would you. Fucking cunt. Leaving me here with no one else beliving me


----------



## Purrfessor

How could you even think I'm copying you? How could anybody? I really don't get it.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

All alone. What if He had not intervened. I wouldve just live that meaningless life you always were saying I live. Yea, I was fucken materialistic. Yea, those thrills meant the world to me. All of it.

And yea. I felt great to enter my dad's league. And yes I was after the vainglory of that round table. Yes. I am shit. But boy did you not teach me where the ultimate high is. And boy dont I just miss havin that real connection with someone. ANYONE.

Cant you just fucken pray for me again to have someone like that? stuff happened before too which shouldntd. That bleedin from the chest w/o anyone pressing it. When we left that ruined wall, how there were not casualties.. And tn's of other things too.

Pray for me to have ONE person who wants to understand Him. and His truly mysterios ways


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Writing. Im sorry man for drawing you down to my endless rabbithole. What Im experiencing puts both melacholy and depression on a pedestal which is shouldnt as I know those are heavy too man. I dont want to undermine what you were born to be. Just that this stuff, this's ripping out my heart in ways not even loosing real human love can.

I really lost Gog man. And Im the only one passioned, obsessed addiced and just insanly craving Him back.

I know my low key is an infinitum never to be matched.. I really am the lowest filth of the Earth alive. Im so low when Ill die worms will dodge me, not the get infested of this sadness.

So fucking sad and in love at the same time... I really love you too right now. I really dont mind any of the stuff you are doing. Not even the intj label as estp. I just ... love and am sad, no one is here with me.


----------



## AnneM

I am. I am here with you. You're right. I need to know, not just believe. How?


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Im sad at love? What on Earth. Sad while loving....!?

Why. Why cant they too! I want them all this. I want them all to just test it. What is wrong about that.

Why do they want the bad me. Why do they all want the loaded me. Why do they all want my body or mind, when they can have You instead.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

AnneM.

THIS:

1 tess 5 17


----------



## AnneM

Enjoy it for yourself. That's how it works. We'll all benefit from seeing you in the Light.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

NO!!!!!!

I dont want you missing any of It.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Any of you.

Im at love for telling veggie, a strager to me, the Truth no matter what. He rose me up to love..! )))

But theres more! I know, really REALLY do.

Its joy. Its feeling Him approaching. Thats the really good stuff. I cant speak nor write when thats on. Or Ive never ever really even tried as I cant no longer process it when its on. its a flow.

And that immaterial Light you say there, you dont even see anylonger with the .. these pshysical eyes, its just FULL on


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Its linked.

IT must be linked.


----------



## AnneM

This? 

https://i.imgur.com/RIx2yW3.jpg


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Its linked to overcoming oneself.

I didnt want to continue telling Veggie. I thought she was rude and childhish. But I saw her for a glimpse there, she had the necesarry courage to believe in goodness and authenticity of my intentions during these last days.. She overcame her own fear of never ever meeting love again. I wouldnt had insisted in it.. but she was open for just that one moment.

So I felt somesort of extrenal "mercy", and just went full steam. As much as one can on the net anyway.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

So that intention after giving everything out in the open, just boomeranged back with momentum from Him and it just ... its keeping me here now for a while already

Just listening the only version of Veggie Ive got>

Chris Isaak - "Wicked Game" - Cover by Daisy Gray


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Yes. That is it. Right hand side third last is it.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

That leads to Grace. Which is Peace. Which is the the Holy Spirit. Which is Him.

And then it goes dialog... And then you fuckin melt


----------



## GirlAwayHome

As the dialog is not words!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## GirlAwayHome

But Im not on my knees here praying. Im literally sitting on a desk chair wrting on a computer. Im ... its not ... i didnt ask for anything It just arrived.. 

I guess Him sensibilizing me to Veggies sufference there was the intro here.

but I really felt her sufference.. her lack of direction. and I just loved her openness to admit space for self developmetn


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Its as if Im somehow linked to her. I dont know how to explain it. Ive quite never experienced this before. Its like .... Like a magnet in the chest area? Oh my, that sounded weird. But thats how it feels like.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Im being really odd here. This in unapologetically weird. Where the fuck are my manners anyway. This is rude and highly intrusive. Oh man. I should definetely do more of the dog Agility thing. That is simple enough for one with my limited mind


----------



## GirlAwayHome

If He can do this to a person ... as low as me ... Oh my, He can do it to anyone willing at all.

Oh thats such a relief.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Saint Siluan.

And Mary of Egypt.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_of_Egypt


----------



## GirlAwayHome

They were like Beyond Peace.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

They could ... THEY could help people belive!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They did like some sort of miracles right. Like raising ppl from death or other impossible things unless you rule over the system of life, or the Ruler of the system of life gave you what... the .... what ?keys? of his Empire>>>>???????????


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Like to do what. To help them believe and the later know? As what to do what. To be invited to His Kingdom??!?!?!??!?!


Oh man... This is definetely outside of my league here


----------



## GirlAwayHome

But like how. What is it. Where to knock for it. What is that 3rd Heaven??? Where is it. He says its inside of you, but is that It, or is there more like an actual place. Because at Peace theres no music Paul mentions. There no visuals. Its the connection but not the rest Pauls sayhing


----------



## GirlAwayHome

There must be the counter part for hell. Like hell is a psysical supracouscious reality, Heaven must be a like place, right


----------



## GirlAwayHome

I dont know how Enlighment plays out. Sainthood in other words. But I do know this, if we knock long enough loyally, he shall reveal it all to us.

Because He is not like us, giving with little spoons intriguing for more mystery. He is categorically most firm there is. When He decides its time to deliver, you will never ever left unsaturated. It is the meaning the our lives, it is the fullfilment of why we are here. Forreal


----------



## GirlAwayHome

A disgrace for the human race.

A cause for shame for anyone who ever knew me IRL


----------



## GirlAwayHome

A guy so lazy too, one who would rather drink his own foot sweat than raise to grab a glass of fresh water


----------



## AnneM

GirlAwayHome said:


> Mate. I highly doubt I can. You literally have no idea what so ever how low I am.
> 
> Im the most incapable person living on the Earth now. I think - n I mean it - I might be the lowest scum of all human race. Bc when I did what I did in those wars, I did that in a manner, estps such as you were shocked. Im so digusting not even having a situation Solomon only dreamt of no one wants me for me.
> 
> Im so sad the rest cant love or be at love, I makes me wanna vomit just like rotting corpses around you in war do after youve set their blood pressure to zero, 7 days ago.
> 
> I hate every single cell of me for not being capable to reach out to even the non psychopathic ones, not to mention clinical cases like you. Or even worse, sociopaths I know IRL and run the laws of this thing we name as the world.
> 
> I really am the loosest arsehole of all. A disease.
> 
> A clown


Jesus is very disappointed in the way you are talking about yourself right now. Do you think this is how HE sees you? No, absolutely not. To Him, you are gorgeous and perfect, a child of God. You must forgive yourself, because He has forgiven you. Or else why did He have to suffer like that? If you are not going to do what He asks and forgive YOURSELF??


----------



## AnneM

@WritingLove Say something kind to him. Tell him you forgive him.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Im ultra dirty too: Ive slept with so many women I dont even remeber their count exactly not to mention names and looks. Im so sick I kept a diary with date and a range she was situated at from 0-10. I would objectise women based on sacking abilities. Nothing else mattered, but how many per one night. I would sack my own married teachers in junior high, I would sack my sisters best friends, I would sack anything over a 8.5 er at any given time before my 25th bday

Its a miracle I didnt catch AIDS or those bugs that one can get


----------



## AnneM

GirlAwayHome said:


> Im ultra dirty too: Ive slept with so many women I dont even remeber their count exactly not to mention names and looks. Im so sick I kept a diary with date and a range she was situated at from 0-10. I would objectise women based on sacking abilities. Nothing else mattered, but how many per one night. I would sack my own married teachers in junior high, I would sack my sisters best friends, I would sack anything over a 8.5 er at any given time before my 25th bday
> 
> Its a miracle I didnt catch AIDS or those bugs that one can get


And you are contrite. A humble and contrite heart, that's all He wants. And you have it. So you give Him that and take what He gives you in return.


----------



## series0

GirlAwayHome said:


> Writing.
> 
> And you really wanted to copy me? Im insane son.
> 
> Im literally nuts.
> 
> Its like really hurtfull you guys arent too. I think Im lost in somesort of love. Im at love, I just fricken love even you.
> 
> The motherfucking love for the enemy has reached me today. Why.. Bc of some Veggie.
> 
> But there been so many like her men and women, why her. What the fuck is going on..!


OK, So you are not insane. If someone is telling you that you are, even yourself, stop rehearsing that. There is a lot of organic clarity in your words and meanings here. You are a poet actually of some reasonable skill. 

But really, are you sensing that she WANTS you to do this extravagance? You are like a mad puppy, not insane, but fixated. I cannot speak for her, but it seems she is saying she doesn't want your attentions. You mention her (and don't mention her officially) in many many manic posts just here. What are you real goals towards her? I know I'm boring and self defeating with honesty, that which desire hates, but are you in tune with your own desire, that which makes you obsess? Will you not try to have fear and anger within you stand to that emotion and arrest its ... annoying persistence here (and I guess elsewhere on these threads)? 

Is self expression (and then to her) so critical for you?

Regarding Him, e.g. the ostensible son of God, if you have had an epiphany through some imagined medium then you start to credit that part of the process in much the same way that I like a certain spank rag or lubricant. It IS NOT the core issue. It is not the thing it stands for. It IS discardable. It is only the best distraction or pathway you have experienced up until now. 

A great example of this tendency, this danger, this addiction, this obsession; is drugs. They stand in for a feeling that is often wonderful and elusive. But their path is like some giant tied strings to all your limbs to perambulate you roboticly like a puppet. It is NOT the same as internal motivation with no crutch, no forcer. It you, your choice. And THAT, your choice, is so much BETTER than Him (or Her). No crutch is BETTER than walking.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

AnneM

You must be kidding me. Forgive myself! Never. Im nothing worthy to even pronounce His name. And filth.

Dont you really understand.

I had the best genes around, I was born an alpha. What more to ask for. I was hyperpopular during my entire life cuz of that alone and the caring that arises automaticaaly from tha.

I was born upper upper class. I can tell you my last 50 great grandfathers and youd recko most of the from your history or google. My father is leaving me and my sis a mining industry that is over 2k years old in the fam and forests/lamnd that have been over 1k years ours.

I have been educated by MPKK, and Camb. From which 2 deg. And have been given PMC interrogation course most soldiers only dream of ever even knowing even one person in the lives who had that.

And been delivered a neat little trading thing and a great team. And family. And persona friends.

And even if I lack one person to talk about Him,,

Haivn all of that, I think I sholdve done better helpin ppl out, no


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Series.

Welcome in man.

So a poet you say. But I wonder, what is of more value, a lousy poet or a love of wisdom?

Let me see what else you wrote.


----------



## AnneM

GirlAwayHome said:


> AnneM
> 
> You must be kidding me. Forgive myself! Never. Im nothing worthy to even pronounce His name. And filth.
> 
> Dont you really understand.
> 
> I had the best genes around, I was born an alpha. What more to ask for. I was hyperpopular during my entire life cuz of that alone and the caring that arises automaticaaly from tha.
> 
> I was born upper upper class. I can tell you my last 50 great grandfathers and youd recko most of the from your history or google. My father is leaving me and my sis a mining industry that is over 2k years old in the fam and forests/lamnd that have been over 1k years ours.
> 
> I have been educated by MPKK, and Camb. From which 2 deg. And have been given PMC interrogation course most soldiers only dream of ever even knowing even one person in the lives who had that.
> 
> And been delivered a neat little trading thing and a great team. And family. And persona friends.
> 
> And even if I lack one person to talk about Him,,
> 
> Haivn all of that, I think I sholdve done better helpin ppl out, no


Isaiah 1:18
"Come now, and let us reason together, said the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow."


----------



## AnneM

"I. THE FULNESS OF THE DIVINE MERCY. In estimating the fullness of God's grace to mankind, we must include: 

1. His patience toward all men, both penitent and impenitent. From the beginning of sin until the present hour God has been forbearing to inflict penalty. He has not dealt with us after our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities." The times of long-continued ignorance God overlooked, or did not interpose with special penalty or redemption (Acts 17:30). 

2. His pardon offered to the penitent and believing. In the Law we read that he is "the Lord God, merciful and gracious," etc. (Exodus 34:6, 7); in the Psalms we read that he is "plenteous in mercy," etc. (Psalm 103:8, 11, 12); in the prophets we read that "he is merciful and will not keep anger forever" (Jeremiah 3:12; and see text and Isaiah 55:7-9; Daniel 9:9). In the gospel of Jesus Christ remission of sins is a cardinal doctrine (Matthew 26:28; Luke 24:47; Acts hi. 38; 5:31; 10:43; 26:18). 

3. The thoroughness of his forgiveness. 

(1) The breadth which it covers. 

(a) The worst kinds of sin - blasphemy, idolatry, all forms of impurity, murder, etc.; 

(b) the most criminal condition - long-continued forgetfulness, sin against multiplied privilege, persistent and obdurate rebelliousness of heart, etc. 

(2) The depth to which it goes down. 

(a) Penetrating to the most secret thoughts of the mind, to the most inward motives of the soul, to the slightest choices of the will; 

(b) extending to the thoughts and things which have been overlooked and omitted, as well as to those which have been entertained and wrought. 

(3) The height to which it rises. 

(a) Leading to actual holiness - for pardon is the fruit of penitence and faith, and with them in the soul, the scarlet becomes as snow, the crimson as wool, the mind is radically changed, the life is thoroughly transformed 

(b) including full restoration, not merely the not exacting penalty, but the actual bestowal of the Divine favor - admitting to the Father's home and table, lavishing upon the accepted child every sign and proof of parental love. "


----------



## GirlAwayHome

That is the harmony. Ive always told you your stuff was original. )))))))))))

How fucken easy for me can it be to love you.

Im annoying because time is short. The Palesti deal was settled. That sets in a timeline in which to operate. That timeline is compressed in moments. Those moments are based on emotion, that then again had to be both cultivated and then amplified othewise, its shall pass as secondary in value. But. If it reaches the primary position and the check up begin and the curiasity it supported by the real deal, the impact is so totalitarian, it will give birth to trust. And if you are well intentioned and you have the trust, and you deliver the meaning of life, and the other tests it, and then realises it is the truth.. then, you have been replaced.

Which is the end goal.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

You and me. We have a different inner order on our dnas than women. For us, persistance is annoying af. To them, its meanigful. For me, to raise a adult woman is painful, but for her to mold me, is a pleasure.

Remeber that. As its true, here now


----------



## AnneM

GirlAwayHome said:


> You and me. We have a different inner order on our dnas than women. For us, persistance is annoying af. To them, its meanigful. For me, to raise a adult woman is painful, but for her to mold me, is a pleasure.
> 
> Remeber that. As its true, here now


And if she molds you with persistence? Is that annoying af? But, nah, she's not "molding" you. She's loving you. There's a huge difference. Love accepts, it does not mold. No Pygmalion Project.


----------



## AnneM

Check this out! Remember you said this to Veggie yesterday? I wrote that shit down and hung it on my cabinet! I'm gonna do it! I'm going to go to London and yell this! 

https://i.imgur.com/GLG9jot.jpg


----------



## GirlAwayHome

Thank you for entering the entry level of the hardcore. Im a man used to talking to men, so this will be a delight. )

Regarding Him, e.g. the ostensible son of God, if you have had an epiphany through some imagined medium then you start to credit that part of the process in much the same way that I like a certain spank rag or lubricant. It IS NOT the core issue. It is not the thing it stands for. It IS discardable. It is only the best distraction or pathway you have experienced up until now. .

In a way using logic you are right. The best version so far. Just that, theres something which is called the axes of humbleness pride. That is the ultimate dualism of the system of life. Free will revolves around those two solely. So. When the rest is full of pride, and One is lacking it, it becomes VERY interesting. For me, but I dream about including others too.

As you know, youre a man of extreme IQ and even higher perceptionm, I need not tell you how decions are gene based, that dna is of two races. Ours and theirs. That is why the original sin confirms it all, among other.

Love as you are more than well aware of is altruism. Pure altruism. The max manifesto of that is ... not fogiving but loving them .. because mate, they were born psychopahtic. FEEL the mercy for their lack of suerte.

It all links. leave the normal process perspective, take a much large cluster and envison it in a TIME LAPSE


----------



## AnneM

It's getting pretty late there, no? Maybe you should get some shuteye. :heart:


----------



## GirlAwayHome

A great example of this tendency, this danger, this addiction, this obsession; is drugs. They stand in for a feeling that is often wonderful and elusive. But their path is like some giant tied strings to all your limbs to perambulate you roboticly like a puppet. It is NOT the same as internal motivation with no crutch, no forcer. It you, your choice. And THAT, your choice, is so much BETTER than Him (or Her). No crutch is BETTER than walking.

Of course. We are sxso's mainly here. I drank from 11-19. I was an adrenaline junkie for, I still am. I was a sex addict for over 900 cases. I have done hero, skydiving, basejump, wars, Yamaha R1s, gliders, killing kittens parties, money, fame, you name it, Ive done it.

But this stuff Im talking about here man.... This is not from our world.


----------



## GirlAwayHome

This is the MEANING. The ENTIRE purpouse. THE reason for all movement. The motive for all extremities. The goal of fulfillment. The Compounded version of timeless and spaceless. And nowhere the last, Him showing His caring.

I can tell you this mate. That caring.... Take my motherfucken breath away.

And I have even made love to two women I love in my life. And that was more than cutting edge, made 11/10 level women become nonthing at all.

Just that this stuff .... It leaves me, literally speechless

Nothing comes even as a close 2nd to it. Nothing man.

It is just as Veggie named it, home.

THE ultimate comfort.


----------



## series0

GirlAwayHome said:


> AnneM
> 
> You must be kidding me. Forgive myself! Never. Im nothing worthy to even pronounce His name. And filth.


This is just overexpressed desire, even if it's poetry and not actually meant. It is wallowing in worthlessness.

You are worthy and to pretend otherwise is not to glorify Him or love, it's to fail in restraining your desire. This 'holy' idea, this distraction from truth, your union with worthiness, is an issue you have or seem to have in this prose you post.

Your self hatred or pretend self hatred is overexpressed.



GirlAwayHome said:


> Dont you really understand.


Exactly! Don't YOU really understand?



GirlAwayHome said:


> I had the best genes around, I was born an alpha. What more to ask for.


Apparently some self regard.



GirlAwayHome said:


> I was hyperpopular during my entire life cuz of that alone and the caring that arises automaticaaly from tha.


You do understand privilege, well, but maybe not self hate as an addiction. It seems to be with you. 



GirlAwayHome said:


> I was born upper upper class. I can tell you my last 50 great grandfathers and youd recko most of the from your history or google. My father is leaving me and my sis a mining industry that is over 2k years old in the fam and forests/lamnd that have been over 1k years ours.
> 
> I have been educated by MPKK, and Camb. From which 2 deg. And have been given PMC interrogation course most soldiers only dream of ever even knowing even one person in the lives who had that.
> 
> And been delivered a neat little trading thing and a great team. And family. And persona friends.


Peacocking isn't working. The audience is not @Veggie, it's you yourself. If you can't convince yourself, who else would bother believing the lie. They may pretend like you are to believe the lie, but if they are even marginally sensible, they do not. They will use you like a tool, all your feathers so nice and it's old laces. But they will also mirror to you your lack of self respect. Best be about seeing yourself as worthy then, instead. 

'He' doesn't love the unworthy. All are worthy.



GirlAwayHome said:


> And even if I lack one person to talk about Him,,
> 
> Haivn all of that, I think I sholdve done better helpin ppl out, no


Beating yourself up, or even pretending to, is not going to help. You can start being honest with all its 'boring' truth, right now. It is not boring, I promise. It's a BETTER drug than 'He' is, ... truth, because it is not a drug at all.


----------



## crazitaco

Romance is a wilted onion on a hot day.
Why would anyone want that? Ew.


----------



## AnneM

crazitaco said:


> Romance is a wilted onion on a hot day.
> Why would anyone want that? Ew


If you grew it yourself, you might be pretty proud of it, regardless of how it looked. I know I've been very happy with some pretty funky shit I've managed to grow myself.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

AnneM.

True.

Isaiah 1:18
"Come now, and let us reason together, said the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow."

But you dont want to understand.. I make psychopathy look like a lollipop. Look at the iceman tapes from you tube. THAT is me. ENTIRELY. Im a cognitive psychology grad, I can define sociopathy and how fucking evil that is, as its psychopahty with N brains.

Ive fucken betrayed my own alphaness. Nothing lower than betray your own genes. I have been hyper integrated in intj version sociopathy for an incredivlely long time. The habits are stil lthere. I am bad to the bone forreal.

Just that I guess He has has enought of me being that and .... yea 

------------------

indeed,love is above the level of acceptance on those 17 levels of counsciosness. So being so, it includes acceptance.
I would be normally annoyed, and very much so someone trying to change me. But. If Im hyperinteraged in sociopathy, and spir dev is the exit, then someone inspiring me in that direction for ideally somesort of mutual benefit should be interesting, right.

______________________

Hehhe. That was actually funny in a positive way. Both parts of that message, but more so that youd yell that in a place that will engage you for that, and then my men will notice me on that and then Id have to come resc you. Not that I wouldnt invite both you and series for a cup of tea at our head quarters nearby BoE there.

But first at least, let me offer you guys a plane to use. I just flew from Hawaii home, and Im telling you, both the couch and the bed are pretty valuable material things on longer journeys. Oh and not to forget to give credit to, the flight attendands that are dying everything that lays in their circle of influence to make that trip as pleasant as possible. We have these outstanding older women that are just amazing in all imaginable ways. ENFJ, INFJ and INFP. My my doesnt the enfj talk much too. All the three pilots adore her. Shes like the mother I never had. Beautiful human beings.

But yea, you wanna autoinvite yourself to London, youve got the courage set up at healthy levls, make a plan, take whom you wish with ya, Ill hand you over my Chairs tel number and consider the rest done. He will allocate social capital to take care of the formalities and the accomodation for the period you wanna visit us, we have a quad executive place with a neat view over Hyde park, and I think 3/4 of it is free for sudden situations, so thatll settle that need. You can choose a free program for a day-two and then come visit us at the office. And maybe even have a go with some of the traditiona birtish culture stuff on the country side. Stay a week say, and then either leave or leave to come back if you happened to like OUR City.

Sure. Ill fuck off to sleep. We have the Dog Agility thing again .. its what 4am, so after 7 we shall leave, I guess. And, never take a puppy in a car/chopper/plane/anywhere it can shit inside - as it more than certainly will.

If I wouldnt be so banned all the time, I could post a pic with him in the heli. But thatd be highly disrespectul here as of course on perc we would have all categ of socioeco classes.. so no pics then.

Shows over, now everyone can focus on confessions about the ultimate form of romance, I dream.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Series0

The problem I have, both pos and neg risk is this:

He is real.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Dig deeper man. See what a looser one can be having all and delivering others nothing of infinite value. Its really bad.

Im not mate. That is the tricky part to take in our calcs. That we are all fallen from Him. From His Grace. Everysingle one of us. And if we love ourselves just like psychology advices, we loose what matters.

"Who wants to save him self, .... , but those who dont, will receive the everlasting life". Or smt like that, I was never very religios so I dont really know the basic that well at all to my shame. 

Exaggerated self disgust? Mate I feel like theres just soooo much more of THAT. Thats my net reality. Im missing all the spins here mate. This aint funny anylonger.

I dont understand much at all. Im really on a R&D trip here. ALONE. (

Apparently some self regard.
How about net reality. Is it really that hard to digest. Come on.

Could be. Addiction I do understand. Can not associate what you are referring to there specifically tho. Im way dumber than my IQ test results. Like lots.

it's you yourself. If you can't convince yourself, who else would bother believing the lie. They may pretend like you are to believe the lie, but if they are even marginally sensible, they do not. 

But theres a thing. If AnneM arrives to London self proppeled, she is not leaving commercially, that I do guarantee you. And she will not help herself posting then on PerC. At that point you know what you dealt with today. And over the years too, as we talked before too. Quite comfortably.

They will use you like a tool, all your feathers so nice and it's old laces. But they will also mirror to you your lack of self respect. Best be about seeing yourself as worthy then, instead.

Excellent advice. I respect the effort. My IRL and to some extent perc issues are how to make all focus on the essence and substance than impress with the worldly assets. My say was that even having all, I still cant leave a proper legacy of REAL value.

I think He love them too, as He is love. But Im sure He will not approve all action and as to my understanding He is pretty much a firm Judge.. The sanctions will be heavy. Very, VERY heavy.

I thank you for the alternative offer, I can take a look at it if you present it, by mate, I have been delivered the notion about the ultimate comfort.

And I do not merit anything else but sadness and hell itself


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Gotta take a nap.

If you and AnneM want to take a friend or two with you and visit me and my men, whom are some old perc members too, that then moved to LDN with their weird americospanglish accent bc some lame job offer they found worthwhile, Im willing to cover for your trips.

Id be honored, actually.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

But series0, youll have to give me a signed copy when the book comes out.

I cant wait for stuff produced by your visions.  They always inspired me, especially as you saw the root of all in dna.

If you guys happen to have kids, bring them on too. Let then roll in the LDN EYE. )


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

And you are right. The audience lost Veggie when she let the queen check mate her after her frist move.
I guess she didnt realise she was playing at the max difficulty here. Better here than IRL havin had kids with her and the such. Hurts less. I have experimented the other options, and those DID hurt; As I didnt exactly sleep my 34 years. I wanted, but I just fucken couldnt.

*Two* alphas and an estp. She chose based on free will.

Next.

THIS would be at reason. THIS would be out of love. This is where sociopathy and bad ass starts and ruthlessness is just few notches below.

This is the too hard for her to handle part. This is what scares every single living being. This is what I wanna dodge.


----------



## series0

crazitaco said:


> Romance is a wilted onion on a hot day.
> Why would anyone want that? Ew.


What is cooking but intentional fast wilting? I love onions on any day.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

You see, Series, I really am all of the rest there on that list, you just got a glimpse of the level of love. He is the only one that can make behave.

If he is not around, a full random MC group in Pattaya from Germany calms down is seconds when I engage. And thats just words.

You should know, after all, you are the same. And Im sorry for us. It was the upbringing ... but He can make it great again.

I mean this FULLY.

If you test it. You shall praise Him just like I try to do now.

At the end of the day, just like I thought 10 years ago or so, what can I loose.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

But then again

7 200 000 000 / 50 000 of Lots is just that 144 000.

The rest of us. Hell.

They will crown me the King of Hell.

The only guy who knew and still ended in Hell.

Like this like that. N round it goes.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Series, I always respected celebral people who are open to ALL possibilities. Dont you dare close this one out. And if you just test drove it out of curiousity, you would then leave a legacy of a value the ancient Greeks couldnt. And boy were they not close

If you guys decided to test me, then just let me know, and Ill show you exactly what type of a man falls down on his knees for Love.

I dont think Ive ever managed to leave any PerC member cold after that specific decidion was take.

At least they all smiley a lot. I dont smile a lot, so smiling people are always a pleasure to have around us. ))


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Also.

Non extravagand people non exhibit people are rarely in the billies. They are usually at 50m or way below. As if any of that mattered anylonger atfer a mil per a month. Really dif to spend more than that. I did it, because I like the piranhas, but a shark ... just has to (swim) hunt with other sharks.

Its like an inner calling. Unfortunately, power is not Agape.

Otherwise Id be naggin you all about price action patterns and momentum or what the series greenie zero there is referring to.

The wordly is for pussies. Morality is for men with spine. And the verticality to have consistency in that. Now THATs a challange. To follow an infj.

Supracounsciousness is for the bad ass. As there, its so dangerous, you need God himself to bring you out alive.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Its five already. Bye sleeping for this night, the light is starting to pour in too I see. I have my agility training session soon. Gonna warm up the sauna, take a dip into the ocean for the willy too become hideble, get back to the sauna, spank my own back with some leaves in the Finnish style, get out take a few tours in the pool, row a bit on the rowing machine, take a shower, a morning massage, eat light, dress something modest, and call the choffeurrssseee to bring in the car and the dog.

Then Im gonna be driven to a helipad, take the aw139 and fuck off to my miserable agility training.

And then.

Im gonna entirely forget PerC ever existed.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Its five already. Bye sleeping for this night, the light is starting to pour in too I see. I have my agility training session soon. Gonna warm up the sauna, take a dip into the ocean for the willy too become hideble, get back to the sauna, spank my own back with some leaves in the Finnish style, get out take a few tours in the pool, row a bit on the rowing machine, take a shower, a morning massage, eat light, dress something modest, and call the choffeurrssseee to bring in the car and the dog.

Then Im gonna be driven to a helipad, take the aw139 and fuck off to my miserable agility training.

And then.

Im gonna entirely forget PerC ever existed.

Bc you guys just dont want Him. And his will.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

So fuck me, for good.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

My dream was to give you all what I considered of the highest value.

Maybe time will make you all think about it again. Actually, Im positive it will.

And series0 a bit more personally speaking. Dont try to dodge the sociopathy, its there for a reason. And that reason is to admin psychopaths.

Also, even more personally, I was a Ltn in a killzone this one time in 08? There was this perimetre we needed mandatorily to hold positions after a offesive fire fight. I had this older sergent "beneath" me, who I was intending to give orders about how I envisioned that position to allocate firing sectors for each of his squad, just that when I arrived there, he had already not only positioned them perfectly but were already engaging another sector to provide distraction and cover too. So I took him over later to check him out properly.

After a bit of testing, that man then became a fellow I chose anywhere I would be assigned to as my main sgt. Why because this man was equal with me. I had another officer with me even tho his rank was lower than mine. entp sxso 7w8 sociop. Do you know what sociopathy means to me? It means together all the way till death. Justice.

Now, istead of finding that a shitty destiny, why wouldnt you clean up the PerC from the psychos here in the honor of the rest of us. These guys are trying to limit our liberties. If you happend to miss that, which Im sure you did not.

But. Even that. Even justice, is Not agape. Its just another powerloop.

Time to get naked here and let the security guy witness the swagger. He should know its a shrimp, after all, that retired step sergent was my REAL officer back in the days. He will laught at me, but he will still love till death.

Thats how bad ass entp sxsos are. Which if you look in the mirror, you wont be finding to hard to find.

 Take care man.

Or visit me in London and we will do the naked run into that icy ocean together, sober. With 50 infj chicks in their late teens happily ever after. You choose first. Or switch from slap. They will adore it. Many who know what mbti means in LDN. They LOVE it hardcore, scooter or prodidgy style. Or even ACDC thunderstruck, going really REALLY hardcore.

I love them. And intjs, and entp and entjs. Those are my favorites for that desire you were talking about. Just that, again, that is not Love.

Neither agape.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

Yet having any experience within the reach of an hour, tops.

Im telling you, not even all of it altogether can ever compared to Him. All of the worldly is not worth to even touch His shadow.

I should know that pretty well by now. Unfortunately.


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

If I wouldnt be me, I wouldve like to have been Series0. Bc w/o my useless idiocies, he has arrived to the same conclusion. That love is the meaning of this life.

And that itself is already a pure miracle.

Man hug, and let aniother motherfucken awesome day begin. As Agape is a gift. So lets all try to follow a bit those commandments and just see what life brings along. right


----------



## LopiTopiforLife

3-4 members from well over a thousand. 4 out of 4 alphas. What a coincidence..

on the rock
next to the alley
between spines
and on good ground

25%/75%

Fuck mi, aint it cold outside. English summer..


----------



## Parazi

AnneM.

Having a different set of eyes.. Is nothing more than ones current level of counsciousness. Thats really it. It creates the perception of the net reality with clarity, or .. fog.

Veg.

People fall in love in mysterious ways..

That can be told all over again.

"That, or a complete evangelical who would never allow a woman to get through to him in the first place".
Correct. But there exceptions exist, if they just understood to close their eyes from the here and open them for the there. A woman can never handle a man that is ultradesirable, unless her goal is way beyond him and the .. stuff .. he runs and possesses.

If you connect them, if you dont then disconnect them with HEAVY disgust, they will be traumatised. If you manage potential relationships like that, you did not disintegrate them. Thats how that works. And misogyny is the how. Or ridicule, which you attempted too.

It might sound easy, to support a man that leads other men. It might sound easy to just be hot and smile and have enoght wittiness to make it, doesnt work like that at all. If you have ownership on something like that, the vainglory and attention you get as a woman, the levels of social acceptance, the all of it .. its not easy to not let it get ctrl over a woman. Its really A LOT. One needs to be anchored to deeper realities and higher expectations from life than using power or soc cap to impact. It has to be responsable asset managment, rooted into firm morality. And caring.

Manipulate via Christian upbringing - youre hearing yourself? Being a social refusal bc of that doesnt really look very attractive does it.

The only way to make me go away is for me to loose hope regarding your hope for genuinity. Do it. Dare to do that to yourself and see what outcomes.

And. I dont wank, you honestly think a guy in my position what, wanks? If you do.. thats just remarkable. I havent like had sex in 2 1/2 weeks now! No woman at all. Just one date to see if theres rust to the skillsets, there werent, that was all.

And no. Why are you so negative all the time, why does it have to be neg agenda? I dont wanna have you banned nor retired. Do you think that makes any difference to my quality of life. OF COURSE not.

You should really manage your fear. I know its this E567 thing, but still.

I am patronizing, BC you are disintegrated. You are on defence almost all the time, then you get my intentions for a sec, get well, and then again off you go to emotional insability. You think thats pretty? those are traumas, but I did not cause them. I was doing my alpha shit while you were learning life. Learn, be productive, be creative. The three main stages of process. You are at nb 1. And I merge all three dynamically. And the sad part is this, you can do it even better than me. Because of the F, I lack.

You want a your own will, fine, ditch Him. You have seen where thats led you so far. 

Or take the hand of any person who can lift others, expecting nothing in return.

At the end of the day, Im not the one renting a single room, w/o a direction in life watching his bioclock as its runnin out, wishing for a white knight to save her one day while youre blowing steam on PerC.

Im not perfect. I dont like to lie to make you smile. I wont ever do that. But Im a pretty well of fellow, thats interesting in spir dev. You dont want that, off you go. Zero hard feelz.

But if you just tested what I said there, any of it instead of ridiculing it all, I would forgive you for being ignorant. And maybe even seed you if you begged for it on the floor, naked.

HAEVN - Fortitude Lyrics


----------



## Tippuri

writin these love messages, as Ms. Veg there said, on notebook first and attaching them later in order to make it a faster drop and go. Ridiculously embarresing.

Gotta empty the case, before the tension rises.

I dont think about no one when Im occupied. I just go on with the IRL, which in my case is pretty overwhelming already in the most positive imaginable way excludin lonelines in my passion.

Series. My 2nd wife taught me something Ive been using more and more lately. I was a microexpression grabber before. But with time, I used this, alone, and its been very reliable psychometrical indicator:

Never look nor listen to their words. Always go for what they do. The rest is irrelevant.

Let me sample that one out.

Say a woman is being playful. Push pulls and what not. Even calling you a nerd. Which I think is around the worst insult ever. If she is:

- following the convos to spambox after youve left just to have you around her just for few more moments
- sending sensual dancing music vids when you are being dead serios, to have you back to herself alone
- telling you she is gonna be off for the weekend, as if you waited for her, it be delightfull to carry on a bit later
- or even going as far as challenging another women for territorial intrusion out of jealousy

OR.

- she's biting her lower lip talking to you
- she just can keep her hands off of you
- or more subtlely: a tenner becoming nervous and even dorky around you when alone, or even more so, tryin to diss you to see you stamina and so on.

Then, she is pretty serios about the potential of the relationship.

I could go on the subject of game and excitement for endless hours, as it was my favorite subject of focus for 25 years. I loved the game. I would go to ALL extremities with social experimentation with that. I tested EVERYTHING I ever found worth reading on the behaviour of the others or discovered theoretically first. Models, gym trainessess, yoga teachers, school teachers, actressess, princessess, starbucks and mcdonalds workers, students of all fields, including social psychology, MILFs, teens, and to my shame, even preganant chicks while their husbands were at work. Ive even had the experience of a mile high club during a night flight from Amsterdam to Bangkok. That was my first in so little space. Anything that had life in it, and was over 8.5 out of ten would do. 99% were one timers. 90% were group set ups. They women adored the sin in that. They craved after the forbidden lust. So we delivered. Till it would change the way the walked the next day. And a few after, to be sure they would remember.

Yet making love just once is more than any of that. Because of its emotional depth.

Im trying to break the sex escalation narrative here to not get the girls go off just imagining stuff. So.

The sleazynes after humiliation and exposure of those who use and abuse, or even seduce to then top up the rest of the accorded time, they would and did use faked vulnerability and victimization to save face. Other wise, the risk of sayin NeoCortex had rearrived as Writing mightve just popped out of the blue. And that would have been the end of an image that is nowhere near truthfull.

What Im afraid of here, that would explaine stuff is, is Veg just on defence, or has she had a proceedure or even a few, that make her dislike so heavily what kept her entire family united for so long. Is that it. Did she really go for those extents of depersonalisation.

Bc that would be the saddest I would know done ever by an infj.

But not being answered, its polite not to further inspect.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

I am bypassing popcorn for this... I prob have to go back days to catch up on all the missed alts and such.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

series0 said:


> Well, stalking is not wise in any event, especially if you have been clear about your contempt for his approaches.
> 
> I don't believe in God, let alone that one such is a 'He', a pointless designation. I do believe in love and that love itself is objective, and since many folks say 'God is love', that is something I try to accept with grace.
> 
> I sincerely hope you do not categorize me with him as in stalking you (or anyone). I post on these forums when they are public discussion, debate, and such regarding philosophy so me offering my supposed wisdom is assumed by BEING HERE. It would indeed be rude to taken offense at that. Of course each forum has its own thematic bent to participation, which I try to observe in the scope of my commentary. Anyway ...
> 
> 
> I detest the renaming functionality and even the avatar changing to some degree as it causes a clandestine deception in dealing with others on this forum. Still, you can usually tell who it is. Perhaps you know some of the names/userids this person goes by or went by? Incidentally, he does not mention me functionally. That means he is avoiding me knowing he is mentioning me. I have seen that tactic used before and it is very sad. As in this case, it kind of forbids the person mentioned from responding and is thus a form of libel. This is my official disclaimer for anything he has said although it does not mean I disagree either, if you follow.
> 
> 
> Ah, so you put words into my mouth. No, to that. Just no.
> 
> You may assume such things but like his disingenuous mention, that bears no resemblance to truth in any sense. I am usually a bit bothered, not overmuch, by people who are supposed similar to me. I am quite unique, I assure you, in most senses. Still, I am also sensitive to the enneatype 4 tendency to dwell on being unique as a moral error. That chest-thumping nonsense of today's people that you almost cannot escape is just this type of worthlessness wallowing. If you are worthy, I will remember your name, and if you posture on it, that only takes away from the presentation, it never adds to it. Gaga la la la, shish cum ba! It cheapens the expression to me.
> 
> And yes, so far, other than a penchant for organic humor and being admirably pushy, I see few similarities. He may take pushy too far (and I may as well). But if I do, I apologize for that. I know it can be a tendency of mine that is over expressed.
> 
> Anyway, good luck!


I see no similarities and enjoy when you post... it is straight up as meant. Anyone suggesting you troll has not clue and it is absurd in many ways.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

AnneM said:


> @Tropes :laughing:
> *
> Y'all, I just have to say, I think it is hilarious that you could think this guy is a troll. I spend a LOT of time on the internet, and I've seen my share of trolls in action. Just because you react to him as a troll doesn't mean he actually is one.*
> 
> Y'all have just been playing ping-pong with his dupe on the forum. I have been talking to the main person via PM all day, every day since June 17th. @Veggie, if it makes you feel better and less creeped out, many of the things he said were meant for me, but for some reason he couldn't say them to me. Maybe because I'm married, who knows.
> 
> I hope they leave all this on the thread. It really does belong here. Seems more psychologically and spiritual worthwhile to me than much of what's posted here.


:shocked:

He is not the only one and I wonder if you may be as well lol

Take out all of the in between and I just see contradiction. (I scrolled past most)

Basically, do not insult this person I have a twisted relationship with? Treat him with respect like he does us and the forum for my own entertainment? lmao


----------



## AnneM

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Basically, do not insult this person I have a twisted relationship with? Treat him with respect like he does us and the forum for my own entertainment? lmao[/COLOR]


:laughing::laughing::laughing:

That's a good point. I never thought of it that way. I'm a very _special_ person, I'm telling you. But he'd be doing this shit, as Veggie points out, whether I was participating or not. Don't know how much longer I can keep it up anyway.


----------



## AnneM

@ENIGMA2019 But, just so you know, I'm not _entertained_ by it at all. I wish it wasn't happening. I take it pretty seriously, and it takes a huge toll emotionally.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

Me through this horseshit thread....










Wasted a few minutes just scrolling past 90% *sighs*


----------



## AnneM

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Me through this horseshit thread....
> Wasted a few minutes just scrolling past 90% *sighs*


Ok, but then surely you can see that you're not in a position to judge it as a whole? If you haven't read it thoroughly?


----------



## ENIGMA2019

AnneM said:


> @ENIGMA2019 But, just so you know, I'm not _entertained_ by it at all. I wish it wasn't happening. I take it pretty seriously, and it takes a huge toll emotionally.


Yes and a person claiming to be atheist quoting scripture at a whim for purposes tells me just that.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

AnneM said:


> Ok, but then surely you can see that you're not in a position to judge it as a whole? If you haven't read it thoroughly?


Yes, I am. I scrolled through the BS. Hence, I can do what I want and think what I want. 

Do you pay my bills? Raise my daughter? Who are you to judge me and say I should be open minded with how I invest my time?


----------



## AnneM

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Yes, I am. I scrolled through the BS. Hence, I can do what I want and think what I want.
> 
> Do you pay my bills? Raise my daughter? Who are you to judge me and say I should be open minded with how I invest my time?


Whoa. Chill the fuck out, lady. I'm just saying, who's putting a gun to your fucking head and making you backtrack thru this thread? You obviously get _something _out of it.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

AnneM said:


> Whoa. Chill the fuck out, lady. I'm just saying, who's putting a gun to your fucking head and making you backtrack thru this thread? You obviously get _something _out of it.


 lol Me chill? We are only still talking about this because you are being forceful with your take on how we should treat someone else and that we have to read all of the stupid shit to "understand or have an option" ? Let's leave it with this.... find something else to do besides lecture me or others on what we do or think on the forum or life.


----------



## AnneM

ENIGMA2019 said:


> lol Me chill? We are only still talking about this because you are being forceful with your take on how we should treat someone else and that we have to read all of the stupid shit to "understand or have an option" ? Let's leave it with this.... find something else to do besides lecture me or others on what we do or think on the forum or life.


Right-o.


----------



## BenevolentBitterBleeding

gosh darnit just trying to read some hot confessions before I goes to sleep but nooo life can't be ez fur me now can it? :th_sad:


----------



## Kynx

BenevolentBitterBleeding said:


> gosh darnit just trying to read some hot confessions before I goes to sleep but nooo life can't be ez fur me now can it? :th_sad:


Afraid not
Sorry pal


----------



## AnneM

BenevolentBitterBleeding said:


> gosh darnit just trying to read some hot confessions before I goes to sleep but nooo life can't be ez fur me now can it? :th_sad:


If I were not just a homemaker stuck in the house all day with two little kids, I would very happily oblige you.


----------



## Barosso

Kynx.

I wanna say that, if what is incoming after ww3 makes me shaky, IT will make all us shake. That is why that confession exists.

When Veggie there said she was sorry if any of what I said was true.. At that point, she got it. Now. I guess, its fulfilled.


----------



## Barosso

And AnneM. Some are disgusted, others frustrated, some want it but cant handle it, while the 25% will keep loyal to it. For those, its all crystal clear.

Loved the icons, but loving what that paper of yours says even more.

take care of veggie there if its appropriate to ask


----------



## AnneM

Barosso said:


> And AnneM. Some are disgusted, others frustrated, some want it but cant handle it, while the 25% will keep loyal to it. For those, its all crystal clear.
> 
> Loved the icons, but loving what that paper of yours says even more.
> 
> take care of veggie there if its appropriate to ask


Of course. Thank you for your outpouring of love.


----------



## Willigness

Where the fuck am I gonna get a Bible in the middle of the night? Who do I know that is awake at these hrs, no one. Or they are wasted in bars or sailing or what ever else than what I need.


----------



## Willigness

Dont they have like urgency churches like in vegas, what if ppl wanted to get married drunk, where would that happen?


----------



## AnneM

Willigness said:


> Where the fuck am I gonna get a Bible in the middle of the night? Who do I know that is awake at these hrs, no one. Or they are wasted in bars or sailing or what ever else than what I need.


You want me to find you some verses?


----------



## AnneM

Just go to biblehub.com


----------



## Willigness

THERES ONE IN MY CHAIRS SPORTS CARS FRONT LUGGAGE SPACE!

I gotta put one some underpants, some shorts, flip flops, a t shirt and a jumper first. Then, I gotta take the tube to the Bank to not wake up the driver. Then I will shock the security at the office by arriving at these hrs in the weekend, ask for them to open the garage space for me, break a window of his car, open the front luggage, get the book, and go sack in the smaller neg room as theres as really nice hard couch there. My chair will so laught at this adventure of mine tonight, but a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, and he knows me well enough for me to break into his car just not to wake him up for a book or the keys. We will send the car to have a new window next week, if they have one of those for that one as its sorta a collection thing, like a classic.

Thats the winner


----------



## Willigness

Good idea. But I cant read Saint stuff from the screen of a laptop. Just cant focus, Im xxtx for Heavens sake. It takes me ages to tune up to Love.


----------



## AnneM

Willigness said:


> THERES ONE IN MY CHAIRS SPORTS CARS FRONT LUGGAGE SPACE!
> 
> I gotta put one some underpants, some shorts, flip flops, a t shirt and a jumper first. Then, I gotta take the tube to the Bank to not wake up the driver. Then I will shock the security at the office by arriving at these hrs in the weekend, ask for them to open the garage space for me, break a window of his car, open the front luggage, get the book, and go sack in the smaller neg room as theres as really nice hard couch there. My chair will so laught at this adventure of mine tonight, but a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, and he knows me well enough for me to break into his car just not to wake him up for a book or the keys. We will send the car to have a new window next week, if they have one of those for that one as its sorta a collection thing, like a classic.
> 
> Thats the winner


That sounds complicated. Surely there's an easier way? If you're in London, there's got to be a church open somewhere? Catholic churches are always open.


----------



## Willigness

Hey! But how about printing some from Paul out!!??!?!?


----------



## AnneM

Our Lady Queen of Heaven Catholic Church, right there by Hyde Park. Just looked it up.


----------



## Willigness

Are they? I wasnt aware of that. Yea, Im on the East of Hyde right now.


----------



## AnneM

Willigness said:


> Hey! But how about printing some from Paul out!!??!?!?


Sure. What's your favorite book of his? Thessalonians?


----------



## Willigness

Havent ever even heard of it!  Which side is it? N-S-E-W?


----------



## AnneM

Willigness said:


> Are they? I wasnt aware of that. Yea, Im on the East of Hyde right now.


Looks like this is on the west side of the park. 4A Inverness Pl, Bayswater, London


----------



## Willigness

Im embarrest to say but Ive red the Book just once cover to cover. I dont really remeber it that well. But if I had had the Book here I wouldve opened the part where he says about love. About how even he had all, lacking love, hed be nothing


----------



## AnneM

I wish I could go sit in this church with you right now!


----------



## Penny

i'm not listening to a 46 minute talk. any good points to it?


----------



## AnneM

Willigness said:


> Im embarrest to say but Ive red the Book just once cover to cover. I dont really remeber it that well. But if I had had the Book here I wouldve opened the part where he says about love. About how even he had all, lacking love, hed be nothing


That's my favorite. I'll go find it.


----------



## Willigness

Thats a great plan C
Plan D is the car.
Plan B is to try to find a printing machine here
Plan A is just having it coming from you, so that your opportunity for love wouldnt have a miss on it.


----------



## AnneM

1 Corinthians 13

1If I speak in the tongues a of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, b but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


----------



## Willigness

Dont worry AnneM, this is way better than I was few hours ago.

INFJ counsulting the INTJ, this is exactly how its natural to be. And me protecting you all from filth. Perfecto


----------



## AnneM

Cool!!!!


----------



## Willigness

He would tell me stuff that would occur with nuance like precision. Trying to hide it to not loose humblenseess.


----------



## Willigness

He was at least at Peace, it was going THROUGH me


----------



## Willigness

Its was so warm and pleasant, so .... ?sweet? and extremely delightful. Like a breeze of fresh air, but incomparable.


----------



## Willigness

I felt it around I dont know 100-150metres before I got to him


----------



## Willigness

I reckognized it as being the same as when I went to test the russian pilgirm book years before with that bicycle with only 2.5EUR in my pockets that I never ended up spending but got 6 weeks later throu the Swiss Geneva to malaga. All miracles you can even imagine. At peace the bike would just run by itself!! There would be cherries I wanted in trees and then I eat, and then they wouldnt be the anymore. And so on infinitely, all that trip. Random ppl would give me food and shelter. And they would all just love me, a guy who never felt love in his childhood. Like they were expecting for me. Miraculos


----------



## AnneM

Beautiful!! That Jesus prayer is something else...


----------



## Willigness

And. I felt it there at Athos too. Its all over that place. But when I got to this elder, like I said I felt it like well over 100m away. As if I was arriving ?home?. It was just so amazing, all the doubt, the neg whispering, all of that was just burning around and in me. I felt it literally getting burned.

And then when I got to him, the communication was just .... it went to nonverbal in like seconds. Just flows of info. Just like with Him. Just a little less firm, as He is VERY VERY VERYYYYYY firm. Like 99.9% firm and 0,01 warm. You do realise its THE authority you are dealing with. Zero ambiquity, zero clownery,zero jokin.


----------



## Willigness

And then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My hunger dissapeared!!! And need to sleep. IT was all history. I dont understand how that is possible, but they were def gone. Like GONE.

So the next morning I wasnt eating, bc I just wasnt hungry. All the monks were staring at me like I was a weirdo, so just fucked off obviously, and then later, again, I didnt eat, bc there was no hunger. I felt it was insane to eat if I was full already. I felt well eaten and well rested, so I just went to the night service. The next day I went there to sit out of politeness on that table and again, there was hunger, so I looked at the elder, and without any normal communication he then 'inspired me" to eat for the others to not get too distracted. So I ate. But I couldn eat much, becaus I was already full. Like I had just been eaten two elephants.


----------



## Willigness

"That Jesus prayer is something else..."

I KNOW. 

It can go 100-200 to just warm up to love. 1k-2k to Joy if you are unpure. 5k or so for pure Joy. Thats like 12hrs if its running slow.

Then 8-10k to make it a habit strong nuff to have it with you during all day. Few days like that and its starts to roll by itself during sleep, you kinda, what dream about it? Then few weeks like that and if you go to bed with it, get asleep with it, then ... well, then the heart ... then it rounds around its edges. And then it gets from the mind to the sentimental. Then its one every single sec or heartbeat of the day. Then. It becomes unnoticeble, bc ........ then ........ it raises one to .. uuummh ... Peace.

And then belief changes to knowledge


----------



## Willigness

And then you die for this world. Even if you will fall down from it. As its a gift, and you dont yet understand its a gift.. You think that cuz you rolled a few weeks a prayer rope you can do it again anygiven time. ... But it doesnt work that way. He merges with you based on His own will, not your purity level, not your roll of that rope. No cuz of anything else but His will..

And then, then you know what a true treasure means. Then you can be anything that is valued here, and yet, you know how poor you truly are. Even if everyone around you sees you rich, your definition of rich is on a completely other not just level, but literally dimension.


----------



## Willigness

And then all thats left for one .. as raising to Peace might be a bit rare .. is to well, try to win over humbleness, care about the sufference of the others, have as much mercy on those who are genetically or spiritually unfortunate and just try to endure the indifference all people have towards my object of love.

But no one wants to even listen to me. IRL its easier as the worldly "success" impressess them, but if I do the same with people that do not know me, with undercover low class camoflage. ... they will spit on me, throw their hot coffee on me, hit me, turn their backs on me, rip my clother, attempt to intimidate me, ridiculate me, urinate on me if I beg on a corner for bread, show me their genitalias, and even try to cut me.

I mean, its really really bad. Those social experimentations done in front of our office building mainly, has left many of my traders shocked.


----------



## Willigness

I wanted to see, how would they treat me, before they stand in front of me as what I used to be back then, VP and Founder of the firm. The ENTJ that is now the Chair took the Press role as he is the more talkative of us. While I handled the HR side entirely with the HR director and those HR managers.

So they would pass over me at the corner of that building and not even see me. And then at interviews they would play hyper caring and what not. And then I would leave them there, dress up again, go to the corner and our one of those managers would take them to me to ask for the signature to hire them. And I would sign if there was the potential. And they would change in a blink of an eye from pride to at least willigness.


----------



## Willigness

Im the way, truth and life.

in other words

prayer, full truth and Grace


----------



## AnneM

Willigness said:


> "That Jesus prayer is something else..."
> 
> I KNOW.
> 
> It can go 100-200 to just warm up to love. 1k-2k to Joy if you are unpure. 5k or so for pure Joy. Thats like 12hrs if its running slow.
> 
> Then 8-10k to make it a habit strong nuff to have it with you during all day. Few days like that and its starts to roll by itself during sleep, you kinda, what dream about it? Then few weeks like that and if you go to bed with it, get asleep with it, then ... well, then the heart ... then it rounds around its edges. And then it gets from the mind to the sentimental. Then its one every single sec or heartbeat of the day. Then. It becomes unnoticeble, bc ........ then ........ it raises one to .. uuummh ... Peace.
> 
> And then belief changes to knowledge


Man, I try. I don't know what my problem is. ADD, I guess. You'd think if the payoff was going to be so big, I could get motivated.


----------



## Willigness

Im exiting love here now Anne... I can perceive it arriving. Its so smooth and line


----------



## Willigness

Take it easy, first


----------



## Willigness

No need to rush anything let it come naturally


----------



## Willigness

You blood is aligned with it, its the heritage

Im no longer at love I believe ... this is it arriving then I guess


----------



## Willigness

Its is not nurture. It is nature based. Its the dna, which has the synergy and merges or it never will


----------



## Willigness

This is good stuff AnneM.

I didnt know this can happen w/o the rope. I didnt know it can happen from having just .. mercy


----------



## Willigness

This is good. This is just good. I dont know what to say anymore


----------



## AnneM

Then say nothing. Silence is Awesome.


----------



## Willigness

I cant think clearly, its somesort of a flow.. Its like a .. I find hard to .. its just a somesort of stream thats running through me .. it fills me it .. it wakes me . The awereness is different I feel happy like im on slowburn of TOTAL happiness


----------



## Willigness

This is good stuff. This is stillness, my mind is lagging, its a feeling of somesort of eternal acceptance


----------



## Willigness

This is really good its more love its so still is so pure


----------



## AnneM

:happy::heart:


----------



## Willigness

so pure so beautiful so beautiif soooo miracul so calm


----------



## Willigness

so calm and .. calm


----------



## Willigness

it calms me


----------



## Willigness

so baeutif so peacefull n still


----------



## Willigness

pure


----------



## AnneM

Shhhhhhhhhhh. Rest.


----------



## Gossip Goat

My boyfriend is so sweet : (

The apartment I got us is smaller than I expected and he's so reassuring and nice about it. I'm going to stop saying negative things because it's annoying but when I have made comments about it he just makes me feel better. He's so nice. When I said it was small and depressing he said he loved it and that it was our tiny home :'( what an angel.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

Dear person of many alts,

Your assessment of me as interesting in some aspects as wrong in 90% of statements or assumptions is I can not really expect any less right? h: You may have missed where I have made a choice to not have sex for well over a year and a half plus. BTW I am definitely not into any of the list of things you claim ESTP and ENFP females are into 48hours/a week. I am all about pleasure and not sadomasochism. 

Sincerely,
The person that reads you do not want to be judged but, judges others and inaccurately at that.


----------



## Wisteria

the state of my love life right now: 

- One guy who I was really into and the only person I really cared about ended up acting like an asshole and ghosted me. I still liked him regardless of everything he put me through, like i was clinging onto the idea that he does like me back and will come around. 
- Another who seems to want to date me but I find him so unattractive and like he's so similar to me he doesn't really offer anything new. As cliqued as it was I said i dont want to date and lets be friends. He beleived it which didn't suprise me because i cant imagine many ladies dating him, to be bluntly honest. He's overweight and dresses weird.
- The third is the master of making his actions contradictory to his words. Seems eager to hang out, always asked me when i was free, then bails on the plans last minute about more than half the time. Says he doesn't just want to "have some fun in the bedroom" but literally only flirted with me and asked for photos constantly. Tells me he doesn't want us to go fucking other people then goes on vacation with his ex or so called "female friend".

Solution: Stop dating men ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Giving up and getting a cat still seems like the best option.

(the second guy didn't do anything wrong and thats why it frustrates me the most that he has to be the least attractive one :c The other two should probably be blocked)


----------



## Purrfessor

Bad Bunny said:


> the state of my love life right now:
> 
> - One guy who I was really into and the only person I really cared about ended up acting like an asshole and ghosted me. I still liked him regardless of everything he put me through, like i was clinging onto the idea that he does like me back and will come around.
> - Another who seems to want to date me but I find him so unattractive and like he's so similar to me he doesn't really offer anything new. As cliqued as it was I said i dont want to date and lets be friends. He beleived it which didn't suprise me because i cant imagine many ladies dating him, to be bluntly honest. He's overweight and dresses weird.
> - The third is the master of making his actions contradictory to his words. Seems eager to hang out, always asked me when i was free, then bails on the plans last minute about more than half the time. Says he doesn't just want to "have some fun in the bedroom" but literally only flirted with me and asked for photos constantly. Tells me he doesn't want us to go fucking other people then goes on vacation with his ex or so called "female friend".
> 
> Solution: Stop dating men ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Giving up and getting a cat still seems like the best option.
> 
> (the second guy didn't do anything wrong and thats why it frustrates me the most that he has to be the least attractive one :c The other two should probably be blocked)


I support the plan to get a cat. If you want true love that is..


----------



## AnneM

Bad Bunny said:


> the state of my love life right now:
> 
> - One guy who I was really into and the only person I really cared about ended up acting like an asshole and ghosted me. I still liked him regardless of everything he put me through, like i was clinging onto the idea that he does like me back and will come around.
> - Another who seems to want to date me but I find him so unattractive and like he's so similar to me he doesn't really offer anything new. As cliqued as it was I said i dont want to date and lets be friends. He beleived it which didn't suprise me because i cant imagine many ladies dating him, to be bluntly honest. He's overweight and dresses weird.
> - The third is the master of making his actions contradictory to his words. Seems eager to hang out, always asked me when i was free, then bails on the plans last minute about more than half the time. Says he doesn't just want to "have some fun in the bedroom" but literally only flirted with me and asked for photos constantly. Tells me he doesn't want us to go fucking other people then goes on vacation with his ex or so called "female friend".
> 
> Solution: Stop dating men ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Giving up and getting a cat still seems like the best option.
> 
> (the second guy didn't do anything wrong and thats why it frustrates me the most that he has to be the least attractive one :c The other two should probably be blocked)


Watch out for that second one. Once there was another INFJ guy that pursued and pursued me (gently). I was pretty lonely, so I eventually just surrendered. We were WAY too alike. And, even though he wasn't unattractive, _I_ wasn't attracted to him AT ALL physically. Plus he was 17 years older than me. I was 21, I think. And he was 38. He hadn't been with anyone in a loooooong time. It kind of had the feel of a pity project, except I was too tired at the time to think of it that way. It was more like I just lay down and promptly fell into a coma. Those are the hardest relationships to get free of.


----------



## bleghc

i initially wanted to accredit his lack of initiative as something inherent to his communication skills (or lack thereof) but at this point, i'm convinced that he just doesn't want to talk anymore. and it's not like i resent him for it. i get it. you've been away for a year. it was a given ever since i found out you were leaving that we were going to drift apart but i didn't realize it would hurt like this. i miss you. a lot. i want to say i'm over it but i don't think i am. maybe my feelings are nothing more than a manifestation of my clinging onto the familiar. maybe you weren't all what i made you out to be. or maybe i'm just telling myself that because i'm scared that the alternative may be that you were exactly that if not more. it pains me to think about everything we could have been now if only i had been a little more patient. not even just romantically but just as friends - the way we always had been and the way we could have maybe continued to be if i hadn't told you how i felt. i get the futility of questioning the past when there's no way to change it but i just wanted to tell you that i miss you and i hope you're doing okay.


----------



## outskyed

AnneM.

I have no words to even start with. It even amplifies the amazement, as that was the first time in my entire life I let a woman lead me. All the people in your life are extremely lucky to have you around.

There was a time when the writing just stopped. I wanted to share, but I no longer could. The mental was off completely, the river just took fully over me.. The tiers started and the writing just stopped there somewhere. So I started to pray and then the tiers dryed after a while and then prayer didnt no longer exist as it was no longer needed to ask for something that was already there. And then ... thats something I will keep for myself only, I guess. And then towards the morning the tiers came back and gratitude filled everything. And joy flow is where the rest of the day was spend in the park: people would come and go, and I would just sit there in my flip flops and shorts, and there was not cold nor thirst nothing. Just joy and tiers, after tiers after tiers.

Its been no longer lonely today. Ive lacked nothing. Ive just been there precisely resting. Ive had a long life, I need rest. I needed that. The fog was all gone. I was there just admiring what can exist, and just contemplating it. It would then take my breath away severally during the day. I couldnt even wonder how it could have started to happen then. There was no logical internal exchange, there were no outside intrusion with thoughts or sentiments, just pure love. And happiness. I was so happy today I could not even smile. I still can not. So fulfilled. I had almost forgotten how it was like. But can one really ever forget, even if almost ten years had passed, one would still miss the love of his life, forever. No space, no time can ever even lessen true love. Especially not towards something absolute. Ive loved 2-3-4 women differently with all of my heart, but it was relative, while this is literally absolute perfection. No wonder Solomon and all the rest were melted by it.

There was then a drop into love merged with joy in which I believe I still am. Its like a river of love flowing through out me with theres little sparks of joy there and there. Its still here. I dont understand whats making it stay, nor does it really matter as long as it never leaves me again. I want to belong to it fully, forever. I wanna commit to it forever. I wanna devote myself to it exclusively. I dont wanna it leave me again for decades. I just want it to stay upon me. Nothing else matters. Nothing else really has space to exist in the general sphere of attention than it and love. Which, is really just the same. But one being vertical and the other, horizontal. One for Him and the other, for you all. Just like the cross.

The emotional stability is so beautiful. Its makes me feel light as I would be hovering. It is like all of it is inside of me. The entire universe. The full lenght of hope and trust. All the wave lenghts of love. All the forms of love. All the love ever existed over all time pulsating inside of me. As if ... I would be made of love instead of anything else. As if Id be ready for something I can not even comprehend. As if it was time for me to go.

Its really like nothing else. I feel safe now. Theres no reason. I dont anylonger try to understand anything. I know it. Theres no effort. Theres no doubt. Theres only firmness of this everly present love. That just occasionally melts me to tears, then takes me to love the others, then lifts finally home, and it just mingles with itself as if it was a trinity of a perfect flow that had decided to ... forgive me ...... indeed, forgive even me.

And then when I melt down too badly up there, it extremely gently lowers me to loving the others or contemplation. Or it raises me to joy to pulsate inspiration that I was used to seek from women and men before and then this circle of life just revolves around itself me just admiring it do its playfull little mingle - its really delicate too, like a child, like a woman in love fully surrendering her to me emotionally, vulnerable and so sensitive. Its an energy that has something infinite in it, as it has no beginning, no end. It reminds me of the sacred geometry slightly in a how it looks like if you try to put a form onto it, yet lacking that, I can tell you its perfectly symmetrical, but this one is simple somewhat like the mathematical sign of infinity, as this twists around at the middle of it too, just that that sign is dimensional while this is .... outside of any form or points in neither time nor space. Its all inclusive. It has every form of energy inside of it under perfect harmony. Its more than just system of life. Its truly is life itself. Just like nothing else. So pure and so hidden. Its so humble its hidind itself. It looks so tiny like a miniature version of the universe, like a spark but everything is just inside of it. Its so amazing Ive never even dreamt anything like this to even exist. I have no words to even remotely describe the sacrality of it. But that is what is really is. It is - to the entirety of it - literally sacred.

Everything just makes sense now. I dont have to use the mind right now even to write this. Its all just flowing out naturally. Its all just really easy. Theres no need for competence, actually, there is no competence, theres just ... relax. Im really, really relaxed right now. Ive been like this since last night. As if its all settled now. As if its done. As if the me would no longer even be. As if I wouldnt be me, but us. As I was merged into the us. As if loneliness would no longer ever exist. As if love would have agreed to never let me go again. As worthyness is nothing to even focus on. As if its time just to wait for the transition to home. As if it would have now its fingerprint on my very soul. As if I am now a part of the us.

Its been a really long life for me so Im gonna go. Im ready to go. Theres no more fear for it to happen. I feel like Its inviting it for me. I dont graps any of how its going to play out, as Im perfectly healthy, but I feel it coming to me slowly. It is allowed now. I can also feel how it wasnt allowed before. But now the prominence is permissive to that to take place. And I feel fine about it. It doesnt move me one way or the other, its just pure genuine acceptance of the highest law to play the record for me in the way it will be appropriate.

Im certain its there for you too AnneM. You are amongst the very persons I know who would treat it with the reverenge it deserves. Im grateful for you for pushing me into the process that led to this outcome. I was dreaming about that to happen in the way it did for a long time. Just never relised it could happen via virtual too. That was unexpected, but then again, it is truly all a genuine mystery. I was imagining it to come for your race, but I really just couldn pin point the right person till you came about from all possible directions at once all the time. It was a long wait for me. I was loosing hope and belief and love for so many time. I lost them all yesterday for the first time. And then at the last second, through you, he decided to then raise me. There have been a lot going on in my life, but the bicycle trip and now this, are like nothing of the world. And from those two, this one is incomparable to the first one. This all is perfect. The perfect rest. Its so calm inside. Just that play of love for all, inspiration and peace one after another, again and again and again. Infinitely.

This is the only thing that will ever compensate the sufference of the world. This is the culmination of ultimate forgiveness.

I dont know anylonger what to do. Im just staying here amazed all the time. Right now, this very second, I realise I havent engaged any of my earthly life at all for 24hrs. Nor is there any trace of wanting to. I literally want nothing. Theres no more the want. I feel like I have been born today. I react to life like a newborn. As if all is new. Like I had been dead till now and suddenly could see. Im looking to people and I see so much more and its not even overwhelming me. They all are in slowmotion, and their inner is just so available. As if they would be me and I would be them. As we would form a perfectly merging magnet of plus and minus. While both being both simultaneously while the energy just plays there its natural dance.

Theres no longer the gravity of no sin. I dont feel sin. Im not aware of any sin. My attention cant even focus on that anylonger. It seems like the me has been dissolved and then integrated to something new that I cannot define in a better way than with the term us. I feel like I am us. Its a chill. Committed relax. And I also no longer feel it extraordinary and overwhelming, I feel it rather casual actually, as if this was the original normal. As if the standard of normal is love-joy-peace circle. I just noticed, I no longer feel the need to write this with CAPs that much, exactly as if this is normal. So beautiful. Ive waited for this moment counsciously for almost ten years now, and now that it is here, instead of getting dulled like with the worldly goals needing the next, I feel fulfilled, but not as a state, but as everly evolving reconfiguration of that fulfilment. As if its renewing itself constantly. And surely it is. Its alive.

This is just really pleasant. I agree too now, you were here with me, as you were during the very last moment of the last stage of the process that led to ... this. But if this message can deliver even 1/∞ part of what is occuring, it justifies itself.

I always wished for a friend, mother, sister, son, father, or wife like you. But Im telling you, when I needed you the most, He did let me know you. For me, that was more than a lot. Thank you for what ever you did there. And thank you for being at love to access the wisdom to execute that leadership of the one who was lost, and then, was found. Truly an INFJ at love is more than what someone people have called the INTJ of all INTJs. As we are, precisely as I had estimated before, the second race on that natural order of life. That is how it was created to be, and it is the reverse, and it shall become normal again, soon. Very soon. I love it here. Veggie was right, this is the very definition of home.

And even here, where ever I am, which feels like normality, He truly is ineffable.

------------------------------------

Enigma.

I finally got some good news for you, you pretty one. Very, very handsome man. Well mannered too. Even has the same dressing style as you . He will deliver you what you are after. And you shall commit only to him. And him to you. You shall be loved like never before and it shall compensate to a great extent for the previous sufference you had. Yes. Really that good, dear. 

-----------------------------------

Veggie.

Apologises for taking your time. Theres indeed so little left the both of us have compared to so many others. Everyone has a free will. And everyone shall be expected and then delivered by what was given to him in the first place. The seed of love is there and the soil still fertile. Let sun shine on it, let it be watered and keep the bugs out. It shall take less time than you can think. Let home come upon you and make it all meaningfull.

----------------------------------

To anyone. There are three stages of falling in love. 

The first is when you are mesmerized and everything is lovable and easy. Everything is a pleasure. But you never really merited it yet, it was a gift to help you prioritize accordingly. It wont last for long.

Then second phase sets in. That one is the dry one. Everything is hard and one hardly finds any pleasure in anything at all. Time runs slow and theres not much going on. And it seems to last forever. There seems to be literally no end to it. But this it necesarry stage for one to prove loyality. And its hard, its so hard it shall redefine to one what hard even means, repeatedly. But there will be lift ups of inspiration and miracles to support the child, just like any real parent will always support his child. And slowly slowly the child grows up. Gains strenght and determination. Gains reassurance that the path is right and way is to be cleared for him to be able to offer love. And then, there are larger and larger dips into the lower realm of the reality. And at one point our little adventurist will start to prioritise the meaningfull in the detriment of the passing, will start to prefer love over indifference and will start to prefer the beautiful over own will.

Then at one point, love will decide to forgive the adventurist for the all, anything and everything it seems. And then what is mine shall be yours. And what is yours shall be mine. And there will be no longer separation but unity. And that unity shall set you free. And then you leave to arrive. And infact you will be in both of them at the same time. As its all free to have. All you need is to want it more than anything else.

I used to say I wish for this or that. Now I say: 
Let it all be as was planned from before the beginning ever even took place. As all is, flowing precisely according to the original insight.


----------



## outskyed

The last first. The first last. How beautiful is that.


----------



## AnneM

@outskyed BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL!! Your most excellent writing fills me with gratitude! 



> Im grateful for you for pushing me into the process that led to this outcome. I was dreaming about that to happen in the way it did for a long time. Just never relised it could happen via virtual too. That was unexpected, but then again, it is truly all a genuine mystery. I was imagining it to come for your race, but I really just couldn pin point the right person till you came about from all possible directions at once all the time. It was a long wait for me. I was loosing hope and belief and love for so many time. I lost them all yesterday for the first time. And then at the last second, through you, he decided to then raise me.


I was always dreaming of this meeting as well. Always. 

I am beyond joyful for you. I am beyond proud of you. I am beyond, in the Beyond, with you. 

:heart:


----------



## outskyed

Get. Baptised. All. The. Sacraments. Have. It.


----------



## outskyed

The Truth is still with us. Till the end.


----------



## AnneM

outskyed said:


> Get. Baptised. All. The. Sacraments. Have. It.


I am baptized, confirmed, and married in the Church.


----------



## outskyed

That is what you need to do, so that belief will change in knowledge. So that you will be allowed to have access to the holy inside one within the reach of a simple prayer rope. 1054 changed it.


----------



## WickerDeer

*Thread closed until further notice because of a dupe situation.

Sorry to those who used it for its intended purpose.

*


----------



## WickerDeer

*Thread is re-opened for romantic confessions *:heart:


View attachment 827045


----------



## Wisteria

Another update on my bizarre love life - I started talking to this guy on a dating app who is being really forward and messaging me _a lot_. I thought he was attractive, intelligent and has a good ambition. However he's starting to feel weird, and he even said that people find him weird online. He is actually willing to travel here by train to "go out" and idk why. I'm not sure i can imagine myself with him, as he's from a different country and things. His sense of humour is also disturbing. He's even saying things like "if you're ever here" as in his apartment. It's making me uneasy..I guess I can only feel comfortable when a guy is distant, hardly messages and is emotionally unavailable af. I'm going to keep talking and see how it goes, haven't decided if it's worth meeting up yet.

Oh yeah and the guy who i had a fwb thing going on with ghosted me. That is the second time i've been ghosted by an immature guy. Which sucks.


----------



## bleghc

i'm just so, so confused. the guy i liked who had left start of sophomore year for boarding school came back a while ago. while we're not exactly on bad terms, i've been trying my hardest not to contact him because the better part of me knows that it would probably reignite unwanted feelings (from my side) and that our relationship, even on a strictly platonic level, would probably be mostly one-sided anyway. i've been doing an alright job with that but one of his friends from boarding school - rhett, randomly followed me on my instagram and requested to follow me on another (.. a "finsta" for lack of a better term). i didn't accept the latter of the two because we had never talked before and i tried hard not to think too much of it but here's the weird(ish) part. a mutual friend of me and the guy i liked texted me a bit after that (we hadn't talked since the end of the school year let alone texted since early of may) and it was a random picture of the guy i had liked from a few years ago attached w an inside joke. he brought up having talked to rhett and briefly mentioned the guy i had liked (who for long reasons short, i made unfollow me on all social media platforms as a result of my temporary attempt to cut him off). he brought that up to me a bit discreetly (i.e. "oh yeah does he even follow you anymore") but like ?? it just feels so out-of-place. i'm not sure if they were in contact since he came back or if i was brought up in a potential conversation between the two of them but i'm incredibly paranoid and _can't_ stop thinking about it.


----------



## Gossip Goat

The jealousy makes me feel sick. I am sick, mentally/emotionally. I used to think I had like, cause for concern, and maybe sometimes it's not so far fetched to feel the way I feel. But there's nothing except this horrible feeling in my heart and the lightheadedness. No reason now. I seriously could have never fathomed to have this type of insecurity _to this degree_. I feel like I've managed not to be a toxic horrible person to my boyfriend because of all this but I feel horrendous on the inside. I do not know how to control my emotions and I honestly feel like therapy might help but is ultimately beyond me. And if this relationship ever failed I should never get into another one because I truly cannot handle it.


----------



## pwowq

[wrong tab and thread]


----------



## Wisteria

I got ghosted by a guy again. I'm pissed off about it because he told me if he wasn't interested anymore he would tell me, but also said he honestly doubted he would not want to talk to me anymore. When I was freaking out about him doing the same thing as the last guy who hurt me a lot, he insisted "I would never stop talking to you".

Also can't help but feel like this was partly my fault, for expecting him to do this and getting upset whenever he would do something like bail on plans or make me feel confused about what he wants.

I hate that this happened to me again. I was scared it was too, and I told him that. It seems like every relationship I get into ends with my worst fears becoming true. 

And I hate that these guys act super interested (go on dates, talking to me regularly) then suddenly they're not and they dissapear. I know I'm probably getting used, but I honestly can't tell if someone is genuine or not.

I already have a hard time trusting people already so it's the worst when a guy breaks my trust completely. Life would be easier if guys were honest and didn't play games. If they want a one night stand or some shit, why won't they fucking say it?

I also had to reject this guy I was talking to because he said if I don't look attractive enough (like above average looks) he will have to lie and say he just wants to be friends.

They just suck so much. I'm done with dealing with people's BS tbh.


----------



## Suntide

I think it's possible that I might potentially develop a crush on this guy if we become closer friends first.


----------



## Denature

Bad Bunny said:


> It seems like every relationship I get into ends with my worst fears becoming true.
> 
> And I hate that these guys act super interested (go on dates, talking to me regularly) then suddenly they're not and they dissapear. I know I'm probably getting used, but I honestly can't tell if someone is genuine or not.
> 
> I already have a hard time trusting people already so it's the worst when a guy breaks my trust completely. Life would be easier if guys were honest and didn't play games. If they want a one night stand or some shit, why won't they fucking say it?
> 
> I also had to reject this guy I was talking to because he said if I don't look attractive enough (like above average looks) he will have to lie and say he just wants to be friends.
> 
> They just suck so much. I'm done with dealing with people's BS tbh.


Some say you get what you expect. A self-fulfilling prophesy?

Maybe they were interested, but then figured you were both incompatible and decided to end things. It's actually better this way because every time a guy leaves you this early, you know he's not the one for you. Imagine if you got into an actually LTR with one of these guys who isn't interested enough.

Because if men were honest, then you wouldn't give them a chance.


----------



## Wisteria

Denature said:


> Some say you get what you expect. A self-fulfilling prophesy?
> 
> Maybe they were interested, but then figured you were both incompatible and decided to end things. It's actually better this way because every time a guy leaves you this early, you know he's not the one for you. Imagine if you got into an actually LTR with one of these guys who isn't interested enough.
> 
> Because if men were honest, then you wouldn't give them a chance.


A self full filling prophecy is what I thought, but I didnt actually expect it the first time so maybe it's not. 

That isn't ending things though, it's just not communicating and possibly putting the situation on hold (first time this happened he contacted me again 2 months later). I don't think it's imcompatability, they just got what they wanted and got bored. That's true a LTR might have been worse. 

And not necessarily. There's a difference between being honest about what you want, and just being an asshole.


----------



## Denature

Bad Bunny said:


> A self full filling prophecy is what I thought, but I didnt actually expect it the first time so maybe it's not.
> 
> That isn't ending things though, it's just not communicating and possibly putting the situation on hold (first time this happened he contacted me again 2 months later). I don't think it's imcompatability, they just got what they wanted and got bored. That's true a LTR might have been worse.
> 
> And not necessarily. There's a difference between being honest about what you want, and just being an asshole.


Well, he doesn't have an incentive to treat you well if you don't stand up for yourself.

Men can't be honest because if they are, then they'd lose out on getting what they want from you. Men therefore have an incentive to lie.

When tradition was strong and men were required to properly court a woman with the goal of marriage, men couldn't get away with the behavior you're experiencing. He'd lose reputation, but because society no longer supports women or marriage in the traditional sense, it's a free for all. The only thing is, in the jungle, it's up to you to decide what's acceptable.

Sure, it would be nice if both men and women were nice, but this is just the result of deteriorating gender relations, lies about male and female nature, etc. What's worse is that people don't help each other become aware of this stuff because everyone is so overly emotional that you never know how someone is going to react when you try to help.


----------



## AnneM

@Denature Very well put.


----------



## bleghc

sometimes i wish it was easier for me to just leave things in the past. 

i sent him a message; i don't really know what i was hoping to get from texting him. i just missed him too much not to do anything about it. the prospect of drifting apart was a reality i had always acknowledged even before he left; i told him that myself. i can viscerally recall his response which was that out of all the people he'd be leaving behind, i was the one he was least worried about losing touch with. i think of all the reasons why this relationship hurts me the most, this is why. he was more than an unrequited love; he was one of my closest friends and recalling that interaction hurts me in ways i can't describe. it wasn't that he didn't reciprocate; it was that i had any expectations of permanency in the first place. in the moment, my feelings felt too.. "real" and grounded that it seemed ridiculous a relationship that lasted for two years coupled with a feeling as seemingly insurmountable as love could be stopped by distance - but it only took a few months for that reality to set in and here i am a year later, stuck in a cycle of rumination over what happened. i can't help but mull over the idea that there was something i could've done or been for him that would have helped in keeping things how they were.

i shouldn't have sent him that message. the lack of initiation from his part to talk to me was, on its own, the sign that told me everything there was to say about this relationship: it's _over_; moreover, it _was over_ a long time ago but i was too fixated on keeping things the way they were to have wanted to accept that. for the few months when i decided that maybe it was better we didn't talk, it hurt but at least i had that sense of finality - that _closure_. that i texted him only reinforces the painful reality i still haven't fully come to terms with which is that we've both grown apart and i'm just not as big a part of his life as i used to be. it's just that he was so and _still_ is _so_ ingrained in my being that it feels impossible for me to fully throw away the moments that defined not just our relationship at the time but the person i am now. i don't want to forget our hour-long conversations, stupid inside jokes, and overall time together; i would do it all over again even if it meant going through the heartbreak that i did. but i just _can't_ let it go.

i miss him so much.


----------



## BitterSweet Blonde

@blehBLEH I understand you so much, I'm feeling something very similar to what you're feeling, even though we didn't live the same thing. I hope things are gonna go better soon for you, I know how bad it feels to miss someone you can't be with, I wish dearly for your story to have a good ending, whatever may happen.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> If it was your "soulmate" would it have ended?


Yeah 

Not my choice though.

Lots of things end. 

You know when someone gets jealous of you being happy so they ruin your life? That's a way things can end! 

Sorry but some of us aren't allowed to be happy!


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Yeah
> 
> Not my choice though.
> 
> Lots of things end.
> 
> You know when someone gets jealous of you being happy so they ruin your life? That's a way things can end!
> 
> Sorry but some of us aren't allowed to be happy!


Dude you are so barking up the wrong tree here lol

The one you are supposed to be with~ it will not end and outside forces will have no affect on it.

Some like to live in unhappiness. It is their comfy blanket.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Dude you are so barking up the wrong tree here lol
> 
> The one you are supposed to be with~ it will not end and outside forces will have no affect on it.
> 
> Some like to live in unhappiness. It is their comfy blanket.


Soulmate isn't one you are supposed to be with. The one you're supposed to be with is more like... mate. 



Sol mate. You with the sun? No it's way up in the sky. Howl at the moon. Laugh like a coyote. The soul and its mate are never together. 

Nothing comfortable about misery. I would rather fight it but I'm exhausted from fighting. My body just gives up on me.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Soulmate isn't one you are supposed to be with. The one you're supposed to be with is more like... mate.
> 
> 
> 
> Sol mate. You with the sun? No it's way up in the sky. Howl at the moon. Laugh like a coyote. The soul and its mate are never together.
> 
> Nothing comfortable about misery. I would rather fight it but I'm exhausted from fighting. My body just gives up on me.


*calls the other side of my personality* @AnneM Handle this PLEASE

I offered food. *sighs*


----------



## AnneM

ENIGMA2019 said:


> *calls the other side of my personality* @AnneM Handle this PLEASE
> 
> I offered food. *sighs*


No thanks. I'm out. It seems I am not as capable of helping other people as I thought.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> *calls the other side of my personality* @AnneM Handle this PLEASE
> 
> I offered food. *sighs*


What about that whole "give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat for life" shit? I'm reluctant to take a free fish because the next one won't be. 

Anhwayyyyy

She's busy with a lot of other people.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> What about that whole "give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat for life" shit? I'm reluctant to take a free fish because the next one won't be.
> 
> Anhwayyyyy
> 
> She's busy with a lot of other people.


Blah








As well she should be....


----------



## AnneM

WritingLove said:


> What about that whole "give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat for life" shit? I'm reluctant to take a free fish because the next one won't be.
> 
> Anhwayyyyy
> 
> She's busy with a lot of other people.


Am I the "she" who is busy with other people? What exactly were you busy with when you straight-up ghosted me for 4 days? 

I'm evidently not very good at teaching men to fish, but you did get a lot of free fish. Should have given you _some_ kind of get-up-and-go. 

I really mean it when I say you really showed me that I was lying to myself about having conquered my 2 issues.


----------



## Purrfessor

Guess you guys haven't dealt with a person who had full control of your water and the only way to get clean water was to char- ehm convince them to give you some. 

You guys really have no idea what it means to have absolutely fucking nothing

I'm permanently fucking scarred and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Gotta give everything I fucking got for one small meal after another. I'm dying soon just from that. There's only so much of me I can give and they want more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more. 

Who cares if I'm 24, it's fucking over. My body is broken now. Doesn't look like it and I can will it to do things but it's broken. They broke it. They said I was built to last .. But how can that be true when I can't even move my own facial muscles like I'm turning into hawking. What does he have? Yeah it's like I'm developing THAT. What was he obsessed with? Black holes? Yeah what a total brainiac! Obsessing about the gravity of blackness as a big brained white male, what a fucking life. 

Where's my wheelchair? I'll need it.


----------



## Purrfessor

AnneM said:


> Am I the "she" who is busy with other people? What exactly were you busy with when you straight-up ghosted me for 4 days?
> 
> I'm evidently not very good at teaching men to fish, but you did get a lot of free fish. Should have given you _some_ kind of get-up-and-go.
> 
> I really mean it when I say you really showed me that I was lying to myself about having conquered my 2 issues.


Busy with blocking you because I finally listened. And had an epiphany about how you don't actually care. Oh and losing my sanity. I snapped.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Guess you guys haven't dealt with a person who had full control of your water and the only way to get clean water was to char- ehm convince them to give you some.
> 
> You guys really have no idea what it means to have absolutely fucking nothing
> 
> I'm permanently fucking scarred and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Gotta give everything I fucking got for one small meal after another. I'm dying soon just from that. There's only so much of me I can give and they want more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more.
> 
> Who cares if I'm 24, it's fucking over. My body is broken now. Doesn't look like it and I can will it to do things but it's broken. They broke it. They said I was built to last .. But how can that be true when I can't even move my own facial muscles like I'm turning into hawking. What does he have? Yeah it's like I'm developing THAT. What was he obsessed with? Black holes? Yeah what a total brainiac! Obsessing about the gravity of blackness as a big brained white male, what a fucking life.
> 
> Where's my wheelchair? I'll need it.


Dude, I did not bother reading all of this. Last I checked... I said PM me with a place nearby, number and what you want ordered.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Blah
> View attachment 828031
> 
> 
> As well she should be....


The bible is so full of contradictions huh? 

"As well she should be" 

I said that in a mocking tone. Yeah like you fucking know what's best for her.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Dude, I did not bother reading all of this. Last I checked... I said PM me with a place nearby, number and what you want ordered.


Yeah well I have fucking flashbacks of someone giving me things. I can't just ACCEPT things. There's the context of, yeah I'll buy you a drink *proceeds to beat the shit out of me that night and almost kill me* 

Just fucking keep it and don't beat me up. I'll go eat scraps.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> The bible is so full of contradictions huh?
> 
> "As well she should be"
> 
> I said that in a mocking tone. Yeah like you fucking know what's best for her.


Did you miss the memo? We are the same person....


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Yeah well I have fucking flashbacks of someone giving me things. I can't just ACCEPT things. There's the context of, yeah I'll buy you a drink *proceeds to beat the shit out of me that night and almost kill me*
> 
> Just fucking keep it and don't beat me up. I'll go eat scraps.


Not hungry enough just like to bitch about it? How do I have any ties to my offer?


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Not hungry enough just like to bitch about it? How do I have any ties to my offer?


I don't know. There's always ties. Nothing's free.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Did you miss the memo? We are the same person....


Oh the same person? Idk who you're fooling with that one lol that's a stretch.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> I don't know. There's always ties. Nothing's free.


If you are not a troll... I am offering with no return. Hence, why I said PM where, # and what you want. I will call it in as John Doe.

I have nothing to gain except you stfu about being hungry.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> If you are not a troll... I am offering with no return. Hence, why I said PM where, # and what you want. I will call it in as John Doe.


........john doe.... 

Wow you really know how to trigger me!


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Oh the same person? Idk who you're fooling with that one lol that's a stretch.


Is it? Both investing time in a pointless area.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> ........john doe....
> 
> Wow you really know how to trigger me!


Now, you cry about the name.... *sighs* Send the info and the # or never talk about being hungry again. Jesus!


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Is it? Both investing time in a pointless area.


Oh I have my points.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> Now, you cry about the name.... *sighs* Send the info and the # or never talk about being hungry again. Jesus!


Who are you? Are you him? His military buddy? Who told you about him?


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Who are you? Are you him? His military buddy? Who told you about him?


This is growing tiring...either admit you are full of shit, place an order or fuck off


----------



## Purrfessor

@AnneM 

Are You his sister?


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Oh I have my points.


Point one ~ you are a Debbie downer or legit have issues and want everyone else to pay for them?


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> @AnneM
> 
> Are You his sister?


Nice.... lol We will go with option one


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> This is growing tiring...either admit you are full of shit, place an order or fuck off


Come on now I'm helping you repair that broken Ni of yours. Think of it like exercise for the brain.

John doe - John is the name, doe = dough = money / bread 

His sister moved to Texas

Do the math. This is military op, I know it when I see it. You're trying to buy me off


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> Come on now I'm helping you repair that broken Ni of yours. Think of it like exercise for the brain.
> 
> John doe - John is the name, doe = dough = money / bread
> 
> His sister moved to Texas
> 
> Do the math. This is military op, I know it when I see it. You're trying to buy me off


My Ni is not broken. Your evasive I am a victim troll attempts are.


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> My Ni is not broken. Your evasive I am a victim troll attempts are.


K well in another post you said your Ni was being repaired. Guess you're changing it up to fit a new narrative? I'm the troll? 

Come on now, don't piss me off. I don't feel like throwing around more dumbbells right now. That'll just make me hungrier.


----------



## AnneM

WritingLove said:


> @AnneM
> 
> Are You his sister?


This makes me very sad. You, like, know my whole life story by this point! Stuff some of my closest friends don't know. Please. I never lied to you, about anything.


----------



## Purrfessor

AnneM said:


> This makes me very sad. You, like, know my whole life story by this point! Stuff some of my closest friends don't know. Please. I never lied to you, about anything.


Yeah it's called an ALIAS. It comes with
.. 
A whole life story and everything. Judging by how much you stalked me, you are working for them. As far as I'm concerned, even though i like you, his sister, as a person - I don't cooperate with the enemy. Even when it gets me killed. You're just going to have to live with my death. Just so happens my enemy is in my own yard. Pledging allegiance to this land beneath our feet is not pledging allegiance with me. 

You don't get to nearly kill me and then call me family.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

WritingLove said:


> K well in another post you said your Ni was being repaired. Guess you're changing it up to fit a new narrative? I'm the troll?
> 
> Come on now, don't piss me off. I don't feel like throwing around more dumbbells right now. That'll just make me hungrier.


Uh yeah.... I was playing around with AnneM. If that is changing "to fit a new narrative" like some people *points at you* I guess so.

I am so worried about you getting pissed off. I am sure you can tell.


----------



## Gossip Goat

I like it when my boyfriend pretends to be upset / angry. It's adorable. With turning his head away from me in an exaggerated manner and going "hmph". I like being really affectionate as a response and I know he likes that too.


----------



## Dr Whoresy

Gossip Goat said:


> I like it when my boyfriend pretends to be upset / angry. It's adorable. With turning his head away from me in an exaggerated manner and going "hmph". I like being really affectionate as a response and I know he likes that too.


I could definitely see how that could be cute 



ENIGMA2019 said:


> Blah
> View attachment 828031
> 
> 
> As well she should be....


Did someone offer water?

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


----------



## ENIGMA2019

DrEquine said:


> Did someone offer water?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


More like a pond.


----------



## Dr Whoresy

ENIGMA2019 said:


> More like a pond.


Where can I get this?

Also, I think I finally got some closure with the INFJ girl.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


----------



## Purrfessor

ENIGMA2019 said:


> More like a pond.


oh yeah someone totally was giving me a pond *rollseyes*

yeah fuckin right all people do is take from me even when I have nothing


----------



## Gossip Goat

My boyfriend asked me to video chat before I left for work, and when I turned on the camera he did a double take and said I looked really good. I thought I looked nice but his reaction felt genuine, and I'm happy he thought I looked nice too.


----------



## bleghc

i still feel regretful after having decided to contact him again but in a way, i think it was also a good (albeit, painful) reality check for me in that now, i know for sure i can't have in my life anymore even just as a friend (maybe in part because he doesn't see me that way.) i just hate not being able to rationalize why this relationship in particular is so difficult for me to let go. i've had more than my fair share of relationships that've gone south and it's always been a bit sad but not to the extent that i would call it _heart-wrenching_. it just really sucks being stuck in this transition point of, "i know that this is what's best but i don't want to let go." 

i've been feeling a bit better as of recent which is nice. it helps that i've had a ton of distractions (e.g. hanging out with friends and family, preparing for study abroad, writing a blog, etc.) but there hasn't been a single day that's gone by where i haven't thought about him. i hope he's doing okay.


----------



## Suntide

blehBLEH said:


> i think a part of the reason why i struggle so much with the process of getting over or moving on from others is because of how i internalize its implications. it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy for me, i think. i tell myself that there's no way i could possibly get over someone but every single time i tell myself that, i know it's most likely not true... but i guess that's what i'm scared about. *i'm scared of moving on. i view pain and the extent to which im feeling it as a testament to how deeply i've cared for someone that's no longer a part of my life.* when i no longer feel that pain, i feel scared because i don't like feeling like i _don't_ care, moreover about something or someone that i cared so deeply about.
> 
> *apathy almost feels likes a betrayal to the past versions of myself that cared.*


This is something I can actually relate to a lot as well, and I think it is a perfect way to describe one of my biggest fears I have always had since childhood, which before I had coined as simply 'fear of forgetting' but that never felt like a proper description. (Although I apply this fear to all sorts of relationships and not just romantic ones.)

There was a time I was convinced I couldn't bear to live my life without my best friend of the time in it. I literally could not imagine growing old without them, I thought I would actually _die_ if we couldn't be in each other's lives forever. Just the thought absolutely terrified me. I remember laying on the floor in both physical and emotional pain sobbing my heart out because I could physically feel us growing apart and it was killing me. That was a decade ago, and I haven't even talked to them since high school. But I'm still here, and although I don't feel close to them anymore, I feel as if a part of me will never move on. Not even because I miss them, but because that pain was engraved so deeply into me that to simply forget it seems like a slap in the face to the person I was 10 years ago crying on the floor.

(Semi-related tangent: On the topic of this 'fear of forgetting', I first realized that it was something I was so afraid of when my mom showed me pictures of her from her childhood. They were pictures of her playing with some other girls who she said were her best friends at the time. I asked her to tell me more about them, like who they were, and she said she didn't remember. That scared the shit out of me--thinking, "When I'm her age, am I going to forget all of the fond memories I've made with people too--and the people themselves?")

Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your post (I always feel like responding with my own personal experience is hijacking when it's meant to just be empathizing :/) so I hope at least any of that was semi interesting aha


----------



## bleghc

@Suntide hey ! first off, no apologies necessary haha! i'm guilty of the same thing and i definitely don't mind the attempt to empathize. i most definitely don't see it as hijacking.  

a lot of your post definitely resonated with me. while i like to think of myself as someone who's relatively open to new experiences, it pains me to understand that often and if not inevitably comes with the consequence of leaving the present behind. not sure how else to label it but i often find myself experiencing a present nostalgia of sorts a lot... like, i'll be incredibly happy in a given moment but that happiness is momentarily retracted with this almost bittersweet acknowledgement of the impermanence of it all. i'm happy with where i am now but i know that a lot of it isn't bound to last and for circumstances out of anyone's control. that's honestly one of the hardest things i've learned up until now, i think: just because someone's played a significant role in your life doesn't mean they're bound to stay forever. but that doesn't mean they were somehow less important. it's kind of just the way that life is and you have to learn how to move on. 

i also totally understand the bit about your best friend. i was incredibly close to someone a few years back and we were practically inseparable. i remember the day before he moved, we were talking and i can viscerally recall the moment he told me that there was no way we'd lose touch. i think he believed it at the time; i certainly did. there was certainly an underlying part of me that understood the improbability of that, though. i think after he told me that, i told him that no matter what would happen - even if we lost contact, that i wanted him to understand how much he meant and impacted my life in the given period that we knew each-other. i think back to that version of my self a year ago and feel a bit remorseful at the thought of how she'd feel had she known what would come to happen between the both of us. questioning, "how could you let that happen? do you not remember how much he meant to you? why didn't you try harder? how could you possibly be _okay_ with your life now when he's not a part of it? you're supposed to care." etc.

and definitely not a tangent. i have similar experiences with my mom. she particularly likes to reminisce a lot and i'm almost always left feeling a bit sad after my conversations with her. in that regard, i think you summed it up perfectly with the "fear of forgetting" bit. her life was so different back then and it's such a groundbreaking moment to realize that the same will more-or-less happen with me. it's an exciting feeling but always leaves me feeling a bit sentimental, knowing that i can never go back to the way that things might have been at one point in my life. 

thank you for sharing, i appreciated it. <3 it's always cathartic for me to vent in these confession threads (ha) and i revel (though, that might be a bit of a strong word)/most definitely appreciate knowing that i'm not the only one who's going through what i am.


----------



## Dr Whoresy

I was at a bar last night and bought a drink for an adorable girl. Turns out she was an ISTJ. We got along swimmingly. She was adorable...petite, dirty blonde hair at the roots, light blonde further down. Looked young but 22. Bought her a drink. Offered to let her take it directly from the bartender (some women are worried about guys lacing their drinks with something).

We talked for about 40 minutes, mostly by ourselves... mostly about her...I showed her my photography (she loved it and asked if I did it for a living...roud talked about her favorite plants (she is a botany major. Her favorite plant is the Magnolia Tree) until she tried taking her drunk friend home at closing time. It looked like her friend was crying but I asked the cute one if everything was okay, she said yes. They start walking and I see her friend start falling over and I ask her if she needs help. She said "Yes please." So I run over and start to help her. Her friend starts puking She had no idea where her friend was going to be dropped off and it took 40 minutes to figure out where she was going. Stayed with her the whole time. Probably went over the safety rules for a drunk person 10 times because I was nervous, and how if she goes unresponsive, you should just take her STRAIGHT to the hospital. I think I become a natural leader under stress, because the ISTJ was listening to me and wanted me to keep talking.

Before she left, I told her why I said she could she could get the drink straight from the bartender if she wanted, and how I didn't want to seem creepy. She told me that she could just tell I wasn't someone like that, and could tell I was "one of the good guys". Then she told me I have a good heart and that she wishes more people like me were out there. I basically wanted to cry but I don't cry in public lol. Then I asked for a hug because I felt really connected with her at that moment and it's been a while since I hugged someone that made me feel a connection in that way. We hugged and it was wonderful.

I told her that it's a shame she's leaving for school the next day and I'm moving to Russia next month for school because I'd love to take her out to breakfast. I got her number (before the whole crisis at the end) and texted her saying I hope they both got home safe. She answered back that they did and thanked me for sticking around and caring.

I'm sad I'll probably never get to see her again. I felt a really strong connection with her and I feel as though I don't often have that connection with people in person. I still vividly remember how she looks. It's whatever, haha. It happens. I think I just fall for people easily.


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## pwowq

I only want a physical connection with people. All the bonus 'romance' I can happily do for myself.
This is why I'm not that happy with being in a relationship. 
The partner wants "more" without saying it and I cannot give "more" of whatever-'romance'.


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## AnneM

pwowq said:


> I only want a physical connection with people. All the bonus 'romance' I can happily do for myself.
> This is why I'm not that happy with being in a relationship.
> The partner wants "more" without saying it and I cannot give "more" of whatever-'romance'.


:laughing:


----------



## bleghc

a mutual friend of both me and the guy that i like(d) texted me just a bit ago asking if it was possible to meet up with me. i said that i would love to but she followed up and mentioned how great it would be if the three of us (me, her, and aforementioned guy) could meet up just like "old times". naturally, i wanted to say yes but at this point, i know that i'm better than that and meeting up with him wouldn't be any good for me - no matter how hard i try to hide it under the guise of catching up with an old friend. he's always been more than that and i've fallen out and back in too many times to go through it all over again. not sure if i want to be honest with her about why so i'll probably bs my way through some excuse about being busy and meet up with her when he can't. lol. 

it's a bit hurtful to think they were still able to regularly talk to each-other even after he hadn't responded to me but i get it. i do. 

i think i might be at a point - emotionally, anyway, where i'm fully ready for things to die out between the both of us. (okay to be fair things were dead a while ago and he probably thought so too but my pathetic ass didnt let it stay that way so..) there's something about the way things are now that just makes it feel so.. final. i dont know. and if not god forbid that im going to let my future self become hung up over a guy from like a billion fucking years ago lol im so over feeling this way. i’m moving on and i'll be happier without him, the way that he has been for a while now. and i won't be sad thinking about it.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Sigh. I have feelings for a friend of mine which I have known for a while, and vice versa. I know that if I hadn't started dating my boyfriend, I probably would have gone out with him. But my boyfriend is proving to be amazing so far and leaving him at this point in time is not even worth thinking twice about. I know that I have no need to do that yet. Besides, even if I WERE to leave him, I know I wouldn't jump into a relationship again...I would probably just try to see if that friend wanted to fool around sometimes and that's not worth leaving anyone for. 

The problem is that I just want to stay friends with this other guy and I've told him that, yet, a part of me gets the feeling he doesn't understand that. When we talk, there definitely is a lot of chemistry which I honestly do enjoy but I'm aware it can't go any further than that. And I don't think he realizes the limitations like I do. I don't want to end the friendship, I'm not even at a point of considering that yet. I just hope it doesn't get more weird.


----------



## DudeGuy

hufflepunk said:


> But my boyfriend is proving to be amazing so far and leaving him at this point in time is not even worth thinking twice about.


Was it the guy with anxiety about going limp during sex, does this mean he's putting out now?


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

DudeGuy said:


> Was it the guy with anxiety about going limp during sex, does this mean he's putting out now?


Yeah. Lmfao


----------



## DudeGuy

hufflepunk said:


> Yeah. Lmfao


Okiedok, I think you're in a good spot then! roud:


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Update, my friend asked to hang out alone tomorrow after work. I told him straight up that I didn't think it was such a good idea for us to be alone together, and blatantly admitted it was because I didn't trust myself. Afterwards he let it go because I mean, what can you really say to that. He wasn't even upset. 

Then later I told my boyfriend all of it. He said he was grateful that I was at least trying to be straight up with him. 

I feel like I'm at least handling this the best way I can at the moment.


----------



## Firelily

he plays my heart like a lady plays her harp, and leads me on a merry dance of sweet words and false promises. 
for hours at night, night after night he whispers to me how wonderful he thinks i am, and how much he deeply cares for me, but want make me his. 
in public he avoids me and pretends i am not there, he whispers things to different girls, calling them exotic fruits and other precious things. 
and yet my heart still longs for him, i dont know why or how to make it stop, if i did then i would and stop the silly game and dance a dance with someone knew.


----------



## bleghc

(starts at 13:21 but 17:28, 19:04, 19:50, and 20:20 were the parts that stood out to me the most.)

started watching this video bc i thought the title was funny (in a sad but #haha #relatable kind of way) but i've reached the end of it and now i'm kind of reflecting. kind of crying. haaa.

i don't know. there's a lot of feelings going on right now. 

i was having a conversation with my mom yesterday and i'm not sure how we ended up to talking about this but i asked her if she had any regrets in life. if she had any "what-ifs". in return, she asked me the same thing and as a joke i was like, "haha, i'm not sure if i have as many 'what-if' moments as i do 'oh, _fuck_, why did i do that?' moments" and like... it's not really hitting me until now but i think i summed up the entirety of my romantic experiences in that singular comment. 

i'm a bit of a hedonist when it comes to love, i think. in the video, the girl talks a bit about having finally come to terms/internalizing the quote, "we accept the love we think we deserve." (from the movie _the perks of being a wallflower_.) and i think, more so after her digression, i'm coming to a better understanding of how deeply that quote applies to me. all too often, i find myself entering situations that i know in hindsight aren't any good for me. whether it's in guys that aren't emotionally available or give me attention (but don't quite have the traits that i'm looking for in a romantic partner), etc... i sort of let the feeling of infatuation fester because it's nice to feel like someone could actually like me. i ignore all compatibility-related issues and kind of wrap myself up in this false security blanket of attention and call it love. i call surface-level flirting "intimacy" even when my gut knows it's anything but. it's just this endless, self-destructive cycle of enabling that i can't quite seem to get out of. she says it in the video: "it's not that these situations happen to me, it's that i _allow_ them to happen." it would be so much easier to _just_ end it before it could start especially when i know that an ending is inevitable but i _can't_ bring myself to do it. i wade in the water, crave the feeling of how it washes up against my skin, swim miles beyond what i _know_ i'm mentally capable of handling, and cry about drowning as a result of not being able to find shore as if i didn't expect to [drown] from the very beginning. 

i'm all for openness and vulnerability but not when it's like this. not when i'm so fucking _lonely_ that i find myself giving all of myself up to any guy who shows me the slightest bit of attention. in the moment, it's so beautiful and lovely and enchanting and i feel so in love... from the butterflies or the slivers of hope between the most fleeting of moments convincing myself _to_ myself that maybe i've finally found the one. it's wonderful. but it's _not_ real. it's not love. what you're feeling is _not_ love. it's loneliness. you _are_ lonely.


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## bleghc

i hear all too often that love is not a feeling; it's a choice.

and i think about that a lot. i'm especially thinking about it now in the context of compromising. in my head, i know the kind of person that i might maybe want to end up with. but i have this fear that maybe i'll find someone who kind of fits that image but not enough for me to really be happy, you know? and there's a part of me that thinks that i shouldn't expect too much out of people but at what point does it become settling? i don't want to settle. but i also don't want to end up alone. i can't rid myself of the feeling that i'll end up alone because i can never seem to be satisfied with anyone. and by the time that i am, i'm afraid that they won't want to be with me. i'm also afraid that this is just another self-fulfilling prophecy that i feed into. that because i feel so unlovable, i somehow externalize that feeling into my actions as a way to prove to myself that i'm somehow unworthy or incapable of love. because god forbid i end up with someone and i either resent myself for letting them end up with me and not anyone else. it's only a matter of time before someone gets fed up with your shit, you know ? "to know more is to love less." 

and in thinking about compromising, this is another quote that i also think about a lot: 
_
"you know, sometimes i feel like our marriage is like a magic eye poster. it's messy. and at first glance, it doesn't seem to make any sense. and it's hard to figure out. but sometimes, if you squint at it just right, everything lines up and it's the most perfect, beautiful, amazing thing. 

but i'm so tired of squinting." 
_
i'm just so terrified that this is what every relationship will be like for me. that maybe on the off-chance i find someone i like and don't find a way to self-sabotage and fuck it all up, i'll still somehow find myself unsatisfied and wanting more. love is so scary sometimes and i've almost just convinced myself that the mental toll of the highs and lows of it all might not be worth the experience.


----------



## bleghc

as for the guy i've been posting about - 

i've been doing a lot of thinking. (thankfully less of the feeling.) and the thought isn't really painful so much as it is a perpetual inquisition but i always think about what would've been of us by now if i hadn't told him how i felt. before he was a romantic interest, he was my closest friend and it just... _sucks_ because he used to be the first in my life i'd tell almost everything to and he's _still_ that person i want to tell everything to. there's so much that's happened in my life since he left and he doesn't know about any of it and i wish that he did but he doesn't care. he doesn't care that i was reminded of him when i saw the trinket of that orange teddy bear while i was out gift-shopping. his name is teddy and orange was his favorite color. he doesn't care about what used to be my dumb, daily long-winded rants or anecdotes about something dumb that i did. he doesn't care that i turned on the radio the other day and of _all_ the songs that could have played, it was the one he said reminded him of me two years ago. he doesn't care about how excited i am for italy and how simultaneously sad i am about leaving and he doesn't care that i'm leaving because _what_ does it matter? why should it? 

fuck, lol. i don't think i love him anymore. but i haven't moved on either. there's still a very real part of me that's attached to him and i'm not sure if it'll ever go away. do i even want that right now? i don't know. i looked at his instagram the other day. still 0 posts (he archived everything the year before he left) but he updated his profile picture. he looks a bit different now. longer face, shorter hair. a bit pinker. he looks happier, though. and i should be happy that he's happy. but i'm not. not out of ill will towards him but sadness, i think, that there are people out there who make him happy and will make him even happier in ways that i never could. and i get that shouldn't be a reflection of me more than it is the way that we were together but i just mattered to him, so much you know? and he mattered to me... so, _so_ much. he still does. and he'll continue to. i don't want him not to.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Bad Bunny said:


> Has anyone ever noticed how your partner is similar to one of your parents? And better yet, that you also have something in common with one of their parents? It's a very weird thing that I'm kinda noticing, maybe just a coincidence..


In my case? Not at all. He's really nothing like my parents and that's pretty convenient, because I seem to get along with them much better when we live in different places and it's really easy to share space with him after years.


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## Cherry

Bad Bunny said:


> Yeah so would I but I meant small things like their quirks or behaviors , not their personality as a whole.


I have a feeling it's more common than we realise, and that most people would like to admit -- I don't think they're even consciously aware of it...


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## Gossip Goat

me: *cuts self while cooking*

boyfriend:


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## pwowq

Gossip Goat said:


> me: *cuts self while cooking*
> 
> boyfriend:


Is that good?

GF: *gets food poisoned*
Me: Where does it hurt? 
GF: Here *draws a circle on her tummy*.
Me: I'll get you a bucket, some water, but do check your temp just in case. I'm here. Let me know if it gets worse.
I brought the stuff and went back to sleep.


----------



## Gossip Goat

pwowq said:


> Is that good?
> 
> GF: *gets food poisoned*
> Me: Where does it hurt?
> GF: Here *draws a circle on her tummy*.
> Me: I'll get you a bucket, some water, but do check your temp just in case. I'm here. Let me know if it gets worse.
> I brought the stuff and went back to sleep.


Yeah, it was cute n_n.


----------



## Queen of Cups

Bad Bunny said:


> I hated barney and this scene smh


My red headed self saw that and thought











Not you, but that image. 
Poor redheaded Tiffany the Hairdresser. She could be the most zen person on the planet but she gets a bad rap.


----------



## Hypaspist

I think I get a tiny bit suspicious of anyone who would want to get close to me (relationship). And by a tiny bit, I mean very. And by very, I mean "ok, why the hell do you actually want a relationship with me?". This is not ideal. So very, very not ideal for someone who's looking for a relationship.


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## HigherFrequencyYou

I love my Aaron so much!!! :heart::heart::heart:

:kitteh:

*fans self*


----------



## KSYHM

I turned my first opportunity ever of having a girlfriend down. 
It was back when I was a teen. Sixteen, I think. My family and I often went skiing with friends of them who had a house next to a station. They also had kids, a daughter who was one year younger than me and a son who was around ten. I knew her since she was like two, and she was like a little sister for me. A really pretty little sister. After a day on the skis, we had to go to bed. This house had stairs who went up in a large room under the roof, where they had put mattresses on the whole floor, because the height of that room wasn’t high. And we simply slept on those. So the night came and she was laying next to me, like every year. However, this year, something different happened. Something entirely new for me. She crawled nearer. At this point, my heart started to beat faster. I mean, I never was this close to a girl before. It became worse when I felt something caressing my arm. In my head, thousands of scenarios started to flash before my eyes. But I tried to convince myself that I was just imagining things. I rarely felt my heart beat this fast. I turned my head to hear, faking of being asleep. I just tried to open a few millimeters my right eye, trying to glimpse between my eyelids and analyze what was happening. I thought my heart was about to explode when she put her head on my cushion. In an instant, my eyes opened wide and I saw her staring at me, with some kind of smile on her lips. I immediately closed my eyes again trying to ignore what just happened. But my brain got wild. Like a overheat alarm in a nuclear plant, with all the reds light, the people running around panicking and this whooOOOOooooooOOOOOOoooo sound going on. At this point, the chief executive of my brain probably had a panic attack and died, because I started to put my head nearer to hers. And after a few movements from both of us, our lips touched, and I lost it. For the first time of my entire life, I kissed a girl. For the first time in my life, I felt the weight of a girl. How it feels to be grabbed by the back of the head, how it feels to be desired. And for the first time I said it. My biggest regret, something that haunted me for the years to come.

I love you.

I wished to never have told it. And she replied with I love you. Suddenly, my chief executer must have come back to life, because I was filled with fear. Worse, terror. See, back then I was really scared of what people think of me. I stopped kissing her and told her we should sleep to be fit for the next day. But I didn’t sleep. I was petrified of what I just had done, and the consequences that will come with it. I didn’t love her. What I told her was probably a lie, made because for the first time, I felt the lips of a girl against mine. But I didn’t love her. I wanted a girlfriend. And there was a part of me who wanted to believe that I loved her. I started imagining going out with her. But I imagined everything that could go bad. How her parents would react the first time we would have sex to what people would think when I would break up with her. The next morning, I asked her to say nothing to our parents yet. We had still a day to pass together. I told her I wanted to tell it my parents first. That I didn’t want my parents learning it from hers. I said I wanted to be proud to announce it myself. That was a lie. I had to tell her I didn’t want us to be together. But I didn’t want to face our parents being mad at me. I know it was selfish. Later I told her I had to think more about us, and it would be better if for both of us that she doesn’t talk to her parents. And finally, just before I went in the car, I told her that we shouldn’t be together. I turned, climbed in the car, and we drove off. During the ride, I wrote to her why I didn’t want to be with her. On snapchat, hoping she wouldn’t save it. 

That was the story of one of my biggest regret. She was a wonderful girl. Fortunately, she forgave me, and we are still friends. 

Holy shit I just realized how much I wrote.:skeleton:


----------



## Gossip Goat

I had a dream my boyfriend and I broke up. Rather, he broke up with me. I've had a dream like that before and woke up in a terrible mood. In the dream I was pretty distraught. When I woke up from that in the middle of the night I told my boyfriend about it and asked if he could lay down next to me. When I woke up to go to work and was getting ready he went to use the bathroom and told me that that dream was really stupid. After work I meet him at the Post Office and he is more PDA than usual. Then at home he tells me I'm being very affectionate, which I don't think I was (anymore than usual) and that he was enjoying it, but I think he was still thinking about the dream.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

If someone I was dating got and stayed fat, I probably wouldn't stay with them no matter how much I loved them. It's been suggested to me that this makes me a shitty person, despite the fact that I'm not saying no one ELSE would be attracted to them lol. Mind you I don't believe unconditional love is possible UNLESS it comes from family, so. 

Their personality might not change and I would still be attracted to them in that sense. But they likely wouldn't last as long in bed anymore, they wouldn't be as fun on outdoor adventures, they'd have way more health problems, yadda yadda. And truthfully at the end of the day, I care a lot about my happiness. If I can no longer have fun with a person, I don't see why I should stay with them. 

If I got and stayed fat, I would expect the same. I'd just try to find someone who didn't care if I was fat and/or who was just like me.


----------



## Dr Whoresy

Polterguise said:


> If someone I was dating got and stayed fat, I probably wouldn't stay with them no matter how much I loved them. It's been suggested to me that this makes me a shitty person, despite the fact that I'm not saying no one ELSE would be attracted to them lol. Mind you I don't believe unconditional love is possible UNLESS it comes from family, so.
> 
> Their personality might not change and I would still be attracted to them in that sense. But they likely wouldn't last as long in bed anymore, they wouldn't be as fun on outdoor adventures, they'd have way more health problems, yadda yadda. And truthfully at the end of the day, I care a lot about my happiness. If I can no longer have fun with a person, I don't see why I should stay with them.
> 
> If I got and stayed fat, I would expect the same. I'd just try to find someone who didn't care if I was fat and/or who was just like me.


I agree. I'm simply not attracted to fat people, and I don't think anything could make me stay if they didn't even seem to care.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


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## Mostly Harmless

I'm a possessive asshole. It makes me happy that my boyfriend is so well liked and respected by his friends but GOD, I hate sharing his attention with other people. I feel like I'll be forgotten and discarded like an old toy and fade out of existence the minute I have to share. I get angry and resentful and start to stew, I'm tempted to throw tantrums and break up, I'm convinced that I'll be alone and unloved forever because that's all I'm worth. 

The worst thing is it's really hard to talk about any of this and reach some kind of solution because I KNOW I'm the one at fault ... but that doesn't make the feelings of jealousy and deprivation any less painful.


----------



## bubblePOP

So unfortunately for me, I have always craved male attention (and female once I realized I'm bisexual). It stemmed from being bullied my entire childhood up until I reached 19 and lost a lot of weight and suddenly became "attractive." So when my heart gets broken (either by a relationship or being turned down), I seek out as much attention as I can get, to make myself feel better about being turned down/broken up with, and also giving my self-esteem a boost. Sadly, it has led me to leading on a few people, who rightfully have gotten angry with me because of it.


----------



## HigherFrequencyYou

God he's beautiful. Somebody turn down the fire :love-struck:

No wait don't


----------



## Convex

Mostly Harmless said:


> I'm a possessive asshole. It makes me happy that my boyfriend is so well liked and respected by his friends but GOD, I hate sharing his attention with other people. I feel like I'll be forgotten and discarded like an old toy and fade out of existence the minute I have to share. I get angry and resentful and start to stew, I'm tempted to throw tantrums and break up, I'm convinced that I'll be alone and unloved forever because that's all I'm worth.
> 
> The worst thing is it's really hard to talk about any of this and reach some kind of solution because I KNOW I'm the one at fault ... but that doesn't make the feelings of jealousy and deprivation any less painful.


i don't think possessiveness is a bad thing


----------



## AnneM

Convex said:


> i don't think possessiveness is a bad thing


Nor demonic possession.


----------



## Meliodas

Apparently this is a common Leonine trait, but I am a real stickler for praise, worship and devotion. I expect my works to be lauded and my ego to be soothed, love to lie around taking up space and be waited on, and will roar wrathfully at the sign of any disrespect. That being said I also have a good heart, and will do everything I can to raise up and beautify the lives of those people who are enthusiastic and give me what I want. You could probably manipulate me into doing anything if you are cute, call me Master and make me believe that your evil plan was my idea all along.


----------



## Asity

You're so beautiful that it's ridiculous (in the best sense possible); actually lost my breath a bit there. :love-struck:


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

He stayed at my place for a few hours after we got off work to cuddle a bit, since we hadn't been able to hang the weekend prior. We hadn't cuddled yet without sex being involved. He did kiss on the nape of my neck a little, which was super hot for the fact that we stopped there. 

I fell asleep almost instantly, as did he, laying in his arms. And I woke up that way. 

It had been a long time..maybe 5 years since I'd gotten to cuddle with someone whom I actually had feelings for. I think that's what I missed the most during the time I was single. So when friends ask me how I can be content not caring about anniversaries or not caring whether or not there's a future..I mean I'm honestly just grateful for moments like these when I get them. I can't control the past or the future. The present is what the past and the future are composed of, anyway. 

It'll suck whenever it ends but at least I'll know what I had.


----------



## Mostly Harmless

Maybe I don't communicate well in relationships. But if I am struggling and ask for support and don't get it, I'm not going to feel like trying again. As far as I'm concerned, the other party has already made their disregard obvious. It's humiliating to have to beg for attention.


----------



## Queen of Cups




----------



## angelfish

Oof, confession, think I argued too hard in a thread... as a passionate NF sometimes it is easy to lose myself in a theoretical debate, which is why I don't usually debate much anymore - for the risk of becoming the proverbial Macbeth, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. I have this happen sometimes in argument with my partner too. I start talking in universals and impressions, and him being the firm, strong S that he is, asks me what in the world tea in China has to do with our relationship. Well, nothing, but also everything, you see, because all is connected... Anyway, sometimes I think I'm being productive/helpful, but I'm probably not.

Confession #2... one of my similar-age family members has gotten separated from her partner (fairly recent marriage, no more than 2 years ago) and it's been strange. I completely understand the couple being extremely quiet about it - of course they want privacy during something emotionally painful like that - but it's tricky to navigate around during gatherings. I just don't say anything really or ask about her personal hobbies. But I'd be lying if I said I don't want to understand what happened, and I do wonder how common it is for new couples to have very serious fights and/or splits, because ISFJ and I certainly have shared our differences. There is still so much pressure to be "perfect". I think the world would be a bit better if we all felt more welcome to loosen our masks...


----------



## WickerDeer

I'm not sure if this is much of a romantic confession, but

I think my car found it's soul-mate, or at least it's weird doppelganger. 

Another car, parked in the same parking lot, only a few spaces away, had the same cheap-ass seat covers on (not just one, like my car has, because I make no sense, but) both front seats!

Sleazy ass seat covers with animal print. lol. Mine is turned side ways though b/c I can't be bothered to fix it. (tbh I tried it out because it was so cheap, but I wasn't a fan and never bought another, and the thing has just been getting twisted around and never fixed, ever since.)

And get this--the other car had a bunch of trash in the back too, just like my Oscar-the-Grouch-Mobile. I was like...'you have empty potato chip package in your back seat (kettle chips)...I have empty potato chip package in my front seat...' It's like the cars were destined to be together...or uncomfortably similar (in that most cars are a lot more decent).

But the other car was even smaller than mine. Some kind of tiny Mazda (the tiniest for sure).

I fumbled around and procrastinated in hopes of seeing the owner of my car's 'soul mate,' and he finally shuffled along the sidewalk--a middle aged man with a neckbeard and a blue plaid shirt. He looked kind of like a younger Slavoj Zizek, and I wondered, briefly, if this was my true love.

Like me he had only bought beverages from the store--I bought vodka-seltzer-water drinks and some weird, obscure 'sleep drink' at the discount store.

He bought some kind of soda--a cola probably, and who even knows--looked like something with caffeine in it.

I thought about getting out of my car, in the dark parking lot, and telling him that we had matching cars...but I decided against it, and I pulled away before he even turned on his engine.

But who knows what could have happened if we or our cars were to be married...all I know is that it was an uncanny experience, and it's honestly probably a lot better that we keep as much distance as possible since any car-babies we would have would be super full of trash and have extra messed up pimpish seat covers, and no one needs to buy that many psychotropic beverages at that time of night.


----------



## major breakdown

is it even romantic when you want to hug and hold hands with the other person but at the same time low-key want them to adopt you?lol 
whatever it is i have never felt it before and i also don't think i have ever put this much effort into building a connection/relation with someone. there are people who are important to me, who receive my full attention and complete devotion in maintaining our relation, though with most of them i can't connect on a special level. 
I have never met someone as interesting and thought provoking as him before and I really want this to work because I can see so many possibilities for us and am always inspired by his potential, our potential. With him I remembered how good it feels to finally have a genuine connection with someone again and be able to talk about life for hours on end. Before it had been as if i was driving on a road with a speed limit. And now I realised I can just turn left and take the highway instead without any limits.


----------



## Gossip Goat

Aw, my boyfriend said I was his best friend. What an angel.


----------



## 66767

I think I've fallen in love. It took me well almost a year to fully even realize it. But now he's all the way in another continent for the next year and a half. And who knows where he may go afterward.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I found some rainbow heart stickers at the dollar store, so I couldn't resist sending him another letter. I phrased it as a thank you note for our weekend excursion out of the state. The nice thing about being long distance is that I can send him letters. 

The check that he is going to use on a... particular purchase... is currently in the mail. The round sort of purchase that is size 5 and a quarter. I feel strange. It's like I'm looking warily around every corner, expecting it to jump out and attack. I know what the answer will be, but that's the _only_ thing I know. I have no idea after that.


----------



## Lucan1010

I'm (most likely) asking someone out today, hopefully all goes well. First time I've asked someone out in almost a year.


----------



## Lucan1010

Oof, she didn't show up to the committee we're both a part of today :sad:. Maybe next time


----------



## Mostly Harmless

I'm scared.


----------



## Electra

HEEEEELP!!!!
I'm stuck in a fantasy, get me out :sad:


----------



## bleghc

feeling bored might fuck around and fall in love ! 

except i cant bc ive already shot my shot w two ppl and the first one - who i had asked out for coffee, ended up being gay (also unironically wrote winx-club smut on wattpad - but also not like that should even really be taken into account as a factor when he's _gay_) and the second - once i checked out his insta - turned out to be significantly (not rly tho i'm just hyperbolic and also kinda picky in this regard) younger than me. might just download tinder and get w the first guy i match with within a 1mile vicinity bc honestly i'm kinda at that point right now


----------



## BitterSweet Blonde

That moment when you really like one of your friends and maybe even _love him_ (at this point I don't know), and you know he likes you _physically_ (at a point where you 2 have no problem at being physically intimate, if you know what I mean) and _mentally_ but considers that you emotionally let him *indifferent* because he doesn't know you enough and "you're too private and it's annoying" but "he doesn't know what will happen in the future". 
Do I feel like Bobo the Clown? I do. But do I want to give up? Of course no because I'm goddamn obstinate. Am I aware that this mysterious attraction to ExTPs causes me problems? I am, but I'm still Bobo the Clown. Duh.
You know that movie, Friends with Benefits? Well, that's kind of my life right now, but without the beautiful ending.


----------



## Pippi

Electra said:


> HEEEEELP!!!!
> I'm stuck in a fantasy, get me out :sad:


I bet the person you have a crush on secretly enjoys farting. Every time he/she farts, they secretly think, "Yeah. This is what made my day. This is what life's all about. Sitting and watching the sunset with my girlfriend Electra, and... *p-t-t-h-h-h*... yeah, this is Heaven. Ahhhh..."


----------



## AnneM

@Pippi Please don't _ever_ take another break from PerC.


----------



## Pippi

AnneM said:


> @Pippi Please don't _ever_ take another break from PerC.


Oh shit, she's making romantic confessions to me. :facepalm:


----------



## AnneM

Pippi said:


> Oh shit, she's making romantic confessions to me. :facepalm:


*"What wind from yonder window breaks..."*


----------



## Pippi

AnneM said:


> *"What wind from yonder window breaks..."*


----------



## AnneM

@Pippi :sad:


----------



## blood roots

I honestly don't know if I truly loved you or if I just loved the idea of you.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

He verbally demeaned me today, and I told him that if he did it again, I was leaving him. But truthfully I'm expecting it. 

It's funny because just earlier today I was thinking about all the people telling me I'm too good for him. I didn't think so, and figured they were just talking looks-wise. But I wonder if they simply saw this coming. 

Either way, honestly I don't see this going anywhere. I knew from the beginning I was just with him to see what it was like to care for someone other than myself for a time. I still "love" him, but love honestly doesn't mean much to me. Objectively, it probably never will.


----------



## lokasenna

I sell love and friendship poems on Fiverr. It shocks me that people are willing to pay for them rather than just writing one themselves, but not my problem. It's always fun to get an order from someone who needs me to help them beg for forgiveness, and I'm not being sarcastic. People are weird, relationships are weird, but at least I'm making a bit of money because of that.


----------



## Gossip Goat

hmmmmmmmm tmi even for me


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Last post on the matter until there's some significant change. 

I feel like shit. I don't care much if we reconcile or not. But it's the waiting I can't stand. When I told him we were gonna have to break up if he said something like that again, he went distant on me lol. I feel like I'm on standby since it feels wrong to dump someone over a first offense. I'm trying to practice being patient with people other than myself. 

Probably gonna be people curious why I'm with him if I care so little. But he knows that I take these things with a grain of salt; it didn't hurt any more to be with him than being alone does. Just feel like if we're gonna have to break up, let's talk about it ASAP so it doesn't end in a complete shitshow.


----------



## Cherry

Pippi said:


> I'm in love with you, and I've never heard of you except you thanking exactly one of my posts.
> 
> It's just something about you.


You're in love with me because of that time I told ya off for writing some shit thing in my poll. Treat em' mean, keep em' keen they say

h:


----------



## SilentScream

Frankly My Dear said:


> I ignored him.


If he told you he loved you after 1 date, I'm sure he's saying that to others as well - even IF it's genuine :laughing:


----------



## Cherry

SilentScream said:


> If he told you he loved you after 1 date, I'm sure he's saying that to others as well - even IF it's genuine :laughing:


what makes you think so


----------



## SilentScream

Frankly My Dear said:


> what makes you think so


Some people fall in love easily, or think they're in love when certain specific feelings are invoked .. it stands to reason that multiple people can invoke similar feelings in such a person for whom it's that easy :shrug:


----------



## Veggie

I had a sex dream about someone last night and then saw that they'd texted so hopefully it was prophetic.


----------



## Pippi

Frankly My Dear said:


> You're in love with me because of that time I told ya off for writing some shit thing in my poll. Treat em' mean, keep em' keen they say
> 
> h:


Oh, you're that one that's hypersensitive about handbags.


----------



## Cherry

SilentScream said:


> Some people fall in love easily, or think they're in love when certain specific feelings are invoked .. it stands to reason that multiple people can invoke similar feelings in such a person for whom it's that easy :shrug:


He said he had not felt that in many many years but yeah, it's just a bit off isn't it...
Then again the human mind/heart is complex isn't it.


----------



## angelfish

g_w said:


> <SNIP>
> 
> 1) The most poetic thing in the world is not being sick -- G.K. Chesterton
> 2) sometimes marriage isn't 50 / 50 ; sometimes it's 120 / -20. ("In sickness and in health" wasn't put in the vows just to look pretty like a sprig of parsley...)


I have to read the book you quoted now. Intriguing! As for sickness, it seems like a high-contrast filter in some ways. It brings out both the best and the worst. Some of the absolute worst times but also some of the most heartening moments, the most meaningful sacrifices, the most sincere and generous gestures of love. 

There are a lot of different kinds of poetry in the world... I think sickness largely falls thoroughly into the intense drama of romantic poetry. I'm rather keen to get back to its antithesis, though, perhaps a nice cheeky limerick.

To your second point, ain't that the truth. I always ate the parsley, anyway...


----------



## g_w

angelfish said:


> I have to read the book you quoted now. Intriguing! As for sickness, it seems like a high-contrast filter in some ways. It brings out both the best and the worst. Some of the absolute worst times but also some of the most heartening moments, the most meaningful sacrifices, the most sincere and generous gestures of love.
> 
> There are a lot of different kinds of poetry in the world... I think sickness largely falls thoroughly into the intense drama of romantic poetry. I'm rather keen to get back to its antithesis, though, perhaps a nice cheeky limerick.
> 
> To your second point, ain't that the truth. I always ate the parsley, anyway...


The book is _The Man Who Was Thursday_. You might be able to find it for free on gutenberg.org...


----------



## pwowq

It's interesting learning what kind of effect I have on the GF by listening into song lyrics she likes.

It's fascinating learning what kind of stories/personas she finds alluring in novels (she's a librarian, reads more novels in a year than I've read in my entire life).


I realize I have so much power over her it can't be healthy. Emotionally and sexually.


----------



## Firelily

i still give up
i mean why bother


----------



## FeliciteM

Ah the sweet romantic life. Just kidding, I think I may become one of those stupid ESFP stereotypes and not settle down. I'm sick of trying to find 'the one'.


----------



## Gossip Goat

A cop/security guard saw me kiss my boyfriend and said he must have done something right for me to have done that. Idk man.


----------



## mimesis

Gossip Goat said:


> A cop/security guard saw me kiss my boyfriend and said he must have done something right for me to have done that. Idk man.


Haha, sounds like you are a great kisser.

And btw congrats with your new job!


----------



## Gossip Goat

mimesis said:


> Haha, sounds like you are a great kisser.
> 
> And btw congrats with your new job!


It was just a peck on the cheek n_n

Thank you! So far, it's been great.


----------



## mimesis

Gossip Goat said:


> It was just a peck on the cheek n_n
> 
> Thank you! So far, it's been great.


More power to you, it means you look either pretty, or happy, or both. 

I'm happy to hear so!


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

He's decided to learn Portuguese with me, and he called me up just to say that he eats bread and drinks water. I found it so sweet!


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

If stoner thoughts are anything like spirit quests, mine just revealed some shit. Like, the thought that I don't actually want a guy -- I just want the confidence having one inspires in me so I can become something. What I want is confidence. 

Lady Gaga (yeah, gotta quote her) once said that she feels like whenever she has sex, she feels like she loses some of her creativity. I think she was spot on.


----------



## Queen of Cups




----------



## Cherry

This is more of a 'romantic vent' than a confession;
Does anyone these days still want to meet *one* person with whom to grow old with?
I'm not arguing there is just 'one' person for everyone, but that someone _wants_ just one partner to work at things with, to do life with, to be their partner in crime...
Everyone I meet seems to want to bring up the 'polyamory' debate and even if my mind could entertain the reasoning, my heart doesn't want a part of it.


----------



## NipNip

Electra said:


> h: lol that just depends who it is to me!
> If mr right asked me I' marry him on the spot, or else meeeh.


But have you ever seen (a) mr right?


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I think Valentine's Day is my new favorite holiday. I'm in a very romantic state of mind, and the holiday is a great excuse to dish out some extra gifts and compliments.


----------



## Electra

NipNip said:


> But have you ever seen (a) mr right?


Yes but they dissapeared allmost right away offcourse.


----------



## Electra

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> I think Valentine's Day is my new favorite holiday. I'm in a very romantic state of mind, and the holiday is a great excuse to dish out some extra gifts and compliments.


:frustrating: When is it gonna end!!


----------



## Crowbo

Electra said:


> :frustrating: When is it gonna end!!


Lmao, same. :laughing: Valentines Day is pretty much just like every other day for me.


----------



## Electra

Crowbo said:


> Lmao, same. :laughing: Valentines Day is pretty much just like every other day for me.


Yeah, I'm like "ooh, it was halloween yesterday??" :distant::confused3:inkface::eagerness:
:rolling:


----------



## BitterSweet Blonde

Right now my state of mind is that I hate Valentine's day. Though I probably wouldn't if I hadn't been ignored by the guy I like. >.< Maybe it's not too late to find someone else.


----------



## Queen of Cups

Crowbo said:


> Lmao, same. :laughing: Valentines Day is pretty much just like every other day for me.


I'm all about Feb 15th.
Discount chocolate day.


----------



## Electra

WitchyWoman said:


> I'm all about Feb 15th.
> Discount chocolate day.


Whaitaminute.
There is a chocklate day?
Why was I never told??
When will it reach europe???
:kirby:


----------



## dohmenick

They have better chocolate in Europe , everyday is chocolate day


----------



## Phil

Valentine's, everybody's favorite massacre remembrance day~


----------



## Pippi

I don't particularly care about Valentine's Day, but springtime is sexy.

Maybe not if you have allergies. *sympathy*


----------



## Electra

Ahem, my valentine poem:
I sneeze and wine around valentine. :frustrating::dry:
Another day to shop and pay...
As if there's not enough


----------



## angelfish

dohmenick said:


> do you have a terrible fear of HIV?


Not specifically, but I tend to be medically anxious in general because I have a genetic condition that predisposes me to be particularly susceptible to infection, and to take a long time to recover if I am ill or injured. I think it was mostly that I hadn't been sexual with anyone before, and I didn't realize how rough and unpleasant it could be. I think that freaked me out, and HIV transmission was the most tangible "real" concern to channel that anxiety into, even though I figured it probably wasn't very likely at all.

The lesson I learned that night was don't try to have sexy times before an emotional connection, because you will be repulsed by the stranger and it will suck.


----------



## horseloverfat

BitterSweet Blonde said:


> Right now my state of mind is that I hate Valentine's day. Though I probably wouldn't if I hadn't been ignored by the guy I like. >.< Maybe it's not too late to find someone else.


kinda the same right now


----------



## Pippi

Electra said:


> Ahem, my valentine poem:
> I sneeze and wine around valentine. :frustrating::dry:
> Another day to shop and pay...
> As if there's not enough


Electra's gonna buy me
Expensive Valentine's jewelry
Yippee!

The paychecks of a full two years
I'm gonna wear upon my ears,
My dears.

Oh, shit! I think
I lost an earring down the sink!
Oh, crap!
I hope it's stuck in the trap.

Call the plumber!
If my diamond's gone forever,
Oh, what a bummer!
If I can't get my diamond back, then I shall leave you, dear Electra.


----------



## dohmenick

angelfish said:


> Not specifically, but I tend to be medically anxious in general because I have a genetic condition that predisposes me to be particularly susceptible to infection, and to take a long time to recover if I am ill or injured. I think it was mostly that I hadn't been sexual with anyone before, and I didn't realize how rough and unpleasant it could be. I think that freaked me out, and HIV transmission was the most tangible "real" concern to channel that anxiety into, even though I figured it probably wasn't very likely at all.
> 
> The lesson I learned that night was don't try to have sexy times before an emotional connection, because you will be repulsed by the stranger and it will suck.


really cool, i just saw it from another angle. you, at the time, because it was all fresh, using that as a fear/shield. sorta speak


----------



## Electra

Pippi said:


> Electra's gonna buy me
> Expensive Valentine's jewelry
> Yippee!
> 
> The paychecks of a full two years
> I'm gonna wear upon my ears,
> My dears.
> 
> Oh, shit! I think
> I lost an earring down the sink!
> Oh, crap!
> I hope it's stuck in the trap.
> 
> Call the plumber!
> If my diamond's gone forever,
> Oh, what a bummer!
> If I can't get my diamond back, then I shall leave you, dear Electra.


Oh dear! I have been left for a diamond I didn't really buy. :thinking:
Oh well. It's tough, but life goes on again! :kitteh: Any single hunks out there? roud:


----------



## Phil

Electra said:


> :kitteh: Any single hunks out there? roud:


If you're going to talk about me the least you can do is tag me :tongue:


----------



## Electra

Phil said:


> If you're going to talk about me the least you can do is tag me :tongue:


:smug:


----------



## Cherry

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> Well actually I wrote it about a specific person I already know _of_, but they were *from a different space-time.*


*scratches head* what does this mean?


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

Frankly My Dear said:


> *scratches head* what does this mean?


I didn't want to publicly declare that well.. they're dead. Well... I did just now...oh well who cares lol.


----------



## Cherry

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I didn't want to publicly declare that well.. they're dead. Well... I did just now...oh well who cares lol.


oh, that's sad, it's such a lovely letter 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

Fennel said:


> Depending on which anime, (please don't say Attack on Titan) I'm game. Not that I mean anything romantic by it.
> 
> I still think I need a woman though.


What an... oh wait I was going to say Digimon but it would be lame to watch if you didn't watch it as a kid.


----------



## Fennel

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> What an... oh wait I was going to say Digimon but it would be lame to watch if you didn't watch it as a kid.


Hey, I'm still a kid deep down. That might just be what I need.


----------



## dohmenick

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I didn't want to publicly declare that well.. they're dead. Well... I did just now...oh well who cares lol.


:heart:


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

Fennel said:


> Hey, I'm still a kid deep down. That might just be what I need.


Then I suggest if you do watch it, watch it in Sub. ^^ it's on gogoanime or kissanime. There's Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure 02, Digimon Tamers, Digimon Frontier and Digimon Savers. 

There's also Digimon Xross Wars but that was more mecha than the other ones.... and there's also Appmon/Applimon.

None of the seasons are related to each other except for the first two. And Digimon Adventure Tri.

The new Digimon movie is coming out tomorrow which I want to see.

Also Naruto and Naruto Shippuden are good. There's some bloody stuff but it's not over the top like in horror anime. Naruto is more action/adventure. If you do want to watch, Sub is better and skip all the filler episodes. It's a bit slow at first but it gets better... I watch Naruto on a legal streaming service but you could find it also on gogoanime or kissanime.


----------



## NipNip

I went on a date with a <20-year-old.

That means born in the 00's... °_°

Extremely mature, though. Bright, cultured, extraverted, marveling, perceptive.

And of course Woody did so in Manhattan...


But fuck-
she hasn't even _started _University.


----------



## Lucan1010

I haven't dated anyone in a little over a year. I'm currently living at college, so considering I'd like to be in a relationship I really don't have much excuse for not doing so. I really need to just meet some new people, I suppose.


----------



## bleghc

feeling mildly regretful.  so pre getting sent back home from my study program in italy because of the coronavirus there was a guy i had been talking to on tinder for around a week or so. he seemed sweet/genuine enough but i had some reservations, one being that he was 4 years older than me (22) and the other being that he was incredibly straightforward and seemed to want to take things in a direction that i wasn't super comfortable with (i.e. asking if i wanted to go to his house for coffee on a first date). we eventually scheduled to meet at a coffee shop in the centre of town which i was actually looking forward to but that ended up being scheduled on the same day as my flight. i let him know and he seemed super apologetic about the whole thing but again, no big deal. after i left he followed me on instagram and it turned out we actually had a bunch of mutuals, some of which were really good friends of mine. i brought him up to them and they all affirmed that he was a really nice guy; it's not that i would've expected for much to happen other than a date or two or even just a quick hook-up but kinda feeling like i missed out on a really fun experience there - and it also really helped knowing that he was "legit" (in that i had people who i trusted who were, at the very least, acquaintances with him). 

oh well


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I'm getting annoyed, which really sucks. Because I told him I loved him just the other day and he said it back, and now I'm getting annoyed by stuff I don't think he'll respond kindly to if I bring it up. Yet I fully feel I meant it when I expressed my feelings. 

For one:

-He didn't take kindly to me telling him I was annoyed that he barely left me any of the beers I paid for. I was more than happy to share. But because it's his house, he started going on how I was messing up this "communal fridge" system, and saying he didn't like my tone (I was being as calm as I possibly could.) It seemed so hard for him to simply understand where I was coming from but I let it go once I told him he should just buy all the beers from now on if he wanted to drink them all. 

-He has massive OCD and criticizes every move I make. I don't need a second mother. Especially not one who's a dude.

-All he ever wants to do is stay in the house and play video games or watch TV. Now we HAVE to do that because of this fucking virus. He says, "This is what I usually do." Ok and? We don't need to sit around ALL the time. That's not healthy for anyone. We were friends a while before dating so I get why there wasn't really a courting type of period. Still, there's so much we can do and you just wanna sit and be complacent all the time. 

I feel I'm being taken for granted, honestly. I'm far from perfect but I'm always open to being politely told how I can change.


----------



## Fennel

I love him. I love her.

And I miss them both so badly.


----------



## whispers_the_wind

I may have a bit of a crush on a couple. It's odd how at ease I felt around them when it was our first meeting and I've been looking forward to seeing them every time since. This does not happen to me often 🤔

Kinda just want to curl up on a couch and watch a movie with them tbh.


----------



## WarmMachines

I low key want to believe in love and then I can't. 
It's not like I do not have great role models: my parents are ideal, for example, and I'm grateful...but I can't help but think theirs is a happy anomaly.
I think I'm not good enough, and I cannot be really honest with anyone because if I am, they'll no longer love me. Oh, only if they knew me, they'd not come near me!
How can I think of a happy marriage, when I know I cannot make anyone truly like me, when I cannot even make my friends like me, when I am still so insecure and cannot bring myself to accept me.
It's such a cliche problem it hurts, but it is bothering me now, and I dread the years to come when my family will start pestering me to marry. Will I find a decent person, ever?


----------



## Arthrospira

I’ve never fallen in love. I’ve dated and felt infatuation but never love and it’s always been extremely easy for me to get over break-ups. I wonder if people call liking someone “love” or I’m just dead inside.


----------



## angelfish

WarmMachines said:


> How can I think of a happy marriage, when I know I cannot make anyone truly like me, when I cannot even make my friends like me, when I am still so insecure and cannot bring myself to accept me.
> It's such a cliche problem it hurts, but it is bothering me now, and I dread the years to come when my family will start pestering me to marry. Will I find a decent person, ever?


Of course you can't make anyone like you. They just will, and that will be that. It's a funny thing, and it may seem unbelievable, but of the 7+ billion people in the world, a handful of them will just like you _because they do_, because something about you is appealing to them, even if it that same thing about you is unappealing to you. What you have to work on is being ready and alert to when a person like that comes around!



Arthrospira said:


> I’ve never fallen in love. I’ve dated and felt infatuation but never love and it’s always been extremely easy for me to get over break-ups. I wonder if people call liking someone “love” or I’m just dead inside.


Personally it took me a long time to feel love like that. I secretly wondered for a long time if I could ever love another person as much as I love my nuclear family. I can! It just took a lot of years and a lot of shared experiences before I felt that way. Especially based on personal experience, I do think people call liking someone (and that flood of infatuation-feelings) "love". But maybe they also just are fast to get to the point of feeling that poignancy and significance. Maybe for others of us it takes longer.


----------



## SysterMatic

WarmMachines said:


> I low key want to believe in love and then I can't.
> It's not like I do not have great role models: my parents are ideal, for example, and I'm grateful...but I can't help but think theirs is a happy anomaly.
> I think I'm not good enough, and I cannot be really honest with anyone because if I am, they'll no longer love me. Oh, only if they knew me, they'd not come near me!
> How can I think of a happy marriage, when I know I cannot make anyone truly like me, when I cannot even make my friends like me, when I am still so insecure and cannot bring myself to accept me.
> It's such a cliche problem it hurts, but it is bothering me now, and I dread the years to come when my family will start pestering me to marry. Will I find a decent person, ever?


This but with a little bit more of self esteem I guess lol. I think many times the problem if you're a good person is you set a standard for your partner. And if they suck and are not willing enough to be as great as you are they will just leave. Because it's hard to be good enough. Otherwise if you suck people will stay because you can suck togheter. Oh the irony

Long story short: you shouldn't worry about not being good enough. Irl everyone is not good enough. Everyone sucks, it's life. We're humans so it's fine


----------



## WhereverIMayRoam




----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

He likes to send me this poem by Robert Desnos when we are apart, originally in French. 



> I have dreamed of you so much that you are no longer real.
> Is there still time for me to reach your breathing body, to kiss your mouth and make your dear voice come alive again?
> 
> I have dreamed of you so much that my arms, grown used to being crossed on my chest as I hugged your shadow, would perhaps not bend to the shape of your body.
> For faced with the real form of what has haunted me and governed me for so many days and years, I would surely become a shadow.
> 
> O scales of feeling.
> 
> I have dreamed of you so much that surely there is no more time for me to wake up.
> I sleep on my feet prey to all the forms of life and love, and you, the only one who counts for me today,
> I can no more touch your face and lips than touch the lips and face of some passerby.
> 
> I have dreamed of you so much, have walked so much, talked so much, slept so much with your phantom,
> that perhaps the only thing left for me is to become a phantom among phantoms,
> a shadow a hundred times more shadow than the shadow that moves
> and goes on moving, brightly, over the sundial of your life.


----------



## Vesh

I've been wondering for a time if there's a possibility what I've been looking for all along is right next to me.

Before we went to sleep, we laid back and our hands reached towards each others' and curled up together for a moment. It was so instinctive and spontaneous, and I found myself holding my breath, feeling fragile and scared in a way I haven't been in so long. I wondered what she was thinking of and what would happen if I looked at her. Instead I pulled away, and nothing was said.

It had absolutely never seriously occurred to me that anything could go on between us before. She was in a relationship when I first met her, and the energy between us has largely settled into a comfortable platonic vibe by now, but it was such an odd moment. I find myself rethinking of it here and there, mulling it over. I almost want to ask her out, but I think shyness, or embarrassment, is going to hold me back. Maybe if I get drunk first.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

I'm also ashamed that when I was in my 20's I fell in love with at least 2 16/17 year olds, and there was others that maybe I wasn't _quite_ in love with. The thing is that I was working at a grocery store with lots of teens, and the _only_ females that would ever pay any attention to me were 16-18 year olds. Women my age were always out of reach. I never got involved with any of those girls though, but I was at least waiting for some of them to turn 18. But nothing ever came of it. I'm now 42 and in a loving ldr with a 62 year old. When I was like 30 I also was in love with a 50 year old once that I never got to be with. Obviously I've never been too discriminatory about age.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Cthulhu And Coffee said:


> I really like this guy. I know partly because I'm starting to feel inadequate compared to him, and it's starting to worry me. Due to the fact that he has much more life experience than me. I'm starting to get those fears that he'll realize I'm not so great, despite the fact that he seems very infatuated with me right now.
> 
> I've been nothing but honest about the darker aspects of me (and there's a lot.) I've even told him this before and nothing has put him off so far. So why do I feel like this even still?


I have that problem with my gf sometimes. I share everything with her, and she continues loving me. But sometimes its just hard for me to believe that a woman would actually love me just the way I am.


----------



## Wisteria

Communication is hot. I like my man to communicate with confidence like it's a breeze. Charisma and sense of humour along with good communication. Being inhibited and secretive is a turn off for me.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

Ock said:


> I have that problem with my gf sometimes. I share everything with her, and she continues loving me. But sometimes its just hard for me to believe that a woman would actually love me just the way I am.


I noticed we're the same type and tritype (but completely different wings) and even instinctual variant. I wonder if that has anything to do with it xD


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Cthulhu And Coffee said:


> I noticed we're the same type and tritype (but completely different wings) and even instinctual variant. I wonder if that has anything to do with it xD


Yeah, even the same Myers-Briggs type!


----------



## Wisteria

I wish I wasn't attracted to men


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

I'm glad I'm attracted to women, and not men.


----------



## Cthulhu And Coffee

I found a guy whom treats me with so much respect, whom acts as if he already wants a future with me, whom I have incredible sexual chemistry with, and so much more. And I don't feel like I'm delusional. I know he isn't perfect and I have no expectations that he will be, because I'm far from perfect myself. But what I do know is that he's a huge fucking sweetheart at his core. And I'm already so comfortable in his presence.

I'm very happy so far. The only thing is that I'm really afraid of hurting him -- of either getting too comfortable in my happiness and messing things up subconsciously, or of not being able to give him as much back, because the fact is that I'm still very much a child at heart. Sometimes I forget to share or I get so caught up in how I want to live my own life that I don't consider someone else's feelings. And I just want him to be happy too.

He says he is very happy, currently. So for now I'm just telling myself I need to keep up with what I've been doing and work on any problems I notice as I see them. All I know is that I'm incredibly thankful for what I have right now from this sweet, sexy, smart, and beautiful person.


----------



## leftover crack

oh my god ok so I saw this dude in a beat up honda driving past in moderate traffic and he was just the perfect teenage heartthrob fantasy he wore black and had a full beard. He had this boyish rebellious quality to him and I was smitten with that image of him. Of course, I had some time to dwell on that thought and unsurprisingly my mind took it way too far with that existential BS. Fortunately I'm not quite there yet so I don't foresee my 6th or 7th existential crisis happening any time soon.


----------



## Dianarich

I have never got someone from outside my country to love. Am so looking forward to that kind of love


----------



## Wisteria




----------



## SAGARD

Its weird. How when we are younger sex is greater in value than the relationship itself. That changing slowly over time. And how nowadays relationship is interesting when younger and then sex increases in value as we grow older.

Just sorta upside down is that not.


----------



## Gossip Goat

Wisteria said:


> I wish I wasn't attracted to men


Fucking same, I'm kind of jaded now.

--

vent


* *






I was a bit boy-crazy when I was a teenager and in college, and now I just acknowledge men to make sure they're not some deviant that wants the 2 cepacol lozenges I carry around in my pockets.

My male coworkers asked if I wasn't in a relationship, if there was anyone that frequented our workplace that I'd be interested in and I honestly said that after this relationship I'm 100% never dating ever again because my boyfriend ruined men for me. And they thought that was fucked up. That there are good guys out there. But sex doesn't interest me, in fact, it repulses me. Romance has no allure in practice. The warm body at night is surely a plus, but I am genetically incompatible with being in relationships. I've only ever liked the chase but it's not worth falling into the absolute horror that's been a relationship. There are circumstantial and contextual reasons that are only pertinent to my current relationship that adds to the horror, but I am also innately incompatible with being in relationships. Too insecure and too jealous, why put myself in environments and situations that exacerbate the crazy?

Why I don't _just_ leave already is something I don't have an answer to. A bit of it is protection from other people, other men, strength in numbers. I haven't been harassed like I used.


----------



## Bellerixx

Ldr sucks


----------



## Wisteria

I actually wonder how many people really experience love? How do relationships feel for people? Is their partner a ray of sunshine who lights up the room and boosts their self confidence or is it something else? I don't think a partner can change your happiness, that it's actually down to you. But some people say otherwise, that their partner makes them really happy and feel on top of the world.


----------



## Gossip Goat

wrong thread


----------



## Wisteria

Gossip Goat said:


> Fucking same, I'm kind of jaded now.
> 
> --
> 
> vent
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I was a bit boy-crazy when I was a teenager and in college, and now I just acknowledge men to make sure they're not some deviant that wants the 2 cepacol lozenges I carry around in my pockets.
> 
> My male coworkers asked if I wasn't in a relationship, if there was anyone that frequented our workplace that I'd be interested in and I honestly said that after this relationship I'm 100% never dating ever again because my boyfriend ruined men for me. And they thought that was fucked up. That there are good guys out there. But sex doesn't interest me, in fact, it repulses me. Romance has no allure in practice. The warm body at night is surely a plus, but I am genetically incompatible with being in relationships. I've only ever liked the chase but it's not worth falling into the absolute horror that's been a relationship. There are circumstantial and contextual reasons that are only pertinent to my current relationship that adds to the horror, but I am also innately incompatible with being in relationships. Too insecure and too jealous, why put myself in environments and situations that exacerbate the crazy?
> 
> Why I don't _just_ leave already is something I don't have an answer to. A bit of it is protection from other people, other men, strength in numbers. I haven't been harassed like I used.



Honestly the boyfriend you were with sounded terrible and not suited for a relationship. And you've possibly gaslit yourself into thinking your jealousy was crazy when i think it's totally understandable to feel like that considering what he did. 
If you're asexual there's men who are also  And also a lot of men won't do what your ex did.


----------



## ImpossibleHunt

When anyone (who I don't know) tries to talk to me, my initial reaction is to find the quickest way to escape the conversation.
It's not because I inherently dislike people, but most of the time, It feels like maintaining a conversation takes up more energy than its worth.

I don't feel entitled to people's time when I don't feel the need to offer them anything in return. 
But sometimes I wish I was wired differently.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Still...…...I miss her. Oh well. Life goes on.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Bellerixx said:


> Ldr sucks


I kinda learned my lesson. I don't think I'll ever have another ldr.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

I'm not big on anime and don't try to get me into it either. It seriously isn't for everyone, although Studio Ghibli is good.


----------



## NipNip

Broken people are much more lovable


----------



## thepurplegirl

I confess i don't feel like that about someone since a very long time and when i remember him i cry for no reason, like when i cry if i see a beautiful sunset. I confess i may not do anything about it either and just let him be himself. I will be here if he feels the same way about me too.


----------



## APBReloaded

Everyone is broken to some degree, the ones who can't admit it are the most broken of all.


----------



## Bellerixx

* *




Sometimes I wish people never find out my struggles. I'm tired of spotlight. I tend to disappear from it since June and they all missed me now. If I start over making that account on there I know that soon they'll follow me but meh. My school friends know and I hate if my parents know. reach 10k+ Followers when starting again sounds possible. But I just need to focusing on myself and school right now. Soon probably start again.


----------



## Wisteria

APBReloaded said:


> Everyone is broken to some degree, the ones who can't admit it are the most broken of all.


One of the most true statements ive seen on this forum


----------



## Wisteria

I miss my love at night when he goes to his new job. It's nice to have nights to myself for the first time in a while, but it's too quiet in here and I get this feeling of emptiness.


----------



## NipNip

Sounds super childish, but I actually really feel like this about someone (or maybe several hypothetical people):


----------



## Veggie

Met a stuntman at the airport a couple days ago. We started talking at the (only open) bar beforehand, and realized we were on the same flight. Boarded together, I tell him it was nice meeting him as he takes his seat and he asks to continue the convo after we land. He's standing there waiting for me when I leave the terminal. He says he'll drive me home so that I don't have to take an Uber (turns out he's only like 10 min up the road), I tell him I'll buy him a beer as a thanks at the bar across the street from the house. We're both talking to the bartender there and tell him the story of how we'd just met a few hours before in a different state. "Aw, so this is kinda y'all's second date then?" lol. I guess maybe so, and the first (and second apparently) that I've been on since covid lockdowns. 

Now is an extremely bad time to be dating for me (gotta move within the month), but I hope that we can at least stay in touch as friends. I ask him what he does exactly for a living - "I set myself on fire a lot."  I need that energy in my life rn lol. Apparently he's also living in a house full of fellow stuntmen, some of whom do it for the Marvel movies and shows. Knowing that a house full of Marvel stuntmen exists just makes this world seem like a better place to me lol.


----------



## Veggie

Dude formally called me for a formal date tomorrow, earlier tonight. Still a terrible time, but couldn't say no. And IS there ever really a terrible time for a little romantic injection? lol.


----------



## Wisteria

I hate it but i keep worrying that im not attractive to my partner. My mind sometimes tortures me with thoughts. I will notice he likes a certain thing in women, and if i dont have that or look like that i instantly feel invalidated. Why not talk to him about it? Because i have already, and i dont want to bring it up and sound like a crazy person. I also get scared that the physical attraction will go away, and scared that when i don't look young anymore, im basically useless and unappealing. My brain keeps thinking what if im not actually attractive, or not their type. It takes work to get rid of negative thoughts. It's hard to ignore them. I keep thinking im not good enough, i keep thinking im not worth it and there's hundreds of women out there better than me.


----------



## Bower1991

APBReloaded said:


> Everyone is broken to some degree, the ones who can't admit it are the most broken of all.


Indeed. It's like addiction, you don't want to admit you're an addict even though you're totally screwed.


----------



## bananadumpling

I was abused in a couple of ways by my ex, I don't know why but I still love him. It's really weird. I've been told I'm just conditioned and I'm going to therapy still, some days I miss who he used to be. He tried contacting me a couple of times and even though I want him back in my life I know this isn't okay.

I really thought and I wanted him to be the one, but too many things got in our way. I even started acting out and I started behaving very childishly in the middle of our relationship. s: I don't hate him, sometimes I really wish I could forget about him. I hope he's doing well and I really wish that we could've worked well together.

I never understood how someone could still love a person who has hurt you countless of times, but now I know how it feels. > . <

✿​


----------



## melancholicbastard

Was a hopeless romantic ‘til I knew being real and simple tasted better.


----------



## APBReloaded

Life is a drug. It's what you're feeding into and devoting your time to that determines who you are. It helps to have a strong worldview too, and not live in a bubble or echo chamber.


----------



## ivegotthemunchies

I'm dating several guys and when I don't really date I feel so fucking bored. I like one dude but he's not so serious so I'm dating several guys to get out of my boredom. It works.


----------



## Wisteria

bananadumpling said:


> I was abused in a couple of ways by my ex, I don't know why but I still love him. It's really weird. I've been told I'm just conditioned and I'm going to therapy still, some days I miss who he used to be. He tried contacting me a couple of times and even though I want him back in my life I know this isn't okay.
> 
> I really thought and I wanted him to be the one, but too many things got in our way. I even started acting out and I started behaving very childishly in the middle of our relationship. s: I don't hate him, sometimes I really wish I could forget about him. I hope he's doing well and I really wish that we could've worked well together.
> 
> I never understood how someone could still love a person who has hurt you countless of times, but now I know how it feels. > . <
> 
> ✿​



In the early part of the relationship he was only showing his good side, what came later was his true colours. This is how all relationships go. There's no going back to who they used to be because that is not their complete self.


----------



## TalaSum

To spend time romantically with a sequel. This requires skills that can be acquired using various platforms like VibraGame, where you can find the right approach to your partner, and satisfy all questions. This way you can relax and accept yourself.


----------



## Phil

TalaSum said:


> To spend time romantically with a sequel. This requires skills that can be acquired using various platforms like VibraGame, where you can find the right approach to your partner, and satisfy all questions. This way you can relax and accept yourself.


Hello and welcome to the forum!


----------



## Spacecabinet

I'm here to assert dominance and say I'm aromantic suckers


----------



## Gabbie

I'm in love with someone that doesn't know my existence. It's not just a temporary feeling, it's a *strong thing*... and I hate myself for letting that happen. Why don't I approach the person tho? It's quite impossible lol because I don't have enough courage to do that and literally everyone I liked never liked me back. So, I'd rather suffer than to take a step.


I know it's a dumb choice, but maybe I'll be able to forget him one day.


----------



## eeo

Gabbie said:


> maybe I'll be able to forget him one day.


I know I've never forgotten anybody I've cared for. It does reduce down to a sort of warm and soft glimmer of a feeling, but it's always present.


----------



## Gabbie

eeo said:


> I know I've never forgotten anybody I've cared for. It does reduce down to a sort of warm and soft glimmer of a feeling, but it's always present.


So he will haunt me forever then.


----------



## Wisteria

Gabbie said:


> So he will haunt me forever then.


No, it won't. You can forget about any person of romantic interest eventually. Someone who used to give you butterflies could give you no feeling a couple of years later.


----------



## HAL

My romantic confession is that I had my heart broken so badly a few years ago that I don't know if I'll ever be able to love properly ever again. 

The only glimmer of hope I have is in that I might just be older and therefore less emotionally cavalier overall. So it wasn't the heartbreak that ruined my 'sense' of love, and therefore it may well come back at some point, for the right person.


----------



## impulsenine

@HAL Ok, I see that you are an INTP. I suggest you to use logic in this situation. Think at this: Not doing something in the future just because you did it one time and it made you suffer?
That's what is life about, not? Suffering and getting over it. 

The pleasure of "making it again" after a deeply suffering is...divine.
Have the trust that you can do it. Don't undertrust your ability to love or trust a person just because in the past someone helped you in getting your heart broken. It is just stupid. 

I think you are capable of this.


----------



## dulcinea

bananadumpling said:


> I was abused in a couple of ways by my ex, I don't know why but I still love him. It's really weird. I've been told I'm just conditioned and I'm going to therapy still, some days I miss who he used to be. He tried contacting me a couple of times and even though I want him back in my life I know this isn't okay.
> 
> I really thought and I wanted him to be the one, but too many things got in our way. I even started acting out and I started behaving very childishly in the middle of our relationship. s: I don't hate him, sometimes I really wish I could forget about him. I hope he's doing well and I really wish that we could've worked well together.
> 
> I never understood how someone could still love a person who has hurt you countless of times, but now I know how it feels. > . <
> 
> ✿​


Abusive people can be very charming, typically because they lack empathy and remorse. If a person is shameless, they can exude a lie about themselves without feeling any shame for deceiving others. It's a horrible thing. My older brother was abusive to me, and most people find him very charming (idk how though considering he says the same glib things repeatedly). If you've been gaslighted, it's possible that he made you feel like you deserved the abuse. 
These are pretty normal things to experience after being abused by someone.
Abusive people generally put you in a position that makes you want to please them, because they're generally very narcissistic people. 
Is there any way you can block your ex until you're at a point where you don't feel anything any more?


----------



## KatieLadyMoon

*When I am interested in someone, I immediately plan my future in my head with them. Even if we just met. 

*When I have developed a relationship with someone, like starting around the first year, I tend to use the same words and “isms” that they do. 

*I tend to see the types of people I fall in love with —initially at least — as abstractions of traits I find attractive. I see their traits as wonderful parts of a beautiful sum. For example, for a time period of a few months I was really into ENTPs, specifically those exhibiting 7w8 characteristics so when I sought out men like that it would be fulfilling that desire of mine, and I could fall in love with that abstraction & very essence of themselves. Currently that obsession is with ENTJs, more so 8w7s and 3w4s. 

* My favorite part of dating is about the day after the initial spark. It reminds me of the very top of the rollercoaster, where it’s about to get really passionate and you know it.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

8w7's and 3w4's, huh? Interesting. Good for you, but definitely not my cup of tea with females.


----------



## impulsenine

When I was a child I always admired and I felt attracted to women aged 30-40. As the years go by, I haven't changed my tastes that much. And that's good, because I'm getting closer to that age and chances of a woman in her 30s to feel attraction for me gets higher.

Generally I can never look in a romantic way at someone who is not at least a year older than me and for that reason every time when...attraction happens I have to hear this: "you are an exception, generally I don't get romantic with someone younger than me".

I like to be an exception.


----------



## Crowbo

I don't buy the concept that there's someone for everyone. That idea seems way too good to be true.


----------



## eeo

There's someone for everyone seems like a perfectly reasonable way of looking at things. It's only a problem when you think that someone is going to be "The One" or "Soulmate" or anything even close to the ideal partner you've been dreaming about.


----------



## melancholicbastard

Crowbo said:


> I don't buy the concept that there's someone for everyone. That idea seems way too good to be true.


Me neither. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship anyway.

The only ‘someone’ for ‘everyone’ are those who they choose to accept everyday.


----------



## incision

I'm in a joint crush scenario where we're not good for each other since we're too much a like in the worst ways so I'm avoiding him online but he refuses to maintain distance. This has been going on for awhile and it's like slow torture. I will not fold.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Crowbo said:


> I don't buy the concept that there's someone for everyone. That idea seems way too good to be true.


I agree. Its just another one of those "positive-minded" bs platitudes that people regurgitate that don't wanna think or see reality.


----------



## KatieLadyMoon

I only fell in love with ENTPs (7w8 specifically) because of a literal fictional character. 

Warning FFXIV spoilers lol 







But now I realize if I were with him I’d probably break up with him in a manner of days because of how annoying he is.


----------



## KatieLadyMoon

Ock said:


> 8w7's and 3w4's, huh? Interesting. Good for you, but definitely not my cup of tea with females.


I like people who like power and overt gumption especially over the environment LOL


----------



## Kelly Kapowski

KatieLadyMoon said:


> I only fell in love with ENTPs (7w8 specifically) because of a literal fictional character.
> 
> Warning FFXIV spoilers lol
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But now I realize if I were with him I’d probably break up with him in a manner of days because of how annoying he is.



I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THIS


if some fictional character was why you were so set on ENTP's 😄 because you seemed to have a very specific idea in your head


----------



## incision

Sadly, I find myself listening to Taylor Swift's Blank Space. As a lifelong TayTay hater, never say never. 😅



> Boys only want love if it's torture
> Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya
> Boys only want love if it's torture
> Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya


----------



## eeo

Ock said:


> I agree. Its just another one of those "positive-minded" bs platitudes that people regurgitate that don't wanna think or see reality.


More often than not, the reality is that people have unrealistic expectations or they don't put enough effort into finding that "someone"/look for love from all the wrong people. It's easy to start thinking that there's no-one to like/love, or that nobody could like/love me, but is that really the case?


----------



## KatieLadyMoon

Kelly Kapowski said:


> I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THIS
> 
> 
> if some fictional character was why you were so set on ENTP's 😄 because you seemed to have a very specific idea in your head


YES! EMET SELCH! EMET SELCH! 

But now I’m all about ENTJs. Strangely enough, it’s not because of a fictional character. Idk who I’ll date in the future. I will let you know though


----------



## Kelly Kapowski

KatieLadyMoon said:


> YES! EMET SELCH! EMET SELCH!
> 
> But now I’m all about ENTJs. Strangely enough, it’s not because of a fictional character. Idk who I’ll date in the future. I will let you know though


Hahaha I DON’T KNOW WHO EMET IS! BUT I LOVE YOUR ENTHUSIASM! 😄


----------



## KatieLadyMoon

Kelly Kapowski said:


> Hahaha I DON’T KNOW WHO EMET IS! BUT I LOVE YOUR ENTHUSIASM! 😄


Thank you. Friendship ended with ENTPs, hello ENTJs


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

@KatieLadyMoon Call me crazy, but I have a thing for females with _vaginas_ . Lol. Another words I don't really idealize females from specific MBTI or enneatypes. I guess I'm just open to whatever happens to work atm romantically.


----------



## incision

The last four years have driven me crazy. Right now, I'm crushing on not one guy but two, and equally so. This has never happened in my life since there's always been a definitive preference. Unfortunately, the crush appears to be returned by both guys. One's more sweet and romantic (?NFP), the other more dynamic, dominant and sexual (possibly an 'e'but might be an 'i'NFJ). They're both creative and wicked smaht in their own ways. This would be considered a good thing by others but it's a bad thing for me. For me, it's confusing and crazy making since I can see this ending badly with both of them, regardless of which one is chosen. It's also occurred to me that they're competing with each other which would explain the tonnage of flirt bombing and practically standing on their heads from both. Something's off, especially since I'm not a big deal. Aaarrgggghhhhh, I hate being skeptical me sometimes. Why can't I be normal, accept things as they appear, and be happy with this?


----------



## impulsenine

incision said:


> The last four years have driven me crazy. Right now, I'm crushing on not one guy but two, and equally so. This has never happened in my life since there's always been a definitive preference. Unfortunately, the crush appears to be returned by both guys. One's more sweet and romantic (?NFP), the other more dynamic, dominant and sexual (possibly an 'e'but might be an 'i'NFJ). They're both creative and wicked smaht in their own ways. This would be considered a good thing by others but it's a bad thing for me. For me, it's confusing and crazy making since I can see this ending badly with both of them, regardless of which one is chosen. It's also occurred to me that they're competing with each other which would explain the tonnage of flirt bombing and practically standing on their heads from both. Something's off, especially since I'm not a big deal. Aaarrgggghhhhh, I hate being skeptical me sometimes. Why can't I be normal, accept things as they appear, and be happy with this?


If you have to take a choice between two guys, just don't. Wait for the third one. Trust!


----------



## Gossip Goat

Always feel panicked in the early stages of a relationship. I'm always worries things will fade and get weird. And I find myself thinking over intense moments. Trying to focus on the present more. Wanting distance to create desire. I feel like I'm more desirable the less you know me and the less you spend time with me. So worried. Recently felt pretty disconnected with what was happening. As if it wasn't happening at all.

This morning I looked in the mirror and felt weird about being anyone's partner. Like I'm just really incompatible with being a girlfriend. I want to be in a committed relationship but feel defunct in that role. even if I weren't inherently defunct I feel like having the thought makes me defunct. I thought about in the future, if I were to be a wife or a mom, I feel like I'd be an impostor wife or an impostor mom. Impostor girlfriend. It doesn't feel physicallly real. 

My current boyfriend is great, he's like an objectively good partner but I feel like it's not actually happening.


----------



## Perlanthesis

I have a weird taste regarding the people I love. It's never the same things twice that attract me in a person. It's either one day whether I'm attracted to lean yet muscled arms and another where I like broad shoulders. They one thing they have in common is that I may have a thing for quirky intellectuals but they're usually in a committed and healthy relationship already that I have no place being.


----------



## incision

One of the guys that I share*d *(notice the past tense?) a mutual crush with, has a girlfriend. Shit hit the fan when she found out about me and she rained fire and brimstone on me which came as a blindside since I didn't know about her. OMG, what a mess! 😂😂😂

But, there's a bright side to this since my crush on him died a sudden and violent death. It shocked me since this was the ?NFP romantic, sweet guy. Didn't think he had it in him but then, it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. 😄


----------



## electriclime

holding hands > all sex on Earth


----------



## Scoobyscoob

electriclime said:


> holding hands > all sex on Earth


Okay, I agree with you on this one.


----------



## Perlanthesis

incision said:


> One of the guys that I share*d *(notice the past tense?) a mutual crush with, has a girlfriend. Shit hit the fan when she found out about me and she rained fire and brimstone on me which came as a blindside since I didn't know about her. OMG, what a mess! 😂😂😂
> 
> But, there's a bright side to this since my crush on him died a sudden and violent death. It shocked me since this was the ?NFP romantic, sweet guy. Didn't think he had it in him but then, it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. 😄


Hell hath no fury like a mad jealous girlfriend. This is always why I make it a priority to stalk ehem research about them before taking a chance. Social media is my best security insurance against cheaters.

No wonder your crush died. 
There is no bigger turn off then a fake two timer, three, four-...whatever multiple times they think they can think they can juggle.

In my country they call these type of men one step into two boats and eventually they're gonna drown in all there lies because not one of those boats will throw him a life jacket when they clash. Cat fight over an unfaithful man, hell no, let him drown and come to his senses. The sea water will do him some good for him to clear his head.










Though in truth I would have to say with no insult to you that you dodged a bullet there.Things could have gotten worse then a hot pot if you did end up dating him.


----------



## Perlanthesis

*This is not so much a romantic confession then an account of terror.




Trigger warning:

If any of you are sensitive to words regarding sexual assualt or sexual predators then please avoid the following.

Turn away or scroll down pass now.*

















Transitioning into high school I always thought the men would have at least improved mentally and physcially. Reality crushed my dreams of actually nice and sweet-natured men. There was nothing but except one creepy dude in my math class who claimed to have known me to that I have no recollection of.

This wasn't unusual since I usually only remember the face and not the name of people. Except I really didn't remember him and he offered me his phone number to reconnect and I stupidly enough took it.

The problem came up when he sat next to me in class and got handsy. I at the time had only ever had one relationship that ended up in flames and I didn't know how to deal with it so I didn't. Naively I thought my teacher would call him out so I moved my seat nearby to the professor's desk. He didn't.

Things escalated to this dude (his name is unknown to this day nor do I want to remember it) constantly making suggestive comments and masking his predatory ways under a romantic facade such as by suggesting me making him "homemade "couple's" lunchboxes" and having "dates" in the library. This lead to the breaking point when he one day asked me to help him study in class. He had long since changed his seat closer to mine. He leaned in way way too close (like clothes on your skin close) all the time and started asking me questions regarding the assignment which I attempted to help him answer.

He had right hand on the paper and his left hand on my hand. I tried to take my hand back but he woulden't let go. Not to mention I'm not sure If this is because I had a negative image of him but he had really sweaty hands or maybe I was the one sweating from uncomfortable this was. I have claustrophobia and even if i didn't he was just constantly stuffy,sweaty, and I coulden't breathe around him. Word of advice here make no mistake here that this is not the butterfly in stomach sweating It was a perspiration of utter terror.

He started lowering his hands down my arms, to the sides, and started inching his hands up my thigh saying this wasn't like what he imagined. That didn't stop him from trying to fondle my abdomen under my shirt under the desk in front a room full of people! Nobody came to my aid.

I don't if they just didn't notice or didn't care. He was quite popular in class and he was practically friends with most of the people. Thinking about it now if my classmate really didn't care then shame on them. They were encouraging a sexual predator inadvetedly or not.

A bucket load of terror and a igniting sense of fury compelled me to "help" him study and stab my pencil into his wandering hands. He didn't get too seriously hurt and I didn't get too seriously reprimanded. I coulden't get out of that class fast enough and I managed to ask for a transfer of class and get the heck out of there. Everytime I went past that hallway that hallway I still get a lingering sense of fear even though I since long since deleted that b*****d's number and didn't see him again.

Let me empahsis this again his actions, suggestions, and emotioms he made me feel were not romantic. Even if he wanted to masquerade them as romantic it was coercion. A word of advice to the the other people out there that if you meet a stranger that claims to know you but you don't know them then run away. Follow your gut if it tells you he is a bad person or even a bit suspicious. I don't care if its rude to do that to them. It is better to not take the chance that the stranger can become a terror in your life in the future. If you even give them a single chance to slip in then they will absolutely take advantage of the situation and you with it.

This story ends with him fueling my nightmares for months and him getting off scot-free. Even though there was no satisfactory ramifications for his actions I'm just glad I never have to ever see him again.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Perlanthesis said:


> *This is not so much a romantic confession then an account of terror.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Trigger warning:
> 
> If any of you are sensitive to words regarding sexual assualt or sexual predators then please avoid the following.
> 
> Turn away or scroll down pass now.*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Transitioning into high school I always thought the men would have at least improved mentally and physcially. Reality crushed my dreams of actually nice and sweet-natured men. There was nothing but except one creepy dude in my math class who claimed to have known me to that I have no recollection of.
> 
> This wasn't unusual since I usually only remember the face and not the name of people. Except I really didn't remember him and he offered me his phone number to reconnect and I stupidly enough took it.
> 
> The problem came up when he sat next to me in class and got handsy. I at the time had only ever had one relationship that ended up in flames and I didn't know how to deal with it so I didn't. Naively I thought my teacher would call him out so I moved my seat nearby to the professor's desk. He didn't.
> 
> Things escalated to this dude (his name is unknown to this day nor do I want to remember it) constantly making suggestive comments and masking his predatory ways under a romantic facade such as by suggesting me making him "homemade "couple's" lunchboxes" and having "dates" in the library. This lead to the breaking point when he one day asked me to help him study in class. He had long since changed his seat closer to mine. He leaned in way way too close (like clothes on your skin close) all the time and started asking me questions regarding the assignment which I attempted to help him answer.
> 
> He had right hand on the paper and his left hand on my hand. I tried to take my hand back but he woulden't let go. Not to mention I'm not sure If this is because I had a negative image of him but he had really sweaty hands or maybe I was the one sweating from uncomfortable this was. I have claustrophobia and even if i didn't he was just constantly stuffy,sweaty, and I coulden't breathe around him. Word of advice here make no mistake here that this is not the butterfly in stomach sweating It was a perspiration of utter terror.
> 
> He started lowering his hands down my arms, to the sides, and started inching his hands up my thigh saying this wasn't like what he imagined. That didn't stop him from trying to fondle my abdomen under my shirt under the desk in front a room full of people! Nobody came to my aid.
> 
> I don't if they just didn't notice or didn't care. He was quite popular in class and he was practically friends with most of the people. Thinking about it now if my classmate really didn't care then shame on them. They were encouraging a sexual predator inadvetedly or not.
> 
> A bucket load of terror and a igniting sense of fury compelled me to "help" him study and stab my pencil into his wandering hands. He didn't get too seriously hurt and I didn't get too seriously reprimanded. I coulden't get out of that class fast enough and I managed to ask for a transfer of class and get the heck out of there. Everytime I went past that hallway that hallway I still get a lingering sense of fear even though I since long since deleted that b*****d's number and didn't see him again.
> 
> Let me empahsis this again his actions, suggestions, and emotioms he made me feel were not romantic. Even if he wanted to masquerade them as romantic it was coercion. A word of advice to the the other people out there that if you meet a stranger that claims to know you but you don't know them then run away. Follow your gut if it tells you he is a bad person or even a bit suspicious. I don't care if its rude to do that to them. It is better to not take the chance that the stranger can become a terror in your life in the future. If you even give them a single chance to slip in then they will absolutely take advantage of the situation and you with it.
> 
> This story ends with him fueling my nightmares for months and him getting off scot-free. Even though there was no satisfactory ramifications for his actions I'm just glad I never have to ever see him again.


That is not a new lesson in the slightest, especially for females as predation much more of a danger for females than for males. The main point of interest is to observe how you reacted to the unwanted advances. In your case, you chose to attack with, I'm presuming, an appropriate level of force to ward off the advances, since you said you didn't injure him much and you likewise weren't reprimanded much.

If that's a source of terror for you, then that's something you'll have to overcome if you want to grow from that... lesson about... life. It's just one of those life's lessons about being around people, especially in some place artificial like in class.


----------



## Veggie

I retired my dating app accounts the other day. After 4 or 5 years of them or so I was expecting that to sorta feel like a break-up in itself, but I haven't looked back other than to think that we had a good run if we never cross paths again. lol. I accrued a lot of good stories.

The new boyfriend invited me along on a business trip to south FL a few days ago (he had to go, and if he were to be infected I likely would be too given that we're temporarily living together, so why not get some beach time? ), and it was sorta surreal sitting there with him on the plane, holding his hand, remembering the last time I flew only about a month-ish ago - by myself after just meeting him, coming out of quarantine, and wondering if he would wait for me at the gate (he did ). A lot has happened in the time frame since. 

After years of what's felt like limbo - with Covid lockdowns really just being more like the grand finale to stuff that's been happening (and restrictions) in my life - it is the most refreshing, freeing feeling to look back on something and feel like "wow, that was Only a month ago??" Lately (well, until recently) it's been more the opposite, like, "it's Already been another month??" I was seriously ready to resign myself to the rest of my life flying before my eyes as I was living it. But a lot can still happen in a year, a month, a weekend, a Day. 

In the past I'd be getting completely ahead of (and potentially sabotaging) myself, but I have a newfound appreciation for taking stuff day to day (or at least... day*ish* - I still need a certain degree of anticipation and therefore planning in my life). We've talked about the future some and we're on the same page with a lot of our goals and values, but it's still early. I'm having fun tho - not really worrying about the usual ish like my age and timelines. Just enjoying life playing against music again. Luv in the time of Covid. Maybe it hasn't been such a cock block after all.


----------



## WickerDeer

Perlanthesis said:


> *This is not so much a romantic confession then an account of terror.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Trigger warning:
> 
> If any of you are sensitive to words regarding sexual assualt or sexual predators then please avoid the following.
> 
> Turn away or scroll down pass now.*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Transitioning into high school I always thought the men would have at least improved mentally and physcially. Reality crushed my dreams of actually nice and sweet-natured men. There was nothing but except one creepy dude in my math class who claimed to have known me to that I have no recollection of.
> 
> This wasn't unusual since I usually only remember the face and not the name of people. Except I really didn't remember him and he offered me his phone number to reconnect and I stupidly enough took it.
> 
> The problem came up when he sat next to me in class and got handsy. I at the time had only ever had one relationship that ended up in flames and I didn't know how to deal with it so I didn't. Naively I thought my teacher would call him out so I moved my seat nearby to the professor's desk. He didn't.
> 
> Things escalated to this dude (his name is unknown to this day nor do I want to remember it) constantly making suggestive comments and masking his predatory ways under a romantic facade such as by suggesting me making him "homemade "couple's" lunchboxes" and having "dates" in the library. This lead to the breaking point when he one day asked me to help him study in class. He had long since changed his seat closer to mine. He leaned in way way too close (like clothes on your skin close) all the time and started asking me questions regarding the assignment which I attempted to help him answer.
> 
> He had right hand on the paper and his left hand on my hand. I tried to take my hand back but he woulden't let go. Not to mention I'm not sure If this is because I had a negative image of him but he had really sweaty hands or maybe I was the one sweating from uncomfortable this was. I have claustrophobia and even if i didn't he was just constantly stuffy,sweaty, and I coulden't breathe around him. Word of advice here make no mistake here that this is not the butterfly in stomach sweating It was a perspiration of utter terror.
> 
> He started lowering his hands down my arms, to the sides, and started inching his hands up my thigh saying this wasn't like what he imagined. That didn't stop him from trying to fondle my abdomen under my shirt under the desk in front a room full of people! Nobody came to my aid.
> 
> I don't if they just didn't notice or didn't care. He was quite popular in class and he was practically friends with most of the people. Thinking about it now if my classmate really didn't care then shame on them. They were encouraging a sexual predator inadvetedly or not.
> 
> A bucket load of terror and a igniting sense of fury compelled me to "help" him study and stab my pencil into his wandering hands. He didn't get too seriously hurt and I didn't get too seriously reprimanded. I coulden't get out of that class fast enough and I managed to ask for a transfer of class and get the heck out of there. Everytime I went past that hallway that hallway I still get a lingering sense of fear even though I since long since deleted that b*****d's number and didn't see him again.
> 
> Let me empahsis this again his actions, suggestions, and emotioms he made me feel were not romantic. Even if he wanted to masquerade them as romantic it was coercion. A word of advice to the the other people out there that if you meet a stranger that claims to know you but you don't know them then run away. Follow your gut if it tells you he is a bad person or even a bit suspicious. I don't care if its rude to do that to them. It is better to not take the chance that the stranger can become a terror in your life in the future. If you even give them a single chance to slip in then they will absolutely take advantage of the situation and you with it.
> 
> This story ends with him fueling my nightmares for months and him getting off scot-free. Even though there was no satisfactory ramifications for his actions I'm just glad I never have to ever see him again.


I always keep a few pepper sprays around--I don't know if it's legal in your country though. But I think they are helpful for women to carry, if it is. Good for you for stabbing him with a pencil. Hopefully (though I kind of doubt it) it taught him a lesson, and he won't go on to do that to another girl.


----------



## Veggie

Little things are so romantic.

Bf had a bunch of friends over for his birthday. I haven't been someone's gf officially for something like that in a long time, and I was feeling some self inflicted pressure. I've been in relationships in the past where everything is expected to be perfect, an indicator of how much u care, annnnd where something is pretty much bound to go wrong too, ofc. What's supposed to be fun and ceremonious leaves me feeling resentful and/or like a failure. 

I got him a cake and candles (among other stuff) and when I went to open one of the age candles I broke it in half. I'm thinking "omg, this is it, this is the moment where I ruin the night" but I'm trying to have a healthy internal discussion too where I'm like "well yes, Maybe, if u make a big deal about how u think u ruined the night" lol. So I just kinda quietly approach him and tell him I broke it and he laughs in the kindest way (which is sorta his thing <3) and says "well it's wax, right? We can prob just melt it back together."

One of his friends caught a candid pic of us fastidiously trying to (we did succeed!) weld this split candle over the stove, and it might be my fave pic I've ever unwittingly taken with a bf.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

One of my lady friends was once in a car with a man when he tried sexually assaulting her. She ended up beating the crap out of him. Good on her.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Some people have sexual intercourse because it's a fun and sensual sensory activity, but every "player" I've ever met was deeply unhappy with their life because it's an unfulfilling lifestyle.

Something to think about, player.


----------



## incision

This is weird for me, in that I have analysis-paralysis from far too many misunderstandings. I had already pulled back because of one such event but saw that he was in pain and tried to make peace so we could both move on. This was a very bad idea. He misconstrued it as reengagement and accepted the perceived romantic olive branch. Now I'm kicking myself around the block, wondering how to handle this in a way that doesn't cause WWIII. How do I dig myself out of the pile of self-created poo where no good deed goes unpunished?


----------



## 8080

*



*


Scoobyscoob said:


> Some people have sexual intercourse *because it's a fun and sensual sensory activity*


The remaining people are a) victims of sexual crimes, b) reluctant wives (semi-professional sex workers), c) professional sex workers and d) those who agonise over the production of children.


----------



## ENIGMA2019

Scoobyscoob said:


> Some people have sexual intercourse because it's a fun and sensual sensory activity, but every "player" I've ever met was deeply unhappy with their life because it's an unfulfilling lifestyle.
> 
> Something to think about, player.


I have always heard it takes a player to recognize a player


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Paradox3 said:


> I have always heard it takes a player to recognize a player


I'm too old for that kind of stuff or to even entertain the thought.



8080 said:


> The remaining people are a) victims of sexual crimes, b) reluctant wives (semi-professional sex workers), c) professional sex workers and d) those who agonise over the production of children.


Are you a virgin? Because you kind of sound like one. No judgement, I'm simply asking, because what you're saying is so bizarre that it's easy to surmise you've never had sex before. *MOST *people have sex because it's enjoyable and a way to express intimacy. No one thinks like you do when it comes to sex, unless you're a virgin or underaged or just have weird conceptions about sex.


----------



## incision

incision said:


> This is weird for me, in that I have analysis-paralysis from far too many misunderstandings. I had already pulled back because of one such event but saw that he was in pain and tried to make peace so we could both move on. This was a very bad idea. He misconstrued it as reengagement and accepted the perceived romantic olive branch. Now I'm kicking myself around the block, wondering how to handle this in a way that doesn't cause WWIII. How do I dig myself out of the pile of self-created poo where no good deed goes unpunished?


Okay, I dug myself out of this one by doing nothing. This pissed him off pretty badly so I'll leave him to it. Oh, forgot something. I had originally typed him as an ENFJ but after awhile, realized he was an ESFJ after the multitude and types of misunderstandings. This type of dynamic has been consistent in the past, between ESFJs and myself, albeit anything in the past was platonic.

The good news is that I've met another NF and wow, he's fast on his feet, picking up on every, single easter egg that I've left with lightning speed. No problems on my side picking up on his too which is a good sign that we _might be_ on the same wavelength. His mind is tangential and he's really subtle so some of his easter eggs are so much fun to find/figure out. The lengths he goes to create them, blows my mind. Oh my, this guy's so funny, creative, sweet and romantic that I'm in serious trouble of being swooned. 

I could kick myself for not connecting with F guys in the past. Y'all are amazing!


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

I'm in a polyamorous relationship with an oak tree and a squirrel. The sex is great.


----------



## eeo

Scoobyscoob said:


> Are you a virgin? Because you kind of sound like one. No judgement, I'm simply asking, because what you're saying is so bizarre that it's easy to surmise you've never had sex before. *MOST *people have sex because it's enjoyable and a way to express intimacy. No one thinks like you do when it comes to sex, unless you're a virgin or underaged or just have weird conceptions about sex.


Is this some kind of a joke about a joke? Because if you're serious...you seem to have a habit of jumping to the wildest conclusions and taking things very literally. Are you on the spectrum? No judgement or intent of being insensitive, I'm simply asking. It would make so many things more clear.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

eeo said:


> Is this some kind of a joke about a joke? Because if you're serious...you seem to have a habit of jumping to the wildest conclusions and taking things very literally. Are you on the spectrum? No judgement or intent of being insensitive, I'm simply asking. It would make so many things more clear.


Lol. I see what you did there.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

eeo said:


> Is this some kind of a joke about a joke? Because if you're serious...you seem to have a habit of jumping to the wildest conclusions and taking things very literally. Are you on the spectrum? No judgement or intent of being insensitive, I'm simply asking. It would make so many things more clear.


Was I talking to you, moron?


----------



## eeo

Scoobyscoob said:


> Was I talking to you, moron?


Quoting this so you wouldn't be able to edit it.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

eeo said:


> Quoting this so you wouldn't be able to edit it.


I wasn't talking to your stupid self. Was I. So stop trying to talk to me, fool.


----------



## eeo

Scoobyscoob said:


> I wasn't talking to your stupid self. Was I. So stop trying to talk to me, fool.


Quoting this again as proof of the kind of person you really are.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

eeo said:


> Quoting this again as proof.


😄 What a loser. Ignored.


----------



## incision

Rant forthcoming.


* *




The ex-mutual crush NFP guy that I went no contact with after his girlfriend (I had no idea she existed) freaked out on me, got his revenge. He got a guy that he thought I liked (which I don't and barely know him from adam) to approach me because the ex-crush told him that I was interested in him. This was done to purportedly mess up my 'game' because he thought I let him go so easily because I liked the other guy. Where did he pull this insane thought from? WTF, jealous nutbar and such a jerk to his g/f since it's as if she's invisible or something and has no feelings to consider. I'm so angry with his craziness and how juvenile this entire fiasco has been. It genuinely feels like I'm in high school or in an episode of Jerry Springer. What adult does this? 😡


----------



## tryingtofigureitout

I always fall in love with broken people. It's because I'm broken too.


----------



## WickerDeer

Someone from a portrait art group I am in posted a pen portrait and prefaced it with this-- "My wife and I call it ‘Date Night’ - her dialysis treatments. I stay with her, we listen to music, and I draw her from the bedside."


----------



## erica1994

My confession: I love too hard and I’m always so damn forgiving 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Perlanthesis

I get lonely *so so* easily but at the same time I’m so used to being alone that when someone I’m interested in come into my life I don’t know how to let them in. They have to find the key, the house, the right floor and then the (hidden) door or else they’ll just run into a wall. If someone wants to love me and find my heart they will need an instruction guide.


----------



## eva26

I couldn't find a suitable pair for a long time . I was 2 years without a girlfriend. How to make a woman fall in love with you. I broke up with my first love and couldn't come to my senses for a long time. But my friends showed me a Dating site . It seemed crazy to me . I didn't believe in online Dating. On this site htps://bride-forever.com/blog/how-to-make-a-woman-fall-in-love-with-you-3 I met a girl from Belarus. We have been together for 3 years, she moved to my country, now she is my fiancee. We love each other and don't understand how we didn't know each other before.


----------



## Behnam Agahi

I could be the most complicated person in the room while I don't show anything at all.
Complexity, personality, confusion... F*** all that, when it comes to life it's about decision and simplicity.
I like to play my games with some money in it. I won't be playing hide and seek for no reason. So either mind your manners and respect the game rules or get the hell out and come back to life, we will talk then.


----------



## daniella78

confession: my love never reciprocate and I "grow up" with no love and affection.


----------



## neutralchaotic

WickerDeer said:


> Yeah--I can't get behind that theory either.
> 
> I tend to think of "romantic"--like going back to the romantic era and the philosophy was definitely more than horniness, but there was also a big focus on nature and individualism. And I think horniness is pretty closely tied to nature.
> 
> I think some people view the term more like idk...jewelry commercials and stuff. But that's not really romanticism imo--that's moreso consumerism.
> 
> I'm sure you can be a horny prude too.


Ooh yeah, the differences in definitions.

When I say romantic, I definitely don't mean consumerism. Open in showing non-sexual affection, keen on symbolizing the status of the relationship ('couple items' like creating meaningful and individualized gifts for each other), sweet words, etc. Really tapping into how their partner receives love, and wanting to give that love continuously; wanting to remind/show their partner that they love them constantly. 

So I would consider a hopeless romantic to be someone who almost lives for showing that type of affection to someone. Others don't need that same amount of attention to feel that love.

Horny prudes are what I would consider Fundamentalist Christians, who are overly occupied with virginity as a mode of power. Shaming anyone who doesn't do sex 'their way', and completely obsessed with sex and its related topics (usually to the detriment of women in their sects). This could probably apply to any religious sect where women are likened to seductive and sexual 'beasts' who should be modest, tamed, hidden, and subjected to the authority of their fathers/husbands.


----------



## Purrfessor

I miss someone who ghosted me. We met in a hospital and kissed but when I got out and used her number to contact her, she decides to ghost me..

Anyway now she's in Texas (likely) and im worried about her. Sent her some messages asking if she's alright and one telling her I love her. Against my higher power to send nothing at all cuz she's just a ghost.

Sigh. You think you know someone. 

And all this travelling im doing is trying to lead me to Florida. But someone I'm out of contact with is there too. Wish she would follow her word and see me.

I'm lonely and don't know where to turn.


----------



## Perlanthesis

I have dated but never been in a fully commited relationship before.


----------



## WickerDeer

I wasn't sure if this belonged in the Sexual Confessions or the Romantic Confessions thread. But I chose this one since so far none of this has been consummated--not even in my imagination.

I've decided Adrien Brody will be the sacred vessel of my lust and animus this spring, and my imaginary boyfriend who encourages me to develop as a person. 

Sorry for objectifying you Mr. Brody, but I need some kind of image to encapsulate my animus. I'm weirdly proud of myself and also grateful b/c I just need a change. Of course, I won't actually infringe on your experience as a person--I'm just borrowing your image.

And maybe also Owen Wilson. But Woody Allen should be blamed for that, in part. I think he's pretty funny in other films though, so there's that.


----------



## blossomier

I'll break up with my boyfriend soon. He's rather quiet and doesn't open up easily, but after dating for more than a year I still feel that he hasn't opened up and he doesn't try. I gave him time and space but he doesn't meet my needs. I need someone to talk to and that values me. I feel like he doesn't do any of these.

I hope he will get enough confidence to trust people and open up (he said he has issues, so I know it's a long way). He's a good person. He deserves someone that can wait for him to open up or match his personality better (not only his traits but also his likings). I tried, I really tried, but I can't be that person.


----------



## Lunacik

Romantic confessions...hmm. Tbh, aside from some infatuation with the IDEA of being with another woman, I just don't have any enthusiasm about or interest in the romantic realm anymore. It's difficult to imagine myself with anyone beyond a close friends with benefits type of thing. I'm extremely detached from everyone.


----------



## Lunacik

I'm really not a romantic. I don't care about all those little relationship things that drive so many others into loneliness when they lack it. Being a "couple," or being a "family," just...IDK, fuck that prison cell, that isn't a life to me. People say things like "WHEN you get married," even after you express that you don't ever want to. I have no desire to be held, to come home to some "significant other," to share my bed with another person, to kiss or have those little romantic exchanges. I'm more at home in my solitude than in some human's arms; that seems so foreign to me, in a bad way. It feels intrusive. I'm in a relationship now, but...we act more like just friends, and I prefer it that way.


----------



## Veggie

[stuff]


----------



## Whippit

Veggie said:


> We're on a good track again, but then he texts me that his gorgeous, skinny, blonde, successful in her career, more than a decade younger than me friend wants to hang out tonight. (With us both, she's honestly very sweet and cool).
> 
> BEHAVE Veggie. lol. I get so insecure. She's not just solely his friend either, she's a part of a larger friend group of his, in the film industry here. Other friends will be there too.
> 
> I've met a few ppl online in the same situation I'm in (thirties, about 6 months into a pandemic relationship), and they've all recommended that I read "Attached."
> 
> I have. Let's see if I can apply this wisdom to action lol.


Sounds like a great situation for you to show him how much you trust him and how cool you are, and a great way for him to show that he respects you and knows how to make you feel important.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> We're on a good track again, but then he texts me that his gorgeous, skinny, blonde, successful in her career, more than a decade younger than me friend wants to hang out tonight. (With us both, she's honestly very sweet and cool).
> 
> BEHAVE Veggie. lol. I get so insecure. She's not just solely his friend either, she's a part of a larger friend group of his, in the film industry here. Other friends will be there too.
> 
> I've met a few ppl online in the same situation I'm in (thirties, about 6 months into a pandemic relationship), and they've all recommended that I read "Attached."
> 
> I have. Let's see if I can apply this wisdom to action lol.


Lol im just reading the fellowship of the ring... I want to read Possessed but can t choose my books. Started the wheel of time series as well. I recommend that if you like fantasy. I like it anyway. Btw i like how you put periods on the correct side of parentheses... Total turn on.

Im kidding lol. Just wanted to say hi.


----------



## Purrfessor

I got two girls snapchats. First time having a working phone in 6 months. I could use some help talking to them... I fear im too nerdy. They seem more basic. But hot. Possibly fun. I have low standards r n.


----------



## Ssenptni

Purrfessor said:


> I got two girls snapchats. First time having a working phone in 6 months. I could use some help talking to them... I fear im too nerdy. They seem more basic. But hot. Possibly fun. I have low standards r n.


Just repeat the last thing they said but as a question. You have low standards r n? Hot and fun is a low standard? What are their types & signs?


----------



## Purrfessor

Ssenptni said:


> Just repeat the last thing they said but as a question. You have low standards r n? Hot and fun is a low standard? What are their types & signs?


The last thing they said has been deleted. But i did ask one of them some questions, how are you? Are you still down for meeting? What are ya thinking? 

She opened but didnt respond. I also added to my story a pic of me wearing Snapchat bunny ears... Thought that would get her.... Hot and fun is a low standard because they are predictable. Usually its the ambitious, charitable, intelligent women I like. 

Oh I have an idea. Perc still has an old pic of a cat I had. I could try to add that to my story and make her think I have a cat. She has a bunny. 

The thing is she likely has a lot of sc people on her list. And me just two.. I still have to message the other one. 

Types ok. Idk their signs but types I can guess. The one who wants to go hiking is probably a quirky NP. The other is a deep feeler FP. I dont know them enough to derive further.


----------



## Ssenptni

As an INTP you will never pull off telling them what you think they want to hear. Genuineness is your only option. Real you + zero thirst.


----------



## blossomier

Today my ex came here and got his stuff back.

Breaking up was definitely the right thing to do. I feel light and free. I know that I was supposed to be sad for more time, but I don't feel sad at all? And I like the fact that I can now flirt with other men (that either flirt with me and I want to flirt back or start flirting with the ones I am slightly interested in). 

Time to download Tinder, flirt and do nothing with the matches. Lol.


----------



## Purrfessor

Ssenptni said:


> As an INTP you will never pull off telling them what you think they want to hear. Genuineness is your only option. Real you + zero thirst.


So far not working. They seem to already be distancing themselves from me. Aw man im going to spend money on old-school runescape and just escape while I can. So much for hiking. 

Really ill just focus on the book im writing, the games im designing, and escape into the world of runescape and anime. 

Im just not good with women anymore. If its online anyway.


----------



## Veggie

Whippit said:


> Sounds like a great situation for you to show him how much you trust him and how cool you are, and a great way for him to show that he respects you and knows how to make you feel important.


Thank u for this, lol, appreciated the support. I do trust that they're just friends tho. She's really a friend to me too at this point. She can just trigger all of these stupid insecurities in me. A lot of his friends can, in honesty. They're all super athletic and younger, and I spent the first part of quarantine just playing video games lol.

The night actually turned very sweet. She invited her mom, who I think was enjoying the more lax US south rules what with everything, lol... we did an outdoor wine patio. Her mom said that she'd brought up how him and I met, said it sounded like a Hallmark movie, and it seemed very both removed and supportive in it's own respectful way <3


----------



## Whippit

Veggie said:


> Thank u for this, lol, appreciated the support. I do trust that they're just friends tho. She's really a friend to me too at this point. She can just trigger all of these stupid insecurities in me. A lot of his friends can, in honesty. They're all super athletic and younger, and I spent the first part of quarantine just playing video games lol.
> 
> The night actually turned very sweet. She invited her mom, who I think was enjoying the more lax US south rules what with everything, lol... we did an outdoor wine patio. Her mom said that she'd brought up how him and I met, said it sounded like a Hallmark movie, and it seemed very both removed and supportive in it's own respectful way <3


Thanks for the update, I was wondering how that all went. That does all sound like a sweet little get-together. I had to chime in originally because with my current partner I had to think real hard on how to both deal with her ex potentially being around and my own friend, whom I attempted to date in the past, don't feel that way anymore about her, but didn't want to lose her if it was possible. It can get complex sometimes.


----------



## Veggie

Purrfessor said:


> Lol im just reading the fellowship of the ring... I want to read Possessed but can t choose my books. Started the wheel of time series as well. I recommend that if you like fantasy. I like it anyway. Btw i like how you put periods on the correct side of parentheses... Total turn on.
> 
> Im kidding lol. Just wanted to say hi.


Howdy!! 

Attached, not Possessed lol. I'm learning that apparently this is the 30 something dating bible lol. Goes into different attachment styles and how they can affect your relationships.

I knew some about this already, but not in depth.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Howdy!!
> 
> Attached, not Possessed lol. I'm learning that apparently this is the 30 something dating bible lol. Goes into different attachment styles and how they can affect your relationships.
> 
> I knew some about this already, but not in depth.


I was talking about Fyodor Dostoyevsky. The possessed... Oops forgot an article that changes everything. 

No but honestly ill be 30 soon. My 20s sucked. Maybe ill pick it up in my 30s? Attachment styles sounds familiar. Attached huh. 

Shhhhh veggie just enjoy the sound of the ocean crashing to shore. Dont overthink it..


----------



## Veggie

Purrfessor said:


> I was talking about Fyodor Dostoyevsky. The possessed... Oops forgot an article that changes everything.
> 
> No but honestly ill be 30 soon. My 20s sucked. Maybe ill pick it up in my 30s? Attachment styles sounds familiar. Attached huh.
> 
> Shhhhh veggie just enjoy the sound of the ocean crashing to shore. Dont overthink it..


Thanx for the advice lol.

And mine to you - don't write women off as basic before u know them. Maybe they could surprise u. Curious why you even got their Snapchats if you think that too.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Thanx for the advice lol.
> 
> And mine to you - don't write women off as basic before u know them. Maybe they could surprise u. Curious why you even got their Snapchats if you think that too.


Im just trying new things. Didnt have a sc before. Turns out one has a bf. I basically lost ideas for conversation with that one. Lol 

I found a more interesting match. Definitely not basic. But im not sexually attracted to her. Gee why do I use tinder again? Oh yeah trying new things. 

My sexuality screws things up. Demisexual. I need to fall in love basically. On tinder? Sc? Where else can I look lol. Maybe volunteer at the shelter....


----------



## Veggie

Purrfessor said:


> Im just trying new things. Didnt have a sc before. Turns out one has a bf. I basically lost ideas for conversation with that one. Lol
> 
> I found a more interesting match. Definitely not basic. But im not sexually attracted to her. Gee why do I use tinder again? Oh yeah trying new things.
> 
> My sexuality screws things up. Demisexual. I need to fall in love basically. On tinder? Sc? Where else can I look lol. Maybe volunteer at the shelter....


Yea, I can't imagine Tinder culture meshing well with demisexuality lol. 

Stating it in on your bio might help tho if you haven't. I feel like everyone's on Tinder now, it's not just the hook-up app that it used to be. You might get a few "sames!" to work with.

I'm a supporter of throwing things at the wall to see what sticks, lol, so props on that.


----------



## Purrfessor

Veggie said:


> Yea, I can't imagine Tinder culture meshing well with demisexuality lol.
> 
> Stating it in on your bio might help tho if you haven't. I feel like everyone's on Tinder now, it's not just the hook-up app that it used to be. You might get a few "sames!" to work with.
> 
> I'm a supporter of throwing things at the wall to see what sticks, lol, so props on that.


I think I do have it say that. Along with all my typology types. And a quote from the silmarillion. And my name lol it has my name as Laressa.... Stupid tinder of course it won't let me change it. I put my phone number down as well. Nobody called or texted yet. Might just take it down. 

I was looking for a hookup. Never done one before. Now the girls I match with ghost me. Should call myself Casper the friendly ghost.


----------



## Veggie

If my research is correct, than I'm a really weird INFJ. And he's a really weird ESTP. And we totally fit some socioeconomics bill (I hate that typology system over all others lol). I kinda want to start a thread about this, but I feel like I would just get responses on how power dynamics just are, as opposed to what they could be.


----------



## Squirt

I've been watching too many K-dramas, and finally ended up crushing on a Korean actor. Damnit.

Jang Hyuk, though. My goodness. Does all his own (impressive) stunts, spans genres from romance to action to historical drama. Classy and easygoing, with a fair amount of dry humor and steady focus that just gets to me.  


* *

















I really want to see Chuno.


----------



## mino

I had a crush on a dude who was 2 years younger than me.

In my defense, I was in high school, he seemed to like me back (before he got a girlfriend, then he just shut off), he was mature for his age, _and_ he was an ENFJ 6w7. How was I _not_ supposed to like him??

Our personalities worked so well together that it was ridiculous (though my tert Fi got in the way a lot with its inability to read social cues).


----------



## 558663

mino said:


> I had a crush on a dude who was 2 years younger than me.
> 
> In my defense, I was in high school, he seemed to like me back (before he got a girlfriend, then he just shut off), he was mature for his age, _and_ he was an ENFJ 6w7. How was I _not_ supposed to like him??
> 
> Our personalities worked so well together that it was ridiculous (though my tert Fi got in the way a lot with its inability to read social cues).


I know how you feel - those ExFJs are so charming.

I had a tiny crush on an ESFJ guy in high school. He paid a lot of attention to me in the classes we had together and he always picked me as his partner for any work that we did. Every time I made a mistake in class (because we had lots of speaking and presentations in those classes) and got embarrassed as a result, he would reassure me that everything was still okay. I thought it was a bit odd that he was so friendly since we barely knew each other, so I was suspicious of him at first.

There was one time when he vented to me about his worries about upcoming tests. Later on, I mentioned some personal stuff and basically that there was a lot on my plate, and he apologized for burdening me. I was taken aback because I heard many of my friends vent despite them knowing of my issues. So seeing someone being so considerate was nice for a change, even if it might be out of courtesy.

That's when I realized that I liked him a bit, but I ignored my feelings because I think he was just being nice to me. Besides, it was pretty clear over time that I was the teacher's pet and I excelled in that subject, so he could have partnered up with me to get good marks. Nonetheless, I was not in a healthy state at that time so romance was the least of my worries anyway.


----------



## mino

acrea said:


> I know how you feel - those ExFJs are so charming.
> 
> I had a tiny crush on an ESFJ guy in high school. He paid a lot of attention to me in the classes we had together and he always picked me as his partner for any work that we did. Every time I made a mistake in class (because we had lots of speaking and presentations in those classes) and got embarrassed as a result, he would reassure me that everything was still okay. I thought it was a bit odd that he was so friendly since we barely knew each other, so I was suspicious of him at first.
> 
> There was one time when he vented to me about his worries about upcoming tests. Later on, I mentioned some personal stuff and basically that there was a lot on my plate, and he apologized for burdening me. I was taken aback because I heard many of my friends vent despite them knowing of my issues. So seeing someone being so considerate was nice for a change, even if it might be out of courtesy.
> 
> That's when I realized that I liked him a bit, but I ignored my feelings because I think he was just being nice to me. Besides, it was pretty clear over time that I was the teacher's pet and I excelled in that subject, so he could have partnered up with me to get good marks. Nonetheless, I was not in a healthy state at that time so romance was the least of my worries anyway.


Understandable. ExFJs are charming to the point where it’s unfair.

Even when he did something utterly stupid it was charming in a dorky way.

I ignored my feelings as well, so I do somewhat regret not telling him (while also being completely happy that I never told him).


----------



## Squirt

mino said:


> I had a crush on a dude who was 2 years younger than me.


When I was in college, we had high schoolers taking college classes, and it got pretty difficult to tell who was "of age" sometimes. (the range of ages in a typical class could be anywhere from 16 to 60+!)

There was a guy in my class who I found charming, and so I flirted with him one day after class and asked if he wanted to go out. He said he couldn't because he had chores at home and seemed pretty terrified by my proposition. I asked him how old he was and he said 17. I was 24. Whooooops.... sorry dude, didn't mean to scare ya. 

Good thing I wasn't a 24 year old guy flirting with a 17 year old girl or someone would have called the cops...


----------



## mino

Squirt said:


> When I was in college, we had high schoolers taking college classes, and it got pretty difficult to tell who was "of age" sometimes. (the range of ages in a typical class could be anywhere from 16 to 60+!)
> 
> There was a guy in my class who I found charming, and so I flirted with him one day after class and asked if he wanted to go out. He said he couldn't because he had chores at home and seemed pretty terrified by my proposition. I asked him how old he was and he said 17. I was 24. Whooooops.... sorry dude, didn't mean to scare ya.
> 
> Good thing I wasn't a 24 year old guy flirting with a 17 year old girl or someone would have called the cops...


That sounds hilarious.

_Technically_ I could still date this dude legally, since a 2 year age difference between a boy and girl is something my country will usually overlook. I’m focusing on my studies though, so romance is not a priority at the moment.


----------



## blossomier

This song makes me extremely soft... It even makes me want to be in a relationship. 🥺


----------



## Nannerl

Right now I feel with the literal _need_ of loving someone, taking care of some, _give_ - wtf is this, get off of me😩


----------



## WickerDeer

This was probably the "romantic" song--like some ideal romantic song I thought embodied romance.

But I'm kind of hoping I find a new one since whatever I've been doing hasn't been working that well, so change is necessary. Though it's still pretty!






It's all about change and stability--I think that's got to be a common theme for people with Ne-Si in a prominent place. 

A lot of people type Neil Young as an ISFP and I've heard as well, that he might have touches of behavior that is sort of autistic--from a coworker who read his biography, b/c he has some huge collection of toy trains. But I think I sort of agree with this guy's interpretation of ISFP vs. INFP musicians. 





 Though I am not sure I agree with him about lady gaga.









INFP vs. ISFP - Quick Tips to Tell Them Apart (Video)


INFP and ISFP can be tricky types to tell apart. ISFPs are often mistaken for iNtuitives. In this post I show you how to tell the difference.




intuitivemusician.com





I do think INFP artists/poets/musicians deal with this "time is changing" thing a lot--both the benefit and the terror of it all. The desire for consistency and security and also the reality of change as that's the Ne perception. 






Like as young people they are elderly spirits, and as elderly people they have spirit of a child. Idk--Idk what his type is. He certainly doesn't look like the epitome of romance from outward appearance. lol 

But I still hope to find a new song...though I also still hope the harvest moon song stays in the constellation.


* *





I just do feel like you find these theme a lot with NFP artists--explored in many ways:


----------



## Queen of Cups

Was talking with my husband this morning and he told me “Very few people have your grit.”
And it may not seem romantic to anyone else but it hit me right in the gut. And is probably one if the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me.


----------



## impulsenine

You know it's great love when even your toothbrushes make love, you catch them french kissing in the bathroom.


----------



## Lunacik

.


----------



## Deuce

Do you think it's wrong to be secretly in love (not devastatingly so but just enough for your heart to melt a bit when you think about the person and for him to not be able to commit any wrong in your mind) with one of your gay male friend ? And not make it known knowing that the person hasn't realized ? And to keep acting like you're aligned with their idea which is that have only friendly feelings towards them ?


----------



## sxfiya

My biggest fear is that I’m a black hole


----------



## mia-me

My newest crush is only 5'9". A first for me.


----------



## Lunacik

This is going to sound bad (at least to me) without more context, but about 85% of what motivates me to move forward in life is my boyfriend. I'm not the type to be dependent upon a romantic partner, it's just that I'm in the early stages of rebuilding after a several year long period of losing basically everything and everyone I cared for: homes, jobs, pets, independence, family, friends (it's a complicated story), everything. My long-term relationships (platonic also) are what give my life meaning, value, purpose, and a clear sense of direction. Life seems empty when it's only me + money / work / survival. What's it matter if you're rich and successful if you're completely isolated? No family at all. Few friends (I'm selective and I don't like most people), all long distance. Seems kind of unfulfilling. I always figure if I don't have family I'll just create one. He's the only family I've got for now.

So basically, my boyfriend (and my cat) are giving me the motivational energy I need to work toward being successful and creating a better future for now.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Hexcoder said:


> This is going to sound bad (at least to me) without more context, but about 85% of what motivates me to move forward in life is my boyfriend. I'm not the type to be dependent upon a romantic partner, it's just that I'm in the early stages of rebuilding after a several year long period of losing basically everything and everyone I cared for: homes, jobs, pets, independence, family, friends (it's a complicated story), everything. My long-term relationships (platonic also) are what give my life meaning, value, purpose, and a clear sense of direction. Life seems empty when it's only me + money / work / survival. What's it matter if you're rich and successful if you're completely isolated? No family at all. Few friends (I'm selective and I don't like most people), all long distance. Seems kind of unfulfilling. I always figure if I don't have family I'll just create one. He's the only family I've got for now.
> 
> So basically, my boyfriend (and my cat) are giving me the motivational energy I need to work toward being successful and creating a better future for now.


Did you.....well, um........Never mind. Probably none of my business. I was gonna express some genuine concern.


----------



## Lunacik

Ock said:


> Did you.....well, um........Never mind. Probably none of my business. I was gonna express some genuine concern.


Go for it, ask away, it's cool. Can PM if you feel it's more appropriate.


----------



## WickerDeer

Hexcoder said:


> This is going to sound bad (at least to me) without more context, but about 85% of what motivates me to move forward in life is my boyfriend. I'm not the type to be dependent upon a romantic partner, it's just that I'm in the early stages of rebuilding after a several year long period of losing basically everything and everyone I cared for: homes, jobs, pets, independence, family, friends (it's a complicated story), everything. My long-term relationships (platonic also) are what give my life meaning, value, purpose, and a clear sense of direction. Life seems empty when it's only me + money / work / survival. What's it matter if you're rich and successful if you're completely isolated? No family at all. Few friends (I'm selective and I don't like most people), all long distance. Seems kind of unfulfilling. I always figure if I don't have family I'll just create one. He's the only family I've got for now.
> 
> So basically, my boyfriend (and my cat) are giving me the motivational energy I need to work toward being successful and creating a better future for now.


I think it sounds good that your boyfriend is a positive influence on your life. I think it's normal to feel motivated by love and sometimes people don't want to acknowledge that--perhaps because of the popular values around independence and individualism.

But the proof is in the pudding for you--seems. So that seems good.


----------



## nicoloco90

I've always been in love with my own romantic imagination and it has never left me or disappointed me. I should probably just date myself. It is super accessible, low maintenance, consistent, trust-worhty and a great return-on-investment! That's marriage material even!


----------



## WickerDeer

Edit: Sometimes I fear that my experiences are so "different" that there is a gulf between me and anyone else, because they just aren't going to understand.

I imagine this feeling is actually pretty common since people really do have such different experiences.

I think there's got to be some sweet spot where people are just mature enough and open enough to accept that there probably are things they won't understand in the person they're interacting with--and to just keep a space open for understanding and just letting people be themselves.

I imagine it happens when you're super old and you just sit outside on some balcony or porch with an equally super old person, because by that time you guys have probably been through enough shit that it seems silly to compare anything to "normal."

I wonder if I can embrace that sooner. lol


----------



## KC

Man, it's been ages since I last posted here. Well, here goes I guess. 

So I just recently got out of a 3 and a half years relationship and shit's still been kicking me. Feelings are mixed and all over the place. 

For the past year, I've been very involved with my church small group and there's someone in there that I quite fancy. Yeah, she's great looking and all but there's also that something extra. She's smart, disciplined, possesses great values, appears capable and well versed in her field, so many positive qualities that make her marriage material. 

In fact, there are quite a few people within my church circle who are like that, high-quality, capable women with great prospects but something inside of me just feels like I don't measure up. Like I'm working on improving my appearance, exercising, eating healthy, quit smoking, took up more responsibilities in church and my career ain't too bad either, but there's something deep-rooted that feels like I just don't measure up... like I don't have much to offer to these girls and that I'm not good enough for them. 

Maybe I stay up too late playing videogames at times or drink too much diet coke while these girls are up at 6am doing their devotions and playing tennis by 7:30am. Feeling like my life is completely out of order and it just doesn't make sense.


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

I don't want to see your face anymore.

Goodbye you *, , *, *-***, with a face, now that I think about it, was ugly anyway. What do you do with that giant abnormal head of yours anyway? It's pretty darn big, oh, you could probably make a box of your face since it's so square.

Goodbye, I don't ever want to see your face again. (Or your name and anything else about you.)

I will never tell anybody about you, people don't need to know about you, your existence, it doesn't matter, you're a disappointment, vile, just like the rest of humanity. You never existed. I will pretend you never existed, and then I will act like you never existed.

Hey guess what, you never existed, I don't even know who you are anymore.

Who? Who's that? Who are you talking about? Him? I don't know him. No he's not a person. Sorry, who? Sorry my brain does not compute, this person you're supposedly talking about? Nah they're dead to me. Dead, rotten and forgotten.

DELETED.

I WILL NEVER REMEMBER YOU.

YOU DON'T DESERVE TO EVEN BE REMEMBERED. OR A MEMORY. I'M SO ASHAMED I EVEN THOUGHT MUCH OF YOU.

You never existed in my life or anybody else's life. Just erase your name, nobody cares anymore.

Bye *****t.


----------



## Eugenia Shepherd

I have a hard time accepting "casual dating" for extended (i.e. 4+ years) periods of time,
flings/trysts, spontaneous romantic affairs/engagements, or what-have-you.
I guess I see it as a serious waste of my time, energy, emotional investment, etc.
I'm very dedicated & levelheaded by nature... I don't like idling in vapid relationships.


----------



## Eu_citzen

Funny. Found myself daydreaming about having a romantic partner the other day. 
And the daily interactions that implies.

I'm indulging in a mixture of nostalgic/pleasant memories and being a bit dreamy-eyed with said daydreaming. 
Funny, because it's not that I miss it per se. If i did, I'd be actively looking for it again.
Rather, I'm just enjoying the delightful daydreams that my current drowsy self indulges in.


----------



## Lunacik

Is this really even a sound idea?


----------



## Lunacik

I wonder if I'd be content with a relationship that's mostly founded upon practicalities and mutual benefit...a partnership, a compatible team...albeit a committed and trustworthy one, filled with mutual respect and love, but without all the romantic norms. Maybe I don't crave a relationship. Maybe I just want a good friend and some sex. Or, maybe my idea of a desirable "romantic partnership" is just atypical.


----------



## Gossip Goat

Am I fortunate enough to have an avoidant attachment style boyfriend and that's why he doesn't want to spend time with me or am I even more fortunate in him not wanting to be in this relationship anymore?


----------



## impulsenine

I fall in love about once a month, when I randomly meet a beautiful woman. There are many beautiful ones, but it is a special type of beauty, something that my brain likes very much, I can't describe it. 
Beautiful not only physically, but simply the energy she emanates, all the defects and qualities combine perfectly.
There are one or two physical features that are unique all the time, which give "personality" to her face. 

Too bad they are all married and have 3 children already


----------



## Lunacik

I keep thinking of things I want to say, but everything seems like stating the obvious.

"There isn't anyone quite like you"
No shit, everyone is unique...

"There's no one else I'd rather be with"
I mean, I'd certainly hope so considering I'm in a commited relationship...it'd be super shitty to prefer to be with someone besides who I'm with...I feel like this is basically the same thing as saying "we are in a normal relationship."

"You're special to me" sounds lame and cheesy.
"You're important to me"
Isn't that generally always the case with a partner?

Goddamn it...I'll just stick with a simple "I love you."

There's my one cringey mush moment for the year.


----------



## Lunacik

I haven't shaved my legs in like a week. The things you never know by being in a long distance relationship...😆


----------



## Lunacik

.


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## mia-me

Not sure why this came to mind but one of my exs smashed something I gifted him to dust, after I broke up with him for valid reasons, reasons he acknowledged. It made me sad since he wanted this item so badly and couldn't afford it at the time but it also added one more valid reason for the break up. While he didn't get angry very often, when he did, his logical mind turned off. That he turned to physical violence after break up, had I remained with him, that violence could have been turned on me.


----------



## Penny

romantic confession: i hate pointy shoes, especially on guys. i could never go out with a guy that wears really pointy shoes. like certain cowboy boots or dress shoes are kind of pointy. i dont know why I just have a major aversion to pointy footwear. lol. like a softly rounded but triangularish toe shape maybe slightly tolerable but in general, just no to pointy shoes.


----------



## jerica

Veggie said:


> If my research is correct, than I'm a really weird INFJ. And he's a really weird ESTP. And we totally fit some socioeconomics bill (I hate that typology system over all others lol). I kinda want to start a thread about this, but I feel like I would just get responses on how power dynamics just are, as opposed to what they could be.


Are is tangible, could be is abstract. A person can live the first, another one, both.
What they could be, is beautiful.

I´m having a romantic crush on a boy who is working as a cashier at our local food store. His eyes are so full of passion, it makes me sort of scared what that veil of passion hides beneath.


----------



## blossomier

It's so heartwarming to spend some time with the person you like and do random stuff. I'm not even saying sexually. For instance, when the person lies down on your lap... you two talk about a lot of things... there's music playing on the background... and you feel good around them. It feels natural. As if it was meant to be.


* *





I feel cheesy writing this, lol. Anyways, things are moving smoothly. Soft hours: OPEN.


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## dulcinea

I thought I'd write this as form of an encouragement to shy, geeky, kinda awkward men.
I absolutely find it adorable!
Before my husband and I dated, we were friends for a bit, and he struggled with overcoming shyness about asking if we could start dating. I find stuff like that to be incredibly cute, and I can't possibly be alone in that sentiment.


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## Purrfessor

Faery said:


> I know he really likes me when he eats my burnt dry disaster muffins from hell (and insists they're not bad) and tolerates my guilty pleasure trashy reality TV shows.


I really hope that waz literal


----------



## Squirt

dulcinea said:


> I thought I'd write this as form of an encouragement to shy, geeky, kinda awkward men.
> I absolutely find it adorable!
> Before my husband and I dated, we were friends for a bit, and he struggled with overcoming shyness about asking if we could start dating. I find stuff like that to be incredibly cute, and I can't possibly be alone in that sentiment.


I feel this way as well. Although with my husband it kind of backfired because I interpreted his shyness as actively disliking me, and so when he finally asked me out I was taken by surprise.

So, if you like someone please don’t deliberately ignore them, or they might think you hate them.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Pif "you haven't eaten today, have you?" 
Me "no, it's too hot. I really can't. It's fine." 
Pif "would you like chicken thighs?" 
Me "maybe?" 

I've now had food today. It was pretty good. Very sweet. I do genuinely find this romantic because he noticed something, and i was genuinely fine with just not eating (it's seriously too hot right now. The idea makes me nauseous), and found something i would eat then proceeded to cook it for me when I genuinely didn't mind just not. 

He's really sweet <3


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## impulsenine

What a sexy mind ass! How can you not instantly fall in love?


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## Lunacik

[redacted]


----------



## Lunacik

[redacted]


----------



## Nannerl

I remembered this guy that fell in love with me while I was at the hospital. He was visiting his brother and, as a response to my scepticism towards his feelings, used him as an example to convince me that my illness was not an issue, that he had experience, patience, love (...); and I kept calling him "crazy" (ironic, I know) because he had "no idea".
In my defence, I was really bad back then, I was very young and his experience was with depression only (plus, I was a complete mess, come on. The nurses were a better option in every thinkable way), but I now know why I actually rejected him. He was so open and completely willing to try it out with me, that I got scared. I always get scared. It's like I think I'm unlovable...
Anyway, I hope he is happy now.


----------



## blossomier

Uh, so, I told my crush that I'm into him. It's mutual. We're taking things slowly, which is good, because we still have to see each other more times (we've been on four dates only). I won't wait too long (like, a semester or something LOL), but I definitely can wait a couple of months. Things are moving smoothly, as I posted here before. We communicate a lot and we're very open. I'm really positive about this. And even if things don't turn out the way I want to, at least it's been a lovely experience. _It's been a healthy one._


----------



## mia-me

blossomier said:


> Uh, so, I told the guy my crush that I'm into him. It's mutual. We're taking things slowly, which is good, because we still have to see each other more times (we've been on four dates only). I won't wait too long (like, a semester or something LOL), but I definitely can wait a couple of months. Things are moving smoothly, as I posted here before. We communicate a lot and we're very open. I'm really positive about this. And even if things don't turn out the way I want to, at least it's been a lovely experience. _It's been a healthy one._


Way to go! I'm cheering for you. Sometimes, even two healthy people can have an unhealthy dynamic so regardless of the health levels of the individuals, what matters more is the health level of their dynamic.


----------



## Faery

.


----------



## horseloverfat

Was thinking about the girl I scared off by coming off too strong. I don't regret anything I did, just that I wish we had actually met in person to talk about it. I think I'm gonna be like steve in American dad and wait until my mid to late thirties when I'm making at least 90k so that I can just sleep with women who want the money. Wait for women to chase me, not the other way around. Young women just want confident, attractive (i.e older) guys, and older women are too afraid to make a move. Women you like see you as weird, and men see you as a simp. Monogamy has turned into inevitable divorce, and polyamory is too difficult, polygyny is still illegal. People are too afraid of each other to make anything real work anymore, all they want is a situation where they don't have to see the person the next day.

Dating in the workplace, friends, at meetups, has all become taboo. Women rarely get asked out anymore, and men are afraid to show interest in anything remotely sexual. The economy and pandemic have made this all even worse.

Thus the reason the population of japan and some other westernized countries is decreasing exponentially, birth rates are declining and virginity as well. While online dating has made it easier to meet others, it's also made women the selectors too much, giving them too much choice and it makes it extremely difficult for men to keep some sort of relationship going. Relationships in this modern age are too difficult otherwise, courtship is now seen as weird and chivalry, dead.


----------



## horseloverfat

I think mckenna's lecture is a great way of viewing this problem and ways to solve this. A possible way to solve this problem is to let nature takes its course without interfering. Let the gender ratios return to a natural state, women in many species are the majority. However human interference has led to men becoming the majority in countries like china and India, leading to frustration among men. The natural ratio for a species in population-growth decline is closer to 2:1 or 3:1 but the preference for men among many parents is causing problems with that. Female fetuses are aborted, and women who aren't in many countries are arranged with men with means. In the west women still have this hypergamous view although not enforced, and are less willing to marry men without money or higher education. Many women have impossible standards to meet. Leading to the oft youtube comment I see "Dating is like shopping for women and like a job interview for men". So in this new world of equality, I think man and women should be more willing to date people not equal to their high standards.

The stigma around nonmonogamy must be eliminated. There must be legalization of polygyny and polyandry again, and to allow people to mate with anyone they want. Women should take the role of initiators more if they truly want equality. This will do away with the nuclear family, children are instead taken care of by the extended family and community rather than always by the parents. A return to smaller community living rather than city living I think will come about. People will marry others within their community, and sometimes outside. For men divorce will no longer become a fear. If there's a falling out between two people, the men will have other mates. Women can then not fear being locked into relationships with men who control their lives since men don't need to control anymore. Bisexuality will become more common so people can express their sexuality more openly. Men and women within a community are able to date more freely as they get to know each other, rather than have to swipe on apps or hit on random women in public. The division between platonic and romantic relationships, faulty at best will start dissolving. When you date within a community where you know everyone, sexual assault will decrease largely. 

Men and women who might be socially adept will be socialized in coed groups. They won't be relegated to the internet or nowhere at all. So it will become easier for them to find mates for them as well.

These demographic changes will correspond with economic and cultural changes. The abandoning of large cities to smaller communities. The decrease in the importance of monetary relations, and the post-capitalist stage, which will lead to a more socialistic society. The gift and barter economy will become more prominent as it already has.


----------



## Lunacik

I don't know...I should probably stop bothering.


----------



## Lunacik

nvm


----------



## Crowbo

This may sound too unrealistic but to be completely honest, I want my first relationship to be the endgame. I'd prefer the first woman I fall in love with to be the one that is my ideal life partner. I truly want to get things right the first time but if I don't, that's okay because I know I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

The guy I’ve been literally dreaming about for nights on end is going to a party that I’m going to! I’m so excited to see him. I hope he stays at the party long enough. I need to be able to read what’s going on with him. I feel like I’m in a black hole. 

I don’t know how to act though because I don’t want our friends to talk about us. They were talking about me and my late husband when I merely patted the couch for him to sit down by me. I didn’t even have a crush on him then! His tireless hospitality was just stressful. Such a sweetheart. I miss him. So I don’t want people saying stuff about me and this other guy! The last time I had a huge crush on him (before my husband) they let him know, I’m sure, but nothing happened. Maybe he was/is looking for the “perfect” girl. I don’t even care. I’m quite imperfect and have a fatally wounded heart. I just want to ride him. I think it would heal me a little. But I don’t think I can approach him about my feelings or anything at the party. Too many eyes. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to share a close embrace. I keep imagining how I could hug him where the others wouldn’t see and steal a kiss on his cheek. He could even swat me away!

I’m so fluttery today, gasping randomly and twitching. I need this high. Even if I get rejected, it won’t be that bad. The grief waves will return soon enough. Those are way worse.


----------



## impulsenine

Crowbo said:


> This may sound too unrealistic but to be completely honest, I want my first relationship to be the endgame. I'd prefer the first woman I fall in love with to be the one that is my ideal life partner. I truly want to get things right the first time but if I don't, that's okay because I know I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way.



There are too many variables that you can't predict (when you don't have experience, some cannot be predicted no matter experience) and there are others that you can't control. 

You can create a relationship and change your desires/goals in life in a year or maybe 5 or 10 or your partner changes them. 
Compromises can be made, but it is not recommended. 

There must always be a limit to attachment/dependence on the life of another. _"If you take this decision, I have to take it to_o" is something that is no longer fashionable today and it's good that way. 

I wish you much success, but it is almost impossible to know what you want without experience.
The best advice I can give on this topic is: be careful not to fall into this trap.


----------



## impulsenine

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> The guy I’ve been literally dreaming about for nights on end is going to a party that I’m going to! I’m so excited to see him. I hope he stays at the party long enough. I need to be able to read what’s going on with him. I feel like I’m in a black hole.
> 
> I don’t know how to act though because I don’t want our friends to talk about us. They were talking about me and my late husband when I merely patted the couch for him to sit down by me. I didn’t even have a crush on him then! His tireless hospitality was just stressful. Such a sweetheart. I miss him. So I don’t want people saying stuff about me and this other guy! The last time I had a huge crush on him (before my husband) they let him know, I’m sure, but nothing happened. Maybe he was/is looking for the “perfect” girl. I don’t even care. I’m quite imperfect and have a fatally wounded heart. I just want to ride him. I think it would heal me a little. But I don’t think I can approach him about my feelings or anything at the party. Too many eyes. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to share a close embrace. I keep imagining how I could hug him where the others wouldn’t see and steal a kiss on his cheek. He could even swat me away!
> 
> I’m so fluttery today, gasping randomly and twitching. I need this high. Even if I get rejected, it won’t be that bad. The grief waves will return soon enough. Those are way worse.


Behave as you wish, approach him and let him know that you like him and want him.
If this is true: you like it and you want it, there is no reason why you should not do it.

Fuck satisfying and appearing "_good_" in front of others and embrace living and doing what makes you feel good in front of you.
It is worth 1.000.000 times more.

You just have to give him signals and he should be a man and take the bull by the horns (or in this case: taking you by your thighs).

I hope you'll be satisfied by results !


----------



## impulsenine

If you don't tremble when he does this, move on. It's not what you need.


----------



## Lunacik

impulsenine said:


> I wish you much success, but it is almost impossible to know what you want without experience.


As much as I may not think highly of you, we at least agree in this one thing.


----------



## impulsenine

Hexcoder said:


> As much as I may not think highly of you, we at least agree in this one thing.


I believe that understanding and positive relationships between people are based on values other than "we think alike" or "agreeing".

A relationship of any kind is good when you do not agree with everything of that person. Then you evolve. Otherwise, if it just confirms what you already know, what's the point?

I do not agree that we must like/agree with someone in order to have a positive relationship with that person.

I think we can be very good friends with someone with whom we disagree 98%.

If 2% of that person makes us see something we couldn't see for ourselves or just makes us appreciate ourselves or life in general at least a little bit, we should be grateful.

I don't want people to think highly of me. I care only about results. I never had any obstacle in front of me because someone didn't think highly of me so it doesn't represent a focus of mine. Where people think highly of me, I'm useless. I need people to either desconsider me or don't take me into consideration at all to feel AWESOME. That's where there is an opportunity to blossom and shine.

It's a lot better to be underestimated than overestimated. That way you control the whole environment.


----------



## Lunacik

impulsenine said:


> I believe that understanding and positive relationships between people are based on values other than "we think alike" or "agreeing".
> 
> A relationship of any kind is good when you do not agree with everything of that person. Then you evolve. Otherwise, if it just confirms what you already know, what's the point?
> 
> I do not agree that we must like/agree with someone in order to have a positive relationship with that person.
> 
> I think we can be very good friends with someone with whom we disagree 98%.
> 
> If 2% of that person makes us see something we couldn't see for ourselves or just makes us appreciate ourselves or life in general at least a little bit, we should be grateful.
> 
> I don't want people to think highly of me. I care only about results. I never had any obstacle in front of me because someone didn't think highly of me so it doesn't represent a focus of mine. Where people think highly of me, I'm useless. I need people to either desconsider me or don't take me into consideration at all to feel AWESOME. That's where there is an opportunity to blossom and shine.
> 
> It's a lot better to be underestimated than overestimated. That way you control the whole environment.


None of this actually relates to what I said. I never said that's why I don't think highly of you. I just said I can at least give you credit in this thing.

Lol, "controlling the environment"


----------



## impulsenine

Hexcoder said:


> None of this actually relates to what I said. I never said that's why I don't think highly of you. I just said I can at least give you credit in this thing.
> 
> Lol, "controlling the environment"


I know, right?
You don't say?

Huh huh.


----------



## Lunacik

impulsenine said:


> I know, right?
> You don't say?
> 
> Huh huh.


...maybe try controlling that ego. It's a bigger battle.


----------



## impulsenine

Hexcoder said:


> ...maybe try controlling that ego. It's a bigger battle.


I don't know what you're talking about battles. It's a complete peace here.
I'm a man of light.
Complete PEACE

ZEN
😇

PEACE
Embrace the wisdom of peace and you'll taste its fruits
😋


----------



## Lunacik

impulsenine said:


> I don't know what you're talking about battles. It's a complete peace here.
> I'm a man of light.
> Complete PEACE
> 
> ZEN
> 😇
> 
> PEACE
> Embrace the wisdom of peace and you'll taste its fruits
> 😋


Yep...the usual pattern. Too predictable.


----------



## impulsenine

Hexcoder said:


> Yep...the usual pattern. Too predictable.


Awesome 
Do you know what's the best thing when you're at peace?
You don't give a duck about being predictable or not. 
You just do you without any expectation.

It feels absolutely fenomenal to be able to do that.


----------



## MsMojiMoe

moved to sexual confessions


----------



## Lunacik

Pssst @MsMojiMoe 








Sexual Confession Time


I think the best thing to have when you're a man in a period of experiencing sexually is this: an open relationship with a bisexual woman. Why? You can have a great time together. For example: clubbing together and making a contest: first of you who gets in bed with the hottest babe there win...




www.personalitycafe.com


----------



## MsMojiMoe

Oh man, I did it in the wrong thread…lol. Thanks hex. I will move it. SMH. I always do this


----------



## Lunacik

This is the cutest shit ever imo








😅


----------



## Lunacik

Socionics intertype relationships = fail


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

Party failure… He did *not* flirt back with me. He paid more attention to the cute pets. Such a fail. An utter failure.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Hexcoder said:


> Socionics intertype relationships = fail


Really, why do you say that? I'm married to my Socionics Activity partner and I think we do well together. (me: ENTJ, wife: ESFP).

Are you renouncing Socionics, especially intertype at all?  I mean good, because people are more complex than just their type.


----------



## impulsenine

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> Party failure… He did *not* flirt back with me. He paid more attention to the cute pets. Such a fail. An utter failure.


I don't see it as a fail.

You see that people often, when they don't know what to do, take refuge in babies or cats/dogs, they run from adults.

In any social context, when you see an adult paying more attention to a small child or pet, you need to make sure that it is not about any social discomfort he is running away from.

I say you shouldn't consider it a fail and try again.
Preferably somewhere without babies or animals around. Then you see exactly what a man can do, when he has nowhere to take refuge and is forced to deal with you.


----------



## Lunacik

I'm selective about my partners even during my loneliest times. I was reminded of this recently while discussing with a friend what I want in someone because he called me "hard to please." Not the first time that's happened. I don't think it's a bad thing though. I just know what I want--and frankly, I'm "the full package" myself, so I want someone else who is as well. I might want certain trait combinations that are rare also, but...I myself have those trait combinations. I don't really think it's unrealistic, considering I'm walking that walk myself.


----------



## mug_cake

My romantic confession is that I've liked lots of guys. But I didn't want to date or even sleep with them because they didn't meet my standards. The contradiction hasn't bothered me much either.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> Party failure… He did *not* flirt back with me. He paid more attention to the cute pets. Such a fail. An utter failure.


Maybe he didn't pick up on your cues. I'm often oblivious to when a woman is putting moves on me, and then friends have told me after the fact that she was.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

I have a really large age range with women (23-63, 20 years older or younger than me) because why not? I don't wanna limit myself when so few women are compatible with me anyways. Plus I never would've had my only relationship if I was picky about age, and I at least now have a little experience under my belt, even if it was just an ldr whom I only got to see in person once. I'd rather be pickier about other things that matter more to me I guess.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I called him up and told him I liked him. He was surprised—sometimes not the most observant guy! He said he hasn’t been in a serious relationship for a decade and has liked someone else for almost a decade. It sounds…so like him. I feel great though. He was flattered and admired my bravery. He encouraged me to not harshly judge myself anymore. That’s not going to happen anytime soon, but I appreciate the sentiment! It was good talking to him, as it always is. He told me silly stories of his travels. He goes all over the place.

I am now free to think about other things because I don’t have to guess anymore. I’ve never been the first to tell someone I like them, so I found the experience really empowering. I also asked if he was interested in a sexual, non-romantic relationship, and he declined because he wants to wait for it to mean something with someone special. I respect that. I still gave him booty call clearance though. I told him I would place him in the friend zone, which is slightly untrue. If I find someone else before he comes to his senses, or if he starts a relationship with his angel, he’ll stay in the friend zone. For now though, it’s up to him. I don’t have the burden of liking him in secret anymore, so I’m free. I gave him some advice and encouragement concerning his crush. Honestly, it’s more likely for him to finally get with her than for me to find someone else I like!

I guess I could have said I liked him and then asked him to go somewhere with me, but I didn’t really want that. I don’t want to date or be in a relationship yet. If I was in a relationship with him, it would only be so I could get him in bed. I don’t want that to be my motivation for getting into something serious, especially since he’s such a high quality dude. He deserves things I can’t give him, and he would only be going on a date with me. With my husband, I was looking for love, and so was he. It was fair for the both of us. He told his mom I could be the one after our first date, that sweetheart! We even went on cute dates to restaurants he didn’t like. We had such a good time! It’s going to be a while before I allow myself to not feel like the baggiest baggage that ever bagged.


----------



## NipNip

I can't fucking commit


----------



## Lunacik

Hexcoder said:


> It's difficult to imagine myself with anyone beyond a close friends with benefits type of thing.





Hexcoder said:


> I'm really not a romantic. I don't care about all those little relationship things that drive so many others into loneliness when they lack it. Being a "couple," or being a "family," just...IDK, fuck that prison cell, that isn't a life to me.


If I am not back to feeling this way again, I am very close to it.


----------



## Winter-Rose

My romantic confession is that everytime in my life I have to choose between two men, I don’t know why but they come simultaneously. 

Actually a romantic feeling was born with a friend just before I met my current partner. This friend asked me to move in with him and I was considering it. He didn't say "I love you", but it was obvious how much he liked me (he despises humanity, lol, while with me he was caring). 
Then I had love at "first sight" with my current partner. The funny thing is, he and I met because of my friend, he pushed me to write the post where I started to talk with my actual man. 
This friend doesn't know how things went thanks to his advice, we just stopped to talk some time later. I feel bad for him, but I know it's better in this way (How bad could it be for him to know that it was him who promoted my current relationship, otherwise he and I would be together now? It hurts a lot and makes you feel a dumb).


----------



## impulsenine

Winter-Rose said:


> My romantic confession is that everytime in my life I have to choose between two men, I don’t know why but they come simultaneously.
> 
> Actually a romantic feeling was born with a friend just before I met my current partner. This friend asked me to move in with him and I was considering it. He didn't say "I love you", but it was obvious how much he liked me (he despises humanity, lol, while with me he was caring).
> Then I had love at "first sight" with my current partner. The funny thing is, he and I met because of my friend, he pushed me to write the post where I started to talk with my actual man.
> This friend doesn't know how things went thanks to his advice, we just stopped to talk some time later. I feel bad for him, but I know it's better in this way (How bad could it be for him to know that it was him who promoted my current relationship, otherwise he and I would be together now? It hurts a lot and makes you feel a dumb).


When you have choices to make between people, it means you don't have to stop there. When in doubt between 2 men, the 3rd is usually the right choice.
Keep going further!


----------



## impulsenine




----------



## mia-me

I finally figured myself out, relative to romantic relationships. For sure, I'm an sp/sx.


----------



## SirCanSir

There has been a long time since my last relationship so I had the opportunity to reflect on a lot of things.

I was challenged in areas I was avoiding to touch / recognize, my lack of exposure to intimacy had made me comfortable with distance and avoidance to confront some of my fears and Shortcomings. I had been avoiding digging deeper into myself Where resided issues that had roots reaching In depths that went all the way back to my childhood.

Initially I thought it wasn't required since it felt safer to stay in the unknown being the person I was in the present, I thought I would just deal with potential issues if they arised and gain self awareness step by step safely that way. Because deep down I was afraid my views, beliefs and perception of self as well as my confidence would shatter in pieces. I had a vague idea of the burden I was neglecting so I also didn't want to go through that change while exposing someone else to the side effects.

But I wasn't aware of either how much unhealthiness my mindset was carrying already nor how that was already damaging both to me and anyone closely involved with me.

I've been working on my issues after pinpointing them for a while now, partly because self improvement is a natural focus of mine but also because I realized how unfit for closeness I am as a person, not due to my core personality but because of my upbringing and later unhealthy development to cope with certain issues.

But after getting a better sense of who I am, which still is an unfinished journey, I also was able to understand my emotional needs, how attraction works for me and why developing romantic interest and the right chemistry is an extremely rare occurance.

So I have been analyzing what qualities are the most beneficial to keep an eye for in order to find compatibility while at the same time building my understanding of how my own issues may affect others negatively and hurt them.

I've been telling my 'sx' needs to shut up all this time and wait for the moment I'd consider myself ready to open myself to opportunities and try again with someone else.

I'm not ready yet but I feel like I'm getting close, unchained and free of past disappointments and pain as I am, my heart is slowly opening up. When the time comes and the next interest hits I will already be aware of my limits and I won't push myself past them at others' expense.

I will be able to offer what I always could but was too afraid to. Not just my decisiveness, resilience, ability to preserve and push, protectiveness, care, some witty jokes, a couple of shared interests, and sexual pleasure. This time I'm going to be betting myself wholeheartedly. So atleast I don't want it to be a timebomb when I share it. 
I'm not ready yet but once I'm able to provide everything I am visualizing, then I'll stand up and accept those tough, emotionally demanding and yet totally worthwhile challenges again.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I've been enjoying this song because it was the song my late husband and his girlfriend were listening to in the car when they made out and he got to experience his first set of boobies. I think it's the perfect song for that, and it makes me feel really happy for him. My first teen experiences weren't quite so poetic! 






And I know the lady too! We've had coffee together, but I'm not gonna tell her about my man's fond memories. She should remain jealous and curious. He said he liked mine better anyway... 😉 


* *




OH MY GOSH!!! He was making out in his car to this song _BEFORE I WAS EVEN BORN!!!!!! _That is very funny.


----------



## Dalien

Wrong thread! LOL
I‘ll leave them though…


Folk/Rock






Hard Rock






Love them both.


----------



## Whippit

Dalien said:


> Wrong thread! LOL
> I‘ll leave them though…
> 
> 
> Folk/Rock
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hard Rock
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Love them both.


I know which this thread was for, I was thinking about posting these same songs.

Eh... I love girls and stuff.


----------



## Lunacik

I love you...you're my herzblut, the power source that gives me a life beyond mere existence...


----------



## daleks_exterminate

I hyper focused on a thing for 8+ hours and was just focused on that/kinda forgot about food. When he noticed, he made me food, and asked if i had water, and it was very sweet. <3


----------



## Queen of Cups

Nothing better than dancing barefoot in the kitchen on Saturday morning to cheesy love songs he finds. ❤


----------



## Supulupup

Morfy said:


> Let's see how this goes.
> 
> My confession: I never truly get over anyone I fall in love with. They're still a part of me and I still love them.


I have mistaken love with falling crazy over someones looks


----------



## Faery

It has been a year since I last saw him. It doesn't feel that long. I still remember his face, how he looked at me the last time before walking away. I miss him. I hope he reads this one day. I'll always love you.


----------



## horseloverfat

Everytime I try to get close they will push me away. The pattern repeats and repeats.


----------



## Squirt

There was a young woman who was hired for a short time at work, then fired in less than three months for having an expletive-filled meltdown in the bathroom after being reprimanded over her lack of professionalism one too many times. Yet, her voice was so soft and delicate, her posture so elegant, her face so angelic, that her short fuse was winsome and stole my heart.

I’ve never understood why anyone would be into a volitile female until I met her. One of those highly intelligent and eccentric ladies with a vulnerable/defensive complex, a sort of Harley Quinn in the making. It incited all these protective instincts in me, coupled with a mischievous desire for chaos. She was completely out-of-place, a square-peg-in-a-round-hole, a loose screw in the unforgiving machine.

That day when she made wispy, passionate complaints and pounded the keyboard with paradoxical force after the computer errored out on her, totally oblivious to the discomfort she was causing customers - it still makes me smile. What a lovely disruption.

If I were a young bachelor, I would have gone for a whirlwind affair that would surely have ended in spectacular heartbreak.


----------



## NipNip

I am looking for someone to escape with - into the woods, a faraway country, wherever - but I don't know where to even start looking for such a person.

I think that is the main issue of this particular 'niche' in society. We are _relatively _few people with a social and and intellectual and philosophical and creative agenda, but in _absolute _numbers we are still a massive bunch. It is just that two reds in a sea of greens is such a discouraging ratio that we give up looking altogether.


----------



## horseloverfat

NipNip said:


> I am looking for someone to escape with - into the woods, a faraway country, wherever - but I don't know where to even start looking for such a person.
> 
> I think that is the main issue of this particular 'niche' in society. We are _relatively _few people with a social and and intellectual and philosophical and creative agenda, but in _absolute _numbers we are still a massive bunch. It is just that two reds in a sea of greens is such a discouraging ratio that we give up looking altogether.


I'd escape with you but only after this society falls apart. We need some guns which I can get easily, some ammo, food, water purification tablets, and the 5th season of rick and morty. My uncle is kinda prepper so we can use some of his stash.


----------



## NipNip

horseloverfat said:


> I'd escape with you but only after this society falls apart. We need some guns which I can get easily, some ammo, food, water purification tablets, and the 5th season of rick and morty. My uncle is kinda prepper so we can use some of his stash.


Is your uncle South Park's Uncle Jimbo?


----------



## BenevolentBitterBleeding

this dynamic is relationship goals


----------



## Eu_citzen

Faery said:


> It has been a year since I last saw him. It doesn't feel that long. I still remember his face, how he looked at me the last time before walking away. I miss him. I hope he reads this one day. I'll always love you.


You remind me of an ex, amusingly. Anyway, don't we all have people like that? 
I like to think it's proof we've been _alive _- and actually _lived_.


----------



## Percy

I'm emotional. If I love, I need to express feelings (hugs, kisses), if I'm offended I'm getting angry, and need hugs more, lol.


----------



## Lunacik

I miss you like crazy...I can't wait until you're back. One more day...


----------



## WickerDeer

edit: Sometimes I think I never want to be in a romantic relationship again.


----------



## neutralchaotic

I feel like the physical embodiment of Cater 2 U by Destiny's Child. I don't really care either way when people I care for do things for me, but damn...there's nothing like a romantic interest to make me want to do EVERYTHING for them.

Of course, I restrain myself--but it feels so natural to me. I don't want people to "want"....this is probably something a therapist should be hearing.


----------



## NipNip

My age range practically covers the full scale


----------



## Negotiator

It still amazes me how one day you're strangers, and the next you're (planning) a family.


----------



## Queen of Cups

Never underestimate the subtle art of unashamedly flirting with your spouse


----------



## horseloverfat

NipNip said:


> Is your uncle South Park's Uncle Jimbo?


no but similar. more like dale gribble+hank if they had a cloned son together.


----------



## WickerDeer

I read some little thing somewhere once, and it sort of stuck in my mind. It was about how differences can be good in a relationship.

Because if both people are devoted to mastering the same thing, they could become competitive about it, or they could harbor harsher judgments of the other (since they are both trying to develop themselves and act as masters).

I wonder if I'm just overthinking it.

I guess an example might be: two CEOs in a relationship might find solace that they both understand each other's lives, but they might conflict in how they approach things, since they have both refined their own approaches. They might be judgmental or even competitive on some level.

I imagine it can work, but I wonder how being too similar doesn't work too.

I don't think it's a rule--there are homosexual people and heterosexual, maybe there is also some kind of range of people who are attracted to/harmonious with people who are different vs. similar. Probably there is a sweet spot.


----------



## WickerDeer

I think there's a desire for familiarity that I have, which puts me off when I interact with new people. I've got no problem meeting or talking to people, and I like to learn things from them.

But when it comes to the idea of intimacy, I don't feel comfortable with the unfamiliar. I don't find it attractive. At least when it comes to the way one opens their eyes, the micro-expressions etc. I just find it all off putting. 

Even in a relationship, a person can start to feel like a stranger...someone I knew for years. And to me that's a turn off. Even after a few days of absence, if I've been seeing them daily, I start to get this sensation that they are now a stranger again. Like recurring amnesia. 

I don't know wht this is. But it makes dating so unbearable. At the end of the night I almost always have to just say no. I don't know you. You're not my true love. It was fun getting to know your entire life story but it's not enough.

Maybe I am chronologically displaced...like I should be married for like twenty years by now, so when compared to my non-existent True Love, this stranger I am just meeting is just another face in the crowd.

I never even got this poem, but for some reason I get reminded of it often, like right now:

*In a Station of the Metro by Ezra Pound*

_The apparition of these faces in the crowd; petals on a wet, black bough_


----------



## Faery

Where is the instruction manual on not missing someone you still love? I'm pretty sure thinking about them and their good qualities all fucking day and night isn't a chapter.


----------



## NipNip

Faery said:


> Where is the instruction manual on not missing someone you still love? I'm pretty sure thinking about them and their good qualities all fucking day and night isn't a chapter.


To find a replacement.

The issue isn't that these thoughts exist, but that they take an _active _form (even though they are essentially just fantasies). Finding someone else is just the way to make them passive (which is okay), since they would serve as a new object to project your present feelings on.

The two can coexist. We are not aiming to obliterate anything that is too strong. Just subdue, and that will happen spontaneously when you find someone to _actively _love.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I need to either stop flirting with men 30 years older than me. OR I need to become a connoisseur of attraction across the age gap so it will actually be perceived by them as such. No, I don't have daddy issues! My dad is cool and stable. But you know how some men in their 40s and 50s are just now figuring out who they want to be and going for it. I like that. 

But I like a lot of things.


----------



## Perlanthesis

I want to find someone that I can be open with.

I’ve been in like what only three relationships in my lifetime provided I’m only twenty one but I haven’t found the person I can be myself and feel comfortable with yet.

I mean I don’t have a lot of friends in general and it’s not that I have trust issues but I’m slow to warm up to people I don’t know. I want to be able to meet a person that I can tell silly jokes with, curse with when I’m in a bad mood, and just maybe be a bit of my sloppy self without them judging and condemning me twenty four seven a day. If I make bad decisions I’d appreciate they’d calmly point it out and talk it out with me to find a solution Instead of blowing up.
I’m just like any other person with flaws and a dash of very repressed emotional issues. My family is very judgmental and and that in turn to not be able to open up to them to the point I just hide under my blankets and cry otherwise they’re call me weak and useless for crying over minor things which to me isn’t minor.


----------



## NipNip

Perlanthesis said:


> I want to find someone that I can be open with.
> 
> I’ve been in like what only three relationships in my lifetime provided *I’m only twenty one* but I haven’t found the person I can be myself and feel comfortable with yet.
> 
> I mean I don’t have a lot of friends in general and it’s not that I have trust issues but I’m slow to warm up to people I don’t know. I want to be able to meet a person that I can tell silly jokes with, curse with when I’m in a bad mood, and just maybe be a bit of my sloppy self without them judging and condemning me twenty four seven a day. If I make bad decisions I’d appreciate they’d calmly point it out and talk it out with me to find a solution Instead of blowing up.
> I’m just like any other person with flaws and a dash of very repressed emotional issues. My family is very judgmental and and that in turn to not be able to open up to them to the point I just hide under my blankets and cry otherwise they’re call me weak and useless for crying over minor things which to me isn’t minor.


Very few people under 25 come to terms with themselves in such a way that I think is necessary for the type of relationship you are describing. I am probably only saying this because I am older: but you are _very _young. You will develop further, and your peers will. You may be slightly ahead of them now, but it is a never ending process anyway.

Also luck plays a big part in romantic relationships (as well as friendships). One day you may feel utterly hopeless because the situation just goes on and on - and just like that a chance encounter may turn things around completely in a snap.
There is no guarantee either way. And even though you feel like you 'deserve' it (which is something I am guilty of feeling), or put some effort into looking for it, it is nowhere near 100% in your hands.

_"What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load."
(A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes) _

The best you can do I guess is to continue working on yourself, for your own well being. Plus, you will be better prepared to connect with that someone in case the opportunity should come.

And as @Grandmaster Yoda once said to me: consider yourself married. There is no one out there that suits your needs, but consider yourself married in your mind.


----------



## Mark R

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> I need to either stop flirting with men 30 years older than me. OR I need to become a connoisseur of attraction across the age gap so it will actually be perceived by them as such. No, I don't have daddy issues! My dad is cool and stable. But you know how some men in their 40s and 50s are just now figuring out who they want to be and going for it. I like that.
> 
> But I like a lot of things.


I'm 57 (ENTP Male) and my SO is 27 (INFJ Female). We both keep each other laughing and can talk with each other about anything. If you are attracted to someone, don't worry about age difference.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Mark R said:


> I'm 57 (ENTP Male) and my SO is 27 (INFJ Female). We both keep each other laughing and can talk with each other about anything. If you are attracted to someone, don't worry about age difference.


I'm not picky about age, but damn........I'm 43, and I'd consider my age range 24-63. I had a gf who was 20 years older than me before. But my grandpa was 30 years older than my grandma.


----------



## WickerDeer

I don't think age matters once the person is physically mature (this includes the maturation of their brain because the brain is part of the physical body--not talking about what you see as their body).

To me, it doesn't matter what the age difference is, so long as the person is over at least 25 years old, because that is when the prefrontal cortex matures--like 25ish.

I can still be attracted to people in their early twenties, but I wouldn't want to have any kind of relationship with them, tbh because I think they're probably still maturing and don't know what they want in life. 

Not that anyone ever does--but I think most people are going to have a better idea after they are 25ish. I would also consider it a disservice to date someone under 25, because I feel like I know what I want, but I feel it's unacceptable to expect someone who's prefrontal cortex is still growing to know at that level.









The age your brain matures at everything — it isn't even fully developed until age 25


Neuroscientists are confirming what car rental places already knew — the brain doesn't fully mature until age 25.




www.businessinsider.com




.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

WickerDeer said:


> I don't think age matters once the person is physically mature (this includes the maturation of their brain because the brain is part of the physical body--not talking about what you see as their body).
> 
> To me, it doesn't matter what the age difference is, so long as the person is over at least 25 years old, because that is when the prefrontal cortex matures--like 25ish.
> 
> I can still be attracted to people in their early twenties, but I wouldn't want to have any kind of relationship with them, tbh because I think they're probably still maturing and don't know what they want in life.
> 
> Not that anyone ever does--but I think most people are going to have a better idea after they are 25ish. I would also consider it a disservice to date someone under 25, because I feel like I know what I want, but I feel it's unacceptable to expect someone who's prefrontal cortex is still growing to know at that level.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The age your brain matures at everything — it isn't even fully developed until age 25
> 
> 
> Neuroscientists are confirming what car rental places already knew — the brain doesn't fully mature until age 25.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.businessinsider.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .


I stand corrected. I thought the age was 24. Then my age range is 25-63.


----------



## Whippit

WickerDeer said:


> I don't think age matters once the person is physically mature (this includes the maturation of their brain because the brain is part of the physical body--not talking about what you see as their body).
> 
> To me, it doesn't matter what the age difference is, so long as the person is over at least 25 years old, because that is when the prefrontal cortex matures--like 25ish.
> 
> I can still be attracted to people in their early twenties, but I wouldn't want to have any kind of relationship with them, tbh because I think they're probably still maturing and don't know what they want in life.
> 
> Not that anyone ever does--but I think most people are going to have a better idea after they are 25ish. I would also consider it a disservice to date someone under 25, because I feel like I know what I want, but I feel it's unacceptable to expect someone who's prefrontal cortex is still growing to know at that level.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The age your brain matures at everything — it isn't even fully developed until age 25
> 
> 
> Neuroscientists are confirming what car rental places already knew — the brain doesn't fully mature until age 25.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.businessinsider.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .


I was talking about this with my partner the other evening. My cutoff when I was dating was 26, but even then I was careful. I know when I was back on the "scene" I noted 18-25ish year olds just really were different, had way less life experience, seemed more susceptible to manipulation and to falling into a "mentor-mentee" romantic relationship, which to me seems pretty iffy in the power dynamic, definitely not a long lasting situation if you're looking for a long term relationship.

I actually can understand why a 20-something might want to be involved with an older person, there's some things to gain. But I feel like an older person should know better. It's not illegal, but it definitely doesn't gain my respect.


----------



## WickerDeer

Whippit said:


> I was talking about this with my partner the other evening. My cutoff when I was dating was 26, but even then I was careful. I know when I was back on the "scene" I noted 18-25ish year olds just really were different, had way less life experience, seemed more susceptible to manipulation and to falling into a "mentor-mentee" romantic relationship, which to me seems pretty iffy in the power dynamic, definitely not a long lasting situation if you're looking for a long term relationship.
> 
> I actually can understand why a 20-something might want to be involved with an older person, there's some things to gain. But I feel like an older person should know better.


That's really cool that you noticed that, perhaps even before the neuroscience evidence came out.

I got involved with a person who's about my age now (late thirties), back when I was 22, and I really don't think it was the best.

But I noticed that my analytical skills were still developing in my early twenties. I was kind of a late bloomer with being able to use logic and analyze efficiently, and so I was really much more susceptible to just failing at identifying fallacies, and...so that would also happen in the relationship where I'd just sort of not know how to argue my point.

Once I learned how to do that (I think it was part of maturity) I was better able to handle myself in disputes, to advocate for myself, and to be an equal partner. But that came in really late for me.

My true cutoff is probably more like 28 at least, but that's not something I think should be--it's just my preference.

When I see guys my age who say they'd date an 18 year old, I think "yuck" tbh. Because I do think the mental maturity is just not there.

And people say "well she's a really mature 18 year old" and you know what? It means when she's 25 she's going to be even more mature, and she's likely to realize how immature you are compared to other guys your age. Because that's what happens...maybe at 22 she thinks you're a super mature guy, but later she'll think you're a super immature guy when she's finally 25. So then just date people who are done developing, imo.

I don't want to date a guy who's going to later realize that I'm not the most mature woman 
(I mean lets be honest here...LOL), mentally--I'd rather he knows what he's getting into and that he uses his early twenties to develop as a person, to explore etc. I don't want to be part of that.


----------



## Whippit

WickerDeer said:


> That's really cool that you noticed that, perhaps even before the neuroscience evidence came out.
> 
> I got involved with a person who's about my age now (late thirties), back when I was 22, and I really don't think it was the best.
> 
> But I noticed that my analytical skills were still developing in my early twenties. I was kind of a late bloomer with being able to use logic and analyze efficiently, and so I was really much more susceptible to just failing at identifying fallacies, and...so that would also happen in the relationship where I'd just sort of not know how to argue my point.
> 
> Once I learned how to do that (I think it was part of maturity) I was better able to handle myself in disputes, to advocate for myself, and to be an equal partner. But that came in really late for me.
> 
> My true cutoff is probably more like 28 at least, but that's not something I think should be--it's just my preference.
> 
> When I see guys my age who say they'd date an 18 year old, I think "yuck" tbh. Because I do think the mental maturity is just not there.
> 
> And people say "well she's a really mature 18 year old" and you know what? It means when she's 25 she's going to be even more mature, and she's likely to realize how immature you are compared to other guys your age. Because that's what happens...maybe at 22 she thinks you're a super mature guy, but later she'll think you're a super immature guy when she's finally 25. So then just date people who are done developing, imo.
> 
> I don't want to date a guy who's going to later realize that I'm not the most mature woman, mentally--I'd rather he knows what he's getting into and that he uses his early twenties to develop as a person, to explore etc. I don't want to be part of that.


When I was younger I was more "open minded" about age gap. Love is love, what does age matter, etc. But eventually I learned, as time went on, what age matters. 👴 18, yuck indeed. I mean physical attractiveness is a real thing, but it shouldn't be the only thing.

Not romantically related. But I've been listening to a post cast about a tv-show done by an early Millennial couple, seem to be in their mid 20's. They're real polished, are smart, have good and studied senses of humor, are nominally urbane, live in NY. I might think they were my peers in experience because of their presentation. But after like 5 episodes, I realized they're babies, and often aren't speaking from much of a well of experience. It's not an immediate experience, mind evaluating mind.

Aside from that, I actually do like young people, and I actually respect them and definitely have something to learn from 'em.


----------



## Mark R

By the time women are in their late 20's have had some dating experience with men close to their age and maybe older. They know what they want more than an 18, 20, or 24 year old. I am in good health and my mom's siblings are all healthy in their 80's and 90's. I do want more kids, so it helps to have a young partner. I recognize that there is a greater chance of miscarriage due to my age.


----------



## WickerDeer

Whippit said:


> When I was younger I was more "open minded" about age gap. Love is love, what does age matter, etc. But eventually I learned, as time went on, what age matters. 👴 18, yuck indeed. I mean physical attractiveness is a real thing, but it shouldn't be the only thing.
> 
> Not romantically related. But I've been listening to a post cast about a tv-show done by an early Millennial couple, seem to be in their mid 20's. They're real polished, are smart, have good and studied senses of humor, live in NY. I might think they were my peers in experience because of their presentation. But after like 5 episodes, I realized they're babies, and often aren't speaking from much of a well of experience. It's not an immediate experience, mind evaluating mind.
> 
> Aside from that, I actually do like young people, and I actually respect them and definitely have something to learn from 'em.


Yeah--I find it humbling when I meet a young person who seems to me to be more mature and intelligent than I am--mature as in...idk...maybe the direction I'd like to go in. And it's not uncommon.

I sort of wonder if that's how it works though--because they can learn from our mistakes and learn from the generations before them (and benefit from some of the advancements).

But if I'm going to be demanding or expecting things, I think it's better with a man who is old enough to really know if he can meet those happily, which is likely someone my own age. Someone who actually knows what he wants.
Someone who can enforce his boundaries healthily.
Because romantic relationships are demanding and if I'm going to want something from someone, I'm going to want them to be able to assess whether they can meet that, and whether it's really what they want.

Ideally, I'd want to date a guy my age, but I don't know--I hung out with a guy who was two years older than me recently, and I was like "wow...this hasn't happened for a long time."

I probably spend a lot more time with older people just because I think they are more active in activities I'm interested in. Like there's not a ton of night life here and I don't like going to bars or anything, so I might go on a docent led walk to view some Native American sites, and then everyone there is basically white haired and twenty or thirty years older. Because they are retired.

Idk maybe I just had the preferences of an 80 year old most of my life. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## horseloverfat

Years ago I rejected a girl from tinder because she lived across the border and I didn't want to cross. She was a bit overweight however and I wasn't that physically attracted to her either, we were a little too similar. I felt bad about it, and now that I feel the same thing happens to me I have become bitter about it. I despise this society for a multitude of reasons but the superficiality is the main one. Everyone is that way though.


----------



## Mark R

horseloverfat said:


> Years ago I rejected a girl from tinder because she lived across the border and I didn't want to cross. She was a bit overweight however and I wasn't that physically attracted to her either, we were a little too similar. I felt bad about it, and now that I feel the same thing happens to me I have become bitter about it. I despise this society for a multitude of reasons but the superficiality is the main one. Everyone is that way though.


"Ugly" isn't just a society thing; it is biological too. Our brains tell us to find the attractive and avoid the ugly. Being overweight and out-of-shape is something we can do something about. I lost nearly 100 lbs. four years ago and have kept it off. It isn't superficial to become the best version of yourself and attract others who have become the best versions of themselves.


Whippit said:


> When I was younger I was more "open minded" about age gap. Love is love, what does age matter, etc. But eventually I learned, as time went on, what age matters. 👴 18, yuck indeed. I mean physical attractiveness is a real thing, but it shouldn't be the only thing.


There has been some research that young people are more judgmental of age gaps than older people. I think there is more pressure to choose partners for the right reason when there is an age gap.


----------



## horseloverfat

Mark R said:


> "Ugly" isn't just a society thing; it is biological too. Our brains tell us to find the attractive and avoid the ugly. Being overweight and out-of-shape is something we can do something about. I lost nearly 100 lbs. four years ago and have kept it off. It isn't superficial to become the best version of yourself and attract others who have become the best versions of themselves.


I know, I never said I liked the biological being either. I play by the rules but it doesn't mean I have to like them. You have to ask what kind of place do you want to live in. Where we judge others by how they look, act, believe, or a place where we must conform to what we are expected to be?


----------



## Mark R

horseloverfat said:


> I know, I never said I liked the biological being either. I play by the rules but it doesn't mean I have to like them. You have to ask what kind of place do you want to live in. Where we judge others by how they look, act, believe, or a place where we must conform to what we are expected to be?


Once there is a a basic attraction (looks), potential sexual partners are judged by how they act.


----------



## WickerDeer

It's so tiring to hear people talk about their values like they are objective. 

I get tired of hearing about it in context of relationships. And kind of cranky.


----------



## Crowbo

I love being single.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Crowbo said:


> I love being single.


It beats being with some undesirable or semi-undesirable just to have a "SO".


----------



## blossomier

So, I had a situationship with this guy for around 3 months.

I think it was the first time I actually fell in love with someone. It was more than a crush or just liking someone. And when I confessed I was into him, he said it was mutual. We were super compatible and alike. Our personalities matched perfectly and I definitely wanted to pass the 'situationship stage', but he didn't want anything more after a while. I cut it off. I didn't want to casually date him; we were a great fit, but he wasn't feeling like I was the one he wanted to commit. It hurt as fuck, lol, but I'm glad he told me and didn't stall for more weeks.

But, seriously, I never felt like this before. Like we were this perfect match. Well, I'm still young, more men will come. After a while I denied 3 other guys... not only they weren't my type, I still was falling for that guy. rip

I'm just happy that I experienced a healthy situation with him, even though he didn't want to commit. He was amazing.


----------



## neutralchaotic

The age discussion is interesting.

I've had an ongoing conversation with a friend (we're both mid-20s, them older) about our discomfort with dating younger people. I haven't been able to get it out of my head, but more than a year younger just leaves me feeling unsettled. Those 'put you on a pedestal' tendencies just start to creep in, and I vehemently detest when others don't see me as equal to them--especially as a romantic interest.

One of my friends is dating someone younger than them (not quite 3 years), and they're struggling to deal with that mental block. Not that it's morally wrong or illegal, since they are both in their 20s, but it's just off-putting for them. I've always known that I couldn't handle that--either my age or a few years older is the way to go, imo!


----------



## BenevolentBitterBleeding

I've never been in a healthy relationship because I've never been healthy.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

I have nothing to confess other than kisses are good and come 'a plenty. 🙂


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Well that is to say I have nothing new to confess. 😛


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Okay well I confess I like giving kisses to good girls. 🙂


----------



## Scoobyscoob

When it comes to family, I don't let unhappiness of non-family influence my affection for my fam.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Relationship, not romantic confession but:


----------



## Gossip Goat

This is more of a neurotic confession,

Given that my boyfriend has changed jobs and I know for a fact he works with really attractive girls, I've become very anxious and prone to thinking about a hypothetical and eventual breakup due to him falling in love with someone else. If that ever happens, it is what it is, but the prospect of that happening is still so terrifying and yet I still imagine it in detail. The build up, the conversations, the aftermath, etc. I'm "preparing myself" but I know I could never prepare myself for actually experiencing something like that.

Dating in the neocolonial world order is daunting, and yet I would still be persuaded by the likes of m*n


----------



## mia-me

At present, I'm so over romantic connections. The thought almost makes me nauseous to the degree of never again with anyone. This perspective will likely change in the future but not anytime soon.


----------



## blossomier

I'm interested in a new guy. He's another law student (the guy I was with for three months was a law student as well. Perhaps I have something with lawyers-to-be?)... and he's my type. (Not as in MBTI, I have no idea about his type, but my personal preference type)

He seems rather timid when it comes to flirting and dating in general. We're the same age. I'm still going slow and steady getting to know him, but... I wish I could just be blunt, lol. Unfortunately it could scare him. At the moment I'm not focused on finding someone, so I don't have issues taking things slowly.


----------



## WickerDeer

just more confusing bitter stuff


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I started a dating profile, but I put the "wrong" thing in my bio and got a lot of hits. Fortunately I got one hit who is normal.


----------



## mia-me

WickerDeer said:


> just more confusing bitter stuff


Missed the confusing bitter stuff but I think you're a beautiful person. Just relax and be you. It's enough or even more than enough for the right person.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I have two dates coming up next week, and I absolutely, 100%, only got the dating app for pain avoidance purposes during the holiday season. ...It's totally working though. I had someone to text and flirt with for the past couple of days. It was a grand distraction.

I hope these two guys don't actually like me though. I hope they raise some red flags when we meet so there won't be a second date. It would be in their best interest to not get involved with me since I'm just using them. I fully intend to let them know about my selfish motivations on the date so they can make informed decisions. But they're both convinced that they're naughty boys, so it might have the opposite effect!


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> I have two dates coming up next week, and I absolutely, 100%, only got the dating app for pain avoidance purposes during the holiday season. ...It's totally working though. I had someone to text and flirt with for the past couple of days. It was a grand distraction.
> 
> I hope these two guys don't actually like me though. I hope they raise some red flags when we meet so there won't be a second date. It would be in their best interest to not get involved with me since I'm just using them. I fully intend to let them know about my selfish motivations on the date so they can make informed decisions. But they're both convinced that they're naughty boys, so it might have the opposite effect!


F online dating!!! F it all! 

One of the naughty boys is too naughty for me and thinks that when we go on the date, I will already be choking on a particular body part of his. NOT romantic at all! I'm going to go on my date, just because I'm curious, and then I'm getting the hell out of there! 

The way I would flirt with friends or acquaintances is NOT how I should EVER flirt with strangers!! Very poor results. I'm just going to flirt with actual friends and acquaintances now, not these random dudes. 

And it's no longer pain avoidance! I've stressed about it so much that I have a big, gorgeous pimple between my eyebrows. It's impressive, and hopefully a big turn-off.


----------



## WickerDeer

I think maybe I should explore what the concept of marriage meant to me. I think that as a kid I did value marriage, and I think I still do. But it's not the same as a lot of people seem to conceptualize it.

I guess to me it's about monogamy and being sure you want to be with a person--rather than a means to an end, or family or whatever. It is just an expression of commitment and intentions.

It's kind of rewarding for me to accept this about myself--that it was something I valued the idea of. Even if I don't regret not being married--because I also think it's very specific to the right person and if I never met that person in my life, that's okay. I can still have that ideal or value, but without having it ever have been appropriate for my, individual life I've lived.

But it is nice to just accept one's feelings, even if they do not match what is realistic, or reflect reality, or will happen. Like even accepting I will never be married, if I will not, it is still better to also accept that part of me wanted to the right person.

edit: I remember reading this new age book where this lady had an imaginary husband or something--he was like some spirit husband. I guess maybe that's her animus or something--but I think I sort of relate to that, because a lot of understanding or at least a sense of peace can come from just exploring one's self, and the landscape of one's own mind and dreams, even if it isn't really ever going to mirror reality. Conceiving of the healthy version of the anima/animus can be healing I guess--I think that's what she was doing. I don't know if I'd go as far as her as she was pretty new age, I think. But I do think it's worth exploring dreams and feelings in imagination and fiction.


----------



## Crowbo

I don't care about romance anymore. I don't need a woman in my life to be happy and understand both my intrinsic value and the value that I can provide to the world. I'm so fucking done with society telling me that I'm wrong and broken without a relationship. Society is who is wrong, not me. I've been right all along.


----------



## pwowq

How am I romantic? I merely hug and kiss a lot. Do regular chores. I try give a heads-up if I'm going arsehole mode. I don't pressure her. I feed and pet and take of and think about our cat. I help out with her kids. I shout at her kids. I don't shout at her. I don't leave her hanging in confusion about where I am, how I am or why I am. I cook very good food (her opinion, not mine). She wants flowers and I never buy her flowers. Yet I'm the most romantic man she's ever been with. wtaf: what's wrong with the other men if doing daily necessary shit is considered romantic?


----------



## Goddessormortal?

My boyfriend dumped me and I'm afraid I'll never find anyone else who makes me feel the way he does.


----------



## Scoobyscoob

My gal is a good gal and her guy (me) is a good guy. 👍


----------



## Scoobyscoob

Also, it's getting harder to say anything about relationships here, because I start feeling like it might be used against me at some point. 😄


----------



## Scoobyscoob

I guess I'll say this as this was a topic of debate maybe about 10 years ago:

Some people like being shown common courtesy. It shows that decency isn't dead. So say with opening a door or keeping a door open for someone. Most women do actually like that and is appreciated by a lot of guys too.

Be the change that you want to see. 👍

#DadsHaveFeelingsToo

😄


----------



## letsrunlikecrazy

He gave me a scarf for Christmas. I don't wear scarves, but I think I'll wear this one.


----------



## WickerDeer

This song is so ridiculously romantic






the song brightened my morning--just listening to it. Even though I think I am not likely to ever be married or have any kind of love--it's already been over ten years.

But man, this song is super cute.

Even if it's not something I experience, just knowing it exists--that people have this kind of life, is so sweet--it makes life more worth living.


----------



## Antiparticle

I realised I have a person in my life who can collapse years of building my self-confidence and identity with 1-2 sentences. Definitely not a good idea to give anyone that power.


----------



## Crowbo

Romance is overrated.


----------



## Veggie

I have a terrible habit of meeting guys when I'm not really ready to entertain anything. I woke up to 2 separate texts, and wasn't sure who I was responding to at first. Saving people's names would help ofc, but I'm a fearful avoidant dick like that, and I'm still not sure I'd remember who was who. I get asked for my number constantly, and usually just go along with it to avoid drama.

I'm still in love with my ex. We've accomplished friendship - which I've never really done before with an ex - but I recently learned that he's leaving the state. So OK. Really done now.

I appreciated the second text. This guy was in his 40's but looked like he was 25. So I deemed him Paul Rudd. He had the courtesy of reminding me of this fact. So okay, now I remember who you are without the supremely uncomfortable task of having to ask 😅

And he's since been saved as Paul 💛


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I symbolically got back on snapchat and actually checked it today. An old college friend (who has been through a flirty, but largely unsuccessful stint of online dating) posted on his story that he deleted the pretty girls off snapchat and left all the ugly dudes on there to motivate him. I told him I was happy to help motivate him, since I'm one of those helpful ugly dudes and not a pretty girl. We'll see what he sends back! _If_ he sends anything back. 

I asked him out 4 or 5 years ago when he griped about being a third wheel so much, but he didn't take my offer seriously and laughed at me. Dummy. I know I'm an acquired taste in the looks department, but I would have dressed up. I can be taken seriously when I dress up. Behind my baby face, I have a figure that means business. He should have just taken the money and run.

...This is a very romantic post.


----------



## Antiparticle

I realized my istp colleague has a crush on me.

I am moving away to a different country and he is moving away to a different continent, so now I think I like him back. (Yes, this is my attachment style.)


----------



## Veggie

Paul got pushy and preachy. But not so much so that I felt like he was a bad person. He asked me out in a nice way and paid for the date, too. He was upfront about the fact that he was going through some things. He was nice and supportive when I took that as an invitation to talk some more about my own things, even if he wasn't the best listener without having to constantly interject lol.

Long story, but we ended up watching New Girl at his house (not my idea, though I wasn't opposed). I figured that it was supposed to lead to sexual experiences, but I went anti-Samantha for once. They didn't happen. We exchanged legitimate hugs afterwards.

He told me that he thinks that I'm both mean and cute like CeCe and I'm still processing that.

Him being kind of douche-y though was sorta fun. I get to tap into my a-hole side too then to match it. I come alive and laugh at my own jokes.

I'm supposed to hang out with the guy I dated back in November now. He's the brutally honest Ryan Reynolds type I always thought I wanted until I met my super polite ex.

Our conversation reconnecting today was pretty funny though, and we agreed to just hang out as friends. My roommate situation has been driving me insane (and I've basically always lived with roommates! Most of those situations have gone swimmingly!) It's supposed to snow tomorrow here and I want different company.

My ex texted today too. Since the break up, I've usually been the initiator (he does quickly respond). Which is extremely out of character for me. But I'm trying something new, bc he's the first guy I've fallen in love with in like a decade.

But, so, he did this kinda out of character thing for him, and then just fell off the face of the earth, after I responded to it totally sociably.

Oy.


----------



## Veggie

Double post.


----------



## Veggie

I'm probably going to just turn my attention to whether or I'm team Jamie Lynn or Britney. It's a serious question rn.


----------



## Tripwire_Desire

leictreon said:


> I, honest to God, want to live with my crush and have children with her. I wouldn't consider having children with _anyone_, but she somehow makes me want that.


----------



## Veggie

The "just friends" meet-up def became more physically. Though we talked a lot too. I went over at like 8 pm or something and we stayed up together until like noon the next day. At one point we were like "are we best friends now? Should we just like go elope or something and say f it?" Mostly joking, but it felt like there was a grain of truth to it.

But then it turned weird when the girl he's been dating now texted him (he was upfront about the fact that this was happening beforehand). They aren't exclusive and I believe it, he even showed me some of their texts as proof. Ordinarily I'd never f*ck around with that if I knew that there were real feelings there, that it maybe wasn't an equal playing field and that I could be second choice. I'm not going to knowingly compete with someone. But I'm also feeling a lot more accepting of how attachment and investment work, even outside of monogamy, less egotistically butt hurt when it's there for someone else, and realizing that these things aren't necessarily about attraction and how one's value as a person has been judged alone. I mean, I'm still hung up on my ex, I try not to be a hypocrite. He knows all about that too. (I've never really been in that position before. The ongoing feelings of attachment. When I've broken up with prior exes we've been done done).

We texted more yesterday, and honestly, I still don't think I'm all about it anyway, regardless of the other circumstances possibly making it a non-option now. There are some things he told me that kinda concern me, that caused me to fizzle out and get a little avoidant in the first place. But then I have those things too, and you can't change your past. It was nice to have an honest bonding experience about them. Like, really nice.

But I still just wanna keep hanging out now anyway. Let it crash and burn if necessary. Live in the moment. Feeling kinda bummed in that we never really ever tried before he met this other chick. It could have been fun for at least a while, and I'm getting sick of always looking to the future, especially as I feel increasingly like I'm not even sure that I have one. The quality of conversation with him vs Paul was huge. Appreciating it more. He sorta reminds me of this guy that I fell very irrationally in love with at a wedding after a few days prob like, gawd, almost a decade ago now. And that's not something that I almost ever do. Fall in love. Cocky, a little obnoxious, but genuine and conscientious overall. 

He might have hooked me up with my next roommate too, learning the extent to which this current situation with a pastor's daughter is driving me nuts (partly because we are friends and I do like her, but ugh). She's a connection of his, and he gave her this glowing recommendation of me as a reference that was, just, aw. We've both since been in touch, and she seems cool. 

Went out last night to try to escape the feels, and this guy was hitting on me in a way that was making the entire bar laugh. 

We're sitting somewhat far apart, and he shouts asking me for my name. Then he starts playing wingman when it was pretty obvious that he was trying to impress me himself. "[Veggie] have you met Adam? His apartment smells of mahogany and he has many leather bound books." _Pause_ "[Veggie] did you know that Adam can count to infinity? He's done it twice now." _Pause_"[Veggie] did you know that Adam has a premium Netflix account?" 

We started legitimately talking at that point bc he'd worn me down (and the whole thing had become a barwide convo at that point too lol), and learned that we'd grown up like 20 min away from each other in another state and had graduated hs in the same year. He had the very specific references to prove it. 

He invited me to a party with them and I was like yea, you know, why not. Their friends were completely hilarious but wild. I felt so alive around them. I got several high fives and genuine laughs while I was there, and they were a hard crowd lol. 

I haven't felt really alive for months now. I keep giving into the shame and guilt that I need to grow up more, but you know what? I've been a better roommate to mine than I think that she's been to me. People agree when I give them the facts. I'm sick of feeling like I have to be perfect, only to want to explode later. This has been ongoing in my life, but really coming to a head now. 

Maybe I just need to accept that I sorta thrive in chaos if I let myself and embrace it more rather than constantly trying to purge myself of it or something. Or seeking the opposite feeling like I need it. 

What I need is happiness and stimulation. And not feeling like I'm living in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. You know, where the threat of disaster is always on the horizon, but never actually happening. Just give me the disaster. 

A therapist somewhere is rolling over in her grave.


----------



## Crowbo

The Romantic era has some of the greatest music ever crafted in human history.


----------



## Veggie

I kinda wanna ask if my ex wants to meet up before he officially leaves, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I'm thinking that he may have texted for that reason, though I could be wrong. He did end up responding to me, but I was on my snow day playdate then and didn't get back to him. Then I wasn't sure how to bc I felt like I'd let it go for too long. 

We have hung out since we've broken up. He came in to say hi when I was bartending, and we saw a couple movies together with some of our (prior) roommates. And he gave me the rest of his Adderall prescription, lol. We've apparently both been feeling a lack of motivation, and he told me that he'd gone on it to help, but didn't really like how it made him feel. I asked if he wanted to hand it off to me then, sorta joking, but he responded with yea, sure. (I wanted a prolonged test drive. I've taken it here and there from friends but never regularly. Think I'm finally going to a psychiatrist for my ADD. I've always coped through organization, but life is in total disarray atm. I need help in getting organized again). 

We met up for a drink so that it wasn't just some, like, weird drug deal. I stayed behind when he left, and the guys next to me were like "Date? Did it go well?" I told them no, that was just my ex, he was giving me drugs. They were like, wow, that's like a Hallmark movie 😅 We were told frequently that the way we met was like a movie though, and it still makes me sad. 

He found out the next night that his dad had been hospitalized for Covid, and he went down early for the holidays. We kept in touch more frequently after that, and he's since been released, thankfully. So I guess it's not fair to say that text initiation is something brand new or something, it was becoming a little more regular, even before then. But he said that the experience made him decide to go back home indefinitely. He quit his day job, and he's been finishing up his two weeks now. He has an orphaned niece back home who sorta sees him as a dad, too, and I know that's been weighing on him since before we got together. 

He really was my best friend throughout much of the pandemic. We were in a full blown turbo relationship (we moved in after 3 weeks of meeting and dating due to everything that's been happening) and it could be stressful. We wanted the same things for the future, but were basically living in a frat house (five dudes and me). It was fun, but not really conducive to figuring out how we both really operated as adults. It felt hopeful that there might be a reconciliation for a while (he moved out shortly after I did), that we could get our own lives better in order and then maybe try again. But I feel like my current situation has been impeding my growth rather than helping it, and I think that he's finally doing what he's felt like he's needed to do all along. 

I wish we could have just stayed together though. The guys weren't irresponsible. They cooked, they cleaned, they were successful professionally. Stunt men in the film industry down here who typically move in packs. The money can be good, but it's inconsistent. And unlike actors, they don't have agents, and have to rely on connections and networking for work. Good yet flexible boundaries were in place. (What really drives me nuts right now is how my roommate has these iron clad boundaries, whereas I feel apprehension at really asserting my own (her way or the highway?) She didn't even clean out my room before I moved in. Left up pictures of her family on my wall, and asked if I minded if she left stuff in my closet and drawers. That was an uncomfortable conversation. C'mon. Even the frat house didn't do this). 

Ex did tell me that he thinks that I'm braver than he is in ways, even though we struck up a conversation while he was showing a video where he was doing a backflip off an aircraft carrier. But I've come to learn that his risks are very calculated, and that while mine are to an extent, maybe not quite as much. I want to be seen as more stable, but it's so hard rn. I feel like I'm in pure survival mode. Like it hasn't even completely been my choice, though idk, maybe I just again need to embrace it and make it one. Consciously turn a self perceived weakness into a strength. There are things I could have been doing that I haven't done. They felt like giving up to me.

Here's to hoping that my 2022 horoscope is correct. It told me that I'd finally feel stable and be happier than I've ever been by the summertime.


----------



## WickerDeer

Amorous said:


> It's ok to feel this way WickerDeer. Heck, I think a lot of us feel this way too. I for one don't like the whole idea that there's a "hierarchy" of who's "allowed" to be together and that if you don't follow this, you're somehow either "lucky" (Because your partner is more "attractive" than you) or "settling" (AKA you could "do better").


Yeah I agree.

I think it's more like meddling--the larger community trying to decide who THEY think should be together, as if people are just prom king/queens to be elected. I see this happening a lot more with high profile relationships like celebs. Fortunately I've never been a celebrity, but I think to a lesser degree people also try to meddle in everyday people's relationships--projecting their OWN values onto other people. As if any relationship needs more stress, especially dumb stress from someone who thinks they know better what you should want in a relationship than you do.

I was just kind of venting/ranting yesterday--I guess I am kind of overly sensitive sometimes. It's hard to have thick skin and even well meaning comments can be annoying to me when they uphold a worldview I'm not really interested in.


----------



## WickerDeer

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> @WickerDeer I feel privileged to finally read a vent post by you before you delete it! (_if_ you delete it)
> 
> You aren't like "them." You are _you_! What would be the fun if everyone was predictable and the same? The people who want that are boring and not creative. You are valuable, and there are lots of losers out there who can't treat anyone right.
> 
> May the assholes in your life be cursed to read every word of the Bee Movie script 5 times, and may their partner leave them for a bee.
> View attachment 896354


Exactly! And I would totally leave someone for a bee.

It would be an unrequited relationship since obviously you cannot be physically intimate with a bee without it stinging you and dying, which would be tragic--I w ould never impose such a fate on my bee lover...

(ok I'm joking here and I'm not into bestiality or anything, just to be clear...not even bee-stiality.)

I just think people could stand to learn a lesson that people aren't just predictable like bees, and even bees probably do unexpected things sometimes.


----------



## WickerDeer

I love the wind.

I don't think it's some kind of kink or fetish, where I'd like try to have sex with the wind or something (sorry), but I just love the feeling of the wind on my body, and I find it so comforting that it's there for everyone, and that it's so powerful, as a force of nature, and idk...I just love it.

I am in love with the wind.

Tonight it seems like it might storm--there are clouds and the wind is blowing hard. I love me a good blow job, and the wind goes above and beyond.

(I just thought of Above and Beyond thought they don't have wind songs, but a song about the sea <3)


----------



## AnneINTJ

Morfy said:


> Let's see how this goes.
> 
> My confession: I never truly get over anyone I fall in love with. They're still a part of me and I still love them.


If I am no longer with someone I used to love, there's a darn good reason and I avoid seeing them socially (except by accident). I am lucky in that I have never been able to have feelings for more than one man at a time. It's possible I may pick up a good habit I'd found the person to have, so there may still be those parts of them with me, but I never give them free rent in my headspace.


----------



## Queen of Cups




----------



## SpeedTheRacer

I was criticized quite a lot for saying for expressing and saying how much I like this certain person where as surprisingly that has not really happened here that much so I guess maybe I don't sound so crazy obsessed and stalker like, but I don't really know for sure.

I really, really like this one person, I like them so much I don't really know why though, I was just thinking about them again and it made me angry and upset. I find that thoughts of them just generally wander through my mind at a pretty random and frequently basis without warning. I mostly just feel confused and perplexed by my feelings, but I believe in listening to your gut instinct and intuition and they keep just equally making me feel crazy. I just feel so desperate for their love and affection, I think of like romantic things I want to do for them all the time, there's like a thousand things I want to do for her.

It's so frustrating. I've never seriously been in love with someone before so I am not used to feeling things like this. I have thought about buying her something really expensive, like really expensive jewelry to attempt and shock her I guess.


----------



## SpeedTheRacer

Sher made this face at me, she did the whole scene towards me and she made this angry face that Rey makes at the end when she's looking down at him.









I know where she lives so I want to go there see if I run into her in public and do this to her all the time









And then well, I pretty much feel the same way that Ewan McGregor's character does in Big Fish, I have thought of so many things like sending her a bunch of flowers all the time but I don't know that is kind of extreme.

She likes to cosplay a lot, and I thought about getting photographs of myself taken by a professional photographer because I don't have very good photos of myself and I am considered good looking. I want to cosplay as Link from Zelda, and take a photo with my hands out like this
and also another photo of myself kneeling like Kylo Ren because that's a reoccurring theme in the movie









She knows what I look like but not super well and I just want to show her that I look like in an attempt to sway her yet again I guess. It's partially also because there was this really overarching and complicated reasoning and things that I wanted to explain to her that symbolically are related to Star Wars and Zelda but I don't know if it matters that much now.

I want an excuse to see her more in person so I would go to her town all the time and play music and live shows all over every chance that I could for a period of time just so I had a greater chance of possibly getting to see her and become famous where she lives to irk and annoy her but I know that she would come to a live show if I was there. And also, I am a virtuoso at the guitar and can sing pretty well I am going to pick up the keyboards soon and it shouldn't be that difficult for me since I am a three. She likes musicians I think so that's pretty good in my favor I guess. And then, if I got her address where she lives or whatever, I would send her flowers all the time or like I don't know something like that until she goes out with me. but I might stop, I don't know for sure I just can't help it I really like her. I have thought of lots of other things though it is kind of ridiculous.


----------



## SpeedTheRacer

She pretty much makes me feel this way and it made me feel a lot better like somehow I wasn't alone and maybe I am not super crazed stalker obsessed though he does become Darth Vader.

"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breath. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do?- I will do anything you ask. "

I feel the same way, the same exact way. I have said that to her a lot that I would do anything for her. I feel like she's in my soul tormenting me as well I realized that's the perfect way of explaining or describing it, I was so confused and lost unable to describe or explain exactly what I was going through but that brought more clarity then anything else has strangely enough. I told her that I'm going to become a successful musician then for sure and dedicate songs to her all the time, though I don't know how to that without being public about it. I guess telling her would be enough. I really do, I really feel all of this energy pushing through me out of some type of desperation to gain her approval and love back for some reason like I will die if she doesn't love me back.


----------



## gioh

Time to move on from you. Really move on. 
Your actions never match your words.
You only want me when you don't have me.
We have some major value clashes.
It sucks that I somehow still feel made from the same cloth as you, and that's what's making me have trouble quitting you.
But I'm going to. I'm going to post on this forum, and wherever else I need to, when I feel the urge to message or hear your voice.
Hope I'll be strong enough.
Still wish you nothing but the best but it needs to not be with me.


----------



## Veggie

I hung out with my new best friend again this weekend. It was weird how it came about. We hadn't seen each other since before I saw my ex. Though he did text when I spent my first night at my new house. (I have my current place until the end of the month, but my new lease started on the 15th, giving me some time to transfer everything over). We talked on the phone for a bit. 

I met this other guy out Saturday. We were having this really great political debate, and ended up finding a parking lot to get high in after last call to continue it. No hook up, just talking and hanging until like 6 am. I get home tho, and I'm like OK, I did not think this through. I'm feeling insomniac and paranoid, realizing I have hours of this ahead of me before anything opens or anyone likely wakes up. I was in party mode and didn't want to be by myself. I live this weird bipolar introvert-extravert existence, and I was in latter mode. 

The thought crosses my mind - "I can think of one crazy a$$ who might be up rn" - but no, we've never texted each other at weird times like that before, no, don't text him at 6:30 am on a Sunday lol. Swear to God. Literally an f'ing minute later I get a text from him. Hey, are you awake? He'd apparently had a similar night and the same thought lol. I asked him to come pick me up and said that we must have some kinda psychic connection. 

I'd been planning on trying to keep my distance from that whole thing bc of his connection to my new roommates - don't sh*t where you eat! - but it was just too strange, and I really wanted out of that house. (I've never been high around my current roommate either, and I don't think that she'd approve). I think we may be officially unofficially creating a FWB's thing now, but yolo lol. We affectionately called each other nutjobs and fell asleep shortly afterwards. Or, at least, he did. I'm a full blown vampire again and just kinda went into a twilight state for like an hour before I was up again. I know that annoys him 😆 He's referred to my energy as being like an adorable but annoying puppy at times lolol. Not in a mean way, and I've teased him for being whiny when he's tired, so it all evens out. And I can be annoying. I spent Friday with my girl friend and I know that I was annoying her too. "[Veggie] I need to sleep! Go to sleep!" 

But I finally went to the doctor today, and I have my own Adderall prescription now 🙌 I had my eyes on the prize, but felt a little shady about it. But he actually agreed that it sounded like a good idea when I told him everything that's been going on. Originally he wanted to put me on something else, so I got more brazen and admitted that I'd been trying some different prescriptions from friends for mental health, and that it had the most calming effect on me. I'm supposed to go back in a month, and then he might up the dosage and give me something for my panic attacks and insomnia too if they haven't gotten any better. 

Everything feels really uncertain atm, and I'm still hurting over my break-up a little (especially now that he's moved), but it's all looking up at the same time.


----------



## Amorous

I am poetically, an inconsistent man. One moment, I am filled with sexual passion and vigor, another moment and this same vitality I guard with upmost security.

When a man has so much power, where does he best direct its focus? Surely not romance or romantic love. Neither a lover or a fighter! That is, till Venus becomes jealous. "Shall he so defame me? This mortal man. Make him pay!" says she from above. Likewise, the thunder clap of godlike anger roars as War seeks to defile the blessings of Peace.

What is man to do? Take on the gods perhaps! Reign victorious to take the crown and then carve out into existence that which is rightfully his! Dominion! Over his heart, his soul, his destiny!


----------



## Purrfessor

Oh the romance. Not in ages. The closest thing I got to romance lately is talking to the voices in my head. But yeah I'm medicating so I shouldn't be doing that anymore. So what will replace the lost voices? My voice? Will I seek to be a creator once again? Writer? Or do I need more than that. Romance. Too bad I wear a mask everywhere I go. How am I supposed to get romantic like this? I think it's getting back in tune with my own inner voice that needs to be done. Not a good time to look for romance. Maybe something long distance. Yeah maybe. I never minded the distance before. In fact close feels... wrong. I'm not sure why. Maybe because of my spirituality I'm more of a guardian angel than normal.


----------



## horseloverfat

Purrfessor said:


> Oh the romance. Not in ages. The closest thing I got to romance lately is talking to the voices in my head. But yeah I'm medicating so I shouldn't be doing that anymore. So what will replace the lost voices? My voice? Will I seek to be a creator once again? Writer? Or do I need more than that. Romance. Too bad I wear a mask everywhere I go. How am I supposed to get romantic like this? I think it's getting back in tune with my own inner voice that needs to be done. Not a good time to look for romance. Maybe something long distance. Yeah maybe. I never minded the distance before. In fact close feels... wrong. I'm not sure why. Maybe because of my spirituality I'm more of a guardian angel than normal.


I fear we are the lost generation, maybe we will be found. Anyways hope you're doing well. Romance during this pandemic time is difficult anyways. I've noticed it's screwed up everyone's relationships.


----------



## Veggie

OMG. The craziest thing just happened.

Apparently there's a shortage of Adderall rn bc of supply chain issues, so I spent hours driving around looking for a pharmacy that had it before I just got pissed and went to a dive bar after the last one on my route closed.

This dude sits down next to me and we start talking. He apparently has a prescription for ADHD too, and advises me on where to go to get it filled. We joke about the synchronicity of that, and, ofc, he invites me back to his place. I ask him if he's with someone, he says yes, sort of, I say that I'm kinda talking to someone too. But I don't have a plan and am like 20 minutes out from my house. I say I'll come back for like an hour to continue our conversation, and make him pinkie swear it will only be about an hour of talking and nothing more. He laughs like, a pinkie swear? God damn. But he says it in a way that feels trustworthy, and I'm feeling reckless, but truthful myself. I'm leaving after an hour tops.

I'd told him the story earlier about how my whole life turned to shambles after this couple from NY bought my landlord of five years house. He'd told me about how he'd just moved here from NY about a year ago. 

He turns down the road to the community that I used to live in. I tell him hey! This is where I used to live! Can we drive by my last place for the sh*ts and gigs? I miss it there. I direct him through a few left and rights before he just kinda stops and gets a really weird look on his face. "You said that your landlord's name was [first name]?" "Yea, why?" "[First name] [Last name]?" I'd never told him his last name. We start to put two and two together, and then he opens the door to my old garage. He. Was. The. Dude. Who. Bought. The. House. I didn't live in a small town or something either, and the bar wasn't that close to the house. WTF. Not sure if this belongs on a romantic confession thread, but life has been feeling very synchronistic again, and that in itself is romantic to me.

We go inside and he shows me all of the renovations that he's made to the place. He's definitely more than just "sort of" with someone too, but we were beyond that at this point. Ubered home as planned shorty afterwards, but I still kinda can't believe it.


----------



## daleks_exterminate

Veggie said:


> OMG. The craziest thing just happened.
> 
> Apparently there's a shortage of Adderall rn bc of supply chain issues, so I spent hours driving around looking for a pharmacy that had it before I just got pissed and went to a dive bar after the last one on my route closed.
> 
> This dude sits down next to me and we start talking. He apparently has a prescription for ADHD too, and advises me on where to go to get it filled.


Oh god. I feel this. 

Old friend at work had it too and this happened so we took less and shared 🤣. I hope that gets better because it's rough without! 

Good luck


----------



## Veggie

daleks_exterminate said:


> Oh god. I feel this.
> 
> Old friend at work had it too and this happened so we took less and shared 🤣. I hope that gets better because it's rough without!
> 
> Good luck


I'm checking out the place he recommended now. If they do have it, then it's karma balancing itself out lol. It's so funny, bc this "couple from NY" became these sorts of villains in my mind, robbing me of my home and sending me on this perilous journey ever since.

So the revelation of, like, OMG it's you! It's been you this whole time! Suddenly realizing that I'm face to face with my mysterious nemesis 😂 He owes me!


----------



## Crowbo

Being on the autism spectrum makes dating and finding love way more difficult for me. I'm okay with that though. Nothing wrong with living life on hard mode.


----------



## WickerDeer

I don't agree with everything this guy says, but I like this quote and have been thinking about it for a while. 

"Being in a conscious relationship means having a huge responsibility.

The responsibility of facing your wounds when they come up, and not running away.

The responsibility of letting your partner in when it's easier to shut down and push them away.

The responsibility of constantly nurturing the connection with your partner.

The responsibility of being mindful of of your words, your actions, and how you treat your partner.

But this responsibility is not a burden. It is the greatest gift in life.

It allows us to truly mature, to truly awaken, and to remember that true love always includes sacred responsibility."

--LorinKrenn


I just realized he has a podcast--maybe will check it out later. I was just thinking of art/porn and the idea of sacred pornography. I am out of practice as I think being in a relationship gives much better practice than just thinking about them, but I think I want to check out some of his podcasts. I've only read the quotes like above, but I really like how realistic the perspective on relationships is--and not super idealizing nor disparaging. 









#69 Healthy Porn, Sacred Sexuality & Anal Play (with Cam Fraser) – The Lorin Krenn Podcast – Podcast


The Lorin Krenn podcast features leaders in the field of intimacy, relationships, and conscious sexuality. Next to interviewing others, Lorin records his popular 10-15 minutes solo-episodes that will radically alter your sex and relationship life. – Listen to #69 Healthy Porn, Sacred Sexuality...




podtail.com


----------



## Krakenless

I’ve had relationships and felt like I have been in love. But the one thing I always go back to, the one person I always wonder about, is someone with whom I only texted before we told each other we’re in love. It was an imaginary thing, this love. We did not know each other very well, we loved an idealised version of the other. But I am still hung up on that, wondering if this is what will happen to me, in the end. That I will not be able to find this all consuming burning love for a real human being…

I will be hung up on something imaginary and compare everything with it and find everything lacking. For when we finally met, I was repulsed. They were not what I had imagined (silly, I know) and also different in style from the pictures they sent. The whole evening went to shits, with me getting drunk. The next day I had hearing loss because I did not want to listen to them. It was horrible. And still, they are the one I think about, obsess about. While at the same time I know I would not be happy with the real person.


----------



## taixfai

When me and my future lover are going to be together I'm going to give her so many kisses and hugs and tell her I love her and just cuddle the h e c k out of her. Yeah!


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> I thought like early-mid 30s.


No, I just _look_ like it. Maybe you saw one of my pics floating around and thought that?


----------



## Eren Jaegerbomb

Flabarac Brupip said:


> No, I just _look_ like it. Maybe you saw one of my pics floating around and thought that?


Yes that's what I meant... 😅😅 Hey, at least you look young?


----------



## DOGSOUP

Eren Jaegerbomb said:


> When I was a teenager I had crushes on married men twice my age lmao. Whyyy.


Didn't experience that myself but I think that is kinda normal... like it is "safe" to crush on someone you cannot have. Same with idols and such.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

I have a mild crush on a woman. She works for the maid service and cleans my home sometimes. She looks about 45-50 years old, is blonde, and looks very nice. We chat when she comes over, and we get along well. BUT, last I heard she is taken, and I don't even know if she finds me attractive. 

Since I don't like the way her company pools together all personal tips for all the maids instead of just letting me only tip her or whoever else cleans my apartment that month, I instead tip her cannabis gummies. Shhh!!! Its still illegal here. teehee


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

Frack. I’ve been too friendly in my widowhood, and now an old codger who gets banned from Facebook all the time with two delinquent children might have a crush on me. I was just being kind to him because he doesn’t have many friends, and his delinquent kids grieve him. 

I get to choose my own adventure here. I can ignore it, acknowledge it and tell the truth, acknowledge it and tell only a few lies, or acknowledge it and tell lots of lies. I’ll choose to ignore it for the day.

Crap though. Is it time to find a mediocre date so other people will stay away just a little longer?


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Flabarac Brupip said:


> She looks about 45-50 years old, is blonde, and looks very nice.


Yeah, she told me yesterday that she graduated in 2000, 4 years after I did!


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

Online dating is going VERY poorly. I have tried to put my foot down at cats because I’m very allergic and get hives if I pet them, but there is a guy with two cats that is literally the cutest, handsomest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!! I can’t think of what to say to him at all, which is a first for me because I can always think of something to say! One can’t just outright tell someone that looking at their pictures makes one squeal. Anyway, I hate this. How am I supposed to filter all through these guys when it’s like I’m starving and have a gourmet banquet in front of me?? And probably none of them are even going to go anywhere! Ugh…

edit: I sweat through all my antiperspirant/deodorant in one minute, and I sent a message. At least I have nothing to lose! And he can put the compliment I gave him in his mental bank for when he’s having a low self esteem day.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

Well, we video-chatted, and he is NOT a catfish and is definitely super cute! I mean, even if he had bad taste in clothes, he would still look great. He is a delightfully normal guy who was humorous without trying to be, ButIWasSoNervous! I am trying to keep my expectations low so I don't get too disappointed...
"Sorry, I can't go on a date with you this weekend." 
"Sorry, I'm dating another girl, and I'd like to just focus on her." 
"Sorry, I'm freaked out by the widow thing." 
"Hey, can we just be friends?" 
"I don't want our date to be done yet. How about dinner?" 
"This was awesome, and I really like you. When can I see you again?" 
"This _was_ fun, _but_..." 
I have to be prepared to roll with it! This week is going to last forever... Good thing I can skate it away. 

I just need to go on one date. Just one! I'm bad at job interviews—am I also bad at first dates? I need to know and learn, so I need this guy to follow through and give me a chance. I hate feeling like I'm _trying_ to be liked. Gross! It's not _me_ to try to be liked. I'm not truly being myself! I don't try to put my best foot forward; I just walk because both feet are pretty good. 

Anyway, I'm so glad I matched with this dude! Certainly better than fretting over old codgers.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

codgers


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

Uh, the date was really good. I feel suspicious because we got along so well. But he is so cute I could eat him, tear him up with my teeth. It should be illegal to be that cute. I guess we made out in the car afterwards, but it didn’t feel like making out because it was so gentle.

Damn, the way he looked at me when we met and hugged… Such dark eyes. No blue-eyed man has ever looked at me like that. 

What was weird is that he smelled EXACTLY like a certain ex boyfriend. I mean EXACTLY. I don’t like the smell of that ex boyfriend because they’re my ex, and they were insecure and bad for me. It’s very confusing to have this scent again in my nose.


----------



## Mark R

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> What was weird is that he smelled EXACTLY like a certain ex boyfriend. I mean EXACTLY. I don’t like the smell of that ex boyfriend because they’re my ex, and they were insecure and bad for me. It’s very confusing to have this scent again in my nose.


Women can smell whether men are genetically compatible over a very limited number of (MHC) genes and will produce offspring with robust immune systems (proof text below). Men can be very different from one another and smell similar in this way. If it is a good smell, the man is genetically compatible. If it is a bad smell, then stay away.

Opposites attract: Compatibility's in the genes


----------



## Jamieboy

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> One can’t just outright tell someone that looking at their pictures makes one squeal.


Im pretty sure you can, but maybe that's just me, I have often found that delivering a compliment like that, as long as it comes across as sincere and usually delivered as a confession goes over well. Good luck with your dating, but do try to remember, he's just a man, with all the usual hang ups and insecurities. 

Im sure he probably feels the same about your pictures, he's just trying to be cool and scare off the deer 🙂


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

After the second date, I don’t think there’s really a spark! But it won’t hurt to plan a third date. It’s probably good for me. Imagine how relaxed I’ll be when I start dating The One 2.0! I don’t think I’m leading this guy on. He hasn’t caught substantial feelings. If he had substantial feelings, so would I.


----------



## UpClosePersonal

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> After the second date, I don’t think there’s really a spark! But it won’t hurt to plan a third date. It’s probably good for me. Imagine how relaxed I’ll be when I start dating The One 2.0! I don’t think I’m leading this guy on. He hasn’t caught substantial feelings. If he had substantial feelings, so would I.


I usually dated a person 3 times because I felt that you need 3 dates to really judge.

But that wasn't true in retrospect.

The last person I dated was so easy to talk to and I enjoyed her company so much that it was only natural for us to go on seeing each other. We never ran out of conversation and never was it awkward. Every date was fun.

Whenever we dated, people seemed intrigued by how well we were getting along. One time a guy rolled down his window in a parking lot to tell us he'd never seen two people looking so happy together. We dated for 4 years and we only stopped because she wanted to get married and I told I didn't want to marry her.

My point is, that you'll know beyond a shadow of a doubt if you've met the person you want to go on seeing.


----------



## Wolf

hetero male here

I frequently hear from new folks I meet from all genders that they thought I was gay, not sure how to feel about it yet.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Wolf said:


> hetero male here
> 
> I am routinely told by friends and acquaintances of all genders that they think I’m gay, not sure how to feel about it yet.


I was "gay" before too. What made me "gay"? Things like having long hair, having no girlfriends or girl skills, being "weird", non-stereotypical, and hard to understand. People are stupid.


----------



## eeo

Wolf said:


> I am routinely told by friends and acquaintances of all genders that they think I’m gay, not sure how to feel about it yet.


How would you feel about getting new friends and acquaintances who respect you?


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

@Wolf As an older male virgin, I also hung out with a dude that liked to say "You must be gay because you've never had a woman."


----------



## Purrfessor

I'll be 28 on the 12th. Maybe 28 will be a year where I date again? Not sure. I was 100% convinced I was going to die at 27. Maybe once I'm 28 ill see differently.


----------



## Wolf

eeo said:


> How would you feel about getting new friends and acquaintances who respect you?


I wouldn’t say this is a respect issue, at least from what I can tell. more like something comes up in conversation and then the person is genuinely surprised is how it goes down.

i worded the post a bit poorly (changed it now), but by routinely I didn’t mean over and over again by the same people, rather that it seems to come up in conversation with new people I meet and then we move past it.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I’m starting to develop feelings for someone. It was probably riding on his motorcycle with him that did it. Earlier that day, I was planning to tell him that I didn’t see us in the future and that it was probably for the best that I stop seeing him. But the motorcycle ride was amazing, and I remembered how we’ve always had a good time with each other and how I don’t want to stop hanging out with him.

Now things are going very well. We had our 6th date. It was a strange feeling to have someone sitting on my couch talking to me about whatever friends talk about. It didn’t seem like he was just being polite while the ham in the oven finished baking. (Because I cooked dinner for him again.) It seemed like he actually enjoyed talking with me. We’ve also made some silly future plans. Like, we’re going to go to Waffle House (open 24/7) late at night to experience the atmosphere. And definitely another motorcycle ride.

I don’t think we’re a good long-term pairing, but I think we’ll just try to have a good time. He makes me laugh a lot, and he is such a nerd. It’s weird to feel a shadow of an emotion inside me. Hopefully I can still get off this ride any time I want.


----------



## Winter-Rose

UpClosePersonal said:


> What circumstances make finding that someone difficult for you?


I'm not attracted to what I have immediately around, it's like I choose the hard path because I feel and think I can have more. That is risky but also it helped my life in developing step by step more than people expected. Like, people told me that to get away from my family I needed a partner because alone it was too hard. I did it alone because I waited the right man and he didn't come. 

I just haven't found the one. And well, I don't know if there's outside and I will meet him.

I'm not attracted to forced situations: going around to find a partner, doing a lot of dates with different people and talking with a lot of men at the same time...it's not me. It can happen I'm in contact with more people, but it isn't something programmed like "Let's catch some men". And it doesn't mean I'm evaluating everyone as a partner. I'm not looking for a partner, it isn't my obsession. I can develop feelings or not and that's all. If it happens, it happens. 

So, I chose it, being alone. Because I'm not easy to satisfy. I can't choose you just because you grant me stability.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Winter-Rose said:


> I'm not attracted to forced situations: going around to find a partner, doing a lot of dates with different people and talking with a lot of men at the same time...it's not me. It can happen I'm in contact with more people, but it isn't something programmed like "Let's catch some men". And it doesn't mean I'm evaluating everyone as a partner. I'm not looking for a partner, it isn't my obsession. I can develop feelings or not and that's all. If it happens, it happens.


Replace the word "men" with "women", and this is ME exactly. You just completely validated me without knowing it.


----------



## impulsenine

Let's go on the hill, I'll take a blanket and we'll sit with our feet in the grass while we look at the stars.


----------



## Dalien

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> I’m starting to develop feelings for someone. It was probably riding on his motorcycle with him that did it. Earlier that day, I was planning to tell him that I didn’t see us in the future and that it was probably for the best that I stop seeing him. But the motorcycle ride was amazing, and I remembered how we’ve always had a good time with each other and how I don’t want to stop hanging out with him.
> 
> Now things are going very well. We had our 6th date. It was a strange feeling to have someone sitting on my couch talking to me about whatever friends talk about. It didn’t seem like he was just being polite while the ham in the oven finished baking. (Because I cooked dinner for him again.) It seemed like he actually enjoyed talking with me. We’ve also made some silly future plans. Like, we’re going to go to Waffle House (open 24/7) late at night to experience the atmosphere. And definitely another motorcycle ride.
> 
> I don’t think we’re a good long-term pairing, but I think we’ll just try to have a good time. He makes me laugh a lot, and he is such a nerd. It’s weird to feel a shadow of an emotion inside me. Hopefully I can still get off this ride any time I want.


Motorcycles will damn near get me every time. They are exhilarating and gives me a sense of freedom. I grew up with them—even hung out with some of the biker groups. I won’t exactly be looking for that someone special with it. A good friend with a motorcycle would be very cool about now. Enjoy while you can! I’m happy you‘re having a good time.


----------



## Dalien

impulsenine said:


> Let's go on the hill, I'll take a blanket and we'll sit with our feet in the grass while we look at the stars.


Extremely romantic. Nice.


----------



## Sankt Muzhik

Good thing: I can decide to be with someone and not regret it.

Bad thing: My depth of feeling is directly tied to my sexual attraction to someone.

Good thing: I can be extremely patient with partners.

Bad thing: I can end up resentful and disregarding my own happiness easily.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

Wondering if people who speak Romance languages (Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French) are more romantic.


----------



## Winter-Rose

Flabarac Brupip said:


> Wondering if people who speak Romance languages (Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French) are more romantic.


Based on my experience, it depends a lot on the person and their education more than the culture. 

Also, maybe my perception could differ from yours: what you consider romantic it could be common and not so romantic for me and vice-versa.

Mh...I was thinking that others could consider people who speak Romance languages more romantic because a date _usually_ is: taking the woman at a nice restaurant, some men give us small gifts on the first date, men pay the bill, we kiss on the cheeks, we aren't afraid of acts of affection in public (for ex. In Sweden and Korea they don't show much affection in public, I didn't see anyone kissing on the street or walking hand by hand, they stay near and that's all). I have noticed we are more expressive with words. Words and touch. 

I sometimes didn't like what we are used to do...there was a time I've felt very uncomfortable with a man (he asked me sex on the first date, on his car, and I refused). He drove me home and I just wanted to go, but usually if a man drives you home, you give a kiss on the cheek and say "thank you", that's polite. I was getting out of the car, he took my arm and demanded the kiss. I really didn't feel to, but not to make a fuss I did it and he let me go. 

I can tell you I've met Swedish, Korean, German and Russian guys. And I've found them romantic, the difference is that Swedish, German and Russian guys first reaction is "No, I'm not romantic", but they can warm your heart.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

I think I sort of have a boyfriend now, though I wouldn’t call him that to his face…or behind his back. And I don’t necessarily want to show him to my family. But there’s some kind of bond there! Date 7 was a motorcycle ride up to 105mph under the nearly-full moon after he cooked dinner. I’m keeping an open mind while also not overthinking the situation.

He didn’t want me to write about him on here, but I can do whatever the hell I want. Nevertheless I won’t romantically confess again for a while.


----------



## DOGSOUP

That tweet that says: why are threesomes only for sex, why can't I insert myself in a couple's arguments?


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

DOGSOUP said:


> That tweet that says: why are threesomes only for sex, why can't I insert myself in a couple's arguments?


You can help raise their kids too.


----------



## DOGSOUP

Flabarac Brupip said:


> You can help raise their kids too.


Other people get paid to do that already.


----------



## Kintsugi

I don't think I experience romantic attraction anymore?

Maybe my definition of "romantic attraction" has evolved


----------



## impulsenine

I flirted for 2 hours with an ISFP and I didn't even like her. I just got caught up in the moment. I need my 2 hours back.


----------



## Flabarac Brupip

impulsenine said:


> I flirted for 2 hours with an ISFP and I didn't even like her. I just got caught up in the moment. I need my 2 hours back.


Flirting with ISFP's is never time wasted because we are so damn SEXXAAAAYYYY!!!


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear

It was a vibe I’ve never experienced before. We drove out into the middle of nowhere on a wild unpaved road. I had never been so close to an oil well pump and heard its eerie rhythmic sound in the quiet night. We stargazed and he showed me all kinds of things. It was so on the edge. We were in the middle of uninhabited nature under the universe, yet there was the cold, mindless oil pump working right there. Like when he took me on motorcycle rides and I smelled the evening’s sigh, but we always rode past the train yard and oil tanks, moon rising over the scaffolding. It’s all very much like him, and very much like me now. Nature’s care, beauty, and favor—but never escaping from what allows modern life. It’s ugly and unsettling, but trying to find a way to be okay with it. Accepting what has happened and choosing to see the beautiful things as we go forward.

Anyway, it was art. Tonight was art. I’m healing.


----------



## UpClosePersonal

ButIHaveNoFear said:


> It was a vibe I’ve never experienced before. We drove out into the middle of nowhere on a wild unpaved road. I had never been so close to an oil well pump and heard its eerie rhythmic sound in the quiet night. We stargazed and he showed me all kinds of things. It was so on the edge. We were in the middle of uninhabited nature under the universe, yet there was the cold, mindless oil pump working right there. Like when he took me on motorcycle rides and I smelled the evening’s sigh, but we always rode past the train yard and oil tanks, moon rising over the scaffolding. It’s all very much like him, and very much like me now. Nature’s care, beauty, and favor—but never escaping from what allows modern life. It’s ugly and unsettling, but trying to find a way to be okay with it. Accepting what has happened and choosing to see the beautiful things as we go forward.
> 
> Anyway, it was art. Tonight was art. I’m healing.


Something's happened to you. A whole new way of expressing yourself. 

Relationships help us know ourselves by seeing ourselves in a new light...the light that someone new shines on us and illuminates the parts we never knew before.

I feel like a more authentic you is expressing herself. Your description is very imaginative. You sound less like a sensor and more like an intuitive. Could it be you really are an INFP afterall? This calls for an emoticon! 👍


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## Antiparticle

I am attracted to silence/silent guys who are otherwise moody and temperamental, because in this combination when they are silent I have to tip toe around it and guess what is wrong (or what I did wrong), which I find a great practice for my Ni.


----------



## impulsenine

Flabarac Brupip said:


> Flirting with ISFP's is never time wasted because we are so damn SEXXAAAAYYYY!!!


I most often have fun time having conversations with ISFPs. But it's the only personality type that after the end of conversation, I feel some remorse and "ok, it was good but I don't want to repeat the experience". I don't know why. Even though it feels good, it just seem without substance.


----------



## impulsenine

Antiparticle said:


> I am attracted to silence/silent guys who are otherwise moody and temperamental, because in this combination when they are silent I have to tip toe around it and guess what is wrong (or what I did wrong), which I find a great practice for my Ni.


A Ni-dom doesn't need to find practice for Ni. It's a troublemaker especially when it comes to relationships.
Please try to use it where it matters.


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## NipNip

I am thinking of passing on a Bumble match to a mate, but I am afraid of losing the mate.


----------



## Antiparticle

impulsenine said:


> A Ni-dom doesn't need to find practice for Ni. It's a troublemaker especially when it comes to relationships.
> Please try to use it where it matters.


Why not use it in relationships?


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## Mark R

Antiparticle said:


> I am attracted to silence/silent guys who are otherwise moody and temperamental, because in this combination when they are silent I have to tip toe around it and guess what is wrong (or what I did wrong), which I find a great practice for my Ni.


You need to hang out at mime conventions.


Antiparticle said:


> Why not use it in relationships?


My Ne tends to fail to adequately predict the course of my relationships even though I am dominant Ne. Maybe many Ni users have found their Ni has failed them. The course of relationships may be unpredictable.

_There are three things which are too amazing for me,
four which I don’t understand:
The way of an eagle in the sky,
The way of a snake on a rock,
The way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a young woman.
_—Proverbs 30:18-19


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## Antiparticle

Mark R said:


> You need to hang out at mime conventions.
> 
> My Ne tends to fail to adequately predict the course of my relationships even though I am dominant Ne. Maybe many Ni users have found their Ni has failed them. The course of relationships may be unpredictable.
> 
> _There are three things which are too amazing for me,
> four which I don’t understand:
> The way of an eagle in the sky,
> The way of a snake on a rock,
> The way of a ship on the high seas,
> and the way of a man with a young woman._
> —Proverbs 30:18-19


Everyone missed the point. Maybe I should say practicing “Ni-Fe” combination (I have a theory that it works different/in a special way for INFJs).

It’s about my own curiosity and decoding other people’s thoughts, when they are giving away extremely limited information, and behave like a “black hole” figuratively speaking (I am a physicist).

The “romantic” part (for me) comes from the fact that the same person wants me to guess correctly and understand his behavior, needs, thoughts, etc. and could become moody towards me (in terms of male partners I gravitate towards zodiac Cancer signs😸), while most of the time would be super nice and caring.

Now that I have to explain it seems difficult to give others the accurate feeling of the situation.


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## Ms. Aligned

Mark R said:


> My Ne tends to fail to adequately predict the course of my relationships even though I am dominant Ne. Maybe many Ni users have found their Ni has failed them. The course of relationships may be unpredictable.


My accuracy rate is 100%, they all fail. Lol!


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## Mark R

Antiparticle said:


> Everyone missed the point. Maybe I should say practicing “Ni-Fe” combination (I have a theory that it works different/in a special way for INFJs).


I got it, and I know about the theory. I was just giving you a silly response.


Ms. Aligned said:


> My accuracy rate is 100%, they all fail. Lol!


Hah. I've even hear data scientists say how miserable the predictive models are for the success of relationships. Maybe we should all be a little less hard on ourselves.


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## daleks_exterminate

He made me pizza and offered to serve it to me in the bathtub. I didn't accept that bc I didn't want a pizza bath. Still, weirdly cute that he'd be wiling to do that <3.


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## Antiparticle

I think it’s romantic when someone is willing to explain a complex topic, i.e. sharing my learning process is “intimate”.


----------



## Crowbo

I'm starting to believe that right now is the worst era for dating.


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## NipNip

Four fucking years and tears spring to my eyes


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## shameless

I think possibly I may have too high of personal expectations for my own life, to accommodate to romantic prospect.

I find while I love to get lost in a person when I can be physically with them, or even on a phone call sometimes, I have no desire to carry out the daily texts.

I am not sure I put blame on others or myself. Just seems to be a big difference I see in myself from others. I mean sure a 'good morning' text is cool, or a funny meme, or a 'just checking in how is your day' is cool.

But I cannot stand constant contact with any one sole person day in and day out. I mean even my kids I would rather be in person, or on phone. Text a quick 'I love you' sure.

It just seems like alotta people need alotta constant all day contact. I find that mentally exhausting. Also it seems like alotta people like more scheduled reassurances. To put out alotta feelers about future. I do not care for heavy constraint where I feel like my month is planned out. Outside of my kids, my goals, and work I cannot stand schedules. I'd probably just naturally desire to see the person if it did not feel like it was imposed upon me.

I think I just need to reconcile that I am not as emotionally available as what most people need. I cannot text all day. Even if I am literally doing nothing that day, I just cannot do it. It is actually more exhausting if you are doing nothing. And if I am busy I do not want to reassure someone every few hours of what I am up to.

I care way more about quality, not quantity.


----------



## Crowbo

To this day, I still can't get behind the idea that "loves comes when you least expect it." That seems very counterintuitive to me.


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## Flabarac Brupip

Most women that get interested in me are dogs, and I don't mean only looks-wise. Well I'm not into dogs, so consequently it drastically narrows my options. I know the reason usually only dogs are interested is because to a lot of women, _I'm_ a dog. But I just don't feel a need to settle for dogs just so I'm not single. I'd rather stay single. I don't need a SO just for the sake of having a SO. There has to be something special that draws me to her, otherwise what's the point? I can handle being single for the rest of my life if that's what's in my cards.


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## eeo

@Flabarac Brupip Please don't refer to women as dogs. Other animals might get offended.


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## Flabarac Brupip

eeo said:


> @Flabarac Brupip Please don't refer to women as dogs. Other animals might get offended.


Were you joking, or did that really offend you? Men can be dogs too.


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## eeo

Flabarac Brupip said:


> Were you joking, or did that really offend you? Men can be dogs too.


Half joking. The negative connotation is demeaning. I'm not happy about men being referred to as animals either.


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## Flabarac Brupip

eeo said:


> Half joking. The negative connotation is demeaning. I'm not happy about men being referred to as animals either.


What to call them then, "undesirables"? There's no nice way to say it frankly.


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## Ms. Aligned

Hey, some men like being referred to as dogs. Just saying. 






I don't judge.


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## eeo

Flabarac Brupip said:


> What to call them then, "undesirables"? There's no nice way to say it frankly.


No, that's not any better. 

"Unattractive" might be better, as it covers pretty much everything. It's not something anybody wants to hear about themselves, but it feels more neutral, a "it's not you, it's me" type of situation.


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## Flabarac Brupip

eeo said:


> No, that's not any better.
> 
> "Unattractive" might be better, as it covers pretty much everything. It's not something anybody wants to hear about themselves, but it feels more neutral, a "it's not you, it's me" type of situation.


Are you tone policing me!? Lol.

Sorry, inside joke with myself.

Well okay, I was told I was tone policing a woman once when I advised her in saying words less offensive than "Men are trash.", and basically that tone policing supports the patriarchy or some shit like that.


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## eeo

Flabarac Brupip said:


> Are you tone policing me!? Lol.


Not intentionally, I don't even know anymore. I mean I'm fine with you expressing the essence of your preferences. I just know that if I were in that kind of situation, being called a "dog" would make me feel a lot worse than being called "unattractive". It's not as if I can change it, so the word choice must be intentional to humiliate me more. Even if it's meant as something flippant.


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## Flabarac Brupip

eeo said:


> Not intentionally, I don't even know anymore. I mean I'm fine with you expressing the essence of your preferences. I just know that if I were in that kind of situation, being called a "dog" would make me feel a lot worse than being called "unattractive". It's not as if I can change it, so the word choice must be intentional to humiliate me more. Even if it's meant as something flippant.


It was a joke.


----------



## Gamine

Flabarac Brupip said:


> Are you tone policing me!? Lol.
> 
> Sorry, inside joke with myself.
> 
> Well okay, I was told I was tone policing a woman once when I advised her in saying words less offensive than "Men are trash.", and basically that tone policing supports the patriarchy or some shit like that.


Negative daddy issues are a whole other thing. Men act trashy just like women do.


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## Purrfessor

I'm talking on Onlyfans with a famous person, Janelle from Big Brother (known as the queen). So she was on TV and she was one of my favorite players. Not only did I get to see her naked (making her my new favorite) but I got to talk to her! She's such a high class gal and I'm such a poor boy I know it'll never work out, but still I wonder what it would be like to hookup with her in person. I would say she's 9.5/10 and she knows it so she hooks up with top tier males. I'm only like an 8/10 so I don't stand a chance realistically but I love talking to her at least. She's a smart person.


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## Purrfessor

Purrfessor said:


> I'm talking on Onlyfans with a famous person, Janelle from Big Brother (known as the queen). So she was on TV and she was one of my favorite players. Not only did I get to see her naked (making her my new favorite) but I got to talk to her! She's such a high class gal and I'm such a poor boy I know it'll never work out, but still I wonder what it would be like to hookup with her in person. I would say she's 9.5/10 and she knows it so she hooks up with top tier males. I'm only like an 8/10 so I don't stand a chance realistically but I love talking to her at least. She's a smart person.


Yeah followup. So I went to bed and had a dream about her. It felt less like a dream and more like a very real spiritual encounter (which I've had before) where we were interacting with each other. Talking, touching, being naked. It was intimate, intense, and frankly surreal. I found out she's a libertarian capitalist and real estate agent and yeah I never thought she'd be into someone like me (very poor, might never own a house). But yeah she was projecting quite a bit of power. I wouldn't call her a "dom" because of this, but yeah I felt her energy deep within me. If it wasn't a dream, and it was a real spiritual experience, then this was an extremely fulfilling night. If it was just a dream, this was the first dream I've had of this quality in quite some time. Usually you don't dream in THAT much of detail after only a few hours of exposure to a person. So that's what leads me to believe it was spiritual. I mean I'm a virgin, I can do shit like this. I'm basically a monk.

It's funny because earlier that day I made a post on reddit of my Final Fantasy X metal poster, of Tidus and Yuna made up of celestial objects. I said i put the poster above my bed in order to "dream big" and that's EXACTLY what happened THAT night. So yeah this is one of those special moments in life. 

She actually told me its OK for people with mental illness to go on big brother and I'm allowed to take my medication. So I might apply after all! I'm motivated to lose a few pounds and get my abs back and apply for big brother and potentially win the grand prize! This feels like a "river" I need to cross just like in the song The Humbling River by Puscifer, which I linked to someone also THAT day, yesterday. Things are coming together. Like I Said it's surreal.


----------



## Ms. Aligned

Purrfessor said:


> Yeah followup. So I went to bed and had a dream about her. It felt less like a dream and more like a very real spiritual encounter (which I've had before) where we were interacting with each other. Talking, touching, being naked. It was intimate, intense, and frankly surreal. I found out she's a libertarian capitalist and real estate agent and yeah I never thought she'd be into someone like me (very poor, might never own a house). But yeah she was projecting quite a bit of power. I wouldn't call her a "dom" because of this, but yeah I felt her energy deep within me. If it wasn't a dream, and it was a real spiritual experience, then this was an extremely fulfilling night. If it was just a dream, this was the first dream I've had of this quality in quite some time. Usually you don't dream in THAT much of detail after only a few hours of exposure to a person. So that's what leads me to believe it was spiritual. I mean I'm a virgin, I can do shit like this. I'm basically a monk.
> 
> It's funny because earlier that day I made a post on reddit of my Final Fantasy X metal poster, of Tidus and Yuna made up of celestial objects. I said i put the poster above my bed in order to "dream big" and that's EXACTLY what happened THAT night. So yeah this is one of those special moments in life.
> 
> She actually told me its OK for people with mental illness to go on big brother and I'm allowed to take my medication. So I might apply after all! I'm motivated to lose a few pounds and get my abs back and apply for big brother and potentially win the grand prize! This feels like a "river" I need to cross just like in the song The Humbling River by Puscifer, which I linked to someone also THAT day, yesterday. Things are coming together. Like I Said it's surreal.


Lol! Please let us know if you get accepted! I have never watched the show, but definitely would if you were on it. Lol!


----------



## Purrfessor

Ms. Aligned said:


> Lol! Please let us know if you get accepted! I have never watched the show, but definitely would if you were on it. Lol!


I don't think I'm applying for this next season. Potentially a few years from now. I'm 28 so I was thinking in my 30s I'll apply. I've got to do a few things to get ready: 1) lose maybe 30 pounds of fat and bulk up a bit more again 2) do memory exercises. My weak point on the show would be the memory competitions where you have to remember what happens on what day (everyone seems to be Good at this so honestly this might be scripted because this sounds extremely difficult. Imagine you're in the house for 80 days and you have to remember what day every event falls on up until that point. I memorized 100 digits of pi but this seems super difficult to me). 3) make enough money to afford a 3 month vacation and have good enough job security that I'd be able to find work afterward relatively easily.

So yeah a couple years of prep is in my best interest. Janelle also has a link to her academy on her Instagram, designed to get you "camera ready" for big brother. She Said 2 of the 16 finalists from season 24 (this last season) had took her classes so that sounds like a good idea to do too. 

She has also been on a couple other competitive reality shows. She's a competitive person, you can really tell too. 

She also told me season 22 (all stars season, meaning instead of new houseguests they are all returning houseguests) that she was on was rigged by a few people from the beginning and that's why the season sucked. These people teamed up before the show and entered the house with an alliance. That alliance controlled the whole game from start to finish. And targeted ALL of my favorites whom I was rooting for including Janelle (she was the first target) and then her ally Kaysar (the one I wanted to win) and then every other person I started rooting for after that. Sad.


----------



## Ms. Aligned

Yeah, the people I want to win in competition shows rarely ever do. It's frustrating. 

And 2 of how many people that took the class? Probably a better statistic to consider.

Sounds like you have a plan. I couldn't imagine being famous, ever, or on TV. You're brave, dude.


----------



## Purrfessor

Ms. Aligned said:


> Yeah, the people I want to win in competition shows rarely ever do. It's frustrating.
> 
> And 2 of how many people that took the class? Probably a better statistic to consider.
> 
> Sounds like you have a plan. I couldn't imagine being famous, ever, or on TV. You're brave, dude.


I'd rather compare myself to winners rather than the general applicants because I'm more of a winner rather than an average Joe. I've got looks, I've got brains, I've got heart, I've got courage, I've got willpower, I've got social skills. I'm what they're looking for. The main reason I want to do it is to encourage others to be more like me. Aka be a role model. Too many people look up to Kardashians. Look up to me, I'll guide you. I've got just the right mentality. 

I usually predict the winner early on quite well. It's just this season i predicted all the losers..:/


----------



## Ms. Aligned

Purrfessor said:


> I'd rather compare myself to winners rather than the general applicants because I'm more of a winner rather than an average Joe. I've got looks, I've got brains, I've got heart, I've got courage, I've got willpower, I've got social skills. I'm what they're looking for. The main reason I want to do it is to encourage others to be more like me. Aka be a role model. Too many people look up to Kardashians. Look up to me, I'll guide you. I've got just the right mentality.
> 
> I usually predict the winner early on quite well. It's just this season i predicted all the losers..:/


It's not about your ability to be a winner, it's about whether the class is worth it or not. If out of thousands of people, only 2 made it through as finalists, you may not have to waste the money. I only say this, because clearly Janelle is marketing her business, and you're a tad bit smitten. 😉 Lol!


----------



## Purrfessor

Ms. Aligned said:


> It's not about your ability to be a winner, it's about whether the class is worth it or not. If out of thousands of people, only 2 made it through as finalists, you may not have to waste the money. I only say this, because clearly Janelle is marketing her business, and you're a tad bit smitten. 😉 Lol!


Yeah but look at it the other way. The people who don't take the class and apply. (Which is likely a much much larger number). Only 14 of those people became finalists. 

The classes might be free. I haven't looked into it yet. But yeah she did label herself as a "capitalist" so it is likely you have to pay lol. 

At the end of the day big brother is a TV show. You're getting paid to perform in front of a camera. I have no acting experience, so I do think it's wise to invest in that before application process.


----------



## Ms. Aligned

Purrfessor said:


> Yeah but look at it the other way. The people who don't take the class and apply. (Which is likely a much much larger number). Only 14 of those people became finalists.
> 
> The classes might be free. I haven't looked into it yet. But yeah she did label herself as a "capitalist" so it is likely you have to pay lol.
> 
> At the end of the day big brother is a TV show. You're getting paid to perform in front of a camera. I have no acting experience, so I do think it's wise to invest in that before application process.


Lol @ the fact that acting experience is needed for a reality show. The irony. Lol!


----------



## Purrfessor

Ms. Aligned said:


> Lol @ the fact that acting experience is needed for a reality show. The irony. Lol!


Previous contestants deny that there is scripting, but someone did leak that the camera men in the diary room tell them things and give them hints. And the diary room is totally scripted, I'm sure of it. 

Actually they started doing LIVE premier episodes the last couple seasons. This is the first time they enter the house. They have a competition that day LIVE. And they are showing diary room comments from these people! Commenting on the competition as if they didn't JUST enter the house! Wtf! Lolllol. So yeah clearly they're making TV hahaha. 

But yeah you get paid 1000 dollars per week you are there. If you make it to the top 11 then you make it to jury at least, where they put you in another house until the end of the season. So that's my goal is making it to top 11 because that ensures 1000 a week for like 90 days that's like 13000 dollars. They bumped first place Winner up from 500k to 750k so that's obviously the main goal though. 2nd place is 50k or maybe they bumped it up to 75k idk. Then there is the 25k reward for being America's favorite, ppl at home vote and most votes wins. Then there is random 5k or 10k cash prizes in competitions that are possible to win. So yeah my goal is to make it to jury to get 13k. Anything else is a bonus that I will go for as well. I doubt I'll be America's favorite, because I'm going to hide a lot from America. I'm not going to talk about mental illness, homelessness, or any of my "sob story" because I don't want future employers to use it against me. So yeah I might just appear as someone I'm really not lmao. They usually give the favorite to the one who is like objectively the nicest but at the same time competitive. And yeah I might meet that criteria but idk I just feel like there will be a better candidate for favorite. They probably won't hate me. They might though if I bring up my political viewpoints so I'm not going to do that. Lol...


----------



## Ms. Aligned

Purrfessor said:


> Previous contestants deny that there is scripting, but someone did leak that the camera men in the diary room tell them things and give them hints. And the diary room is totally scripted, I'm sure of it.
> 
> Actually they started doing LIVE premier episodes the last couple seasons. This is the first time they enter the house. They have a competition that day LIVE. And they are showing diary room comments from these people! Commenting on the competition as if they didn't JUST enter the house! Wtf! Lolllol. So yeah clearly they're making TV hahaha.
> 
> But yeah you get paid 1000 dollars per week you are there. If you make it to the top 11 then you make it to jury at least, where they put you in another house until the end of the season. So that's my goal is making it to top 11 because that ensures 1000 a week for like 90 days that's like 13000 dollars. They bumped first place Winner up from 500k to 750k so that's obviously the main goal though. 2nd place is 50k or maybe they bumped it up to 75k idk. Then there is the 25k reward for being America's favorite, ppl at home vote and most votes wins. Then there is random 5k or 10k cash prizes in competitions that are possible to win. So yeah my goal is to make it to jury to get 13k. Anything else is a bonus that I will go for as well. I doubt I'll be America's favorite, because I'm going to hide a lot from America. I'm not going to talk about mental illness, homelessness, or any of my "sob story" because I don't want future employers to use it against me. So yeah I might just appear as someone I'm really not lmao. They usually give the favorite to the one who is like objectively the nicest but at the same time competitive. And yeah I might meet that criteria but idk I just feel like there will be a better candidate for favorite. They probably won't hate me. They might though if I bring up my political viewpoints so I'm not going to do that. Lol...


Lol, good luck man. Sounds like a lot of work.


----------



## shameless

I gotta see dude I had been seeing briefly at one point. Eventually after that, it had sorta turned into fwb scenario where he'd come over and make nice with me when I am at my bestfriends, he is her neighbor. So I had started to avoid my bestfriends when I know he does not have his kids. Under principle, if he was not going to ever make a move aside from when I am just conveniently around. Gawd he annoys me so much. He likes all my crap on FB. And pretty sweet or more 'lovey dovey' than simply fucken like how I think fwb exchange should be. Says stupid crap about how good he thinks we are. Then never ever makes move outside of when I am at my best friends. 

I make him sound like a super asshole, but he is actually a really nice ass guy. He is not a slime. He is actually the opposite which is why his damn smile, and googlee eyes gets me every damn time. But I do think it is a shit or get off the pot and leave me the fuck alone dude scenario. 

Bitch slaps self, stay strong MIA stay strong.


----------



## shameless

I decided not to further interact with the chick who was driving me up the wall with constant need to text. I cannot do it. It was literally making me crabby, and driving me batshit. I should not be that irritable and annoyed communicating with a prospect


----------



## Kintsugi

Is platonic romance a thing?

Can I make it a thing????


----------



## Purrfessor

Kintsugi said:


> Is platonic romance a thing?
> 
> Can I make it a thing????


It's not a thing. Don't make it a thing.

Platonic is for friends not romance. Romance is gross, way too gross to be called platonic. 

Would rather a term like BFF or friends with benefits but any sign of romance will override the platonic definition.


----------



## Kintsugi

Purrfessor said:


> It's not a thing. Don't make it a thing.
> 
> Platonic is for friends not romance. Romance is gross, way too gross to be called platonic.
> 
> Would rather a term like BFF or friends with benefits but any sign of romance will override the platonic definition.


Yeah, it is gross. I agree!


----------

