# The Unhealthy Curiosity of the Mind



## Acerbusvenator (Apr 12, 2011)

I really have no one to confide in who wouldn't either start to pity me or downplay the problem, so I am posting it here instead.

So, I've had this problem for quite some time.
It's not the thoughts themselves that are problematic, it is however that my mind starts to entertain them.
Like about half a year ago, my mind almost entertained myself into breaking my neck just to find out how it would sound and stuff. And even tho suicidal thoughts are relatively easy to deal with, the unhealthy curiosity of the mind is not.
Now, that's only part of the problem.
The other part is that I sometimes can't sleep because that curiosity completely fills my mind and blocks any attempt to think of something else and hijack those thoughts.
If I start to try to dream about superpowers for example, it will go something like this "Wouldn't it be cool with superpowers?... maybe if I die I will be reborn and have some... I wonder if death really is final...". There's really no way for me to shake these and they stop me from being able to sleep.
It's not that I got insomnia, but I need a high amount of stimuli and excitement or my mind gets bored and starts to be curious about death again. My way of fighting it has been through watching movies and playing games that will give my mind enough material to play with for a while, but it is really just buying time before my mind gets bored. Not even finding love will likely be permanent as it would likely follow the fate of my friendships - slowly disappearing as they become predictable or a burden (a bit ironic considering my avatar), they stop being people I regularly talk to unless I need something from them (usually stimulation like playing with them or talking to them etc.).


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## Cael (Jan 23, 2013)

Crazy and extreme thoughts are not uncommon. The human mind is designed to, and will drift off to thousands of topics every day. Many of which can be unpleasant, although that is not your problem, this foundation is harmless. Having your imagination tempt you to self harm _is_ a serious problem. You should not have to put effort into refraining from such things. This could possibly be an anxiety disorder or even borderline personality disorder. As unlikely as an anxiety disorder may be in this instance, it is the more common of the two, and fits to a certain degree. Very often the mind will wander to terrible things, you will catch yourself thinking very bizarre things and they may even convince you that you are not completely sane. You can read about the thoughts that an anxiety disorder would give you here, for a little comparison to your own:


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Anxiety and Crazy Thoughts « Calm Clinic

Anxiety and worrying, racing, disturbing thoughts

How Anxiety Causes Irrational Thoughts « Calm Clinic

And you can even take the anxiety test mentioned in the first link, provided by Calm Clinic:

Free Anxiety Test - Do You Worry Too Much?




An anxiety disorder is not hard to control, depending on the severity. If yours is not that bad, simple tasks and calming methods throughout your day may resolve the problem. If you feel that this is the case, I can recommend several great books and articles about calming methods, and anxiety treatments. In more severe cases, these methods may not work, and it may take seeing a regular counselor, or even medication. 

Borderline Personality Disorder seems like a closer match. Most people with BPD do have self-destructive impulsions, often resort to self-harm, and have a great deal of difficulty in maintaining relationships and other associations. Although I have been given very little information about your behavior, aside from this issue, what you have given makes this idea sound fairly accurate. You can judge for yourself though:


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An article by a mental health examiner, Gregory Pacana about BPD thoughts, feeling, and actions:
Borderline personality disorder, thoughts feelings and actions - Philadelphia Mental Health | Examiner.com

A Testimony of life with BPD by a BPD patient, under the alias of "wish_me_luck":
Thoughts from a person with Borderline Personality Disorder - Nurses / Recovery

Another article from Calm Clinic about anxiety and BPD: 
Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder « Calm Clinic

And an online BPD test from bpddemystified.com:
Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified - symptoms, nature, and treatment are outlined and explored




Although I am curious as to if your obtrusive curiosity applies to all thoughts, or just the negative and self-destructive ones. And I am curious about how you view this impulsion. Whether it be as someone would view a normal and harmless impulsion, such as pre-ordering a game out of a series that one likes the moment it becomes available to do so, or as something darker, with a similar mindset to, "it doesn't matter anyways if I do, no one will miss me and I don't care." 

In the instance that you are simply impulsive with everything, your condition may be less serious. If this is the case, you may simply have Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (impulsive behaviors in children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a basic example: Impulsive Behaviors | Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Help & Info - ADDitude ; Impulsive Behavior in ADD ADHD Children | Mom Blog: Parenting ADHD Child with Learning Disabilities - ADDitude). Most ADD and ADHD patients simply get an idea, and without second thought just jump to it. They often have difficulty focusing on the things they need to do and are often distracted by many things, most commonly their own imagination. Many patients also struggle to maintain intimate relationships as well, as you have described. Although this is less serious than something like BPD, which could lead to some serious self harm, it is still a problem. 

ADD and ADHD can lead to a lot of problems if left unchecked. Self-destructive behaviors are eventually capable of taking over, and depression as well, due to the effects of these conditions and how they may affect your life. Patients with ADD or ADHD are much more likely to participate in harmful activities, such as substance abuse and reckless driving: 10 Risky Behaviors for Adults with ADD/ADHD - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com . 

I have known a good number of ADD patients learn to live normally without medication, and considerably fewer with ADHD to do the same. Although, I, nor any method online, would be an accurate means of determining whether you may need medication. If you feel that ADD/ADHD fits you, I would highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist, or at the least your regular physician for a diagnosis and possible medication. If none of the ideas that I have suggested are accurate, I again would suggest the same. The combination of how little information I have been given about yourself, along with how little I have on the subject may simply not suffice. You may have a serious condition that needs to be taken care of.

Ps. I apologize if I flooded you with resources.


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## finically (Nov 18, 2009)

Acerbusvenator, I understand what you are describing. It is possible that you might have a medical or psychiatric problem, as Cael has written about. It is also possible that your current situation is rooted in your life experiences, responses, and environment -- and is not a "medical" problem per se. 

We do not have enough concrete information to even begin to accurately suggest what your unique situation might be, and neither would it be responsible for us to offer anything like a "diagnosis". While it is appreciable that Cael has provided an overview of a handful of "common" mental health problems, these may or may not apply to you. A licensed and empathetic mental health professional would be your best source for personalized and accurate diagnosis and support. 

It seems that you are sufficiently frustrated and affected by your "unhealthy curiosity" and want to get to the bottom of your situation. However, it would not be responsible to act on any information that you find online, including "diagnostic" tests, because these are not legitimate and cannot replace a healthcare provider's skill. You have to be careful and responsible with yourself.

Knowledge is power, and while you could undertake more research into your situation through books, online forums, and the internet -- please understand that none of this is professional medical advice. I would also suggest that you do not try to self-medicate or undertake any significant lifestyle changes (except maybe exercising, eating healthy, meditating, etc.) without professional information.

If you cannot afford or access a professional healthcare provider, see if a counselor or psychologist is available through your educational institution. Sometimes the providers at schools and colleges offer basic healthcare, diagnoses, and counseling for free.

Good luck, and feel free to send me a personal message if you want to discuss further. I have a lot of personal experience with mental health providers, personal health, etc. and have read widely on the field.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

@*Acerbusvenator*
Death thoughts, suicidal ideations, negativity, grass is greener attitudes, entertaining what ifs, and dark thoughts can at times be healthy (assuming one never acts on them) as a compensatory mechanism of the unconscious mind seeking to offer 'alternatives' or potential points of galvanism. For example the non literal desire for super powers or mental suicide that serve as reminders that something does not fit or as points of emerging conscious awareness (disintegration of the childlike self for example or dissociation needed from an aspect of psychic life becoming toxic, for example how a jobs personal identity may be unsuitably hindering your mental growth).


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## kareem (Jan 30, 2013)

i have the same problem, i haven't been able to reach a way to distinguish between ideas that are whispers from the devil frommy own. I personally find religious advice to be helpful when it comes to some thoughts.


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## finically (Nov 18, 2009)

Regarding "voices" in one's head, I found this TED talk by Eleanor Longden quite inspirational.



> To all appearances, Eleanor Longden was just like every other student, heading to college full of promise and without a care in the world. That was until the voices in her head started talking. Initially innocuous, these internal narrators became increasingly antagonistic and dictatorial, turning her life into a living nightmare. Diagnosed with schizophrenia, hospitalized, drugged, Longden was discarded by a system that didn't know how to help her. Longden tells the moving tale of her years-long journey back to mental health, and makes the case that it was through learning to listen to her voices that she was able to survive.
> Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio »


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