# Any SPs relate? Anybody know why?



## hellofornow (Sep 4, 2015)

im an ESTP, and 100% sure of it. So anyways, i get along great with most people but i have a ton of more guy friends. the ratio to guy friends to girl friends is probably 12:5. anyways im very popular i just get along more with guys and they like me over most girls. anyways, so my friends, who are all girly and bubbly, mainly ENFPs, ENFJs and ESFJs all can get boyfriends even if guys find them annoying. ive asked most of my guy friends and they all say im attractive and have a nice body, lovable personality, ect. However some said i dont have a "girlfriend personality" i guess thats because im a tomboy, hang out with the guys. i wear makeup and always make sure my hair looks pretty, everyone compliments me for those aspects. I currently like an INTP and were friends but he likes an ISFJ. so i don't know where i stand and how come this happens. I have an ISTP friend thats a girl and she is in the same boat as me. she is pretty and has lots of guy friends but no boyfriend. Are guys intimidated by STP girls or does have to do with the types of guys? :blushed:


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Hello STP here. 

Um I actually do not have a ton of guy friends. Way too much sexual tension. (Fuck that shit). I get along good with guys like for example in the past when I was married and we would be at couples parties often the women would all sit in the house and talk about jewelry or tupperware (please just fuckn shoot me). In those cases I can say I definitely definitely would go cut fire wood or grab tools or sit and BS with guys rather then sit in that kinda chick environment listed above. But eh still despite that no I have never been one to say I am a guys girl. Because I am sorry I am not saying I am the hottest chick but I am attractive enough generally speaking and environmentally aware enough of the way things are. As in if your an attractive chick your not really friends with guys 95% of the time. Usually its just a chick friendzoning some guy or teasing guys to do their bidding. (My INFJ sis is really good at that being 'friends' with guys like said above). I just think unless its couples already together in groups mingling where everyone is attached, or something like extremely rare with people long term childhood friendship that outside special circumstances theres underlined dynamics often. 

Hmmmmm trying to think of how to say my thoughts without sounding like a bitch. My thoughts tho is I wonder if you may come off like very attention seeking to women if your as attractive as you say and yet the guys guy it can probably be coming off very flirty. 

I have had guys say they were intimidated by me yes but I would not say they ever said it was because I was a guys girl or tomboy since I have been an adult woman (yeah in childs play that may the case but who cares I am an adult now). 

Actually I find it empowering to have some masculine mental stamina and yet have tits and ass. I do not look at it as a disadvantage but rather an edge.

I am not trying to undermine you I am however trying to suggest that generally if your attractive, and an ESTP you would likely be aware of the social dynamics at play. Makes no difference to me who you play with. But if your hot and hanging with all the guys, yeah I think as an ESTP you could put 2 & 2 together on why they would not be taking you as serious dating potential. Your ESTP you should be well aware of the social dynamics at play even if no one ever says the shit out loud everyone knows its there or an element of an environment.


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## hellofornow (Sep 4, 2015)

Cinnamon83 said:


> Hello STP here.
> 
> Um I actually do not have a ton of guy friends. Way too much sexual tension. (Fuck that shit). I get along good with guys like for example in the past when I was married and we would be at couples parties often the women would all sit in the house and talk about jewelry or tupperware (please just fuckn shoot me). In those cases I can say I definitely definitely would go cut fire wood or grab tools or sit and BS with guys rather then sit in that kinda chick environment listed above. But eh still despite that no I have never been one to say I am a guys girl. Because I am sorry I am not saying I am the hottest chick but I am attractive enough generally speaking and environmentally aware enough of the way things are. As in if your an attractive chick your not really friends with guys 95% of the time. Usually its just a chick friendzoning some guy or teasing guys to do their bidding. (My INFJ sis is really good at that being 'friends' with guys like said above). I just think unless its couples already together in groups mingling where everyone is attached, or something like extremely rare with people long term childhood friendship that outside special circumstances theres underlined dynamics often.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your input! No don't think you were being a bitch and i'm glad you said this. I just don't think i'm dating material lol, guys say Id be "better as a friend with benefit". I don't think I would take a relationship seriously or maybe its the commitment thing. I do know some cute guys that told some of my friends they wanted to ask me out, but were scared I would say no, and that was an ENTJ. So maybe I do come off as intimidating because I got that ST vibe. And yes, my guy friends all agree that I'm flirty, but that's just how I am naturally. So yeah, I get along with basically everyone but sometimes women just find me overbearing.


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## Acadia (Mar 20, 2014)

@hellofornow 

I've always been tomboyish, and it's helped me connect with guys. But at 23, it's rare that guys 'just want to be friends', and I can't stand dealing with new people who I know are just chasing tail. 
Personally, I hate dating. I had one serious boyfriend essentially from 17-21, and part of our mutual attraction was our level of intensity. He liked the fact that I was straightforward and passionate about things; I liked his energy towards his causes and confidence. We got along great. It didn't work out in the end but knowing that I've _had_ something so good, that it is possible for me to connect with people at such an intimate level, I haven't been in a hurry to get with other guys. I just haven't met anyone that offers all that much to me yet. 

I think these things just sort of work themselves out over time tbh. I think high-Se can come off as 'intimidating' because with it comes a competitive streak. 

There's no such thing as dating material or not dating material though; it all just has to do with chemistry. You also might want to confront the guys that have been talking to your friends about you directly, see if they have anything to say about it. Words get minced when they travel down a line.


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## hellofornow (Sep 4, 2015)

http://personalitycafe.com/members/heartofpompeii.html

I agree a lot with what you said. I have a very close ESTP guy friend and noticed he seems to lead lots of women on but isn't serious and they get upset with him. Sadly, after noticing that I realized I'm extremely similar in my interactions with guys, not slutty, but definitely enough to get them going. So I guess I'm just pretty flirty and guys don't take that seriously


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## Saturnian Devil (Jan 29, 2013)

hellofornow said:


> im an ESTP, and 100% sure of it. So anyways, i get along great with most people but i have a ton of more guy friends. the ratio to guy friends to girl friends is probably 12:5. anyways im very popular i just get along more with guys and they like me over most girls. anyways, so my friends, who are all girly and bubbly, mainly ENFPs, ENFJs and ESFJs all can get boyfriends even if guys find them annoying. ive asked most of my guy friends and they all say im attractive and have a nice body, lovable personality, ect. However some said i dont have a "girlfriend personality" i guess thats because im a tomboy, hang out with the guys. i wear makeup and always make sure my hair looks pretty, everyone compliments me for those aspects. I currently like an INTP and were friends but he likes an ISFJ. so i don't know where i stand and how come this happens. I have an ISTP friend thats a girl and she is in the same boat as me. she is pretty and has lots of guy friends but no boyfriend. Are guys intimidated by STP girls or does have to do with the types of guys? :blushed:


I know I'm a little late for this, but I kinda wanted to reply with my thoughts on this. Honestly, I think it's not uncommon for us to have difficulties with guys when it comes to long-term relationships. It's that ST combo. Sensual, yet calculating. This can throw a lot of people, both men and women, in for a loop. On one hand, guys can think we're either too flirty, and on the other hand, they can think we are just too serious. When in extremes, these things are potential turn-offs for a lot of guys when it comes to committed relationships.

Personally, however, I do find that I intimidate other women. Don't get me wrong; I don't dislike women. I have several female friends who are amazing. But, yes. The ones I do intimidate are usually those who are very insecure and melodramatic. It is not necessarily always in the "Oh, god, she's gonna try and steal my man" sense (though I've had women assume I'm one of those when I don't give a shit about their boyfriend to begin with), but rather in the "Oh, she's different. I don't understand her, so let me project my own insecurities onto her instead of getting to know her myself" sense. Some women don't bother to get to know me themselves. Instead, they make judgments out of insecurity, only to later learn that I am not at all what they expected. I'm sure as an xSTP female, you understand precisely where I am coming from with this. It's only natural for some women to see us as competition, even when we don't care to compete in the first place. So, yes. Jealousy from other women is often a thing. I don't feed into it when it occurs. I ignore them because their insecurities are not of my concern.

As for my male friends, yes I do have them. However, most only see me as a friend, and nothing more. Some of them have also expressed interest in dating me, but I wasn't interested, so they backed off. But generally speaking, they're not intimidated by me in the least, and they also don't think of me as sexually promiscuous. In fact, they see me as the exact opposite, mainly because I am not one to wear overly sexy clothing or act flirtatious toward every guy I know. They respect me. 

Despite those two things, I don't actually have an issue in establishing long-term relationships. I am currently in one at the moment, albeit with another ISTP. It works because we are both very casual individuals who just want to explore shit and still have someone to "come home to." We don't live together, but I think what I mean is pretty obvious lol.

So, that said, I do think it's really how you present yourself that determines the kind of attention you will receive. It's not always a bad thing, but in your case, I can definitely understand why you are frustrated. Based on what you've described about yourself and your situation, yes, it is clear that some of those guys just want to fuck you and nothing else. That can be disheartening if you're really interested in a serious relationship obviously. Now, I don't want to sound like I am slut-shaming (I really don't care about what another woman does sexually; shout outs to feminism for giving us freedom over what we do with our own bodies), but if guys are always assuming you're promiscuous, even when you are not promiscuous whatsoever, it's usually a huge sign that you're not giving the proper impression. I know that as xSTPs, we don't always give a fuck about what the world thinks of us, but sometimes it's good to self-reflect and work on correcting certain behaviors as needed. Regardless, I think you could try being a little more reserved and not overly flirtatious with everyone you meet. I know a girl who used to be very flirtatious, and as a result she only got into FWB situations that always resulted in her getting hurt. Since she's learned to "tone it down" while still being true to herself, she's since been in a very happy, healthy relationship. You can still be a "guy's girl" and "tomboy" and still be in a relationship. Just means you gotta figure out a way to find a happy medium.

Also, I do want to make this clear: Don't ever change every single thing about yourself just to appease some dude. Self-improvement is always okay, obviously, but if some guy's ever treating you like shit for how you act or whatever: 

Ditch him. There is always a guy out there who will appreciate everything about you, without the bullshit that comes along with intimidation. 

Anyway, I apologize for the lengthy post. Hopefully this helped, though.


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## hellofornow (Sep 4, 2015)

Saturnian Devil said:


> I know I'm a little late for this, but I kinda wanted to reply with my thoughts on this. Honestly, I think it's not uncommon for us to have difficulties with guys when it comes to long-term relationships. It's that ST combo. Sensual, yet calculating. This can throw a lot of people, both men and women, in for a loop. On one hand, guys can think we're either too flirty, and on the other hand, they can think we are just too serious. When in extremes, these things are potential turn-offs for a lot of guys when it comes to committed relationships.
> 
> Personally, however, I do find that I intimidate other women. Don't get me wrong; I don't dislike women. I have several female friends who are amazing. But, yes. The ones I do intimidate are usually those who are very insecure and melodramatic. It is not necessarily always in the "Oh, god, she's gonna try and steal my man" sense (though I've had women assume I'm one of those when I don't give a shit about their boyfriend to begin with), but rather in the "Oh, she's different. I don't understand her, so let me project my own insecurities onto her instead of getting to know her myself" sense. Some women don't bother to get to know me themselves. Instead, they make judgments out of insecurity, only to later learn that I am not at all what they expected. I'm sure as an xSTP female, you understand precisely where I am coming from with this. It's only natural for some women to see us as competition, even when we don't care to compete in the first place. So, yes. Jealousy from other women is often a thing. I don't feed into it when it occurs. I ignore them because their insecurities are not of my concern.
> 
> ...


thanks for posting! yeah i understand exactly where you are coming from. I have toned it down a bit and actually i recently met a guy, dont know his type but definitely a IxFx. And we have been talking for a bit and he said he wants to date me but is shy and still scared. so i like him and will date him when he finally gets the courage but its starting to piss me off because ill ask him to go out for coffee or something and he'll say hes too shy. So... now im in this boat.


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## wanderlusts (Dec 15, 2014)

hellofornow said:


> im an ESTP, and 100% sure of it. So anyways, i get along great with most people but i have a ton of more guy friends. the ratio to guy friends to girl friends is probably 12:5. anyways im very popular i just get along more with guys and they like me over most girls. anyways, so my friends, who are all girly and bubbly, mainly ENFPs, ENFJs and ESFJs all can get boyfriends even if guys find them annoying. ive asked most of my guy friends and they all say im attractive and have a nice body, lovable personality, ect. However some said i dont have a "girlfriend personality" i guess thats because im a tomboy, hang out with the guys. i wear makeup and always make sure my hair looks pretty, everyone compliments me for those aspects. I currently like an INTP and were friends but he likes an ISFJ. so i don't know where i stand and how come this happens. I have an ISTP friend thats a girl and she is in the same boat as me. she is pretty and has lots of guy friends but no boyfriend. Are guys intimidated by STP girls or does have to do with the types of guys? :blushed:



So to start, I'm a person who actually isn't into the relationships thing. I'm just not interested in them, and have a habit of always being the one to cut guys off. So I can't say I understand what you're going through, I just really found what you said to be a fresh breath of air and relatable in sense of the bigger picture here. 

My enfp roommate and I , whenever we're hanging out with our groups of guy friends, I do notice that they often consider me like "one of the guys". Even my own dad treats me like I'm one of his guy buddies moreso than a daughter hahah. I swear I always feel like I'm the only one. 

You know what else I don't get? The stereotype that girls are the "clingy, desperate ones" and guys are the ones who aren't about being tied down to the domestic relationship thing/breaking hearts bc the girl loves them more than he loves her blahblahblah. That's just not true?? The situation has always been reversed for me and I admit there have been a few occasions where I wonder if chicks like us are some sort of minority within our own gender or something. Even in the media, the main heroines of film or TV are usually depicted in that light of delicate, bubbly stuff you mentioned. Maybe it's a T-type thing? But eh, I'd say I'm personally better off with the way I am. My roommate is so easily intimidated by guys when they're being creepy and trying to touch her and she's just standing there holding back her discomfort and not standing up to them. I can't tell you how many times she's texted me to come meet her at a bar to scare some guy off. One time we were at a party and she was sitting down as some random druggy fuckboy was all over her and she was clearly uncomfortable in her body language but I had to be the one to tell him to back off unless he wants his ass kicked. (Which I guess isn't considered ladylike?) but, I'm the same with dressing and appearing feminine, it's not like I'm some huge ass bodybuilder or anything. I'm big on fashion, can't leave the house until my hair looks good, regular athletic body type, average height. I think it's more about our behavior/mentality than it is about appearance. Who knows 




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