# Problems and struggles with your blindspot?



## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

What are the biggest difficulties you face being SP/SO/SX-last? How does it manifest itself in your enneatype?

Have you ever tried developing your blindspot in any way? Why (not)?


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

I consider the instincts my natural orientation and so bordering into my SX blind spot zone would be me hanging around with a load of other SX doms, that would be an example of venturing outside whats my usual attention spot. When I have been with SX's, i've often felt like im a bit boring or playing safe and that I might get goaded or called out for not wanting to get too involved with some of the intense activity they get up to. As a 6, it takes a while for me to observe and judge how safe it is for me to get involved. Being SX last(I don't think my SX is extremely low, its been developed over the years as a result of hanging around with all sorts of people, some bolder and some more timid etc) its allowed me to at least feel more comfortable around SX's and how they are but I need quite a lot of breaks in order to be able to sustain that level of intensity, I mean whilst they are still going for it and being energised by their activity, I feel more worn out. In a way being an SP dom seems quite introverted but also really is just me wanting to protect myself and my needs so I don't feel too engulfed. So yeah, lots of short breaks or a definite long break inbetween, time to recollect my thoughts and take in the experience helps in spending time with SX's. I don't think I will ever be completely comfortable going into full on SX mode say on a consistant basis, I like to save my energy but I do have my moments. Also, counterphobia looks similar to SX and so when I am counterphobic, I am much more firey.


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## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

Being sp last is really tough - physically, that is. When i moved out i kind of thought it would be the greatest, socializing, meeting girls, etc. But it turned out that im so bad at dealing with the basics like cleaning, eating right that it was really hard to completely "show up" in social settings. And of course more disappointingly, with "the ladies" .

Im trying to really rearrange the way i live to be more practical and to overcome (at least a bit) my sp blindspot! I hope someone else has advice on it.


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

@kaleidoscope, I'm not sure if you're just asking for sexual blindspot, but I would say for social last, my biggest struggle is seeing a reason to put myself out there in the greater world. I love to be creative and express myself but it's more for me or to connect with an individual than to contribute to society or what have you. Also, it's difficult for me to remember to call my parents, my siblings, most of my friends, get involved in my kids' schools, etc. It's not that I don't want to talk to my parents or my siblings, friends, etc, but it just seems like more of a burden than something I'm compelled to do. I'll think about how I should call them and then I'll just as quickly forget.

I see instincts kind of like someone yelling in a tunnel. The dominant one is the person yelling- it's really loud and obvious, while the second one is the first echo- still recognizable but muted, gentle, and the last instinct is the more faint echo before all the sound disappears- you can't really understand it and it doesn't make much sense and it feels far away, but it's still exists. There's just an intangible quality to it.

Developing it, yes I try. I know for me it is a matter of putting my creations/thoughts/feelings out there in the world, seeing the validity of that. I think that's a way a 4w5 sx/sp can interact with the world- _here is what goes on within me, perhaps it will affect/benefit you_.


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## StellarTwirl (Jul 1, 2012)

brainheart said:


> ... I would say for social last, my biggest struggle is seeing a reason to put myself out there in the greater world. I love to be creative and express myself but it's more for me or to connect with an individual than to contribute to society or what have you.


My desire to contribute tends to take some form of disruption. When I grapple with the question of whether it's worth it to bother at all, I frequently end up with "Goodbye society, and please forget to write!" But some part of me can't be fully content with detachment, no matter how much I'd like to be. 





brainheart said:


> ... I think that's a way a 4w5 sx/sp can interact with the world- _here is what goes on within me, perhaps it will affect/benefit you_.


I like this.  I've mentioned before how thoroughly sx/sps seem to infuse things with their being. The portion of themselves that they offer could never be mistaken for something given by anyone else.


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## bombsaway (Nov 29, 2011)

I try and develop my blindspot (sp) but it always is for Sx or So motivations. I never think that I'm going to start eating healthy because I want to look after my body, but because I want other people to think I look good. I never tidy my room because I can't stand the mess, but because I live in a flat with 5 other people who would judge me for having a messy room. Most of my Sp developing missions last a couple of months tops. Normally I exercise for three months then do nothing for six (it's getting to the time where I need to do another three months, haha!)

Sp isn't something that naturally comes to me. I read somewhere that you're probably like a child when it comes to your blindspot and that made a lot of sense to me. I'm always out of my depth with Sp related matters like cooking (which I'll often not do in favour of a chocolate muffin because it's cheaper and easier, or the other day I ate cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner) I have to make lists about looking after myself or I'll just forget to tidy up, make time for eating, shower (ew, I know) etc.

I terms of my enneatype (Nine) I let sloth get the better of me a lot. I'll sleep for ages even though it's healthier not to or just generally more productive etc. I'll neglect breakfast for an extra half hour in bed (though I'd never sacrifice the time for makeup / clothes) and will often neglect chores that need doing because I want to go out / procrastinate / sleep.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

Right now I'm having a lot of stress placed on my soc blindspot. It feels like people want me to navigate the social realm flawlessly, say the right things, do the correct behaviors. I'm trying in part because the reason _why_ they want me to do this is important to me, but the way they want me to do it is not and I feel like they won't listen to me if I don't. Perhaps the idea that I should try is 6ish and the reason why I'm "contributing" is 6ish and/or 1ish.
In retrospect, I tend to contribute for a moral reason then get really overwhelmed with the (social) aftermath.

I'm even having sx issues at the moment. I'm feeling very put upon by a certain person who is too emotionally-oriented for my tastes and I'm very conflicted about how to handle it. Too fast for this sp-first.

So yeah. Fun times in my life this weekend. :tongue:


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

bombsaway said:


> I try and develop my blindspot (sp) but it always is for Sx or So motivations. I never think that I'm going to start eating healthy because I want to look after my body, but because I want other people to think I look good. I never tidy my room because I can't stand the mess, but because I live in a flat with 5 other people who would judge me for having a messy room. Most of my Sp developing missions last a couple of months tops. Normally I exercise for three months then do nothing for six (it's getting to the time where I need to do another three months, haha!)
> 
> Sp isn't something that naturally comes to me. I read somewhere that you're probably like a child when it comes to your blindspot and that made a lot of sense to me. I'm always out of my depth with Sp related matters like cooking (which I'll often not do in favour of a chocolate muffin because it's cheaper and easier, or the other day I ate cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner) I have to make lists about looking after myself or I'll just forget to tidy up, make time for eating, shower (ew, I know) etc.
> 
> I terms of my enneatype (Nine) I let sloth get the better of me a lot. I'll sleep for ages even though it's healthier not to or just generally more productive etc. I'll neglect breakfast for an extra half hour in bed (though I'd never sacrifice the time for makeup / clothes) and will often neglect chores that need doing because I want to go out / procrastinate / sleep.


Hello inner voice of recognition! A lot of that is exactly how I feel, I wish I could care more about the basics of life, to care more about food for example so I don't forget to eat for days at a time until I realise I've been hungry for a while and grab the nearest convenience. It just doesn't matter to me so I don't pay it attention. I can work at getting organised for chunks of time, get in the habit of going to the markets and getting good quality food but unless someone else is there as a reminder it will fall by the way in about 2-4 weeks and I'll be back to not eating again. I just can't care! Even when I know I should and want to.

As much as it's a pain in the ass I like having 3-monthly inspections because I dislike mess immensely... just not enough to overcome my desire to do something fun instead, so an inspection means my place is spotless for about a month afterwards. External pressure for Sp related things is about the only motivator I can access, weather this be a direct pressure or something that triggers my So/Sx it doesn't matter the former is simply less inspired for me to work through.

I do love showers though xD


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## staticmud (Jun 28, 2012)

Being sp last is _rough_. It's like I can't handle real life or something.

I can't really cook. I can make things that are already prepared, have directions on the package, and I can toss a few things in a pan. The former two get boring and repetitive. The later is just plain gross. I don't think much about what kinds of things I eat, though fortunately I think fruits and vegetables are delicious so I eat more of those than chips or candy and water comes from my sink while soda has to be bought, so that saves me a little bit. But sometimes I'll go for crazy amounts of time without eating and not even think about it.
I don't have a problem with not exercising. I like the intensity of working out (and how it makes me look), and I dance a lot, so that keeps me fairly active. But if I didn't love it (and owned a television), I could see myself being a total couch potato.
I rarely, if ever, clean. My room is a mess and I don't even own a vacuum cleaner. Dust and dirt accumulates on things and I only really clean when it's unbearable or somebody is going to see it. Even then "cleaning" usually equals "throw everything into the closet/basement/garage and deal with it later". But I never end up dealing with it later.
I put little thought into money, bills, and finances. I don't have a budget or anything and my source of income is often a little unsteady. I rarely think about if my job is one that I'll have in a few years and when I do, it doesn't bother me. I'll just do something else, right? My ideal lifestyle would be backpacking around the world, waking up in a new place every day, and having no place to call home. Whenever I mention this to people they pop it by asking where I'll get my money from.
I'd be really bad at hygiene and personal care if I didn't care so much about how I look (thank you sx). I wash my hair and take care of my skin and nails, put on makeup, and workout, all so I can be more attractive. The one thing I can't do is get a decent amount of sleep, but the bags are nothing a little concealer won't cover up.
People tell me that I'm like an eternal child who won't grow up and deal with "proper adult responsibilities".

This comes out in my enneatype because usually I'm chasing after the next experience and rarely stopping to eat, clean, or pay my bills. That kind of stuff isn't fun. It's just a boring drag. So I blow it off in search of more adventure, people, things, etc. Sometimes I have "adult days" where I'll clean, do my bills, and try to cook, but once I'm done I'm all like, "Well, I've been an adult now. Cross that off the bucket list." and the next day I'm off doing something else and nothing gets done for weeks or months.
And I've tried developing it, but every time I have a plan in place and I borrow finance books and I get out the Windex, I stick to it diligently for a day and then it slowly winds up forgotten and I'm back to the way things were. All I wanted was to finally be able to handle real proper adult stuff, but for some reason I'm just never able to manage it. Frustrating. :frustrating:


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

mushr00m said:


> I consider the instincts my natural orientation and so bordering into my SX blind spot zone would be me hanging around with a load of other SX doms, that would be an example of venturing outside whats my usual attention spot. When I have been with SX's, *i've often felt like im a bit boring or playing safe* and that I might get goaded or called out for not wanting to get too involved with some of the intense activity they get up to. As a 6, it takes a while for me to observe and judge how safe it is for me to get involved. Being SX last(I don't think my SX is extremely low, its been developed over the years as a result of hanging around with all sorts of people, some bolder and some more timid etc) its allowed me to at least feel more comfortable around SX's and how they are but I need quite a lot of breaks in order to be able to sustain that level of intensity, I mean whilst they are still going for it and being energised by their activity, I feel more worn out. In a way being an SP dom seems quite introverted but also really is just me wanting to protect myself and my needs so I don't feel too engulfed. So yeah, lots of short breaks or a definite long break inbetween, time to recollect my thoughts and take in the experience helps in spending time with SX's. I don't think I will ever be completely comfortable going into full on SX mode say on a consistant basis, I like to save my energy but I do have my moments. Also, counterphobia looks similar to SX and so when I am counterphobic, I am much more firey.


I definitely relate to your post, mushr00m. I find it hard to throw myself wholeheartedly into anything, especially if it's not clearly mapped out and safe. This also reflects in my interpersonal relationships, where I have not only trouble opening up very much to people but also having other people feel comfortable opening up to me. Many of my relationships often feel altogether too shallow for my liking, but I also feel helpless to fix it. As an Sp-first, I don't want to be the first to be vulnerable as well. If approached with emotional intensity, I'm not sure I could handle it or match it.

I feel that having Sx-last manifests itself in my plainness. I can be cute, unintimidating, and approachable -- but never or rarely ever magnetic or deeply connected.



I'm trying to work on it, but I'm not exactly sure how to begin.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Hello @staticmud @bombsaway @Sonny, I can relate a lot to what you guys are saying.

You're stories remind me of this little gem:

Hyperbole and a Half: This is Why I'll Never be an Adult

Pretty much puts me at either sp-first or sp-last. It's so true.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

holyrockthrower said:


> You're stories remind me of this little gem:
> 
> Hyperbole and a Half: This is Why I'll Never be an Adult


Lol I related to that a fair bit, so I don't think it rules out sp-first xD


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Wow. Now I know why Sx/So is supposedly a rare type :laughing:

I don't get how anyone can just forget to eat. I can never do that, unless I'm particularly enthralled by some sort of project. Even so, I'd make sure to attend to my needs ASAP - it would still be in the back of my mind.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm SO-last. For me, it's mostly about being very clumsy and somewhat 'blind' in social situations. I've always had to be scolded over what was appropriate and wasn't ever since I was a child. I have difficulty dealing with formality, because I'm too compelled to cross that obstacle and establish a more intimate bond. I don't know how to be poised and 'smooth' socially. I don't know how to pretend to enjoy a conversation when neither the subject or the people discussing it are interesting to me. I don't even see the value in pretending, for the sake of just having 'connections'.

I have a hard time seeing beyond the group of friends/intimates I have established for myself. Society at large? Not even on my radar. In a way, it's sort of selfish I suppose. In reality, it's just that the scope of my concern is small & I like it that way.


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## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

I'm noticing a trend here - that a lot of people seem to have aspects of their blindspot under control if they relate heavily to their dominant instinct. For instance, the example about keeping care of one's personal hygiene as it relates to the sx - instinct (in us sx/so's.) Maybe that might be a valid 'technique' then, for improving one's blindspot?? 

I personally feel a lot of anxiety about the idea that I might be too 'immature' for a potential lover, that my inability to keep my place clean, my body healthy, etc, etc might put a strain on an otherwise good relationship. Maybe re-framing the needs of our blindspot in light of our dominant instinct might be a way of 'cheating' somewhat, a way of *annexing/absorbing* our blindspot into our dominant? I'm certainly tempted to try! 

The next time I feel to lazy to get a haircut, etc, I'm going to try to remember: "what kind of girl would find this helmet of hair attractive? get a haircut for **** sake!" (we'll see if it works...XD )


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

thwoomp said:


> I'm noticing a trend here - that a lot of people seem to have aspects of their blindspot under control if they relate heavily to their dominant instinct. For instance, the example about keeping care of one's personal hygiene as it relates to the sx - instinct (in us sx/so's.) Maybe that might be a valid 'technique' then, for improving one's blindspot??
> 
> I personally feel a lot of anxiety about the idea that I might be too 'immature' for a potential lover, that my inability to keep my place clean, my body healthy, etc, etc might put a strain on an otherwise good relationship. Maybe re-framing the needs of our blindspot in light of our dominant instinct might be a way of 'cheating' somewhat, a way of *annexing/absorbing* our blindspot into our dominant? I'm certainly tempted to try!
> 
> The next time I feel to lazy to get a haircut, etc, I'm going to try to remember: "what kind of girl would find this helmet of hair attractive? get a haircut for **** sake!" (we'll see if it works...XD )


That's an interesting thought.

It actually connects with something I pondered this week. It was a really sucky week for me and no matter what I did, I found it hard to shake the feeling of being without support in my troubles. I have a good friend and parents who listened to me vent and ramble, but I didn't have (and never have had) someone to just hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. I've always had to do that for myself. And it just feels lonely.

If I were to explore the Sx-last areas of my life, it would likely be motivated by my Sp-first needs.


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## Recede (Nov 23, 2011)

I can relate to virtually every post in this thread so far. Especially the sp blindspot ones, somehow. o.o


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@_thwoomp_

That makes a lot of sense actually. I wonder if that's why I take care of my SP needs? On the other hand, not taking care of myself physically, not having my shit together does make me feel like I would be less of an ideal partner. 

Interesting thought. I think though, that it would still feel like a chore even if it was for the purpose of indulging your SX instinct. I don't feel like neglecting my SO instinct would make me undesirable in the eyes of my partner, why would it? It's a blindspot specifically because I don't feel it's important.


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## staticmud (Jun 28, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> I think though, that it would still feel like a chore even if it was for the purpose of indulging your SX instinct. I don't feel like neglecting my SO instinct would make me undesirable in the eyes of my partner, why would it? It's a blindspot specifically because I don't feel it's important.


I do try to take good care of myself to make myself more attractive, but the whole time I still think it's unimportant. I wish that people would learn to think that sloppy clothing and messy hair are attractive. But since they don't, I take my time in front of the mirror with my makeup and picking out my clothes. I hate doing it, but I hate going out looking like I just rolled out of bed more. And as much as I know that getting my house in order and my finances under control would probably be beneficial to a long-term relationship, I still haven't gotten over what a drag they are. SP matters always seem like a waste of time to me, even when SX gets in there and reminds me that for some reason other people care about that kind of stuff and I'd better do it. I still hate it.


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## QrivaN (Aug 3, 2012)

I'm an sp/so/sx. All I can really say as downside is that, when I'm alone with someone, no matter who it is, I get really shy and quiet. Combine that with being sp-dominate, I'm just really uncomfortable being alone with someone. It's kinda awkward, though. I much prefer being alone, but I'd rather be with a group than alone with someone. Not entirely sure why.


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

stephiphi said:


> That's an interesting thought.
> 
> It actually connects with something I pondered this week. It was a really sucky week for me and no matter what I did, I found it hard to shake the feeling of being without support in my troubles. I have a good friend and parents who listened to me vent and ramble, but I didn't have (and never have had) someone to just hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. I've always had to do that for myself. And it just feels lonely.
> 
> If I were to explore the Sx-last areas of my life, it would likely be motivated by my Sp-first needs.


Just realized that I completely forgot the fact that I'm a 2 plays into this as well. My desire to be loved and appreciated coupled with my fear of being unlovable would result in the feelings I described above.

And a question: *How does one try to press into their Sexual blindspot?* It seems so straightforward with Sp and So blindspots; just take care of practical or group-oriented matters, respectively. But Sexual isn't just going in for the kill for everyone one-on-one, right?

The only thing I've been considering lately is feeling my emotions all the way through. I'm so cautious of letting people in too quickly that I'm always a comfortable distance away, even if I do really adore someone. What does it mean to feel my disappointment all the way to its roots and then back up to neutral? Is this anything close to Sx? (I'm just rambling...)


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@stephiphi

I think it's about being more comfortable with intimacy and passion, and actually seeing the benefits of it. I'm not trying to stereotype but my SX-last parents would never trust their impulses or pursue their passions, instead choosing to be more cautious and responsible (SP) and worrying about their reputation (SO). It's so rare for my parents to be truly, *genuinely* excited about something. They think so much about the pros and cons that any inherent value of an activity/hobby/interest is lost in the process. 

Maybe what would help is disinhibition. Being more attuned to your desires and needs in the moment & following them. No second guessing.


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

@kaleidoscope

Everything you said pretty much hit the nail on the head for me.

This:
*Being more attuned to your desires and needs in the moment & following them. No second guessing.*

The idea scares, but intrigues me. I have taken the initiative before, but not without mulling it over for long stretches of time.

I don't really have a lot of intense desires most days, though.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@stephiphi

I'm glad it fits your experience, since I'm basically relying on my observations of my parents and an ex boyfriend, lol. Yes, sometimes the absence of need for intensity also plays into this. I suggest you find something that you feel passionate about. It could be anything. Pursue that. Make an effort to be more adventurous, to try new things, to embrace every experience, etc. Hell, even befriending SX-doms would benefit you. They'll help you get carried away :wink:


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## Octavarium (Nov 27, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> @_stephiphi_
> 
> I think it's about being more comfortable with intimacy and passion, and actually seeing the benefits of it. I'm not trying to stereotype but my SX-last parents would never trust their impulses or pursue their passions, instead choosing to be more cautious and responsible (SP) and worrying about their reputation (SO). It's so rare for my parents to be truly, *genuinely* excited about something. They think so much about the pros and cons that any inherent value of an activity/hobby/interest is lost in the process.
> 
> Maybe what would help is disinhibition. Being more attuned to your desires and needs in the moment & following them. No second guessing.


I must be sp/so then; what you said about your parents sounds a lot like me. I've been stuck between sp/so and sp/sx because I'm not at all outgoing, I don't like small talk/networking and I do relate to certain aspects of the so blindspot, like finding it difficult to depend on anyone. I also thought I was into "intimacy" but I'm probably defining that word differently to the way a sx type would see it (but that's probably a topic for another thread.)

To answer your question, assuming I am sp/so, I rarely get very excited about anything and I've been told I should be more enthusiastic. When I do outwardly get excited it feels sort of out of control and I start thinking I've made myself look like an idiot.

I don't always find so things important; you're not going to get me to socialise with anyone if I haven't had enough sleep, or if the people I'm supposed to be talking to are somewhere that's cold and I've got a warm room I can go to. My sp needs come first. sx, on the other hand, seems to me like a nice luxury rather than something essential.


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## Hespera (Jun 3, 2011)

I'm SO/SP and I can relate to a lot of what's been said so far here about SX-last, especially being a bit awkward when alone with someone and not being the least bit spontaneous.

I don't, however, have a problem with enthusiasm. Keeping it up consistently, maybe, but not get excited about things. I squeal every time a trailer for "The Hobbit" comes on, for goodness sake. 

I think my energy is more broad and not intense and I find it difficult to be deeply interested in anything. I was a Creative Writing major but didn't feel like I would make a good writer because I don't have the frantic _hunger _to write that so many of my classmates did. I'm lazy and fall into patterns instead of being immersed in my passions.

I also suck at eye contact. It feels like I'm penetrating someone's inner being (or vice versa) and I DON'T LIKE IT. I guess it's sort of synonymous with how I deal with people. In general I really like them and want to connect with them, but I don't know how to engage, at least at first. Totally unself-aware about how I come off and I'm not comfortable dealing with boundaries, so I use social rules as a sort of proxy I guess. I'm so awkward!


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## Octavarium (Nov 27, 2012)

sarahmariev said:


> I'm SO/SP and I can relate to a lot of what's been said so far here about SX-last, especially being a bit awkward when alone with someone and not being the least bit spontaneous.
> 
> I don't, however, have a problem with enthusiasm. Keeping it up consistently, maybe, but not get excited about things. I squeal every time a trailer for "The Hobbit" comes on, for goodness sake.
> 
> ...


I find this interesting from a personal point of view because I have done, and am doing, a lot of arts-related things (mainly creative writing andvarious forms of music). I haven't made the most practical choices in terms of my education, but at the same time I fear that everyone will think my qualifications are useless. So I've done things I'm passionate about, but also feel a bit uneasy about it, because the world needs doctors, engineers, police, even shopkeepers, not people like me with a load of arts qualifications.


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## Hespera (Jun 3, 2011)

Octavarium said:


> So I've done things I'm passionate about, but also feel a bit uneasy about it, because the world needs doctors, engineers, police, even shopkeepers, not people like me with a load of arts qualifications.


I love to express myself creatively, when I have the energy. Singing and writing are my favorites. I don't really feel guilt about having an art degree so much as fear...I don't think I'm remotely good enough (or more accurately, dedicated enough) to "make it," so I might as well do something more practical. If anything I envy those who pursue the arts and love them with abandon. Sometimes I'm sure it's torture, but sometimes it might be sublime.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

I'm glad that you made this thread, because it forces me to look at certain aspects of my personality I often don't like to consider. I think that's why it was such a struggle to find my stacking, because part of me wants to appear put together and another part of me feels like I'm a train wreck.

Being sp-last can be a nightmare. 

- I forget everything. How is it possible for me to be so intuitive about others and their motivations, and then leave my purse sitting in the middle of a train station? I'll forget which pocket I have what in, even though I just put stuff there like five seconds before. It's like my mind doesn't go to places that are sensible; my brain doesn't stop itself with any encoded "THIS IS IMPORTANT" signal. It's like I'm always missing the message.
- I can't do anything practical, and I don't do anything to practically fix this. Like a previous user, I also can't cook. At all. Do I order food? No. I just don't eat. I'll throw myself into something else, or get extremely engrossed in a novel I'm reading, and completely forget about it.
- I superficially clean. I don't do this with any rhyme or reason. I will gather up my clothes and put them, unceremoniously, in the closet. I will not use cleaning products. I will not vacuum. I will not dust. I will keep things to where they at least LOOK nice - the cracks don't show. Just don't look under the bed.
- I find mail tiresome and will conveniently forget it for about two weeks at a time.
- I will pay my bills. Barely.
- My account is always at $1.21. And I think this is good.
- I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the thought that tomorrow, I will have to do the same routine of getting up and going to work again... and there's nothing I can do about it.
- I'm constantly bored doing my job. I have to always be listening to something, whether it be a movie, tv show, or an audiobook, otherwise I just won't do my work.
- I'm utterly helpless with maps and navigation of any kind. Me in a foreign country = lolforever. "Oh wait!! We were supposed to take the OTHER train...........now we're going to Munich. LOL oh well."
- I don't want to plan trips. I want to just go and do what I want to do. Being on a tour is one of the worst things I can possibly imagine, and I hate it. I want to be able to do my own thing and not follow guides or have rules or be preoccupied by what we're supposed to be doing/seeing. Otherwise I feel like I won't enjoy it.
- I have a cavalier "I won't care about this in ten years" attitude regarding money, which can sometimes get me in short term trouble... but it never stresses me out too much. I consider worrying about such things trivial and a waste of time, completely inconsequential to things that really matter in life. My SO finds this incredibly irresponsible... <_<
- I somehow manage to be intuitive and yet not see things that are directly in front of me. Translation: I fall a lot. I don't know if this is indicative of being sp-last necessarily, but I've gotten myself injured so many times that it isn't even funny. This doesn't seem very self-preserving...

Those are the main things that come to mind. I'm sure other people who know me well could point out at least 15 more.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@Snow White

How did you _*ever *_consider Sx/Sp? :laughing:

I'm not that extreme, actually. This has to do with being raised by two SP-doms, I'm sure. I'm not irresponsible, but I used to be growing up. With time and lots of effort, I learned to take care of myself properly. Still, every time I have to take on new responsibilities, such as the thought of living on my own when I'll be moving out and things like that, I get overwhelmed. Like.. I can't do this. *Someone else do it for me*. (<-- biggest blindspot indicator)


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## Sixty Nein (Feb 13, 2011)

Being an Sp/So, I tend to be ridiculously paranoid whenever it comes to financial concerns, despite not having a job at all. At first I have a strong sense of wanting something that sounds really awesome, but at the same time, I always check the price tag to see if it's affordable or not. Sometimes, I just wish that part of me would just die. I would love to just have the philosophy of, "fuck it, I want this thing. I want this thing so fucking much that I don't care if I have to sacrifice anything. I just want to do this thing RIGHT NOW." Y'know the saying of "The grass is always greener right?", I just wished I stopped holding back, instead of letting things all out in the open. Shit, I didn't even ask for anything for Christmas, because there is nothing that I would really want, even if I do want _something_.

I also have problems with attracting people towards me, mostly because I lack any sort of interesting characteristics (such as hobbies) that people would find attractive. It's as if I am nothing more than the faceless masses that surround me, and it sucks. Yet at the same time, I get panicky and weird whenever all of the attention is on me. As if I don't even know what to do in that situation, the feeling of not having any sexual intense side is dull. It's uninteresting, it's what I am. I will never really be interested in anything, the sensation of never finding anything that engages you. Yet, it's not because I tried everything and found them dull. It's the opposite, I've never given anything a chance. I never let anything engage me, because the idea of surrendering myself to any sort of passions, instead of not letting anything hurt me is something that I can intellectually understand about myself, but I still can't emotionally pound that into my head. I do have a sense of passion, but it burns out easily, and I just kind of become depressed after it.

I also tend to have a lack of self-awareness, but I've been getting better at that, so it's not all that bad. I just wish I would be able to have a sense of passion, and the ability to just bleed it all out on everyone. Yet I am said to be very reserved and disengaged from everything, despite the mask of silliness that I unknowingly wear. I really am a 6 sp, because as Naranjo put it. I put on the appearance of a clown (someone who is harmless), whenever I'm just both scared and apathetic about everything.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> @_Snow White_
> 
> How did you _*ever *_consider Sx/Sp? :laughing:
> 
> I'm not that extreme, actually. This has to do with being raised by two SP-doms, I'm sure. I'm not irresponsible, but I used to be growing up. With time and lots of effort, I learned to take care of myself properly. Still, every time I have to take on new responsibilities, such as the thought of living on my own when I'll be moving out and things like that, I get overwhelmed. Like.. I can't do this. *Someone else do it for me*. (<-- biggest blindspot indicator)


LOL that's exactly how I feel about the mundane financial responsibilities. "...Someone do this for me. I'm just going to go get a lemonade."

I think I considered sx/sp because I'm so introverted, quiet, and like spending a lot of time in my own head. This somehow made me think that I had to be so-last, because I was under the false impression that sos were like party animals with a lot of friends, social butterflies, and generally the life of the party. While I can be extremely social in certain circumstances, I always considered myself more of a wallflower. However, I desire the attention of others and seek it out, sometimes subconsciously.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

@Snow White, you're reading my mind. Seriously, I could have written exactly the same thing.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@Snow White

SX/SO's are always portrayed as rock stars who want to influence the world, and are super extroverted :mellow:

I am a walking contradiction of that stereotype, and it doesn't apply to withdrawn types at all. I think I'll work on rewriting a description of what SX/SO is like for me. You're welcome to join me in that!


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> SX/SO's are always portrayed as rock stars who want to influence the world, and are super extroverted :mellow:
> 
> I am a walking contradiction of that stereotype, and it doesn't apply to withdrawn types at all.


Well, I'm an assertive type and I can't relate much either


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

aconite said:


> Well, I'm an assertive type and I can't relate much either


You're an exception to many rules, it seems 

*polishes your 4 fix*


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> @_Snow White_
> 
> SX/SO's are always portrayed as rock stars who want to influence the world, and are super extroverted :mellow:
> 
> I am a walking contradiction of that stereotype, and it doesn't apply to withdrawn types at all. I think I'll work on rewriting a description of what SX/SO is like for me. You're welcome to join me in that!


I would love to! You, me, and @aconite would have a lot of good imput, I'd think.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

@Snow White

You're not an ENxP are you? A lot of what you wrote about being sp-last sounds like Si-inferiority as much as anything.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

holyrockthrower said:


> @_Snow White_
> 
> You're not an ENxP are you? A lot of what you wrote about being sp-last sounds like Si-inferiority as much as anything.



I don't think I'm an E. Right now I'm wearing the INFJ label, but I'm only pretty convinced about the INFx. I relate to Js in the sense that, when I do something, it has to be perfect and just so. However, I'm not a neat freak and I don't make lists. I'm more impulsive and don't like to be bogged down by boring everyday things. However, when it comes to my own interests and work, I'm extremely detail-oriented and practically obsessed. 

Like I said in my above post, I don't clean that much or that thoroughly, but I do clean for the presentation of it "looking" nice. Still, my work space and home is usually put together and I like for it to be. I'm not a spaz about it, but it will start to bother me if it doesn't look nice. This seems to confuse a lot of people who try to type me, so I get a bunch of P and J votes and can't really relate to either thread that say, "you know you're x when..."


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

@PimpinMcBoltage

This: Tiny Wisdom: The Fear of Spending Too Much Money | Tiny Buddha

And I feel you on the uninteresting. I feel like it traces back to my need for *balance*. I can't just throw myself into this one thing - I need to do all these other things that I really value and enjoy (or am responsible for doing)! I mean, I adore the thing, but just one? Really? You can replace "thing" with whatever you'd like to, but that's how I feel my life goes.


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

I'm officially pegging myself as sp-last. I'd assumed I was sp-first or -second because I am an insular hypochondriac who doesn't want to get hurt or sick, wants 8 full hours of sleep, and can stay inside the house all day with minimal human contact, and actually be happy like this. I'm not an activist, a figurehead, or someone who rides the waves of the social life or whatnot.


Then I had a revelation...a rather unpleasant one.

In the middle of teaching class today, I suddenly felt...not good. I felt kind of like I was getting an acid stomach like how you get when you're really hungry, and really weak and shaky. I hadn't eaten breakfast, so I thought it was some kind of sugar crash. Then my intestines started going wonky, and I started feeling all hot and sweaty. I just felt like I needed to sit down, I couldn't go on. I felt utterly drained of energy.


So I dismissed my class and sat down, and that's when I started getting really light-headed. I was blacking out and the room was fading. I laid down on the floor, where a. it was cool, and b. I could pass out without injuring myself.

That cleared my head up right away, and two of my students saw me and came over. I told them I thought I was just really hungry, and they gave me a peppermint which revived me. They told me I looked white as a sheet. I sat up and tried to pretend it never happened. 

Um, yeah. Then I remembered I had only eaten one meal yesterday, nothing today, and hadn't had anything to drink on either day except a lemon soda and a few sips from a water bottle, despite walking all around town in 90 degree sunny weather. And I was doing this to a body that's still not back to normal from a thyroid disorder (much as I try to deny this to myself). Probably that was the reason.

After a few minutes, I felt less shaky, and yes, I was ready to just walk home for 25 minutes in the sun (I decided against it, though).

This has never happened to me before (getting sick and passing out from hunger/thirst), and I should know, since I live like this on a daily basis. I'm not anorexic or anything, I just have a limited sense of this stuff being important RIGHT NOW when I'm onto something. I really tend to deny my physical needs and push through everything regardless of consequences. If I could be a disembodied mind...I'd actually be in my element. I mean, it's almost like I need my mom there to make me three meals a day and tell me when to go to bed...and this is from a woman going on 30 who's had health problems. 

*It's not that I don't care about my body/health, it's that it's hard to care about the little day-to-day maintenance things (like eating regularly), or the long-term planning for future sp-needs (I still don't know what a mortgage is, or why you'd want one).*

So, I'm thinking sp-last. That was like...frickin self-destructive.

And at the time of writing, I still haven't bothered to get anything to eat.


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