# I can't stop lying



## Chest (Apr 14, 2014)

Help me out, I can't stop lying and manipulating, this is getting out of control


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## Direct (May 12, 2014)

Are you lying that you are lying?


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## Chest (Apr 14, 2014)

Direct said:


> Are you lying that you are lying?


no, I'm serious now:sad:


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## losersalwayzwin (Mar 14, 2013)

is it everything you lie about or just a certain subject matter? ( as in do you lie about your feelings, about people, etc.)


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

Do you realize when you are lying? You know why you can't control what you are about to say? And why you think you have the need to lie? Also, the lies are about what? stories, feelings, people? 

Pathological liars have a really bad self esteem and not confidence at all, that's why they have the need of lying about everything. Maybe you should think in the exact moment when you are about to lie, the reason of what are you going to say, and why, in that exact moment, not after. What caused the other person to make you lie, maybe that's a way to get deep into the nature of the action and start to resolve the problem right from there.


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## Chest (Apr 14, 2014)

Lemxn said:


> maybe that's a way to get deep into the nature of the action and start to resolve the problem right from there.


I'm scared of going deep, honestly


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

Chest said:


> I'm scared of going deep, honestly


Of course you are scared. The truth is scary, but they may hurt you for a while. Lies hurts forever.


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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

don't worry you'll get better at it


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## Chest (Apr 14, 2014)

Lemxn said:


> Of course you are scared. The truth is scary, but they may hurt you for a while. Lies hurts forever.


Ok, thanks


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## N00bKefka (May 28, 2014)

Lying is like using paper to wrap fire. Fire is the truth and both truth and fire hurts when you are close to it. The thing about wrapping fire with paper is, you are just feeding it to make it become a bigger fire. The bigger the fire, the more it's going to hurt when you reveal it. I am not too sure what you lie about. Perhaps you start from here first?


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## Black Coffee (May 31, 2014)

Wow. How do you do it. Care to teach me? I tend to do that too. But a lot of times it get abit awkward due to my own set of moral codes. Wish I can throw them out of the window. 

Please drop me the guide. Thx you 

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk


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## BDBoop (May 26, 2014)

Chest said:


> Ok, thanks


I don't know how old you are. I was a huge liar as a kid, trying to avoid abuse. Then it became a habit, and within that time frame was also a means of getting attention. At some point in maturing, I realized I didn't like lying - I didn't like the way it made me feel, and who I was ... I was very ashamed. So I stopped. I never went back and apologized or anything, I just went forward in honesty. And it feels good to be known as a woman of honor.


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## Direct (May 12, 2014)

It's a good thing that you want to stop lying. I don't think there's technique for stopping it. It's just matter of your choice, to give it up. You are getting something out of it. There's like secret pleasure or benefit. Give this up and compulsion to lie will go away.


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

Realizing it is a bad thing is the first step. Stop making excuses for yourself and stop lying is the next step. It's never easy to break a habit, but it's very doable. I know you can, but only if you truly want to. Try listing out the reasons for yourself why you want to stop and writing them down, might help you find the motivation to follow through. No one can change it for you or change the past though, you have to take responsibility for your own actions.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

There is a reason you are lying. At first, it may be to cover for some inadequacy, real or imagined. Or perhaps to avoid negative fall out for your actions or thoughts, which can stem from associating with people who don't accept you for who you are. TBH, those close to us can be instrumental in fostering the feeling that we need to lie to cover up our perceived deficiencies. 

After a while, it becomes habitual. Eventually, it will bite us hard.

Make yourself look into yourself and find out what it is that is triggering this need to appear better in the eyes of others. Self-help books and counseling are a good place to start.

Then stop blurting out the first response to a situation that comes into your mind. Slow down and think through the validity of your statements and the potential repercussions to what you are about to say. Then tell the truth.

Sounds easy, but it is hard. I wish you the best.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Chest said:


> Help me out, I can't stop lying and manipulating, this is getting out of control



Root out your shadow. Get help.


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## Aqualung (Nov 21, 2009)

Sometimes lying can be a defense mechanism. In which case we have to dig deep to find what we're defending & resolve that, then the lying goes way. When I was a kid my dad taught me to lie. If I told the truth I got beaten, shamed & screamed at. If I told a lie (& succeeded) nothing happened. Lesson learned; I got good at lying. I associated truth with shame & lived in a make believe world. Everything was relative & the pain kept it that way but it was "safe". I even took ownership of problems that didn't belong to me & "rationalized" them to fit my comfort zone because "everything was my fault" & I thought I had to justify my existence. By 14 I was physically the same size & strength of my dad so the abuse changed to just verbal & I started standing up for myself & speaking the truth. In fact I threw it in his face to provoke him. Anyway, enough about me. You'll have to find what's driving the lying. It won't be comfortable. Could be shame, guilt, fear, pride or something else. Confront it. Face it down & don't allow it to dictate your choices. Don't allow it to be more powerful than you. Sometimes our needs own us & we're slaves to them. They call the shots & we obey, until we rise above them. Anyway, I can say this: once I could face someone, look them straight in the eye & tell them what they didn't want to hear without blinking I felt like a free man. The chains were off. Truth is sometimes awkward, ugly, confusing & scary but it's also liberating. The trust & respect people give you is priceless. And if someone can't handle the truth, that's their problem to deal with, not yours.


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## N00bKefka (May 28, 2014)

Aqualung said:


> Sometimes lying can be a defense mechanism. In which case we have to dig deep to find what we're defending & resolve that, then the lying goes way. When I was a kid my dad taught me to lie. If I told the truth I got beaten, shamed & screamed at. If I told a lie (& succeeded) nothing happened. Lesson learned; I got good at lying. I associated truth with shame & lived in a make believe world. Everything was relative & the pain kept it that way but it was "safe". I even took ownership of problems that didn't belong to me & "rationalized" them to fit my comfort zone because "everything was my fault" & I thought I had to justify my existence. By 14 I was physically the same size & strength of my dad so the abuse changed to just verbal & I started standing up for myself & speaking the truth. In fact I threw it in his face to provoke him. Anyway, enough about me. You'll have to find what's driving the lying. It won't be comfortable. Could be shame, guilt, fear, pride or something else. Confront it. Face it down & don't allow it to dictate your choices. Don't allow it to be more powerful than you. Sometimes our needs own us & we're slaves to them. They call the shots & we obey, until we rise above them. Anyway, I can say this: once I could face someone, look them straight in the eye & tell them what they didn't want to hear without blinking I felt like a free man. The chains were off. Truth is sometimes awkward, ugly, confusing & scary but it's also liberating. The trust & respect people give you is priceless. And if someone can't handle the truth, that's their problem to deal with, not yours.


That's how I become a very good liar myself though I tends not to lie nowadays. My mom punished me for mistakes I made. I get the same punishment despite telling her the truth or lie about it and her finding out the truth. Sometimes, a perfect lie can completely avoid the punishment. Hence, I started to lie at the age of 5 till I am adult.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I'm gonna give a valid reason not to do something but actually have an invalid motivation not to do it. Is that counted as lying?


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## superbundle (Nov 29, 2012)

Chest said:


> Help me out, I can't stop lying and manipulating, this is getting out of control


Well, as Humans we do whatever it takes to protect ourselves. We try our best to survive. It sounds like somewhere along your life, lying has helped you. It had become a way to cope, a way to defend yourself. Coping has the potential to get out of hand, but coping can also be a very great skill. 

The way I see it is that you have now witnessed the dark side of a light side. Figure out what that light side is. 

Also, if you're worried/feel ashamed about it/feel guilty/loathe/hate or any other negative emotional feeling attached to this, you'll have to eventually address it and forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself is the hard part, realistically, it will take more than a few tries. 

Now, I'm not assuming anything in this post. Just a condensed outline to bring your awareness to yourself. The answers you seek is yours to find.

If you need more explanations, I'd be happy to go further.. I'm basically advising you to take time with yourself to understand yourself. If you can be honest with yourself, that's a step in a productive direction. This post is proof* that you have the capability of being honest with yourself. Now, the hard part is deepening that honesty with yourself. In that way, you can become the master of yourself.


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## superbundle (Nov 29, 2012)

Chest said:


> I'm scared of going deep, honestly


Here you can ask yourself why you're scared of going deep. What sensations do you feel in your body? Usually the way your body reacts is a good indicator of how you're feeling inside. So you can also look in a mirror to observe _if you have trouble understanding yourself._ Also, you don't have to share what you find. Share when you're ready.


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## Chest (Apr 14, 2014)

please stop resurrecting my shitty threads, thanks


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## Leviticus Cornwall (Mar 27, 2014)

Chest said:


> Help me out, I can't stop lying and manipulating, this is getting out of control


Word from an ENTJ, if you want to say something, make it truthful then say it. You can still say whatever lies you want, as long as you do your homework first and make them true. Think it would be awesome to say you went to a 5 star hotel last summer or whatever, go to a 5 star hotel. 

Wish you could honestly say you were NOT with Jessica last Friday, then don't go out with Jessica haha. Bite it off at the head.


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