# ENTJ Father



## Lunaena (Nov 16, 2013)

This is an INFP, the daughter of a male ENTJ. How can I deal with him when he does not want to listen to me, and spends a large amount of time stating his opinion on something and I am not allowed to say something or interfere? These speeches are killing me slowly from the inside and I can no longer listen to him because it feels like I am being choked slowly by each word he says.

Our relationship goes from honest, philosophical and open to his anger controlling him and making him blind to other people's feelings. Sometimes, I want to tell him everything I feel, and other times, I want to tell him; "you have never understood me" - and then leave, forever.

I think he is a type 8 and has some 3, 4, 5 and 7 in him. I am an INFP, a 4w5. He claims he and I are similar in almost every way - how we think, what we think about and what questions we ask to ourselves and others. I see our nature similar, but he lives a life of business and money and seems to have lost his ideals and hope for a better world because he thinks it is impossible. He has stopped believing in aliens. He only sees the logical, practical side of life, and this side of him takes control of him when I disagree with him in something he believes in.


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## ChristynJ (Mar 27, 2014)

Other INFPs will probably have good advice for you. Have you tried the INFP forum?
Have you tried explaining to him that you feel stifled? Perhaps he expects you to stand up to him and refuse to back down about your opinions and explain why you believe that way, because that's what he would do? In my experience ENTJs are naturally forceful people, but they don't mean any harm by it. They expect you to react like they do.


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## Lunaena (Nov 16, 2013)

ChristynJ said:


> Other INFPs will probably have good advice for you. Have you tried the INFP forum?
> Have you tried explaining to him that you feel stifled? Perhaps he expects you to stand up to him and refuse to back down about your opinions and explain why you believe that way, because that's what he would do? In my experience ENTJs are naturally forceful people, but they don't mean any harm by it. They expect you to react like they do.


What triggered making this thread was because we just had a fight where I stood up against him. I don't back down on my opinions, and something inside of me just went insane because he kept raising his hand at me, saying "I do not care". It was impossible to say anything. I don't know how I can express to him I feel like I can't talk to him, because my mother also tells him this and he doesn't understand.


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## ChristynJ (Mar 27, 2014)

If he isn't receptive to hearing your opinions, he isn't worth discussing with. As an INTP, I only debate with people I respect. ENTJs seem to understand that with me. If he isn't being respectful, he doesn't deserve your opinion. Tell him so, and then refuse to debate with him until he behaves in a respectful way. Go tell your opinions to someone who is worthy of them.


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## herinb (Aug 24, 2013)

I don't have really wonderful advice other than I think you should stand up to him, but I really am curious about him not believing in aliens anymore. Did he used to?


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## xraydav (Jan 3, 2013)

Draumande Romvesen said:


> This is an INFP, the daughter of a male ENTJ. How can I deal with him when he does not want to listen to me, and spends a large amount of time stating his opinion on something and I am not allowed to say something or interfere? These speeches are killing me slowly from the inside and I can no longer listen to him because it feels like I am being choked slowly by each word he says.
> 
> Our relationship goes from honest, philosophical and open to his anger controlling him and making him blind to other people's feelings. Sometimes, I want to tell him everything I feel, and other times, I want to tell him; "you have never understood me" - and then leave, forever.
> 
> I think he is a type 8 and has some 3, 4, 5 and 7 in him. I am an INFP, a 4w5. He claims he and I are similar in almost every way - how we think, what we think about and what questions we ask to ourselves and others. I see our nature similar, but he lives a life of business and money and seems to have lost his ideals and hope for a better world because he thinks it is impossible. He has stopped believing in aliens. He only sees the logical, practical side of life, and this side of him takes control of him when I disagree with him in something he believes in.


Try to put yourself physically in his shoes, and try to understand how he may view your actions. it's probably just a misunderstanding of character, on either end.


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## ChristynJ (Mar 27, 2014)

^Agreed. How were you behaving? You can't expect him to be respectful if you weren't. Set the standard of behavior for those around you.


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## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

I am an ENTJ 8w9, my brother is an INFP 4w5. 

The dynamic will be a little different but maybe I can help shine some light onto the matter.

My bro and I have really deep intellectual conversations. We are very opposite in values but we've always had the ability to debate without getting upset at each other. I am not sure I can say this if my son/daughter were an INFP, however. It's purely the power dynamic (sorry but that's the way it is for an ENTJ). So long as you are under my roof, my care, my provisions, my opinion will always trump yours. 

It sounds like one moment you are really connecting with him and another you want to run away. Are you sure that's not just you being sensitive? 

How old are you, by the way? Are you old enough to get your own job? Old enough to provide and care for yourself? 

As an ENTJ, the only way I'd be able to take a "subordinate" and their opinions seriously is if they can show independent thought. So if you have a differing opinion, you need to approach him logically about it. Be prepared to defend the position with sources. If it boils down to a difference in values, you must state it. State it as a fact. "Dad, I believe X because of 1,2,3. The bottom line is that we disagree on X." 

If it's not worth your efforts, keep mum and just wait until you are in more of a position to be independent.

When he's on a rant, ask framing questions. You can later inject your opinions that way. Stand up (not TO HIM) but for yourself. You have to advocate for yourself or he won't hear you/or give you the chance.

I just went to ask my INFP bro what he would do. LOL (he's not much help sorry). He just said quote, "I'd just say yes, yes, okay, and let you carry on believing your thing so that I can go on believing my own thing." Basically he would "run away".
<_<


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## adultchildofalieninvaders (Aug 29, 2014)

ChristynJ said:


> If he isn't receptive to hearing your opinions, he isn't worth discussing with. As an INTP, I only debate with people I respect. ENTJs seem to understand that with me. If he isn't being respectful, he doesn't deserve your opinion. Tell him so, and then refuse to debate with him until he behaves in a respectful way. Go tell your opinions to someone who is worthy of them.


Yup, this is boundaries 101. If he's not open to seeing your point of view, why do you persist on trying? He doesn't HAVE to get you, you know, you can just acknowledge that you differ here and that you have no control over his emotions, behaviour or beliefs and leave it at that. It's vastly liberating to realise that we're all ultimately responsible for ourselves and that we have no power over other people.

It'd be nice if we could all understand each other, but sometimes that's just not going to happen. Act accordingly.


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