# ISTJ-INTJ Personal Conflict



## Akrasiel

I have an ISTJ friend, who is at times ISFJ, and we are very close. Despite not having much in common, we care pretty deeply for each other and never seem to bore each other. (It's not at all a romantic relationship) It seems though, that there is some great issue that both of us are completely unaware of, yet it causes such big issues. Sometimes in conversation, I'll be talking normally and my ISTJ friend will say that I deeply hurt them. I never really know what I say that offends people, but when they tell me what I said and how it offended them, I am puzzled. I explain it perfectly, my logic on how I came to such a conclusion about them, but they cannot be anything but hurt by it. Pretty much we just take time away from each other, and when we reunite, they are good as new. Either that, or they are dissatisfied until I change my reasoning, which takes effort, but is something I can and do alter (rarely).

Please, opine.


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## Grey

Funny - this happens with my ISTJ friend as well.

If by opine you mean 'expand', then I shall. This person, and not ISTJs in general, may be quick to jump the gun, but the type, as we INTJs do, stick closely to their principles. The important thing is to ask them up front and directly what you say that hurts them, and more importantly, how you can rectify the situation. If it means not mentioning a certain subject any more, so be it. The friendship ought to be based on more than one subject, after all.


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## Akrasiel

Grey said:


> Funny - this happens with my ISTJ friend as well.
> 
> If by opine you mean 'expand', then I shall. This person, and not ISTJs in general, may be quick to jump the gun, but the type, as we INTJs do, stick closely to their principles. The important thing is to ask them up front and directly what you say that hurts them, and more importantly, how you can rectify the situation. If it means not mentioning a certain subject any more, so be it. The friendship ought to be based on more than one subject, after all.


True, I'm never quite sure what they are thinking though. When they explain to me why it bothers them, it seems almost like they don't have a clear idea why, but are sure that it does. My reasoning usually tries to find out what I feel and why I feel it, but theirs seems more focused on what they feel, and what caused it (externally). Do you know if SJ's in general are more oriented as such?


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## Grey

Function-wise, ISTJs are not - their functions go Si-Te-Fi-Ne, which is similar to the INTJs, which goes Ni-Te-Fi-Se. Other SJ types may have their feelings oriented towards the external world (Fe), but I don't believe this is typical of the temperament. If anything, I believe it's a product of misunderstanding - SJs, or xSxx types in general, may have a tendency to come across differently to N or NJ types than they attempted to, and vice versa.


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## Akrasiel

Grey said:


> Function-wise, ISTJs are not - their functions go Si-Te-Fi-Ne, which is similar to the INTJs, which goes Ni-Te-Fi-Se. Other SJ types may have their feelings oriented towards the external world (Fe), but I don't believe this is typical of the temperament. If anything, I believe it's a product of misunderstanding - SJs, or xSxx types in general, may have a tendency to come across differently to N or NJ types than they attempted to, and vice versa.


What do you think now grey, because of my high Se?


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## Grey

You could be sending out mixed signals - because of a combination of high Ni and Se, this may be completely counter-productive in moments where you are not aware, and you may come across as completely confusing or offensive to someone with dominant Si.


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