# I have a huge crush on this guy.. I type as an ENFP .. he types an INFJ =D



## marrymehotcheeto (Feb 23, 2011)

So, there's this guy who is just absolutely stunning, and fun, smart, adorable.. all these amazing things! I'm so enamored by him. 
My question is, should I tell him I like him? What should I do? I truthfully don't know if it's reciprocated. 

I initially typed him (internally) as an ENFJ. He was really freaking charismatic, and then I was so intrigued that upon 5 minutes of meeting him, asked if he's heard of mbti and convinced him to take the test. Then I found out his personality orientation is INFJ, and I was like whoa so interested in getting to know him. 

Now, we've had a chance to become acquainted.. more than acquainted. Like, skype video chats upwards of 7 hours, and ending wee in the morning when the sun rises. 

That was a month ago. He stopped talking to me out of the blue, and even admitted once that he was considering distancing himself from me because I seemed manipulative, as if I was using him, or could "see right through him". What does this mean? What is this madness! I really like this guy... 

I know this is a huge generalization; INFJs are SOOO sexyyyy.....

Finally, after having the nerve to send an inconspicuous text message, he's making plans to bike ride from his house in LA to mine which is 55 minutes driving distance. He wants to visit me on Monday, and skype tomorrow..

What? What? What?


----------



## marrymehotcheeto (Feb 23, 2011)

Omg, I introduced him to MBTI analysis, hope he doesnt stumble upon this post...


----------



## Black Rabbit (Apr 15, 2010)

If you're worried he might come across this post, edit out the incriminating details (i.e. location, biking, skype dates etc.)


----------



## ardentauthor (Jul 7, 2011)

I don't think I would tell him straight out that you like him. Maybe hint at it. If he doesn't reciprocate, you don't want him to feel uncomfortable. How does he act around you? Do you notice things he does around you that he doesn't do around others? What do you talk about? Do you get the feeling he shares a part of himself that he doesn't share with others? All of these can be indicators of how he feels about you. It sounds to me (and I could be wrong) that the reason he stopped talking with you at one point was because he was overwhelmed. (This may or may not be the case, I'm just speculating.)


----------



## Resolution (Feb 8, 2010)

Not to speak for all of us, but INFJs generally look for a lockup of values. 

The process during which we evaluate someone's dateability, we not only need to be attracted and energized by the person, but also get a "read" that the person we're speaking to shares our values.

When he stated that he thought you were "manipulative"... he is viewing your Fi with his Fe, unfair to you, without a doubt. To you... your Fi is just an expression of your true feelings... but he expects that every Feeling-expression you make, you make knowing how it will affect others. That is generally how Fe operates. 

What he is probably actually on about, is that he doesn't agree with how your feelings are utilized and the reactions that they elicit from those around you... but he is unaware that your expressions are not done with the intent of how they affect others, you are just expressing yourself. 

This is a classic misunderstanding. 

From what I can see here, there is definitely chemistry. Show him your values, if they match, and he should become even more intrigued.

Best of luck (Best friend INFP)


----------



## SilentKnight44750 (Jul 14, 2011)

If he likes you just as much or atleast somewhat as you do, you really have nothing to worry about. I would give him his space and if he really likes you and misses you, he'll make an initial response to you being gone. It could be a offline message, phone call whatever...

If you do have any more conversations, I would steer away from doing what he calls manipulative. Though, you may not know what that is. What is it that your doing? Can you describe how things happened up to the point where he deemed you as manipulative?


----------



## marrymehotcheeto (Feb 23, 2011)

Troisi said:


> If you're worried he might come across this post, edit out the incriminating details (i.e. location, biking, skype dates etc.)


lol good idea. how do you edit a thread??


----------



## marrymehotcheeto (Feb 23, 2011)

ardentauthor said:


> I don't think I would tell him straight out that you like him.
> 
> It sounds to me (and I could be wrong) that the reason he stopped talking with you at one point was because he was overwhelmed. (This may or may not be the case, I'm just speculating.)


GREAT advice, ardentauthor, I was so completely ITCHING to jumpstart something, and will definitely just kick back. 
The thing that's frustrating is the whole retreat thing that he did (which i don't know is some characteristic marker for you infj guys). 
That part utterly sucks, and maybe if you've done this before you might be able to explain to me. It's very cryptic behavior. 

I am attracted to him, and I'm bothered by this, so the responsible thing would be to be direct about it, right? 

If someone approached you with these inquiries would you be freaked out??
What I really want to know is WHY talk to me for so long, and the way we did?? It was super intimate, without saying anything overtly intimate, but more in the manner of which we spoke, displaying ourselves in a .. idk.. a really revealing, like.. psychosomatic way. Like, it was MENTAL SEX. 

One time, I said to him "I feel as if you're a well, and I'm a bucket brimming with your water." And the next night, he said "You know, I'd rather be in your well than doing something else." OMG, steamy. Anyways, so there were these really definitive moments, and I want to make sense of them! And then this really nice chemistry we had just sort of dissipated,but I was STILL there, waiting for it.

Kind of like playing with a ball, and it starts off with a toss. Maybe I toss it to you, and maybe you toss it to me, and then soon we're pretty consistent, and then maybe if I want to create some momentum, I'll go back a little further and then.. it just ended he didn't throw the ball back. And now we're pseudo-tossing it. But it's like not really being in the game, we're kinda multitasking doing other things.
Why disappear intermittently... THEN make plans and talk with me, as if there was never any month long pause in our interactions?
!!


Anyways, I wonder if you understand where I'm going with this. Thanks for replying.


----------



## marrymehotcheeto (Feb 23, 2011)

Btmangan said:


> Not to speak for all of us, but INFJs generally look for a lockup of values.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Awesome insight!! Very helpful!!


----------



## Black Rabbit (Apr 15, 2010)

marrymehotcheeto said:


> lol good idea. how do you edit a thread??


You're only able to edit a post within a 24 hour time frame. Maybe you can ask a moderator to help you.


----------



## ardentauthor (Jul 7, 2011)

marrymehotcheeto said:


> GREAT advice, ardentauthor, I was so completely ITCHING to jumpstart something, and will definitely just kick back.
> The thing that's frustrating is the whole retreat thing that he did (which i don't know is some characteristic marker for you infj guys).
> That part utterly sucks, and maybe if you've done this before you might be able to explain to me. It's very cryptic behavior.
> 
> ...


I can't really speak for him, because I haven't been in this position, but I would imagine there was something you did (it probably wasn't something big or something you'd notice, but we're pretty nit-picky) that made him withdraw in the first place. Like @SilentKnight44750 said, give him his space and try to avoid whatever it is that you did (I know it's hard since you don't really know, but...). I would casually ask him what you're asking here...or perhaps imply it. Say something like 'what have you been doing for the past month?' Try to pose it lightly if you can, so he doesn't feel as if you're accusing him. 

I'm still curious as to why he said you were 'manipulative.' Do you think you could elaborate more on that conversation?


----------



## marrymehotcheeto (Feb 23, 2011)

Yeah definitely and Silentknight thanks for asking. 

He was referring to how we became familiar with each other, really indiscriminately. The first time we met it was easy to talk till 2 and then conveniently take a little 6 hour nap on the floor lol , and it happened for the next few weeks.
One time, I said pondering aloud like this: Wow, we spend a lot of time talking to each other. This is odd. And I don’t do this with other people. It’s not like I’m using you for anything. Not for advice, and not for attention.
He said : I’m really glad to hear that because I was going to start distancing myself from you. I thought you were using me to spite an ex-lover or something. You kinda have this manipulative look in pictures. 
It’s your eyes, right in the eyebrow area. It’s the way you look into the cameras like you can see beyond, and you know exactly what’s going on, inside the picture, with the people around you, and that you’re looking at what’s going on outside of the picture saying “Maybe you don’t know what’s happening, but I do”


----------



## Cerebro (Jul 30, 2011)

As an INFJ guy, I can relate a lot to this.

When you said you were manipulative and could see right through him, that's were an INFJ gets scared. INFJ's have an uncanny ability to read people, strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, fictional characters, even. They also are used to people not understanding them at all. When he felt you could see through him, he probably got very scared, since now he's under the microscope. INFJ's also do not like to bother others with their problems, instead insisting on taking on the problems of others, normally past their breaking point. It was new to him, and J's don't like novelty as much as you would. We embrace it later, but are scared initially of what may come.

When he said he'd come by and see you, he's getting over his fear. You're in his path if he's already riding his bike. And he wants to talk to you. Now he feels he can put himself in a position where he can jump in, and he'd hate himself for bailing on seeing you if he forces himself to.

Bottom line: INFJ's overanalyze. We've got so much going on in our heads, so many feelings, and it all has to do with others around us. So when it comes time that the subject is the object that is affected, we have to retreat and figure it out. INFJ's are complex. It can be a very attractive feature, but it's also a huge hassle, sometimes on both parties.

Hope this helps. Just remember that his mind works differently than yours, good and bad ways. MBTI is an awesome place to start understanding the mind of an INFJ.


----------

