# Do feelers cry more than thinkers?



## applechan53 (Jan 15, 2015)

VioletTru said:


> Yes, this and many other factors would come into play (trauma, upbringing, comfort level with vulnerability, etc.)


Yeah, I agree. A bad upbringing could either harden someone or make them more vulnerable, depending on their personality type and a host of other factors. And some Thinkers are naturally better at emotional expression and vulnerability (The extraverts, maybe? I'm not sure). Trauma, of course, affects everybody for the worse.
In my personal experience, the biggest factor (outside of my introversion) is work-or-relationship-related stress. The second is frustration when people (mainly extraverts) talk over me as I struggle to put my Ni-ideas into words. With one or two exceptions, I usually don't release those emotions until I'm alone.

But I've realized something: The question isn't whether Thinkers or Feelers cry more, but whether Thinkers are saddened as quickly and strongly as Feelers. Often, when bombarded with negative emotions, I either just suck it up and deal with it or can't _make_ myself cry. But I'd be willing to bet that certain things make me just as sad as your average Feeler.
Still, the majority of the time I just feel numb, or, with things like charity ads on TV, prefer to analyze the persuasion techniques used rather than pay attention to the actual problem. As an INTJ it takes a lot to make me feel "_sad_" per se, but a kind of "painful numbness" often replaces it. I'm not sure if anyone else feels the same.

Really, I think I might just be overanalyzing the whole thing; perhaps Thinkers and Feelers just feel sad at different times for different reasons, and neither of us can quite understand the other.


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## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

I cry like a little spoiled girl who's family is going through bankruptcy. It's actually ridiculous. But there's always some reason for it, even if seemingly foolish. 

I've seen my ISTP grandfather cry multiple times - out of nostalgia mostly. And few other thinking guys have confessed me their frequent tearing up for movies and so. I actually feel like their tears are more genuine than mine, as they aren't as frequent. Then you know - that shit really touched them.

But let's not mix crying only with sadness. For the most part my tears are actually tears of joy.


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## Harizu (Apr 27, 2014)

I hardly ever cry. Anyway, in my late teens I started crying more often than how I did as a child. I mean, I still hardly ever cry but as a child I almost never did. My mother told me I didn't even cry on my first day of kindergarten.
Even when something bad happens, most of the times I don't feel like crying, and when I do, I try not to do it in front of other people because that makes me feel weak. Only two people (excluding my closest family members) have seen me cry during an emotional breakdown in the last years and they were both people I trusted very much.
Oh, and when I cry I usually don't know why I do.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

I cry when I am sad. I am rarely sad or moody. I think I cried when Dr. Willson from House got cancer, also I cried when watching this video that would make you cry. also i cried two times about personal stuff. thats pretty much all my 2013 and 2014 crying


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## Flaming Bassoon (Feb 15, 2013)

I've always cried easily, but rarely in a public place, only alone or with close family members.


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

Word Dispenser said:


> I think the show Supernatural is a great example of a Thinking + Feeling duo.
> 
> Notice that Dean is the thinker of the duo, and he is also the one who has the most trouble with feeling-- Ie: He cries more. He rages more.
> 
> ...


I think a lot of people, thinkers particularly, crack when they hit feeling. I can see it coming too, and often try to speed up the process. Most people get weak around emotion. It is like something on the edge of a cliff, keep pushing it. It will run out of solid ground and crash. 

Jung said that women are generally tougher on the inside, emotionally. They are considered weak physically. Whereas men are tough on the outside, and weak on the inside. They are scared of their feelings. And have a "womanly weakness" towards them. So men are strong on the outside, and women are strong on the inside. 

Jung from Psychological Types:

The relation of the individual to the outer object must be sharply distinguished from the relation to the subject. By the subject I mean those vague, dim stirrings, feelings, thoughts, and sensations which have no demonstrable flow towards the object from the continuity of conscious experience, but well up like a disturbing, inhibiting, or at times beneficent, influence from the dark inner depths, from the background and underground of consciousness which, in their totality, constitute one’s perception of the unconscious life. 

As they are inflexible and inaccessible outwardly, so are they weak, flaccid, and determinable in relation to their inner processes. In such cases, therefore, the inner attitude corresponds with an inner personality diametrically opposed and different from the outer.

Experience teaches us that the soul is wont to contain all those general human qualities the conscious attitude lacks. The tyrant tormented by bad dreams, gloomy forebodings, and inner fears, is a typical figure. Outwardly inconsiderate, harsh,. and unapproach-able, he is inwardly susceptible to every shadow, and subject to every fancy, as Chough he were the least independent, and the most impressionable, of men. Thus his soul contains those general human qualities of suggestibility and weakness which are wholly lacking in his outer attitude, or persona. Where the persona is intellectual, the soul is quite certainly sentimental. That the complementary character of the soul is also concerned with the sex-character is a fact which can no longer seriously be doubted. A very feminine woman has a masculine soul, and a very manly man a feminine soul. This opposition is based upon the fact that a man, for instance, is not in all things wholly masculine, but has also certain feminine traits. The, more manly his outer attitude, the more will his womanly traits be effaced; these then appear in the soul. This circumstance explains why it is that the very manly men are most subject to characteristic weaknesses ; their attitude to the unconscious has a womanly weakness and impressionability


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Hotes McGoats said:


> Fe brings out the waterworks more easily even in ExTPs.


I'm like a frickin' fountain. :laughing:


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

The Nameless Composer said:


> Do feeling types tend to cry more than thinking types? Both males and females?



I don't think it works like that. You may be over-analyzing things.

When making judgements, feelers value how they feel about things, whereas, when making judgments, thinkers value how they think about things. Which one cries more is not really not a value judgement.


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## mrb (Dec 10, 2013)

Nothing like a good old cry in private to relieve some stress. A good combination is masturbation and hardcore crying, it takes some practice to pull it off tho.


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## lackofmops (Mar 13, 2014)

Great_Thinker said:


> I know ISFP males. They never cry. However, I think thinkers are less likely to cry while feelers are either neutral or cry easily.


You think ISFPs never cry?










But yeah, thinkers cry less than feelers.


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## owlboy (Oct 28, 2010)

No.

Feeling =/= emotion
Thinking =/= lack of emotion


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## perpetuallyreticent (Sep 24, 2014)

Like a lot of others have said, I think that since "Thinking" types are less likely to understand the given intensity of their emotions, that they're more likely to cry from frustration of their lack of know how in dealing with said emotions. Where as a "Feeling" type understands their emotions for what they are-irrational and completely natural. It's just the raw form that these emotions take sometimes can be too much sometimes for people who don't handle their emotions or the emotions of others well. Logic is consistent, for the most part, where as emotions are not. Emotions can't be understood, or defined, or simplified. They're intense, and in their rawest form, hard to handle even for the strongest people.


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## Lord Fudgingsley (Mar 3, 2013)

I cry pretty easily. Everytime I cry, it reminds me that I have the ability to feel.


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## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

emberfly said:


> Really ignorant title. I think it has nothing to do with T or F but rather Fi or Fe.
> 
> So TPs will cry more than TJs for example, due to Fe.
> And FJs will cry more than FPs for the same reason.
> ...


Well that's the thing: some people have this idea Fe is somehow 'less genuine' or more 'for show' and external displays of feeling are somewhat calculated even. I'm not saying that's what you're suggesting, but I don't really see how Fe would make one more apt to cry than Fi. The emotions are the same, and we can't always control our response..maybe Fe might be more likely to be more expressive/dramatic when crying, but are you saying Fe makes one less able to control or hold in emotions? 

I guess one could ask whether feeling intense grief but just getting teary is any less 'crying' than bawling your eyes out?


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## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

perpetuallyreticent said:


> Like a lot of others have said, I think that since "Thinking" types are less likely to understand the given intensity of their emotions, that they're more likely to cry from frustration of their lack of know how in dealing with said emotions. Where as a "Feeling" type understands their emotions for what they are-irrational and completely natural. It's just the raw form that these emotions take sometimes can be too much sometimes for people who don't handle their emotions or the emotions of others well. Logic is consistent, for the most part, where as emotions are not. Emotions can't be understood, or defined, or simplified. They're intense, and in their rawest form, hard to handle even for the strongest people.


I disagree that feelings are irrational in themselves, although they can make us do things which don't seem that rational. I think there's always a reason behind emotions: a lot of it is internal, brain chemistry.etc, emotional distress, whatever, so there might be a 'good reason' for it but it might not be externally evident. People who are in touch realise this I think, and aren't too hard on themselves when they feel things.


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

Yes, and that is how I know I'm a 5w4 ENFP instead of an INTP. I cry all the time.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

It's ok thinkers, feelers know that feel.


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## perpetuallyreticent (Sep 24, 2014)

The Nameless Composer said:


> I disagree that feelings are irrational in themselves, although they can make us do things which don't seem that rational. I think there's always a reason behind emotions: a lot of it is internal, brain chemistry.etc, emotional distress, whatever, so there might be a 'good reason' for it but it might not be externally evident. People who are in touch realise this I think, and aren't too hard on themselves when they feel things.


My reasoning behind seeing emotions as inherently irrational is because they're not something we _decide_ on. They are intense and happen without us realizing, and sometimes when we don't want them to. Now, this isn't to say that something being irrational is a negative thing. Irrational isn't bad or good, it's simply there and we can't do anything about it. Maybe some people try to block out their emotions with over rationalizations and poorly applied logic, but that's another reason why I think they're irrational- because what we use to counteract them is logic itself.

eg; A guy doesn't want to be seen crying around his friends as they're watching a terribly sad movie. He tells himself over and over, "It's just a movie. There's nothing to be sad over, it's not real." Logic being applied to the situation to balance out the irrationality of the influx of emotions. Again, irrationality =/= bad. It simply _is_. Emotions aren't definable and therefore, even slapping the word irrational on them as some form of defining them is sort of redundant, but if considering them rational vs irrational, I'd say the latter better suits my stance on them.

Although .... the theory being irrational and rational functions (J functions = rational, and P functions = irrational) is the opposite. But I think for different reasons, not really sure. I know that it's said that Ji/Je functions (Fi/Fe, Ti/Te) are rational functions and Pi/Pe functions (Ni/Ne, Si/Se) are irrational, but I'm almost curious enough to go read up on what the definition behind those claims mean. Probably gonna go do that now and reevaluate everything I just said. :mellow:


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## Chris Merola (Jul 11, 2014)

teen INFJ male here, i only cry for others, really.

It depends on my mood or if im in private, but sentimental, cutesy videos on youtube or pixar movies and such can get me tearing up. Usually though, I will end up crying for those i feel badly for, usually while in the shower.

i dont cry much anymore, in my last relationship with a BPD INFP i would sob a good twenty to thirty minutes a day, four or five days a week. worst experience ever. things in real life dont really get me crying much anymore, though.

i dont know if theres a conclusive correlation between type and crying, but i feel like those with Fe and Fi as their dominant functions would be more inclined to do so.


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## PurpleAmy (Oct 5, 2014)

I cry at least once a week, and I pretty much get misty at the drop of a hat these days. Some of that is circumstance coupled with being an HSP.

It seems to me that thinkers rely more heavily on evaluation using conscious, explicit rules, something that doesn't seem to be as directly affected by emotional state. Feelers, on the other hand, don't always evaluate that way and thus can readily use other parts of the brain that are more heavily affected by emotional state.

I don't know if this is Fi-dom typical, but awareness of my emotional response is usually the first step of consciously understanding my judgement about something. If I'm overwhelmed to the point of near crying, not only does crying feel really good, but also getting some form of emotional release helps me be functional again.

Maybe we feelers are more dependent on maintaining a receptive emotional state than thinkers. This seems like it would make skill and engagement with our emotions much more critical, which might affect openness to crying. Any type can be deeply emotional, but (healthy) feelers _gotta_ feel.


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## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

mrb said:


> Nothing like a good old cry in private to relieve some stress. A good combination is masturbation and hardcore crying, it takes some practice to pull it off tho.


Teach me, sensai!


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## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

perpetuallyreticent said:


> My reasoning behind seeing emotions as inherently irrational is because they're not something we _decide_ on. They are intense and happen without us realizing, and sometimes when we don't want them to. Now, this isn't to say that something being irrational is a negative thing. Irrational isn't bad or good, it's simply there and we can't do anything about it. Maybe some people try to block out their emotions with over rationalizations and poorly applied logic, but that's another reason why I think they're irrational- because what we use to counteract them is logic itself.
> 
> eg; A guy doesn't want to be seen crying around his friends as they're watching a terribly sad movie. He tells himself over and over, "It's just a movie. There's nothing to be sad over, it's not real." Logic being applied to the situation to balance out the irrationality of the influx of emotions. Again, irrationality =/= bad. It simply _is_. Emotions aren't definable and therefore, even slapping the word irrational on them as some form of defining them is sort of redundant, but if considering them rational vs irrational, I'd say the latter better suits my stance on them.
> 
> Although .... the theory being irrational and rational functions (J functions = rational, and P functions = irrational) is the opposite. But I think for different reasons, not really sure. I know that it's said that Ji/Je functions (Fi/Fe, Ti/Te) are rational functions and Pi/Pe functions (Ni/Ne, Si/Se) are irrational, but I'm almost curious enough to go read up on what the definition behind those claims mean. Probably gonna go do that now and reevaluate everything I just said. :mellow:


I was thinking more they are 'rational' or 'reasonable' because there's a reason for them. Just as there is a reason for the body to raise it's temperature to fight infection (so you get a fever), the brain/body turns on receptors for anger/sadness for a specific purpose. It's more certain parts of the brain doing it, not always voluntarily.

That example could be turned around. The person might say to himself: 'why am I trying to repress my natural emotions that are a natural and appropriate response to a stimuli, which serve a purpose? I'm repressing it for fear that I'll be looked down upon for 'breaking' an inane social taboo.'


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## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

I understand what everyone is saying, but if feelers use feelings more in decision-making, and process the world based more on their own feelings versus logic, would it not follow they will be in a heightened emotional state more, and be more likely to allow emotions to build up?

I see how some thinkers might not be as versed in 'using' feelings or feeling functions, but does it follow they are less able to deal with emotions?

Understanding emotions doesn't necessarily mean we can control them any better or have learned to. Understanding the mechanics of a wave without application doesn't make it any easier for us to overcome it.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

The Nameless Composer said:


> are you saying Fe makes one less able to control or hold in emotions?


No.


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## Jonathz (Aug 4, 2014)

It seems like Fe crys more in general over a lifetime. My Fi friends seem more emotional than me and other Fe's, but they cry a lot less. Also it seems the lower the feeling fun function the harder to hold it back. So thinkers might cry more. Fi and Fe cry for different reasons also.


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## cantseemtofind (Dec 27, 2014)

Different people cry at different things. My dad, who's a thinking type, didn't cry when my grandmother died, but cried when I wrote him a sentimental "thanks for everything you've done for me" letter when I moved out to go to college.


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## CosmicYeti (Dec 15, 2014)

> Do feelers cry more than thinkers?


I do not believe it is a matter of degree but rather a distinction of triggers behind an emotional outburst. To this equation more factors than the F/T function play a role such as the S/N functions. In other words an NF might be driven to an emotional outburst like crying for different reasons than an ST(to the extent where such a distinction affects the results). 



> Really ignorant title. I think it has nothing to do with T or F but rather Fi or Fe.


And maybe not even that. Perhaps first there needs to be a study about correlations between the sympathetic nervous system response and how it affects personality. Maybe then we could talk more. And let's not forget about the societal/cultural influence. 
Bottom line:it's really difficult to isolate the variable we're talking about although it does not seem more significant than any other, really.


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## B3LIAL (Dec 21, 2013)

On average, I'd say Feelers do, because they care more about the emotional aspect of things, and it usually takes the average person a while to learn to put a filter on emotions and develop emotional intelligence. 

But as time goes on, and our inferior functions start to develop, I don't really think there'll be THAT much of a difference, but 4/5 of the people I see crying over trivial or minor things are usually feelers.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

I am a feeler, and I don't cry easily. I probably did for a couple times throughout my life. A lot of times I don't feel anything about a sad story when people around might be already crying, and sometimes that can make me feel like a cold-blooded person.

If I do feel bad, I tend to feel _very _bad, but still, I can have no tears.


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## Graig (Aug 15, 2014)

i don't know if that's the case. I'm an ISTP. and once when i got some bad news i had to fly home. My brother was in the hospital, luckily nothing turned out to be wrong. But I didn't know that at the time. So I heard the news, i was fine and calm. Co-workers rushed me to the airport. I was fine still. I was thinking about it. Got on the plane and I was still good. A feeling type may have talked to people around them for support. I just sat there on the plane and thought about it over and over. About half way through the flight i just burst into tears uncontrollably.


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## Vayne (Nov 6, 2014)

nix1 said:


> I'm an INTP but I cry damn easily. And I hate crying in front of other people but most of the time I can't hold back my tears.
> 
> Fortunately, life so far has been generous with me so I don't deal with difficult situations often.


I relate too much into this. I feel you. Wait, I think you.


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## googoodoll (Oct 20, 2013)

The Nameless Composer said:


> Do feeling types tend to cry more than thinking types? Both males and females?


I think so.


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## 66393 (Oct 17, 2013)

I cry occasionally, usually as a result of extreme self-deprecation coupled with external stress. Never in front of other people; never for other people.


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## Despotic Nepotist (Mar 1, 2014)

An ISTP friend of mine was known to be a bit of a crybaby when he was younger.


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## lunai (Feb 22, 2014)

It involves how much stress has built up. Because when we cry, our tears are releasing some stress response chemicals.

Why some people feel more stress, who knows. I will take a random guess, maybe it has to do with past experiences, maybe PTSD, maybe these things make some people more prone to experiencing sad or stress emotions with things others may consider not so cry-worthy. Maybe it also involves health and chemical imbalances in the brain because we know that is what causes depression, and I think chronically depressed people might cry more often. Or maybe crying often can be seen as a sign of good health, because it means your adrenals are working. Tears release some endorphins that make us feel good, so it can be a good thing to cry.


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## perpetuallyreticent (Sep 24, 2014)

lackofmops said:


> You think ISFPs never cry?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


lmao. 

To be fair, I think they meant specifically ISFP males? I don't know, gender can make a huge difference in a Type and apparently a lot of ISFP males try to over compensate for their more "feminine" (take note of those sarcastic quotations) qualities by being overly masculine and in turn are probably more likely to suppress their emotions.


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## VioletTru (Jun 24, 2012)

applechan53 said:


> Yeah, I agree. A bad upbringing could either harden someone or make them more vulnerable, depending on their personality type and a host of other factors. And some Thinkers are naturally better at emotional expression and vulnerability (The extraverts, maybe? I'm not sure). Trauma, of course, affects everybody for the worse.
> In my personal experience, the biggest factor (outside of my introversion) is work-or-relationship-related stress. The second is frustration when people (mainly extraverts) talk over me as I struggle to put my Ni-ideas into words. With one or two exceptions, I usually don't release those emotions until I'm alone.
> 
> But I've realized something: The question isn't whether Thinkers or Feelers cry more, but whether Thinkers are saddened as quickly and strongly as Feelers. Often, when bombarded with negative emotions, I either just suck it up and deal with it or can't _make_ myself cry. But I'd be willing to bet that certain things make me just as sad as your average Feeler.
> ...


Interesting. I'd like to think that this "painful numbness" has the same intensity as sadness. Scratch that, it _is _sadness, just experienced in a manner different from crying, isolation, etc. Therefore, the extent to which both Feelers and Thinkers feel sadness are the same, just with varying coping mechanisms.

Even I find it difficult to "let myself cry" sometimes, even in private. But those feelings of melancholia and emptiness are definitely there. And when I do cry, the pain is really intense yet at the same time the crying itself is really cathartic.


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## L'Enfant Terrible (Jun 8, 2014)

We are all human and we all cry sometimes. Being a thinker doesn't mean you cry less, it means you cry for different reasons than feelers. Crying in public has been done by both thinkers and feelers (especially if they are extroverts, because introverts are much less likely to do that for obvious reasons). However, the feeler will do so hoping that someone will come comfort them while thinkers do that because they wanted to cry and they were on the bus and there is nothing irrational about crying when and where it feels like doing so.

I have 5 close friends who are ESFP,ENTP,ENTJ,ISFJ and INTP. 

The ESFP is a girl and only cries in matters of love. She broke her leg,lost her phone,her dog died and her bag was stolen - all in one day. She didn't shed a tear. Her boyfriend left her and it was the end of the world.

The ENTP will cry through bitter sarcasm or a few tears here and there. Inside he is falling apart, on the outside he is trying to find 300 bitter comebacks when you ask them "how did the exam go", with answers varying from "oh,it's finished,as are you" to "better than your life. or your face."

The INTP one cries more than the ESFP or ENTP. He cries when he can't find answers, he cries when he can't figure out stuff or when things just don't make sense to him anymore.

The ISFJ never cries. He just doesn't. I don't know. He's a robot.

Weirdly enough, the ENTJ cries the most. Especially when he can't be the boss and things go wrong. He is angry and scary but if the anger is too deep, then he cries.


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## nO_d3N1AL (Apr 25, 2014)

One would expect so intuitively, but I don't think it's always the case. My INFP friend never cries but I cry (or at least feel like it) relatively regularly; although one must take into account the reasons too. Sometimes you just feel like it for no reason whatsoever! Perhaps Fi-doms have better developed Feeling function and so can control their emotions and understand them easier than those with a Feeling function in the tertiary or inferior position.


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## Courtalort (Jun 29, 2013)

I don't think it's as much T vs F, as it is Fe vs Fi. 
Fe releases emotion by expressing it. I see a sad movie, I cry.
My INFP friend sees a sad movie, she doesn't cry-esp not in front of me. 

Another factor is how well developed your function is. A ExTJ may cry MORE than an IxFP because the FP will know how to handle the emotion whereas the TJ may not.


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