# An NT's guide to a social life



## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Edit: to the people I mentioned in this thread scroll down to the bottom to figure out why, and thanks in advance.

Right so I'm not sure if this thread has been started anywhere else (I am too lazy to look lol) but I would like to get this started. Basically I want this to be the go to guide for NT's that want help socially. 

So I don't claim to be some kind of social guru or anything but when it comes to small groups of people I do exhibit some skills.

I get to know people mostly in my college class', I just talk to them when I get the chance so this is where I will give my expertise. What's more is that I am an INTP so that is where I will give most of my advice as I believe that to be the best thing, if you are not an INTP then you will have to modify my advice, or if you yourself are good with people then you can also give advice.

When I see people from a class just walking around (such as to their car or to their next class or whatever) they will normally stop and talk to me. The first thing I pretty much always start with is: Yooo! So how's it going (or some other variant such as how was your weekend if I saw them before their weekend. Also if somebody tells you something that they were gonna do it is a good idea to ask them about it the next time you see them)?

Small talk I know, however small talk is like flirting when it comes to dating type relationships (except we want a friendship relationship here, at first at the very least). So basically if you are an introverted thinker such as myself, your gonna have to ditch it (atleast while you are talking to people, believe me there is a lot of time for analysis later). I ask a lot of questions (I need to get in the habit of talking more about myself) and this will generally make people feel more at ease around you. Also make something up when talking to people to get the humor going (just don't go overboard). Then you can ask for somebody's number to just hang out sometime. When you hang out with somebody you will likely be introduced to other people, make them your friends as well. Luckily the world of friendships are a lot more forgiving than the world of dating.

Speech: so when it comes to talking the most important thing is to not make anybody feel uncomfortable, so avoid serious questions, just ask general things, like what's your favorite music and take it from there. When in a small group where you only know one person try to actively engage in the conversations. A lot of questions in a group setting are rather offputting so try to keep them at a minimum and just ask the person that you do know in a group about everything later when you can talk to them one on one. Another thing is try not to engage in a group where you are not comfortably familiar with atleast one person in that group. 

Don't be afraid to talk about some things about yourself. However try to dull down the (for lack of a better term) "smarter" subjects (sad as it may be pretty much everything INTP's enjoy) as most people do not care about the properties of lightning or that you are trying to steal Nikola Tesla's nickname "master of lightning." However I have recently decided to try to learn something new every month starting in November (but I am getting a jumpstart on it) and that this month my subject will be the piano, things like this are acceptable. Everybody can relate to trying to learn a musical instrument. Another acceptable thing I have found is to talk about annoying things in class that happen (however make sure to do this with a VASTLY, GREAT, COLLOSSAL, etc. amount of humor). Example: gauuuugh damn physics teacher couldn't teach a two month old chimp how to pick ticks off it's younger brother.

As I am typing this I feel rather awkward and that this is a jumbled mess. I will have to come back to it. Also feedback will be greatly appreciated, also this is a work in progress so if you want to contribute, feel free.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Thanks to whoever changed the name lol.

EDIT: O didn't see that it tells me at the bottom of the post, thanks stephen :happy:


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## Beyond_B (Feb 2, 2011)

Now I know what I am doing wrong for the most part. I don't ask, and rarely say hello. Actually hello is the only thing I say to class-mates that I don't know, and I most likely ditch even that. The fun thing is that I was wondering why others never appoached me, now I know why. Thank you very much @L_Lawliet !
My advice: 
1. Do not glare! I do that all the time when thinking, but I will try to stop that. 
2. Do NOT fake a smile.
3. Try to not smirk at your thoughts in public or when one of your relatives dies, it will make people think you are a freak. http://personalitycafe.com/intpforum-the thinkers/54868-when-you-smile.html
3. Not doing 3 is not a guarantee you aren't a freak, but it will save your"social image"(something you may have never had before this thread was created).


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## Juan M (Mar 11, 2011)

Try to show your emotions, laugh from every joke (try to find the funny side), watch right to the eyes, smile if you feel that you have to (if youre faking a smile try to rise your inferior eyelids), do not ask obvious things (are you a woman?), dont feel cocky against other people (dont take them as inferior), dont talk only of your interests, try to not change subject suddenly, dont ask a lot of questions try to tell a story or point a fact (interesting fact). Dont use complicated concepts if the person that youre talking to its not an NT (lol jk), if the person is not interested in "conceptuality" or in such things.

Also dont try to rape them, stab them or kiss them in the butt.


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## DeductiveReasoner (Feb 25, 2011)

Psssh...What is this?! Not ALL NTs need a guide to a social life!! How offensive! 

jk jk It was good advice. I'd have never thunk I'd take social advice from an INTP.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

DeductiveReasoner said:


> Psssh...What is this?! Not ALL NTs need a guide to a social life!! How offensive!
> 
> jk jk It was good advice. I'd have never thunk I'd take social advice from an INTP.


Thats the strong S border taking over lol.


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## Pendragon (Dec 31, 2010)

I refute your advice! Being an outcast is fun!

That said, I'm sure it'll be a help to some people. But I can't imagine ever smalltalking.


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## nonnaci (Sep 25, 2011)

nothing like a little placebo alcohol to fuck with NT's state of mind


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Try to view people as individuals rather than live in-vitro experiments walking around for your observational purposes. It's a habit I've had to break, because I think it makes me approach people in a more curious/probe-y way that make people go "wtf?"


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## CCCXXIX (Mar 11, 2011)

dagnytaggart said:


> Try to view people as individuals rather than live in-vitro experiments walking around for your observational purposes. It's a habit I've had to break, because I think it makes me approach people in a more curious/probe-y way that make people go "wtf?"


or as pawns


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Pendragon said:


> I refute your advice! Being an outcast is fun!
> 
> That said, I'm sure it'll be a help to some people. But I can't imagine ever smalltalking.


Being an outcast is fun but it does get boring sometimes. Smalltalk does get old after a short while, but a neccessary evil.



dagnytaggart said:


> Try to view people as individuals rather than live in-vitro experiments walking around for your observational purposes. It's a habit I've had to break, because I think it makes me approach people in a more curious/probe-y way that make people go "wtf?"


I still study people rather intently, however when I am directly in the group and speaking with some people then I just put everything into a memory bank that I study later, this is what works for me and what I highly recommend for all other NT's. However using this method won't let you learn as much but this is the sacrifice you have to make sometimes, to take a hit to your learning so that you may have a social life, but I find that it's not that big of a hit.



CCCXXIX said:


> or as pawns


Some people deserve to be used as pawns, and sometimes you have to use people as pawns for survival.


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## Master of Visibility (Nov 5, 2011)

I found this guide very useful, the only problem is that it is quite difficult for me to remember all these tips in the middle of a conversation. I'm not very good when it comes to a list of things to remember, although I will try some of this out to experim- i mean try to better my social skills.


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## birthday (Feb 6, 2011)

You know what's really been of great use to me? I read up on books dealing with reading the body language of people as well as their faces. I also read on how to influence people and how to say the right things to them. And you know what? It works. I started with myself of course. I learned that my posture and way of walking implied that I was arrogant and selfish. I always got along well with the adults but rarely with my peers. I tended to view them as lesser folk. A wise woman once told me that "you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar." This whole thing originated from my upbringing. Now, I'm not blaming my parents as I believe that every individual has a choice. The real reason why I read such books is to help me in my quest of communicating with people. I really can't tell what people are feeling. I have trouble identifying anger, happiness, and other emotions. I'm still young, so I figure I'll learn eventually.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

dagnytaggart said:


> Try to view people as individuals rather than live in-vitro experiments walking around for your observational purposes. It's a habit I've had to break, because I think it makes me approach people in a more curious/probe-y way that make people go "wtf?"


Their not experiments???


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

hornet said:


> Their not experiments???


They are. They're just single-blind experiments.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

dagnytaggart said:


> They are. They're just single-blind experiments.


Oh single-blind!
I often do zero-blind as the experiments itself.
"I'm analyzing you for my own amusement!"
Then just lean back and watch them sweat. =D


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## Miss Scarlet (Jul 26, 2010)

DeductiveReasoner said:


> Psssh...What is this?! Not ALL NTs need a guide to a social life!! How offensive!
> 
> jk jk It was good advice. I'd have never thunk I'd take social advice from an INTP.


Right?

But in all seriousness I know ESTP's and INFP's to be lacking social skills. In fact each type can be bad at it. It's just different in the way each type does it. An ISTP's might make people feel awkward while ENTJ's make people feel dumb.


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## Extraverted Delusion (Oct 23, 2011)

I read this thread a died a little inside.


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## Extraverted Delusion (Oct 23, 2011)

ENTJwillruletheworld said:


> Right?
> 
> But in all seriousness I know ESTP's and INFP's to be lacking social skills. In fact each type can be bad at it. It's just different in the way each type does it. An ISTP's might make people feel awkward while ENTJ's make people feel dumb.


ESTP _lacking_ social skills, or just in possession of highly inappropriate social skills?


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## Miss Scarlet (Jul 26, 2010)

Extraverted Delusion said:


> ESTP _lacking_ social skills, or just in possession of highly inappropriate social skills?


Actually now that I think about it, both are very true.


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