# Does being more attractive make you happier?



## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

So we know money doesn't buy happiness. But what about looks?


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

Not if you're an introvert and people keep hitting on you when you're trying to fucking read. Or when people use it as an excuse not to take you seriously.

Like anything, it depends on its interaction with other variables, and generally extremes are bad.


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## Psilo (Apr 29, 2009)

5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't) | Cracked.com



> We know all about this one first-hand. That old stereotype about how comedy writers and heavy Internet users tend to have bodies chiseled out of solid sex? It's true. One visitor remarked that the Cracked office "Looked like a Manowar album cover came to life."
> 
> Office Christmas party, 07
> 
> ...


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## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

No. It may get you some attention. While i have found some of the attention to be flattering and can even feel good for awhile, I find it intensely empty and unfulfilled if I don't return the feelings or if the other person is objectifying. In my experience, what's most rewarding is to be loved for you by someone you love.


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## Nearsification (Jan 3, 2010)

Psilo said:


> 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't) | Cracked.com


I am not sure to trust a website with "Crack" in it.

Anyway. I don't believe it makes you happier.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

Not necessarily.

However, if I am more attractive due to _taking care of myself_, that is different - as that implies I care more about my health and self expression.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

Does being more attractive make you happier? 
That depends solely on what you want out of life, what happiness is to you, and whether you're self-aware enough to make those assessments...

And I agree with Mercurius; Do you mean natural good looks? Or someone who takes care of their body? Even then it kinda depends, though...


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## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

On a related note, attractiveness can be a bi-product of happiness. I believe that people are often attracted to people who enjoy life and feel good about themselves and a certain energy radiates through when someone feels confident and beautiful on the inside, and it shows outwardly.

it's not the only factor. but I find that it's a big one.


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## la musa candido (Feb 19, 2010)

no. not at all. even saying if someone is attractive or not is just an opinion. good looks is personally based but people usually mean the majority vote. if the person who is "attractive" has values other than superficial, chances are life is harder for them. especially if their intelligence is an important trait for them. they aren't taken seriously most the time. people completely disregard what they say and twist their words to turn it into a wrong statement so they have to work harder to defend their opinion. sexual harassment is in more of their conversations than anyone should have but it's looked over. they're looked at like an object instead of a subject with a brain and feelings. not to mention the stereotypes. if a person has nothing but their looks to offer and they're shallow anyways then sure life can be easier and might make people happy. but chances are they secretly have an insecurity of being dumb or feeling invaluable. seeing as they are just a piece of meat and all.


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## tskim (Mar 2, 2010)

With the technology that we have now, people can achieve the good looks through money, it's that accessible nowadays. I'm sure that's going to bring temporary happiness but after that, it's going to fade away after a short period of time. That's when people realize that looks isn't everything. Point is, being attractive doesn't make you happier but what you do does.


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## RyRyMini (Apr 12, 2010)

It definitely makes me happier. If I wake up and look crappy, I have a considerably worse day than when I'm looking great. I'm sure it's probably in my head though..if I thought I looked good, I'd have a better day for sure..but at the same time I can't help these feelings. 

It's probably important to note that I mean attractive to me, I don't expect myself to look like people on the front covers of magazines with amazing bodies, and wouldn't consider plastic surgery or anything of that sort for cosmetic reasons. Basically I like to look my best if possible.


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## Linus (Apr 27, 2010)

Same here ^ :happy:


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## agokcen (Jan 3, 2010)

Nope. It just means you focus on other problems instead.

Sure, you feel great at first, but after a while the happiness wears off and you stop caring, choosing instead to focus on other imperfections in your life.


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## AirMarionette (Mar 13, 2010)

Yes and no.
Yes when I'm surrounded by beautiful people, because then I feel as an equal.
No because - what is the point of being attractive if I'm not sufficiently intelligent/mentally competent? 

But it's good to feel confident in my own skin. It can complement my days of low self-confidence.


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## HannibalLecter (Apr 18, 2010)

You have to have them to know it...


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## Amy Shagz (May 30, 2010)

Attractive tends to come with happy. A happy person isn't going to treat their body like crap.


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

Self-esteem and healthy self-image makes you happy.


Those things aren't always correlated to how attractive you are, so no, it doesn't necessarily.


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

thehigher said:


> So we know money doesn't buy happiness. But what about looks?


The money will do nicely, thanks.


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## Robatix (Mar 26, 2009)

Doctor Paradox said:


> I am not sure to trust a website with "Crack" in it.


You can trust it to be funny.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

See I feel better when I look good too..... but this is all relative. I feel better when I look BETTER than I usually do. So if I were BETTER looking than most people..... would that make me happier as well?


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## murderegina (Jan 7, 2010)

I think it depends on your values. I don't see why it would though. Beauty, if at any point, did make someone happy..it would be a fleeting happiness. Looks are by no means permanent, who you cultivate on the inside is. 

Attractiveness is for other people anyways. You don't see what you look like on the outside, but you know who you are on the inside. I think any kind of "happiness" that is reassured and decided by others is hollow.


Being attractive has so many stigmas attached to it that I think those who are attractive are overlooked for the things that, in my opinion, should matter such as intelligence, their opinions, and their interests. People who are attractive are sometimes given so much attention for their looks, they probably become unconfident in other areas.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

murderegina said:


> I think it depends on your values. I don't see why it would though. Beauty, if at any point, did make someone happy..it would be a fleeting happiness. Looks are by no means permanent, who you cultivate on the inside is.
> 
> Attractiveness is for other people anyways. You don't see what you look like on the outside, but you know who you are on the inside. I think any kind of "happiness" that is reassured and decided by others is hollow.
> 
> ...


I think i agree with this one


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

kristina 23 said:


> no. not at all. even saying if someone is attractive or not is just an opinion. good looks is personally based but people usually mean the majority vote. if the person who is "attractive" has values other than superficial, chances are life is harder for them. especially if their intelligence is an important trait for them. they aren't taken seriously most the time. people completely disregard what they say and twist their words to turn it into a wrong statement so they have to work harder to defend their opinion. sexual harassment is in more of their conversations than anyone should have but it's looked over. they're looked at like an object instead of a subject with a brain and feelings. not to mention the stereotypes. if a person has nothing but their looks to offer and they're shallow anyways then sure life can be easier and might make people happy. but chances are they secretly have an insecurity of being dumb or feeling invaluable. seeing as they are just a piece of meat and all.


kristina's avatar and comments reminded me that marilyn monroe was considered to be very beautiful and she was terribly unhappy. the bubbly blonde blue eyed stereotype with more than the average number of braincells for her hair colour has an uphill struggle to convince anyone that she is worth listening to

also since beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what is considered attractive by one person is not by another. Therefore does "more attractive" exist as a concept at all? Should the question really be "does being attractive to more people in the society in which you live make you happier", or "does conforming to society's generally accepted standards for attractiveness make you happier" ..in a society which places high emphasis on looks in determingin people's value, whether we like it or not, are we all just wanting to fit in and be 'valued', and being 'attractive' is just *one* of many ways in which we are judged and valued by others

well either way, i am not joining the queue to be beaten round the head with the ugly stick....

Question: would any one here have plastic surgery to make themselves LESS attractive???


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

ariana20 said:


> Question: would any one here have plastic surgery to make themselves LESS attractive???


No, but I usually dress like a slob because I don't want to look approachable. I like having the option to look good if I need to, but that's very rare. 

My mother has a real problem with being too attractive... something about her body shape, or her posture, or something... she looks incredibly eye-catching no matter what, and it's a bit of a joke to us how she's always looking for crappy old clothes that won't accentuate her good looks. She tries her best to look invisible. Never works though, people still notice her.


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## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

rousse said:


> No, but I usually dress like a slob because I don't want to look approachable. I like having the option to look good if I need to, but that's very rare.
> 
> My mother has a real problem with being too attractive... something about her body shape, or her posture, or something... she looks incredibly eye-catching no matter what, and it's a bit of a joke to us how she's always looking for crappy old clothes that won't accentuate her good looks. She tries her best to look invisible. Never works though, people still notice her.


I used to do this as well because unwanted attention felt so uncomfortable and empty.
I realized I liked exploring fashion and different styles and I like looking good for it's own sake so I've been exploring with that. I still don't like unwanted attention and wish there was a way I can only look beautiful to those I liked.


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## PseudoSenator (Mar 7, 2010)

* Interesting Fact*: The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype is when people assume that attractive individuals possess other socially desirable qualities, such as happiness, success and intelligence. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when attractive people are given privileged treatment such as better job opportunities and higher salaries.


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## Coccinellidae (Mar 16, 2010)

I think I would be happier at some point if I was prettier. Or at least: way more confident about my looks. But in the end: It's way more about than skin deep.


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## Frannyy (May 27, 2010)

No- it's the other way around for me- the happier I am, the more attractive I become


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

*It gets me cookies.*


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## Drea (Apr 13, 2010)

Looking good makes me self conscious. :sad:


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

Yes. Having the ability to exercise and improve my body makes me feel better.

It's my assumption that women would prefer to look at my abdominal muscles, than a flabby, fat belly.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

silverlined said:


> On a related note, attractiveness can be a bi-product of happiness. I believe that people are often attracted to people who enjoy life and feel good about themselves and a certain energy radiates through when someone feels confident and beautiful on the inside, and it shows outwardly.


That is so me.

Thank you! Thank you, everyone! I love you all!
Mwahhh.....


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## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

Yes I think it does... it's hard for me to feel confident when I feel unattractive, but when I've lost weight, or am wearing new clothes, or having a great make-up and hair day, I feel better about myself, and I feel happier. 
And I do feel privileged... I'm quite short and sort of innocent looking, and I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and people tend to take pity on me and come to my rescue a lot, and greet me with smiles and random compliments on my looks. 
It does make me uncomfortable to be eyed up and down and whistled/yelled at when I'm walking down the street, and sometimes makes me wish I was wearing baggy clothes and a hoody over my face. And the way a lot of guys start acting after a few drinks, even my friends, as well as some of my boyfriend's friends, can get really uncomfortable at times... but that's all part of being a woman I guess. :mellow:


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

being desired can make me happy, but being attractive, not so much. I would rather be desired in a way other then physically


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## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

OmarFW said:


> being desired can make me happy, but being attractive, not so much. I would rather be desired in a way other then physically


Exactly. The best feeling is when someone loves all of me and loves and accepts me for me. I could be having a jean-and-tee shirt day and a bad hair day and a 'fat day' all in one and ideally I'd still be attractive to this person, not because I look polished but because I am me.


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## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

I wanted to add a few more thoughts to this thread.

I've had some major struggles with body image these past few years and I still like the idea of being attractive and desirable but I'm learning not to base my self worth on it and I'm finding new roads to happiness. I used to think happiness was a number on a scale, a good hair day, a flat stomach or looking good in an outfit. I was overly critical of myself and my appearance when things felt off or I didn't meet my standards or when I didn't get the attention I wanted. Long story short...I put myself through hell when I based my happiness on this thing.

I'm learning happiness is more of a feeling on the inside. For me it comes from enjoyment and I'm seeking to enjoy and make the most of everything and everyone I have in my life and even enjoy and appreciate myself and what I have going for me. Happiness to me is a perspective and a way of looking at things.
It's true that life can be less than stellar sometimes and I do get down or feel bad about myself from time to time, but I try to get back to focusing on appreciation or enjoyment.

I still do try to look my best when I can but I can find enjoyment from other things and I'm still a valuable person when I'm looking less than stellar.


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

fitting into a smaller pair of jeans after losing 16lb roud: makes me feel happier and feel more attractive at the same time; getting a great haircut and a new dress and pair of high shoes makes me happier; if someone tells me i look nice one day i feel happier; i dont care if that makes me shallow, but i think the key word here is happIER, not HAPPY. I was happy already before i lost the weight and got my hair cut and got my new clothes and shoes, but now i feel HAPPIER! I make no apologies for it


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## LostInMyOwnMind (May 5, 2010)

Attractive people are generally more successful, they get breaks their ugly counterparts don't, just because of their looks. Some of you may want to argue that, but it’s been proven time and again. Are successful people happier? I'd have to say, generally yes.


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## Macrosapien (Apr 4, 2010)

Material success does not replace the inner success of being free of the identification of that which does not matter nor define you as a being. Looks being one of those things... there are natural beauties and then there are those with the capacity to be more attractive and seek to do so in order to mask some void in them, dealing with the emotions. Most people are insecure, it's why they can't leave the house looking a certain way or puts on the things they do, otherwise they feel inadequate, as they have become identified with the image and can not function a part from it. Natural beauties on the other hand, like fine wine they only get better with age, likewise they do not go far to look a certain way, they just naturally emit loveliness. They could wear no make up, just regular clothing and look more alluring then they would by putting make up on. Yes I am talking mostly about women, I don't look at guys like that. Also there is far more pressure on women to LOOK a certain way then a guy.

It's my thought that attraction comes in a 3 fold manner, since we are people are 3-fold beings imo. There is the attraction to the mind, emotions, and body of the person (there is another attraction, presence, but this is something different). A person maybe attracted to the physical, but not so much to the mind, or more to the mind and not so much the physical, or more to the emotional and not so much mind or physical. A 3-fold attraction, that's what I would want. Not just physical, as that is the least important to me. The mental and emotional are far more alluring, to me.


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

There is a difference between feeling more attractive and actually looking more attractive. Are you asking if looks can buy you happiness and more attractibility or if looking more attractive brings you happiness? I'm confused...


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I am happiest when I look and feel my best. I have also chosen careers that require a dedication to health and fitness. However, I really feel that looking good on the outside, starts with my insides. I take better care of myself when I like myself and take care of my emotional well-being. I know that I am more than my looks but I did go through different stages of beliefs as a teenager. 

But letting myself go physically would never make me happy either. I like to make the best out of what's been given to me. 

You asked if being "more attractive" could bring a person happiness. And I really try to stay away from comparisons to others. How can a person be "more attractive" than others when there is no standard for beauty? That would be very dangerous for a person to feel like they only have value if they are "more attractive than others". Because life and reality eventually have to hit. Remember, Marilyn Monroe died of a drug over-dose. She does not strike me as happy. And I don't think she ever grasped that she had value beyond her looks. Bodies change and trends die. All we can be is our personal best.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> I am happiest when I look and feel my best. I have also chosen careers that require a dedication to health and fitness. However, I really feel that looking good on the outside, starts with my insides. I take better care of myself when I like myself and take care of my emotional well-being. I know that I am more than my looks but I did go through different stages of beliefs as a teenager.
> 
> But letting myself go physically would never make me happy either. I like to make the best out of what's been given to me.
> 
> You asked if being "more attractive" could bring a person happiness. And I really try to stay away from comparisons to others. How can a person be "more attractive" than others when there is no standard for beauty? That would be very dangerous for a person to feel like they only have value if they are "more attractive than others". Because life and reality eventually have to hit. Remember, Marilyn Monroe died of a drug over-dose. She does not strike me as happy. And I don't think she ever grasped that she had value beyond her looks. Bodies change and trends die. All we can be is our personal best.


What were your stages of beliefs as a teenager?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

thehigher said:


> What were your stages of beliefs as a teenager?


Um.. that I only had value if I had a boyfriend. Then it went to beliefs that I only had value based on looks or if people liked me. Or swung to the other side of the "I care way too much what other's think about me" spectrum : negative attention by rejecting modern conventions such as dress and sticking out like a sore rebellious thumb. So I was very externally focused for values until I got with my own therapist at 17. But it's pretty common in various forms during those years. I now see it in my daughter and her friends. They all are trying to "fit in" and belong but they just don't know how. 

Anyway, I had so many issues during my teen years, I was begging for therapy by the time I was 15. Lol. And I think I just barely figured out last year that relationships don't define me. Ha! Some of us are hares and some of us are tortoises.....


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> Um.. that I only had value if I had a boyfriend. Then it went to beliefs that I only had value based on looks or if people liked me. Or swung to the other side of the "I care way too much what other's think about me" spectrum : negative attention by rejecting modern conventions such as dress and sticking out like a sore rebellious thumb. So I was very externally focused for values until I got with my own therapist at 17. But it's pretty common in various forms during those years. I now see it in my daughter and her friends. They all are trying to "fit in" and belong but they just don't know how.
> 
> Anyway, I had so many issues during my teen years, I was begging for therapy by the time I was 15. Lol. And I think I just barely figured out last year that relationships don't define me. Ha! Some of us are hares and some of us are tortoises.....


That's understandable. In what way did relationships define you?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

thehigher said:


> That's understandable. In what way did relationships define you?


Well obviously relationships really can't define me, just like beauty itself can't. I should say that I *mistakingly* believed that relationships defined me. But the reality is that relationships can further pull a person away from themselves if they are not strong in their core yet. For a long time, I lacked the esteem to know that I had value outside of a relationship. It's like I was proving to myself that I was lovable. I either stayed in bad relationships too long or I was often a "flight risk" because I didn't want somebody else's behavior to define me. 

I also didn't want to rely on friendships that much because even though I am an extrovert, it is hard for me to trust to get close to people. Romantic relationships just seemed to be an easier course to take. I could hide behind them. Like a kindergartener shy on the first day of school and who is hiding behind their mommy's skirt, I was hiding behind relationships in order to deal with the world.

But identifying myself through relationships was all a facade made to crumble. I eventually decided to stop dating men whom I thought I wanted to be and decided to instead become master of my own universe. Some day when I am ready, I will find someone else who is master of his own universe. Perhaps we will rule our kingdoms side by side, all while having hot sex of course.:wink:


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## intrish (Jun 6, 2010)

if your family was attractive everything is relative so you probably don't really feel that attractive.

being attractive does not get you more dates. people either assume you are with someone, you wouldn't go out with them or you would dump them as soon as you found someone better. i think there are stereotypes about how attractive people would treat others in a relationship that work against them. it takes a confident person, or someone who doesn't find them attractive to go for it. online dating has solved this because you can use a bad photo and get to know the person before you meet.

as far as work goes, i think it is probably a disadvantage. i have noticed men not wanting to be seen selecting an attractive woman for a task force or as their travel partner. also, i think men team up against a really attractive man or isolate him. 

otherwise, it makes no difference. everyone has their own spiritual/existential/familial rows to hoe.


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

thehigher said:


> I question if everyone means what they are saying or if they are just saying it because it would be uncomfortable otherwise.


I do! Or else I wouldn't have said it at all.

Of course there are somethings I'd like to change about my body or face but I do not let that consume my self-esteem. I need to appreciate my health and looks now because I'm not always going to be this young. If I truly don't like something, I can change it. But I would never resort to plastic surgery unless it was for extreme medical purposes. We all have our moments, even the "most prettiest" of people. It becomes a major factor when we let those insecurities run our lives.


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## harleysith (Apr 3, 2010)

From what I've seen in others, people who are attractive either don't realize they are attractive and still suffer from self-esteem issues, or their looks make them feel somewhat empty because the other things they have to offer aren't focused on as much as their appearance.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

heypixie said:


> From what I've seen in others, people who are attractive either don't realize they are attractive and still suffer from self-esteem issues, or their looks make them feel somewhat empty because the other things they have to offer aren't focused on as much as their appearance.


Incredibly truuue. When I tell people they're attractive/cute etc they rarely believe me (maybe I just seem like a liar?) I also don't understand why people call me cute i.e. a friend said I was cute and I was all "Whaaaat?!" 
I think if you KNOW you're attractive and have the self confidence to go with the looks then you'd be happier than if you knew you were ugly.


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## GrannyWeatherwax (Jun 8, 2010)

Being happy certainly makes you more attractive anyway


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## intrish (Jun 6, 2010)

heypixie said:


> From what I've seen in others, people who are attractive ...suffer from self-esteem issues, or ...feel somewhat empty because the other things they have to offer aren't focused on as much as their appearance.



That is true...the things we have to offer are not focused on by others as much as how we look. Therefore, I tend to over-produce at work. 

I wish I had some examples of how I behave in relationships, but I am an INTJ, so the point is moot.  Nobody wants intj girls.


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## Dallas (Nov 7, 2009)

I don't know if it especially made me happier, but cleaning up my image definitely gave me a lot more confidence, which I thing translated into happiness. It's definitely easier to say that finding yourself to be unattractive will make you less happy. 

Maybe it's a positive feed loop.

Find self attractive -> Increase confidence -> Happiness -> Happiness = attractive -> Confidence ->

So on and so for, but I may be wrong.


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## intrish (Jun 6, 2010)

iSGW said:


> I don't know if it especially made me happier, but cleaning up my image definitely gave me a lot more confidence, which I thing translated into happiness. It's definitely easier to say that finding yourself to be unattractive will make you less happy.
> 
> Maybe it's a positive feed loop.
> 
> ...



agree: i hate the sound of hairdryers, don't spend time staring at myself so I found a low maintenance hairstyle...very long and straight...so long the weight keeps it in place and i can tie it up with no straggling wisps; i never shop (unless online: ann taylor, gap, old navy) and since i am not smart in the morning, and can't pick out nice outfits, i chucked all of my unattractive or 'hard to match' clothes and replaced them with basics that look good on me. now i can mix and match almost anything and it works. there are only a few items (i have up to a dozen of each basic...exact duplicates) and i wear them again and again. (co-workers joke that i look like a ncic officer...black on black on black...with accents of grey).

staying lean is also something i do...again, because i figured out that it is attractive so i do it. i notice that others don't seem to keep this as a priority. 

i don't bother with fake nail jobs or hair highlights or trendy styles...i am too frugal and don't want the upkeep...plus...why have any additional appointments/contact with people than i have to? 

end result...consistently looking lean, neat, attractive does make me feel confident on a daily basis and thus my unhappiness sourcing from those areas is minimized...


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## Dallas (Nov 7, 2009)

If I can expand: Being more attractive doesn't make you happier, as the level of attraction is relative and based off of others, but feeling as though you are more attractive I would say has a positive correlation with being happier.


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

intrish said:


> but I am an INTJ, so the point is moot.  Nobody wants intj girls.


not true btw just check out the intj bit of the forum to see how many guys dig intj girls ..we rock!


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

iSGW said:


> It's definitely easier to say that finding yourself to be unattractive will make you less happy. Maybe it's a positive feed loop.


i really agree with the positive loop concept. if anyone tells you something about you is good its a great start, so i think if parents/peers tell you you are valued/worthy in anyway, you feel more confident and more confident about continuing to work on improving that thing about yourself, and then as you get further positive feedback on your efforts, that makes you happier

i dont think there is a such a concept as 'more attractive' per se, i think its about one aspect of you being valued by more people in your particular community/peer group/society according to their particular set of values


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## intrish (Jun 6, 2010)

well, intj girls get told we don't act sexy, we don't flirt, we don't put out, we don't have an air of mystery, we don't dress sexy...all i have to say is this: i don't try to attract unwanted attention, i think it is inappropriate to attract the sexual attention of married men and adolescents (which means not in public), i reserve sex for a committed relationship, i tell the truth, etc. 

plus, we are shy.


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

intrish said:


> well, intj girls get told we don't act sexy, we don't flirt, we don't put out, we don't have an air of mystery, we don't dress sexy...all i have to say is this: i don't try to attract unwanted attention, i think it is inappropriate to attract the sexual attention of married men and adolescents (which means not in public), i reserve sex for a committed relationship, i tell the truth, etc. plus, we are shy.


and since when did intj girls do as they are told? i can act as sexy as i like if i feel so inclined, i put out (dont tell everyone), i dont know if i have an air of mystery, i dress sexy if i feel in the mood, - i dont know who actually TRIES to attract UNWANTED attention, i dont mind attracting the sexual attention of anyone at all (though if they were married or adolescent or ugly or stupid i wouldnt do anything about it - well actually i wouldnt do anything about it anyway as i am quite happily taken right now), i quite enjoy being inappropriate, i tell the truth most of the time, and i dont think i am shy.....so not all of the above is particular to all female intj's...we are not so narrowly defined imo..but most important for me, i dont do as i am told :laughing:


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

Yeah, I'm pretty damn happy. 

Also, my farts smell like daffodils it's a cool perk.


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## OctoberSkye (Jun 3, 2010)

I used to be more attractive than I am now (I suppose?) and I was definitely not happier then. I look back at my pictures and can see a pretty girl, but back then, I thought I was hideous. And the same applies in the present day. But, even though I'm 30-40 pounds heavier now and you can tell I've been through Hell, I'm trying to have more confidence. I think that's really the most important thing. How you feel about yourself. Others can sense it.

In the past, I wasn't really happy when other people would compliment my looks because I didn't believe them. And sometimes, especially after I was molested, I thought being attractive was a bad thing.

Now, well, people are nicer to you when you're attractive. I might not want a lot of attention, but I don't like being invisible either. I found that it does make me happy when people smile at me and I know not everyone is being insincere with their compliments.

But, given that I'm practically a recluse and I spend more time with myself than with other people, the two aren't linked all that much right now.


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## DistilledMacrocosm (Apr 11, 2012)

aef8234 said:


> Really? MANY suburban housewives? You mean like in the 1950s? Where stay-at-home wives with a particular ethic - which is be rid of now- existed?


I should have said their husbands and children too, but I feel especially sad for women who may have married into very stable, middle-class environments. A homemade prison with a color TV is hardly a happy place to live. Marrying an alpha male, high-earner may be a great survival strategy, and he's probably real handsome too -- but he's not going to help you change diapers.

A bourgeois lifestyle is inherently antithetical to happiness. It is rooted in exclusion and a demand for exorbitant space for lawns, backyards, garages, strip malls, parking, etc. It is damaging to child rearing , child psyche, adult psyche. I think closeknit family members, a tribe if you will, are essential to childrearing.



> You have absolutely *NO IDEA* how intoxicating power is.


Intoxication is delusion, not happiness. If people are happy with their delusions, I'm certain deep down they aren't, I don't think anyone could be truly happy without perfecting their souls.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

It depends of course, on the personality the 'attractive' person has. I'm not going to cover every type of person and every possibility here - but just the ones that come to mind immediately. Sometimes we grow up feeling like circus freaks because people stare and react. That is a miserable thing to endure. 

I became self-conscious. My friend stefanie on the other-hand who looks like a victoria's secret model, developed a heroin addiction and did shots of vodka before coming to class in college because she was -that- sensitive to the staring. 

I had another friend in college who would go to the bathroom to throw up over the anxiety from being watched all the time, because she was "hot."

I felt really put on the spot, and the way I react to that is to get angry. If someones eyeballing me, sure I wonder wtf it is about me to make them look hard at me. I think theres something -weird- there. It took me until I was much older to realize I was "pretty." Growing up around mostly male friends as a child who didn't look at me that way as a child, and knowing nothing about being a female until later - when boys _first started_ to look at me, I would punch them and ask what their fucking problem was.

Once in a while I still find myself reacting very badly to this sort of thing if someone catches me off-guard. Its not my instinct to think "OoOOo ah look secksaay!" Its more like "muthafucka - you gotta problem!?"

It does cause problems.


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## Morpheus83 (Oct 17, 2008)

I suppose it depends on the value one places on being physically 'attractive'. Some folks who don't care much about being 'attractive' might go, "You gotta problem with me?! Is there something on my face? Or are you just a nasty lech?!" Yes -- this regardless of whether or not other people think the person is 'hot'.

Other folks simply enjoy being stared at -- because it gives them the 'attention' they crave (when they're probably seeking emotional compensation for something else). There's the issue of conflating body image and self image (which has already been covered several times before)

Plus it depends on whose standard of 'attractiveness' you're talking about. You might be 'happier' -- but 'happier' in relation to what? How does the person who's 'attractive' see himself/herself?

Two other issues: the 'attractive' person who's always 'privileged' because of his/her looks may become dissatisfied and lose faith in his/her other personal qualities and talents; the 'attractive' person becomes paranoid and enslaved by social perception -- and every day becomes a battle to look 'good' to maintain a certain image.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

DistilledMacrocosm said:


> I should have said their husbands and children too, but I feel especially sad for women who may have married into very stable, middle-class environments. A homemade prison with a color TV is hardly a happy place to live. Marrying an alpha male, high-earner may be a great survival strategy, and he's probably real handsome too -- but he's not going to help you change diapers.
> 
> A bourgeois lifestyle is inherently antithetical to happiness. It is rooted in exclusion and a demand for exorbitant space for lawns, backyards, garages, strip malls, parking, etc. It is damaging to child rearing , child psyche, adult psyche. I think closeknit family members, a tribe if you will, are essential to childrearing.
> 
> ...


Exactly, you can be deluded to FEEL happy, which is the MAIN problem now.
But, by that logic, which is illusion? Everything is based on perception and belief, the VERY basis of illusion.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Probably not. I've got friends who are way hotter than me but much, much unhappier.


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## Le Beau Coeur (Jan 30, 2011)




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## saturnne (Sep 8, 2009)

Only if you feel pretty! Mind has to get there before body.


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## ilphithra (Jun 22, 2010)

I have met "beautiful" people that once they open their mouth, they're extremely ugly.
I have met "ugly" people that are beautiful.

If people have a problem with how I look, they're free to look away because I like how I look. The only thing I'm fixing are my teeth but in this case I have to do it. This is because I don't have enough room in my mouth and the pressure is pushing my teeth all over the place and even cracking some of them.

As for the rest... I never wore make-up, I don't intend to ever wear make-up, no heels, no painted nails, no earrings. I wash my face with just some water in the morning so I don't screw up the skin's balance and I clean it once every month or so with some Nivea Visage cleaning thing. 

Don't like how I look? Then feel free to go take a hike.
You like how I look? Stare at me for too long with lewd eyes and you might find my boot connecting to your face in non pleasant ways.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Dude, I'm fat, and people watch me. Does that make me attractive? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose. Shit, even in the workplace, I get stared at. I don't mind receiving attention until it crosses a fine line. I am personally not happier when I'm smaller or when I wear make up on a frequent basis. I'm not trying to project a type 3 stereotype, but I get vain as hell when I look my best. It does change me, and not for the better. 


Anyway, if someone has some tips on how to avoid people who try to corner you at the workplace, please, do share. I have two different men who are teetering on that fine line I was talking about above. I mean, I am literally disturbed, and it has caused me a lot of undue stress. Tips would be seriously appreciated.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Le Beau Coeur said:


>


Lol, maybe that's my problem


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## fihe (Aug 30, 2012)

yes x1000. that's why I always wear some kind of makeup when I leave the house. sometimes in college I used to wear sweats and no makeup and glasses to class when I woke up late, and I felt so ugly and disgusting I just wanted to hide.


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## Beatrice (May 1, 2011)

No, at least not directly. Being attractive provides confidence, which in turn can provide happiness. I can testify this from personal experience. This year, my New Year's Resolution was to dress better. Instead of a simple t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, now I might add a cute scarf to the ensemble to give it flair. Maybe a blazer or a cute pair of lace-up boots. I even got my ears pierced so I could wear earrings. I now have my own personal style, and often get compliments on my outfits. My clothes at least double my confidence. I believe my newfound confidence helped me out of my emotionally depressed state last year. 

Knowing you have a good physical appearance not only to yourself, but to others can have a huge effect on your confidence.


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## Sara Torailles (Dec 14, 2010)

fourtines said:


> Attractive, confident men probably attract larger numbers of mates ... but only if they're also confident. I've seen really reasonably good looking guys shyly hang out in strip clubs or what have you, because they had low social skills, or low confidence with women. I happen to think this one guy I know on-line (who I met in person once) is cute, but I've never told him, because I don't want him to take it as a come-on from *me* but I really don't get why he has so many problems attracting a girlfriend. It must be his attitude, something he's doing, I saw a pic of him and his cat once, and I'm like, really, this dude can't bag babes?
> 
> I've also known a couple of attractive men very well (as in dated them or in other cases, something... like it) who suffered from depression or substance abuse problems, or simply got hung up on one girl ...because you know I think those of us inclined to fall in love suffer more, no matter what we look like, simply because we get hung up on needing to be with that particular person. The up-side is that in the long run we develop more relationship skills and have a stronger chance of happy monogamy, but the down-side is pining over an ex or the one that got away.


Well, if it would help, here's my life experience with the opposite sex. I would guess I'm a fairly attractive person. I hate to say it, but other people have said it (including a professor of mine, which totally didn't make for an awkward moment), and a woman asked me out quite literally right after meeting me.

I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I had one date (with the aforementioned girl), that ended badly. I also had what I think would be considered a flirtationship with one girl that never went beyond that point.

Attractiveness can only get someone so far. I personally think I'd make a good boyfriend to any girl I'm lucky to have and who's lucky to have me. I'm smart, sensitive, gentle, imaginative, kind to animals, and love to cuddle (some people would find that nerdy, emotional, unforceful, head in the clouds, bad for someone who doesn't want pets, and too touchy-feely, but you can't please everyone). But my fatal flaw is that I'm introverted. I'm not shy anymore, but I'm still painfully introverted. I stay within a tight social circle, and my best friends are either male or taken. :tongue:

But I find most of my issues stem from meeting people and getting out. I have friends, but we're a tight-knit group. I kind of want to meet a nice lovely woman who I can match abstractions and sensitivities with. 

I think a lot of people who are attractive and single are actually pretty well-put together like I am. I personally need to find someone available that I feel ready to have a relationship with.


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## Lesley Drakken (Aug 17, 2012)

Not I. In fact I've discovered that when I worry about it too much it just brings down unnecessary stress on my person and makes me _unhappier._


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## alaska (Jun 24, 2010)

If everyone woke up and noticed they were twice as attractive, they would be happier. 
Irrrefutably


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## DistilledMacrocosm (Apr 11, 2012)

alaska said:


> If everyone woke up and noticed they were twice as attractive, they would be happier.
> Irrrefutably


No, they'd still feel ugly because the model or actor they look up to is now also twice as hot as they were.


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## yello (Oct 14, 2011)

Yes.


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## Sapphyreopal5 (Jun 11, 2012)

The answer to this question depends on what you personally mean by attractive. For the sakes of keeping my answer readable (not too long lol), I'm going to base this on physical appearances, as "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

Beauty (in this case, _physical appearance_) is a double edged sword. 
On the one edge, beauty can be a gift. Being attractive gives people more opportunities or advantages in life. People who are more attractive tend to get better paychecks (among other things of course, although looks certainly help), are often seen as better candidates for jobs (let's be honest: who doesn't like seeing an attractive woman greeting you at the front desk or when you walk into a store?), have a better time being persuasive, are better liked (at least initially), and well, attract more people (especially the opposite sex or even the same sex, depending on your preferences). Part of this is because more attractive people are seen as being more confident (of course this isn't always true but still), as people who are more _appear_ to care about themselves more, including taking better care of their appearances and bodies more than those who aren't considered attractive. Those who are confident and are attractive/embrace their attractiveness are generally a lot happier. Honestly, people who are more attractive also get away with pulling a lot more crap at work, in school, etc., especially if the “authority figure” in charge is of the opposite sex (moreso if the attractive person is a woman and the “authority figure” is a man). Us humans are visual creatures by nature. Anyone who says they haven't at least somewhat judged or made assumptions based on someone else's appearance is lying.

On the other edge, beauty can be a curse. It can make other people jealous of the attractive person thus making them less likely to treat the attractive person with respect (especially when other women show spite towards a perceived attractive woman). Sometimes people who are more attractive may believe that people only like them because they are attractive and don't really care about who they are as a person. Because of this, relationships can appear to be more shallow which can be a source of frustration, sadness, loss of confidence, etc. (So much for saying that being more attractive = more confident according to some people's logic, such as some employers!) Due to the more opportunities life seems to present to those who are often perceived as being more attractive according to others, it can be also frustrating as it may seem as though things are just given to you and thus you don't have to earn anything (where's the challenge in that?), thus those things and opportunities are "de-valued" due to there being more of an abundance of those things and opportunities. Sometimes, being more attractive can have the opposite effect when it comes to attracting others, as others may feel intimidated or insecure about going after someone attractive. They may also feel insecure about having to compete for that person, whether they are trying to get a date with them or heck even when they are that attractive person's significant other.

Out of my own personal experience, this may sound cocky or not (but I can't help saying this, as too many have told me this) but I have always been perceived as being more attractive by others since I was young. While I do like the fact I have had more opportunities presented to me, whether it was in regards to employment, having more leniency when it comes to “getting in trouble” for something I had said or done (yes, my old boss once said to me that it was hard for him to stay mad at me for long because I’m “too cute to stay mad at”), or even in class when I have said or done things I shouldn’t have mainly in middle school and high school.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture. I should take my own advice here, but we really ought to learn how to love ourselves for who we _are_, rather than who we _could be_. Whether we choose to embrace (or not) what we’re given is a personal choice. How we perceive what we are given (or in this case, born with) is up to every individual for him-or her-self. What we do with what we’re given is up to ourselves and no one else.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201109/good-looks-will-get-you-job-promotion-and-raise


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## NN5 (Jul 14, 2013)

Yes X10 000


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## NN5 (Jul 14, 2013)

On the other edge, beauty can be a curse. It can make other people jealous of the attractive person thus making them less likely to treat the attractive person with respect (especially when other women show spite towards a perceived attractive woman). *F**k em. gives me a valid reason to destroy them* Sometimes people who are more attractive may believe that people only like them because they are attractive and don't really care about who they are as a person. *They still have to put up with me* Because of this, relationships can appear to be more shallow which can be a source of frustration, sadness, loss of confidence, etc. (So much for saying that being more attractive = more confident according to some people's logic, such as some employers!) *Only if you're dull..can't get around my character* Due to the more opportunities life seems to present to those who are often perceived as being more attractive according to others, it can be also frustrating as it may seem as though things are just given to you and thus you don't have to earn anything (where's the challenge in that?) *awesome idd*, thus those things and opportunities are "de-valued" due to there being more of an abundance of those things and opportunities.*not if you f*** up things at a high ratio* Sometimes, being more attractive can have the opposite effect when it comes to attracting others, as others may feel intimidated or insecure about going after someone attractive. *you simply go after them* They may also feel insecure about having to compete for that person, *Yep **it's always the fatties on a sugar who are NOT insecure* whether they are trying to get a date with them or heck even when they are that attractive person's significant other.


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## Scribbler (Jul 10, 2013)

Being happy makes you more attractive.

(Probably been said already but no time right now to read the previous 120 posts - sorry!).


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## muffleupagus (May 14, 2013)

I like how people are flipping it around, and tend to think there's truth in both of the angles. 

I think society goes easier on people who match the cultural ideal. That's kinda a given. 

I also think that people who make it their goal to get closer to the cultural ideal, and succeed, are often happier, than people who reach a similar figure by simply being genetically of that body type. 

I have always had a slender, athletic build, and been tall. I didn't appreciate how well I had it, until the belly started to creep up from a couple decades of not caring about my diet. So I worked hard at it, have a flat belly, put on some muscle, and don't feel bad feeling good about my figure. It's not super bulky, and I'm definitely slimmer than the average for my age and height, but I don't mind. It's healthy, and most people are overweight, anyways.


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## CaptSwan (Mar 31, 2013)

To me, happiness is rather subjective. If being attractive is your thing, then that's the only thing that will sure make you happy. True happiness stems from being able to live your life on your terms; simple as that. 


BTW: Regarding the whole money-happiness thing, I stick to Jack Donaghy's premise:


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## countrygirl90 (Oct 11, 2012)

I believe in the philosophy ,"a thing of beauty is joy forever ",so yeah being beautiful and attractive really makes me happy but that just a superficial thing ,I feel more happy when I feel peace and pureness of my heart by making someone smile or happy .


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## Fish Launcher (Jan 14, 2013)

It pleases me to look in the mirror, to say the least. Most people ask other people about how they look, since they know that they look like someone else in their own eyes and someone else in somebody else's eyes. And most people like to be seen as attractive, which will then cause them to think that they really are attractive TO OTHER PEOPLE (which is what being attractive is basically about.) Being treasured is a cause of happiness, and being satisfied with oneself is another cause oof happiness. Being attractive can make you happy in either of these ways, or both. So yes, it is.


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## dvnj22 (Apr 24, 2013)

No, I know tons of attractive people that unhappy and ugly people that are.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

No but yes.

I looked through some photos the other day, when I was really pretty attractive. I worked hard to keep my ass sculpted and the rest of myself super thin (except my boobs--which don't really get too thin.) And I wasn't that happy (sometimes I was really unhappy during that period). I was in an ultimately doomed relationship, and I wasn't following my passions outside of that.

However, I think that we cannot really control our happiness--but if I want to achieve a goal, then achieving it will make me kind of happy. So, if my goal is to be more attractive, well that will open up some fleeting happiness. Whatever serves the unknown purpose. 

I would say that not being (IMO) attractive makes me kind of unhappy--though maybe it shouldn't because maybe I am missing the point of human connection. But IDK because maybe being attractive to the person you want to connect to is really satisfying--but again, maybe it isn't because things that are considered attractive are so superficial and transient a lot of times.

What is the purpose of being attractive? Does being attractive mean to attract people to who you really are, or to attract people to whatever they can perceive? 

And anyway--is being able to attract the thing you want to going to make you happier in the long run?


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

I think so. My appearance is generally what causes me to be so miserable towards people most of the time. I feel too ugly to even socialize with anyone classed as "attractive." Most of my thoughts are generated about my appearance. I feel like I'm too ugly for friends or love. If I were attractive I wouldn't feel this way. 90% of the time when I'm sad this is where my sad moods come from (feeling ugly)


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## Supersede (Jul 2, 2013)

Money and/or good looks don't necessarily mean happiness, but they confer advantages. Here's how I equate it. *

Money is freedom.* If you had a lot of money, you'd be free to make the choices you want to make without having to worry as much. You're free from want. You could take vacations when you want, buy things when you want, and tell your boss to go to Hell when you want. You have a bigger range of options. If you don't care about material things, traveling, and telling your boss off, then having money might not matter as much to you. So you can have freedom without having money. For that reason, maybe a better way to say it is you have security. 

Having money doesn't mean you'll be happy. 

*Attractiveness gives you options.* More people will be prone to like you (though some might dislike you for the same reason). More people you might want to date will want to date you. You'll be more likely to get promotions at work. If you run for office, you'll be more likely to win the election. So good looks give you a lot more options, too. If being attractive or getting dates with attractive people aren't high on your list of wants or needs, then you might have plenty of options to make you happy. And unlike wealth, attractiveness is a perishable commodity. People lose their attractiveness as they age. That's the payback for good looking people--getting older might be harder on them. 

So attractiveness doesn't assure you'll be happy, just like money doesn't.

All these things are relative. No matter how much money or attractiveness you have, you'll probably always want more. The wealthy still worry about money and attractive people can still have low self-esteem. But they are worriers and people with self-esteem issues that have more options in life.


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## Distill (Jul 4, 2013)

Depends on how much importance you attach to it. A lot of people think that I'm a good looking person, but that doesn't make me feel any better. At university, I never got the people I chased and I arrived at the conclusion that I must have a *really* defective personality. I know now that it's not that, just extremely low self esteem (I'd still have very low success rates with picking up girls, even if I wanted to). I very rarely feel 'ugly' but I've never taken comfort in my looks, and it exasperates me when good-looking people I know profess to feeling 'SO UGLY' on a given day when they're really not.


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## like hella days (May 15, 2013)

TLDR

Yes


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

I think it can somewhat, until you realize you still have other problems.


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## LoveAshley (Mar 31, 2013)

Yes, and no. Society will treat attractive people better in some situations, but in others they will be more subject to catty and cold treatment out of jealousy. Notice how most of the women placed on thedirty.com are attractive? There certainly aren't up there because they are bad people. They are people just like anyone else, but some catty jealous person put them up there to tear them down.


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## livinginabubble (Feb 13, 2013)

I got more attractive when I went to college. Grew into my body a bit more. It definitely boosted my self-esteem a bit, but I still am the same awkward guy when it comes to girls. A lot of em tell me it's cute, but it really bothers me. I think being more attractive than I used to has made me set higher expectations for myself, in terms of the opposite sex, but then I never meet these expectations. A little happier and more positive outlook? Maybe. 100% happy? No. Some of the most insecure people are attractive people...


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## Slider (Nov 17, 2009)

Yes, of course.

But I have always looked like this.

I have no way of knowing how I would feel if I didn't look like this. I have no context.

When I am in shape and thin, it makes me feel better than when I am out of shape and fat.


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## sisnerozt (Mar 11, 2013)

If I know that Ive invested time and effort in myself to look my best, then YES on a personal level Im definitely going to feel more attractive and HAPPY that Ive done so whether someone says so or not. If Im overweight and eating unhealthily and not taking care of myself, then NO Im not going to be happy with myself and Im definitely not going to feel attractive and Happy with the way I look because deep down I know for a fact I could do better. As a society...that's a whole nother issue. And theres always an excuse to be made. Im just talking about me here.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Not necessarily, I get hassled on the street more which is a nuisance.


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## Echoe (Apr 23, 2012)

Yep. When I feel particularly good about my appearance, I do feel a kick more confident and happy with myself. I used to downplay the impact appearance can have on your self-esteem, but I have noticed my days can be slighter brighter when I've done a bit more to boost my looks and subsequently see a better looking person in the mirror.


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## Aenye (Jul 13, 2013)

In my experience it attracts a lot of unwanted attention - maniacs and such. Envy, hatred and setbacks also. Therefore: no. Being average is the best. Or slightly above average for extra self-confidence.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Not always for the right reasons, for example how a model may be insecure that their livelihood (them as the product) might blemish, cut or get damaged meaning they cannot always work yet feel happy with the trapping said attractiveness affords them.

However as @sisnerozt notes, feeling as if you have shown or made your best self visible can be rewarding but also carry with it the caveat of being hollow if one lacks confidence or the demeanor of model health to carry it off. Highlighting the need to feel comfortable in your own skin as well when a poorly placed quality garment can make someone feel unattractive or send the wrong signals about whom you are as a person, equating to inner versus outer attractive and a need to figure out said happiness's source.


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## Supersede (Jul 2, 2013)

Echoe said:


> Yep. When I feel particularly good about my appearance, I do feel a kick more confident and happy with myself. I used to downplay the impact appearance can have on your self-esteem, but I have noticed my days can be slighter brighter when I've done a bit more to boost my looks and subsequently see a better looking person in the mirror.


At first, I was discounting the difference in natural attractiveness and something you work to get, but now that I think about it, when I'm going to the gym more, drop a few pounds, and have more tone, I do feel good. As much as I sometimes have the attitude that would make me superficial or vain, it involves some kind of character or sticktoitiveness. 

However you get there, feeling comfortable in your own skin is where it's at.


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## rosegeranium (Apr 1, 2013)

Yes. Buuuttttt....that all depends on your own concept of attractive. Cause even if one in considered unnattractive by normal standards, when they believe they are attractive, other people are attracted to them even if their conscious mind rebels. Which feels good.


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## Supersede (Jul 2, 2013)

rosegeranium said:


> Cause even if one in considered unnattractive by normal standards, when they believe they are attractive, other people are attracted to them even if their conscious mind rebels.


There's no doubt confidence is attractive. Most people are filled with self-doubt. To meet somebody who isn't like that, or doesn't seem like that, is immediately impressive. Well, brash confidence (arrogance) turns many people off, but it's hard to know what it is when you first meet someone. Being confident makes you more attractive/approachable/likable to more people. 

How you get there is another matter: being attractive and darned confident about it, being self-deluded enough to think you're attractive (*), or just not caring what other people think.

(*) That's society's standards of "attractive", so maybe they aren't self-deluded, but they're mistaken about whether they fit into that category or not.


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## rosegeranium (Apr 1, 2013)

Supersede said:


> There's no doubt confidence is attractive. Most people are filled with self-doubt. To meet somebody who isn't like that, or doesn't seem like that, is immediately impressive. Well, brash confidence (arrogance) turns many people off, but it's hard to know what it is when you first meet someone. Being confident makes you more attractive/approachable/likable to more people.
> 
> How you get there is another matter: being attractive and darned confident about it, being self-deluded enough to think you're attractive (*), or just not caring what other people think.
> 
> (*) That's society's standards of "attractive", so maybe they aren't self-deluded, but they're mistaken about whether they fit into that category or not.


It really is like "casting a glamour", to use an old fashioned term. I've seen people that are rather plain my most people's standards radiate. It's more than confidence, it's like they create a sort of charisma vortex around themselves. It's like magic. They radiate this sort of vitality and warmth that just makes them attractive no matter how they look. My friend is like that. Her confidence level is definitely healthy but not super extreme, it's more like she just turns on this switch that draws people in. Shoot, I just become chopped liver when I'm around her lol!


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## Husgark (Nov 14, 2012)

Does attractiveness lead to happiness? It's not like I would know :laughing:

But seriously, I don't think there is much of a connection between the two. Being healthy on the other hand(exercising and eating well) can lead to both attractiveness and happiness. When I'm in good shape I feel both happier and more attractive, not to mention that happiness is attractive.


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## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

Looks as high and mighty as we'd like to act on the matter,
We need to realize the want to be more attractive is natural,
And shouldn't be bashed left and right,
If you want it?
Get it?

So of course it's going to make you happier,
More possible people to start a family with,
More people to give you compliments,
Which many count on,
Or use as affirmation.

So yes


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## B00Bz (Jul 11, 2013)

lirulin said:


> Not if you're an introvert and people keep hitting on you when you're trying to fucking read. Or when people use it as an excuse not to take you seriously.
> 
> Like anything, it depends on its interaction with other variables, and generally extremes are bad.


I'm an extrovert and it makes me uncomfortable and I'm not even particularly good looking. I also hate it when people think you are stuck up about your looks because you don't like people hitting on you. I want to yell at them "I'M JUST SHY" but they probably wouldn't believe me anyway. I can't imagine what it's like for people that are actually good looking.


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## nashe (Jul 24, 2013)

Does being more attractive make you happier? No. But being happier makes me more attractive :tongue:


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## HouseOfFlux (May 18, 2013)

I used to really obsess over being unattractive, but I like to think I've gained something else in a way. You have greater insight into the trivial things people (and you yourself) fall into the trap of worrying about, and just whether it really is all that important. It's interesting to learn of the subtler and more interesting ways to draw attention.


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## orcasaremylife333 (Jul 24, 2013)

I think it is more about self confidence than attractiveness.


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## aphinion (Apr 30, 2013)

I feel a lot better when I feel attractive.


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## Kazoo The Kid (May 26, 2013)

Believing you are attractive makes you happier.

I've seen people who by the societal definition of beauty are drop dead gorgeous and are still deeply unhappy with how they look.


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## Theboynextdoor (Jul 21, 2013)

Honestly, I think it does make you happier. You become more confident which is better than being self conscious and having low self esteem. People respond and interact with good looking people more than unattractive people. Good looking people won't have a hard time finding a mate. Being sexy opens up a lot of doors for you and you don't have to work as hard for many things. Especially for women.


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## Feathers Falling (Sep 5, 2012)

Yes, being attractive can open a lot of doors for you and give you a lot more opportunities in almost all aspects of life, but... being attractive gets you the bad attention as well. I've had many many guys lie to me in unfathomable ways to get the one thing that they want, and when you're innocent and naive your whole life, it leaves a lot of scars learning to distinguish liars from genuine people. 


Also, a good post here was that attractiveness is relative. Just because you're born attractive doesn't mean you view yourself as attractive. Attractive people grow up with insecurities just like everyone else. And when you think you're unattractive for most of your life and people (mostly men) start giving you attention just because you actually are attractive, you start to equate that false attention as worthiness and self-worth. But when you finally realize that all that attention was fake and manipulative, well, where did your self-worth just go? 


Oh, down the drain. :dry:


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## Feathers Falling (Sep 5, 2012)

Kazoo said:


> Believing you are attractive makes you happier.


This is pretty much it. Having real self-worth = happiness. You don't have to be "attractive" by someone else's standards to feel worthy of love.


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## Dauntless (Nov 3, 2010)

For me, being healthy makes me happy, and in turn makes me attractive in that I am joyful.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

What buys happiness if someone BELIEVES they are attractive by cultural standards. 

People who BELIEVE they are attractive or FEEL sexy are happier.

If the culture tells you that you are ugly, and you believe them, of course you feel less excited.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Kazoo said:


> Believing you are attractive makes you happier.
> 
> I've seen people who by the societal definition of beauty are drop dead gorgeous and are still deeply unhappy with how they look.



I've met thin, fashionable insecure miserable people.

I've met fat, casual confident extremely happy people who enjoyed sexually gratifying relationships.


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## Ratchet85008 (Jul 27, 2013)

I dont really like this question because so far it has made my head hurt. I have been told mant time that I have that natural good looks with a charming personality. Being an INTP i really dont take care of myself, so I am pleased that I have the whole natural good looking thing going for me because It opens a lot of doors that wouldnt be open at the work place for me... although looking for a relationship is hard and than vary complexing for me. Girls are attracted to me and thats good cause I have a hard time talking to them. But than I seem to attract the wrong girls.. because I need strong INxx and most of them wont look my way. Oh I like this type more because I like relationships that have depth to them, and thats harder to find if your attractive. 
So all and all I think it helps a good deal in professional life and I guess that makes me happier at the work place. But in my personal life it sucks and makes my life complexing.. and complexing leads to over analyzing and that leads to the depressing thought that despite it all your going to end up alone with no one but yourself to blame.
So I guess I have to go with no it does not make life easier, just your job.


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## Alles_Paletti (May 15, 2013)

Of course being attractive will make you more happy. It's a lot easier to 'feel' attractive when you actually are.


As an aside: The old 'money doesn't buy happiness' is also not very solid according to recent research; it seems the more money, the happier. It's a bit technical, but there are some graphs/tables in there that show the point:
http://www.brookings.edu/~/media/re...being income/subjective well being income.pdf


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