# Why are NTs bothered by people stating things emotionally?



## GoingGaGa19 (Mar 9, 2020)

Bothered? mostly yes, especially emotions like grief/sadness/disappointment. Idk how to deal with it, my mind just went blank upon witnessing it on someone. It's the only thing that is hard to figure out, even though i try hard to solve/overcome it. And when it happened to me, i didn't realize it until the internet (yeah, the internet) pointing out some signs of my type being stressed.


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## JimT (May 31, 2010)

In response to the OP:

Some people get emotionally worked up about some experience they had, and they like to process the experience by venting a bit (or even ranting and raging a bit), and that helps them get it out of their system and calm back down. I understand that as long as it is done in moderation.

But when someone does it to excess, it can become a nightmare. One ex-wife of mine would come home on a daily basis and launch into long rants about how someone cut her off in traffic or someone was snippy with her while she was shopping. The rants would last 20-40 minutes and go into excruciating detail, and I was supposed to drop whatever I was doing and listen supportively the entire time.

Emotional venting like that is clearly excessive. I've heard such people described as "needing other people to change their emotional diapers for them." They have no emotional self-control: They let every little irritant get to them, and they need to vent and put all their irritation onto others in order to let go of it themselves.

I've even seen this sort of thing mentioned in books for couples counseling: They said to set up a rule limiting how much each partner is allowed to vent about things, especially if they're the type to bring work-related or other problems home with them. The relationship shouldn't be a dumping ground for toxic emotions picked up elsewhere.

This may not be the kind of situation the OP was thinking of. But it's the sort of emotional expressiveness that gets on *my* nerves, even as a Feeler. There is an ethic in society today whereby everyone is supposed to worship at the altar of emotion; but some emotional people take advantage of that ethic and use it to hold others hostage.

As for NTs: I'm guessing here, but NTs tend to be a little avoidant when it comes to emotional issues even at the best of times; I can imagine how they might perceive emotional people in a light similar to what I've described above. If that's the case, then I'm on their side on this issue.


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## Strelnikov (Jan 19, 2018)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> Or is that not a thing?


It depends on what they're saying exactly. Some feelings in some contexts are appropriate, while others are not. If your cat died, I get being sad and I can empathise. I may not have the best reaction (I tend not to know how to react  ), but... I get it inside.

However, looking at other situations, like people getting emotional about things like politics. I prefer impersonal, dispassionate, cold, pragmatic politics... with a splash of cutthroat power-hunger and ambition... Realpolitik is soothing to my soul. I despise moralism, idealism and passion in politics (I associate these with emotionalism and hysteria), talk about "moral high ground" is nauseating for me. I get having a code, I get honour, but not the softy moralist talk, especially when people take these things personally. It's just business, nothing personal. If you believe in X and I say "I don't believe in X", I'm not saying "you're evil/stupid", I'm treating it like you said "I like blue" and I said "I prefer red." That's the emotional intensity level I usually feel when discussing politics (unless you're really passionate about colours and you HATE red with all your heart and worship the colour blue like it's your god), It's not entirely devoid of emotions, but some people over-react like I said something about their family (I sometimes think I might have to remind them that a specific politician is not their father/mother) and that does become annoying. Another thing that I find annoying is when people do assumptions: they think that if I believe in A and B, I automatically also believe in C. Or if I say I believe in a particular ideology, they immediately think I believe in EVERYTHING that ideology says, with no nuance and no points where I disagree with it. Like I'm some cartoon villain! I'm annoyed by the cartoonish stereotypical depictions: how do you like to murder children? Snuff them out early before they're born (US Dems) or execute them spectacularly with guns (US Republicans)? I like to think 99% of people don't like to murder children, regardless of political views. We can still be civilised and disagree about some things... even strongly disagree, while agreeing on others (I think I can find things I can agree on with almost everyone), and we can still be calm without hysterical screaming and accusations. So, in short, this is a field where I am indeed bothered by emotionalism.

So it is a thing, but only in specific circumstances. As a general rule, I'm not good with feelings and they can have a destabilising effect on me, but I'm not against them in general and I can easily discuss them. It's not my preferred subject, but I can do it.


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## shotgunfingers (May 6, 2020)

ai.tran.75 said:


> Any type can be annoyed by emotions- I assume istp would be most annoyed
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I can read people's emotional states just fine and I can understand genuine feelings... but sometimes its just fake sappy bullshit to manipulate the unaware or when people get emotionally invested into something that has no logical underpinnings, such as political causes (moral panics for example), buying stuff people don't need because they fell for the sales-pitch.

I also dislike drama and fighting, having to witness tantrums. These are unproductive and leave me in a negative state of mind.. which is hard to shake. Some ppl get over this stuff really fast, for me it can have days worth of "shitty mood" aftereffects.

I'm not good at expressing emotions so consolation takes up the from of doing something about the problem, which can be hit or miss. I deal with my problems alone by acting against whatever cause it aka fixing my problems by doing something about the root cause. Often tho other people just want a shoulder to cry on, which is annoying, because they don't deal with the cause. Its just venting.



Strawberry Lemonade said:


> Both ISTPs and INTPs have inferior Fe, so that makes sense.
> 
> I am personally bothered by what I see as emotional manipulation. Like someone doing a competition and saying how their mother just died and they want to dedicate their entry to her, i.e. they are trying to get the judges to vote for them out of sympathy. It turns people away from reason and truth because of not wanting to hurt someone's feelings.


This! Yeah, its so cringe. Also salespeople who appeal to base desires, annoying.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

shotgunfingers said:


> I can read people's emotional states just fine and I can understand genuine feelings... but sometimes its just fake sappy bullshit to manipulate the unaware or when people get emotionally invested into something that has no logical underpinnings, such as political causes (moral panics for example), buying stuff people don't need because they fell for the sales-pitch.
> 
> I also dislike drama and fighting, having to witness tantrums. These are unproductive and leave me in a negative state of mind.. which is hard to shake. Some ppl get over this stuff really fast, for me it can have days worth of "shitty mood" aftereffects.
> 
> ...


The title stated why are NT annoyed by emotions- and I don’t think it’s fairly accurate bc many types are bothered by emotions and with personal experience istp seems to be more bothered by it than most NT users 
From observations - istp will try to solve a problem for the individual and it becomes invasive because it seems as if the istp assumed that the problem isn’t solved and if it’s solved already , why talk about it ? when the other person ( didn’t know that they had a problem and thought that they were just sharing personal information to get closer). 

* In terms of sharing emotions- I wasn’t thinking about problems/dilemmas or unnecessary fights but more along the line of fond memories- or tragedies - in those cases i do notice that it makes istp uncomfortable. 

For example- my father is dying ( terminally ill) / I tend to enjoy talking about fond memories that I shared with him - this doesn’t seem to annoy my intj brother or my entp bff - if anything they’ll ask more questions, laugh and share memories with me about him as well , my husband otoh told me to face reality - those memories are gone and I should snap out of the past . I understood that from his stand point he thinks that he’s trying to help solve a problem because listening about things that involves emotions is uncomfortable to him, however that action right there to me seemed invasive and unnecessary bc I didn’t know that I had a problem or that the subject made him uncomfortable to start with - course after explaining it to him he’ll understand and apologize but due to his initial reaction- I find that he’s less emotionally aware than most .


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## shotgunfingers (May 6, 2020)

ai.tran.75 said:


> The title stated why are NT annoyed by emotions- and I don’t think it’s fairly accurate bc many types are bothered by emotions and with personal experience istp seems to be more bothered by it than most NT users
> From observations - istp will try to solve a problem for the individual and it becomes invasive because it seems as if the istp assumed that the problem isn’t solved and if it’s solved already , why talk about it ? when the other person ( didn’t know that they had a problem and thought that they were just sharing personal information to get closer).
> 
> * In terms of sharing emotions- I wasn’t thinking about problems/dilemmas or unnecessary fights but more along the line of fond memories- or tragedies - in those cases i do notice that it makes istp uncomfortable.
> ...


I don't understand why an ISTP would be uncomfortable if you share something like that with him. I'd probably at the very least try to be polite even if I can't relate. Its not hard to wrap my brain around how you may feel even if I can't feel it myself.

It may depend on the ISTP, for example I'm neurotypical. I don't have autism (other end of the spectrum here), so reading other people's body language, intentions and emotions is rather easy for me even if I'm inhibited in my own emotional expression. You probably wouldn't even need to express it in words, I'd most likely pick up on it from your body language alone.

*The socionics explanation is this:*

SLIs (ISTp) are usually not focused on and are often unaware of emotional considerations in conversation. They are generally not good at reading people's emotional states and are often not inclined to perceive or speculate about others' underlying emotional states or motivations that are not obvious from their behavior. This can sometimes make them appear uncaring and insensitive.

Some SLIs do not consciously acknowledge the importance of their own emotions, and many try not to allow their emotional states to influence their decisions or pragmatic focuses. Nonetheless, SLIs are not immune to emotional influence, but they often do not realize how strong their emotions can be until they experience them.

SLIs are usually not very gregarious and have difficulty establishing new interpersonal connections. They tend to value established attachments very deeply, but often they are not focused on emotional bonds; instead, their lifestyle leads them towards a path of relatively peaceful seclusion, and they may understate the importance of people in their lives or be disinterested in trying to pursue connections with others.

Though SLIs are usually respectful and good-natured people, they do not always show this side of themselves. Depending on circumstances they can appear self-righteous and stubborn. This most commonly happens when they perceive that someone is behaving in an obviously insincere manner or hindering their goals or their lifestyle.

:dry: this is one thing I don't really relate to when it comes to being a thinker. Reading other people seems ez to me, I just fail at communicating my own emotions and detest sappy fake Fe.


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## Anonymous12345 (Apr 27, 2020)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> Or is that not a thing?


 I get bothered with it sometimes when it’s a politican speaking to a crowd of people, not at the politican, but at the fact at how well emotional manipulation works. It’s a reminder of the world I live in, filled with people open to be manipulated like that.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

ai.tran.75 said:


> The title stated why are NT annoyed by emotions


 No, this is NOT what the title states, this is not what the thread is about, and I'm tired of people who keep taking the discussion this way. The thread is not about NTs being bothered by emotions in general; it's about NTs being bothered by people stating things in an emotional fashion. That refers to *statements*, not just bare expressions of emotion and not necessarily even talking about emotions.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

We’re annoyed by them because we do not understand ‘’emotions’’
Plus when discussing a logical argument emotions are illogical


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## SouDesuNyan (Sep 8, 2015)

It depends, because there are so many types of emotions. For example, a logical statement said in an enthusiastic way is fine, although I might be slightly confused by the enthusiasm. Just don't expect too much emotion from me since it would probably lead to disappointment.


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## Always Tired (May 5, 2020)

I like feedback and to know what people think or feel about different things. I don't want to be uncomfortable, so I don't want to make someone else uncomfortable or see someone else being made uncomfortable. I'll be bothered if it becomes emotional manipulation. That feels like cheating to me.


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## contradictionary (Apr 1, 2018)

Even when I want to be bothered I do not really know how. So it is not like really bothered or annoyed per se, i am simply clueless to response.


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## lilysocks (Nov 7, 2012)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> about NTs being bothered by people stating things in an emotional fashion.


I think i can answer that: it pre-emptively (indirectly) tells me how I'm supposed or expected to frame it myself. It skips a step. I dislike that reflexively. 

This is how I experience it. I don't say this is objectively what's going on. But when I listen to someone I want to give them the full and sober respect of my full and sober attention to them. That doesn't include being told how to think. To me it means you give me the information, i process it and once I'm done processing it I will tell you whatever my pov is. If you jump me past any of that I'm only partway engaged and then I start asking myself 'why am I even in this again?'


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## DazzlingDexter (Apr 13, 2020)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> Or is that not a thing?


I am fine with peoples being emotional. I just do not care for it when they either A.Make it my problem B.Deny facts in favor of it C.Try to prove me wrong based on them. Though if explained "You could have handled that in a better way because you hurt said persons feelings. Here what you should have done" I am very likely to go apologize. I can also be very blunt sometimes and realize I probably have hurt a few peoples feelings. I literally had people attack me for not being emotionally expressive enough and I always been very introverted with my feelings, despite being very friendly in general.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> Or is that not a thing?


I don't know whether it is a "thing" or not, but emotional melodrama usually isn't helpful to a situation.

I'm not into people who use exaggerated emotional outbursts to manipulate others.

I find histrionics annoying, not normal expressions of emotional trauma.


* *




Of course when I get frustrated because something I need to do is well outside my wheelhouse, that's completely different!


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## Skimt (May 24, 2020)

I have a low tolerance for being abused, and excuses.


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## Zaitzev (Nov 26, 2017)

People tend to be bothered by things they aren't naturally good at, regardless their type


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## contradictionary (Apr 1, 2018)

To add to my last post. I think one thing that making me unable to process emotion is because, taking from experience, many emotional situation tends to be manipulative.

Which in turn making me quite sensitive to emotional "taste" in every thing i see, read, watch. Some kind of personal metrics. The stronger the "taste" the more restless I get, not to follow the flow with the emotion but in the exact opposite. If i read something bombasticly emotionally disturbing my gag reflect would say, this could be a big fat lie.

Most of the time, my gag reflect is correct and save me from unnecessary complexities.

Lastly, i do amateur photography. That had me fully realized the power of "frame" and "composure" in instilling emotion to the observers.


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## Alice Alipheese (Aug 16, 2019)

Well for me trying to state your opinion based off your own beliefs (AHEM Fi!) wont get you anywhere with me, if its on purpose i purposely beat them over the head with logic. If its on accident i tend to just correct/poke at their opinion and piss them off. this time on accident. Emotions themselves dont bother me, trying to manipulate me with them though is going to get you a grade A verbal asshoping.


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## Senah (Oct 17, 2017)

I agree with a lot of others. I think NTs get a bad rap of not "being emotional" or being able to connect emotionally. I am an ENTP and my partner is and INTP. We both really care about emotional connection and our friends and family see it. The difference comes when (and I echo this because it has been said) people use subjective personal opinions or emotions to make important decisions or analyze a situation. In medicine (and physics - my partner's discipline), we rely on data and evidence-based decision making. When I am discussing with someone their feelings are absolutely valid, but they also need to recognize the inherent bias of emotion (chemical, neurological in terms of perception/communication/processing/memory) and put it in the context of facts. 

For example, I hear people in relationships being like, "I had a partner cheat on me in the past. I want your phone key code." The other person would say, "But I have never cheated on anyone, I would like some privacy, and you should trust me because we are in a relationship." Their partner responds "I know it doesn't make sense, but do it for me if you love me." Do you give in? Or do you acknowledge the feelings and help them work through, triaging the emotional reaction below factual information.

You also get this in the vein of "what is RIGHT is more important than the facts" in today's media. I think - don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. NTs feel, we respect emotion, but we don't let it be the only thing that guides us.


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