# Finding myself in a relationship with yet another ISTP...



## Chelsaroo (Aug 13, 2011)

I have been with my current boyfriend for 10 and a half months. The first 4 months I think we honestly rushed getting into a relationship which amounted to him guarding his space quite frequently. I'm also his first serious girlfriend. During this time i frequently felt rejected by him.

I originally thought he was ISFP but I am now thinking he may lean more to ISTP. Regardless, we are different personality types for sure. 

The first thing is, I can feel kind of lonely when we are away from one another. He is someone who says he gets distracted easily and he's artsy so if he's into something he's doing, he will forget to talk to me for hours. Most days I get maybe 2-3 texts and occasionally a phone call, and we could be apart for anywhere from 2-5 days max. 

The second thing is he isn't good at being verbally expressive. Well actually we have tons of fun, laughing, joking, we cuddle on the couch, I'm almost always attached to him somehow and when we are doing that, I feel content. Its just it took him a long time to say I love you and the frequency is... kinda bad. He said it a few times and then quit. I am a verbal person who, unfortunately, likes a lot of reassurance.

We do see each other often, about 3-4 times a week my schedule and his permitting. I do juggle work, school, and various other pursuits but always find time to be with him. Sometimes I don't get that same desire from him. He can sometimes be lazy about driving. 

He has lots of great qualities though, besides those things. He will cook for me, get me something to drink, help me with my bags, clean up a mess for me, give me gas money if he's worried I won't have enough, worries about me, etc. When I look into his eyes, I see the love. But don't know why I still want a little bit more from him. 

He told me he loved me on valentine's day of this year. I expected to be able to tell him my feelings freely but he was still kinda uncomfortable from what i could tell.

Out of nowhere about a week ago i started freaking out and doubting everything. I know i love him, but i want to feel more connected. I started wondering if i was happy. Now I've been crazy stressed, working 40 hours, school full time. This got me at a low point.

I started worrying about how serious he was, and the future. He told me he thinks day by day. 

I finally discussed it all with him and he's been saying he loves me more. He wants to make me happy. I believe he does too. I do think we should talk more, also. I don't know if I should ask if we could have a phone call once a day, nothing lengthy but more consistency. 

I kind of feel like he is more independent than me. I want this to work! But i need a wee bit more . I believe if he can do those things i would be happier. I also think we need to try new things, we spend a lot of time on the couch. Our sex life is kinda repetitive but I am still physically attracted to him. I think we have different expectations and also believe I could use more friends, as I only have him to lean on and he can't fulfill everything. What should I do? I love him, but don't feel romanced or like we can be totally intimate.


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## soppixo (Jun 29, 2011)

Definitely sounds like an ISTP.

Btw, you should have posted this straight to the ISTP forum. We usually click right in, so well- sorry for missing this. And also, check out the threads, it should help you understand him and how to get him to give you what you need.

Don't worry so much. The fact that your ISTP has actually vocalized "I love you" means that he really does love you. I probably say "I love you" to my dad once every 4~5 years. We have a big problem with expressing affection to other humans.

As for the romance portion.....well you really need to discuss it with your ISTP. We're really weirded out by emotions and feelings, even if it is our own- says something about our vulnerability and trust issues. You can't force it out of us, would only make us clamp up tighter.

It would be best if you had a talk with him, and tell him your worries- straight to the point, that you don't feel loved enough, you want to do new stuff, have freaky sex etc. BUT do not overwhelm him all at once with your complaints, it'd only serve to make him think that you're finding faults and he'd end up trusting you less. ISTPs are game to do lots of weird shit, you just need to convince them to try it.

Also if you seriously like this guy, don't abandon him the moment you feel you aren't getting enough love. ISTPs hate people like that. We see them as irrational, fickle and most importantly untrustworthy. You're never getting back in if you hurt him bad enough on your way out. So hang in there, enlighten him on your problems (we're bad at picking up on cues), and give him time to adapt before labeling your relationship as "going no where".


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