# should I give up on dating and trying to get a girlfriend?



## JoetheBull

This question pops in my mind often since I have a hard time with dating, relationship, and trying to figure how they work and why I have the need for a relationship so much. I have had no success on online dating sites and eharmony rejected me lol. The only way to get on that website is to lie on the personality test. I hate the bar scene and clubs. Only real places for me to meet girls is school and conventions. I am not that bad looking of a guy. Not dead handsome and not plain beaten with an ugly either. I am not very big on drinking and I have been told by some that I am boring and pathetic. Part of thinks there is still hope in solving this problem no matter how difficult it is. But I am curious on what some of you think. Should I keep pondering or just get use to being single and alone? And thank you for listening to my rant of insanity and for your opinions:crazy:.


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## Mercer

JoetheBull said:


> This question pops in my mind often since I have a hard time with dating, relationship, and trying to figure how they work and why I have the need for a relationship so much. I have had no success on online dating sites and eharmony rejected me lol. The only way to get on that website is to lie on the personality test. I hate the bar scene and clubs. Only real places for me to meet girls is school and conventions. I am not that bad looking of a guy. Not dead handsome and not plain beaten with an ugly either. I am not very big on drinking and I have been told by some that I am boring and pathetic. Part of thinks there is still hope in solving this problem no matter how difficult it is. But I am curious on what some of you think. Should I keep pondering or just get use to being single and alone? And thank you for listening to my rant of insanity and for your opinions:crazy:.


doing it wrong

read this, meditate on it.

David DeAngelo - Double Your Dating.pdf


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## parallel

Be yourself, that's the most effective thing you can do. Learning how to read body language also helps significantly. Seeing by your profile that you're 28 and assuming you haven't gotten anywhere with dating and relationships, now is a good time to get started. Maybe you could see if one of your (female) friends could set you up with a single friend of theirs?



> told by some that I am boring and pathetic.


Forget about those people. What are your hobbies?


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## Linus

Maybe when you give up, that's when you'll get one ;-)


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## TurranMC

If you want to be alone for the rest of your life, sure, that's cool. But I don't think that's what you want. I simply recommend you find out what your issues are and work to improve them. There could also simply be an issue with the women you're trying to talk to. Perhaps you should try looking for women in other areas, or looking for different kind of women in general.


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## JoetheBull

lateralus said:


> Be yourself, that's the most effective thing you can do. Learning how to read body language also helps significantly. Seeing by your profile that you're 28 and assuming you haven't gotten anywhere with dating and relationships, now is a good time to get started. Maybe you could see if one of your (female) friends could set you up with a single friend of theirs?
> 
> Forget about those people. What are your hobbies?


:laughing: My female friend is the one of the people who said I was boring and pathetic. Plus she doesn't have any female friends. She mainly thinks that way since I am a geek and never had a girlfriend. 

my hobbies are playing video games, anime, drawing, piano, learning languages, making amv s, studying evolution, and martial arts.


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## Blueguardian

Seeing as I am single as well and rather not be, I don't think I am much qualified for giving solid advice, but I will present my own take on it none the less. I have been told, relationships happen when you least expect them, and with whom you least expect. Try not to think about that too much. I did and came up with my best friend Derek... the thought sent chills down my back.

*ahem*Back to the point. I think being yourself really is best, like stated before. I find that when I am feeling lonely, and trying to meet people with the idea that I really want to be with this person romantically. I can't possibly act like myself. Do not give up, just don't hyper focus on it. Keep positive. Take mental notes.
As for your interests, video games and anime seem to be less common of an interest in the general female population. There are those that do like them though, and they are awesome. If you were trying to emphasize hobbies of yours to impress a wider range of potential people...I would go with your more creative hobbies, like drawing, piano, language, and AMV creation. Evolution study is probably fine too, unless they are anti-evolution, or just not interested in learning.

Martial arts seems like it could be also beneficial after you get to know someone a bit, and are more personal. I wouldn't flaunt it, unless they want you too. Just knowing you are capable of protecting them if the situation is needed could be a plus. Small talk and your body language could have a big impact as well from what I've been told. I am still bad myself with this so all I can say is perhaps look into this?

I would personally try to find like minded people, if you are not already doing this yourself. 

As to where you could find people you are interested in. I have no idea. I am not sure what kinds of women you are attracted too. I also tend to be somewhat reclusive... I would have a hard time telling anyone where to meet women in general aside stereotypical places. 

roud:


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## thehigher

Mercer said:


> doing it wrong
> 
> read this, meditate on it.
> 
> David DeAngelo - Double Your Dating.pdf


fml 




`````````````


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## daedaln

JoetheBull said:


> This question pops in my mind often since I have a hard time with dating, relationship, and trying to figure how they work and why I have the need for a relationship so much. I have had no success on online dating sites and eharmony rejected me lol. The only way to get on that website is to lie on the personality test. I hate the bar scene and clubs. Only real places for me to meet girls is school and conventions. I am not that bad looking of a guy. Not dead handsome and not plain beaten with an ugly either. I am not very big on drinking and I have been told by some that I am boring and pathetic. Part of thinks there is still hope in solving this problem no matter how difficult it is. But I am curious on what some of you think. Should I keep pondering or just get use to being single and alone? And thank you for listening to my rant of insanity and for your opinions:crazy:.


You need to stop obsessing about it. I'm not kidding. A girl knows when a guy is trying too hard and it's a huge turn-off.


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## thehigher

yes you should give up. Hell no! I feel your pain though. It's pretty annoying not connecting/being lonely. Stay in there though.... never throw in the towel!


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## Linus

You see.. if you feel pretty awful, it will help you in the long term and also for your sanity to be independent. People come and go, nobody can stay forever exactly if you know what I mean. Is there something that drives your life, that only concerns you and not others? What do you want the relationship for? If you boil down the reasons, isn't it something you can fulfill yourself? Once you know, you'll discover a whole new kind of freedom 


It's really so much more fun when it's a surprise and happens on its own.


Blueguardian said:


> I have been told, relationships happen when you least expect them, and with whom you least expect. Try not to think about that too much.


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## Mercer

thehigher said:


> fml
> 
> 
> 
> 
> `````````````


lol wut





.


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## JoetheBull

daedaln said:


> You need to stop obsessing about it. I'm not kidding. A girl knows when a guy is trying too hard and it's a huge turn-off.


People normally tells me I am not trying hard enough:laughing:. The last girl I asked out was a stripper :laughing:. Strangely she was the only girl that had said yes. But she never called me back though. I only called once and that's it.


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## murderegina

Why do you to refer to taking a break from dating as giving up?


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## JoetheBull

murderegina said:


> Why do you to refer to taking a break from dating as giving up?


 problem is I never really started dating and never really been on a legitimate date before. I get shot down in high school and after high school I only asked out two girls. And being socially inept doesn't help much either. 

I just thought of this a second ago. My curiosity of what it is like in a relationship and the insecurity of the absence of experience of being in a relationship are what bothering me most at the moment. Of course loneliness is bothering me also but unfulfilled curiosity has a history of driving nuts. Especially when others seem to find out effortlessly:crazy:.


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## murderegina

JoetheBull said:


> I just thought of this a second ago. My curiosity of what it is like in a relationship and the insecurity of the absence of experience of being in a relationship are what bothering me most at the moment. :.



Do you have an expectation of what you think it would feel like? The way you describe the absence gives me the vibe you think you have a void? What do you think?


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## LostInMyOwnMind

Linus said:


> Maybe when you give up, that's when you'll get one ;-)


Very sage advice. Stop trying and it will come to you. Just be yourself, being phony or trying too hard are going to show in a negative way. There's is someone for everyone. Stop fretting about it and enjoy the life you have until it changes.


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## JoetheBull

murderegina said:


> Do you have an expectation of what you think it would feel like? The way you describe the absence gives me the vibe you think you have a void? What do you think?


I suspect I would feel a little difference in my life if I was in a relationship. What it would feel like I am completely unsure of. I see how you could get a vibe that I think I have void. I guess a part of me does feel like there is a void. I wonder from what. Could be from a lack of purpose or feelings of incompetence. These are interesting questions you have asked thank you.


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## murderegina

JoetheBull said:


> I suspect I would feel a little difference in my life if I was in a relationship. What it would feel like I am completely unsure of. I see how you could get a vibe that I think I have void. I guess a part of me does feel like there is a void. I wonder from what. Could be from a lack of purpose or feelings of incompetence. These are interesting questions you have asked thank you.


Do you think that the sought for the feeling of being wanted, understood, and mirrored by another, gives you an outlet for the feeling of incompetence? What I mean is, say you found the "perfect" person to be with right now and the feeling was mutual? Do you think those feelings would absolve themselves upon entering a relationship? They may or may not, I don't know how you feel..I'm just curious.


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## Rube

JoetheBull said:


> *Should I keep pondering or just get use to being single and alone?* And thank you for listening to my rant of insanity and for your opinions:crazy:.


Eh, bad idea buddy. I've tried to live that way for most of my short life and all I got out of it was therapy and some new meds. But I'm afraid I don't have any real advice for you, seeing as how I'm in a similar position. But most of the people on here seem to think it'd be best to stop trying so hard and just kinda go with the flow, so maybe we should try that? Problem is the whole notion of a relationship forming when you don't even try to start one confuses me. I mean, how can it happen if you don't try?


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## JoetheBull

murderegina said:


> Do you think that the sought for the feeling of being wanted, understood, and mirrored by another, gives you an outlet for the feeling of incompetence? What I mean is, say you found the "perfect" person to be with right now and the feeling was mutual? Do you think those feelings would absolve themselves upon entering a relationship? They may or may not, I don't know how you feel..I'm just curious.


I think some of the feelings will absolve but some will remain. But only after being in the relationship for a little bit. I think a lot of the anxieties from not knowing what to expect and what is expected from me in the relationship due to the lack of experience will stick with me for a while after being in a relationship. Actually one of my biggest fears is I am going screw up the very few chances I will have at having a relationship in life. I think I trailed off from the question. I think over time after being in a relationship it will absolve. Especially if it is a stable relationship and me and my partner get along with each other very well.


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## Ungweliante

Mercer said:


> doing it wrong
> 
> read this, meditate on it.
> 
> David DeAngelo - Double Your Dating.pdf


A shallow guy posing as a deep one doesn't work for nearly all women. It might get you sex with some shallow women, though.


Women are just people. As long as there are same interests, honesty and a sense of humour, you're on the right track.


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## thehigher

Ungweliante said:


> A shallow guy posing as a deep one doesn't work for nearly all women. It might get you sex with some shallow women, though.
> 
> 
> Women are just people. As long as there are same interests, honesty and a sense of humour, you're on the right track.


Listen to her. For your own good. I actually listened to this guy and it sent me to very very bad and confused places.


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## JoetheBull

don't worry I tried reading his stuff before. Lets just say I eventually got bored and annoyed as I read on and was feeling like I was wasting my time and energy. So I disregarded the information I collect and went back and read the complete idiots guide to dating for the 5th time or so


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## Xplosive

You're not going to attract others, let alone have much chance of being happy by yourself with your current insecure state of mind. The first and most important step for you is to be comfortable with and accept yourself - stop caring so much what others think of you. This doesn't mean you should give up and not focus on improving yourself at all, but instead approach it and life in general with a more positive, can do, 'enjoy the process' frame of mind.

I'd recommend reading The Book of Pook (compilation of posts by a poster on a PUA message board) - it focuses on developing the 'inner self' and he delivers his messages in a very creative and entertaining way too (I think the author is most likely an INTP).


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## Jerick

How are you asking these girls? If you're just saying "hi, can I have your number?" They probably won't since they don't know anything about you. For example, if some guy walks up to you and says "hi, I want to be your friend, can I have your number?" What would you do?

I think the best way with someone that uses Ne, is to come up with a plan that will at least be a little bit successful, then go out and try it. Come up with a few conversational pieces that tie in who you are and what's interesting about you, and try to see if they have any common interests that you can talk about. The more times you try, the more your Ne will help to learn the proper way. You don't need to find a wife on your first try. Go home and use your Ti to think about what happened and what you could've done differently, then go out again.

Oh yeah, and even if your female friend doesn't know any girls, having her with you and vouching for you will help you with other girls a lot.


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## SeekJess

When you give up on finding love, it will find you. It's true... unfortunately.


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## TurranMC

I don't agree with everyone saying to just stop trying. I can think of a variety of reasons to stop trying that I can agree with. For instance perhaps you should stop for now, work to improve yourself in some way, and then try again later. But to say to stop trying because then it will happen is ridiculous. I don't know about you guys but I don't like to leave my future up to chance.


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## Calvaire

Love yourself first.

I have a feeling that you don't
accept yourself enough.

It's cliche but true
no one else is going to love you if you don't love yourself.


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## LostInMyOwnMind

TurranMC said:


> I don't agree with everyone saying to just stop trying. I can think of a variety of reasons to stop trying that I can agree with. For instance perhaps you should stop for now, work to improve yourself in some way, and then try again later. But to say to stop trying because then it will happen is ridiculous. I don't know about you guys but I don't like to leave my future up to chance.


The point of everyone saying to stop trying is the fact that he's trying too hard and over analyzing things. At this point he's his own worst enemy. He's dissecting his every action and thereby acting in a very unnatural way and its obvious to any woman he approaches. If he surrenders to it then he will be acting in a more attractive and natural manner.


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## JoetheBull

JoleneSummer said:


> Love yourself first.
> 
> I have a feeling that you don't
> accept yourself enough.
> 
> It's cliche but true
> no one else is going to love you if you don't love yourself.


I can see how you sense I don't accept myself enough and possible true due to certain issues I am still working out with myself. What you say is true though no matter how cliche it is. I use to be a lot worst when I was depressed years ago and despised myself. Much better now. I like myself despite how much my friends are annoyed with my decisions and interest.


I also like to thank everyone so far for you responses. They have been quite helpful


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## reyesaaronringo

*self pity*

i never saw a wild thing 
sorry for itself.
a small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself

D.H. Lawrence


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## Kittie

Don't try and go into a relationship just because..It could seem like your single for a long time but relationships take a long time to develop. If you like someone try dating them first and soon you might become a legit couple. I was the same way..i thought relationships just weren't my thing until i found the person of my dreams. Relationships are a lot of work but its so amazing. Don't depend on others to tell you if you should be in a relationship or not..it's up to you in the end.


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## Andrea

let's take a cue from a different science:
"no matter how good your product is, the only way it'll sell is if it is marketed well. period."
likewise, a winning personality isn't going to sell itself. keeping this in mind, work on your presentation, and actively try to minimize any awkwardity or insecurities you might have. it isn't politically correct, but the important thing is that it works.


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## 1057

Mercer said:


> doing it wrong
> 
> read this, meditate on it.
> 
> David DeAngelo - Double Your Dating.pdf


i skimmed over that e-book and honestly, i think it's pure shit. maybe i'm just not understanding it, but it sounds _painfully_ misogynistic. the only solid advice i think he gave was:

*"1) Decide what kind of woman *(or man)* you want.
2) Find out what is attractive to her *(or him)* and be it.
3) Go where these women*/men* are likely to be (or set up a situation
where they come to you).
4) Approach them and engage (or, if you can figure out how to get
them to approach you, do that.)"*

there ya have it, folks.


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## JoetheBull

Kittie said:


> Don't try and go into a relationship just because..It could seem like your single for a long time but relationships take a long time to develop. If you like someone try dating them first and soon you might become a legit couple. I was the same way..i thought relationships just weren't my thing until i found the person of my dreams. Relationships are a lot of work but its so amazing. Don't depend on others to tell you if you should be in a relationship or not..it's up to you in the end.


I know there's no getting around the dating thing. Unless I get a mail order bride :laughing:. But when it comes to dating I have absolutely no luck what so even. I have only been on maybe one legitimate date in my life. It's not that I don't think relationships aren't my thing. It's just seem like I only have about 2% of a chance of getting a date anytime in my life. And that's the optimistic percentage. But like you said the decision is up to me in the end. I will not give up on the idea that me getting a date or even a girlfriend is not impossible. Even if the odds are against me completely:laughing::laughing::laughing:.



Andrea said:


> let's take a cue from a different science:
> "no matter how good your product is, the only way it'll sell is if it is marketed well. period."
> likewise, a winning personality isn't going to sell itself. keeping this in mind, work on your presentation, and actively try to minimize any awkwardity or insecurities you might have. it isn't politically correct, but the important thing is that it works.


I always have trouble with business analogies. Mainly because I can't sell anything for the life of me and not interested in even bothering to try. But I do kind of see where you are going with this.


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## thehigher

JoetheBull said:


> I know there's no getting around the dating thing. Unless I get a mail order bride :laughing:. But when it comes to dating I have absolutely no luck what so even. I have only been on maybe one legitimate date in my life. It's not that I don't think relationships aren't my thing. It's just seem like I only have about 2% of a chance of getting a date anytime in my life. And that's the optimistic percentage. But like you said the decision is up to me in the end. I will not give up on the idea that me getting a date or even a girlfriend is not impossible. Even if the odds are against me completely:laughing::laughing::laughing:.
> 
> 
> 
> I always have trouble with business analogies. Mainly because I can't sell anything for the life of me and not interested in even bothering to try. But I do kind of see where you are going with this.


I'll be on the lookout for you . Have you tried online? I've met a shit load of good friends that i connect with online. Maybe you could find a relationship? Also .... I've noticed.... depending on the scene of course.... but local concerts tend to have intuitives.... at least in my area.


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## JoetheBull

thehigher said:


> I'll be on the lookout for you . Have you tried online? I've met a shit load of good friends that i connect with online. Maybe you could find a relationship? Also .... I've noticed.... depending on the scene of course.... but local concerts tend to have intuitives.... at least in my area.



I have meet some friends online. Mainly in Final Fantasy XI. Strangely I am more shy online then I am in real life. Probably because I have a hard time spelling and not a very quick typist. Not many local concerts that I know of. Only been to the one where my brother's band played. My chances usually increase when I go to conventions. I am more comfortable around other geeks with similar interest and have meet and had random conversations with people there. Except last year my sister's wedding was on the same weekend. So that cut my time there short. Thanks for the lookout man (salute):crazy:


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## Ungweliante

Regan said:


> *2) Find out what is attractive to her *(or him)* and be it.*


Be yourself. Develop your characteristics that cause problems for you.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

Mercer said:


> doing it wrong
> 
> read this, meditate on it.
> 
> David DeAngelo - Double Your Dating.pdf


@mercer: That's just a scheme to fuck as many ES girls as possible. He stated that he wanted a relationship, not a bed warmer. Here's my pet solution: kill competitive guys until they have to date you or turn lesbian. Or, use this site's dating thing. If you're really desperate, try a mail order bride service, but don't get sucked into the bullship. Finally, use a real matchmaker service.


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## JoetheBull

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> @mercer: That's just a scheme to fuck as many ES girls as possible. He stated that he wanted a relationship, not a bed warmer.


That's a good sum up of that double your dating thing.:laughing:


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## Rube

JoetheBull said:


> That's a good sum up of that double your dating thing.:laughing:


haha, yea :laughing:

Although personally I'd prefer one meaningful relationship over 20 shallow ones. But seeing as I haven't had any I'm guessing I might need to alter that view :crazy:


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## Socrates

I'll just go ahead and say no, because you'll end up wishing you hadn't given up when you're dying alone.


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## JoetheBull

Clandestine said:


> I'll just go ahead and say no, because you'll end up wishing you hadn't given up when you're dying alone.


Good point. Better to die trying then to live regretfully I guess.


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## JoetheBull

This thread shall not die. At least not yet.

It's kind of strange but every time I read books or articles on dating I get the sense that only people who have any kind of experience with dating or not socially stupid are able to understand anything there talking about. Of course this triggers thoughts and reasons I should just give up. Of course it would be easier to ignore these thoughts if they didn't make any sense. Is there any means to counter these thoughts? Would prefer to keep thinking there is still a chance. no matter how small it is:laughing:


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## KrystRay

JoetheBull said:


> I know there's no getting around the dating thing. Unless I get a mail order bride :laughing:. But when it comes to dating I have absolutely no luck what so even. I have only been on maybe one legitimate date in my life. It's not that I don't think relationships aren't my thing. It's just seem like I only have about 2% of a chance of getting a date anytime in my life. And that's the optimistic percentage. But like you said the decision is up to me in the end. I will not give up on the idea that me getting a date or even a girlfriend is not impossible. Even if the odds are against me completely:laughing::laughing::laughing:.
> 
> I always have trouble with business analogies. Mainly because I can't sell anything for the life of me and not interested in even bothering to try. But I do kind of see where you are going with this.


I started out reading this thread with a completely open mind and actually read most of it. I don't know what you look like, but I can picture you as "that guy" in my mind. The hot chick you have a crush on WOW is really a guy. Video games? Really? You're going to be associating with single 14 year old boys on Counter Strike rather than girls? Definitely NOT the way to learn to talk to us...

Maybe I see things differently because I'm goal oriented. Your goal is that you want a girlfriend. How does one go about that? Learn about things that interest girls! Video games and animae are not going to cut it, especially if you want someone who actually steps outside her own house. You are hiding inside your head and your own little world that you have created (which, according to your hobbies, is pretty pathetic. No offense. I'm being totally objective here), and no girl wants to go into that world. 

My advice to you (from a girl who has gone out on a billion dates with nerds and jocks and everything in between) is that you need to go OUTSIDE and experience life. Accomplish something other than the levels of your video games. Girls are generally not impressed by your online ranking. 

You seem like a pretty smart guy. I mean, you study languages. How about history? I love a man that can teach me something I don't already know (which isn't much, since I'm one of those annoying know-it-alls), and doesn't bore me on the way there. Most women (the ones who will sleep with you anyway) are not going to be impressed with your mad gaming skills. I'm going to advise against trying to talk to us about them. 

Since I'm on the subject of video games, I'll tell you what my problem is with them. When I was 19, I dated a guy who LOVED his Counter Strike. He would invite me over to his house and then he'd play for hours on end. Let me tell you the level of respect that he earned and how important I felt on his priority list... I don't think any girl deserves to feel that way. You have to make the decision to have some self control and focus your attention elsewhere that seems a little more comfortable and classy to a woman. Something that actually matters, perhaps? Volunteer. Meet people without having expectations of them. Women can see your seething desperation a mile away and it makes us want to run! 

Work on expanding your own horizons in your own circle of influence. Go outside for a run, volunteer with animals if you don't like people, read to a group of kids in an aftercare facility... If you're growing a goatee or mustache, shave it off because it's probably creepy... Make sure you're clean and presentable. It always amazes me the difference a little human interaction makes! You don't know social norms, the only way to learn is to go out there and experience it!


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## thehigher

KrystRay said:


> (which, according to your hobbies, is pretty pathetic. No offense. I'm being totally objective here)!


Not exactly objective


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## ForsakenMe

Perhaps therapy could help... I haven't read this whole thread, but you should perhaps hire someone to help you and make you feel more better about yourself.


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## JoetheBull

KrystRay said:


> I started out reading this thread with a completely open mind and actually read most of it. I don't know what you look like, but I can picture you as "that guy" in my mind. The hot chick you have a crush on WOW is really a guy. Video games? Really? You're going to be associating with single 14 year old boys on Counter Strike rather than girls? Definitely NOT the way to learn to talk to us...
> 
> Maybe I see things differently because I'm goal oriented. Your goal is that you want a girlfriend. How does one go about that? Learn about things that interest girls! Video games and animae are not going to cut it, especially if you want someone who actually steps outside her own house. You are hiding inside your head and your own little world that you have created (which, according to your hobbies, is pretty pathetic. No offense. I'm being totally objective here), and no girl wants to go into that world.
> 
> My advice to you (from a girl who has gone out on a billion dates with nerds and jocks and everything in between) is that you need to go OUTSIDE and experience life. Accomplish something other than the levels of your video games. Girls are generally not impressed by your online ranking.
> 
> You seem like a pretty smart guy. I mean, you study languages. How about history? I love a man that can teach me something I don't already know (which isn't much, since I'm one of those annoying know-it-alls), and doesn't bore me on the way there. Most women (the ones who will sleep with you anyway) are not going to be impressed with your mad gaming skills. I'm going to advise against trying to talk to us about them.
> 
> Since I'm on the subject of video games, I'll tell you what my problem is with them. When I was 19, I dated a guy who LOVED his Counter Strike. He would invite me over to his house and then he'd play for hours on end. Let me tell you the level of respect that he earned and how important I felt on his priority list... I don't think any girl deserves to feel that way. You have to make the decision to have some self control and focus your attention elsewhere that seems a little more comfortable and classy to a woman. Something that actually matters, perhaps? Volunteer. Meet people without having expectations of them. Women can see your seething desperation a mile away and it makes us want to run!
> 
> Work on expanding your own horizons in your own circle of influence. Go outside for a run, volunteer with animals if you don't like people, read to a group of kids in an aftercare facility... If you're growing a goatee or mustache, shave it off because it's probably creepy... Make sure you're clean and presentable. It always amazes me the difference a little human interaction makes! You don't know social norms, the only way to learn is to go out there and experience it!


Never played counter strike. I don't remember mentioning a crush on wow either. I don't even remembering having one on wow. Mainly played solo majority of the time. I also don't have mad gaming skills. I usually get yelled at for being average skilled. Also not much going on outside in this town. Only thing to do is go to the movies, eat, book store, and Mall. Also don't say bar. I prefer making another attempt of committing suicide or burning the place down then to go they and suffer from boredom. They throw you out for sleeping for some reason. Only thing to do there since the only thing they watch is boring ass sports. And yes I study history. Also genetics, anthropology, psychology, art, and anything else that grabs my interest.

Therapy is out of the question. I have a tendency not to trust them and over analyze there analysis. 

Probably should give up until I am capable of getting out of the east coast and this country.


----------



## Quin Sabe

I've got a question are there girls that you know you are attracted to them, not just lust, but a deep attraction?
I'm just curious, lol

I notice this came a page or two back, I deal with it on and off, but the whole insecurity of lack of relationship experience, that really wasn't talked about, is there a way for guy to overcome that without help?

I'm planing to wait until I move before I take on a actual relationship too, for me it's partly the girls around here, and mainly my parents.


----------



## JoetheBull

Quin Sabe said:


> I've got a question are there girls that you know you are attracted to them, not just lust, but a deep attraction?
> I'm just curious, lol


I haven't really felt that attracted to many of the girls I know that much. There where a few times feelings of lust but I simply ignore those feelings whenever I can. Haven't really had many crushes as I use to back during high school. Not sure if I am no longer capable of having such feelings, I am more cautious, or I just haven't meet many women that seem remotely interesting.


----------



## Quin Sabe

I'm about the same way, It's been years since I felt a clean cut attraction to anyone. I've felt some attraction to few girls but it's been muddied. The insecurity experience thing really is helped when you know she is attracted to and wants you, but it seems extremely rare to find someone you're attracted to, who is attracted to you first, and makes it known to you in a blunt way. 

Who knows maybe we do need a change of scenery to make it happen but, I think good friends to run interference will probably be the only thing that really works.


----------



## KrystRay

JoetheBull said:


> Never played counter strike. I don't remember mentioning a crush on wow either. I don't even remembering having one on wow. Mainly played solo majority of the time. I also don't have mad gaming skills. I usually get yelled at for being average skilled. Also not much going on outside in this town. Only thing to do is go to the movies, eat, book store, and Mall. Also don't say bar. I prefer making another attempt of committing suicide or burning the place down then to go they and suffer from boredom. They throw you out for sleeping for some reason. Only thing to do there since the only thing they watch is boring ass sports. And yes I study history. Also genetics, anthropology, psychology, art, and anything else that grabs my interest.
> 
> Therapy is out of the question. I have a tendency not to trust them and over analyze there analysis.
> 
> Probably should give up until I am capable of getting out of the east coast and this country.


Most of that was generalizing the type of person you came across to me as. Sorry about not clairifying that. I'm just saying that you should do more meaningful things in your life rather than living completely for yourself. Volunteering and helping other people would be really therapeutic for you as you learn to relate to others. Do something that matters in life. Awesome that you have a wider range of interests, so meet others with the same interests. 

And your therapist doesn't care if you trust him or not. I'm sure they have their own lives, outside of yours going on and they aren't out to get you. You use them, they don't use you. Get it? Kind of like these threads. You pick and choose what you actually want to apply to your life. 

Everyone's life sucks at one point in time or another. I hated my life in the military (where they stationed me in a town of aobut 1,000 people) but I still found ways to help others and make a difference in my community. Until you have the resources to change your situation the way you want it changed, you should try some of the suggestions we've posted for you. 

Good luck!


----------



## Thrifty Walrus

The short answer is yes. I say that because once you stop trying you'll look more attractive. I think that's why INTP's and INTJ's and the like and ladies men in disguise. You always hear "well you have to play the game, be hard to get, blahblahblah" well those types literally could care less about getting a girlfriend, which is why they seem so attractive to the opposite sex (sometimes). Obviously I am generalizing quite a bit, but you get the idea. Stop being so whiny too, you just come across as a little whiny to me, no offense.


----------



## JoetheBull

KrystRay said:


> Most of that was generalizing the type of person you came across to me as. Sorry about not clairifying that. I'm just saying that you should do more meaningful things in your life rather than living completely for yourself. Volunteering and helping other people would be really therapeutic for you as you learn to relate to others. Do something that matters in life. Awesome that you have a wider range of interests, so meet others with the same interests.
> 
> And your therapist doesn't care if you trust him or not. I'm sure they have their own lives, outside of yours going on and they aren't out to get you. You use them, they don't use you. Get it? Kind of like these threads. You pick and choose what you actually want to apply to your life.
> 
> Everyone's life sucks at one point in time or another. I hated my life in the military (where they stationed me in a town of aobut 1,000 people) but I still found ways to help others and make a difference in my community. Until you have the resources to change your situation the way you want it changed, you should try some of the suggestions we've posted for you.
> 
> Good luck!


Need to be more careful about using generalizations. Also sounded a bit anti geek. Not all of us fit those stereo types. Actually the non geek gamers are usually the worst when it comes to video game addictions. At least from what I have seen and witnessed. Also people say I don't live for myself enough. I might not do volunteer work but I am the one people for some unknown reason people call for help with random things. 


Thrifty Walrus said:


> The short answer is yes. I say that because once you stop trying you'll look more attractive. I think that's why INTP's and INTJ's and the like and ladies men in disguise. You always hear "well you have to play the game, be hard to get, blahblahblah" well those types literally could care less about getting a girlfriend, which is why they seem so attractive to the opposite sex (sometimes). Obviously I am generalizing quite a bit, but you get the idea. Stop being so whiny too, you just come across as a little whiny to me, no offense.


Non taken kind of wondered if that is how I came across after reading some of my post after the depression subsided. I need to come up with a way to better suppress the pointless emotions that mess with my thinking.


----------



## vel

JoetheBull said:


> This thread shall not die. At least not yet.
> 
> It's kind of strange but every time I read books or articles on dating I get the sense that only people who have any kind of experience with dating or not socially stupid are able to understand anything there talking about. Of course this triggers thoughts and reasons I should just give up. Of course it would be easier to ignore these thoughts if they didn't make any sense. Is there any means to counter these thoughts? Would prefer to keep thinking there is still a chance. no matter how small it is:laughing:


nah, they just write these books and make it sound easy because they want your money!
mating is a hot topic for people (just like eating good food is - have you seen how many cook books are out there?) so the supply then meets the demand
after two relationships I really think that it is better to try and experience these kind of things live, via trial and error, rather than spend equivalent amount of time on theoretical reading



JoetheBull said:


> Non taken kind of wondered if that is how I came across after reading some of my post after the depression subsided. I need to come up with a way to better suppress the pointless emotions that mess with my thinking.


I think you should try to develop your emotions more. You can say all people on this advice forum are "complaining" - but alternative way to phrase it is that you're just posing a question and explaining the issues you have been having. If you suppress your emotions how do you expect to ever feel anything for any girl?  - better cultivate them than suppress.

I think what you're lacking is just initiative of just going out and putting effort into it. An ENTP dude I've known who was around your age, 5'6 (short), about 20 pounds overweight (not physically fit at all), grad student (poor), managed to squeeze something like 15 dates in period of 3 months. He was using OkCupid. So then he got a girlfriend. That lasted 3 months. Then after that he went to visit his parents and while there through facebook account hooked up with another girl who attended same school in past. That lasted 5 months. Then there was somebody else from facebook, but I don't know the ending but I think that lasted a year. The moral of this story is that he wasn't sitting there, thinking about it, from left side, from right side, dissecting himself, doing reading on theory, feeling ambivalent, thinking about why he feels ambivalent, contemplating whether it is worth the effort or not - he was just out doing it. He knew what he wanted and he went for it. Ok, it was mostly short-lived relationships but at least it was something as opposed to nothing. It is sort of not pain no gain thing. If you don't put any work into it and let this issue just live in the realm of your thoughts, nothing will come out of it but more thoughts.

Moving on to gaming. Average american spends something like 21 hours watching TV a week and this is considered OK. Spending same time behind computer for some reason is some kind of social outcast activity. Doesn't seem very logical. Only real thing to be aware of here is that if you spend too much time with your computer, you girl will feel neglected. Most girls will need attention, communication, and emotional reaffirmation of some kind. But if their guy is spending 5 hours each evening shooting up pixelated monsters then relationship doesn't seem to exist. There have been many a break-up and even divorces happening over issue of additive gaming. That's the only problem with it really, but it can be easily avoided if you make sure that you have your priorities straight and spend enough time with your girlfriend.


----------



## pinkrasputin

Wow. You play piano? In my circles it would be easy for you to get dates just by asking someone if they'd like to come over and play duets. That's pretty awesome. Are you not in contact with other pianists? Also singers always need a pianist. And many singers are women.

I could help you much more, but my work is better done through PMs. Write me, I'll see what's going on, and I'll help you get your dating life going. :wink:


----------



## Shine

No. Giving up never gets you what you want. You should give up whining about it though, seriously.


----------



## Thrifty Walrus

I'm telling you dude, stop trying! I suppose it goes to that whole thing, if you can't take care of yourself you can't take care of someone else? Sounds like you should sort out your own problems before adding another person to your life, although it may feel like having someone else IS the solution to your problems, it pretty much never is.


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## JoetheBull

vel said:


> I think you should try to develop your emotions more. You can say all people on this advice forum are "complaining" - but alternative way to phrase it is that you're just posing a question and explaining the issues you have been having. If you suppress your emotions how do you expect to ever feel anything for any girl?  - better cultivate them than suppress.


Poor choice of words on my part. I should of said control instead of suppress. by control I mean still feel the emotions but not let them interfere or overly control my thoughts. Not sure if that is clearer or more confusing:laughing:.



Thrifty Walrus said:


> I'm telling you dude, stop trying! I suppose it goes to that whole thing, if you can't take care of yourself you can't take care of someone else? Sounds like you should sort out your own problems before adding another person to your life, although it may feel like having someone else IS the solution to your problems, it pretty much never is.


Already on it. Some are life long but shouldn't interfere with a relationship or the other person in it. Taking care of the more constant annoying ones.


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## LostInMyOwnMind

Dude, stop trying to over analyze everything. In no way am I trying to offend you and if I do I apologize. You’re sounding desperate, people can sense the desperation and it’s unattractive. Just let it be and it will happen. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. 
Let me use an example. I once joined a bowling league because my hot neighbor was in the league. No the example isn’t about my hot neighbor, that just explains why I would do something so lame. Anyway, I’m just an average bowler but for some reason the first night of the league I bowled a 260 series average. I spent the rest of the season trying to analyze what I did to bowl so well. I was lucky to break 100. Point is, you are your own worst enemy. No, I did not hook up with the neighbor, se la vie.
I promise if you print this thread and stick it in the box where you keep all your mementos if you pull it out in 20 years you’ll read it and say “Wow, really?”


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## JoetheBull

I am actually in a bowling league. No women though. Not important mainly listen to head phones and try to win in brackets and beat old scores. Point taken. Hard not to over analyze sometimes. More importantly trying to stop thinking about it all together. I ask for advise on that a couple of post ago (at least thought I did) but everyone seemed to ignore that:laughing:.

NVM didn't word it very well. no wonder I failed english. So anyone knows how to stop thinking about dating, sex, and relationships?


----------



## darkstar13

JoetheBull said:


> This question pops in my mind often since I have a hard time with dating, relationship, and trying to figure how they work and why I have the need for a relationship so much. I have had no success on online dating sites and eharmony rejected me lol. The only way to get on that website is to lie on the personality test. I hate the bar scene and clubs. Only real places for me to meet girls is school and conventions. I am not that bad looking of a guy. Not dead handsome and not plain beaten with an ugly either. I am not very big on drinking and I have been told by some that I am boring and pathetic. Part of thinks there is still hope in solving this problem no matter how difficult it is. But I am curious on what some of you think. Should I keep pondering or just get use to being single and alone? And thank you for listening to my rant of insanity and for your opinions:crazy:.


You sound exactly like me, especially hating clubs and thinking the real places to meet is school or conventions.

What I did --
joined an org
joined a volunteer group
talked to a friend who might have another single friend
created an online profile
get into sports (badminton in my case)

What happened --
met acquaintances

Result --
Still alone.

Conclusion --
DOOMED.

Recommendation:
Try dating guys, haha.
I also failed.


Seriously,
I think our insecurities are eating us up. Although I know I have not made amends with myself completely, but in time I know I will. And when I do, I know I will find someone. So for the mean time, I try to be a better person in any way I can, learn things I can learn, do the things I want to do, so that when I meet the one for me, I am ready.


----------



## LostInMyOwnMind

I'm in no way an expert on life but I have been around the block a couple times.

Why don't you get involved in some kind of community service work? If you are good with your hands volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. Get out of your current circle, that’s obviously not working. Just make sure it’s something you enjoy or it will become a chore. Plus it looks good on a resume and you can feel good about yourself doing something valuable to the community. You need more exposure to the opposite sex, no pun intended.

Like a wise old friend of mine use to say, “If you hang out in a barber shop long enough it’s likely you’ll get a haircut.”


----------



## Elysia

JoetheBull said:


> :laughing: My female friend is the one of the people who said I was boring and pathetic. Plus she doesn't have any female friends. She mainly thinks that way since I am a geek and never had a girlfriend.


I'd just like to say that there are females who do love to play video games (as has already been said by Blueguardian, but I'd just like to reiterate that from a female's point of view). They are a minority, but they're not that rare, than again it perhaps depends on their age? I have no idea. I know a couple who actually started hanging out because of video games. Intelligence is also attractive and geeky-ness / social awkwardness can be quite cute which can lead to people making more of an effort to try to get to know you (apologies if you find being described 'cute' a negative :crazy.



Blueguardian said:


> As for your interests, video games and anime seem to be less common of an interest in the general female population. There are those that do like them though, and they are awesome.
> 
> Just knowing you are capable of protecting them if the situation is needed could be a plus.
> 
> I would personally try to find like minded people, if you are not already doing this yourself.


I agree with all of the above. Being able to protect is a plus (but not essential). Places to find like-minded people could be clubs? Perhaps a video-game club? Though I'm not sure what the male-female ratio would be like :tongue: A volunteer organisation is definitely a good idea as they are normally nice people, why else would they volunteer?



Ungweliante said:


> Women are just people. As long as there are same interests, honesty and a sense of humour, you're on the right track.


Definitely. Also genuine-ness. Pretending to be someone you aren't isn't the best way to go about doing things.

I also kind of agree with the people who say that love comes when you least expect it / it just happens when you stop trying. In order to increase your chances of meeting the right person, perhaps you should be trying to be friends with a lot of women and then see where that takes you? You don't have to be initially attracted to them, who knows where friendship will take you. I must say however that I am biased as I don't get the point of dating acquaintances/strangers as I'd rather know someone as a friend first so that I'd be able to assess whether it's worth embarking on a relationship with him.

I hope that kind of helped ^^



darkstar13 said:


> Conclusion --
> DOOMED.


Don't give up! Just keep on trying and you WILL meet the right person. The important thing is to keep meeting people otherwise you definitely are doomed :crazy:


----------



## DasPhillipBrau

isnt dating the step before getting in a relationshp?


----------



## SyndiCat

Lightleggy said:


> isnt dating the step before getting in a relationshp?


Where I'm from it's about getting drunk and accidently end up in bed with someone. It's very romantic.


----------



## Elysia

Lightleggy said:


> isnt dating the step before getting in a relationshp?


If two people were dating I'd assume they were in a relationship. 

Though are you meaning that dating is used to get to know each other better which leads to a 'proper' relationship?




MikeAngell said:


> Where I'm from it's about getting drunk and accidently end up in bed with someone. It's very romantic.


Isn't that called the one night stand? :crazy:


----------



## mrscientist

Didn't read the whole thing, but:
Use the martial arts to beat the shit out of anyone who calls you pathethic.


----------



## Rube

mrscientist said:


> Didn't read the whole thing, but:
> Use the martial arts to beat the shit out of anyone who calls you pathethic.


Oh of course, that sounds like a great idea!


----------



## JoetheBull

Lightleggy said:


> isnt dating the step before getting in a relationshp?


According to most books I read yes it is.



MikeAngell said:


> Where I'm from it's about getting drunk and accidently end up in bed with someone. It's very romantic.


If getting drunk is part of the equation then I have and will forever have failed. I don't like drinking and when ever I do drink I never leave the house:laughing:. 



mrscientist said:


> Didn't read the whole thing, but:
> Use the martial arts to beat the shit out of anyone who calls you pathethic.


Just because I have taken martial arts and studied a lot about doesn't really make me Bruce Lee. I am some what afraid of my possible lack of abilities and the possibility of killing someone with experimental attack. I am usually quite good at avoiding fights and talking down my opponent/s. 

10 bucks some one is going to claim this post is me complaining:laughing:


----------



## SlowPoke68

I has only been when I've given up on "trying to have a girlfriend" that relationships have started for me. 

In the dry spells I learned to stayed active, go to the gym, meet up with friends, continue to work on myself and my interests. I just stopped telling myself I "needed" a woman in my life at that time, even though I had spent months or even years wishing one would come along. Then suddenly, something happened. I would get phone calls from girls I knew from years before--just out of the blue.

Somehow they know--through the ethers, maybe--that you're needy. They can sense desperation. It's mystical. 

However: Be careful what you wish for. Having a relationship is generally a pain in the ass. It's wonderful and soul-stretching an all that, but it's probably not going to make you happy in the near term. You have to be happy going into it.


----------



## JoetheBull

SlowPoke68 said:


> I has only been when I've given up on "trying to have a girlfriend" that relationships have started for me.
> 
> In the dry spells I learned to stayed active, go to the gym, meet up with friends, continue to work on myself and my interests. I just stopped telling myself I "needed" a woman in my life at that time, even though I had spent months or even years wishing one would come along. Then suddenly, something happened. I would get phone calls from girls I knew from years before--just out of the blue.
> 
> Somehow they know--through the ethers, maybe--that you're needy. They can sense desperation. It's mystical.
> 
> However: Be careful what you wish for. Having a relationship is generally a pain in the ass. It's wonderful and soul-stretching an all that, but it's probably not going to make you happy in the near term. You have to be happy going into it.


Common misinterpretation most people seem to have with me. I am not looking to make myself so how magically more happier then I already am. Sometimes not even sure if that is possible since I have no means of measurement happiness. Sunshine units would be a good name for the unit of measurement but as George Carlin has mention that is used for other means of measurement. I think something to do with Nuclear stuff. Can't remember not important at the moment. I look more so for companionship. Would also like to have children but that might be a long ways to go at the moment regardless of what might happen relationship wise. A lot of times I am sometime skeptical of whether or not it is all out of my curiosity. My own is a bit hard to figure out most of the time:laughing:. I am somewhat happy with my life except many things I regret and kind of annoyed at myself. But not miserable. except at work:laughing:


----------



## spikyface

Yup

You don't need anyone else to feel loved

You ARE love, it's there deep inside you, still and quiet, buried underneath a chattering cacophony of thoughts constantly trying to be anywhere except here

Realise this and the need evaporates

It becomes something like wanting another piece of cake when you already own a cakeshop

It's still fun to have that closeness, but if she decides to wander off, it's all good. You'll still be content

You'll seem more attractive too

In order for you to truly love someone else, you have to learn to love your self, as you are, right now

How you go about learning this is up to you

Insight comes in strange disguises


----------



## mrscientist

> In order for you to truly love someone else, you have to learn to love your self, as you are, right now


This made sense, your only obstacle is you. Rest of the post needs to be de-hippie-tized


----------



## spikyface

mrscientist said:


> This made sense, your only obstacle is you. Rest of the post needs to be de-hippie-tized


Ya throw a bunch of stuff out there in the hope that some of it gets through

Looks like some of it did, so it served its purpose


----------



## HandiAce

All I can say is just continue putting yourself out there. 

Also, practicing a musical instrument is best done in front of other people like at open mic nights. :wink:


----------



## SyndiCat

Elysia said:


> Isn't that called the one night stand? :crazy:


 Where I live it's called third date.



JoetheBull said:


> If getting drunk is part of the equation then I have and will forever have failed. I don't like drinking and when ever I do drink I never leave the house:laughing:.


Nah buddy, I'm just poking fun of my own culture (alcohol and sex). I don't drink either.


----------



## JoetheBull

HandiAce said:


> Also, practicing a musical instrument is best done in front of other people like at open mic nights. :wink:


I'll save that suggestion for when I get actual lessons instead of being self taught. Plus people have scolded me for playing Ode to joy on guitar. Apparently I have a lousy taste in music I try to learn to play:laughing:


----------



## EvanR

you should probably stop trying, hookers are way more fun.


----------



## Windswept Sky

Go ahead and stop looking, and learn to live your life happily single.

Then, you will probably find someone who is perfect for you. :happy:

It sounds paradoxical but I've seen it work :crazy:

Also, don't feel down on yourself just because romance hasn't worked out for you thus far. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it only means that they were not right for you.


----------



## JoetheBull

EvanR said:


> you should probably stop trying, hookers are way more fun.


No they are not.


----------



## HandiAce

JoetheBull said:


> No they are not.


He was likely joking. Because otherwise, you'd be on it :wink:

It is my understanding, Joe, that you did not make this thread exactly because you are lonely and desperate, but more for considering the worth of starting relationships.

There was an instance during my last summer job where I had to move some catering for an older couple. The likely husband spoke pretty monotonously when I went to help him. I suppose he was just as lost as I was because I was doing something I don't usually do at work. His wife standing behind him, though had this constant frown on her pudgy face and that was what I remembered in particular. I didn't like serving them.

My point?

Well at that time, I started thinking about futures with potential mates. Then thought of a harsh reality kicking in; If I stay a meek, unsure, lethargic and unfocused man due to lack of fire within, my mate is going to have that same kind of frown that women had. My mate can't have that if our relationship is to make our lives happier. 

So whatever you do, find a way to keep your chin up. It is very difficult now that you are on your own with your own unstructured time (unlike college and more so, high school). If there is anything making you unhappy, what is it? You're a Ti nugget, you can find the root of the cause of any unhappiness you have. 

I discovered that depression I've had in the past was a comorbidity of my own attention deficit.

So should you stop looking for a mate? Yes. However, that does not mean you avoid potential friendships and sparks of interest in other women. I say stop looking because you should be looking for other things that drive you.


----------



## Zic

MikeAngell said:


> Where I live it's called third date.
> 
> 
> Nah buddy, I'm just poking fun of my own culture (alcohol and sex). I don't drink either.


Fuck this shit, I'm moving to Norway!


----------



## JoetheBull

Thank you all for all your advice. I guess I'll stop trying. Not really sure if that will work since I have not really tried for the past 6 or 7 years. At this point I am actually too scared to even start dating. Heavily doubt any girl wants to deal with an idiot that doesn't even know what he is doing anyway. Only problem is I can't figure out how to stop myself from not giving up. Not easy to abandon hope i guess. If Buddhist monks figured out how to I guess I can too:laughing:.


----------



## The Great One

JoetheBull said:


> This question pops in my mind often since I have a hard time with dating, relationship, and trying to figure how they work and why I have the need for a relationship so much. I have had no success on online dating sites and eharmony rejected me lol. The only way to get on that website is to lie on the personality test. I hate the bar scene and clubs. Only real places for me to meet girls is school and conventions. I am not that bad looking of a guy. Not dead handsome and not plain beaten with an ugly either. I am not very big on drinking and I have been told by some that I am boring and pathetic. Part of thinks there is still hope in solving this problem no matter how difficult it is. But I am curious on what some of you think. Should I keep pondering or just get use to being single and alone? And thank you for listening to my rant of insanity and for your opinions:crazy:.


Yeah, relationships are at the bottom of my list of importance. However, I can relate a lot to this. I just try to meet girls at festivals, bookstores, and what not. I don't really look for lovers anyway, just people to date casually with no strings attached. I HATE COMMITMENT!


----------



## JoetheBull

The Great One said:


> I HATE COMMITMENT!


good for you. I guess:mellow: :mellow:


----------



## Seventree

Change your attitude. Learn to trust you and you. When you can create your self belief and confidence, your relationship with others changes, instead of having a relationship of lack whereby you give up and repel you start to have a relationship of want, where your intentions and energies express in a positive direction. In doing so your assertions change and you send out positive intentions.


----------



## JoetheBull

Seventree said:


> Change your attitude. Learn to trust you and you. When you can create your self belief and confidence, your relationship with others changes, instead of having a relationship of lack whereby you give up and repel you start to have a relationship of want, where your intentions and energies express in a positive direction. In doing so your assertions change and you send out positive intentions.


Always have a hard understanding what someone means by changing my attitude. weird I know:laughing: must be because of a brain malfunction. Not easy to fix. I do trust myself a little but hard to trust completely after long list of stupid things I have done and mistakes I made. My self confidence has improved greatly compared to what it was some time ago. The ideal kind of confidence (which is totally unrealistic) would take me about 30 more years to achieve. Most likely to be dead before that:laughing:. Not sure what you mean by self belief though. and also not sure about what you mean by assertions. Despite what people believe I am not completely depressed. True lately it has been triggered lately more often due to my job, involuntary celibacy, and thoughts of death and how short life is when trying to go to sleep. That last one comes out of no where and has haunted my thoughts since I was a child. Kind of ranted off topic a bit:laughing:. I appreciate the advice. thank you


----------



## wafflecake

Honestly, you're not missing much.
I myself was going through the same thing as you a year ago. I then jumped into a relationship that I somewhat regret.

I will say this to you, emphatically: BE YOURSELF. I can't stress that enough. Eventually someone will find you. Just keep your chin up. And don't try any of these phony dating advice "techniques". 

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau


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## Rube

wafflecake said:


> Honestly, you're not missing much.
> I myself was going through the same thing as you a year ago. I then jumped into a relationship that I somewhat regret.
> 
> I will say this to you, emphatically: BE YOURSELF. I can't stress that enough. Eventually someone will find you. Just keep your chin up. And don't try any of these phony dating advice "techniques".
> 
> "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau


Best advice I've heard in a long time; thank you.


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## OmarFW

How to get girls to be attracted to you 101:

step 1: find out what your dominant trait or ability is

step 2: evaluate whether or not you are portraying it confidently

step 3: stop trying to be something you're not. you do not want your relationship to be based around a farce.

step 4: analyze your "ideal girl" template and evaluate just how much you are actually attracted to that kind of girl and why. you could be chasing after the wrong kind of girl while ignoring the right kind in the process.

step 5: accept that some girls will not be attracted to you. rejection is a part of life and not a big deal. deal with it and move on. this does not mean all girls won't be attracted to you though.


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## JoetheBull

wafflecake said:


> Honestly, you're not missing much.
> I myself was going through the same thing as you a year ago. I then jumped into a relationship that I somewhat regret.
> 
> I will say this to you, emphatically: BE YOURSELF. I can't stress that enough. Eventually someone will find you. Just keep your chin up. And don't try any of these phony dating advice "techniques".
> 
> "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau


Actually jumping into a relationship that I would regret is one of those fears in the back of my mind:laughing:. But excellent quote at the end there.



JoetheBull said:


> Thank you all for all your advice. I guess I'll stop trying. Not really sure if that will work since I have not really tried for the past 6 or 7 years. At this point I am actually too scared to even start dating. Heavily doubt any girl wants to deal with an idiot that doesn't even know what he is doing anyway. Only problem is I can't figure out how to stop myself from not giving up. Not easy to abandon hope i guess. If Buddhist monks figured out how to I guess I can too:laughing:.


I think we are all aware that sometimes I will say stupid and incomplete random/useless things like this when depressed or having a bad day:laughing:. The day after I read this post, I had a face to palm moment for a while. This post alone shows why I have a hard time believing that I am competent at anything. Not trying to be negative. I believe that self esteem needs be earned threw work. And like usual I am a bit of a slacker at time:laughing:.



OmarFW said:


> How to get girls to be attracted to you 101:
> 
> step 1: find out what your dominant trait or ability is
> 
> step 2: evaluate whether or not you are portraying it confidently
> 
> step 3: stop trying to be something you're not. you do not want your relationship to be based around a farce.
> 
> step 4: analyze your "ideal girl" template and evaluate just how much you are actually attracted to that kind of girl and why. you could be chasing after the wrong kind of girl while ignoring the right kind in the process.
> 
> step 5: accept that some girls will not be attracted to you. rejection is a part of life and not a big deal. deal with it and move on. this does not mean all girls won't be attracted to you though.


Wish my friend would listen to step 3. he always try to convince me to do the opposite. Very useful advice. Having a little trouble with step one but working on it.


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## JoetheBull

I have decided to focus on other things instead of dating and finding a girlfriend. Going to go back to the old method of wait and see. Sure it has failed for the past 10 years but that could be because of other factors.

admin feel free to close this thread


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## Linnifae

Why did EHarmony reject you?


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## JoetheBull

Linnifae said:


> Why did EHarmony reject you?


they said they can't match me with anyone. Basically I am defective :laughing:


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## Linnifae

JoetheBull said:


> they said they can't match me with anyone. Basically I am defective :laughing:


I've heard things about that site though...basically they have all kinds of biases. Maybe you should try another site. No one is defective. Some people are just unique and need to find someone good enough to appreciate and deal with that. That sounds really a really lame pep talk, doesn't it? It's not meant to. I just don't know how to word it any better. lol


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## JoetheBull

Linnifae said:


> I've heard things about that site though...basically they have all kinds of biases. Maybe you should try another site. No one is defective. Some people are just unique and need to find someone good enough to appreciate and deal with that. That sounds really a really lame pep talk, doesn't it? It's not meant to. I just don't know how to word it any better. lol


I have tried and currently trying various dating sites. Not much luck in them at the moment. Actually getting help with that so hopefully maybe able to turn it around. Thanks for the pep talk. I wouldn't say it was lame but it was short and accurate. roud:


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## The Great One

JoetheBull said:


> I have tried and currently trying various dating sites. Not much luck in them at the moment. Actually getting help with that so hopefully maybe able to turn it around. Thanks for the pep talk. I wouldn't say it was lame but it was short and accurate. roud:


It's hard to find a good woman. What are you trying to settle down or something?


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## Wien1938

Don't worry about EHarmony. That site's got a reputation for failure!


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