# Advice



## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

Post your problems. We can all share our advice.

When posting please place *in brackets* the category of advice required:

1. The topic number in order of topics posted. (i.e. Topic 1 = #1)

2. The theme of the topic (e.g. Psychological = Psych, Emotional = Emot., Philosophical = Sophos, Spiritual = Ethereal, Ethical = Ethos, Religious = Theos.)

3. Keep the discussion on topic

ENSURE EACH TOPIC YOU RESPOND TO HAS ITS NUMBER AND THEME ATTACHED (INCLUDING THEME OF RESPONSE)

IF MAKING COMMENTS OR SUGGESTIONS WHICH ARE NOT ADVISORY - USE THE PREFIX : #Ad Sug#


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## BeHope (Nov 4, 2008)

Might I suggest that a person can tag a topic with a different marker if they want to discus a different aspect of it. this way those that would rather talk about a topic in a psych aspect of a topic that someone asked about in a Sophos context may do so?

or to state it another way one person may want a sophos advice and another person sees the topic and thinks "I need some ethos advice".


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

BeHope said:


> Might I suggest that a person can tag a topic with a different marker if they want to discus a different aspect of it. this way those that would rather talk about a topic in a psych aspect of a topic that someone asked about in a Sophos context may do so?
> 
> or to state it another way one person may want a sophos advice and another person sees the topic and thinks "I need some ethos advice".


The topic is the problem that needs solving.. Certainly if you wish to give advice using a different format, do indeed tag the advice under the theme of your counsel. Whilst there is no pre-requisite to classify the topic under a single topic, should a person be looking for advice under a specific theme, they should state EL (Elaboration Limited) at the end of their theme choices..

I would also request that in making suggestions or superfluous comments, please add the title of: #Ad Sug#


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

#1- social

My 31-year-old ESTP(?) neighbor calls me a "dick tease," even though I told him from the very start that I had no intention of having sex with him no matter how drunk we were. I think he expected to be able to change my mind with enough alcohol, and when it didn't work, he got frustrated, pushing me to drink more. I don't like drinking to the point of drunkenness, but even if I were to do so, I could be on the verge of passing out and it still wouldn't make me relax to the point where I would do something I consider inauthentic, like having sex with someone I'm not in love with. I explained to him that I have issues with being touched, but he still insisted on trying to fondle me. I said "no" clearly whenever he tried to violate my boundaries, but he continued trying to push the limits, trying to get away with as much as he could. When I started to panic, he said "relax!" in a stern, controlling voice, as if he were annoyed. I don't have anyone else nearby to hang out with, and I find this person fun to be around when we are both sober. How should I deal with the situation? Sometimes he is already drunk when he comes over, so hiding the alcohol isn't an option. When he does start to touch me, it doesn't help that my body is naturally responsive, giving the false impression that I lam enjoying it when, in fact, I am repulsed by the very idea of it. I can't seem to not become sexually aroused, but it is purely physical and therefore meaningless. I find this person disgusting. I don't want to be rude to him, especially since I sometimes babysit his children, but I am also terrified of being taken advantage of if I allow this to continue. How can I teach him to keep his hands to himself without coming across as insensitive? I don't want him to feel _personally_ rejected, because he is already lonely enough without being insulted that way. I just hate how pushy he is being, repeatedly attempting to coerce me to do things that make me uncomfortable when I have already told him I don't like getting drunk or being touched.


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

Response to topic one (Legal)

That is sexual harassment. I would strongly consider this situation from a legal perspective if it has been persistent.


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## BeHope (Nov 4, 2008)

snail said:


> #1- social
> 
> My 31-year-old ESTP(?) neighbor calls me a "dick tease," even though I told him from the very start that I had no intention of having sex with him no matter how drunk we were. I think he expected to be able to change my mind with enough alcohol, and when it didn't work, he got frustrated, pushing me to drink more. I don't like drinking to the point of drunkenness, but even if I were to do so, I could be on the verge of passing out and it still wouldn't make me relax to the point where I would do something I consider inauthentic, like having sex with someone I'm not in love with. I explained to him that I have issues with being touched, but he still insisted on trying to fondle me. I said "no" clearly whenever he tried to violate my boundaries, but he continued trying to push the limits, trying to get away with as much as he could. When I started to panic, he said "relax!" in a stern, controlling voice, as if he were annoyed. I don't have anyone else nearby to hang out with, and I find this person fun to be around when we are both sober. How should I deal with the situation? Sometimes he is already drunk when he comes over, so hiding the alcohol isn't an option. When he does start to touch me, it doesn't help that my body is naturally responsive, giving the false impression that I lam enjoying it when, in fact, I am repulsed by the very idea of it. I can't seem to not become sexually aroused, but it is purely physical and therefore meaningless. I find this person disgusting. I don't want to be rude to him, especially since I sometimes babysit his children, but I am also terrified of being taken advantage of if I allow this to continue. How can I teach him to keep his hands to himself without coming across as insensitive? I don't want him to feel _personally_ rejected, because he is already lonely enough without being insulted that way. I just hate how pushy he is being, repeatedly attempting to coerce me to do things that make me uncomfortable when I have already told him I don't like getting drunk or being touched.


#1- social

Social contract

A sign I had on the door for a while.

"My house has rules. Call them house rules. Do not speak ill of my ex here. I want you to get in the habit of censoring yourself in this way in case my daughter is around. Do not insult another of my guests, if you want to be seen as a jerk by me, in your estimation of my friends, wait until they are gone so as to spare their feelings. this doesn't mean we can't tease each other or enjoy some slight joshing. Do not harass my female guests. You will be shown the door. If you're lucky the door will be open before we get there. *If you do not agree to my rules do not come in. If you agree to my rules and violate them anyway I will not invite you back.*"


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

#Ad Sug#



BeHope said:


> Do not harass my female guests. You will be shown the door. If you're lucky the door will be open before we get there. [/B]"


This is not only a brilliant idea, but wholly valid. Perhaps such a statement would assist you snail?


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Yes, I totally plan to do that. It will make it much easier to enforce the rules if there is an agreement before he even enters. Then, violation of those rules will have automatic consequences rather than being judged in a seemingly arbitrary way.


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## BeHope (Nov 4, 2008)

Lance said:


> Can't we just make separate threads for these? I don't see the point in stuffing it all in one thread. It would highly inefficient.


We're trying to keep the forum a little bit tidy.

I also encourages community rather than separation.


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

#Ad Sug# 

Lance, this approach is efficient with use of the ordering references in other words. For suggestions and comments use #Ad Sug# and basis to topic is reference in each post.

Inefficient would be having numerous similar or relative threads consuming excessive space in the forum. Also, with the search engine, a specific topic would come up easily - the person could refer to this thread, and inspect the relative information, add suggestions and possibly find advice for themselves. That is efficiency. roud:


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

#Add Sug#
I like this idea.


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

snail said:


> I like this idea.


#Ad Sug
Snail, please edit and add #Ad Sug prefix.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

#Add Sug#

Sorry. I like this idea, but I'm just now getting used to the rules of it.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

#add sug#
If any of the topics end up getting more responses than the others, isn't it possible to break them off into separate threads to set them apart after the fact?


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## BeHope (Nov 4, 2008)

Topic #2 Smoking.

I want to quit. I've found myself breaking my no smoking indoors rule. and that is a problem for me. I have been smoking more often as I haven't been going outside into the cold. Going outside to smoke only for the purpose of smoking has usually kept me at about half a pack a day. As I am not planning on any activities that will bring me in close contact with security lasers I need to and am up to about A pack and a half a day.

Advice.

No theos please.


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## Surreal Breakfast (Oct 24, 2008)

I am confused with the rules

#2- Psych

I would suggest medatation, I think it might help with the stress factors that come with smoking withdrawls


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

#2 - Psych

I am not joking here, but do not take this so seriously.. Confess.. Get nicotine lozenges, and sweat out the rest. 

(Theos - WWJD) :tongue:


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

#2 - Psych

I recommend removing yourself from as many of the major stressors in your life as possible. I quit smoking cold turkey without even having to make a conscious effort when I got out of a stressful situation. If that sounds too abrupt for you, I recommend taking a soda straw, cutting it to the length of a cigarette, and stuffing it with just enough of a folded paper towel to make it have the same resistance as a cigarette filter when you suck on it. Then, you can use that for breathing control and gain part of the relaxing psychological effect of the cigarette without endangering your health. Do this until you are over the chemical part of the addiction, then you can work on weaning yourself off of having to suck on the stuffed straw by buying a musical instrument that involves using your mouth.


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