# How many of you NF men have more female friends than male friends and why?



## Razvan

Companion Cubeless said:


> Hmmm, always had trouble getting along with women, in real life. Never could look them in the eyes so I end up staring at their chest(that doesnt inhibit any sort of good conversation) where as with males its some what acceptable to stare blindly into their torso. As far as internet communities though, I do find myself talking to alot more women if you take into account the gender proportions of those groups.


Yeah, I could never do that too, I feel like if I look them in the eyes, they'll get into my soul and I don't want people to do that. I look them in the eye when they talk to me or when I talk, than look away. Only with people I feel comfortable with I can do that and usually this means people I have a strong connection with. Because when I look someone in the eye, I start annalysing them, I start imagining what their life is like, their emotions, their fears, their darkest thoughts, I start imagining a lot of things, like if they like me or not, if I like them and what is the level of my emotions towards them, if I like them I can go even more into this and it can be overwhelming. 

I don't focus on their chest though, because I know they will think I am starring at their boobs and I know women don't like that, if I'd want to do that, I'd make sure I do it when they are not looking. :tongue: So I either look away,or look over their heads (since I'm tall that's kind of easy). Or just stare blank at something on the table or into the distance with my mind in a different place.


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## Companion Cubeless

Razvan said:


> I don't focus on their chest though, because I know they will think I am starring at their boobs and I know women don't like that, if I'd want to do that, I'd make sure I do it when they are not looking. :tongue: So I either look away,or look over their heads (since I'm tall that's kind of easy). Or just stare blank at something on the table or into the distance with my mind in a different place.


I get confused sometimes with the trade off's between making "normal eye contact" and the weird silences that follow(i think im doing it wrong), and the distancing power of looking away and trying to hold a conversation.

hmmm, when i compose my thoughts on this matter, i may start a thread...


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## angularvelocity

The Great One said:


> I have more female than male friends. I don't typically like to be around a lot of dudes. It always turns into this classic male dominance issue in large group of guys, and then they always make me feel like a pussy, or like I am some type of bitch for being a caring person. Is this just me? How is it for the rest of you NF men?


Yeah, I totally agree. I don't enjoy doing the male dominance thing in groups of guys because I'm competitive. And I don't enjoy belittling someone, putting someone down, or constanting having to "argue/debate" a thought that I know is right but someone just won't accept being wrong. Girls are so much easier. I get to listen to gossip(not contribute) and just be more relaxed.


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## LibertyPrime

avalanche183 said:


> Yeah, I totally agree. I don't enjoy doing the male dominance thing in groups of guys because I'm competitive. And I don't enjoy belittling someone, putting someone down, or constanting having to "argue/debate" a thought that I know is right but someone just won't accept being wrong. Girls are so much easier. I get to listen to gossip(not contribute) and just be more relaxed.


 exactly. I also understand on an emotional level what goes on in the group and the male dominance thing just makes me want to facepalm myself most of the time ^^ it is kinda funny to watch. Somehow I'm more comfortable with girls and most of my friends are girls. Not that I have a lot of friends. It sometimes is hard for me just to listen and the awkward silent parts in the conversation get to me lol..I just want to fill them in and talk. I could be an E but because of my mild sociophobia I can't really tell.

It wasn't always like this. My sociophobia was really bad around 16 to 21, but falling in love and finding a girlfriend somehow changed me. I'm comfortable with most girls, they are more mature, more in touch with what they feel and some of the more interesting people I have met so far have been girls.


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## 54-46 ThatsMyNumber

Women are alot easier to talk to/ be around, The majority of men I meet or am friends with are so concerend with coming off as manly, They would never allow themselves to actually be the person they where ment to be, or allow such qualites as sweet, kind, loving, understanding, or tolerence come through. They are all scared little boy's who have no idea how to just be themselves, so they remain a slave to society's image of what a man should be. Women for the most part seem to be kind, gentle, loving accepting human beings, and they will talk in depth about real things, stuff that really matters.


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## Absent Minded Professor

The problem with males acting dominant I hear you guys sharing about (that makes you feel uncomfortable interacting with them) can be handled in your head. The males who act like tough guys for no reason are doing simply that...acting. I never unjustly disrespect other people for any reason and I don't associate with people who do even if they are just joking around. It is not a question of manliness. It is a matter of respect and maturity. I don't talk about football to act manly. I talk about football because I like football. I also like history, art, psychology, a clean living environment, camping, cooking, reading...so what?

I have opposite fears. I have women friends so I guess my issue isn't with women in general. It's the woman that I want to have sex with, have a relationship with, or in any other way want to be more than her friend. I can come off awkward, insecure, inappropriate, nervous, self-conscious, etc., etc. Women don't like these traits very much. Women are sexy, beautiful creatures that have a style and a power unlike males. I like sports but my desire to be with women is much more serious, intense, and overwhelming. I don't care if some guy says some crude comment. When a beautiful woman says the same crude comment, in a certain way, it can break my heart.

At some point, I need to get over some of my irrational fears, some of my counter productive thoughts, and work on changing my behaviors, my attitudes, my beliefs. If I don't, I'll never have more than the occasional one night stand or in an unhealthy relationship with the wrong type of girl. 

In the same way I need to change myself with respect to dating, some of you guys need to change yourselves with respect to making male friends. If you don't value having male friends, I guess the point is moot. But if you do, you need to look at yourself.


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## JackK597

Absent Minded Professor said:


> I have opposite fears. I have women friends so I guess my issue isn't with women in general. It's the woman that I want to have sex with, have a relationship with, or in any other way want to be more than her friend. I can come off awkward, insecure, inappropriate, nervous, self-conscious, etc., etc. Women don't like these traits very much. Women are sexy, beautiful creatures that have a style and a power unlike males. I like sports but my desire to be with women is much more serious, intense, and overwhelming. I don't care if some guy says some crude comment. When a beautiful woman says the same crude comment, in a certain way, it can break my heart.


Dude, I have the same problem! Causes a lot of self-loathing, and a fear of dating.


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## napoleon227

Yes, definitely. I have always had a lot more female friends. I have male friends too, but unless i'm drunk or we're rebuilding an engine or framing a building, quite frankly, they bore me. Then again, I do tend to have better conversations with males who are NFs as well, but not always. I think the reason is that guys don't think it's "cool" to talk about how they feel or interrelate with others so they have to joke about it. A lot of guys think that being a big clown or an idiot is the best response to those topics.

On the other hand, when we're quaffing back beers, I prefer the clowns and idiots, LOL! Much more fun than the geeks.


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## uniqueh

Naah if I spend too much time with girls I go crazy xD I prefer "feeling-men"


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## LibertyPrime

Absent Minded Professor said:


> The problem with males acting dominant I hear you guys sharing about (that makes you feel uncomfortable interacting with them) can be handled in your head. The males who act like tough guys for no reason are doing simply that...acting. I never unjustly disrespect other people for any reason and I don't associate with people who do even if they are just joking around. It is not a question of manliness. It is a matter of respect and maturity. I don't talk about football to act manly. I talk about football because I like football. I also like history, art, psychology, a clean living environment, camping, cooking, reading...so what?
> 
> I have opposite fears. I have women friends so I guess my issue isn't with women in general. It's the woman that I want to have sex with, have a relationship with, or in any other way want to be more than her friend. I can come off awkward, insecure, inappropriate, nervous, self-conscious, etc., etc. Women don't like these traits very much. Women are sexy, beautiful creatures that have a style and a power unlike males. I like sports but my desire to be with women is much more serious, intense, and overwhelming. I don't care if some guy says some crude comment. When a beautiful woman says the same crude comment, in a certain way, it can break my heart.
> 
> At some point, I need to get over some of my irrational fears, some of my counter productive thoughts, and work on changing my behaviors, my attitudes, my beliefs. If I don't, I'll never have more than the occasional one night stand or in an unhealthy relationship with the wrong type of girl.
> 
> In the same way I need to change myself with respect to dating, some of you guys need to change yourselves with respect to making male friends. If you don't value having male friends, I guess the point is moot. But if you do, you need to look at yourself.


I don't think we have problem making male friends. For me it is mostly that I don't watch sports :\..so when they start talking about that kind of stuff I'm quiet about it hahha. But I do have a bunch of Warcraft buddies, people I play games with, one of my friends and I are learning to play the guitar together. o.o hmm I guess it is normal for me both ways but with girls it is a bit different then with guys,  I can hug girls and be more friendly. With guys its competition, who has the most BG kills, who playes the guitar better etc, thou *its all good fun until some idiot starts to wave his dick around when a girl shows up.* <---this is my problem lol.


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## Vaan

I'm pretty half half strangely, i have lots of male and female friends, generally even between them, the fun brashness and quick pace of the guys and the slightly more contemplative base and fun-ness of the females, generally im quite a humorous person, who adapts well to most social groups so im quite often a central member of a group, even when i dont want to be :S


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## Soupwizard

I'm an INFP girl, and although my closest friend is a girl, probably the majority of my other friends/ people I talk to are guys. I think with other girls I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid and they'll take it the wrong way and get upset. With guys, I don't really have that fear because they tend to not get offended as easily. I just think that guys in a way are easier to talk to. Plus, they usually appreciate my sick, twisted humor more, and I appreciate theirs. :laughing:


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## Geoffrey

The Great One said:


> I have more female than male friends. I don't typically like to be around a lot of dudes. It always turns into this classic male dominance issue in large group of guys, and then they always make me feel like a pussy, or like I am some type of bitch for being a caring person. Is this just me? How is it for the rest of you NF men?


-----It's varied over time, but it's fair to say that I generally connect with women much more easily than men. Probably, that's just because even non-NF women seem to have a much higher propensity and likelihood to talk about things of depth and feeling than men of the equivalent type. From a social standpoint, gender roles play a big part in this, of course. Personally, I have been much less reserved about expressing feeling, and so my true nature, around women (they get the benefit of the doubt). With men, I choose to observe the behavior first, and if I don't see a propensity for feeling (most of the time, I not only don't observe that but instead observe lack of empathy and a desire for ascendancy), I am not interested in speaking to them at all--or even knowing them. I'm quite familiar with how most men view feeling men, so I spare myself the toxicity. NF men get the benefit of the doubt, but some of them do lose that benefit quickly. I tend to instantly connect with NF women (not always), and I cannot recall any real-life interaction that has given me the slightest pause to develop any hesitancy to continue putting my thoughts and feelings out there for them or for reciprocating the same. 
-----I think for most of elementary school I thought everyone was my friend, even if they were mean to me. I remember sometimes taking a piece of paper, drawing a line down the middle, and labeling one side "friends" and the other "not friends." It didn't occur to me there maybe should have been a category for "enemies." But what I was really doing was trying to figure out the difference between friends and not friends, since making friends came naturally but making enemies did not. It is not in my nature to be purposefully cruel, and I still have to think about the motivations for cruelty on an intellectual level. Whereas with positive feelings, I get it. I feel negative feelings to be sure, but I own them as mine. I don't project negativity like so many guys, and probably people in general, do. During that time, I think the friends gender ratio was 50/50. But in looking back, I know that it was really my little sister who was my best friend. Though she probably wouldn't have agreed when G.I. Joe was conducting military operations in My Little Ponyland in order to supply its 1st Cavalry Division. LOL, I was a _boy _after all. I just didn't understand that for my sister combing pony hair _was _fun. 
-----Being introverted, I have never been the entourage of friends sort of person. I've typically had a small group of close friends who were _good _guys, though I've always had plenty of female acquaintances. But my life has had me leaping from state to state to state, so I've often had to leave behind friends (though I still keep in touch).
-----I've read that ENFPs and ENFJs are sometimes accused of being flirty when they don't mean to be because they freely touch other people, but they are usually expressing warmth, not sexual interest. I don't know about INFJs, but I think INFPs can come across as flirty,too, in real life. It's not because of touch, but it's because of our words. Though we may not open up easily (okay, so I've gotten over that), when we do, we are genuine, open, deep, and affirming. This can easily be misconstrued as flirtatiousness or sexual interest. Maybe it's just me (but I suspect there's a common thread here), but I usually have no idea of how I am being perceived or when I have stepped over some invisible social boundary between what is generally considered caring and what is generally construed as sexual interest. This, consequently, means we won't usually be aware when we are coming off as flirtatious or having sexual interest. One time I was told I shouldn't be such a good listener because women would misconstrue that as sexual interest. I thought "Huh?" While I don't buy into those kinds of things, the reality is that what women regard as appropriate contact or communication with each other is not the same as what they would regard as appropriate contact or communication with men. I'm sure that's also true vice-versa. 
-----After having recognized the significance of Myers-Briggs, I realized how I supposedly was coming off had a much less to do with my actions and much more to do with how other personality types perceive my actions. Ironically, trying to adjust your communication style just means you will end up in a group who will never really accept you, who doesn't understand you, and who won't appreciate the accommodation you've undertaken. So, now, I'm just myself. That way the community I end up in is one who values me for who I am.


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## IAmOrangeToday

Well I mix with girls and boys, and I often have to talk to mainly boys because I'm too akward to approach the girls...

I often keep the raw, maniacally strange but incredibly emotional me under wraps but there a few people whom I could tell anything and who have a much deeper understanding of me than anyone in my family. Of these 4 people, 3 are girls. That's pretty telling.

The best lunchtime I've had at school is when, after the boy table was full of boys, I sat with the girls. It was akward, and in retrospect I'm surprised at myself for being so bold, but it was a nice lunchtime. The girls are funnier, nicer and more intelligent at my school mostly. 

To be honest, with a few notable exceptions, I prefer the company of girls and I'm not ashamed of that. I know I'm not some sort of womaniser; I want to wait until marriage (unless she really doesn't... either way I want her to be the one) for heaven's sake.

I do think it's bad to universally apply gender preference. It's about the culture of your area, or your school, and your unique preferences. It's not that girls or boys are better people, just that I can be more of myself with girls or just a few boys than the lad crew.


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## Isthmus

napoleon227 said:


> Yes, definitely. I have always had a lot more female friends. I have male friends too, but unless i'm drunk or we're rebuilding an engine or framing a building, quite frankly, they bore me. Then again, I do tend to have better conversations with males who are NFs as well, but not always. I think the reason is that guys don't think it's "cool" to talk about how they feel or interrelate with others so they have to joke about it.


This. Guys are very good at keeping the distance. Sharing your feelings or any vaguely emotion-related outlooks on the world seems to be considered a slippery slope to homoeroticism. 

Though in some specific situations it seems to be okay to have physical contact. Sports typically. I find practicing a sport actually works quite well as a bonding mechanism.

But generally, male bonding seems to have a lot of very awkward rules to it. So I find that making female friends is a lot easier.


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## LQ9

I'm female, and a very large percentage of my friends are male... funny how that works out. With most other girls (there are a couple of exceptions) I feel like I have something to prove, and I can't just relax and be myself. I feel so much more comfortable around my guy friends.

They're all sweet sensitive types, though roud:


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## TheBackwardsLegsMan

I prefer the company of females. I just don't like how whenever I'm with mostly guys, it turns into a contest of masculinity. I feel like I have to act tough or cool to be accepted. Girls (at my school at least) don't seem to care as much. But I have mostly male friends because I'm a high school student in a mostly male grade.


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## Ntuitive

I used to feel like I had nothing in common with females. But when I got older I realized they are human beings too, and are more insightful than my other male friends.


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## Prolife

Some females are great at understanding.My best discussions are with females.


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## Agelaius

I'd say I have more male friends, but I tend to get along better with most females and pick up conversation much more easily.


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