# SJs and Gossip



## Queen Qualia

I have a question; would any of you say you are prone to gossip and your conversation with others often leads to discussion of people known in common?

I know a only handful of SJs, and it seems they often "assess" people, each in their different ways. I say "assess" because of how formal and routine, or even compulsive, it seems to them. ISTJ older relative will go over the current prospects of extended family, especially those who have drama going on, such as illness or embarrassment of some kind. ESFJ friend will drop all sorts of hints about people we know in common, and is frequently asking me uncomfortable questions about people we both know. ESTJ relative talks about his coworkers and relatives and how weird they are; nearly everyone eccentric to him. ISFJ relative seems the least gossipy of the four, but still has an element of this, often informing me of things about people that I would never have guessed or been told otherwise. She seems to respect people's privacy though. She's almost a reverse gossip: instead of telling everyone all the news, everyone seems to tell her all the news.

And above all, I am amazed at their ability to vividly recall all these things much, much later.



So, am I making a micro-observation, or am I on to a bit of something?


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## Almighty Malachi

I personally don't gossip to any notable extent. If this is type-related, I imagine Fe would play a much higher role than Si.


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## littledeer

FiguringItAllOutAsAlways said:


> And above all, I am amazed at their ability to vividly recall all these things much, much later.


I relate to this part. ISTJs can remember things they have observed about people forever. However, I have to say that my ESTP sister has an uncanny ability to remember things about people (especially the way they move, personal habits, etc.) even better than I do.

I don't relate to the gossip part. I don't enjoy gossip and I don't enjoy being around people who are gossiping. I think most ISTJs would agree. 

I guess I do "assess people." I enjoy people-watching for this reason. I'm not looking for gossip material when I'm doing it; just entertaining myself to pass the time.


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## Mammon

I sometimes enjoy listening to random pieces of info about people. I'm just a curious person. Whenever someone says 'Hey, you know what happend?' (to whomever) I must know what because oh boy now you got me curious. When shit gets negative about someone I know I usually kick into defence mode for that person.

Btw I had an ESFP friend who gossipped(and not always unbiased but also negative at times), so I bet type unrelated.


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## Das Brechen

I do "assess" people and their habits for later analysis but I can't co-sign on snitching and/or gossip. That's not cool, even among family. I may rant to a confidant but I hardly ever put somebody's personal business out there. I just detail the things I don't like which for me, is usually a laundry list.


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## Infermiera

I can relate to the ISFJ stuff. People seem to want to tell me stuff. I don't gossip but there are times that someone says something bad about a person and I know the hardships that that person is going through and that's why they seem incompetent, I say something to the person badmouthing the other person. I mostly just tell them to stop it and tell them the abridged version of the entire situation. It's highly effective.


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## warghh

I don't tend to contribute the the gossip itself, but I do listen to it. Although at my school, gossip is never about something really bad. It might be embarrassing but not serious enough to hurt someone.

I'm really interested in human behaviours so hearing what other people did gives me a new perspective to think about. 

And yes, I remember distinct details that I'm interested in.


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## Tucken

I don't gossip. But, the last thing you said rings true. If I listened then I remember - as it was or as it was to me.


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## RandomShadowPersonality

Personally, I'm not a fan of gossiping but I am very picky about the people I trust and choose to be close to. The stuff I say to people's faces is the same as the stuff I say when they're not around.


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## Saiph

I do not like to gossip because I do not want others to gossip about me. Have I been involved or have I talked bad about others? Yes. Did I feel guilty about doing it? Yes. Sometimes it is not gossiping because the person you are talking to might not know the person you are talking about. It is best to talk about people who bother you instead of keeping all the negative feelings inside. Overall, I try not to get into other people's personal business unless they want to tell me. And I try my best to keep everything a 1v1 conversation, although I give in easily if someone ask me about it if the information I personally feel is small enough that it would not hurt.


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## thevoyager

I think most people who are gossipers do so because of emotions; they want to make themselves feel good, make others feel bad, etc.

ISTJs, though, are very concerned with knowledge and facts and are naturally very curious, so when gossip presents itself, they (generalizing here) are very likely to listen to it. It's not that they're trying to be sneaky or spiteful; they just want to know more about people.

However, because they are the duty fulfillers, if they find that the gossip is objectively wrong or will turn out badly, they will abstain from it or try to diffuse it, because encouraging it would show a lack of responsibility concerning the well-fare of others (and also themselves).



warghh said:


> And yes, I remember distinct details that I'm interested in.


Key words: interested in. We usually tend to let stuff that doesn't matter to us, or that we don't find necessary, float in one ear and out the other. This is sometimes a good trait, but can also be bad when it comes to things like chemistry that, even though it's important, we just don't care all that much about. *cough*


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## earthtopaige

My ESFJ mother gossips practically all day long. She'll call up her friends, clients, and family members about her issues with other people. To be honest, it's one of the most annoying things I think a person can do. She definitely "assesses" people. My ISTJ father I would say will always assess people and observe others. He has a good memory of things about people, but I've never heard him gossip before. He doesn't seem interested in doing that. As for me, others gossip to me ALL the time. I have to admit, it gets annoying, but sometimes I actually like hearing the gossip, because I'm just really curious and want to know what's going on. I tend to be a bit of a gossiper however if something huge is going on and I'll want my friends to know about it, but in general I think gossiping is kinda rude.


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## Ilovepeople

Yeah, I have gossiped, probably WILL gossip, its just who I am, but I don't ever gossip about bad things, and I only tell things I hear that are interesting, like if a girl likes my friend, or this kid did xyz at school and got suspended, or there was a fight after school, to my close friends, I'm not the one to get a bullhorn and be like "omg, xyz and zyx did this and that and this person thinks this about this person!" someone said earlier that they didn't gossip because they didn't want others gossiping about themselves and this is a hope I have as well, because usually gossipers will include nasty mean stuff too.


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## intj0703

Which is why on the rare occasion when I do confide, it is almost always to an ENTJ.


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## Retsu

intj0703 said:


> Which is why on the rare occasion when I do confide, it is almost always to an ENTJ.


What do you do when there are no ENTJs?


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## intj0703

I am really lucky. One of my sisters is an ENTJ and we are really close. I can talk to her about just about anything. However, ENTJs are sometimes not super patient, so sometimes I have to save it up and pick a good time.


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## Retsu

intj0703 said:


> I am really lucky. One of my sisters is an ENTJ and we are really close. I can talk to her about just about anything. However, ENTJs are sometimes not super patient, so sometimes I have to save it up and pick a good time.


That's sweet, though a shame about the lack of patience, have you considered making a handwritten list so she can get to your queries in her own time?


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## intj0703

The INTJ in me is not sure if you are kidding. For the sake of argument, I'm going to take you seriously. There is no need to make a list. Usually I am direct. Sometimes it gets people more annoyed at me than if I had gossiped about them though.


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## Retsu

@_intj0703_ I'm being semi-facetious.  but that's fair enough. Well, I do believe that if the person is so idiotic that it causes harm to others they should be shouted at directly, so I do agree with being direct if they deserved it. Naturally it is the people who do not learn I deliver my wrath onto, so I am forced to tell them time and again exactly WHY I hate them so much. I've only done this to one person. I've confined my gossip to people that have wronged me and my friends time and again, so my harsh words are not undeserved.


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## Coburn

*Gossip *:
idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others

I tend to personally assess people when I'm bored. It's not really judgement so much as observation and educated guesses. For example, I was on a train in a rural part of Japan. A Western foreigner took a seat across from me. He had a sleeveless shirt that exposed both of his arms. His arms had full sleeved, full color tattoos.

When I saw him, I assumed he wore sleeveless for one of two reasons: either he didn't know that tattoos are still fairly culturally taboo to most Japanese (they're more accepting of foreigners with tattoos, but they'll still stare), or he did know and didn't care. 

Based on the fact that he had no luggage or backpack with him, seemed to be less interested in his "surroundings" as we traveled, and was rather lackadaisical for a tourist, I guessed it was safe to say he had been in Japan for awhile and was more in the "do know, don't care" camp. 

Is it gossip? I don't think so, since I didn't share my observations or thoughts with anyone (except now). Also, I don't think it really falls under gossip since it's not about a person's personal or private affairs (tattoos shown in public are not really private and or personal IMO). 


As to gossip in the strictest denotative sense, I'm not terribly inclined to it, although I won't stop other friends from gossiping unless it starts to enter major judgmental territory. I tend to listen more than talk because 1) I sometimes find it interesting and 2) I don't know enough people or interact with enough people on a regular basis to gossip about anyone. I have a very limited social circle. 

For the most part, I find gossip boring and a waste of brain. It's a reason why I stopped reading most news outlets, particularly ones that focus on Hollywood drama.


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## niss

Just to talk about people to just be talking about them? Nah, I'll pass. (Did you hear about so and so?) I don't read the tabloids; I don't know who is having who's baby; I usually have to have someone explain to me what's happening. It wasn't until recently that I learned that Pitbull is a singer. Who'da thunk it?

However, if you are causing me grief and cramping my style, you bet I'll be talking about you - that's how I process the pain you've caused.


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## jcal

Hell No!!! Don't know... Don't wanna know... Don't give a crap. 

Now... my ESFJ wife and/or INFJ daughter are a completely different story:

This past weekend I learned from my son that one of his high school buddies was getting married (for second time) next weekend. He only told me that to explain why he wasn't going to the football game with me next weekend. 

When I asked my daughter if she or her BF wanted to go to the game with me because her brother wasn't going, she asked me why he wasn't going. I told her, "because Jeremy is getting married next weekend". 

O... M... G...!!! She RAN to her mother and they started yakking about it like crazy, "OMG... They only just met in February... What is he thinking?... He only JUST got divorced... Poor Sarah! (first wife)... yada yada yakkity yak yak yak", ... for almost an hour! 

They kept trying to drag me into it, looking for more information... which I didn't have because the entire extent of the conversation with my son was, "I can't go to the game because I'll be at Jeremy's wedding." That's all that was pertinent to either me or my son.


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## jamaix

I don't have even the slightest curiosity as to what is going on in the life of celebrities. Who they are dating, marrying or divorcing, etc. Nor do I care to discuss them. I almost never watch TV and only go to movies 3 or 4 times a year.
I really don't want to know everybody's business either, but I do sometimes want more information than my husband can give me.




jcal said:


> "I can't go to the game because I'll be at Jeremy's wedding." That's all that was pertinent to either me or my son.


Your comment reminded me of a recent conversation my husband and I had. He told me that someone we knew had their baby. Well, this prompted me to ask a series of questions. Boy or girl? How big? C-section or regular birth? name?

His response, I don't know, I didn't think about all those things. I just know they are doing fine. That was all he felt was pertinent.


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## Eckis

Sometimes I'm guilty of this... I think it is a combination of both Si and Fe (look at ESFJs, lol) but I think all types can be guilty of it. (though I've noticed it is particularly common in SJs; judging in general for the STJs and the talking about it part SFJs) I relate a lot to the "reverse gossip" ISFJ part, too. ESFJ friends love to tell me things they've heard. Not proud of it, but it is what it is.

It isn't always negative, I don't think. Sometimes I just pry for details about a certain event... even if it isn't rumors I'd guess it still constitutes gossiping.


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## XZ9

Has there even been social science proving gossiping is bad?
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/16/y...ssip-isnt-just-loose-talk.html?pagewanted=all
"So it makes sense to me that gossip can serve a purpose in keeping people in line and reinforcing some important societal norms. But I also think we need to be careful not to give ourselves too broad a license. After all, a little gossip goes a long way."


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## Devalight

Yes, prone to gossip. Not proud of it, but its a fact.


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## Epicyclic

Gossip is a useful way of collecting information. This is especially for us, since we don't 

However, it needs to be taken with a tablespoon of salt - it can be distorted. One must find the other side of the story or else you will be infected with the biased perspective. Easier said than done - fell victim to that a lot.


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## Elixir

I agree with the assessing and judging part, but I do tend to make myself consider their behaviour and so on.
I stopped gossiping (saying things that I wouldn't want others to know that I said that about them) a few months ago because it just doesn't do any good for me, nor does it help my conscience.
Not to mention that for every bad or good thing I say, things always turn out to be the complete opposite the next day.
I find it's always been like that for me, am I alone in this?


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## niss

Elixir said:


> I find it's always been like that for me, am I alone in this?


Not always, but frequently enough.


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## Shale

People gossip to me all the time, but I don't share the info. It's like it gets cataloged in the depths of my memory, and I will use it as ammo if ever needed (which is never.)


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## General Lee Awesome

I am the end of the line for all gossip.

I do like discuss people's actions with other people, and perhaps learn from them. but not in the form of gossip.


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## Dangerose

I don't know, where does it cross the line from "talking about people we know" to "gossip"?
I would say 85% of what my friends and I talk about is the people we know, separately or together. 
It's not smack talk, but more, "What's going on with him?" "Why is she like that?" "We had a conversation like this last week which is funny if you compare it to the conversation we had last month"...
Is that gossip? If so I guess I don't think gossip is that bad...I mean, you can hardly expect people to talk about the price of gas all day...


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