# What makes certain people attract bullies?



## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Well, I was just really wondering if there was some strange psychological phenomenon wherein certain people or types of individuals attract bullies more often then not. 

I myself have witnessed this, and have been on the brunt end of it for most of my life.

I seem to attract 'bullies' for lack of a better word. A most peculiar thing, many of them are oddly similar, to the point where I notice similar mannerisms and behavior. 

I'm reasonably attractive and intelligent; so I don't really understand where all the negative attention seems to come from. I am a little "soft" for a man, perhaps. I am pretty easy-going and laid-back, and I think it can come off as timidness and meekness. 

I have been told this before, but I don't think I'm particularly meek at all. I'm just...a typical introvert? I don't like loud screaming matches and avoid pointless conflict. Honestly though, sometimes I think I just attract them like flies on honey. 

it just bewilders me.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

You know, generally I am met and seen as strange oddity quite often it would seem. I am not really quite sure why.

Sometimes I am a little socially-awkward, or I just some dumb-ass awkward things in general. But the debasing put-downs are often a frequent part of my existence. I mean, it just seems like most people like to hoist themselves up as some kind of 'paradigm' for socially virtuous and scrupulous behavior, that we should all look to with amazement and awe at how graceful and good they are...

*sigh* 

I think this book is my only saving grace right now.









Excerpt:

" Many highly creative people, regardless of their ethnic background or sexual orientation, grew up feeling like outsiders, like they were different in some way from most of their schoolmates. They may have odd personal habits, or extreme styles of odd dress. Also, Creative Class of people are mobile and tend to move around to different parts of the country; they may not be "natives" of places where they live, even if they are American-born. When they are sizing up a new company and community, acceptable of diversity is a sign that reads "nonstandard people welcome here" 

But maybe not...


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I notice sometimes in social settings that know it alls attract a ton of flack. And they invite alot of hate. (Not saying that is you) Saying from my observations people who attract heat from others tend to on some level invite it (not everyone theres exceptions of course) generalizing here


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## screamofconscious (Oct 15, 2009)

Sometimes it only takes a sign of weakness. For the most part, I've seen the misfits targeted because they do not have strong allies. Their outsider status puts them on the bottom of the totem pole, socially and there by less relatable to those who might be persuaded to help them. 

Teens are exceptionally prone to social proof as a means of guidance in how to behave. This makes it difficult for them to accept misfits. And then there is the bystander effect. Kids see other kids watching the fight and join in to view the spectle. Very few will think to get an authority figure involved. Sometimes someone stronger will step in for the underdog but more often than not, people just want to see a fight.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

screamofconscious said:


> Sometimes it only takes a sign of weakness. For the most part, I've seen the misfits targeted because they do not have strong allies. Their outsider status puts them on the bottom of the totem pole, socially and there by less relatable to those who might be persuaded to help them.
> 
> Teens are exceptionally prone to social proof as a means of guidance in how to behave. This makes it difficult for them to accept misfits. And then there is the bystander effect. Kids see other kids watching the fight and join in to view the spectle. Very few will think to get an authority figure involved. Sometimes someone stronger will step in for the underdog but more often than not, people just want to see a fight.


I've thought often this is what is it, but it seems very unnatural to always try and seem "strong" to be on guard so much as you must always be carrying your self and adjusting your body language accordingly to fit such an image. It just feels so Genghis Khan Warriors from mars to me, or something. 

Anyway, I don't think it's just teenagers, though. I think that less favorable or liked emotional and social experiences are quite often immediately shuffled and put into the "teenagers" box.




SensationalCinnamon said:


> I notice sometimes in social settings that know it alls attract a ton of flack. And they invite alot of hate. (Not saying that is you) Saying from my observations people who attract heat from others tend to on some level invite it (not everyone theres exceptions of course) generalizing here


I don't think I am at all. I generally try not to make waves, but at the same time I am my own person, with my own individual beliefs as well; which was a point I was sort of trying to make.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

As someone who did bully others in my early, early years, I can definitively say the only thing my victims had in common was that they were, as a general rule of thumb, "softer" than me. 

By "softer" I mean they were generally more gentle and good natured. People that were more easily trusting, bright-eyed-bushy-tailed, etc.

HOWEVER

I will say that bullying (at least in my case and from what I largely observed) rarely had anything to do with the target. It was always more about the person doing the bullying than anyone else. Some people just became the focus and others didn't. 

At the end of the day, there's likely never anything wrong with the person being targeted. They just got dealt a shit hand in life.


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## screamofconscious (Oct 15, 2009)

MeteorShadow said:


> I've thought often this is what is it, but it seems very unnatural to always try and seem "strong" to be on guard so much as you must always be carrying your self and adjusting your body language accordingly to fit such an image. It just feels so Genghis Khan Warriors from mars to me, or something.
> 
> Anyway, I don't think it's just teenagers, though. I think that less favorable or liked emotional and social experiences are quite often immediately shuffled and put into the "teenagers" box.


No, I don't think it's just teenagers. I only pointed them out because we can pull so many egregious acts of violence from them in the news. Adults alike, are susceptible to social proof. Teens just moreso.


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## Lelu (Jun 1, 2015)

Lack of deterrence. Many factors can contribute to it, but most often if you don't belong to a group with high social capital, then you're free game for the wolves and the vultures.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Coburn said:


> As someone who did bully others in my early, early years, I can definitively say the only thing my victims had in common was that they were, as a general rule of thumb, "softer" than me.
> 
> By "softer" I mean they were generally more gentle and good natured. People that were more easily trusting, bright-eyed-bushy-tailed, etc.
> 
> ...


Yeah, it's like I just can't escape the perception that I'm timid or meek. 

I REALLY don't think I am. I do not care what people think. Yet, I just no not have an imposing presence to some...? though oddly enough, some people have found me intimidating. 


Whenever I go to the rich yuppie part of town, I always seem to seriously freak people the fuck out. It's quite amusing as they look at me in horror. I guess there's some secret handshake the wealthy only know.

I guess I have to try and work on my 'intimidating' are manly-strong-man-macho meat-head defensive stance and come-backs. I think I just always waiver a bit. I jut find it so draining. 

Especially when I think most of them are very loud Extroverted types who are way quicker reacting, and almost seem to strive on that thing. Stand-offs? is that what they considered?

Is it possible to somehow avoid these 'macho' type of men? I god damn hate them.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

MeteorShadow said:


> Yeah, it's like I just can't escape the perception that I'm timid or meek.


Sometimes it's just not something you can get out of. It has nothing to do with looking timid or weak.

I've never come across as timid or weak, but I had a guy throughout most of high school who regularly threatened to kill me. I never backed down, but it didn't make him stop. It was just something he felt compelled to do and I had to deal with.



> I REALLY don't think I am. I do not care what people think. Yet, I just no not have an imposing presence to some...? though oddly enough, some people have found me intimidating.
> 
> Whenever I go to the rich yuppie part of town, I always seem to seriously freak people the fuck out. It's quite amusing as they look at me in horror. I guess there's some secret handshake the wealthy only know.


Well if you don't fit in, of course you're going to get looks. I am an extreme minority where I live in terms of skin color, and most of the people in my neighborhood won't even exchange hellos with me. It is what it is. 

Not trying to brush over your experiences. I guess maybe I'm just more cast-off about the whole thing having been on both sides.


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## lanausee (Mar 20, 2011)

I was conventionally hideous in high school and I was never bullied, not that I'm the only example, but I honestly don't think it has to do with being 'attractive'. Not to mention a lot of beautiful people I know were bullied relentlessly. You don't have to walk around like a warrior, but the way you carry yourself is very important. Bullies want to make themselves feel better 98% of the time. If you don't look or sound afraid people are less likely to pick on you because you've already proven to be too much of a fight for them. Especially with verbal bullies.

It might seem barbaric, but that's the way it works a lot of the time.


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## shazam (Oct 18, 2015)

You could get in with one of those guys that doesn't care about anything. They're quite reserved but when they see who you are they're quite protective.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

lanausee said:


> I was conventionally hideous in high school and I was never bullied, not that I'm the only example, but I honestly don't think it has to do with being 'attractive'. Not to mention a lot of beautiful people I know were bullied relentlessly. You don't have to walk around like a warrior, but the way you carry yourself is very important. Bullies want to make themselves feel better 98% of the time. If you don't look or sound afraid people are less likely to pick on you because you've already proven to be too much of a fight for them. Especially with verbal bullies.
> 
> It might seem barbaric, but that's the way it works a lot of the time.


Well, I think I just have this 'airy' 'dreamy' quality that makes some people want to get into my comfort zone and destroy it or something.


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## Godless (Jan 27, 2016)

I thought "what better way is there to get an answer to this question than ask someone bullying me" so I went around my area looking for bullies and asked them why I attract bullies. These were their most popular answers: 

"Your mom."
"Your dad" (in San Francisco).
"Give me your wallet, bitch!"


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Coburn said:


> Sometimes it's just not something you can get out of. It has nothing to do with looking timid or weak.
> 
> I've never come across as timid or weak, but I had a guy throughout most of high school who regularly threatened to kill me. I never backed down, but it didn't make him stop. It was just something he felt compelled to do and I had to deal with.
> 
> ...


TO take from a phantasmagoria of a new-age shtick of sorts, I have often wondered if that maybe certain people on similar frequencies of sorts somehow are drawn to each other. And often, when that energy is too "negative" (or perhaps they have the same unresolved issues) they inexplicably are brought together by the universe in some way.

That being said. Its' really strange. I suppose it's usually the person, and it's better to detach altogether ...yet I am faced with the most peculiar anger, in a sense that I do not like feeling 'out of control' or having some one feel entitled as to enter in my comfort zone, or emotional space frequently without anyway permission. It makes me a special kind of mad, one that altogether gives me the sensation of being out of control. 


That's often the dilemma for me. It's a fear for me to let go, as when I have let go in the past, destruction has followed. Well, maybe that's dramatic; I would say dysfunction and unhappiness.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

MeteorShadow said:


> TO take from a phantasmagoria of a new-age shtick of sorts, I have often wondered if that maybe certain people on similar frequencies of sorts somehow are drawn to each other. And often, when that energy is too "negative" (or perhaps they have the same unresolved issues) they inexplicably are brought together by the universe in some way.


I dunno. None of the people I mistreated in life were on my life frequency. At least I hope not. They deserve better.



> That being said. Its' really strange. I suppose it's usually the person, and it's better to detach altogether ...yet I am faced with the most peculiar anger, in a sense that I do not like feeling 'out of control' or having some one feel entitled as to enter in my comfort zone, or emotional space frequently without anyway permission. It makes me a special kind of mad, one that altogether gives me the sensation of being out of control.
> 
> That's often the dilemma for me.


It sounds like your personal space extends into other people.


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## Plumedoux (Aug 16, 2015)

Bullies are just a plague in earth, they are full of insecurity and use a victim in order to feel better.
Now depend if you get bullied by a group of people or by someone particular.

If you get bullied by a group of people, it's because you have something different which they don't understand or somewhat disturbs them. When they bullied you, the group feel united in their action. The victim bring cohesion in their group. Now they always choose someone alone to do their shit because the person is weak alone. So basically the victim is here to make the group feel better about their insecurities.

Now it can be a specific bullies with one victim, this one is more vicious because the guy project something personal into his victim. Same he choose someone more weak than himself. 

Now some people are more prone to be bullied because they have something different combined with a position of weakness compare to the bullies that can be a position in the hierachy or someone who is soft by nature.

Don't forget that bullies are by definition cowards because they don't face their own insecurity and they always choose someone weak.


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## Rhonda Rousey (Sep 22, 2015)

Vulnerability and how inappropriate they are.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Plumedoux said:


> Don't forget that bullies are by definition cowards because they don't face their own insecurity and they always choose someone weak.


I'm always conflicted when I see sweeping generalizations like this. On one hand, they aren't true. On the other, it seems like they often serve as a sort of mental security blanket for people who did experience bullying.

What do you think is the better way to approach an incorrect statement like this? Acknowledge that it's not true and invite discussion on why bullies and victims exist, or stay silent and let people live with the fantasy they've created for themselves?

I don't mean this in a sarcastic way. I'm just honestly never sure what people who make these claims are looking for when they say things like this.


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

I'm an HSP, so basically everything makes me cry, and everybody would bully me all throughout grade school and middle school just to watch me react because I was the most sensitive. I mean, they would sort of be mean to each other when they playfully teased each other, and I think that's how it started with me, but I took them too seriously, and they might have thought I was just playing along, but they would often all team up and target me and harass me, and it made me seriously depressed.


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## Aurus (Jan 8, 2016)

Plumedoux said:


> Okey that's a shallow view of bullied people, maybe you could show some empathy and try to understand their situations instead of create a view that missed a lot of factors. Yes they need help because it's very difficult to overcome this kind of things due to diverse factors. And what's the difference between a "victim" and someone who is victim of bullies ?


I think you are right. Although, it won't actually solve the problem. Of course it will emotionally help the victim, but it won't make the variable be eliminated from the equation. In some cases, bullies are not much more than feeble philistines. I think that it isn't really possible to solve the problem, however helping emotionally would make a great deal of change. But since the problem isn't solved, there is no reason why someone would put their on ass on harm's way for someone who won't stop being bullied. Because wanting or not, if you are friends of the bullied, you are part of the bullied. Although i don't agree with it, that's how it works, unfortunately.


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## Denature (Nov 6, 2015)

Plumedoux said:


> This is completely incorrect. Yes strengths and weaknesses depend mostly of the situation you are. Depend of the position on the hierarchy you are, depend on the number of people you are against, depend of many factors. Say that because you are strong person inside, you can deal with any situation with strength is completely out of the reality. The reality is different.


It's difficult to accept your position without any examples to go by. My definition of strength, in this context, is an ability to overcome your situation. If you can't overcome your situation then obviously you were weak correct? The strengths don't depend on the situation or any factors. It's simply an ability to overcome a situation whether it's using your actual physical strength to escape a collapsed mine or using your emotional strength to cope with the stress of being lost. I find your last sentence a bit confusing. Are you trying to say that without strength, the reality of the situation changes? Then yes, I would agree.



Plumedoux said:


> Okey that's a shallow view of bullied people, maybe you could show some empathy and try to understand their situations instead of create a view that missed a lot of factors. Yes they need help because it's very difficult to overcome this kind of things due to diverse factors. And what's the difference between a "victim" and someone who is victim of bullies ?


"Diverse factors", "missed a lot of factors", " their situations". These are all words used to describe special cases in which a person may not be *able* to help themselves which is obviously an acception to my system. I will make a more accurate statement here:
A victim is someone who is *unable* to deal with a certain event that ultimately effects their health in a negative way.
For example, a bullied kid may be a victim because as someone with low-self esteem, they may not be able to stand up for themselves. This person is ultimately a victim due to the fact that they are *unable* to help themselves. However my argument to this line of thinking is that the kid is *fully capable* of helping themselves but due to their own weaknesses, it is harder for them to stand up to the bully. This in no way, shape, or form makes it impossible for a kid to toughen up and fight their own battles. 

I don't promote bullying but rather I see it as more of a natural selection thing. A biological perspective. Humans will try to assert dominance over you and if you're a weak little beta then of course people will step all over you but maybe betas are meant to be betas. Maybe it's up to the individual to better themselves correct? It's no one's duty, but there is a movement to try and rid of this harsh treatment of weaker people and it's overall good thing, since it promotes harmony and less violence.


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## Blazkovitz (Mar 16, 2014)

I think the reasons are likely to be idiosyncratic. Every case of bullying is different.

At 15-16, I was bullied by a group of schoolmates because I'd admitted to despise porn and masturbation. Perhaps they felt guilty and hated me for proving it is possible (though difficult) to resist the temptations.


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## Resolution (Feb 8, 2010)

MeteorShadow said:


> Well, I was just really wondering if there was some strange psychological phenomenon wherein certain people or types of individuals attract bullies more often then not.
> 
> I myself have witnessed this, and have been on the brunt end of it for most of my life.
> 
> ...


I've honestly always felt the best way to deal with this is a consistent set of verbal low blows and consistent attacks on their self worth (low self worth in them tends to be the trigger for this behavior). The idea is for their every negative interaction with you to be either emotionally or socially painful. 

But you have to be prepared for it to come to blows, which it sometimes does at that point. 

But once you have that reputation... even that "air" around you, it won't be worth it to bullies. They are looking for a self-esteem lift. If you can consistently damage their self esteem or image whenever they engage in this behavior, the cost/benefit will tilt and they will look for other prey.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Btmangan said:


> I've honestly always felt the best way to deal with this is a consistent set of verbal low blows and consistent attacks on their self worth (low self worth in them tends to be the trigger for this behavior). The idea is for their every negative interaction with you to be either emotionally or socially painful.
> 
> But you have to be prepared for it to come to blows, which it sometimes does at that point.
> 
> But once you have that reputation... even that "air" around you, it won't be worth it to bullies. They are looking for a self-esteem lift. If you can consistently damage their self esteem or image whenever they engage in this behavior, the cost/benefit will tilt and they will look for other prey.


This hasn't worked for me at all, in fact, it's usually the opposite; and oddly enough, many of them are quite large (larger then average) and try to use their size and strength to dominate, impose and scare me.

It just happens all the time. I swear to god, I am just like an normal INFP on the surface, but people are always trying to bully me. I'm considered attractive, intelligent, and whatever else. I'm not a total shut in nerd, but I am a little 'eccentric' and it seems to be about that all of the time. It's really frustrating. Like I just bewilder and make most people think I'm so utterly strange. 

Is it seriously not an environment thing? I really am starting to wonder if it's a socio-demographic thing sort of...? environment/area/place/people who inhabit there.

People have been mean to me my whole life, and I just expect it. On average, people are rude, coarse, and mean. Something kind of insulting, demeaning, or bully-esque (getting really into my face and trying to mess with me)


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Poizon said:


> Perhaps you're just surrounded by people like that. I'm sure you're intelligent enough to figure out if it's your *socio-economic* status or not.
> On another note, I believe that the weak will always be taken advantage of. Any sign of weakness will be met with a variety of responses. Some people latch on to weakness to validate themselves, others see it as an opportunity to use you as a tool, others are angered by it.
> My hypothesis is that you must appear weak. Therefore, those of a more aggressive personality will use you.


Well that's the thing, I'm not really sure...I cannot tell myself, because most people are the same. 
I've read a shit ton just to try and understand the world and how everything works because I felt so utterly confused and bewildered by the world. I know all about socio-economic, class, history, and stuff like that, and after traveling and the like a bit, I have realized that there really is not that much of a difference. 

The difference I think that exist are usually conditional, and more then anything a sort of mind-set and cultural thing. But, growing up in a lower-income situation (can) screw people up for life pretty much.
The thing with people from more well off backgrounds though is that, i find most of them are the same as everyone else, just gotten off to a better start, and are really arrogant because of that, and they think they are better then everyone else, and honestly seem a little scared of the world.

Sort of, but I'm not entirely sure. 
I guess I have been around working class people and lower/income situations and areas for most of my life. I've never really known anything but, so I can't say for sure. I swear to god, they seem like they are from an entirely different world from me, and they often don't like me; because again, their lives have been comfier. I cannot really get along with them either, as in my experience they think I am weird, and more or less a plebeian. They think everyone else is below them, and are inferior to them in some way. It's like a huge gap.

It's like in sci-fi stories, where there's always a "under-city/slum" type deal, and everyone lives below the rest of normal society in horrible poverty and are treated as though they are inferior. That's what it's like. So because of that, I am a consentement outsider. It sucks. They don't know what it's like to have real problems.

Not lower class enough, not middle class enough, not upper class enough. Not no nothin'
I guess that's why everyone bullies me. I am the anomaly.


All Farm Animals are created equally; until proven otherwise.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

I guess that's how it works in society, though. People work the same jobs, make the same overall wage, go to the same places and live in the same areas. It's like Club Med, ha ha ha. Everyone keeps to their own little area/niche. Maybe that's what it is...sort of.

Be scared of the public; I am giraffe, daffy dill, mutant, toad, zebra.


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## 1yesman9 (Jul 10, 2014)

The cliche is true. Weakness and Eccentricity.

Weakness being the guiding factor. Weirdness is allowed, outside of extreme cases where significant social and moral conditions are threatened, as long as it's backed up by a certain authentic confidence and self-assertion.


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## DarthSkywalker (Jul 24, 2011)

The weakest link always sees the most stress - don't be the weakest link.


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## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

@Meteoric Shadows, I take it from your signature you're a nonconformist. Good for you! Unfortuntately, that's one of the fastest ways to attract bullying. One reason is likely because nonconformists are easier to spot. They stand out more from the homogeneous herd. Also most humans are uncomfortable with nonconformists, because nonconformity tends to make people think more, and most people are intellectually lazy. 

The other thing is caring too much about what other people think of you. Most bullies tend to be unhappy with themselves or want to fit in with other people who are unhappy with themselves, because why would a happy person ever want to make someone else unhappy? That wouldn't make any sense. So they like to feel their power in affecting someone else. The less other people can get to you, the less they realize they have no power over you, and you become boring to them as a target. 

Just remember being a nonconformist is a good thing. I always say, the majority of people are irritatingly wrong in their approach to just about everything. That's probably why so many infrastructures are falling apart. Nonconformists are usually the only people that have anything interesting, and, often, intelligent to say. So, be proud of what you are and to crap what anyone else things. I like quoting what Jung, himself said: "Thinking is hard. That's why most people judge."


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## Antipode (Jul 8, 2012)

Well, how are they bullying you?

What's an honest representation of one of your interactions with them?

---

And sadly, psychologically speaking, it's very hard to change the perception people have about you. You say you've been bullied all your life, then it's probably cultivated your image into someone who can be bullied.

For instance, you know that kid who is always late for class? Imagine they were on time for a month. And then on the 32nd day they were late again. You would all roll your eyes and say that kid is always late for class.

Changing environments can always be a good idea.


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## marigoldran (Feb 23, 2016)

I'm purposefully attracting bullies and trolls to my thread. Go there and look it up, and you'll see how.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

DarthSkywalker said:


> The weakest link always sees the most stress - don't be the weakest link.


I thanked you.

But what I really meant was "Fuck you" but in a way that I'm not really that offended :tongue:


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## marigoldran (Feb 23, 2016)

Oh yeah, don't say "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me," unless you mean it. Bullies can tell. 

In fact saying those words tend to attract them like flies to a rotting hot dog, or something.

Also a combination of emotional vulnerability and arrogance. I've found those traits useful at times. Not so good when you aren't doing it intentionally.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

dulcinea said:


> @_Meteoric Shadows_ , I take it from your signature you're a nonconformist. Good for you! Unfortuntately, that's one of the fastest ways to attract bullying. One reason is likely because nonconformists are easier to spot. They stand out more from the homogeneous herd. Also most humans are uncomfortable with nonconformists, because nonconformity tends to make people think more, and most people are intellectually lazy.
> 
> The other thing is caring too much about what other people think of you. Most bullies tend to be unhappy with themselves or want to fit in with other people who are unhappy with themselves, because why would a happy person ever want to make someone else unhappy? That wouldn't make any sense. So they like to feel their power in affecting someone else. The less other people can get to you, the less they realize they have no power over you, and you become boring to them as a target.
> 
> Just remember being a nonconformist is a good thing. I always say, the majority of people are irritatingly wrong in their approach to just about everything. That's probably why so many infrastructures are falling apart. Nonconformists are usually the only people that have anything interesting, and, often, intelligent to say. So, be proud of what you are and to crap what anyone else things. I like quoting what Jung, himself said: "Thinking is hard. That's why most people judge."


You don't think it's the "sociological" aspect or perspective at all? 

I may have went too far there, but yeah...

Thanks. Well, I suppose I am, but I've always found it peculiar because I don't go out of my way that extremely to really be 'different' only a little bit; but I am definitely still an individual. I always thought things like "thinking for youself" and "questioning the norm" were pretty common place and well understood for the most part, yet after traveling I was surprised to find that most are still quite conventional.(everyone gets so offended by that!) but it's like, fuck, old fashioned values, traditions and norms, without out any reciprocity or openness to new or different ways of doing things. It's just, blah blah blah vanilla bland. Just the boring, straight and narrow, crew-cut America (as if there is such a thing)


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Antipode said:


> Well, how are they bullying you?
> 
> What's an honest representation of one of your interactions with them?
> 
> ...


well, unfortunately I've had a lot of issues throughout my life, which has led to a lot of awkward and strange socially awkward behavior which was probably too socially unacceptable for most people. 

It's really hard to tell when someone is just a a completely vile person to you, and they're just bugging you, or teasing and maybe don't care for you that much, as I hesitate to react too sensitively. 

Other times, I'm pretty sure it was over my personality. The fact that, I am quite and am not good at typically coming off as very assertive; not because I am not per-say, just that I don't have a lot of energy socially that often. But when I do, I usually just overwhelm people, am 'too much' and intense, or just seem too strange and people thin I'm on drugs or something half the time. Just have been an outcast for most of my life, it bewilders me just how often I have kind of been the odd one out.

I guess too, it is often the 'non-conforming'-thing. It really, really, bothers a lot of people to question or go against the status quo at all. I find that, any sort of non-conforming type of behavior that doesn't fit easily into the standard protocol quickly scares or makes others think that the said person is really maladjusted or something. I've always found it really weird and have been comfortable with deviation and spontaneity. *sigh*

Also, us Westerners tend to place a great emphasis on being gregarious, loud and outgoing. And well, it's always been difficult for me for whatever reason to act like an extrovert. It just doesn't really work.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

Porous ego boundaries (i.e. personal boundary issues). 

Bottom line is, if you have strong boundaries you are more likely to repel bullies/toxic personalities. They prey on those that they can feed from.


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## marigoldran (Feb 23, 2016)

The Perfect Storm said:


> Porous ego boundaries (i.e. personal boundary issues).
> 
> Bottom line is, if you have strong boundaries you are more likely to repel bullies/toxic personalities. They prey on those that they can feed from.


I've bullied in the past and I've been bullied. 

The important thing is to convince them:

"I am me. You are you. Let's be courteous. And let's make fun of that idiot over there."


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Pheromones.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

marigoldran said:


> I've bullied in the past and I've been bullied.
> 
> The important thing is to convince them:
> 
> "I am me. You are you. Let's be courteous. And let's make fun of that idiot over there."


I've never bullied but I have been a victim (grew up with a pretty unhealthy mother who enjoyed raging and dumping her shame onto me). Needless to say, I grew up with very weak boundaries and learnt about this stuff the hard way.


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## Resolution (Feb 8, 2010)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> This hasn't worked for me at all, in fact, it's usually the opposite; and oddly enough, many of them are quite large (larger then average) and try to use their size and strength to dominate, impose and scare me.
> 
> It just happens all the time. I swear to god, I am just like an normal INFP on the surface, but people are always trying to bully me. I'm considered attractive, intelligent, and whatever else. I'm not a total shut in nerd, but I am a little 'eccentric' and it seems to be about that all of the time. It's really frustrating. Like I just bewilder and make most people think I'm so utterly strange.
> 
> ...



Mnn... well nothing else that your posting about would seem to indicate why this is happening. Perhaps it is the area? Could be any number of things. 

If you are physically smaller than your opponent, I don't recommend combat unless you're a natural out-fighter so that option seems to be off the table as well. 

Wish you luck in any case.


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## Sparky (Mar 15, 2010)

@_Meteoric Shadows_, are you interested in psychic phenomenon, UFO and forgotten history? Certain individuals are just attracted to someone with your vibration level, like flies to a light. This attraction can sometimes be dangerous for vulnerable looking women, who can attract unwanted attention from unscrupulous men.


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> Well, I was just really wondering if there was some strange psychological phenomenon wherein certain people or types of individuals attract bullies more often then not.
> 
> I myself have witnessed this, and have been on the brunt end of it for most of my life.
> 
> ...



1.Odd or sticks out in any way 
2.Quiet 
3.Nerdy 
4.Small 
5.Skinny 
6.Speaks intelligently/Has high vocabulary 
7.Medical problems 
8.Some kind of handicap psychological/Neurologically(Speach problems) 
9.Income 

1.Being different will always cuase people to target them(Not this persons fualt but its a fact) 
2.When one is quiet people tend to view them as weak vs being loud and proud(Does not mean anything is really wrong with you) 
3.If you are into anything regarded as geeky/nerdy a lot of times people Judge(Unless its other geeks/Nerds) 
4.It does not matter what positive quality's you have, if you are small you are a target(Thats self explanatory right?) 
5.Skinny(A lot of people assume this means weak and easy to push around and that helps them raise thier own status) 
6.Makes other people feel dumb(Not that speaking intelligently is a bad thing) 
7.Medical problems sometimes will make others mock you(Its wrong but it happens) 
8.This is self explanatory 
9.This is a big one(A child cant help this) I was picked on severely since they said my family was too poor and didn't deserve to live there. 

None of this is the targets fault though. A good school is suppose to make sure students stay in line, not allow this crap to keep happening.


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

When you live in a community of people with severely low self-esteem that they need a scapegoat in order to make themselves feel better.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Sparky said:


> @_Meteoric Shadows_, are you interested in psychic phenomenon, UFO and forgotten history? Certain individuals are just attracted to someone with your vibration level, like flies to a light. This attraction can sometimes be dangerous for vulnerable looking women, who can attract unwanted attention from unscrupulous men.


It's just usually the same types of people, but I think it's because I don't "fit" into the norm, and thus, they must feel entitled to treat me somewhat like a dog. 

I suppose it's because I think for myself and am not a mindless conformist and it really makes a lot of people angry; particularly those who are uncomfortable with out rigid structure, and I am thus the perpetual nail that always needs to be hammered down. I don't fit into their system and mind-control, and it really tears them up inside. Jalopie fascists. I guess most people who bully are a certain way. I just find it odd how eerily they are all the same. They're like a dime a dozen to be honest. 

That's what I keep thinking in particular. Why does it seem like, the ones who do it the most are always all the similar to each other?


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## Sparky (Mar 15, 2010)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> It's always the same types of people usually. Honestly, they are disturbingly like members of my family and then on. It's like, they all the same psychological profiles and stuff and all act/think vaguely similar. But I think it's sort of true what I said about the sociological thing. I'm stuck between worlds. Everyone wants to live in denile and hate sociologists or out right ignore them, and while I have some hesitancy (I hate pretentious arrogant cum laud type individuals and theorists) there's some truth, too.
> 
> 
> But I think I'm just really "weird" too. and it just attracts the natural instinctual "bully" thing from some people, or something. I don't know, I'm just one of those "weird" people that everyone try to invalidate those kinds of individuals and phenomenon, but being "weird" or "different" really does put a target on you; even if it's only on the surface. Questioning convention or general assumptions and ways of doing things makes many very uncomfortable, and will generally not take kindly to them. It's so ridiculous too that, anything that isn't what the state or media wants you to think, is degraded and termed as only a symptom of "adolescence" and being a teenager. In fact, have you noticed, anything that isn't favorable, or desirable, and conventionally fall into convention is lumped into that area? "teenager-y" "teenagers" "*teen*-angst" give me a freaking break.
> ...


It's possible the bullies just want you to be afraid of them, or that they detect a certain fear, so are attracted to you.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

nvm.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Sparky said:


> It's possible the bullies just want you to be afraid of them, or that they detect a certain fear, so are attracted to you.


Yeah whatever dude, it's really that simple isn't it? 

Look.._THE OTHER WAY 
_I'm not a particularly scared person and in fact am quite worldly.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

plz, edit out your post. I don't want everyone to know I'm a sociologist. It's the worst kind "ist"

(please, I'm so cum-laud; it's rather embarrassing.)

Wait, you know what? I don't care. It's called "sociology" people. We can't all wait around forever so that everyone can decide what their "opinions" are while they wrap them up in a nice little package, too. It's life and death out here. No time for dawdling. Sorry. You're going to get left behind and left out. There's no waiting to catch up to; as the world is ever ambling forward. Better watch out. There's a storm brewing outside. Can you sense the electricity and precipitation in the air? no more excuses.


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## MisterPerfect (Nov 20, 2015)

Meteoric Shadows said:


> It's just usually the same types of people, but I think it's because I don't "fit" into the norm, and thus, they must feel entitled to treat me somewhat like a dog.
> 
> I suppose it's because I think for myself and am not a mindless conformist and it really makes a lot of people angry; particularly those who are uncomfortable with out rigid structure, and I am thus the perpetual nail that always needs to be hammered down. I don't fit into their system and mind-control, and it really tears him up upside. Jalopie fascists. I guess most people who bully are a certain way. I just find it odd how eerily they are all the same. They're like a dime a dozen to be honest.
> 
> That's what I keep thinking in particular. Why does it seem like, the ones who do it the most are always all the similar to each other?


Most people can benefit from structure, needing structure does not equal stupidity. Some people are just stupid, and it hurts them emotionally when others are not.


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

MisterPerfect said:


> Most people can benefit from structure, needing structure does not equal stupidity. Some people are just stupid, and it hurts them emotionally when others are not.


Mutual, and agreed upon; or tyrannical, stuffy, and dare I say, oppressive :shocked:

Obviously there is a difference between being a walking blithering dysfunctional mess, and someone who is very clear-headed, and up-right, and uniquely themselves; while not interfering with being as utilitarian, precise, and productive, when the mood and necessity strikes. Not a witheringly grey penguin who gets knocked down with the rest of the pegs in the bowling lane when something is wrong.

Oh, and I think people work best when they are able to be uniquely themselves, and do what comes naturally to them, in their own and best way that suits them. Not, being rigidly forced into some kind of box like a stuffed turkey.

And yeeeeaaaaaaaaaah, says the guy with a quasi-Hilter esque avatar.....

I guess I wasn't really insulting them know. But I'm talking in a sense that any at all little sappling sprouting up from the dry concrete is just IMMEDIATELY, IMMEDIATELY squashed. The public goes ballistic. Lemmings, Oompa Loompa's. 

As far as I'm concerned, they deserved to be insulted, with the kind of outright tyranny they go on about, trying to squash and obliterate any forms of free-thought. I've taken the guns out of the holster! It's back to the Wild West! yee-haaw, I'm Rick James, Bitch!

Can't touch this, can't touch this. Of course, I don't really mean it. I'm a naughty, naughty boy. Please forgive me, I'm just being playful.


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