# How do you mend a broken heart?



## decided (May 17, 2009)

In your opinion, what is the best method to use for a person to 'move on' after a relationship has ended?

And what is the worst method?

Also, how can a person help you through a time like this?

And how do you know when you are ready to try to love again?

-- Feel free to share any stories if you wish.


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## iceman44 (Nov 11, 2009)

When I have a broken heart, time usually does its thing and I try to talk to someone about it. Then I feel better.:happy:


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## Jack Rabid (Aug 6, 2009)

Depends how badly my heart is broken.. 

I can sometimes simply move on.. other times no so easy.. I can become very depressed... I can act slutty.. I can go on benders.. or move across the country..

Or I can just ride it out.. 

I do not believe there is a magic fix for it..


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

I would say the best way to get over a broken heart is to give it time. I bet we've all heard to "just give it time" at some point in our lifetime. Words of the wise. Listen. 

The worst way? Getting addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, or self-injury (i.e. cutting). I've known people to do one or more of these things after a boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them. In the long run, it did not speed up the 'healing of the heart' process any faster. 

Also, when a serious relationship has ended and you're heartbroken, that's when I believe it's best to be around friends and family members as much as possible. They will help you through a lot if they really care for you. I know they did that for me. 

For me, personally, I've only ever had two real heartbreaks. The first was with my first ever boyfriend--and we all know how that goes. After that ended, I put up a shield for two years before letting myself really love again. 

I then got into a relationship with another guy, and that lasted two years. I was heartbroken after that one--not because I still loved him, but because I felt I was losing my best friend. Anyways, after this one ended I just talked with my friends and family, and did things I enjoyed. I felt good enough to move on after about a month. 

How do you know when you are ready to try and love again? You'll be thinking optimistically about love, and not pessimistically... Its been 3 months since my last relationship ended, and I see love as a pointless thing. I have a shield over my heart. I'm not ready to let anybody else in.


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

I usually handle this stuff xSTP-Style: Distraction. 
Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself I go and watch my favorite shows and videos on YT. I socialize a lot and make new friends by making some crazy jokes or whatever. Just action, action, action. The rest fixes itself sooner or later. 

What not to do in my opinion: Sitting around thinking about it for days and wondering about the why and *how mean life is to always strike me* or whatever. 

The best IMO is to get a *change* and just DO something, as stated above.


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## Robatix (Mar 26, 2009)




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## Rourk (Feb 17, 2009)

Be indifferent to your emotional states. Never underestimate the power of compartmentalization. If you never attach the "self" to the emotional stufff then you never have to suffer from any loss aside from the annoying physiological, chemical, withdrawal stuff. And use logic at every turn to rationalize anything emotional. Like pretend that your tear ducts need draining.


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

Get a heart transplant -- then start all over again.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Keep yourself busy.


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## Jack Rabid (Aug 6, 2009)

Rourk said:


> Be indifferent to your emotional states. Never underestimate the power of compartmentalization. If you never attach the "self" to the emotional stufff then you never have to suffer from any loss aside from the annoying physiological, chemical, withdrawal stuff. And use logic at every turn to rationalize anything emotional. Like pretend that your tear ducts need draining.


 I have tried this for years.. it doesn't work.. Emotions do not go away unless they are felt..


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## Briggs (Aug 23, 2009)

You are going to feel bad.......people dont want to do this in our society, we have pills and booze etc to mask our feelings.

You need to feel them. 

Then you can move on.


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

Time really is the best way, as clishe' as it sounds. The worst thing you can do is still talk to that person, immediately after your guys' relationship ends. Even if you are going to be friends afterward, they still need time to regroup and so do you. I don't think you really ever stop loving those people, you just learn to live with it. 

Indulge in yourself, and rediscovery you. Breaking up is a painful process, but you can have a beautiful transformation from it. Plus it also narrows the list down further.


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## Rourk (Feb 17, 2009)

Get a hammer, some nails, some new boards, and patch that heart up. Oh and this picture should help too.


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## idiocyncratic (Nov 24, 2009)

Time doesnt really heal wounds of a broken heart. Time just makes you forget about the pain for a moment and the next time you see something that reminds yourself of that person, you'd feel the hurt all over again. YOU mend your own broken heart.I think for most of us, when a serious relationship ends, its not just the broken heart thats a problem but we kind of lose ourself as well. We have to get use to the idea of living without that person. Build up yourself again. Get in touch with your passion. Get busy and surround yourself with friends even though you do not feel like mixing around. Force yourself.It helps to take time off to breakdown totally and let your thoughts out and confront your feelings. Maybe take a day to do it - do not stay in bed for so long. Then get up the next day as a new person, new goals, new future. If you choose to numb your heart from the beginning, the next time you are getting into another relationship, you realize that theres a barrier cos you've been carrying a baggage all these while.As for when you know you are ready again, im not so sure.Oh, never get a rebound guy/girl to mend your broken heart. we do not need another clueless person to help us get over it. we will only end up with more headache or possibly heartache cos theres more parties involved now.


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## Shadow2751 (Nov 1, 2009)

Robatix said:


>


I second this motion.


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## fafyrd (Nov 20, 2009)

I used to go out whoever I knew I could go out with immediately after a heart-wrenching breakup as along as they weren't from work, friends of family, etc... no close personal contacts. I suppose it fits the distraction agenda others have posted and there's a lot of merit to it. I tend to exercise harder, write more, think more, read more... In short, be me x2. 

More importantly, make sure you are important to you. That you derive happiness from yourself in whatever manner that may be - through your skills, through your family, through your religion/spirituality, etc... I'd guard against being totally emotionally or fiscally reliant on someone for entertainment, fulfillment, sense of self-worth, etc...

I tend to get crushed when future plans we've made come around and the other person is not there. It's hard and painful but I just deal with it - usually by being super-outgoing and friendly to new people I meet along the way.


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## sunshinenfp (Oct 1, 2009)

Posted something similar in another topic, but:

1. time
2. distance
3. distractions

and then journaling, listening to music, and just mourning in general. Sometimes I need to feel bad in order to feel better.


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## Jack Rabid (Aug 6, 2009)

I think it will only _truly _mend when blaming stops..When you are free to not blame yourself or the other(s) then your heart will be mended..
I hear a lot of how to deal with the pain of heartbreak in this thread , but only 1-2 posts that actually talk about _mending_ the broken heart..
Mending occurs when a moment of honest objectivity is arrived at.. Only when you can look at things and remove the bad feelings from your perspective, can you see things for what they really were/are.

Love is supposed to be about free will..So whatever happened, you chose it, you must own it.
Hiding from that will only paint your heart a different color .. it will not mend it..


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## Keladry (Nov 29, 2009)

Time. And meeting new people, not necessarily in a romantic way but even just so that unlike your friends, you HAVE to put on a brave face and pretend everything is fine. And losing all contact with the person you're trying to get over.

It was actually easier for me to get over my ex than it was for me to get over a boy who I was in love with for 9 months, because when my 6 month relationship ended, it ENDED and there was a definite point for me to move past. Whereas the other time, the boy was previously one of my best friends but once he found out I had feelings for him our relationship deteriorated and so there was the additional problem of trying not to lose my friend (which meant i couldn't cut contact with him altogether). 

So I know people say time cures all (and I listed time first), but it really didn't help me then, only meeting my ex did (who obviously was at the time...not yet my ex). 
And in case you're wondering, the friend and I are close again and I'm 99% over him haha. There's more story there but I won't bore you.


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## addle1618 (Oct 31, 2008)

You throw away that stupid heart, it is dead weight anyway, and start belittling relationships and the such :wink:


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