# How do you show people you care about them?



## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

Just another T that has no idea how to show people that I actually care about them. I get things like "You don't care about me!" or "You're just a sociopath." all the time, and when I tell people that I actually really do care about them, they don't believe me. Maybe it's because I'm super sarcastic and can be downright mean, especially to people I care about, but that's just how I show it I guess. But they don't understand that. Feelers, or thinkers who are better at this than I am, how do you care about people? I'm pretty clueless, are you just supposed to hug them or something, because that's awkward for me...


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## Kingdom Crusader (Jan 4, 2012)

I personally show people I care by doing things for them. Typically, it's the little things I do to help people out. I'm not really inclined to say sentimental stuff.


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

Being there for them. It's the best prove of care that someone will have.


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## snowbell (Apr 2, 2012)

Lemxn said:


> Being there for them. It's the best prove of care that someone will have.


I tend to agree here. Someone who's there in the tough times as well as the easy ones is incredibly valued by me. Also you might look into Love Languages as they can point out another way in which people feel cared for.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

Stop being overly sarcastic and intentionally mean to the people you care about. You may think it's funny, and you may even be affirmed for such qualities, but ultimately it comes off poorly. Assume that your humor/wit is not as important/clever as you may think, be a human, and show some humanity.


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## qaryoqa (May 31, 2013)

i make my time available. i also try to at times tell them how i feel about them. with my immediate family i don't really do anything, there is nothing to show of what simply is. i probably assume that if people other than family don't have time for me and don't really say anything to indicate they care about me, or say the opposite more often, and more importantly i can't really have a personal conversation with them, that they don't really care about me in any significant way. also if they rarely if ever initiate anything then i don't think i exist in their world... this is a double-standard because i can be a non-initiator especially when i'm not close enough or comfortable enough (i do easily initiate with my family).


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

I think listening to them and helping with them with their problems as well as being willing to share you own goes a long way.


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## zazara (Nov 28, 2013)

Just be sincere. There is a time to be sarcastic and there is a time to be real. 

If you only show your sarcastic side to others, of course they might feel as if they are a joke to you. 

There's nothing cowardly in showing a little humbling honesty.


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## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

Asian_Chick said:


> I personally show people I care by doing things for them. Typically, it's the little things I do to help people out. I'm not really inclined to say sentimental stuff.


Like what kind of stuff? Examples?


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## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

zazara said:


> Just be sincere. There is a time to be sarcastic and there is a time to be real.
> 
> If you only show your sarcastic side to others, of course they might feel as if they are a joke to you.
> 
> There's nothing cowardly in showing a little humbling honesty.


 ok I try to be serious at times but others take it like I'm being sarcastic because I guess they're just used to that with me. I can't help it that I don't sound sincere!


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## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

Lemxn said:


> Being there for them. It's the best prove of care that someone will have.


What does that entail? I listen to people's problems if they want to tell me and stuff.


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## Kingdom Crusader (Jan 4, 2012)

theredpanda said:


> Like what kind of stuff? Examples?


Okay, there's this one time my friend and I had a discussion about something to do with medication or medical care concerning taking care of our babies. She brought up something that she wasn't certain about and I told her that I thought I had come across some information about that topic, but that I would look that up.

I didn't think anything of it, but she said that she could tell that I was a real friend because I would do something like that for her. I suppose others wouldn't go out of their way to do anything helpful for her.


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## zazara (Nov 28, 2013)

theredpanda said:


> ok I try to be serious at times but others take it like I'm being sarcastic because I guess they're just used to that with me. I can't help it that I don't sound sincere!


Maybe it's like the boy who cried wolf. You might have been sarcastic so much that no matter how serious you try to be, people will see it as sarcastic. 

Good luck!


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

theredpanda said:


> What does that entail? I listen to people's problems if they want to tell me and stuff.


Exactly that.
Being there sometimes not to just listen, being by their side. Trying to make them smile on the sad situations, or give them your shoulder to cry. Or not saying nothing at all, just being there.

It's the most precious thing.


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## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

zazara said:


> Maybe it's like the boy who cried wolf. You might have been sarcastic so much that no matter how serious you try to be, people will see it as sarcastic.
> 
> Good luck!


Yeah, thanks. It's just second nature, really, I can't help it and my weakness is in the emotion area, probably because I don't really feel deep emotion especially with other people...


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## zazara (Nov 28, 2013)

theredpanda said:


> Yeah, thanks. It's just second nature, really, I can't help it and my weakness is in the emotion area, probably because I don't really feel deep emotion especially with other people...


Don't say that. I think everyone can feel deeply as great as the next person. You just don't know how to show it. 

Why else would you make this thread if you didn't think much of it?


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## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

zazara said:


> Don't say that. I think everyone can feel deeply as great as the next person. You just don't know how to show it.
> 
> Why else would you make this thread if you didn't think much of it?


Unless you're a sociopath...


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## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

theredpanda said:


> Just another T that has no idea how to show people that I actually care about them. I get things like "You don't care about me!" or "You're just a sociopath." all the time, and when I tell people that I actually really do care about them, they don't believe me. Maybe it's because I'm super sarcastic and can be downright mean, especially to people I care about, but that's just how I show it I guess. But they don't understand that. Feelers, or thinkers who are better at this than I am, how do you care about people? I'm pretty clueless, are you just supposed to hug them or something, because that's awkward for me...


It depends on the person, to be honest. Different people need different things. 

I am not very affectionate so even though my family and I are *very* close (me, mom, dad, and sister) I rarely have physical contact with them or tell them I love them. They know, because I pick my little sister up in the middle of the night, or bring my mom soup when she is sick, and make a point to call my dad a lot. 

My boyfriend though, is different. He needs to be *told* that I care, and physical affection is a must. Gestures don't mean as much to him as verbal/physical affirmation. 

It's a minefield, believe you me. You have to figure out what kind of attention/confirmation they require specifically and go from there.


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

Home | The 5 Love Languages® <- some of the categories.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

theredpanda said:


> Unless you're a sociopath...


Implying that you may be a sociopath?
Sociopaths/Psychopaths/Antisocial personality disorder (same shit) have a very hard time understanding/using sarcasm because sarcasm is empathy based. 

Also, I'm not entirely sure what you're doing with this thread, it seems to me that you aren't actually going to be using the advice. It seems more of an outlet for you to flaunt your lack of emotion/perceived sociopathic tendencies, while having us run around giving advice to you for no real reason at all. Perhaps to validate your separateness from society as a whole, allowing you to continue pretending that you don't have any emotions at all and anyone that does, is lesser.


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## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

Scruffy said:


> Implying that you may be a sociopath?
> Sociopaths/Psychopaths/Antisocial personality disorder (same shit) have a very hard time understanding/using sarcasm because sarcasm is empathy based.
> 
> Also, I'm not entirely sure what you're doing with this thread, it seems to me that you aren't actually going to be using the advice. It seems more of an outlet for you to flaunt your lack of emotion/perceived sociopathic tendencies, while having us run around giving advice to you for no real reason at all. Perhaps to validate your separateness from society as a whole, allowing you to continue pretending that you don't have any emotions at all and anyone that does, is lesser.


 I'm not a sociopath, just saying.... And I will try to use the advice provided an opportunity and provided I can understand exactly where you guys are going with it. I'm a skeptic- I literally question everything. The way I understand things is by picking them apart to find truth- then challenging that truth. So forgive me if I come across as rude/arrogant or whatever.


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## .59198 (May 26, 2013)

Lol, I'm the same as you. I don't show people how I care for them. Maybe through my actions, but normally people wouldn't notice them. I'm kinda quiet and depressing when I'm at home. Many times, my mother always shouts at me and says, "Why are you always so cold? Like you have no love in you?" I don't know whether that hurt me or whatever, maybe I'm numb already.

The thing is, I love my family so much to the point I can do anything for them (friends, well, I don't trust them so much anymore, only a few). But I can't express my love in words or hugs or kisses or stuff like that because it really isn't my style and I get extremely awkward. People generally think the expression of love is in the form of hugs and kisses and sweet words. It actually isn't the truth. Love can be expressed in many many ways, to the point of even killing others.


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## GoddessofSecrets (Feb 16, 2014)

Personally, I show that I care by asking my friends how their day was, hugging them and telling them I love you, giving them advice, and talking to them on a daily (or semi-daily) basis.

To my family, I do stuff to help out my mom because that's her love language, I tell my dad I appreciate his hard work, I sleep with my little sisters because they're scared to sleep alone. Stuff like that.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

Showing you care is going to vary between each person because every pair of people's dynamics differ. Generally I think it is just a balance of hanging on and letting go ... Sometimes you have to work. Other times, you have to let things go ...


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## theredpanda (Jan 18, 2014)

NK said:


> Showing you care is going to vary between each person because every pair of people's dynamics differ. Generally I think it is just a balance of hanging on and letting go ... Sometimes you have to work. Other times, you have to let things go ...


Ok, but what if everyone you know sees you as a cold-hearted sociopath? What I was asking was basically how to get people to know that I actually do care about them even if I don't really show it.


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## DualGnosis (Apr 6, 2013)

When you find the answer, let me know as well.


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## Nothing1 (Jan 22, 2014)

No one can tell you how to show love. We all have different love styles. Figure out how you show love. Then communicate this information with the people in your life so they can receive your caring/loving acts accordingly.


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## lothweneriniel (Jun 20, 2011)

Part of caring is genuinely paying attention to other people, determining what they need, and acting on that. There is no blanket way to care for everyone.

Some hints of types of behaviors that might come across as caring are offering to do things for people that you know they are having a hard time doing. Paying attention and buying or making them a treat you know that they enjoy. Openly and honestly expressing your feelings. Leaving them notes to say that they are special. Making them mix-tapes. Calling to see how an important event went, or texting, or emailing. Telling them what you like about them. There are many, many more. 

Ultimately, paying attention to their needs is the best way, though.


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## Eggsies (Feb 5, 2013)

Easiest way is to figure out what they take pride in, or if their self-esteem isn't up to that par yet, figure out what they are personally vying for. Then compliment them on that.

For example: my friends...

INTJ Programmer: "Hey this runs really well, no bugs, that's a cool feature, did you do that yourself?"
ISTJ Miniatures Painter: "I love what you did with this guy, the colours rock. That metal looks real too."

et cetera

That's _showing_ care and interest. If you want to _be_ there for people, it takes a lot more commitment and openness.

compliment their craft whenever applicable


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## tulip (Jan 19, 2014)

Eggsies said:


> Easiest way is to figure out what they take pride in, or if their self-esteem isn't up to that par yet, figure out what they are personally vying for. Then compliment them on that.
> 
> For example: my friends...
> 
> ...


Well said! If you compliment something they strive to be successful in or something they put effort into, they will be much more flattered.


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## FakeLefty (Aug 19, 2013)

How I generally show I care for people:

I usually become willing to bust my ass to get them out of whatever dilemma they're in.


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## Klaro26 (May 23, 2013)

Ensure them they can trust me. Help them with whatever I can. Be the shoulder they can always cry on.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Doing helpful things


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