# Pain



## StephAnne04 (Oct 19, 2009)

I'm sorry that this is going to be a girly blog post and I'm gonna cry about how bad my bf was to me. I don't like doing these... but I have to get this out.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He chose to go back to his ex and I didn't fight him on it because I really just wanted him to be happy and I didn't want to be what made him miserable. I had thought he had gone back to her because he just wasn't over her, but it was so much more than that.

I am 23 and I have a 4 year old daughter. I am just now going back to school. It has taken me this long because I just didn't think I could do it. I am notorious for starting things and not finishing them. It's never because I lose interest, its because I start in on myself. I don't think I will be able to do it and what not. So starting college seemed like an impossibility. 

But then this guy came along who I thought completely understood me. He didn't seem to judge for my past and I though loved me for who I was. He pushed me to do school and told me that I could do it and that I was smart and that he believed in me. I know this sounds crazy, but I have never had that kind of support in my life before. I never had anyone that actually believed in me. So him saying that really helped me. It made me believe in myself a little bit.

Everything was going well. I was doing well in classes, haven't messed up or done anything stupid. I was finally starting to get my life on track. And then a mistake from the past has caused a hiccup. And it could really mess everything I am working for up.

I went to my bf and told him how scared I was of this. He seemed supportive. But as the week went on he seemed less and less interested in me. Then at the end of the week he told me about the whole ex thing and I let him go thinking that I was causign him pain.

Well, I just got done talking to him and he told me that the reason he left was that she was more stable. That she is almost done with school like he is. 

This absolutely crushed me. Everything he told me was a lie. He never believed in me. That man that I thought would love me no matter what never existed. I can't tell you how much this hurts. I really believed he thought I was something and not because of what he saw on the outside but for me. But that was never the case.

I feel so stupid for not seeing this. How could I have been so blind? I should have known that it was too good to be true. I can't believe I let myself fall so deeply for him. I love everyone... part of being an ENFJ I guess, but this guy was the first one that I ever loved like this before. It wasn't just what he did for me, it was who he was. And I thought he loved me that way too. I was wrong.

I know this post makes me sound all kinds of hopeless... I'm not. I am very very hurt... but I know in the long run that this is a good thing. I am better off without him. I just need to get this pain out now so it doesn't consume me. 

If you bothered to read all this... thank you.


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## Happy (Oct 10, 2008)




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## 480 (Jan 22, 2009)

Whatever he felt or did not feel... Whatever he believed in or did not believe in...

I hope you have not stopped believing in you. All support aside... the strength you felt inside you when you started to accomplish your goals... was yours. That came from within. Don't let it go. You are still that person.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Your boyfriend was a dick. I can tell from speaking to you that you're an awesome person(plus you're hot too!) and you don't need to worry about him at all. If he is leaving you because he can't see that then you need to realize thats a good thing. He is not someone who cares about you . You don't want to be with someone like that. In fact you shouldn't be sad, you should be glad he left you before you got even more invested.

I know it sucks that you're alone right now but don't worry. It will pass. Just forget about him and worry about yourself.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Oh sweetie, I just had to write you a note and say I have been where you are at. And it hurts deeply for someone to do that to another person. I had this guy I was crazy about and he was telling me he was crazy about me. I than told him of my childhood trauma and he totally lost interest in me. It hurt like a knife had been put right through my heart. All I can say is to work through the pain. You already know him leaving was for the best. But I also wanted to say to keep the positives he gave you. You can succeed on your own without him in your life. Keep in school because that education if very important. And I would encourage you to not feel stupid for not seeing what he was all about. We all get caught up in loving others and don’t see what they are all about. And I don’t think you are stupid at all. And I know you will find a person that deserves you because you are worth it. Just keep going with your education and when the right one comes alone he will see you as the most special person he has ever met regardless of what is in your past. ENFJ’s are natural sweethearts and I hope you will see that in yourself some day. If you need someone to vent this pain on feel free to send me a private message.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

It hurts to have what you thought you had and have it all taken away like that. Especially when that kind of support and acceptance means SO much!! I'm sorry.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Blasphemy. Everything he told you was not a lie. You went back to school and was doing well, like he said you could. I would not think of it in such a negative way. People will always come into your life, some will stay and some will go. Perhaps you should look at the brighter side... he came into your life, showed you that YOU CAN do what you thought you could not. Even though he left, he left that impact on you. Keep getting your life on track and the good things will naturally fall into place. *hug* for you stephanne04.


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## Femme (Jul 12, 2009)

> But I also wanted to say to keep the positives he gave you.


I agree with this statement very much, as well as Avalanche's entire post. I'm truly sorry you had to go through this, Steph... Even so, your resiliance is quite inspiring; you continue to have faith in yourself even when you feel as if you are the only one.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Wow...big hug for you. Everyone else has already said what I would say, so I'll leave it at that. =S


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Put a bullet in his heart.


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Do what I'd do. Kick him in the balls and smile. His dishonesty is a failure on his part not yours. Always remember that you are the better half.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Well we all believe in you. And it's his loss! Just because you're still at school and whatever doesn't make you less stable...I think that was just a cop out because he's an idiot. You have anymore trouble from him just round up the NTs, they'll kick his ass


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## Paul (Apr 12, 2010)

Your ex was just a stepping stone in life. We learn a little from each relationship we're in. All you needed was a little motivation to get you going. Now that you know you have that motivation.....move on. In time, you'll find someone who loves you for who you are.


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