# NF: The Friendship Pull



## matilda (May 21, 2009)

I've noticed that the people I'm friends with are usually "victims", in that they don't get along well with _"just anyone". _

People would ask me questions like, "Why are you friends with her?" or "Why do you put up with him?".

Just wondering whether this is an NF trait.. :mellow:

So uhh... what type of people do _you_ gravitate towards?


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## Ćerulean (Nov 18, 2008)

matilda said:


> I've noticed that the people I'm friends with are usually "victims", in that they don't get along well with _"just anyone". _
> 
> People would ask me questions like, "Why are you friends with her?" or "Why do you put up with him?".
> 
> ...


I think, universally speaking, I have a huge potential to get along with anyone. I show a lot of empathy towards understanding other peoples' behavior but I can easily define the line between people I can get along with and with people I want to hang out with. I think I typically make good first impressions with people and can determine well enough for myself whether I'd want to hang out with them again. So while I generally get along with all types of people, though there are only a select few I bring into my circle. MBTI in particular has helped me identify what types of people (through typing) I enjoy being around the most. So while I may at times limit my friend base to only a few people, I'm open for new things.


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

I can relate on some levels.

Most of my friends don't get along with each other. And a certain group of outgoing people would always muse at why I am friends with certain people they view as outcast or nerds or geeks. Which is good coz I wouldn't blend the groups anyway. The same way I can't put up with the party-hard people all the time, I wouldn't put up with just being friends with the other type all the time. It doesn't irritate me that the outcasts are outcasts if it is by their choice and they are happy in their chosen positions of society. 

Like I would totally understand if a friend doesn't want to have social fun coz they got a new comic they want to submerge in, but not if they sit out there in the shade musing at society and wishing to be part of it and embracing the hell out of their ennui and their "differences" that is making them "not normal"... I've had multiple cases of befriending someone by a weird meeting and then introducing them to my other friends. I don't require that person to get along with them but whether they do or don't sadly affects the rate we accelerate in our relationship. If they get along with the group, even slowly; it will be easier to find time to get to know them because they will be included. If they are hated or start to dislike the friends that they were introduced to (bear in mind that I try to pick a group that fits their interest) - then it becomes difficult to make time for them except if they are amazing person, which is very rare considering they hated or were hated by my friends.


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## matilda (May 21, 2009)

I love this site..


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## Surreal Breakfast (Oct 24, 2008)

I've had many different types of friends, I don't know how to make friends, mostly all my friends I've had just came up to me and started to be friends with me.


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## SummoningDark (Mar 10, 2009)

I dont make friends easily, however if I happen to have any I tend to be friends with people whom no one else wants to be friends with....they're usually considered to be weird/odd or somewhat batty, but since most people think that of me as well I'd say that's a perfect match.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

I've had this before, yeah. I mostly defend the issue by mentioning the good qualities of those people.

I'm considered 'mature' enough to get myself over those 'odd qualities' those people posses, up to some level. It doesn't mean I flunk on 'other, "more accepted' people though: I'm still into enough versatility to wanna hang out with about everyone who's not a total dickhead or bitch 

Also, I am considered as partially odd as well xD


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## So Long So Long (Jun 6, 2009)

I am not somebody who can get along with just anybody in real life. I learned that from basically day one. I guess I'm too different, or too spacey or too something to most people, but then again around most people I'm usually too quiet for them to even have noticed me. 

I usually go for the outcast-type of people and I've always had a thing for hanging out more so with guys than with girls. It's probably because I've been a tomboy since I could tie my shoes, and dress myself, and speak up for myself. It basically went this way: Girls my age were into Barbie Dolls and pretend make-up and I was into Hot Wheels and basketball, so naturally I went for guy friends instead of girl friends. I even dressed like a guy because it was more comfortable for me and I didn't wanna feel pretty. I just wanted to be one of the guys. 

I will concur with the Victim reference, though as almost every single one of my friends has been a victim of something tragic. I guess in a way I know I can't really help them in the end, but I think that maybe if they have just one more friend it'll be just a little bit better next time anything bad happens. 

I'm really bad at keeping in contact with my friends, though. Like, I'll hang out with them one day and then I won't talk to them again for four or five days and that's always just me shooting them a text message. It's like I can't get too close to them or something. Fear of rejection, maybe. Or, maybe I just need to withdrawal after having hung out with them or something. 

Anyways, I'm getting off topic so I'll shut up now. lol.


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## Kysinor (Mar 19, 2009)

matilda said:


> I've noticed that the people I'm friends with are usually "victims", in that they don't get along well with "just anyone".
> 
> People would ask me questions like, "Why are you friends with her?" or "Why do you put up with him?".


Judging from my past experiences, I'm just about the same. 



> So uhh... what type of people do _you_ gravitate towards?


No specific criteria. However I have a sort of ability / intuition that tells me "this person is a god damn good person!". Hard to describe, but I think you understand what I mean :wink:


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## matilda (May 21, 2009)

skyline said:


> I've had this before, yeah. I mostly defend the issue by mentioning the good qualities of those people.


I forgot to add that, yea. When I do that, though, it almost always comes off as a sort of vindication. Like I have to justify my decision; redeem myself, almost, for doing something that I just _do_. 

I am friendly to the person not because she needs more friends. I am not a martyr; I like the person, and that's that.



Kysinor said:


> No specific criteria. However I have a sort of ability / intuition that tells me "this person is a god damn good person!". Hard to describe, but I think you understand what I mean :wink:


I dooooo. It's almost as if.. well, yeah. I do. :laughing:

I especially appreciate honesty and sincerity. :happy:



So Long So Long said:


> I'm really bad at keeping in contact with my friends, though. Like, I'll hang out with them one day and then I won't talk to them again for four or five days and that's always just me shooting them a text message. It's like I can't get too close to them or something. Fear of rejection, maybe. Or, maybe I just need to withdrawal after having hung out with them or something.
> 
> Anyways, I'm getting off topic so I'll shut up now. lol.



This is me, exactly. :sad:


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## miyabix (Jun 18, 2009)

matilda said:


> I've noticed that the people I'm friends with are usually "victims", in that they don't get along well with _"just anyone". _
> 
> People would ask me questions like, "Why are you friends with her?" or "Why do you put up with him?".
> 
> ...


hehe i relate... its cuz we r NFs.. we UNDERSTAND them and we FEEL for them i think...
i understand how they work (not that i agree that their behavior is good...) & i feel their pain with how everyone doesn't understand them/don't like them much ... i also befriend those ppl cuz the instable/crazy ones im kinda scared of them.. i don't want them to fuck with me! and.. there must be a reason y they are like that, maybe i can help them a little..

i gravitate toward ppl who... understand me! i've been to the bottom of the hole... or close, and some of them are really suffering so i understand... and people who are nice and not insecure (i have too many charity cases who need me already....sadly) and... who make an effort to talk to me... hmmmmmmm

so the above type people... i am nice to them, and i genuinely like them... but i don't trust them with my big secrets...
but.. i don't know if this an NF trait... i can't really keep secrets about myself.. unless it's like bad news, i don't really like to tell ppl cuz i feel it's a burden... of course i tell my best friends everything tho!!


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## matilda (May 21, 2009)

miyabix said:


> but.. i don't know if this an NF trait... i can't really keep secrets about myself.. unless it's like bad news, i don't really like to tell ppl cuz i feel it's a burden... of course i tell my best friends everything tho!!


It might be ENF? :crazy:


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

I have many regular friends, I can say that I'm quiet popular, although that doesn't always means popular in a "positive" way. 

But I tend to get along with everyone who can except me for who I am and vice versa. I can say that the percentage of my close friends is about 2-3% from my regular friends.


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