# ENFP/INFJ Friendships



## Depth of Soul (Jul 25, 2009)

So one of the reasons I joined this forum is to talk to people about a problem I'm currently having with my best friend. I'm reluctant to start a new thread on it right now because I'm such a newbie; I might wait a day or two.

But my best friend is an INFJ, and when I say best friend, I mean best friend. Neither of us ever have any plans to date, so our friendship is almost like what other people would call a relationship (but there's absolutely nothing physical about it). We're extremely close.

We went to middle school together--where we were friends in the same social group, but not best friends--and we didn't become best friends until after I moved away, strangely enough. As a result, we've been long distance best friends for five years now, only seeing each other maybe once a year if we're lucky.

Well, this summer I'm working on my college campus with a number of my college friends, and I paid to fly my INFJ friend up here for 10 days. It's Day 7 and I've started to screw things up royally. I started getting sick of her two days ago because she's so quiet and doesn't interact well with some of my friends (the ones who don't go out of their way to make her feel welcome), and I'm also sick of having her in my room 24/7.

She could tell that this was happening, but we didn't talk about it. I brought it up last night (via a written note, because I couldn't talk about it out loud) and we talked through notes and then through AIM for like 30 minutes, and, I feel, resolved nothing. Then she left because a friend called her and I fell asleep before she came back.

What's scaring me is that we've always talked about being flatmates in the future at some point, but after this visit, I don't know anymore if that would be a good thing. I know this visit isn't indicative of how we would relate as flatmates, but what I wonder is, why ruin a good thing? We're SO CLOSE as long distance friends, and we work so well that way. Why should we try something that would mess that up? I mean, I know this is years in the future, but this is how I feel, and she doesn't understand. She thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

One of the things we talked about was how we interact with others. She has two best friends at her college, and that's it, but they're very close and they hang out a lot. She thought I looked down on that: "I thought you found that totally unappealing, hanging out with the same few people or person all the time."

Me: Therein lies the problem, I believe
I don't tend to do that
I sometimes "look down on it" in order to ensure that I don't do it
I don't like doing it
I'm afraid of doing it if we live together
Or even worse
Not WANTING to
Which would lead to what I said about "ruining a good thing"
Her: Well, someone like me needs that
Me: I know
Her: I don't really have any other options
Me: Which is why I worry that maybe we should forever keep things the way they are

I just wonder if this has more to do with my personality type or more to do with the fact that I'm a selfish asshole.

~Depth


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## kibou (Apr 22, 2010)

aww...did this ever turn out ok??


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## Depth of Soul (Jul 25, 2009)

Awww, thank you for your concern!

It did, in fact, turn out all right. Things were a bit different between us for a few months after that (which was really all my fault but my friend is nothing if not patient with me), but we're completely back to normal now. And the funny thing is that we MIRACULOUSLY both got serious boyfriends this year (as I said in the entry, we NEVER planned on dating), so chances are the question of whether or not we'll ever live together won't ever really be brought up again.

Funniest part of the story: My boyfriend's an INFJ and hers is an ENFP. xD I guess we just know what we like! xD

Thanks for the comment, it made my day! So sweet of you! DD


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## kibou (Apr 22, 2010)

aww, your response is so sweet too! i taste the fellow enfp vibe XD you and your friend are both females, right? i've always been kinda curious what female enfps are like, for some reason most of the enfps i know are male, while for infjs i've met many of both (i think it's because enfps are so good at adapting to the situation it gets hard to tell their type sometimes, other than if they always contradict themselves). 

that's interesting you guys were naturally pulled to that pairing. i find for close friends, i often attract infps and infjs, but in terms of romantic attraction, i tend to consistently go for sps. i think i would have a lot less stress if i was attracted to nfs that way, haha. 

i know in your post you talked more about the differences between you being an extrovert and your friend being an introvert, but have you also noticed differences in the way you think? enfp-infj have the same function order for SNTF, but the direction (I versus E) of each function is reverse. with some infjs, i actually find i appear to be the antisocial one, because the infj friend will VERY strongly show their secondary Fe, and although i'm outgoing because of Fi i find it more exhausting to show overt emotional displays as a way of relating to people, so tend to turn down my energy with those types of interactions. basically it's much easier for me to empathize with people than to sympathize XD


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