# How to tell if your single male friend likes you...



## dulcinea (Aug 22, 2011)

I've seen a lot of females on here wondering if they're guy friend likes them. So here's a set of questions for women to ask themselves before approaching their male friend on this:

1. Are you certain he's not gay?
2. Are you at least moderately attractive (you don't have to be supermodel hot, basically do you have a nice smile, decent hair, a decent figure, and do you smell pretty good)?
3. Does he at least sometimes, if not most of the time, initiate contact?
4. Does he let you confide in him/ commiserate with you/use emojis, give you support, etc.?

If at the answer to at least 2 of the above questions (including question 1) then the answer is possibly.
If at the answer to at least 3 questions is yes, the answer is probably.
If all 4 questions is yes, then 99% chance, he wants to be more than friends; if you're interested in a relationship you should probably say something.

According to studies, in fact, men generally more likely to have romantic interest in their friend than women are, even if their female friend is in a relationship with someone else.
Here's an article on it.


----------



## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

@Wellsy See even scientific american thinks men only want one thing!!


----------



## Sinuous (Jun 18, 2021)

learned the hard way that you should ask them and not put unrealistic possibilities based on what you perceive


----------



## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

My tactic is: date them or reject but keep the friendship.

Are you 100% sure they like you? Do you like them back? If yes to both, ask if they like you, and start something (only if you want to). If yes and no, respectively, start gently letting them down by not giving them false hope and making it obvious you’re not into them romantically. You can keep the friendship that way. I’ve done the latter successfully many times since I tend to have an abundance of male friends. I hate losing a friend just because of romance.


----------



## Whatexists (Jul 26, 2015)

Sheesh... idk about other guys but... like... I actually _like_ being friends with girls. And friendships for me will entail me contacting you to talk at least some of the time (often regularly), and will almost always entail me being willing to provide emotional work and accept emotional work. I'm also heteroflexible, which puts me a long ways on the Kinsey scale from gay. Which means the only remaining point is whether or not she's at least moderately attractive and that is simply not the only factor in whether or not I'm romantically interested in someone. I mean it matters, but like anyone I have personal preferences I gravitate towards when it comes to attractiveness that are more important then your universal appeal. Like, there are plenty of people who are at least moderately attractive in a bigger picture way that I'm just not personally attracted too? Like, even if I think they're pretty (aesthetic appeal) I still might not find them romantically or sexually attractive?

The number of times a girl of moderate or greater attractiveness assumed I was romantically interested because I initiated contact and provided emotional work on the basis of enjoying getting to be friends with her, then either ghosted me because she wasn't interested in me romantically, or asked if I was interested then ghosted me when she found out I wasn't, is frustratingly high.

I guess my point is this: 99% does not equal 100%. That remaining 1% is not 1 in a million. It's one in a hundred and you've undoubtedly met well over a hundred men in your life, probably multiple. Even assuming that's a real statistic, meeting someone who this doesn't apply to is a very real possibility, and it being true on a broad scale ends up meaning very little on a case by case basis because personal values and preferences are what might make it that way so the percentage of the population that is that way might tend to clump in certain contexts. 

Also, "guy" and "girl" are incredibly broad demographics. Any simplistic interpretation of motives across that breadth of demographic is inherently suspect.


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

DOGSOUP said:


> @Wellsy See even scientific american thinks men only want one thing!!


And who are we to argue with acientific american? Nobodies


----------



## SirCanSir (Mar 21, 2018)

They are probably making subtle advances until they are grounded/rejected. I have had friends who maintained that unhealthy focus to someone unavailable, trying to win them over step by step. It usually failed but in certain cases when the girl was unhappy, waiting for the right chance has worked out for them.

Thats why i think setting proper boundaries when unavailable is necessary for women with close male friends. Sometimes the situation goes out of control and they become more vulnerable to advances while they are still "engaged" with someone else when issues exist within their primary relationship. Those issues are less likely to be worked on in such an occasion due to the existence of a convenient outlet.


----------



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I don't really think it's my business to suss out people's feelings outside of whether they are a threat to me. I mean, curiosity is fun, but ultimately it's none of my business.

I think it's kind of shitty that people assume things about other people's feelings--usually they are wrong or at least somewhat ignorant, and normally it's none of their business either.

So thanks but no thanks. If someone "likes me" they can just say so. You know...since adult humans can communicate complex things to each other with words...or actions...or a mix of both.

I do make assumptions sometimes--I'm not an angel, but I really prefer to just let people be individuals rather than thinking of them as some monolith of their gender.

Growing up I always had nosey people guessing at my feelings, and they were generally wrong.


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Men and women cannot be friends because sex like duh


----------



## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

Nope.
I do consider often people as partners on some "instinctual/visceral" level, but I would be behind bars if I acted out each of my desires.
A serious interest in a long-term relationship can't be built just on a whim because you feel like it in the present moment. Or so I think.

*EDIT: *none of my desires revolve around anything illegal in this domain, if my post gave the impression of that, I implied all silly spontaneous desires in general. Everyone has/had them.


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

x


----------



## Allostasis (Feb 2, 2021)

x


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

dulcinea said:


> I've seen a lot of females on here wondering if they're guy friend likes them. So here's a set of questions for women to ask themselves before approaching their male friend on this:
> 
> 1. Are you certain he's not gay?
> 2. Are you at least moderately attractive (you don't have to be supermodel hot, basically do you have a nice smile, decent hair, a decent figure, and do you smell pretty good)?
> ...


The only reason why I would hold back from expressing myself with a woman is because I see no future with them, therefore I'd rather concentrate on the friendship. 

How do you tell a woman that? "I love you, I'm attracted to you, but I can't see us having a future because xyz?"


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

x


----------



## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

Wellsy said:


> Men and women cannot be friends because sex like duh


Because men want capitalism of resources and communism of sex. Women want it the other way around. I was told. Jokingly. Thought you might appreciate this comedic little bit about human nature


----------



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

DOGSOUP said:


> Because men want capitalism of resources and communism of sex. Women want it the other way around. I was told. Jokingly. Thought you might appreciate this comedic little bit about human nature


 I giggled and then overthought what it could mean specifically and am not confusing myself.


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

dulcinea said:


> I've seen a lot of females on here wondering if they're guy friend likes them. So here's a set of questions for women to ask themselves before approaching their male friend on this:
> 
> 1. Are you certain he's not gay?
> 2. Are you at least moderately attractive (you don't have to be supermodel hot, basically do you have a nice smile, decent hair, a decent figure, and do you smell pretty good)?
> ...


Some guys become insecure suddenly while usually they are not. They suddenly care whether they are liked by this girl, and poof...because any other time they don't care what others think.


----------



## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

Even in grade school I would just ask _if I really wanted to know._ Made life easier.

"Hey, I like you. Do you like me?"
"Yeah."
"Great."

or

"Hey, I like you. Do you like me?"
"Nah."
"Oh. Can we still be friends?"
"Sure."
"Cool."

or sometimes no. Whatever. Time to move on.

I know some people really get freaked out by that, or would rather "not know" so they can bask in the possibility, or because it's "more romantic" to make it into a guessing game. To me, there is no point in trying to speculate if it is just about avoiding rejection altogether. 🤷‍♀️



Allostasis said:


> Nope.
> I do consider often people as partners on some "instinctual/visceral" level, but I would be behind bars if I acted out each of my desires.


I'm glad _someone _is willing to admit this.


----------



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Edit: Actually, I don't feel like sharing about that. : p

I'm not going to sticking my nose into if someone's gay or all this. I figure I'm attracted to an adult and they can express their own feelings and boundaries, and if they want they can disclose about their sexuality.

But somehow I still like to read these threads or the ones that are like "how to tell if XXXX type likes you?" But I guess it's usually because I learn about individuals and how they act when they like someone. which seems more helpful than just "guys act this way" or a type does.

As I said--I feel comfortable expressing something sometimes, and they can choose to express something or not. That is their privacy and their responsibility, how they express themselves and what they choose to express. I don't like to assume either way and I prefer when others don't assume things like that about me.

Tbh I find it disrespectful when people make those kinds of assumptions so I don't like to do it to friends. I would rather assume they are not attracted unless they say otherwise, which is generally what I do.


----------



## ButIHaveNoFear (Sep 6, 2017)

I think #3 is a pretty big point, at least in my experience. There is a friend I'm interested in who doesn't initiate that much. And me being a type 9 INFP, *anyone* should be initiating more than me! 😄 I'm glad you made this post because I found it while I was sulking in regards to that guy. After reading this and the article you attached, I'll get over my sulking and just ask him. What's the worst that could happen?

Me: Hey, I like you as more than a friend. Do you like me?
Him: I just like you as a friend. I was at your wedding a year ago and his funeral two months ago. The death of my friend is a horrible shock to me. You must be going through so much. 
Me: I am, yes. Would you like to have sex with me anyway?
Him: 😳 ... _No._ 
Me: Okay. 

...I guess that's pretty bad. Especially when his/our friends find out. I'll keep practicing!


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

dulcinea said:


> wondering if their guy friend likes them.


The answer is simple: no such thing. There ya go. Become a lesbian if you want love.


----------



## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

ENTJudgement said:


> I don't mean myself, I mean men.


Aren't you one?


----------



## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

ENTJudgement said:


> You invite him over for sex, if he accepts then he likes u, if he rejects then he doesn't. Men are so simple and easy to understand.


Do you realize that there are men who live in marriages for over 40 years with women who not only they do not like but really DISLIKE and with whom they have had sex all their lives?
Ok, now substract 40 years and replace it with 2 hours/a single sexual experience.

I think you overestimate men. There are enough specimens that would fuck a tractor tire if their cock size matched that hole.

If I had received 1$ every time I heard a man say "I don't like her but I would still fuck her once" I would have enough to build a diamond tomb for your opinions.


----------



## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

Allostasis said:


> I see. Well, today is your very lucky today then, because I am exactly like that, despite high libido and being hetero. I am not always interested in sex and relationships, I am in charge of my urges.


OP's question was: 
*How to tell if your single male friend likes you...*
This implies shes interested in finding out whether her single male friend likes her, SEXUALLY since he already liked her enough to be her friend (non sexually) so what I said answers this question perfectly.


----------



## SirCanSir (Mar 21, 2018)

ENTJudgement said:


> OP's question was:
> *How to tell if your single male friend likes you...*
> This implies shes interested in finding out whether her single male friend likes her, SEXUALLY since he already liked her enough to be her friend (non sexually) so what I said answers this question perfectly.


Does sexually and romantically mean the same thing in your vocabulary? Im amazed your deduction of the OP lead to this conclusion.


----------



## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

At this point not sure if we are under or over estimating men, but it's probably one of those things


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

dulcinea said:


> do you smell pretty good)?


It's a really weird quota you have to meet I must say.

Anyway, I have a girlfriend (not girlfriend, just a friend) and she told me that "we girls always sense if you're into us or not" which I made out as follows: "I WILL know if you're into me at any given point or not."

You can guess the rest. I currently have a hard time not to think of her, and she probably figured it out. (highlighting features of her I've previously told her I like - the amount of things I've blabbed to her she's probably a master of me, and I don't have a problem with that.)


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

jetser said:


> Anyway, I have a girlfriend (not girlfriend, just a friend) and she told me that "we girls always sense if you're into us or not" which I made out as follows: "I WILL know if you're into me at any given point or not."


Clearly she has not met us dense as fuck Inferior Fe women who need you to basically spell it out very slowly like we're 5.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Hexcoder said:


> Clearly she has not met us dense as fuck Inferior Fe women who need you to basically spell it out very slowly like we're 5.


The point is, when women talk about themselves in plural, _as women,_ they really talk about themselves, singular.
Same with men. When men say we men do this or that, that's just him.
The rest is bullshit.


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

jetser said:


> The point is, when women talk about themselves in plural, _as women,_ they talk about themselves, singular.
> Same with men. When men say we men do this or that, that's just him.
> The rest is bullshit.


You don't think that some of the generalized claims have statistical merit?


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

> How to tell if your single male friend likes you...


Ask him.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Hexcoder said:


> You don't think that some of the generalized claims have statistical merit?


Who knows? I've never seen that statistic, and I only know people. When people want to share information with you they say "this or that", never refer to them in singular.
When in fact when you say, "men are easy" it means you are easy. If you say "women want this or that" it means You want this or that. That's my take on it, anyway.


----------



## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

I am horrible at differentiating this. Guy friends are usually sarcastic and playful. _shrugs_ I think I would have to be hit over the head with it or a direct action of some sort. I have had a few of those with direct action.... blind-sided me aka made a move in a physical way.


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

jetser said:


> Who knows? I've never seen that statistic, and I only know people. When people want to share information with you they say "this or that", never refer to them in singular.
> When in fact when you say, "men are easy" it means you are easy. If you say "women want this or that" it means You want this or that. That's my take on it, anyway.


Sometimes that's true, but I think sometimes not. Anyway, cool.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Hexcoder said:


> Sometimes that's true, but I think sometimes not. Anyway, cool.


Instead of "girls and boys", and "women and men", we should talk about intuitives and sensors, and feelers and thinkers and that stuff.
After all that's why I joined this site.
I trust them more than oldschool categories "women or men" or something else.


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

jetser said:


> Instead of "girls and boys", and "women and men", we should talk about intuitives and sensors, and feelers and thinkers and that stuff.
> After all that's why I joined this site.
> I trust them more than oldschool categories "women or men" or something else.


Another one down the rabbit hole 








Well, there is more of that in the typology section. It'd be a stroke of luck to get that conversation out of me personally. Typology is a pseudoscience. If you want valid shit see Big 5.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Hexcoder said:


> Another one down the rabbit hole
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey, if I'm down in that rabbit hole with Robert D Jr. it's fine.
It's all that I've wanted actually.


----------



## jetser (Jan 6, 2016)

Hexcoder said:


> Another one down the rabbit hole
> 
> 
> 
> ...


And what am I according to you in Big 5?


----------



## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

jetser said:


> And what am I according to you in Big 5?


Big 5 isn't typology. There's no such thing as a type in Big 5.


----------

