# HELP: How do I admit to my mother that I am agnostic?



## ssnowsongs (Oct 9, 2015)

I was a cradle Catholic. And to this day, my family comprises devoted Roman Catholics who go to church every week. When I am home I go with them to church because they think I, too, am Catholic and want to attend church.

Church is starting to make me depressed and stressed out, so *how do I tell my mother* that I no longer want to go to Mass, and that *I can't fully believe in God?*

:frustrating:


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

ssnowsongs said:


> I was a cradle Catholic. And to this day, my family comprises devoted Roman Catholics who go to church every week. When I am home I go with them to church because they think I, too, am Catholic and want to attend church.
> 
> Church is starting to make me depressed and stressed out, so *how do I tell my mother* that I no longer want to go to Mass, and that *I can't fully believe in God?*
> 
> :frustrating:


Are you still living with your mother/family? If not, then I'd just say it's not something you believe in. Try to reverse the situation, ask her to imagine if she wanted to be Catholic in a family that did not agree with this. 

If you still live with your folks... does she have low tolerance to other life choices that aren't her own? What about the rest of the family?


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## puzzled (Mar 15, 2016)

Tell her that you recently started drinking Dr Pepper. She will understand.


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## Tripod (Mar 12, 2016)

Make up some silly excuse for not going to church in that particular week. Repeat that week after week after week.


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## Skeletalz (Feb 21, 2015)

"Hi mom, I no longer want to go to Mass, and I can't fully believe in God"


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

start sacrificing small woodland creatures before church
then ask your mudder if she would like to participate 
then say ''it's only fair mum, i go to church with you''


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

I just complained every time my parents took me to church from the time I could talk. They stopped forcing me to go when I was 16 (they originally planned to take me until 18).

This might have not be the perfect way to communicate my dislike of the church, but the fact is that if you don't communicate it in any way, nothing will change. So, talk about it with your parents.


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## EagerBrad (Mar 15, 2016)

Tripod said:


> Make up some silly excuse for not going to church in that particular week. Repeat that week after week after week.


This is me for the past two years of university. "You should go to church, they're nice people at that church." "You should come with us to church sometime."

I still go when I'm back home though


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Draw pentagrams and stuff all over your room. That's what I would do.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

ssnowsongs said:


> I was a cradle Catholic. And to this day, my family comprises devoted Roman Catholics who go to church every week. When I am home I go with them to church because they think I, too, am Catholic and want to attend church.
> 
> Church is starting to make me depressed and stressed out, so *how do I tell my mother* that I no longer want to go to Mass, and that *I can't fully believe in God?*
> 
> :frustrating:


Just quote scripture about how going to church wont save your butt anyway. You can go to hell a catholic or go to hell an atheist, and either way, your address is the same.

In hell, the drunkard is next to the Catholic saint, both are there because no man is righteous.

If a person hasn't resolved this issue and become born again, they're not in the kingdom. Faith can only happen by knowledge believed from scripture, so children aren't saved by catholic parents, nor are they saved by pew sitting.

The idea is that the lifestyle rubs off on the child and they receive salvation. But that only happens with honesty.

That you're afraid to raise the issue with your parents shows that they guilted you into believing. Being guilt-tripped into fake salvation doesn't work because you're not saved that way.

You wanting to be agnostic is probably your best chance of being saved. If you want to be saved, be bold when you tell your parents. God respects a bold person.

Man, if I don't believe something, I bring my unbelief before God and he deals with it. If you don't have any belief to begin with, tell people. Don't tell them as if you know better, but tell them to be honest.
---------------------------
Scriptures:

*Jesus replied, "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again." *- John 3:3

You aren't born again by water baptism as a baby, you have to believe according to Romans 10:
_*
But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”*_ - Romans 10

Yes, our sins can be forgiven, but forgiveness of sins happens by the blood of Christ, received by faith, not be ritual. God hates ritual.

_*First he said, "Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them"--though they were offered in accordance with the law.*_ - Hebrews 10:8

God doesn't desire you sit in a box and confess your sin, it's useless. God doesn't desire you chew a cracker and drink blood, it's useless.

If you take sacrament without being born again, you're sinning against God and bringing judgement upon yourself and your parents.

*and everything that does not come from faith is sin.* - Romans 14:23

*For if you eat the bread or drink the cup without honoring the body of Christ, you are eating and drinking God's judgment upon yourself.* - 1 Cor 11:29

God is merciful to the ignorant, but learning these scriptures and obeying them is faith. Saying, "I am not going to take sacrament because I do not believe."... is faith because it is true and honest.

We can all wish you had faith, and so you could do these things in faith, but without it a person is dead inside and all the trappings of religion are useless.


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## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

* *




I am an atheist and my husband and in-laws are Catholics.

I have never bothered telling my in-laws that I don't believe in god. They might suspect (me not converting when my husband and I got marries was probably a big clue...), but we do the "don't ask, don't tell" spiel. 
I do go with them to mass when we visit them and when they visit us, since it happens very seldom. I do it out of _politeness_ and that's it.


I'd say that if you don't see your parents very often, it might be possible to go to mass because you want to be polite and respectful to your parents' wishes. This might be the easier path, even though it is obviously not the ideal way to go. (I suspect that it works for me because I don't really have a close, personal connection to my in-laws.)

However, I can imagine that part of what stresses you out is that you feel that you are keeping a part of who you truly are hidden from your parents. By doing this, you are also not true to yourself, which is important to many of us.

If you are expected to go every Sunday, it might be time to say that it doesn't work for you and that it has a negative impact on your well-being. Being polite/keeping the peace by denying your true self on a regular basis is not fair to yourself.




TL;DR 
a) if you can live with mass (periodically and by 'betraying' her): don't tell her. Easy, but not ideal or fair to anyone.
b)if you can't live with it: tell her that you are an agnostic and that pretending to be someone you are not is having a negative impact on your health. The better way to go, since sooner or later it will surface anyway.


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## stormgirl (May 21, 2013)

Just tell her the truth! Anything less than that will only make it worse in the end, and make it harder for you.


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## Riven (Jan 17, 2015)

Join your local communist group, and use that as an excuse, i.e. "religion is the opium of the people".

I'm stuck in the same issue as you are, because I feel like I couldn't commit myself to religion any more (i.e. praying whenever I can because now I'm seeing it as a form of submission and conformity, and abstaining from sinful acts such as masturbation and pornography), hence why I thanked your post. I'm also tempted to blame religion for forming our sexist societies (dude and not a big fan of masculinity here; scan through my previous posts for hints).


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Mother, I do not want to go to church. I'll see you later.


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## 626Stitch (Oct 22, 2010)

You have to say that although you don't agree you still respect them and their views.

It will still be hard but this will help things a little bit.

I don't know how old you are but it's easier to be independent the older you are. Worth keeping in mind if you are young and things are tough now.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Honestly, I think it's going to be a challenge. Really all you can do is to say you don't want to go, and then not go. I don't even know that I would bother addressing your agnosticism unless you feel like you need to share that. 



Razare said:


> Faith can only happen by knowledge believed from scripture, so children aren't saved by catholic parents, nor are they saved by pew sitting.
> 
> The idea is that the lifestyle rubs off on the child and they receive salvation. But that only happens with honesty.


That's not really how Catholicism is supposed to work... Catholics believe that salvation is a gift as well as a process. It is granted by God but also needs to be upkept by the individual. It's not just a kid seeing their parents going to Church and therefore they go to Church and everything is hunky-dory. It's a bidirectional combination of belief in the heart and living a lifestyle that is true to that belief. So for a Catholic, going to Church and keeping the Sabbath is important because it's a demonstration of commitment to living a life centered in faith and because it's an opportunity to participate in Communion.

So while I understand your reasoning, I don't know that it's going to have much sway for firmly Catholic parents. A Catholic may reason that even without faith, at least still participating in the sacraments keeps one's heart closer to the faith than it would be to stray completely.


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## Felipe (Feb 25, 2016)

ssnowsongs said:


> I was a cradle Catholic. And to this day, my family comprises devoted Roman Catholics who go to church every week.


Do as I did when I was 17~18: Start an argument about God's existence until both of you get tired. And that's it. I'm not an anostic-atheist anymore though:tongue:...I think


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## sudo (Dec 8, 2015)

You sound really young so if it would offend her and cause unnecessary conflict you shouldn't disclose it. Your parents don't need to know ever thought and belief you have, do they?

I'd at least wait until you're older if you want to proudly wear the 'agnostic' badge on your sleeve around your religious mother.


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## ssnowsongs (Oct 9, 2015)

Thanks to everyone who responded. I got asked about if I live with my mother and how old I am.

I will soon be 21 so I am an adult, albeit young, but old enough. And I lived somewhere else being openly agnostic, but with circumstances, I had to move back in to her place recently, "having" to hide it again. I hate disappointing her.

I'm thinking about not telling her unless she asks. I mean, I am an adult after all. So I don't need to hide it per-say but I don't need to "come out".


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