# Hard time being sober



## thedazzlingdexter (12 mo ago)

I quit drinking since it was cuasing stomach issues and giving me flashbacks of my childhood. Its been 6 months since I stopped but also I use to sit at bars to either chat with patrons or just the bartender. I also used drinking to destress and now I not sure how to manage it well. What should I do? Also literally no one in this city cards me for anything becuase literally everyone knows me.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Music, video games, movies, exercise, window-shopping...depends on what you like.

Also you can order non-alcoholic drinks at bars.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, I was never a drinker, but I used to go to bars and have non-alcoholic drinks. However, if you fear the temptation to drink, it might not be a good idea. Stomach issues are a good de-incentive; lots of foods cause me discomfort, and I'm not tempted to eat them. 😫

It can be hard to find fun things to do. It might take some experimentation. Start with the things @Saiyed Handsome **** suggested, and see what happens. I recently joined Tandem (a language exchange app) and am enjoying it.


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## Ssenptni (Mar 26, 2021)

thedazzlingdexter said:


> I also used drinking to destress


Stomach issues and flashbacks doesn't sound at all like destressing.

Whatever stress you have, drinking will make it worse, guaranteed.

Gratitude for the stress you've avoided by not drinking is a good place to start.


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## Joe Black (Apr 1, 2015)

Firstly, good on you for deciding to not drink and stay sober.

What's stressing you?

I hope this advice doesn't sound condescending or anything. It's very general in dealing with stress. But the way I see it, you have a few options in how to deal with stress:
a) Avoid it. (procrastinate, run away, entertain yourself, play, distract yourself)
b) Numb it or find relief (alcohol, drugs, cry)
c) Run away from it. Remove it from your life.
d) Deal with it & conquer it.

A&B - The first 2 options are by far the easiest to do, but the stress keeps coming back. The stress will always be there.

C - is an interesting option, but sometimes that stress is a "necessary evil" or unstoppable like terminal illness, death or you're forced against your will. But otherwise you don't ever have to put up with any stress - but you do have to deal with the consequences. 
e.g. Work is stressful? Quit but you'll have to find another way to make income. etc... Brainstorm. Lay out your options. Get creative.

D - is the hardest one to do. It requires getting smart. You do it by figuring it out. Come up with strategies to beat it like a chess master. Figure out a way to over power it. It's not a simple answer. You might need accountability, mentor, counsellor, psychologist. You might need to practice mindfulness. Learn how to manage people. Resolve conflict. Learn skills. Know kungfu, exercise. Build mental fortitude. Manage your time better. Learn productivity. Learn how to learn. Address the issue. You might need to buy the right tools for it. Read how to books. You might need to become more self aware - learn better coping mechanisms - learn how to process emotions - In short... Level the F* up.

Stress in general never really goes away. There's always another one. So becoming stronger is the most sure way to beat any stress. After you've beaten enough stresses, by becoming stronger, and smarter, you'll become a truly great man. 

The stresses that great men have to endure can make weaker men crumble, sweat, panic, despair, stress a tonne. I know because I've seen great men take on far greater responsibility, suffer greater losses, managing far more complex businesses than I am, and still plow through it. I'm in the middle of upgrading myself to get to the next level, and work is very stressful and hard right now. I've certainly come a long way, and still have a long way to go. (Just like many other people).


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## tarmonk (Nov 21, 2017)

Congrats for staying away from bad stuff like alcohol for so long - keep it going!

I've been in similar trap. Are you more concerned about that you may return to drinking again or more about how to deal with stress?

In former case, try to keep yourself busy with various activities as much as you can and avoid known triggers that might make your mind see drinks as a solution. Worst thing with abusive substances is that they turn thought patterns inside out - you see solutions where there are problems and vice versa.

In latter case, some stress is a natural part of life and it does reappear from time to time, there's nothing to do with it but just accept it and find natural ways to deal with it. Try to remember times when you didn't yet drink at all - at younger ages when we were completely sober, we did manage stress somehow, right?  Also keep in mind that the thing with mind numbing stuff like alcohol, is that in long term they do produce more stress on their own than they provide relief - tested and confirmed.


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## CountZero (Sep 28, 2012)

I haven't touched alcohol in 20 years, but it's not hard for me ... I always hated the taste and never liked feeling disoriented and woozy. That said, I also have to deal with stress in life, and there are plenty of other ways to handle it. My goto was always video games; they are wonderful for completely engaging your mind and senses, and problems just drop away...for as long as you can play anyway. Then those issues come back and start gnawing at you again. But the interruption can give you a much needed respite if you're under a lot of strain.

There are other methods that can be of more than just immediate help. For a long time, I found meditation to be a huge help. Talking to a receptive friend is also good for stress relief, especially if they can appreciate what you're dealing with. For me personally, music is also a great way to lift my mood, but not everyone is receptive to its emotional impact.


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

Hope you're still going strong! I'm taking 2022 as a sober year to re-calibrate things, and as a vacation to my liver.

In the beginning I mostly passed the time with video games, and noticing the benefits of sobriety early on really helped. Recently I discovered a store near me sells nonalcoholic microbrews, and I'm set.


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## tarmonk (Nov 21, 2017)

bigstupidgrin said:


> Hope you're still going strong! I'm taking 2022 as a sober year to re-calibrate things, and as a vacation to my liver.
> 
> In the beginning I mostly passed the time with video games, and noticing the benefits of sobriety early on really helped. Recently I discovered a store near me sells nonalcoholic microbrews, and I'm set.


Nice work! I recently took time off from any alcoholic drinks too, hopefully forever, but who knows how it goes in longer term. Among other reasons to do so, one reason was that I didn't like any more how it amplified cognitive (not social) introversion for me.

I found one thing which can change a lot and make things easier, is to not set a deadline - just don't drink today and don't think about it, do something else  Rinse and repeat tomorrow! You'll pretty immediately see how it changes whole mindset - you start to live right here right now every day and make most you can out of the day, not dealing with cravings in mind, waiting for the deadline to come 

Eat well (don't mind if you eat too much in the beginning, you can easily fix potential weight issues later when you're settled in), sleep well (that becomes easier anyway without booze affecting sleep cycles), do drink a lot of water and other drinks. Found myself too that microbrew nonalco beers can be handy (especially now during summer), as when you're used to alcohol, our mind doesn't make much difference if it's just a thirst, hunger or craving for alco - I saw that it's mostly just a wish to drink something cold, carbonated and bit bitter/hoppy and those do the job. Don't actually need the buzz that comes with beers, it's just thirst that makes us think that we need it.

It also helps to think carefully through why we actually want to keep off drinks. It needs to be some solid rock reason to lean on at hard times when we might break and give up by accident. Example: bc it makes us feel bad in the end and causes hangovers, isn't a solid reason to count on, as those symptoms will pass. This devil can't be won by willpower, it needs a good reasoning to keep off it!


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## GusWriter (Jun 13, 2012)

This is easy for me to say because I love exercise, but it is a good de stressor for me. Weight training and running both are good for me. But yeah, if you get to know people who do the same will can chat on runs or inbetween sets.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

thedazzlingdexter said:


> I quit drinking since it was cuasing stomach issues and giving me flashbacks of my childhood. Its been 6 months since I stopped but also I use to sit at bars to either chat with patrons or just the bartender. I also used drinking to destress and now I not sure how to manage it well. What should I do? Also literally no one in this city cards me for anything because literally everyone knows me.


Have you thought about attending meetings? Also exercise, meditation, music, reading. 

If you need to socialize, you might try meetup.org. It lists groups that meet regularly in your area by interests.


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

iammax$7 said:


> Oh firstly when I quitted drinking - I started smoking. Wasn`t the best thing to do, but what is done - is done. Then I decided to quit smoking too and I found another obsession - word games. Now every time I start thinking about drinking or smoking - I just start playing and filling my brain with something else


Not putting you on the spot or anything, it's awesome to make the step of stopping drinking, but I'm curious why people who are quitting a drug switch to smoking. Maybe that's a cliche' and I don't know it. But yeah, switching your brain to something else really helped me.


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## thedazzlingdexter (12 mo ago)

bigstupidgrin said:


> Not putting you on the spot or anything, it's awesome to make the step of stopping drinking, but I'm curious why people who are quitting a drug switch to smoking. Maybe that's a cliche' and I don't know it. But yeah, switching your brain to something else really helped me.


Some people have personalities more prone to addiction.
Also many are using an addiction as a sort of crutch. Its basically a habit they formed to ease unpleasent emotions. So the problem is not that they have an addiction, its that they do not know how to manage the unpleasent things they were trying to cover up initially.


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## bibbidi-bobbidi-boo (3 mo ago)

People smoke because it relieves anxiety. But look at this hunk, who wouldn't smoke with marketing like this:


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

I heard somewhere that tobacco killed more American soldiers in WW2 than actual combat, however I can't back that up with quick Google research. But they definitely packed cigarettes in MREs for a long time. They were also handing out amphetamines like everybody else was.


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## TranscendingEnlightenment (7 mo ago)

Yeah, and smokers that promoted tobacco were making unborn children develop asthma including higher chance of lung cancer, which means shorter life span, during World War 2. Wealthy business owners, basically white men, that sold products for smoking tried really hard to keep that ugly reality based on scientific observation hidden from other people. They cared about getting rich at the expense of people's health, especially children's. MKUltra from the C.I.A. didn't help get rid of the weaponization of drugs, though. The hippie movement was perverted into a C.I.A. psy-op to exploit people with drugs. Which is all why smoking took a long time to become less common, especially when it makes unborn children develop permanent disabilites and lifelong health issues.

Alcohol still remains common despite the mostly negative effects it causes on people's health. A reason why alcohol remains common is because of Jesus Christ turning water into wine. Christianity is common in the Americas and some parts of Europe. Now, I will say Christianity's Bible is misogynistic, rapey, creepy, and violent as hell. Also, Jesus is a degenerate if he turns water into wine. Water is much healthier than wine, which that can be scientifically proven. Wine is a dehydrating depressant that automatically corrupts brain chemicals once consumed while increasing the chance of liver cancer. Water keeps a person better hydrated without corrupting brain chemicals nor increasing their chance of liver cancer. Also, most peaceful countries with healthiest people have the least religious influence. It's not coincidental. Valuing science, gender equality of opportunities, rationality, nutrition, and technological advancement over religion cause those peaceful countries to exist. Instead of praying and drinking wine, most peaceful countries' workers are working to make the world be better. I would say drinking alcohol is a coping mechanism or normalization in corrupt countries where they value profit over people's health. So, they make it hard for people to become sober and quit the habit of drinking alcohol, especially when there are no social safety nets, a developed nation status, or compassionate leaders. You live in AmeriKKKa where profit matters more than compassion. It's harder to become sober in a cut-throat place like that when getting drunk as a coping mechanism beomes easier. Especially when AmeriKKKa's sociopathic rulers normalize the stigmatization of mental health issues. Which dehumanizes working class Americans who are suffering. So, they end up drinking alcohol as coping mechanism because their country's sociopathic rulers don't give them much options to live peacefully.


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## TheCosmicHeart (Jun 24, 2015)

thedazzlingdexter said:


> I quit drinking since it was cuasing stomach issues and giving me flashbacks of my childhood. Its been 6 months since I stopped but also I use to sit at bars to either chat with patrons or just the bartender. I also used drinking to destress and now I not sure how to manage it well. What should I do? Also literally no one in this city cards me for anything becuase literally everyone knows me.


Take up martial arts or something , that's what I'm planning to do as I'm hoping it'll in someway help improve my mental health or at least give me some sort of exercise each week... maybe it might work for you too


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