# Lessons learnt



## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

I hate the fact that Socionics makes us so fucking tribal. This thread is dedicated to discussing POSITIVE things about experiences with people from different quadras; like what you learnt after being trapped in a lift with your arch enemy for over 24 hours, etc. 

....Who will go first? :shocked:


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

I guess, seeing as nobody else responded, I probably should.

Fuck me. XD

Okay, let's do this!

I'm ignoring anything Gamma. I feel like the toughest lessons I have learnt have come from close interactions with other quadras.

Let's elabroate....

ALPHA: I have to start with this quadra, seeing as they are my cognitive opposites. My mother is an ESE, so I guess this is where my journey begins, (que dramatic music). I'm not really sure where the fuck to draw the line between the mother daughter "relationship" and Socionics interype relations. According to theory, my mother and I fall into the "quasi-identical" category. In many ways this definition has helped me in interpret certain dynamics between us. But seriously. It means jack shit in the grand scheme of things. Cognitively, it does the job; but emotionally....spirtually? 

No. It falls short.

Rule number 1; don't let a theory dictate reality. 

Let's move on.

One of my best mates at Uni was an SEI. Honestly. I had no fucking clue where she was coming from 95.5% of the time; but I respected her for respecting *me. *She just let me get on with it. Not many people do this, so I really was very thankful and appreciative of the fact the she did. Man, I could sit here and type out a whole essay about how amazing I thought she was. Kind of annoys me now that on this forum I feel pressured into illustrating what divides instead of what unites us. 

...(Might be because I'm a paranoid nutbag though) 


I'm going to leave it at that for now. I have some stuff to say about Delta and Beta too. I've met some awesome individuals from each group. As much as Socionics has helped me; sometimes I just want to scream "fuck it."

As far as I'm concerned we are all fucking humans, anyway.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Kintsugi said:


> I hate the fact that Socionics makes us so fucking tribal. This thread is dedicated to discussing POSITIVE things about experiences with people from different quadras; like what you learnt after being trapped in a lift with your arch enemy for over 24 hours, etc.
> 
> ....Who will go first? :shocked:


lol, contrary to many of my posts on this forum, I do have positive experiences with people from different quadras. Just that I don't have a strong inclination to mention them because they aren't as funny to talk about <_<

I have a currently lukewarm relationship with an EII. Apparently she was organizing to go to the local theme park this weekend but I didn't get an invitiation  I feel we've fallen off a lot lately though, like when we meet there's nothing to talk about anymore so I don't know. She has her Si hobbies and while I admire them a lot and I support her, it's just not something I can share. It's difficult. With me, I guess it's the same thing for her. We just got different interests even though we also have things in common.

I used to speak to an ILE for a while who lives in India. It was all right as long we didn't try to discuss anything intellectual at which point it kind of went to hell because it felt like we always wanted to pull in opposite cognitive directions in how to understand X phenomenon. I don't think we ever really clicked that well though on a deeper level. 

I think one of my better childhood friends during school was an LSI. She certainly fit the ST stereotype like when we had lab work in physics and our teacher told us to build robots and such (yes, our teacher was likely an LSI too lol). Whereas I just utterly failed at even understanding how to connect the bloody cables I admired how she always understood it with such ease. She always got the best scores in class on these particular exercises but ironically failed at everything else. We had a lot of interests in common and it was always interesting to discuss common interests with her though we definitely approached things differently. In the end I felt a big issue was that she had different life goals and aspirations I couldn't understand. She was happy with a "simple" life of becoming a truck driver. Big dreams wasn't her thing and she did a lot of personal sacrifices for her family. 

Most of my childhood friends have been Fe types for good and for bad. I spent a lot of time with my SLE cousin and we have been good and bad friends in waves lol. We never really developed a close relationship though and I wonder if that's ultimately because of that Fe-Fi divide. We have a different idea of what intimacy means in the first place. Our common friend is very obviously an Fe type though I have difficulties placing what quadra she belongs to. I lean alpha because of how well she connected to someone who seemed to be an IEE at a party we were both present at.

Then there's my dad, the LII 9. I like my dad though he's kind of very flappable and doesn't take up much space at all. It's easy to forget he's even there. He just melts into the background completely, though I have been told I do the same thing. In a sense, dad and I are very similar to each other. During my childhood he was my hero and I looked up to him a lot. He was also rarely at home and I didn't see him much and definitely not as often as I wanted to, so I was definitely daddy's boy in a sense. I think both he and I always wanted to have a strong parent-child relationship but none of us really know how to do it. Fucking ethics in super-id <_< 

But yeah, despite being opposite quadra and quasi-identical I respect my dad a lot. He definitely plays a large role into who I am today for good and for bad. I have also noticed stupid quirks I have picked up from him like frowning or giggling this way he does it too.

I also think one of my old dates was a beta ST though I am not sure. It's difficult typing people off memory.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

I find that I want to strangle people in my own quadra more frequently than I do people in other quadras (I wonder why that is). I think the intertype descriptions do explain why conflict occurs, but differences in cognition only mean that different communication strategies need to be implemented. I thrive better in environments where obvious challenges present themselves since I'm forced to be creative in finding ways to circumvent the obstacles. Smoother communication is stagnant and quite stale to me, which is probably why the concept of duality has little appeal to me. I've learned quite a lot from an internet LIE friend and my LSE mother. What I respect the most about the LIE is that he is very brutally honest with me and actually forces me to consider a mental perspective outside of my own when it comes to trying to get my shit together. He constantly stresses the importance of having some kind of ultimate, sharp focus on some central idea, theme, or goal whenever I talk to him, and I'm finally starting to realize what he was talking about. 

I've come to realize that I also have a lot more in common with my LSE mother than I first realized. Though I think some of the things she focuses on make little sense to me, we have a similar approach to dealing with people and handling the necessary tasks needed to be done. I probably developed my self-sufficient, self-preservationist, and "business-like" attitude from her if anything.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

I'm fairly sure I'm IEE (98%) :3 and I get along with everyone. I can make even difficult relationships work (don't ask me how). INTps are more difficult thou.

Here on the forums I have had some good relationships with Betas and Gammas. I also seem to be more Alpha-ish then delta (its odd). Imo IEEs are less F-ish and more Te-ish, more realistic, less idealism.

 I don't see how intertype relationships work ffs! Other factors seem more important to me.

My ESE mother sometimes annoys me with her drama and emotionalism / whining, but we still get along really well ...


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

Ananael said:


> I find that I want to strangle people in my own quadra more frequently than I do people in other quadras (I wonder why that is). I think the intertype descriptions do explain why conflict occurs, but differences in cognition only mean that different communication strategies need to be implemented. I thrive better in environments where obvious challenges present themselves since I'm forced to be creative in finding ways to circumvent the obstacles. Smoother communication is stagnant and quite stale to me, which is probably why the concept of duality has little appeal to me. I've learned quite a lot from an internet LIE friend and my LSE mother. What I respect the most about the LIE is that he is very brutally honest with me and actually forces me to consider a mental perspective outside of my own when it comes to trying to get my shit together. He constantly stresses the importance of having some kind of ultimate, sharp focus on some central idea, theme, or goal whenever I talk to him, and I'm finally starting to realize what he was talking about.
> 
> I've come to realize that I also have a lot more in common with my LSE mother than I first realized. Though I think some of the things she focuses on make little sense to me, we have a similar approach to dealing with people and handling the necessary tasks needed to be done. I probably developed my self-sufficient, self-preservationist, and "business-like" attitude from her if anything.


I love conflict. Unfortunately my SO is my dual which makes it harder for me to create drama.

Damnit.

I think I'm bored because its too easy to communicate with him; but at the same time I've been in my fair share of relationships where communication was awful and I definitely have _no _desire whatsoever to experience that again.

Not sure what I want anymore.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Kintsugi said:


> Not sure what I want anymore.


Ease of comunication in realtionship, conflict and exitement outside of it.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

FreeBeer said:


> Ease of comunication in realtionship, conflict and exitement outside of it.


Yeah, this sounds about right.

There is also BDSM.


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## Dragheart Luard (May 13, 2013)

FreeBeer said:


> I'm fairly sure I'm IEE (98%) :3 and I get along with everyone. I can make even difficult relationships work (don't ask me how). INTps are more difficult thou.


It can be a bit difficult, but it isn't impossible. Even if I had some bad surprises with my IEE friend, specially when she looked me down because I left biochemistry, we still get along and she can shoot some interesting ideas, plus I can be blunt and she won't be annoyed. In fact my EII mom complains that we are too sardonic when we're talking about random topics, but yeah, Fi bases can judge too quickly before knowing why we have such kind of communication in the first place.

I'm pretty much sure that I've met mostly people from other quadras and I had no much troubles for getting along if I had some common interest with them, that is both IRL and online, but as I don't know something more accurate, it will be futile to comment about their quadras until I figure out that part.


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## Zero11 (Feb 7, 2010)

FreeBeer said:


> I'm fairly sure I'm IEE (98%) :3 and I get along with everyone. I can make even difficult relationships work (don't ask me how). INTps are more difficult thou.


And you didn´t know you were an Extravert. :laughing:


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Zero11 said:


> And you didn´t know you were an Extravert. :laughing:


I still consider myself socially introverted and don't enjoy socializing for the sake of it or just talking about superficial stuff because I get bored. :\. But yeah, cognitively I'm sort of extroverted and I gain energy through interacting and external stimulation.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Kintsugi said:


> Yeah, this sounds about right.
> 
> There is also BDSM.


:O not you too! <.< damn I'm so vanilla. How come Ni-Se users are into those powerplays? My IEI ex is very into it as well.

O_O crap...double post...


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

FreeBeer said:


> :O not you too! <.< damn I'm so vanilla. How come Ni-Se users are into those powerplays? My IEI ex is very into it as well.


does that mean most si-ne users are not? 

Anyway, it's interesting to see how well my experience matches up with the intertype relations or not, but I definitely wouldn't go out of my way to base my interactions on that. 

I'm not really sure what to type most people anyway. It's hard enough to type myself with complete certainty.

My mom tends to annoy me, but I don't know if it's because we don't share cognition. Could just be a daughter-mother thing. It does seem rather typical that there's some conflict there. 

I do try to tolerate most people, at least. Even if it doesn't always work.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

FreeBeer said:


> :O not you too! <.< damn I'm so vanilla. How come Ni-Se users are into those powerplays? My IEI ex is very into it as well.
> 
> O_O crap...double post...


I don't think every Ne-Si user has to be vanilla and every Se-Ni user into that stuff. With that said, yes, the idea does appeal to me too though it took time for me to see that. I just had to really consider it lol.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Kintsugi said:


> I love conflict. Unfortunately my SO is my dual which makes it harder for me to create drama.
> 
> Damnit.
> 
> ...


I prefer pacifying or diffusing conflict/drama. Not only do I get the daily dose of discord that I seek, but I can put a stop to it if I want to. I think communication issues often arise as a result of a lack of reciprocity if anything. Both parties have to do their part if the relationship is going to yield anything. Even though I find myself to be very dismissive and generally easy-going when it comes to relationships with people, I don't want to bother with someone who is too stubborn to pull their head out of their ass. 

Haha, consider it trial and error. You'll figure out what you want at some point. But look at the upsides and benefits of the relationship though and maybe that could help you decide.

/positivism



FreeBeer said:


> :O not you too! <.< damn I'm so vanilla. How come Ni-Se users are into those powerplays? My IEI ex is very into it as well.
> 
> O_O crap...double post...


Haha, power plays seem fun though. I just need someone worth the time to help me live out the fantasies. :wink:


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

This forum just hard-trolls me but I have to admit that from time to time completely alternative views have provided me with another lens.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

Helios said:


> I prefer pacifying or diffusing conflict/drama. Not only do I get the daily dose of discord that I seek, but I can put a stop to it if I want to. I think communication issues often arise as a result of a lack of reciprocity if anything. Both parties have to do their part if the relationship is going to yield anything. Even though I find myself to be very dismissive and generally easy-going when it comes to relationships with people, I don't want to bother with someone who is too stubborn to pull their head out of their ass.
> 
> Haha, consider it trial and error. You'll figure out what you want at some point. But look at the upsides and benefits of the relationship though and maybe that could help you decide.
> 
> /positivism


I admit I've got some pretty significant emotional dysregulation issues which might explain my attraction to conflict. For the first time in my life I am actually forcing myself to face up to this shit because I genuinely think the relationship I'm currently in is worth it.

I'm _all _about trial and error. I think I know what I want, I just like making things harder for myself because I love a good challenge/struggle - it makes me feel alive. 

I just hope my other half knows what he's got himself in to.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

Kintsugi said:


> I'm _all _about trial and error. I think I know what I want, I just like making things harder for myself because _*I love a good challenge/struggle - it makes me feel alive.*_
> 
> I just hope my other half knows what he's got himself in to.


Agreed to the bolded.


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