# How do you work out who you really are?



## LostTheMarbles (Mar 4, 2012)

I've been looking into this recently and I think I need to keep going and work out who I really am and where I really stand.

I really need a better understanding of myself, I think it might be the key to me gaining self confidence and removing all these doubts I have about myself. I just don't know how to go about learning about myself, I see myself as far too chaotic.

ADHD doesn't help but I'm looking to get treatment for that soon enough and get it at least somewhat out of the way.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

I doubt there is such a thing as a "real" me... I tend to believe something along these lines...


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## RaidenPrime (Aug 4, 2012)

Maybe try a weekend without internet, phone, and spend an entire day out in say a forest, then write down everything that comes to mind? Then when you are doing your everyday daily thing, if you start questioning yourself, read what you wrote down during your day in solitude?


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## LostTheMarbles (Mar 4, 2012)

demigod said:


> Maybe try a weekend without internet, phone, and spend an entire day out in say a forest, then write down everything that comes to mind? Then when you are doing your everyday daily thing, if you start questioning yourself, read what you wrote down during your day in solitude?


I tried similar when I was doing the Abel Tasman trek in New Zealand, one day on my own was enough to drive me pretty much insane, I need stimulation either from people or information sources or my mind just goes a bit mad.


The reason I'm asking is because this year's been a bit of an intense one when it comes to personal development, I've thrown myself out of my usual comfort zone and forced myself to develop, now I'm just kind of left in limbo without a real understanding of who I am.

It's almost like a bit of a mid life crisis, I'm nearly 30 and I've started questioning everything I know about myself.

*One year ago:
*I was a Software Engineer, I spent 40-80 hours a week at work and the rest of the time I'd be at home locked away in my room watching TV, pretty much addicted to World of Warcraft, I wouldn't even socialize with the people I lived with and I didn't really have any friends that I'd talk to on a regular basis. The only time I went out drinking was with work parties (When they were paying) and with a small group of friends who were all 15 years older than me and had nothing in common with me.

One psychologist I met (not professionally) described me as a Type A personality, it wasn't uncommon for me to try and knock (Not physically) people out of my way at work if I saw them as an obstacle, I was quite arrogant, I knew I was better than most people and sometimes I used that as a weapon to get my own way. I was completely logical, I knew what I wanted and I'd force my way there with pure logic.

I'd score INTP on the tests and quite a lot of people would probably agree with that.

*Now:
*I believe I'm much more like the description of an ENFP, I like helping people, I go as far as I can to avoid making people feel bad (Even if I don't like them) and would do anything to protect my friends.


See, it's hard to tell who I am now, things have changed so much over the last year.

One thing that's started me questioning myself is that a few people I really care about have been telling me to just be myself and stop pretending to be someone else, it kind of gets me questioning if they can see something in myself that I can't, maybe they can see my old rude self or maybe they think I'm pretending for some other reason?


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## Schweeeeks (Feb 12, 2013)

http://personalitycafe.com/general-psychology/145888-how-develop-introspection.html for more ideas.

Edit: Letting go of the NEED to define yourself might help.
All of these words slowly turn into labeling parts of yourself and filing them in some orderly manner of "who you are", but it's farce. You are not ONE thing. You are not static. You are constantly changing. Without realizing it, you might assume a rigid identity and cause yourself unnecessary strife when you adapt to changing circumstances. (aka oh no I'm being phony). 
Everyone is different. Just remember moderation. Finding "you" may SEEM like what you're supposed to do, but who knows if it is really the answer to all of your questions.


Also sometimes people get nervous when they see someone they care about acting differently. Do what feels right. If you feel okay acting this way, then you should continue. True friends will stay. As long as there is a bond of trust and caring, that's all one should really need.


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## Laguna (Mar 21, 2012)

I would suggest addressing the ADHD seriously and asap. I do not advocate drugs- but whatever options are available to you- look at them. I say this because of I have an older relative who I suspect suffers from ADHD and never treated for it. Their life could have been so much better.  Once you can focus--- things will become clearer to you. Good luck!


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## Apdenoatis (May 23, 2012)

@Moop is right that you need to let go of the need to slap labels on yourself. It's a self-defeating practice.

Figuring out who you are isn't something done overnight or during an all-to-yourself weekend. It's something you slowly piece together after months, sometimes years. It's not something figured out with personality models and types. It's something you come to terms with over time. 

Who you truly are comes from your actions in different situations as life throws you different obstacles. It's also reflected in those truly dear to you and in the things important to you, and your values are reflected in the kind of person you want to be and become. It's really that simple. You just need time to watch and observe yourself so you can understand yourself better.

And you know, self-confidence isn't necessarily knowing who you are. It's being embracing who you are regardless of who you are or whether or not you even know who you are, and being okay with it all either way. It's believing in your ability to do things while knowing your limits, strengths, and weaknesses.

So don't force it, haha. Let it come, take it easy, and enjoy life and the ride and embrace the uncertainty.


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## Flatlander (Feb 25, 2012)

@_LostTheMarbles_ -

Forget about labels for a moment. Forget about all the typing systems that exist. How would you define you?

What does it even mean to define "who you really are"?

What is "you"?

The thing with doubts is that you need to take your own path to resolve them. This is a matter of introspection or research; there is no set method, though questions like the above are the kind of thing I use because they get me thinking about what it is I'm really trying to do, which helps me. I don't know if it'll help you, but you might as well try - get your brain working on defining your terms, and perhaps in the process you will answer your own questions.


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## Chaerephon (Apr 28, 2013)

Type Mindfulness Meditation into Google and you should get some results.


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## MelBel (May 25, 2013)

There are many natural remedies to safely and healthfully fix your mood. One of those things is krill oil. That's one of the best ways i beat dpression due to health issues. ADD I have improved for myself, also improving my diet and again suppliments. They really do work, and are worth the investment. My life has gotten so much better since i started talking better care of myself. I hope you find your solution. I totally relate to your feelings, and it's painful to go through it. I still have those issues, but much less than before. I hope you get the peace your'e searching for very soon! Please keep us up to date on your journey.


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## LostTheMarbles (Mar 4, 2012)

Thanks for all the input, I've been thinking about it all over the last few days and come to a conclusion.

I'm quite happy with who I am, I just let people get into my head far too easily, I've got to accept that there are people I naturally won't get on with and people that really can't handle me, I just to stop caring too much about what they think and stop trying to make everyone happy.

The problem's come from one specific person recently, unfortunately I trusted her and didn't realise that the problems were with her rather than with me.

So, here's a bit of my conclusion as to who I am, I'm not even going to try being modest at this point:

I am a nice person, maybe even too nice, I'll do anything to make my friends happy, I even take on their problems as my own.
People generally love me for the way I act, how polite and how kind I am, I can't actually imagine anyone seeing me any different, the fact my "friend" persuaded me different kind of shows how bad her life is, unfortunately that makes me feel bad for her rather than good about myself.
People like my outwardly confident personality, I can make anyone feel welcome and safe around me, people trust me almost instantly and I never betray that trust.
I'm protective of my friends even if they don't appreciate or want it, in the past I've put myself in danger without even thinking when I felt a friend was at risk.


I'm very patient with people I like, I put up with their quirks and even appreciate them for what they are.
I'm very logically strong (Maybe beyond the point of being an ENFP), I see problems from a weird perspective and I'm always going to try and fix them, I'm not the type to sit back and just accept things the way they are.
I have a very strong set of morals, even when I've tried I can't cross certain lines.
My intelligence is definitely my strongest attributes, I try hard not to force it on people but I'm always thinking, my friends understand how much my intelligence means to me and they trust my judgement.
My second strongest attribute is my passion towards things I care about, either people, goals or causes. Nothing gets in my way when I'm motivated and looking to get something done, I'll do anything for my friends and never ask anything in return.
I do have weaknesses and quirks but I'm the first to accept them, I don't hide them, I'm quite happy to be open about them and work around them.
ADHD probably does affect my life a lot more than I appreciate so I will seek treatment as soon as possible. I really wish I could slow down when I'm talking to someone or facing a problem, impulsivity is killing me at the moment, not sure if I'll be able to fix that.

There may be other questions I can ask myself later but for now I'm quite comfortable with who I am.

There are other things I've got to look at though, I've got to learn to trust my instinct and maybe get close to understanding my feelings, at the moment I think that maybe I am suffering from depression and am a bit neurotic, I don't really understand how close my friends are to me and how much I can trust them. My emotions are running a bit wild at the moment, I need to reign them in and get them under control again.

I've got job interviews all of this next week, hopefully something will come from them and I can start settling down enough to put my life back together, start going to the Gym again, eating properly, find some friends and my biggest goal is to find a nice girl who'll understand me and stick with me.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Well, I find researching psychology, speaking to mixed personalities, volunteering, reading much, therapy and socialising with true friends helps one define whom they truly are as a person... have most of all I have intermittent periods every few years where I self isolate without escapisms or distractions to develop a deeper sense of my negative sides to work on too...


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## sentilopis (Dec 13, 2010)

What you think of yourself is your own business.

What you are to the world is discovered through interacting with it via action.


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