# So what's with sex?



## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

It's fuckin' weird.

And I just really feel like I'm missing something that other people have.

The ONLY time I'm sexually interested in someone, is if I'm in love with them. Which hardly happens. That or drunk, but that doesn't count.

But it's so strange. Whenever people come on to me, they say really raunchy things and they MEAN them. And it just completely freaks me out. Like they really really REALLY want my cock in their mouth. Or something. And that is so fucked up for me. Like I just don't understand how people can lust for something like that so strongly. It's crazy to me. It's just like watching a dog in heat fucking a couch. It's just this crazy inert animalistic urge that takes people over, and it's nuts to me. 

Don't get me wrong. I have a sex drive. I jay off just as much as the next guy. And date and things. And like it's enjoyable for SURE haha. But it's just like... I don't know.

Something seriously irks me about it though.

What do you guys think about sex and the way it functions for people?


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Well come on you are surrounded by ESTs most likely while out at clubs. You are INTP which doesn't make it any easier. You guys don't get out there and flirt or talk dirty in general. You have an uphill battle.


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Oh yea for sure I need booze for clubs hands down. Haha.

But even within my life. Like my room mates. One in particular. We're all very good friends and very close, but they're all esfp/enfp. And they REALLY like sex, and they really like me. So they get so frustrated at me that we're so close and I'm not interested in fucking them.

It's annoying. But I understand that they got something I don't, so I don't hold it against them. It's just...very odd to me. 

Sex is weird. A part of me kind of thinks it's bad for humanity. But not completely, so nobody jump down my throat.


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## Psilo (Apr 29, 2009)

I feel the same way. I'm glad someone started a topic. 

I assumed for the longest time I had no sex drive. It just doesn't come out without a relationship first. 

I just can't relate to people who are on a constant search for sex. I really don't ever think about it and don't look if I'm not getting it. I feel so out of place when I realize how sex powered society can be sometimes. 

I didn't get crushes in school and I never check out the guys. Flirting typically goes over my head and I find myself frequently apologizing for leading someone on which I didn't know I was doing. 

The idea just seems so foreign to me. I don't understand how the act is the ultimate bonding experience most people treat it as. I'm always more excited to lie close with a loved one and talk.


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## hopeseed (May 27, 2009)

I think what you guys are talking about is pretty normal. Everyone is different about sex and their drive for it. I would say a lot of people feel like they cannot get that interested in sex unless they are in love with the person. I might get turned on by numerous things at random moments, but those are erges and drives, being in love and a persons heart and mind is a bigger turn on than any meaningless attraction, for sure. I would say, not to feel bad or like there is something wrong with you, that is just how you are and everyone's different.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

I have a somewhat related question for everyone. First, I'll provide some background. 
Some of you are aware that I have certain feelings for a very close friend of mine, but what you wouldn't know is how I came to have these feelings. He has been my friend for over a year (maybe even close to two years), and we've been close friends for at least nine months. For a while, I didn't consider him because he's gay. Obviously, it would be a waste of time for me to fall for him because he wouldn't be able to return my affections in full. However, after one night of playing around, I found myself rather aroused by him. It wasn't exactly sex, but the situation certainly had strong sexual overtones, or so I thought. Afterwards, I couldn't help but begin to see him in a rather romantic sense. It seems rather like the *facial feedback hypothesis* in emotional psychology. Is this generalizable to any physiological event? That is, can any sort of physical action cause a corresponding change in emotion? I could only have intimate relations with someone I know and love, so the reasoning would be "Since I am aroused by him, know him, and am already quite attached to him, I must be in love." Has this happened to anyone else?


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## carolina24 (May 8, 2009)

You are my hero! I feel they same way!


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

So I'm _not_ the only one who feels this way...roud:.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

I'm assuming you two are addressing Kevinaswell?


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Nightriser said:


> I'm assuming you two are addressing Kevinaswell?


Yeah, I was addressing him in the response, but I can somewhat kindasorta relate to what you said. I never "played around with her," but I was just laying down on the grass right next to my best friend at the time, and I was never really sexually attracted to her, but we kinda just looked at each other deeply in our eyes and something went on within me that seemed to sexually attract me to her. Not sure, but maybe it's related to what you were experienced?

After you "played around," did you find yourself sexually attracted to most people in general or just him?


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## DeadDove (May 28, 2009)

Yeah, I know where you are coming from...no pun intended. But anyhow, yeah its because the act of sex is so primitive and you have trained yourself to be educated and more sophisticated. As a former INTP that's been there...dude...GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT! Go out with some crazy chicks that "know things" and get in touch with the primitive animal you were meant to be...then learn how to control "the beast" and thank me later.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> Yeah, I was addressing him in the response, but I can somewhat kindasorta relate to what you said. I never "played around with her," but I was just laying down on the grass right next to my best friend at the time, and I was never really sexually attracted to her, but we kinda just looked at each other deeply in our eyes and something went on within me that seemed to sexually attract me to her. Not sure, but maybe it's related to what you were experienced?
> 
> After you "played around," did you find yourself sexually attracted to most people in general or just him?


Just him. And yes, that sounds similar. Wow, "played around" looks really dirty when in quotation marks. Then again, it doesn't sound nearly so sexual as a literal description of what happened. 

DeadDove, different people have different views of sex. Some have your philosophy and some genuinely find it difficult, if not impossible, to be aroused in any situation involving someone one isn't otherwise attracted to. What you suggest seems like telling a gay man or lesbian woman to just be straight. It goes against that particular person's instinct. Not everyone will appreciate the approach you suggest.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

I find myself sexually aroused by women I have feelings for in a different way than I'm sexually aroused by women in general; but I can't say that I never desire to have "no strings attached" sex.

Nightriser, I wonder if the fact that your friend is gay (and I assume you don't mean bi-sexual) somehow disarmed your emotional barriers and made you more vulnerable to him because you knew you couldn't have him, and he wouldn't try to use you for his own benefit.

I've heard that pickup artists sometimes claim to be gay as a "negative-disqualifier" when hitting on women because a woman will disregard his flirtatious behavior under the false belief that he is sexually uninterested. Only after he has spent a considerable amount of time disarming her and gaining her interest does he reveal that he's not actually gay at all. Apparently, it works on some women.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Maybe it has to do with projection. When I think that everyone has the characteristics of the one im looking for.....then I may be turned on by everyone. Personally ....my sex drive tends to leave when I realize how many people don't possess the characteristics I am looking for.

Oh and....there is something alluring about having sex with someone who you dont know....because you could pretend they are someone they arent. Thats what porn does.....it gives you a person to project your anima/animus on to.


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## DeadDove (May 28, 2009)

Nightriser said:


> Just him. And yes, that sounds similar. Wow, "played around" looks really dirty when in quotation marks. Then again, it doesn't sound nearly so sexual as a literal description of what happened.
> 
> DeadDove, different people have different views of sex. Some have your philosophy and some genuinely find it difficult, if not impossible, to be aroused in any situation involving someone one isn't otherwise attracted to. What you suggest seems like telling a gay man or lesbian woman to just be straight. It goes against that particular person's instinct. Not everyone will appreciate the approach you suggest.


Point noted. But like I said I feel like I've viewed sex the same way when I was younger. For me personally when I finally "Got over myself," and learned to turn off what was in my head that I was able to get over what was a substantial barrier which led to interacting within society completely different from how I had in the past. Anyhow, its the first "beach night" of the year, and I'm running late. Later.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

Shadow said:


> Nightriser, I wonder if the fact that your friend is gay (and I assume you don't mean bi-sexual) somehow disarmed your emotional barriers and made you more vulnerable to him because you knew you couldn't have him, and he wouldn't try to use you for his own benefit.
> 
> I've heard that pickup artists sometimes claim to be gay as a "negative-disqualifier" when hitting on women because a woman will disregard his flirtatious behavior under the false belief that he is sexually uninterested. Only after he has spent a considerable amount of time disarming her and gaining her interest does he reveal that he's not actually gay at all. Apparently, it works on some women.


No, I don't mean bisexual. I've considered this possibility. At times, he does seem to be hitting on me, and he has suggested that it is possible that he is bisexual, that he just hasn't met the right girl to be attracted to. But it's difficult to tell if he's joking around, especially for someone as inexperienced as myself. However, I have also fallen for heterosexual and bisexual men, though never in the same way. There was a bisexual male friend I had previously whom I had fallen for. The common theme in both situations was that I felt safe with both of them, regardless of their sexuality. Both gave me a sense of having a kindred spirit whom I could confide in.


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Nightriser said:


> I have a somewhat related question for everyone. First, I'll provide some background.
> Some of you are aware that I have certain feelings for a very close friend of mine, but what you wouldn't know is how I came to have these feelings. He has been my friend for over a year (maybe even close to two years), and we've been close friends for at least nine months. For a while, I didn't consider him because he's gay. Obviously, it would be a waste of time for me to fall for him because he wouldn't be able to return my affections in full. However, after one night of playing around, I found myself rather aroused by him. It wasn't exactly sex, but the situation certainly had strong sexual overtones, or so I thought. Afterwards, I couldn't help but begin to see him in a rather romantic sense. It seems rather like the *facial feedback hypothesis* in emotional psychology. Is this generalizable to any physiological event? That is, can any sort of physical action cause a corresponding change in emotion? I could only have intimate relations with someone I know and love, so the reasoning would be "Since I am aroused by him, know him, and am already quite attached to him, I must be in love." Has this happened to anyone else?


I've been on the opposite side of this situation, so I think I got some insight. I couldn't even count the number of lady friends I've had that have tried to advance it to something beyond that >.< Which is not meant to imply any type of arrogance, cuz boy do I not ask for it. The resulting conversations are always so annoying >.< Anyhow. Were you drunk? During this incident? Cuz that matters. Gay guys always get drunk and make out/get dirty with their lady friends >.< It's just fun. Iunno. Probably just cuz it's such an obvious badass benefit because the rest of the world holds women on such crazy sexual pedestals, and we're just all "what's up?" and liking boys so all of a sudden hardcore grinding is completely okay and innocent. Until it's misinterpreted. 

Which is no ones fault, really. Any type of thing like that has the potential to be some type of trigger for some embedded emotional cue within you, which could range from this "playing around" to laying in the grass and having a sweet moment of eye contact. 

But. I'd say, if he hasn't progressed since then, he's probably just gay and it was a situational incident. Otherwise, you'd know for sure and it wouldn't be a problem. 

But then again. I could be giving him too much credit and he could just be a silly fairy gay guy that wouldn't know what to do with his life if he couldn't put hair product in his hair or go to the Gay 90's to rock drag queen night >.< But that's not saying he is either, it all really depends on the person all I got is skepticism. 



DeadDove said:


> Yeah, I know where you are coming from...no pun intended. But anyhow, yeah its because the act of sex is so primitive and you have trained yourself to be educated and more sophisticated. As a former INTP that's been there...dude...GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT! Go out with some crazy chicks that "know things" and get in touch with the primitive animal you were meant to be...then learn how to control "the beast" and thank me later.


I've trained myself?

Really?

Well. Iunno how you handled it. But I never remember EVER seeing displays of......hormones without thinking that. There was no convincing. Just like "really?" And didn't you read my post? I've dated people >.< And I've done some shit. I'm well aware of what it's like, I just think it's weird and I'm far from crazy interested in it. If I wasn't aware my opinion would be bullshit, minus the fact it was my opinion. 

See? That whole paragraph you typed just irked me.

*shudders*


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

Nightriser said:


> The common theme in both situations was that I felt safe with both of them, regardless of their sexuality. Both gave me a sense of having a kindred spirit whom I could confide in.


Interesting. A lof of women seem to get bored easily with the "safe" heterosexual man. I've even heard women say that safe equates to boring.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

Kevinaswell said:


> I've been on the opposite side of this situation, so I think I got some insight. I couldn't even count the number of lady friends I've had that have tried to advance it to something beyond that >.< Which is not meant to imply any type of arrogance, cuz boy do I not ask for it. The resulting conversations are always so annoying >.< Anyhow. Were you drunk? During this incident? Cuz that matters. Gay guys always get drunk and make out/get dirty with their lady friends >.< It's just fun. Iunno. Probably just cuz it's such an obvious badass benefit because the rest of the world holds women on such crazy sexual pedestals, and we're just all "what's up?" and liking boys so all of a sudden hardcore grinding is completely okay and innocent. Until it's misinterpreted.
> 
> Which is no ones fault, really. Any type of thing like that has the potential to be some type of trigger for some embedded emotional cue within you, which could range from this "playing around" to laying in the grass and having a sweet moment of eye contact.


Neither of us were drunk, and it was not actually sex, it's just that if I described it, it would sound like a string of euphemisms. Aw hell, I'll describe anyway. I have a bit of an aversion to people touching me, so something he does when he's bored is threaten to poke me by pointing his finger at me, without actually touching me. Even that produces a response at times. I can actually feel him poking into my space, and it has a slight tickling feeling. One night, he actually started tickling me, and my response to being tickled is to curl up into fetal position. He then pinned me to the ground and tickled me some more, and I did my best to keep his fingers away. However, I found myself quite "excited" by the whole thing. 



> But. I'd say, if he hasn't progressed since then, he's probably just gay and it was a situational incident. Otherwise, you'd know for sure and it wouldn't be a problem.
> 
> But then again. I could be giving him too much credit and he could just be a silly fairy gay guy that wouldn't know what to do with his life if he couldn't put hair product in his hair or go to the Gay 90's to rock drag queen night >.< But that's not saying he is either, it all really depends on the person all I got is skepticism.


No, he's not that sort. I'm not much for prissy guys. If he's higher maintenance than myself, chances are that I would hardly be friends with him. 

Anyway, thanks for the advice. 

Shadow, what I mean by "safe" is a guy who makes me feel secure about my identity. I don't feel like he's going to push me around, try to put me down for introversion or eccentricity. He accepts me as I am. I don't know if that's what they mean by "safe" choice, but I look for a guy who accepts my personality, who makes me feel safe.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

All trophy hunters sign up at the Clap clinic.


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## KerryLee (Jan 22, 2009)

Kevinaswell said:


> *It's fuckin' weird.*
> 
> And I just really feel like I'm missing something that other people have.
> 
> ...


 
Absolutely loved this post so much just had to thank you for it! roud:

It freaks me out too, there's something about the pure physical aggressive sexual predatory thing that makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. 
A lot of sexual acts in particular make me feel weird and strange, like it feels unnatural, and yer I'm well aware it’s “suppose” to be the most natural.. but whatever, I don't. 
And I confuse myself in it all too because I have a high sex drive and can be very sexually driven... which is weird, but hell who would say n orgasm doesn't feel good, or that being intimate with someone you love isn't incredibly enjoyable... but doing anything sexual that becomes a kind of performance or to service someone makes me feel ill.. it gets like work, a job (oh dear! haha!) and so I end up feeling like the whole sex thing as rather a trade off or some begging for pleasure thing and I feel ucky and it turns me right off of the whole thing.. 
In fact I’m down right sick and tired of all this sexual extreme I’m being force fed, feeling sick to my stomach at all the pathetic sexual desperation.. :frustrating:
Anyway...my whole sexual attitude does trouble me and I still don’t get it, years and years down the line. In fact I'm worse than before... when I was younger I just did stuff and got on with it (hey sex is the predominant function of humans right :crazy ...I figured I must just have it all wrong.. huge mistake! Now I know I should have trusted myself afterall... people are mental, that's my conclusion. Too many people just go with what they’re told and shown... what they experience, view, hear etc just shapes their sexual imagination and expectation and blah blah blah.. oh you know the drill.. 
But I'm still very confused and very wierd’ed out about our over sexualised society and I doubt I’ll ever “just get over it” or that the world/humans will ever be any different... it’s a shame though (though many will say the opposite) ..can’t the rest of the world just catch up and evolve already! :tongue: :wink:



Kevinaswell said:


> I've trained myself?
> 
> Really?
> 
> ...


Oh yes! It made me shudder too, that kind of crap annoys me greatly.. just as does, for example, the way I think, feel and express myself, somehow makes some people jump to the conclusion that I am uptight or a prude etc etc... seriously pisses me off.. they have no idea.. 
The whole "just get laid" attitude doesn't change anything.. or help..at all! Its that "gentleman's" attitude that turns me off the whole sex thing in the first place :wink:

Edit: not gentleman as in gentleman in general ...I mean the guy who posted, couldn't recall his name ..


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*If you don't stop carrying on, I will get a Headache.*

PS: 

Reply on Saturday night:

Sorry, I want to catch up on my sleep.

The homeless dryad has clammy hands. Does that mean she's on beta blockers?


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

KerryLee said:


> Absolutely loved this post so much just had to thank you for it! roud:
> 
> It freaks me out too, there's something about the pure physical aggressive sexual predatory thing that makes me so incredibly uncomfortable.
> A lot of sexual acts in particular make me feel weird and strange, like it feels unnatural, and yer I'm well aware it’s “suppose” to be the most natural.. but whatever, I don't.
> ...


OK you and Kevin confuse me. Actually more so Kerry. Kevin I think is not for all the aggressive stick your cock in my mouth stuff. Kerry though, you say so much and I gleam little from that. I get that you love and hate sex all at the same time. But what in plain English do you dislike?


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Yea, I didn't see an ENFP with these views coming :O

That makes me happy though, very very happy. Because I just assumed it was closer to a type-trait, but your post points out that it's beyond types, and it truly is a matter of opinion and perhaps pure socialization.

Which just makes me feel better


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## thewindlistens (Mar 12, 2009)

I don't see eye to eye with my sex drive. Really, we don't understand each other.

Oh and, I too have trouble with being fully aroused by some random woman I just met. Not that I'm not simply attracted to their bodies, I just don't seem to really be 'there'. It's hard to explain. Whereas the only woman I've ever been emotionally intimate with just drove me crazy.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

No I am the same. I don't like one night stands. For sex to be enjoyable for me I have to have some connection or feelings. Otherwise I am better off using my hand.


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## KerryLee (Jan 22, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> OK you and Kevin confuse me. Actually more so Kerry. Kevin I think is not for all the aggressive stick your cock in my mouth stuff. Kerry though, you say so much and I gleam little from that. I get that you love and hate sex all at the same time. But what in plain English do you dislike?


Don't worry, I confuse myself :happy:.. to fully go into it I would have to give details of my past sexual experiences and my now sexual preferences in such a way that I, and maybe others, would find inappropriately too personal. Although in the right circumstances and with the right people I can be very frank and upfront (sometimes crude) about such things, so it is not because I find discussing it uncomfortable that I don't explain further. It's incredibly complication, my sexuality is very complicated... and I appreciate that I come across as contradictory and perhaps idiosyncratic.
The only way to simplify it would be to say that I dislike particular attitudes and behaviours to sex and the act of sexual intimacy prevalent in today's society. But that I am not able at this point to define the particulars or understand how and why they counter my own personal values etc.
Disclaimer: I'm a "work in progress" roud:.. I'm still figuring shit out..


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Summary: Make love, not porn.



EDIT: Which actually in itself doesn't even fully explain it, because. I could probably bust out with some kinky porn shit after we were in that initial "I love you" sexual relationship. INTP's are kinky. Just not really sexual.

But. That was the best summary I could think of. Oh well.

EDIT AGAIN: But then AGAIN, at the same time. Even during this kinky-porn-shit-that-I-could-possibly-bust-out-with, there would DEFINITELY be no "Oh man, just put your cock in my mouth." or anything else even remotely on those lines. It'd totally kill it.


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## KerryLee (Jan 22, 2009)

Kevinaswell said:


> Summary: Make love, not porn.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:laughing: ..
I knew what you meant.. and this is another bug bear of mine... if you say make love, too many people equate that to unsexy, un-passionate, unenergetic, un-playful ....er WRONG!!! :wink: Making love can be just as erotic, lustful, tantalizing and carnal as banging away like it's some form of competitive sport... IMO Making love is all those things and more.. Shagging in all its forms (and all that it entails) is masturbation with a fully interactive toy, and then some :tongue:..

Summary for KerryLee : I'm not your scratching post 

Ahem!...Issues? Me? ..never :laughing:


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## openedskittles (May 24, 2009)

I guess I'm a bit different still. I can not imagine having a one-night stand. I've got a heck of a sex drive, but that just really grosses me out. I think I have to feel I trust someone before I could ever do something sexual with them.

Also, it might just be me, but if I was ever with someone who "knew what they were doing" as was suggested earlier in the thread, I would be absolutely disgusted. Again, I'm all for this kind of thing, I just can't get over the idea that as someone else said, this person is like a dog humping a couch, and of course that there have been who knows how many guys on it before me. I mean, it's the same reason I don't eat food out of other people's trash.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

Cybermen don't have sex!


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Perseus said:


> Cybermen don't have sex!


Oh I don[t know, I think that Cyberwoman in the last Christmas Special wanted a little sexy time :wink:


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## Female INFJ (Feb 27, 2010)

Kevinaswell said:


> It's fuckin' weird.
> 
> And I just really feel like I'm missing something that other people have.
> 
> ...


hi *Kevinaswell* - i don't think i've had the chance to talk to you before, maybe once. i can totally appreciate this. maybe it is a Type 5 thing? I experience this a lot too. and sometimes i feel at a disadvantage with it also, because it takes me a long while to warm up to a guy, or at least a few dates and stuff. and unless there is that energy or attraction, i don't ever think about sex or talk about it with a guy. but once the attraction is there i get really intense with it. from a girls perspective though, for me i feel kind of left out of "something" too, because i will in most cases get passed over by most guys who prefer girls who put out really quickly or act in sexual ways without even knowing them. I'm ok with the way i am, but i can see how it can cause some trouble for me, because i think some guys i know really don't interpret me well, and some don't even think i'm sexual. i don't show that off unless i feel like it, and care for a person. i've tried the other way of being, and it didn't work for me. 

so i suppose, although i'm craving, i'm not going to act raunchy and stuff. however this animalistic thing can take over at times - but i try to quell that, and usually internalize or get into fantasy. i'm not saying that i can't see a guy and instantly be connected (INFJ thing) but even then, its hard not to be impulsive, but i try to wait it out. i have this thing where i can kind of know immediately if i meet a guy where it is going to go, before they get around to realizing that. but then i think a lot of girls have that intuitive ability, not just INFJ. 

oh and girls, if you do/say too much too soon - sometimes guys get complacent with that - and will just take, and may not give what you expected in return. why go there? have a guy earn it and work for it  

sometimes girls who are too forward, often complain about their guys a lot later in the relationship, but some guys (not all) have this thing where they sometimes do tests, they want to see how far a girl will go, and try to act in certain ways to show interest - if a girl doesn't go for it right away, then she is likely better girl friend material than the girl who puts out right away. most guys i'm with do this to me, and i often pass that test. i have lots of guy friends that tell me they do this. so beware, how you are categorized in a mans life will be how he treats you. there is a girl i know that loves a guy, but thought that being his "fantasy" and sleeping around with him would gain his love, (she started out as a girl he was with while he had a serious GF) he ended it with his GF, but still continued to sleep around with her, so she interpreted this as he was going to involve himself with her in a real relationship, since, but if you are in that slut category to a guy, a guy will treat you that way. he actually told her this to her face, because she kept on persisting on him. sad story, but i think happens a lot.



KerryLee said:


> :laughing: ..
> I knew what you meant.. and this is another bug bear of mine... if you say make love, too many people equate that to unsexy, un-passionate, unenergetic, un-playful ....er WRONG!!! :wink: Making love can be just as erotic, lustful, tantalizing and carnal as banging away like it's some form of competitive sport... IMO Making love is all those things and more.. Shagging in all its forms (and all that it entails) is masturbation with a fully interactive toy, and then some :tongue:..
> 
> Summary for KerryLee : I'm not your scratching post
> ...


*KerryLee* - This is such a beautiful, romantic, way to put it. It is true, i notice people never say to "make love" anymore, and i wish they did. I don't know where/ how the "vanilla" interpretation of a cozy loving relationship with lots of passion has come about? maybe it is the popularity of this random sex stuff, that Kevin talked about in the first post.



KerryLee said:


> ...Oh yes! It made me shudder too, that kind of crap annoys me greatly.. just as does, for example, the way I think, feel and express myself, somehow makes some people jump to the conclusion that I am uptight or a prude etc etc... seriously pisses me off.. they have no idea..
> The whole "just get laid" attitude doesn't change anything.. or help..at all! Its that "gentleman's" attitude that turns me off the whole sex thing in the first place :wink:
> 
> Edit: not gentleman as in gentleman in general ...I mean the guy who posted, couldn't recall his name ..


i feel this too sometimes, but it doesn't bother me - i think it puts me at an advantage sometimes, because i can then pursue the type of person i like, and not have to worry about that type of "aggressive sexual predator" type that you were talking about, because they likely won't be talking to a girl like me. but at times odd guys do, because they see a challenge maybe. but yes, i like the advantage, because i know what type of person i like, and i can choose who to reveal myself too, and if they appreciate it, then we can go from there. although some girls like the attention, the process of elimination way, seems to be more time consuming. i prefer being attractive to guys who are not forward in an aggressive loud way. but times are changing, seems like many girls feel they are expected to dress in suggestive ways, and act out loud crude to get a guy. and many guys go for that now.



Psilo said:


> I feel the same way. I'm glad someone started a topic.
> 
> I assumed for the longest time I had no sex drive. It just doesn't come out without a relationship first.
> 
> ...


*
Psilo* - Thank you for writing this! I just long to be close to someone, really and truly. and I feel lost in this current state of the world, to the point where I don't think I'll find someone to appreciate this about me. I think some guys "tolerate" this desire of mine, in order to get on with other good stuff. but I'm not settling anymore, and that is what i really want, along with everything else. i guess i haven't found the right person yet.


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## Antithesis (May 10, 2010)

Yeah. I hate it. I don't want to do it again for a loooong time. I've only ever had feelings for one guy, and he wasn't the one I slept with. I mean I have urges just like anyone else but no desire to act on them. I just find the whole thing makes me feel demeaned and shameful. Oh well, no one fancies me even though I think I'm quite pretty, must be my weird personality.


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## haplo (May 29, 2010)

I'm always cracking sexual jokes or talking about sex and being pereverted, but really, Im not that interested at all. I'm so NOT interested in it that I haven't kissed or been kissed by anyone, lmao.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

I'm not even sure what to say but I guess I am the same way.... >.>

Even in the couple relationships I had I was still very tame. I'm a sensual person but I often have no interest in this stuff unless it is being provoked... and the only kind of person who could do that would be somebody I'm already romantically interested in (in love with) and even then it can take some coaching. -.-


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## thefistofreality (May 18, 2010)

I'm always...horny. But I can control myself. I can't explain it.

Sometimes, one just needs to get some buns.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

*If I didn't have hot girls around me who I could push myself to get - then I'd end up humping couches I think.

I don't want to hump couches .

Yeah, but seriously, I can understand the feeling of lust, I didn't when I was 2-3 years younger but then I discovered I liked women and that all changed.

I do get serious urges around some girls, I don't have to be in love to be sexually attracted. I'm always thinking about sex in my mind somewhere and I always want to have sex with pretty girls. I'm one of those people. Those teen-aged people.

I don't know why, but I've been on both sides of this and the only answer I have is some people have a larger sex drive than others [I mean, there's a difference between wanting to feel physical pleasure and having feelings of lust and desire I think] Which isn't a good answer at all.

That's my 2 cents anyways.*


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Hahahaha, I totally forgot I made this thread XD

But for real though--It's like when I'm doing sexual things (unless I'm in love or some shit)--I feel like....fucking. A cat in heat getting his rocks off or something.

And then I want to throw up because I feel so fucking uncivilized and primitively driven by shallow desires that no longer even matter for our species.

Love fixes it, though.


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## thefistofreality (May 18, 2010)

Kevinaswell said:


> Hahahaha, I totally forgot I made this thread XD
> 
> But for real though--It's like when I'm doing sexual things (unless I'm in love or some shit)--I feel like....fucking. A cat in heat getting his rocks off or something.
> 
> ...


It makes me want to punch some guys in the face =P but it can't be helped!

Don't feel bad, it happens haha


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Kevinaswell said:


> Hahahaha, I totally forgot I made this thread XD
> 
> But for real though--It's like when I'm doing sexual things (unless I'm in love or some shit)--I feel like....fucking. A cat in heat getting his rocks off or something.
> 
> ...


I think this is why I like things more slow and controlled rather than just 'getting off' whatever way. >.< It's more sensual and intimate rather than just going wild... takes more thought and consideration not to mention that it can actually be more intense and satisfying, IMO


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## Ekeh Mayu (Jun 1, 2010)

Considering I started with masturbating, the problem I ran into with the five years of it before I even kissed a girl was that all of my stimulating experiences were very far from reality.

I have no clue how to really integrate it today with my girlfriend. In the physical realm, yes I feel it, and I have working sexual libido (thingy); but I don't look at someone and encrypt the code of hawt or not.

I still know very little about the whole realm of merging with another, and for me it is an extremely sacred experience beyond the entrance (definitely not putting my energy into Darwin!)
Nonetheless, my fantasies to masturbation are fetishes or perverted in the sense that... hmm, maybe it is like how one describes pansexual or not preferring to classify, no..
Umm, i'm at a writers block to describe this. It's the schism between writing in my diary and fantasizing what may be put in my diary. God didn't place a page in-front of Shakespeare's face, I don't think. Or else I would be staring at the page, clueless.

Maybe my point is to look at what you masturbate imagining. Considering you are free feeling in that realm and don't receive knocks or nearby noises; then find away to integrate that in sharing with another. (Then share with me how the hell you did it!)
Because even if I am imagining something vivid with the person I am with, then I want both of us to share. So maybe they complement each other and its a fuller sense of combining. Not just a trip to the Baskin 31 Robins..

In some sense I am also scared to present my fantastical realm in masturbation with someone that is important to me. (Or I am vague and they don't ask questions!!! Like they are not interested =/)

P.S. I don't think how I masturbated or maybe how anyone else is, necessarily means it is entirely animalistic. I see it as a comfortable state for expression rather. I definitely preferred enjoying it over a long time; but I have run into it becoming a slug fest. And ultimately I did find masturbating to become sort of empty as I wanted my feelings to be shared, but the start and considering most of us have tried it; then I see it as a foundation to what you may enjoy.
Like so you are not just throwing a boomerang to capture one person in a colliseum, like a test; but instead capturing your own internal experience.


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## Kittie (Jun 5, 2010)

I think we're only human and of course we are going to get horny occasionally. Some people take it too far and they just wanna hump anything with legs. Your just not sex-crazed like those other people. It sounds like people are all over you and wanna go crazy and hump your leg or something.


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## Deja Vu (Dec 26, 2009)

This is the craziest thread I've ever heard. I'm going to go have sex and clear my mind...:crazy:


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Kevinaswell said:


> It's fuckin' weird.
> 
> And I just really feel like I'm missing something that other people have.
> 
> The ONLY time I'm sexually interested in someone, is if I'm in love with them. Which hardly happens. That or drunk, but that doesn't count.


Thats because we were meant to be with one person that we love. Sex with your soul mate is so much more meaningful than casual sex. I just love how it feels.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

Before I lost my virginity I was thinking about sex all the time, tried imagining what it was like, and was wondering what I was missing out on that everyone claimed was the greatest thing in the world to the point of insanity. Now I don't think about it none stop and mainly stop bothering to care if I will ever have sex. It's kind of funny to see my friends puzzled and not be able to understand my thinking. I do still feel the need to have sex but I would prefer to be with someone I am close to and not some random girl. I think I am not making sense anymore.:laughing:


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

*Lovesick*

I have got a great big house with a wonderful view
And I wouldn't leave my wooden wife for you sugar


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

JoetheBull said:


> Before I lost my virginity I was thinking about sex all the time, tried imagining what it was like, and was wondering what I was missing out on that everyone claimed was the greatest thing in the world to the point of insanity. Now I don't think about it none stop and mainly stop bothering to care if I will ever have sex. It's kind of funny to see my friends puzzled and not be able to understand my thinking. I do still feel the need to have sex but I would prefer to be with someone I am close to and not some random girl. I think I am not making sense anymore.:laughing:


yes you make sense.


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## Sweetish (Dec 17, 2009)

Kevinaswell said:


> It's fuckin' weird.
> 
> And I just really feel like I'm missing something that other people have.
> 
> ...


I would venture a theory that, for certain people with particular brain chemistry, sex is more rewarding on a neuro-chemical level for them than it has been for you.

I can get my dopamine hit from many different things- getting laid is not the penultimate achievement in personal or shared satisfaction for me, physical or otherwise. Just my theory that my brain chemistry is different.

I just had the most potent orgasm I've ever experienced. I wouldn't say it's changed anything about me, except that I understand my own body's reaction to sensual pleasure far better than ever before. I look at my partner as quite a determined and accomplished individual for successfully climbing that mountain with me. We had a lot of fucking fun doing it. The way I write this probably makes it sound so very different than how it felt, but whatev, hopefully you get the right idea.

*shrug*

To me, sex is now just sex. It's satisfying for however long it lasts, then over, then it's time for a snack to get yet another dopamine hit and then time for a snooze while replenishing the serotonin =P I get a completely different satisfaction from just cuddling, which can feel just as good as an orgasm- only, in a much different way (because there are levels of chemicals involved in bonding just as there are particular chemicals involved in mating). Some people prefer getting the mating chemicals elevated _before_ they elevate the bonding chemicals. I'm a bond first, then mate, then bond some more kinda person, myself.

Sex used to be completely about romantic feelings for me, so it's a whole new ballgame with that taking a backseat to the more potent, animal-istic pleasures we can now glean from it. Don't get me wrong- it still feels like making love, so long as the intent is to share the bliss and enjoyment of pleasuring one's partner with a keenly felt understanding of what specifically pleases a lover more than any other thing... It's personally fulfilling to be that intimate and sensually competent with someone in a way that no one else can or has with them.

Perhaps some people are just shopping around because they haven't found what they want, don't know how to train a lover and/or would like to be trained and/or want to spread some love around. I've liked being able to explore sexuality progressively with one particular person, getting to know each other and ourselves better with time and experience. That's just the way_ I_ like it. To each their own. I don't feel a need to be sexual with just anyone, because one person is meeting my needs as he feels an incredible motivation to do so which I gladly return to him.

'scuse me, it's time for me to relieve some falling brain chemical levels by raiding the fridge. =Þ


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Don't get me started on the _fluids....._


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## Inverse (Jun 3, 2010)

Kevinaswell said:


> It's fuckin' weird.
> 
> And I just really feel like I'm missing something that other people have.
> 
> ...


I think for many people, we've come to this level in life where we're so comfortable with other people and ourselves that we have come to terms with our need to become sexual beings. I'm most likely going to fail and totally be stereotyped into my type here, but generally, people have senses they sometimes rarely (or rarely as good) get to stimulate. 

It's fine to want to be in a relationship and want more. We all have different needs and wants, but it honestly shouldn't bother you when someone is capable of stating something so profoundly strong to you. If anything consider the words behind them. If someone tells you, so directly that they want you in their mouth, what does that mean? If anything it shows that out of all the_ people on the planet_, you are the one they want to savor, you who they want to enjoy and it's _your _pleasure that they would like to provide.

I can see someone instead taking the perspective that this individual probably doesn't care about you, or only cares about sex. Some choosing to make that individual feel like they should be ashamed for being a sexual being, and what have you. However emotions and physicality to me are not _entirely_ different. Both have needs and I think both have levels that should be respected equally. To many in our society~ someone who "Just loves sex." tends to not be as highly regarded as someone who "Just seeks love." Yet are either so mutually exclusive as to not really be considered someone "Just wants _what they need_."?

There is no hierarchy to me that makes one thing more important than the other. If someone ever comes onto me that strongly, I don't have to feel the need to mirror their intensity. I have an active sex-drive but I also have needs that don't mirror everyone else just because I like sex. However, I would be hard-pressed not to acknowledge the fact that for them to be this sexualized with someone they too had to jump as many hurdles as someone who would hug you and say they care about you. 

I tend to satisfy my sexual desires within the context of emotion. It doesn't have to even be physical to do so~ which makes my relationships with people all the more experimental and introspective. I don't have to have sex left and right to satisfy my curiosity to what it can or may be. I'm just happy to know people have needs, and aren't afraid to share them with others.

Maybe they jumped that hurdle at home, by themselves when they decided that being a sexual being was right for them. For many that's _not _an easy thing and I think it's worth the respect to appreciate the desire to satisfy their needs without regret, shame or apprehension in this short little life of ours. It's not going to last forever. Some people choose to enjoy their sexuality with a single partner and learn every little button and sensation they can provide each other. Others prefer seeing many other people smile at the whim of their touch and imagination.

_Some people_ just want to taste what life has to offer, and for some, _your cock _is just a part of that grand design. <3


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly and it’s messy, and if "god" hadn’t made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

bionic said:


> Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly and it’s messy, and if "god" hadn’t made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.


yes but what a way to go :laughing:. 
"She died just after she reached orgasm". Imagine the coroners looking at this corpse with a look of ecstasy on their face?


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

bionic said:


> It’s violent,


really bionic? what do you indulge in then?:wink:


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