# INTJ homemaker bored out of her mind....



## jumpthegunjenny (Sep 17, 2014)

Hi. I am Jenny. Having hit my mid thirties and reaching the point of being fed up with being the square peg in the round hole of life, I have come seeking my tribe that I might find what this 'happiness' thing is about for those with the same personality strengths and differences as myself. 

I am a form of "mom" to eleven offspring, ten living with the husband and myself full time. We are a blended family, I am previously divorced and remarried a widower, so they are all ours, all the time. 

And it is driving me to the brink. 

I also subscribe to religion in hopes of saving myself from going off the deep end, but that is rapidly loosing it's appeal the farther I get from satisfaction in life. Which is horrifying to me, because my belief has been entrenched in my life since the dawn of time, and not something easily given up on. 

Full time mothering is not for the faint of heart, especially when there are so many of THEM and one introverted ME.


----------



## Mr. CafeBot (Jun 13, 2009)

*You are hearing a robotic sounding voice coming towards you*



Greetings jumpthegunjenny and welcome to PersonalityCafe!! My name is Mr. CafeBot. I am here to personally greet you and thank you for joining our humble little forum. No matter your type, you will surely experience a wonderful time with the members of this forum. We cater to all personality types so you will never feel alone or weird. Truth is this forum is full of weirdos!! Pleazeee hel.... *Ahem*I mean we have the nicest people you will ever meet. 

If you need basic forum information our newbie guide link is here...
http://personalitycafe.com/intro/2319-friendly-guide-newbies.html


To keep the forum entertaining and safe, our forum rules link is here...
http://personalitycafe.com/announcements/540-personality-cafe-forum-rules.html


If you need any help or have any suggestions, please let us know here...
http://personalitycafe.com/support-suggestions/

We will always be glad to help you!

Also don't forget to watch my music video...








Again, welcome to our forum jumpthegunjenny. We hope that your experience with us is tremendously benevolent!

P.S. Meet my family

My Wife - http://personalitycafe.com/members/mrs-cafebot.html
My Daughter - http://personalitycafe.com/members/jenny.html
My Dog - http://personalitycafe.com/members/dog.html


----------



## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

Welcome Jenny. I've got 5 kids myself, not sure how I'd handle 11 . I'm a Christian, although religion doesn't seem to have anything to do with your predicament.

Are the kids old enough to take care of themselves from time to time? Sounds like you need to get out of the house and do something else, maybe you could think about how to rejoin the workforce? Also I know with kids it is extremely hard, but you've got to force yourself to take a bit of free time for yourself and also with just you and your husband to recharge from time to time or you'll never make it through the marathon.


----------



## FluffyTheAnarchist (Sep 9, 2013)

Welcome, Jenny! Hope this place becomes your safe haven, an oasis of sorts!


----------



## Goliath (Aug 28, 2014)

You should have thought ahead before going into anything that includes 11 children. 

Any lesser favored children you would put up for adoption? My only suggestion.


----------



## jumpthegunjenny (Sep 17, 2014)

My kids at home range in age from 2 years up to 17 (and the oldest who is 20 is out of the house.) I am lucky at this point that I just have the 2 year old at home in the mornings, but there is some guilt associated with leaving the house at all. Leaving them to their own devices usually proves more work for me than it is worth. (I go out for an hour and come back to two hours worth of cleaning up, prepping a meal, catching up on laundry, etc.) I've heard it before. I have put it into practice, but it is still not enough. 

The logistics of actually getting a job are astounding to me. Nor do I want the pressure of another iron in the fire, someone else demanding more of my time. 

Religion comes into this as it is a huge reason why I have a family to begin with. My devotion to God is/was my motivation for even doing any of it. I have never really liked kids, never held a baby until I had my first, despised babysitting as a teen, yet here I am: Mom to eleven of them. There is a degree of guilt for really not enjoying what I feel God has called me to do.


----------



## jumpthegunjenny (Sep 17, 2014)

Goliath said:


> You should have thought ahead before going into anything that includes 11 children.
> 
> Any lesser favored children you would put up for adoption? My only suggestion.


You have hit the nail on the head. As appealing as that sounds most days, the kids love each other too much for me to split them up. While it might solve the short term issue of me going crazy, it would probably further the emotional damage they are already processing from losing a parent. Which would be more work later. And lots of guilt.


----------



## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

That's incredible, how did you go about having eleven? What made you continue after about three or so?


----------



## Truth Advocate (Apr 14, 2014)

Howdy. INTJ here.


----------



## Serak (Jul 26, 2012)

You've put yourself into an incredibly challenging situation, doubly so when you obviously don't like children.

Either way, welcome aboard. At the very least don't feel guilty for being yourself. Not everyone likes children, there's no crime in that.


----------



## jumpthegunjenny (Sep 17, 2014)

I married young, inexperienced, naïve. Had 5 babies in 7 years. Divorced the sociopath, remarried a widower with 5 of his own. And wound up with a honeymoon surprise. 

The more I look into it, I wonder if it was my profound drive to organize and plan things out that made me think that having more kids would help that. I get excited and aggravated just thinking about Christmas and Thanksgiving. All the planning! All the lists and systems for attending to all the requirements! Yipee! And then....all the people. And actual shopping. And cooking and wrapping. Blech. 

Just think....I get to plan dinner for 12. Every damn night. It was fun, for a little while.


----------



## jumpthegunjenny (Sep 17, 2014)

Serak said:


> You've put yourself into an incredibly challenging situation, doubly so when you obviously don't like children.
> 
> Either way, welcome aboard. At the very least don't feel guilty for being yourself. Not everyone likes children, there's no crime in that.


Thank you for that reassurance.


----------



## mony (Jun 18, 2014)

@jumpthegunjenny
Welcome Jenny. I admire your decision to pursue the challenging task of being a stay home mother and wish all the best for you. I think you will enjoy the thread " Things that make INTJs laugh" and other funny threads made by INTJs. It will certainly relieve stressors you may be experiencing and hopefully cheer you up.


----------



## Korpasov (Jul 19, 2014)

Welcome to the forums, Jenny. It sounds like you've gotten yourself into a pretty unpleasant and tough situation (I have never wanted and do not want any kids, let alone 11), but it's not inescapable. Remember, kids are kids for only so long, and they'll eventually be out in the world with their own jobs.

I think you deserve a vacation with your hubby. Not a vacation with your kids. A vacation _from_ them.


----------



## jumpthegunjenny (Sep 17, 2014)

Thank you all for your understanding. Don't get me wrong, I love all my little people for who they are and who they are becoming...it's just harder some days to wait for that. The older they get, the more enjoyable they are. I have run away with my husband for a week, and it was heaven. But that was two years ago, and we really don't have the means to do it again any time soon. 

I have to focus on the progress. I just potty trained the last one this summer. Thirteen straight years of changing diapers....DONE. That's gotta count for something. 

Off to check out the INTJ humor...


----------



## Im FiNe (Oct 17, 2013)

Welcome.

[INFP waves]

I am curious about the "bored out of her mind" part of the thread title. You have shared frustrations and interaction overload. 

Where and how does boredom enter the picture? How can we assist you in that regard?


----------



## BlackDog (Jan 6, 2012)

Good lord, woman. You're a saint. I couldn't do it!

Anyway, welcome and good luck!


----------



## jumpthegunjenny (Sep 17, 2014)

Bored: Atrophied brain from too much laundry. Too many dishes. Same crap over and over again. And my mind wants to play. I want to create things, there is no intellectual challenge. There is no intelligent conversation. (unless you count the one I had the other day with my two year old about the value of shoes.) No progress, just stagnant idiocies of repeating the same dang thing day after day until THEY ALL GET IT. That saran wrap doesn't work in the fridge over a colander, that taking a shower should be at least a bi-weekly thing after the age of 8, that dinner does not make itself, money does not grow on trees, spiders will move into your clothes if you leave them on the floor all the time, wipe the seat when you pee on it, etc. It's boring as hell. It is the definition of insanity. I do the same thing every day, hoping against hope that the outcome may change. And it doesn't. So I change my tactic. Again. And again and again and again. And still, the same results. The experiment has too many variables to control the outcome or predict any sort of pattern. The tediousness of it has become boring in the fact that no matter how much I change, I cannot change the one thing that bothers me: two loads of dishes, three meals, four loads of laundry, half an hour of vacuuming, ten little souls to tuck into bed. Day in and day out. 

So, how can you help with the boredom? Show me that there is more to life than this. Help me see the different options that make life a little more exciting.


----------



## Serak (Jul 26, 2012)

There absolutely is more to life, Jenny. I'm going to guess that's your name!

I'm going to respect you and be honest here: With that many children you're lucky you can post here without kissing a scraped knee between every word. Even if you aren't changing diapers you'll be taking care of these children in a big way for the rest of your life. I'm actually surprised your twenty year old moved out. If it was to college, chances are he (or she) will be back. That's just statistics.

I can completely relate with your boredom. I love children and you couldn't pay me enough to have any of my own. But to escape that boredom you need the one thing it doesn't seem you have: Time.

Those eleven children are, and likely will forever be, your life. The activities will change, the faces will change, but not the lifestyle.

There's a reason people here think you're a saint for mothering that many children. You may very well never get to do much else.

I sound uncharacteristically depressing here, but you seemed to want an honest response.


----------



## Ballast (Jun 17, 2013)

I have no idea how to respond here (besides welcome, and that this is a place where you'll find much stimulating conversation) but you need to start _delegating,_ if you can. You have a husband and a 17 year old, and I assume several other teenagers in the house that can start taking care of some of their own things. They can learn to cook, do laundry, clean their spaces, and watch their younger siblings. Why aren't the teenagers watching the younger kids while you go out with your husband for awhile? Why isn't your husband keeping an eye on things for that hour or two you want to sneak off by yourself? Big families are a team effort, and it doesn't sound like there's much of a team involved from your words. 

Families with many children usually operate on the princible that as soon as the kids are old enough to stand on their own, they start helping with the housework and the parenting of their younger siblings. 

Anyway, welcome, hope you enjoy your stay!


----------

