# Is my boss after me?



## snapdragons (Feb 1, 2011)

I am going to try my best to illustrate what has been going on without giving away too many personal details.

I've been at my job for nearly a year and it's been a hit and miss the entire time. I can hardly go a month by without my boss nitpicking and pointing out the slightest error in something I do or something she doesn't approve of. Usually this results in me receiving a written disciplinary warning and a "talk" with her boss (the head boss), as well. 

To put things into perspective, the job I have used to be her job. Soon after I started, I began to get the impression she was having a difficult time letting go and allowing me to grow in the position because I didn't do things right, at least, right in the way she saw fit. There was a previous head boss who was present when I first started and at one point they both implied my personality was a problem, but then backpedaled immediately upon making the statement.

Since then, I've been written up 3 times, had to go on a special "training" to "improve" my performance despite the fact that it was _they_ who would not let me know what was going on wrong for months at a time, and whenever I have check-in meetings with my boss and ask for her feedback on how I can improve or if there's anything she'd like to address with me, she does not tell me anything.

Recently there was an error with paperwork-- nothing major, but there was a mistake in my paperwork schedule where instead of letting me know directly and right away, decided to wait and send me an email. Because of that error, she is now making my coworkers go back and see if they made any mistakes in similar work even though she does not supervise them! If I am not disciplined for this I am going to be surprised and never mind the fact I based my schedule off of _her_ previous schedule when I took over her old job because it was supposed to be correct.

At this point, this job and this boss are becoming more of a nuisance than anything else. I have made huge efforts to change my personality, my communication style and approach, and even the way I work to suit this woman. At the end of most workdays I am exhausted because I have to be someone I am not to make sure I don't constantly get disciplined for things that should have been addressed with me right way, instead of slipping through the cracks for months at a time and then comes down the hammer. I have been respectful, friendly, and mimicked her style in order to please her. Apparently because of that I am now more of a "team player" than I was before (rolls eyes). 

I don't know what to do at this point. I will keep looking for another job but I don't want to have someone breathing down my neck most of the time, either.


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## WindowLicker (Aug 3, 2010)

Do you want to know if shes after you, or if there's a reason shes treating you this way?
I understand there's a chain of command, but something is definitely happening here that makes her think shes entitled to step on your side of the line and this doesn't have to be this way. You're treating her like shes the "authority" "the queen" trying to please her, or something and in doing so you're allowing her to dictate you. Pretty sure this lady senses you're trying to please her, and she has high expectations for the job you're doing so that makes her think shes your tough love mentor, like giving you approval makes you happy, but really it feels condescending because of the roles you're in. Most annoying situation to be in ever and one of the hardest to get out of. That gives her the power to "punish" you whatever way she chooses that she thinks is gonna learn you a lesson. 
I had a bartender who did this to me for the first month of my job and she would ride my ass and nitpick every little thing I'd do wrong, and the pressure caused me to mess up worse. Eventually I got sick of it and I told her I didn't need her "constructive criticism" I just needed her to do her job and make me drinks, (yeah it was pretty bad ass) then she was like mad like "I will never criticize you again." like basically see how far you get without my help. Then she just acted like another employee and then I saw her crying in the bathroom and at first I was like w/e I hope she got fired, then I felt bad and I was like "Are you ok?" shes all I'm fine and I told her about something that made me cry from work and we were cool after that. The next time I messed up she was ok with it and then I stopped messing up so much. I even started making more money after that. 
So I guess what works in this impossible situation is
1. Assert confidence in your abilities.
2. Catch her in a vulnerable moment so she will always remember how it felt when she was out of control and you two stepped out of the roles you're in, and transitioned into new ones. This creates a two way road for empathy. haha Worked for me. 
I went back to the job like 6 months later after I quit and I was so afraid of being criticized that I OCD did everything perfectly, like a diamond.


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## snapdragons (Feb 1, 2011)

Here's how it's been since I started:

The minute I made a mistake she and the former boss had a special meeting with me and then at the same meeting after the boss left, she admitted to me that I am more firm in my resolve and adherence to the policies. Whereas, she wasn't like that at all but she never said there was something _wrong_ with me being firm. However there clearly was and no matter what I did, I was always in some sort of trouble. She was also the one who in a report submitted to the boss who conducted my review, said I wasn't a team player and I basically didn't do an adequate job. 

I have also noticed a difference in the way she chooses to train (or not) new people compared to me. With the new girl, she sat down with her and went over everything that I should have been formally trained in. However with me, I was told to "figure it out" and was basically left to the wolves because at the time my boss was too busy. Now my boss makes time and goes out of her way to help this new girl. I've also noticed a difference in the quality of work she will accept from me and from others. She supervises another coworker of mine and while this coworker wrote bare minimum reports, if I did the same I was told to rewrite and resubmit until it was to her liking. For instance, this coworker would write reports less than a page long, but if I wrote one with more factual data that was slightly over a page, it was considered substandard. 

It's because of these things that I'm trying to hard to please. I've been told we have a personality issue but I'm not sure.


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