# How to tell someone you think they need therapy.



## apathy ends the world (Nov 25, 2009)

I know it sounds bad, because I'm not a psychologist or anything, but when you've grown up with someone through all the changes in their life, you can tell when they just aren't happy. I don't know how to mention it, or how to explain myself when he asks me why, because it seems I'm projecting what I think is important onto him. That being serious introspection. And I say this, because yesterday when I asked him to read through a "Conversations with..." article, he finally told me he doesn't like Personality assessment stuff because he doesn't _know_ the answers, he doesn't _know_ how he does this or that, or what he's like most of the time.

That would be all well and good, for someone who doesn't care. But he said is makes him _depressed_ that he can't answer, which is much different from just thinking the tests are silly.

So, how can you explain this to someone who's so sensitive about the subject of their own personality in the first place??


----------



## lantern (Feb 15, 2010)

If your friend is depressed then his answers would be skewed on a personality profile assessment. 

If you feel strongly that he needs to see a therapist then say something along the lines of 

_"(Name), you're a good friend of mine and I really care about you, and lately I've been concerned because you seem to be very low and I was wondering whether you might think about going to go see your doctor to ask if they would recommend you going to see a counsellor? and if you would like some support I can go with you, if you'd like."_


----------



## apathy ends the world (Nov 25, 2009)

Thanks. He isn't just a close friend, he's my boyfriend, which should be easier, but it isn't. He has been to therapy before, but he only went for a few weeks, and then stopped before they could actually get anywhere. I'm worried that he is going to ask for my explanation as to why I think he needs it. Not that he hasn't admitted needing it himself on a few occasions.

Would a note/letter be a bad idea? I mean, it seems kind of weird considering I hang out with him all the time, but we used to do that all the time when there was a big problem that we felt couldn't be talked out unless we each got to say our fill without interruption. That way I could go over it and make sure I'm not saying things vaguely, or possibly offensively, or anything like that. I don't want to scare him away from the idea by going into too much detail, either.

Your idea is the better one, but I'm incredibly scared to hurt his feelings by being that direct about it.


----------



## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

why was therapy stopped? and what was it for?

I'm not too keen on the note idea, it doesnt leave room for discussion. Though it may not be a bad idea to write out what you want to say ahead of time. Also you would want to get specific about the behaviors you are observing. 
Counseling it a tough thing to swallow for may people, because people dont want to be percieved as mentally ill or weak.


----------



## lantern (Feb 15, 2010)

It's not direct if you use a soft gentle tone of voice, you would need to pick the right time, somewhere quiet. Sit up close to him, hold him but not in a motherly way. Try to be calm about it.


----------



## fn0rd (Mar 21, 2010)

"You need therapy. Srs."


----------

