# Could you live without physical affection?



## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

I'm not interested in a life without physical affection. I could live without it, but I wouldn't be happy. I don't get much physical affection currently, and what I do get is from a familial sense, and not romantic, which is what I'd really enjoy.


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## BradyLadyWA (Jan 28, 2009)

Lady K said:


> I'm not interested in a life without physical affection. I could live without it, but I wouldn't be happy. I don't get much physical affection currently, and what I do get is from a familial sense, and not romantic, which is what I'd really enjoy.


Yeah. I remember one New Year's Eve when I had nothing to do and no one special in my life. I stayed home all alone, and at midnight, I kissed my cat. Sad days.

However, Jason was the world's most affectionate cat, so that helped things. :happy:


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## Phoenix (Sep 4, 2009)

I live without it by choice. It's just not my thing.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

It's not my "choice" to live without it. I want it, and I want to give it. But it's very difficult to let go. 
Like Mikbert said: there's a difference between living and being alive. I'm just living atm. 
Everyone needs a hug :happy:


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## ChapterSeven (Oct 22, 2009)

Lady K said:


> I'm not interested in a life without physical affection. I could live without it, but I wouldn't be happy. I don't get much physical affection currently, and what I do get is from a familial sense, and not romantic, which is what I'd really enjoy.


We must know each other, lol! :tongue: I absolutely love affection and if I couldn't have it ever again I'd probably go crazy.


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## Bri Kait (Oct 25, 2009)

*Maybe....*

I might be for a short while. But I still enjoy and seek out affection from my friends. For example, just plain old hugging. It makes me smile. :happy:


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## Lady K (Oct 13, 2009)

> We must know each other, lol



Haha, I know the feeling. Maybe it's just because we're both ISFJs...


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## WolfXC (Aug 30, 2009)

Rouge said:


> With members of the opposite sex, I'd say the personal bubble would be the same as the West. But among friends of the same sex, I don't mind them getting really close to me. We can sit side by side so closely that we almost touch. Or to come really close to adjust each other's clothes, necklace, earrings etc.
> 
> I can only speak for the women though. It's probably different among Asian men.


i think thats a quite typical girl thing everywhere
i feel really angry when people of any sex gets too close to me
im not your dad, youre not mine either, so what the fuck
honestly, when someone gets too close to you is to do something with an absolute selfish purpose
do they need some affection? then go buy it! what do i have to do with their lacks or needs? im not an object
i should be respected a being


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## MrFixit (Oct 24, 2009)

NO! The thought of no hugs or cuddles or comforting, intimate moments ever again would make me very sad.


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## Nightwind (Oct 21, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> I don't really mean sex. Hugging, kissing etc is more of what I'm talking about.
> Could you live without it?
> Is it really that important? Do you feel it's vital in strengthening a relationship?
> 
> ...


Definitely not. Would go totally insane. I know it. I spent a lot of time alone 4 month out of the year for quite a while lack of physical contact is very disorienting.


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## susurration (Oct 22, 2009)

I am desperately in need! For the past few months I have been home a bit more and less out and about... but I have never really found outlet for my need for closeness. 
It's not the lack of touch on the receiving end, I just miss giving affectionate squeezes of the arm and cuddles. Even though I'm talking here, about non sexual, non threatening stuff, A lot of people seem to hate that. In Australia, there are schools here that have banned hugging. It seems a few bad eggs and fear mongering have ruined what is innocently used by most people. 
I hate talking on the phone- I like to be there with people and read their body language etc. One reason is that I was a dancer for many years, and so my kinesthetic awareness is very strong. I learnt from a young age that self expression is limited by solely using words.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

I have a huge need to express love, and a huge need to receive it. But I don't know how to go about it :blushed: 
I mess up. Badly.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

Well Holly, the face is a large target. If you missed you were probably drunk.



I could not live without physical affection, I'd probably last a week or two.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Hahhahaa :crazy:
Scruffy, I'll have you know I'm very smooth*
I meant more so in the meotional way. I don't make people feel loved enough. I don't really know how to express affection or how to take it.

*I'm lying.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

Just do what I do, and you'll be a pro:

1. Stand across the room from the person
2. Tilt your head slightly to left
3. Stare.


The ladies love it.






Srs:

Just let is come naturally, you're probably over-thinking it, besides I'm sure the other person enjoys it. You just don't think you show enough. Receiving is the same thing, just go with it. 

I'm not in your head, but I hope that helps.

Good luck.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

OP: No, and it's killing me.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I rarely receive physical affection I want. I could survive without it. However, after over a year without it, the inner cold is beginning to consume me.


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## Evolution (Nov 1, 2009)

I could never live without it....ever. The Main reason I get depressed a lot, is for this very reason...not enough physical affection.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Evolution said:


> I could never live without it....ever. The Main reason I get depressed a lot, is for this very reason...not enough physical affection.


I can vouch for this. =P


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Evolution said:


> I could never live without it....ever. The Main reason I get depressed a lot, is for this very reason...not enough physical affection.


Me too  Makes me feel down.
It's crappy, the thing I need the most I am afraid of. Gah.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> Me too  Makes me feel down.
> It's crappy, the thing I need the most I am afraid of. Gah.


 That's what it's like to exist as me. I can't get any affection. All the girls around me think I'm a freak. I have very mild autism (It's AS, but I've got it pretty much destroyed.) However, people notice that something just seems wrong with me. It's not really autism, but it's more like being an oblivious INTP. That's why I can't get a date. No one wants or could want to be with me. I'm ery capable of masking my vey mild AS, but still, there is no one on the planet who would ever be with me. I have to be alone.





 




 
Both of these are the truth of my existence.


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## my melody (Nov 3, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> I have a huge need to express love, and a huge need to receive it. But I don't know how to go about it :blushed:
> I mess up. Badly.


I'm the same way. :sad:


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## Evolution (Nov 1, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> I have a huge need to express love, and a huge need to receive it. But I don't know how to go about it :blushed:
> I mess up. Badly.



I am with you there completely. It's like all I am driven to do is love someone, but at the same time you need to get the same in return. It's so painful when you give it all and don't get anything back.


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## lando034 (Nov 1, 2009)

I spend about six months at a time without physical contact due to my job. I miss it, but not in a "I hate my life" sort of way.


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## SeekJess (Nov 1, 2009)

I could live without it. In fact I hardly ever think to interact with people physically. One of my goals is to be more physically affectionate with people, and not freak out when people touch me. Would it be healthy? No probably not, I need to get out of my comfort zone:crazy:


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## Kite (Sep 19, 2009)

I could live, but life would be incredibly lacking. I use touches, hugs, and kisses to affirm myself and others. If I don't hug my mom in the morning, I feel weird all day long. If I don't jostle my friends playfully or hug one of them or just toss an arm around someone's shoulders at least once a day, I feel lonely. I just really thrive on physical affection. I get so down without it.


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## Jib (Nov 4, 2009)

Forgive me if I go on a tangent, but my brain is whirring around like a moth on steroids at the thought of this topic. I am more excited than I've been in I don't know how long to see that this is something in other people's minds too -- and overall, when I get stressed out or something gets my head flying too high, I lose my capacity to think, and I tend to ramble. I will do my best to keep my Thinking mental function in the game, though that's difficult when I get emotionally excited :wink: 

(I can't post links yet...go on Google if you want, and search for "Touch and Human Sexuality"...it should be the first link)

My whole life, I've been absolutely, uncompromisingly obsessed with physical affection and romantic intimacy. This is because I have been deprived of it my whole life. The earliest I remember feeling those intense longings was in 5th grade, when I was 10-11 years old. Sat on the bleachers alone during recess all the time; always would be wishing that this girl I liked would come over and give me a hug or something. I never got that hug. 7th grade I started having a lot of problems, and though I don't remember my dreams often, most or all of the ones I remember having revolved around affection. Cut my face, went to the hospital, started out-patient therapy. Really liked a girl there; hugging isn't allowed where I went for therapy. She was discharged from the program before me -- saw her walking by a window, waved to her, and that was that. 8th grade just got worse; still no affection, and a lot of abandonment from friends and so on; 9th grade I was admitted to a psych ward, still had frequent fantasies about being in a relationship and having affection, fell in love with a girl at a hospital for the second time (hey, I'm a slow learner, cut me some slack :wink, same thing happened as before; so many things got messed up with so many women, blah blah woof woof, the only reason I'm saying any of this is so people here might be able to relate to me and feel some mutuality here. Might not be as good as affection, but talking to a like-minded person is a form of intimacy, for sure.

Anyway, when I was 18, I fell in love with this girl. She fell for me too. Problem was it's long distance; we'd talk on the phone, talk over the webcam, talk online, send each other a lot of letters and all that stuff. I still talk to her, but it's so hard to know what's going on when there's no proximity. 

Long story short: I've never been in a relationship. I've never kissed anyone. I've never "cuddled" with anyone (it still feels embarrassing to me to even think that word). I've hardly ever even hugged a girl in my life, and when I have, it's never been more than a social hug, which isn't a hug -- putting your hands on someone's shoulders for about 3 seconds or less 2 times a year is not what I would think of as a means of adequately meeting a person's needs. And as far as family goes, I hug my grandparents whenever I see them, and that's fine; but the connection that I feel I need isn't there. Don't get me wrong, I love them; but....well, I think you know what I mean. 

Anyway, yes:

I'm re-posting that link, because I think it's a good read. Compulsive masturbation? I've had problems with that ever since I was 14. I am convinced that my near-monastic existence has a lot to do with that. Pretty much my whole life without affection; it got bad during high school, which I did poorly in near the end, and it got so bad during my first year of college, I failed four out of five classes, dropped out, and basically started living in the basement, with 99% of my contact with other people occurring online. I have had so many psychological breakdowns I don't even think of them anymore, and I do my best to be happy. Still no affection, still no regular conversations with anyone I really like...and...

...the worst part is, you have to wonder...go back to the thread topic. Do you NEED affection? At this point in my life I am so worn down that I am willing to do anything to be happy. I don't care if it means forsaking physical affection forever, if that's what you're SUPPOSED to do to be happy. 

Do you NEED it? Is it a biological need? I was born prematurely and had to be hospitalized before I got to see my mom; I don't know how much of my early life played into my 'affectional development.' But do some people really have no wiring in their brain for affection, and are better off living without it? People here have mentioned that they can live without it, and even more than that, don't like the idea of having it at all. 

Do only some people need it, and do some people don't? Or is there psychological damage at the root of this? 

I have been bothered much, much less by my nearly completely isolated existence over time. However, neuroplasticity is real -- the brain is very adaptable. Sensory deprivation can, basically, make you retarded; am I coming to peace with myself, or has my brain been so broken down by stress, anxiety and sensory deprivation that I'm getting brain damage? 

Realistically, you can't obsess about it; your life is what it is, and people all over the world live with horrible conditions, and plenty of people have to live with brain damage. So it seems to me less of a personal matter than a collective one: would the world we're living in be better off with more affection across the board? I say yes, but I'm sure some people say no. The matter is whether or not it's a biological need; based on my experiences, I'd say that it is, because plenty of times I've felt like I'd rather physically starve to death than have to live such a cold and solitary life any longer.

-sigh-

So I'm taking this title literally. Is physical affection a need? Or is it a want? Or is it like food, where some is required, but it's easy to indulge more than you have to? 

Personally, after a lifetime of starving for it and spending months and months and months writing out romantic fantasies and poems, getting lost inside my head and having nearly endless anxiety and chronic fatigue and depression....well, I'd like to believe that it is a need.

So if affection is a need, perhaps it's....I was going to start talking about how you can feel clear-headed when you're in really lousy condition, or how certain pains stop bothering you after a while, but the underlying cause and damage remain untended, and continue to do harm silently...

...

...well, I know one thing. Regardless of whether or not it's a biological need, I think I'd have a few less thousand pages on my computer and a lot less time living in shadow-function world if I had any affection or interpersonal closeness in my life. 

And I know I talk a lot, and a lot more than most people, but everyone who's posted in this thread has had the same experiences as me, in the fact of being a human being and merely growing up in different circumstances and situations. So what note does that let us end on?

We're all a part of this forum because humans are social beings. Affection or not, at least in one way or another, we need other people....................<SYNTAX ERROR/> 

That is my brain saying it wants a hug. Maybe I need it, but maybe if my pet ladybug I had about 10 or so years ago hadn't died, I wouldn't be saying that right now. 

Put a piece of lettuce out for it. It stayed by my bedside for 5 days. That's probably more than I'll ever be able to say about any woman I might meet! 

Oh no!! Now I'm depressed :c 
-sad face-

(hey, if laughter's the best medicine, I'm taking as much of that stuff as I can)


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Okay guys, here are my personality disorder test results:

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Low


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## parallel (Aug 18, 2009)

> I have never had any physical affection in the past, but now that I know that I have someone who wishes to be physically affectionate with me, no, I don't think I could. :happy:


 Pretty sure that will be my thought in the next year or two when I can't take it anymore and have to lower my standards :crazy:.


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## Peege (Nov 16, 2009)

NatalieAnne said:


> I hate talking on the phone- I like to be there with people and read their body language etc. One reason is that I was a dancer for many years, and so my kinesthetic awareness is very strong. I learnt from a young age that self expression is limited by solely using words.


I agree! I much prefer someone being actually with someone where we can really read each other than to try to talk on the phone (and silence isn't awkward when you're in person, at least for me, but over the phone it basically feels like "Ok, I guess we're supposed to hang up now"), let alone over IM or something like that. And of course IM seems to be what everyone prefers nowadays, which is about as impersonal as you can possibly get. Have to say I got my fill of that in high school when I was in boarding school and it was pretty much my only choice to talk with the outside world, but now that I theoretically have a CHOICE not to use it, I don't. Unfortunately, everyone else seems to consider it as an acceptable way to be "social" while all sitting at home alone, so I just end up at home alone not really talking to anyone. *sigh*

Anyway, back to the main topic...nope, can't live without it, though it seems I have to anyway. I've never really known when it was or wasn't appropriate to hug someone or what have you, so I tend just not to out of some deep fear of rejection. In turn, they think I'm just not affectionate or very uncomfortable with it (since I think the same thing about them). So, in the end, the only physical affection I ever get is hugs from my mother when I see her every few months, and those just feel hollow because of all the issues I have with her (she's really codependent and unsure of herself and so, though she won't admit it, expects me to meet every one of her emotional needs and give her validation on whatever she might say or think, but then the moment I try to actually open up to her with any real depth she gets uncomfortable and changes the subject. And of course if I call her out on what she's doing, she either has a set of excuses du jour or, if anything does get through about how she's making me feel or the fact that she's driving me away from her emotionally, she gets really upset, blames her behavior / how she feels on my sister, and then a day or two later it's as if I never even said anything.)


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## 4everCharmed (Nov 17, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> I don't really mean sex. Hugging, kissing etc is more of what I'm talking about.
> Could you live without it?
> Is it really that important? Do you feel it's vital in strengthening a relationship?
> 
> ...


welll I been kinda living the 20 years of my life so far without much physical affection lol.. my family isn't much of the touchy-feely types so I'm not openly, physically affectionate with other people either. I can probably survive without it.... but I do yearn for it and would like it with someone close if I could and would do it all the time with that person.:tongue:


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## KingKong (Jul 26, 2009)

I would RATHER live without it...


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

I'm going through a phase where I feel I need it. No doubt this will pass and I'll be all cagey again :crazy:


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

I had one ex in particular who took physical affection levels over the top. Sometimes I felt like screaming and hitting something because he wanted to hug and kiss entirely too much. 

So could I live without it? Probably, yeah; however, I think a once-a-day hug and kiss would be decent.


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

I usually feel I have to do things to keep a partner happy. 
I'd like to meet someone who didn't mind if I went all shy all of a sudden...
Oh to dream... :bored:


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