# INFP Male - Destructive Dating Patterns



## moniclemem (Nov 12, 2016)

Hi all, I'm an INFJ female who has had a series of bad experiences with INFPs. I started to notice the pattern a year and a half ago, and it's unfortunately made me both wary of INFPs and morbidly determined to break the cycle. The latter because I feel a strong immediate chemistry with and magnetism towards INFPs that I haven't been able to experience with any other type. 

Without fail every time I meet someone that catches my attention (which is rare) he ends up being an INFP. Despite the repeated negative experiences I've had, I find myself once again pulled by the excitement of connection, and it always seems to go the same. Immediate electric spark, addictive interpersonal behavior (extensive discussions about everything, sharing of ideas, oversharing of personal information on both ends, constant time spent together/chatting online/talking on the phone/texting--hanging out for days on end with little to no sleep) and then a dark side of these people comes out: using the personal information/experiences/feelings I've shared (which are difficult for me to share) against me, accusing me of being closed off (though I feel I'm being a lot more open with these people than is natural for me), general distrust towards me, and addictive behavior in general (constant, excessive drinking/drug use). All of these culminate into a lot of verbal abuse and gas lighting. 

Has anyone else has this experience with INFP males? I've experienced these issues in both long and short term relationships. I feel like my dating life is becoming a Groundhog Day nightmare--a cycle which has come to include constantly googling "INFP/INFJ compatibility" and "INFP males"...

I know the most logical thing to do is to just avoid INFPs, but it's hard to let go of the connection I feel to them. Two of my best friends are INFPs (one male and one female), and I've had a lot of ups and downs with both of them, but they've both enriched my life and supported me in fundamental ways. Even looking back on past negative dating experiences with INFPs, I can't help but feel affection towards them. Even if the relationships didn't end well, the connections I felt with each of them still feel meaningful to me.

Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## leictreon (Jan 4, 2016)

Maybe you're attracting the worst of the bunch?


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## wums (Nov 25, 2013)

If you are addicted to people who keep hurting you, the problem is internal. Lower your expectations, raise your standards, or start paying more attention to who they really are upfront.

That said, INFPs are addicting to NFJs because they leave all our Fe projections hanging there. It can feel like we have tons of room to be free and passionate and in a sense that's true but also there's no free lunch. Exercise your Se (find ways and outlets to translate and express your Ni to people) and the pattern should balance itself out a bit.


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