# ISTJs and ISFJs: On being taken advantage of:



## Sabrah (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi, everyone. This applies to all SJ types, but mostly to ISTJs and ISFJs. 

So, what are your experiences in people using you? Our work ethic is often abused, so I want to delve a little deeper into the subject. Anyone have thoughts, stories, questions, or theories on this subject?

My current thoughts: I'm never taken advantage of because I'm blind to the manipulation of other people. Often times, I will know full well that someone is "manipulating" me, but I won't care because I am only interested in getting done whatever needs to be done. I guess this can be viewed as passive behavior, but I think the "manipulative" people aren't actually as in control as they may think (haha). 

Also, I am better at recognizing emotional manipulation than people may realize. Often times I will either go along with it to simplify things, or I will completely ignore it.


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## Medusa Miasma (Jul 13, 2014)

...I suspect that I might be an ISFJ (it's one of the types I'm undecided about), and I hope that kind of counts. As it stands, I feel like there's only one person who really takes advantage of my general free time.  At least I don't feel put upon by... pretty much anyone else. I keep to myself a lot, so I am probably not even first on the list for many people in my life to do things (even if I technically could do them)- I don't mind that. 

This may not be an xSFJ ability, but I'm sensitive (and react badly) to emotional manipulation. I think that people who regularly try to guilt others or otherwise mess with them via emotions are dreadful. As such, I definitely don't see myself playing along with people who might try that on me. Pulling rank is unfortunately more effective, but I'll still be very disgusted with the person that does it, even if I carry out their demand (for fear of reprisal from someone with power over me).

By the way, if you don't mind me asking, was there a specific reason why you wanted to ask SJs - especially the Si-doms - about being taken advantage of? Does it have to do with all of the narratives about SJs being 'the backbone of society' and such? Or maybe because you wanted to talk about a connection between the combination of Si and Fe/Te that may affect people who use those functions above all others and how they are looked at by others?

In either case, I hope people will come by and talk about it.


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## Eckis (Feb 7, 2013)

I am a bit of a pushover when it comes to this sort of thing, but in my case I generally am open to help in whatever way I can, so it always confuses me when people try to be "sneaky" about pushing their work on me. All you have to do is ask, the odds of me saying no to some small task are practically zero. Of course, there are lines that I don't like being crossed; I'm not going to do all of your work for you. . . but, to my shame, I might if you give me a believable excuse. So, yes, sometimes I let others take advantage of me, but for the most part, I do _want_ to help out. (and I think that is what makes some people so quick to abuse that about some SJs -- they figure that we want to help anyway so whatever work they put on us is alright.)

Hope I answered the question!


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## Sabrah (Aug 6, 2013)

Medusa Miasma said:


> ...I suspect that I might be an ISFJ (it's one of the types I'm undecided about), and I hope that kind of counts. As it stands, I feel like there's only one person who really takes advantage of my general free time.  At least I don't feel put upon by... pretty much anyone else. I keep to myself a lot, so I am probably not even first on the list for many people in my life to do things (even if I technically could do them)- I don't mind that.
> 
> This may not be an xSFJ ability, but I'm sensitive (and react badly) to emotional manipulation. I think that people who regularly try to guilt others or otherwise mess with them via emotions are dreadful. As such, I definitely don't see myself playing along with people who might try that on me. Pulling rank is unfortunately more effective, but I'll still be very disgusted with the person that does it, even if I carry out their demand (for fear of reprisal from someone with power over me).
> 
> ...


Sort of. Many users on here demonstrate a distorted interpretation of the SJ work ethic. You will find many people referencing us as "worker bees" or even "mules." ISTJs and ISFJs are characterized by a strong work ethic and sense of duty, so they are two types on the very receiving end of this stereotype. I think it is very strange that they do not respect hardworking people, so I kind of want to see what both sides are saying about this. 

Here are a few myths about SJs.
1. SJs are super-conformists who dislike anyone or anything different. 
2. SJs listen to authority always and no matter what.
3. SJs are to afraid to be different or to break the rules.
4. SJs are uncreative.
5. Si is a cognitive function specifically geared towards keeping things the same. 
6. SJs make up at least 40% of the population. (This one is really up for debate. There is no substantial evidence for this claim. For example, ISTJs are said to be anywhere from 6% to 11% of the population. As I have observed, sites claiming 11% are usually commercial, both lacking sources and riddled with stereotyping. Sites claiming 6% are usually reputable. Most of the population is not familiar with MBTI; This illustrates just how much we have left to guess.)

So, I think this is where all the "mindless worker bee" attitude towards SJs is coming from. Who knows? Maybe they secretly envy those qualities. While others are thinking that SJs are too afraid to refuse or that they are stupid enough to be tricked, I think SJs are mostly aware of people who want to use them. It is simply our knowledge of what needs to be done that wins higher on our priority list than anything else.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

It happens often enough. Sometimes I'm ok with it, but sometimes I'm not. Regardless, the person using me will (usually) be aware of my sentiments. SWMBO says that I don't suffer in silence.


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## aniareilean (Apr 27, 2014)

I'm living in a place shared amongst six other people (not including myself) I got shafted cleaning up after them (plus they're super messy! and they bring their friends over and it gets even dirtier)... I don't even know how that happened? I think it was because my habit of cleaning/straightening things up without being told... it was things settled in the natural order of things, I guess  I probably also have a lower threshold of being able to tolerate uncleanliness. Seriously, seeing food particles in the sink and dirt tracks on the floor/bathroom, I can't be at peace until it's settled. lol. Looking at other people's messes make me feel extremely uncomfortable and it's not even my mess? I do kind of resent it, but I just stuff it up and deal with it, because I'm too nonassertive to call them out on it. Sigh. I think one of these days, knowing myself, I'll probably blow up at them.

Also if somebody asks a favor from me, even the most far reaching ones, I'm always usually very charitable even though it inconveniences me and puts me at a detriment -- i.e., my roommate randomly asked me to drive 1 hr and back at 11pm to pick up her niece & nephew so they could visit for a couple days even though I would have much preferred spending the evening at home. 

People will ask me whenever they want favors/tasks done for them, and they'll be like, "Are you okay? Is this okay?" And I'll put on a beaming face and be like, "Sure! No problem! Not a trouble at all!" (even though that's a total lie and sometimes I resent it...)

HALP. I DO GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AND I AM UNABLE TO ASSERT MYSELF. CRY ;_;


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## phoenixmarie (Jun 28, 2013)

It has happened to me more than I'd like to admit. In high school, I'd always be doing assignments for people, or being copied off of, or completing a group project myself, all because I couldn't bear to see any of my friends fail to graduate. It got a bit taxing over time, with the same people asking me to do their work while they socialized, but I don't think I ever refused. It's happened emotionally as well, with a certain friend coming to me for help practically every day (I convinced her not to commit suicide many times, told her every day how wonderful she is, and never refused to listen to her and give advice when she asked), and then at the end of our friendship she told me how horrible, selfish and cruel I was, and how I'd never helped her or cared about her at all. It's painful to think about. But if she ever reached out for help again, I'd forgive her in an instant. It's completely stupid, I know, but I'm so forgiving of people. I wish I wasn't.


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## XZ9 (Nov 16, 2013)

It's okay to feel selfish as long as you don't feel guilty about it.


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