# what does marriage mean to you? is it important?



## conformità (Mar 14, 2010)

i recently started thinking whether or not i ever wanted to get married. I like the idea because i like the whole commitment aspect of it and the idea that i will be spending the rest of my life with someone i truly love, but what difference really would saying the vows make,, having a marriage certificate would not make any difference to me,, how about you??


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

a piece of paper and a minister can't tell me that my relationship with my SO is somehow stronger

if i can't love a girl 100% out of marriage then i can't love her that much while in a marriage

it's just an action of tradition that has a lot of hype around it. it is an announcement to the people in your life of your bond to another person

I would only marry if my SO wanted to for the sake of tradition and formality. but i'll be damned if a girl wants me to marry her because she thinks it will strengthen our relationship. that is bullcrap.

imo marriage is a tradition invented by Fe users. i don't require it. my love is internal and eternal.


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## Closet Extrovert (Mar 11, 2009)

Here's my personal view:
I think that marriage takes commitment and responsibility, and it seems (from the high divorce rate) that people don't know what they're getting into when they get married.
I haven't ever been married, and I wouldn't want to go down that road unless I was 110% committed to that person and ready for the responsibility that comes with it.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

Marriage is in the mind. I think it best to find a person who psychologically and spiritually challenges you (oh, and shares many of the same interests). This, I have found, enriches life greatly. The whole legality of it is for monetary purposes only, which is nice.


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## KrystRay (Jun 16, 2010)

Marriage just makes it harder to break up. Thank God I didn't go through with it. All of my friends are in what I call a "Starter Marriage." Generally failing within the first three-five years, they decided to get married on an emotional whim and didn't expect any problems along the way. I'm all for living with someone before I marry them. I need to know what kind of person I'm going to be stuck with. I'm in no rush, but my mother and grandmother are putting the pressure on me.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

marriage is dangerous, married people are more likely to commit murder


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## Isildin (Aug 4, 2010)

My dad is at his third marriage, my mom is at her second marriage.
Half of my family has divorced someone.

Marriage to is nothing but a useless ritual that creates entirely too many expectations


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## AirMarionette (Mar 13, 2010)

Condemnable doom.


...It's really just a piece of paper in which people attempt to solidify their relationship legally. I abhor the idea of it. Like ETG, I think it is in the mind.


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## fn0rd (Mar 21, 2010)

Marriage is an outmoded concept in which neither the State nor any Ecclesiastical/Ecumenical/Theological body has any fucking business sticking their nose into. 

If people weren't such sheep and knew the origins of the ceremonial symbols, especially in this day of women's liberation, they'd take the ring and piece of paper and destroy them both. But, SHIT no... people gotta have that diamond and marriage certificate. Idiots.

Is it important? No, not to me it isn't.


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

Unhappily married people are an incredibly profitable resource. If people stopped getting married/divorced, that resource would dry up and a lot of high-paying professions would cease to exist. The exploitation of stupidfolk is what keeps the economy humming along.



KrystRay said:


> I'm in no rush, but my mother and grandmother are putting the pressure on me.


Don't you have your own mind?


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## antiant (Jul 4, 2010)

Marriage means nothing to me, since I don't believe in the whole concept of it.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

I've been married twice. I think I'll be leaving it at that.

I think at one point I understood why people got married. My expectations have been shattered in so many ways. . . .


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

conformità said:


> i recently started thinking whether or not i ever wanted to get married. I like the idea because i like the whole commitment aspect of it and the idea that i will be spending the rest of my life with someone i truly love, but what difference really would saying the vows make,, having a marriage certificate would not make any difference to me,, how about you??



Marriage is about the vow I took that I would be with my husband for better or for worse, and unlike some couples who seem to think when the going gets tough you can always get off that ride, I take it seriously and am committed to this for as long as I shall live. I guess if you don't see marriage in this light then it isn't going to have any significance for you. 

I always remember watching this episode of Dr Phil once, and he said, If you think your marriage is over, you have to earn your way out, try every avenue you possibly can before giving up. That said, I'm no quitter.

There is also a spiritual aspect for me with getting married.


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## xezene (Aug 7, 2010)

Well, the most important thing to me is the relationship...everything else is secondary.

I suppose it would be up to the girl, if she wanted to or not. Kids might play a part in the decision. It would probably be just great even without marriage though.

But my parents have had a happy marriage for 21 years, so there is proof it can go right sometimes, if the couple allows each other to change. :happy:


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## KrystRay (Jun 16, 2010)

rousse said:


> Don't you have your own mind?


Don't you have a family who raised you with expectations? My guess is probably not. How dare you judge me for wanting to honor my family. It would probably do you some good to set some standards for yourself seeing as how you were brought up without any.


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## reyesaaronringo (Dec 27, 2009)

i think you have to put marriage in context to understand it's meaning. 

from what i remember of my anthropology class marriage started as a way to stop fighting between tribes. the idea being that if you had kin in the next tribe it would be hard to rape and pillage it. it evolved to the foundation of the family we now have, over lots of time.

i don't remember all of its functions but one important one is the recognition by the group of a change in status. they are no longer single they are married. they have exclusive sexual access to each other.

marriage is cultural with strong ties to the past. because of it's cultural significance it tethers us to each other. so in a culture that is not very cohesive, marriage seems to lose its meaning.

i have noticed that over time our system has changed institutions like this into a shell of it's self. it's common to hear "i'll get married for the tax benefits". i don't think government should be in the marriage business; civil union maybe. there are practical matters like estates and powers of attorney to concider but no more in my opinion.

similarly i think the spirit of holidays has been bastardized over time. it's a reason to shop or get drunk not to come together and reflect. i mena i all for going boozin' and spending dough once in a while but moderation would be nice. holdays aren't holy days anymore is what i guess i'm getting at.

needless to say i do believe in marriage and not in some romantic way. i think it's an important institution.


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

KrystRay said:


> Don't you have a family who raised you with expectations? My guess is probably not. How dare you judge me for wanting to honor my family. It would probably do you some good to set some standards for yourself seeing as how you were brought up without any.


Touchy, touchy!!


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

KrystRay said:


> Don't you have a family who raised you with expectations? My guess is probably not. How dare you judge me for wanting to honor my family. It would probably do you some good to set some standards for yourself seeing as how you were brought up without any.


I see nothing wrong with this viewpoint, on the other hand I think some people go along with family tradition and expectations a bit blindly as if to say "my ancestors could do no wrong" when in fact they very well could be as all humans are subject to error since we are not perfect.

It would definitely be a factor for me, but family expectations would never be the only thing I focus on when making a decision about what i do in my life. After all I am my own person, I am not controlled by other people even if they are my family. I take any family expectations as merely suggestions.

Tradition is an enjoyable part of life, but it also prevents the potential weeding of mistakes to be repeated in the future.


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## katerp (Apr 26, 2010)

I'm kind of ambivalent about marriage. It's definitely not a goal I have for my life. I don't believe in the idea that you should be married by the time you're this age or you should marry someone after you've been with them X amount of years. It really is just a contract to me. The commitment is internal not on some piece of paper, so I feel like going through with marriage is more about the "practical" concerns (like gaining legal benefits and I guess to simplify things for your kids if you plan on having them). Plus knowing a few couples who are only still married to avoid having to go through a messy divorce, I feel like there's something romantic about a couple who's not married and could just walk out on each other at any time with no mess but choose to stay together everyday. I feel like that takes more of an emotional commitment than just staying married to someone. I don't think marriage really brings you closer together, it just makes it harder to leave. I do know for sure that if I ever do get married I absolutely won't have a real wedding, I'd just get a quickie wedding at the courthouse and probably not even tell anybody until after it was done. The concept of spending all that time planning all these tiny details no one cares about and spending tens of thousands of dollars on a party for one day does not appeal to me at all. And it seems like too many women put so much focus on being "bride" for a day that they forget about the whole being "wife" for a lifetime part that comes after.


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## azrinsani (Jul 31, 2010)

Errr... guys, may I interrupt? I think it's rather common sense here .....

*Isn't the purpose of Marriage is to allow for sex and have children?*

Knowing that women have to sacrifice a lot in such relationship... Isn't it fair that a knot is tied? So that one can't just simply run away during a fall in relationship?; and work it out instead?


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## katerp (Apr 26, 2010)

But you're not _required_ to get married to have sex or to have children, especially in modern times. Now most people have sex before they get married and there are plenty of children born to unwed parents. 
Taking into account how much work and sacrifice is put into a relationship I'd say yes, it is nice for a commitment to be made. But I think a commitment is shown more by the effort each partner puts into their relationship everyday than by the presence or absence of a marriage license. After all considering how common divorce is it seems there are many people who run away when things get rough despite being married.

If I was married and my husband and I were going through some hard times I would hope he'd stay with me because he cared and genuinely wanted to stay and work it out. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like if his only reason for sticking around was because he felt legally obligated to, I would rather he leave.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

katerp said:


> But you're not _required_ to get married to have sex or to have children, especially in modern times. Now most people have sex before they get married and there are plenty of children born to unwed parents.


Just because alot of people do it, that doesn't make it right. I'd say they are selling themselves short personally. I would never have planned to have a family outside of wedlock. What is wrong with people's morals these days? (or rather the lack of). The whole idea of respect for each other in a relationship errodes because of this thinking. Marriage is a symbol of respect, you are saying that you will declare it in front of people and God, that you are commited to the one person.


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## i2sunshine (Aug 12, 2010)

I think, a couple must be wise if they wana have a long and happy marriage life.

Many married people easily lose passion and feel numb when they stay together as a matter of routine day after day. They try to change such situation by asking help from a marriage consultant, by having a new lover or by breaking up. So some people say, "marriage is the tomb of love."

I think marriage means commitment and responsibility, but means more. A couple need to enjoy sweet time but also hard time. They have to "work hard" on their marriage business. One cannot easily say that I don't love him/her anymore. In most of cases, we don't know our true feelings until we lose our lovers. 

So before getting married, we need to ask ourselves whether we're ready. Me? I am not sure whether I can "enjoy" hard time in my future marriage. :mellow:


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

azrinsani said:


> Errr... guys, may I interrupt? I think it's rather common sense here .....
> 
> *Isn't the purpose of Marriage is to allow for sex and have children?*
> 
> Knowing that women have to sacrifice a lot in such relationship... Isn't it fair that a knot is tied? So that one can't just simply run away during a fall in relationship?; and work it out instead?


If i have to rely on heavy obligation and being semi-permanently bound to somebody by law or god or whatever in order to stay with somebody through hard times, what does that say about the stability of that relationship

At least when you are just in a lesser relationship with somebody you can just break up when things get rough and if things end up working out again in the future you can maybe get back together.

but why is it that when people form a connection that they HAVE to stay together no matter what?

maybe people would actually get a better image of who to look for that would work well for them if they could simply use a trial and error method more easily in this society that seems to want everyone to get their partner right the FIRST time!


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

OmarFw, clearly you have no idea about marital relationships. To be frank I find the comments of your last post a bit immature. You are clutching at straws too.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> OmarFw, clearly you have no idea about marital relationships. To be frank I find the comments of your last post a bit immature. You are clutching at straws too.


I have no experience being in one obviously. I've never been married. But looking around I see everyone getting married for the wrong reason and I'm kind of tired of it. So many of my friends no older than me are married now to people they've only known for maybe 2 years max and I guarantee you most of them will not last. Most of them did it out of family pressure and religious expectations too. It will end up being nothing more to them than a waste of time and money when they realize they aren't happy together. Either that or they'll stay together because they feel it's a sin to divorce like so many people do and they'll lead miserable lives.

People treat commitment like it's some kind of game and then wonder why it doesn't work out in the long run.

Tell me, how is a marital relationship different than a non-marital one? Why do people believe that there is a difference? How is it somehow impossible for me to climb to that level of connection with my SO without getting married?

So no I don't know anything about being in a marital relationship. but do I know about relationships? you bet your ass I do. and I can't help but wonder what the differences are that aren't simply ones that we human beings have decided to be there and are only held there by pure tradition and belief but are nonetheless stupid and figments of fantasy.

A connection is a connection, there is no physical or mental act that can further that. It's either there or it's not. It can have different forms of course, but it does NOT by any means vary in level or strength.

If I can't open up to a girl 100% out of marriage then I sure as hell can't do it somehow when in a marriage.

Marriage to me represents nothing but obligation. Obligation to do what everyone else does JUST BECAUSE. Just because humans are comfortable with doing what everyone else does because that doesn't involve conflict or rejection from other people most of the time. there's no purpose behind it besides tax deductions, having an excuse to throw a party and announcing to the world that you are bonded with another person. Which I don't see all that necessary.

Am I aware that my expectations are extremely high? yes I am. And I'm okay with that. I'd rather be alone than unhappy.

Do married people have a problem with this view of mine? Of course they do. It challenges the basis of their marriage and pokes at them to question the real validity of it rather than allow them to blindly think that everything about their marriage is solid simply because they did things by the book and are just doing what everyone else is doing, and of course there's no way EVERYBODY could be wrong about something, right? :dry:

but please do tell me what the difference is. If I am missing some kind of vital piece of information I would very much like to hear it. Though I doubt that I am.


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## azrinsani (Jul 31, 2010)

I respect your opinion and understand where you're coming from

I just see it in a different way. Marriage is to allow for sex and sex should only be done after marriage. How would you feel if someone made your sister or daughter pregnant and run away with it?


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

Marriage isn't important to me. I can value the impact that a _good marriage_ has on the lives of other people but it doesn't have much to offer me. I'm not spiritual, religious, or conventional so the only reason I would probably get married would be for the legal benefits, and honestly I probably will get married eventually for those benefits. I'm all for commitment to a person or persons; I'm very determined and I do not give up on my relationships nor do I enter into a relationship lightly. I don't need a marriage to take my commitment to a person seriously and I don't need one to feel confident my partner is going to treat a commitment to me seriously. If I did feel I needed the obligation of a legal bond hanging over us to keep us working on the relationship I wouldn't be with them.


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## scarygirl (Aug 12, 2010)

conformità said:


> i recently started thinking whether or not i ever wanted to get married. I like the idea because i like the whole commitment aspect of it and the idea that i will be spending the rest of my life with someone i truly love, but what difference really would saying the vows make,, having a marriage certificate would not make any difference to me,, how about you??


I'm not pro-marriage, ditto.
I think marrying is a bad idea. I've said all my life I wouldn't marry, and now I'm very in love with someone that loves me, I have even clearer that marrying is not for us.
I think marriage is based in fear, to some degree. You ask your partner to marry you because you're fearful he'll leave you for any other, or his love may change.
The man I'm with right now, it's a bit older than me, but he has already lived a lot of things, and believe, he doesn't like marriage.
Love goes and comes, well, love does not, but attraction is a different thing. And although I'm mad for him, and he's mad for me, marriage brings a lot of problems. We're over all, friends, and if we were married things would be much more strict and boring.
Another thing is I think marriage is boring. And it's stupid to feel you gotta wear a ring around your finger to show you're loved or anything.

To me, and resuming, this is my real point, love is something not terrenal, and the best in the world, I say, so it makes no sense to tie it to a number of strict and boring rules.
Love has no bounds, and as a good thing I assume it is...marriage has no point.

Obviously, I don't oppose living together and those things. But I like things to be...relaxed.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

The more I think of marriage, it really is a personal commitment. The external signs of the relationship are meaningful in their own right, but the personal commitment is what is real.

For example, just because you've joined the Army doesn't make you a soldier. There is a world of difference between some guy in BDUs who does what he's told and a "soldier." The same applies to marriage. I see far too many people who think that if they wear a ring that they will be magically more committed to their partner. This is utter non-sense. 

Personally, I like the external signs too; swearing in front of families that you're for reals and wearing rings. The first, if done properly is to confidently testify that you'll be with your partner forever, not because of the stupid ceremony, but because you legitimately think he/she is awesome. The second is a great way to tell others who are on the prowl that they need not bother. I'm sure there are deeper reasons too, but I am greatly comforted by my wedding ring.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Yea, it's basically this.










Although srsly, the family is a staple of Western civilisation. It's where children learn proper morals and decency. It should be everybody's first fallback when they get into trouble (family or friends, I guess.) Family is something you have behind you that can catch you, especially immediate nuclear family. Parents should take an active role in raising their children and in later life, children should take an active role in assisting their parents at retirement.

We all know what happens to societies where there are things that are imposed to be more important than immediate family: be it state or religion or anything else. They're despotic hellholes. Western civilisation evolved to be family-oriented for a reason.


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## KrystRay (Jun 16, 2010)

In a more perfect world, I totally agree with you, but it is idealistic thinking. I would love to have all that, I mean, I aspire to be a Stepford Wife. Do I believe my life will turn out that way, not really. Statistics are against me (and probably you too) having a nice cozy little marriage. There are entirely too few people out there these days who will stick with someone when times get tough. "We had a great run, but I really don't think I'm in love with you anymore." I don't understand how people don't get this- love is an action word, not a feeling! No one knows how to stick to their commitments. Technology has turned things upside down on top of it. Where people didn't have options before, they do now. Don't get me wrong, I love my cell phone, computer, and iPod, but they're distractions. Whereas families used to sit around and talk, they watch TV instead. Couples drift apart because there is no communication. That and then God forbid people do the right thing instead of what they want to do... Again, in a perfect world, I would love life to be 1950's homemade apple pie happiness. I just don't think its realistic to expect that for my future though.


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## Zic (Dec 30, 2009)

Diphenhydramine said:


> snip.


Hypothetical situation #1
Jacob, male, 42, project officer at a local company
Christina, female, 39, public school teacher
They have two kids, Jay (15) and Anna (12).
They live in a quiet suburb, and visit their families at least twice a month.
They are married.
Are they a family? I guess they are.

Now take the same scenario, save the last sentence.
Let's say they are not married.
Are they a family?


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

azrinsani said:


> I respect your opinion and understand where you're coming from
> 
> I just see it in a different way. Marriage is to allow for sex and sex should only be done after marriage. How would you feel if someone made your sister or daughter pregnant and run away with it?


I understand your viewpoint. I just don't think marriage is the only way of showing and proving commitment. In fact nowadays people can marry and divorce so easily that it really isn't anymore effective than any other form of showing commitment.

In the end, there is no way to show commitment that you cannot take back, so they all work equally.

I also think that people should be responsible for themselves and if they make a bad a decision and end up with a kid then it is only their fault. But I don't see that as any reason to be abstinent until marriage. If anything, that just ensures that if the couple does split apart anyway after having the kid that the wife will be given child support.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

Zic said:


> Hypothetical situation #1
> Jacob, male, 42, project officer at a local company
> Christina, female, 39, public school teacher
> They have two kids, Jay (15) and Anna (12).
> ...


 Aha, good point.

What marriage is -- or rather, ought to be -- is a commitment between two people to stay together for life. In that environment, they can bring up children; whether they're stepkids, foster kids, whatever, I don't care. But marriage is a commitment that people are avoidant to break when compared relatively to ordinary relationships. People will go to all sorts of means to keep their marriage alive: and their family intact, in the process. 

I don't think single parent families work. I have had the full range of experiences and I have to say that the only thing having one parent ever did for me was bring me closer to my mother. I have been a much happier person precisely as a result of a dual-parent household both when my mother was married to my father and when my mother was married to my stepfather. Marriage embodies the commitment between two people to maintain their household. Without it, there are strong societal and cultural implications to remove the family altogether.


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## Scarlet Winter (Oct 25, 2009)

I believe in marriage, it's the ultimate declaration of love. It's saying I love you so much I don't ever want to leave you or be with someone else in this way. I am for you only in this way.... forever. They are saying they want to seal it before everyone. I realize it's gotten a terrible name due to people not taking it seriouly enough but just like love itself sometimes beautiful things can get a bad reputation, it doesn't make it so.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

OmarFw. I will try to make sense even though I am full of the flu....
I don't think anything I could say would change your mind actually. 

A pessimist will remain a pessimist until they are struck by the exception. The exception, is that one person who loves you so much that they would do anything for you and vice versa, maybe even marry you to show you just how much they plan on sticking by you. When you meet your exception you will remember what I have said on this thread and a light bulb will come on in your head. 

For me it was a simple decision because I knew within 4 weeks of seeing my husband that he was the one. This in itself was out there for me because it isn't in my nature to be that sure that fast. But I simply knew. Yes there are people who taint the reputation of marriage, but mine has worked for almost 12 years so far and I imagine it will last a lot longer. Marriages can work. Marriages do work. It's the conscious commitment you give, whereas in a non-married relationship you might walk out easily, in a marriage I think people are often more prone to staying and working on it. I don't believe that there is any such thing as a perfect marriage. The key is the work you are willing to put into it. As you sow, so you shall reap. It's true. And if the idea of a legal binding document doesn't sound very appealing, ask yourself why so many gay people are desperate to get their hands on a piece of said paper and to call their partner a wife or husband? It is human nature to crave this. Unfortunately some people have distorted ideas of marriage due to divorces in their family or something. But there are plenty of good marriages out there. My parents were married happily for 43 years, until dad's heart stopped beating. Don't be so quick to discount such a splendid idea.


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## obz900 (Mar 29, 2010)

I think I am an oddball when it comes to my concept of marriage. I am not a Christian, so I don't see it as some sort of ritual that I need to perform to become one with another human being and produce offspring. I also don't see it as a means to the American dream, which I couldn't give a shit about. Marriage to me is simply a way of saying, "I love you and I want to be with you forever." It's all good if you want to continue a relationship with someone until death, sans marriage, but I think getting married puts a certain seal on the deal.

I'm probably not making any sense at all am I? I think that defining marriage is becoming more and more important, especially as we are beginning to see the legalization of same-sex marriage in this country, along with the breakdown of the traditional American family.

I want to be married someday. I think it can be a wonderful thing if both partners see it the same way.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> in a non-married relationship you might walk out easily, in a marriage I think people are often more prone to staying and working on it.


So basically people believe they are destined to be torn apart by something and they need some kind of firmer foundation holding them together. I'm not so sure I like the idea of believing that also. I think if there were anything that could potentially cause me to stray away from the girl I love that easily, then it was not meant to be and at that point I wouldn't want to be forced to stay in the relationship.



kiwigrl said:


> Don't be so quick to discount such a splendid idea.


I once thought the idea of marriage was pretty appealing for quite a long time, until I spent some time actually thinking it through and I had a "wtf was I thinking" moment. It isn't some quick irrational standpoint I have.


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

conformità said:


> i recently started thinking whether or not i ever wanted to get married. I like the idea because i like the whole commitment aspect of it and the idea that i will be spending the rest of my life with someone i truly love, but what difference really would saying the vows make,, having a marriage certificate would not make any difference to me,, how about you??


in the UK (and presumably most of the western world at least) marriage used to be a legal state which meant that a woman became the legal property of her husband and anything she owned now belonged to him and was a lifetime commitment since divorce was extremely difficult, now the legal state of marriage and the marriage certificate (legal document) which accompanies it means property is shared between the two people in the marriage (like a legal partnership) and in the event of a divorce which is easily obtained these days needs to be shared out - this is quite a big difference that it would make to you
i think marriage is an overrated concept in this day and age, but from a legal standpoint there are a variety of benefits, not least of which is it makes things a lot easier from a legal standpoint when people die or are in a coma or something, but the negative point is that when people get divorced its horrible and the lawyers get rich

i think 'making vows' to a person you love is fine, i get why people in love want to say romantic things to each other and make declarations of love etc etc, but :
* do you want/need them to be legally binding, or 
* are they just personal promises to each other 

i realise all the above excludes the religious marriage where people actually believe they are making a contractual promise and commitment to another person in front of 'god', but even people who get married in church with the best intentions still get divorced these days, and then all of the above still applies to them too


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## ariana20 (Apr 18, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> ... one person who loves you so much that they would do anything for you and vice versa, maybe even marry you to show you just how much they plan on sticking by you..... For me it was a simple decision because I knew within 4 weeks of seeing my husband that he was the one. .. But I simply knew. Yes there are people who taint the reputation of marriage, but mine has worked for almost 12 years so far and I imagine it will last a lot longer. Marriages can work. Marriages do work. It's the conscious commitment you give, whereas in a non-married relationship you might walk out easily, in a marriage I think people are often more prone to staying and working on it.


i think you are very lucky, first you had parents who were happy and now you have found your 'one'. i'm not knocking it for one minute. but i do have a question (just a simple question with no agenda)...which is....

do you think that if you had just lived with your man rather than married him, do you think you both would
a) still be together and 
b) still be just as happy


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

KrystRay said:


> Marriage just makes it harder to break up. Thank God I didn't go through with it. All of my friends are in what I call a "Starter Marriage." Generally failing within the first three-five years, they decided to get married on an emotional whim and didn't expect any problems along the way. I'm all for living with someone before I marry them. I need to know what kind of person I'm going to be stuck with. I'm in no rush, but my mother and grandmother are putting the pressure on me.


Some people view marriage as a like a way of showing the person that you are with that you love them, care for them, and want to spend the rest of your life with them. Also, marriage is good for legal benefits and if you want to have children. Finally, marriage is good for hard core Christians who want be pure until marriage.

However, the idea of marriage personally disgusts me. I view myself as a lion able to run free out in the jungle. Marriage is like putting this lion in a cage, and no longer allowing him to run free anymore. Also, then if I get married and it goes to hell, then I lose half of my stuff. Plus, what if I meet someone else that I like even more than my current partner and decide that I want to get with them instead, then I am looked at as a monster by society. Plus, I don't want kids either. I see 100% no reason to limit my options, and put myself in the cage known as marriage.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

It would make a big difference to me -- because to me it's not "just a piece of paper" it's a public vow; a contract; a promise.
Not just between me and him, but also between us and God.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> It would make a big difference to me -- because to me it's not "just a piece of paper" it's a public vow; a contract; a promise.
> Not just between me and him, but also between us and God.


 Would you ever marry an Atheist?


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Diphenhydramine said:


> Would you ever marry an Atheist?


Never say never...
But I wouldn't want to.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

NatetheGreat said:


> I view myself as a lion able to run free out in the jungle. Marriage is like putting this lion in a cage, and no longer allowing him to run free anymore.


...and then after many years of terrorizing the savanna, the old lion starts to realize that his his joints are beginning to hurt, his vision is fading and he just can't keep up with the younger lions. Adding insult to injury, he begins to lose his taste for gazelle, having had so many. The old lion then stops standing up so tall, abdicating his position as king and realizes for once that he'd just like to lie down in the cool grass and just be. The lionesses that were once slaves to his dominance and ferocity begin to appear as friends and equals. With a tired sigh, the once spry lion releases his delusions of freedom and dominance to curl up next to his most favorite lioness and just be.

Even after many years together, from time to time the old lion still feels the call of the savanna racing through his veins and his pulse still quickens when the flash of a gazelle catches his tired eyes. He may even stand tall for a moment, patiently peering through the grasses at potential prey, but this feeling is as transient as the breeze and soon fades; a forgotten instinct from a bygone era. Forgetting about the gazelle and the thrill of the chase, his pulse soon abates and the lion returns to the warmth and stability of his mate's side.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

EmotionallyTonedGeometry said:


> ...and then after many years of terrorizing the savanna, the old lion starts to realize that his his joints are beginning to hurt, his vision is fading and he just can't keep up with the younger lions. Adding insult to injury, he begins to lose his taste for gazelle, having had so many. The old lion then stops standing up so tall, abdicating his position as king and realizes for once that he'd just like to lie down in the cool grass and just be. The lionesses that were once slaves to his dominance and ferocity begin to appear as friends and equals. With a tired sigh, the once spry lion releases his delusions of freedom and dominance to curl up next to his most favorite lioness and just be.
> 
> Even after many years together, from time to time the old lion still feels the call of the savanna racing through his veins and his pulse still quickens when the flash of a gazelle catches his tired eyes. He may even stand tall for a moment, patiently peering through the grasses as potential prey, but this feeling is as transient as the breeze and soon fades; a forgotten instinct from a bygone era. Forgetting about the gazelle and the thrill of the chase, his pulse soon abates and the lion returns to the warmth and stability of his mate's side.


Your wife is very lucky to have you.

And thanks. I'm now a slobbering mess of tears. You convey this message much more poetically than I do. My "But who will wipe your ass when you can't anymore?" just doesn't seem to have the same affect. Good post. :happy:


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## Reyna (Jul 11, 2010)

As for me, marriage is something that exists on a document and bounds you to a person. I could list several disadvantages but let's keep to the most important points. You can spend your life with a person with or without a marriage, it actually makes no big difference, but if you want to break up it's MUCH less complicated without a marriage than with one.
You have to share everything, you have to be always loyal, you have to compromise etc. But at least you love this person forever on a document. How sweet... ^^°


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> It would make a big difference to me -- because to me it's not "just a piece of paper" it's a public vow; a contract; a promise.
> Not just between me and him, but also between us and God.


imo this is one of the only decent reasons.

I don't personally believe that god is responsible for human commitments since we are all connected anyway and that outweighs any connections we form for ourselves as a species but if you're going to get married, than this might as well be the motivation. It's the only legitimate one I know of really.


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## Sweetish (Dec 17, 2009)

Marriage is a joke. A mental trick. The words mean nothing and emotions are impermanent. It represents an attitude that can easily sway. It's lawful purpose revolves around property rights and other legal protections or financial obligations. Legalized prostitution where 2 people get into the mind set of possessiveness.

I'll still side for equal legal rights, ya know, co-habitation to raise a family together for any 2 people who care about each other, but I've lost all respect for the traditional notion of marriage, well, for me anyway. There is still value to be found in fidelity and commitment, but some people completely don't understand that, won't even try. A ceremony, party, some photos, wedding gifts and piece of paper really don't make for significant replacements to old fashioned values and even then those handy morals can fail...

Better to just stay friends or fuck buddies or, well, -I've mentioned this before, but- become a monk. Hmm, I'd better come up with an awesome scalp tattoo 'cause I imagine that I wouldn't look so hawt bald.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

I'm living my life as a Muslim. Being a Muslim is my identity. So from my point of view, this is how I see marriage.

I don't marry a person because I love him. I will not have a romantic relationship with someone just because I love him. Love is unpredictable emotion, and I won't rely my decisions on something unpredictable. I've been through lots of time where some guy told me he love me and ask me to be his girlfriend. As much as I love and wants him, I couldn't say yes because I don't believe in the power of (romantic) love. There has to be something more than that. Something strong and unchanging.

I have life purposes. One of them, the most important purpose, is to love God and living my life in His way.

The person that I wanted to marry with will be the person with exactly the same passions and life purposes like mine. By having the same life purposes, he and I aren't just a romantic couple, but we are also life partners and best friends. We are committed to help each other to reach our life purposes. This also requires him to have the same beliefs with me, along with other goals. This is the kind of relationship that I crave. A relationship that is more than just about love.

It's like I'm a vessel and he is the rider (or vice versa). I was programmed to go to some place, so I'm looking for a rider whose also want to go to the same place. Therefore we can help each other to go to that direction. Love itself is just an added flavor.

I fall in love easily and I don't have problem with being loyal to someone. I was born for that. But I don't worship (romantic) love as much as most people do. My life is more than just about a romantic love. My life is about God and dedicating myself for humanity and all the people I love, whether it's my husband, my children, my parents, my friends, my colleagues, my clients, or people whom I don't know yet but they need my help. That's my way to show how much I love God.

Marriage is a must for me because marriage is a part of living in God's way. It help me to reach my life purpose, which is God and God only. I don't see marriage as a way to show how committed I am to love my partner. I see it as a tool to reach my life purposes, and I'm willing to find someone with the same passions to share my life with.

I prefer to be single than to marry someone just for the sake of love itself.


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## dalsgaard (Aug 14, 2010)

Marriage is on the way out. I would never consider marrying anyone. I don't need a 'bond' or a couple of spoken words to cement my relationships. It's enough that we are together; and realistically, we may not be together for ever - which makes 'together for an eternity' sound like a bad promise.


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## GiGi (Aug 13, 2010)

Marriage is saying to your partner that you are in this for good or bad. That you aren't leaving yourself and easy out just in case things don't work out. When you marry it is about the love you have for each other, but it's more than just that, it's saying you trust that person to partner with you through the world of dealing with family, finances, everyday problems, health issues, and on and on. When you marry someone that person should become the person you are most loyal to beyond friends, family and even children. (yes, I said children) 
Sometimes one of you changes your mind and wants out. If that happens you have to let them go. It sucks, but it happens. Sometimes the person you married is not the right partner for you. That's life. I would love for marriage to be roses every day, but it's not. The greatest gift your partner gives you is that you are no longer alone in the world. If your partner doesn't give you that feeling then something needs to be fixed or someone needs to move on.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

EmotionallyTonedGeometry said:


> ...and then after many years of terrorizing the savanna, the old lion starts to realize that his his joints are beginning to hurt, his vision is fading and he just can't keep up with the younger lions. Adding insult to injury, he begins to lose his taste for gazelle, having had so many. The old lion then stops standing up so tall, abdicating his position as king and realizes for once that he'd just like to lie down in the cool grass and just be. The lionesses that were once slaves to his dominance and ferocity begin to appear as friends and equals. With a tired sigh, the once spry lion releases his delusions of freedom and dominance to curl up next to his most favorite lioness and just be.
> 
> Even after many years together, from time to time the old lion still feels the call of the savanna racing through his veins and his pulse still quickens when the flash of a gazelle catches his tired eyes. He may even stand tall for a moment, patiently peering through the grasses at potential prey, but this feeling is as transient as the breeze and soon fades; a forgotten instinct from a bygone era. Forgetting about the gazelle and the thrill of the chase, his pulse soon abates and the lion returns to the warmth and stability of his mate's side.





pinkrasputin said:


> Your wife is very lucky to have you.
> 
> And thanks. I'm now a slobbering mess of tears. You convey this message much more poetically than I do. My "But who will wipe your ass when you can't anymore?" just doesn't seem to have the same affect. Good post. :happy:


Damn, it's like you reached through the computer and bitched slapped me with that comment. That was seriously incredible. I truly am impressed (I am not being sarcastic either). That comment almost makes me want to one day get married. You changed my life today with your analogy


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

NatetheGreat said:


> Damn, it's like you reached through the computer and bitched slapped me with that comment. That was seriously incredible. I truly am impressed (I am not being sarcastic either). That comment almost makes me want to one day get married. You changed my life today with your analogy



Thanks. I do what I can. Keep in mind that you're supposed to feel like the king of the jungle until you sincerely no longer wish to. I've seen a lot of "young lions" get married and it _always_ ends poorly.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

EmotionallyTonedGeometry said:


> Thanks. I do what I can. Keep in mind that you're supposed to feel like the king of the jungle until you sincerely no longer wish to. I've seen a lot of "young lions" get married and it _always_ ends poorly.


Omg, this is so true when it comes to ENFPs. I can't validate that enough. I think I was a young lion until I was in my 30s.


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## INFJGirlie (Jun 12, 2010)

I don't believe in it for me nor do I want children.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

EmotionallyTonedGeometry said:


> Thanks. I do what I can. Keep in mind that you're supposed to feel like the king of the jungle until you sincerely no longer wish to. I've seen a lot of "young lions" get married and it _always_ ends poorly.





pinkrasputin said:


> Omg, this is so true when it comes to ENFPs. I can't validate that enough. I think I was a young lion until I was in my 30s.


This is truly personal growth for me to hear this.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

WickedQueen said:


> I'm living my life as a Muslim. Being a Muslim is my identity. So from my point of view, this is how I see marriage.
> 
> I don't marry a person because I love him. I will not have a romantic relationship with someone just because I love him. Love is unpredictable emotion, and I won't rely my decisions on something unpredictable. I've been through lots of time where some guy told me he love me and ask me to be his girlfriend. As much as I love and wants him, I couldn't say yes because I don't believe in the power of (romantic) love. There has to be something more than that. Something strong and unchanging.
> 
> ...


Correct me if I am wrong, but I know a bit about Muslim culture as well. If you even have sex before marriage and also if you marry a non-muslim man, won't your family basically disown you? If so, this makes a lot of sense that you feel this way about marriage.


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## Nasmoe (Nov 11, 2009)

I look at marriage in a romantic way. Like it's just a way to show how committed and in love you are with a person. Other than that I don't think it's really that important that you have to or anything. It's just a choice not a goal.


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