# friends with benefits



## hotgirlinfl (May 15, 2009)

Have you ever had a friend with benefits?would you have one if you haven't,why or why not?


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

I had a friend who used to give me free discounts at Chick-fil-a, so yeah, it was pretty beneficial. But I was secretly going to McDonald's behind her back.


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## hotgirlinfl (May 15, 2009)

Emo Gangster said:


> I had a friend who used to give me free discounts at Chick-fil-a, so yeah, it was pretty beneficial. But I was secretly going to McDonald's behind her back.


 :laughing: that's a good one emo


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## Syn Exquisite (May 18, 2009)

Yes I have. I see nothing wrong with it as long as their is always communication.


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## mcgooglian (Nov 12, 2008)

I currently have none, would anyone care to be mine?


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

No, I never have. I don't see anything directly horrible with it, as long as either of them isn't in another relationship.


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

Silhouetree said:


> No, I never have. I don't see anything directly horrible with it, as long as either of them isn't in another relationship.


 
Ditto for me.


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## Ungweliante (Feb 26, 2009)

Hum.

Does it count if I have first had the benefit and then the friend? :happy:


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## Surreal Breakfast (Oct 24, 2008)

I have a friend with benefits lapse, she's uh... not doing too well (


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## TheHappyMinority (Nov 3, 2008)

It seems a recipe for heartache to me... Someone always ends up being more emotionally invested than the other...
I've seen a lot of friends do it, and I've yet to see one that ended mutually or without some tears...


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## ClubbedWithSpades (Mar 7, 2009)

2 out of my 3 past relationships ended up like this. We'd split, cool down, start talking again, then end up getting touchy.

That's not a good system. -_-



I don't enjoy getting physically close, without _some _feeling involved. While I don't see a big problem with fooling around with your friend every now and then, it's just not for me.

And if you're just doing it with everyone you know, and/or broadcasting it, that's not cool... romantic practices ought to maintain some level of sanctity.


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

Mmm, sex buddies..


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

Well; I did have flirt buddies - friends with flirting benefits..

I share Spade's ideas on everything she said.


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

The only sex buddy I enjoy spending time is the girlfriend sort.. I know there is all the available interpretations, but the key element IMO is that girl/boyfriend is self-explanatory.. If you are having sex with them, then they are a friend with whom you have sex.. A sex buddy.. Kinda stupid way of looking at it by some peoples definition I suppose. But hey, it does exactly what it says on the tin.. Advantage with girl/boyfriends is that you can have a relationship that develops beyond sex and into emotionally significant partnerships.


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## ChaosRegins (Apr 11, 2009)

*Same with Nyx. I had flirt buddies....couple of groping buddies. Fliched a feel from time to time. How nostalgic. Anyhow, I agree with Spades as well. You lovely's make good points. *


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## Fat Bozo (May 24, 2009)

yeah. it went really well until she got pregnant. then it got all complicated. :blushed:


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## NephilimAzrael (Oct 26, 2008)

Fat Bozo said:


> yeah. it went really well until she got pregnant. then it got all complicated. :blushed:


Same.. But I am glad.. Guess we should have worn the gloves. :laughing:


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

This is true for me and my friend with benefits, but in the end.... I LOVE SEX! We still get together now and then, but we made the decision to cool it after we had some issues.


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## musicalpyramid (Feb 2, 2009)

hotgirlinfl said:


> Have you ever had a friend with benefits?would you have one if you haven't,why or why not?


Never had one and wouldn't ever. Why? Simple reason is that for me it would never be enough. It would be inherently dissatisfying. I just can't see sex as simply something to enjoy in the moment on a physical level only. If I liked a girl enough to want to sleep with her then that would mean I would like her enough to want her to be my girlfriend. Yes the physically enjoyable aspect is nice but for me that 'works' because of an emotional connection and because the act of having sex demonstrates an attraction, bond or need that goes far beyond the simply the physical. 

If I was enjoying the sex then I would want to be enjoying it _all the time_, if I felt close to her and felt a connection I would want to feel that close and connect to her _all the time_. What I crave is closeness and inter-dependence that is constant, not fleeting. Permenant, not transient. The only way I can get that is through a relationship.

So being her friend and having sex but without being in a relationship with her would make me profoundly unhappy, the whole experience would be draining and self-destructive and so I would stay well clear, it would be very unhealthy for me. The same logic applies to one night stands for me, which is why I've never had one and never will. I know it would never be enough for me and would just cause me pain.


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## KerryLee (Jan 22, 2009)

Never had friend with benefits.. Honestly don't get it. Yer I mean ONS I have issue with but at least I can see that those who want sex without any emotional attachment it would be their thing, and for those who enjoy the novelty, and stranger sex etc .. but if you want to have sex with a friend more than once then why not try a relationship, in fact is it not a relationship anyway, albeit an unconventional one? I guess it makes me wonder that if you value their friendship and enjoy the sex, then what’s stopping you.. and yes someone ends up falling for the other, or emotional attachments develop naturally as regularly fornicating whilst being friends is bound to create some attachment..isn't it? Are people kidding themselves or do people really find it that easy? I can see how it's possible to not develop feelings for a stranger you have sex with, but a friend implies you think they are “nice” and you get “along” to begin with (plus to have sex with them you find them attractive also) and you ..well, know them, you are having sex with your friend, it's not just "getting off" as it where cos you..well, interact with them on other levels too.. that connection is there.. so.. oh I dunno, I just really don't get it I guess :frustrating: ..I know I couldn’t do it, and wouldn't want to.. I know I would be kidding myself that it wasn’t actually a relationship, when I knew it was; but that it was just a very casual one. I never had one either as I knew I'd feel used or would feel not worthy, not good enough for more than the casual sex that was being offered.


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## decided (May 17, 2009)

I share very similar ideas/feelings as musicalpyramid.

The physicality of sex is great, but if it's just that then it's only engaging me on one level, which I would find unsatisfying. I would rather experience sex within a stable relationship, where we are both emotionally invested in each other.

I don't have a problem with other people having friends with benefits, as long as neither of them have other partners. Although, sometimes I do feel like their time is somewhat wasted, when they could be finding/being with a long-term partner. It really all depends on their situation, and whether they're interested in that stuff I guess. *shrug*


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## Decon (Dec 9, 2008)

TheHappyMinority said:


> It seems a recipe for heartache to me... Someone always ends up being more emotionally invested than the other...


That's why I know I'll never be able to get into these kinds of things. I have have this problem. Aalo, as I said in another thread, if we're having sex, we're in a relationship.


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## pianopraze (Jun 29, 2009)

I'm so sick to death of getting hurt I don't want a relationship at all in some ways.

But I need the love and affection... 

I've thought about friend/benefits... but to me unless there is love/communion I just can't. It disgusts me.

I know from experience, I've had offers from gorgeous women for one night stands and I turned them down flat with no hesitations.


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## Female INFJ (Feb 27, 2010)

...all of this dirt is surfacing as i am considering dating again...​


hotgirlinfl said:


> Have you ever had a friend with benefits?would you have one if you haven't,why or why not?


never experienced this - now considering it, because of changes in my personality, and due to my past experiences. it doesn't seem that love / sex go together for me; as i don't seem to be connecting with emotionally supportive men, at first it 'seems' that i am in a relationship, then it turns out to be more about sex than about connecting. odd - maybe i've been meeting the wrong people? well due to this divide i am considering.



pianopraze said:


> I'm so sick to death of getting hurt I don't want a relationship at all in some ways.
> 
> But I need the love and affection...
> 
> ...


I feel this way - however I am not finding love and emotional support i need in relationships - so a divide has been created for me, between love and sex and that divide is getting larger, to the point where i am not considering the possibility of finding both together. and considering attempting relationships that begin with the initial intention of 'not being a relationship' to start with, or a 'friendly' situation. 



decided said:


> I share very similar ideas/feelings as musicalpyramid.
> 
> The physicality of sex is great, but if it's just that then it's only engaging me on one level, which I would find unsatisfying. I would rather experience sex within a stable relationship, where we are both emotionally invested in each other.
> 
> I don't have a problem with other people having friends with benefits, as long as neither of them have other partners. Although, sometimes I do feel like their time is somewhat wasted, when they could be finding/being with a long-term partner. It really all depends on their situation, and whether they're interested in that stuff I guess. *shrug*


I'm 30 - is part of this message true? i am looking for a life partner - and does fooling around in the mean time, take away from actively looking for the right person? i mean i'm not 21 any longer. i would think this type of situation would be unsatisfying - but i've been meeting some seriously hot people recently (i mean attractive to me, not 'hot' as a totally physical term) - and i wonder...



TheHappyMinority said:


> It seems a recipe for heartache to me... Someone always ends up being more emotionally invested than the other...
> I've seen a lot of friends do it, and I've yet to see one that ended mutually or without some tears...


i think maybe this makes sense. i wonder if this is the kind of thing i'm going to have to try to know whether or not i like it...hmmm my try everything policy seems to have worn out, i'll be 31 this Aug i feel i've changed so much already.


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## socalmtb858 (Jul 5, 2010)

Yes. But she got too attached. I felt guilty even though we agreed in advance that we weren't looking for a relationship.


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## OctoberSkye (Jun 3, 2010)

I don't think I could do it. One-night stands, okay. But, I don't think I could have regular sex with someone and not want something more. Even if I didn't feel an emotional connection to them in the beginning, I wouldn't want to take the chance of it developing and being unrequited.


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## AfricanQueen89 (Jul 10, 2010)

To each their own i guess.. but you need to know yourself before you get put yourself in such a situation


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