# I don't want to mess up my chances at sex and a boyfriend



## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

I'm going to see a guy tomorrow, and I don't want to mess up my chances at having sex with him. I don't want to say anything stupid that would turn him away from me.
He's a really nice guy and I (think I) would love to have him as my boyfriend for the next 2+ months. I really, really want to have a special SO this Christmas season.

Background:
My sex-life in a nutshell:
Virgin until marriage, crappy marriage (including crappy sex), divorce, a year of a lot of great relationships and a lot of great sex with women and men, the past two years completely avoiding dating and sex for various reasons (like trying to find myself and trying to not be gay and trying to not get hurt by men).

A couple weeks ago I finally contacted a guy who I started avoiding years ago after I stopped dating him. Last night I went with the guy on my first date with anyone in two years. 
I am going to see him again tomorrow, at his place.
By a narrow lead (though much ahead of my ex), he has been the most amazing man I have ever had sex with.
The first time we dated, I told him that I didn't think we could have a long-term relationship, because I thought I was mostly gay, though the main reason I broke things off was because I liked him and I was afraid of getting my heart broken. However, my heart got hurt anyway, at avoiding his efforts at being friends after that, even though I wanted to go out and do things with him. Also, I have thought about him from time to time throughout these past years, wanting to hook back up, but not thinking that I deserved to be taken back.

Last night, I told him sorry for avoiding his attempts at a friendship years ago. He said it was in the past and not to worry about it or something like that.

So, should I just try to keep my mouth shut about the following stuff and keep to small talk tomorrow and hope for the best, or should I confess some or all of my deep feelings / what's on my heart/mind to him?

Should I tell him that I haven't had sex in two years?
Should I tell him that I haven't dated in two years?
Should I tell him that he's the last man I've had sex with?
Should I tell him that I think he's amazing sexually or otherwise?
Should I tell him that I broke things off before because I liked him and I was afraid of him later breaking my heart?
Should I tell him that I'm really craving sex or that I'm really craving to have sex with him (or both or neither)?
Should I tell him that I think he's a really nice guy and that I appriaciate his respect for and compliments to me?

and ummm... (lol)
Should I offer to give him a back massage (with lotion) and if he says yes and likes it, I can offer to give him a *ahem* full-body massage?

Thanks for listening.


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## downsowf (Sep 12, 2011)

I've never said this before, but it sounds like you need to invite him to your place to get the sex over with. I get the impression that you want to jump his bones right when you see him. It sounds like the guy likes you, and I never think you should be worried about saying the wrong thing in fear that this guy will turn you away. The way I know I've met someone worthwhile is when they put up with all the stupid shit I say. I also wouldn't divulge your whole life story. If he asks then answer truthfully, but I don't think it's necessary to vomit about all the details of your sex life (unless he wants to hear it of course). Telling him he's the most amazing sex partner you've had, that you haven't had sex in two years , and haven't dated in two years right off the bat might have a negative effect. That's a lot of pressure to put on a guy…haha.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

If he matters no planning should be necessary besides personal settings.


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

Zletta said:


> So, should I just try to keep my mouth shut about the following stuff and keep to small talk tomorrow and hope for the best, or should I confess some or all of my deep feelings / what's on my heart/mind to him?
> 
> Should I tell him that I haven't had sex in two years?
> Should I tell him that I haven't dated in two years?
> ...


Don't do any of that right away. After you're already having sex with him, and you've gotten to a higher level of intimacy, you can talk about those things.



> and ummm... (lol)
> Should I offer to give him a back massage (with lotion) and if he says yes and likes it, I can offer to give him a *ahem* full-body massage?


Yeah, do that.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Sounds like after two years you're just going bonkers for sex, but it's actually kind of good that you took some time out to think about what you really wanted, and are actually re-connecting with someone you really like, so good for you.

On the other hand, "I would like a boyfriend for the next 2 plus months and the Christmas season" comes off as a bit...off...to me. Either you want a relationship or you don't, you don't hire a boyfriend for the Christmas season like he's a rental car, he's a human being with feelings, just like you are.

If you really like this guy, be honest about your feelings without coming across as needy or desperate. Sure, you can tell him you think he's awesome, but don't be all like "I have to have sex with you right now you are the last man I had sex with blah blah blah." You can tell him that LATER. 

In fact, I recommend you masturbate before you date. No joke.

The main thing you should be concerned about is your own tendency to avoid intimacy via casual sex and fear of getting your heart broken. Try to be brave, and also you can take it a bit more slowly so this isn't all so dramatic, like he has to be your boyfriend the first time you hang out with him again.

Good luck.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I suggest you might want to get yourself a nice bottle of wine to go with that masturbation. You need to chill out a bit. You come on that strong, that desperate, and you're going to do exactly what you are afraid of doing. I recommend some meditation and exercise might be useful as well.


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## downsowf (Sep 12, 2011)

fourtines said:


> On the other hand, "I would like a boyfriend for the next 2 plus months and the Christmas season" comes off as a bit...off...to me. Either you want a relationship or you don't, you don't hire a boyfriend for the Christmas season like he's a rental car, he's a human being with feelings, just like you are.


Yeah…I agree. I understand wanting a fling OP, but leaving someone on a whim while building up their expectations about the relationship is pretty cruel. Imagine being on the receiving end of your behavior. At first I would have fun with him, but I do think it's important to explain your intentions to him before he gets in too deep. Make sure to let him know that the relationship will be casual.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

downsowf said:


> I've never said this before, but it sounds like you need to invite him to your place to get the sex over with.


Yes, I want to get the sex over with hahaha. There isn't much privacy at my place. I'm hoping we'll have sex at his place.



downsowf said:


> I get the impression that you want to jump his bones right when you see him.


Yep, that's right.
Pretty much my body has been screaming to me "why the f*** have you been staying away from sex for two years when you love sex", and I'm kind of like getting chills right now just to think that I might be having sex tomorrow.
I'm really weird, I know.



downsowf said:


> It sounds like the guy likes you, and I never think you should be worried about saying the wrong thing in fear that this guy will turn you away. The way I know I've met someone worthwhile is when they put up with all the stupid shit I say. I also wouldn't divulge your whole life story. If he asks then answer truthfully, but I don't think it's necessary to vomit about all the details of your sex life (unless he wants to hear it of course). Telling him he's the most amazing sex partner you've had, that you haven't had sex in two years , and haven't dated in two years right off the bat might have a negative effect. That's a lot of pressure to put on a guy…haha.


You're right, and I pretty much know that, and my friend has told me basically that, but I need to keep hearing it to remind myself to not say these things yet. I have a tendancy to say what's on my mind, and often at bad timing, before I should.
__________________



StElmosDream said:


> If he matters no planning should be necessary besides personal settings.


Hmmm?


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

You think too much and you talk too much. "Do nothing, accomplish everything" that's my advice.

I really don't like your line where you're telling us that you want a boyfriend for 2 months + because it's bloody Christmas. Maybe you just have an unfortunate way of expressing yourself but I am glad that I am not the guy you're dating if you catch my drift. On top of that, sex is so overrated nowadays. Or should I say underrated? It doesn't matter, the outcome is basically the same.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

fourtines said:


> Sounds like after two years you're just going bonkers for sex,


Yep.



fourtines said:


> but it's actually kind of good that you took some time out to think about what you really wanted, and are actually re-connecting with someone you really like, so good for you.
> 
> On the other hand, "I would like a boyfriend for the next 2 plus months and the Christmas season" comes off as a bit...off...to me. Either you want a relationship or you don't, you don't hire a boyfriend for the Christmas season like he's a rental car, he's a human being with feelings, just like you are.


I want a relationship.
I need someone in my life right now... especially for the (U.S.) Thanksgiving & Christmas season.



fourtines said:


> If you really like this guy, be honest about your feelings without coming across as needy or desperate. Sure, you can tell him you think he's awesome, but don't be all like "I have to have sex with you right now you are the last man I had sex with blah blah blah." You can tell him that LATER.
> 
> In fact, I recommend you masturbate before you date. No joke.


Hahahahaha, I know, right?:laughing:
It's on my "checklist" hahahahahahahaha.



fourtines said:


> The main thing you should be concerned about is your own tendency to avoid intimacy via casual sex and fear of getting your heart broken. Try to be brave, and also you can take it a bit more slowly so this isn't all so dramatic, like he has to be your boyfriend the first time you hang out with him again.
> 
> Good luck.


Uuurrrrrrrg.
Doomed if I do and doomed if I don't.
I'll go crazy if I don't have sex, and if I do have sex I'll probably just start liking him too much again...:sad:

How do you not be intimate with someone you like while having sex with them?
I want the whole deal--tons of cuddling afterwards and all that jazz.
I might not even like him that much... I don't know... but my feelings get amplified so often:frustrating:.
_________________



tanstaafl28 said:


> I suggest you might want to get yourself a nice bottle of wine to go with that masturbation. You need to chill out a bit. You come on that strong, that desperate, and you're going to do exactly what you are afraid of doing.


Hahaha, I know, too bad I don't drink. I need to chill out a lot.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

downsowf said:


> Yeah…I agree. I understand wanting a fling OP, but leaving someone on a whim while building up their expectations about the relationship is pretty cruel. Imagine being on the receiving end of your behavior.


I've been dumped around Christmas before.



downsowf said:


> At first I would have fun with him, but I do think it's important to explain your intentions to him before he gets in too deep. Make sure to let him know that the relationship will be casual.





Usernamefoundyeyme said:


> You think too much and you talk too much. "Do nothing, accomplish everything" that's my advice.
> 
> I really don't like your line where you're telling us that you want a boyfriend for 2 months + because it's bloody Christmas. Maybe you just have an unfortunate way of expressing yourself but I am glad that I am not the guy you're dating if you catch my drift. On top of that, sex is so overrated nowadays. Or should I say underrated? It doesn't matter, the outcome is basically the same.


Yes, it's bloody Christmas, and my brother has a girlfriend, my sister has a husband, and my other sister has a boyfriend. Excuse me for not wanting severe jealousy during the holiday season. Even if my siblings all had no one, I would still want someone for myself for ME. I'm allowed to want to be happy.
I never said I'd break up with him after Christmas, I might date him for years, who knows. Who says I want a casual relationship? I said 2+ months, because even if I want to break up with him sooner than that, I won't, because it will hurt me more to be single again so soon. I don't think I'd be able to handle that.


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## downsowf (Sep 12, 2011)

Zletta said:


> Yes, it's bloody Christmas, and my brother has a girlfriend, my sister has a husband, and my other sister has a boyfriend. Excuse me for not wanting severe jealousy during the holiday season. Even if my siblings all had no one, I would still want someone for myself for ME. I'm allowed to want to be happy.
> I never said I'd break up with him after Christmas, I might date him for years, who knows. Who says I want a casual relationship? I said 2+ months, because even if I want to break up with him sooner than that, I won't, because it will hurt me more to be single again so soon. I don't think I'd be able to handle that.


Do what you want to lady. I inferred you wanted a casual relationship because having a holiday boyfriend doesn't sound like someone looking for commitment. I personally couldn't imagine staying with someone just because I'm lonely. I'd rather buy a pet, and if I was a woman, then probably a vibrator too. I hope you find happiness.


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## BradyNotTachy (Oct 24, 2012)

I'm not sure you need to tell him anything heavy like that tomorrow, that can wait. You two know each other from the past, be in the moment and let it go where it may. I have a feeling you'll have a great time.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

Zletta said:


> I've been dumped around Christmas before.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


"Severe jealousy??It will hurt you more to be single again? Some one for YOU alone??" *laughs* After reading your reply I just have to conclude that you are very nasty (but still young I hope) person. You just sound like a selfish brat who can't be alone. It's all about you you you. Not a good foundation for a relationship. Please, don't reply. I might get severely jealous of your intellect towards relationships and what it means to love someone.


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

@Usernamefoundyeyme

Her rationalizations don't make much sense, I will agree. The part where she left the guy yet wanted to be with him seems really immature.

But who cares?

She wants someone to keep her warm this winter, some guy apparently wants her. I assume to an ESFJ, having someone to host a holiday for is a big deal.

Whether or not they have a fling, or stay together for years, or she just uses him as a christmas decoration, doesn't seem particularly relevant.


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## Dope Amine (Feb 16, 2012)

Usernamefoundyeyme said:


> "Severe jealousy??It will hurt you more to be single again? Some one for YOU alone??" *laughs* After reading your reply I just have to conclude that you are very nasty (but still young I hope) person. You just sound like a selfish brat who can't be alone. It's all about you you you. Not a good foundation for a relationship. Please, don't reply. I might get severely jealous of your intellect towards relationships and what it means to love someone.


My friend, there is a deeper issue at work here... I understand why you might be upset about her statements, but there is no need to get aggressive. 


@_Zletta_, I am interested as to why having a partner is so important over the next two months. Why is it important to have a partner over this time? What would having a partner add to your life?


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## 626Stitch (Oct 22, 2010)

> especially for the (U.S.) Thanksgiving & Christmas season.


Why is it so important to you to have a man on your arm at this time. You should be aware that however you respond to this my response to your response will be something along the lines of "fuck society be your won person"


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## 626Stitch (Oct 22, 2010)

> "Severe jealousy??It will hurt you more to be single again? Some one for YOU alone??" *laughs* After reading your reply I just have to conclude that you are very nasty (but still young I hope) person. You just sound like a selfish brat who can't be alone. It's all about you you you. Not a good foundation for a relationship. Please, don't reply. I might get severely jealous of your intellect towards relationships and what it means to love someone.


snark snark snark snark snark - pretend not to care and be above it all


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## chimeric (Oct 15, 2011)

Damn, PerC's doing a good job on this one. Clap-clap.

OP--

After you have sex (since it sounds like that's likely going to happen), here's my advice:

1) Be honest in everything you say, but follow his emotional pace, rather than yours. Don't push anything on him or volunteer too much information. But don't be dishonest in anything you say, and treat him with warmth and respect.

2) Analyze your feelings separately. Write about them here, write about them in a journal, talk to a friend -- whatever helps you.

3) See him again. Have sex, don't have sex, whatever -- but don't _focus_ on the sex, or on trying to get a relationship out of him. Instead, get to know him as a person. Evaluate him -- do you genuinely like him? is he emotionally/mentally stable? etc.

4) Make sure that, at the same time, you have things going on in your life that are awesome and make you feel good and have nothing to do with him. Even better if they're both social and physical: Go running, join a dance group, etc.

5) If he ever treats you like crap (is dishonest, disrespectful, cold, or manipulative), don't put up with it. Trust your instincts if you start to feel consistently unhappy about the relationship. Doesn't matter how hot the sex is or even if he has other personally redeeming qualities.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

downsowf said:


> Do what you want to lady. I inferred you wanted a casual relationship because having a holiday boyfriend doesn't sound like someone looking for commitment.


Yeah, you're probably right. I'm probably not looking for a commitment. Maybe I'm looking for a rebound relationship--a rebound from the two previous years and more comfort from the pain and suffering of my past marriage.



downsowf said:


> I personally couldn't imagine staying with someone just because I'm lonely.


I have certainly listed well more than one reason for wanting to be with this guy.



downsowf said:


> I'd rather buy a pet, and if I was a woman, then probably a vibrator too.


There's people and a dog and a cat where I live; why can't I date? Why can't I have sex instead of use a vibrator? You really think a vibrator would make someone not lonely?:dry:



downsowf said:


> I hope you find happiness.


Sarcasm? Did I say something rude? I hope not.
I'm being brutally honest, so yeah, my flaws are being revealed.
_____________



Usernamefoundyeyme said:


> "Severe jealousy??It will hurt you more to be single again? Some one for YOU alone??" *laughs* After reading your reply I just have to conclude that you are very nasty (but still young I hope) person. You just sound like a selfish brat who can't be alone. It's all about you you you. Not a good foundation for a relationship. Please, don't reply. I might get severely jealous of your intellect towards relationships and what it means to love someone.


Harsh, very harsh.
I busted my butt off to try to be the perfect wife. I try to please others. I'm a caregiver, an ESFJ, and proud of it. I try to care for and take care of and give to others. I try to cheer up and comfort others.
Now, you think I'm selfish because I'm actually trying to do something good for myself for once--something that will allow me to better care for others? I pour out my heart and soul into relationships, desiring to make my partner happy. Having the chance to do that makes me happy. When I'm happy, I'm better able to serve others.

I'm very nasty?
I'm a selfish brat?
I can't be alone?

One reason I've chosen to be alone these past two years, is to try to give me time to recover from the pain and suffering of my past marriage. Is that okay with you? Does that make me nasty or selfish or a brat? If so, how so?

One reason that I think I should end these two years is that yeah, I am lonely. Is that okay with you? Does that make me nasty or selfish or a brat? If so, how so?

Why are you being so rude to me?

Yeah, it can be very painful to see others happy with their SO, especially around the holiday season.

I do know what it means to love someone. I fall in love very easily, especially with women. One reason that I sometimes prefer to date men, is so that I won't be so enveloped in feelings of love for them, so that I will be more down to earth and tame.

I broke up with this guy before, because I was starting to fall for him, and I feared a repeat of getting my heart broken yet again.
This time I'm willing to take up the painful risk of getting my heart broken. Is that okay with you? Does that make me nasty or selfish or a brat? If so, how so?
____________



Twoshoe said:


> @_Usernamefoundyeyme_
> 
> Her rationalizations don't make much sense, I will agree. The part where she left the guy yet wanted to be with him seems really immature.


Maybe it sounds that way, sure, but have you ever had your heart completely crushed and smashed before? Have you ever been in a great relationship, then told your partner that you love them, then gradually see the relationship fizzle, likely because they were not yet ready to be told the "L" word or because they were not yet ready for a more commited relationship or whatever the case? How many times has that happened to you?

Can you please try to have empathy for me, that perhaps I would not at that earlier year have been able to have the risk of getting my heart broken so soon after my divorce?

I poured out all my life force, energy, spirit, and everything into my marriage, but it got sucked into the black hole of my ex-husband's depression. I was completely drained and hollow at the end of my marriage

Have any of you 3 males, who I am currently responding to, been through a life-sucking marriage in your early twenties?

Please try to avoid insulting me unless you think you really understand me.
Don't get me wrong, I do really appriaciate constructive criticism, and I feel that I have learned some things on this thread that I would like to work on.



Twoshoe said:


> She wants someone to keep her warm this winter


Absolutely. I admit to that. I don't see anything wrong with having that as one of my reasons for wanting this guy.



Twoshoe said:


> I assume to an ESFJ, having someone to host a holiday for is a big deal.


Sure, that's probably true.


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## Sapphyreopal5 (Jun 11, 2012)

Zletta said:


> But that's not what I said. I want a SO during the holidays so that I don't feel more lonely than I have already been. I want a SO so that I will be happy; so that I can smile around others more, including my family. Who says I want to show him off to my family?


Your statements suggested that you want to have a SO because everyone else in your family has one and you don’t want to be the lonely one. 


> Pretty much...
> ...but I still think he's a nice guy and I'll probably get over my hang-ups with him, and be fine with them at least for a while.
> Keep in mind that you're basically reading my diary right now. You're learning some of my deepest and darkest secrets. Don't judge me too harshly; I think I just need to write some of this stuff and get it down so that I can then possibly work through it and realize that some of the stuff about him really doesn't bother me.





> I enjoyed a very nice shower with him yesterday.
> Perhaps I should have had a shower with him this morning too; not a bad idea.





> Can't that be considered a good thing? That I am being unselfish in trying to engage in a relationship in which they get what they want even though I possibly have a bit of a problem with them?


How can you expect to know what others want when you don’t even know what YOU want? I think you’re being unfair as to what others will feel and think based on your own insecurities. I see no evidence you are being unselfish. Furthermore, you just said you are no longer trying to engage in a relationship with this guy?????



> lol... awwwwwww, come on, go easy on me; am I not allowed to be a little nervous? I guess my real reason was that I didn't like my first impression of how he tasted--it seemed different and worse from how he was over two years ago.


If you’re just being nervous and such, then say such. Tbh I think you’re placing unrealistic expectations on him. It could be that he tasted differently, or it could be you had so many expectations that could only be not met and thus can only lead to disappointment. 



> I don't know what I want; I'm trying to figure it out.
> I think I want a relationship. I think that at least many of the concerns I listed really are just "trivial". Maybe I'm already starting to get over them. Give me a minute to try to figure out relationships again.
> I think I'm making progress: I already previously decided that I would be willing to risk getting my heart broken by trying a relationship with this guy this time around.
> I think you're right that I shouldn't leave a relationship for at least many of the reasons I gave.





> My ex quit his anti-depressants cold-turkey when we got married. Then, he gradually stopped wanting to kiss me after just a few months, and that alone hurt me really badly. Physical touch is a big love language for me. I tried so hard to be the perfect wife for him, but all my kindness to him was absorbed by the black hole of his depression. Finally at the end of the marriage, my ex finally got back on medication, and when he was finally better and as he had been in dating and in engagement, my body had a huge crash and I basically permanently fainted when my body realized that I could finally take a break, that I no longer had to try to carry the dead weight of my husband anymore; I no longer had to try to cheer him up because he was actually better.
> I'm still bitter that he drained all of my emotional reserves and then some during those two years.
> (The long version: http://personalitycafe.com/sex-rela...-enfj-seeks-help-her-quarter-life-crisis.html)


I am sorry that your ex decided to get off of his antidepressants unauthorized (not that I like antidepressants very much anyways). Depression does that to people (everything you). I have gone through the depression stages myself while I was in high school (went to counseling for about 7 or so months because of a suicide attempt). You have no interest in doing things with a SO sometimes, have no interest in doing things that make you feel good, you feel unable to show love, EVERYTHING sucks. No matter what others do, your mood and mindset doesn’t change. You’re just in a rut.
Not a soul can make you happy (and you can’t make anyone be happy). Others can be a part of our happiness and we be a part of others’ happiness; however, happiness is a _choice_. Whether we are or aren’t happy is a personal _choice_. I know as an ESFJ that may be really hard to wrap your head around but it is just the truth. Basing our own happiness on someone else’s happiness or basing others’ happiness on our own happiness just doesn’t work out well for anyone in the long run really.
What I am trying to say is that your husband pulling away from you is not your fault. It was all his own internal conflicts that have not been resolved. IMHO, medication is a way of patching the boo boo and doesn’t actually resolve the reasons _why_ someone is depressed (unless it’s a result of chemical imbalance, then it helps to be on pills for a bit) in the first place.



> I consider myself to be quite unpicky, actually.
> I like to date those who like me more than I like them, so I like to be the one asked out.
> I basically never turn down a date, though these past two years I avoid those who I think may ask me out.
> I can pretty much imagine myself dating almost anyone.
> If I were stuck on a deserted island with another person, I'd basically do every single thing in my power to make them happy, female or male, young or old, etc. I like others easily, I love others easily, and I can imagine myself married to another person easily. It's not exactly an asset when it's extreme like this.


Dating others who like you more than you like them is not having an equal relationship. For me, if I were aware someone didn’t like me as much as I like them, I would feel some rejection. Don’t you think it’s unfair to prevent personal rejection by dating someone who cares for you more than you care for them (sending the rejection more their way than yours)? You do understand what your posts sound like, don’t you? The general vibe that you’re giving vs things you’re trying to say for clarification don’t add up honestly. 



> I agree with most of this, but loneliness is a very real issue to me, as is feeling the "need" to "take care of someone".


When I said caving to the fears of loneliness, what I was saying was to not cave to temptations to “help” remove that fear via jumping into relationships and such. I am glad you agree with me with what I said in regards to many of the reasons you gave for leaving a relationship. I’m glad to see we have reached some kind of middle ground here. As I said before, you can’t have your happiness depend on someone else’s or on “taking care of someone”. You will be disappointed, not to mention possibly hurt the other person.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Sapphyreopal5 said:


> I wanted to add to this based on your past couple posts OP. I noticed you mentioned not talking about problems because you end up feeling bad and such. Honestly, I think this is another big flaw. My ENFJ ex boyfriend (ex because I moved to another state about 8 months ago) of 2 and a half years used to do the same, which ended up causing a handful of problems between him and I. I don't think you should talk about your problems and ONLY your problems with others, yet at the same time just keeping it all in just to "not bother them with your issues" or to "be nice" or "not hurt their feelings" WILL bite you AND the other person in the behind.
> 
> I personally am bothered about you wanting a SO for the holidays because the way you are making it sound is if you want one simply due to the following reasons:
> 
> 1. Wanting a relationship since everyone else in your family is in a relationship indicates a desire to have a relationship just to look better in their eyes. This is not only using the other person to advance yourself for personal gain, it is also deceiving the other person into thinking you want a genuine connection with them when really you're with them to look better during the holidays in your family's eyes (not that we actually know for sure if they care about this or not). If they do care and look down upon you for not having a boyfriend/girlfriend, they need to re-evaluate their love for you as their daughter/sister/etc.



No, not for them, for me, because I want to be happy (I've said this before). I don't really care what they think.




Sapphyreopal5 said:


> 2. Being in a relationship and putting a possible deadline on how long it may last is a pretty cruel thing to do, not to mention would not fly with sane people anyways unless there's some kind of bizarre contract for whatever reason going on there anyways.



Break-ups are sad; I avoid break-ups. I usually try to wait until things are bad or until there is a mutual falling away. If I want to break up with someone, I usually wait until it makes more sense, until there is at least one other reason to do so.



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> 3. You shouldn't rush into a relationship simply because the holidays are coming up and fear being single generally speaking. Rushing into relationships generally speaking ends up hurting both yourself and the other person, as the relationship will be more based on insecurity and on rushed feelings.



I agree and I understand.
I'm trying to do what I think will be the least damaging to myself and others, which may or may not include a relationship with this guy.



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> 4. Your wanting a relationship (and pursuing one) for the sake of being in a relationship, especially for the upcoming holidays, puts an unfair "responsibility" on the other person for your own personal happiness and your self-image (and your image to others). That is making _your_ problems _their_ problem all of the sudden, which is cruel and not to mention unfair.


Hmmm? What?
Is it cruel and unfair that I help out my SO with their problems at least as much as having them help me?



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> The gist of what you're implying: wanting a relationship because of the upcoming holidays sounds like it is due to self-serving purposes and benefits, and not the benefits one can expect to receive and give while in a relationship.


For me, depression due to lonliness + holidays = depression due to lonliness ^2 (squared).
In other words, if I'm feeling sorrow from being lonely, that sorrow will multiply if occuring during the holidays.
On the other hand, if I'm feeling joy from being in a relationship, that joy will multiply if occuring during the holidays.

C'mon people, it's not like I'm the only one who feels this... can no one understand?
I watched the "A Boyfriend For Christmas" (2004) movie a couple years ago on youtube.
("Holly is not looking forward to Xmas. Her brother has a wife and kids to bring to their parents' house. She hasn't had a boyfriend since Ted. Holly loved Ted but he broke her heart when he chose to break up with her when he was transferred to an out of town newspaper owned by his family's publishing empire...")
I was like (along with nearly everyone posting comments on the video) "awwwww, I want a boyfriend for Christmas".

I just want to love and be loved, who doesn't want that?
I'm attractive, I'm kind, I'm loving, I'm giving, I'm comforting, I'm funny, I try to help others... why should I not be allowed to get involved in a relationship if it can do me good and do good for my SO?
As I've said, even if my siblings were single, I'd still want myself to be happy. Most years I'm able to be happy even when I'm single, but some years I just really struggle and really want someone special to go ice scating with and to hold and to giggle with and to get comfy and cuddle with etc.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Zletta said:


> But that's not what I said. I want a SO during the holidays so that I don't feel more lonely than I have already been. I want a SO so that I will be happy; so that I can smile around others more, including my family. Who says I want to show him off to my family?


Do some homeless a favour and take him off the streets for a week.

You see, you want an someone for sake of the connection, while inevitably not caring about the individual.

It's fairly much everything that's wrong with today's world. Loving to love, rather than loving who you're with.



INTJ the DC said:


> I should be more specific.
> I get tired of hearing people's problems especially when they are a direct consequence of a action that they did prior which I had informed them would be a bad idea... and even more so if it's a trend.
> It's akin to someone complaining about their thumb always hurting when they keep hitting it with a hammer.
> If you're not going to stop hitting yourself with the hammer then complain to someone else because I don't care.
> ...


Quoted for special emphasis. Everyone wants to cry, but no one wants to do anything to remedy it, or make sure it never happens again.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Erbse said:


> Do some homeless a favour and take him off the streets for a week.
> 
> You see, you want an someone for sake of the connection, while inevitably not caring about the individual.
> 
> It's fairly much everything that's wrong with today's world. Loving to love, rather than loving who you're with.


Omg, should I just kill myself instead? Would that be better?
I'm basically everything that's wrong with this world, so I better commit suicide so that I will stop ruining the world.

I don't know what to do, but I'm trying hard to figure it out, it's just that my spirit and my heart have been severely injured and it's really hard for me to make sense of things.

I basically care for or can easily learn to care about nearly any individual.

I need someone to love and take care of. Yeah, I love to love, but I also usually learn to love who I'm with.



Erbse said:


> Quoted for special emphasis. Everyone wants to cry, but no one wants to do anything to remedy it, or make sure it never happens again.


But don't you see? I'm trying to make sure that I don't get destroyed again, as I did in my marriage.
___________



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> How can you expect to know what others want when you don’t even know what YOU want?



Well, I think I know what I want in the real short-term, though I don't know what I want in the long-term; I'm trying really hard to figure it out, but I'm kind of stuck. 
I think we did and talked about a lot of things that we both very much enjoyed during our 22 consecutive hours together, and perhaps a higher percentage of enjoyment at the non-sexual stuff. Like I said earlier, I made suggestions, and I tried to say things that I thought we'd both like, and usually he said "yes" though plenty of times he said "no" too, so then we try to figure out something else that we both want instead.



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> I think you’re being unfair as to what others will feel and think based on your own insecurities. I see no evidence you are being unselfish.


I disagree, but whatever you say, let's assume that I'm being selfish... what's the difference? What's your point? What do you want from me?
I feel like I have no options here. I'm in despair. I feel like I really need someone right now in my life or I'll just want to die. Okay?
So I'm selfish because I want to try to be alive and live and have meaning in my life? Should I be sorry for that? I want to live, darn it, I just want to mean something to someone! I want to be someone's girlfriend. I want to feel like I matter; I want to feel like I'm needed.



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> Furthermore, you just said you are no longer trying to engage in a relationship with this guy?????


I was probably just saying that to get it out, to try to go up from there, to try to later prove that wrong... I dunno... I probably make no sense. I might change my mind about this guy back-and-forth about 30 times this next week.



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> If you’re just being nervous and such, then say such. Tbh I think you’re placing unrealistic expectations on him. It could be that he tasted differently, or it could be you had so many expectations that could only be not met and thus can only lead to disappointment.


You're probably right. I was just saying what was on my mind at the time. As of right now, I would really love things to work out between us.
I don't know.



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> I am sorry that your ex decided to get off of his antidepressants unauthorized (not that I like antidepressants very much anyways). Depression does that to people (everything you). I have gone through the depression stages myself while I was in high school (went to counseling for about 7 or so months because of a suicide attempt). You have no interest in doing things with a SO sometimes, have no interest in doing things that make you feel good, you feel unable to show love, EVERYTHING sucks. No matter what others do, your mood and mindset doesn’t change. You’re just in a rut.
> Not a soul can make you happy (and you can’t make anyone be happy). Others can be a part of our happiness and we be a part of others’ happiness; however, happiness is a _choice_. Whether we are or aren’t happy is a personal _choice_.



When my ex-girlfriend would have my head on her lap and she would stroke her fingers through my hair, it would always calm and relax me.
It's pretty much impossible for me to not be happy in that scenerio.



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> I know as an ESFJ that may be really hard to wrap your head around but it is just the truth. Basing our own happiness on someone else’s happiness or basing others’ happiness on our own happiness just doesn’t work out well for anyone in the long run really.
> What I am trying to say is that your husband pulling away from you is not your fault.


I agree, but what can I do? I think it's mean and self-hurting to blame others and it's futile and self-hurting to blame God, so I'm left with no one to blame but myself. So, I basically hate myself and rip myself apart.
Wow... okay... I should REALLY talk about this with my new therapist tomorrow morning...



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> It was all his own internal conflicts that have not been resolved. IMHO, medication is a way of patching the boo boo and doesn’t actually resolve the reasons _why_ someone is depressed (unless it’s a result of chemical imbalance, then it helps to be on pills for a bit) in the first place.


Yeah... we both have chemical imbalances...



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> Dating others who like you more than you like them is not having an equal relationship. For me, if I were aware someone didn’t like me as much as I like them, I would feel some rejection. Don’t you think it’s unfair to prevent personal rejection by dating someone who cares for you more than you care for them (sending the rejection more their way than yours)? You do understand what your posts sound like, don’t you? The general vibe that you’re giving vs things you’re trying to say for clarification don’t add up honestly.


..............if you always hit the top of your archery target, you should aim lower to compensate.
I've been in relationships where I've been simply cuckoo for my partner, or even in friendships where I've been simply crazy for another person. I've mentioned how easily I can really like or fall for someone.
So, I try to "aim low", to date others who like me more than I like them so that I can hopefully grow into liking them about as much as they like me.
It worked in my relationship/engagement/very early marriage--I aimed low, and then my love grew/developed. If I knew how much I was going to get hurt, I wouldn't have gotten married.
Even if I would have aimed the arrow at my foot, so as to not care about not getting kissed and such anymore, the depression of my ex would have still drained me to a large extent.
I really cared for him and tried to do everything I could to make the marriage work, but the more I put in, the more hurt I became.

I very much want equal relationships.
_That's where I think a lot of you are not understanding me.__
_I want to get a bull's eye, but it's hard because there's SOOO much wind, that I have to aim in what appears to be the wrong direction to try to hit my target.
You guys are telling me that I'm selfish because I'm pointing my arrow in what looks to be the wrong way, that I don't really care about having a real relationship or whatever, but I really do! I'm trying to hit the target, I swear!



Sapphyreopal5 said:


> When I said caving to the fears of loneliness, what I was saying was to not cave to temptations to “help” remove that fear via jumping into relationships and such. I am glad you agree with me with what I said in regards to many of the reasons you gave for leaving a relationship. I’m glad to see we have reached some kind of middle ground here. As I said before, you can’t have your happiness depend on someone else’s or on “taking care of someone”. You will be disappointed, not to mention possibly hurt the other person.


But the happiest times of my life happen to be during great times of relationships I've been in.


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## Hosker (Jan 19, 2011)

You are almost certainly Enneagram type 2. A lot of what you express is typical of them, so looking into that may help if you haven't already. Personal Growth for Enneagram Type Twos


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## Sapphyreopal5 (Jun 11, 2012)

Zletta said:


> Omg, should I just kill myself instead? Would that be better?
> I'm basically everything that's wrong with this world, so I better commit suicide so that I will stop ruining the world.
> 
> I don't know what to do, but I'm trying hard to figure it out, it's just that my spirit and my heart have been severely injured and it's really hard for me to make sense of things.
> ...


I am *extremely* troubled by this response. If you really have these suicidal thoughts and really mean it when you threaten such (even just suggesting it as you just did) shows serious trouble. The fact you are even suggesting this in response to people who never met you makes me wonder what's really occurring not just behind the curtain but what's occurring in your life (or has). I am going to have to say you REALLY need to get help because being suicidal or even remotely hinting at such thoughts is extremely troublesome. 




> Well, I think I know what I want in the real short-term, though I don't know what I want in the long-term; I'm trying really hard to figure it out, but I'm kind of stuck.
> I think we did and talked about a lot of things that we both very much enjoyed during our 22 consecutive hours together, and perhaps a higher percentage of enjoyment at the non-sexual stuff. Like I said earlier, I made suggestions, and I tried to say things that I thought we'd both like, and usually he said "yes" though plenty of times he said "no" too, so then we try to figure out something else that we both want instead.






> I disagree, but whatever you say, let's assume that I'm being selfish... what's the difference? What's your point? What do you want from me?
> I feel like I have no options here. I'm in despair. I feel like I really need someone right now in my life or I'll just want to die. Okay?
> So I'm selfish because I want to try to be alive and live and have meaning in my life? Should I be sorry for that? I want to live, darn it, I just want to mean something to someone! I want to be someone's girlfriend. I want to feel like I matter; I want to feel like I'm needed.




No, what is selfish is putting your happiness in someone else's hands and depending on them for your happiness. It's troubling to me that you're relying on others for your happiness (and are saying you NEED someone to do that). You are doing this not only by needing a relationship to be happy, you are also saying you need to "take care of someone" in order to feel like you're worth something. Isn't that kind of what the issue with your husband was about? Him overly relying on you for his own happiness and thus getting off the antidepressants (and then shit hitting the fan a good deal thanks to that). I see a lot of similarities between your bitterness towards your ex for "draining your emotional happiness" via relying on you for his happiness, and then you relying on others for your own personal happiness. 

The fact you are talking about wanting to die if you're not in a relationship raises red flags allover the place. You're seriously not in the mindset to be participating in a relationship because the SAME exact thing will happen if you go in a relationship with the mindset you have. Saying you'll want to die if you're not in a relationship (Idk if your ex husband was suicidal or not)



> I was probably just saying that to get it out, to try to go up from there, to try to later prove that wrong... I dunno... I probably make no sense. I might change my mind about this guy back-and-forth about 30 times this next week.
> 
> You're probably right. I was just saying what was on my mind at the time. As of right now, I would really love things to work out between us.
> I don't know.


It's fine. If you're going to be venting on a thread, you should probably put a disclaimer somewhere on your posts that's what you're doing (and that you might possibly not make sense in the meanwhile). It's a little unfair for you to say "you're not understanding what I'm saying" when you are saying things and aren't quite saying all what's on your mind. All you are giving us, along with what anyone else, is a portion of what you're really feeling and thinking. People see actions, words, etc. they do not see behind-the-scenes stuff or in this case, thoughts. The challenge with psychology is figuring out what is occurring behind the scenes. We can interpret what is said and done all day long but all anyone sees from others is what's said and done. The only person who can truly know 100% of who the wizard is behind the curtain is the wizard himself.

In other words, the only way others can truly help you (and you help yourself) is to be honest not only with others but yourself.



> When my ex-girlfriend would have my head on her lap and she would stroke her fingers through my hair, it would always calm and relax me.
> It's pretty much impossible for me to not be happy in that scenerio.
> 
> I agree, but what can I do? I think it's mean and self-hurting to blame others and it's futile and self-hurting to blame God, so I'm left with no one to blame but myself. So, I basically hate myself and rip myself apart.
> ...


Why do you have to blame anybody? Blaming others and yourself for things going wrong doesn't resolve the problem. It is one thing to acknowledge the problem and understand why things happen, what caused certain events to occur, etc., but it is another to just throw blame around *or* punish yourself for the feelings and issues you are experiencing inside. It is not only emotionally taxing, it doesn't help the problem go away any faster and only hinders true progress. It's futile, mean, and self-harmful to blame anybody and anything for your own issues especially if you don't plan on actually fixing the problem(s).



> ..............if you always hit the top of your archery target, you should aim lower to compensate.
> I've been in relationships where I've been simply cuckoo for my partner, or even in friendships where I've been simply crazy for another person. I've mentioned how easily I can really like or fall for someone.
> So, I try to "aim low", to date others who like me more than I like them so that I can hopefully grow into liking them about as much as they like me.
> It worked in my relationship/engagement/very early marriage--I aimed low, and then my love grew/developed. If I knew how much I was going to get hurt, I wouldn't have gotten married.
> ...


I don't think you are understanding _why_ we are saying you're being selfish. We all want to be loved and cared for, everyone does. It's human nature to want and need to deeply connect with others because we are mammals and we're a social species. That's just the way mother nature created us. What you are doing is taking that need and desire and are trying to use that to your advantage. Loving just for the sake of loving to feel better is not real love. That is manipulative and quite misleading towards the other person. Does that mean you have ill will against the other person or intend to hurt them? No. However, it is still manipulative and very misleading, not to mention will create bitterness between you and the other person (as that kind of relationship can only end badly IMO). 

You must learn to be happy with yourself before going into a relationship and actually being happy. That is the point I have been trying to convey here. I'm not trying to attack you at all, I really am not. You believe you are happy. Being "loved", feeling like you matter, having your hair stroked, being caressed... those things do produce happy feelings and get endorphins going. But is it true happiness you're experiencing, or are you experiencing the "butterflies in the stomach" but are still fundamentally insecure? Quite frankly, I tend to think it's the latter. 

What you think you're experiencing is happiness, yet at the root of things you are still insecure and all you're doing is trying to fill the void within yourself (fear of loneliness). Being as dependent and needy of others as you are at this point in time is what's hurting you more than anything else. If you want to change, you have to _want_ to change.


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## qingdom (Apr 5, 2011)

Hosker said:


> You are almost certainly Enneagram type 2. A lot of what you express is typical of them, so looking into that may help if you haven't already. Personal Growth for Enneagram Type Twos


well, color me batshit crazy then! i needed that!


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

qingdom said:


> well, color me batshit crazy then! i needed that!


What color is "Batshit Crazy" anyway? 
I am trying to visualize this crayon and I just can't figure it out.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Zletta said:


> I honestly can't understand why so many of you seem to be bothered by the wanting a SO for the holidays bit.


I'm honestly kind of surprised that you aren't bothered by it or that you can't see why so many other people are bothered by it. Especially when instead of trying to understand why so many people were bothered by it, all you did was justify it and say, "Me, me, me," and reiterate it.

I don't know ANYONE who would want to be a relationship with someone else who just wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend "because it was the holidays." Sex relationship? Sure. But not someone who was just being used by the other person to feel better about their own lives. If someone heard you say that, I'm pretty sure he would walk immediately... unless of course the sex was good and that's all he wanted from you.



> I'm revealing SOO MUCH on this thread and leaving myself so vulnerable, and I feel like I'm being ripped apart by some people here.


Correction: Your comments and choices (generally) are being criticized. People don't even know who you are, they just know what you post(ed). So that's what they are responding to: The ideas that you posted.

Take advantage of it. You've noted a pretty hefty number of people are really put off by what you're saying, and you've even pinpointed the comment(s) that are setting them off. 

Instead your approaching it defensively and trying to justify it, maybe it could be a learning experience instead?

I would like to toss out another thought to consider, in regards to how you keep bringing up about how you endured a painful marriage in which you felt exploited/drained (and you know I've been in that boat too, so I get it); and that so now you don't want to make that mistake again, so you are looking out for yourself.

Have you ever considered the possibility of, instead of using someone else in a way that places your own needs above theirs (which in essence is just making you the person on top, rather than the person being drained), maybe you're just not ready yet for a real relationship and need to hold off for awhile longer until you can work through some more stuff? 

It sounds like your desperation in needing someone to be part of your life (especially so you can feel like you're on par with other female friends and family), coupled with your fear of being used again, is leading you to do unto others so that it might not be done unto you first. Your specific comment: " I'm trying to make sure that I don't get destroyed again, as I did in my marriage."

Unless you are very clear up front about what the parameters of your desired relationship is with the guy, so that he can make choices that benefit his own well-being (to be fair to him), maybe you're just not really ready to enter a relationship and need more time to grow and heal. 

You don't really want to do to someone else what you felt was done to you, and it won't create the kind of relationship you so desperately long for, so it's self-defeating in the long run. Sometimes the most positive way to help yourself is to wait / take things slow. That will give you enough strength and confidence so that you can give in a relationship (and know when to stay vs walk) rather than be destroyed.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

To use Jennywocky's quote: "Instead your approaching it defensively and trying to justify it, maybe it could be a learning experience instead?" That was my intention actually until I came to the conclusion that you didn't want to learn. You had made up your mind already no matter what other people were trying to tell you. I don't know you. Maybe you are a really nice person with good intentions but that doesn't show here and it doesn't mean you are *doing* the right thing.


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## MonogamyIsNice (Mar 21, 2012)

your esteem sucks, just find some big dicked asshole that likes to fuck women like you


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

MonogamyIsLame said:


> your esteem sucks, just find some big dicked asshole that likes to fuck women like you


Thanks for your help. I already found a big dicked guy who likes to fuck me. However, he's a nice guy and we've become better friends. Is that okay? Do I have to find an asshole?
I don't think I'm interested in you though, so sorry about that. Plus, you're already in a relationship--I'm going to have to pass on you--thanks anyway.


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Hosker said:


> You are almost certainly Enneagram type 2. A lot of what you express is typical of them, so looking into that may help if you haven't already.


Thank you so much for your post/comment.
I just barely for the first time took the Comprihensive Ennegram Quiz.

I did indeed get


> Type 2 "The Helper" Caring Generous Altruistic
> *You are a Type 2 with a 1 wing: "The Helper Idealist"
> *Your trifix is 2w1, 9w1, 5w4.
> 
> ...


___________



Hosker said:


> Personal Growth for Enneagram Type Twos





> Personal Growth Recommendations
> for Enneagram Type Twos
> 
> First and foremost, remember that if you are not addressing your own needs, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to meet anyone else's needs without problems, underlying resentments, and continual frustration. Further, you will be less able to respond to people in a balanced way if you have not gotten adequate rest, and taken care of yourself properly. It is not selfish to make sure that you are okay before attending to others' needs—it is simply common sense.


Cannot one of my own needs right now be to be in a relationship?
I admit that I have failed at making sure that I am okay. So, I'm giving up for a while at trying to make myself okay on my own, to try a relationship, but that doesn't mean I want to burden a SO with my problems. Then, while trying to be in a relationship, I might be able to figure out how to make myself okay. If not, then I can try again to make myself okay after the relationship(s).


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

@Zletta
Don't worry about arguing with these people; they don't actually know you. You seem alright.

Also:
Can you guys in this thread chill out a bit. From my experience, ESFJs aren't the best at self-awarness, and can sometimes make a mess even if they have good intentions.

Wanting a boyfriend, wanting intimacy or wanting sex is perfectly fine.


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## All in Twilight (Oct 12, 2012)

Twoshoe said:


> @_Zletta_
> Don't worry about arguing with these people; they don't actually know you. You seem alright.
> 
> Also:
> ...


You just want to get in her panties. I saw what you did. Although I think your comment where you imply that she lacks self-awareness might have blown it for you. Unless she really wants you of course. Shall we put this to the test? Don't worry, I always treat my test subjects like I treat my gf's so you are perfectly safe but you might feel a bit of a pang in your frontal cortex. *dark smile*


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## Twoshoe (Mar 2, 2011)

Usernamefoundyeyme said:


> You just want to get in her panties. I saw what you did. Although I think your comment where you imply that she lacks self-awareness might have blown it for you. Unless she really wants you of course. Shall we put this to the test? Don't worry, I always treat my test subjects like I treat my gf's so you are perfectly safe but you might feel a bit of a pang in your frontal cortex. *dark smile*


Of course I do. Why wouldn't I? I shamelessly try to sleep with every girl on PerC who knows her enneagram.

What are you testing exactly?


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## Zletta (Sep 25, 2012)

Three new updates:

1) I just now took three versions that I haven't taken before of the the Jung test, and apparently I'm more of an ENFJ- The Teacher or "Persuader" or here known as The Givers.
I'm strongly Extroverted and strongly Feeling (I don't think that should surprise anyone here). 
I'm slightly Intuitive (not slightly Sensing) and slightly Judging.

2) It was good for me to talk to my new therapist yesterday (Tuesday) morning.

3) I told the guy that I had a good time with him and I listed four specific things that I told him that I especially enjoyed doing with him (during our 22 hours together).
He texted me back positive feedback and complimentary stuff too (though not specific).
He's gonna come to my place Saturday night (us not being able to schedule something sooner). My bed is a lot comfier and bigger than his is:kitteh:. In fact, there's room for a third, if Twoshoe wants to come down from Canada and join us hahaha:laughing:.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

:/ this reminds me I haven't had sex in more then a year either......wonder if I'm cranky, can't sleep, feel like crying when tired because of it. Decided not to date for various reasons when I ran away from someone I still consider my best friend....love is scary.

^^ oh well, good luck OP. I'm roting for ya, hope you get this sorted soon. Imo its best to do what feels right and you should just be yourself, whoever that is. Honesty is important in any relationship, long or short term.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

you dont have to tell him anything, just have a normal conversation and see what happens. you may want to let him know that you are bi though.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Zletta said:


> Kay so, I don't have a diary or a blog at the moment, so I'm just going to let it all out here...


This should never have been a thread here. We don't use threads to "journal" and hear ourselves speak. This belongs in the _blogs_ section and I encourage you to keep blogging. 

I also suggest you journaling everyday on your own. But it seems you would like an audience, too so therefore a blogging here will help you with that need. You can still get input in your blogs.

But in addition, journal on your own. Don't use threads as your diary, unless that is a topic of that thread.

Please don't respond to my post. Out of respect for readers, I don't like to encourage this thread continuing.


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