# I'll give you advice, but ya gotta pay!



## Niccolo Machiavelli (Aug 7, 2011)

It says "Get free consultation from the wise members of PersonalityCafe" well in the spirit of the Free Hugs/Deluxe Hugs movement, I'll give you advice. But ya gotta pay me $2. :crazy:






Benefits of my advice:
- My advice comes from the WISEST person on this forum.
- It isn't cheap smelly hippie advice.
- I really mean it.
- My advice is 20% longer.


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## TheWaffle (Aug 4, 2010)

There's a purple growth on the side of my face. It looks a bit like Mary-Kate Olsen. Where did it come from, and what should I do?


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## Kriash (May 5, 2011)

Here you go for @TheWaffle as I have no questions for you XD


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## TheWaffle (Aug 4, 2010)

Kriash said:


> Here you go for @TheWaffle as I have no questions for you XD


 *tips hat at* Thank you, Kriash! A strapping young gentleman, you are.


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## Niccolo Machiavelli (Aug 7, 2011)

TheWaffle said:


> There's a purple growth on the side of my face. It looks a bit like Mary-Kate Olsen. Where did it come from, and what should I do?


There is a good reason that it looks like Mary-Kate Olsen, and that is because it IS Mary-Kate Olsen. Mary-Kate Olsen is a well known parasite. Now that she is no longer sucking the life force out of her sister Ashley (I think is her name?), she needs a new host. She has picked you. There are three ways to get her off of your face. First, you can have a midget urinate on her/on your face. Second, you can call The Ghostbusters. Third, you can have your foot amputated and sent to Mars. This is after all a Marian parasite. By sending your foot as on offering to the Martian God Pluto, he will happily order the parasite off of your face and back to Mars. This is the best option for all of humanity because then nobody else would have to have her stuck on them. Of course it would cost you your foot, but think of it as taking one for the team. There is a fourth option, but I wouldn't recommend it because it is very unreliable. That option of course, call Dale Gribble. 

However, you may not want to get her removed from your face. You can have the government subsidize your Mary-Kate Olsen Face Farm since it brings in no revenue of its own. If you're willing to let your face look like that, you could have the government paying you between $1,000 and $3,000 each month. Just something to consider. Also another upside, considering that you're an INTJ robot face, having her stuck there would in fact add character to your face. Which could make you more attractive to men, and prove to be an improved mating strategy over our normal INTJ mating strategy, buying hookers.

That'll be $2 please. :crazy:


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## Niccolo Machiavelli (Aug 7, 2011)

What the fuck is this?! I give you real advice and you give me fake payment!? GTFO!!! :angry:


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

I need advice on why I would take advice from someone who isn't me?


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## TheWaffle (Aug 4, 2010)

Niccolo Machiavelli said:


> There is a good reason that it looks like Mary-Kate Olsen, and that is because it IS Mary-Kate Olsen. Mary-Kate Olsen is a well known parasite. Now that she is no longer sucking the life force out of her sister Ashley (I think is her name?), she needs a new host. She has picked you. There are three ways to get her off of your face. First, you can have a midget urinate on her/on your face. Second, you can call The Ghostbusters. Third, you can have your foot amputated and sent to Mars. This is after all a Marian parasite. By sending your foot as on offering to the Martian God Pluto, he will happily order the parasite off of your face and back to Mars. This is the best option for all of humanity because then nobody else would have to have her stuck on them. Of course it would cost you your foot, but think of it as taking one for the team. There is a fourth option, but I wouldn't recommend it because it is very unreliable. That option of course, call Dale Gribble.
> 
> However, you may not want to get her removed from your face. You can have the government subsidize your Mary-Kate Olsen Face Farm since it brings in no revenue of its own. If you're willing to let your face look like that, you could have the government paying you between $1,000 and $3,000 each month. Just something to consider. Also another upside, considering that you're an INTJ robot face, having her stuck there would in fact add character to your face. Which could make you more attractive to men, and prove to be an improved mating strategy over our normal INTJ mating strategy, buying hookers.
> 
> That'll be $2 please. :crazy:





Niccolo Machiavelli said:


> What the fuck is this?! I give you real advice and you give me fake payment!? GTFO!!! :angry:


 Hehehehehe *runs off with free advice*


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## Niccolo Machiavelli (Aug 7, 2011)

NotSoRighteousRob said:


> I need advice on why I would take advice from someone who isn't me?


Cuz I'm an INTJ, fool! :crazy: That'll be $2 please! :crazy:


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## Niccolo Machiavelli (Aug 7, 2011)

TheWaffle said:


> Hehehehehe *runs off with free advice*


DAMN YOU KIDS! I'M GONNA CATCH YOU AND GET MY ADVICE BACK!!!! :angry:


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## eunoia (Nov 19, 2010)

TheWaffle said:


> There's a purple growth on the side of my face. It looks a bit like Mary-Kate Olsen. Where did it come from, and what should I do?


I wouldn't listen to Mr. Machiavelli on this one, as I am a true expert. First and foremost, you need to get a security system for your home. The infamous "Purple Mary Kate Mark" is due to a bandit sneaking into your abode within the dark hours of the night and kissing you on the cheek. This bandit is obsessed with Full House and feels she or he needs to "spread the love" and "fill your heart family values." This person likely resembles Danny Tanner (male or female version) and is an expert biological chemist. Beware, there is something changing in you and you need to rectify this at once. It is common knowledge that when you mix purple with it's complementary color, yellow, it results in skin tone. That's step one. You need to spread something yellow on your face--perhaps creamed corn or yellow squash. Step two: remove the Mary Kate from you. To do this you must become anorexic in addition to adopting the fashionable bohemian look with pricey hippie clothes and wavy flowing locks. Finally, you must kill the first born of your family; if you are the first born, then you're out of luck and might want to donate to the "Purple Mary Kate Mark" research fund. Futile waiting is your only hope.


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## eunoia (Nov 19, 2010)

Niccolo Machiavelli said:


> There is a good reason that it looks like Mary-Kate Olsen, and that is because it IS Mary-Kate Olsen. Mary-Kate Olsen is a well known parasite. Now that she is no longer sucking the life force out of her sister Ashley (I think is her name?), she needs a new host. She has picked you. There are three ways to get her off of your face. First, you can have a midget urinate on her/on your face. Second, you can call The Ghostbusters. Third, you can have your foot amputated and sent to Mars. This is after all a Marian parasite. By sending your foot as on offering to the Martian God Pluto, he will happily order the parasite off of your face and back to Mars. This is the best option for all of humanity because then nobody else would have to have her stuck on them. Of course it would cost you your foot, but think of it as taking one for the team. There is a fourth option, but I wouldn't recommend it because it is very unreliable. That option of course, call Dale Gribble.
> 
> However, you may not want to get her removed from your face. You can have the government subsidize your Mary-Kate Olsen Face Farm since it brings in no revenue of its own. If you're willing to let your face look like that, you could have the government paying you between $1,000 and $3,000 each month. Just something to consider. Also another upside, considering that you're an INTJ robot face, having her stuck there would in fact add character to your face. Which could make you more attractive to men, and prove to be an improved mating strategy over our normal INTJ mating strategy, buying hookers.
> 
> That'll be $2 please. :crazy:


Well that's just plain ridiculous.


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## Beyond_B (Feb 2, 2011)

Why am I the way I am? Why do I suffer from social-idiocy?
Oh so wise @Niccolo Machiavelli


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## Kriash (May 5, 2011)

Niccolo Machiavelli said:


> What the fuck is this?! I give you real advice and you give me fake payment!? GTFO!!! :angry:


 You never specified payment, you just said $2, and well, that _was_ $2.

XD


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## Beyond_B (Feb 2, 2011)

eunoia said:


> Well that's just plain ridiculous.


*How could you talk like that about the wise @Niccolo Machiavelli the wisest person alive??!!! *


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## eunoia (Nov 19, 2010)

1199 said:


> *How could you talk like that about the wise @Niccolo Machiavelli the wisest person alive??!!! *


Because I know for a fact he is full of lies. This is because I actually got a degree in "wisest." Only one person is able to get that degree, it it was me!


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## Beyond_B (Feb 2, 2011)

eunoia said:


> Because I know for a fact he is full of lies. This is because I actually got a degree in "wisest." Only one person is able to get that degree, it it was me!


 Please forgive me oh so wise @eunoia !
I will never do this mistake again...


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## eunoia (Nov 19, 2010)

1199 said:


> Please forgive me oh so wise @eunoia !
> I will never do this mistake again...


Well, that was incredibly easy to turn things around. Must've been a _wise_ move for me to brag about my rare degree. I must say, you just might have a little _wisdom_ in yourself for coming to the correct conclusion so quickly.  <--I give you the winky face of deeper knowledge which is shared between two people who are full of hidden insight of the ages.


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## Niccolo Machiavelli (Aug 7, 2011)

Christ on a cracker! I leave to feed and watch Judge Judy, I come back and there are too many damn replies! :crazy:



eunoia said:


> I wouldn't listen to Mr. Machiavelli on this one, as I am a true expert. First and foremost, you need to get a security system for your home. The infamous "Purple Mary Kate Mark" is due to a bandit sneaking into your abode within the dark hours of the night and kissing you on the cheek. This bandit is obsessed with Full House and feels she or he needs to "spread the love" and "fill your heart family values." This person likely resembles Danny Tanner (male or female version) and is an expert biological chemist. Beware, there is something changing in you and you need to rectify this at once. It is common knowledge that when you mix purple with it's complementary color, yellow, it results in skin tone. That's step one. You need to spread something yellow on your face--perhaps creamed corn or yellow squash. Step two: remove the Mary Kate from you. To do this you must become anorexic in addition to adopting the fashionable bohemian look with pricey hippie clothes and wavy flowing locks. Finally, you must kill the first born of your family; if you are the first born, then you're out of luck and might want to donate to the "Purple Mary Kate Mark" research fund. Futile waiting is your only hope.


Hey fool! This is MY thread! If you want to compete with my business you get your own thread! :crazy:



eunoia said:


> Well that's just plain ridiculous.


:angry:



1199 said:


> Why am I the way I am? Why do I suffer from social-idiocy?
> Oh so wise @Niccolo Machiavelli


Because you're a woman! :crazy: That'll be $2 please! :crazy:



Kriash said:


> You never specified payment, you just said $2, and well, that _was_ $2.
> 
> XD


I tried that logic when I was five. No dice. As my boy Paulie from Goodfellas would say, "Fuck you, pay me!" :crazy:



1199 said:


> *How could you talk like that about the wise @Niccolo Machiavelli the wisest person alive??!!! *


It's nice to finally be recognized. :dry:



eunoia said:


> Because I know for a fact he is full of lies. This is because I actually got a degree in "wisest." Only one person is able to get that degree, it it was me!


Well if you were as wise as you THINK you are, then you'd know that you only have a BA in Wise-ism, whereas I have a PhD in Wise-ism and a PhD in Wise-ass-ism! :crazy: I also hold degrees in Smartass-ism, Awesome-ism, Cool-Dude-Ism, Funny-Guy-Ism, Gangsta-Homie-Ism, among others. :crazy:



1199 said:


> Please forgive me oh so wise @eunoia !
> I will never do this mistake again...


Don't worship false idols. That'll be $2 please! :crazy:



eunoia said:


> Well, that was incredibly easy to turn things around. Must've been a _wise_ move for me to brag about my rare degree. I must say, you just might have a little _wisdom_ in yourself for coming to the correct conclusion so quickly.  <--I give you the winky face of deeper knowledge which is shared between two people who are full of hidden insight of the ages.


I also have a PhD in Humility, so shut your mouth, fool! :crazy:


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

You should pay me for the privilege to give me advice since it is clearly fun and entertaining for you and not necessary for me. Seems like I'd be the one doing the work by asking you for it.


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