# Help! I've made an SJ embarrassed!



## alexius (Jul 11, 2013)

Hello SJs! I need your help!

I was texting with a very good friend of mine (SJ for sure, probs ESFJ). She had been drinking was being uncharacteristically goofy. I always enjoy these rare moments. However, at some point in the conversation she was speaking so far out of character (and in a very sexual way) that I became uncomfortable. When I expressed my discomfort, she immediately clammed up and was a bit defensive before completely exiting the conversation. 

Now this part I totally get. She's probably extremely embarrassed. Add to the fact that she's never "weird" and one of the few times she was, she got chastised for it. 

What I need to know is how to act now. Shall I leave her be until she's ready to talk again (and then pretend the situation never happened/don't reference it)? Shall I apologize for making her feel embarrassed? Shall I send her a picture or video of me humiliating myself in a playful way to "even the score"? Shall I send her a gift that's relevant to the embarrassing situation with a short/sweet note about still thinking she's cool?

How would you prefer someone handle this if you'd embarrassed yourself with them?

Thanks!


----------



## Black_Sphinx (Jan 4, 2013)

I would probably prefer to get somedistance and then never talk about it again....Can't say for sure though, it seems to be rather a question of individual preference, I think.


----------



## Daniel_James_Maher (Feb 11, 2013)

Perhaps shave your head, rub ashes in your scalp and eyes and weep at her gate.
Hmm, no that might not work.

I'm just kidding, this is a real challenge for you and I'm not trying to make light of it. It makes it worse that I can't give you a definite plan that will surely work. But my cynical sarcasm had an idea hidden in it, I think making a big show of remorse is a bad idea.

If it were me (ISTJ) in her situation I would never forget the experience and it would haunt me all my life (I'm not meaning to exaggerate) my greatest fear would be that you would remember it happening and worst of all tell others.
My advice, don't ever mention it, and if she hints about it act dumb (like you have no idea what she is talking about).
E.g. Her "Remember the other night when we were drinking?"
You "Yeah, I think I remember." [Body language = trying to remember but having trouble]
Her "Do you remember what I said?"
You "Yeah, I think you said something about the football. What are you talking about?" [Body language = I have no idea what you're talking about]
Her "Never mind"
You "So did you see the..."

Don't lie, but don't acknowledge you remember anything and change the subject. That's my advice.

The legend of memory loss from alcohol was presumably invented for this reason. Or is that a real thing?

PS Don't overdo it


----------



## alexius (Jul 11, 2013)

Lol! Don't apologize. It's obnoxious how terribly important these things always feel in the moment. Reality checks are warranted 


As an update -- which I suppose helps my INFP friends more than it would be interesting to the SJs who helped me -- 
i left her alone until she reached out to me. We both pretended nothing had happened. Late that night, she bluntly pointed out that I hadn't apologized yet. So I said sorry and that I'd never want to give her reason to think twice about saying whatever the hell she wanted to me. It wasn't overly feely or lengthy, but genuine (it was for her, not for me after all). 


It's what she wanted to hear, but I'm still in the "shakey trust" dog house. Better than nothing. One day I'll figure it out. Haha. 


Thanks again for your help, guys!


----------



## alexius (Jul 11, 2013)

PS: DJM, I think "Don't overdo it" should be a personal mantra of NFs. Like, I might actually just write that on my wall now.


----------

