# How fast did your 20s go?



## Nannerl (Jan 6, 2021)

I don't even know what's going on. Most adults are just teenagers with responsibilities; everyone has unresolved childhood issues and people are desperate to do something, make something out of their life, so some are getting married and others snore cocaine on Tuesdays and tusi on the weekend. I'm just chilling on PerC... 
... 
oh no.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

Nannerl said:


> oh no.


Hahaha! 😂 Don't worry about it, I believe that everyone has a different timeline. 

Think racehorses who are blinded on their sides, so that they won't be able to compare themselves to others and just keep doing what they're supposed to do- focus on the path in front of them and run as fast as they can. 

As for this... 


Nannerl said:


> I'm just chilling on PerC...


... Oh no!! That's what I'm doing now! 😂😂

* *





lol jk, there's nothing bad about it.


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## Nannerl (Jan 6, 2021)

Ewok City said:


> Don't worry about it, I believe that everyone has a different timeline.
> 
> Think racehorses who are blinded on their sides, so that they won't be able to compare themselves to others and just keep doing what they're supposed to do- focus on the path in front of them and run as fast as they can.


Well... I don't know. I kind of feel like I lived too fast as a teen, but this thread just made feel like I'm wasting my time. There is not much I can do with the Covid situation in here, but... _sigh_. 
I'll start saving money for the Winter Olympics or something. 


Ewok City said:


> lol jk, there's nothing bad about it.


... u sure?


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

Ewok City said:


> Apparently time flies faster the more we age, not sure if that's true. I do feel that time do pass much faster compared to when I was 10 or so.


I mean it make some sense since as we get old, each year is a smaller % of our total years lived.

But I also think as we age, our life goals become bigger and longer, and days become busier. 


I remember my goal after I started working full time was to save enough for a down payment for a house. I always wanted a detached house with a yard.. It feels that every year, thats what my focus was, and the last 5 years as a blur in contrast to that.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

Nannerl said:


> ... u sure?


Sure... 😅 As long as you're not using it to procrastinate. 



Nannerl said:


> I'll start saving money for the Winter Olympics or something.


Sounds good! It's never too late to start saving.  



General Lee Awesome said:


> I mean it make some sense since as we get old, each year is a smaller % of our total years lived.
> 
> But I also think as we age, our life goals become bigger and longer, and days become busier.


Hmm, makes sense. Also a reminder to not let age stop us from improving ourselves, i.e to keep ourselves busy.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

I married at 19. I spent my twenties raising babies, remodeling houses, hanging with my friends when I could, working on myself and loving my husband. It went by quickly and yet at times seemed to take forever.
I wish I had lived in the moment more. It’s something I’m learning to do better as I get older. 
On my 30th birthday one of my closest friends was killed in a car accident. It was the day before her 30th birthday. I’ve never really feared aging but it did cause me to put a lot of things into perspective.

Ive always been really comfortable in my own skin but I’ve found my 30s to definitely be more about self acceptance and self discovery. It’s a process I don’t think will ever stop.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

Ewok City said:


> Was 20s the best years of your life?


Oh and not even close. There were some great moments but I feel like I get better the older I get.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

Queen of Cups said:


> On my 30th birthday one of my closest friends was killed in a car accident. It was the day before her 30th birthday. I’ve never really feared aging but it did cause me to put a lot of things into perspective.


I'm sorry to hear that. 

I had similar experiences. I've only begin to realise how fragile life is after quite a few people whom I used to see on daily basis passed away. It led me into pondering about time, life, purpose, etc.. 

The experience also made me realise that we bring none of our material possessions to the grave, and taught me to look beyond that. 



Queen of Cups said:


> Oh and not even close. There were some great moments but I feel like I get better the older I get.


Awesome! Now I have something to look forward to. 😄


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

I'd also like to add that my mother says the best years of her life were her 30s.

That's when he was newly married, me an my twin brother were infants, and two other brothers were yet to be born.

I think she just loved the mixture of family life, raising her kids, and also I remember there were a lot more family events back then, going to grandparents place etc. I think that's why my mum liked her 30s the best.

Anyway my point is that 20s are not necessarily the best years of someone's life!


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## SgtPepper (Nov 22, 2016)

Early 20's meh to terrible.
Late 20's best years of my life.


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## Queen of Cups (Feb 26, 2010)

Ewok City said:


> I'm sorry to hear that.
> 
> I had similar experiences. I've only begin to realise how fragile life is after quite a few people whom I used to see on daily basis passed away. It led me into pondering about time, life, purpose, etc..
> 
> The experience also made me realise that we bring none of our material possessions to the grave, and taught me to look beyond that.


Thanks and exactly what you said. 
My older sister died when I was 17 and it happened at a really turbulent time in my life. So I think processing that helped me process a lot of other unresolved feelings. 
Then life threw us another curve ball, my tubal failed and I had our youngest son. 


Ewok City said:


> Awesome! Now I have something to look forward to. 😄


Pretty much. 
I’ll be 40 this year and while I get told I should be dreading it, IDK I’m just embracing life as it happens because I learned that everything is fleeting.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Ewok City said:


> How did you balance spending time with your parents and work / studies / whatever you were doing back then?


I didn't. I was all over the place. Navy, College, More College, Job, another Job. 



> What are some of your regrets about your 20s?


I felt like I had all the time in the world and I didn't savor it as much as I should have. It was the only time as an adult when my responsibilities were low and I was young enough to enjoy myself and I squandered it. Maybe that's the point of getting older. You come to appreciate just how much you squandered being young and learn to slow down a little and enjoy what time you have left. I have long believed that "wisdom" is the intersection of knowledge and experience. Part of the equation is living long enough to learn from your mistakes and figure out how to not make the same ones twice. Also, take good care of yourself while you're young, your older self will thank you (I mean diet, regular exercise, avoid smoking, etc). 



> What are some helpful advices that you could give to those in their 20s?


Take the time to stop and enjoy being young because *you will* wake up one day and realize you aren't anymore. Fill your 20s with experiences, fun, and learning. Live right up to the edge when you can. When you look back, remember the good times and don't forget what you learned "...The hard way." 



> Was 20s the best years of your life?


They were an adventure, but no. I didn't know enough about what it means to be an adult (or me) in my 20s and didn't enjoy being young to its fullest. I missed out on a lot of opportunities because I was not paying attention. I realized at 30 just how ignorant I was at 20, I noticed at 40 just how ignorant I was at 30. The pattern repeats itself every 10 years. I've finally started to get a good grip on things and now my body is falling apart.


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## idk im bella tho (Jan 14, 2021)

really really fast i feel like my twiuntys went and flew away from me 😭 even tho im 15 ;-;


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## Whippit (Jun 15, 2012)

*How did you balance spending time with your parents and work / studies / whatever you were doing back then?*

I graduated HS early, got a technical degree and a corporate job. I worked full time throuout my 20s, was married, had kids, and had a pretty distant relationship with my parents.

*What are some of your regrets about your 20s?*

I stayed too long in a job and life that wasn't working for me, but I don't know how I could've done different, I really didn't know better. I was just doing stuff I heard that is supposed to be sensible.

*What are some helpful advices that you could give to those in their 20s?*

Think of those years as experimental, a time to find what works for you. Don't plant your flag in anything too early in a permanent way. Once you're out of the family home, and outside of a educational institution, you are only barely getting to know yourself without so much outside structure. Make the best of it.

*Was 20s the best years of your life?*

Hell no. I'd almost rather be back in middle school than in my 20s.


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## Vanille (Jun 12, 2021)

I'm 3 years in, I still feel like 18 however... I spent my teens fighting mental health issues, felt good for a year or two, had some cool plans... Then I got that godforsaken virus and I've been sick since. I feel like it's still 2019.

They say time flies when having fun, I can tell you the opposite is true... If you're not making memories, it's like no time has passed... But time HAS passed and I AM getting older, that's hard to accept. Looking at my family and my own health, I'm lucky if I even make it past 50, also early dementia runs in our blood so even IF I get old, I may not know... So I hate the "you're still so young" cause looking at my lifespan, I'm already middle-aged.


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## WraithOfNightmare (Jun 20, 2019)

I was emotionally and mentally abused for much of my earlier years, so my twenties are the time where I’m just starting to recover and really live life. Coming from a broken family has made me very longing for love and understanding, and it has only increased my desire to have a happy and thriving marriage and kids of my own.

Along with finding what really makes me happy and a better sense of security and self-fulfillment, I really hope to get married at or near the end of this decade (not 2020-2030 but decade as in my twenties), I don’t want to be an old dad and an old grandpa.

I do not regret not doing certain things in my twenties because I rarely, if ever see things that “have to be done” when I’m “still young” or else I’ll live to “regret it.” I believe the vast majority of people only have a career in the sense of a glorified job, I am not career oriented at all nor do I agree with modern psychology’s emphasis on “self-actualization” or “fulfilling your potential.” Maybe someone else that comes from a different and perhaps more well-adjusted sort of background may well find happiness and comfort in these things, and maybe one day I will find what I really want to do, but I am aware of my own situation and know that I must go after a somewhat different set of things to make things better for my children’s and my grandchildren’s generation. To me in my situation this life will be for laying new and better foundations.

I think I’m a late bloomer and that the thirties, forties will be when I really start to bloom. Perhaps the real blossoming won’t be me but my kids. I want to try my best to not have them go through what I went through, but since we live in such rapidly changing and uncertain times I would also feel the need to keep a firm grip on their values and to make sure they don’t get into trouble or fall under bad influences.

The twenties are for laying some of the foundations for that and the centerpiece of it will be marrying the right person to spend the rest of my life with and start a family with. I have lots of weird thoughts, I have hobbies and being the scatterbrained person I am I can be everywhere in my mind but there are things I know I need in my life and that I’d feel incomplete without them.

I am just starting to find my own person and I doubt I’d ever be considered fully “well adjusted” by the society we live in, nor would I necessarily want to be that way in a world that’s so filled with short-sightedness and all kinds of cruelties, vanity, and injustices.

Right now, and when I’m older and look back at this decade of my life, I will perhaps feel a little bit jealous (but not overly) of some of my peers who are out there, doing things and really living their twenties as they’re “supposed to”. Sometimes I wish I could worry less and not be so preoccupied with the “long game”, but I hope and deep down feel that perhaps I’ll better off for it, at the end of the day, in the way that would best benefit me into middle and old age, as well as my descendants.

I’m not exactly “young” anymore (turning 25 in a week), but I never stop wondering, and nor do I want to. I can have a good time and just relax, but if it’s just hedonism and doing things for the sake of it (“while I’m still young”) carries no deeper meaning for me, unless it’s in very little doses.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

WraithOfNightmare said:


> Right now, and when I’m older and look back at this decade of my life, I will perhaps feel a little bit jealous (but not overly) of some of my peers who are out there, doing things and really living their twenties as they’re “supposed to”.


I understand your feeling about this really well. 

Going back to college at 24 wasn't an easy decision for me. I was too used to paying my own bills, and then suddenly I'm back to taking money from my parents. 

On my first year, I can't help but compare myself with my friends who have started their families, busy running their own businesses / startups, some has even taught at universities! While I'm just a university freshman. I thought, _"Am I not too old for this?"_ 

What made me come to terms with it was after I realised that life happens to everyone, not just me. Life is not a straight path, but the good news is, sometimes the straight path isn't the fastest path after all! 

This is the analogy that I'm talking about:











WraithOfNightmare said:


> I think I’m a late bloomer and that the thirties, forties will be when I really start to bloom. Perhaps the real blossoming won’t be me but my kids.


I'm sure you'll make a great father. I hope you'll find someone to start the perfect family for you!


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## WraithOfNightmare (Jun 20, 2019)

You lived in China? Would love to hear about your experiences there. What made you go there and what made you leave? 

I might be mistaking you for someone else but were you ever on Happier Abroad (the forum)? Not sure if you know me but I was Bao3niang on there.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

WraithOfNightmare said:


> You lived in China? Would love to hear about your experiences there. What made you go there and what made you leave?


Yep! I'm happy you remembered! 

I chose to go there mostly due to practical reasons. I got a scholarship to a school with decent ranking. And also, it might be beneficial for my dad's business if I could build some connections with people there. 

But for the personal reasons, my ancestors are from Southern province of China, and I feel like culturally I'm still the most comfortable there. And I happen to know a friend who has been thinking of starting a business in China. His girlfriend is from Beijing, and seems like his girlfriend is quite willing to help us out on it. 

I would be more than happy to share more about my experiences there next time!  



WraithOfNightmare said:


> I might be mistaking you for someone else but were you ever on Happier Abroad (the forum)? Not sure if you know me but I was Bao3niang on there.


Hmm, I'm not in that forum, but it sounds interesting. I might check it out later on. Thanks for the information!


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## WraithOfNightmare (Jun 20, 2019)

Thanks a lot for the encouragement! And I also wish you the best.  Please don’t feel discouraged at all. When I was in Canada there were plenty of older people with families that were attending classes at my university. Some were going for a second degree, Masters or PhD, others were first time college students because when they were younger they didn’t go for different reasons.  So please don’t feel like you are “weird”. If anything, I almost didn’t make it into college back in the day because I was so upset and tired by the idea of formal education by the end of high school.

I guess our type are often late bloomers, but when we finally bloom we offer so many unique things that are so lacking in today’s world.  And please don’t feel ashamed for taking money from your parents. I’m still doing that (my parents are divorced and my mom’s side is better off), actually. The idea of “self-sufficiency” is highly overrated by the capitalist world and people are made to look like failures if they don’t “make it”, but as I see it the system is inherently flawed and unjust and that there is no inherent good in “making your own way”. I would not judge someone if they were unable or unwilling to “provide for themselves” in monetary terms, unless they’re overall just crappy people. And besides it’s not like you are putting them in a worse off situation by having them support you, I’m sure you’re a good person and not using money for bad things.  We each have our own merits yet this world judges people based on their economic rather than human value, sad isn’t it?

 For a while I even felt a little bad about it, but not anymore because I’d rather not be stuck with a bunch of office politics and people who don’t mean well. And let’s face it how many of us would choose to be this miserable if not because we have to survive (again, sad)? Haha.

Life doesn’t have to be a straight path and even if I do find happiness in some of the things that society tells me I need to be happy, it doesn’t have to be in the same way that society expects me to go about it.


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## WraithOfNightmare (Jun 20, 2019)

Sounds good! Where in China are you currently?  I am happy you still feel culturally comfortable and connected to your heritage.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

WraithOfNightmare said:


> I guess our type are often late bloomers


Indeed.. I've read that INxP children are the "orchid children", as opposed to the ESxP type who are "dandelion children". We're more of a late bloomer because we need to know the purpose behind everything we do, which is not quite possible without years of experience. 



WraithOfNightmare said:


> Where in China are you currently?


I'm enrolled to a school in Hangzhou now!  But I went back to Indonesia during the Chinese New Year of 2020, and I haven't been allowed to return since. 



WraithOfNightmare said:


> I am happy you still feel culturally comfortable and connected to your heritage.


Thanks! My mom keeps telling us about what her grandfather's message. "Don't forget that our home is in 南安 15都, remember that and pass on the message to your children and grandchildren." Those are what my great grandfather told my grandfather as they sailed towards Southeast Asia, leaving behind their home. 

My family is really traditional and we've preserved the tradition quite well. And I'm happy about it, because identity crisis isn't too fun when it hits. 😅



WraithOfNightmare said:


> Thanks a lot for the encouragement! And I also wish you the best.  Please don’t feel discouraged at all. When I was in Canada there were plenty of older people with families that were attending classes at my university. Some were going for a second degree, Masters or PhD, others were first time college students because when they were younger they didn’t go for different reasons.  So please don’t feel like you are “weird”. If anything, I almost didn’t make it into college back in the day because I was so upset and tired by the idea of formal education by the end of high school.


Well, thank YOU for your kind words and assurance! Conversations with you are always enjoyable.


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## Asd456 (Jul 25, 2017)

tanstaafl28 said:


> I didn't. I was all over the place. Navy, College, More College, Job, another Job.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey. Your post really moved me. I know I'm still in my 20s so feel free to disregard my 2 cents but I just wanted to say that I believe you have it in you to change your health in a meaningful way. It is not too late and it is possible.

If you can sit through his in-depth interviews, this podcast has been a wealth of knowledge for me.

I wish you the best.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Asd456 said:


> Hey. Your post really moved me. I know I'm only in my 20s so feel free to disregard my 2 cents but I just wanted to say that I believe you have it in you to change your health in a meaningful way. It is not too late and it is possible.
> 
> If you can sit through his in-depth interviews, this podcast has been a wealth of knowledge for me.
> 
> I wish you the best.


Thanks!

Today is my 51st birthday. I walked for 30 minutes in 90° heat. I ate sensibly. 1 entree of chicken with veggies, 1 salad with balsamic vinegar, and I'll have a light snack before bedtime. 

I'll do it all over again tomorrow. I'm making strides, but there is more yet to do.

I need to figure out how to "deprogram" some of the things I learned when I was younger to protect myself that are no longer doing me any good now.


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## Ewok City (Sep 21, 2020)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Today is my 51st birthday.


Happy birthday!!! 😄🎉🎂


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## Asd456 (Jul 25, 2017)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Thanks!
> 
> Today is my 51st birthday. I walked for 30 minutes in 90° heat. I ate sensibly. 1 entree of chicken with veggies, 1 salad with balsamic vinegar, and I'll have a light snack before bedtime.
> 
> ...


Happy birthday!!


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## BlackGoat26 (Jun 24, 2021)

Too fast. I didn't expect to age so fast.


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