# Feelings for someone else..



## natsky (Aug 18, 2009)

I have a boyfriend, but I have a big crush on a mutual friend of ours that we just started hanging out with. I know stuff like this can be normal, but I'm a little bit unnerved because it's the same feeling I got when I met my past boyfriends. I talked to him online last night for a few hours, and I don't easily have conversations with people for that long. I can tell we could be good friends, but I'm feeling very confused and guilty because he's been on my mind.

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and am very much in love with him, so I'm not in any way considering anything. But I feel like a crappy person that I even have these feelings when I love my boyfriend so much. What should I do? Should I avoid my friend? Maybe even tell him I can't talk to him as much and why (somehow I know he'd understand... though, that's probably inappropriate)? Or should I just continue to develop a friendship with him while trying ignore these feelings?


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

You say you love your boyfriend, but are you attracted to your boyfriend more than this person? Do you know whether you will be able to control yourself if this friend ever made a pass at you? If not then you need to think about your current relationship and whether you want it to continue. 
But on the other hand I think it's just a harmless crush. It should pass. If not then take my advice.


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

*drum roll*

In my personal opinion which is undeniably a bit crooked; there will be more like this person in the years to come. More people you have crushes on and people he might develop crushes for.

How would you want him to handle this situation?

The answer varies from one person to the other. For me, I like to know that my man has all the space to do what he wants and WILLINGLY still wants me more than any other. So he has crushes, but when it comes down to it -- he picks me. 

Would you be comfortable in the relationship if you knew he was getting closer to someone he has a crush on? Do you trust him and trust yourself? 

Bottom line, don't do something you don't want done to you and don't do something that you would feel the need to hide. Ofcourse keeping in mind that you have enough self control.

There is also the possibility that new guy turns out more suitable than old guy. Are you willing to live with the burden of dumping someone for another? It is a possibility you might need to consider.

Hope it helped and did not mess it up :happy:


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## EvilByte (Aug 5, 2009)

Alizée did a very good job of expressing most of my sentiments. Having a "do unto others"/Golden Rule attitude can be a very good way to make sure you feel that all the decisions you make are as fair as they can be. 

Fidelity is extremely important to me, and I used to be quite jealous. But I've come to realize that people (including myself) just have natural tendencies and feelings that they cannot control. It's not being unfaithful to have a crush on someone else, because you cannot help having such feelings. It's whether you act on them or not that determines your character and how others will feel about you at the end of the day. If you feel that you can not talk to him without being tempted, and you don't feel open to the idea of him possibly becoming your new boyfriend, then you need to realize how to limit yourself so you don't fall prey to your own emotions.

And if you feel that it would help, you are certainly free to tell this new friend and/or your current boyfriend how you feel. People react to things in different ways, though, so use your best judgement. A lot of people appreciate honesty and the knowledge that you're trying your best for them. And if you're open about this, it might give you even better communication that what you currently have with your boyfriend. But it's all up to you. Whatever you feel you make you the happiest and give you the most peace to rest at night.


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## natsky (Aug 18, 2009)

You guys give great advice, thanks 

For one thing, I'm way more attracted to my boyfriend, and this guy doesn't compare. So that's good. If my boyfriend had a crush, I'd expect him to just be careful, and not act on it. I'd want him to still at the end of the day think of me as his number one choice, and be faithful. And I'll do the same. I think we both love and know each other well enough to know there's nothing to worry about when it comes to faithfulness. 

I feel better that a crush is in fact normal, and the important part is I'd never act on it. If my boyfriend asked me to never speak to this guy again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I feel a little guilty that my boyfriend has no idea I even have this crush, but he very well may not even be bothered, so I might just tell him.

Thanks again for the advice!


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

There was a guy at work, I had the same thing. I've never had this problem before, never even felt sexually attracted to any guy besides my boyfriend. Luckily he is also married, so it isn't a temptation for us anymore because we both realize that if anything happened, it wouldn't be worth the risk, because yeah we both care about each other...but our significant other takes the cake. :tongue:

We are good friends now, but...it is a very dangerous road. Things generally don't work out that way.


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## starri (Jan 23, 2009)

Be careful in the way you tell him. Light issues deserve a light environment. If there is too much drama going on it might not be pretty. Hmm, i don't know how open you guys normally are so i can't specifically say how- but just take care. Might be a simple issue but liable to grow out of proportion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## natsky (Aug 18, 2009)

Yeah, I can tell it's dangerous... so I'll hang out with the guy, like with my boyfriend around, but I think I'll avoid being one on one. And keep chatting to a minimum. 

Generally we're very open about stuff so I highly doubt it'd create an issue... but thanks, I'll be careful! I feel much better now, lol.


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## jochris (Jul 18, 2009)

I guess many of us have crushes from time to time, even when we were taken. I definitely have, the trick is to know when it's just a superficial crush and when it is an actual bundle of feelings. Saying that, though, I would still highly prefer it if my partner didn't... Obviously.


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