# How many guys have dropped out of the "dating" scene?



## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

Personally I'm simply becoming tired of the whole shebang and simply thinking of dropping out of it completely.

The biggest reason is that most girls I meet bore the fuck out of me. How many times do I have to sit in a noisy bar/club and feign interest in "Julia" talking about some TV soap that is of no interest whatsoever. Or it is because her life is of even less fucking interest. Puhleeze there is only so much shit that I can take before you switch me off.

So, how many guys have said "fuck it", dropped out of it, and gone on to do whatever interests them? I'm simply curious to know.


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## MXZCCT (May 29, 2011)

I just be patient and look harder. I don't let it bother me. And neither should you. A lot of the girls who are "interesting" are doing other activities than just getting tanked. Sports, phsycial hobbies, and all that jazz.


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

Technically, I did. However, I've never been one to go to a bar to pick up women. In fact, I have no clue how to pick up women or have any desire to do so.


Relationships are too much work and I've really got nothing to offer anyone right now. So why bother?


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

MXZCCT said:


> I just be patient and look harder. I don't let it bother me. And neither should you. A lot of the girls who are "interesting" are doing other activities than just getting tanked. Sports, phsycial hobbies, and all that jazz.


To be honest, I'd rather date my dance-partners than these pissheads in the bars and the entitled retards on dating sites. I made a rule against it, simply because there was no way that I wanted to deal with potential awkwardness at dance-lessons. Same with the girls at gym.

Perhaps I should talk with some of the girls at gym. They're doing something worthwhile with their lives.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Yardiff Bey said:


> So, how many guys have said "fuck it", dropped out of it, and gone on to do whatever interests them? I'm simply curious to know.


I have. I don't have much to offer anybody and furthermore I'm not compatible with most of the world and even the people that would be nice for me I probably wouldn't be what's best for them.


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## blooddrivendream (Jun 14, 2012)

I never started with the dating thing. I don't get it, how it works or why people bother.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

I'm not sure I was ever in the dating scene, but sure, let's say I've dropped out.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

I think I should probably change my answer...



Fitz Cabbage said:


> I'm not sure I was ever in the dating scene, but sure, let's say I've dropped out.


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

I was never in the dating scene. Previous SOs all started out as friends first. *shrugs* I've never been keen on the idea of dating random people. Also, I've found that people tend to need to know me for awhile before they find that level of interest in me. I'm a rather quiet and reserved fellow, even more so around strangers.


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## nottie (Mar 2, 2011)

Yardiff Bey said:


> To be honest, I'd rather date my dance-partners than these pissheads in the bars and the entitled retards on dating sites. I made a rule against it, simply because there was no way that I wanted to deal with potential awkwardness at dance-lessons. Same with the girls at gym.
> 
> Perhaps I should talk with some of the girls at gym. They're doing something worthwhile with their lives.


It sounds like you've been trying to force yourself with girls that have vastly different interests than yourself. No real surprise that hasn't worked, huh?

Separating yourself from the stereotypical "scene" is probably a good idea, but it could be worth finding girls that actually like some of the same things you do. Obviously trying to feign interest in topics that sound like drivel won't lead anywhere meaningful.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

GoodOldDreamer said:


> I was never in the dating scene. Previous SOs all started out as friends first. *shrugs* I've never been keen on the idea of dating random people. Also, I've found that people tend to need to know me for awhile before they find that level of interest in me. I'm a rather quiet and reserved fellow, even more so around strangers.


Same, generally. While I can "perform" and pick up the girls, it isn't that natural, and grates sometimes.



nottie said:


> It sounds like you've been trying to force yourself with girls that have vastly different interests than yourself. No real surprise that hasn't worked, huh?
> 
> Separating yourself from the stereotypical "scene" is probably a good idea, but it could be worth finding girls that actually like some of the same things you do. Obviously trying to feign interest in topics that sound like drivel won't lead anywhere meaningful.


Pretty much. Tell me where I can find a girl who is interested in a quiet guy who: 1/ does high-end computer and networking stuff, 2/ has studied Tarot and Chakras and astrology and suchlike, 3/ knows how to dance, 4/ goes to the gym, and 5/ is learning massage. Also who has his own home and who is interested in travel.


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## 626Stitch (Oct 22, 2010)

> I made a rule against it, simply because there was no way that I wanted to deal with potential awkwardness at dance-lessons. Same with the girls at gym.


Maybe your trying to hard to compartmentalize your life?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Yardiff Bey said:


> Personally I'm simply becoming tired of the whole shebang and simply thinking of dropping out of it completely.
> 
> The biggest reason is that most girls I meet bore the fuck out of me. How many times do I have to sit in a noisy bar/club and feign interest in "Julia" talking about some TV soap that is of no interest whatsoever. Or it is because her life is of even less fucking interest. Puhleeze there is only so much shit that I can take before you switch me off.
> 
> So, how many guys have said "fuck it", dropped out of it, and gone on to do whatever interests them? I'm simply curious to know.


Dude, take a break. Your heart isn't in it anymore. I've taken a break for one year last year. It was nice. No pressure, didn't feel like I had to sell myself. I just focused on my business, my marathon goals, and my daughter.

Pick a new short term goal. 

Come back to it when you miss it. One of my best guy friends took 3 years off. He just found a woman he really likes now though. So he really didn't even go back into the dating scene. He just took himself out of the cocoon when he found someone who was worth it, and he was ready.

And I hear you. Some men that I date, seriously make me want to put a gun to my head when they talk. They lack seriously depth and they are willing to overlook our differences because they are so desperate for a relationship. Drives me nuts. I often will pull out of the scene when it gets too much or I get bored with everyone. Remember, we're older and we usually no longer need to be with someone all the time. Don't force it. Just relax and enjoy whatever it is you want to do. If you feel like dating, do it. When it becomes not fun, stop doing it for a while. Same goes for isolating, etc.



Yardiff Bey said:


> To be honest, I'd rather date my dance-partners than these pissheads in the bars and the entitled retards on dating sites. I made a rule against it, simply because there was no way that I wanted to deal with potential awkwardness at dance-lessons. Same with the girls at gym.
> 
> Perhaps I should talk with some of the girls at gym. They're doing something worthwhile with their lives.


Yeah, I won't date other runner men in my running circle. Running is my sanctuary and people break up all the time. I don't want that kind of drama in my sanctuary. My friends always suggest meeting a fellow marathoner, etc. No. No way. 

I'd be careful about approaching women in the gym. I for one, hate getting approached at the gym. I'm there to work out, not to be oogled. Plus it's hard standing there talking to some guy while I'm half naked and sweaty. 

However, what has worked for me is some guy asking me for a run. That usually gets a date quick.





Yardiff Bey said:


> Tell me where I can find a girl who is interested in a quiet guy who: 1/ does high-end computer and networking stuff, 2/ has studied Tarot and Chakras and astrology and suchlike, 3/ knows how to dance, 4/ goes to the gym, and 5/ is learning massage. Also who has his own home and who is interested in travel.


You know, you're sorta missing the point here. A guy could have and do all these things, but it tells me little about his personality. I could be completely bored by you on a date or I could be intrigued. There is more to a person than hobbies and things he owns. I'm sure you know that. It's a good opener for conversation if you have similar interests, but that doesn't necessarily mean you two will have chemistry.


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## progBOT (May 4, 2011)

I never got "into it". If an interesting, attractive girl comes along, then I'll ask her out and we'll go do something fun. I find no reason to spend time with someone I don't find interesting just for the sake of having a girlfriend or going out.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Meh, I woulda needed to be in the dating scene in order to drop out.

So technically I have not.

Congratulation on realizing that people are boring, though.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Erbse said:


> Meh, I woulda needed to be in the dating scene in order to drop out.
> 
> So technically I have not.
> 
> Congratulation on realizing that people are boring, though.


 @Erbse, I have no idea why you haven't been swept up yet. You are so bitter, it's down right attractive.


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## Anthoric (May 31, 2012)

I'm on the fence, have been forever, jsut when I am ready to give up something comes along, renews my faith, then pushes me back towards giving up again. I can't say it's pointless, I've learned a lot about myself and what I want from it.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> @Erbse, I have no idea why you haven't been swept up yet. You are so bitter, it's down right attractive.


I'm not bitter; In fact I'm so full of myself that you'll immediately notice that I have interest in you. You as in a stranger, not you you, obviously.

Only people I bestow with attention are those I find interesting, that I aren't able to see through almost immediately - rare breed!

If I can't figure you out, then you're interesting. Interesting doesn't necessarily equal attraction, though. Just means I might stick around for a while to gain insight before walking away.

I don't care about your values, life goal, family, family plan, future visions or career.

Some fix-upper-complex gal would most certainly meet her limit with me :tongue:

EDIT: Although I am a prick, I'm nowhere near 'I got xyz' or 'am xyz' 'so where's my gurl?!'. You either like me for me or you don't.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Dude, take a break. Your heart isn't in it anymore. I've taken a break for one year last year. It was nice. No pressure, didn't feel like I had to sell myself. I just focused on my business, my marathon goals, and my daughter.
> 
> Pick a new short term goal.
> 
> ...


You are correct, dating just isn't fun any more.



pinkrasputin said:


> Yeah, I won't date other runner men in my running circle. Running is my sanctuary and people break up all the time. I don't want that kind of drama in my sanctuary. My friends always suggest meeting a fellow marathoner, etc. No. No way.
> 
> I'd be careful about approaching women in the gym. I for one, hate getting approached at the gym. I'm there to work out, not to be oogled. Plus it's hard standing there talking to some guy while I'm half naked and sweaty.
> 
> However, what has worked for me is some guy asking me for a run. That usually gets a date quick.


You are completely correct about sanctuaries. Dance is my sanctuary, gym is my sanctuary. I don't want to just go and do "something else" for the sake of finding a girl to date though - that's lame. Even though I know that that's why guys and girls go to dancing - you can tell that type because they just suddenly disappear without warning.



pinkrasputin said:


> You know, you're sorta missing the point here. A guy could have and do all these things, but it tells me little about his personality. I could be completely bored by you on a date or I could be intrigued. There is more to a person than hobbies and things he owns. I'm sure you know that. It's a good opener for conversation if you have similar interests, but that doesn't necessarily mean you two will have chemistry.


I know I was missing something. XD Hah, actually, being an ISTJ - showing personality is damn hard. I think it'll just have to be a slow-grow thing, which is how I've run across the better types in my life. Which means basically "too bad Yardiff", and is of course why I've had a grating time with the whole dating scene.

Thanks for the comments Pinkrasputin, you've clarified quite a few things in my head.


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## Stufreddy (May 6, 2012)

I dropped out after quite a few relationship failures. I concluded that I'm not good at handling the typical relationship and other people's feelings. I also get cheated on more than not. I want to meet a cute alien girl and see if that works out.


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

Mountainshepherd said:


> Modern dating is a distortion, if you really want to meet people your best bet is to develop your skills and establish who you are, build your vision and your persona. Those things will bring you women who share your interests, because you will glow to those women and they will desire to be closer.
> 
> I tried the bar thing for several years, nature of the industry I was in it was the go to social quality, and I found more or less what has been described. Bored people keeping walls up, or vacuous people trying to bask in the false light of reflected glory (being cynical to make a point, so its exaggerated).
> 
> ...


All I could think of as I read this was: Hark, a vagrant: 61


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## Inphamous (May 10, 2011)

I dont think i could do the formal dating thing if i tried. Sadly there is no way i will meet anyone with out being something that im not. I am extremely reclusive and damn near have an anxiety attack just going into walmart. Not only is any unnecessary social interaction avoided like the plague, but if i am out for some reason (like shopping) then that is absolutely all im doing. Most people would not know how anxious i am because i can seem sociable but all my interactions have one goal; get done with primary reason for being out and get home. 

Pretending to be interested in anyone would by deffinition be fake. However being alone does not really bother me. And the knowledge that it will be that way untill i take a dirt nap is not as bad as many people seem to think. Partners generally need much more than i do so i get screwed anyway in a relationship


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## SugarForBreakfast (Jun 25, 2012)

Yardiff Bey said:


> To be honest, I'd rather date my dance-partners than these pissheads in the bars and the _*entitled retards on dating sites*_.


Bolded for emphasis



GoodOldDreamer said:


> I was never in the dating scene. Previous SOs all started out as _*friends first*_. *shrugs* I've never been keen on the idea of dating random people. Also, I've found that people tend to need to know me for awhile before they find that level of interest in me. I'm a rather quiet and reserved fellow, even more so around strangers.


A common theme with the previously quoted paragraph, as well. I've found that friends first is the easiest and even most natural method, and hell, that's how I'm dating my current girlfriend. We were friends for about a month before we became a couple, and we've officially been a couple for almost 7 months now. A lot of people are against the idea of becoming friends first, but I feel that part of being sufficient partners is being each other's best friend, as well. My girlfriend is my best friend and I'm hers - there just also happens to be a raging spark between the two of us. 



Chipps said:


> I think the modern dating scene really fucks people up in a major way. _*All these rules on what you're supposed to do, how you're supposed to do it, when you're supposed to do it etc make it so that no one really has to develop any actual traits that could possibly be found attractive.*_


Amen. A-f**king-men. From all the PUA/seduction communities online for men, to all the "Why Men Love/Marry Bitches/He's Just Not That Into You" books for women, everyone's being taught to mask themselves and pretend to be people they're not, in order to feel worthy or deserving of love.

I get so frustrated when women think they have to play coy or elusive or mysterious when there are plenty of men who'd love them for being affectionate, warm, inviting, etc. (The oldest example in the book for this is the "3 Day Rule" where you were supposed to wait 3 days before calling someone - I think How I Met Your Mother had an episode which covered this). I sure as hell didn't want to turn myself into a sociopathic "pickup artist" in order to get a serious relationship. 

I also want to provide a testament to others that you do NOT have to change yourself to find someone. Sure, you perhaps should work on improving yourself, and the more you've grown up the merrier, but you don't have to alter your personality or do anything that feels unnatural/artificial. The truth always comes out - especially in a relationship - and if you attract someone by playing icy/aloof/hard-to-get, how do you think it's going to bode if your real self comes out? The self that wants a long-term relationship, to be emotionally intimate with someone; you think the shallow idiot you "manipulated" into loving you will stick around?



> Everyone wants to do the bare minimum while getting this huge payoff in the form of some "ideal" partner. _*Whenever I hear people listing off all the things they want in a mate, I ask, "what do you bring to the table? Why would someone want to spend their time and energy (which they can never get back) on you?" No one really thinks of it that way. Well, not too many.*_
> 
> Everyone thinks they're entitled to something even if they don't deserve it. Welcome to the 21st century where you dont have to work for anything and can easily take out a line of credit to cover it. You don't need a personality, character or integrity, all you need to do is seem like you have any or all of those things to _*trap someone into being exclusive*_ with you. Its a crying shame really. The dating game isn't one I'm willing to play. No thanks, it does not appeal to me. Lastly, because the dating scene doesn't appeal to me, _*I'm also not going to spend my time scraping the bottom of the barrel for scraps. I want a certain type of relationship and I am willing to wait in order to find it.*_ You surely will not find me settling for casual relationships/FWB because its better than having nothing. Nope, I'm good.


And that pretty much covers the rest of my opinion.


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## Mountainshepherd (Feb 23, 2012)

stephiphi said:


> All I could think of as I read this was: Hark, a vagrant: 61


That's awesome. Even a comedic comparison to Tesla is very flattering.


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## V3n0M93 (May 20, 2010)

Never been in the dating scene, probably never will.


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## xerxes75 (Oct 3, 2010)

I have for now at least mainly because 1. I'm HEAD OVER HEELS crazy for someone else, so I don't think it would be a good idea to date someone if I'm WAY more into someone else, that's just not right in my opinion. 2. I plan to move in about a year, so I don't want to have a relationship with the knowledge that there's an expiration date.


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

Promethea said:


> I didn't 'date' most of my boyfriends before we got into a relationship. They were just people who I got to know, and feelings developed. Dating feels phony. Its like two people, sitting there, trying to impress each other to gain acceptance in a realm where acceptance just takes way more time. Its not a relaxed atmosphere no matter what, because of the expectations, so they probably aren't really just acting natural.
> 
> *I just try to get to know people as people. Sometimes you find someone who you click with.*


THIS. Especially the bolded part.

The whole concept of "dating" was always alien to me. Not to mention, the whole "dating scene" seems to reek of so much desperation. There are so many people trying to forge relationships out of thin air. It just never appealed to me, and it never will.


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## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm not a guy, but I, too, have dropped out of the dating scene. I'm tired of it. I've been out of the scene for 5-6 months now. No complaints thus far.


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## Rachel Something (Jan 30, 2012)

Chipps said:


> I dont think its just men who've dropped out of the "dating" scene. Im female, and while I guess I was never technically in the dating scene, I surely won't be joining it. I think it sucks for both sides, especially if you're someone that wants more than just sex, easy attention, free food etc. Seems like its impossible to meet someone who isn't jaded with a negative view of the opposite sex. I think the modern dating scene really fucks people up in a major way. *All these rules on what you're supposed to do, how you're supposed to do it, when you're supposed to do it etc make it so that no one really has to develop any actual traits that could possibly be found attractive. *


An example that came to mind was: "Don't have sex with a guy on the first date." Such a bullshit rule, in my opinion. Personallly, if I went out with a guy for the first time and we were both up for sex, then I don't see what the freaking problem is. If he thinks I am "easy" and not "relationship material" just because I did _the exact same thing he did_, then that's his business. Excuse me for being sexually attracted to him and trusting him enough to have sex with him. Besides, I'm not interested in someone with such hypocritical beliefs anyway. Not all guys have that mindset, and I would rather not play such dishonest games in an effort to win the favour of someone who may not even be right for me in the first place.



> Im female, but I realize that it does mega suck for men. There are too many women out there who think that having a vagina is all they need to bring to a relationship and a man will be happy. On the flip side, there are too many men out there who think that they don't have to really work for a relationship and if its hard (read: what should be normal difficulty) then they can just move on to something else because they are use to the chase being easy. No one, on both sides, wants to put in any work. Everyone wants to do the bare minimum while getting this huge payoff in the form of some "ideal" partner. *Whenever I hear people listing off all the things they want in a mate, I ask, "what do you bring to the table? Why would someone want to spend their time and energy (which they can never get back) on you?" No one really thinks of it that way. Well, not too many.*


This... so damn much. Both men and women are guilty of that sort of attitude, and I find it puzzling. Not to mention, there's something callous and impersonal about the way a lot of people pursue relationships in general. It doesn't seem to be all that much about forming a personal bond, and relating to the other person. It's basically about treating other people like commodities... like "partner shopping" or something. I don't understand it at all, and I want no part of it. 

To me, what matters is that there is mutual attraction, we can relate well to each other, and we share compatible interests, goals and values. Key words: _mutual, attraction, relate _and_ compatible_. To me, it's not about fulfilling a laundry list of desirable traits. A person can look really good on paper, but that does not mean that we will go well together at all.



> *Everyone thinks they're entitled to something even if they don't deserve it.* Welcome to the 21st century where you dont have to work for anything and can easily take out a line of credit to cover it.


Amen to that, especially the bolded part.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

Rachel Something said:


> The whole concept of "dating" was always alien to me. Not to mention, *the whole "dating scene" seems to reek of so much desperation*. There are so many people trying to *forge relationships* out of thin air. It just never appealed to me, and it never will.


Yupyupyup! It's no longer about forging a relationship, it's "who am I gonna fuck tonight". That and a whole lot of "how much can I get him to pay for before I give it out".

Neither is particularly appealing, though I dived into it for a while. Minus the paying part.



rachel something said:


> > *Everyone thinks they're entitled to something even if they don't deserve it.* Welcome to the 21st century where you dont have to work for anything and can easily take out a line of credit to cover it.
> 
> 
> Amen to that, especially the bolded part.


Zero delay. Zero consequences. Zero desire. Zero satisfaction.

Welcome to Planet Zero. Have a desperate life. V_V


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

I guess bitterness or appearing to give up is just as bad as 'noticing' what the dating world seems to be, would anyone like to discuss successes or unusual places they've met partners of interest?


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## Enkidu (Apr 19, 2010)

I've been in and out of the dating scene since I started back when I was an undergraduate. I really do enjoy being in healthy, or at least fun relationships because they resemble complex friendships. Friendships are always welcome, except when they are stressful and feel like a chore. It's all about patience - sometimes the most successful relationships are unexpected, sparked almost by accident.


StElmosDream said:


> I guess bitterness or appearing to give up is just as bad as 'noticing' what the dating world seems to be, would anyone like to discuss successes or unusual places they've met partners of interest?


Unique jobs and clubs: I used to be a pretty active member of an Outdoor Adventures club in college where I made some random, interesting friends. Maybe meetup groups are comparable? A previous partner of mine was a coworker that I met at a unique seasonal job; we hit it off and it got serious. Sometimes going outside your comfort zone...or not looking at all does the trick!


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## EmileeArsenic (Jun 8, 2012)

I jumped right into a long term relationship... I've never really "dated." I don't even know how to start. The whole dance is foreign to me and seems to involve a language I don't speak.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

do you bring up more interesting topics?


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

StElmosDream said:


> I guess bitterness or appearing to give up is just as bad as 'noticing' what the dating world seems to be, would anyone like to discuss successes or unusual places they've met partners of interest?


I had an awesome "fling" a few months back - we both knew that was all it would be and both were fine with it. Reason: she is Czechoslovakian and was heading back home in a couple of weeks. She was everything that the girls in the "dating" scene were not:

* sweet-hearted
* feminine
* respectful
* would stand up for herself (respectfully)
* had her own opinions that she shared (with difficulty because her english wasn't be best)
* fun and humorous (in a relaxed manner)
* loving and caring
* unspoiled

Thinking about it, that woman has really raised the bar of my expectations.



Mendi the ISFJ said:


> do you bring up more interesting topics?


You'd be surprised what I as an ISTJ think of as interesting. About the only topics that I don't find interesting off-the-bat are: shoes, nails, hair, makeup, clothing (I'm a guy). Even those I can find interesting if the topic is framed in a manner interesting for guys, namely how they make a girl look to me and other guys. (Yep, definitely a guy.)

Example, I hear girls going on about nail-polish and suchlike. "Where'd you get that? That looks nice! How much? I'm going to have to try it..." Sure, fine, go for it. Ask me about it though, and my responses are either going to be monosyllabic or short ("Nice." "Looks good.") or - if feeling in an open and chatty mood - like: "The soft-pink signals to me that a girl is trying to portray herself as being more traditional and feminine. The curly hair framing her face, and the very subtle makeup, accentuates that. Red signals a naughty side, especially if coupled with red toenails. The straight black hair shows in my mind that she's trying to appear professional - belied by the nails, coupled with the red lipstick, she is actually exceptionally passionate inside. That multicolored set of nails (different for each fingernail) or sparkling/glittering polish? See the purple in the hair, and the thin blonde streak? Definitely a wild and daring girl who is deliberately on display and challenging the men to talk with her!"

Very simple stuff, yet you get the general drift. We men DO have opinions about things. Whether we share them depends upon:

1/ how comfortable we feel

2/ how we are approached

They say that men are shallow about how they think about and communicate with women on womenly subjects. I think that I have to disagree - women can be just as shallow. It simply depends upon how things are framed and how they approach us. If it's in a truly inquiring manner - lo, the words will spill forth! If it's in a challenging and confrontational and bitchy manner - you'll likely get a short answer.

Meh, somewhat off-topic and not entirely sure if that lot makes sense, Mendi.


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## Aqualung (Nov 21, 2009)

I think dating is really a lousy way for 2 people to get to know each other. It's an audition for both. Fireworks or failure. Two facades trying to keep their guard up & protecting their egos while trying to connect at the same time. It made sense in the culture of 1959 & before I guess, when gender roles were vastly different. Males & females were much more "walled off" from each other & inhibited. Personally I'd rather know someone for at least a week before I even know if I want to date her. Probably the same for her too. I know guys who say "Wow, she's pretty, I'm going to get her number" before they know anything about her. I could never do that. I used to see dating as a "rite of passage". As in, "Hey, I survived a date!" Anyhoo, those days are over for me, just had to rant. If I were still single I wouldn't be dating today. At least in the traditional sense; "Bowl her over with bombastic wit! Sing, dance, do cartwheels & pushups & hope to make it to round 2 & eventually the Finals!!" Good grief that would suck. I never quite got into "jackass mode", as desperate as I was.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Yardiff Bey said:


> I had an awesome "fling" a few months back - we both knew that was all it would be and both were fine with it. Reason: she is Czechoslovakian and was heading back home in a couple of weeks. She was everything that the girls in the "dating" scene were not:
> 
> * sweet-hearted
> * feminine
> ...


i cant imagine bringing up makeup or clothes with a guy at a bar, maybe you should try events that interest you, likely the women there would also be interested in the same thing you are, its a conversation starter anyway.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> i cant imagine bringing up makeup or clothes with a guy at a bar, maybe you should try events that interest you, likely the women there would also be interested in the same thing you are, its a conversation starter anyway.


Meh, picking up women at bars. I dance with them. If they can't be led, they have issues, and I avoid them. A very good filter.

Clothing/makeup/etc is the other women dancers LOL, us men roll our eyes.

And yes, we already established that bars are not the best place to find the better types.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Yardiff Bey said:


> I had an awesome "fling" a few months back - we both knew that was all it would be and both were fine with it. Reason: she is Czechoslovakian and was heading back home in a couple of weeks. She was everything that the girls in the "dating" scene were not:
> 
> * sweet-hearted
> * feminine
> ...


Thank you for sharing, I'm glad that at least a few posters are noting better experiences.

An LDR I experienced (discarding 'real love' versus infatuation here obviously) actually started me off on the path of self acceptance, just knowing one person could truly appreciate my sensitive, affectionate, caring side actually helped when I had got so used giving as the 'counsellor' without anyone ever reciprocating (was a broken connection but a start). I also came to realise what genres of music were about and found they meant more as a result even overcoming fear of affectionate touch (still learning this one but knowing that it is not so bad).


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Yardiff Bey said:


> we already established that bars are not the best place to find the better types.


what are the better types?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Yardiff Bey said:


> LOL it's one of those strange educational things that get flung around. I mean, take an MBA.
> 
> Large corporation - will probably hire someone with an MBA. "Hey, he must know what he's doing, right? He's got the ticket that says so!"
> 
> ...


I'm a small business owner, but my degree was in music. 

The success of my business means I'm a bad ass (everything in my world leads to this conclusion). I have my ESTP father's natural entrepreneurial skills, sprinkled with my idealistic creative spice of making mountains out of mole hills. 

My military ex was studying for his MBA while I was with him. How does military factor into your equation? How do I factor into your equation?

I'm so not going to embarrass myself again by asking "How do you factor inside my equation?" because I'm all lady-like and have learned my lesson. :happy:


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## Coziene (Jun 11, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> Lol. You don't have to stick your head under water in order to partake in under water basket weaving.
> 
> Um. Don't ask me how I know.


I am going out on a limb here, but I assume you basket weave underwater? Interesting. 



Yardiff Bey said:


> LOL it's one of those strange educational things that get flung around. I mean, take an MBA.
> 
> Large corporation - will probably hire someone with an MBA. "Hey, he must know what he's doing, right? He's got the ticket that says so!"
> 
> ...


Ah, I see. Yeah, I can understand the degree thing. I work in Business Administration myself and work the same job as my co-workers who hold bachelorettes at the very least, but usually a masters. I don't have one myself, but I have signed up for college shortly to get started on one. I can see how sinking all that money into a degree such as a masters could best be spent else-where; it is basic opportunity cost, not to mention cost/benefit analysis. 
A masters is an achievement though, and I look forward to getting it one day. A degree also gets your foot in the door, but with self-business you don't need it, but could possibly benefit from the knowledge gained, if not through another experience.

Edit - I lack foresight in reading details late in the early morning...


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> I'm a small business owner, but my degree was in music.
> 
> The success of my business means I'm a bad ass (everything in my world leads to this conclusion). I have my ESTP father's natural entrepreneurial skills, sprinkled with my idealistic creative spice of making mountains out of mole hills.
> 
> ...


Music is doing something, rather'n administrating it. Dunno about your ex-military guy, he might simply have been working on it for his military career and all. I would expect him to have a certain amount of self-starter, being in the officer track and all (IIRC).

How do I factor inside your equation? I'm a null result. :laughing:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Yardiff Bey said:


> How do I factor inside your equation? I'm a null result. :laughing:


I swear I'm not boring.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> I swear I'm not boring.


I would be the boring one. :laughing: Anyway, bedtime for this ISTJ fella.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

In the USA, I eventually decided that the streß and effort involved just was not worth a 0% success rate. But in Europe, it is a totally different story. It is funny, but people here consider me quite friendly and likable. Wierd, in the USA, I get people who think I am impenetrable and always gloomy. Still not used to pretty girls liking me.



pinkrasputin said:


> I swear I'm not boring.


We all know you are never boring, srslz.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

It's actually a good step. Develop yourself and your interests and the women will show up based on who you really are, not due to any effort to market yourself or feign interest in them. It usually doesn't take long.


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## Coziene (Jun 11, 2012)

SlowPoke68 said:


> It's actually a good step. Develop yourself and your interests and the women will show up based on who you really are, not due to any effort to market yourself or feign interest in them. It usually doesn't take long.


So what if developing who you are, and your interests, is staying in your room researching and reading? What, do women have a radar that will tell them that you are self-developing, and to come knocking on your door?
I'm pretty sure that being extraverted allows for a 200% increase in getting women. As an extravert, you are already out there meeting people. You thrive off of it. So meeting women is far easier, and common-place for you.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Coziene said:


> So what if developing who you are, and your interests, is staying in your room researching and reading? What, do women have a radar that will tell them that you are self-developing, and to come knocking on your door?
> I'm pretty sure that being extraverted allows for a 200% increase in getting women. As an extravert, you are already out there meeting people. You thrive off of it. So meeting women is far easier, and common-place for you.


"Introverted" does not mean living under a rock. It means that you process awareness internally rather than through external stimuli. Introverts are everywhere, out and about joining book clubs, going to readings, taking hikes, working out at the gym, volunteering, and even (gasp) talking to strangers. Just because you took a test that placed you on the "I" side of the scale doesn't absolve you from being a social human being. Sorry to break the news to you, pal.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

The dating scene is quite boring a lot of the time. It's not for everyone. 

If you are having trouble dealing with the boring girls you end up talking to, all I have to say is interesting people follow the passionate, as they are usually passionate themselves about a variety of things.


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## Coziene (Jun 11, 2012)

SlowPoke68 said:


> "Introverted" does not mean living under a rock. It means that you process awareness internally rather than through external stimuli. Introverts are everywhere, out and about joining book clubs, going to readings, taking hikes, working out at the gym, volunteering, and even (gasp) talking to strangers. Just because you took a test that placed you on the "I" side of the scale doesn't absolve you from being a social human being. Sorry to break the news to you, pal.


I don't think you fully understand the cultural difference between Introverts and Extroverts. It is basically like comparing the moon to the sun. They are both celestial bodies, but both are completely different. Introverts are actually biologically different as well. Introverts have increased bloodflow to the prefrontal cortex, such as planning and problem solving. Extroverts have increased bloodflow to parts of the brain like the anterior cingulate gyrus and temporal lobes, such as sensory and emotional experience. This actually has a profound effect on how both live their lives, as Introverts are sensitive to Dopamine, while Extroverts need adrenaline to create it. You can't help but notice that Extroverts have a distinct advantage in being social and outgoing. 
Not many people like a bookworm, or someone who processes inward. But people do like outgoing people who aren't afraid to do interesting things.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

SlowPoke68 said:


> It's actually a good step. Develop yourself and your interests and the women will show up based on who you really are, not due to any effort to market yourself or feign interest in them. It usually doesn't take long.


19 years and nothing has happened. A whole quarter of my life has been wästed with zero succeß. Yoü got ä better plan?


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Coziene said:


> I don't think you fully understand the cultural difference between Introverts and Extroverts..


I don't think you understand that the magic happens outside of your comfort zone, just as it does for me and everyone else. You're going to have to extend yourself a bit and not hide behind your conception of yourself as an "introvert". You, as have many others on here, have taken this MBTI thing as a diagnosis and destiny when it's really just an inventory, a list of strengths and weaknesses. Build on the strengths, address the weaknesses and get happier. What do you think I meant by "develop yourself"? 



Mutatio NOmenis said:


> 19 years and nothing has happened. A whole quarter of my life has been wästed with zero succeß. Yoü got ä better plan?


Yeah, I remember when I was 19. 

Let's see: In these "wasted" 19 years you have A) been born B) learned to walk C) learned to talk D) learned to use the potty E) learned your alphabet F) learned to use a fork G) completed some primary schooling H) . . . ahh shit, I'm going to run out of letters. 

My point is it hasn't even started yet. You are still young. When "it" does start you're going to wish you had spent more time developing yourself and less time pining for a woman to save you in some way. Because as soon as you have a relationship, the time and freedom you have for yourself is curtailed. And it kinda sucks if you aren't done developing.


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

Yardiff Bey said:


> So, how many guys have said "fuck it", dropped out of it, and gone on to do whatever interests them? I'm simply curious to know.


:raises hand:

I'm off the dating scene for many diff reasons, some regarding the silly rituals and other reasons relating to myself. I really, really don't see myself right now (as of lately) holding hands with NOBODY, can't even stand those games of "you are mine", I don't say it and I can't tolerate it. I get along fairly well with some women, we go out but I always remind them that I'm not up for a relationship.

I've been in love, had seriuos love relationships, etc, but it's been a while since nothing can compete with the stuff I do alone, even watching the ceiling or the corners of my room. I might sound negative at times regarding relationships but actually I can say it peacefully with no anger or antything like that: I don't feel that I want or need to be someone anytime soon. Maybe things will change, maybe it won't but so far I'm really happy. Since I want to be like this I somehow appear in the radar of some women... interesting, ironic, don't really know how or why, and just don't care by now.

I wanted to get married years before, didn't work, so far I'm not looking for anything long term. Not even actually looking for sex.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

SlowPoke68 said:


> Yeah, I remember when I was 19.
> 
> Let's see: In these "wasted" 19 years you have A) been born B) learned to walk C) learned to talk D) learned to use the potty E) learned your alphabet F) learned to use a fork G) completed some primary schooling H) . . . ahh shit, I'm going to run out of letters.
> 
> My point is it hasn't even started yet. You are still young. When "it" does start you're going to wish you had spent more time developing yourself and less time pining for a woman to save you in some way. Because as soon as you have a relationship, the time and freedom you have for yourself is curtailed. And it kinda sucks if you aren't done developing.


So a nice ton of unfortunate implications is what I hear. So I'm pining for a woman to save me now? Nope! Anyway, describe what it means to be done developing? Aren't relationships and sexuality important to some degree in terms of human interpersonal and psychological development?


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> So a nice ton of unfortunate implications is what I hear. So I'm pining for a woman to save me now? Nope! Anyway, describe what it means to be done developing? Aren't relationships and sexuality important to some degree in terms of human interpersonal and psychological development?


Good question. Though we are never done developing, there are critical things we need to do as we make our way towards greater development. I know at my age that I am probably not going to drop my obligations to run off to Korea to teach English on a whim. I can remember at times in the past that I would have considered doing something like that were it not for what I thought was a real relationship with someone at the time. I had painted myself into a corner by thinking I had to take another person into account. Those relationships are over, now. For the most part I remember how foolish I felt in them.

And while it's agreed that experiencing relationships is an important part of development, it's hard to start one directly. I'm telling you guys that "Imma gonna get me a gurlfriend" is the wrong way to go about it, especially if all you do is browse the web and read books while wallowing in your own introversion. But for anyone, when you take the direct approach to romance the pressure is overwhelming because you are either marketing yourself or responding to someone else's marketing, and any interaction with that person is either a come-on or a put-down, and rejection can be devastating. Instead, involve yourself with something you find fascinating that you can put your whole self into. Women will see how you relate to this third thing, and interest and trust will grow.

If you and others can't seem to do anything away from a computer or a television screen or if the prospect of relating to people in a real-world venue like a bowling alley or photography or sculpture class is overwhelming beyond your comprehension, then I can't help you.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

SlowPoke68 said:


> Good question. Though we are never done developing, there are critical things we need to do as we make our way towards greater development. I know at my age that I am probably not going to drop my obligations to run off to Korea to teach English on a whim. I can remember at times in the past that I would have considered doing something like that were it not for what I thought was a real relationship with someone at the time. I had painted myself into a corner by thinking I had to take another person into account. Those relationships are over, now. For the most part I remember how foolish I felt in them.


That should be in your sig.



SlowPoke68 said:


> And while it's agreed that experiencing relationships is an important part of development, it's hard to start one directly. I'm telling you guys that "Imma gonna get me a gurlfriend" is the wrong way to go about it, especially if all you do is browse the web and read books while wallowing in your own introversion. But for anyone, when you take the direct approach to romance the pressure is overwhelming because you are either marketing yourself or responding to someone else's marketing, and any interaction with that person is either a come-on or a put-down, and rejection can be devastating. Instead, involve yourself with something you find fascinating that you can put your whole self into. Women will see how you relate to this third thing, and interest and trust will grow.


Sorry, this just sounds like canned advice out of a Yahoo Answers thread. Just laying it out there.



SlowPoke68 said:


> If you and others can't seem to do anything away from a computer or a television screen or if the prospect of relating to people in a real-world venue like a bowling alley or photography or sculpture class is overwhelming beyond your comprehension, then I can't help you.


That sort of describes me about 5 years ago. I've gotten a lot better since then.


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> Sorry, this just sounds like canned advice out of a Yahoo Answers thread. Just laying it out there.


It's canned advice that happens to be true and is ignored by about 98% of horny, lonely people everywhere of both genders.

Be well!


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## EmileeArsenic (Jun 8, 2012)

I'm to the point where I'm about to go for celibacy. 

I'd like to be normal and have a guy in my life, do normal normal people things, but it just doesn't seem to happen for me, and it's not for a lack of trying. I do try, but I don't know how to flirt, and have no clue how to tell if a guy's interested. The whole thing is forced and awkward to me, and I'm just... tired. And depressed... and giving up. 

Don't know what's wrong with me, no one seems to take interest. I've someone I'm interested in, but I'm nowhere close to his type, and could never be, so there's really no point in even entertaining that as a possibility (I'm sorry to say, as I REALLY like this guy). I've never talked about it with him, in regards to me, but there's no shortage of women interested in him... I can't compete. And even if I COULD compete, I don't compete. I'm having to force myself to move on, emotionally, which is NOT easy, by any stretch of the imagination. He's pretty well everything I've ever wanted in a guy, but of course he's out of my reach, and I highly doubt he reciprocates (why would he? He's tons of potentials to choose from who fit his taste better than I do)

What's the point? Two, almost 3 years since I've felt even remotely desirable... I can't even remember what it feels like anymore. May as well just accept it, I'm going to be alone, and there's nothing I can do about it. Might as well get a cat and accept my fate.


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## 29885 (Nov 29, 2011)

Now now miss @EmileeArsenic, feeding yourself with lies still doesn't make them true, never.

First of all, just because you don't have a guy besides you doesn't mean you can't do stuff. Don't throw yourself into self-pity when you can walk past it. Make yourself conscious about being self-pitying and learn to eliminate such thoughts. So you like this guy, tell him so. Then you'll know for sure and moving on will be easier. Besides, and I know it's tough, he's only one guy and the truth is, there are others like him that will be what you want and need. Just because he doesn't make you feel desireable doesn't make you indesireable for everybody else. Everyone has someone who finds them attractive.

What's the point? Whatever you make it. Find your internal motivations for why you get up in the morning, or whenever you rise. I realised once, how utterly silly it is to allow someone else to dictate how I feel about myself and my life. It's your life for Jebus' sake, do you want to be a person who wallows or someone who fights and gets up? Easy pick I say.


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