# Online Dating Sucks for Guys :/



## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

The online, as well as real world sucks for everyone that possess an IQ of at least 100.

Such is life.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Erbse said:


> The online, as well as real world sucks for everyone that possess an IQ of at least 100.
> 
> Such is life.


According to your criteria, both my boyfriend and I are morons.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

koalaroo said:


> According to your criteria, both my boyfriend and I are morons.


Well, the trick for other lies within learning what's important to focus on and what to discard.

Won't be happy 'till that simple lesson is learned and embraced.


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## Ramysa (Mar 22, 2012)

donkeybals said:


> I don't have any experience in the online dating platform, however, creating a profile just for a random ego boost, I was thinking would make sense. But don't they get this kind of attention anyway, despite where they are? Also, I was thinking it was possible, that okcupid could hire people, to take their pictures, and use their profiles just so it looks like there are more "hot chicks" on the site, than there really are.


 That could be true... It's a business after all and they need to survive . There's plenty of competition!


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## Ramysa (Mar 22, 2012)

nreynolds1990 said:


> Another thing I observed is I think I had more women that looked at my profile than women I sent messages to but I never got a message from them either. Some women even looked more than once, which indicates to me interest. If you are interested in someone why is it so hard to send them a message?


 Have u tried contacting those?? Maybe they are shy. Maybe they are one of those women to expect men to do the first move. They visit - u start to talk. It's just an idea, u might as well try.


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## WindowLicker (Aug 3, 2010)

What do you usually say when you message a girl? Also what does your profile say? 
I think for dating sites if you put pictures of yourself doing things a girl can imagine herself doing with you, you might have a better shot at attracting a girl, or helping them get to know you in a visual way. Your picture for instance wouldn't be good because you're kinda just standing there, with another GIRL. Examples, playing your favorite video game (cough halo reach cough), making food, cleaning, working, hanging out with friends. All good.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

The OP confirms my suspicions. OKCupid is used more for social networking and quizzes than actual dating.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

Redwood said:


> IMO, women on dating sites fall into one of two categories 95% of the time:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 I would disagree with this assessment, there are plenty of cute nerdy girls trying to date online


To the OP I suggest upgrading to a dating website that is more serious than OkCupid, may be paid and not free. Many people on free dating websites like OkCupid are not serious about finding anyone to date. They are just there to pass time. They make a profile out of boredom and wait for responses to roll in in hopes of something funny or interesting or an opportunity like that girl who contacted you about music. All this extra traffic makes it difficult to connect with someone else who is serious about finding a romantic connection.

So it's not that online dating sucks, but that the place where you chose to do your online dating sucks.



Mutatio NOmenis said:


> The OP confirms my suspicions. OKCupid is used more for social networking and quizzes than actual dating.


 Exactly.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

Erm, online dating, in my experience is both exhausting and about as mixed a bag as they come. I've met and had a great time with people from online dating sites, and also been on the worst dates of my life too. The thing is, online dating is exhausting for men. Be realistic:

• There will always a heavy male : female ratio, skewed toward the male side.
• Do not expect responses, if you have any female friends you're close enough to, ask to look at her profile inbox one day. Some of the messages women receive on those sites made my skin crawl. Others are just harmlessly distasteful. 
• Do not expect encouragement. Due to the nasty messages they receive en masse, women will often lose your message in a sea of garbage. Accept it. They'll almost never reply to say "not interested" because responses to that also tend to be unpleasant in extremis. So after constant lewd proposition, I'm not surprised women are extremely selective about responding.

That said, it is possible to meet people on those sites, and not all the wackos are male.

• Read her profile. This sounds like common sense, but you'd be amazed how many people lack in it.
• Be witty. You can tease, you can wind up, you can ask politely. But I prefer the slightly absurd. The last date I had online I messaged after reading her profile, with: "Hi, I'm recruiting for a new world Empress; having assessed your travelling record and favourite book, I extend to you the opportunity of applying for the job " followed by a few words about me etc. she found it funny and that's all that matters.
• Sell yourself. Work to your strengths, show you're well rounded. 

I won't lie, I've found dating IRL to be easier than online. But it's not like you'll get nowhere just because you have a penis.


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

Kyandigaru said:


> Sorry buddy, you missed another category and that is,
> [*] The girls who guys may not even consider dating because the guy can be a bit too shallow...
> 
> Once people can understand body, looks (race) should mean NOTHING in finding a meaningful relationship, they will find that one someone who will make their life much easier. I know we all have "our types", however if you're willing to be flexible then the dating pool seems to get bigger..


This is a misconception. Maybe some guys only look at photos and message based on looks. I message almost exclusive science nerds and bookworms with really interesting profiles, similar interests and 86%+ match based on 100+ questions. I actually take the time to read through their questions and see where we match up, then craft a thought-out e-mail based on what I could connect to on her profile. I also only message people who have been online recently (to avoid getting let down by someone with an inactive profile). Photos are factor for me too but I find I don't really have a "type" and really only look for 2 things in them - looking somewhat fit and positive - as those both reflect a lot on her mental health and attitude. 

I can see that they all looked at my profile but then decided not to reply. It's hard to say why, but many of them might be writing me off because of my photos and skin color. My point is, both genders can be shallow.


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

rebelangel said:


> As a female OKCupid user, you should know that it's no picnic for well intending women either. If I post particularly attractive pictures of myself I get an average of 20 messages per day. All of the ones I replied to offered dates to meet me even though my profile specified that I didn't want to meet. Maybe 65 percent are guys saying "whuts up?" or something similar. 60 percent of the guys aren't very intelligent and clearly want sex. They acted like my presence on the site meant that I was desperate for them. There were a couple, maybe 6 percent, that were creative and genuine. The ones I liked were not the ones that messaged me, but the ones I went out and found myself. So I took my pictures off. Now I get maybe one message per day, generally from the people that I contacted first. Last year I made a lot of friends on there and even met two of them. One I just adore, but he wasn't looking for a relationship either. The other one I totally fell for. And he did the exact same thing as you, nreynolds1990.


Why would you make a profile on an online dating site if you specifically didn't want to meet anyone in person? What DID you want? What objective did you have for posting photos and a profile? A penpal?

I think you just validated @avalanche183's point. You had no interest in the guys that messaged you, EVEN the 6% that were creative and genuine. Why not even those interesting and genuine ones? The only guys you were interested in were the guys who didn't message you but you had to go out and find. Perhaps the act of messaging a girl makes a guy come across as too desperate or too easy, regardless of what he actually says. You figure you have a 100% shot with him and lose interest quickly, seeking out on your own the profiles of other guys that you may not have a shot with.

I had a relationship a while back with a girl I had met online. She was really head over heels for me and couldn't wait to meet/see each other more/etc. One of the first things she said to me was "the girls in your photos are so hot! I didn't think I had a chance." I wonder if she wanted to meet up only because she thought I was out of her league? I wonder if that's how it works a lot of the time?


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

Ramysa said:


> Have u tried contacting those?? Maybe they are shy. Maybe they are one of those women to expect men to do the first move. They visit - u start to talk. It's just an idea, u might as well try.


 *@nreynolds1990 * This.
Her repeatedly looking at your profile is probably the equivalent of sending you looks from across the bar. She's communicating interest and availability. Now you have to go chat her up.


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## Miss Scarlet (Jul 26, 2010)

How do you know that women don't have the same problem? 

A sample size of one..... doesn't mean much.


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

Miss Scarlet said:


> How do you know that women don't have the same problem?
> 
> A sample size of one..... doesn't mean much.


How does who know about what problem? What samplea are you referring to? There are a lot of side conversations going on here LOL. Specifics FTW


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## Miss Scarlet (Jul 26, 2010)

JohnGalt said:


> How does who know about what problem? What samplea are you referring to? There are a lot of side conversations going on here LOL. Specifics FTW


I'm talking about the OP.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

Erbse said:


> The online, as well as real world sucks for everyone that possess an IQ of at least 100.
> 
> Such is life.


Try this:

Find smart singles at BrainiacDating.com.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Snakecharmer said:


> Try this:
> 
> Find smart singles at BrainiacDating.com.


No thank you. I'll stick to my own definition as far as smarts are concerned.

EDIT: The site cracked me up, hard.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

I was on OK Cupid for a few months and liked it far better than Match.com. I'm drawn to men who are down-to-earth, witty, and intelligent. There has to be substance there...and good grammar, fergoshsakes! I didn't want to talk to men who had loads of pictures of them drinking or with other women. One of my favorite fellas there had lots of pictures of him doing things like kayaking, biking, cooking, hanging out with family, etc. He had a picture of him stacking up a tower of chocolate chip cookies that I thought was really endearing. But, I like quirky guys, and I have a thing for redheads who wear glasses (this guy has awesome red hair - think Shaun White). He was exactly what I was looking for. 

We went out a few times. He's a little younger and has never been married and doesn't have children yet. I'm past that stage...I have no desire to marry again and cannot have more children. He wants to do those things eventually. I ended things because I knew it would happen eventually anyway because I wasn't right for him.  

I did have a few creepy stalkers on that site. You can block people from sending you messages, but you can't block them from viewing your profile. That gave me the creeps. I also had a swinger contact me. At first it struck me as odd, but he turned out to be very nice - he never asked me out, and we mainly talked about relationships and working out. We are friends on FB now and I think he's a nice guy.

I think you really have to be patient with online dating. I also agree with an earlier poster who said that the amount of info some people include in their profiles makes it easier to spot deal breakers than it is IRL.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I have had excellent luck with OkCupid. I think answering as many match questions as possible, then actively searching for people who are at least 90% matches, who have well-written profiles, can help your chances. Read everything they write, go through all of their answers, and when you are finished, write a carefully thought-out personal message that shows reasons you think you would get along. 

That's what I do, and even as a fat person who admits to being crazy and irritable, who mentions being an agender demisexual, I am able to get responses from interested matches almost every time. It's all about picking the ones who seem most compatible.


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## Snakecharmer (Oct 26, 2010)

Erbse said:


> No thank you. I'll stick to my own definition as far as smarts are concerned.
> 
> EDIT: The site cracked me up, hard.
> 
> View attachment 35397


Yes, it is a low-budget site, but I met a physicist and some other interesting people there awhile back. Believe me, the site has improved since I was a member a year or so ago! :laughing:


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Snakecharmer said:


> Yes, it is a low-budget site, but I met a physicist and some other interesting people there awhile back. Believe me, the site has improved since I was a member a year or so ago! :laughing:












Troll site!

On a more serious note, I'm not interested in dating, may it be offline or online. Plus I'm from Europe, chances are the site's pools aren't meant for me in the first place, even if I did care.


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

snail said:


> I have had excellent luck with OkCupid. I think answering as many match questions as possible, then actively searching for people who are at least 90% matches, who have well-written profiles, can help your chances. Read everything they write, go through all of their answers, and when you are finished, write a carefully thought-out personal message that shows reasons you think you would get along.
> 
> That's what I do, and even as a fat person who admits to being crazy and irritable, who mentions being an agender demisexual, I am able to get responses from interested matches almost every time. It's all about picking the ones who seem most compatible.


I do exactly this and cannot get replies from any of my 90%+ matches. Must I have said something wrong?


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Kyandigaru said:


> Real love isn't just about the woman being able to get your dick hard first.., if you believe so, this is the problem.


Look, Im a demisexual and even Im calling bullshit on this one. Sorry but women need to accept that to men, looks matter. Hell looks matter to a lot of women, so *people *need to accept that. People need to stop with the "love me for who I am on the inside b.s." because the outside reflects a person to a very VERY huge degree. A person doesn't eat themself to 300 pounds because they are happy with themself and have bullet proof self esteem. No, it shows that there is a problem there. It shows that you lack self control, and that you have poor heath which means that you wouldn't be suitable to be reproduce with. This also goes for body odor, hair, teeth, and the like. People are attracted to those who have specific markers for good genes which is how they are deemed "attractive". 

No one is expecting you to look like a damn model. We all know thats impossible, but you could at least look your damn best. If you're a 5 (I hate assigning people numbers btw), which is "average" then you better look like the best damn 5 you can be. No one is gonna expect you to be a beauty queen, but it doesn't mean you should go around looking like crap.

Stop trying to shame men. It gets really old. Women have no problem passing over men who they deem too short, who dont make enough money for them, might not have a glamorous career or title, isn't as charismatic as that guy over there, or isn't as chivalrous as her cousins, sisters, co-workers, aunt's husband. Women have no problem picking men off for the dumbest shit ("You can do better _grrrrrllll_"), but when a man says he wants a woman to be reasonably attractive and eat right and take care of her body its a damn crime? Puh leeze.:dry:


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

MyName said:


> Stop trying to impose demisexuality as a moral imperative. People have been doing that a lot on here lately and I've grown tired of it.


Its called going to bat for "Team Woman". Whenever women come under fire some women feel the need to defend the entire gender rather than just looking at the argument or claim objectively and make a decision from that. I can't stand it. I don't speak for women, and I don't like/need other women attempting to speak for me. I can do it myself thanks.


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## rebelangel (Apr 20, 2012)

JohnGalt said:


> Why would you make a profile on an online dating site if you specifically didn't want to meet anyone in person? What DID you want? What objective did you have for posting photos and a profile? A penpal?
> 
> I think you just validated avalanche183's point. You had no interest in the guys that messaged you, EVEN the 6% that were creative and genuine. Why not even those interesting and genuine ones? The only guys you were interested in were the guys who didn't message you but you had to go out and find. Perhaps the act of messaging a girl makes a guy come across as too desperate or too easy, regardless of what he actually says. You figure you have a 100% shot with him and lose interest quickly, seeking out on your own the profiles of other guys that you may not have a shot with.
> 
> I had a relationship a while back with a girl I had met online. She was really head over heels for me and couldn't wait to meet/see each other more/etc. One of the first things she said to me was "the girls in your photos are so hot! I didn't think I had a chance." I wonder if she wanted to meet up only because she thought I was out of her league? I wonder if that's how it works a lot of the time?


You're pretty cynical, JohnGalt. You think differently so you don't have what they call good matches. I'll explain myself more. 

The first time I went on there I definitely wanted to meet people. I've been with a guy that messaged me then ever since. I made some incredible friends too. 

Then I got on again looking for a third. He found a great girl. I only got trashy guys. 

Now I'm on just hoping to meet more friends. But I don't want to meet guys in person now that I have one. They tend to be much more natural for me to talk to than girls, but I'm not excluding either gender. I'm only saying that recently, because of pictures, guys that messaged me, even the creative ones, begged me to meet them when I publicly showed that I didn't want to. But their messages are always flattering. I don't think less of them for messaging me. I think less of them for ignoring my wishes. It's selfish. That's why the ones I message tend to go better. Maybe other guys think that they don't have a chance, or that because I look nice I'm stupid. All I know is I've found more success for what I want at the moment by looking for people with similar goals. 

That girl was intimidated. Seeming out of her league may have been a turn on, but that is foremost a sincere compliment. You worried too much. I hope you gave her a shot.


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

> Now I'm on just hoping to meet more friends. But I don't want to meet guys in person now that I have one. They tend to be much more natural for me to talk to than girls, but I'm not excluding either gender. I'm only saying that recently, because of pictures, guys that messaged me, even the creative ones, begged me to meet them when I publicly showed that I didn't want to. But their messages are always flattering. I don't think less of them for messaging me. I think less of them for ignoring my wishes. It's selfish. That's why the ones I message tend to go better. Maybe other guys think that they don't have a chance, or that because I look nice I'm stupid. All I know is I've found more success for what I want at the moment by looking for people with similar goals.


That's reasonable. The way your wrote about it, it sounded like you never intended to meet guys when you made the account, which reflected rather poorly on you. If you did at first, and then met someone and are still together, that makes perfect sense. 

But then why do you still use it? It sounds like the answer is "to meet guy friends". Which is fine and all. I love my opposite gender friends, and I totally understand that preference. But why are you looking for friends on a dating site with the word "Cupid" in it? Doesn't that seem a little out of place? Why not use a chat room or some social networking site to meet new friends? Even with a disclaimer on your profile, aren't you sending out a mixed message if you are looking for something other than dating on a dating website? LOL


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

Kyandigaru said:


> Sorry buddy, you missed another category and that is,
> [*] The girls who guys may not even consider dating because the guy can be a bit too shallow...
> Once people can understand body, *looks (race) *should mean NOTHING in finding a meaningful relationship, they will find that one someone who will make their life much easier. I know we all have "our types", however if you're willing to be flexible then the dating pool seems to get bigger..


these two items should not be lumped into the same category. physical attractiveness is important in a relationship, especially in the beginning stages


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## Mountainshepherd (Feb 23, 2012)

Kyandigaru said:


> Sorry buddy, you missed another category and that is,
> [*] The girls who guys may not even consider dating because the guy can be a bit too shallow...
> 
> Once people can understand body, looks (race) should mean NOTHING in finding a meaningful relationship, they will find that one someone who will make their life much easier. I know we all have "our types", however if you're willing to be flexible then the dating pool seems to get bigger..


I see your point, and I agree people on both ends are too shallow at times. They turn up their nose at good people.

But......

I wouldn't romantically date someone I was not sexually attracted to. I don't see the point in doing that. For me sex is about passion, it is about adoring the body of my lover, I need to adore that body to do so. I don't need sex for the sake of sex itself. I don't find large women attractive, to be fair I don't find large attractive on men either but I am straight so its probably not relevant. 
I made lifestyle changes and lost weight years ago, as a result I find being overweight emotionally unpleasant, its a turn off sexually for me. Do I judge my overweight friends? no I was for years, but I'm not turned on by them.

Is it other peoples responsibility to find you attractive allowing that you can live as you like? I'd say no. Your right to live as you desire means they have that same right.

You're right you can't bitch about never being able to find love if you pass on loving people who don't suit your idea of beauty, but I feel a person is within their right to make that choice.

Potentially opening a can of worms:

Any out of shape men or women on here, would you be willing to date someone if their request in dating you was getting in better shape? Would you be receptive if it came up naturally in the relationship? (not someone being a coach and yelling, "100 push ups or I'm out of this relationship!!!")


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## wisdom (Dec 31, 2008)

snail said:


> I have had excellent luck with OkCupid. I think answering as many match questions as possible, then actively searching for people who are at least 90% matches, who have well-written profiles, can help your chances. Read everything they write, go through all of their answers, and when you are finished, write a carefully thought-out personal message that shows reasons you think you would get along.
> 
> That's what I do, and even as a fat person who admits to being crazy and irritable, who mentions being an agender demisexual, I am able to get responses from interested matches almost every time. It's all about picking the ones who seem most compatible.


In my case, by way of my search criteria, that means there's almost no one =/ I don't know how to search for 90% matches (unless you mean manually clicking on just those), but it's flawed regardless: most people do not answer enough questions, and the matching system isn't highly reliable anyway. The method works for you (or so you think) and it's not terrible, but....


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## Mausi (Apr 25, 2012)

Mountainshepherd said:


> Any out of shape men or women on here, would you be willing to date someone if their request in dating you was getting in better shape? Would you be receptive if it came up naturally in the relationship? (not someone being a coach and yelling, "100 push ups or I'm out of this relationship!!!")


I wouldn't say I'm completely out of shape, but I'm probably considered a little overweight... (I say that and mean it. In Europe, I'm considered sort of chubby and fat, in the United States, sometimes people will say I'm small or tiny... I'm not at all. I'd have to lose maybe about 20 pounds to get to my ideal weight -- which trust me, isn't super skinny -- but I think that I fall into that "could lose 10-15 lbs" club.) 

ANYWAY -- I would say -- no. I would not be receptive to someone dating me with the prerequisite being that I needed to get in better shape. Now, it's something I want to do on my own and I would love to be with someone more active than me who would be into inviting me to try something new. I also don't go to the gym but I would be open to doing it as a bonding activity (just don't expect me to do it all the time or super intensely). I'm all about getting healthier, but I also want someone to accept me as I am...


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## Jenni Snider (Apr 15, 2012)

nreynolds1990 said:


> Ok so I've been running around OKCupid for a few months mostly out of pure curiosity and seeing if I could meet someone interesting, and during my time there I have learned that online dating really really sucks for guys and as a result deleted my profile. I would say that I'm a pretty nice person (I want to avoid saying I'm a "nice guy" because lets face it a lot of nice guys, aren't nice men, but thats a different topic) but I am a nice person, and I tried to reflect that in how I dealt with the people I contacted on the site.
> 
> In my time there I spent I sent plenty of emails to different women who caught my interest. I did read the person's entire profile and only sent them an email if something about them sparked an interest in me. I didn't just look at pictures and send emails to the hottest people, I wanted to make sure we would get along. When sending a message to someone I was always sure to reference something in that person's profile and ask them to talk about it. I was always polite, and never dirty or sexual in any of my comments (as I am well aware many guys are). But to no avail I never once received a reply.
> 
> ...



I also have a profile on okCupid, but in my experiences the guy will contact me with this original line "Hi, you're hot, do you want to get together?"

I'm sure that there are a lot of women who go on these dating websites to get some sort of validation of their attractivenesss and sexual self-worth, but I think that there are also a lot of men who go on those websites who are just looking for a good time.


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## Jenni Snider (Apr 15, 2012)

> Stop trying to shame men. It gets really old. Women have no problem passing over men who they deem too short, who dont make enough money for them, might not have a glamorous career or title, isn't as charismatic as that guy over there, or isn't as chivalrous as her cousins, sisters, co-workers, aunt's husband. Women have no problem picking men off for the dumbest shit ("You can do better _grrrrrllll_"), but when a man says he wants a woman to be reasonably attractive and eat right and take care of her body its a damn crime? Puh leeze.:dry:


 
Yes, but to be fair I've seen a lot of guys who were "5s" or below who wouldn't date a woman who wasn't at least an "8." So it's all about being realistic and understanding what it is you bring to the table, rather than saying "Well they should accept me for who I am" when you won't even accept the other person


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## marked174 (Feb 24, 2010)

Mountainshepherd said:


> Potentially opening a can of worms:
> 
> Any out of shape men or women on here, would you be willing to date someone if their request in dating you was getting in better shape? Would you be receptive if it came up naturally in the relationship? (not someone being a coach and yelling, "100 push ups or I'm out of this relationship!!!")


 Absolutely. I should be in a healthy shape, regardless so I wouldn't have a problem with it. She would have to be supportive, and not cruel about it, though. That being said, I think that it's a non-issue. I've never met a woman who's ever cared enough about it. Many of them have a "he's not good enough for me" attitude from the get-go, and there's almost always another guy willing to throw themselves at her so she usually just moves on.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Jenni Snider said:


> Yes, but to be fair I've seen a lot of guys who were "5s" or below who wouldn't date a woman who wasn't at least an "8." So it's all about being realistic and understanding what it is you bring to the table, rather than saying "Well they should accept me for who I am" when you won't even accept the other person



Where wasn't I fair? I don't remember saying that men didnt do the same thing. I was simply responding to the poster that kept trying to play the "men are shallow pigs" game.


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## Jenni Snider (Apr 15, 2012)

^Sorry, I didn't mean to say that you weren't being fair


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## Stelmaria (Sep 30, 2011)

Snakecharmer said:


> .and good grammar, fergoshsakes!


Can someone explain to me the whole OKCupid-grammar meme, because I don't understand why so many profiles mention it as being important. There must be some sort of joke I am missing.


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## JohnGalt (Nov 5, 2011)

Snow Leopard said:


> Can someone explain to me the whole OKCupid-grammar meme, because I don't understand why so many profiles mention it as being important. There must be some sort of joke I am missing.


It's not POF, which is 99% about your pics. Because of the nature of OKCupid and all the questions you answer, I think people actually read profiles, put more effort into writing their profiles (you are told to write "essays"), and expect a deeper level of connection than "wattup mami". I also think the site attracts a generally more literate crowd. 

It's not a huge deal if you split an infinitive or end a sentence with a preposition, but it's a real turnoff for me to see someone writing in broken English. I imagine it's the same for others who push the meme. Maybe it's just screening for a basic level of intelligence/literacy? I also put "mandatory" to all the questions with only one right answer (grammar, math, science, etc.) for the same reason.


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## Pete The Lich (May 16, 2011)

here is this old topic i found

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/84508-question-men-who-use-online-dating-sites.html


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## Zeev801 (May 11, 2012)

You need a lot of patience on dating sites and you have to kiss a lot of frogettes before you meet "the one".
I definitely agree that many on OKC are more interested in the attention than in actual dating, let alone an authentic relationship.
I stuck it out for a long time and, in the end, found my soulmate.


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## RayStormX (Oct 19, 2011)

I'm on OKCupid too but recently took off my account. I messaged quite a few girls but only a few ever replied. I stayed true to myself and typed out my profile to match my quirks and traits irl. The farthest I ever got was text messaging this one girl who lived around my area. I also chatted with another girl about psychology and the mbti. and another one actually went to my university. she was cool but after exchanging facebook info I wasn't attracted to her looks at all. 

Then I got back together with my ex and forgot all about OKCupid. I would agree that the odds are stacked against guys. Only one girl messaged me first.

I come off as a geeky dork "nice guy" kind of dude so maybe that's why. 

I have had way more success in real life than online (this is coming from AN INTP) so maybe I just have some stuff I can't convey online.


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## phantom_cat (Jan 1, 2011)

that's how you know online dating sucks... you get back with your ex instead. :laughing:


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## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

Online dating can work, but usually not on dating sites.

The direct approach ensures that you'll be trying to impress people who are desperately seeking one thing that they can't seem to get in real life. For men it's usually sex, for women usually marriage (or its equivalent). The pressure is overwhelming and mistakes abound.

If you want to meet people then do stuff that involves other people. Instead of wasting time on dating sites spend it on hobby or political or restaurant review sites instead. Show your interest in something other than what another person can give you. That takes the pressure off and everyone gets a chance to see what you are about without feeling that any interaction with you is a come-on or a put-down.

Better yet, go to the gym and take up golf or something and let the Internet fade into the background of your life.


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## Kabosu (Mar 31, 2012)

One thing that I don't like about online dating sites is that it seems like meeting on a forum of shared interests or whatnot would be really fun. I am very honest on my Okcupid profile and I know there are lots of things the opposite sex doesn't like, and what sucks is they're the ones I'm personally attracted to. Sometimes, they'll look at my profile but won't ever respond back to me. I've had the account going actively for over a year, and the number of people I've met through the service: 0. This will be the same for many other factors. Maybe I need to seek out other pretty good sites as well.

I feel like analyzing match % by questions is a bit trivial, as well. I can't stand when people smoke, but I wouldn't refuse to date a person just because they smoked. I ID as my actual sexuality on my page, and yet it still recommends me women who object to that and those who weren't wise enough to change their "looking for" section to make it more accurate and less misleading.

OKCupid is an even bigger pain in the ass in college, where the homework can be finished much more easily than even trying to browse profiles and attempt messaging people.

It's not my luck irl is a whole lot better. It takes time for me to open up to females.


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

How to have better success in online dating?

Be white.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Peripheral said:


> How to have better success in online dating?
> 
> Be white.



Ive heard this as well.


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## Feelings (Dec 4, 2011)

Lol I fail sooooooo hard on okcupid. Granted, I'm uh... very much... myself... which is only charming in a certain zany way...

Wanna know some reeetarded shit? I did the research. I created a fake profile with photos of a handsome dude (not me ). It literally didn't matter what I wrote in my profile, as my occupation, in the messages... extremely high reply rate.

I made a fake of a hot female, and an average looking female too. That was cool. Maybe I found it cool because creepy shit just makes me laugh.

And about the whole good looks thing.. I'm pretty sure it matters. Imagine if you met the person of your dreams, except they had the body of a 5 foot tall spider. Yeah.. repulsed, right? I'm as unsuperficial as they come, and even I'm quite desirous of very physically attractive women, although physical attractiveness to me is rarely a dealbreaker, and physically attractive women can trigger negative emotions (i.e. bore me, piss me off, annoy me, hurt my feelings) in me just as easily as average looking women.


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## Nucky (Jan 27, 2012)

Feelings said:


> Lol I fail sooooooo hard on okcupid. Granted, I'm uh... very much... myself... which is only charming in a certain zany way...
> 
> Wanna know some reeetarded shit? I did the research. I created a fake profile with photos of a handsome dude (not me ). It literally didn't matter what I wrote in my profile, as my occupation, in the messages... extremely high reply rate.
> 
> I made a fake of a hot female, and an average looking female too. That was cool. Maybe I found it cool because creepy shit just makes me laugh.


This says it all about dating sites. They're chock full of profiles like these. But I can see how fucking around like this is can be mildly entertaining. And it is the only thing that dating sites are good for.


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## pretty.Odd (Oct 7, 2010)

Peripheral said:


> How to have better success in online dating?
> 
> Be white.


 That reminds me of the whole OkCupid statistics about how people, on average, respond less to black females and Asian males compared to other demographics.


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

pretty.Odd said:


> That reminds me of the whole OkCupid statistics about how people, on average, respond less to black females and Asian males compared to other demographics.


Yeah, I've read that article.


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

La Li Lu Le Lo said:


> That's nice and all, and I'm a romantic at heart, but the vast majority of people have to actually be physically attracted to someone to like them "more than a friend".


yes, men and women both


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

Peripheral said:


> Yeah, I've read that article.


So have I
<<<<<..........


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

pretty.Odd said:


> That reminds me of the whole OkCupid statistics about how people, on average, respond less to black females and Asian males compared to other demographics.


Meant to use this one
<<<<<


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

pretty.Odd said:


> That reminds me of the whole OkCupid statistics about how people, on average, respond less to black females and Asian males compared to other demographics.


Lol. I'll never do online dating then. Ever. I guess it really says something about how people really are, no?


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## Jwing24 (Aug 2, 2010)

Okay to actually contribute something:

I was on OKCupid for about 2 or so years. In this time I went on 3 dates. Not much. I probably sent 400-500+ messages over the 2 or so year time span. I never sent rude or nasty messages, I tried to sound creative and all that shit. A few would talk a bit, answer a few questions, then fall off the grid. Most did not respond.

edit: forgot to add - I can remember the messages I received - one was from a woman in her 40's - looked like spam, was asking to see her "website", another assumed i was into anime... i know nothing about it, found that offensive, and another was someone in the "not appealing" category if you will, according to the racial study, asking me how my chances were lol...

I do understand that women receive a lot of messages so I'm not knocking that. 

As to the racial study, I do think there is some validity to it. I don't think it's just chance, I think their sample size was decent. 

--
Interestingly, one of my friends (white guy) was on the site while I was. I would consider us about the same

- both in okay shape
- both about average in the looks dept
- went to same school - both have okay jobs
- similar beliefs 
- similar interests
- biggest difference? i am 5'8 and asian and he is 6'0 and white.

now now please don't say oh you are painting us a biased picture. i have known my friend since high school and he agreed we are about in the same boat.

so how did his results fare? i think he went on 30-40 dates, and actually dated 2-3 girls for a few months. he also rarely sent out messages, most women messaged him. 

I'm not about to complain, just sharing my experience. Life is what it is.

>> IF you have anything to add like oh you are ugly or you are too short or you are asian!....I'd love to hear it..lol


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## pretty.Odd (Oct 7, 2010)

Chipps said:


> Lol. I'll never do online dating then. Ever. I guess it really says something about how people really are, no?


Online dating is pretty depressing in general IMO. Unless you're an attractive white person, or an attractive Asian female or light skinned Latina, then online dating, hell dating IRL, is going to be tough.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

pretty.Odd said:


> Online dating is pretty depressing in general IMO. Unless you're an attractive white person, or an attractive Asian female or light skinned Latina, then online dating, hell dating IRL, is going to be tough.



Oh this is true. I think its something a lot of people just don't want to admit IRL. Im glad there are statistics to prove the behavior exists. Now people can't deny it happens.


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## BroNerd (Nov 27, 2010)

Kyandigaru said:


> Sorry buddy, you missed another category and that is,
> [*] The girls who guys may not even consider dating because the guy can be a bit too shallow...
> 
> Once people can understand body, looks (race) should mean NOTHING in finding a meaningful relationship, they will find that one someone who will make their life much easier. I know we all have "our types", however if you're willing to be flexible then the dating pool seems to get bigger..


That's true but it is often hard to figure out what makes such a person attractive until you actually meet that person IRL and talk to him/her..when you just read a profile and look at pics..it's often hard not to be somewhat shallow.


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