# Who's better at understanding people in general, Fe or Fi?



## ferroequinologist (Jul 27, 2012)

The Anchor said:


> For example:
> - An Fe dom will argue that X is not appropriate, ...
> - An Fi dom will look inside to decide what they think is appropriate...


I have come to intensely dislike that word "appropriate" over the years. It is almost always used as a cudgel to brow-beat people into compliance, rather than seeking to generate genuine understanding. "Oh, that behavior is inappropriate..." Really? How so? Just because someone says so? or doesn't like it? What If I, on the other hand, find it very "appropriate"? We don't talk about real and truly serious things as being "appropriate" and "inappropriate", just trivial things--like what to wear for something, or what not to talk about at other occasions.

In other words, "appropriate" is just tossed out as a last defense, without any real justification... "Uuuuuh.... It's just inappropriate! That's why!" 
(and here is where I actually respond to the post I'm quoting) Personally, I wonder if "appropriate" is even in the Fi vocabulary...


(and now I really get into my rant, and this has nothing to do with the post I quoted) I'll be honest, a lot of my dislike and distrust for this word began when I watched an acquaintance keep putting her daughter down by telling her her behavior was inappropriate all the time. The poor girl could hardly do anything without her mother telling her to stop, because what she was doing was "inappropriate." The truth is, most of what her daughter was doing was perfectly fine, except it made the mother feel embarrassed by her, so rather than taking her daughter's side of things, she would embarrass her or try to shut her down but calling her behavior out as "inappropriate." And it mattered not if we said that what she said or did was fine with us. All it did was cause the mother to dislike us. And that began my journey of observing that this word is far too often tossed out in these sorts of situations, where (a child usually) is making the grownups feel awkward, so the shut the child down by saying their behavior is "inappropriate." Blam! Now the child is shamed, the parents have made the child feel responsible for their awkward feelings, and the other people around are now made to feel awkward for being the cause of the poor child's shame, and the cycle just keeps going. Horrible and ugly. And it's almost as bad when adults do it to each other or children to each other. It's like it creates a pecking order, where those higher up shame those lower down for stepping out of line, and the weapon of choice is that word appropriate.

Sorry, but I really dislike that word. If you feel something is truly appropriate, don't use that word. Explain what you think is wrong about what happened, and gently ask for reasonableness and understanding if it is an awkward situation. Just don't play the "inappropriate" card. It's a losing proposition, and guaranteed to create misunderstandings, and drive a wedge where you didn't intend. (unless you _want_ to be a part of that pecking order)

And _that_ I think, is about as clear a difference between Fi and Fe as you'll find. Fe pays attention to appropriateness, and understands people at that level (behavior, interpersonal interactions, pecking order, etc.), whereas Fi doesn't give a rip about that, but cares about people at a deeper, more individual level--seeking to know the whys and hows behind the behavior--and seeks to understand people at this level. while Fe focuses more on the behavior itself. If it seems like a shallow portrayal of Fe, well, remember that people call Se shallow, too. Oh, and Te... and Ne... So, I guess we all have a "shallow" side to us (at least when perceived by introversion).


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