# Is worrying what other people think of you a Fe trait?



## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

For some reason I have gotten it into my head that it is....and although I feel I relate more strongly to Fi, I have an issue with worrying what others think of me. Rarely does it make me change how I act, but I'm very self-conscious and worry that I am not coming across well to others. That could just be because as a kid I was very ADD and didn't always know how to filter my behavior and sometimes found out what people thought of me the hard way and now I'm trying to over-compensate. I don't know. I do know that while I often act like one of those people who doesn't care about having the approval of others, it often couldn't be further from the truth. (Note: Not all people, just in general. If I strongly dislike someone then I truly don't care what they think of me.)


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## allisreal (Mar 23, 2010)

No, I don't think it's necessarily an Fe trait. I worry a lot about what people think of me, constantly thinking I am not coming across the right way. Fi can value a wide variety of things and I suppose if you value looking cool or having people think highly of you, you will tend to worry about it. To a certain extent, I could see how Fi could be worry more about not coming across well to others. Fe more so than Fi often does everything right to give off the impression they want to others, whereas Fi as I see it in myself may lead me to act a certain way but later realize that is not how you wanted to come off. This thereby irritates my Fi because I generally don't want people to think badly of me.

I am really glad you brought this up! I've been thinking about this alot. Many of Fi descriptions are about knowing what you value and what you want for yourself, but what if I value having people like me. The way I see it, the fact that I am relating it back to myself probably means it's Fi..Must this strictly be an Fe trait? I will say that I am probably a lot more passive about it than an Fe user. My conception of getting people to like me revolves more around "not messing up" when interacting with others, rather than very actively trying to connect with others. Or that could just be introversion...idk..It would be nice to hear some Fe-dom and some Fe-aux input on how they operate on this issue.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

I'm not Fe dom or even aux, it's tertiary. I don't find that Fe makes me overly concerned with how I appear, I've put myself out there and really said somethings that one wouldn't assume an Fe user would say. It often comes about when someone isn't cooperating and/or is being unreasonable. I am aware of what is expected of one's behavior but that does not mean I will follow through with it. I don't have an image I like to project of myself, that's not a big concern. That's not to say I'm completely ignorant of myself. I know how to stand out but I don't need the attention.

I use Fe in a way to bring people together in a positive manner, not just for my benefit, but for others. Any type can be self-conscious, that isn't just Fe-users.


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## heartturnedtoporcelain (Apr 9, 2010)

Nope, it was my social anxiety and just my natural tendency to worry that has made me care (too much) about what other people think about me. In my case, it has nothing to do with Fe - it's my Ne that tends to pick up on the judgement.


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## ukinfj (Apr 15, 2011)

Yeah this has nothing to do with Fe. I care about what people think and feel in general, but I'm a minute part of that. I prefer to feel clued up about the situation I'm in - I feel more comfortable if I know what dynamic is here, what kind of people are these, if I feel I have the situation in my mind - and I act accordingly. I do worry what people think of me, but worry far more about the possibility of upsetting them or being offensive. What they think of me is a less important facet, though it still matters. If I feel that somebody thinks badly of me, I ask myself if they are correct, if I don't think they are then I put it down to a problem they're having with themselves or often it is just that I have given the wrong impression through something I said or did. I do separate the two worlds - what I am and what people think of me - and I place more importance on the first one, though like you I also often worry, despite myself, about coming off the wrong way and I feel embarrassed easily.

If you worry a lot about what people think, the reason is very likely (I might even say definitely!) that you already feel there is something to be embarrassed about or something to hide. You feel there is a possibility someone will see something in you you don't want them to see or that you could be misconstrued in an embarrassing manner. The problem is not with what others think of you, but with what you think of you. At the end of the day, we all misidentify others or get the wrong impression from time to time, and there really isn't much you can do to control that, so it's a reality everybody needs to live with. The way most people live with it is by having a good outlook on themselves. Ask yourself, is what this person thinks of me accurate? If not, they may change their mind on your next meeting (most people will forget a lot of things when they see evidence to the contrary) or it may be that they are negotiating their own lack of self esteem by forming unpleasant views of others (to make themselves feel superior) though it is likely they are not doing this on purpose (but some are). Where do you fit into this? Is there anything you can do to control their view of you? No. This is *their* problem. 

My only advice to you really is to step back when you feel embarrassed or you're worrying about what somebody thinks of you and look at the situation. What is going on in the situation? Why do you feel the way you do? Is it because of what they think of you, or because of what YOU think of you? 

Change your perception of the world and the world changes with it.


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

I don't think so. Fe is one of my least used functions, and I do care what others think of me. 

But I am also an Enneagram 6, so one of my biggest fears is being rejected by others.


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

Aerorobyn said:


> I don't think so. Fe is one of my least used functions, and I do care what others think of me.
> 
> But I am also an Enneagram 6, so one of my biggest fears is being rejected by others.


Exactly the same with me.


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

ukinfj said:


> My only advice to you really is to step back when you feel embarrassed or you're worrying about what somebody thinks of you and look at the situation. What is going on in the situation? *Why do you feel the way you do? Is it because of what they think of you, or because of what YOU think of you? *
> 
> Change your perception of the world and the world changes with it.


This is true to a point but I started developing this concern after realizing I was coming across differently than I intended at times. As a kid, I wanted to be in the midst of friendship and people and would assume everyone liked me and while I did have many friends I also inadvertently would make enemies, or at the very least annoy people, all very unintentionally by saying or doing (though mostly saying) things that were, I suppose impolite. I have A.D.D. and possibly aspergers, so I assume this had something to do with the misunderstandings. So yes, my perception of myself isn't always the best but it's based on feedback I've received in the past. I believe I've come along way since then, but now I have sometimes go into over analytical mode and replay things I say to make sure I haven't "messed up" in some way. Most of the time I just ask my husband how I came across in various social settings. He's got a decent use of Fe for an ISTP and seems to understand social behavior more than I do, even though he's not as inclined towards wanting to be in social situations as I do.


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## Obsidian (Aug 10, 2011)

I think it could be Fe, or to some extent Te, or if there were a practical reason to care about others' opinions then perhaps Ti. Fi would seem to be the least likely to care.


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