# Do you need to be in a relationship to be truly happy?



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

OrangeAppled said:


> *How important are intimate relationships to a person's well being and happiness? *
> I think relationships & love are VERY important, but they don't have to be sexual or romantic. While it's natural to desire those kinds of relationships, I think you can live a happy, full life without one. It may not be ideal, but no life is ideal.
> 
> *Can people be truly happy being single their entire life? *
> ...


But then again no one is really "stuck" in marriage either. Unfortunate divorce rate proves otherwise.


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## Botzilia (Oct 26, 2009)

I definitely do not have to be in a relationship to be happy. As a matter of fact, I feel better when single, cause I tend to lose myself in a relationship and focus on the person I m with. I put my needs aside and adapt. I do not have time for myself but m there for my partner 24/7. And that gets the best of me. Have to learn how to balance. I don't think I ever will be able to do so, but will keep on trying.


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## Socrates (Feb 1, 2010)

Linda123 said:


> I think its very possible to be happy and single but true happiness i feel will only be experienced when you are with someone who completes you.


This here.

It's just a feeling I get... I've taken all the necessary steps for personal happiness, but I do feel as if having someone else would push it forward quite a bit.


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## DoctorJetsam (Jun 15, 2010)

Nah...
As far as I'm concerned, Single Equals Good. :happy: Generally, though, I think more people are happier in a relationship that out of it. But I guess that since there are so many alternative sources of happiness, it's silly to think you can't ever be happy unless you're involved with someone romantically.


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

DoctorJetsam said:


> But I guess that since there are so many alternative sources of happiness, it's silly to think you can't ever be happy unless you're involved with someone romantically.


That's funny... I think of romance as an alternative source of happiness... like if you really can't find anything better, hehe.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

no .... but i certainly wouldn't be happiest without one


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> But then again no one is really "stuck" in marriage either. Unfortunate divorce rate proves otherwise.


I don't have that attitude towards marriage. I don't believe in easy-outs and divorce for any old reason. It would have to be a very serious reason for me to divorce - like physical abuse or infidelity. Simply not having much fun anymore or arguing a lot is not a good reason to me.


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## Steve MD (Jun 11, 2010)

Being in a relationship isn't necessary for happiness....


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

I'm happier without a relationship then with one. I don't want such a commitment for awhile.


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## Oreocat (Dec 13, 2010)

I said yes XP I don't know that I've ever felt happy out of a relationship, it seems like the only time I'm actually happy is when I can hold someone in my arms and tell them I love them :tongue:


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

I think you need to be happy on your own before you can ever be truly happy in a relationship.


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## Memento (Nov 25, 2010)

onetoughcookie said:


> How important are intimate relationships to a person's well being and happiness? Can people be truly happy being single their entire life? Could you imagine yourself living a happy lifestyle if you were single your whole life?


I answered "no" to the "poll question: Do you need to be in a relationship to be truly happy?"

But to the OP's question in the opening post my answer is the opposite, though still "no" because the question has been inverted somewhat.

No I cannot imagine myself living a happy lifestyle if I were single my whole life. I would have an awareness that something is missing. That does not mean that I must be continually in a relationship to be happy but rather that I need to have some periods when I am in a relationship. If I go too long without a relationship I find myself becoming dissatisfied and unhappy. At times in my life I need the give and take and caring of a relationship in order to grow and thrive and to feel alive. While ideally one should be happy before getting into a relationship, a relationship does have some affect on one's happiness and as we can be changed by the relationships that we get into we can also be affected by our times of loneliness and isolation. I would prefer to remain in an intimate relationship with the same woman.


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## Seeker99 (Jan 13, 2010)

Yes, but for incredibly immature and selfish reasons: I want to be the single most important person in someone's life.

Is it really so much to ask? :tongue:

I just want someone to take care of, and to be taken care of in return. :blushed:


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Wow. I wasn't expecting anyone to say no. Turns out I'm in the minority. 


...but... how... could .. that ..work? 
:frustrating:

If I thought I would have to spend the rest of my life without finding what I want most, without ever being fulfilled, I would probably give up.


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## bobz (Dec 2, 2010)

beig in a relationship may be nice for some people, but others prefer to be alone, it just depend what kind of person you are. Wait a minute! Then a certain grouping of mbti types might have chosen one answer to this question, while others choose others!


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## uncreative_name (Sep 24, 2010)

Absolutely not. I've seen people who get into relationships for the happiness reason alone...they have been in more relationships than I can count.

I think I would like to be at some point but it shouldn't be necessary to my happiness. I know some people who have never married and they live happy lives.


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## Gummibarchen (Dec 20, 2010)

Being in an ill-suited relationship would cause the happiness to drop at a much faster rate than being single, whilst being in a suitable relationship should see the happiness level stay the same but shift to accommodate the fact it's not longer just me and the world, but us and the world.

I've seen too many friends who "_need_" to be in a relationship remain grossly unhappy because they hook up with anyone who shows an interest just to avoid that single feeling. I have no desire to follow their example.


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## s0n1c800m (Dec 6, 2010)

For me, I know I am a better, happier person when I have someone worthwhile to share myself with. 
Things work badly for me when I seek relationships. When I am happy, people are attracted to me, and good relationships develop.
Yes, I can be happy _without _a romantic partner, but not as happy as I know I can be _with_ one. I need that catalyst to inspire me to be the best version of myself.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

Don't know. Only have been single. It would be nice to experience a relationship at least once.


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## Azwan (Nov 2, 2010)

I voted "no".

This is because I agree with what vivacissamamente and uncreative_name said.

Also, Davey Wavey seems to agree too:
YouTube - How To Get A Boyfriend


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## Goddess (Jul 21, 2013)

Anyone who "*needs*" a relationship isn't even ready for one.


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## ShadoWolf (Jun 5, 2012)

No. I don't let other people hold me back. I'm happy in a relationship but not having one doesn't make me unhappy. Jealous sometimes, but not unhappy.


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## Oh_no_she_DIDNT (Sep 30, 2011)

Kind of beside the point of the main question, but I've found that the loneliest feeling in the world is the feeling of being alone in a relationship. To invest of yourself, to share, to invite, to make yourself vulnerable, and not receive, to be shut out... it becomes a sort of emotional debt in the red.. That takes a toll. At least in being single, you can reserve your "emotional-potential" for yourself... if that makes any sense, and I'm probably not articulating it well... but in my head it makes sense. I know that's kind of another discussion altogether, but anyway... 

I think it may be different today, but there was a time I loved being single... I noticed I was happy on my own with good friends and pursuing my interests. I was never one of those people to complain about being alone or lonely. I looked forward to single valentines day... sometimes I went out and bought my best friends special Valentines day gifts.. Over my lifetime I have acquired an assortment of the most wonderful, supportive, hilarious female friends and in general we're pretty close (though we drift every once in while), so... I suppose its that emotional intimacy, companionship, and stability (in them) that really may have allowed me to remain a fulfilled and happy single through out much of my life(?)

Can I just describe happiness (or contentment) as: working out a purpose in life or job, feeling physically healthy/well, having emotional intimacy/support from close friendships _or _a significant relationship, and taking joy in some sort of pastime. That seems to be my recipe for general contentment. But its not always easy to attain/maintain. Any phase of unhappiness is probably attributed to those "contentment-requirements" being out of whack.


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## senlar (Jan 8, 2012)

I've read some of the previous posts.

I agree with some of the points:

-You should learn to be happy alone first. If you're not happy alone, then it's even harder to be happier with someone else when you have satisfy their emotions and have less time for yourself.
-I've looked at my previous relationships and well, they weren't very satisfying. There are other things that have made me more happy. I once lived in a beachhouse of an island for $210 for room for a whole month. I would love to return there again and work on freelance if it would be possible. I also enjoy work and hobbies.
-I do sort of agree that at least the 20s should be spent in freedom. I sort of find it medieval to be married from early 20s to 60-70 like it's the 1700s or something. Also it's a good time to be saving money and focusing on building a good career history (either diversity of experience in needed skills or stable work experience at 1-3 companies). 

Personally.
-I am INTP. INTPs have Fe. I do sort of feel like a life would be incomplete without a partner. I currently feel like there's something missing and I'm not satisfied somehow (well there are multiple reasons for that right now). 

In contrast, I don't really want to have any children so it's not like I "have" to get married at 20-40 for biological reasons. Also, I want to be free in my 20s and work on saving and career first. 

I don't know if I can satisfy the feeling for female companionship with something else (graphic design? art? music? creative projects?) or least decrease the desire so that I can get married later. 

The most important thing for me right now is to get secure (I would like to have a house before getting married - that is something realistic where I am living - so that I have no tension of having to pay rent - the biggest cost in my life right now). Also, I would like to have a few years' worth of savings and have succeeded in a handful of side projects for income. I am NT so maybe these are just ideals. My desire for female companionship (not even really sex which isn't that important - just the feeling of being liked) sort of pulls me to get married earlier. Whereas my plans and long term desires pull me to get married later. I honestly don't know which side is going to win. I would hope for someplace in the middle so I get both relationship earlier and some of my goals at the same time. I don't think it's wise to give into feelings completely and I also think it's not healthy to ignore feelings completely. SO probably someplace in the middle is where I would hope for. I'm currently in my mid 20s and I would hope for around 30-35 for getting married. 

Interesting thread. Made me think of a lot of priorities in my life.


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## William I am (May 20, 2011)

onetoughcookie said:


> How important are intimate relationships to a person's well being and happiness? Can people be truly happy being single their entire life? Could you imagine yourself living a happy lifestyle if you were single your whole life?


If all my needs for intimacy, support, love, and acceptance were met through a network of friends, family, and maybe a free-love group of people I could have sex with, sure maybe. But I don't think that's likely to happen, and I can get a lot of each of those things from a relationship. Also, some of the things that I really value only exist in some kind of relationship. It's critical to my happiness. Maslow.


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## Husgark (Nov 14, 2012)

Well, I've never been in a relationship and I feel perfectly fine. So clearly I don't need to be in one to be happy, and that's a good thing.


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## Sidoba (Jun 13, 2013)

Happiness is a state of mind, not a possession to acquire. Whether I am single or in a relationship, I am happy. No outside influence can ever take that from me.


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## Falhalterra (Apr 24, 2011)

Maybe it's because of the experiences I've had in my life, but I do think me being in a relationship is significantly more happier than being single. Anytime I have been I have always yearned to be back with someone I could love. And I have given it time before. 

Being lonely sucks and not being with someone that just gets you and wants to be intimate with you just makes me depressed. I'm glad to have the man I have now...if only I could easily determine his type. lol


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## Nick97 (Oct 28, 2013)

No, you do not need to be in a relationship to be happy. Yes, being in a relationship can make you happy but when it comes down to it, you don't need one to be happy. You are your own person and so many people in life lose track of who they are and how strong they are as one individual that it becomes natural for them to say you need a relationship or to say that another person can complete you. One of the greatest feelings there is knowing you can create your own happiness. Now I'm not saying relationships aren't a good thing... but being independent and not being like everyone else who needs someone to "complete them" is a great feeling.


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## Le Beau Coeur (Jan 30, 2011)

Not at all.


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## WinterFox (Sep 19, 2013)

No, I don't really need relationships to be happy in life. When I was younger, like in high school, I was yearning for a relationship back then. But now those urges have stopped, I have outgrown that phase.
If relationships comes my way, that's cool and if I have feelings for that person I might give it a shot. But if relationship doesn't come my way, I am fine with it too. 

But I do need financial/career stability and positive and supportive people around me to be happy in life.
I took a quiz about what makes me feel the most uplifted, and my quiz results is I need to be constantly chasing after goals in order to feel fulfilled in life.
I find this so true. Like right now, I am planning to pursue my Associate degree, then BA degree, then Master's degree, and I am also planning to open my own business one day, so that just in case my business failed one day, I still have my Master degree as a backup. It might take me 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, or even 40 years to reach all my goals, but I am persevering and I am not giving up. I know this might not be an easy route for me since I have short attention span, depression, severe social anxiety etc, but as long as I don't give up on my goals, I believe I will reach all my goals eventually.


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## Fear Itself (Feb 20, 2013)

No.


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## Bronzework (Oct 23, 2013)

I do not believe we need it.
I believe it is a conditioning.

We see it all around us.
We see people seemingly happier than you could ever think possible.
We then feel like there is something wrong with us for not being with someone.
Then we yearn for the love and comfort of another person.
We end up not caring about the great risk which can come with loving someone which is heart break when love is no longer there.
When it is gone there is left an empty void which we feel we need to replace with another person to love us.
The cycle continues for some.

Some are able to fight against the void.

Some conntinue to be in relationships with people they never really loved or depending on making themselves love the person just to not ever be alone.


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## AST (Oct 1, 2013)

I voted "yes", just because I think it was a closer choice to the spirit I was trying to convey. Temporarily, it doesn't bother me at all, and I can be happy other ways. But, I wouldn't be happy or fulfilled if I died single. The concept of family, especially one's own, and that special kind of bond is all very important to me and tied to duty (although not strictly from that). If I were to do anything less... yeah no.


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## knightingling (Oct 15, 2013)

Humans are social beings, so I think relationships are an important factor for us to live a happy and healthy life. However, I don't think that we all need romantic relationships to lead a happy life. We _can_ have relationships from friendships to family that are enough to make us truly happy. And true happiness is not even about romance. If it is about love, then we can get love from our family, friends, and pets even.


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## ifyouinsist (Dec 2, 2013)

No. I need to stay OUT of a relationship to remain happy!


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## candiedViolet (Jun 23, 2013)

I'm assuming that the original question was about romantic/sexual relationships.

I voted "No" on the poll because out of all of the times that I was the happiest in life, only one of them was when I was dating someone. Dating is something that I am interested in, but it doesn't always make me satisfied with my life and some relationships of mine have caused me grief. I would rather wait until I met someone that I really like than go out of my way looking for someone too.


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## AetherDays (Dec 7, 2013)

My relationships with people in my life are incredibly important to me, but I'm also independent. I don't absolutely need to be in a relationship to be happy, and I think that's healthy.


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## ErenYeager (Dec 8, 2013)

In my subjective opinion, I actually believe that people would be happier not in a relationship. How do you know the words the other person say, mean the same words as you say? How do you know if you interpret their words as what they mean? What is love and how do you know they love you? There's no certainty in anything.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

absolutely not. but there isn't anything wrong with seeking companionship either.


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