# Encouragement and Support in Relationships



## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

What are ways your friends/family/partner has encouraged or supported your interests and passions?

Or ways you would want them to?

Has anyone done/said anything that you felt discouraged you? How did you react?

Is it very important to you to have an encouraging partner/friend/family? 

Or are you pretty self-sufficient and motivated without any encouragement, and you perhaps don't get discouraged easily anyway?

Any tips for being encouraging to loved ones?

Are there any times you feel the need to discourage loved ones?

How have you done that in a way that was sensitive to their feelings? Or how has someone else discouraged you from something, in a way that is sensitive to your feelings and helped you rather than hurt you?

Basically about encouragement, support, and your partner's interests?

Is there anything your partner is interested in that you hate? What do you do?

How many interests do you share with your partner?


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I'll share an example for myself of how I wanted encouragement and now I don't need it.

I've always battled with my moods--perhaps depression, who knows. And when I was younger, I used to wish that my partner would, if they saw my mood starting to tank or dip a lot, remind me to go outside and spend some time in nature.

Because that helped me a lot, or at least I thought it did. 

Now, I do try to spend regular time out in nature--going to the beach, or ideally going out and doing things. And I do this for myself without any encouragement, to keep my mood somewhat healthy.

I don't really feel I need that anymore, because I can do it for myself. However, if I was to have a relationship with someone who started discouraging me from it, by saying that it wasn't important, or by telling me that I shouldn't do it--then I think it would bother me a lot because it's something I do need.

Actually, I think an online friendship helped encourage me to do it--because I would sometimes tell the person about my walks and stuff, and perhaps share photos of it though I don't anymore because I want to develop new skills now.

I don't think I need anyone to remind me to do that anymore, however, if I did get into a really bad place emotionally, it would probably still help for someone to say "hey, what about going for a walk at the beach--maybe just do it even if you don't feel like doing it."

I guess maybe that's more about needs than passions--but it's probably not technically a need. 

But it was kind of interesting to think about because it used to be something I really wished for, and now it's something I don't so much because I just do it for myself, but I don't want someone to prohibit me from it either--because it would feel like they didn't care about me. I just wanted to prevent my depression when I was younger though, and I was maybe a lot less able to fight it on my own so I wished I had someone who would help me, even though I didn't and it was fine.

Hm. I was in a relationship in which the other person was always outdoors though, so he kind of helped me with that as I could go out and do it a lot with him, though it was really just because he wanted to do it. So it was a compatibility thing, I think--where we were somewhat compatible on that level, and I probably would have been less compatible with someone who never wanted to go in nature. Perhaps now it might not be as big of a deal, since I've been working on that skill on my own (it shouldn't seem like a "skill" but tbh you do have to be smart about it since nature can be dangerous).

So, feel free to share anything about how you may have needed or wanted encouragement at one time, but no longer needed it later.

This could also be like...maybe you dealt with something difficult and only needed it for a while. Or maybe you found you had the best relationship with someone who shared an interest...like Jane Goodall and her Photographer husband who worked together with the chimpanzees.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I also want to get better about being encouraging, since I think I can be kind of a negative nancy and a wet blanket, I am sure--so I think it's a good skill to be able to develop for supporting and encouraging others.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

My preferences are that partners anticipate my needs, in a similar manner as I do theirs. I hate nagging, whether being the nagger or the nagged, and will walk away from this type of relationship behavior. Also, it's very important that they have my back and I will fiercely guard theirs in return. That said, if they or I'm wrong, then it's okay to not defend the other. Blind loyalty is asking too much.

The new guy and I share some key interests but also, have our own interests. We're not yet partners but who knows what might happen in the near future. As far as past partners, if they had interests that I wasn't interested in which was rare, they'd do their thing and I'd do mine. It was all good.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Hmm, from my SO/wife, I'd say just being able to listen and provide feedback is good enough. I don't need genius level advice every time and honestly just being present and supportive emotionally and with morale is the best I'd realistically hope for. With friends and family, just an ear to listen and to refrain from being too negative or pessimisticly critical is enough. Otherwise if I already know what I want then it's a matter of how I get what I want that's the issue and that I can mostly attain without a lot of outside feedback.

If you're the kind of person who needs encouragement and help in a relationship, you definitely want to be with someone who can readily verbalize that kind of stuff.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

mia-me said:


> My preferences are that partners anticipate my needs, in a similar manner as I do theirs. I hate nagging, whether being the nagger or the nagged, and will walk away from this type of relationship behavior. Also, it's very important that they have my back and I will fiercely guard theirs in return. That said, if they or I'm wrong, then it's okay to not defend the other. Blind loyalty is asking too much.
> 
> The new guy and I share some key interests but also, have our own interests. We're not yet partners but who knows what might happen in the near future. As far as past partners, if they had interests that I wasn't interested in which was rare, they'd do their thing and I'd do mine. It was all good.


That seems like a good preference. I don't like nagging either and it's good to not have elements that you dislike in a relationship--it makes sense to walk away from that type of dynamic. I agree with you about blind loyalty. I'm happy for your new relationship!



Scoobyscoob said:


> Hmm, from my SO/wife, I'd say just being able to listen and provide feedback is good enough.


You know--this is a good point. I relate to this because I barely even follow advice when it's given--it's just nice to hear different options before choosing sometimes. But the thing that helps the most is feeling comfortable talking about it, because that's how I come up with most of my solutions! I've never really thought of that much before! It's good to know it's similar for others too.

If I need encouragement...I don't know if I do or not. I do sometimes struggle with things and it's really frustrating to me that I can't initiate or start them. But I'm not sure how much others can really help with that. But perhaps it's that when I get negative feedback I end up feeling like stopping being able to talk about something, and so that might be part of what bothers me. Because I don't want to talk about something to someone who isn't interested. And if it's something really important to me, then perhaps that doesn't work well for a relationship. With some friendships it could, but they wouldn't necessarily be super close if I didn't feel comfortable talking about these important things. So it might be less about expressing encouragement and more about just not poo-pooing my ideas and letting me talk. Thanks.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

WickerDeer said:


> That seems like a good preference. I don't like nagging either and it's good to not have elements that you dislike in a relationship--it makes sense to walk away from that type of dynamic. I agree with you about blind loyalty. I'm happy for your new relationship!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think if you want to be in any kind of long term relationship with a person, there are times when you'll want to talk with your SO about something he may or may not be interested in and likewise there may be times where he talks to you about something you may or may not be super interested in. I do agree that being able to talk to your SO without them constantly criticizing you is an important quality to have in a mate. I also have a bit of a problem starting or initiating new things so having an SO who lives quite in the moment being able to give me a good kick in the pants is sometimes exactly what I need. LOL XD You'd probably benefit from an SO who would do the same for you, but maybe with less kicking and more encouraging.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Scoobyscoob said:


> I think if you want to be in any kind of long term relationship with a person, there are times when you'll want to talk with your SO about something he may or may not be interested in and likewise there may be times where he talks to you about something you may or may not be super interested in. I do agree that being able to talk to your SO without them constantly criticizing you is an important quality to have in a mate. I also have a bit of a problem starting or initiating new things so having an SO who lives quite in the moment being able to give me a good kick in the pants is sometimes exactly what I need. LOL XD You'd probably benefit from an SO who would do the same for you, but maybe with less kicking and more encouraging.


Yes--this makes sense. I don't remember having problems with talking to my ex about things I wasn't interested in though...but perhaps I am just interested in a lot of things, or perhaps because he was a Fe dom, he just abstained from talking about things he didn't think I was interested in. Idk.



I like challenges and I like growing--and I can handle kicking to a degree, but not if it's something important to me. I mean, I feel that if someone cared about who I really am, then they should also at least respect and care for my passions, even if they are different than theirs.

But now I find myself much more stagnated because I am having trouble pushing myself. I am motivated by pleasing others, and I haven't got anyone to please but myself. LOL  Or I don't know if that's the problem.

I feel like it'd be too much to ask a SO to take care of that issue...lol...hopefully I'll be able to overcome it better on my own. 

Maybe because I do like being challenged, I should get more into social situations where people are trying to develop themselves and maybe compete even, sometimes.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

WickerDeer said:


> Yes--this makes sense. I don't remember having problems with talking to my ex about things I wasn't interested in though...but perhaps I am just interested in a lot of things, or perhaps because he was a Fe dom, he just abstained from talking about things he didn't think I was interested in. Idk.
> 
> complaining about my ex from ten years ago lol:
> 
> ...


Right, your ex is an ESFJ right? Yes there's a good chance he was taking your feelings and interests into account before talking about anything with you. That's something that Fe-doms tend to be good at in a one-on-one situation. Also, your ex being fairly opinionated about some subjects is really just an EJ thing. It sounds like your ex is very high on extraversion and judging which can make him seem like someone who always needs goals to meet but can have a lot of opinions on Si things, which in his case would be setting and meeting traditional gender roles, shunning art in favor of tech(?), telling you that your most important role as a woman is to be a good homemaker, etc. Yeah, I can see how your ex's driven nature is nice but his insistence on maintaining gender roles would make it difficult to continue working on your art.

I notice that you do mention your ESFJ ex a lot. Are you maybe not fully over him, or do you mention him because he's the last person you've dated? I only mention this because if you ever do start dating again, mentioning your ex to a date is probably going to make him assume that you're not quite fully over your ex. 

As for wanting to nurture another person, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You will however have to be okay with that kind of arrangement with another guy and he'll have to be okay with being taken care of. That kind of guy shouldn't be too hard to meet but I think you'll have to set boundaries on how much interdependence and how much independence the both of you should maintain. Otherwise, I don't see a problem with wanting an SO to take care of, just don't lose yourself to one another would be my suggestion. 

I'm pretty sure my wife is an Se-user so we don't have to worry so much about the past and other Si-stuff, but she does all the stuff that needs to be done as a mother and wife, and I sometimes help with planning and stuff.  I do a lot, I just don't want to brag.


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## Eu_citzen (Jan 18, 2018)

My family and friends have been encouraging by actually participating -- or enabling my "explorations".
That's one thing I really appreciate. Maybe even participate.

But overall, I'm pretty self-sufficient, and if I want to do something no encouragement is needed. Generally.
It's when I fall into a indecisive position that's the most valuable to me.
If my (hypothetical) partner happens to notice, and can discuss it with me, that's appreciated. 
It's also rare for me to get discouraged -- I sort of thrive on the challenge -- maybe with a degree of stubbornness. 

I feel like it's important to discourage someone if there's a major risk of negative consequences. 
As someone said above, blind loyalty is not good.

As far as past partners go. We've often shared a few interests, and then a few we didn't share.
Sometimes we'd do things together, sometimes we'd do our own thing.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Edit: I sort of relate to the not wanting to be stuck in the past thing--sometimes it's good to talk about things in the past, but sometimes it's no longer very useful. And I prefer not to worry about it anymore right now if I've already processed it for the most part. So I agree, somewhat.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Eu_citzen said:


> My family and friends have been encouraging by actually participating -- or enabling my "explorations".
> That's one thing I really appreciate. Maybe even participate.
> 
> But overall, I'm pretty self-sufficient, and if I want to do something no encouragement is needed. Generally.
> ...


I agree with you about discouraging someone if there is a risk of negative consequences--that is just expressing that you care about them. 

I wish I was more decisive and went after what I wanted to do. Maybe I can learn from you.

What is the last exciting thing you've done? I want to vicariously enjoy it. 

I relate to you needing encouragement only when you are indecisive--I also seem to only need it during some times, but I'm just not sure when or why, and I am frustrated not being able to do it on my own.


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## mia-me (Feb 5, 2021)

WickerDeer said:


> That seems like a good preference. I don't like nagging either and it's good to not have elements that you dislike in a relationship--it makes sense to walk away from that type of dynamic. I agree with you about blind loyalty. I'm happy for your new relationship!


Yeah, you don't strike me as the nagging kind. The nagging dynamic makes me want to pull out the military grade shovel and head to the backyard to...dig. Shhh...don't tell anyone what I'm digging!

Thanks. It's not a relationship...yet...since we haven't had the talk. We'll see where it goes where I'm not in a hurry to rush into anything, just enjoying the moment. He makes me giggle. I don't giggle. 😄


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## Eu_citzen (Jan 18, 2018)

WickerDeer said:


> I agree with you about discouraging someone if there is a risk of negative consequences--that is just expressing that you care about them.
> 
> I wish I was more decisive and went after what I wanted to do. Maybe I can learn from you.
> 
> ...


Yeah. I really don't see any reason to discourage anyone otherwise -- except for friendly teasing, _maybe_.
Anything else can be accredited as life experience, right? 

I can tell you how I do it. But in the end you have to adjust the methods to suit your personality.
Like, if I have to do chores -- I just bulldoze through one chore at a time.
But a high Ne user might find that extraordinarily dull... 
So maybe split up your day into small, various activities/chores. And rotate among them.

Last exciting thing...? I'm sure most would not consider it exciting, but I'm designing a earth resistivity meter.
Like, an apparatus to search for ores. Basically. 
Other than that, I'd say I was on a road trip recently looking at various intriguing geological spots. 
I'd like to go canoeing in the ocean this summer, if I find the time.

I mean, that's kinda the point of being indecisive; it's not always possible to solve yourself.
Though it sometimes is. Get some advice from friends or people you trust. See if they can sway you one way or another. Or put things into a perspective you did not have.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Eu_citzen said:


> Last exciting thing...? I'm sure most would not consider it exciting, but I'm designing a earth resistivity meter.
> Like, an apparatus to search for ores. Basically.
> Other than that, I'd say I was on a road trip recently looking at various intriguing geological spots.
> I'd like to go canoeing in the ocean this summer, if I find the time.



Thanks for the chore advice! Yeah...I really do need to crack down on my chore doing. Maybe reading a book about it could help me too. It's not so much that it's dull but that I just feel overwhelmed. I guess when I think about it it's not that overwhelming. It just seems overwhelming in the moment because I should get rid of a lot of old clothing people've given me over the years, but I don't really like. 

Wow the earth sensitivity meter sounds complicated but interesting! Is it like building a metal detector?

So it's going to send some kind of waves--like radio waves, down into the earth and detect the density of the minerals? That sounds like a cool project!

I love intriguing geological spots. It's so interesting what formed the geology in regions...imagining how somewhere used to be a shallow sea, but is now some twisted mountains etc. There are so many layers with geology. I'm curious what was intriguing about them? Metal ore? I remember you talking about going on some trips to find ore. 

I haven't been out doing anything with geology lately, but I did go kayaking and it was really nice--made me want to just spend the whole day out in the kayak one day and maybe do some drawing or something. It was just really peaceful.

Ocean can be a bit less peaceful though! lol But you can catch some fish that way. And you can also get closer to whales...I guess better to avoid any true feeding frenzies though, even in a small boat, if you're in an ocean that has larger sharks.

Are you going to explore along a coastline with the canoe? Or go fishing? 

All your plans are actually pretty inspiring and it's nice to hear about. Road trips can be so fun--it's been a long time since I've been on a road trip. One time (I probably told you about this, but I don't remember if I did) I stopped at some old mines on a trip--I've probably stopped at maybe three? Just kind of randomly, in the desert. And it can be really cool just kicking around the tailings, and also seeing the ghost towns.

I bet the road trips where you live are really pretty too--because as interesting as the deserts are, mountains and forests can be beautiful places to explore as well! I don't really know much about your country though, but I guess I just imagine it's forests or mountains.


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

My parents encouraged me to do whatever made me happy, except from quitting school, quitting my driver liscence and moving fare away. I should probably have listened to them, but I finished school as an adult instead, but taking up my driver liscence is too expensive atm. I moved back, which I now think was a good choise 😊


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Electra said:


> My parents encouraged me to do whatever made me happy, except from quitting school, quitting my driver liscence and moving fare away. I should probably have listened to them, but I finished school as an adult instead, but taking up my driver liscence is too expensive atm. I moved back, which I now think was a good choise 😊


It seems like a good choice--especially since your parents are encouraging and they can be a positive influence on your family. 

When I think about it now, I think both my parents were also encouraging of the larger goals--like they both basically just gave blessings for any larger plans I had. Though my mom can be sort of critical on a day to day basis...which is probably just part of her personality and nothing she's doing on purpose. 

Sometimes going to school as an adult is great--I've heard teachers say that the adult re-entry students are often their best students, because they understand the value and the work involved and they tend to take it more seriously...I thought it was nice to hear because I think sometimes it can feel awkward for adults.

I should read up more on how to encourage children--because you bring up a good point that parents encouragement can e really helpful, even if they also care and will discourage when they worry it won't work out for you (I think--I think they just cared about you, probably, and wanted what was best).


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## Electra (Oct 24, 2014)

WickerDeer said:


> It seems like a good choice--especially since your parents are encouraging and they can be a positive influence on your family.
> 
> When I think about it now, I think both my parents were also encouraging of the larger goals--like they both basically just gave blessings for any larger plans I had. Though my mom can be sort of critical on a day to day basis...which is probably just part of her personality and nothing she's doing on purpose.
> 
> ...


That was really nice to hear about the adult students...I feel it's harder to learn now then when I was younger, (but I still have not noticed getting physically tired faster that many complain about. ) My mum nagged like CRAP but it was because I had ADD and wasn't medicated, so I could not help making constant mistakes like forgetting things all the time so to speak, loosing things and getting too late for appointments. We had to go in therapy for it, but back then there was no ADD, only MBD, which "mostly boys had" (girls were not discovered.) Hence they blamed mums parenting 🙄😒 so I got diagnosed with anxiety and bulimia, which was the secondary consequences of untreated ADD


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## Eu_citzen (Jan 18, 2018)

WickerDeer said:


> Thanks for the chore advice! Yeah...I really do need to crack down on my chore doing. Maybe reading a book about it could help me too. It's not so much that it's dull but that I just feel overwhelmed. I guess when I think about it it's not that overwhelming. It just seems overwhelming in the moment because I should get rid of a lot of old clothing people've given me over the years, but I don't really like.


Isn't a book just avoidance of the thing, too?
If a meal is too large to eat in one sitting, do you get a book on how to negate that?
If it were me - I'd just split up the meal in two. Or into smaller, tolerable pieces. And get started.



WickerDeer said:


> Wow the earth sensitivity meter sounds complicated but interesting! Is it like building a metal detector?
> 
> So it's going to send some kind of waves--like radio waves, down into the earth and detect the density of the minerals? That sounds like a cool project!


It's a bit more complicated than a metal detector, but yeah, the idea is there.
Basically it consists of 4 metallic probes that send an electrical signal into the ground.
Then measures the signal that returns and tells you how electrically conductive the rock is.
It'll also have GPS support to save information and position automatically. And a display to tell you what it's measuring.



> I love intriguing geological spots. It's so interesting what formed the geology in regions...imagining how somewhere used to be a shallow sea, but is now some twisted mountains etc. There are so many layers with geology. I'm curious what was intriguing about them? Metal ore? I remember you talking about going on some trips to find ore.
> 
> I haven't been out doing anything with geology lately, but I did go kayaking and it was really nice--made me want to just spend the whole day out in the kayak one day and maybe do some drawing or something. It was just really peaceful.


It really is! Those I visited were just geological curiosities; "one of a kind", sort of -- rare things.
Right now the metal ore (prospecting) is on hold until the resistivity meter is done. It could be a crucial bit of tooling for the upcoming aspects.




> Ocean can be a bit less peaceful though! lol But you can catch some fish that way. And you can also get closer to whales...I guess better to avoid any true feeding frenzies though, even in a small boat, if you're in an ocean that has larger sharks.
> 
> Are you going to explore along a coastline with the canoe? Or go fishing?


This area's not too densely populated. You can find calm spots near the ocean.
We also don't have whales nor sharks very often. lol

Thinking of mostly just going exploring the coastline, actually.



> All your plans are actually pretty inspiring and it's nice to hear about. Road trips can be so fun--it's been a long time since I've been on a road trip. One time (I probably told you about this, but I don't remember if I did) I stopped at some old mines on a trip--I've probably stopped at maybe three? Just kind of randomly, in the desert. And it can be really cool just kicking around the tailings, and also seeing the ghost towns.
> 
> I bet the road trips where you live are really pretty too--because as interesting as the deserts are, mountains and forests can be beautiful places to explore as well! I don't really know much about your country though, but I guess I just imagine it's forests or mountains.


Yes! I love road trips. I usually do at least one every month, for a break from the everyday kind of toil, you know?
Go for one, just go one direction and see where you end up? 

I believe you mentioned a ghost town last time -- not sure I recall the mines.
Honestly, I'd probably go nuts exploring the ghost towns. The desert kind of preserves it in a unique way, right?

Much here is woods, forests. With plenty of lakes and steams between.
I really enjoy mountain biking in the forest. Have you ever tried mountain biking? Or maybe too warm over yonder?


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Eu_citzen said:


> Isn't a book just avoidance of the thing, too?
> If a meal is too large to eat in one sitting, do you get a book on how to negate that?
> If it were me - I'd just split up the meal in two. Or into smaller, tolerable pieces. And get started.


Possibly. Though I have an INFP cousin and they swear by doing excessive amounts of research as a way of pushing themselves into a project.

But I think you are also right that sometimes overthinking it is actually worse and just getting started is better.

And small tolerable pieces for finishing a plate is a good metaphor. I guess though, for me it's partly that I just don't know what I should do with the old clothes...except that I just remembered my dad offered that I could go use his dryer and that way I could just process all of them (I find the idea of just spending a bunch of time one day washing and drying and folding laundry a lot better than having to do it over the course of a week and line dry it in the fog (it's still foggy this morning and clothes don't dry that fast here)).

So...yes--that sounds like a good plan!



> It's a bit more complicated than a metal detector, but yeah, the idea is there.
> Basically it consists of 4 metallic probes that send an electrical signal into the ground.
> Then measures the signal that returns and tells you how electrically conductive the rock is.
> It'll also have GPS support to save information and position automatically. And a display to tell you what it's measuring.


wow that sounds even cooler, because it can tell how conductive the rock is! So it will also detect iron? But it can detect gold and silver too, and copper for sure. And the GPS system sounds useful too--also sounds very complicated. But you could use that to create maps, sounds like.



> It really is! Those I visited were just geological curiosities; "one of a kind", sort of -- rare things.
> Right now the metal ore (prospecting) is on hold until the resistivity meter is done. It could be a crucial bit of tooling for the upcoming aspects.


That sounds really interesting, tbh. I enjoy discovering new things, even if it's the history of something...the geological history. But also sometimes like discovering petroglyphs on unusual rocks. I also just like seeing unusual environments and exploring them. I can't think of any true geological curiosities I've been to though...maybe I don't know what they are. Maybe like in Death Valley there are rocks that sort of roll around on their own, but I think scientists figured out the wind is pushing them around. They don't actually just roll on their own volition. lol Though that would be a very unusual rock that does that. lol



> This area's not too densely populated. You can find calm spots near the ocean.
> We also don't have whales nor sharks very often. lol
> 
> Thinking of mostly just going exploring the coastline, actually.
> ...


That is a great idea about road trips--but I just worry about traveling alone tbh. However, I'm not too worried about nature. I wouldn't feel worried about getting lost that way, more so in a big city. I like the idea of taking a road trip once a month--but how long are the road trips you do? And how far? (I want to copy you now--copy your road trip idea! I guess scheduling things and planning them can be fun!)

Yeah--the desert does seem to preserve them...it's weird. And then because there are less plants, you can also just find rocks on the ground that's easier to see than when you have to look through vegetation. But it's weird because even old trash and stuff is preserved, but it's interesting if it's trash from fifty years ago...I think maybe it's because it doesn't rain very much in the desert. It's also interesting to see how they built the mines or the parts of them, because that can also be preserved.

I have tried mountain biking, but I don't really like fast sports that much. I like being slow and thinking about things. So even when I liked skiing I preferred to go uphill not downhill, as it's too fast. The only fast sport I really enjoy is roller skating, which I guess skiing is sort of like. So I prefer walking and kayaking and exploring. I want to get into kayaking more because I feel safe away from people and it's also a way of exploring things that might normally not have trails...plus sometimes you see rays or small sharks here or even sea snails. I haven't ever felt that confident about ocean kayaking though, but exploring coastlines is fun.

Once I went to a beach you can only get to on low tide and there were these pools of freshwater coming off the cliffs, but right next to the salt water, with some salt water splashing in, I'm sure, because there was seaweed on the rocks, and there were these tadpoles all through these pools...I haven't ever seen anything like it. Tadpoles at the beach. That is at a cool beach that also had some gold mining activity because it's right at a certain faultline or something. They also found a prehistoric dolphin skeleton at the same area, exposed in the cliffs--so a dinosaur-dolphin kind of thing. A lot of cool geological stuff going on there too, along with the tadpoles.

I really like your idea of taking road trips once a month. And listening to you has reminded me of a lot of motivation, so I appreciate you talking about your adventures and plans! It was very inspiring.

Thank you for sharing!


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## Eu_citzen (Jan 18, 2018)

WickerDeer said:


> Possibly. Though I have an INFP cousin and they swear by doing excessive amounts of research as a way of pushing themselves into a project.
> 
> But I think you are also right that sometimes overthinking it is actually worse and just getting started is better.
> 
> ...


It depends on the project, though, I feel like?
Like, not every project warrants extensive research, even if some do.

Yeah -- it doesn't have to be spread throughout a week, the projects.
You can scatter them throughout a day, using the clothes as an example. It takes a bit to do the whole procedure for the machine, too. You can do other things in the meanwhile. Say the machine runs for an hour (or whatever -- example).
Then you have an hour to clean, cook, or take a stroll. Whatever the case might be.

Essentially, experiment, see what works for you.



> wow that sounds even cooler, because it can tell how conductive the rock is! So it will also detect iron? But it can detect gold and silver too, and copper for sure. And the GPS system sounds useful too--also sounds very complicated. But you could use that to create maps, sounds like.


In theory it could, yes. But this will essentially spit out a number (i.e. conductivity) and a position.
Then the user has to interpret that based on the local geology. 
So it's not as fancy as a metal detector as in making a 'guess' what's below there.
And it (should) not detect things like solitary coins, or objects in general -- unless your probes happen to touch them. 

Think of it as a much more big-picture machine that measures the soil and rock on average. 
Or in other words. The metal detector is like looking through a magnifying glass -- it enlarges details.
The soil resisitivity meter does the opposite; say, a satellite picture -- it focuses over a wider area.

That's the idea - to create a map 
With the measures data and a map you can guesstimate the locations of ores or other notable geological features.
Such as faults.



> That sounds really interesting, tbh. I enjoy discovering new things, even if it's the history of something...the geological history. But also sometimes like discovering petroglyphs on unusual rocks. I also just like seeing unusual environments and exploring them. I can't think of any true geological curiosities I've been to though...maybe I don't know what they are. Maybe like in Death Valley there are rocks that sort of roll around on their own, but I think scientists figured out the wind is pushing them around. They don't actually just roll on their own volition. lol Though that would be a very unusual rock that does that. lol


I relate to the above a lot. Loving to explore, see new things.
We don't get many petroglyphs, but a few years back I was very engaged with the local historical society and metal detecting. We found at least one new (probable) medieval settlement thanks to that. I love history, too.

Many geological curiosities require some research to find, or in my case, I drove by on accident on a roadtrip once.
And came back to check on it... 
But otherwise I'd guess there's clubs or other things you could purposefully search for such things. I'd imagine.



> That is a great idea about road trips--but I just worry about traveling alone tbh. However, I'm not too worried about nature. I wouldn't feel worried about getting lost that way, more so in a big city. I like the idea of taking a road trip once a month--but how long are the road trips you do? And how far? (I want to copy you now--copy your road trip idea! I guess scheduling things and planning them can be fun!)


What is it you worry about when travelling alone?
It varies, how long they are and how long they last. Kinda depends on the amount of free time I have available.
If I only have a day it's usually within 1-2 hours drive. Some last up to three days, say on vacations.



> I have tried mountain biking, but I don't really like fast sports that much. I like being slow and thinking about things. So even when I liked skiing I preferred to go uphill not downhill, as it's too fast. The only fast sport I really enjoy is roller skating, which I guess skiing is sort of like. So I prefer walking and kayaking and exploring. I want to get into kayaking more because I feel safe away from people and it's also a way of exploring things that might normally not have trails...plus sometimes you see rays or small sharks here or even sea snails. I haven't ever felt that confident about ocean kayaking though, but exploring coastlines is fun.


I don't know how it's over yonder. But I don't care for speed either, when mountain biking.
It's more about exploring nature, conquering the terrain and enjoying the view!
And difficult terrain can force one to slow down. Feels like you should decide if it's preferable to go fast or slow, really.

Never tried roller skating, I'd probably fall on my rear and end up looking like a baboon. 
Kayaking sounds like fun; very similar to using a canoe, I suppose.

That beach sounds very cool, wonder if there's any sand? Like, panning for gold? 
That fossil also sounds awesome. That's something I'd love to check out.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

WickerDeer said:


> What are ways your friends/family/partner has encouraged or supported your interests and passions?


My dad always challenged me. There was a lot of bad, and I know I mostly talk about that, but he also helped me grow and did a lot of good in my life. He taught me to always believe in myself, see past limitations and persevere to achieve, and overcome my own limitations. Maybe it came in part from his grandiosity, but he raised my brother and I to have kind of this "NAVY Seal" mentality, strive after the "impossible," see things as "mind over matter," and make no excuses. I wouldn't say he supported my own interests or passions (quite opposite, really), but I was able to apply those baseline lessons to my interests and passions on my own later in my life. I think it's probably in part because of how he taught me to be that I didn't let him influence me in a way that held me back, funny enough.



> Or ways you would want them to?


I don't need much...I'm self-motivated and independent overall. I just like it, I find being challenged stimulating and engaging.



> Has anyone done/said anything that you felt discouraged you? How did you react?


I don't think I'd be human if I didn't experience this...hasn't everyone at some point? IDK, I have plenty of times. Sometimes I might not take things seriously enough, but just make it into a challenge and I'll be headstrong about it. I've had people tell me I can't do some things, then suddenly I did those things gracefully when before I didn't take it seriously enough to really be anything besides clumsy about it.

Actually, that was when I was younger though...I think these days I moreso just don't feel I have anything to prove. I disregard their views of me. I'm still in some ways defiant and rebellious in pursuit of what I want, however. Every now and then I give myself a boost by thinking of how if I fail, all those people who opposed me and tried to tear me down win. I don't want them to have such power over me...I'm rebellious and persevering.



> Is it very important to you to have an encouraging partner/friend/family?


No, but I find challenges stimulating and engaging. I don't depend on it, I can get by without it, I just kind of get a certain energy / charge from it.



> Or are you pretty self-sufficient and motivated without any encouragement, and you perhaps don't get discouraged easily anyway?


I think I've covered this by now.



> Any tips for being encouraging to loved ones?


Don't give them a fish, teach them how to fish themselves. Help them establish the baseline / core beliefs to be self-sufficient in this way. It goes a lot further. I'm thankful that my dad did that with me while I was young.



> Are there any times you feel the need to discourage loved ones?


If I think they're making an error in judgment or something perhaps, then sure.



> How have you done that in a way that was sensitive to their feelings? Or how has someone else discouraged you from something, in a way that is sensitive to your feelings and helped you rather than hurt you?


Tbh I'm just straightforward and I'm not sensitive to others being straightforward with me as well. "I don't think that's the best decision because X, Y, Z." Get them to see the reasoning or consider what they are not considering.


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## impulsenine (Oct 18, 2020)

The best encouragement is to be awesome. If you are insanely healthy, beautiful, competent, happy, confident & anything that is desirable, I already feel deep encouragement. Just by being it in the background, like a spring. No words or actions needed.
I say and do.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Eu_citzen said:


> It depends on the project, though, I feel like?
> Like, not every project warrants extensive research, even if some do.


Yeah--that makes sense! lol I think their understanding was that it was like a motivation...like if they just immerse themselves in the topic, it will start naturally coming out in their actions.

Which...may or may not be true. lol But it was an interesting idea to me. I am not sure because it seems like you'd have to do a lot of research for it to start just coming out unconsciously.




> In theory it could, yes. But this will essentially spit out a number (i.e. conductivity) and a position.
> Then the user has to interpret that based on the local geology.
> So it's not as fancy as a metal detector as in making a 'guess' what's below there.
> And it (should) not detect things like solitary coins, or objects in general -- unless your probes happen to touch them.
> ...


That's really neat--I've never seen one of those. But it would be cool to detect faults underground too.

You can probably somewhat guess what kind of rock layers there are? Like if there are metamorphic or ocean-shelf or whatever? For topographical mapping? Geological maps are always really interesting to look at, except they usually have so much info in them it can be kind of difficult to really comprehend--just how the land has changed over time. But still totally fascinating. 



> I relate to the above a lot. Loving to explore, see new things.
> We don't get many petroglyphs, but a few years back I was very engaged with the local historical society and metal detecting. We found at least one new (probable) medieval settlement thanks to that. I love history, too.
> 
> Many geological curiosities require some research to find, or in my case, I drove by on accident on a roadtrip once.
> ...


That sounds really neat. We don't have those here though--aside from Native American sites. 

That is really cool to find something like that on accident or by research. I find Native American sites on accident sometimes--so long as you know what to look for you can kind of anticipate. It's more common to find middens than petroglyphs for me though...I think petroglyph sites were sort of ceremonial places.

I just read a compelling article (or maybe the object itself is compelling) about this 4400 year old snake-staff found in Finnish lake. It's just so cool to be able to see something like this and imagine what it must have meant in a different world.












> What is it you worry about when travelling alone?
> It varies, how long they are and how long they last. Kinda depends on the amount of free time I have available.
> If I only have a day it's usually within 1-2 hours drive. Some last up to three days, say on vacations.
> 
> ...


In the US, it is not uncommon for people to have hobbies of shooting stuff out in the deserts or more wilderness areas. So it's one thing to consider, that it can be kind of intimidating if there are a lot of rowdy people throwing bullets in a fire or shooting coyotes for fun.

There's also just that in some very depressed towns there might be more meth, and I somehow associate that with the desert--not sure how accurate it is. But again, it's like being out in the middle of nowhere alone can be dangerous, even without the human element. Like could be your car overheats. So usually it's more people I worry about.

There is also the concern about illegal marijuana plantations--it happens rarely, but sometimes they grow them out in the wilderness and they can sometimes end up killing people who accidentally find them. It doesn't happen a lot, hopefully, but it's sort of like an urban legend/common knowledge that you should be careful of accidentally stumbling on a grow-site. It's less common hopefully, since it's legal, but usually they have to be heavily armed to keep people from stealing money or crops. 

Once I did go out gold panning in some wilderness not so far, and I stopped on the side of the road...no other cars anywhere nearby, up on a mountain on a dirt road, and I was just looking around a small gully and a guy literally walked out of the bushes. I mean, it's just kind of freaky...I left immediately, but I think that since he didn't have a car he probably was dropped off--I'd guess maybe either poaching or to tend to a cannabis site. But I didn't stick around to find out. I also don't really want to be out in the middle of nowhere with a strange man from the bushes just because men do tend to be a little more physically strong. It was fine but just another reminder that you never really know what's going on out in the back country and so it does tend to be safer to be with someone else as a companion--especially if you're going into the wildneress.

But I think there are ways to travel alone safely--I am sure there are plenty of places to visit that can be a little more secure and maybe not quite as isolated as the places I would prefer. It's always good to be smart about it no matter if you're alone or not and I'm probably a little bit more aware than others anyway, so I'm not worried, plus I always carry weapons and other safety resources.

The beach sand did have small amounts of gold in it, I believe, but I'm not sure how easy it is to find in the sand as I think it's fine and there's not a lot, though it is more concentrated in the hilltop. It might be easier to detect with a device like the one you're building or perhaps a metal detector. My old geology teacher led a field trip there, but unfortunately, I wasn't able to go--it would have been cool to have heard what he had to say about it. I believe he liked to look at geological maps to find hypothetical potential sites like that...based on the geological history of the hill.


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## Eu_citzen (Jan 18, 2018)

WickerDeer said:


> Yeah--that makes sense! lol I think their understanding was that it was like a motivation...like if they just immerse themselves in the topic, it will start naturally coming out in their actions.
> 
> Which...may or may not be true. lol But it was an interesting idea to me. I am not sure because it seems like you'd have to do a lot of research for it to start just coming out unconsciously.


Ask them next time. Would be interesting to hear their own perspective on it. 



> That's really neat--I've never seen one of those. But it would be cool to detect faults underground too.
> 
> You can probably somewhat guess what kind of rock layers there are? Like if there are metamorphic or ocean-shelf or whatever? For topographical mapping? Geological maps are always really interesting to look at, except they usually have so much info in them it can be kind of difficult to really comprehend--just how the land has changed over time. But still totally fascinating.


Hahah, no, those are a pretty specialized bit of gear. So I believe most people would've never heard of those; pretty much exclusive to more advanced (geophysical) mapping. As well as archeology, surprisingly.

In theory you probably could get readings from rock layering. But that's too complex of a program to write for me.
And I'd need to change the hardware, too. So as things stand; probably not. It's designed to do just that one task.

Yeah, a lot of geological maps are made to present data -- not show how the land has changed over time -- that's usually left to imagination 😁 



WickerDeer said:


> That sounds really neat. We don't have those here though--aside from Native American sites.
> 
> That is really cool to find something like that on accident or by research. I find Native American sites on accident sometimes--so long as you know what to look for you can kind of anticipate. It's more common to find middens than petroglyphs for me though...I think petroglyph sites were sort of ceremonial places.
> 
> I just read a compelling article (or maybe the object itself is compelling) about this 4400 year old snake-staff found in Finnish lake. It's just so cool to be able to see something like this and imagine what it must have meant in a different world.


Yeah, it was interesting, I had never heard of middens -- I've always been focused on Bronze Age and forward.

What is fascinating is that the snake staff was used -- existed -- in a different world, sort of.
At least it would feel as such if you'd suddenly find yourself there in that time.



WickerDeer said:


> There's also just that in some very depressed towns there might be more meth, and I somehow associate that with the desert--not sure how accurate it is. But again, it's like being out in the middle of nowhere alone can be dangerous, even without the human element. Like could be your car overheats. So usually it's more people I worry about.


I find America to be a weird country -- but the mentality seems fairly common over there.
To be weary of other people. We don't really have that here; feels weird hearing it as such tbh.


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## Dalien (Jul 21, 2010)

@WickerDeer @Eu_citzen 

According to the 2017 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), approximately 1.6 million people (0.6 percent of the population) reported using methamphetamine in the past year, and 774,000 (0.3 percent) reported using it in the past month. The average age of new methamphetamine users in 2016 was 23.3 years old.2

An estimated 964,000 people aged 12 or older (about 0.4 percent of the population) had a methamphetamine use disorder in 2017—that is, they reported clinically significant impairment, including health problems, disability, and failure to meet responsibilities at work, school, or home as a result of their drug use. This number is significantly higher than the 684,000 people who reported having methamphetamine use disorder in 2016.

The 2018 Monitoring the Future (MTF) survey of adolescent drug use and attitudes reported that about 0.5 percent of 8th, 10th, and 12th graders had used methamphetamine within the past year. Use of methamphetamine by adolescents has declined significantly since 1999, when this drug was first added to the survey.3

The Treatment Episode Data Set (TEDS) provides information on admissions to substance abuse treatment facilities that are licensed or certified by state substance use agencies. According to TEDS data, nationwide treatment admissions for methamphetamine misuse dropped from 68 per 100,000 individuals in 2005 to 49 per 100,000 in 2015.39
*
An important caveat to these national numbers is the degree to which they mask regional variability. While methamphetamine is available across the US, highest availability is in the western and midwestern regions of the US; more than 70 percent of local law enforcement agencies from the pacific and west central regions of the US report methamphetamine as the greatest drug threat in their area.*41

NIDA’s National Drug Early Warning System (NDEWS), which tracks drug trends in sentinel sites across the country, found that treatment admissions for methamphetamine as the primary substance of use were less than one percent in sites east of the Mississippi River, but ranged from 12-29 percent in the sites west of the Mississippi.41 Nationwide, overdose deaths from the category of drugs that includes methamphetamine increased by 7.5 times between 2007 and 2017. About 15 percent of all drug overdose deaths involved the methamphetamine category in 2017, and 50 percent of those deaths also involved an opioid.42 In 2017, 5 of the 12 NDEWS sites reported increases in methamphetamine overdose deaths: Washington, Colorado, Texas, Florida, and Georgia.41

Image






What is the scope of methamphetamine use in the United States? | National Institute on Drug Abuse


All data refer to the United States population.




www.drugabuse.gov


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

Huh @Dalien I never thought to think about it objectively.

There are also these maps that I found:











Sadly, meth is often used by the working class to be able to work long hours...so truck drivers and stuff tend to use uppers to stay awake. 

I really really dislike the drug itself. It causes changes to the person's personality and can become really scary. It seems to depress empathy as well. I wish it was never invented.

I am sad about the damage that opiates do to the individual and the people who get hurt seeing them suffer (and sometimes die), but I am afraid of the changes meth causes to people's minds and behavior. Sometimes it just causes psychosis, but sometimes it seems to cause much more dangerous behavior and much less empathetic behavior. 

Fortunately, it does seem like there's been an overall decrease in meth labs in the US...from what I remember. But unfortunately, it's being produced far more efficiently in Mexico, where it gets through the customs border entries. Also sadly, it is a major plague for the Mexican people who have to live around it too.

There is really no drug I hate more than it and the other uppers that are similar. I hate the crime associated with the production and distribution and I hate what it does to people and communities and their families.

However...I am probably making it seem worse than it is. Usually you don't have to be around people in the desert much and it can be really nice. Plus most people are fine. It's just being a single woman sometimes makes me try to be more cautious while traveling. I think there are still many things one can do, and really you should be mindful regardless of how many people you have with you. 

It can be really fun to explore these rural areas--and it's not really as bad as I might make it sound. But you do have to be somewhat cautious. Fortunately, I've been around enough to be able to easily identify people who are high on meth irl and I will avoid them if possible. I do think it would be better if there was more focus and resources for treatment in the US.


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