# How do I attract women who want to fix damaged guys? Is it possible?



## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

Look, I admit it alright. I feel broken and damaged on some level and I wish that a girl would come into my life and save me from what I've become.

But do you know what's more disgusting than that? What's more disgusting is that she has to be pretty, or I won't feel attracted to her. 

So if I'm alone for the rest of my life I pretty much deserve it. 

Are there any guys out there who are as fucked up as I am? Let's just be honest about it and start a "we're too damaged AND picky to ever find love" support group. 

We can meet on weekends, sit in a circle, do heaps of knitting and bitch about being single. 

It'll be fun!


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

I thought damaged guys were the go-to after the bad boy? I don't think you'll have much trouble if you just carry around an acoustic guitar and look sad.


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Why is wanting to find someone attractive disgusting?


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Personally i wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy who was emotionally damaged. Healthy relationships can be a struggle at times, i can't imagine putting time and energy into trying to fix someone who is broken.

Common sense tells me if you're broken its up to you to fix yourself first, then find a women who appreciates you. You openly admitted you have this issue, so rather than expect some chick to come along and put the pieces back together, you do the work, after-all these are your issues, not theirs.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Monte said:


> Why is wanting to find someone attractive disgusting?


How dare he want to actually have sex with his girlfriend!? I'm disgusted sir, no male in his right mind would dare have an attractive girlfriend.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@Fizz: Carry around an acoustic guitar and look sad?? I used to carry around an acoustic guitar, but now I carry around a Fender Jaguar and a Roland Cube that I play live with a band sometimes or solo. Well I "carry it around" so to speak e.g. I play my music live, and most of the songs I write are all weepy teary pseudo folk country crap about the girl who left me because I was too damaged etc. Well, it's never gotten me laid but it's gotten me acid, shrooms and a whole lot of lovely digestable toys. Believe it or not. 

But whatever it is, if you got to flaunt your emoness via music, do it with a <3 Fender <3

@ Monte: cos it hurts to be on the receiving end of not being found attractive


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

Oh.

Beauty and the Beast type deal?

Still not disgusting, but good luck with that one.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Monte said:


> Why is wanting to find someone attractive disgusting?


It's not a crime, I just think the point was that coupled with wanting to have some woman "save" him, it's kind of harsh for him to expect that his savior angel also has to be amazingly pretty or he can't respect her investment. 

At least he can admit it all up front, though. That's a positive.


@MuChApArAdOx: Yeah, that's pretty much what would need to happen. I'm not looking for a major fix-it upper myself... especially if my ability and willing to invest so much into someone wouldn't even garnish as much respect as how pretty I was (as contrasted with just "average," not necessarily ugly).


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Pop Crimes said:


> @Fizz: Carry around an acoustic guitar and look sad?? I used to carry around an acoustic guitar, but now I carry around a Fender Jaguar and a Roland Cube that I play live with a band sometimes or solo. Well I "carry it around" so to speak e.g. I play my music live, and most of the songs I write are all weepy teary pseudo folk country crap about the girl who left me because I was too damaged etc. Well, it's never gotten me laid but *it's gotten me acid, shrooms and a whole lot of lovely digestable toys.* Believe it or not.


Wow, I need to learn to play the guitar. I like free things.


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## Super Awesome (Jul 11, 2011)

No one will save you. You have to save yourself. That's the way it works, or you don't fully learn.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@ Muchaparadox: Being fixed by a girl is the best thing ever. You don't know what you're missing out on. Think: *Redemption Sex*

@ Jennywocky: What's there to hide? I don't like hiding things from people. It's so fun to be an emotional exhitionist


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@ Super Awesome: my relationship advice is pretty sagacious, but I admit it's an acquired taste. 

@ Fizz: and what's more, I took em' all at the same time!!


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## Super Awesome (Jul 11, 2011)

Pop Crimes said:


> @ Super Awesome: my relationship advice is pretty sagacious, but I admit it's an acquired taste.


Are you sure "sagacious" is the right word? The thing about being rescued is this: You don't learn anything except how to be rescued. 

Anyway, for what it's worth, there are plenty of women out there who like a dilapidated fixer-upper. They can usually sniff the needy dudes a mile away, so you shouldn't have to try too hard.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I thought damaged guys were the go-to after the bad boy? I don't think you'll have much trouble if you just carry around an acoustic guitar and look sad.


A substance abuse problem that you're "trying to beat" is good too. It's also never too late for your parents to molest you.


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)




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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

This thread .......


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## MXZCCT (May 29, 2011)

Any woman worth having is not going to go through "fixing up a man". Fix yourself up. You have no confidence, and she will she right through that and blow you off.
If you want a woman to fix you up, consider a career in Hollywood. Its all acting, and its never real.


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

There are most certainly girls like that out there.
I can think of one right off the bat, someone near and dear to me.

If she finds a broken guy who she is attracted to, she'll be ecstatic, and backslide onto her tendency to put the person she wants to fix far above herself.

The problem with this however, lies not so much in her lack of care for herself, but rather, in the simple fact, people aren't so readily fixed. Chances are, she won't actually fix the one she's interested in, and soon enough, she'll become disinterested, and extremely pissed at the person.

If you aren't willing to work to fix yourself, chances are, you're just as likely to be dumped by the fixer types in the end.

So, yes, it is best you try and fix yourself, for longterm success.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@Super Awesome: Not knowing anything except how to be rescued is knowledge that I NEED right now. Because if I had that knowledge, I'd found a girl to rescue me already! And au contraire, I'm trying so hard but no luck :-( 

@redmanINTP: but that only works if you are really tall, skinny and have a chart topping rock n roll album under your name! 

@Big bad wolf: No dude, that's where I put my foot down. Wanting a rescuer is already messed up enough to begin with...and besides, it is NOT GOOD to hurt people, or to take lives for that matter. But I know you're only joking. Sorry...I just...sorry.


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

-coughs-
Seriously.
If you care about your long term relationship success at all...
Be more independent.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

Okay sorry to everyone I haven't replied, but I need to go to bed now, so a blanket reply is in order: 

To sum it all up, the idea of a rescuer really appeals to me and a lot of other guys (and forgive me for excluding you at the beginning - girls as well). It's not healthy, it's not mature and it's definitely not going to last. But is that going to stop us? NO! We will find our rescuers! 

On that note I shall retire to bed.

I will see all you lovelies tomorrow. Goodnight!


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

-sighs-
I was of this mindset myself honestly.
Had been for a while.
And met my rescuer.
Didn't exactly... turn out very well.

I still seek to depend on this person, despite her absence.

I suppose you'll have to learn this, the hard way, that being rescued is a short term deal.

Good luck to you. Rest well.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

redmanINTP said:


> A substance abuse problem that you're "trying to beat" is good too. *It's also never too late for your parents to molest you.*


Or a priest. Just dress up like a Catholic schoolboy, they dig that look.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Pop Crimes said:


> Okay sorry to everyone I haven't replied, but I need to go to bed now, so a blanket reply is in order:
> 
> To sum it all up, the idea of a rescuer really appeals to me and a lot of other guys (and forgive me for excluding you at the beginning - girls as well). *It's not healthy, it's not mature and it's definitely not going to last. But is that going to stop us? NO! We will find our rescuers! *
> 
> ...


If you acknowledge it's not healthy or mature, why do you still do it? If you want a lasting and healthy relationship, you need to deal with yourself first. You can't expect others to make you happy. It's also quite selfish as the "rescuer" may in turn feel guilty for not being able to make you happy. You're not taking into consideration how the other person feels and that reflects poorly upon you as a person. 

It's not unconditional love by any means, you're demanding too much out of a partner.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Personally i wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy who was emotionally damaged. Healthy relationships can be a struggle at times, i can't imagine putting time and energy into trying to fix someone who is broken.
> 
> Common sense tells me if you're broken its up to you to fix yourself first, then find a women who appreciates you. You openly admitted you have this issue, so rather than expect some chick to come along and put the pieces back together, you do the work, after-all these are your issues, not theirs.


He doesn't actually want to be fixed. He just wants to feel sorry for himself and for someone else (who is pretty) to feel sorry for him too. Any actual fixing would ruin the whole thing.


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

Wouldn't that... ultimately still lead to disappointment?


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## antiant (Jul 4, 2010)

My reaction in a nutshell:


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Dale Domonic Timms said:


> Wouldn't that... ultimately still lead to disappointment?


Yes, but then he can use that "pain from a horrible break-up" as the basis for his next relationship. You see, this all has a wonderful snowball effect - a sob story in motion tends to stay in motion, if you will.


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

Pop Crimes said:


> @redmanINTP: but that only works if you are really tall, skinny and have a chart topping rock n roll album under your name!


Who are you (referring to), who, who - who, who? I really wanna know!


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

" How... interesting a notion.
Not one I'm fond of mind you... buuut...
I get what you're saying there.

Pity for the s/o then.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Dale Domonic Timms said:


> Wouldn't that... ultimately still lead to disappointment?


Not really. No-one can fix him, but himself. This is something he, and the woman who is likes to fix men, ignores. So the chances of him being fixed are remote. . .


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

I thought bad boys were the damaged ones?


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

twoofthree said:


> Not really. No-one can fix him, but himself. This is something he, and the woman who is likes to fix men, ignores. So the chances of him being fixed are remote. . .


I agree... hence the penultimate disappointment when she realizes he isn't getting fixed, and most likely leaves him(Though... it is possible... I suppose, that one stubborn enough, would stick painfully by him to the end. If I were of his interests... I'd possibly be one who'd do similar.).
Meh.
Either way, I still think it is something he might need to learn the hard way.
If... he actually learns anything from it.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@twoofthree pretty much got it right! It's all about finding a pretty girl to feel sorry for me, and helping me feel sorry for myself. Any ACTUAL fixing will spoil the whole thing. Feeling sorry for one's self is, to me, one of the most pleasurable things ever and can only become much more better if I had someone to help me out with it. 

@Fizz: Yes, it does reflect poorly upon me as a person, just as the bum of a dog is reflected in the puddle on which it's taking a shit. But really, I see that as a good thing because it makes me unique and sexy. 

@antiant: the girl is cute, but I really dislike my own Asian kind. I prefer White Girls!! xoxoxoxo. I really do. White Girls are hot.


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## antiant (Jul 4, 2010)

*face palms*


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

Well, if you want a more serious answer, your original post reeks of esteem issues; you call yourself broken and damaged, you berate your desire for an attractive partner by calling it disgusting, and you say you deserve to die alone. If you disagree with violence towards life, which is healthy, why the emotional violence towards the self? As far as rescuer fantasies go, I understand that. I remember being about thirteen and fantasizing about having someone to love me, accept me, respect me, and to save me from the pain and chaos of my home life and of being me. Essentially, I wanted a woman to provide everything I never had in my life; a sense of security, safety, unconditional love, etc. The base fantasy never changed and continued into my twenties, just taking on a desire for some woman to see past what I thought was only a mask; my sociopathic tendencies. Thing is, I fully believe if I had wrangled in my esteem issues at an earlier age, I wouldn't be where I am now. No woman could fix me. It will take a team of therapists the rest of my life to "fix" me. 

Thing is, self-esteem issues have nasty side effects, that tend to push people away. A continued cycle of rejection fuels resentment and rage, which adds new issues. New issues pile on new rejections and you end up just miserable, left with only your unrealistic fantasies of rescue. Now even more unrealistic, because you have no idea how to provide anything close to the kind of love you fantasize about receiving from the rescuer. So, if you believe you're damaged and broken, go get "fixed", so you can have a healthy relationship with real love, instead of some overly idealized, unrealistic Romeo and Juliet story. You can find close, but two emotionally devastated people is a recipe for disaster, that I've repeated since I was eighteen.


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

Eeyup. I don't understand ya bro.

Good luck to you, and well, hope you find pleasure in whatever.

I hope that the girl who does this for you... finds joy as well, somehow.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

Also, seeing as that I've made a complete fool of myself here (in many ways I was asking for it) and probably earned the dislike of many a person, I shall not return to PerC anymore. Besides, I don't think someone as immature as me can contribute to an internet forum populated by people who are actually serious about discovering themselves. 

I think I need to go away and really think through some things in my life. I am not ready for this forum. Let this thread be a reminder of how far a man can fall if he does not make the effort to catch himself. Exhibit A: Pop Crimes - what it means to be a mess of a person. If anyone wants an idea of what it means to be SELFISH and emotionally INCONSIDERATE, direct them here. This is my legacy.

And no, I'm not tying to pull a "feel sorry for me and forgive me for my tresspasses" crap or "be worried for me now and give me attention thing!". I truly am leaving for good this time. This is my last post on PerC. It was fun while it lasted. Time to get back to real life and...sort myself out.

Thank you for entertaining me for the past 2 hours.


Goodnight.


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## dejavu (Jun 23, 2010)

I'm going to go the psychologist route and tell you that you need to take care of yourself. Do you _really_ wanna rely on another person, an external source, to make life better? Wouldn't it be easier if you could rely on yourself for that, since you're always going to be available? Most women, and men for that matter, are not attracted to people who are desperate for a partner. They sniff out that desperation and run away. What _is_ attractive is a person who is fine by themselves, who is _happy_ being single, who has a full and fulfilling, independent life.

If you feel broken, get counseling, or else just work on self-improvement. Then go looking for a partner.


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## Dale Domonic Timms (Sep 12, 2011)

No, I don't dislike you.

I just think, no insult intended, you're being an idiot.

Sometimes people need people to point these sort of things out, but quite frankly, you seem to be beating yourself up more than enough as it is.

-sigh- Makes it even harder to help you.

Wanting help is good, but the first step is always, always with oneself.

You'd be pretty damn good at getting people to like you.

Or feel sorry for you.

I'm already feeling it dude.

Seriously.

Doesn't mean I like it, but, tis the truth.


Edit: Also, what she said. ^


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

You need to look like a rebellious angsty bad boy. I'm damaged rather badly, but I'm the wrong kind of damaged, that is the genuinely messed up with issues and a history that makes you wonder how I get out of bed in the morning despite making it so that I should logically spend all day sulking in a corner while drinking myself into a stupor. The type of damaged they are trying to fixed is the rebellious, doesn't listen to rules sort of thing. There is a difference between a jerk and someone who is actually damaged and it is a very important one that you shouldn't make.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@Mutatio NOmenis, I have seen you around the forums for two years but we have never crossed paths. I am pleased to meet you, finally. Yes, you are right. To some women there is a clear distinction between a jerk and someone who is actually damaged. 

But I live in fantasy land, where genuinely damaged guys will be fixed by good women, and those guys will in turn become truly fixed, their souls warm and strong with love; and they will be faithful, loving and kind to their healer. And because these men are such softies there wouldn't be a single instance of violence or anger in the world, so they won't have to be "manly" so to speak. 

Humankind will be able to live without the dichotomies of good/evil, weak/strong. People will just be peaceful, kind, loving and happy. And all those who are loved will fix the loveless. A world free everything that bites and stings.


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## Decay153 (Dec 31, 2009)

Fizz said:


> I thought damaged guys were the go-to after the bad boy? I don't think you'll have much trouble if you just carry around an acoustic guitar and look sad.


Hey, I do that! ...it's what I do.. on Friday nights...


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## Musician6120 (Jun 24, 2010)

Pop Crimes said:


> @Fizz: Carry around an acoustic guitar and look sad?? I used to carry around an acoustic guitar, but now I carry around a Fender Jaguar and a Roland Cube that I play live with a band sometimes or solo.
> But whatever it is, if you got to flaunt your emoness via music, do it with a <3 Fender <3


I hope you replaced the saddles on that thing! They're horrible. The tuning gears aren't much better. I love the sound of it, but oddly enough you can get that sound on a Telecaster. I'm partial to Fender amps, but the more portable ones are pretty stinky.

On the downside of fixing a broken person is that when they're feeling better, they hightail it out. Maybe it's embarrassment or maybe the person just reminds them of bad times, but whatever the reason it's unpleasant to be on the receiving end.


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## Paragon (Mar 15, 2011)

This was by far the weirdest thread I've ever read in my entire life. :ninja:


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

@Pop Crimes

I'm totally okay with neediness, to the point where I find needy men significantly more desirable than those who detach from their feelings in order to seem independent, but superficiality is a definite dealbreaker. You expect your partner to tolerate things you probably wouldn't, which makes any relationship one-sided and selfish, unless she gets off on being objectified while trying to be your perfect healer.

You already know that you don't deserve what you are seeking, which is tragic, but perceptive. At least you are honest about it. I'm not sure there is anything more to say about it. You ask how to attract such women, but I doubt there are too many out there who would tolerate being treated that way.

The ones who are okay with being expected to be pretty tend not to be the same ones who are okay with a needy guy, and those of us who value vulnerability because it allows for deeper intimacy are unlikely to tolerate being objectified or treated in a shallow manner. The reasons for being into nurturing/rescuing people seem incompatible with the reasons a person might be okay with being someone's eye candy.

I guess it could be worse. Your ultimate desire could be harder to reconcile with reality. It could be something impossible. For example, you could be a furry, or a vore fetishist. At least there is some chance that what you are seeking could hypothetically exist somewhere in this reality. I've just never seen it.

Your ideal world, free from violence, aggression, and things that sting would be lovely. However, one of the things that would have to be eliminated in order for all people to be healed and feel loved would be the tendency for romantic partners to engage in looks-based mate selection.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Pop Crimes said:


> But do you know what's more disgusting than that? What's more disgusting is that she has to be pretty, or I won't feel attracted to her.


Yeah, I'm pretty much the same way. I'm not saying I need "hot", but I have to find her eye-appealing. But honestly, don't beat yourself up over this, most people want their mate to be attractive, it's pretty normal.

As for feeling broken, I think I used to feel that way... I eventually decided, I like who I am and that I'm not broken at all. I just eventually realized this world isn't suited for odd thinkers like me, and so while I work perfectly fine, it's impossible to assimilate normally into social circles. Thus almost no opportunities for partners or friends.

Then at some point I stopped caring. I guess I've realized having a partner is more of a responsibility rather than enjoyment. I look at it more like a part-time job, instead.


Anyway, I hope you find someone. Maybe they'll "fix" you, but it'll probably ruin the relationship as a result because you'll drain every bit of loving energy out of them. Then when it's over, you may just end up feeling broke again... or maybe you'll learn. That's your choice, though.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

Whoever is fit to love you will love you, whether you - or they - like it or not. 

This can some times be to your - or their - chagrin. Or not.


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## Ephemerald (Aug 27, 2011)

I enjoy fixing damaged people. They're part of my master plan to take over the world.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Pop Crimes said:


> So anyway, back to the topic: how do I find a girl who would want to nurture me, take care of and fix me? Who is willing to be my partner in a graceful ballet of co-dependency?
> 
> Our love for each other will be the single, thin thread on which everything that's ever meant anything to either of us hangs. I want to be in a relationship like that so badly..
> 
> ...


You're asking for the wrong thing.
You're not actually looking for someone to fix you.

In this thread, most people have been trying to fix you. That's what it looks and feels like. 

Since that's not what you actually want, then don't ask for it or you might get it.


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## oso (Aug 8, 2011)

This whole thread is almost like a spoof thread. It's like a pretense, is the first thing that comes to mind.

Pop Crimes, you don't seem broken at all to me for some reason. 

But my suggestion is that you set up a bunch of accounts on different dating sites, stating on your profile exactly what it is you want just as you have on here. 

Did someone say something about emotional exhibitionism?? I really like that term. Damn, I must've 'liked' a quarter of the posts on this thread.


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## oso (Aug 8, 2011)

Ok, i'm going to go ahead and say what i'm thinking. I feel i'm being harsh but this is mainly about attention, no?

There, I said it.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@snail: Snail, firstly I would like to say that I am sincerely honoured that you have taken the time to type a well-thought reply to my thread. You are truly a cafe legend; I remember reading your posts when I first joined personality cafe in 2009 and being absolutely blown away by your wisdom and integrity. I remember starting threads that I thought would address “deep” questions about the human condition, and thinking “if Snail replies to this, then I must be a person of substance on some level”. As far as memory serves, I don’t remember you replying to any of those threads. But I have always thought of a chance to hear what you have to say about my thoughts, and you have spoken. I thank you again.

Now on to the subject matter itself: thank you for noting that. That I am aware of the fact that I absolutely do not deserve what I want. However, that doesn’t stop me from wanting it anyway. I have learned to accept that I am an “emotional hypocrite” in that sense. It’s not a good thing to be, but it could be worse if I hid that aspect of myself from the world. It would be worse if I went around acting like I TRULY wanted to be saved by a good person, when at the end of the day what I want is a lot more selfish than that. So I lie to nobody: I express who I truly am. It is a relief to be honest about myself, because I have no secret fires to tend. If people express disdain, disgust and hatred toward me, I deserve it. If people express kindness, then it’s their choice, I didn’t force them to do so. 

I am not man enough to feel comfortable transforming myself into someone that pretty girls will fall for. But I am not generous and compassionate enough to accept love in its purity and fallible humanity. I think I’m in such a crude existential paradox because I am very susceptible to the wants and needs of the flesh, but at the same time I know how the superficiality of our fleshly/earthly needs (that as you say, are much to blame for this world of cruelty and evil) hurts our selves and others. And that, whether you believe or not, weighs heavy on my conscience and hurts me. 

Right now, I’m just trying to live a life that is true to who I am. But at the same time, I don’t want to hurt anyone or anything either. In that sense I’m kind of relieved that women are not attracted to me because they then won’t have to put up with the shit I’ll probably dish out. 

But it’s no use either, trying to suppress my confusion, anger and yearning. Sometimes it’s fast living and slow suicide. Sometimes its long protracted periods of cleansing and discipline. A lot of times it’s practicing music everyday, letting tone, melody and the very physical act of playing/performing itself envelope me, losing myself in the act of creation so as to avoid anymore destruction. I know its all rock n’ roll cliché but for me, rock n’ roll is one of the only things worth living for. I’m perfectly fine with a 9 to 5 day job, I love working actually! And what of my pay that I don’t give my parents and sibling, I spend on maintaining my guitar, or saving towards better gear (guitar effects, amplifiers) or even guitar classes (they are expensive but so worth it!). 

And sometimes I get a bit tired of rock n’ roll but I just want to let out the torrent of feelings inside of me, so I come onto PerC and start threads like these. And I wait. I wait for the abuse. I wait for the pity. I wait for the humour, the disgust, the sadness, the curiosity at this aspect of the human condition. I wait, and when the torrent of emotional reactions hit me, I throw myself, like this, into it.

Then I’m satisfied that at least, even though my desires are not fulfilled (and better that they are not), at least they are honoured by these responses. 

Thank you for reading my long ramble, Snail (if you’ve read this far). As the clichéd saying goes; “I hope it made sense”. 

@Decay153: That’s nice to hear! What kind of music do you play? 

@Musician6120: Are you kidding? I LOVE the saddles! I know they can be a bum. I was beating the strings hard once, during a gig and abusing the whammy bar. After a while I was thinking “hmmm the pentatonic scale seems a bit odd today. Wait a minute...how can a scale mutate? It’s like saying the sky turned brown or something...” then I looked at my strings and the 1st, 2nd and 3rd ones had popped out of the saddles!!! I have been advised to switch the whole bridge to a mustang bridge, but I’ve heard those modified jaguars. They sound better with a little more sustain and clarity but they lose that ragged, gated Jaguar tone. I play mainly fingerpicking and strumming country (I love Townes Van Zandt), metal (bash it in drop D yo) (I love Norma Jean) and I also venture into post-rock/post-punk territory ala The Birthday Party, Rowland S. Howard, (post punk) Mono, Mogwai (post rock) etc etc. 

I just came home from sending my guitar to a technician. I bought the Jag brand new sometime in August. It’s an American made reissue of the original 1962 model but the shop just didn’t know how to set it up properly. After a few months of hauling it to and from the shop I bought it from, I gave it up and decided to stop being such a cheap asshole lol. If I want it done well, I will have to pay for it. The private luthier I brought it to this afternoon was so good. He got me to play some songs for him so he could gauge how to set up my guitar. I’m having it set up with pretty high action, strung with medium weight 11’s. I don’t do much bending. My style of soloing is basically distortion, delay, reverb and the copious abuse of no more than 3 notes lol. What I can achieve with a Marshall tube head, stack and an electro harmonix memory toy...is truly horrifying. Those jaguar single coils may not be as “hot” as a Les Paul’s humbuckers but they are truly underestimated. But I only get to run with a Marshall stack at a friend’s studio. For personal use, I’m saddled with a crappy Roland Cube 30. Though I’m saving up for a Fender Twin Reverb. And a car. To haul the Twin Reverb around LOLL (it’s 35 kilograms). 

The Luthier charged me 300 ringgit to set up the guitar and check up on the electronics. It’s a lot of money, but as they say, pay peanuts and you get monkeys. Pay monkeys and you get professional hunters!!! (not that I support hunting, I truly DETEST it, but for the analogy...) 

Sorry I talked so much about my guitar. Don’t get me STARTED on guitars. I can go on forever. Well, as you said it’s embarrassing to be on the receiving end of rejection (by a person you loved/fixed/etc). A lot of things that involve the heart can be so shit but as Keith Richards said, if everyone was born with a guitar there will be less suicides in the world. I have a very emotional connection with my guitars. When their intonation is off, or the wiring has died or something has gone wrong in general I’ll start to feel very tired and moody. I guess I can do without love. But without music? Now that will be very very tough...

And lastly a note on Telecasters: they are good, very reliable guitars but they’re not my thing. To me the Fender Jaguar is the perfect guitar. I have tried everything from Stratocasters to the legendary Grestch White Falcon but the Jaguar’s tone, its looks (like the control panel of a space ship from a cheesy 50s sci fi flick) and its tonal options truly make it the most beautiful guitar I have ever laid hands on. Also, I’m not very tall and my hands aren’t long, so the short scale of the Jaguar and the slim neck fits me to the T. Perfectly. 

But no disrespect for the Telecaster! Keith Richards shook up rock n’ roll history with that club! Hell, he even bashed someone with it lollll

@sprinkles: that was a very brief and wise answer. Its like that for most of us, isn’t it? 

@Ephemerald: Lol. You are an INTJ I presume? I never fuck with INTJs. They’re so smart! 

@twoofthree: I’m asking for the right thing. And you’re not giving it to me. You are not trying to fixing me. You see, if you were really trying to fix me, you’d have p.m.’d me a long time ago and asked me out on a date, no? Don’t bother trying to be a rescuer. You won’t cut it, and neither will a lot of people who have tried to fix me here. If that’s what they were trying to do. But if you’re still intent on fixing me, my advice would be to try harder.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

Pop Crimes said:


> @twoofthree: I’m asking for the right thing. And you’re not giving it to me. You are not trying to fixing me. You see, if you were really trying to fix me, you’d have p.m.’d me a long time ago and asked me out on a date, no? Don’t bother trying to be a rescuer. You won’t cut it, and neither will a lot of people who have tried to fix me here. If that’s what they were trying to do. But if you’re still intent on fixing me, my advice would be to try harder.


That's because you're not listening or taking advice. That's how fixing works. You're supposed to change your patterns of behaviour.

When you fix something it can function independently and is no longer dependent on the fixer.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FIXED!!

Just reading your previous post about wanting co-dependence etc. That sounds all fine and dandy.
That is not *fixing* anything. It may be what you're comfortable with, and what you want, so go for it. But if you ask to be *fixed* then you're likely to get something other than that.

In any case, @oso may be on to something and you've had enough of my attention.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

twoofthree said:


> In any case, @oso may be on to something and you've had enough of my attention.


*burp*. 

@oso: yes, Oso. I am doing this for the attention. 100% for the attention, to bring attention to my troubles and concerns. And I am forcing no one to answer this thread. People enter on their own volition...and for that, I thank them. I am the king of attention whores. I dare anyone here to be more of an attention whore than I am. 

In fact, I'm getting so much attention I've spent many hours replying on this thread. I think I should go and do something a bit more productive and let this sit for a while...

So on that note, sorry to anyone who I have ignored and not dignified with a reply. I shall be gone for a fair bit to do other things I have to do. But I will return soon!


Love,

Pop Crimes


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

p.s. @snail: I am in no way implying that because you replied my post, I am a "person of substance". I am just very grateful that you gave this thread your time.


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

I kind of like this thread, it's truthfully morbid and selfish in a place where people are actually trying to make progress. This thread doesn't seem to be about making progress. Just... wallowing.

You remind me a bit of Proust.



Pop Crimes said:


> I don't think there is anything wrong about myself to begin with. But there are a lot of people here, including you, who think that there is something wrong with being needy, insecure and desperate. To me, as long as I don't kill or harm anyone, there's nothing wrong with it. This is how I choose to be. Sometimes I may annoy people by complaining that I can't find a girl who doesn't exist in the first place. Sometimes I annoy people like you who genuinely want to help me...but at the end of the day, I must do my best to remain needy, insecure and desperate. Because my neediness, insecurity and desperation will keep me tender and broken for my Rescuer, my Savior, my Lady of Perpetual Sorrow who I pray I will meet some day. I am healthy enough now to keep the peopel around me (in real life) happy and unconcerned, I am doing well in my career, but I MUST MSUT MUST MUST remain needy and broken on the inside, so that when my Rescuer finds me, there will be something for her to fix.


I kind of understand where you're coming from and relate to what you've said, except the parts in italics. I think there _is_ something wrong with being needy, insecure and desperate -- if not objectively, then subjectively. It doesn't leave me _happy_ therefore it I should not pursue it.

Leading a life of depression can be enjoyable because it makes me feel so special that I can march on with life while carrying this burden of self-hate so unrelentingly while others have succumbed to suicide. Oh I feel so strong. I hate how I think that makes me strong. It's a vicious cycle. I feel like... someone I end up with should know all my flaws and everything I've worked through or they've not really understood me. If they have not seen how I began (as an unhealthy person), but only see where I end up (assuming I become a healthy person), then they don't know me at all, because they're seeing a processed person, and somehow that is a flawed representation of who I really am. 

This was a painfully honest post  

Sorry to detract from your spotlight Pop Crimes.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

Now, I promise myself that this is the last thing I will post in this thread because I have been procrastinating so much just to post here. 

I want to say that I think I should stop posting on this thread because it's becoming very unhealthy. There are people, I think, who genuinely want to help me but because I disagree with their worldview, or the way they present their case, I can get a bit nasty and bite them in ways that I myself would not like to be bitten. 

Also, I think I over-react to a lot of things people say and that is just too emotionally tiring for me to keep up with. I need to work, I need to practice my music, I need to spend time with my family; I cannot afford to keep going on defending myself, or thanking people, arguing and agreeing. And I think as per what @oso and @twoofthree said, I am not broken at all. I know what I want, but it's just that I have a whole mess of ideas and emotions surrounding it, and the more I reveal it, the more I articulate it, the more trouble I bring myself with the opinions of others and so forth. 

I am very tired. I don't know if I can ever fully and truly express myself and get people to understand what I'm trying to say. And when people understand what I'm trying to say I'm not sure if I can deal with opposing viewpoints. 

And I have emotionally hurt and disregarded a lot of people as well, in the context of these matters of the heart. I don't know what to say about myself or to others anymore. I am struck dumb and muted by anger, confusion, desire and self-loathing. I am struck dumb by an adolescent shit storm of my own brewing. And if you were to ask me why I am doing this to myself, all I can say is this: 

I feel lonely. I feel angry. I feel empty. I feel sad. I feel lost. I feel guilty. I feel guilty. I feel guilty. I feel lonely. 

In that order, I think. 

I think I should stop here now, call it a day and not look at this thread anymore. I can't stop people from posting their opinions and remarks, and if I read them they'll probably add to the emotions I already have to deal with. Then the efforts of those who care, on this forum, will be wasted for it will serve only to push me down the spiral stair. 

At the end of the day, in that sense, due to the nature of my personality, I am truly alone. The mess that is in me can only be sorted out by me. There's a part that cries and screams, yearns for attention and care, but that part is too intertwined with my sexual desires (also unanswered) to be fixed. And I feel ENTITLED for it to be answered, to be placated, but at the same time I KNOW how much it will hurt others, HAS hurt others, and so I don't want it to be placated either. My capacity to hurt women is almost natural. When I intend to do it, I pull it off very easily. But when I intend not to, I end up hurting them anyway. I feel bad for almost all the women who have ever cared for me, especially those who have cared for me deeply. Because I have *REALLY* hurt all of them, emotionally. But I won't talk about it here because that is truly private. Being honest doesn't mean revealing more than I am comfortable with. But I will reveal enough so that you will understand the kind of person you are dealing with.

I don't know. I don't know. Confused, angry, lonely, yearning, adolescent, guilty, tired. 

I don't even know if I will truly leave this thread. I am so addicted to the attention, whether positive or negative. But I will try my best to leave it. 

Now I shall leave the computer and shower. After that, I will practice guitar and catch up with my reading. Then I will go out with a friend for a coffee. These things will keep the emptiness away. The heroin of this thread will probably still be scratching around in the back of my mind but I will have to ignore it. The loneliness and anger will be there, but I will have to ignore it. The confusion, everything. Everything. Everything and nothing.

There is a girl on this forum, a seasoned member as well. I have never spoken to her, but I admire her a great deal and I hope she will come across this thread some day, and read it. For better or for worse, at least she would, upon her own volition, see me for what I am if she reads this thread. *That is how desperate I am*. Hopefully, if I'm gone for a long time, she'll still be around when I return.

But truly, this is starting to get very unhealthy for me, and a bit (very?) abusive towards other members as well. For my own sake and others, I think I should take my leave. I will return when I know I'm emotionally stable enough to actually contribute to Personality Cafe. It may be in days, weeks, months or even years. 

But I will always be a member of Personality Cafe as long as I am welcome here, and I will always love *all of you* no matter what mean thing you have said to me, or I have said to you. Because no one is as honest as accommodating as any of you in real life. 


Love,

Pop Crimes.

P.s. If I have offended any of you, I apologize. But on the other hand, I cannot bring myself to apologize because part of me feels it was right to fight back. But part of me feels indebted to you for investing your time in this thread. So here you go: partly an apology, partly a confession, partly trying to defend myself. That's Pop Crimes for you. 

Ah fuck, it's not that hard to say Sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. I really truly am sorry if I offended you. But I must stick to my messed up vision of life no matter what, no matter your advice. Because my heart screams for me to do so.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@oso , I almost sensed something troll-ish in some of @Pop Crimes 's posts, but then I was like zomg may be he is just THAT _speshul_. At any rate, I enjoy the honesty, strangeness and blatant attention-whoring on display here. It really is *the* oddest thread I have ever come across. 

<3

P.S. Well Pop C, I didn't notice your post above mine. I might respond after I have read it. Ok, I've read it. You didn't really offend as much as you probably frustrated people who wrote detailed and thoughtful replies. As supportive and upfront people have been, everyone knows that you have to ultimately sort things out yourself. I am glad you created the thread. I won't forget it (or you) anytime soon. It's true, and unfortunately a bit of an ego stroke for a fuckin narcissist like you. *laugh* I am one myself, but of a VERY different kind, thankfully.

Suit yourself!


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## Decay153 (Dec 31, 2009)

Pop Crimes said:


> @Decay153: That’s nice to hear! What kind of music do you play?


Well according to my drunk roommate last night I play 80s style Protest Music with Bad Singing to express my angst. I don't try to it just happens heheh

Also Telecasters are my choice guitar. My acoustic is an Ovation though and that's also a nice tone. I also find the concrete stairwells of my dorm have a ridiculously great echo to them so I play there when I can.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Disturbing.

Well, @Pop Crimes - you're in luck. There are people out there who are into the whole nurturing/dependence thing:

Paraphilic infantilism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@dagnytaggart 

Sorry if you found it disturbing.

No, though I want to be dependent on a woman who will get her kicks from nurturing me, Paraphilic infantilism is waaaaayyy too weird.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

Pop Crimes said:


> @dagnytaggart
> 
> Sorry if you found it disturbing.
> 
> No, though I want to be dependent on a woman who will get her kicks from nurturing me, Paraphilic infantilism is waaaaayyy too weird.





> I don't think there is anything wrong about myself to begin with. But there are a lot of people here, including you, who think that there is something wrong with being needy, insecure and desperate. To me, as long as I don't kill or harm anyone, there's nothing wrong with it. This is how I choose to be. Sometimes I may annoy people by complaining that I can't find a girl who doesn't exist in the first place. Sometimes I annoy people like you who genuinely want to help me...but at the end of the day, I must do my best to remain needy, insecure and desperate. Because my neediness, insecurity and desperation will keep me tender and broken for my Rescuer, my Savior, my Lady of Perpetual Sorrow who I pray I will meet some day. I am healthy enough now to keep the peopel around me (in real life) happy and unconcerned, I am doing well in my career, but I MUST MSUT MUST MUST remain needy and broken on the inside, so that when my Rescuer finds me, there will be something for her to fix. I am like a very pretty package sitting under a Christmas tree. But when my rescuer opens me up, to her delight, she will find a heart broken little heart with which she'll snuggle up by the fireplace and slowly and gently nurture back to wholeness!!!!


And that "ballet of codependency" _isn't_?


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@dagnytaggart

I was being very emotional and bitchy when I wrote that.


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## gravitate (Apr 13, 2010)

I was once attracted to an emotionally unstable INFP. Yes I felt that maybe I could "save" him. But it didn't take me long to realize that it wouldn't work, and perhaps why I cared for him is only because I PITIED him. And he didn't make any advances either. So fortunate.

It is like playing with fire trying to build a relationship while either party is still bothered by personal scars. And it doesn't only hurt one, it hurts two. Yes you can support each other but usually these scars do not just fade away with the presence of a girlfriend. You must actively solve it.

I won't dismiss your desire for a girl that will care about you. Because everyone deserves to be loved. But please do not forget to be responsible at the same time.


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## oso (Aug 8, 2011)

Pop Crimes said:


> *burp*.
> 
> @_oso_ : yes, Oso. I am doing this for the attention. 100% for the attention, to bring attention to my troubles and concerns. And I am forcing no one to answer this thread. People enter on their own volition...and for that, I thank them. I am the king of attention whores. I dare anyone here to be more of an attention whore than I am.
> 
> ...


Thanks for replying! I wasn't just talking about this thread, I was talking about in real life too and in the type of relationship that you seek. It just seems to me like it's less about wanting someone to actually fix you and more about the attention you may recieve from somebody trying their best to fix you, which of course they wont be able to because you're pretty much hell bent on remaining desperate and needy. 

You admit to being the ultimate attention whore anyway so what i'm saying is nothing fresh .. I just thought i'd point out what I meant. 

But what if whoever you date wants some kind of attention too at some point? What if she comes along and is your saviour and all of that for a period of time but then does a complete 180 on you and starts to be 10x more needy, desperate & broken than you are?? What if something majorly traumatic happens in her life and she needs the same in return from you at some point? (Let's say she's one of the most beautiful women in the world, just to keep it interesting). :happy:


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

@gravitate 

some of the girls to whom I've been most attracted are the ones who have shown me the most pity. But it never works out, because when they pity me, they aren't attracted to me. Yet, I find it so sexy when a girl pities me. I like the drama, especially, because I will definitely fall in love with her and she won't be able to reciprocate. Then the whole incident becomes another painful scar that I can bear proudly on my heart!

It's not much of a "scar" compared to what other people go through in life, and these "scars" of mine are self-inflicted anyway. But that being said, I see it as a spiritual alternative to body modification. 

Also yes, I will remain responsible because I don't like to hurt people. I have been emotionally irresponsible in the past, and I do not want to repeat those mistakes again. I promise I will not.

_And no, I am not trolling you. I am trying to express a personal romantic preference whimsically, because I don't want to make this topic, already as heavy as it is, too serious._


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## ModelandActress (Sep 13, 2011)

You fix the damage first...then worry about attracting women. It's okay, everyone makes mistakes.


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## Pop Crimes (Mar 31, 2010)

oso said:


> Thanks for replying! I wasn't just talking about this thread, I was talking about in real life too and in the type of relationship that you seek. It just seems to me like it's less about wanting someone to actually fix you and more about the attention you may recieve from somebody trying their best to fix you, which of course they wont be able to because you're pretty much hell bent on remaining desperate and needy.
> 
> You admit to being the ultimate attention whore anyway so what i'm saying is nothing fresh .. I just thought i'd point out what I meant.
> 
> But what if whoever you date wants some kind of attention too at some point? What if she comes along and is your saviour and all of that for a period of time but then does a complete 180 on you and starts to be 10x more needy, desperate & broken than you are?? What if something majorly traumatic happens in her life and she needs the same in return from you at some point? (Let's say she's one of the most beautiful women in the world, just to keep it interesting). :happy:


@oso : this is a very difficult question to answer because I have not even been in a relationship. But these are the _ideals_ that I will try to live up to in a relationship: firstly, I am 22 years old and have NEVER dated. Therefore, I will put as much as I possibly can into my first relationship, because I want it to be my last as well. I hope that she will be the "one" I will eventually marry and grow old with. _Because if she's not, I will feel so dirty and violated. I would feel as if mother nature decided that it is only after my twenties that I am worthy of dating women._ I would rather feel that I only started dating later than other guys because, as they say, I simply have to meet the girl who is right for me. 

In lieu of that, I will give her as much as I can as long as it doesn't violate my dignity or detract from the time I have to give to my family and friends as well. So if she loves me so much that she would build me up as a person, through thick and thin, I will do the same for her. 

Another thing is that I hate the idea of relationships being something that is ultimately primal; that a guy is nothing but a warrior and worker, and a woman bearer of children. We are not animals, we are better than that - I want someone with whom I can grow as a person. Who will help me become a better person, who will nurture me, and I would want to do the same for her as well because, Jesus the only reason and I think the most valid one is that I would do that for her because I love her. 

However, as much as I pay lip service to romantic ideals, I don't think I have it in me to love as purely. As purely as I want my lady to love me. Because for a woman to pity me first, and then love me, to be compassionate towards me AND love me at the same time - the equivalent would be me loving HER entirely for who she is. That is to say, even if she doesn't look as pretty as I would like her to, then I would have to love her anyway. But I am not like that. I am no better than the next guy. I think with my testicles. If a woman who is physically unattractive showed me all the love in the world, I would definitely be her friend and try not to lead her on. But throughout the whole relationship, I will be filled with a lot of self loathing. And I have been in that situation before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if your hypothetical situation came true, I would give everything that I can to her because I love her, because everything that I am is because of her, because she built me up, I am a part of her as she is of me. 

If she was 10x or 20x or 100x more broken than I was, I would fix just as she fixed me, because the world will be a better place because of her. 

But that is all hypothetical. In reality, that will not happen to me because I can't even love as purely and sincerely as that. As Snail mentioned earlier, I know that I am not worthy of the love that I crave. But my feelings, my biology will still drive me to seek that love, no matter what. However, I will not and do not feel any bitterness towards women for rejecting me because I know that I am not deserving of them. I ask too much and cannot deliver myself. 

I do admit that sometimes, in the depths of rejection and loneliness, I feel feel angry and bitter. But I am aware and always remind myself that it is nobody's fault but mine. Women already have to put up with enough shit in the world, and I don't want to add to any more of it. So if they don't want me, the door is always open and their paths are free to walk. 

I just hope that women are nice enough to not begrudge men the same dignity. Luckily, most of the women I've fallen for acknowledge that men put up with lots of shit too, and rejected me with maturity and grace.

Now, I would like to dedicate this song to anyone, male or female who have longed to have their needs fulfilled, but who at least acknowledge the pain and needs of others as well. If love is too burdensome or complex, that is the least we can do for each other. In the end, our common humanity is all we really have. Strip away youth, strip away money, strip away strength, shake off all the attitude and all we are left with is our common humanity.

If I Needed You by Townes Van Zandt, covered by Pop Crimes (yes, that is REALLY me singing and playing guitar!). If you guys know this song, I hope I've done it justice!: 

If I Needed You (Townes Van Zandt cover) by The Bard of PerC!!!! on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free

I'm not being a real ISFP if I don't perform a song for you guys  

I compose my own stuff as well, but that is under my real-life name and I will not reveal that here.

EDIT: I would like to tag @Evgenia and @hazelwitch as well in this post (I feel that it is the most important one I've made for this thread because I deal with a lot of ideas that constantly preoccupy me), because they have been following this thread for quite a bit. But that doesn't mean I don't value the rest of you who have been reading this thread! And I'm sure there are some of you who have been reading this thread since the beginning as well, so I apologize if I didn't tag you. If I had to tag everyone it'll take forever..


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## Evgenia (May 2, 2010)

Hey... 
First let me say I find your ability to introspect and be honest with yourself quite amazing... I really like this thread and your posts, please don't feel so guilty ! It's really interesting to see someone express what they really feel, being absolutely authentic.

So... I'm not going to say anything revolutionary... anyway: 

I can tell you these girls exist. Just, there are as needy as you are, but their defense mechanism is reversed: caring so much (in an unhealthy way) about your problems is just a way to distract themselves from their own. Well, 'distract themselves from their own problems' is probably not the best way to put it... how to say... Yeah, what I mean, is that, it probably gives them a 'goal' in their life... Like, they feel so empty, and then you come in with all your insecurities and you make them feel needed, and then suddenly their life has a purpose, know what I mean ? 
So, IMO, you have to look for some girls that are kinda 'lost' in their lives at the moment. 
Just DON'T EXPECT a psychologically healthy, beautiful, bright girl. Look out for people who are as unhealthy as you are if you want to make such an arrangement- loners, hypersensitive etc. Beautiful, unhealthy girls exist, believe me.

I will repeat this relationship you are looking for is unhealthy. You know it very well. But you don't have to feel guilty for wanting it, and, as long as you make your intentions clear, I don't see why you would be responsible for any 'emotional harm'. The girl you are looking for will be as dependent on you as you are on her anyway. Needing to be a saviour is another way of being "needy". I just hope the girl you find will be mature enough to take her responsabilities, and be as honest with herself as you are with yourself, so that she doesn't end up making you feel guilty. (I mean, *really* guilty, not the 'Omg I feel so guilty, I'm such a wasted, depressed artist' feeling that you will end up to exploit and like anyway  ).

Annnnd to finish with, I will just say that this kind of girl will 'lock' you in your insecurities instead of 'rescuing' you from them. Because, your insecurities are the only thing your relationship will lie upon. You wont have a 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationship, in which both parts are FREE and INDEPENDENT but a 'rescued-rescuer' one, in which any real 'progress' towards independence will mean the end of the relationship.
But, having an unhealthy relationship might be better for you than having none at all for the moment, you don't have to feel shameful or guilty or whatever. Just know what you're going onto- but you obviously already know.


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## lifeisanillusion (Feb 21, 2011)

Fix yourself. It is quite simple, take responsibility for your own life and be an adult. If you depend on others to complete you, you will be disappointed and miserable. That doesn't mean you can't ask for help, but ultimately you are responsible for your own well being.


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## gravitate (Apr 13, 2010)

Pop Crimes said:


> _And no, I am not trolling you. I am trying to express a personal romantic preference whimsically, because I don't want to make this topic, already as heavy as it is, too serious._


No problem, because I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel like a Damsel in Distress too.


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## Palaver (Jan 5, 2010)

@_Pop Crimes_ 

Some women are attracted to guys who share the same flaws as their father. Fixing you is like going back and fixing their childhood. The can finally conquer that feeling of helplessness they experienced watching their parents struggle through marriage.

Also, money can help you fix a lot of your problems with attraction and self esteem. If you don't have it. Go get it. At the least, the services of "comfort women" can give you the illusion of being flawless and attractive. And that is all that really matters. You really don't need women. You really don't want to be fixed. You just want to be happy like everyone else. Until you are truly happy, what you think will make you happy is just a theory. Just be opened minded about what you really want. Don't get fixated on one thing being the solution to your problems--least of all, women. Everyone has their flaws. Some are more aware than others. You are only preparing yourself for disappointment if you wait on the cure to start living your life.


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## Evgenia (May 2, 2010)

Palaver said:


> @_Pop Crimes_
> 
> Some women are attracted to guys who share the same flaws as their father. Fixing you is like going back and fixing their childhood. The can finally conquer that feeling of helplessness they experienced watching their parents struggle through marriage.


TRUE, but, I might add, not necessarily their father. More generally, girls who have received love & acceptance from helping others emotionally- may it be an unhealthy mother, father... anyone whom they have depended upon at one point of their life, so that in order to survive they had to put on an "emotional rescuer" persona.

-------
Find yourself a painfully-stereotypical NF  . It might be even easier if they are more beautiful than you because chances are they will be all "I'll show you appearance doesn't matter to me" etc etc 
They will catch this opportunity as the ultimate idealistic thing to do, really: "help" (which, to an extent, is unhealthy and certainly not genuinely helpful) without expecting in return, showing how they are attracted to your soul... I speak from experience hahaha.

(Okay. Just to clarify once again: this is a manipulative and unhealthy thing to do- from BOTH parts though.)


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## Celtic Dreams (Sep 7, 2011)

Pop Crimes said:


> Thank you for entertaining me for the past 2 hours.
> Goodnight.


Raise your hand if you think the dude was trollin'


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## Palaver (Jan 5, 2010)

Evgenia said:


> I speak from experience hahaha.


Oh, you should quit spoiling them. You are raising their expectations too much. This will prevent from initiating relationships with normal "selfish" individuals.

That said. Aren't NFs more inclined to marry for money compared to the other temperaments? That's quite opposite from running a charity. 

It's this incongruity between self perception and behavior that makes the MBTI all the more believable. People are just that... nuanced.


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## Evgenia (May 2, 2010)

Palaver said:


> Oh, you should quit spoiling them. You are raising their expectations too much. This will prevent from initiating relationships with normal "selfish" individuals.
> 
> That said. Aren't NFs more inclined to marry for money compared to the other temperaments? That's quite opposite from running a charity.
> 
> It's this incongruity between self perception and behavior that makes the MBTI all the more believable. People are just that... nuanced.


I know - and said - this kind of relationships are unhealthy and manipulative. That said, even though I hide my insecurities behind a "stereotypical NF angel", deep down I know I am selfish, just as anyone else. Even my apparent "charity" or whatever is selfish, in that it just makes me feel "good" (= not guilty) about myself and earns me acceptance, even if it's only on a superficial level. And then ? I mean, if I have this attitude, it's because I NEED that acceptance so much. Actually, on the moment I don't really care whether I am raising everyone's expectations or not, because I need to protect myself first, and being overly charitable is my strategy. But, I agree it's far from healthy. And, sorry, but it's also the other person's job to realize everybody isn't there to please them like some unhealthy NF can and to not expect that overly charitable attitude from everyone. If they choose freely to benefit and possibly abuse from my overly charitable attitude, then they are being manipulative too, and that is THEIR problem. Anyone healthy wouldn't accept this kind of 'deal' anyway.



Palaver said:


> That said. Aren't NFs more inclined to marry for money compared to the other temperaments? That's quite opposite from running a charity.


Ummm don't know where you read this. Anyway, why are you saying this ? I can tell you I don't think I'll ever marry someone just for money, for sure, but even if I did, ?????? These kind of unhealthy arrangement happen, you now. Just like some people marry just because of physical appearance, or intelligence, success or whatever. Objectifying. It has nothing to do with being an NF or not... IMO... (??????)
Did I imply unhealthy NF's are better than everybody because they are sometimes overly charitable ? I thought I had made it clear that being overly charitable is being manipulative- it's not healthier than abusing from one's financial resources or whatever. Just another form of dependence.

(edit: Just thinking... maybe marriage implies _some_ level of objectification anyway- be it through money, beauty or whatever. _"Be mine"_. Annnd I'm seriously going off topic noooww  ).


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Pop Crimes said:


> Look, I admit it alright. I feel broken and damaged on some level and I wish that a girl would come into my life and save me from what I've become.
> 
> But do you know what's more disgusting than that? What's more disgusting is that she has to be pretty, or I won't feel attracted to her.
> 
> ...


Simple, by giving them money to do whatever the f*ck you want


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## antiant (Jul 4, 2010)

Usually when I want to attract girls, I take off all my clothes, slather Jiffy peanut butter all over my body, then throw pillow feathers on myself. I then proceed to step outside my house and run wild in the streets. Sometimes when I'm feeling really bold, I run with a turkey baster in my hand and wave it around like a Harry Potter wand. Gets them every time.


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## PurpleProse (Oct 2, 2011)

i was so hesitant to reply to this lol i dont want to totally go off on another topic but...
i totally understand/respect the fact that ud want someone who was pretty. i def think that being attracted to a guy is important...but whether or not hes cute is a completely different thing altogether. wouldnt u rather have a woman u were attracted to vs a woman who u thought was just pretty? i think so many people miss out on mr/ms right because they dont give someone who isnt initially pretty to them a chance. 
can you tell that i dont consider myself to be in that pretty group? uh...ok. my rant is over. i hope u find love, etc etc


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