# Helping my Friend Overcome his Racism toward White America



## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Hello PerC,

I have a friend who has a strong hatred of White America. His hatred, though, has an interesting origin. He's told me not a single white person has ever been hateful toward him. Rather, his cites the origin of his hatred by the observations he's made of them. His main observation of White America is the following: for being largely middle-class, and have a relatively comfortable life, why do they, nonetheless, feel a need to demean minorities and assert superiority over them?
However, he hates himself over his racism, and wants to be able to overcome it without ignoring issues of race altogether. He's seeking a kind of "enlightenment", if you will.

While I somewhat agree with him that White America has sins it won't "repent" of, I agree that he needs to overcome his hated as there are better ways to approach the problems of life without destroying oneself and one's inner peace. 

If it helps, he's an INFJ (or INFP). Lol, we're both the same type, and yet I feel as though I can't help him, so I've resorted to PerC.

P.S., I have no interest in sarcastic comments or comments on "reverse-racism". Stay away. I only want the advice of people who genuinely care for the soul of my friend.

I want to thank those persons in advance who will post and provide sound advice for my friend.


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

I recommend he seek therapy. Deep-seated issues like this do not go away easily. He may have an underlying issue that dovetails with his racism.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Shimmerleaf said:


> I recommend he seek therapy. Deep-seated issues like this do not go away easily. He may have an underlying issue that dovetails with his racism.


Would it be okay to ask what would be underlying his racism?


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

Realeros said:


> Would it be okay to ask what would be underlying his racism?


I can only speculate. My own thoughts are that he may have experienced some trauma, he is highly suggestible or that he is depressed. I think it is likely that he doesn't know what is causing it and a therapist can help him discover and address its root.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Basically, people have been ethnocentric since the beginning of there being ethnicities. It happened in Asia and it happened in Europe, nations prospered, naturally they developed a taste for their success and considered outsiders to be barbarians. It was only very recently that the civil rights movement occured in US "invalidating" race. Though race is not actually invalidated to any level, it's just condemned in the public sphere, but you meet a good number of individuals, you will still find racism. But even further than that, there is a notion of "colorblindness" which ideally would mean that different races all should be looked at the same. My opinion is that would be ideal, but it doesn't really fit with the context of what is going on. If you adopt a colorblind view, that doesn't mean a lot of other people aren't racist and that racist things don't happen. So what you get among some white people in America this sense that "civil rights happened, it's all good". So depending on the person, when they hear things on the news about "black guy got shot by a cop" they immediately say "everyone has civil rights, this is race-baiting, the media is doing this on purpose to rile people up and it's hypocritical". But there's also the chance that the motivation or lack of consideration for victims were actually race-related, as "colorblind idealists" some may become blind to this possiblity being very likely. So there's one problem there. Besides that, there are affirmative action programs based upon race (may or may not need to be based on race that's a different topic), so any white person who hears this would say "this is blatant hypocrisy and the system or racist for supporting miniorites" while the minorities will be shouting "this system is clearly all for the whites". Then there are other logistical problems that people have in general with welfare programs and entitlements, that is more individualist stuff but it affects the same groups.
Point is, many whites will say they are not racist even though at the same time they don't seem to be helping out minorities with some of the above mentioned presumptions such as "race-baiting" where everything is assumed "fine" when there is still racism in existence. So it's not like everyone is a white supremacist, fact of that matter is, the understanding of race relations is misled in many cases and nobody has the same perspective. Maybe they are influenced by secret white supremacist elites. Then there are actual people who will go out directly and say that they think certain cultures are inferior. But I mustn't forget that people like that are also part of the country as well because where I live most people are liberal and a good portion of them "don't care about race" and thus may be misled into thinking racial tensions are imaginary and media produced. This perspective depending on the specific case, leads many people to just say that these people are just closet racists and in denial when they claim to not be racist. Which I think is also misleading because culture portrays the civil rights movement as a massive success and if you don't see the racial tensions in certain areas first hand you don't really know what to think and you may just become skeptical of these things even existing when they do appear.


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## SamTheMediocre (Mar 7, 2013)

Realeros said:


> Would it be okay to ask what would be underlying his racism?


(Not my comment and not this guy's response, but I have some insight here.) Often times internalized prejudice comes from environmental stimuli. By which I mean, they likely heard a lot of negative things about white America growing up from family, friends, neighbors, teachers, TV, etc and as time goes on he has subconsciously sought out validation for those claims. On a conscious level they may realize that these feeling are not necessarily founded in reality, but because an instinctual association has been formed between white america and negative stereotypes of that part of society, he still holds those prejudices regardless of his logical predisposition against them. It's a tricky thing to overcome. I wish him the best of luck. Certain members of my family are openly racist, and if you've been hearing that stuff since you were a little kid, it's often able to stick itself to some dark corner of your mind only to pop up when you least expect it. Again, best of luck. It's not impossible to open people up to new ideas, but it's always an uphill battle.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Well perhaps he also needs to understand the nature of these things, that though the outcome can be pretty rough that it is not necessarily out of ill intent.
UnderstandingPrejudice.org: The Psychology of Prejudice

That he needs to learn the difference between acceptance and giving up.
Because you can accept that these are things are but we don't accept them, I think that's been a struggle for myself.
It's hard to accept a reality in which a lot of this shit exists and blatantly so, it is frustrating but you consider that getting angry doesn't help and need to take control that caring is good but wearing yourself over nothing isn't good either.
For me what I do when I get sucked into a hole over issues like that is that I make myself focus on how happy people are despite all that, that I reflect on the history with how much has changed for the better in some places.
Like after seeing some views about cat calling i was pretty riled up once but then I went out and saw that despite the culture in which most women will be subject to varying degrees of sexual violence, it doesn't mean that they can't have fulfilling lives.
That people aren't to be defined by the terrible things of others and that we need to make space for ourselves to get away from all that shit.

ramble ramble ramble XD
Is a tough gig accepting things though, I'm still persistantly shocked at the level of inhumanity and ignorance that is spouted through apathy and indifference.So 

the advice may be to show him the good side of things, where people are happy and changing things for the better, that people aren't taking things sitting down, emphasis of the good aspects in spite of the bad, because they're just as real and got to accept them in one's frame of mind too.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

SamTheMediocre said:


> (Not my comment and not this guy's response, but I have some insight here.) Often times internalized prejudice comes from environmental stimuli. By which I mean, they likely heard a lot of negative things about white America growing up from family, friends, neighbors, teachers, TV, etc and as time goes on he has subconsciously sought out validation for those claims. On a conscious level they may realize that these feeling are not necessarily founded in reality, but because an instinctual association has been formed between white america and negative stereotypes of that part of society, he still holds those prejudices regardless of his logical predisposition against them. It's a tricky thing to overcome. I wish him the best of luck. Certain members of my family are openly racist, and if you've been hearing that stuff since you were a little kid, it's often able to stick itself to some dark corner of your mind only to pop up when you least expect it. Again, best of luck. It's not impossible to open people up to new ideas, but it's always an uphill battle.


Great insight! He does have a logical predisposition against his own racism, and to make my point clear, he's stated he has the knowledge to be a kind person (but his anger prevents him from doing so). Would you be shocked to hear he's only been this way for 2-3 years? Before those years, he was a cool and stable guy (known for having a monk-like demeanor). His first love was a white female! Can you believe it? 
I have hope in him, though. When do we typically hear of racist who wants to overcome it? I believe he deserves the help/advice.

Could you go deeper into what you said about the logical disposition and the dark instinctual association?


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Wellsy said:


> Well perhaps he also needs to understand the nature of these things, that though the outcome can be pretty rough that it is not necessarily out of ill intent.
> UnderstandingPrejudice.org: The Psychology of Prejudice
> 
> That he needs to learn the difference between acceptance and giving up.
> ...


Thank you for replying to this thread. I appreciate it. You spoke about the difference between giving up and accepting issues like race and sexual violence/abuse toward women. Could you could deeper into it? 
Have you come across the 5 or 7 stages of grief? If so, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it with regard to this thread.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Basically, people have been ethnocentric since the beginning of there being ethnicities. It happened in Asia and it happened in Europe, nations prospered, naturally they developed a taste for their success and considered outsiders to be barbarians. It was only very recently that the civil rights movement occured in US "invalidating" race. Though race is not actually invalidated to any level, it's just condemned in the public sphere, but you meet a good number of individuals, you will still find racism. But even further than that, there is a notion of "colorblindness" which ideally would mean that different races all should be looked at the same. My opinion is that would be ideal, but it doesn't really fit with the context of what is going on. If you adopt a colorblind view, that doesn't mean a lot of other people aren't racist and that racist things don't happen. So what you get among some white people in America this sense that "civil rights happened, it's all good". So depending on the person, when they hear things on the news about "black guy got shot by a cop" they immediately say "everyone has civil rights, this is race-baiting, the media is doing this on purpose to rile people up and it's hypocritical". But there's also the chance that the motivation or lack of consideration for victims were actually race-related, as "colorblind idealists" some may become blind to this possiblity being very likely. So there's one problem there. Besides that, there are affirmative action programs based upon race (may or may not need to be based on race that's a different topic), so any white person who hears this would say "this is blatant hypocrisy and the system or racist for supporting miniorites" while the minorities will be shouting "this system is clearly all for the whites". Then there are other logistical problems that people have in general with welfare programs and entitlements, that is more individualist stuff but it affects the same groups.
> Point is, many whites will say they are not racist even though at the same time they don't seem to be helping out minorities with some of the above mentioned presumptions such as "race-baiting" where everything is assumed "fine" when there is still racism in existence. So it's not like everyone is a white supremacist, fact of that matter is, the understanding of race relations is misled in many cases and nobody has the same perspective. Maybe they are influenced by secret white supremacist elites. Then there are actual people who will go out directly and say that they think certain cultures are inferior. But I mustn't forget that people like that are also part of the country as well because where I live most people are liberal and a good portion of them "don't care about race" and thus may be misled into thinking racial tensions are imaginary and media produced. This perspective depending on the specific case, leads many people to just say that these people are just closet racists and in denial when they claim to not be racist. Which I think is also misleading because culture portrays the civil rights movement as a massive success and if you don't see the racial tensions in certain areas first hand you don't really know what to think and you may just become skeptical of these things even existing when they do appear.



Thank you for your overview on the phenomenon of race, and how it can be in nature so relative to one’s perspective and place in the U.S. Perhaps it’s this ambiguity that’s unconsciously bothering him. 

How would you deal with this issue, say, if you were my friend? While it’s difficult to do so, I’m curious. 
Like I said in the initial post, hated does nothing but destroy oneself. It’s eats away one’s peace. He wants peace, and knows better than to be a racist given what you said, but yet he has his “anger” toward White America, nonetheless.

It’s his tricky situation that worries and saddens me.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Realeros said:


> Thank you for replying to this thread. I appreciate it. You spoke about the difference between giving up and accepting issues like race and sexual violence/abuse toward women. Could you could deeper into it?
> Have you come across the 5 or 7 stages of grief? If so, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it with regard to this thread.


Well I think when people talk about accepting reality what pisses me off is that it comes off as, we should tolerate and be okay with the way things up, they sound like they are apathetic to the problem that one should not care because "hey what can I do?".
That sort of thinking I struggle to align with, not giving a fuck and being apathetic seems like being dead inside, being a husk of a human being devoid of the typical human links we make.
Not that a person has to feel strongly for everything, it's not even about the feeling but basic morals as a human being acknowledging that things are wrong and not rationalizing them away.
I simply can't accept it as a okay standard, though I can accept that it exist and why it exists, because denying what is, only amounts to unnecessary mental distress.
It's what causes people a lot of problem in a lot of areas is that they refuse to accept what is, so for me I like to try and focus on concrete things, what can i say exists and then tell myself that I need to accept it's existence to best be able to understand it and challenge it.

I don't know if I went through the stages of grief it's more like I was pissed off then I didn't want to be pissed off anymore, it's exhausting, so instead I try and consciously direct myself to points that challenge my cynical point of view at that time.
Because its easy to ignore things when you only zoom in for one perspective, but it's not a whole perspective.

It was actually racism that broke me down and made me confront that I have anger, from this very site.
I struggled to accept that people couldn't acknowledge systemic racism and regardless of the outcome of the Michael Brown case, that the way people approached it was clear to me one of prejudiced outlook that I couldn't fathom as having a legitimate basis except out of naivety and ignorance. 
It consumed my mind for a few weeks, I was just obsessed with thinking about how fucked up it is someone gets killed and people defend it. I think it was normal response for anyone to be angry with that sort of thing, just as it feels good to witness acts of kindness, its distressing to witness the opposite. 
So for me I try and balance it out, I don't want to shy away from the bad parts that exist, but in acknowledging them I try and keep my focus on what good there is.
It's straight forward but not easy because it requires becoming aware of your internal state, stopping, questioning yourself and consciously deciding the sorts of thoughts you want to have, or at least criticize the negative thoughts you're currently having. 

For me the positive outlook I have is that change is inevitable, there will always people fighting for change because people recognize inequalities and injustice, just as there's always those calling for change there's always those resisting in defense of a status quo. To me to look at history is that progress isn't linear, you can make some gains just as you can make some losses and back and forth, make a lot of gains you get cultural backlash, but in time things can change significantly.

I think for me i remember there being a black director or something and he emphasized that the anger in part comes from a lack of control for him, a lack of control for justice and so on, so for him he took his work to carve out a space in which it's his zone. That people can't touch him the way they can outside that context and perhaps another way of it, not only to get in a zone mentally thats positive but to make a physical manfestation of a space to exist without the concerns of society and it's ways. YOu can't stay too long amongst it without going crazy and burn out.


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

He recognizes his racism is problematic and yet he does not seem open to taking individual experiences into account and changing his viewpoint. I hate to be so blunt but perhaps this is not a problem you can or should solve. Perhaps he needs to process this on his own and decide on his own to take in these new possibilities and adjust his worldview accordingly. Maybe his healing is his business only.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Realeros said:


> Thank you for your overview on the phenomenon of race, and how it can be in nature so relative to one’s perspective and place in the U.S. Perhaps it’s this ambiguity that’s unconsciously bothering him.
> 
> How would you deal with this issue, say, if you were my friend? While it’s difficult to do so, I’m curious.
> Like I said in the initial post, hated does nothing but destroy oneself. It’s eats away one’s peace. He wants peace, and knows better than to be a racist given what you said, but yet he has his “anger” toward White America, nonetheless.
> ...


That is my understanding of it as a white male A'murican. 
I was just assuming he thinks whites in America were all belligerents and anti-minorities. I just wanted to show that this is not really accurate and it offends people like me who don't want to be grouped into that, but I get annoyed because I get grouped into that anyway then I don't want to help other people. But anyway, assuming he believes that everyone has "bad intentions" I thought it would be helpful to try to say this is part hate but not all hate but also ignorance or apathy that causes ignorant beliefs. That doesn't really change the outcome much but the intentions are not all horrible for everyone, I thought this would help in some way, helping him understand the mindset that people have is not always informed and is sometimes ignorant rather than purposefully hateful.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Shimmerleaf said:


> He recognizes his racism is problematic and yet he does not seem open to taking individual experiences into account and changing his viewpoint. I hate to be so blunt but perhaps this is not a problem you can or should solve. Perhaps he needs to process this on his own and decide on his own to take in these new possibilities and adjust his worldview accordingly.



Sorry to have made it unclear, but he's against his racism, and has taken into account personal experiences, etc., and all else necessary to have an informed perspective on the issue of race. Really, he's tormented over his "anger" toward White America. He doesn't how to approach this powerful emotion and calm it such that he able to live happily again without being prejudicial.


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

Realeros said:


> Sorry to have made it unclear, but he's against his racism, and has taken into account personal experiences, etc., and all else necessary to have an informed perspective on the issue of race. Really, he's tormented over his "anger" toward White America. He doesn't how to approach this powerful emotion and calm it such that he able to live happily again without being prejudicial.


That is helpful information. Perhaps this problem is actually about regulating emotions and less about what the problem seems like on the surface.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> That is my understanding of it as a white male A'murican.
> I was just assuming he thinks whites in America were all belligerents and anti-minorities. I just wanted to show that this is not really accurate and it offends people like me who don't want to be grouped into that, but I get annoyed because I get grouped into that anyway then I don't want to help other people. But anyway, assuming he believes that everyone has "bad intentions" I thought it would be helpful to try to say this is part hate but not all hate but also ignorance or apathy that causes ignorant beliefs. That doesn't really change the outcome much but the intentions are not all horrible for everyone, I thought this would help in some way, helping him understand the mindset that people have is not always informed and is sometimes ignorant rather than purposefully hateful.



I appreciate your perspective, and understand the annoyance of being grouped without regard for individuality. For example, I'm Hispanic/Latino, yet deep down inside of myself, I feel "raceless". Given how I was raised (and that Hispanic/Latino culture was non-existent in my home), I feel like a mind in a body that just happens to be perceived a particular race. Does that make sense?

Since he's a feeler like myself, he's disposed to allow his emotions drive him mad. Like I told another person in this thread, I believe he's tormented over the emotion of "anger" he has toward White America than he does with White America itself.


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## Lady Isla (Feb 20, 2015)

He's angry because they are middle class and comfortable? That's called envy.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Lady Isla said:


> He's angry because they are middle class and comfortable? That's called envy.


Why would it be envy? He's just as middle class and comfortable as they are (though I felt such information was irrelevant, initially).


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## Sourpuss (Aug 9, 2014)

Tell him to go on a vacation in Russia. He'll gain a new perspective.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Sourpuss said:


> Tell him to go on a vacation in Russia. He'll gain a new perspective.


Why so?


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## Sourpuss (Aug 9, 2014)

Realeros said:


> Why so?


He'll gain a new perspective.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Sourpuss said:


> He'll gain a new perspective.


And what might that perspective be? An explanation would help.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Eh, you do know that most poor people in the US are white, right?


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Dead Poodle said:


> Eh, you do know that most poor people in the US are white, right?


This isn't about me. This is about my friend. Besides, like I told another person, he's as middle class and comfortable as most White Americans. He's more so concerned with how a large of them demean minorities and assert superiority.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Realeros said:


> This isn't about me. This is about my friend. Besides, like I told another person, he's as middle class and comfortable as most White Americans. He's more so concerned with how a large of them demean minorities and assert superiority.


It's human nature to dislike those we perceive as being "outsiders", or people not from our own "group", and we usually feel WE are correct, and the outsiders are not, regardless of what the truth may be.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Dead Poodle said:


> It's human nature to dislike those we perceive as being "outsiders", or people not from our own "group".


Demeaning others and asserting superiority is part of human nature? Perhaps for lower-animals (e.g., monkeys), but human beings have the capacity to move beyond instinct with conscious discipline as has been demonstrated by the great thinkers and activists of history.
Now, I'm not interested in debate, but help for my friend. If you can provide help, I'll appreciate it.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Realeros said:


> Demeaning others and asserting superiority is part of human nature? Perhaps for lower-animals (e.g., monkeys), but human beings have the capacity to move beyond instinct with conscious discipline as has been demonstrated by the great thinkers and activists of history.
> Now, I'm not interested in debate, but help for my friend. If you can provide help, I'll appreciate it.


You're putting words in my mouth. I meant exactly what I said, and I said nothing about being demeaning/superior.

Tell your friend to stop being demeaning and feeling superior to those who demean and feel superior to minorities. The only way to get over it is to accept it as part of life.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Dead Poodle said:


> You're putting words in my mouth. I meant exactly what I said, and I said nothing about being demeaning/superior.
> 
> Tell your friend to stop being demeaning and feeling superior to those who demean and feel superior to minorities. The only way to get over it is to accept it as part of life.


I never put any words in your mouth. I simply reconstructed your statement as to comment on it (it's a matter of rhetoric). And how did you get the idea that he is demeaning and feels superior to White America? Now that's putting words into another person's mouth. Get over it and accept it? If he's right (and he's partially right given the racism that is practice by a segment of White America), following your advice would be counter-productive to his well-being.

Once again, I'm here for advice for my friend, and not a debate. If you have no interest in helping him without putting words in his mouth, and assuming things that aren't true, I'll be blunt: fuck off.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

Realeros said:


> I never put any words in your mouth. I simply reconstructed your statement as to comment on it (it's a matter of rhetoric). And how did you get the idea that he is demeaning and feels superior to White America? Now that's putting words into another person's mouth. Get over it and accept it? If he's right (and he's partially right given the racism that is practice by a segment of White America), following your advice would be counter-productive to his well-being.
> 
> Once again, I'm here for advice for my friend, and not a debate. If you have no interest in helping him without putting words in his mouth, and assuming things that aren't true, I'll be blunt: fuck off.


Lol dude read everything you've said. Good luck with your disability!


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Dead Poodle said:


> Lol dude read everything you've said. Good luck with your disability!


I appreciate the intelligence in your comment  Have a good day/night.


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## Sourpuss (Aug 9, 2014)

Realeros said:


> And what might that perspective be? An explanation would help.


That things could be worse and that the society he lives in isn't so bad by comparison. His slights are surely imagined anyway.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Sourpuss said:


> That things could be worse and that the society he lives in isn't so bad by comparison. His slights are surely imagined anyway.


Just because things can be worse doesn't mean the life he lives "isn't so bad". The fact that he needs help overcoming anger would be the same in either the U.S. or Russia. 

And it isn't wise to assume "his slights are surely imagined". His anger has a basis supported by evidence: anecdotal articles of police brutality against African-Americans, for example. Like I told another person, I'm looking to help my friend, and not debate. If you're more interested in debate, this thread isn't for you; but thank you for your time anyways.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

You're friend is merely going through the motions of acknowledging that a lot of America is afraid to confront it's past and present.
Show him inspiring people like this.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Wellsy said:


> You're friend is merely going through the motions of acknowledging that a lot of America is afraid to confront it's past and present.
> Show him inspiring people like this.


I'll definitely show my friend this video! Thank you for it. Not to sound strange, but it's been quite interesting seeing my friend in this state or "go through these motions" seeing he's my type (or an INFP, which is similar superficially). I'm kind of learning about myself and what I could potentially go through by observing him.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

I'm not sure if this would help, but something he needs to understand is that White America lives in a sort of "bubble." Most white people may not even be aware that racism towards minorities exists on a widespread, societal level. We're implicitly taught that racism ended in the 60s and everything is okay now when it's really not. It's not the fault of any single white person alive today, really, but rather we've just inherited a lot of racial baggage. I like to think that most white people (including myself) are well-intentioned, but simply don't realize how they come off or the injustices that are still happening. And they deny it because they just can't see it (or refuse to see it) and want to keep up the illusion that everything is fine. (And obviously some are worse than others. It's just that racism in America isn't limited to some KKK members perpetrating hate crimes every once in a while.)


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

Thank you to everyone who replied to this thread! I've learned a lot from what all of you (except those who just wanted to argue points) had to say when it comes to helping my friend, so let me provide a summary of what I believe all you got "to": 

My friend is an INFJ (or INFP) who's allowed his anger to influence his views when in fact he's aware of it, and yet feels ashamed and hopeless to combat it. Perhaps he should learn to practice mindfulness in order to control it. He should also take into account the unfounded perceptions White America makes toward minorities as being signs of ignorance rather than of informed aggression.

What has particularly interested me is the notion that his anger is more so instinctual in nature, and stemming from a traumatic experience of some sort (as such emotions tend to require guidance rather than "just getting through it").

He'll probably hate me for having made this thread, but whatever. He needs help, and will get over it as he's too nice to hate anyone for too long (can't say the same for myself hahah). 

Once again, thank you to those who truly helped!


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## SamTheMediocre (Mar 7, 2013)

Realeros said:


> Great insight! He does have a logical predisposition against his own racism, and to make my point clear, he's stated he has the knowledge to be a kind person (but his anger prevents him from doing so). Would you be shocked to hear he's only been this way for 2-3 years? Before those years, he was a cool and stable guy (known for having a monk-like demeanor). His first love was a white female! Can you believe it?
> I have hope in him, though. When do we typically hear of racist who wants to overcome it? I believe he deserves the help/advice.
> 
> Could you go deeper into what you said about the logical disposition and the dark instinctual association?


Sorry it's taken so long to reply, Anyways here's what I meant. People's minds operate on two levels. You have the highly developed neo-cortex of the brain. It's where language, logic, and other advanced cognitive functions take place. It's our processor as humans in a manner of speaking. That said, underneath we have the lower mammalian brain. It's connected with learned behaviors, instincts, memories, life functions, and basic flight or fight nervous responses. The more primitive area of the brain also controls associations in terms of basic good and bad judgments. It's your gut feeling so to speak. I wouldn't call his instinctual associations dark so much as I would call them primitive. Humans have a high desire for empathetic communication. We want to connect and try to do so most often with those who are like ourselves. When you're six years old, you don't pick a friend because he has interesting ideas and a different world view than you do. You make that person your friend because they too love dinosaurs and power rangers. That most basic connection is made based on similarities. As a result, when people see someone who has something unfamiliar or a strange trait, they tend to be nervous around them. This is the root of all xenophobia. If you want to help your friend, find the traits that he most associates as being a bad part of white americans. What you'll then have to prove, and prove repeatedly over a long period of time, is that these are just stereotypes, and that it's an inaccurate assessment. You need to make him feel like these are bad judgments. Once the emotional connection is made, then a connection between the lower brain and neo-cortex can be made. It is through these connections that he will begin to change. The psyche is affected by the pathways in our brain. He needs to develop connections between the positive hope he has of becoming more accepting, and the feelings of community, safety, and comfort that must go along with that idea. It's a long, arduous process that may fail. That said, if he and those around him are committed to help him, it's very possible that he will overcome his racism. Best of luck, feel free to ask more questions if you have them.

Sam.


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## Realeros (Mar 5, 2015)

SamTheMediocre said:


> Sorry it's taken so long to reply, Anyways here's what I meant. People's minds operate on two levels. You have the highly developed neo-cortex of the brain. It's where language, logic, and other advanced cognitive functions take place. It's our processor as humans in a manner of speaking. That said, underneath we have the lower mammalian brain. It's connected with learned behaviors, instincts, memories, life functions, and basic flight or fight nervous responses. The more primitive area of the brain also controls associations in terms of basic good and bad judgments. It's your gut feeling so to speak. I wouldn't call his instinctual associations dark so much as I would call them primitive. Humans have a high desire for empathetic communication. We want to connect and try to do so most often with those who are like ourselves. When you're six years old, you don't pick a friend because he has interesting ideas and a different world view than you do. You make that person your friend because they too love dinosaurs and power rangers. That most basic connection is made based on similarities. As a result, when people see someone who has something unfamiliar or a strange trait, they tend to be nervous around them. This is the root of all xenophobia. If you want to help your friend, find the traits that he most associates as being a bad part of white americans. What you'll then have to prove, and prove repeatedly over a long period of time, is that these are just stereotypes, and that it's an inaccurate assessment. You need to make him feel like these are bad judgments. Once the emotional connection is made, then a connection between the lower brain and neo-cortex can be made. It is through these connections that he will begin to change. The psyche is affected by the pathways in our brain. He needs to develop connections between the positive hope he has of becoming more accepting, and the feelings of community, safety, and comfort that must go along with that idea. It's a long, arduous process that may fail. That said, if he and those around him are committed to help him, it's very possible that he will overcome his racism. Best of luck, feel free to ask more questions if you have them.
> 
> Sam.


No worries about being late. 

Once again, amazing insights. I think I'm going to go with your advice in addition to getting him to practice mindfulness and/or meditation, but would you mind summarizing your statement into a statement or two? It'd allow me to infer a plan for him.


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## SamTheMediocre (Mar 7, 2013)

Realeros said:


> No worries about being late.
> 
> Once again, amazing insights. I think I'm going to go with your advice in addition to getting him to practice mindfulness and/or meditation, but would you mind summarizing your statement into a statement or two? It'd allow me to infer a plan for him.


Sure thing, here's my thoughts in brief

The most likely root of his problem is a combination of a bad experience, people in his environment sharing negative opinions of white people, and his instinctual/subconscious desire to validate the opinions of those he surrounds himself with. 

Since the problem is ingrained into the illogical part of the brain, logic and conscious though won't solve the problem. You have to create scenarios where he will have positive interactions with white people. Interactions where he will have fun and feel positive emotions. This along with a conscious desire to make things better will help create new neural pathways that will, at least in theory, lead his brain to a more neutral, if not a positive response to white americans when he sees and interacts with him. It won't happen over night. It takes time, especially if he's over 25. The brain is fully developed by then, and so changes in neural pathways are more difficult to make. If he's under 25, now's your best chance. In the words of Ed Murrow, "Goodnight, and Good luck."


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## IIIIII (Oct 2, 2013)

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*Undercover Racism*

Undercover Racism. - Democratic Underground

Your friend probably sees people and the situation for what it is,  undercover racism is still blatantly apparent in our society, the worst part is the people that try to cover up their racist views, behind having black friends and not using the N word and such in public, for instance , take one of the favorite things racist Hispanics(you mentioned being Hispanic earlier) say about black people is that they stink all the time (you know being called a stink bug and such) and tend to have a sense of being better or higher on the totem pole then everyone else around (elitism), but remember none of this is being racist, as long as you don't insult them publicly by calling them a miate to their face, the reason i'm relating this to being Hispanic is that it might be easier to see where i'm coming from with this so please don't take it personally.

https://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/do-the-races-smell-different/


Also, a lot can be said about the various entities that quietly enforce undercover racism, for instance take this for example https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Establishment, this also includes people from government agencies like the FBI that abuse their power and target civilians that have not done anything wrong, by using such things as Cointel pro to target them and flooding the Black community with drugs, in addition to setting people up for things they did not do. I know this may seem like i'm kinda reaching, but i'm just trying to illustrate that people such as this , who were already sick in the first place, get into agencies such as these and abuse their power to further their own undercover racist agenda.

To further comment on undercover racism with a story,

I once knew a Black person that knew a white family for many years, publicly they were die hard liberals that came from rather conservative(republicans) back grounds prior to becoming liberals. One day the black person fell on hard times and the son who the black guy new for many years "helped" him out by offering him a job as his moms personal assistant. As time went on the Black persons position became worse, and he pretty much ended up losing his house and becoming homeless (the black person in question was a middle class male working in the tech industry). The Caucasian family ended up trying to "help" him out, however thanks to a change in circumstances the black man went from being a personal assistant which is a*personal assistant or personal aide (PA) personal secretary (PS) is someone who assists in daily business or personal tasks* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_assistant

*to an indentured servant *which he told me that he was referred to as in front of another one of their Caucasian business acquaintances 

Africans in America | Part 1 | Narrative | From Indentured Servitude to Racial Slavery

Their son the one which he knew for quite some time even began to act like his supposed to be friend was a" personal buttler" to attend to his privileged needs. I mean even at his wedding it really seemed kinda weird that his black friends were not invited to the actual ceremony, but instead were only allowed to show up to the reception afterwards. The Black man saw one of his friends from back in the day that knew the son as well, and he pretty much declined to go because he felt somewhat discriminated against by this arrangement.

They put the person in so much of an awkward situation living in that environment that they nearly had a nervous break down and pretty much began to suffer from depression, the worst part was he could not just give them the finger and leave because he had no where else to go. There is so much more I could talk about in regards to this subject, but I will digress at this point.

If you look at it pretty much sounds like the modern day version of 12 Years a Slave, they come to you as friends, but in the end they sell you into slavery and put you in chains, and simply because you are Black society will ignore what is happening as long as the perpetrator is an upstanding member of society with lots of dollars to back up their position. Modern day slavery is still a fact, and the truth of the matter is that there are plenty of Caucasians out there that will do this sort of thing to minorities all the time. I guess its true there is always room for you in the Big House right?


The main point i'm trying to say is how can you say that your Black Friends animosity towards the actions that undercover racist Caucasians do all the time is unwarranted or based on deep seated issues.. Maybe we should be trying to address the cause of the problem in the first place, instead of trying to convince the African American male in question that this situation is acceptable.

_Excerpt from the documentary Hidden Colors 3

Hidden Colors 3 Rules of Racism Rule 1 Make it hard to define racism_


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