# Attracting you. Attracted to you.



## defragmybrain (Jul 16, 2009)

Dear NT's,
I both hate, and incredibly love you. I have a love affair with your mentality. Both in how i need it, and how i wanna be it. They say that with the right guy you have to both appreciate/admire him as well as let him balance you out. NT's, you do exactly that for me.

Pattern of NT men in my life, a recap:

INTP ex - tortured soul very almanac-y jack of all trades depressed and reserved
ISTJ ex- indifferent happy living in his own bubble content structured organized antisocial
INTJ ex- thinks he's the shit secretly, hates people, loves his privacy and his morals
ENTP romantic interest- happy go lucky, quirky, analytical, sympathetic
INTP (dad) - brooding, undecisive, antisocial, trying to explore possibilities, noncommunicative

What I love:

the way you think you know what's best for me
the structure and order you bring when i dont have it
the concerns for my future you bring up when i need it most
the random factoids that are so important to you are so endearing

What I hate:

how you patronize me
how you're so antisocial! i want to go out, do things, see people. you don't.
how you use your intellect as a way to make me look dumb when trying to communicate
how there is NO sense of emotion in what you say


How do i quit you?


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## Molock (Mar 10, 2010)

I have bad news. Once you've experienced some NT it is impossible to quit. You can try to avoid us for a while but you'll inevitably come back.

:mellow:


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Molock said:


> I have bad news. Once you've experienced some NT it is impossible to quit. You can try to avoid us for a while but you'll inevitably come back.
> 
> :mellow:


I've found this to be true. :dry: Here is my pattern:
I become attracted to an NT because he's smart, interesting and quirky like I am. 
He understands what I am saying, and I understand what he is saying.
He isn't used to being understood or having someone who will laugh at his obscure jokes. 
He thinks I am similar to him.
We get into a serious relationship where each of us is the other's primary social contact.
(Walling ourselves up in an isolated location is optional, but usually happens at some point)
We have deep discussions almost constantly.
We start to argue a little bit over linguistics.
We start to argue moderately over random philosophical topics that aren't terribly important to either of us.
We start to argue a lot over incompatible values or differing ideas about what is ideal, but try to pass off our differences as being about definitions.
We find out that our differences are deeper than we are pretending when someone does something that reflects the extent of those differences, which influence every area of our lives, including our attitudes, behaviors and choices.
We start to argue even more about how we want to be treated/treat the other, what the rules and boundaries are for the relationship, what we need from the relationship, and how to go about achieving a compromise.
We negotiate endlessly without reaching a resolution that actually works.
Despite our efforts to overcome, it becomes evident that when one of us is getting his or her needs met, the other is having his or her needs trampled on. This happens because our needs are mutually exclusive and opposed to each other. 
We break up, often on semi-friendly terms, with some regret.
I go into my anti-NT mode where I swear I'll never date another one.
I find another NT who seems like he'll be the exception.
I can't help but become attracted.
Repeat.


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## L'Empereur (Jun 7, 2010)

You are too kind. :bored:


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## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

Stay away from areas where intelligent people gather.


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## Quin Sabe (Jan 26, 2010)

How do you quit NT's? that's simple shoot heroine, soon enough you'll be winged of the our powerful stuff. 
Seriously it's cool, just insult us and be dogmatic and we'll leave you alone, or try to kill you, hmm, best bet just go to parties and leave coffee shops and libraries alone, and if you do run into an entp, just start being annoying and/or try the above, and we'll disappear.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

no sense of emotion.. what does that even mean?


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## Roman (Jul 6, 2010)

defragmybrain said:


> [*]INTJ ex- thinks he's the shit secretly, hates people, loves his privacy and his morals


Hold on... An INTJ that's _secretive_ about thinking he's superior??? 

I have two ESFP friends and I love them. We clash very often, but we also have our good moments too. I have noticed that ESFP's are strangely attracted to me... I find this interesting. They feed my need for adventure... they give me this and MORE. Sometimes their crazy habits can be too overwhelming. But most of the times, I'm so ready to do crazy shit with them. My ESFP would follow me into hell and back and collect souvenirs on the way. I love that about him. So how do you quit us NT's? My answer is, don't. I personally like you guys.


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## Mendelevium (Jan 16, 2010)

Just be highly emotional and we'll be freaked out. No, seriously. In addition, you may be able to practice gradual distancing. 

In theory. I think. 

EDIT: Well, ESFP's are interesting. If they left, I would have no one to entertain me and drag me out of my 'scientific purist' mode.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

Talk to them about deep feelings, they'll run for the hills


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## Radiant Flux (May 7, 2010)

I'm reminded of a quote. Once you go black, you can never go back. I suppose it's the same for NT's, but without the rhyming.

I don't see how you think us to be emotionless [on the outside altleast]. I smile sometimes! And I smirk quite often. So there.


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## Mendelevium (Jan 16, 2010)

Radiant Flux said:


> I'm reminded of a quote. Once you go black, you can never go back. I suppose it's the same for NT's, but without the rhyming.
> 
> I don't see how you think us to be emotionless [on the outside altleast]. I smile sometimes! And I smirk quite often. So there.


I agree. Most of the time I give the impression of being like Spock on crack. I smile very much, generally act floaty/happy-go-lucky, and stare at random things strangely, but once I open my mouth, every human within a five meter radius will evacuate the premises immediately. 

It's like they're allergic or something. :mellow:


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## SomeRandomGuy18 (Aug 18, 2010)

Apollo Celestio said:


> no sense of emotion.. what does that even mean?


What's emotion? I'm confused. :tongue:


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## minavanhelsing (Aug 31, 2010)

Hmm...Maybe your experience only applies to NT men, but as an INTJ female, I _have_ emotions; I'm just very self-conscious about expressing them in a romantic situation.

A word of advice: be supportive when your NT expresses an emotion. Smile or give them a hug to show that you value this super-rare occasion and appreciate the fact that it was an achievement for them. Don't expect an "I love you, too" every time you say "I love you". If we smile or rub your arm in response, that might be our way of saying it.

Once again, I'm not sure how this applies to guys or to ENTs, but for INTs, I think it can help clear up some confusion and anxiety in relationships.


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## TheStory (Sep 17, 2010)

Radiant Flux said:


> I'm reminded of a quote. Once you go black, you can never go back. I suppose it's the same for NT's, but without the rhyming.
> 
> I don't see how you think us to be emotionless [on the outside altleast]. I smile sometimes! And I smirk quite often. So there.


Heh heh. Too true My girlfriend says I have a "shit eating grin" like I'm up to no good or just being a jack ass. I have really emotional moments though besides displaying pride or small pleasure. Those happen when I geek out or have a strong opinion. At that point you cant get me to shut up, if you can get me there in the first place.

As for the theme of this thread in general... keep going, stroke my ego. I'll sit back and listen.


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## Trainwreck (Sep 14, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> Stay away from areas where intelligent people gather.


Lol, you mean like this forum?


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

defragmybrain said:


> What I love:
> 
> the way you think you know what's best for me
> 
> ...


Make up your mind lady.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

tine said:


> Talk to them about deep feelings, they'll run for the hills


Or make us contemplate and try to find logic behind it. Some of us are really that bored to look for logic where there appears to be none.

Were not all bad. True we may talk with little emotion(a possible reason why I might lose my job:laughing but it not like we don't have any. I myself have almost shed a tear at the end of some very sad animes and shows. But usually not very comfortable doing so around others or myself. If no one was there including myself I would have maybe cried. Not all of us are out to make you or anyone else look stupid. We might do so as a defense mechanism but... I am not really helping our cause am I. I am not a very smart NT:laughing:

I guess the best way to give up on us is to find another addiction. But that could back fire since I am addicted to both soda, video games, and other things I rather not mention even though they are common among geeks. Point is one addiction or habit doesn't always cancel each other out instead sometimes adds to the pile.

Good luck on what ever you end up deciding to do.


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## Hyphen (Oct 11, 2010)

minavanhelsing said:


> Hmm...Maybe your experience only applies to NT men, but as an INTJ female, I _have_ emotions; I'm just very self-conscious about expressing them in a romantic situation.
> 
> A word of advice: be supportive when your NT expresses an emotion. Smile or give them a hug to show that you value this super-rare occasion and appreciate the fact that it was an achievement for them. Don't expect an "I love you, too" every time you say "I love you". If we smile or rub your arm in response, that might be our way of saying it.
> 
> Once again, I'm not sure how this applies to guys or to ENTs, but for INTs, I think it can help clear up some confusion and anxiety in relationships.


Oi!

My is an INTP, and he is as solid as stone. He can see a pink kitty curled up in a ball of pain, flip out his mobile and start to beat his score at Pac-Man. Despite this, he somehow has reserved a private bucket of deep love for his little sister, and has little restraint in showing it. It's a very grande bucket too.

Applied to ENTP's, such as myself, I have no problems to be a frecuent hug-bomb to anyone as long as I have very clear that it's socially acceptable to be so, if not, I'm just tickling with bubbles to express myself somehow.


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## Morto Che Parla (Oct 4, 2010)

Radiant Flux said:


> I'm reminded of a quote. Once you go black, you can never go back.


If only the stereotype were the same in the NT case. I'd just take my print out of the mbti test whenever going out. XD


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## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

They're not necessarily trying to make you feel dumb with their intellect any more than _you _are trying to make _them _feel like damaged, inadequate, autistic social retards by criticising how they express emotion slash insisting that they don't.


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## LostInMyOwnMind (May 5, 2010)

Want to quit them? Ask them why they like you, god I hate questions like that.

BTW I'm not depressed, just becasue we don't walk around with a smile on our face all the time doesn't mean we aren't happy, nobody get's that.


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## darksoul (Jul 17, 2010)

defragmybrain said:


> [*]how there is NO sense of emotion in what you say


my ISFJ best friend tells me that all the time. but i don't get it though... :mellow:


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## Unbekannt (Sep 27, 2010)

snail said:


> I've found this to be true. :dry: Here is my pattern:
> I become attracted to an NT because he's smart, interesting and quirky like I am.
> He understands what I am saying, and I understand what he is saying.
> He isn't used to being understood or having someone who will laugh at his obscure jokes.
> ...


Everything up to the line I added has happened to me so far, with an INFP girl. I thought she was similar to me, but we clearly don't share interests or moral values.


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