# Jaded/Burned Out NFs



## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

How do you think NFs become jaded and what do they look like?


My mom tested as an INFJ, but I just couldn't see her as an Idealist at all until I took into account her past. She does have a ferocious streak in her wanting to help the underdog, but years of emotional turmoil that has been untreated has led her to be extremely suspicious of everyone and to over react to everything.

Do you know any jaded NFs?


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## moon (Nov 29, 2008)

Being an NF of the INFP variety I can only speak for myself & maybe some of that type. I don't relate to many INFPs on this board anymore & it made me question my type, but I fully relate to the definition of the word jaded. There are posts specifically about INFPs becoming cynical from not meeting their ideal whatevers, or realizing they are unattainable. I think. Something like that. Ideals are supposed to be really important to INFPs, members have said again and again. I guess I have some ideals but none that I strongly believe in. I'm a pretty realistic INFP, sometimes I am cynical but I more so feel bored, worn out & spent, apathetic. I don't really know how to answer your question 'cause I'm not sure of the exact reason I feel the way I do other than not all NFs are created equal & this is my personality, perhaps? I know a couple other NFs like me. What do you mean by what do they look like? Do you think jaded NFs will look physically different than other NFs of their type?


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## obz900 (Mar 29, 2010)

I could see this happening. Like the above post said, this is what happens when an NF's values are crushed. Idk much about the other types, but INFPs are sometimes thought of as really optimistic and dreamy when in reality, many I've met are cynical and pessimistic.


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

moon said:


> What do you mean by what do they look like? Do you think jaded NFs will look physically different than other NFs of their type?



No, I mean how do their personalities differ from the more common NF profile.


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

I think NFs become jaded when reality does not correspond to their internal values system and they don't adapt to it very well. Instead of embracing reality and accepting it they continue living by the values system they built up inside and judging reality to be unacceptable. This would create all kinds of internal stress and bad emotions. The person can give up on the world, judge it to be "evil" and "bad" because of such negative emotions towards it. The reality does not care and will just keep on violating your value system of course. If person is introverted that can cause them to pull away from the "evil" world and instead live in their own dream world away from everyone else. Something like that 

Personalities - they probably have negative views on the world and people overall, they become more paranoid and cautious and more withdrawn, they can start to suppress their feelings and instead amplify their thinking function and become more cruel to other people not being able to sympathize with their emotions now, they will stop caring about other people so much, empathy will probably be decreased, can drop associations with friends and relations and always seem aloof


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## chaseut (Feb 10, 2010)

Years of working in a large corporate environment is getting me there. I've seen, heard, and experienced things that you cannot believe. 

Either I find a way to coup with it, or jaded, broken, and bitter will be my final outcome.

Great thread by the way.


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## kaycee (May 18, 2010)

vel said:


> Personalities - they probably have negative views on the world and people overall, they become more paranoid and cautious and more withdrawn, they can start to suppress their feelings and instead amplify their thinking function and become more cruel to other people not being able to sympathize with their emotions now, they will stop caring about other people so much, empathy will probably be decreased, can drop associations with friends and relations and always seem aloof


This is my mom to a T. She is obviously VERY F, but has no idea how to deal with it so she chooses to lash out and then withdraw. She is extremely cautious with who she lets in and is suspicious of everyone who comes in contact with her or her family. She clings very, very tightly to my dad and myself because she has already let us in and refuses to let us go.

She seems to DO a lot more when she sees someone being picked on though. I think that comes from her sense of needing to fight the injustices that occurred in her life (and her NF), but she does it in a VERY confrontational way. She's not afraid of a fight.


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## Molock (Mar 10, 2010)

I was going to post my personal experience but I don't think it would be appropriate. I just have to say that I am overcome with apathy and my empathy is severely blunted. I am self-centered in a way and stuck in my own world. Vel is right when she says that we might see the world as "evil". I catch myself casting vile judgement all the time. Anyway...

Since I discovered MBTI and psychology in general I've been making slow progress. Vel was correct, I was mainly using my thinking functions for a long time. I only recently realized that I fit the INFP type and not INTP. I do think that the two main symptoms of a jaded NF are apathy (which causes a blunting of emotions and empathy) and withdrawal from reality.


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## Blackbeard (Mar 13, 2010)

I agree with Molock. My "large capacity for caring" was replaced with indifference. I'm much more of a cynic than I use to be, but still know not to step on peoples toes when I do decide to open my mouth. Over the past like 3 months I have noticed that I have become detached from society further making me want to be a recluse and alone. I still manage to do what I have to like school, and work but if I'm not doing either of those I would spend my free time alone rather than hanging out with people. Passion is thrown out of the window, doing something that once brought me peace now feels like a chore. I think the reason I struggle with this change so much is because I don't really want to be this way, because I am not as happy.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

i went through a spell like this where i abandoned my values, yadyyadyyah.. amplified my Te function and basically acted like bit of an asshole (compared to my normal standard). it wasn't TERRIBLE but i probably didn't reach my potential in interactions after i changed. usually this is when something shocking and negative happens (or a series of events) that makes you mistrust intuition and feeling.
the point is that this is a defense mechanism for NFs, and we're likely to be a little retracted in the way we live while in this mode, especially with opportunities. you start to ridicule all the ideals you had before as naive, without realising that while there are some weaknesses, there are more strengths to come from the natural NF personality.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

I think years of stumbling and bumbling through life with almost no one to share with or do things with have made me pathologically lonely and suspicious of people and relationships. I'll never really understand people, no matter how much I may need them.


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## Linus (Apr 27, 2010)

I wonder how many hermits there are here.. :mellow:


*raises hand*


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## Flute (May 26, 2010)

I read somewhere recently - can't recall where - that "a cynic is just a disappointed idealist."

It's very easy for NFs to become cynical, I think. I'm definitely pretty cynical and jaded myself. I withdraw and keep to myself and a handful of people close to me because I can't deal with the world and the people in it. I was hurt a lot by people so now I keep most of them out and I'm suspicious of just about everyone. I was always pretty idealistic and I wanted to see the best in people and the world, but after getting disappointed and slammed over and over I couldn't deal with it anymore. It's just a little too much for me. So I stay in my own little world. That's why I like fiction so much, I think. It's not the real world. I can't really handle the real world.


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## Cinnamon (May 28, 2010)

I agree. The world is so different to what I imagine most NFs want, that it can break them very easily. Feeling utturly worthless and mundane could do this to them, and also the cynicism they develop from past experiences. 'Jaded' is a very good word to describe this, I can relate to it. In order to cope with the real world, I have to forget things and pretend everything's going to be okay. To me, depression is realism, without attempting or feeling able to laugh it off. Nothing will ever be the way I want it to be, so to carry on, I must fake an amount of optimism. Do most idealists do this? I expect so. The type of person you described is the type of person who has no faith left in anything whatsoever.


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## GreenCoyote (Nov 2, 2009)

I relate to your mother and I am only 21.

I already feel emotional burnt out.
and it gets more draining everyday.

it helps that my own personal fantasies about life have started coming into fruition thanks to my friend circle. having my own little heaven on earth is kind of a nice thing.


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## katerp (Apr 26, 2010)

vel - Spot on with your description: cynicism, increased use of T as a defense mechanism for an F function that has been thoroughly abused, and withdrawal from people and aspects of society that have have thus far proved only to be a disappointment. The telltale signs of a jaded NF.

I can relate to what people have said in this thread about becoming jaded. I had trouble relating to the optimistic, almost hippie-ish stereotype of INFPs because reality forces you to be different (maybe in a pure environment made up of only INFPs and ideal conditions INFPs would be optimist hippies, but not in this world). Even to the average person the world can be a very cold and unforgiving place and it can be hard to find a place in it. To an NF who starts off with big dreams of an idealized world it can years of mourning the loss of your ideals and learning to accept the world as it is before you can even fathom searching for your place in it - so yes, it is very easy for NFs to burn out. It's not even that we are burned out because of what the world has done to us. We become jaded just by seeing what the world _is_, that the lives we idealized contradict the realities of society. I know I used to have big dreams of creating a better world - and then I grew up and realized that a big chunk of our society is composed of the bastards who fucked up the world for the rest of us in the first place. As much as we want it to the world will not get better because most of the people in it (especially the people with the power to make the most difference) do not want it to change. The key is learning to put that fact behind you and not let it keep you from finding pieces of this world to enjoy.

Like this forum. roud:


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## Linus (Apr 27, 2010)

I think if your focus is on external things.. especially expecting people to change to fit what you want, then you're definitely going to make yourself unhappy
You don't need to go that way

I'm burnt out too but it's sort of made me more adamant in getting my dream life
There's no reason to give up
You just have to fix the direction you're going, you can only change yourself


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