# Are you bothered by eye contact?



## timeless (Mar 20, 2010)

Only if their eyeball is directly touching my eyeball.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

timeless said:


> Only if their eyeball is directly touching my eyeball.


Thank you for answering the question without injecting some form of unsolicited commentary on perceived social norms.

And I mean that.


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

It changes for me; how I'm feeling at the time, the person, how the person is at the time, the context etc There are good friends I find it difficult to hold heavy eye contact with, often the lighter SF types, NFs however are wonderful to be all googly eyed with. I'm not just applying it to MBTI, it sort've fits with the feel of the person naturally, running with that division, or at least the vibe I percieve to come with the different function combinations. Thinkers...it varies alot more. - They're a little more intense in that aspect I find...Something in them is...more direct in the eye...I guess...

When I can get into a good discussion with the right thinker - and not feel on edge, tired, or intimidated, the eye contact generally starts happening. I remeber I was talking to a guy and then realised I'd not looked away from him for a full minute or so and still felt comfortable and it felt wonderful to be so connected, even though it wasn't a scary amount of intimacy, or intimacy itself really, just a sort've connection.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

*Eye contact hurts my ears.*


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## Enkidu (Apr 19, 2010)

sprinkles said:


> No, that sounds like you have a good sense of awareness. You look to get cues and look away when it becomes intrusive or uncomfortable.
> 
> I'm talking about the points where it becomes intrusive or uncomfortable. Not this stuff where people make it seem like you should be locked on like some kind of psychopath, as you put it. People neglect to say that _they don't actually do that_ and it's because eye contact can be uncomfortable.
> 
> So I see it as an inaccurate hindsight view where people place importance on eye contact while disregarding the subtle play that goes on in a conversation. You don't just stare at people - there is nuance to it.


Right, that's my feeling on it. Eye contact is very important especially for introverted types who convey or hide most of their emotions through/in their eyes. For this very reason, it becomes difficult for some to maintain because it seems probing, or a sense of imbalance occurs. The eyes and face are the predominant tools of communication in a conversation while the verbal exchange simply keeps the ball rolling. 

Body language, or in this case eye contact, gives me away the most in exchanges in which I don't want to be present. Anxiousness or a sense of hurry coupled with neglecting to maintain focus on the conversation will in turn make me seem aloof or uninterested. 

Just as sprinkles mentioned, staring isn't the issue: it's how much actually goes into body language that is so tiring and complicated


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## lantern (Feb 15, 2010)

I feel the need to expand on my post. I not just look into people's eyes but their whole face and body language...(women have a wider peripheral vision). I'm looking at the emotions displayed in the person's face but it's the eyes that I don't have a problem looking into...yes it is being aware of the other person. And no way would I want to make another person feel uncomfortable!


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## Dreamer (Feb 5, 2010)

I don't look at ANYONE in the eye. Only my mum. I still have to overcome it. Sometimes they trick me and say 'i'll look away'. But then they look back and laugh at me. I don't find it funny *rollseyes*. They abuse my trust! I trust too much :angry:
I just don't like looking people in the eye often because when I look at people in the eye it looks like they are trying to get at me and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Especially nasty people or people in authority or people that are strong natured people. If they are more down to earth, it will take a while to look at them. But I may eventually will. I hate it when I have tried in the past and it looks like they want to rip my heart out or something! it's incredibly hard for me to look at people. I get incorrectly labled as a snob sometimes. It's annoying. When I look people in the eyes I have the most overwhelming sense of fear. I just can't do it. It makes me less likely to talk or say anything to them if I look at them either. I don't know how i'm going to handle it when i meet my role model one day (sig says all...). I don't want to spoilt my chances by just sitting there saying nothing and looking down. Sigh

Also, when I look at peoples eyes. It's like they are saying things to my heart. It's hard to explain it properly (I suck at explaining). But eyes can say soo much. Ever been bullied at school by just death stares or a smug grin? then you'll understand


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## silverlined (Jul 8, 2009)

When I want to connect or deepen an existing connection with someone, I love eye contact. But boy I am aware of its intensity . Sometimes it can be overwhelming (and I'll have to look away), even if it is in a pleasant way. Eye contact doesn't have to be a hard intimidating stare, sometimes it can be a soft dreamy gaze, and if it's wanted, it feels great.
It all depends on the context though. If I don't want to connect with someone, I'm indifferent with eye contact and don't really want it. But somehow it's less scary because there's less meaning in it for me and just less intensity.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

I've always look at a person straight in their eyes. The more they feel awkward, the more I gave them the deeper look.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

It's sort of an automatic thing for me. I don't think about it unless I well, ..think about it. I don't really know what I do... but I don't get offended or anything, and many have not complained at me about it. I'm probably better off.


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## DarklyValentine (Mar 4, 2010)

Sure why not. I melon scoup em from the sockets and place them on my mantelpiece as ornaments...should they offend me or i take a sine to them.

*wait wicked thats what your friend says and keeps em in jam jars...she shall reamin nameless 
*coughs goodewitch - she really doth ask her

Hmm eye contact hmm 2nd one ive no understood this eve
Eye-balling for eyeballing sake
or looking to see what is in existence before thee
or avoiding that which is there save someone who you prepare to look harder

_* look it makes sense to me

wtf a sine wicked surely you meant shine
_


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## waterviolet (Apr 28, 2010)

It's just as you said...eyes are the window to a person's soul. In most cases people will see eye contact as an expression of their interest (whatever kind it may be). I have an issue with eye contact when my gears are grinding in my head or when I feel a need to protect myself. If a person sees my thought process or sees my fears by looking in my eyes I feel vulnerable. But - again...most people won't see it because they won't have the depth to absorb what's really going on behind my eyes.


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## Alima (Mar 28, 2010)

Not really.
It's easier for me to think about what I'm about to say if I kinda zone off looking somewhere else, but I have no problem with eye contact while talking to another. 
There are times I'll purposely keep eye contact the entire time because I know it'll make the other person uncomfortable.


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## BlissfulDreams (Dec 25, 2009)

It depends. If I'm talking to someone and the situation or subject matter is awkward, then it bugs me. I avoid making eye contact because I feel like the other person might judge me or it's hard to look them in the eye and say something (ie. shyness, embarassment, or shame.) It doesn't matter if the person is an acquaintance or a good friend, I still do it.

But aside from those types of situations, I try to make eye contact - especially when meeting people for the first time. Ever since I was told by various people that I came off as a bit of a snob or self-centred, I have become worried about the way that I present myself to others. I am not that way at all. I used to always avoid eye contact because I thought that most people disliked me. I have a better outlook on things now and I don't assume that anymore.

I like when others make eye contact with me. It shows that they care about what I am saying. When others don't look me in the eyes when I'm speaking, I feel like my words aren't very important. But direct, fully attentive eye contact sometimes bothers me because I feel that I have to be overly selective with my words, since someone is paying such close attention to what I am saying. Once, I had an 11 year old boy look me directly in the eyes and listen to every word that I said. It was kind of weird, to be honest. I felt so important. No one had ever paid that close attention to what I was saying or given me that sort of respect before. However, eye contact from strangers, whom I am not speaking to, makes me feel very uncomfortable. 

But I have discovered that a lot of people don't like making eye contact or they are freaked out when I look at them in the eyes (or so it seems.) I don't know if it's me looking at them that freaks them out or just eye contact in general. Maybe it's just too intimate and personal for them, though I am just trying to be respectful.


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## LeafStew (Oct 17, 2009)

I usually dont have that much of a problem holding eye contact when I'm on 1 on 1 situation. I just dont like it when there are more than 2 people looking towards me.

In 1 on 1 situation, the thing that might cause problem is that I'm just afraid of holding it for too long. Still practising on where to look when I take pause from eye contact. I have the bad habit of looking down instead of beside the head of people (this gives me trouble  ). I'm too used to stare at the ground when I walk in public place. I'm always looking for spots where there are no human to look at.


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## echidna1000 (Apr 20, 2009)

Eye contact is fun. I use it to bother other people.


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## Peter (Feb 27, 2010)

sprinkles said:


> This just randomly popped into my head... but is there anyone else out there who is bothered by eye contact?
> 
> I don't know but for me it's almost like I'm looking into a persons 'soul' and they are looking into mine. It's kind of overwhelming and uncomfortable with strangers or people that I don't really know well... but I don't mind it as much with people I feel close to and on the other hand if I feel really good about a person or am attracted to them, it's good and kind of addicting >.< but still some times overwhelming too.
> 
> But also if I don't know a person very well or don't get along with them, and I look them in the eyes, that generally means I am dead serious about something or other... that doesn't happen very often but when it does the atmosphere is very tense I've noticed.


It completely depends on the situation I think and also on how long the eye contact is lasting. When you´re in a conversation and not really paying attention to it then you'll be making eye contact on and off which is a natural behavior.

However, when there's a moment of silence and eye contact is there and stays long enough to notice, there is an enormous amount of body language being exchanged.

If it's between 2 men, it usually means agression (can be in all levels and forms of agression that exist. Being dead serious like you mentioned is one of these forms.)

If it's between a man and a woman,... I don't have to explain that one I think.

When it's between 2 women,... I have no idea, perhaps a woman can explain that one.

Obviously, when there are non straight preferences, prolonged eye contact between 2 members of the same sex may have different meanings.

Also when it's between 2 members of the same sex, it can simply mean there is an understanding which is being confirmed through eye contact.

Between a man and a woman can even be agression, but I think there needs to be a reasonably close relationship between the 2 in order for this to happen.



Basically, eye contact and the meaning of it, depends completely on the situation. And the reason it can be bothering sometimes is because you´re aware of the communication that is going on in that moment and that's not always the most pleasant infomration being exchanged. It usually is much more honest than what people say.


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## Darkestblue (Apr 19, 2010)

Mestarious said:


> I usually dont have that much of a problem holding eye contact when I'm on 1 on 1 situation. I just dont like it when there are more than 2 people looking towards me.
> 
> In 1 on 1 situation, the thing that might cause problem is that I'm just afraid of holding it for too long. Still practising on where to look when I take pause from eye contact. I have the bad habit of looking down instead of beside the head of people (this gives me trouble  ). I'm too used to stare at the ground when I walk in public place. I'm always looking for spots where there are no human to look at.


You should have something to drink with you, so you have a reason to look down (when you go to take a drink).


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## dizzygirl (Dec 19, 2009)

its fine i guess. but not always.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

WickedQueen said:


> I've always look at a person straight in their eyes. The more they feel awkward, the more I gave them the deeper look.


lol you're evil :laughing:


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## Cthulhu (Feb 24, 2010)

Peter said:


> In this context eye contact, and not the occosional 1 tenth of a second contacts, but longer moments of eye contact, are considered bothering. This makes sense because it intensifies the conversation a lot and at higher levels than that are considered average for talking with strangers or people you don't know very well.


Then the way the eye contact makes her feel is relative to how she feels about strangers and long instances of eye contact. For her it is intimidating, for others, it may be invigorating. Its relative.


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## Peter (Feb 27, 2010)

Cthulhu said:


> Then the way the eye contact makes her feel is relative to how she feels about strangers and long instances of eye contact. For her it is intimidating, for others, it may be invigorating. Its relative.


Ok, you just want to be right no matter what, :happy: That's ok, but I'll leave at this.


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## Cthulhu (Feb 24, 2010)

Peter said:


> Ok, you just want to be right no matter what, :happy: That's ok, but I'll leave at this.


I dont value winning, i just value the debate, and i thank you for debating with me. It was a good little battle.


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## sprinkles (Feb 7, 2010)

The whole idea of reading body language in the eyes is out the window anyway, because eyes themselves only move or change in dilation. All the other stuff is going on _elsewhere,_ which has been rightly pointed out. :crazy:

And I don't need to look at a persons eyes to see their eyes, I can use my peripheral perception. What Cthulhu already said, except for me it is inverted.


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## Cthulhu (Feb 24, 2010)

sprinkles said:


> The whole idea of reading body language in the eyes is out the window anyway, because eyes themselves only move or change in dilation. All the other stuff is going on _elsewhere,_ which has been rightly pointed out. :crazy:
> 
> And I don't need to look at a persons eyes to see their eyes, I can use my peripheral perception. What Cthulhu already said, except for me it is inverted.


I do what you do, as i already stated, but most people do it the way i mentioned in the mini debate.


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## benfoldsfive dude (Nov 24, 2009)

It depends who I am with.


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## Peter (Feb 27, 2010)

sprinkles said:


> The whole idea of reading body language in the eyes is out the window anyway, because eyes themselves only move or change in dilation. All the other stuff is going on _elsewhere,_ which has been rightly pointed out. :crazy:
> 
> And I don't need to look at a persons eyes to see their eyes, I can use my peripheral perception. What Cthulhu already said, except for me it is inverted.


You need to learn more on eye movements. They indicate which part of your brain you are using. For example, it's very interesting once you know where eyes go when people are accessing memory or creativity when they answer a question.


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## IlovetoLaugh (May 10, 2010)

I do. I've always liked holding eye contact. It helps me to read a persn better. when theymeet my eye contact i tend to feel that we're not just talking, almost like we're reading each other on a deeper level.


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## Logically Creative (May 16, 2010)

I love direct eye contact. It gives me a better understanding of what's going on inside of the person I am interacting with. But then again, I observe much more than just the eyes.


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## Tommy (Nov 25, 2009)

Eyes are interesting! I love looking at someone eyes when I speak to them. Sometimes just to make them uncomfortable. 

However, when not in conversation, and someone gets a staring moment at you, then it is a little creepy.


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## trayNTP (May 16, 2010)

Prolonged eye contact...yes.


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## StandardLawyer (Dec 21, 2009)

trayNTP said:


> Prolonged eye contact...yes.


I'm staring at you right now.



Nah, I don't thinking staring is bad. I stare all the time, but people think it's creepy for some reason.
So what i've been doing is looking and looking off from time to time, but I am still able to focus on the person whom I'm with and or doing.


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## Demian (Feb 20, 2010)

For me eye contact isn't necessary. But I can't maintain it for long. My eyes will start wondering because looking at the same place is quite boring. But DEAR GOD how I hate people who can't keep their eyes still when they talk to me. You know the type. They look your one eye and then switch back and forth the eyes as fast as they can. I can't do it, it makes everything so blurry but when someone else does it , it deeply disturbs me. Then I look at anything else but the face of the speaker. I enjoy watching peoples scars , peculiarities in their faces or maybe behind them. Maybe I'll look at what they're wearing etc.


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## SF4L (May 19, 2010)

There is only one person I can maintain eye contact with and feel completely comfortable and that's my Mother... everyone else; including my brothers and stepfather, I just can't do it. I'll force myself sometimes, but there's no point due to the fact that I'm then concentrating on my eye contact and not what the person is saying lol.

But yeah, I hate it!


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

Nope. You don't have to make any eye contact yourself, hence I only make it when I am feeling comfortable and secure myself.
Same with a lot of people I think. When I see a person trying to not make an eye contract I think that they might be stressed/preoccupied by something so try to give them plenty of personal space.


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## Vaka (Feb 26, 2010)

I am still crappy with eye contact...and I can't figure out what it is! I can speak with people, but as soon as I meet their eyes, I start to get all nervous...
I think I've always felt insecure with people looking or staring at me and maybe I like to look away to pretend that they aren't looking at me...I dunno if that makes sense xD
But for realz! I don't look people in the eyes when I speak to them, so I'm either staring out like a retard, or I am looking down at an angle that could go to the chest area or to the genitals(I'm not really a perv like that) of the person I'm talking too...and that just makes me awkward!!!!...


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## Deja Vu (Dec 26, 2009)

I am not that scared of eye contact. I know it unnerve peoples. Especially when they dont know me all that well. Girls often go into flirt mode. Its amazing.


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## VerySimple (May 21, 2010)

Actually I'm not. For some reason I think of this as a challenge, but if it was a strange looking guy I would slightly be creeped out but I wouldn't reveal it in my face.


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## trayNTP (May 16, 2010)

Swish36 said:


> I'm staring at you right now.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Depends on who's staring. I got no problem with this:

YouTube - Mad Idea: Jessica Alba's staring competition

...aaaaaahhhhh.


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## KTC (May 5, 2010)

*...*

Oh man. Most of you aren't fans of eye contact? I LOVE the stuff.
Unless there is a major distraction, I try to maintain eye contact for 100% of the conversation. I don't notice people get squirmy and paranoid as I speak or listen, because keeping eye contact is such a vital part of my communication. 
Eye contact enables me to focus on what I'm trying to convey, and helps to keep me from rambling. I can't even hold a coherent conversation on the phone because I cannot watch whoever I'm speaking with. I look like a super creeper I guess, because without eye contact, I fail to keep a linear conversation topic. The most weird part is that I can get out of a long conversation with someone, and not be able to remember what color eyes they have.

(but I'm not one of the people who alternate where they look every two seconds. I'm intelligent with my eye contact... In case you were wondering.)


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## cottoncandy468 (Mar 26, 2011)

Not at all, like they say, information is information, you can tell a lot about a person by eye contact ei. if they're honest, outgoing and playful, possibly a little shy but having an interesting personality when you get to know them better, or if someone's eye contact seems too fixated or too shifty they could be pulling a fast one on you. Eyes are also a good clue when someone's gotten themselves into some kind of mishap as to when you might need to dig a little deeper and think if their actions in the past have been based on good intentions even though they tend to be reckless and do dumb things sometimes.


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## USAirlinesLetter (May 25, 2011)

Bothered by eye contact? Ya in some way!


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## Azelll (Jan 19, 2011)

No I love to stare into peoples eyes, I feel more connected with them, unless that person freaks me out then I am never bothered by it  I prefer it actually!


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## Cubie (May 3, 2011)

I am very bothered by eye contact. It's like when someone looks at me i feel they are thinking things about me in their head. It's just one of those things that's always sorta bothered me. When people make eye contact with me for a long time my eyes go all crazy and i feel like they notice so i just look down.


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