# Stay Friends With Someone I Don't Like?



## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

So basically I don't even know how I got into this friendship....it just sort of happened. Anywho we have nothing in common and I just can't relate to him at all in any way except for the fact that our taste in music is pretty much exactly the same. 

We hardly ever talk. We have a conversation like maybe once every 6 months. I only ever interact with him when I get really bored and restless and there's no one else to talk to. 

To stay friends with him just feels....wrong. I feel like I'm using him. I feel like I need to end the friendship. 

What do you think? 

Part of me doesn't want to end the friendship because he's one more human being to talk to or go do things with when I get bored and it's not like we always have a sucky time together....sometimes we actually do have an interesting, enjoyable time. 

But I dunno. I think if the tables were turned I wouldn't want to keep the friendship....if someone were friends with me and they didn't really like me much I definitely wouldn't want to be friends with them. 

He just texted me right now. I haven't responded.


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## kevinlolwut (Feb 5, 2014)

You're doing the right thing. Don't respond if you don't want to be friends. After awhile, he'll get the memo and move on unless he has zero other friends.


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

Is this person a net negative in your life? If so, move on. 

What do you feel he expects/desires from the friendship? Does he want to hang out more often than you, talk more often, anything like that? If so, you probably need to let him know (the how is hopefully answered by somebody else). 

If he has the same attitude as you do, then I don't know if you need to cut things off. My high school friends have a nearly similar situation. Instead of texting/talking, it's on Facebook. No need to end things, but you just don't expect to hang out a lot. The amount of maintenance on this kind of friend-turned-acquaintance situation is pretty low.


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

bigstupidgrin said:


> Is this person a net negative in your life? If so, move on.
> 
> What do you feel he expects/desires from the friendship? Does he want to hang out more often than you, talk more often, anything like that? If so, you probably need to let him know (the how is hopefully answered by somebody else).
> 
> If he has the same attitude as you do, then I don't know if you need to cut things off. My high school friends have a nearly similar situation. Instead of texting/talking, it's on Facebook. No need to end things, but you just don't expect to hang out a lot. The amount of maintenance on this kind of friend-turned-acquaintance situation is pretty low.


Wow. Good points. 

He's definitely more invested than I am and he wants much more from the friendship than I do. ALSO, he showed romantic interest about a year ago. I told him I wasn't interested.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Starflakes said:


> ALSO, he showed romantic interest about a year ago. I told him I wasn't interested.


Explain.
Also a friendship only involving contact every 6 months?
wat.


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

aef8234 said:


> Explain.
> Also a friendship only involving contact every 6 months?
> wat.


Yeah, on average like every 6 months. Sometimes it's 3 months, sometimes it's 8, etc. I didn't say it was much of a friendship but it's a friendship nonetheless. 

I mentioned the part about him being romantically interested because I'm afraid that maybe he's somehow deluded and thinking that he can win me over. I mean most guys would understand that there's zero chance of getting with a woman that only talks to them every 6 months or whatever but he can be a little clueless about these things. Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter because it's not the main issue and he probably IS aware that there's zero potential for romance because well, I mean, he can't be THAT clueless. Although, most people even just interested in friendship would get the hints and stop trying to talk to me. He doesn't get the hints. If he sends me texts I usually don't respond and if I do respond it's usually really late and I don't act particularly interested in conversation most of the time.


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## RendingTempest (Apr 29, 2015)

Starflakes said:


> Yeah, on average like every 6 months. Sometimes it's 3 months, sometimes it's 8, etc. I didn't say it was much of a friendship but it's a friendship nonetheless.
> 
> If he sends me texts I usually don't respond and if I do respond it's usually really late and I don't act particularly interested in conversation most of the time.


So does he message you once a week (for example) but you don't reply for months or does he only text you every few months? 
I'm guessing it more the latter? 
If it is I don't see how he is "romantically interested" unless he's messaging you regularly and you just don't respond for ages...

I'd say I have quite a few friendships that have this sort of dynamic never really been a problem for me.

I don't see why you have to remain friends with this person, if you don't like him you probably shouldn't be friends with the guy. On the flip side you did say you occasionally do have fun conversations with him and it's only every 3-8 months


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Starflakes said:


> Yeah, on average like every 6 months. Sometimes it's 3 months, sometimes it's 8, etc. I didn't say it was much of a friendship but it's a friendship nonetheless.


 Still, do you really think ignoring him would be a "hint" of some sort? Kinda sounds like it's the norm in your friendship.



> I mentioned the part about him being romantically interested because I'm afraid that maybe he's somehow deluded and thinking that he can win me over.


 Can't really play a game that isn't there.


> I mean most guys would understand that there's zero chance of getting with a woman that only talks to them every 6 months or whatever but he can be a little clueless about these things.


 Soooo, you being direct about not wanting any of his... eugh, or doing that "subtle" thing?


> Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter because it's not the main issue and he probably IS aware that there's zero potential for romance because well, I mean, he can't be THAT clueless.


 Pretty sure he isn't clueless, but don't get mad at him for not knowing.



> Although, most people even just interested in friendship would get the hints and stop trying to talk to me. He doesn't get the hints. If he sends me texts I usually don't respond and if I do respond it's usually really late and I don't act particularly interested in conversation most of the time.


 Sooooo, do you expect emotions to be conveyed properly in texts? Cuz, it isn't most of the time.

Still think the direct route would be best.


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

RendingTempest said:


> I don't see how he is "romantically interested" unless he's messaging you regularly and you just don't respond for ages...


We hung out and he tried to kiss me. Does that clear things up?

Edited to add: After he tried to kiss me I told him I had zero romantic interest in him.


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

aef8234 said:


> Still think the direct route would be best.


True that. Direct is definitely the way to go in this situation. Now I just have to figure out how exactly to word things....

Edited to add: Either that or I could just never reply to him ever. Which is worse? Ugh. I just should have never become friends with him.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

.. how old is this person? =o and yea you are in a very weird situation

personally I found it hard to be friends with people I do not like. I mean its hard enough to be my friend even if I do some what like you. lol just weird =o


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

If you talk every so often, I wouldn't even worry about it. Just ignore him.


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

Starflakes said:


> We hung out and he tried to kiss me. Does that clear things up?
> 
> Edited to add: After he tried to kiss me I told him I had zero romantic interest in him.



But that was a year ago, his feelings might have changed.. :mellow:


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## maybe_someday (Apr 5, 2015)

Doesn't sound like a friendship anyway. To only talk once every six months? And not even about anything you find interesting or worth while? Don't respond. Neither of you are losing much if you both have nothing in common and haven't invested any effort.


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## aef8234 (Feb 18, 2012)

Starflakes said:


> True that. Direct is definitely the way to go in this situation. Now I just have to figure out how exactly to word things....
> 
> Edited to add: Either that or I could just never reply to him ever. Which is worse? Ugh. I just should have never become friends with him.


It's more along the lines of you rarely talktyping to him already made a set pattern of you essentially ignoring him. Sooo, that answer isn't really an answer.


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## Halcyon (Jun 21, 2013)

If you talk that sparingly, calling it a "friendship" is a bit of a stretch and you should be able to just stop replying to that biannual text (haha) without much problem? It would be a different situation if you wanted to go from talking to him every other day to not at all. And if he does end up being upset about it, I guess I would just be honest with him because that's really the best you can do in situations like this. How the other person reacts is not really in your control.


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

Schizoid said:


> But that was a year ago, his feelings might have changed.. :mellow:


Yeah, I know. I was just making the point that he WAS interested because that seemed to be in question, but perhaps I misinterpreted.


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## Mange (Jan 9, 2011)

Who cares? Why even think about it that deeply? If the friendship bores you do something to make it less boring. Say something really outlandish and bizarre and see how he responds. Have you even really given him a chance? Or just don't text him. For all you know he's using you for th e same reason.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I've heard people way more excited about a game of Tetris or a bowl of pudding than you sound talking about this person. I would let it go - just block him - and if you ever get the urge to talk to him again, play some Tetris or make some pudding instead.


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

Yeah, I know it seems like a weird dilemma because well....what the heck even is the dilemma? The dilemma is just that I'm in a really weird crazy extroverted mood where I just have to get out and go do something and I feel like I'll explode if I don't. I've been like this for the last 3 weeks. I think I've done more in the last 3 weeks than I have in the entire previous year. Anywho, sometimes none of my friends are available to go hang out and do stuff and when that's the case, hanging out with him starts to feel really appealing. But I've decided to just let the friendship fade into nothing. 

Thanks for the help, everyone.


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