# New Roommate



## 37wallflower73 (Oct 27, 2013)

I need some advice regarding a friend that recently moved with me. First, some background info:

-I'm a relatively attractive female in my 20's
-Only been in one relationship
-Living with my parent and siblings in my basement
-This 'friend' has expressed interest towards me before, while I was in said relationship (He tried to kiss me), and I rebuffed him which resulted in us not being in contact for a year prior to his moving in.

We are on good terms now, we are both pretty easy going and we've talked, my family likes him, and he seems to be fitting in well. However, I fear he is still interested in me, the vibes that I get from him and the fact he keeps mentioning how 'compatible" we would be if we dated....I am single now, but I do not want to date him. I have made it clear that I am not looking for a relationship at the moment, physical or otherwise. Basically, I am just looking for tips on how best to deal with him, he is an ESTP (I totally made him take the test lol) and I don't want to lead him on or encounter any more awkward situations, while still remaining friends. Any help would be much appreciated


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

If you don't want to date him and have made this clear, but he keeps making advances on you, why did you let him move in with you?

Really, living together with someone who is attracted to you but you not to them is a bad idea, they might think that you are sending them signals that you are interested in them.


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## Loaf (Mar 27, 2014)

stultum said:


> If you don't want to date him and have made this clear, but he keeps making advances on you, why did you let him move in with you?
> 
> Really, living together with someone who is attracted to you but you not to them is a bad idea, they might think that you are sending them signals that you are interested in them.


Concurred


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## 37wallflower73 (Oct 27, 2013)

Sorry, I forgot to include in my background info lol. My mother is a single parent with 2 young boys to take care of (10 and 12). We get by, but she is going in for a major surgery soon to replace her entire knee. We really need the money a renter would bring in, he was a last resort pretty much.

I made the decision that my discomfort was less important than financial security. At the end of the day, I don't really care if his feelings are hurt or not, as my family is more important to me than him. But I would really like to make an effort to get along so that he will continue to live with us and give us money XD Should I just put up with his weird vibes until he makes a move I don't like?


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

37wallflower73 said:


> Sorry, I forgot to include in my background info lol. My mother is a single parent with 2 young boys to take care of (10 and 12). We get by, but she is going in for a major surgery soon to replace her entire knee. We really need the money a renter would bring in, he was a last resort pretty much.
> 
> I made the decision that my discomfort was less important than financial security. At the end of the day, I don't really care if his feelings are hurt or not, as my family is more important to me than him. But I would really like to make an effort to get along so that he will continue to live with us and give us the money XD Should I just put up with his weird vibes until he makes a move I don't like?


Well, if you have no choice, just make sure that you make your disinterest clear every time he says something that implies that he is romantically interested in you, but don't be rude about it unless you have to. (But you are Canadian, you guys don't do rude anyway.)


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## 37wallflower73 (Oct 27, 2013)

And should I reject his invitations to go on a 'friend date' too? He has told me he is not looking for a relationship either, but still says things that make me think otherwise. Honestly, I made him take the MBTI test just so I could disprove how theoretically _wrong _we would be for each other lol, in the event that he says that shit again, which he likely will.


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## FourLeafCloafer (Aug 5, 2014)

37wallflower73 said:


> And should I reject his invitations to go on a 'friend date' too? He has told me he is not looking for a relationship either, but still says things that make me think otherwise. Honestly, I made him take the MBTI test just so I could disprove how theoretically _wrong _we would be for each other lol, in the event that he says that shit again, which he likely will.


Maybe you could say something like '*Movie*?, yeah, sure, I'd love to see it! And so would *mutual friend* and *other mutual friend*, great idea, I'll give them a call!'


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## 37wallflower73 (Oct 27, 2013)

Okay, so basically try not to be out with him one-on-one? At home, I can't really avoid it though lol. 
Friend dates = Lots of friends


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## The Watcher (Mar 28, 2015)

I'll try to put myself in his place.

I'm into you and we're both single. I live with you, so I have plenty of opportunity to spend time with you without a need for pretext. You've said you're not interested _in a relationship at the moment_, so that leaves open the possibility it isn't me you're rejecting because you don't or could never feel that way about me, but rather you're not interested in dealing with a relationship currently. (I don't know the exact words you used with him, just going off what you've posted here). That leaves a friends with benefits option on the table, or even just the occasional tryst. I'd be looking for behavior that conflicts with what you've said, or at the very least peeks through holes you've left in your rebuff. To the point of misreading your intent concerning behaviors you consider innocent? Possibly, because in part I _want_ to.

Some things to consider in your interactions with him. Think about just how close of friends you can really be with a person who's particularly sexually/romantically interested in you. In my experience the answer to that is generally "not very".


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## RantnRave (May 1, 2015)

You know his myers briggs type. You pretty much know what will make him not like you. Push his buttons.


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## 37wallflower73 (Oct 27, 2013)

The Watcher said:


> I'll try to put myself in his place.
> 
> I'm into you and we're both single. I live with you, so I have plenty of opportunity to spend time with you without a need for pretext. You've said you're not interested _in a relationship at the moment_, so that leaves open the possibility it isn't me you're rejecting because you don't or could never feel that way about me, but rather you're not interested in dealing with a relationship currently. (I don't know the exact words you used with him, just going off what you've posted here). That leaves a friends with benefits option on the table, or even just the occasional tryst. I'd be looking for behavior that conflicts with what you've said, or at the very least peeks through holes you've left in your rebuff. To the point of misreading your intent concerning behaviors you consider innocent? Possibly, because in part I _want_ to.
> 
> Some things to consider in your interactions with him. Think about just how close of friends you can really be with a person who's particularly sexually/romantically interested in you. In my experience the answer to that is generally "not very".


I appreciate your insight into his psyche. In my defense, after I said I wasn't interested in a relationship at the moment, I did quickly add 'physical or otherwise' at the end, lest I be misinterpreted.....as I feared I would be lol. That was when he mentioned he wasn't either.

So far so good....he keeps trying to ask my advice about other women in his life, minor annoyance but oh well. I totally agree that you cannot truly be friends with someone that is romantically interested in you, as I have experienced this in the past. You always have to have your guard up. 



RantnRave said:


> You know his myers briggs type. You pretty much know what will make him not like you. Push his buttons.


I do know know his type, but I don't know much about ESTP I'm afraid! I wanted some advice about this too, that's why I mentioned it


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## Zster (Mar 7, 2011)

I would move out, honestly. I do not see this ending well and am surprised your mom went with it.


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