# INTJ Seriously Seeking ENFP Companionship!!!



## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

*INTJ Playfully Seeking ENFP Companionship!!!*

I realize that this is not a dating forum, BUT, I am tired of being lonely and alone.
I am a 42 year old white woman with long, curly, red hair and blue eyes. I am not fat. 
I am not prejeduced but for reasons I will only talk about in a private conversation, I only date black men. I don't talk ghetto or act like something I am not. 
I am beautiful both inside and out. Getting to know me well may take a little effort on your part but it will be well worth the effort, I PROMISE.
I need somebody special in my life who will take the time to get to know and understand me. I am fun, highly intelligent, and most definately drawn to *ENFP* men. 
I appoligize if my post offends any one, but like I said I am tired of being lonely and alone, and I NEED somebody to share my life with.


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

ljbloomberg said:


> I am not prejeduced but for reasons I will only talk about in a private conversation, I only date black men.


You're kidding me right?


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

Not kidding, there is almost always a reason for everything, only not everyone knows the reason so they make judgements of others that are not based on fact.


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

ljbloomberg said:


> Not kidding, there is almost always a reason for everything, only not everyone knows the reason so they make judgements of others that are not based on fact.


Says the one making judgements based on race.


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## Paradox of Vigor (Jul 7, 2010)

This seems like desperation, something that usually turns people quite off. Regardless, don't you think you'd have better luck getting to know people in real life? If you're looking for ENFPs then I'll give you one word: coffee.

Any place with lots of coffee is bound to have an ENFP close by.


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

Not race but experiences with white men.


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

And because you have experience with maybe a couple of men, let's say a thousand. You think to know all the others? You've seen less than 0.01%.


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

I do understand that desperation turns people off. Yet I don't really know how to get out and be social. My last relationship lasted over 15 years, it has been 3 years and 10 months since we broke up. During that time my children have grown and moved out and I just realized that I don't even have any "friends". I *am* desperate for people to talk to and share ideas with, I don't only want to find a soulmate or whatever here, I also just want to be able to find other people that I can relate to and communicate with. I guess that's what I'd call a friend. I am putting myself out here and really exposing myself, I guess that first post was rather off the wall and desperate sounding. But I know that I am a good person with a lot to offer others in all kinds of relationships. It is much better to be able to write than to have to say out loud what is on my mind. There are a thousand coffee shops around here, but I am 42 years old, I am not looking to spend the rest of my life with somebody half my age.


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

..........


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

And yet you dumb down all the greatness of his personality down to one simple factor ...


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

Ziwosa said:


> And because you have experience with maybe a couple of men, let's say a thousand. You think to know all the others? You've seen less than 0.01%.


I realize that it sounds like I am saying that "Bill" is white and "Bill" is bad therefore all white men are bad. I guess it has more to do with the way I was treated in my last relationship which was with a black man, lasted for over 15 years, and ended in as positive a way as a relationship can end. I was treated very well. That is in contrast to my first two relationships were with white men to whom I was married. Those two relationships not only had an extremely negative and lasting impact on me but on my children also. The relationships lasted long enough for me to have 2 children in the first marriage(I was 3 mos. pregnant with the second child when I left) and one child in the second marriage; my children were very young when I terminated the last relationship and they still had problems as adults as a result of my choice. If you have not been where another person is coming from how can you judge them. I know that all white men are not monsters, I see white families that have good fathers and husbands. But there are some ttraumatic experiences that can cause even an INTJ to have an irrational fear. I realize that it is irrational, yet the fear is there.


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

Then I think the better thing to do is to fix that irrational fear before jumping into something else.


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## juicebox330 (Apr 30, 2011)

I'm not 42... I'm not black... I'm not a man... and I'm not seeking a relationship... but I am ENFP and I'd be happy to give you a hug... If it helps.

******	hug ******


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## neologismaker (May 19, 2011)

I am conflicted as to whether to offer advice and encouragement or to just say "Troll?" and leave. If you are a troll, feel free to laugh. 

On the off-chance you're serious, I apologize for my skepticism. 

Are you looking for a friend or a soul mate? You can find lots of friends here on PerC!  Maybe if you'd feel more comfortable talking to people your own age, you could post something in the Generation X forum. It might take a few threads, but you'll get to know people. We don't bite. At least, most of us don't bite. 

If you'd like some help from the ENFP guys here on finding an ENFP soul mate in your own life, a post in their forum might be helpful to you, to find out where ENFP guys might go, etc. 

As far as actually crying out for a soul mate to find you right here, you're an INTJ. That means if you think about it long enough, you'll come up with a good solution to the hole you've perceived in your life. Or you'll move on. Whatever is best, you'll figure it out in time.

To me, it doesn't sound like you're looking for an ENFP black man. It sounds like you are looking for that ENFP black man with whom you had a beautiful relationship. Again, the ENFP forum might be able to help you... move on, if you desire, try to win him back, if you desire. Even if an ENFP black man did post here, the odds are that he's still not going to be anything like your ex, I'm sorry to say.  If he's gone, PerC is not the place to find his clone. There is only one of him. 

I don't know if any of that was helpful, but I wish you the best of luck on your journey.


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

Ziwosa said:


> And yet you dumb down all the greatness of his personality down to one simple factor ...


Much of his personality or should I say character come from how he was raised. I don't know if you have paid attention or researched it but the black community is a very close knit one. They have strong, close, respectful families, and strong bonds within their community. White folks are not like that, not even down south. How many black folks mollest their own children, neices, nephews, and grandchildren? Very few in comparrison to white folks. Sammie is his name and he was raised in a close black family that taught him respect, love, nurturing, the value of hard work, and the importance of family. He was raised with a strong sense of morals and values. I see some of the black women around my town who may be struggling and maybe even be crack heads, but you know what, their families are there for them, the children are still taught, loved, and still regardless of theit mothers situation they still have morals and values ingrained in them. I do not know one single white family like that. A white family would turn their back on that woman and those children would be lost.


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

Ziwosa said:


> Then I think the better thing to do is to fix that irrational fear before jumping into something else.


I am working on that. I did just start seeing a counselor last week. I guess it's better late than never.


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

juicebox330 said:


> I'm not 42... I'm not black... I'm not a man... and I'm not seeking a relationship... but I am ENFP and I'd be happy to give you a hug... If it helps.
> 
> ****** hug ******


You're great! Thanks.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

I don't... Words don't... I can't even... Wow.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

@ljbloomberg Good luck. Sorry, I'm a little young and already have an INTJ girl to call my own, but there is an ENFP group on facebook that you could check out, try your luck there.


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

neoloGismaker said:


> I am conflicted as to whether to offer advice and encouragement or to just say "Troll?" and leave. If you are a troll, feel free to laugh.
> 
> On the off-chance you're serious, I apologize for my skepticism.
> 
> ...


Well except for the part about me being a troll  you are probaly pretty much right. Now that I am here I think I find it interesting to be able to have a conversation with another THINKING human being. I like the way Ziwosa quickly put me in check, that was great. And of course you're right about trying to replace Sammie with another ENFP,irrationally thinking that the relationship would be as healthy and as great. I guess since it has been so long that I just figured I should try something, and I honestly do want somebody. I like this on the computer because if I don't look at a person's profile I won't know what race they are and I may be quite suprised by the people with whom I bond.


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## Hunger (Jul 21, 2011)

Some advice then from an ENFP, change the "Seriously seeking" to "playfully seeking", you'll be sure to find one.

Good luck in finding Mr. Right ;D


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

Okay, you're right. now that I look back over these posts and my responses, it does sound as if I am being prejudiced against white people, however, I do feel that I have some very good reasons for the feelings that I have based on my own past experiences. But I still know you are right, I just don't want to think of myself as being prejudices against anyone. Like I said, I am working on it.


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## dalsgaard (Aug 14, 2010)

I suggest that you begin finding some friends first, because you sound pretty nutty as of right now. You need to get back into the social scene first. Take it one step at a time.

Best of luck.

EDIT: Also, it's not hopeless. Just take it a little bit at a time. It's not too late. You will not be alone for the rest of your life if you don't want to.


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Quick question: Why is it okay for black men to say they like/prefer white women, but the moment the tables turn, it's not okay...?

I've never seen black men get bashed for having a preference. Except by the black women who can't stand it.

Am I looking at the wrong facts here?

@ljbloomberg

would you date a white man if he was raised the same way your previous partner was? And had all the same values, morals, etc?


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

Olena said:


> @_ljbloomberg_
> 
> would you date a white man if he was raised the same way your previous partner was? And had all the same values, morals, etc?


I would already have to know that he would be safe to be around for my children, grandchildren, and myself.
But yea, if I could know that before hand without having to put myself or anyone close to me at risk I would.


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## Ziwosa (Sep 25, 2010)

Olena said:


> Quick question: Why is it okay for black men to say they like/prefer white women, but the moment the tables turn, it's not okay...?
> 
> I've never seen black men get bashed for having a preference. Except by the black women who can't stand it.


I just haven't seen what you mention. Point me to where it's happening and I'll equally "bash" him.




ljbloomberg said:


> I may be quite suprised by the people with whom I bond.


Heh yes, I like this a lot about the internet, easier to not be pre judgemental. Internet has its downsides as well though. Not sure which I would prefer.


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## OwLY (Jun 12, 2011)

ljbloomberg said:


> I would already have to know that he would *be safe to be around *for my children, grandchildren, and myself.
> But yea, if I could know that before hand without having to put myself or anyone close to me at risk I would.


So... Generally you find white adult males to be unsafe to be around? You must live in a world of fear...


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## Kelly617 (May 25, 2011)

Lol @ thread...

@ljbloomberg, desperation freaks ENFPs out, and you reek of it. Also...we aren't that hot on prejudice either. If you really want to rope yourself an ENFP, chill out a bit, and stop assigning the traits of a couple of people to their entire race. I can't even wrap my mind around that one...


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## ljbloomberg (Aug 29, 2011)

*...*

Okay, let me try to start over here and just watch for awhile, maybe reply to a post here and there, but give me another chance here alright.


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## DarklyValentine (Mar 4, 2010)

heh whats wrong with us rugged intj men


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## neologismaker (May 19, 2011)

ljbloomberg said:


> Okay, let me try to start over here and just watch for awhile, maybe reply to a post here and there, but give me another chance here alright.


You obviously didn't mean it. Stuff happens. If people judge you they need to get a life; every one else will forget soon enough.  I hope you have fun checking out what PerC has to offer!


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