# Should a feeler be getting emotional advice from a thinker?



## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

chittychitty LightNING said:


> So my theory is that T's experience depression to a lesser degree than F's for obvious reasons. T's know it will end eventually, and find it easy to rationalize. F's may get pulled into it further, thinking it may never end. Also since feelers tend to soak in drama and stress more easily than their opposing types, makes it easier for them to stay in a deep depression.
> 
> Depression doesn't last long if you let it run it's course. Just let it be and see what happens.


Being down is not the same as depression. Your experience is valid but shows that you have not experienced clinical depression. It is not mind over matter.

OP my stance is this: If someone is giving free advice be patient with them, but if it does not work for you don't apply it. Thinkers and Feelers use both F and T functions, being a thinker does not make someone emotionally unaware or unable to help a feeler with an emotional issue, just as the reverse is also true.

However, based on what you've written "she thinks I should just ignore it. I believe I need to resolve it."

"Should I stop listening to my mother?" Yes. On this matter clearly.


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

> Thinkers and Feelers use both F and T functions, being a thinker does not make someone emotionally unaware or unable to help a feeler with an emotional issue, just as the reverse is also true.


Feeling is evaluation (e.g. beautiful/ugly, etc.), not emotional reactions. This misunderstanding is probably the #1 biggest and most pervasive myth on the internet.


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## Wheeze (Jan 20, 2011)

TJ's have this ability to view things very objectively. Sometimes this is a good thing for an NF to absorb. So where your mother may not always give the best advice, she may be able to give you a different view of something you haven’t been able to view objectively yourself. 

Maybe instead of considering what she says as advice you can just consider it a consultation and take her advice under advisement.


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## Anubis (Nov 30, 2011)

Yes, "thinkers" give the best advice. First of all... 

"thinkers" aren't unemotional androids. They have "feelings" too, they just don't evaluate situation with good/bad, they see things more from an outside perspective. Many thinkers are actually emotional people who have a clear understanding of emotions. Sometimes talking to an INTJ/ENTJ can really open up your perspective.


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## Mick Beth (Oct 19, 2010)

I would say a thinker should be getting emotional advice from a feeler since generally feelers are more in touch with their thinking side than thinkers are with their feeling side.


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## sorry_neither (Mar 21, 2012)

My mom (ISTJ) tends to act something like your mom; she thinks women with postpartum depression just need to "get over it," for example. Meanwhile, I've been trying to get an INFJ to process his emotions in a healthy way.

So, no, this isn't a thinker vs feeler thing.


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## JungyesMBTIno (Jul 22, 2011)

Mick Beth said:


> I would say a thinker should be getting emotional advice from a feeler since generally feelers are more in touch with their thinking side than thinkers are with their feeling side.


Okay, but this is a supreme generalization. There are plenty of thinkers out there who are probably well in touch with their feeling sides as well, especially females, who are encouraged to do this more. I've seen a lot of tertiary F types who can be quite the voice of reason on dealing with feelings and a lot of tertiary T types who can be quite the voice of reason on dealing with thinking. I would argue that it's mainly the inferior F and T types who really can't help the F or T issues of others if the other happens to be an F with T or T with F. Inferior T or F might be helpful with people of or close their own types to a small extent (e.g. INTJ and ENTJ), but it's definitely a recipe for disaster if you're going to pair an INTP and INFP together, for instance, to help each other with their own dominant strengths, especially since their T and F functions are totally different. I would argue that the orientation of the F and T functions makes a far bigger difference on how helpful types can be with each other than just the simple F and T designations - I've seen INTPs and ESFJs have some beneficial impact on each other's outlooks, since they both see through Ti and Fe, but I've never really seen FeTi types have much impact on FiTe types, since this perspective is very different from the former.


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## Le9acyMuse (Mar 12, 2010)

Most everyone who has posted here are correct. Thinkers and Feelers react differently to emotion, but people are generally emotional. No-one _feels _more or less than anyone else. Feeling is merely expressed differently between Ts and Fs, and it is because of meaning vs. sequence, and not emotional vs. less emotional. You have healthy people and unhealthy people, thus you will need to discern whether some advice will or will not work for you. Both meaning and sequence are very useful to helping one resolve dilemmas.

Anyone can give you effective advice, but not everyone who tries will. Judge your own feelings (_listen to your heart_) and you'll discover what you should do or listen to. You can still thank your mother for her help. I'm sure she meant to.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Daithi said:


> So I am always around my mother who is an INTJ. And I am an INF and 50/50 on the j and p. I have really bad depression and anxiety. She acts like its not a big deal. And she thinks I should just ignore it. I believe I need to resolve it. But emotions were never a big deal to her. For me they are a motivation in life.
> 
> She always acts like she is right, so I have followed some of her advice for awhile. But its not working. I have tried to adopted some of her philosophies. But its still so foreign. To live like her is depressing to me. I just don't understand her. She says well you need to work more and stop trying to figure things out, but I can't work. I am such in a emotion distress, that I can't focus. I forget things all the time and get lost. She in no way has helped me.
> 
> Should I stop listening to my mother?


Well, hmmm.. It sounds as if you're looking for an excuse to stop listening to your mom.

I don't really know what advice you're actually looking for-- Do you want help with addressing depression, or on addressing your mother _about _addressing depression?

For the first... I had a relatively close friend who was diagnosed with clinical depression. They described it as if.. They were two people. One was the _real _them, and the other was _depression _them. 

They told me that when depression took them over, they were well aware of it, and they were _really _tempted to listen to their depression voice. And sometimes they _did _listen, and just slept for a few days, ate, and didn't do much else. They wanted to be productive, but they just didn't have it in them.

Then one day, they learned that when depression seized them, sometimes they had to remember their _real _self. What would they _normally _do? Would they lie in bed all day? No. So, they forced themselves through things on the really bad days, and eventually came to cope. They had really good days, and good days, and bad days.

Depression doesn't define who you are. It's a struggle that you have to learn how to overcome, one way or another. Maybe you'll learn to cope with it through willpower, or maybe through medicine, or advice. However you feel is right for you. But, one thing's for sure: *You can't let it define you.*

If this is about addressing your mother _about _addressing depression, I'd say take her advice into account, and listen to it when it makes sense to. Sometimes it helps to get an extra push to deal with our struggles, even if we don't like it. But, don't stop listening to her, because you know she cares about you and wants what's best. 

Shutting her out isn't going to help anything. If you don't want to follow her advice, just take the time to listen, and then tell her firmly that though you appreciate her advice, you want to try some other solutions for awhile because trying it her way is just making you miserable.

Hope that helps!


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