# What am I?



## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.

Currently stressed with marriage.. personality conflicts are at their peak.. Dh needs/craves emotional connection and I tend to pull back when he is getting needy and clingy. He is extremely needy and clingy currently so I am pulling away big time. I am a teacher with my summer off - I love/miss my job and am having a hard time getting into a routine this summer. I am have binge/compuslive eating disorder that I've recently come to terms with and struggling with from time to time. I currently have an odd headache that I can't shake and am compulsively eating a giant bag of chips. I'm here because I'm feeling unemotional - just indifferent to everything around me.

1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it. 
www.flickr.com/photos/jarnasen/18693723563/in/explore-2015-07-01/
My first thought was that it was peaceful and quiet. Solitude. I felt that the light through the tree was very interesting and wished it was more prominent. Then I began to pick it apart. The sky should only be in the top third and the entire left side is pointless and in shadow. The photo would be more appealing if it focused on the tree an sunlit field on the right.

2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions? 

Initial thought would be pissed that I'd miss the show and I wasted money on tickets. Then I would call a tow truck and call my brother or dad for advice on how to fix it myself in the meantime.


3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do? 

Hell yeah.. let's party. I would love the party but would make sure the driver wasn't drinking. I would not drink if I doubted their honesty and would offer to stay sober if they could/would not. I would be upset that I couldn't drink but would keep it to myself. It would make the party much less fun for me to have the burden of that responsibility

4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say? 
This really depends on the topic and the friend. Assuming it is something I am passionate about I would be upset that my friend has the wrong opinion and I would challenge it outwardly in the nicest way possible. A friendly debate. If it was someone I wasn't as comfortable with or a topic that I am not as passionate about I would likely not say anything at all. There aren't too many topics that I get worked up about.

5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
Again depends on what it is. It would take something pretty major for me to react outwardly. I would likely ignore or walk away if someone wasn't in harms way.

6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?

Following rules is important. Doing a job correctly is important. Being accountable for my actions and holding people accountable for themselves is very important to me. Not sure how to answer the second two...

7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?

I am helpful kind to others. I am quick to make a joke and find humor in a situation. I can make quick decisions and can shift gears very quickly. I am organized and and can ask good questions when it comes to problem solving. 

If I could change one thing I would not be so lazy.. I don't like to sweat or do physical work. I prefer leisure and can work very hard when it involves sitting! I could get a lot more done and have more fun if I enjoyed exerting energy! 

8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?

I tend to pay attention to the feelings but think through them before reacting. For example if I feel a situation is potentially dangerous I am cautions but I don't necessarily react outwardly in a way that might upset others. I am often triggered in situations where I am being asked to do something I don't want to do, take on a task that I know I can't handle, or know I have to tell someone something they don't want to hear. 

9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?

a. Dancing, singing, sex, shopping, socializing with people that make me laugh, good conversations with my kids.
b. outdoor activities, warm, wet, or messy activities (boating, camping, gardening etc) Anything that might make me sweaty or tired.. they drain me before I even get started. 

10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?

I repress emotional reactions.. I don't like to cry in front of others. I repress immediate reactions until I've had some time to process my thoughts. I do a lot of closet eating - stashed food, eating in the car, etc. I am comfortable eating normal amounts in front of others but I binge eat when no one is looking. I have a very dirty sense of humor that is repressed always unless it is appropriate (then watch out!) and I think about sex all the time which I don't share with anyone (I am a raging whore in my head!)

Thanks in advance for the help. I'm happy to answer other questions if they'll help!


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## lage1234 (Jan 7, 2015)

Hi!
I don't know how seriously you can take my response considering my own difficulty with typing oneself. What I see in you is probably Fi because you seem like you care about people but don't like to really show you're emotions to everybody. Based on the information you've given I think you are a sensor. Some of the things you say apply to introverted sensing (following rules, regulations etc) but this could be equally attributed to a duty serving Fi dominant. You're positive attitude to partying coupled with your thoughts about sex and such sensual pleausures does suggest extraverted sensing in you. However extraverted intuitives could be equally positive to the act of partying! If i would give you an intuitive guess I would say you're probably an ESFP or ISFP. Again take what I say with a grain of salt considering my own difficulty typing myself. Hope this helped


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

Thanks! Your ideas, plus my known enneagram type, and my own test taking recently shows me all over the place. which is about right!


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## lage1234 (Jan 7, 2015)

You welcome!


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

This was a cool test. I am certain I am a 4 and most likely a 3 wing but could see a 5 wing as well.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

what do you do for a living? sounds like you are a teacher, but of what?

this whole questionaire screams T and N to me. 

I'd say Te and Ni. You like to categorize, and measure. You are totally willing ot ask experts on how to fix the car (a Te thing IMO). Your processing is pretty linear - More Ni to me, and not Ne.

I'm Ne/Ti. I'd fix the fucking car myself. 

Third function is interesting. It seems more Fi to me, but you get energized by socializing. Puzzling. 

ESTJ or ENTJ is my guess. 

I'm really really puzzled by your claim of 4. 

>>> I repress emotional reactions.

this makes no sense to me for a 4.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

Its funny - I truly believe that I am a 4. My husband and his good friends are a bit obsessed with Enneagram. When I mentioned that maybe I'm not a 4 they both laughed.. "No way. Totally a 4." Outwardly I present myself differently to most people than what I feel inside. My husband is one of the few people that gets to see the real me. 

Every summary I read hits dead on.. I'm constantly feeling that no one understands me .. I am different and not many people would understand that. I always feel like others have it better and that I need to be better but I don't know how. Always a sense of longing and I'm never quite sure what for.. I have a very active fantasy life.. the world inside my head is so much better than the one around me. Relationships are never complete or fulfilling. I jump between hobbies or passions until they become boring and I find something new.. nothing is never as fulfilling as I hope it will be or as it is for others. While I never had a trauma as a child, I am emotionally disconnected from my parents - always have been. Neither of them are the huggy,touchy-feely type. I remember being a kid and feeling sullen and disconnected from the people around me all the time.. They've just never understood me! I tend to take on the negative qualities of the 7 - self-indulgent, impulsive, greedy, demanding.. and the positive qualities of the 1 - strong sense of right and wrong, moral, mature etc.. THIS is the face that (most) others see no matter what I am feeling inside. I tend to be a helper a lot as well (2) but resent it!


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok. You are a 4. Smiles..........


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> Ok. You are a 4. Smiles..........


Finally, someone understands me!


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## Barakiel (May 20, 2014)

I agree with @drmiller100, definitely a four. But I didn't really see any defining characteristics of Ne or Se in you, so here.

Which do you feel you do more, seeing connections in multiple things, or prying deep into one particular thing? Do you find it hard to not see the potential in things outside other people's notice, or do you see more deeply into something that ordinary people consider shallow? :happy:


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

I am not sure how to answer those questions! I can go both ways I guess.

Reading summaries of all the letter meanings I think I identify most with INTJ. Specifically regarding N vs S - I can relate to both - I am back and forth there. I am leaning a little toward N because I tend to think about the future or potential possibilities over what is really happening or has happened. I always want to try new things. Always. All the time.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

HermioneG said:


> I am not sure how to answer those questions! I can go both ways I guess.
> 
> Reading summaries of all the letter meanings I think I identify most with INTJ. Specifically regarding N vs S - I can relate to both - I am back and for there. I am leaning a little toward N because I tend to think about the future or potential possibilities over what is really happening or has happened.
> 
> ...


the "new things" is stackings. Sx likes to try new things, have intensity, do it different, live life to the fullest. Famous for kinky sex, sky diving, riding avalanches, etc. SP and So are the other options.

do you like following rules? I keep asking, and you keep ignoring, but give me some idea of what you do for a living please. Did you start that career in your early 20's, or did you switch in your late 20's?


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

I do like following rules to a degree I guess. I value rules but I also like to break them from time to time. I am a stickler for traffic rules, people doing their job etc, stealing etc - big rules that would have major consequences if something bad happened. (My worst rage is always at 4-way stops.) I don't care for smaller rules. I LOVE to break them- sneaking candy into the theater, fashion & design rules, etc. I hate following recipes - I would rather wing it or guess at quantities. I prefer to not read the instructions, etc. I guess the rules that mean conformity are the ones that I like to break and seek out opportunities to do so. For example - just remodeled my kitchen and I broke every "rule" for kitchen design in order to have something one of a kind. I kept the rules that make it function well but tossed the rest! 

Sorry not trying to ignore about my job - I just forgot. I swear! I am a teacher. I work with kids with behavior disorders - the ones that are too tough to be in a regular school. I am a stickler with rules in my classroom and expect coworkers to be the same way. Our school is self-contained and is very non-traditional as far as schools go. We have to run a tight ship for safety and growth for our students. I LOVE it. Prior to that I taught reading to middle school students and I hated almost every minute. Too monotonous I guess. There were also lots of people (including adminstration) that weren't following the rules. I have only been a teacher for 3 years. I planned to be an art teacher when I was in college the first time around but I took time off to "figure it out" and worked lots of different jobs - (restaurants, banks, coaching, daycare and other work from home stuff) and started a family and eventually came back to teaching. I had a few bouts of depression during those years. I was 34 when I went back to being a student and finished my degree. 

Sx - some of the things on that list are very much me but not others.  I'll have to look at the other options. So much to think about but I am enjoying all the info. 
Thanks so much for your help!


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

So the "S" in the stackings is not the same s as in the N vs. S? Slowly getting clearer...

Reading the descriptions on this page http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/133-Instinctual-Stackings I feel inside like the sx/sp.. without a doubt. But I project soc/sp - especially professionally and socially.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

I have a very good friend who is an INTJ lady. She is Sp stacking, maybe So. Has no Sx stacking.

She went to school to work with special needs kids, got her masters along those lines to teach them. Make a very long story short, ended up teaching science to 8th graders, and has done that for 15 years or more now. Her argument is 8th is the last year she has lattitude to make a difference, yet the kids are the oldest. 
She loves it. 
She does not present as INTJ. She is always smiling, pretends to be happy, is good natured, outgoing in public. Who she really is is quite a bit different. A bit darker when you get to know her, does try to help others a lot, but runs out of social energy pretty quickly. A really great lady, but has commitment issues, some of which is due to baggage. 

She is ok with rules, but tweaks them when no one is looking. She has similar issues with other folks not following rules which they should.

For INTJ, Fi is third function. She is NOT very good at her own feelings, but they fascinate her, and she tries. 

An INTJ 4 is a pretty weird critter.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Any combo of any type can be any enneagram and any stacking. Statistically some mbti and enneagrams are more likely than others. 
stackings are their own dimension. 

I've got almost no Sp in me.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

@Swordsman of Mana 

can probably describe what an INTJ 4 Sx/sp looks like. 

He's sometimes wrong, but never in doubt.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

The possibility of being a weird critter is very satisfying!


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> I have a very good friend who is an INTJ lady. She is Sp stacking, maybe So. Has no Sx stacking.
> 
> She went to school to work with special needs kids, got her masters along those lines to teach them. Make a very long story short, ended up teaching science to 8th graders, and has done that for 15 years or more now. Her argument is 8th is the last year she has lattitude to make a difference, yet the kids are the oldest.
> She loves it.
> ...


This sounds a lot like me.. I do have commitment issues and I've been with my husband for 17 years. Wifing is hard. Monogamy is so hard. I'm easily bored, easily disappointed, and don't like to stay put. But my need to follow the rules and do the right thing trumps all that. Husband is a worrisome 6 and he needs everything to fit into his neat little box. My biggest fear in the world effing up my kids. I sacrifice my happiness so the rest of my family can have what they need. 

My Sx is very strong but I tend to keep it in. Once I am comfortable with people they get to see it and are often surprised. My coworkers have gotten to know me a little bit .. at work I'm by the book, calm, friendly, reliable, etc. I am fun too, but in an overly appropriate way. We go out for drinks and I get a little crazy. I am very good at reading cues and not going overboard - just the right amount of joking, swearing, etc, even when drinking a lot. I can get pretty crazy with this group though and I love it. 
INTJ is just a guess reading each letter description individually - putting it all together, i suppose, can change things up.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

INTJ.
go read. 
Ni - can dig deep into an subject, and build on things well. 
Te. boxes, categories, rules are good to sort information into correct boxes to build understanding. 
Fi. Your feelings. They came out around 22 years old, and caused you angst in your 20's. 
Se. One might argue your Se is rising up and fucking with you hardright now. I've been reading, and our fourth function is what CAN cause middle age revolts in life. 

My INTJ friend I dated. She was Sp, I am Sx. ultimately this is what caused us to not work out. We are both so logical, and were honest with each other, we remained very good friends.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

just took this test.. -http://personalityjunkie.com/free-online-personality-tests/ I really liked that one - to the point and easy to choose. INTJ - each one was a landslide except for T/F - They were fairly close - T was just slightly higher. 

Thanks for your help! I do feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis.. but I have one about once every two years!


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

T women are pushed by society and hormones to develop the F, just like F men are pushed to pretend to be T. 

Life is good.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> INTJ.
> go read.
> Ni - can dig deep into an subject, and build on things well.
> Te. boxes, categories, rules are good to sort information into correct boxes to build understanding.
> ...


 Mind blown! It is crazy to me that this can all be so accurate. I admire (and envy!) the people that have figured all this out for us. My Se is being a total asshole right now. 

I did some reading on childhood and dominant function. I chose Ni for myself before making the connections to what you wrote here. (lots of letters ... so confusing...) I sent a link to my mom and asked her to choose mine. She matched my brothers up the same as I did, but got me totally wrong. No surprise there. 

Thanks for helping me make sense of this!


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

drmiller100 said:


> T women are pushed by society and hormones to develop the F, just like F men are pushed to pretend to be T.
> 
> Life is good.


So true. My husband is an F that was forced to be the man of the house at a young age.. He struggles with that balance still today. I am a T and often feel inadequate with my ability to be empathetic and sensitive. We but heads here. A lot.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

@Drunk Parrot


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

HermioneG said:


> @Drunk Parrot


Ok, you are quite the enigma. Per request, I'll give due diligence to figure out your type, while typing this haha. First impressions, I see Ni dom type 1. By what I've read, I think you see the same. From there, we can build out your MBTI, tritype, and stacking. Finally, I'll look for disorders that might be more emotional, rather than neurological. Words cannot fix what is firing in your brain, but there is a certain amount of control that we exercise for our thoughts and emotions. Somebody earlier said manic depressive and that does seem to be applicable. 

Let's start cognitively. For your sake, I'm going to dig deep through other posts just to fully discover your type.



> -It isn't a "real" test but fun anyway. I found out recently that you can get offical IQ tests taken at colleges with psych departments for very cheap..possibly free. Students have to administer a certain number of tests as part of their program
> -I have PMS crossed with Mama Bear syndrome this evening. All this bundled up with not wanting to say no or disappoint others makes me really bitchy. My son and I did a huge favor for a family member. I feel this person put my son in a potentially dangerous situation (others would think it is no big deal) that I specifically told them he could not do. Everyone is fine, but they need to listen to ME!!
> -I disagree. I love people in different ways and different quantities. Maybe it is just my definition. The best way I can describe the "love" I feel for people is that I would be very sad if they died. I will be very sad when my parents die. I will be very sad when my husband dies. I was very sad when my favorite teacher died. I will have soul-crushing sadness if either of my kids dies before me. I have coworkers and acquaintances I have a degree of "love" for by this definition. I don't love them all the same, but I do love them.
> -I think it is just more out socially acceptable than it was. 50 Shades brought it out in the open for everyone to talk about. It kind of reminds me of when Ellen's character came out of the closet on her show. People were appalled.. but now every sitcom has a gay couple.
> -Information, facts, putting pieces together have always helped me feel better. I feel better having learned a little about mbti. Helps me realized I am the way I am and its the way I should be. Also looking into my husband's type helps me understand his needs. Sharing this info with him helps him get me and see the science. I'm not just a lazy bitch trying to drive him crazy. (I am that and so much more!) All this reading has helped me see that I am shutting down emotionally to HIM as a punishment/protest since I'm not getting what I need from him despise catering to him for so many years.


All of these, together, point to INFJ. I think you use Fe, as your extroverted judgment. You notice what's appropriate and balance it with what's objective and necessary (Ti). In fairness, you can insist on INTJ, but I'm not convinced. Many of your answers seem open-ended and suggest an egalitarian approach to objectivity. The fact that you tested as an ENTP, one time, suggests ENTP type 7 is an alter ego for you. I think an INTJ type 1 would aspire to be more like the typical ENFP type 7. By aspire, I don't mean giving up your identity. As a 7, I like to appear as a thoughtful INTP type 5, at times. I'm at my healthiest when my goals are carefully researched and I'm not talking for the sake of talking. Also, if your husband is ISFJ, it'd probably be easier to agree on judgment decisions, if you're an INFJ. Perhaps there are a lot of INTJ-ISFJ marriages, but it does seem strange.

Being type 1 might make it seem a little hazy. You've already indicated you're 1w2 and I would agree with that. You even predict your tritype to be 147. I've always wanted to see that tritype as I imagine they'd be the most internally chaotic. Your thread about being an unemotional 4 shows a lot of disintegration in your life. http://personalitycafe.com/enneagram-personality-theory-forum/592154-unemotional-type-4-a-2.html It even sounds like you have to wear a mask, at times, in order to please the people around you. What's especially interesting, it how much you crave connection, but do not find it easily. Disintegration to 4 is the unhealthy way to find it. You think you must be unique in order for people to like you. Uniqueness can be a part of you, as that 2 wing suggests it is necessary for you to discover yourself. However, the dominant 1 means your uniqueness must be realized through excitement and experiencing the joys of life.

Following rules and being uptight, all the time, leads to static arrested development and a lost of taste. Inferior Se plays a role, here, as you might envision (Ni) what could be (Se), but you are paralyzed to pursue it. You want to please others and cultivate connection, but perhaps the fear of consequences is too high? With that in mind, I think your tritype is 1w2 4w3 6w7. I think the tritypes contain natural emotions mixed with artificial constructs. My 9w8, for example, was built that way as a means of controlling the anger within me. The 8 is natural, while the 9 was built up. Our emotions are not stagnate, nor are they bound by rules like "Always a 6". Type 1w2 is the only thing that you can never change. The rest of our emotions are based on priorities and all 9 types are capable of being accessed, for better or worse. For you, 7 is a natural aspiration, but 6 was built to accommodate others, because Fe.

Finally, I believe you to be sp/sx:



> sp/sx
> Motivation: to live in a secure, comfortable environment where they can pursue their private interests in depth.
> These people often have an earthy, mysterious quality to them. They are quietly intense, but to others may seem oblivious to the greater social world around them, instead favoring personal interests. They are slow to commit, but once they do it is with an attitude of life commitment, to the establishment of an impermeable bond. Others can be taken aback by how suddenly and completely this type can lock into them, and by the depth of understanding of the other's condition. They attach to others at an organic, root level, in contrast to the other subvariant's surface formality. Somewhat hesitant to enter new relationships, they instead preserve the select few enduring bonds they carefully form along the way. The sanctuary of home is of paramount concern, and this type takes particular delight in decorating their spaces to reflect their cherished sense of taste and depth. Depth and discrimination characterize this stacking.
> Expression: wistful self-absorbed expression, sighing, magic is in their head
> ...


. 

What I like about instinctual stackings, is it provides a photo filter to the picture of our personality. Sp/Sx is shaded dark, but there's some warmth highlighted in certain areas. I look at it like smoldering ashes: Controlled, yet looking to be sparked. The variant makes your Fe _seem_ underdeveloped. Rather, I think you're looking for the right sense of connectivity to find the passion. This story from you, imo, best encapsulates everything about being INFJ 1w2 4w3 6w7 sp/sx:



> http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/644234-one-night-stands-3.html#post20861378
> I've had 2 if you're counting actual "sex".. several more if you count blow jobs, etc. Gee... some of those nights were pretty naughty - just no penis in the vagina.
> 
> One of them was totally forgettable. The other was the best night ever and I still think of it from time to time. .. It was a random connection at a party. He was sitting quietly in the corner looking at a Playboy. I walked by and said, "they're all fake, you know." We argued a bit and I sat down next to him flipping through the magazine and chatting about all the boobs. I decided that he needed to see mine (they were fantastic)... one thing led to another and we ended up in a park on a blanket. It was the best sex I'd had at that time, and possibly even to this day. Through a friend of a friend, I found out his first name. He didn't know mine! I ran into him again randomly about a year after that.. I spotted him across the bar, he was so fricking hot. He saw me and his face lit up. He ran toward me and gave me a hug.. told me that it was the best night of his life, the best blowjob he'd ever had, by far, and couldn't stop thinking about me. He finally got my first name, and we were trying to figure out a way to leave the bar together, but my roommates swooped in and took me away, like they were protecting me from a bad guy. I was so pissed at them. I was really drunk so they weren't listening to me.. the next day, when we were all sober they realized what they had done.. I still don't know his last name but I always secretly scan the faces at that bar just in case...


You're definitely the person those smut books are written for, haha. The longing is there, but the understanding that you have responsibilities is more important. If you're not happy, divorce your husband and move on. I think you can be happy where you're at, but you've got to want to be. You have to decide what your purpose is and convey that to him. Perhaps you too should go fornicate under a blanket. Or maybe go to a swingers club? I think you're looking to switch that 6w7 to a 7w6, but you're afraid of what might happen. If your husband supports you, then the 7 should develop more naturally. The 6 should stay, however, as that fulfills his needs.

I hope this is a start. Give me feedback, and I can tweak some answers, although I think I've hit the major points.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Ok, you are quite the enigma...
> 
> I hope this is a start. Give me feedback, and I can tweak some answers, although I think I've hit the major points.


Thank you! INFJ is on my short list - but the "F" really throws me for a loop. My T function is really strong, way stronger than F. When I do have strong feelings, I have to think about what to do with them. Logic takes priority over feelings almost every time.So can I still have F in my type? Ti is 3rd function in INFJ.. maybe I have this all confused. 
I'll look again at sp/sx. When I have read descriptions of all the stackings (especially the one on that same page you used) - sx/sp seems to be the best fit.. at least at this point in my life. 

When I first came here and made the post about being unemotional type 4... I was in a small funk.. definitely not manic depressive. There is some of that in my family, and it isn't me. I definitely have big monthly mood swings and feel let down and mopey from time to time, but nothing that severe. 

I don't like the smut books, actually. They're totally boring compared to what is already going on inside my head! haha.

I'll reread all this after I do some thinking. Thanks for your help. I owe you a cupcake!


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

HermioneG said:


> Thank you! INFJ is on my short list - but the "F" really throws me for a loop. My T function is really strong, way stronger than F. When I do have strong feelings, I have to think about what to do with them. Logic takes priority over feelings almost every time.So can I still have F in my type? Ti is 3rd function in INFJ.. maybe I have this all confused.
> I'll look again at sp/sx. When I have read descriptions of all the stackings (especially the one on that same page you used) - sx/sp seems to be the best fit.. at least at this point in my life.
> 
> When I first came here and made the post about being unemotional type 4... I was in a small funk.. definitely not manic depressive. There is some of that in my family, and it isn't me. I definitely have big monthly mood swings and feel let down and mopey from time to time, but nothing that severe.
> ...


You can have strong tertiary Ti, especially at your age. Hell, my Fe, as a judgment, is pretty respectable at 26, and it'll grow from there. Some of your problems might come from lack of using Fe to overpower Ti. By this, Fe is a cognitive judgment. The Feeling functions, however, do not compartmentalize emotions when they make a judgment, while Thinking is _supposed_ to. Ignoring your feelings, at times, is unhealthy for an INFJ which means your judgments might be too rational as opposed to what emotionally motivates you to be ethical. An INTJ using stronger Te and then weaker Fi would be much healthier than the way you describe yourself.

Take your time to reply. A cupcake meme works for me.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

I think she is Te instead of Ti. 

I have a good friend IRL Hermione reminds me a bit of. My IRL friend tested as INTJ, and I believe she is, but I never would have guessed it as first guess.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

INTJ and INFJ both are possibilities.. but several others are still on my short list... i can't bring myself to toss them out. I am not sure about Te vs Ti - I can relate to both. Sometimes I forget how old I am - I forget that the 3rd function has been around awhile.. I know my T is strong but I guess I feel like it has been around forever, but maybe not. It might be stronger now than when I was younger - sometimes now I find myself talking and think "OMG I'm a nerd!" I am not sure I did that as a kid/teenager. I get thinking confused with everything else too - since we're using our brains for all of it - I feel like it is all thinking.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

I found this list somewhere online awhile back. I picked Ni-dom without knowing what MBTI types it went with. My mom picked Fi-dom for me.


Te-dom: bosses other kids around, organizing them into groups to get things done or play specific games.

Fe-dom: talks about how things make them feel, wants to fit in, good at comforting other kids, with a tendency toward open sympathy.

Ne-dom: talks a lot about new ideas, tends to not finish anything they start, has trouble concentrating on one thing for very long.

Se-dom: is always out doing something or engaged in something stimulating, tends to be hyperactive and “fearless.” (You might find them climbing on the roof, or skateboarding down the stairs.)

Ti-dom: logical, detached, likes to take things apart to see how they work. Can be blunt and don’t understand why something is an insult. Tends to ask a lot of questions about… everything.

Fi-dom: very sensitive and compassionate, but not always forthcoming with what has made them upset. Tends to resist doing things they do not want to do.

Ni-dom: imaginative and inventive, with thoughts out of the blue no spurred by external reality; learns new things quickly and is easily bored if nothing in their environment changes.

Si-dom: likes specific instructions and to be shown how to do things before trying them out; cares very much about their external environment, and is upset and caught at a loss if their routine is disturbed or someone acts out of character


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

that description of Ni dom also describes me. But Ne does also.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

Drunk Parrot said:


> Also, if your husband is ISFJ, it'd probably be easier to agree on judgment decisions, if you're an INFJ. Perhaps there are a lot of INTJ-ISFJ marriages, but it does seem strange.


Our marriage is odd.. Marriage has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We don't see eye to eye on much at all actually but over the years we've found happy medium on most things. Despite that, I feel trapped and smothered quite often. I stick it out for HIS happiness and for the benefit of our kids. They aren't aware of the worst of it - it's all in me, or it is related to topics that are never discussed around them (sex mostly!) He is convinced I am a 4 (he's the one that introduced me to enneagram). He sees the unhealthy 4 more than anyone - he might actually be the only one that sees it. He read INTJ and INFJ and doesn't think either are a fit for me. Not sure what that means, I guess. Either he is the only one that sees the real me, or I am just very different around him because of my built up frustration.



Drunk Parrot said:


> Being type 1 might make it seem a little hazy. You've already indicated you're 1w2 and I would agree with that. You even predict your tritype to be 147. I've always wanted to see that tritype as I imagine they'd be the most internally chaotic.


I feel internally chaotic. All the time. 



Drunk Parrot said:


> It even sounds like *you have to wear a mask,* at times, in order to please the people around you. What's especially interesting, it how much you crave connection, but do not find it easily. Disintegration to 4 is the unhealthy way to find it. *You think you must be unique in order for people to like you. *Uniqueness can be a part of you, as that 2 wing suggests it is necessary for you to discover yourself. However, the dominant 1 means your uniqueness must be realized through excitement and experiencing the joys of life.
> 
> Following rules and being uptight, all the time, leads to static arrested development and a lost of taste. Inferior Se plays a role, here, as you might* envision (Ni) what could be (Se), but you are paralyzed to pursue it. *You want to please others and cultivate connection, but perhaps the *fear of consequences is too high*?


Yes to all this. I feel like the life I live is good but pales in comparison to the fantasies I have.. what I would do if I decided to be selfish and put myself before others. I am trying to chill out, have fun, and enjoy new things in a way that is reasonable - I don't want to hurt others. I am trying to find a happy medium.



Drunk Parrot said:


> I think you can be happy where you're at, but you've got to want to be. You have to decide what your purpose is and convey that to him. Perhaps you too should go fornicate under a blanket. Or maybe go to a swingers club? I think you're looking to switch that 6w7 to a 7w6, but you're afraid of what might happen. If your husband supports you, then the 7 should develop more naturally. The 6 should stay, however, as that fulfills his needs.


He is extremely insecure and clingy. We fornicate often, but I am reserved. I can't fully relax and enjoy. I can't fully share all fantasies because they make him insecure. I am judged. We've added some spice lately, but it is more for him to feel like he is indulging me, when I could take it or leave it. He's entertaining the idea of swinging, but the talk of it is enough for him. I don't see it ever actually happening. If it does, i think it will backfire and make him even more insecure. 95% of what we've got going on is great. I feel I SHOULD be happy. Sometimes I think I might be happy, but never fully. I feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting something more or different.



drmiller100 said:


> I think she is Te instead of Ti.
> 
> I have a good friend IRL Hermione reminds me a bit of. My IRL friend tested as INTJ, and I believe she is, but I never would have guessed it as first guess.


Your avatar is really throwing me for a loop. On my phone, I couldn't tell what it was but I suppose it will grow on me.

Ti vs Te.. again I am not sure. I'd love to hang out with all y'all for a day or three! Maybe you could figure me out then.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

HermioneG said:


> Ti vs Te.. again I am not sure. I'd love to hang out with all y'all for a day or three! Maybe you could figure me out then.


Ok, so can we settle on 1w2, then? Also, I can much easily discern types in person. I like doing it online, because if I can do well from just reading words, then taking in non-verbal cues adds a whole new dimension.



> He is extremely insecure and clingy. We fornicate often, but I am reserved. I can't fully relax and enjoy. I can't fully share all fantasies because they make him insecure. I am judged. We've added some spice lately, but it is more for him to feel like he is indulging me, when I could take it or leave it. He's entertaining the idea of swinging, but the talk of it is enough for him. I don't see it ever actually happening. If it does, i think it will backfire and make him even more insecure. 95% of what we've got going on is great. I feel I SHOULD be happy. Sometimes I think I might be happy, but never fully. I feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting something more or different.


I'll admit, I'm having a hard time extracting Te or Ti from a lot of your posts. I really did not like your descriptions you posted, in an earlier post. Way to general so I'll try to be more specific.

Fe notices whats appropriate and takes social context into consideration. Strong Fe pays attention to voice inflection, body language, and notices if people are following social cues. With Ni, it's less about good manners and more about dignity. With 1w2, Fe would be graceful, but firm in its conviction. The conviction is based on what's right and expects others to keep any non-conforming emotions in check, when the atmosphere is polite and welcoming. I think Fe, for you, because you seem to acknowledge what is socially necessary. You're hesitant in discussing things with your husband because you feel it would hurt him and you would prefer to respectful. 

Fi, in contrast, strives to be genuine, regardless of the environment. If things are not going well, an Fi user does not feel they should have to hide it. Their judgment is based on authenticity of the ethics. The idea of putting on a mask to accommodate others in repulsive. Both Fi & Fe can be highly empathetic, but it comes out in different ways. Fe is more comforting while Fi is more sincere. Fe wants to help a person, who is hurt, and build their spirits up. Fi, on the other hand, encourages a person to be real and let it out. Being appropriate doesn't matter if the feelings are sincere. At its worse, Fe gossips about others, mandates social hierarchy, & nitpicks at supposed displays of rudeness, by another person. Meanwhile, Fi develops a "Woe is Me" attitude, gets offended easily, & separates people into good or bad. These aspects are more likely to define dom or aux users, rather than tertiary.

Te strives for efficiency, even at the loss of objectivity, while Ti does the opposite. A Te user gathers facts and delivers their judgment as imperative. Ti does not mind being open-ended as it prefers to leave the discussion open for any additional data that strengthens an argument. As a Ti user, I might get annoyed if someone makes a statement that clearly ignores contrary facts. Te, on the other hand, might get annoyed if someone is stretching their argument to accommodate all sides. They believe there is a clear answer, which is why extraneous information sounds like someone is making excuses for why their wrong.

My boss is an INTJ. Both her and I might think some policies are unnecessary, but she enforces them because chaos would ensue otherwise. I would prefer to just rip up any policy I consider dumb and start from scratch. If I tweak a shared spreadsheet, she might not like it because I did it without permission. She's also a type 5 so unexpected changes freak her out haha. As an INTJ, she will answer quickly if she likes something or not. When she's being cognitive, she's precise and gets to the point. Emotionally, she'll wear her moods in the office and sincerely expresses her feelings. If a professional situation came up, while she's in a mood, she'll place it on the side to focus on the best rational course of action. An INFJ will be more diplomatic and prefers being cordial, at the work place, rather than being direct.

I'm still leaning Fe+Ti, for you, but I'm not too dogmatic about it.


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## redneck15 (Mar 21, 2011)

@HermioneG You are Ni dom pretty much for sure. I recognize them by this smart but narrow minded vibe they give me. Not to knock them, but they have a lot of preconceptions ime. And the world through their eyes has this constricted feel, when I read books from Ni pov I want to introduce some random event for comic relief, like instead of finishing the drama the protagonist randomly quits her job and becomes a pizza delivery person in L.A. There is an inevitability and smooth progression of events with no break that is very distinctive.

As for Ni Fe vs Ni Te, you feel Fe. In line with Drunken Parrot. No INTJ woman I know would ever marry an ISFJ. I've seen them marry NT men and ESFP, not a lot else. ESFP is usually like their hotness ideal, although to be fair ESFP men are usually up there with most women, but some of them go for intellectual connection anyway. 

This is based on 5 or 6 INTJs, so take that for what it's worth.

On the other hand, INFJ I have minimal experience with. Known 2, but they are harder to analyze because they put up a front, much like ENFJ. INTJNis not really capable of that. They are usually unfeminine by traditional definition, or just super quiet or anti social. Whereas INFJ might like the bar scene, I can't see an INTJ liking it. INTJ is awful at initiating, which is why male ones are so socially awkward or at least anti social. Female is better at covering, but still not an ace.


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## Parrot (Feb 22, 2015)

URLteenth said:


> @HermioneG You are Ni dom pretty much for sure. I recognize them by this smart but narrow minded vibe they give me. Not to knock them, but they have a lot of preconceptions ime. And the world through their eyes has this constricted feel, when I read books from Ni pov I want to introduce some random event for comic relief, like instead of finishing the drama the protagonist randomly quits her job and becomes a pizza delivery person in L.A. There is an inevitability and smooth progression of events with no break that is very distinctive.


Hey, I'll help you out with your type, after reading that first paragraph, Mr ENTP.


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