# Do you ever feel completely disgusted with your physical appearance?



## fihe (Aug 30, 2012)

I would like to ask the PerC community: has your disgust with your face and/or body caused you to do impulsive or irrational things? Do you, on some days, not want anyone to be subjected to seeing your ghastly appearance? For anyone, does it get in the way of your everyday routine, or doing ordinary tasks?

I suppose the most impulsive/irrational thing I have done was delete all my photos of myself online and on my computer a few times because at that moment, I felt so awful about myself that I did not want to look at pictures of myself and did not want anyone else to either. that's part of why I deleted all my social networking pages, except for my Tumblr but no one really follows me on there anyway.

I don't recall any instance where my insecurities of my face and body have prevented me from doing things like going to work and runnings errands outside of the house, but it's true that I won't leave the house without at least some makeup, and try to avoid wearing my glasses outside of the house whenever possible.


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## BlissfulDreams (Dec 25, 2009)

I struggled with this throughout adolescence. I despised my appearance. I felt like I was so ugly and disgusting and thought I was cruel to subject people to seeing my face. I was irrational and would hide from mirrors and cameras. This greatly interfered with my life. If people took photos of me, I would cry. I even destroyed every photo that I could find from about age 11-17.

I think I have some degree of body dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror or at photos, I probably don't see the same thing that others see. Things have gotten better since my teen years. I can stand the occasional photo and looking in the mirror doesn't make me rage like it did before. But I still obsess over things like my skin, nose, lips, and body.


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## fihe (Aug 30, 2012)

ah @BlissfulDreams, I feel the same way about the body dysmorphia thing, and now that I think about it, I hate it when other people take pictures of me. I only will take photos of myself, and even then I need several takes to get a good one.

I'm a bit upset I deleted all my digital photos dating back to more than about two years ago, just because I've lost a lot of weight since then and would have liked to have some "fat pictures" for reference.


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## chronicprocrastina (Sep 23, 2012)

I've got a close friend who's just like this. Every day is hell for him. He can barely hold down a job because he's convinced he looks like a pile of shit and he worries that everyone is always laughing at him. Sometimes he interprets what complete strangers are saying to each other as they pass by to be harmful slanders directed at his "ghastly" appearance. He always complains to me about it, and although I sometimes get annoyed with him, I really feel for him because he's actually really good looking but for some reason he just doesn't see it. His BDD makes him completely illogical and paranoid. 

When he's really down on himself, I always tell him that no person really thinks of themselves as good looking. I remember reading something about how Johnny Depp is so conscious of himself that he won't even watch his own movies. Also I've heard that Robert Pattinson considers himself to be ugly meat. And if super attractive actors like these are so pessimistic about their appearance, he's in good company. You guys as well. Also, I tell him that, even IF it were true that he's ugly (I always make sure to stress the hypothetical since he's very sensitive and doesn't take speculation on this matter very lightly), it shouldn't matter because no one really disrespects people on the basis of appearance. If weird looking ugly people like Rosie O'Donnell, Marilyn Manson, and Lyle Lovett can be respected on a national scale, there's no sense in thinking that one's appearance is a major impediment. 

If worse comes to worse you can always attract a lover with money too. Just sayin, it sometimes helps.


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## Vanderlyle (Jan 19, 2012)

The BBC did a documentary on Body Dysmorphic Disorder and I just watched it the other day. They had three different people who had handled their extreme BDD very differently and the was to try and get them to overcome their BDD. It was really interesting how each of the people coped differently.


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## surra (Oct 1, 2012)

I was really, really obsessed with my appearance in my early teens. I wasted years agonizing my appearance.. I think being bullied for overweight changed something inside me. Looking back on these times I think I had body dysmorphic disorder of some sorts. I was way too withdrawn from the world because of my appearance and have lost many normal life experiences, because I was simply too ashamed of my appearance to show up. I had a really twisted body image and avoided mirrors. When I finally took a good long look of myself half-naked I realized I didn't look half as fat I thought and when I took measures of my waist and hips, they correlated with average measures of women in my country. It was like snapping out from a haze. 

It was never just my weight that bothered me but everything in my eyes, nose, lips, etc. I still hate my face and think I'm profoundly ugly. But I've simply stopped (or some days, _trying _to stop) from caring. I have uploaded photos of me online during the summer to appear more approachable on some websites. Even if I receive positive comments about my appearance, I really don't care about them. It's just simply not true that I'm pretty or anything, I think they have bad taste in women or the photos look better than reality. And I don't really care about appearance as much as I used to. I don't value other people by their appearance, never have, even though I worship beautiful women... But it goes against my values, I think. 

Just earlier this evening I wondered why in the world I envy so much beautiful women.. it just appears they have everything in their life so much better than mine. I know logically, this isn't (always) true, but I still get these moments when I wish I were them and had their appearance.


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## ParetoCaretheStare (Jan 18, 2012)

Both my parents are very attractive. Both my brothers are tall and model-like. I'm the ball of fat stuck in between all of this beauty. My face is offbeat looking without makeup. Strangers comment on how I have a "ghetto" walk. I'm offbeat in general, and a lot of people can't handle my personality. I used sex as a way to cope with my feelings about myself ever since I was fifteen. When I was thirteen I had exercise bulimia and all I ever thought about was how to burn calories. I'd sit in eighth grade english class staring at my folded right leg, making sure the fat didn't bulge too much.


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## Glenda Gnome Starr (May 12, 2011)

I spent years thinking that I was ugly. People even told me that I was ugly. I figured that people would like me if I were tall and gorgeous. Unfortunately, tall was not an option. This is still a problem area for me.


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## dancingmoonbaby (Oct 4, 2012)

Oh yes definitely especially through my tween/teenage years, the media wasn't exactly helpful either, society tells us that we have to look a certain way to be beautiful and blah blah blah, and although there's still many things I don't like about myself. I'm slowly become more accepting of my "flaws", as I suppose they make me "me". We also see ourselves differently to how others see us...


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## StellarTwirl (Jul 1, 2012)

fihe said:


> I would like to ask the PerC community: has your disgust with your face and/or body caused you to do impulsive or irrational things? ...



I just need to tell you that you are lovely, and it's very likely that when you are much, much older and come to a different perception of yourself--one that has been altered by the broadening of experience and perspective--you may wish you'd been able to see your positive qualities (not just your appearance ... I mean ALL of them).

It might help to imagine your future self observing your current self. She'd have far more beautiful and caring things to say about you than you have now.  



(...and apologies if this is unwanted advice, but I just had to say it)


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## DaDiggler (Oct 1, 2012)

If you are a woman I can guarantee you that you are not ugly. If you are a man and think you have BDD you are SOL. Looks are more important for men than it is for women.


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## fihe (Aug 30, 2012)

surra said:


> Just earlier this evening I wondered why in the world I envy so much beautiful women.. it just appears they have everything in their life so much better than mine. I know logically, this isn't (always) true, but I still get these moments when I wish I were them and had their appearance.


yes, sometimes I feel like if I were beautiful, all of my problems would magically become solutions!



DaDiggler said:


> If you are a woman I can guarantee you that you are not ugly. If you are a man and think you have BDD you are SOL. Looks are more important for men than it is for women.


wait, what? some women are ugly though.

Maybe all of us in this thread can get plastic surgery. Let's hold a fundraiser!


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## LarinLazet (Aug 4, 2012)

Surprisingly, adolescence had the opposite effect on me. I previously hated how I looked, but I wasn't at the age where I would have pictures taken of myself unless they were school photos. However, back then, I used to try to avoid picture day and pictures at all cost. I never let my family buy any of the photos (they did anyway, but only once), and I told anybody who tried to take photos of me, that by law, I wasn't allowed to be in photos because my parents didn't sign the consent form. People called me ugly, I thought I was ugly,etc. 

I just generally disliked my own face. During my adolescent years, I realized if I thought I was ugly, then who would think I wasn't? So, I just sat down and focused on what I liked in my face, and how it fit with my other features, rather than against them. Little by little, I realized how they came together to make me unique, and it's not a problem anymore. I don't think I'm pretty, but I'm not ugly. I'm just average, and fine with it. Looking back on my photos, I can see how I grew up to be what I am now, rather than "I have a huge nose." or "I have crooked teeth.". The same face I used to think was ugly is actually quite adorable. 

Perception of yourself changes things greatly.


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## Vibed (Oct 11, 2012)

It may have been because of how my mom would always tell me, but I think I'm a pretty handsome guy. Maybe not stunning but a cut above the rest. Definitely had a few times where girls would take a second glance or chat me up.

It's the facial scarring that I'm worried about. Shaving, light acne that I am stupid enough to pick at, etc. Not to mention I have quite a few scars on my arms and legs from mosquitos...


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## Elvira (Dec 1, 2011)

Aw  I never really understood the depth to which people internalize their feelings of body image. Luckily, I never felt incredibly self-conscious about my body. People told me that I was pretty, but I considered it to be kind of a "girl-next door" type of pretty. I've been blessed with an athletic frame and quick metabolism lol.

However, one summer I gained a substantial amount of weight and felt pretty disgusted with myself. It never let me to do anything irrational or impulsive though. 

It's kind of ironic though, because if you are depressed, your body can secrete cortisol and actually make you gain weight, which just fuels your frustration with body image. I think that's why a lot of people say that even if you are overweight, you have to be happy and love yourself the way you are and then take the first step forward to becoming healthier.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

I still struggle with this. It takes time to really accept your own body.


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## Saira (Feb 2, 2012)

Oh god, yes! I feel physically sick and depressed for a couple of days after I see a bad photo of me, and there were so many times I wasn't able to get out of the house, even after a couple of hours of putting on make up, choosing clothes, etc. I feel like I need to be absolutely perfect to be pretty, even though I know how stupid and irrational that reasoning is. I've been diagnozed with BDD, but you sound like a very normal woman, so I believe you don't have it. I'd really, really like to help you, but I can't even help myself, so I don't know what advice I could give you.  Perhaps to try to keep yourself busy so that you don't have time to think about your appearance. Also, try building up confidence on other fronts first. Don't neglect other sides of your life just because of one problem, however big it might seem.

BDD or not, it's true that we're our own harshest critics. I'm constantly amazed by how other people consider me to be stunning, and don't notice any of those flaws that make me want to chop off my head. Right now what bothers me the most is the confusion - who should I trust: me or others? Try asking your friends to honestly tell you how do you look, you might be pleasantly surprized. When I complain about my appearance, my friends laugh at me as if I said I was a rainbow-colored magical cangaroo from Jupiter.



fihe said:


> yes, sometimes I feel like if I were beautiful, all of my problems would magically become solutions!


_This_. Sometimes, when I'm depressed and my brain bids me farewell, this is all I can think about. But that assumption is so flawed I won't even bother saying why, you can dismiss it as complete bullshit.


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## DaDiggler (Oct 1, 2012)

fihe said:


> yes, sometimes I feel like if I were beautiful, all of my problems would magically become solutions!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well I guess some women are ugly but it's really rare. Even if you are ugly it does not put you at a disadvantage in anything. A lot of men will still find you attractive. The stereotype is that the looks of a man don't matter, and looks matter for women, but it's the other way around.






Also I dare you to show me an ugly female, that doesn't have an illness.


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## 2GiveMyHeart2 (Jan 2, 2012)

I remember a particular evangelist speaking at a woman's conference about how women who are having body issues and one particular topic he talked about was a joke about Barbie:
"I feel bad for you women who played with Barbie as little girls. Let me tell you something. Barbie bad. 36-24-36. Barbie bad. Barbie gotta house, Barbie gotta corvette, Barbie got Ken, and Barbie got every occupation under the sun. Barbie bad! And for you women of color, it was Malibu Barbie-Barbie with a suntan. Barbie bad. Say, 'She a doll.' She ain't real either!"


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## kiskadee (Jan 9, 2009)

Some days I feel like the only person who _hasn't_ ever had any real insecurities about their looks.


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