# When have you felt the loneliest?



## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

I'm just thinking that the times I felt the most lonely wasn't so much whether there was people to interact with but rather my anxiousness that I didn't feel comfortable with enough people to share the things important to me. It came from a fear to be more uncensored about myself with others.

What was happening when you felt the loneliest you ever been?


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

when me mum died
left a huge hole in me soul


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## VinnieB (Mar 3, 2015)

The moments when I didn't feel well in my head, but I was too ashamed to share it with others because I thought they wouldn't understand. Heck, _I_ don't always understand what goes on in there.


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## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

I get lonely for no reason sometimes, especially at night. I hate when it happens because I don't know why it does.


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

Often, when I'm surrounded by people. 

I'm... not very social. But I go out often enough - always alone. Movies, clubs to see bands, restaurants, art gallery, whatever. Often enough, I'll eventually start looking around and being very cognizant of the fact that I'm basically the only one there who's with nobody else, or I'll be in the gallery looking at some really neat exhibit and start thinking to myself about how it'd be great if I could share this with someone else. 

That's around when the loneliness starts to hit quite hard.


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## Eudaimonia (Sep 24, 2013)

The loneliest time in my life when I was dealing with someone close to me who was mentally unraveling and lashing out and I didn't know what to do for him. There was no one to reach out to who understood what was happening and what to do about it. Even the psychiatrists weren't all that helpful. I felt completely isolated and I ended up shutting down and staying permanently locked inside my head for relief from what was happening around me.


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

Well, when sometimes I look at the sky in the afternoon, or at night. I see the stars, and how the universe is so... great!
And suddenly I wanna get out of my house and travel to discover everything in the world and tell everybody how I'm feeling, and make them understand exactly how I think. I feel so finite in these situations, and remember that I don't have too much time to know everything I wanna discover 

OK, it is weird :frustrating:


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## cotti (Aug 24, 2014)

I often feel the loneliest. It happens almost everytime i get back home after being with some friends of mine ( or around many people): before going out i am kind of enthusiast and happy, but when it all ends i figure out it wasn't as i expected. I am very different from all my friends, not only because of my psycologichal type, but it's due too my ideas as well (morality, ecc..). I don't get depressed though, i just accept this feeling as it's the reverse of a coin


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

When I had to stay at a hostel five days a week during school weeks was the loneliest I have ever been in my life so far.(Many school students stayed there because school was too far from home) My mum wasn't able to look after us for personal reasons so she suddenly decided to move. But honestly I don't think her reasons were fair. 
Anyway I only found out two days before I had to move in, and it was abruptly in the middle of school year. I didn't know anyone there and no-one else staying there or at school really noticed. I started to make friends at the beginning of the next school term because they were new there too. But until then I literally didn't talk to anyone for five days a week. I noticed being around people helped slightly, but not much. It was strange how it affected me, and I couldn't have been anymore desperate to go back home during weekends. 

But normally when I feel alone I don't even realize it, I just bottle up feelings subconsciously until it comes out, and then don't understand at the time why I was feeling that way.


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## Vox (Mar 16, 2012)

I feel lonely whenever I actually stop and think about my relationships and (automatically) start comparing them to others'. But I don't really know where the variance in intensity comes from, especially now that it's not happening as often. Maybe increased proximity/immediacy of people who look like they have wonderful relationships. As long as I don't get that reminder, I don't actually feel lonely most of the time. Just limited on social resources, like getting hungry but not being able to easily get food at the moment.

There was also a time during adolescence when I was supremely frustrated because it felt like no one could understand me. That's a different feeling of loneliness, though. A feeling of confinement rather than a crushing absence.


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## ECM (Apr 8, 2015)

Never ever felt lonely, till the moment I fell deep in love with someone who doesn't love me back. That really takes its toll at times.


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## AdInfinitum (Oct 21, 2014)

Honestly, I felt the loneliest when I had failed to pass the admission exam in med school and all my life shattered around me in a grip of a second, nothing about those aspect I thought I would not ever lose made sense anymore and I realized I was truly alone. Cold stone alone, trapped at the grip of others and manipulated. I am still slightly recovering but slowly.


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## TheEpicPolymath (Dec 5, 2014)

Ever since I was a child


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## WaitForMe (May 10, 2015)

When I found out my best friends weren't really my best friends. I mean sure, we were still friends, but I realized that they had been constantly hanging out together, always going out for coffee or to see a movie on the weekends, and totally forgetting about me. I thought we were like the four musketeers, but apparently three's company, four's a crowd. I am afraid of confrontation, so I cannot say anything to them, but I know they aren't really there for me. There was a day when this guy in my class posted this really mean thing about me on his social media, and I found it and was on the brink of tears all day. Plenty of people came up to me and tried to comfort me, even this guy who I had never spoken to but somewhat knew, but none of my "best" friends did.


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## Buttahfly (Jul 30, 2013)

I feel hurting loneliness whenever I'm in love with someone and that person is mad at me, ignoring me or something along those lines. Just not being able to communicate with the person because of whatever reason also hurts me. Apart from that I just feel very light levels of loneliness quickly healed by some chatting or even watching television.


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## Ninjaws (Jul 10, 2014)

At my birthday a couple of years ago. I suddenly felt completely alone. I had never felt that depressed before.


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## Wayside (Nov 29, 2012)

I am alone a lot of the time and I honestly never feel lonely. It is difficult for me to recall what loneliness even feels like. When I am with people and have the energy for it, it makes me really happy to feel connected to them, but I don't feel like I am suffering from a lack of connection to others when I am alone. Even my desire/motivation to connect with others generally when I am alone is pretty low to non-existent. I do want to connect with specific people in my life, but it is because I am thinking of something particular about them and what's going on in their life, or want to share something with them. But honestly, anticipating that re-connection can be just as satisfying (sometimes more so) than actually connecting with them, so I never get to a place of feeling sad because I can't connect with them.

I think the closest thing to loneliness I experience is embarrassment and self-consciousness about being alone. But that is more anxiety than feeling sad about a lack of connectedness. That can be brought on by any situation where my alone-ness is or could come to the attention of others.

I do remember feeling lonely when I was child, which would happen when I was away from home, or I was upset about something that no one noticed or understood. I also used to think about dying a lot when I was a child and that made me feel very lonely.


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## Laze (Feb 19, 2015)

Every night. It all started after I experienced loosing someone I knew I could fall in love with. Very cheesy I know, and yes, it does make me want to punch myself in the nose after merely typing it, but it's the fucking truth. I've never been the same since, and don't think it's a hole that will ever fill in.

It's not all bad though, as it was through all the confusing notions that I began to become curious about how everything worked, why I felt the way I did, and why our relationship went to shit. In a way, it was kind of the inception for most of my apparent INTP traits, though I was always an introverted thinker, just not to the extent I was after this experience.

Edit: having re-read this it made it sound like someone died, that's not the case, it was just me being a young idiot.


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

I guess the state of existential loneliness never truly leaves, though it's more of a background presence. 

But I get hit the hardest when I try to convey something that's personally meaningful to me to someone else, and my thoughts/emotions on the subject are dismissed with little to no consideration. Or when not outright dismissed, responded to in a way that makes me regret saying anything to them at all. It's fine if they don't agree with my perspective, but I notice that many people often do not separate the idea from the person, and their speech/conclusions tend to attack me personally (use of "you"-accusatory type statements) rather than the idea or thought they might not agree with. That sort of thing is a surefire way to get me to stop talking to that specific individual, because it brings up very negative emotions of that damnable fear being confirmed, that no one really does understand, and at worst make me start thinking no one will ever understand and I shouldn't bother trying to express anything ever again (but of course that isn't true). The underlying vulnerability is already hard to deal with, but that reinforcement of it has the most effective alienating effect. Probably a self-esteem issue at its base and not really an external problem.


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## TTIOTBSAL (May 26, 2014)

The more there are people, the lonelier. Or in a relationship with no communication. 

It' communication the real problem for me, I think, and it comes a lot from me. The more people there are, the more I see how easy it is for them. 
Bored, anxious. 

It made me understand the fear of loneliness is not necessarily related to being alone physically, or lack of contact. And that staying alone is pushing away that feeling the same way those who fear physical loneliness do.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

***


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

Pilot said:


> When I first started going to movies and restaurants by myself. It's much easier to recognize lonliness when you find yourself enjoying an experience and then realize you've no one to share it with.
> 
> On the bright side, I've learned people tend to assume something awful has happened when they see a woman sitting by herself in a restaurant. I usually get treated extra nice by staff.


It sounds like one of us is confused about your gender...


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> After awakening to the realization that during the last 5 years you've grown so far apart that you're lucky to spend a couple hours together daily.
> Yep there's nothing quite like being in a marriage that causes you to feel abandoned, yet having no outlet to ease the pain of your loneliness & having to face the inevitable end. GREAT TIMES!


Yeah, it sucks. However, I'm living proof that a couple can experience such a huge disconnect and still work it out and have a great marriage.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

***


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

niss said:


> It sounds like one of us is confused about your gender...


Hahaha. I'm a woman. I sometimes just change it on here out of boredom.

I always thought my diction gave it away anyways. Guess not.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> Congratulations that's great for you, but right now life sucks for me & sorry that I'm venting some of my pain on this thread.


Dude, I'm with you - BTDT and I know it sucks - big time. Some of the worst pain I've ever experienced; no lie.

I'm not making light, but I am saying it can work out. But working it out together, or working out alone, it ain't ever easy.

Wishing better times for you.


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

Pilot said:


> Hahaha. I'm a woman. I sometimes just change it on here out of boredom.
> 
> I always thought my diction gave it away anyways. Guess not.


I guess I looked at a time when you were posting under the "male" gender. I filed it away and never checked again. 

Any dissonance in gender/posting style was put down to misinterpretation on my part.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

Pretty much similar to what you're describing. When a lot was going on inside my head, dealing with lots of anxiety as well, but didn't feel comfortable sharing it with anyone else, or know even know how to share it with others, its an isolating feeling.


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## Immolate (Mar 8, 2015)

When people you've trusted for years put you aside.
When you don't have anyone to turn to during rough nights.

Eugh.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

niss said:


> Dude, I'm with you - BTDT and I know it sucks - big time. Some of the worst pain I've ever experienced; no lie.
> 
> I'm not making light, but I am saying it can work out. But working it out together, or working out alone, it ain't ever easy.
> 
> Wishing better times for you.


I didn't think you were making light, I respect you & your opinion, I remember reading an older comment of yours describing some difficulties of marriage.

Sorry man I made the mistake of letting some hurt escape this evening, I'm gonna delete my comment & revert to suffering in silence.


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> I didn't think you were making light, I respect you & your opinion, I remember reading an older comment of yours describing some difficulties of marriage.
> 
> Sorry man I made the mistake of letting some hurt escape this evening, I'm gonna delete my comment & revert to suffering in silence.


I didn't read your original reply, but was feeling the same about my original post and deleted it too...


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## Juggernaut (Jul 9, 2012)

The amount of times I have been singled out for not feeling the way I am _supposed_ to.

"Aren't you excited?"
"I am looking forward to it."
"Jesus, do you feel _anything_?!"


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

conscius said:


> I didn't read your original reply, but was feeling the same about my original post and deleted it too...


 Sorry that I missed your original post on this thread. I deleted mine because it kinda escaped during a moment of weakness, I've a friend helping me through the lows but she can't be there for me 24/7 & I feel horrible that I can't repay her kindness.

I can feel myself losing control over escaping feelings, I think it's time for me to retire from PerC before I get too much worse. Can you act upon my request here or must I send you a pm?


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## conscius (Apr 20, 2010)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> Sorry that I missed your original post on this thread. I deleted mine because it kinda escaped during a moment of weakness, I've a friend helping me through the lows but she can't be there for me 24/7 & I feel horrible that I can't repay her kindness.
> 
> I can feel myself losing control over escaping feelings, I think it's time for me to retire from PerC before I get too much worse. Can you act upon my request here or must I send you a pm?


I hope you feel better soon. I don't think it's wrong to post emotional stuff obviously, but for me it was just making me anxious cause reminding me of one of worst times in my life, something I would call very "triggering." I know some people have other reasons for not sharing, like if they feel they won't get support or feel invalidated by responses to their posts. 

In any case, I have forwarded your retirement request to the admin.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

conscius said:


> I hope you feel better soon. I don't think it's wrong to post emotional stuff obviously, but for me it was just making me anxious cause reminding me of one of worst times in my life, something I would call very "triggering." I know some people have other reasons for not sharing, like if they feel they won't get support or feel invalidated by responses to their posts.
> 
> In any case, I have forwarded your retirement request to the admin.


Sorry for those damn escaping feels & thanks for everything else. Happy trails man.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

niss said:


> I guess I looked at a time when you were posting under the "male" gender. I filed it away and never checked again.
> 
> Any dissonance in gender/posting style was put down to misinterpretation on my part.


Sorry about that. Didn't mean to make things more complicated. :/


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## Gilfoyle (Jan 19, 2015)

I'm not sure just when I was the loneliest, because I've felt quite lonely most of my life. But maybe between grade nine and twelve it was the worst. Friendless, broken family, depression, eating disorder, no emotional support from my parents, lived alone. I remember fantasizing about having an SO around that time. Just somebody who loved me and openly showed me that they did, was the one thing that I wanted the most. All my relationships around that time (platonic that is) were toxic in the way that I hated myself, and people around me delt with it the way that they told me exactly what they found was wrong about me in annoyance and a wish for change. It took time to get out of that, but I did. Mostly with the help of that SO who finally came around years later. (On a side note, he didn't knowingly help me, nor intentionally. He just loved me and that was all that it took.)


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

Right after I moved out of my parents house, I quit my job (brilliant!). I love my parents, but I figured that they would have been really angry with me*, so I didn't really tell them or talk to them much. Also got dumped at the same time. I got out of the apartment to exercise, but pretty much just isolated myself aside from that. Drank a lot more than I do now, and also deprived myself of sleep intentionally. It wasn't a good look. 

*they have always been very obsessed with my job status, to the point of getting angry with me irrationally when I don't take a job, or quit one even when I had one lined up.


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## Hypaspist (Feb 11, 2012)

When my parents are on the other side of the atlantic (for a long vacation). I know they're coming back, but thinking about them being not physically near me set off a chain reaction of thoughts that led to the lack of a partner, my future, and other uncomfortable thoughts. 

Basically had a panic attack and couldn't stop it despite cussing at myself and trying to mentally beat the emotion out of myself with as much force as possible.


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## JadeSage (May 22, 2015)

My boyfriend and I were in the same room together. He was online playing games and I was laying on the bed. I wish he could understand how intensely sad and lonely I feel when he is seemingly absorbed by his games


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## Ren_in_the_rain (Jun 3, 2015)

Miharu said:


> I get lonely for no reason sometimes, especially at night. I hate when it happens because I don't know why it does.


This is such a familiar story. I love the night time and often have trouble sleeping. I used to go on long walks in the dark and daydream about people I'd like to know to talk to, but they never materialized. I'm glad to know other people experience the random nighttime melancholy.


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## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

Ren_in_the_rain said:


> This is such a familiar story. I love the night time and often have trouble sleeping. I used to go on long walks in the dark and daydream about people I'd like to know to talk to, but they never materialized. I'm glad to know other people experience the random nighttime melancholy.


I usually like alone time at night, but there are just really random nights when I feel the loneliest. It's overwhelming and as if it's like suddenly I realise that I'm alone even if I'm not. It is a rather weird feeling, though I'm so much better at handling it now. I just shrug it off and do something. If you actually think about it, it just gets worse. I have cried about it years ago, not willing to do the same now.


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## MissMo (Jun 3, 2015)

When I was at a club with my friends (against my wishes), all the guys around picked up each and every one of my friends. So most of them were either on the floor or they left. Poor me, who was ultimately bored played sudoku in the corner... all by myself. I left in about 10 min. 
I like being alone and all that, but being weirdly alone in the club with sudoku for company, is a whole different level. Never doing that again... unless its my favorite band's concert. Then everyone can go to hell for all I care  cause I'll be too busy head banging.


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## Obscure (May 20, 2013)

Being alone is comfortable, enjoyable, and rejuvenating. But being lonely is not that nice of a feeling. No matter how much you love and appreciate yourself, you need people. Speaking of myself, people prejudge me with this absolute misanthrope person who hates to go out. To some extent yes, but it wouldn't hurt if they ask me first if I wanna go out or not. I just don't like to do things when I don't feel like it. Even so, I go out there and mingle with those whom I like from now and then. I don't sit and get all grumpy and emo that I'm lonely. However, there are some times when I feel super lonely but this time I can't do anything about it. I feel years are passing and I'm having less time left of loving and caring about a possible love target. Could be a man, an adopted child, a sweet pet, idk. I feel there's love potential in me that's wasting. Yes I do care about my family, friends, plants, accomplishments etc but I always wanted to have a human instead of an extra hugging pillow when I go to sleep. There are a lot of pillows out there to be with if I want to but I can't live with myself if I have one just for the sake of it. I also feel lonely mostly when I'm ignored. I'm considered a strong and dependable person who can manage herself and others well. This actually hurts a bit XD I never get asked about how I am like everyone, never get pushes because they think oooooo I'm so strong I don't need any support, and I never get phone calls like my sister or cousins do from their parents when they're out. I could head out to the kitchen to drink something and see the house completely empty. Loneliness is again very different than solitary bus rides and me times.


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## dracula (Apr 5, 2015)

I don't feel lonely when I'm alone, provided that in general there's enough social interaction. I do feel lonely when I'm in a group where everyone else is very good friends with each other and I only know one person and they keep talking about their inside stuff - luckily I don't end up in a situation like this too often anymore since I've gotten to know my friends' friends better, making some of them mine as well. I don't have a problem with this kind of groups if they acknowledge my efforts and are considerate enough to include me in the discussion.


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## Diminuendo (Jun 1, 2015)

MissMo said:


> When I was at a club with my friends (against my wishes), all the guys around picked up each and every one of my friends. So most of them were either on the floor or they left. Poor me, who was ultimately bored played sudoku in the corner... all by myself. I left in about 10 min.
> I like being alone and all that, but being weirdly alone in the club with sudoku for company, is a whole different level. Never doing that again... unless its my favorite band's concert. Then everyone can go to hell for all I care  cause I'll be too busy head banging.


Weird, I'd go straight for the girl playing sudoku over anyone else... but I'm not the type to go to clubs.


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## 54-46 ThatsMyNumber (Mar 26, 2011)

I don't know if it's fortunately or unfortunately but I have no idea what lonely feels like and I am alone all the time, except at work.


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## Morfy (Dec 3, 2013)

Probably when I shut myself in for a few months and only talked to people online.


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## castigat (Aug 26, 2012)

When I'm depressed and surrounded by people, but don't feel comfortable enough to talk to them, whether that's because they're not close or because I think I'd be burdening them.


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## Retrospective (May 4, 2014)

One night when I was alone in the house I looked up to the night's sky and there weren’t any stars because it was very cloudy. I only saw this heavy blackness and all I could think was: what if we are all alone in the universe? What if this life we are living right now is the only thing we will ever have? I couldn’t breathe and I collapsed and just felt so devastated. That must have been the loneliest moment in my life ever; the feeling of being stuck on Earth with only the vastness of lifeless space to surround us.


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## starscream430 (Jan 14, 2014)

When I first started to get a dent in my academic career in college and my friends were all busy with their lives...

I tend to have a very melancholy mind, so I ended up just ruminating bitter thoughts as I was alone with them. 

College has just made me bitter... :dry:


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## DDTPhoenix (Jun 8, 2015)

Teenage years. Didn't like anyone at my school.


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## TTIOTBSAL (May 26, 2014)

Now so far, but I'm confident to get there soon.


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## DiscoveringZeke (Mar 12, 2014)

The loneliest I've felt has been in my current situation for the past year. No friends, no family, no roommate, heart broken, in a city I hate, with a job I hate, and stressed out 99% of the time.


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## Scarlet Eyes (May 15, 2015)

Mostly I feel lonely when I'm in a huge group; say I'm sitting in a table with my friends and a few acquaintances. When they start talking about things or start making plans that I'm not a part of, then, BAM! loneliness sets in.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I feel disconnected like how you spoke of alot but not necessarily lonely always as a result most often I am comfortable there, but yeah often disconnected. Lol I was a guest tag along with my bestfriend at one of her friends wedding yesterday well shes an extrovert who happened to not know anyone except the couple and kept speaking of her feeling disconnected made me laugh I said to her "uh yeah I feel like this every where" she didnt have the camaraderie she is generally used to (lol I was fine like normal I do not seek that usually).

The times in my life I have felt the most lonely have usually had to do with either abandonment or being in crisis and not having my loved ones support. When my apartment burnt none of my family or friends (who I swear I have supported) showed up at donation benefit I was the only person without anyone there to help them I relied on the generosity of strangers. (I actually confronted my mother on that one tho I let most things go, she said she did not think I needed her, confronted my sister too she said she was too much of a junkie to help me and I was better off with her not there (her words not mine lol). Or in abandonment situations with like family like my dad or sister, or a best friend, or a few people with not much closure, people at various stages in my life that had abrupt exits with no closure. 

My ex hubby kind of made me feel like shit today. We were out by my pool at my apartment watching the kids play for fathers day and he questioned me on some recent events in my life and relished in letting me know I am too cold, he hit on me, then I said what about your girlfriend and he explained to me she was a sweet girl with a heart of gold. And then he explained to me that she validated his ego. Yeah he literally said she validates his ego btw. (Ungrateful fucker, he seems to of forgot of all the unclaimed things I did outside failing to validate his ego) it was kind of him to rub in how cold I am as well. As some sort of confirmation or merit. That made me feel kinda lonely and sad today. And very taken forgranted in terms of past. Meh whatever.


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## jehosafats (Feb 23, 2013)

All I did was act a fool during my younger years. My lonely years were my research years which weren't necessarily bad. It was only lonely because I was challenging my heroes and eschewing conventional wisdom. There have been extreme bouts of loneliness here and there (lovelorn loneliness is the worst), but for the most part, if I choose to be lonely, it probably means I'm going with my gut. Research never ends. Loneliness in this sense is a major payoff.


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## SolitaryNight (May 14, 2015)

Scarlet Eyes said:


> Mostly I feel lonely when I'm in a huge group; say I'm sitting in a table with my friends and a few acquaintances. When they start talking about things or start making plans that I'm not a part of, then, BAM! loneliness sets in.


I hate it when that happens.

The period when I had just begun working and just finished school. It was a day when I was coming home from work, too exhausted to be gloomy, wishing that I was back at school surrounded by classmates without all this responsibility, getting up early and traveling long distances. It was there an old man stopped me and told me I looked lonely. I didn't even realize it until he pointed it out to me. I think that was my loneliest time. Other times were when I was in primary school when everyone was out playing and I just stood by the sidelines by myself. It wasn't because I wanted to play or anything but it was kinda lonely. Another time I realized I was lonely was when people started trying to change me. My group was having a conversation and a girl asked me why I never joined in the conversation. The fact is it never occurred to me to, I simply preferred to listen. When I stopped to think about it I realized it wasn't normal and I felt something was wrong because of that. Never been the same since. It was there I realized I was different and I started feeling alone on and off for a while.


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## SolitaryNight (May 14, 2015)

...


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## Empress Appleia Cattius XII (Dec 22, 2010)

Right now, actually.
I've been living abroad in a living community for about a year, with people I respect and consider very good friends. However, since my boyfriend who lived there also decided to break up with me completely out of the blue, I've found it too painful to stay. 
I'm visiting home for my birthday and to figure out where to go next, but in my town, most of my friends have left for university/jobs etc, and although all my friends in the community are all still keeping in touch and arranging meet ups/etc, I'm still here at home for another week with no real company outside of my small family.


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