# Subscribe to review my essay



## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

That was not necessary. 
I have completed my second draft of my college essay. As recommended I gave it to my psychologist merely an hour ago. He told me that I needed to tighten some bolts, namely he wanted me to use the word "aspergers" and he wanted me to sound less pretentious. In other words I will be changing something to say aspergers. 
I want to know if anyone is interested in reading my rough draft, partially to get adjustment data but mostly for my selfish-esteem to be boosted. 
Let me know and I will send a copy of the second draft through a private message.


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## Matt The Martian (Jul 19, 2014)

I can't say that I'll be able to get it done quickly, but I do love reading people's writing, and if you send me your draft, I'll read through it and give you some ideas, probably by Monday, lol.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I want to know if anyone is interested in reading my rough draft, partially to get adjustment data but mostly for my selfish-esteem to be boosted.
> Let me know and I will send a copy of the second draft through a private message.


No. I am only prepared to read 3rd or 4th drafts. My own self-esteem is not high enough to meet your requirements. I may change my mind about this but only if I can raise my level to an adequate state of wishy-washy.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> No. I am only prepared to read 3rd or 4th drafts. My own self-esteem is not high enough to meet your requirements. I may change my mind about this but only if I can raise my level to an adequate state of wishy-washy.


Changing a few words will be difficult because it must be coincided with word count optimization so I will not be doing that at this moment.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> That was not necessary.
> I have completed my second draft of my college essay. As recommended I gave it to my psychologist merely an hour ago. He told me that I needed to tighten some bolts, namely he wanted me to use the word "aspergers" and he wanted me to sound less pretentious. In other words I will be changing something to say aspergers.
> I want to know if anyone is interested in reading my rough draft, partially to get adjustment data but mostly for my selfish-esteem to be boosted.
> Let me know and I will send a copy of the second draft through a private message.


Less pretentious means.. Less Honest so it won't hurt feelings.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Carpentet810 said:


> Less pretentious means.. Less Honest so it won't hurt feelings.


They are looking for pretentious people, they are pretentious people. This is all about winning.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> They are looking for pretentious people, they are pretentious people. This is all about winning.


I've never been a winner but I may quality on other grounds. May I submit my own essay?


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> I've never been a winner but I may quality on other grounds. My I submit my own essay?


Surely, you cannot. 
After all, you are not going to an Ivy League School on this day.


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## Carpentet810 (Nov 17, 2013)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> They are looking for pretentious people, they are pretentious people. This is all about winning.


Classic hypocrisy then. You must be pretentious, but not so pretentious we question our own pretension.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

Just add this line... "_Which is mostly confused with Asperger's Syndrome and I suffered from it before it was cool._"


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

What's this about Asperger's?
Do they want you to say that you have it? Or is that something you want to study?


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

FlaviaGemina said:


> What's this about Asperger's?
> Do they want you to say that you have it? Or is that something you want to study?


The core of my essay is describing my background. I describe myself as having selective mutism and overcoming it much later in life than expected. My doctor seems to believe if I used the word "aspergers" it would serve as a better "punch line". A reader would see it and say "he is high-functioning" because it is well-written. But I chose not to do this when I first typed it because I never identified with the idea. If you asked anyone at my school back in the day who I was they would say "the kid who doesn't talk". They wouldn't say I'm autistic. While I do have aspergers it never served my identity at all. The psychologist says then I'm taking a subset of autism instead of getting the core "identity". I already saw a kid with autism do that, it's been done. The psychologist would say "autism is the new normal", that doesn't fit into my essay because I'm trying write myself as being abnormal and unconventional. Why wouldn't I choose a long overdue case of selective mutism? Apparently aspergers has a punch, perhaps it will get me "better results", that's the only reason I would consider revising that piece. Otherwise, I am content with identifying with something that actually impacted me most, autism is just that + unimportant things.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> The core of my essay is describing my background. I describe myself as having selective mutism and overcoming it much later in life than expected. My doctor seems to believe if I used the word "aspergers" it would serve as a better "punch line". A reader would see it and say "he is high-functioning" because it is well-written. But I chose not to do this when I first typed it because I never identified with the idea. If you asked anyone at my school back in the day who I was they would say "the kid who doesn't talk". They wouldn't say I'm autistic. While I do have aspergers it never served my identity at all. The psychologist says then I'm taking a subset of autism instead of getting the core "identity". I already saw a kid with autism do that, it's been done. The psychologist would say "autism is the new normal", that doesn't fit into my essay because I'm trying write myself as being abnormal and unconventional. Why wouldn't I choose a long overdue case of selective mutism? Apparently aspergers has a punch, perhaps it will get me "better results", that's the only reason I would consider revising that piece. Otherwise, I am content with identifying with something that actually impacted me most, autism is just that + unimportant things.


Hum, shouldn't your college application be based on your academic ability and your selective mutism and Asperger's should only play a role if you need special support?


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

FlaviaGemina said:


> Hum, shouldn't your college application be based on your academic ability and your selective mutism and Asperger's should only play a role if you need special support?


No as a matter of value judgment. 
That's all said and done when you hand in your grades. If you're going into a good school, there's a pretty good chance that everyone is gonna have a 90+ average. That says something, but how does that differentiate you from anyone else? If you can prove that a school that you are creative, that you have interests you can get in, you are like an investment. Which doesn't make as much sense because you are the one paying for it.
Let's say a guy had a vested interest in experimenting with parts in his garage and his writes about how he built his own robot. Then there's another who was completely confused. They didn't really know what to write about, they couldn't say much about themselves. They were couch potatoes who maybe got their grades up because they were smart but they weren't dedicated or interested in anything. The college is gonna pick the first guy at least in terms of who wrote the better essay.
The other thing is the essay is not all about my mental health, the other half of it continues in how I "broke out" of stagnation and wrote stories to show myself as a creative influence. So you're right, if I just said "well I'm a special snowflake, pick me" then they would ask" so what who cares?" 
But you aren't picking up on the fact that this is a college essay. The rest of the application is all numbers and recommendations. Academics is numbers. They say nothing about the person as an individual. The essay should absolutely be about the person or something pertaining to the person. A college essay about how well you did in school is redundant. If I wrote about how I got a science award and a 98 in science during 8th grade, well really? That's kind of saying nothing that shouldn't have already been reflected elsewhere and more importantly nothing about "why should we pick you and not the other guy who had the same exact grade?"


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> No as a matter of value judgment.
> That's all said and done when you hand in your grades. If you're going into a good school, there's a pretty good chance that everyone is gonna have a 90+ average. That says something, but how does that differentiate you from anyone else? If you can prove that a school that you are creative, that you have interests you can get in, you are like an investment. Which doesn't make as much sense because you are the one paying for it.
> Let's say a guy had a vested interest in experimenting with parts in his garage and his writes about how he built his own robot. Then there's another who was completely confused. They didn't really know what to write about, they couldn't say much about themselves. They were couch potatoes who maybe got their grades up because they were smart but they weren't dedicated or interested in anything. The college is gonna pick the first guy at least in terms of who wrote the better essay.
> The other thing is the essay is not all about my mental health, the other half of it continues in how I "broke out" of stagnation and wrote stories to show myself as a creative influence. So you're right, if I just said "well I'm a special snowflake, pick me" then they would ask" so what who cares?"
> But you aren't picking up on the fact that this is a college essay. The rest of the application is all numbers and recommendations. Academics is numbers. They say nothing about the person as an individual. The essay should absolutely be about the person or something pertaining to the person. A college essay about how well you did in school is redundant. If I wrote about how I got a science award and a 98 in science during 8th grade, well really? That's kind of saying nothing that shouldn't have already been reflected elsewhere and more importantly nothing about "why should we pick you and not the other guy who had the same exact grade?"


Hehe, I forgot that that's what college essays are about. They don't exist in Germany. (If they do now, they were only introduced very recently). Nobody used to care about 'the person' there, that's an unsolicited intrusion in someone's private life. Numbers used to be all they are interested in.

Good luck with your application.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

I wouldn't feel comfortable giving you advice on your writing but I can definitely feed your ego, without seeing your essay I can tell you that I really love the things you have to say & how you say them n_n

I HOPE U GET ACCEPTED INTO WHEREVER<3


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> I wouldn't feel comfortable giving you advice on your writing but I can definitely feed your ego, without seeing your essay I can tell you that I really love the things you have to say & how you say them n_n
> 
> I HOPE U GET ACCEPTED INTO WHEREVER<3


Is this a subscription to read my essay?


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Is this a subscription to read my essay?


Well, I would only store it in my diary and fawn over your writing. So...if you're okay with that, YES!!!!


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## SevSevens (Aug 5, 2015)

I hate the word Asperger for this very reason. And I hate that stupid movie with the astronaut wannabe that has Asperger who gets the beautiful girl simply by being himself. What a load.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

SevSevens said:


> I hate the word Asperger for this very reason. And I hate that stupid movie with the astronaut wannabe that has Asperger who gets the beautiful girl simply by being himself. What a load.


I dislike the portrayal of individuals in movies in this way.


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## xraydav (Jan 3, 2013)

so you're using the aspergers as the ticket to get into an Ivy League school? well played. Also I think I agree with you on the fact that people who are applying to a good university, have to have something else* to get in if the others are going in with 90+ grades. 

the thing is going to be on their table, and then that person is gonna have to go 'well, is this person better suited to study here? or is this person better suited to study here?' . 

that being said, i'm not entirely sure how much people here would be able to help you


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

AverOblivious said:


> so you're using the aspergers as the ticket to get into an Ivy League school? well played. Also I think I agree with you on the fact that people who are applying to a good university, have to have something else* to get in if the others are going in with 90+ grades.
> 
> the thing is going to be on their table, and then that person is gonna have to go 'well, is this person better suited to study here? or is this person better suited to study here?' .
> 
> that being said, i'm not entirely sure how much people here would be able to help you


You would ask to read it and give feedback, just like giving a book review except with grammar and spelling. Hmmmmmmmm


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## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

I'll read it. I don't know how much feedback I'll have but if you're up for sending it to me I'm up for reading it.


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## RantnRave (May 1, 2015)

Sure


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I have two days left to edit it, I'll find the link somewhere.


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

I'd like to read it.


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

American universities sound fucked up. Over here you don't even need to be able to speak English to get into a university, as long as your money's good.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Spitta Andretti said:


> American universities sound fucked up. Over here you don't even need to be able to speak English to get into a university, as long as your money's good.


Screw your .Az country. Arizona deserves that title more than you.


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## Vahyavishdapaya (Sep 2, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Screw your .Az country. Arizona deserves that title more than you.


I'm Australian :laughing:


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

Not bad . Not bad. Will send my thoughts when I'm feeling less lazy.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Now that it is too late, I'm ready to read your essay. Are you in that Ivy league school?


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> Now that it is too late, I'm ready to read your essay. Are you in that Ivy league school?


I'm in a cheap college.
I wonder why I put so much effort into writing it.


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## BigApplePi (Dec 1, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I'm in a cheap college.
> I wonder why I put so much effort into writing it.


If you hadn't tried you'd never know. Good to try.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

BigApplePi said:


> If you hadn't tried you'd never know. Good to try.


Eh, it was an unrealistic sell off of myself, which I mostly do not agree with due to a requested modification.


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