# Question for the over 30 yo folks - Have you been true to yourself when selecting a career?



## 17041704 (May 28, 2020)

no i think not but i dont regret it one bit, this path i took gives me different stuff and experience

when i graduated i thought of joining finance and banking but the economy was broken everyone’s firing everyone no one told me what to do they couldnt even take care of themselves

15yrs later now i lead and train a team of cpa acca doing forensic work instructing lawyers etc but im not even an accountant or lawyer

life sometimes leads you to strange places staying true does not necessarily mean i would be more successful, happier or fulfilled so i stopped thinking about it altogether and instead focus on wht i have and seek meaning and fulfillment from wht im doing not stuff i could be doing


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

I've stayed true to myself in ways.

My career aptitude test said I shared the most in common with university teachers and musicians. lol I don't know a thing about music so I don't think that would have worked out. I love university but it would be a long path to be qualified as a teacher, and I was rushing through college...stupidly, because the person I was in a relationship wanted me to finish as quickly as I could (he was 14 years older than me).

I think that's the thing I betrayed myself with the most--I thought it was love and I guess a part of me values love and so I was, in a way, being true to that part by trying to make it work. But I ended up making a lot of choices differently. He also told me that if I studied art it would be "over" since "artists are perverts" and he was obsessed with this idea that I would fall in love with some fellow art student and leave him.

I spent so much energy and time trying to prove I wasn't the person he feared I would be that I lost myself.

I still regret it. Though I ended up studying something that I really benefitted from. If I could do it over again I'm not sure I'd give up my education, but it'd be nice to have been able to study a couple of other fields too--art and perhaps paleontology or biology.

I ended up choosing a career based on my life circumstances and what fit my schedule, my desire not to do harm in the world and to even help(which makes it difficult to consider many jobs meaningful), and my nature which is more geared towards caring and giving than competing or trying to take advantage (like sales).

Since I got pregnant at 19 and decided to go through with raising a child (being fully aware it would be excruciatingly difficult since I had just started college and know how hard it is to be a working-class single mother, and that likely that's what would become of me.) So I also made career choices based on my family needs--family-friendly schedules, you know--so you can be there for your kid. I also worked in education so that I could work at the same places my kid would go--so I could see them more in-between hours. That didn't go as well as I'd hoped since I was often so tired after caring for everyone else's kids...it took a lot more out of me than I thought....and it's very difficult to take any time sick when you work in ECE. It's not like I could just "live at home with my parents" either--because neither of my parents own homes. they rented rooms or small apartments. So I made a lot of difficult choices about how to survive.

Plus caregiving/nurturing jobs pay absolute shit. So now I'm learning art again because I mean...even after years of developing a career it still pays about as much as working in a gas station, so I figure I don't have much to lose. I found it difficult to get away from before because I cared about the children and it fit my abilities, but now I am tired--I feel I did my time. I gave back. Now I've got a short time I stole for myself from life to be able to focus on what I want, not on other people. It may not be rational or logical, but I'm taking my life and energy back for now. I'm poor enough it doesn't matter either way--I could either be a slave for someone else or just take some time for myself and the people I care about.

I'm not sure what I'll do after my hiatus--I could go back to a caregiving career (I actually really enjoy working with elderly people--I love their stories. Working with children also has a lot of great aspects--I love children's curiosity and I definitely feel they are important, as is taking care of them and protecting them. But both jobs are harder when you're being run ragged and you're struggling, and you end up with little time for your own self-care. Which is what I'm afraid of b/c there are no supports for preschool a lot of times--you hear about elementary school teacher burnout, but what about private, non-union work of preschool teachers? They get paid about as much as someone who flips burgers, no health insurance, no benefits, and often are expected to take work home. They work with kids for longer hours than elementary school teachers and they often have to buy materials from their own small pay checks. It's just fucked as an industry.

So I have stayed true to myself in some ways. I have also had to find ways back to myself and take parts of my life back for myself. And there comes a time in life where that's worth it, no matter what the consequences.

The worst I do to myself now is self-sabotage by procrastination, but I'm working on that as well. It's hard to switch between working yourself to the bone for others--having that mentality (which is really part of caregiving) that you must endure anything so long as you can care for and protect those you are charged with, to thinking of what you want to do for yourself, and working for yourself (which is what I am currently working on at the moment). Now I am also finally getting to spend more time with my own child--to educate them. And their grades are coming up as a result.

I regret not being able to do that before, but then I never really had the choice unless I had been in a higher paying job with shorter hours, and Idk--I never knew what that was aside from prostitution or something. Which I wouldn't judge someone for if they could make it work in their life. Life is hard for many people--no reason to judge others for trying to get by, as long as they're not harming anyone.

Ugh--so I guess my point is that people are complicated--being true to some parts...maybe it's like a balance. I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore, but considering what I've managed to do, I don't have a lot to lose. lol At this point, it feels more like a survival instinct. Like a last ditch effort to keep my soul alive and to have "my" life again (as opposed to it belonging to an employer.) Like some primitive call for survival--the kicking and writhing to avoid death. But the death is a spiritual one--the death of my dreams, of my ownership over my own life, time, and body, of my ability to protect and nurture what I value. So I'm happy with listening to it, even if it doesn't make any rational sense yet. I would caution people not to let it get to that point though, if possible. But I am so glad for it too--if you're in that place, don't ignore it either. If you never have to get to that place--good.

There is a lot I've gotten out of my career though--overall it's been true to myself. That romance though--bleh. Wouldn't have made those sacrifices for that again.

Perhaps it's those moments in life where you know, despite everything, they were worth it--education was like that for me. My education--my art education as well--it was all worth it. It feels like stealing a tiny sliver of manna from idk...life or Fate, or just the forces that be. I would do the crime over again though--it was that good. It wasn't about the outcome or the reimbursement--it was about the joy of getting that experience. Really makes you feel like you're actually living, and not just going through the motions.


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## Trueself (Dec 8, 2020)

Are you your wisest and best self when you make career choices? Probably not, so then why ask such a question? If you feel your current career is not true to self, you can change it without resenting your past choices.

and, as with many things in life, what you do day in and day out may sometime be a lifetime passion for consistent and steady types, but a horrofykng prospect for more malleable types. So some careers may never be quite true for anyone, instead they mayneed career changes or something more entrepreneurial.

I made career chance and am not regretting it yet. I can see yet another career change in another decade. When I made the change it wasn’t because what I did wasn’t true to me, but the world didn’t seem to want to pay me for doing my job the way I wanted. They only paid me for what they wanted to see and I couldn’t quite come to terms with that. So I had to change professions.


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## Warp11 (Jul 13, 2016)

littlewyng said:


> First off- no idea what solution architect is but it sounds AMAZING. lol
> 
> I think the key is to be able to find a place where the career where you ended up fits what you really would want to be doing if at all possible. Art is a pretty general thing (for me it was "writing") and could be adapted- like does your company have a marketing division? Or do they use an outside marketing company that could use someone skilled in art and also with knowledge of that industry? Big companies especially have weird jobs hiding somewhere internally.
> 
> I had a friend in high school who did the art thing- he was an amazing artist and ended up actually going to the art institute and getting into computer animation despite a crazy difficult upbringing- and his crazy upbringing meant that he didn't mind working all hours of the night for days on end to get stuff done and it ended up being an advantage.


Solutions architect - *Solution architecture* is a practice of designing, describing, and managing the *solution* engineering in relation to specific business problems. A *solution architect is the* person in charge of leading the practice and introducing the overall technical vision for a particular *solution*.
idk, this seems rather broad and I'm expected to solve problems anyway lol. 
As for marketing... yes there is a marketing department and they need help. Problem in the past has been that I've suggested utilizing my education in a more creative way a la marketing/creative director type work, but seems that the higher ups like the sales $$ too much, and once a company knows you can make them money, they don't want to give that up so you can go live your dreams as a non-revenue generating employee. So it is likely I would have to go find another company and start over. Again. 
Seriously, the older I get the more I realize how misdirected I have been with the whole "earn a living" mentality. As many of us are...


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## Warp11 (Jul 13, 2016)

Bella2016 said:


> On the other hand we might not have a complete idea of what a certain job might involve, so it's good to talk to a lot of people who could have more understanding of the career and learn about all aspects of it (what it involves, where it leads, future of the work, pay vs. cost of living, demand/how easy it is to get a job and location of work, etc. before we begin (so do your research as well as talking to people).


This is exactly what a career counselor mentioned. Find people who do the job and get their opinions on the work they do or the industry they're in. There is a tendency to romanticize a career you think you want, but reality demonstrates that there is more than just the positive in anything. It's probably important to find out what others do not like about the work they do and predetermine (based on self-knowledge) if that is something that you could deal with.


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## lilysocks (Nov 7, 2012)

I did a thing called the strong vocational interest inventory, a very long time ago. Eye opener, in my case. It asks you a string of questions, and then compares how well your answers match with the answers of real live people who are already working [and possibly also happy/successful at what they do].

The results came as a graph, where X was the spectrum of fields in a high level type of grouping, - Eg, 'business' through 'helper' then 'arts' then 'investigative'. I forget the precise labels but it was the familiar four. Y axis was your 'how similar were your answers' factor.

It's not a 'go and be this' kind of blueprint. But it gives you the general section of the nocc to go do your next research in.


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## Warp11 (Jul 13, 2016)

Squirt said:


> *Have you been true to yourself when selecting a career? *
> No, although at certain times I convinced myself I was.
> 
> *If not, in later life have you regretted not being true to yourself?*
> ...


@Squirt, was it a case of "when things are going right, I've made the right decisions. When things are going wrong, I've made the wrong decisions"? I only ask because this narrative goes through my mind and 100% it's a thinking trap to overcome. I know what you mean by not trying to derive fulfillment from work, at least not consciously. In the money-making professions, fulfillment is easily quantifiable by a bank account balance. "Materialism" is a great cover for what is truly meaningful. 

But since our time is the most precious and scarce resource we have, then wouldn't it make more sense to devote that time into that which enables fulfillment of the (sorry to sound cheesy) soul? Whether that soul urge is fulfilled by scientific discovery, humanitarian initiative or simply by helping unwanted animals find new homes, it doesn't really matter. For each of us it will be a bit different in the details. What have you discovered that fulfills you, as you mentioned that you're in the healing process... 


And what do I _actually_ want? To stop second-guessing myself is probably a start. From there, I can only envision pursuing something that combines creative expression with structure. That is just how my mind works. I am an 'idea-person,' it's true. But I am also a realist. Perhaps that is why the career test resulted in director or filmmaker because of the necessary balance between the two, combined with the aesthetics part (i.e. Audio-Visual sensory input).
Perhaps I am looking for permission, but from myself. Going through my interests and/or passions, this is what I find inspiring:
The natural world - from that which is infinitesimally small to that which is astronomical and beyond the current scope of human reasoning. I could spend time looking at a snail's shell and reflect that nature presents us with perfect design templates based on the universal laws, none of which I understand from a mathematical pov tbh lol
The ongoing struggle of the human experience - our origins, our purpose, what and why the hell we do the things we do. I don't think philosophy or even psychology has been satisfactory in answering many of these questions, only asking them.
Music - the sound track to/of our emotional and irrational worlds.

To your last question - yes, of course. But what exactly is it that I will "try" is the personal enigma.


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## Warp11 (Jul 13, 2016)

tanstaafl28 said:


> HELL NO!
> 
> I joined the Navy at 17 and didn't start college until I was 22. At that point, I thought I'd be a school teacher. It took me 5 years to finish my degree (I was in no hurry). I couldn't find a teaching job in Western PA (someone pretty much had to die, or bribe someone to get a teaching job at the time) so I started grad school. After a couple of semesters of that, I did get a teaching job nearby. It paid $20,000.00 a year in 1998-99. After taxes and other deductions, I took just $1000.00 home per month. I made just enough to afford a small apartment and groceries. My only excitement was buying a case of beer every two weeks. The end of that year, I got married. My future ex-wife was also a trained teacher with a masters degree, so no school district in the area wanted her (they would have had to pay her more for her advanced degree). She finally got hired at a school district in Las Vegas, so I quit my job and followed her there. I was able to get a teaching job there too. I immediately got a $10,000.00 raise out of the deal. I lasted a year. I just didn't have the temperament for all the bureaucracy and paperwork (the kids weren't the problem. The parents and administrators were). I was pretty much told to seek life elsewhere and I fell into a deep pit of despair knowing that I had wasted my undergraduate education on a field I was never well suited for.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your comment. I cannot imagine teaching within an institution like public school- it is a violation to the principles of knowledge and understanding when one is thwarted by procedure and inundated with bureacracy! (not to mention parents whose kids can do no wrong).

A high-school friend knew since he was a young boy that he wanted to be a (history) teacher and ended up in this profession. While I haven't spoke to him in almost 20 years, he mentioned some of the same frustrations, but was still fairly satisfied. I wonder what it is with some people who know what they're destined for and accomplish those goals. I'd wager that the vast majority of us have no real clue what we should be doing in life, other than filling employment voids dictated by a global economy.


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## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

Warp10 said:


> @Squirt, was it a case of "when things are going right, I've made the right decisions. When things are going wrong, I've made the wrong decisions"? I only ask because this narrative goes through my mind and 100% it's a thinking trap to overcome. I know what you mean by not trying to derive fulfillment from work, at least not consciously. In the money-making professions, fulfillment is easily quantifiable by a bank account balance. "Materialism" is a great cover for what is truly meaningful.


That is a pretty common thinking trap that I'm probably guilty of at one time another. Not the case for this one, though. It's only recently that I've come to realize that I become trapped in work that brings out neurotic and controlling tendencies - which tends to seem like fulfillment when one has forgotten what fulfillment actually feels like.



Warp10 said:


> But since our time is the most precious and scarce resource we have, then wouldn't it make more sense to devote that time into that which enables fulfillment of the (sorry to sound cheesy) soul? Whether that soul urge is fulfilled by scientific discovery, humanitarian initiative or simply by helping unwanted animals find new homes, it doesn't really matter. For each of us it will be a bit different in the details. What have you discovered that fulfills you, as you mentioned that you're in the healing process...


I'd say when I can fully engage my curiosity about the world as an "observer" and act on the desire to build/create according to inspiration thereto, without restrictions or judgements (including my own that have accumulated over the years).



Warp10 said:


> And what do I _actually_ want? To stop second-guessing myself is probably a start. From there, I can only envision pursuing something that combines creative expression with structure. That is just how my mind works. I am an 'idea-person,' it's true. But I am also a realist. Perhaps that is why the career test resulted in director or filmmaker because of the necessary balance between the two, combined with the aesthetics part (i.e. Audio-Visual sensory input).
> Perhaps I am looking for permission, but from myself. Going through my interests and/or passions, this is what I find inspiring:
> The natural world - from that which is infinitesimally small to that which is astronomical and beyond the current scope of human reasoning. I could spend time looking at a snail's shell and reflect that nature presents us with perfect design templates based on the universal laws, none of which I understand from a mathematical pov tbh lol
> The ongoing struggle of the human experience - our origins, our purpose, what and why the hell we do the things we do. I don't think philosophy or even psychology has been satisfactory in answering many of these questions, only asking them.
> ...


How do you typically express those passions? If you didn't have a job, how would you spend your time creatively? No need to answer here, but that might help give you a clue as to what you might like to try. These things build over time, too, so you don't need to come up with a perfect plan before taking action. Think of it more as a series of experiments... do something, see what the results are, modify based on that, do something else... as long as you have an aim, a purpose for the experiment, you'll eventually hit upon an insight (like how to make money from a passion). At least, that is one way to explore if you're not quite sure, yet.


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## Warp11 (Jul 13, 2016)

counterintuitive said:


> Idk what exactly you mean by "true to yourself", but I have a career that is enjoyable, holds my interest, is not stressful (except occasionally), is geared towards my aptitudes, and utilizes my skillset efficiently. I haven't regretted the choice. It's also fairly lucrative. I'm a data scientist, I made a post about it a few months ago here. My job has changed a bit from when I wrote that, but the overall pattern is the same. I guess the good thing about data science is the variety within the field, and the opportunity for innovation as the field is still rapidly growing. I've been in approximately the same field since I was 22-23. So about 7-8 years.
> 
> Edit:
> 
> ...


By "true to yourself" I think what I meant is along the lines of knowing what you're passionate about in life and pursuing a vocation that supports those idea(ls). 
I know, sounds kind of cliche...

To be fair, I haven't considered the aspects of being an artist enough to consider what would be appealing. Sure, freedom and independence, variety, creativity are all important to me however there is other work out there that fulfills these desires. 

The more I think about it, the more I think it's an irrational fear of looking/being irresponsible in the eyes of my family/loved ones. Like I'd be shirking my responsibilities to go find myself as an artiste, and do what exactly?. Okay when you're 20, but not so much when you're 40. Ugh... I need to de-program my insecurities! lol thanks for your post


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## Warp11 (Jul 13, 2016)

chad86tsi said:


> I remember taking one of those in high school, it gave me a very vague answer. What career aptitude test are you using? I'd be curious to see what I get now, 30 years later.
> 
> Turns out I have a lot of different aptitudes, which has been further demonstrated as my career has progressed and my personal endeavors have been brought to fruition. For me it was too many aptitudes to pin down to a clear path when I first got that test result. I ended up going after something that I found interesting and reasonably lucrative.
> 
> ...


I did the


chad86tsi said:


> I remember taking one of those in high school, it gave me a very vague answer. What career aptitude test are you using? I'd be curious to see what I get now, 30 years later.
> 
> Turns out I have a lot of different aptitudes, which has been further demonstrated as my career has progressed and my personal endeavors have been brought to fruition. For me it was too many aptitudes to pin down to a clear path when I first got that test result. I ended up going after something that I found interesting and reasonably lucrative.
> 
> ...


I did the career explorer test careerexplorer.com

Like you, I have a lot of different aptitudes that can be put to work, somewhat of a jill of all trades. I can't take being locked in an office for too long, which is part of the current struggle. The work I do pays well and is soul-sucking most days. Typical corporate shit and I haven't been able to grow this career beyond middle management. It's time for a change, but what?
Poverty had affected my mindset as well and the ease of making money in my field was all too attractive. But now that I see that the material attachments are superficial, I'm at an impasse. 

If you don't mind, what are you passionate about that you did and lost the joy? There's a saying that if you do something you love you'll never work another day in your life. (another cliche!)
What if you just like to work? haha


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## chad86tsi (Dec 27, 2016)

Warp10 said:


> Like you, I have a lot of different aptitudes that can be put to work, somewhat of a jill of all trades. I can't take being locked in an office for too long, which is part of the current struggle. The work I do pays well and is soul-sucking most days. Typical corporate shit and I haven't been able to grow this career beyond middle management. It's time for a change, but what?
> Poverty had affected my mindset as well and the ease of making money in my field was all too attractive. But now that I see that the material attachments are superficial, I'm at an impasse.


I'm not collecting wealth for wealth/stuff, I'm collecting it for security. I also hope to retire early and use it to pursue my interests unencumbered by obligation.



> If you don't mind, what are you passionate about that you did and lost the joy? There's a saying that if you do something you love you'll never work another day in your life. (another cliche!)
> What if you just like to work? haha


Inventing/fabrication. I have invented and fabricate multiple things for cars that I can sell, and use the funds for more shop equipment and upgrades on my own cars. It starts to feel like being a car mechanic, and not an inventor/innovator. I had an opportunity to become an artist in highschool, mostly paintings (realism in acrylic) but also sculpture (clay and carving), but that too felt tedious when faced with obligation. It only feels good when I have free time and it's an outlet for built up energy. I now get most of that outlet with remodeling projects. My career has been an electrician, currently I run a power system control data center for a major electrical utility. It's a desk job that is too easy for me and had become boring, but it has accelerated my retirement options greatly.


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## Squirt (Jun 2, 2017)

Warp10 said:


> I did the
> 
> 
> I did the career explorer test careerexplorer.com
> ...


I’m reminded of what James Clear mentioned... that a good compass is discovering what you find easy to handle stress-wise where others find difficult/intolerable. That gives you a clue for what kind of work might suit you, and in my mind, where you can earn money while pursuing a richer life as you wouldn’t feel as drained by work.

One of my early jobs was running a small laboratory, where my boss was offsite. I recieved samples, performed tests, maintained equipment, generated reports, etc. completely alone. I also had freedom to pursue research projects, which was fun. I saw maybe one or two couriers a day. Sometimes it got lonely (or rather, worrisome, if I was working late at night), but looking back on that experience, it suited me well and I miss it.

Yet, I can imagine that job would be awful for many folks. They went through 3 people before I was hired.


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

I believe people will be able to find work that is meaningful to them. You are an artist, so am I. Not everyone is an artist, and for example, the writing & publishing industry is looking for and relies on their talented writers, which aren't common. (Perhaps it's becoming hard to find those who aren't there out of privilege.) If it's meaningful to one, I believe one will forge ahead in whatever it is.

For me, despite being a writer myself, I'm not interested in being part of this industry; only after years of deliberation, and stressful times, I've realised committing myself to it wasn't right. It didn't feel right, despite it making sense.

What I find meaningful is helping other people achieve their dreams, and overcoming their own personal barriers, stopping them from becoming 'successful' adults. I've committed to becoming a youth worker, and I'll write on the side, as part of my own personal goals. Coincidence or not, some of the stories I'm writing are about young people who had nothing, faced their own struggles, etc, but lived and achieved their own successes..

I'm not 30 yet, but I don't think I will be getting a mid-life crisis. I've always strived to be true to myself, and suffered because of it, I'm pretty damn stubborn, but I believe I got 'the answer' in the end. One thing I will say though, is that it's hard enough to find that answer about one's future, when one is not feeling right day to day, because of their health and lifestyle.


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## GusWriter (Jun 13, 2012)

No I did not. Tbh, I had no idea who I was or what I really was interested in at college age. Oh, I'd thought of writing a bit when I was younger, even had a couple teachers encourage me based on some of my writing in their class, but I focused on a "practical" route. Regret . . . . Yes! I actually looked into a couple of other fields that required me going back to school and masters, but additional tuition plus starting over at a beginning salary when I have financial responsibilities . . . My regret has become acceptance that this is where I'm at, and writing is my true passion, but the day job pays the bills right now. 

But yeah, the writing on the side(became a paid published novelist two years ago) is like therapy, and if I could find more time, I think I could really make something happen with it.


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