# Enneagram and childhood



## Azazel (May 27, 2016)

I've been wandering about enneagram in childhood, as there is a page about it with MBTI.
And, of course, found this, which is worth a read, interesting and helpful:

Personality Types: Chilhood Scenarios for Enneatypes: Law of Three - Enneagram and Myers Briggs
https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/4h72y6/enneagram_childhood_wounds/

Apart from it, here is something pretty strong as it is a *complete book*.
https://www.amazon.com/Enneagram-Parenting-Types-Children-Successfully/dp/0062514555

It is readable, but I understand that it is, maybe, too long for a basic read, as we're expecting.


I'll put here this thread, and, of course, let you leave your insights, information, thoughts and opinions, as I'm expecting.


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## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

I am STP

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

These work for me. 

I really do like the first link, about active/responsive/neutral. I'm definitely active; my father is active, and my mother alternates between active and neutral. Leads to 8, and I'm an 8. At least for the type 8 section here, I think it could also fit more generally.

For the second, about childhood wounds, enh. I relate to all but 2, at least in some way. It tends to be the first sentence and a half I agree with - "felt criticized, felt ignored, felt abandoned, etc" - but the last sentence and a half, it falls out for me. Except for 8, 1, and 4. Which sounds about right. I've noticed lots of people relate to lots about "childhood wounds" but tend to splinter for what types they actually are. Not sure what to make of that.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

This is overly reductive to me. It ignores a multitude of parenting situations.

Personally, it also doesn't apply. Not to me or anyone whose type I know for certain.


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## Santa Gloss (Feb 23, 2015)

I appreciated the attempt by the author of the first link, but it didn't work for me at all. The second link was more interesting, but I'm not sure any description can consistently capture any type or person's entire childhood. It can only attempt to gauge why someone became the person they did. Basically, it's a lagging indicator, and based on what I see, not that good. (I haven't read the book though.) However, inaccuracy is an excellent stepping stone towards progress :biggrin: If there's no feedback, where will better answers come from? 

In my tritype (3w4 7w6 8w9), I relate to 8's childhood the most, then 3. 

If I had to rate them according to what affected me the most:

*Most applicable**:*


*Type 8: *These children often grew up in an unsafe environment (emotionally and/or physically) and had to mature way too soon. They didn’t feel safe to show any vulnerability, and may have felt controlled. Weakness was used against them, so they focused only on building their strength.
*Type 1:* These children felt heavily criticized, punished, or not good enough. Household rules may have felt inconsistent. As such they became obsessed with being good/not making mistakes to avoid condemnation. The principle message was: “You must always be better than you are.”
*Type 3: *To the heart - These children felt rewarded only for what they did and how well they did it. their feelings were discounted and ignored, only their performance and what was expected of them mattered. This harmed their ability to love themselves and others. Admiration replaced real love.

*Applicable, but with less intensity: *


*Type 5:* These children received no meaningful interaction, emotion, or affection from caretakers. Or, the child had intrusive, over-controlling parent(s) and felt exposed and defenseless in the face of this intrusion. As a result, they built walls around themselves and retreated to the mental realm.
*Type 9:* To the gut, the core of being. These children were overlooked or neglected and felt unimportant or “lost.” They were ignored/attacked for having needs or expressing themselves (especially anger) and decided to keep a low profile and instead focus on the needs/experience of others.

*A few thoughts *(on the second website)

A) The juxtaposition of type 5 over-controlling + intrusive and type 9 neglect is interesting. I didn't realize that showed up in my life. 

B) 1's messaging seems like it could reinforce a 3 mentality (relentless criticism -> worthlessness -> need to prove otherwise through success) or a 6 (criticism -> self doubt -> reliance on authority to determine what to listen to). So, that's one possible way to explain away why my motivations (3) are what they are. 

I know a 3w4 SP/SO who will probably relate to my point about criticism -> ....-> success. OTOH, another 3w4 SP/SX from my childhood probably won't relate to it much. She was a high performer in kindergarten lol. I know her parents wanted a boy, so I wonder if part of her need to prove stems from that. "Look how I can perform better than anyone, male or female." So her cycle might be percieved as worthless -> need to prove through success

C) Other people I know - 9's description fits perfectly for a 9w1 friend. It sums up her whole childhood. I think she may slowly be inching her way out of that mentality now.

D) I wonder if I relate to 5 because of privacy of thoughts in the mental realm. 3s hide their feelings from the world (there's a wall), a w4 reflects a lot. To do both and to think, it's safest to do it a private area (your mind). No one can touch you, no one can hurt you and no one can interfere with your thoughts/analysis/goals/dreams if it's not shared. It's a place to study the world, dissect it and use those conclusions as a basis for my life. In that space, I can turn myself into who I want to be and _only _show the end result to the world.


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## Azazel (May 27, 2016)

The second site is mostly wounds from the childhoods, nothing completely relatable in case you hadn't, but I really found pretty interesting and considering the first site, enough to put in there, but, of course, this is not something that have been empyrically proven and it is not something that resonates me as strange the fact that someone sees it as inaccurate or even doesn't seem that it might have a way to apply.

What I've seen is that, the parents mark the child's motivations _triad_:
*Parents type*:
Active - _Gut_ type.
Responsive -_ Head_ type.
Neutral - _Heart_ type.
And this makes a lot of sense, since center anger demands a reflection on activeness that might help gut types to pragmatize themselves; center fear demands a resposive character reflection to avoid getting overwhelmed; center shame demands a detached and withdrawn character reflection.
Where the child's character is more likely to reflect other instances such as what works as their motivation, considering the main characteristics(A withdrawn and avoiding neutral with responsive parents taking over his needs will develop a reclusive 5, as an example)

My case reflects something that actually happened to me which is like, being myself Neutral~Responsive and my parents Responsive and Active as second stance themselves, I've developed pretty strong 5, 6, 9 and 1 fixes, which are my strongest ones.


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