# Afraid to Get an Internship or Research Experience



## Ben8 (Jul 5, 2013)

I have never been good at being an employee. I have a 4.0 GPA in college and I am a good student. I work harder than anyone I know, I love to work hard, and I have high standards for myself. However, I am terrible at having a boss and messing up. I am terrified about getting an interview. I am terrified about calling employers, or anyone for that matter. I used to work at a fast food place and I lasted 2 months. The owner came in, yelled at me, and I had a panic attack and hyperventilated there. It was part of the reason I lost my job. The other reason was because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make the food just right. 

I worked for an R&D lab for 1.5 years and did okay, but every day I felt anxiety. 

It hasn't gotten any better. I don't know what to do because I have huge goals I want to achieve, but I am much too afraid to even answer a phone call or drive down the road.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

ouch. 

this sounds pretty picky. have you considered seeing a counselor? I'm a teacher, and career coach, and the issues you are talking about seem like it would be really hard to keep a job of any kind.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

I have a similar problem and this will probably be me in a few years. I suggest therapy.


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## Freckledfawn (Jan 6, 2015)

For a job maybe pick something that would make you feel more at ease. I would suggest maybe investing some time in tutoring? It plays to your strengths academically. If you make the service yourself instead of through your school then you will be your own boss hence less anxiety about getting yelled at or scolded. Or if the thought of spending too much time with the person you are tutoring makes you anxious maybe put up a flyer advertising how you will edit student's essays? Therefore all the contact could be on your own time and via email.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

For what it's worth, in my experience, the better your jobs get, the less stressful the management environment tends to be. I used to be afraid that I would always be miserable and paranoid at work because I'm an e6, but I work for my county now and my boss is an e8 of all things and everything is actually going really well. I'm still a little wary but it's so, so different than retail and even my old healthcare job. My mom and dad both really like and respect their bosses. I think it just tends to get better with experience.

In any case, perhaps you could speak to your doctor, who could either refer you or maybe just put you on a little low-key anti-anxiety medication to ease your stress. A family friend's son did that recently and he is doing incredibly much better (he now works in a lab at Harvard!).


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## S33K3RZ (Oct 18, 2014)

Ben8 said:


> I have never been good at being an employee. I have a 4.0 GPA in college and I am a good student. I work harder than anyone I know, I love to work hard, and I have high standards for myself. However, I am terrible at having a boss and messing up. I am terrified about getting an interview. I am terrified about calling employers, or anyone for that matter. I used to work at a fast food place and I lasted 2 months. The owner came in, yelled at me, and I had a panic attack and hyperventilated there. It was part of the reason I lost my job. The other reason was because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make the food just right.
> 
> I worked for an R&D lab for 1.5 years and did okay, but every day I felt anxiety.
> 
> It hasn't gotten any better. I don't know what to do because I have huge goals I want to achieve, but I am much too afraid to even answer a phone call or drive down the road.


It may sound odd me asking; but what was your childhood like? Major anxiety issues as well as a number of other sets of beliefs often to stem from unprocessed childhood trauma that needs to be worked on. 

If you don't want to answer publicly or over PM because of something you should consider seeing a therapist. If that is not the case, you need to understand the true source of your anxiety so you can work it out.


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

Ben8 said:


> I have never been good at being an employee. I have a 4.0 GPA in college and I am a good student. I work harder than anyone I know, I love to work hard, and I have high standards for myself. However, I am terrible at having a boss and messing up. I am terrified about getting an interview. I am terrified about calling employers, or anyone for that matter. I used to work at a fast food place and I lasted 2 months. The owner came in, yelled at me, and I had a panic attack and hyperventilated there. It was part of the reason I lost my job. The other reason was because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make the food just right.
> 
> I worked for an R&D lab for 1.5 years and did okay, but every day I felt anxiety.
> 
> It hasn't gotten any better. I don't know what to do because I have huge goals I want to achieve, but I am much too afraid to even answer a phone call or drive down the road.


Sounds you might be a big picture person and not a details person. That's fine: just look for jobs that promise unique challenges every day, not jobs where you do the exact same thing over and over. As for boss anxiety, some of it's on you, some of it is on your boss/management. For you: like others have said therapy might be a good idea. You might also just need more experience working. For your future bosses, find ones that you can talk to (after scoring the job), find one that can relate to you and work with you.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

I can relate to this somehow. I'm currently working as a programmer for almost 5 years so I'm not as worse in terms of anxiety, but I can tell you that I feel anxious sometimes, thinking if I'm not able to keep up with my job. I've heard that it's called "Impostor Syndrome", in which people see themselves as worse than they actually are - not secure about their capacity and feeling like fakes that might be discovered by someone someday. Thought part of it is also coz I feel inadequate, and I'm not good at handling conflicts if they happen. I get stressed even thought I don't back down, and it makes me question myself.

Thought what I tell myself is, if I can make it 'till now then it's not really bad. Also, if others can do it then so can I. And then in case I fail, then it's just a failure and everyone fails at time and I need to focus on alternate possibilities then rather than let myself over focus on failures.


I would suggest you to evaluate yourself and think, are you really that bad as you think? Picture your strong points and then what you need to improve. Improve it bit by bit. I sucked hard time in my first interviews, remembering them and my big lack of communication skills still makes me want to hide in embarrassment. But by each royal failure interview I've tried to improve, and after 4 interviews I managed to land on a job and was able to properly present myself.

Now I can handle interviews, and I also figured ways to create empathy and proper ways to deal with awkwardness or mind going blank during talks, thought sometimes I still fail.

I would also suggest you to start not taking life as serious. This might sound weird, but the moment I started to think that failures are acceptable and everyone can fail from time to time, and then the worst scenario is not really that bad, I started to feel less anxious.

And you've been fine in one and half year, you'll be fine now and in the future. 

Lastly, getting yourself out of the comfort zone by experience is good in the long term as you'll learn how to deal with the situations and it dessensitizes you more and more. I also hesitate in making interactions, wht I do is to mentally prepare myself to it, picture how I handle the conversation, and then go YOLO on it (never thought I'd use YOLO as advice lol).

Also, another thing I do is to picture what I have to do as fun. I do like interacting with people and do my job so I mentally remind myself that I can enjoy it rather. (this is actually what I did with studies too)


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## ProphetChaser (May 23, 2014)

I strongly relate to this post. The fix isn't easy, but it's definitely doable.

Personally, my anxiety stemmed from being afraid of messing up, and freezing under the pressure of having others watch me fail. I remember it even extended into one-on-ones with my physics professor when he asked me to solve a problem on the spot. I literally just couldn't function under the pressure....and every single time it was a problem I could solve in thirty seconds if I didn't have a pair of expectant eyes waiting for me to arrive at a solution....for a while, the problem kind of handicapped me. 

Anyway, I found that doing what made me uncomfortable all the time, and not avoiding opportunities to take responsibility and speak my mind, ultimately made me less anxious. I forced myself not to worry if I stuttered or made a mistake or sounded stupid in front of a more knowledgeable person. Dwelling on those things made life difficult, so I didn't dwell. I didn't live in my head, I just went on with my day and didn't worry about it. 

It has gotten to the point where I can talk in front of a class of 200+ physics students and debate them on difficult concepts and solutions. I have become more assertive, and on the occasion I mess up or need to be corrected on something, I'm not embarrassed. No big deal. Just keep swimming.


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## euphorie (May 21, 2014)

I'm in a similar position where I'm incredibly anxious with interviews (preparing for one now). I've always been a cautious child and I hated the thought of failing because I hated to see the disappointment on other people's faces. In some ways, I feel like high school had drilled in the thought of "failure = life ruined" because it was very much frowned upon in my school. I have so much respect for those who choose to become entrepreneurs, who live from their failures and embrace them because they're lessons to be learned.

I'm not sure what sort of research experience you want but since you're a student, you should take advantage of the fact that you've got connections to academics. Just go up to one and ask them about their research and if they can find you any opportunities for research experience. They might say 'no' to taking you on but chances are, they can help you find researchers in want of help or at least give you some advice into finding. It was disappointing when I was declined but they had their reasons. Some lecturers aren't researching in a lab, others can't fit in a student because they've got no space. Sometimes the person you're asking doesn't lead a group so they have to check up on it...

That was how I was able to snag some experience in the summer. I asked one of my lecturers and although she wasn't able to give me an opportunity herself, she forwarded my email and I managed to get some experience from another researcher. That's also how I got my internship -- I just picked up the courage and went up to a teacher (he was my lecturer, tutor, lab demonstrator) and he was able to organise it. I was later informed that I wasn't the only one who asked but they could only take on one. I happened to be the first and asked well in advance so that I had time for the inductions and training.

I was lucky that my supervisors for my internship were so understanding but I think that came along with being teachers. They were able give me constructive criticism well and they'd praise whenever I did things well. They also gave me life advice too and the workplace was very friendly. It's all a learning process for me and them alike. I was initially quite anxious but I think I settled in pretty quickly. I was still awkward to some extent though. I thoroughly enjoyed the process of research but I decided ultimately not to pursue it. It almost felt like a last minute decision but it took loads of grieving and a talk to make me realise that it wasn't what I wanted. Everything was great but the fact that my work doesn't consistently yield results really took a toll on me, even though the whole point of the internship was to learn about the process.

I don't really get why you're saying you "aren't very good at being an employee". You clearly show that you're a good student but even that in itself has some merits. I think ultimately it depends on how compatible you are with your work environment. If it plays up your strengths, you're a great employee.


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## dragthewaters (Feb 9, 2013)

S33K3RZ said:


> It may sound odd me asking; but what was your childhood like? Major anxiety issues as well as a number of other sets of beliefs often to stem from unprocessed childhood trauma that needs to be worked on.


For fuck's sake, not every problem in life is the result of childhood trauma.

Actually most people with anxiety are just born that way:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/04/magazine/04anxiety-t.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0


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