# Another "INFP or INFJ?" thread.



## exarlate (Jul 16, 2013)

Hey hello. So so on the MBTI I almost always score either INFP or INTP (and once INTJ for some reason), but since I identify way more with INFP, I supposed it was correct. I do come out very balanced on both the T-F and P-J scores though. Anyhow, as I started learning about the cognitive functions, I really began to question, "Am I really like that?" And once I read the functional order for INFJ, it really felt more like me. So I started doing some research on this, but as the descriptions of the functions tend to be very blurry and seldom give concrete examples, and I did still identify a teensy bit more on the overall definition of an INFP, I settled for INFP again. Though, some things still didn't make sense. I started digging deeper into the functions, and I watched some videos on youtube that tries to explain the differences between INFP and INFJ, and I really identified much more with INFJ. One of the points that really made me doubt being an INFP is that someone mentioned INFPs are warm and cuddly inside and out, while INFJs are rather cold on the outside. Now, of course, these things can vary inside every type, but people have repeatedly said that I am really cold, serious, unreachable and maybe even rude on the outside. It doesn't really strike me as an INFP thing since INFPs are supposed to be all fuzzy-wuzzy, which I really am not, I have a really hard shell but I am like a 4 year old child inside. Ask any of my friends. 
Another thing is that I read that INFJs can easily feel disconnected from the world like an outsider, observing but not really being a part of it. This is something I feel very intensely, I have really hard time to really connect with the world and it even feels bleak and unreal to me at times. But am always living a very rich, vivid and intense inner life, where I mostly dwelve and analyse, dig deeper and deeper and constantly try to come to a deeper realisations about things, and things and objects easliy inspire a vision of change in me. For example, I was riding the train where I saw a big rock boulder covered with ivy that had shifted color to red. Suddenly I saw a vision of change, and I imagine that that rock boulder would fit perfectly into a more beautiful future. I don't know if this is a specific INFJ thing though, but my mind is constantly at the future, I always see the POTENTIAL of things. From buildings to a potato, almost anything can give me a vision of change for the better. 
Another thing is, I have most definitely had those typical Ni flashes, especially intensely where I'm in a weird state of inner peace, and answers just COME. Like there is a little, bearded, wise man living inside of me, while still being a part of me, that just decides to give me the answers. They just come, in a flash of realization. 
Now, since I am always trying to understand things, I did some cognitive functions tests, just to be sure. Ni always came out as my strongest function, with Fi and Ti about equally strong second palce. My Si was also stronger than Se, meaning I use my Introverted functions more than their extroverted counterparts. It was a bit different on three different tests, but I always came out as a Ni dominant with very strong Fi and Ti. The test results absolutely confirmed my suspicions I had, since I was absolutely postive I use Ni and Ti more than the INFP functions dictate. While this should indicate that I am INFJ, with the logical conclusion that Fi comes from being an Enneagram type 4w5, I am still a bit confused and would appreciate further help on this. I still feel like a weird mixture of both INFP and INFJ, and I want to be sure that I am not mistyping myself. Hence, this thread, Ta-Da! 

Any input on this is strongly appreciated. If it's needed, I could also take my time to fill out one of those questionnare thingies. (I actually started filling one out when I realised I had been writing for almost an hour not even completing half of it, then I catched myself and thought that I really shouldn't write so much.)


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## Zora (Sep 21, 2014)

Be whatever you want to be. Maybe you're both. Just compare your traits and decide. It's no big decision. The only BIG BIIIG difference between the two is that INFJ's are more disconnected, as far as I can tell.

But, if you're forcing me, you sound an INFJ.


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## Derse Dreamer (Jun 29, 2014)

Well, I'm cold and calculating and I'm still considered an INFP, my dreamy side surfaces but I'm normally practical. This is more up to what your functions are like rather than what "MBTI Personality Pages" describe you as. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions to clarify yourself a little more?

1. What do you consider top priority, at all times and why? 
2. How do you connect with people, do you like listening to their problems are resolving them?

Perhaps, it would be better for you to complete a questionnaire. Makes things better on the both of us


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## bri5989 (Sep 2, 2013)

exarlate said:


> Another thing is that I read that INFJs can easily feel disconnected from the world like an outsider, observing but not really being a part of it. This is something I feel very intensely, I have really hard time to really connect with the world and it even feels bleak and unreal to me at times. But am always living a very rich, vivid and intense inner life, where I mostly dwelve and analyse, dig deeper and deeper and constantly try to come to a deeper realisations about things, and things and objects easliy inspire a vision of change in me.


This just sound 4ish and intuitive, so I don't think that really distinguishes. I'm an INFP and easily relate to that, but so might an INFJ.

Many people consider INFPs to have the cold exterior (lack of Fe), so don't let that sway your decision either. Its tough because if you are a type 4, everything I say might apply to you either way lol. 

You said you have Fi and Ti consistently come out the strongest.. but when you look at MBTI theory, it's sort of impossible to have this, because they are basically the same thing, but one rational and one emotional. If you had both of these working at once it would probably be too much for your mind to handle. I think it comes down to determining whether you are really an Fi or Fe user. Are you easily offended? INFPs are easy to offend because of Fi. Fe users are sort of.. more willing to follow social etiquette, adapt their reactions to mesh well with others, and maybe even hide true feelings in order for everyone to get along. Fi users are more like "fuck you" if they don't like something. Try watching this: 




hopefully this helped a tad!


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## exarlate (Jul 16, 2013)

Oh look, this 1 year old post suddenly gained some unxepected attention. I'll still be glad to hear your thoughts though.
@_MysteriousCupcake_
"Be whatever you want to be. Maybe you're both." Well if I thought like this I wouldn't have made this post, and that point of view kind of entirely defeats the purpose of MBTI typology.
@_PaintedVixen_ 
1. That one is hard. I can't give a definitive concrete answer to this, and even if I could, there would be no guarantee I would still hold this view tomorrow. I have a set of "core values", shall we say, that I consider important. Traits I think are crucial for me and for the world. On the more shallow spectrum on this question, I want to live a life in tune with myself and with nature, it's a vague concept but that's my top goal, very simplified. On a deeper spectrum I consider the ability to be philosophical and reflective about the nature of life most important, intellect, creativity, striving for "perfection", are top priority traits I look for in myself and others, but these traits only serve as a tool for my ultimate top priority which is pretty much finding out, what, the meaning of life? How the universe works? Why I am here and who you are in relation to me? It may sound wishy washy and unobtainable, but that would be my "core priority". Now on the ways on which to get there, I am still working on.
2. I have a hard time connecting to people, which I think is caused by a very traumatic childhood in a highly dysfunctional family. Relationships are not my strenght. I have a hard time finding interest in strangers and I suck at keeping in touch with most of my friends. There are basically two people in my life whom I value above all else, and I wouldn't ask for more. That doesn't mean I am not interested in getting friends, but once they get closer, I start to feel uncomfortable, and really really prefer to keep people at a arms lenght. Or two. Listening to someones problems is something I have always loved doing, though rarely do. Partly because I am, well, unobtainable as a friend. But I always value those moments when my dearest dare to "rant" to me. I consider it a compliment, it makes me happy, and I really do try to give feedback, help, support, analyse their views further in hope of giving some clariying insight. But the basic way for me to connect is find common "values", ways of thinking. Sharing poetry, talking about life, philosophy, relationships and common themes. Complaining about the same things and enjoying the same things together. Very basic stuff, but very hard to find those people I feel are worthy of that much of my time, energy, and love.

@bri5989
I wouldn't say I am easily offended, but I am very easliy hurt, though the only people capable of hurting me are the people I hold near. I hate social etiquettes but I tend to automatically adapt to them. If someone did offend me there is a very tiny small chance I would let it show, I would most probably ball it up inside until it would blurt out on a later occasion when I felt agitated. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I would not be like "fuck you". Unless I already was stressed or sad and I felt VERY unfairly treated, but that's rare. You say Fi and Ti are impossible, but yet I score high on those on functions test. Clearly I am misunderstanding something? How can that be explained? 

Oh and I have already watched that video before posting this. Didn't help a bit. Anyone can tell me "He or she is this or that", but when applying that view to myself it's whole different deal and I leave myself confused.


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## Eckis (Feb 7, 2013)

MysteriousCupcake said:


> Be whatever you want to be. Maybe you're both. Just compare your traits and decide. It's no big decision. The only BIG BIIIG difference between the two is that INFJ's are more disconnected, as far as I can tell.
> 
> But, if you're forcing me, you sound an INFJ.


The big-big difference is the functions, actually, and the fact that they're very different types.

Ni-Fe-Ti-Se vs Fi-Ne-Si-Te is a pretty significant difference.


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## Faunae (Mar 14, 2014)

hm. i have a very developed fe and i don't relate to the things you say re: feelings, so i'm inclined to say you're an INFP, but it's absolutely possible your feeling nature has been affected by your trauma. there's also, of course, room for variation within every function and type.

do you ever find that you subconsciously suck up and project the perceptions and feelings of those around you? not necessarily in the sense that you care what people think, but that you can't avoid acting according to the values of the people you're with. you might reflect on a social situation and wonder why you said certain things, as those things don't line up with your actual sentiments. or is it easy for you to be who you are at your core when you're with others (strangers, acquaintances, friends, or otherwise)?


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## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

INFJ vs. INFP | Stellar Maze
some sections from this i liked
The first major difference that I can think of comes in the category of hard vs. soft. INFJs are hard romantics while INFPs are soft romantics. Soft romanticism equates somewhat to sentimentality, being maudlin, puppy-dog eyes, gazing at your lover over candlelight, hallmark cards, sweetness, baby talk, cuddliness, cute talk and so on.

The INFJ brand of romanticism is quite different and to many it might appear they are not romantic in the typical sense at all. They are hard romantics. Hard romanticism equates to putting your life on the line, living on the edge of death, intensifying experience to the utmost to feel alive, tempting death, tempting love, spitting in the face of love.


INFJs will tend to fantasize about things that they could do in the world, whereas INFPs fantasize about going to a secret paradise totally away from this world. INFJs have dreams of glory where they fantasize about taking action in the world. INFJs often fantasize about being a great artist that has a monumental impact on society. Their dreams usually involve a more selfish component where they are the ones who are basking in all this glory and everyone praises them for what a singular individual they are.

INFPs, on the other hand, are much more selfless. Their dreams are likely to involve the ideal relationship, the dream relationship, having a home that reflects their soft and cuddly nature, where they have all the things they want in easy reach. If they have dreams of social change, they don’t want to be the figure heads of a movement and they shun the limelight. They simply want the world to be more compassionate, easy-going, sensitive, and colorful.



NFPs are much more conventional in their approach to love. They want all the traditional and time-tested hallmarks of love. They seek deep merger with the beloved where both lovers are in a wordless womb of content. They seek quiet contentment rather than passionate intensity in their relationships.

INFJs, on the other hand, like passionate intensity and often engage in dramatic relationships in which there is a lot of ups and downs and the prospect of the loss of the beloved. INFJs love is often aroused when the lover threatens to leave or actually does leave. That is when they feel the thrill of love. An INFP is too sensitive for this kind of drama and prefers a constant drip of love rather than sharp spikes and dips. INFPs love increases the longer they are with their partner. They put down roots and slowly unfold themselves in the presence of their partner. INFPs are much more liable to being deeply hurt if their relationship breaks up than an INFJ would be. An INFJ may be more intensely affected if the relationship breaks up but they will get over it quicker and be on to the next thrill of love with their hearts more intact and ready to love again.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

something NO infj said EVER> Relationships are not my strenght. 


you are an infp through and through. Your Ne is so strong and automatic you don't even notice it. Your entire posts are long rambling Ne induced random feelings about things. I recognize it as an Ne primary user.

I disagree wtih the previous poster. An iNFP has an incredible granite bedrock core which cannot be changed by anything. An INFJ can be torn up by love, but my experieince is an INFP will SHOW more feeling immediately, but the INFJ will be torn apart by the destruction and the death of the entity which is the RELATIONSHIP.

The INFP mourns their loss. The INFJ mourns the death of the relationship.


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## exarlate (Jul 16, 2013)

@_Faunae_


Faunae said:


> do you ever find that you subconsciously suck up and project the perceptions and feelings of those around you? not necessarily in the sense that you care what people think, but that you can't avoid acting according to the values of the people you're with. you might reflect on a social situation and wonder why you said certain things, as those things don't line up with your actual sentiments.


Yes. This is something I have reflected on on several occasions. I definitely relate, very strongly.


Faunae said:


> or is it easy for you to be who you are at your core when you're with others (strangers, acquaintances, friends, or otherwise)?


 I don't even know who I am at my core, I'm a different person with each and everyone, even if I try not to. I only feel like myself when I am all alone in silence, painting or writing.

@laura palmer
Thank you for that link, I found it really interesting, altough somewhat harsh to the INFJ. My comments on the points follows; I am definitely not a doe-eyed in candlelight, babytalk kind of person. I have no interest in pursuing those points. I'm a cold-hearted bitch. 


laura palmer said:


> INFJs will tend to fantasize about things that they could do in the world, whereas INFPs fantasize about going to a secret paradise totally away from this world. INFJs have dreams of glory where they fantasize about taking action in the world. INFJs often fantasize about being a great artist that has a monumental impact on society. Their dreams usually involve a more selfish component where they are the ones who are basking in all this glory and everyone praises them for what a singular individual they are.



I strongly relate to the INFJ description, almost scarily so. I can fantasize about my ideal relationship and dream-home too, but this mostly accounts for a pursued goal that I am trying to achieve. Though I rarely fantisize about love in that sense, I would feel uncomfortable doing so. 
"Another major difference between the INFJ and INFP is that INFJs are much more inclined to be intellectuals or philosophers and to think deeply about matters. INFPs are often pretty wooly-minded and find thinking in this manner very arduous. INFPs tend to find purely theoretical discussions taxing and dehumanizing. They also find them rather pointless. INFPs are more concerned with what the application of a given idea might be. How is it useful to them? What will it effect in their life? INFJs don’t care one hoot about that. They very much enjoy ideas for their own sake."
I very very very strongly relate to the INFJ here too, and frankly feel a bit angry at the INFP description. I am somewhat judgemental for people who don't appreciate those subjects. I also study Theorethical Philosophy on a university level.

In the Styles of Love contrast, I don't relate to either. The INFP approach makes me feel somewhat sick (jokingly intended), while the INFJ description sounds out-of-character for me. I have trust issues, so I would'nt go for a stormy relationship, although I do find cold, hard-to-reach people attractive. But I am definitely not one to jump from one relationship to the next, I value long-term affection. 

Fantasist vs. realist, I not not NOT, in any way shape or form, a down to earth and grounded person. I am very distant and disconnected and have a really hard time noticing new things in my environments. I am a fantsy sort of person, although I dont feel attracted to the softness fantasy of the INFP description. My fantasies involve, hurt, pain, dark things in a beautiful world, heavy symbolism (I have a thing for fertility symbols), metaphorical, psychologically complicated. I relate to this part too:
"The INFJ way of participating in reality is by understanding the forces that are behind it and sublimating the direct action of their will into works of art that “hold a mirror up to nature” as it were."

Genuinely nice vs. superficially nice, I have a hard shell, I build up a wall and people tend to think I'm not interested in them(even when this is only partly true), though when in a one-on-one conversation, I can't be anything but nice, even though I don't like the person. I'm quite judgemental, yet paradoxically I want to assume the best of people. I am not a sweet, soft hearted person, I am cold and analysing, though I don't want this to be seen on the surface. Yet with the people closest to me, I am like an innocent and naive little child. 

On the violence point, when I was a child violence on TV made me nauseous, but I don't relate to the INFP. I am fascinated by violence. I feel like it's worth analysing, and that we can learn things from it. Also sometimes, I have an irresistible urge to act violent myself. I think it can be healthy in some forms, a form of catharsis, a natural way to ease built up tension and let go. In a way I admire it (but only under controlled circumstances.)
@_drmiller100_
Please read what I wrote above. Even if I am an INFP, I am definitely not one through and through. Also, the relationship weakness can be interpreted in many ways, and I am not sure how you interpreted it. Let me clarify, just in case: I never got proper emotional support by my parents, and my mother spent my whole childhood in a mental hospital. I was raised by an emotionally unhealthy grandmother, and an idiot father. I was bullied in school. My best friend and my dad both abandoned me. I have heavy trust-issues and deep scars from my past. I can't let people in, I don't know how to build new realtionships and I'm afraid to. The friends I've got, I love and treasure deeply, but because of my heavy introvertedness, I rarely intiate contact with them and tend to wait for them to contact me. Now with my best friend and boyfriend, I have the most beautiful, relaxed, most intellectual and most wonderful relationship I've ever had, and I couldn't be more happy with it. 
Also, I am skeptical about your immediate assessment of me being a Ne user. In my understanding of typology, one could argue my writing to be attributed to both Ni and Fe, Ni for it's ability to see all perspectives and wanting to get to the bottom of the issue, and Fe trying to be so clear as possible for others to understand. I try not to leave out information that might be of value to you. I don't belive I am rambling random nonsense ala Ne style. I am also the least spontaneous person you'll ever meet, ever. Altough let's talk about Ne, I am still not perfectly certain as to where to draw the distinction between Ne and Ni.

Also "An iNFP has an incredible granite bedrock core which cannot be changed by anything." I am not like this. I am not ruling out the possibility of me being an INFP, but in that case I definitely wouldn't be your typical case. I find too many inconsistencies between other INFPs and myself, and frankly many of them tend to annoy me. I value sentiment, but I'm more attracted to T type thinking.


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## exarlate (Jul 16, 2013)

For anyone interested, these are my functions according to similarminds:
*Te (Extroverted Thinking)* (15%) 
your valuation of / adherence to logic of external systems / hierarchies / methods
*Ti (Introverted Thinking)* (85%) 
your valuation of / adherence to your own internally devised logic/rational
*Ne (Extroverted Intuition)* (20%) 
your valuation of / tendency towards free association and creating with external stimuli
*Ni (Introverted Intuition)* (95%) 
your valuation of / tendency towards internal/original free association and creativity
*Se (Extroverted Sensing)* (15%) 
your valuation of / tendency to fully experience the world unfiltered, in the moment
*Si (Introverted Sensing)* (20%) 
your valuation of / focus on internal sensations and reliving past moments
*Fe (Extroverted Feeling)* (75%) 
your valuation of / adherence to external morals, ethics, traditions, customs, groups
*Fi (Introverted Feeling)* (60%) 
your valuation of / adherence to the sanctity of your own feelings / ideals / sentiment

These strongly suggest INFJ, which I find amusing. If you disagree, please tell me why so, I am curious to discussions.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

>>>I don't know how to build new realtionships and I'm afraid to. The friends I've got, I love and treasure deeply, but because of my heavy introvertedness, I rarely intiate contact with them and tend to wait for them to contact me.

the above sounds INFP to me. Just saying...
Mine are just opinions Everyone has them.

Let me try this.

Can you FEEL other people's emotions? Those you truly love? Do other people's emotions sometimes overwhelm you?
'
Is going to the grocery store something to be careful of because you might run into people who are wearing intensely powerful emotions on their sleeves and it is hard to shut them out?


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## exarlate (Jul 16, 2013)

drmiller100 said:


> >>>I don't know how to build new realtionships and I'm afraid to. The friends I've got, I love and treasure deeply, but because of my heavy introvertedness, I rarely intiate contact with them and tend to wait for them to contact me.
> 
> the above sounds INFP to me. Just saying...
> Mine are just opinions Everyone has them.
> ...


On the first point, yes, I can sometimes feel my beloved one's emotions. But this in itself does not trouble me If what they are feeling are negative emotions like sadness or anger, I want to help them or resolve the issues in the ways that I can. If however, it's stress, it can manifest itself in very intense ways in me and I simply can't stand being around in stressful situations. That's my breaking point, and I become very selfish instead, further feeding the other persons stress in a mean circle.

I am shy from the grocery store because there are so many impressions all at once, it can make me feel exposed and overwhelmed. I have trained myself to shut people out in such situations. If, however, someone would be wearing powerful emotions on their sleeves like you describe, I would probably have a hard time shutting them out, and would feel very troubled and agitated.

I don't know if MBTI should be classified as opinions though... rather be well researched on the subject and give a clear and comprehensive argument for your stance.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

exarlate said:


> On the first point, yes, I can sometimes feel my beloved one's emotions. But this in itself does not trouble me If what they are feeling are negative emotions like sadness or anger, I want to help them or resolve the issues in the ways that I can. If however, it's stress, it can manifest itself in very intense ways in me and I simply can't stand being around in stressful situations. That's my breaking point, and I become very selfish instead, further feeding the other persons stress in a mean circle.
> 
> I am shy from the grocery store because there are so many impressions all at once, it can make me feel exposed and overwhelmed. I have trained myself to shut people out in such situations. If, however, someone would be wearing powerful emotions on their sleeves like you describe, I would probably have a hard time shutting them out, and would feel very troubled and agitated.
> 
> I don't know if MBTI should be classified as opinions though... rather be well researched on the subject and give a clear and comprehensive argument for your stance.


I don't feel other people's feelings. I can go to a funeral and not cry. INTJ's are about as feeling as I am. I doubt you are intj or intp based on feeling someone else's emotions.

Feeling other people's feelings is an Fi thing to me. A bright INFJ and enfj can do it, but it is easier and more common in INFP's and ENFP's.

that internal, native reaction to turn inwards and, to use your words "become very selfish" is an inherently Fi thing, and entirely normal and healthy and good for an INFP or ENFP.


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## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

@exarlate
yeah, but i think, honestly, INFP's are just nicer. 
From what you said, you sound like quite an intense person (as am i)
I like how you admitted youre judgemental, because that is one of my personality "flaws" as well, lol.
With the violence thing, I agree with you. I always loved the serial killer/crime shows, theyre just fascinating!


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## Faunae (Mar 14, 2014)

you definitely sound like an INFJ. ^.^


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## malibu (Nov 22, 2014)

Dream flashback thing???


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## malibu (Nov 22, 2014)

"Exarlate" I have same thing...


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