# Which type overshares about personal tragedy?



## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

I didn't know which forum to put this one in. 

Which MBTI type and/or enneagram type that is more likely to tell _everybody_ about their troubles, tragedies, and losses? 

Why do you think so?


----------



## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

My mom is an ESFJ, and she is ridiculously guilty of this.

I'm not sure why, though.


----------



## vel (May 17, 2010)

I've seen some ENTPs do this. At the time felt it was rather like a display, a show of some kind. I could not understand why share so many details about their personal lives, especially negative stuff, with lots of people they don't know very well. I think it has to do more with extraversion because it seems like whatever is on extravert's mind often gets put out into surroundings. I also know one ENTJ who loves talking about his family life. Oh and yes ENFPs also, though you get to hear a lot of tangent-stories about other people not only themselves along the way. ENTP and ENTJ stories are more focused on the self.


----------



## sunblocker (Sep 24, 2010)

EXFXs. Probably. Although my ISFP mother lives in a chronic state of self-pity.


----------



## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

Generally, the emotionally and physically unhealthy type.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

My type! I just know I make you guys go through _everything_ with me. I can't help it. :sad: You are all my cyber brothers and sisters. You're like one big cyber dysfunctional family to me. Better than my real one, and raunchier.


----------



## Agile (Sep 27, 2010)

vivacissimamente said:


> My mom is an ESFJ, and she is ridiculously guilty of this.
> 
> I'm not sure why, though.


I thought this was funny. My mom is also ESFJ and she overshares to any cashier, barrista, or complete strangers in general. It's fun to read the expression on their face, and my mother knows that when I give the tug, I mean "Hey Mom, they don't care".


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

BassClef said:


> I thought this was funny. My mom is also ESFJ and she overshares to any cashier, barrista, or complete strangers in general. It's fun to read the expression on their face, and my mother knows that when I give the tug, I mean "Hey Mom, they don't care".


I shared with the Verizon customer service guy on the phone last night that I was getting over chicken pox. He also now knows how I got them, and how long I've had them. People have to be careful when they ask "how are you?".

And what's up with ENFPs and ESFJ mothers? Do we all have them? I thought for a moment my mom might be lSTJ, but now she's a confirmed ESFJ. It's hard to type someone who is soulless. Shall I go into the story here? :tongue:


----------



## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

I rarely tell people about tragedies. I tend to keep that inside. But if a friend is going through something, I like to be there in some way, to try to ease the pain. 

However, when training retail employees, I tell them that their personal business, recent DUI, diseases, financial losses, or problems with dates or siblings, etc. are innapropriate conversation to have with customers. No one should leave feeling heavier than when they came in. 

Recently, someone I know who constantly shares about personal tragedies, said softly to me, "You know, people tell me, I've had more tragedies than anyone they've ever met." I almost rolled my eyes. I said, "You have a had a lot to deal with," but I was so annoyed I had to walk away. I wondered what was up. Seriously. This is why I ask today. 

Does anyone know which enneagram type is most related to this kind of drama? And regarding the word, 'drama:'I like fun drama! Excitement, awesome wondering, hilarity or being scared and having it all turn out well. Or the drama of surviving! People experience unimaginable, heart-wrenching losses. However, instead of moving forward and trying to climb out of the pit of grief, there are people who almost wrap themselves in their losses, like they somehow enjoy a special status as an 'unfortunate.'

And *pinkrasputin*, I have a feeling you probably entertained him with your stories. ENFPs tend to put a humourous spin on even the darkest situations.


----------



## lirulin (Apr 16, 2010)

Most of them. Goddamnit, people. :dry:

Worst I've met personally are ENFJs.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Lilsnowy said:


> And regarding the word, 'drama:' People experience unimaginable, heart-wrenching losses. However, instead of moving forward and trying to climb out of the pit of grief, there are people who almost wrap themselves in their losses, like they somehow enjoy a special status as an unfortunate.


Oh this too is my mother. Are you talking about martyrdom? I believe my mom is a tried and true phobic 6.


----------



## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

I just edited my post to clarify my thoughts on the word, drama, a bit.


----------



## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I'll write about anything on the internet, because if you don't like it you can simply scroll down or flip the page. I don't make a habbit of forcing my troubles onto others in person, unless you're close to me and my troubles has something to do with 'you'.


----------



## kallisti (Oct 7, 2010)

I'm surprised no one has said INFP yet.


----------



## barbalootSuits (Sep 19, 2009)

BassClef said:


> I thought this was funny. My mom is also ESFJ and she overshares to any cashier, barrista, or complete strangers in general. It's fun to read the expression on their face, and my mother knows that when I give the tug, I mean "Hey Mom, they don't care".


Awesome haha. My sisters and I have the whole tug motion down pat for most social situations we are in with our mom! It used to be horrible but now we just all shoot each other looks and laugh it off...it's the only way to wake her up out of it..once she starts sometimes, it's like marathon of the mouth. And it's of all the deaths and hardships and rough years she ever had in her life. I think my mom is ENFP but not quite sure yet. Love her to death though.


----------



## Ti Dominant (Sep 25, 2010)

My sister is *ESFJ* and she does this _all the time_.


----------



## ThisIsWhereIrunAway (Oct 25, 2010)

kallisti said:


> I'm surprised no one has said INFP yet.


yea me too


----------



## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

My ESFJ grandma NEEDS to talk about things to process how she feels & what she thinks. I think it's a part of her Fe thought process. It's fine when she keeps this to the appropriate people to be privy to that info, but sometimes, she shares it with people who should not know. This is often because she NEEDS to talk about it so much that she almost forgets who she is talking to. It amounts to thinking outloud for her, but not being aware there is an audience.

I'm extremely guarded at times....so much so that my friends & family have complained. I only share "personal" things which don't have much value to me, or much later, when I've gotten over it . Even the, I prefer to be selective about who I confide in. I've learned not to confide in my grandma because she is far less selective.

I think having people in your life to confide it, to share personal info with, is good and important though. You just need to sometimes be aware when you're dumping on someone or making people uncomfortable by over-sharing. Someone very close to you is less likely to feel that way, as it tends to be a mutual confiding.


----------



## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

my esfj mother was a box of whine you couldn't close.


----------



## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Probably my type, since I see absolutely nothing wrong with sharing our tragedies in order to comfort each other. If not that, then what are we even here for? 

I don't think there is such a thing as "over"sharing, nor do I think "dwelling" on tragedy is a bad thing when healing takes more time and communication for some of us than for others. It is certainly worse to try to rush the process of getting over things, to ignore our feelings, or to pretend we are okay before we actually are in order to avoid "burdening" other people who don't understand that it is their basic human duty to care about others.

If anyone here needs to talk about something that is bothering you, my pm box is always open. I wish everyone felt comfortable supporting everyone else. In an ideal world, there would be no such words as "whiner," or "complainer," which I feel are pejorative slurs against the kinds of people who are already overwhelmed with enough pain, who already feel more than they can cope with alone, even without being mercilessly judged for it. Just talking about this topic as though there were something wrong with opening up to each other about our troubles seems to be an attack on those who need us. What if someone reads this thread and decides to suffer alone because they are ashamed, or afraid of being irritating? Consider the consequences. I wonder how many suicidal people die because these attitudes are so common. I wonder how many people kill themselves because they didn't feel like they could talk to anyone without being turned away or judged. I wonder how many people die because they _ can't share their hurt without being hurt even more for it._ Is there anything so evil? I've suffered a lot in my life, and even so, I have trouble thinking of any greater offense.

Share your troubles with me, and I will treat your openness as a treasure. Willful vulnerability is always admirable in this context, especially in a harsh, selfish world that tries to keep us disconnected from each other.


----------

