# Sx Firsts And Non Sx Firsts



## mangosteen (Mar 7, 2013)

Being a Sp/Sx, whenever I come across a Sx/So or a Sx/Sp, as attractive as they are they can equally off-putting. Why is that? Is there a way that I can get past this? Does this seem to happen to anyone else, who isn't Sx first? It's upsetting to me, especially since the people closest to me aren't Sp first.


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## Jamie.Ether (Jul 1, 2011)

I am Sx first, but I have similar experiences with people who are Sx second. 
I have a friend who I believe is Sx first also, and we came to the conclusion that we often look for something in someone that isn't really there. I feel teased by Sx second people, like I'm being mislead into thinking their Sx goes further and deeper. I end up feeling like I am grasping at straws or beating my fists against a brick wall.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

This is all personal experience/opinion...

I think for sp/sx the difference might be a little bit more obvious than it would be in so/sx. Sp/sx is often a rather insular type with the SP being first, as however friendly SP may appear (genuinely so, even!), it's still primarily self-first. With so/sx, it's at least upfront that their energy is focused more "outside" than the "contained" energy of SP.

SX, like SOC (but not), is focused on the "outside" as well, only it blends the SP more self-oriented needs into itself. SX can be very selfish in its need for energy, sometimes. It's this need that can drain the SP's more reserved energy. I'd say sp/sx is often very measured with how they spend their energy, whereas an SX-first wants all the energy _right now_. This different way of expending energy is where the problems start: the sp/sx feels put upon while the SX feels ignored or rejected (or something).


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

Sx wants intensity, wants a deep bond, wants it all until it consumes you.

Sx/sp is a bit of a paradox in a way, there's a flowing selfish need to get lost in something or someone but also a need to protect yourself and save your energy, to the point that you can burn yourself out or you feel easily unfulfilled when your needs aren't met or matched. There's a craving for external depth but also a need to be contained, on your own inside of yourself. If so is outward energy and sp is inward energy, sx is a little bit of both.


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## Dalton (Jun 10, 2013)

mangosteen said:


> Being a Sp/Sx, whenever I come across a Sx/So or a Sx/Sp, as attractive as they are they can equally off-putting. Why is that? Is there a way that I can get past this? Does this seem to happen to anyone else, who isn't Sx first? It's upsetting to me, especially since the people closest to me aren't Sp first.


As a Sexual type, I've had this trouble since my youngest memories. Once I got past my own timidity, I was difficult to stop. This caused conflicts with fellow students and my teachers up until 6th grade, where I consciously decided to withdraw. Since then, my "Sx" energy is much more tempered. Containing myself feels like I've trapped myself, but I guess it's what I have to do in order to function in society. Maybe this self-containment might be common for Sx?

I know that you're definitely not the first to feel this way about Sx people. We need that momentary fire to burn between us and the other.



Hotes McGoats said:


> If so is outward energy and sp is inward energy, sx is a little bit of both.


I think it's a mistake to see Soc & Sp in terms of energy like that.

If any type is associated with energy, I think that Sx would be best suited for it -- desiring the full range of it, wanting to become one with it. I tend to imagine the example of a dancer who needs to "feel the music", or else there's no purpose to their dancing (unless they're performing to catch another's attention). The energy may fluctuate, but there's an intense connection to the flow of it.

You can't overcome the intensity issue of Sx, but you can meet in the middle. Take your necessary breaks from the other and *clearly explain* to them that you can only handle their energy in certain doses. My old Social friend couldn't handle me, or in other words, my energy/intensity, since regular "hanging out" isn't enough for me. It felt like I was being abandoned when he often withdrew without explanation. It didn't help that he stretched himself thin by trying to please _everybody_, not just myself.

Speaking openly with the other person, as you both try to meet in the middle, is key to solving your trouble.


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

Dalton said:


> I think it's a mistake to see Soc & Sp in terms of energy like that.
> 
> If any type is associated with energy, I think that Sx would be best suited for it -- desiring the full range of it, wanting to become one with it. I tend to imagine the example of a dancer who needs to "feel the music", or else there's no purpose to their dancing (unless they're performing to catch another's attention). The energy may fluctuate, but there's an intense connection to the flow of it.
> 
> ...


I see.

By inward and outward energy, I primarily meant energy focus as sp tends to be attuned to internal and personal needs for comfort, well-being and health as it focuses on the self and saving energy while soc is more about external needs, like seeking community, social bonds and hierarchies and broad contact in general, moving energy towards people as a whole.

Sx for me is more about intense mental stimulation, I'm not a high energy person at all and I'm very private, quiet and shy but it's really easy to get lost into something whether it's flowing thoughts and ideas, my own feelings, books, music or even a person, yes. Sx bonds are usually rare to come across so it's like flipping a switch and needing intense intimacy while still preserving personal comfort levels and needs for alone time and self comfort. 

Of course speaking openly and honestly with the other person about it is important, as hard as balancing things can be, since soc energy is overly draining to me, sp is better but often misses something as it still involves a level of detachment that sx-doms might find a bit of an overkill. I can be very sp-ish as in I don't need it very often and my recharging times can be very long but usually sx still leads me to wanting that kind of intensity.


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## Quang (Sep 4, 2014)

Hotes McGoats said:


> I see.
> 
> By inward and outward energy, I primarily meant energy focus as sp tends to be attuned to internal and personal needs for comfort, well-being and health as it focuses on the self and saving energy while soc is more about external needs, like seeking community, social bonds and hierarchies and broad contact in general, moving energy towards people as a whole.
> 
> ...


SX/SP is definitely a radical instinct because of the merging of extremes (maximum/minimum, hot/cool, unpredictable/consistent); SP/SX has more of a disempowering energy while SX/SP is empowering. As an SX/SP, I have been on my 'OFF' mode most of the time in the past mostly due to my shyness, however upon seldomly meeting someone that I connected well with or played online games; its as if I formed my own bubble, interacted intensely (overly enthusiastic) with the object of interest and forgot entirely about the outside world. 

SX: Outwards, light, intense, focused, hot aura
SO: Split, diffused, scattered, warm aura
SP: Inwards, heavy, somber, contained, cool aura


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## mangosteen (Mar 7, 2013)

Dalton said:


> As a Sexual type, I've had this trouble since my youngest memories. Once I got past my own timidity, I was difficult to stop. This caused conflicts with fellow students and my teachers up until 6th grade, where I consciously decided to withdraw. Since then, my "Sx" energy is much more tempered. Containing myself feels like I've trapped myself, but I guess it's what I have to do in order to function in society. Maybe this self-containment might be common for Sx?
> 
> I know that you're definitely not the first to feel this way about Sx people. We need that momentary fire to burn between us and the other.
> 
> ...


This is really informative! Thank you!

How can one explain that the energy can be too much, without seeming to reject?


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## Dalton (Jun 10, 2013)

@Hotes McGoats @Quang It seems to me that you're slowly inching toward describing Extroversion and Introversion instead of Social & Self-preserving.



mangosteen said:


> How can one explain that the energy can be too much, without seeming to reject?


Just directly tell them about their Sx needs in terms they understand, preferably using examples from your interactions. Then explain that you can't fulfill this need for them. Explain your own needs. Finally tell them how you intend to make *both* him/her & yourself as happy as you can possibly be with the situation (for example: intense moments and long breaks, or regular moments without intensity, or something in between, or something different).


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## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

Quang said:


> SX/SP is definitely a radical instinct because of the merging of extremes (maximum/minimum, hot/cool, unpredictable/consistent); *SP/SX has more of a disempowering energy while SX/SP is empowering.*


Not sure how to ask this other than, "Why?"

I guess it strikes me as odd how sx/sp is considered some kind of radical study in opposites while sp/sx less so. And now this empowerment issue - I guess I just wonder why? What's the big difference?


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## Quang (Sep 4, 2014)

Thaumaturgic Theorist said:


> Not sure how to ask this other than, "Why?"
> 
> I guess it strikes me as odd how sx/sp is considered some kind of radical study in opposites while sp/sx less so. And now this empowerment issue - I guess I just wonder why? What's the big difference?


Socionics - the16types.info - Instinctual Stackings



> so/sx - including, associating, affiliating, networking, incorporating, interconnecting, introducing, unifying, linking, bonding, annexing, cooperating, receiving
> sx/so - excluding, eliminating, dividing, separating, contradicting, subverting, confronting, rebuffing, ridiculing, challenging, interrupting, reforming, rupturing
> 
> *sx/sp - intensifying, escalating, rising, surging, enlivening, invigorating, accelerating, stimulating, energizing, vitalizing, reviving, animating, inspiriting
> ...


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## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

Quang said:


> Socionics - the16types.info - Instinctual Stackings
> 
> 
> > so/sx - including, associating, affiliating, networking, incorporating, interconnecting, introducing, unifying, linking, bonding, annexing, cooperating, receiving
> ...


Oh.

Though that seems to be more a function of sx-lead vs. sp-lead?

I suppose it just surprises me a little how the two can be perceived as so different. Is there really no stability-vs-intensity push-and-pull for sp/sx the way there is for sx/sp? I would expect there would be...


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## Quang (Sep 4, 2014)

Thaumaturgic Theorist said:


> Oh.
> 
> Though that seems to be more a function of sx-lead vs. sp-lead?
> 
> I suppose it just surprises me a little how the two can be perceived as so different. Is there really no stability-vs-intensity push-and-pull for sp/sx the way there is for sx/sp? I would expect there would be...


The dominant instinct is the boss, and the last instinct is almost completely eclipsed by the other two.

Scratch that, you are a party pooper from HELL D:



> ---Heaven---
> 
> sx/so - The World of Devas (Gods) - cultural revolutionaries, directional shift in popular culture, the cultural zeitgeist
> 
> ...


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