# Do Men Feel?



## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

No, this is not a trolling thread.

Intellectually, I understand that men have feelings -- but I seem unable to _believe_ it and I find myself not only surprised but shocked when men show emotion, just before I dismiss it as some kind of ... fraud on their part.

No need to tell me I'm messed up and very deluded -- I know that I am and I know why: my father is a very unhealthy INTJ and my brother was not exactly a warm INTP growing up, so my view/understanding of men's emotions are very messed up.

I don't want to dwell on the past though, that's not why I bring it up. I've realized this is causing problems for my personal life. Though I find men physically attractive, I seem unable to connect with them on an emotional level -- in large part because I have trouble believing they have true emotions! Therefore, although I'm 34, I've not had a relationship with a man over one month...

I used to think this is because I'm INFP. And I still think this is part of it. However, now I'm beginning to realize that it may also be because of this wrong perception I have of men. 

Of course, it doesn't help that the few times I have opened myself up emotionally to a man, they've been deceitful and even cruel at times...but I know that's just what happens sometimes to everyone when they take chances on finding love.

I guess what I want to know is: 

How do you men feel? How does it hit you?

Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different? 

How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?

What does love feel like to you?

Do you often say things that you don't mean?

Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?

Does your heart ever break? Over what?

What are you most afraid of?

What do you most want?


And anything else you'd like to add. Perhaps this will give me more insight into men's emotions?

And for the women: What do you think? What are your experiences with men's emotions? Have you ever been surprised by their depth or realized they felt more or far less than you imagined?

Thanks everyone for your responses.


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

Men do have feelings, we're just good at hiding them. Sometimes I'm jealous that women are allowed to express their feelings :/

I'll write more about it when I'm home tomorrow.


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## Zic (Dec 30, 2009)

We feel, but society forces us not to show our emotions, because if we do, then we're sissies and pussies.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Zic said:


> We feel, but society forces us not to show our emotions, because if we do, then we're sissies and pussies.


Be a sissie and a pussie for me


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## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you?*
I experience feelings and emotions just as much as anyone. They don't usually have a big impact on me though. But when they do, the blow is crippling if negative and magical if positive.

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different? *
No idea.

*How do you feel about women?*
What do you mean, 'how do I feel?'

*What does love feel like to you?*
Wonderful and painful.

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?* 
No. I always say things that I mean.

*Does your heart ever break? Over what?*
Not yet it hasn't.

*What are you most afraid of?*
Never seeing the one I love.

*What do you most want?*
To see the one I love. :dry:


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

amanda32 said:


> Be a sissie and a pussie for me


Women say that but then they get wierded out when a guy acts affectionate or emotional (and I'm not talking about a creepy kind of emotion or affection). I've learned to keep my cards near my face regardless. Although I'm appearently bad at hiding them (facial gestures and such).


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Selden said:


> Women say that but then they get wierded out when a guy acts affectionate or emotional (and I'm not talking about a creepy kind of emotion or affection). I've learned to keep my cards near my face regardless. Although I'm appearently bad at hiding them (facial gestures and such).


Yes, but you're practically anonymous here and this is for _research_:wink:


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## Cindjor (Aug 15, 2010)

It's really hard for me to feel as a man, because i've been trained to NOT show my feelings by my dad. And society also dictates that it's a bad thing, not just American society because I grew up in the middle of American and Chinese worlds. To be a "man" I must be in control of my feelings and I've learned to do that by stifling my feelings. The only feeling i can say i "understand" is anger and even then, i don't know how to control my anger very well. All i Know is that i try to not get angry by not caring and that doesn't really work in a relationship

i've been heartbroken a couple times, but i try to not let it stop me from trying to get into relationships. I don't know how to answer your other questions


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Cindjor said:


> It's really hard for me to feel as a man, because i've been trained to NOT show my feelings by my dad. And society also dictates that it's a bad thing, not just American society because I grew up in the middle of American and Chinese worlds. To be a "man" I must be in control of my feelings and I've learned to do that by stifling my feelings. The only feeling i can say i "understand" is anger and even then, i don't know how to control my anger very well. All i Know is that i try to not get angry by not caring and that doesn't really work in a relationship
> 
> i've been heartbroken a couple times, but i try to not let it stop me from trying to get into relationships. I don't know how to answer your other questions


Hm...yes, this has been my experience with men...

So in essence, men have in large part trained themselves not to feel through continually pushing away their feelings? Or have learned not to look at them, or examine them. And they come out in other ways, primarily anger.

So do you consciously or unconsciously stifle your feelings? And how exactly do you do that?
What do you think you would express if you could? If no one was watching?
Does anything _move_ you?
What would you most want someone to say to you when you were upset?


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## Selden (May 24, 2009)

amanda32 said:


> Hm...yes, this has been my experience with men...
> 
> So in essence, men have in large part trained themselves not to feel through continually pushing away their feelings? Or have learned not to look at them, or examine them. And they come out in other ways, primarily anger.
> 
> ...


Actually it's hiding their feelings than not feeling. Which is a *huge* difference.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Selden said:


> Actually it's hiding their feelings than not feeling. Which is a *huge* difference.


Okay. But can you be more specific?

'men have feelings but they hide them', doesn't help much.


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## Darkestblue (Apr 19, 2010)

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you?:* I don't think we feel any differently from women. Things only seem different because we handle how we feel differently. Like some have mentioned, we can be good at hiding it, to the point that it seems like we're not feeling anything.

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?:* I think most men are more in control of their emotions than women.

*How do you feel about women?:* I love them. It probably helps that I was raised by a ton of women with no father or brother figures around. I feel like I might be able to understand them a little more than the average man, because of that.

*What does love feel like to you?:* Love means everything to me. Love is like a religion to me. It's what I put my faith in. It's what I live for. It's what keeps my head up. Love is my meaning in life. Love is the best feeling ever. I know love can also be the worst feeling ever, but when I find myself in those situations, I handle my business. That's the problem with most people, they just can't handle the downside of love. And just because you can't handle it, doesn't mean everyone else can't. Remember that.

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?:* I always watch what I say. I'm not much of a talker, in the first place.

*Does your heart ever break? Over what?:* I've had my heart broken, just like everyone else, over the same things as everyone else, but I've always known that it's not going to stay broken forever. That's where my faith in love comes into play.

*What are you most afraid of?:* Change. Big change, as in becoming a totally different person. I don't want to lose what I feel makes me who I am.

*What do you most want?:* A women who has the same strong feelings about love as I do.

Anyway... Yes, men feel. It's all about how we handle our feelings, that makes us different.


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## Cindjor (Aug 15, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> Hm...yes, this has been my experience with men...
> 
> So in essence, men have in large part trained themselves not to feel through continually pushing away their feelings? Or have learned not to look at them, or examine them. And they come out in other ways, primarily anger.
> 
> ...


No, I just don't dwell on my feelings, primarily because I am ESTP and what I feel usually doesn't pertain to the "problem/situation" at hand. I don't think I'm a good example of "men", I'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings because this is just for me. 

I do feel, I watched the Notebook the first time and I cried. It moved me a lot. Toy Story 3 I didn't cry because I was expecting the "touching moment". I cried when I had my heart broken the first 3 times. 

Someone to say to me...I don't know, when I lost patience(which happens easily) I don't listen to reason or anything, I just need to be heard and then I move on and get over my anger.


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## xezene (Aug 7, 2010)

In a short answer, yes lol.



amanda32 said:


> I guess what I want to know is:
> How do you men feel? How does it hit you?


I feel just like you feel. It's not even like a wave that hits me. It's more like an ocean I always live in. If I think I am without emotion, that's a lie, because even that is an emotion -- the emotion would be "hollow" or "calm." So I'm always feeling something, sometimes quite powerful.



amanda32 said:


> Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?


Maybe a little bit. After all, we don't have to deal with lots of estrogen and the once-a-month. But we do have a bunch of testosterone. Lots of guys like to get high on that kind of thing. So I think among men, "testosterone addiction" has led to problems moreso than say in women -- ie., the love of explosions, sports, obsession with sex, fighting to prove your "manhood" etc. Lots of men are simply under-developed emotional creatures, like boys who have tantrums.



amanda32 said:


> How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?


I love women. :laughing: Aside from their beautiful physical characteristics, I find I relate to some women more than men.



amanda32 said:


> What does love feel like to you?


Awesome! Feels like heaven really. Or, if it's drawn out, more like a warmth.



amanda32 said:


> Do you often say things that you don't mean?


Yes.



amanda32 said:


> Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?


Not really. I try to be honest. If I ever did that to take advantage of a woman for my own pleasures, I would have a hard time living with myself. It's kind of the lowest form of respect possible.



amanda32 said:


> Does your heart ever break? Over what?


Yes, but only in select, dramatic instances. Only over people, not things. The most catastrophic have been during periods of great loss, me fighting to hold on to a person/people that were being ripped from me.



amanda32 said:


> What are you most afraid of?


Emotionally? Hmm. Perhaps I have a subtle fear of loss. I almost get physically ill during times of great change, where I lose important people in my life. Or another fear may be of losing my way, and not knowing it until it is too late.



amanda32 said:


> What do you most want?


Love, and to find my way. Mostly love, but long-term.



amanda32 said:


> And anything else you'd like to add. Perhaps this will give me more insight into men's emotions?


I think we are much alike, you and I. Feelings are a part of every human being. Some just choose to ignore them, or pretend they don't exist.

I understand how you could get this perception, of guys with no feelings. There are lots of stoic guys out there, either by choice to protect themselves or by conditioning. When you hear guys say "man up," or "take it like a man" -- ie, to not show emotion during important moments of pain; when you hear guys shout at babies to be quiet when they are crying; when you hear guys take pride in how tough they are (how walled-off they are) ---- this is where boys growing up today can be confused. We still live in a culture that actively puts down women.

I'm just under the belief that men are simply modified versions of women. We all come from women. And, well, we have nipples, right? How else?


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

*Gets a nail gun*


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## Molock (Mar 10, 2010)

OF COURSE men feel. The only difference is that the emotions themselves, may, in some cases be less intense. It is also the case that men usually hide their feelings. What I mean by that is that their feelings are kept internally and when they are expressed externally they may be masked (indirect). Nonetheless, plenty of men will express their feelings directly (but this may be a turn off for women and the cause for mockery by peers).


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you?* 

I'm kind of squishy, but crunchy on the inside...pretty hairy, in some spots. Eh, kidding aside, I actually feel like I imagine anyone else would. Crying episodes are usually triggered by movies, sometimes music. Other times, completely out of the blue, I'll just cry for no apparent reason.

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?*

I very much doubt it. Though, I seem to get more pissed off, than anyone else I've ever known. 

*How do you feel about women? What is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?*

My opinion of them is the same one I have of all humanity. To quote Mr. Horse, "No, sir. I don't like it!"

*What does love feel like to you? *

What I used to imagine Hell felt like, when I was still Catholic. 

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?*

Sometimes, but I wouldn't say often.

*Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?*

Yes, I have. No, I didn't. And, probably. Though, I'll lie to anyone to get what I want. 

*Does your heart ever break? Over what?* 

Depends on who you ask, or your perspective. My therapist would say, that I've lived in a perpetual state of heartbreak, and that I was an extreme example of a completely emotionally deprived person. If you ask me, it's broken several times. I've actually only been truly in love, twice. One probably had borderline personality disorder and the other was probably histrionic. They both broke my heart on a fucking daily basis, and seemed to get off on it. 

*What are you most afraid of?* 

Showing vulnerability. I'd just as soon dig my eyes out of my skull, with a dull spoon. Even in therapy, if I catch myself starting to feel emotional, I shut it the fuck down. I attempted, very hard, to train myself simply not to feel. I couldn't manage that, so I learned to attack all other feelings, with hatred and anger, and I absolutely do not express emotion, in public, except at funerals. Even then, I fucking hate it. 

*What do you most want? *

Either to actually have no feelings or emotions (not gonna happen), or to quit being a dumb ass and falling in love with women, who have more emotional problems, than I do (will happen, with work).


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## L'Empereur (Jun 7, 2010)

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you?*
I can't think of any way to describe my feelings.

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different? *
Yes. Most of the women I've been around tend to embrace their feelings. I usually try to suppress mine.

*How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?*
I don't know

*What does love feel like to you?*
I can't honestly I've ever experienced love, and I doubt I ever will.

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?*
Nope.

*Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?*
Probably.

*Does your heart ever break? Over what?*
Not anymore.

*What are you most afraid of?*
I don't know if you what I'm afraid of in a relationship, or what I'm afraid in general. I can't think of anything I am afraid of.

*What do you most want?*
I really don't know. I want a lot of things. I can't say I value one more than others.

:blushed:


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## sofort99 (Mar 27, 2010)

I "feel".

But where a lot of people seem to have their feelings in the room screaming at them, mind are more like they are in the next room whispering to me though the wall. If I don't make a conscious effort to listen to them I don't hear them at all. Sometimes I don't hear them very well when I *do* try to listen to them.

In addition, I usually find that they are counter indicative to the situation anyway, so what little I do hear, I tend to not pay much attention to because they are not very useful.


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

Okay. My 2 cents on this are:
Men feel. Well some of them. To have an understanding on this you need to first know, that a lot of people are not in touch with the thinking or feeling aspect of themselves. Thats what MBTI is talking about aswell. For me i do feel very deeply about people i get to know on a deeper level. But sadly a part of me dies with every relationship and i grow more sceptical about feeling in general. The older you get the more "wise", or i say would say, numb you are. You grow tired of being let down.
So yes, men feel, i feel, but i have become more and more hesitant of showing my feelings to anyone, since it is a weakness some people exploit.
I am sorry if i am brief and maybe not as clear as i could be, but need to do some work atm. Message me if you want any more info.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

How do you men feel? How does it hit you?
Sometimes sudden. sometimes overtime. Depends on the emotion and the situation. I have gotten choked up when watching certain animes or movies but I learn to not show it. Not like anyone is ever around when I am watching anime :laughing:
Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?
No idea
How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?
Love women. 
What does love feel like to you?
Not really sure. Been single my whole life. I have had a few crushes in the past but I don't think they fall in the category of love. 
Do you often say things that you don't mean?
Mostly to my friend to avoid enduring his inquisition. 
Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?
nope. Usually honest. Most people say that is why I'll be single my whole life:laughing:. My friend tries to hide that I am a geek when I am around him does that count. But I wouldn't be surprised if he has. That's the picture he has been painting lately.
Does your heart ever break? Over what?
Not that I can remember
What are you most afraid of?
me screwing up. I try not to but it seems like the only thing I am capable of doing:laughing:
What do you most want?
Not even sure anymore.:frustrating:


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

*I don't want to dwell on the past though, that's not why I bring it up. I've realized this is causing problems for my personal life. Though I find men physically attractive, I seem unable to connect with them on an emotional level -- in large part because I have trouble believing they have true emotions! Therefore, although I'm 34, I've not had a relationship with a man over one month...

I used to think this is because I'm INFP. And I still think this is part of it. However, now I'm beginning to realize that it may also be because of this wrong perception I have of men. 

Of course, it doesn't help that the few times I have opened myself up emotionally to a man, they've been deceitful and even cruel at times...but I know that's just what happens sometimes to everyone when they take chances on finding love.*

I guess what I want to know is: 

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you?*

Men do feel, especially NF men. I don't think that you've ever met a truly NF man in person and had a relationship with them. I feel others pain, don't want to hurt them, and am truly empathetic in person.

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different? *

I don't know if I experience emotions differently from women because I've never been a woman. It is probably different though because men don't have estrogen and women don't contain a Y Chromosome.

*How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?*

I view women as beautiful creatures that are sent from God. I don't like the idea of being forever married to one though. 

*What does love feel like to you?*

I don't know, I've only been infatuated, never in love.

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?*

Yes, I get emotionally pissed off and say nasty things in arguments that I often regret.

*Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?*

No I don't believe that I have.

*
Does your heart ever break? Over what?**What are you most afraid of?*

I've never truly had my heart broken. I am most afraid of long-term commitment, marriage and that the relationship will go to hell and that I won't be able to get out of it. I hate things that I can not easily get out of.

*What do you most want?*

Fun, adventure, excitement, achievement, hedonistic pleasure, and sex.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

men have all the emotions women have, though how good they are at understanding them is another matter


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## Dallas (Nov 7, 2009)

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you? *

This is one of those questions that feels like you are trying to explain the meaning of "the." ...How don't I feel? I suppose you're looking for a certain kind of feeling, though. 

A lot of my time is devoted to helping my friends with their social/emotional problems, mainly through listening/encouraging/trying to relate to them as best as I can. I don't really think you can have a good understanding of someone until you've been in their position. I actually started a chapter of TWLOHA (If you don't know what that is I strongly urge you to look at it at least once) in my high school for the same reasons. 

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different? *

To some minor extent, yes, I would have to, but with INFJ and ENFJ women I generally tend to feel in the same way that they do.

*How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?*

I have mixed feelings about women because I find it extremely difficult to just lump them into one category. I know some amazingly compassionate women who I look up to, and I know some who are just plain catty.

*What does love feel like to you?*

I believe that love is more than a feeling, and that it's a choice. There are a conglomeration of feelings and emotions that come associated with love, but the act of loving someone is a decision that you make on an everyday basis.

I suppose what this question is asking is what do the feelings associated with it feel like? Joy, contentment, fulfillment, sometimes ecstasy. 

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?*

Not on purpose. I'd like to be able to convey myself as accurately as possible, but I often find that I don't say exactly what I want to get out. 

*Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?*

No instances come to mind of my own, but it is something that my friends have done very often. In fact, it was the other way around! I've been lied to by a woman so that she could get something from me. 

*Does your heart ever break? Over what?*

I've still trying to find a way to fix it from last time.

*What are you most afraid of?*

In terms of relationships? Unrequited love.

*What do you most want?*

To find a girl where we never tire of each other, where she makes every day worth waking up to, who genuinely strives to love me every day. I want to find a girl who I can learn to love the same way.


It's unfortunate that there are men out there that give you this understand that all are like that. It makes it a lot harder for people to take me seriously when I say this, but the only thing I can really do is continue to be who I am.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

Selden said:


> Women say that but then they get wierded out when a guy acts affectionate or emotional (and I'm not talking about a creepy kind of emotion or affection). I've learned to keep my cards near my face regardless. Although I'm appearently bad at hiding them (facial gestures and such).


Men need to have and feel emotions. I am guessing they all have them but they are hidden by varying degrees. But they of course are not going to be a mirror image of how women are with their emotions. 

My husband certainly has emotions and feels them, but he doesn't talk about them half as much as I would. He has trouble sometimes with being sympathetic too. I still know that they are there though and I think he has a good balance. 

I also think that once you have found "the one" you have to show them how you want to be treated. They don't have a crystal ball so if you don't guide them then how will they know what it is you want from them? I have learnt that subtlety is wasted on most men, you have to be straight up with them or they just completely miss the cues. I am still perfecting this of course, because I am still inclined to hint at things or act a certain way and expect him to know why, sarcasm I have found isn't always my best tool either :dry:


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## sofort99 (Mar 27, 2010)

kiwigrl said:


> I have learnt that subtlety is wasted on most men, you have to be straight up with them or they just completely miss the cues.


Also, be aware that often when this "subtlety" isn't missed, we interpret and process it as an attempt by you at manipulation. In this case even later if you give up and ask us directly me might resist giving you want you want.


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## SaraBell (Jun 3, 2010)

I'm not a man, but I tend to hide my emotions the same as many of them. Trust me, guys have all the same feelings as women do. It sounds like you are dating the wrong men; I've met a TON who don't seem to have too much trouble expressing emotion...or I just have a knack for making men cry :tongue:


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## Codger (Aug 7, 2010)

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you?*
I'm the type that usually takes ages, sometimes years, to truly become attracted to someone. It's like a hit and run, just with a steamroller. Takes a while, but it's pretty concrete (oh I kid) when it happens.

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?*
Do I experience differently? I don't even know I experience them, let alone how women do. I don't talk about them much though admittedly.

*How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?*
I adore the opposite sex, and femininity comes in a variety of shapes and forms that I appreciate. 

*What does love feel like to you?*
Completeness. I'm not big on big romantic statements, genuine love just feels like the missing part of my life has disappeared. 

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?*
No, but that means yes. Maybe.

*Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?*
Twisted the truth, there are times I've thought with the small brain. That said it wasn't anything she wasn't interesting in giving, but admittedly I've felt guilt afterwards. These days I prefer to abstain rather than beat myself up over it :blushed:

*Does your heart ever break? Over what?*
Unrequited love I would imagine; at which point i go into shutdown mode and revert to my INTJ emotionless stereotype until the damage is repaired. Whilst I usually keep my thoughts and emotions to myself, during a situation like that I wear my heart on my sleeve, people leave me alone if they know the truth.

*What are you most afraid of?*
Actually finding someone that will love me for who I am, because that means it's up to me to not fuck it up. :mellow:

*What do you most want?*
To stop trying to rationalise things, and just appreciate what makes me happy - makes me happy.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

It's time for a harsh truth that women don't know about:

Men can't let their emotions show because its unmanly. A woman who cries is given sympathy. A man who cries is seen as a pathetic waste of space. A gleeful woman is happy. A gleeful man is gay.

Bottom line: men are repressed by our culture and the ideas that a man is tough, strong, and always in control. To display, or prove oneself to be otherwise would be to prove yourself defective and unworthy of being a man and therefore unworthy of praise, fellowship, and sympathy.

Yes, us men do have true emotions. We are angry when we are angry. We are sad when we cry. We are happy when we exult to the heavens. I am sorry for your life, but I can't do anything to help you. You merely have been with the wrong men.


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## SenhorFrio (Apr 29, 2010)

How do you men feel? How does it hit you?
i just do i guess-i hit me like a wave of drity water all at once and not so smoothly but really in burst mostly
Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different? 
i'm not to sure, maybe it's more natural to them
How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?
in general i think women are knida morally if not intellectually to men,i value their tendency to be less agressive and violent than men,i dislike that they often lack up front-ness
What does love feel like to you?
Warmth happiness it's a great feeling
Do you often say things that you don't mean?
once or twice a week maybe
Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?
nope.
Does your heart ever break? Over what?
when girls reject me it breaks.
What are you most afraid of?
dying alone
What do you most want?
To love and be loved


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## Humilis Curator (Feb 26, 2010)

Yes, of course we feel. We are born just as women are with emotions. We are humans by nature so through that we have emotions. It is through the "nurture" if you could call it that, through society and life situations that we become cold. We aren't taught how to handle the emotions so when we do have to deal with them sometimes they are not the most healthy strategies for dealing with them. Women also experience this by learning how to deal with their emotions but because of society's pressure to be in control of oneself and to not act out.

*How do you men feel? How does it hit you? *

I am a Feeling person so I feel strongly and intensely when I let it and allow it. How it makes me feel, depends on the emotional stimuli but that is a given. I am an emotional person so they hit me pretty hard, it is how we as people, not just men handle those emotions that shows the most significance not how they hit us but how we hit back so to say. It all boils down to a person by person basis. 

*Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?*

Emotions and how we experience them is different for each person. A women can be just as cold and uncaring with their emotions as a man can. However, there is more pressure for men to hide them and to "dispose" of them quickly as to not break society's expectations. I can feel just as strongly in my emotions as anyone, I am an emotional person, I have a lot of them, however I am capable of controlling them and staying solid and keeping the reigns firmly in my hands. Men would benefit more from learning to be in control of their emotions rather then just shoving them under the carpet as what a lot of men do and what society tells them to do. I can appear as a unemotional guy who shoves them under the carpet but I don't, there is a significant difference in the two. 

*How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?*

I currently do not have any romantic interests however, I have many friends of the opposite sex. My opinion of them varies with each one because they are individuals of their own right. Women are people just as I, I cannot give an opinion with a clear conscious because I would be making a blanket statement. I cherish all of the friends that I have very dearly regardless of what I think about them, respect for another person is their birth right and they entitled to that even if they are a stranger, they deserve respect and love just like ones closest companion. 

*What does love feel like to you?*

A fullness, as others have mentioned above, feeling like I have gained something very significant that I did not have before. A want to do more, to do as much as I can for that person, to write in the clouds, inaudible sweet whispers that only she can read. I am a hopeless romantic, I could go on for quite awhile. :tongue: 

*Do you often say things that you don't mean?*

No, not on purpose but failures of communication are always there. One person can always read something differently then what it was meant. However, I will never ever lie to another because fallacy leads to a failure in relationships. I would be wary of someone who often says things they don't mean. 

*Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?*
When I was much younger, it has been years since I have been that cruel and sinister of a person. I could not lie to anyone with a clear conscious, it would eat me alive. I have a friend who was once a womanizer and I use to lecture and scold him like his parent. Women do this too. Majority of the time it is not their real intention but they know they are doing it, how very rare does humanity live up to its principles. 


*Does your heart ever break? Over what?* 

Oh sheesh, I have Fe, my heart breaks on a daily basis for so many different things. My heart breaks when I see a homeless person walking in rags and my heart broke when my first love used and abused me.


*What are you most afraid of?*

Wasted potential.

*What do you most want?*

To realize all the dreams I have. As for love, in a nut shell, someone who understands me and loves me for who I am.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

jinamuro said:


> *Does your heart ever break? Over what?:* I've had my heart broken, just like everyone else, over the same things as everyone else, *but I've always known that it's not going to stay broken forever. That's where my faith in love comes into play*.


That last bit reminds me of these song lyrics...it's driving me crazy that I can't remember the song!




Cindjor said:


> I do feel,_ I watched the Notebook the first time and I cried_. It moved me a lot.


You cried at the Notebook? This is one of those things I hear but can't bring myself to believe...I'd have to see it to believe it. Just out of curiosity was anyone else there? 
Do you remember what, specifically, made you cry? (specifics help me to understand).



xezene said:


> I feel just like you feel. It's not even like a wave that hits me. It's more like an ocean I always live in._ If I think I am without emotion, that's a lie, because even that is an emotion _-- the emotion would be "hollow" or "calm." So I'm always feeling something, sometimes quite powerful.


I agree with that completely. I suppose by not feeling, I was more referring to ... not caring? Or rejecting emotion. Sorry, it's a little difficult to put into words what exactly I meant. 



xezene said:


> Awesome! Feels like heaven really. Or, *if it's drawn out, more like a warmth.*


That's kinda poetic. 




xezene said:


> Love, and to find my way. Mostly love, but long-term.


Hm. You know, it seems really strange to me that men want love. A thought that's occurred to me many times is how men could wipe women out if they wanted to; you're physically stronger, you've predominantly been in positions of power and authority -- why not completely make us your subjects?
Because men want women to love them. Hm...




xezene said:


> * I'm just under the belief that men are simply modified versions of women*. We all come from women. And, well, we have nipples, right? How else?


Good point.


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

*My answers...*

I feel like prefacing this with a distinction between feeling and emotion. Feeling is sensory data,e.g. I'm hot or I'm dry, and so isn't necessarily tied to emotions. There are a handful of core emotions that all other emotions come from happy, sad, angry, afraid, ashamed. Interesting stuff in a sense but something I wanted to point out since I think this is more about emotions than feelings in a sense. :wink:

I feel with all my sensors and reflections about my situations past and future. Sometimes I like to look at the positives and feel better causing some happiness to come into my life. Other times I look at the negative to bring in some fear or shift where I am. The hits can come in lots of ways. I could suddenly realize that I haven't eaten in 6 hours and so I should check my blood sugars and eat something in a bit of a panic racing around hoping to not feel too weak to get something cooked and eaten. Alternatively, I could ponder on a memory and that stirs up an emotion within me, too. I remember watching the film "Garden State" and being rather moved by all the parallels it held for me as it was shortly after my mother passed away and I had to fly back for the funeral and face skeletons in the closet among other things.

Yes, I think there is a difference in how I experience emotions than the average woman which is how I interpret the question. Growing up I was a very sensitive child that could be brought to tears in just 2-3 seconds and so the bully trying to get me to cry wouldn't even finish his first sentence before I turned on the water works. This made me suppress most of my emotions as I didn't seem as a good thing to show or something useful to me. Within the past year, I have started to undo that and the gushers are still there though now I seem to handle the situation a bit better. Another aspect to factor in here is that when it comes to relationships I tend to suck at having friends. I have acquaintances that may know some of my habits and others in various groups that know some of my history but it isn't quite a friend to me.

Women are a complex and hard topic for me. Depending on the circumstances, I think I could probably feel just about anything imaginable since it isn't that hard for me to construct a scenario where almost anything could happen. I will acknowledge to having a heterosexual lifestyle so there can be some attraction in some cases, but I don't seem to act on it that much. Fear of making mistakes or feeling unworthy of being loved tend to be the crutches that prevent me from dating to some extent. I am part of a Men's group which I believe does help me at times as while some may call it sexist, there are a number of women's group that likely don't allow males to join. As for the women in my life, this has a few different categories to my mind:

1. Work - Where I work, there are many women that I may have the odd chat here and there. I wouldn't say that I'm close to any of them. After the chats I sometimes feel better and sometimes not so much as there are only so many times I can go over the story of my foot that I broke and don't know how I broke it. There are female project managers and testers where I work that I'll sometimes encounter and I seem to work ok with those. 6 years ago, there was a female project manager with whom I seemed to work quite well but unfortunately I have lost touch with her.

2. Health care professionals - This would be the doctors, nurses, receptionists and other professionals I run into for all my appointments and stuff. Generally, I feel they help me a great deal and I'm ok around them. While there may be the odd small talk, it isn't that often as usually I'm in and out as fast as possible it seems. I doubt I'd ever flirt with someone there just because of the potential fallout if there was a breakup.

3. Family - I was a Mama's boy growing up. I loved my mother and was spoiled a great deal. My mother, who passed away in 2002 from cancer, was a nurse and so I kind of had a Dr. Mom as she knew a great deal about medical stuff. I so miss my mom, though at the same time she overprotected me and handicapped me in some ways I'd argue. My sister is another story. We are so different and in a way our relationship is so messed up. She will often give me advice without my asking for it, get worked up over all sorts things without having all the details, and in so many ways takes after my father. She is 7.5 years older than me, never dated and in some ways I blame for not getting out myself at times. While I do have some aunts and female cousins, it has been a while since I've seen them.

4. Groups - Now we are getting down to the meat in a sense. Some of my groups, mostly from Meetup.com, do have female members that I'll see regularly and possibly engage in conversation. I still have my moments for being nervous around new women though some I have seen before tend to be within my comfort zone in a sense. The group's purpose tends to be something that helps me to not freak out about the situation as if there isn't any structure that is where my anxiety will kick in full force. If I feel like I have to do everything and I don't know anything about someone, I just have a hard time with that conversation. This is where I may have some female acquaintances that I can message or lean on in times of stress.

5. The ex - I do have one ex-girlfriend but I don't see her often anymore. We had an on-again/off-again relationship for ~12 years or so. I know that I treated her terribly through most of the relationship, but I sort of saw this as a new toy. Not that I owned her but rather that when I wanted a relationship we had one and if I didn't want it then it was off in a sense. I was having some fun and enjoying this new dynamic though at times I did go overboard in being selfish and did cause her some pain that I do regret. I hope she has a good life and wish her well.

6. Others - This is that hodgepodge of the cashier at the grocery store or someone else you run into that doesn't fit into any of the above groups. Neighbors that live in my building that I just don't know well at all.

Love is still a bit of a mystery to me. Love is that warm fuzzy feeling in my chest that comes in a number of ways. Love is receiving when someone says, "I care about you," and really means it. 

I rarely say things I don't mean. I tend to be that person that means what I say and says what I mean. At least recently this has been the case.

Sure, I lied in the past in my relationship with my ex when I was a very different person a bunch of times. I may have felt bad temporarily because often I would see some "greater good" that justified the lie to my mind.

No, I don't think I've had heart break. Course it did get a fortress built over it when I was a kid so it isn't that easy to break. I have had some disappointments in my life, but I wouldn't say that I had heart break.

I am most afraid of being called a worthless human being that had a waste of an existence.

I want to have a life where I am fulfilled in every dimension: My job does something meaningful to me and I love doing it, I'd have a wife that is my partner to share in the adventures of each other's lives, I'd live in a community where certain values are upheld regularly and I'm proud to call that home, my finances are helping transform lives and pay my bills with ease, my health is great in all areas physical, mental and spiritual. That's what I'd most want.

As for something else to add, I'd like to add that if you see a guy crying, do be careful about what you ask or say to him, please? I've been in situations where I'm crying and someone may say, "Relax" or "Chill" and this just puts my guard up all the more as I'd feel I'm reliving my experiences with bullies that once my guard came down, Wham-O! I'm hit again. I also remember in high school, there was a student teacher that noticed I was upset with the red face, tears out of eyes and snot comin out the nose, and kept asking "What's wrong?" and in keeping her attention on me, it just made the physical effects last and last and last since I didn't want to be the focus of attention or have the spotlight on me. In some ways I still don't like having the spotlight put on me as it'll often make me uncomfortable since in getting all the attention some of it may not be good.


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## timeless (Mar 20, 2010)

For the most part, I don't want people seeing my emotions because they don't need to. I don't see a reason for it. The less people know about me, the better.


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## Rayne (Apr 28, 2010)

There are times where wish I could cry but just physically can't. It's rather frustrating.


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## mrscientist (Jul 4, 2010)

amanda32 said:


> Hm. You know, it seems really strange to me that men want love. A thought that's occurred to me many times is how men could wipe women out if they wanted to; you're physically stronger, you've predominantly been in positions of power and authority -- why not completely make us your subjects?
> Because men want women to love them. Hm...


The thing is: Yes i have man friends. But having a mate, a woman you can trust, share things you can not with any man, that is worth way more. Friends are easy to forget, lovers not so much.
And you can never get that by force.


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## kiwigrl (Apr 27, 2010)

mrscientist said:


> Friends are easy to forget, lovers not so much.
> And you can never get that by force.


hmm, it doesn't stop some cultures from trying though hah. I think they are motivated by fear of the opposite sex.


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## EYENTJ (Aug 21, 2010)

I guess what I want to know is: 

How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?
*I love them. Even the ones no longer in my life.*

What does love feel like to you?
*Contentment. *

Do you often say things that you don't mean?
*Never. *

Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?
*Never.*

Does your heart ever break? Over what?
*Yep. When deep feelings slowly wither to indifference. Or when what felt like unconditional acceptance turns to rejection.*

What do you most want?
*Psychological visibility and affection. I'm an emotionally stunted INTJ (this is quite possibly redundant) so it takes a woman of great indulgence and perception to satisfy me.*


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

Took this from an article on the subject. 

"Another interesting information is that, male brains separate language, in the left, and emotions in the right, while the female’s emotions are in both hemispheres. This helps explain why the male brain has a hard time expressing its feelings[SIC]"

The whole article can be found here. I just skimmed through it, but seemed like some interesting stuff. I have no idea about how accurate it is, but I suppose it would be the Te in me, needing to see some form of actual evidence, that there is a difference. I should also note, the article points out, that your sex (genitalia wise) does not determine the sex of your brain. 

"A key feature of this theory is that your sex cannot tell you which type of brain you have. Not all men have the male brain, and not all women have the female brain. The central claim of this new theory is only that on average, more males than females have a brain of type S, and more females than males have a brain of type E.
The theory is saying that, on average, males and females differ in what they are drawn to and what they find easy, but that both sexes have their strengths and their weaknesses. Neither sex is superior overall."


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

Rayne said:


> There are times where wish I could cry but just physically can't. It's rather frustrating.


Sometimes I surpress crying because I feel that crying demasculizes you. Take for example one time when I went to see the movie "Book of Eli" with an ENTP friend. There were scenes where women were being raped in the movie. Well, apparently Fi works in theatrics as well. When I saw that, it's like I could feel the negative emotions that those poor women were having, myself. I really had to stop myself from crying. Now my ENTP friend didn't seem to be bothered by the scene. He said, "It's just a movie dude." It still bothered me though.


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