# Extroverts CAN'T understand Introverts naturally



## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

I'm not trying to "prove you wrong", but I think it depends on the extrovert.

Your dorm mate sounds like a pretty extreme extrovert if he's constantly going out to parties and never feels tired from it. However, not all extroverts are _that_ far onto the extroverted side of the spectrum. There're some extroverts, like me, who love going out to social events, but will eventually get tired and feel the need to come home and rest for a bit. On top of that, I used to need more "down time" than I do now, so I completely understand the feeling.

Because I know what that feeling of needing to "chill" for a bit feels like, I can understand why some introverts might feel that need more often than I do, and I can understand what it feels like to them. I think introverts can understand extroverts because we're all people, and people generally feel the need to socialize at least once in awhile; the vast majority of introverts know what it feels like to want to talk to someone after not being social for awhile. Before I got into MBTI, although I didn't understand the concept of introversion and extroversion, I still understood that some people eventually feel the need to rest after being social, and some never do. 

Either way, I think you need to be on an extreme side of the spectrum in order to not be able to understand how the other side feels whatsoever.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

As much as I need my down time after a while, I don't understand why people would choose to take some time out from their friends, or even not try to make them at all.
I always mistook introversion for shyness, but I learned that they're comfortable with having not much contact. I can survive with social media but I hate being alone for long periods of time. I like nights out but I can live without. My family is also really introverted, I'm probably the most extraverted but also the most shy. My parents love their down time and don't feel uncomfortable talking to people, just they prefer not to at family parties. My brother is practically nocturnal, and my sister is probably about the same as me in terms of extraversion but slightly less shy.


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## Riptide (Feb 13, 2014)

If I recall correctly, I was too busy enjoying life that I didn't care the differences between one and another. A person likes rock? Cool, let's take his favourite rock and get drunk together. Understanding one or not didn't matter, what matters to me was one didn't find me annoying and vice versa.


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## Maria00 (Jul 7, 2014)

I don't understand extroverts at all.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Maria00 said:


> I don't understand extroverts at all.


Would be my answer as well, though people alternately think I'm either extravert or introvert.
@_Antipode_ the problem of going down this path of "they...xxxx group, can't understand me" is that it only builds distance and generates even less understanding. Lets put aside for the moment the fact that true understanding can't ever actually be achieved, as a species we can't even decide on what reality really is, let alone truly understand what it means to be another 'I' with all the experience and thoughts, motives, conscious and unconscious native to that existence.

But anyhow, my point is that claiming to understand isn't the same as understanding. You even stated your friend understands you are an introvert and you need your space and time to pursue your introverted requirements. Yet you also mention that he doesn't understand on the inside. Thing is, that's because if he did 'understand on the inside' then he would be introverted himself.

I would argue that you don't really understand extraversion...on the inside. On the surface the acknowledgement that different people require different environments, drives and interactions is easy to acknowledge. But to understand that on an inherent level is something completely different.

You will never be an extravert and your friend will never be an introvert. The point is that you appear to have met in the middle on compromising your drives and time. Conflict between I & E arises because there isn't enough balance between the people involved, either towards introverted or extraverted requirements.

Clear communication is usually the key, stating what you need or want without duality or leaving it open to interpretation. I have my own issues towards functions, for example Fe is largely something I resent because I don't really understand it.

But I've come to respect it's existence in itself and learnt to meet mid-way on differing desires.

I think people also misunderstand the nature of what is meant by understanding, or they think understanding should be a deep revelation wherein another is now understood implicitly. To me it is more accurate to respect and understand where someone is the same and where they are different and that the difference has as much right to exist as the same-y-ness, as opposed to understanding the inherency of being that person; which is just naive.

On the other hand that does depend on context.


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## Dr.Op (Aug 17, 2014)

Can people "naturally" understand anybody other than themselves? Maybe they assume to, but every decision somebody makes based off their subjective observations and motivations.


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## Youngandsofthearted (Jun 29, 2014)

I understand introverts and their quiet nature, I'm naturally drawn to them and even as an extrovert I don't care about parties and loud places, I'm fine with a small group of people and some activities but what I still can't understand is that they disappear for a long time .-. I could literally know when will they talk to me after meeting up. My INFJ friend disappears for 2 weeks, the ISTP disappears for a month.Oh and there's introverts that won't talk to you unless you talked to them :\


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## Rice (Apr 27, 2014)

I've probably had more extroverted friends than introverted friends and I've never felt that they didn't understand me any more than other introverts didn't understand me. Meaning some people are better at understanding, or at least accepting, differences between themselves and others, and I haven't observed it any more between introverts and extroverts than anyone else. 

I've seen just as many if not more introverts misunderstanding extroverts, but maybe that's because I spent most of my time on forums where there seem to be a lot of introverts.


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## Antiloop (Feb 10, 2014)

Hm. Everyone keeps saying they understand introverts' or extroverts' needs, but they keep saying it in a present tense - but the question was about before you knew about MBTI and such. Not sure why several people got this wrong.

As for my thoughts of extroverts before MBTI, I think I only had views on the _extreme, obvious extroverts_, and never really gave any thought about the tendencies of less extreme ones. To my shame I actually looked down on them. Basically I thought it was silly to be so dependant on other people to enjoy themselves, and had no idea why they could never (and remember I'm talking about super stronk extroversion) enjoy solitary activities where they _made their own fun_. I feel stupid for having such thoughts.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Antipode said:


> I have a question for you extroverts, and try to think of yourself before you learned about Myers Briggs. Skip to the bottom to avoid my reasoning for asking this question, and pass Go, college 200 dollars, and read the question if you hate those things!


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*SNIPPED *
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> So the question is, before Myers Briggs, did you understand how an introvert could enjoy being an introvert? No... how being an introvert is their blood--it's their personality, just how liking rock is part of one's personality. Or did you not entirely understand being an introvert was a normal difference until after learning about Myers Briggs?
> 
> When it comes to personality, I don't usually think in this one-sided way--and always try to avoid it--but I can't help feeling most don't truly understand.
> 
> Prove me wrong!


One word: Ambivert. 

Forget what you think you know. Most people are NOT strictly introverted or extraverted, but rather, a subtle mix of the two.


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## something987 (Jul 20, 2014)

Oh no, not the A word again...


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## GundamChao (Jun 17, 2014)

I used to think that I was an introvert, so I can in many respects understand them. Tbh, what I really didn't understand were extroverts. I thought I didn't qualify to be one because I was introspective and enjoyed silent analysis. I thought that my exuberance and thrill with other people was just a fluke.

So to this day, I can completely relate to the will to focus on the inside of yourself. I'm at a very balanced baseline that way.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Cognitive extrovert != social extrovert. /thread


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## Kathy Kane (Dec 3, 2013)

I find the notion goes both ways. Introverts can see the extraverts' actions, so it seems we get them, but I don't think most introverts really understand extraverts either. 

After learning about the differences I suddenly glimpsed, what that I think is how extraverts see things. It's as though the external world is one unit working together and everyone and every living thing plays a part. To most, a stranger is as important to the whole as they are, and they don't have any issue engaging them (unless they have anxiety etc.) Everyone is in life together and equal. They have a positive connection from the get go and only move negative if they get burned. 

Introverts reorient everything to their own personal understanding first, which is more like "me against the world." Strangers are faceless people who ought to be worried about themselves instead of engaging other people. The environment is useful or beautiful, but it isn't on the same level as their own knowledge. They have a negative vibe from the get go, until they are convinced otherwise.

So I wouldn't say introverts understand extraverts, so much as we see the difference in our actions, but not necessarily the reasons for those differences.


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## DarthSkywalker (Jul 24, 2011)

I think that we are wrong to believe that everyone always behaves within the principles given by the MB personality type. The type definitions do a real hatchet job on the multifaceted nature of actual personalities.


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Antipode said:


> Introverts know what it means to be an extrovert, and they know the reasons for it--all the health and personality.
> 
> But for some reason, I find (I emphasis "I," which is why I'm asking for your opinions and experiences before I claim as my personal fact), that extroverts don't understand introverts all too much.


Introverts don't understand Extroverts at all. Case in point, you, you are a INFJ, You live your world inside of you. You are focused on your Feeling, so you see an Extrovert that goes to clubs as hedonistic. I've never met you in real life, but bear with me? I was in an activities group not to long ago, that was full of Introverts, INFPs, INFJs, maybe an INTP. Now there's an oxymoron here. INFPs, INFJs, get their energy by being alone, when they go out with friends, to an event, it drains them. So, when I the ESTP came along to the activities group and did the activities, because I get my energy by doing things, being around people, it was terror on the INFPs', INFJs' nervous system. But, the key here is, they didn't think they were doing anything wrong, they thought, because, I exploited the loop hole, of going to every single activity in an activity group, then I must have a flaw wrong with me.





Antipode said:


> They will accept them--because we all kind of have to accept each other to some degree--but the idea seems strange.
> 
> To give a single example, one of my current dorm mates is very extroverted. He does all the events and so many clubs--he's really cool and easy to talk to. As such, he constantly invites me to go to these things, and because I like talking to him, and don't want to start off on the wrong foot  I happily oblige. But each event wears my energy quickly.
> 
> Now as the day goes on, he keeps on inviting, and I have to decline, and he says how he wouldn't want to stay home when there's something to do! He perfectly understands that I am an introvert and like my space, but I always get the feeling they don't understand on the inside... if that makes sense.



As long as you recognize by him inviting, even if it's too many events, that your friend is being kind and generous, and that by offering to you, he knows what the friendship means, and by accepting your rejection, he's okay with you being you, I don't see what the problem here is? The group of Introverts I hung out with, two of them wanted others to get their books, for a book club, or just as a keep sake. I did, I never got a thank you. And these introverts I'm thinking about, kept on the warpath of holding grudges, that I'm not a nice person, and it's like just get over yourself already. I'm trying to think of others, but, they are too focused on themselves to notice. 

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Antipode said:


> So the question is, before Myers Briggs, did you understand how an introvert could enjoy being an introvert? No... how being an introvert is their blood--it's their personality, just how liking rock is part of one's personality. Or did you not entirely understand being an introvert was a normal difference until after learning about Myers Briggs?
> 
> When it comes to personality, I don't usually think in this one-sided way--and always try to avoid it--but I can't help feeling most don't truly understand.
> 
> Prove me wrong!


That's the thing, I didn't even know the group I was with was introverts, because they never told me about themselves, they were however, found it within themselves, to criticize the behavior of me, an extrovert. Because I was in an activities, group, and I was an extrovert and came a lot, and they were in that same activities group, and came a lot, I thought they were extroverts like me. I will even go as far to say, as an ESTP, I dislike theory, and I think the Myers-Briggs test is full of shit, and because of that, I didn't know the terms extrovert and introvert, and it was only after I took the Keirsey Personality Test, after I had burned a lot of bridges, that I began to sort things out. This board is overwhelmingly introverted, and I would say, overwhelmingly Intuitive. If the INXXs, who know they are INXXs, have problems with extroverts, I think it is the INXX's duty, to explain these things to the extrovert, because, we Extroverted Sensors, are most at home in the real world.


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## FePa (Feb 13, 2014)

I had and still have, even after MBTI, more difficult in understanding the sensory x intuition rather than introversion. 
But, yes, in a point is true, it was not that easy to understand the will and need and preference of being alone over doing something, anything, even if it's not socialize, just anything! 
It seemed more of a lack of options rather than that's the option they chose.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Ksilva said:


> A true ESTJ.
> 
> Re: OP. I along with my fellow ENTP brethren often identify with both introversion and extroversion. Perhaps I am speaking for only our types, but we can certainly understand that introverts' inner world is a lot more exciting and full of opportunity than what they perceive the real world to be, as our main extroverted function (Intuition) is somewhat introverted by nature.


Not really. It's more attributable to an enneagram system than MBTI one.


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## something987 (Jul 20, 2014)

I know better than to argue with you


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## Korpasov (Jul 19, 2014)

Ksilva said:


> I know better than to argue with you


But you can argue with _me_ if you want, Ksilva! roud:


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