# The 6 Types of Love



## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

awesome question!!! 
in my opinion, whatever it's worth:*

eros* isn't love; it's lust
*pragma* isn't love; it's emotionless relationship engineering
*banquet* is unselfish love
*mania* isn't love; it's possession based in insecurity or obsessive control
*ludus* isn't love; it's use of another person for your own benefit
*storge* is cameraderie-based affection, a type of love

but that's all based on my premise that real love isn't out for itself or concentrated on meeting its own needs or desires through another person ~ that is, it is only worthy of being called "love" if it prioritizes the best interest of the other person rather than trying to get something for itself. most relationships involve some unselfish and some selfish love - as in, 'you scratch my back, and i'll scratch yours.'

but if you use the word "love" more loosely as a form of closeness, you could define these terms this way:

*eros* is physical love, and if it exists in isolation, an example would be one-night stands ("my body wants your body")
*pragma* is logic-based love, as in arranged marriages ("my mind wants your mind because my personality suits your personality")
*banquet* is selfless love, as in the love of a good mother for her baby ("i exist to meet your needs")
*mania* is imprisoning love, as in abusive relationships ("you belong to me and i can't live with the thought of losing you as my partner")
*ludus* is manipulative love, which may be mutual (as in friends-with-benefits) or one-sided and deceptive (as in relationships between players and anyone else) ("you exist to meet my needs")
*storge* is compatibility-based love, as in friendship ("we have so much in common, we should stay together")

edit: in reading other posts, a lot of people mention that *storge* is the basis for a strong relationship - i totally agree. and in any romantic relationship, *eros* will be present but *storge* is the glue that makes the relationship last. i was just answering the question not in terms of what is called "love" in a romantic relationship; just what is love _itself_, in isolation.


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## Gyepitokki (Jan 21, 2012)

I definately value Storge and believe that is the relationship i'm in now.. sometimes it crashes a bit when you think back to "friendship" days but I definately think it's the roots to a healthy, lasting relationship.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

Storge and Pragma


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

Storge first and then Eros. I think Banquet naturally stems from Storge, unless I'm missing the distinction here. I don't value Pragma highly but I definitely consider the practical implications of a potential relationship. I don't agree with Mania or Ludus at all.


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## Lackjester (Aug 16, 2011)

Bumblyjack said:


> Storge first and then Eros. I think Banquet naturally stems from Storge, unless I'm missing the distinction here. I don't value Pragma highly but I definitely consider the practical implications of a potential relationship. I don't agree with Mania or Ludus at all.


_From my understanding only_

Agape ("Banquet") love is as unconditional as humanly possible; it's love for humanity or life as a whole. As far as I'm aware, this is only achieved through intellectual pursuits (ie. spirituality/education) and introspection. Very intimately related with self-control, intelligence, empathy and creativity. 

Storge seems to be the love of similar-minded or same-blooded kin. It's what biases you towards valuing people whom are close to you over strangers or simply "outsiders". I guess you could say that it's the basis for loyalty and commitment.


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## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

I voted both Storage and Eros because that sounds like a good combination, and I think this combination would be interesting because both partners have the feeling of friendship and would be comfortable enough to express themselves physically with one another.


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

Storge for longterm relationships
Ludus if I'm single and just messing around.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

My choices were Storge,Banquet and Eros in that order.With my romantic partner (male) Storge and Banquet come first,there isn't much of Eros in our relationship at all.We both like to please the other more than ourselves first,and value that trust and loyalty that we share.We have been together only 8 months but it feels more like 8 years.

With my female lovers there is more of the Eros and some Ludus also.It's more of an FWB thing with them as I mostly hook up with women who also have male partners and want the same thing as me.My male partner is open to me being with other women,and i am very happy that he is so accepting and understanding of my bisexuality.

The kind I had with my ex husband was banquet I was only with him for our children's sake.He had manic love for me,even before we were married, although I didn't see it then.Even though we are now divorced he still wants me to sleep with him and keeps saying that he still loves me.And he was the on who actually filed the divorce papers.DUH!!!!!


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## paper lilies (Dec 6, 2011)

Storge and Banquet.

"Mania" sounds kind of scary in a love-type sense.
I don't believe this to be a type of love. It's being obsessed with someone.
One of my ex partners practiced this type of "love".
I found that I was exhausted and I felt like I was in prison.
I lost my friends, I almost lost my family.
I developed Stolkholm Syndrome at the end of the day.
They didn't really love _me_, they were obsessed with me.
The two are very different.
I suppose the fact that I am Banquet (self sacrificing) just amplified their ability to be possessive.


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

harlEqu1n said:


> _From my understanding only_
> 
> Agape ("Banquet") love is as unconditional as humanly possible; it's love for humanity or life as a whole. As far as I'm aware, this is only achieved through intellectual pursuits (ie. spirituality/education) and introspection. Very intimately related with self-control, intelligence, empathy and creativity.
> 
> Storge seems to be the love of similar-minded or same-blooded kin. It's what biases you towards valuing people whom are close to you over strangers or simply "outsiders". I guess you could say that it's the basis for loyalty and commitment.


Yeah, these would be mine. )


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## SugaSkull (Jan 15, 2012)

Storge, with a little bit of Eros in there.

And I don't think 'Hollywood' is to completely blame for people preferring Eros love...I'm sure that even if they didn't show love out like that, there would be plenty of people who would still be like that. I honestly think it's human nature, I mean humans came up with the script, right?


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

SugaSkull said:


> Storge, with a little bit of Eros in there.
> 
> And I don't think 'Hollywood' is to completely blame for people preferring Eros love...I'm sure that even if they didn't show love out like that, there would be plenty of people who would still be like that. I honestly think it's human nature, I mean humans came up with the script, right?


Humans also came up with the script to every other film. Scripts don't have to be founded in reality.
. . . especially given that they are ideals to be sold/promoted.


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

fourtines said:


> Eros = Storge
> 
> I've looked into this, I took the quiz and Mania, Pragma, and Agape (Banquet) are actually separate from Eros, Ludus, and Storge.
> 
> ...


I took a quiz and came out as Ludus.
To me this covers both how I feel and how I act.

My scores for Mania, Pragma and Agape are as low as you get. Agape wins as I scored 1 (and a half) out of 7.


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## SugaSkull (Jan 15, 2012)

twoofthree said:


> Humans also came up with the script to every other film. Scripts don't have to be founded in reality.
> . . . especially given that they are ideals to be sold/promoted.


Very true. Was just saying. Since I don't really believe that they influence it...especially not if people relate it to lust.


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## Resolution (Feb 8, 2010)

Storge and Pragma. 

I've always theorized that love is a manifestation of a person's innermost desire. 

Some people want hot sex. Some want adventure. Some Danger. Some comfort. Some tradition. Some rebellion. 

I'm Storge and Pragma because I want support and understanding for who I am. Considering I spend most of my days being forced to wear a mask, love provides me the release from that which I loathe.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

I sort of have a storge/Eros thing going on right now, and it's perfect for me. I've been dating this INTJ I've known for about 2 years and a couple months for a year now, and for the most part, we're just really close friends who occasionally like to get it on.


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## Patrick Burris (Jan 24, 2012)

I value Storge the most, followed closely by Eros. I think Storge has more potential than any of them, while Eros may be a bit more constantly romantic, more than anything else.


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## Reicheru (Sep 24, 2011)

i tend toward Banquet & Storge. Pragma to a certain extent as i do pick and choose which feelings for which people to act on. i'd prefer more Eros, no Ludus, and Mania just sounds unhealthy.


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## Fleetfoot (May 9, 2011)

It's a tie between Ludus and Eros...but I don't want to call 'love' a game like Ludus describes...At least for now. I'm not ready to be serious yet.

That's just an answer to the poll. The love that I value the most is Storge. Just because I value it doesn't mean I can achieve it.


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

I want to fall in Ludus. Oh how I want to fall in Ludus!

Some Storge thrown in for longevity wouldn't be all bad, either, I guess.


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