# NTs and Suicide



## Imperatrix (Jan 8, 2011)

I recently came back from a funeral that had a profound effect on me. My cousin (who was raised as my sister) lost her 15 year old son to suicide. The boy was definitely an INTX and was also diagnosed with high-functioning autism (the savant kind). Not only do I have memories of babysitting him (changing diapers, laying down with him so he will nap, reading, coloring pictures) my son has been diagnosed with the same type of autism.
Funerals do not normally affect me, I am generally stoic publicly, but this trip I was a mess and even now I am still thrown. I just can't make sense of it.

So my question is, for those who wish to share, have you ever considered suicide? Why? What kept you from doing it? Did anyone you know/love take their own life? Did they leave some sort of clue as to why?


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## Beyond_B (Feb 2, 2011)

Well I attempted suicide 3 times,what stopped me is the thought that I would hurt the people I care for,that I will die anyway and that if I died then I wouldn't be able to achieve my goals...


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## Ngg (Jul 22, 2010)

Crossed my mind a few times when I was going through hardship, but I never seriously considered it. I enjoy life way too much 
Quite the opposite, I'd say I'm scared of the thought of dying at a young age.


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## Kyuu (Feb 4, 2011)

The thing about suicide is that it's often linked with (axis I) mental illnesses. If your brain chemistry changes, that changes you think and makes you act in ways that you wouldn't able to justify rationally, no matter what MBTI type you are.


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## Maethirion (Aug 16, 2009)

I've gone through depression and I've thought about suicide, but I have a low tolerance for pain, and I guess I always viewed suicide as a cowardly way to end things, no offense. It wasn't so much that I would be hurting others, because at that point, I was stuck in this frame of thinking that feelings were only superficial and that nobody really, truly cared about anything. I don't know how to explain it. My experiences with depression would certainly be different than others though, and people view suicide differently. 

I don't think suicide has much to do with the NT personality traits so much as the I trait. It is well-known that Introverts are more likely to become depressed than extraverts, but there is no causal relationship between the two. There are certain things that need to be present, but the most important is mental imbalance. It could be depression, schizophrenia, or any other condition which would interfere with how an individual perceives the world and the self. A mentally healthy person would have no reason to commit suicide, and they certainly wouldn't think of suicide as an option. This brings to question what makes someone mentally healthy, but I can't give any definitions, but we all have our own perception of what is healthy. Neurologists have been able to isolate suicidal tendencies to the frontal cortex of the brain. People who commit suicide lack basic functioning in that frontal cortex which would normally prevent them from practicing destructive behaviors.

Suicide is still a very misunderstood field, and each case of suicide has different influences. It's hard to make any assumptions about it when so many questions are still unanswered. Here is an article that may interest you. It discusses Suicidal Tendencies and Brain Chemistry.

Health Report - 5/11/01: Suicidal Tendencies and Brain Chemistry


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

For some strange reason it's a thought that comes into my head a lot. When I was a little bit younger it's something that I contemplated doing a bunch, and for some strange reason I dont see my life ending in old age, whenever I think about how I'm going to die, it's usually from suicide. 

I used to be way more inclined to actually do it. Ironically, I lost the inclination to go through with it when I stopped believing in God and became an atheist. When I stopped believing in an afterlife, it simultaneously made me cherish this life and realize that death is eternal rest. So it removed the stigma of having to experience hellfire for killing myself, but it made me realize I dont really get another chance so I might as well see this thing through.



Maethirion said:


> I've gone through depression and I've thought about suicide, but I have a low tolerance for pain, and *I guess I always viewed suicide as a cowardly way to end things*, no offense. It wasn't so much that I would be hurting others, because at that point, I was stuck in this frame of thinking that feelings were only superficial and that nobody really, truly cared about anything. I don't know how to explain it. My experiences with depression would certainly be different than others though, and people view suicide differently.


I never understood this mentality. Sure suicide is "giving up", but in no way is it "cowardly". It takes balls to kill yourself. Try even inflicting pain upon yourself, your mind wont let you do it. We're like programmed for self preservation, suicide is the ultimate cheat code. I've never thought of it as a "cowardly way out". I always thought of it as the balls to take matters into your own hands. Honestly, if you've hated life up until a certain point, I dont think it's going to magically get better.

I mean all of this without trying to offend.


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## Ngg (Jul 22, 2010)

> I always thought of it as the balls to take matters into your own hands.


Yes and no. The act of suicide itself is definitely one of the hardest things to do for a human considering our instinct towards self-preservation. Now is it really the bravest? I dunno... I think trying to deal with shit that comes your way and improving your life is often not only more logical but also shows more character. I'll make the exception for terminally ill and total paralysis patients, and extremely old people who wish to 'leave' sooner.
Of course, these matters are subject to each's personal ethics...


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

Ngg said:


> Yes and no. The act of suicide itself is definitely one of the hardest things to do for a human considering our instinct towards self-preservation. Now is it really the bravest? I dunno... I think trying to deal with shit that comes your way and improving your life is often not only more logical but also shows more character. I'll make the exception for terminally ill and total paralysis patients, and extremely old people who wish to 'leave' sooner.
> Of course, these matters are subject to each's personal ethics...


I agree sort of. I'm not the kind of person that condones killing yourself over something stupid like your SO dumped you, or you dont know what to do because all these bills are piling up. However, if you wake up one day and you're like "Fuck, life sucks and it doesn't look like it's getting any better", then I think you gave it a shot and all the best to you.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

I don't believe I have ever thought of taking my own life, at least I haven't done so whilst seriously considering the act itself. I tend to have a rather strong will to live, so I suppose I would not consider suicide myself anyway unless I really could not bear to live any longer.

Personally, I think the only situation I would want to end it myself would be if I was unable to look after myself - if I was elderly, and began developing Alzheimer's or some other similar condition, I would most likely commit suicide at around the time I was losing the last of my autonomy and ability to look after myself. Also, if I was in some sort of accident or had some devastating illness/disease that ended up with me in a hospital bed for the rest of my life, unable to even think due to being in a deep coma or sever vegetative state, I would want to die (I believe that euthanasia should be legal, to allow those who are terminally ill or in vegetative states the right to choose when to die and to be able to die with dignity).


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## Ngg (Jul 22, 2010)

Mr.Xl Vii said:


> I agree sort of. I'm not the kind of person that condones killing yourself over something stupid like your SO dumped you, or you dont know what to do because all these bills are piling up. However, if you wake up one day and you're like "Fuck, life sucks and it doesn't look like it's getting any better", then I think you gave it a shot and all the best to you.


Except if you're not thinking about it rationally because of chemical brain imbalance (what Kyuu pointed out). Then what, are we going to let you do it because you have the right to decide your own fate? It goes back to the age old debate of neurology on depression, trying to distuinguish what is environmental (my life is shit) from what is physiological (my brain chemistry is out of whack).


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

Ngg said:


> Except if you're not thinking about it rationally because of chemical brain imbalance (what Kyuu pointed out). Then what, are we going to let you do it because you have the right to decide your own fate? It goes back to the age old debate of neurology on depression, trying to distuinguish what is environmental (my life is shit) from what is physiological (my brain chemistry is out of whack).


Oh no, if there is a related chemical imbalance then you should obviously treat the mental illness.


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## Ngg (Jul 22, 2010)

Right, but the tricky part is determining it in the first place (before it's too late). You as the subject are probably in the worst position to assess whether your negative thoughts are justifiable or related to chemical inbalance. Even neurologists have a hard time figuring it out. Unfortunately with depression, negative thoughts and stress on one hand, and chemical imbalance on the other intensify each other in a positive feedback manner. 
From what I've observed with my family, highly cerebral people (NTs and sometimes NFs) are more prone to mull over negative thoughts and get caught in the cycle of depression.
Except for medical handicaps that reduce the quality of life (which is more the realm of euthanasia), I think the patient is not in a good position to determine if life is worth living or not. Who knows whats around the corner? Personally, I err on the side of safety and assume that there are good things out there waiting for me.


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

Yeah, I've considered it and even got hospitalized about it once. At the time, I was falling asleep during the day, in constant agonizing pain all the time, and life generally sucked at a massive level. I wanted my plan to be fool-proof, low pain and a bunch of other stuff that made it not feasible.

The fact that I didn't have my perfect solution kept me from doing it initially. Now I have some relationships that I wouldn't want to end that way.

I do know of people that did do it but I'm a little fuzzy on the details in most cases. I'd likely argue that any clue left behind has some interpretation to be done on it that may not be as easy as one would think.


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## WildWinds (Mar 9, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> I don't believe I have ever thought of taking my own life, at least I haven't done so whilst seriously considering the act itself. I tend to have a rather strong will to live, so I suppose I would not consider suicide myself anyway unless I really could not bear to live any longer.
> 
> Personally, I think the only situation I would want to end it myself would be if I was unable to look after myself - if I was elderly, and began developing Alzheimer's or some other similar condition, I would most likely commit suicide at around the time I was losing the last of my autonomy and ability to look after myself. Also, if I was in some sort of accident or had some devastating illness/disease that ended up with me in a hospital bed for the rest of my life, unable to even think due to being in a deep coma or sever vegetative state, I would want to die (I believe that euthanasia should be legal, to allow those who are terminally ill or in vegetative states the right to choose when to die and to be able to die with dignity).


This is pretty much the case with me. 

I've perhaps thought about it, but never seriously or with the intent to act on it. I'm too curious about the world. 

I also agree that euthanasia should be legal. It should be an individual's choice to die if they deem their life no longer worth living.


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## st0831 (Jul 13, 2010)

Yes, I've done it and thought about it. However, it would never be attempted again. In retrospect, it was silly and naive to see that it would be a solution to my own problems when it would only serve as a permanent time freeze, not a solution.

Previously, I didn't value my life as much as I do now and it is my own existence that I place the highest priority on now. At this point in my life, I'd rather do everything else in life including the unmentionables than to end my own life because if...



I'd kill myself for money, I'd just steal, rob, deceive,
I'd kill myself for love (this would never happen because I don't believe in "love"), I'd go out and look for a better one,
or I would kill myself for family, I'd just sever all ties and disappear from their world.
For anyone that might misunderstand, I do not actively go out to eliminate, deceive, and break ties with people. I am giving an example that I would even prioritize those tasks than to actively end my own life.


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

In 4th grade, the worst thing happened to me. I lost my inquisitive nature. I don't know what it was. Maybe a combination of two J parents, the SJ schooling system, other factors leading to my depression, I just don't know. I came home one day, grabbed a butter knife, and tried to stab myself. It wouldn't break through my skin (obviously) and I was saved from myself. I ended up growing out of it not too long afterwards, and now I am a relatively healthy, upstanding, contributing citizen lol. At least as much as an ENTP can be


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## Tootsie (Mar 15, 2011)

Yes...I have had two very serious suicied attempts. I was hospitalized in the regular hospital first, on both occassions and then the behavioral health hospital for several weeks.

I have been diagnoised with bipolar disorder since I was a teenager but I wonder sometimes if this diagnoises is accurate. I have had very few manic episodes and in general I am a negative, glass half empty, type of girl. I think that it might be more accurate to call it severe clinical depression. But...the doctors insisit that it is bipolar. So that is what I am treat and currently on medication for. I have been stable for quite some time.

I can't exlpain exactly what it was that put m over the edge each time. I think it is an act of impulsivity and I am very impulsive. Once I had stoped thinking about it and actted upon it, I immediately took action before I chicken out so to speak. 

I do agree that it is selfish but not that it is easy. It is very hard to do once you make that decision that is why most people who attmept suicide don't actually kill themselves. I tried very hard and failed. Twice.


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## octetstream (Mar 1, 2011)

Suicidal thoughts are at home with a destitute mind. If you reach such a state, go to your family. If your family sucks, go to your friends. If your friends suck, go to the hospital and talk with a crisis counselor.

Anti-depressants should be only a short-term solution. The sequences of events and experiences that bring a mind to the point where medication is necessary indicates that something else in behavioral and lifestyle patterns is malfunctioning. Anti-depressants should be used only to allow a person to assess such patterns, and repair their thought processes.

Counsel is the only real solution to despair. That or murder. Definitely not suicide.


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## PeevesOfCourse (Apr 15, 2010)

bigtex1989 said:


> In 4th grade, the worst thing happened to me. I lost my inquisitive nature. I don't know what it was. Maybe a combination of two J parents, the SJ schooling system, other factors leading to my depression, I just don't know. I came home one day, grabbed a butter knife, and tried to stab myself. It wouldn't break through my skin (obviously) and I was saved from myself. I ended up growing out of it not too long afterwards, and now I am a relatively healthy, upstanding, contributing citizen lol. At least as much as an ENTP can be


wow, a butter knife suicide attempt in 4th grade. I think most N's have some really rough patches in school. I can't say I ever got as far as wanting to off myself because I always assumed that it would get better if I could just think my way out of whatever situation was driving me batty...or put up with it until a certain period of life passed (like school years). I always knew it would pass or I would heal eventually. I remember getting into Buddhism for awhile, and that helped ("walk the bridge over the river of life but build no house upon it").


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## Valiums (Aug 29, 2010)

I still consider suicide on the basis (in short) that if I can't get myself together after 18 years of existence, it's not ever happening. I'm waiting until after I move out to even try anything.
Also, my mother's side of the family has a history of mental illness, so I could be crazy. And that's a really happy thought.
I have myriad of reasons to consider offing myself, but they're all weak. (Which is in itself another reason to off myself; my shit is lame, and I am weak to be sad because of it.)
I'm pretty afraid of death, though, and I'm a big coward, so it's probably not going to happen.


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## octetstream (Mar 1, 2011)

bigtex1989 said:


> In 4th grade, the worst thing happened to me. I lost my inquisitive nature. I don't know what it was. Maybe a combination of two J parents, the SJ schooling system, other factors leading to my depression, I just don't know. I came home one day, grabbed a butter knife, and tried to stab myself. It wouldn't break through my skin (obviously) and I was saved from myself. I ended up growing out of it not too long afterwards, and now I am a relatively healthy, upstanding, contributing citizen lol. At least as much as an ENTP can be


I would use the butter knife threat towards my parents before they divorced (around 7 yo) because they wouldn't stop fighting. Then I demanded that they get a divorce. Whoops!


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

Valiums said:


> I still consider suicide on the basis (in short) that if I can't get myself together after 18 years of existence, it's not ever happening. I'm waiting until after I move out to even try anything.
> Also, my mother's side of the family has a history of mental illness, so I could be crazy. And that's a really happy thought.
> I have myriad of reasons to consider offing myself, but they're all weak. (Which is in itself another reason to off myself; my shit is lame, and I am weak to be sad because of it.)
> I'm pretty afraid of death, though, and I'm a big coward, so it's probably not going to happen.


Well I say don't base it on 18 years. Nothing fucking happens in that time. You dont even know what you want to do with your life and school is bullshit anyway.


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## octetstream (Mar 1, 2011)

Mr.Xl Vii said:


> Well I say don't base it on 18 years. Nothing fucking happens in that time. You dont even know what you want to do with your life and school is bullshit anyway.


I second this. Things really get interesting around 21, and then they die down around 25 as your hormone levels are shifting. Nothing bad about it really. Keep in mind that your brain continues to form until you're about 25, so don't be screwing with drugs, and stay off of unnecessary prescription medication.

I'll give you a recent experience. I avoid all pain killers, with the exception of the occasional otc migraine meds. Kind of stupid, but one of my cousins pointed out to me that he avoided them because their effect is so much stronger when you take it only when you really need it. I've had a cold for the past 2 weeks, and just taking extra-strength generic Tylenol twice a day has been enough for ALL the pain and sinus issues. I'm almost 30, and that's kind of cool actually.

You never know where life will take you, but my 20's have been great! And "getting your shit together" is really all just a state of mind.


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## lumpunzik (Jan 27, 2009)

Still, not enjoying life very much after ~20 years can take its mental toll. Especially when you do everything you can to make it better for years and nothing actually gets any better. I have regular thoughts about it but will probably never actually do it. I'm just stuck with letting my own life suck so other people can enjoy their own with peace of mind about me, because somehow I'm an incredible inspiration (even though I don't believe it) to my closest friends and family.

I've considered seeing a therapist/counselor but I don't see them as worth the money.


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

In college, a lot of stuff gets better. New people, new environment, a lot more freedom.


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

lumpunzik said:


> Still, not enjoying life very much after ~20 years can take its mental toll. Especially when you do everything you can to make it better for years and nothing actually gets any better. I have regular thoughts about it but will probably never actually do it. I'm just stuck with letting my own life suck so other people can enjoy their own with peace of mind about me, because somehow I'm an incredible inspiration (even though I don't believe it) to my closest friends and family.
> 
> I've considered seeing a therapist/counselor but I don't see them as worth the money.




Funny story, a few years ago, I wanted to drop out of college and go be a hobo. No responsibilities, no pressure, no nothing. I told my parents and my mom (ESFJ) thought I was mentally ill. She brought me to a psychologist. Granted, I didn't have to personally pay for it, but it was a lot of fun! All the tests were really cool, the psychologist was somewhat intelligent, really nice, and overly impressed with my mental prowess. Diagnosis: I was a Renaissance man, born in the wrong time. 500 years ago I would have been the greatest thing since sliced bread.


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## lumpunzik (Jan 27, 2009)

Allow me to elucidate a little bit: I don't know if college counselors are any good but I saw one for the better part of last year and it didn't help. Maybe seeing a shrink I have to pay for would help, but I still have my doubts that it would be worth the time and money.


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## octetstream (Mar 1, 2011)

lumpunzik said:


> I've considered seeing a therapist/counselor but I don't see them as worth the money.


If you've considered therapy then it's worth the money. Stigmas are for stupid people who don't want to change. Change is for people who believe things can get better. Trust me, things can always get better.

Suicide: long-term solution to a short-term problem.


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## Sanskrit (Feb 6, 2011)

I have never thought of suicide. And even in the case of worst disease I would cling to hope of a cure to be found one day, and even in event of inevitable death I'd like to have my body frozen in cryogenic module. Life, this only one I have is to me all I have, my way and my chance to experience the world, anything else than life itself is just extra. 
To see times change, people grow and learn, humans achieve and discover new things, all of that is too exhilarating and wonderful to give up on chance to observe it as long as possible.
Accumulation of knowledge and data is the best thing in life, and also free and limitless.
No amount of pain can get me to want to die, that much I know of myself.



lumpunzik said:


> Allow me to elucidate a little bit: I don't know if college counselors are any good but I saw one for the better part of last year and it didn't help. Maybe seeing a shrink I have to pay for would help, but I still have my doubts that it would be worth the time and money.


@lumpunzik: As an INTJ you likely are aware of how little importance feelings truly are and what truly matters are the ideas. Perhaps you just need yourself a good idea to live by. an idea of self as an instrument for massing information to one day document it all. Life from your perspective, no matter how much sucks, to someone else might be an adventure to unique mind ever so enthralling.
Don't mind the depression so much, be yourself for yourself and be alive for the sake of not being dead.
Stoic life with nothing more than purpose of self-mastery is one to admire, perhaps a good calling if all else seems unclear as it stands in your life?


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## Noe (Feb 17, 2011)

There have been two NTs in my family who've committed suicide ..in the most crude manner possible. There were no clues or even obvious reasons, we still don't really know why. At the time, they were wealthy and seemingly pleased with life.

I've thought about suicide multiple times as a result of my health issues, not depression. Throughout my entire life I continuously develop major health problems, to the point where I'm in some kind of internal pain 24/7, and sometimes, pain worth hospitalizing me. It's very difficult to live with; my life is not only hindered by it, but defined by it- whether I like it or not.

But then I realized life is too fascinating.


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## Ben (Aug 23, 2009)

I've considered it, but never tried or took those thoughts seriously. If anything, I'm too scared of the uncertainties of death to really do it. Plus, in the long run, I like life. I only have one chance to live, so why not take it?


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## lumpunzik (Jan 27, 2009)

Sanskrit said:


> Life from your perspective, no matter how much sucks, to someone else might be an adventure to unique mind ever so enthralling.


I've heard the "many would kill to be in your shoes" argument before. I don't dispute it at all, but when I'm feeling down I naturally reject it like stereotypical young suburban american teenagers. "All alone in my white boy pain", as it were. The lament clouds my thoughts and keeps me from doing good for myself. The problem isn't getting past it though; the problem is figuring out what is actually good for me.



> Don't mind the depression so much, be yourself for yourself and be alive for the sake of not being dead.
> Stoic life with nothing more than purpose of self-mastery is one to admire, perhaps a good calling if all else seems unclear as it stands in your life?


I'm already doing the first bit. Like I said, I've never had serious thoughts about suicide. Just frequent thoughts about it are usually brought upon by frustration from various sources (failing to achieve alpha male status, not regularly attaining perfectionism, a broken internal locus of control, etc.) A lot of it probably has to do with my social environment. I could change it by leaving my university, but I do value getting a degree (if I can get through a huge problem class this semester and then four or so more semesters after it) for the accreditation. 

Second bit: emotions are there and always will be there, however irrelevant or irrational they are. I still have the limitation of being human. Self-mastery/self-sufficiency is a great and admirable thing I want to acheive but, unfortunately, I still need people close to me to appreciate it. Otherwise I get existential. Plus it's vague; I need to be clear with myself and my goals, and every step I need to take to achieve them.


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## Sanskrit (Feb 6, 2011)

lumpunzik said:


> I've heard the "many would kill to be in your shoes" argument before. I don't dispute it at all, but when I'm feeling down I naturally reject it like stereotypical young suburban american teenagers. "All alone in my white boy pain", as it were. The lament clouds my thoughts and keeps me from doing good for myself. The problem isn't getting past it though; the problem is figuring out what is actually good for me.
> 
> I'm already doing the first bit. Like I said, I've never had serious thoughts about suicide. Just frequent thoughts about it are usually brought upon by frustration from various sources (failing to achieve alpha male status, not regularly attaining perfectionism, a broken internal locus of control, etc.) A lot of it probably has to do with my social environment. I could change it by leaving my university, but I do value getting a degree (if I can get through a huge problem class this semester and then four or so more semesters after it) for the accreditation.
> 
> Second bit: emotions are there and always will be there, however irrelevant or irrational they are. I still have the limitation of being human. Self-mastery/self-sufficiency is a great and admirable thing I want to achieve but, unfortunately, I still need people close to me to appreciate it. Otherwise I get existential. Plus it's vague; I need to be clear with myself and my goals, and every step I need to take to achieve them.


Certainly there are always "buts" and "because's" and most likely good ones, Yet it goes without saying how insignificant are the other people in the end. They come and go, life is a change and what changes the most in it are the people you meet. You have yourself; the instrument of your will, an important thing to realize is that as long as you can conceptualize it, you have a chance to grasp it.
And NT's are known for their ability to bypass the need of instant gratification so I am sure you have all the makings to meet the goal.

What comes to self mastery, it will be appreciated by many you will meet, and as you attain such status those people who are attracted to such quality will come to you and in their reverence they shall most likely provide you the support you need to sustain that state  We can not expect that from our current pool of contacts we could find the sort of people who have similar values and goals, and this is the hardest part to overcome. Often you meet more opposition and demands to conform to their ideals than respect for your goals and ideals. This is because to your general public unique nature is a challenge of authority. A threat that a person they do not respect can gain status and over over them if they do not bash you down. You need to fight this along side your own self development in order to raise above the mass.

I hope you will find strength and resilience to prevail. World needs people who are not content of the current way of the world, or it will never grow.


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

I was really suicidal when I was a young teenager. It started out as curiosity ("Would anyone miss me/care if I died?") and then escalated to actually wanting to carry out the action. What stopped me was one friend who knew about it and talked me out of it, and I was also afraid of it really hurting and of someone finding me half-alive and taking me to the hospital. Subsequently, being in romantic relationships also helped me refrain from suicide because I always knew the guy I was dating would be absolutely crushed if I killed myself. All it ever took to keep me from doing it was knowing one person actually cared.


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## octetstream (Mar 1, 2011)

goodgracesbadinfluence said:


> I was really suicidal when I was a young teenager. It started out as curiosity ("Would anyone miss me/care if I died?") and then escalated to actually wanting to carry out the action. What stopped me was one friend who knew about it and talked me out of it, and I was also afraid of it really hurting and of someone finding me half-alive and taking me to the hospital. Subsequently, being in romantic relationships also helped me refrain from suicide because I always knew the guy I was dating would be absolutely crushed if I killed myself. All it ever took to keep me from doing it was knowing one person actually cared.


I'd go through the process of considering who would care, and I'd always find so many people. And the thought of them missing me breaks my heart, because I know whether or not they need me in this singular moment they really do need me to be here.


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## cam3llia (Mar 5, 2011)

My therapist says that it's perfectly normal for people to consider suicide when things get completely out of control; when they're really emotional. I guess actually going through with it, is a different matter.

I've considered suicide several times in the past, was quite close to actually going through with it. What stopped me was...

(1) There was too much anger/rage inside of me to let go of. I felt like suicide was allowing all those external forces define my life, in a sense it was letting 'them' win.

(2)It's ironic but the realization that my death wouldn't really have an effect on others actually made me value my life a lot more. I realized that if I died, perhaps my parents would be upset for a day or two, but after awhile their life would just go on. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter if you're loved/unloved, at the end of the say you're the only one who has the power to choose whether to live or to die.

(3)I've never really been happy with what I had or where I was in life, this constant unhappiness made me strive for a time/place in which I would finally be happy. If I choose suicide, all my suffering would have been in vain, and I would never grasp onto that which I desire.

(4)Blood make me queasy, and the whole idea of suicide is just too mess.


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## knght990 (Jul 28, 2009)

I seriously considered it. I had all the typical thoughts, that i would show them, they would miss me when i was gone, etc.
Then i realized few people even knew me and the only people who would see i was dead were the bullies and they would just think they won. I decided not to give them the satisfaction.


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## sonicdrink (Aug 11, 2010)

When I was young, I definitely questioned why I was born, again and again in hard times, but I have never wanted to commit suicide. Also, when I was in high school my neighbor committed suicide, and she was a year younger than me in junior high. I never want anyone to feel like it's an option.


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## alphacat (Mar 17, 2011)

I'm constantly having fits of depression. When I do, I think about just killing myself and be done with it all. I tend to internalize a lot of things, and I find that when there's no one else around me who I could talk to, I tend to over think things. I think about why I can't make friends as easily as others, why there's nobody I can talk to, why I'm not as successful as I want to be, why I keep disappointing people, and why I'm single. This cycle of thought is generally degenerating, and eventually spirals into thoughts of suicide as a mean to 'reset' everything. So perhaps in my next life, I would not be an introvert, and might be able to be happy.

I guess the reason why I never attempted suicide is because these issues aren't really that pressing, and I know that they can be solved via other means. I also don't want to make my friends and relatives have to deal with my suicide, as they will probably blame themselves.

I find that having good friends who understand you, and relatives who care about you really curbs depression. A lot of times depression goes as fast as it comes, and it's generally those people who drag me out of my shell that drives away the depression.

The INTP profile indicates that we need a lot of time alone. This is surely true, however, I think that just because that's our natural tendency does not mean it's good for us. In order to be a well balanced individual, an INTP, or any INT, needs to eventually realize the merits of friends, and be open to things that we might not like but are good for us.


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## octetstream (Mar 1, 2011)

Don't sit around thinking that someone just "has" depression either. That's what the drug companies want you to believe, and that's why there are endless commercials for pills to make your penis stand up, and to make your endless depression go away.

Psychologists and neurologists who study depression suggest that depression is just another modality our brains operate within to reassess and reprogram. Put yourself on a pill to "fix the problem" chemically alters a natural state of mind. Depression is normal, but long durations of depression aren't healthy. Heck, even acute major depression is normal following a major life event.

When you're in high school you're going to be depressed every other day just because you're trying to figure out the world. And that doesn't even take into consideration hormonal changes. Don't forget high school isn't the world, and you'll never see 95% of the people again.

But hey, all those parents who think they need to medicate their children to make them "behave" "normally" are just doing what they're told by the TV. And if they're not being told by the TV, they're being told by school teachers who've been told by the TV. Want to know why your kid can't pay attention at school? Because it's extremely boring, designed by ISTJs for all the dumb kids of the world, and then when the kid gets home his parents don't want to pay any attention to him. He's miserable because of YOUR OWN FAILURES AS PARENTS, and you fail them again by chemically altering them. Thankfully there's a TV show for that too...


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I'd rather not kill myself.


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## Glaukopis (May 27, 2011)

Imperatrix said:


> So my question is, for those who wish to share, have you ever considered suicide? Why? What kept you from doing it? Did anyone you know/love take their own life? Did they leave some sort of clue as to why?


Yes, I have considered suicide. I was driven more by anxiety that I would end up being a disappointment to my parents (Long story short - only daughter in a nuclear family and my brother is the only grandson to pass on the family name therefore I was... regarded as something else) and to go would actually be a relief to myself. I actually had a plan to do it - gas oven/drugs and living by myself. I stopped short when I checked myself into the college counseling services.

There are people I know have taken their lives and at the same, are taking their lives in the slowest manner ever. The people I know have a certain amount of self loathing that no amount of compensation or encouragement can help.


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## cdnwolverine (Feb 19, 2010)

3 times, 14, 19 and 25. Nobody ever knew, and it was the 'pills and sleep' route.

Each time, I woke up the next day, said "fuck" and went about my regular routine. 

As for why, it's because it seemed better than continuing on pointless existence. But considering that it's also the only one I've got, might as well keep on since it beats the alternative. I guess.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

I always keep the possibility open to commit suicide, it gives me some kind of power (I can leave whenever I want), I can detach me from everything (emotionally); nothing is permanent. I was very sensitive and self-conscious before I had this mindset, now I just don't care how people see me, it doesn't stress me anymore. I have nothing to prove to anybody nor to myself.

Example: I wear nice clothes in a pure functional way (_to reach my goal_; good public image for example) but not to avoid bad critic (_fear_ of being rejected) like I did before I had the 'nothing is forever' mindset.

I never attempted suicide.


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## PyrLove (Jun 6, 2010)

I have never thought about or attempted suicide but my estranged husband thought about it and attempted it multiple times during his life. He succeeded back in January.

As was mentioned early in the thread, it is not something that is easy to do. Self-preservation, even for the mentally ill, is a hard instinct to overcome. Intellectually, I understand the appeal of suicide and the notion that you can choose to end your pain. I believe it is an individual's right and an individual's choice. It does not reflect on the individual's family or friends. If you choose to kill yourself, your death is no one's fault but your own.

Still, anyone who thinks suicide is the best choice is a selfish fool.


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## saltare (Jun 17, 2011)

They always say that ignorance is bliss.


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## Pretzel (Jun 11, 2011)

When I was a bit younger, I was fairly depressed. There was this painfully heavy weight, always riding on my sholders. I would always stress out about the most insignificant things to make me feel worse. At a certain point, I starting seeing ways my life could end every which way I looked. To be honest, I think it was more of a cooping mechanism than anything else.

The weight always seemed a little bit lighter when I knew that I didn't have to bear the weight if I couldn't. It was morbid, but between that and my logic (I'd always remind myself that if I was feeling this bad, then at some point in life I must have been happier, and that if I could be happy before, I could be happy again) it made things bearable to actually deal with.

If I ever got more tempted to than usual, I'd force myself to wait at least 2 weeks. It wasn't enough for me to feel good, but it was enough for the weight to go back to something I was used to carrying.

After a couple years it started to get better. I still remember that shocked feeling I had when I was on the second level of the mall, and realized that I hadn't already pictured myself jumping off of it.

Wierdly enough, it was while I wasn't depressed that I tried to take my life.

I have a bunch of medical problems that I've been going to different doctors to get help for. One doctor was a bit unorthodox. He believed that if I fixed my insomnia, that everything else would fall in place. After trying more mild ways to fix my sleep, he ended up prescibing me a whole slew of antipsychotics to use off label to fix my sleep. I would take one for two days, switch to a different one for another two days, and keep switching.

After it became obvious that his ideas weren't helping, I went to a different doctor. Because the medicines I was taking weren't actually for depression, he thought that it was alright for me to stop taking them all at once. (Not a good idea!) My personality is normally pretty apathetic, and since I bedridden for so long the isolation made that even more prevalent. The sudden drop in medicine combined with my apathy caused me to start mildly hallucinating.

I ended up convinced that I was supposed to be dead (since I had no emotions and my logic was too fuzzy to see anything wrong with that). So, I took two bottles full of pills and planned on going to sleep. My dad came upstairs, which knocked me out of my daze enough to tell him what I did. I don't remember much after that, but apparently I puked a lot through out the night, and my family took me to the hospital in the morning. My pupils were still unresponsive for most of the day in the hospital.

Oddly enough, the hospital allowed my parents to take me home with no psych evaluation. They made the excuse that I just really wanted to sleep (hence taking all of the pills), and was delirious from the lack of it. (They didn't want my name put down in the system.)

Something that irritates me though, is that even while my family assumed I was seriously depressed (they didn't know that being cut from the meds so suddenly affected me), they sort of forgot about it a day or two afterwards. By that point I still was refered to as the most sane person in the house, and the one who it was okay to ignore.

I told my dad and brother the truth in passing a couple weeks later, I would have told my mom, but she already forgot about it by then.



A memeber of my family once tried to take his life too. But it wasn't really because he wanted to die, he was high on unprescribed meds and wanted to "be dramatic" and take all of the pills to show that he was some what depressed lately. He called me upstairs slurring his speach and asked me to make him an icecream sundae. He then dropped it on the floor, started playing online poker, and rambled non-stop. I tried to wrestle away the laptop but he kept slapping me away. So instead I took his credit card so he couldn't blow anymore money. Then he started saying how horrible his life was, and that he wanted to take more pills. I tried to explain that much more of them and he could kill himself, and then he started saying how he wanted to kill himself. I ended up wrestling the bottle away from him, getting a couple of bruises in the process. Eventually he passed out.

I looked up what the dangerous signs of an overdose for the meds he took were (unreactive pupils and a dangerous drop in blood pressure), and monitored them. Flashing lights in his eyes and checking his blood pressure with my blood pressure cuff.

He denies that he really wanted to kill himself, and he probably didn't, but he was close enough that I'd still count it as an attempt.

I offer my condolences for your loss. And hope that the personal information I shared could be of use to you.


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## NSkyler (Jun 21, 2011)

In my younger years (teens) was when I thought and did attempted suicide. It was never a logical move to me, but at some stage I was sick of being the "different" one compared to my classmates and family. My head doesn't stop thinking, it doesn't stop analyzing and at some point: I just wanted to be _normal_. That didn't work out, it was stupid wanting to be like other people. 

It really tests your sanity being surrounded by idiots and not have anyone you can communicate with and have the same mutual respect. 

Nowadays, regardless of what happens. I'm out there to achieve my goal irregardless of what happens in life and killing myself means giving up and those two words are not in my vocabulary.


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## RRRoooaaaRRR (Jun 18, 2011)

> Maethirion: A mentally healthy person would have no reason to commit suicide, and they certainly wouldn't think of suicide as an option.


This is not true. I was quite stable mentally - never been more so. when I planned out my suicide 18 months ago! I had been set up falsely accused and was not going to risk being found guilty because of bent witnesses out to punish me for being a POA for one of their family members. They thought only they should have control. I was charged and elected county court. I planned my suicide as I was not going to prison - no way. Subsequently I demanded thwe CPS set out what on earth they were doing and based on what, I then had an hour long conversation with the senior prosecutor. The CPS senior prosecutor then wrote me an apologetic letter setting out their error and that I should never have been charged in the first place and they admitted incompetence. Subsequently I was beaten up and left for dead by the family and suffered a brain haemorrage and was unable to walk for a year without falling.


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## RRRoooaaaRRR (Jun 18, 2011)

If you feel suicidal please make sure you read ALL the threads and I suggest you ignore any that have a patronising feel to them


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

I've thought about committing suicide, but never attempted it. I just went out with friends and got trashed on alcohol instead.


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## Transcendence (Apr 25, 2011)

I have attempted suicide. 
But someone stopped me. 

I'm extremely grateful.


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## madferit (May 7, 2011)

I have thought of how smoking is the slowest way of committing suicide.


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## AvocatInTraining (Nov 18, 2012)

No, since I''m somewhat religious, I reckon my life would be even worse if I kill myself, being in hell for eternity is not worth killing myself in this world. Just deal with things logically is the way to go


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## TheProcrastinatingMaster (Jun 4, 2012)

I think about it a lot, don't know if I could do it unless my circumstances got a lot worse. Maybe if I'm forty and working some dead end job.


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## MountainTopView (Mar 3, 2013)

I have only had thoughts of suicide in a very objective point of view, I guess something that is more or less as a possibility of life. In other words, I have never even remotely seriously considered it...I have just thought of it as more of a role play (or a thought experiment if you wish) of what would happen to my family, how I would do it, how would the people around me feel. Kinda of twisted now that I think about it that I have considered all of this stuff lol!


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## TBK (Feb 6, 2013)

When I think about killing myself, it's usually because it's a logical thing to do.

I get caught on how hopeless and useless the entirety of the human race is, how none of us are actual_ly doing __anything that matters. 

_I think it's usually an existential thing.

The other 'not usual' times are anger. It isn't a 'woe is me' or 'please care' sort of thing. It's an 'I hate you' thing.


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## INFJane (Apr 6, 2011)

First time I fell in love I was way more of an extrovert than I am today/anymore. Then, I was more balanced with the Se side of my INTJness. We were just teenagers. He was a tall, blond, video game loving INFP with angular facial features.... cut from marble. Anyway, he was a total rebel at heart. I was 16 he was 18. I was really busy then- working a job and performing as a chorus girl. He hated my schedule and told me he missed me often. He broke up with me out of quick fury one night over the phone, and I was like "Fine, sure, break up with me." _Any other impulsive illogical idea's I should know about?_ I knew he'd change his mind. I thought he was just being emotional and ridiculous.

He called me the next morning. He sounded worse. He usually spoke in a soft slow voice and that day his voice was rapid and pissed some what triumphant. I told him i was gonna stop by for some stuff I wanted back. I came to his house and went inside. He was finishing up beers and downing over the counter sleeping pills. I saw on his desktop a fat Word document and looked at him in disbelief. 

He immediately started going off on me about how little must care about him, and how no matter how many pages he could write about it I'd never fully understand his feelings. Well that rant must have been really exhausting because he fell asleep about 10 minutes after I arrived. I called an ambulance. He went to the E.R. and has scars on his body from where they shocked his heart back to life. 

He and I don't talk anymore. That event tapped me into my intuition a lot further. From what I've heard from other people, he's a recluse today. He won't leave the house for any reason. His friends are people on internet games. I don't blame myself for his actions even though he told me it would be okay to... I have a great life today without him in it.


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## nrcoggin (Mar 18, 2012)

Sorry for your loss. I don't know if it has that much to do with MBTI though. I have worked as a paramedic for over 8 years and during that time have known 8 people that I worked with that have killed themselves and been on more suicides than I can count on calls. I was diagnosed with PTSD 5 years ago and wanted to kill myself for quite a while. What stopped me were my parents. I didn't want to hurt them. I did act very irresponsible in hopes I would die though. They payed for me to go speak with a psychologist which seemed to help and I learned how to cope with things better.


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## Polymaniac (Apr 8, 2012)

This poll is missing an 'I have committed suicide' option.

But yes, I think of suicide oftener than most. In the words of Nietzsche, “The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”


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