# What makes an INFP man super happy in a relationship?



## Catherine1000

I am new to this MBTI thing and a few days ago my man and I took the test and discovered he is an INFP and I am an INFJ.

I would love to hear from INFP men about what makes you happy in a relationship. What gives you joy?

What do you need most from a woman?

How would you describe the ideal relationship for you?

Does anyone have tips or insights about an INFP - INFJ relationship?

Thanks for answering.


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## TheJ

I dated an INFJ. There were some differences and some similarities.
Since I think those differences were personal and not an indication of all relationships between INFJs and INFPs, i'll stick to answering what i'd like in a relationship. While that's personal too and not an indication of all INFPs, at least I can vouch for it being correct for me, without misrepresenting any other party.

In a relationship, I love to be involved and loved. 
Involved- meaning I'm a big part of the girl's life. 
Everything she wants to tell me I wanna hear and I wanna hear out her reasoning on why she thinks things. 
I less like to hear about the distant past unless it's relevant to her reasoning, and prefer to stick to listening about what she's up to currently or what she's gonna be doing. 
I like making plans that involve us both, and I like philosophical talks as long as it isn't done in a judgemental way ("Oh, you think that way? Well that's *insert pejorative statement*, cuz I think this way"). 
I like openness and never feeling like I need to change my way, which brings me to the other point.

Being loved to me is being accepted. Accepted in my ways, acknowledged for the things I do and want to do and how I do them; Not expecting things that are out of my character (Problem I've had with said INFJ). And that's how I'd act towards the other person too.

I enjoy niceness in a girl, i like to hear kind words and encouragement as long as it isn't fake, and I enjoy spending quality time with her. I enjoy the physical nature of a relationship and I think it's wonderful to be able to spend a whole day lazily, snuggling in bed. For some that'll sound boring, for me spending the whole day doing nothing important with the other person sounds ideal. 

As for showing love myself- I'm not much of a gift giver, and I don't really know how to express my love in doing favors for the other person. To me it'll feel patronizing to do favors for the other person if they haven't asked, as it feels like I'm saying that they can't do these things themselves despite thinking that they should

I would rather show my love physically by doing my best in bed, spending a lot of time cuddling and kissing, and spending time watching movies or doing some sort of activity together.
I like it when a girl can say whatever she thinks to me, i expect a girl that loves me to be able to say anything she has on her mind and knowing that she can trust me with any information. I welcome rants with a hug and encouraging words.
I like to be there for her to support her emotionally as well as provide reasonable solutions for her problems if solutions are needed. 

Hope that answers some of your questions


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## Catherine1000

This is awesome. Thanks. Several of the things you mention match my INFP man. It helps me see them more clearly and know to focus on them more. And they are all things I like also (snuggling all day, being involved, communicating a lot, spending lots of time together...). I don't care about gifts and stuff either.


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## OdinsVardogr

Most needed; To have a belief in my ideas, vision and abilities.

Some ideals in a relationship: 


Space, when needed

Someone who can review my thoughts carefully

When they can see my intention clear as day

A mutual enthusiasm and curiosity for nature

Steamy window intimacy 

Hold and carry intellectual debates

Excellent communication

Her researching online to better please her man (Keeper!)

Tip. Be vigilant when an INFP is emotional, their decisions can be heavily biased, and may cause deep hurt to an INFJ. Even when it is not intended.


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## Kappa

Based on my two failed relationships with INFJ females, the number one thing that an INFP needs is unconditional acceptance of who they are without having to justify it. An INFP's inner world is highly complex and damn near impossible to put into words. Both relationships broke down because they felt like I resisted letting them understand me. Like I was hiding myself from them. I think it is the struggle between Fe and Fi. I don't need to be understood, I need to feel comfortable just being me.


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## Catherine1000

OdinsVardogr said:


> Most needed; To have a belief in my ideas, vision and abilities.
> 
> Some ideals in a relationship:
> 
> 
> Space, when needed
> 
> Someone who can review my thoughts carefully
> 
> When they can see my intention clear as day
> 
> A mutual enthusiasm and curiosity for nature
> 
> Steamy window intimacy
> 
> Hold and carry intellectual debates
> 
> Excellent communication
> 
> Her researching online to better please her man (Keeper!)
> 
> Tip. Be vigilant when an INFP is emotional, their decisions can be heavily biased, and may cause deep hurt to an INFJ. Even when it is not intended.


We both love nature SO much!

Wow. Thanks so much for the tip. I have been startled and a little hurt a couple times when he has reacted to something I said, that was not even remotely confrontational. He felt like I was being "dismissive" once and "making assumptions" the other time. He did not try to clarify what I meant and did not see that my intentions were actually about respecting his space and being flexible. It was like he temporarily forgot what kind of person I am. I held in my hurt and stayed calm and constructive. I've recently bought "Communication Miracles for Couples" and asked him if he would like to read it together and practice the techniques together. He said yes, but hasn't started reading the book yet. I hate to nag.

In addition to wanting to make him the happiest man on the planet, I am also researching ways to handle misunderstandings and conflict in the calmest, most constructive, mutually loving way possible. I have been wondering if INFPs tend to be easily offended or annoyed. And if so, what to do about it. In every other way, our relationship is like a dream. All our values are perfectly in sync, all the things we care about or enjoy doing are in sync. In a year, we have only had these few times that can hardly be called conflict. But I want to make sure we protect the magic, BEFORE it is potentially damaged. Hence researching conflict resolution. Until I discovered MBTI and INFJ descriptions I always felt weird about my perfectionist, bookworm, Librarian, research approach to everything. And others have laughed at me. But my INFP guy loves this about me. 

I think that INFP men probably are the best, most skilled, romantic lovers of all men. (I'm also researching ways to give the most happiness in this ... um ... category. Partly online and partly books.)

Thanks again for the insights.


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## Catherine1000

Kappa said:


> Based on my two failed relationships with INFJ females, the number one thing that an INFP needs is unconditional acceptance of who they are without having to justify it. An INFP's inner world is highly complex and damn near impossible to put into words. Both relationships broke down because they felt like I resisted letting them understand me. Like I was hiding myself from them. I think it is the struggle between Fe and Fi. I don't need to be understood, I need to feel comfortable just being me.



Thanks for this advice. It actually makes me happy. I am so used to people getting annoyed at me because they couldn't understand me and they couldn't make me be more normal and they didn't understand my need for space. I love unique individuals and respect their need to be. I love that my man is unconventional and cares about things that matter and is deep and complex. I just want to enjoy him - I don't need to figure him out completely. 

I'm writing notes on paper, from all the responses here, so I won't forget anything. I'll compile a complete list.

I wish I'd found my INFP man a long time ago. After reading MBTI stuff, I think the two main relationships in my life were probably both ESTJ and ESTP. What a nightmare. I'm sure there are lots of wonderful ESTJ men and ESTP men in the world. It's just these two men with their own dysfunctions combined with their ST approaches to life, were nightmares for me.


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## OdinsVardogr

Catherine1000 said:


> We both love nature SO much!
> 
> Wow. Thanks so much for the tip. I have been startled and a little hurt a couple times when he has reacted to something I said, that was not even remotely confrontational. He felt like I was being "dismissive" once and "making assumptions" the other time. He did not try to clarify what I meant and did not see that my intentions were actually about respecting his space and being flexible. It was like he temporarily forgot what kind of person I am. I held in my hurt and stayed calm and constructive. I've recently bought "Communication Miracles for Couples" and asked him if he would like to read it together and practice the techniques together. He said yes, but hasn't started reading the book yet. I hate to nag.
> 
> In addition to wanting to make him the happiest man on the planet, I am also researching ways to handle misunderstandings and conflict in the calmest, most constructive, mutually loving way possible. I have been wondering if INFPs tend to be easily offended or annoyed. And if so, what to do about it. In every other way, our relationship is like a dream. All our values are perfectly in sync, all the things we care about or enjoy doing are in sync. In a year, we have only had these few times that can hardly be called conflict. But I want to make sure we protect the magic, BEFORE it is potentially damaged. Hence researching conflict resolution. Until I discovered MBTI and INFJ descriptions I always felt weird about my perfectionist, bookworm, Librarian, research approach to everything. And others have laughed at me. But my INFP guy loves this about me.
> 
> I think that INFP men probably are the best, most skilled, romantic lovers of all men. (I'm also researching ways to give the most happiness in this ... um ... category. Partly online and partly books.)
> 
> Thanks again for the insights.


 You sound great. he sounds great, lucky people! INFJ's and INFP's are at their most compatible later on in their lives i suspect. Sorry to hear about the lack of enthusiasm from your INFP to read the book with you, we're not so good with prompts. We have to feel like doing it first. But i may have a little gift for you both, which really got me thinking about love and how it's expressed and maintained. I feel Number ll explains eloquently what you described ask 'protecting the magic'. Click here for the link to the gift.


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## Catherine1000

OdinsVardogr said:


> You sound great. he sounds great, lucky people! INFJ's and INFP's are at their most compatible later on in their lives i suspect. Sorry to hear about the lack of enthusiasm from your INFP to read the book with you, we're not so good with prompts. We have to feel like doing it first. But i may have a little gift for you both, which really got me thinking about love and how it's expressed and maintained. I feel Number ll explains eloquently what you described ask 'protecting the magic'. .



Wow! Thank you for that gift! I love it! It matches my philosophy exactly. My INFP and I have already had conversations about some of the points in it. I see what you mean about it relating to protecting the magic. I can't wait to share it with my man, and to read the book, follow the writer.

Thank you so much.


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## Morfy

For me it's quite simple:

A deeply felt, genuine connection that goes both ways.

Then I'd also need signs of affection, mostly physical or verbal ones. I'd love a partner that I can truly be myself around and who loves me for who I am.

They should share some of my ideals and at least not be completely opposed to them or else the relationship wouldn't work out.

The relationship should also have a friendship aspect to it. It should be fun and exciting and casual while also loving, intimate and intense.


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## bigstupidgrin

Biggest simplest piece of advice: Let us be ourselves.


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## Catherine1000

Morfinyon said:


> For me it's quite simple:
> 
> A deeply felt, genuine connection that goes both ways.
> 
> Then I'd also need signs of affection, mostly physical or verbal ones. I'd love a partner that I can truly be myself around and who loves me for who I am.
> 
> They should share some of my ideals and at least not be completely opposed to them or else the relationship wouldn't work out.
> 
> The relationship should also have a friendship aspect to it. It should be fun and exciting and casual while also loving, intimate and intense.




This sounds like exactly what we have!


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## Morfy

Catherine1000 said:


> This sounds like exactly what we have!


Haha congratulations, that sounds pretty amazing =)


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