# What do you prefer? *fucking* or *making love* ?



## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

They each have a purpose.
I can do either, depending on the circumstances.

The people involved have to want the same thing, though.


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## Crystall (Mar 30, 2010)

Promethea said:


> i'd say a combination of the two is certainly possible. and that is what i prefer. fucking someone i love.


Definitely a bit of both. For me it's usually more about fucking than love making, but every now and then it's nice to switch it up and have a soft and romantic session. It all depends on the mood of the moment though.


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## Bellsouth (Aug 4, 2011)

Rosslyn said:


> Never said he raped me. And you should at least plan in a safe word. I didn't want to plan it, but I don't think it's fair what he did, so no, I won't 'get over myself' considering my ex was a leech who never cared about me, my concerns are pretty legitimate as I'm pretty sure it could have become a rape. You don't keep going when your dick slams so hard into your girlfriends cervix that she cries out in pain.
> 
> Edit: I should mention that he was very well endowed and most girls were unable to have gentle sex with him without pain. So if he went too hard, it seriously hurt and sometimes gave me a stomachache. I came to a point where I was used to the size, but sometimes he would go with too much vigor.


You are not making any sense. If he didn't rape you (he didn't) and you enjoyed it (you did).... everything else is moot.

if you had a safe word who said you wouldn't use it a minute in? and miss all the fun that came after?


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Bellsouth said:


> You are not making any sense. If he didn't rape you (he didn't) and you enjoyed it (you did).... everything else is moot.


Hurting someone - beyond the point of their limits - whether intentionally, or unintentionally is still hurting them. Even if it is unintentional, there's an element of coercion involved - because it comes down to one person's lack of ability to exercise restraint on themselves when they are in the dominant position. 

When a woman trusts her partner in a dom/sub role, then she's willingly handing over her emotional and physical care in his hands. At some point, pleasure even when mixed with pain becomes intolerable --- one has to look at the experience overall --- the act of sex may have been pleasurable at that point --- however, in such a situation, physical pleasure is secondary to the emotional turmoil
of betrayal of that sacred trust.

Dom/Sub play is a fine art --- and in my opinion something not be taken lightly - because the power dynamic is based on complete and utter trust.


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## Bellsouth (Aug 4, 2011)

She doesn't want to just play sub/dom she wants to BE RAPED. you get the difference?


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## janemerox (Aug 14, 2011)

wow. I would take either. I just want to find a way to enjoy it!


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## SilentScream (Mar 31, 2011)

Bellsouth said:


> She doesn't want to just play sub/dom she wants to BE RAPED. you get the difference?


*Rape* play is part of the sub/dom relationship dynamic and the same rules apply as standard BDSM --- 

Secondly, it's just humane to not hurt the ones you are having sex with. 

Are you saying that just because a woman wants her partner to fulfil her *rape fantasy* she gives up all her boundaries?


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## Tyche (May 12, 2011)

Bellsouth said:


> You are not making any sense. If he didn't rape you (he didn't) and you enjoyed it (you did).... everything else is moot.
> 
> if you had a safe word who said you wouldn't use it a minute in? and miss all the fun that came after?


I didn't want to be raped, I wanted to enjoy a rape fantasy. I did not want to reenact a rape scene, I wanted to be dominated to the point where I had no control. I guess that's what I got in a way, but in some regards it was too much. Emotions are fickle; I enjoyed it physically, but emotionally I felt like my true fantasy was ignored for something he wanted. We were having sex like normal, it's not like I knew already that he was going to do this. Neither did he. If he had 'attacked' me and forcibly removed my clothes and did the scene from the beginning, it would have been different because I would know from the get go what to expect. And safe words are necessary in case one party goes too far, especially if limits were not discussed beforehand. Submitting to a dominant doesn't forego my rights as a human being, I should always have the right to say no, stop and my partner should listen. It's worrisome when they don't, because it calls into question their intentions. Most people would be concerned their partner is in pain and it doesn't matter tha I enjoyed it anyway. Again, I don't think it would have mattered to him much if I had protested more. It was just good luck that I found it pleasurable.


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## RobynC (Jun 10, 2011)

I just say having sex for the most part


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Jawz said:


> I know I was wrong in my approach because I had to do the best I could with what I had. *But what I want to know is it related to love at all if a partner sacrifices their bedroom needs for the other person?* To what extent before it becomes unhealthy?


Sexual altruism? There is a point when it reciprocation is appreciated, I think it loses the altruistic qualities and turns to being used when the receiving partner repeatedly doesn't requite the pleasure.


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## BroNerd (Nov 27, 2010)

I think "making love" is a stupid term for having sex but, with that said, I think that from the definitions- I prefer "making love" over "fucking".
There is so much more to love than sex.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

As I don't have romantic emotional needs, I prefer fucking. Which is better for a couple is entirely up to the couple.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Want one. Need the other. The most logical choice would be to find common ground and kill two birds with one stone, although I would also be open to the idea of performing both separately on occasion. It's one reason "open-minded" is a must when searching for a partner, since I like to switch things up, as I hate falling into routine. 

Leaning toward straight f*cking since I've never experienced true love, though.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

I'll take both & simultaneously please.


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

I prefer the former but I think there's a difference between deliberately suppressing your emotions to absorb the physical aspect of sex and completely disregarding your partner's feelings/needs/desires because you never cared about them to begin with. 

Then again, I consider the former to be very emotional as well which is part of why I love it so much. I'm aware that seems like a contradiction. Everyone is different.

*And last, and more of a philosophical question ... to sustain a healthy relationship, which is better? * Neither is better. It's whatever works best for the couple.
* 
Would you yield to be just *fucked* just to please your partner [which imo is borderline rape if it is unwanted]? * Not if I didn't enjoy it.
*
Or would you hold on to your desire to be "made sweet compassionate love" to [which does not mean that it can't be rape either given the circumstances]?* I always hold onto my desires (unless they are harmful to others). They don't just fade.


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## lyricalnuisance (May 6, 2011)

A healthy balance is nice. For me, it usually starts as making love....then transforms into just pure, animal FUCKING


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

I do a nice blend of the two.


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## Heather White Karnas (Mar 23, 2011)

I prefer to make love as I can get a deeper more powerful orgasm this way and because the endorphin rush (for me) is more extreme afterwards.. it also makes me feel truly loved, and emotionally connected to my man. It only works if I truly love the person I am making love to though and he loves me back. 

On the other hand everyone needs a good super charged romp in the living room or car every now and then. I definitely love a nice hardcore banging with my man just because we couldn't wait or we are overcome with some sort of animal lust for each other at that minute... NICE!! Otherwise when it is more planned and expected (like when we go to bed at night it's kind of a given that that's probably going to happen) I prefer love making techniques with the slower and softer touching and deep/slow thrusting, more kissing and hugging type embraces.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

*Bonking* Nah lol.


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## Napoleptic (Oct 29, 2010)

Jawz said:


> Dom/Sub play is a fine art --- and in my opinion something not be taken lightly - because the power dynamic is based on complete and utter trust.


A friend of mine says that as the Dom she can/should act only within the limits the sub allows; the only power she has is what's granted to her. While she can wield the power, it's the sub who truly possesses and controls it. I often wonder if that mindset would prevent situations like @Rosslyn 's.

As for the OP...



fffffffffffffigs said:


> Just because you love someone doesn't mean you don't lust after them too. The mutual awareness of lust in a romantic relationship allows for a deeper connection I think. It's saying, "Yeah we love each other on a human level but we also wanna fuck each other like animals."


What she said.

I always thought a dichotomous "one or the other" approach was odd. I don't see them as being mutually exclusive.


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## Dental Floss Tycoon (Apr 4, 2011)

Once, I fucked a girl who I barely knew. It was completely weird and I was nervous all the way. It's like I was showing my personal diary, with very intimate secrets, to someone I was not sure if I could trust or not. 

One day I met another girl and something happened between us. At the end of the night, we were almost having sex on the street. I tried to see her again, but she apparently didn't want to. And I kept thinking of her for about three months.

So I guess more than a question of prefering one or another, I simply find it too hard to fuck without putting some emotional weight on it. I have to trust the other person. And this trust automatically comes with affection (not necessarily in that order). For me, it's almost like a journey to discover my own body, with it boundaries and possibilities, and my partner's -- this weird thing that came with me when I was born -- through a silent conversation.


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## Yardiff Bey (Jun 5, 2011)

Both have their appropriate times.

Sometimes there isn't time for long, soft, slow lovemaking - a quickie is what you both crave, and a quick fuck satisfies. Stuff like a quickie in the shower applies.

Sometimes you're just both hot'n'horny. At that point: nothing can beat the raw, raunchy, primal fucking that leaves the both of you with sore and exhausted muscles, aching joints, and deeply satisfied physically. Admittedly this one takes quite a lot of endurance and good wind, else the guy will end up puffed before you're both done - or you have to change positions a lot.

Sometimes it is long, soft, slow lovemaking that is most appropriate. Romantic moments, touching on a deep and sensual level. This has a sweet delight which a raunchy fuck simply cannot achieve. It's also more doable if one or both of you is physically exhausted.



Jawz said:


> And last, and more of a philosophical question ... to sustain a healthy relationship, which is better?


I feel that both are required, at appropriate times. Of course, people are different. Sexual mismatches can cause major relationship problems, contributing to the wreck of a marriage. Sadly, this seems to have happened to you.

*Goes and reads other responses.*

Edit: @Jawz - after reading some of the responses, it seems that many girls have a desire to be "dominated" by their man. I checked out some romance novels not long ago, two of 'em had rape scenes in them. Appears that this is a fantasy that some women have. (No, I am not saying that they want to go "all the way" - safe words and stuff, if the partners trust each other and wish to explore that aspect of a relationship.)

Forceful dominance, safety, perhaps BDSM is the way to go for some girls. Thank you all for giving me some new knowledge.


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## fffffffffffffigs (Jun 23, 2011)

Jawz said:


> *Rape* play is part of the sub/dom relationship dynamic and the same rules apply as standard BDSM ---
> 
> Secondly, it's just humane to not hurt the ones you are having sex with.


I understand where you're coming from completely. I totally get the whole BDSM "subculture." Buuuuttt the thing is, my sexual interests are not part of any culture. They are something I was born with.

I hate when I'm telling someone about the things that turn me on and they immediately assume I'm into playing some sort of "game," with rules and safe words and things like that. That's not how I approach sex. The terms dominant and submissive sound so ugh, _trite_. They evoke so many images of that cultured kind of "play." And that's the thing -- sex is not a game for me. In the same way I don't differentiate between "fucking" and "making love," I don't separate sex from everything else in my life. All the personal dynamics that take place during sex take place everywhere else in the relationship.

You make a point about humanity. If wanting to hurt your partner during sex is inhumane then wanting to _be_ hurt by your partner is just the same. One is not inherently worse than the other. Naturally there is a problem when people misunderstand each other, but (as they apply to sexuality) blanket statements like, "Causing unwanted pain is wrong," are... wrong. I know that the most extreme forms of that kind of dynamic, of domination and servitude, aren't something readily appreciated. But it's incorrect to say they are bad or without merit.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Eerie said:


> It would be impossible to separate my emotions from the sexual experiences I have with my SO. So whether it's brutal and rough, or tender and romantic it's always "making love." If that makes any sense at all. I don't think I could ever enjoy sex that was completely meaningless. I just don't see the appeal.


I have to agree with you here @Eerie,it depends on what mood I am in as to whether I want to be fucked or made love to.But no matter how my partner approaches it ,I still feel the emotion regardless.And there are still some tender sweet moments in amongst the rough stuff.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Jawz said:


> And last, and more of a philosophical question ... to sustain a healthy relationship, which is better?
> 
> Would you yield to be just *fucked* just to please your partner [which imo is borderline rape if it is unwanted]?
> 
> Or would you hold on to your desire to be "made sweet compassionate love" to [which does not mean that it can't be rape either given the circumstances]?


To sustain a relationship? Probably the latter in that if you want to be fucked, anyone can engage you in raw animal sex... not necessarily your partner. The latter is more relationship-oriented.

But I see value in both. Sometimes I want to fuck, sometimes I want to make love. It depends on the circumstance and what the mutual needs are at the time. Both can be really good, honestly. 

What's really fun is when you can change it up in the middle, effortlessly, because you're so in tune with each other.



Yardiff Bey said:


> Edit: Jawz - after reading some of the responses, it seems that many girls have a desire to be "dominated" by their man. I checked out some romance novels not long ago, two of 'em had rape scenes in them. Appears that this is a fantasy that some women have. (No, I am not saying that they want to go "all the way" - safe words and stuff, if the partners trust each other and wish to explore that aspect of a relationship.)


Yes. I'm not into "rape" or even much BDSM, honestly, but sometimes I really like rough sex where I'm the "submissive/receptive" partner per se. It depends, again, on my mood and needs. For some reason I can enjoy that. It partly ties into my personality, which is strongly resilient but doesn't necessarily like to intiate; I show my strength by responding to things that are occurring.

The "pseudo-rape" fantasy does show up a decent amount in female literature. I generally consider it a vestigal behavior from our more primal side.... you see the same kind of behavior with various species of animals. It's not really a cogent thing to be explained or understood, it's more primal in nature.


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## MiriMiriAru (May 1, 2011)

Fucking. "Making love" sounds naff, and brings to mind something candle-lit and drenched in shitty sax-muzak. I like an element of animal brutality (from either/both participant(s)), it's so wholly different from my normal lost-in-my-mind state. "Making love" just doesn't have that (the phrase makes me think of something extremely tender, and soft), and so doesn't really do it for me.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

I prefer fucking making love.

See what I did thar?


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## yallredyno (Dec 22, 2010)

Aßbiscuits said:


> I prefer fucking making love.
> 
> See what I did thar?


hahaha i was going to type a paragraph saying just that.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

yallredyno said:


> hahaha i was going to type a paragraph saying just that.


:3

Everyone's talking about making love (ie. passionate, sensual sex with someone you love) as if it's boring and slow. Making love is much more versatile. When you know the person well knowing their sexy side as well as their passionate side is fantastic, but you don't need to switch between "fucking" and making love, making love can be as "raunchy" as you'd like it to be. To me fucking is what you do with stranger, when it's slightly awkward because they obviously watch too much porn and think sex is about screaming vulgar things, general dirty talk and changing positions every five seconds.


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## yallredyno (Dec 22, 2010)

Aßbiscuits said:


> :3
> 
> Everyone's talking about making love (ie. passionate, sensual sex with someone you love) as if it's boring and slow. Making love is much more versatile. When you know the person well knowing their sexy side as well as their passionate side is fantastic, but you don't need to switch between "fucking" and making love, making love can be as "raunchy" as you'd like it to be. To me fucking is what you do with stranger, when it's slightly awkward because they obviously watch too much porn and think sex is about screaming vulgar things, general dirty talk and changing positions every five seconds.


yes, i was going to say that i equally favor both dirty/rough FUCKING and slow passionate sensual LOVE with the person I love. I especially like it when both occurs in the same session. YES!~


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## MiriMiriAru (May 1, 2011)

Aßbiscuits said:


> :3
> 
> Everyone's talking about making love (ie. passionate, sensual sex with someone you love) as if it's boring and slow. Making love is much more versatile. When you know the person well knowing their sexy side as well as their passionate side is fantastic, but you don't need to switch between "fucking" and making love, making love can be as "raunchy" as you'd like it to be. To me fucking is what you do with stranger, when it's slightly awkward because they obviously watch too much porn and think sex is about screaming vulgar things, general dirty talk and changing positions every five seconds.


It's quite a vague question (fucking, or making love?) because the answer is totally dependent on ones personal definition of the terms.

In your definition, the distinction is the relationship between the participants, whereas in mine it's the style of act itself regardless of the relationship. Differing definitions results in us all answering different questions.


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

The OP provided definitions. I just went with those.


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## MiriMiriAru (May 1, 2011)

Vivid Melody said:


> The OP provided definitions. I just went with those.


The person I was responding to apparently had (somewhat) different definitions in mind.


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## Vivid Melody (Apr 25, 2011)

Zombie Jesus said:


> The person I was responding to apparently had (somewhat) different definitions in mind.


I know. Just offering support


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## Ubuntu (Jun 17, 2011)

SilentScream said:


> Here's my difference:
> 
> Fucking = Emotionally distant and designed to satisfy carnal bodily pleasures, coming close due to satisfaction of lust.
> 
> ...


I think that sex is sex and the distinction I would make would be between having sex with someone you care about and having sex with someone you don't. What about slow, gentle sex makes it more "loving" and why is rough, fast, 'freaky' sex less so? There's a psychological component to sex but I don't think that it's an expression of affection, I think it's goal oriented. Sexual desire can be satisfied, it comes and goes.

My mind can be changed, though.


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## Elsewhere1 (Mar 22, 2011)

Depends on my mood........... Here recently, fucking is the norm;P


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## MiriMiriAru (May 1, 2011)

I don't think I have ever really had the desire to "make love" (I'll define it as "sex for emotional closeness as much as or more than physical gratification") as opposed to fucking, even when I've been in love. Sex and love just don't intersect in any meaningful way for me. I guess I would prefer to have sex with I someone I'm close to, like a good friend (or someone I'm in a relationship with, obviously), but that may be more a product of my insecurities than any need for closeness as a prerequisite for sex.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

> What do you prefer? *fucking* or *making love* ?


Both to be honest. Variety in sex is something I enjoy. Sometimes it's all about sharing love, sometimes it's all about mad sex positions.

I will say this, though, I want my partner to be having a good time. It's half the fun in sex for me. So I tend to work at it until she's enjoying herself even if that means doing things that are less pleasing for me.

Sometimes I'm only in the mood to please my partner and just have fun doing that all sorts of ways.


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## Peacock (Mar 11, 2011)

Both, but i prefer fucking. I get to cuddle and be sweet with my SO the rest of the time we're together.


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## Himu (Apr 16, 2010)

According to your definitions, I would answer that there is a time and mood for slow, serene, smooth lovemaking (you MUST take responsibility for setting it up throughout the day...event by event...so the culmination is something magical...that way you get that emotional connectedness and drift off into each other. 

But there are other times when the sexual build up calls for a more feisty, fleshy affair ( During these times, you should cater to the lady. If service calls for rough tussle, you give'em till the bed breaks. Emotions be damned). 

Why? Because its not her fault she wants aggressive play. Its just part of the wiring. The more you fight it, the harder it becomes for BOTH partners to get that deep satisfaction from sex.


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