# Is a quiet, reserved sx/so possible?



## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

I know there is a lot of agreement in this forum that typing based on behaviour is shallow and inaccurate. Yet, it is so rare to hear about introverted sx/so's, and there seems to persist the idea of sx/so's being "rockstars"... So, I'm legit interested, do you think that sx/so inevitably leads to the "larger-than-life", outgoing persona? Or is it simply the focus of the individual - obsessive about sx, casually interested in so?

Part of the reason I ask is my own confusion about my stacking, but I also am very curious if you feel that the instincts are deterministic when it comes to behaviour.


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## MissyMaroon (Feb 24, 2010)

I don't think Sx/So is necessarily larger-than-life, but a a lot tend to be. Anyways, ignore those. There are Sx/So's who aren't so charismatic or charming. Hell, I'm Sp/Sx and I'm known for my love and thrill for life. Sx/So simply means you're intense and focus a great deal of energy toward your objects of passion and you have a good awareness of social connections, alignments, information, relevant general knowledge, and your self-preservation focus is poor. I've learned that the skills associated with self-preservation can be maintained and good, but it doesn't necessarily translate to focus. One doesn't *worry* as much about financial security, health, physical comfort, and stability. It just simply isn't one of their natural priorities or things floating around in their head most of the time. So, consider your weakest instinct.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

to be honest, I don't think so (sorry, I've never met on that wasn't really out there with it and at least a little bit crazy)


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## rajAs (Sep 14, 2012)

Heavy said:


> *9w8 sx/so*
> 
> This typewingstack is sometimes diva-esque. May often escape problems by creating a fairyland of beauty and dreams, reflecting how wonderful their life "really" is. Feels the 9's sense of anonymity clashing with the sx-instincts confidence and desire to escape it. Positive self-view, sometimes boldly confident, self-reliant, and won't judge thesmelves by the standards of society. The idea of a soul mate is somebody who can understand them without any words. May develop themselves as a sex symbol, can often come to symbolize whatever qualities they wish to brand themselves with...devoted to charity causes. unlike so/sx, this stacking not only has the ability to make friends with anybody they come in contact with but to entrance people.
> 
> ...


Have you already read this? Do you relate?

I think a sx/so 9 could be a quiet person but with an inner, often silent thrill-seeker attitude, often blocked by the fear of having not enough energies to deal with such thrills.


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## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

@_MissyMaroon_ Thank you, yeah, that was kind of my thought process. In terms of focus, self-preservation seems to be the weakest for me... or at least not as significant as my social instinct. It is hard to tell, as both seem pretty weak in that I can forget them for long periods of time. But, I think in terms of focus, sx followed by so would make sense for me. The difference in my behavior from other people I consider sx/so's is quite large though. But, perhaps you are right in suggesting that that is not important.



Swordsman of Mana said:


> to be honest, I don't think so (sorry, I've never met on that wasn't really out there with it and at least a little bit crazy)


There's no need to be sorry, I wouldn't say I have my heart set on sx/so... It's more that I'm trying to wrap my head around what an sx/so of someone of a similar typing as me might be like. That is, if it would even make sense for a 9 Infp...



rajAs said:


> Have you already read this? Do you relate?
> 
> I think a sx/so 9 could be a quiet person but with an inner, often silent thrill-seeker attitude, often blocked by the fear of having not enough energies to deal with such thrills.


Yeah, actually that description was why I first ever considered sx/so.  That being said, I can relate to the sx/sp one a decent amount as well... 

Your speculation is actually dead-on for how I am as a person though! For instance, I often empathize heavily with sx/so's of other types heavily, in the sense that I can understand and relate to their mindset. But, I know that, being who I am I would be very unlikely to act on such inclinations. To some degree though, I wonder if that could be explained as my sp instinct holding me back?

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Maybe this will help... the fellow in the following video is somebody I can really relate to. Stackemup has this guy, Gabriel Byrne, listed as 9w8 sx/so. Coincidentally, I also think he is a 9-5-3 tri-type, the same as mine... or if not, 9-5-4. Pretty close either way. I am tempted to say that I am whatever stacking he is, although I'm unsure if I'm projecting. Would you guys agree with typing this fellow as a sx/so? He is quite a reserved guy, so he definitely doesn't fit the stereotype...


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## Daeva (Apr 18, 2011)

Oh, they exist..


When people complement my personality, they'll either go for the "you're so nice 'n laid back, chill and accepting,..." (9)
- or they'll go for the "gosh you're intense, there's never a dull moment with you". (Sx 1st)

I'm good at working a whole group, though it's more like an afterthought for me and I only do it when I'm in the mood for it (So 2nd), I'm usually more reactive rather than active in groups. (Introvert or 9? Or both?)

Then my sp-ness, well, what's there to say?  Unless in extreme cases, I never care about either my comfort, health, finances, the temperature, or any of that. I usually have to be reminded about these things by someone else, I just never think of em.


And I've been called larger than life before, which doesn't say anything about someone being quiet or loud. It's more about attitude and energy I'd guess.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

I expect it would make for an intense introvert :kitteh:


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

I expect it to inform where you seek your sx focus and interests and how they manifest in that sx is sought out in the social realm rather than the self-preservation one. For example, the way sx/sp can appear is eating dinner together. Why? It fulfills an sp need to gather around food, but the real point is to intimately connect and it is done over food. An sx/sp type can for example take great pleasure in cooking for someone else, because the food (sp) serves to connect with others (sx). 

When I understood how the second instinct feeds the first, I also realized why I am not sp/sx. When I eat it is not for the sake of food, but I eat because it is a way for me to be with other people. The food is relatively uninteresting as a whole. It serves a purpose and that is to fulfill sx. Now compare a general dinner situation but without there being a special person to connect with. I will just eat and leave and find it rather boring and meaningless.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

My ex was an INFJ 1w9-6w5-4w5 sx/so. He was exceedingly passionate and intense as an individual, but he was also reserved and detached. He was extremely charismatic (in a more dark, intriguing way as opposed to the kind of "Schmooze" that pops up in people's minds the second they hear that word) and could wield influence in spades when he chose, but that doesn't require 'extroversion'. Overall, he was quiet, detached, philosophical and intellectually gifted, even somewhat cloistered. He felt very alien. Oftentimes, he preferred his own company or my company to damn near everyone else's.


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## meridannight (Nov 23, 2012)

Father of Dragons said:


> Maybe this will help... the fellow in the following video is somebody I can really relate to. Stackemup has this guy, Gabriel Byrne, listed as 9w8 sx/so. Coincidentally, I also think he is a 9-5-3 tri-type, the same as mine... or if not, 9-5-4. Pretty close either way. I am tempted to say that I am whatever stacking he is, although I'm unsure if I'm projecting. Would you guys agree with typing this fellow as a sx/so? He is quite a reserved guy, so he definitely doesn't fit the stereotype...



that guy is fucking hot! damn, i have an addiction to 9s or something.....


to answer the original question, i don't really know about the sx/so. i think a quieter, more reserved version is possible with any stacking/type. but i think the sx/so version of ''reserved'' would probably be less reserved than an sx/sp version, for example. and no, i don't look at the behavior when typing. it's already been established that any type can act like any other, it depends a lot on the circumstances.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Cosmic Orgasm said:


> My ex was an INFJ 1w9-6w5-4w5 sx/so. He was exceedingly passionate and intense as an individual, but he was also reserved and detached. He was extremely charismatic (in a more dark, intriguing way as opposed to the kind of "Schmooze" that pops up in people's minds the second they hear that word) and could wield influence in spades when he chose, but that doesn't require 'extroversion'. Overall, he was quiet, detached, philosophical and intellectually gifted, even somewhat cloistered. He felt very alien. Oftentimes, he preferred his own company or my company to damn near everyone else's.


Sounds like my kind of guy (or rather, he sounds almost exactly like me). Why'd you break up?


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Ice Ghost said:


> Sounds like my kind of guy (or rather, he sounds almost exactly like me). *Why'd you break up?*


LOL! You do realize that it's a very private question right? 

PM me.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

Yeah we exist. I'm a very intense person, but I'm quite introverted although I can be socially charming when I need to be. It's more of a reserved kind of cool. Being the most interesting by being the least outspoken if that makes any sense.


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## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

Man, there are some great responses here... 



ephemereality said:


> I expect it to inform where you seek your sx focus and interests and how they manifest in that sx is sought out in the social realm rather than the self-preservation one. For example, the way sx/sp can appear is eating dinner together. Why? It fulfills an sp need to gather around food, but the real point is to intimately connect and it is done over food. An sx/sp type can for example take great pleasure in cooking for someone else, because the food (sp) serves to connect with others (sx).
> 
> When I understood how the second instinct feeds the first, I also realized why I am not sp/sx. When I eat it is not for the sake of food, but I eat because it is a way for me to be with other people. The food is relatively uninteresting as a whole. It serves a purpose and that is to fulfill sx. Now compare a general dinner situation but without there being a special person to connect with. I will just eat and leave and find it rather boring and meaningless.


Thanks, it's very insightful to hear your understanding of how the dominant and secondary interact. Using the example of food, I'm finding I can't personally relate to your description of sx/sp. I find that eating can be an annoyance when it comes to making connections, in a sense. Everyone gets quiet, as it's hard to talk with food in your mouth and it bothers me that I have to compete with their meal for their attention. I don't know, somehow it feels as if I'm talking with someone who is writing a massive text on their phone - when I talk to someone or a group I prefer undivided attention I guess. The bodies need for nutrition then seems something unwanted, in this sense.

Considering the idea of the secondary instinct as a means to an end, I find that I tend to use the ideas of inclusion and community more as means to building connections. For instance, I've found myself on several occasions playing the part of the "welcome wagon" for people I've been drawn to - asking how they feel about being there, suggesting that them arriving has made the social group better somehow. To some degree it is that I like to offer up myself as a conduit for them, as I enjoy helping them to feel welcome and included. An upside of this is that I am someone they somewhat rely on, and it is an awesome way for us to connect naturally.

It might also be significant that, even if I am extremely infatuated with someone, I have this desire to watch their back socially... If they are uncomfortable say in a small gathering, my drive will to be to bond with them by bringing them into the fold as opposed to keeping them all to myself... which might be something that is detrimental to their social position. (No matter how tempting it can be... )

I don't know though, I'm actually getting the sense that I may be a sx/so stacking. The truth is, an INFP sx/so seems likely to be one the types most unlike the stereotypical sx/so. When you combine the sensitivity and inertia of our Fi with our often severe lack of social agility, sx/so for us must look indeed drastically different than say an ESxP type. Much more deliberate and tamped down, perhaps...


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## StaceofBass (Jul 1, 2012)

mushr00m said:


> I expect it would make for an intense introvert :kitteh:


Very...



MissyMaroon said:


> I don't think Sx/So is necessarily larger-than-life, but a a lot tend to be. Anyways, ignore those. *There are Sx/So's who aren't so charismatic or charming.* Hell, I'm Sp/Sx and I'm known for my love and thrill for life. *Sx/So simply means you're intense and focus a great deal of energy toward your objects of passion and you have a good awareness of social connections, alignments, information, relevant general knowledge, and your self-preservation focus is poor. I've learned that the skills associated with self-preservation can be maintained and good, but it doesn't necessarily translate to focus. One doesn't *worry* as much about financial security, health, physical comfort, and stability. It just simply isn't one of their natural priorities or things floating around in their head most of the time. So, consider your weakest instinct.*












Thank you!!! <333333




Swordsman of Mana said:


> to be honest, I don't think so (sorry, I've never met on that wasn't really out there with it and at least a little bit crazy)


Generalizing us all as "out there" and "crazy".  Just based on your experiences? Please learn to accept that we don't all fit inside that box, 'kay?
@_Father of Dragons_ Yes we exist. I'm an INFP like yourself with a 9w1 4w3 6w7 sx/so enneagram. That makes me introverted _and_ double withdrawn with the sx/so stacking. I never could relate to the "rockstar" or charismatic stereotypes of the stacking. Honestly, I think MissyMaroon said it best. I am probably the least self-pres individual you will ever meet. Also, I recommend reading this:



> Social 9
> 
> "A jolly good fellow", light hearted, merry people.
> 
> ...


It's by Naranjo and how the instincts will affect type 9 in particular. ^_^ It helped me especially when I was questioning my own instinctual stacking.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

I'm Sx/So and I can be pretty damn quiet if I'm not around people I can't connect with. I sort of just sit on the side, and mind my own business. Oh, I'll daydream and be all Sx, just.. inside my head. I don't fit the Sx/So stereotype of crazy, reckless, can't-control-themselves sorts of people.

I wouldn't even describe myself as charismatic, as much as I'm simply expressive. I've been described as vibrant and lively, even theatrical at times by people I'm close to, but it's more of an excitable, ENFP-ish sort of energy than a sex goddess type of pull. :laughing: To be honest, most Sx/So descriptions seem geared towards id types, and I understand why. I mean, Sx is after all very id-like. The intense focus on what you desire, on energy and chemistry between people and getting most of the 'juice' out of a person/situation, living for that rush. 

I made a thread about this a while back, I hope it resonates with you OP.


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## ToplessOrange (Jun 3, 2013)

Father of Dragons said:


> I know there is a lot of agreement in this forum that typing based on behaviour is shallow and inaccurate. Yet, it is so rare to hear about introverted sx/so's, and there seems to persist the idea of sx/so's being "rockstars"... So, I'm legit interested, do you think that sx/so inevitably leads to the "larger-than-life", outgoing persona? Or is it simply the focus of the individual - obsessive about sx, casually interested in so?
> 
> Part of the reason I ask is my own confusion about my stacking, but I also am very curious if you feel that the instincts are deterministic when it comes to behaviour.


I don't have any empirical evidence correlating sx/xo with any type of behavior, but I'll give you an anecdotal bit. The sx/so description fits me incredibly well, often eerily, but I am, or rather my self-image is, a reserved person. I have a very small circle of friends. In fact, I'll give you the number. 9. It takes me about a month to grow fond of the idea of someone and about half a year to actually like someone and consider them a friend, despite sx/so descriptions sometimes saying that we make friends quickly and passionately.

Of the 9, there's one person in particular that I overflow with excitement when I see, even if it is rather frequent. I don't always express it because I'm afraid it's overwhelming, but it's always there. Some consider me weirdly charming and some consider me awkward as fuck, some consider me too mainstream and normal while some consider me extremely offbeat and peculiar. It's difficult to make a self-image of myself based on what others say, because there appears to be no correlation or consistency, so all of this is based on an internal ascertaining which may be drastically inaccurate, so BEWARE OF ANECDOTES.

As for "larger-than-life," some consider me EXTREMELY energetic, "bouncing off the walls," some consider me really distant and detached from my body.

So, that's me.

Oh, also, I'm very involved with Theatre. Acting and Directing. So perhaps my stage persona interferes with my image. That's annoying. Never really noticed the possibility until writing this post. I'll look more into it and report back.


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## CindyLou (Jun 21, 2013)

I'm sx/so. I didn't know about this stereotype but I would consider myself an intense introvert. I'm not larger than life though.


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## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

TheOminousMuffin said:


> Oh, also, I'm very involved with Theatre. Acting and Directing. So perhaps my stage persona interferes with my image. That's annoying. Never really noticed the possibility until writing this post. I'll look more into it and report back.


Thanks, that was a very helpful post. A surprising thing was, you almost sound more reserved than me!  I am definitely leaning towards sx/so for myself at the moment.

Your mention of your stage persona actually got me thinking of Freddie Mercury, though. I know it's not the best idea to read too much into celebrities and their behavior, but he strikes me as an interesting manifestation of sx/so. 

He is well known to have been extremely shy in a very ENFP type of way... Sure, he would ham it up, but he would only share his true self with supposedly only his one long-time friend. Yet, he was overwhelmingly sx/so in his orientation... sx first, with a large interest in the social realm and in enjoying the hell out of it. I don't know, he seems like quite an interesting "case study" in this sense.


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## ToplessOrange (Jun 3, 2013)

Father of Dragons said:


> Thanks, that was a very helpful post. A surprising thing was, you almost sound more reserved than me!  I am definitely leaning towards sx/so for myself at the moment.
> 
> Your mention of your stage persona actually got me thinking of Freddie Mercury, though. I know it's not the best idea to read too much into celebrities and their behavior, but he strikes me as an interesting manifestation of sx/so.
> 
> He is well known to have been extremely shy in a very ENFP type of way... Sure, he would ham it up, but he would only share his true self with supposedly only his one long-time friend. Yet, he was overwhelmingly sx/so in his orientation... sx first, with a large interest in the social realm and in enjoying the hell out of it. I don't know, he seems like quite an interesting "case study" in this sense.


After a bit of reflecting, I've noticed that I've sorta been typecasted in my community. I'm typically either the reserved scientist with a stolen formula that he's trying to get back or the really energetic party-goer that whores all the attention.

Hm. I wonder if it's simply because I play those parts well or because they fit my personality (which really means I play those parts well).

What is up with these two completely antithetical personas? Am I really that inconsistent? Identity crisis incoming! I remember making a graph a while back that graphed how much I enjoyed being around a certain number of people and how much energetic I felt around a certain number of people, let me find it. I'm sure it'll help. I made it for that one friend I said I feel really excited around and it was because she noted that I seem to have multiple personalities around different numbers of people. I assumed the difference was marginal.

Maybe people are messing with me, I dunno. I still can't find the graph, so I'll summarize. The reference point starts at zero people. The default enjoyment and energy level. As more people are added, I slowly gain more energy for the environment, but my enjoyment level goes up drastically at one person and goes down very gradually as more people are added.

When I hang out with a large group of people, I feel extremely stimulated, but really shitty once it's all over. I feel like I didn't get as much attention out of it as I should, with everyone talking over each other in the group conversation. This doesn't apply to me being on stage doing stand-up or acting or anything like that since I typically get all the attention I want.

To summarize, I'm an introverted attention whore that's an sx/so. I'm learning quite a bit about myself while replying to this thread. Hm.


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## Father of Dragons (May 7, 2012)

That's good to hear you are getting something out of this. That's interesting, perhaps you are more complex than you first estimated yourself to be.



TheOminousMuffin said:


> Maybe people are messing with me, I dunno. I still can't find the graph, so I'll summarize. The reference point starts at zero people. The default enjoyment and energy level. As more people are added, I slowly gain more energy for the environment, but my enjoyment level goes up drastically at one person and goes down very gradually as more people are added.


For me, I think it would be a gray area between 1 and 10 people. Sometimes one-to-one can be amazing, but I find some people can be very boring and awkward alone, yet very lively in a group... Afterwards, the graph would dip down and probably be at zero or negative at house party numbers, then would rocket up again for big crowds. Although, only certain types of crowds, such as festivals, etc. 

I don't know, I like feeling a part of something, and being "lost in the crowd"... perhaps it has something to do with nine "merging". As well, I don't want to be that guy who quotes the Great Gatsby, but I agree with this: _"I like big parties. They're so intimate. At small parties there isn't any privacy."_



TheOminousMuffin said:


> To summarize, I'm an introverted attention whore...


I very much relate to this. I adore those select moments where you are allowed to receive unadulterated praise and affection. Ie, your birthday, when you nail a public presentation, etc. I've never tried theatre (although my family used to tell me I would be good at it), but I imagine I could really enjoy it. 

But, in everyday life I have trouble because I am shy and quite awkward compared to a lot of people. To some degree I can often resign myself to being the wallflower, to coming off as the "strong, silent type." The truth is, if I were better at it, I would probably enjoy being the center of attention, the "life of the party". Definitely not my skill set though. :frustrating:


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