# Is this INFJ interested at me as a potential partner or just a friend?



## egghunt (Oct 12, 2015)

Does this INFJ see me as a potential partner or just a friend? How should i further attract him? 

So funny story, me and this guy (the INFJ) met during church camp last year, we were really childish (or atleast i admit i was) last year. We had a short fling and things didnt end up well. He did that typical ghosting and door slamming thing which i didnt understood back then and thought it was really childish of him to do so .. cause as an ENFJ, i thought its better if he was honest on why his feelings disappeared. Although now that i've thought about it, i just realized i was really pushy and didnt get the hint when he stated he is not down for a Long distance relationship

Fast forward to this year, I flew over to where he is and we met again, i swear ive never met up with anyone who i has that much chemistry with me. It's like we think so alike and it feels like we're reading each others mind. Plenty of my friends also told me that he has never seen him act like that towards anyone else except for me - because usually he is very cold and mysterious but to me he is a whole different person . Sadly , i had to fly back to where im from it was really hard for me to leave him.. but now, we text each other almost all day , every day . He asks me things like what kind of person i am into and what are my turn on and turn offs. Is this a hint or am i over analyzing?



I really do like him and i really am planning to move to where he lives somewhere in the near future. but for now, im not too sure what to do.. I just dont want to mess up like how i did before
When i was there, i did say plenty of times that im planning to move there foreal.

and how would i know if he wants to stay just as friends or grow into something deeper?


Thanks Guys!!


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

I wouldn't read too deeply into his actions. INFJs have auxiliary Fe, so there is a high chance that his asking lots of questions tendency is from his Fe. 

I think if an INFJ is interested in someone, they will let the person know directly. If he doesn't let you know directly, then I guess he isn't interested. 

Eh I think I'll return to this thread again and write a longer response tomorrow. I need to wake up early for work tomorrow and I can't sleep too late LOL. 
I think I will help you bump up this thread and see if anyone else is able to help out with this question.


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## Apple Pine (Nov 27, 2014)

Oh, INFJs. Private until they meet someone perfect, and then have trouble leaving them, if needed. 

Asking questions is Fe thing. 

Just be honest, and see where it goes. I don't think giving up on it now would be wiser, because how exactly would it be then?


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## egghunt (Oct 12, 2015)

He really likes sharing things he likes too, the types of music and other things such as pics of animals that he likes.

Asking for advice or asking if we are thinking the same thing. 

if he is not interested, why does he ask such questions? why not other ones? because this question was thrown out randomly - we were talking about other things initially.


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## sereneone (Aug 1, 2013)

egghunt said:


> Does this INFJ see me as a potential partner or just a friend? How should i further attract him?
> 
> So funny story, me and this guy (the INFJ) met during church camp last year, we were really childish (or atleast i admit i was) last year. We had a short fling and things didnt end up well. He did that typical ghosting and door slamming thing which i didnt understood back then and thought it was really childish of him to do so .. cause as an ENFJ, i thought its better if he was honest on why his feelings disappeared. Although now that i've thought about it, i just realized i was really pushy and didnt get the hint when he stated he is not down for a Long distance relationship
> 
> ...


I would say there is serious chemistry here, and his questions are clearly intended to start feeling you out for a possible relationship. No guy asks an ex-dating partner for her turn ons and turn offs unless he is wondering about her potential as a dating partner.

As an INFJ, I would expect him to get wrapped up in a pretty cerebral process. He may not have decided he wants to date you, and you need to give him the room he needs to wrap his head around this and let him make his decision. But you can encourage interaction. How about suggesting that the two of you talk as friends on the phone once a week? Schedule it. Make it a regular thing. 

Encourage his questions. Answer those honestly. Don't push him for anything and see where his interest goes naturally. If you bottleneck somewhere I guess you can come back here and report.


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## MaggieMay (Dec 27, 2014)

Agree with @sereneone. Give him time.

Also, as an INFJ who has been through a successful 2 year long distance relationship- be sure that you guys have a great friendship as a backbone, those little things will become so important, especially when you are still getting to know each other well. Good conversation is a must- talk about things that matter the most to you both and ask questions. Be sure he is into it though, INFJs have a great need to "know" their partners like the back of their hand and it may not be an instant gain of trust, no matter how much chemistry there may be. 

Ask him if he'd like to be friends and see where it goes from there- naturally. 
My husband gave me time, all the time I needed, and I fell a lot harder than anticipated for him. Particularly because of his patience.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

egghunt said:


> Does this INFJ see me as a potential partner or just a friend? How should i further attract him?
> 
> So funny story, me and this guy (the INFJ) met during church camp last year, we were really childish (or atleast i admit i was) last year. We had a short fling and things didnt end up well. He did that typical ghosting and door slamming thing which i didnt understood back then and thought it was really childish of him to do so .. cause as an ENFJ, i thought its better if he was honest on why his feelings disappeared. Although now that i've thought about it, i just realized i was really pushy and didnt get the hint when he stated he is not down for a Long distance relationship
> 
> ...


try asking him


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## egghunt (Oct 12, 2015)

why does he seem to be more affectionate when we had our fling though? is he scared that we might end up hurt again like last time?

cause at the moment i feel like im treated just as a Platonic Friend


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## sereneone (Aug 1, 2013)

egghunt said:


> why does he seem to be more affectionate when we had our fling though? is he scared that we might end up hurt again like last time?


You were in a relationship. Of course he was going to go for it. 

He is the one who told you he did not want a long distance relationship. In effect he broke it off. So naturally there is conflict if he tries to start up with you again, based on your telling him you are moving to his area. Give him some space to decide if he wants to change his decision.



> cause at the moment i feel like im treated just as a Platonic Friend


That is new information not in your original post. Your original post contains important clues:
"He asks me things like what kind of person i am into and what are my turn on and turn offs. Is this a hint or am i over analyzing?"

There is NOTHING platonic in those types of questions. What kind of person you are into? Give me a break. It shouts he is interested in you. Turn on and turn off I already discussed. 

Give us the evidence that he is acting platonically.


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## egghunt (Oct 12, 2015)

oh no... it was just a fling..

we did said we liked each other but it didnt get to that relationship stage because he decided to stop it there

he said things like :

so when we were talking about how our state's are planning to do a teaser that has me and my friends in bikinis at the beach etc.. his reply was like damnnn hell yeah ill line up too !

When i mentioned that i would like to date a guy who i can also see as my bf he was like " well isnt that how its suppose to be?" then i said " yeah if you're lucky" he was like " hopefully" then i replied " i know one day they'll come " he said " one day "

he calls me dude.. ( although i know this is vague but he wasnt as casual last year)

when i mentioned about my insecurities which was flat chest, his response was just super casual.. " i dont think you're that flat. I mean not that ive seen it or anything.. umm oh wells, when you get preggs those things grow anyways" ( which i thought was quite rude although its true )


although when we were talking about the future:

i said something like : oh gosh i just want a future where i dont need fancy cars , just something that is true and clean is enough.

he then added : and the order goes ( what he plans in his future) no need fancy cars

then i replied : but then again hey hey ! you'll never know though if one day in the future im able to work hard and bring home a fancy car .

he was like : then problem solved ! 
sell the car and buy a bigger house !

we both then just laughed at it

we also talked about how we wanted to name our future pets together .. ( i know thats lame, but to him those things are important )


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## sereneone (Aug 1, 2013)

egghunt said:


> oh no... it was just a fling..
> 
> we did said we liked each other but it didnt get to that relationship stage because he decided to stop it there
> 
> ...


Without nit picking each comment, I think most of those conversations show he has interest in you. He hasn't decided he wants you as a girlfriend, but he is feeling around to see how well you communicate. And he is being playful. Give him time to interact more and decide what he wants. 

You guys have small communication issues, and around sensitive issues like the flat chest comment these communication issues popped up. His comment hurt you a little or struck you as rude. He didn't know you well enough to understand how to navigate that situation. You didn't have good enough communication with him that you could tell him that you found something was rude and why you found it rude. For all you know, maybe he couldn't have handled that level of honesty if you had told him. Those are all normal obstacles that couples overcome, and there is nothing fatal there. 

From a guy's perspective, conversations like that are dangerous with a woman you don't know well. She is sharing private and sensitive information about her own self confidence issues. He was trying to build you up by telling you he didn't think you had the issue you thought you had. But then he probably ran out of things to say and so he jumped over a line and said something maybe a bit silly. He didn't intend to be rude. He was more afraid of not saying anything at all, so instead he said something a little dumb. It happens.

I do NOT hear "platonic" in this conversation.


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## egghunt (Oct 12, 2015)

Thats great to hear !  
but yeah he didnt ask what was my type and turn on / offs last year during the fling. Maybe he's more cautious now? and i am too?

Any example of platonic friendship convo by an infj if he only sees us as a best buddy?

I guess all we need is time hey and see how we go  not to rush things like last time. Ended up crash and burn anyways.. hope to not repeat it again this time ahaha

Apologies for asking for details. Im an over thinker and these things makes me anxious ahaha


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## egghunt (Oct 12, 2015)

Mantas said:


> Oh, INFJs. Private until they meet someone perfect, and then have trouble leaving them, if needed.
> 
> Asking questions is Fe thing.
> 
> Just be honest, and see where it goes. I don't think giving up on it now would be wiser, because how exactly would it be then?


That's true..just worried my feelings might keep growing then end up indissapoitment. Although i am aware everything has risks


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

egghunt said:


> and how would i know if he wants to stay just as friends or grow into something deeper?


Quite a challenge... An INFJ's friendship alone is already deeper than pretty much everything you can imagine.


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## Enxu (Dec 14, 2012)

egghunt said:


> Thats great to hear !
> but yeah he didnt ask what was my type and turn on / offs last year during the fling. Maybe he's more cautious now? and i am too?
> 
> Any example of platonic friendship convo by an infj if he only sees us as a best buddy?
> ...


You sound just like me when I was in my teens. Lol :laughing:

Some solid advice already given by others, my only advice is for you to follow your heart and gut. You shouldn't just be focusing on whether he likes you, but rather his compatibility with you in your life values and goals. Your gut helps you to notice the unlikeable and potential dangerous part of his character, your heart can then decide based on everything you've known. Good luck


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

He is in that stage where he's not sure what he wants with you. Someday he will think black, the other white, and goes like his. Of course he is interested in you, there's no doubt. He is also so much into to you and that's the reason of why he is confuse. He is also being childish, that's a strong sign, believe me, it is. Be patient, he is making up his mind right now. If you put some pressure, a disaster will happen. 

Be more decisive, what you want and you will notice a change.


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