# Extinguish relations negative?



## XZ9 (Nov 16, 2013)

Why does socionics descriptions sounds so negative? From the 16 types website, it appears really negative.
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/90-Extinguishment-Relations


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## To_august (Oct 13, 2013)

> Often people of extinguishment types feel an attraction for one other. Attention is especially drawn to the physical qualities of the partner, *such as the beauty of their eyes.*


I choked on my sandwich at this part. What's there about eyes and what on earth it has to do with intertype relations?

On the subject: I know a couple of SLEs (I think my father can be one of them) and didn't notice anything particularly negative about this kind of relationship. They are just not really deep (I mean relationships) and are going more on a surface level without deeper understanding on both parts, but honestly it doesn't seem to bother eather of them. Misunderstandings are also happen quite rarely.


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## The_Wanderer (Jun 13, 2013)

My main experience with an IEI of the opposite gender was one where I had the sense that even though there was mutual attraction, but at the same time she had no trouble criticizing me at every turn. I quickly began to find her both weird, boring, and a little too clingy. I stopped paying attention to her quickly too, before anything came of it because I didn't feel comfortable.


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## Captain Mclain (Feb 22, 2014)

The_Wanderer said:


> My main experience with an IEI of the opposite gender was one where I had the sense that even though there was mutual attraction, *but at the same time she had no trouble criticizing me at every turn.* I quickly began to find her both weird, boring, and a little too clingy. I stopped paying attention to her quickly too, before anything came of it because I didn't feel comfortable.


Do you mind share some examples or develop that sentence?


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

Mechanically, Extinguishment is the shadow of your Dual. Both your Dual and your Extinguishment partners are half of your Semidual, half of your Mirage - just opposing halves. 

Your Dual is the part of Mirage that works, and the part of Semidual that works. Your Extinguishment is the part of Mirage that complicates the relationship, as well as the part of Semidual that complicates that relationship. That said, Extinguishment in my experience lives or dies on two things: subtype, and the context of the relationship. 


If it's opposite subtype, it tends to be a more irritating, confusing relationship where partners are drawn to each others' peculiarities but ultimately end up offending each other and nitpicking things completely out of context of the intent. If it's the same subtype, there's more intrigue, a desire to interact with your partner and learn more about them that can keep the relationship at a comfortable level for some time, until you get too close and start frustrating each other or feeling let down. 

The thing I notice with ILE is intrigue in the way they logically arrange their ideas. Typically I don't put much stock into their ideas themselves (despite seeing the ingenuity of them), but rather find ways to use them pragmatically for my own ideas. This works really well as friends when we share an opinion on something - i.e. on politics, workplace, etc - because we approach the same topic from opposite standpoints, while still agreeing on the same goal, because it gives a sort of magic touch that the POV is "covered" from many mental approaches. There's typically a lot of mutual respect for each others' competence as well, which is not the kind of respect I give freely to others but do tend to give more to ILE, probably out of fascination more than anything. It's a sense of "how'dja do that?" I agree!" It is not, however, a _personalized_ respect as much as it is for what the ILE is saying, reasoning, or doing which is again fine if the friendship is kept at that level. 

Like with Semiduals, I'm a bit adamant to touch on personal topics with ILE; things go better when it's research, or agreeing on something. I see Extinguishment go (VERY) wrong when you have to coordinate with a group, work to a fixed plan, or deal emotionally. This is when they start doing things that make no sense to you and/or seem really stupid.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Great_Thinker said:


> Why does socionics descriptions sounds so negative? From the 16 types website, it appears really negative.
> Socionics - the16types.info - Extinguishment Relations


Yes, they're considered negative relationships. I like some ENTP (A) while others (E) just rub me the wrong way and I can't help but argue with them all the time which accomplishes nothing. I think I actually decked one before for being so snake tongued. The "brilliant orator" probably didn't see that coming.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

In my experience, extinguishment relations have a really strong initial spark that may last for a while. My extinguishment partners have often expressed their interest towards me and we have had some engaging dicussions. However, attempting to get closer, to understand and fill in each other's intimate needs, things have gotten progressively worse and more awkward, to the point where either one or both of us start looking for someone else.

I know of an SLI and SLE extinguishment couples that has been together for 12 years with 2 children that is on brink of divorce, another SLI-SLE couple that has already gone through a very nasty divorce, and two IEI and IEE couples that has divorced after a short marriage (about 5-6 years together). 

When socionics says that isn't not all that great -- they really mean it.


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## embell (Nov 30, 2021)

I feel like extinguishment is the relationship you really want to work out because there's this unsettling chemistry within it, but even if there is so much chemistry, so many problems begin to occur. Solving problems is hell or trying to be realistic with them. For example an enfj and infp can have a great conversation over shared intrests but being pratical uh no.. You'll end up in a argument 3 minutes later about how the enfj is telling the infp to clean something in this specific way, and getting annoyed over the smallest of things. There's this push and pull about it.


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