# Am I the only person that DOESN'T like my opposite type romantically?!



## hellofornow (Sep 4, 2015)

I don't know why but I am definitely an ESTP and I would much rather date an ENTP, INTP, or ENTJ over an INFJ or INTJ. If its just a friend with benefits fling, I like them to be the same type or ESFP. But relationships wise I just don't like my opposite. I'm fine being friends with them and get along great but I just can't see an ESTP female like me emotionally connecting or coming to love anything about an INFJ. 

I'm a tomboy, I love sports, sex, and theme parks more than anything. And I just see INxJs as sticks in the mud who don't understand me, many judge me. I just get along better sexually and emotionally if they are some sort of TP. 

Is this just me? do you clash with your opposite?


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## BlueMajorelle (Oct 20, 2015)

You're not the only one. Most of my friends are TJs and we get along great, but we also don't spend all day, every day, together. I do better with INFP, ENFP, ESFP or even an XSFJ. Someone who understands feelings, anyway, and isn't going to shut down or run away at the first sign of emotion. Someone who isn't afraid to be whimsical once and awhile. T's can just be_ too _practical for my taste.

My opposite is ENTJ and I clash hard-core with most of them. They typically see me as frivolous and childish, and I typically see them as blowhards and bullies. I don't mind working under them and I can be professional around them because they usually do make great leaders, but that's as far as it extends.


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## Acadia (Mar 20, 2014)

One of my best friends is an ENTJ, but she and I are wildly different and it took years of effort for our friendship to really solidify. In fact, most of my friends are external judgers, leading with Fe or Te -- and the way they frequently address me feels as though I am under constant scrutiny

I do best with Se or Ne-doms; or at least someone that has Se high and well-developed in their stack. I have _ a lot_ of energy to spend; I play soccer, take dance class, run several times per week; I'm a cyclist, in the summers I surf, and in the winter I play hockey. If I'm going to have chemistry with another person, they're going to need to be able to keep up with me. As long as we can do at least _one_ thing together, then that's all I ask--whether it's as simple as playing guitar or as intense going on some sort of crazy adventure. It's enough.

All I know is that I need more ragtag dreamers and athletes in my life. Discipline wears on me.


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

I'm an INFJ, and I think ESTPs are as awesome as they think they are, but I prefer ESFPs because I can't afford to have a lover who's smarter than I am.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

In a perfect world where people didn't have all sorts of issues duality would make sense.
As it stands, real life makes us incompatible in all sorts of ways.
If there was only the cognitive imbalance any ENTJ would do for me.
In reality, I've had much more luck with other types in the romantic sphere.
That doesn't mean that I don't take ENTJs seriously when some female variant shows up in my life.
I at least test out the waters to see if there is potential.
Right now, I'm much more likely to end up with an FP GF I think, but you never know how things turn out.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

:laughing:

Yes, I'm afraid so. You are the only one on the planet that feels this way, yes. Just you. I am sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this instead of a professional.


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## Acadia (Mar 20, 2014)

@Tetsuo Shima please tell me you're kidding. intelligence isn't limited by perception/cognition.


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

Acadia said:


> @Tetsuo Shima please tell me you're kidding. intelligence isn't limited by perception/cognition.


Well, it's just that thinking types are generally smarter than feeling types. However, since introverted, intuitive, and judging types also tend to be smarter than extroverted, sensing, and perceiving types, an INFJ would probably be on par with an ESTP but in a completely different way as the INFJ lacks the clever cunning of a xxTP but the ESTP lacks the profound wisdom of an INxx.

As someone who has already been banned twice for saying INTJs are the smartest and therefore ESFPs are the least smart, let me try to put this into words better: I do not hate ESFPs. They are very nice people. It's just that INTJs are the most left-brained and ESFPs are the most right-brained, so INTJs are the most intellectual while ESFPs are the most outgoing/creative. If anything, ESFPs are more successful in the world because their talents are more balanced.


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## lithium394 (Sep 6, 2015)

I'm an INFP, and while it would be very rare for me to develop a romantic attraction to an ESTJ, I do have a lot of close friendships with them, and they sort of serve as the voice of reason and the less developed part of myself. I don't think I'd be able to handle them romantically, though haha.


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## Saturnian Devil (Jan 29, 2013)

I have a lot of NF friends, but I don't find them romantically attractive in any way. Great as close friends, yes, but otherwise... Nope.

It's why I stick to fellow thinkers.


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## Acadia (Mar 20, 2014)

Tetsuo Shima said:


> Well, it's just that thinking types are generally smarter than feeling types. However, since introverted, intuitive, and judging types also tend to be smarter than extroverted, sensing, and perceiving types, an INFJ would probably be on par with an ESTP but in a completely different way as the INFJ lacks the clever cunning of a xxTP but the ESTP lacks the profound wisdom of an INxx.
> 
> As someone who has already been banned twice for saying INTJs are the smartest and therefore ESFPs are the least smart, let me try to put this into words better: I do not hate ESFPs. They are very nice people. It's just that INTJs are the most left-brained and ESFPs are the most right-brained, so INTJs are the most intellectual while ESFPs are the most outgoing/creative. If anything, ESFPs are more successful in the world because their talents are more balanced.


Talk about rampant generalizations. I disagree. Leading with Ni and Te might make somebody extremely assertive; vision-oriented and efficient, but that doesn't automatically make them more intelligent than someone that leads with Se and Fi. And being Ne or Ni dom or aux does not imbue you with some sort of inherent wisdom.

As an ISFP I might lead with Fi, but that's not stopping me from pursuing a PhD in wildlife biology and working at a veterinary clinic. It didn't stop me from completing three degrees during undergrad. My ISFJ cousin is better than me at math and is pursuing engineering. My mother is an INFP and has 3 degrees. Feelers can be wickedly intelligent. 

And while I prefer to be straightforward and blunt I can be wry and cunning if I need to be; I even mistyped as an ISTP for quite a long time but then I realized that cognition is merely how we perceive the world and does not reflect what we choose to do with that information. 

So no, ESFPs are not necessarily more successful--or nicer, for that matter--and INTJs are not necessarily more intellectual.


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## TheVerb (Mar 4, 2015)

All of my friends are a random mix of types. Best friend is an ESFJ, two of my other close friends are INTJ, and one is ESFP I believe. I am personable enough to get along with all of them no problem. On a romantic basis, I might want to stick with NT's.


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## mangodelic psycho (Jan 12, 2015)

I can't imagine an ISFJ being able to handle me on a romantic level. At least a type 1 isfj. :tongue:
It'd be a lot of effort, that's for sure. Some of my best friends are isfjs though.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Eh I dont think I have a specific type as far as mbti that I am inclined to. The suggested types for ESTP is ISFJ ISTJ I have zero experience even dealing with males of these types (I cannot even think of a male of either type I have known of those types. So nothing to compare to. I know I did not do well with ESFP & ENFP (thats what my daughters dads are)-I suspect its the higher Fi but I am not sure. Tho I do fine with ENFP friends. Its seems to not work well in a relationship. Um I am not sure what my type is tho. I think its pretty unanimous I am ESTP rather then ISTP. But I truly am very ambiverted and so I would think I would probably do well with someone more ambiverted themselves. As it seems to exhaust me to constantly lead or be the more quiet one I dont care to be either I dont want to be quiet or have to lead. 

My daughter more recent has gotten into trying to match make me (  ) based on who she thinks I would be good with. I noticed the people she has suggested one was ISTP, another an ENTJ. From her perspective and words not mine I need to find a guy who I dont intimidate. She likes to laugh that the last boyfriend I had over a year ago now stuttered when he spoke to me because he was so pussy whipped (I did not pussy whip him btw this was just his demenor vs mine). I do kinda think my daughter is onto something not many males do really dominate me in presence in terms of relationship roles. I would guess STPs, NTJs, & STJs are likely the ones that would be able to hold their own next to me. (I have no clue I have never long ranged dated any of them). 

I think I am open to most types tho. Its easier for me to list the types I think I would clash with then just one or two I would date. I think I would romantically clash with xNFPs and maybe xNTPs (depends I think they are cool too but I am not sure I see that being compatible).


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## lc1241 (Jan 11, 2016)

Let's just say 2 of my exes are INTP...they are exes for a reason ><
You aren't the only one since, for me at least, ESFJ and INTP do not do relationship well.


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