# The Art of BSing a College Paper



## Selene (Aug 2, 2009)

wonderfert said:


> The key is confidence. Over inflated, potentially psychotic confidence. If you can act very confident, and entirely convinced of all the BS that you spew onto a paper, you may be able to pull it off.





Angelic Gardevoir said:


> Well, that would explain a lot. I have almost zero confidence.





wonderfert said:


> So, would you say that you're confident in your lack of confidence? Because you can twist that into usable paper writing crazy.


:crazy:Too awesome.

_-Used car salesman: So, you got any kids? This is a great car for your whole family.
-Customer: I hate kids.
-Used car salesman: Me too! Lousy, stinkin' brats. [laughs disingenuously and pats customer on the shoulder] A stylish model like this isn't meant for small children._


But yeah, I think wonderfert might be onto something. I find that many times, there isn't a single clear cut answer, and I don't really trust what I'm writing. So, I often spend a lot of time/space talking about the limitations of what I've written, or possible alternative explanations. Uncertainty can be a starting point for a lot of babbling. But...I actually tend to write real papers that I believe in, so my opinion might not be valid. :happy:


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## zwanglos (Jan 13, 2010)

Most of my A-grade literature papers unfortunately contained very little of my own original thoughts.

Of any paper's length:
20-30% ~ quoting original source material
15-20% ~ explaining the source material I just quoted
20-30% ~ quoting someone else (or many someone elses) who has (have) already analyzed the source material
15-20% ~ explaining these quotes of someone else
5% ~ _lots of conjunctions_ 
5-10% ~ My own analysis/ideas finally make a showing.
1% ~ Closing with some vague statement about how all this gives me hope for the future.
5-10% ~ Works Cited and/or any other formatting nonsense

It was rare for me to get below an A on such papers. Pulling it off requires a good prose style, though ... if your thoughts aren't cohesive, if you have trouble distinguishing between they're/their/there, etc., then a lot of small errors will hurt your grade.

Americans claim that 'creativity' is the strongest part of our educational system, and then laugh and sneer at, say, China's more rigid, memorization-based system; but at the end of the day, a painfully large amount of even higher education in the US is people of higher authority shoving their ideals and world-views down your throat, the acceptance and repetition of which heavily influences your grade.

As far as I'm concerned, college was mostly about learning skills, and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that, but I take it with a grain of salt when people start extolling the 'creativity' of American students.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

zwanglos said:


> Americans claim that 'creativity' is the strongest part of our educational system, and then laugh and sneer at, say, China's more rigid, memorization-based system; but at the end of the day, a painfully large amount of even higher education in the US is people of higher authority shoving their ideals and world-views down your throat, the acceptance and repetition of which heavily influences your grade.
> 
> As far as I'm concerned, college was mostly about learning skills, and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that, but I take it with a grain of salt when people start extolling the 'creativity' of American students.


That's part of the reason why I'm afraid to be daring in writing college papers.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

I used to always get _"you didn't answer the question"_. awwwwww. Reminds me of a Julian Assange interview I saw the other day.. the presenter asked him a question and he answered it in a round about way and she asked him again if he could answer her question.. I loled.


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## RyRyMini (Apr 12, 2010)

Act like you know what you're talking about, even if you don't. If you sound wishy washy, the professor won't buy it. There has been only one time so far where this has blown up in my face and I kind of felt like an ass, but I still achieved an A, probably because of the way I carefully framed my lack of knowledge.

As many stated, almost never use "I" unless the assignment requires personal experience. My personal rule of thumb for when I want to say "I believe/I think" is to switch it with something like "Some believe." Word choice is also important. Use words that are somewhat advanced, but also accessible, otherwise it'll appear that you used a thesaurus. Even if it's requiring a lot of effort (or non effort in this case), make it look effortless.


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## xrevolutionx (Apr 10, 2010)

Angelic Gardevoir said:


> Anyone have any advice on how to do this? Other than being extremely verbose? :crazy: One of my biggest problems with writing papers is being able to fill up the minimum amount of space. I suppose I tend to want to be concise since I don't want long-winded redundant passages of redundancy. (Yes, that was entirely intentional.)
> 
> So...yeah...
> 
> EDIT: No, I'm not writing a paper right now. I've actually been on hiatus from college for personal reasons. I just want some advice in the likely event that I'll have to write a paper for at least one class upon my return. Oh, and papers make me anxious in general. If I can get at least one major issue with this solved, it'll make life easier. ^_^U


I thought I had BSing through papers down but my brother takes the crown. When Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas came out, he played it non-stop, day and night. This went on for several weeks. Then there came a night where a paper was due for the end of one of his criminal justice classes. He sat down and wrote about Grand Theft Auto. He didn't just write a quote or example from the game. His entire paper was about the video game and only the video game. He got an A on his paper!!!

I'm going to tell him to write a book about procrastinating and BSing through life. I'm sure it will be a national best seller.


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## zwanglos (Jan 13, 2010)

RyRyMini said:


> As many stated, almost never use "I" unless the assignment requires personal experience.


You'll also be doing pretty well if you can write the entire paper without using the verbs 'to be' or 'to have', except where required for purposes of tense conjugation. This is a technique I had down pat by the end of high school, thanks to a good teacher.


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## HoneyTrap (Nov 11, 2010)

A total BULLSHIT paper has to include one of the following:
- lots of different ways to say the same thing, like you said --> "verbose" (example: "you could freeze staying out in the cold too long" should be "remaining outdoors in harsh winter weather for a prolonged period of time could very well result in the gelation of one's physical structure"). You'll have your professor thinking "wtf?" but in a good way.
- if it's persuasive, pick the side of the argument with the easiest and most reasons provided, not necessarily your own (though your side could just as well be the one with the easiest and most reasons)
- edit a high school paper, if you've saved any, and make it sound "smarter" (because you know you were kinda dumb back then) :tongue:
- get off the original topic just a bit sometimes to make it longer, but still keep mentioning things that would remind the reader of the original topic. These sentences generally start with "in turn" or "considering the aforementioned".
- passion always works (this is only if you get lucky enough with a topic you love)
- humor and smart-assery


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## Achi (Mar 20, 2010)

I find substance to be the best BS. It takes a little more work than trying create filler out of thin air, but it hasn't failed me yet.

I'm not saying I'm not guilty of getting a bit off topic, throwing in a few jokes, playing off the professor's opinions, resurrecting high school papers, and opening up my thesaurus though.


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## Carpe diem (Dec 10, 2009)

Terribly easy and horribly irritating to do.


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## Plaxico (Dec 11, 2010)

There's a neat trick where if you increase the size of the periods you can add a whole lot of length to the paper. it adds up.

that being said, i've only done that once on a rough draft. i personally don't feel comfortable doing that. even if the teacher doesn't find out i do feel like i'm cheating myself. i probably sound lame but that's how i feel.


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