# Why the sexual variant seems like the worse one...



## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

So thanks to a post by inebriato I found this site : The Enneagram Blogspot: The Instinctual Variants

which is awesome by the way...

I was reading about my variant, the sexual one and it basically said several things, this one stood out from the others:

"rimary ambition:
looking outside themselves for the person or situation that will complete them, and then obsessing over that completing element"

That seems to me to be the worst thing, because if someone is constantly looking outside themselves for a missing element, then they will never be satisified, or never have an inner peace of mind. If all that they want is outside of them. Kind of makes me feel sad in a way. Anyone ever thought about this?


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

The social variant is also directed to the outer world, but also in a larger scope - while the sexual variant may be appeased with an intimate, one-on-one connection, the social variant focuses on the larger group, which is much harder to maintain in the long run. I don't think it's the 'worst' one, or any of the variants being better or worse than the other two. You just have to deal with the cards you're played and make the best of it.


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Grey said:


> The social variant is also directed to the outer world, but also in a larger scope - while the sexual variant may be appeased with an intimate, one-on-one connection, the social variant focuses on the larger group, which is much harder to maintain in the long run. I don't think it's the 'worst' one, or any of the variants being better or worse than the other two. You just have to deal with the cards you're played and make the best of it.


Oh yeah I agree, it just seems unfortunate, especially for these two, always constantly searching outside of themselves for something that may not ever be guranteed. Surely true completion of spirit / soul / being / integration comes from within, and self work?


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

Like most things in life, there needs to be moderation - external output often can be turned around to fit into internal understanding (hence, what most of us are doing with the MBTI and other such systems). I can't say that the self-preservational variant is any better, though, as those of us with it dominant tend to be very closed-off, security-minded, and even a little paranoid if we're closer to the unhealthy stages.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

I don't' remember what Ia m specifically but I think by description you just gave I am SX-SO.

I like groups but one on one is awesome. I like personal more than group settings. Don't get me wrong I am good in groups and have lots of boundless energy I just like the focus being on me


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

I've encountered a range of steretypes and prejudices over all of the variants. There have been different biases (I'll use the extream to give a clear idea), such as the sx variant as creepy, sleezy, twisted, the soc variant at backstabbing, superficial, social climber, the sp as dull, irritating, selfish.

Also those for each variant: sp as warm, stable/reliable, considerate/conscientious, soc as great ice breakers and conversers in jeneral, jokesters, intuitive in their realtions with people to such an extent they almost 'dance' as they interact, and sx as sexy, mysterious, deep.

The sexual variant seems no worse or better than any other to me (though this depends on perception).
A large portion of this is misconception though, as it's about preference, not ability. It's not uncommon for soc's to mistake themselves as soc last, as they're terribble socialisers, or percieve themself so, and great introverts, but the point is is this is where their concern lies.


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## Sunless (Jul 30, 2009)

Problem with Sx for me is that what you feel is missing changes in time, and so does your eye, so you might never be satisfied with what you have. It requires a very subtle inner balance to keep them close to your heart and in the end it feels like walking on a tight rope.. shift your sight and you are lost.

On the other hand.. when you find a person you can connect with... :blushed:


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Yeah I see where you are coming from Sunless. Grey makes sense though, none are really worse than the other. I just feel a little sympathy for those who have to look outside themselves for this missing piece or whatever it is at the time. In fact being such a laid back guy I often take on tasks that I say 'yeah sure' and then later I am like ... wait ... I didn't mean sure I meant maybe! ... come back! ... :shocked: .... blast :angry:

So my problem is more about saying no to things outside me rather than wanting more from outside me. I don't feel that anything outside can really complete me. I guess the test just means out a a) a relationship (with someone I feel mentally as well as physically connected too, both is hard, for me it's usually always the latter) b) people or c) homely things, like material wealth and all the self preservation stuff. I would rather have a relationship. Especially if she is hot. As in hot in my eyes, not necessarily have all the flies hanging around her. Sometimes guys don't get the hint, leave the poor girl alone fellas! 

(*Whispers quietly, 'She's mine', followed by evil laugh*)


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

The sexual instinct is not simply related to relationships and one on one interaction. It's about intensity of experience and emotion, merging, whether that be with people, career/interests, or activities. The sx seven for example is typically associated with people who enjoy extream sports, or who go whizzing round the planet doing crazy numbers of things. The sx three is intensely involved with their persona and their work. I don't know how reliable this is, but when asked on a forum about sex, it seemed like an all or nothing thing - held in high regard in both respects though. These are the rather more stereotypical examples though, so don't wory if you're not much of a sky diver.

I think the missing piece idea can be misleading, this is just my two cents, but I'd say in a society like ours, it's not so uncommon to feel that way. But I may well be wrong. I'd be curious to find out actually.

The sp idea can differ in some types. The sp six for example can just be the more typically phobic six.


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Well I'm type 9 SX? care to elaborate on that?


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

The variant that is worst depends on the health of the person. An unhealthy sexual is going to leach off of you and a healthy sexual is going to establish a rapport with you. It's all about health rathe than variant, numbers, and wings.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Hey I am SX! But to be honest all I see in Enneagram is the bad side of the personality.


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## The Proof (Aug 5, 2009)

oh comeon, it's such a value judgment to think that some variants are worse than others

no variant is better than another, plus, who says they have ANY degree of accuracy?


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

inebriato said:


> Hey I am SX! But to be honest all I see in Enneagram is the bad side of the personality.


I'd second this.

In my experience it can help highlight issues you'd rather not come to terms with, but otherwise, can just be a tad depressing.



Thracius said:


> oh comeon, it's such a value judgment to think that some variants are worse than others
> 
> no variant is better than another, plus, who says they have ANY degree of accuracy?


The enneagram always does seem to induce irrational judgements...it's a strange thing to bring out, and does so more than the MBTI I've found.


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## Aßbiscuits (Oct 8, 2009)

I'm sx/sp and I used to feel like that, like someone or something had to complete me. But due to different circumstances I've learned to find happiness within myself which is where happiness begins. 

It didn't sadden me before, I was always so patient waiting for that event or person to complete me, telling myself I'd be happy when it happened. It was nice to dream about it but sometimes I got impatient and felt hopeless so I understand why you think it's bad but you're not doomed to thinking in that mind-set or feeling that way remember.


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

Thracius said:


> oh comeon, it's such a value judgment to think that some variants are worse than others
> 
> no variant is better than another, plus, who says they have ANY degree of accuracy?


What's a value judgement?

Thanks for your input guys. I was just pointing out what I thought the enneagram was trying to say about me 'always looking outside myself to complete me, am I?' lol 'how dare you enneagram' lol. I since understand that obviously it's different for a healthy SX variant.


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## fiasco (Dec 25, 2009)

cardinalfire said:


> What's a value judgement?


Good or bad, right or wrong, important or not important, etc. Assigning any value to a subject or action is making a value judgment on that subject or action.


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## cardinalfire (Dec 10, 2009)

fiasco said:


> Good or bad, right or wrong, important or not important, etc. Assigning any value to a subject or action is making a value judgment on that subject or action.


OK , and is this something bad then? (haha, see what I did there, I did a value thingy on the thingy... hehe :laughing: ... )


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

Hmmm, this is just a hunch, but as an SX, I've noticed that most of the intensity I strive for comes from within and has little to do with the outside. At least this is not more so externally motivated that an SP (worried about providing for themselves form the external world) and the SO (concerned with external relationships). I don't see how the SX variant is so lop sided. 

BTW, being an SX is awesome. :happy:


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

I wouldn't say it's the worst one. Although it can easily be the most misunderstood maybe? I'm an extroverted SX/SO which I suppose is somewhat paradoxical in that I have a need for one-to-one relationships while still having a huge desire to go out and network, network, network!

What most other people are saying are definitely correct. Being an SX doesn't mean you'll be always longing for something within yourself...it simply expresses an interaction tendency so be aware of that and act accordingly. :happy:


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