# ...people who are abused in their childhood actually 6s or appear as 6s?...



## Steel Magnolia (Apr 10, 2012)

corgiflatmate said:


> Is there a type that couldn't be caused by abuse?


I agree with @sleepyhead that there abuse could probably lead to any type. Perhaps many abuse victims are 6s, but it seems that type 6 is fairly common type (at least, to me it does). I think the reason abuse can lead to different types is because different abuse victims will adopt different strategies to cope with abuse. So for me, abuse may have played a factor in becoming a 1. At some point, I came to the conclusion that what was being done to me was evil (and abuse *is* evil, no other way of putting that). And so I thought, "Well, my abuser keeps telling me that I'm bad and I certainly feel that way. But abusers are in the wrong, so if I keep that in mind, I will be able to figure out a way to escape." And when the time came to leave home, my abusive father told me that I'd fail to stay independent, that I would go broke, become poor (poverty terrifies me), etc, etc. But I knew it was right to leave, kept stating my reasons for leaving (was insistent- every time he tried to break me down, I was able to raise another good point as to why I knew it was time to move out). And I won, because the whole time, I knew that I'd somehow manage to do the right thing for myself. I made mistakes, sure, but they can be a source of learning. Even though as a 1, I really, really hate it when I make a stupid mistake (or perceive that I've made a stupid mistake).


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## mpobrien (Apr 24, 2012)

I'm a 3 and I'm almost positive it was a result of childhood abuse. When I was younger I was either doing well, or I was abused for not performing well enough. I can only speculate on what I thought as a child, but I'm sure I quickly realized that feelings didn't matter, hard work and success were met with positive results, and any unsuccessful endeavors, or "half-successes", as I call them, were not an option. I think abuse can lead to any type, just some more often than others. I also think the type and cause of abuse plays a role.


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

LittleB81 said:


> So for me, abuse may have played a factor in becoming a 1. At some point, I came to the conclusion that what was being done to me was evil (and abuse *is* evil, no other way of putting that). And so I thought, "*Well, my abuser keeps telling me that I'm bad and I certainly feel that way. But abusers are in the wrong, so if I keep that in mind, I will be able to figure out a way to escape.*"


I agree that certain types can deal with things differently and the way the abuse is dealt with can create a persons type by their core fear which is anger, shame and anxiety. I think for me when I was being abused I was never told that what was happening to me was wrong, so I got the impression that I was abused because I was a bad person and that it was okay for other people to hurt me. My stepfather didn't give me a voice or an opinion and when he would hurt me it was never rectified. For four years he was allowed to hurt me until I became big enough that I could start defending myself, but all threw that time and even to this day I still carry around this feeling that it was in some way my fault and that there is apart of me that is damaged and different from other people and that there was something in me that made him hurt me because it's irreconcilable to me how another person can willingly want to hurt another human being the way in which he hurt me. A core part of me believes that there is something within me that is different or damaged from other people -- and that's probably why I am a 4. I was never able to be angry because it was never wrong for him to hurt me, but at the same time I know that I can get angry for other people - just not for myself. 

All types deal with abuse in different ways. 



mpobrien said:


> I'm a 3 and I'm almost positive it was a result of childhood abuse. When I was younger I was either doing well, or *I was abused for not performing well enough.* I can only speculate on what I thought as a child, but I'm sure* I quickly realized that feelings didn't matter*, hard work and success were met with positive results, and any unsuccessful endeavors, or "half-successes", as I call them, were not an option. I think abuse can lead to any type, just some more often than others. I also think the type and cause of abuse plays a role.


I think that is another aspect of this as well. I was originally a pretty bad kid in school, an average student, I got detentions a lot and at one point I also got an in school suspension just for not following rules but then I also realized that I wanted more from myself and I wanted to be more then what I was surrounded with. I needed to be successful and when I got into Middle and High School I made sure that I performed to the best of my achievements. I think the 3 wing is something I identify with a lot now that I am healthier and starting to realize all the things that I have accomplished as a person now. I think I owe a lot of my striving, resilience and inner strength to that wing. I still don't feel that I am a core three, as an INFP - Fi dominant I need my feelings to understand my surroundings but I have an affinity for 3 because I feel it got me threw some very tough times. 



Impact Calculus said:


> Depends whether that would be more likely to trigger modules of anger vs modules of anxiety.


Also shame.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Enneagram Type is in-born. So, it's not possible that being abused results in being a 6. Like @sleepyhead said, different people will respond to abuse differently. Id types are also less likely to seek treatment, especially 8s and 7(w8s). They tend to live in denial of pain/vulnerability. Despite having experienced severe abuse and large scale violence, I am more optimistic and hopeful than 95% of the world lol. I am also less in-tune with dangers or whatever. When something comes up, I can handle it. I know I can handle it, and my experiences haven't made me over-cautious or fearful. I have layers and layers of emotional armouring in place, and emotionally, I don't let my guard down around anyone and everyone. I am also a private person, but not for fear of danger/things going wrong. I am a private person because I have a strong sense of boundaries. I am a 3w4, btw. 

All in all, I can say, with confidence, that abuse has nothing to do with type. Response to abuse may be type related, but type in itself is not.


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## SweetPickles (Mar 19, 2012)

This thread made me think. I am a 6 who has never been abused but my close friends (who have been victims) have asked me "Are you sure you were never abused?"


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

Boss said:


> Enneagram Type is in-born.


I don't agree with that. I don't believe we are born having these fears and vices, those seem socially constructed and taught to people over the course of experiences. I don't believe it's natural per say to have one preoccupied fixation and characterization among 9 types of people. E-types also seem to have inborn personality characteristics such as 9's patience, 7's energy or 1's righteousness and 6's anxiety -- I don't believe these things just manifest on their own. They happen as a response to their environment and could likely be changed or appropriated under different circumstances in ones life so I say that I disagree with this.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Arrow said:


> I don't agree with that. I don't believe we are born having these fears and vices, those seem socially constructed and taught to people over the course of experiences. I don't believe it's natural per say to have one preoccupied fixation and characterization among 9 types of people. E-types also seem to have inborn personality characteristics such as 9's patience, 7's energy or 1's righteousness and 6's anxiety -- I don't believe these things just manifest on their own. They happen as a response to their environment and could likely be changed or appropriated under different circumstances in ones life so I say that I disagree with this.


In Enneagram literature, Enneagram types are considered in-born tendencies. When you read parental orientation parts, you will notice that the child is born with a certain personality (an 8 child is born strong-headed and aggressive..check with an 8's mother, and she'll tell you how assertive that kid was even as an infant) whose personality takes shape in response to the environment. These fears, vices and motivations are in-born. Had Enneagram theorists been proposing the ridiculous hypothesis that environment had no bearing on an individual, all 8s would've had identical personalities. 

I am not diminishing the importance of the 'nurture' side of the debate. I, for instance, had the typical 8 childhood. I mistyped as an 8 for that reason. I was raised in an environment where vulnerability had no place. If you were to read the EI's 8 description, you'll see the quote from the type 8 woman who resolutely got off a horse without a tear after nearly meeting with an accident. That was me, growing up. I didn't shed a tear when a bullet was removed from my shoulder, while I was fully conscious. The only people who ever seen my cry are the ones I am close to. I would never be caught dead displaying so called 'vulnerability' in public. But, my motivations and fears are those of a 3 not an 8. I was raised to be "tough" and impenetrable, emotionally. I took on adult responsibilities at a young age. I was sent out to fend for myself when most children my age were living sheltered lives. No one expected anything of me, because my mother was ill and my father was dead (i was 10). But it didn't make me an 8. I am very much a 3 who desires success and seeks to avoid failure (this being a rather crude explanation of the type). 

That you disagree with it is, actually, a good thing. I am glad you're thinking about it critically. I wasn't comfortable with the Enneagram is inherent argument, until I understood the dynamics better.


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## TitaniaRose (Oct 27, 2011)

soya said:


> This sounds more like a 9 than a 6, yes.
> 
> I suffered some ...less than pleasant situations growing up and I seemed to turn out as a 9. Did those experiences contribute? Probably, as I think I became more withdrawn and less likely to exercise my anger for fear of causing or encouraging more chaos around me, and those became ingrained habits. However, I also have some anxiety issues resulting from bad experiences that I don't think would have been so pronounced otherwise - which could definitely make for a 6-like appearance. It's hard to draw lines between what came first. We are all a complicated mix of nature, nurture and a je ne sais quoi wild card element, from what I can tell. While making a formula or hypothesis is helpful, it's a loose sketch at best, a framework to work from, something nobody will fit to a T.
> 
> Invariably trauma will have some negative repercussions, but what kind and of what severity will differ from person to person. I am unconvinced that any one type is "the abuse victim type". Consider that 8s could be trauma victims who became hypervigilant, determined to take control of their path and never be dominated again, or 7s as those who chose to avoid pain by always seeking novelty and enjoyment, or 5s as those who retreated into the impersonal world of ideas to escape turbulent emotions... really, a case could be made for all 9 types.


Yes, I undoubtedly believe an abuse victim could turn out to be absolutely any type. I do not know what type I am exactly, I feel I am a 6, but I feel I can relate to other types(perhaps in my tri -type or I am confused as to what my type is). I feel like because 6 is a broader type than others, I put myself there as it was easier than narrowing in. I feel I have a lot of two ish qualities, I can be very 'OMG let me help you, let me help you - WHY, won't you let me help you?' But I'm not sure it's my defining characteristic. I can relate to 1's self righteousness, I have prolongued anger issues and I read that could be one - ish. It's not that I'm an overly angry person - I'm not an 8, I'm not naturally aggressive, I just am bit obsessed with justice and get angry if I can't get it for something I've seen/witnessed. It doesn't leave me until I can find a way to make it just. I always feel I have the emotions of a 4. So what I am? I put myself as 6 as I thought it could encompass all of these traits. 
. 
If I am a 6, I could understand it - I wouldn't go as far as to say abused but did experience a lot of instability growing up, and even as a kid I was quite aware of danger but even back as kid I had a a lot counter phobic(mixed with phobic) behaviour going on. 

I only brought this up because I almost thought I might be a 9, but it didn't feel like it was a good fit, especially when I read that 9's are not prone to being outworldy emotional/anger. Which is the opposite of me, especially with the anger. Anger is one of my go too emotions. Anger causes to me to act. This person I was talking about who was emotionally neglected and left to care for younger siblings emotions/ even basic needs and was basically was told all the time 'Your feeling's don't count' through words and indirect actions(being ignored). The person grew up without a father, then was basically sent to live with him never having known him(mother went to live in another country) and had to adapt to her 'new' family, father, step mother, half siblings, uncles, grandparents never having known any of them and was obsessed with wanting them to like her and fit in and as such never expressed her own needs/desires, didn't want to be a bother. Plus more unpleasant things I don't feel like getting into. But even that's enough to get a picture of why someone might turn out to be a 9. This person told me they don't 'do' anger, don't feel it and I felt so confused, how could someone NOT be able to be angry, really - ever. I think they are capable of feeling anger in _some_ situations - like a loved one being hurt - but other than that, no anger. I felt shocked by this because just hearing about the things this person had unjustly been put through made _me_ angry(like put me in the room with one of these people who neglected/hurt her, well - just - please remove all sharp objects from room.). I found it sad she didn't feel that need/that anger to defend the way she was treated. I could never be like that. Knowing her made me think I couldn't be a 9 if she was a 9 because I'd never be that way. Even if I had been through the things she had, I couldn't see myself being that way. When I'm huty, I tend to react in quite extreme ways, I like to _do_ when I feel, even if something small - I can't imagine being that passive.


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## TitaniaRose (Oct 27, 2011)

I already replied here but I wanted to say something else. The person I was talking about does display signs of a 6. They have done, I suppose what would be a six - ish thing and clung to a cause/organization to feel apart of something, to belong, to have a list of rules to follow, a way to live and show loyalty to that way of living. I fully believe they have done this due to their extreme lack of 'self' they felt they needed to be a part of something to make sense of things. (I highly disagree though as I think it's only encouraged them to press down their trauma's even further by hyper focusing on something else). That is six - ish I think, in the sense of clinging to something larger than themselves. I still think this person is a nine as they have a very calm demeanor - they never raise their voice, ever, it's actually something I find a bit disturbing as I don't know anyone who never feels the need to raise their voice _ever_. I think it's bizarre. I've known people who have had bad lives, I've known other abuse victims. They cry, they yell, the scream at times like anyone else. This person might cry sometimes(but not often), but never yell, never scream, never anything like that. That's why I say she is passive. Even when she isn't being passive, you can see her stripping all the emotion from her words so she can defend herself(without raising her voice, ever I might add again) and if you 'go' at her too much, she just shuts off. She does have anxiety, but it's not the way I've known typical anxiety sufferers. You wouldn't even know it if you didn't know where to look. She doesn't seem anxious, but I know in the inside she is a bit paranoid and afraid, negative - which is why she found her organization to give her something she sees as positive that's bigger than herself I think, so in a sense she focuses even less on herself. Perhaps this person has a 6 in their tri - type, but I feel strongly they are firstly a 9.


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## heaveninawildflower (Feb 5, 2012)

Just my opinion on this. I don't think abuse determines type. I think type determines how we deal with the abuse. I have 3 siblings and we are all so different in how we dealt with our childhood. Domestic violence was the norm in our home but we all responded to it differently. I don't have hardly any fears after what I have lived through and I am very strong-willed.


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## Emerson (Mar 13, 2011)

Was abused: INTJ 4w5 3w2 9w1 Sorry to dump on your theory, yo.


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