# Fe vs Fi in love



## Catpowered (Dec 26, 2015)

Does anyone else find that Fi and Fe users are quite compatible with each other once they stop butting heads over which function is better? (ie once the Fe user stops getting written off as the mindless follower and the Fi user stops getting written off as a narcissist) Fe is lowest in my stack so perhaps I'm not the best person to ask, but almost everyone I seem to attract is an Fi user. 

A big thing I've noticed is that Fi users need way more reassurance in relationships. They love being the center of their loved one's attention and they seem to get jealous easily. They need to be constantly reminded that they're amazing individuals and that there's no one else you love more. Even in friendships, I've seen some Fi users get weirdly possessive and clingy. As an Fe user, of course I appreciate compliments, devotion, and affection but I don't constantly seek reassurance and validation from my partner. If I can tell that they're genuinely happy and full of love when I'm around them, that's enough reassurance for me.


----------



## LeftEyeDominant (Aug 15, 2015)

Catpowered said:


> Does anyone else find that Fi and Fe users are quite compatible with each other once they stop butting heads over which function is better? (ie once the Fe user stops getting written off as the mindless follower and the Fi user stops getting written off as a narcissist) Fe is lowest in my stack so perhaps I'm not the best person to ask, but almost everyone I seem to attract is an Fi user.
> 
> A big thing I've noticed is that Fi users need way more reassurance in relationships. They love being the center of their loved one's attention and they seem to get jealous easily. They need to be constantly reminded that they're amazing individuals and that there's no one else you love more. Even in friendships, I've seen some Fi users get weirdly possessive and clingy. *As an Fe user, of course I appreciate compliments, devotion, and affection but I don't constantly seek reassurance and validation from my partner. If I can tell that they're genuinely happy and full of love when I'm around them, that's enough reassurance for me.*


As someone who isn't a dominant Fe user, I agree to this.
Since Fi isn't anywhere in my top 4 function stack, I find it hard to accept when my Fi friends are so much focused on how things make them feel. It makes me feel as if I have to be very careful not to give the wrong idea or message to them when I'm actually not trying to point what I'm doing towards their feelings. They can be tiring sometimes, but since I don't have Fi, I can just go with what they want unless I get annoyed by things that don't make sense to me.


----------



## Catpowered (Dec 26, 2015)

wingedfriend said:


> Since Fi isn't anywhere in my top 4 function stack, I find it hard to accept when Fi are so much focused on how things make them feel. It makes me feel as if I have to be very careful not to give the wrong idea or message to them when I'm actually not trying to point what I'm doing towards their feelings. They can be tiring sometimes, but since I don't have Fi, I can just go with what they want unless I get annoyed by things that don't make sense to me.


While I believe Fi and Fe are compatible, I also believe that it takes a lot of effort and maturity. What Fi users need to do is learn that not everything is about them and that they need to be direct about their feelings instead of turning moody and passive aggressive. Fe users need to learn to be in touch with their own feelings instead of focusing so much on how others feel. In a way, the contrasting types balance each other out and can learn from the other. Once their weaknesses are recognized, it's definitely possible to improve.


----------



## piano (May 21, 2015)

good question


----------



## Enygma85 (Dec 9, 2015)

As an auxiliary Fe user in general and an INFJ in particular, I can sum up love (if we're talking about the relational kind, not just a friendship or that which exists between you and your family) very clearly: _across the Universe_. It has to be more than just a symbiosis; it has to be totally transcendental and thus without reference to language or the world of the object. We are, unfortunately, prone to turning interdependent relationships into codependent ones, or allowing a relationship to continue with a toxic, codependent partner because of this unsaid, unwritten vow to go to the edge of the earth and beyond for this person and that love. It is about becoming one with the other. _Thou art that_. I'll put it another way: Most of you have probably heard of _The Five Love Languages_, right? Yeah, well, for an Fe user like me, I'm fluent. In all of them. As in I can speak my partner's Love Language as though it were my native tongue, because part of the journey of loving this person means knowing how they wish to receive love. That's so important to me. But I will say, as someone who was with an auxiliary Fi user for almost a decade: She didn't want to, nor did she really care to, speak my language. She thought her language was also my language because I loved speaking her language so much. In hindsight I'm not faulting her for this, nor am I saying this is the norm for Fi users, but it is also in this particular relationship that I was in that I can see stark differences between Fe and Fi love, and both have their positive and negative attributes. I think a crucial thing to note about all of this, though, is that you have to look at a particular Fe or Fi user _through the totality of their type_, which means taking a (w)holistic approach to this idea of how an Fe or Fi user loves. An ENFJ is going to love differently (and most likely view love from an entirely different perspective) than an INFJ, even though they're an Fe-Ni user. There's so much that can be said about this topic, though.


----------



## AddictiveMuse (Nov 14, 2013)

i cant play the piano said:


> good question


Slightly annoyed that you edited because I agreed with your point and what you were saying. 

-----

Fi users feel deeply and intensely. They'll let you know. Not in the same way as Fe users however. I think Fe users are blatant. 

Fi users will do anything for you and expect nothing in return. It's kind of a way to say thank you for them. I feel like Fe users see it as necessity to be giving or affectionate in love. For Fi users it's a privilege. Fi users are going to tell you to go fuck yourself if you're asking for a blow job and there's no emotional connection there. But they'll go down when they love you purely because they can. You don't have to ask, because the idea of making you happy makes them happy. 

Fi users, whilst they're quiet and keep a lot of how they feel hidden are very emotional people, whilst they do not appear to be.

I also think Fe users will go and figure you out. The best way to love you. They're flexible. Fi users have their own way of loving you. Too bad if you don't like it. 

I think Fi users find it harder to fall or be in love, but when they do they get it bad. I think if they loose that it hurts much more and they have a harder time moving on. Fe users on the other hand I think find it easier to love someone and in turn moving forward.


----------

