# A disastrous journey in University and now I'm completely lost



## yserra (Oct 8, 2013)

I enrolled in an Australian Universuty at age 19 and was accepted as an International Student. When I look back, I ask myself if it was a wise choice.


At 19 and just fresh out of school, I had a shit ton of issues that stemmed from my childhood. I was at best a loner who never really had any playmates and in High School, I had to deal with things like rejection, bullying from classmates and teachers, loneliness and fear, as a result I developed Social Anxiety Disorder (I probably also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, Paranoid and Avoidant Personality Disorder, and other illnesses), Depression and suicidal tendencies. My issues, to this day, have been brushed under the rug and dismissed as being excuses...thus they remain undiagnosed.


Back then, I originally wanted to take a year off to try and work on myself, sort my shit out before going to University but my parents choose to pressure me, thinking that the faster I graduate, the better. They were adamant that I should study Accounting and Management, which I absolutely hated at the time and in the end, as a compromise I decided to study Psychology (I had planned to go into Engineering when I was in High School, but struggled so much with Mathematics and Physics that I felt unsure). If it was up to me, at that age I would have probably tried something like Web/Graphic Design, despite not being good at drawing (I was a self-taught photoshop junkie and enjoyed designing websites...a hobby that I have long abandoned as I was constantly criticized for wasting my time) and other Arts courses.


At the time, I was idealistic, optimistic that I could get over my issues, thrive and unleash my potential, then who knows? I would probably have a Ph.D by the time I'm 25! However, my unresolved issues got in the way, my attempt at being more extroverted failed, my interpersonal relationships suffered, I became depressed, my social anxiety surfaced and I started collapsing on myself...in the end, my studies suffered greatly. At the time, I was also struggling in Psychology and this led me to change my major to Sociology. You're probably wondering why I didn't seek help at the time...well, the thing was that mom and dad objected to me being on medication and that I was just being silly.


This horror dragged on...and I am now 25, I was supposed to graduate this year with a B.A in Sociology and minor in Psychological Studies, but due to my issues affecting my ability to perform, I ended up in a nasty situation with my University and I returned home. Now I feel but I have no choice but find random jobs.


My long-time dream was to immigrate to Canada (where I originally would've gone for my Higher Studies, if it were my choice but considering how utterly Pathetic, I am I don't think that Canadians would want me at all )




My future is very uncertain. I am still depressed, still having unresolved issues, regrets and honestly, I want to die. I feel so empty and I am not sure of what I like or want to do anymore. I am now trying to find out if I can complete my sociology degree and then find a way to finance myself and go into something that might help me get the hell out of here, but what? I'm not sure where to go from where I am.


Has anyone gone through a similar situation? If so, how did you get out of it?


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

I was stuck for 3 years in a university course I didn't really like, struggled with depression and unrealistic expectations, social anxiety etc. How did I get out? I went for therapy.


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## yserra (Oct 8, 2013)

I am currently seeing a psychologist, but I am really doubtful if she will be really able to help me get out of the hole I'm in. I have no whatsoever support from my family. The thing that causes me great distress among many things is where do I go from here

Would you mind terribly if I ask you for more details about your situation etc...?


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

yserra said:


> I am currently seeing a psychologist, but I am really doubtful if she will be really able to help me get out of the hole I'm in. I have no whatsoever support from my family. The thing that causes me great distress among many things is where do I go from here
> 
> Would you mind terribly if I ask you for more details about your situation etc...?


I don't mind. I'm quite well now actually, I function pretty normal, except that I don't have many friends and am not good at making, but my major issues with socializing, like feeling constantly judged and anxious are controlled. The most important thing however is that I have the self-esteem to know that I can study what I like, set goals for myself that are reachable and I don't judge myself harshly like I used to. 
I know you feel that you have failed the goal you set, to have a PhD at 25 but you failed probably because you set the goal too high and when the first problems began you felt even more disappointed that you're failing your initial goal. The pressure from your parents definitely played a part, at it seems to me that it would be beneficial for you to break free of them, confront them, etc. 
I too have put my studies behind, I'll finish my BSc at 25 but it doesn't bother me that much because my reasons for that are that I wasn't well and now I'm better, so it's only positive, even if I'm later than the expected. Being healthy is more important than having a degree. 
My therapy involved medication, which is a controversial issue but for me it was very positive as they really helped me to see things differently and teach myself how to handle situations even when I stopped taking them.
Ask anything else you like.


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