# Erection problems.How to get it up and keep it up?



## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

To all of you virile men out there.Does anyone have any advice on how to maintain an erection?I have a new lover,two years older than me.He hasn't been with a woman for a long time and can definitely get it up.But once he enters me he goes flaccid again.He assures me that it is his problem,as he finds me very desirable and wants to please me.He said my vagina is tight and that's not the issue either.I suggested that i may be too wet and slippery,but that has never been an issue in the past for me with other lovers.He is always apologizing to me,but just being with him excites me,and sex isn't the main ingredient in a relationship in my opinion.Just having him hold,kiss and caress me gives me shivers.I want him to enjoy himself too,and any advice on how he can keep his erection whilst inside me would be appreciated.


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## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

I would recommend seeking a doctor, the doctor may prescribe viagra, or maybe seek a counselor where it could simply be an issue worked out through therapy if possible. 

The occasional joke might help you and the thread. "Hang in there." :tongue:

As far as personal advice, I don't know, I've never had that problem but I'm only 28 so....


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Thanks @Hokahey,my new man is trying to give up smoking using nicotine patches,and did say that his erection problem could be a side effect of that.He is intending to see his doctor for a check up and to discuss his problem.All i can do now is reassure him that i love being with him regardless.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

explicit much?

damn...


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

I am not an exert on Viagra or erection problems but if he is hard before he enters you then I would think he has no physical problem. He is either turned off by you or extremely conscientious of what is happening (ie he is getting stage fright). If it is stage fright then he has to work through as it is entirely mental. Stay away from Viagra if he can get an erection already.


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## LotusBlossom (Apr 2, 2011)

sometimes when a guy is tooo excited it can totally go the other way. If you both are new to each other then it could possibly be nerves. Give yourselves a bit more time to get comfortable with each other.


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## SpaceCadette (Apr 29, 2010)

I had an ex that used to happen to - and every single frickin time it was because he had to pee. Even when he swore he didn't. I would say - go pee. "No I don't have to." Just go try. That's always the problem. "Ok but I really don't have to go. OMG I HAD TO PEE!!!" Yeah... thought so. He would be hard and we would get down to business but then when we started going at it, it would just go soft or semi-soft. So peeing before we started or as soon as he became erect became a ritual, just to make sure.
Also this was somewhat of a newer development for him - before we were together he hadn't been with anyone for a few years, so he wasn't really sure what was happening at first either.

lol maybe it's something that simple? Idk. Just my two cents.


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## Vic (Dec 4, 2010)

Get high (but not too high) and relax.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

There are many things you can do. Don't forget the erection extends down through the perineum. The best thing to do is foreplay without letting him touch you. It works like a charm but you have to be diligent. Bathe him, take him to bed, go down on him backwards. LET HIM SEE YOU but don't touch. Stimulate the perineum while doing so. Then at last minute.........

*Please deposit another $125 to continue counsel* :tongue:


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

Other health problems such as diabetes, blood pressure, etc can also effect how well an erection can be maintained. If he does not exercise enough or is very overweight it can also cause problems with staying hard.

And I'm an advocate of safe sex, but I've noticed a difference between condom and no condom. Just sayin'

Also, cock rings are useful if taking drugs isn't your forte. Remember to not keep it on for more than 20 minutes or else there could be tissue damage to the penis.


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## Veeg (Jan 24, 2011)

How old is he? Maybe the thing isn't that he can't seem to keep it up when he's inside you. Maybe the reason is all just that he can't keep it up for long at all. I mean, I'm no specialist in the case, but maybe it's hard for his penis to keep the blood-flow long enough for you two to actually have sex.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

He just turned 46 in January,and thanks everyone for your input.It could be as simple as nerves,as it has been a long time since he last had sex.He finds me very fuckable and keeps apologising when he goes soft.It happens mainly in missionary position.If i hold him inside me we can continue with him reaching ejaculation.I found that when we did it doggy style it was much easier for him to stay hard.I will try your advice @pinkrasputin,and he isn't overweight.On the contrary he is as thin as a whippet/greyhound.I wouldn't say i'm fat either,average build and slimming down naturally from all the sexercise i'm getting.It has been three nights straight and getting better every time.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Well I've been with much older than 46. It seriously doesn't have to be a problem at any age. As a girlfriend you just get more creative. It's a lot of fun. I personally love the challenge. 

You might also want to read some of my older threads. I throw in tips here in there. I tend to date much older men. I find them delicious. But 46 is not really old. lol.

Also it can happen at any age. My ex husband in his 20s for instance. Also anti-depressants can affect things in different ways. They may get an erection, but it's harder to achieve climax. Still, not a problem. Now go get him, tiger!


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## Ezra (Mar 19, 2011)

Ozziechick1966 said:


> He just turned 46 in January,and thanks everyone for your input.It could be as simple as nerves,as it has been a long time since he last had sex.He finds me very fuckable and keeps apologising when he goes soft.It happens mainly in missionary position.If i hold him inside me we can continue with him reaching ejaculation.I found that when we did it doggy style it was much easier for him to stay hard.I will try your advice @pinkrasputin,and he isn't overweight.On the contrary he is as thin as a whippet/greyhound.I wouldn't say i'm fat either,average build and slimming down naturally from all the sexercise i'm getting.It has been three nights straight and getting better every time.


Maybe you just need to get more adventurous position-wise?


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

I have an update,my man went to the doctor yesterday,and he recommended Viagra.Four little blue pills cost AUS $63.95,but it was worth it.He took half a tablet one hour before we had sex,and 'Wow'......he got rock hard and stayed that way.I very rarely orgasm from penetrative sex,but not only did i do it,but we were able to do it together,and that was the first time that had ever happened in 21 years of being sexually active.I must say my man was extremely happy that we were able to please each other like that,and i was very happy that he could get a solution to his ED problem.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Ozzie - can you ask him how much porn he watches? (This is a serious question)


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Ok,i will ask him that question when i see him later today.


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## chibs (Feb 24, 2011)

Ozziechick1966 said:


> To all of you virile men out there.Does anyone have any advice on how to maintain an erection?I have a new lover,two years older than me.He hasn't been with a woman for a long time and can definitely get it up.But once he enters me he goes flaccid again.He assures me that it is his problem,as he finds me very desirable and wants to please me.He said my vagina is tight and that's not the issue either.I suggested that i may be too wet and slippery,but that has never been an issue in the past for me with other lovers.He is always apologizing to me,but just being with him excites me,and sex isn't the main ingredient in a relationship in my opinion.Just having him hold,kiss and caress me gives me shivers.I want him to enjoy himself too,and any advice on how he can keep his erection whilst inside me would be appreciated.


sounds like an issue with his mindset. it definitely does _not_ have anything to do with you... my theory would be that he's very much interested in pleasing you and gets 'performance anxiety' once it comes down to the real action out of worry of not measuring up to his own expectations.

my suggestion would be to get him into a mood where he is ready to be pleased instead of just pleasing. maybe that way, you could get his implied objective out of his mind and he would relax.

out of all of us, you know him best, so i unfortunately can't really tell you what exactly to do to achieve this... but talking about the issue openly and non judgemental always helps.

good luck! :happy:


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

avalanche183 said:


> Ozzie - can you ask him how much porn he watches? (This is a serious question)


 He hardly watches porn at all.It doesn't interest him as much as the real thing.


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## StandingTiger (Dec 25, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> explicit much?


Yeah, but I think anyone who went on to read the thread figured that there would be frank talk of a sexual nature. There's no need to discuss sex with innuendos, shame, or only surface details. I'm not offended by it. _/shrug/_ I'm not offended by much, however.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

I am not offended either.
Just playin' around, per usual.
Please continue.


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## ponyjoyride (May 7, 2010)

This used to happen with me and my boyfriend especially in the beginning of our relationship. We both were sexually quite unexperienced. Neither of us were virgins but our sexual experiences were limited so both of us were rather nervous. I think it helped when I started to be more confident and "pushy" in bed.

It also helped when he went to see a doctor. I wanted him to see a doctor because I wanted to exclude the possibility that his erectional problems were caused by a more severe disease. The doctor said that it was only because of performance stress. It's been much easier since because now we both know that if he can't get it up he just has to relax.

Nicotine might also be a reason. A while ago I stopped smoking by using nicotine pills and it was very difficult for me to get sexually excited. Even though I was first ready for some action the effect of nicotine caused me to get distracted so I ended up lying like a dead fish.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Yes,my man is trying to give up smoking using nicotine patches,and i guess drinking alcohol wouldn't help much either.I think it is mainly a performance thing as he hadn't been with a woman for a long time before me,and i would say that i am probably a bit more experienced than him.I am also a completely different person in bed than out,so perhaps i'm a bit too full on for him.Maybe i need to tone it down a bit,not that he's complaining.


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## WildWinds (Mar 9, 2010)

He probably should see a doctor though just in case, to rule out any serious health problems. Smoking and drinking can have an effect, but idk, I wouldn't think it'd be such an issue in a young guy. If there's nothing wrong with his health, then its probably performance anxiety. Talk about it, make him comfortable, and don't jump right into intercourse; like somebody said prior, foreplay. And it doesn't have to lead to intercourse either. 

Also keep in mind that his confidence is probably low right now from the failed attempts at sex. Small steps and successful nights of foreplay can help build his confidence again.


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## Up and Away (Mar 5, 2011)

If scared or problem with trust to express myself or intimacy ''''-------_________. All i know though.


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## AussieChick (Dec 27, 2010)

Things have been going well,and we have been able to enjoy each other through foreplay and sex.Last night i tried to relax my man by giving him a bj,and telling him that i didn't expect sex every night.He is always pleasing me,so i wanted to do something pleasing for him.We have been having sexual intercourse twice a day on average 5 days per week,but i know it will taper off soon.He has been able to get an erection,but not maintain it for very long once he gets things going.I keep telling him that i don't mind,as just being with him is enough for me.But i know that he feels that he is letting me down,and i want him to be happy.He has been to the doctor and been prescribed Viagra,but he uses that sparingly,as he only had four tablets and it is expensive.He had half a tablet on two occasions prior to us having sex and it certainly worked the way it was meant to.


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## Ezra (Mar 19, 2011)

Ozziechick1966 said:


> Things have been going well,and we have been able to enjoy each other through foreplay and sex.Last night i tried to relax my man by giving him a bj,and telling him that i didn't expect sex every night.He is always pleasing me,so i wanted to do something pleasing for him.We have been having sexual intercourse twice a day on average 5 days per week,but i know it will taper off soon.He has been able to get an erection,but not maintain it for very long once he gets things going.I keep telling him that i don't mind,as just being with him is enough for me.But i know that he feels that he is letting me down,and i want him to be happy.He has been to the doctor and been prescribed Viagra,but he uses that sparingly,as he only had four tablets and it is expensive.He had half a tablet on two occasions prior to us having sex and it certainly worked the way it was meant to.


Okay... Try this. It may work, may not.

One night, out of the blue, start dominating him. You say he likes to please you - that sounds like the kind of thing a submissive would say. So make him submit. He might REALLY like it.

Then another night, if that doesn't work (or even if it does!) do the reverse: tell him to tie you up and do things to you etc. See how he reacts. Given that I've made my assessment of him as submissive, he might not like this, but it's worth a shot if you haven't tried!


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## Ezra (Mar 19, 2011)

Performance is a bastard really, because once you "can't" do something, you get into this negative cycle whereby you basically can't stop thinking that you're crap, and then you really are crap. I managed to avoid it, and TBH the only times I've ever personally had trouble is at the start of a relationship, pretty much only the first time we have sex. And then shit gets sorted. And with my current gf, it was no problem at all! It's all about emotional connection for me, but it can be very different for others.


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## gaudy316 (Nov 19, 2010)

Ozziechick1966 said:


> To all of you virile men out there.Does anyone have any advice on how to maintain an erection?I have a new lover,two years older than me.He hasn't been with a woman for a long time and can definitely get it up.But once he enters me he goes flaccid again.He assures me that it is his problem,as he finds me very desirable and wants to please me.He said my vagina is tight and that's not the issue either.I suggested that i may be too wet and slippery,but that has never been an issue in the past for me with other lovers.He is always apologizing to me,but just being with him excites me,and sex isn't the main ingredient in a relationship in my opinion.Just having him hold,kiss and caress me gives me shivers.I want him to enjoy himself too,and any advice on how he can keep his erection whilst inside me would be appreciated.


1. Make sure he's not drunk
2. Once goes flaccid, use your mouth and let it pop back up. Use some serious tongue action. That never failed for me, but then again, even when I WAS drunk. But I'm 26...


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## daydr3am (Oct 20, 2010)

I had that problem with an ex. He was just worried about his performance. Over time/practice, and he becomes more comfortable, he'll stay hard.


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