# Sex before feelings



## WickedQueen

I'm a non pre-marital sex practitioner. I think it's also a matter of people's attachment to commitment. As long as there's physical attractions, I can imagine myself having sex with someone without having any feelings to the person (because I'm a horndog). But, I choose not to, because I'm committed to my own principles and I don't want to do that with someone I'm not in a relationship with. 

Also, the reason I won't do that is because having sex without feelings means that I'm not in a relationship with him/her. I would feel that the person is undervaluing my worth as an individual, because he/she only wants my body, without having any interest (romantically) on my personality. I personally find this as very insulting and offensive, so I would never do that.


----------



## niss

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> So ive noticed that in other subforums that certain types say that they will develop loving feelings after have had a sexual relationship with someone, what are your opinions on this? does it happen?


Sounds like some variation of Stockholm's Syndrome.


----------



## jsawyerwill

I can have a sexual relationship with a broad variety of girls a never develop feelings for any of them, and some girls I just go nuts over because I can't have that sexual relationship. I'm not sure if this is classifiable INTP behavior or just normal human nature but I want most what I can't have.


----------



## mustang_baby

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> So ive noticed that in other subforums that certain types say that they will develop loving feelings after have had a sexual relationship with someone, what are your opinions on this? does it happen?


For me, if I like someone and have sex with them I will tend to feel more attached to them. I would describe it as 'more loving' and then of course in long term relationships this develops into love. I can also sleep with someone and decide not to see them again, and not feel overly attached though I will usually like them more and feel more inclined to see them if I have slept with them. It's not logical, just feels ;-)

I think when I was younger this turned into clinginess and an expectation that this was a reciprocal feeling. Now I'm older my emotions are much more under wraps and I know what I'm getting into by sleeping with someone. 

I'd also add that for me, sex is a very important part of the relationship. I can't imagine having 'loving feelings' for someone and be in a relationship with them and there to be no sex. To me it forms the bond more than anything else, though I'm sure that's not the case for others.


----------



## Pinion

Not necessarily, no. 

If I'm having sex with someone then I have feelings of _some kind_ for them, because sex requires mental or emotional stimulation to be worth engaging in. It's not love, but it's an easy and very common precursor to fostering deeper feelings and intimacy - if it's allowed to grow. I've had sex without being in love or falling in love, and I've had love (the feeling) without sex. I think sex was a symptom of growing closer and becoming open to more intimacy in my long-term relationships rather than what caused it to happen, and part of something playful elsewhere.


----------



## Agg Herbor

I couldn't imagine having sex with someone who's company I flat-out just did not enjoy. I know some people are just into the boning and bouncing thing, but I wouldn't get any satisfaction from being with someone JUST for the sake of getting physical if I couldn't stand them (with deviant potential exceptions). 
I don't think a strong romantic connection is necessary either, though. Sex can be just sex without the colloquial Feels, but can I at least maybe not be repulsed by your presence or intellect? Just be a competent, attractive person with the slightest hint of personal chemistry toward me, and our sex can be whatever it needs to be.


----------



## 90626

For me love has to exist first. This is one issue for which I tend to be conservative.


----------



## Babolat

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> So ive noticed that in other subforums that certain types say that they will develop loving feelings after have had a sexual relationship with someone, what are your opinions on this? does it happen?


Sex is not just physical for me. I do look for and crave an emotional connection, too. 

To answer your question, yes I believe this can, and does happen, probably very often. As a man, I can think of a few occassions where after having sex with a woman I just started date the "love" word almost came out. Now, is this real love, or a loving feeling? My guess is the latter.


----------



## Pats

WickedQueen said:


> I'm a non pre-marital sex practitioner. I think it's also a matter of people's attachment to commitment. As long as there's physical attractions, *I can imagine myself having sex with someone without having any feelings to the person (because I'm a horndog)*. But, I choose not to, because I'm committed to my own principles and I don't want to do that with someone I'm not in a relationship with.
> 
> Also, the reason I won't do that is because having sex without feelings means that I'm not in a relationship with him/her. I would feel that the person is undervaluing my worth as an individual, *because he/she only wants my body, without having any interest (romantically) on my personality. I personally find this as very insulting and offensive, so I would never do that*.


If you don't mind explaining, isn't this a bit contradictory? Or are you implying something on the lines of 'i can but i don't'


----------



## YoungBlood41

For me, having sex is a way of getting to know a person. If we aren't compatible in the bedroom, that is a big issue. I'm pretty open minded as well, and have still had sexual incompatibilities with people. Feelings, for me, take months to develop, and even longer for me to be ready to express them. Having a high sex drive, there is no way I'm going to be able to abstain for months in order to hit some marker in a relationship before being physical.


----------



## Strelok

YoungBlood41 said:


> For me, having sex is a way of getting to know a person. If we aren't compatible in the bedroom, that is a big issue. I'm pretty open minded as well, and have still had sexual incompatibilities with people. Feelings, for me, take months to develop, and even longer for me to be ready to express them. Having a high sex drive, there is no way I'm going to be able to abstain for months in order to hit some marker in a relationship before being physical.


I'd like to get to know you better.


----------



## YoungBlood41

Strelok said:


> I'd like to get to know you better.


I am quite fascinating! Despite the ISTJ stereotype of being boring!


----------



## Strelok

YoungBlood41 said:


> I am quite fascinating! Despite the ISTJ stereotype of being boring!


Well, you probably live far away from me... and are in a relationship


----------



## Grandmaster Yoda

Sometimes I like neither.


----------



## YoungBlood41

Strelok said:


> Well, you probably live far away from me... and are in a relationship


Oh, yes! Definite yes to both of those things, heh.


----------



## Calpan1832

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> So ive noticed that in other subforums that certain types say that they will develop loving feelings after have had a sexual relationship with someone, what are your opinions on this? does it happen?


Clearly a no for me, I will not get involved until there is a possibility of something substantial. I haven't tried this but it is highly unlikely that I will develop something after the sex. --> Observe--Analyze-->Engage
And not the other way round, just my opinion.


----------



## Magnus von Grapple

Not really. If I begin to develop feelings after sex, it's probably because I was going to develop them regardless. If I'm sleeping with someone I already care for, then it can strengthen our bond. But casual sex is just that, casual sex. I force myself to not confuse infatuation with other feelings.

edit: oops, wrong subforum for me.


----------



## Aquamarine

Random INTP intruder. Yes, it's very likely to happen. If you don't want to develop feelings for a FWB then go for one-night stands or escorts.


----------



## Inveniet

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> So ive noticed that in other subforums that certain types say that they will develop loving feelings after have had a sexual relationship with someone, what are your opinions on this? does it happen?


Loving feelings are not dependent on the sexual act for me.
I can develop them both before, during and after.
I'm like a damn kinderegg in the loving department.


----------



## Kitty.diane

Aquamarine said:


> Random INTP intruder. Yes, it's very likely to happen. If you don't want to develop feelings for a FWB then go for one-night stands or escorts.


Random ENFP intruder! I like the INTP opinion and will add that you can just develop different kinda of feelings for a FWB than you would for a romantic interest. Just keep them friend zoned and discuss each other's dating lives. Keeps everything in perspective! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------

