# Types and eye contact



## Casss (Feb 9, 2014)

I've been gone for a while but I thought of an interesting question.

How does each type feel about eye contact during conversation? As an xSTP I tend to look people in the eyes when I have the desire to know them better, but often find they look away quickly. Those that maintain eye contact for a while usually look away before I do. 

With people I don't really care about I won't look them in the eyes as much, as I tend to search the scenery behind them or observe the other conversations around me while they speak to me.

But anyways I would like to hear from all the types how they feel about eye contact and where they look during conversations.


----------



## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

Depends on context. If I'm sitting at a table with them and we're facing each other, I prefer eye contact.

If they're driving, I'd like them to keep their eyes on the road.


----------



## perpetuallyreticent (Sep 24, 2014)

It makes me uncomfortable to maintain eye contact for too long. My boyfriend (Who is an ExTP) never breaks eye contact and even with him it makes me kind of uneasy. I will look away when he's on one of his long tangents for a split second and then look back, but even with what I manage to muster up as far as consistent eye contact goes makes me feel weird.


----------



## LittleHawk (Feb 15, 2011)

I dont make a lot of eye contact because it tends to distract me and while I am composing my thoughts and replies I prefer to concentrate. If I am listening then I tend to make eye contact to re assure the person speaking that I am listening to them. 

Eye contact can also be something I avoid if there are intense feelings involved that I'd feel uncomfortable giving away or reading in someone elses expression.

I've noticed the intp's I know have pretty shifty eye contact too.


----------



## Another Lost Cause (Oct 6, 2015)

I tend to focus on the eyes. Sometimes I find myself focusing my gaze completely on one of their eyes.


----------



## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

i focus on the eyes
it help me in determining their truthfulness/sincerity


----------



## sinaasappel (Jul 22, 2015)

I usually give eye contact, especially to adults, (not because i'm supposed to *Scoffs* :laughing its usually to figure out their character or if they're lying.
If I give less eye contact its because I either am thinking or just plain distracted.
if i'm staring i'm not even on this planet


----------



## Saturnian Devil (Jan 29, 2013)

I am usually thinking a lot, so my eyes can get rather shifty. If I'm focusing on something, chances are I'm in deep thought or whatever/whoever I'm looking at is interesting enough.


----------



## Zelian (Nov 21, 2015)

I can give eye contact when needed BUT I do look away a fair bit (I saw a video on youtube said its to compile what you are going to say next think was an INFJ one not to sure will try find it) but not obvious then look back to the person it also depends on the situation.... but generally thats what I do btw I drift between INTP/INTJ/INFJ lol


----------



## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Kinda like you said. 

I am intense with eye contact if theres something or someone drawing me in. People have said it freaks them out if I stare them down or look that intently. I think I pierce thru them kinda like I am seeing right thru them. 

But like you the above is more circumstantial. More often then not I am looking around at environment with just random conversing. Like in general conversation I tend to look around more. For one when I am gathering my thoughts in those scenarios I seem to almost need to look away to have it process and filter proper. But like just one on one in a scenario I am more interested in, I seem more intently focused. 

I know I can have the ability to have both a very animated face as well as poker face depending usually on how enthused I am.


----------



## LostScrew (Jun 26, 2015)

I'm rarely the one to initiate it, but if someone's speaking to me, then I maintain eye contact until they finish speaking. I turn away to think until I know what to say, since looking at people tends to distract me from my train of thought more often than not.

When it's my turn to speak, I snap back into contact to let them know I'm talking to them since it apparently gets the message across better.


----------



## bruh (Oct 27, 2015)

So so


----------



## Kerik_S (Aug 26, 2015)

I'm used to processing my thoughts alone, so fixing my eyes in one position would impede my thought process.


----------



## nichya (Jul 12, 2014)

I feel like people staring in my eyes the whole time are absolutely intrusive, I don't enjoy it when it is prolonged. I usually take a glance and escape my eyes. If I feel I must maintain eye contact, I do, like talking in a professional environment. When people do maintain eye contact, it feels as if they are intruding my -space- However when I am being drawn to a person, introverted person, my eyes get locked to their and I have to remind myself to break contact. Well was an INFJ actually. Se eye contact feels so sharp, uncomfortable, has an animalistic pull which I refuse as if they are stripping you or something -_-' Extroverts stare in your eyes but lacks that deep connection so I actually get quite disturbed. Then there was this ENFJ who wouldn't stop asking why I escape my eyes, said it feels as if my brain works different, that I am special, which I wanted to scream that he was being too intrusive but I mumbled something like, yea I am very distracted then he answered do you have ADHD or something? facepalm* Then there is the introvert who tries so hard to maintain eye-contact they pop their eyes but it feels out of synch, yea those prolly learnt it from a professional workshop


----------



## Kerik_S (Aug 26, 2015)

nichya said:


> I feel like people staring in my eyes the whole time are absolutely intrusive, I don't enjoy it when it is prolonged. I usually take a glance and escape my eyes. If I feel I must maintain eye contact, I do, like talking in a professional environment. When people do maintain eye contact, it feels as if they are intruding my -space- However when I am being drawn to a person, introverted person, my eyes get locked to their and I have to remind myself to break contact. Well was an INFJ actually. Se eye contact feels so sharp, uncomfortable, has an animalistic pull which I refuse as if they are stripping you or something -_-' Extroverts stare in your eyes but lacks that deep connection so I actually get quite disturbed. Then there was this ENFJ who wouldn't stop asking why I escape my eyes, said it feels as if my brain works different, that I am special, which I wanted to scream that he was being too intrusive but I mumbled something like, yea I am very distracted then he answered do you have ADHD or something? facepalm* Then there is the introvert who tries so hard to maintain eye-contact they pop their eyes but it feels out of synch, yea those prolly learnt it from a professional workshop


People are so funny in how they try and make everything One-Size-Fits-All.

I work around the eye-contact thing by looking at the side of their eye sockets, just slightly to the left or right that I'm looking at the inner-corner of one eye, so one of their ears is closer to the center of my vision than the other ear.

I then, even though my gaze is fixed on the corner of one of their eye sockets, focus my attention on the periphery of my vision that includes the more-centered ear.

*point of gaze with the eyes, physically
**where the focus of one's attention is with their mind, mentally
within the peripheral vision, but paid zero attention and blocked-out mentally*
*__|__ = an object next to the person 

d(o,,o)b __|__* <-- Straight on, "normal people eye contact"

*d(o,,o)b __|__* <-- Kerik_S's , "introverted life-hack cheating mechanism"

　

If I do the straight-on thing, their eyes and my thoughts about them-as-people (Fe and unconscious Fi) distract me a lot.

If I do my little cheat-to-the-side/focus-on-the-peripheral-vision thing, I'm still _looking like I'm adhering to the social norm (_which is all that matters in the workplace = _*perception*). _And I can actually focus better on what they're telling me.


----------



## SilverKelpie (Mar 9, 2015)

Any more than brief eye contact tends to make me feel like I'm being hunted. It's very distracting.


----------



## ENTPness (Apr 18, 2015)

Look at people who are talking to you and when you're talking to them. Trust me when I say that avoiding eye contact makes you come off as a lot less confident and a lot more awkward.


----------



## mirrorghost (Sep 18, 2012)

it depends on the person i'm talking to usually. a close friend or family member is much easier to make eye contact with than a stranger or coworker. i also have to look up or to the side when i am trying to articulate things at times (i know that's different but in an extended conversation, i will go back and forth between that and eye contact.)


----------



## Kerik_S (Aug 26, 2015)

ENTPness said:


> Look at people who are talking to you and when you're talking to them. Trust me when I say that avoiding eye contact makes you come off as a lot less confident and a lot more awkward.


Clearly not. Because when people insist on eye-contact with me, it feels invasive. And when they try too hard to keep eye contact when they don't want to, _that_ strikes me as a lack of confidence and simply pandering to social norms.

The simple fact that one person (me) feels differently about people who don't make eye contact that another person feels about it (you), means that your universal claim is false.

Other people in this thread have also given examples of not liking eye contact. Valuing eye contact at all costs seems too rigid to be anything other than an arbitrary social rule, rooted in a culture's idea of "right" with nothing inherently universal about it.

When I'm cuddling with someone, I'm not gonna crane my neck around to look them in the eyes during pillow talk, even if what we're talking about it obviously important to both of us. Being that unnatural and mechanical during moments of intimacy doesn't magically make me feel closer to them. And I'd hope they didn't just make universal assumptions about what I want and lock eyes with me when they don't want to, at the expense of just talking to me in the way that's natural to them.

Eye contact has nothing to do with confidence. Adhering to it only proves that you can read some unwritten rules of communication that anyone with an ounce of intuition has readily available as a sort of "playbook". It's a rule, not something hardwired into us.


----------



## Kerik_S (Aug 26, 2015)

@ENTPness :

And some people find awkwardness more endearing than roteness.


----------

