# Having a shared mental & emotional connection vs having shared interests & lifestyle?



## cavarice (Jan 30, 2010)

*Having a shared mental & emotional connection vs having shared interests & lifestyle?*

When forming relationships with people, do you find that it is more important for you to be on a similar 
"wavelength" with someone, or is it more important for you to share common interests and hobbies? 

An extremely common scenario in my life is that people who share my interests and lifestyle usually end up being people I am unable to relate to in any way, and yet I often have encounters with people whose lifestyles are very _dissimilar_, and yet have mindmate-like connections with these people. 

When I was younger, I had a naive notion that people who share my interest in life must do so because of other personality similarities, and that I would be more lilely to find someone I could connect with via a common activity. This has been proven incorrect for me too many times to count, however.


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## Solace (Jan 12, 2010)

For me being on the same wavelength as someone else is vital. I like to be me and for that to happen the other person and I have to understand each other, especially when it comes to humor. I am quite rough around the edges and find that people that are not on the same wavelength as I, or that simply don't _want_ to be, will take what I say the wrong way, or purposefully and incorrectly characterize a situation.

As well, I find that experiencing life with someone who has similar, but perhaps very different tastes as I helps to open me up to new things that perhaps I normally wouldn't try. Finding someone who has vastly different tastes, but is understanding and able to be related to, is the greatest of learning experiences.

Edit: I suppose to summarize one could say that I am at my best when I have a foil to compliment my personality as mine would be to them.


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## The Psychonaut (Oct 29, 2009)

Wavelength definitely...

in fact, if i connected with people via shared interests and hobbies, most of my friends would be brain dead.

Of course they are always mutually exclusive, in fact the real magic happens when you share both.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

cavarice said:


> When forming relationships with people, do you find that it is more important for you to be on a similar
> "wavelength" with someone, or is it more important for you to share common interests and hobbies?
> 
> An extremely common scenario in my life is that people who share my interests and lifestyle usually end up being people I am unable to relate to in any way, and yet I often have encounters with people whose lifestyles are very _dissimilar_, and yet have mindmate-like connections with these people.
> ...


I believe people who are on a similar wavelength will be more or less inclined to share interests. This allows for two people to connect. So yeah, to some extent, I'm inclined to believe it goes hand in hand. Of course, this doesn't mean they'll share all interests or pursue similar hobbies or careers - but there's a high chance they'll enjoy interaction due to some common ground to begin with. The rest is individual.

I think what you refer to represents the ability of people to connect on different types of shared wavelengths. 

An example would be that I would find people who pursue the same study as I do tedious, as I'm already occupied by and so well learnt in this field, while I may find someone who does "opposite" studies more appealing due to the different perspective this person allows my eyes to see. What could sustain a relationship like this is indeed a similar level of f.e. intelligence (I assume this is what happens in most cases anyways though I can't say that I think 'intelligence' is all there is to it [plus you can categorize types of intelligences, too]... I just used the most obvious example).


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## walkawaysun09 (Mar 13, 2010)

I think wavelength is very important, but interests are also a good thing. It's nice to have at least one or two things you both like as "common ground" because otherwise you might wind up having a hard time being around each other.


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## Just_Some_Guy (Oct 8, 2009)

"Both" is clearly optimal, but I would have to say that I would rather have similar interests. That way, as estranged an isolated as you may feel, you'll always have something to do together. This seems preferable over being on the same wavelength, but not having anything to do. Again, a combination of these is optimal.


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## OmarFW (Apr 8, 2010)

I want both. Hence why I am still single.


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## Moon Pix (Sep 19, 2009)

Being on the same wavelength is by far more important to me. Wether somebody likes the Jesus & Mary Chain or not has nothing to do with their values or the way they treat other people in my experience.

However I must add that I do enjoy a persons company a lot more if we have a similar sense of humour. Humour is important to me.


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## Pacifique (Mar 31, 2010)

i don't care for either as long as the degree of mutual attraction is ridiculously intense, even and intact. 100% commitment but i wonder if that's possible? it should be. for some people. i hope i could be one of them. one day.


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## Proteus (Mar 5, 2010)

cavarice said:


> When I was younger, I had a naive notion that people who share my interest in life must do so because of other personality similarities, and that I would be more likely to find someone I could connect with via a common activity. This has been proven incorrect for me too many times to count, however.


This same thing happened with me. When I was younger I also figured that people who shared my interests, especially the less popular ones, would also be more inclined to share my same methods of thinking and personality type. While occasionally I did meet some people that fit into this category, a majority of those were the kind with whom I can discuss what ever common interests we have, but not much else. I think some of it has to do with lots of people not being able to differentiate a hobby from a lifestyle and forming an identity around it, rather than just looking at it as one of many interests to think about. This is why I have casual acquaintances but very few actual friends. 

When you connect with someone on a deeper mental level other things seem trivial. You'll always have topics to discuss and indulge in together because of this connection that you just can't get with anyone else, regardless of how many interests you might share.

To understand and be understood is the most important quality in any close relationship.


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## Thorgar (Apr 3, 2010)

Definitely shared mental and emotional connection. That's really what led me to follow up on the MBTI stuff more. Regardless of interests, I find a real connection with other NTs, and sometimes a strong emotional connection with INF*s.


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## Kitten (Mar 28, 2010)

I definitely value shared mental and emotional connection more. <3 Especially in a romantic relationship.

I think the mental and emotional connection is generally more long-term than a shared interests and lifestyle connection. Someone's interests can change very frequently over time, and sometimes you can even completely grow out of a past interest, but your emotional and overall mental mindset doesn't change so rapidly. (though it CAN change, of course)

It's true that the majority of friends I've made in school have come from a common activity/interest - band. But sometimes, as I observe other people in school that I'm not friends with, I always wonder what it would be like to get to know them and be friends with them... I'm always wondering about unknown people I'd click with because of an emotional/mental connection, but I'll never get to know them just because of our activity/lifestyle circumstances! ^^;;
I mean, all of us in band have that one big activity/interest in common, but that does not necessarily mean we all get along with each other. There are definitely rivalries and hatreds amongst people that are part of the same group.

Even despite completely different interests/activities/overall lifestyles, when two people have a good mental/emotional connection, they don't even need similar interests to be able to have something to talk about and get close with each other. :3


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

I agree with the majority of the responses here. Being on the same wavelength is much more important to me than having similar interests and/or lifestyles. If anything, being on the same wavelength and having different interests would make a relationship more interesting as it provides an opportunity to grow and learn new experiences from each other. Whereas being on different wavelengths will only make the relationship more grating to each other. 

As a side benefit, dating someone whom you share a chemistry with but have differing interests/lifestyles provides much more freedom when it comes to dating. Well, assuming you find it to relate with others. :happy:


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Mercurius said:


> I believe people who are on a similar wavelength will be more or less inclined to share interests. This allows for two people to connect.


The majority of the people I choose to surround myself with don't share most of my interests. But I suppose you could say we connect on a level.


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## Halloween Decor (May 29, 2009)

Proteus said:


> This same thing happened with me. When I was younger I also figured that people who shared my interests, especially the less popular ones, would also be more inclined to share my same methods of thinking and personality type. While occasionally I did meet some people that fit into this category, a majority of those were the kind with whom I can discuss what ever common interests we have, but not much else. I think some of it has to do with lots of people not being able to differentiate a hobby from a lifestyle and forming an identity around it, rather than just looking at it as one of many interests to think about. This is why I have casual acquaintances but very few actual friends.
> 
> When you connect with someone on a deeper mental level other things seem trivial. You'll always have topics to discuss and indulge in together because of this connection that you just can't get with anyone else, regardless of how many interests you might share.
> 
> To understand and be understood is the most important quality in any close relationship.


Yes, it seems that dating is in a decline.


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## thisisme (Apr 11, 2010)

wavelength is a lot more important to me as long as we enjoy each others company it doesn't matter to me if we share a lot of the same interests....would be cool but it's more rare to find someone on your wavelength i guess that's why i value it more.


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