# Why dont adults cry vocally?



## Tharwen (Mar 20, 2013)

this is a silly thread, but ive been seroiusly wondering why. do we become ashamed of doing it at certain age and thus stop? does this make our emotional expressions less pure than childrens?

on a side note.. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! =D (this is so lame =) )

i mean, imagine a world where it was normal to cry vocally. that adults would burst into full blown vocal crying when you insult their artistic skills.. =D


----------



## sly (Oct 8, 2011)

Ever seen a mother crying about her dead child? It is quite vocal if you ask me. I have seen it once, in a trip to Palestine, a 5y-old child getting killed by an Israeli soldier(shot through the chest).


----------



## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I cry vocally if I'm very distressed. I think most adults learn to repress themselves. Adults also don't laugh as much as children. I'm one of those annoying people who do inappropriate things like laugh and cry, my mother says there's something very freeing about being like me. 

I still have had a lot of "encouter group" therapy and yoga and stuff like that to open me up and keep me from shutting down, because I've had so much emotional trauma in my life that I've had to learn to manage it all, but in the process of all this, I think it's made me a very authentic and passionate person.

I know in yoga they try to get you to release things, like I started crying in a foward bend last evening, and your teachers will adjust you, but also go around touching you when you're in emo postures if they see you're "holding on to something."

Laughter yoga is the new big thing, to try to get people to laugh more. 

Socialization in the West is weird and half-assed. It teaches people to restrain themselves, but it also teaches them to control things that they should be letting go, which is bad.

I've been in Western therapy, but all of my "therapy" now has a distinctively Eastern vibe, though I'm trying to take a clue from CBT as well.

It's also partially simply having a mature, adult perspective, too. A child will feel like having a toy taken away is a tragedy, but an adult usually knows if they lose a small material object it can be quickly replaced, but may indeed cry loudly and vocally about a real tragedy.


----------



## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Silly you say? more like a valid question. As a man I tend to feel it is the fear of weakness perceived (a thinning of the herd if you will, letting predators know visually) and remnants of wartime 'stiff upper lip' attitudes suggesting that a child is expected to seek support or help but an adult is seen to be 'more self reliant by maturity defaults'.

I used to wonder the same things about what made women 'more likely to be expected to cry' and men more likely to front it out with alcohol or aggression but over time I came to realise so much is a societal construct of behaviours expected and a need for conformity in shared silence (well for men at least). I chose to break away from such things a year ago when my empathic-emotional side became more noticeable, coming to realise I was only hurting myself bottling emotions up so now I weep or cry in public if my heart feels the need (well I avoid the hassle by not doing such as in 'more manly places' but fear emotions much less as the less angry violent sort of man).


----------



## Glenda Gnome Starr (May 12, 2011)

I am very expressive and I cry vocally. I cry for sadness and I cry for joy and I cry at beauty. I cry when I see a sky full of stars or when I read a romantic poem. I cry when people I care about pass away or are sick. I cry when I see other people cry...
My feelings are always there, easy to see. It is just who I am...
I don't know if having an esfp personality type is part of that... but maybe it is... or maybe not... it's worth exploring...


----------



## Glenda Gnome Starr (May 12, 2011)

That poor family! What a horrifying story. I'm so sorry that such a terrible thing happened. Hugs.



sly said:


> Ever seen a mother crying about her dead child? It is quite vocal if you ask me. I have seen it once, in a trip to Palestine, a 5y-old child getting killed by an Israeli soldier(shot through the chest).


----------



## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)

I would think that one's tolerance/threshold for emotional pain increases as one matures, or more specifically, as one becomes more experienced. It's the same reason why an adult wouldn't find something as funny as they did when they were a kid.


----------



## milti (Feb 8, 2012)

I cry vocally but not as much anymore. There was this one phase where I used to cry in public _all the time_. I reserve my crying for my own room now, and I don't seem to be doing much of it, when at one point I had a regular weekly schedule. Even my best friends have forgotten they used to tease me saying I'm a cry baby.

I cry in anger more than anything else. Grief makes me numb, sadness makes me want to hide away and blink back my tears, but anger gets me going and my nose turns red and everyone knows I'm about to start screeching and crying at the same time.

I'm not sure what kind of therapy @_fourtines_ is referring to, but yes, in India we have Laughter Clubs that meet up at 6 in the morning and laugh out loud (with no provocation). Laughter is contagious. And then it releases stress and gives your day a good start, I guess. 

Indians (and the Eastern cultures in general, perhaps? I don't know...) are emotionally open, at least if you go by the movies and TV. Well, most families are huge joint ones, so every member of the family is involved in the smaller family's grief. My friends are very annoying, in that they cry and cry about graduating or moving away or having to part ways, when I seem to be totally unmoved by those sorts of things. I just can't emotionally connect to them on what I perceive to be trivial things, and I always conclude they're just indulging in all tht to make it a memorable day :tongue: 

In reality though, I don't actually KNOW anyone who cries for things like real sadness and beauty and empathy as much as I do. Even if I don't outwardly cry, there's usually a lump in my throat. People here are more resilient than I am. They've seen much worse than I have in their lives and have realised crying doesn't help.


----------



## AccioCookies (May 12, 2013)

Think way back to when you were small. You remember crying? What was the first thing you were asked? Or what's the first thing you ask when you come on a small child or relative crying. _What's wrong?_ Or some variation thereof. Did someone hurt you? Was someone being mean? Did you fall? I think we begin to associate tears with negative things. Then there are others, like when the crying is manipulation - I want a toy or candy, or I got in trouble. We tell them to dry those tears up right now. Kids start to hide it. I've seen it in preschoolers, though it's still mostly the exception (a lot of them will still weep loud, proud and openly).

I think it sticks with us into adulthood. Sure, we can cry when we're overwhelmed by emotion, but is it appropriate? No? Better cover my eyes and act like my contacts are bugging me. People will sometimes even apologize for it when they have a reason like a sick or recently passed relative. I don't think it necessarily makes our emotions less pure. It's more than likely more of a social construct, and not necessarily for the better.


----------



## Monsieur Melancholy (Nov 16, 2012)




----------



## Lilsnowy (Sep 9, 2009)

I think kids cry loudly because help comes from outside, from other people. A child's wailing is a call to action! "I need help!" "I need food!" or "He hit me!" It can also be manipulative. A child's loud crying when he wants something and is being told no can drive you up a wall. 

As adults, we are usually able to help ourselves, even in moments of deep grief, because we have learned that help comes from _within,_ instead of sending out a desperate cry that we are in distress. I find loud adult crying very disturbing. I can only recall it at a couple funerals where someone sobbed loudly when they saw the body. I think screaming or crying at the shock of a death or horrific loss is normal, but hopefully most of us will not have to experience either. If we do, who knows what our reaction might be.


----------



## Tharwen (Mar 20, 2013)

Monsieur Melancholy said:


> I would think that one's tolerance/threshold for emotional pain increases as one matures, or more specifically, as one becomes more experienced. It's the same reason why an adult wouldn't find something as funny as they did when they were a kid.


i think its simply that we dont allow ourselves to be that emotional.

ive found, that at times when im open to feelings, i react to things emotionally that i would consider silly, but at that point im past the useless criticism so it doesnt matter.

so i think its possible to become emotionally open like we were as children if you just work towards it.

its kind of funny, when i have broken the walls that block me from feelings, i can become kinda sad when someone leaves my company, which i would consider kinda posessive if i took that feeling seriously, but i dont, its just a feeling to give my life variety of experiences. so i think taking feelings too seriously will block them.


----------



## Swede (Apr 2, 2013)

I think that I just cry for very different reasons now compared to when I was a child. 

I seem to cry more for others than for myself now, if that makes sense? The last times I really cried hard were a couple of funerals, when one of my daughters fell and got hurt, when one of my colleagues ended up on the news for child abuse, and when the story about the kidnapping in Cleveland broke. Maybe we could call it "compassionate crying"?

I seldom cry out of frustration or anger nowadays. For me personally, life got a lot less dramatic and emotional once my hormones really settled (early- to mid-twenties?); it seems to take a long time for some of us women to get in balance with our complex hormones.

As an adult, I also cry out of joy, which is something I can't recall doing as a child (but I was not a real happy kid - but I was more angry than sad).

I try not to cry at work - ever! I work in a place where the vast majority are men and supposedly this is one of the "rules" that you have to follow in order to be respected by male colleagues (not sure if this is true). I guess that crying can be deemed as weakness or as drama by other people and most of us want to appear strong, at least in the professional space.

I generally try not to cry in front of other people, not even my immediate family. Not real sure why.


----------



## frenchie (Jul 7, 2011)

I don't know about you guys, but I can't stand vocal crying. 

My girlfriend does it from time to time and to me it's not only annoying but does absolutely nothing to solve the problem that is before us. 

I view crying as weakness. I know it sounds terrible, but that is how I register it. I don't remember ever feeling differently about it either. I just remember crying as a child and breaking a toy which i was trying to fix but because I was crying so much I took me twice as long to take care of it. 

From that point forward, I made it a habit to surpress that emotion and to remain as calm as possible. I've cried before but that wailing thing never happens. I just silently bear the burden and move on as time always has.


----------



## TwistedMuses (May 20, 2013)

I'm not yet an adult (19yo), but I cry vocally almost always, unless I am in school/public place. My throat starts to tingle and hurt If I cry silently... A really uncomfortable feeling I must say. I feel relieved after crying out for a few minutes.


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Tharwen said:


> this is a silly thread, but ive been seroiusly wondering why. do we become ashamed of doing it at certain age and thus stop? does this make our emotional expressions less pure than childrens?
> 
> on a side note.. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! =D (this is so lame =) )
> 
> i mean, imagine a world where it was normal to cry vocally. that adults would burst into full blown vocal crying when you insult their artistic skills.. =D


..obvously..


----------



## Codera (Jan 2, 2013)

Probably because it's considered immature and unprofessional for adults to do so in public, that's why we don't see as many of them crying vocally.


----------



## secret asian dan (Jul 22, 2013)

It's a generation thing. Those older than I, (I'm 32), either came from a generation or were raised by a generation where men don't cry. 

It could also be viewed as being socially, or personally weak. In this society, its not good to appear as 'weak' in front of others. If kindness is viewed as a weakness, imagine how good crying would be. 

Sometimes, it's an inability to express emotions outwardly, towards others. We have grown accustomed to not depending on others in life. Crying is a way to express a great emotional release. But, we have learned to be 'closed off' and unable to feel comfortable expressing ourselves in that way. 

If you don't cry, you should. The body needs the emotional release. If you do cry, don't cry to get attention.


----------



## blit (Dec 17, 2010)

Ever been to a funeral?


----------



## Forget (Jun 26, 2012)

Well, I just feel really weak and exposed if I were to do that. Also my father raised me to not to show any negative feeling whatsoever, but I wouldn't blame that. Aand I can't even cry vocally. For others, might be social pressure etc.


----------



## Aenye (Jul 13, 2013)

Tharwen said:


> this is a silly thread, but ive been seroiusly wondering why. do we become ashamed of doing it at certain age and thus stop? does this make our emotional expressions less pure than childrens?
> 
> on a side note.. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! =D (this is so lame =) )
> 
> i mean, imagine a world where it was normal to cry vocally. that adults would burst into full blown vocal crying when you insult their artistic skills.. =D



Socially unacceptable because:
1. Nobody cares about your feelings. Yet people hold on to the illusion of humanity and false morale; when you cry you put them in uncomfortable position of having to deal with you or losing that mask.
2. Too touchy-feely gets in the way.


Note: Babies don't sound any better doing their waaaaaah and I don't find them any more tolerable.


----------



## Destiny Lund (Sep 2, 2011)

fourtines said:


> I cry vocally if I'm very distressed. I think most adults learn to repress themselves. Adults also don't laugh as much as children. I'm one of those annoying people who do inappropriate things like laugh and cry, my mother says there's something very freeing about being like me.
> 
> I still have had a lot of "encouter group" therapy and yoga and stuff like that to open me up and keep me from shutting down, because I've had so much emotional trauma in my life that I've had to learn to manage it all, but in the process of all this, I think it's made me a very authentic and passionate person.
> 
> ...



Well said! You covered pretty much everything. I'm in the West & I couldn't agree more. 
Personally, I don't see crying as a shameful thing at all, but I see it as something personal. I don't like people being next to me when I cry just as I don't like people being next to me when I pray, read, or go to the bathroom. Laughing is different for me though for some reason. One of societal influences I despise the most in America is how strongly people & the media are against men crying(public or private). It makes me want to strangle the bunch that started pushing this idea. LOL


----------

