# Dealing with jealous people



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

Anyone know how to deal with jealous people?

I don't mean to toot my own horn but the only real problem I have in life is jealous people who get in the way of my dreams and try to tear me down. It sucks. If I'm doing something I enjoy, I'll get rude remarks at least once a week from SOMEONE. I'm hanging out at dinner with a bunch of lady friends, the waitress comes over and says with a contemptuous tone, "what do you want, hotshot." In the office someone will spread rumors about me and turn the office against me for seemingly no "apparent" reason. Its an epidemic. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm a nice guy. I don't get it. One time I tried offering a jealous person help with what they were doing but took it as an insult.

What do you think?


----------



## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Don't give people a reason to want to disrespect you. Show people respect, and if they don't return that respect, that's more of a reflection of what type of people they are. Jelly peoples is everywhere. Pity the jealous ones. They're wasting their time and focus on trying to get to you when they could be doing things to improve themselves and become who they want to become. It's kind of sad actually. That's how I think of it at least. In the meantime, just do you  It's your world, and your world is run by your rules. If you don't like other peoples' behaviours, you can confront them about it. I don't suggest letting the frustration build up inside. Just be direct with others. Put the rumors to rest and try to talk things out with the person who started them. Kill 'em with kindness.


----------



## donkeybals (Jan 13, 2011)

Hmm. As @Ace Face's signature suggest, haters gonna' hate.  *Shrugs* It's a part of life, I suppose. However, I think Ace gave pretty decent advice. You might want to surround yourself, with people who are secure with themselves. Focus on dealing with up beat positive people at work, if possible. Also, one thing, you might want to try, is humility. Even though, you're a nice guy, it may come off as one of those "Oh this mother fucker thinks he's so good, I'm not taking his help" type of a deal. I've seen it before. Typically, I help people who I think would want it.

Luckily, I've never faced work related rumors (that I know of lol). I'd imagine, that's tough to work with. If it were me, I'd try to focus on the person who is the main cause of the problem. Typically, with things like this, there is one ring leader, and the rest follow along. So find the rumor ring leader, (haha) and confront them. That's what I would do at least.

Also, last thing, you really going to take a rude waitress to heart? Lol. Not the smartest thing in the world to do, after all you control her tip!


----------



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

Ha, well in that situation I wasn't paying for the meal. But its possible someone else may have dinged her.

Thanks for the advice. Yeah I guess if this were easy to deal with life would be peachy keen and simple.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Jealously = Toxic = run for your life . I know what it feels like to have jealous people in my surroundings. Ignore them, they eventually realize they can never be a carbon copy of you and flee onto the next person they hope to become, rolls eyes. I don't have any other advice, i think Ace face summed it up pretty nicely.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I was having this problem a lot a while back. It happens to me from time to time but a few months ago, it rained and really poured jealous haters. Sometimes I stg its the alignment of the planets or something of an equally unstoppable and mysterious deterministic force. Sometimes old haters even contact me out of the blue because I have been on their mind. I hate that. 

But anyway, theres one woman who has had this weird attachment to me, love/hate, envy/repulsion sort of thing, obsessed and always trying to find ways to pull the rug out from under me, always looking on waiting for the chance. Then there were petty little bitches in the new environment I moved to, just doing the typical petty bitch looks, gossip.. and I stg I went there being as polite and nice as I could be from the get-go because I know how these things happen to me. There were also two people I'd recently become friends with in an online community, one was male, the other was female, he felt rejected by me romantically (I had no idea he was even interested or that he thought I could be in that way) and she was jealous of attention she perceived that I got (I really just thought we were a bunch of people having fun). Well, so they got together to trash talk me, after I had been nothing but nice to them, helping them with their anxiety problems (both 6s). I was -floored- but as I read more of their conversation (which someone sent to me) I saw that it was absolutely about jealousy. It hurt. I actually cried, because these were two people that I'd invested in, emotionally, thinking they were new actual friends. They had even accused me of witchcraft for fucks fucking sake. Seriously. Then there was another new male friend who reamed me out because I wasn't interested in him basically.. This all happened in a short time span.. an attack from the obsessed woman, the bitches in the new environment, the two faux friends, and the guy. Oh, -edit- I left one out. So I told a group of people about what the two knuckleheads did - the ones who accused me of witchcraft, and this one lady said that I deserved it because I probably did lead someone on.. yanno.. because I'm me! (I wrote a long post about this blaming my sx variant in part. I know I had absolutely not said or done anything inappropriate to lead any of them to think I was interested. And I was very angry upon being reminded that some people of the opposite sex think that because you're simply talking to them that you have somehow signed a contract saying you'll at least give them a chance romantically. Am I not just a person.. can I not just talk to others without them assuming I have to have it cross my mind that perhaps I would date him simply because hes a guy. x_x)

So all of this snowballed and I had a mini-breakdown. The only conclusion I could possibly come to is ignore them. They are petty clinging parasites. They will do things to work against you, but if your character is solid, then you will stand up no matter how much they try to tarnish your reputation.

(I just had some of my room mates really fucking strong coffee.. I probably wouldn't have typed this out so extensively if not for that. Sry for the tl;dr response. I could have just said: ignore the fuckers.)


----------



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

Yeah, well I bet women would have a more difficult time with jealousy than men just for being attractive. That sucks. I've had women tell me about how other women are whores etc. Typical sign that girl is interested in you, haha.

Yeah the easiest way to deal with it is to be a recluse. I wonder if this is why some STP's will venture off into the mountains to live by themselves in seclusion and ultimately hate all people. From my perspective it seems like cowardice and I've even thought about it myself at times. But I'd rather find a way to fight through it, or somehow learn how to predict it.

@MuChApArAdOx... its easier said than done to just "ignore" them. Typically they make themselves known to you and stand in your way at all costs, like a bad disease that won't go away. Just how long does it take for them to go away?


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Idan of Europa said:


> Yeah, well I bet women would have a more difficult time with jealousy than men just for being attractive. That sucks. I've had women tell me about how other women are whores etc. Typical sign that girl is interested in you, haha.
> 
> Yeah the easiest way to deal with it is to be a recluse. I wonder if this is why some STP's will venture off into the mountains to live by themselves in seclusion and ultimately hate all people. From my perspective it seems like cowardice and I've even thought about it myself at times. But I'd rather find a way to fight through it, or somehow learn how to predict it.
> 
> @MuChApArAdOx... its easier said than done to just "ignore" them. Typically they make themselves known to you and stand in your way at all costs, like a bad disease that won't go away. Just how long does it take for them to go away?


It was easy for me because people i valued could see that too. I disconnected from them entirely, pronto. I know that no good can come from someone that has this deep seed of envy, we will never click. Personally i'm not typically a jealous person, i don't see any value in it for me, i've seen enough of it around me to know it can bring nothing but negative energy. The reasoning behind the behaviour doesn't commute with their perception , therefore i choose not to tolerate it. I may not be able to change their flawed perception, although i can remove myself from things that don't "fly" with me personally.


----------



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> It was easy for me because people i valued could see that too.


"that?"

as;dlfkajs;dflkajsd;flkasjdf


----------



## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Idan of Europa said:


> Anyone know how to deal with jealous people?
> 
> I don't mean to toot my own horn but the only real problem I have in life is jealous people who get in the way of my dreams and try to tear me down. It sucks. If I'm doing something I enjoy, I'll get rude remarks at least once a week from SOMEONE. I'm hanging out at dinner with a bunch of lady friends, the waitress comes over and says with a contemptuous tone, "what do you want, hotshot." In the office someone will spread rumors about me and turn the office against me for seemingly no "apparent" reason. Its an epidemic. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm a nice guy. I don't get it. One time I tried offering a jealous person help with what they were doing but took it as an insult.
> 
> What do you think?


Are you insinuating that you have more people jealous of you than what other people experience?


----------



## Le Beau Coeur (Jan 30, 2011)

There are always going to be jealous/envious people waiting to attack. Just ignore them and keep being amazing.


----------



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

Cleo said:


> Are you insinuating that you have more people jealous of you than what other people experience?


No. I'm insinuating that I have no problems except dealing with jealous people in my life (and the isolation that results). But if it so happens to be that I have more than most, then so be it.


----------



## Cleo (Jan 31, 2011)

Idan of Europa said:


> No. I'm insinuating that I have no problems except dealing with jealous people in my life (and the isolation that results). But if it so happens to be that I have more than most, then so be it.


And you are sure that they are jealous and its not that you behave in a way that asserts that you believe people should be jealous of you, therefore making people want to puke and avoid feeding into it by going out of their way to not feed into it, possibly by being rude? I'm just trying to get the facts here before I give advice.


----------



## nonnaci (Sep 25, 2011)

Surround yourself with better people.


----------



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

I watched a video of myself while practicing gymnastics and I think I know what it is.

I have this "smirK" that looks like it could piss people off. Its a smirk that could imply arrogance or "I'm better than everyone" without really meaning to. I've seen it in other people and I kinda look at them with disdain up until I meet them and realize they're actually pretty awesome and they know it. So if that's the issue then I suppose its possible this is most of the problem.

I am very proud of myself and what I"m capable of, and I'm very aware of what I'm capable and INCAPABLE of and there is something about that that rubs people the wrong way.


----------



## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

I had a jealous friend a while back, who would compete with me and pull me down. Well, she wasnt much of a friend to be honest. I kept the friendship because I felt sorry for her, for various reasons. I didn't realise it was jealousy, until she started to become nasty. 

I found her really pathetic, and one night when she rang me telling me how sad my life was, I decided our 'friendship' was over. She was toxic. I suggest to ditch them. I kept that friend for over 7 years, and she just made my life unnecessarily stressful. 

Jealous people are just insecure.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

firedell said:


> I had a jealous friend a while back, who would compete with me and pull me down. Well, she wasnt much of a friend to be honest. I kept the friendship because I felt sorry for her, for various reasons. I didn't realise it was jealousy, until she started to become nasty.
> 
> I found her really pathetic, and one night when she rang me telling me how sad my life was, I decided our 'friendship' was over. She was toxic. I suggest to ditch them. I kept that friend for over 7 years, and she just made my life unnecessarily stressful.
> 
> Jealous people are just insecure.


I've be surrounded by jealous women my whole life, such a turn off, just yuck. Needless to say, i gave them the boot years ago.

I recently met a new jealous women, OMG, the envy is over the top. I haven't known her long, so i keep my distance. I have seen such odd behaviour that made my hair stand on ends, literally. Toxic is a perfect word to use here, not only are they their own worse enemy, then can leave a toxic trail where ever they go. Good for you ditching her, she doesn't deserve your friendship. I've met some angry, mean, ugly, disrespectful people in my life, but believe me when i say this, jealous envious people are the worse in ever sense of the word. They need help, seriously.


----------



## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> I've be surrounded by jealous women my whole life, such a turn off, just yuck. Needless to say, i gave them the boot years ago.
> 
> I recently met a new jealous women, OMG, the envy is over the top. I haven't known her long, so i keep my distance. I have seen such odd behaviour that made my hair stand on ends, literally. Toxic is a perfect word to use here, not only are they their own worse enemy, then can leave a toxic trail where ever they go. Good for you ditching her, she doesn't deserve your friendship. I've met some angry, mean, ugly, disrespectful people in my life, but believe me when i say this, jealous envious people are the worse in ever sense of the word. They need help, seriously.


I don't know why people act like that.

I started to believe that I might deserved what she did to me. People even made me feel bad for suggesting she was jealous of me. Making me look like the bad guy. And I have seen a couple if people (or was it the same person) say similar things in this thread. 

Sometimes people are malicious because they are jealous, but of course to think that you must be big headed, right?


----------



## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

@Idan of Europa are you a type 3 by any chance?


----------



## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

I encounter jealousy as well. I believe sometimes the more independent you are, the more people assume you are an arrogant asshole who think they're better than everyone.

Usually a person who gets jealous of an independent person is a person who is co-dependent. A co-dependent person is a dangerous person to be around. 

It's hard when you're very nature is independent to also project an image of approachability or humility. 

Some of the things I do to seem more "Down to earth"

- Say hi to everyone
- Smile at everyone if we happen to make eye contact
- Ask questions. If someone tells me something, I make a point to ask at least one question about it.
- in a work setting, I try to show I care about them personally. If I know someone dislikes me, I'll usually make a point to stop by their desk and say hello. Ask how their weekend was and if they're having a good day. I give that a go for a month or two. Take care not to share much personal information about yourself, because as I mentioned, a jealous person is dangerous. But do make friendly effort. I actually have overcome 3 people who hated my guts by simply pursuing civil polite interaction with them every day.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

firedell said:


> I don't know why people act like that.
> 
> I started to believe that I might deserved what she did to me. People even made me feel bad for suggesting she was jealous of me. Making me look like the bad guy. And I have seen a couple if people (or was it the same person) say similar things in this thread.
> 
> Sometimes people are malicious because they are jealous, but of course to think that you must be big headed, right?


Yes, i've been accused of my ego getting the best of me, people aren't jealous at all, whatever. I'm not stupid, i can see through actions and behaviours of people. We don't deserve any negative actions due to the envy of others. I don't feel like the bad guy either, i let me natural instincts tell me what is really going on. I love this quote:




> Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the biggest fool of all? Is it the girl who cant stop crying, or maybe the girl who kept on trying?


They can try to bring you down, but.....only if you let them. Keep your head held high, nose to the ceiling, walk on by


----------



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

viva said:


> @_idan of europa_ are you a type 3 by any chance?


estp 8 .


----------



## Le Beau Coeur (Jan 30, 2011)

Idan of Europa said:


> estp 8 .



You are ESTP? No wonder. ESTPs are so outrageously fabulous! I see many people envying them as ESTPs are out of this world!


----------



## DJArendee (Nov 27, 2009)

hmm, well I am fabulous...

so what exactly is it? My self confidence?

People keep telling me I should be humble, or to stop being arrogant etc. It doesn't make any sense because I never say a damn word. Its all how they interpret my facial expressions or something.


----------



## Le Beau Coeur (Jan 30, 2011)

Idan of Europa said:


> hmm, well I am fabulous...
> 
> so what exactly is it? My self confidence?
> 
> People keep telling me I should be humble, or to stop being arrogant etc. It doesn't make any sense because I never say a damn word. Its all how they interpret my facial expressions or something.


That is one of the reasons why ESTP guys are so popular...their self confidence.


----------



## ENTPfemme (Mar 16, 2012)

Idan of Europa said:


> Anyone know how to deal with jealous people?
> 
> I don't mean to toot my own horn but the only real problem I have in life is jealous people who get in the way of my dreams and try to tear me down. It sucks. If I'm doing something I enjoy, I'll get rude remarks at least once a week from SOMEONE. I'm hanging out at dinner with a bunch of lady friends, the waitress comes over and says with a contemptuous tone, "what do you want, hotshot." In the office someone will spread rumors about me and turn the office against me for seemingly no "apparent" reason. Its an epidemic. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm a nice guy. I don't get it. One time I tried offering a jealous person help with what they were doing but took it as an insult.
> 
> What do you think?


I just love being hated for no reason. It's a hobby of mine too. It doesn't happen a ton, but the jealousy thing is really a big pet peeve when I get nailed for it. I had a close friend pull a bad moment on me, right after I found myself single and I was pretty numb. They really flipped on me, because of jealousy within themselves. I assured them, I was not interested in their HUSBAND EVER, IN A MILLION BILLION...well you get the point. I tried to be tactful, but wow, it was either insult their choice of mate, or look like I had a thing for the dude. Really freaking awkward. The guy, prob still doesn't know what his wife pulled. And I treat them both like good friends, but stay the &^&% away from him, I'm cool to him so she stays comfy. I feel bad for him. I think he innocently said something nice to her about me and she ran with it................way off into the distance..........


----------



## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

Sounds more like insecurity to me. On their end, I mean.
I'm you xSTP cousin obviously, and I get a bit of this, too. 
Runs in the family.

Now--I doubt they're "jealous" of me...I suspect they're really only pathetic or insecure and need to take it out on someone. That's great and everything. I really don't care. I don't take people seriously and they generally hinder my daily routine. No biggie. I'm a master at handling it.

I use humor. NOTHING pisses these people off more than when you turn the joke on them.
I'm not incendiary, only dismissive. Kind of like: "Is there a reason you're still here bothering me?"

It's fun, you can even make a game out of it.
If it is just a bit of harmless banter, I take it all in stride.

But honestly, I'm really only waiting for them to take the hint and leave my presence. 
Don't need them around.

Ugh.


----------



## CrabbyPaws (Mar 5, 2012)

Ignore them. Don't feed fuel to the fire. That is all.


----------

