# Fe and compliments



## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

If you're a dom or aux Fe, are you more prone to giving compliments?

If you're a tertiary or inferior Fe, is it rare for you to give compliments?


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## The Portia Spider (Aug 10, 2014)

INFJ.

I compliment people for various reasons. But overall I've found compliments to be a very powerful tool in that they have the potential to turn a life around. I use compliments in a variety of forms, some of which are smiles, kind words, simple touches.. A listening ear.. But they can also have a more negative slant: For example some cynics are prone to taking insults as compliments because opposition is the stance they take. 

It's kind of situational. So, I guess.. I provide the compliment in the form that the situation calls for.


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

Sometimes I give compliments... but usually not randomly. I can't see a girl looking good and tell her about it - that's awkward for me. But I will openly compliment someone in conversation? Like in writing class we go around and critique stories, and I a,ways give endless compliments even if I didn't like the story (and sometimes especially if I didn't like the story). And one time in Bible study we were talking about our spiritual flaws, and I commented how it was funny because I saw all the girls as really demonstrating what they thought they lacked, and I more or less went around the room and gave examples of that for them. I also give compliments when it's due in casual conversation ("you're just such a strong person." "You're so insightful," "you're so passionate, I know you're going to do well." I give more compliments on character traits I perceive as opposed to complimenting on looks or... whatever else people compliment on, I guess.


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## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

Thank you both @The Portia Spider and @alittlebear 

I asked because I wondered if Fe had any correlation with giving compliments, and I have long thought I was an INFJ, but I... never compliment people and functionally, that concerned me.


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

I imagine INFJs would be less inclined to compliment, especially ones in an Ni/Ti loop or especially introverted ones. I wouldn't just decide not to be an INFJ solely because you don't compliment others.... If it's not complimenting others on top of something else, maybe, but not if it's _just_ because you don't compliment people a whole lot. You're probably not an ENFJ, but there's still a pretty good chance you could be an INFJ (I think).


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## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

alittlebear said:


> I imagine INFJs would be less inclined to compliment, especially ones in an Ni/Ti loop or especially introverted ones. I wouldn't just decide not to be an INFJ solely because you don't compliment others.... If it's not complimenting others on top of something else, maybe, but not if it's _just_ because you don't compliment people a whole lot. You're probably not an ENFJ, but there's still a pretty good chance you could be an INFJ (I think).


I understand what you mean.

I wasn't thinking it was just that, but I thought maybe it could have something to do with it, or at least be some sort of indicator - I think I might have a very poorly developed Fe. 

I learned recently that I'm not Ni at all... Totally Ne. 

Thank you for your input, it's much appreciated.


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## Pressed Flowers (Oct 8, 2014)

tiredsighs said:


> I understand what you mean.
> 
> I wasn't thinking it was just that, but I thought maybe it could have something to do with it, or at least be some sort of indicator - I think I might have a very poorly developed Fe.
> 
> ...


Hmm... so I'm supposing you're between ISFJ and xNTP, if you've recognized you have extroverted intuition but also think you just have poor Fe?

And I can really see where you're coming from in regards to being confused, especially about your own dominant function. I was sure for so long that I was just pure Fi. Turns out that's not the case. 

Regardless, good luck finding your type! I know it can be confusing, but you'll figure it out in time.


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## guardian.bunny (Feb 8, 2015)

Mhm I tend to just have random things come to mind like "oh i really like her nail polish" and then i realize, hey, it would probably make her day at least a little bit better if i told her that rather than just thinking about it?

people often do really cool things or wear really great clothes but don't really think about it so it's great to point it out. i, for example, am never really sure if something looks good on me so it makes me especially happy when i wear something and someone else compliments me on it. i don't know if people like something and just don't bother to say it, because that's what i do a lot without realizing it and i try to compliment other people when i remember to.

Not sure if this has to do with Fe? Maybe?


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## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

guardian.bunny said:


> Mhm I tend to just have random things come to mind like "oh i really like her nail polish" and then i realize, hey, it would probably make her day at least a little bit better if i told her that rather than just thinking about it?
> 
> people often do really cool things or wear really great clothes but don't really think about it so it's great to point it out. i, for example, am never really sure if something looks good on me so it makes me especially happy when i wear something and someone else compliments me on it. i don't know if people like something and just don't bother to say it, because that's what i do a lot without realizing it and i try to compliment other people when i remember to.
> 
> Not sure if this has to do with Fe? Maybe?


Wow, yeah, I don't do that. lol

Honestly, I don't see people and think things like "oh I really like her nail polish"!

I receive random, odd compliments at times and they really put me off... I don't know how to accept them, because my initial reaction is suspicion, which is a real pain.


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## guardian.bunny (Feb 8, 2015)

tiredsighs said:


> Wow, yeah, I don't do that. lol
> 
> Honestly, I don't see people and think things like "oh I really like her nail polish"!
> 
> I receive random, odd compliments at times and they really put me off... I don't know how to accept them, because my initial reaction is suspicion, which is a real pain.


huh, i guess i never thought about how people might find it suspicious. i generally only find it suspicious when it's something i'm uncertain on, particularly my character or skills, or when half say one thing and another half say something different. i'm always noticing cute stuff (i'm pretty into fashion and makeup) so maybe that's why i think about stuff like this more.

i dunno why people would choose to compliment me if they didn't really mean it though, so i don't really feel the need to be suspicious of other people. i mean, if they're doing it to get on my good side, then fine...?

there was one time, though, where i gave a speech to one person who said i looked very unconfident. the next day, i gave another speech to a different person, who said like "wow you've become more confident and i can see you becoming a really great speaker as long as you keep that up!"
i was really suspicious of that because i thought like, are you trying to do some reverse psychology stuff on me? if you compliment me on my confidence, is that supposed to make me more confident?
i asked my friend, though, and she did tell me that i appeared confident when i spoke. I find that strange and get really inconsistent comments. i do impromptu speeches so maybe it's just inconsistent in general depending on that particular speech.


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## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

guardian.bunny said:


> huh, i guess i never thought about how people might find it suspicious. i generally only find it suspicious when it's something i'm uncertain on, particularly my character or skills, or when half say one thing and another half say something different. i'm always noticing cute stuff (i'm pretty into fashion and makeup) so maybe that's why i think about stuff like this more.
> 
> i dunno why people would choose to compliment me if they didn't really mean it though, so i don't really feel the need to be suspicious of other people. i mean, if they're doing it to get on my good side, then fine...?
> 
> ...


Hmm... I guess since I'm not really into fashion or makeup I don't notice things like that, and therefore don't think to comment on them.

And I don't really know why I get suspicious... I guess it just makes me wonder why some people feel the need to comment on certain things. 

That is strange that you got inconsistent comments about your confidence though. Were the people commenting really in a position to judge that, or just felt like saying something?


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## guardian.bunny (Feb 8, 2015)

tiredsighs said:


> Hmm... I guess since I'm not really into fashion or makeup I don't notice things like that, and therefore don't think to comment on them.
> 
> And I don't really know why I get suspicious... I guess it just makes me wonder why some people feel the need to comment on certain things.
> 
> That is strange that you got inconsistent comments about your confidence though. Were the people commenting really in a position to judge that, or just felt like saying something?


oh no worries they were speech and debate coaches. definitely qualified.
the problem is, no one really knows what it means to "be confident"
like we can all comment on how someone doesn't look confident, but it's not that easy to fix it when you're actually speaking.


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## 1000BugsNightSky (May 8, 2014)

Inferior Fe.

Giving compliments used to be _really_ uncomfortable for me. Then about a year or 2 ago, I started trying it out because of reasons. Giving compliments is one of those things that get easier (and more natural) the more you do it. So it doesn't feel so weird anymore. Now, I don't give them that much, but if I want to, I would be able to. Complimenting non verbally is usually more natural for me, which works just as well. Showing that you are happy to be with them. 

Receiving compliments: this used be very hard too, but now I'm better with them. I surprisingly got better around the same time I began complimenting people. Confidence and being comfortable with yourself helps a lot in receiving compliments. And I'm not talking about accepting the compliment. It's more of keeping the conversation going smoothly and knowing how to respond.


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## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

Moonious said:


> Inferior Fe.
> 
> Giving compliments used to be _really_ uncomfortable for me. Then about a year or 2 ago, I started trying it out because of reasons. Giving compliments is one of those things that get easier (and more natural) the more you do it. So it doesn't feel so weird anymore. Now, I don't give them that much, but if I want to, I would be able to. Complimenting non verbally is usually more natural for me, which works just as well. Showing that you are happy to be with them.
> 
> Receiving compliments: this used be very hard too, but now I'm better with them. I surprisingly got better around the same time I began complimenting people. Confidence and being comfortable with yourself helps a lot in receiving compliments. And I'm not talking about accepting the compliment. *It's more of keeping the conversation going smoothly and knowing how to respond.*


This is exactly my issue. 

Do you think this is all a result of having inferior Fe, or something totally unrelated?


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I rarely give compliments, it seems unnecessary. Sometimes it seems backwards, "you're doing great!" To me just says "I'm fine now, I've made it, nothing else to do here."


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

I compliment people but not randomly and not all the time,I mostly do it when someone has something new,like new jeans or hair color and I compliment them on that or if they are putting themselves down in some way I try to cheer them up with compliments on their personality,work,looks or whatever is needed.
EDIT: If there's a need to give compliment but I really have no idea what to say It's important to me to not exaggerate,say something completely insincere because I know they'd know I'm lying,I try to stay realistic


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

auxiliary Fe: I don't really like giving compliments unless I really like the person. I like receiving them.


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Giving compliments: Maybe, not all the time though, usually as a way to break the ice or else I have some reason...I think mostly Ic compliment people who seem insecure or who I'm jealous of ) Somehow, being the compliment-giver gives you the 'power' in a situation so I'm only really comfortable giving them if I'm either clearly the dominant one in a situation (like if it's someone much younger or awkwarder than me) or if it's someone that for some reason I want to compete with.

Receiving compliments: I never know what to do. I always thought you were supposed to deflect them "Oh, no, not at all" but then I heard you were meant to be all like, "Oh, thank you, I love it too" but that makes me feel really pompous and conceited, but when you do the former one people will then argue with you and it'll turn into a horrible situation, so usually I end up just stating some fact about the thing, which is usually super awkward. Like, "I love your coat!" "Ah, yes, I just replaced the third button." It's terrible.


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## 1000BugsNightSky (May 8, 2014)

tiredsighs said:


> This is exactly my issue.
> 
> Do you think this is all a result of having inferior Fe, or something totally unrelated?


To an extent. For us, Fe is a part of it, but it's not the only factor. I could see many types, especially introverted types, struggling with this. For example, INFPs who don't even have Fe.


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## humeanirony (Jan 19, 2015)

As an inferior Fe (INTP) I almost never give out compliments because I have this belief that it will encourage reciprocity (the other person complimenting me back)... ewww, no bueno.


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