# Top Three Intertype Relationships



## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

All right, I've decided to do a bit of weighing in on the ITRs from experience, as justified by the functions. 

This is not a conclusive list - it's my own, and describes some of the more compatible and durable friendships I've had over the years, which may or may not be applicable in a wide enough context to be considered plausible within the facts of the theory itself. In other words, your preferences may be different than mine, but these have worked well:

*1.) Dual with your dominant instinctive variant somewhere in their stack
*That last qualifier is key. The thing I have noticed with duality is that it has a much higher chance of crumbling if the instinctual variants don't complement. It could be possible that Sx in particular, being the "one-to-one" variant and being that relationships are by default one-to-one, is even more dependent on this. If the two partners have psychological/communicative ease but are not aiming for the same things, the ease won't make a difference because it's not directed towards the partners. In my experience, these duality relations are no better than, say, quasi-id - with still a _bit _of a flicker from the dom-suggestive. 

When there is commonality, however, and the two people are in good mental states and positions of maturity, the relationship unfolds quite well. I like my duals because they have no trouble lifting me from inactivity in a way that is refreshingly simple and grounded. I tend to have trouble with action - I elect not to do things when they should be done, leave details to the side, choose not to press an issue - and SEE are so very much "in the present" that they _do _almost to a fault. Which is where Ni can help re-direct them towards what actually _does _need to be _done_. 

As is the general rule of duality, complementation is ease.​
*2.) Mirage
*
I find that mirage and semidual are very difficult to place ahead of each other, but overall mirage has offered just a few more layers to the relationship, across more situations. In a mirage relationship, you get the communicative dimension of a good relationship. Because functions 2/creative and 6/mobilizing are shared at intensities that are very close to what is expected, you will likely feel psychologically close to your mirage. They will "get" you at both a conscious and non-conscious level, since these states correspond to your creative (conscious) and mobilizing (non-conscious) functions. 

These operate at a very close psychological distance. I find that they are either easy to start and stay easy, or are frustrating at first and improve over time. This would be explained by the amount of exposure the person has had with their functions 2 and 6. If it's high, mirage should be easier to start; if it's low, the reliance on the leading/1 function may repel you at first. At the same time, the two leading functions of the pair make a "whole" of the overall function - Ne and Ni, Te and Ti, Se and Si, etc, and tend to evolve into research relations, where both partners feel comfortable enough to explore topics in a pragmatic sense, but speculate the impractical parts on levels the other person finds inconsequential. For an example, my ENFp friend and I talk about personality, but she wants to connect it to other events and I want to delve.

Despite the comfort, I have found mirage to stall into inactivity. It's very difficult to get things done, because there isn't a spark of action from the suggestive. I "get" my mirages quite well, but they can't help solidify my ego, and I can't do the same for them. The relationship becomes well-understood, almost entirely without conflict, improves over time, and is comfortable, but lacks novelty. Probably good for families because of the stability. I call it a "good choice." ​
*3.) Semidual*

These are interesting, and much more fiery and exciting than mirage. If mirage represents an improvement in understanding from extinguishment that doesn't quite touch duality, semidual has the cool, interesting part of duality without its communication ease. It is a step down from the ideal - still better than extinguishment; mirage is a step up from extinguishment - but not as good as duality.

I tend to be attracted to my semiduals more than mirage. Not in a sexual sense per se, but I find them usually hilarious (as is the case of ESTp anyway), robust, and able to withstand my cynicism and images. If I dated one, which wouldn't really be likely since there are few female semiduals for my type, it'd be a sexy relationship, the kind that belongs in a movie. Semidual bonds usually take awhile to develop, and cannot be rushed since the relationship lacks fluid communication but is centered around each others' subconscious expectations. 

They do, however, take a less psychological, and more operational feel. It's more about working together and enjoying the work than it is about sitting down and really exploring each others' inner selves. A psychological distance really has to be maintained for the relationship to do its thing, and too much emotion will ruin it for a short while. Fortunately, the disputes don't last particularly long since the dominant and suggestive dualizing dynamic is fairly constant. You should feel intrigued by your semidual quite frequently when you're in contact, since both of your leading functions are much stronger than your other functions. 

Positives are that you get what you really need, whereas you don't really from mirage; that you will be better-equipped for action than in mirage, which de-activates; and that the relationship has fire and energy to it. Negatives are that the communication is opposite, and that if you have strong mobilizing functions, you could theoretically hurt each others' PoLR. The creative functions will compete with each other as well, as they are opposite ways of doing the same overall task. 



On the whole, I tend to prefer dual and semidual for close social or working friends. The kind of friend with whom you go out and do things with (perhaps in groups), or work with on projects that have distinct end payouts, or a common unifying cause. I tend to prefer dual and mirage for very close bonds and actual relationships, where the communication needs to be clear. In either case, you shouldn't choose your friends or relationships on type, but I think there's something to the fact that my very closest friends were the types that form the above relations with ILI. 

What are your experiences? ​


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

LXPilot said:


> .
> 
> Despite the comfort, I have found mirage to stall into inactivity. It's very difficult to get things done, because there isn't a spark of action from the suggestive. I "get" my mirages quite well, but they can't help solidify my ego, and I can't do the same for them. The relationship becomes well-understood, almost entirely without conflict, improves over time, and is comfortable, but lacks novelty. Probably good for families because of the stability. I call it a "good choice."


I _think(?!) _my socionics type is IEE.

I believe I'm in a relationship with my mirage (MBTI: INTJ, socionics: ILI)

The part I have quoted above is something that concerns me with regard my current relationship. This is definitely something I can see potentially happening (although the relationship is still in the early stages.) I have never experienced such smooth and clear communication with anyone else like I do with my boyfriend. The relationship dynamic is psychologically comforting (I believe we may also be Sx/Sp and Sp/Sx, which definitely makes things easier). I think the psychological comfort/security is an important factor as we both have past experiences of childhood emotional abuse; we are both equally as emotionally intense and needy. There is an understanding between us that I have not experienced in any other relationship. He has helped me grow and develop in so many ways (mainly in an emotional and mental way.)

My main concern is the Ne/Si - Ni/Se difference. While I have no problems understanding his persepctive (and vice-versa), I am a little worried that there is a limit in how much we can both help eachother fully develop and integrate our lower functions. Having said that, we are aware of this, and have decided that it would be a good idea for both of us to establish close friendships with our 'dual types.' The danger of 'inactivity' is something we have also discussed and will try to overcome this by looking at different ways we can ensure that this doesn't become too much of an issue. 

In any case, I try take all of this intertype relationship theories with a pinch of salt. The theories are a good tool to use with the intention on learning how to improve and understand relationships better. I do think there is a risk of taking such ideas too literally; to the point where they, as a consequence, become self-fulfilling prophecies. 

Great thread! Thanks for the refreshing insight.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

@_KookyTookie_

Honestly, I don't think you should worry about it. These things should work out pretty much to form if the couple is typed correctly and doesn't have outstanding differences from the "typical" or default descriptions. 

I wouldn't use them to judge a breakup or initiation of a relation though - instead, work with what you've got if you're happy, and learn to maneuver around the latent dynamics at stake - in your case, mirage ones, which are pretty darn good TBH. Filatova recommends it as a good relationship, and in my experience, it's usually an amazing one - whereas _some _semiduals and even dual friends I had when I was younger weren't great. If I later found out it was conflict, supervision, or even benefit -, ID, or mirror, ehhhhhhh, maybe would consider something else. 

Sure, there's the suggestive function thing, but TBH nobody needs their one partner to provide everything in life - think about it, how many actually can anyway? Since you're an Sx like me, you're going to want to merge with your partner to some extent, and this will be very possible since your partner has Sx and is your mirage. Just find a few close Si dom friends to hang out with - there's nothing wrong with getting what you need from them, and enjoying the very warm, positive relationship you have with your partner. 

Yeah, IEE-ILI can get a bit predictable (though not repetitive, which is a key difference) after awhile, but I mean seriously, a partner you rarely fight with? Not half bad. I would totally date/marry a mirage. I think it's actually a bit easier than dual in some ways, since you share N/S and have an easier time starting conversation (which may be why MBTI recommends it). If a good dual is a Porsche, a good mirage is a keyless Mercedes that needs washing from time to time.


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## cyamitide (Jul 8, 2010)

I'd add the following based on my experiences with these relationship types.

Instinct stackings - very important for any type of relationship in my experience, duals with completely different instincts often don't share a common space and have few interests in common so they end up passing each other by. First instinct in common or being in the same flow group.

Semi-duality and Mirage/Illusionary relations - for irrational types (Ip and Ep) mirage is better as romantic relation while semi-duality is better as platonic relation, for rationals (Ij and Ej) it's the other way around, their mirage is more suitable for friendship and collaboration while their semi-duality is more suitable for intimate relations. I think romantic relations work out better when one partner is ethical and another is logical. Relationships between two logical types or two ethical types tend to feel more like friendships, which is the case for semi-duality among irrationals and mirage among rationals.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

KookyTookie said:


> I _think(?!) _my socionics type is IEE.
> 
> I believe I'm in a relationship with my mirage (MBTI: INTJ, socionics: ILI)
> 
> ...


I'm willing to say fuck functions and development. I think this is one of the problems that occur when people start learning this stuff - they apply it in a very mechanical sense that just lacks the natural fluidity of real life. I just mean that you should focus less on development. It will occur naturally and it's not something you can force. Even Jung states so himself.


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## Lady Lullaby (Jun 7, 2010)

My husband is Sp/Sx and I'm Sx/So. He is LII and IEI which is the *Benefit* relationship. We've been happily married for over 13 years.

My best friend in high school, and my sister that I'm closest to are ILE - my *M**irage*. I love the dynamic to these friendships. We are different in the right ways and similar in other ways that make communication work really well. I don't know if I share as much of my vulnerabilities with them as I do my husband or other NFs, but I still feel very close and connected to them.

I have a sister-in-law that is SEE as well as a neighbor I've known for over 5 years - these are my *Semi-dual. *I find that I'm drawn to them at first - they are entertaining and spark a fondness in me at first. We have little snippets of really great connecting communication out of the blue where we are totally on the same page and feel very understood - but most of the time it feels like we're just opposites and don't really 'get' each other. We don't 'dis-like' each other either, just not fully comfortable being ourselves 'all the way' when in one another's company. Perhaps if I spent more time with them this could develop into something different, but I tend to keep my distance because I foresee some clashing that could rock our comfortable 'boat' of fun that I do enjoy in limited situations.

My *Dual *is SLE. My brother-in-law is an SLE. I appreciate a lot of things about him and can see what attracted my sister to marry him. But I feel like we would wear each other out if we had to spend a lot of time together. I have a hunch that I dated an SLE in college. I actually turned him down the first few times he asked me out but he wore me down with sweet-talking and roses. LOL! I remember the adrenaline rush I felt around him, but I also remember the constant tug-of-war nature of our relationship. It was a whirlwind and ended after 5 months. I feel I would have ended up on a completely different journey as a person if I'd ended up with him. I doubt I would have learned to think for myself and become emotionally in-tune with myself the way my INTP's autonomous, more detached style has naturally encouraged from me. 

The other relations I've had that I'd call my 'favorite' friendships have been *Look-a-like*, *Mirror*, and *Kindred.*

The *Super-ego *relation, in my experience is exactly as described in the beginning - of being fascinated by one another. In my experience, I am completely intrigued by the SLI. I have an SLI brother-in-law (my husband's brother) and a neighbor/friend that is SLI too. I haven't become close enough to either of them to put the theory of this relation to the test. It would be sad to discover that we would have strife and conflict. I think I was friends with an SLI male in high school. Ours was the very slow, introverted style of a romance. He liked me for a long time from afar and when we finally did get together we did experience conflict. But we moved away to college and the conflict went with us. In emails we exchanged afterwards I think the intrigue still existed for both of us. I guess Super-egos are better off just thinking about one another from afar? We just like the idea of one another better than what reality brings?


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