# How To Stop Basing My Entire Self-Worth On My Intelligence????



## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

Right.
As the title suggests, I hold all of my value in my intelligence. I don't believe that I am that intelligent and this leads me to believing that I am of no value.

If I fail to see a connection in something, don't grasp a concept, get a problem wrong etc. This leads me to believe that I am inadequate as a human being and I end up feeling like a complete failure.

The simple fact that I am so idiotic compared to others who are much more intelligent than me makes me feel insignificant in the world. It also makes me wonder if I will always be this plain..

Sorry for the rambling. I just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop this....


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## Introspiritual (Mar 12, 2010)

I was reading your post and wondered if you were a fellow Enneagram Type 1. Wasn't surprised when I found out you were. :happy:

A couple pieces of advice:

- Read up on Enneagram Type 1 (Riso-Hudson seems to have the most coping strategies that I've found), there's a subforum about it here on PerC as well.
- Sometimes you learn more by making a mistake than by getting it right. I'd rather be known as a quick learner than "always right," myself.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Being a good person is a lot more important than intelligence.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> Right.
> As the title suggests, I hold all of my value in my intelligence. I don't believe that I am that intelligent and this leads me to believing that I am of no value.
> 
> If I fail to see a connection in something, don't grasp a concept, get a problem wrong etc. This leads me to believe that I am inadequate as a human being and I end up feeling like a complete failure.
> ...


Just out of curiousity, why do you place your entire worth on your intelligence.


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## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

NatetheGreat said:


> Just out of curiousity, why do you place your entire worth on your intelligence.


Because I cannot see anything else of value in me.


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## finically (Nov 18, 2009)

Hi there :happy:

I used to feel that way once, but I suppose we have to see how relative everything is. There are many kinds of intelligence, and also many different things that make our lives unique, meaningful and special. There are things that we have that many super ‘intelligent’ people don’t have. Unless we look at life from a broad perspective, we are always going want more things and compare ourselves with others. This is good. It keeps us on our toes and it keeps us alive. But everything is best in moderation, and too much self-scrutinizing can only hurt us.

What defines your life? Why are you here?

I enjoy winning and the pursuit of knowledge as much as the next person. I like it when things go my way and when I get to feel good about myself. I can be mean and selfish sometimes. I sometimes feel down when I compare myself to people who are smarter and better off. _We all do_. But I also see that the world – even _my_ world – is a lot bigger than just me. There are people who have helped me get where I am, people who I can look up to, people who make my life better every day (whether directly or indirectly). This is why I like to be there for others as much as I can. At the very least, I hope that I can make someone smile every day, even if it’s with one of my really lame, corny jokes. :crazy: I hope that whatever I do when I finish university will be of use to others. 

This way, no matter how worthless or unhappy I feel, I realize that I should keep hanging on because I’m still a contributing member of society capable of helping somebody. I hope that you’re able to see that you’re an awesome person who is a lot, lot bigger than his ‘intelligence’ alone. And besides, the human brain is a wonderful and malleable thing – you can always keep learning and improving your ability to solve puzzles, apply logic, remember things, etc. So you’ll just keep getting smarter.


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## Empurple (May 20, 2010)

Your worth, your value, your uniqueness is all tied up in one reality: That you are a created being, designed intricately with intention and purpose and definition, which is found in God. I know this may sound kind of like...I don't know, parroted or contrived, but I firmly believe that it's true. The knowledge of this reality is so freeing, if you can really get ahold of it with your heart and mind.


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## timeless (Mar 20, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> If I fail to see a connection in something, don't grasp a concept, get a problem wrong etc. This leads me to believe that I am inadequate as a human being and I end up feeling like a complete failure.


Speed is inextricably tied with the perception of intelligence in our society. But I think that true intelligence doesn't need to understand something fully right away. There's always more to whatever you're looking at. It's better to not understand and take it slow than jump to a conclusion like most people do. In that case, who would be more intelligent?


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

*Been there, done that...*

There are various negative thought patterns going on here, right? For example, there seems to be a black/white value on yourself that either you are a complete failure or you have all the intelligence of the universe. Really, neither is right but can you see the shades of grey here? That's one idea.

Secondly, consider where your interests and passions are. About what do you really care in this world? Is it just knowledge or being able to use that knowledge or something else? My point here is to consider what responsibility could come with some of the knowledge you have.

Thirdly, consider what beliefs and values you have. What are the laws of life for you? What kinds of sayings do you believe to be true without any hesitation or consideration? What ideals do you consider to be the most valuable for yourself?

There are probably a variety of different ideas one could try to change the automatic thoughts we have in certain situations. Lastly, you may want to consider if there are various support groups that may help with discussing these kinds of strategies as those who suffer from depression or anxiety can have these kinds of situations at times.


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## thewindlistens (Mar 12, 2009)

Maybe try to remind yourself to base your self-worth on other things as well as intelligence, such as other positive attributes. Or better yet, accomplishments? You can always accomplish more.

Though, you shouldn't take anything too far. Being happy and having the highest sense of self-worth possible aren't the same thing.


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> As the title suggests, I hold all of my value in my intelligence. I don't believe that I am that intelligent and this leads me to believing that I am of no value.
> 
> If I fail to see a connection in something, don't grasp a concept, get a problem wrong etc. This leads me to believe that I am inadequate as a human being and I end up feeling like a complete failure.
> 
> The simple fact that I am so idiotic compared to others who are much more intelligent than me makes me feel insignificant in the world. It also makes me wonder if I will always be this plain.


You sound perfectly normal for an ISTJ. One day you'll get a job, a uniform, and a sense of importance. You'll be fine. ;-)

Ever seen the show "Red Dwarf"? You're exactly like Arnold Rimmer. He may have been filled with self-loathing, but my god he was a popular character. There's something incredibly charming about a guy who is always worried about his own insignificance. I know, it's not logical... I don't understand it myself. I'd love to meet an ISTJ dude in real life.


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## CuritadeRana (Mar 19, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> Right.
> As the title suggests, I hold all of my value in my intelligence. I don't believe that I am that intelligent and this leads me to believing that I am of no value.
> 
> If I fail to see a connection in something, don't grasp a concept, get a problem wrong etc. This leads me to believe that I am inadequate as a human being and I end up feeling like a complete failure.
> ...


I revel in my flakiness sometimes because I see it has the benefit of bringing people closer to me who wouldn't normally because they are put off by arrogant people who think they are more intelligent than what they really are. Some people are intelligent and have the test results to prove it but they may lack social graces making them lonely and sad people. Don't you want to just go up to one of them and hug them...well maybe not because I've heard some people have some extreme reactions to being touched on this forum hahahaha...

I hate not seeing the connection in things too but it makes me challenge myself to be able to catch it the next time around or observe how the person who did catch it did it or came to that conclusion. I've always surrounded myself with people who were smarter than me but I just found that enriching and thank goodness they were also socially/emotionally intelligent which made them great company.

I haven't failed...just found a thousand ways not to become successful. Eventually I am going to be a "winner" by default LOL!!! Otherwise, it sucks to be you and there is always someone else who has it worse off. One day I am going to be in a position to make "everyone's" life better. It's not a goal. It's my destiny! Perhaps writing a book about how to do everything I do but reverse :laughing:


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> Because I cannot see anything else of value in me.


Well, you got pretty high on the multiple intelligences test in the "musical" category? Are you a musician/singer? Also, if you met someone more intelligent than you would that make you feel insecure and lower your self esteem?


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## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

NatetheGreat said:


> Well, you got pretty high on the multiple intelligences test in the "musical" category? Are you a musician/singer? Also, if you met someone more intelligent than you would that make you feel insecure and lower your self esteem?


No, I am not.

Most of my friends are more intelligent than me I would say. So no I wouldn't feel insecure unless they were incredibly arrogant about their intelligence.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> No, I am not.
> 
> Most of my friends are more intelligent than me I would say. So no I wouldn't feel insecure unless they were incredibly arrogant about their intelligence.


So it seems like you have a lack of self-esteem. Why do you feel that intelligence is the only thing that makes you a worth while person?


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## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

NatetheGreat said:


> So it seems like you have a lack of self-esteem. Why do you feel that intelligence is the only thing that makes you a worth while person?


Because I just don't feel as if I have anything else to offer this world.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> Because I just don't feel as if I have anything else to offer this world.


You have to have some other type of contribution to the world. You must do something positive? Do have body image issues? Has someone made you feel worthless? What's going on?


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## Immemorial (May 16, 2010)

NatetheGreat said:


> You have to have some other type of contribution to the world. You must do something positive? Do have body image issues? Has someone made you feel worthless? What's going on?


I really don't know what's wrong. Some days I feel fantastic. Others I feel like a complete waste of life. It's really inconsistent. Like right now I'm fine. But in a day or two I could feel completely different...

I don't do anything positive, no. I have slight issues with myself yes.

No. No one has made me feel worthless.


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## The Great One (Apr 19, 2010)

DarkestHour said:


> I really don't know what's wrong. Some days I feel fantastic. Others I feel like a complete waste of life. It's really inconsistent. Like right now I'm fine. But in a day or two I could feel completely different...
> 
> I don't do anything positive, no. I have slight issues with myself yes.
> 
> No. No one has made me feel worthless.


The solution is simple; go out and do something that makes you feel worthwhile.


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## amanda32 (Jul 23, 2009)

Instead of asking yourself, "how intelligent am I?" Ask youself, "what have I done to better the world or help someone around me?"

And if you can't think of anything, think of how you can. Be proud of something you've _done_ insead of what you might be _capable of._


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