# Charging Friends



## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

I've just finished school and am about to go back to the work force after this too long and personal story of a career switch. Luckily, I've received some good advice regarding job searching and resume etc. So I don't have much anxiety over that issue. But there is one issue that I'm a little uncomfortable on.

My new career is massage & bodywork. While I have other Edu. that can land me a job in a hospital/medical setting ... I want to utilize the LMT edu. for the most part because it holds the most promise for making money. I've been picking brains on going rates and plan on getting a part time position 2-3 times a week. (I have some leads that might land me in a position making a very good wage plus tip) this alone in my position should really put me in a fairly decent position. BUT ... I REALLY want to be super successful financially with this. I'm not only supporting myself but my son as well. Soooo ... I was thinking of doing the other 2-3 days a week solo. 

So I went to a party the other day full of moms, (ladies night out situation). One of the ladies was pregnant and she was interested in prenatal massage. 2 mothers I know are interested in infant massage for their babies. Not to mention a few other ladies that are excited for the general relaxation benefits... so there I am super excited to be "networking" with these people who are familiar acquaintances; some are friends. And I noticed that I've now found myself in a quandary. I have the reputation of being that "nice" person who doesn't hate anyone and is so nice, yada yada yada ... and I noticed that after I said, "I could really use the experience" when speaking to the woman interested in prenatal ... I noticed that some people took that as, "I'm willing to work for free". 

Now the going rate to go to someone's house is about 90-125$ an hour. That is just from the handful of people I've spoken to. Super experienced people in the field, (30+ yrs or whatever) charge more ... 

(Sorry for taking so long to get to the point but .. )

HOW Do you charge your friends?

Like ... what do I say? I'm mulling this over and feel like I should just get a "schpeal" together ya know. I have NO idea why I am stressing about this so much. I feel bad, some people are not in the position to afford the services. But I didn't put myself through hell this last year for nothing. How do I handle this situation tactfully? I also want to charge more money for the aromatherapy, shiatsu etc. so I would appreciate any suggestions as to how to let people know in a way that doesn't seem cold. I hope this makes sense. Maybe I'm being too sensitive over this issue. I'm seriously stressing over this so any help is appreciated 


Thank YOU!!! <3


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## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

Tell them since they are friends, they get a special discount. You said $90-125 is typical, so charge $65-80. They still feel like you gave them a good deal, you still acknowledge friendship and you get paid. Of course extras are extra (maybe throw in one for free? I'd suggest aromatherapy but I'm not versed in the business). The special discount is only for the first time though. If you do such a good job they come back, tell them it's full price. You can add that in when you give them the news of the special rate.

If you really want to charge them full price, then just do it. You're a working professional. If you had an accountant friend, would you expect that person to do your taxes for free? No.


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## bellisaurius (Jan 18, 2012)

Pretend you asked one of them/their husbands to help your car (you knew it wasn't a stupid problem, and it would probably take about an hour); what would be fair? 20? 40? A shop might charge a hundred an hour. 

You do need to also consider that people work with two different economic systems in their heads. One is for friends/family, the other for strangers/professional relationships. You should decide which you're doing here. If you want clients, tell them that you'll give them a token introductory rate (say, 20 dollars. It seems like a pretty low number to get them to try it) for however may sessions you feel like essentially giving away to get them hooked, but that after that it will be whatever normal special rate you intend on having. I doubt they'll feel insulted if you put it like this. 

If you want friends, you kind of cornered yourself by saying you needed the experience. They now think of themselves as guinea pigs doing you a favor.


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> HOW Do you charge your friends?


I could imagine a few different ideas here. First is something like a "Friends and Family" discount so that it isn't the full price though there is still a nominal charge. Second would be to have an understanding that since you are just starting a business that you'd want references or testimonials from people for the work you'd do. Another option would be the idea of an "Introductory rate" that you'd have for the first few clients.

As for those that can't afford the services, what non-monetary compensation could be provided? In-kind work swaps can be done and are what I'd often do with friends though my work is in the IT field.

Something else to consider is that you may want to have a "free consultation" where you meet with someone to discuss what kind of work they'd want and how much could they pay where details can get worked out. Something to consider here is that you are providing a valuable service.  You may need to have a line like, "I'm worth it!" playing in your head as some people may want to push for the freebies.


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## DiamondDays (Sep 4, 2012)

Don't ever mix business and friendship, not even on this level, and don't be a doormat.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Your choice. My Dad has the same issue as a computer repairer working from home, his rule is make it cheaper for 1 and encourage word of mouth where they keep getting discounts but only if they hold up their end of the bargain i.e. bringing more work your way from pre natal classes or wherever suitable.


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## EmileeArsenic (Jun 8, 2012)

I worked as a hairdresser for quite some time and the best advice I've ever received on this topic is:

You are a business woman. This is your job. Would you ask a friend who's a nanny to watch your children for free? No. Would you ask a friend who's an x-ray technician to give you screenings for free? No. Would you ask your friend who's an accountant to do your taxes for you for free? No. Trading is fine, so long as you're trading on equal grounds, for equally valued services or goods, but *your services are FOR sale, not ON sale.* Don't let people take advantage of you and your kindness, and *don't discount yourself*. It shows that you believe you're charging too much for what you do, and can afford to do so for less, and maybe even think you shouldn't charge as much as you do. It also allows others to de-value your services, which, when you think about it is insulting.

Tell your friends ahead of time how much you charge for your services and make sure that they understand that you're not free. When you're giving massages, you're at work. *When you're off the clock, and they want a service, they're asking you to go back to work and use your expertise, skill and materials.* That means your time and money. Make sure they understand this. *They should compensate you for this, just like they would any other professional*. It doesn't always have to be money, but *they need to value what you do*, and make sure that you don't feel you're getting taken advantage of and screwed over. That kills friendships. 

Once you start giving your services away, it gets sticky and out of control quickly, and it's very, very difficult to stop. Once one friend hears that so-and-so got a good deal or a free massage, the word spreads, and that becomes your price and they get bent out of shape when you put your foot down and start saying that they need to pay. Think back to the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" books. 



The only people who get their hair done for free by me are my grandmother and grandfather, and that's because they paid for my education.

In the beginning it's hard to say "no" and stand by it, but when it becomes a bartering thing instead of a giving away services thing, it actually strengthens friendships. And don't accept services you don't want. That's just another form of giving your services away. Don't be afraid to say "You know, I'm really not interested in that, but maybe ___ instead? How would you feel about that?" and discuss it until both feel their time and expertise are valued. That way you mutually benefit instead of one of you feeling under-appreciated. It can actually strengthen friendships, and solidify respect.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

bellisaurius said:


> If you want friends, you kind of cornered yourself by saying you needed the experience. They now think of themselves as guinea pigs doing you a favor.


That is exactly what I did, screwed myself. I was referring to the pregnant woman. NOT generally. I got quiet because I didn't know what to say! What was I going to say? "Oh not you. You're just a stressed out mom with a business and 3 kids whose financially struggling. You need to pay full price". Lol! THAT is why I threw the thread up ... how do I say it "nice" or "tactfully" ... in these types of situations that I will no doubt find myself in again. 

I do like the idea of an introductory rate and to come up with a rate for super close family and friends.

The thing is there ARE those times I am willing to do it for free but NOT all the time! I already got myself in trouble again for that last night. A friend, right before she left asked, "hey can you real quick do that thing to my neck again. I think I just sleep funny because that trigger point is back" ... what am I suppose to say??? NO! You stay in pain! MUhahahaha!!!!

I was thinking of just getting the prices on business cards so I have it in writing. And I suppose it's a matter of finding a way to articulate myself (in an assertive way) that I'm comfortable with. I do appreciate the various input !!! Thank you so very much! )


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## jbking (Jun 4, 2010)

I'd be tempted to suggest a deflection for most social situations. "Come see me for a consultation" could be a way to end any kind of public discourse without stating to anything more than a conversation. The idea here is to give something that may help provide a more private setting to discuss payment, length of service and other basic things. Some people may enjoy a 2 minute massage and others may want that full hour. What kind of teasers you want to do is something else to consider here.

As for the friend wanting something "real quick," you have to decide how you want to handle this. You could state how it takes some time to prepare for "that thing" and so it isn't that quick to do. A key point here is how much work is that situation going to take? If it is like 20 minutes or more, then I'd be inclined to say that it isn't that quick but you could make an appointment and it'll be treated properly. While my work is more technical, I can get routinely something like, "Hey, could you fix my computer?" where just because I design software, it is presumed that I know all there is about computers. It irks me more than a little though I'm not sure how much you get those that don't quite get all the options when it comes to your work.

Good luck on finding how to present your professional public image as that is what you're building here. This may take some time and you'll have the mistake here and there but keep at it so that eventually others will get the message of how you handle this.


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## Siren (Jun 25, 2011)

If you really do need the experience and want quick and easy access to it then the concept of an introductory rate is a good way to go. It's win-win. You get a bunch of people coming through the door right away who think you are doing them a favor. If you do this, then just be clear about e terms and when the full price kicks in.

My girlfriend gives facials for a living. She charges me the rate for a basic facial but gives me whatever she thinks I need when I'm in her chair. It was all her idea, not mine. I never asked for any of it. Plus she won't let me tip her. But we usually go to lunch or dinner at the same time, so I insist on buying.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Ningsta Kitty said:


> I've just finished school and am about to go back to the work force after this too long and personal story of a career switch. Luckily, I've received some good advice regarding job searching and resume etc. So I don't have much anxiety over that issue. But there is one issue that I'm a little uncomfortable on.
> 
> My new career is massage & bodywork. While I have other Edu. that can land me a job in a hospital/medical setting ... I want to utilize the LMT edu. for the most part because it holds the most promise for making money. I've been picking brains on going rates and plan on getting a part time position 2-3 times a week. (I have some leads that might land me in a position making a very good wage plus tip) this alone in my position should really put me in a fairly decent position. BUT ... I REALLY want to be super successful financially with this. I'm not only supporting myself but my son as well. Soooo ... I was thinking of doing the other 2-3 days a week solo.
> 
> ...


"Okay, all done! Your bill will be $800, plus tax! ;-)"


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

jbking said:


> I'd be tempted to suggest a deflection for most social situations. "Come see me for a consultation" could be a way to end any kind of public discourse


 This is a seriously fantastic idea! I will have to keep this in my head for later when I need it. Thank you!


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## ewerk (Sep 22, 2012)

This is an excellent question. As a career + life coach I found myself in the same dilemma when people I know thought they could get advice for free or at a very low rate. But here is my thoughts on this:
1) Since you just graduated you can use the practice so it's not a bad idea to get some free or low rate clients to jump start your business. The key here is you need to very clear with these people that they need to give you some sort of testimonial or referral for your work and that's what you're looking for to build your client base. So if you do agree to take on "free or low rate" clients, and maybe there is a cap on it like 5 or 10, then you need to at the very least get there testimonial and tell them if they like your services that you would appreciate they spread the word to their network.
2) As for charging in general, you can start on the lower end when you're first starting your business. I know I did this. But make sure to continue to raise your rates as you gain experience and confidence in your skills.
3) If you feel you want to charge more than the going rate that's ok too but you need to stick to it and don't waver. When people ask you the rate you need to confidently tell them what it is without wavering. You need to learn to sell yourself and your valuable services.
4) Infant massage seems to be a niche skill of which you could command more money for and be known just for that. I believe you need to be certified just for this.


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## petite libellule (Jul 4, 2012)

ewerk said:


> 4) Infant massage seems to be a niche skill of which you could command more money for and be known just for that. I believe you need to be certified just for this.


 There are several niche skills I am looking into to become certified in. Many are skills I know and am legally able to practice. But if I want to charge those "niche" prices, then yes, further certificates are required. Prenatal is a skill I can practice - however infant massage IS in it's own arena, which I would love to explore one day. I think it would be super awesome to get a baby fix AND get paid for it! How cool is THAT!  

Thank you for the feedback!  I agree that I might need to suck it up and actually _require_ a testimonial in exchange for free/discounted work.


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## fihe (Aug 30, 2012)

I would offer them a discounted rate. after the first few sessions, then you can have them pay full price if you so choose.
never do what you're good at for free.


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