# Introverts-Trying to Understand You



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?

I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?

Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").

I'm sorry. I was raised by a gregarious ESTP father who didn't mind shouting out everyone else's strengths, nor did he get offended when someone publicly declared his strengths-it was quite the opposite. 

Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.

Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.


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## ibage (May 5, 2012)

I can't and don't speak for all of us but I hate when I'm publicly acknowledged. Too much attention on puts a strain on my concentration be it positive or negative. For a lot of us, it can be very draining. 

As for why? I can't say. My brother is an ESFP and we confound each other all the time. I can't see how he spends so much time around people just as he can't see why I like being alone so much. Why do you extroverts like being on the front lines so much and why do you get energy from being in the spotlight? (That wasn't meant to sound aggressive if it was)

Like I said, for much of us, almost any kinda of mass attention is draining. There's far too much going on and there's simply something about it that exhausts us. This again is just me speaking from a personal perspective but if you want to congratulate me on something, a simple, personal "Thank you" is all I want.


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## Adythiel (Jun 28, 2012)

<---ISTP

It i s pretty simple after you understand what makes Intros tick. I like my personal space, don't enter it until I give you permission to do so. I hate public recognition, I just want to do my job and sit in the background. I don't want the spotlight, I'll let you guys have it all. Unlike extroverts who thrive and are re-energized by large groups of people with lots of action, I want to be left alone. I like the quiet. I need this alone time to process things. If I don't get it, I am usually awake until 3 or 4am because I can't sleep until my brain has finished processing the events of the day (Partially what is happening to me right now). If I am at a party of more than four or five people that I don't know well or consider friends I feel completely drained when I leave, usually long before the party has ended. My perfect day would be sitting on a tropical beach, alone with nothing more than a good book, some food I enjoy and a cooler full of drinks of various natures. 

Compliments aren't insults, I just don't want to hear them. They don't embarrass me, I just don't want to hear it. Just say thank you and leave it at that. It has to do with humility. Even that was hard to type. I tend to be more critical of myself than anyone else could ever be. And if I can see all these problems in myself, are said compliments genuine or are they given with an ulterior motive? That's the thing always running through my mind. With me, actions will always speak far louder than words ever could. If you really want to show appreciation, do it through some action. Not through words.

I like being in the background because that is where I am comfortable. Extroverts like being in the middle of throngs of people. Introverts don't. I need my space. I detest games to the very center of my being. I refuse to play them. I left the corporate world of IT just to get away from all the game BS. I'm often called brutally honest. That's how I treat people and how I want to be treated. It also probably doesn't help that I go into new meetings thinking people are stupid until proven otherwise. But my past experience has taught me that is often the truth. And that is a primary function of my personality. I live day to day and make decisions based on what the past has taught me.

This is how I work, it may or may not reflect the way other introverts function.


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## marckos (May 6, 2011)

*So do you not need compliments or what?* 
No, I prefer criticism, it helps me grow up and get better
*
How exactly does that work for you?* When someone compliment I just dont care, it doesn´t matter is your opinion about me is good or bad, if I want your opinion I would ask to you if not, please save your commentaries until I ask them to you.

*I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you? *
*take spot light* here, take it, no, please i insinst.:ninja:


*Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? Yes, it embarrassed me, no is not an insult is just annoying and a waste of time.
How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?
* I show public appreciation, actually Im pretty aficionate, I show it throught words, hugs or kisses (girlfriend), the problem is that I have a few intimates that I would actually show my appreciation.

*Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.*
I like freedom so I maintain in background, it would be hell hear all the people problems or they would come to me to talk about thing I just don’t care, is a win-win situation I maintain my freedom and don’t see you and you dont get hurt because of my anal behaviour ( Althought Im not aggressive , im pretty reasonable).
*
Introverts, how do you want to be commended? *
How about something like….mmm?
You: hey dude, good job 
Me: thanks *nod and little smile*
*we move along and continue doing whatever we were doing* you see it?, its not so difficult.

*Please state your type when responding.
*Dont know, i always test as an IXTX, some kind of unhealthy IXTX.

*Thank you.
*No problemroud:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?


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## Adythiel (Jun 28, 2012)

The why is also simple. I just don't care. Your validation of me does not improve my situation, it doesn't have any tangible effect on anything in my life so it doesn't do anything for me. I understand that is harsh but as I did mention earlier I am brutally honest. What grounds me goes back to the action. I do things that I enjoy. For example, tonight I had a couple friends over and we cooked up some pizzas from scratch. We hardly spoke but we worked side by side for hours. It was an extremely fun night for me. It is things like that which keep me grounded.

As to why intros and extros are different, the best answer I can give you is that is just how we are wired to handle the world around us. For a more solid answer, unfortunately you'll need someone more learned than I.


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

This thread makes me think I might be an ambivert because, whilst I do kind of thrive on recognition and praise, I don't like compliments. I get embarrassed when I am singled out in a crowd. And I also need a lot of alone time to process things, otherwise I end up staying up all night until my brain just shuts the hell up. However, if I am the person to single myself out in the crowd, this is perfectly okay with me (I usually do this by speaking louder than others when getting excited, or flailing too much whilst talking - gestures, I love them). I've also noticed that when I am in a bad mood, I am instantly cheered up by being around people. But, conversely, I am quite drained even when interacting with someone on a one-on-one basis after a few hours, and start to get a little grumpy.

Thanks for creating this thread @pinkrasputin. I have been thinking about whether or not I am a true extrovert, and I think the responses to this thread might help me gather more insight into my preference.


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## marckos (May 6, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?


This is the more beatiful anwser you would hear.

_


Adythiel said:



*The why is also simple. I just don't care*. Your validation of me does not improve my situation, it doesn't have any tangible effect on anything in my life so it doesn't do anything for me. I understand that is harsh but as I did mention earlier I am brutally honest. What grounds me goes back to the action. I do things that I enjoy.

Click to expand...

_


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

i like compliments, i just dont need or want someone to draw alot of attention to me. So lets say its my birthday, do NOT have the restaurant come and sing to me and put a sombrero on my head etc... just give me presents  Say i did a good job, say "hey Mendi, great job you did on this" then throw money at me, rather than calling everyone in the office to my desk. Try using discretion when showing your appreciation by doing it in private or around small amounts of people we are comfortable with.


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## ibage (May 5, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?


I honestly think it has to do with how our brains are structured. I read a theory somewhere in an article about introversion that introverts and extroverts have different reactions to the chemicals released during certain interactions. To go beyond that is hard to answer. I think many experts strive to find the answer to that enigma and many come to different conclusions. The human mind is vast and complicated yet it's wrapped up in such a simple package. 

Maybe it's a physical trait or maybe it's mental. Perhaps the question you seek the answer to just isn't one that can be answered. The answer to "Why?" might just be "Because" in this case. In the end, we simply "are". 

That all said, I really like this thread. It's really got me thinking.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> i like compliments, i just dont need or want someone to draw alot of attention to me. So lets say its my birthday, do NOT have the restaurant come and sing to me and put a sombrero on my head etc... just give me presents  Say i did a good job, say "hey Mendi, great job you did on this" then throw money at me, rather than calling everyone in the office to my desk. Try using discretion when showing your appreciation by doing it in private or around small amounts of people we are comfortable with.


Can you describe to me what it feels like to have someone draw public attention towards you? I'm very interested in hearing this process.


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## easyvision (Jun 11, 2012)

ibage said:


> I honestly think it has to do with how our brains are structured. I read a theory somewhere in an article about introversion that introverts and extroverts have different reactions to the chemicals released during certain interactions. To go beyond that is hard to answer. I think many experts strive to find the answer to that enigma and many come to different conclusions. The human mind is vast and complicated yet it's wrapped up in such a simple package.
> 
> Maybe it's a physical trait or maybe it's mental. Perhaps the question you seek the answer to just isn't one that can be answered. The answer to "Why?" might just be "Because" in this case. In the end, we simply "are".
> 
> That all said, I really like this thread. It's really got me thinking.


-just noticed there was a second page to this thread, sorry to hijack the conversation flow

When you mentioned about the chemicals released during certain interactions, it reminded me of some reading I have been doing.
I have been reading into why I am introverted and I have come across people with the idea you can shift between introverted and extroverted (they are kinda opposites there surely would be an in between).

If a person’s attention usually flows outwards then he or she is an extravert, while if the attention usually flows inwards, the person is an introvert. Change your focus, and your behavior changes magically! - when I read about this it is to do with meditation.

so anyway just a interesting theory, it is due to chemical reactions but also to your focused attention.


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## ibage (May 5, 2012)

easyvision said:


> -just noticed there was a second page to this thread, sorry to hijack the conversation flow
> 
> When you mentioned about the chemicals released during certain interactions, it reminded me of some reading I have been doing.
> I have been reading into why I am introverted and I have come across people with the idea you can shift between introverted and extroverted (they are kinda opposites there surely would be an in between).
> ...


It's all part of the same continuum. We all have intorverted traits and we all have extroverted traits. At least this is how Jung explained his theory.


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## alionsroar (Jun 5, 2010)

<-- possible istp.

If I am in the spotlight, I feel as though people are wanting things from me, they are trying to get some sort of external reaction from me.


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## SumSamurai (Sep 9, 2010)

From strangers and associates I like compliments given to me very lightly, just don't go overboard otherwise I feel awkward and don't know how to react. I'll try my hardest to show gratitude by smiling - awkwardly, because if you make a big deal of it you've probably made me feel uncomfortable and I'm trying my hardest not to show that... 

I only like BIG compliments from people I'm close to, they feel more genuine because that person would have to know me so well. If given compliments aren't genuine then I don't want them.

I always put compliments into speculation about how plausible they are and much I deserve them. I'll ask myself "Is this true, I think i'm i'm really good at..." ect.


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## Oatsie (Mar 27, 2012)

When I am given the spot light I feel singled out & nerves, like what someone else said, as if they want something from me & that I need to meet some expectations. I feel that if I don't meet the requirements of the people in this situation then I will either be humiliated, criticised or something. I am extremely happy to remain on the side, in the background. Compliments are okay only if they are meant & one-on-one, not in public.


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## AstralSoldier (Jun 18, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?


I don't need as many compliments as an extrovert, and I don't go out looking for them. I know what I'm capable of doing and depending on someone else to give me that feed back would undermine MY self-confidence/independence in my ability to get something done; its like painting a portrait and not thinking it's any good unless everyone in class agrees it's so! I couldn't imagine needing to depend on people that way! My confidence would be shot!. Knowing I'm competent through self-discovery actually VALIDATES the ability as something that is real because it wasn't reflected through the eyes of another person out of pity, bias, or circumstance; it was determined by me, myself.



> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?


I don't mind stealing the spotlight/hearing good things about myself every now and then; but I don't want to make it an all the time thing because I don't want to get dependent on people's approval; it's not a promised thing, and you don't have autonomy when you have to spend time being under the 'looking glass' of society; you've gotta fit in, rather than just being yourself, and finding out what makes YOU the individual tick; I know as an introvert I need to get in touch with my inner 'self' and I need to be connected with some sense of self away from everyone else; it helps me recalibrate my mental/emotional boundaries and batteries; also, there's the fact that when you spend as much time introspecting/reflecting as we do, you know ALOT about who you ACTUALLY are as a person, so you know what you bring to the table for a relationship.

I notice I tend to watch what I say a lot of the time, and focus on self-restraint takes alot of energy/focus and then you have to focus on the conversation/environment going on around you...it's alot, to do, which is why I've needed to get away after a long period of socializing; we're usually doing more than what we seem to be doing; even when I'm talking to a friend, I'm thinking about other things going on that I've gotta get done, and what is most appropriate to be said for the situation. Not all introverts are good at this, and I can't say why we all aren't because there is not 'BIG REASON' why we all aren't good at stealing the spot light, some of us don't need it, care to have it because we don't like feeling like trained ponies having to prance for someone every moment of the day. I guess I just believe in what I say, because I have confidence in my abilities, and if I mess up, I push myself harder to understand what went wrong and how to fix it.



> Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").


I don't get embarrassed when I get a compliment. I'm grateful and I accept your point of view. I'm just not quick to take things to heart, and I don't like a group of people focused on me because I know that humans have a mind with which to THINK other things they aren't necessarily telling you verbally. Being an introvert in an extroverted world where we are encouraged to seek approval from others, draw as much attention to ourselves as possible (when is having such an inflated sense of self-importance for example, a great thing? just sounds like another dude who thinks he's the shit...just like EVERYBODY ELSE) when some of us like to be independent because some of us don't like dependence on something outside of ourselves because we often know through the course of introspection, that you shouldn't put all your chips on any one thing but yourself. We know that there are alot of covert things going on behind the careless banter, so I know because of that I like to keep my group of friends small to a bunch of people I can actually trust, not bunch of people I don't consider really substantial to my life; more people in your life equals more connections to MORE drama which we generally hate. 

I just prefer the basics and authentic communication to a whole bunch of people around me. I don't have a problem showing appreciation either, I can hug, smile (well the sides of my mouth go up lol), pat someone on the back etc. the name of the game is subtlety with us...we're usually very clever at planting seeds in other people's heads about something, and then later on having them call us and say 'Oh, I get it Now!' and we laugh together...this is how we share OUR inner world/perceptions...we aren't limited to what we just see, sense, hear around us, our world is very multifaceted.



> I'm sorry. I was raised by a gregarious ESTP father who didn't mind shouting out everyone else's strengths, nor did he get offended when someone publicly declared his strengths-it was quite the opposite.


Here's another thing. You're environment sounded very supportive. Not everyone gets that coming up. Either way, if you were a true introvert, it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway, because your mind would've been drawn inward towards ideas, emotions, values, abstract and personal things. Your father grew up being an extrovert I bet which is why he's possibly so comfortable with being extroverted and sharing his boundaries; he (possibly like you) thinks that people are for the most part to be trusted, and you guys genuinely like sharing all your energy with the outside world. An introvert is running alot of internal processes at once while being present for you as well. I'm just not in any need of anyone's approval or opinions of myself. I could laugh humorously at what people think are my strengths but I know what my strengths are, and I know what they aren't, and as long as I'm self-aware, it doesn't matter what others think. simple.



> Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.


Because when you're in the background, there's alot of interesting conversation going on; alot of multifaceted, candid/frank talk going on about stuff that's pertinent to our personal values, ethics thoughts, beliefs, ideas, interests, and areas of expertise. I'm sociable with alot of people, but for some reason I just don't get off on being surrounded with lots of people, because it takes me away from physics, genetics, molecular biology, art, and the images, i see when I just close my eyes and just think/focus. I need to quiet to reflect on the impressions/collective meaning of the experiences I received through the day, to play with the meaning of the experiences.

I suppose if I was interested in 'fiting in' with other people for something that I thought would necessitate a reason to be more 'in your face' with others, I would. I know I don't like rules, or having to follow a group, and always compromise with everyone simply because it's FUN to be with a bunch of people sometimes, I just like the peace and quiet of a few good friends, maybe a few drinks, (a little bud lol) and it's all good, because I get to interact with them on a pretty personal/calm chill level that I couldn't if I was somewhere loud, like a mall. I happen to know that alot of extroverts don't care for sarcasm, subtext, and more subtle communication patterns....everything is usually 'what you see is what you get' straightforward, with a dash of simplicity. Nothing wrong with it, just not the introverts way of communicating because we censor our thinking alot and look for what NEEDS to be said, then what one WANTS to say....I may just tell a friend what they need to hear about something practical one day, and hold onto the more personal info for a time when we can really listen to each other. Interpersonal communication means a lot to us.

Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.[/QUOTE]

I'm an INFJ. I don't need to be commended for something, I'm being commended by taking part in your interest in our introverted temperament...it's interesting getting to know extroverts too actually.


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## coquelicot (Jun 8, 2012)

I'm an introvert of some sort

I can play along the social game with great success, so much that I'm mistaken for an extrovert often I just don't feel like doing this for longer than I choose necessary. I don't like to let people get very close and have an influence on me, it feels like a part of me is invaded. When in a group, I usually zone out at some point and sit quietly, so everybody starts asking if I'm feeling ok. I am ok, just get tired trying to behave extrovertedly, I get lost in my own thoughts for a while, regain energy and get back to the game. 

As for compliments, they usually do not enthuse me. When I was younger I responded negatively, now I've learned to accept them. When someone compliments I think to myself that they expect to gain something from it, I have trouble seeing it as a genuine act of praising, it's more of a 'white lie', a means to an end. 

Public validation is cool and I will enjoy it, but I can downplay it in my mind, so that at the end of the day it won't mean much. Praise is just an exaggeration. I don't like exaggerations, I need to strive for perfection according to my own standards. I will happily accept public validation only if I judge that it does indeed correspond to my criteria, that I deserve it.

If someone compliments the noble integrity of my character (sic) I'll think to myself "Yeah right, what's your point? As if you know who I truly am and what a mean bitch I can become" 
If I get an award at the university I'll think "Ok that's nice, but none of those people knows how little I studied, how bored I was and how sloppy my work is. It's silly they praise me for it"


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

ISTP here:
I don't hesitate to say that I thrive on validation. But the hard currency in validation is respect. Having people gather around me to praise me doesn't necessarily mean they respect what I did or even understand the work I put into getting it done. Basically, I'd much rather have a single person whom I categorize as an expert tell me I did a good job than having all the people in the building giving me a round of applause. The first is a concrete benchmark of an achievement. The latter is just a socially driven, subjective thing which doesn't actually give me any concrete frame of reference for future development.


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## Adasta (Nov 22, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?


The stranger has no value to me. He could be a moron. Therefore, why would I care what he thinks of me?

History has proved that most people are idiots. This notion outrages my ENFP friends, but then I just watch them consort with fools and am justified.


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## Erbse (Oct 15, 2010)

Most compliments are just so sad.

I don't need external verification, especially not if all it does is point the obvious anyway - and it case it misses the mark, e.g doesn't point out the obvious, you're wrong and missed the mark - thus making you appear quite sad. You trying doesn't give you any cool points in my books but at best question your being.

I can tut my own trumpets, I don't need anyone else to do it, thus it's better to just leave it be.

Bottom line being, if you compliment you're trying too hard.


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## Jaffster (Jun 20, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
> 
> ...


You have completely missed the point.

Not only do we not NEED compliments, we don't care for them. Or, at least, I don't. What is happening around is of little importance, perhaps more-so with me and my darn Ti. In our heads is where the important stuff lies. Being complimented by somebody is pointing the spotlight at me = Less Introverted time in my head. Please go away and compliment somebody that will appreciate it.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

Compliments embarrass me. Not sure why, always have.


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## Ramysa (Mar 22, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?


Everybody needs compliments. They make u feel good and appreciated (depending on the compliment). But they must be honest and founded, otherwise it just feels like u are insulting my intelligence . I can really tell when ppl are trying to suck up to me and I hate it. 




pinkrasputin said:


> Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").


As I said, honest complimenting is not insulting BUT public appreciation is smth that I dunno how to deal with so I rather avoid it if I get the feeling that it will happen.It feels like too much and I might take it the wrong way , like u are trying to put me in a difficult situation. I'd rather appreciate it if u do it privately. It's better received by me. Also , having a whole group of ppl focused on me it's trouble. I get drained fast and feel tired and uncomfortable. I'll deflect everything that I can and drive attention away from me as many times possible. 




pinkrasputin said:


> Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.



I dunno abt other introverts , but I feel that the back ground is more safe when I don' t know the ppl around . It's like being able to analize them carefully and quietly before I interract . I don't like making mistakes and the back ground is what would buy me time to figure out what/who I am dealing with. Once the mistery is revealed I am ok "going along with the public game" too, as u said. 



pinkrasputin said:


> Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.


They key , in my case (INFJ) is to be honest and genuine abt everything. There is nothing I don't understand . Trying to hide stuff would just make me be suspicious of u and not trust u. also, Don't overdo anything or don't oversay smth. That's all.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?


I imagine for me is my double compliant tritype 6 and 1. In short I'm modest and get embarrassed if someone praises me. I might even downplay it as I don't like the spotlight or spread it, give credit to everyone who contributed to my success. Furthermore my self value is derived internally, thus outside praise doesn't reach me as far as it would an extrovert, there is always my internal critic that has the last word. I may even question it and question the motives of those giving it, especially if I don't see it as they do, or feel that its excessive, undeserved. 

Other tendencies may include looking on the darker side of things, what didn't go right, where I have to improve, what do I want to be etc. I live in a constant state of self development, where I don't appreciate myself as much as I should. Its a stupid fault....I know and I'm very tough on myself. Interestingly enough I don't do this with others (thank God ^^ I'd be insufferable).

I do much better in private when someone tells me how awesome I am....don't know the reason. I respond better, don't get nervous reactive, embarrassed or paranoid. Its something more intimate and genuine for some reason.

I attribute this more to my 6-1-4 then being an introvert. Praising myself directly is something unthinkable. I may do it in a hidden way thou.



Worriedfunction said:


> @_pinkrasputin_
> 
> I wouldn't bother, you are an extravert, your brain is too simple and ill conceived to try and understand the complex and genius machinations of an introvert.
> 
> ...


Cut the crap and don't generalize some random narcissistic bastards opinion on the subject. I don't appreciate your sarcasm, but I do agree with what you are getting at. External praise is appreciated, but in public it draws attention..unwanted attention.


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## Kito (Jan 6, 2012)

I like compliments, I just don't like it when everyone hears it and starts talking about me. I can't think of anything much worse than being in a group of people, all of which are talking about me.


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## TragicallyHip (Jan 6, 2012)

Frankly, even at 48 years old, I can still sometimes be taken aback at how much external validation most people seem to need. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I get hit with this realization, it still comes as a surprise because it is so absolutely foreign to me. It's nice to be appreciated and respected for sure, but I do things I do because that's who I am, if people compliment or laud those things it makes now difference. 

It just plain seems odd to me when people say they need outside influences to shape them, my internal rudder is so strong I can't imagine that being the case. 

Having said that, I get a thrill on those rare occasions when I can SEE the love/admiration shining from a loved one's eyes. Now that totally turns my crank.


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## nuue (Jul 15, 2010)

<--- INFJ

When being called out in public it's like my cover is being blown on my top secret mission to gather intelligence about everyone in the room. It ruins my concentration, makes me squirm, and makes me hide in the shadows rather than float around the outside of the center social scene. It blows my mission because I first need to figure out each individual based upon the way they're behaving or talking / socializing whether they're a friend or foe. Whether I can approach or must avoid them. The more unknown people there are, the more time it takes for me to complete this mission and get comfortable in my surroundings. 

Or it's more like being a security camera stuck to the wall... if you point it out, it's visible to everyone.

I don't need to be commended or thanked. Honestly. If I help you I know you're grateful by the smile on your face. If I did something so fantastically great... saved a baby from a well or something... I don't need praise or a front page story. I'm not doing it for publicity. I'm doing it because I care... because I try to be a good individual and help those in need.

I'm satisfied by shocked surprised faces when I speak about something, because I normally do not speak unless it's necessary. I'm not okay with the 'omg she said something!' whispers. Makes me self-conscious and less reluctant to voice my thoughts, ideas, and opinions again.

And like someone said before. NEVER take me to a restaurant on my birthday that sings, claps, dances, makes me wear funny hats and outfits. I will loath you for weeks by bringing so much attention to me in a public setting.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

Hmmm. Even though l consider myself ambiverted, most people would take me for an introvert. l actually have a pretty inflated ego though, and l like compliments.

l don't require them, but l enjoy them. l don't do false modesty, when given a compliment l accept it and usually compliment back.


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## Nordom (Oct 12, 2011)

INTP and here are my comments*


So do you not need compliments or what?* 

Sure do, but more in a camel needing water sort of way. 
One really meaningful compliment such as "I want to live in your brain for a day?" or "How did you KNOW that?" pretty much gets the job done, and I can live on that for a while. Too many compliments like that would make me explode. I would much rather stay even keeled.

*How exactly does that work for you?* 

I spend a ton of time in my own head and have a good grasp at what my strengths and weaknesses are. Simple reinforcement just sharpens that. It's nice but it is less helpful and probably won't make me all gooey. 
So if it is some new insight or piece of input I will be a lot more responsive which appears "appreciative" but is just my Ne showing. I just like entering that new piece of data and comparing it to the rest. Other general comments like "You're funny," "Thanks again for helping me with that," etc. I'll filter out as "repeat data."
If you tell me you like my dimples or something physical, that's when the Fi or Fe shows and I'll blush or run into a wall.

*I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you? *

Sure, but I'd get all flustered, and then I'd need like the rest of the afternoon to unwind. 

*Why do you get embarrassed? *
Because I'm just trying to enjoy the show and wasn't planing on having the spotlight. My brain is fully occupied, and I need to pull out the right things to say to avoid appearing stupid (which is my biggest fear). It's like showing up at my house an hour early.

*Is it an insult to compliment you?* 
Not at all. One compliment is great. Two, I get suspicious. More than that and I assume you want to date me or something. I get stuck on the "why me" too much rather than accept it at face value.

*How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? *
Lots of different reasons. I'll use work as an example. I spend a lot of time just listening to other conversations going on around me in surrounding cubicles. And I'll know lots of details about their lives, their families, their personal lives etc. and I just prefer to keep that private or discuss it one on one. Some things I'll agree with, somethings I'll disagree with and want to bite my tongue, but the group has already reached some sort of consensus, that if I were to pipe in with my own opinions, it would rock the boat. I'd just prefer not to rock the boat in a group setting and as mentioned above, take the time getting to know people one at a time, so they know where I stand and accept that.

*How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?*

Cash? Email. God nothing face to face.

*
*


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## OldManRivers (Mar 22, 2012)

If I had to explain why I am introverted, it has to do with early training. Not to go into that, but if a child were taught - forcibly - to "siddown snd shuttup!" would you expect an extrovert to come out of that? There may be a bit of paranoia, whatever - but I do not like crowds, noise, and being singled out for attention. Never have, never will. And praise - I have known people who expected praise for every routine act they completed. Ugh! A favorite work-place statement directed toward a narcissistic coworker: "Just do your damn job, Henry!"
Everyone has their own special for being who they are. End of story. Its an "I" thing. You wouldn't understand.


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## Radiant Flux (May 7, 2010)

I don't want peoples compliments on something I've worked hard on because 1.) I'm very hard on myself so their compliments would be seen as fake and meaningless, 2.) I feel awkward and embarrassed when people compliment me on projects (I don't really understand why, but I do), and 3.) I want them to tell me what I can do to make my next project better. I don't mind compliments, and of course I'm chuffed to bits when someone says they think my eyes are pretty, but for the things I work hard on (like essays or portraits), compliments are forgotten while criticism stays.

However, for big decisions that I make (such as entering into the most difficult set of classes in my school) I seek out the opinions of my peers and teachers because I know that I don't know everything. Other people provide knowledge about a decision that I may not know, but again, I suppose this is also a form a criticism.

I dunno why introverts to introverted things. But I don't think we're that hard to understand. If you stop looking at it from a typology perspective, and look at it from a human perspective, I think it gets easier to understand.


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## SpasticReasoN (Apr 27, 2012)

Because talk is cheap.


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## Worriedfunction (Jun 2, 2011)

Rim said:


> Cut the crap and don't generalize some random narcissistic bastards opinion on the subject. I don't appreciate your sarcasm, but I do agree with what you are getting at. External praise is appreciated, but in public it draws attention..unwanted attention.


Actually I was just in a bad mood and it didnt really have anything to do with anyone.

But misery loves company.


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## ThatName (Nov 9, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?


Just to be able to accomplish a goal I set forth is my reason to get out of bed everyday.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

Worriedfunction said:


> Actually I was just in a bad mood and it didnt really have anything to do with anyone.
> 
> But misery loves company.


>) it made me happy, thx. Things were getting a bit dull.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Adasta said:


> History has proved that most people are idiots. This notion outrages my ENFP friends, but then I just watch them consort with fools and am justified.


What is that saying about you?


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## Adasta (Nov 22, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> What is that saying about you?


That I do not consort with fools.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Adasta said:


> That I do not consort with fools.


Your ENFP friends consort with you. Not sure if you consider yourself a fool. 


Anyway, back to the mind of introverts. Carry on..


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## Bumblyjack (Nov 18, 2011)

I actually don't like compliments either. They don't feel validating to me, they feel confining. It's as if they're reducing what I've done, who I am, or what I'm like to something far less than it really is (sounds a bit Four-ish?). I much prefer someone's enthusiastic attention and interest. That's the external thing that feels like true validation to me.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Bumblyjack said:


> I actually don't like compliments either. They don't feel validating to me, they feel confining. It's as if they're reducing what I've done, who I am, or what I'm like to something far less than it really is (sounds a bit Four-ish?). I much prefer someone's enthusiastic attention and interest. That's the external thing that feels like true validation to me.


Yeah I was actually thinking about public recognition. I can be graceful and it accept it. 

But yesterday I was with an introvert that did not want restaurant staff to sing her "Happy Birthday". I realize that is probably awkward for most of us, but I will go along to get along and appear pleasant. So it got me to really consider why the huge difference. I had another experience with another introvert last week. 

I was just talking to my ESTJ girlfriend who doesn't mind the spotlight at all. But she did express frustration over "quiet introverts" who have limited reactions to things. She doesn't like it because she doesn't know where she stands with them. So I realize there is something more to this and it's all about perspective. 

An extrovert not understanding how the introvert sees things, may think it really rude of the other person not accepting a compliment "gracefully". Or they may become suspicious of their quiet behavior. So I'm simply trying to understand the self- sufficient introvert. 

Obviously I'm an ENFP and commonly called an "introverted extrovert". But I think that's a little too simple. My mind, the majority of the time is moving outward, even when I'm isolating. I am noticing many things about the outside. Being around many people would cause me to notice reactions. Introverts seem to move inward, even in a public arena. Or they tend to wear me in public (I feel like I'm their comfort zone). I believe that is different from me when I stand off to the sides and merely observe.


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## DreamStepper (Feb 27, 2012)

*So do you not need compliments or what? *
No thank you! I like them, but when said in public I can't handle it. You can tell when I want one though.


*Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? Yes, it embarrassed me, no is not an insult is just annoying and a waste of time.
How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?*

Why? Because I don't like good things said about me I guess? I don't know how to react and it catches me off guard. I don't like a group focused on me because I'll screw up and I feel so nervous, anxious, twitchy. 
Just don't.

*Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.*

Why? I don't like the attention focused on me. I get caught of guard and then I fail. 

*Introverts, how do you want to be commended? *

Good Job!
Thank You.
-Done!

*Please state your type when responding.*
INFP


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## zynthaxx (Aug 12, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> But yesterday I was with an introvert that did not want restaurant staff to sing her "Happy Birthday". I realize that is probably awkward for most of us, but I will go along to get along and appear pleasant.


OK, so now I'm confused and trying to understand extroverts: If having "Happy Birthday" sung to them is awkward for most people, why would anyone even think of doing that to them? Then there's nothing weird with introverts who in that case just are more expressive than extroverts in showing they actually mind being subject to this atrocity.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

Introverts do need compliments and to be recognized for their strengths, however attention from more than one or two people at once usually isn't enjoyable for us which is why we don't like public recognition. It's a little like the dead birds your cat leaves you as gifts.....thanks but....now I have to clean this up. Having attention directed toward us from multiple sources is unnerving, distracting, causes us to feel flustered, 'overstimulates' us, we feel pressured to say something or act in a way that pleases and impresses the onlookers but because we are experiencing overload we aren't quite in control of ourselves and can't think fast enough to feel like we sound or look intelligent. We need a chance to collect ourselves, but can't under that kind of pressure when everyone is expecting you to smile and say something that lives up to what someone just said about you. One has to gage the audience and calculate what is expected and what you feel and think about it and then form a responce that is neither too arrogant nor too humble, the right length and tone for the time and place, etc. etc. It's just a pain. If a compliment comes from an individual who is close to the introvert in question, not only is it much more meaningfull, but because it's one on one they're able to process and engage the conversation more easily which makes it a more pleasant experience. I think if Introverts have a chance to prepare ahead of time for some public recognition it can make it easier, especially when they know what response is expected from them, but catching us off-guard by drawing attention to us isn't usually very comfortable for us to know how to deal with. Often public recognition feels less about us and more about the person drawing people's attention to us because they are the one directing the situation. A personal compliment means more because there aren't all these other people involved, it's more intimate and feels more honnest and more like it's really about me, rather than about making a scene. 

Also, it usually doesn't really mean much except from a few people who are close to us or who we respect, everyone else's admiration isn't necessarily very important because they are not connected to our lives in a meaningfull way. For example, I don't care what the weather is like 1,000 miles away because it has no impact on my experience, likewise I don't care what random people think of me because their oppinions aren't going to have an impact on my life.


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## Adasta (Nov 22, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Your ENFP friends consort with you. Not sure if you consider yourself a fool.
> 
> 
> Anyway, back to the mind of introverts. Carry on..


Poor reasoning there. Just because ENFPs have foolish friends that does not make all ENFPs' friends fools.

ENFPs have far less strict friendship criteria than INFPs. As far as I'm aware, looking at the ENFP and smiling is pretty much the baseline. I breeze past ENFP criteria because, well, INFPs are Mirror-relations and it's a comfortable for both parties.

In terms of compliments: I love receiving genuine, heartfelt compliments. I love giving them too, but they are rare moments, and I only do it when the time is right.


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## Coziene (Jun 11, 2012)

INTJ here. I do not like compliments, nor do I like being in the spotlight. I know people around me who think I am doing such a fantastic job, that they drag me into the spotlight of putting me up for awards, and that in doing so make me give speeches and brief people, when they have the need to (they're extraverts). I don't understand why people feel the need to think they are accomplished by being in the spotlight. Are most extraverts that loudly insecure?

I'm not saying that I hate awards. Sometimes I get a good feeling of accomplishment when I see an award on my desk, or someone compliments me, but all it does is cement that I try to be competent in what I do. It also shows that my trying to be competent is working, or that people are just oblivious to the fact I am incompetent, which makes me work harder. I _enjoy_ being in the background keeping the gears moving. I _thrive_ on seeing plans and events go to fruition. But I don't _need_ to be publicly acknowledged and thanked for doing what I am doing. I am just doing my job. If I wasn't, then someone else can do my job. 

To be honest, being in the spotlight stresses me out a lot, and aggravates me. Just recently my boss came up to me and told me that he put me in for a trip that costs over two grand, to attend a few days worth of meetings that I could really benefit from and can push my career and networking. The catch is that I need to brief about 50 people that could cut me up and devour me, present an article, and give my findings on the meeting. 
I was not happy, because 1) I did not ask for it or was not even consulted about it and, 2) I dread having to write an article that depends on my Inferior Se that I can't depend on for my life (e.g. on speeches very important people are giving, how they effect us, etc), and that I dread going before so many people to give my findings.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

zynthaxx said:


> OK, so now I'm confused and trying to understand extroverts: If having "Happy Birthday" sung to them is awkward for most people, why would anyone even think of doing that to them? Then there's nothing weird with introverts who in that case just are more expressive than extroverts in showing they actually mind being subject to this atrocity.


Yes. We admire your strength. 



Adasta said:


> Poor reasoning there. Just because ENFPs have foolish friends that does not make all ENFPs' friends fools.
> 
> ENFPs have far less strict friendship criteria than INFPs. As far as I'm aware, looking at the ENFP and smiling is pretty much the baseline. I breeze past ENFP criteria because, well, INFPs are Mirror-relations and it's a comfortable for both parties.


Sigh.. We are often misunderstood. Just like when people think we flirting with them when we are not. 

ENFPs often will have many _aquaintances_ but we have a few rare people who are our real "friends". Just because we smile and are friendly does not mean we will let you inside. I have one or two people who are special and whom I'm open with. 



Coziene said:


> I don't understand why people feel the need to think they are accomplished by being in the spotlight. Are most extraverts that loudly insecure?


 In my op I stated that the extroverts I know and "_don't mind_ the spotlight" and could "_appreciate_" a compliment. No where did I state that we derived our security from it nor did I say our self worth was based on validation from others. Because it's really not in my case. We all have strengths and dealing people is one of mine.


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## Impermanence (Apr 24, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
> 
> ...


I don't mind being a part of the spot light, but I don't want to be in the center of it. Maybe it's because people in the spot light have people put high expectations on them? Maybe sub consciously I just don't want to let anyone down. I have no idea why I get embarassed so easily. I blush heavily if I get a compliment about my looks or personality. It's not an insult to compliment me, but I prefer if you are more subtle about it but still get the point across.


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## Anonynony (Jun 24, 2012)

*So do you not need compliments or what?* 
I don't need them, but I like them :wink: Criticism is cool too.
*
How exactly does that work for you?* Compliments-"Hmmm, so that's how I am", think of a scientist observing something. Criticism is the same way plus "how can I make this not happen?" lol

*I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you? *
I don't mind the spotlight, but sometimes it can be embarressing. It really matters what the situation is. Sometimes I have a superiorty complex though :wink:


*Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? Yes, it embarrassed me, no is not an insult is just annoying and a waste of time.
How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?
* I get embarrassed when people look at me when I did something embarrassing!:tongue: I think of it as an insult. I just act like it didn't bother me because it doesn't really bother me, I get over stuff fast roud: 

*Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.*
I like being in the background because I feel like a spy roud:lol. I don't really care where I am though, I just end up in the back because people who HAVE to be front & center push me to the side. It's easier not to have a conflict.
*
Introverts, how do you want to be commended? *
Nice job(not sarcastic though!) 
I'd rather overhear someone compliment me than hear it from someone talking directly to me.

*Please state your type when responding.
*INTP :kitteh:

*Thank you.*


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

I actually don't mind it at all. I love getting compliments, and if it's in public in front of people, even better! I don't mind the spotlight either. I can't get enough of it actually haha. I don't think it has anything to do with being introveted though. I know plenty of extroverts who don't like being complimented.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

KindOfBlue06 said:


> I actually don't mind it at all. I love getting compliments, and if it's in public in front of people, even better! I don't mind the spotlight either. I can't get enough of it actually haha. I don't think it has anything to do with being introveted though. I know plenty of extroverts who don't like being complimented.


Those shoes really look nice on you. :wink:


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?


I don't have the time to read the entire thread, but I will say this: Yeah, some of us _do _need/desire outside validation. I willingly admit that I desire it. 
Maybe it's just because I'm a 6w7. INTJs are supposed to be self-confident and stuff, after all. :dry:

Anyway, I might want it, but I don't want the attention drawn to myself. Tell me a compliment--a real one, not "your eyes are pretty"--relatively quietly and while alone or in front of a few people. Don't expect me to say much more than, "Thank you:" I mean thank you, quite sincerely, but I've no wish (nor clue how) to say much more in response. I'll probably try to brush off the compliment, even though it means a lot. Please don't think it means nothing to me when I clear my throat and mumble thanks while looking away.

No crowds, no yelling, no spotlight. (And preferably no singing.) I can handle a couple of "WHOO"s if it's fairly important to you/me, but again it has to be fairly private or, at least, short-term.

But please don't try to flatter me. Flattery is pointless. Flattery makes me think you want something.


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## caraez (Mar 31, 2010)

zynthaxx said:


> ISTP here:
> I don't hesitate to say that I thrive on validation. But the hard currency in validation is respect. Having people gather around me to praise me doesn't necessarily mean they respect what I did or even understand the work I put into getting it done. Basically, I'd much rather have a single person whom I categorize as an expert tell me I did a good job than having all the people in the building giving me a round of applause. The first is a concrete benchmark of an achievement. The latter is just a socially driven, subjective thing which doesn't actually give me any concrete frame of reference for future development.


I relate to this a lot. I really want objective, valuable critique on what I do, whether its my work or how I handle things as a person. I want to improve as a person and in my work so compliments are appreciated and make me happy and proud, but critique is also appreciated.*


So do you not need compliments or what?* 

I don't need compliments, but if I get too much criticism without compliments to balance it out then I do start to feel down. Note I'm more willing to count criticism than compliments.

*How exactly does that work for you?* 

I appreciate genuine, insightful comments on my work and personhood. 1. It helps me understand myself better by catching a glimpse of myself in an objective light, and I constantly want to understand myself better. 2. It gives me an opportunity to improve certain things about myself and become better.

*I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you? *

I never steal the spotlight, but I can gracefully accept it when it's forced on me. It's not unpleasant, but its more pleasant when it's not on me.

*Why do you get embarrassed? *

I don't get embarrassed, I get uneasy. When I see it coming, I have to plan out what I'll say and such. This is referring to having the spotlight more than compliments, by the way. Genuine compliments I no longer get embarrassed by, though I did when I was younger. 

*Is it an insult to compliment you?* 

No. But the in genuine/un-insightful ones tire me. I hate hearing "You're so smart!" or "I wish I was as tall as you!" It's so... banal. I'd rather hear "Your comments on the class discussion gave me something to think about." or "You handle your tall-ness with such grace."

This is partly because they give some new insight in how I am on an objective basis and partly because they're things that are more things that I did rather than things I was born with, and thus I can be prouder of them. With the second example, I'd be likely to be relieved I'm not as awfully awkward as I thought, haha.

*How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? *

It makes me feel violated. Like, usually I have this attention deflecting shield of quietness watching everyone else and observing them and enjoying figuring them out and such. I protect the things I tell people and filter my world. I don't like to give myself away unless I purposely want someone to understand something about me. When everyone's paying attention to me, it's like that shield is gone. I feel vulnerable, like everyone's trying to figure me out like I usually do to them, and I don't want them to unless I can control it. _I want to control what other people know and think about me, and I lose that control when everyone's paying attention to me at once._

*How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?*

I would develop a thoughtful, insightful compliment about what you did and write it in a card or something. If I really wanted it to be public, I'd do it differently depending on the situation. At work, maybe get a cake. At school, maybe balloons. I don't mind participating and even initiating more public appreciation methods, but I wouldn't make it obnoxiously loud or intrusive, ever. It'd be subtle even though everyone knows about it.

*Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.*

I can go along with it and be gracious too, and I won't hate it, but I do have to brace myself for it and do it anxiously. It all has to do with what I described before about controlling the situation in my own way by deflecting the attention from myself. I like to understand everything and everyone around me, but I don't want them to understand me except for what I want them to understand about me. 

I can be a bit socially manipulative this way, I guess. I handle people in order to feel comfortable and safe with the situation. For example, I often use the fact that people tend to see me as so innocent in order to carve myself a safe place where I won't get persecuted within a certain situation. I can operate without worry within this safe place, and it's easy to let them keep thinking what they think about me unless I choose to reveal more for whatever reason. 

That's how I deal with pretending to be extraverted and dealing with extraverted situations. I may eventually toss the shield with a certain person and just be who I am, but that's rare. I'm not sure there's a single person around whom I act with wild abandon all the time.

*Introverts, how do you want to be commended? *

Something subtle. For example, getting everyone at work to sign a card and giving it to me is a million times better than throwing a party in the break room. Plus, its something I can treasure to look back on when people appreciated something I did, which makes me feel like I did something right in the world. 

*Please state your type when responding.*
INFP


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## CompassRose (Jul 25, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you?


I'm an INFJ. 

So you have to understand that there's a CONSTANT process of highly-emotional-meta-introspection going on in my mind. Consequentially, when a person compliments me in a hearty or flambuoyant way, my reaction fits loosely into these categories: 

A. I know I deserved that praise, and I am intensely pleased that someone noticed I deserved it. I am doubly pleased about this because I would *never* have drawn attention to my own merits so vocally, even though I want people to be aware of this merit/accomplishment. Why don't I bring my awesomeness to people's attention? First, because that could be construed as arrogance, which is something I am not and do not want to be and fear that people may think I am. Secondly, because I'm not quite sure that I actually am that great. THIS EVENTUALLY BOILS DOWN TO: My fear of appearing arrogant makes me attempt to look humble (because at the bottom of it all, I actually AM extremely humble...i think), but this usually ends up looking like embarassment and even disdain. There is also some bona-fide embarassment going on because I don't brag about myself and I don't want to seem like I enjoy recieving praise too much because that would be inconsistent. (If you think too hard about pride and humility they eventually become the same thing. And you can see this struggle in real life when you compliment an INFJ! :laughing

B. (The other way I react to compliments...) I don't think I deserved that compliment AT ALL. I don't believe I'm that good. And even if I have an inkling that I am that good, I'm too insecure about that hunch to show it. Since I don't think you could possibly MEAN what you're saying (because surely I'm not that awesome!), I conclude that you are being insincere. And once I decide you're being insincere, I throw up my defensive walls so you can't hurt my feelings--hence the lack of warm, gracious response. Then, I try desperately to look both completely unfazed and mildly grateful at the same time. If I could do that, I could protect my ego if you ARE making fun of me, and at the same time keep from hurting your feelings if you're NOT making fun of me. As it turns out, looking unfazed and grateful at the same time is impossible. The attempt probably looks like a mix of embarassment and disgust. 


WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Compliment us anyway, and let us know you're sincere. (You could do this by giving us an honest look in the eyes and saying, "I mean it.") 


And while I'm writing you a novel....



pinkrasputin said:


> I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually.


Well, for me at least, this is true. I don't feel a NEED for outside validation as far as compliments and praise goes. 

But that doesn't mean I don't LOVE it. I only expect outside validation if I have had an outstanding public achievement, and then I'm not fazed by it because I expect it to happen. Otherwise, I do NOT expect praise or compliments, and I generally don't think I deserve them. Even if I'm working my butt off (which I do), I don't expect people to tell me I'm doing a good job. I'm focused on working towards my goal, not on what people think about it. But when someone breaks through that and compliments/praises me... 

It's like Christmas has come early. 

Example: I got phenomenal grades all through high school, but my parents were never ones to reward me for that. They would say "good job" and "We're so proud of you," but the fact that I was working hard and doing well was pretty much understood. This made sense to me. This didn't bother me. But then, my grandmother got me a necklace for doing well on my SAT's. That validation made me so happy that I cried. I cried and cried and cried...


So there you go. Your healthy dose of insecurity and emotional complication for the day. I bet you wish you could live in my head all the time. :wink:


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## TrailMix (Apr 27, 2011)

I'm an INTP

I always enjoy compliments when I judge them to be sincere, though I dislike them at the same time because I dont know how to respond socially to them. I feel guilty if I dont share a compliment of equal "value" of the other person, and thus I feel awkward receiving them. I'd rather see a compliment on paper or in an official document. One that I didn't feel obligated to repay, essentially. I enjoy dishing compliments though. haha, but only deserved ones.

I dont _need_ compliments though. I'd rather hear objective statements that are more honest than they are supportive. I'd rather hear "You're a 5 out of ten because blablabla" than hear "You're a 10/10, I love you honey, you rock!" Because thats 1. stupid and 2. misconstrued. I like compliments that I feel I deserve. Nothing more.

I dont like attention from crowds because I dont like the idea of people judging me, and I've always felt judged. Its less of an insecurity thing, more because I feel like people won't really understand who I am if I dont get one-on-one time with them. I am by no means a quiet person when I'm among my friends and I can be an attention whore at times, but again, thats only with my best friends. Groups of more than 6 or so, and I begin to sink into the background, piping up for clever comments or something, but not wanting more attention than that.

I just prefer to observe at that point... I dont really know why, but it becomes overwhelming for me haha... Again, its not so much of an insecurity thing... its more of a "woah... what am I doing now? slow down everyone!" haha


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Aelthwyn said:


> Introverts do need compliments and to be recognized for their strengths, however attention from more than one or two people at once usually isn't enjoyable for us which is why we don't like public recognition. It's a little like the dead birds your cat leaves you as gifts.....thanks but....now I have to clean this up. Having attention directed toward us from multiple sources is unnerving, distracting, causes us to feel flustered, 'overstimulates' us, we feel pressured to say something or act in a way that pleases and impresses the onlookers but because we are experiencing overload we aren't quite in control of ourselves and can't think fast enough to feel like we sound or look intelligent. We need a chance to collect ourselves, but can't under that kind of pressure when everyone is expecting you to smile and say something that lives up to what someone just said about you. One has to gage the audience and calculate what is expected and what you feel and think about it and then form a responce that is neither too arrogant nor too humble, the right length and tone for the time and place, etc. etc. It's just a pain. If a compliment comes from an individual who is close to the introvert in question, not only is it much more meaningfull, but because it's one on one they're able to process and engage the conversation more easily which makes it a more pleasant experience. I think if Introverts have a chance to prepare ahead of time for some public recognition it can make it easier, especially when they know what response is expected from them, but catching us off-guard by drawing attention to us isn't usually very comfortable for us to know how to deal with. Often public recognition feels less about us and more about the person drawing people's attention to us because they are the one directing the situation. A personal compliment means more because there aren't all these other people involved, it's more intimate and feels more honnest and more like it's really about me, rather than about making a scene.
> 
> Also, it usually doesn't really mean much except from a few people who are close to us or who we respect, everyone else's admiration isn't necessarily very important because they are not connected to our lives in a meaningfull way. For example, I don't care what the weather is like 1,000 miles away because it has no impact on my experience, likewise I don't care what random people think of me because their oppinions aren't going to have an impact on my life.


This is a great explanation. Thank you! And LMAO...I love the "dead bird" analogy.

************************************************

All your responses have been great. I'm understanding better how distracting a barrage of compliments or accolades may be for some of you (correct me if I'm wrong, please). 

*I'm curious as to how leadership plays into this as an introvert? As a leader, you have to take the spotlight often. How do you manage this? *


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## caraez (Mar 31, 2010)

*I'm curious as to how leadership plays into this as an introvert? As a leader, you have to take the spotlight often. How do you manage this? 

*1. I only lead if I feel I must to achieve something I value or am passionate about, in the first place. Like if I'm frustrated with the lack of progress in a group project, I'll take over. Or I'll run for president of a service club if I feel I can take it in the right direction.

2. I tend to lead with a friendly, 'let's do this together' kind of demeanor instead of a 'here's what we'll do' demeanor. I usually try to sit down with the members rather than stand in front of them if I can and pretend I'm just chatting to a group of friends. If I must stand, I use a podium to hide behind, haha. Plus, it just gets easier with multiple meetings with the same people. It's even fun to joke around and lead the discussion. Leading is still wearing, especially if you're not making the progress you hoped and aren't achieving your goals.

I think the difference is that with leading, you're prepared most of the time and you're controlling the situation and the controlling the crowd rather than being out of control if someone suddenly says "Happy birthday!" and brings people over to sing.

Also, I have no talent whatsoever in leading a situation that's already out of control. I can only lead well if they lend their respect and want me to lead.


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## NeedsNewNameNow (Dec 1, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?


I suppose I do like to be recognized. It's the 'how' that's a problem.



> Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").


Yes, don't! Well I should say don't put me on the spot in front of a group of people. Especially ones I don't know. I suppose I get embarassed because I'm not used to a lot of attention, and when there is sudden, unexpected attention from a group of people at once, it's very uncomfortable.



> Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.


INTP- sincere compliments are fine.
Some people compliment just to have something nice to say. I see right through that and it means nothing.
Other times people seem to compliment to draw attention to themselves. I don't like that either.

EDIT: I used to relate to the "don't know how to respond" thing. I've learned, so that isn't a problem for me now.


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## Borrowed Lunacy (Sep 30, 2011)

I have a schizophrenic divide over compliments. I can feel great on top of the world, or try and bury them to avoid all feeling. And I don't know how I'm going to react to any given compliment . Being a pretty girl is a sure fire way for me to bury the compliment though. I guess if it involves a compliment that goes against my core beliefs that I am not worth anyone's time (I have Avoidant Personality disorder, I rationalise the fact that I never want to take risks by rationalising that others would ever respond positively to me) then I'll take that comment and use it to illogically fuel my world belief. (S/he must be pulling my leg, further proof that I'm worthless)
I need to get back in touch with my psychologist. I deserve better :/


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## EbonyTigger (Apr 13, 2012)

Personally, I don't like having a lot of people look at me. I prefer to be in the background letting someone else get all the attention.


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## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

AstralSoldier said:


> I don't need as many compliments as an extrovert, and I don't go out looking for them. I know what I'm capable of doing and depending on someone else to give me that feed back would undermine MY self-confidence/independence in my ability to get something done; its like painting a portrait and not thinking it's any good unless everyone in class agrees it's so! I couldn't imagine needing to depend on people that way! My confidence would be shot!. Knowing I'm competent through self-discovery actually VALIDATES the ability as something that is real because it wasn't reflected through the eyes of another person out of pity, bias, or circumstance; it was determined by me, myself.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You do seem to like to assert yourself extensively. Many of the things you say or display, don't have much to do with introversion.


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## HamsterSamurai (Jun 28, 2012)

*I'm curious as to how leadership plays into this as an introvert? As a leader, you have to take the spotlight often. How do you manage this?
*
I'm fine with being the center of attention if I know what I'm doing and am prepared for it. It's the same principle as when people force you into the spotlight: It's only uncomfortable because we don't know how to respond and that is stressful. As a leader I am usually in control of when I am in the spotlight.


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## petitpèlerin (Apr 23, 2012)

I have no aversion to compliments in any form. Most of all, I love to get one from someone I see as wise or competent, and I love it if it's something they noticed that other people wouldn't have noticed that's unique about me or something I like about myself. A "nice job" for doing something anybody can do or a "you look nice today" means almost nothing, especially it it's from someone who doesn't particularly get who I am. I don't mind being (briefly) given the spotlight in front of others, although I don't need it. What I love most is to be approached one-on-one for a sincere compliment, like it's a little secret. It's subtle and it's intimate, and I can then enjoy the moment and respond unselfconsciously, since I don't have to be concerned with being gracious in front of onlookers. The little secret then is that they see and appreciate something about who I really am. That makes me feel accepted and connected, since my INFJ personality means that I'm mostly hidden and unknown to most people.



CompassRose said:


> let us know you're sincere. (You could do this by giving us an honest look in the eyes and saying, "I mean it.")


Perfectly said.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
> 
> ...


INTJ here.

1. I don't care about compliments because I already have an opinion of myself.
2. Keep your spotlight. I don't need it.
3. I just don't like too much external stimulation. And I find excessive compliments to be largely insincere. Compliments usually mean something to me when they come from people I care about or admire deeply, the people I strongly respect. Don't show public appreciation though. 
4. I don't know why I prefer to be behind the scenes rather than the front lines, but it's just something I've always done, and I find it rather enjoyable. It's something I have a knack for and I don't plan on stopping it anytime soon.


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

HamsterSamuri said:


> *I'm curious as to how leadership plays into this as an introvert? As a leader, you have to take the spotlight often. How do you manage this?
> *
> I'm fine with being the center of attention if I know what I'm doing and am prepared for it. It's the same principle as when people force you into the spotlight: It's only uncomfortable because we don't know how to respond and that is stressful. As a leader I am usually in control of when I am in the spotlight.


Hmm that would be easy. I have ended up or I should say been chosen to lead groups before. The way I did it was through a combination of bonding 1 to 1 with the team members, being inspirational and providing the basic plan/structure for the group. All I basically did was keep them together, keep them focused on the tasks, motivate them and facilitate a sort of democratic leadership.

I wasn't in charge at all, no one was, but they came to me to solve the problems simply because a) I'm good at solving problems b) they liked ad trusted me.

Didn't really have to be much in the spotlight and when I had to, I could handle it no prob.

Now I'm more of a ambivert at best *however I'm less social then some introverts I know* and normally I hate being part of the group (unless I have some degree of control over what is going on, such as in the above mentioned).

Thing with me is that too much alone time depresses me and too much contact with people drains me as well. There is a sweet spot in the middle. On a personal note I'm cynical when it comes to most people and don't particularly like "people"...especially with all the shit most of us do. *A more revolutionary perspective on introversion is that I and E are not on the same scale. introversion is on the autism scale. In essence introverts are higher up the autism scale then non introverts,asperger syndrome is even higher and autistic people are at the top.*


As a general rule, too much of anything is bad , the sweet spot is always in the middle.


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## Marianna (Jun 15, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> so do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?


Perhaps _need_ is a strong word. I would say I don't feel it's very important to be given compliments. It depends on the situation.



pinkrasputin said:


> Why do you get embarrassed?


I am naturally shy, so any type of situation where people pay too much attention to me makes me feel very awkward.



pinkrasputin said:


> Is it an insult to compliment you?


No, it isn't an insult. It's ok to compliment someone but it has to be sincere. 



pinkrasputin said:


> How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (i'm guessing you're going to say "don't").


Don't :tongue:
You can show appreciation but not in public. A compliment in an one-to-one conversation is better.



pinkrasputin said:


> Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground?


It gives me more freedom



pinkrasputin said:


> introverts, how do you want to be commended?


With subtlety.



pinkrasputin said:


> Please state your type when responding. Thank you.


INFP


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## Anonynony (Jun 24, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> Please state your type when responding. Thank you.


Why do we have to do that? It says our types on the left-hand side.



But anyways...... INTP MUTHAH LUVAH! roud:


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

FigureSkater said:


> Why do we have to do that? It says our types on the left-hand side.


 I never bother to look which forum I'm posting in. I asked it just as a precaution. 





> But anyways...... INTP MUTHAH LUVAH! roud:


I'm sure your mother is proud.


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## Anonynony (Jun 24, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> I never bother to look which forum I'm posting in. I asked it just as a precaution.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure your mother is proud.


Oh! ok!

I bet she is.


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## lovelysound (Jun 20, 2012)

This is a great thought. Thank you for posting!
I am an INFP. I write music and though I do not write with others in mind, when I do share I like feedback. I don't like polite positive feedback. I want the gritty, raw feedback. I want to know how it affected you personally, what it meant to you as an individual etc. I feel commended when I can tell that someone has been personally affected by whatever it is they are complimenting me on.


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## ToiletWater13 (Jun 7, 2011)

> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?



No, we don't need compliments. Never, _ever_ compliment an introvert, it pisses us off. I have never been angrier than when someone tells me I'm talented at something or that they enjoy something I do. Okay, I'm being sarcastic.

Introverts are like...people or something. We like being complimented as much as extraverts. Just like there are some extraverts who don't like being complimented, there are introverts who don't like it. "How does that work for you?" is kind of a vague question, so I'll keep going with some of your other statement/questions and see if I can help more there. 




> Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").




I can only speak for myself, but I get embarrassed if there's a lot of complimenting going on...I suppose I don't really know why, I just do. I don't know how to respond. "Thank you" sounds too arrogant and complimenting back seems insincere. If I'm receiving a well-intended compliment from a good friend or someone I know well, I know better how to respond and, rather than getting embarrassed, I may actually be flattered (which is most likely the intent of a compliment). I think that's because I'm certain that the compliment means exactly what it says, and it's not a ploy to get at something else. Sometimes, if someone I don't know well compliments me, I'm tempted to say "Okay, what do you want?". It's not because I'm mean, I'm just suspicious of other peoples' motives (I think INFJs tend to be, and I'm an INFJ). Also, I tend to be better with receiving more specific compliments. For example, if I send something I've been writing to someone, and they tell me I had excellent word choice and they could picture everything in their head, I will take that as a compliment and express gratitude more gracefully; "Thank you! That's exactly what I was going for." If it's a random "You look good in that outfit," or something to that effect, I'll probably wonder if you're trying to get me to tell you how I think you look. It's not necessarily an insult to compliment us, we aren't that paradoxical (and contrary to what you might believe, some of us will go out of our way to get compliments), we just aren't as given to the spotlight as extraverts are. We like being appreciated for our talents, but at least with me personally, I want to know for certain that the compliment is a compliment- not a social pretense. Although I know some of the other introverts responded by saying "Don't," I have a different take on being complimented publicly. For me, the problem is a matter of- even if I know you, I don't know the other people around. I don't like feeling like I'm being watched. If they're other people I know or can ignore, it won't bother me- but introverts may be more negatively sensitive to the idea of having a lot of people focused on them. For me, it's like...maybe like having the paparazzi around you, taking pictures and asking invasive questions. If I am good friends with the people around, it's not a problem- I like having the attention of the people I know and love, but if I don't know the people, it's awkward. It's kind of exhausting. 

Of course, there are exceptions to this. I don't mind if one of my more extraverted friends talks me up to their friends before or while introducing me, for example. One of my best friends, an ENFP, introduced me as "the best friend she could ever have," and I appreciated that because I find it hard to self-promote and I never know how to introduce myself. It also can flip their initial impression of me to be a little more positive. 




> I'm sorry.




Don't be sorry. :tongue: It's a reasonable question. At least you're actually asking, rather than just doing it at the risk of offending someone rather than flattering them.




> Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground?




Not all introverts hang out in the back-ground, believe it or not. There are plenty of introverts at the fore-front of Hollywood at the moment. However, there are at least two reasons that introverts may take to being a wall-flower versus having a lot of attention on us. One reason is that we don't feel the need to be in the foreground. It takes more energy from us to act and re-act to the attention of others than it does to sit on the sidelines and watch. See, extraverts tend to get their energy externally, often from the attention and ideas of other people. Introverts, on the other hand, are their own little energy-making machines. We prefer to hang back and just watch the scene, keeping our energy to ourselves. Sometimes, even just being out around a lot of other people can be draining enough. The second reason is that, in some cases, introverts just can't figure out how to get to the foreground. Although we enjoy watching and may indulge in fantasies of having a lot of attention on us, in reality, we find that we just don't have it in us to make it there unless we get pulled in and introduced. We don't make enough noise or cause enough drama to get there on our own merit. 




> Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.




I've already said I'm an INFJ, but I'll say it again: I'm an INFJ.
Personally, I prefer to be commended by writing. It's easier for me to respond to and with writing than it is vocally. If you want to compliment me out loud, try to give maybe some kind of reasoning for it. For example; "Oh, by the way, I read your poem in yesterday's school newsletter. I thought it was really good! It had great style." It doesn't shock me as much, so I won't be as thrown by it and I'm more likely to take the compliment as it was intended. If we're in public, around a lot of people, try to keep it short; "I like the way you died your hair." Be careful with over-kill compliments, introverts tend to be suspicious of overt flattery.

I'd take appreciation to flattery any day, though maybe that's just me (to me, they are different terms entirely).

I hope I helped and didn't make you more confused.


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## Raichan (Jul 15, 2010)

INFJ

I think this is more so about values rather than introversion. It's about balance for me, I can handle compliments, just not excessive except if they are from my boyfriend (as he knows me best). It depends on who and what and why (sorry can't help it). I am happy when I receive unexpected compliments from strangers or things that I subconsciously know I need to hear (especially on occasions when I tend to beat myself up or overlook what I've done) for example, but it is not necessary to go all the way.

It's more to do with my values rather than being embarrassed.


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## Adasta (Nov 22, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> Why do you get embarrassed?


I'm happier if everyone if happy rather than if I am being lauded.



pinkrasputin said:


> Is it an insult to compliment you?


No - it's great!



pinkrasputin said:


> How come you do not like a group of people focused on you?


I wouldn't know what to do. If I have a function, I can do it. I'm a good public speaker. But being the loud one is so boring. I mean...why? I don't get why I would do that. There is no reason to try and steal the "limelight" of a conversation or gathering. Plus, I already know what I think. Why would I share it?



pinkrasputin said:


> How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").


I guess you mean extrovert.

Just say that I'm nice. That's fine.



pinkrasputin said:


> Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground?


Because people in the limelight are just desperate to display their flaws to everyone. It's like a show. All the extroverts seem like marionettes, but I can see the strings.



pinkrasputin said:


> Introverts, how do you want to be commended?


A sincere expression of emotion one-on-one.



pinkrasputin said:


> Please state your type when responding. Thank you.


INFP.


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## AimfortheBrain (Nov 2, 2010)

I like compliments. I don't believe introversion has anything to do with disliking compliments. The problems though arise when someone praises me, compliments me, or draws any kind of attention to me and then I don't react the way they want me to. I'd say the number one comment I get from people is that I appear to be disinterested in whats going on since I don't react enthusiastically enough. People constantly mistake my introverted reactions to things with apathy, snobbery, or disinterest. So basically even when I'm getting a compliment, I still end up letting others down because my reaction isn't what they want from me. The reality is that I'm just not expecting or seeking to make sure that every reaction I have is completely, externally clear to the world. So a lot of the time I am really enjoying myself and feeling great about getting some attention and then people comment on how bored I look which makes me feel like I've let everyone down.

Also, as a woman, I've noticed that a lot of women just ooze with charm as a tool to keep a conversation flowing (Fe maybe? I don't know). But since it's obviously a tool to keep the conversation going I don't feel comfortable reacting to it with a genuine enthusiasm. So again, this comes off as apathy or not wanting to participate. 

Sometimes I like the spotlight since I tend to feel like I am always in the background, but again, I don't want to be pressured into reacting "properly" to this spotlight. For me, having attention drawn to me just makes me feel like I owe people some kind of specific reaction, and that is hard to make happen.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

I appreciate compliments only when I feel they are deserved.
It's easier to listen than to talk so maintaining the spotlight it very draining. Also I tend to think about what I say, so I can look inside first then respond, unless i feel like being random and kind of let things just come out from what I assume is almost the sub conscious or something. I feel best when im in a group of people and I can just pop in here and there, leading others socially is too much for me for too long.
I can come off like an asshole because I rather not force myself to amuse too often unless im feeling pretty good if its one on one. I like to take my time, I probably drown you if you stumble upon something I take interest in. 
I think i probably express my thoughts better in writing than verbally, in person I spend on a lot of my focus on other social information like voice tone, eye contact, body language, the current environment, people near by. So i kind of overthink or I just stop thinking and like to be brain dead and not care much about those things which usually results in me being a bit socially inept.
Like theres some sort of social schema that i dont always seem to abide by.

Since I lack charming nature and im sometimes perceived as a bit odd, I like to explain my thoughts honestly in an attempt to help others see my perspective. I cant just show them the end result of my thoughts but have to kind of take them on the journey of my thought process sometimes.
Also being introverted, I guess prompts a bit of a selfish thing in that im more concerned with my inner world than the outside sometimes, perhaps thats a personality thing. Either way, i can be completely oblivious to things happening when im focusing on one thing. I can miss a lot of obvious things in the real world which makes me seem a bit daft.


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## KnightsWhoSayNiTeFiSe (Aug 10, 2012)

I am not a fan of compliments due to the fact that as an INTJ, the standards that I hold myself to far exceed the level of performance that I am being complimented for. Even if I perform to a higher standard then was expected by my boss or whomever, I still failed to attain my own internal standard of performance. So any compliment seems fake to me because it directly contradicts my views on my performance.


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## mirrorghost (Sep 18, 2012)

*So do you not need compliments or what?* 

i don't mind compliments, but it depends on what the compliment is about and who it is from. i can smell insincerity a mile away. once you get some insincere manipulative comments, you can become wary of all others. but a genuine compliment on something more than "nice shoes" means a lot to me. (though i like those compliments too.)

*I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you? *

i HATE being the center of attention. everyone gawking silently. i just choke up. i am not just introverted, i'm shy. as an N, i am better at writing my thoughts than speaking them, so public speaking, for instance, is a particularly potent nightmare for me.

*Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?

* a group of people focused on me sounds like a nightmare. i may sound kind of scrooge-y but i just don't like most people. i tend to get kind of misanthropic at times. so, you know, that leads to...don't really care what most people think of me. i like individuals, but humanity as a whole..not so much. so from that, group recognition really doesn't mean much to me. 

it's not an _insult _to compliment me, they just aren't the most important thing. and they mean more to me from someone who knows me well than from someone who doesn't. i guess it seems more sincere that way. i would never want public appreciation. it makes me feel awkward.

*Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.*

i dunno, i'm just this way-i like to observe and daydream and imagine. also, if i am interpreting correctly, "going along with the public game" sounds SJish to me, so i am not interested in that. i probably misunderstood though.*

Introverts, how do you want to be commended? *

just some nice sincere words, one on one, is fine.

*Please state your type when responding.

*INFP


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## Wolls (Oct 9, 2012)

<--Potential _INTP_

I'll be blunt. In terms of competence / redundancy:

*(Desire of Competence)
*
In the beginning of any task/job I spend a massive amount of effort just laying down basic groundwork, which is to say, I'm trying to figure out what my job is and how to do it plus _HOW / WHAT_ *I *do fits in with what everyone else is doing ( a small picture expanded to include the bigger picture ).

Within this stage I am almost never congratulated or given compliments ( In one word I am '_unremarkable_' also personally, this stage takes the longest ), despite the fact that this is exactly when guidance is not just preferred but necessary.

In that I am still trying to figure things out, so saying -'Good job; Atta boy!; What was that??; No no Nooo!; Good!; Ooookay, SOoo we only have to take everything down and START AGAIN.... no problem..'- helps me in my quest for competence. As mentioned, this process is slow, such that in school/work most of my bosses or fellow students/workers _SEEM_ to believe that I'm not doing anything of significance.


***_ANYONE / THE FEW_ people who do seem to recognize/validate me during this process, is someone I will immediately respect. Anyone who thrashes/flames me... well . .its um . .harder ( ha-ha but seriously in this stage I attribute to everyone a greater knowledge than mine, so I don't understand and even _LESS SO_ take it personally). 

In the picture into bigger picture sense, I readily admit to having no perspective and I bring this up because during this faze, as an Introvert, I do want/*LIKE* and need validation.


*(Feeling of Redundancy)*

-Achieved upon realization of competence. At this point compliments are no longer necessary.

This does not mean that I am above a compliment but as expressed within this thread, I will most likely reply in a non-verbal manner ( smile and nod; even if I am unsure why 'this attention to _ME_' is merited ).

And even if expressed by a respected person _I WILL _not be doing any jumping slash clapping slash _AWESOME_ jacks.. I am not trying to minimize here, I do want/*LIKE* and need validation!

. .Just, not so much in this phase.


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## shadeslayer16 (Oct 1, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?


It's half and half for me, but typically I don't need compliments. I don't like being complimented, not unless it's something regarding "great idea!", "good question", etc. I don't like being told I did a good job because it puts focus on me. And oftentimes compliments on appearance or a job-well-done feel patronizing, even if they aren't intended to be. I'm personally happy to do my thing and move on; I don't need validation of my actions. So long as I know I'm doing it right, I'm fine with being left alone.





pinkrasputin said:


> Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?


I get embarrassed because it puts me in some level of focus/center of attention, and I don't like that. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. Not embarrassed, but uncomfortable. It's just the way I am, I can't explain why it makes me feel uncomfortable exactly. That's something a psychologist could answer, probably. Maybe it's because my mother is an ISTP and let me do my thing as a child without telling me I was doing a great job regularly, or maybe it's because my dad was working a lot when I was younger and so focused on it that when we did do things together we were distracted by the goings-on around us (my best memories with him before the age of 13 - which was when he retired from 30 years in the military - were of going to baseball games) and as a result i didn't get many compliments from him. My house was very much you-do-your-own-thing-and-that's-great-for-you. We didn't get up in each others' business, and as a result *I am not used to being complimented*. So I do not know how to take it. Maybe combined with my level of self-confidence I question the source of such compliments and whether or not they're legitimate.
Like i say, ask a psychologist. I can't pinpoint an answer to this.
How can you show appreciation that doesn't make us go all weird? If you feel you just HAVE to do something for us and can't keep it contained, usually a simple 'thanks' or 'thank you' can do it for us. I'm personally more comfortable with 'thanks' than 'good job!'. Or just give us a little gift. Like a card? I don't know. That's the best advice I can offer.
And like it's been mentioned, mass attention can be draining. By getting us involved in situations with people that want to be around us saying things about us, we have to stay and talk with these people. That drains us. We'd rather be let alone. So like I say, a card or little gift of sorts would do. Leave it on our desks or hand it to us with a smile and walk away, what have you. We will appreciate the gesture. Just because we don't show it, it doesn't mean we don't appreciate it on some level.
Personally I will play the game if I have to, but the key words are *if I have to*. If you really want to thank someone and have them appreciate it, do it in a way that they would appreciate. Don't expect them to absolutely adore it when you throw them a congratulatory/thank-you party. If you truly cared about them you would find a way to thank them that is of *mutual* liking.

EDIT: I didn't truly answer why I like hanging out in the background. It goes back to the spotlight issue. And frankly I don't like getting in the middle of things; I'd rather sit back and observe what's going on around me. Like in Mean Girls, how Caty Heron kept comparing high school and the mall to the African jungle... I personally learn a lot from observing people, and it intrigues me. It's easier to understand people and observe when you're not in the middle of the situation.



pinkrasputin said:


> Please state your type when responding. Thank you.


I am an INTP according to MBTI. I'm relatively split in terms of S/N and P/J depending on which test you have me take, but I'm truly *INTP* based on the description.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
> 
> ...


I need compliments. I just don't like being the center of attention. It is great to hear good things about myself, but I wouldn't want to be told to stand up so everyone can stare at me while it is happening.

I like hanging out in the background because I get overwhelmed easily. Also, I don't know how I am expected to respond, or if I do know, the right way is usually something that feels unnatural and awkward. 

I am an INFP. I like being complimented privately.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

snail said:


> I need compliments. I just don't like being the center of attention. It is great to hear good things about myself, but I wouldn't want to be told to stand up so everyone can stare at me while it is happening.
> 
> I like hanging out in the background because I get overwhelmed easily. Also, I don't know how I am expected to respond, or if I do know, the right way is usually something that feels unnatural and awkward.
> 
> I am an INFP. I like being complimented privately.


So does this mean you place a high value on one-on-one relationships? 

It seems that a romantic union would be ideal for you. You would only receive compliments from your partner whom you trust and wouldn't place an expectation on you how to behave. And even if they did, at least it was only 1 person's expectation that you also care about. It wouldn't have to be a group's expectation with random people involved. I can see how that would be easier.

My boyfriend is an introvert. I really don't know his type. He _might_ be a feeler. Regardless of his type, I do know compliments mean a lot to him although he doesn't ask for them. He is extremely attentive and perceptive to me when we are alone. He is even like this to me when we go out in groups, but if my focus isn't on him, he is definitely a wall flower. I understand that. That is also why I would never ignore him in a group environment. I'm too sensitive to his "spacing out" or when a person feels not including. I'm wondering if he shares Fi with me? Who knows. I just know I get him.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

pinkrasputin said:


> So does this mean you place a high value on one-on-one relationships?
> 
> It seems that a romantic union would be ideal for you. You would only receive compliments from your partner whom you trust and wouldn't place an expectation on you how to behave. And even if they did, at least it was only 1 person's expectation that you also care about. It wouldn't have to be a group's expectation with random people involved. I can see how that would be easier.
> 
> My boyfriend is an introvert. I really don't know his type. He _might_ be a feeler. Regardless of his type, I do know compliments mean a lot to him although he doesn't ask for them. He is extremely attentive and perceptive to me when we are alone. He is even like this to me when we go out in groups, but if my focus isn't on him, he is definitely a wall flower. I understand that. That is also why I would never ignore him in a group environment. I'm too sensitive to his "spacing out" or when a person feels not including. I'm wondering if he shares Fi with me? Who knows. I just know I get him.


Yes, I place a high value on one-on-one relationships. I'm married to someone who compliments me several times a day, and I'm happy. I love compliments from other people... but only up to three people at a time. Anything more starts to feel uncomfortable. 

I'm glad you and your boyfriend understand each other and treat each other well.


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## You Sir Name (Aug 18, 2011)

infj here, and I hope I'm not too late and doing no service by posting this, but anyway

i actually enjoy compliments, depending on the situation.
if its just me and one person who I'm close with together, and there is no one else in our space, then it's fine to throw a quick compliment towards me; though I will still be tongue-tied and slightly embarrassed, not knowing how to accurately show my appreciation for the compliment. I really do enjoy them, though. it's nice to be reminded that people can appreciate what I have to offer.

I prefer hanging out in the background because I feel alienated by people in general; I don't identify with the rest of them, so I prefer to not be in the space of other people, I'm very sensitive and I don't like being constantly reminded of my loneliness.
plus, my senses are very sensitive, any loud sound is very jarring for me, so the idea of being in an area with constant high stimulation makes me want to cry and vomit and scream.


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## Hostile Sheep (May 2, 2012)

First off. I see introvertion/extrovertion as ways of gaining metal energy. Social interactions drain introverts and energize extroverts. Simple example: My highly beloved girlfriend came home the other day and was very tired after 8 hours at the university dealing with statistics. She decided to call her friends and go to the movies to refill her batteries. If I was tired like that I would never actively call my friends and arrange a social activity. Chances are I might cancel such an appointment if it was scheduled as I get my energy from solitary activity.*

So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?*
I do need compliments, but not too many, and certainly not from inappropriate people in inappropriate contexts.

*I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?*
I can certainly appreciate hearing good things about myself, but it must be under the right circumstances. 
Firstly I would need to care about your opinion. That means I either consider you a friend/family or loved one. If I do not know you well and I receive a too sincere compliment, it will likely go into the BS basket and be ignored. I am more flattered by compliments related to my actions than to me myself as a person.
Secondly I would prefer you to give me compliments on a one-to-one basis, and not in front of groups of people. This relates to your next questions.

*Why do you get embarrassed?*
I assume this relates to a group situation. I think you misinterpret the introverted reaction. I do not get embarrassed if you compliment me in front of a group of people. I am more likely to get annoyed or uncomfortable. The annoyance comes from exposing me to the attention of the group => higher external social stimuli => more mentally taxing on my energy reserves. The discomfort is related to the surprise that the spotlight is now on me, and I was not prepared for that. Since the attention was caused by your compliment, I will very likely be annoyed with you. I may even feel that you have compromised my need for privacy. The less I know the people in the group the greater the annoyance and discomfort.
*Is it an insult to compliment you? *
This is not a clear black and white issue. My relations to you and the nature of compliment are important. Unless you are family/loved one, do not give over-emotional compliments. Its .. inappropriate, fake and will be seen as annoying if not an insult. If you give me an appropriate comment based on my relations to you, then it will not be an insult at all. However it may be ignored if I do not find your input relevant.
*How come you do not like a group of people focused on you?*
As explained above it taxes my energy reserves. Just being around people (except a select few) burns my energy. Getting focused on by a group of people sets the energy burning process on extreme turbo. 
Funny thing is I can present some scientific complex information in front of large groups of people without too much trouble. So the context is also important. A professional environment has some psychological distance that makes it easier to bear.
*How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").*
Sorry to be pedantic, but I assume you mean extrovert. My question is why do you want to show public appreciation of an introvert? It is certainly not for the sake of the introvert … Your guess is in my case 100% accurate. If you absolutely have to then ask my permission at first explaining why this is so important to you so I see a point, if permission is granted by all means go ahead, if not you better not do it unless you want to ruin your relationship with me.

*I'm sorry. I was raised by a gregarious ESTP father who didn't mind shouting out everyone else's strengths, nor did he get offended when someone publicly declared his strengths-it was quite the opposite. *
No need to be sorry, it is a fair question. But now we are at being polite: I am sorry if I come off as aloof, bold/rude. That is not my intention.

*Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.*
I like to hang out in the back because it allows me to disassociate from the situation. As I do not involve myself and have to think about the interaction with other people, I can better use my preferred internal functions to assess the situation (or “drift away” and plan other things). I can often find social interaction limiting my pattern of thought.

*Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.*
Honestly I do not have much need for it. I do have some need, but it needs to be handed out in small doses, not be over-done. In a romantic relationship for instance, a simple “I like you” at appropriate times can last for days. In my work environment I am quite aware when I have done something good or not. In other social contexts I do not need any commendations.
My MBTI type is INTJ.


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## Northwind (Jul 24, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
> 
> ...


Correction, I don't mind when a group of people has their attention focussed on me. Actually, I prefer it that way when I'm trying to say something :tongue: But I don't need it all the time. I like to look at the group processes from some distance, in order to analyse all the individual relations within the group. I like to get an overview of what is happening and I like to study people. I like to figure out what drives them. In general, it's not a matter of being shy or uncomfortable. Just a different state of being.


When it comes to receiving compliments, I like to be complimented on my achievements. In fact, when I have done something fantastic, I will ask people to complment me :tongue: But seriously. I don't like to be complemented on things that are inherent to me. For instance, the other day a friend told me he was so impressed with my mind and thinking :frustrating: WRONG!! I was born with my brain, I didn't construct it myself, so this is no achievement. So, to me, the compliment is useless. It's like complimenting me because I'm tall.

In short, compliment me on my achievements. Preferably in private. It will be most appreciated.

Type: INFJ


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## leafling (Dec 15, 2011)

I can appreciate compliments if they are a) sincere, b) on the mark. Sometimes people will compliment me on a misconstrued perception of me and that's...awkward.

The only thing I don't like about compliments is that most people expect a certain reaction and I don't always give the reaction they expect. I might sincerely appreciate the compliment, but that might not be apparent exteriorly (is that a word? lol). 

But being put on the spotlight: oh no no no no. This might not have so much to do with the fact that I'm an introvert and more to the fact that I have a mild case of social anxiety. All the attention makes me very nervous, I don't like having all eyes on me, I don't like the pressure. It doesn't offend me at all, it just makes me uncomfortable.

But I do like and appreciate compliments. They can really make me happy and brighten my day sometimes. I also like to give them. I like spreading positivity.


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## Moya (May 22, 2012)

I deeply appreciate comments I receive that are genuine; I have some need for external validation, but I attribute that more to Enneagram than MBTI. I am awkward when accepting, though, as I want to be socially graceful but it's really not my strong suit. I don't depise compliments, public or private, but they do make me feel rather embarrassed and flustered, yet honored (if they are genuine). If they are not genuine, I likely won't even respond to them.

I believe myself to be INTP.


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## zolof (Apr 13, 2011)

I prefer the back of the room, it is my comfort zone. The answer is in the question. Introvert:a shy person;a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings ( opposed to extrovert). We are constantly analyzing in our heads. Some would put it as self conscious.


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## Foibleful (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm a strong introvert. I _like_ compliments. When they are sincere and not over-the-top, they can really make my day. I like to be appreciated. I've been given compliments, or thanks even, in front of a group and I usually want the floor to open up and swallow me. Something about all those eyes focused on me makes me feel like I'm under a microscope.

It's also fair to say, I think, that self-image plays a part in this. When I was younger, my self-esteem was abysmal. My modus operandi when given a compliment was to pooh-pooh it. Now I just say, "Thank you!" :happy:


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## Conclusion (Sep 21, 2012)

INTP. I enjoy compliments when they're subtle, understated, and line up with my personal values. I'm a bit nonplussed when complimented on my triceps at a picnic, for example, but delighted by a subtle thumbs up or nod of acknowledgement after finishing a difficult talk.

So my take on the issue -- perhaps there's a certain tension between "public recognition," (compliments, ceremonies, the associated attention) and "personal standards," (personal values or principles or reflecting with pride on accomplishments). Perhaps we all need both, but extroverts tend to emphasize the approval, and don't mind stealing the spotlight, even if it's not for something they're genuinely into. And perhaps introverts tend to emphasize the internal standards, compliments just don't feel like compliments when they don't line up with them, and so have trouble playing their part and anchoring the positive energy when it comes their way.

(Probably this would soften with skill and age, but it explains my own experience. A number of posters said they had to respect the one complimenting, or needed to be sure it was sincere, which I think speaks to the "personal things" side of it.)



pinkrasputin said:


> ...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.


For my part, when complimented, I feel like I'm suddenly in a situation with high but unclear expectations, and I'm not really feeling it and have trouble following through. What's everyone else getting out of the public game -- what can we accomplish for the group by handling it well? (They feel good complimenting, so we take turns being complimented?) How do we do so graciously, and can we do so in an authentic fashion?


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## crazitaco (Apr 9, 2010)

i think in general, we introverts just hate the spotlight. why? who knows? why do you extroverts love it so much?
speaking for myself here, being the center of attention makes me feel cornered, uncomfortable, and exposed. like a organism under a microscope. i would prefer not to be publicly recognized. if its absolutely necessary, do it when i'm not in the room. despite hating the spotlight i actually enjoy the occasional compliment, as long as its not drawn out to the point where i feel awkward. usually a simple "thank you" or a warm smile will do fine. i know some stronger introverts really do not care/like to be complimented, but personally, if i've really put alot of effort into something and gone out of my way for other people, i want to be appreciated for it. otherwise i feel a little hurt. (although i would never dare show or tell anyone how i feel!)


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## RoSoDude (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm an INTP.

It can be very nice to hear genuine words of appreciation from another (in a more personal sort of way), but I'm not a big fan of offhand compliments. It's really weird when people tell me that this or that is so great about me, which doesn't happen too often anyway, but it just seems strange every time it happens. I prefer that compliments are either intended to be trivial or even slightly facetious, such as "Oh hey, that thing that you just did was cool, you're so awesome!", or are very genuine and meant to be shared with me and me alone. I get very little from public recognition, and the reason for this is fairly simple: I would prefer to judge myself based on my own standards rather than those of another, regardless of whether the judgments of either are positive or negative. In the past I have allowed myself to base my self-worth on the opinions of others, and it has only been detrimental. I have enough self-criticism in my own mind that hearing it from others is simply a burden. I am not unaware of my own faults, and I do not need attention drawn to them, in the same way that I do not need attention drawn to my positive traits. If someone that really cares about me or feels a sort of kinship with me would like to express this and tell me what they mean to me, I get a lot of rare warm fuzzeh feelings from that, but telling me that I am valuable based on the collective opinion of others is just useless as telling me that I am worthless based on external standards. In the past, competition of any sort has not made me thrive; an internal drive to learn and achieve my potential has.

Oh, and if you'd like a bit of type theory reasons for this, I have a few. First, I am dominant Ti, which means that I already think internally a lot about my own traits and the principles that form the basis for my self-view, and thus my self criticism. Additionally, my Enneagram type is 694. 6 regresses to 3 (one of the types more prone to needed external validation), and 9 can integrate to 3, but I'm probably not to that point, so I'm not interested in recognition and it is somewhat awkward. Finally, the 4 in me thinks of such a thing as somewhat silly and unnecessary.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?


I'm an INTJ and no, I do not need compliments. If I need to know that I'm doing something well, I'll ask or wait for whatever evaluation process (such as at work) to take its course. Otherwise, I can probably tell on my own whether or not what I'm doing is ok. I care if what I'm doing is wrong/right, valid/invalid, etc. I don't typically care what other people think of it unless they have informed and constructive feedback to offer. Doing something well is its own reward. 

When people offer compliments for purely social reasons...there's just no point to it. I don't need other people to make me feel good about myself. I don't usually have much of a reaction to compliments (I just ignore them), but when younger I would get taken aback at times that people had the nerve to assume that I cared about their random, unsolicited, unconstructive opinions about me, regardless of whether it was positive or negative. 

You're right, I'm going to say "don't" show public appreciation. If you and the other person/people care, discuss it without me. I don't want the attention on me in a group because this is going to force me outside of my head to deal with whatever you all are going on about, uninterested though I am. Either let me go back into my own mind, or talk about something interesting.


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## slender (Sep 28, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
> 
> ...


i don't mind compliments, so long as they are based on my actual work. if its attempting to get me to do something, or manipulative, then its annoying and insulting to my intelligence. if i actually did something and its publicly recognized, i don't mind. if its something i didn't do and publicly recognized by someone else, i hate it. tl;dr, if i did something, i like being acknowledged for it. if i don't do something and get acknowledged, then i hate it and want to shoot the person. and i am typed as an intp/intj/istj....mainly intp though.


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## Nicole Hobbs (May 31, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> Can you describe to me what it feels like to have someone draw public attention towards you? I'm very interested in hearing this process.




....The feeling is like this. 






Kind of like someone is pressing on you...almost like a claustrophobia attack if it's bad enough, with enough people.


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## QwertyCTRL (Dec 31, 2020)

well, we usually don't know what to say. that makes us uncomfortable, not the actual compliment itself.


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## Annie S. (Feb 15, 2021)

1. Listen and try to understand.

2. treat us how you'd treat anyone else.

3. Talk to us about what we want to talk about.

and, you mentioned compliments, I really don't know how to react to those. I'd drift off and think to myself,_ they're only doing that to make you feel better._ It just doesn't seem right. And again, talk to us like you do to anyone else.


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## Winterlight (Sep 3, 2021)

pinkrasputin said:


> So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
> 
> I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
> 
> ...


A bottle of rum and opening a Vanguard EFT for me will suffice.


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