# So-dom's -- how social are you?



## Elscar (Jul 23, 2016)

Lately I've been finding myself very interested in the social instinct which made me think of some questions I'm genuinely curious about, so please feel free to answer them.

As an SO dominant,

1) How socially outgoing are you? Do you often go out to meet people or prefer to be alone?
2) What's the biggest struggle(s) you face regarding your instinct?
3) How much do you care about societal issues (in general)?
4) How much do you tend to adapt yourself to other people, especially when in groups?

That's all for now.


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## O_o (Oct 22, 2011)

1) How socially outgoing are you? Do you often go out to meet people or prefer to be alone?
Not very. I'm pretty aloof. More of a watcher than a talker and I don't hang out in groups (though I do like team project- working with people to accomplish a similar goal). While I'm fine with being alone and sometimes prefer it, I like one on one. 

3) How much do you care about societal issues (in general)?
A lot! Which is why I type myself as so dom to begin with~ I get incredibly engaged and opinionated about a lot of social issues, political issues, cultural issues and differences, etc. Bigotry in those areas always hits a nerve in me and the only time I've gotten into raging arguments with people was over them. Big into volunteering, topics involving children in crisis, helped with dyslexic kids for a while, mentoring middle scholars, helped at cat shelter, HUGE soft spot for the homeless, topic of those there with psychological difficulties and lack of community centers. That stuff riles me up and bring me to tears, can get peachy as fuck over it if something hits a nerve. But I'm always looking around and out for things like that, things that heat me up inside and make me want to participate. 

4) How much do you tend to adapt yourself to other people, especially when in groups?
It depends on the sort of group it is. If I'm in a work-oriented group, I usually try to pull everything together, figuring out what everyone is good at, uniting everyone. If not in the leader role, I'm very adaptive to doing different sort of tasks and doing my part. 
Other than that, I don't search out groups. Even in the programs I've participated in, I never really interacted with the other volunteers. As a person, I'm generally stubborn and it's hard to change my outlook in certain areas (especially the social ones discussed before). So I don't tend to adapt to other people's stances though I can adapt to their logic, if it's strong. 

But other than that, I do try very hard to adapt myself to the individual I'm with, make sure they're comfortable, respect their opinions even if they differ (nay bigots, doe). Come off as less or more assertive, more or less funny, depending on what preference I think they have. So more adaptive energy wise and conversation topic wise, definitely. 

2) What's the biggest struggle(s) you face regarding your instinct?
Conflict of really disagreeing with what someone might say but also wanting to somehow adapt (coming off as softer than I should be because of that). Having problems with saying no to certain tasks (especially a problem at work. Place I worked at didn't allow for overtime, so a lot of punching out and secretly staying there to finish). Coming off as 'different people'- having a flexible outward energy- so very warm and chatty around some, very quiet and reserved around others- that inconsistency and pull of blend with the individual (might not be something everyone views as a struggle, but that quality in myself irritates me a lot). 

I like this question though. Because a lot of So doms aren't that social/social butterflies/etc even if their focus is very SO.


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

*1) How socially outgoing are you? Do you often go out to meet people or prefer to be alone?*

I tend to spend quite a bit of my time alone, but I like hanging out with people and it's healthy to get some social interaction outside of work/school on at least a biweekly basis. I like reading forums (much like this!) on the Internet because they satisfy my need to hear stuff outside of my own head but don't involve the drain of face-to-face interaction. Face-to-face is important though; you need some of it in order to have actual experiences to talk about with others. Otherwise you're circling the drain.

*2) What's the biggest struggle(s) you face regarding your instinct?*

Whenever I'm down about myself, it's usually about owing some sort of debt to society and those around me for how lucky I am/not giving back enough to them. I apologize a lot for being a burden on others, sometimes to the point of annoyance. Those "duty-bound" Social-dom 6 descriptions sound goofy but I relate to this aspect of them a lot.

There's a divide between what I feel like I should want and what I actually want. They often coincide but sometimes I'm shocked by how happy I am when I listen to the latter. 

*3) How much do you care about societal issues (in general)?*

I like staying up to date with the news. How much I do so fades in and out cyclically. Sometimes I just get bits and pieces, sometimes I'm a bit too lazy to actually research issues and just enjoy the intellectual junk food that is opinion pieces, and sometimes I'm in the weeds with PDFs and legalese. I admit I... spend less time in that last category than would be ideal. My day-to-day rationalization for this is usually something along the lines of _"If I were obligated to pay close attention to everything, why not call myself a politician and get paid for it?"_. 

That rationalization isn't perfect (since it's basically an appeal to laziness), but I think it's much more justifiable than, say, "I don't follow politics because all politicians are just snakes". The latter is not only childish and lazy but also employs an unhealthy _us vs them_ dynamic. 

*4) How much do you tend to adapt yourself to other people, especially when in groups?*

I 100% despise saying something that I don't feel at least a kernel of truth in. Even if I'm lying, I _have_ to believe part of it. Otherwise I betray it pretty much all over my demeanor. I don't like breaking the rules either unless I feel prepared to justify it. If I do anyways, I'm gonna look shifty as hell. 

With that caveat out of the way, I adapt myself quite a bit. I tend to do a lot of minor backpedaling, for example: 

*Me:* "I think X"
*Person:* "Really? I think more Y."
*Me:* "Oh, well, of course I shouldn't exclude Y either... :kitteh:" 

Not enough that I actually change my opinion, but enough that I mold myself around the group consensus. Like, the idea of reciprocity is just a part of normal communication for everyone, but I'm more conciliatory than the average bear and I don't mind small talk at all unless I'm just in an unsociable mood period. It's nice to chit chat with people a bit and just enjoy light conversation. 

I've occasionally weirded people out by actually _stating_ my rather detailed "everyone's roles in the group" analyses. I guess without the So-fueled interest in these sorts of things, it comes across as vaguely robotic/serial killer-y. In that sense, I adapt to most people by keeping those thoughts under wraps.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

_1) How socially outgoing are you? Do you often go out to meet people or prefer to be alone?_

Depends on my mood, but I usually love being around people. Sometimes I prefer acquaintances (I honestly don't mind small talk), sometimes I prefer people closer to me. Again, all depends on my mood.

I don't tend to go out of my way to meet people nowadays; at my work I'm literally meeting new people everyday, so that's enough for me. Lol.

I don't mind being alone at times, just to get in touch with myself again. Too much socialising gets boring after a while, especially if there is something on my mind.

_2) What's the biggest struggle(s) you face regarding your instinct?_

Dunno.

_3) How much do you care about societal issues (in general)?_

Tonnes! I love politics. I read somewhere on this forum lately that SO/SP is the ideal variant stacking for people who are politically inclined - was not surprised. The local councillor where I live (I guess the US equivalent is someone at county level? ) and I are pretty close friends, she's encouraged me to get involved in her political party and I _*really *_want to, it's just I have a lot going on at the moment, but I told her to keep me in mind.

_4) How much do you tend to adapt yourself to other people, especially when in groups?_

Rarely. People that make me feel like I have to adapt myself make me feel awkward, so I tend to avoid them. The most I will adapt for someone is to adopt their belief after we have debated and hashed it out, other than that... nope, nope, nope!


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## The Exception (Oct 26, 2010)

1) How socially outgoing are you? Do you often go out to meet people or prefer to be alone?

I am not particularly outgoing although I do like socializing sometimes. I am a bit of a loner and prefer to do most things independently. I am a type 5 though.

2) What's the biggest struggle(s) you face regarding your instinct?

I care way too much what other people think about me, even random strangers. I compare myself to others too much.

3) How much do you care about societal issues (in general)?

A moderate amount. I care a lot about things like racism, wars, and poverty. On the other hand sometimes I'm rather oblivious to certain things that are going on in the world. If I better understood the scope of the seriousness of those issues, I'm sure I would be more concerned.

4) How much do you tend to adapt yourself to other people, especially when in groups?

A lot. Fitting in and having a good standing is important to me. I am not going to compromise my principles though.

That's all for now.


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## Elscar (Jul 23, 2016)

These are all awesome, thanks guys.

For some reason, I'm getting more and more confused about So. I keep thinking "what is it _really_ about?" -- the very principle of it, that is. For example, Sp isn't inherently about concern for finances, health, etc. but those are common ways in which it's often expressed.

Do any So-dom's care to briefly explain the So instinct in their own words?


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

As a general rule, I think Instinct needs to be understood in conjunction with enneatype. There isn't really a case where instinct variant exists independently of fixation, and each of the 9 versions of "SO" are different from each other. 

The reason that's important is that the general ideas of the instincts can often be general enough to not be distinctive. As an SO, it's actually really, really important for me to make good money and be successful - but not really as a way of tending to my own needs. Instead, my upbringing pounded hard on financial independence, which influenced my SO ideas of rightness and what my responsibility was. Basically, my idea of rightness became getting well educated, getting a good paying job, buying a house, and being able to afford taking cool trips, eating good food, provide for family, etc because that was the social standard I felt necessary to match, and deficient if I didn't achieve. I feel these things are important because of the social position I want to occupy, not because I want to satisfy personal physical needs if that makes sense. 

One distinctive thing I notice as a SO dom is that when I write or talk, my audience is usually "to everyone." I hardly ever ask questions for my own benefit, and only now and then engage specific people in real conversations, and even on the forum. My attention is usually at the level of "any given person," without necessarily having individuals or myself in mind. Being SO/SX, sometimes I do zero in on specific people, and what they like/don't like, how engaged I am with them specifically, and where our relationship is. 

Speaking of which  you did ask about social adaptation. While not outrageously adaptive I am extremely socially/politically aware, and think that is a strength particularly of SO. One of the first things I sense in a group is who has gravitas and who doesn't, and why based on what is valued within the group. I have a sense for how other peoples' relationships developed, whether they are stable, whether it's worth developing one with someone else, and basically what conversation areas to focus on, or things to do/avoid doing to forge a connection or keep a relationship at optimal distance. Unfortunately, it also becomes obvious to me what could undo someone based on what holds their social position in place too, though I'd like to think I rarely/never exploit that.


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## floatingpoint (Dec 30, 2015)

I _think_ I'm SO dom but I'm not positive. I also think that I'm a type 4w5 but I'm also not positive about that lol. 

1) How socially outgoing are you? Do you often go out to meet people or prefer to be alone?

It's interesting. I dislike large groups and small talk a lot. Any social activities that involve a bunch of people I don't know well bore the hell out of me, and I'll go to great lengths to avoid them. I'm also not particularly witty, and I can be awkward and quiet in group situations, like I want to disappear. 

That said, I'm incredibly friendly and not shy at all, and I love getting to know people on a deeper level. New people are exciting to me, and I probably have around 15ish casual friends who I'm very intimate with but don't feel any obligation or commitment to. I'm the person who will spend 2 hours getting to know the new guy at work, but then on Friday when everyone goes out for drinks I'm not there. 

I like being alone alright but usually if I have the choice I prefer to be with loved ones. And I have _a lot_ of loved ones. Maybe it's because I'm an ENFP, but I tend to form deep relationships easily and I prioritize my closest relationships above anything else. 

Also, I'm a teacher, so I basically spend the bulk of my day talking and sharing with other people. In my personal life, however, I'm very selectively and intentionally social. Not quite a butterfly, and at times I can be sort of angsty and a loner if I don't feel like I can be myself or like people can't understand me. And if I don't naturally connect with someone, I avoid them. Weird mix of ENFP and 4w5.

2) What's the biggest struggle(s) you face regarding your instinct?

My enneagram type and my instinctual variant are in constant tension. 4 makes me feel alienated in any situation in which I can't be my authentic self. It makes me very serious and sensitive and a bit morose. It also makes me hate conformity, leaders, and corporations/big organizations that swallow up the individual. But then my dominant SO makes me *really* care about others, and it makes me want to be a part of something bigger than myself. My SO gives me this pesky need to belong and be liked by others, but then my type 4 makes me want to be apart, and it's this constant struggle. 

It's not all bad, though. I think that SO, as well as my ENFP myers briggs, makes me a bit more cheerful and outgoing than your typical 4. I don't seem intense from the outset, I seem cheerful and happy-go-lucky. And I think SO also keeps me humble and it helps me to avoid 4 solipsism. It leads me to really care about other people and my environment and my society and all these things outside of myself. Caring a lot about the world though is a double edged sword; I feel constantly guilty that I'm sucking up resources and that I'm not doing my part to make things better. I constantly feel like I'm failing everyone around me. 

3) How much do you care about societal issues (in general)?

This is one of the parts of SO that I relate to most. I care tremendously about social issues. I care about macro issues almost as much as I care about my own life, and when I'm made aware of injustice in other places, it becomes REALLY hard for me to go on living my life. I lose sleep over things like Boko Haram kidnapping those children in Nigeria, about the gang violence in Central America. I listen to NPR everyday but sometimes I have to shut it off because hearing about Trump's hatred and arrogance really depresses me. I'm extremely passionate about social issues and I attend protests frequently. 

4) How much do you tend to adapt yourself to other people, especially when in groups?

Maybe it's because of my introverted feeling, but I really struggle to adapt myself to other people and their feelings. I can read the emotional climate of a group, but I can't get my feelings to match up with theirs. I feel what I'm feeling and that can cause me to be socially quite awkward.


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Elscar said:


> These are all awesome, thanks guys.
> 
> For some reason, I'm getting more and more confused about So. I keep thinking "what is it _really_ about?" -- the very principle of it, that is. For example, Sp isn't inherently about concern for finances, health, etc. but those are common ways in which it's often expressed.
> 
> Do any So-dom's care to briefly explain the So instinct in their own words?


When I think "So" I think "society". 

There's of course humanity in general; that's a big social circle, a big society. And then there's the smaller, more intimate circles, like our friends and family, who we esteem more. There's a "society" with its own social rules formed by the dynamic amongst your friend group; you want to focus on the characteristics of that group and how you relate to them as a whole so that everyone gets along. Don't tell off-color jokes around Sam, don't expect Miranda to be on time for anything, and so on. 

There's another social group for your family, another one for your coworkers, another one for the people you see at the theater and they might not even know about that one but you sure do try to be extra-polite in that environment for their sakes! Some of those might even intersect; you want to act more formally around both the theater patrons and Sam, for example.

The reason why politics and following the news is frequently associated with So is because Social-doms will often see their local or national communities as a society that they hold certain responsibilities towards. It feels good to help your own people. 

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> One distinctive thing I notice as a SO dom is that when I write or talk, my audience is usually "to everyone." I hardly ever ask questions for my own benefit, and only now and then engage specific people in real conversations, and even on the forum. My attention is usually at the level of "any given person," without necessarily having individuals or myself in mind.


Me too! Even when I engage one person specifically, I try to bring the conversation back to include the group at large.


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## Elscar (Jul 23, 2016)

I'm considering being so-dom/second but I don't relate to the "pro-social" aspects of it. In fact, I'm very anti-social and anti-establishment. 

Ever since I can remember I've felt like an outcast in relation to other people and have build much of my identity around that. It's confusing because I don't relate much to what I read about the social instinct since the anti-social/rebellious/outcast approach one can take towards it is almost never mentioned. Especially as a type 8 I can't relate to things like being concerned with being liked, overly self-conscious of how others see you, wanting to do good things for the world, feeling socially responsible, etc. The idea that I'd have to care about things like that _really_ fucking angers me because there's no way in hell I'd want to give people that power over me and yet I suspect so could be my dominant instinct.

To paint a clearer picture, these are the kinds of social views I relate to:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0CazRHB0so
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR4yQFZK9YM

Do you guys think an so-dom could have such an attitude towards the world even when they're not "unhealthy" (because for me it's been constant throughout my life)?


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

So-last here but I wanted to contribute after reading about everyone's observations and experiences, which are fascinating; so 1s are said to be more rigid and less 'social' than one would assume, I think Naranjo called them unadapatable or something (hi, @Figure); I mean heck, sp 7s (even the so last ones) can come off as party animals compared to many so enneatypes.

@Elscar , I do think people with the so dom instinct can have rebellious views even without being unhealthy  ; I, personally think, 'so' is not always so much 'service to others/contribution/involvement' as it is awareness of others and thus knowing what is defective in the greater system of people/things which can give it the tools to be positively or negatively involved with social issues (just like sx1s aren't necessarily so much concerned with just intimacy/others' personal lives as it is with what needs to be altered about such things; eg a very evil sx/so 1 may perpetrate homophobia). So 8s are usually people who are incredibly protective of those whom they consider their 'own' (their families, friends etc); do you feel this way and did you relate to this article about social 8s (http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-f...ial-eights-according-beatrice-chestnut.html)?

And hey there, @Stellafera , it was nice to read about your thoughts where you mentioned some of the things I appreciate about the so instinct eg responsibility, contribution toward the common betterment etc. 

Imma go back to lurking now ^_^ .


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

inabox said:


> I do think people with the so dom instinct can have rebellious views even without being unhealthy  ; I, personally think, 'so' is not always so much 'service to others/contribution/involvement' as it is awareness of others and thus knowing what is defective in the greater system of people/things which can give it the tools to be positively or negatively involved with social issues (just like sx1s aren't necessarily so much concerned with just intimacy/others' personal lives as it is with what needs to be altered about such things; eg a very evil sx/so 1 may perpetrate homophobia).


I agree with this, and I'm sorry for being misleading with my description... I just fall heavily on the "I like society" side of the continuum myself (phobic type 6 will do that for ya).

Let me try this again. So-doms, whether they hate or love the society they live in, are always _aware_ of it. They see the patterns of social circles and stuff that can fly over the heads of social-lasts. So/Sp (which I kinda gathered was your type by skimming your thread on the type me forum) is actually considered to be a bit of an "outsider" instinct:



> When we invest our energy, most of it is devoted to fulfillment of our primary instinct. The remaining energy radiates or flows onto the secondary instinct and finally onto the last instinct, which receives the smallest share. There are two possible configurations or directions for this flow. In first configuration, energy is invested in the order of sx→sp→so→sx. This direction gives rise to three stackings: sx/sp, sp/so, so/sx. In the second configuration, energy is invested in the order of sx→so→sp→sx, which gives rise to the other three stackings: sx/so, so/sp and sp/sx.
> 
> *Syn-flow: sp → so → sx → sp*
> *Stackings involved:* sp/so → so/sx → sx/sp → sp/so
> ...


I can relate to the feeling of not quite fitting in with how other people think even if I'm rather conformist. Always seems like I'm playing Devil's Advocate without meaning to. Someone more rebellious than I could relate much more, I'm sure. 

Your song choices are very society-focused; "Stupid Girls" especially is SUPER social-focused on what "other girls" are like and what P!nk wants society to value instead (ambition). Bo Burnham is likely a So-dom:


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## Elscar (Jul 23, 2016)

Stellafera said:


> I agree with this, and I'm sorry for being misleading with my description... I just fall heavily on the "I like society" side of the continuum myself (phobic type 6 will do that for ya).
> 
> Let me try this again. So-doms, whether they hate or love the society they live in, are always _aware_ of it. They see the patterns of social circles and stuff that can fly over the heads of social-lasts. So/Sp (which I kinda gathered was your type by skimming your thread on the type me forum) is actually considered to be a bit of an "outsider" instinct:
> 
> ...


Ahhh thank you so much! The attitude of that Bo Burnham song resonates with me so well. I really do think I could be So/Sp which feels like such a mind-fuck since I at first was very convinced I was So-last. Now I realize that what I thought was So-lastness was just "anti-social" So.
Thanks for looking at my type me thread. Do you think from what you gathered that So/Sp is the most likely option or should I consider other stackings as well?


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## Elscar (Jul 23, 2016)

inabox said:


> @Elscar , I do think people with the so dom instinct can have rebellious views even without being unhealthy  ; I, personally think, 'so' is not always so much 'service to others/contribution/involvement' as it is awareness of others and thus knowing what is defective in the greater system of people/things which can give it the tools to be positively or negatively involved with social issues (just like sx1s aren't necessarily so much concerned with just intimacy/others' personal lives as it is with what needs to be altered about such things; eg a very evil sx/so 1 may perpetrate homophobia). So 8s are usually people who are incredibly protective of those whom they consider their 'own' (their families, friends etc); do you feel this way and did you relate to this article about social 8s (http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-f...ial-eights-according-beatrice-chestnut.html)?


Hmm I don't relate fully to the So 8 description at least not in the way that I can seem type 2-like. But overall, it's not too far off. I actually find the Sp description to fit me better but as I'm not so sure I'm Sp-dom I try not to rely too heavily on subtypes.


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Elscar said:


> Thanks for looking at my type me thread. Do you think from what you gathered that So/Sp is the most likely option or should I consider other stackings as well?


So/Sp seems the most likely because you are pretty So-focused and dropped tidbits of Sp around your description:



> Having lots of money is incredibly important to me because it gives me a sense of power and like I am the one who has control of my life -- no one else.





> For instance, I can sacrifice my need for sleep to spend time with an interest. But again, there's always an anxious component that comes with not tending to those needs since I do deem them as very important.


So/Sx's tend to be more of "do everything 10x until I pass out" people, not really concerned about taking care of themselves. The association of material security with power seems like a pretty 8ish way of expressing Sp as well.

I wouldn't rule out So/Sx entirely since you have a pretty passionate side to your personality (Sx-lasts tend to feel vaguely embarrassed by expressing intensity), but So/Sp seems the most likely.


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## Elscar (Jul 23, 2016)

Stellafera said:


> So/Sp seems the most likely because you are pretty So-focused and dropped tidbits of Sp around your description:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I didn't plan for this thread to turn into a discussion about my own instincts so if anyone still cares to reply to my original post, feel free.

Anyway, So-dom seems most probable but I do wonder if I'm Sx or Sp second.. Do you mind explaining how you know that you're So/Sp and not So/Sx?


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## Stellafera (Jan 19, 2015)

Elscar said:


> Anyway, So-dom seems most probable but I do wonder if I'm Sx or Sp second.. Do you mind explaining how you know that you're So/Sp and not So/Sx?


I've always been concerned about taking care of my business and keeping all the plates spinning, which seems like a manifestation of Sp. Moreover, I really don't focus on the Sx tango much in my life, So and Sp do the job just fine. All that in-and-out and merging-and-unmerging sounds so high-drama. 

It's hard to apply my own typing motivations to other people because it's so influenced by other factors of my personality. I think that bringing in another perspective on this would probably be good.


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## Elscar (Jul 23, 2016)

Stellafera said:


> I've always been concerned about taking care of my business and keeping all the plates spinning, which seems like a manifestation of Sp. Moreover, I really don't focus on the Sx tango much in my life, So and Sp do the job just fine. All that in-and-out and merging-and-unmerging sounds so high-drama.
> 
> It's hard to apply my own typing motivations to other people because it's so influenced by other factors of my personality. I think that bringing in another perspective on this would probably be good.


I'm actually starting to consider So/Sx because I love intimacy and deeply connecting with people, which is what I strive to do in many of my one-on-one interactions (and I get impatient if someone is too private and reserved), and I'm not good at keeping up with my Sp needs even if I think they're very important because I find them to be such a chore that I'd rather do without or have someone else help me with.. *ponders*.
But thanks for giving your view.


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

@Stellafera , P!nk is sx/so I think


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## Rose for a Heart (Nov 14, 2011)

Elscar said:


> Lately I've been finding myself very interested in the social instinct which made me think of some questions I'm genuinely curious about, so please feel free to answer them.
> 
> As an SO dominant,
> 
> ...


1) Not at all, generally I feel that I make friends without trying, although sometimes I can be pretty isolated. It depends, generally I want to feel like there are at least a couple of people out there I interact with and can depend on.
2) The "out-thereness" of it all..I am a 4, so it makes it really difficult because I seek safety through groups, and it can be frowned upon specially I'm manipulating while unhealthy.
3) Quite a lot, I didn't know I was different from others in this regard...it's one of those things I thought everyone did. But it's not. I get enraged because I sense I am part of a certain group of individuals and if they are "discriminated" against, I take an issue with it.
4) I am usually quiet and shy and usually with strangers I am nice to them, and "adaptive" except for the things I am not.


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