# Article; 5 misconceptions about Introverts



## Confused (May 2, 2010)

I think as an introvert, so many of us engage in the life-long quest to become extroverts. This is not only because society believes extroverts to be superior, but because it can be harder to have FUN as an introvert. There are times where we do want to DO stuff, experience exhilaration, live on the edge, if only for a short time, but we don't know where to start, because we don't know how to reach out and find the people and events that could lead us in that direction. I hate going to a club in the hopes of having a fun, social experience, then spending the whole time alone at a table, sipping my drink, and wondering how other people have the guts and charisma to actually initiate conversations. Not exactly a self-esteem boost...


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

When I've feeling extra-introverted I stick to reading the safe subscribed threads in my *User-CP* and when I'm just feeling introverted I dare click on *Read Unread Post*. When I'm feeling extroverted...oh wait that never happens lols.


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## kdm1984 (Jul 8, 2009)

Confused said:


> I think as an introvert, so many of us engage in the life-long quest to become extroverts. This is not only because society believes extroverts to be superior, but because it can be harder to have FUN as an introvert. There are times where we do want to DO stuff, experience exhilaration, live on the edge, if only for a short time, but we don't know where to start, because we don't know how to reach out and find the people and events that could lead us in that direction. I hate going to a club in the hopes of having a fun, social experience, then spending the whole time alone at a table, sipping my drink, and wondering how other people have the guts and charisma to actually initiate conversations. Not exactly a self-esteem boost...


Oh boy, story of my life, lol. Except I've never had the cojones to even get into a club! :laughing:


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## Confused (May 2, 2010)

kdm1984 said:


> Oh boy, story of my life, lol. Except I've never had the cojones to even get into a club! :laughing:


Lol! Well I never said I went there alone! :wink: One must be dragged by an extrovert friend, with the promise that they will protect you from the scary club-ness... 

Liquor is fundamental for the survival of such an experience.


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## PseudoSenator (Mar 7, 2010)

This thread should be required reading.


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## Radiant Flux (May 7, 2010)

Ahh, yes. That last part about how people try and turn intoverts into extroverts bugs me very much. It seems to be what my mom is doing. Most kids would ask their parents if they could have a friend over, but she would ask me if I wanted to. She constantly nags me to go outside and play with my friends, and to not stay cooped up inside. I'd love to go on a hike with someone, but she want me to be extremely social with people. I have always been an introvert, even as a toddler I would sit and color and observe people [creepy~] and get annoyed if anyone bothered me. My mom pshed me to be an extrovert when I was younger though too. I went through my stages of being a sort of extrovert, but only really wanted to hang out with one or two close friends.

It really is sad when people do that beause you can't [or rather shouldn't] change a persons DNA.


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## Confused (May 2, 2010)

Radiant Flux said:


> Ahh, yes. That last part about how people try and turn intoverts into extroverts bugs me very much. It seems to be what my mom is doing. Most kids would ask their parents if they could have a friend over, but she would ask me if I wanted to. She constantly nags me to go outside and play with my friends, and to not stay cooped up inside. I'd love to go on a hike with someone, but she want me to be extremely social with people. I have always been an introvert, even as a toddler I would sit and color and observe people [creepy~] and get annoyed if anyone bothered me. My mom pshed me to be an extrovert when I was younger though too. I went through my stages of being a sort of extrovert, but only really wanted to hang out with one or two close friends.
> 
> It really is sad when people do that beause you can't [or rather shouldn't] change a persons DNA.


I think any time a parent tries to change anything about who their child fundamentally is, all they are going to do is cause pain and insecurity. I experienced that a lot from my mom growing up, largely in relation to my introspective, thoughtful (meaning full-of-thought, not considerate of others) nature. I think she was also threatened by the fact that I could put together an argument for or against something better than she could, so when I disagreed with her on something, it was easier for her to criticize who I was than to try to respond to my arguments. I hope that I can successfully avoid doing anything to my own children - making them feel that there is something inherently wrong with who they were born to be can only cause pain.


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## Darner (Apr 20, 2010)

Question; we always say how being introverted doesn't mean you're anti-social. But how would you define somebody, who really is anti-social and sociofobic? I'm trying to analyze another one of my friends and through raising-up they managed to "ruin" him so much that I'm not sure if he would be so introverted otherwise. It is actually impossible define people who are still bossed around by parents or partners because they somehow don't have a personality of their own, because I cannot find any combination of the 8 letters that would actually fit him.


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## Daveman (May 16, 2010)

Darner said:


> Question; we always say how being introverted doesn't mean you're anti-social. But how would you define somebody, who really is anti-social and sociofobic? I'm trying to analyze another one of my friends and through raising-up they managed to "ruin" him so much that I'm not sure if he would be so introverted otherwise. It is actually impossible define people who are still bossed around by parents or partners because they somehow don't have a personality of their own, because I cannot find any combination of the 8 letters that would actually fit him.


Honestly, I feel that if anything introverts are the *opposite *of being anti-social, or a sociopath which I think is basically the same thing. Because, from what I've read, they do not have a conscience. Introverts very much do. I know I could lose sleep at night because of it. It's often said that introverts enjoy talking about "meaningful" things, and I would guess that a sociopath would have more of a nihillistic attitude about meaningfulness- thinking basically that it doesn't exist. They are amoral and often appear to be social on the surface, because they use social skills in order to "use" other people. 

"Sociofobic" or social anxiety or shyness are all about fear. I know a lot of people who percieve them to be "weak", but I would take one of them over a sociopath any day. They might still be very nice people despite their fear.They need help, imo, but they're more likley to see their situation as a problem than a sociopath. In my opinion, these are the people that actually DO need to be drawn out of their "shells". 

Personally speaking, as an introvert intuitive, I don't feel like I am in a "shell", becasue that would suggest that I am hiding from the world. It feels more like that my body is a "car", and I am in my mind driving it. I feel like I AM my inner monolouge. That part of me may be hidden from the rest of the world, but it's not because I'm hiding myself, it's just because I CAN'T really be me in front of people, because my inner monolouge IS me. That's why I feel like an actor when I try to "play extrovert", and that's why I've often thought of many extroverts as having superficial carisma. Before I started researching personalities, I thought extroverts were full of themselves and putting on masks and not being their true selves in front of people, but I was wrong. Likewise, I think a lot of them think I'm stuck up and pretentious, but that is not true either. So, I think there's misunderstanding on both sides.


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## saturnne (Sep 8, 2009)

I already pressed the Thanks button, but I also just wanted to say, THANK YOU! Gracias.


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## ChukuNwanwa (Jul 15, 2010)

Interesting Post


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## Schadenfreude (Jul 20, 2010)

Thank you for this article.  My friends should read this.


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## darlarosa (Jul 20, 2010)

This article is very useful. I feel like I should show it to my friends. When I first meet people I find it hard to begin small talk but when a person actually suggests an interesting conversation most people are shocked. I go from no more than five words to very articulate thoughts.


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## Guest (Aug 10, 2010)

Sunless said:


> This was very helpful. As an introvert living in South America, i really do have trouble explaining why i dont want to go to the party. Ive been called everything from arrogant to low profile to bitch. Im gonna post this on facebook


dude, same here. im socail when i feel like it or am comfortable in my surrounding but later ill go into my room and do absolutly nothing. my family who is from south america are all extroverts and dont understand why i need privacy, so i also get called bitch, loser, etc. i thin i might print this out and hang it on some semi-obscure part of my wall


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## catlauren (Aug 14, 2010)

Thanks for the great article! I help administer personality tests where I volunteer and I have seen people get very upset and defensive because the test told them they were an introvert. How sad it is that introverts are so misunderstood that some people have to feel embarrassed about being one!


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## 0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 (Nov 22, 2009)

so you mean, the rest of you aren't antisocial and socially clueless?


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## MensSuperMateriam (Jun 2, 2010)

LeoperaGata said:


> dude, same here. im socail when i feel like it or am comfortable in my surrounding but later ill go into my room and do absolutly nothing. my family who is from south america are all extroverts and dont understand why i need privacy, so i also get called bitch, loser, etc. i thin i might print this out and hang it on some semi-obscure part of my wall


This "problem" seems to be universal in the mediaterranean culture, and also South America as a derivation of it. The anglo saxon/germanic culture seems to be more tolerant at this point. Although still a minority, I'm sure the ratio of introverts is much higher in these countries.


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## Darner (Apr 20, 2010)

MensSuperMateriam said:


> This "problem" seems to be universal in the mediaterranean culture, and also South America as a derivation of it. The anglo saxon/germanic culture seems to be more tolerant at this point. Although still a minority, I'm sure the ratio of introverts is much higher in these countries.


Very true. My land of origin is (because of all the historical fuss) half mediteranian half germanic and the difference is incredible. It is always interesting to watch the migrations for example during vacations - almost all extraverst go to the south whenever possible because all of the parties and the relaxed atmosphere. And all the introverst go to (or stay in) the melancholic, deserted (and oooh, so peaceful!) cities.


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## Kikotay (Feb 7, 2009)

Good to know. I've always have a few misconceptions about introverts too. Now my questions about my introvert-ness is finally answered :laughing:


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## Gabrielle (Sep 5, 2010)

Thanks for this post i'm an EN, i have friends that are Introverted, i didn't think they were shy i just didn't quite understand how they thought . This will help me try to relate to them better when hanging out with them. :happy:


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## The odd one out (Sep 17, 2010)

How do i subscribe to this post? XD this is a perfect rendition of our introverted race, bravo!


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## millestelle (Sep 8, 2010)

Yep, I hate it when some people constantly asks me 'Are you alright?'. I used to think that was a way of greeting in English (English is my second language) then I realised they asked that because they thought something is wrong with me as I seem so quiet.


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## Medea (Jun 5, 2010)

I'm always asked this. It frustrates the hell out of me.


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## IAmWhoAmI (Jun 23, 2010)

Youre 2nd point hit the nail on the head as to why I utterly hated dating and meeting females. The small talk drove me nuts. I don't care how someone's weekend was or what they think about the weather, boooring. Luckily I'm happily married now so I don't have to worry about that. But forming new friendships can be a struggle.


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## scarygirl (Aug 12, 2010)

Super nice work


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## Ikrash (Dec 19, 2010)

superb great points bro you got nice writing skills too


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## PartlyCloudy (Dec 29, 2010)

About five years ago I dropped a lifelong friend due to her constant attempts to get me to spend time in large groups, insisting that "this time" I'll enjoy it. No, sorry, but at my age I think I know what I enjoy and what I don't. I'm sure she was deeply hurt and bewildered by my suddenly cutting her out of my life but the alternative (fighting her off constantly) was wearing me down to a nub. All she had to do was stop trying to change me. Why is that so hard? I didn't spend my time trying to get her to spend quality time alone reading.

Having said that, I rather enjoy having an extroverted friend who accepts me. They do ALL the work in the relationship. I just have to laugh appropriately and nod at the right times and all is well. :laughing: I get my social needs met with a minimum of effort on my part. Seriously, they create the topics of conversation and I just have to follow along. If I want to say anything they don't get offended if I interrupt their constant chatter as they're delighted I'm speaking...out loud....:wink:


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## curious0610 (Jun 27, 2010)

4. Introverts need time alone to recharge.

+ 1! :happy:


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## Cobalt Blue (Aug 6, 2010)

Bookmarked 

I will spread this to my introverted friends too so they know what they are all about and stop looking down at themselves.


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## Mizmar (Aug 12, 2009)

PartlyCloudy said:


> Having said that, I rather enjoy having an extroverted friend who accepts me. They do ALL the work in the relationship. I just have to laugh appropriately and nod at the right times and all is well. :laughing: I get my social needs met with a minimum of effort on my part. Seriously, they create the topics of conversation and I just have to follow along. If I want to say anything they don't get offended if I interrupt their constant chatter as they're delighted I'm speaking...out loud....:wink:


I get along fine with those extroverts who can operate on my level when they interact with me. It has the paradoxical effect of bringing me out of myself and making me feel more_ truly_ extroverted, more truly energized by the interaction (as opposed to faking it). I much prefer those extroverts to the ones who "feel sorry" for me and want to "help" me. If they knew the joys of an inner life they wouldn't feel bad for me.


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## BeanDelphiki (Oct 20, 2010)

"What’s more, when extroverts try to engage introverts in small talk, it seems like they hit a brick wall."

ISFJs can do small talk.


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## Einsteinette (Jan 19, 2011)

Nice job :happy:


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## Lokkye (Dec 28, 2009)

Great article.. very true, not extremely relatable to me though because I'm borderline on the introversion scale


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## birthday (Feb 6, 2011)

Amen. Couldn't have been said any more clearer.


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## RocketMikari (Feb 14, 2011)

All of it fits me I'm not scared of people as some may assume, I get terribly bored of small talk and don't speak unless I have a reason to. But with hings such as presentations, etc. where I have a purpose and a reason to speak I tend to shock people because it all flows so well.


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## Fantastic Fantaseer (Apr 9, 2011)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> And because Frued thought that being an introvert was a mental illness, I'm now going to summon him back from the dead and kill him myself.


 *dies* oh! sorry! *laughing* yah. that's what I MENT to say, "dies LAUGHING". oh, and thanks for the artical to! that deffinetly decideds it! I'm printing out all the things like this I've found that are about people like me. and you know what I'm gunna do with them? SHOW THEM TO MY MOM!!!! maybe she'll understand me even if just a tiny little bit then. she once thought I was depressed. it was like, "exCUSE ME? now who's the one who's not a doctor and shouldn't go diagnosing others with stuff?"


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## talktome (Jun 4, 2011)

*You’ll find that all introverts are fine just the way they are until people begin to subtly suggest otherwise.

*Badda-bing, badda-boom!*

*(currently recovering from a failed relationship w an ESTP... he seriously thought I had something wrong with me that I needed to "fix" and that about f'ing killed me)*
*


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## Fantastic Fantaseer (Apr 9, 2011)

YEEEESS! My mom does that to me all the time! infact she's going to force me to go to counculing this wensday! she says it'll help with my "social anxiety" srew that! I don't have a problem, I don't need to be "fixed", and this will not "help" or make me happy or any better in any way! I told dad that, and he said to simply tell that to the therapist and of corse he/she will still ask me a few questions, but then they can tell mom that I really don't need this and that she shouldn't bother to bring me there or something like that. and you know what I thought of that plan? yah right. as if ANYTHING involving mom could EVER be THAT easy. in my wildest of wildest dreams wildest dream....maybe. possibly. but most unlikely.

there is NO freakin problem with me mom I swear! just because I'm not exactly like you in every way doesn't mean that something about me doesn't work or tha I'm broken in any way or are in any need of "fixing"!!!!!!!! and she wounders why I Like dad more. and THERE! that's my counsuling session RIGHT THERE! no need for any more mom, I'm fine! REALLY!


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## Demosthenes (Sep 17, 2011)

Excellently accurate.


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## HWard (Aug 24, 2011)

Ventricity said:


> i have seen various posts and i have heard that freud thought introversion was some kind of mental illness, either from birth or gained as we grow up. i find this very interesting, albeit controversial. i can see why especially extroverts can see introversion as something of an illness or oddity, but also i can see that introversion has a huge advantage in being able to function alone (especially reading and working on complex stuff for a long period of time). it would be interesting to debate this in a sort of darwinian perspective (allthough i think "darwinian" is a word that get used too much and wrongly in most cases)


If there was a way to discuss personality traits as an illness or sexual desire of one's parents, I always trust Freud got there first.


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