# Dealing with legitimate depression



## DMack (Aug 16, 2011)

I'm in a really rough spot in my life right now and I'm starting to exhibit the clinical symptoms of depression. I'm normally a huge extrovert but I just want to hide and not talk to anyone. I'm having difficulty making decisions and I'm normally very decisive. I've been mildly sick for a month and I can't shake it and no matter how much I sleep I can't get rested.

Now before you start telling me to check my thyroid, let me give you some context. Right now I have a mom who has terminal cancer and is fairly dependant on me. She has 3-6 months and we have been very close. I have an adult sister who never recovered from my dad passing who is unemployed and lives with my mom. She'll likely become dependant on me once my mom passes.

I had a completely unsupportive wife for nearly 12 years of miserable marriage. We're currently going through a divorce but she still lives in the same house with me. So I'm sleeping on a futon in the basement. Based on the way things usually goes in Minnesota she'll likely get nearly all of the physical custody of my 2 daughters. Thats the part that hurts the most.

As part of the unraveling of our marriage she basically kept our church which had been our social hub, so now I have baiscally 2 friends left in the world. For a very social extrovert that's pretty rough. I've spent the last 2 years having my character attacked and being marginalized by people I gave a large amount of my time and effort to help.

So there, I feel the depression is legit based on life, but I need some tactics to cope with it. I can't afford to shut down, too much depends on me keeping my head up. Any ideas, reasouces, etc?


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## KSKatze (Nov 15, 2012)

Hi there, i too am dealing with depression. I'm taking an interruption from my work. I would recommend getting a good counsellor (you may have to "shop around" for one that meets your needs); you will know when you've found a good one. 

Antidepressants are an option if things get really bad, they can give you a "leg up" (need to be careful with these though and again find one that meets your needs). These are best used in combination with counselling. Also find a GP that knows what he/she is talking about as regards to mental illness.

There is a lot of evidence behind Mindfulness- "mindfulness a practical guide to finding peace is in a frantic world" by Mark Williams and Danny Penman is a good book with meditations on CD- it is an 8 week course. I've just started this.

I enjoyed and related to the book "Shoot the damn dog, a memoir of depression" by Sally Brompton and "The scent of dried roses" by Tim Lott.

If you need immediate help, you can try calling crisis helplines, it's a misconception you have to be right in the midst of a crises; many of these are recognising the importance of providing help before a crisis happens. 

One of the best pieces of advice i got was to be gentle on yourself. 

I hope this helps


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

Yikes, it does sound like you are dealing with a lot. I'm so sorry about your mom :sad: Get the lousy people out of your life as much as you can. Take comfort in the fact that you did nothing but help them. What helped me, more than anything, was getting out of my head and using taking care of myself to do that. I started exercising more (which has proven to be as effective as antidepressants in many cases), taking care of what I needed to take care of for myself, and worrying less about other people who didn't need me worrying about them. No matter what the court rules, just be a good father to your kids, and for their sake treat their mother with as much respect as possible even though that may be difficult (you may already be doing this). 

This page has many good tips. 

Dealing with Depression: Self-Help and Coping Tips


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