# How often do you like to see someone you're dating?



## ifyouwishto (Jan 11, 2011)

Just like the title says: how often do you like to see someone you're dating? Also, how often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them? How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?

Let's assume:

a) you would like to have a serious relationship with this person
b) it's convenient to see them, and not expensive

Also, as an addendum: how often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating, vs. how often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?

I ask this because I waffle between thinking I could be too clingy vs. worrying that someone will think I'm uninterested due to too little time together.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Well, I'm in a pretty long distance relationship. Ideally, if it were to not be long distance? I suppose I'd want to see him all the time, he makes me incredibly happy. I like to talk to him at least once a day.. I don't think we've gone more than two days without talking.


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## Rogue Eagle (Oct 14, 2009)

right now it's probably every second day.


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Eerie said:


> Well, I'm in a pretty long distance relationship. Ideally, if it were to not be long distance? I suppose I'd want to see him all the time, he makes me incredibly happy. I like to talk to him at least once a day.. I don't think we've gone more than two days without talking.


Me too....

If I were near her I'd want to be with her a heck of a lot more often than now. I miss her so much...


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

avalanche183 said:


> Me too....
> 
> If I were near her I'd want to be with her a heck of a lot more often than now. I miss her so much...


At least you guys have met already, I feel really really impatient ...


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## angularvelocity (Jun 15, 2009)

Eerie said:


> At least you guys have met already, I feel really really impatient ...


Awwww.... sorry. 

I know this is derailing but is there a set date of when you'll be meeting?


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

Well, he should be here the second week of may...... I hope. I know that's not "that" far away, but it certainly feels like it at this point.


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## CallSignOWL (Jan 11, 2010)

I have a guy that Im interested in, and wouldn't mind seeing him everyday. We used to share a club together, but he hasnt been coming lately and I miss him. Seeing at that was our only real interaction, this development has really put a damper on my trying to get to know him better.....


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

ifyouwishto said:


> how often do you like to see someone you're dating?


I would say rather frequently. If I'm in an ongoing relationship with someone that means I like them. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with them whenever I could? If I like them, they're tops/the bee's knees/the cat's pajamas.



ifyouwishto said:


> Also, how often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them? How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?


Usually for me it's some combination of all three. I had an ex who I texted with constantly. I actually had to change my plan on my phone because we were exchanging between 3000 and 4000 text messages per month. I also saw her once or twice a week, chatted with her via text on Skype or Facebook chat almost every day, and did video chats on Skype a few times a week. We emailed too. We didn't talk on the phone much though. *blinks* Wow, we talked a lot, didn't we. :laughing: Never got sick of chatting with that one. *sigh* Good times.

That said, I'd give up all that stuff to just see a partner once a week and talk on the phone every day. There's much, much more to interaction with voice, and of course being in someone's physical presence, than I can ever get over text. Misunderstandings are so much more common without the context of body language and vocal cues.



ifyouwishto said:


> Also, as an addendum: how often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating, vs. how often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?


If I never saw them except maybe once a week for a date, and we were serious and close, I'd probably hope to hear from her daily in some way. Maybe by phone. Ideally over Skype video.



ifyouwishto said:


> I ask this because I waffle between thinking I could be too clingy vs. worrying that someone will think I'm uninterested due to too little time together.


I've struggled with similar concerns. For me, I had to come to terms with the fact that if the amount of attention I look for in a relationship is out of balance with that of my partner, then that's a warning sign that there's a compatibility issue. It's something to discuss IMMEDIATELY and either address and/or it's grounds to walk away and find someone who's on the same wavelength. I need to try not to subvert my needs in a relationship, but it's not something that's typically been easy. That's one of the reasons I'm here.


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

*How often do you like to see someone you're dating?*
A couple times a week is reasonable, I can barely manage with just one. In my opinion, I _think_ I could see them everyday. I just don't want to exhaust them with my presence. 

*How often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them? *
It wouldn't be necessary to talk every single day, but as long as it was short and sweet, I think I could handle it. If I have other priorities, I would like to settle those first.

*How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?*
Text can see so impersonal, but often times it's the better option if they're with others or neither wants to actually make the effort to call. It's best saved for things that don't need immediate attention.

*How often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating?*
To be more specific than, "a couple times a week", I would say at least three would be good. It might be excessive, it could also depend upon the other person and their energy level. I have no concern about my own.

*How often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?*
I could work with two days, but I prefer to spend a lot of time with people I'm close to. I don't want to wear someone out within a month or two, so I would assume we have good enough communication to establish what's "too much" and "too little" time spent together.


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## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

Fizz said:


> I could work with two days, but I prefer to spend a lot of time with people I'm close to. I don't want to wear someone out within a month or two, so I would assume we have good enough communication to establish what's "too much" and "too little" time spent together.


Quoted for excellent value in application to my own life.


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I don't have to see her every day, but I need notice of where she is and what she's doing. I need to supervise our entire relationship on a mental level in order to have the ability to seize control, through keeping an open connection between each other, otherwise I won't stay calm. I can handle spending several hours together per day, or but a couple of minutes. I have nothing of value to talk about, so she can just talk about her shit all day long for all I care.


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

*How often do you like to see someone you're dating?*
Seriously, like the weekends would be best. I don't need to be apart of their life every minute. I like the time together to be precious and well-spent rather than talking about meaningless stuff. Nothing beats long intimate sessions after a drought to really quench your thirst.

*How often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them? *
It could be every other day or daily

*How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?*
Again, I don't want to know about your friends or your boss *unless something is really bothering you*. I would rather have flirting talk so you know that I am thinking of you.

*How often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating?*
Just weekends so the time we have is special

*How often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?*
I would HATE to work with them or see them ALL the time. I don't want someone special being thought of as a co-worker.


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## PseudoSenator (Mar 7, 2010)

@jack london has, not surprisingly as he is a male INTJ himself, summed up my thoughts very well on the raised matter.

The same basically.


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## LiquidCool (Feb 26, 2011)

ifyouwishto said:


> Just like the title says: how often do you like to see someone you're dating?


Twice a week seems to push the limit for me, because not much changes day-to-day or week-to-week. Currently, I'm interested in seeing someone once a week or once every-other week. It's partially a need for space, but it's also because I don't want to impose my frustrations on her.



> Also, how often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them? How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?


In terms of having a full conversation: Definitely not everyday. I actually tend to be okay with "talking" once a week or less in most situations.

However, I really like to comment on posts and send and receive various links...or share interesting things as they happen or as I come across them.

Ultimately, though, it's just not the same thing as being together physically:
xkcd: Far Away

Re: Style: In terms of having an actual conversation, I prefer IM more than anything else - but I don't keep it open, so I would need a text to confirm that I can get on chat at the time. After that, it depends on the purpose of "talking."


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## MissyMaroon (Feb 24, 2010)

DvlHk said:


> Twice a week seems to push the limit for me, because not much changes day-to-day or week-to-week. Currently, I'm interested in seeing someone once a week or once every-other week. It's partially a need for space, but it's also because I don't want to impose my frustrations on her.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Haha, this doesn't sound like you're describing the criteria of a relationship, or even "dating" for that matter. To each his own I suppose.


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## MissyMaroon (Feb 24, 2010)

Eerie said:


> At least you guys have met already, I feel really really impatient ...


I'm in a long distance relationship myself with someone I've yet to meet in real life haha I know the feeling.

I already talk to him virtually like everyday and have almost every night since fall 2009 before we were together. Even if we're both busy or either of us is busy, it's important to me that we hear from each other at least once a day. Some people are saying that's too much when an hour long conversation once a day is a minuscule amount for me haha

I'd want to see him everyday and the time we spend together wouldn't be any less special just because he's a regular part of my life. This thread focuses on people you're "dating" so I don't know how people are answering because the relationship I have with this guy is pretty damn serious (an enfp being serious!?), it's serious business lol

I want to know everything and I want to share with him everything. Hopes, dreams, fears, wants, hates, worries, life, interests, plans, work, school, venting, jokes, trivial details, ideas, randomness, family, friends, etc.

We were already best friends before so it makes sense we've extended that into relationship mode haha so I can't really speak in behalf of those "dating" lol


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## IncredibleMouse (Jul 20, 2010)

Once a month or so should be sufficient.


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## chibs (Feb 24, 2011)

*How often do you like to see someone you're dating?*

more than one, less than four days a week.

*How often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them? *

however often it's absolutely necessary, otherwise i prefer talking face to face. 

*How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?*

i have no patience for chitchat and smalltalk. 

*How often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating?*

again, two to three days is the charm.

*How often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?*

i wouldn't. experience has shown that this too much contact, so i don't date in my work/friend/hobby zone. it doesn't matter how much i love someone, i need distance. :dry:


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

I honestly don't know. In fact my posting here is merely a shameless attempt to encourage someone else to respond whose answer I am very interested in hearing.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

MissyMaroon said:


> I'm in a long distance relationship myself with someone I've yet to meet in real life haha I know the feeling.
> 
> I already talk to him virtually like everyday and have almost every night since fall 2009 before we were together. Even if we're both busy or either of us is busy, it's important to me that we hear from each other at least once a day. Some people are saying that's too much when an hour long conversation once a day is a minuscule amount for me haha
> 
> ...


Hey, I'm an ENFP too and I'm pretty darn serious when it comes to my relationships.


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## Blanco (Dec 23, 2010)

Usually only on the weekend so once or twice a week. And we've gone past "dating".

We're both introverts and fairly independent non-clingy people so we appreciate our alone time. Also, she's a music student so she has a lot of out of class practice time that she need to attend during the week so she's pretty busy.


I was in a relationship with a clingy girl (an extrovert) once and it drove me nuts that she needed to talk or see me me every single day. It was so draining for me.


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## curious0610 (Jun 27, 2010)

*How often do you like to see someone you're dating?*
Initially, I think I would need frequent and constant communication with them (daily to a few times a week)- this has to do with me being INFJ though. This period is when I would need to be showered with *tons* of affirmation of someone's long-term romantic interest in me (verbally or non-verbally); I guess you could think of it in terms of growing a garden.... _please_ remember to water your flowers! :crazy: 

*How often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them? *
See above and below

*How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?*
This depends. It needn't be very serious _all_ the time (intellectual discussions, personal issues, etc). I am adverse to chitchat and small-talk in real life, but I would want to be as involved in someone's life. I would hope that person shares innocuous little details about his daily and weekly life, every so often (not all the time), whether it's about his friends or something for work or school. Excluding me from tiny things like this would make me think he wasn't planning on incorporating me into his long-term plans in life.

*How often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating?*
Once things become 'steady' or established, I would be okay with spacing things out to a few times a week to a few times a month, although the latter makes me feel :crying:. If we were to only see each other a few times a month though, I would want to talk to them more frequently. Otherwise, I wouldn't feel the need to contact them frequently and would be okay with limiting our (verbal and in-present) communication.

Another INTP posted for advice on our board, and this resonates with me:
"However, she is really affectionate while we're together, but doesn't give off a similar vibe while we're apart. She seems almost uninterested in maintaining contact within the relationship unless we're actually together."
http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/50724-intp-male-infj-female-input-please.html

During the quality time we spend together, I would be very happy to be in that person's company, etc, but during our time away, I wouldn't feel the need to touch base very frequently. I can see how this can be seen as being distant or uninterested though. 

*How often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?*
Weekday evenings (if we live/work/study nearby) would be perfect to routinely see each other - just to swing by after work or classes to spend time doing something low-key together: relaxing and enjoying a movie together, eating, working quietly together on separate tasks we have...


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Stephen said:


> I would say rather frequently. If I'm in an ongoing relationship with someone that means I like them. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with them whenever I could? If I like them, they're tops/the bee's knees/the cat's pajamas.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Lol. I think it's pretty hard for those of us who have been married before and who have lived with someone to really understand "just the weekend" mentality. I'm used to relaxing and letting it all out on a couch alone at night with a mate aka "my best friend".

Also, I tend to have some sort of stunted object permanence growth. If someone is out of sight, they are out of mind. Sure, come and go as you please. Also I DO need my space. I'm a private person. However, I probably will forget about you if it's been 4 days or more since I last heard from you. And it will be hard to integrate you back into my life. 

This is not a game, it is not something I'm even proud of. It's a _reality._ The person who really wants to be around me and doesn't consider me a "weekend thing" yet respects our individual space, will have my heart _and_ mind. But that doesn't mean I even have to live with him.

In fact, if I get married again I'm hoping the guy might consider living in separate houses. Next door to each other of course. :happy:


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## LiquidCool (Feb 26, 2011)

MissyMaroon said:


> Haha, this doesn't sound like you're describing the criteria of a relationship, or even "dating" for that matter. To each his own I suppose.


Part of it is practical, because I don't have much time for myself during the week. I actually need to spend less time on PerC and online in general, but it's more interesting - and easier - than reading cases.


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## jack london (Aug 27, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> In fact, if I get married again I'm hoping the guy might *consider living in separate houses*. Next door to each other of course. :happy:


I think lots of married people would love to have separate houses.


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## Kaetastrophe (Mar 7, 2011)

A couple times a week is fine with me. Having my space to do what I want to do is very important as well.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

*How often do you like to see someone you're dating?*
Well..to me it's a lot more about quality than quantity. Some weeks I could come up with doing something new and interesting a couple nights in a row and just call up with a 'baby, get dressed'.Other weeks I'd be stressed out and not want them to see me all brooding and not see them for a week. It all depends.I always stay reachable though, i think that's important.And if they need me, everything else can go to hell, including my brooding.

*How often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them?*
Every day, for sure.

*How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?*
it doesn't need to be serious, it can be anything. I'd want to know how their day is though, every day, that's important to me.A text will do, even.

*How often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating?*
Whenever we both want to see each other/have plans/whatever.2-4 times a week, probably. I could do every day too, if we're both feeling up to it.

*How often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?*
I don't really date who i work with.And class doesn't really count as relationship time, to me.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

*How often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?* This frightens me. I see it as a way of meeting them, but _ongoing_? What the hell do we have to talk about at night if we're with each other all day?  

Dipping your pen in the company ink is exciting only short term when it's "naughty". Ha!


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## ifyouwishto (Jan 11, 2011)

These answers have been interesting! It seems like, if some of the more extroverted feelers were put together with some of the very introverted thinkers, the natural reaction could be that one partner feels overwhelmed/suffocated and the other one starts to feel ignored and attention starved.

For me, I'm usually pretty comfortable once I've settled into a routine with someone, but those first few weeks can be hard - I always want to see them! In part because I (duh) like them so much. And if I go more than a day or two without really seeing them or talking to them, I start wonder if maybe things have fizzled out on their end and freak out a bit. So I absolutely have to see someone I like in person as much as they can stand for a while. It's those little looks/touches/tones of voice that really get me going. Otherwise... they could have become completely uninterested since I last saw them! Or at least that's what my head tells me.


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## kiskadee (Jan 9, 2009)

I've never been in a relationship, so I can't be certain, but I think seeing them once or twice per week would be nice, with the occasional text message/online conversation in between. (No phone calls, though. I don't like talking on the phone.)


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

I think I'd like to see them every two or three days or so and chat a little bit each day (maybe just a couple of texts or whatever), but I generally end up not talking or seeing partners for weeks =_=


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## Pyroscope (Apr 8, 2010)

I'm not very consistent with this... :bored: It might be daily, every two or three days, or only once a week, depending on what's going on with my emotions. It's also a problem that sometimes I want to disappear off the face of the earth from my friends (and girlfriends) for a day or more sometimes, which is, again, completely dependent on my feelings  Going for more than 3 or 4 days is probably a bad idea though because getting too disconnected is not good for your relationship and without consistency they can worry if you're still into them.


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

*How often do you like to see someone you're dating?*
I would say no more than _three_ times a week. I get burnt out pretty quickly, so if I'm really feeling somebody I would like to savor the moments we spend together. 

*How often (outside of seeing them) do you want to talk to them?*
It would be nice to get at least a "good morning" "good night" or "I'm thinking of you" text each day. I like to know I'm on my guys mind each and every day. However, I do not want to talk for hours and hours on end each day. As long as I see them a few times a week, and get at least one daily text or short phone call, I think I'm good. 

*How serious does this talking need to be (e-mail, text, phone)?*
I'm a texting person myself, but when it comes to dating/relationships, I find texting to be really impersonal. I would much rather have face-to-face conversations than anything. However, if it's just something short and simple, a text is fine. Just don't try to talk to me exclusively through text, because that won't work for me. And half the time I won't answer the phone, and I don't check my email often. So face-to-face is best!  

*How often would you want to see them if you would never see each other outside of dating?*
At least 3-4 times a week. We need that time together. Not to mention, I'm highly sexual when in a relationship...and I require at least that many times per week. Hah. 

*How often would you want to see them if you have occasional class/work/other ways of routinely seeing each other?*
I personally can't do too much. If we see each other in a daily class or something, then I don't need to see you but maybe two times per week outside of that. I had one ex who I had two classes with one semester... we would see each other in class, then he would want to go out to eat after each class, then hang out for a while after class 3-4x/week. It was sweet, but a bit too much time spent together for me.


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