# "You remind me of my ex": compliment or insult?



## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

I try not to compare ex's~ Looks wise or maybe personality.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

tanstaafl28 said:


> Of course, on two levels.
> 
> 1. I want to be someone new and exciting to her, not someone they've already gone around the block a few times with. Same is boring. I want to be a _*new*_ adventure.
> 
> 2. If she hasn't learned and grown from the experience of being with her ex to the point that she's gone out and found someone similar to replace him with, I begin to have serious doubts this is going anywhere. She's not looking for love, she's looking for the security of the familiar.


How are things going with your re-connection? _crosses fingers_ We all need hope.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> How are things going with your re-connection? _crosses fingers_ We all need hope.


You mean the woman I just got home from visiting this past weekend? Oh we're in love. Already have plans for her to see my family (she hasn't seen them in 30 years or so). We're going on vacation to the Outer Banks in July.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

I've only ever had one person say that to me before who actually meant it and it was because I wasn't showing any interest in her. I also took it as a slight insult so that's how I would interpret it if someone said that to me. It was also pretty clear that she wasn't over her ex so that's also how I'd interpret someone comparing me to their ex. Everyone else who said it meant it figuratively as a way of saying not interested. So either a slight insult or neutral to slightly negative is how I would interpret it if someone said that to me.


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## Dalien (Jul 21, 2010)

Here’s a real kicker…
Your spouse (husband for me) calls you their (his) ex’s name in the middle of making love.
Everything died at that moment.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

I'm not someone who needs to walk away with a conclusion when it may just result in inaccuracy. I would leave it open-ended and let it go or bring it up casually when the right moment comes along later. It's better to be certain than to falsely accuse.


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## HAL (May 10, 2014)

Absolutely impossible to judge without context.

If the ex broke her heart and she wants/wanted him back, it might mean she sees something love-worthy in me.

If the ex was an overall bad person who she loathed and then left, it means she sees something awful in me.

Impossible to judge, unless the "you remind me of my ex" statement is made with additional expressions, tone of voice, etc. But then we're talking about general semantics that one ought to apply to any statement said about you.


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## Summer70 (Feb 27, 2021)

There's a guy I appreciate that reminds me of a guy I dislike, and my bestie's boyfriend totally reminds me of my first boyfriend (now ex, but still good friend).
It doesn't bear much meaning to me: they simply -objectively- share similar traits. So, "You remind me of my ex" is neutral to me. What I would do with this information if I were on the receiving end would strongly depend on the context. It actually happened to me once, and the only thought I had was "_Ok. (I don't really care.)_"

That being said, a lot of people love to feel unique and usually feel slightly insulted if you tell them they remind you of another person. Except if the person that serves as a comparison is a star or someone they admire. So, in most cases, I prefer to keep these thoughts to myself, out of consideration for people's feelings.


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## DOGSOUP (Jan 29, 2016)

They have a Type™. 

I used to think it was a negative comparison until it happened to me. Then I realized, ofc, _it has to be a compliment!_


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

tanstaafl28 said:


> You mean the woman I just got home from visiting this past weekend? Oh we're in love. Already have plans for her to see my family (she hasn't seen them in 30 years or so). We're going on vacation to the Outer Banks in July.


I  when good people find their person or re-find! Timing can be a precarious thing.


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

_ - You remind me of my ex. 
- Disgusting, but how?_


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

ENIGMA2019 said:


> I  when good people find their person or re-find! Timing can be a precarious thing.


What boggles my mind is I keep falling for ISxJs. I believe they challenge me to look at the world differently. I think we're tired of all the BS and just accept each other as we are.


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## ENIGMA2019 (Jun 1, 2015)

tanstaafl28 said:


> What boggles my mind is I keep falling for ISxJs. I believe they challenge me to look at the world differently. I think we're tired of all the BS and just accept each other as we are.


Interesting perspective. Whatever works=it works  Maybe, the others were a preparation of sorts? Hence ~ timing comment.


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## AnneINTJ (11 mo ago)

Depends on what I think of the ex. Usually, there's a good reason why they are an "ex". But without context I need more info.


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## Llyralen (Sep 4, 2017)

Situation dependent! Here is a reason I think someone said it to my friend…

We work in a hospital. My friend was training a new traveling worker who is around 55-65 years old. She is young, cute, caring and smart. They were going from patient room to patient room and in every room when she started to explain medical information to patients he would say, pointing “She’s just like my ex-wife!” a minute later when she would answer their questions, he would say while rolling his eyes with a smile “Oh, no…here she goes again!”

By the way… this guy got fired pretty quickly. He couldn’t pay attention while being trained and didn’t learn the job. She asked me what I thought, I said very directly: “Sexism. He wasn’t used to girls he is attracted to training him and he couldn’t take it. You know this about some older men (not all) when we are trying to teach them how to take care of their health and all they know how to do is crack jokes to you or tell you about their accomplishments? Yeah, that was him too.”

“Why say I am like his ex-wife do you think?”

“I think either he was trying to signal to the people in the room that he could get a pretty young thing like you or establish his dominance in some way or another. We all deal with sexism all the time from older men, we women all know it… we just don’t talk about it enough.”

“Come to think of it, he said a lot of things to put me down.”

“Yeah. I heard it.”

“Someone else heard it too and reported him. I guess I got him fired.”

“I also heard him trying to flirt with you. He got himself fired. Not me, but yeah… that’s what we should be doing, probably, is reporting. Except we can’t do that with patients, of course. When you’re in the middle of explaining something and they turn and ask their question to the male house keeper, or look over at the male housekeeper for confirmation that you’re telling the truth, you know what is going on. When you think about it, the older guys have probably had to adapt a lot. In their era women weren’t expected to be educated, and their job was to serve men. My generation kind of watched a lot of this change, but it’s definitely still a big part of things and not everybody adapted well and we all know it, especially in a hospital. We should talk about sexism more because I think women could be on the brink of losing rights again. We didn’t have rights for hundreds of years. Things can easily slip.”

And yep… I wrote this whole thing out. What was the original situation? If you’d like to say?


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## sweetirony (Sep 26, 2014)

Infinitus said:


> You hear this phrase. You don't know of the context, nor get the opportunity to ask the person what they meant by this exactly. Do you go away believing this is a compliment, insult, or otherwise?


Insult either way still thinking of them


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## Infinitus (Jul 12, 2019)

Llyralen said:


> What was the original situation? If you’d like to say?


It’s hypothetical, as to how people react to such a statement, sans context. I have usually asked for context/clarification in this situation. But as I stated, I lean towards it offending me, regardless.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Neither a compliment or an insult. Probably a combination. 

I just would probably be very uninterested because I'd prefer not to be some sort of theme the person just recycles


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## tarmonk (Nov 21, 2017)

Probably neither of those options - most likely won't even pay much attention to it, especially if it's a standalone statement without context. But even with the context added, probs won't feel much anything about it - maybe just ask what's the meaning behind it.


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## Hexigoon (Mar 12, 2018)

*"You remind me of my ex"*

Yeah, I'm a pretty average human so it happens that I'm reminiscent of people who you probably want to punch in the face or still might want to bonk their groin region into oblivion. I apologize for existing.


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