# INFP + ENFP? Your thoughts~



## wanderingscribe (Nov 2, 2009)

I feel like this was the best spot for this thread...

-- I'm sorry if this specific subject has been disscussed already.


INFP + ENFP? Thoughts!

I recently wrote a short film on what I am thinking is a INFP/ISFP Male and an ENFP Female. I don't know what they truly are because they're characters that live in the virtual that I have yet to fully understand. The main reason I based the characters like this was for the particular context of the premise... I had a person in a rut and another who got him/her out. Now specifically it was an INFP/ISFP male and an ENFP female. I did this because the INFP/ISFP is "stuck" in a variety ways and he used to see the world though a "colored glass" as I've called (no, it's not a rose-colored glass). In short the way I see it is he lost all motivation and in to inspiration to do anything with his life or himself. So I had the ENFP female come along 'to' "inspirer" him. Now it works great sure in the fantasy of film, however I started to think about this, INFP + ENFP. 

To me personally it seems like a great relationship as long as the are attuned to their differences and act accordingly. I feel like each gives what the other "needs", while also each being very comfortable together with the other. I feel like they could each bring out the best in each other. (I'm not saying other types can't bring out the best each other including these two!)
There are problems I see yes, especially down the road that could arise but still I think it might be a good match. Whatever good match means anyways when you have billions of people and 16 types~

Anyways I just thought I would get your comments, experiences, theories and so on.

ENFP + INFP?

You could also take it further and see it as INFP Male + ENFP Female or INFP Female + ENFP Male


So what do you guys think?


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

i think your short film sounds a lot like "notting hill" 

well im an ENFP who's attracted to INFP/Js and i have one problem for you.. INFPs have a real problem when ENFPs arent quite as perfect and nice as they first made out they were. they also get disconcerted when we always want to go off and socialize with other people instead of spending all our time with them.


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## Grey (Oct 10, 2009)

It seems like an interesting premise, and one that's been addressed previously within this forum. I knew an INFP friend who was interested in an ENFP (male INFP, female ENFP). They were together for a fair while, but eventually split because the INFP felt that the ENFP was both neglecting him and not being honest with him, as she would act differently based on who she was with. Although this was a younger couple, I think this might be a general problem for ENFP-INFP pairings, at least when it comes to the ENFP. The ENFP isn't going out of their way to lie and deceive, of course, but an INFP might see it as such due to the inconsistency.

I can't address the Introvert-Extrovert spectrum as I've never heard it described in terms of INFP-ENFP, and I personally enjoy it - it means, if the extrovert goes off with their friends, although quality time is lost, it encourages independence and alone time.


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## blackandindie (Nov 30, 2009)

I've been in a relationship with an ENFP, and the good times are nothing short of amazing. But in those stressful moments, it can be very exasperating.. especially when she had a very strong FP. So... if you have a well developed T and J, I'd say go for it. Otherwise, I'd say its a good fling. thats about it.


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## wanderingscribe (Nov 2, 2009)

> i think your short film sounds a lot like "notting hill"


hehe, luckily in this case I've never seen it, so can't call me on it... whoever does the calling~

I doubt it's like "Notting Hill" though, the last 1-2 minutes are very Wes Anderson, montage actually~


I mean of course in all relationships there will be snags of both type and individual couple. I was very attracted to the idea of Inspirer - Artist, Inspirer- Creator, Inspirer - Dreamer. Some basic things would need to be there. A somewhat understanding level, the intro needs alone time and peace, the extra needs to socialize. That kind of thing. If you've got that the biggest trick I would see is to keep it going, instead it may be just a fun ride when it could have been a beautiful journey. I just feel like each recieves from the other what he/she needs and EACH can naturally give easily what the other needs. It's natural to inspire, that's what the INFP needs, it's natural to give and create from Inspiration which in turn is what allows the ENFP to inspire. The ENFP needs to have 'beauty' or 'essense' so to say to be able to be.

This is of course coming from a persona of Romantic Ideals in all corners... so it's a really beautiful world I paint for this relationship. Which we all know, nothing is ever, or at least very rare to be that wonderful.


I can't get this out of my head now that it's there. I see a marvelous circle of wonder and good, a flow of kindness and awe. soft smiles. It's really that give and take that I'm looking at. How they so naturally chase and adore each other. Providing each with what the other pursues. Fantastical, I know, but it seems like it could be...


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## Moby (Nov 14, 2009)

I absolutely love INFP women. Were it not creepy I'd have potential dates take the Myers-Brigg with the hopes they'd score as an INFP, which would then be a ticket to a few dates with me.

I love what INFPs stand for. They seem complimentary. I dated one, and were it not for simply two big things we didn't agree on (and her doing the typical INFP militant defense of herself) I think I'd marry her. From her end I know she was absolutely captivated by me. When I broke up with her 5 minutes was me breaking up with her, an hour was her trying to save it.

But she'd never rescind on those things she was defending no matter what. Ohhh, sweet INFPs...


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## khayman (Nov 26, 2009)

Tridentus said:


> INFPs have a real problem when ENFPs arent quite as perfect and nice as they first made out they were. they also get disconcerted when we always want to go off and socialize with other people instead of spending all our time with them.


Spot on; I`ve had an ENFP girlfriend with whom I`ve been together for almost 5 years. She was (and still is) very outgoing and a lover of parties and such - of course I happen to be the exact opposite from that aspect, so it`s usually been quite a downer to see her go out to a party or somesuch. Of course I sometimes tried to go with her, after all she was my girlfriend, but I don`t like such gatherings much for various reasons, be it the types of people or music or whatever, so I usually felt like crap while she was trying to have the time of her life, but couldn`t really, because it was obvious that I wasn`t feeling that good myself.

Of course sometimes it was great that she went out, left me with some space, but more often than not it was more space than I actually needed (she went to college to a different town, only ended up seeing each other 1-2 days each month, etc.) It`s been amazing though, we usually had absolutely wonderful times together, had zero fights during our first 2 years of our relationship, but later on they started popping up here and there. Next thing we know, we`re arguing 24/7 and it was usually for petty little reasons - I was going strong with my "_typical militant defense of myself_", as Moby so well put it. :blushed: That, plus unrealistically high expectations of her and totally unfounded jealousy fits from her proved to be the undoing of my love for her.

What`s funny though is that my best RL friend is an ENFP and we never fight -- we make quite the dynamic duo together. We`ve known each other for almost 10 years and I trust him with my life. All this said, I still hope my next better half to be an ENFP - I know what I was doing wrong the last time and I like to think my perception of the world and people around me have changed since then (2-3 years or so ago).

If you have any questions about how things were between us, I`ll gladly answer them. roud:


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## Etchingsunderthecarpet (Dec 21, 2009)

One of my best friends is an ENFP. We play music together, the two of us, and we are sometimes pretty serious about it. It seems like he flourishes in the department of understanding and relating to other people usually, and I flourish in the department of understanding myself. So he is more of a social butterfly... we go to parties... he is always tormented by his phone. I think that without him, I would not know nearly as many people as I know now (mostly acquaintances though). But he struggles with extreme anxiety and difficulties confronting issues within himself (this is a simplification to keep this not-that-long). We have heart to hearts where I feel like I am able to provide a lot of insight--or better yet, I am the callus to BOTH of us diving into an introspective and insightfully rewarding conversation! 

On a side note, when we play music together, this is how it usually goes: I want to chill and immerse in the music. He invites people over (which I love), or he has plans to go out and party in fifteen minutes (which sucks cause I hate racing against the clock).

Don't know how much this adds, but its the best knowledge I have of the INFP/ENFP relationship.
Oh! one more thing. When I am with most people, I am the scatterbrained strange one. But when I am with my buddy (the ENFP) I am usually the logical one or the man with the plan or the down to earth one. I think he has more of a desire to be everywhere at one time than I--but to everyone else, it seems like I want to be everywhere at one time, even if that is just in my mind.

disclaimer--I sometimes am fairly extraverted for an INFP


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## Alice in Wonderland (Sep 7, 2009)

I love ENFPs and think a great realationships could work as long as the ENFP gives the INFP enough space and refrains from being smothering. :laughing:


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## vivalamusica2012 (Dec 19, 2009)

An INFP did wonders for my life...when things were good, they were AMAZING. But when he would really try to make me "reason" I simply could not see it from his perspective. He frustrates me when he says he wants something at an emotional level, but logically it won't work so he turns it down. As blackandindie said above, my FP weren't very strong and I was just learning about my personality. Do I think it could work now? Maybe. I'll always have a strong FP. To me, that's not an issue. But back on subject, I think the ENFP-INFP could be great if the ENFP can handle the somewhat more logical mind of an INFP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

vivalamusica2012 said:


> An INFP did wonders for my life...when things were good, they were AMAZING. But when he would really try to make me "reason" I simply could not see it from his perspective. He frustrates me when he says he wants something at an emotional level, but logically it won't work so he turns it down. As blackandindie said above, my FP weren't very strong and I was just learning about my personality. Do I think it could work now? Maybe. I'll always have a strong FP. To me, that's not an issue. But back on subject, I think the ENFP-INFP could be great if the ENFP can handle the somewhat more logical mind of an INFP.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


remember everyone is different.. the INFP you knew could simply have been a weak F or have had a developed T. also Fs use logic too when it seems to make sense and their feelings aren't serving them, it's just we tend not to be as good at it 
he could simply have used both logic and feelings to make a decision, but chooses to use logic to explain himself cos it makes his choice seem more viable, when subconsciously he took the decision because he felt that way. guys might be more prone to this because they're expected to act like thinkers, that's something i've found.

certainly the last INFP girl i met relied heavily on her feelings.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

I think it depends entirely on the individuals and not their personality type.


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## spifffo (Jan 21, 2010)

> INFPs have a real problem when ENFPs arent quite as perfect and nice as they first made out they were. they also get disconcerted when we always want to go off and socialize with other people instead of spending all our time with them.


I've had this experience too. I dated a male INFP for a few months, and I felt kinda smothered at parties when he always wanted my attention...I couldn't mingle the same way I was used to mingling, and that's a big draw that parties have for me. I got along better with the INFP one on one than in groups for this reason, though in both settings we always had fun together and could keep up conversation.

I found we both had similar hang-ups and problems when it came to relationships...so we couldn't really help each other, and we didn't really get anywhere. We also got out of sync too much--one person would give up just as the other person was finally starting to try harder, over and over again. It probably didn't help that we were also both Enneatype 9 (him with an 8 wing and me with a 1 wing.) 

I also felt he was idealizing me, seeing me as a "nicer" person than I really was, refusing to notice any of my flaws, and holding me to an unrealistic and impractical standard--I didn't even _want _to be as "nice" as he thought I was, but I also really really didn't want to disappoint him. That said, he is probably the kindest, most accepting person I have ever met. He's not only accepted but also _encouraged _me in situations when I usually would have been very awkward and insecure, and that means quite a lot to me.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

spifffo said:


> I've had this experience too. I dated a male INFP for a few months, and I felt kinda smothered at parties when he always wanted my attention...I couldn't mingle the same way I was used to mingling, and that's a big draw that parties have for me. I got along better with the INFP one on one than in groups for this reason, though in both settings we always had fun together and could keep up conversation.
> 
> I found we both had similar hang-ups and problems when it came to relationships...so we couldn't really help each other, and we didn't really get anywhere. We also got out of sync too much--one person would give up just as the other person was finally starting to try harder, over and over again. It probably didn't help that we were also both Enneatype 9 (him with an 8 wing and me with a 1 wing.)
> 
> I also felt he was idealizing me, seeing me as a "nicer" person than I really was, refusing to notice any of my flaws, and holding me to an unrealistic and impractical standard--I didn't even _want _to be as "nice" as he thought I was, but I also really really didn't want to disappoint him. That said, he is probably the kindest, most accepting person I have ever met. He's not only accepted but also _encouraged _me in situations when I usually would have been very awkward and insecure, and that means quite a lot to me.


yep that sounds like the INFP experience to me roud:

i think they sense that we are SIMILAR to them inside and they expect us to reciprocate that intensity. its nice in small doses, but not all the time. also when you want to socialise, you always sense the INFP being disappointed about why you aren't paying them as much attention, and it gets incredibly distracting. it feels like their giving you a moral dilemma about whether to go against your nature and pay them all your attention, or to mingle as you said.

a big problem of when they idealise us (as flattering as it is), is that there's no grey area, so they give you a fair amount of room to make mistakes, until you act differently enough of their vision of you to break their illusion, then they're like a switch and you've got no chance. i tend to do this a bit, but INFPs take it overboard i reckon.


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## calysco (Jan 23, 2010)

well, i've never dated one before but i have a somewhat-close friend who's an ENFP male. not sure if it'll help you but i can give you my take on it. also, i'm rather close to being an INTP so just letting you know that beforehand.

summary of everything below so you don't have to read it: 

it probably won't work 

why: 

when i first met him, i thought we'd be good friends because we seemed to understand each other very well in terms of humor and we could see eye-to-eye on emotional/relationship issues. 

however, as time went by, the closer friends we became, the more he kept trying to make me hang out with him. this would be fine if it were just us or with a few (limit: 2 other) friends however, he loves to be in groups of 5+. he doesnt seem to understand that i hate hanging out with people who i barely know and constantly pushes me (either through words, looks, or sarcasm) to be more social. 

he also has a problem where when he's completely caught up in the moment, he loses the ability to sense discomfort in others (regardless of the other's personality type). he has good intentions and he definitely would stop had he known he was making the situation awkward but as it is, he lacks that ability. 

although he's very good at trying to improve his weak points, he's absolutely adamant in rejecting any possibility that his good friends have any weaknesses. 

all in all, he's a good guy with good intentions, loves making friends but i hate how he keeps trying to drag me along to places with strangers, both which i have zero interest in.


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## Tridentus (Dec 14, 2009)

very good summary of ENFP guys, and now we have both viewpoints 

it's funny how everyone experiences this 'at first it seemed like we could be close', and then the ENFPs sociality always gets in the way.

calysco you could try asking him if he knows about mbti tests, encourage him to take the test- as an ENFP he'll probably be interested, have a chat to him about it, add that you're an INFP and jokingly say "thats why i don't like it when we're hanging out with too many strangers! ". im sure he'll understand and take the hint.


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## calysco (Jan 23, 2010)

Tridentus said:


> very good summary of ENFP guys, and now we have both viewpoints
> 
> it's funny how everyone experiences this 'at first it seemed like we could be close', and then the ENFPs sociality always gets in the way.
> 
> calysco you could try asking him if he knows about mbti tests, encourage him to take the test- as an ENFP he'll probably be interested, have a chat to him about it, add that you're an INFP and jokingly say "thats why i don't like it when we're hanging out with too many strangers! ". im sure he'll understand and take the hint.



oh, i've had him take the personality test, that's how i knew he was an enfp. he knows that i'm uncomfortable around strangers but he's the kind of guy who likes pushing himself to the limits and he always tries to overcome his weaknesses by placing himself outside the comfort zone (he used to be an infp). however, i've already made it clear that i am not willing to go outside in groups of strangers (i had to tell him at least 4 or 5 times?) so he rarely invites me out anymore. 

however, it still sucks seeing the disappointment in his eyes whenever he asks me and i tell him no.


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## Pied Tubist (Nov 10, 2009)

I think INFPs are fascinating and would love to have more INFP friends. The one problem I see is that INFPs are so similar to us ENFPs that we have a lot of the same weaknesses. Who's going to keep the checkbook balanced and pay the bills? Um, we'll get around to it -- sometime.


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## Etchingsunderthecarpet (Dec 21, 2009)

That's exactly the kind of INFP/(ENFP) that I am... the kind you say your friend is. I find myself being more and more ENFP lately.... ah, my poor INFJ girlfriend.... I find that when I am afraid of something, I usually do my best to just get out there and do it. In the past, I'd always required quite a bit of alone time and never consistently socialized with anyone. I'm still inconsistent (so I'm sometimes lonely) but I find myself socializing with anyone and everyone, including strangers. I do anything I can to experience the world and when I do want to be alone, I even isolate myself from my beautiful INFJ. I feel bad, like she wants to be around just me more than I want to be around just her (as in, the two of us and no one else).

So I guess this is relevant in the sense that its an INFP/ENFP relationship within myself. :tongue:


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## Etchingsunderthecarpet (Dec 21, 2009)

calysco said:


> oh, i've had him take the personality test, that's how i knew he was an enfp. he knows that i'm uncomfortable around strangers but he's the kind of guy who likes pushing himself to the limits and he always tries to overcome his weaknesses by placing himself outside the comfort zone (he used to be an infp). however, i've already made it clear that i am not willing to go outside in groups of strangers (i had to tell him at least 4 or 5 times?) so he rarely invites me out anymore.
> 
> however, it still sucks seeing the disappointment in his eyes whenever he asks me and i tell him no.


That's exactly the kind of INFP/(ENFP) that I am... the kind you say your friend is. I find myself being more and more ENFP lately.... ah, my poor INFJ girlfriend.... I find that when I am afraid of something, I usually do my best to just get out there and do it. In the past, I'd always required quite a bit of alone time and never consistently socialized with anyone. I'm still inconsistent (so I'm sometimes lonely) but I find myself socializing with anyone and everyone, including strangers. I do anything I can to experience the world and when I do want to be alone, I even isolate myself from my beautiful INFJ. I feel bad, like she wants to be around just me more than I want to be around just her (as in, the two of us and no one else).

So I guess this is relevant in the sense that its an INFP/ENFP relationship within myself. :tongue:


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## Etchingsunderthecarpet (Dec 21, 2009)

sorry for the double post--I was trying to quote... one thing led to another


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## calysco (Jan 23, 2010)

Etchingsunderthecarpet said:


> That's exactly the kind of INFP/(ENFP) that I am... the kind you say your friend is. I find myself being more and more ENFP lately.... ah, my poor INFJ girlfriend.... I find that when I am afraid of something, I usually do my best to just get out there and do it. In the past, I'd always required quite a bit of alone time and never consistently socialized with anyone. I'm still inconsistent (so I'm sometimes lonely) but I find myself socializing with anyone and everyone, including strangers. I do anything I can to experience the world and when I do want to be alone, I even isolate myself from my beautiful INFJ. I feel bad, like she wants to be around just me more than I want to be around just her (as in, the two of us and no one else).
> 
> So I guess this is relevant in the sense that its an INFP/ENFP relationship within myself. :tongue:


why not bring her with you when you go exploring? (i am under the assumption that you are like my ENFP friend who likes exploring) INFJs (i am also under the assumption that your gf is like my INFJ friend) don't care where they go as long as they're with someone they care a lot about. 

in this way, by making it just you and her, she'll feel like you guys are spending time together, and by going out exploring, you have the freedom to make chit-chat with strangers. however, tell her beforehand to observe the people who you're going to be talking with and ask her after the person is gone what she thinks the stranger is like, i think she'd enjoy that. (INFJs are very good observers and in my experience they tend to be right)


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## Etchingsunderthecarpet (Dec 21, 2009)

calysco said:


> why not bring her with you when you go exploring? (i am under the assumption that you are like my ENFP friend who likes exploring) INFJs (i am also under the assumption that your gf is like my INFJ friend) don't care where they go as long as they're with someone they care a lot about.
> 
> in this way, by making it just you and her, she'll feel like you guys are spending time together, and by going out exploring, you have the freedom to make chit-chat with strangers. however, tell her beforehand to observe the people who you're going to be talking with and ask her after the person is gone what she thinks the stranger is like, i think she'd enjoy that. (INFJs are very good observers and in my experience they tend to be right)



I think you're right on. I love exploring and she is up for most things if she's with me. I think where it goes wrong is that she feels neglected at times in these situations--so I like the idea of asking her about her observations as a method to make her feel more included. That and I just generally need to be a little more patient... its definitely not a strength....


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## calysco (Jan 23, 2010)

Etchingsunderthecarpet said:


> I think you're right on. I love exploring and she is up for most things if she's with me. I think where it goes wrong is that she feels neglected at times in these situations--so I like the idea of asking her about her observations as a method to make her feel more included. That and I just generally need to be a little more patient... its definitely not a strength....



oh boy. :| patience is one of my major weaknesses as well. i tend to cut into what people are saying once i figure out what they're going to say to save time. haha good luck with that!


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## sparklygreengirl (Dec 4, 2009)

I was married to an ENFP for 6 years. It was great at first, we had an immediate connection, and really 'got' each other. He brought me out of myself, and vice versa, but as time went on and things became more serious, kids, house, bills etc, thats when things started going wrong. I ended up taking care of all the bills, as we had, not unsurprisingly, got into debt, and the kids etc. I think He didnt like the fact that I couldnt give my full attention to Him, and actually He became very possessive. He also had a tendency to lie, although I dont think it was done maliciously. After a while, and actually after a lot of sulking on His part(which I hated), over certain things, it was like a swicth went off in my head, and that was enough for me. We are still friends because of the kids, and I do think we maybe should have kept it at that from the start, but hey you live and learn.

I know this sounds quite negative against ENFPs, Im sure I had my own part to play, and we were young when we met. I think I did grow up a lot while we were together(I had to), and He never did, He's still like a big kid


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## KateAusten (Feb 6, 2010)

The guy I was with off and on from when I was 15-21 was an INFP. We could talk for hours and always had an amazing connection and understood each other. The main problem was neediness. He just needed me too much, was too easily hurt.

He also had more of a "we" mentality and I have more of a "me." I see myself as someone traveling alone through the world and my romantic partners are just people I spend a lot of time with, but they're not a part of me. He wanted to be attached to a person, have a relationship that defined him and his life. When we were in college, he wanted a girlfriend like his friends had, who would be around all the time and want to play house, whereas I would get up and leave when he was playing video games or hanging out with his friends (not to make a point, I just got so bored) and wanted to sleep in my own bed in my own dorm. 

I eventually cheated and broke up with him for good and have mostly dated polyamorously since then. I think INFPs are just too...gentle for me? Usually people I'm most attracted to are E, T, or both. After a couple years we randomly reconnected. I'm actually struggling with what to do about him right now, because we mentioned meeting up to hang out, and I disappeared for awhile, then flaked out a couple times, and instead of getting annoyed he just tries harder to cement plans with me. I wanted to be friends because he's a blast to talk to (the attraction is just zilch) but this sort of behavior is starting to scare me off before I even try that. I've successfully avoided getting entangled with needy people since then and I don't want to deal with a needy friend.


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