# Men who get along better with women than other men.



## cavarice

I _very commonly _see on internet forums and in person women who mention that all of their friends are guys, that they relate to men better than other women, etc. However, I almost never notice the inverse: men who mostly find themselves preferring to interact with women. 

I am one such of these individuals, however. I gravitate much more towards women and am usually uninterested and am comparatively indifferent to the company of other men. Are any other guys like this? Do you have reasons for being this way, if you are? 

Very important note; I'm speaking here purely of non-sexual, _purely platonic_ interaction.


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## Blood Rose

cavarice said:


> I _very commonly _see on internet forums and in person women who mention that all of their friends are guys, that they relate to men better than other women, etc. However, I almost never notice the inverse: men who mostly find themselves preferring to interact with women.
> 
> I am one such of these individuals, however. I gravitate much more towards women and am usually uninterested and am comparatively indifferent to the company of other men. Are any other guys like this? Do you have reasons for being this way, if you are?
> 
> Very important note; I'm speaking here purely of non-sexual, _purely platonic_ interaction.


I have male friends like this, though, they're all F types, and they're rather feminine themselves. You are an INTP however, so.. hm. Is there any conscious reason you gravitate more towards women?


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## Mutatio NOmenis

^Horniness?

I tend to make my best contacts with T women. The stigma of being an I anything and the stigma of being a T woman seems to give us a bit of talking ground to start.


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## Ormazd

Generally speaking I tend to prefer the company of women than that of men. I am not entirely certain as to why this is however.


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## retypepassword

cavarice said:


> I am one such of these individuals, however. I gravitate much more towards women and am usually uninterested and am comparatively indifferent to the company of other men. Are any other guys like this? Do you have reasons for being this way, if you are?
> 
> Very important note; I'm speaking here purely of non-sexual, _purely platonic_ interaction.


I've been wondering about this as well: More than three-quarters of my friends here in college/uni are women, and probably 90% of the men I know were friends from high school, so nearly all of the friends I've made here have been women. I'm not sure how things turned out this way, but I don't think about it too much.

And of course, it's all purely platonic: I don't want anything more and they don't either. Yesterday, I asked one of my friends something purely to serve as a lead-in to something else I wanted to talk about. I knew the question could be misconstrued as a romantic advance, so I was hoping she wouldn't interpret it that way, but she immediately put up a boundary, rejecting me on the basis of her misinterpretation of my question.

That's the one thing I don't like about women: I have to be careful with what I say and what I do because they always seem to interpret my words and actions as part of a (nonexistent) "agenda." When I do the same to men, they generally don't think anything of it.

Besides that one downside, I seem to make friends with women more easily, and I prefer hanging out with them. Nearly all my male friends seem to tire of me after I've been around for too long, and it starts to feel like they don't want me around. So I suppose I don't actually _prefer_ women, so to speak: Men don't seem to enjoy my company as much; naturally, I interact more with women because they're an alternative.

Other men's not enjoying my company is not the whole picture, though. I, myself, don't particularly enjoy hanging out with men, either: We generally have nearly nothing in common. They enjoy watching sports, playing video games, watching women, and all those other things so many men seem to like. I know I definitely don't enjoy those activities, though I'm not sure what I _do_ enjoy.

What it all boils down to is this: I don't fit in with men very well, and I probably don't fit in that well with women either, but generally women seem more accepting of me. And I prefer dramas and romance films over horror and action movies, but that's another story.



Blood Rose said:


> I have male friends like this, though, they're all F types, and they're rather feminine themselves.


I'm an NF, and I don't consider myself feminine, but you may be onto something here.


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## skycloud86

I think that although I don't really get along more with one of the sexes than the other, I still would probably find women more interesting than men and more likely to be friends with them. Many men my age are too laddish for me to really relate to them.


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## Nearsification

I personally prefer woman friends because they just seem smarter....


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## Indigo Aria

I used to prefer the company of women. I had a very idealised view of the world (this was back in my INFP days...I'm now an ISTP) and preferred how women were generelly socialized in the US. They always seemed smarter and better with people than men. But then one day I realized there are just as many bad/stupid women as there are bad/stupid men. and there are also just as many good men as there are good women.

But now I prefer the company of no one, except maybe my two friends. who are men, and we are very close.


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## Quin Sabe

Since starting college in this past fall 75% of the friends I've made are women, but then again they also compromise the only group of girls I've been friends with so....

(home school + scouts = no female friends )


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## Kevinaswell

I only have 2 male friends.

I love females.


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## Solace

cavarice said:


> Are any other guys like this? Do you have reasons for being this way, if you are?
> 
> Very important note; I'm speaking here purely of non-sexual, _purely platonic_ interaction.


I grew up with mostly female friends. Part of that I think was just due to the community, but I think I also sought out more mature people to consider as my friends. As women mature faster mentally and physically, I think this is a logical conclusion. That doesn't mean that my male friends weren't mature, but I looked to them for different things than I did to my female friends.


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## NinjaSwan

I tend to feel extremely comfortable in the presence of women, more so then I do with the dudes. Perhaps it's the social stigma of not being the stereotypical male or whatever. Most guys tend to piss me off.

Tho it's probably because women are _awesome._


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## Enkidu

I suppose I would be guilty of this. I was raised around a lot of strong-minded women while growing up and generally feel more comfortable befriending women over men. But this is to a point, though. Never really been a 'pal' to any, that I left to my guys friends. I think I was just conditioned by my family life :laughing:


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## waterviolet

I'm sure a large part of it that seems to be ignored are the hormonal aspects. 

Naturally, men gravitate towards women but typically in a more physical way. In order for a man to feel "manly" he's got to be immersed in a sea of testosterone. Let's face it, a man is "manly" with a woman *always*...but they feel the true test of being "manly" is when they are compared to and even supported by their masculine peers. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule; those that don't need to be acknowledged as "manly" by their male peers, those that have more "feminine" qualities and are okay with it, etc and so on. 

Women are somewhat similar. Personally, I get along with men better because they aren't catty, fake, overly obsessed with their make-up etc. And let's face it - other women are my competition. Do I need to be reminded that I'm not a size zero and not in my 20's??! Oh, and nevermind the fact that I can't stand going to the mall and talking about what color polish will go better with what outfit! Men, are just easier to talk to because generally the ones I hang around care to hear what I have to say - even if it is because of some hidden animal instinct to get up my skirt! Let's face it...being around a man makes me feel more feminine...and I love that!


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## skycloud86

waterviolet said:


> I'm sure a large part of it that seems to be ignored are the hormonal aspects.
> 
> Naturally, men gravitate towards women but typically in a more physical way. In order for a man to feel "manly" he's got to be immersed in a sea of testosterone. Let's face it, a man is "manly" with a woman *always*...but they feel the true test of being "manly" is when they are compared to and even supported by their masculine peers. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule; those that don't need to be acknowledged as "manly" by their male peers, those that have more "feminine" qualities and are okay with it, etc and so on.
> 
> Women are somewhat similar. Personally, I get along with men better because they aren't catty, fake, overly obsessed with their make-up etc. And let's face it - other women are my competition. Do I need to be reminded that I'm not a size zero and not in my 20's??! Oh, and nevermind the fact that I can't stand going to the mall and talking about what color polish will go better with what outfit! Men, are just easier to talk to because generally the ones I hang around care to hear what I have to say - even if it is because of some hidden animal instinct to get up my skirt! Let's face it...being around a man makes me feel more feminine...and I love that!


There's actually many men who do want to be and stay friends with women, men who don't strike up friendships with women just for the chance to have sex with her. I would say most men can control those instincts but society demands they do not, and most decide to comply with society.


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## Hiccups24-7

Men who get along better with women than other men are my favourite kind of men. They are more balanced and receptive to a woman's needs and hhmmm "ways". Guys that click on that level are just well....right. They make being straight look incredibly tempting. hhmmmmm it's almost my bed time my brain is asleep :frustrating:


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## waterviolet

Completely understood Skycloud86. 
I was meaning this more in a subconscious sense and I failed to note that. Not every man I am friends with finds me attractive and wants to jump my bones...I'm glad there are men out there that seek intellectual friendships over the desire for a merely physical relationship. As animal instincts would have it however, I do think that most men (not all) whether they will admit to it or not will have some hormonally driven thought race through their minds about each woman he talks to in his general age group (unless he finds her repulsive or he prefers the other gender).


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## Female INFJ

cavarice said:


> I _very commonly _see on internet forums and in person women who mention that all of their friends are guys, that they relate to men better than other women, etc. However, I almost never notice the inverse: men who mostly find themselves preferring to interact with women.
> 
> I am one such of these individuals, however. I gravitate much more towards women and am usually uninterested and am comparatively indifferent to the company of other men. Are any other guys like this? Do you have reasons for being this way, if you are?
> 
> Very important note; I'm speaking here purely of non-sexual, _purely platonic_ interaction.


hi *cavarice* - nice subject. i have found that younger men and women are into this platonic relationship stuff, and why not? i think it is so nice to have someone of the opposite sex around, i love it. my friend is 23, i'm 30, and he has no problems communicating with all kinds of women. he has both male and female friends. i think a healthy balance is good. i think a man who can be friendly and respectful to a woman is a nice person overall. [not the kind of guy that befriends women to get a woman, some of these guys think they are not transparent, but they are]. 

this topic could be a life stage thing to - because i notice men my own age, and slightly older aren't really into looking for friendships with women, because they are likely looking to get married. some people get into a very focused state around 30, i guess they have to get their career together or on a mission to find a mate, so they aren't interested in having "friends". i didn't really think of this, until i was about 23, dating a guy of 32 who was moving way too quickly for me, and i just wanted to be his friend, and he told me frankly - i don't want another friend, i want a wife. so i ditched him, i wasn't ready...i thought he was mean then, but now i feel the same way, i don't want to meet another great guy, i want to find a life partner...there is so much exhaustion for me just thinking about this...but anyway - yes, nothing is wrong with this, and i see it as a positive thing, that men have women friends. why not be friends? i understand friendship as just that, and then one can more easily meet other friends, and possible partners through friends, so i don't understand why guys and gals get all in an uptight rut, and don't enjoy single-ness, mingling, and platonic relationships.

i get concerned if a guy has ALL women friends, and no guy friends, but i've never seen this case, guys usually have some sort of guy friends. i think girls do that more, there are the typical "i can only be friends with guys" and i think for those types of girls, there is a reason why women don't like them, and don't want to be friends with them. i guess there aren't many nice guys like you who have lots of girl friends, as you have keenly observed. my best guy friend is like that. well i have two guy friends like that! i think it depends on interests too. also a guy that can laugh at himself, and be ok around "the girls" would be a good platonic friend candidate. i used to hang with this guy, he liked dining out, and was emotional, so i imagine being with women was natural for him. guys did make fun of him at times though, but that didn't bother him. 

sorry for dis-ogranized blurb here, i hope something of use comes out of my post! just what you said, brought me back, to so many guys that won't accept female friends, because they are just determined to find their partner or start up their career. i guess the years of youth don't last forever. enjoy all the friendships you can before everyone gets married!

but a lot of younger guys i observe under 26 really can do the platonic thing without complication, i think it's cool. and i welcome any friendships like this too. i try to avoid it due to age difference, but my friend says, "age is just a number" and he says i look 23 anyhow, so i should just chill out. i guess i'll just go with the flow. i have no idea what has happened to Gen x, maybe they just don't like me, or want to be friends with me. or are just into their own lives. most are married i suppose [i'll just go back into my "alone" cave quietly]. i do have some experience, as i'm not too shy in talking to men, i like them! last guy i talked to, actually my own age, he got all defensive, because i was being nice to him, he thought i was interested in him! i was like wait a minute - i'm not looking. but that was an akward unnecessary moment, so i will likely find it harder to talk to him now, even though we are friends. but what's the big deal in being nice? and the defensiveness. ick


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## Mizmar

I've always preferred the company of women and I think the reasons go back to my early years. In school, my earliest memories are of being bullied by other guys. In contrast, the girls always just let me be. Also, my mother tended to provide me with a lot of space, but she was also good at listening and understanding. In contrast, my father always had a more forceful, domineering energy to him. 

With women I've always felt like I could let my guard down. Also, communication tends to flow more effortlessly with women; they seem to just naturally know what I feel or need, so I don't have to talk as much. (I'm being general here.) 

I like my guy friends as much as my women friends, I just happen to have a lot more of the latter.


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## HannibalLecter

I'm quite the recluse. I rarely get along with anybody.


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## TreeBob

I have mainly women as friends and I think this is because it's easier to talk to them about emotional issues then it is with men. Men typically run from conversations regarding feelings or hide behind machismo.


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## noosabar

Yeah me too. I so much more prefer the company of females. My closest friends are wemon, and they are all over fifty years of age. These girls are some of the most vibrant, active and youngest people I know. I love them in a plutonic way.


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## suicidal_orange

I'm not sure I have anything to add but agree with so much of what has been written - I'll appologise in advance for what looks sure to be a long post...



retypepassword said:


> I, myself, don't particularly enjoy hanging out with men, either: We generally have nearly nothing in common. They enjoy watching sports, playing video games, watching women, and all those other things so many men seem to like. I know I definitely don't enjoy those activities, though I'm not sure what I do enjoy.


I'm an INTP but could have written this, "manly" things just aren't fun. But then, neither is bitching about whoever's missing from the group of girls or the idolisation of celebrities far too old to be interested...



skycloud86 said:


> Many men my age are too laddish for me to really relate to them


Yup. Immaturity is prevalent :sad:



Spades said:


> As women mature faster mentally...


The best social experience I've had this year was with a group of women all 5 years+ older than me, some 25 older. That said, my male friends are my age but the females are years younger, so maybe they do mature quicker. Just most of both aren't quick enough.



NinjaSwan said:


> Perhaps it's the social stigma of not being the stereotypical male


Anyone who does other sex friendships surely doesn't do it to gain a stigma - that's madness. You do what comes naturally or you force yourself to comply with societies expectation by becoming the stereotypical male/female.



waterviolet said:


> As animal instincts would have it however, I do think that most men (not all) whether they will admit to it or not will have some hormonally driven thought race through their minds about each woman he talks to in his general age group (unless he finds her repulsive or he prefers the other gender).


True (for me, at least). Of course instincts say we should be taking every girl to bed, it's the only undeniable point to life. I'd suggest that few people analyse themselves as much as INTP's and without analysis they would probably deny it but everyone does it. There's nothing wrong with "sizing up" a potential partner whenever you meet someone - one day you'll find one.



Female INFJ said:


> i have found that younger men and women are into this platonic relationship stuff, and why not? ... a lot of younger guys i observe under 26 really can do the platonic thing without complication, i think it's cool. ... last guy i talked to, actually my own age, he got all defensive, because i was being nice to him, he thought i was interested in him!


Oh no! I'm 25, are you suggesting that soon I'll actually be looking seriously and incapable of adding to my very small group of friends? I hope not...


While writing this two things stick out - maturity and lack of fear of being different. Is it this self-confidence that allows the individual to be accepted by the other group? Seems I'm not really someone who gets on better with females as much as someone who seeks maturity and mainly being around females has led to a twisted perception of what is. I'll go think on it for a bit and may add more later!


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## Female INFJ

asmit127 said:


> Oh no! I'm 25, are you suggesting that soon I'll actually be looking seriously and incapable of adding to my very small group of friends? I hope not...
> 
> While writing this two things stick out - maturity and lack of fear of being different. Is it this self-confidence that allows the individual to be accepted by the other group? Seems I'm not really someone who gets on better with females as much as someone who seeks maturity and mainly being around females has led to a twisted perception of what is. I'll go think on it for a bit and may add more later!


Yes, depending on the situation, it can be more difficult to find good quality friends, because, people are changing so rapidly, and trying to build their careers, and also get married, or find partners - so i was just referring to these changes in men around 25-35, i have met so many that i would like to spend time with, but they are so busy. and well, where i live in Toronto, i suppose culture is very different. there is a lot of attention paid to money and status here, and also some trends that are not agreeable going on...but then that is another discussion.

the second part of your response is a little complex, what are you trying to say? i don't get it  i like INTP, always thinking, and introspecting. yes, there are some absurd perceptions here. however to add to what i said, i think there is the gen-x, gen-y differences, this is what i am referring to also, because i find older men i try to be around, very different from younger men. i was just appreciating how nice and fun younger guys are, and i find them less superficial, and more open to speaking and flirting with women who are years older than they are. and also, i think this perception of who is advanced intellectually or not is changing too, the guys in here on PerC for example, and way smarter than i am, at 19, and i'm 30. *sigh* wish i took school more seriously! hehehe but i'm not overly concerned, i am innovative smart, not book smart, so i'll survive  well it is such a nice topic...i'll wait for you to write more, before i write more. but i'm a girl with primarily girl friends, until all these 23 year old men started surfacing in my life, all my guy friends are 23. i do have to watch myself though, as i find them very appealing. but from the economic perspective, and life phase perspective, it makes sense, because i'm in a stage where i'm free to spend time, and guys at that age, may have some time, before they delve into their careers, and for the ambitious guys, that will totally consume them for at least until they are in their early 30s. so this is an issue i think with many facets, there aren't right or wrong answers.


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## suicidal_orange

Female INFJ said:


> I like INTP, always thinking, and introspecting


Eh... thanks?



Female INFJ said:


> the second part of your response is a little complex, what are you trying to say?


Sorry, thinking aloud while trying to express clarity in the shortest way possible (so someone actually bothers to read it!) never works. 

What I'm still musing on is whether the inter-sex friendship is sexless and based on mutual respect of maturity or due to age-difference/sex and maturity correlation or if it's just about the stereotypes associated with the sexes. Of course I can only go on my experiences but when girls are involved so are emotions and natural instincts (to care for the weak) so even working out me isn't easy. I sound crazy so I'll stop there :tongue:



Female INFJ said:


> where i live in Toronto, i suppose culture is very different


Interesting how you assumed this - you're right. I live in a small town full of old people so very different from city life. Everyone ambitious has moved on leaving the unintelligent, the immature and me, who is none of these things. (or at least I'd like to think so). Though I've never had or wanted a girlfriend so that could be seen as immature...

I'll respond to the rest later when I've got some idea what I actually think :happy:


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## suicidal_orange

Female INFJ said:


> depending on the situation, it can be more difficult to find good quality friends, because, people are changing so rapidly, and trying to build their careers, and also get married, or find partners - so i was just referring to these changes in men around 25-35, i have met so many that i would like to spend time with, but they are so busy


This all sounds very sad and I hope I can avoid it (well, the career part anyway). I've failed to see the point of getting a better paid job in a nearby city when that would mean wasting hours a day traveling and nearly the whole difference in salary on running a car, purely to get to and from work... on the rare occaision you meet someone you may sound impressive but after the intro you're not a different or more interesting person because you have a cool job title. And how can you expect to find a partner if not by being out spending time with people? Surely other sex friendships would be perfect for this... 



Female INFJ said:


> i was just appreciating how nice and fun younger guys are, and i find them less superficial, and more open to speaking and flirting with women who are years older than they are. and also, i think this perception of who is advanced intellectually or not is changing too, the guys in here on PerC for example, and way smarter than i am, at 19, and i'm 30.


Hmm... mentioning flirting in a thread about friendship? I'm unsure where the line is, but I thought that was the difference between friend and potential partner. You complained about being seen as interested when talking to a young guy yet think they are flirting with you? Chances are most people on here all day are students, so of course they are the more intelligent people. Some might be lucky and be allowed on at work but I know I've never had that luxury!



Female INFJ said:


> i am innovative smart, not book smart


Doesn't sound a bad thing to me. It's all very well quoting the "truth" found in books but how does that make you clever? As long as you have a job that covers your needs (not superficial commercialised expectations/wants) you have enough education. I'd rather talk to someone capable of thinking and that you have time and energy outside your work to meet new people suggests you're doing everything right :happy:


So back to the topic. You have actually presented an anomaly in being an older woman liking younger men, as although I enjoyed the company of (much) older women I'd not have thought to call them friends. If it were about maturity I'd have some older male friends and younger males would annoy you, but this isn't the case. 



Female INFJ said:


> i think there is the gen-x, gen-y differences, this is what i am referring to also, because i find older men i try to be around, very different from younger men.


I'm not too familiar with this gen-x and y thing, is it supposed to be about how society was when you're growing up? As in gen-x should be all attached to technology while gen-y more sociable in person, as it used to be necessity? I get the impression from you this doesn't work...

I've decided that I like girl friends because they don't have the competitiveness that males do in a group. Whether discussing their last night out (drinking contest) or the football (taking the piss out of someone because their team lost) or who had the worst week at work everything is a contest. But do they do this around females, that's the question. No, they don't. They try to appear more caring, and the competition becomes who can engage the female in conversation. Quite amusing when you look back on it! And I guess a group of girls doesn't behave the same way when I'm not around, they probably discuss men more? Or image issues? One to one I'm not bothered as everyone seems completely different from in a group though there are things you're not supposed to admit to male friends that are OK with female ones. Like appreciation of animal cuteness - it's inherently un-manly so just not a topic that comes up yet girls appreciate this side of me.



Female INFJ said:


> there aren't right or wrong answers


There are none that apply to everyone, but that doesn't make them wrong :happy:


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## Joseph Conte

I'm the same way. I am also INTP. I have lots of male friends but they seem to be fake and competitive around me. or they want me around to get the girls w/c i don't really like doing. I am a very good looking guy. Men & Women like to be around me but the men seem to like me around to get them girls. I do occasionally get good male friends and most of them tend to be more intellectual and also less about pursuing women. I get a lot of homosexual admirers too. I'm not a homophobe in fact i've dated a lesbian girl who had me as her 1st guy. male homosexuals courting me drives me nuts however. I have not made a single homosexual male friend either i have tried but all of them seem to make a move after a while. I prefer women as company they don't bs as much around me. no i have so much money and cars bs. i wear shades at night. rayban vision bs hahahaha. when they don't have a cent its pitiful really there are tons of male posers.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro

l've had close male fiends but l don't know if l've known many men who had a female friend preference. My male friends had a balance and l befriended their male friends.

Actually my INTP stepdad was and is friends with almost exclusively lesbians, his only male friends that l've known are our family members and he's awkward with them.


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## DemonAbyss10

gets amusing when all my friends that are guys see me talking to the female group of friends. They tend to rate them as 8-10s and for some reason get irritated to fuck with me over the fact I don't try to get with them. Of course there is the negative of getting your manhood called into question over it, but why bother when you honestly do not feel attraction.


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## Luke

I don't necessarily get along with women better than men, as I have more male friends than female friends, but I like women more than I like men. I think women have nicer personalities as a whole and are generally more beneficial to society. I find it easier to make friends with men, but I also have a distrust for men.


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## spiderman616

I like to spend time with anybody who is not afraid to express their human condition and is not afraid of it. Unfortunately society makes it harder for men to do it and it is practically expected of women.


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## Epherion

For me its opposite, i can not relate to women at all.


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## survivalistperfecto2007

I can't have man friends because they are all fake, they don't acknowledge me by my name, and they always put me into a box. Mainly, I'd get along better with females and have only have woman friends, but hardly have anyone in my life. I live in the middle of nowhere, reclusive. I'm happy


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## recycled_lube_oil

I get on better with women than other guys. I think it was partly upbringing, both my parents worked so when I was too young to look after myself I would get dumped at someone's house for them to childmind me over the holidays, normally these people had daughters not sons. 

Also at social events, I generally have women coming and talking to me more than I do dudes. This is not a bad thing as there is no ego being chucked around. Also, talking about the football match is f**king boring.

I do have male friends, but all they seem bothered about are video games, Marvel and sports. Where as with women, I find it easier as can just talk about nothing in particular. I find the trash talk at my local gym more inspiring than I do talking to fully grown up dudes about the latest Marvel series, so yeah I would rather be around women.

Also, it can and does lead to sex at times. I'm not a meat worshipper, so its a dimension that does not exist with my male friends.

On the downside, I sometimes have to consciously filter what I say as a lot of what guys can shrug off and not notice, women appear to get offended by (I can happily shrug off when they say all men are dicks blah, blah, blah as apparently I'm "different"), but now-a-days I think that has rubbed off on me as its less and less of a challenge and when I am with male friends, my banter isn't as bad as it used to be.

All that said however, give me a few pints and I can easily become the biggest dickhead around if I am with the sort of crowd that festers that sort of behaviour.

Some other things, it does bring out some of the haters. Especially at social events, as I am supposed to awkward with women I suppose, so yeah I get hate from some other dudes (well sorry but I am not sorry). And it pays to be careful of which women I chat too, some of them have boyfriends, some have husbands, it can get messy. Especially when things like jealousy and envy come into play. This is also damn annoying at times, if it is some woman I can easily chat too but there is no sexual appeal what so ever. Its like "Bruv, don't worry, she is f**king minging, I have standards", but yeah, I can't say that. Well I can, but it would cause more issues than it would solve.


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