# Compatibility between the 9 types



## B404 (Aug 3, 2016)

Hi Everyone, !

I believe any enneagram type can work well with any type as long as both are healthy.
So I saw a couple of sites discussing the compatibility between types and some questions about the relationships compatibility between the 9 types with wings.

Here my own list of who my could work "best" with the types and wings paired together.

6w5 9w1
6w7 9w8
5w6 1w9
5w4 1w2
4w3 2w3
4w5 2w1
7w8 8w7
7w6 8w9
3w2 3w4

This made the most sense to me when matching them up. roud:


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

B404 said:


> Hi Everyone, !
> 
> I believe any enneagram type can work well with any type as long as both are healthy.
> So I saw a couple of sites discussing the compatibility between types and some questions about the relationships compatibility between the 9 types with wings.
> ...


Cannot agree with the 4w3 or 7w6 matches.


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## throughtheroses (May 25, 2016)

I would NEVER go for a 2. In fact, they're my least favorite option for a potential partner! (Friend? Yes. Lover? No way.)

Most 4s are attracted to 8s (my first choice), 9s, 7s, or other 4s, with maybe the occasional 5 or 1 thrown in for variety. I can't imagine a scenario where a 4 and a 2 would ever work out.

That being said, the effort you put into your list should be appreciated.


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

I say meh on 5s and yay on 6s <3 .


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

Yeah, I agree that 4s and 2s should not be paired. There are also theories that 5 and 1 have hidden connections, like 4 and 8 famously do, but 4s and 8s so often adore each other, so maybe it works for 5s and 1s too?

For my own type, 8w7, I say it works for me in theory. Unfortunately, I've never met a confirmed 7w8 (and the only ones I've really seen online are the inflammatory dude-with-something-to-prove probably-mistype, so that doesn't help.) I think I would like 7s and 4s best, and other 8s if they're not total assholes. My best friends in high school were 7w6 and 4w3, so that's interesting.

I think it's funny that 3 is paired with itself, and it makes me wonder - which types could be easily compatible with themselves across wings, and which ones couldn't be? Do 9w8s, for instance, get along well with 9w1s? I'm not sure.


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## bruh (Oct 27, 2015)

I personally dont have a best type when it comes to unhealthy type


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

bruh said:


> I personally dont have a best type when it comes to unhealthy type


I hear you, also OT but weren't you previously typed as so/sp?


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## bruh (Oct 27, 2015)

inabox said:


> I hear you, also OT but weren't you previously typed as so/sp?


I just figured I was impulsive all my life, there is a trending thread or two in the ennea forums if you want a closer look into the instincts


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## B404 (Aug 3, 2016)

When I say "best" I don't mean exclusively in a sense of of dating or friendship. Attraction also is something that's not taken in for good reasons. It's just to focus on the different personality and from their strengths and weaknesses.

Strictly taken from the personality pages and their descriptions 

~Like with the 4 and 2 relationship 4's have a feeling of abandonment and 2 the resucers/helpers will be right by 4s through any pain or there to help (something 2s need to feel is that they are helping others.) 2s tendency to loose thier own needs can be brought to light by a 4 who is always keen on their emotions and needs. 2s can become codependent and manipulative in a subtle way by over extending themselves to others. 4s are so Individualistic and any atempt to manipulate the 4s individuality will be recognized fast and put to an end. 
~9's try not to rock the boat sometimes causing them their own grief and 6's big on loyalty can show 9's it's okay to choose a side.
9's can show 6s the most worrisome of types how to achieve the peace the 9s always seem to have. 
~ 7's can become scattered af, out of any controll and ignore the problems that they have going on. An 8 can show 7s how to focus and face the negative challenges instead of 7 leaving once things start to get rough. While seven can help the 8 lighten up and help them to resist the urge to become so Authoritive and controlling of others. Since 7s are so social that can help calm the 8s urge to become antisocial.

These are some quick comparisons but along with the differences the types have so many similar qualities that they are matched with.


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

B404 said:


> When I say "best" I don't mean exclusively in a sense of of dating or friendship. Attraction also is something that's not taken in for good reasons. It's just to focus on the different personality and from their strengths and weaknesses.


Okay, that makes more sense, but maybe "compatibility" isn't the best word to describe that.

But I still have reservations. Again, I focus on where my own type is concerned:



> ~ 7's can become scattered af, out of any controll and ignore the problems that they have going on. An 8 can show 7s how to focus and face the negative challenges instead of 7 leaving once things start to get rough. While seven can help the 8 lighten up and help them to resist the urge to become so Authoritive and controlling of others. Since 7s are so social that can help calm the 8s urge to become antisocial.


The first post put 8w7 and 7w8 together. The my-core-as-your-wing relationship leads me to think these advantages wouldn't really show up (eg I leave when things get rough too, because of my 7 wing, making any non-work relationship with a 7 conceivably difficult if we're both too afraid to commit). Yes, there are things I can learn from a 7, but I'm not sure I'd say I can learn more from 7s than other types, or even say that what 7s have to teach me is of any importance to me, with my current priorities. 

Another point would be, well, shouldn't we all be "learning" from our integration points, or at least the types we have lines to? Eg, why do 4 and 2 go together in this theory, but not 8 and 2 or 4 and 1? And why do 3s still get left all by themselves? Do they have nothing to learn from anyone else or something?


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

B404 said:


> When I say "best" I don't mean exclusively in a sense of of dating or friendship. Attraction also is something that's not taken in for good reasons. It's just to focus on the different personality and from their strengths and weaknesses.
> 
> Strictly taken from the personality pages and their descriptions
> 
> ...


Well the sticky type 4 compatibility page on this site says that 4s and 2s usually friends rather than lovers; and if this is true, that's for a good reason. I dated two guys who had a 2 heart centers and while it's nice to have someone who would try to be there for you whenever possible, it's also sometimes hard to be with someone who is manipulative and will have some interest in changing you for 'the better' so that you become more palatable to them and their intimates; of course, not all 2s are like this but many are. Make no mistake, they give to get, they're doing you a favour so you are then obligated to them. They're rescuers alright but uh ... 'fixers' too and not always in the nice way. Also, while it's nice to have support, I find 6s and 4s do this wonderfully too and when they do it, there's a wonderful groundedness to it: it feels more real and sincere with them like hey if you get outta your head, you'll have an easier time dealing with your issues. It's not that 2s can't do it but sometimes, it feels weirdly hollow when they do. Also it's unpleasant for me to sometimes be around someone who embodies my crappy issues with codependency, entitlement and insecurity. I have to advise them to stop overextending themselves out of the expectation to receive love while they don't/can't do the same for me (the guys I dated had trouble with that). They have their own struggles in that arena so yeah, I can see why they would have trouble making me remember why I should be 'realistic' about say things like friendships, jobs, what have you. It's not that they're not realistic or practical (they very much are, after all, they're in the realist triad) but not in a way I can really appreciate or care for. Contrast that with say sp1s (the only tolerable 1s haha ironically my favourite members of the enneagram) or 6s, who are realistic is a way that I can take seriously.

Also, the cloying, sweet fakeness. Am I jealous of their ability to win over people? Sure *shrugs* a little. But jeez, I appreciate 9s and 6s far more in that aspect: ie being diplomatic but having a backbone, valuing teamwork, being responsible and competent. In contrast, I don't admire the _emotional tyranny_ of 2s (Fe manipulation by some, eg, you must do this or it will ruin the emotional atmosphere and I'm smiling so sweetly won't you please do this demeaning for me, come on I'm so niiice or Fi control: I'm oh so amazing, come fawn over me even though it would be inappropriate for you to hit on me or me to order you around but hey I'm the best remember? Why are you saying nice things about someone else? Must mark my own territory) or the lack of self awareness eg the failure to recognize that the attempt to fulfill my 'needs' is unappreciated because it was unasked for; don't do unimportant shit for me and then pretend that you saved my life when you are the kind of person who wouldn't pour a bucket of water on me if I were on fire. Unhealthy 2s rival unhealthy 3s in that respect; there's something unpleasant about this whole attitude of, 'I'll do *whatever* I have to do keep up this image of loveableness; I don't like it when people lie to themselves because they then by extension lie to others. Insincerity and false sweetness are repulsive.

Here's what I do learn from 2s: be honest with yourself and others, work hard and be good to others but don't try to trap them because you are not entitled to anything and learn to stand up for yourself in a way that guards your interest without harming others.

I know that I might sound harsh about 2s judging from what I said but I do love the 2s in my life (my best friends, my nephew <3 <3 <3 ) . And of course, it goes without saying, that they have many virtues. I could date a 2 *shrugs* , depends on the future.

As for 7s and 8s? I have a 7w6 ENFP so/sx friend who is married to an 8w7 ESFP sx/so. It's not that they don't help each other (business partners in socionics, after all) but they're not that great at dealing with problems where calmness is needed. Maybe, a 8w9 would be better but I find 7w6 like a softer touch: 6s usually. The fact that they can learn from each other is not exclusive to this pairing only. 7w6s and 3w4s make a better pairing, probably  

As for 7s teaching 8s not to be antisocial? Lol. Maybe a 7w6 could do that but 7w8s can be openly hostile and aggressive. A lot of ESTPs I know are 7w8s and save for one, they usually enjoy causing drama or being in the middle of it; the arrogance and need for excitement at the cost of emotional upheaval is just a regular day for them: and while this kind of behaviour requires that one be amidst larger groups, it's ultimately antisocial . 7w8s could perhaps teach 8w7s about being less bossy but they're pushy themselves and not always in a wow, they get things done way but wow who the f**k died and may you boss so you could favour your cronies while giving others a rough deal. I knew a 7w8/8w7 couple (sx/sos, ESFP/ESTP); they were both, separately and combined, unpleasant to be around, they exacerbated each others' worst qualities (plotting against others, backbiting, engineering social games about winning and losing stupid BS, using others as emotional crutches and being unfaithful, combinedly bullying other people). I mean I get why people like that stay together perhaps because no one else would want to put up with that BS but I'd wager they'd need people could at once be straightforward but calmer with them. Types that would antagonize them less; who could put up with their BS but also put an end to it whenever needed. They could both criticize each other but I suppose no one would take the other seriously because they'd think the other person was being hypocritical.


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

@periwinklepromise , you are right, compatibility wasn't the best word to describe that.

And from what I think, 3w4/7w6 and 3w2/7w8s make lovely pairs  . They can teach each other and a lot and be good to one another.


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## Mad Scientist (Jul 31, 2016)

5s are a little less driven then I would like in a romantic relationship. I think I would look for balanced driven types like a 55 percent 3/4 and 45 percent other one or same proportion with a 7w6, 6w7. I overall would prefer a 7w6. 
I also believe in integration/disentagration attraction (not necessarily good combos)
1-4,7
2-8,4
3-9,6
4-2,1
5-7,8
6-3,9
7-1, 5
8- 2, 5
9- 3,6


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## No_this_is_patrick (Jun 27, 2016)

inabox said:


> @periwinklepromise , you are right, compatibility wasn't the best word to describe that.
> 
> And from what I think, 3w4/7w6 and 3w2/7w8s make lovely pairs  . They can teach each other and a lot and be good to one another.


My fiancee is a 3w2 and I am a 7w6. I don't know how I would do with a 3w4 to be honest, though like threes in general. I do think 3w2 and 7w8 is a good pair as well.


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Hm, my long-time best friend's a 4w5 and obviously we get along really well; we are 'kindred spirits'. And yeah I've learned a lot from her and vice versa. I don't think I'd want to date a 4w5 though; I think I don't think any of the withdrawn triad would be a good bet. 

Ideally, romantically, I think I'd go for another 2 tbh. Whole bunch of issues solved just by virtue of being the same Enneagram type. I'm always happy when I see a 2ish glimmer in a guy's eye

If I was told I had to suddenly get married and move to some homestead somewhere I might choose an 8 though. 8w9 ideally. I can envision myself in a long reasonably happy marriage with an 8 but really only in this political marriage scenario

If I had to choose like a business partner or something, I would...hm, really I'd want my 4 friend; idk if another 4w5 would do the trick but it is a fairly productive combination

Otherwise maybe a 1w2, I think wing connections are useful

But if I could go back to the time of my birth and have a twin I would want that twin to be @Amaranthine because I assume that as 2s/3s allowed to conspire together from a young age we would have managed to conquer the world basically


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

Mad Scientist said:


> I also believe in integration/disentagration attraction (not necessarily good combos)


Could you expand more on this? My immediate reaction is hell no, but maybe that's just me? Because



> 8- 2, 5


does not work for me. At all. 

I know lots of 8s on this forum who can barely stand to be around irl-2s, because of the Pride and the Flattery and the ...Smothering. Some 8s argue 3s (in general) are more dishonest, but it's type 2 for me. 
Several "8s opinions on 5s" threads have shown _those_ feelings to be more mixed, sometimes enjoying their 5ness and sometimes aggressively eye-rolling/pulling-hair-out about it.

But let's not forget OP doesn't mean just romantic relationships. I, at least, am pretty okay with lots of 5s (esp if they also use Ne), and can get along with them very well. Lots of growth possible there, or at least good fun. 

But 2s make me want to punch something. Them, if possible. (disclaimer - i quite like several 2s on this forum, and find them interesting and awesome, but *in real life*, every 2 i've ever met needed to get the hell away from me before i gutted them) I don' t like 2s pretty explicitly because they're 2s. Furthermore, most 2s don't like me pretty explicitly because I'm an 8. Only _they_ feel the need (why?!) to "win me over", which just makes things worse.

Right now, I'm most interested in learning from 4s and 6s, for what that's worth. That's the compatibility I'm interested in, currently.


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## Mad Scientist (Jul 31, 2016)

periwinklepromise said:


> Could you expand more on this? My immediate reaction is hell no, but maybe that's just me? Because
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Usually knowledge in the enneagram destroys these... I just think these personalities relate, because there is crossover between, they usually dont end up being very good though. I think I have attractions to 4s, but usually have a hard time developing a relationship.


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## inabox (Oct 3, 2015)

That reminds me, @periwinklepromise, a friend of mine is 7w8 so/sx ESTP, lovely person overall but usually I have trouble getting along with 7w8s. I really like ESTP 6s though and if you haven't met one yet I hope you do. It's not that they don't do things I don't like but generally much more people oriented and pleasant.


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## periwinklepromise (Jan 26, 2015)

inabox said:


> That reminds me, a friend of mine is 7w8 so/sx ESTP, lovely person overall but usually I have trouble getting along with 7w8s. I really like ESTP 6s though and if you haven't met one yet I hope you do. It's not that they don't do things I don't like but generally much more people oriented and pleasant.


I don't know many ESTPs of any Enneatype, but I _love_ the xSTP vibe. Something makes me think that a 7w8 ESTP, even social-first, would be too high-powered for me. Don't get me wrong, I love interpersonal intensity and need it to survive, but I also need people to *chill*. 

One problem I run into - when discussing my opinions on types - is that I actually haven't typed many people in my life. I haven't applied much of my knowledge (yet?), so if someone asks how I deal with 6s, I only have two real examples to work off of, for example.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Phoenix Virtue said:


> But if I could go back to the time of my birth and have a twin I would want that twin to be @Amaranthine because I assume that as 2s/3s allowed to conspire together from a young age we would have managed to conquer the world basically











I'd love to be your twin too, and I agree, we would make a great team :fox:



Generally...I also agree with you, I used to assume 2 image types would be weird, especially 2's, but in fact you are my very best friend here, my 2 grandma was my favorite family member growing up, I could understand her in ways others couldn't, and I think a 2 guy would work perfectly.
Preferrably 2w1 and not something like so/sx though 
I also think that generally same core types but different wings could be good.

I'm usually friends with 9's and 6's, it feels like it works well but in the end it _always_ turns into some form of misunderstanding, not situational misunderstanding, fundimental kind.

I could see 3w4 being a good choice when it comes to business partners and such, maybe a 7.
A 3 in a relationship...I don't know, it's a cool idea to me but I don't think it'd work, they worry and work too much.


Romantically I'm probably romanticizing 5's with 4 wing, never met one irl though.

For political marriage I'd go for 8w7)



It really depends, but who I definitely can't see myself with romantically:
1w9 and 9w1
3(especially w2)
6
7


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