# How do you handle rejection from the opposite sex?



## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

How do you react to romantic rejection?
How do you treat the other person after you have been rejected?
How have you noticed the other person acts after they reject you?

I am wondering if there is a difference between how men respond and how woman respond.


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

Hurting said:


> How do you react to romantic rejection?
> How do you treat the other person after you have been rejected?
> How have you noticed the other person acts after they reject you?
> 
> I am wondering if there is a difference between how men respond and how woman respond.


The same way I treat everything else that depresses me, which is isolating myself from people for a little while.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

It's hard to answer this because I'm not clear on which type of rejection you are talking about. I'm going to assume that we are speaking about rejection at the very beginning of a potential relationship (i.e. you show interest and they do not). In these cases I just shrug and go on about my business. I don't take it personal or get upset. People know or at least think they know what they want and if they decide I don't fit their profile then I'm OK with that and happy that they are able to make a clear decision. 

I am also the same way. In an initial dating situation, once I realize the person is not my type I'm very honest about it. There are so many people in the world that you just can't get hung up on any one person. If it's not right - it isn't.

Of course my reaction would be somewhat different if we are talking about being rejected by someone that I already care for, trust, or otherwise have invested in a relationship with.


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## Yin Praxis (Jan 16, 2010)

I tend to find it painful and emotionally distressing. I usually follow rejection with withdrawal and a great deal of introspective analysis. My behavior around those who reject me becomes very distant, perhaps even shy, as I feel my presence is unwanted. I cannot accurately say how they act, because the amount I pay attention suddenly declines and my judgement is too compromised to be trusted.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

OK, now I am going to throw in a twist. What is you had to work around this person on a daily bases? I am wondering if that is what happening with a man I work with. I rejected him and now he is very different toward me. I love him dearly but only as a father figure and he wanted more.


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## Yin Praxis (Jan 16, 2010)

Hurting said:


> OK, now I am going to throw in a twist. What is you had to work around this person on a daily bases? I am wondering if that is what happening with a man I work with. I rejected him and now he is very different toward me. I love him dearly but only as a father figure and he wanted more.


I'd still withdraw as much as I could. To the extent that I'd have to work with this person, I'd be polite but practical and brief.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Well how long ago was this rejection? If it was recent, he probably just feels awkward and needs time to deal with his feelings. How much did he put himself out there to you?


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## Decon (Dec 9, 2008)

Hurting said:


> How do you react to romantic rejection?
> How do you treat the other person after you have been rejected?


1. I follow the motto from a jay z song title "On to the next one"

2. Nice when I have to be with the person. Otherwise, I just avoid the person.


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Singularity said:


> Well how long ago was this rejection? If it was recent, he probably just feels awkward and needs time to deal with his feelings. How much did he put himself out there to you?


This had been about two years ago and he has since started to treat me better but still will insult me at every possible chance.



Yin Praxis said:


> I'd still withdraw as much as I could. To the extent that I'd have to work with this person, I'd be polite but practical and brief.


What if the person really did love you but just not in a romantic way? I really do love this guy but not in a romantic way.


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## Stoic (Aug 7, 2009)

I can only theorize, because I have never put myself in a position to be rejected. I don't think I could look the other person in the eyes ever again, being as they now know how I feel about them and they know I know it is unrequited. I can imagine feeling crushed being around them... If I ever become bold, make a move, and get shot down, I will be back to this thread and tell you if I am right...


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## Blue Butterfly (Sep 19, 2009)

Stoic said:


> I can only theorize, because I have never put myself in a position to be rejected. I don't think I could look the other person in the eyes ever again, being as they now know how I feel about them and they know I know it is unrequited. I can imagine feeling crushed being around them... If I ever become bold, make a move, and get shot down, I will be back to this thread and tell you if I am right...



You will get there in time. It happens to us all. I have been rejected too in the past and it hurts deeply.


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## Singularity (Sep 22, 2009)

Hurting said:


> This had been about two years ago and he has since started to treat me better but still will insult me at every possible chance.
> 
> 
> 
> What if the person really did love you but just not in a romantic way? I really do love this guy but not in a romantic way.


In my opinion, based solely on what you have explained here, it seems this person is emotionally immature and probably not something you should concern yourself with too much. 

I have tried to be good friends with people that behaved poorly and it brought me nothing but sadness because they were unable to reciprocate in a healthy way. Even though I knew that their behaviour stemmed from issues they had, it wasn't right for me to tolerate their behaviour. 

Just because you can feel compassion and love for another person doesn't mean you have to be friends with them or allow them into your life. Some people are just in a state where they do more harm than good to others. Your first responsibility is to yourself.


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## Bluebird (Nov 29, 2009)

Hurting said:


> How do you react to romantic rejection?
> How do you treat the other person after you have been rejected?
> How have you noticed the other person acts after they reject you?
> 
> I am wondering if there is a difference between how men respond and how woman respond.


I wouldn't withdraw as much......I would just pretend everything is normal, though this means I will be more ''up in the clouds' than usual, as if I am day dreaming, and I wouldn't be as responsive when people talk to me...........I would cry too, but not immediately, maybe be like a week or so later?

and.. they wouldn't look me in the eyes... as if they can eat them alive or something....
The other person pretended he didn't know me, and same goes for me...... I just shut them out of my life.
Not that I don't value his friendship, but I wouldn't want to burst into tears or become irrational when I am around that person...


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## NotSoRighteousRob (Jan 1, 2010)

Like any female would ever reject me, I mean come on I am the definition of epicness. I'm so epic I can even create words.

No really though I don't care about rejection, it's been a while since I've bothered asking a girl out but I don't feel it's anything to really sweat about.


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## Yin Praxis (Jan 16, 2010)

Hurting said:


> What if the person really did love you but just not in a romantic way? I really do love this guy but not in a romantic way.


It's hard to be sure. When I am rejected it makes me re-evaluate my standing in the other person's eyes completely. The task of finding out how much the person still likes me and cares about me is impeded by the compulsion I have to withdraw after that point.

Of course, it depends on the extent of the relationship at the time, too. If I were a friend to this person for years, and then approached, and was then rejected, I might be able to confront the issue and say "so, can we continue to be friends?", and things might return to normal. But even in that situation (though I have not experienced it) I think it would color the relationship from then on because of the imbalanced dynamic. Because I know that I think the other person amounts to something that they don't think I amount to.


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## Assymptotic (Jan 6, 2010)

Usually I don't get too hung up on the girl and sort of shrug it off, but I do try and figure out how to improve my odds next time around. I try to solve my general problems internally, such as figuring out how to present myself in a more confident/assertive manner without being cocky. I may ask some friends for specific pointers, but I take what they say with a grain of salt; what worked for them may not work for me for various reasons, such as the fact that we may have different tastes in women (and as such, a certain approach that may work for one girl may not work for another). For the most part though, I don't tell many people about the incident.


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## Isitso (Dec 3, 2009)

I have never been rejected because I never approach. I have rejected a few guys and they distanced themselves away from me faster than the speed of light but would occasionally give awkward glances in my direction. I suppose if I was rejected I would isolate myself from them and hope that they don't tell anyone about it. However, if they approach me at all they will be met with a very cold, spiteful shoulder.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I am always the "reactor" as opposed to "actor". In other words, I never initiate a relationship. I suppose this has kept me in a pretty safe bubble. 

However, I have a hard time "dejecting" for exactly the reason you mentioned above. I don't like having problems with co-workers and friends. I can't stand seeing guy friends become awkward or even angry. Even strangers can become angry when you reject them to their face. Honestly, I used passive measures to "back away" most of my dating life. I am just barely learning to do it differently.

Usually if a guy friend mentions wanting to date me and I don't want to date him, I will usually resort to jokes and lighten the humor. Then begins the balancing act while I secretly try to slap him back into "Friend Zone".

If it's someone I've just met, or we just went out on 1 date and THEN decided it wasn't there for me, I still just "backed away" and stop taking phone calls. Yep, I know this is bad. My guy friends tell me this all the time. I need to be "more direct". It is DOING THEM A FAVOR. So just keep reminding yourself that you did your male co-worker a favor. He CAN move on because now he knows he has to.

Oh, and I am much more direct now when someone approaches me for a relationship and I am "not interested". But it really hasn't been fun. Be lucky your co-worker just "backs away" and is acting a little odd. Right now I'm being harassed by someone I rejected. I never led this person on in any way and was very firm from the beginning. But they just won't let go and it's becoming a little nightmarish. Wondering at what point I need to call in authorities. :angry:


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## Jack Rabid (Aug 6, 2009)

Hurting said:


> OK, now I am going to throw in a twist. What is you had to work around this person on a daily bases? I am wondering if that is what happening with a man I work with. I rejected him and now he is very different toward me. I love him dearly but only as a father figure and he wanted more.


There is nothing quite like opening up a vulnerable place only to have it turned away..
I am not surprised he is different around you..
I am sure his self esteem took a beating..as well, I am sure he feels embarrassed .. add this to the hurt feelings that accompany his disappointment at his romantic hopes being crushed .. and I feel genuine sympathy for the guy.
not to mention how awkward it must feel for you..

Tough place to be :sad:


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## murderegina (Jan 7, 2010)

Avoid it, totally and completely. If I liked someone, I don't think I would ever tell them, unless of course I knew there was no chance of rejection. However, if it DID happen...I would show my disappointment, but not go over board...afterall gotta play it cool. right?


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