# Do you think it's okay to flirt?



## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

I don't think it's okay to flirt with someone other than your partner. 
I think it's disrespectful and if you feel the need to do it why are you with your partner? 
I'm very faithful though. If I'm with someone I respect them and only have eyes for them. The idea of flirting with someone else does not even enter my head. I think flirting can be just as hurtful as cheating. In my book it pretty much is the same as cheating because you are looking as another person in _that way._
I have been accused of being a prude before because of my views but it's been done to me and it really knocks your self-esteem when you're on the receiving end. Why do that to your partner? It makes someone feel really insecure and unattractive.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I agree that it is completely wrong and hurtful to look lustfully at someone other than your partner. When I was talking about flirting in a positive way, I mostly meant the funny kind, with cheesy innuendos that make everyone laugh instead of being taken as a sincere display of interest, like when one of the forum member says something that could be taken either as something innocent, or in a perverted way, and I respond to it with a joke that reveals and emphasizes the perverted interpretation. That's how the ESFP used to flirt, and it didn't bother me. If I thought he actually had lustful feelings for someone else, it would have been hurtful and unacceptable. I don't even tolerate a partner's use of pornography, let alone actually checking out other girls in real life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Flirting is bad for me becuase whenever a girl (or girls) are/is flirting with me, they're just trying to manipulate me to get another guy to be jealous of me so that he goes for them, or so that I'll do something for them (usually humiliating), or so that I'll get away from them. I've learned to not trust people and if anyone even moderately attractive has interest in me, it's a lie and I should hurt them, make them suffer before anyone else gets the idea to pull anything on me.


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

I'm wondering if this is an Fi/Fe split. Can those with Fi more clearly see the difference and make a designation between casual flirting and implication of serious intent? >.> Or are we too oblivious to how we portray ourselves to perceive that the difference isn't as obvious to anyone else?


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> Flirting is bad for me becuase whenever a girl (or girls) are/is flirting with me, they're just trying to manipulate me to get another guy to be jealous of me so that he goes for them, or so that I'll do something for them (usually humiliating), or so that I'll get away from them. I've learned to not trust people and if anyone even moderately attractive has interest in me, it's a lie and I should hurt them, make them suffer before anyone else gets the idea to pull anything on me.


I'm sure that not every single girl who flirts with you isn't interested in you. I understand why you think the way you do, I would be the same, but one day a girl will come along who really likes you and you will think she's after something liek the other girls.


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## Kokos (Dec 28, 2008)

mortabunt said:


> I've learned to not trust people and if anyone even moderately attractive has interest in me, it's a lie and I should hurt them, make them suffer before anyone else gets the idea to pull anything on me.


Duude you are so screwed; it's you who is hurting yourself alone. I don't want to sound complacent by saying you that, it's just my 2 cents; but you don't trust others because you aren't trusting yourself and your ability to be worth the interest of someone. Reverse that way of thinking before it's too late, i'm damn serious.

sorry if it's a bit offtopic


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I guess it could be our Fi. Something about the FP combination. The ENFPs, INFPs, ESFPs, and ISFPs that I have known were the best at getting away with the inoffensive, non-hurtful, humorous kind of flirtation. It might just be a fun way to publicly expose our FPnesses without any negative consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

snail said:


> I guess it could be our Fi. Something about the FP combination. The ENFPs, INFPs, ESFPs, and ISFPs that I have known were the best at getting away with the inoffensive, non-hurtful, humorous kind of flirtation. It might just be a fun way to publicly expose our FPnesses without any negative consequences.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could be. >.> If you ever get a chance (and like romance novels hehe) - take a look at Slightly Dangerous by Mary Balogh - it's the last book in a series, but really, when does reading in order really matter with romance novels. As an ENFP, I really relate to the main character - she's friendly and open and just adores people....and gets accused of flirting for it. 

There are some times when just being my happy, cheerful self is seen as flirtation, without any intention on my part. I've had it happen a few times where I didn't realize I was giving off signals, and when I got a reaction, I had to backpedal hard and turn on the chill to give them the correct impression. 

"Flirt" is such an ambiguous term...with so many shades of meaning colored by our own perceptions, expectations, and experiences.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I was in a high school psychology class where the topic of flirtation came up, and most of the boys in the class were shocked to find that when girls smiled at them, it didn't necessarily mean we were sexually interested in them. They were like... Okay, then why do you do it? ....uh, maybe because we're in a good mood and feel like being friendly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> Flirting is bad for me becuase whenever a girl (or girls) are/is flirting with me, they're just trying to manipulate me to get another guy to be jealous of me so that he goes for them, or so that I'll do something for them (usually humiliating), or so that I'll get away from them. I've learned to not trust people and if anyone even moderately attractive has interest in me, it's a lie and I should hurt them, make them suffer before anyone else gets the idea to pull anything on me.


I've had similar experiences-- but a different outlook. There's part of me that's wary, reminding me of the past, but at the same time I want to accept it. I'm a stubborn little cookie o.o I'll keep plowing forht until I hit the jackpot.



snail said:


> I agree that it is completely wrong and hurtful to look lustfully at someone other than your partner. When I was talking about flirting in a positive way, I mostly meant the funny kind, with cheesy innuendos that make everyone laugh instead of being taken as a sincere display of interest, like when one of the forum member says something that could be taken either as something innocent, or in a perverted way, and I respond to it with a joke that reveals and emphasizes the perverted interpretation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Precisely. I wouldnt' go around flirting if I was with anyone, and it'd be hurtful tif I caught them flirting with someone else-- or they were doing it right in front of my face. A joke here or there is fine-- but nothing more.


snail said:


> I was in a high school psychology class where the topic of flirtation came up, and most of the boys in the class were shocked to find that when girls smiled at them, it didn't necessarily mean we were sexually interested in them. They were like... Okay, then why do you do it? ....uh, maybe because we're in a good mood and feel like being friendly?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


XD; No wonder. lol


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## ClubbedWithSpades (Mar 7, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> I don't think it's okay to flirt with someone other than your partner.
> I think it's disrespectful and if you feel the need to do it why are you with your partner?
> I'm very faithful though. If I'm with someone I respect them and only have eyes for them. The idea of flirting with someone else does not even enter my head. I think flirting can be just as hurtful as cheating. In my book it pretty much is the same as cheating because you are looking as another person in _that way._
> I have been accused of being a prude before because of my views but it's been done to me and it really knocks your self-esteem when you're on the receiving end. Why do that to your partner? It makes someone feel really insecure and unattractive.


As a liberal to whom romantic love is not top priority, *somehow* I completely agree with you. I don't feel comfortable acting in a way that my partner wouldn't appreciate if he was present. And honestly, when I'm with someone, I don't even feel the desire to flirt.

I think if you're with someone, they should have a say in how you interact with your preferred sex. Part of being in a relationship is not sharing romance with other people, and everyone expects this to a different degree. Some people will allow their partners to go as far as to sleep with other people, while others won't let their partners even speak to members of their preferred sex. In my own relationship, I draw the line at my partner flirting with other girls, and I know he has the same standard for me. [However, he has said he wouldn't mind seeing me kiss a chick as long as he was present, lol.]

Of course, this is only my relationship, and my own definition of flirting. I don't flirt with people I'm not interested in, and I would never call it meaningless. But some people have different views and different expectations, and that's fine.

[you swingerssss.]


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> I don't think it's okay to flirt with someone other than your partner.
> I think it's disrespectful and if you feel the need to do it why are you with your partner?
> I'm very faithful though. If I'm with someone I respect them and only have eyes for them. The idea of flirting with someone else does not even enter my head. I think flirting can be just as hurtful as cheating. In my book it pretty much is the same as cheating because you are looking as another person in _that way._
> I have been accused of being a prude before because of my views but it's been done to me and it really knocks your self-esteem when you're on the receiving end. Why do that to your partner? It makes someone feel really insecure and unattractive.


I completely and utterly agree. What is flirting but showing more than casual interest in a person and trying to get them to notice you? If you want notice like that then you are not completely loyal to the relationship and something needs to be done in yourself, like realizing you need to talk to your partner to realize they aren't showing you enough attention and you're drifting.

It's just a way to show attention and show that you want it back and if you're in a relationship it shouldn't be done.


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

Superficial and small scale flirting while in a relationship don't bother me at all. It's easy to flirt with the opposite sex, and can make your day a bit better!


On a deeper level heavy flirting while someone is in a relationship is not good, it shows you are bored with your partner (may be a good wake-up call though).


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

HollyGolightly said:


> I'm sure that not every single girl who flirts with you isn't interested in you. I understand why you think the way you do, I would be the same, but one day a girl will come along who really likes you and you will think she's after something liek the other girls.


That's why I'm always armed and why I'm watchign everyone with a paranoid intensity. I'm desperately lonely. HUmanity has left me to die and they're laughing at my pain.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I hope you find love, but ironically, needing it is often the very thing that pushes it away. It's one of those implosive situations like when you're crying because the person you care about is being insulting and doesn't respect you, and the reason the person doesn't respect you is that you are crying, so he belittles you further, which makes you feel more disrespected, which makes you cry more, which makes the other person respect you even less until he or she flies into a murderous rage to balance your suicidal loneliness. ...or something like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

Oi. o.o
Scary Dx


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

snail said:


> I hope you find love, but ironically, needing it is often the very thing that pushes it away. It's one of those implosive situations like when you're crying because the person you care about is being insulting and doesn't respect you, and the reason the person doesn't respect you is that you are crying, so he belittles you further, which makes you feel more disrespected, which makes you cry more, which makes the other person respect you even less until he or she flies into a murderous rage to balance your suicidal loneliness. ...or something like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 
-hug- Just means that person needs to find someone who's less of an ass.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Yeah, but I was just using that as an example of a self-perpetuating negative cycle that will destroy a person. In mortabunt's case, it's partly the bitterness that causes the rejection, which makes the bitterness and resentment increase, which makes the rejection more likely to occur again, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

...just ask Shadow. He can empathize with this kind of situation perfectly. The fear and anger will cause you to miss opportunities that could have ended in your favor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

O.O 

There are good people out there. I may live in a delusional world where I naively believe in the inherent goodness of humanity....and it will probably cause me to get hurt time and time again, as it already has. But I can't accept that everyone is bad no matter how many times people prove their worst to me. ^_^ I don't want to be the reason for another positive, gentle person to become jaded and cynical.


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