# Beautiful woman alone at the bar...



## KrystRay

Whenever I go out either by myself or with some of my friends, guys never hit on me. I mean, they'll stare at me and the stupid Alpha males will punch each other and grunt to get my attention, but normal guys never talk to me! 

So I was talking to some of my friends last night and one of the guy's friends commented that he would never approach a girl like me. A friend of his agreed. This morning I asked another guy friend- a good looking doctor, and he said that he wouldn't either. These are all really good looking, successful guys! 

My question is, WHY??? Honestly, rejection is a part of life, but certainly nothing to fear! What's the worst that someone can say to you? No? If you get rejected, who cares? There are like six billion people in the world. Not all of them are going to be into you and THAT'S OK! 

Every person has their ideal "type" of girl/guy that they want, but why not go for what you want? Why is it that guys settle for the girl who didn't dress up to go out rather than those of us who put effort into looking good? We are people too! 

But back to ideals. If you like model type, 5'11 size 0 women, why not approach them? If you like girls with huge boobs and pretty faces, why not approach them? Does beauty really intimidate people to that extent? Does it not hurt your pride as much if an average girl rejects you? I don't understand it!


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## TreeRobert

1) 90% of men have zero game. 
2) Approach and social rejection seem like the end of the world to them because they don't know how to objectively view the situation.


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## OctoberSkye

Why should they have to approach you? Surely, you do realize your entire post can be flipped on you...

I'm not saying this is how it is, but it seems like *you're* the one feeling rejected because guys aren't giving you the attention you want. *Your* pride is hurt.

I don't think men would have quite the fear of rejection if women handled the situation better. Many women, used to being the one pursued, don't appreciate the courage it takes, and they don't give respect to those who are deemed "not up to their standards".

Perhaps your problem is that you automatically assume that it is your beauty that works against you.


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## skycloud86

I suggest approaching the men you find attractive yourself. At least that way you can weed out the ones you certainly don't find attractive.


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## KrystRay

I'm very traditional, so I don't think it's ladylike for me to approach men. I would love a man who has similiar values.


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## KrystRay

And I'm in South Florida. Most guys think that women who approach them automatically want sex for some reason. They seem to not be as aggressive when they approach me.


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## amanda32

KrystRay said:


> And I'm in South Florida. Most guys think that women who approach them automatically want sex for some reason. They seem to not be as aggressive when they approach me.


You don't have to "approach" them, just look up when you feel them looking in your direction and smile. A *friendly* smile once, is often enough to give them the courage to come over. If not once, twice.

I've met a lot of guys at bars. The trick is just to talk to them like people, not flirt and then they won't treat you like they just want you for sex. Never mention sex, or their looks or yours. 

Another option is to be friendly with a woman you find interesting and the guys are more likely to approach two woman than they are one because it's less obvious to everyone what's going on. Everyone notices the beautiful girl sitting by herself at the bar. Everyone is watching so there is a lot of pressure on the guy.

Congratulations on being so attractive that men are intimidated to approach you. That must be nice. I don't think you're going to garner a lot of sympathy from women:wink:

If you are seeing "unattractive" or "drab" women being hit on, it's perhaps because they are being *friendly.*


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## myjazz

I just want to know which bar's have beautiful women at them all alone? Must be a rare occasion or something.

Okay now that is out of the way. I agree with Amanda32 a nice friendly women is much more appealing than a women who is stuck on her looks. Also seriously are you looking for a "normal" guys at a bar?
And what OctoberSkye said....


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## Mutatio NOmenis

OctoberSkye said:


> Why should they have to approach you? Surely, you do realize your entire post can be flipped on you...
> 
> I'm not saying this is how it is, but it seems like *you're* the one feeling rejected because guys aren't giving you the attention you want. *Your* pride is hurt.
> 
> I don't think men would have quite the fear of rejection if women handled the situation better. Many women, used to being the one pursued, don't appreciate the courage it takes, and they don't give respect to those who are deemed "not up to their standards".
> 
> Perhaps your problem is that you automatically assume that it is your beauty that works against you.


I'm going to be a bit of a prick here: maybe it's because you have a reputation for being a bitch? Public image is vital to getting a date, and word spreads quickly about girls, so chances are that you have a rather unfavorable public image which is all that most people know. Also, what are you height and bra sizes? Maybe it's because your stature intimidates people.

P.S.: I agree with an above poster. You expect men to be able to put their pride and self worth on the line just for the slim chance that you won't blow them off completely and to them, there is a very distinct possibility that they aren't even good enough to be considered at all. Be more considerate of the sort of shit we have to subject ourselves to just to find out if some random girl even thinks that we're dating material.


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## pinkrasputin

KrystRay said:


> Whenever I go out either by myself or with some of my friends, guys never hit on me. I mean, they'll stare at me and the stupid Alpha males will punch each other and grunt to get my attention, but normal guys never talk to me!
> 
> So I was talking to some of my friends last night and one of the guy's friends commented that he would never approach a girl like me. A friend of his agreed. This morning I asked another guy friend- a good looking doctor, and he said that he wouldn't either. These are all really good looking, successful guys!
> 
> My question is, WHY??? Honestly, rejection is a part of life, but certainly nothing to fear! What's the worst that someone can say to you? No? If you get rejected, who cares? There are like six billion people in the world. Not all of them are going to be into you and THAT'S OK!
> 
> Every person has their ideal "type" of girl/guy that they want, but why not go for what you want? Why is it that guys settle for the girl who didn't dress up to go out rather than those of us who put effort into looking good? We are people too!
> 
> But back to ideals. If you like model type, 5'11 size 0 women, why not approach them? If you like girls with huge boobs and pretty faces, why not approach them? Does beauty really intimidate people to that extent? Does it not hurt your pride as much if an average girl rejects you? I don't understand it!


If a guy approaches me at a bar, that is automatic rejection right there. I go to bars to meet with my friends and have fun. I do not go out to bars to meet drunk strangers hoping to get down my pants. Plus I feel invaded as I am trying to have a good time with my friends. I know my girlfriends are like that too. 

The most I'll do is dance with someone. But it's annoying when they try to get my number afterwards.


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## Mutatio NOmenis

^ So it's people like you who I click with then blow me off.


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## InvisibleJim

One is happy to approach for the chit chat, I think most men do place this whole rejection thing upon it; weighing up the cost of rejection will cause one to view most situations as too risky to engage in as the risk will often outway reward (most men have a very marginal view of themselves).


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## pinkrasputin

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> ^ So it's people like you who I click with then blow me off.


Awww.. Mutatio, when did I blow off? I'm sorry I'm such an extroverted bitch! I will write to you.

And did you approach me at a bar once?


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## sofort99

KrystRay said:


> Whenever I go out either by myself or with some of my friends, guys never hit on me. I mean, they'll stare at me and the stupid Alpha males will punch each other and grunt to get my attention, but normal guys never talk to me!
> 
> So I was talking to some of my friends last night and one of the guy's friends commented that he would never approach a girl like me. A friend of his agreed. This morning I asked another guy friend- a good looking doctor, and he said that he wouldn't either. These are all really good looking, successful guys!
> 
> My question is, WHY??? Honestly, rejection is a part of life, but certainly nothing to fear! What's the worst that someone can say to you? No? If you get rejected, who cares? There are like six billion people in the world. Not all of them are going to be into you and THAT'S OK!
> 
> Every person has their ideal "type" of girl/guy that they want, but why not go for what you want? Why is it that guys settle for the girl who didn't dress up to go out rather than those of us who put effort into looking good? We are people too!
> 
> But back to ideals. If you like model type, 5'11 size 0 women, why not approach them? If you like girls with huge boobs and pretty faces, why not approach them? Does beauty really intimidate people to that extent? Does it not hurt your pride as much if an average girl rejects you? I don't understand it!


It's a sad fact.

Happens in strip clubs too. The prettiest strippers never make as much as the middle of the pack girls.

Most men don't rank women on a scale of one to ten. It's more of a binary "would you do her yes/no?"

Then in a place like a bar, most men would probably weed out the top 10% as low yield vs the effort and skip you all together.


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## sofort99

pinkrasputin said:


> If a guy approaches me at a bar, that is automatic rejection right there. I go to bars to meet with my friends and have fun. I do not go out to bars to meet drunk strangers hoping to get down my pants. Plus I feel invaded as I am trying to have a good time with my friends. I know my girlfriends are like that too.
> 
> The most I'll do is dance with someone. But it's annoying when they try to get my number afterwards.


When I was younger, I only went after women like this... :laughing::laughing::laughing:


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## SlowPoke68

First, bars suck. Of course most women are going to be defensive in bars. People go to bars by themselves because they are either drunks or desperate for something or have no where else to go. Not really the top of the dating pool, there.

When I see a beautiful woman sitting by herself in a bar it's like seeing a new Mercedes convertible sitting beside the road with the door open and the keys in the ignition: I assume that either it belongs to someone else who will be along in a second, or there is some serious catch involved.

However . . .

Sometimes I'll walk up to her and from a small distance say fairly loudly "Hey, has anyone come on to you yet here? Can I be the first? You look great! Let's dance like it's junior prom! I know there's no music. I'll hum. You like Led Zep?"

This approach sometimes works, but more importantly it lets both of us know who we are dealing with immediately. The stuck-up whiny coke whore bitches tend to be kind of put off by this. Any woman who responds in a fluid, witty and warm way is probably worth getting to know a bit.


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## kiwigrl

> Congratulations on being so attractive that men are intimidated to approach you. That must be nice. I don't think you're going to garner a lot of sympathy from women:wink:


She has a little sympathy from me. 

I don't want to sound up myself, but I can relate to this a bit. I used to wonder what was wrong with me when that kind of thing happened. I dressed impeccable, looked after my hair, makeup and figure. 
I learnt that your body language can appear really unapproachable without you even realising that you are doing it. The big thing is to look approachable and friendly, smile. For me, I was a little shy, but I later learnt that some people perceived it as snobbishness. Occasionally though, a really confident one would approach me and we'd start laughing about something and that's all good. But just let me say, that there are so many guys that frequent bars just for one night stands, so you have to be mindful of that.



> If you are seeing "unattractive" or "drab" women being hit on, it's perhaps because they are being *friendly.*


*
I think sometimes the guys have lowish self esteem and perhaps think that the girl they really like would never go for them, so they perhaps aim lower. That, or maybe the not so lovely looking girl has a super personality that makes her irresistable despite her lack of beauty?*


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## sofort99

SlowPoke68 said:


> When I see a beautiful woman sitting by herself in a bar it's like seeing a new Mercedes convertible sitting beside the road with the door open and the keys in the ignition: I assume that either it belongs to someone else who will be along in a second, or there is some serious catch involved.


When I was younger and did this stuff, I only went after these.

There is no competition, and they usually have not already been hit on so much that night they have become unapproachable.

It just takes a little more sophistication, and a little longer than a one night stand mindset.

What pinkrasputin wrote above reminded me of what an old door to door salesman once told me.

"The best place to make a sale is a house with a "No Soliciting" sign on it. They put it up to keep you away, because they already know they can't resist."


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## kiwigrl

> First, bars suck. Of course most women are going to be defensive in bars. People go to bars by themselves because they are either drunks or desperate for something or have no where else to go. Not really the top of the dating pool, there.


Yeah, its a rare night if you meet your perfect match in a bar.



> When I see a beautiful woman sitting by herself in a bar it's like seeing a new Mercedes convertible sitting beside the road with the door open and the keys in the ignition: I assume that either it belongs to someone else who will be along in a second, or there is some serious catch involved.


I've heard this train of thought before. I suppose it makes sense.



> Sometimes I'll walk up to her and from a small distance say fairly loudly "Hey, has anyone come on to you yet here? Can I be the first? You look great! Let's dance like it's junior prom! I know there's no music. I'll hum. You like Led Zep?"


 I love it!!!!!
I once had a guy I met in a bar start singing to me! The fact that he was good looking and confident enough to make a fool of himself won me over.


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## Aßbiscuits

*It's intimidating approaching a beautiful girl (which you are, no **** even though I am ****) it's not the scary rejection part and the hurt, it's the fact you see a beautiful girl and you don't want to ruin your chance with her because how often will someone like her pop up?

You're saving her almost, it's hard to know what to do once you finally see a beautiful girl because you don't want to fuck it up, even if you believe in yourself and you can handle rejection and you're confident, you don't want to fuck it up after waiting so long. It's like the pressure you feel when you finally get that opportunity, but you fail or chicken out.

That's my experience. 

It's intimidating and not all men are cocky/obnoxious gits! They'd feel as if they're not good enough. Maybe someone might cop on and realise they have to take a chance but how many humans have that problem?

If I met my perfect girl without the guidance I had when I was younger, I wouldn't know what to do - so I wouldn't approach her at all.

You should approach them. Fuck gender roles. You fail more when you don't try. *


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## kiwigrl

sofort99 said:


> I met my wife in a bar, and I occasionally still go to strip clubs. Maybe once a year or so.
> 
> She just comes with me.



Eeewww, I am so glad that my husband isn't into stripclubs. That would be a point of arguments for me. Neither am I interested in them. Why would I need to anyway when I get the odd striptease at home from him.:wink:


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## sofort99

kiwigrl said:


> Why would I need to anyway when I get the odd striptease at home from him.:wink:


I can at least agree that if I did a strip tease, it would be odd.


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## kiwigrl

sofort99 said:


> I can at least agree that if I did a strip tease, it would be odd.


Oh it's funny to watch but I also get to look at his best assets while I laugh at his moves.


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## pinkrasputin

Runescribe said:


> Strategies change as one gets older or as contexts shift. People flirt and approach one another very differently in mid-life when children have already been raised and resources are not the same kind of question. For the most part however these are not conscious strategies. They are mostly subconscious motivators which we have inherited from generations of humans before us who were successful at getting their groove on with a compatible mate.


This is true. I remember in my 20s I was looking for a husband and the father of my child. Now, the criteria is for him to be hot and fuckable. My standard went way up.


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## skycloud86

pinkrasputin said:


> This is true. I remember in my 20s I was looking for a husband and the father of my child. Now, the criteria is for him to be nice and fuckable.


Nice and fuckable? No offence, but that just sounds weird, like you're objectifying yourself.


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## sofort99

skycloud86 said:


> Nice and fuckable? No offence, but that just sounds weird, like you're objectifying yourself.


Actually, I think she is objectifying the man... which most men could care less about.


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## pinkrasputin

skycloud86 said:


> Nice and fuckable? No offence, but that just sounds weird, like you're objectifying yourself.


Naw. It's about me now. I want someone who I'm attracted to. I don't see how that is objectifying myself. That 's what I want. It really does change things. I like being hot for a person. 

I hear many women are actually objectifying men by searching for a potential "husband" and a role fulfiller.


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## skycloud86

sofort99 said:


> Actually, I think she is objectifying the man... which most men could care less about.


Thanks, I misread her post. I disagree that most men would not care about being objectified. I would say most mature men who don't allow themselves to be totally brainwashed by societal standards and gender roles would care.


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## skycloud86

pinkrasputin said:


> Naw. It's about me now. I want someone who I'm attracted to. I don't see how that is objectifying myself. That 's what I want. It really does change things. I like being hot for a person.


Nothing wrong with that.



> I hear many women are actually objectifying men by searching for a potential "husband" and a role fulfiller.


I agree.


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## Oleas

KrystRay, you're really full of yourself. Probably giving men the impression you're an intimidating b*tch. No offense.

I've always found guys are much more attractive when they're very simple, and modest. Be yourself and don't go to bars thinking you're the hottest girl around. Too much confidence can be very ugly!


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## Staryu

KrystRay said:


> Whenever I go out either by myself or with some of my friends, guys never hit on me. I mean, they'll stare at me and the stupid Alpha males will punch each other and grunt to get my attention, but normal guys never talk to me!
> 
> *So I was talking to some of my friends last night and one of the guy's friends commented that he would never approach a girl like me*. A friend of his agreed. This morning I asked another guy friend- a good looking doctor, and he said that he wouldn't either. These are all really good looking, successful guys!
> 
> My question is, WHY??? Honestly, rejection is a part of life, but certainly nothing to fear! What's the worst that someone can say to you? No? If you get rejected, who cares? There are like six billion people in the world. Not all of them are going to be into you and THAT'S OK!
> 
> Every person has their ideal "type" of girl/guy that they want, but why not go for what you want? *Why is it that guys settle for the girl who didn't dress up to go out rather than those of us who put effort into looking good? We are people too! *
> 
> *But back to ideals. If you like model type, 5'11 size 0 women, why not approach them? If you like girls with huge boobs and pretty faces, why not approach them? Does beauty really intimidate people to that extent? Does it not hurt your pride as much if an average girl rejects you? I don't understand it!*


sorry to be judgmental but the bolded parts sound really snobby:sad:. snobby people made fun of me in school and university for being "weird" T_T. i hope ur not one of those >.<
don't give up though, it is possible that you may find the right person some day. different people like different things.


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## vel

sofort99 said:


> It's a sad fact.
> 
> Happens in strip clubs too. The prettiest strippers never make as much as the middle of the pack girls.
> 
> Most men don't rank women on a scale of one to ten. It's more of a binary "would you do her yes/no?"
> 
> Then in a place like a bar, most men would probably weed out the top 10% as low yield vs the effort and skip you all together.


yep and then one day one there will be a guy who will figure it out and use it to his advantage - he'll know that other guys in the room are like sheep, all thinking the same thing, and he will make his move

and this is how population IQ keeps slowly growing generation after generation :tongue:


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## KrystRay

I'm not just talking about bars. I mean, if I go to Barnes and Noble or to the grocery store, the library... Just about anywhere. The guys were saying that if they had seen me in a bar, that they wouldn't approach me. That's why I used that location. 

Yeah, I am a bit stuck up, but I am very kind to anyone who is respectful to me. And I do smile- I'm a happy person. 

I don't know. Just wanted some third party opinions on my theories.


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## vel

I agree with people who are saying you must be projecting wrong body language to guys somehow. People actually pick up a lot of information through just looking at each other. You may be kind, but if you move around in this defensive/aggressive way, that's not a good first mental impression guys will form about you.

As for sizing up accessibility - yeah according to the ladder theory this also rings true. See that portion of graph that is colored as "estimating chances she'll put out quickly"? A bit crude but it has merit - you are basically losing out on this portion of the graph compared to other girls by projecting the image of being difficult to attain.


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## Crystall

I have a friend who is absolutely stunning and she gets approached ALL. OF. THE. TIME. Not just at bars but everywhere, even in the street. Pretty sure she's an ESFP. She looks happy, confident and smiles a lot. 
I hardly ever get _approached _by guys, but they will usually hit on me if we do end up talking. I've heard guys say that they were intimidated by my cold body language. But meh. I already have a man, what do I care? :tongue:


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## wafflecake

Why must the onus of first contact be on the man? What happened to gender equality? 

Seriously, go after what you want. If you're as good looking as you think you are, then next time you're at a bar buy a guy a drink. Ask for _his_ number. We won't expect it, and it will probably work all the time. Maybe not so much for a relationship, but since it's attention you crave, that'll work.


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## Oleas

Have you ever considered that maybe those guys don't find you attractive? I mean, to each their own.. There are many guys that my friends find hot and that I think are really bad looking. It's all up to personal taste. But the way you act around guys in general definitely comes into play. I've seen your photos, and you seem very very confident, with you chest pushed forward and your shirts half unbuttoned.

And the way you formulate your "questions" makes you look like you're desperately fishing for compliments.


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## Nitou

KrystRay said:


> Every person has their ideal "type" of girl/guy that they want, but why not go for what you want? Why is it that guys settle for the girl who didn't dress up to go out rather than those of us who put effort into looking good? We are people too!


Pardon me, "_settle_?" Really? Do you think that women who are not so concerned about their clothes and make-up are of lower quality than yourself? I am offended.

Actually, not. 

Maybe your problem is your attitude.


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## Staryu

Nitou said:


> Pardon me, "_settle_?" Really? Do you think that women who are not so concerned about their clothes and make-up are of lower quality than yourself? I am offended.
> 
> Actually, not.
> 
> Maybe your problem is your attitude.


KrystRay, to each her own. Some people could care less about what image they present towards the world. 
Nitou, she didn't say that they were of lower quality...right?


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## Oleas

Staryu said:


> KrystRay, to each her own. Some people could care less about what image they present towards the world.
> Nitou, she didn't say that they were of lower quality...right?


The word "settle" implies so. But I mean, anyone would be inferior to KrystRay. She's so great and beautiful.


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## Aßbiscuits

Crystall said:


> I hate to sound mean, but I don't find you beautiful. You're chubby and you have a big nose.


What is this? I don't even...

Are you sure you're an ENFP?


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## Staryu

Cliodna said:


> What is this? I don't even...
> 
> Are you sure you're an ENFP?


It's not her type, any type can display improper behaviour. It is, however, a direct correlation to self-esteem and maturity levels. But anyways, that's just my "silly theory." I don't like theories that much. ^_^


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## Humaning

Staryu said:


> It's not her type, any type can display improper behaviour. It is, however, a direct correlation to self-esteem and maturity levels. But anyways, that's just my "silly theory." I don't like theories that much. ^_^


Maybe she was having a bad day, who knows. She hasn't replied to any other provocations so maybe she is embarrassed by her behavour. Everybody has off days; forgive, its a new day.


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## Aßbiscuits

I just think commenting on someone's appearance is the most petty and below the belt hit. 

I've never done it in my life and one of my biggest faults is being harsh with words.


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## Staryu

Whatevz, her opinion's her opinion, she doesn't think Kristie is attractive, fine. But I do. In essence, no opinion is better than another. Still, whatever was said, it was like Crystall meant to personally attack Krystie instead of giving suggestions. W/e, it's a moot point atm =_=
Opinions are like feet. We all have them. Now who was it that said this old adage..


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