# What's the best way to approach a girl in a nightclub?



## GROUNDED_ONE (May 23, 2012)

Can we call a stalemate yet? We can all agree on one thing, this little fraggle knows nothing about PUAs!


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Dark Romantic said:


> Whether or not you like the source of the info doesn't do anything to determine whether or not the information is valid.


Even if I was indifferent to PUAs, their information is not valid when it comes to relationships between men and women. Their information is designed simply to get women to sleep with men, even if the woman doesn't particularly want to. I don't like the US Republican Party, but I'm certainly not going to see their views on abortion or birth control as valid, because they come from a party that is deeply anti-woman.



> a) that you believe for whatever pseudo-feminist reason, that giving a man advice on how to meet women is an inherently negative thing to do


That is utterly ridiculous. Feminism is not opposed to people having relationships.



> b) that you've succeeded in meeting women under these circumstances with a much better alternative method, but simply don't want to share it


I don't go out and try to meet women, or men, simply for sex.



> c) that you believe that you know what women find attractive better than women themselves,


No, I quite clearly do not assume that I know more about what women find attractive than women themselves, but no one woman can claim to speak for all women, just like no one man can claim to speak for all men.



> or men who have had success with women (in which case, I would ask how you came to such a conclusion)


By success, do you mean built a real relationship, or do you mean getting to have sex with them and then forgetting them the next morning? If I'm attracted to a woman, I want to build a relationship with her first, actually get to know her. 



> or d) that you're trolling, trying to get a reaction, or just feeding your ego.


It's none of those things, but thanks for trying to discredit my opinions just because you don't like them.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

nottie said:


> Well, there's a reason PUAs use those techniques. They tend to work. It sounds like the advice came from experience with guys she knows, though, and the fact that it matches up with supposed PUA techniques doesn't make it untrue.




Do you not think that PUA is misogynistic and aimed only at getting sex?



> As for the misogyny, that's open to interpretation. The fact that she's a woman using mainly humorous phrasing would lead me to believe otherwise. The words have roots in misogyny, but that doesn't mean using them is.


You do have a point.


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## nottie (Mar 2, 2011)

skycloud86 said:


> Do you not think that PUA is misogynistic and aimed only at getting sex?


Yes, a lot of them are. But the fact that their methods overlap with non-misogynistic methods makes perfect sense. Using a tool in a selfish way doesn't make the tool bad. Of course the same tool can be used in less sexist ways.

Anyway, there are tons of threads that discuss gender and equality on this forum. This one is not for that purpose, it's to help guys that are uncertain how to approach women do so. A variety of good viewpoints were mentioned earlier, while derailing the thread helps nobody. Also, just because information is unpleasant does not mean it's not valid. Namely, there are ways for men to make themselves attractive to many women that border on misogyny. That's life.

You probably meant it as a defense, but most of your posts came off as an attack. Again, text communication and intent.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

marked174 said:


> This is a game not worth winning. These "shit-tests" are not respectful. I have enough respect for others (even complete strangers) to treat them the same way that I wish to be treated. I don't want to be judged by jumping through the hoops the other has laid out for me, and I wouldn't lay out such traps for others.
> I know that there are some women who feel this way, but I sincerely hope that it is not like that with all of them. If such were the case, then I could logically assume that men are better than women because they are not so inconsiderate and disrespectful. I refuse to see things this way.
> For me, it's not a question of confidence/nice, and the two should not be considered mutually exclusive. The question is simple: "Does this person have the capacity to participate in a healthy relationship with me? (relationship in the interpersonal communication sense, not necessarily romantic)" If a woman is "shit testing" me in any way, then the answer is a resounding "no".
> People are naturally communacative, and they don't need to be tested. All I have to do is pay attention to the other and I will naturally learn all I need to know about the kind of person they are. Similarly, if a person truly wants to know me then all they have to do is watch and listen. It is not a difficult task and it only requires an ounce of consideration.
> People "shit test" in a myriad of different ways, but whenever they do it, they do it to *control* the other; not learn about them. "They are, in essence, bullying the other into giving them a reaction. And although I might gain their respect by not falling prey to it, they most certainly lose mine for trying.


You're right. But the fact is that shit test still exist. This is not to say that its horrible, like I said. I could be just teasing, but someone might take it the wrong way. Also, some women don't care to be approached, so maybe a girl turns you down because she doesn't want any attention, but you want to try anyway, so you keep at it. There are too many variables to say its on a black and white scale. Some guys like women that do this shit, and some really dislike it. Some men dont even notice "shit tests" and they don't register as a big deal, while others might be offended. If you don't find it attractive, then pass up on it. I know I find overt/aggressive sexual interest unattractive, but some women like it so I can't knock it completely.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

*Just realizing what the ongoing discussion is all about*

Yeah, I meet people in places where I can actually hear and comprehend them speak... and when they aren't playing some pick up game but actually approach me as a human being. Tends to work better.


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## BlueG (Jun 2, 2011)

Well, don't invite her to dance by grinding your penis into her back. 

I would just want someone to come up and start talking. 



> Is a nightclub the best place to meet women?


I don't think so at all. I prefer places where people don't put on shows.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Spades said:


> Sweeping generalizations much?


Isn't this thread full of generalizations? 

Also, I'd imagine the club scene appealing to certain types over others. Though the type of club does matter. I wouldn't imagine seeing my idea of an average club scene filled with a bunch of INTPs for example. Do they go to clubs? Sure, I'd imagine some do. I also wouldn't imagine seeing a ton of really introverted people there. But thats just my take on it based on what I've seen from the partying scene in college.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

Chipps said:


> Isn't this thread full of generalizations?


No reason to add to them.



> Also, I'd imagine the club scene appealing to certain types over others.


*Functions* do not dictate *interests*! You're an Ne-dom; do you like clubs?



> *Though the type of club does matter*. I wouldn't imagine seeing my idea of an average club scene filled with a bunch of INTPs for example. Do they go to clubs? Sure, I'd imagine some do. I also wouldn't imagine seeing a ton of really introverted people there. But thats just my take on it based on what I've seen from the partying scene in college.


Yes, thank you. There are plenty of INxx's at raves, I can tell you that with certainty.


Anyway, didn't mean to jump on your post; it was the first one I saw and I didn't agree =P I no longer want to be a part of this thread, after seeing the rest of it =P


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Please refrain from trolling or I will be forced to close it and infract the trolls.


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## Mountainshepherd (Feb 23, 2012)

dejavu said:


> Be aware that some women in nightclubs do not want to be approached, no matter which way you try.
> 
> When my friends and I go out, we are just there for a girls night, to dance. The attempts from guys on those nights are just annoying.


Don't go to the forest if you don't like trees. It may be annoying but you're in the known playing field so people will expect you to play. You're within your rights to not play, but you're more annoying to the people who are playing than they are to you, you're the one not following the rules .

To the OP's question:

Put your best foot forward. If you're cocky funny be cocky funny, if you're well mannered and proper be well mannered and proper. As a generalization people go out to clubs to get involved in something other than whatever they left to go to the club. If you're at a club you're seeking "something" be it sex, to dance, to drink, to wallflower and people watch, you're there for a reason and the same is true of women. Watch them, see why they are there and judge you'll be able to narrow down your options, take confidence in your judgments and approach (you might be wrong it doesn't matter). The worst thing you can do is be fake, not because it doesn't work but because if you're not practiced at it you'll destroy any appearance of confidence you have.
Most of the "game" is about building an image, an image that you already have and just need to understand and harness. 

Best piece of advice I can give to a club goer, if you go out to the club to get involved in the club you'll probably fail because you become part of the background. If you go out to the club to bring your scene to the club, and you maintain your scene while you are there, you might even have women approach you. We're all looking for something, and if you present your something as worthwhile on its own other people will want to know what it is. 

Anecdote: One of the more "successful" nights I've had in terms of attracting women I made zero efforts to attract them. I went out with friends and spent the entire time focusing on my friends, my drink, the TV, etc, I was at the bar but clearly doing my own thing. I had several women sit down next to me to talk and I had one woman directly offer herself to me at nights end if I was interested. The great humor of this particular evening being that I was going out not wanting to get laid and I left not taking the woman up on her offer (multiple reasons the simple one being I was too drunk and when I have sex I make sure its good sex not whiskey dick sex).


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## Subtle Murder (May 19, 2012)

bigtex1989 said:


> Dude there are like 10 thousand ways. Here are some of my rules.
> 
> 1. NEVER buy a girl a drink...ever. Exception: One time this girl I was dancing with lost her money/credit card on the dance floor. How did I know she wasn't lying? My hands were in her pockets so I knew she didn't have any money on her. I felt it was ok to break this rule since we had already made out.
> 
> ...


*laughs*

I feel like I have just re-read The Game by Neil Strauss. 

I can't deny, some of the approach tactics definitely work. But my advice to you, OP, is just like everyone else's - nightclubs aren't the only place to meet and get to know women.


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## Alexxandra (May 30, 2012)

@Tega1 Just go up to her and introduce yourself. But don't ever go looking for a nice girl in a nightclub.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

I think you can meet a decent girl at a club, that is- if she's trusting enough and open to the idea while your intentions are in alignment with her's. Be genuine.

I automatically distrust any guy I meet at clubs and bars, even if they appear nice.


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## Krelian91 (May 2, 2012)

skycloud86 said:


> Here's a good blog entry to consider -
> 
> Guest Blogger Starling: Schrödinger.
> 
> I suggest that if you are going to approach women that you do not know, you do so with respect.


*takes notes*


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## 626Stitch (Oct 22, 2010)

> Nightclubs suck ass. Trying to make a verbal connection in a nightclub is like trying to paint underwater.


so where is there that doesnt suck ass? Just in general were can you meet women and get to know them since nightclubs are no good?


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## Adventure (Dec 15, 2011)

Some people are funny in they lack of common sense. 
@OP not only you want to buy her a free drink, but you're willing to ask he IF she wants free drink, and only then ask her if she likes to dance? 

First of all don't think of dance or any interaction with woman as prize, for which you must pay. You get to know her and she gets to know you, fair exchange UNLESS you think yourself less worthy than she is. 
Second, just be yourself, add only confidence and self-esteem. That's all it takes, really, many guys overthink or overfeel it, either way results are poor. And go for what you want. Dancing around girl as many guys do and waiting for maybe she makes move is plain stupid. 
If I want a quick dance/fun/whatever follows I just grab the girl and start dancing. But usually that's not the girl I'd like to date.
If there is some girl that I really like I will just make eye-contact with slight side smile and pull my hand out / move closer to her slowly. But that's me, you have to do whatever approach you are comfortable with, period. Otherwise she'll see you're faking anyway, really no point.
Also if you don't like clubs, don't go to them.
But that's just advice, you can [read avatar].


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

When I go to nightclubs, I never even thought of going to pick up a lady friend, it was always about the dancing to awesome 80s one hit wonders. I think it's not because I didn't want to get laid, who doesn't? But I have found that picking up a person at a place like that, usually requires a little bit of shared stimulant interest. Usually this is smoking or alcohol. I'm not a smoker, and I don't drink, so usually it might be what I drink with her? This is a good argument of why picking up people at nightclubs where the main hub is a bar, is a bad idea. Because if you're not into that stuff, it makes it harder to do stuff. I like being alone at those places with my diet coke. If they're game on drinking soda, then we're good. But I don't think people flock to these places to drink stuff that keeps them sober. Alcohol is associated with good times. I think because it makes people feel more relaxed, and less awkward in the meeting process.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Nightclubs are good if you want a one-night stand with a woman. It's probably hard for a shy guy to navigate that scene. Nightclubs are really fun but I usually go with my girlfriends to dance, and maybe to flirt a little, but not to go home with anyone. Some women have different standards and are there to "hook up." Bars are quieter generally so it is easier to have a conversation. In a club your hips do the talking, or you scream and can't talk the next day. 

It is acceptable to ask a lady what she is drinking and if you can buy her next one. It is also acceptable to open with a compliment - you have pretty eyes, or that dress is very flattering. Bonus if you can give a compliment that doesn't center on her looks, as most women would like to be seen for more than how they look (not always possible to open with a non-superficial comment, though). You can also open with an observation about the environment - good band, pool table has no good pool sticks (if you saw her playing pool), good drink prices, whatever.


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## Adventure (Dec 15, 2011)

sparkles said:


> but I usually go with my girlfriends to dance, and maybe to flirt a little, but not to go home with anyone.


As Will Smith said in "Hitch": 'no woman wakes up saying, "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" '


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Adventure said:


> As Will Smith said in "Hitch": 'no woman wakes up saying, "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" '


Ha, true. 

Problem is, I don't like the idea of meeting someone in a nightclub. Seems skeezy to me. So I would have huge walls up, that would make it harder for anyone who was interested.


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## Adventure (Dec 15, 2011)

sparkles said:


> Problem is, I don't like the idea of meeting someone in a nightclub. Seems skeezy to me. So I would have huge walls up, that would make it harder for anyone who was interested.


Can't say I blame you for this - all these drunk guys who just want to bang your ass, many girls seems to like this though.
Still _harder _is not impossible, if there is the will there is a way. I think you'd rather favor guy who's willing and capable to get to you even with obstacles from your way.


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

Adventure said:


> Can't say I blame you for this - all these drunk guys who just want to bang your ass, many girls seems to like this though.
> Still _harder _is not impossible, if there is the will there is a way. I think you'd rather favor guy who's willing and capable to get to you even with obstacles from your way.


You're right many girls seem to like guys being after their bodies. Makes them feel attractive, and after all Western culture reinforces the notion that women are primarily useful for their physicality. 

Yeah I would probably end up going for someone who was willing to jump through some hoops. But I wouldn't be laying out obstacles on purpose for that. I'd just be like dude, I met you in a *night club*. You just wanted to jump my bones. I'm going on with my biz.

But that is also another reason I don't think shy guys would enjoy navigating that scene. If they don't want someone who LIKES the idea of meeting an SO in a club or a bar, then they will potentially have to fight for her attention. Easier for less shy people to do that.


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## BeauGarcon (May 11, 2011)

be drunk and smell girls like hairy masculine men 
and be sure to kiss her even if she appears to reject you she doesnt mean it girls want dominance


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## sparkles (Mar 2, 2011)

BeauGarcon said:


> be drunk and smell girls like hairy masculine men
> and be sure to kiss her *even if she appears to reject you she doesnt mean it* girls want dominance


You're kidding right?


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

strawberryLola said:


> I think you can meet a decent girl at a club, that is- if she's trusting enough and open to the idea while your intentions are in alignment with her's. Be genuine.
> 
> I automatically distrust any guy I meet at clubs and bars, even if they appear nice.


This is where alcohol comes in...


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## redmanXNTP (May 17, 2011)

sparkles said:


> In a club your hips do the talking, or you scream and can't talk the next day.


You say this like it's a bad thing, but the last thing I want to do the next day is talk to her.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

Walk up and make out with her. Bally, but it sure beats the small talk and getting to know you stuff. :crazy:


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