# Signs of a distraught INTx?



## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

And how would I know if I would be offending an NT if I'm asking if everything is okay/something seems off? Or even considering just listening/allowing them to vent.


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## Eleventeenth (Aug 24, 2011)

Just don't push and probe and you'll be fine. I think that's the key. It's always good if someone says, "Hey, you don't really seem like yourself lately - is something up?"

If yes, then, "Well, let's talk about it...what's going on?" 
If no (or if they seem hesitant), then, "OK, well I'm always here if you need to talk."

Offer your ear, and then leave the ball in their court. This seems less invasive and allows the person to avoid talking about it if they don't want to. Sometimes just the presence of a friend is good, other times they may prefer to be left alone. Also, if they tell you nothing is wrong - believe them. Don't insist that something is wrong if they say it's not. Take them at face value and allow them to change the subject if they want. The fact that you offered is probably very much appreciated in and of itself.


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## Rayos (Mar 28, 2012)

You may also want to allow them to cool off before asking, as we aren't very in touch with our emotions so we want to be given a chance to sort them out and when we calm down, we can talk about it.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Well it seems to be have been going on for two weeks at most/at least one week


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## Polo (Oct 2, 2011)

Sometimes it takes me a few days or more to sort out how I felt about a particular event or situation. I might even think I reacted and felt a certain way, but then later realize that I didn't actually feel that way at all.... in the end I can over analyze myself *facepalm*

Do you mind giving a little bit more detail to the "distraught" part? Are you speaking of anger or frustration or deep sadness?

I think Eleventeenth gave the best advice, all in all.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

You know you've fucked up when they shut down.


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Polo said:


> Sometimes it takes me a few days or more to sort out how I felt about a particular event or situation. I might even think I reacted and felt a certain way, but then later realize that I didn't actually feel that way at all.... in the end I can over analyze myself *facepalm*
> 
> Do you mind giving a little bit more detail to the "distraught" part? Are you speaking of anger or frustration or deep sadness?
> 
> I think Eleventeenth gave the best advice, all in all.


They seem bitterly sarcastic than funny sarcastic and just seem over all in a bad mood.


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## TrailMix (Apr 27, 2011)

I think the biggest thing is that you have to GENUINELY appear concerned because I know I will immediately shut down if I detect even an ounce of disinterest or lack of sympathy/caring.

Other than that, for me, the biggest sign that I'm upset is when I appear as if nothing is wrong haha, thus creating quite a conundrum. I keep things bottled up until I cant take it anymore and I'll run off somewhere for a few hours or accidentally break down in front of a friend, seemingly out of nowhere. Once I'm in that situation, its best to just let me vent. Dont try to solve the problem, trust me, as an NT, they've already tried doing that. IF they see no way out, then all you have to do is listen and tell them that it really sucks and they dont deserve it, basically haha... we arent too hard to care for, just dont force us to say anything if we dont want to

Also... dont betray our trust. ever. you wont get it back haha


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

So what about resorting to weed/cigs/energy drinks/alcohol/caffeine?


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## Ambiguous (Aug 17, 2009)

The INFJs I've known are very good at getting me to talk about stuff. I dunno really how they do it though, so I guess I'm no help 

Saying, "what are you thinking about" at the right time may work though.


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## NeedsNewNameNow (Dec 1, 2009)

Vexed said:


> And how would I know if I would be offending an NT if I'm asking if everything is okay/something seems off? Or even considering just listening/allowing them to vent.


Shouldn't be a problem, as long as you aren't asking constantly.

Sometimes I won't say anything until someone has noticed. I also may not want to talk about it


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

Ambiguous said:


> The INFJs I've known are very good at getting me to talk about stuff. I dunno really how they do it though, so I guess I'm no help
> 
> Saying, "what are you thinking about" at the right time may work though.


What was the timing it was asked?



NeedsNewNameNow said:


> Shouldn't be a problem, as long as you aren't asking constantly.
> 
> Sometimes I won't say anything until someone has noticed. I also may not want to talk about it


So I shouldn't bother if there's a chance they won't talk?


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## NeedsNewNameNow (Dec 1, 2009)

Vexed said:


> So I shouldn't bother if there's a chance they won't talk?


Um, I don't think there's any harm in asking


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## Vexed (Jan 28, 2012)

NeedsNewNameNow said:


> Um, I don't think there's any harm in asking


What's the best way to ask if i've noticed it for awhile? As teh first thing or ease into it? Because I get snarky comments when doing small talk "How's it going?"


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## NeedsNewNameNow (Dec 1, 2009)

Vexed said:


> What's the best way to ask if i've noticed it for awhile? As teh first thing or ease into it? Because I get snarky comments when doing small talk "How's it going?"


Haha.. it's better to ask specific questions rather than an open-ended one like that.

it also depends on how close the two of you are. A question like "you've seemed (agitated, down, whatever) for awhile, everything ok?" is probably a good way, but we'd be more likely to answer it from a friend/trusted confidant. If it's from someone I don't know that well, my head will start spinning, I may feel embarassed because I don't like to be read, and dodge the question.

now if you aren't close, and you have a guess what might be bothering him, you might try to just talk about that particular thing, in general, he may start venting about it if it's bothering him.

anyway. I'm intp, if this person is intj, his reaction could be totally different


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

Vexed said:


> What's the best way to ask if i've noticed it for awhile? As teh first thing or ease into it? Because I get snarky comments when doing small talk "How's it going?"


If they say that everything's fine, just leave it at that. In my experience, if things aren't fine with a person and you continue on as though they are regardless of what you're inclined to believe, that person will probably open up. If not, there either is no problem, that person wants to deal with the problem on their own, or that person doesn't realize there is one.

INTPs and INTJs are fundamentally different really. Even when you talk about the cognitive functions, they manifest themselves in different ways from person to person. There may be patterns and similarities, but you're looking at this through the wrong filter. Forget INTx. You want to find out what's wrong with an individual person, but you don't know how. Just do it how you normally would. Or judge based on your knowledge of this person.

To use an example, @Psyphon and I are diametrically opposite in more ways than not. We are also both ENTPs. In fact every ENTP is very different than another ENTP in some way. This is true for all types. As such, this question isn't really appropriate. Approaching someone from the perspective of type rather than that person steals the person's individuality.


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## Psyphon (Jan 29, 2012)

MegaTuxRacer said:


> To use an example, @Psyphon and I are diametrically opposite in more ways than not. We are also both ENTPs. In fact every ENTP is very different than another ENTP in some way. This is true for all types. As such, this question isn't really appropriate. Approaching someone from the perspective of type rather than that person steals the person's individuality.


 You know it baby. But I still love reading your perspectives on things . I do agree with you though that people can be more than the sum or their cognitive functions, although I feel they hold more weight than you do at the core of that person ... there I go turning it into a disagreement again


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## MegaTuxRacer (Sep 7, 2011)

Psyphon said:


> You know it baby. But I still love reading your perspectives on things . I do agree with you though that people can be more than the sum or their cognitive functions, although I feel they hold more weight than you do at the core of that person ... there I go turning it into a disagreement again


I am not discounting how important cognitive functions are in a person. I am simply saying that they hold little relevance to talking to his friend (presumably) about something. Something being whatever this thread was started for. Emotional turmoil or whatever. Point is, he would presumably know this person and therefore have a better idea than us about how to approach the situation.

And your perspectives are rather interesting as well. Makes me think on the other side of the coin a lot.


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## Psyphon (Jan 29, 2012)

MegaTuxRacer said:


> I am not discounting how important cognitive functions are in a person. I am simply saying that they hold little relevance to talking to his friend (presumably) about something. Something being whatever this thread was started for. Emotional turmoil or whatever. Point is, he would presumably know this person and therefore have a better idea than us about how to approach the situation.
> 
> And your perspectives are rather interesting as well. Makes me think on the other side of the coin a lot.


 Okay there you went and made me agree with you again


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## Ambiguous (Aug 17, 2009)

Vexed said:


> What was the timing it was asked?


Just trust your gut. If he seems receptive to wanting to talk about it, let him talk. If not, don't try to force it. I don't think I ever get upset with someone if they ask, just if they continue to pry and I'm not in the mood. But you should be fine. Also the other advice in here is good. You know the person better than us. We only have a couple sentences of information


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