# ESFJ opinions



## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

Even though I am very social I don't share a lot of my opinions and thoughts with most people I interact with. I save them for my closer friends and family and sometimes people I work with.

And when I share those opinions people might say they are quirky or roll their eyes and that really hurts my feelings.
So I keep a lot to myself. In many ways I have very traditional and conservative values that are not "trendy" right now.

It's a really lonely feeling to feel as though you have to go through life keeping your opinions to yourself. I end up bottling stuff up and then over sharing my opinions. I feel like a normal person and normalcy is somewhat important to me so I don't understand why people are surprised or shocked by my statements.

Any other ESFJs with this issue?


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Sounds about right. I used to over share to most people but then I realised that no one cares. So I share my opinions a lot with close friends, often in joke form if it could offend them - like if I don't like a band they do. I tend not to try and shove my opinion down other people's throats like I used to... My God I was insufferable a few years ago, no wonder I barely had any friends. 
Anyway. I kinda have your issue. But it's okay, you can still try and get an opinion discussion going by asking people for theirs. It doesn't always work but it's a safe bet. And when they ask for your opinion you can align yours more closely to theirs so they won't think you're a weirdo.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Same with me. Especially on drugs and other moral issues. I want people to respect my opinions but most of the time they think I'm not even serious or that my opinions don't deserve serious analysis because I'm so "uninformed" and "brainwashed". It's not just with the potheads though, it's with practically everyone. I took an American Government class last semester (a class where you have to have a lot of opinions) and everyone always thought I wasn't being serious, when I was dead serious. I usually bottle up my opinions too, but online and in political science classes I don't. 

I understand your need for normalcy, being normal is so important to me and it's something I strive for but I can never achieve it


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

Maybe it's the reverse INTP in us....INTPs tend to like me and accept my opinions ..same with INTJs and ISTPs.

ENTJs think I'm a freak.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Mollusk said:


> Maybe it's the reverse INTP in us....INTPs tend to like me and accept my opinions ..same with INTJs and ISTPs.
> 
> ENTJs think I'm a freak.


One of my best friends is INTP. So maybe. We are truly renegades within the MBTI


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

We are renegades? I'm shocked. The typing description always describes us as somewhat conformist....(I'm really really not though). That we can be fixated on being normal ( I don't feel normal).

That is why this is such a shock to me because I think more about the past and how things were done than the present or future. This mixed with some mild anxiety and worry and because who get to know me well think I'm "quirky". And I think they just don't see what I'm seeing.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Mollusk said:


> We are renegades? I'm shocked. The typing description always describes us as somewhat conformist....(I'm really really not though). That we can be fixated on being normal ( I don't feel normal).
> 
> That is why this is such a shock to me because I think more about the past and how things were done than the present or future. This mixed with some mild anxiety and worry and because who get to know me well think I'm "quirky". And I think they just don't see what I'm seeing.


RENEGADES I TELL YOU. Fight the power!!! 
Yup, I want to be normal. Never was in school/sixth form but I was pretty well liked at my last weekend job. They even did a collection for me when I left and on my birthday and I was only there on weekends! There's always hope, educational institutions are hostile and workplaces, from my experiences, are a million times better for weirdos like us - if only because everyone else is quirky too.


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

Wow this is so interesting...so maybe I just need to hide my personality from a lot of people to avoid getting hurt.

No descriptions ever say "wacky ESFJ" but I am......


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Mollusk said:


> Wow this is so interesting...so maybe I just need to hide my personality from a lot of people to avoid getting hurt.
> 
> No descriptions ever say "wacky ESFJ" but I am......


No, just teenagers.  And teenage minded adults.

Don't worry about it, descriptions aren't everything. They just take some stereotypes and mush them together, often painting ESFJs in the worst light. They mean next to nothing because ESFJ is just shorthand for FeSiNeTi. 
Also change your personality type in your profile, we need more ESFJ pride here!


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

I'm being vague about my type on purpose...otherwise my ideas are shot down on other parts of the forum...just for being SFJ

How do you feel about ESTJs? They seem to use the word normal with me a lot and it really stresses me, I don't think they care for the ESFJ as much as initially though.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Mollusk said:


> I'm being vague about my type on purpose...otherwise my ideas are shot down on other parts of the forum...just for being SFJ
> 
> How do you feel about ESTJs? They seem to use the word normal with me a lot and it really stresses me, I don't think they care for the ESFJ as much as initially though.


Boyfriend is ESTJ so I'm kinda biased.  love him. Not sure I know any other ESTJs but I love this one.

Pssht, that hasn't happened to me. You need to type in all caps sometimes, it scares the introverts and asserts your dominance.  I even got thanked in the INTJ forum! 
Don't be afraid of showing your type, it's only the immature people that will dare to call you out on your type, and if you retaliate they most likely won't dare bother you again. So show your pride, girl! And being ESFJ is a novelty on here, and people like novelty.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

john.thomas said:


> I understand your need for normalcy, being normal is so important to me and it's something I strive for but I can never achieve it


How is this possible?

The steps to achieving normalcy ->

1. Know what normal is.

- That's easy. It's very clear to see what normal is by looking at those around you.

2. Do what the normals do.

- Also easy.



? ? ?


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

Lol it's a novelty in real life too. I never ever meet ESFJs. I work in a science based industry with a lot of Ns. It can be hard to communicate with them.

I personality think ESFJ and ISTJ are the least common types.

I know so many NFs and NTs socially and in my family. SJs are less common.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

Mollusk said:


> Lol it's a novelty in real life too. I never ever meet ESFJs. I work in a science based industry with a lot of Ns. It can be very to understand them.
> 
> I personality think ESFJ and ISTJ are the least common types.
> 
> I know so many NFs and NTs socially and in my family. SJs are less common.


That's so interesting that you say that.

I am taking a German language course at my uni and the teacher is an ESFJ.

At least one of the students is also an ESFJ. And one who sits at the front is no doubt an ESTJ.

I haven't typed the others. But those three were really easy to type.


--

In my Intermediate Macroeconomics course, I have already typed a male ESFJ. 

Seriously ESFJs are so easy to spot.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Mollusk said:


> Lol it's a novelty in real life too. I never ever meet ESFJs. I work in a science based industry with a lot of Ns. It can be very to understand them. I personality think ESFJ and ISTJ is the least common type.
> 
> I know so many NFs and NTs socially and in my family. SJs are less common.


That's quite surprising, maybe Ns aren't as rare in real life as the statistics suggest. Are these the same people who think you're weird?


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

It's true in my case and industry. Mother, brother, father all Ns. Close friends growing up INFPs although one was ESTP. Ex-boyfriends: ENTJ and INTJ. Then I met my ISTP husband and communicating was so easy.

Mind you I don't have issues with all Ns. I am especially drawn to INTP and can be drawn to INTJ but sometimes it's just easier to talk to a sensor. And I have no idea where they are!!


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

I don't believe Ns are rare and I know 4 INFJs in daily life.


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

emberfly said:


> That's so interesting that you say that.
> 
> I am taking a German language course at my uni and the teacher is an ESFJ.
> 
> ...


How do you spot them? I've been told by 2 co-workers they thought I was ESFP.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

Mollusk said:


> How do you spot them? I've been told by 2 co-workers they thought I was ESFP.


They're extremely warm and caring. Which stands out easily since the vast majority of people are not Fe doms. 

They say hi to people with a smile. They subscribe heavily to gender roles (this can make them pretty easy to spot, as well). 

They will dress in a super feminine way. Or if they're males they will (usually) be muscular and dress in a masculine way. 

It's always over-the-top, though. They can't just be a normal feminine person or a normal masculine person. They have to play a part. They're like caricatures of societal expectations.

I've never seen a female ESFJ who didn't wear loads of makeup. The valedictorian of my graduating class in high school was an ESFJ and she wore so much makeup every single day. Nothing sexy, though. She was modest. My professor also does, but she's much better at it, I have to say. (Maybe more experience). 

They hand out compliments like they're going out of business.

They'll always try to include everyone. They _hate_ seeing people not participating.

If you have a question about the course material, they are the wrong people to ask. They almost never know the answer unless it's something super basic or obvious. This is really easy to spot in a classroom setting. 

It's really hard to get them to say something bad about someone. They'll always make excuses for people or give them the benefit of the doubt. 

All of the people I typed as esfj are like this to a T ^ and they also care heavily about being liked and making everyone happy.

One male ESFJ in my class asked everyone on the first day of class if they would like to form a study group. You could tell by his face that he really wanted everyone to say yes and participate and be included. And that it hurt him a little when most people ignored him. He dresses like a grown man even though he is 20. He wears a collared, button-down shirt everyday. And I've never seen him wear shorts. He cares how he presents himself. He wants to be seen as a good pupil, I suppose. A good samaritan.


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## 90626 (Apr 17, 2014)

Okay, you do seem very keenly aware, a lot of peolple mistype ESFPs and ENFJs as ESFJs.

I agree with your description except that the feminity is not a caricature, it's genuinely felt true feminity. (At least for me).


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## Megladon1220 (Dec 1, 2014)

I tend to keep everything Inside and not tell anyone anything that bothers me or has happened and then all of the sudden.... Out of the complete blue... Something will just randomly set me off and then I'm like a tornado just spilling everything in the last year out. Even the littlest things 😅😂


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MelodyGirl (Dec 18, 2010)

Pleeeease be yourself in person with people.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

MelodyGirl said:


> Pleeeease be yourself in person with people.


i like to share my opinions. its obvious that if someone else have a different opinion they will not take yours seriously. thats when you can have a nice debate and although it typically does not change anything, still you get to learn something about the other person =]

i love debating, as long as its civilized. sometimes i would even take the side i do not agree with it just to have a what if debate =]


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

Mollusk said:


> Even though I am very social I don't share a lot of my opinions and thoughts with most people I interact with. I save them for my closer friends and family and sometimes people I work with.
> 
> And when I share those opinions people might say they are quirky or roll their eyes and that really hurts my feelings.
> So I keep a lot to myself. In many ways I have very traditional and conservative values that are not "trendy" right now.
> ...


All the time though.
I started just saying what I thought and not caring. It's better than not saying what I think and feeling dishonest...but I kinda want to go back. I don't know.


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