# Single girls actually exist?



## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

So basically every girl i know is either:
1) not single;
2) single, but not interested in me;
3) single, but i'm not interested in her;
4) single, but i don't know her enough and there is next to zero way to get to know her without looking like a creep.

Just to be more precise, 2) and 3) are the same person, 4) is a set of N random girls of which i totally lost count, and 1) is a set with the cardinality of the continuum (for dummies: bigger than infinite).

One doesn't simply meet a girl who is single with the right characteristics, and that's even harder for an INTP.

How do i even single girls?
Please provide step-by-step scheme thx :laughing:


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

*Step 1*
Online dating
*Step 2 *
Lower standards
*Step 3 *
Cry when no one messages you
*Step 4*
Give up
*Step 5*
Find girlfriend after a year of inactivity on dating website
*Step 6* 
Cheer


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Retsu said:


> *Step 1*
> Online dating
> *Step 2 *
> Lower standards
> ...


The "you find it as soon as you stop looking for it" concept may actually make sense. Someone should run a huge social experiment on it just to see how often it actually works.
But apart from that, my difficulty mostly resides in finding new available girls. A lot of people have problems reading into their intentions or opening to them once they already know them, that's not my case, my problem is even before the beginning. I mean, how in earth do people actually find *new* partners? They purchase them on Google Play?


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## HeartCartography (Mar 23, 2015)

akiyama said:


> So basically every girl i know is either:
> 1) not single;
> 2) single, but not interested in me;
> 3) single, but i'm not interested in her;
> ...


One does simply meet a girl with the right characteristics. And, then there will still be differences to be negotiated etcetera. But, like anything in life it usually takes a lot of effort to meet such person.

So, how to meet a person where mutual attraction exists without seeming creepy? Be friends with a lot of people. If you are friends with a girl first you won't come across as creepy and you are more likely to recognize characteristics that really do appeal to you.

Difficult for an introvert, yes?

Can you ask your friends to include you more when they socialize? Be proactive in planning things and inviting people? Put yourself out to attend things that include your interests? Online date? Travel? 

Have you worked on yourself so you have interests and qualities attractive for someone else? If you are doing all these things and meeting people, it will happen and it will be amazing. The hard part is just relaxing until it does.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

akiyama said:


> The "you find it as soon as you stop looking for it" concept may actually make sense. Someone should run a huge social experiment on it just to see how often it actually works.
> But apart from that, my difficulty mostly resides in finding new available girls. A lot of people have problems reading into their intentions or opening to them once they already know them, that's not my case, my problem is even before the beginning. I mean, how in earth do people actually find *new* partners? They purchase them on Google Play?


I think the whole "you find it when you stop looking for it thing" is like you sort of stop caring so you lose track of time so lets say in 5 years you find someone and by that time you've accepted being ~5eva alone~ so when it happens you're like WHAT WOW IT really is true ~i found it~. That's what I think about that.

Have you been going to new places or like joining new activities that would force you to meet new people??


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

akiyama said:


> The "you find it as soon as you stop looking for it" concept may actually make sense. Someone should run a huge social experiment on it just to see how often it actually works.
> But apart from that, my difficulty mostly resides in finding new available girls. A lot of people have problems reading into their intentions or opening to them once they already know them, that's not my case, my problem is even before the beginning. I mean, how in earth do people actually find *new* partners? They purchase them on Google Play?


Go to new environments. Somewhere where you can regularly meet new people


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

Gossip Goat said:


> I think the whole "you find it when you stop looking for it thing" is like you sort of stop caring so you lose track of time so lets say in 5 years you find someone and by that time you've accepted being ~5eva alone~ so when it happens you're like WHAT WOW IT really is true ~i found it~. That's what I think about that.


Yeah, it probably works like that.



HeartCartography said:


> One does simply meet a girl with the right characteristics. And, then there will still be differences to be negotiated etcetera. But, like anything in life it usually takes a lot of effort to meet such person.


I should specify that what i'm currently looking for is exploration, not "the right person". I say this because honestly i still don't fully know what i want from a relationship and i think the best way to find it is by trial and error (i don't know if that's just me, honestly i think everyone is like this but most people don't realize it or don't want to admit it). Hence i don't even care that much about setting myself with who knows what kind of standards, i just have to find someone who is free and is willing to try.



HeartCartography said:


> Have you worked on yourself so you have interests and qualities attractive for someone else?


I hear this a lot. I honestly can't fully understand what it means, mostly because of what i just said above. If i try to pose that same question in reverse, "what kind of interests and qualities would i find attractive in someone else?", i don't know the answer, and hence it looks a bit silly to me that people expect me to have some kind of pre-defined qualities. I mean, i consider myself to be too young at 21 to know such things with any degree of certainty. Surely i realize there are some people who have plenty of experience at this age, but i don't think they are a lot and that's not what i'm looking for anyway.

Not that i don't have interests and qualities, of course. But i can't figure out what other people expect, since i myself don't expect much from other people.



Gossip Goat said:


> Have you been going to new places or like joining new activities that would force you to meet new people??





HeartCartography said:


> So, how to meet a person where mutual attraction exists without seeming creepy? Be friends with a lot of people. If you are friends with a girl first you won't come across as creepy and you are more likely to recognize characteristics that really do appeal to you.
> 
> Difficult for an introvert, yes?
> 
> Can you ask your friends to include you more when they socialize? Be proactive in planning things and inviting people? Put yourself out to attend things that include your interests? Online date? Travel?





Pifanjr said:


> Go to new environments. Somewhere where you can regularly meet new people


I quote these together since they basically say the same things.

Really, that's easier said than done. And even when it gets done, it's not obvious that you find someone, either. I don't have a lot of friends but i have friends who are friends with a lot of people, and they themselves struggle in finding new available girls. Recently a new inside meme-joke has born between us just for this reason, "there exists no single girl ever" which sounds like the famous "there are no girls on the internet".
And that's to say i don't find i can rely on my friends' connections for this matter.

As far as going to new places and joining new activities, i'm not doing any of these at the moment. I also can't imagine how i could realistically do that. Give some example?

And for online dating, that seems doable until you realize that the girl-guy ratio is really not in guys favor. Girls have mostly likely seen the same kinds of questions and requests and whatever many times over every day, especially if they are even remotely attractive or interesting. Unless you find ways to really stand out, you'll be lost in the crowd.


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## HeartCartography (Mar 23, 2015)

akiyama said:


> As far as going to new places and joining new activities, i'm not doing any of these at the moment. I also can't imagine how i could realistically do that. Give some example?


Sorry about that, I "get" what you are looking for now.

Go to craigslist for where you live to the Community section and look under "Activities" to find free things that fall under your interests. Take a 'wingman' and attend.

Go to concerts that interest you. Outdoor concerts are particularly good as they are a more chill vibe and you can lay blankets next to people that interest you or literally bump up to people as you dance. 

There are some interesting studies done on ratios of single women-to-men done in different cities also. You may be in a zone that is more difficult. Travel is amazing for meeting single people. At 21 it doesn't have to be expensive. Staying in hostels and backpacking is a great way to meet people. Travelling on trains, waiting in airports, going to foreign tourist sites all open up exciting "meet opportunities". A goal?


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## ClarityOfVision (Mar 3, 2013)

Stop looking and start discovering. Before writing anyone off as "not interesting", get to know them a bit better. Some things are hidden beneath the surface of the first impression


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

Joining Mensa helped for me. They have a lot of activities and the people are generally very nice in my experience. You do have to take the test of course.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Screw having standards, just meet a person and nature will take its course.


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## bluh (Mar 30, 2015)

Step 1. Collect Underpants
Step 2. ????
Step 3. Marriage!


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

HeartCartography said:


> Sorry about that, I "get" what you are looking for now.
> 
> Go to craigslist for where you live to the Community section and look under "Activities" to find free things that fall under your interests. Take a 'wingman' and attend.
> 
> ...


Craigslist is no deal for me since the listing in my zone is literally empty apart from scam and gay men (and when i say "my zone" i mean in a 300km radius from where i live).

Concerts... maybe it's doable, maybe not. I'll try, although they are a bit rare in my area.

I currently don't have the time nor the possibility to travel but that could be ok in the future.



ClarityOfVision said:


> Stop looking and start discovering. Before writing anyone off as "not interesting", get to know them a bit better. Some things are hidden beneath the surface of the first impression





Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Screw having standards, just meet a person and nature will take its course.


That's what i'm trying to do, my problem is indeed (1) meeting a person and (2) starting the interaction. When i said "right characteristics" i was a bit misleading, i clarified what i really meant in my previous post.



bluh said:


> Step 1. Collect Underpants
> Step 2. ????
> Step 3. Marriage!


That sounds like a deal, too bad i'm not looking for marriage yet.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

u rang


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

lol

i was at the club once and i asked a girl to dance and she was like "i have a boyfriend" and i was like "just one? i have like 6 girlfriends". she was not amused.

i also like the one where the girl is like "i'm a lesbian" and i was like "that's fine, is your girlfriend bisexual though?". 

women hate me, man. 

most of the time, you don't ask what her relationship status is. i assume she's single until i'm told otherwise. or if there's a ring.


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Screw having standards, just meet a person and nature will take its course.


true. the truth is, if you put any man and any woman in a room for a length of time, eventually they're going to have sex. that's just life.


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## nO_d3N1AL (Apr 25, 2014)

I feel you man. I haven't been looking, I'm 21 and still nothing. I don't think a girl has ever showed interest in me. Gotta be patient I guess, but it does have an impact on one's self-esteem. Being single makes me feel less valued


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## bluh (Mar 30, 2015)

xisnotx said:


> true. the truth is, if you put any man and any woman in a room for a length of time, eventually they're going to have sex. that's just life.


That would make an interesting experiment. I wonder if they would also fall in love with one another eventually too.


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## the_natrix (Aug 10, 2011)

bluh said:


> Step 1. Collect Underpants
> Step 2. ????
> Step 3. Marriage!


You're trying to seduce me aren't you?


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

nO_d3N1AL said:


> I feel you man. I haven't been looking, I'm 21 and still nothing. I don't think a girl has ever showed interest in me. Gotta be patient I guess, but it does have an impact on one's self-esteem. Being single makes me feel less valued


I was exactly the same way (I'm 21, never noticed a girl being interested in me), until recently. It is possible, but you have to make contact with new girls. And probably have a lot of luck.


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## dozer (Mar 31, 2015)

It helps being in groups of people with similar interests. Maybe like a club of some sort. Online dating could work too. I've never really tried it besides messing around on Tinder haha.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

Daleks_Exterminate said:


> Hereâ€™s Why Youâ€™re Still Single Based On Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type | Thought Catalog


:laughing:



> You’re single because: You idealize the crap out of potential partners and then get upset when their reality doesn’t measure up.You’ll get into a relationship when: You meet someone who also wants the rest of his or her life to resemble a Nicholas Sparks novel.




Nicholas Sparks?!!!!! We are INFPs and they dare suggest we read mundane drivel like Nicholas Sparks! My god, pick one of the Bronte sisters, at least, or a poet like John Keats. Any of the Romantics will do.
If you want to make a point about our insanely high ideals, then you dont choose ISFJ Nicholas Sparks to illustrate it.


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## HeartCartography (Mar 23, 2015)

Nicholas Sparks?!!!!! We are INFPs and they dare suggest we read mundane drivel like Nicholas Sparks! My god, pick one of the Bronte sisters, at least, or a poet like John Keats. Any of the Romantics will do.
If you want to make a point about our insanely high ideals, then you dont choose ISFJ Nicholas Sparks to illustrate it. [/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Stands up. Applauds. Throws flowers at your feet @OrangeAppled

Yeah, I've read a Sparks at the beach, but I would never imagine my ideal partner or life as slipping from those pages!


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## akiyama (Jan 11, 2015)

OrangeAppled said:


> Can I at least order pizza with that number?


I got some leftover from yesterday in my fridge. You're welcome.


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## Pifanjr (Aug 19, 2014)

Morfinyon said:


> Where do you live owo? In Germany Mensa was kind of exclusive, elitist and everything felt forced.


The Netherlands. It probably depends a bit on what activities you go to, but most of the members here seem really nice. You can go play board games somewhere almost every weekend, sometimes even for the entire weekend. 
And if you're new and you feel a bit uncomfortable, just watching some people play, there's almost always someone who asks if you want to join a game.


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## Scrabbletray (Apr 27, 2014)

bluh said:


> That would make an interesting experiment. I wonder if they would also fall in love with one another eventually too.


Last I checked interacting with a member of the opposite sex a lot will almost invariably result in love unless a better option presents itself. That's why all us unattractive guys are always trying to find the super-shy cute girls so we can date them without anyone else getting in the way!

As for the experimental part of this it's actually already been done and yielded some positive results. It's best if you can use a set of questions like the ones below to get the two people to "open up" to each other, but if two people are isolated long enough they will eventually open up to each other emotionally even if no outside force is trying to help it along.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

For Mr. INTP OP: I'm terrible with this advice so I'll just give a real example: My boyfriend first met me on a minecraft IRC channel.  Let that sink in for a minute. Love can be found literally anywhere.


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## badpun (Aug 24, 2014)

I don't really know your situation, but if no one in your social/work circle is dateable, maybe consider expanding it? Join a group activity or even try online dating.


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## NurseCat (Jan 20, 2015)

There are tons of single girls, they're just too ugly to be noticed.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

I Hate Therapists said:


> There are tons of single girls, they're just too ugly to be noticed.


All single girls are ugly?


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## NurseCat (Jan 20, 2015)

Children Of The Bad Revolution said:


> All single girls are ugly?


Noo, just stating that when people complain of every girl being taken they just aren't paying the ugly and fat ones any mind.


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## 1000BugsNightSky (May 8, 2014)

No. Women are so complicated that you might as well call them double.


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## Children Of The Bad Revolution (Oct 8, 2013)

I Hate Therapists said:


> Noo, just stating that when people complain of every girl being taken they just aren't paying the ugly and fat ones any mind.


What one may think of as 'ugly and fat', others might actually like the look of though.


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## Kami Gaben (Aug 26, 2012)

> ISTJYou’re single because: You aren’t a party animal/bad boy, which you’ve convinced yourself is all anyone your age wants.
> You’ll get into a relationship when: You finally reach the phase of life where other people are as ready to settle down as you have been for the past two decades.




Oh this explains so much... oh well...


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## chanteuse (May 30, 2014)

@akiyama

I feel your pain. I've met a few INTP guys at meetup events that I know how difficult it is for them to find attraction. You guys are really cerebral in behavior and topics of interest. Many women don't find romantic first impression from INTPs. 

The world is full of your scenarios 2 and 3. It's the story of my life, too. At least you are young enough to have a chance. The older you are (say, pass 50), the less you care to pair up (for both men and women, especially introverts). The drive is just not there. 

If you live in a sizable city, I'd recommend joining meetup events that interest you. I met a lot of new ppl during the 3 years I was active in participating. I met a guy with whom we shared mutual liking (but it's another story). On line dating is a long shot for INTPs. You guys really are wired differently cognitively. 

Don't give up and keep hoping.


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## HeartCartography (Mar 23, 2015)

I Hate Therapists said:


> There are tons of single girls, they're just too ugly to be noticed.


Looks and social acuity aside, there seems to be a lid for every box if one searches long enough. Look at the Mothers toting around children next time you are at the mall, park etcetera and it demonstrates that they were not ALL plucked from singledom for their looks alone


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## sockratees (Apr 7, 2015)

lol, they definitely exist. statistics show that 80% of the women choose to date only the top 20% of the men. so the illusion they are always taken forms for the bottom 80% of the men.


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## sockratees (Apr 7, 2015)

Retsu said:


> *Step 5*
> Find girlfriend after a year of inactivity on dating website
> *Step 6*
> Cheer


just show me how to get directly to steps 5 and 6. :th_wink:


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

sockratees said:


> just show me how to get directly to steps 5 and 6. :th_wink:


Make the dating profile then wait a year  No crying necessary


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