# I am transsexual: ask me anything (rules apply + story of my life)



## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

Where can I find a surgeon in Amerika?


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

@Neverontime it's this meta-physical "Mental Road Map of the Body" that makes it possible for children as young as 16 months old (Jazz Jennings was reported to have made this clear at the age of 16 months) to declare with full conviction that they're girls (or boys) and/or try to cut of their genitals (like me).


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Where can I find a surgeon in Amerika?


Google and transgender forums are your friend 

Keywords you can use are:

-SRS, Sex Reassignment Surgery
-FFS, Facial Feminization Surgery
-Breast Enhancement
-Etc

It depends on what you want/need, but they won't do anything to you before you saw a therapist and toke x-amounts of months of hormones and lived as your desired gender for x-amount of time


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

AesSidhe said:


> Google and transgender forums are your friend
> 
> Keywords you can use are:
> 
> ...


I think that's unsympathetic of them. I don't require their services any longer.


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> I think that's unsympathetic of them. I don't require their services any longer.


Also even though I know you're just joking/trolling, this might be important for people who are actually interested. Please don't use back-alley surgeons, they'll put cement and other crazy fillers in your body that'll permanently mutilate your body. You're better off taking a real but 'expensive' surgeon, instead of a surgeon that'll mutilate or kill you ...


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

AesSidhe said:


> Also even though I know you're just joking/trolling, this might be important for people who are actually interested. Please don't use back-alley surgeons, they'll put cement and other crazy fillers in your body that'll permanently mutilate your body. You're better off taking a real but 'expensive' surgeon, instead of a surgeon that'll mutilate or kill you ...


Well there are two side quests I'd like to complete before I die.
1. Learn to fly an airplane
2. Sexual reassignment surgery
Maybe I shouldn't be discredited so often.
If your parents were socially liberal and therefore accepted your choice, but we're fiscally conservative and therefore decided not to pay for the expensive surgeon how would you feel?


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> Well there are two side quests I'd like to complete before I die.
> 1. Learn to fly an airplane
> 2. Sexual reassignment surgery
> 
> Maybe I shouldn't be discredited so often.


Fascinating (I'm sorry for my reservation), I wish you luck on both and you're always welcome to ask for help and advice 

Have you already considered visiting a Gender Therapist? If you want I could find you one in your state 




Grandmaster Yoda said:


> If your parents were socially liberal and therefore accepted your choice, but we're fiscally conservative and therefore decided not to pay for the expensive surgeon how would you feel?


In that case I'd have my family right now and have had SRS (because their finances had NOTHING to do with me getting SRS). Also in such a situation most likely I'd have been a completely different person.


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## flummoxed (Jun 29, 2015)

I'm a little intrigued by the fact that you accept the likelihood that your transexuality is the result of brain damage. While this would still mean you were born a girl since the damage happened as a fetus it would also mean that you were at one point entirely male. If the damage had occur just a little later you would have in fact be born male and then became female later in life. That would contradict the point many transexuals make that they were always the opposite gender. It would also mean you are 100% genetically male (as opposed to someone with an androgen insensitivity disorder who could conceivably pass on their transexuality to their children). I'd like to explore how this fact affects your views on identity and personal responsibility. 

1. Do you think that having an obvious medical issue gives a person a stronger claim to their new identity than a person with idiopathic transexuality. 

2. Do you think all transexuals have a physical defect or disorder which causes them to be transexual and science simply hasn't found them all yet, or do you think some people become transexuals due to the environment in which they were raised?

3. Broadening this out to other mental disorders, how do you think the cause affects a person's identity and personal responsibility? For instance there was a case of a woman having sex with underage boys where it was found she had a cancerous tumor in her frontal lobe damaging her impulse control. Is she more or less of a sexual predator than a person who became a pedophile after being molested ad a child? How do they compare to someone who is a pedophile for no identifiable reason? What (if any) hierarchy exists in your view between nature, nurture and unidentified cause when it comes to whether or not we identify a person with a specific label or allow them to pick a label for themselves?

4. What other mental disorders do you think deserve acceptance by society and which ones do you think don't? Presumably a good dividing line would be between those which hurt other people and those which don't right? Do you think your experiences have caused you to be more accepting of all people? 

5. Do you think a person's identity can ever give them an excuse for leniency or even a free pass around some laws? Not including trivial laws like what gender you circle on a form; I'm talking criminal laws.

6. Kind of a silly question, but there are obvious switches in our genetics and development associated with male and female which gives transexuality some obvious medical validity. How to people who identify as cats and stuff like that justify their beliefs and do you think they deserve are right and deserve acceptance (or maybe deserve it even IF they are deluded)?


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## Metalize (Dec 18, 2014)

Does it actually contradict it though, if they have indeed identified with a certain gender for as long as they were cognizant...? It doesn't really matter if the brain changed through nature or damage, if it's already been formed a certain way and the resulting issues could be easier remedied with gender reassignment/re-socialization than trying to put their brain back the right away... which has a very low of rate of success, to my knowledge.


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## flummoxed (Jun 29, 2015)

Metasentient said:


> Does it actually contradict it though, if they have indeed identified with a certain gender for as long as they were cognizant...? It doesn't really matter if the brain changed through nature or damage, if it's already been formed a certain way and the resulting issues could be easier remedied with gender reassignment/re-socialization than trying to put their brain back the right away... which has a very low of rate of success, to my knowledge


Correct, it has no effect on the results, only on the political narrative such as how strongly people advocate for the fact that homosexuality is innate even when there are scientifically proven early childhood development causes for it. I'm interested in understanding the FACTS about the condition, not the political spin associated with it.

I guess the other question is if it has been possible to reactivate the damaged part of your brain and make you male (assuming that would actually work) would you have chosen that course of action over sexual reassignment surgery? In other words would you have chosen to be a fully functioning man over a not entirely functional woman?


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

Thank you for sharing and I hope that this can help bring more awareness and acceptance of diversity in people.

As for the question, I'm curious of one thing. You (and other people/video/article) mentioned that you already knew when you were little, that you felt different from the biologically assigned gender and felt it as very wrong. Can you describe in more detail how did you feel/know it? I mean, I remember when I was a kid (I'm not transgender), I used to do some boy stuffs too like playing with their toys, climbing and running around, even got into some light fights with classmates, but I didn't exactly feel strong about my gender. Maybe I was not as "compliant/aware" of the gender expectations as my classmates back then (others seemed more girly/boyish), I'm not sure, but it just felt that at least in my younger days (elementary/primary schools), my gender identity was not too "highlighted". Aside of going to the right toilets, maybe te caretakers from school and my parents were pretty "gender neutral", as in we played with whatever toys we wanted for example (although the majority would tend to play with the toys of their genders, but we often played together too boys and girls).
(maybe also being a woman myself, me playing with boys toys is also not as noticeable as boys playing with girl toys?)

How was the cultural and social environment where you grew up, when it comes to kids and their gender expectations?

(sorry that my question is not too clear, I'm not sure how to put what I want to ask right now into words)


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## Kiawaki (May 5, 2015)

flummoxed said:


> ... when there are scientifically proven early childhood development causes for it.


Exactly how and where is this scientifically proven?

If this was true, I don't think I would have had a homosexual cat (and I did).
Homosexuality exists in animal world, too.

@AesSidhe, sorry if I'm off topic on your thread.


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

Has the hormone therapy changed your personality?

Other than changes related to you feeling generally happier. I mean on a chemical level.


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## flummoxed (Jun 29, 2015)

Kiawaki said:


> Exactly how and where is this scientifically proven?


The degree to which a trait is due to genetics or environment is proven using twin studies.



Kiawaki said:


> If this was true, I don't think I would have had a homosexual cat (and I did).
> Homosexuality exists in animal world, too.


Not really sure what this example is supposed to prove since cats are higher level mammals with personalities of their own which result from a combination of their genetics and environment just like humans.

Create a new thread if you want to discuss further.


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

flummoxed said:


> I'm a little intrigued by the fact that you accept the likelihood that your transexuality is the result of brain damage. While this would still mean you were born a girl since the damage happened as a fetus it would also mean that you were at one point entirely male. If the damage had occur just a little later you would have in fact be born male and then became female later in life. That would contradict the point many transexuals make that they were always the opposite gender. It would also mean you are 100% genetically male (as opposed to someone with an androgen insensitivity disorder who could conceivably pass on their transexuality to their children). I'd like to explore how this fact affects your views on identity and personal responsibility.


Now the interesting thing and I'm going to throw it openly out there: "I'm not MOST transgender people" (and this is exactly why so many doctors, did so many tests and experiments on me, because my very existence gave them more understanding in these issues: at the cost of me) even though in this topic I will in my best capacity talk for the whole community. I'm an extremely rare case, so rare, with such a specific condition that in Belgium I was actually bullied by the transgender community, which made me cut myself off from transgender people and which made me avoid transgender people AT ALL COST (this avoiding has only ended about 3 weeks ago since I arrived in Brisbane and the Drag Queens in the local gay club made me find pride to be me). This for a very long time made me quite radical (so some people on this forum used to call me a 'True Scum' = Transgender person with radical ideas of who is and isn't a true transgender person)

Now when talking about the 100% male or not, we might say that this MIGHT have been the case, but we won't be sure until we make a clone of me that isn't born with the brain damage. (please make this possible, I'd love to raise a non-brain damaged version of me, ooooh and to make the experiment more complete lets create a second clone who's given extra estrogen as a fetus so she develops as a girl, that way we see how a male and female version of me without brain damage grow up and identify  ) Who knows maybe my transsexuality is even deeper than the brain damage. The answer is, we can't give a conclusive answer, because we can't see that what if world, but I'd love to do that experiment with clones of mine to find out .

People with androgen insensitivity disorder are not transgender, they are intersexed and they can pass on their intersexed status (if they're fertile), because their intersex is in their genes 



flummoxed said:


> 1. Do you think that having an obvious medical issue gives a person a stronger claim to their new identity than a person with idiopathic transexuality.


I'm not a True Scum anymore and I've come to accept and love all transgender people. Although I have a hard time taking people without ANY dysphoria serious, *but this is a personal opinion* (The answer is: I used to be of this opinion) 



flummoxed said:


> 2. Do you think all transexuals have a physical defect or disorder which causes them to be transexual and science simply hasn't found them all yet, or do you think some people become transexuals due to the environment in which they were raised?


My personal case as said before is extremely rare, so rare even that the transgender community bullied me for it. Why did they bully me? Because of exactly the first 2 questions you ask me here: it made them have to redefine themselves, which was scary and so it was easier to remove me, instead of embracing me. But the truth is that all transgender people do have different brains, but these aren't physical defects or disorders, it's just how their brains are wired, and we shouldn't label them with words like defect or disorder. Some people are wired better to do mathematics, others are wired to be better at languages, and others are just wired to be girls (xDDDD)



flummoxed said:


> 3. Broadening this out to other mental disorders, how do you think the cause affects a person's identity and personal responsibility? For instance there was a case of a woman having sex with underage boys where it was found she had a cancerous tumor in her frontal lobe damaging her impulse control. Is she more or less of a sexual predator than a person who became a pedophile after being molested ad a child? How do they compare to someone who is a pedophile for no identifiable reason? What (if any) hierarchy exists in your view between nature, nurture and unidentified cause when it comes to whether or not we identify a person with a specific label or allow them to pick a label for themselves?


As shown with Doctor Money his (failed) experiment we know it's Nature > unidentified cause > Nurture. Nature plays the biggest role when it comes to this, this is exactly why the experiment failed. Even though David Reimer had lost his penis during a bodged circumcision as a baby and even though his parents raised him as a normal girl, he still identified as male, wanted to do male hobbies, male activities, hated dresses, wanted to wear boy cloths, and openly identified via his meta-physical "Mental Road Map of the Body" that he didn't want a vagina but a penis.

In the case of the woman with the tumor, it doesn't make her more or less of a sexual predator, but she also doesn't belong in a normal prison, but rather in a mental institute, since her actions weren't her own, because she was impaired by the tumor. The same for the person who got molested himself, he might actually have more benefit being put in a mental institute where he can be helped with his trauma, that way attempting to reintegrate him in society. A person who commits this crime without having been raped, or has a tumor or whatever other reason, does belong in a normal prison.



flummoxed said:


> 4. What other mental disorders do you think deserve acceptance by society and which ones do you think don't? Presumably a good dividing line would be between those which hurt other people and those which don't right? Do you think your experiences have caused you to be more accepting of all people?


Give me a list of disorders you want me to talk about and I'll go over them one by one. 

Yes, I've become very accepting of all people, that's exactly why I can talk in such a calm way in these topics 



flummoxed said:


> 5. Do you think a person's identity can ever give them an excuse for leniency or even a free pass around some laws? Not including trivial laws like what gender you circle on a form; I'm talking criminal laws.


No, but they also shouldn't go to normal prisons, they should go to specialized centers where they can be helped and where they try to reintegrate them into society, if possible.



flummoxed said:


> 6. Kind of a silly question, but there are obvious switches in our genetics and development associated with male and female which gives transexuality some obvious medical validity. How to people who identify as cats and stuff like that justify their beliefs and do you think they deserve are right and deserve acceptance (or maybe deserve it even IF they are deluded)?


In general I believe (but this is my personal believe) that everyone who is a functional, contributing member of society should be accepted and loved. Transgender people work, can take care of children, are part of the economy, etc etc so they aren't a liability to society. 

(Now I need to NOT start laughing while writing this) If you can train one of those people who thinks they're a dog, to be a defense or attack dog and use them like a police dog or guard dog than why not. I'm sure a criminal would be totally mind fucked if they had a naked human on all fours sniff their crotch and ass xDDDDDDD (ok I failed at the not laughing part)

Now you can of course say: "But if you judge acceptance based on functionality aren't you against people with more severe disabilities, who for example can't move, are stuck at the age of 3, etc?" And this is why we should categorize people in 2 big groups:

1: People with a minor-'disability' that doesn't impair them in being functional members of society
2: People with a major-disability that impairs them in being a functional member of society

Group 1: I personally don't see being transgender as a disability, that's why I put it between '...', but people in this category are highly functional members in society and can be perfectly normal contributors to society. These people often learn at a young age to hide their handicap (like me: there's only one thing I've never learned to hide, which is placing my right foot inwards, which makes me shake my ass a lot xDDD) and often the public will never find out something is wrong with them.

Group 2: Are impaired in such a significant way that they can't be (fully) functional members of society. Sometimes special work places are set up for them which is a very good initiative. They too deserve love and acceptance of society, not because they're functional members of society, but because their un-functionality isn't their own fault, they are the victim of their handicap, and as parents, brothers and sisters, as friends we should love them for who they are.

So yes, lets invest some money and research into those people who think they're animals: test, scan and study their brains and we'll know if something is different about them (like is the case with transgender people). And if their brains really ARE different we need to find a way to give them a respectful place in the World


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

flummoxed said:


> I guess the other question is if it has been possible to reactivate the damaged part of your brain and make you male (assuming that would actually work) would you have chosen that course of action over sexual reassignment surgery? In other words would you have chosen to be a fully functioning man over a not entirely functional woman?


About 12 years ago I asked myself this exact question and I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't have taken the 'cure', because it would fundamentally rewire my brains, changing my personality in such a way, that I'd actually kill myself and the person that came out the 'cure' would be someone totally different, even though they'd have all my memories. The person that I am right now, the person with the brain damage, the person who has differently wired brains than other people has the right to live, and that's something I've come to accept and love


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

The genetic factors behind homosexuality are in dispute, but the more recent study discrediting that claim was directed by a Christian writer and has been questioned for methodological reasons.. I'd be wary.


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

AriesLilith said:


> Thank you for sharing and I hope that this can help bring more awareness and acceptance of diversity in people.
> 
> As for the question, I'm curious of one thing. You (and other people/video/article) mentioned that you already knew when you were little, that you felt different from the biologically assigned gender and felt it as very wrong. Can you describe in more detail how did you feel/know it?


At that young age I had never ever even seen a girl naked before, and yet through that meta-physical "Mental Road Map of the Body" I instinctively KNEW that that thing didn't belong there. I tried to push it back into my body, pulled it all the way back and pulled my underwear up really tight, just so I wouldn't see it, tried to cut it off as described before, etc. In those initial stages of kindergarten when they tried to force me to go to boy toilets, I just couldn't be there, I wasn't a boy, I didn't belong there. It's very hard to explain, the emotions, the feelings, the knowledge it's so pure and primordial that it just comes over you like a tidal wave and you have no control over it. You just KNOW you're a girl, and I know that sounds weird and extreme and hard to understand, and I'm sorry that I can't give a better explanation about this.



AriesLilith said:


> I mean, I remember when I was a kid (I'm not transgender), I used to do some boy stuffs too like playing with their toys, climbing and running around, even got into some light fights with classmates, but I didn't exactly feel strong about my gender. Maybe I was not as "compliant/aware" of the gender expectations as my classmates back then (others seemed more girly/boyish), I'm not sure, but it just felt that at least in my younger days (elementary/primary schools), my gender identity was not too "highlighted". Aside of going to the right toilets, maybe te caretakers from school and my parents were pretty "gender neutral", as in we played with whatever toys we wanted for example (although the majority would tend to play with the toys of their genders, but we often played together too boys and girls).
> (maybe also being a woman myself, me playing with boys toys is also not as noticeable as boys playing with girl toys?)


Maybe this is where we should draw a line between transsexual people and other people of the transgender umbrella? (other people who are part of the umbrella correct me if I'm wrong  ) Maybe in general Transsexual people will get these feelings and signals as early as early childhood, because they can't identify with the sex they were born as, while people who are not transsexual but who are part of the transgender umbrella start getting their first signals and feelings at an age when gender starts to really become binary?



AriesLilith said:


> How was the cultural and social environment where you grew up, when it comes to kids and their gender expectations?


My mom was very extreme when it came to the gender binary: I want 2 earrings, mom tells me I can only have 1 earring but only in the ear acceptable for boys. I want long hair, mom allows it, but only a mullet. I want to learn to ride a horse, mom doesn't allow it, because horses are for girls and instead sends me to Judo classes. I want to not wear my hair in ponytail to look more like the other girls --> my mom beats the crap out of me. Etc

Also as noted before I was raised in certain circles that have certain gender expectations, which often left me day dreaming to be just like the other girls in their beautiful gala dresses, prancing over the red carpet as we went to opera, ballet, musical or theater To have men take my coat, hold my hand as they gracefully toke me to my seat *dreams* Ohhh well I'll never again be a part of that World *sighs*



AriesLilith said:


> (sorry that my question is not too clear, I'm not sure how to put what I want to ask right now into words)


That's okay, as you see, I don't always know how to answer a question myself. Ooooh and thank you for the question


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Neverontime said:


> Has the hormone therapy changed your personality?
> 
> Other than changes related to you feeling generally happier. I mean on a chemical level.


Well thanks to my mother her social conditioning through abuse, I was unable to cry. When I started taking hormones and they started having effect suddenly all those emotions, all those feelings, they all came rushing in, and I cried and cried and cried, and it was an AMAZING feeling DD

Also do you remember your early puberty, the completely new rush of hormones, how it made you cranky, bitchy, emotional, etc etc? That's exactly the same with transgender people. They literately start a second puberty and they go through all those same stages as any other teenager. So hormonaly speaking I'm about 17 now. And just like everyone after x-amount of time you start to get used to your hormones, you learn to live with it, and you learn to keep 'side effects' under control, which is a part of growing up as a teenager 

Ask any female to male what testosterone did to them, and they'll tell you it made them EXTREMELY horny xDDDDDD


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

For the record and this might be interesting to everyone. Yes, I myself can still experience attacks of dysphoria. Especially if 'friends' on facebook are like: "Ohhhh look I found this article that might be interesting to you" and then sends me this article of a transgender woman who's super pretty (and yet started older than me, could afford plastic surgery I can't afford, etc etc). My biggest sin in life is the green sin: Jealousy. It's not because I'm trans, that I'm interested in every single trans article out there.

For the record: That was a vent about something a 'friend' just did to me on facebook ...

Edit: But maybe it isn't dysphoria, but just normal jealousy, like many other (cis) woman


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

I am sorry for your abusive upbringing. 

I will not pretend to fully understand it all. But I cannot imagine as a parent treating my child in such a manner. I am glad you shared your story. I do not think it will be all that effective with the extreme nut jobs against any LGBT. But I do think that your sharing that will help people more in the middle like myself understand, as well as just help reassure those younger who can relate to you that it can be & get better.


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

@Entropic You're welcome to answer general questions and questions directed at you and about FtMs 

Please do keep the topic open and friendly. I don't want anyone to feel like they're unwelcome or should be scared to ask their questions. As you might have noticed I even let people openly judge me and will answer them with the same kindness and gentleness as I answer everyone else 

And I agree with transsexuality (or certain forms of transsexuality) most likely being an intersexed condition, that's how I('ve) experience(d) myself (for a while), but then I saw videos of intersexed people and I saw how angry they became at transsexual people wanting to be called a form of intersexed, just to be more accepted by society, and so since intersexed people seem to despise this, I stopped doing it


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

AesSidhe said:


> @Entropic You're welcome to answer general questions and questions directed at you and about FtMs
> 
> Please do keep the topic open and friendly. I don't want anyone to feel like they're unwelcome or should be scared to ask their questions. As you might have noticed I even let people openly judge me and will answer them with the same kindness and gentleness as I answer everyone else
> 
> And I agree with transsexuality (or certain forms of transsexuality) most likely being an intersexed condition, that's how I('ve) experience(d) myself (for a while), but then I saw videos of intersexed people and I saw how angry they became at transsexual people wanting to be called a form of intersexed, just to be more accepted by society, and so since intersexed people seem to despise this, I stopped doing it


Sure. But I don't see why this should include having people making shifty statements that may lead to specific conclusions about what it means to be trans and accept it without judgement. I'll correct people if they are factually incorrect or are making erroneous deductions. 

And yes, I am aware that there's a big rife between intersex and the transgender movements. IS has every right to feel angry because it's so extremely excluded from the LGBT movement as a whole; even non-binary is more accepted in this regard.


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Entropic said:


> Sure. But I don't see why this should include having people making shifty statements that may lead to specific conclusions about what it means to be trans and accept it without judgement. I'll correct people if they are factually incorrect or are making erroneous deductions.
> 
> And yes, I am aware that there's a big rife between intersex and the transgender movements. IS has every right to feel angry because it's so extremely excluded from the LGBT movement as a whole; even non-binary is more accepted in this regard.


If you'd like to talk about things outside of the scope of what AesSidhe is saying within the thread, it may be better for organizational purposes to make a thread of your own. She has a bit of an idea on what she'd like in her thread and I feel it's respectful to not derail from it.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

AesSidhe said:


> @sweetraglansweater Thank you for your amazing long post and for sharing parts of your own life
> 
> I'm going to reply with a sense of humor if you don't mind, it's a (healthy) way of dealing with the past
> 
> ...


Education and knowledge is rarely a bad thing. Being pressured to perform and be perfect is an expectation no child should live up to, regardless of the offering given.



> As far as my personal knowledge goes there are no specific pacts with certain entities, but my mom often described her father as a demon, which makes her a half-demon, and me a quarter-demon. The fact that I was groomed to be his 'successor' actually makes this a very scary idea. It must be noted though that my mom is (almost) never right, and that whatever she knew about what her father did behind the 'stage', she only knew from hearsay.


I find it fascinating she was brutalized by her own father and yet sought to make you like him, or make you "fill his shoes." This seems to be in line with the grooming my mother had for me as well in terms of trying to get me to "relive" some kind of generational pattern, despite the obvious negative implications.



> I am and identify as a girl. I transitioned and had my surgery 5 years ago, and I've never regretted it and will never regret it. I'm a happy, outgoing, bubbly, tranquil girl, who's at peace. Just today people told me that I have the energy/aura of an enlightened monk who found the truth of life, which made her at peace and tranquil.


I'm glad you're happy. Nothing beats that.



> Yes, my mother tortured me, but I forgive her, for she herself was abused as a child herself. Her father used to beat her up, throw knifes and shoot with a gun at her. Which made her feel weak and she fought back in a similar way like you did. She wanted to have nothing to do with femininity, she rejected her femininity, cut her hair short, hated girls and women with a passion (except for her mother), only played, hung out and partied with guys (who saw her as one of the guys), etc. This hate towards femininity even goes so deep that she does accept (masculine) gay men (her best friend is gay), but she hates lesbians and bisexual people with a passion. Of course this doesn't justify her behavior in any way and I hope that my two brothers can free themselves from the cycle of abuse and won't pass it on to their children.
> 
> You might wonder: "Why do you forgive her?" and my answer is essentially "Why shouldn't I?". I forgive my mother, because there's no point in being angry at her, or hating her, for these are negative emotions directed at the past, that gives the past the power to control the present. It is best to forgive and let go, which frees you of that pain in the past and allows you to live in the present. The past is behind us, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is now, and the now is beautiful


I'm not in wonder at your forgiveness. I wonder how you coped with being abused. I want to hear more about that journey.



> If it was a coping method (in case my brain damage isn't the main player, which most likely it is) it actually wasn't a good one, because the coping method actually got me in MORE trouble with my mom. A better coping method would have been to go all out masculine behavior and give my mom what she wanted, but this isn't what I did, instead I was bullied for wanting barbies (a truth I never talked about, but my brothers could FEEL it), was called an 'icky girl' by boys in elementary school, and was called 'gay' in middle school.


I disagree. Allow me to clarify, while my theory doesn't fit your case I think it's a pretty intuitive coping method to go the opposite way of what a parent is beating into you. It's a common story, both for myself and many others. For instance, I have a Korean friend who was beaten (literally) by his mom every night if he got his math problems wrong. The motivation for her beatings: she wanted him to study harder, get good grades, go to a good school. He is perfectly smart but the result is now he refuses to work, he flunked out of school repeatedly, he has 0 motivation to study anything or do anything that doesn't give him immediate gratification. In his case, her beatings had the opposite intended effect. There's a popular saying among parents "don't make 'em hate what you love by forcing 'em to love it." The reversal is common enough it happens on many platforms of parenting. It may not have been your case but I think it's valid to assume at least some trans people out there had their gender beaten out of them, just like many kids out there have sports or school beaten out of them.




> But luckily I escaped the abuse and I'm so happy I can live as my authentic self now


I'm truly glad that you are happy. You are lucky to have escaped and that is testament to a strong character. I take bone with your phrase "Can live as my authentic self." I don't know what you are reffering to but if you mean that surgery has enabled you to authentic I'd like to ask how kids around the world who have no means or access to afford surgery will be able to reach your level of authenticity? I just think it's really, really materalistic to equate authenticity and happiness with a before and after event that cost lots of money and requires upkeep. 

I don't have a problem with you doing what you want to your body. I'm a strong liberatrian and if you wanted to hack your leg off I'd look at you like you were cray but I'd be the first to defend your right to buy a leg hacking. What I have a problem with is equating self-actualization and the benefits of that actualization (happiness, identity & authenticity) with a cosmetic enhancement. It's the equivalent of a 40 yr old bald man buying a car and saying that it makes him "feel more powerful." I won't deny it makes him feel better, but the quality of that kind of contentment is dubious. 

Again, I could be wrong on how you meant to phrase that sentence. I'm certainly willing to be wrong about what you meant since I can't actually tell what's going on in your head.



> This is a sad and horrible truth, I used to have almost no self worth if any at all. I used to tell people: "If I have no self worth, I can sacrifice myself to help my friends and loved ones, because through my sacrifice no worth is lost, yet the worth of my friends has been saved." and then one day someone told me: "But because you take such care of your friends, they instill worth into you, you aren't worthless, for your friends care a lot about you." This made me wake up of the illusion of being 'worthless', which triggered the event that made me feel like a hypocrite, which led to the '3 suicides'-event at the age of 18 (as described in the story of my life), which made me wake up from the illusion.


Do you base your worth in helping your friends? I'm sorry, this part was a little unclear for me. I'm sorry about the suicides, btw. I've lost two best friends to suicide and their losses were most tragic thing that's happen in my life thus far.



> Ok I'm going to openly write some things (things that practically deserve their own topic or sub-forum) and anyone with a skeptical mind *please stop reading here* as I won't be scientifically analyzing the following events in this reply (I always try to explain everything with science myself, so I'm very critical when it comes to the things I've experienced and seen, but I won't do this in this reply). I grew up in a house that was about 130-140 years old, and it had a very high ... energy value. When we were younger me and my little brother used to share the same room (we had bunk beds) and often he'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming. I'd wake up and ask him what was wrong, trying to calm him down, and he'd tell me a Shadow was standing over his bed and that the world had grown cold and moved in slow motion. Whenever this happened I'd come out of my bed and walk to the spot in the room where he saw the Shadow, which made it vanish. That was the most frequent thing that happened but on some nights he'd wake up screaming and he'd tell me that the walls had red glowing eyes. When this happened I'd ask him about his day, and tell him about my day, and tried to cheer him up, giving him my positive energy and taking his negative energy upon myself. When he finally fell asleep, the room would start spinning around me, all the walls had red glowing eyes and blood ran from the eyes. During the day he'd sometimes also see or feel entities (I could feel them too and in extreme situations I could also see them, but I blocked my gift out of my system, which has mostly blinded me to this very day) and then I'd do the same thing as I would at night, talk to him about it and then go to the exact location where he saw or felt it. As a teen my 2 best girl friends (who were sisters) were Wicca witches who performed spirit summonings, but whenever I asked them if I could join them, they told me that I could NEVER be part of a summoning, but they didn't tell me why. Years later I met a former Wicca witch who told me that the rules don't allow her to tell me, but that she had left that life behind her and so was going to tell me anyway: the reason, she said, why my teen friends didn't allow me to join them is because my aura is as big as a room and is pulsing, which, she said, makes me an extremely powerful Medium, and when untrained this could have devastating effects. So she told me to OR train it and use it for good, or lock it away forever. At the same time I spend time talking to the local Priest, to the Guru at the Krishna Temple and to the head monk of the Buddhist temple in my village, and all 3 said something similar as my friend had told me. The Catholic priest told me that he had never felt an energy like mine before, he told me that it was like a shard/part of God was inside of me. The Guru at the Krishna temple told me that looking at me, was like looking at Krishna, and that for sure I was an Avatar of Krishna. And the Head Monk at the Buddhist temple told me that my energy was so radiant that there was only one option, in my previous life I had been a Bodhisattva. Connected with this it's fascinating to note the following thing. When I moved to the attic my little brother stopped seeing the Shadow in his room, instead it wandered in the hallway connected to the stairs to the attic and when I left the house my dad told me that my little brother stopped seeing and feeling Shadows and other entities altogether, which means that they were, as my friend told me, connected to me, because I'm like a fire in the darkness that attracts the moths. To this very day strangers approach me totally unproved and totally unasked to ask me if I trained/developed my gift and/or they can help me train it. But I always decline their offers, because I want to keep it locked away. This is of course only a limited version of events, other things that happened was a radio that started playing on their own (with a creepy song about dead people), windows opening and closing themselves, a reported poltergeist on the attic when my big brother still lived there, a 'book with all the answers' that predicted someone their imminent death, etc.


It doesn't surprise me that you and your family endured these kind of bizarre events and attacks: that's pretty typical in occult-linked families. I had an entity attack me as a child. The entity began to physically assault me when I hit menarche. It would materialize and strangle me in the night, between midnight and 2am. It was huge, non-human size, about 10 ft tall and 4ft wide in the shoulders, a terrible beast that looked like a creature of experimentation. My mother somehow 'knew' about it because she would come in shortly after the entity was done and accuse me of summoning it and doing horrible things. The entity had enough power and chutzpah to materialize in front several people at once (among family members and occasionally attack infront of close friends). The entity also could influence people remotely and those who became influenced by it took on his habits and mannerisms. Namely, I've been assaulted by people who did the exact same style of assault: throttling me by the throat among other things. 

I also would be attacked by a fire entity which also attacked my brother, as well as a serpent who would coil around us and attack our aural boundary. My brother went through severe, severe attacks as a teen and adult and began pyromancy (fire magic) which resulted in him being severely drained and physically unwell. 

In desperation I saw a Jewish shaman and a shamanic witch who helped cut the ties with them. They questioned the beast and as it turned out he had been conjured by one of my great-great grandfathers (who was a Kaballist mage for the court of the Emperor of Mexico), chained in service to my family and never released. Naturally he was angry for not being released back to death and in turn began torturing the women of our line for generations. When I asked my mother about this she knew immediately to what I was referring to as she had been visited by the beast as a girl and woman. She thought it had stopped visiting her because it left but it had actually begun to attack me. It would have been passed down mother-to-daughter until it was peaceful given rest. I was able to release the beast with help and send his soul back to Paradise. The beast forgave me and I forgave him and he is at rest now.. Such is the consequence of necromancy: the sin is visited upon the children.

This will sound offensive to you but unlike the religious people who think that transgenderism and homosexuality is part of a "master plan by reptiles" to destroy humanity I think this: that transgenderism and sexual anomalies (because let's face it, you and I as queer folk are anomalies from the norm ) are a symptomatic of the human races spiritual breakdown. When I say "spiritual" I don't mean some religious shit, I'm referring to our interaction as individuals, a species and thought-group to the Sephirot. I'd elaborate but we've already diverted this thread enough. 



> I didn't do it for another, I did it for myself, which has actually increased my spiritual awareness, and many transgender people actually experience this same thing: Transition actually makes them more spiritual and more aware of the World


What do you mean by "spiritually aware"? I don't know you very well so I don't want to assume.

sry this post was poorly written. Had a 10hr work day and threadbare sleep for the past few days


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

sweetraglansweater said:


> Education and knowledge is rarely a bad thing. Being pressured to perform and be perfect is an expectation no child should live up to, regardless of the offering given.


Indeed, perfection can't be asked of a child, it can't even be asked of an adult, so this puts too much pressure on a child that's still developing 



sweetraglansweater said:


> I find it fascinating she was brutalized by her own father and yet sought to make you like him, or make you "fill his shoes." This seems to be in line with the grooming my mother had for me as well in terms of trying to get me to "relive" some kind of generational pattern, despite the obvious negative implications.


It's typical behavior of people who were abused themselves and didn't come to the active realization that what happened to them is fundamentally wrong. This way they continue the circle of abuse and the only way of breaking this circle is by coming to the realization that the abuse they experienced as a child was fundamentally wrong, this way breaking with the past.



sweetraglansweater said:


> I'm not in wonder at your forgiveness. I wonder how you coped with being abused. I want to hear more about that journey.


It was more a form of acceptance. We all permanently knew that my mom was a ticking time bomb, and that when she'd get overstressed from work, that she'd beat me up. You could actually see it coming, because around the dinner table the only thing my mom EVER talked about was work and how horrible work was, so you could slowly see her go down that hill over the weeks, until you knew she had reached that point that she had to beat it out of her system. Even though we all knew about it, there was also a silent pact to never talk about it. Once I talked about it with her best friend and he told me: "I know it happens, and I know it's horrible, but for her own mental health you should never bring it up or never tell anyone about it, because it'll only make her more unstable." He also told me that she wasn't actively aware of what she did, and that bringing it up would shock her in such an extreme way, that it might actually make her worse. Very sometimes I couldn't deal with, especially if it was for extremely stupid things (for the record, I was programmed to see her stress from work as VERY serious, and her beating me up for it; as that what was necessary ...), and what's an extremely stupid thing for example? Once I by accident scratched open a pimple on my back, and it started bleeding and it left a stain on my t-shirt, my mom went mental and started yelling at me and started beating me. This situation was so ABSURD that I stood up for myself and told her to hit me more and harder if she really thought that beating me up over a pimple and blood was a logical escalation of the situation. This actually made her back down and she told me to go to my room and not show my face for the rest of the weekend.

But yea, in general how I dealt with it was via 2 ways: Acceptance, and enjoying life outside of the family (school, friends, going to the park or forest, disappearing into the internet, etc)



sweetraglansweater said:


> I disagree. Allow me to clarify, while my theory doesn't fit your case I think it's a pretty intuitive coping method to go the opposite way of what a parent is beating into you. It's a common story, both for myself and many others. For instance, I have a Korean friend who was beaten (literally) by his mom every night if he got his math problems wrong. The motivation for her beatings: she wanted him to study harder, get good grades, go to a good school. He is perfectly smart but the result is now he refuses to work, he flunked out of school repeatedly, he has 0 motivation to study anything or do anything that doesn't give him immediate gratification. In his case, her beatings had the opposite intended effect. There's a popular saying among parents "don't make 'em hate what you love by forcing 'em to love it." The reversal is common enough it happens on many platforms of parenting. It may not have been your case but I think it's valid to assume at least some trans people out there had their gender beaten out of them, just like many kids out there have sports or school beaten out of them.


But more and more children and teens are coming out in loving and accepting families who have never been abused, or had their gender beaten out of them, and kids like Jazz Jennings who come out of the closet as early as 18 months didn't even experience gender based nurturing yet (and Jazz has 2 older brothers and 1 older sister, so it's not like she was feminized by an overexposure to feminine things). Being transgender has a real physical component which can be seen when studying the brains of transgender people, and these transgender brains are what create the meta-physical "Mental Road Map of the Body" that tells them there's something not right with their body  (this does not mean that some people don't get it beaten out of them, and this is exactly why a real life test of a year is so important, because if they're not really transgender the real life test will make this very very clear and all those repressed feelings will come bubbling up)



sweetraglansweater said:


> I'm truly glad that you are happy. You are lucky to have escaped and that is testament to a strong character. I take bone with your phrase "Can live as my authentic self." I don't know what you are reffering to but if you mean that surgery has enabled you to authentic I'd like to ask how kids around the world who have no means or access to afford surgery will be able to reach your level of authenticity? I just think it's really, really materalistic to equate authenticity and happiness with a before and after event that cost lots of money and requires upkeep.
> 
> I don't have a problem with you doing what you want to your body. I'm a strong liberatrian and if you wanted to hack your leg off I'd look at you like you were cray but I'd be the first to defend your right to buy a leg hacking. What I have a problem with is equating self-actualization and the benefits of that actualization (happiness, identity & authenticity) with a cosmetic enhancement. It's the equivalent of a 40 yr old bald man buying a car and saying that it makes him "feel more powerful." I won't deny it makes him feel better, but the quality of that kind of contentment is dubious.
> 
> Again, I could be wrong on how you meant to phrase that sentence. I'm certainly willing to be wrong about what you meant since I can't actually tell what's going on in your head.


My authentic self means that I can express myself as who I am. 99.9% of all people in the World will never see what's inside my pants, so this isn't an active form of expressing my authentic self. My authentic self is my personality, my freedom, my joy, my writing, my speeches, my sharing of love and friendship, my personal fashion and self expression, etc etc 



sweetraglansweater said:


> Do you base your worth in helping your friends? I'm sorry, this part was a little unclear for me. I'm sorry about the suicides, btw. I've lost two best friends to suicide and their losses were most tragic thing that's happen in my life thus far.


I initially thought that I had no worth, than I learned to realize that I did have worth (and the first realization was via friends) and from this I came to the realization and self love that I even had worth disconnected of how other people perceived me. Now I love myself and know that I have a lot of worth 



sweetraglansweater said:


> It doesn't surprise me that you and your family endured these kind of bizarre events and attacks: that's pretty typical in occult-linked families. I had an entity attack me as a child. It began ramping up when I hit menarche and became a Jewish woman (bat mitzvah age). It would materialize and strangle me in the night, between midnight and 2am. It was huge, non-human size, about 10 ft tall and 4ft wide in the shoulders, a terrible beast that looked like a creature of experimentation. My mother somehow 'knew' about it because she would come in shortly after the entity was done and accuse me of summoning it and doing horrible things.
> 
> I also would be attacked by a fire entity which also attacked my brother, as well as a serpent who would coil around us and attack our aural boundary. My brother went through severe, severe attacks as a teen an adult.
> 
> I saw a Jewish shaman and a shamanic witch who helped cut the ties with them since I was struggling to from fear. It turned out the beast had been conjured by one of my great-great grandfathers (who was a Kaballist mage for the court of the Emperor of Mexico) and never released and was angry for not being released and in turn began torturing the women of our line for generations. When I asked my mother about this she knew immediately to what I was referring to as she had been visited by the beast as a girl and woman. She thought it had stopped visiting her because it left but it had actually begun to attack me. It would have been passed down mother-to-daughter until it was peaceful given rest. I was able to release the beast with help and send his soul back to Paradise. Such is the consequence of necromancy: the sin is visited upon the children.


I could talk and listen to this for hours, because your stories fascinate me 



sweetraglansweater said:


> This will sound offensive to you but unlike the religious people who think that transgenderism and homosexuality is part of a "master plan by reptiles" to destroy humanity I think this: that transgenderism and sexual anomalies (because let's face it, you and I as queer folk are anomalies sexually speaking from the form ) are a symptomatic of the human races spiritual breakdown. When I say "spiritual" I don't mean some religious shit, I'm referring to our interaction as individuals, a species and thought-group to the Sephirot I'd say more but we've already diverted this thread enough.


It doesn't offend me, but at the same time I also don't agree, because transgender people have existed in all of history and often filled some of the highest spiritual/religious roles in their cultures. If anything transgender people are a sign of spiritual awakening, for they embody the male and the feminine in one body, that way uniting the One in the same body.

If you want to tell me more about the Sephirot, you're welcome to send it to me in a PM if you want 



sweetraglansweater said:


> What do you mean by "spiritually aware"? I don't know you very well so I don't want to assume.


Many transgender people I've met in real life or online have described an experience where they become more in tune and aware of the World and the Universe and that they experience the unity of it all. Those who come of an Abrahamic background and didn't lose their faith during transition, often describe how they feel closer to God then ever before 

*For the record we should close this sub-topic because it's on the edge of breaching the no-religion rule that I asked for on the first page xDDDD*


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Playful Proxy said:


> If you'd like to talk about things outside of the scope of what AesSidhe is saying within the thread, it may be better for organizational purposes to make a thread of your own. She has a bit of an idea on what she'd like in her thread and I feel it's respectful to not derail from it.


The thread exists for educational purposes, though, so I also think it's very much on point to point out factually incorrect statements. That can still be done in a friendly environment.


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Entropic said:


> The thread exists for educational purposes, though, so I also think it's very much on point to point out factually incorrect statements. That can still be done in a friendly environment.


But you were quite provocative and made your post in such a way that it would have started a debate/fight. The reason why a debate/fight didn't happen is because @flummoxed agrees to not use this topic as a place to debate/fight (and I'm very grateful for this, thank you Flummoxed). This is a mutual agreement and I want to keep this agreement alive, because it creates a peaceful place where people can openly talk and ask questions, while knowing that the topic won't get heated or aggressive, something the trans-community is in HIGH NEED OF. Everywhere online on PerC, Twitter, Youtube, Facebook, etc you see unstable, angry, society-hating trans people who yell at people, insult people, write in all caps, etc etc and people end up thinking all trans-people are these unstable crazy lunatics. It's a serious PR problem the trans community has, and I often find myself cleaning up after them.

To be loved and accepted by society, society needs to realize that we are just normal people, that we enjoy life, can love and be loved, do jobs like anyone else can do a job and that we're just like them. This idea won't happen if transgender people are perceived as angry, society-hating lunatics, who go cray-cray if someone doesn't 100% think like them ...

You are allowed to fix 'factually incorrect statements' as long as you don't attack or provoke other members of PerC into a debate/fight, because most likely the other member will see your corrections as 'factually incorrect' themselves and then will reply with their links, and you'll post your links, and they'll post more links again, while both are shouting at each other. That's what you can use the debate forum for, but I won't have it in here.

And that's the last I'll say about that, because the topic has been derailed for long enough.


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## drmiller100 (Dec 3, 2011)

Cool thread, and I do much appreciate LEARNING. 

If I could offer a FRIENDLY comment (or at minimum a comment sent with a smile and friendly intent), I found humor in MtF wanting peace and friendly folks, and FtM acting more "testosterone like". Perhaps there is stereotyping on my part.....

(smiles!!!)

Again, a great thread, some great stories, and thank you!!!

And, to question assumptions, are the terms "MtF" and "FtM" offensive? if so, my apologies.


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

drmiller100 said:


> Cool thread, and I do much appreciate LEARNING.
> 
> If I could offer a FRIENDLY comment (or at minimum a comment sent with a smile and friendly intent), I found humor in MtF wanting peace and friendly folks, and FtM acting more "testosterone like". Perhaps there is stereotyping on my part.....
> 
> ...


Most people don't generally find them offensive. Worst case if someone is, I guess they'd say something.


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## .17485 (Jan 12, 2011)

If a guy finds a trans gendered woman attractive does that make them gay? I hope it's not offensive. I've seen some transgendered women that look attractive


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

drmiller100 said:


> Cool thread, and I do much appreciate LEARNING.
> 
> If I could offer a FRIENDLY comment (or at minimum a comment sent with a smile and friendly intent), I found humor in MtF wanting peace and friendly folks, and FtM acting more "testosterone like". Perhaps there is stereotyping on my part.....
> 
> ...


Hey we use them ourselves, but you won't ever hear them come up in every day conversations with Cis-People, now if trans-people meet up, you might hear these words MUCH more IF they're talking about trans-topics. But it's not because Trans-people meet up that they're talking about Trans-topics all the time, that only happens if one of them needs to vent xDDDDD

Me and my girlfriend (almost) never talk about trans topics for example  But then I know this other trans-girl here in Brisbane who's like talking about it ALL THE TIME. She's really pessimistic, so she's always complaining about how she looks, how she thinks the World sees her as male, how she wants facial surgery, etc etc. So whenever I meet her, I find myself giving her positive energy, telling her that she is pretty, that people don't see her as male, and that she shouldn't focus on surgery so much, but should just enjoy the now, because the now is amazing enough


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Tega1 said:


> If a guy finds a trans gendered woman attractive does that make them gay? I hope it's not offensive. I've seen some transgendered women that look attractive


No fear, you're still Straight, and me and my girlfriend are still in a Lesbian relationship (I'm Pansexual for the record) DDD


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

Tega1 said:


> If a guy finds a trans gendered woman attractive does that make them gay? I hope it's not offensive. I've seen some transgendered women that look attractive


Nope, doesn't make you gay in the least. My bf is entirely straight. ^^ We've been together for a year so far. He just jokes that the positive is that he doesn't have to worry about birth control or periods.


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## flummoxed (Jun 29, 2015)

AesSidhe said:


> No fear, you're still Straight, and me and my girlfriend are still in a Lesbian relationship (I'm Pansexual for the record) DDD


Must.. resist.. urge.. to.. comment.. :ball:


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

flummoxed said:


> Must.. resist.. urge.. to.. comment.. :ball:


You commented so you failed the urge DDD

And no worries we all know how you feel about it, so it's ok


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

After reading what you've gone through, I'm even more afraid to come out as trans. I'm dehumanized enough as it is.


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Tetsuo Shima said:


> After reading what you've gone through, I'm even more afraid to come out as trans. I'm dehumanized enough as it is.


The chance of my life repeating itself in your life is extremely small. If you're truly trans and feel like transition is your only option in life, then don't let fear of what 'may' happen control your life. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is unknown, but today is now, and today is beautiful


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

pyrrhic victory said:


> Anyways, my question is what's your take on John Oliver's Transgender Rights segment? It focuses mostly on American Trans rights so how is it different from Belgium/Australia?


Update: my girlfriend told me about the Australian system today. When she went to the Gender Clinic there were NO GATE KEEPERS. She met up with the doctor told her that she was interested in transitioning, the doctor asked a few general questions and then she went home with the hormones the very same day. A therapist is optional and advised to talk with about transition based stuff, but not mandatory. The future looks bright for transgender people


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

AesSidhe said:


> But you were quite provocative and made your post in such a way that it would have started a debate/fight. The reason why a debate/fight didn't happen is because @flummoxed agrees to not use this topic as a place to debate/fight (and I'm very grateful for this, thank you Flummoxed). This is a mutual agreement and I want to keep this agreement alive, because it creates a peaceful place where people can openly talk and ask questions, while knowing that the topic won't get heated or aggressive, something the trans-community is in HIGH NEED OF. Everywhere online on PerC, Twitter, Youtube, Facebook, etc you see unstable, angry, society-hating trans people who yell at people, insult people, write in all caps, etc etc and people end up thinking all trans-people are these unstable crazy lunatics. It's a serious PR problem the trans community has, and I often find myself cleaning up after them.
> 
> To be loved and accepted by society, society needs to realize that we are just normal people, that we enjoy life, can love and be loved, do jobs like anyone else can do a job and that we're just like them. This idea won't happen if transgender people are perceived as angry, society-hating lunatics, who go cray-cray if someone doesn't 100% think like them ...
> 
> ...


The solution is simple: trans people are authority on transgender so therefore the information they post is the most valid interpretation in any given moment.


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## flummoxed (Jun 29, 2015)

AesSidhe said:


> Update: my girlfriend told me about the Australian system today. When she went to the Gender Clinic there were NO GATE KEEPERS.


Assuming she is a legal adult why would there be? We had been discussing kids before with regard to a gate keeper.



Entropic said:


> The solution is simple: trans people are authority on transgender so therefore the information they post is the most valid interpretation in any given moment.


Trans people have an obvious bias on trans issues. How about we use facts and science as the authority, not people's feelings.


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## elight (Nov 11, 2014)

Thank you for sharing your story with us, you are brave and strong person, inspiration to us all <3


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## pyrrhic victory (Sep 2, 2015)

AesSidhe said:


> Update: my girlfriend told me about the Australian system today. When she went to the Gender Clinic there were NO GATE KEEPERS. She met up with the doctor told her that she was interested in transitioning, the doctor asked a few general questions and then she went home with the hormones the very same day. A therapist is optional and advised to talk with about transition based stuff, but not mandatory. The future looks bright for transgender people


That's awesome!


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## RyuukoGo (Apr 6, 2015)

1.How has your view of your world changed as you went through the process changing male to female?
Such as did you have no interest in something then are now are passionate about it ...or vis versa....or notice less/more colors..styles...food..tastes..odors and so on


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

RyuukoGo said:


> 1.How has your view of your world changed as you went through the process changing male to female?
> Such as did you have no interest in something then are now are passionate about it ...or vis versa....or notice less/more colors..styles...food..tastes..odors and so on


Now this is a fun question DD

I smell more smells and everything is more intense, you mainly notice this at the start of transition, now that it has been 5 years it's a normal part of life and I have a hard time imagining what it was like before. I just have this amazing memory of me being stunned about how smells suddenly became stronger and more intense, and most shockingly how guys suddenly started smelling nice/attractive DD. The same thing with touch, touch is also more sensitive and intense, and being touched is so much more erotic and sensual. I really love being touched now, it feels so nice (even just your arms you know) ^^

Colors didn't change. I have the 4th cone so that means I see colors as they really are, taking hormones doesn't suddenly turn you from a 3 cone person into a 4 cone person 

I've also always loved spicy exotic/Asian foods and that didn't really change. It's also not like I suddenly couldn't stand spicy any more, I still love it just as much 

Now did my view of the World change? Hmmm that's a complex question, I guess it did, but it takes some thinking to really realize this change of World View, because it has already been 5 years mind you and in 5 years there are many things that change and most of them are non-connected to your gender, but just to the fact of what I did with my life, what I experienced, where I traveled, for who I worked, etc 

But ok the part of my World View that got changed from physically being a girl. As a guy you hear the news, read the papers and find out about cat calling and women being harassed on forums all the time, and you're like: "It probably doesn't happen as much as they claim." But then you end up being a pretty girl yourself and guys stare at you, guys whistle after you, guys walk besides you on the road trying to do small talk and trying to get your number, guys touch you without permission, you walk past a construction side and construction workers start howling after you, etc. At night in certain cities I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking home alone, because I've been sexually harassed and sexually assaulted. Once I was almost raped, luckily a group of girls saved me just in time.

You can ask some of the other trans girls here on the forum for the same confirmation of this next one; After only a few weeks of hormones you feel your (male) sex drive go away and you stop staring at girls (or guys) with lust all the time and that's when you start noticing that guys are staring at you with pure lust all the time. The moment you realize this you're like: "OMG testosterone really made me a beast as a teen!!!" and you start apologizing (mentally) to all the people you ever lusted after as a teen xDDD

Of course as a girl I feel the pressure of the media to be pretty and fashionable, and there's the extra pressure of being Trans, because society and the media their standard of prettiness is even higher for trans-girls than it is for cis-girls. Our public acceptance is based on how pretty we are and that's quite a burden society puts on us. So when walking on the street you'll often find me openly rating and talking about other girls their outfits, what I think about them and like about them. This created the fun situation that most of my girl friends LOVE shopping with me, because I'll get them EXACTLY what looks good on their figure, with their skin color, eye color, etc DD Oooh and don't worry the rating never happens in spite, I only talk about the outfits I like (when I do say something about the things I don't like it's a general statement about the grayness and unoriginality of people)

OMG like totally of topic a few weeks ago I toke my friend Anna shopping, she's quite short so when we came in this one shop and I found this AMAZING skirt (it was black silky, long on one side, short on the other side, and on the top it was like ruffled together a bit) so I told Anna: "OMG Anna help me find an XL or XXL, ok?" and she's like: "Katrien, why an XL or XXL?!!! You're like a small or something." and I'm like: "Just do it, I'll tell you why in a moment." So we found a XL, I grabbed her arm and pulled her along to the dressing chambers, put the skirt in her arms and told her: "Try putting it on as a dress, believe me, it'll be amazing." So she went into the dressing chamber I quickly ran to the accessory rack, toke this fancy belt and 2 bracelets and ran back to her. I then put the belt just above her hips, and put the 2 bracelets on her wrists, and OMG SHE LOOKED SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL. Seriously as a skirt the price was 30 dollar, but as DRESS this was an +100 dollar fancy gala dress, it was amazing. So I called over the 2 girls working in the shop and they were like: "I didn't know we sold a dress that beautiful " so I told them it was actually a skirt and they were like: "Are you like a Fashion Stylist?!!" So I turned all red and was like: "No, no, really I'm not." and they're like: "You should like totally look into it, you'd be good at it." OMG so much ego stroking on one day, I couldn't handle it xDDDD

Ok back to the main question 

Also back when I still had a ... male body people used to come to me for advice on everything; science, their papers, their upcoming public speeches for uni, relationship advice, friendship advice, etc etc. But ever since I transitioned people just see me as a 'stupid' girl, so people expect me to know nothing about science, or how to help them with their papers, or their upcoming public speeches, etc. So if people ask me advice now it's just to ask me about relationship and friendship advice, because girls are stereotyped as knowing nothing about science ... So when they hear me talk about all kinds of sciences in deep details, it often leaves them shocked ... So yea respect for me as a person in general just dropped because of being a girl, instead I became a lust object.

The few people who I have on facebook who knew me 'before' often ask me: "Post more pictures, I want to see more pictures of how pretty you are" it's quite awkward. My very existence seems to be about prettiness for the outside World ...

My personal interests didn't really change, I'm just ably to publicly display all my interests now, which is a freeing experience 

I'll post more if I think of things ok?


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

flummoxed said:


> Trans people have an obvious bias on trans issues. How about we use facts and science as the authority, not people's feelings.


OK, so let's assume there was no "scientific" basis for transsexualism and transsexuals just made it up. What would they gain from that? 
Many of them get bullied mercilessly. In some countries they have to pay for surgery privately and have to save up for years. They might lose all their family and friends and even their job. Even other equal rights movements might marginalize them (such as transphobic radfems etc.). In some countries they will be assaulted and murdered.
Why would they invent a 'condition' (sorry, I can't think of a better word) that they don't have given that there are zero positive consequences of being transsexual?


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

@FlaviaGemina no debating or fighting allowed in the topic. This is a Q&A topic, debates and fights won't be tolerated.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

AesSidhe said:


> @_FlaviaGemina_ no debating or fighting allowed in the topic. This is a Q&A topic, debates and fights won't be tolerated.


Hehe, sorry, I couldn't resist. I did have some questions but I think other people have already asked them.
Interesting thread and I'm sorry you had to go through so much crap in your life.


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## RyuukoGo (Apr 6, 2015)

Very interesting reply..go on with what you started.
Have you also used certain words more such as..adorable..pretty...special...or even uses yes or no more often? 
Do you like writing more and when you see a puppy do you get on your knee's and start playing with it? :happy:


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

RyuukoGo said:


> Very interesting reply..go on with what you started.
> Have also used certain words more such as..adorable..pretty...special...or even uses yes or no more often?
> Do you like writing more and when you see a puppy do you get on your knee's and start playing with it? :happy:


I've always played with puppies when I saw them. I grew up with dogs, cats, chickens, pheasants, rabbits, parrots, pigeons, guinea pigs, etc and it was one of my shores to take care of all of them and clean their cages, so I love animals a lot 

Language is gender based: I always wanted to use those words more and around my girl friends I would, but with my family I couldn't because they wouldn't accept it. So yes, I do use those words more, but mainly because now I'm allowed to use them. Also ever since I live in Australia and made some amazing friends from New Zealand I've incorporated a new word in my vocabulary, mostly used by girls from NZ, which is the word: "Hun" and I love it soooooooooo much ^^

I don't give short answers like 'yes' or 'no', since I'm a story teller. When people ask me something I will often tell a story and the answer is often up to the listener, that way the listener can grow and come to realizations themselves. So yes, I use aesops in every day communication


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## RyuukoGo (Apr 6, 2015)

Are you more of a story teller now and is it easier to say write a 500 word essay describing your favorite restaurant...or even favorite food.
Has your diet also changed as well as the calories you need?


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Tbh though @AesSidhe I think you should try to police people's responses a little so they aren't outright rude or discriminating veiled under microagressions like these. Just my 2 cents. People are allowed to ask questions but it should honestly not be at our expense and like I told you, because we're already in an unfavored power position it's honestly not our responsibility to bend ourselves to fit the wills of the other by making ourselves receptive to their criticism when the problem is that they aren't allowing us to assert ourselves in the first place, and I personally find it unacceptable to let others gain more power over us just because of that.


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## durd561 (Oct 27, 2014)

top kek tldr


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

@AesSidhe
while your requests aren't particularly unreasonable, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find the tone of the OP a bit irritating and somewhat contradictory. nonetheless.....*gracious*! no child should have to go through that! :sad: as such, I will be a little less blunt than usual. anyway, I only have one question at the moment: strictly for the sake of curiosity, what was it that _scared_ you about going into the boys room? naturally, not wanting to go in makes intuitive sense if you did not identify with a male body, but could you explain what was _terrifying_ about it? did you think something bad would happen if you did? (don't worry about your answer making sense. the feelings of a terrified 7 year old seldom do).


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## Dania (Oct 31, 2009)

Are you gay? (Not sure if this was asked before). I feel very happy when I see gay trangender women. 

I used to follow this guy on youtube who eventually transitioned.. and kept her girlfriend... she loved him then and loves her now... through the discovery, the decision and the transition (I really need to remember the channel name to see how they are doing). 

I also love gay trangender men, so very rare they are though (if you know any on youtube please lemme know). 

The world is vibrant because humans can finally have these experiences. Makes me happy. And hugs!


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## marblecloud95 (Aug 12, 2015)

Annafae said:


> Are you gay? (Not sure if this was asked before). I feel very *aroused* when I see gay trangender women.
> 
> I used to follow this guy on youtube who eventually transitioned.. and kept her girlfriend... she loved him then and loves her now... through the discovery, the decision and the transition (I really need to remember the channel name to see how they are doing).
> 
> ...


Fixed for ya.


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## AesSidhe (Dec 14, 2014)

Sorry for the late reply, I was kept hostage for 4 days, but I escaped (No joke. I got involved with this farm working hostel, which was actually a scam, and they put you somewhere in a trailer park in the middle of nowhere next to a highway, where there was no phone reception, nor internet, so you couldn't ask anyone for help, look for other work, nor escape. This while they didn't let you work so you couldn't afford the rent nor your food. I lost so much money to these scammers. But tomorrow I'm getting myself a lawyer, going to contact the police, and involved the media. I also found out several other people are also going to sue them so yea ...)

@Entropic I agree, I'll tone them down a bit when they do it (again) 

@RyuukoGo I've always been a storyteller 

And yes you do need to change your diet. Fat distribution is different for girls/women than it is for guys/men. So you need to watch your food or get weight in locations you don't want it 

@Swordsman of Mana it was the sight of the 'sausage' and the idea of being forced to pee standing, something I experienced and knew wasn't something that should be there nor experience. Once in kindergarten they tried to force me to pee standing, which actually resulted in me peeing in my own underwear. Which at the age of 5 was very traumatic and stressful (especially with an abusive mother in the picture)

At the age of 7 this dysphoria towards the 'sausage' had only increased, and when peeing I'd always push it down between my legs so it'd point downwards, so it'd make the same sound like any other girl. Now include that my male peers bullied me for being a girl and that I hung out mainly with girls and even had playdates with them the situation gets more clear.

It's only after I was diagnosed that suddenly my mom forbid me to have playdates with other girls, I was still allowed to go to their birthday parties, but playdates with girls really vanished between my 7 and 10.

@Annafae I'm Pansexual and currently I have a girlfriend


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## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

AesSidhe said:


> Sorry for the late reply, I was kept hostage for 4 days, but I escaped (No joke. I got involved with this farm working hostel, which was actually a scam, and they put you somewhere in a trailer park in the middle of nowhere next to a highway, where there was no phone reception, nor internet, so you couldn't ask anyone for help, look for other work, nor escape. This while they didn't let you work so you couldn't afford the rent nor your food. I lost so much money to these scammers. But tomorrow I'm getting myself a lawyer, going to contact the police, and involved the media. I also found out several other people are also going to sue them so yea ...)


I'm really sorry that happened to you and I don't mean to sound insensitive but: your life never gets boring, does it?


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

@AesSidhe
...wow. that sounds like borderline sexual abuse


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## Fumetsu (Oct 7, 2015)

Heh, I misunderstood the topic to be about basic trans issues.

Wish I could delete posts :/


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