# How to Get the Girl(Gal)?



## Dezir (Nov 25, 2013)

TrueorFalse248 said:


> Hi, I want your sympathies and empathies to get the most precise results. Try to really engage your heart and your mind, if you you don't have a heart forget it just use your mind. If that makes sense. No we are not at church alleuluia! Thank you Jayz. This may be a painful or sensitive topic if you have had any bad past experiences. Okay so I've been researching on this question "What do Gals want in a Guy?" for a while. I've read many dating and pick up artist books on this, looked at many dating advice videos on Youtube and how to "Man Up" watched hundreds of Youtube videos on girls talking about what they want in a guy, Read over 150 different types of articles from different websites.
> 
> Looking at this question from different angles of view, It seems that different types of girls want different things drom a guy, depending on their personality. The majority of Girls in my research where "SJ" and "SP" types, so it might be a little biased.
> 
> ...


Everybody has got some insecurities, it's normal. We all have some sensitivies, some people are more sensitive than others. And you don't have to be an ideal man, frankly nobody is, not even Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig. You don't have to have everything on that list, just a few of them.

Everybody is a bit insecure. Nobody has everything figured out. Everybody is a bit awkward when calling someone new, everybody feels a bit awkward in a group of people they don't know very well. Well, not everybody, but the majority of people do. So you're not something unique, it's actually quite normal. The important thing is to not be extravagant out of your desire for her, have a normal social behavior, otherwise you risk making a fool out of you.

Until you ask for a date your official position is: just friends.

The important thing is to have courage, be awkward, feel insecure, and still go for it. Make a move.

To improve your social skills, remember to focus on the other person. Chances are good that you're not nearly as socially inept as you believe you are. But simply thinking of yourself as awkward can undermine your confidence in social situations.

Be present. When you're with someone, but you're distracted by other thoughts or emotions, people notice. Maybe your eyes glaze over, or your reactions are a little off or delayed. Or maybe you're being super obvious about it using a mobile device while "listening" to them. This makes people feel bad. Like they're not important. Or like you're not being authentic. The ability to focus on here and now is a skill called mindfulness, which you can cultivate gradually through practices like focusing on your breath and the individual sensations you're feeling in a given moment.

The best thing you can ever learn to improve your social skills is to think of the other person instead of yourself. Instead of worrying how you are "performing" or coming across, think about the other person and how they seem to be feeling or getting along. Chances are that your conversation partner is feeling just as uncomfortable as you are, and recognizing that could help you relax.

Act as if you have great social skills. What does it look like? Pretend you are the host of whatever gathering you are in and make someone feel welcomed. Smile, make brief eye contact, say hi. A growing body of research suggests that you can change your emotions simply by changing your behavior. For example: smiling can make you feel happier, and adopting a "power pose" can make you feel more confident.

The worse you feel, the less likely you are to talk to people, which only exacerbates your discomfort. The easiest way to improve your social skills is to put yourself into social situations. Afterward think about what when to your liking and what else was there that you wanted out of each situation.

Most social awkwardness is the result of overthinking. This overthinking is the result of fear. Improvisation forces you to be in the moment. Instead of thinking about yourself, you actively listen, and build on what others have said. Redirect your focus from yourself, what might go into the future, and the mistakes you've made in the past and concentrate instead on the current conversation.

Don't use every interaction as an opportunity to impose your values and beliefs on others. Consider how you can make the other person feel relaxed and give them space to express their thoughts and feelings. Instead of racing to insert your own point of view, ask questions. Don't interrput. Don't feel compelled to fill silence with chatter.


TrueorFalse248 said:


> You get the idea, so I've been trying to solve this mystery puzzle of what a gal wants in a guy. In General, what I have found is that, in order for a guy to be attractive to a gal. He must have the following traits. Now I can see why a woman would want this in a man, from a evolutionary standpoint. When Males where the providers and protectors of the female. The game of survival of the fittest. In order to be liked by a gal a guy must:
> 
> *1)The Guy MUST be confident
> 2)The Guy MUST be self assured
> ...


I think your approach is really too black & white. You are effectively dividing people into: not being hurt by rejection =/= sociopathic tendencies & lack of empathy. Being hurt by rejection =/= human with feelings and a sensitive soul. You can be caring and empathethic and still not be hurt by rejection.

One should have confidence in the face of disagreement. What if you ask someone for something and they say no? Just say ok, and move along to the next thing like it's no big deal. Because it's really no big deal.

If you have upset some people, don't jump in your own shell, instead ask: what happened? Did I upset you or something? If I did, I am sorry. It gives you opportunity for reassurance and ameliration, and in the best case can fix the relationship. In the worst case, when they won't take your apology, at least you will understand what you did, which is a lot better than never know and always wonder.

But at the same time, don't always follow the pressure from other people. But make your own choices. Although sometimes you choose to follow the pressure from other people, because you realise it's better that way or are simply being polite, sometimes you got to make your own choices, because you realise that's the best thing for you in the moment and will make you the happiest. So don't follow the pressure from other people but make your own choices.

It's like someone says _"pick that, that's good"_, and you reply _"it's good, it's good, but not good for me"_ or _"my mother wants to be a lawyer, but I'll still become a driver"_. I don't actually suggest to become a driver over lawyer, it's about defiance, not doing what your parents want and taking responsability for your life, your choices. Thing is, responsability is scary if you've never tried to be independent, autonomous, it implies conflict, it implies bothering or upseting people who want you to live your life a different way. At the end of the day, the moral argument is that it's your choices to make in your life, not theirs. You deserve to be held in the same regard as others and not have your life controlled. This doesn't mean not to appreciate effort and help from others, who try to help, but to take care of yourself, because at the end of the day, only you can make you happy.

This means that sometimes it's okay to bother or upset some people if they intervene in the choices your life, because it's your life, and you have the right to live it. If it makes you happy, it's okay if they don't like it. It applies to every person but specifically your parents because they are probably the most influential people in a person's life, it's harder to pressure an adult into doing something, though not impossible, it depends on the person, but kids are especially vulnerable to influence against their interests. I think for those kids it's very important to become autonomous. But as kids, we are easily influenced, it depends on personality, some kids are like that others aren't.

It's not always your fault if some people dislike you. If someone dislikes you, judge the situation with a cool head and find out if in all fairness you were in the right or wrong. If you did something wrong, assume it, your fault. If you didn't do anything wrong and they dislike you for no reason or simply don't like you, then just let it go and move on. There's a big difference between them disliking you when fairly speaking you are in the wrong, did something bad or inconsiderate, and they have good reason to be upset. And when they dislike you for no reason or simply don't like you.

We all have to conform to social norms of behavior on some level. Understand that you are not the only one in this, everyone is in this. You are not the only one looking to conform to social norms. Other people are also expected to be polite and have common sense otherwise they risk being frowned upon by other people. But at the same time, you got to take risks. Don't be cruel but take risks. It's good to have courage, it helps a lot in life to have courage, but not the inconsiderate kind of courage where you are shameless, courage with decency.

It's important to be a polite and respectful person with sensitivity and a gentle soul. To have depth and be someone who would not hurt other people. To have character, to not be a jerk. This means being soft-spoken as often as possible. But it doesn't mean to follow the pressure from other people or to always assume it's your fault when some people dislike you, there is a sense of fairness in the world, not everybody subscribes to it, there wouldn't be such thing as prison if that were the case, but the common population does.


TrueorFalse248 said:


> This List of Gals expectations seem cool, but I highly doubt I can meet even 9 of them. I've known what I wanted a person who is kind and accepting and who is imaginative, brainstorming ideas and bringing new ideas to the table, although i'd like a fine ass a nice pair of tits, that's not really on the menu for me. For these qualities aren't going to last in the long run, I seek a person who is humble, who doesn't expect me to be boring and macho, but rather playful and democratic. As an INTJ I enjoy being democratic and metro-sexual. Although I enjoy doing workouts, MMA and KMT, I am internally rather timid, contradictory and vulnerable, although I try not to show this. I have difficulty being confident all the time due to heightened sensitivity and vulnerability. My emotions transfer to others. I find it difficult to pressure or persuade anyone into anything, I'm not inclined to taking the lead. I prefer reaching an agreement on a mutually beneficial terms. I do not know how to use volitional pressuring and do not hope that I will be heard in a group setting and therefore I do not hurry to express my opinion, I stay in the background.


Not all women want an alpha male. Not all women are a primitive who would go for a primitive. Women want a fun, caring, even possibly romantic for some and comfortable relationship, just like men do.

Whoever, in the case of women who actually end up with alpha males, most abusive men do start out portraying themselves as kind and considerate partners, slowly turning into assholes over time. Ideally, women would want someone who would be capable of brutality with his enemies, but honor the people who stick by him, and be compassionate with the weak. Yes, if the guy is an indiscriminate asshole, then he'll become an asshole with her too. It's not necessarly toxic masculinity but weakness that doesn't attract, inability to be "toxic" with other men. But this raises a big problem for women: It's like having to guess between a tiger who doesn't bite and a tiger who bites, because the cats are unattractive. Thereby the abuses. This is all in terms of averages as those studies are based on averages, I'm not saying there aren't exceptions.

In theory, I understand the rationale: men are naturally stronger, they don't need to see strength in a woman. Women are naturally weaker, "strength" is a quality they lack, therefore they want to see it in their partner. And evolutionary speaking, it was the man that had to protect the woman, so the ability to stand up for yourself and react when someone wrongs you is important.

You can be nice yet capable of standing up for yourself. But it's not that simple, be aware of your social position, standing up to your boss might get you fired, standing up in a traffic might might cause an unnecessary conflict that could have easily been avoided. You can also stand up for yourself with words rather than force, to learn how to give replies in a decent non-insulting but dominating and defeating way, when you make a direct insult, it shows you are angry and have already lost.

If you go into conflict, you must have a cause, a reason for winning. Such as talking with your boss to raise your wage. Don't go into a battle if you have nothing to gain from winning, like a traffic fight, it's just stupid. If someone makes you uncomfortable, let's assume your neighbour listens to loud music and you can't sleep, the best thing to do first is to assume he has no idea about this and simply tell him, seek a diplomatic solution first, maybe there's a misunderstanding, if there's an argument win the talk fight with arguments in a reasonable manner, use the way he makes you feel or how he bothers other people, expect him to be reasonable, if he isn't, still don't jump to a fight, just threaten that you will call the police if he won't stop, and if he really doesn't, then call the police. If you show him that you're being weak and all talk, then he will keep doing that in the future as he knows he can get away with you.

It's not the "bad" that makes bad boys attractive, it's what they do that nice guys don't. The problem for so many nice guys and Nice Guys TM for that matter, is that they are afraid of rejection. They refuse to make an approach unless they are 110% sure that they’ll succeed. What is attractive about bad boys on the other hand is that they don't hesitate.

They will dress it up in any number of excuses: they want to wait until the moment’s right, they don’t want to make it weird, but it all comes down to the same problem: they don’t want to take the risk of getting hurt. As a result, they freeze themselves in place. They dither and wait. Nice guys will convince themselves of the nobility of loving from afar.

Meanwhile, some asshole whose interest starts at her cleavage and ends at her crotch rolls up on her. And while the asshole may well not be as good of a match for her as the nice guy, he still is the one who actually asked. Because he wasn't as worried about making it awkward or whether or not she'd want to be friends afterwards, he felt confident enough to actually ask her out. Even if the woman in question liked the nice guy, she isn’t going to wait forever for him to make up his mind.

If you like someone, then you want to be the guy who actually makes his move. The asshole may not like her as much, but he actually took his shot. The nice guy nice guy doesn’t get a chance because, frankly, he never gets in the game in the first place. Remember: he who hesitates, loses out.

It's also important to know how to present yourself. One of the most famous studies on the appeal of men with high levels of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism focused on the halo effect, the way that one’s appearance affects how others perceive you. Narcissists in particular, tend to be perceived as more attractive than other people. In fact, narcissists are often seen as being nicer, funnier and more appealing overall than others.

They are, in short, taking full advantage of the halo effect; because they look good, they’re seen as being better than they are in real life. To some, this seems like yet another unfair advantage, something that dark triad men have that leaves nice guys in the lurch. In reality, however, genuinely good guys have the upper hand. See, the key isn’t that narcissism isn’t an inherent charisma buff, it’s that narcissists put more effort into their appearance.

Narcissists spend more time grooming, working out and otherwise showing themselves off to their best effect. Their egos won’t let them look anything other than their best. This is something that literally anyone can do; getting fit and dressing sharp are very easy ways to upgrade your looks in short order. And by doing so, you actually gain a greater advantage over narcissistic bad boys. See, while narcissists seem more attractive at first, that overall effect fades very quickly. In fact, over time, people see narcissists as unpleasant, hostile jerks.


TrueorFalse248 said:


> I am usually burdened by the show flow of possible process and have some difficulty being in the moment, by mind wanders of into the distant coming of events, knowing this I prefer to spend time in solitude. Not much of a spontaneous person or a really hands on person I can be rather clumsy. Interested in theoretical research, I like to get all my duties finished and sitting in a quiet corner at a library or on the internet or spend spend time in a quiet area reading ebooks and articles, I prefer to much away at the information. Complexity is intriguing to me and I enjoy in-depth discussions about how things will play out in the future.
> 
> I'm not so outgoing, tend to reserved and have a small circle of friends, who have similar thinking. My ability to forcast very early in an undertaking excites me not, I like to forsee all realistic possibilities. I do not hurry to share my predictions and future potentials. I see hidden, subtle and imperceptible tendencies.
> 
> I am afraid and irritated by my inadequately half expressed emotions, regardless of whether they are positive or negative, my emotions tend to confuse me and so I rely on reason, often I'm afraid of saying something excessive or sentimental, to no encourage them then inadvertently let them down. My lack of emotionality tend to irritate other along with my jerky movements.


Basically, you wonder, how to build an emotional connection with people? is that correct? Emotional connection is not just about emotional support, it's not just about validation although that can be a component of it. Really, what emotional connection is, is the deep knowing that your partner is there for you in a time of distress, that if you turn towards them they will turn towards you. Knowing that they are there for you, with reasonable consistency.

Obviously, we're not going to have every need met by the other person so that's not what I mean. What I mean is knowing that they basically have your back, they are on your side.

This creates a primal sense of safety. As a biological organism, we need to know that we are connected to others, we need to know that other people will protect us. But in the emotional realm, sometimes it feel like the stakes are that high, that survival is at stake if I don't feel like my partner has my back.

Emotional connection is just knowing that that person is there, that you're not going to be judged, that you can speak your truth and it's a safe place.

If you don't have that, if you have emotional disconnection with someone, you don't feel heard or understood, and that's a lonely feeling. So if you're like "I'm sharing with him/her" but he/she turns defensive or they're hearing you in a different way than what you really mean. You're sharing something about yourself and they're hearing it through the lenses of what that means about them.

Defensiveness, blame and rushing into fixing something is a big block in emotional connection. When you're emotionally disconnected you're opperating from the assumption that your partner is not on your team, they're not on your side, there's a little bit of a _"me vs you"_ mentality.

How can you create emotional connection? You can actually create a sense of connection through physical presence, through communicating your intention to be there and just listen, to receive. That shows up. People can read your body language, over 90% of our communication and the spirit of what we're trying to communicate comes through non-verbally. So if you physical sit with someone, and you look at them and you tune with them and you're just listening. You are not interjecting or trying to fix or reacting.

And even if you have a reaction, you don't act on that reaction but you notice it and let it go and you go back to just receiving what the other person is saying and listening to them. Or just being with them for no reason, like sitting next to them, with your body showing you're present. This could be increased eye contact when they're telling you something. 

This can also be expressed verbally. Expressions of curiosity: tell me more, I want to really understand your experience, but ultimately is the acceptance of this person is having this experience and I'm there for them in this experience. It doesn't matter if I agree with the premise of their feelings, it doesn't matter if I disagree with their way of thinking that is undernearth their feelings, it doesn't matter what I think about why they're feeling what they are feeling. It is that experience that they're having, and when you operate from a place of acceptance of that experience and just being with that without trying to fix it, without trying to do anything with it, that is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone. If somebody tells you _"I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to listen"_, really take that to heart.

You might be right about your perception of something, that's not what matters in creating emotional connection.

And in fact they're not even going to hear the wonderful things you have to offer, you might have great ideas, great advice, great feedback, great input, but if you don't have that emotional connection first, that empathy first, they're not going to be able to even really hear you in a way that you want to be heard. When we feel like we are unconditionally receiving that love from our partner and there's no judgment, that is one of the biggest gifts that we can give them, it's like connecting and redicrecting the kids. First you connect, then you redirect. If you connect first, join their world, hear what they have to say, then you have a better chance of redirecting them. First connect, then when they feel heard, and there's probably going to be a sense of graditude around them, they're going to be more likely to hear your reframe on it.

Like "look at it like this", "yeah, I can take that in now because I know that you are not saying that from a place of I was wrong for feeling the way I was a feeling".

You have to be yourself, don't present a false version of yourself for it's not sustainable. Instead, if you wish to improve, work on yourself, and one way to work on yourself is to learn.

Take confidence for example, I don't think "fake it until you make it" but you can learn to become more confident. This is considered working on yourself, but not by faking it. Because you are not working by faking it, but by understanding how to become more confident, maybe reading about it, asking for advice, actually working on improving the skills that makes you feel unconfident in life. It's a natural process of learning, as opposed to forcing yourself to behave like you have learned what you actually didn't.

Beside learning, what makes it part of "yourself" is also if it feels natural to you, it feels comfortable. If being confident feels natural to you, it feels comfortable, then you are confident. If it doesn't, then even if you know the theory, you could be faking it in practice, because you don't naturally feel like that thing, it's outside not your comfort zone but your natural personality zone. So don't, be yourself in this case. Learn the things you want to improve upon, but don't try to be what you don't feel like being.

Work on yourself, but don't force yourself to believe you're something you're not. You can improve yourself naturally, through the natural process of learning.

For example "be compatible". I think being compatible is also up to you. It's about learning how to be more attractive. Of course looks matter, but there is a whole world of inner traits and qualities beside looks. Some of which are generally considered more attractive than others.

Getting to know somebody over time makes them more attractive to you. Yes, there will always be people who are able to leverage looks for a short-term advantage, but in the long run, it’s getting to know someone that ultimately makes them more attractive. Now, let’s talk about why that is, and how playing up what makes you you is important when it comes to building attraction.

Attraction, after all, is about more than looks. It’s about how someone makes you feel. The more somebody’s presence makes us feel good, the more we prioritize that relationship. We associate those feelings with that person and develop a new appreciation for them, a fondness for the things that make them uniquely them. Objective beauty doesn’t necessarily win out in the long run: because the way we feel about people changes how we perceive them.

But exposure alone doesn’t automatically mean that two people are going to fall in love. Exposure doesn't magically make love happen, it enhances the dominant emotion someone feels for you. If someone finds you kind of annoying, repeated exposure only serves to reinforce this. If someone thinks you’re cool however, getting to know you over time, building attraction, makes them much more likely to be interested.

All of this ties into the most important part of making a good first impression: bring the positive energy. We instinctively like people who like us, after all. We can’t help it. By being warm and friendly, showing the other person that we’re interested in them and genuinely pleased to meet them, we make them want to spend more time around us. The best first impression that you can leave someone with is that you’re a cool person who thinks that they’re cool too.

Bring the fun: If you want people to get to know you, and thus see how awesome you are, then you have to be someone they want to spend time with. Which means you want to be someone who’s fun. Fun, after all, is the most attractive trait someone can have, more than looks, more than money or status or popularity.

Now think about the people in your life, your co-workers, your classmates, your social circle, all of them. Most of the people we know are more or less nondescript. They’re nice enough people, don’t get me wrong but just... kind of there. They’re pleasant. They’re non-memorable. But we all have those few friends who stand out. They’re the ones who make us laugh or who always have the best stories. They’re the ones who are always doing cool, exciting things and make us want to do cool and exciting things with them. They’re passionate. They’re alive. They’re just fun.

Now which group of people would you want to be spending more time with? The pleasant-but-kind-of-dull ones? Or the ones who liven up a room and make you feel good? Now don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean that in order to win people over you have to constantly be playing the dancing monkey and always putting on a performance. Nobody can be “on” 24-7, and being around the ones who try gets exhausting. You just want to be someone who’s fun to be around in general. You’re a cool person, not the entertainment director.

You can build attraction by playing the long game. Relationships that form quickly, the “love at first sight” kind, burn out quickly as well. They’re formed on surface impressions, physical looks, superficial charm, etc. and that attraction fades as the couple gets to know each other better. This is why high school is so often a rolling morass of relationships, with couples getting together and breaking up seemingly within days, if not weeks: they’re falling in limerence with the surface, not the core and the appeal vanishes quickly.

Playing the long game, however, means letting things build. It’s the slow simmer rather than the fast boil, the gradual building of true attraction. Most relationships, especially ones that are going to last, are built over time. Building attraction is a process, and when it works, it’s magic. There’s nothing quite like that realization of a newfound desire or realizing that somebody is suddenly incredibly hot.

Yes, people who are conventionally good looking have the initial advantage. But by being someone worth knowing, someone that people want to be around and spend time with, as they get to know you, they’ll begin to realize just how attractive you actually are.


TrueorFalse248 said:


> Changing subjects, I found a different class, where there are new people to meet, I read some pick up artist books like "casonova" and I tried this experiment, where I acted like the ESFP/ESTP dude. Coming across as the ESFP, I acted like an extravert, mimicking to be interested in mundane things, being loud, talking about superficial crap that I didn't really care about, I was strategically trolling the class with a persona without getting caught by the professors, feeling vague while doing so, but still did not quite suceed in emoting and giving off emotional data, I did it all in words. I had the attention of all the girls in the class and girls talking and gossiping about me, to their friends in different classes and they started to get my attention, constantly smiling at me giggling I was thinking "well it worked!" And I had the respect of the guys in the class, I continued to be this aggressive player, really had no skills, I was doing a con, I was just putting on a show. I felt empty and lonely while doing so. I continued acting over confident and self assured, the girls kept talking about me probably the SJ types. They tried to get close to me and touch me. I was nervous then that once they get to know the real me they'll lose interest. Once I started to get to know these girls, being sapiosexual I tried to have a deep and intellectual conversation but they where indifferent to it feeling empty and disconnected. I sensed they had picked up on my
> phonnie and I stopped furthering relations with them. Feeling bored and stressed as I couldn't find a person where I can have a deep and meaningful conversation with, I slowly took of my mask.


Nobody is completely genuine. And being genuine =/= being selfless, because some people are genuinely evil, and that breaks the whole dicthonomy. I would define "fake" as pretending to be something you're not only when you have an ulterior wicked motive, like intending harm or hurt. Because we all have a level of non-genuinety. Girls wearing make-up? not genuine.

Picking the best picture out of 120 pictures to post on social media? not genuine. Thinking of someone _"what an ahole"_ after he cut your face but not saying it? not genuine. We all have to make little changes to adapt. And that technically speaking is non-genuine, because you're not doing what you're feeling or thinking and showing what you really look like and stuff like that. But I wouldn't call it "fake" because there is no malevolent intention behind it, there's nothing double-faced, back-stabbing or snakey about it, it's just what everyone else does.

But I think you need to have a healthy dose of being true to yourself, as in being "genuine". Because otherwise you won't feel good about you, you won't feel comfortable. Of course with some adjustments. To be yourself but in the limit of common sense, the default version that you can be without effort but without being a jerk. That doesn't mean never stepping a boundary though, obviously, it's important to respect the limits of other people, but, is it always? I talked before abut not giving in to pressure from other people and being okay to upset or bother some people sometimes, that's stepping a boundary, and sometimes it can be good. Sometimes you got to have initiative, to have guts, or you will lose a lot of opportunities in life.

Do not deny your need for approval and validation but keep it in healthy doses, consider what, are you willing and unwilling to do for it. We all want to be approved and validated, appreciated, liked, attractive, wanted by other people. You see it everywhere around us. But there are limits we must not step in wanting this thing. One of these things could be your own happiness, your own individuality. To not become a copycat of someone more famous in hopes that you would get the same approve and validation as him. And ironically, being yourself but in the limit of common sense, the default version that you can be without effort but without being a jerk, can make you more attractive to other people, it gives the feeling that there is something of worth there, something to be appreciated. You can be more attractive when you are trying to be natural than when you are trying to be a certain thing. It gives you confidence and it shows there's something genuine that can't be replicated.

But at the same time, we all have to adapt a bit in order to integrate, it's what everyone does. You can't act on impulses everytime, especially when people expect things of you or you're angry. Perhaps the best way is to say it is be yourself within social norms, don't exaggerate so that people look down on you and don't upset people, conflict is not always good, being polite and respectful is important because it makes people to have a better overall opinion of you.


TrueorFalse248 said:


> As you can see I do not meet all the requirements to date a gal, but although I have calculated a general estimation of what a Gal wants in a guy, I am yet to reach the essence the root of the matter. What I find confusing is that Gals will say that they want a nice guy who isn't contradictory or bossy and later hookup with that jerky asshole who doesn't even care, about her. Why do some girls do this? Based on the facts of the matter and the direction of dopamine and estrogen in the female brain. Even if I did try to date a girl, guys like me would probably be out of luck. Off course I can pretend to be the ESFP and act self assured and invulnerable, but this will eventually get tiring and boring the mask will come off once I get stressed. *The truth is that I don't want to be in a relationship with someone, with a persona, where I'm acting outside my true self, to be somone I'm not. The truth is that I want a long term relationship with someone where I can be myself, I honestly can't love the gal when I'm all macho. But from the ENFPs point of view: What Could I improve on? Whats your preference in a guy?*


You are at a crossroads:
(a) Be yourself and be unattractive.
(b) Wear a mask/persona and be attractive.

If you want a long term relationship with someone where you can be yourself, you have only one option -> (a) be yourself. Don't be all matcho.

Despite reading over 150 different types of articles from different websites, you were unlucky to miss the articles that explain why women like bad boys or matcho or alpha males or assholes. Why? simple, low self-esteem. The women who go for that type of men have low self-esteem.

So, you don't have to get the girl by being an alpha, you can get the girl by being soft and playful.
1. Approach them in a non-out of nowhere way. -> Find a pretext to talk to them. Maybe ask for help with something.
2. Keep messaging them after the initial conversation -> Either talking about the pretext subject or about each of you.
3. Laugh with them -> Make the conversation between you two funny or talk about an interesting subject you both enjoy.
4. Transition from small talk to big talk -> Intellectual conversation or a discussion about personal issues. Develop and emotional bond with deep talk. How do you connect with people? Understand their struggles and seek to comfort them.
5. Develop intimacy -> Being able to be yourself around the other person and to share your more secret thoughts and desires.
6. Show depth of feeling -> Caring about the person they are, caring that they feel good, wanting the best for them.
7. Impress with your character, show depth of feeling.
8. Find un unmet need in their lives -> Help them fill that gap. Find a creative way to fill that person's unmet need.

Do this and you will be able to develop a relationship based on a meaningful connection that you want, a trusting deep connection with care and romance where you can say things like "my special boy/girl" without fear of:
*34)The Guy MUST not be weak
35)The Guy MUST not show his vulnerabilities
48)The Guy MUST not be too nice
49)The Guy MUST never be needy
50)The Guy MUST never be clingy
51)The Guy MUST never be touchy or feely*


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## X10E8 (Apr 28, 2021)

TrueorFalse248 said:


> HI, I want your sympathies and empathies to get the most precise results. Try to really engage your heart and your mind, if you you don't have a heart forget it just use your mind. If that makes sense. No we are not at church alleuluia! Thank you Jayz. This may be a painful or sensitive topic if you have had any bad past experiences. Okay so I've been researching on this question "What do Gals want in a Guy?" for a while. I've read many dating and pick up artist books on this, looked at many dating advice videos on Youtube and how to "Man Up" watched hundreds of Youtube videos on girls talking about what they want in a guy, Read over 150 different types of articles from different websites.
> 
> Looking at this question from different angles of view, It seems that different types of girls want different things drom a guy, depending on their personality. The majority of Girls in my research where "SJ" and "SP" types, so it might be a little biased.
> 
> ...


😂Hahahah, this guy has no clue what his doing. You lack knowledge on communication with others, but it's okay hopefully we'll get there. Xd

Dude you just need to be honest and straight forward with us, if one girl doesn't like you don't keep using your techniques because it is inevitable that she is not attracted to you psychically and even emotionally.

Don't keep playing your games with us just be straight forward and we will decide whether to accept you or reject you and in that case you should move on. And stop beating yourself up because you can't find one.

❤🤍❤


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