# How confident are you about being able to find a life partner?



## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

The title pretty much describes the content of the thread.

Also, why?

My own answer:

I'm not confident, because I'm not sure I would have the capacity for a family, stable life, and long term relationship. 

Then, as a child I never blend in with the average children. So, I don't think I would be able to raise one.


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## CynicallyNaive (Jan 18, 2011)

Utterly and completely not confident. Candidly my friend has set the standard so high that if i don't end up marrying her, it feels like it will be another 20 years before someone suitable comes along. But circumstances can be surprising.


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## Konan (Apr 20, 2011)

Not very confident...


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## Olivia (May 20, 2011)

Well, I think I could find a partner. But it wouldn't necessarily be a "soul mate" partnership, if such a concept exists in reality (after the newness has worn off).


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

"I think I can, I think I can."


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## L'Empereur (Jun 7, 2010)

Not confident at all.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

Confident.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

I think I'd feel more confident after having been in a successful relationship for more than a few years. It's kind of difficult to know if you'll find a life partner before you've seen every side of them.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I kind of feel like I have.


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

I think I eventually will, but not necessarily someone I'm happy with... I might just marry someone I get along with... but it would really depend on my frame of mind if that was acceptable to me or not. Sometimes I feel like it's okay, but at other times I want to hold out for someone special, but that's not how life works... a special life partner doesn't just fall into your lap. So... unless I find the motivation to go out and talk to people, I won't find anyone 'special'. Uh. Yeah. So I might just end up settling... which would be very sad. Or I might not settle, because every time my parents ask me about this I just say something along the lines of 'I don't want to get married until I feel I can stand on my own two feet'... oh. I don't know. I should have a proper answer to this question by now, but I don't.

(and everyone else wrote 1 line and I wrote a mini short story... eh.)


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## ifyouwishto (Jan 11, 2011)

I'm very confident about *deserving* a fantastic life partner. One who will treat me well, let me have my own freedoms, encourage me to grow, love the things I love, travel with me, listen to my secret worlds and then share theirs with me.

Finding someone who is good enough, single, interested... well, that's another story. :|


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

I'm probably more confident about this than I should be... Why? I don't know. I'm just generally very confident about being able to find relationships when I want them, whether they're long or short term.


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## Napoleptic (Oct 29, 2010)

How confident am I about being able to find a life partner? Not confident at all. Why? Because I'm a realist. It might happen or it might not.

Of course I hope that it does, but if it doesn't then I'm prepared for that reality regardless of my preference.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Olivia said:


> Well, I think I could find a partner. But it wouldn't necessarily be a "soul mate" partnership, if such a concept exists in reality (after the newness has worn off).


I fear I shall fall victim to a similar fate. I'm not the fathering type, so starting a family of my own is something that is not on my agenda. That along with my affinity for space and secret keeping, I've successfully been labeled "emotionally unavailable." Which makes me practically unsuitable for anyone worth having. If my relationship with women remains the same, my best case scenarios will be being stuck with some woman I can just barely stand, and I'm unlucky enough to father a child I don't want. Or, be in one of those uncomfortable situations where I'm still going in 1st dates in my mid-forties. 

Can't decide which is slightly less horrible.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

ifyouwishto said:


> Finding someone who is good enough, single, interested... well, that's another story. :|


Why is this hard for you? or is it not?


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> I think I eventually will, but not necessarily someone I'm happy with... I might just marry someone I get along with... but it would really depend on my frame of mind if that was acceptable to me or not. Sometimes I feel like it's okay, but at other times I want to hold out for someone special, but that's not how life works... a special life partner doesn't just fall into your lap. So... unless I find the motivation to go out and talk to people, I won't find anyone 'special'. Uh. Yeah. So I might just end up settling... which would be very sad. Or I might not settle, because every time my parents ask me about this I just say something along the lines of 'I don't want to get married until I feel I can stand on my own two feet'... oh. I don't know. I should have a proper answer to this question by now, but I don't.
> 
> (and everyone else wrote 1 line and I wrote a mini short story... eh.)


I won't settle. Unless someone could give me a strong reason to (which I doubt anyone will, unless anyone has a strong interest with me).

I've always avoid family gatherings. Because most of them had chosen to settle. They are not in my situation.


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## Runvardh (May 17, 2011)

Currently, my confidence is at an all time low, however my probability is at an all time high. The reason for this being though I was in and out of relationships for most of my early twenties, the combined potential to hold it together was not there due to deficiencies in either myself, the girl, or both. In this way, I had slightly more confidence, with little understanding of how ready I or the other actually were.

Now I feel I have a better understanding; but that understanding, with the required changes, is still a work in progress. Because of this I feel my confidence is born more of facts rather than just hopes, making it more solid, even when it eventually does go back up.


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

undead said:


> I won't settle. Unless someone could give me a strong reason to (which I doubt anyone will, unless anyone has a strong interest with me).
> 
> I've always avoid family gatherings. Because most of them had chosen to settle. They are not in my situation.


Well.  I admire your conviction.

Personally, I don't want to end up so:


android654 said:


> in one of those uncomfortable situations where I'm still going in 1st dates in my mid-forties.


Settling isn't all thaaat bad. To me, it just means more adjustment than I would _ideally_ like. But one can still have a satisfactory marriage. Better a satisfactory marriage than no marriage at all, I sometimes think... But it's easier to brush away the idea of settling when you're younger, but as you get older, if you do want to be with someone eventually, I think it's more realistic to see the value of settling in comparison to pursuing an ideal that may never materialise. 

Having said that, I have very specific ideas on what aspects I would be willing to compromise on. When I hit 45 (for example), I'm not going to stick my hand out for anyone with a ring to spare. Or at least, I hope not.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

I am not very confident that I will be able to find a life partner. I am 29 and never been on a real date and barely have any means to meet women and when I do they are never really that interested in me at all. Not that I have given up hope completely. It's kind of hard to be confident in something that pretty much everyone have actual experience in and you have none(and not really sure how to go about it). And at my age it does seem some what very pathetic.


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## MissJordan (Dec 21, 2010)

A "life partner"?

Shit, I'm having trouble finding a _girlfriend_...


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## Fizz (Nov 13, 2010)

MisterJordan said:


> A "life partner"?
> 
> Shit, I'm having trouble finding a _girlfriend_...


Does the Daily Mail offer any relationship advice? If they do, don't take it, you'll likely become a registered sex offender if you do.


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## antiant (Jul 4, 2010)

There's always Real Dolls!


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> Settling isn't all thaaat bad. To me, it just means more adjustment than I would _ideally_ like. But one can still have a satisfactory marriage. Better a satisfactory marriage than no marriage at all, I sometimes think... But it's easier to brush away the idea of settling when you're younger, but as you get older, if you do want to be with someone eventually, I think it's more realistic to see the value of settling in comparison to pursuing an ideal that may never materialise.
> 
> Having said that, I have very specific ideas on what aspects I would be willing to compromise on. When I hit 45 (for example), I'm not going to stick my hand out for anyone with a ring to spare. Or at least, I hope not.


How old are you now? I'm 27.

Satisfactory marriage is impossible to predict.

I know settling down is not bad if you're with the "right" person. But, finding and recognizing that one is harder than deciding to settle down afterwards. Then, imagine the real cost and the effort to be comfortable with the family of the partner. It needs someone who is really interested with me, in order to achieve that.

To get someone to be interested with me, I have to invest time meeting that someone and spending time with her. I don't see much hope by looking at my job, and where I live right now. 

I've been thinking that I would commit suicide before I reach my late 30s, if I'm still in the same situation.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

undead said:


> I've been thinking that I would commit suicide before I reach my late 30s, if I'm still in the same situation.


I need a clean and near-perfect way to do this. I'm serious.


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## Mr.Xl Vii (Jan 19, 2011)

I'm willing to settle.


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## theGrandQ (Mar 4, 2011)

Not confident at all. People like me really don't have a snowball's chance in hell...


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

undead said:


> How old are you now? I'm 27.


mid-20s, ish.



> I know settling down is not bad if you're with the "right" person. But, finding and recognizing that one is harder than deciding to settle down afterwards.


When I said 'settling' I meant in terms of 'settling for someone', not 'settling down with someone', sorry for the confusion. I don't have a problem with settling down, but I'd like to do it with someone 



> Then, imagine the real cost and the effort to be comfortable with the family of the partner. It needs someone who is really interested with me, in order to achieve that.


Well, marriage is a two-way street. Just as someone will have to exert some effort to get along with your family, you'll have to exert the same to get along with theirs. It's give and take, it's constant adjustment. If you and your partner happen to be of similar or complementary personalities and mindsets in the right aspects, there will be less adjusting and compromising and that can turn out to be an ideal partnership. 



> Satisfactory marriage is impossible to predict.


For me a satisfactory relationship is one in which both partners are mutually respectful and dutiful. An ideal relationship is that + something more. It makes you feel whole, but it's not _essential_...



> To get someone to be interested with me, I have to invest time meeting that someone and spending time with her. I don't see much hope by looking at my job, and where I live right now.


You're not alone. Welcome to the story of prooobably most people's lives, mate. :dry: This is something that's in your hands and if that's what's stopping you from meeting women, it's in your power to change it.



> I've been thinking that I would commit suicide before I reach my late 30s, if I'm still in the same situation.


That's poetic, but defeatist. _Especially_ when the reasons you cited for not being able to meet women are things that can be overcome. Sorry if that's not the most tactful way to say it.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> You're not alone. Welcome to the story of prooobably most people's lives, mate. :dry: This is something that's in your hands and if that's what's stopping you from meeting women, it's in your power to change it.
> 
> That's poetic, but defeatist. _Especially_ when the reasons you cited for not being able to meet women are things that can be overcome. Sorry if that's not the most tactful way to say it.


What if I decided to meet you? 
Assume I live nearby. What will make you to reject my effort?


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

undead said:


> What if I decided to meet you?
> Assume I live nearby. What will make you to reject my effort?


What, me personally? I would not be up for that because I do not know much about you and I do not want to mix up PerC and my real life.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

antiant said:


> There's always Real Dolls!


Oh geez....

(Although "Lars and the Real Girl" was a great film, I must admit...!)


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

undead said:


> My own answer:
> I'm not confident, because I'm not sure I would have the capacity for a family, stable life, and long term relationship.
> Then, as a child I never blend in with the average children. So, I don't think I would be able to raise one.


I learned a lot about myself during my marriage... and that I was also far more capable of family in some ways than I had realized. Stuff like that is part aptitude, part commitment. If you are committed and/or submit to something (prioritizing it), then that's half the battle right there. You have to be willing to invest and learn and change as you go to become a better parent.

But at this point, knowing what I know, I kind of wonder if I'll find anyone suitable for an LTR again. I know too much what I don't want, there are benefits to being together vs single, and so I'll be more careful with an LTR. And it's also a matter of finding a way to screen the right sort of partner for oneself; it can be hard to just find the right flow of people to choose from, to then have a chance to make something work.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> What, me personally? I would not be up for that because I do not know much about you and I do not want to mix up PerC and my real life.


See, that's the problem. 

I tried to do this while I'm traveling. Luckily, there was a purpose for meeting. But, in most cases there's no purpose at all. But, they're all far away, so it's not easy to meet them again.

How do I know someone, if I reject the stranger by saying I don't know you?


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

I am confident that I can and will find someone willing to marry me. Its finding someone who I really want to be with I am not so sure about.


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

undead said:


> See, that's the problem.
> 
> I tried to this while I'm traveling. Luckily, there was a purpose for meeting. But, in most cases there's no purpose at all. But, they're all far away, so it's not easy to met them again.
> 
> How do I know someone, if I reject the stranger by saying I don't know you?


That's just my perspective. There were these San Diego meet up threads somewhere on PerC, so obviously, not everyone is as averse to meeting people they don't know (and also from PerC) as I am. 

Also, you can get to know people first and then try to meet them, as opposed to putting the meeting first. 

You obviously have access to the internet so you can try sites like okcupid or other social networking sites and just try to get to know people in general. The first hurdle is finding a population of people to interact with. Meeting people physically is a logistical hurdle that you can worry about later (seeing as you said you're in a remote place or something to that extent).


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

perennialurker said:


> I am confident that I can and will find someone willing to marry me. Its finding someone who I really want to be with I am not so sure about.


Yeah, this.

I'm a narcissist and I already have myself. So finding a soulmate has never become my concern.
If I can find him, that's good. If I can't, then I'll just adopt babies.


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## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

WickedQueen said:


> Yeah, this.
> 
> I'm a narcissist and I already have myself. So finding a soulmate has never become my concern.
> If I can find him, that's good. If I can't, then I'll just adopt babies.


Just for the record, I am NOT a narcissist.:laughing:


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

undead said:


> I tried to this while I'm traveling. Luckily, there was a purpose for meeting. But, in most cases there's no purpose at all. But, they're all far away, so it's not easy to met them again.
> 
> How do I know someone, if I reject the stranger by saying I don't know you?


It depends what you want more, I suppose, as to what risks you are willing to take.

Some people only want to expose their lives to other online forumers under very controlled circumstances.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

Jennywocky said:


> It depends what you want more, I suppose, as to what risks you are willing to take.
> 
> Some people only want to expose their lives to other online forumers under very controlled circumstances.


It's much easier for guys to take risks. But this will end up with guys meeting or the geeks conference. Probably, I'll go to a bar or club, even though I don't really like to pay for entry. Probably, I'll travel again, who knows.


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

undead said:


> It's much easier for guys to take risks. But this will end up with guys meeting or the geek conferences.


Women can be found at geek conferences. This is the 21st century, you know!


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

perennialurker said:


> I am confident that I can and will find someone willing to marry me. Its finding someone who I really want to be with I am not so sure about.


It could be the opposite for me: finding someone that I want to be with, but there's no long term potential.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> Women can be found at geek conferences. This is the 21st century, you know!


Yeah, I know it's the 21st century :wink:.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> Women can be found at geek conferences. This is the 21st century, you know!



I'm not an expert, but something tells me that couples only having comics or scifi in common doesn't sound like that good of a mix.


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## Paeter (May 18, 2011)

Sounds boring.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

WickedQueen said:


> Yeah, this.
> 
> I'm a narcissist and I already have myself. So finding a soulmate has never become my concern.
> If I can find him, that's good. If I can't, then I'll just adopt babies.


I respect your choice to adopt an orphan. The world needs more of that kind of people.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

android654 said:


> I'm not an expert, but something tells me couples that only have comics or scifi in common doesn't sound like that good of a mix.


I kind of agree. There should be a better meeting than just this.


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## friction (Apr 29, 2011)

android654 said:


> I'm not an expert, but something tells me couples that only having comics or scifi in common doesn't sound like that good of a mix.


That's true, but just because someone attends a geek conference it doesn't mean that they don't have any other interests. It could be one of many interests. You won't know if you don't ask.

And the OP said he had trouble meeting women, then mentioned geek conferences. I just pointed out the obvious.


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## FXGZ (May 19, 2011)

Pretty confident. There are so many people in this world, sure there will be someone for me as I shift my standard from unrealistic towards realistic. It is going to be hard trying to figure out where that fine standard lies, when you are getting less and less patient.


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## JoetheBull (Apr 29, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> Women can be found at geek conferences. This is the 21st century, you know!


tried this many times. Every girl I meet at a convention that seems to show any interest or actually don't mind me talking to me always end up having a boyfriend lol. I think it would be nice to meet someone with some similar interest. Might be considered a bit boring but it is better then having your partner scolding you for being a geek all the time. I have a female friend that sometimes seems to look down on me for being strange and a geek. And that gets annoying very quickly most of the time.


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

JoetheBull said:


> tried this many times. Every girl I meet at a convention that seems to show any interest or actually don't mind me talking to me always end up having a boyfriend lol. I think it would be nice to meet someone with some similar interest. Might be considered a bit boring but it is better then having your partner scolding you for being a geek all the time. I have a female friend that sometimes seems to look down on me for being strange and a geek. And that gets annoying very quickly most of the time.


If you're a mono-dimensional person, whose sole interests are star trek and green lantern comics, then that is how most people will treat you. But if its only a part of you while you have a myriad of other traits and interests then the problems lie in the other person.


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## Kr3m1in (Jan 16, 2011)

how did we get from life partners to the green lantern?..


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Kr3m1in said:


> how did we get from life partners to the green lantern?..


I have a talent for redirecting conversations.


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

highlandstorm said:


> That's true, but just because someone attends a geek conference it doesn't mean that they don't have any other interests. It could be one of many interests. You won't know if you don't ask.
> 
> And the OP said he had trouble meeting women, then mentioned geek conferences. I just pointed out the obvious.


I'm not really active in a geek conference actually. But, I do know in such geek conferences the female to male ratio is below 0.5. Programming or developer conferences are usually less (0.1). If it's not a popular event, it could be zero.

Ok, I think I could meet women. But to have a relationship is another story.
I just messed around with a girl feelings today (not my girlfriend). So, that's another problem...


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## Napoleptic (Oct 29, 2010)

undead said:


> It's much easier for guys to take risks. But this will end up with guys meeting or the geeks conference.


I have a fond fantasy of meeting a man at a con and whispering sweet nothing in his pointed Spock ears...

I'm sorry, what was this thread about again? :tongue:


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

i'm TOTALLY confident!

that i wont

:dry:


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## undead (Nov 28, 2010)

Napoleptic said:


> I have a fond fantasy of meeting a man at a con and whispering sweet nothing in his pointed Spock ears...
> 
> I'm sorry, what was this thread about again? :tongue:


Whatever your fantasy wants.


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## viva (Aug 13, 2010)

I think I found mine already. :blushed:


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## NekoNinja (Apr 18, 2010)

I sure _hope_ I find someone... :crying:


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## MonieJ (Nov 22, 2010)

Meh I am pretty confident I can find someone but like a poster up there said I dnt believe in Soul mates either


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

I don't expect to


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## Cheveyo (Nov 19, 2010)

Considering that relationships are about compromise and I refuse to do any compromising any more in my life, I'm fairly certain I'll be forever alone. Could be worse.


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## infinitemess (Oct 8, 2011)

not very confident.. i'm not sure if i even believe in "life partners" at this point, as much as the ideal may linger in the back of mind. i'm really attracted to a guy who can't commit atm, and i don't want to issue any ultimatums, so i'm deciding to take our relationship one day at a time for now.


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## shadowofambivalence (May 11, 2011)

neutral, I have a friends first rule


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## Levitas (Sep 27, 2009)

Not confident whatsoever considering I am 18 years old and still have never even had one boyfriend.


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

I feel confident. I'm pretty and intelligent enough. I work through problems pretty well instead of running or blaming and I hear/experience that is a good thing for relationships. definitely not looking to find a life partner any time soon, and more than anything I don't want to settle... but if I click with someone I am quite supportive, loving/loyal, and giving. I am also consciously optimistic in general...


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## SimuLord (Oct 9, 2011)

I wasn't, until I read John Cheese's "5 Ways You Know It's Time to Get Married" on Cracked awhile back and realized that he's about my age, went through a lot of the same stuff I've been through in life, and came out the other side of it with a girl who loves him (the article was a proposal to his girlfriend when you get right down to it.)

The moral of the story really does seem to be "when the time is right, it'll happen."


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

Levitas said:


> Not confident whatsoever considering I am 18 years old and still have never even had one boyfriend.


let me give you a confidence boost, then: 18 is really young, it's absolutely normal to not have started dating by then.


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## Levitas (Sep 27, 2009)

Somniorum said:


> let me give you a confidence boost, then: 18 is really young, it's absolutely normal to not have started dating by then.


I understand that I am young but when I look around and see those who have "loved and lost," I am still here "having never loved at all" and for lack of a better phrase, it sucks.


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## Vaan (Dec 19, 2010)

Half-Half, I think it's possible, but I don't mind if I don't. I'd rather wait forever than marry someone who is not compatable with me and vice versa


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

Levitas said:


> I understand that I am young but when I look around and see those who have "loved and lost," I am still here "having never loved at all" and for lack of a better phrase, it sucks.


well, that's fair enough - and i hope you didnt feel like i was suggesting that simply because you're young, you dont have the right to complain or whatnot (bugs the hell out of me when people decide that just because one person's problems arent as bad as someone else's, they have no right to be upset, complain, etc). even if your situation isnt as dire as all that, i understand that, if you want love and you're not getting it, it still feels awful. 

i *suspect* though that things could turn out alright... just, dont socially cut yourself off. i dont know how you live your life, you could have tons of friends, a huge social circle, an active social life and all - but in case you dont, that's the best thing i can recommend, and if you do that, i think before long you'll have better luck, eh? 

: / sorry, you probably didnt want a pep talk.


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## Olena (Jan 2, 2011)

Levitas said:


> I understand that I am young but when I look around and see those who have "loved and lost," I am still here "having never loved at all" and for lack of a better phrase, it sucks.


You should be grateful. Being in love and losing the person is serious heartache. I can't imagine why you'd want to experience that kind of emotional pain.

I guess for the experience? A clean slate is better. Too many bad relationships will jade you.


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## BlackMamba (Aug 5, 2011)

@Olena Love your avatar! <3


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## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

How confident are you that finding a life partner is necessary and/or worth worrying about being confident in? P

I'm quite content being single. Have been for several years now, and most likely will be for several more to come (if not for the rest that I have). Don't get me wrong, being with my soulmate, assuming she's even out there, would be great. But so would having millions of dollars and never worrying about if I get to eat again.

I'm not holding my breath on either account though. ;o)


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## pyjujiop (Oct 30, 2011)

Not very optimistic right now.

I was in a relationship for seven years with a woman who never understood who I was, or how to communicate with me. Never understood my personality at all, and tried to force me to be who she wanted me to be.

I broke up with her, and by fate, a woman I used to date (and was in love with) came back into my life a few days after the break-up. I started seeing her again. But the more time goes on, I see that she doesn't care to (or is at least unable to) really know me, either.

It's really discouraging when you're 38 years old and the only two women you ever truly loved in your entire life don't care to know you on more than a surface level, and you come to the realization about both of them in a matter of a few months.

I know an INFP can scare the hell out of some people once you get to know them, but come on...


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

pyjujiop said:


> Not very optimistic right now.
> 
> I was in a relationship for seven years with a woman who never understood who I was, or how to communicate with me. Never understood my personality at all, and tried to force me to be who she wanted me to be.
> 
> ...


Hey, I'm sorry to hear that man. Have you considered dating websites like eHarmony? I told myself if I'm still single soon with no relationship prospects, I'll just sign up for dating sites. Sure it takes the romance out of the initial stages of a relationship, but it's better than being alone. No?


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## pyjujiop (Oct 30, 2011)

MisterNi said:


> Hey, I'm sorry to hear that man. Have you considered dating websites like eHarmony? I told myself if I'm still single soon with no relationship prospects, I'll just sign up for dating sites. Sure it takes the romance out of the initial stages of a relationship, but it's better than being alone. No?


 I met the first woman on one of those sites. I've tried them for years. Does no good whatsoever.

I'm not ready to give up on the second woman yet. I dated her off and on for years, and then she met someone she thought she would marry, and then I did. We were barely in touch for seven years. We have some things in common. I can't decide if she is more ESFP or ISFP, but definitely one of the two. I think the problem is that we both love the commonality, but can't stand the things that are different in the other person. It was never so apparent years ago, but we spend much more time together than we did then. If I wasn't so dang emotional, we'd probably be fine, to be honest.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

People have such ridiculous expectations of their SO to be the almighty truth and glory that will solve and have you be absolved all your problems and emotional pain in life... Get real FFS!


MisterNi said:


> Hey, I'm sorry to hear that man. Have you considered dating websites like eHarmony? I told myself if I'm still single soon with no relationship prospects, I'll just sign up for dating sites. Sure it takes the romance out of the initial stages of a relationship, but it's better than being alone. No?


It takes out a good portion of the psychopaths, the uninterested, the no callers, the two day rule and is more safe in my opinion if that's what you mean by romance of the "initial" stages of a relationship.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Contrary to popular belief we are not a monogamous species. There is no animal with the exception of two that is monogamous either less you specify a tap worm that has its genitals infuse with their mates or buzzards.


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## La Li Lu Le Lo (Aug 15, 2011)

Not very...I'm still young but I can see my future. It makes me depressed.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

pyjujiop said:


> I met the first woman on one of those sites. I've tried them for years. Does no good whatsoever.
> 
> I'm not ready to give up on the second woman yet. I dated her off and on for years, and then she met someone she thought she would marry, and then I did. We were barely in touch for seven years. We have some things in common. I can't decide if she is more ESFP or ISFP, but definitely one of the two. I think the problem is that we both love the commonality, but can't stand the things that are different in the other person. It was never so apparent years ago, but we spend much more time together than we did then. If I wasn't so dang emotional, we'd probably be fine, to be honest.


What kind of differences are you talking about? Like insignificant differences that annoy you or differences in lifestyle that the two of you aren't willing to accommodate?



Thomas D M Thompson said:


> People have such ridiculous expectations of their SO to be the almighty truth and glory that will solve and have you be absolved all your problems and emotional pain in life... Get real FFS!


Yeah, good luck finding someone like that. 



> It takes out a good portion of the psychopaths, the uninterested, the no callers, the two day rule and is more safe in my opinion if that's what you mean by romance of the "initial" stages of a relationship.


Hahaha, I meant more along the lines of meeting a person, charm or be charmed, chase or be chased. For a lot of people, that's most of the fun but it gets really bothersome the older you get. (I'm 30 and I'm sick of playing relationship games at this stage in my life).


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> Contrary to popular belief we are not a monogamous species. There is no animal with the exception of two that is monogamous either less you specify a tap worm that has its genitals infuse with their mates or buzzards.


humans have the capacity to choose however they approach relationships. clearly many humans *have* been monogamous, so your claim that humanity is not a monogamous species is incorrect, at least in part. 

if you dont want to be monogamous, then dont be - stop telling everyone else they shouldnt be this way because you dont like it.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Somniorum said:


> is incorrect, at least in part.


Is that kind of like I'm right but your opinion makes what I said half-assed? *rolleyes*

I didn't ask anyone to follow along nor did I pressure anyone not to be, I was stating a fact, you can ass/u/me all you like though.

We as a species can have sex with whomever, we don't fuse together and become one with the other sex, then we would be called monogamous. Those penises could of penetrated whatever/whomever's vagina(s)/anus(s) they wanted.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

MisterNi said:


> Yeah, good luck finding someone like that.


that's my point.


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

I'm a believer 

Monogamous Animal Relationships (PHOTOS)


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> Is that kind of like I'm right but your opinion makes what I said half-assed? *rolleyes*


No, he's saying that you're not right because there are a lot of people who are in monogamous relationships with no desire to cheat on their SO. Although there are also people who're in relationships who want to cheat on their SO. That's why you're only partially wrong and not completely wrong.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

MisterNi said:


> No, he's saying that you're not right because there are a lot of people who are in monogamous relationships with no desire to cheat on their SO. Although there are also people who're in relationships who want to cheat on their SO. That's why you're only partially wrong and not completely wrong.


Hence it's a "half-assed" fact on my part... it's not just cheating, it's breaking up and starting over again, it's putting genitalia together that never met one another before, its a divorced couple fucking other people after splitting up. 

WE again, are not a monogamous species, it's a fact. 

Anyone can put anyone else's sex organs together to whomever/whatever they want. It's false to say we are monogamous because a few select couples choose to have sex just with each other until ones dies, because after that, it's on to another mate. 

If both mates died, or if both mates were incapable of fucking another person after the other died or broke-up, then yes we would be monogamous.

We do choose a mate, but not for life. Once the mate dies, its on to another, and that is a fact. Take whatever emotional/social context you have towards the subject, take out all the presumptions and see what it really is for what it is.


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> We as a species can have sex with whomever, we don't fuse together and become one with the other sex, then we would be called monogamous. Those penises could of penetrated whatever/whomever's vagina(s)/anus(s) they wanted.


i think you and i have *very* different definitions of monogamy. incidentally, i think everyone else would disagree with your definition of monogamy, since most people simply view it as having a single mate at one period (potentially for life), without involving any genuine *physical melding*. dictionary.com doesnt mention anything about that, just talks about having one partner at a time.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Somniorum said:


> i think you and i have *very* different definitions of monogamy. incidentally, i think everyone else would disagree with your definition of monogamy, since most people simply view it as having a single mate at one period (potentially for life), without involving any genuine *physical melding*. dictionary.com doesnt mention anything about that, just talks about having one partner at a time.


mo·nog·a·my   [muh-nog-uh-mee] Show IPA
noun
1.
marriage with only one person at a time.
2.
Zoology. the practice of having only one mate.
3.
the practice of marrying only once during life.


1, 2 and 3 are the definitions i'm using since we are animals and it's way off base with the divorce rates, and remarriages in this world as well as those who break up and reenter sexual relationships be it boyfriend/girlfriend mistress and sub w/e. It's a great thing or else you would have to drop dead or never have sex again once your mate dies or decides to leave you to be an actual monogamous participant.

Source: Dictionary.com


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> mo·nog·a·my   [muh-nog-uh-mee] Show IPA
> noun
> 1.
> marriage with only one person at a time.
> ...


i understand what you're getting at, but only the third of those three definitions specifies only one mate for *life*. to have a divorce doesnt mean you're non-monogamous, as long as you had only one mate at that one time. now, that said, i must admit - while the term doesnt necessarily imply having ONLY one mate for life normally, i do believe that *is* the origin of the term, so i suppose i can see where you're coming from being adamant in that usage. 

as for my original reply, it was against the notion that i perceived you were displaying that humanity is not monogamous - my misunderstanding of your statement that humanity is not monogamous (aside from that i dont follow the strict definition of "only one per lifetime") is that i didnt get that you were saying this to mean that humanity has a plurality of sexual practices which means that they're, by definition, broadly, non-monogamous (much as they're non-bigamist or non-polygamyst, etc). rather, i misunderstood you to be stating that humanity lacked the capacity to be monogamous, and/or that various individual humans ought not to practice monogamy (of either the looser or stricter definitions of the term) due to dubious ideas that humans must act a certain way (or refrain from certain actions) based on our supposed unsuitability towards monogamy (for whichever reasons). 

i apologise for my misinterpretations, then.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

It's ok, it's not uncommon for marriage and monogamy to be confused as the same definition when they are vastly different. Call it being pedantic but hey, I like to see things for what they are and not what they assume to be. The second definition is inferred from the third definition and the first is meant to encompass both definitions together.


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## bengalcat (Dec 8, 2010)

Not very.

I'm naturally monogamous and dedicated to making a romantic relationship work, I'd like kids, believe in family etc. But I haven't had a fixed, settled down life so far and am not sure how and if I'd get there, if it's necessary... I know I can be hard to get to know, and I don't date and play the numbers game. And.... now I know that relationships are quite hard, I mean they have enormous benefits, but yeah they're hard enough that I don't feel confident that even if I get into a relationship with someone I think is awesome, that we'll be able to hold it together until the end of our lives. (Which would be my ideal.) 

It's hard to feel confident about that when you know you've gotten very used to being independent. But... there is still some hope, and I wouldnt be in a relationship without believing in it.


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## CynicallyNaive (Jan 18, 2011)

pyjujiop said:


> I met the first woman on one of those sites. I've tried them for years. Does no good whatsoever.


We strong Ns are notorious for drawing conclusions from small samples of data. I could just as easily point to people i know in happy marriages from those services. Doesn't mean you have to go that route, but your experience isn't necessarily generalizable.


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## Peripheral (Jan 8, 2011)

Not confident at all. I'm not satisfied with my life as it is, and I wouldn't marry someone out of some sense of tradition, or not dying alone. I always thought I'd end up alone for a long time now, so the possibility isn't worrying me. I'd start considering into it when I achieve a standard of living I am happy with, which is not my current situation. After long periods of dating and courtship, of course.


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## Popinjay (Sep 19, 2011)

Very

Because I'm fucking awesome...and because out of 7 billion people there's bound to be someone out there with a low enough intelligence, severe enough mental condition, or high enough natural tolerance for asshattery...or possibly an asshole fetish of an abstract type, to marry me.


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## KC (May 5, 2011)

I really really like to believe that I could but I'm certainly not confident at all...

On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, I'm at 2...


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## Resolution (Feb 8, 2010)

10/10 

Finding a life-partner (Or a "love") is the most important thing in all of my dreams and aspirations. Much of what I base my efforts (College, bettering myself, etc) is in the pursuit of this goal.

More than anything, I want love. <3


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## Freeform (Mar 25, 2011)

I imagine it comes down to statistical probability which correlates mainly with personality attributes, intelligence and demographics(though there are likely other factors which I weigh with less consideration). Personally I believe that attraction is not a choice but a "biological disposition" for lack for a better term. Once all biases toward those desirable qualities have been established we can begin to quantify the odds with some certainty. That being said there's an obvious lack of precision of this method I've attempted to devise- however, from what I've gathered my chances of finding a mate that can meet my criteria are rather slim, unfortunately. 

In spite of the odds I can increase my chances by increasing and focusing my energy. For example, I love girls with sexy brains- therefore my best bet is to scope out schools, coffee houses, etc which would surely be more effective than going to bars or dance clubs...not saying they wouldn't congregate there as well but I'm only trying to tilt the numbers in my favor. Still, my biggest problem is I'd rather be reading up on any given subject or immersed in hobbies or left to my own thoughts than trying to seek out potentially interesting people...le sigh.


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## Beefpatrol (Feb 12, 2010)

Feel free to delete this... posted in the wrong place by accident. Apologies.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm extremely confident I can find someone to have coffee with, even to have sex with.

I am at this point quite unsure, though, if I'll ever have a real LTR again. The last one I was in lasted six years, but that was like five years ago now, and I have definitely had boyfriends since then, but nothing lasting more than several months. 

And frankly I'd rather be alone than still be with the guy I was with for 6 years, even though I loved him. 

I got pretty frantic about it for a while, like "onoez I'll never know real love evar again!" but I have dated, as I said, and it's not like I'll go without casual dates or even sex for the rest of my life because I think that's available to any reasonably attractive person who isn't excessively picky.

I'm more and more open to the idea of "welp, if I don't find TRUE LOVEZ what else do I want to do with my life?"

I don't think I want kids anyway - I've intentionally refrained from having them up until this point - so that's not really an issue. I've always thought the world is overpopulated and that having a small baby would be too draining and stressful, and that if I change my mind someday when I'm getting too old, I'll just adopt an older child - say, a kid who is already 3 or 5 or 9.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Hmmm...perhaps a negative four....yea that sounds 'bout right.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

undead said:


> How old are you now? I'm 27.
> 
> Satisfactory marriage is impossible to predict.
> 
> ...


That's really unhealthy. You really need to form some other life goals, and you also probably need to have sex to improve your mood, even if you are having trouble meeting a "life partner."

You know, not everyone gets one...and sometimes people that do make certain sacrifices, like they seriously settle for "okay" because they have very particular goals like having a home and children. I know for a fact that some people settle when they strongly prioritize house and kids.

SO....you can either settle if you really want a family (instead of scouring the world for someone "perfect" you should settle for "nice and shares my goals") ...marriage was a very practical thing even 100 years ago, and even amongst the upper classes.

But if you're not particularly concerned with having a family, and are determined to find the "right" person...just accept that you may have to do other things with your life, and please have some sex so you're not running around being suicidal or homicidal.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

undead said:


> It could be the opposite for me: finding someone that I want to be with, but there's no long term potential.


You know, you're annoyingly defeatist. You're bringing this on yourself. Put some effort into it.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

undead said:


> I just messed around with a girl feelings today (not my girlfriend). So, that's another problem...


That isn't a problem, that's *the* problem.

The problem is you.

There's nothing more annoying than some nerdy guy who complains he can't get a woman, but he sets his standards at some weird unrealistic place (like, he will only accept devastatingly beautiful women even though he isn't devastatingly beautiful - or wealthy - himself) OR he doesn't want any of the women who want him.

Usually people who don't want anyone who wants them have low self-esteem and kind of hate themselves, so they reject anyone who shows a strong interest in them, thinking that they're obviously not good enough if they would want them.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Razare said:


> Scratch what I said before, I don't want a life partner. SCREW THAT.
> 
> Women are just pissing me off with their childish, superficial, and conceited behavior. And I know it's not all of you gals, just the ones I run into.


Because some men are never childish, superficial, or conceited. _Not at all_.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Razare said:


> I'm not that confident about finding a life partner.
> 
> It doesn't have much to do with me, just the people I run into in this crazy world.
> 
> ...


Are you sure it has nothing do with you? Because you're picking the women you approach. If you have standards that realistically might equal superficial bitch, and wonder why she doesn't like you, then you're the one who is shallow...because you're approaching women who look like that.

I can't believe how many guys don't get this.

I've seen guys whine about cute, bubbly women don't want them, but instead want the bad boy or rich guy, but they themselves balk at the idea of dating a girl who is "fat" or who might actually be more equal to them in terms of looks, social status, and personality.

It's like that INTP guy up there who kept whining he was gonna kill himself, but then later revealed that he had just messed with some girls feelings.

No, no you aren't the problem _at all. _At least I've learned to take responsibility for when I chose badly. It's very empowering.


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

Fairly confident.

Is that what I want? That's still up in air.


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## Indy Cat (Nov 14, 2011)

If I wanted one I'd be very confident I'd find one but I don't want one right now thank you:crazy:


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

MisterNi said:


> Yeah, good luck finding someone like that.


I did, thank you for the best wishes


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## 69waystolove (Jun 5, 2011)

Not confident at all...


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## funcoolname (Sep 17, 2011)

@fourtines 










- as someone who has spent probably too much time feeling sorry for themselves


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## Donkey D Kong (Feb 14, 2011)

Not at all.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Perhaps it is just my imagination (or lack of going through all of the pages, but I've gone through most of 'em) but does it seem that there are more men on here that aren't very optimistic than women on here who are pessimistic?


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> I did, thank you for the best wishes


I was being fastidious but good for you. Don't let her get away from you.


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## BusinessMan (Apr 21, 2011)

Most people find someone eventually. So statistically I'm betting that I'm more likely to find someone than not.

I used to consider myself unromantic, and generally thought of romance as a waste of time. This is only because I've seen so many guys get their hearts broken over and over by more than one girl after declaring their love.

However, after some self-reflection over the last month, I realized that I am a romantic idealist. I have a very particular taste in women who I would consider dating longterm, and so far I've met very few who are up to my standards. Everyone else is just short term with minimal emotional attachment.

I think deep down I want that emotional connection with someone, but I'm at peace with the idea of never experiencing it. There's more to life than just romance. But it would be nice to have someone always gunning for me through thick and thin.

Am I confident that I'll find a life partner? Confidence about it has nothing to do with it. None of us can see what the future has in stock for us. I'm confident in myself to go out and meet women though. So when someone comes along I'm not going to be too pussy to talk to her.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

If you dated a girl per day or even just ran into one, from the size of the female population thats over 9208643.156164383561644 years of meeting girls. Those are some pretty good odds right there


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## twoofthree (Aug 6, 2011)

L_Lawliet said:


> Perhaps it is just my imagination (or lack of going through all of the pages, but I've gone through most of 'em) but does it seem that there are more men on here that aren't very optimistic than women on here who are pessimistic?


It's bound to get worse.


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

Presumably that the life long partner is someone who is really into you as much as you are into them too. I do feel more confident now than I did say earlier on this year.  We have hope back in the house! Yay.


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

undead said:


> How confident are you about being able to find a life partner?


Not so much lately... 




undead said:


> why?


Because I've dated my share. Also had a number of serious love relationships facing too many broken promises. I see a lot of people getting married despite their so many broken promises, I just can't. I decided at certain point to date "_really extremely diff women_" but I find it hard to keep my interest on.

And the worst part... I'm losing (I've lost a lot of) interest. I'm an old dog I guess. Sometimes when I sort of date someone I made fun bets with a friend trying to predict what the girls is into... 




undead said:


> I'm not confident, because I'm not sure I would have the capacity for a family, stable life, and long term relationship.
> 
> Then, as a child I never blend in with the average children. So, I don't think I would be able to raise one.


I was concerned about the same but I've been working hard to solve that part (working, saving money, reading books, trainning with little kids -activities-, taking care of my family, etc). I was worried about how would I deal with a family and kids... so at the end you could say I've been training to become a good parent.

But it breaks my heart to find out that most girls have been busy on facebook.... and... that. It kills me when I realize I'm on another level (and I know how that sounds).





undead said:


> So, I don't think I would be able to raise one.


Hold on a second there...

Do you remember many of your friends saying they were going to build a great industry, big company and etc? none did it right? and remember the many who were afraid of doing X or Z.... they are fine. 

I remember many friends talking about their fears and they are the ones doing fine because their fear or concern allowed them to be realistic and take care of working on it. The other ones were so convinced they could do a great job.... that ended messing up.


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## JC22 (Oct 21, 2011)

99% sure .

I don't think I ask for much, but maybe I do. Hmmm.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

I'm not massively confident. For a plethora of reasons:

1. I've not really had the best of luck or experiences with relationships.
2. I don't think I'm ready yet, nor do I think I will be in the near future.
3. I don't think I necessarily believe in all that "love of my life" stuff.
4. I reside in a land with a large divorce rate, so life-partner is evidently a pretty tall order.
5. I'm extremely picky.

Whilst I don't see how I'm likely to meet anyone who overcomes all that soon, I never say never, so meh.


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## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

highlandstorm said:


> I think I eventually will, but not necessarily someone I'm happy with... *I might just marry someone I get along with... *


Found someone like that, we get along amazingly well. We've been hanging out for a few years now, but there is no spark... things are tasteless  so I don't want to take things to the next level.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

highlandstorm said:


> Does it not bother you? I feel awful asking for something I cannot give back.
> 
> Some people seem a lot more selfless in relationships, or expect nothing they can't give.


It's one of those things you learn to compromise. In actuality does not everybody not want things they themselves cannot give back, I know I do. The only difference is that I am more realistic and I know what can and what cannot be.

It's only human to want more.

Love for me is the ability to want to be with someone despite their flaws.


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## VanVinci (Dec 11, 2011)

White Flag.
Long ago.


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## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

Very confident as I_ already have_ found my life partner. This is one of those situations when for a moment I pity romantically inclined people.

Romantic love seems so fleeting and unstable. It seems like it would be impossible to find someone to romantically commit yourself to, who would also do the same for you, and then you'd have to work the rest of your lives to keep that feeling going without falling into the many pitfalls that lay in wait to end, distract, or damage romantic attraction. Especially as I have yet to find a fixed idea of what romantic love even is, how can people commit to something that is so subjective and apt to redefinition? *cough* Anyway...

I had a really easy time deciding who I would spend the rest of my life with because he's my best friend and we don't have romantic feelings between us to complicate things, just a desire to keep each others company for as long as we can and take care of each other, while not being so wrapped up in each other that we expect to live with or otherwise be constantly involved with the other. I can't really imagine why anyone else would want to do it another way and the fact that people seem to be drawn to do it another way _by instinct_ is really, really confusing and tragic to me. 

Then of course, I remember romantic paradigms are overwhelmingly the norm and that I get shit for daring to do something other, and quickly lose all sympathy for the general struggle to find love.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

This is a non-issue for me.

If a life partner is what's right for me down the line, I will find one, no problem. Currently, I am not interested. My first relationship lasted 5 years, so I have a lot to "live" before I settle down =)


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## Everyday Ghoul (Aug 4, 2009)

I've gotten pretty confident. I've been really thorough in my planning; I've got most of the food stocked up, I'm pretty sure the chains I've chosen will hold, and the basement door should be sufficiently reinforced. Now, I just have to find my ideal vic... errr partner.


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## MattNYNC (Sep 22, 2011)

I've not even partaken in any relationships, let alone found a possible life partner. If I try hard enough, I probably could find a decent lady-friend, but I'm not confident at this point in time.


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## Zeptometer (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm quite confident in my abilities to seduce plus, if all goes as planned, I already have found her.


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## caramel_choctop (Sep 20, 2010)

Yeah... not very. *sigh*
Then again, I think being single is preferable in some ways because _people are so troublesome_. And I'd like to have kids, but I don't want to get married and have a family, and then for the relationship to dwindle and end up in divorce.

Aaaand I'm scared of commitment.
So yeah.


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## Erudis (Jan 23, 2011)

Not confident at all. I thought I had found the love of my life once, but it turned out it was just Chuck Testa.


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Erudis said:


> Not confident at all. I thought I had found the love of my life once, but it turned out it was just Chuck Testa.


Chuck Testa?


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## Erudis (Jan 23, 2011)

L_Lawliet said:


> Chuck Testa?


Nope! Chuck Testa | Know Your Meme


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## Duck_of_Death (Jan 21, 2011)

Not very. Love is ephemeral, at best.
And knowing myself quite well, I get sick of a woman as soon as I get her.

*shrugs*


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## ProfessorLiver (Mar 19, 2011)

*How confident are you about being able to find a life partner? 

*It's a bit of grey area for me. I'm not confident about the future in any sphere, because, over the past few months, I've made dramatic personality changes, going from an unsympathetic, rude, boastful, manipulative, annoying jackass. I've become more empathetic, nice, extraverted, positive person. I still retain my wit, and sometimes I'm a smart-ass, and I'm still really cynical, but I don't shove it in people's faces. I can't say for sure that I will or won't find a "life partner", because, reflecting on how much I've changed, the chances of me finding one could increase or decrease based on where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, et cetera. 

If I were to stay the exact way I am right now, I'd say my chances were moderate. The fact that, most of the time, the closer someone gets to me, the less I trust them could be very problematic.


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## CynicallyNaive (Jan 18, 2011)

I really need like a thermometer meter (not the right term) so i can track this day to day, and go back and track my ups and downs.

Estimated probability of not dying alone today: 40%.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

very sure, im married, and even if i wasnt i know i could find someone i care about and would be happy with. The world is filled with people you are bound to run into at least one that you have a deep connection with.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

ProfessorLiver said:


> *How confident are you about being able to find a life partner?
> 
> *It's a bit of grey area for me. I'm not confident about the future in any sphere, because, over the past few months, I've made dramatic personality changes, going from an unsympathetic, rude, boastful, manipulative, annoying jackass. I've become more empathetic, nice, extraverted, positive person. I still retain my wit, and sometimes I'm a smart-ass, and I'm still really cynical, but I don't shove it in people's faces. I can't say for sure that I will or won't find a "life partner", because, reflecting on how much I've changed, the chances of me finding one could increase or decrease based on where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, et cetera.
> 
> If I were to stay the exact way I am right now, I'd say my chances were moderate. The fact that, most of the time, the closer someone gets to me, the less I trust them could be very problematic.


why do you trust them less?


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## ProfessorLiver (Mar 19, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> why do you trust them less?


No idea. Just a phenomenon I've observed upon reflection.


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## Mendi the ISFJ (Jul 28, 2011)

ProfessorLiver said:


> No idea. Just a phenomenon I've observed upon reflection.


well stop it. XD


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## ProfessorLiver (Mar 19, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> well stop it. XD


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## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Mendi the ISFJ said:


> The world is filled with people you are bound to run into at least one that you have a deep connection with.


The biggest problem isn't that there are a number of people you _could_ have a connection with, it's that you have to _find_ them first. That requires you and that other person being in the exact same place at the exact same time. Then there are all of these other variables to consider, are you in a good mood that day or is that day going to be jackass day? Same goes for them. It might be more subtle as just sulking and/or not paying attention to when you actually do find them (or in this particular instance just not catch on). 

Then of course when everything, against all odds, lines up.... they're not single:dry:


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## Meowmixmuffin (Dec 10, 2011)

..eh, "content" is the wrong way to put it. I could accept it. xP


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## CoopV (Nov 6, 2011)

I'm not that confident just because I don't feel that need. Maybe it's because I used to obsess so much over it and become so disappointed so often that I got turned off by the idea.


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## Coccinellidae (Mar 16, 2010)

I really do not bother myself about thinking that. I have no idea what will happen in the future. If I will be single my whole life - okay, what can you do, If I will be not - it is okay too though life would be less lonely.


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## Afruabarkio (May 29, 2011)

I'm absolutely confident since it's a personal decision. How could I not be confident?


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## error (Feb 10, 2011)

It's probably the most important thing for me right now... so, no... it wont happen. I know that I need to work on other aspects in my life before a relationship will work out. It's not something you can search for, it just has to happen naturally... yet I keep making the same mistakes.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Actually I take that back, I am confident in finding many life partners, just wont be reciprocal.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Afruabarkio said:


> I'm absolutely confident since it's a personal decision. How could I not be confident?


 Next comes competency, which takes a lifetime to learn for anyone.


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## Afruabarkio (May 29, 2011)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> Next comes competency, which takes a lifetime to learn for anyone.


You don't need anything but being yourself.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

Afruabarkio said:


> You don't need anything but being yourself.


 /kid runs in screaming and throwing stuff, pooping on the floor while the wife has a nervous breakdown

As I sit there watching asking myself "Did being just myself prepare me for this?"


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## Afruabarkio (May 29, 2011)

Thomas D M Thompson said:


> /kid runs in screaming and throwing stuff, pooping on the floor while the wife has a nervous breakdown
> 
> As I sit there watching asking myself "Did being just myself prepare me for this?"


The title of the thread it's talking about finding a life partner, not about having kids.


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## Eerie (Feb 9, 2011)

I'm sitting next to him right now :happy:


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## CzystaMilosc (Jan 1, 2012)

Not confident at all, not at all.


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## Thomas D M Thompson (Sep 14, 2011)

What about multiple life partners?


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## Miriamisfj (Apr 13, 2010)

Confident, It may come when not expected but untill I can find someone I am willing to commit to and who is willing to commit to me - I have wonderful friends

I really want to have kids at some point in my life so I hope. Im 20 I have enough time to wait


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## Doodle (Jan 10, 2012)

Im 90% sure im gonna grow old alone lol unless im pretty much forced into a marriage. I find it hard enough asking a girl to 'pass me the salt' let alone 'will you marry me' haha. Plus the thought of that commitment is absolutely terrifying, unless i find the perfect girl who gets me, i seriously doubt il ever marry


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## Grac3 (Dec 14, 2011)

I'm not real confident about finding a life partner. At least, not a satisfying one. I mean sure, there are plenty of nice guys out there to choose from, but I could never marry just any of them. I could never settle. If I did, I feel like I would always feel that I made a huge mistake. Or I would run into the problem of meeting the right one after the fact. I just haven't really met that many guys that I have been able to connect with. I realize that we're not going to connect on every level, and that's fine. I don't know. It just seems like the ones that are attracted to me, I'm usually not attracted to. Or if we are both attracted to each other, they usually also happen to be in a relationship at the time, so what's the point? And I'm not intentionally trying to find guys that are unattainable. It just seems like that's usually always the way that it turns out. I know I'm young and I have time, but I guess I'm just not feeling very hopeful at the moment. But I would rather be idealistic than desperate.


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## QueCueYew (Aug 20, 2010)

not confident at aaalllllll.

aside from dropping out of college i feel my brain slipping away from me with each passing year. it's one thing to be educated through the proper facilitation of high school but i hadn't even aspired for this, revealing the fact that it were due to an incredibly generous teacher who let me re-do some assignments the day PRIOR to graduation which allowed me to walk in the first place. lurking around okcupid (in a totally non-creepy way) only furthers my resolution that i might be alone for a while until i get my shit aligned. all the women who are worth the effort have diplomas, lead interesting lives, and have a head on their shoulders. if their life were juxtapose with mine it would surely be a clash, more so with a morose self-perception and an outlook on life on the verge of apathy to purty much a lot of things. with reality in the picture i haven't a job too, in the now i'm sort of despising sex, and man is this some blahrgindehargin spiel. but yeah, temporary as everything is, i've got a lot of corrections to make to realign my chi for some positivity.


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## bread1969 (Jan 10, 2011)

I'm confident that commitment to an entire lifetime with another person is a setup for failure. I currently entered my second union with another person, but we both agree to no lifetime commitments. Commitments don't support authenticity...imho.


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## bromide (Nov 28, 2011)

I am not confident at all. I'm actually preparing myself to be alone for the rest of my life, peppered by the occasional one nighter or fuck buddy which has been what my last few years have been like. I really want love very much but I am a hard person to get to know and very emotionally closeted with a lot of fear in romantic interaction.


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## traceur (Jan 19, 2012)

i'm pretty sure i already have. it requires a lot of relationship and we may have a long way to go before we can get together again, but she's totally worth every effort.

the probability of us finding each other and getting together and overcoming all that we had to overcome was really close to zero, and we still did, mountains where moved, oceans where crossed and walls have being broken, and every minute with her made it worth it. my Fe has definetly being stretched beyond any previously known limits it ever had.


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