# INFJs tend to become like mentors to INFP friends sometimes?



## Hero of Freedom (Nov 23, 2014)

Do you think that INFJs tend to become like mentors to INFPs when they become friends if asked for help or advice? Or just specifically for the type 6 INFPs?

This is from my experience, when I look for guidance and I asked an INFJ friend for it they are helpful. It becomes like a Mentor-Apprentice relation in that aspect.

Reminds me a bit of how in literature(Star Wars):









Anyone else have this experience? Or is it just me?


----------



## Val37 (Jan 24, 2015)

I'm not aware of any INFJs in my life, or any other NFs in my life for that matter. But for what it's worth, I find myself counseling others in my life. I tested as a type 1 enneagram btw. The only other person that guides me is my INTJ cousin.

Honestly, after hanging out on PerC for the past week or two, I've become a bit perplexed on my type. Curious to see how INFJs and INFPs relate to one another in real life.


----------



## TuesdaysChild (Jan 11, 2014)

I tend to think it depends on what you're seeking. If you want to present a situation in order to find answers, go to an INFJ. If you just want to waffle on and have someone listen without interruption (other than the occasional word to signify they're still listening), go to an INFP. That's not to compare the one to the other, just what I've noticed is the style of each in my own experience. There's a place for both. Sometimes we get stuck and need help finding an answer. Sometimes we want to work things out on our own, but this being a rather impersonal world, it's nice to have someone listen for as long as you need. Just being heard can make you feel like you actually exist.


----------



## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

In my experience Js in general seem to naturally fall into these patterns of relationships where they take on a kind of mentor/parent roll (whether the other person wants it or not). They seem to like imparting their knowledge, and often seem more certain on what is right or what should be done which they are willing to share with others. 

I also find that INFPs often find themselves in relationships where they feel like they are seen as the child, which we are sometimes comfortable being and other times resent even if the other person isn't aware of that. And as mentioned above, INFPs tend to take on the roll of 'sounding board' (rather than mentor), and when asked for advice are likely to simply talk through all the different angles of something without handing someone a specific conclusion or decisive advice. INFPs to tend to be good councelors due to being good, accepting, safe listeners who can make insightful suggestions and observations, but they usually don't have a very clear guiding hand, it's more a matter of behind the scenes encouragement based on what someone has shared. I'm not sure whether INFJs are similar in their counceling style, but my guess would be that they would more actively guide, and possibly volunteer their help rather than wait to be asked for advice. 

In any case, if an INFP is looking for guidance they seem more likely to turn to other feelers or other NFs in particular because they often feel more 'safe' and less likely to just criticize or misunderstand or oversimplify. So it does seem likely for an INFJ to end up mentoring an INFP.


----------



## nichya (Jul 12, 2014)

It depends I guess. My ESTJ friends listens to me a great deal and give advice. I don't usually take advice though, I like to observe people and take wisdom rather. Only very rare occasions on trying to understand the nature of me and someone from a 3rd and more grounded point of view.

I usually have that with INTJs, they always want to mentor me and play the benefactor. I am too much keen on my independence to ask for help or even accept most times but INTJs make me feel at ease. They also like to do activities that I will enjoy ) INTJs are precious  Also they are not at all demanding or giving orders. They are very subtle. 

ENTJs I have known in real life love to hear my ideas and -suggest- self improving opportunities with a lot of I believe in you and your ways speech, even when they are apart and we haven't seen each other in forever. They often get inspired by my ridiculous self expression -for reals- and I can even see it in their life, they take INFPs very serious the rare times they do take anyone serious I suppose

Hmm this may not be an INFP thing but I have learnt to talk sense into INTPs. INTPs can be very open minded if you can redeem emotions and criticism in an analytic way.

INFJs usually like to hear my opinion, I can't say they apply it though, it seems like they do value it and will confirm you were right perhaps it is the Ne pointing something they haven't considered. But I still doubt the applying part  Actually all my relationship with INFJs have been that way, indeed I was given suggestions a ton by them but to be honest I found it ridiculous because they have a very -thinking- and -narrow logic- style when I go with whatever -feels- right. Like I can not ever make a pros cons list or I can't put practicality over romance. But I like listening to them, they are insightful and not skin-deep


----------



## Runemarks (Jul 23, 2012)

I had a type 6 INFJ friend. I didn't see her as a mentor. She idolized me, constantly asked for my advice and thought she didn't have the permission to do anything unless I agreed with her, though.


----------



## Summery (Mar 29, 2014)

Depends on the INFJ in question. I have a female INFJ - friend, we're get along very well, but there's never a mentoring thing.  I haven't really see her mentoring someone btw. But she's a very friendly and warm girl, she's mostly small - talking along with our ISFJ - friends. The annoying thing in this is, they talk and talk and talk, and we're quite a sounding - bord, listening to others. We never display much of ourselves, we kind of blend over to Si - Fe. So I should take her out with my INFP - friend. Haven't seen much xNFJ displayed on her. Like the male - ENFJ's I came across.... But I don't know their mentoring and reaching out that much, was a male (/female) thing or an ENFJ - thing.
I also know one INFJ quite well, so, of course I can't generalize based on my friend.


----------



## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

Aelthwyn said:


> In my experience Js in general seem to naturally fall into these patterns of relationships where they take on a kind of mentor/parent roll (whether the other person wants it or not). They seem to like imparting their knowledge, and often seem more certain on what is right or what should be done which they are willing to share with others.
> 
> I also find that INFPs often find themselves in relationships where they feel like they are seen as the child, which we are sometimes comfortable being and other times resent even if the other person isn't aware of that. And as mentioned above, INFPs tend to take on the roll of 'sounding board' (rather than mentor), and when asked for advice are likely to simply talk through all the different angles of something without handing someone a specific conclusion or decisive advice. INFPs to tend to be good councelors due to being good, accepting, safe listeners who can make insightful suggestions and observations, but they usually don't have a very clear guiding hand, it's more a matter of behind the scenes encouragement based on what someone has shared. I'm not sure whether INFJs are similar in their counceling style, but my guess would be that they would more actively guide, and possibly volunteer their help rather than wait to be asked for advice.
> 
> In any case, if an INFP is looking for guidance they seem more likely to turn to other feelers or other NFs in particular because they often feel more 'safe' and less likely to just criticize or misunderstand or oversimplify. So it does seem likely for an INFJ to end up mentoring an INFP.


That resonates a lot with me. I often feel like the child, partly because of my passiveness, despite the fact I might be more intelligent.'

Online I tend to fall into the counselling/mentor role, because it's easier for people to actually listen to what I say. I often just try to fully understand the situation, but if I feel I have any insights or possible advice I might offer it, but seldom in a pressuring way.


----------



## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

It depends, I like the support as a type 6 but don't like to be imposed on. I wander if this is a common issue with INFP/INFJ where the INFP may seek some type of understanding and is attracted in the beginning only to detach when Fe in the INFJ becomes to judgemental and imposing to what is natural to the INFP and the INFJ feeling maybe out of the loop because Fi doesn't always put their cards down on the table… Just one perspective though because there's always a number of dynamics in play in human relationships.


----------



## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

mushr00m said:


> It depends, I like the support as a type 6 but don't like to be imposed on. I wander if this is a common issue with INFP/INFJ where the INFP may seek some type of understanding and is attracted in the beginning only to detach when Fe in the INFJ becomes to judgemental and imposing to what is natural to the INFP and the INFJ feeling maybe out of the loop because Fi doesn't always put their cards down on the table… Just one perspective though because there's always a number of dynamics in play in human relationships.


INFPs seem to want the attention but not necessarily to be actually helped.


----------



## TuesdaysChild (Jan 11, 2014)

The Nameless Composer said:


> INFPs seem to want the attention but not necessarily to be actually helped.


Hmmm.... I don't think of it as "wanting attention" (mostly because there's negative connotations in our society with simply wanting attention.) What I find in my own experience is that my communication style is often mistaken for being dramatic or wanting attention when really, I'm just sharing what's on my mind like anyone else. I just have different things on my mind than other people. I find that when I'm communicating, I add a lot of imagery to what I'm saying because I'm actually describing the imagery in my mind simultaneously that correlates with the subject I'm talking about. This tends to make what I'm saying sound very dramatic (especially if I'm communicating in writing), but from my end, it's completely normal and nothing to be on the radar about. From my perspective, it's no different than someone talking about their favorite sports team or what they think about politics. But since most people aren't comfortable with my "style" of communication, they sometimes mistake it as wanting attention when really, what I'm talking about is likely of no particular consequence. 

And then comes the issue of said person assuming I'm reaching out for help or answers and then trying to respond in kind. There begins the cycle of frustration on the part of both with one just wanting to talk and the other wanting to cut it off and give advice.

When I stated above that INFPs are good at listening to people talk for as long as they need, it helps to turn that inside out and understand that it works as a two-way street as well. It's likely when an INFP is talking and sharing their thoughts, they're just communicating and fostering a bond with the listener, not necessarily wanting help or answers. We just don't talk about the same things most people talk about, so the usual indicators that, oh, this person is just shooting the breeze or passing time aren't as apparent as with most. All I can really do is try to identify when I'm talking to someone who doesn't recognize what I'm actually doing when I'm sharing my thoughts and, simply, don't get very deep with that person. It's kind of a bummer if it's someone I really want to connect with, but on the other hand, I don't need someone thinking I'm always asking for help either.


----------



## The Nameless Composer (Sep 20, 2014)

AlliG said:


> Hmmm.... I don't think of it as "wanting attention" (mostly because there's negative connotations in our society with simply wanting attention.) What I find in my own experience is that my communication style is often mistaken for being dramatic or wanting attention when really, I'm just sharing what's on my mind like anyone else. I just have different things on my mind than other people. I find that when I'm communicating, I add a lot of imagery to what I'm saying because I'm actually describing the imagery in my mind simultaneously that correlates with the subject I'm talking about. This tends to make what I'm saying sound very dramatic (especially if I'm communicating in writing), but from my end, it's completely normal and nothing to be on the radar about. From my perspective, it's no different than someone talking about their favorite sports team or what they think about politics. But since most people aren't comfortable with my "style" of communication, they sometimes mistake it as wanting attention when really, what I'm talking about is likely of no particular consequence.
> 
> And then comes the issue of said person assuming I'm reaching out for help or answers and then trying to respond in kind. There begins the cycle of frustration on the part of both with one just wanting to talk and the other wanting to cut it off and give advice.
> 
> When I stated above that INFPs are good at listening to people talk for as long as they need, it helps to turn that inside out and understand that it works as a two-way street as well. It's likely when an INFP is talking and sharing their thoughts, they're just communicating and fostering a bond with the listener, not necessarily wanting help or answers. We just don't talk about the same things most people talk about, so the usual indicators that, oh, this person is just shooting the breeze or passing time aren't as apparent as with most. All I can really do is try to identify when I'm talking to someone who doesn't recognize what I'm actually doing when I'm sharing my thoughts and, simply, don't get very deep with that person. It's kind of a bummer if it's someone I really want to connect with, but on the other hand, I don't need someone thinking I'm always asking for help either.


No I totally relate. I tend to be very vivid and descriptive too, and that probably has worried people haha. And yeah, it's like me and my mother who I think is ISFJ. I'll just want to share my thoughts, feelings.etc, and it's not necessarily asking for advice, but without thinking she just gives advice.etc, as if everything is a cry for help. 

For some people everything you say has to have a 'purpose' or 'meaning' that is explicit and has to be responded to.


----------



## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I don't like being given advice. It's usually because almost no one can think of something I haven't thought of yet. That sounds arrogant, but in reality, we are talking about MY problems, which Ive naturally ruminated on extensively. If Ive even gotten to the point of voicing them, then its because they are complex and not easily solved. This means most advice from others is trite, hollow, or severely underestimating or oversimplifying. 

It's more helpful to me when someone gives me a new way of looking at a situation, because Im probably in some Fi-Si loop and just need to jumpstart Ne. You'd think a Ne-Dom would do it, but no. 

I never find an INFJ to say anything I haven't thought of myself. I find ENFJs more insightful, likey because they can offer an extroverted perspective, and they strike me as more rational. Otherwise, it's often another INFP who gives me an insight I need to shift gears and get moving towards a solution. 

Much of the time, when I do want advice, then it's for practical stuff, and then no one wants to help. Everyone wants to play philosopher, but they don't want to help with the mundane tasks. That's actually my weak point and where I'd benefit from some expertise, but everyone else thinks it's common sense, I guess.


----------



## Lunaena (Nov 16, 2013)

I have never had an INFJ friend in real life, but my ENFJ best friend in real life is always very protective of me. I am a type 4w5, though.


----------



## tiredsighs (Aug 31, 2011)

I only know of one INFJ in my life and I would never seek advice from them. 

If anything, in the past, they sought advice from me. And it was terribly, horribly awkward.


----------



## sacrosanctsun (May 20, 2014)

Two INFJ's in my life have come to me for advice. One asked for advice for writing. The other wanted advice that had to do with making a friendly impression upon others. Unbeknownst to me at the time, these two were experiencing a struggle with anxiety. 

They never really mentored me, but we did like sharing current interests. I really enjoyed sharing newly discovered music and story ideas.


----------



## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

AlliG said:


> Hmmm.... I don't think of it as "wanting attention" (mostly because there's negative connotations in our society with simply wanting attention.) What I find in my own experience is that my communication style is often mistaken for being dramatic or wanting attention when really, I'm just sharing what's on my mind like anyone else. I just have different things on my mind than other people. I find that when I'm communicating, I add a lot of imagery to what I'm saying because I'm actually describing the imagery in my mind simultaneously that correlates with the subject I'm talking about. This tends to make what I'm saying sound very dramatic (especially if I'm communicating in writing), but from my end, it's completely normal and nothing to be on the radar about. From my perspective, it's no different than someone talking about their favorite sports team or what they think about politics. But since most people aren't comfortable with my "style" of communication, they sometimes mistake it as wanting attention when really, what I'm talking about is likely of no particular consequence.
> 
> And then comes the issue of said person assuming I'm reaching out for help or answers and then trying to respond in kind. There begins the cycle of frustration on the part of both with one just wanting to talk and the other wanting to cut it off and give advice.
> 
> When I stated above that INFPs are good at listening to people talk for as long as they need, it helps to turn that inside out and understand that it works as a two-way street as well. It's likely when an INFP is talking and sharing their thoughts, they're just communicating and fostering a bond with the listener, not necessarily wanting help or answers. We just don't talk about the same things most people talk about, so the usual indicators that, oh, this person is just shooting the breeze or passing time aren't as apparent as with most. All I can really do is try to identify when I'm talking to someone who doesn't recognize what I'm actually doing when I'm sharing my thoughts and, simply, don't get very deep with that person. It's kind of a bummer if it's someone I really want to connect with, but on the other hand, I don't need someone thinking I'm always asking for help either.


In other words, others' communication is plain Cheerios, but yours is Lucky Charms (magically delicious!)

And I've heard other INFPs indicate, that often, the very process of organizing one's ...oops, almost said "thoughts" :wink:, better make that "feelings" ... helps one to get over the hump in order to decide WHICH direction to lay one's path in.

(dutifully scribbles notes)


----------



## TuesdaysChild (Jan 11, 2014)

g_w said:


> In other words, others' communication is plain Cheerios, but yours is Lucky Charms (magically delicious!)
> 
> And I've heard other INFPs indicate, that often, the very process of organizing one's ...oops, almost said "thoughts" :wink:, better make that "feelings" ... helps one to get over the hump in order to decide WHICH direction to lay one's path in.
> 
> (dutifully scribbles notes)


Tis true! Tis true! My merry lad, tis true! Though I'm rather direct an unambiguous when I do approach another for advice/input/cereal recommendations


----------



## g_w (Apr 16, 2013)

AlliG said:


> Tis true! Tis true! My merry lad, tis true! Though I'm rather direct an unambiguous when I do approach another for advice/input/cereal recommendations


Three simple words of advice.

Cracklin' Oat Bran.


----------

