# How Do You Woo?



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

I want to know how you have wooed, are wooing, will woo, or would have wooed your ideal romantic partner or your real life romantic partner? Wooing and pursuing. How's it done, NT style? Walk me through your process (mental and concrete). I'm interested. Please do tell all.


----------



## briarrose73 (Feb 22, 2016)

I don't woo. I'm terrible at it. I've tried, and it comes across as awkward and maybe a little stalker-ish (mainly because I pay attention, and know a lot more about people than they realize).

To woo an NT though, I think is to appeal especially to the T (I'm Te, so it makes sense that it's a good way to interact with others). I love intellectual conversation, even if it's not that smart (i.e. about movies or books), but done so in an intellectual way. I want to talk about the scientific possibility of living in space and the xeno-phobic reality of living in an interconnected galaxy and stuff like that. 

I've had people try to be "romantic" with me before, like opening the car door, getting flowers, or saying I look pretty. Honestly, it makes me really uncomfortable because I don't know how to respond back. I think that when I'm presented with those stereotypical "romantic" things, I think my date expects me to reciprocate in the same, "romantic" way, i.e. being caring and nice and girly. I would much rather wear holey jeans and argue about an Ironman vs. Thor battle at McDonalds than a fancy dinner any day. 

As I'm writing this, I think my thesis comes down to the fact that being genuine is sexy. To me, the way people act on dates isn't genuine. It's just a false front. I'd rather see my date as they are, not some stylized person that they're trying to be. The skeptic that I am, I rarely trust people on dates because I know they're trying to act better than they are. I don't care how nice/chivalrous/appropriate that you can try to act. I want to know how you really act, then we can actually get somewhere. 

As a sidenote, for me personally, buying someone flowers is like throwing away cash. They're going to die anyways, so why not invest in something that's going to wilt, like a book or a day at mini-golf. I think things like that depend on the person, though. For instance, my mom loves getting flowers.


----------



## Marvin the Dendroid (Sep 10, 2015)

I just go woo-hoo... Sims-style.


----------



## Solrac026 (Mar 6, 2012)

....with my mouth... ( ie, I don't woo.)


----------



## stiletto (Oct 26, 2013)

HAHAHAHA

I just turned and asked my husband, "How do I woo you?"

"You don't." 

:laughing:


----------



## ThisIsNotBrittany (Feb 4, 2016)

Sometimes I try to be romantical, focus my efforts to make sure they feel nice and secure, but then they always ruin it by pleading to me with this untie them nonsense. \=


----------



## Punniez (Jun 23, 2015)




----------



## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Sturgess said:


> I want to know how you have wooed, are wooing, will woo, or would have wooed your ideal romantic partner or your real life romantic partner? Wooing and pursuing. How's it done, NT style? Walk me through your process (mental and concrete). I'm interested. Please do tell all.


I don't. 

Why is ''woo'ing'' necessary .. (?) It is an utter waste of time. 

You either wanna fuck or no. 

If the answer is 'yes' - that is when the ''romance'' kick(s) in.

If you asking how I caught the fish / nailed my (ex) + past affair(s) - I made her laugh for approximately for many hour(s) straight + discussed odd topics; not purposely, just merely talking in my normal state of mind; oddly she found it ''funny''; granted. She was VERY silly - completely not my type; perhaps that's what ''woo'd'' me in then, granted, she was sucking up my thought-ranting like a sponge + with ease; then counter attacking my point(s) with silliness / laughing but respectful + helpful ideas. This was very subconciously attractive for me; as very few listen to INTJ rant without criticizing + disgust / disinterest /* boredom.* 

Afterward; the 2nd night was the same process. Estatic + emotionally _clueless_ me, did not make a ''romantic'' move until a few month(s) down the line. That is when I really began to 'woo' purposefully, I thought it was utter nonsense +_ waste_, she sucked it up like an appreciative sponge; she was not (NT / ST) so perhaps, that's why. A year later, we sealed it.

I suspect I was ''woo'ing'' by _accident_, as I had no real intention(s).

Years later, she confessed because of this eccentricity (via) my personality, she masturbated to me the *1st night* meeting. At first, it was rather _odd _.. (?) Usually, with male specimen it is to appearance; flatterly, I thought perhaps I was just extremely good looking; no, it was ''humor'' she was masturbating to. I simply left, with ''cool.'' - She left and masturbated; odd but better than those cardboard / sandy - demi's with 0 sex drive, that's fer sure.

Still this was 'odd' + rather _weird _.. (?) As I was still ''random stranger'' status; some time later (i.e., battling her sexuality) - she then came out as being Demisexual - so that explain(s) that. I suppose ''masturbating'' to _personalities_ is really thing - I cannot baffle it, however, I just thought she was hot shit & a tad stuck-up / silly.

So, there is _that,_ I suppose.

I think I ''woo'' better w/out forced ''woo'ing''. If I attempted to actively 'woo' a non-partner, it would be completely embarrassing + overboard / pointless - I rather *catch* the fish, before I start discussing ways to cook it, 'thanks. It appear(s) ''being in my innate state'' (i.e., is more successful) - than the latter.


----------



## Acrylic (Dec 14, 2015)

Sturgess said:


> I want to know how you have wooed, are wooing, will woo, or would have wooed your ideal romantic partner or your real life romantic partner? Wooing and pursuing. How's it done, NT style? Walk me through your process (mental and concrete). I'm interested. Please do tell all.


To be honest I'd like to coo with my baby tonight
And pitch the woo with my baby tonight
But I ain't up to my baby tonight
Cause it's tooooo darn hot
It's TOO darn hot
IT'S TOO DARN HOT


----------



## maybird (Jan 22, 2016)

I won over my INTP by fixing things that were annoying to him, providing him with sustenance, asking for his help and opinions on things (to show that I valued his input), and talking about random intellectual/theoretical crap with him (which meant he actually responded). I'd say that's probably a pretty typical INTJ woo.


----------



## IAmBored (Nov 20, 2015)

http://i.imgur.com/NFhrb.gif

I prefer the direct approach.


----------



## Necrofantasia (Feb 26, 2014)

How do I do it? I become a puppy that wants to learn about you and asks a ton of questions. 

It doesn't always work, it often just creeps people out u_u.


----------



## starwars (Sep 5, 2014)

Nell said:


> How do I do it? I become a puppy that wants to learn about you and asks a ton of questions.
> 
> It doesn't always work, it often just creeps people out u_u.


xD I become overly obsessive at times....and scare then away
oops


----------



## Elistra (Apr 6, 2013)

I don't. I can't flirt worth shit. :laughing:


----------



## Miss Anne Thrope (May 2, 2015)

I'm just cute enough that I get away with being odd, clueless and severely lacking in social skills. I make the "scatterbrain jane" thing work for me.
:hampster:


----------



## lookslikeiwin (May 6, 2014)

Heh I don't woo. I'm terrible at it. I lured my man in by not being super emotional, plus not expecting him to read my mind.

My husband makes more attempts to be romantic than I do.


----------



## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

I morph into a cat


----------



## CTRLvector (Jan 28, 2016)

I like to feign disinterest so that I can be the runner, then for some reason I become disinterested, maybe because I'm acting like it I don't know.

Either way, I'll employ tact, there is nothing worse than being on the losing end of a chase for a significant other that you genuinely love, it's absolutely caustic, damaging in every way.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

maybird said:


> I won over my INTP by fixing things that were annoying to him, providing him with sustenance, asking for his help and opinions on things (to show that I valued his input), and talking about random intellectual/theoretical crap with him (which meant he actually responded). I'd say that's probably a pretty typical INTJ woo.


Thanks for sharing! I have read elsewhere that INTJs show their love by innovating ways to make their Love Interest's life easier or simpler.


----------



## littlequirkythings (Apr 9, 2016)

I seduce them with my awkwardness.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

CTRLvector said:


> I like to feign disinterest so that I can be the runner, then for some reason I become disinterested, maybe because I'm acting like it I don't know.
> 
> Either way, I'll employ tact, there is nothing worse than being on the losing end of a chase for a significant other that you genuinely love, it's absolutely caustic, damaging in every way.


Thank you for sharing. Your experience, I think, sheds light on a past experience of mine. The only INTP guy who's ever befriended me always kept me guessing. To this day, I don't know in what way or even _if_ he liked me_ at all_. Sometimes, he was extremely interested in everything that I said and would respond to and argue with me enthusiastically, flirting and teasing. At other times, he was TOTALLY disinterested in me, even _ignoring_ me. Even when he was responsive to me, his behavior, his words, his whole manner of acting towards myself could always be mistaken for simple friendliness, nothing more. Once, without being provoked to do so, he offered to do a pretty big favor for me. I thanked him, but refused his offer. After some reflection, I now believe that his offer was more meaningful to him than I had at first supposed it to be. I only hope that I did not unwittingly cause him some caustic damage.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

littlequirkythings said:


> I seduce them with my awkwardness.


Each person is charming in their own way, and for some, awkwardness is adorably charming. I can attest to this truth, as I have before been charmed by the adorable awkwardness of some people!


----------



## CTRLvector (Jan 28, 2016)

Sturgess said:


> Thank you for sharing. Your experience, I think, sheds light on a past experience of mine. The only INTP guy who's ever befriended me always kept me guessing. To this day, I don't know in what way or even _if_ he liked me_ at all_. Sometimes, he was extremely interested in everything that I said and would respond to and argue with me enthusiastically, flirting and teasing. At other times, he was TOTALLY disinterested in me, even _ignoring_ me. Even when he was responsive to me, his behavior, his words, his whole manner of acting towards myself could always be mistaken for simple friendliness, nothing more. Once, without being provoked to do so, he offered to do a pretty big favor for me. I thanked him, but refused his offer. After some reflection, I now believe that his offer was more meaningful to him than I had at first supposed it to be. I only hope that I did not unwittingly cause him some caustic damage.


Yeah it's difficult to know anyones motives, especially in relationships. I mean, the process of bonding is so hopelessly convoluted that even the person themselves might not understand why they're behaving a certain way. Despite what people commonly believe, a lot of what we do is subconsciously processed, most commonly known as baggage.

Really, of all the obsessions to find a girl and build a life, all the thought, and all the good intentions, all the work, all the pain. I wish I could offer better advice than a veritable shrug of the shoulders. I can appreciate how you handled the relationship, it didn't seem healthy, I think the guy needs personal growth. Sometimes failure is better than success, so long as the lessons are learned with a humble perspective.


----------



## 1000BugsNightSky (May 8, 2014)

I use glitter mascara and bat my eyelashes 6 times in slow motion.


----------



## IDontThinkSo (Aug 24, 2011)

Earthious said:


> I use glitter mascara and bat my eyelashes 6 times in slow motion.


It's the only way.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

CTRLvector said:


> Yeah it's difficult to know anyones motives, especially in relationships. I mean, the process of bonding is so hopelessly convoluted that even the person themselves might not understand why they're behaving a certain way. Despite what people commonly believe, a lot of what we do is subconsciously processed, most commonly known as baggage.
> 
> Really, of all the obsessions to find a girl and build a life, all the thought, and all the good intentions, all the work, all the pain. I wish I could offer better advice than a veritable shrug of the shoulders. I can appreciate how you handled the relationship, it didn't seem healthy, I think the guy needs personal growth. Sometimes failure is better than success, so long as the lessons are learned with a humble perspective.


I think that we humans are often at the mercy of our subconscious, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships, however much we protest that we freely choose all of our actions! I do think, however, that to come to a place where one is master of oneself, even of the subconscious, is possible, but it may take a lifetime to do so, and a lot of digging deep, and a lot of divine intervention.

Thank you; I didn't embarrass myself, which I was most grateful of. I was sad to lose his friendship, however, because I had never before experienced such lively and kind debating as with my INTP friend! We could disagree and continue debating without a trace of hostility, on the contrary, always with affection. I suppose this is a skill of those with your personality type? Even though I know it would _sometimes_ cost them dearly to do so, I wish for my own sake that men would explicitly and clearly state their love to me more often! More often than not, the signals are mixed, stirred together with a smattering of safety net signals. If I could give any advice to men, it would be to "Take courage!"


----------



## CTRLvector (Jan 28, 2016)

Sturgess said:


> I think that we humans are often at the mercy of our subconscious, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships, however much we protest that we freely choose all of our actions! I do think, however, that to come to a plce where one is master of oneself, even of the subconscious, is possible, but it may take a lifetime to do so, and a lot of digging deep, and a lot of divine intervention.
> 
> Thank you; I didn't embarrass myself, which I was most grateful of. I was sad to lose his friendship, however, because I had never before experienced such lively and kind debating as with my INTP friend! We could disagree and continue debating without a trace of hostility, on the contrary, always with affection. I suppose this is a skill of those with your personality type? Even though I know it would _sometimes_ cost them dearly to do so, I wish for my own sake that men would explicitly and clearly state their love to me more often! More often than not, the signals are mixed, stirred together with a smattering of safety net signals. If I could give any advice to men, it would be to "Take courage!"


Yeah, I always like to ask the question, or state for the record, which comes off as too formal and out of the realm of what is normal. Which is to say, just going in for the kill with passion, as opposed to permission lol. I prefer the latter.

Which is weird, because I'm highly impulsive. 

I'm less turbulent with my debates, more assertive, I like to debate the topic playfully, and then show whatever solid evidence I can to make it irrefutable. I guess kind of like a cat, but yes, never with any anger or frustration. If you get that way in a debate, in my opinion, you've already lost by way of fouling the process.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

CTRLvector said:


> Yeah, I always like to ask the question, or state for the record, which comes off as too formal and out of the realm of what is normal. Which is to say, just going in for the kill with passion, as opposed to permission lol. I prefer the latter.
> 
> Which is weird, because I'm highly impulsive.
> 
> I'm less turbulent with my debates, more assertive, I like to debate the topic playfully, and then show whatever solid evidence I can to make it irrefutable. I guess kind of like a cat, but yes, never with any anger or frustration. If you get that way in a debate, in my opinion, you've already lost by way of fouling the process.


I think I understand, and I agree, that stating one's love seems too stiff or formal; but not so if a declaration of love arises from a passionate impulse! _That_, to me, is romantic. I suppose it is best to go with impulsivity at times. But the awkwardness and high-stakes vulnerability of romantic situations often make people over think everything and sometimes even renders them psychologically paralyzed.

Ah, to argue with a rational creature, to find like-mindedness in kindness and affirmation of the other person, even when there is dissent on the subject discussed: I find that to be the height of human discourse. It really is a joy. I've had a very few friends in my life with whom I could so cordially discuss literally _anything_ our imaginations could think up. Those friends are precious gems.

It's difficult for me, and I find for many others, too, to focus on the subject at hand and certainly to enjoy debating with someone who becomes angry or offended during an argument. I only wish that I could say that I am not guilty of the fault I have just condemned.


----------



## CTRLvector (Jan 28, 2016)

Yeah, a good conversation is a great escape from the processing of thought. It almost beats sex, but only the mediocre sex. Actually I take that back, but I'm deleting it because I'm on my phone.

Anyway, yeah - a good conversation is hard to find, especially a humorous one.


----------



## Dasein (Jun 11, 2015)

This description pretty accurately describes how I behave as an INTP attempting to "woo" someone of interest.

You Should Date An INTP | Thought Catalog


----------



## Sovereign (Aug 19, 2011)

I ask them if they have any interest in a relationship. If so, we have a series of long, impersonal conversations about our expectations, and what a relationship means to each of us. If not, I normally tell them "then f*ck off." Sort of like an ultimatum. 

Much sexy. Let me tell you.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

INTonyP said:


> This description pretty accurately describes how I behave as an INTP attempting to "woo" someone of interest.
> 
> You Should Date An INTP | Thought Catalog


What is described in the linked post definitely reminds me of my experience with an INTP, but this description fails to mention how sharp their intellects are and how substantial their arguments typically are in those lively conversations. The part about them never talking down to people they like and being excellent listeners has definitely been true in my experience. Also, they certainly are adorable.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

Sovereign said:


> I ask them if they have any interest in a relationship. If so, we have a series of long, impersonal conversations about our expectations, and what a relationship means to each of us. If not, I normally tell them "then f*ck off." Sort of like an ultimatum.
> 
> Much sexy. Let me tell you.


May I ask, are you an ENTJ? I suspect so from the description that you give as your direct, bold, and efficient way of handling potential romances. Yes, to particular people it would be tremendously sexy indeed.


----------



## Dasein (Jun 11, 2015)

Sturgess said:


> May I ask, are you an ENTJ? I suspect so from the description that you give as your direct, bold, and efficient way of handling potential romances. Yes, to particular people it would be tremendously sexy indeed.


LOL! Sounds like a woman who contacted me on-line, describing herself as ENTJ. It felt like a job interview. I didn't bother returner her inquiry.


----------



## Sturgess (Feb 1, 2014)

CTRLvector said:


> Yeah, a good conversation is a great escape from the processing of thought. It almost beats sex, but only the mediocre sex. Actually I take that back, but I'm deleting it because I'm on my phone.
> 
> Anyway, yeah - a good conversation is hard to find, especially a humorous one.


I loled. I think they provide a different sort of satisfaction, conversation and sex, that is. Good conversation has the potential of satisfying the intellect on one point or another, or at least stimulating and delighting it. It's more like delight than pleasure, though. Good sex has the potential to satisfy physical and emotional appetites, and usually involves pleasure and delight. I had never thought of sex as satisfying intellectually, but that is something to think on. Hmm. But don't mind me, it's almost a compulsion for me to provide distinctions in language. Let's just say that a mind-blowing conversation that leads into mind-blowing sex is the best.


----------

