# Social Phobia / Anxiety



## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

Sifr said:


> I do not fear appearing foolish. I am uncomfortable because social settings require a set of skills which are not natural to me, rather like stepping into a completely different culture. In other words, I am socially awkward. This awkwardness is not the same as anxiety, which becomes an excessive avoidance of social situations for fear of being judged. I worry little about judgment against me, so I am not an introvert out of anxiety. I am an introvert because I do not often find any gains in social interaction. Hence, I withdraw from most of it.


I am still a bit socially awkward, but it's a result of not being completely comfortable with myself in certain social situations. Plus, if you feel that you are being judged, it can make it even more awkward, even if you care little about being judged. I don't need to socialize with a large group of people to be happy, but I do need at least a small circle of friends to spend time with. As introverted as I am, loneliness will drive me insane if I don't socialize to some extent.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

JoeMetallic said:


> Insightful, Selv.
> 
> I don't know if this relates to social anxiety, but I'm complicated about receiving compliments. I don't like to hear anything about myself over the top, but who would spurn a nice compliment now and then, right? This week I was informed that I made the Dean's List for this past semester. When my mother found out, she was thrilled. I had to stifle her.
> "Are you going to put it on the fridge?" I said sarcastically.
> ...


Haha xD What can you say though, she was happy for you 
But yeah, compliments can seem unauthentic if they just get thrown around about over anything.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

JoeMetallic said:


> Insightful, Selv.
> 
> I don't know if this relates to social anxiety, but I'm complicated about receiving compliments. I don't like to hear anything about myself over the top, but who would spurn a nice compliment now and then, right? This week I was informed that I made the Dean's List for this past semester. When my mother found out, she was thrilled. I had to stifle her.
> "Are you going to put it on the fridge?" I said sarcastically.
> ...


As I stated, the root of social anxiety seems to be an extreme, irrational fear of negative judgment. What you describe does not appear to be an example of such. 

I also have difficulty with taking compliments; I do not care for a lot of attention because I wouldn't know what to do with it (and I also have a tendency to suspect the sincerity of compliments).


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> But yeah, compliments can seem unauthentic if they just get thrown around about over anything.


Precisely. It's why I don't give many compliments and esteem few. 

Also, people can be manipulative in using compliments. I've experienced that more than once.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Sifr said:


> Also, people can be manipulative in using compliments. I've experienced that more than once.


They most definitely can. Such a sad thought  

I like compliments as long as they're true and don't bring a lot of attention.


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## Dr. Metallic (Nov 15, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> Haha xD What can you say though, she was happy for you
> But yeah, compliments can seem unauthentic if they just get thrown around about over anything.


Authenticity is most important. Obviously I don't doubt that of my mom in this particular case.
It's like nobody can believe their mother when she says "Oh you're so beautiful/handsome."



Sifr said:


> As I stated, the root of social anxiety seems to be an extreme, irrational fear of negative judgment. What you describe does not appear to be an example of such.


Please explain, because I thought I stated that I do not like negative judgment.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

JoeMetallic said:


> It's like nobody can believe their mother when she says "Oh you're so beautiful/handsome."


LOL, so true.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

JoeMetallic said:


> Authenticity is most important. Obviously I don't doubt that of my mom in this particular case.
> It's like nobody can believe their mother when she says "Oh you're so beautiful/handsome."


The problem is ulterior motives. I don't worry about that she's being insincere about beauty, I worry about what she's trying to get me to do by offering some "reward" in the form of a compliment. Or if she's being ironic or sarcastic (I believe this has happened before). 



> Please explain, because I thought I stated that I do not like negative judgment.


I must have overlooked that. I apologize. 

Are you "paralyzed" by this dislike of negative judgment? I don't think anyone likes negative judgment, but some are able to carry on despite this dislike. Furthermore, I said it was about "extreme, irrational" fear of negative judgment. In the link, the people are aware that other people _probably_ aren't judging them, but fear the social situations nonetheless.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Sifr said:


> Are you "paralyzed" by this dislike of negative judgment? I don't think anyone likes negative judgment, but some are able to carry on despite this dislike. Furthermore, I said it was about "extreme, irrational" fear of negative judgment. In the link, the people are aware that other people probably aren't judging them, but fear the social situations nonetheless.



I know this was intended for Joe, but I felt compelled to answer it too.


Negative judgement (sorry, I know it's misspelled, but judgment just looks funny) makes me feel distanced from everyone, even moreso than I already am. It also makes me feel like I'm exposed and vulnerable, in a way. 
Like I already stated, I am also aware that others probably aren't judging me, but I fear the social situations nonetheless. It doesn't matter if they're actually thinking it to me. There's always a possibility, and as long as that possibility is there, my social anxiety will always exist.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> I know this was intended for Joe, but I felt compelled to answer it too.
> 
> 
> Negative judgement (sorry, I know it's misspelled, but judgment just looks funny) makes me feel distanced from everyone, even moreso than I already am. It also makes me feel like I'm exposed and vulnerable, in a way.
> Like I already stated, I am also aware that others probably aren't judging me, but I fear the social situations nonetheless. It doesn't matter if they're actually thinking it to me. There's always a possibility, and as long as that possibility is there, my social anxiety will always exist.


True! You are a lost cause because you will always subject yourself to the possiblity that someone is judging you; and only YOU can change this.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Beloved said:


> True! You are a lost cause because you will always subject yourself to the possiblity that someone is judging you; and only YOU can change this.


Haha!


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## Dr. Metallic (Nov 15, 2008)

Sifr said:


> The problem is ulterior motives. I don't worry about that she's being insincere about beauty, I worry about what she's trying to get me to do by offering some "reward" in the form of a compliment. Or if she's being ironic or sarcastic (I believe this has happened before).


No, I don't doubt her sincerity in this particular case. She is very sincere, actually, and wouldn't be sarcastic that way.

But when you know you're your mama's pride and joy, you can't believe her when she gives a good remark on your attractiveness. :wink:



Sifr said:


> Are you "paralyzed" by this dislike of negative judgment? I don't think anyone likes negative judgment, but some are able to carry on despite this dislike. Furthermore, I said it was about "extreme, irrational" fear of negative judgment. In the link, the people are aware that other people _probably_ aren't judging them, but fear the social situations nonetheless.


I'm not paralyzed by negative judgment (but it is sometimes annoying [I shamelessly post to this forum knowing that Liam is just around the corner, don't I :tongue: ])

I do know that the adolescent feeling of "being on stage" is false. However, this morning (Sunday) at church, I had to tap the pastor on the shoulder when he was in the front (not preaching yet, everyone was singing). Still, it was a rush breaking protocol.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> Haha!


You don't want to be a lost cause do you? Smokey the Bear is pointing at you, Sev.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Beloved said:


> You don't want to be a lost cause do you?


No, haha. I just couldn't help but post that. It was too easy  
I know I must help myself, but I don't know how. I just don't see how there's any way I can stop myself from being like I am. This may sound foolish, but I have reasons that are valid [to me] for my social anxiety.


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## Nightriser (Nov 8, 2008)

JoeMetallic said:


> No, I don't doubt her sincerity in this particular case. She is very sincere, actually, and wouldn't be sarcastic that way.
> 
> But when you know you're your mama's pride and joy, you can't believe her when she gives a good remark on your attractiveness. :wink:


Sorry, I didn't mean your mom. I meant mine. 



> I'm not paralyzed by negative judgment (but it is sometimes annoying [I shamelessly post to this forum knowing that Liam is just around the corner, don't I :tongue: ])
> 
> I do know that the adolescent feeling of "being on stage" is false. However, this morning (Sunday) at church, I had to tap the pastor on the shoulder when he was in the front (not preaching yet, everyone was singing). Still, it was a rush breaking protocol.


Some amount of self-consciousness is natural for introverts. It just doesn't seem to me that you have such a high degree of it that you are anxious.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> No, haha. I just couldn't help but post that. It was too easy
> I know I must help myself, but I don't know how. I just don't see how there's any way I can stop myself from being like I am. This may sound foolish, but I have reasons that are valid [to me] for my social anxiety.


I think you have to change your perspective of yourself and the world around you. Prayer also helped me. Some will say that God doesn't exist, and any relief of anxiety was a result of my own doing. Perhaps! I have no way to prove it. All I know is what worked for me. It didn't happen over night though; and I still have a ways to go, but compared to where I was 8 years ago, I'm a relatively fearless individual.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Beloved said:


> I think you have to change your perspective of yourself and the world around you. Prayer also helped me. Some will say that God doesn't exist, and any relief of anxiety was a result of my own doing. Perhaps! I have no way to prove it. All I know is what worked for me. It didn't happen over night though; and I still have a ways to go, but compared to where I was 8 years ago, I'm a relatively fearless individual.


That's great to hear.  The thing is though, prayer doesn't work for me with the core issues I have. Words of affirmation wouldn't do it for me, releasing of emotions wouldn't do it for me. Only I can do it for me. Only until I get the core issues fixed will I be able to come out of my social anxiety.


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## Spooky (Oct 30, 2008)

Silhouetree said:


> That's great to hear.  The thing is though, prayer doesn't work for me with the core issues I have. Words of affirmation wouldn't do it for me, releasing of emotions wouldn't do it for me. Only I can do it for me. Only until I get the core issues fixed will I be able to come out of my social anxiety.


If your social anxiety is a result of low self-esteem then you have to figure out why your confidence is so low and confront the problem at it's core. Again, maybe the problem isn't you, if your low self-esteem is the result of something you can't control; in which case, you need to alter your perception of yourself and rediscover your self-worth.


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## de l'eau salée (Nov 10, 2008)

Beloved said:


> If your social anxiety is a result of low self-esteem then you have to figure out why your confidence is so low and confront the problem at it's core. Again, maybe the problem isn't you, if your low self-esteem is the result of something you can't control; in which case, you need to alter your own perception of yourself and rediscover your self-worth.


I know _exactly_ why my confidence is so low. It's just that it's.....complicated to "fix it." It's something I can only hide. I wish I could alter my own perception of myself and my own self-worth, but it just seems impossible with the current situation I'm in. 

Anyways, I don't feel like I should be publicizing and whining about my issues anymore. This thread wasn't supposed to be about me. I appreciate your kind words and help, but I'd rather not let it get even more personal.  Thanks for your concern, though.


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## slightlybatty (Dec 12, 2008)

i dont mind being in social settings i just prefer not to.
i do get some anxiety when i am having problems in my own life. i cant really pay attention to what is going on or others if its something major i wrong with my life.


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