# I think my 5-year-old half-brother is behind, and his parents don't care?



## Carmaella (Nov 14, 2011)

He turned 5 in Nov. And will be 6 this year when he starts school. He hasn't been to preschool or Kindergarten. How old are kids when they start Kindergarten? I thought you start 1st grade when you're 6. He'll be 6 and starting Kindergarten. 

He doesn't know all of his numbers (1-10). Or all of the Alphabet (After H) Or how to tie his shoes. He can't read. He needs a little help with his English. …I can’t think of anything else right now, but he knows a heck of a lot about dinosaurs and trains. 

Is it just me, or is he behind? I'm not sure, but I thought at that age you're supposed to know all of that. I try to work with him when I visit, but they get mad and tell me he's just a kid and needs to play. I got in a fight with his sister because of it.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

It depends on what state you're in. Usually you have to be five by a certain date in order to start kindergarten, usually somewhere around the beginning of the school year. Since he just turned five in November, he probably missed it by a hair.

As for not knowing the alphabet, numbers, etc., don't worry about it. If he doesn't pick up on that after he starts school, _then_ there may be a problem.


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## Carmaella (Nov 14, 2011)

Angelic Gardevoir said:


> It depends on what state you're in. Usually you have to be five by a certain date in order to start kindergarten, usually somewhere around the beginning of the school year. Since he just turned five in November, he probably missed it by a hair.
> 
> As for not knowing the alphabet, numbers, etc., don't worry about it. If he doesn't pick up on that after he starts school, _then_ there may be a problem.


Thanks. ......


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## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

They will teach him those things in Kindergarten. It helps if they already know their numbers and letters, but they usually have a class taht is specifically for children who are needing more basics.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

@Carmaella

Not to be rude, but I know one year-olds that know how to count to ten. By the age of two, kids are more than capable of speaking in full sentences, using spoons, using plastic cups with no lid, and even counting to ten in other languages. Really, it's just about how much time a person is willing to dedicate to teaching their kids. The fact that he doesn't know how to count to ten is a little shocking to me. Tying shoes usually happens between ages four through six, so he's not really behind there. According to the curriculums I've used, he would already know how to count to 100 and he would know his ABCs. He would definitely be learning to read. Like I said, though, it's about how much time the parents are willing to invest into their kids. If you decide to take it upon yourself to help him learn, that would be great. He could likely struggle in kindergarten if he doesn't get down the fundamentals. Make it fun! Make him think it's a game! Kids are naturally curious to learn, and they love to have fun. If you'd like some tips on how to create games out of teaching him his ABCs or anything else for that matter, message me  I would be more than glad to help! This is definitely my area of expertise. And don't get me wrong, play time is great, but children need mental stimulation beyond the point of a toy choo choo train. How well is his speech developed?


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

Ace Face said:


> Not to be rude, but I know one year-olds that know how to count to ten. By the age of two, kids are more than capable of speaking in full sentences, using spoons, using plastic cups with no lid, and even counting to ten in other languages. Really, it's just about how much time a person is willing to dedicate to teaching their kids. The fact that he doesn't know how to count to ten is a little shocking to me. Tying shoes usually happens between ages four through six, so he's not really behind there. According to the curriculums I've used, he would already know how to count to 100 and he would know his ABCs. He would definitely be learning to read. Like I said, though, it's about how much time the parents are willing to invest into their kids. If you decide to take it upon yourself to help him learn, that would be great. He could likely struggle in kindergarten if he doesn't get down the fundamentals. Make it fun! Make him think it's a game! Kids are naturally curious to learn, and they love to have fun. If you'd like some tips on how to create games out of teaching him his ABCs or anything else for that matter, message me  I would be more than glad to help! This is definitely my area of expertise. And don't get me wrong, play time is great, but children need mental stimulation beyond the point of a toy choo choo train. How well is his speech developed?


 While they are capable are doing most things you said at an early age, I honestly don't think most parents do that. Kids can turn out fine even if they aren't taught things early. And I don't think there have been any studies on the long-term effectiveness of teaching babies, but I don't think it can hurt, though.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Angelic Gardevoir said:


> While they are capable are doing most things you said at an early age, I honestly don't think most parents do that. Kids can turn out fine even if they aren't taught things early.


I happen to know a lot of parents that do. I'm not saying the kid will turn out to be a dipshit o.0 My biggest issue here is that the kid is currently picking up on the cue that he doesn't have to learn... especially if he's hearing his family fight over it. That is not the mindset a child should have toward learning, sorry. He does need intellectual stimulation--the sooner, the better.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

Ace Face said:


> I happen to know a lot of parents that do. I'm not saying the kid will turn out to be a dipshit o.0 My biggest issue here is that the kid is currently picking up on the cue that he doesn't have to learn... especially if he's hearing his family fight over it. That is not the mindset a child should have toward learning, sorry. He does need intellectual stimulation--the sooner, the better.


 I edited my post as you replied. XD I definitely don't think it will hurt at all, and maybe there could be something to the attitude thing. I just thought you were implying that he would grow up to be, in fact, a dipshit. :tongue: Sorry.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Angelic Gardevoir said:


> I edited my post as you replied. XD I definitely don't think it will hurt at all, and maybe there could be something to the attitude thing. I just thought you were implying that he would grow up to be, in fact, a dipshit. :tongue: Sorry.


Hey, you're cool. I should have been more clear to begin with.


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## Listener (Jan 13, 2011)

What exactly is your concern? You say he's behind, but behind what?

Far more important than knowing specific facts and passing tests is a general interest in learning and experiencing life. And the fastest way to kill that interest is to send someone to school.


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## Carmaella (Nov 14, 2011)

Listener said:


> What exactly is your concern? You say he's behind, but behind what?
> 
> Far more important than knowing specific facts and passing tests is a general interest in learning and experiencing life. And the fastest way to kill that interest is to send someone to school.


He doesn't have an interest in it. His parents tell him he's "Just a child" that he shouldn't have to worry about learning right now. Everytime I try to teach him something he repeats what his parents say "But I'm just a kid" and doesn't want to learn. I try to make it fun. I know every child develops differently, but I just don't want him to be behind academically like I was. His parents never sit down with him and try to teach him anything.


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

In New Zealand, you don't start school until you're 5. I'm not sure how much you are expected to know by then, but I'm pretty sure all of that would be covered in the first few months of schooling. I remember having a stash of books before I started school and looking at the pictures, but I can't remember whether I recognised any of the words or anything. I think I was behind when I was young, but I eventually caught up and excelled when I started speaking with a speech disorder, and had to get extra tutoring. I had to read of heaps of cue cards everyday with my mum, and had a speech therapist visit once a week.

Don't worry, I'm sure your brother will catch up. Everyone learns at different rates.


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## Listener (Jan 13, 2011)

@Carmaella 

Are you sure he doesn't want to learn? What are his interests?

Again, why are you concerned about him being 'behind' academically? What is so important about academics?


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Listener said:


> @Carmaella
> 
> Are you sure he doesn't want to learn? What are his interests?
> 
> Again, why are you concerned about him being 'behind' academically? What is so important about academics?


She clearly went through this herself. Being behind academically isn't the only worry here. As someone who has worked extensively with children, I can honestly say this: this child is likely to encounter a lot of unnecessary opposition and bullying upon entering school. If he's behind academically, not only will he notice that he's not like the other children, but the other children will also notice. Just the fact that he'll notice he needs more help than other children could be enough to affect his self-esteem. Bring into the picture the possibility that other children could make fun of him or make him feel bad, and you've got one hell of a problem that could have been prevented. What he doesn't need is to start school lagging behind. More often than not, I've seen it negatively affect many a child's confidence and self-esteem. It is in the parents' best interest to make sure that all measures are being taken to ensure their child's well-being. I'm not saying that confidence can't be restored, but it would be a long road.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

I'm not done here yet.

The child is going to be VERY confused once he gets to school and realizes that he needs to learn, and that he's going to be doing it for the rest of his life. It will be a total conflict in messages. First, he doesn't need to learn and he deserves to play. Now, he needs to learn, has to play a lot less, and needs special attention from tutors in order to be able to catch up? Children need consistency, and this 180 turn around that's about to happen will rock his world, and probably not in a good way. He's got a learned negative attitude about learning, and if that doesn't change, he's likely to flunk which has a snowball effect. His self-esteem and overall demeanor would likely plumit with his grades. Yes, children learn at different rates and paces, but the adults in the child's life are responsible for planting the idea in their kids' heads that learning is necessary and that it can be really fun. It's about attitude. Had these parents taken the time to teach the kid in the first place, all of these possibilities could be avoided. In essence, they have set their child up to fail. They've given him false ideas about life and how it works, and they will pay the price if they don't reverse this thinking ASAP!


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## chickydoda (Feb 12, 2010)

Ace Face said:


> Yes, children learn at different rates and paces, but the adults in the child's life are responsible for planting the idea in their kids' heads that learning is necessary and that it can be really fun. It's about attitude.


 I didn't read that other part before posting. I didn't realise her parents were actually discouraging him from learning. Shocking!


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## Listener (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm still not sure exactly what the concern is. Are the parents actually discouraging the child from learning? That is he shows an interest in something, and they prevent him from learning it, or experiencing it?

Or is the concern about academics? Very little learning takes place at school. School is mostly about learning obedience to authority, and knowing what your class position is in society.

I got A's all through high school and all through college and with only a few exceptions I consider that education to be of very little value. I've learned far more on my own time.

If this child is showing curiosity in something, whether it be plants and animals, music, art, machines, buildings, whatever, and is encouraged to pursue that interest then I don't see any real problem. This type of learning is in fact not encouraged in school.


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## Ace Face (Nov 13, 2011)

Listener said:


> I'm still not sure exactly what the concern is. Are the parents actually discouraging the child from learning? That is he shows an interest in something, and they prevent him from learning it, or experiencing it?
> 
> Or is the concern about academics? Very little learning takes place at school. School is mostly about learning obedience to authority, and knowing what your class position is in society.
> 
> ...


My concern is how the child ends up perceiving himself.


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## Listener (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm not sure this situation is being looked at the right way. The boy is said to have a strong interest in dinosaurs and trains. That's great. Those interests should be encouraged and deepened. Does he have books on dinosaurs? A book on the history of trains? It's seems that in the pursuit of those interests, he's far more likely to learn reading, math, etc, than in sterile school environments.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

Listener said:


> I'm not sure this situation is being looked at the right way. The boy is said to have a strong interest in dinosaurs and trains. That's great. Those interests should be encouraged and deepened. Does he have books on dinosaurs? A book on the history of trains? It's seems that in the pursuit of those interests, he's far more likely to learn reading, math, etc, than in sterile school environments.


Hmm...then why not try to teach him some concepts in the context of dinosaurs or trains? For example, you could teach him the alphabet by noting the names of dinosaurs that start with each letter. Kill two birds with one stone and all that.


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