# Can't find looks and brains in a woman ?



## Roland Khan (May 10, 2009)

Six figures and high education must make one feel very superior, I wouldn't want to date somebody on a high horse myself anyway...I could however be with somebody less endowed in life, given a good/compatible personality (the much more important aspect imo)


less money and lower education="beneath myself"...



ps. I'm sure, or at least hope, that those aren't only qualities looked for or that those two things themselves are deal breakers, but made them seem very very important which in a way makes one very vain and well...fuck it, "beneath" me.


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## cinnabun (Apr 11, 2011)

Maybe your problem is that your standards are set so impossibly high that nobody realistic is ever going to match them.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

What are you going for in terms of both? 'Looks' is really nebulous. I find most healthy women around my age attractive, but some people have really narrow views on what is attractive. 'Brains' also, some people use really absurd criteria for what is intelligence. A lot of people seem to substitute someone's lifestyle, achievements, or trivial preferences for intelligence.


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## SnowPharaoh (Mar 7, 2015)

Rinnie said:


> Maybe your problem is that your standards are set so impossibly high that nobody realistic is ever going to match them.


That is a possibility but not really a problem, compromise isn't really a option for me when I meet someone, later on when a relationship is formed sure I'm all for it, but the thing is I'm not going to be with someone I find "kinda" pretty and interesting, maybe I should I don't know but it just doesn't come natural to me


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## SnowPharaoh (Mar 7, 2015)

Gore Motel said:


> What are you going for in terms of both? 'Looks' is really nebulous. I find most healthy women around my age attractive, but some people have really narrow views on what is attractive. 'Brains' also, some people use really absurd criteria for what is intelligence. A lot of people seem to substitute someone's lifestyle, achievements, or trivial preferences for intelligence.


I'm going for beautiful, smart, funny etc FOR ME, someone else may find the person I see as perfect disgusting, that's not really the point I was trying to make, all I was asking if people have problem finding a set of qualities they find attractive in one person


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Roland787 said:


> Six figures and high education must make one feel very superior, I wouldn't want to date somebody on a high horse myself anyway...I could however be with somebody less endowed in life, given a good/compatible personality (the much more important aspect imo)
> 
> 
> less money and lower education="beneath myself"...
> ...


I didn't say that less money and a lower education are automatically beneath me. And you can quote me, don't be afraid. 

What's beneath me is dating someone who is lacking in several of the qualities I possess, and doesn't make up for it in other qualities. If I date a poor man, I expect him to have other qualities like being attractive, good at sex and kind. If I date a man who's unattractive, he had better be either extremely intelligent or rich. Because what is the point in me dating a man who is ugly, poor and stupid? I'm willing to compromise, but I'm not willing to undersell.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

faraon1990temujin said:


> That's your assumption and nothing else, you're reading too much into the question, all I'm asking for is an objective opinion and I'm getting a lot of bad personal experiences


There's no objective opinion on this. Haha.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Roland787 said:


> Six figures and high education must make one feel very superior, I wouldn't want to date somebody on a high horse myself anyway...I could however be with somebody less endowed in life, given a good/compatible personality (the much more important aspect imo)
> 
> 
> less money and lower education="beneath myself"...
> ...


I'm not on a high horse. I just don't believe I would have enough in common to be with someone who did not have somewhere near my level of education. I also have no desire for financial inequality in my relationship, thus I would prefer to date someone within my income bracket. I think these are pretty sensible things to look for in a relationship.


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## Roland Khan (May 10, 2009)

Much better, next time maybe refrain from using "beneath me" to describe those who make less and/or haven't had as high of a _formal _education :wink::tongue:


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Roland787 said:


> Much better, next time maybe refrain from using "beneath me" to describe those who make less and/or haven't had as high of a _formal _education :wink::tongue:


If we're incompatible, whatever the incompatibility, they're beneath me as they're not good for me.


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## SnowPharaoh (Mar 7, 2015)

koalaroo said:


> There's no objective opinion on this. Haha.


Yeah I guess you're right, didn't really frase that in the best way. All I wanted to say is that people are reading to much into the post and I guess that's partly my fault, could've frased it better, ohh well live to learn and all that :tongue:


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## telepariah (Jun 20, 2011)

Look for inner beauty and you will find beauty that lasts. The body falls down due to gravity but the beauty of a person being gracious, authentic, and kind lasts forever.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Roland787 said:


> Much better, next time maybe refrain from using "beneath me" to describe those who make less and/or haven't had as high of a _formal _education :wink::tongue:


I never said that. Read it again. In fact, the extent of my formal education is below average in the US. It's pretty bad. I was raised in a shit school system, went to community college, took one semester at a university and never got a degree. But I still make enough money to support myself, even though I have a chronic illness which prevents me from working full time (lately it prevents me from working almost at all, sigh). It would be absolutely infuriating to me if I were to help the man I'm dating financially, when I'm struggling with a chronic illness and working barely one or two days a week. I've done this before, and it was ridiculous. I'm the one with the disability, you're the one with health and an education and potential, I should NOT be covering both our asses!

But the fact that one of the guys I've been with had a very good education was nice, yes. I value intelligence very highly, and education can increase intelligence to some extent. Not to mention, it means that he's able to get a better job than most. It's a good asset to have.


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## Roland Khan (May 10, 2009)

koalaroo said:


> If we're incompatible, whatever the incompatibility, they're beneath me as they're not good for me.



Clarified. In initial post it was made to sound much different:kitteh:


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## Somniorum (Oct 7, 2010)

koalaroo said:


> If we're incompatible, whatever the incompatibility, they're beneath me as they're not good for me.


I'm generally pretty on-board with most of what you say, koalaroo, but this doesn't seem to follow. The term "beneath me" suggests that they're, well, clearly *lesser* than you, inferior to you. Simply because someone is incompatible with you does not make them lesser than you. 

There are plenty of people I believe to be incompatible with myself, who nonetheless I would consider equals or better than me. Sometimes very *significantly* better than me.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Somniorum said:


> I'm generally pretty on-board with most of what you say, koalaroo, but this doesn't seem to follow. The term "beneath me" suggests that they're, well, clearly *lesser* than you, inferior to you. Simply because someone is incompatible with you does not make them lesser than you.
> 
> There are plenty of people I believe to be incompatible with myself, who nonetheless I would consider equals or better than me. Sometimes very *significantly* better than me.


*shrug* If I see something as incompatibility due to inequity, some of these people would be beneath me, no? There are men who are out of my league due to education, income, etc -- and we're incompatible because of this, and I am beneath them.


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## Golden Rose (Jun 5, 2014)

Beauty, intelligence and humor are not hard traits to find in anyone, especially since their definition is essentially subjective much like your own opinion about a person. There's extremes in both positive and negative directions but searching for unattainable perfection is the real issues in most cases.

Flaws are not something to be feared or demonized. 

Taste is subjective. You can love someone and appreciate both their personality and looks while acknowledging that they're not impossibly perfect human beings and that's what makes them special and valuable. The fact that they're human, one of a kind and you can see something in them that no one else does, you can love them despite their own weaknesses as you're not free of imperfections yourself. 

Even if you were to find someone who seems to have walked out of a magazine cover and with no possible downsides, wouldn't that be just shallow infatuation? Idealization is never a good thing, I like having a human, imperfect partner, I can daydream on my own without a need to project it on another person.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> *shrug* If I see something as incompatibility due to inequity, some of these people would be beneath me, no? There are men who are out of my league due to education, income, etc -- and we're incompatible because of this, and I am beneath them.


If I become an astronaut, will I be out of your league?


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

koalaroo said:


> There are men who are out of my league due to education, income, etc -- and we're incompatible because of this, and I am beneath them.


They'd probably still date you, though.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Gore Motel said:


> They'd probably still date you, though.


I doubt that.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Smh that was a serious question. Ignored once again


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Somniorum said:


> I'm generally pretty on-board with most of what you say, koalaroo, but this doesn't seem to follow. The term "beneath me" suggests that they're, well, clearly *lesser* than you, inferior to you. Simply because someone is incompatible with you does not make them lesser than you.
> 
> There are plenty of people I believe to be incompatible with myself, who nonetheless I would consider equals or better than me. Sometimes very *significantly* better than me.


If a rag-covered 65 year old homeless woman came chasing after you throwing bottles of cat urine, would you say that you chose not to take her up on the offer due to incompatibility?


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

devoid said:


> If a rag-covered 65 year old homeless woman came chasing after you throwing bottles of cat urine, would you say that you chose not to take her up on the offer due to incompatibility?


I don't think it's the right mentality to think they're "beneath" you. That homeless women probably is going through some huge mental issues she's going through, and probably is not in a very good spot right now. I wouldn't date her because she's not healthy for me, and I wouldn't be the best for her, not because I'm superior to her because honestly I could end up in her spot if some shit changed in my life.


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## Toru Okada (May 10, 2011)

koalaroo said:


> I doubt that.


Yeah maybe, rich, highly educated people can be pretty arrogant.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> I don't think it's the right mentality to think they're "beneath" you. That homeless women probably is going through some huge mental issues she's going through, and probably is not in a very good spot right now. I wouldn't date her because she's not healthy for me, and I wouldn't be the best for her, not because I'm superior to her because honestly I could end up in her spot if some shit changed in my life.


Not in a good spot right now? xD

Some people are just more objectively valuable in a relationship than others. Some people are psychopaths or sadists and can only hurt others in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with saying that it is beneath you to date someone, not just at a certain stage of their life but in general.

Should I date someone who is mentally retarded? No. Why? It would be beneath me. That doesn't mean that this person's life has less value than mine, but it means that they have less value than I do in the dating market. It's just a fact of life.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Gore Motel said:


> Yeah maybe, rich people can be pretty arrogant.


A man with significantly higher income than me seeking me out would not be an equitable solution for me.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> If I become an astronaut, will I be out of your league?


No, I don't think so.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

devoid said:


> Not in a good spot right now? xD
> 
> Some people are just more objectively valuable in a relationship than others. Some people are psychopaths or sadists and can only hurt others in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with saying that it is beneath you to date someone, not just at a certain stage of their life but in general.
> 
> Should I date someone who is mentally retarded? No. Why? It would be beneath me. That doesn't mean that this person's life has less value than mine, but it means that they have less value than I do in the dating market. It's just a fact of life.


So would you be cool if I considered you someone beneath me? I'm pretty accomplished in terms of things, and my research recently got published on hydrogenating graphene and making semiconducters(and I got a cool certificate for it).

I'm being serious about this. In terms of my collegiate degree, I think I accomplished more than most people on this forum. Would you be cool if I started looking at others on this forum as not as up to my level


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> No, I don't think so.


Maybe the issue is more about you thinking too highly of yourself


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Maybe the issue is more about you thinking too highly of yourself


No, I really don't think so. I don't want to be in an inequitable arrangement. I don't see what's so difficult to understand about that. I want to be with someone in a similar income bracket and a similar educational background, because these people are more likely to also share my values and interests.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> No, I really don't think so. I don't want to be in an inequitable arrangement. I don't see what's so difficult to understand about that. I want to be with someone in a similar income bracket and a similar educational background, because these people are more likely to also share my values.


That's fine, those are things you're attracted to, but people aren't beneath you or are inferior to you because they don't have that


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> So would you be cool if I considered you someone beneath me? I'm pretty accomplished in terms of things, and my research recently got published on hydrogenating graphene and making semiconducters(and I got a cool certificate for it).
> 
> I'm being serious about this. In terms of my collegiate degree, I think I accomplished more than most people on this forum. Would you be cool if I started looking at others on this forum as not as up to my level


Sounds like I might be beneath you, and that doesn't bother me at all, no. I'm also beneath dating the president of the US and most billionaire CEOs, and a whole hell of a lot of people who aren't even noteworthy but just happen to be better than I am in areas which impact a relationship. If you also happen to be as attractive, generous and sexually skilled as I am or more so, I would say you should be able to date someone above my position. I think everyone should be aware of their position in life, because it's the only way we can really improve - seek out those who are slightly better than ourselves, learn from them, figure out the areas in which we're not ideal and keep moving forward. And I don't know about you, but personally when I'm in a relationship with someone who's significantly lower in multiple areas than I am, I find they just slow me down - even if they are trying.

If someone is poor, even if they're working hard to improve, I'm going to end up spending money on them and not the other way around, which puts strain on me financially. If someone is stupid, even if they're in school and trying to learn, I'm going to feel like they can't understand me and not be able to share as much of my life with them. There are perfectly valid reasons for me to judge people as beneath me in a relationship, and it helps both people for me to recognise this early on.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

faraon1990temujin said:


> So I guess the problem is I always seem to meet either interesting and funny women or just plain beautiful, so I was wondering if any of you guys had problems like this, do you think I should compromise one for the other, which should it be and etc.... go wild with it (also women who have the same problem with men feel free to comment your experiences) :happy:


Relocate further east for a few years.
I'd recommend a nice blend of intellect, temperament & attractiveness, but that's just one man's opinion.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> That's fine, those are things you're attracted to, but people aren't beneath you or are inferior to you because they don't have that


People clearly don't understand what I'm stating. I'm not making a value judgment on the person as a person. However, in the scale of things like socioeconomic status and education, someone with only a high school education is beneath me in these brackets.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> People clearly don't understand what I'm stating. I'm not making a value judgment on the person as a person. However, in the scale of things like socioeconomic status and education, someone with only a high school education is beneath me in these brackets.


K, well in the same vein you're honestly too beneath me to consider dating. I mean seriously I'm in the top 5% of my schools grades and am bros with professors at Harvard who liked my research, and have a letter of a recommendation from someone who worked at CERN and was a pioneer in particle physics. 

So you know following socioeconomic status, sorry Koalaroo I don't really think you're really worthy of dating someone like me.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> K, well in the same vein you're honestly too beneath me to consider dating. I mean seriously I'm in the top 5% of my schools grades and am bros with professors at Harvard who liked my research, and have a letter of a recommendation from someone who worked at CERN and was a pioneer in particle physics.
> 
> So you know following socioeconomic status, sorry Koalaroo I don't really think you're really worthy of dating someone like me.


Well, thanks. I graduated with two masters degrees with nearly a 4.0 from a prestigious university.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> Well, thanks. I graduated with two masters degrees with nearly a 4.0 from a prestigious university.


Probably a joke major. I mean 150k is a joke money with a master's degree.

Hey but seriously if you wanna do an accomplishment off I'll be down. I even can upload my cool little certificate online


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Probably a joke major. I mean 150k is a joke money with a master's degree.
> 
> Hey but seriously if you wanna do an accomplishment off I'll be down. I even can upload my cool little certificate online


Medical anthropology and public health / epidemiology, for what it's worth. I could make more than $150k in the private sector if I wanted, but I want the benefits and prestige of working for the NIH or CDC. And no, $150k isn't joke money for a masters degree.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> Medical anthropology and public health / epidemiology, for what it's worth. I could make more than $150k in the private sector if I wanted, but I want the benefits and prestige of working for the NIH or CDC.


Yeah still a joke compared to me. I mean come the fuck on, I'm a physics major who will be competitive for ivy league grad programs and have people who worked on the basis of particle physics recommending me and my intelligence. I'm already accepted to my own colleges PhD program and have the funding for my research since my previous research got some pretty good fucking results. Honestly I could cash in and make bank the rest of my life, but nah that's boring. I'm gonna focus on getting that PhD and unlocking string theory for a side being or something.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

I have a greater role in my reality than any of you. I am the main character.


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

yer, keep measuring each other's dicks. I love it.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Either way @_koalaroo_ you don't appreciate it when I think I'm better than you, and think you're beneath me in the dating toteml and you're getting pretty defensive about it.

How do you think people who you consider inferior feel? All I'm saying is it's not bad to think these people are just people you that won't work with you for a variety of factors and they do have some things superior to you too, and not because you're superior to them in every facet.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Razorgirl said:


> yer, keep measuring each other's dicks. I love it.


Hey I personally think I won the dick contest. This certificate is still gettin ready to be uploaded


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Either way @_koalaroo_ you don't appreciate it when I think I'm better than you, and think you're beneath me in the dating poll and you're getting pretty defensive about it.
> 
> How do you think people who you consider inferior feel? All I'm saying is it's not bad to think these people are just people you that won't work with you for a variety of factors and they do have some things superior to you too, and not because you're superior to them in every facet.


I don't think you're measurably better than me, is the thing. Fortunately, I'm not interested in you, and you're not interested in me. I do, however, think someone with a high school education is beneath me in terms of educational and economic attainment. You don't seem to comprehend that. We would have NOTHING in common.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> I don't think you're measurably better than me, is the thing. Fortunately, I'm not interested in you, and you're not interested in me. I do, however, think someone with a high school education is beneath me in terms of educational and economic attainment. You don't seem to comprehend that.


No I do. You're someone who is beneath me in both accomplishments and education. Like I have a funded PhD position at my university. I can screencap the email and everything and as I recall PhD>>>Masters

I get it, you think you're better than people with high school education, and likewise I just think I'm straight way out of your league and can do way better than you. So it's cool

And likewise I'll have nothing in common with you. I need someone who has enough intelligence to comprehend quantum mechanics and why the wave-duality theory is so fundamental, ya know what I'm sayin?


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> No I do. You're someone who is beneath me in both accomplishments and education. Like I have a funded PhD position at my university. I can screencap the email and everything and as I recall PhD>>>Masters
> 
> I get it, you think you're better than people with high school education, and likewise I just think I'm straight way out of your league and can do way better than you. So it's cool


You don't have a Ph.D. yet.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> You don't have a Ph.D. yet.


I'll hit you up in a few years to tell you how much you're beneath me. That cool?


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> I'll hit you up in a few years to tell you how much you're beneath me. That cool?


What if I get my Ph.D. in epidemiology from Hopkins?


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> What if I get my Ph.D. in epidemiology from Hopkins?


Serious question what kind of research did you publish with your masters degree, and how do you plan to continue it in your PhD? Because that's a big component in getting funded for it and having people back you.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Also could I see your publications?


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Serious question what kind of research did you publish with your masters degree, and how do you plan to continue it in your PhD? Because that's a big component in getting funded for it and having people back you.


I'll PM it to you. And no, you may not see my publications. My real name is on them, and I don't know or trust you. I hope you can appreciate privacy.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> I'll PM it to you. And no, you may not see my publications.


Well I don't think you have any. Which makes it really hard for PhD since all the post doctoral research is entirely based on that, and how much research potential you have. But you're free to prove wrong on that one.

But like I said I already got that funded shit. So in a few years if I do get one and you don't have one, I am free to think I am superior to you and you are nowhere near good enough for me.

Or maybe that's not the case. Maybe we're just not compatible, and likewise those people with a high school education are just not compatible and not inferior to you, and probably better than you at certain stuff too.

Nah, that shit doesn't make sense. Well I think I made my point in this thread, now I gotta go back study for my exam


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Well I don't think you have any. Which makes it really hard for PhD since all the post doctoral research is entirely based on that, and how much research potential you have. But you're free to prove wrong on that one.
> 
> But like I said I already got that funded shit. So in a few years if I do get one and you don't have one, I am free to think I am superior to you and you are nowhere near good enough for me.
> 
> ...


That's fine. If you're making, you know, well outside of my income bracket then I would be inferior to you and thus incompatible with you. I do have some publications, but I don't know you or trust you, so why would I give you my IRL name? That creeps me out.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

koalaroo said:


> That's fine. If you're making, you know, well outside of my income bracket then I would be inferior to you and thus incompatible with you. I do have some publications, but I don't know you or trust you, so why would I give you my IRL name? That creeps me out.


Yeah I'm sure with the fact I can google your publications and find your name if I put the effort, that's the reason. Trust me I could probably find it anyway if they exist, most people can, but unless for some reason your publications also contain your social security number you don't have to worry about people creeping you out irl


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Nightmaker81 said:


> Yeah I'm sure with the fact I can google your publications and find your name if I put the effort, that's the reason. Trust me I could probably find it anyway if they exist, most people can, but unless for some reason your publications also contain your social security number you don't have to worry about people creeping you out irl


Still creeps me out. Haha.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

faraon1990temujin said:


> So I guess the problem is I always seem to meet either interesting and funny women or just plain beautiful, so I was wondering if any of you guys had problems like this, do you think I should compromise one for the other, which should it be and etc.... go wild with it (also women who have the same problem with men feel free to comment your experiences) :happy:


Intelligence isn't important and neither is beauty, just find someone who you naturally like instead of trying to find traits. That's all I have to say. Anyone could be smart or funny or this or that. That doesn't actually matter, it is only a post-rationalization, most people don't become connected in the reverse direction.


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## Nightmaker81 (Aug 17, 2013)

Anyway as my final post on this topic, I don't think anyone is "out of anyone's league" or inherently better than others. Some things you're attracted to, some things you're not, it's whatever. But those preferences don't make anyone superior.

Like with the old lady and the cat piss, she might have went through some fucked up stuff in her life, I don't know. I do know that I could be in that position for whatever reason. A block can fall me and I get severe brain damage, who really knows. I'm lucky to be in a position I'm happy in, and it's not really fair to look at others and think they don't have their own merits or stuff they're better than me.

But those are just my final thoughts. Now I really should go back to studying.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

koalaroo said:


> That's what bothered me about being on dating sites, sometimes. Depending on what I do with myself, my earning potential within the next ten years is roughly 150,000 U.S. dollars per year with federal government benefits. I'm intelligent, I'm at least decent looking, I clean up nice, I have the potential to earn six figures. Why would I date some mediocre looking guy who works in "hospitality", doesn't have my level of education, and doesn't have anywhere near my earning potential? What the Hell would I have in common with someone like this?


If a billionaire wanted to be in a relationship with me I would take advantage of that opportunity.


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## koalaroo (Nov 25, 2011)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> If a billionaire wanted to be in a relationship with me I would take advantage of that opportunity.


And I would not!


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

koalaroo said:


> And I would not!


I get free lunch at school, the government is bringing me up to your level as we speak. Did you get free lunch at school? I am even so humble that I get a free lunch pass but I refuse to use it and I continue to stress myself over making a cheese sandwich everyday. That's just how virtuous and commendable I am as a potential partner.


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