# Tips for being less intense?



## Cantarella (Sep 3, 2010)

Specifically I mean in the case of interviews. I almost posted this in Education & Career Talk but I'm not really talking about the interview process or what to say/what questions to anticipate, I'm specifically asking for advice on how to be less intense. I have this thing where once I get to know someone it's really easy for me to make conversation and chat with them about anything, but in the beginning I have a hard time knowing exactly how to respond and I think I come across as intense or bitchy. My face gets tight and won't relax and I have a hard time smiling. I think I definitely come across as extremely guarded or anxious. What are some tips for relaxing and seeming more normal? Lol.


----------



## Judis (Jul 28, 2013)

The only practical advice I can give you is "Practice".

(Example) Talk to people you'v never met.

I'm sorry, I'm not much of a help here...


----------



## incandesce (Aug 24, 2013)

People tell me I'm intense all the time, and one thing I've noticed is that it's usually because of how I'm holding my body. If I'm even slightly on edge, I draw up my shoulders and tense my jaw. This is going to be interpreted by most people as an anger signal, so if you do that, don't do that. Focus on relaxing your muscles, keeping your shoulders low and back, breathing deeply. Work your jaw a bit to loosen it up. Practice speaking and work on keeping your voice even. If it's high? Pitch it lower.

Oh, and since I also (apparently?) have a really intense gaze, I just got red fashion wayfarers. It's a silly little bit of my personality on display, too, so it makes me seem less-threatening. Maybe something similar will work for you.


----------



## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Cantarella said:


> Specifically I mean in the case of interviews. I almost posted this in Education & Career Talk but I'm not really talking about the interview process or what to say/what questions to anticipate, I'm specifically asking for advice on how to be less intense. I have this thing where once I get to know someone it's really easy for me to make conversation and chat with them about anything, but in the beginning I have a hard time knowing exactly how to respond and I think I come across as intense or bitchy. My face gets tight and won't relax and I have a hard time smiling. I think I definitely come across as extremely guarded or anxious. What are some tips for relaxing and seeming more normal? Lol.


You just have to throw out something random. 

Even if the conversation is about the weather, be like, 'DO YOU LIKE VIDEO GAMES. I LIKE VIDEO GAMES.' Extra points for pretending to be awkward.

People understand. It's okay. Just be random, crack jokes. This is the best way to loosen up and relax.


----------



## Judis (Jul 28, 2013)

Word Dispenser said:


> You just have to throw out something random.
> 
> Even if the conversation is about the weather, be like, 'DO YOU LIKE VIDEO GAMES. I LIKE VIDEO GAMES.' Extra points for pretending to be awkward.
> 
> People understand. It's okay. Just be random, crack jokes. This is the best way to loosen up and relax.




I think that is what my old mask was telling me.


----------



## princeharvey55 (Sep 16, 2013)

Cantarella said:


> Specifically I mean in the case of interviews. I almost posted this in Education & Career Talk but I'm not really talking about the interview process or what to say/what questions to anticipate, I'm specifically asking for advice on how to be less intense. I have this thing where once I get to know someone it's really easy for me to make conversation and chat with them about anything, but in the beginning I have a hard time knowing exactly how to respond and I think I come across as intense or bitchy. My face gets tight and won't relax and I have a hard time smiling. I think I definitely come across as extremely guarded or anxious. What are some tips for relaxing and seeming more normal? Lol.



Be yourself that helps you a lot.

When your intense you are usually nervous. Nervous of what? Nervous of the unknown which is unbeatable. You are afraid of failing even if you aren't even starting yet. 

Try to be yourself act as if you are you and only you all the time. That will lessen the fear of the unknown. ^^

Hope i help? ^^


----------



## ElasticNebula (Sep 27, 2013)

I agree that it takes practice. I am also very intense...I have to remind myself to look away from people sometimes/not stare them down. It's especially bad when people are interviewing me...they ask me questions, I am nodding/not looking away...at some point, I become the one asking the questions.

In interviews, I learned that it can be good to "read" the style of the person interviewing you. If they are intense, being intense could be good. If they are laid back/casual, it can be good to have that vibe. 

Keep putting yourself in these situations and you'll feel more natural. You may just naturally be an intense person, but you can bring forward the good qualities of being intense and refine the things that tend to intimidate people (like me when I stare people down without realizing it).


----------



## soya (Jun 29, 2010)

make mistakes in front of people, act goofy sometimes, laugh at yourself.

it works for me.


----------



## Cantarella (Sep 3, 2010)

ElasticNebula said:


> I agree that it takes practice. I am also very intense...I have to remind myself to look away from people sometimes/not stare them down. It's especially bad when people are interviewing me...they ask me questions, I am nodding/not looking away...at some point, I become the one asking the questions.
> 
> In interviews, I learned that it can be good to "read" the style of the person interviewing you. If they are intense, being intense could be good. If they are laid back/casual, it can be good to have that vibe.
> 
> Keep putting yourself in these situations and you'll feel more natural. You may just naturally be an intense person, but you can bring forward the good qualities of being intense and refine the things that tend to intimidate people (like me when I stare people down without realizing it).


Thanks, that makes sense. I have the same problem of staring people down. It's like I'm so focused on getting the outcome I want that I forget how to be human until I'm back in a familiar environment.


----------



## Jetsune Lobos (Apr 23, 2012)

Get a dog.

I'm doing the same, but for different reasons.


----------

