# Do ENFPs care more about what others think of them than INFPs?



## Mils (Oct 16, 2010)

Do ENFPs care more about what others think of them than INFPs?


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## xraydav (Jan 3, 2013)

I have an ENFP sister. I think we both have similar anxiety issues. 
Generally INFPs tend to care more what other people think, by having to look through a peekhole and observe other people more and build a sense of reality in their heads, they often have some trouble bridging the gap between what people think and what they* think people think.

ENFPs are actually similar except, what I've noticed is that, they can incorporate their weirdness in social settings and have a much easier time communicating with people on a level that isn't as awkward as the INFPs. I think it's their ability to see the possibility of what it would be like to be in their shoes (Because of their Big Dominant Ne), coupled with the secondary Fi, to accurately depict how they would feel in the other's shoes without letting their emotions get to them too much, and what I've noticed is that ENFPs have a really good understanding of how the people they meet would feel in "certain situations" that the ENFPs experience, so they can mold themselves to how they can get an emotionally charged response from them, etc. (either for bad or for good).

INFPs evaluate too much of themselves, and others and the significance of details in situations to bring themselves to a more worldly view where they also have a role to play and can get responses out of people as well as have responses given to them. They rarely see the bigger picture like ENFPs do, when it comes to conversational affairs and situations themselves, because they are too focused on how they feel because of it rather than for perfecting the perception of the bigger picture itself (like in the case of the ENFP's Ne dominance)

ENFPs also have 'flighty' states where they get lost in a plethora of 'what ifs' and then they can become so flighty that they keep talking and talking maybe even forgetting to think of what others think of them. But this is on occasion and ENFPs do try to be more contemplative and 'down to earth'. In other words, when they come back to the internal reality of their own Fi. 

INFPs can get lost in the complete opposite, they become super introverted and get lost in the details of what people have said or what things have happened or situations. And they close up and maybe even start conceptualizing what they think other people think of them, without fully realizing the possibility that they may think something completely different (which is often the case). But this is on occasion as well, and INFPs do try to be more open minded and 'down to earth'. In other words, when they come back to the external possibilities generated by their own Ne.


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## Tynen (Aug 26, 2013)

I know one INFP, and I am an ENFP. The INFP is 10 years older than me, married, has kids and all that jazz so I don't know how valuable this information is but:

I have found that I care what people think about me way more than the INFP. He cares more about people following a set of moral values though than I am.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

paradoxically, I care a lot and I don't care at all. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the superficial pleasures of popularity. I can be a little bit of a diva. Or, as my sister puts it, a total attention whore. Deep down inside what matters are the people I care about and about being able to sleep peacefully at night.

Reputation does matter. And, it can get you ahead in life. By changing yourself to appeal to the masses you might end up losing those who matter most. Not worth it.


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## ChkChkBoom (Nov 10, 2013)

Hmm me personally, no I don't really care much about what people think of me. I am, however, curious about what people think of me from a detached psychological point of view but I wouldn't place much personal emphasis on it because opinion is subjective. I wouldn't go out of my way to change someone's mind about me if their opinion was negative. I'm not one to bother.


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

Very recently, I came to the conclusion that anyone who doesn't like me doesn't matter. I like who I am (obviously I don't like my faults but I like my personality) and I don't care if someone else doesn't. My INFP friend (who is basically the little sister I never had) is exactly the opposite. She confided in me once that it took her ages to really believed that I genuinely liked her at all. Which is funny because I thought she was awesome from the moment we met! She really didn't know that? She's very sensitive to everyone and to how people perceive her. I remember being that way so I know how it feels but I'm going to cast my vote for INFP. I don't know, you guys seem so sensitive to everyone's perceptions. ENFPs have issues with that as well but you all seem to take it really personally. And I think you tend to react more than we do.

And this is why I've said on multiple occasions that I'm very glad I'm not an INFP. I'm already overwhelmed with emotion as it is. I don't need to be MORE sensitive...


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## erinraith (Sep 16, 2013)

KateMarie999 said:


> Very recently, I came to the conclusion that anyone who doesn't like me doesn't matter. I like who I am (obviously I don't like my faults but I like my personality) and I don't care if someone else doesn't. My INFP friend (who is basically the little sister I never had) is exactly the opposite. She confided in me once that it took her ages to really believed that I genuinely liked her at all. Which is funny because I thought she was awesome from the moment we met! She really didn't know that? She's very sensitive to everyone and to how people perceive her. I remember being that way so I know how it feels but I'm going to cast my vote for INFP. I don't know, you guys seem so sensitive to everyone's perceptions. ENFPs have issues with that as well but you all seem to take it really personally. And I think you tend to react more than we do.


Hmm, I can definitely relate to your friend on many levels. I sometimes wonder if my friends really actually like me as well, probably in part due to the fact that I don't often feel like I'm always surfacing that much of myself (or who I really see myself as), and in part due to the fact that I'm pretty good at hiding when I don't like people and tolerating them, so it's always a possibility that I'm on the receiving end of that as well. But for me, and possibly other INFPs, there are two levels of "caring about what other people think." I want my friends, loved ones, and people I respect to care about me as much as I care about them. I really, really do, and it sometimes stresses me out when I'm insecure about whether they like me as much as I like them. But for randos, I really don't care at all. I'm not at all concerned with how someone on the street might think about my career choices, what I choose to spend my time and energy on, etc. I'm not really concerned that I don't fit the typical "20-something year old" stereotype in terms of partying, drinking, hooking up, and all of that. I care what my friends think about me because they already, in one way or another, have been accepted by my moral system as someone whom I respect, and so the dynamic of how I relate to them becomes entirely different.

Being aware of how people might perceive you and actually caring enough to change who you are are two very different things! I feel like a lot of INFPs might be very self-aware, to the credit of the former, but a lot of us wouldn't abandon our principles to fit in more either.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

I'm not really sure if one type cares more or not... for myself, as some one else said, it's kind of a paradox. One the one hand I tend to not feel pressured to change in order to please others and don't expect/need everyone to agree with or like me. I'm pretty much fine with it if we can just go our separate ways and avoid unpleasant interactions. But on the other hand, I do tend to feel quite troubled when I think someone has misunderstood me and thinks something that isn't true. I also feel very troubled when someone thinks ill of me about something that I value, while if it's not something I value and someone thinks I suck at it I'm not so bothered - in that you can see how it's my own values and evaluation of myself that come before the evaluations of others, but it is still uncomfortable when those evaluations clash. Another thing I notice is that I tend to feel resentful (perhaps more than hurt) when people are critical of things which I don't think are important (that is things I don't value) because I feel like it's pointless negativity over something that doesn't matter - but it still bothers me in that way anyways. So... I do care what others think, but what they think is less likely to make me question myself, and more likely to make me just try to avoid interaction with them or avoid certain topics/situations with them. I imagine ENFPs are probably similar, although _perhaps_ they may be more willing to (at least outwardly) adapt to the expectations of others for the sake of smooth interactions, while perhaps INFPs are more likely to just go the route of avoidance - after all if you spend much of your time by yourself, what other people think is going to have less of an impact. That is slightly different, though, from how much you care about what they think. In any case I find I care quite a bit what certain people who are close to me think, but not very much about what most people think.

I think that feeling emotionally insecure drastically effects how much one worries and 'cares' about what others think of them. I know that is slightly different from basic personality, but I think insecurity can in a way, override a type's more natural outlook. I certainly notice with myself that when I feel like I have the emotional support of a few important people it's pretty easy to brush off criticism and disapproval and not really be bothered. But when I feel like the esteem of one or two of my important people is in question, then I am much Much more troubled by any kind of negativity both from people I'm close to and people who aren't actually a big part of my life (and thus wouldn't normally matter).

And another observation is that I think Es tend to be a little more in the present moment and may get over and forget about negative interactions a little more quickly than Is who I think have a tendency to go home and endlessly replay the negative moment in their mind. I feel like Es are more easily distracted from brooding, and thus don't take things quite as deeply to heart, while an I might more easily blow it out of proportion because of over-thinking it. I could be wrong though, perhaps Es do that too.


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## Destiny Lund (Sep 2, 2011)

Last time I REALLY cared about what someone thought about me was in elementary school. I really only care what my very best friends, my husband, & my few closest family members think of me & even then only to a certain extent. I have never quite fit with the typical ENFP in that aspect.


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## Cosmicnaut (Nov 18, 2011)

I'd say it really depends on the context and the type of person.

I think because ENFPs are extroverted and have a relatively larger group of friends and acquaintances than INFPs, I would assume them to be more inclined to care about what others think of them. But their caring might be short-lived as they meet new people and have new experiences.

INFPs on the other hand probably won't care what others think of them unless it is from someone special or they deeply care about, and they will dwell upon this for a much longer period of time than an ENFP.


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## AddictiveMuse (Nov 14, 2013)

I'm an ENFP and i care a lot about what people think of me...i just want be liked and to be on basically everybodies good side..(although people that infuriate me i don't particularly care as i don't want to be around them) but i also kinda have my guard up constantly and rarely share info. About me with people whom i want to be friends with as i'm afraid they will judge me automatically and dislike me...and i know that's probably a personal issue which has nothing to with my personality i think it's just the way i've learnt to stay out of trouble (my brother is incredibly loud and obnoxious to those around him as he doesn't listen to what they say and gets teased and crap for being different...i don't want that to happen so i learn not to speak due to the fear of being judged and go through what he does) but i think i generally do care about what people think about me...i like being with people and want them to think something positive and true about me...i want to know how they feel about me so i know if i'm being true and making sure they know me for me..not for someone else roud:


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## masterchip27 (Nov 16, 2013)

I care about what people think of me a lot, but at the same time I don't view it as a bad thing, I view it as being aligned with my values.. learning how to express myself with the rest of society is where I've been focusing on recently, and it's helped my interactions!


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## Asid_Reighn (Oct 1, 2013)

I think the true questions is, as opposed to "do we care more what others think" or "do we let what others think stop us"?


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