# Attraction



## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

When you walk into a room. What kind of person do you look for as a potential mate? As an infp I look around for someone who is talkative but mysterious, a little flirty, confident, deep, caring, and happy. But what about other types? What about ExxJ's? What about ExxP's? What do all of you find attractive in another person? Get to the details. 

In my opinion society leads us to believe ALL women find ___attractive and ALL men find ___ attactive. Bullshit much?

So say what attracts you to others....not as a woman or a man....but as you.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

I like quiet, bashful, intelligent, domineering and outgoing women. Hmm, I guess I like a lot of different women.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I look for the quiet one who is authentically eccentric. He might have a book, a notepad, a camera, or a musical instrument with him, and is likely to be focusing on something interesting. He is gentle, humble, softspoken, intelligent and probably sitting alone. He might be dressed either randomly with no concern for his appearance, or with an almost feminine artistic elegance.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

snail said:


> I look for the quiet one who is authentically eccentric. He might have a book, a notepad, a camera, or a musical instrument with him, and is likely to be focusing on something interesting. He is gentle, humble, softspoken, intelligent and probably sitting alone. He might be dressed either randomly with no concern for his appearance, or with an almost feminine artistic elegance.


hahah whenever I have a book in my hand I always attract more women. I definitely like that though....it's a sign they are looking for depth.


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## 480 (Jan 22, 2009)

There's been threads along these lines before... no big deal it is the nature of things that threads die, new people come along and are curious about the same sorts of things... I mention this to say that what I said back then was that I cannot put it into words, but I'll know it when I see it.

What I do know is that it is something exceptional... it lights up the room, and most can but sit and stare.


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## jochris (Jul 18, 2009)

I tend to be attracted to guys who wear glasses, have slightly longer hair, and dress better/a little more formal than others. Intelligence attracts me above other traits, it's a must. A man who can impress me intellectually will capture my attention, at least for as long as he stays fascinating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## εmptε (Nov 20, 2008)

TreeBob said:


> I like quiet, bashful, intelligent, domineering and outgoing women. Hmm, I guess I like a lot of different women.


Laws of attraction: Opposites attract.

 Just joking.

I like similar women to him.


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## kdm1984 (Jul 8, 2009)

thehigher said:


> In my opinion society leads us to believe ALL women find ___attractive and ALL men find ___ attactive. Bullshit much?


Yup, absolutely bullshit. If everyone needed to possess all the same qualities, we'd have no diversity and legions of people would be unable to breed. :laughing:


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

I'm naturally attracted to the ones that are cool and relaxed, exhude inner confidence, and appear to be having a good conversation.

But somehow, I always end up with the ones who are flailing about, doing a reenactment of some sort :crazy: They're the ones that always go for ME.


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## Bonita (May 7, 2009)

that quiet mysterious looking dude whos observing and analyzing me and probably thinking i didnt notice him lol


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

When I walk in a room, I don't look for anything. Looks don't matter to me one bit. I'm not attracted to anyone until I get to know them. It's weird, but it's always been that way. If I don't like a person's personality even if others find them attractive I find them hideous. If others find someone ugly, but I like their personality, I find them extremely attractive. Until I know the personality they feel a-sexual to me.

Weird?


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

BehindSmile said:


> When I walk in a room, I don't look for anything. Looks don't matter to me one bit. I'm not attracted to anyone until I get to know them. It's weird, but it's always been that way. If I don't like a person's personality even if others find them attractive I find them hideous. If others find someone ugly, but I like their personality, I find them extremely attractive. Until I know the personality they feel a-sexual to me.
> 
> Weird?


No not weird and similar to me. For me personality is number one but I still need to have some physical attraction. If I really like their personality then I won't need much.


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> No not weird and similar to me. For me personality is number one but I still need to have some physical attraction. If I really like their personality then I won't need much.


Yeah I mean, I get attracted to some people, but really looks don't do much for me on a love/attraction level. Maybe one-night stand but those aren't really my style. Even then, I'd have to at least tolerate and know their personality a little bit I'd think...and like them. But I guess that's why one night stands aren't my thing...If I had one, it was because I liked their personality, and then I'd want to see more of them. Defeating the entire point of a one-night stand.


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

double post


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

BehindSmile said:


> Yeah I mean, I get attracted to some people, but really looks don't do much for me on a love/attraction level. Maybe one-night stand but those aren't really my style. Even then, I'd have to at least tolerate and know their personality a little bit I'd think...and like them. But I guess that's why one night stands aren't my thing...If I had one, it was because I liked their personality, and then I'd want to see more of them. Defeating the entire point of a one-night stand.


i've had 1 one night stand I will never have another. It feels so empty and cheap. 
OK this might sound base and harsh but as long as I can see myself having sex with them it is enough. OK I said it. Maybe it sounds shallow but it isn't. I am not talking hot or anything but I have small standards that I tend to stick to. 


Edit: By enough I mean I might approach them and get to know their personality.


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## BehindSmile (Feb 4, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> i've had 1 one night stand I will never have another. It feels so empty and cheap.
> OK this might sound base and harsh but as long as I can see myself having sex with them it is enough. OK I said it. Maybe it sounds shallow but it isn't. I am not talking hot or anything but I have small standards that I tend to stick to.
> 
> 
> Edit: By enough I mean I might approach them and get to know their personality.



Am I one-night-stand worthy? :tongue:


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

TreeBob said:


> i've had 1 one night stand I will never have another. It feels so empty and cheap.
> OK this might sound base and harsh but as long as I can see myself having sex with them it is enough. OK I said it. Maybe it sounds shallow but it isn't. I am not talking hot or anything but I have small standards that I tend to stick to.
> 
> 
> Edit: By enough I mean I might approach them and get to know their personality.


Naw, that's not harsh. That's nature at work :wink:


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

BehindSmile said:


> Am I one-night-stand worthy? :tongue:


Well yes but it wouldn't be a one night stand in my mind. Since you got a boyfriend it would kind of be forced on me. You have an attractive personality.


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## DevilDoll (Jul 31, 2009)

When I walk into a room and look around I could be physically attracted to a number of people. I like tall guys, on the thin side and that's what my eye is drawn to. That is simply physical attraction. That is not enough to keep my attention for long. I've met plenty of pretty men who had really unattractive personalities. 

Intelligence is the first thing I look for, if the guy doesn't have brain I'm going elsewhere. I also like men who speak their mind, have a way with words, are polite, passionate, and charismatic. I'm usually drawn to very outgoing people. I don't usually go for other introverts, unless they are boarding on extrovert, because awkward silences bother me and I will fill them with useless information and that can make me seem nuts. 
​


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## 480 (Jan 22, 2009)

I think a lot of a persons personality comes out in how they walk, how they talk and move in general. It just catches your eye and your instincts tell you things about the person. 

You can always dump them later if they end up being retarded or something.


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## Ventricity (Mar 30, 2009)

there are really only two type of women that i have connected both physically and mentally; the outgoing enfp and then the mysterious, kind of mean, dark haired/goth angelina jolie/megan fox type(istp).


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

thehigher said:


> When you walk into a room. What kind of person do you look for as a potential mate? As an infp I look around for someone who is talkative but mysterious, a little flirty, confident, deep, caring, and happy. But what about other types? What about ExxJ's? What about ExxP's? What do all of you find attractive in another person? Get to the details.
> 
> In my opinion society leads us to believe ALL women find ___attractive and ALL men find ___ attactive. Bullshit much?
> 
> So say what attracts you to others....not as a woman or a man....but as you.


Nice way of posing the question...

Someone who seems like a bit of a mental challenge, who is a good observer or efficient dealer with things in a way (meh too detailed to describe), often witty but I prefer the NOT too arrogant or stuckup or boring witty kind of type, has an appealing sense of humor, not too much of a group animal But still sympathetic to others mostly. Has odd/likable quirks or is a bit mysterious. 
Hm, what else...  
This was kind of a shot at a brainstorm.


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

Hmm....pretty close to Higher's first post (opening post). Confident, a bit flity but serious when it comes down to a real relationship. Don't talk to me dirty. I will look at you like "WTF?" and either tell you off ro walk away. Sweet. Deep. Caring. Intellectual. Happy, have a positive attitude. Witty, funny. Confidence is usually key.
However, I have been attracted to more of the silent type. Not exactly shy-- I'll think "how cute" but not as a potential mate. More as protective of them. Serious and thoughtful. Cool and relaxed. However, after a bit of chatting with them, I usually bring out their fun loving/adventerous side! ;P
And I HAVE fallen in love with someone that isn't as smart as I wished they were, but they were very thoughtful, confident, and had good values. She wasn't afraid to stick up for her and her friends. But her attitude got out of hand some times.
OPEN-MINDED is key also.
And I would _like_ to approach a guy reading a book-- but I wouldnt' want to interrupt him  I'd probably wait or hang around or something until he looks up XD And another thing is when they are drawign or doing some form or art (not including singing/acting/etc.). It just peaks my interest and usually gives me something to talk about.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

SuicidalMarshmallow said:


> And I would _like_ to approach a guy reading a book-- but I wouldnt' want to interrupt him  I'd probably wait or hang around or something until he looks up XD


Why do you think he's reading in public in the first place? Interrupt him.



Ventricity said:


> there are really only two type of women that i have connected both physically and mentally; the outgoing enfp and then the mysterious, kind of mean, dark haired/goth angelina jolie/megan fox type(istp).


oh those angelina jolie/megan fox types are istp eh? ....ill be right back


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

thehigher said:


> Why do you think he's reading in public in the first place? Interrupt him.


Lol good point  But that just ruins the whole illusion for me


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I look for anyone who looks single and like they won't shoot me down.


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> I look for anyone who looks single and like they won't shoot me down.


How would you know they're single? D; They're not making out with anyone? XD


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

Needs to think similar to me in core matters, obviously, but beyond that I like someone who is opposite to me. I know I'm pretty extreme in how I think towards lots of matters so I like someone who is on the other side to balance out. Someone touchy-feely, energetic, outgoing, spontaneous, all that stuff that I'm not, because then I totally enjoy them. It just makes that "spark" in my heart that I know to look for.

But mostly just someone relaxed. Relaxed towards themselves, relaxed towards me and the world, just calm on the inside (Not necessarily on the outside). I'm tired of dealing with people who make all sorts of things into huge deals that then become my problem to deal with. Just one thing at a time, one day at a time.

Ok, I need to stop writing, because if I start seriously writing about this I'll be at all day. >.>


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

WolfStar said:


> Needs to think similar to me in core matters, obviously, but beyond that I like someone who is opposite to me. I know I'm pretty extreme in how I think towards lots of matters so I like someone who is on the other side to balance out. Someone touchy-feely, energetic, outgoing, spontaneous, all that stuff that I'm not, because then I totally enjoy them. It just makes that "spark" in my heart that I know to look for.
> 
> But mostly just someone relaxed. Relaxed towards themselves, relaxed towards me and the world, just calm on the inside (Not necessarily on the outside). I'm tired of dealing with people who make all sorts of things into huge deals that then become my problem to deal with. Just one thing at a time, one day at a time.
> 
> Ok, I need to stop writing, because if I start seriously writing about this I'll be at all day. >.>


Haha! XD I know what you mean-- I could go on and on.
And beign calm on the inside is also something that's very beneficial form a partner. I love helping people-- but I need peace and support too. I can't go home to more problems.


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## pianopraze (Jun 29, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> I look for anyone who looks single and like they won't shoot me down.


It's hard now, but when you get older you will find lots of women love you and appreciate you for who you are. Once you get in college more women will appreciate you, and once you are in your mid 20-30's women will absolutely appreciate you. 

This goes to all you INTP males out there. I know it is hard in your teenage years.

Success is sexy. Women are drawn to intelligent successful men. Use that T and know that later on you will be in demand. Be who you are. This is also sexy to women. Maybe not during teenage years, but if you work and study hard and be very authentic... trust me. You will do well with women.


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

SuicidalMarshmallow said:


> Haha! XD I know what you mean-- I could go on and on.
> And beign calm on the inside is also something that's very beneficial form a partner. I love helping people-- but I need peace and support too. I can't go home to more problems.


It's a "romantic" type topic that's fun to talk about and plenty deep. ;D

I don't mind going home to more problems, or my partner having problems, as long as they don't make it my problem. My ex did that so much, expected me to change and be like her, we had so many arguments, all started by her, because she didn't like something and expected me to be like her and not like it as well. Soooooo painful.

Just gotta relax, that's all. :B


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

WolfStar said:


> It's a "romantic" type topic that's fun to talk about and plenty deep. ;D
> 
> I don't mind going home to more problems, or my partner having problems, as long as they don't make it my problem. My ex did that so much, expected me to change and be like her, we had so many arguments, all started by her, because she didn't like something and expected me to be like her and not like it as well. Soooooo painful.
> 
> Just gotta relax, that's all. :B


 I'm not saying they aren't allowed to have problems or ask me to help or anything...but just not be too over reactive about everything ALL THE FREAKING TIME :/ I don't want to sound heartless or mean or anything but I like some peace and quiet. Meaning you are at peace with yourself


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

SuicidalMarshmallow said:


> I'm not saying they aren't allowed to have problems or ask me to help or anything...but just not be too over reactive about everything ALL THE FREAKING TIME :/ I don't want to sound heartless or mean or anything but I like some peace and quiet. Meaning you are at peace with yourself


That I will completely agree with.


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

I'm usually just all:

*Walks in room.*

*Takes a gander.*

*Is TheHigher here?*

*No? *

*Walks to corner and posts up for rest of visit.*


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

I dunno... I seem to always be drawn to the person who's sitting alone. I like guys who are independent, but don't act like I'd be an item with them for convenience sake, just because I'm there...like, they're perfectly happy on their own, but they appreciate my attention. The social butterfly entertaining the crowd might flatter me if I get his attention, but I wouldn't know if I could be sure about his interest in *me* or just anything female. I usually freeze up on guys who are overly flirtatious.


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## WolfStar (Aug 18, 2009)

Alysaria said:


> I dunno... I seem to always be drawn to the person who's sitting alone. I like guys who are independent, but don't act like I'd be an item with them for convenience sake, just because I'm there...like, they're perfectly happy on their own, but they appreciate my attention. The social butterfly entertaining the crowd might flatter me if I get his attention, but I wouldn't know if I could be sure about his interest in *me* or just anything female. I usually freeze up on guys who are overly flirtatious.


Sounds like the same for me, flipped. Some overly flirtatious girl is just gonna make me feel like I'm just yet another dude she's interested in, in a way. I generally end up drawn to the people that are alone because it's a lot more relaxing to be around them, I think, plus that's how I am. :B


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## SuicidalMarshmallow (Aug 15, 2009)

WolfStar said:


> Uhhh, ummm, but your post made too much sense for me to argue about it! D:


 Well find something! D: lol



Alysaria said:


> I dunno... I seem to always be drawn to the person who's sitting alone. I like guys who are independent, but don't act like I'd be an item with them for convenience sake, just because I'm there...like, they're perfectly happy on their own, but they appreciate my attention. The social butterfly entertaining the crowd might flatter me if I get his attention, but I wouldn't know if I could be sure about his interest in *me* or just anything female. I usually freeze up on guys who are overly flirtatious.


Hm...I tend to be biased towards those people at the center of everything because I get a feeling they look down upon others and that their "interest" in me is just to make others laugh. So I'll usually go to the people sitting by themselves because I feel safer. But idk...sometimes people in the center can be good too. It usually just takes one glance for me to decide. The way they regard others is really important.


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

-shrug- You could just as easily say that by going to the people in the corner, I'm seeking attention, since I'm more likely to get noticed in a one-on-one setting then trying to establish my presence in a group. Social laziness....and perhaps a fear of being overlooked. 

Or maybe I know that people who sit by themselves generally make the most loyal friends, because it's easier to be genuine and open when there aren't alot of other people around. >.>

Or perhaps I'm saving someone from the psychopath marking out his next victim in the crowd by distracting him with my rambling chatter.  Eventually he'll be so overwhelmed that he'll wander out and find himself at home and no longer have the will to so much as deal with another person, let alone take a knife to them.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

SuicidalMarshmallow said:


> I'm not saying they aren't allowed to have problems or ask me to help or anything...but just not be too over reactive about everything ALL THE FREAKING TIME :/ I don't want to sound heartless or mean or anything but I like some peace and quiet. Meaning you are at peace with yourself


You mean INTP.
Classic INTP description.


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## birdman (Aug 18, 2009)

Crazy, who like to flirt , but can have a serious conversation with.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

SuicidalMarshmallow said:


> Dark skin! 8D
> Red hair O////O *faints*
> Idk If I'd like a mixture of those two though  It'd be kinda weird....


*Imagines mixture* XD!
How does blonde and moderately tanned sound?


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

*Alright, Ladies*

What is the deal with looks? Do you care about them a lot? Do you not care much at all? Be honest and detailed.


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## Viktoria2 (Feb 15, 2009)

*Yes, yes, they matter. 
Why all the new threads about physical attraction? *


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Viktoria said:


> *Yes, yes, they matter.
> Why all the new threads about physical attraction? *



Dunno really....guess were just bouncin off each others ideas.....intuition tends to do that for me.


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## 1057 (Apr 9, 2009)

not gonna lie, although it's not the most important thing, it does matter. pretty boys and macho men aren't my thing, i like 'normal' looking guys.


i believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder ;P


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

No, they shouldn't ever matter, at all, and I'm appalled that anyone could possibly think they do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viktoria2 (Feb 15, 2009)

snail said:


> No, they shouldn't ever matter, at all, and I'm appalled that anyone could possibly think they do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*You're right that they shouldn't. But they do, nonetheless. For most people. *


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

snail said:


> No, they shouldn't ever matter, at all, and I'm appalled that anyone could possibly think they do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't you think "appalled" is a bit strong of a word, considering the high majority of the population is still subject on some level to their basic instincts?


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

I care, yes. I am a visual person, and physical attraction is necessary for me in a romantic relationship. I don't have strict standards (although I have noticed many trends in preference), and a guy doesn't have to be classically handsome to be attractive. There just needs to be something about him visually which draws me in (in a positive way, haha).


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Azrael said:


> Don't you think "appalled" is a bit strong of a word, considering the high majority of the population is still subject on some level to their basic instincts?


 The word is no stronger than my feelings about this issue, and in fact does little to express the true intensity of my outrage. The idea that the majority of people disagree only makes me more upset about it. Sorry. I am passionately opposed to superficiality. It's one of my personal INFP crusades to destroy it by raising awareness about how damaging it is, both to individuals and to relationships. I have no tolerance for it. At all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

snail said:


> The word is no stronger than my feelings about this issue, and in fact does little to express the true intensity of my outrage. The idea that the majority of people disagree only makes me more upset about it. Sorry. I am passionately opposed to superficiality. It's one of my personal INFP crusades to destroy it by raising awareness about how damaging it is, both to individuals and to relationships. I have no tolerance for it. At all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair enough. Enjoy your crusade...


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

snail said:


> The word is no stronger than my feelings about this issue, and in fact does little to express the true intensity of my outrage. The idea that the majority of people disagree only makes me more upset about it. Sorry. I am passionately opposed to superficiality. It's one of my personal INFP crusades to destroy it by raising awareness about how damaging it is, both to individuals and to relationships. I have no tolerance for it. At all.


How is appreciating beauty only superficial? I think aesthetic value is real, and adds enjoyment to life. If that is a person's only concern or pimary one, then yes, that is shallow, but to assign it some value is not.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Do you all feel sexually attracted by only looks or must you be in a relationship of some kind for those thoughts to form?


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## Scruffy (Aug 17, 2009)

People have different views of attractiveness, and usually find things they find highly attractive in their mates.

I'm not even sure it's possible to be in a relationship with someone you don't find even remotely attractive. It's hard wired into us, and I will say it again *people always find something attractive in their mates*.





> Do you all feel sexually attracted by only looks or must you be in a relationship of some kind for those thoughts to form?


I can feel _sexually_ attracted to a person by looks, hell yes I can. If I were to get into a relationship I'd need far more than looks though.



I am a guy though, and shouldn't even be in this thread. I don't even know why I clicked on a thread titled "alright ladies", I'm probably going to go do some self-evaluation, brb.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

Scruffy said:


> People have different views of attractiveness, and usually find things they find highly attractive in their mates.
> 
> I'm not even sure it's possible to be in a relationship with someone you don't find even remotely attractive. It's hard wired into us, and I will say it again *people always find something attractive in their mates*.
> 
> ...



Well done. 





`````````````


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

OrangeAppled said:


> How is appreciating beauty only superficial? I think aesthetic value is real, and adds enjoyment to life. If that is a person's only concern or pimary one, then yes, that is shallow, but to assign it some value is not.


 The aesthetic value of the body exists, but holds no meaning about the person, only about the object the person occupies. Therefore, to consider it important in determining a person's overall value would make as much sense as basing your attraction even partially on the aesthetic qualities of any other object, such as the color of the person's toilet seat cover, or the style of his shoes. The basic aesthetic value of the unadorned body carries even less value than the appearance of his shoes, which at least reflect his personal sense of style. Presentation of the body through fashion and hygiene can carry a limited amount of valid information about a person, but even these merely offer clues, and do not define the self. The body ages, wears out, is vulnerable to damage, and is a dynamic object. It does not maintain a consistent appearance over time. If a person's attraction is based on such an unstable foundation, the awareness of this fact may create insecurity for the partner, who feels pressured to maintain the object in order to avoid abandonment. This is a reasonable fear, considering the instinctive drives that lead many partners to seek out younger, more physically attractive partners to replace their aging mates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Femme (Jul 12, 2009)

Snail, I have a question for you: When searching for a potential mate, what cues do you subconsciously look for? 

For example, if you happen to find yourself in a coffee shop, library, or any other public place, is there a particular physical characteristic that immediately attracts you?

Considering the fact that it is impossible to converse with every stranger we encounter, physical appearances are the only way to gather a first impression. That does not mean that physical appearances_ define_ a person. For they do not in any way, whatsoever. However, they do portray how the person likes to adorn themselves. Appearances, undoubtedly, hold some insight. We are not just minds floating around; we are physical beings with a desire for sensual stimulation.


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## thehigher (Apr 20, 2009)

intpfemme said:


> Snail, I have a question for you: When searching for a potential mate, what cues do you subconsciously look for?
> 
> For example, if you happen to find yourself in a coffee shop, library, or any other public place, is there a particular physical characteristic that immediately attracts you?
> 
> Considering the fact that it is impossible to converse with every stranger we encounter, physical appearances are the only way to gather a first impression. That does not mean that physical appearances_ define_ a person. For they do not in any way, whatsoever. However, they do portray how the person likes to adorn themselves. Appearances, undoubtedly, hold some insight. We are not just minds floating around; we are physical beings with a desire for sensual stimulation.


Mk. Can anyone else beat this?


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

snail said:


> The aesthetic value of the body exists, but holds no meaning about the person, only about the object the person occupies. Therefore, to consider it important in determining a person's overall value would make as much sense as basing your attraction even partially on the aesthetic qualities of any other object, such as the color of the person's toilet seat cover, or the style of his shoes. The basic aesthetic value of the unadorned body carries even less value than the appearance of his shoes, which at least reflect his personal sense of style. Presentation of the body through fashion and hygiene can carry a limited amount of valid information about a person, but even these merely offer clues, and do not define the self.The body ages, wears out, is vulnerable to damage, and is a dynamic object. It does not maintain a consistent appearance over time. *If a person's attraction is based on such an unstable foundation*, the awareness of this fact may create insecurity for the partner, who feels pressured to maintain the object in order to avoid abandonment. This is a reasonable fear, considering the instinctive drives that lead many partners to seek out younger, more physically attractive partners to replace their aging mates.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Key word being "based". To base an attraction on appearance and to accept appearance as a part of attraction are two different things.

I consider the body a part of the person. It's a part of the whole package because the fact of the matter is, we are not some floating, formless beings. We are physical and live in a physical world, even if not exclusively so. This doesn't mean that appearance trumps the psychological and spiritual aspects of a person. 

The value of a person and romantic attraction are two different things also. You can greatly value someone and have no romantic attraction.

To use this as an excuse to dump off a partner you no longer find physically attractive due to age or something like that is mostly just an example of someone who over values the physical and is a disloyal jerk to begin with. To use this as an excuse to be insecure is just that, an excuse.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I already mentioned that presentation can offer clues, but the actual body structure does not. Facial expressions, mannerisms, etc, while related to the senses, are not considered from an aesthetic perspective, and count as expressive, meaningful clues about what might be underneath. These are only valid indicators of potential meaning because they are active, and therefore tied to the person's will. I still maintain that the actual body is irrelevant in determining attractiveness except when used as an expressive tool rather than an aesthetic object.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ungweliante (Feb 26, 2009)

Azrael, to stay on topic of attraction, I would like to post an aphorism inspired by your signature:

"Breasts move. Men reflect. Gods make real."


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Ungweliante said:


> Azrael, to stay on topic of attraction, I would like to post an aphorism inspired by your signature:
> 
> "Breasts move. Men reflect. Gods make real."


LOL!

I love your avatar by the way. :crazy:


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

So do I. Giggitty giggityy goo.
I look for potential "mates" as nice looking girls who appear to be single an emotionally easy to harm. If things fall through without even the slightest success for me, I use their insecurities to hurt them, badly.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> So do I. Giggitty giggityy goo.
> I look for potential "mates" as nice looking girls who appear to be single an emotionally easy to harm. If things fall through without even the slightest success for me, I use their insecurities to hurt them, badly.


I've never understood people who are proud of being assholes. :mellow:


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

I'm standing up for myself. People who try to use me as a pawn are stopping because they don't want to be on the receiving end of my psychological sledgehammer.


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## LeelooDallas (Sep 15, 2009)

Azrael said:


> I've never understood people who are proud of being assholes. :mellow:


defense mechanism ......


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

It's called a pre-emptive strike.
What I'm doing is called exemplatory retalliation.
When I am attacked, i react and set a gruesome example to any potential agressors.


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## LeelooDallas (Sep 15, 2009)

mortabunt said:


> It's called a pre-emptive strike.
> What I'm doing is called exemplatory retalliation.
> When I am attacked, i react and set a gruesome example to any potential agressors.


you're making me wonder what type school you go to? i know it's been a while since i've been out of HS but are bullies now that common ?


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

>.> I don't think I could date a guy who didn't trust me a little. One of my biggest BIGGEST pet peeves and something guaranteed to set me off is being accused of dishonesty. Even if it isn't verbalized, if I sense it's there, I explode into a fiery ball of fury.


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## Lucretius (Sep 10, 2009)

Alysaria said:


> >.> I don't think I could date a guy who didn't trust me a little. One of my biggest BIGGEST pet peeves and something guaranteed to set me off is being accused of dishonesty. Even if it isn't verbalized, if I sense it's there, I explode into a fiery ball of fury.


I understand exactly what you mean. I don't get offended very easily at all. However, being accused of dishonesty brings a powerful physical sensation of "offense" to my chest. I always try to maintain my cool when I feel that way, but it is powerful. It probably bothers me especially because of how much I value honesty.


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

LeelooDallas said:


> you're making me wonder what type school you go to? i know it's been a while since i've been out of HS but are bullies now that common ?


 I go to a school in a suburban neighborhood. There's a mix of kids, but I've never seen any real bullies. It's the poeple who love to manipulate others that like to use me. I used to be trusting, then I met those fuckers. I have to show I'm not one to be fucked with, or else I'll get hounded by every douchebag in the school. The only strategy for getting rid of bullies that works is not to ignorre it, or to report it to authorities. It's to make them hurt; make a spectacle of them. Reduce them to tears in the middle of a public space. I've been badly bullied in situations where I've had to spend huge amounts of time around people in uncontrolled environments. I met one fucker in a place like that who I will kill if I ever find him again. I will rip him to shreads with my bare hands in front of his mother and delight in his screams. That is how much I hate him. Ignoring him didn't work. Authorities did nothing. They actually somewhat encouraged it; I wasn't popular. The best thing I ever did to him was humiliate him by yelling: "Get the fuck off me, you whore!" in the middle of the dining hall durring announcements. I got a lot of glares for interrupting the camp owner, but he looked like a bigger ass fuck. He didn't speak to me at all for the next day, although he was a full on douchebag again a week later. He threatened to kill me with a knife. He held it up to my face saying: "You'll never see home again." He knocked the wind out of me in front of a counselor, and didn't get in trouble. I wanted to kill everyone in that camp. I still do. There were girls there as well, and he was really good with them. He would have them pretend to like me, then leave me looking stupid, pr getting them things that were really for him. Now you understand my story. Now you understand why I want to kill everyone I look at. Why I hate women. Why I hate extraverts. Why I hate popular people. Why I hate people in healthy relationships. Why I hate authorities. Why I hate sensors. Why I hate favoritism.


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## LeelooDallas (Sep 15, 2009)

Mutatio NOmenis said:


> Why I hate women. Why I hate extraverts. Why I hate popular people. Why I hate people in healthy relationships.


you seem to be doing OK with me :tongue:

seriously though, not like i understand the feeling -being an extroverted woman and all - but i can appreciate that introverted men have a tough time. especially if you arent STs :frustrating: 
the only general advice i can give is focus on graduating and getting the hell out of there! college can be MUCH better as long as you don't go to one of those places that's like high school 2.0. have you started researching where you want to go (like how i'm assuming that you plan on going?)? part of the thing that helped me get through my high school trouble was focusing on future plans and going to a college far far away. you can totally reinvent yourself into the person you'd like to be because noone there is going to try and impose those past impressions on you. you know what i mean, you accidentally eat 1 frigging worm freshman year and you're STILL the worm eater senior year..


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Your advice beats Thracius and his blind optimism.
*Hug*. *Backs of into a bathroom and hides in the corner with an MP-5*.


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## Linesky (Dec 10, 2008)

I 'm gonna keep it Simple:

Someone with a 'seemingly' Interesting Mindset, who knows how to pull off good jokes and who is able to have / evoke fun.
I was going to type "socially fluent" (keeps up a good atmosphere) but that term is so broad... I like someone who's Expressive as well (doesn't depend on E/I). 
Also someone who is NOT a hypocrit or sheep. I like integrity and a so called individual quirk.

*After reflecting on people* That sounded as if I'm judgemental (but I Am critical :O) but I'm actually accepting of everyone. 
Though that doesn't mean I'd *date* everyone, and I guess that's what this Attraction thread is about after all ..or not?


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## ape (Aug 11, 2009)

> Now you understand why I want to kill everyone I look at. Why I hate women. Why I hate extraverts. Why I hate popular people. Why I hate people in healthy relationships. Why I hate authorities. Why I hate sensors. Why I hate favoritism


You are starting to lose

In your circumstances you can take one of two paths. The path of nobility or the easy path.

To be noble, you must take punishment and stay steadfast in what you know is right and wrong and what you know is true and untrue in people

If you let pain and suffering change your truths you are in big trouble......if you turn to hate you lose and everything they did mattered

If instead you become more steadfast in treating others fairly, knowing how you were not treated in such a way and if you always judge and perceive without hate or bias...... that is rooted in your own abuse....... you would be on the path of victory over your tormentors. They gave you an opportunity to prove your strength and after a time you took it

You became a better man than them

So none of it mattered


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## Alysaria (Jul 7, 2009)

As much as people are soul-draining, hateful, self-important jerks....I can't find it in me to be wholly mistrustful. Life isn't kind. Someone will always be in a position where they can and will try to hurt you or take advantage of you if they get the chance. I can't say I'll never be hurt again by someone. I probably will. But I have to be who I am, and part of who I am needs people and is just naive enough to give the benefit of the doubt.

I'll never understand the kids that threw rocks at me when I was little...or the fathers of other children who cussed me out in a drunken rage. I'll never understand the teachers who decided I had too much energy and not enough attention to be worth their time. 

The least I can do for the world is to be the person I needed for someone else....

-hug mutatio-


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## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

*Thank you.* *hugs back.*


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## samtheseal (Apr 13, 2009)

In terms of looks a nice body, the face doesnt have to be great. I grow accustomed to faces, with time you always see something beautiful in everyones.

I really like those people who doesnt fit the mould, conversation with them are always great. A funky sense of humour a kind of family guy sense of humour/witty. An extrovert. Someone intellegient is great cause you get to bounce ideas of each other.


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## Munchies (Jun 22, 2009)

if you are putting yourself out there and being yourself, someone will find you attractive.


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## Kokos (Dec 28, 2008)

The beautiful for the toad is its toadess


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