# INTJ Male ISFP Female Relationship



## nastyneuron (Oct 4, 2018)

Hello everyone, 

I (intj) am about to get engaged to a girl (isfp). Initially it was good but the more i got to know her in the past month or so, i became aware about the massive differences between us . She senses that it is getting difficult but she has no idea to what extent or has no intention of directly fixing it except obsess on her feelings. This really bothers me and I started looking out for solutions and thats how i landed up here. 

I would greatly appreciate anyone who could help me fix the situation, How to make the relation with this girl work.


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## CowardlyPal (Jul 9, 2018)

Oh man. Oman.

Uh, I think everyone gets cold feet before marriage... I mean, what led you to get engaged in the first place?
Talking about it might help? To her or someone else. Why did you decide to marry her? What makes you anxious now? That sorta thing.

I think there’s only so much stranger’s on the internet can do to help, especially because we don’t know all the information, but I think you should talk to someone before making a decision.


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## Kn0wB34 (Sep 2, 2016)

Might want to reconsider or hold off on the engagement [for some time] if you are asking how to make to relationship work with someone this early in the game. For most people, that crap seems to come into play after they've actually lived with someone and become more in-tune of their parther's actual ways for quite some time. But of course, I don't know of your full history and true feelings for this girl.

I guess that only thing you can do is just listen to what emotions are are holding her back. Although a different case, my mom is an ISFP whereas Im INTJ. Usually, I'm her main source to vent, express her feelings to, and serve as a listening ear.Typically, I dont mind having that role and dont even have to give much verbal emotional support. Just as long as if she is able to preach and vent without much interruption or put downs, then it seems good enough for her. She definitely knows how to preach and can be highly expressive when vocalizing her feelings. But eventually, once she gets the feelings off her chest, shes able to get back on track with things.  


Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


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## Catandroid (Jul 9, 2018)

NiTech said:


> Might want to reconsider or hold off on the engagement [for some time] if you are asking how to make to relationship work with someone this early in the game. For most people, that crap seems to come into play after they've actually lived with someone and become more in-tune of their parther's actual ways for quite some time. But of course, I don't know of your full history and true feelings for this girl.
> 
> I guess that only thing you can do is just listen to what emotions are are holding her back. Although a different case, my mom is an ISFP whereas Im INTJ. Usually, I'm her main source to vent, express her feelings to, and serve as a listening ear.Typically, I dont mind having that role and dont even have to give much verbal emotional support. Just as long as if she is able to preach and vent without much interruption or put downs, then it seems good enough for her. She definitely knows how to preach and can be highly expressive when vocalizing her feelings. But eventually, once she gets the feelings off her chest, shes able to get back on track with things.


Same here with an ISFP mother, and ISFPs are noted by Keirsey in "Please Understand Me II" to be the kindest of all types.

My mother desperately needed a listening party since she did not get on with my ISTP father.

Could that be incidental in your developing I over E as a preference in support for your mother? 

Carl Jung talks about the possibilities of N/S changing in early life although I/E and J/P may be more relevant especially in very early childhood as per below:

https://www.personalitycafe.com/myers-briggs-forum/1277963-only-part-your-type-can-change-p-j-3.html


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## Temizzle (May 14, 2017)

nastyneuron said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> I (intj) am about to get engaged to a girl (isfp). Initially it was good but the more i got to know her in the past month or so, i became aware about the massive differences between us . She senses that it is getting difficult but she has no idea to what extent or has no intention of directly fixing it except obsess on her feelings. This really bothers me and I started looking out for solutions and thats how i landed up here.
> 
> I would greatly appreciate anyone who could help me fix the situation, How to make the relation with this girl work.


- scratch that -


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## Jaycen (Sep 27, 2013)

nastyneuron said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> I (intj) am about to get engaged to a girl (isfp). Initially it was good but the more i got to know her in the past month or so, i became aware about the massive differences between us . She senses that it is getting difficult but she has no idea to what extent or has no intention of directly fixing it except obsess on her feelings. This really bothers me and I started looking out for solutions and thats how i landed up here.
> 
> I would greatly appreciate anyone who could help me fix the situation, How to make the relation with this girl work.


Dear fellow INTJ - please consider what you're asking here - "How can I either force my potential life-mate to change who she is at a core level, or failing that, how can I force myself to change at a core level?"

Is that the basis for a healthy relationship? Marriage changes EVERYTHING. Whatever problems you're facing right at this moment are about to be placed under a microscope and magnified by roughly x1000.


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## ricericebaby (Aug 18, 2017)

nastyneuron said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> I (intj) am about to get engaged to a girl (isfp). Initially it was good but the more i got to know her in the past month or so, i became aware about the massive differences between us . She senses that it is getting difficult but she has no idea to what extent or has no intention of directly fixing it except obsess on her feelings. This really bothers me and I started looking out for solutions and thats how i landed up here.
> 
> I would greatly appreciate anyone who could help me fix the situation, How to make the relation with this girl work.


Just because something is difficult does not mean it isn't worthwhile.

What are some of the biggest differences you're encountering? Are they tending to be differences in functionality, or world view?


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