# How do Fi and Fe feel love?



## Ryosuke93 (Feb 29, 2012)

greenlow said:


> "I can imagine perhaps the worst thing for an Fe type would be to love someone and to never have that person know how much they cared for them. "
> 
> "Fe- show love
> Fi- act out of love"


Thank you to @greenlow for explaining Fi more. As an Fe dominant personality, I was really intrigued to learn more about the other feeling function, Fi. I used to think everyone would kind of show their love in both Fi and Fe ways (before I even knew what Fi and Fe was). To see the way people feel love, in two different kinds of functions, is super eye-opening. I used to think if that person doesn't express their love in more showy ways, then maybe they didn't feel it very strongly. Now I see that they might feel it very strongly, but it's so strong and deep that it is hard to express.

It makes me wonder now about the people in my life who are Fi users (although not Fi dominant), who I thought were less caring because they don't talk about their feelings, but may in reality care a great deal.

I really admire Fi users for the ability to feel love in this way. I think it is ideal to love deeply. I wish to see my loved ones with such intensity of love, but in honesty I am not really even aware of my own feelings a lot of the time. I do know that I feel lots of warmth and have a drive to express genuine care for them. Also, I know that if a situation arises, I would protect them with my entire being, but such thoughts aren't reflected upon as often as I would hope for, whereas for an Fi user, then maybe such thoughts come about often?

Anyway, the above quote about the worst thing that could happen for an Fe is for the other person to not know how much they care about them is true, if it involved my family and close friends. I would be deeply hurt by their hurt if they thought I didn't care about them.


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## PisceanReve (Jun 2, 2011)

just like Ti and Te


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

I don't think Fi/Fe_ feel_ love any differently. How they express it, or lack of is different . I may not express my love the same way an Fe user would, although that doesn't mean i don't feel the same way. I don't feel its necessary to express it unless need be. For me it doesn't feel genuine if i have to constantly express it externally in order to show i care. This by no means says i don't care, because i feel that love very deeply. Talking about my emotions makes me feel uncomfortable unless its with people i know really well. I find it easier to show my affection through actions, or subtle things that don't have to promote a big scene. People who use too much emotion in expression also make me feel uncomfortable, because in my mind again, why is that necessary.


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## Arrow (Mar 2, 2012)

Comments like these confuse me completely in terms of Fi and Fe. A lot of the comments being attributed to Fe sound like comments I do all the time as a dominant Fi user (INFP).


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## Agent Blackout (Mar 1, 2012)

shedreamt said:


> As a Fi user I know how I view love. I see it as all consuming and kinda self centered because I am focused on how the object of my affection makes me feel. I am not as in tune with how others are feeling most of the and I hear Fe users prioritize this.
> 
> How do Fe users know they are in love with someone? Are they more easily swayed by the other persons feelings so they stay in bad relationships longer despite not feeling in love? Do Fe users love as deeply... or are they more cut off from their feelings?
> 
> Sorry if I am not having the right idea about Fe. It is hard to understand in terms of romance.


All the Fe descriptions mentioned before sound just about right.
As an Fe user, I simply can't internalize my feelings... Must. Express. Feelings. Lol
I've heard stories from friends about health issues due to consistent internalization... just to illustrate how strong of an outward direction this function has. (As a matter of fact, as an INTP I think the only times I feel completely "outside my head" are usually when I'm engrossed in or expressing feeling without restraint.)

If I don't express verbally, then I feel unsettled if I don't get it out somehow (gift, hug, other manifestation...)
What helped me understand the difference between Fe/Fi better was comparing Te/Ti, because there seems to be a similar difference between them...

Experiencing love?
I tend to organize external priorities around that person, the extent of which depending on investment in that person.
I might drop activity/plans if that person needs something; their needs would definitely be part of my priorities.
This would _surely_ happen if I sensed they were in any type of emotional distress, and I would feel unresolved if I didn't take any possible action to do something about it or at least keep a check on them.
Sometimes I get so engrossed in how another is feeling, that I'll almost completely forget that I have my own needs to be tended to also. (I also don't like to say a need is entirely my own. That makes me feel weird. The needs of people who are special to me _are_ my needs.)

Fe users are not necessarily swayed by other persons. Mostly just the way of setting standards and assessing things gets exchanged and built upon between people through contact/communication. Just because two Fe users differ on their feelings about something, does not necessarily mean they will change how they feel -- they may however feel the need to accommodate the other person by saying things that make the other feel like their opinion is no less valid than their own, lol.

If I had to break up with someone, I'd definitely be considering every which way they would take it. This has sometimes made me stay a bit longer than I should've.

I don't see any reason why either Fe or Fi could love more deeply than the other.

Good questions, btw. Hope this provides insight!


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## paper lilies (Dec 6, 2011)

Misha said:


> I'll make a generalized characteristics between the two:
> 
> Fi users "consume" love and it affect them deeply inward emotionally. This will often lead them to not be as expressive and they tend to take little cues through observations and tend to be less verbal about it.
> 
> Fe users, on the other hand, constantly need to express their inward feelings outwardly and tend to be very expressive. One obvious sign is either they love to show their love through gifts, or they tend to seek verbal validation from others.


ISFJ ex is exactly the description of Fe above. ISFJ ex used to send me songs expressing how much love they had for me, make little paintings and drawings for me that centered around the two of us together... I believe one was my hand and their hand reaching out for each other amongt the stars. They called it "written in the stars". There were always outward expressions of love and affection. Always trying to psysically cuddle and touch me in some way (i.e. my arm, my hand, etc) which is one part I did not appreciate due to my extreme personal space issues. Also, verbal validation as stated above, they were always asking me if I loved them back, why didn't I say it enough, if I "truly" loved them I would say it all the time. That's just not how I operate. I don't feel the need to tell someone I love them all the time, or even everyday. If I tell you that I love you at some point, I do. For me, it doesn't have to be constantly said. In my point of view, if it's something you know inside, that's all that matters.


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## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

All right, I'm going to get this down in concrete form before my impressions of the situation disappear.

Had dinner with an INTP and an INFJ last night. Was accused, or so it felt, of being an "evil genius," constantly "manipulating" people and situations. I argued that this is one of the ways I demonstrate love to those I care about - by using the foresight and influence I've come to develop in learning typology to re-align situations and people in ways that make all involved better off. Labeling that as "evil" undermines every effort I've ever made to love those I care about - or so it _feels_. And there isn't really anything "genius" to it. It's merely commitment because Fi deems it so.

The hilarious thing is, while Fi was having its fit, the INFJ and INTP were likely, beyond distorted perception, trying to compliment. Obviously, this sketch is more about Fe-Fi interactions and demonstration of love (which still may be useful to those here wanting to learn more about such interactions) than _feeling _love, if there is a difference between the two. But the perceptive bias inherent in the two functions - that an Fi user's values are "all" for good, and that the Fe user's values are "good" for all - must hold some significance in defining "love" between those who use either function.


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