# Sx-doms: Are you attracted to competition?



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Dark Romantic said:


> I don't think it _originates _with the sexual instinct, but it would make sense if it was amplified by it. That's what I wanted to take a look at by making this thread; if there were any correlations between the two. I wouldn't expect an Sx 9 to be as competitive as an Sp 3, but it would be reasonable to assume an Sx 3 would be more so, since they would add a drive toward intensification on top of their primary drive to stand out beyond the norm.


How does competition help you connect? Please explain that to me.

How do define the sexual instinct? How does it work for you? 

I believe you that you are competitive. But I don't believe that is coming from your sexual instinct. As a 7, you naturally seek intensity because of a very basic fear. You could pursue relationships and intense connections when that fear comes up. But I doubt you would use competition if you use connection to avoid that fear. That doesn't make any sense.


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## Nobleheart (Jun 9, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> How does competition help you connect? Please explain that to me.


When you compete and win, people like you more. People are attracted to winners. Even if you don't win, people are attracted to strength in whatever form they perceive it, be that physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual strength, talent, drive, etc. When people respect you, they are more likely to want to connect with you. People are also likely to be physically attracted to these traits, especially women. The guy who seems like the alpha male gets the girl. When you compete, you lead. Leaders get to set the terms on who they connect with. This is a self sustaining circle that can be broken very simply by not having the drive to engage those instincts to compete.

The sexual subtype is all about the instincts and drives that go along with being a mammal outside of our need to be social and not die. The reason it's called sexual is because this is the most obvious instinct that the subtype engages. The competition instinct is one of the basic parts of the sexual instinct. Humans have a drive to compete to be the best mate possible so they can attract the best mate possible. We manifest it in different ways. A lot of guys want to be the toughest, strongest, meanest, baddest, richest, etc. Others want to be the smartest, coolest, geekiest, etc. A lot of women want to be the prettiest, sexiest, nicest, most innocent, etc. These are all sx motivations. And the goal is to attract and keep a mate, and engage the pair bonding instinct. There is a whole lot that goes with this. The end result is a subconscious instinct to compete pretty much anywhere a competition (that can be won) presents itself.

This instinct could be applied to pretty much any Enneagram type. In some it's more obvious than others. Sexual 9's for example are mergey as hell, but they will compete in their own way, such as making sure they're the one who is more accessible to their mate or desired mate, or by being the best person to be around, the easiest to get along with, etc.

Social / sexual subtypes want to connect with people and bond with them for mutual support, and hopefully find a mate in the process. The goal isn't bonding with one special person. It's connecting with people. If an so/sx had to choose between being alone with their mate forever -or- connecting with people for as long as they want, they would more likely choose to connect with people because they can always find another mate - one that will share in their love of connecting with people.

Sexual / social subtypes want to bond with one person and enjoy the company of people in the process. The goal isn't connecting with people. It's bonding with a mate. If an sx/so had to choose between being alone with their mate -or- connecting with people, they would more likely choose their mate unless they were only using them to satisfy the void of a mate - at which point, they still seek contact with people so they can find the real mate. The attracting and holding of a mate dictates all of the associated behaviors (conscious or not) are of highest priority. One near or at the top of the list is competition instinct.


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> How does competition help you connect? Please explain that to me.


It's a shared experience, one which evokes feelings that I enjoy, more so when someone else is experiencing them, too. As long as nobody takes things personally, it's a lot of fun and is something I can easily use to explore someone's deeper self. I identify with the Type 8 idea that the truth comes out in a fight; the only difference is, I prefer to keep it fun and take off on exploration from there. I like to enjoy myself and to stand out; competition is an easy way to do both.

I think it's fairly obvious how competition would play out in a sexual situation, so I won't go there.



> How do define the sexual instinct? How does it work for you?


I would define it as the instinct that seeks intensity and close connections, whether it is with another person, or activity. As long as a powerful connection is felt, the variant is active. It's called the "sexual" instinct because it can be broken down to the desire to seek a climactic interaction; a climactic interaction being easily found with competition.



> I believe you that you are competitive. But I don't believe that is coming from your sexual instinct. As a 7, you naturally seek intensity because of a very basic fear. You could pursue relationships and intense connections due when that fear comes up. But I doubt you would use competition if you use connection to avoid that fear.


Why? Connection and competition are not mutually exclusive; you are still interacting with the person you are competing with, still pursuing an intense relationship with the person with whom you are competing (even if it's only temporary). The only difference is that the intense connection is pursued through a more counterintuitive method. Some people cannot feel the connection; I can. All that is required is a shared intensity, a climactic interaction with someone else.


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## Nobleheart (Jun 9, 2010)

Dark Romantic said:


> Why? Connection and competition are not mutually exclusive; you are still interacting with the person you are competing with, still pursuing an intense relationship with the person with whom you are competing (even if it's only temporary). The only difference is that the intense connection is pursued through a more counterintuitive method. Some people cannot feel the connection; I can. All that is required is a shared intensity, a climactic interaction with someone else.


I really like the way you worded this, and I agree very much so. Add this to what I said about wanting to bond with a mate.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Nobleheart said:


> When you compete and win, people like you more. People are attracted to winners. Even if you don't win, people are attracted to strength in whatever form they perceive it, be that physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual strength, talent, drive, etc. When people respect you, they are more likely to want to connect with you. People are also likely to be physically attracted to these traits, especially women. The guy who seems like the alpha male gets the girl. When you compete, you lead. Leaders get to set the terms on who they connect with. This is a self sustaining circle that can be broken very simply by not having the drive to engage those instincts to compete.


You are talking about being defined within a social structure. You are talking more about a social instinct. 



> The competition instinct is one of the basic parts of the sexual instinct.


This is not what sexual instinct is about. But I'm not surprised you don't understand. The sexual instinct in the most mistyped instinct. The sexual instinct is not just about intensity. If you are intense, that doesn't mean that you are necessarily SX.



Dark Romantic said:


> It's a shared experience, one which evokes feelings that I enjoy, more so when someone else is experiencing them, too. As long as nobody takes things personally, it's a lot of fun and is something I can easily use to explore someone's deeper self. I identify with the Type 8 idea that the truth comes out in a fight; the only difference is, I prefer to keep it fun and take off on exploration from there. I like to enjoy myself and to stand out; competition is an easy way to do both.


I am not sure how you are saying this isn't due to your fix. 



> I think it's fairly obvious how competition would play out in a sexual situation, so I won't go there.


It's not obvious to me so go ahead and explain. 





> I would define it as the instinct that seeks intensity and close connections, whether it is with another person, or activity. As long as a powerful connection is felt, the variant is active. It's called the "sexual" instinct because it can be broken down to the desire to seek a climactic interaction; a climactic interaction being easily found with competition.


 It's deeper than that. It is not just a climatic reaction. And the activity isn't what activates the variant. The variant is the drive behind the behaviors.

sp/so: Knowing the heart and securing union
sx/so: challenge convention, exhibitionist

Those are core motivations of the sexual drive

My problem is when people attach things that don't belong together. I've obviously had the sexual instinct drive all my life. It's easy to separate it from my core fix and fixes. The drive is how I obtain my passions and desires. It's usually in overdrive, if fact. It's not something to be proud of, but it's certainly something to bring to a conscious level.

Can an sexual be competitive? I suppose so, but that doesn't define the sexual instinct at all. Competing with a person tells me nothing of this drive. 





> Why? Connection and competition are not mutually exclusive; you are still interacting with the person you are competing with, still pursuing an intense relationship with the person with whom you are competing (even if it's only temporary). The only difference is that the intense connection is pursued through a more counterintuitive method. Some people cannot feel the connection; I can. All that is required is a shared intensity, a climactic interaction with someone else.


When a sexual seeks to bond with an experience as opposed a person, they become the embodiment of that experience. This has nothing to do with the drive to merge. 

If we were to have a discussion about sx, first take out the motivations of your fixes. What you have left is your drive. Especially with you because you have a lot of competitive fixes.


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## QDesjardin (Apr 22, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> You are talking about being defined within a social structure. You are talking more about a social instinct.


What Nobleheart says can be seen as stemming from the yearnings to connect socially with other people, or from the need to find a soul mate in the process -- the competing aspect coming from finding that intensity in rising to the top and becoming desirable. The difference may rest in if you're ultimately satisfied by just other peoples' acceptance of you, or if you still feel there's something missing besides that.



pinkrasputin said:


> This is not what sexual instinct is about. But I'm not surprised you don't understand. The sexual instinct in the most mistyped instinct. The sexual instinct is not just about intensity. If you are intense, that doesn't mean that you are necessarily SX.


I recall that the sexual instinct, being the instinct of attraction, it is aggressive, competitive, single-minded, "all-or-nothing" -- where this energy is intensely fiery and affirmative, a go-get-it approach.. with this instinct you are either turned on or you're not. You might confuse this with the 3's desire to perform -- perhaps the 3 would compete, insomuch as trying to best hirself or against other people; the sexual instinct has an added desperation to it, if you really get involved and that suddenly it's as if you're pouring yourself out. Like merging.



pinkrasputin said:


> When a sexual seeks to bond with an experience as opposed a person, they become the embodiment of that experience. This has nothing to do with the drive to merge.


And that can be seen as a sort of merging, oui?


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

QDesjardin said:


> And that can be seen as a sort of merging, oui?


That last part was a typo during a cut and paste. So you can clear that off the table. 

And why are you speaking French to me?


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## QDesjardin (Apr 22, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> That last part was a typo during a cut and paste. So you can clear that off the table.
> 
> And why are you speaking French to me?


Because I can, I like French, and you need not feel suspicious of my borrowings from another language.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

QDesjardin said:


> Because I can, I like French, and you need not feel suspicious of my borrowings from another language.


Not, suspicious. Just thought it was lame.


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## QDesjardin (Apr 22, 2012)

pinkrasputin said:


> Not, suspicious. Just thought it was lame.


Shame.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

No, I'm not competitive just for the sake of competition. I'd like to hear why anyone would think being SX first would attract competition. 

If there is any kind of a correlation then it'd be most likely SO/SP or SP/SO. Other than that, most SX would _not_ be interested in competition.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Dark Romantic said:


> Does a natural love of intense, highly charged scenarios translate into increased competitiveness? I would say I'm more competitive than 99.9% of the people I know, but I'm wondering if that's just an id-type thing, or if the sexual instinct might factor into it, too.


It's probably not type related but if liking competition is related to any instinctual stacking it would be SP first.

Not SX. SO...maybe but SP is more likely.


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## QDesjardin (Apr 22, 2012)

MNiS said:


> If there is any kind of a correlation then it'd be most likely SO/SP or SP/SO. Other than that, most SX would _not_ be interested in competition.


How come you imagine competition is more for SO and SPs? Do you suppose the intensity between people matters little in competing?


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

@QDesjardin 

Well for SP it might be an engrained component to a person's psyche. 



SP first said:


> "Resources are finite and I have to beat out everyone in order to make sure I'm well accounted for."





SO first said:


> "Hey, this way is my claim to fame."





SX first said:


> "If I beat out everyone, I'm sure to impress so-and-so!"


There's probably no association between the instinctual stackings and competition but if there's any relationship then it would likely be SP or SO, although now that I think about it, SX first might be interested in competition for the right reasons as well.


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## QDesjardin (Apr 22, 2012)

Strange, from the way you describe it, it primarily matters what's there to be won from the competing. If there's nothing good to be gained for one's resources, the SP would save their limited energies. If there's no fame to be won over, the SO may lose interest. 

I feel this still doesn't properly address the SX's desires though - you've mentioned impressing so-and-so, but if.. there's 'something' the SX so badly wants, even if he has to fight over other people for it, or if the SX just needs to feel more alive in the competing itself.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Psst I'll let you in on a little secret. The instinctual stackings have nothing to do with competition. :wink:

It's a rather frivolous idea that has very little merit. Not everything is necessarily connected or related to one another. Plus, I'm sure large groups are diverse enough to where one wouldn't be able to generalize/stereotype in such a manner.


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## QDesjardin (Apr 22, 2012)

To me, that may just as well be a meritless secret. :wink:


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

> Not everything is necessarily connected or related to one another. Plus, I'm sure large groups are diverse enough to where one wouldn't be able to generalize/stereotype in such a manner.


There's your merit right there. :wink:


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## Dark Romantic (Dec 27, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> I am not sure how you are saying this isn't due to your fix.


I wasn't, since that wasn't the question you asked.



> It's not obvious to me so go ahead and explain.


It's competition as far as it relates to competing for a mate.



> It's deeper than that. It is not just a climatic reaction. And the activity isn't what activates the variant. The variant is the drive behind the behaviors.


Not a climactic reaction, a climactic interaction. There is a difference. A climactic reaction has nothing to do with a variant, as it is simply a reaction to a situation and doesn't imply any active searching of the kind. A drive to seek out climactic interactions would; the desire to "merge" with another person can be described as an all-encompassing climax experienced through the totality of that other person.



> If we were to have a discussion about sx, first take out the motivations of your fixes. What you have left is your drive. Especially with you because you have a lot of competitive fixes.


In other words, what you're saying is that someone with a very competitive personality will find motives toward competition regardless of their variant? Fair enough. This doesn't really prove the idea that the variant wouldn't have any effect on the competitiveness of a given person, though, since yourposts thus far imply that the variant would alter the style, direction, and/or motive behind doing so.


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## Ventricity (Mar 30, 2009)

MNiS said:


> Psst I'll let you in on a little secret. The instinctual stackings have nothing to do with competition. :wink:
> 
> It's a rather frivolous idea that has very little merit. Not everything is necessarily connected or related to one another. Plus, I'm sure large groups are diverse enough to where one wouldn't be able to generalize/stereotype in such a manner.


what are you talking about? the instinctual variants are all about competition, in that they are survival tactics and purely egotistical. surely you must know some basic biology, linking survival to competition? the question is rather about how you define competition, because a lot of things can be about that and the variants are all competing differently. 

in fact, i would say that SX doms are the most competitive on a personal level. for instance a SO dom will be competitive in relation to the group he sees himself with. a Guido(SO dom) will compete by trying to look and appear as good/cool as he can. but in "everyday competitions" like board games and sport, he will not care much. a SO dom will slant people who is not up to his(the group) standards. this can sometimes be mistaken for being competative. individually they will only compete on the basis of the social standards they strive to be a part of. SX dom on the other hand is far more specific, either to impress a partner or just to feel the intensity of the competing nature. competition can be lustful ond passionate for the SX dom. it is not always important to win, but to make a specific person you are competing with realize that you are his superior, unbeknownst to the group that are spectating.

as for SP doms, they are far more pragmatic and is only concerned in everyday competition if it relates to something important to them. for instance my SP dom friend and i was on a camping trip. he is not competitive in the ordinary sense, but i felt it was important for him to be able to master "survival tactics", like reading a map, having the correct gear. this is a competition for him, to be able to excell in those things.


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