# Soul connection...



## RomanticEditor (Sep 28, 2009)

I have to confess that whenever I’ve sought to establish a soul connection with someone of the opposite gender - even if I only intended it to be a friendship -- it followed a predictable pattern. No matter how I tried to avoid it, sooner or later, I'd become infatuated and therefore obsessed whenever it involved someone attractive to me. I tend to go from one extreme to the other: either overly protective of myself, or overly involved. Life is about finding a balance I guess...


The blueprint is familiar enough, so that each scenario is almost a replay of the previous one. This, however, has been an advantage, as it has helped me to detect and correct the flaws this time around. I realize I don’t have to pursue insecure impulses that end up sabotaging what I most want to protect.

To the degree that I’d get closer, the danger of becoming clingy would intensify. I didn't recognize it as clingy behavior, but saw it as intimacy building. Here’s a rough sketch of what my experience looked like: First, the friendship would begin light and spontaneous with lots of deep sharing. Once we began to click, however, my heart would grow faint. Soon I’d be under her spell and look for any and every excuse to be close to her with little capacity to establish healthy boundaries, so as to lose myself in a sea mixed with euphoria and misery. Eventually, the more I'd be around her, the weaker and more dependent I'd become -- the final result being -- I'd become pensive, heavy-hearted, self-conscious and afraid of possible rejection. For the other person, well, they just would take me for granted rather than cut me loose.

I'm learning to be more competent now in soothing myself rather than depending upon someone else to look after me. Before “the hole in my soul” was so huge I’d drive any prospect away -- nipping the bud before it had a chance to grow. 

Unlike most people, I have to work twice as hard to keep myself self-contained or self-reliant when bitten by the infatuation bug. However, it’s ironic because solitude allows me to regroup, recharge and become stronger while the clingy behavior weakens me. So, I've discovered the importance of knowing when to fade into the background rather than make a nuisance of myself. I've adopted this new intermittent strategy – choosing intervals of time in which to interact, making sure those talks are spread out over larger blocks or spaces of time.

I never realized how much over-arousal (not sexual) I experience around someone I care for. It still takes days for me to get over the intoxicating exhilaration I feel when I’ve interacted with someone I consider significant to me. I’m vulnerable that way, especially if the sharing goes beyond a couple of hours.I'm thankful I can finally free to enjoy a soul connection without being derailed by the past side effects. Friendship is an exciting invitation to live inside another person.

A friend shouldn’t have to be told his or her place, but possesses the sensitivity and security to discern that place in advance. He or she is able to read expressions, gestures and actions or what is left unsaid or undone -- never presuming to gain special standing unless this is explicitly expressed by the other. Jesus instructed his disciples it is more commendable to take the lowest seat then to be relocated or reassigned to the seat of honor, rather than taking in the seat of distinction – only to be told to move. Taking the lowly place is an attitude of humility and is a sign of true listening. It’s saying, “I care for you, but it’s important to respect your point of view and what you ultimately want.”


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Hey RomanticEditor, good post. I was wondering if you could post on this thread for me. http://personalitycafe.com/general-psychology/5735-shadow-love-attraction.html

I would be interested in hearing your views. Hopefully you know the types of some of your soul mates.


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