# your instinctual variant? Vote here



## dfoster (Mar 8, 2010)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> @_dfoster_
> what's your instinctual variant?


I believe I'm so/sp


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

I like so/sx types  I feel that with other sp/sx types, there might be a lot of stomping on the same spot without anything happening in the sx department at least. 

I'm fairly certain about my sp/sx. I was thinking the only other possibility is sx/sp, but I don't think I have enough sx energy even though it's fairly strong. I seem to put my personal needs first.


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

I'm social dom, unsure about the second. So I have nothing to click. 


Nevermind, I got it figured out. So/sx.

(For the record, I oscillated between sx/sp and sp/sx for a couple of years. Instincts can be tough to figure out.)


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

LeaT said:


> I like so/sx types  I feel that with other sp/sx types, there might be a lot of stomping on the same spot without anything happening in the sx department at least.


+9000



> I'm fairly certain about my sp/sx. I was thinking the only other possibility is sx/sp, but I don't think I have enough sx energy even though it's fairly strong. I seem to put my personal needs first.


my take on Sx is that it's basically the instinct of obsession/addiction. when you like something, you want more, and more, and MORE and MORE!!!. how do you relate to this?


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> my take on Sx is that it's basically the instinct of obsession/addiction. when you like something, you want more, and more, and MORE and MORE!!!. how do you relate to this?


Agreed! When I become obsessed in a person I think is interesting, I want to spend every waking minute getting to know that person. It becomes rather intense if it's mutual. The feeling if stronger if the person is also not a dominant sp type though. Again, I notice that sp and sp tend to deflect each other away. I know this ENFP IRL and we've known each other for maybe half a year or so now, but even though we are good friends, we are still not really close. It takes a lot of effort to gain the closeness you gain more effortlessly with so/sx or dominant sx types.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

I am most likely so-last. I do not pay attention to group dynamics and development, I do not know what are the latest news or gossips nor do I care about the latest fashion. I am not aware of my social status and I don't actually even care. But I am definitely not anti-social like some people seem to think. I just prefer my own solitude and few close friends. I am capable of socializing but I do not need or enjoy it like so-doms nor am I capable of relating to or getting to know other people like they are.

It's interesting how my behavior here, PerC, manifests my instinctual variants very well since I only seek for few individuals who fascinate me particularly and it took me ages to realize that there are "elite" and "vip" members here and that certain members have more power than others. Sometimes the awareness of my unawareness is painful.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Zweetner said:


> I am most likely so-last. I do not pay attention to group dynamics and development, I do not know what are the latest news or gossips nor do I care about the latest fashion. I am not aware of my social status and I don't actually even care. But I am definitely not anti-social like some people seem to think. I just prefer my own solitude and few close friends. I am capable of socializing but I do not need or enjoy it like so-doms nor am I capable of relating to or getting to know other people like they are.
> 
> It's interesting how my behavior here, PerC, manifests my instinctual variants very well since I only seek for few individuals who fascinate me particularly and it took me ages to realize that there are "elite" and "vip" members here and that certain members have more power than others. Sometimes the awareness of my unawareness is painful.


 As an sp/sx myself, this is explained very well. I couldn`t agree with you more. I don`t care about social status either, i socialize when i want too, not for the sake of it. And don't even get me started with gossip . I'd rather be in the company of people i value exchanging a deeper connection.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> As an sp/sx myself, this is explained very well. I couldn`t agree with you more. I don`t care about social status either, i socialize when i want too, not for the sake of it. And don't even get me started with gossip . I'd rather be in the company of people i value exchanging a deeper connection.


I actually wrote something related here earlier this evening so -- to avoid off-topic discussion which I definitely see coming if I write to you as much as I'd like to -- you can go and read some of my examples and reply me there if you like 

Some people here actually suggested so-dom to me once too but it just doesn't fit. It's actually an amusing thought since the most exhausting and hurtful battles I have had with other people have been because of this subject. Some find it hard to accept that not all are the same. In my life, the so-doms who have tried to "cure" me, the poor me who does not understand what it takes to be a healthy and happy human being in this world, would laugh at the thought of me being so-dom if I ever wanted to amuse myself and them by expressing that  They wish I was stronger so-user, I am satisfied with the way I am now.


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

Zweetner said:


> It's interesting how my behavior here, PerC, manifests my instinctual variants very well since I only seek for few individuals who fascinate me particularly and it took me ages to realize that there are "elite" and "vip" members here and that certain members have more power than others. Sometimes the awareness of my unawareness is painful.


I never considered myself to be a social person but I've always been very conscious about the social structure on here (and in other places). I could see who the respected, well-liked people were on here and it was more than obvious I wasn't one of them. I hated that it bothered me. Being a social 4w5 feels really stinking conflicting. Now that I've acknowledged that it made me feel like crap (not to be well-liked, respected), it feels a little silly that I cared and I'm over it.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Zweetner said:


> I am most likely so-last. I do not pay attention to group dynamics and development, I do not know what are the latest news or gossips nor do I care about the latest fashion. I am not aware of my social status and I don't actually even care. But I am definitely not anti-social like some people seem to think. I just prefer my own solitude and few close friends. I am capable of socializing but I do not need or enjoy it like so-doms nor am I capable of relating to or getting to know other people like they are.
> 
> It's interesting how my behavior here, PerC, manifests my instinctual variants very well since I only seek for few individuals who fascinate me particularly and it took me ages to realize that there are "elite" and "vip" members here and that certain members have more power than others. Sometimes the awareness of my unawareness is painful.


Yes.

I think for Sx/Sp's, it's more painful because you're still oriented towards people because of the Sexual instinct, but you have no knowledge or interest in many of the formalities that most people care about. I know for myself, I'd rather bypass all the "protocols" that people do in order to mate (i.e. dating, back-and-forth emails/texts/IMs) and just get to the merging.

For Sp/Sx's it's not too bad. >_>


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## WOLFsanctuary (Sep 19, 2012)

TrialByFire said:


> Im SX/SP, *Im surprised there are so many of us*...


I AM TOO  I love this website ;-)

By 4w3 SX/SP


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

brainheart said:


> I never considered myself to be a social person but I've always been very conscious about the social structure on here (and in other places). I could see who the respected, well-liked people were on here and it was more than obvious I wasn't one of them. I hated that it bothered me. Being a social 4w5 feels really stinking conflicting. Now that I've acknowledged that it made me feel like crap (not to be well-liked, respected), it feels a little silly that I cared and I'm over it.


Yeah, I'm not really surprised that INFP 4w5 is not considering herself a social person...  The orientation, motivation and level of awareness is what matters, not the behaviour. I could act in a way that might make me look sociable but with little awareness of social contexts I would not be any more social dom than I am now.

I have noticed differences though, differences between me and some other so-lasts. At least cognitive functions have to be considered too. It took me some time to differentiate social variant and extroverted feeling but I think I can do it now. I am awful at paying and keeping my attention to social issues like group dynamics, status, society, politics etc. (so-last) but I am much more aware of the norms and values of the environment I am in (and I assume that is related to use of extroverted Feeling). I can sense the way I should behave and then behave like that but I'm still unaware of the group dynamics, I just tend to find someone particular and/or someone I already know when I'm forced to be in a group of people.

Oh, and btw, you seem only positively seen PerC member and a Four to me, @brainheart 




Ice Ghost said:


> Yes.
> 
> I think for Sx/Sp's, it's more painful because you're still oriented towards people because of the Sexual instinct, but you have no knowledge or interest in many of the formalities that most people care about. I know for myself, I'd rather bypass all the "protocols" that people do in order to mate (i.e. dating, back-and-forth emails/texts/IMs) and just get to the merging.
> 
> For Sp/Sx's it's not too bad. >_>


Why not too bad for sp/sx?


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Zweetner said:


> Why not too bad for sp/sx?


Because everything I just said about Sx/Sp is true only to an extent with Sp/Sx's. For the latter, they tend to be more concerned with their well-being. They don't need the intensity of people and things as much as Sx/Sp's do.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

Ice Ghost said:


> Because everything I just said about Sx/Sp is true only to an extent with Sp/Sx's. For the latter, they tend to be more concerned with their well-being. They don't need the intensity of people and things as much as Sx/Sp's do.


Hmm, I definitely understand your point but have thought it from another direction by myself. The way I have seen it is that sp/sx is even further away from finding ways to relate to other human beings and socialize with the one(s) they prefer. Their sx/sp cousins have much stronger individual radar and intense energy to help with merging and adjusting themselves to be with others. I have assumed it is more likely for sp/sx to remain an outsider, feel lonely and long for the company of the soul mate but feel incapable of actually searching for and finding it. I may have interpreted this inaccurately though.


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## The Scorched Earth (May 17, 2010)

Zweetner said:


> Hmm, I definitely understand your point but have thought it from another direction by myself. The way I have seen it is that sp/sx is even further away from finding ways to relate to other human beings and socialize with the one(s) they prefer. Their sx/sp cousins have much stronger individual radar and intense energy to help with merging and adjusting themselves to be with others. I have assumed it is more likely for sp/sx to remain an outsider, feel lonely and long for the company of the soul mate but feel incapable of actually searching for and finding it. I may have interpreted this inaccurately though.


No, I think that perception of the Sp/Sx is correct. They tend to be more inward-focused and detached from people as a whole, despite desiring all the love and connection that the other stackings get. It's almost 5-like in that sense.


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

brainheart said:


> (For the record, I oscillated between sx/sp and sp/sx for a couple of years. Instincts can be tough to figure out.)


What in particular confused you the most?


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## Sonny (Oct 14, 2008)

For the posters writing about how they don't gossip, follow the latest trends or socialise at any given possibility and therefore aren't So, please read Boss's post, it's concise and accurate IMO as a So Dom, you may still not be So, please understand what that actually means though as the perpetuation of innacrate understanding contributes to incorrect typings.



Boss said:


> A lot of people, online, dislike the So first because they don't know what the hell it's all about. These are some common stereotypes that I hear over and over:
> 
> - SO first is about socializing, and I am not into that crap.
> - So firsts always try to "fit in". They're like "sheep". I am not one of them.
> ...


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

FacelessBeauty said:


> Hahah I agree. Sp doms tend to have more seemingly standoffish relationships with each other since they always want to keep some sort of distance. It really aggravates my secondary sx instinct sigh.


LOL. I think that's funny coming from you since I part wrote my response to Swordsman of Mana with you in mind XD I think most of the people I know somewhat well are sp doms (ESTP cousin, ENFP friend), but yeah, I am not sure we will ever be close due to how dominant sp always seems to deflect each other away.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

LXPilot said:


> Woof woof @_Swordsman of Mana_
> 
> Interesting thread. I'm so/sx, which combined with my core, is probably the weirdest INTJ combination you'll ever see.
> 
> ...


It's not weird, it's fucking awesome :O I second the whole sx part thing though. It can become pretty heated, almost like a wolf pack.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

dfoster said:


> Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's stacking
> 
> Seriously, you seem the only one who likes SO around here  This place can be pretty trendy.


Nah, I think I called it out first


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## sodden (Jul 20, 2009)

Jiktin said:


> What in particular confused you the most?


1) Being a four, so my sexual instinct seems stronger than is.

2) Bad self pres descriptions where the emphasis is on it correlating with introversion.

3) Bad descriptions/stereotypes about the social variant. @_Sonny_ and @_Boss_ are doing a terrific job of showing how the social really is on this thread.

As a social dom, I hate gossip, I hate superficial conversation (ie facebook), I don't feel particularly 'socially skilled'. In fact, I feel like I suck at it. I'm an introvert, for crying out loud. Being around people for too long drains me. However, I consider how every single action I take impacts others. I am _not_ an island. This can often cause self-sabotaging behavior because I don't want to do anything that will hurt or upset anyone or make anyone be upset with me or 'drop' me. You can imagine the conflict I feel as a Fi-dom 4w5. I want to live my values and what matters to me but I feel very stifled by my social instinct. Because the social is so 'loud' and apparent within my consciousness I withdraw a lot so I don't have to experience the conflict it creates within me. For this reason I can be perceived by many to be anti or asocial. I fulfill my social needs the best I can by frequenting places like perC or interacting with my family, emails with close friends. I get a lot of social anxiety from doing things as simple as taking a yoga class because I feel like all eyes are on me, evaluating my every move. However, when I'm feeling better I can actually be extremely charming and talk to a wide variety of people about real things and make them all feel valued. 

That said, I also have some pretty strong opinions about how things could be better/am pretty critical of a lot of current social structures. This also makes it difficult for me to 'go along'. My husband always talks about how I'm not a team player because I refuse to do things just because that's what everyone does. I feel like when I finally climb out of my shell I might actually do some of the things I want to do to create positive change. (I have a lot of ideas about changing how art and literature are taught to kids/ using art as therapy/ the accessibility of art for everyone/ how cities interact with nature, etc.)

I think people often think their second variant is their first because it's the thing that they actually tend to be pretty good at without a whole lot of effort and anxiety. I am good at getting deep with people/making connections and I get intensely into my interests but I don't need the constant charge to the extent that a sexual dom does. Sexual doms typically have more relationship problems than I do- not that I haven't had them- but I'm more inclined I think to work them through for the long haul (likability and working to please trumps intensity) while sexual doms I think are more inclined to move on in the hopes that something new will give them that spark.

As far as my blindspot goes (self pres), I think this can be tricky because at times I think the qualities of the blindspot and dominant instinct can manifest in similar ways. I can forget to eat and take care of myself like an unhealthy self pres, or exercise too little or too much. One thing, though, I am so damn clueless about money. It's like it's this abstract concept I don't really have to pay attention to. I haven't worked for money in years and I really hate to have to pay attention to it. When I do have to, it's like I have to constantly remind myself, it is not ingrained within me. Also, I really suck at staying true to my priorities and I can't sustain a regular schedule/habits to save my life. As a 4w5, independence is important to me, but I'm about as dependent and un-self-sufficient as a 4w5 can get.


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

LeaT said:


> LOL. I think that's funny coming from you since I part wrote my response to Swordsman of Mana with you in mind XD I think most of the people I know somewhat well are sp doms (ESTP cousin, ENFP friend), but yeah, I am not sure we will ever be close due to how dominant sp always seems to deflect each other away.


Well missy I could say the same about you. 
I think our lack of closeness has to do with other factors lol. I think Sp/sx's are really actually picky about who they want to connect with and that's part of the reason there's a bit of distance.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

FacelessBeauty said:


> Well missy I could say the same about you.
> I think our lack of closeness has to do with other factors lol. I think Sp/sx's are really actually picky about who they want to connect with and that's part of the reason there's a bit of distance.


That's true too, but you can't deny sp reserveness.


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## Nastorm (Jun 3, 2012)

The test said Your variant stacking is *sx/sp/so ,*so I guess sx/sp
I don't really know what this means.


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## NingenExp (Apr 4, 2011)

sx stands for what?


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

FacelessBeauty said:


> I think our lack of closeness has to do with other factors lol. I think Sp/sx's are really actually picky about who they want to connect with and that's part of the reason there's a bit of distance.


I think you're absolutely right


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

NingenExp said:


> sx stands for what?


Sexual


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## NingenExp (Apr 4, 2011)

Inguz said:


> Sexual


Thanks, but I was wondering what does sexual instinct describe. Specifically, what kind of bond between people describes? For example, I think I am social. I am social aware and I consider it important to get to know people in one on one style. I thought this could be sx, but it could be simply so.


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## The Nth Doctor (May 18, 2012)

NingenExp said:


> Thanks, but I was wondering what does sexual instinct describe. Specifically, what kind of bond between people describes? For example, I think I am social. I am social aware and I consider it important to get to know people in one on one style. I thought this could be sx, but it could be simply so.


Read through this post, and focus on the general descriptions of the instincts and stackings before anything else.


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## NingenExp (Apr 4, 2011)

The Nth Doctor said:


> Read through this post, and focus on the general descriptions of the instincts and stackings before anything else.


Oh, thanks. That's really helpful.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

text wall, feel free to skim, skip sections or whatever you feel like

I can't speak for all Sp/Sx's (the E7 is probably going to be painfully obvious, despite my attempts to try to seperate the two for the sake of analyzing the variables seperately) but my experience as an Sp/Sx is
- my world is very small. it is comprised mostly of my imagination, my material needs, various sensual comforts, the means by which I maintain these and a small group of close intimates that I spend quality time with and perhaps take care of. everything else is more something that periodically wonders into it
- it's hard to get to my where I consider you a friend, but when you're in you're there to stay. 
- my mind works very economically. I guard my emotions the same way I would guard resources. I can give people the keys to certain rooms to the castle of my feelings (in fact, I often enjoy this) but I have VERY strong boundaries and anything that is let through is let through deliberately. 
- I really don't view things in terms of communities. I can see the benefit of communities logically, but the concept mostly feels stifling and constricting to me. for instance, I've made some friends here, but this site is mostly a form of intellectual stimulation that my Ne can bounce ideas back and forth with
- I often find myself thinking "what the hell is going on?" I have trouble staying up to date and even more recognizing differing agendas (much less dealing with them)
- my social life is low maintenance. I have trouble keeping track of more than a few people. I could never be self employed because I would not only have to stay up to date, but also keep track of clients and maintain/boost positive relations in order to make a living. 
- similarly, the idea of communicating with any kind of intent/agenda at all was not a natural concept for me to grasp. 
- I like to listen to the same piece of music over and over and over again because of a particular rush it gives me. sometimes I like more subtle rushes and other times I want as much as I can get
- I frequently get accused of "giving people a bad name" (for instance, I've been accused on several occasions of giving ENFPs and E7s a bad name) this leaves me thinking "um, I don't recall claiming to be the spokesperson for the plight of ____"
- I'm generally a nice person, but my thoughts by default are self centered (I'm curious what this is like for Sp dom superego types)
- physical safety is of paramount importance to me. 
- so is physical comfort. people often say things like "everything is good as long as you're with you're friends" and I'm like "um...no. I love my friends and being with them does make things better, but the poor food quality and cold breeze are REALLY distracting"
- I don't believe in the concept of duty. at least, not the kind that you're born with. for instance, I didn't choose to be born in America, so why would it be my duty to fight for my country (especially when I have to put my life on the line. NOTHING is worth that)
- my life is the end all be all. 
- I primarily view the external world as a resource. my connection with the majority of it is mostly business and I sometimes forget that those external events I have trouble keeping track of can _actually affect me_.


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## Choice (May 19, 2012)

*another sp/sx 7.*



Swordsman of Mana said:


> text wall, feel free to skim, skip sections or whatever you feel like
> 
> I can't speak for all Sp/Sx's (the E7 is probably going to be painfully obvious, despite my attempts to try to seperate the two for the sake of analyzing the variables seperately) but my experience as an Sp/Sx is
> - my world is very small. it is comprised mostly of my imagination, my material needs, various sensual comforts, the means by which I maintain these and a small group of close intimates that I spend quality time with and perhaps take care of. everything else is more something that periodically wonders into it
> ...


I relate to the stuff in blue, but some of your post just sounds like an ID type thing.

I think some of us are quite social as well, so just having a small selection of close friends doesn't guarantee an sp/sx cut.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

@Jiktin
yeah, I figured that was gonna happen.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Boss said:


> lol
> I love So first, esp. So/sx. I've found many of them charming, and basically, they're very good at working with/manipulating socio-political hierarchies. Some of my most formidable rivals have been So/sx.
> 
> A lot of people, online, dislike the So first because they don't know what the hell it's all about. These are some common stereotypes that I hear over and over:
> ...


I really needed to read this today, so thank you. I was also following blindly some of the masses and masses of BS posted around the forums. I should really know by now because it's the same people who are spreading the same shite ;S. I must take the time to really get to the heart of what all of them mean. I didn't really dig into sx or so too much, now is the perfect time to do that after reading this post.


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## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

Sp/sx here.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

A lot of sx/sps... like, a ton. I thought I was an sx/sp for a while because I'm introverted, but then I read more about the social instinct and realized it's not really like that at all. Now I've realized I'm an sx/so, even though I don't fully identify with all descriptions out there. 

Your enneagram type also makes a huge difference in the instincts. 4 sx/sps seem to be extremely intense and a little socially awkward, even with a 3 wing - they also don't have as much of a desire to create and make an impression. I operate well socially, even though I don't enjoy being social. 4 sx/so describes me much more accurately.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

Snow White said:


> A lot of sx/sps... like, a ton.


It almost makes me wish I had a different stacking. I'd be more unique then


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## WardRhiannon (Feb 1, 2012)

I'm of the so/sp stacking variant. Don't assume we're not on here. :tongue:

Being a 4w5, I did identify with the self-preservationist instinct earlier than I did the social instinct. However, the social instinct gives me more of an anti-social bent and the idea that I will never fit in anywhere or with anyone. I try to keep up with current events and I'm extremely critical of some current social mores. I often have the 'me vs. them' attitude and can often be aware of what other might think of me. I always struggle between feeling that I should live up to everyone else's standards or carving out my own life in my own time. I try not to make people angry because I want them to accept me. I'm always afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

Being self-preservationist second means that I withdraw from people and I highly value my privacy. I just want to be left alone with my books, my ideas, and my computer. I try to make sure I don't have too many obligations so I can have my precious free time and not be beholden to anyone. 

Being sexual last means that I have a hard time forming intimate relationships. I have lots of acquaintances and a few friends, but I only let a chosen few in. I haven't been in a serious long-term relationship yet and I freak out when guys expect me too much from me emotionally, and occassionally, even sexually. 

Being an INFP doesn't help, either.


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## aconite (Mar 26, 2012)

I voted Sx/Sp, but I am Sx/So. It makes me want to start a new poll.

(yeah, I'm such a Seven)


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## Lady Lullaby (Jun 7, 2010)

*Major Wall of Text Warning!*

Whew - I've been reading this thread and this site over and over because it just is tricky to really get to the heart of these instincts!

This is sooo true from 16typesinfo site:


> Those who have spent some time studying MBTI, socionics, and enneagram types usually notice that they overlap in several traits that they attempt to cover, making it easy to mis-attribute traits from one system to another.


So I haven't voted yet. But I am fairly confident that I am *SX/SP.
*Any kind readers out there want to confirm my deductions? 


I'll underline *what is true of me* and add comments in *color*:



> Overview of Instinctual Stackings
> 
> soc/sx
> Motivation: to create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend."
> ...


In case anyone wants to read more of their descriptions I'll add these with my sorting process continued:



> SP dominant or secondary - survival, comfort, resources, security. SP-first individuals often have a grounded or practical quality and frequently develop a high degree of self-sufficiency. These people take care of their basic needs and needs of those who are close to them. Some may have a habit of setting up little homes and cozy nests for themselves wherever they go. When fear and habit distort this instinct, it can become neurotic and spill out as eating disorders, hoarding, stinginess, selfishly avaricious behaviors and attitudes, obsessive concern with questions of survival and health, excessive focus on diet or exercise, and worries about mortality, finances, and security. SP people may experience “issues” that drain energy and cause one to lose Presence. SP firsts are the grounded version of their type, while SP-seconds have similar concerns but in lighter, more exploratory and creative form.
> 
> 
> (Quoting from 'The Wisdom of the Enneagram' by Riso and Hudson about Type 2 with SP Instinct - "In the average range, SP 2's repress their own SP instincts while focusing on taking care of the needs of others. They are the Instinctual Variant more likely to wear themselves out for people while ignoring their own needs, often failing to get adequate rest or time for themselves.....
> ...


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## Octavarium (Nov 27, 2012)

I've just read the first few pages of this thread and I wanted to say, @Paradigm, that I really related to a lot of the things you said, so much so that some of your posts made me think I could've written exactly the same things myself. I'm not questioning your type (or even mine really) but I'm wondering why, if we have different stackings, I relate to so much of what you said about being so last. 

Like you, I often have to put in a lot of effort when it comes to showing an interest in other people (although I don't often outwardly show an interest in anything much), I tend to dismiss connections that seem superficial and I find the "getting to know you" phase kind of difficult and boring, unless I know I have something in common with the person I'm connecting with and we can discuss a mutual interest.

As a fellow disabled person, I relate to what you said about finding it difficult to ask for help, and like you I think I've caused myself unnecessary suffering by trying to do everything on my own. I also will only ask for help from people I'm close to (but maybe that's a six thing, needing to establish trust and not wanting to make myself more vulnerable than necessary).

So, I'm not really sure what my point is tbh, except... thoughts?


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

Octavarium said:


> So, I'm not really sure what my point is tbh, except... thoughts?


Honestly, I'm not sure. For me, it was a long process of figuring out my variant, and I'm still not sure if I'm completely right. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm an SP 6. I might be sp/so, yes, but I feel more sp/sx. My second instinct is something I consider to be weak, and I think I can pass for being sp/so sometimes. 

But I have to remember that I am very much a 7-winger, due to my characteristics and coping mechanisms. I can't see myself as 6w7 sp/so, because to me that says I'm more outward-oriented than I am. 6w5 sp/so might fit in that way, yet as I just said, I'm not 6w5. So I end back up at being 6w7 sp/sx, which is supposedly the "grumpy" and "autistic" 6w7 

As much as I dislike EIDB, there's a few interesting threads in their archives:
The Enneagram Institute Discussion Board - Elaborating the cp 6w5 vs. 6w7 difference (I like page 3)
The Enneagram Institute Discussion Board - Phobic sp/so 6w7's vs Phobic sp/sx 6w7's

Sorry for not going in depth. I don't want to repeat myself, but I forgot what I said in this thread, so I'm being very surfacey :tongue: Ask specifics, if you wish. You can always PM me, too.


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## SkyRunner (Jun 30, 2012)

I'm an so/sp. I guess my instinctual variant is not common on here.


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## Lady Lullaby (Jun 7, 2010)

never mind.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Being a sexual first has actually I think made it much more difficult for me to have a satisfactory romantic/sex life because the issue has been so highly charged for me, which usually doesn't allow me to just relax, so its not natural to me. I had to get to the point where I just gave up on trying, and can only be with a woman if it happens very organically, like just being friends first and foremost before I even consider sex or anything romantic.


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## Flabarac Brupip (May 9, 2020)

Wow. Damn. I just realized the last comment on this thread before mine was from 2012. Idek if anyone will see this.


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## BroNerd (Nov 27, 2010)

so/sx for me - we're the most fun of the six stackings


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## kurogane21 (Aug 24, 2019)

SX/SP ( Stronger SX subtypes )


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## Ecchi (Jun 26, 2018)

SO/SX and it's the best one because: (Enneagrammer quote)



> *SX playground in SP/SX and SO/SX*
> 
> Loud/Accidental sexual display
> *SO/SX particularly flippantly using explicit sexuality as something to toy around with and act as an inviting aspect of their social identity*
> SP/SX accidentally allowing their sexuality to ooze out without much particular control over how


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