# On the verge of suicide



## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

I simply cannot cope with life anymore. I am ill equipped to deal with it and I cannot get any support for my troubles. 
No-one wants to know. People trivialise what I say and everyone seems to think I cope fine. In the meantime I am slowly going insane and I just want to die.


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## Ik3 (Mar 22, 2015)

InSolitude said:


> I simply cannot cope with life anymore. I am ill equipped to deal with it and I cannot get any support for my troubles.
> No-one wants to know. People trivialise what I say and everyone seems to think I cope fine. In the meantime I am slowly going insane and I just want to die.


It's clear that you are hurting right now, and I am sorry. 

I realize that I am a stranger to you, and that my voice means little when typed across a small internet forum page. 

I read and enjoy your posts. You are intelligent, honest, brave, and interesting. 

In this way, have you not added value to my life? And if you have impacted me without even knowing it, how much more of an impact do you have in your daily life where you direct your actual intentions!


Just... breathe.. 

There is no future. It doesn't exist. All you have to do is make it though this exact moment.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Fuck that, I only just realized you existed XD

From some of the things you've expressed, it seems that you don't feel you're in control of your life.
There's that existential stuff but seems like a lot of problems stem from what is seen as limitations to achieving what you want and having to endure shitty circumstances in the mean time and I'm guessing you think it's unbearable to wait that long.
Well I think this is the time to reach out, you're doing it here, but I'm wondering what support one could find locally.
Because it sounds in part that you're living in a routine that you find unsatisfactory and perhaps don't believe alternatives are possible or if they are, won't come soon enough.
Death's a pretty full on alternative to trying other alternatives though. 

By the sounds of it the existential stuff has been going on perhaps longer than your work stuff.
Is your thoughts to this a belief that it can't be overcome? Weren't you finding some possibilities within Buddhist teachings recently?

This is all speculation from someone who clearly has too much time on their hands to drawn bits and pieces of information people share online XD
But I'm wondering if you could detail the crux of what you feel is the source of your problems, why has living become so difficult to endure?
Though part of me wonders whether this would be productive as ruminating doesn't help, but at the same time I imagine peoples advice will be cliche and thus ineffective without a target.


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## Amaryllis (Mar 14, 2014)

Please don't do it, you'll never ever be able to get better if you kill yourself. I have no idea what you are going through, I don't know about your sufferings, but what I do know is that often it can seem like there's no way for things to improve, that you're in a dark room with no light, but it's a false impression, deceiving because your desperation prevents you from looking at things normally. Please don't end your life, happiness might just be around the corner. Humans are an amazing species, for thousands of years we have found ways to defeat impossible odds, to accomplish incredible things, you are capable of this, you can beat your problems. You are stronger than you think, always.


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> I simply cannot cope with life anymore. I am ill equipped to deal with it and I cannot get any support for my troubles.
> No-one wants to know. People trivialise what I say and everyone seems to think I cope fine. In the meantime I am slowly going insane and I just want to die.


Check out the internet to see if there are websites that allow you to meet random people through multiple kind of hangin outs or something. Maybe Meetup is available on your smartphone where you live. Find something peaceful to do in which you could invest your emotions, your care, something that would indulge a sense of balance.

You just need to find new persons

Take as much time as you need to process everything you must. Look at the sun every morning, find poetry in the rain and meaning in some little gestures that you used to love, and treat yourself as if you were your own queen.

Don't give up. Even in the darkest hours there is some beauty to be found, always. It can be the scent of a perfume, or simply sharin a sweet look with a random stranger while walkin down the street. It can be by simply observatin people and feelin, deep down, a merry aura and all the connections around you. It can be a random happening. Dig down in all of that.

If you need someone to listen to you, just add me on Skype, it's in my profile. I'll be glad to be able to share moments with you


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## Brian1 (May 7, 2011)

Don't do that. I don't know your situation, but, I'm one of those that were left behind, because a friend committed suicide. You'll hurt more people than you realize. I'm still, though at a distance, mourning the loss of the friend, because I am friends, with the friend's sister. And she mourns, all the time. I would say, if it's not mental, but an outside crutch helping you, like alcohol, you need to give that up, because that's a depressant. And if it is mental, that you need to see someone. Either way, you need to visualize that life has its ups and downs, and that this is just a low point, but, it shall pass. And the storm will give way to brighter days.


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## Convex (Jan 5, 2015)

Don't be an idiot.


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## Psychophant (Nov 29, 2013)

Convex said:


> Don't be an idiot.


Don't be a dick.

And as for suicide, it's quite logistically challenging, assuming you're afraid of sticking a gun in your mouth or jumping off of a tall building, but that's probably good for you at this moment because, more likely than not, it's not your best option. You didn't elaborate much on what's up, so my kind of vague advice is (assuming it's possible) look to family members for support. They care a lot more than internet strangers and you'll get a great view of who you'll really be hurting if you pull the trigger.


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## TheIsrafil (May 19, 2014)

I want you to know that you can be transformed when you realize that you are loved.

You are, have been, and always will be looked out for, cared for, and watched carefully over.

You are not alone in life. The fact that you posted here is evidence that you at least have some belief that we can reach out to something, somebody, in our most absolute desperation. In what we see as the end, our weakest moment.

But I want you to understand right now that there is nobody in the world who loves you more than Jesus. We are far away. He is near.


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## deviantcode (Mar 3, 2015)

I don't understand exactly how you feel. However as bleak as life is. there is always something you can be thankful for. Try to clear your mind for a few minutes and make a list of the things you are thank full for. Try to think of 10 things. 

If you are healthy start with that. If you have 2 arms, think of all the people that only have 1. ETC ETC. 
We all have something to be thankful for, just look for it and focus on it for a bit.


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## Hollow Man (Aug 12, 2011)

A lot of us have been there, it looks like, but how we get there is probably different. Is there something you'd like to express or say? 

Maybe there's something you'd like to do?

Maybe there's people that only see you in a static way that can't seem to be changed? 

I suppose life itself seems to be teaching me that all we have is now, and we can choose to see and do things or not. Yesterday, I got quite drunk myself...I felt a lot of joy seeing one of my old teacher's band outside in the rain. It made me appreciate 70s style hippie music and how it developed...and seeing it in real time was just magnificent. I was by myself, I didn't even say hi to my teach (one of my favorite people)...but now that moment is gone, and I am hungover...but I'd like to do things like that again (maybe with less booze)...I was nervous and hesitant to go and saying no, I wanted to walk away....I worried about being seen as a loser and not being able to talk to someone I idealized and really respected, but I said yes and sneak in my own beer. Made a fool out of myself and had one of the best times I could have. It was love to be there and just experiencing the band in a healthy ish way. I feel suicide is the biggest "no" that one can do, and it is tempting at times. Death is interesting, but it's better to say yes...here's a blues death song...that makes me incredibly happy, but it's about death and frustration...somehow it's renewing though. Though, that's classic blues though anyways... the lyrics are quite straight and are cyclical in way...good and bad...trying to say yes, but having a lot of trouble too.


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## nonnaci (Sep 25, 2011)

Interacting with the world produces meaning in either yourself or in others. Meaning making is a denial of death which has intrinsic value to all living beings. Ergo, staying alive, suffering, and fighting against death is value producing.


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## jamaix (Sep 20, 2013)

I don't know all that is going on in your life, but depression is something I do know about. Going through periods of one's life with constant thoughts of suicide is also something I unfortunately know about. Unfortunately, what I don't know is how to tell you to make those thoughts go away. My heart always breaks for those going through depression because I know how much it hurts. It is a hurt that is hard to describe, and is often poorly understood by those who have not dealt with it. Some will look at your situation and say things like don't you know there are others facing far more difficult things than you. I know they mean well, but how does that help? Truth is, it doesn't. I believe some are more predisposed to depression than others. 

Have you experienced some significant changes in your life? Changes that have been difficult for you to embrace? 
I know my last episode was brought on by both my kids leaving home. No problems in our relationship, I just didn't know how to deal with them not being a part of my life anymore. They both moved really far away, due to college and marriage. I have found that for those of us prone to depression, major life changes can sometimes bring on episodes. Perhaps you are dealing with the break up of a relationship or like many, you struggle to form close friendships and don't have a good support network.

I can't remember for sure, but it seems like I remember reading on a different thread a post by you that stated you had recently gone through some health issues. Are you still struggling with this?

I wish that I could offer you more help and that I knew how to advise you but I don't. I am more than willing to talk with you further though if it would help you. Sometimes I know it is good just to have someone to vent to. Feel free to pm if that would be of any value to you.

Also, please please please call a suicide hotline before doing something that can never be changed. 

I copied the following suicide hotline numbers from a PerC thread


* *





*Helplines Numbers: International Directory*United States Hotlines
*Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project [Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention for LGBT and Questioning]: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

United Kingdom Hotlines:
Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]
Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]
Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463[email protected]
b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]
b-eat youthline (for under 25's with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]
Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
Drinkline: 0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614
India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669
Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7

Suicide Hotlines;
Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430
Australia: 13-11-14
Austria: 01-713-3374
Barbados: 429-9999
Belgium: 106
Botswana: 391-1270
Brazil: 21-233-9191
China: 852-2382-0000
(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)
Costa Rica: 606-253-5439
Croatia: 01-4833-888
Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67
Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908
Denmark: 70-201-201
Egypt: 762-1602
Estonia: 6-558-088
Finland: 040-5032199
France: 01-45-39-4000
Germany: 0800-181-0721
Greece: 1018
Guatemala: 502-234-1239
Holland: 0900-0767
Honduras: 504-237-3623
Hungary: 06-80-820-111
Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90
Israel: 09-8892333
Italy: 06-705-4444
Japan: 3-5286-9090
Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292
Malaysia: 03-756-8144
(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)
Mexico: 525-510-2550
Netherlands: 0900-0767
New Zealand: 4-473-9739
New Guinea: 675-326-0011
Nicaragua: 505-268-6171
Norway: 47-815-33-300
Philippines: 02-896-9191
Poland: 52-70-000
Portugal: 239-72-10-10
Russia: 8-20-222-82-10
Spain: 91-459-00-50
South Africa: 0861-322-322
South Korea: 2-715-8600
Sweden: 031-711-2400
Switzerland: 143
Taiwan: 0800-788-995
Thailand: 02-249-9977
Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
Ukraine: 0487-327715
*​


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## Slagasauras (Jun 26, 2013)

Heeeey :-(.
People who don't take what you think is serious (i.e. mental illness) are shit bags. You can talk to me, I'll validate your feelings. If I don't you can call me out on it, and it'll be ok, really!


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## Ninjaws (Jul 10, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> I simply cannot cope with life anymore. I am ill equipped to deal with it and I cannot get any support for my troubles.
> No-one wants to know. People trivialise what I say and everyone seems to think I cope fine. In the meantime I am slowly going insane and I just want to die.


I'm not going to be one of those saying you shouldn't, it's your own decision. 
If you believe that it is not going to get better (people can say it will, but no one knows that for sure), I can see why you would feel like you are drowning. However, if it's a temporary situation, you'll get through it and come out stronger than before.

Life is not fun. It's hard work for the most part with a little fun here and there to fill the holes. If hobbies don't cut it, then a job you enjoy is what you need. If this is impossible to obtain, then you might be facing a problem.

Regardless, without details we cannot help you out of this situation.


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

I don't know much this will help, but I would rather honor and respect you and your problem by providing an honest perspective.

In the time you have spent here I have continued to see an incredibly bright, articulate, discerning, valuable community member with still more untapped potential. I also see someone who is imprisoned by a perspective colored by distrust and disappointment, and who has allowed your home ownership dream to virtually own you instead.

I am younger than you, and I acknowledge the awkwardness in my post, but there was a time when I would have related so very much to your perspective. I was withdrawn, I expected everyone to disappoint me (and they did), I was rarely happy, I let my own dream dictate who I was and how I should live and when that dream was dashed I was suicidal. Fortunately, it was around that time when my mentor said to me, 'Happiness is the path and not a destination.'

That thought changed how I lived, that thought that perspective, attitude and choices are where happiness exists. It wasn't nice to think on, but my prior attitude turned out to create disappointing circumstances in ways I wasn't able to recognize previously. I also decided that being withdrawn and distrusting contributed to my unhappiness, and it was a pain-staking but rewarding journey to slowly step into social situations, appreciate others and eventually enjoy their company. Sometimes someone would disappoint me, but I had to trust in my own inner resources to carry me through and move on. Even as an introvert, I now really appreciate the support and community I can have with other people. It turned out being alone as much as I was (which was extreme) was actually doing a number on my mental health.

For what it's worth, I am glad that my dream did not work out. It prompted me to change and re-evaluate my priorities and assumptions. I didn't get what I wanted; I got what I needed instead, and that is an experience, in retrospect, that I would never trade.

Perhaps this doesn't help, but I'm posting it in case it does. I wish you the very best, and I know that one day you will look back on this extreme hardship as a stepping stone to something better than you imagined.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

I have existential depression with high level anxiety. It's just a weight I carry with me everywhere and it kills my will to keep going. Deviation from the routine I have precipitates an anxiety session, so they are almost daily now since I am dealing with a load of stuff at work. I could not function properly over the weekend and had to take time off work, had another one last night. Have a migraine this morning, fatigued and feeling exhausted. Could not sleep last night. I wish I could find a way out.


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## Lemxn (Aug 17, 2013)

I remember being there, just feeling that nothing will change until suddenly, your life did change, and you didn't realize. What happened what's time, because in those moment you can even do one step to the right or to the left, but life walks alone, sometimes without asking you where. And then you are, asking yourself how.

Btw, you may want to see a therapist. It will change everything without you noticing, at least from experience.


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

InSolitude said:


> I have existential depression with high level anxiety. It's just a weight I carry with me everywhere and it kills my will to keep going. Deviation from the routine I have precipitates an anxiety session, so they are almost daily now since I am dealing with a load of stuff at work. I could not function properly over the weekend and had to take time off work, had another one last night. Have a migraine this morning, fatigued and feeling exhausted. Could not sleep last night. I wish I could find a way out.


Not to ask the obvious, but are you seeing a doctor? I don't think there's a pill for every problem but perhaps some medication may help you temporarily? I was in a really bad funk not long ago and some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications helped me navigate the crisis.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

Dao said:


> Not to ask the obvious, but are you seeing a doctor? I don't think there's a pill for every problem but perhaps some medication may help you temporarily? I was in a really bad funk not long ago and some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications helped me navigate the crisis.


I'm on medication.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

InSolitude said:


> I simply cannot cope with life anymore. I am ill equipped to deal with it and I cannot get any support for my troubles.
> No-one wants to know. People trivialise what I say and everyone seems to think I cope fine. In the meantime I am slowly going insane and I just want to die.


InSolitude, it would be a terrible loss to the world. I can see, just from the few posts you've made here, that you are an interesting, intelligent, honest, and helpful person. You seem like the type of person who tends to suffer silently, but I know that doesn't mean you aren't in pain. And right now it sounds like it's gotten to be so much that you don't know how to cope.

But I will tell you that it will pass, and there are opportunities that will emerge in your environment, though there may be many things outside of your control right now...that will change. I often use this analogy for my own depressive and lonely episodes, that just because everything is dark, doesn't mean that nothing is there, though that is how it feels for me. The stairs may be shrouded in darkness at the moment, but in time they will become clearer and the pain will pass. External reality will change, and more opportunities will appear with time.

I sometimes wonder if it can actually bring creative insights...weathering out the pain helps to clarify priorities and perhaps help you build and shift some of your dreams or goals, or expand some of your understanding. Though, on second thought, I don't want to throw emotional agony a bone right now--screw that stuff! And to hell with those uncontrollable influences that get in the way of our happiness!

But I'm sorry you're going through so much pain right now. I hope that you feel better soon, and this period becomes a dark memory, contrasting with the happier times in the future. It sounds like you are in a lot of pain, but it will get better. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to find the light again.

I also have always dreamed of owning my own house, and having a sowing room sounds really cool. I'm jealous of your other-universe boyfriend who gets his own man-shed, though I'm a heterosexual woman and I'm not hitting on you. But you sound like a much cooler person to live with than a lot of people, and I love your insights about creativity, and find your posts inspiring. I hope you feel better soon, and the circumstances blocking your happiness shift.


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## BenevolentBitterBleeding (Mar 16, 2015)

Why do I yearn for this modicum of soul crushing and lifting romance yet still find it impossible to connect with anyone on a level of truth that is required from the depths of my complex imagination?

Feeling like I can never escape this misanthropy from observing the pitiful shit of humans and their nature and yet it's normal - natural because humans are a supposed social being.

Then the realization hits that taking my own life and the death of self is even more meaningless when there is nothing left and no one to care for me, the memory - no one to understand the why. 

How deep that pool of self loathing it becomes to know that all you have is yourself and your ill content of existence that isn't even worth to escape from because that's all there is. 

The enduring of all that misery for hope, to know - really - that is all I have; it is all that I am - this blade of hate and lost love.

---

If _you_ died that would suck. It would be less one intelligent person's posts of humor I could enjoy, secretly. I've said too much. 

Goodbye then without ever a hello.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

InSolitude said:


> I have existential depression with high level anxiety. It's just a weight I carry with me everywhere and it kills my will to keep going. Deviation from the routine I have precipitates an anxiety session, so they are almost daily now since I am dealing with a load of stuff at work. I could not function properly over the weekend and had to take time off work, had another one last night. Have a migraine this morning, fatigued and feeling exhausted. Could not sleep last night. I wish I could find a way out.


I think that I also suffer from existential depression and anxiety at times, and it's quite a combination though I have been getting better I think, and been able to identify some of the triggers. It sounds like you know a lot about your conditions, which is probably one reason I feel that your posts are insightful and helpful. 

I wish I knew of a solution to tell you. I went through something like this, where I couldn't really get out of bed for the weekend, and I was very relieved when the hyperventilation subsided and some of the pain. I think the only thing that really helped was to just hold on through it, and eventually it got easier. Then this morning I had a kind of "breakthrough" about accepting some of my desires and hoping to create a future that reflects them, but emotions will always change and I know it's not a permanent fix.

One thing is that I find my migraines go hand in hand with feeling confused and having trouble thinking. They also tend to happen around my period. So, though it sounds like you understand a lot of what is happening to you, I thought I'd just offer that bit of experience.

Anyway--thanks for sharing your experience as well, as it sometimes feels a little better to know I'm not the only one struggling with existential depression and anxiety, as it can certainly feel like that at the moment. 

I'm glad you took some time to care for yourself while you were going through that, and take the time off of work.


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## Halcyon (Jun 21, 2013)

Please don't do anything, okay? 

I know you've probably heard this five hundred times but it isn't the answer, it's just not. I've tried twice in the past year and each time it seemed like it was my only option, really every way I tried to look at it that was what seemed best, and it was only when I was lying in a hospital bed the day after that I realized all of the things I didn't see. Our minds have a way of screwing with us when we're in pain that makes it seem like the best option but it's not real. We're just too blinded by our own suffering to see anything else but you have to just fight through that, k? It's not easy. Trust me, I know, but you owe it to yourself to at least give yourself a chance at feeling better.....

I don't know your specific situation and I don't know you so I guess you have no real reason to listen to me when I tell you that you're stronger than you think and you can get through this. And people do care about you, okay? I hope it doesn't offend you when I say that you can't trust your judgement on these things right now. Pain is kind of like a drug in that it blurs your vision so you can't see the line between what you think and feel to be true and what actually is and I know you can't just snap out of that because I've tried and it doesn't work but you can keep yourself from acting on it or put yourself in a situation where you're unable to until it passes. 

Just try to take a little time for yourself until you feel a bit better, k? Take time off school or work for a little bit if you can and do things that you find comforting or enjoyable or that will at least take your mind off things and if you really feel like you might do something, please tell someone okay? Please?

Sorry, a lot of this is probably not helpful to you right now and I get that but I figured I would try? And if you want more specific, probably not that great advice on your situation or information about treatments and medications and all that stuff that I've learned from my own experiences dealing with this stuff and also from other people that I've known, please don't hesitate to PM me, okay? I really want you to be safe and I hope you feel better soon.... *big hugs*


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## LucasM (Jan 22, 2009)

Maybe try suicide tomorrow? If every day is your last... maybe it will mean something. Kinda works for me.

I have no idea what will happen tomorrow.

edit again:

One thing I do know is that I will never reach what I mean to reach, for by the time I reach it, things will not be the same. <was processing> ie. there is an ideal of how i should be or how things should be but if I put them on who would I be? (don't know if this is related or not or whatever - just made me muse)


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

I don't know you, nor have I seen many of your posts actually. But I do know what it's like to feel like you are incapable of dealing with life. My circumstances are probably different from yours, but just know that you aren't the first or the last person to feel like they have lost hope. I don't know if I could ever give any good advice on these kind of things since I'm struggling myself, but please don't give up.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

InSolitude said:


> I simply cannot cope with life anymore. I am ill equipped to deal with it and I cannot get any support for my troubles.
> No-one wants to know. People trivialise what I say and everyone seems to think I cope fine. In the meantime I am slowly going insane and I just want to die.


It's good that you have been actively seeking help. Some people aren't very helpful or understanding with this sort of thing, which makes it harder, but there are plenty of people who can and will help.

Have you tried counseling? Being able to vent your feelings and thoughts is a great help, and quite a relief. You can really open up to them and it's confidential...Opening up about this serves as an amazing way to relieve a lot of stresses. Also, I always recommend going to a doctor you trust at this point. They can refer you to a good person to talk to, and also you will have the option of medication - which is a personal choice, but one to consider when one reaches serious suicidal thoughts at a regular basis. Just be sure to check out the possible side effects first. There are heaps of ways of fighting this without the use of medication too, which you can read up on in the stickied thread called "Tips for fighting depression" in this advice subforum. Different people find different things helpful, so try a bunch of techniques and see what works best for you. Some of the most simplest things can help! Keep in mind that it's essential to deal with stress and anxiety as well, so try some different things to help you relax - especially at night when you are alone with your thoughts. There are a bunch of things one can do about stress and anxiety as well.
Be sure to remember that you are far from alone, and countless others know exactly what you are going thru, because they too have been thru similar if not the same things...and they survived. You are strong enuf, brave enuf, and capable enuf to survive, and you obviously want to, as you have taken steps to try to find help that you need.

Here's a clip for ye...


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## jeb (Jan 6, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> I have existential depression with high level anxiety. It's just a weight I carry with me everywhere and it kills my will to keep going. Deviation from the routine I have precipitates an anxiety session, so they are almost daily now since I am dealing with a load of stuff at work. I could not function properly over the weekend and had to take time off work, had another one last night. Have a migraine this morning, fatigued and feeling exhausted. Could not sleep last night. I wish I could find a way out.


You and I have a number of similarities between us. In terms of life, ideas etc... There have been too many times where I've felt the way you do now. I do hope that we can correspond a bit more. It's uncommon to encounter people who feel the same way about certain things. I'm interested to see if we can perhaps make some progress together. How bout it?


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## Blindspots (Jan 27, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> I have existential depression with high level anxiety. It's just a weight I carry with me everywhere and it kills my will to keep going. Deviation from the routine I have precipitates an anxiety session, so they are almost daily now since I am dealing with a load of stuff at work. I could not function properly over the weekend and had to take time off work, had another one last night. Have a migraine this morning, fatigued and feeling exhausted. Could not sleep last night. I wish I could find a way out.


Hello, how have you been since your last post?

It's probably still overwhelming now, the emotional breakdown followed by physical exhaustion. Have you had the opportunity to rest since then?

(You may know these already, but take your time gradually opening up about this. And if you don't feel like sharing much or any at all at the moment, I'll respect that. Simply giving a sign that you're still there is enough.)


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## ShadowsRunner (Apr 24, 2013)

InSolitude said:


> I have existential depression with high level anxiety. It's just a weight I carry with me everywhere and it kills my will to keep going. Deviation from the routine I have precipitates an anxiety session, so they are almost daily now since I am dealing with a load of stuff at work. I could not function properly over the weekend and had to take time off work, had another one last night. Have a migraine this morning, fatigued and feeling exhausted. Could not sleep last night. I wish I could find a way out.


NOOOO
I know exactly how that feels. 

Don't give up :hug:


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## Halcyon (Jun 21, 2013)

How're you doing....?


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## Kynx (Feb 6, 2012)

When it gets to a point where you believe that suicide is the only solution, it's when you need to understand that you don't need to solve this. You can just go with it, wherever it's going to take you. You don't have to take any action, which includes choosing to take your own life. No matter how bad it gets, the only thing you need to do is not kill yourself. Just that one thing. Let everything else go wherever it goes.


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

Halcyon said:


> How're you doing....?


Climbing out of the hole. Thanks for asking. :happy:


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## Halcyon (Jun 21, 2013)

InSolitude said:


> Climbing out of the hole. Thanks for asking. :happy:


Ah, yay! That's awesome. roud:


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## KevinHeaven (Apr 6, 2015)

Suicide is not worth it. Also life is not worth it. But lets experience life cuz either way we are going to experience death so you wont be missing out anything. Choose wisely


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## Sygma (Dec 19, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> Climbing out of the hole. Thanks for asking. :happy:


Good, keep smilin !


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## Athesis (Sep 2, 2012)

InSolitude said:


> I simply cannot cope with life anymore. I am ill equipped to deal with it and I cannot get any support for my troubles.
> No-one wants to know. People trivialise what I say and everyone seems to think I cope fine. In the meantime I am slowly going insane and I just want to die.


Do you have skype or some kind of video chat? We can talk if you want


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> Climbing out of the hole. Thanks for asking. :happy:


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## EndsOfTheEarth (Mar 14, 2015)

@bigstupidgrin, my pc does not display vids. I'm running an old system. But I'll just imagine it was something uplifting/significant/poignant. :wink:


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## bigstupidgrin (Sep 26, 2014)

InSolitude said:


> @bigstupidgrin, my pc does not display vids. I'm running an old system. But I'll just imagine it was something uplifting/significant/poignant. :wink:


Sorry . Just pulled a youtube video highlight of Ode To Joy.


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