# Sx/So and So/Sx



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Yes I am So dom.


----------



## SuperSoaker (Aug 19, 2013)

FreeBeer said:


> Sx/So is more intense, like uncomfortably intense with others .


Yup, that's me. Pure fire. Now how do I stop it?


----------



## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

SuperSoaker said:


> Yup, that's me. Pure fire. Now how do I stop it?


You don't, you find someone who likes it


----------



## Starflakes (Sep 13, 2009)

LibertyPrime said:


> Sx/So is more intense, like uncomfortably intense with others .


O_O Even in "chill mode"? 

I can definitely be intense in close relationships but I always assumed that in more casual interactions, people don't experience me as intense. Especially not when I'm in "chill mode." 

I definitely don't want to change who I am because intense, passionate people change the world. But I also don't want to make people feel uncomfortable! 

Hrmmmm.


----------



## Rose for a Heart (Nov 14, 2011)

I feel so defensive about being a social first because of the descriptions...

I mean, someone who is attuned to what the society is, isn't necessarily going to go along with everything. That might be so because of their core fear because they are seeking refuge from it not primarily through security (sp), one-on-one relationships (sx) but through groups (so). But what the instincts are also describing is an intelligence. SO firsts are good at seeing behavior on a social level and what personally hurts them/people like them (which goes into their enneagram type) and criticizing that.


----------



## Faery (May 18, 2011)

I've been struggling to understand whether or not I'm sx/so or so/sx for a while now, and this thread has helped. However, I'm still not so sure. Sometimes I'm absolutely certain I'm an sx-dom, but it only seems to be in certain situations or with certain individuals. Other times, I feel like an so-dom because of how easy and natural it feels to connect with people. When I feel so-dom, I feel like I'm stifling my sx "down" and away from other people, or expressing it among everyone in small bursts. My primary goal is always to create and facilitate a connection. When I'm sx, it's like I've taken that unique playful energy and turned it into something more intense, almost volatile, and zooming in on one target. I'm aware of both instincts in myself, but I can't tell which is dominant. I'm leaning towards so/sx after my research, though. I don't like hanging out in groups, but I love to maintain several intense and meaningful connections (separately). It might be worth mentioning that sx-doms actually frighten me a bit, because I know how out of control it can be. I have been scared off and intimidated by sx-doms before, sometimes it is _too much_. _Too much_ feels like suffocating, drowning, falling. It's like I have to run away. I feel like I can easily and instantly identify an sx-dom, especially in groups. I can't explain it, but I feel it.


----------



## James1980 (Apr 30, 2016)

I love this thread, think I might be 7w6 sx/so, but because I have 9w8 as my gut fix I feel allot dissonance when I'm intense and I also think I have ADHD. I'm currently in Vietnam at the moment and I'm surrounded by allot of intense experiences so I don't feel like I'm more intense than others, sometimes much less so. I have a sudden burst of energy to voice an opinion if I'm in a group. I look towards someone I think is most likely to be engaging in what I'm interested in, with me I think some of the intensity is to do with body language as well and I'm possibly really intense without knowing it. I interrupt allot then feel really shitty afterwards.

About 4 months ago I went on a date with an INFJ girl and had to consciously remind myself to chill out, I think being anxious at dates and interviews can elevate my intensity, or if someone is critical towards me I tend amplify my body language and tone of voice particularly if it is with someone who I know can take it. I'm also aware that I used to be somewhat naïve about social dynamics when I was allot younger and I enjoy 1 to 1 discussion more than trying to engage with group discussion.

I am currently staying in hostels which I enjoy because it so easy to meet like minded people, every time I am asked to participate in a drinking game I give up after a while because I have been there done that got the T-shirt and I find it boring, so I seeks out someone in my dorm to talk to 1 to 1 about anything and everything that is anti-small talk, the universe, random useless facts, how different cultures work, psychology and stuff like that. Allot of the stuff I like to talk about is very social and I can be very accommodating to other opinions.

I'm my early twenties I was more incline to party hard and go along with more of that crude sense of humour and drinking games etc. The more I look into this the more I see lots of contradictions, I switch between being self confident/ goofy/ silly and quite, self conscious and more accommodating so it is very difficult for me to be 100% certain, but I think when I feel my best is when I'm more SX. I don't like blending is or being quite for too long, but I'm also good at listening to people when I remind myself, although it needs to be something deep or I'll struggle to remain engaged. 

The 7w6 sx/so description is a bit over the top, but I know what I'm not. I funnel as much of my resources and energy into having fun, going travelling and hobbies. I often say I couldn't give a crap about material things like a nice car or clothes, but I do have a part of me that yearns for security, but for me security seeking is looking for a life partner who can guide and help me with SP things and boy do a feel self conscious about being around couples sometimes.

I think of one area where my SP kicks in is my family, like I'm going home for Christmas in a few days because it does not feel right to be travelling at Christmas, I want to be with my family, but at the same time I will feel really sad when I leave Vietnam. I have been doing a blog on my travels http://personalitycafe.com/blogs/james1980/05-december-comical-christmas-music-crap-short-term-memory-48762-prev/[/URL]. This particular blog I was behaving to the extremes, evenings like this one are unusual but not unheard of, causes me a tonne of dissonance and self questioning when I behave like this. I'm almost certain I am try type 479 btw.


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I'm soc/sx, but thought I was sx/soc for a long time. The two are obviously both quite strong in my personality - poor sp gets the short end of the stick. I've found the Typewatch Instinct Ranges useful - my fiance quickly pinpointed me as "darkside" soc/sx - more confrontational and boundary-pushing than the soc/sx average. The author gave this description: "(soc as chairman, sx as vice chairman who sleeps with the chairman)"

:tongue:


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I think SO/SX is probably the least focused of all the possible combinations. We are constantly trying to split our attention to find maximum advantage. The secondary Sx pulls us towards intensity with another, but we really have to be alone with them to give them all our focus. As long as there's others around, we're going to be somewhat divided.


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

tanstaafl28 said:


> I think SO/SX is probably the least focused of all the possible combinations. We are constantly trying to split our attention to find maximum advantage. The secondary Sx pulls us towards intensity with another, but we really have to be alone with them to give them all our focus. As long as there's others around, we're going to be somewhat divided.


This is so true. I've discovered at work that I really have to curb my automatic tendency to suddenly shift my focus to the next person who pops up. I have a really hard time of not flitting - it is indeed a very _instinctual _ draw to try to attend to everyone individually. 

And while in general I have an easy enough time giving less attention to people outside my "inner nucleus", God forbid two people very close to me are both seeking my attention on different subjects simultaneously - one of the hardest things in the world for me to handle successfully.


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

angelfish said:


> This is so true. I've discovered at work that I really have to curb my automatic tendency to suddenly shift my focus to the next person who pops up. I have a really hard time of not flitting - it is indeed a very _instinctual _ draw to try to attend to everyone individually.
> 
> And while in general I have an easy enough time giving less attention to people outside my "inner nucleus", God forbid two people very close to me are both seeking my attention on different subjects simultaneously - one of the hardest things in the world for me to handle successfully.


Totally relate! It takes practice, but it can be handled.


----------



## Angina Jolie (Feb 13, 2014)

I think (from what I have read), that our secondary instinct comes very naturally to us while our first instinct is such a focus because we do not feel as safe and confident about it (while the last is simply ignored or not recognized as a ''means of survival'').
Therefor, an So/Sx will have a natural balance for their Sx needs and they will even use the Sx strategies to achieve their So needs, because their end goal is always gonna be So while the path of least resistance to that goal is Sx.
For Sx however, the path of least resistance is So, but their goal is always gonna be their Sx need for intense connection which they will be looking for overwhelmingly much.

For instance, as an Sx/So, I've never neither focused nor paid much conscious attention to hierarchies and how social groups work. But I somehow always know and remember a lot about people. I tend to remember really well what are the relationships between people, who is the dominant in the group, who is the weakling, etc. But this information is always used to get to my Sx needs - ok, so these people have a strong relationship, I guess developing an intense connection with one of them is off the records. This person is a loner of the group - ding dong here is my focus point.
Or at parties I will start out seeing the whole group, maybe interacting with multiple people but I wwill want to (need to) start getting rif of the people who aint doing it for my sx needs and I will start seeking for that one person.

Now, all - sx/so/sp - can be compared to the 3 basic surviva strategies in the animal world:
sp - resources: food, shelter, time, etc.
so - social group (apes are highly integrated in their tribes as it is easier to survive working as a group)
sx - transferance of your genes, procreation

See, sx therefor works on the sexual energy. It doesn't have to necessarily be about sex, it can be that the Sx person actually has an unhealthy relationship with sex, but the transferance of your energy into another body or form mimics that of the intensity of energy during a sexual act. It's not like having an intense intimate moment you can be like ''bebe, lets check out what the weather forecast is''. If you can, then i'm sorry. But most likely the act is gonna have taken over all your senses and focus. Sx people being all about intensity/intimacy seek the mimicking of that intensity of a sexual act as it tells them - yes, in this sector of survival, you are doing well, you are transferring your energy (genes) into another body.
Sx is also called ''the attraction''; ''intimacy'', ''transfering'' subtype.

Basically - I think our primary type is the one we feel the least secure with/we see as the most vulnerable - that's why it is our focus point, because the tendency of any human being is to attack or focus on that which they see as danger to their survival.
Secondary type is the one we feel is the most secure so instead of focusing on it, we use it as a means to fic our vulnerable point.

My 0.025 cents.


----------



## rohan89 (Oct 15, 2016)

pomPOM said:


> I think (from what I have read), that our secondary instinct comes very naturally to us while our first instinct is such a focus because we do not feel as safe and confident about it (while the last is simply ignored or not recognized as a ''means of survival'').
> Therefor, an So/Sx will have a natural balance for their Sx needs and they will even use the Sx strategies to achieve their So needs, because their end goal is always gonna be So while the path of least resistance to that goal is Sx.
> For Sx however, the path of least resistance is So, but their goal is always gonna be their Sx need for intense connection which they will be looking for overwhelmingly much.
> 
> ...


This answer really helped me. Thank you


----------



## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

pomPOM said:


> For instance, as an Sx/So, I've never neither focused nor paid much conscious attention to hierarchies and how social groups work. But I somehow always know and remember a lot about people. I tend to remember really well what are the relationships between people, who is the dominant in the group, who is the weakling, etc. But this information is always used to get to my Sx needs - ok, so these people have a strong relationship, I guess developing an intense connection with one of them is off the records. This person is a loner of the group - ding dong here is my focus point.
> Or at parties I will start out seeing the whole group, maybe interacting with multiple people but I wwill want to (need to) start getting rif of the people who aint doing it for my sx needs and I will start seeking for that one person.


Interesting to hear what is basically the inverse of my functioning. As soc/sx, I've never really paid a ton of up-front attention to who I feel most magnetically drawn to - I don't really scope out environments looking for that in particular. I'm usually more attentive to figuring out something akin to what is this system/who does what here/who influences who and how. I sort of stumble upon the sx data along the way as I interact with people. Those sx connections then inform my decisions within the soc matrix - who do I go out of my way for versus who do I avoid, and to what extent. 



cyamitide said:


> So, I'm guessing that so/sx types use their ability to create intimacy to secure their position in the social world.


I guess you could describe it that way but the former part sounds more authentic to my perception than the latter. Examples of "securing my position in the social world" are like increasingly feeling happy and comfortable and competent at my job, and finding, bonding with, and growing with my life partner, and strengthening warm, healthy relationships with my family. I've had things happen before where I get offered a promotion because of a good relationship (on top of hard work/results), but that's not what I consciously plan or think about. I'm sort of an incidental social climber - I think it happens because I usually like people and therefore they usually like me and because I like being a part of decision-making bodies, so I do intentionally try to become a part of those - though I do even do that on sort of a passive level, preferring to be asked than to chasing nominations down. Consciously I mostly just think about trying to make the people I love happy and how to make that work with making me happy, too.


----------

