# Do you have a romantic preference for introverts or extraverts?



## Kitfool (Oct 24, 2012)

What is your MB type, if you could create your perfect sigificant other, would they be an introvert or an extravert?

If you please, also comment with any insight you have on WHY you prefer one or the other, past relationships you've had where this has been an issue or anything else you deem relevant to the topic.

I also wouldn't mind knowing if the functions make a difference (such as Te doms being preferable to Fe, or Ne to Se, or whatever), your gender and your hypothetical/actual Significant other's gender.


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## JoanCrawford (Sep 27, 2012)

Extrovert, they can voice my opinions for me because I'm too shy to do so.


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## KateMarie999 (Dec 20, 2011)

Extrovert- I'm kind of shy so an extrovert could bring me out of my shell. I can't be the one bringing him to parties or we'd never go!


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## LexiFlame (Aug 9, 2012)

I'm an ENTP and I'd like to be with an introvert. I find the idea of encouraging them to be a little more outgoing and extroverted while they in turn encourage me to enjoy time alone to be quite comforting. I like give and take situations like that, which is why type-wise I'm only sure I'll end up with an xNxx. All other factors except intuitive vs sensing are fine with me depending on the individual.


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## snowbell (Apr 2, 2012)

Introvert. We could stay home together and watch the snow fall while sitting in front of a roaring fire.


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## Fallen Nocturne (May 13, 2012)

Now I have to copy my post from the other thread over... See how much effort I put in?

"Just to clarify, I'm referring to Introversion/Extroversion as a personality trait here, not as an MBTI component.

In guys, I prefer extroverts. I'm not entirely sure why, but I like to have a lot of energy flowing through my relationships. Now that I think about it, I'm not as concerned about Introversion/Extroversion in the ladies. The surprises me, given I'm usually a lot more picky when it comes to girls and relationships. I think it's because I'm more picky in the sense that I like slightly geeky, sciency girls who I share some interests with, which makes it easier for me to get along with them if they're introverted. With guys I'm not as concerned about their interests for some reason, so a general enthusiasm and extroversion is more of a prized trait."


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## Raichu (Aug 24, 2012)

Extravert, and preferably perceiver. I'm pretty sure almost every guy I've ever had a crush on since like 4th grade has been an ExxP.  I already spend enough time alone due to shyness. I want someone to go on adventures with.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

I've never been in a romantic relationship with an introvert, for reasons I've explained numerous times.


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## Slimblue (Jan 22, 2013)

I voted extravert because it's more likely to actually happen due to my own introversion and I would enjoy having someone to go out and experience new things with.


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## heterogeneous (Oct 10, 2011)

I've had crushes on extroverts in the past but couldn't see myself in a relationship with one. I need someone who is fine with just sitting and thinking together.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

I'm an introvert, and I mostly prefer other introverts, I do wonder how I would get along with an Fe dom though. Its pretty much crashed and burned with Se, and Ne. Dunno about Te, but they might grate on me after a while.


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## hela (Feb 12, 2012)

I prefer introverts. I like to unwrap things.


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

INTP here. And I prefer extroverts, ceterus paribus (physical looks, interests, etc).


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## FlightsOfFancy (Dec 30, 2012)

I find this to be one the good deciding factors that Jungarian Framework offers in terms of relationships. 


I am very introverted, and while it is fun to have someone extraverted, the allure quickly dies when I realize my obligations to their social sphere. Yes, it does aid an introvert in learning to socialize, but a strong extravert is simply not going to enjoy my huge preference/need for alone time. Similarly, I don't get how they can take all those lights, sounds, and external stimuli for that long (no, I do not have Asperger's or Social Anxiety).


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## hailfire (Dec 16, 2012)

Introverts. I can base this only on my experience in friendships, but I know this will remain consistent with an SO. There are other reasons, but suffice it to say that even though beginning friendships with introverts is harder (or more likely the case, a complete coincidence which by technicality should have never happened), they are more rewarding for me and require much less out of me overall. The near-perpetual sights, sounds, and movements that to me seem to be everywhere where extraverts are are just too much for me from anywhere between little to no time. It can get me a bit ragey. Also, I'll add that my guarded personality doesn't quite help.

Oh, and I've noticed that I have a particular difficulty with Te and Fe doms in general, so I don't think I could bet on one of them as an SO.


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## SnowFairy (Nov 21, 2011)

I'm on the introverted end of the spectrum considering that I am an ESTJ, so I would prefer being with an introvert. I tried dating an extrovert once, and I did not like it.


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## Cassieopeia (Jan 9, 2012)

I'm an Introvert who wants an Extravert. I'm only about 33% Introverted, and I like someone who can drag me out on adventures and make me feel more alive.

Functions definitely matter to me. I prefer ESTP's above all, but anyone who uses Ti and Fe respectively is best for me, I've noticed. The exception would be ESFP's. I could fall for anyone and have had a variety of "crushes" in my life, but I've learned and noticed patterns.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

Introvert. I'm just much more attracted to them, find them easier to talk with, and generally a better match. Now, 'milder' extroverts are usually fine, but the stronger extroverts tend to wear me out. 

I love to just enjoy quiet time together, to have someone understand that I need alone time without feeling like I'm being secretive or pushing them away, to not feel like I have to keep them entertained when they're bored, to not be pressured to go out and do things I'm not really excited about, etc. 

I don't mind taking on some of the burden of the extroverted things that need to be done as long as I'm in an environment where I get enough alone time so I actually have energy, though I don't want to have to Always do those things. I have noticed though that as mch as I seem like a very strong introvert, I do tend to naturally take the extrovert role with people who are also introverted or shy. I tend to be the one who initiates contact, who plans getting together, who invites people over to my place, who gets someone talking. Sometimes I can resent this, but on the other hand I've noticed I can kind of get stubborn and resentfull when someone else is pestering me, pushing me to do something, attempting to 'draw me out' soooo...... I guess I prefer to take that role myself, just...with other introverts.


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## Sinthemoon (Jan 9, 2013)

I'm not really extraverted in the scientific sense of the term (about average for the E factor of the Big Five), but I'm more at ease being the extraverted one in the couple; so an introvert. As long as being introverted is not used as an excuse for lack of initiative...


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## TheProcrastinatingMaster (Jun 4, 2012)

I make the tactical choice of deploying my extrovert in the field of social combat, thus I avoid having to do it myself.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

This is a tough question because even among extraverts and introverts, there's variation. I'd like someone who can be sociable and likes to remain relatively active. There are introverts and extraverts that fit that description. So I chose not to vote.


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## 2GiveMyHeart2 (Jan 2, 2012)

Extravert because I wanna get out of the house and enjoy life in the outside world.


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## Marie Claire (Aug 12, 2011)

My ex-husband is an extrovert and it was a problem in our marriage. (I'm an introvert.) He wanted to have or go to a party every weekend. I hate parties. Eventually, he would go to parties and I would stay home with the kids.  

I'm now in a relationship with an introvert and it's pure bliss.


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## thor odinson (May 21, 2011)

I'd say extravert because it would be complimentary since I am an introvert.

But as long as they weren't to high energy.

It would help me greatly in getting me out of my shell somewhat more because I've become less reserved over the years.

I couldn't handle it if they were the type that wanted to go out every week, not as in to a friends place or out for dinner or a movie, that's fine but if they wanted to go out clubbing or to parties quite frequently, that would drain me.


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## sriracha (Sep 19, 2010)

I'm surprised at the results so far. I was one of who chose the highest ones without seeing the progress so far. I'm an introvert thinker and I prefer an introvert. To me, it's self-explanatory. I just think I'd do better with another introvert. I feel like extroverts are so caught up in the world, and they are too fast-paced for me. I can't deal with him going out all the time, or always having friends over, etc.. I mean having an SO like that, I don't know it it'll work out. I'm a person that needs little social interaction. So in his view, I would wonder how much I mean to him (the fact that I don't need to see him a lot). I want someone who just understands my need for space. We both could spend time together not saying a lot and still be content. I can't handle the excessive chattering with an extrovert. I'd get too annoyed.


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## mirrorghost (Sep 18, 2012)

i am INFP and i voted introvert, but i could maybe deal with a less pronounced extrovert. i dunno, i think most of my boyfriends have likely been introverts, but i am not entirely sure. my parents are both Is and most of my friends are. one of my best friends tested as ENFJ, and i think read they are the least extroverted extroverts? i like how she pulls me out of my shell a bit, and makes me feel less shy. i don't know how i would like this in a romantic relationship though? i think i'm just more attracted to introverted guys and always will be. the other two extraverts i know would wear me out easily, and i'd need to have time away from them...so probably an introvert would be better for me in most cases.


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## OrdinarinessIsAFWTD (Jun 28, 2011)

_Veddy interesting_. Was expecting a clean sweep of preference toward E's among the wimminz, seeing as how they are hard-wired to flock to the alpha.

I'm pretty noncommittal here, having experienced booms and busts with I's and E's alike.


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## Sinthemoon (Jan 9, 2013)

So, up to now, introverts kind of dominate the poll. I'd gues the fact that we're on the internet can carry a bias towards introverts. I'd expect different results if we asked people clubbing for example.


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## mirrorghost (Sep 18, 2012)

Meritocrat said:


> _Veddy interesting_. Was expecting a clean sweep of preference toward E's among the wimminz, seeing as how they are hard-wired to flock to the alpha.
> 
> I'm pretty noncommittal here, having experienced booms and busts with I's and E's alike.


i dislike the scientific idea of "hardwiring" but yes, maybe some women, but obviously not all. and maybe Es flock to Es more. i could see "alphaness" more enchanting to an SJ type, perhaps, but maybe not with the others so much.


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## VenusianMizu (Sep 9, 2011)

Introvert. Extroverted guys overwhelm me and I have this habit of planning everything so dealing with someone else's spontaneity just might drive me up the wall >.<


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## Nekomata (May 26, 2012)

INFP. Would probably be with an introvert - I doubt I'd have much in common with someone who's the opposite of me.


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## SoulShield (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm an INFJ. I would most prefer to be with another INFJ. Extroverts drain my energy. When I chill with other introverts, there's not that constant draining of energy. I prefer to keep things simple and calm.


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## Dean Machine (Aug 30, 2011)

I'm an introvert thinker, and would prefer an introvert. I have dated extrovert, and introverted people before and I suppose I just prefer similarity. Extroverts seem to typically drain me, regardless of how social they are...it seems their thought processes and thinking processes drain me. It's not totally incompatible, but I prefer people like me, and get along with them better. Now, I'd actually prefer dating an introvert feeler, than thinker. While liking similarity, you need a bit of difference. I'd go into why I prefer IFs over ITs, but I would just ramble.


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## aelium (Jan 13, 2013)

Extrovert because I never like to be the initiator of social contact.


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## BadMediaKarma (Jan 13, 2013)

I tend to be more attracted to introverted people. I feel like it's just easier to communicate with someone who's more of a quiet, internal thinker, since overly extroverted people can be overwhelming for me at times.


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## GaudiyaVaisnavi (May 13, 2012)

Wow, thanks for starting such a fun, interesting thread! I love this topic and have thought about it extensively. I was married to an extrovert for seven years and it did not work, for reasons that have been mentioned above by others. He always wanted to get out and go to social events, or host (semi-)large gatherings at our house; he needed/wanted my participation in these things, so one of two things was always happening -- either he gave up what he wanted and felt disappointed, or I gritted my teeth and cooperated with his desire and felt bored or stressed. Certainly things would have been easier for me with a husband who was a "less pronounced" extrovert, but still, an extrovert is an extrovert. They have no need to recharge their batteries through time alone, like I do, so there's always a good chance they'd find it hard to understand or sympathize with my fundamental need for lots of time alone. Even if I found a sympathetic, considerate extrovert who was willing to take my word for what I needed and give me my space, even if not truly able to understand my needs -- and I know there are many extroverts like that -- still, though the marriage could work, we'd be missing that bond of true, deep understanding that comes from our both having to go through the same things and overcome the same challenges in life. I do want to be one of those introverts who comes out of my shell and has interaction with the world, but I want to do it at a pace that feels comfortable and right for me; and I realized that a fellow introvert with similar goals could probably encourage me to do that much more patiently, knowing first-hand how hard it might be for me, whereas an extrovert who'd never gone through that challenge would be likely to have a much lower level of sympathetic understanding in his encouragement of me. 

Plus, introverts are much, much more attractive to me. The aura of depth and mystique, there being more to them than meets the eye -- wonderful observations, thoughts, feelings that they've been meditating on without speaking of yet, that are waiting to be discovered by whoever cares enough to really get to know them -- are traits I find wonderfully alluring. 

I would definitely have to find another N type. My husband was S-preference and that was awful for me too.  At first I thought I'd want a Feeler, like myself, because I was under the impression that T-preference people have a harder time understanding others' feelings and therefore can be hurtful more often; but then I realized that having an F preference is no guarantee you won't be hurtful and having a T preference is no guarantee you will, so I became more open-minded about that. I appreciate the benefits an objective, logical thinker would bring to the relationship, and there are definitely more sparks/chemistry when you're opposite in some ways, so now I'm thinking I'd like a T-dom.  And as far as J/P is concerned, I'd like someone pretty balanced, but maybe leaning a bit toward the J side, because I'm hesitant/indecisive enough for two. 

Enneagram-wise, I like 5s. I'm thinking my ideal might be a 5-4-8 tritype -- I'd want him to have lots of imagination and love fantasy like I do, and be happy to be different/unique/unconventional (type 4), but be more of a leader and achiever than I am (type 8). And he would HAVE to be a self-pres-last, like me. My husband had a very strong self-preservation instinct in second place and that was a nightmare for me, too. I have a really hard time understanding, sympathizing, or having patience with that in other people.


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## amethyst_butterfly (Mar 14, 2011)

I am an introvert and I have always preferred introverted men. I feel I can have a more intimate and deep connection with an introverted male than an extrovert.


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## runnerveran (Dec 19, 2011)

Introvert and a slight preference for extroverts.



Edit: And apparently, I've already posted in this thread. Maybe I shouldn't be on Percy while I'm half asleep.


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## teekhov (Nov 18, 2012)

I'm an introvert and I find myself drawn to both introverts and extroverts. I have a weakness for those quiet, deep thinking introverts who an air of confidence. There's this dark, twisted side to them that I sense, and I'm drawn to that. Then I'm also drawn to those charming and adventurous extroverts who seem to know how to bring out the best in everyone and let loose. I don't know, perhaps I'm just drawn to different sides of myself that I unconsciously suppress.


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## Felidire (Jan 12, 2013)

Difficult to say. I'm an introvert, and I know what sort of personality I like the most in a romantic sense, but I haven't been able to successfully type it yet.

Fairly certain i'd prefer the company of another introvert, though.



snowbell said:


> Introvert. We could stay home together and watch the snow fall while sitting in front of a roaring fire.


That sounds really cute. XP


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## Kitfool (Oct 24, 2012)

Wow, thanks for all the responses! My theory was that in general, introvert thinkers (particularly males) would prefer an extravert woman (particularly feelers) while most Introvert feelers would prefer another introvert. Extravert thinkers also seem to prefer other extraverts, while I think extraverted feelers often prefer an introvert. This poll doesn't exactly confirm my theory, but I think some of the responses did moreso. Indeed there is a substantial bias towards introverts among the typing community, but generally a bias towards extraverts IRL. I will have to expand my research.

My consensus based on these results is that ideally, introverts and extraverts usually prefer to stick to their own kind, but often end up with their opposite, if for no other reason than because the extravert tends to be the "aggressor" whether male or female, so an introvert is more likely to be approached by an extravert.


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## forsquares (Nov 12, 2012)

I'm an INFJ, and I like the social tendencies of extraverts because sometimes I need to be pulled out of my shell, but I like the deeper conversations that I tend to be able to have with introverts.


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## heavydirtysoul (Jan 13, 2012)

Extrovert. ♥


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## Isisx (Sep 13, 2012)

I'm an introvert and prefer men who are too!


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## MercuryWings (Feb 8, 2013)

Extrovert!


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## Destiny Lund (Sep 2, 2011)

I'm a well-balanced ENFP & my husband is a well-balanced INTJ & he's perfect for me. I love INTJ's that don't score 100% T or 100% J. That's what I mean by balanced. Every INTJ is different & nothing is black & white, as long as he is somewhat balanced "TJ" & he is tolerant, then we'll get along great & we do. ^_^


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## Destiny Lund (Sep 2, 2011)

In case I wasn't clear on the E/I thing, I definitely prefer Introverts.


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## Gantz (Sep 24, 2012)

An introvert. Preferably someone I could have a good conversation with. Also I'd like someone I can play video games with. I don't understand why other introverts find the idea of being dragged into a social situation by an extrovert to be appealing.


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## deftonePassenger (Jun 18, 2012)

INTP. I would much rather have an Extrovert, simply because I find it difficult to connect with introverted girls. opposites to attract. Pretty much every girl I've ever pursued has been ESxJ


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## LittleHawk (Feb 15, 2011)

Extrovert. I just find they can help me out of my shell and are much easier to talk to than other introverts and help me to achieve my 'big dreams'.

I don't find all Extroverts to be that mentally draining. The extroverts I'm good friends with are able to hold deep conversations and be silly when the occasion requires it. In relationships I have a tough enough time figuring out and expressing how I feel myself so having somebody who can easily communicate their concerns is half of the battle for me.


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## myexplodingcat (Feb 6, 2011)

snowbell said:


> Introvert. We could stay home together and watch the snow fall while sitting in front of a roaring fire.


With homemade chai tea and brownies, possibly listening to music that almost nobody knows exists.

Depending on the Introvert, it may also involve Mario Kart.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I am an Extrovert (thinker) and I don't have a preference, I'm fairly certain I've dated just about every type there is (but I did marry an introvert).


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## WOLFsanctuary (Sep 19, 2012)

Extroverted SENSORS 

I Love to Bask in all of their Glory ;-)

By 4w3 SX/SP


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## Jabberbroccoli (Mar 19, 2011)

Introvert, it's less painful.


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## scorpion (Dec 8, 2012)

I can't pick. There are so many other factors that feed in.


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## Melfina (Feb 5, 2013)

As an infj, I've mostly dated other IN's. Sometimes I think only another intuitive can stand a chance at understanding me. Of course, I have never married yet, so take it all with a grain of salt. :3

As for I or E preference...E's usually catch my eye much quicker but I don't ponder them as much. I's I will pick up on after the E has done it's mating dance (lol) and I'll usually go sit by them instead. It's kind of like how a cat will sit by the one person who doesn't want to pet it. Because of this, I don't usually spend time with many E's and wonder if there's something I'm missing. I do enjoy I's immensely though...we all share the inner world connection I think.

Often it comes down to what my focus is in the relationship...do I care more about our connection to each other or our connection to the rest of the world? Both are important but hard to have at the same time with the same person.


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## Kriash (May 5, 2011)

I'm an introvert and I think I would prefer another introvert, however I think that saying I would not consider an extrovert is a bit of a stretch. If I connect with someone, that's all that really matters.


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## Eddy Kat (Sep 10, 2012)

Introvert. I dunno why I've always been attracted to them. I guess it means I'm doomed


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