# Developing Se and Confidence



## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

One thing I've noticed in posts on here and articles is that Se users are portrayed as confident, self assured and have inner 'strength'. 
I was wondering if this is true and how to develop Se if it's a dom/aux function?
Also, how do you develop confidence and does that relate to your extroverted function?


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

I'm a Se aux but I'm not confident for most of the time.

Any type can be confident. To me, being confident means believing yourself doing the right thing or having the ability to do certain thing. 

I guess why Se dom/aux are said to be confident by some people is that they have gathered so much concrete information/ evidence/ life experience from the real world that they can be confident about their decision/ action/ thought/ theory because all of these are support by real life evidence. That's my experience with Se. It's like you come up with a conclusion from a statistics of a million samples, and you can certainly be confident about your conclusion, ONLY IF you believe in statistics, which I don't, that's why I'm not confident about myself.

Here is my assumption:
My dom is Fi and aux Se. According to popular definition, Fi is about developing strong and consistent personal value. Since this is not a Fi thread I skip the Fi part. Aux Se, in my own understanding, supports my Fi with real world evidence and life experience. Thus, the development of personal values for ISFP (Fi dom and Se aux) is in a sense scientific-based. 

I don't know how to develop Se, but I guess the way to do it is just to use it more, which means more observation and attention to the environment and experience as it is, which is natural for sensors.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

What's your type, by the way?


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## Cheesecoffee (Mar 22, 2012)

Why in hell would Se have anything to do with confidence? Simply learn to master your dominant function and grow confident using it, then proceed with the auxiliary and so on. You have to trust yourself and studying your natural strengths as a specific type can really help as it did for me. Now i accept my weaknesses, i dont however use mbti to justify my decisions, instead i use it for self improvement as i act naturally. My confidence comes from my understanding of why things are the way they are, which includes mysef, objective things and the people around me.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

Cheesecoffee said:


> Simply learn to master your dominant function and grow confident using it, then proceed with the auxiliary and so on. You have to trust yourself and studying your natural strengths as a specific type can really help as it did for me.


Certainly the way to develop confidence in terms of mbti.


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## Cheesecoffee (Mar 22, 2012)

Works for most people :happy:


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

uncertain said:


> What's your type, by the way?


Thanks your examples were helpful!
I'm thought to be an ISTP (but a weird one in a Ti/Ni loop with scary Fe) so I wanted to try and develop my Se (my therapist basically told me to do that but didn't use Jung/MBTI phrases and my sister, who's an INTP and into MBTI, said I seem to lack Se). 
I was wondering as well about if developing Se meant observing or interacting with the external environment and how that would be done? (Such as what activities etc).


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## Owfin (Oct 15, 2011)

If you have such a lack of Se, might you be a Se inferior type? Auxiliaries and Tertiaries don't tend to have much of a problem with disuse unless _all_ the non dominant functions do. "Lacking" a function is much more common if that function is inferior. It'd also explain why you'd lack such confidence in that area.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

Owfin said:


> If you have such a lack of Se, might you be a Se inferior type? Auxiliaries and Tertiaries don't tend to have much of a problem with disuse unless _all_ the non dominant functions do. "Lacking" a function is much more common if that function is inferior. It'd also explain why you'd lack such confidence in that area.


INTJ/ INFJ have inferior Se

INTJ - Ni Te Fi Se
INFJ - Ni Fe Ti Se

INFJ has all the function you describe in a different order, but it is very different from ISTP


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## elixare (Aug 26, 2010)

Having developed Se does not imply that you will become "confident, self assured and have inner 'strength'."

It does however, make you more easily/smoothly navigate/explore/venture around/move around/interact with the external environment/external objects as well as quickly responding to events in the external world in a tactical fashion which makes you less likely to be perceived as awkward/uncertain, which makes you more likely to be perceived as confident...But this is all perception and has little to do with actual confidence...INTJs are famous for genuinely scoring high in all those three traits and yet have inferior Se


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Your confidence shouldn't have anything to do with your extroverted function. *However *- since it is the extroverted function that judges or perceives things outward, it can be the extroverted function which shows off your confidence and inner strength.

Se users are not automatically confident and self-assured. I know several who aren't. 

Today a lot of people who find intuition and thinking beyond stressful revert to the simplicity of mottos like Carpe Diem. In that context, a Se dom, who is naturally predisposed to Seize the Day, might come off as more successful because they can grab life by the horns and maybe even enjoy being poked. 

If you want to develop Se, take some advice from Nike. Just do it. Experience life as it is and let go of inhibitions. In that sense a Se dom is admirable because they have the fearlessness to _live_.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

Owfin said:


> If you have such a lack of Se, might you be a Se inferior type? Auxiliaries and Tertiaries don't tend to have much of a problem with disuse unless _all_ the non dominant functions do. "Lacking" a function is much more common if that function is inferior. It'd also explain why you'd lack such confidence in that area.





uncertain said:


> INTJ/ INFJ have inferior Se
> 
> INTJ - Ni Te Fi Se
> INFJ - Ni Fe Ti Se
> ...


I thought I was an INTJ for a while, but I don't get Ni/Te at all (darn confusing). I'm also quite good with people, good at getting on with work in public and generally love being outside (I've been told INxJs don't like that much). I have a physical and psychological need to be outside at least twice a day or I get really upset (I'm a very active person, both in body and mind). So I don't know about those two types. Plus, how would it explain the dangerous Fe I keep having come and stab me in the side? (worrying what people think, worrying about standing out etc)

Thanks for all the replies by the way, they're very helpful!


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## Tonios (May 15, 2012)

I lack Se absolutely but cant complain about confidence though .


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

tine said:


> I thought I was an INTJ for a while, but I don't get Ni/Te at all (darn confusing). I'm also quite good with people, good at getting on with work in public and generally love being outside (I've been told INxJs don't like that much). I have a physical and psychological need to be outside at least twice a day or I get really upset (I'm a very active person, both in body and mind). So I don't know about those two types. Plus, how would it explain the dangerous Fe I keep having come and stab me in the side? (worrying what people think, worrying about standing out etc)
> 
> Thanks for all the replies by the way, they're very helpful!


So I have several thoughts:

How about INFJ?

I've heard that worrying about what people think and being suspicious to the environment have to do with Ni. I'm not sure if it's correct.

Not Ni/Te? What makes you think that? I guess you feel a strong Ti in yourself? INFJ has Ni and Ti.

Have you ever thought that you might be E or F? 

You mention that you might be an ISTP. Do you feel that you fit the typical ISTP description? If yes, I don't think you will be either INTJ/ INFJ. INxJ seems so distance from me. Maybe you can try to turn away from function theory a little bit? S/N and P/J make the differences, big differences. Just look at SP and SJ you will figure out how P is different from J. S/N, have not much to say about it. Still the main thing, concrete vs abstract, focusing at the real-world vs your head, etc.

I'm an ISFP, but I feel that I'm similar to ISTP in a lot of way. I think I can understand ISTP a lot. (Not being arrogant but just how I feel.) One of the main characters of ISTP is that they are very practical and independent people.

Although both ISTP and INxJ have Se and Ni but they are in different order and that's what makes you a sensor/ intuitive. I'm medium-high in sensing, so I would have no doubt about my preference. If you are INxJ, you should have a high N and low S and should not have much doubt about your preference either. ISTP would be more likely a borderline S/N, which is a good thing, than INxJ because ISTP has sensing and intuition being 2nd and 3rd function while INxJ has them in the 1st and 4th.

Hope these help.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

Amaterasu said:


> In that sense a Se dom is admirable because they have the fearlessness to _live_.


Why would we have the fear to live?? I don't get it. Just live as a happy and normal person. At most you will have an unhappy life, but why would it have anything to do with fear?

It doesn't have to be like a world round trip or trying out all the food in the world, and I think to do so just requires energy. I don't go around that much because I have low energy level, and the environment around me keeps changing every day which gives me new things to observe every day already.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

I don't know about "inner strength" but Se dom especially could give the _appearance _of having more um "sure footing" (physically), or ability to speak or act in the real world. That could appear to be confidence to some types, that Se types can find self-esteem in physical mastery, or being quick to speak and/or act. It doesn't necessarily mean, though, that they are more confident than other types. It just means that what they find their confidence in is more apparent or "in your face" than other types.

Same with Se aux, but would be "toned down" and less "in your face" so Se aux might not appear as such IRL unless you really paid attention to them or knew them well. A friend of mine told me once that she thinks I carry myself well, like can have a quietly intimidating presence, but I'm not sure if that's Se or well-developed Fi, having sureness in one's own self, path and morality could make someone seem quietly self-assured. Her ISTJ mother has a similar trait, but I think it's the combo of being an Fi type combined with that IxTJ appearance of cool self-control that trumps any "regal" appearance I may have...because I can just as easily cut loose, do a somersault across the yard, laugh too loud, or eat with my hands, being an ISFP instead of an ISTJ, lol.

So ...hmmm...I think many types can be confident but what you're talking about may just be the "boldness" that comes across tangibly in Se doms, especially.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

Amaterasu said:


> Your confidence shouldn't have anything to do with your extroverted function. *However *- since it is the extroverted function that judges or perceives things outward, it can be the extroverted function which shows off your confidence and inner strength.
> 
> Se users are not automatically confident and self-assured. I know several who aren't.
> 
> ...


Or simply believe that any other option besides living would be a joke.

That's how I've felt, since my teens, like people who live small (like really small, not because they choose to because they are happy with a simple life, but smallness out of fear and inadequacy) are cheating themselves, like why would you even live that way.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

uncertain said:


> Why would we have the fear to live?? I don't get it. Just live as a happy and normal person. At most you will have an unhappy life, but why would it have anything to do with fear?
> 
> It doesn't have to be like a world round trip or trying out all the food in the world, and I think to do so just requires energy. I don't go around that much because I have low energy level, and the environment around me keeps changing every day which gives me new things to observe every day already.


I had italicized 'live' for the reason that I wanted to give the impression of actually enjoying everything that life entails - all it's experiences, the situations we find ourselves in...you get the picture.
Some people just go through life from within their head. They want what's in their head to show itself in reality. They don't actually enjoy what's going on in the present.

Oh god. Rather tired right now, excuse my dull language.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

Thanks for the replies!



uncertain said:


> So I have several thoughts:
> 
> How about INFJ?
> 
> ...


I thought worrying like that was more Fe but Ni could be true!
I don't disagree with Te, but I've been told I exhibit more Ti-like thinking etc. Personally the functions confuse me.
I did start out on here as INTP, but quickly changed to ENFP. Now I'm just stuck as nothing because I can't seem to work it out.
As with all the types (bar most SJ ones) I feel like it sounds like me sometimes but not always. None of the descriptions seem to paint a clear enough picture for me to see if it looks like me or not. The thing which confuses me with J/P is the combo of S/N with it, because it completely changes.
With independence, I want it but feel duty bound to stick with people and not do my own thing (I hunger for freedom and to be away from people I know so I have no real obligations for a while, but can't push myself to do it).
With tests I vary from N to S and so on. I find I test as having more Se than Si but the N function appears to change depending on my mood. Overall my mood really affects how I view myself and how I act.
Thanks, that was helpful!


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## FacePalm (Jun 27, 2012)

I know this is a cliche but true confidence comes from knowledge and experience. Not from Se per se. But Se does help you see the reality better.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

tine said:


> Thanks for the replies!
> 
> 
> I thought worrying like that was more Fe but Ni could be true!
> ...


Do you think you might be ENFJ? Because you can't break away to do your own thing sounds more Fe, like you feel emotionally or morally obligated to others, and breaking away feels immoral to you? Also could have to do with Enneagram, not just Fe. 

Then higher Se than Si would be ENFJs tertiary function, and having Ni/Se as your aux/tert might explain S/N confusion.

Allow me to explain what I mean by that. For example, tonight I looked at a profile of a person I don't even know, aside from some things another person close to them told me briefly, and knew for a fact that person is an ESxP. I would probably laugh at you if you told me anything different.

Never had that sureness of myself, ever. What I've always had sureness of is my F. Sometimes that's a good indicator of dom function (but not always). I have never ever once thought I was a T type, ever, even though on some tests it suggests I'm T-ish for being firm or being capable of being hard at times.

I also know an ISxJ who has switched from F to T, and in IxxJs, T and F are those aux/tert functions.

I swear a developed Tertiary can make you feel less sure of one of your letters, like if you're a T/F or S/N.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

FacePalm said:


> I know this is a cliche but true confidence comes from knowledge and experience. Not from Se per se. But Se does help you see the reality better.


But don't we, as Se types, get more confident with the knowledge that comes from life experience. I've become more and more sure of myself as I've gotten older, and the more I experience and the more I win at life, the more confident I feel.

I think Se is what makes us value the knowledge that comes from experience in the first place. I've had NTs mock me and call me "anecdotal" when I think I'm speaking from a place of relative realistic intelligence.


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## FacePalm (Jun 27, 2012)

fourtines said:


> But don't we, as Se types, get more confident with the knowledge that comes from life experience. I've become more and more sure of myself as I've gotten older, and the more I experience and the more I win at life, the more confident I feel.
> 
> I think Se is what makes us value the knowledge that comes from experience in the first place. I've had NTs mock me and call me "anecdotal" when I think I'm speaking from a place of relative realistic intelligence.


So you basically agree with what I said about confidence comes from knowledge and experience. But like other posters already mentioned in this thread, having Se or lack thereof has nothing to do with confidence. There are confident Se users and then there are timid Se depending on what those people have gone through in their lives.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

fourtines said:


> But don't we, as Se types, get more confident with the knowledge that comes from life experience. I've become more and more sure of myself as I've gotten older, and the more I experience and the more I win at life, the more confident I feel.
> 
> I think Se is what makes us value the knowledge that comes from experience in the first place. I've had NTs mock me and call me "anecdotal" when I think I'm speaking from a place of relative realistic intelligence.


Life experience is the supreme!

I think knowledge in theory and life experience strengthen both, so I value both. I think experience is the base, which means I can live with experience without theory but I can't live with theory without experience. Furthermore, rich life experience always allows someone to draw certain conclusion, which is very valuable and scarce because it requires time.

I like abstract theories sometimes when I have the mental energy, but I dislike going into abstract stuff for too long or too much because I'll start to feel uncertain about myself or get lost. First I don't have enough experience in life to connect with all the theory, and second too much abstract theories make me feel disconnected with the world.

I'll feel more confidence if I have a rich life experience than if I am very scholastic and knowledgeable but have little experience with the world. On the other hand, too much experience also makes you get lost, so it's important to stop at some point and go back to my room and think about all that I've encountered. Maybe do some introspection and connections.

Maybe since I'm a Se aux, I tend to do the thinking more and not necessarily have the impulse to experience all the time. I have the motivation to experience especially when I see that it would help me to improve myself as a person in a certain way, it can be small or big.

It should illustrate Se quite well here.


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## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

tine said:


> I thought I was an INTJ for a while, but I don't get Ni/Te at all (darn confusing). *I'm also quite good with people, good at getting on with work in public and generally love being outside (I've been told INxJs don't like that much).* *I have a physical and psychological need to be outside at least twice a day or I get really upset (I'm a very active person, both in body and mind). So I don't know about those two types.* Plus, how would it explain the dangerous Fe I keep having come and stab me in the side? (worrying what people think, worrying about standing out etc)
> 
> Thanks for all the replies by the way, they're very helpful!


Blah, cliches.
I'm an INTJ and I have a lot of physical energy (I just don't have much social energy). I don't necessarily need to be outside everyday, but if I don't do any outdoor activities for longer than a few days, I get incredibly cranky.
I've got zero public speaking problems (and neither does my INFJ friend) and I can deal with people reasonably well. I don't enjoy working with noisy or obnoxious people, but I'm polite to everyone at work.
My INFJ friend works with tons of people, is good at networking and always looking for people to co-operate with.

I'm not saying you're an INTJ or INFJ, but lots of the things that are said about some types are just cliches.
Also, worrying about what people think or about standing out can be fear of social judgement independent of Fe. Hum.... maybe it is more common in Fe-users, but if people criticize or bully you, that can have an effect on any type's well-being.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

FlaviaGemina said:


> Blah, cliches.
> I'm an INTJ and I have a lot of physical energy (I just don't have much social energy). I don't necessarily need to be outside everyday, but if I don't do any outdoor activities for longer than a few days, I get incredibly cranky.
> I've got zero public speaking problems (and neither does my INFJ friend) and I can deal with people reasonably well. I don't enjoy working with noisy or obnoxious people, but I'm polite to everyone at work.
> My INFJ friend works with tons of people, is good at networking and always looking for people to co-operate with.
> ...


Thanks! Yeah I'm quite an underconfident person (lots of problems in earlier life and get held back by the mentality they gave me). I've never found myself relating to Fe descriptions at all, except unhealthy-ish style ones, and even then only bits of them. 
Sorry for the cliches, I'm not very knowledgeable about INxJ types so I go by what's been posted and descriptions (Sadly I don't really know any people of those types, but would find it interesting to meet/talk to some so I'd have a good idea what they're actually like).
I tend not to get socially tired unless I'm bored. Boredom is the major cause of fatigue for me in any situation (I hate just sitting down and waiting for things, I like to act).



fourtines said:


> Do you think you might be ENFJ? Because you can't break away to do your own thing sounds more Fe, like you feel emotionally or morally obligated to others, and breaking away feels immoral to you? Also could have to do with Enneagram, not just Fe.
> 
> Then higher Se than Si would be ENFJs tertiary function, and having Ni/Se as your aux/tert might explain S/N confusion.
> 
> ...


As I stated with the above quoted post, I really don't seem to relate to Fe (I come across as a lot more 'warm' and 'generous' with things than I actually feel, plus I suck at working out my feelings, they're like a big smudge).
I'm generally very unsure of most things about me (i.e. "Think about how you feel/act" and I can't do it, I draw a blank). I got asked a few situational questions and got a definite Se result, but otherwise it was confused (alternating Fi and Ti etc). I was asked to say characters I related to and most were ESxPs, although some were ESTJs and ENTPs.
I'm not sure if I have a well developed tertiary or if my inferiors gone wild, haha! Thanks for the ideas!


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## Kimalynn (Jul 26, 2012)

tine said:


> Thanks your examples were helpful!
> I'm thought to be an ISTP (but a weird one in a Ti/Ni loop with scary Fe) so I wanted to try and develop my Se (my therapist basically told me to do that but didn't use Jung/MBTI phrases and my sister, who's an INTP and into MBTI, said I seem to lack Se).
> I was wondering as well about if developing Se meant observing or interacting with the external environment and how that would be done? (Such as what activities etc).


If you've got Se in your top four, it can't hurt to try and develop it some. Se gets excited by new tastes, sights, smells, touches, and sounds, so there are a lot of things you can do to make it happy, but the key is to keep DOING something. Go lift weights, dance to some awesome music, go for a walk and look around, watch a new movie, cuddle, eat something (in moderation), live in the moment. Tweet about it. Laugh at poop jokes.


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## uncertain (May 26, 2012)

Kimalynn said:


> If you've got Se in your top four, it can't hurt to try and develop it some. Se gets excited by new tastes, sights, smells, touches, and sounds, so there are a lot of things you can do to make it happy, but the key is to keep DOING something. Go lift weights, dance to some awesome music, go for a walk and look around, watch a new movie, cuddle, eat something (in moderation), live in the moment. Tweet about it. Laugh at poop jokes.


Bang! got an idea:

Try to do something relating to your interest, which means you can develop your Se and your interest at the same time so when you finally accomplish something you will have achieved certain degree of confidence and Se.

It's just a theory, not sure if it works.


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## Carmine Ermine (Mar 11, 2012)

I think Se is a lovely function and it gives me confidence that I know how the world really works, but I mostly appear unconfident because I can see that most people have their own ignorant view and focus on an arbitrary decision of "what's appropriate" that doesn't match reality and hinders the capacity to enjoy the world properly.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

fourtines said:


> Same with Se aux, but would be "toned down" and less "in your face" so Se aux might not appear as such IRL unless you really paid attention to them or knew them well. A friend of mine told me once that she thinks I carry myself well, like can have a quietly intimidating presence, but I'm not sure if that's Se or well-developed Fi, having sureness in one's own self, path and morality could make someone seem quietly self-assured.


I have been told that I can look intimidating, and that I can come across as headstrong. Which makes me unapproachable to new people. 

I really don't see it that way though, but now that you've mentioned it, I'm wondering if people's comments could actually be true. xD


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## Ronn (Aug 21, 2012)

I don't know any of these types so I'm going to tell you what I know.

You want to know how to be more confident? Find something that you love to do and just wrap yourself in it. Drown in the stuff. If you like to hike and run, even if it's just for exercise, join a club that goes on trips and practices those things. Go out there and look for that thing, whatever it is for you that just makes you scream and jump up and down. 

What do you like to do when your around other people? Where can I find you when your not at home? Don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about being more confident. You know what's holding you back so go and fix it. 

Enjoy yourself as much as you can and it'll happen. 

Take care.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

firedell said:


> I have been told that I can look intimidating, and that I can come across as headstrong. Which makes me unapproachable to new people.
> 
> I really don't see it that way though, but now that you've mentioned it, I'm wondering if people's comments could actually be true. xD


I third that, makes people anxious I think. My father said that I really need to talk with new people and smile, because they'll get afraid. Just started school again, still same story, people are still notably nervous while I remain calm outward. Maybe that's the intimidating part, to "look confident" or headstrong despite the circumstances.

Being quiet, collected and having a bit intense and/or judging gaze is my guess to why that is.

My real confidence though is not that great, but playing confident is easy.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

tine said:


> Thanks! Yeah I'm quite an underconfident person (lots of problems in earlier life and get held back by the mentality they gave me). I've never found myself relating to Fe descriptions at all, except unhealthy-ish style ones, and even then only bits of them.
> Sorry for the cliches, I'm not very knowledgeable about INxJ types so I go by what's been posted and descriptions (Sadly I don't really know any people of those types, but would find it interesting to meet/talk to some so I'd have a good idea what they're actually like).
> I tend not to get socially tired unless I'm bored. Boredom is the major cause of fatigue for me in any situation (I hate just sitting down and waiting for things, I like to act).
> 
> ...


This sounds exactly like Fe so I don't know what descriptions of Fe that you've read. Being unsure of how you feel yourself is lack of Fi, not lack of Fe. In fact it's common in Fe types. Fe types are also the least likely to get socially tired, because that's what Fe does, it interacts or vibes with others. My ESFJ friend says heaven for her is being at a big concert or party full of people, and she loves having a housefull of people. I enjoy having talks with her, just like I did with my ESFJ ex, but she definitely has much more desire to be social or to connect with others (even random others) than I do, IRL.

Do you think you could be ExTP, if not Fe dom?


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

Kimalynn said:


> If you've got Se in your top four, it can't hurt to try and develop it some. Se gets excited by new tastes, sights, smells, touches, and sounds, so there are a lot of things you can do to make it happy, but the key is to keep DOING something. Go lift weights, dance to some awesome music, go for a walk and look around, watch a new movie, cuddle, eat something (in moderation), live in the moment. Tweet about it. Laugh at poop jokes.


Yeah I thought so! I find I get very 'Se' like when I got to a festival (I stare at everything, get excited, feel the music through the ground, experience the smells and colours around me and end up grinning all the time). Thanks for the ideas, I'll definitely look into it (I lift weights gently at the moment, due to my weakened muscles, but when they get strong I may well be able to do more).



Carmine Ermine said:


> I think Se is a lovely function and it gives me confidence that I know how the world really works, but I mostly appear unconfident because I can see that most people have their own ignorant view and focus on an arbitrary decision of "what's appropriate" that doesn't match reality and hinders the capacity to enjoy the world properly.


I can relate to this. I find myself feeling underconfident due to other people having very differing opinions about the appropriateness of situations etc and so conflict with how I perceive reality and so confuse me.



Ronn said:


> I don't know any of these types so I'm going to tell you what I know.
> 
> You want to know how to be more confident? Find something that you love to do and just wrap yourself in it. Drown in the stuff. If you like to hike and run, even if it's just for exercise, join a club that goes on trips and practices those things. Go out there and look for that thing, whatever it is for you that just makes you scream and jump up and down.
> 
> ...


Thanks, I'm trying to find a passion or two in life. I'm working out of being very 'blah' and uncaring about things mentally, so I'm hoping that with a bit of effort it should come naturally soon. I do enjoy art and exercise a lot, as well as science.



fourtines said:


> This sounds exactly like Fe so I don't know what descriptions of Fe that you've read. Being unsure of how you feel yourself is lack of Fi, not lack of Fe. In fact it's common in Fe types. Fe types are also the least likely to get socially tired, because that's what Fe does, it interacts or vibes with others. My ESFJ friend says heaven for her is being at a big concert or party full of people, and she loves having a housefull of people. I enjoy having talks with her, just like I did with my ESFJ ex, but she definitely has much more desire to be social or to connect with others (even random others) than I do, IRL.
> 
> Do you think you could be ExTP, if not Fe dom?


I'm unsure about Fe dom really, I just can't relate to any of it except a few unhealthy aspects generally, but thanks for the ideas! The ExTP is more likely I think, as I don't know how E/I I am because of suffering fatigue and depression which made me withdraw a lot (I used to be very outgoing and sociable and now I'm starting to be moreso again, so E may be right).

I did have a conversation with my sister which ended with her saying "you're Se dominant" because of what I'd been saying. I said "I hate being bored. I never realise I'm bored, I just feel uncomfortable and moody and want to get out of there. If no one's talking and nothing's going on I get fidgety and bored. Like, if people come over then I'll put on film after film to make sure there's something I can always focus on, like when conversation dies down." and about an art festival we went to "I love the feel of music coming through the ground, when it hits your ears at the same time as it hits your body, it's awesome!"


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## Carmine Ermine (Mar 11, 2012)

tine said:


> I did have a conversation with my sister which ended with her saying "you're Se dominant" because of what I'd been saying. I said "I hate being bored. I never realise I'm bored, I just feel uncomfortable and moody and want to get out of there. If no one's talking and nothing's going on I get fidgety and bored. Like, if people come over then I'll put on film after film to make sure there's something I can always focus on, like when conversation dies down." and about an art festival we went to "I love the feel of music coming through the ground, when it hits your ears at the same time as it hits your body, it's awesome!"


That does sound like ESTP. I think lots of things are awesome.


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## Tad Cooper (Apr 10, 2010)

I was also wondering what functions a person would use if they thought like this:
Person enters forest and, after walking for a while, they find a small pool of water surrounded by toadstools and dragonflies. 
Person: "Wow, this looks so beautiful, it's like a fairy kingdom. The toadstools would be where the fairies sit and the water is what they drink and use generally."
They then hear a sound behind them, like a stick breaking.
Person: "What's that? Are there bears around? Maybe it's something else...*worries about some indescribable monster in the forest and freaks out*"
The person begins to leave, thinking it would be safer to be outside, away from whatever made the noise. They notice pretty flowers on the ground as they walk out of the clearing and go to take one.
Person: "no, I shouldn't. It could be like that film when the girl takes something forbidden from the table and nearly gets killed."
They leave the flower and walk out, keeping an eye out for the 'thing' in the forest, but also feeling very excited at the experience.


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## Diphenhydramine (Apr 9, 2010)

One trick is to never be on the fence about anything, ever.


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## Carmine Ermine (Mar 11, 2012)

Inguz said:


> My real confidence though is not that great, but playing confident is easy.


People often think I'm really unconfident or scared, so they don't trust me because of that. But I often deliberately do things that I find scary, like karaoke or public speaking, because I think it's more important to not allow fear to stop you from doing what you want.

Perhaps the auxiliary function is something that comes across more easily. ESTPs might appear to be thinking or concentrating even more than they really are (I know I do come across like that), and ESFPs might appear to be really emotional and dramatic. Then IxSPs might appear to be really confident and intimidating, for example folding their arms and naturally having a confident posture. I usually feel like I have to not look at someone if they're doing this because they seem like they're trying to dare people to look at them.


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## Owfin (Oct 15, 2011)

Diphenhydramine said:


> One trick is to never be on the fence about anything, ever.


I should follow that. I'm a legendary ditherer. 

I think it's stuff like this that you can do to be more confident, not trying to "develop" a function. Or maybe you do develop that function, but it's more like a side effect of finding your own way to be confident. Myself, insisting on the Nike creed ("Just do it") helps tremendously.


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## thunder (Jun 15, 2011)

tine said:


> Thanks! Yeah I'm quite an underconfident person (lots of problems in earlier life and get held back by the mentality they gave me). I've never found myself relating to Fe descriptions at all, except unhealthy-ish style ones, and even then only bits of them.


Perhaps the question of confidence isn't one about cognitive functions, but about reflecting and coming to terms with the various problems in earlier life and the consequences of them? There are instances in which I want to just "get on with it" and say "the past is the past -- I can't change it, so why bother looking back" (Se-perspective) but I'm not internally okay with what what had happened or what it implies/shows about myself. Just a thought.

Function-wise, is it more important that you have internal order or external order in relations of your relationships with other people and the relationships between people that you know? That is, when a conflict arises between two of your close friends, how do you feel, think, and react? What is your instinctual reaction and how likely are you to act and intervene and for what reason(s) are you intervening?

Also, I found this rather helpful in distinguishing between Ti/Fi, once I actually read through it: http://www.erictb.info/temperament2ss.html


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