# Can a destroyed relationship be healed?



## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

Has anyone experienced a relationship which was really ill and destoryed so to speak and relivened it? How do you know when it's too late? I want to 'fix' it, but i don't know if it's mendable? What are some indicators to tell if it's too far gone to hold on to... advice from people who have experienced sometihng similar would be especially good.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

What are your reasons for wanting to fix the relationship?


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## Tophat182 (Feb 16, 2010)

No, not usually with my love life, but if you treated that person as family then there's that family love that will always be there.


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## jazziemia (Nov 16, 2010)

your ? Can a destroyed relationship be healed? the word can, always contains possibilites. destroyed..needs defining. who destroyed what, and are they sorry? or was it intentional? why did it happen? sometimes people do things because they feel unloved, or angry, or wanting to lash back. The healing part: comes through reconcilation. Conflict : brings resolution. Resolution bring Peace. Love and Forgiveness needs to be applied. The outcome: depends on E + R = O. E is the event , coupled with R...(either reaction /or response) which gives you the outcome. When reaction is part of the equation, usually the outcome is not favorable. A careful, wisely chosen response to a situation, or person, usually brings a better outcome. So, can a destroyed realtionship be healed? Yes. It takes 2 to make a realtionship, relating to one another in love and forgiveness everyday. 
My 1st husband of 18 yrs: commited adultry, he did not want forgiveness, though i was willing to apply it. His equation was 1+1=1..himself...I waited and prayed and did my best, until I felt God release me. I prayed for a 2nd husband, whom I have been with for 13 years. he had a 1x liason, and admitted it to me, rather than have me find outmyself. He asked for forgiveness. I prayed God would allow to me forgive, and I did. We moved on, and applied this principle everyday of our lives. THe example of Jesus, who forvage people their ignorancies, and violations, and was willing to sacrifice himself for them..has made me be a follower. That has made all the difference in my life. Yes, there is healing, yes there is peace...if you seek it, u will find it!:happy:


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## timeless (Mar 20, 2010)

It depends on whether or not the behavior that destroyed the relationship in the first place will perpetuate. It would need a long term solution that both people would be willing to put 100% of themselves into working on. Otherwise, things might be good in the short term but you'll have exactly the same problem down the road. Usually I'm of the opinion that if something doesn't work out, it doesn't work out and that's that... but things could potentially get mended if both people are willing to work for it.


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## wonderfert (Aug 17, 2010)

I've never experienced a repair in broken relationships. But I'd imagine you'd have to be willing to do so. I'm more content with just writing it off as failed and moving on. If you're both interested in repairing it, it may be possible.


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## Apollo Celestio (Mar 10, 2010)

Destruction is much easier than healing, but are they equal?


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## WildWinds (Mar 9, 2010)

Not sure, never tried. I guess it depends on the person. I honestly wouldn't bother. I have enough trouble learning to trust somebody as it is, never mind relearning to trust somebody that was neglectful or disrespectful towards me and broke the trust. 

If you're both committed and want the relationship to be fixed, then I suppose its possible. But I would advise going to couples therapy together. When it gets that bad, sometimes you automatically think the worst, and you get set in ways that have to be changed before progress can be made, otherwise it'll just hinder any efforts. A counselor can point that stuff out for you and provide you with exercises and activities to bond again, and can help you communicate to each other.


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## RedFairy (Aug 16, 2010)

I think it depends on the individuals involved, and on what it was that caused the damage. There is no blanket response.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> What are your reasons for wanting to fix the relationship?


I love him, what else???


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## RedFairy (Aug 16, 2010)

purplevelvetmask said:


> I love him, what else???


Well then, if both of you are willing to work at the relationship and repair the damage (assuming you're both willing to forgive and forget etc) I don't see why you can't fix it. 

Best of luck to you. :happy:


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

RedFairy said:


> Well then, if both of you are willing to work at the relationship and repair the damage (assuming you're both willing to forgive and forget etc) I don't see why you can't fix it.
> 
> Best of luck to you. :happy:


Right but he seems to despise me & we live together. I've started sleeping in the other room to give him some space. Is this a sign the relationship is irreparable?


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Why does he despise you?


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## InvisibleJim (Jun 30, 2009)

Doesn't sound destroyed; merely unsatisfactory. Why repair an unsatisfactory relationship; surely you would be wiser attempting to craft a new and more positive relationship?


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> Why does he despise you?


It's an extremely long story which would be very hard to explain. hmmm, the best way to describe it that he was my 'fix' so to speak as i was in a very bad place as a teenager when we began the relationship and he became my saviour and my growth point, i wounded him in the process as i was very, very damaged then and now i've healed, he's wounded and i feel almost like i'm about to be cut open and operated on... i don't know how to deal with him despising me.



InvisibleJim said:


> Doesn't sound destroyed; merely unsatisfactory. Why repair an unsatisfactory relationship; surely you would be wiser attempting to craft a new and more positive relationship?


What's the difference between a relationship that is destroyed and one that is unsatisfactory in your opinion then??


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## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

I'll give you an advice I don't always follow myself; Do what you feel is right.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

MikeAngell said:


> I'll give you an advice I don't always follow myself; Do what you feel is right.


I feel like I should stay with him & try to make up all that pain to him, but it's an incredible painful process to support all these people's pain that i created when i have no support left for myself. God bless Perc.


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## bionic (Mar 29, 2010)

Once it's over, then it is over. If it is destroyed then why put more energy into it? If he isn't going to aspire to grow with you again, then you are simply wasting your time.


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## purplevelvetmask (Feb 20, 2010)

RedFairy said:


> Well then, if both of you are willing to work at the relationship and repair the damage (assuming you're both willing to forgive and forget etc) I don't see why you can't fix it.
> 
> Best of luck to you. :happy:


thankyou, i appreciate it. i wish i could get rid of the numbness that is my existence at the moment though. I'm happy to endure it but it only makes his response to me worse when he comes home from work. I am not mean or nasty to him yet it seems being me just upsets him 



InvisibleJim said:


> Doesn't sound destroyed; merely unsatisfactory. Why repair an unsatisfactory relationship; surely you would be wiser attempting to craft a new and more positive relationship?





biocide said:


> Once it's over, then it is over. If it is destroyed then why put more energy into it? If he isn't going to aspire to grow with you again, then you are simply wasting your time.


Maybe it's the INTJ thing to take the easy way out??


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## njchick (Apr 8, 2010)

purplevelvetmask said:


> thankyou, i appreciate it. i wish i could get rid of the numbness that is my existence at the moment though. I'm happy to endure it but it only makes his response to me worse when he comes home from work. I am not mean or nasty to him yet it seems being me just upsets him



So clearly he is angry and resentful. Have you discussed with him whether or not he wants to work on the relationship?


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