# An INTJ who wants a friend



## GoGirl786 (Aug 4, 2015)

Hi,I'm a seventeen-year-old INTJ female,and I want a friend.But alas,how do I go about making friends when the people my age are either idiots or have there own group of friends.
I've been a third wheel almost all my life...
I'm also a type 5 if that will help you understand my dilemma a bit more.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

hola amigo:welcome:


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

Hello..


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## Proxybitch (Jul 28, 2015)

lol youre fucked. Good luck! 

If you discover any tips, do let us all know. And if youre cool with online friends, send me over a PM. Maybe we can exchange Skype ID's. =)

Ill try adding something, though: I often had kids try to "recruit" me, or groups around who are truly happy to have a random person join a conversation. Frankly, often you yourself are the only one holding yourself back from interacting with others.

I learned this after a year out of HS some friend telling me I always looked pissed off and hard to approach. Unintentionally shutting all approaches down quickly, etc. 

I suggest losing all shame, and when an interesting conversation comes up, just go all in and join. Just ... dont do it when the _only _thing you have to contribute are asshole remarks. Which can easily be often, I know.


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

Type 5? Yeah, I don't know.

Find a group of geeks but even then you're a 3rd wheel most likely.

Changing Enneagram is possible, but going from 3rd wheel status in life to not 3rd wheel? I've never done it myself.


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## kieap247 (Aug 4, 2015)

Woah! Im an INTJ, 5, and virgo. I am now 25 and accept that I am better off alone with few associates. Any time I thought I was developing a friendship I'd get taken for granted. I am my bestfriend. Hey when cloning is available I shall marry myself HAHAHAHA! Too much? Eh I love me 

Sent from my LGMS395 using Tapatalk


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## hauntology (Feb 12, 2012)

hey, INTx 6w5 here. I'll be your friend. I like friends occasionally. PM me and I'l skype you, cool?


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

To have a friend, _be_ a friend.


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

You may as well get used to the idea of keeping several cats nearby. LOL just kidding, hang out at a bookstore cafe, library or the horse race track.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

GoGirl786 said:


> Hi,I'm a seventeen-year-old INTJ female,and I want a friend.


As the rule of thumb, never "want" something that you supposed to have by nature. A mentor, a lover, a friend, etc. Sooner or later, those figures can and will find and (most importantly "keep") you if you are honestly appreciating their potential without being assertive or demanding. The problem of your mindset is enforcing roles to the people who are capable of faking many things to prove their social skills. The trick is approaching people without any expectations but recognizing their potential as individuals. 

Don't shop for a particular fruit if you want to learn growing things. There are many fruits but nobody is selling the progress. You need a friendship, not a friend. First, there will be a stranger. Then, you will be friends with him/her without any expectations. Eventually, you will realize that both of you have each other.



GoGirl786 said:


> But alas,how do I go about making friends when the people my age are either idiots or have there own group of friends.


Not ridiculing them because of their own ways and capacity to think would be a good start. You will never grow up if you stay inside of your comfort zone. Do you want to have ridiculously like-minded friends for rubbing each other's backs? Why? You already have yourself. Epiphanies require reasonable amount of exposure and trauma. You probably think that you solved everything but you didn't understand why they look and sound "that" stupid to you... You are intelligent but they are smarter.


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## Wulfex (Oct 9, 2014)

GoGirl786 said:


> Hi,I'm a seventeen-year-old INTJ female,and I want a friend.But alas,how do I go about making friends when the people my age are either idiots or have there own group of friends.
> I've been a third wheel almost all my life...
> I'm also a type 5 if that will help you understand my dilemma a bit more.


Good news! You're in high school, surrounded by peers and being an INTJ you probably don't have any issues with homework leaving you a lot of free time. Talk to people. Sit with different people at lunch.

I've gotten to a point in my life where people don't want me around anyway. Feels like at 22-23 years old, you're either supposed to be engaged or have kids already. I come here to talk to people now, so I don't feel alone very much. 

Hobbies are best though. You must like anime if you have one of the coolest characters in SAO as your avatar. Good luck! I'm in the process of sorting out people in my life.


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## Hero of Freedom (Nov 23, 2014)

Look for people or groups of people with common interests to you. Also possibly get a dog and befriend it if you can have one at where you live and yep I am serious just incase you misunderstand. Dogs make great companions/friends to people and are very affectionate + loyal animals.


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## HisPar (Jul 15, 2015)

stargazing grasshopper said:


> You may as well get used to the idea of keeping several cats nearby. LOL just kidding, hang out at a bookstore cafe, library or the horse race track.


Horse race track? That was random... lol.:laughing:


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## HisPar (Jul 15, 2015)

Dawn of the Light said:


> Look for people or groups of people with common interests to you. Also possibly get a dog and befriend it if you can have one at where you live and yep I am serious just incase you misunderstand. Dogs make great companions/friends to people and are very affectionate + loyal animals.


Plus, they're great conversation starters. One of the first steps to making a friend is to talk to the person of interest!


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## stargazing grasshopper (Oct 25, 2013)

HisPar said:


> Horse race track? That was random... lol.:laughing:


It was supposed to be humorous, alluding that a stray horse would be less likely to follow her home. Have you ever heard of a crazy horse lady?
yeah I know my sense of humor sucks.


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## HisPar (Jul 15, 2015)

Hmm, no your sense of humor is just fine! I would have never guessed the stray horse allusion though. Thanks for explaining.


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## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

Wulfex said:


> I've gotten to a point in my life where people don't want me around anyway. *Feels like at 22-23 years old, you're either supposed to be engaged or have kids already.* I come here to talk to people now, so I don't feel alone very much.


WHAT?! Since when?

Also, hi @GoGirl786.


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## WhoIsJake (Jun 2, 2015)

Friends are easy, but finding a wifey?...impossible.


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## HermioneG (Jul 1, 2015)

I think I am INTJ. I am pretty certain my son is - and likely a 5 as well. He is 15. Neither of us have ever really wanted lots of friends but always want to fit in somehow, somewhere. He was struggling to fit in in a couple of his classes (freshman in junior math and science). He often worked alone during group work. I told him to pick a group with someone he kind of knew from band and ask for help. He didn't need the help, but it helped him have a reason to approach them. He made some new friends that way.. So maybe find something they're good at or you admire about them and ask for help or information about whatever it is. Who knows?


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## Wulfex (Oct 9, 2014)

ScientiaOmnisEst said:


> WHAT?! Since when?


Well, most people I know have dated one person in their life and are now married. Also, I live in Utah. So if you're >24yrs, you should have a kid already. Oh organized religion!


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