# everyones opinion on gossip?



## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

I saw a forum in the INFJ section about if you liked gossiping or not, and the response was mostly negative. I want to find out if any types will admit to liking gossip!
Gossip is simply talking about other people, which we all do quite regularly. It can be good or bad or even neutral.
Im not saying spreading rumours, but stuff like "Did you hear Sue slept with Bobby? wow!" or "did you hear Annie got fired after 3 days at her new job! what a crazy girl!"


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## Agelastos (Jun 1, 2014)

INTP. Definitely not. I'm usually the one telling others not to talk about people behind their backs.

I'm just not that interested in other people, or their private affairs.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

ESFJ, only about people I don't like, never about friends.


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## Nitsazd (Jul 24, 2014)

INFP. Gossiping is one of the most annoying and ugly things about people (in my opinion).
I think you should either tell the person that you have a problem with their actions, or just keep it to yourself.


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## baby blue me (May 9, 2014)

Nitsazd said:


> INFP. Gossiping is one of the most annoying and ugly things about people (in my opinion).
> I think you should either tell the person that you have a problem with their actions, or just keep it to yourself.


This is worse: Someone who says the problem right into your face but still gossips about it with others. Like, seriously? I'm like, get a life! Oh, that's your life.

UGH! #itshappeningtoday


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## hailfire (Dec 16, 2012)

Depends on the definition of "gossip" that's being talked about here... Even though of course there are the very straightforward parts about it, there are things some people generally consider as gossip others might disagree on and vice versa.


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## Sharpnel (Aug 3, 2014)

It is such a waste of time to gossip—also seems like a frivolous thing to do, to do.


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## Nitsazd (Jul 24, 2014)

baby blue me said:


> This is worse: Someone who says the problem right into your face but still gossips about it with others. Like, seriously? I'm like, get a life! Oh, that's your life.
> 
> UGH! #itshappeningtoday


Lol yeah, it's ironic how the biggest gossipers tend to have a lot of self-issues.

Although I think it's partly a cultural thing. At my work I have seen older women gossiping like there's no tomorrow, about anyone and everyone. They're Eastern European, and it seems it's a pastime for them.


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## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

Nitsazd said:


> They're Eastern European, and it seems it's a pastime for them.


im eastern european... whoops.


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## Nitsazd (Jul 24, 2014)

laura palmer said:


> im eastern european... whoops.


Me too, yet I hate gossiping. So I'm not sure what it is!


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## herinb (Aug 24, 2013)

I know this one guy who gossips ALL THE TIME. And he has bad hair. No volume. Probably Eastern European too...I heard they were gossipers. :wink:


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## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

Nitsazd said:


> Me too, yet I hate gossiping. So I'm not sure what it is!


I just started thinking of in OITNB when Red is trying to fit in with the other eastern euopean ladys...


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## Nitsazd (Jul 24, 2014)

laura palmer said:


> I just started thinking of in OITNB when Red is trying to fit in with the other eastern euopean ladys...


LOL I love how she says "ohh shit"

I haven't watched this show, although someone recommended it to me not too long ago.


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## Squirrel (Jun 14, 2014)

I*NT*J. I hate it...totally against it; won't even read magazines or anything of that sort. If it doesn't come from the horses mouth, I don't want to hear it.


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## Nitsazd (Jul 24, 2014)

herinb said:


> Probably Eastern European too...I heard they were gossipers. :wink:


Haha great, now all the Eastern Europeans will be out to get me.


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## mony (Jun 18, 2014)

I'm guilty of doing it occasionally, but I regret it every time. It is unacceptable and should end.


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## Imaginary Friend (Sep 17, 2013)

I don't like gossip/gossiping. It's often a hideous version of the whispering game 'Telephone' as the information becomes more distorted and convoluted. I know from first-hand experience during elementary and middle school when students blabbered behind my back about my race, gender, and family. It was awful and brutal.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Gossip is simply talking about other people, which we all do quite regularly. It can be good or bad or even neutral.

The question sounds more like: "Do you like talking? Yes, no, or sometimes?", unless you mean specifically "harmful gossip", which is talking about someone in a way that will mostly likely reflect negatively on them, and possibly on yourself as well, depending on who's listening. Then there is "slander", which is specifically gossip that isn't actually true, so it's lying about other people...also gossip, but the worst kind.

The good thing about any kind of gossip is it's entirely up to the listener if they believe it or not, or if it effects their opinion of the person in question or not. We may not be able to stop other people from gossiping, but we can decide to be good examples and check with people about the gossip we hear about them before believing it.


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## Azelll (Jan 19, 2011)

Gossip is stupid, usually involves a topic which is none of the people business who are involved in the spread of gossip so it's something you shouldn't comment on or spread because no one ever knows the full story. It ruins peoples lives and most often isolates the person being gossiped about, seems very anti-social and an evil tactic among social groups and is practically bullying.


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## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Gossip is simply talking about other people, which we all do quite regularly. It can be good or bad or even neutral.
> 
> The question sounds more like: "Do you like talking? Yes, no, or sometimes?", unless you mean specifically "harmful gossip", which is talking about someone in a way that will mostly likely reflect negatively on them, and possibly on yourself as well, depending on who's listening. Then there is "slander", which is specifically gossip that isn't actually true, so it's lying about other people...also gossip, but the worst kind.
> 
> The good thing about any kind of gossip is it's entirely up to the listener if they believe it or not, or if it effects their opinion of the person in question or not. We may not be able to stop other people from gossiping, but we can decide to be good examples and check with people about the gossip we hear about them before believing it.


This what I am getting at. Its hard to know what some people considor gossiping, or what is not gossiping to them. My definition of gossip is basic stuff like _"Did you hear Sue hooked up with Bobby even though Bobby is still with Amy?"_ or _"She is crazy, and got fired after 3 days! Can you believe it?"_ To me, thats normal. Youre going to want to talk about the lives of those around you. Im not saying spread rumours, but having chit chat about your environment and the events which go on in it isnt harmful, its what people do.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

laura palmer said:


> This what I am getting at. Its hard to know what some people considor gossiping, or what is not gossiping to them. My definition of gossip is basic stuff like _"Did you hear Sue hooked up with Bobby even though Bobby is still with Amy?"_ or _"She is crazy, and got fired after 3 days! Can you believe it?"_ To me, thats normal. Youre going to want to talk about the lives of those around you. Im not saying spread rumours, but having chit chat about your environment and the events which go on in it isnt harmful, its what people do.


It's just a confusion of definition. A lot of people don't know what the word "gossip" is actually defined as, and so they simply see it as the negative stuff.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

I am against it, but there have been times where I found myself in the thick of it. I really don't like to talk about someone behind their backs. I'd much prefer to say whatever I think about them to their faces.


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## Saira (Feb 2, 2012)

ISTP. Never understood the people who have to gossip. The only times I "gossip" is when I have a really important information about someone which could help someone else. I could never badmouth someone out of boredom, dislike or hatred, but then I hate complaining anyways. I think people likely to gossip are those who like complaining.


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## Wonszu (Sep 25, 2013)

Nitsazd said:


> Me too, yet I hate gossiping. So I'm not sure what it is!


Central European from Easter Block <sigh> aka Poland. I hate gossiping to and I get annoyed by it pretty quickly buuut I guess people are referring to elders (both males and females) who really don't have much to do beside gossiping. 

I will add older ladies from UK. They gossip aaaall the time  I know it's true, TV told me so.


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## baby blue me (May 9, 2014)

hailfire said:


> Depends on the definition of "gossip" that's being talked about here... Even though of course there are the very straightforward parts about it, there are things some people generally consider as gossip others might disagree on and vice versa.


I thought so. It's true that a lot of time is wasted by not defining terms. So that's what I should do... Waste time. I mean, define my terms. A gossip for me is the dispersion of information about a person due to malicious intent/s. The information may be true, half true, or false. The malicious intent encompasses but is not limited to jealousy and/ vilifying.


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## baby blue me (May 9, 2014)

Wonszu said:


> Central European from Easter Block <sigh> aka Poland. I hate gossiping to and I get annoyed by it pretty quickly buuut I guess people are referring to elders (both males and females) who really don't have much to do beside gossiping.
> 
> I will add older ladies from UK. They gossip aaaall the time  I know it's true, TV told me so.


Hm. I don't think this is becasue of the race though. I'm thinking that it's more of the personality. Why? There are people who talk about others and it's so subtle that I won't even consider it as gossiping. The intention would also play an important role. 

Ugh. Writing about this is so frustrating. I have someone at work who does not want to join our group though she is a co-member. She participates at work in a minimal level and does not go out with us. I'm fine with that but the next day, she craves for all the information we might have talked about, especially those that are personal. She may just be curious if we might've talked about her but she also asks about others and before I know it, I'm already gossiping about her now. Am I or am I not? Anyway, i should stahp.


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## ALongTime (Apr 19, 2014)

It depends on what you mean by gossip. I have no problem with talking about people, as long as it's not malicious or could harm the person... Sometimes you could be talking about how you can help a person, or sharing something that you want to get an opinion on so you know how best to deal with a person, would that still be gossip? It's never acceptable to do anything malicious or spread false stories. I think first-hand is fine, but I would never relay stories second hand because you can't trust the reliability of the information. I'm not talking about telling anything that's strictly confidential or overly personal; don't share anything that you wouldn't want shared if it was about yourself, I think that's a good rule of thumb.


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## mikan (May 25, 2014)

Lol, gossips are exciting.


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## prplchknz (Nov 30, 2010)

depends on who it is. if the person gossipped first than they're fair game, but if the person is minding their own business and you want to gossip about her shoes or drag her name across the mud and call her rachet, then no i don't like it. 

basically, is it to vent and you're being truthful? then yeah that's fine

is it to destroy their rep and making stuff up? then no it's not


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Everyone loves gossip whether they admit it or not

xSFJ


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## laura palmer (Feb 10, 2014)

Living dead said:


> Everyone loves gossip whether they admit it or not
> 
> xSFJ


i love ur avator! cant wait for her new album!


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## 0+n*1 (Sep 20, 2013)

Reports about people are very common. We all do it from time to time. Should we care about it? Maybe not if we are measuring it up against issues that are more important, but it isn't strictly something harmful. I believe that everybody should care about their own business, but that doesn't exempt me from caring about other people, because I love them or like them and I wanna know they are doing good in life or they are not. I guess it is cool to say 'I don't care about others at all and I only talk about topics of greater significance' and guess what, you're right, I can't say anything against that, to each their own. It can be very shameful to realize you were investing yourself in trivial matters or in people that weren't you and I have and I am. It would be great to have your time and talents not wasted like that.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

laura palmer said:


> i love ur avator! cant wait for her new album!


Thanks!roud:
Hopefully the new one won't be too close to home like the last one was:tongue:


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## Stasis (May 6, 2014)

No, I don't like gossip. If I'm not part of the problem or the solution, I don't want to be involved at all.

I'm very fond of those who choose to be wise in speech (James 3).


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## Bahburah (Jul 25, 2013)

I was honest with myself and put sometimes. Let me explain:

I don't gossip and think it's petty, yet people who do gossip with each other usually build deeper bonds (altho it might be all they can do together is gossip) with each other and so that can't be ignored, yet once you get into that you always have to be "on" and aware of whats going on (I can see why extraverts love this shit).

Theres also positive gossip like word of mouth, and really the world would look very different if this "gossip system" wasn't apart of our existence. 

You almost can't even imagine humans evolving past the Neanderthal stage as "gossip" would have been a HUGE survival advantage. Humans (Neanderthals) would not trust each other or trust too much for any kind of advantageous community to forum.

In short humans are social for evolutionary reasons, and being social brings "gossip" (really any kind of web of information).

So like it or not you wouldn't be alive today if it were not for that, and at some point one of your ancestors was really good a dealing with gossip and that is why they survived.


On a personal level it's like who cares?

I think the real lesson here is to not give an INTP a maybe option.


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## AidanOfSweden (Sep 16, 2014)

ISFJ here, I like the latest gossip, albeit positive. I do not like hearing negative gossip about someone I care for.


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## Agelastos (Jun 1, 2014)

I guess we have very different opinions on what constitutes "gossip".

Of course I talk about people who aren't present from time to time (but never very rarely to mock or insult them behind their backs). That doesn't mean that I partake in gossip.
IMO, gossip has to involve information of a personal or intimate nature; information that (if true) the subject would rather keep secret.
Often, it's about repeating hearsay without verifying the facts first. Spreading rumors, basically.


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## Im FiNe (Oct 17, 2013)

laura palmer said:


> This what I am getting at. Its hard to know what some people considor gossiping, or what is not gossiping to them. My definition of gossip is basic stuff like _"Did you hear Sue hooked up with Bobby even though Bobby is still with Amy?"_ or _"She is crazy, and got fired after 3 days! Can you believe it?"_ ...


Discussions about peoples' failings so as to stand in judgment over them (when not one's job and when it is one's job then only that based upon verifiable and valid information) is gossip. I understand gossip only as being negative. Positive gossip is an oxymoron. Gossip is often based upon rumor. Gossip is often sensationalized. Gossip does not seek the best for the other person.

_Ben lives on the corner in the green house._ This is not gossip. If a false statement, then it would be a lie; it would not be gossip.

_She got fired after 3 days. Can you believe it?_ [Unspoken: Isn't she a loser?] This is gossip. It may factually & historically portray what happened to her, but it demeans her while building oneself up in juxtaposition. It is being judgmental. If the gossip net were wide enough, then this would be social bullying.

_She got fired. I'm going to see her at 3:00 to let her know that I care. Would you like to come along, too?_ This is not gossip. The intention of sharing the distress of another in seeking to help the distressed person changes the quality of the communication.

If sharing information about another person intentionally leads to benefitting that person, then it is not gossip. If a person is acting out of sorts, then the best course of action to take is to offer your availability to the person for help should they desire it. If you are unwilling to be a source of support and help to that other person, then rumor mongering, conjecturing, and the like will only serve to make a bad situation (if one even exists) worse.

Speak the truth in love.


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## blood roots (Oct 29, 2013)

INFJ, leave it. I'm usually the person watching all the shit go down from the sidelines. I'd rather not partake.


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## Bazinga187 (Aug 7, 2011)

laura palmer said:


> Youre going to want to talk about the lives of those around you. Im not saying spread rumours, but having chit chat about your environment and the events which go on in it isnt harmful, its what people do.


This is my opinion on gossip, so I voted yes. 

Threads like this make me wonder if I'm even an NT.


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## Loaf (Mar 27, 2014)

ISTP, and I hate it, don't have time for it either.


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