# Depressed and Feeling Like a Burden to My family



## Kintsugi

BlissfulDreams said:


> Thank you for all of your suggestions. It seems like whenever I see a doctor or psychiatrist, I'm not in an incredibly depressive mood and they think I'm okay. But I know how bad I can be and I know they aren't seeing it.


I've had similar experiences with doctors in the past regarding mental health issues. The only way I could get some health care professionals to take me seriously was by trying to assert myself quite firmly, in order to be heard. Now, this doesn't come easily or naturally for me (It's even harder when you are feeling depressed/anxious) Fortunately, I have some very strong-willed people around me who were able to step in and take charge when I was unable to (my mum is a battle-axe...I'm so lucky I have her) Is there anybody close to you that might be able to support you when seeking medical advice perhaps?


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## Near Lawliet

Seems you got a lot of advice... not sure what else to add. How are you doing?


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## scott

Not even being able to motivate yourself to get out of bed is a classic symptom of depression. i'm not going to say you're definitely depressed because a) there's no way any of us members would know for sure if you are and b) none of us *i assume* are qualified to give you a diagnosis. to get yourself a diagnosis you need to visit your GP and explain everything you said in this thread to him/her.

in my opinion (which probably doesnt amount to much!) you need to find yourself a focus in life... something you truly enjoy doing and something that makes you want to get out of bed. Something that ultimately could help to take your mind out of the situation you've found yourself in and starts to put you in a better place. This could be anything.... starting a job search, organizing day trips for you and some friends, drawing, making music....etc.etc. 
You were right when you said you should feel complete in yourself. You can't live a life trying to be happy for anyone else but yourself. You should feel happy and complete being you, FOR you. if you're feeling low it gives off vibes that people around you pick up on. as soon as you start to feel happy in yourself, it's a vice-versa...people will pick up on the good vibes and you'll start to notice a change in the people around you, too. they'll react more positively towards and around you. 
nobody can change a situation you find yourself stuck in apart from yourself. you need to take steps towards change... and sometimes the first step is visiting a doctor for help and advice, then going from there. there's nothing wrong with it and it's nothing to be ashamed of. 
You're only one year older than myself... (although some wouldn't ), I consider myself to still be young. There's still plenty of time for my life and it's path to alter and change. i still have time to change within myself, make new decisions, take new career paths, meet new people, create new relationships and friendships, find a happier & more fulfilling place to be in... _and you do too._


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## Ćerulean

Pat yourself on the shoulder for taking the first step to reach out to others; that shows courage and a desire to make things better for yourself. I am not bipolar but I am going through a rather unhappy time in my life so I can relate to your feelings and have a couple suggestions you may find useful.

You said you like sleeping + your name is BlissfulDreams so I think you could really benefit from learning to lucid dream - being able to control the outcome of your dreams while realizing that you are dreaming. Here is a good book on the subject that is not expensive at all that I gave to my sister which got great reviews. Read the reviews and you'll have a better understanding of what it is all about. Amazon.com: Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming (9780345374103): Stephen LaBerge, Howard Rheingold: Books

It says - among many other things - that you can use lucid dreams to find solutions to personal problems and gain more confidence in yourself. 

Another thing is... as cheesy as it may sound, I think it would help you to listen to some "happy" music. I guess this could vary depending on the genre but I got a few recommendations of music that could help you to free yourself from this depressive time. lol just go into an empty field with your mp3 player and headphones and play at full blast and dance around without a care in the world: 














































OK I really should stop before I get more carried away searching for youtube videos than I already am. xD nom favorites nom Always make me feel good in times of sorrow~

Man was it fun coming up with a list of youtube music videos cuz that meant I got the nostalgia of going through my old last.fm account and my top played artists on there. Fun fun.  

Post-Script: Find an ENFJ and/or an ENFP. They make everything fun in my experience.


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## BlissfulDreams

@KookyTookie My dad is the strong-willed one in my family. He seems to love arguing with people. Haha. But unfortunately he isn't much help when it comes to doctors' appointments. I don't like my parents to sit in with me as it makes me feel like a child.

For a while, I wasn't being treated seriously by my doctors. I had so many health problems and no one knew what was going on. One doctor even thought I was making it all up for attention. (I don't really blame him though. I was hypomanic and delirious and was saying really stupid things that would make anyone wonder what the hell was going on. I even mentioned my dog's bowel movements.)

I had to wait several months to see a psychiatrist and thankfully there have been no problems with her. She is willing to work with me and if something doesn't work with my body, she's quick to switch it. She doesn't make me suffer through the side effects like some doctors. 

Another good thing is that my mom is a nurse and so she can tell when doctors aren't doing their jobs properly. So she has been a go-to for advice.


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## BlissfulDreams

Near Lawliet said:


> Seems you got a lot of advice... not sure what else to add. How are you doing?


I'm actually feeling good today. Nothing changed externally for me over the last couple of days and so I'm inclined to believe that there's something wonky going on in my body right now. Hormonal changes, probably.

But it was a good day, so I'm going with that. I don't need to analyze it to much. I'm just thankful that I didn't feel as bad as I've been feeling for the last few weeks.




scott said:


> Not even being able to motivate yourself to get out of bed is a classic symptom of depression.


Yes, I realize this. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and Social Anxiety Disorder when I was 11 years old. My medications just made things worse and my current psychiatrist thinks I have bipolar disorder. No one knows for sure and the process of finding out and seeking treatment is exhausting.



> in my opinion (which probably doesnt amount to much!) you need to find yourself a focus in life... something you truly enjoy doing and something that makes you want to get out of bed. Something that ultimately could help to take your mind out of the situation you've found yourself in and starts to put you in a better place. This could be anything.... starting a job search, organizing day trips for you and some friends, drawing, making music....etc.etc.


Yes, this is exactly what I am finding difficult. There is very little that brings me joy and if I try to come up with ideas right now, I draw a blank. I know I need to find something that drives me, but I don't know how to find it. I don't feel like experimenting with new things when I feel like my emotions are so volatile. Unfortunately, I lack any sort of artistic or musical talent and I have a very difficult time making friends. (I hate the process of slowly getting to know someone and deciding to become friends. I'd rather know right from the start if they are worth getting to know so that I don't waste my time and energy.)



> You were right when you said you should feel complete in yourself. You can't live a life trying to be happy for anyone else but yourself. You should feel happy and complete being you, FOR you.


I agree with this.



> if you're feeling low it gives off vibes that people around you pick up on. as soon as you start to feel happy in yourself, it's a vice-versa...people will pick up on the good vibes and you'll start to notice a change in the people around you, too. they'll react more positively towards and around you.


I agree with this too and perhaps this is part of one of my many complexes. I am comfortable not being noticed because it's been that way for most of my life. I was "her", "that girl", "she", and even "it". It scares me to think that others will see me. What will they see? I don't want to attract attention to myself and perhaps this is a major part of what is holding me back from not only growing as an individual but also from experiencing life.



> sometimes the first step is visiting a doctor for help and advice, then going from there. there's nothing wrong with it and it's nothing to be ashamed of.


I have already taken that step and am seeing a psychiatrist.



> You're only one year older than myself... (although some wouldn't ), I consider myself to still be young. There's still plenty of time for my life and it's path to alter and change. i still have time to change within myself, make new decisions, take new career paths, meet new people, create new relationships and friendships, find a happier & more fulfilling place to be in... _and you do too._


I'm glad you see it like that. When I am feeling better, I see things that way too. I likely have many years ahead of me and who really cares if I'm a few years behind others who are my age? Those years I spent working and trying to live by myself were learning experiences and helped make me who I am today.

However, I'm surrounded by people who are relationship obsessed and feel like they need everything set up for their whole life by the time they are 25. Marriage, house, kid... everything. It's so stressful and I don't want that life. But I feel like it's being forced upon me.


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## BlissfulDreams

Ćerulean;2116089 said:


> Pat yourself on the shoulder for taking the first step to reach out to others; that shows courage and a desire to make things better for yourself. I am not bipolar but I am going through a rather unhappy time in my life so I can relate to your feelings and have a couple suggestions you may find useful.


Thanks for your advice. It truly sucks to feel depressed and I hope that you can come out of your own depression/unhappy time in life soon.



> You said you like sleeping + your name is BlissfulDreams so I think you could really benefit from learning to lucid dream - being able to control the outcome of your dreams while realizing that you are dreaming.





> It says - among many other things - that you can use lucid dreams to find solutions to personal problems and gain more confidence in yourself.


My username was based upon goals for myself. I wanted to feel empowered to achieve my dreams (though I don't know what those are anymore) and to be in a state of self-acceptance and bliss. I have heard of lucid dreaming before and sometimes am aware that I am dreaming when I'm asleep. However, any time I try to manipulate what is happening, I fail at doing so. And it may say something about what you mentioned above - that it could symbolize my lack of confidence in myself.



> Another thing is... as cheesy as it may sound, I think it would help you to listen to some "happy" music. I guess this could vary depending on the genre but I got a few recommendations of music that could help you to free yourself from this depressive time.


Thank you for your music recommendations. I definitely find that music helps me. It can be so soothing sometimes. I love listening to calming instrumentals when I want to relax and whimsical folk music when I feel random or happy. World music also makes me ridiculously happy sometimes. But when I'm really down, nothing can really get me up. Not even chocolate.



> lol just go into an empty field with your mp3 player and headphones and play at full blast and dance around without a care in the world


I loved doing that in the spring and summer. It's fun to randomly run or spin like a little kid. I used to blast my music while on the bus (though not obnoxiously) and let the rhythms flow through my body. I'd be left beaming and giddy and make people wonder why I was so happy. It was great.



> Find an ENFJ and/or an ENFP. They make everything fun in my experience.


It would be nice if I could find one but I am pretty much a loner. I can go months at school without saying a word to anyone. I just don't feel bothered.


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## Near Lawliet

My offer still stands if you want to talk about it in PM or if anything comes up, just post it in here. Wish the best. ^^


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## Koran Angel

BlissfulDreams said:


> I'm dealing with a lot of crap right now and I need some advice. (Though it's embarrassing that I'm making a thread about it.)
> 
> Right now, it's hard for me to get out of bed. I'm sleeping an average of about 12 hours a night and I have naps during the day. Sleeping has always been a sort of safe place for me where I could get away from the thoughts swirling around in my head.
> 
> Right now, there's nothing that motivates me. I don't care about the normal things that everyone seems to want. I don't care about having the biggest and best things or showing off to other people. I'm not motivated enough to want the best job that pays the most money. (Money doesn't matter to me as long as I have enough to provide for myself.) I don't care about finding someone special to complete me. (I think that I should be able to feel complete without anyone else.)
> 
> So, I'm left with a complete lack of motivation or anything to aspire to. I have no idea what I want in life and everything seems to be pointless.
> 
> I still live at home and so I feel like a huge burden to my family but I know that there's no way I could provide for myself like this.
> 
> I feel terrible. I feel like a disgusting waste of space and most days I sit around wondering why I'm still here.
> 
> *I would appreciate it if you all could give me examples of what you aspire to and what keeps you going when things get tough. *Thank you.


What are you clinging to?


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## BlissfulDreams

Koran Angel said:


> What are you clinging to?


What do you mean? What keeps me from killing myself?

If that's your question, it's guilt. I know that if I did kill myself that I would hurt my family and my friends. I personally would be devastated if someone I know did it and I wouldn't want to traumatize anyone.


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## Koran Angel

BlissfulDreams said:


> What do you mean? What keeps me from killing myself?
> 
> If that's your question, it's guilt. I know that if I did kill myself that I would hurt my family and my friends. I personally would be devastated if someone I know did it and I wouldn't want to traumatize anyone.


No, that's not what I mean. Although it does cause a tremendous amount of pain to lose someone you love. There is always, always potential to be as happy as possible in the near future.

What I'm saying is, what are you clinging to that's making you so depressed? When people have hatred or depression it's because they're clinging to something or someone or some idea. Something has to have happened in your past to have fucked everything up.

This is strange, but answer it if you can. Really try and think for me! :happy:


how much do you love your mom on a scale of 1-10?

how much do you think your mom loves you on a scale of 1-10?

how much do you love your dad on a scale of 1-10?

how much do you think your dad loves you on a scale of 1-10?


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## blueandviolet

Hi there, I just want to say that your post struck a chord for me. I'm just about your age, recent college grad, moved back in with my parents. For a good four months I was doing nothing. I had quit my job, and wasn't looking for another. I was completely miserable, and hated being home (because, similarly, my family life has not always been great.) While I won't say that I totally understand how you feel, I can really relate. And I feel for you.

Now, I've been working since August in a temporary job. And I'm just about to try and find something more meaningful. I know it doesn't help much to hear people on the other side saying "you'll make it here! I did it!" I know depression (and bipolar etc) waxes and wanes. I don't feel totally "cured", I expect to have more bumps in the road. But I will tell you some small things that helped me....

Folks here are right when they talk about some of the behavioral stuff that can start to alter your motivation. I found that *simply getting out to walk around the block* every day was a big boost. No weight lifting or running at this point, as it sounds you need to get the health issues sorted through. But eventually I started lifting, and man, that feels great. But a simple walk really alters your perspective for a bit. Sure, I would get home, talk of my tennies, and then just sit there in an empty house, with nothing to do. That's not fun. But at least I had a little more energy. And each has the potential to build on the last, until your walks are longer and more refreshing. (I had to be mindful not to beat up on myself for skipping a day/week. And it helps if you *can* have someone else to go with you occasionally.)

I also joined an online dating site. Even if you leave your picture off, and share just a bit about yourself. (and be safe!) It's kinda fun to interact with people, and see that others find you interesting based on your profile. It does happen. And eventually it could coax you to meet up with someone for coffee..you never know!

Also, if you can get even a part time job, at a library, perhaps,...that can help.

I guess I would advise against digging deep about family issues, and asking yourself questions about amount of love. There is a time for that, when you're feeling better. But now is just about comforting yourself, and finding small ways to make changes. Very small. Finding your "purpose" is also not something you should even worry about right now. I know I was prone (still am) to worry about this. It will come, and you can take more proactive steps when you're feeling better. Don't worry about purpose, or passion, or vocation. Just focus on comforting yourself. And, above all- be kind to yourself.


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## ItsRelative

Existential depression can be hard, you just have to find other values to replace your old ones so you can get motivated again.
Live for others if you can't live for yourself until you find balance. You could start by helping your mother, it makes both of you happy


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