# Homosexual in love with me! Need advice.



## Renogod (Oct 31, 2009)

Ok, heres the deal, theres this gay "homesexual" if you want to be politically correct,though i'm not sure if it is  :crying:

Who, admited that he likes, me ok, let me rephrase that loves me, says that he wants to marry, and he's only known me for about a month, and we only have hanged out only 3 times. Me being the ENFP I am say simply say " thats nice complement" sigh. The otehr part of my brain was like wtf! Also he knows i'm straight. Worst part of this, he's still hitting on me....

Now how to do i put it to him nicely, thogh i have a feeling its going to have to be the straigth-forward approach....

Well the question is, is there any way to soften the blow? I do like the guy, as person, as a friend, but nothing more. 

-Also do you think i have to end ties with him? Though he is in my class..... i can avoid him like the bubonic plauge. 


Anyways if you have a heart, please help me, i know it sounds silly but * i'll give you hug * lol

though the lightning bolts are not included


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## Selene (Aug 2, 2009)

First, are you certain that he's gay? I've told guys that I love them and want to marry them, and I'm pretty straight. It could just be an over-the-top compliment like, "Oh wow, you're my favorite person in the whole world!"

Eh, but if you're really sure that he's serious...you don't have to end ties with him. Just tell him that you're heterosexual, you're not interested in a romantic relationship, but you like him as a friend.

If you have the attitude that it's okay for him to feel that way, and that he's not the bubonic plague, that will make everything easier. I would just see it as totally analogous to what you would do if a girl liked you and you didn't like her back.


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

Oh wow, if he is seriously in love with you I am not sure he'd actually back off, even if you told him straight to his face. Somebody who is in love can be quite the fighter, especially if desperate or strong-willed. 

Now you could say "If I was gay, I'd consider it, but I am not", but something like that would only give him hope (he = in love and then all he sees is "I consider". Ugh). So what you most likely will have to do is to put it really direct. But even then - again - he might not accept it, depending on how much in love he is. 
Well, if he doesn't get a "I am sorry, I am straight and I am only interested in girls", you might have to take some distance, so it can cool off. Though, with him being in your class that is gonna be a bit hard. Not to mention that you guys (ENFPs) are often way too nice with this stuff and it is hard for you to do "mean things" like that, right? I know it because of my ENFP friend. Heh. 

A "fun" way (for you at least) would be to get a female friend to act as your girlfriend and do "relationship-typical" stuff in front of him to create some distance. But this might end up hitting him REALLY hard (as I said, it's kinda a mean way =P). So I wouldn't consider that.

I'd say telling him once more "loud and clear" (not yelling, just in a normal tone) and if it doesn't work, some distance. People usually do understand that.

As much as you wanna spare his feelings, it is also important he doesn't keep his hopes up. And a "bad hit" in the early stage now is gonna keep him less sad than if he has already superhigh hopes and you tell him then. So do it now; not later =3


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## Renogod (Oct 31, 2009)

Selene said:


> First, are you certain that he's gay? I've told guys that I love them and want to marry them, and I'm pretty straight. It could just be an over-the-top compliment like, "Oh wow, you're my favorite person in the whole world!"
> 
> Eh, but if you're really sure that he's serious...you don't have to end ties with him. Just tell him that you're heterosexual, you're not interested in a romantic relationship, but you like him as a friend.
> 
> ...


Ok lol i understand you skeptism, but he seriously 

a) told me he was gay-i asked or rather, i found out, rather akwardly, and i rather not get into that.

b) he admited that he wanted to marry me, no joke. Said i was "perfect for him"

c)....yeah ....lol





vanWinchester said:


> Oh wow, if he is seriously in love with you I am not sure he'd actually back off, even if you told him straight to his face. Somebody who is in love can be quite the fighter, especially if desperate or strong-willed.
> 
> Now you could say "If I was gay, I'd consider it, but I am not", but something like that would only give him hope (he = in love and then all he sees is "I consider". Ugh). So what you most likely will have to do is to put it really direct. But even then - again - he might not accept it, depending on how much in love he is.
> Well, if he doesn't get a "I am sorry, I am straight and I am only interested in girls", you might have to take some distance, so it can cool off. Though, with him being in your class that is gonna be a bit hard. Not to mention that you guys (ENFPs) are often way too nice with this stuff and it is hard for you to do "mean things" like that, right? I know it because of my ENFP friend. Heh.
> ...


Are you sure, i can't run three laps, and avoid hurting him, cause i think what you said was "If I was gay, I'd consider it, but I am not", sums up, what i said......

Now i believe i gave him false hopes, and now he spams every now and then... txt messages.

yes i know we enfps are to nice about it arghhhhh!


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## vanWinchester (May 29, 2009)

Renogod said:


> Are you sure, i can't run three laps, and avoid hurting him, cause i think what you said was "If I was gay, I'd consider it, but I am not", sums up, what i said......
> Now i believe i gave him false hopes, and now he spams every now and then... txt messages.!


Well it has already happened now. You can't change THAT, but you can stop making him more hopes. So again, approach him (tell him you wanna talk about this or so) and then tell him it is flattering, but you are not interested. You are into girls and that you can only offer a friendship (eventually you also wanna tell him what exactly that means, so he doesn't think of any loopholes or so). If he accepts, it's good. If not, you should go to "Plan B" and keep some distance to make him understand. You eventually also want to tell him that when you talk to him. "If you can't accept being only friends I will have to take consequences" or so. 
I know it's hard for you (seriously, you ENFPs are WAY TOO NICE), but again, rather "kick his nuts" now that it is still "fresh" than when he is even MORE serious and actually thinks there is a REAL chance. Because then it will not only be a bitch to make him understand that it won't work, it will also be WAY more painful for him. So again, do it now. o.o


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## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

how about this.

pretend you didn't write that and look at it again, taking out the gay angle and pretending a girl wrote it. girls are hit on and pursued by guys they are friendly with but are not even remotely attracted to all the time. 

what advice would you give a girl who wrote that or is in that situation?


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## Renogod (Oct 31, 2009)

vanWinchester said:


> Well it has already happened now. You can't change THAT, but you can stop making him more hopes. So again, approach him (tell him you wanna talk about this or so) and then tell him it is flattering, but you are not interested. You are into girls and that you can only offer a friendship (eventually you also wanna tell him what exactly that means, so he doesn't think of any loopholes or so). If he accepts, it's good. If not, you should go to "Plan B" and keep some distance to make him understand. You eventually also want to tell him that when you talk to him. "If you can't accept being only friends I will have to take consequences" or so.
> I know it's hard for you (seriously, you ENFPs are WAY TOO NICE), but again, rather "kick his nuts" now that it is still "fresh" than when he is even MORE serious and actually thinks there is a REAL chance. Because then it will not only be a bitch to make him understand that it won't work, it will also be WAY more painful for him. So again, do it now. o.o


 
Ok, i'll do it the next time i see him.....

thank you....Just again- pain...lots of pain, i can see it argh!





Lepthe said:


> how about this.
> 
> pretend you didn't write that and look at it again, taking out the gay angle and pretending a girl wrote it. girls are hit on and pursued by guys they are friendly with but are not even remotely attracted to all the time.
> 
> what advice would you give a girl who wrote that or is in that situation?


 
....um again kind of scared.... *sniffles* 

I'd say to that girl, be nice, but carry a knife if he tries something lol, or run really fast, but yeah my advice would be.....be gentle but if it comes to it, be blunt like a crowbar.




doesn't matter who wrote it, i'm nice-actually too nice. I'd end up aplogizing, a girl has done this to me before too, and i had to like burn the bridge with her and her friends, though i thought that was a bit unfair, but I had no choice....again another story for another day.. i just don't like doing  emotionally paniful things to people


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I've always been terrible at rejecting people, and have been accused of leading them on, so I'm pretty sure any advice I give will only make it worse. I can tell you what NOT to do, though. Don't let your friend think he will be able to change your mind if you are certain he won't. I tend not to be clear enough about this, and do the whole "If the circumstances were different..." thing after making an excuse, and it is a terrible idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ninja Nem (Oct 19, 2008)

If you do decide to avoid him and end the friendship then don't do it without forewarning him. That would be cruel and uncivilized. I speak from experience as I've done this myself and have had others do it to me. It hurts.


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## sooner (Jun 30, 2009)

Renogod said:


> Ok, heres the deal, theres this gay "homesexual" if you want to be politically correct,though i'm not sure if it is  :crying:
> 
> Who, admited that he likes, me ok, let me rephrase that loves me, says that he wants to marry, and he's only known me for about a month, and we only have hanged out only 3 times. Me being the ENFP I am say simply say " thats nice complement" sigh. The otehr part of my brain was like wtf! Also he knows i'm straight. Worst part of this, he's still hitting on me....
> 
> ...



This is what I would do: Play with him a bit, go out with him. Have him buy you a coupled drinks. Then say. "Can I borrow $50 dollars honey?" If he says yes, take the money and still act like you like him. If he says no then you have a reason to dislike him.

If he does give you the money then you can keep doing this for a while and then after about a month or so say you don't like him anymore and hopefully he will leave you alone.


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## Drake (Oct 31, 2009)

Just be3 straightforward and blunt. Tell him that you like him as a friend, nothing more, and if he continues to try and push you into something that you are not into, or will ever be into, that you will be forced to cut allties with him for your mental well being and such. 

He is allowed to feel the way he wants to feel, but just needs to keep his mouth closed about how you are so perfect for him.

If he values your friendship more then he wants to get in your pants he will respect these wishes, if not you dont really need him in you rlife after all then


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## Ungweliante (Feb 26, 2009)

sooner said:


> This is what I would do: Play with him a bit, go out with him. Have him buy you a coupled drinks. Then say. "Can I borrow $50 dollars honey?" If he says yes, take the money and still act like you like him. If he says no then you have a reason to dislike him.
> 
> If he does give you the money then you can keep doing this for a while and then after about a month or so say you don't like him anymore and hopefully he will leave you alone.


Haha!

...now that is evil. May I ask...how many exs do you have? :tongue:


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## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

Renogod said:


> doesn't matter who wrote it, i'm nice-actually too nice. I'd end up aplogizing, a girl has done this to me before too, and i had to like burn the bridge with her and her friends, though i thought that was a bit unfair, but I had no choice....again another story for another day..* i just don't like doing  emotionally paniful things to people*



I can almost hear the guilt in your voice. It must be hard for you to know how rejection hurts, know you don't want our friend to go through that, and still have to somehow reject him. 

But you know what? It's not like it's YOU doing something to HIM. Unrequited attraction happens _all the time_. 

A little bit of rationalization that might help out: It's not you _doing_ something painful. It's the _situation _ that is painful. What sucks is that he is attracted and it is not returned. You didn't purposely do that - hell, you have no control over that! Whether or not you tell him, the situation doesn't change. It sucks, but there is nothing either of you could have done to change or prevent it. 



Since you are the one who knows the situation, you are the one who has to break the news. This is not cruel - its just being the bearer of bad news. Since you are concerned with hurt feelings, you have to find out what is the least painful way of delivering this. You already know you don't want to be blunt or rude about it. 

But also remember that it's selfish to hide the news. How would you feel if someone let you pursue a situation like that without telling you just because they didn't like how saying the truth would make them feel? The sooner you tell him, the less embarrassing it will be for him. Save him from spending his time, energy and hopes on something that is doomed to fail. This means you have to be very CLEAR about your feelings, very clear that it WONT WORK. No hints or maybes. And no excuses or explanations. It is what it is - with attraction, it is either there or its not. If it's not there, he deserves to know. 

And keep reminding yourself that given the crappy situation, that is the nicest, kindest way to handle it.


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## Renogod (Oct 31, 2009)

Lepthe said:


> I can almost hear the guilt in your voice. It must be hard for you to know how rejection hurts, know you don't want our friend to go through that, and still have to somehow reject him.
> 
> But you know what? It's not like it's YOU doing something to HIM. Unrequited attraction happens _all the time_.
> 
> ...


*sigh* thank you for the advice, i'll have to tell him next time i see him in class...


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## Kevinaswell (May 6, 2009)

Just tell him to fuck off and stop being weird ass creepy style disrespectful.

Iunno what the hell is wrong with gay people.

But it really, really shouldn't be an issue.


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## Mercer (Nov 6, 2009)

Renogod said:


> Ok, heres the deal, theres this gay "homesexual" if you want to be politically correct,though i'm not sure if it is  :crying:
> 
> Who, admited that he likes, me ok, let me rephrase that loves me, says that he wants to marry, and he's only known me for about a month, and we only have hanged out only 3 times. Me being the ENFP I am say simply say " thats nice complement" sigh. The otehr part of my brain was like wtf! Also he knows i'm straight. Worst part of this, he's still hitting on me....
> 
> ...


you've gotta make it 100% clear. i'm not like that. i dont like you. stop hitting on me or i wont want to hang out with you.


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## roxtehproxy (Sep 9, 2009)

A similar turmoil occurred in my second year at intermediate with one of my friends. I could never get the subtle hints the bus students showed off that he liked me, and the truth spoke aloud at some stage a little further down the path. The entire bus was packed full of students, and he happened to sit next to me (At this time I had no idea of his homosexuality). It was a rather traumatizing experience when I found the news out, and from that day I became a little homophobic (Perhaps this adolescent misinterpreted my reserved, quiet mannerisms for closet ****-sexual behavior, which he was wronged of course.).

My situation was a little different to yours though. At the time of being oblivious to his desire to hold my hands, I wasn't at all a close friend. Just another brick in the wall. Rather than announcing he wanted to go out with me (Everyone had established he was definitely a gay) he declared that he liked me to a few of my friends. This angered me and encouraged my will of disemboweling his feminine figure for ruining the bonds between me and my other pals. To the point, he never asked me out. So in your case, I'd just slowly back away; It's a fatal situation at the cost of your reputation and even more if he proceeds into your privacy. Just watch out for the shifty ones with a billion girl mates.

In conclusion, there is a fine line between man-love and gay love.


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## Liontiger (Jun 2, 2009)

If it comes down to you ending the friendship, tell him that you are doing so. Say it right to his face. And when it's over, avoid him like the plague. Seriously, it's better for him if he doesn't see you. It makes getting over you easier. Not that I'd know anything about that... :sad:


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## HollyGolightly (Aug 8, 2009)

Renogod said:


> Ok, heres the deal, theres this gay "homesexual" if you want to be politically correct,though i'm not sure if it is  :crying:
> 
> Who, admited that he likes, me ok, let me rephrase that loves me, says that he wants to marry, and he's only known me for about a month, and we only have hanged out only 3 times. Me being the ENFP I am say simply say " thats nice complement" sigh. The otehr part of my brain was like wtf! Also he knows i'm straight. Worst part of this, he's still hitting on me....
> 
> ...


You have no option to be straight with him, he seems like he's a little obsessed. Many gay women have asked me out and I have always been honest with them and now they are lifelong friends and sometimes laug habout how they used to have a crush on me. But none of the mwere obsessed with me, they were just being honest about how they felt. If you have knocked him bakc and he is still hitting on you you need to be cruel to be kind. Say what you said in the OP: 


> I do like the guy, as person, as a friend, but nothing more.


Or something along the lines of that, so you can make it clear that youare straight and have no interest in him. You can still leave him with his dignity intact, but you need to be straight forward and clear. The longer you leave it the more he will feel rejected. And don't make fun of him for revealing how he feels and don't go telling other people about it. My gay male friend asked out a guy who was straight because he thought he was also gay and they guy totally made his life hell. Not saying you would do that, but don't even joke light heartdely about it behind his back because that will do more damage than good.
I don't think you should break a friendship with someone of the same gender if they asked you out, I didn't...but if he continues to be all over you and doesn't care about the way you feel then you shoulddistance yourself.


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## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

Lepthe said:


> how about this.
> 
> pretend you didn't write that and look at it again, taking out the gay angle and pretending a girl wrote it. girls are hit on and pursued by guys they are friendly with but are not even remotely attracted to all the time.
> 
> what advice would you give a girl who wrote that or is in that situation?


Yup, good -- that's what I was thinking on how to approach it.

Bet it's also giving guys here also an idea of what it's like for a girl when she tells a guy she isn't interested (or tries to not "slap him down" harder than necessary) and he just keeps coming on strong.



HollyGolightly said:


> Or something along the lines of that, so you can make it clear that youare straight and have no interest in him. You can still leave him with his dignity intact, but you need to be straight forward and clear. The longer you leave it the more he will feel rejected. And don't make fun of him for revealing how he feels and don't go telling other people about it.


All good advice.

Treat it casually but firmly.

Let him know that if he keeps bringing it up, it bothers you enough that you won't be able to talk to him anymore. You're just not interested, nor can you ever be.


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