# A girl at work don't like me very much



## VIIZZY (Mar 22, 2014)

You sound like you have some insecurity issues going on, you say that at your previous job a girl named Liz did this as well and now at this job Julie is the new Liz for you; this is the sign of a pattern and will most likely continue with a new job. Stop worrying about Julie and worry about yourself; you have admitted that you have a hard time with criticism and from the way you describe your reactions it's an unhealthy handling. You need to work on yourself and your own sense of self worth; you don't need to please everyone at your work place and you don't need everyone to like you. 

If you really want someone who can help you at this time look for a counselor who can help you build methods for handling your low self-esteem and work with you in building up healthy people skills. 

I hope you don't perceive my post as an attack, it's not meant that way but I am being blunt with you because there's a lot of personal things going on with you that need to be addressed.


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## dark_angel (Oct 21, 2013)

Bluity said:


> You haven't given any indication that she actually dislikes you. All she does, according to your post, is talk to others but not you. What's wrong with that? You are reading her silence as a sign of hostility, but she could simply not feel like talking to you. Do not take it personal. Not everyone is going to be your friend.


It just sucks being blown off and snubbed. Like when she joins MY conversations with others, she pushes me out. Either she never even looked in my direction or simply continuing talking to others like I'm not there when I try to rejoin. Pretty rude right? I quit my last job bc of the girl named Liz hurting me the exact same way. Liz was even ruder telling me we're not friends and that she despises me. I won't let Julie destroy me the same way. I decided not to give a fuck no more that she snubs me.


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## yet another intj (Feb 10, 2013)

dark_angel said:


> Liz was even ruder telling me we're not friends and that she despises me. I won't let Julie destroy me the same way.


You are already destroying yourself.

"_God give me strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference._"


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## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

Julie's doing it to you because she knows you're sensitive to it. You're showing weakness and she's exploiting it. You can't control her exploitation, but you can work on your weakness.

She isn't hurting you, you're hurting yourself through her.


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## dark_angel (Oct 21, 2013)

I mentioned in one of my above posts that around 2/3 of the ppl I work with talk to me completely. Four others partially snubs me and one completely snubs me. Is 2/3 a good rate of ppl actually talking to me? Where does that fall in popularity contest?


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## OldManRivers (Mar 22, 2012)

dark_angel said:


> I remember when Lyssa and I were talking a year ago. Julie first started then and she joined in the conversation but only to talk to Lyssa, not me. She essentially pushed me out. And that's the pattern that's been going on ever since with everyone else. I could talk to other ppl just fine when she's not around. When she is there, I have no part in any of her conversations.


Julie does not want to be friendly to you. Why? Maybe you remind her of someone who caused her harm - a mugger, an attempted rape, a stalker -
Nah. Its that she is a private person and you do not appeal to her. You really do not have any idea who she is, and if you have a crush of sorts on her, oh, man, you got some real grief coming if you do not back off.

Do you value your job? If this does not resolve itself, if there is any of this that comes to the attention of your supervisor, you probably will be fired. You need to socialize with friends off the job.


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## dark_angel (Oct 21, 2013)

Why would I have a crush on her? I'm a chick.


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## hal0hal0 (Sep 1, 2012)

dark_angel said:


> It just sucks being blown off and snubbed. Like when she joins MY conversations with others, she pushes me out. Either she never even looked in my direction or simply continuing talking to others like I'm not there when I try to rejoin. Pretty rude right? I quit my last job bc of the girl named Liz hurting me the exact same way. Liz was even ruder telling me we're not friends and that she despises me. *I won't let Julie destroy me the same way. I decided not to give a fuck no more that she snubs me.*


Good for you. Hang in there :happy:. 



dark_angel said:


> I mentioned in one of my above posts that around 2/3 of the ppl I work with talk to me completely. Four others partially snubs me and one completely snubs me. Is 2/3 a good rate of ppl actually talking to me? Where does that fall in popularity contest?


I know it's easy to focus on what's missing, but the fact remains there *are* people who like you enough to talk to you. Surely, this is a good thing? Focus on those people who DO respect you and politely maintain boundaries with the others who don't. Life will never be perfect and you will never please everyone nor garner everyone's respect. That is a perfectionist's pipe dream. But... you can build up the friendships you have and the things that are achievable, while staying true to yourself.

Yeah, I think there will be times where getting hurt are inevitable, for sure. Those are legitimate concerns, I think. But realize that your self-worth is not dependent on how popular you are or what others think of you. Popularity is a mirage that you can chase forever and ever. I'd rather have few really good friends than be popular or on good terms with everyone.


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## dagnytaggart (Jun 6, 2010)

You're not there to make friends. She doesn't have to like you, just as you don't have to like everyone either. 

As long as she's not actively doing something bad to you, accept that nobody is liked by everyone. 

Be happy. At least you're free to just get your work done, rather than listen to her inane water cooler chatter everyday.


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## Naacal (Apr 2, 2014)

Did you try asking why she's so short with you and not others?


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## dark_angel (Oct 21, 2013)

Naacal said:


> Did you try asking why she's so short with you and not others?


lol not really sure how that would turn out.


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## Naacal (Apr 2, 2014)

dark_angel said:


> lol not really sure how that would turn out.


So..? You have to be direct with people if you want to learn more about them or why they're acting the way they're acting.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

There will be people with whom we will have unavoidable conflicts, that is how life is for everyone. Maybe she is a meanie, maybe there are reasons behind her behavior, but if it bothers you enough, then you can try the following:

- try to figure out by yourself possible reasons for such behavior and attempt to fix things;
- go talk to her directly;
- ignore her as long as she is not disrespecting you (if she does then ask her why she is doing this).

You can either face it directly or leave it be. There is no other way to handle this. Everyone gave good advices and unfortunately there is no magic formula to make everyone like everyone.

If it bothers you enough that you can't even function properly at work or with your life, then you'll need to understand why you have such sensitivity and insecurities.


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## dark_angel (Oct 21, 2013)

I no longer give a fuck who don't like me. It took that many years to reach this point. Plus, I got other things to worry about unfortunately. Like the fact that I left ppl with a bad impression of me bc I so badly wanted julie to like me. When I ran all over the store looking for my supervisor to bitch that she don't like me, that sealed it. And customers complained seeing me being all over the fucking store. How am I gonna turn around a bad impression?


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

dark_angel said:


> I no longer give a fuck who don't like me. It took that many years to reach this point. Plus, I got other things to worry about unfortunately. Like the fact that I left ppl with a bad impression of me bc I so badly wanted julie to like me. When I ran all over the store looking for my supervisor to bitch that she don't like me, that sealed it. And customers complained seeing me being all over the fucking store. How am I gonna turn around a bad impression?


It's good that you can finally overcome that. as for dealing with the bad impression... It can be hard to ignore what happened, but what happened already happened and nothing can change the past. The only thing you can do is to do your best now, as a responsible employee, and hope that things will get better again and your employer will forget about it.

So do your best now as if nothing happened, don't let it bother you or affect your performance more. Everyone makes mistakes and have some issues, we have to deal with the consequences of our mistakes, but don't be too hard on yourself now and focus on the present and future, of doing your best from now on.


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## Derange At 170 (Nov 26, 2013)

dark_angel said:


> *I no longer give a fuck who don't like me*.





dark_angel said:


> *I got other things to worry about unfortunately. Like the fact that I left ppl with a bad impression of me*


.


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## EyesOpen (Apr 3, 2013)

To turn around the bad impression that you are a poor worker, you have to stop the drama, get your act together, and do everything your job requires as precisely as possible. Demonstrate that you are responsible and productive. Focus on the work.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

I thought that girls were the queens at ignoring people they don't like, just pull one of those on Julie, problem solved


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## emerald sea (Jun 4, 2011)

Can you take her aside privately and ask her if there's something you can do to improve your relationship with her? I am so sorry you are dealing with this .


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## dark_angel (Oct 21, 2013)

I would but that would make things worse.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

dark_angel said:


> Julie* her opinion matters a great deal but apparently she doesn't think the same of me. She regularly talks to everyone else but me. Every time we work together, I would cry during break. Idk what I did since I was never rude to her. She responds to my comments sometimes but it's something like "oh I see" or "yeah ok." She would talk at length to others tho.


She might see you as a threat, or perhaps she really doesn't like you. Not everyone likes everyone else. You can't make her like you. It isn't your fault, it's on her. 



> I been here 2 years and I worked with Julie for 1. What should I do? I can't take this. Should I tell my supervisor? It's long overdue and I need some help. Most other ppl talk to me so y can't Julie? I'm already jealous of those ppl she likes. And sometimes when I join in her conversations, it's other ppl that responds, not her. Therefore, she's hurting me for no reason. Help.


You can't make someone talk to you at work. You're there to work, not socialize. If she doesn't want to talk to you, you can't do anything about it. Find others to talk to.


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## Death Persuades (Feb 17, 2012)

[No message]


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