# How does a crush develop?



## iemanja (Feb 5, 2012)

Can someone give me a step-by-step account on how a crush is developed? Does it happen at first sight, does it take a lot of time or does it happen within a week or so? 

Secondly, is it good to be friends with someone before you end up having a crush on them, or does being friends with them lower your chances? If so, does it mean that pre-crush interactions have to be a bit different than initial interactions with someone you're not going to crush on? (<-- I hope that question made sense)

Thanks!


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## The Whirlwind (Jun 1, 2012)

From my own experience with crushes, it's basically when someone starts slowly taking over all of your thoughts. Could just be a small gesture or something minor that person says, but when it happens (to me, anyway) I get curious. You know, I want to know the person, see if they can take an interest in me I suppose. It's one of the few ways my emotions can really stir me, INTJ as I am. 

It's a shame that whenever I _have_ had a crush, the girl (whoever they end up being) never seems to want to... try, I guess? "What if?" Is my reasoning and whatever I think someone should just see if, maybe...

I dunno. What usually sets it off is someone doing something that I'd like to see out of more people, and not getting creeped out if I ever notice. I remember one not too long ago (can't believe this still happens even though I'm 17...), where a friend from my workplace had messaged me on Facebook asking to have a little one-one Skype party for new-years eve, because she was alone, bored. It's too bad she didn't get my humour or my way of thinking, but at least things didn't go as sour as they could have.

So yeah, as for specific steps... Eh, it's usually just someone's presence, and consistent actions that drive a curiosity I'd guess, or at least in my history.

As for being friends with 'em first, doesn't seem to affect anything. It's more the moment when you start seeing someone as something you genuinely like, and start getting curious. So it could happen when you first meet them, it could happen if you learn something about someone you've known for years. (In my experience).

Now I has a sad thinking about it...


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## Impermanence (Apr 24, 2012)

Whenever you make the mistake of putting a person who you are attracted to on a pedestal, only to find out that in reality no one can live up to those unrealistic expectations. Also when you think about them so much and become infatuated.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

A crush for me develops almost instantly. Either I'm semi or quasi into them or I'm not. When the crush (infatuation) happens pretty fast, those feelings last for quite some time. 

It's rare for some people to have crushes more than others. I rarely crush on someone unless something about them captivates me- be it a very shy/attractive demeanor or whatever idiosyncratic characteristics I find endearing.

For some, crushes develop over time, especially when they are clueless about their feelings. Sometimes it kicks in a lot later for some people to realize they really like someone. At first it's probably the mojos that get them attracted enough to talk to you in the first place. Other times, it could be the mental attraction and then the physical part kicks in later. Depends.


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## iemanja (Feb 5, 2012)

Mm, interesting, interesting!~

Yes, I do agree that there are different ways a crush develops, be it over a long time, infatuation at first sight/meeting or something in between. I wonder if there is any correlation regarding how quickly a crush is developed and how long the feeling lasts for....

*begins to develop experiment.*


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## Razare (Apr 21, 2009)

iemanja said:


> Can someone give me a step-by-step account on how a crush is developed? Does it happen at first sight, does it take a lot of time or does it happen within a week or so?


Depends on the circumstances and the person.

At it's foundation, a normal crush is a subconscious compulsion toward an object of attraction. This means it's fundamentally innate because we're animals... it's not much above the fight or flight response. At it's core it's a mating instinct.

But... since we have higher levels than the base-consciousness, our attraction instincts inter-mingle with our human minds. This means something less primal can induce a crush. Intellect, charisma, or jovial wit might precipitate feelings of attraction.

It happens when we find a quality that attracts us, and allow that desire to manifest within us, usually something more than just physical looks. Or if it is physical looks, it has to be something special that we don't see in everyone.


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## strawberryLola (Sep 19, 2010)

How quickly a crush develops in relation to how long it lasts? Hmm..

Various options below:
- Some believe in love (lust) at first sight
- Some believe love develops over time (crushes beyond infatuation)

If having a crush = infatuation.. I say- infatuation can last for a long time, especially if it's kept a mystery or a gift to unravel- meaning, there is excitement to the crush that sustains that interest.

Option 3:
Sometimes there is that feeling of knowing without preconceived knowledge and being attracted to something about someone that draws us on a very visceral/cerebral level. It's like the heart, body and mind connect instantly and one just feels it. 

That sort of crush I'd say (if it's instant- ex some people claim to "know they have met the right one instantly") can last a long time if the feeling is mutual. It's like falling in love all over again each and every day. Sorta like finding a lock and key that fits- (1 in a 1,000,000,000 types of bonds) that occurs from pure luck/chance. Some people get lucky on a few tries. Some don't.

Crushes that don't last too long- easy come, easy go. I say- depends on the quality of the first impression maintained through an obstacle of interactions over time that lead to hope, some sort of positive wish-fulfillment?


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## Shazzette (May 26, 2012)

How does a crush develop?

From talking with my friends, I think it can differ quite a bit between individuals. For me, it's when someone starts to get under my skin. I seem to be able to sense their presence and can be ultra sensitive to anything that they may say and do. Thoughts of that person start to invade my headspace and I'll analyze everything that they say or do, looking for a sign. Positive interactions with that person can lead to a feeling of euphoria, negative can leave me quite depressed.

If I see them walk into the room, I'll look at them and then quickly look away. It's almost as if I'm thinking, "Wow, here they are ... Oh no, they've seen me!" I'm usually a little bouncier than normal and more likely to get flustered and say or do something stupid, which as an INTJ can leave me feeling quite embarrassed and angry at myself. 

In my mind, I'll think about what a relationship with that person may be like, i.e. what would that person be like to live with, is it possible we may have a future together. I guess it's a bit of an internal screening process that lets me know whether to act on my feelings. And because I'm a bloody INTJ I usually don't.


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