# Don't be Type tri-hard



## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Don't be a type tri-hard. Seen this happen to many times and it needs to be called out. 
This applies to anyone interested in the enneagram, but I've seen it pop up with a few specific types; some want to be seen as type x but they really aren't, or some are completely missing the point of the type and focusing on something else. 

I was a type tri-hard: tried to hard to be a certain type who's image I idealised. That is; the ennea type 8. I thought of the ATE as the biggest badass around; "I do what I want and I don't take no crap". If I was perfectly honest with myself though? I didn't feel this way - I JUST WANTED TO. While I said this things, all I really felt was a massive disconnect, a detachment from the world. I was running, hiding from myself. I tried to use the ATE description to pump myself up, to get myself going again and get back to reality. It didn't work. I'd go out, I'd tell myself "what would an 8 do?" - in retrospect, this is asinine, it's crazy to do this. What does it matter what a typology says? You're you, and the enneagram is meant to help you to notice the stupid shit you do, acknowledge that this isn't "life" but just your bullshit filter of it. Not try and be something you are not. 

The funny thing about all this? I was right, I typed myself correctly. When I voiced my concerns after carrying this around for too long, a close friend of mine laid it out to me clear: 'Yes, that does sound like you - but you do it when you aren't trying to. When you meddle and interfere with my life, when you establish protocols for everyone around you and mark your territory, when you push too hard and never lay off. When you make insensitive and painful remarks without blinking. When you come into my personal space and don't give me room to breathe. It's stifling and overwhelming'. This was a massive shock to me - I did not see this in myself at all. In fact, I secretly thought I wasn't pushing hard enough, I wasn't saying all I thought, I was being too polite, I was letting to much go etc etc etc. I felt weak, I felt like there was never enough. When I joined these forums - a few more adept members spotted my insecurity, and rightly pointed them out. I shrugged this off and went - oh what do these armchair psychologists know, I'm a badass! I wasn't though, I was just insecure and doubting myself. After setting this aside for a while, I came back, re-read about tri-types, which I hadn't agreed with originally, and the whole picture was painted. 8 might've been my core, but my 6 and 3 fixes affected me way more than I would like to admit. My instinctual centers where also important - I always thought I was an sx/so (the most badass ofcourse), when I'm actually so/sp - I am not extermely in your face, and nor am I all to concerned with personal relationships. The enneagram should help, not hinder you. And this is a journey, one that will never end. 

So cut the crap - if something seems painfully true, consider it. it doesn't have to be your core, but it sure as hell influences it. Don't go out there and try and be something you are not - when I admitted that I felt I should be more 8ish to my friend, she told me that not only is that insane, but that I would alienate every single person in the world with that kind of attitude. Don't let your perception effect reality, let reality snap you out of the daze of your perception. The world is very multi-faceted; it has both good and bad, kindness and cruelty, love and utter indifference, lies and truth. Strive to live in reality, not in your perception of it.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Can I tell you something painfully true?


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Shoot


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Just no. You say that people shouldn't boast about their 8ness, yet you do exactly that in the same post. :dry:


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Vanguard said:


> Shoot


I think your tritype 8w?-3w2-6w? is right. However, I believe the ordering is wrong.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

@Vanguard
Thanks for sharing.
It is interesting to hear how others perceive this process from another type.
I'm conflicted about 5 or 9 and recognise some off what you describe about trying harder to be like that.
When I considered 9 I would become more conflict averse and when I considered 5 more bookish.
Ignoring the main issues at hand, focusing on whatever idealized idea I had of them.

To the others, give the guy some leeway, he has backtracked from some really dumb shit.
You shouldn't expect him to be perfect just because he wanted to share his insight.


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## voicetrocity (Mar 31, 2012)

You shouldn't feel the need to be "more" of whatever your core type is, that completely defeats the purpose of the enneagram. I've had a lot of experience with disintegration and I still found my type, and still felt like someone read all the cards I had held close to me when I dove into the descriptions and looked into my past. 



Vanguard said:


> when I admitted that I felt I should be more 8ish to my friend, she told me that not only is that insane, but that I would alienate every single person in the world with that kind of attitude.


Also, I have friends-damnit!


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

hornet said:


> You shouldn't expect him to be perfect just because he wanted to share his insight.


No insight.

Just bragging.


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## Grau the Great (Mar 2, 2012)

lol, these kind of threads are like the herpes of PerC. they just never go away entirely :laughing:


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

You're pretty honest about this shit. Gotta give you that much. The Enneagram isn't about idealizing types but self exploration. You get that bit too. But, 8 really isn't the type to go idealizing the 'badass' image. Good on you for noting you did that, but you're still treating 8 as an "ideal" to aspire to. It's written all over that post of yours. The influence from your fixes cannot overshadow your core. You're clearly saying you don't have the expansive self-assertion of the 8 but just wanted to be that way. I mean that post is riddled with contradictions. I'd recommend you review your tritype ordering again, primarily in the interest of not being type "tri-hard", which is the main point of this PSA. You attempted to set yourself apart from the ATE crowd, following your type enlightenment, but it looks like you got a bit too carried away there.


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Chipps said:


> I think your tritype 8w?-3w2-6w? is right. However, I believe the ordering is wrong.


Sure, it's possible. A few years ago I would've argued with you or insulted you, now I'm open for discourse. And it's 8w7, can't figure out the 6 wing.

And Inguz, no boasting, just trying to bring awareness to a wide spread issue, using myself as an example. I've seen countless "I'm dramatic so I'm a 4" or "I'm super analytical so I'm a 5" popping up here and there. Probably 3 fixers living up to an image in their perception.

Cheers hornet - that's exactly my sentiment; it's a really stupid path to go down, don't want overs to make the same mistake.

@ Boss - having re-read my post, fair point, I got caught up in my venting and it seems muddled now. I'm keeping to this though - rather keep this raw so I can keep refining my thoughts going forward. 

One thing I will say is I didn't relate to self expansiveness when I wasn't doing it. Whenever I was expansive, I did it and considered this the norm. It just made it all the more painful when I brought it to my attention that I didn't do this 24/7.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Chipps said:


> No insight.
> 
> Just bragging.


Oh okay...
So he has nothing to bring to the table and should be dismissed on all levels?
That sounds very reasonable, how foolish of me to believe that I could learn something from this person.
He obviously have some mental Leprosy and should be avoided.
I will lobotomise myself at once to minimise the damage to my mind.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

@_Vanguard_

If you're interested in reviewing your tritype order, you should consider answering the stickied questionnaire. It's an excellent self-exploration tool. 
And yes, your post got pretty muddled and contradictory. 

p.s. To mention a user, place _@ before username, as you did, but _ no spaces.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Vanguard said:


> Sure, it's possible. A few years ago I would've argued with you or insulted you, now I'm open for discourse. And it's 8w7, can't figure out the 6 wing.
> 
> And Inguz, no boasting, just trying to bring awareness to a wide spread issue, using myself as an example. I've seen countless "I'm dramatic so I'm a 4" or "I'm super analytical so I'm a 5" popping up here and there. Probably 3 fixers living up to an image in their perception.
> 
> ...



Well if you were only trying to bring the issue to light then I guess it has its relevance. Especially as of late. Especially regarding type 8.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

hornet said:


> Oh okay...
> So he has nothing to bring to the table and should be dismissed on all levels?
> That sounds very reasonable, how foolish of me to believe that I could learn something from this person.
> He obviously have some mental Leprosy and should be avoided.
> I will lobotomise myself at once to minimise the damage to my mind.



Yet another type 6 white knight. PerC sure isnt short any of you.


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Chipps said:


> Well if you were only trying to bring the issue to light then I guess it has its relevance. Especially as of late. Especially regarding type 8.


Don't follow.

Edit - @Boss : you referring to your "the resource thread for instinctual variants and stackings"? Skimmed my stack types - so/sp 8 fits. Overwhelm by selfishness.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> Don't follow.
> 
> Edit - @Boss : you referring to your "the resource thread for instinctual variants and stackings"? Skimmed my stack types - so/sp 8 fits. Overwhelm by selfishness.


I think Chipps is referring to the drama in the 8 thread. 

Anyway, I still don't see why the need to bash the OP. To me the point of the post is quite clear if perhaps a bit poorly expressed.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Vanguard said:


> Don't follow.
> 
> Edit - @_Boss_ : you referring to your "the resource thread for instinctual variants and stackings"? Skimmed my stack types - so/sp 8 fits. Overwhelm by selfishness.


No. Not that thread.

Enneagram Questionnaire


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

LeaT said:


> I think Chipps is referring to the drama in the 8 thread.
> 
> Anyway, I still don't see why the need to bash the OP. To me the point of the post is quite clear if perhaps a bit poorly expressed.


What was he trying to say? I mean whatever it was was lost in translation. I guess I can agree with not being a try-hard though. Too many people fall prey to that.


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Boss said:


> No. Not that thread.
> 
> Enneagram Questionnaire


Oh right. I'll fill it in when I get get a chance then.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Chipps said:


> Yet another type 6 white knight. PerC sure isnt short any of you.


Haha...
Being controlling fails...
Apply blatant stereotype.

Now that you got me boxed me nice and tight in I'm sooo helpless. XD

Anyway good luck with that attitude...


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

LeaT said:


> I think Chipps is referring to the drama in the 8 thread.
> 
> Anyway, I still don't see why the need to bash the OP. To me the point of the post is quite clear if perhaps a bit poorly expressed.



Why, must I keep telling people to stop talking about me without quoting or mentioning my name?

Surely you are aware of the proper etiquette.

Also, do not speculate as to what I am referring to because if it need be said then I will say it. You are the last person I'd want speculating for me.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

hornet said:


> Haha...
> Being controlling fails...
> Apply blatant stereotype.
> 
> ...


I ask the OP if I could tell him something. He obviously agrees. I say my peace. Next post, you're whining. 

I look left. 

I look right.

Can't figure what was said to cause you to gallop to the rescue.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Chipps said:


> I ask the OP if I could tell him something. He obviously agrees. I say my peace. Next post, you're whining.
> 
> I look left.
> 
> ...


I see your point.
I guess I felt a bit controlled that is all.
Lets just leave it at that.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

hornet said:


> I see your point.
> I guess I felt a bit controlled that is all.
> Lets just leave it at that.



How did you feel controlled?

I don't understand.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

so what else is left to say about type try- hards? i am having difficulty seeing the point.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

Boss said:


> so what else is left to say about type try- hards? i am having difficulty seeing the point.



Dats cuz you ain't a real ate. Yud neva undastan.


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Boss said:


> so what else is left to say about type try- hards? i am having difficulty seeing the point.


The point is to not be one. What else can be said? Some examples can be given - even you wanting to see someone as a certain type for whatever reason. 

And why the rudeness? So you say preach to iganus's thread, but what's the point to this one, which raises a similar discussion?


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

Chipps said:


> Why, must I keep telling people to stop talking about me without quoting or mentioning my name?
> 
> Surely you are aware of the proper etiquette.
> 
> Also, do not speculate as to what I am referring to because if it need be said then I will say it. You are the last person I'd want speculating for me.


My netiquette =/= your netiquette.


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## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

FacelessBeauty said:


> What was he trying to say? I mean whatever it was was lost in translation. I guess I can agree with not being a try-hard though. Too many people fall prey to that.


Dont be a try hard and accept your flaws and weaknesses. Much of what apparently others saw as 8 glirification I saw as an attempt to dispel it.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Vanguard said:


> The point is to not be one. What else can be said? Some examples can be given - even you wanting to see someone as a certain type for whatever reason.
> 
> And why the rudeness? So you say preach to iganus's thread, but what's the point to this one, which raises a similar discussion?


No rudeness intended or implied, whatsoever. 
@_Inguz_ provided a cogent post. The OP here has not lead to productive discussion so far. Surely, you can see for yourself what direction the thread has taken. 

If Inguz's thread is a near duplicate in discussion, I'll have to tell you that it handles the subject with more depth and consistency. 







Chipps said:


> Dats cuz you ain't a real ate. Yud neva undastan.


:dry:


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Chipps said:


> How did you feel controlled?
> 
> I don't understand.


It doesn't really matter now does it?
Feeling isn't logical. What was felt was felt and acted on.
I'm moving on... ^_^


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

LeaT said:


> Dont be a try hard and accept your flaws and weaknesses. Much of what apparently others saw as 8 glirification I saw as an attempt to dispel it.


 @Boss: LeaT summed it up nicely. As for Inguz's thread - the implicit point is he "gets it" and is sick of overs not getting it, vs my "don't glorify a type and mislead yourself - challenge your perception". I admit I could've been clearer in stating this, but I provided the personal example hoping to get people thinking and start looking at things in a different light.


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## Chipps (Jun 1, 2011)

LeaT said:


> My netiquette =/= your netiquette.



Correct. I'm too direct for my own damn good. Its a blessing and a curse.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Vanguard said:


> @_Boss_: LeaT summed it up nicely. As for Inguz's thread - the implicit point is he "gets it" and is sick of overs not getting it, vs my "don't glorify a type and mislead yourself - challenge your perception". I admit I could've been clearer in stating this, but I provided the personal example hoping to get people thinking and start looking at things in a different light.


I understand.

I am referring to the discussion potential of the subject raised (more "how" than "why"), given as, in your own words, you got off on the wrong foot and the thread went downhill anyway. Like I said, no "rudeness" intended. Hopefully, you can steer it in a productive direction.


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## Nornocci (Dec 31, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> the enneagram is meant to help you to notice the stupid shit you do, acknowledge that this isn't "life" but just your bullshit filter of it.


Next time I try to explain the enneagram to one of my friends, I'm quoting this. Priceless. xD


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## Vanguard (Dec 22, 2009)

Boss said:


> I understand.
> 
> I was referring to the discussion potential of the subject raised (more "how" than "why"), given as, in your own words, you got off on the wrong foot and the thread went downhill anyway. Like I said, no "rudeness" intended. Hopefully, you can steer it in a productive direction.


When I first posted the OP, I felt that it was too raw and things could get messy. I kept it, as I want to see how things play out, and how my thoughts look like unfiltered. I'm the first to admit that I tend to get combative, and I realize now that i was about to start a battle, so I'm glad you understood. I want to actually have a discussion, not just cause another fight. I find it interesting that a part of me looks forward to it, to fighting and to mentally breaking down my opposition, so i apologize if i start to lay traps. 

And yes, the emphasis here is firmly on breaking down the bullshit, and not wasting time on pointless mental masturbation.

@_Nornocci_: I'm glad you enjoyed my definition.


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## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

Vanguard said:


> When I first posted this, I felt that it was too raw and things could get messy. I kept it, as I want to see how things play out, and how my thoughts look like unfiltered. I'm the first to admit that I tend to get combative, and I realize now that i was about to start a battle, so I'm glad you understood. I want to actually have a discussion, not just cause another fight. I find it interesting that a part of me looks forward to it, to fighting and to mentally breaking down my opposition, so i apologize if i start to lay traps. And yes, the emphasis here is firmly on breaking down the bullshit, and not wasting time on pointless mental masturbation.
> @_Nornocci_: I'm glad you enjoyed my definition.


To me you kinda have to "look in the mirror" and ask yourself how you always end up with the same bum deal.
Every single time you end up at the same run down location.
I view the Enneagram as a sort of map that shows the exits of the endless mazes.
How to not end up in that same hole as yesterday, but climb out of it into new unexplored locations.
You don't want to do that cause the exit represent something that scares you on one level, but admire on another.
If you haven’t seen the exit before, it is probably because you where doing a good job of ignoring it.
I view the growth directions as the exits and the disintegration direction as tumbling deeper down the rabbit hole of confusion.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Vanguard said:


> When I first posted the OP, I felt that it was too raw and things could get messy. I kept it, as I want to see how things play out, and how my thoughts look like unfiltered. I'm the first to admit that I tend to get combative, and I realize now that i was about to start a battle, so I'm glad you understood. I want to actually have a discussion, not just cause another fight. I find it interesting that a part of me looks forward to it, to fighting and to mentally breaking down my opposition, so i apologize if i start to lay traps.



Don't apologize. I enjoy a good 'battle' trap. Must be the ate in me. *sigh* This _gravitas_ of mine is a heavy burden to bear, I tell ya. 




> And yes, the emphasis here is firmly on breaking down the bullshit, and not wasting time on pointless mental masturbation.


Indeed!


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## Pucca (Jun 13, 2012)

And I thought Enneagram was a positive, helpful tool. Little did I know others perceived so much negativity and "bullshit." 
Maybe it's a _type_ thing. /facetiousness :tongue:


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