# Guy said things are getting too overwhelming for him after being the most romantic person to me. How do men switch like that?



## fijis (5 mo ago)

I’ve been talking to this guy and we’ve been flirting a lot too. He’s been so sweet to me the whole time, we’re always getting on call, and he would do the sweetest things for me. 

But suddenly, he said that things are getting too overwhelming for him and thanked me for my time. Basically, he sent me a goodbye message of some sort. I said that I appreciate him for telling me that and that I had a lot of fun talking to him. 

However, I’m a bit confused because of the situation before he sent me that message. Literally just an hour before he sent me that, we were on call, sharing music with each other, and he even sang for me. 

Idk, what do you guys think went wrong? I’m so surprised at the sudden change because he went from hot to cold in an hour. Do men come around again after they resolved their feelings or they just completely leave you hanging? 

Kinda sad about it because I was starting to like him lol though I have to agree that things are overwhelming between us because it did seem like we vibed too quickly and liked each other (at least on my end). It was fun while it lasted. I just wished he told me he’s been feeling that way early on instead of constantly flirting, getting on call with me, and saying romantic stuff, and making me think that everything was perfect, y’know?


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## Celtsincloset (Feb 17, 2014)

It’s strange that he’s not saying he wants to slow things down, but rather goodbye? Why can’t he just slow things down with you? Maybe he’s found out that you’re not the one for him? Still, what is it exactly that’s sent him running off over the hill? I think a lot of men do make this mistake: because usually infatuation can be such a powerful force. So maybe, there’s good and bad in him leaving: he’s good enough to not waste your time (and your love and affection), was nice about it, and maybe his mistake was going too far with his infatuation of you? I think it’s a good lesson to learn, so next time you won’t get your heart broken.


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## UpClosePersonal (Apr 18, 2014)

As a man who went online dating after my wife died, I know that things move very quickly because women "grease the skids" in their impatience to get things moving in their direction. A man has no idea if things are working, whether he wants them to work, and why he's hitting it off so well so quickly.

Any 2 people can have fun together. That's not a sign that the relationship should move forward. It's just a sign that they are both high in agreeableness and are able to enjoy being out together.

What makes a man want to get more involved with a woman is a mystery to me.

When you're young and just starting out in life you're more willing to take a chance on someone. But later on, your experience dictates your openness or lack of.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

I had a similar situation. The other person had other priorities in his life and suddenly decided I wouldn't fit in. The relationship was more advanced than yours, and he avoided me for several weeks because he was afraid to tell me. I was heartbroken.

Just be glad he was nice about it, and was honest enough to tell you sooner rather than later.


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

fijis said:


> I’ve been talking to this guy and we’ve been flirting a lot too. He’s been so sweet to me the whole time, we’re always getting on call, and he would do the sweetest things for me.
> 
> But suddenly, he said that things are getting too overwhelming for him and thanked me for my time. Basically, he sent me a goodbye message of some sort. I said that I appreciate him for telling me that and that I had a lot of fun talking to him.
> 
> ...


A guy could flirt for attention, it doesn't really mean anything.

You shouldn't take a guy seriously until he proposes to you with a wedding ring. If he proposes to you with a ring and asked you to marry him, then I would agree that yes he loves you, because when a guy loves a woman, his provider instinct would start coming out, and he would start proposing to her because he feels the urge to take care of her. 
No marriage proposals and no rings? It means he doesn't love you and you're just a placeholder to him and he only wanted to use you for either sex or attention or money and you shouldn't take him seriously.


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## Chiv_nov-002 (5 mo ago)

fijis said:


> I’ve been talking to this guy and we’ve been flirting a lot too. He’s been so sweet to me the whole time, we’re always getting on call, and he would do the sweetest things for me.


That's considerably a warning sign to some guys. You have probably been rushing the relationship? From my pov girls can be rather flighty sometime. Take your time and ask him what his boundaries are.



fijis said:


> But suddenly, he said that things are getting too overwhelming for him and thanked me for my time.


What was your method in talking to him? I know nothing about him other then what he's been doing with you. So that might have something to do with it.




Celtsincloset said:


> It’s strange that he’s not saying he wants to slow things down, but rather goodbye? Why can’t he just slow things down with you? Maybe he’s found out that you’re not the one for him? Still, what is it exactly that’s sent him running off over the hill?


Sometimes pushing boundaries can bring extra force. That's just how it is for certain individuals. I'd normally like to hear his side of the story. Of course this happened in real life too. So there's no telling.



Schizoid said:


> You shouldn't take a guy seriously until he proposes to you with a wedding ring. If he proposes to you with a ring and asked you to marry him, then I would agree that yes he loves you, because when a guy loves a woman, his provider instinct would start coming out, and he would start proposing to her because he feels the urge to take care of her.


I've had experiences with girls either hitting on me rudely or being needy. The latter was the driving force in me detaching from dating altogether, ( I was 15 at the time ). If you want to convince a guy to go dating you must respect his boundaries. This isn't exclusive to either sex so be warned.



Schizoid said:


> It means he doesn't love you and you're just a placeholder to him and he only wanted to use you for either sex or attention or money and you shouldn't take him seriously.


That's a sign the guy is actually respecting himself and that's the sort of person you want to go after. Instead of brashly making conclusions we have to ask questions, then make a suitable assessment. We don't know what OP was hoping for and how they've met in the first place.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

Schizoid said:


> A guy could flirt for attention, it doesn't really mean anything.
> 
> You shouldn't take a guy seriously until he proposes to you with a wedding ring. If he proposes to you with a ring and asked you to marry him, then I would agree that yes he loves you, because when a guy loves a woman, his provider instinct would start coming out, and he would start proposing to her because he feels the urge to take care of her.
> No marriage proposals and no rings? It means he doesn't love you and you're just a placeholder to him and he only wanted to use you for either sex or attention or money and you shouldn't take him seriously.


I disagree and I don't think this kind of information should be heavily pushed. Marriage doesn't directly influence the "provider instinct" and certainly doesn't effect trust between two people.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

intranst said:


> I disagree and I don't think this kind of information should be heavily pushed. Marriage doesn't directly influence the "provider instinct" and certainly doesn't effect trust between two people.


I would disagree here with you as marriage itself doesn't bring out an instinct to provide but having kids with a woman definitely does. The thing where some people get messed up is assuming it's a gender role when women can very much have an instinct to provide as well. Also, marriage very much affects trust, which is why being cheated on by a spouse is much, much worse than being cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I find it kind of odd that you think something like a marriage wouldn't bring out a person's instinct to provide, as most men feel compelled to start providing when married to a woman. It's just that it's not a gender distinct instinct as many women also feel compelled to start providing when in a very serious relationship like marriage. Also I'm guessing you're not married or have ever been in a serious relationship before? Because it's very strange to think that a married couple wouldn't trust one another more than with say strangers. With a lot of married couples, the husband and wife trust one another even more than family in some instances.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

I agree that it isn't a gender role thing. I personally would be protective over people I care about regardless if I have kids, am married, or in a relationship at all. Why is cheating worse when married? Would you not establish boundaries with a boyfriend/girlfriend? That is where the trust comes in (hence what dictates cheating), where each party understands what is expected.

I didn't say marriage wouldn't bring out a person's instinct to provide, I said the two are not directly related. Marriage is a social construct so it will influence behavior via external pressure but if a person doesn't feel a certain way about the person they're married to then they will not want to provide, and if they don't want to then there is no "instinct." I have not been married but I have been in longterm relationships. I would think those in committed relationships who aren't married would not consider their partner to be "strangers."

Edit: Sorry, I brushed over what you said about being married and having kids. I would say that's more about obligation than instinct.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Yeah I'm going to have to chalk that up to a lack of experience because I really doubt anyone who's been in a serious relationship would hold such views with any conviction. If you don't understand why cheating while married is worse then you're simply not ready for any kind of serious relationship unless there's something very remarkable about you, and even then most women wouldn't bother because one-sided relationships end up being more trouble than they're worth.

If that's how you feel about marriage then I can tell you're never going to marry anyone or end up in a marriage of convenience. 😄 Marrying someone with no sense of fondness or even closeness and a desire to provide for their needs and safety is such a strange and odd POV to me. Marriage isn't forced on to everyone anymore and this isn't the 1950s when couples were pressured to marry regardless of how they felt about one another, so if you don't care about marriage then don't get married. My wife and I take our vows seriously though. Well, I'll ask you to revisit your thoughts on this if you ever do get married, although I'm thinking you're just trying to be edgy here because no one who is in a serious relationship like marriage would think cheating on their spouse isn't worse than cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend. If you can't trust the fidelity of your husband/wife then that's a sham marriage.

Yeah, like I said that's weird and sounds like you're trying too hard to be disconnected from any sense of having relationships. No parent actually thinks their kids are an obligation only with no desire to provide anything for them. If someone out there does, then they are not a good parent then and they probably don't have a good relationship with their kid(s).


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

I already mentioned that I would still feel the need to provide for those I care about but no, I am not interested in marriage as I do not see it instilling trust further than what can be achieved without it. I respect that you take your vows seriously but in my mind it is something that should be understood regardless of the act itself. Exactly, a sham marriage is possible, so why argue for marriage as a whole? I think stating that just because someone is married means that it is a serious relationship is not very objective, which is why I believe cheating is no worse whether you're married or not, from a moral standpoint that is.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

I don't think that parents have no desire to provide anything for kids, I only meant that strictly having kids creates an obligation, that is what is known for sure.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Attachment styles.


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## Rihanna (Nov 30, 2020)

Any updates on this? Got curious. 
Lots of potentialities. 

My guess is maybe fear. (don't know of what)


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