# Which of the NFs is the coldest emotionally?



## athenian200

There was a thread similar to this in the NT subforum, but I don't think it revealed anything we didn't already know. NTs being emotionally cold isn't news.

This thread could be a lot more interesting, though.

So, do you think it's... 

INFPs, with their Introverted nature and sometimes outward coldness? Not only are they Introverted, their feeling function is Introverted too. So they may not show much emotion.

ENFPs, with their opportunism, quiet values, and pragmatism enabling them to blend into corporate environments? Most of them are dreamy and expressive, but they're capable of taking charge.

INFJs, with their Introverted nature and cunning? They're friendly and polite, but have the potential to be quite strategic and calculating.

ENFJs, with their dominating personality and tendency to be so nice that it seems fake? They're usually VERY nice people, but they can have an agenda, and can use all their relationships and respect in the community against those who get in their way. But, they might feel bad afterwards and apologize.


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## googoodoll

how are INFP's the coldest?? they might seem that way, but imo they feel the most and are the most sensitive of the NF's.


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## Magnesium

I'd say INFJ. I've been told several times "wow, that's cold" when I am extremely curt with a girl that ...well long story. 

I have no choice but to see her occasionally due to work and our circle of friends. The messed up thing is I don't hate her and nor do I want her to feel bad, but I also can't allow old feelings to creep up as they are by no means dead. As far as she or anyone else knows though, I regard her as less than nothing, and it's probably best it stays that way lest we fall together again (she now has a kid by another guy.)

Sounds pretty cold to me.


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## Sai

stereotypes. It all depends on the individual.


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## Curiously

Infj


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## athenian200

I am a little surprised by the sudden spike in votes for INFJ. I would have thought INFPs might be a runner-up, being that they seem so blunt and indifferent at times, and are somewhat less expressive.

I guess the whole Ni thing just gets to people...



Magnesium said:


> I have no choice but to see her occasionally due to work and our circle of friends. The messed up thing is I don't hate her and nor do I want her to feel bad, but I also can't allow old feelings to creep up as they are by no means dead. As far as she or anyone else knows though, I regard her as less than nothing, and it's probably best it stays that way lest we fall together again (she now has a kid by another guy.)
> 
> Sounds pretty cold to me.


It seems like you're looking out for her best interests, though. Even if it seems like a cold thing to do.


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## Amore

delphi367 said:


> I am a little surprised by the sudden spike in votes for INFJ. I would have thought INFPs might be a runner-up, being that they seem so blunt and indifferent at times, and are somewhat less expressive.


I voted for INFJ but my vote don't count because I'm voting based on how I see myself, haha. It seems that none of my infp friends are like the description and my infj friends are super friendly but hardly emotionally cold...Some how I am more emotionally cold and less friendly (but can be friendly on my own terms) than they are. I am probably the most blunt out of all of them.


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## somnuvore

I suppose it makes sense; INFJ has fairly low Fi and often have decently developed Ti, so perhaps come off more like they're rationally getting through a social problem than giving hugs and kisses and whatnot. I'd wager INFJ come off colder than several types outside of NF.

Although, to be frank, I don't really like the Keirsey temperaments to begin with.


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## Kysinor

ENFPs and INFJs.


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## OrangeAppled

It depends on how you define emotionally cold. Is it the outer expression of emotion? Then INFPs are coldest.
Is it an attitude of experiencing emotion deeply & "using" it authentically, whether expressed or not? Then INFJ is the coldest. 

The ENFXs are not coldest because of extroversion. They are more likely to seek to affect & be affected emotionally, whether Fe or Fi.

I vote INFJ then. But most INFJs I've met IRL would think me colder.

As a side, I do not think of "cold" as being more rational. ENFJs & INFPs are the rational NFs. 
It's a falsehood that one cannot have deep emotion and still use rational reasoning. Emotion informs cognition - it does not have to rule over it.


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## athenian200

OrangeAppled said:


> Is it an attitude of experiencing emotion deeply & "using" it authentically, whether expressed or not? Then INFJ is the coldest.


I have to confess that I don't actually understand that question. What does it mean to experience emotion deeply? How can you know that your emotion is deeper than mine? What are you using as a reference?

And the word authentically is another I struggle with. I end up thinking of "an authentic Qing dynasty vase," or something, and end up with the implication that it means "true" or "real." So it seems to me that as long as I'm honest about what I'm feeling, my feelings should be considered authentic. Right? However, I find that the way the word is used seems meant to imply something more... but I don't know what the "more" is.



> As a side, I do not think of "cold" as being more rational. ENFJs & INFPs are the rational NFs.
> It's a falsehood that one cannot have deep emotion and still use rational reasoning. Emotion informs cognition - it does not have to rule over it.


Indeed, Jung wrote that Intuition and Sensing were irrational functions, while Thinking and Feeling were rational functions. I agree with you that Feeling is often underestimated in that regard. It's thought of as inferior to Thinking as a way of making decisions. It's seen as little more than sentiment and emotion, the role it plays in establishing a stable concept of value is underrated... particularly in Western culture.


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## OrangeAppled

delphi367 said:


> I have to confess that I don't actually understand that question. What does it mean to experience emotion deeply? How can you know that your emotion is deeper than mine? What are you using as a reference?
> 
> And the word authentically is another I struggle with. I end up thinking of "an authentic Qing dynasty vase," or something, and end up with the implication that it means "true" or "real." So it seems to me that as long as I'm honest about what I'm feeling, my feelings should be considered authentic. Right? However, I find that the way the word is used seems meant to imply something more... but I don't know what the "more" is.


This was admittedly poor phrasing because I was in a rush on my way out and that's the best I could do.

By "deep" I mean something more like "deeply rooted" and developed robustly, so that it endures. This is opposed to using emotion as social currency or fleeting moods or displaying appropriate signals for communication, etc. In short, I find INFJs more fickle in emotions and strategic with them, as compared to the other NFs. 

The depth is evident by how the person acts on them - they are maintained for their own worth & not so easily thrown over, & they are understood to signify a personal & sometimes universal meaning beyond their immediate use, not employed as social strategy or surface signals alone. There is not so much conversion to the social currency, although certainly INFPs may do so sometimes (we're not impolite monsters). Maybe "pure" is better than authentic, but still the idea of lack of contrivance or show. Something being original, yes, as in sourced by the individual and used as a personal guide & not adopted as means to an end in communication.


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## FearAndTrembling

INFJ are more fickle and strategic in their emotions because we live in a changing world of different personalities. And as Jung said, one size does not fit all. A shoe that fits one, pinches another. There is no universal recipe to apply to each individual. So I have a holistic approach that does vary per individual, but still feel I am being true to myself.

Like, I dated a girl who liked the opera, Broadway, that kind of thing. I hate that shit. But I didn't have a problem with it, because it made her happy. The opera isn't "me". It is somewhat strategic, but it isn't fake because I wanted to make her happy. The greater idea is always maintained, even if it appears the wrapping is fake. The ballet is a minor deal. A mechanism. People need to focus on the larger ends, and not the means.

As far as knowing how to hurt people. I can be very good at that. I know how to hurt them and won't pull punches. I think INFJ may be the best at hurting people. As in, we are the most competent at it. But I don't think it means we are the most likely to do it.


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## athenian200

OrangeAppled said:


> By "deep" I mean something more like "deeply rooted" and developed robustly, so that it endures. This is opposed to using emotion as social currency or fleeting moods or displaying appropriate signals for communication, etc. In short, I find INFJs more fickle in emotions and strategic with them, as compared to the other NFs.


Ah, that is something I can see. Our feelings become adapted to the people around us, so they're not as much a reflection of the inner world. Sort of like what Te is to Ti. As for being strategic, I would admit to viewing myself as a strategist, though perhaps I don't fully appreciate the coldness of a strategic approach to life from the perspective of people who don't take one.


> The depth is evident by how the person acts on them - they are maintained for their own worth & not so easily thrown over, & they are understood to signify a personal & sometimes universal meaning beyond their immediate use, not employed as social strategy or surface signals alone. There is not so much conversion to the social currency, although certainly INFPs may do so sometimes (we're not impolite monsters). Maybe "pure" is better than authentic, but still the idea of lack of contrivance or show. Something being original, yes, as in sourced by the individual and used as a personal guide & not adopted as means to an end in communication.


I can see how it does appear that way. To me, my feelings don't seem all that contrived, because it is my will to get along with others... and my feelings naturally adapt themselves around that goal. 

However, I will have to admit that the feelings are less personal, individualistic, and universal for me. That could technically be somewhat colder.

The only thing I'd like to add is that it really is how we naturally function. There is no conscious choice to disregard individual feelings or to turn them into a show/contrivance. That may be what we're doing, on some level... but for me, I just feel genuinely unaware of my feelings as individual most of the time. Sometimes it's actually unpleasant... I can read other people's motivations so well, but I lack the ability to recognize my own sometimes. :/

Anyway, I really appreciate this post, and you've done a great job explaining your views on this. It does make sense to me now.


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## FearAndTrembling

I just thought of an analogy. INFJ see every environment as a potential painting. Every personality, every human, is a color or shade. INFJ want to construct that environment into a painting that will, please nobody's taste specifically, but be the most tolerable painting for all groups considered. An appeasing blandness. This is a generic and soulless painting to an INFP. I can see that. It isn't true feeling. It is a hodge podge, duct taped, travesty. Where nobody's true feelings are actually being shown. The painting that describes everybody, describes nobody.

INFP just want to beam the most concentrated, pure and distilled art from themselves. Just splatter it all over the wall, viciously. Their philosophy is "You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself." Good song btw.


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## zombiefishy

FearAndTrembling said:


> I just thought of an analogy. INFJ see every environment as a potential painting. Every personality, every human, is a color or shade. INFJ want to construct that environment into a painting that will, please nobody's taste specifically, but be the most tolerable painting for all groups considered. An appeasing blandness. This is a generic and soulless painting to an INFP. I can see that. It isn't true feeling. It is a hodge podge, duct taped, travesty. Where nobody's true feelings are actually being shown. The painting that describes everybody, describes nobody.INFP just want to beam the most concentrated, pure and distilled art from themselves. Just splatter it all over the wall, viciously. Their philosophy is "You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself." Good song btw.


I like this analogy. Got any more?


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## FearAndTrembling

zombiefishy said:


> I like this analogy. Got any more?


lol. thanks. I was actually just gonna post that I am gonna vote INFP. Well, I already did vote INFP. 

The stuff about the depth of Fi vs Fe. @_OrangeAppled_ is saying Fi more is robust, and endures. It is the exact opposite. It is society that endures, not the individual. What a person does for himself, dies with him. The Tin Man, classic INFJ, and listed as an INFJ. The Tin Man has no heart. So where does he get his emotions from? From the environment. Like a classic INFJ. He is a mirror that reflects the emotions of those around them. And that is the irony of that bastard. The guy with no heart, has the most heart. Because he channels such a wide range of emotions that eclipses anything that an individual can do himself. She thinks Fi shines brightest, no it doesn't, Fe shines brighter because we are the light of others. 

That's why Fe is objective. Fe is the objective morality that must be maintained in a changing world of different personalities. I was talking about this in The Walking Dead typing thread, and we all agreed Dale was INFJ. When the world falls apart, Fe tries to hold it together. That was Dale's role.

Thats actually what Jung said about Fe. It makes civilization possible. The maintaining of social harmony and values. And that was exactly Dale's role. He was trying to hold onto civilization, or bring it back. A voice to remind them of why humans were special in the first place.




> _As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart! You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. I could have been a world figure, a power among men, a – a successful wizard, had I not been obstructed by a heart. …back where I come from there are men who
> do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phil…er — er — phil — er, yes…good-deed-doers. And their hearts are no bigger than yours. But! They have one thing you haven’t got! A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental friend…….*that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.*_


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## FearAndTrembling

I should also add that this is why I like INFP so much. They are great producers of feelings. And Fe is a great receiver, channeler, and organizer of them. I love when people give me their feelings, and Fi is obviously very good at doing that.


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## Ligerman30

INFJ not close


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## Acey

I voted for INFJ. I've known at least a few INFJs and they can be very curt, and downright hostile to people they have "written off". Other NF's seem more tactful with people they don't get along with.


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## Lucyintheskyyy

when enfjs get mad, they can be cold to the point of manipulation.


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## MeAndMyShadow

Lucyintheskyyy said:


> when enfjs get mad, they can be cold to the point of manipulation.


True, I've dealt with this first hand before. Not because I'm easily manipulated, but others can be and opinion turned sour toward me because of a few words from an ENFJ who even self-identified as a "chameleon."


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## Lucyintheskyyy

MeAndMyShadow said:


> True, I've dealt with this first hand before. Not because I'm easily manipulated, but others can be and opinion turned sour toward me because of a few words from an ENFJ who even self-identified as a "chameleon."


yes! thank you! someone who understands me!!! 
i feel like a freaking ant around my sister...


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## Antipode

INFJ, hands down. xD

I considered putting ENFJ, but they aren't really ever cold, they can just be a little... fake in a sense. 

INFJs, on the other hand, can cycle between expressive and calculating, making normal, functioning humans be a little confused. Also, INFJs have a habit of walking closer and closer to the wall, patiently doing it gleefully for the other person. Yet, the moment our back is against the wall, we will lash out. 

Put it more visually, we will allow the other person to continuously remove our pieces off the chessboard, all the while smiling. We are still calculating the entire time, but we don't let it show. Then once our King and Queen are in danger, we shut off our emotions and go into high calculating mode, destroying the other person's field with just our two pieces. 

We mean well, though. 

---

We're just so confused about our own selves that we don't know how to do things correctly. Haha. Fi is like an instruction manual for your soul--INFJs sadly don't have an instruction manual. We are like the Latin language.

It can be written--it can be read: but it simply can't be spoken, resulting in massive confusion and misunderstanding.


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## Icemanlx

MeAndMyShadow said:


> Being an INFJ, I've been called cold-blooded before. In fact, just last night... Most of this stems from my internal principles and how I would view myself if I went against my own values. I'm able to see other people's point of view quite easily and empathize with them, but if they're wrong, they're wrong, and I'm not bashful about it.
> 
> I read something before that identified INFJ as outwardly cold and inwardly warm. I took that as meaning there's true heart behind the decisions made, even if they appear to be harsh to others.


Yeah, I have also been called cold blooded...as in I show no (or only one) emotion to others. I used to hang out with a big group of friends some time ago and they told me the only emotion I showed them was happiness. They all just wondered how or why I was always in such a good mood. They also pulled the "nice guy" card and told me I am too damn nice. I never understand what too nice means.




Seeker said:


> I think the INFJ's are voting against themselves on this one because they are so hard on themselves.


LOL that could be possible.


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## Icemanlx

Antipode said:


> INFJ, hands down. xD
> 
> I considered putting ENFJ, but they aren't really ever cold, they can just be a little... fake in a sense.
> 
> INFJs, on the other hand, can cycle between expressive and calculating, making normal, functioning humans be a little confused. Also, INFJs have a habit of walking closer and closer to the wall, patiently doing it gleefully for the other person. Yet, the moment our back is against the wall, we will lash out.
> 
> Put it more visually, we will allow the other person to continuously remove our pieces off the chessboard, all the while smiling. We are still calculating the entire time, but we don't let it show. Then once our King and Queen are in danger, we shut off our emotions and go into high calculating mode, destroying the other person's field with just our two pieces.
> 
> We mean well, though.
> 
> ---
> 
> We're just so confused about our own selves that we don't know how to do things correctly. Haha. Fi is like an instruction manual for your soul--INFJs sadly don't have an instruction manual. We are like the Latin language.
> 
> It can be written--it can be read: but it simply can't be spoken, resulting in massive confusion and misunderstanding.


That is exactly how I feel at times...Well said lol

Calculating what to show or say, or just being in the moment and expressing and showing everything. But of course it depends on the person(s) and how much I trust them...and the environment*sigh


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## athenian200

Antipode said:


> We're just so confused about our own selves that we don't know how to do things correctly. Haha. Fi is like an instruction manual for your soul--INFJs sadly don't have an instruction manual. We are like the Latin language.
> 
> It can be written--it can be read: but it simply can't be spoken, resulting in massive confusion and misunderstanding.


That part reminds me of a song someone once dedicated to me:

_
"I'm living in an age
That calls darkness light
Though my language is dead
Still the shapes fill my head"_

And also another song:

_"Down the empty streets, head for the seven hills 
Vestal virgins dance, we steal the fire 
Battered columns stand as silent monuments 
Deep inside their dreams, I see your memories 

[...]

We share the last champagne, and watch necropolis 
Still and so let's leave her to her silent walks 
The sun of Rome is set, and our day is gone."
_


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## MeAndMyShadow

Lucyintheskyyy said:


> yes! thank you! someone who understands me!!!
> i feel like a freaking ant around my sister...


This guy was a co-worker at the place I work for now. I was the lead trainer for one of the production lines that we were just starting from scratch. I even trained this guy how to run the line and how to troubleshoot the equipment when problems would crop up. He would go to our supervisor, sometimes behind my back, and tell him about what he learned but make it sound in way that I had nothing to do with it. Despite successfully training others how to run the line and assemble/disassemble the equipment, even this guy, I was moved to another part of our operation and he became the trainer. Needless to say, a manipulative ENFJ can be very frustrating to deal with if they don't have any other check. A couple months later, the supervisor told me it was a mistake to move me from the line. Too little, too late in my book.

Your sister must really say some things to upset you... it has to be even more frustrating when it's someone you love.


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## Seeker

Antipode said:


> INFJ, hands down. xD
> 
> I considered putting ENFJ, but they aren't really ever cold, they can just be a little... fake in a sense.
> 
> INFJs, on the other hand, can cycle between expressive and calculating, making normal, functioning humans be a little confused. Also, INFJs have a habit of walking closer and closer to the wall, patiently doing it gleefully for the other person. Yet, the moment our back is against the wall, we will lash out.
> 
> Put it more visually, we will allow the other person to continuously remove our pieces off the chessboard, all the while smiling. We are still calculating the entire time, but we don't let it show. Then once our King and Queen are in danger, we shut off our emotions and go into high calculating mode, destroying the other person's field with just our two pieces.
> 
> We mean well, though.
> 
> ---
> 
> We're just so confused about our own selves that we don't know how to do things correctly. Haha. Fi is like an instruction manual for your soul--INFJs sadly don't have an instruction manual. We are like the Latin language.
> 
> It can be written--it can be read: but it simply can't be spoken, resulting in massive confusion and misunderstanding.


So about that fakeness, I think there are times when I come across fake. I have seen other ENFJ's come across fake too at times.

The thing is that I actually am sincere in the moments where I might seem fake--it's just that they are moments where I am feeling insecure and worrying that the other person(s) are not going to believe my sincerity. So it's a barrier. 

But I wouldn't say or do it if I didn't mean it. I will find a way to come out and tell people when I have an issue with them.

In other news, I wonder whether the coldness might be in the eye of the beholder. I know which type seems cold to me because of how I've been treated by so many of that type. But those are all things that are really wounding to me--things that I view as cold. To another person, my different approaches might seem colder.


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## Antipode

Seeker said:


> So about that fakeness, I think there are times when I come across fake. I have seen other ENFJ's come across fake too at times.
> 
> The thing is that I actually am sincere in the moments where I might seem fake--it's just that they are moments where I am feeling insecure and worrying that the other person(s) are not going to believe my sincerity. So it's a barrier.
> 
> But I wouldn't say or do it if I didn't mean it. I will find a way to come out and tell people when I have an issue with them.


I know; that's why I said I wouldn't classify them as being cold.


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## renee13

As an infj with an infp brother and two close friends who are enfj and enfp, I would consider myself by far the coldest when it comes to strangers or acquaintances. With their closest friends and family, infjs can overwhelm people with being emotional. On the other hand, my brother is extremely emotional and warm all the time..


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## KateMarie999

I voted INFP. My best-friend-so-awesome-we're-practically-sisters is an INFP and she can be very sweet and affectionate... sometimes. Other times she's a scary, frightening creature who hates everything and wants everyone to die (except Tom Hiddleston, who she has decided is okay). She can be erratic, unpredictable, and downright mean with almost no provocation. I love her to death but she scares me. My other best friend is an INFJ who can be very cold but it doesn't take much to get on her good side. It takes a long time to get on the INFP's good side if you and her don't immediately hit it off.

As for ENFJs and ENFPs... I've yet to meet one who didn't at least appear warm and friendly at first. They may get cold later but it's usually in response to something.


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## The_Wanderer

It depends heavily on your definition. Outward expression, INFP would be the weakest. ENFP by their nature as Fi-auxiliary are quite often selective with the emotions they outwardly express also. ENFJs aren't usually cold due to the nature of their dominant function; even if what they're expressing is anger or frustration it's not often coldness. By process of elimination that would leave INFJs, but saying "coldest emotionally NF" is like saying "brightest shade of white", really.

As to most rational appearing. Some would be surprised by this, but I'm going to say ENFP, especially mature ones. What you're going to see in the external world is usually the extraverted functions, especially if you're not capable of seeing the cues of introverted functions. For the ENFP it means what you're going to see a lot of is extraverted intuition and extraverted thinking, and it is the reason I've witnessed quite a few ENFP be wrongly typed as ENTP.


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## Seeker

With respect to the INFP's I've known, INFP's seem at least the most likely to retreat from a friendship without explanation. In my experience, they'll sometimes leave you hanging right when you most need it like the fact that twice you gave her a home when she had no place to go was nothing. And how dare you expect the friendship to be a two-way street. Like, hey, she doesn't feel like it right now and that should be enough--never mind the fact that you might not have felt like driving her to the E.R. for a panic attack that she had at midnight when you were on a work deadline--but you got past not feeling like it and embraced it because it was the right thing to do. 

While that's one example--it's a repeat pattern that I've had with several INFP's. 

***Like I want to strangle a lot of them and scream--quit being so SELFISH. I got past my selfish feelings for you a zillion times. This thing that you think is too demanding is something that I did for you--you have no memory. Sigh! Old issues. And I know that screaming and strangling would solve nothing and that those feelings are more feelings that I need to get past.*** 

Actually, the "I-just-don't-feel-like-it-right-now-I-am-going-to-indulge-my-impulses" thing has been a theme with a number of the INFP's I've known. Don't get me wrong--they all could be wonderfully warm and sweet at moments--it's just that it's a take it when you get it--don't expect--don't expect it consistently--don't expect to get back what you put in--kind of thing. 


The INFP's who have stayed the most warm with me have been the ones with whom I have not gotten too close. I love them and always will. 

But on the whole, for me, they are in the category of the most emotionally dangerous type. It is strange because they are in what I call "the second circle." That is as close as you can get to the inner circle without being in the inner circle. So it's a warm place. They are also the most likely to get accidentally placed in the inner circle where they become my destroyers--they yank the rug out from underneath me. It's why I'm on my guard around them now--like I can love them and be friends with them--but I'll never make the mistake of feeling romantic towards one or putting one in the inner circle again--not if I want to survive.

Personally, no one has been as consistently warm, encouraging, supportive, and reliable as one of my besties--an INFJ. For twenty years, she's been there for me through surgeries, deaths, break-ups--you name it. She's so quick to be hard on herself too.

I can't imagine putting INFJ's in the category of the coldest NF. They are such reliable sweet peas.

***In the sense mentioned above--screaming--we ENFJ's can get as mean as it comes when pushed to the brink and could be cold in that sense. It takes a lot for us to get to the brink. We'll work through feelings of being slighted, inconvenienced, etc., to take the warmer view on many occasions. But then when we finally hit that brink, bam! We go back to those old moments that we worked through and resurrect them all in one big blow up. It is not pretty. We can take back every nice thing that we ever said or did for a person and let them know just how far they fall short of our standards. And it's why we need to work more on standing up for ourselves and managing our expectations to prevent that blow up from happening. And if we feel the blow up coming, it is time to make an appointment with the therapist so that we do not verbally rip someone apart. It is time to hit the delete button on emails and to let our phones run out of power until we've processed through resentment. The thing is that the blow up doesn't make us feel good about ourselves. It's counter to everything else that we intended all along, and it has the effect of undoing our previous good works. 

It is an interesting thing though because sometimes people think that they can just keep taking advantage of us and that we'll be good natured--without realizing that we have a breaking point. 

Jesse pushed to the brink by Walt would be an example.


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## WinterFox

INFJ definitely.

My Fe can make me appear warm at times, but when a person gets close to me, they will start realizing I'm actually very cold and emotionally detached most of the time. I can be as cold and aloof as an INTJ, I attribute this coldness to being a Dom Ni.
I am so detached from this physical world and so lost in my own symbolic world that I hardly realize how cold and aloof I can come across to people at times. People around me would often tell me to smile and stop being so emo. I find it amusing how people around me think I am feeling emo when I am just lost in my thoughts, so annoying! I attribute this to being an Ni Dom, I am not in touch with my emotions and I have that blank facial expression on me due to me not being in touch with my emotions and as a result people mistook my blank facial expression as being emo.


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## Laeona

DustyWind said:


> I completely agree with this. Looking back on my answer I realized how stupidly subjective it was. If I can change my answer I would side with Leona.
> 
> Leona, you truly are the Kwizatz Haderach.


I'm honored to be put in the same catagory as Leto II, but alas, I don't know that I could live up to such a title.

It does give one something to strive for though


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## Laeona

Seeker said:


> With respect to the INFP's I've known, INFP's seem at least the most likely to retreat from a friendship without explanation. In my experience, they'll sometimes leave you hanging right when you most need it like the fact that twice you gave her a home when she had no place to go was nothing. And how dare you expect the friendship to be a two-way street. Like, hey, she doesn't feel like it right now and that should be enough--never mind the fact that you might not have felt like driving her to the E.R. for a panic attack that she had at midnight when you were on a work deadline--but you got past not feeling like it and embraced it because it was the right thing to do.
> 
> While that's one example--it's a repeat pattern that I've had with several INFP's.
> 
> ***Like I want to strangle a lot of them and scream--quit being so SELFISH. I got past my selfish feelings for you a zillion times. This thing that you think is too demanding is something that I did for you--you have no memory. Sigh! Old issues. And I know that screaming and strangling would solve nothing and that those feelings are more feelings that I need to get past.***
> 
> Actually, the "I-just-don't-feel-like-it-right-now-I-am-going-to-indulge-my-impulses" thing has been a theme with a number of the INFP's I've known. Don't get me wrong--they all could be wonderfully warm and sweet at moments--it's just that it's a take it when you get it--don't expect--don't expect it consistently--don't expect to get back what you put in--kind of thing.
> 
> 
> The INFP's who have stayed the most warm with me have been the ones with whom I have not gotten too close. I love them and always will.
> 
> But on the whole, for me, they are in the category of the most emotionally dangerous type. It is strange because they are in what I call "the second circle." That is as close as you can get to the inner circle without being in the inner circle. So it's a warm place. They are also the most likely to get accidentally placed in the inner circle where they become my destroyers--they yank the rug out from underneath me. It's why I'm on my guard around them now--like I can love them and be friends with them--but I'll never make the mistake of feeling romantic towards one or putting one in the inner circle again--not if I want to survive.
> 
> Personally, no one has been as consistently warm, encouraging, supportive, and reliable as one of my besties--an INFJ. For twenty years, she's been there for me through surgeries, deaths, break-ups--you name it. She's so quick to be hard on herself too.
> 
> I can't imagine putting INFJ's in the category of the coldest NF. They are such reliable sweet peas.
> 
> ***In the sense mentioned above--screaming--we ENFJ's can get as mean as it comes when pushed to the brink and could be cold in that sense. It takes a lot for us to get to the brink. We'll work through feelings of being slighted, inconvenienced, etc., to take the warmer view on many occasions. But then when we finally hit that brink, bam! We go back to those old moments that we worked through and resurrect them all in one big blow up. It is not pretty. We can take back every nice thing that we ever said or did for a person and let them know just how far they fall short of our standards. And it's why we need to work more on standing up for ourselves and managing our expectations to prevent that blow up from happening. And if we feel the blow up coming, it is time to make an appointment with the therapist so that we do not verbally rip someone apart. It is time to hit the delete button on emails and to let our phones run out of power until we've processed through resentment. The thing is that the blow up doesn't make us feel good about ourselves. It's counter to everything else that we intended all along, and it has the effect of undoing our previous good works.
> 
> It is an interesting thing though because sometimes people think that they can just keep taking advantage of us and that we'll be good natured--without realizing that we have a breaking point.
> 
> Jesse pushed to the brink by Walt would be an example.


Oh god, this is horrible! What douches!

I'm always interested in hearing about such viewpoints, because myself (an INFP), I've had similar experiences to what you relate, but I've had them with an ENFJ.

It's drawing me to the conclusion that although there is definitely something magnetic in the INFP/ENFJ relationship, there may be a tendency for the relationship to become lopsided over time, with one party carrying more of the burden of maintaining the friendship. It may also be that there is such a degree of intimacy and association, that one or both parties may also begin to take for granted what the other provides. It's so sad. Because ENFJs and INFPs together can have such synergy! Both "F" dominants, so they both have the ability to be very perceptive...but not always about each other.

This dynamic is always going to mesmerize me.


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## TuesdaysChild

On one hand, I can see where some might vote INFP with our primary Fi. But I think it's important to note that this can vary depending on the model being used for the INFPs objective value judgements for which they are filtering their Fi through. Like garbage in, garbage out, if the goal of Fi is self-preservation, then it can come across very cold. If the goal is harmony, then it can be, meh, lukewarm, I guess. If the goal is healing others, then the INFP can be quite warm.

In my 20s, as I was coming into myself and just learning how cruel the real world is, I was all about self-preservation and processing my Fi towards that end, always suspicious, always looking for reasons to be hurt by the actions of others. And there's the quote, "Hurt people _hurt people_." And, well, sadly that's true. It was during this time that on two occasions, which I am surely not proud of and will always regret, that I used "emotional strategy" against another person in a calculating and precise manner, knowing exactly how to use what I knew to be an emotional weakness in the other person for maximum impact. On one of those occasions I was antagonized into it and felt justified. On the other, I did have a grievance, but later felt I went too far in using my secret superpower. But in hindsight, it was a terrible, awful thing to do in any event. I don't even like knowing that I'm capable of such cold calculation. It makes me feel villainous, but I do feel that keeping it out in the open instead of burying it will ensure I never use it again. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

But now after having been in "harmony" mode and moving further into "healer" as my core value, I find that I'm very warm, sincere and caring. I've even developed my rationality to the point where I can focus in on the end goal, either harmony or healing, and any negative feeling that might be peripheral to that goal is quickly eradicated. That's not to say I have no self respect in the case of a genuine grievance, but I'm referring to those times when Fi can be hurt or prideful when it's not truly justified. I try to use another person's intentionality in weighing whether or not I should allow my feelings or pride to be hurt. It's of little use being wounded by an imaginary arrow.


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## uttermostcat

I think when it comes to other people's perceptions- INFJ. Nobody ever genuinely asks me "how I'm feeling," and it's not exactly a problem... Underneath it all though, I'm pretty darn warm and fuzzy, at least this INFJ is. roud:


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## LittleRayOf Sunshine

I find it intriguing that most people voted for INFJ.

Surely the term "coldest emotionally" could well refer to both outwardly and inwardly?

If both were the case, then the ENFJ would definitely be the least "cold" because Fe and Ni work together to be aware of peoples' feelings around them and then act upon this information to give out the help and support required for the person.

For the INFJ, it would be pretty similar, however, we are more reflective of why they feel this way (Ni) and then come up in our heads with several different ways of how they could react to our reaction and then choose the 'best' one. Well. That's what I do, anyway  I find we are cold OUTWARDLY, rather than INWARDLY.

I voted ENFP to be the most cold emotionally, but perhaps this is biased due to experience in real-life situations.


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## krentz

Seeker said:


> ...


It's quite interesting that you should have to say this; if only perhaps because I understand the tendency towards those behaviours that exists in myself and also where they come from. Undoubtedly, the degree to which an individual indulges in such maladaptive coping strategies depends a great deal on their psychological health and maturity level. (For what it's worth, I am terribly sorry for your experiences. That 'rug pulling', I can only imagine. And I am very paranoid of ever doing that to anyone. In the past, when less mature, I might well have done, and the lesson and the burden never left me.) 

The problem occurs because Fi is so passionately individualistic that I am almost pathologically incapable of ignorance towards my emotional state at any given time. Most INFP's will value "integrity" and "authenticity", and this generally involves being true to their values and feelings; and they will also encourage this in others out of recognition of our 'shared humanity'. However because feelings and emotions are themselves so flighty and subject to change, I can understand how this unprompted volatility can lend itself to devastating circumstances. It isn't a pretty experience for the Fi-user either: if we do not withdraw because others have 'crossed a line' somewhere (and I can't speak for anyone else, but these days I make a point of telling people what's going on with me because nobody is a mind reader) but sometimes we withdraw to regain our own sense of equilibrium. Fe may arise in response to situations and events, or rather it may be focused on other people and require harmony to feel settled, but Fi is omnipresent and often needs to withdraw from conflict to 'cool off', if you will.

Not only that, but I generally consider myself both dutiful and empathetic as well; so I will always strive to be reliable and dependable. Unfortunately my emotions themselves are not dependable so I make no pretense of disguising this fact with people because the last thing I want is to make unreasonable promises I can't keep. It is not an ideal solution but it is the only one I have; no matter how I try, I cannot entirely tame or redirect my natural responses.

[HR][/HR]
Anyway, above and beyond all that - I actually expected INFP to have been voted the coldest, simply because Fi by its very nature is largely hidden from the outside. However it's often true that still waters run deep and there is usually both an unexpressed tenderness and an internal universe/whirlwind/maelstrom at any given moment. I will point out that I don't understand Ti or Fe at ALL - the functions are totally alien to me - but by inverting how Fi and Te work within myself I can kind of understand in parallel. An FJ user's Fe is objective and focuses on collective harmony, yes? It is a 'practical' function. Whereas Fi is subjective and seeks to discover the essence of feeling itself - the universal principles underlying the "emotional logic" as it is applied by Fe users. That's quite interesting, if I'm correct. Hahaha, so, wait, Fi-users are like emotional mathematicians and Fe-users are emotional engineers? OrangeAppled probably explained it better  

(Also yes, I know that Feeling encompasses both values and emotions, but feeling-values as principles are generally concerned with people and the human experience, so...)

I have to admit that an Fe user on the warpath is a serious force of nature, though! I've had too many run-ins with a certain ISFJ not to respect it. I usually keep most of that inside!

I'm voting INFJ purely due to my interpretation of the term 'coldness', but that's not an entirely fair vote because I haven't really known any NFJ types very closely.


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## Flaming Bassoon

I have an INFJ best friend and I think that she considers me quite cold because of my dark humor even though that's far from the truth. She did, however, start hitting my other friend (an ISFP) and said "Don't use violence!" and "accidentally" hit him in the balls with chalk because of his pervy jokes. So, yeah, probably INFJ from anecdotal experience; they're more outwardly nice than most INFPs but this isn't always the case on the inside... :tongue:


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## aurelief

I voted INFJ because I perceive myself as being a pretty cold-hearted person sometimes. I suppose Fe would usually drive INFJs to acting warm and friendly to others for the sake of harmony and care for the other person's feelings, however when something happens and I cannot justify caring for the person's feelings anymore, I can be very harsh. Also, to be honest, having Fi so low on my functional stack means that I don't usually 'feel' so deeply, so perhaps my own emotions can seem quite fake--I am mostly cheery around others. But when I do feel, I feel with a vengeance. So beware if I'm not feeling so happy towards you then. (Does that make sense?)

Quite similar to what several of you guys have said!!


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## yentipeee

Wow the INFJs won! You are the cooolest of them all :tongue:


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## StoneMoon

I suppose it depends entirely on which way directed coldness you think is "cold". Like xNFPs could be seen as cold stating their opinion of someone truthfully, even though their intentions are good. Then, they could be percieved as warm for the same reason, because they did what they did for the best of the other person. xNFJs could be seen as warm because everything they said was to make the person feel better, even though they did not say everything they though. Then they could be seen as cold for the same reason, because they weren't entirely truthful about their own opinion, as if they betrayed the person or something.

I still think though, if INFJs really win so clearly you all must have met really unhealthy INFJs. xD


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## phEight

My vote goes to INFJ. It's the paradox of thinking and feeling within me that makes me vote that way. My thought process or "honing in" process [Ni] is calculating, tactical, and not very emotional (it's hard to tell though). Fe is very strong, but was more strong when I was younger. As I grew in confidence, so too did my ability to be genuinely warm, but equally cold when the situation required it. I am awfully hard on myself, but I think I am really hard on others who cause significant disharmony. 

I would like to consider myself a warm person, someone who is approachable and is seen as an emotionally complex person able to solve fairly complicated issues purely out of love, but that is not how I am seen. That reality has started to sink in more, and it makes me question why it is this way. The reason is obvious, though it is still hard for me to accept. It's because others perceive me as cold, regardless of my attempts at being warm. No doubt, people do perceive me as warm often times, but everyone knows something else lies underneath, and the fact is I want people to know something lies underneath. When in disagreement with someone [usually about something relatively important], I am swift and confident in saying something like, "No. <insert well thought out reasons meshed with genuine compliments and points which I do agree on>."

I always thought my genuine compliments and stating of common points was a warming factor, but that initial, solid, piercing statement of disagreement comes off cold. I guess the truth of the matter is, inwardly I am playful, but I am equally unforgiving [of myself]. How can anyone who lives with the paradox of seeking Truth [Ni] and taking on the emotions of others NOT have a partially cold nature to them? Perhaps I should learn to embrace coldness.


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## phEight

Not to mention, genuinely intimidating an ENTP [even when the goal was simply communicating disagreement] is probably something no other NF could do. 

Fi-doms, as angry/dark as they may get, can never really be cold. They can aggravate the shit out of you, but that is != cold. If angry or upset, they will exude their intense feelings more so than reasons or attempts to convince / change... which only accentuates their feeling character. This does not give off a feeling of coldness. Temporarily perhaps, but not lasting.

Fe-doms, well, they just cannot help being warm most of the time, regardless of intention. They certainly do not come off cold, mainly due to their charm. 

Ne-dom with Fi will only come off as cold on a situational basis, but that's more "cold" than cold. Not many could truly convince themselves of an ENFP being cold. I would imagine it to be highly unlikely multiple people in the ENFP's life would agree on them being cold. They're too vibrant.

Ni-dom with Fe... Ni is an introverted behemoth, and warm [or cold] is not how I would describe Ni. Even if we wanted to try and hide it, we couldn't. Our words are decorated with it, our facial expressions and demeanor is hued with it, our lives revolve around it, and our Fe is subservient to it. I know I can be warm [it is almost instinctual]... kids tend to trust me, infants consistently smile in return, strangers often feel comfortable talking to me, people will open up to me, but yeah, of the NF's, the coldest would have to be INFJs.


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## C. C. Scott

I'm voting INFJ. I definitely could be wrong, seeing how by being an INFJ I understand our cold side easier then the other NF's cold side. Yet it feels right... I appreciate my cold side. 

I feel proud when someone offends me and I can calculate a response I know will leave them feeling uneasy without them knowing why they do, and in return become unable to respond in a way that will easily affect me. 

I do tend to feel guilty if this side of me comes out without my consideration of the other person. And I know this response makes me sound like a jerk. 

But lately I've had a coworker attempting to pick me apart and make me feel uncomfortable, so I've been relatiating the same way with a smile on my face. No one else in the store seems to notice it, but I can tell in his eyes he doesn't like me. Our comments about each other are extremely off handed and passive aggressive. I don't like acting this way. 

I'll take the blame for starting the discord between us, but he has been the one allowing it to reverberate even when I tried to make peace. So now I don't try to make peace. It's the lamest game of socialized cat and mouse. And it's made even more lame knowing all I do is make pizzas all day that this guy delivers.


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## MattMannion

INFJ man, I'm super cold sometimes. I blame Ni-Ti.


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## CupcakesRDaBestBruv

yentipeee said:


> Wow the INFJs won! You are the cooolest of them all :tongue:


And the ENFPs are the hottest.


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## rosered89

INFJs are as critical of the value systems of people we meet as INTJs are critical of the validity of intellectual systems specific individuals form. An INFJs can express their assessments of other's shortcomings in not the most sensitive way, therefore, we can be perceived as cold. Fe is not very sympathetic, it is empathetic. When i give advice to someone i am trying to help the other person fix their own problem, not necessarily cater to their internal feelings about themselves when they face a hard personal truth. I have no problem telling someone about the one fatal character flaw they need to fix, and i don't mince words either. This is what is known as the INFJ "laser beam". Any INFJ i have ever known has been written off as an a**hole due to this specific trait sometime or another.


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## TheOverobserver

I can emotionally detach quickly if I had reason. 

Guilty as charged. 





littleredstreak said:


> I would argue the ENFP. I don't know much about the INFP but I think introverted feeling can be cold.
> 
> One thing i feel like enfps are ver capable of doing is shutting people out entirely and never looking back. and that is cold.


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## Sygma

@littleredstreak 



> I would argue the ENFP. I don't know much about the INFP but I think introverted feeling can be cold.
> 
> One thing i feel like enfps are ver capable of doing is shutting people out entirely and never looking back. and that is cold.


Its not cold its rationnal. I'm not gonna look back to someone who betrayed me. Also most of the times in very very emotionally loud moments (funerals etc) I don't display any kind of emotion. I'm there for people who are truelly sad and need a shoulder tho


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## with water

Hint: The ones that have no Fi...


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## carolineatlantis

people voted INFJs??? what?? why?? "confused"


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## XZ9

carolineatlantis said:


> people voted INFJs??? what?? why?? "confused"


Meet INTJ 2.0
INFJ Personal Growth
May be intolerant of weaknesses in others
May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others
May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax


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## carolineatlantis

May be unaware (and sometimes uncaring) of how they come across to others
May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it
May apply their judgment more often towards others, rather than towards themselves
With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for any problems in their lives
May have unrealistic and/or unreasonable expectations of others
May be intolerant of weaknesses in others
*May believe that they're always right*
May be obsessive and passionate about details that may be unimportant to the big picture
May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others
May have an intense and quick temper
May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax
May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people
May be wishy-washy and unsure how to act in situations that require quick decision making
May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others
May see so many tangents everywhere that they can't stay focused on the bottom line or the big picture


but we are always right "shakes head"


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## Antipode

If you've ever had a Warhead, you know what dealing with an INFJ is like.


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## tiredsighs

I would say ENFJ just because of my experience with them, but I realize that "not all ENFJs .... "

My second pick would be INFJ.

It doesn't happen too often, but sometimes I just flip my emotional switch off and start seeing black and white only. On the flip side, when I do flip the emotional switch off, I find that that's when I get the most work done. lol


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## Winegums

I voted INFJ's as I know we can be cold Ni-doms to the majority of the population.


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