# Only intuitive in a family of sensors, I NEED ADVICE



## 318138 (Oct 1, 2015)

10 Things That Happen When You’re An Intuitive In A Family Of Sensors | Thought Catalog

I found this article recently and it was amazing how I relate to all of them way too well (apart from number 6 cos both my parents are Fe dom so they think there's something wrong with me when I don't discuss my feelings). Since sensors make up almost 75% of the population I'm guessing I'm not the only one who can relate to these struggles. 

Being an Ne dom it does get a bit irritating when my ESxx family members (Parents ESFJ, sis ESTP) don't understand why I get so pumped up about discussing the Bootstrap Paradox when I can go and 'do something useful'. Reading a book = wasting time, discussing theories is useless, and if I want to prove that I love writing about random stuff I have to go enter that writing competition and win a prize to prove it. 

See the thing is, being an INxP with Extroverted Intuition as my dom function I get energised through discussing and debating theories, doesn't matter how far-stretched they seem. It's basically the only thing that can make me go on talking for hours without getting tired. Most of the time when I am in need of a good debate I go over to my ENTP friend and we'll go on discussing random stuff for hours. 

But the thing is I can't do that with my family members. I'm not saying I want to change them into intuitives, but I think my parents are trying to convert me to a sensor. They tell me to focus on the present and lecture me for hours if I start using my Ne (which is unfortunately what I use most). They try to make me use Se instead, which I absolutely _fail_ at, and acts like I just failed a science test or something if I stop thinking about the present for one second. If I want to experiment with something new they say it's a waste of time. 
I've been trying to use Se (which I don't really use naturally. I use quite a lot of Si though) but it just gets tiring. I need tips on how to convince my parents that intuition isn't a bad thing. GUYS I NEED ADVICE!!


_ADD_
My mum (ESFJ) actually used to be an ENFJ when she was younger and daydreamed a lot, but her sensing parents 'fixed' her and she was brought up being told that not living in the present was a fault. I guess being an Fe dom she easily mirrors the values around her and thus took on the value that intuition wasn't something to be proud of.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

They just seem a bit vapid and overly concerned with being normal probably because of their upbringing.

Your mum can't have changed types, so she's probably suppressing her natural tendencies herself to appear normal. 

It's probably better to keep your theories to yourself around them and discuss your theories with other people.


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

My dad's family is almost entirely Intuitives, and my mom's family is almost entirely Sensors, and yeah there's a HUGE difference. When I was younger I was super inhibited around my mom's family because they just didn't get me and the way I expressed myself. Whenever I would talk, they would chuckle and pat me on the head and make me feel like a baby. While around my Intuitive side of the family, I was crazy and expressive and never stopped talking. Its sad how much of a difference it makes. I've always had so much fun with my Intuitive family and was always so bored with my Sensing family. But, the older I've gotten, the less of a distinction it is. I've found ways to have fun with my Sensing family, like recently some of us played LIFE together at a family party and I was surprised at how much fun I was having and how I was finally able to sort of express myself around them and show them who I was.


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## Lelu (Jun 1, 2015)

You have to pick and choose how you discuss things with them. Also, don't listen to their advice in absolutes. Take the parts that work for you and use them, but don't live a life that you don't want to live.


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## stormgirl (May 21, 2013)

I was also the only intuitive in a family of sensors. It was especially bad when I was a kid because my parents didn’t get me at all, and even sided with bullies and agreed that I was a “weird kid”, and that I needed to try to be more like others and fit in. They thought it was bizarre that I liked to play alone so much.

Things were better when I got older, but they never did fully get me. My views were always different to them. I just learned to accept it. The older I got the more we found in common, and the better our conversations became. I feel they learned a lot from me, and I opened myself up to learning from them as well. Despite some of the struggles, I love them dearly, and feel they helped make me who I am.

My advice for the OP is to openly discuss Myers Briggs. I did the test on both my parents, and it was a really neat experience for them to see themselves in a different light, and gave them a chance to better understand why I was so different. Maybe if you approach it that way, they may be more willing to listen and see your differences explained.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

Oh so sensors aren't imaginative? 

Typical typist.


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## Lunaena (Nov 16, 2013)

charlie.elliot said:


> My dad's family is almost entirely Intuitives, and my mom's family is almost entirely Sensors, and yeah there's a HUGE difference. When I was younger I was super inhibited around my mom's family because they just didn't get me and the way I expressed myself. Whenever I would talk, they would chuckle and pat me on the head and make me feel like a baby. While around my Intuitive side of the family, I was crazy and expressive and never stopped talking. Its sad how much of a difference it makes. I've always had so much fun with my Intuitive family and was always so bored with my Sensing family. But, the older I've gotten, the less of a distinction it is. I've found ways to have fun with my Sensing family, like recently some of us played LIFE together at a family party and I was surprised at how much fun I was having and how I was finally able to sort of express myself around them and show them who I was.


I actually have experienced the same. My father's family is full of intuitives and Ne-doms, while my mother's side is full of Si-users. Strange.


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## JTHearts (Aug 6, 2013)

You people aren't any better or different from us sensors.


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## Lunaena (Nov 16, 2013)

JTHearts said:


> You people aren't any better or different from us sensors.


Not better or worse, but I do find sensors and intuitives to be different, just like thinkers and feelers are, or perceivers and judgers. I do agree that there is unnecessary typism going on, but sharing experiences and feelings about being the only one of this or that in a family can be helpful when receiving advice from others who has experienced the same.

Would like to add that I haven't read detailed through this thread yet, so I don't know how much typism there is here.


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## ArmchairCommie (Dec 27, 2015)

As an ISTJ I would like to say to concur with @JTHearts in the fact that there is too much typism in this thread. The article listed above seems to be rallying against Se dominant and auxiliaries, in the fact that it says stuff such as "Your family’s definition of ‘bonding time’ is going ice-skating together." Si dominants such as myself are much more mental than physical and I personally love to discuss theories with my friends all the time. But then again, I have mistyped myself as an INxx in the past so it could be that I am still affected from my time of being mistyped.

Nevertheless, my main point is that not all sensors are dumb, unimaginative people. ISFPs are some of the most creative people in the world. ISTJs such as myself often have encyclopedic troves of knowledge regarding any large number of subjects. There is absolutely no reason that intuitives and sensors can not get along, IMHO the difference between introverts and extroverts is ten times greater than any differences there are between intuitives and sensors. 

But regarding your case specifically @Lsjnzy13, I would just try and be more modest and nice around them and if you fail to convince the coolness of your ideas then try to compromise and meet them halfway there. If all else fails, just discuss your theories with your friends who will listen to you, if they do not like science then you can't convince them to change their opinions. Also people aren't able to change their MBTI types, your personality type can evolve and you can try to suppress certain areas to conform to society but you can never switch to another type. Either you mother was mistyped before and is truly an ESFJ or she is being mistyped now and she is actually just a conforming ENFJ. Though ENFJ are notorious for being able to persuade others, not to be influenced themselves, so the former case is much more probable.


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## 318138 (Oct 1, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> Oh so sensors aren't imaginative?
> 
> Typical typist.


Where did I generalise and say all sensors aren't imaginative? I'm just saying the truth about MY family, did I say that this applies to everyone? No.


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## 318138 (Oct 1, 2015)

JTHearts said:


> You people aren't any better or different from us sensors.


I'm just stating a fact of what happens when I let my N side out around my S family. I didn't say, nor was I implying that Intuition was superior to Sensing.


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## 318138 (Oct 1, 2015)

A message to sensors reading this thread:

I'm not trying to imply that I think intuitives are superior to sensors, because I don't. In my question I was stating a fact of what happens when I use Ne around my sensing parents. I'm not generalising all sensors to some stupid stereotype. Most of my friends are sensors and we get along perfectly and our N/S doesn't clash. If it seemed as if I was being typist, my apologies.


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## KDoswald (Jan 5, 2016)

Am I the only sensor not seeing any typism in this thread? I don't see the OP generalising all sensors and saying they're all like his/her parents, the OP is only stating what his/her family is like. People can get so unecessarily defensive sometimes &#55357;&#56834; 

Anyway as for your question @Lsjnzy13, like a user said before me try introducing your parents to MBTI. That's what I did when my Feeling parents called me Donald Trump because apparently "I don't give a crap about other people's feelings". Kind of hilarious actually. But at least now they understand I'm just straightforward, not mean. (If any feelers on this thread thinks I'm being typist I'm not. Oh my god guys just because someone might have a problem getting along with someone else of a different type than them and they vent it out on PerC it doesn't mean they're typist!)

Or maybe just try not letting your Ne out. Since Se won't come to you naturally maybe use your Si instead. ESFJs use Si as well so your parents should be able to understand you. Save your 'theory debates' for bonding time with your ENTP friend. 

Oh yeah and one last thing, as many have said before me functions are pretty much inborn so your mum might be an ENFJ trying to be 'normal'.


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## KDoswald (Jan 5, 2016)

Lsjnzy13 said:


> If it seemed as if I was being typist, my apologies.


No need to apologise. People are just over sensitive.


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## Retsu (Aug 12, 2011)

Lsjnzy13 said:


> A message to sensors reading this thread:
> 
> I'm not trying to imply that I think intuitives are superior to sensors, because I don't. In my question I was stating a fact of what happens when I use Ne around my sensing parents. I'm not generalising all sensors to some stupid stereotype. Most of my friends are sensors and we get along perfectly and our N/S doesn't clash. If it seemed as if I was being typist, my apologies.


Nah, you weren't being typist. You're just frustrated. Ignore him.
@KDoswald It is a certainty in life for people to get defensive over nothing. It's annoying isn't it


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## kensor (Jul 10, 2011)

Nonsense. Equality under the law is different in character from differences on a race track, in a boxing ring, in a science lab, or at a chess board. There are different preferences of intelligence -- read Howard Gardner -- just as there are different preferences of personality -- read Carl Jung and Isabel Myers. There are natural characteristics about which society forbids legal and cultural discrimination, but that does not mean that differences do not exist. Levels of politeness may facilitate movement around differences, but its transparency does not make them vanish.


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## JacksonHeights (Nov 6, 2015)

I usually don't have problems with SFs, but rather STs. SFs can be imaginative too and also I love their Fe rants that they're famous for, especially since my Fe is really developed. But dealing with STs can be really frustrating, since they're workaholics and hate discussing anything touchy-feely.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

_*deleted*


_Bah, humbug.


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

If its any comfort I grew up with all intuitives (with the exception of my one ESFP older sis who was not even in the same household anyways). Was about split with Ni & Ne, but my mother ruled the roost and was Ni dom. (eh thats my inferior function). Lets just say I got treated like an idiot regularly, but then when I would call it out I was just being dramatic. Um no, now that I am older and read alot on functions I can see clear as day what was happening. Anyways my mother and my lil sis definitely had a tendency to really make me feel like an airhead constant for not thinking just like them. 

Point I just wanted to extend I understand how much it sucks to be outnumbered. Also another point is its not just sensors who can get stuck in their own ideology a household of intuitives can equally be one dimensional as far as one track thinking on how things should be. 

I would offer to you this tho. Theres advantages to growing up opposite of your own functions. I consider myself pretty damn versatile and cultured because of the influence of my intuitive family. I would try and take the good with the bad and suggest you try and appreciate alot of the things you are learning that your under estimating. Yes I know that does not eliminate that your parents are definitely not recognizing what makes you special.


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