# Is Polyamory Rational?



## EclecticAgenda (Jul 12, 2014)

Are my threesomes unsustainable?

Discuss.


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## Harizu (Apr 27, 2014)

I don't know, what do you mean by polyamory here?
Simply having threesomes? Well that's something I would try I guess.
Being in multiple relationships? This is something I would never do. I know I'd be too jealous to "share" a partner with anyone else romantically, and I would never be in a relationship with more than one person because that's tiring and also my brain seems to love only a person at a time.


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

I don't know what 'rational' has to do with polyamorous relationships. You can make it like a business deal and treat it as such... but that's not much of a relationship, is it? A 'rational' deduction might reach the conclusion that it's anything but an intimate relationship.


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

like another thing is considering who is involved, the nature of the relationship amongst each person and so on... you can't really possess someone anyway, so it can be healthy to be open about it. But I don't think that's how 'rational' really works... that's why it comes down so much to who it is though; you can't choose who you want to be intimidate with, it's kind of an impulse.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Depends on the rationale.


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## Stelmaria (Sep 30, 2011)

Wellsy said:


> Depends on the rationale.


What he said.

It really depends on the people involved, but most people can't handle the drama of one relationship let alone having that drama multiplied exponentially.


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## LetsHarmonize (May 29, 2014)

Is ANY amorous relationship rational? 

I, for one, don't think any kind of affection is rational. Affection doesn't come from logic. It comes from emotions.

Maybe you should rephrase your question. :tongue:


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## OkWhat (Feb 28, 2014)

Polyamory is rooted more in economics than love. I am assuming you have access to the internet and being ENTP have logical reasoning. 

Here is the hint: 

If you look through history, the men with the most wives had the most power and wealth. Is this related to the man's narcissism? well probably a little, but the main driving force is the woman's instinct to provide the highest odds of her children's survival. It is amazing how many cultural practices can be traced back through a man's ego related to a woman's wants or needs.


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## Chiaroscuro (Jul 10, 2012)

Animals (including humans) were never meant to be monogamous. We are all designed to reproduce like rabbits. We humans consider ourselves a bit more advanced so we make up all of these rules. That said, I have a girlfriend who I am loyal to and vice versa, I prefer it that way for obvious reasons.


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## st0831 (Jul 13, 2010)

If you look beyond the borders of the heteronormal monogamous society box.

You will see the different types of love that humans are capable of. 

Some people value animals higher than human life. Is that rational? Yes, they love them in that it becomes a part of a person's life; No, a societal preference of animals over humans lead to extinction.

There are actually polygamous/polyamorous "tribal" societies that have existed. In terms of childrearing, I guess this can save a lot of time by sharing responsibilities and provide a more diversified personality exposure.


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## Vandrer (Jun 26, 2014)

If three people share the a romantic love for each other ( 1v2 1v3 2v3 ) then it would be perfectly raional. All other constallations can also be perfectly rational. But it would require some people who are not jealous of nature. It would be hard, but as logical as a normal relationship.

I do not see a reason it should be irrational, just a bit harder to maintain as you are maintaining several relationships at once.


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## The Joker (Jan 31, 2013)

Men are polygamous by nature. It has nothing to do with types, rational or not ... is animal, women want the best, it is natural. And love does not exist, never existed, I just love deceive the women because they like me to fuck them and show my face to stick with novels with bitching.


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## MissAverage (Aug 7, 2014)

Polyamory is more of a moral issue than "rational". 

People can find a way to rationalize almost anything, especially when the parameters are emotional or moral in nature. 

But since you ask the question, I will play along.

To me, monogomy is more " rational " than polygamy or polyamory for the simple reason that I would cut a b*tch if she tried to share a man with me.


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## MissAverage (Aug 7, 2014)

@TheJoker 
So the desire for sex is natural but the desire for love is not? I think your opinions are too generalized.


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## XZ9 (Nov 16, 2013)

Has there ever been studies conducted if Polyamory is an effective way of making people happy?Even more so than one-on-one relationships? If not, then polyamory isn't rational. To define rational, it means according to logic and reason. Is it rational for people to pick choices that brings the best output of happiness. 

I couldn't imagine having several relationships at once working. Let's face it, people will always favor certain people over each other and polyamory relationships falls apart when people start to get jealous.


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## TimeGirl (Jul 23, 2014)

I'll tell you even more then that: Monogamy is irrational!

Here's the way I see it:
Let's say you have a child, and then another one is born. Do you stop loving the first one? Hint: Of course you don't! You can love both of them at the same time!
Same goes with pets and friends and, obviously, non-platonic love.
That's the simple explanation.

*Now, what about loyalty and stuff?*
Let me tell you something - it's all crap.
The only one you should be loyal to is yourself. If you're doing something that isn't completely right for you or absolutely true to your desires, then it's bad. Of course you can give up a little bit for the people you love, and you should! But giving up on yourself isn't the way. I'm not saying you should sleep with any one you see on the street and I definitely don't support cheating, what I'm saying is that it's ok to love a few people at the same time, and if you are open about it and aren't lying, then it's absolutely ok. People assume that you have to choose one and love only them for the rest of your life, but that's just impossible and irrational. I think that if you do it right, you can be in a healthy and lovely polyamory relationship.

*But how do I do it right?*
Simple.
You can wear your favourite red shirt one day, and the other day you can wear your favourite green dress! The shirt isn't going to get offended, right? You're just "following your heart" and doing exactly what you want at the very moment! THAT's what polyamory is all about! It's about living the moment and doing only what you really want at this exact point! It's not cheating, because everything is open and no one is lying. One moment you want to hang out with X, and the very next night you want to sleep with Y, and you're not lying to X about it, you tell them, because it's an open relationship and everyone gets to do everything they want and only what they want, so no one gets offended.

*But if I'm having two relationships with two different people, doesn't it mean I love each one of them less?*
Of course not! On the contrary - each one of them knows that you can be with anyone you'd like and do anything you want, because it's an open relationship. So when you're actually with them they feel even more loved, because they know the only reason you're being with them right now is because that's really what you want to do. Isn't that great? And I'm sure the only thing both of them would want for you is to be happy, and if that's what makes you happy, they'll accept it. And, who knows, maybe they also have another partner? Wouldn't you be happy for them?
Besides, love doesn't work like that. It's not like we have an ending amount of love we can share with only several people - we have an endless love! We have incredible imagination that helps us feel connected with countless people we don't even know in real life! We can get attached to a pencil by giving it a name, and we can actually love it!

One can't simply waste someone's love, they can only make it bigger.


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## MissAverage (Aug 7, 2014)

Only an intp would consider pencils and tshirts a suitable comparision to make a point about romantic relationships lol ;-). 

You cant generalize "love" with romantic love. Saying you have enough "love" to go around is sort of silly. When youre in a romantic relationship you engage in sex. Sex is a big deal, apparently a bigger deal than some of you think. If you dont see that it's irrational to be having sex with multiple partners then you arent thinking clearly. Youre also not considering the *emotional* repercussions of polygamy. A truely rational decision involves taking all aspects of possible consequenses into account. This includes jealousy. Its far more rational to engage in monogamy vs polygamy for reason of unnecessarily rousing feelings of jealousy or inadequacy in your spouse. Is it possible to love more than one person? Probably. But does that make it a rational choice just because some people are capable of doing it? No.


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## Stelmaria (Sep 30, 2011)

"Is Polyamory Rational?" is in my view, the wrong question to ask because it is only rational or irrational relative to a particular worldview. Better questions to as would be long the lines of "Are those who participate in polyamous behaviours throughout their life more content than those who do not'? But even then it will be a self-selected group, with findings more useful for those who wish to make the choice versus those who do not.



TimeGirl said:


> One can't simply waste someone's love, they can only make it bigger.


Love is a feeling that we can experience by spending time with *special someones*. 

Let me put it this way. If we were to date 1000 people the same time, although we still have the same overall capacity for love, the amount of time we could feel love for each person is diluted. 

The other aspect is that humans have difficulty experiencing multiple emotions at once and one experience will tend to colour our other experiences. An example is the relationship experiences of parents towards one child do colour the relationships towards their other children, in both positive and negative ways.


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## Mikasa (Jun 15, 2013)

You might find the following articles to be interesting:


The Prairie Vole (Microtus ochrogaster): An Animal Model for Behavioral Neuroendocrine Research on Pair Bonding


Study says gene encourages monogamy - The Boston Globe


Vole Brains and Why You Should Care About Them | Psychology Today


I did a study on this species and topic during my Bachelor's program. I'd say this is merely one of a _few _different ways you could rationalize it!


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## EclecticAgenda (Jul 12, 2014)

I can say, with confidence, that exploring polyamory has greatly reduced my jealous tendencies towards romantic paranoia. 

Simply put, you gotta face your demons to own them. 

Also, I am confident I can be involved successfully in a loving, three-person relationship with two other compatible types and I think C. Jung's little typology here makes it a lot more possible to pull something like that off.


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