# Girlfriend Not Calling On Vacation



## Clonester

My girlfriend of five months is visiting California for 17 days. So far she's been gone 13 days. She's visiting her half sister (along with family and friends). They all went to Vegas for five days as well.

Our agreed primary form of communication with each other was going to be through private messaging on Facebook, with her calling me from her sister's phone on occasion. She never gave me her sister's phone # to call her. I also gave her five love cards to open on specific dates. She left on a Saturday and I messaged her later that night saying I hope she arrives safe & has a great time. She messaged me back late on Sunday to let me know she was safe and having a great time and will continue to update here and there.

I left her a Facebook message on Tuesday updating her with my life, and added another message Wednesday saying I missed her and hope things are going well in California. I didn't here back from her until Sunday. But she was on Facebook every night from Wednesday to Sunday updating on her wall, telling the world of her trip, and responding to wall posts. But she never got back to me. I was quite angry. From my point of view it looked like she was intentionally ignoring me. 

She finally called the next Sunday (five days after my initial message) and talked for 10 minutes. I asked her why she was ignoring me. I wasn't ok with her doing that. She said that she got the messages on Facebook but was only updating her wall since she was checking them on her smartphone. She said she had read my messages but didn't reply back to anyone's Facebook private messages, much less mine (but it isn't hard to respond back to private mesages on a smartphone). I said fine then, but why couldn't she get in touch for an entire week? She didn't have an answer. We talked for a bit but then she was going to eat supper. Said she would call this week sometime.

So she hasn't called yet, though it's only been three days. But she hasn't messaged me either since day 2. And we're on day 13. I'm not expecting her to be in touch all the time. She's on vacation, and is there to have fun. But she has the time to post everything she does on her Facebook wall and reply to other people's walls, and yet she can't, or doesn't want to, share her experiences with her boyfriend and get in touch withme? She's making no effort at all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect a bit of contact? Something seems off with this...


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## WickedQueen

I would feel ignored and unappreciated too if I were you. I don't like it at all. But maybe different type has different style of communication. Try not to take it too personally and let her have fun. Don't contact her or leave her messages on Facebook/email again until she contact you.

Meanwhile, go have fun and enjoy your temporarily moment as a single guy with your friends. I'm sure everything will be okay again once she comes back. :happy:


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## Clonester

WickedQueen said:


> I would feel ignored and unappreciated too if I were you. I don't like it at all. But maybe different type has different style of communication. Try not to take it too personally and let her have fun. Don't contact her or leave her messages on Facebook/email again until she contact you.
> 
> Meanwhile, go have fun and enjoy your temporarily moment as a single guy with your friends. I'm sure everything will be okay again once she comes back. :happy:


Am definitely enjoying my life right now, it does feel like I'm single. 

I haven't messaged her since last week. Am not planning to again.


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## Promethea

Firstly, lol.. screw that. I can understand someone needing a break from their significant other (which she is obviously taking more like a mental vacation from you) but she should have at least warned you that she wouldn't feel like communicating much.

I can understand the levels of anxiety and frustration felt when a significant other goes awol. It sucks. What I would do is also a little mental checking out. I would put the whole thing out of my mind and focus on other things until shes ready to 'splain.

And she does gots some 'splainin to do. :dry:


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## timeless

She does have some explaining to do... sending you a message saying that she wanted to talk less than planned would have taken her maybe a minute at most, especially considering that she had the time to respond to other people on facebook.


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## kaycee

I would definitely remember that we all communicate differently, and if she is out there with her family, she might be caught up in that and what they are doing and time moves faster when you are having fun. I understand having the time to post one or two lines on facebook but not really feeling like responding to PMs or phone calls or even texts. 

You did have an agreed upon communication plan, but maybe she thought she would be able to do it at the time.

In any case, your feelings are valid because feelings are always valid imo. Don't message her again until she contacts you, and when she gets back and finally does, then you guys can talk about it.


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## sofort99

Get a new girlfriend. This one is defective.


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## headnurse

The hardest thing to do in a relationship when the other person wants space is to give it to them. Relationships function as security blanket and your gf is like a kid who is sleeping with too much blanket and has thrown it off to be more comfortable. She'll need it again soon. Wait until she contacts you from vacation, don't plague her.


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## vENOMIZEd

Find other girl, one who cares about you.

This girl just cares about her stupid trip, make a phone call or send a message is too easy today, there is no excuse.


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## PersonalityCafe

Lol. Stop being so needy, "love cards" sound hella beta and drop her if she isn't doing it for you.


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## Clonester

Promethea said:


> And she does gots some 'splainin to do. :dry:





sofort99 said:


> Get a new girlfriend. This one is defective.


I'm going to have a serious discussion with her when she gets back. More to do with a few other issues in our relationship. Her going away has really cleared my mind to the cause of these issues. I'm ready to break up with her unless she's willing to do a 180 on these issues. And even then...

I was out with some friends on the weekend and one of the guys has known my gf for years. He said she's an attention seeker. She loves having a boyfriend because she has trouble being alone, but in public she looks for attention at the expense of those she cares for. My friends were shocked at how selfish she can be, because she looks like such a sweet, caring girl from the outside. But she lacks empathy and looks out for her needs with little understanding of how others will react. And doesn't understand why others make a big deal when she doesn't treat them well. I realized yesterday after my original post that she treats her family this way. BIG red flag. I think it's time to move on. This deal with ignoring me is just the "straw that broke the camel's back."

I wasn't expecting constant communication here. She's on vacation. But I figured she would want to share her exciting trip with her bf from time to time. I guess not. Heck, I've done a lot over the past couple weeks I would love to share with her. I guess I wont be. And she communicated to me that she would keep in touch. She hasn't. It's at the point now where I've stopped caring about the relationship. She does "gots some 'splainin to do" lol.


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## vENOMIZEd

You got your red flag, do the right thing now.

No talking, no second chances, there is a lot of better women out there.


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## Matchbook

Clonester, allow me to throw an idea out there, and you can deem whether it is accurate or innaccurate. If it's inaccurate, then pardon me. Are you the type of guy who gets rather emotionally dependent on your girlfriend, in that you feel more secure when you are around her and are in constant communication with her? If so, you may be coming across as clingy. There is a line that is difficult to detect that separates Dedicated from Dependent, and usually the one on the receiving end of the dependence is consciously or unconsciously aware of it and feels pressured and claustrophobic in the relationship. This is because there is an unspoken pressure for the dependee to deliver some form of security and soothing to the dependent.

If this is the case, she may be partly taking a vacation from you so that she can detach from the enmeshment of the relationship and have time to herself to think and act in a more independent fashion. And if I am correct in my theory of your actions, I am not saying that you don't truly love her (the love note interval things are a nice touch), but that you may be pushing too hard for it. True love is two independent people sharing themselves with each other while maintaining their inner independence, their needs, and who they are.

I think that the best thing you can do is to allow her to finish out her time there, and don't call her or contact her. Just wait. And when she gets back, don't bring it up immediately, or show the hurt or concern in your demeanor that she might be expecting and that might make her defensive. Accept that she needed that breathing room, and welcome her with gladness. And if she doesn't bring it up in a week or so, you can ask her about it in a way like, "What was it like for you in California when we weren't in communication very much? Was it helpful for you to have some space for awhile?" Then she may respond. You would be asking HER about how SHE feels, instead of telling her how you felt, and then bringing her into defensiveness and guilt. After she explains herself, share how and why it was difficult for you, but that you respect what she needed, and look at what that means for both your needs in the future.

(By the way, I had a similar experience. I had a girlfriend who was very clingy and needy, and I went to California to see family, and it felt depressing being away from her because I was myself dependent on being needed, but I just wanted to separate my mind from the relationship, and only called her once during the week. I needed it big time.)


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## vel

information is too limited here to make a judgement

how was your relationship with her before the trip?
anything significant events happen before she left?


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## Clonester

Matchbook said:


> Clonester, allow me to throw an idea out there, and you can deem whether it is accurate or innaccurate. If it's inaccurate, then pardon me. Are you the type of guy who gets rather emotionally dependent on your girlfriend, in that you feel more secure when you are around her and are in constant communication with her? If so, you may be coming across as clingy.


Not really. I have lots of hobbies and friends that keep me occupied. Even while she's been gone I've spent a lot of nights out with friends having fun. We saw each other maybe twice a week, and talk or text for a bit most days. Our initiating calling is about 50/50 or 60/40 she calls more.

SHE'S actually very much the clingy type. I was away on a five day camping trip earlier in August and she called me everyday. The one time she called she asked me four times if I missed her. Sometimes she's all over me physically. So much so that my close friend says we should get a room. But she's not as clingy with me as she was with her ex. They saw each other every day and she smothered him. Which is why they broke up.

I really think it has more to do with maybe her interest level/unsure about things. And she has a lot of issues, seeks attention to boost her self esteem, but lacks empathy. She seeks out her own needs and doesn't really look out for or understand the other person's needs. Right now she's getting all the attention she needs from California and posting her adventures on Facebook. I'm just an afterthought right now.

*What I'm not cool about:* She's putting in NO effort to contact me, and she said she would keep in touch but hasn't. Meanwhile she's been posting all over Facebook.


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## Matchbook

Clonester said:


> Not really. I have lots of hobbies and friends that keep me occupied. Even while she's been gone I've spent a lot of nights out with friends having fun. We saw each other maybe twice a week, and talk or text for a bit most days. Our initiating calling is about 50/50 or 60/40 she calls more.
> 
> SHE'S actually very much the clingy type. I was away on a five day camping trip earlier in August and she called me everyday. The one time she called she asked me four times if I missed her. Sometimes she's all over me physically. So much so that my close friend says we should get a room. But she's not as clingy with me as she was with her ex. They saw each other every day and she smothered him. Which is why they broke up.
> 
> I really think it has more to do with maybe her interest level/unsure about things. And she has a lot of issues, seeks attention to boost her self esteem, but lacks empathy. She seeks out her own needs and doesn't really look out for or understand the other person's needs. Right now she's getting all the attention she needs from California and posting her adventures on Facebook. I'm just an afterthought right now.
> 
> *What I'm not cool about:* She's putting in NO effort to contact me, and she said she would keep in touch but hasn't. Meanwhile she's been posting all over Facebook.


Thank you for your response, that was helpful. In this case, where she is the dependent one, there is another view to consider. Of course you'll have to look at the possibility of whether she is losing interest in the relationship or feeling unfulfilled. Dependent people and clingy people, as much as they immerse themselves in relationships, always end up feeling unfulfilled no matter how good the person is for them, unless they learn to overcome their insecurities. It just turns into one boyfriend or girlfriend after another. If she is starting to feel unfulfilled, it's an issue to look at. I don't know what your relationship has been like so far, so you'd know better than me.

The other issue to consider is that she still is very attached to you, and really wants to be with you, but when she is apart from you, it hurts too much for her to talk to you on the phone and contact you on Facebook because it brings all of the feelings of the relationship up, yet she can't be with you. So it's easier to try to put the relationship out of her mind as much as possible to avoid constant feelings of loss and discontent. That is another thing I have observed with dependent individuals. When they are separated from their dependee or are apart from other people of value, they try to block it all out to avoid the pain of separation.

Those are a couple of ideas. If indeed your girlfriend is clingy, be careful, because those insecurities can become major problems and keep the relationship from moving forward in a healthy, stable way. You described her physical neediness, which is a caution sign that she may be looking for validation and soothing through physical touch, because of how real and tangible the love feels. To an insecure individual touch often feels like a more trustworthy form of love than words. Again, since she can't physically touch you and be around you now, it may be very hard for her right now, so she's throwing all her effort into finding validation through her Facebooking and whatever else.

There are several different factors that can lead a person to become clingy and dependent, but I won't go into that now. But I encourage you, consider whether this is a healthy relationship, and what might need to change. She needs to have more security with herself, loving herself, knowing she's loved, and that will lead to her being less fixated on trying to feel loved, and will allow her to handle times apart more easily. She needs to believe that from within herself. When she does, she'll be less focussed on scrambling to meet all of her perceived needs for validation and soothing, and she'll instead adjust to where she begins perceiving where others need it.


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## SlowPoke68

I think it's likely she's getting all the attention she needs from her family in CA. So many fun things to do! So many new people to meet!

So as long as her own needs are fulfilled, you know . . . that's what's important. :dry:

Remember the barber's advice about women: "NEXT!!!!!"


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## Isis

Nice...

I just wonder if clonester needed to vent a bit, because that certainly sounds like rather bad girlfriend behavior. "I didn't respond to anyone" is kind of a diss when you're talking to your main squeeze.

But why thrash through all of it? If you think it sucks, and it feels like it sucks, and your friends also think it sucks, probably it sucks, and you should move on.

Try reading "he's just not that into you" (but replace "she" for "he" as you read). If she's not calling, she's not that into you, so why bother yourself about it, unless it's helping you in some way?


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## Clonester

Matchbook: That sounds exactly like how her life has gone so far, and she's very insecure. I'm a very healthy and mature guy. Her dating history has been with guys who give her attention for sex, but she confuses it for love. Then they treat her bad, or just don't genuinely love her. Now that she's in a healthy relationship I don't think she knows what to make of it. She is probably confused. But that's no excuse to treat me poorly (more with other issues in our relationship than with this incident). Her insecurities have created some issues and instability that shouldn't be in a healthy relationship.

Slowpoke and Isis: I did need to vent a bit. The problem is not being able to act on it while she is away. Otherwise I would have spoken with her/broken up last weekend. If nothing else all this thinking has clarified what I need to do. This relationship is heading nowhere fast.


I bet once she gets back she'll be extra clingy and nice since she wont have her sister's family and friends giving her attention. I'm glad for one thing during her vacation- It's given me a chance to see the relationship for what it really is. Awesome on the outside but hollow on the inside.

Thanks everyone for the feedback.


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## Matchbook

Clonester, do you know how you are planning on handle the situation after she gets back? Do you plan to confront her about her insecure actions and look for a resolution? Or are you planning on ending things? Whatever you do, you have the opportunity to be the guy in her life that helps her to see these problems and shows her how things can change. But don't take the responsibility to MAKE it happen for her.


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## OrangeAppled

When I first read this, I immediately empathized.... I only called my bf once when on vacation, although I made no promises either. I admit the effort I did make was out of a sense of obligation so as not to hurt his feelings - I really felt little desire to talk.

I hate the phone, and I don't find updating people on my day to day events to be stimulating conversation, and absence from someone doesn't seem to affect how I feel - I can feel connected to someone without talking to them for an extended amount of time. 

It would make me feel suffocated if someone couldn't go a mere two weeks without constant contact. I'd think an message & one phone call would suffice for that time period.... However, it sounds like you have a lot of other problems in the relationship, and that her need for some space is not due to introversion or being a very independent person. If you haven't already, then discuss openly your concerns, without pointing fingers. Avoid ascribing her bad motive, and let her explain herself. She really may be oblivious to the implications you see in her behavior. If you make her aware of it, and she does care, then she should make an effort to be clearer in the signals she sends.


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## The Proof

Clonester said:


> I said fine then, but why couldn't she get in touch for an entire week?


because you're a control freak, it's no wonder she needs some time away from you

"love cards"? no, mind control mechanism

just the fact you keep track like "she was gone 13 out of 17 days" screams of insanity

and calling her to basically yell at her for not "keeping you up to date" is NOT helping your relationship and reeks of neediness; hello, she's on vacation!

as far as I'm concerned you owe her an apology for being a controlling bugger and an immediate commitment to improving yourself, if she still wants a relationship with you


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## Clonester

Matchbook said:


> Clonester, do you know how you are planning on handle the situation after she gets back? Do you plan to confront her about her insecure actions and look for a resolution? Or are you planning on ending things? Whatever you do, you have the opportunity to be the guy in her life that helps her to see these problems and shows her how things can change. But don't take the responsibility to MAKE it happen for her.


Yeah, I'm going to give her a bit of time and space to settle back in, then meet with her in person to talk. I'll bring up the issues and gauge her reaction. She's self centered, so she probably doesn't even realize she's causing issues in the relationship. She has some wonderful qualities, and the ENFP in me would love to be that guy who helps her see what's going on and make changes. But at the same time, the best thing for me is to be in a healthy relationship. Not to be drained by a girl with many issues. She has a horrible past, and this causes her to look for attention, approval, and reassurance from others. Oftentimes me, right now her sister and her friends, and the world of Facebook. Because she always takes and rarely gives, it's very draining and frustrating, despite having a lot of fun together and some very memorable dates.

It will be a tough decision, but I've been leaning heavily towards breaking up with her. If she is willing to deal with these problems, I would have to back off and give her time and space to deal with her issues. But you can't fix people. They may or may not change. And you can't force them to love you back.



The Proof said:


> because you're a control freak, it's no wonder she needs some time away from you


That's funny, she told me she loves that I'm not controlling. She's had some very controlling boyfriends before. Try reading the entire thread next time. Just because I'm not indifferent to her doesn't mean I'm controlling. I put reasonable effort into the relationship. The love cards aren't sappy (except one), they are there to say hi and let her know I hope she has a great time and talk through letter form. 

If my girlfriend says she is going to keep in touch and then doesn't, I don't see how that's controlling. If she's on Facebook everyday, how hard is it to reply back to me? If anything, I probably have the opposite problem. Letting things slide that she does in the relationship which I should probably address right away. You can fault me for that.

It is interesting on a social level the variety of responses. From I should definitely break up with her, to she has explaining to do, to I wouldn't call you either if I was on vacation, to I'm being controlling. It shows how different we all are.

*Orange Appled*: There is the introversion/extroversion card in play. She is introverted, I'm extroverted. Sometimes she needs a bit of space. I need social stimulation. 

But if she had told me she wasn't going to be in touch or would just call once I wouldn't have minded at all. But she communicated the opposite, that she would call and she would message me on Facebook. But hasn't. Like I said earlier, my early post was just venting my frustration more than anything. There are bigger issues in play.


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## lylyness

Wow. Reading this thread and most people thinks you should break up over this? Huh? 

If there are other issues in the relationship then, well, explore those issues. But as far as not calling you.... chill. She did contact you, and provided she didn't specify how frequently she was going to contact you, she upheld her part of the agreement. Maybe she's not thinking about you all the time, is that so wrong? And she has those cards, so she probably is thinking of you. I feel like if I were given cards to open like that, it'd be to replace the need to directly contact you almost... does that make sense?

If it's really severely bothering you then you need to discuss it with her. But I wouldn't let your feelings be hurt by this. And if you do break up with her, I hope you have some way more compelling reasons to than you missed her while she was on vacation.


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## pinkrasputin

It's as basic as this: You don't like her communication style. There are no bad people in this but simply _you need something/someone different._ Would you be willing to put up with this type of communication for years to come? It's not for you. Don't stay and hope you can change her. Don't blame her and tell her she "should be different." You see the things that frustrate you: the Facebook posting, etc. I am sure in her own mind she can justify it. But are you willing to put up with someone who gives you so little when you need more?

Be careful about listening to your friends about her character. Stick with what you've seen and know in your heart. You will be firmer in your decisions this way. Friends can reaffirm what you already knew, but make sure you are making your own decision based on what you know about her. 

I wouldn't get into game playing such as "no more contacting her" or "making her pay by avoiding her when she gets back". Games are stupid and manipulative. Don't expect to change her or trick her with your indifference. You are who you are. You are a person who craves communication. You are a person who values _more_ contact when she is not with you.

Many people will validate what she is doing. Many people will knock you down for you being you and needing her to talk to you on her vacation. But inevitably, you both are who you are. Perhaps you both are great people, yet not compatible. And if you stay together you will have the ability to frustrate each other for years to come.


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## ENTrePenuer

Someone is eating the cookies out of your jar.


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## floccinaucinihilipilifica

I've been through this. Then I told myself to stop caring, so I did. Give her a chance to miss you.


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## Black Rabbit

So, I'm actually kind of curious what happened in the end.


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## Promethea

Troisi said:


> So, I'm actually kind of curious what happened in the end.


Agreed. Don't leave us hangin'. : P


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## kaycee

I third this.


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## Clonester

Troisi said:


> So, I'm actually kind of curious what happened in the end.


I'm still in disbelief as to what has happened. 

Our relationship, in a nutshell, has been up and down. We've had some great times together, and we both appreciate each other as people. But she still had some unresolved feelings from her past relationship (even though she thought she didn't) and some issues from her past. Both these affected our relationship, where she would be hot and cold at times, and doing things that weren't respectful and fair to me.

The time and space to think while she was away was very good as it opened my eyes to the problems in the relationship. I realized, in talking with a couple close friends and thinking the matter through, that I needed to break up with her. I picked her up from the airport last Monday, and she was acting distant with me. I had decided to give her a few days to settle in and then talk with her on Friday. Really, at this point in time, I had stopped caring about the relationship to a large extent.

Friday comes around, I had arranged the day before to meet with her and talk. I met her at her home and we walked to a nearby park. She genuinely seemed happy to see me, but my resolve was still firm. I brought up the issues and told her how this was affecting me and the relationship negatively. She shared that she should have waited longer to start dating me and given herself more time to sort out her feelings. When she was gone she was shocked that she didn't really want to get in contact with me while she was away. But as I brought up each issue she was really sorry for treating me poorly. At the end, I gave her a chance to talk first, and she wanted to make things work. She realized I had done a lot in the relationship and she needed to do her part. She wanted the relationship to continue. I thought the entire conversation went well, so I told her I would give the relationship another chance if she was willing to do her part. But if things didn't improve, I wouldn't be afraid to break up.

So we went out that night, and Saturday night. And she was all over me both nights. We had a lot of fun. I was skeptical though Sunday night. How long would this last. We made arrangements to spend the day together (Monday) since we were both off from work. We just had a blast together and she treated me well the way I had always envisioned our relationship being. I made her laugh and shared some interesting stories. She told me later in the afternoon that she wanted to give me something, so we went out to a park and talked for a bit. She gave me an envelope with a card and a letter in it...


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## Clonester

(continued)

The letter shared that she had some great times with me but also mixed feelings. She said yes to a relationship because she saw me as a great person, but didn't realize she was still suffering from her breakup. She hadn't treated me very well. She saw that I really poured my heart out to her, but she realized while she was away on vacation that (despite trying) she couldn't do the same. So she was resolved to break up with me when she got back.

When we talked Friday night, she wasn't sure what to expect. But the more we talked, the more she realized she was CRAZY for ever doubting the relationship. She felt a powerful feeling she had never felt with me before and didn't want to lose me. She was blessed to have me in her life and would be foolish to let me go. ( roud: ) She wants to start over where her heart is completely mine. She loves me and trusts in our relationship, and that it will continue to grow. She thanked me for being so patient and loving with her.

The card was a love card. The letter and card was just so sweet and sincere. The past few days have been great. It feels like she is 100% with me, instead of wavering in her love and commitment. Our relationship is still growing now that we're five months in. But at least now it has hope.


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## sofort99

She saw you were getting ready to axe her and her ego couldn't handle it.

She's just letting you get good and comfy now.

She is going to drop *you* in less than two weeks. Get ready.


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## pinkrasputin

sofort99 said:


> She saw you were getting ready to axe her and her ego couldn't handle it.
> 
> She's just letting you get good and comfy now.
> 
> She is going to drop *you* in less than two weeks. Get ready.


I'm backing up Sofort. I would be skeptical. She needs to spend some time on her own. 

Some people just have a knee jerk reaction and when someone leaves, they automatically cling. This is whether they really wanted you or not. It's just a habit. It's an immediate reaction to abandonment. 

Can you be sure that you wanting to leave and being okay with leaving isn't the reason she is holding on? 

I think since you guys were both back in town, it was easy to go back to old habits and you got sidetracked. But don't forget about your original intent:



> *I realized,* in talking with a couple close friends and *thinking the matter through*, that *I needed to break up with her.* I picked her up from the airport last Monday, and she was acting distant with me. I had decided to give her a few days to settle in and then talk with her on Friday. *Really, at this point in time, I had stopped caring about the relationship to a large extent.*
> 
> Friday comes around, I had arranged the day before to meet with her and talk. I met her at her home and we walked to a nearby park. She genuinely seemed happy to see me, *but my resolve was still firm*.


The reason I see a huge red flag is because of what she said about how she felt during the distance. She seemed to like the distance between you two _when she was in control of it_:



> I picked her up from the airport last Monday, and she was acting distant with me.





> When she was gone she was shocked that she didn't really want to get in contact with me while she was away.


Do you see what I am saying? I would be very careful and trust your original instincts out of self protection. Don't let someone use you as a rebound. It's very, very painful in the end. You will have yourself to blame if you continue to let her use you to get over her ex.


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## killerB

sofort99 said:


> Get a new girlfriend. This one is defective.





Could not have said it better myself.


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## killerB

pinkrasputin said:


> I would be very careful and trust your original instincts out of self protection. Don't let someone use you as a rebound. It's very, very painful in the end. You will have yourself to blame if you continue to let her use you to get over her ex.



Spoken from one who knows about being a rebound. I also was a rebound, and it is so unfair. Being a rebound will end up making you bitter in the end and it will hurt some other girl, maybe the 'one'.

This is the time to ask for space from her for you and her to sort out what you really want out of this. If it is meant to be, then it WILL be. Date around and give her permission to do the same. However, still date each other. Time will tell.


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## noosabar

If you want to be there, be there. 

Keep your eyes open. People can change for better and worse.

I went back to someone as she did to you, I had mixed emotions over a long termer but made a decision to really commit.
Her friends offered her the same advice as the above people have to you, I was in 100% however the peer pressure had broken her and the relationship failed.

It is possible she is being honest, just be prepared for any outcome. The truth always comes.


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## Clonester

pinkrasputin said:


> Some people just have a knee jerk reaction and when someone leaves, they automatically cling. This is whether they really wanted you or not. It's just a habit. It's an immediate reaction to abandonment.
> 
> Can you be sure that you wanting to leave and being okay with leaving isn't the reason she is holding on?


This is a very real possibility. I thought this was the case until she wrote me the letter and card. There is a lot more to it than what I posted. We actually had a talk part 2 and dealt with the whole rebound issue. When we started dating she was 3 months off a breakup. We both thought she was over it. Well, she was over HIM, but not over the hurt.

In our talk Friday, and in her letter to me, we both addressed that we got into the relationship too soon. Now she's 8 months off the breakup, and we've basically had a month apart from each other since we both went on separate vacations in August at different times. She says her heart is in it 100% now. I think she had issues trusting my love, since she thought her last boyfriend loved her (he didn't really) and wanted to marry her but dumped her rather ungraciously. But in her letter she said she was CRAZY for ever doubting my love. She saw my love was real. Now she wants to "start fresh" and have a normal, healthy relationship. Time will tell if her love is sincere.

She's an ISFP, and I'm not sure how much MBTI comes into play here. But she's very sensitive, which is probably why it took so long for her to heal. And it seems ISFP's sometimes need a little "push" to not procrastinate when it comes to commitment, lol.



noosabar said:


> Keep your eyes open. People can change for better and worse.
> 
> I went back to someone as she did to you, I had mixed emotions over a long termer but made a decision to really commit.
> Her friends offered her the same advice as the above people have to you, I was in 100% however the peer pressure had broken her and the relationship failed.
> 
> It is possible she is being honest, just be prepared for any outcome. The truth always comes.


My eyes are definitely open to the situation. Basically, one of two things can happen:

1) Her love is sincere and we have a good relationship, or

2) Her love fades (see reason in Pinkrasputins's post) and we have to break up.

Either way, I wont know until some time passes. We'll see. Thanks everyone for the advice.


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## NateBoiWhite

Sounds as if the relationship does not have trust at its core, the fact you expect her to call you to check in tells me that you think she may be up to no good or worried about it witch your intuition is shaped off of the way she has conducted herself and her personality. 

Quite possible that she could be interested in others or that you are letting your imagination run wild....

remember familiarity breeds contempt and absence of one breeds attraction.... if she is just rebelling at feeling smothered than leave her alone... Being on your path and doing you is the best thing to attract both her....and someone better who you dont have to have distrust or problems like this with.


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## WilliamGCash

If you want this relationship to last.... act as if you don't care. Stay as aloof as possible.

Don't EVER do that needy shit again - sending her love cards and bombarding her with facebook messages when she's in Vegas and not worried about you.

You see how she's reacting now that she realizes you were almost willing to walk. Stay this way. Stay willing to walk away. Aloof and distant.


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## Neezy

Yo clonester keep it pimping... if she wanna act like that you should keep it moving. Then she'll see!


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## sofort99

@Clonester 

I'd actually like to find out what happened in the end.


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## dagnytaggart

Take it easy. Obviously she wants space, or she's just really busy. Yeah yeah it only takes 2 seconds, but I know for me, when I travel, I just get caught up in the moment.


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## Black Rabbit

Old thread is old. By this time I bet they either had kids already and/or one of them had a sex change.


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