# Guilt Tripping



## Pillow (Apr 17, 2011)

So I got a letter today telling me the amount of money I pay to sponsor a child through a charity organisation is being increased. I don't mind this, but the letter was full of purposefully emotive words and pictures and it got me thinking about how much I hate being guilt tripped into doing something.

If they had just said something like 'we're really sorry but we have to increase the price of sponsorship due to rising costs in this tough economic climate etc.' I would have thought ok, that's fair enough. Instead they write me this 2 page letter about how upset they are about having to cut projects, reducing the quality of life of small and remote communities, not able to build new schools/medical centres/houses/community centres for people who desperately need them, and how I can help them to stop these children being so sad. Then they also included a picture of an 8 year old boy looking really sad and on the back it said something like 'these kids deserve a better life, they aren't getting it because you aren't giving us enough money, you don't want to be responsible for that do you?' (heavily paraphrased)

Does this stuff actually work on people? Not wanting to sound callous, but the first thing I thought when I read the letter was that I should stop giving them money just because they were trying so obviously and shamelessly to manipulate me. Of course, I wouldn't stop giving to a good cause just because I don't like the charity's tactics, but I don't think it's right to attempt to manipulate people in this way.

Is it easier for NT's to cut through the crap, or does everyone actually know they are being manipulated? I think guilt tripping someone is the lowest sort of manipulation and, while I understand to an extent why charities use it, I really don't think they should and it's not fair on the people who fall for it. I mean, I'm already giving them money, they don't need to manipulate me - they only need to ask and state their reasons (which are all good enough) and I will happily give them a bit more if I can.

Now I read this post back, I see that it is just a rant, but any thoughts on the subject would be appreciated!


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

Advertising, no matter what types appeals to our emotions. May it be guilt, fear ( if I dont get it NOW, the price will increase). it does work. I heard of a story about a nonprofit that sent out I think $1 bills in order to get people to donate. And you guessed it, they got money.

It never worked for me though. I look forward to the holiday season when I get address labels from dozens of organizations soliciting for funds. I never send them a cent.


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## Monte (Feb 17, 2010)

I've always hated useless data, so if I had to read a bunch of fluff before actually getting to the point... you've already lost me.

Top that off to the fact that trying to guilt trip me is pretty much the same thing as trying to control me? 

No.


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## affezwilling (Feb 1, 2011)

Advertising rarely works on me, in fact it often has the opposite affect then what their going for. As the saying goes "you can't play a player." NT's tend to be extremely calculating and strategic, we manipulate the world around us like it's a giant game of chess or something. Trying to manipulate someone who's already calculating 3 steps ahead can be extremely tricky. In fact I would be surprised to find an NT who doesn't become increasingly resistant the harder to try to push your propaganda on them. I know that's true for me at least. If I'm going to buy into anything, whether it's a material good or an ideal, it's because I have an intent to buy and not because of any type of advertisement or any other propaganda.

Luckily for the advertisement industry the NT are the minority. They're usually either targeting sensors who feel the need to fill a sensory stimulation, or their targeting feelers who always feel guilty for not doing more to help. In fact I think the best way to sell to an NT is to find one that's intending to purchase something already and finding what they're looking for instead of trying to push something on them. Basically selling to them by not selling to them, just let them sell to themselves.



Dear Sigmund said:


> Advertising, no matter what types appeals to our emotions. May it be guilt, fear ( if I dont get it NOW, the price will increase). it does work. I heard of a story about a nonprofit that sent out I think $1 bills in order to get people to donate. And you guessed it, they got money.
> 
> It never worked for me though. I look forward to the holiday season when I get address labels from dozens of organizations soliciting for funds. I never send them a cent.


That was actually a recent topic on Dear Abby about all the crap that charities send you in the mail. 
Dear Abby on uExpress


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## Pillow (Apr 17, 2011)

Monte said:


> I've always hated useless data, so if I had to read a bunch of fluff before actually getting to the point... you've already lost me.
> 
> Top that off to the fact that trying to guilt trip me is pretty much the same thing as trying to control me?
> 
> No.


I think that was what I found worst about the letter - they actually didn't even get to the amount it would cost me until I turned the page.


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## Cover3 (Feb 2, 2011)

it's definitely not a good tactic to bait NT's, but it works on so many people that they don't hesitate to use it when they can...

nevertheless, I applaud your efforts to help the less fortunate people in the world though, I mean this.


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## absentminded (Dec 3, 2010)

If someone tries to appeal to my emotions, I'll usually just leave/ignore them. It's an insult to my intelligence to try and get in through the back door like that and demonstrates that you have nothing to offer me. Flattery and emotional manipulation makes me far less inclined to believe/trust/help them.

That said, I have guilt-tripped people in day-to-day conversation without realizing it. Unlike said advertisers, I *apologized*!


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## Pillow (Apr 17, 2011)

affezwilling said:


> Advertising rarely works on me, in fact it often has the opposite affect then what their going for. As the saying goes "you can't play a player." NT's tend to be extremely calculating and strategic, we manipulate the world around us like it's a giant game of chess or something. Trying to manipulate someone who's already calculating 3 steps ahead can be extremely tricky. In fact I would be surprised to find an NT who doesn't become increasingly resistant the harder to try to push your propaganda on them. I know that's true for me at least. If I'm going to buy into anything, whether it's a material good or an ideal, it's because I have an intent to buy and not because of any type of advertisement or any other propaganda.
> 
> Luckily for the advertisement industry the NT are the minority. They're usually either targeting sensors who feel the need to fill a sensory stimulation, or their targeting feelers who always feel guilty for not doing more to help. In fact I think the best way to sell to an NT is to find one that's intending to purchase something already and finding what they're looking for instead of trying to push something on them. Basically selling to them by not selling to them, just let them sell to themselves.
> 
> ...


I liked this response from your link:



> DEAR ABBY: I, too, receive many "gifts" from organizations soliciting for donations. My view is, if they're using my donation to send gifts, then they really don't need my money. They should be using donations to help whomever or whatever it is they're soliciting for. I don't feel guilty in the least for using the labels, gifts, etc. I give to organizations that do not send out freebies; that's how I direct my charitable donations. -- SABRINA W., SOUTHGATE, MICH.


In England we don't get many letters soliciting for donations or giving us 'gifts' or anything, so I guess I can't complain too much! The thing I hate most is the TV ads where they start by saying 'If you only watch one thing today, watch this...' I always switch it off at that point, just to spite them. I know they don't know that or anything, but I hate watching something just because a random advert tells me I have to


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## Ormazd (Jan 26, 2010)

I hate emotional manipulation. Indeed, the few fights I have with my mother is largely due to her attempted use at emotional manipulation. She has since learned not to attempt such things with me. I wouldn't mind nearly as much if someone at least gave me some respect and let me make my own decision. Maybe I'd actually help if I was given the opportunity. But they generally lose all respect if they try to manipulate me, and an organization that would use such underhanded tactics makes me question their overall integrity.


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## Sir Crocodile (Apr 30, 2011)

NT are just special and better than other types...


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## Tootsie (Mar 15, 2011)

NTs don't want the BS. We just want to get to the point. 

First thing that came to my mind was how much that advertising must cost. Maybe that is just an INTP thing. Or perhaps it's just a me thing. 

I hate to say this but that probably would have been enough to make me consider giving to another charity.


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## Pillow (Apr 17, 2011)

Tootsie said:


> NTs don't want the BS. We just want to get to the point.
> 
> First thing that came to my mind was how much that advertising must cost. Maybe that is just an INTP thing. Or perhaps it's just a me thing.
> 
> I hate to say this but that probably would have been enough to make me consider giving to another charity.


I specifically chose the charity that tried to guilt trip me the least - I think it could be hard to find a better one!


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## goodgracesbadinfluence (Feb 28, 2011)

Yeah, I'm the same way. Guilt trips do not work on me at all... they actually make me extremely angry, and I take on this kind of "who the hell do you think you are?" mentality when someone tries to guilt trip me. 

My boyfriend, however, is an ENFP. His dad is really good at manipulating people, and my boyfriend knows he's doing it but he actually feels bad and ends up doing pretty much whatever his dad wants him to. If he stands his ground, he still feels guilty.


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## Kilgore Trout (Jun 25, 2010)

Guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation angers me as much as intellectual dishonesty. Playing with a person's emotional state in order for that person to do something for you seems to show that 1.) the manipulator distorts genuine emotions to control another person 2.) the manipulator thinks that the person being guilt-tripped is too weak, stupid, or incapable of understanding what's going on 3.) the manipulator uses the trust of the relationship for personal gain.

I don't let the manipulator win. Speak to me honesty or convince me logically and I'll listen to you. I'll develop more trust and be more willing to help you when I know what type of person you are.


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## mockingbird girl (Apr 26, 2011)

Trying to guilt trip me is a good way to get categorized as untrustworthy. 
For one thing, what, I am suddenly an idiot in your eyes? Two, you obviously don't trust me to hear you out if you come to me in a more honest manner. Goodbye.


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