# Generally, what do INTPs like and dislike about INFPs?



## Adam Bristol (Jan 7, 2013)

Hello - just genuinely curious what INTPs like and dislike about INFPs...

Can be anything! Let's be honest - we all like and dislike something about someone


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## chimeric (Oct 15, 2011)

I'm an ENFP, but the INTP I know closely feels awkward around intense displays of emotion and doesn't really get the point of subjective morality.


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## RoSoDude (Apr 3, 2012)

I generally appreciate the demeanor of INFPs, given that they share auxiliary Ne with my type and in general have the same orientation towards life (Ji, Pe, etc. being an IxxP). In casual aquaintanceships with INFPs, I like that we both generally understand where the other is coming from. I don't know if I'd want to get too close, though, because we tend to desire different things from close relationships, and it would be really hard for us to connect because of repelling Fi vs Ti. I have a feeling that if I were to try to have a relationship with an INFP (and we were both mutually interested), there would be a lot of misunderstood signals and awkward failures in communication.

I can have issues with Fi. It runs so counter to the way I view the world, so there can be a lot of friction in that area. Unfortunately, the best example I have is of something in a movie that bothered me. I believe Kiki, the protagonist of Kiki's Delivery Service to be an INFP, and when I was watching the movie with some friends a few months ago, I recall being entirely miffed by her behavior at one point in the movie. She's recently moved into a new town, so she's kinda scared and whatnot, which I get, but just when she's started to make a friend or two, she starts acting really weird. She's out and about with a new friend of hers, and he sees a bunch of his other friends. They offer to have her come along, which somehow makes her feel _un_welcome and she runs home crying and complains to her talking cat about how lonely she is. Which makes absolutely no sense to me. I get feeling lonely and wanting to distance oneself _separately_, but the two combined seem inconsistent and self-defeating. What I assume must have happened was that she was just beginning to feel close to this new friend and I guess she felt less close for being invited to just be "one of the friends"? That's all I could really make of it, and unfortunately this was the center of the main internal conflict in the film (her self-doubt), so I had a hard time really relating to her and getting into the movie.

This sort of "I feel alone and unwanted for reasons RoSoDude will never understand and so now I will run away" has happened before with my ENFP girlfriend as well, where something that I perceive as normal and even embracing will make her feel out of place and unwelcome, which makes her want to distance herself more (which I also don't understand). What bothers me about this is I have no idea what I'm supposed to do to help, because clearly what is to me a very inviting environment can be the opposite for her (and I'd think for other Fi types).


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## justintroverted (Oct 24, 2012)

Can I ask why are you asking this question? How do I know you are going to accept or even acknowledge mine or any of our answers without feeling personally offended by any given responses, especially if these responses seem critical to you or point out flaws in the INFP personality type?


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## thefutureisnow (Jun 2, 2013)

INFPs feel they are right. I know I am right.


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## Adam Bristol (Jan 7, 2013)

I'm asking because I want to learn more about the INTP personality type - I'm in a relationship with one and I feel she is reluctant to tell me what traits of mine frustrate her. I will accept and acknowledge any of your answers without feeling personally offended because I truly understand we all see the world differently and that each and every one of our greatest weaknesses are our greatest strengths therefore whatever trait it is in me that appears to be a flaw from the perciever's perspective is totally subjective.


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## Adam Bristol (Jan 7, 2013)

Thefutureisnow: As an INTP I thought you would have thought about the possibility of not being able to ever know anything


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## blacklite911 (Jun 27, 2013)

chimeric said:


> I'm an ENFP, but the INTP I know closely feels awkward around intense displays of emotion and doesn't really get the point of subjective morality.


I personally don't feel awkward, I rather feel annoyed. My last Ex was an ENFP, most annoying crap in the world to me, one time I pointed out something that was funny that she didn't intentionally do, her roommate laughed but a couple days later she brought it up randomly at night. And she cried for everything. I've since learned that I really can't be more than casual friend with these kinds of people, or I will have to rip my ears off.


But INFP's are cool, I like that they can control themselves but I dislike that they usually are maybe too timid or lack confidence. In a close relationship I value confidence a lot. Also, I like to try new things a lot so that may be a barrier. Ultimately though I think the largest hurdle is that the I think the INTP is bad at reading emotions on a whim and INFP is bad at expressing emotions around others so its like a lose-lose. INFP's will be feeling some deep emotions and INTP's will be like "wtf are you doing" and INFP will be like "sniff sniff... nothing." Then INTP goes in his head, "Ain't no body got time fa that."


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## Draco Solaris (Apr 8, 2013)

I dated an INFP for a year. Her desire to help people struck me as strange but I didn't really have a problem with it. I did get annoyed by her extreme idealism, basically always speaking about how things ought to be with little regard to how they actually were. And the way she chose to show affection through gifts and the observation of monthiversaries, while I was content to forget all the societally-dictated crap and just be happy with her, although that part wasn't as bad as the idealism. She also considered herself a feminist, and was very vocal about it and would get very upset over the fact that I didn't share the desire to discuss it, even though I agreed with the principles.

I did appreciate her worldview and sense of humor (both of which were very similar to mine, even though she generally expressed them very differently) but I think that was really the only reason we got along in the first place. Overall we didn't have a whole lot in common, Fi/Ti nonwithstanding.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

Too hard to pry open.

Between INTP and INFP, l'd say the Fi dom is more guarded.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but there is a question of analyzing what might be beneath the surface and deciding if gaining that person's trust is worth it or not.

l feel the same way about INTJs actually.


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## Bago (Aug 30, 2011)

RoSoDude said:


> I generally appreciate the demeanor of INFPs, given that they share auxiliary Ne with my type and in general have the same orientation towards life (Ji, Pe, etc. being an IxxP). In casual aquaintanceships with INFPs, I like that we both generally understand where the other is coming from. I don't know if I'd want to get too close, though, because we tend to desire different things from close relationships, and it would be really hard for us to connect because of repelling Fi vs Ti. I have a feeling that if I were to try to have a relationship with an INFP (and we were both mutually interested), there would be a lot of misunderstood signals and awkward failures in communication.
> 
> I can have issues with Fi. It runs so counter to the way I view the world, so there can be a lot of friction in that area. Unfortunately, the best example I have is of something in a movie that bothered me. I believe Kiki, the protagonist of Kiki's Delivery Service to be an INFP, and when I was watching the movie with some friends a few months ago, I recall being entirely miffed by her behavior at one point in the movie. She's recently moved into a new town, so she's kinda scared and whatnot, which I get, but just when she's started to make a friend or two, she starts acting really weird. She's out and about with a new friend of hers, and he sees a bunch of his other friends. They offer to have her come along, which somehow makes her feel _un_welcome and she runs home crying and complains to her talking cat about how lonely she is. Which makes absolutely no sense to me. I get feeling lonely and wanting to distance oneself _separately_, but the two combined seem inconsistent and self-defeating. What I assume must have happened was that she was just beginning to feel close to this new friend and I guess she felt less close for being invited to just be "one of the friends"? That's all I could really make of it, and unfortunately this was the center of the main internal conflict in the film (her self-doubt), so I had a hard time really relating to her and getting into the movie.


It's really interesting that you said that her running away and being upset is "self doubt". Cos it seems that she distances herself fro being hurt. Since the guy was so nice and was bringing her into the group, only then to be rejected. Or she sense that the others are starting to reject her. When you feel that you are in a fight or flight situation, you can stay and fight (and for an INFP girl, she will turn bitchy), or that she will flight to preserve herself. 

It's interesting that the judgment is on the action of the girl, and not what the guys did to offend her. 

I thought that the movie was about coming of age and to find her own inner confidence and acceptance of the world, and she needed to finds that footing of self independence and to ignore or to accept some facts of life ? In the end, she found it. 



> This sort of "I feel alone and unwanted for reasons RoSoDude will never understand and so now I will run away" has happened before with my ENFP girlfriend as well, where something that I perceive as normal and even embracing will make her feel out of place and unwelcome, which makes her want to distance herself more (which I also don't understand). What bothers me about this is I have no idea what I'm supposed to do to help, because clearly what is to me a very inviting environment can be the opposite for her (and I'd think for other Fi types).


Never stop trying... trying to understand is the basic of human relationships. I have a simple rule. If this is your issue, I will listen and be there for you. If I want to talk about my issue, you got to listen and be there for me.


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## Stolen Jam Tarts (Jun 29, 2020)

I see this thread is dead, but I wish to add my response to the original question.

I love the dreamy idealistic imaginative INFP. Life is so boring without dreams. INFPs really color in the black and white outlines or structure of a competitive society. They put soul into the mix. I love that about them. I also sense that they appreciate loyalty.

On the negative side as an INTP with Fe it drives me batty, or rather, it hurts me so deeply when the INFP retreats into their shell without explanation. I can appreciate wanting quality time and wanting recharge time. Im an eccentric type myself and dislike being overwhelmed. So I would protest against the INFP disappearing act. It comes accross in a harsh and distructive manner.

I do that from time to time, but will explain a day or so later. The INFP can disappear without explanation and for the Fe types that translates to not being of value or not deserving of an explanation. 

It may also be that the INFP gave a short explanation and that the INTP just does not grasp the explanation.

That dynamic, whatever it is, is what floors me. Apart from that I absolutely love INFPs.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

blacklite911 said:


> Ultimately though I think the largest hurdle is that the I think the INTP is bad at reading emotions on a whim and INFP is bad at expressing emotions around others so its like a lose-lose.


Something like this. I know and respect an INFP; we do favors for each other sometimes, and can even open up about personal philosophies or problems. But I always feel like we aren't connecting somehow. And she seems to take offense at some things, so I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

A third party told me, "[INFP person] thinks you're a really great person." And I said, "That's odd, I didn't even think she liked me."


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## GusWriter (Jun 13, 2012)

Those feely bastards! Oh, forgot, I test as INFP now. Yeah, they're cool.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

I'm not sure I've ever known any INFPs.

The type of person I'm thinking of is easily able to get attached to things that are false or that make no sense, doesn't really care that the stuff makes no sense, and tends to get defensive if it's pointed out that it makes no sense. They aren't nearly as interested in truth, accuracy, and clarity as I am, which is exasperating. Too much navel-gazing, poor display of critical thinking skills (not necessarily because they are stupid but because they just don't care and haven't gotten a lot of practice thinking that way because they focus on whatever pleases them in a self-indulgent, non-intellectual or perhaps uncritical way). We just have totally different priorities.

Does that describe INFPs?


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> I'm not sure I've ever known any INFPs.
> 
> The type of person I'm thinking of is easily able to get attached to things that are false or that make no sense, doesn't really care that the stuff makes no sense, and tends to get defensive if it's pointed out that it makes no sense. They aren't nearly as interested in truth, accuracy, and clarity as I am, which is exasperating. Too much navel-gazing, poor display of critical thinking skills (not necessarily because they are stupid but because they just don't care and haven't gotten a lot of practice thinking that way because they focus on whatever pleases them in a self-indulgent, non-intellectual or perhaps uncritical way). We just have totally different priorities.
> 
> Does that describe INFPs?


Sounds more like FJs, or at least Ni/Si types who often mistype as INFP. The INFPs I've known & those I've watched online are scientifically & intellectually minded same as any other NP. But I guess depends where your threshold is too, cause I say the above with more serious things in mind and not the playful/imaginative feelsy things an INFP might be into but may be intolerable to some T doms and find them nonsensical, like idk, feeling bad for your teddy bear falling off the bed, and other sentimentalities.

Linguistic clarity/accuracy can be an F vs T issue but usually with Ne one can bridge that relatively well.
An issue I think with F doms is they can get a bit caught up on _how_ something is presented and too quick to draw conclusions from that, tho generally P mitigates it so it's gonna vary depending on how strongly Ne they are.


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## GusWriter (Jun 13, 2012)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> I'm not sure I've ever known any INFPs.
> 
> The type of person I'm thinking of is easily able to get attached to things that are false or that make no sense, doesn't really care that the stuff makes no sense, and tends to get defensive if it's pointed out that it makes no sense. They aren't nearly as interested in truth, accuracy, and clarity as I am, which is exasperating. Too much navel-gazing, poor display of critical thinking skills (not necessarily because they are stupid but because they just don't care and haven't gotten a lot of practice thinking that way because they focus on whatever pleases them in a self-indulgent, non-intellectual or perhaps uncritical way). We just have totally different priorities.
> 
> Does that describe INFPs?


I think you are in the neighborhood, but would not say its near a bullseye. As far as the "naval gazing" that is often a shared quality with INTPs I believe. Feelings can inhibit pure objective critical thinking more with Fs, no doubt about it.

Curious, from this and other comments I've observed of yours my guess is your P/J were fairly evenly scored on your test, am I right?


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

GusWriter said:


> Curious, from this and other comments I've observed of yours my guess is your P/J were fairly evenly scored on your test, am I right?


Actually I almost always tested INTJ on all the online tests. Since I've gotten older I've tested ISTJ a few times.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

Red Panda said:


> Sounds more like FJs,


That's weird because what I described seems like a lack of extroverted judging to me.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Saiyed Handsome **** said:


> That's weird because what I described seems like a lack of extroverted judging to me.


Which is what Ni/Si types lack, regardless how MBTI names it. Perceptions feed judgment is the simple way to describe it. Having introverted perception makes one removed from reality to some degree, and having a very subjective lens with the things they perceive, which then becomes judgment which they enforce upon the world/externalize.


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## Aiwass (Jul 28, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> I don't think Fe and Fi are "emotions" so this seems like a rather narrow view of them if that's what you & socionics are saying, the bolded seems more like a behavioral side effect but not what the function is about in principle. But more than that, I think anyone with Ni/Si is primarily a FI type because the attitude is all-encompassing. But it varies a lot between people, like I know people who fit the above description but are so deeply FI, so defensive and never willing to change and they just behave this way because being social is part of their thick defensive walls of who they believe themselves to be. Focusing on directing the moods is a great way to have control and not get threatened, challenged or otherwise hurt, or just get in everyone's business and make sure you see the threat beforehands. In the end, this behavior creates validation, and minimizes external threats to the self so at bottom is introverted, and it's very much what most FJs do and seek, even when more normal and not as bad as what I described. So I find such descriptions to be missing a great deal.
> 
> *And speaking of control/avoiding hurt, I think a key way to understand if someone is Ne or not is by how much they challenge themselves, because Ne seeks the challenge to oneself, whether through other people or imagination.*


I'm not going to disagree with what you said about FJs being defensive and controlling (it may very well be true) but IMO you have an overly idealistic view of Ne. It is understandable because some people tend to idealize their primary and/or aux functions (putting them on a pedestal), but this can lead to a narrow view of the theory where you put Ne in the category of something "good/better" and everything else as "worse/bad".

I don't think Ne has anything to do with challenging oneself or with self-development. I do think strong Ne types have some kind of openness to change and to new ideas other types don't, but every function comes with a downside. Just like Ni or Si types can be too stubborn and stuck in subjective, internal perceptions, Ne types can be far _too _uncomitted in their ideals and enterprises. 

Of course, this all depends on the maturity and development of the individual. Some INxJs are stubborn f*cks, others aren't; some ENxPs are uncommited foxes always quickly going from one thing to the other without ever sticking to anything, while others are mature enough to understand the value of being committed sometimes. 

At least this is the idea Jung gave us about the functions. All of them come with a shadow, a repressed side and some potential to self-destruction and infantility.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Aiwass said:


> don't think Ne has anything to do with challenging oneself or with self-development. I do think strong Ne types have some kind of openness to change and to new ideas other types don't, but every function comes with a downside.


You've made a bit of a strawman in your reply, since I didn't talk about it being good or bad, just factual. These two sentences are contradictory. What do you think this openness _is_? It's the drive to question and challenge oneself, to actively seek how you're wrong. The downside is that self doubt can become depression if other factors aid to this, usually because of environmental influence which the Ne is so open to to begin with. Commitment can be an issue if the person cares, tho ime it's usually depression or other issues that cause lack of commitment, or otherwise it's judged by another person that they're lacking, which may or may not be bullshit depending on the case.


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## Aiwass (Jul 28, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> You've made a bit of a strawman in your reply, since I didn't talk about it being good or bad, just factual. These two sentences are contradictory. What do you think this openness _is_? It's the drive to question and challenge oneself, to actively seek how you're wrong. The downside is that self doubt can become depression if other factors aid to this, usually because of environmental influence which the Ne is so open to to begin with. Commitment can be an issue if the person cares, tho ime it's usually depression or other issues that cause lack of commitment, or otherwise it's judged by another person that they're lacking, which may or may not be bullshit depending on the case.


Jung on the Extraverted Intuitive type:

*"He seizes hold of new objects and new ways with eager intensity, sometimes with extraordinary enthusiasm, only to abandon them cold-bloodedly, without regard and apparently without remembrance, as soon as their range becomes clearly defined and a promise of any considerable future development no longer clings to them. As long as a possibility exists, the intuitive is bound to it with thongs of fate. It is as though his whole life went out into the new situation. One gets the impression, which he himself shares, that he has just reached the definitive turning point in his life, and that from now on nothing else can seriously engage his thought and feeling. How- [p. 465] ever reasonable and opportune it may be, and although every conceivable argument speaks in favour of stability, a day will come when nothing will deter him from regarding as a prison, the self-same situation that seemed to promise him freedom and deliverance, and from acting accordingly. 
[...] he is not infrequently put down as an immoral and ruthless adventurer. Since his intuition is largely concerned with outer objects, scenting out external possibilities, he readily applies himself to callings wherein he may expand his abilities in many directions. Merchants, contractors, speculators, agents, politicians, etc., commonly belong to this type."*

Jung clearly saw Ne-dom types as people with the tendency to become overly uncomitted in their enterprises, even mavericks. Now, this is not him being harsh on Ne, because he talked about the negative tendencies of all the other functions. If you disagree that Ne has a tendency for uncomittment, you are disagreeing with what Jung wrote, not with me. Ofc this is OK, you can have your own interpretation of the theory that differs from Jung's.

I see the openness of the function for what it is: openness, curiosity and a drive to seek out the new. It has its good sides, it has its downsides. I don't think Ne leads are more enlightened when it comes to admitting to their own mistakes compared to other types, more focused on self-development or more self-aware than others. I think claiming this would be absurd.


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Aiwass said:


> Jung clearly saw Ne-dom types as people with the tendency to become overly uncomitted in their enterprises, even mavericks. Now, this is not him being harsh on Ne, because he talked about the negative tendencies of all the other functions. If you disagree that Ne has a tendency for uncomittment, you are disagreeing with what Jung wrote, not with me. Ofc this is OK, you can have your own interpretation of the theory that differs from Jung's.


The issue I have with this and tried to explain before, is that _you_ present it as negative, it's _your judgment_, and not necessarily what matters or bothers the other person. This behavior is overall neutral and can be negative sometimes if the person feels they're letting down themselves, but also positive as it creates the ground for a broader range of skills, & understanding of the world.




Aiwass said:


> I see the openness of the function for what it is: openness, curiosity and a drive to seek out the new. It has its good sides, it has its downsides. I don't think Ne leads are more enlightened when it comes to admitting to their own mistakes compared to other types, more focused on self-development or more self-aware than others. I think claiming this would be absurd.


Firstly I wasn't talking about self-development but broadly being open to accepting more info and challenging one's ideas, which of course creates great potential to develop self-awareness and it seems that Ne types more easily develop metacognitive skills than others. It isn't absurd at all, what's absurd is thinking that everyone has the same potential. And since you quote Jung, he does mention how poorly introvert perceivers understand themselves due to how disconnected they are from the object relative to others and due to lacking judgment. But don't conflate this as not having flaws and whatnot, and present it as if I'm saying that, that's your misunderstanding.


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## Aiwass (Jul 28, 2014)

Red Panda said:


> The issue I have with this and tried to explain before, is that _you_ present it as negative, it's _your judgment_, and not necessarily what matters or bothers the other person. This behavior is overall neutral and can be negative sometimes if the person feels they're letting down themselves, but also positive as it creates the ground for a broader range of skills, & understanding of the world.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Honestly, I've been pondering on this post and on how to reply to you, but your statements leave me genuinely confused. Overrall you made many claims that seem value-loaded in nature and pointing to a view that Ne dom types are somehow superior to others (what the hell is developing "metacognitive skills more easily" anyway)?, but you also keep insisting this is my interpretation of your posts and that your statements are not value-loaded at all.

I don't think every type has the same _potential_. I think every type comes with *both *advantages and flaws. I am aware of the flaws introverted perceivers tend to have; I only pointed out the flaws Ne types are prone to before because you seemed to ignore them. 

If you can agree with me that all types have their _unique set _of strenghts and weaknesses, then we agree and have nothing else to discuss and can move on. If you think Ne dom types have a "better" or "more valuable" set of strenghts than other types, then I think your opinion is absurd and we can move on as well (I don't think it is productive to discuss with someone who sees Jungian types in terms of hierarchies).


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Aiwass said:


> If you can agree with me that all types have their _unique set _of strenghts and weaknesses,


That's exactly what I'm saying in regards to Ne challenging their perspectives more, it's part of that set and it's how I stated this to begin with. I never made such a value statement but for some reason you've been stirring it towards this in every post and arguing with yourself basically. I never ignored what you pointed out as a flaw either, even agreed in part.
Metacognition is the skill to observe one's own thinking, btw.


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## Miranda Mayhem (Sep 16, 2016)

I have two INTP cousins. The first one is a girl: we have a lot of very different views, but can have some pretty deep and candid conversations, which is a rarity for me to be able to do and which I love. She seems to like my emotionally supportive and understanding nature, and is not such a fan of the views I hold onto that I don’t/can’t fully explain logically. The second is a guy, and while we bicker more, he’s one of my best friends. He actually seems to like my emotionality. He doesn’t like when I do or say things that are ambiguous or simply don’t make any sense - even my sense of humor can get on his nerves. He has his own Ne flights of fancy, but it’s always connected somehow to his goals and intentions - whereas mine just starts being random for no apparent reason.


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