# Help please! INFJ or INFP?!



## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

Hiya! I've been hovering around the boards for about a year now and am more confused than ever about my type. I don't fit in neatly into either the INFP or INFJ box. 

My cognitive functions tests always tell me that my Ni is either my most used or one of my most used functions, yet INFP is almost always suggested for me because my Fi seems to be in high use. I always put this down to the fact that I'm at a stage in my life where I'm trying to figure out my values and what's important to me as I've spent so long trying to please everyone else. Besides, I love organizing and planning WAY too much to be a P!

However when I take actual type tests I always get INFJ, apart from once around my stressful exam period when I got INTP. People tend to ask me for advice and my friends describe me as being philosophical, wise and kind plus I'm frequently told that I'm mature for my age (I dress maturely and LOVE old music).

But I'm not great at sizing people's characters up and this is a trait that I hear is characteristic of an INFJ. I'm good with reading situations and feeling what people feel and I can also often tell what people will do next but I can't read personalities. I'm only 17 so maybe it needs time to develop, I'm not sure.

I would be really grateful for some help as it's taken me almost a year to summon the courage to ask. I'm ready to hear the truth if anyone out there is ready to tell it :frustrating:


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## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

I also don't seem to relate well to people on any thread including the INFJ and INFP threads! Maybe I'm taking it all too seriously and I need to just separate myself from this for a while and find another way to find "me" :sad:


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## QrivaN (Aug 3, 2012)

abi11 said:


> Hiya! I've been hovering around the boards for about a year now and am more confused than ever about my type. I don't fit in neatly into either the INFP or INFJ box.
> 
> My cognitive functions tests always tell me that my Ni is either my most used or one of my most used functions, yet INFP is almost always suggested for me because my Fi seems to be in high use. I always put this down to the fact that I'm at a stage in my life where I'm trying to figure out my values and what's important to me as I've spent so long trying to please everyone else. Besides, I love organizing and planning WAY too much to be a P!
> 
> ...


Before I attempt a guess, I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind.

1) Would you be open to suggestions other than INFP or INFJ?
2) What types of things leave impressions on you?
3) Would you consider yourself to be opinionated?

You don't have to answer them if you don't want to, but it would help me evaluate your type if you did. Also, should you choose to answer these questions, I may have a few more to solidify my suspicions.

Last thing I'm going to say now: P's can enjoy making plans just as much as J's can. That trait depends on the person.


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## beachpeach (Mar 15, 2010)

I am an INFP and for a long time, I was confused about this too! I think though, that an INFJ would be less confused about it  
This website really helped me to understand; Personalityjunkie.com 
Better then other sites I have been to. 

Keep in mind that we may lean closer to J at certain times in our lives.
The other morning I woke up, took a personality test and was an INTP! lol! I likely was, at that moment in time, before my coffee. (jibe) But, for the most part, I am INFP, and even when I second guess it (as I have recently), it just becomes more obvious, because that's what INFPs do, lol!


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## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

QrivaN said:


> Before I attempt a guess, I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind.
> 
> 1) Would you be open to suggestions other than INFP or INFJ?
> 2) What types of things leave impressions on you?
> ...


Thank you so so much for your reply! 

1) Absolutely! I just want to find my type! However I am pretty sure that I am an I, I'm likely to be an N, I think I'm an F (I'm not so sure) and I'm pretty certain I'm a J (I'm not spontaneous, I love routine and doing things without enough notice makes me VERY anxious and I've always been this way). But if there are any other logical possibilities and explanations I would Love to know.

2) My favorite subject in school is philosophy so naturally I like thinking about possibilities and love hearing different theories and different ways of thinking about things. Consequently, I can never make up my mind on things because I'm too busy trying to balance things. Show me a logical, sound ethical or philosophical theory and I'll be thinking about it for an hour or more.

I also love listening to music, outside of philosophy and reading it's my great escape. Give me music with a lot of meaning, something that takes me to another place and I feel like my otherwise restless soul is at peace! Music from Nat King Cole, Nina Simone, Alicia Keys or even Florence and the machine, Coldplay and Lana Del Rey tends to do that for me.

Furthermore I'm quite keen on science as I took all 3 sciences and philosophy at As-level (although I've dropped physics now). When I hear about the things that science is doing for us I'm in absolute awe! Admittedly I'm still more comfortable on the philosophy side of things though!

In terms of people I love to see people doing good things for one another. This puts me on a high for the rest of the day! I also admire knowledgeable people, the type that actually know what they are talking about and act on what they preach. I cannot stand pretense and people who cannot admit that they just don't know what you're asking of them! I'm always striving to be more knowledgeable and wise so people like that really inspire me.

I also admire people that have done great things for the world, however I do not feel the urge to change the world and leave a lasting legacy. I just want to change the bit around me and influence the people I meet on a daily basis. [EDIT: I am a part of Amnesty International so I'm not opposed to stretching my help further into the world , I just don't expect to be at the front of a massive change in the world] Despite being idealistic to the core, I do try to be real about things.

3) I would say Overall yes, despite the fact that I don't always voice my opinions. As I said before, I am quite open to different ways of looking at things and therefore have a hard time being strict with my views. This isn't to say that my views aren't strong but I'm very aware of the fact that there may be flaws in my thinking and am open to people pointing them out (so long as they are not being mean about it)! However it does depend on the person, if I'm arguing about non academic things. For example I'm often trying to correct my ENTP dad on the way he does certain things around the house. He often doesn't listen and then things fall apart like I say they will! I usually do know when I'm right though, I just don't want to be forceful.
Overall, I do love debates but I find that I spend more time sitting back, listening and actually formulating an argument than actually arguing! But once actually I get started I'm on a roll and find it hard to stop!

I hope I've answered your Questions appropriately! :kitteh:


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## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

Thank you for your reply!

I agree that it may be perfectly plausible that I am an INFP however my big problem is with that P. I love routine and new things without a suitable warning make me anxious! I've always been that way but perhaps this could be due to my 6w5 ennegram type. This could be what's complicating the picture!

Another big reason for my doubt is that my best friend is a textbook INFP and we are so different! I feel like she's quite flakey and she often jumps into things without thinking fully first (I'm a lot more cautious). She's also A LOT more open-minded than I am (and I considered myself quite open until I got to know her).

A large difference I see is her tendency to avoid things. If someone is really bothering me I will often tell them in as nice a way as possible before I lose my patience with them. It hurts and it's awkward but I still do it as I know it's for the best. When she has to deal with people like that she'll grin and bare it until she explodes with annoyance and I hear this is a very INFP thing to do!

I do feel like I use Fe more than a typical INFP. I'm constantly worrying about other people, so much so that I've acquired the nickname "Mama". Despite being one of the most caring and loving people you'll ever meet, my INFP friend seems a little bit more concerned about how she feels about things. If I get hurt I usually try harder to rationalize my feelings and balance them with those of others.

All in all I would be honored to be either of the types, I think they are both amazing! To be honest the INFP description does fit me well, which has been why I haven't been able to discount it! Moreover you are right, indecisiveness is a quality that both myself and my best friend share so I could well be INFP!

What do you see as the main differences between the two types?


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## bearotter (Aug 10, 2012)

abi11 said:


> I agree that it may be perfectly plausible that I am an INFP however my big problem is with that P. I love routine and new things without a suitable warning make me anxious! I've always been that way but perhaps this could be due to my 6w5 ennegram type. This could be what's complicating the picture!




Yes there's an incongruence between P and strong head type influence in some ways, e.g. needing to plan around stressful situations is generally a J thing whereas the planning itself negates the P outlook of the free-est thing to be to remain alert but not over-plan.

But just remember it is best fit. I think dichotomy-wise my intellectual style is very P, not J. My outlook towards life is mixed, however -- I scheme, plan, a good amount without question, but ultimately even that is undertaken with a P-orientation, in the sense that I'm not usually interested in closing off the decision early at all in an efficient way. Overall I'd say I'm a pretty clear P with some J-like leanings that do have something to do with head type influence.


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## beachpeach (Mar 15, 2010)

I am at a bit of a loss, since I just read the INFJ profile and see a lot of myself in it too. 
I, for one, think personality theory is more fluid than many want to admit. 
Each letter can adjust at different times in life, so it really comes down to what you do most of the time. I can try and delineate the differences, but you still may find that you are sometimes J and sometimes P. 

I do know that INFPs will often think they are other types, because they are so empathetic and open-minded and are always attempting to know themselves better as well as see connections they have with others.

INFPs tertiary function can explain their frustration with not knowing if they are J or P. 
INFPs can be organized, but it is an organized mess compared to a J's idea of organizing.
INFPs can be judgers, but they tend to judge themselves more then others.
When INFPs judge others, it is often due to someone being insensitive to firm values OR due to the INFP seeing things that others cannot see for themselves. We value insight into things and can often see other people's problems clearly, but when it comes to seeing our own problems so clearly, we constantly second guess in a perfectionistic way, (often trying to manipulate what we want, while not being blind to reality).
INFPs like to include everything, J's are more particular.
INFPs are less focused, more distracted, take longer to finish things.
INFPs are slow to decide. Even when they are loyal, even when they thing they know things because they have analyzed them upside down and sideways, OR are using their intuitive internal compass, they are always taking in new experiences, so their ideas could alter over time. It takes some time for an INFP to realize this, so they may think they are an INFJ until one day they recognize they are that flighty, fickle person they were afraid of. 
That is our shadow and we are often embarrassed by it, but we hopefully come to embrace it as part and parcel with seeing things more openly and empathetically than others tend to. INFPs value being able to do this intellectually as well as emotionally for themselves and for others.
INFPs are wise and understanding, whereas INFJs are teachers with more specific beliefs
INFPs like things messy sometimes, they like variety and dynamism. They like to go off the beaten path sometimes. They like multi-colours, multi-facets, layered plots, fringes
INFJs prefer things to be a little more of a perfect package, a perfect outfit, cleaner lines, a surer result.

Anyways, This is what I can figure. It would be good to get an INTJ perspective


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## beachpeach (Mar 15, 2010)

I should clarify, 
So in judging, INFJs may tend to judge the values of the person, whereas INFPs merely get frustrated that the person does not see what is in front of them (a different form of intelligence which we have for others but not so much for ourselves, we get lost in the forest).


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## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

bearotter said:


> Yes there's an incongruence between P and strong head type influence in some ways, e.g. needing to plan around stressful situations is generally a J thing whereas the planning itself negates the P outlook of the free-est thing to be to remain alert but not over-plan.
> 
> But just remember it is best fit. I think dichotomy-wise my intellectual style is very P, not J. My outlook towards life is mixed, however -- I scheme, plan, a good amount without question, but ultimately even that is undertaken with a P-orientation, in the sense that I'm not usually interested in closing off the decision early at all in an efficient way. Overall I'd say I'm a pretty clear P with some J-like leanings that do have something to do with head type influence.
> 
> ...


Ah, I never thought of it that way! That's very interesting and thank you very much for that enlightenment! 

I do think that at times I do over-plan. For example I plan my outfits for school a week sometimes even 2, in advance! Even down to the type of vest and socks I'll wear! But I have heard that INFPs can be perfectionists when they choose to be! 

However most of my planning is moderate and is rarely concrete. For example I might make plans for my day the night before and they're usually quite flexible (I usually make room for any errors in my calculations and have several back-ups). The funny thing is that despite my plans being flexible, I always get pissed when others ruin them (particularly my ENTP dad). I get really really stressed and panicky in such situations.

I often find that I'm one of the relatively few people at school that always has their equipment, textbooks and homework despite the fact that I don't make very strict plans regarding school. 70% of the time I end up setting myself maximum deadlines to get stuff done by instead of making hour by hour plans and I almost always get things done on time. Because of this I do think that there is possibility that I could well be a P!

But I'm still unsure, I thought that a love keeping your options open was key to being a P and I hate not knowing exactly what I'm doing (I always need to know what's coming)! Could you please tell me a little bit more about this? I'm still a novice when it comes to all of this! :tongue:


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## beachpeach (Mar 15, 2010)

If you are an INFP this may be how you have learned to function because you know you tend to be inclusive or distracted.

For example:

1. I hate things out of order sometimes; missing socks or shoes or earrings drive me a little nuts. I think it is because I value what I own, I believe it is all important until I decide it isn't. I also think it is because if it is not where I need it to be when I need it, It means one more thing is out of sorts in the multiplicity of things I aspire to keep, organize, include in my experience.

2. I know I have moments when I am able to get things in one time, but I have always had a problem with being too overly inclusive in my papers and assignments. It takes me a lot more time to explore and to research, and then after compiling it all, to trudge through it and form a paper. My papers are almost always a thesis in themselves and sometimes it ends up handed in late, but it almost always gets a good grade anyways  Quality and quantity, lol!


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## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

I agree, MBTI is very fluid. I've spent so much time trying to squash myself into these neat little boxes and now comes the suddenly realization that I may never fit perfectly into the nice little box! Like bearotter said and you hinted at it's only "best fit".

I am quite messy in term of how I keep my environment. My room has been neat, but by no means immaculate, for 3 weeks now. It usually looks like a bomb has hit it!

I hate to say this but I do feel like I am quite judgmental both towards myself and towards others. I feel like I judge myself a little bit more harshly than I judge others so I do agree with you there.

I agree with you here also, I won't judge someone that I know already knows they have a problem and are trying to help themselves. I'll always try to encourage and support such a person instead. And I do judge those that don't agree with my most strongly held values. I'm quite flexible about everything else but to me, my core values are so simple and reasonable that I can't for the life of me figure out why any decent person wouldn't agree! 

I start off with everything and then I quickly filter things out to get to the particular. I don't like having too many options

I can get distracted by things (e.g. music or my imagination) but if I put my mind to it I do what I set out to do. It does require quite a bit of energy though!

Yep, sounds like me! I can be very fickle, I know my flaws and I'll always try to be real about them. Although I am less flighty than my textbook INFP friend, I do tend to hide it better when I am feeling indecisive. I'm a little bit more of a take charge type person than she is, particularly in group situations.

I suck at explaining myself so I'm most certainly not a teacher! Although, as I said earlier, people do often come to me for advice on things.

The only thing that doesn't fit me at all is your last point. I like things to be perfect where possible and I love sure results. I don't really like variety, I prefer what I know that is sure to work! And I'd prefer precision and doing things right the first time than constantly having to re-do stuff because it was done hastily in the first place!

Overall, I think it's very likely that I could be an INFP and I'm much more open to it now than I was when I started this thread, so mission accomplished! Thank you very much, things look a lot clearer to me now! roud:


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## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

beachpeach said:


> If you are an INFP this may be how you have learned to function because you know you tend to be inclusive or distracted.
> 
> For example:
> 
> ...


Haha, I love this post (particularly the second point)! 

1) If I loose a sock it doesn't really bother me but if I loose jewelry my first thought is fear of what my ISFJ mother would think. She works so hard for the money to buy such things for me, I at least owe her the respect of looking after them! 
I also like things neat for the sake of things being where they should be. I feel a strange sense of pride when I look at a neat drawer or a neat floor and I feel uncomfortable in mess! The only reason I don't clean my room as often as I'd like is because I'm quite the perfectionist when it comes to cleaning. Whenever I clean, it needs to be thorough and I rarely have that kind of energy or time lately! Furthermore I usually mess up my room again within a month or so because I rush when I'm getting ready for things because I don't want to keep people waiting (and then I often end up being early anyway )!

2) My philosophy essays are always done ahead of time and handed in on time but I do get pushed for time when I do questions from my science classes. Apart from this I 100% agree with what you've said! I waffle so much in my papers. I use the perfect word to sum everything up but I always feel the need to justify myself! I think it comes from a lack of confidence in my communication skills. I'm kind of used to people misinterpreting what I'm saying so I've gotten paranoid about my writing as well. Consequently, things I could have written in 2 words get written in 50 instead. But like you, I usually end up with high marks on my philosophy essays. My science papers are another story though! :laughing:


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## bearotter (Aug 10, 2012)

@_abi11_: think of it as general picture -- is your general orientation "If I J, the best result will happen" or "if I P, the best outcome happens" ... the P mentality can adopt J things due to need for control, and etc, but that's about it -- ultimately speaking their outlook is that J limits what you can get out of life/situations/etc. Whereas the J outlook is kind of the opposite. 

It is not what you do, but what your natural outlook is, and that outlook gets solidified over time. I forecast and predict things in an extreme way, but at the end of the day, the way I do even that is P-like --- by ensuring I have enough wiggle room so I never miss anything, very little pre-defining my goals in advance and trying to stick to them conscientiously. And I don't care much about coming to closed final decisions on things in the traditional sense usually -- a totally unfinished thing on the exterior from which I gained the chance insight is fine. And my day to day orientation is very P-like. You could say that if a J and a P both wanted to have maximal control of their destinies, they'd forecast/predict how to go about their life differently perhaps. The J might tend more towards clearly-defined goals to accomplish, etc, etc. The P type would try to avoid situations where they end up in what they'd consider a rut, which a J might consider anything but a rut.


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## abi11 (Oct 22, 2012)

bearotter said:


> @_abi11_: think of it as general picture -- is your general orientation "If I J, the best result will happen" or "if I P, the best outcome happens" ... the P mentality can adopt J things due to need for control, and etc, but that's about it -- ultimately speaking their outlook is that J limits what you can get out of life/situations/etc. Whereas the J outlook is kind of the opposite.
> 
> It is not what you do, but what your natural outlook is, and that outlook gets solidified over time. I forecast and predict things in an extreme way, but at the end of the day, the way I do even that is P-like --- by ensuring I have enough wiggle room so I never miss anything, very little pre-defining my goals in advance and trying to stick to them conscientiously. *And I don't care much about coming to closed final decisions on things in the traditional sense usually -- a totally unfinished thing on the exterior from which I gained the chance insight is fine.* And my day to day orientation is very P-like. You could say that if a J and a P both wanted to have maximal control of their destinies, they'd forecast/predict how to go about their life differently perhaps. *The J might tend more towards clearly-defined goals to accomplish*, etc, etc. The P type would try to avoid situations where they end up in what they'd consider a rut, which a J might consider anything but a rut.


I see! From what you've described I would say that I probably am a J. Although I have a hard time coming to final decisions, I hate things being vague. I'm the person that annoys everyone on a shopping trip by wanting to know exactly where we are going, shop by shop, so I can sculpt my schoolwork and other activities around it. I'm the 'uptight one' of my family!

As I said, I usually set myself maximum deadlines to get things done by instead of hour by hour plans but outside of my time keeping I have very specific goals. I feel restless if I don't know *exactly* what I want or what's happening in my life and am constantly aiming to further sculpt my ambitions, big or small. Moreover, incomplete things usually bother me and weigh heavily on my mind until they are done, no matter how much I've learnt. I'm not quite sure I'm an INFJ anymore though...

Both types "feel" so much. Sometimes my emotions are intense but at other times I shut down and feel nothing. I also tend to be really dismissive of other's feelings, but only temporarily. It usually only takes me a few minutes to get back on board and then I feel really guilty afterwards. I've spent so long playing the part of the 'caring one' that I'm not quite sure what's me really caring and what's me acting. 

But ho hum, I've really gotten a lot out of all of this! Thank you all very much!


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## Acerbusvenator (Apr 12, 2011)

abi11 said:


> I agree, MBTI is very fluid. I've spent so much time trying to squash myself into these neat little boxes and now comes the suddenly realization that I may never fit perfectly into the nice little box! Like bearotter said and you hinted at it's only "best fit".


It's important to note that MBTI is only about preference and not something being exclusive.
On top of that is the fact that everyone uses every function (tho not all the attitudes), but to varying efficiency and skill and with varying degree if importance.
An INFP for example uses Fi Ne Si Te and an INFJ uses Ni Fe Ti Se.
An INFP for example is very skilled at using Fi and considers that function to be the most important, the same is true for an INFJ with Ni.
Everything you do will also be based around that dominant function. The other functions are merely assisting.

The moment you believe that there is a box in MBTI, that is the moment you will end up mistyping yourself and walking around believing general stereotypes and circlejerking.
MBTI has no box, it says that it's either yes or no so to speak.

Also,
Box: You are X, therefor you are like this.
MBTI: You are like this, therefor you are X.
So no, not a box.


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## Acerbusvenator (Apr 12, 2011)

abi11 said:


> Both types "feel" so much. Sometimes my emotions are intense but at other times I shut down and feel nothing. I also tend to be really dismissive of other's feelings, but only temporarily. It usually only takes me a few minutes to get back on board and then I feel really guilty afterwards. I've spent so long playing the part of the 'caring one' that I'm not quite sure what's me really caring and what's me acting.


Actually, being an F has nothing to do with emotions and this is a misunderstanding that has become huge.
Truth is that F is for values.

or rather, the socionics names are more descriptive:
L (T) - Logic
E (F) - Ethics

INTJ for example is called Intuitive Logical Introvert in Socionics.
INFJ is Intuitive Ethical Introvert.
And INFP is Ethical Intuitive Introvert.

This misunderstanding really bugged me and was a reason why I thought I was an F for a long time. When I was younger and my parents would start to yell at my sister I would burst into tears so they had to put me in another room so I wouldn't hear the arguing. Also, I've through my life from time to time tried to help people whenever I saw that there was something I could do, like when a guy was bullied for not knowing how to run I taught him to run.
In my family I am the one who hugs people the most, even tho both my mother and sister are FPs (one is ISFP and the other is ESFP).


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## kius (Mar 30, 2013)

Hi!

There's so much text here that I think I'll skip my guesses on your type in fear of repeating something that has already been said - but! If you're flip-flopping between INFJ and INFP, I think this site might do you good: INFJ or INFP? a closer look

I couldn't resist picking out the six questions the owner of the site asks on the Highlight tour:
1. Confirm your Temperament.
2. Determine whether you prefer Informing or Directing.
3. Choose which interaction style sounds most like you.
4. Decide whether your F energy first goes inward or outward.
5. Consider your tertiary process -- are you drawn to clarifying or nostalgia?
6. Determine which process you use "heroically."

When determining your type, I think the best approach is to get to know the theory and how the functions operate _together, forming the whole framework_, work it through and see what really fits you. INFJ and INFP are very different, don't let the one letter (that changes everything, ha!) fool you. 

There is also a danger of reading too much into the cognitive function tests, because MBTI is not a trait-based theory. It's less about How you are and more about Why you are. To give an example, a test may ask you, for instance, whether you "like having a wide circle of acquaintances", "like being the center of a social event", "rather go to a party than read a book", all supposedly testing for introversion or extroversion. The more you have these questions in a test, the more I test as an extrovert, because I readily embrace my extroverted feeling. (After 20 years of avoiding it, mind you! It took some personal growth to happen.)

Not to mention something like me thinking alone by myself, ideating about what to give as Christmas gifts to my friends. Though it has the appearance of Ni and Ti, the actual function in use is Fe, because that's what motivates me - me giving to people I hold dear. Always look to the source of the function - an extroverted function may be uncannily silent, and an introverted one may be rather vocal!

Similarly the J/P thing is not only about being organized/disorganized or timely/untimely, and actually doesn't hold true for several types. INXJs may exhibit some organized chaos: a little messiness at home, and envelope-pushing - sometimes it feels like J stands for "Just one more thing" instead of "Judging"... The J or P just tells you whether your first extroverted function is a perceiving or a decision-making one, but means little on its own.


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## beachpeach (Mar 15, 2010)

Thank you for your input INTJ! I don't fully understand this though, looks like circular reasoning... ? Can't each letter in the line be slightly fluid? Why is it either yes or no? I understand it as, people tend to lean more to one side, most of the time.

For example, I woke up the other day and took the test and I was INTP, In university I consistently tested INFJ, but overall, I am an INFP. Can we not value certain functions at different points in our lives based on our experiences, yet ultimately keep coming back to a personality type that most often sticks? 

(Side note; Totally random, but isn't it interesting how the personality of a child can be so different from the rest of their family? and I wonder how this happens? )


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## beachpeach (Mar 15, 2010)

Thank you for this! This makes much more sense!  I could virtually kiss you!


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