# SJ's + sex and purity until marriage



## The Great One

I know a lot of SJ's that are very moralistic. However, I would like to know what you all's views on sex are; Do you believe in sex before marriage? Do you believe in casual sex? Do you believe in monogamy? I'm trying to find a pattern here.


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## kittychris07

Sex should wait until marriage (I think this is more of a concept from the fact that I'm a Christian. I doubt I would go by the convention and say "no sex" if I weren't religious). Casual sex (with people you aren't going to be in a relationship with) is a bad idea (because I don't believe in sex outside of marriage, lol). I'm monogamous.


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## Frannyy

I feel like this is more a question of religion or faith- and your use of the word 'believe' throws me off as though one would believe their views should be followed by all, which isn't true in my case.


I admittedly have a checklist as to when I will have sex with someone and that includes:
- We love each other
- we are in a committed, monogamous relationship
- both parties feel ready


However, this is just for me personally and my personal values. I don't look down on others who 'believe' in casual sex or 'believe' in sex until marriage and I don't think my way is the universal 'bes't way. This is just what works best for me.


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## WickedQueen

Well, since I'm attached to my belief system (Islam), I don't do premarital sex.

I'm a flirtatious person, some times I do casual date, but when it comes to romantic relationship, I'm committed to monogamous relationship.


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## amanda32

SJ's are prudes. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But they tend to be extremely judgemental in my opinion, especially the men. 

Yet, they somehow justify it when they do it while looking santamoniously down their nose at others. 
That's just been my experience with them.


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## Frannyy

amanda32 said:


> SJ's are prudes. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But they tend to be extremely judgemental in my opinion, especially the men.
> 
> Yet, they somehow justify it when they do it while looking santamoniously down their nose at others.
> That's just been my experience with them.



yes, in order to become an SJ one must make sure to be judgmental and condescending because we all think that we are better than everyone else. All SJs are the exact same way and believe in the exact same principles. But you are wrong about one thing- us women are equally as judgmental as the men.


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## Functianalyst

NatetheGreat said:


> I know a lot of SJ's that are very moralistic. However, I would like to know what you all's views on sex are; Do you believe in sex before marriage? Do you believe in casual sex? Do you believe in monogamy? I'm trying to find a pattern here.





amanda32 said:


> SJ's are prudes. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But they tend to be extremely judgemental in my opinion, especially the men.
> 
> Yet, they somehow justify it when they do it while looking santamoniously down their nose at others.
> That's just been my experience with them.


The pot calling the kettle black. Ever read *these threads*, or others like them from the different sub-forums? I think you will find more intuiting type threads with the views that SJs being accused of here.


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## amanda32

I said, "that was my experience with them". This means, that I don't think it's the case with them all -- obviously.

Though, now that I've thought about it a little more...I was thinking in particular of an ISTJ who hurt my sister so that wasn't very fair. Apologies.


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## The Great One

amanda32 said:


> SJ's are prudes. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But they tend to be extremely judgemental in my opinion, especially the men.
> 
> Yet, they somehow justify it when they do it while looking santamoniously down their nose at others.
> That's just been my experience with them.


I've experienced that with most SJ's as well, but didn't want to put them in a box. I mean, I've heard of SJ womanizers before. Let's take the movie "American Gangster", the real life character Frank Lucas was an ESTJ and was a total womanizer.

Also, I will agree with the Funcionanalysist, I know a lot of INFP's that wait until marriage.


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## KrystRay

When I was younger, I was very much of the belief that sex was only for marriage. Thank God I didn't get married! Now that I'm older and a little more experienced, I think that people should both have sex and live together before making a lifelong commitment to each other. Traditional values are great and everything, but highly unrealistic. We aren't tied to each other out of necessity anymore (like couples were in Biblical days). I don't think that I (as to avoid generalization) should go into any commited relationship not knowing what I'm getting myself into. I know that I would be extremely unhappy with a man who couldn't satisfy my desires (as I have been in the past) and I'm verbal enough about it to let them know it. Any man in that position would be absolutely miserable with me! So, while I think its great that kids (18 and younger) want to wait til they're married, even if its just because they're scared of getting an STD, I do think that experimenting with sexuality is important. I feel bad for a lot of my friends who jump into marriage just so that they can have sex. The guys usually get sick of the BS after a few years and have mistresses and such so that they can get SOME satisfaction out of their lives... 


Bring on the judgement!


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## screwedupsweetie

Do you believe in sex before marriage?
Nope.

Do you believe in casual sex? 
Nope.

Do you believe in monogamy? 
Yes.


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## KrystRay

screwedupsweetie said:


> Do you believe in sex before marriage?
> Nope.
> 
> Do you believe in casual sex?
> Nope.
> 
> Do you believe in monogamy?
> Yes.


 
You're 28... Have you had sex with another person?


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## Darkfiremat

lol im never going into the hell of getting married


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## screwedupsweetie

KrystRay said:


> You're 28... Have you had sex with another person?


Nope. I'm a virgin.


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## KrystRay

Impressive. Once it's gone it really won't mean anything to you anymore. I do wish you luck in your future sex life though!


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## The Great One

KrystRay said:


> When I was younger, I was very much of the belief that sex was only for marriage. Thank God I didn't get married! Now that I'm older and a little more experienced, I think that people should both have sex and live together before making a lifelong commitment to each other. Traditional values are great and everything, but highly unrealistic. We aren't tied to each other out of necessity anymore (like couples were in Biblical days). I don't think that I (as to avoid generalization) should go into any commited relationship not knowing what I'm getting myself into. I know that I would be extremely unhappy with a man who couldn't satisfy my desires (as I have been in the past) and I'm verbal enough about it to let them know it. Any man in that position would be absolutely miserable with me! So, while I think its great that kids (18 and younger) want to wait til they're married, even if its just because they're scared of getting an STD, I do think that experimenting with sexuality is important. I feel bad for a lot of my friends who jump into marriage just so that they can have sex. The guys usually get sick of the BS after a few years and have mistresses and such so that they can get SOME satisfaction out of their lives...
> 
> 
> Bring on the judgement!


I agree full-heartedly with this statement.


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## niss

Traditional values are great and are very realistic. Those not holding such values tend to find themselves in serial relationships for much of their lives.

I prefer to grow old with my first love.


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## KrystRay

Good luck with that.


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## niss

KrystRay said:


> Good luck with that.


It's working so far. I mean, I know we've just begun...:wink:


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## Llanis

*Great posts Niss, and Screwedupsweety*

Alot of people do jump into marriage, because they want sex. Maybe alot of these people do end up unhappy becuase they didn't think about what sharing a life with this person really meant, or didn't understand what this person was all about. 

If the reason your marrying a person is how good the sex is going to be, who knows I've heard from friends that started out hot and heavy then after a few years were miserable. I've known a couple that you would not think would be happy with their sex life, who are despite neither of them being hot. I'm just saying the desire to have sex, or sexual prowess doesn't seem to be good reasons, when considering marriage.

Alot of people stay with people they shouldn't because they are having sex. I've seen tons of screwed up people who take years to get out of relationships based on two things, inertia and sex. Of course inertia meaning a body in a bad relationship is likely to stay in a bad relationship, and of course sex is sex.

The biggest reason to not have sex before marriage for me is that its what I believe in, I'm an imperfect christian. There are other health reasons but they are secondary to this first one. I'm also not blaming others for their pasts

Do you believe in sex before marriage? No
Do you believe in casual sex? No
Do you believe in monogamy? Yes

As for sex being unfulfilling, I've thought about this I don't know if I'll be any good at it, but I plan on being responsive to my mates needs and expressed wishes. I definitely plan on loving and caring for my mate, but until I find her I will wait.


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