# REAL LIFE difference between Fe and Fi?



## Navid (May 11, 2014)

Ive read numerous descriptions of the two but still dont know which I am. Any of you guys know any examples of how the two would act in a daily life situation? 


you're reward is knowing you made navid a happy person


----------



## Giraffe77 (May 5, 2014)

Fi is more a concern for personal feelings that differentiate from the social promoted feelings.
Fe is more concern for promoting a common feeling, and not so concerned with personal feelings.

You can kinda call Fi morals, ethics, attitude. 

Here is a good question for you:
You notice a stranger in your workplace or classroom getting picked on. Everyone is laughing at him and having a good time, but you suspect that the stranger's feelings may be hurt.

Do you:
A: Laugh with everyone else to keep a good spirit
B: Get angry and try to stick up for the stranger.

You may have tendencies to choose A if you value Fe.
Otherwise, you would choose B if you value Fi.

Of course, that sounds pretty bad for Fe. Here is another question.

You bump into a long lost friend from years ago, whom has strongly wronged you in the past. He notices you, flashes a big smile and warmly says hello.

Would you likely

A: Forget about the past and automatically smile back (Fe)
B: Silently mutter to yourself how much you don't like him (Fi)

If you are a T over an F, your feeling function may be a little bit devolved and primitive, and might make it harder to make a choice. You might make the appropriate feeling choice unconsciously.


----------



## Kebachi (May 27, 2014)

TMills27 said:


> You notice a stranger in your workplace or classroom getting picked on. Everyone is laughing at him and having a good time, but you suspect that the stranger's feelings may be hurt.
> 
> Do you:
> A: Laugh with everyone else to keep a good spirit
> ...


That example made me feel like a Fi user XD

Personally, I'd go about it very differently. Since I use Fe I want EVERYONE to be happy or at least comfortable. If I see someone being picked on and looking uncomfortable, even if it's being done in a lighthearted fashion, I always intervene. I may not be aggressive in the way I do so, I'm pretty strategic about it and am great at nullifying negativity and awkwardness. That way EVERYONE is comfortable and the negativity is dispelled. That's Fe. 
Fi might care or it might not. That's more dependent on the person's own personal moral code. I've known plenty of Fi users who could give a crap less about the feelings of others because it wasn't something that they valued.


----------



## Kebachi (May 27, 2014)

TMills27 said:


> You bump into a long lost friend from years ago, whom has strongly wronged you in the past. He notices you, flashes a big smile and warmly says hello.
> 
> Would you likely
> 
> ...


I should have included this in my first post, but I only really thought about it just now. Your second example is more spot on. 
I'm pleasant with people no matter how many times they've wronged or hurt me. It's part of the reason why I can still interact in a courteous manner with family members who abused me as a child. Do I think they're scum? Oh hell yes. However it's against my standards (morals if you will) to behave in a rude or inconsiderate manner as I feel that it not only doesn't solve anything but will make others feel uncomfortable.


----------



## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

TMills27 said:


> Here is a good question for you:
> You notice a stranger in your workplace or classroom getting picked on. Everyone is laughing at him and having a good time, but you suspect that the stranger's feelings may be hurt.
> 
> Do you:
> ...


I don't think those are very good examples. For the first question, I've been in situations where a group was laughing a someone and it's always an Fe type who would become angry and defend the person. Which has resulted in the person to be kicked out of the clique on a few occasions. An Fi person would maybe be turned off by display but keep to themselves and try to cheer the person up after the group left, which is what I would do.

As for the second question, I'd start to think about whether or not I want to forgive the person. If I do, then A. If not then make eye contact, look away and continue walking. I'd be inclined to forgive unless the person wronged in a way that did irreparable damage to your life.


----------



## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

I forgot to give examples:

For Fe, expressions genuinely reflects how you feel. If you're happy you'll look happy. If you're in a sour mood then it'll show. Fi is the opposite. You can be perfectly content but have a difficult time showing it without saying so.

Wearing your emotions on your sleeve is a very EFJ thing, IMO.


----------



## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Here's a good article on the subject of Fe since that would be more relevant to you anyway:

http://personalitycafe.com/articles/50930-explanation-extroverted-feeling-fe.html


----------



## Giraffe77 (May 5, 2014)

I think every psyche has the capability of utilizing feeling in an introverted, and extroverted direction. 

However, with more and more tendency to use the one, the more the unconscious restrains from using the other. 

So it's not a question of if you _always_ use Fe, or Fi. I think if you are healthy, you can transition between both with minimal challenge. 

I agree, my examples, in real life, are rather very exaggerated and pushed to the limit a bit. I was trying my best to describe my own personal understanding of the functions, yet in a strange way I guess. I could have added that in my exmample A, the person was not showing any physical signs of distress, but you felt that if you were in his situation, your feelings could have been hurt. 

I'm also assuming that if you lead with using a feeling function, the more intelligent and evolved it becomes.


----------



## Giraffe77 (May 5, 2014)

MNiS said:


> Here's a good article on the subject of Fe since that would be more relevant to you anyway:


That's a very informative article.


----------



## Giraffe77 (May 5, 2014)

Kebachi said:


> That example made me feel like a Fi user XD
> 
> Personally, I'd go about it very differently. Since I use Fe I want EVERYONE to be happy or at least comfortable. If I see someone being picked on and looking uncomfortable, even if it's being done in a lighthearted fashion, I always intervene. I may not be aggressive in the way I do so, I'm pretty strategic about it and am great at nullifying negativity and awkwardness. That way EVERYONE is comfortable and the negativity is dispelled. That's Fe.
> Fi might care or it might not. That's more dependent on the person's own personal moral code. I've known plenty of Fi users who could give a crap less about the feelings of others because it wasn't something that they valued.


Good point.

Perhaps, I should change the options a bit.

A: Strategically harmonize everyone's feelings in the room to include everyone (Fe)
B: Ruminate on how the situation makes you personally feel (Fi).


----------



## Eikichi (Feb 15, 2014)

TMills27 said:


> Fi is more a concern for personal feelings that differentiate from the social promoted feelings.
> Fe is more concern for promoting a common feeling, and not so concerned with personal feelings.
> 
> You can kinda call Fi morals, ethics, attitude.
> ...


How would act an inferior Fe ? I guess :

1) Ignore / get angry if it turns to physical bullying

2) Black look

And an inferior Fi ?


----------



## Psychopomp (Oct 3, 2012)

Navid said:


> Ive read numerous descriptions of the two but still dont know which I am. Any of you guys know any examples of how the two would act in a daily life situation?
> 
> 
> you're reward is knowing you made navid a happy person


Fi types do not ask for moral advice. Nor do they share moral judgment. Their moral stances are quite utterly off-screen and not a matter for committee. 

In all cases, the Fe would prefer matters of morality be taken to committee. The more people that agree, the more certain and resolute the Fe is. This does not even enter the mind of the Fi. They are neither for nor against people agreeing with them, other than in double-checking the logical sense of it.

An Fi might say, "is it dumb to hate him so much?"
where the Fe might say, "you agree that what he did was deplorable, right?"

You see that the Fi put the logic of it to committee. Appeal to common sense.
The Fe put the morals to committee. Appeal to shared or relative moral sense. 

Now, the Fe might have strong moral convictions that are not a matter for committee - especially if they are, say, religious. However, it will always seek to get on a wavelength with others... to get everyone on board. To push their morals out to the greatest real effect. 

Fe is the activist, the crusader.
Fi is the contrarian, the polemic.


----------



## UsurperQueen (Jul 13, 2014)

TMills27 said:


> Here is a good question for you:
> You notice a stranger in your workplace or classroom getting picked on. Everyone is laughing at him and having a good time, but you suspect that the stranger's feelings may be hurt.
> 
> Do you:
> ...


I told myself I would do B but in reality I'd probably be A I'M I BAD PERSON I'M SORRY

If anything I'd get the group to pick on the guy who attacked him (like mentioning something and people chime in etc etc) to shift the workplace/classroom's attention away from the stranger. But I'd never get angry and ruin the mood like that


----------



## Giraffe77 (May 5, 2014)

Eikichi said:


> How would act an inferior Fe ?


When Fe is in inferior, feeling emotion is primitive and devolved, but valued, so unconsciously seeking help.

In inferior Fe, the personal feelings (Fi) are conscious to the being, but unvalued, and is weakly trying to restrain them and not feel them. This creates an unconscious desire to contribute to the external mood and harmony in the environment, but tends to show as a suggestion to others that it needs help. This could be a reason why there are possibilities of Ti-leads to be awkward in social environments. 

The more and more tendency you put on Ti, the more prevalent this happens. If you do happen to comfortably express and promote feeling in an environment, this would balance out the psyche and return it more into equilibrium. 

When Fi is in inferior, it it is almost the same. Again feeling, and restraining from emotion is unintelligent and weak, due to the strong rationalizing thinking process. 

The common and general mood of your environment is consciously noticed, but unvalued and consciously trying to repress. This makes an unconscious need and desire for moral support (Fi), which kinda shows when they use (Te) in an aggressive, direct, blunt kind of way. When comfortably being able to adjust their personal feelings and ethics, the psyche gains better balance and homeostasis. 

(again, only my opinion and subjective understanding.)


----------



## Le9acyMuse (Mar 12, 2010)

Fe vs. Fi is often seen as "group focus vs. self focus," or "collective focus vs. individual focus." Both Fs care about individuals' behaviors and consider individuals in several social contexts. They both have some ingrained sense of culture and personal expectation, and get pissy when their values get challenged.

Fes coordinate values towards an end they see beneficial to each individual [that they care about].
Fis coordinate values to benefit each individual [that they care about] _at their discretion_ (i.e. according to what appears most beneficial at the time).

(Fe) What will support the symbiotic successes of my friends (interdependent, protective assistance)?
(Fi) What will support the separate successes of my friends (independent, experimental assistance)?

Example:

Some Fes find that doing something trivial, such as excluding others unlike them and their friends, is useful to accomplish camaraderie. Some Fis in groups also do such trivial things, but their attacks are more diffuse and personal (not relying on group momentum as much). As with all types, stuff like that depends on what the person deems worthy of doing.


----------



## dianamodel3 (Jul 18, 2014)

Kebachi said:


> I should have included this in my first post, but I only really thought about it just now. Your second example is more spot on.
> I'm pleasant with people no matter how many times they've wronged or hurt me. It's part of the reason why I can still interact in a courteous manner with family members who abused me as a child. Do I think they're scum? Oh hell yes. However it's against my standards (morals if you will) to behave in a rude or inconsiderate manner as I feel that it not only doesn't solve anything but will make others feel uncomfortable.


I don't know why you say fe is related to how you are nice to people who hurt you before. I think that's just your personal decision or personality not fe.


----------



## Kebachi (May 27, 2014)

dianamodel3 said:


> I don't know why you say fe is related to how you are nice to people who hurt you before. I think that's just your personal decision or personality not fe.


Because Fe is about keeping the mood amiable or harmonious. Fe users are usually cordial, even with people they can't stand. 
If I were a Fi user I would most likely react very differently.


----------



## Giraffe77 (May 5, 2014)

Kebachi said:


> Because Fe is about keeping the mood amiable or harmonious. Fe users are usually cordial, even with people they can't stand.
> If I were a Fi user I would most likely react very differently.


Particularly because in my example, the long-lost friend initiated with a warm and welcoming smile. Fe users can't resist reacting to the mood of the environment over their personal feelings.

That's not to say that a person who values Fe is naive. Especially with Ni in lead, you would have very good instincts in telling whether that smile was genuine or not.


----------



## dianamodel3 (Jul 18, 2014)

Kebachi said:


> Because Fe is about keeping the mood amiable or harmonious. Fe users are usually cordial, even with people they can't stand.
> If I were a Fi user I would most likely react very differently.


Ah yes basically


----------



## thunda3218 (Sep 15, 2014)

I need help to get my movie there.but I have people....I need more people for the movie I'm making....can you help me and I write scripts to I have two scripts do I did myself talk to soon


----------



## Inveniet (Aug 21, 2009)

I think it is important to think about what Fi and Fe actually does.
If the situation is the object.
Then Fe relate to the object and Fi disempower the object.
How Fe relates to the object depends on the values Fe adheres to, 
how Fi disempower it depends on the values Fi adheres to.

The problems with the examples so far is trying to give specific action examples.
However both Fi and Fe can be driven to take all sorts of actions.
It is the underlying stance to the object that is the big difference.


----------



## Ksara (Feb 13, 2014)

Here is a real life example from my own personal experience. I believe I was using my Fe function, where as my partners was using his Fi function (also this is my interpretation so it may not be completely correct).

Ok so my partner was ready to leave his place on his way to mine. I decided because I was low on milk I would ask him if he could grab a bottle. So I called him up and politely asked if on his way to mine could he call into the shops to grab some milk. I was expecting he would say sure no problem. (I mean it's is not uncommon for people to do favors such as this for one another especially when met with a polite please, I would say this is my Fe)
My partner surprised me with no. He feels strongly against cars and using them for mundane tasks (he does't agree with polluting for the sake of a 2 minute trip). He also saw it as an opportunity for me (or someone else) to walk to the shops themselves getting some exercise, as being fit and healthy is another important value to him. He also thinks that people are too afraid of the world and need to get out more (that obesity is bad, and computer screens ar bad). He would not go out of his way to compromise his values, Fi.


It's also important to note functions don't work in isolation, that is Fi/Te and Fe/Ti work together.

So Ti for me was realizing I didn't have the time to get the milk as I was busy so the next logical response was to ask my partner as he was going to be on the road passing by the shops. I knew that it wasn't going to be too much out of his way and that he was the best person to do it (as everyone else was home not out and about).

His Te was more about it wasting his time and that it's innefficiant to use a car that way (better to use legs)




Side note, I guess this is why some Fe users see Fi as selfish, where as the Fi user is just following their code of ethics to remain authentic.


----------



## boogel (Jul 5, 2014)

Here's another example from a Fi point of view.

I was volunteering in a organization and we were planning on an event. Things started to go into a wrong direction from my point of view so I decided I couldn't take part on this. I thought that the best thing to do was to quietly step back and leave the others do whatever they want to do.

When I told the others about my decision some people (apparently Fe-users?) got anxious (or worried, I don't know what they were feeling at the moment) and started convincing me to stay. It was quite uncomfortable and awkward situation for me, because the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself. No one forced me to leave the group, it was purely my decision and the best thing I could do at that point for myself and the group. Unfortunately they took it somehow personally although there were nothing personal about it. It was only my personal issue.


----------



## thunda3218 (Sep 15, 2014)

I have experience in movies. This is my first movie script I write myself. If I don't get know help I will do it on my own


----------



## Ksara (Feb 13, 2014)

boogel said:


> Here's another example from a Fi point of view.
> 
> I was volunteering in a organization and we were planning on an event. Things started to go into a wrong direction from my point of view so I decided I couldn't take part on this. I thought that the best thing to do was to quietly step back and leave the others do whatever they want to do.
> 
> When I told the others about my decision some people (apparently Fe-users?) got anxious (or worried, I don't know what they were feeling at the moment) and started convincing me to stay. It was quite uncomfortable and awkward situation for me, because the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself. No one forced me to leave the group, it was purely my decision and the best thing I could do at that point for myself and the group. Unfortunately they took it somehow personally although there were nothing personal about it. It was only my personal issue.



Hmm I'll try take a look at the Fe user side 

Hypothetically speaking:
I would say I would be worried or anxious you were leaving because I may have upset you (which I didn't want to do). That would then be me taking it personally (I feel bad because I would be thinking I did something and now you feel you have to leave). I would then encourage you to stay because I don't want you to remove yourself because of me, I'd rather adjust my behaviour so I don't upset you.
And I don't think I'd realize that was making you uncomfortable :/ well unless you were giving off an emotional tone.

If I knew that you were leavening on your own accord and not because of an offense I may have caused I would have been much more at easygoing about it all 
However if you were indeed upset and you told me you weren't I would take it you weren't :/
(perhaps my Fe is more to the inferior side of things and concerned about upsetting others...)


----------



## boogel (Jul 5, 2014)

Ksara said:


> Hmm I'll try take a look at the Fe user side
> 
> Hypothetically speaking:
> I would say I would be worried or anxious you were leaving because I may have upset you (which I didn't want to do). That would then be me taking it personally (I feel bad because I would be thinking I did something and now you feel you have to leave). I would then encourage you to stay because I don't want you to remove yourself because of me, I'd rather adjust my behaviour so I don't upset you.
> ...


Nice to have another perspective.

You see, what I wanted was to show that I appreciate their effort and respect their plans by leaving instead of feeding my own personal values to them. It's just that I don't talk about my emotions much, and this wasn't actually an emotional thing at all. It was a rational choice. I probably didn't know how to explain my decision well enough to the others because the situation ended up to be so overwhelming and I didn't want to cause harm to anyone. I honestly believed that if I explained myself to the others calmly without any emotional outbursts they would realize that I'm not upset or anything like that. But like I said, I'm not good at verbalizing my thoughts.


----------

