# Are children too young to type?



## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

I have a difficult time understanding my daughter. I thought maybe if I figured out her personality type, it might help. But then, her personality is still developing. What's the youngest a person can get a somewhat accurate personality typing?


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## neovincci (Mar 6, 2011)

I would say there is no definite age, but while her brain is still developing, she will likely be using all the cognitive functions with equal preference. As she develops her own favourite ways for making decisions and perceiving the world, the areas of her brain responsible for these activities will develop more connexions and become stronger, while other functions that receive less use will weaken. This process is known as neuroplasticity, and after this has settled somewhat, her type will be most evident. The process continues on throughout life however, so theoretically, no one's type is entirely settled as functions can continue to develop.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

neovincci said:


> I would say there is no definite age, but while her brain is still developing, she will likely be using all the cognitive functions with equal preference. As she develops her own favourite ways for making decisions and perceiving the world, the areas of her brain responsible for these activities will develop more connexions and become stronger, while other functions that receive less use will weaken. This process is known as neuroplasticity, and after this has settled somewhat, her type will be most evident. The process continues on throughout life however, so theoretically, no one's type is entirely settled as functions can continue to develop.



But she's shown strong preferences from day one. Me and my husband love to laugh. We take very little seriously in life and neither do our boys. Our daughter is so serious and was serious from newborn and never really picked up on humour. She takes everything everyone says so literally! The boys from toddler stage were already starting to use wit. Grade 3 and she doesn't get it. She's naturally book smart and drawn to music and art. But she can't read people or situations at all! She's naturally athletic but so cautious she never pushes herself. Actually, she never pushes herself at all. She's very nurturing, sweet and kind, but she doesn't take risks and she's scared of everything. She's so sensitive, I find myself second guessing everything I say around her. 

I love her, I'm just worried she's going to grow up waiting for prince charming to take care of her and that worries me.


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## neovincci (Mar 6, 2011)

Well, it's possible your daughter has already chosen her identity. For myself, when I hear my friends and family describe who I was in the first ten years of life, I definitely hear a dissonance. Some saw me as extroverted and nurturing, like an ENFJ, other family members as introverted and analytical, like an INTP. I think young people are in flux and who knows what experiences your daughter may have in the near future that will cause her to change...or not. Undoubtedly, some people show a consistency in temperament and personality from childhood to adulthood.

I don't have children myself, but I can partially understand how you feel worried for your daughter. Even without knowing her type, you do have an influence in shaping her values -- like self-reliance, girl power, and a healthy sense of equality between women and men. This can help offset any tendency for dependency that you may see in her now.


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

IMO, JCF and their position in one's psyche don't develop until around 12-14. It could, theoretically, be predicted, but there are tons of factors involved, including the degree and specific way of the usual terrible manner in which children are raised. 



monemi said:


> Our daughter is so serious and was serious from newborn and never really picked up on humour. She takes everything everyone says so literally!


Kids take everything literally; especially toddlers. I wouldn't call 3rd grade humor 'witty.'


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

ThatOneWeirdGuy said:


> IMO, JCF and their position in one's psyche don't develop until around 12-14. It could, theoretically, be predicted, but there are tons of factors involved, including the degree and specific way of the usual terrible manner in which children are raised.
> 
> 
> 
> Kids take everything literally; especially toddlers. I wouldn't call 3rd grade humor 'witty.'


The boys don't take everything seriously. They see our smiles, the hear the tone in our voice and they know we're being silly. And I absolutely have seen evidence of wit in younger kids. It's not as mature as adults, but it has to start somewhere. It's like she missed out on the silly gene.


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

monemi said:


> The boys don't take everything seriously. They see our smiles, the hear the tone in our voice and they know we're being silly. And I absolutely have seen evidence of wit in younger kids. It's not as mature as adults, but it has to start somewhere. It's like she missed out on the silly gene.


I think our definitions of wit are different.

I highly doubt something like this is genetic; whatever it is, it has something to do with her 'nurture.'

Could you give an example of her not being able to understand humor? Was she like this before she started talking in sentences? Is she more attracted to slightly more mature/advanced humor?


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## Belle Chat (May 24, 2013)

I definitely think kids, even young kids, have personality traits/preferences that don't change much, especially if they are strong preferences. I was a shy, sensitive, daydreaming, & creative kid and I'm a shy, sensitive, daydreaming, & creative adult. Yes, I've developed in some areas, but the essentials of my personality are much the same now (in my 40's) as when I was in elementary school.

A friend of mine has a four year old daughter who is an off-the-chart extrovert and a feeler. I don't know her well enough to figure out her entire type, but there's no doubt about those two preferences, and I'm positive she will be an EXFX her entire life. I watched my best friend's daughter grow up and her personality is pretty much exactly the same now (she's in her mid 20s) as it was when she was 4 years old.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

ThatOneWeirdGuy said:


> I think our definitions of wit are different.
> 
> I highly doubt something like this is genetic; whatever it is, it has something to do with her 'nurture.'
> 
> Could you give an example of her not being able to understand humor? Was she like this before she started talking in sentences? Is she more attracted to slightly more mature/advanced humor?


Other babies, when you play peekaboo or pull silly faces, they'll laugh or smile or grin. She gave long unimpressed stares. I had so many people comment on her reaction or lack thereof and I found the same thing. 

I can't think of anything specific right now, but the best example I can pull out of a hat:

Me: "Oh you're really in trouble now! He's coming to get you!" 

DD: "But he's just a baby, how could he hurt me?"

Most children would get it. They might not necessarily laugh, but they would understand the joke. 

I've seen wit in children. A boy tried to tease my son. "You're playing with *****, that means you* like* her." He responded with: "You're playing with *****, does that mean you *like* him?" Children do possess wit. 

I'd like to take credit for her being so smart and kind and sweet and well behaved. But these things are just part of who she is. Along with not liking loud noises, lots of people and being extremely cautious. The boys have been raised the same way and they're fearless and find humour in a lot of things. You highly doubt it's genetic. I highly doubt it's nurture. I'd like to encourage her to be braver and maybe her humour so she doesn't just laugh when the other kids laugh at school.


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

monemi said:


> Other babies, when you play peekaboo or pull silly faces, they'll laugh or smile or grin. She gave long unimpressed stares. I had so many people comment on her reaction or lack thereof and I found the same thing.


Again, can I get an age range?



monemi said:


> I can't think of anything specific right now, but the best example I can pull out of a hat:
> 
> Me: "Oh you're really in trouble now! He's coming to get you!"
> 
> ...


Try to think of something recent. How old is she now?



monemi said:


> I've seen wit in children. A boy tried to tease my son. "You're playing with *****, that means you* like* her." He responded with: "You're playing with *****, does that mean you *like* him?" Children do possess wit.


It must have not registered; I think we have different definitions of wit.



monemi said:


> I'd like to take credit for her being so smart and kind and sweet and well behaved. But these things are just part of who she is. Along with not liking loud noises, lots of people and being extremely cautious. The boys have been raised the same way and they're fearless and find humour in a lot of things. You highly doubt it's genetic. I highly doubt it's nurture. I'd like to encourage her to be braver and maybe her humour so she doesn't just laugh when the other kids laugh at school.


You probably haven't studied psychology and genetic influences to the degree that I have then.

At any rate, here's some advice: As she matures, don't try to mold her into what you think she should be like. This will cause much frustration and conflict for both of you, and make her feel like she's not good enough. From what you've told us, it sounds like she's an introvert.



And another question that must have not registered: Is she attracted to more advanced/mature humor?


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## Pixzelina (May 25, 2013)

I think it depends on the kid. As a kid I was shy, sensitive, LOVED to withdraw from the world to daydream and create stories in my head (that is unless something really exciting was happening in the real world) I've always been lazy and disorganized and I'm still like that to this day. My brother on the other hand was very extroverted as a kid, was crazy and spontaneous, annoying at times, loud, a little bit of a brat. Now he's quieter, more serious and seems more thankful. As a kid I think he was a classic ESFP, and now he's more of an XSFJ..


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

ThatOneWeirdGuy said:


> Again, can I get an age range?
> 
> 0-12 months.
> 
> ...


..


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## like hella days (May 15, 2013)

You can tell which kids are introverts or extroverts... If you can't tell if your kid is an introvert or extrovert, I would just give up for now. 

At such a young age you may only be able to vaguely figure out what they're primary extroverted function is... maybe

good luck


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

@monemi

The bike-riding thing is exactly what I'm talking about with you making her feel like she's not good enough. When you told her "it was her choice," she probably felt as though she'd let you down if you said no and she'd somehow be a 9 year old's version of incompetent. *She might have felt forced into the whole thing. *

Have you ever thought about her being a _child_, so not thinking rationally all the time (not that most adults do that _at all_) and needing emotional support, no matter how confusing it seems to you? What about her being scared to death of failure for whatever reason? Again, she needs emotional support for this, not (if you do so) frustration from parents about it. 

I don't see how her asking many questions says anything about humor. Care to elaborate?

Her asking questions is a very good thing, though. Most kid's get the curiosity sucked right out of them by their parents and/or school by that age. Be sure to encourage it and encourage rational reasoning and valuing of truth. 



I find this topic very interesting, but if you feel I'm projecting my views onto you then, quite frankly, I'm not sorry. The raising of children is a frustrating topic for me, so I will comment on some things, as shown above.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

ThatOneWeirdGuy said:


> @monemi
> 
> The bike-riding thing is exactly what I'm talking about with you making her feel like she's not good enough. When you told her "it was her choice," she probably felt as though she'd let you down if you said no and she'd somehow be a 9 year old's version of incompetent. *She might have felt forced into the whole thing. *
> 
> ...


Maybe she felt forced into it. I give options. I'm not sure how I'd make her believe she has options. I can just tell her it's her choice. It is hard to understand. I was a fearless kid, so when I see her panic, I'll tell her she has another 70+ years to learn. Doesn't have to be today. She doesn't have to be good at everything. But the circular crying is what leaves me completely confused. I've cried about 3 times in past 10 years. I didn't really cry after I was school age unless I was physically hurt. And I'm not going to tell her off for crying. I'm just not prepared for some of the things that she cries about. A lot of the time, I'm looking at my husband for answers. He's an ISFJ, sometimes he has more insight. 

It was easier when she was smaller. When she cried, she'd come to me for a hug. Now she doesn't want a hug and I'm not really sure how to make it better. 

The amount of questions she asks is both a source of amusement and annoying. I thought questions were a phase but she's been going for a good many years now. I reach my limit and ask for a time out on the questions sometimes. I've pointed out that while I'm massively superior, I'm not actually a deity and I don't know everything just yet. She needs to give me more time. 


If you hadn't notice, I have jerk tendencies. I'm not too concerned what people think of me. And I'm interested in hearing other perspectives because I'm not getting answers out of her. I had to adjust to being more sensitive with my husband. It took some work, but I figured it out. I'd like to figure my daughter out too. Right now, I feel like I'm walking on egg shells and she probably isn't going to get any better in her teens.


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

monemi said:


> Maybe she felt forced into it. I give options. I'm not sure how I'd make her believe she has options. I can just tell her it's her choice. It is hard to understand. I was a fearless kid, so when I see her panic, I'll tell her she has another 70+ years to learn. Doesn't have to be today. She doesn't have to be good at everything. But the circular crying is what leaves me completely confused. I've cried about 3 times in past 10 years. I didn't really cry after I was school age unless I was physically hurt. And I'm not going to tell her off for crying. I'm just not prepared for some of the things that she cries about. A lot of the time, I'm looking at my husband for answers. He's an ISFJ, sometimes he has more insight.
> 
> It was easier when she was smaller. When she cried, she'd come to me for a hug. Now she doesn't want a hug and I'm not really sure how to make it better.
> 
> ...


About the questions, encourage her to investigate herself and ask her what she thinks the answer is. She's obviously an emotional, introverted and inquisitive child and I can relate to her quite a bit from when I was a little younger than her. I like what you said about her not wanting hugs anymore when she gets upset. Her emotions are much more deeper and complex than that now, and like you said they will continue to be as she gets into her teens. I don't know how to offer you an abstract understanding of her psyche, from how I understand these aspects of it, but I can give advice on how to handle it, because it looks like the two of you will turn out to be complete opposites, along with her and her brothers. 

You have to understand her fear of failure is a core, emotional drive and fear. It takes more than telling her the rational answer of "well, you have 70+ years to learn." Really work with her and try to get her to understand it's okay to fail at something, because you learn from each failure and get better. At the same time, I wouldn't encourage making her feel like she did good at something, when in fact she didn't, but not in a negative way. If that makes any sense.


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## RandomNote (Apr 10, 2013)

Might be to young?


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

ThatOneWeirdGuy said:


> About the questions, encourage her to investigate herself and ask her what she thinks the answer is. She's obviously an emotional, introverted and inquisitive child and I can relate to her quite a bit from when I was a little younger than her. I like what you said about her not wanting hugs anymore when she gets upset. Her emotions are much more deeper and complex than that now, and like you said they will continue to be as she gets into her teens. I don't know how to offer you an abstract understanding of her psyche, from how I understand these aspects of it, but I can give advice on how to handle it, because it looks like the two of you will turn out to be complete opposites, along with her and her brothers.
> 
> You have to understand her fear of failure is a core, emotional drive and fear. It takes more than telling her the rational answer of "well, you have 70+ years to learn." Really work with her and try to get her to understand it's okay to fail at something, because you learn from each failure and get better. At the same time, I wouldn't encourage making her feel like she did good at something, when in fact she didn't, but not in a negative way. If that makes any sense.


I feel bad for her. Childhood was playful and fun and she's making it hard and stressful. I want her to have what I had. You don't have to colour inside the lines. I don't understand being scared of failing. It's a whole lot funnier than getting it right every time. What's scary is watching her not even try.


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## ThatOneWeirdGuy (Nov 22, 2012)

monemi said:


> I feel bad for her. Childhood was playful and fun and she's making it hard and stressful. I want her to have what I had. You don't have to colour inside the lines. I don't understand being scared of failing. It's a whole lot funnier than getting it right every time. What's scary is watching her not even try.


I see it as potential for a very independent and intelligent mind. But yes, this highlights a difference between the two of you. If you ever feel like you just cannot get something about her and your husband is struggling with it too, you're welcome to PM me if you want and I'll give my interpretation.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

... is this just a simple miscommunication?

What if what you perceive to be a fear of failure is really a fear of rejection? Maybe "I can't do it" is really "I don't want to do it, yet, I see my family acting very differently then I act and therefore I must pretend to enjoy the same things they do in order to be accepted."

I can't emphasize the importance of letting people be themselves. I felt pressured to into being someone I'm not; and at the age of 32 I told my girlfriend that I was no longer certain of who I really was. I understand for childhood, forget childhood, life to be fun and playful. The question remains of how each and every single one of us defines fun. I was naturally extroverted, extremely social and would always get in trouble for pointing out the fallacies in everything and I wasn't allowed to be that. Fun for me was playing with my sister's chemistry set and having her explain to me what atoms are, or looking at her paintings, learning piano. This was actually fun for me. I only ever pretended to like sports, and do guy things because I wanted to actually have friends.


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