# Fe, Fi, and Emoting



## vocalist (Jul 21, 2010)

I am an emoter. When I am upset about something, or on the other hand unusually happy, I like to let people know. That is, if I think someone will _care_ to know (it's not like I go around emoting on complete strangers). If I am all alone, on the other hand, or I don't think anyone around me will be interested, then I will keep to myself.

Is this an Fe thing? I mean, are Fi users (either dom, aux, or tert, since even T types can have developed Feeling functions) likely to do this, too? Or are they more the type to keep their emotions (not the same as feelings) to themselves even around familiar people?

For example: If I suffer some acute pain, like stubbing my toe-- If there's someone around to hear, I will probably make some sort of noise to alert them (I don't really think about this before I do it, I just do it automatically); but if I'm all alone in the house, I will stay silent and just wince and bear it, because there's no point in making any noise just to alert _myself,_ because I already know I've hurt myself.

I'm just wondering about this. Because there's been a lot of discussion on how it's a fallacy to think that emotion=xxFx and non-emotion=xxTx. But could it possibly be more accurate to say that emotion=Fe and non-emotion=Fi? Ergo, an xxTx with Fe as a function might appear to be more emotional at times than an xxFx with Fi...?


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## Van (Dec 28, 2009)

If I stub my toe, I will swear loudly whether I'm alone or not (well, except if my grandma is there).
Do you laugh at things when you're alone? I ask because I saw a group on Facebook that was something along the lines of 'like this if you still laugh out loud when you're watching TV by yourself'. I didn't really understand why that group would even exist. If something is funny, I will laugh. It's physically difficult not to.


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## vocalist (Jul 21, 2010)

Van said:


> Do you laugh at things when you're alone?


No. I just smile, and I _might_ chuckle a little...


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## geGamedev (Nov 26, 2009)

Van said:


> If I stub my toe, I will swear loudly whether I'm alone or not (well, except if my grandma is there).
> Do you laugh at things when you're alone? I ask because I saw a group on Facebook that was something along the lines of 'like this if you still laugh out loud when you're watching TV by yourself'. I didn't really understand why that group would even exist. If something is funny, I will laugh. It's physically difficult not to.


I'm actually more likely to laugh when alone than with others. I'm not sure why really...


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

I am more likely to experience emotions when I am interacting with real people, or pets, nature, etc. some living things.
When I am alone or interacting over internet then I don't feel as much.
This is how I know that I use Fe not Fi.
Fe also makes me feel all warm inside when I am part of a group of people. There is this sense of unity and belonging. If you ever see people express their feeling how they love everyone when they get drunk, yeah that's me only I don't have to drink for it to happen. It just a natural feeling I get when I am with others.

I am not expressive with my emotions mostly because I don't want to burden others with them. When somebody is venting it charges other people around with negative emotion. Why would I want to do that? May be very close friends will hear. If I had a bad day at work I will most likely just internally digest it. Physical ailments is same, without necessity I will not tell people that I am sick or have pain somewhere. If I just hit my toe and am in pain, in that very moment yes I will grimace and emote and yell out and express my pain to those around me. But then who wouldn't do this? Pain is a very basic feeling that reconnects us to the moment to the now and to how we feel.


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

Van said:


> I ask because I saw a group on Facebook that was something along the lines of 'like this if you still laugh out loud when you're watching TV by yourself'. I didn't really understand why that group would even exist.


I don't understand why most FB groups exist. They get more pointless by the day. "Like this if you like to put on a sweater when you're cold" Really riveting stuff there....

To the OP, I laugh when amused, I yell when injured etc. It's all the same to me whether someone is in my presence or not. It's more instincts and reflex rather than trying to communicate something to others, at least for me it would seem.


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## lyk0s (Oct 8, 2009)

Oh, I laugh when I see something funny, I don't care if others are there or not, if i think it's funny enough i will burst out laughing which usually makes me laugh more at the ridiculousness of me laughing by myself. However i love group atmospheres and laughing with tons of people /telling jokes (i'm a pretty social person.) Both Fi and Fe can have fun in groups. But when I am laughing the hardest it's usually because I find some personal take or irony in the whatever i'm observing or thinking about that is hard to explain and is just funny to me. I will then try to share my insight with others. :crazy:

I will pretty freely express my emotions when around others, i don't think Fi users have an absence of desire to share and connect through feelings. However there different moods; sometimes I enjoy a light feel to my emotions and at other times i crave a deeper, more meaningful level, almost so i can reconnect with myself. Most of the time listening to music can do this to me, and it's something I seek out to find some peace of mind or when the mood strikes me.

From personal experience with my sister (enfj) I can say that Fi and Fe can often get along very well and enjoy many of the same things/be similar in wanting to share and connect. However when diving into the essence the functions, Fi results in a very deep-felt personal equilibrium, it can be joy, despair, even ambition/pure energy. Whereas from what I observe Fe gets more bleeding heart only in the presence of others, of people who are very special / having meaning in the user's life. It's almost as if Fi thrives in the absence of others (being lost in the flow of music) or from one other person (on something approaching the idea of soul mate or lover) while Fe benefits from the interaction with many people and feeling a sense of belonging.

i'm realize I'm wildly speculating a bit here with the Fe analysis, so no offense intended if i'm off the mark. :sad:


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## vel (May 17, 2010)

lyk0s said:


> .... It's almost as if Fi thrives in the absence of others (being lost in the flow of music) or from one other person (on something approaching the idea of soul mate or lover) while Fe benefits from the interaction with many people and feeling a sense of belonging.
> 
> i'm realize I'm wildly speculating a bit here with the Fe analysis, so no offense intended if i'm off the mark. :sad:


Sounds about right 
Though I am an introvert my Fe is often what forces me to come out of my shell and interact with other people.
Can you describe how does Fi exactly reinforce bonding with others? Fi types seem to be people oriented too, though in different manner than Fe types, so there seems to be some different mechanism for this.


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## lyk0s (Oct 8, 2009)

Using Fi to interact with others many times comes down to trying to use it to uniquely understand them, especially when combined with Ne. Fi recognizes the subjectivity of each person with regard to feelings, personal beliefs and preferences. You want to try to gain their unique perspective on an issue or a problem they are having by listening and empathizing with them (of course this is easier if you know the person better/longer, but one with developed Fi could certainly empathize with a complete stranger pretty easily in a matter of minutes if given enough input into their subjective state.)

If a friend is upset about something that happened during the day, I may probe them for more information until i understand the sequence of events, or if i already have an idea of where things stand. Fi hates to see people suffering, and will usually offer some of its own subjective feelings or experiences to draw out more information from the other to better understand them/ the situation; by gaining a fuller understanding, it becomes easier to see possibilities to resolve conflict or restore harmony in the other/relationship. This is where Ne can make such a great contribution. Ne by itself is an idea generator, but when focused by the intense lens of the knowledge of the situation collected by Fi, it can be an extremely powerful force to very quickly find fixes to the problem, and the more Fi understands another, the quicker/more powerful these results may be.

This is why enfps are known as incredible problem solvers, even when faced with a novel situation and what may seem like relatively few options. This can apply to almost anything the enfp has knowledge of (eg. construction projects, cooking with few ingredients, solving physics problems, creating music) And if the enfp doesn't have knowledge of a situation (especially if people related) Fi is available to understand and gather more information. Many times Fi doesn't need to probe for information, it understands things just by interacting with others/experience.

Of course not every enfp is like this all the time, and unfortunately I often run into enfps on my campus (i can tell pretty quickly if someone is an enfp, there's that 'connection' you can get when talking to one) who can be complete spazes and I used to be that way too when younger. It's the excitingness of the millions of possibles/cleverness that make you feel unstoppable! But once Fi is better understood, if utilized to 'focus the bright lens' of Ne (which in this analogy is solar powered) an enfp is capable of accomplishing great things


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

lyk0s said:


> Using Fi to interact with others many times comes down to trying to use it to uniquely understand them, especially when combined with Ne. Fi recognizes the subjectivity of each person with regard to feelings, personal beliefs and preferences. You want to try to gain their unique perspective on an issue or a problem they are having by listening and empathizing with them (of course this is easier if you know the person better/longer, but one with developed Fi could certainly empathize with a complete stranger pretty easily in a matter of minutes if given enough input into their subjective state.)
> 
> If a friend is upset about something that happened during the day, I may probe them for more information until i understand the sequence of events, or if i already have an idea of where things stand. Fi hates to see people suffering, and will usually offer some of its own subjective feelings or experiences to draw out more information from the other to better understand them/ the situation; by gaining a fuller understanding, it becomes easier to see possibilities to resolve conflict or restore harmony in the other/relationship. This is where Ne can make such a great contribution. Ne by itself is an idea generator, but when focused by the intense lens of the knowledge of the situation collected by Fi, it can be an extremely powerful force to very quickly find fixes to the problem, and the more Fi understands another, the quicker/more powerful these results may be.
> 
> ...


Wow. This is perfect and extremely well-written. Thank you.

In regards to the OP, I don't like experiencing or expressing negative emotions in front of others. If I do, it is extremely rare. I usually put them on "hold" until I can be alone or go for a run. My best friend who is Fe dom (ENFJ), has told me that she notices I am very "analytical" about my emotions. She says it's as if I'm "disconnected" from them. I explained to her that often I use Ne or even Te to explain things to her. When I am related stories to a person, I'm remaining detached and looking at things objectively. 

Practically most of my best friends are ENFJs. I've notice they all tend to tell me that I need "a hug" or to go to someone when I'm down. The encourage an outside action. When they are down, I tend to talk with them so that they can redirect focus back onto _themselves_ while guiding them to think of things a different way so that they are able to feel better. They all seem to really love it. So in other words, I feel like my Fe dom friends encourage me to go "outward" for support and to feel better and I encourage them to go inward and look within in themselves.

All that being said, it is not uncommon for me to cry _for_ a person as I am feeling their pain. When an individual is expressing their story to me, I can go throughout a whole gamut of emotions. And it's very visible too. Sometimes I carry it with me too and am incredibly upset by it as if I were the person experiencing it.


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

I was told that Fe makes a personal empathetic while Fi creates sympathy but not necessarily empathy. Is that correct or do I have it switched around? I'm not sure if I'm empathetic or sympathetic. I just know when I hear something bad that happened to someone I either feel nothing at all, or so sad that it makes me sick. When it comes to happy emotions I'm far more balanced.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

Linnifae said:


> I was told that Fe makes a personal empathetic while Fi creates sympathy but not necessarily empathy. Is that correct or do I have it switched around?


You have it switched. Fi= empathy. Fe=sympathy. 

I also caution Fi users about having children. Ugh, it's emotionally painful.


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

pinkrasputin said:


> You have it switched. Fi= empathy. Fe=sympathy.
> 
> I also caution Fi users about having children. Ugh, it's painful.


Tht makes more sense to me.

And yes, I'm terrified of having children mostly for that very reason!


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Fi - indivudual emotional sensitivity, the bee, each bee, though stillconnected, more localised, Fe - vibe/group harmony sensitivity - more a whole; noticing changes, getting uncomfortable but being unsure why; vaguer, the hive? (I can't say I'm particularly brilliant at understading group dynamics, person to person vibe and pondering is more my thing, however I suppose this might be how you term elements of it in a generalised sense.)

I cannotice _things _about a person, and to an extent make judgements - but tapping into them emotionally, mentally and so forth is not so natural or intuitive for me, more accidental, and rare when it does happen. However the lack of intense empathy makes judgements less stable; less sure, as I can only be sure of the things, and then reason my way from there, unless they're emoting strongly, or are a strong emoter.


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## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I just want to add that any type can learn empathy. It's about becoming an emotional amoeba and allowing yourself to experience other people's emotions. It validates their feelings and doesn't try to change other people's feelings. This is even if you haven't been in another person's situation. For instance, you can say "No, I can't imagine what it feels like. I've never lost someone so close like that. But I yes I understand that it must feel terrible and scary for you." But imagining the reality of how you would feel in their situation, might also allow to know how to respond better to that person. Empathy is not about feeling "sorry" for a person or telling them to not to feel that way. You don't feel like an outside observer, you feel as if you are going through it with them. 

Also, just because someone has Fi, it does not automatically make them empathetic. Empathy also has roots in self knowledge in and understanding how you feel in certain situations. Recognizing how and why you respond emotionally and physically in situations can help you recognize it in another person.


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

vocalist said:


> I mean, are Fi users (either dom, aux, or tert, since even T types can have developed Feeling functions) likely to do this, too? Or are they more the type to keep their emotions (not the same as feelings) to themselves even around familiar people?


I don't emote a whole lot. The closer I am to someone, the more comfortable I may feel emoting, but even that is only a small glimpse of the real internal story. There is an aspect of emoting that makes me feel vulnerable, which makes me uncomfortable. I also don't need validation very often, and when I do, it then raises the issue of vulnerability. I tend to use my emotions as signals to chew over something to understand what it means to me, or as signals to the actual meaning. I use them much less to connect with or affect other people.

Unfortunately, this can mean I find it easier to express negative emotion, as it requires little reciprocation and is used to communicate that something is wrong. I'll react in response to some violation of an ideal/value, and that can make me seem "tempermental". I also can give off a subtle moody vibe, as my processing of emotions is not always as undercover as I'd like - glimpses of it sneak through.



> But could it possibly be more accurate to say that emotion=Fe and non-emotion=Fi? Ergo, an xxTx with Fe as a function might appear to be more emotional at times than an xxFx with Fi...?


No, because this implies Fi people do not experience emotion. Every person experiences emotion, but Feelers may place greater value on emotion due to the meaning they signal, and Feeling deals with evaluating meaning, and so they may in turn express emotion more and seem more emotional. This is especially true of Fe people, because Fe as a function is extroverted and needs that external stimulus to evaluate - it seeks to affect and be affected by the external (including other people) in order to determine significance. If a Fe person is happy, they want to share it with someone, as that confirms their happiness. They also relate through emotion, and this creates the external harmony & consensus that Fe aims for. Obviously, IxFJs will be more reserved, as they are Pi-dom (introverted perceivers) and will want to conserve energy & prefer to focus on their perceptions.

Fi people, being feelers, are no less emotional on the whole, but feeling, including emotional feeling, is turned inward to digest, and this is best done _alone_. The emotion is held against an internal value, something derived from an innate vision of the ideal. Often, the emotion has signaled a violation of a value, and the why & how is then explored. Meaning is gleaned and evaluated, and the Fi-dom then returns to a neutral state. Often, nothing needs to be expressed. Sometimes when a Fi-dom is upset & shows it, they have been prodded to respond before finished processing their emotion, or they let it get the best of them & acted on it without reasoning through it. ExFPs, being extroverts, use Fi to support their extroverted perceiving, so they will often seem much more expressive and warm than an IxFP, despite the IxFP being feeling dominant.


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## Pyroscope (Apr 8, 2010)

OrangeAppled said:


> Fi people, being feelers, are no less emotional on the whole, but feeling, including emotional feeling, is turned inward to digest, and this is best done alone. The emotion is held against an internal value, something derived from an innate vision of the ideal. Often, the emotion has signaled a violation of a value, and the why & how is then explored. Meaning is gleaned and evaluated, and the Fi-dom then returns to a neutral state. Often, nothing needs to be expressed. Sometimes when a Fi-dom is upset & shows it, they have been prodded to respond before finished processing their emotion, or they let it get the best of them & acted on it without reasoning through it. ExFPs, being extroverts, use Fi to support their extroverted perceiving, so they will often seem much more expressive and warm than an IxFP, despite the IxFP being feeling dominant


 Great description. I often feel like I 'digest' emotions when an outside source causes me to feel something. I don't feel like I'm particularly emotionally expressive, but still quite emotional. It can deeply affect me when I hear something that I personally disagree with strongly and feel that others believe to be the only way for things to exist. Cliches and stereotypes bug the hell out of me because they insult depth of feeling, whilst also twisting it in some people's eyes to manipulate and wound the true meaning of some examples of feeling.


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## Indigo Aria (Jan 12, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Also, just because someone has Fi, it does not automatically make them empathetic. Empathy also has roots in self knowledge in and understanding how you feel in certain situations. Recognizing how and why you respond emotionally and physically in situations can help you recognize it in another person.


To me, it seems like a strong Fi user that doesn't understand themselves or where their feelings come from tend to be whiny and annoying. I think it's where many of Fi's negative stereotypes come from, like self righteousness, shiftyness, and just plain old whinyness. I know I was like that when I was younger.

And to answer the original question...I'm Fi dom, and IRL I don't really emote at all, unless I get into a really really deep convo with someone. I tend to be kind of cold.


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## Indigo Aria (Jan 12, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> Fi users ... having children. .


No thank you, I don't care for any:crazy:


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## Linnifae (Nov 13, 2009)

TheLuckyOne said:


> And to answer the original question...I'm Fi dom, and IRL I don't really emote at all, unless I get into a really really deep convo with someone. I tend to be kind of cold.


When under severe stress I get cold. I'm always worried about the feelings of others and empathize/sympathize with others quite easily but when I'm _really_ stressed out I go the other extreme and become cold and hard so that I practically make my ISTP husband look like a a Care Bear :dry:


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

Pyroscope said:


> Great description. I often feel like I 'digest' emotions when an outside source causes me to feel something. I don't feel like I'm particularly emotionally expressive, but still quite emotional.


I like that phrasing..."digest". :happy:


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## alice35 (Mar 17, 2010)

When something external happens which is not in accordance with my values I need to sort it out internally. I isolate for a while and go through emotions step by step preferably, until I feel I am back to living in the moment again. (Se) It's kind of finding relief internally, also to find out where others are coming from and understand the situation. 
The downfall of Fi for me is that I can get stuck on why somebody else doesn't for example apologize or reflect leaving me sometimes bewildered.
I experience Fi as able to easily empathise and when Se is balancing me sufficiently I can just take things as they are and stay realistic without Fi going over the top.


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