# NT isolation anxiety



## Calvin (Jun 21, 2012)

I know NTs are rare, but being surrounded by SPs, NFs, and SJs is getting really old. If the conversation topic isn't about sports, politics, or gossip, people look at me like I'm an alien. Anytime I get speculative or philosophical, my friends make an indifferent remark in response, and try to change the subject to something more "interesting", like rainbows and butterflies. 

No one looks at any problem logically, instead, they talk in circles and tip-toe around the answer. It's incredibly frustrating. There's a FEW NTs that I've had the pleasure to know, but most of them live far away. Are there any other of you guys who are in this situation?


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## littleblackdress (Feb 24, 2013)

Are you in university? If not go! There are A LOT more NTs in university - and not just in the hard sciences. INTPs in particular are also over represented in language courses (oddly enough). Linguistics is also an NT heavy field. Anyway it can be a lonely life - but it doesn't have to be.


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## Calvin (Jun 21, 2012)

littleblackdress said:


> Are you in university? If not go! There are A LOT more NTs in university - and not just in the hard sciences. INTPs in particular are also over represented in language courses (oddly enough). Linguistics is also an NT heavy field. Anyway it can be a lonely life - but it doesn't have to be.


Oh yeah. I'm a college student and I have run across a few NT professors and students (ENTPs like yourself), and my personal favorite who was an ENTJ algebra tutor. Unfortunately, I have yet to get on a first name basis with any of them(except for the tutor). Wish there were more of us.....


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## TheHarbinger (May 7, 2013)

I can relate to you. I am the only NT in a family of feelers. I get overwhelmed a lot as virtually all my friends are feelers as well. It's rare that I'll meet another NT, but when I do they're usually ENTP's so we have conflicts or INTP's who are really into school.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

I'm not sure where to begin, really. My isolation anxiety stems from being unable to form bonds; it's quite simple to meet people and make pleasant conversation over a myriad of topics. yet it's far more difficult to transcend the acquaintance stage. This is also true for the women I've dated. I have this irrational fear of rejection, it's more of a confidence issue then an inability to converse. I do feel confident in my abilities to coax others into unknown conversational waters. I've had some wonderful conversations with NFs; we don't always get one another but the conversations we can into are quite amazing. 

People tiptoe because they don't want to express an unpopular, or offensive opinion. Or, their opinions defies social conventions. Maybe they'll start being more honest once they know you a little better. I'm also interested in many things: trends, fashion, literature or language. Of all the NT stereotypes, I'm not sure what to make of mathematics or science. I love the ideas, the concepts, the way physics can stretch your mind ...

I did notice that society is becoming increasingly isolated. People go to nightclubs, parties, etc. but they really don't do much. Maybe this isolation is true for most types.


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## Chaerephon (Apr 28, 2013)

Ehh, most of my friends and family are feeler or sensor. I deal with it. I get contact with NTs often enough. I have some friends and co-workers who fit the bill and discuss ideas. One was a drama major, so we get to philosophically discuss greek mythology.


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## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

I think the isolation comes from not being able to relate to many people. Maybe it's more of an ENTP thing, but it seems like nobody gets me and it's hard to see eye to eye with a ton of things. I can make an observation and a prediction and the only times people get it is when it finally materializes down the road. Even simple stuff like trying to explain what Stevia was 10 years ago and nobody got it. Nobody saw the potential in this and saw the status quo of using chemicals like aspartame as a no-calorie sweetener as the "solution." Now it's widespread and you can buy many things with it used as an all-natural sweetener. You always get the "well if it was a good idea, someone would have implemented it by now" BS.


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## littleblackdress (Feb 24, 2013)

Well, in the general population, NTs are about 10% of the general population... but that number is much higher in university. I would say that there are a lot more than you are seeing - especially if you are in a hard science field (I would say that NT could be as high as 50% in some fields (at least 20% overall once you cut out business majors...) - and the STs are more interesting in university as well... - they are more likely to have developed their N function or be in the process of developing it). So, then the question becomes meeting people and becoming close to them in general... That takes either developing your Fe OR using your other functions to compensate. Have you gone to things like philosophy night? Do you have strategies to meet people? I remember the undergrad club for my faculty being a great place to chat... each faculty had one, and I often hung out at the others when I was taking courses in that field. The language department clubs were particularly good, because people really just had to socialize and practice the languages. The people that hang out in the various faculty clubhouses were definitely more likely to be extreme T, if not NT, simply because they were so geeky for what they were studying... As for developing the F or using other functions to compensate. Honestly, I found being willing to explain my directness was the most helpful thing. People view explanations as creating intimacy.... oddly enough. Especially explanations of personal behaviour.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

University and college are wonderful, but, what is disappointing is life after school. The same people who were naturally curious, fascinating to talk to, adopted a persona of fitting into society. Only success matters, as does finding a mate and a mortgage. The same people who made excellent conversationalists sold all their books and began to tell me how to live my life. I guess everything depends on where you go and who you associate with. I was a music major: individual thought and creativity was frowned upon. I did enjoy the people in my elective literature class.

There's social pressure to downplay intelligence; just turn on the television set, read twitter or facebook. I only have two friends who post intelligent content: one's an ENFP, the other I'm not exactly sure on the second letter: IxTP. Everything depends on where you choose to hang out, I've had incredible connections with people who work at coffee houses, or retail; but, no connection whatsoever with the local art scene. I know people who work in fields beneath their intelligence; my city once ranked as the second worst economy in all of Canada -- writing someone off because they work in a grocery store, not cool. 

I'm the only extrovert in a family of introverts. Many of my friends are also introverts; most of their sagely advice was very hurtful and detremental to me. No one understood why their idea of rejuvenation turns me into a depressed cynical monster. I would just go out and try to find the finer human specimens regardless of type or where they work; and, I have met unbearable NTs in my life.


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## Calvin (Jun 21, 2012)

PowerShell said:


> I think the isolation comes from not being able to relate to many people. Maybe it's more of an ENTP thing, but it seems like nobody gets me and it's hard to see eye to eye with a ton of things. I can make an observation and a prediction and the only times people get it is when it finally materializes down the road. Even simple stuff like trying to explain what Stevia was 10 years ago and nobody got it. Nobody saw the potential in this and saw the status quo of using chemicals like aspartame as a no-calorie sweetener as the "solution." Now it's widespread and you can buy many things with it used as an all-natural sweetener. You always get the "well if it was a good idea, someone would have implemented it by now"


Don't worry, it's an INTP thing too. No one gets me either. When you combine that fact with my horrendously poor communication skills, life can get pretty lonely. What you're going through is very relatable.


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## Doc Dangerstein (Mar 8, 2013)

Communication is skill; and therefore can be deconstructed, analysed and therefore learned. We communicate ideas exceptionally well, we're excellent writers, excellent speaker and once we accept our vulnerabilities we're capable of being fluent and adapting the emotional language. I was King Awkward II, with regards to women I can be Prince Not-so-Charming VII -- I made many mistakes and still do, but, I learned many things too. 

I like mathematics as much as the next NT, but there's plenty of other things to be interested in. I really don't mind having a discussion on fashion, social trends, or the aesthetics behind atmospheric conditions. Yes, I did debate the weather with a granny some time ago. I had a blast; she was mademoiselle gloom and doom, I described the mist as a physical representation of the nature of my soul, a perfect mask for my chimeric thoughts. I often see mathematics as a descriptive language, and, something truly inspiring and poetic.

We do have a natural predisposition for reason, inquiry and the scientific experiment. Right?


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## WolfeGang (May 5, 2013)

I wouldn't describe my situation as one of "anxiety", but more so of loneliness. Loneliness not in the social sense, but more so with regards to similar mindedness. There are no similar minds in my vicinity, and to be honest I haven't made many strides to find any. It's a question of knowing where to look, and having the energy to so do. I seem to be lacking on these two fronts.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

I know a lot of SJs and SPs and we get along surprisingly well. Type doesn't always determine hobbies and interests. While I'm not interested in a lot of things they like, we have fundamental/core interests in each other as friends. 

My best friends (past and present) are ISTP, ISFJ, and ISFP. Type isn't everything. I have two NT friends and those are my go-to people for idea bouncing and silly banter.


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## Marisa (Apr 26, 2012)

I will say this much, though. In my experience, the ESFPs I've known were sheer hell to deal with. But that's anecdotal.


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## MissWendy (Jan 7, 2011)

Oh I think most of NT struggling the same problem, only a very few who's got lucky and surrounded by "people we would like to know"

It got me frustated +/- 2 yrs ago, right after I finished my MBA degree and get a dream job only to find bunch of non intelligent ppl running those place. But I learned to manage it, I find my strenght in others weakness. It really is sounds cruel but its not my fault if some ppl are just not tht intelligent. 

I learned how to use these situation and climb higher, climb faster. Yes I take a role of fitting into the society. But I always think whats the point of being superior if you cannot use if for your own advantage? I dont want to have a mind blowing conversation with fascinating ppl and go home riding a bus. I prefer dealing with some no brainer and riding my new car.

I still have those flame for magical world of theory and discussion and when I found those whom I can share it and passionately talk about it, it just feels sweeter. Only a few can relate to me and a very few who can understand me, but I manage to charm a lot of people especially those who matter.


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## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

Calvin said:


> Don't worry, it's an INTP thing too. No one gets me either. When you combine that fact with my horrendously poor communication skills, life can get pretty lonely. What you're going through is very relatable.


I can articulate well. The main problem is when I explain something, it seems like people don't have the brain power to process what I am saying in the depth that I am explaining it. Usually after the first sentence or two you get the glassed eye looked that you know you went over their head. I find using common analogies is the best way to explain things. I guess I've made it a habit of using analogies and it seems like people do get it a little more. The thing is, with most things, using an analogy only works so far and only explains things at a surface level.


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## Meltboy (May 14, 2013)

For me, this is due to not having friends who *want* to talk about deeper things (as well as most people not fully understanding).

The only people I know who are NT's are: My dad (INTJ most likely, possibly ISTJ), my old work mate (INTP) and my best friends boyfriend - also a good friend of mine (ENTP *< no. He's actually an ENFJ and seeing as I'm pretty much his twin personality, that makes it likely I am too. Looking into it before deciding*).
My dad rarely wants to talk to me about anything because he just wants to be alone 99% of the time. My INTP friend only talks to me on facebook and isn't keen to meet up. My ENTP mate is someone I ONLY get to see when I'm with my INFP best friend, which means we rarely get to talk about things were interested in without her stopping us.

When I'm interested in something I steer the conversation towards it regardless of whether they want to talk about it. I do this because I just *need* to get my thoughts out into the world and get unique perspectives.
Generally I can see whoever I've trapped really doesn't want to talk about it but I just don't care. I've done all the small talk I want to do with you and now it's time to talk about what ideas I came up with after learning about multiverse theory all of last night.


I tend to spend most my time at home which doesn't help.

The vast majority of my friends are introverts - probably because they talk about more interesting things in general.
The vast majority of my extrovert friends just want to get wasted and dance whenever they go out. I like to do this too but not every weekend. I'd prefer it if we could go out without drinking during the day and then on the night party it up!


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## RecklessInspirer (Oct 11, 2010)

Oh yeah, I know exactly how that is. Other than my infp sister, my entire extended family who I'm contact with are all SJ's and SP's. It would be nice to enjoy family affairs as much as they do, but its incredibly difficult to do when no one really connects with me.


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## The Alternate (Jan 14, 2013)

PowerShell said:


> I think the isolation comes from not being able to relate to many people. Maybe it's more of an ENTP thing, but it seems like nobody gets me and it's hard to see eye to eye with a ton of things. I can make an observation and a prediction and the only times people get it is when it finally materializes down the road. Even simple stuff like trying to explain what Stevia was 10 years ago and nobody got it. Nobody saw the potential in this and saw the status quo of using chemicals like aspartame as a no-calorie sweetener as the "solution." Now it's widespread and you can buy many things with it used as an all-natural sweetener. You always get the "well if it was a good idea, someone would have implemented it by now" BS.


Bureaucracy crap at it's finest! I heard something on Castle recently that totally crushes the _"well if it was a good idea, someone would have implemented it by now" BS. _It was something like "Large organizations are not that efficient."


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## PowerShell (Feb 3, 2013)

The Alternate said:


> Bureaucracy crap at it's finest! I heard something on Castle recently that totally crushes the _"well if it was a good idea, someone would have implemented it by now" BS. _It was something like "Large organizations are not that efficient."


Also someone had to step forward and invent the thing and bring it to the market. If everyone thought that if something was good enough, it would have been invented, nothing would have been invented. I tell people that eventually I think mining landfills will become profitable. They laugh at me. They can't see as our demand for resources increases and the scarcity of new resources increases, along with our historical wastefulness with the resources by just throwing them out, that eventually landfills will be a goldmine.


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