# SJs, teenagers and chores



## teddy564339 (Jun 23, 2010)

For a while on PerC I've noticed some threads in the three non-SJ forums (most often made by NPs, but sometimes SPs or NJs) that are posted by a teenager describing their frustrations with their parents making them do chores around the house. 

These posts are usually made in their own type's forum, and it's basically along the lines of "I'm so frustrated by my SJ parents making me do this. They care so much about it, and I don't. It doesn't matter to me, and I'm so sick of them having to do them just because my parents tell me to."


Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with them feeling that frustration. But here's what I want to find out: How much of this is related to type?


Because here's my thing...when I was a teenager, *I basically felt the same way.* My mom is ISTJ and my dad is ENTJ. 

Now, for the most part, my parents were pretty lax about me doing chores. I probably had to do fewer than the average teenager. My mom just wanted my room to not be too messy, and I just had to do a few basic things like taking out the trash (which I contributed to) and taking care of the pets. 


However, there were some times where I got really angry with my dad about doing chores. Often he would want me to help with a lot of his outside gardening projects. I used to get so angry about it because I thought it was stupid...I didn't enjoy it at all, and I didn't see the point of it...it just seemed like a hobby of his, not something that was necessary. I used to think thoughts like "Why do *I* have to do this? Sure, my dad's done a lot for me, but that's what he's *supposed* to do...I'm his kid. I shouldn't have to help out with his stupid gardening." This was especially true if it was a hot day and there was some heavy lifting involved.


Now, as an adult, I have quite a different perspective on the whole situation, which is my point: To me, it seems like these situations have more to do with a person being a teenager living under their parents' roofs than it does someone's type.

I guess it just seems to me like a frustrated NP teenager will sometimes think "Oh, I get it now! I'm an NP, my parents are SJs, and that's why I can't stand to do their stupid chores!" 


So I wanted to get an idea from SJs what their experiences were like as teenagers. Am I an exception to the situation...an SJ who got irritated by chores (which were probably much easier than the average teenager due to my parents' lax nature)? Or is it just true that all teenagers get irritated by this and it has little to nothing to do with type?






I will make this point: I do think type can *accentuate* the frustration someone feels about this. I think it's possible that SJs in general are more anal about chores and that NPs are more frustrated by them. But I also just get the sense that all parents get their kids to do chores and that SJ teenagers are irritated by it too. After all, I live pretty messily on my own now, despite being an SJ...my SJness doesn't make me a neat freak who has to have everything in place. I'm probably messier than most people I know, non-SJs included.


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## Nickel (Apr 7, 2010)

Interesting post! I really like these thoughts that break the SJ stereotypes. 

I didn't really complain about chores as a teen. In fact, I looked down on the kids who didn't have chores. I wonder if that's type related as well?


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## MCRTS (Jul 4, 2011)

teddy564339 said:


> For a while on PerC I've noticed some threads in the three non-SJ forums (most often made by NPs, but sometimes SPs or NJs) that are posted by a teenager describing their frustrations with their parents making them do chores around the house.
> 
> These posts are usually made in their own type's forum, and it's basically along the lines of "I'm so frustrated by my SJ parents making me do this. They care so much about it, and I don't. It doesn't matter to me, and I'm so sick of them having to do them just because my parents tell me to."
> 
> ...


I don't think this is related to type at all. 

I do wonder just how many of those "SJ parents" are truly SJs. It's possible that these teenagers mistype their parents as SJs, because their parents are behaving, well, as parents should. It's just unfortunate that SJs, on the surface, seem to have most of the traits of a parent. 

That's why kids should never try to guess their parents' type...the results will always be SJs.



> So I wanted to get an idea from SJs what their experiences were like as teenagers. Am I an exception to the situation...an SJ who got irritated by chores (which were probably much easier than the average teenager due to my parents' lax nature)? Or is it just true that all teenagers get irritated by this and it has little to nothing to do with type?


It's an ongoing war from the beginning of time that will never cease. No weapons needed, just a parent and a teenager.



> I will make this point: I do think type can *accentuate* the frustration someone feels about this. I think it's possible that SJs in general are more anal about chores and that NPs are more frustrated by them. But I also just get the sense that all parents get their kids to do chores and that SJ teenagers are irritated by it too. After all, I live pretty messily on my own now, despite being an SJ...my SJness doesn't make me a neat freak who has to have everything in place. I'm probably messier than most people I know, non-SJs included.


Very true. Anyone who enters my room would never in a million years guess than I'm an SJ. I should put up a WARNING: HAZARD ALERT sign on my door.


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## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

I'm an ESTJ and I hate chores. It's fucking boring. Who likes it anyway? Yet it is necessary.

My mom is ESFP and dad INTJ. Both of them worked, so children did the chores. But my ESFJ and INTJ brothers were always skipping their chores. Even if they did it, they do it in half-hearted way so their work were such a mess. My ENFP sister was too little at that time. So I ended up doing all chores: sweep and mop the floor, warm the food, neat the bed and clean the rooms, pull out trashes, do dishes, watering the plants, cut the grass, doing the laundry and ironing clothes, not to mention feeding and showering my younger siblings as well as helping them with their homework.

I hated the chores. I only did it out of empathy towards my parents.

My flat now is quite organized, but I won't call it clean and neat. It's been a month since the last time I mop the floor. I also often use the used cup to drink coffee every morning because I'm too lazy to wash it. XD


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## progBOT (May 4, 2011)

I didn't have too many chores but even the ones I did have (take care of pets, take out trash....that's about it) I didn't like to do. However, I knew that my parents worked hard for what little we had and that they didn't want to come home and do more work, so I never complained and was happy to help. On occasion, I would even do more chores just to make them happy, without their asking. This would be like cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the house. Most of my friends had more chores than me but we all had the same attitude. None of us complained and we all knew that life wasn't all fun: sometimes you have to do things you don't want to just because they need to be done. Note: I don't often "type" people, but I can tell you that most of my friends are not SJ's.


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## Seeker99 (Jan 13, 2010)

Absolutely, I totally agree. I can say with absolute certainty that SJ's are not immune to teen angst. 

And by the way, ~90% of people, no, your mum is not ESFJ. She's just being a mother.


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## MilkyWay132 (Jul 15, 2010)

I've got to admit, it's rediculous how the judger/perceiver dichtomy tends to be like: are you organized or messy? So yeah, thanks for the thread.


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## kittychris07 (Jun 15, 2010)

I didn't have that many chores to do as a child. All I had to do was get the newspaper, get the mail, and sometimes clean up my room. My mom is probably an ESFJ or ISFJ.


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## ThatUglyGirl (Jun 18, 2012)

I hated chores as a kid and would only do them to get allowance. Now, I don't spend too much time cleaning and tidying my apartment unless someone is coming over. My bedroom looks like a tornado hit it and never stays clean longer than a few days. Either I'm a weird SJ or that's just not related to type.


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## Holgrave (Oct 11, 2011)

I hated chores as a kid and still hate them now. If I can get out of vacuuming I'll do anything else though. I HATE vacuuming. I used to pay my sister to do it for me.


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## Kirsanov (Jul 30, 2012)

I do chores out of necessity, not because I like to do them. There are only select people out there, regardless of type, that like doing chores and cleaning. When I break a glass I clean it up, more out of responsibility and necessity than the "love" of sweeping bits of glass. It is probably safe to say that everyone who has done chores at one point or another disliked doing them.


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