# Sex is not a performance.



## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Sex is not a goddamn performance.


I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

I'm sure many would find that interesting when 'orgasms' seem so crucial to many of both gender.


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## blit (Dec 17, 2010)

_Pfffft. Semantics_
Performance /= Competition


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

Looks like two people didn't get it.

@ OP, I'm in agreement as well.


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## 7rr7s (Jun 6, 2011)

Well that got me in the mood. XD 

To me, sex is one long continous blur of ecstacy. I lose myself. I see only curves and flesh, only glistening contours and limbs. Everything fades out and dissipates, and it only is me and her. I fuck sensations into her. I fuck her so she will stay fucked. I put my self -my whole self into her, and I recieve her in turn. With her I want to transcend, to take her past her fantasies and desires. I want to taste her very soul...

To me sex is a gift that I give her, and she gives me. It is a way to join ourselves in a way that is vulnerable, passionate, and fiercely alive. It is mad, sensuous, and blissful. And that's how it should be.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Agreed.

And saved.


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## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

StElmosDream said:


> I'm sure many would find that interesting when 'orgasms' seem so crucial to many of both gender.


Evidently you aren't aware of people who say they can't just enjoy sex when they feel pressured to orgasm.


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## Paradox1987 (Oct 9, 2010)

I emphatically agree. That is brilliant!


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## Deus Absconditus (Feb 27, 2011)

So I'm a little confused, there are people that make a strategy for how they have sex? I've always just fucked without thinking twice about it, I just my mind and body do all the crazy, it's not pre-planned, just the animal in me taking over.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

Michaeldh0589 said:


> So I'm a little confused, there are people that make a strategy for how they have sex? I've always just fucked without thinking twice about it, I just my mind and body do all the crazy, it's not pre-planned, just the animal in me taking over.


It's not that they make a strategy, but pornography, erotica, and the media dictates to us indirectly how we should have sex, what should be pleasurable to us, what shouldn't be, what is considered ridiculous, what would be embarrassing - what's considered a good performance, and what's considered a bad one. The ratings are impersonal. What about what works for me and him? I think what this article is saying, is that it should count more than everyone's idea of what good sex should be. 

There is no _good _sex in general. There's no single definition that applies to everyone.


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## Keli (Jan 12, 2012)

I very much agree! ^.^ 

@*Michaeldh0589 I'm guessing that people do that are insecure about sex or just way over-think it? I wouldn't know, though. Never have been in or around those pair of shoes before.

Edit: I think **kaleidoscope has nailed that on the head quite well. xD*


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## blit (Dec 17, 2010)

android654 said:


> Looks like two people didn't get it.
> 
> @ OP, I'm in agreement as well.


It's still a performance. _Drinking water_ is a performance, albeit an uninteresting one. They're both focused on needs, not competition.


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## Jetsune Lobos (Apr 23, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> Sex is not a goddamn performance.
> 
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree.


That was a nice piece of writing.

Society and porn tend to litter our perception on exactly what sex is. 

Sex to me, in its purest form (not primal, I'm talking in the context of intelligent creatures, not animals) is the medium in which two people can express their love and being to one another in a way that words cannot.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

kaleidoscope said:


> Sex is not a goddamn performance.
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree.


I don't agree with it, at least not completely. what if, for instance, your partner likes something that is less natural for you? for instance, let's say your girlfriend likes anal sex but you're not so into it. personally, if my partner likes something that I'm not that into, I'm willing to put on a bit of a performance/fake it a bit in order to please them. thus, while I think natural is better for the majority of the experience, as long as I get adequately pleasured myself, I'm willing to do things for my partner that wouldn't necessarily turn me on, and if I need to fake it/put on a performance occasionally to do so, that's fine with me.
PS: that said, I am not a fan of meticulously planned out/schedules sex. that is a turn off for me


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## Kore (Aug 10, 2012)

Master Mind said:


> Evidently you aren't aware of people who say they can't just enjoy sex when they feel pressured to orgasm.


My. Entire. Sex. Life.

Are you going to cum yet? "................................................................................:frustrating:"


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

airotciV said:


> My. Entire. Sex. Life.
> 
> Are you going to cum yet? "................................................................................:frustrating:"


When it comes to sex, I'm really glad I'm not a woman. I must've been about 13 when I first heard that some women never get to orgasm during sex. I used to think, "what the fuck are they doing wrong?"


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## Kore (Aug 10, 2012)

android654 said:


> When it comes to sex, I'm really glad I'm not a woman. I must've been about 13 when I first heard that some women never get to orgasm during sex. I used to think, "what the fuck are they doing wrong?"


Yes, I resented men for being able to cum so readily. I remember thinking "When I'm alone I don't take long." but when I was with someone else, it became this feeling of dread, I thought something was wrong with me. Eventually, I just put on a mask of "I don't like to cum, I just want you to! :wink:" Then later I would finish myself off very quietly. 

Wow, that's depressing.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

airotciV said:


> Yes, I resented men for being able to cum so readily. I remember thinking "When I'm alone I don't take long." but when I was with someone else, it became this feeling of dread, I thought something was wrong with me. Eventually, I just put on a mask of "I don't like to cum, I just want you to! :wink:" Then later I would finish myself off very quietly.
> 
> Wow, that's depressing.


I had an ex who would get impatient at me not cumming after five minutes of foreplay. Literally, five minutes. He actually called me _frigid _because of that, in a jokey way. :dry:

Needless to say, it has resulted in this huge ass complex of "I need to cum quickly or else something's wrong with me" - which I'm still trying to shake off.


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## Kore (Aug 10, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> I had an ex who would get impatient at me not cumming after five minutes of foreplay. Literally, five minutes. He actually called me _frigid _because of that, in a jokey way. :dry:
> 
> Needless to say, it has resulted in this huge ass complex of "I need to cum quickly or else something's wrong with me" - which I'm still trying to shake off.


Wow, this would be a hug moment, definitely. I haven't shaken it off either but maybe we'll find someone that will slow us down and touch everything except the subject of cumming. I have hope for you and for me!


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## android654 (Jan 19, 2010)

airotciV said:


> Yes, I resented men for being able to cum so readily. I remember thinking "When I'm alone I don't take long." but when I was with someone else, it became this feeling of dread, I thought something was wrong with me. Eventually, I just put on a mask of "I don't like to cum, I just want you to! :wink:" Then later I would finish myself off very quietly.
> 
> Wow, that's depressing.


Yeah, that's a little sad. Hopefully you get that squared away sooner rather than later. It's really unfair, but men really have it a lot easier when it comes to that. I can't imagine what it would be like if it didn't work like it's supposed to. I think I'd lose my mind.


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## LostFavor (Aug 18, 2011)

> Sex is not a performance.


Well that would explain why I've managed to go my whole life so far without sex.

I'm too much of a performer...! Ba-dum tsh.

I'll be here all night.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

"When sex becomes a production or performance, that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partner's body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goosebumps and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other." —Corissa Marie


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## Crimson Ash (May 16, 2012)

kaleidoscope said:


> "When sex becomes a production or performance, that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partner's body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goosebumps and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other." —Corissa Marie



If only everyone took the time to understand this.


It is a production when the two people who engage in it only are working for their singular biological goal of getting off. As opposed to collectively working towards mutual happiness and enjoyment.

Funnily enough though it is technically a performance. A performance of ones undying love and devotion to the partner you are with. One that should have no limits or restrictions and has no fail state.

A collective experience than only gets better the greater the amount of performances take place.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

wait really ? obviously you haven't been in my bed, ha !!.....yeah yeah I cant the jest of the deeper aspect of what you are presenting, watching two people get jiggy with it without any inhibitions is quite the performance in and of itself. do what feels good and forget the rest is my motto.


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## Spiren (May 12, 2016)

Generally yes, I agree with the article. It should be noted there are objective measures such as the emphasis on foreplay and reaching climax. It would be denying the obvious to deny that there is some expectation before engaging in sex.

I like going with the moment, I also like role-play and experimenting - both are all about discovering more to sex beyond what we feel in that moment.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

sex is not a performance and all... but i'm still the best at it


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## OutsideLookingIn391 (Mar 10, 2017)

Well tell yourself that when you turn 60.....


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

I like this statement as a focal point of sex, to share something with someone. 


> I'm just a person who likes a person and wants to share something with them. It's as simple as that. You're not here to impress me; you're not here to give a performance. You're here because you want to be, and if you aren't comfortable, then we can stop.


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## islandlight (Aug 13, 2013)

Sex can be a performance. Or not. Some sex partners really are good at pleasing me, and I appreciate that they care enough to figure out what I like and then do it. Others are just there with me, doing what comes naturally, and that's great too, even if it isn't "great sex." 

But some lovers are paint-by-the number: Put hand on leg because that's what you're supposed to do. Others ask if I like this or that; I dunno, do it and we'll see. Others have a set routine of positions or whatever. All of these types are ugh.

I remember when sex was sex and it was great. Now, as indicated in some of the posts, there seems to be a trend toward specifics--fantasies, toys, techniques, body parts, etc. No thanks! But even in the good old days I never saw the appeal of soft music, candles, etc. I always figured "romance" was for people who didn't like sex. Now I wonder about people who need to be spanked or wear a costume.


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## Fiel (Mar 23, 2010)

I was thinking recently that some amazing sex could probably be had if both people focused on doing things that brings them the most pleasure as opposed to trying to figure out what their partner might like and doing that (especially if you've recently met). Now, someone to test that theory with...


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## pwowq (Aug 7, 2016)

Wellsy said:


> I like this statement as a focal point of sex, to share something with someone.
> 
> "I'm just a person who ... wants to share...


_... my dick with you. You don't have to say "yes", just say "NO!""_



I'm so dramatic.


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