# Inexperienced women Turn on or turn off?



## brittneyblr (Mar 31, 2010)

Ok so I have had three partners, all in serious committed relationships and i consider myself sexually inexperienced. I know that sound weird but my partners weren't exactly experimental and its one thing to know how to please a specific person and a whole other to feel like you know what the hell your doing in general. I'm not sure if I'm being clear or if anyone can relate. But my question is do men in general find it tiresome/irritating or a turn off to have a girlfriend who is a little unsure or inexperienced in the sack? Not that they aren't willing to learn but do you feel weird teaching? Etc. I am genuinely interested in your true opinions.


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## baent (Nov 18, 2009)

Well I gererally like girls with HUGE vaginas, so I definitely prefer the more "experienced" women.

lol. Well I'm not a fan of training my womens. I'll definitely show them that a higher power does indeed exist, but if that intimidates her and she continues to be unsure of herself and/or unwilling to just "jump right in there and figure it out," then I get bored rather quickly.

I'm sure it depends on how your bf views sex. Personally, my whole goal in the sack is to bring my woman to another level of consciousness. As her enjoyment increases, mine increases. From my (not inconsiderable) experience, the worst lays were the ones who were more worried if I was enjoying it than enjoying it themselves. In other words, they were in their head wondering/worrying what they should be doing something specific to/for me instead of going with the flow, being with the moment instead of their thoughts, and really getting into enjoying themselves

Here's my advise: Work out what it is you really like. Masturbate furiously if you have to. Knowing what kind of touch does it for YOU will help you immensely. Then, when you're having sex, first priority is to find a position/motion that hits all of your right spots. THEN, AFTER you've found your spot, observe your boy and find something within that position/motion that he responds to. It should really only take subtle adjustments (if any) to what really works for you to please him. 

And get into it. You gotta let yourself go. Don't be a stiff. Hope that helps.


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

Experience requirements for me would be that you've had sex, and enjoy it. I'm not interested in virgins nor "get this over with" kind of partners. Being engaged and interested are really all you need. Experimentation works, as well, but ultimately a partnership will run out of moves anyway, so it becomes more necessary to actually like each other when that happens.



> And get into it. You gotta let yourself go. Don't be a stiff. Hope that helps.


True enough.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

I've never had sex myself, so I wouldn't know, but it might be good to have sex with someone whose level of experience was similar to mine. I think if I was more experienced I probably wouldn't mind too much, probably because she would be likely to have an higher sex drive than me anyway.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

Like GTbean more or less pointed out. If you're not into it then you will be considered a 'starfish'. Even if you are still in the starfish position (spread out not moving) yet enjoying it then you'll be fine. Is sex hard? From a female point of view we more or less just lay back and that's it! All that makes the difference between good and bad is whether you show you are enjoying it or not imo! Of course without faking it (if pos)!! ^_^
But pppfftttt who am I to talk lol! >_> *can still count on one hand* o_0


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Shannonline said:


> From a female point of view we more or less just lay back and that's it!


Isn't that just one position of having sex? It would be pretty boring if every time a couple had sex they just did it like that, and variety is good for relationships.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

skycloud86 said:


> Isn't that just one position of having sex? It would be pretty boring if every time a couple had sex they just did it like that, and variety is good for relationships.


I guess it could refer to the give and receive concept.
But yeah if we're talking inexperience it's best to keep it simple? For now?
It's always good to perfect that primary position before anything else me thinks ^_^


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

There really is no primary position. The reason to move around to begin with is to find where you're "feeling it". That's the exploration part that separates interest in sex from going through the motions.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

wealldie said:


> There really is no primary position. The reason to move around to begin with is to find where you're "feeling it". That's the exploration part that separates interest in sex from going through the motions.


Sorry but I think 90% of the world would disagree with that. It's pretty common knowledge that the missionary position is like THE primary position. :S


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

Shannonline said:


> Sorry but I think 90% of the world would disagree with that. It's pretty common knowledge that the missionary position is like THE primary position. :S


I think you're going to have to back that up with data, and also explain why it's so important to you that there is a "THE primary position".


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

Shannonline said:


> It's always good to perfect that primary position before anything else me thinks ^_^


That's probably a good idea, as it's basic although I don't see anything wrong with the woman being on top if she feels like it.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

wealldie said:


> I think you're going to have to back that up with data, and also explain why it's so important to you that there is a "THE primary position".


Are you for real? You're not like 12 years old are you? No offence if you're not....eerrrrrrrr..
Missionary position - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

Shannonline said:


> Are you for real? You're not like 12 years old are you? No offence if you're not....eerrrrrrrr..


Oh, thanks. A wikipedia article.

In any case, yes, please explain why it's so important to define "THE" position? It's certainly never been "the" position for me nor my partners, so have wikipedia explain the importance of this. Did a bunch of white people from a Victorian background decide this? Seriously, the argument is ridiculous.


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## skycloud86 (Jul 15, 2009)

wealldie said:


> Oh, thanks. A wikipedia article.
> 
> In any case, yes, please explain why it's so important to define "THE" position? It's certainly never been "the" position for me nor my partners, so have wikipedia explain the importance of this. Did a bunch of white people from a Victorian background decide this? Seriously, the argument is ridiculous.


I think for Western society it is the most important and most common position because of certain influences and religious beliefs.


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

skycloud86 said:


> I think for Western society it is the most important and most common position because of certain influences and religious beliefs.


I am not against the position. I am on the side of "whatever works". I am wholly against someone suggesting that there's a way to learn sex that begins with "THE primary position". The way to learn sex is to invest in both partners' interests, and locate them.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

wealldie said:


> Oh, thanks. A wikipedia article.
> 
> In any case, yes, please explain why it's so important to define "THE" position? It's certainly never been "the" position for me nor my partners, so have wikipedia explain the importance of this. Did a bunch of white people from a Victorian background decide this? Seriously, the argument is ridiculous.


Who ever said it was an argument? Any way I'm really sorry that you are so wild and different that you have never understood the basic idea of the missionary position. But seriously it doesn't take a genius to figure out that a rather large portion of... oh sorry us common folk consider it to be the 'main' sexual position.
Maybe I haven't watched enough porn, I'm not sure what the standard 'porn' position is, what over a desk or something :S IS that the 'take it bitch' position.. good luck with that.
Ok now it's an argument.


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

Shannonline said:


> Maybe I haven't watched enough porn, I'm not sure what the standard 'porn' position is, what over a desk or something :S IS that the 'take it bitch' position.. good luck with that.
> Ok now it's an argument.


Yes, it's what I suspected. It comes down to being perverted if your (limited, by your own admission) world-view is questioned. You still haven't explained why this is so important to you. I can guess, but I'd love to hear it from the horse's keyboard.


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## Hiccups24-7 (Oct 17, 2009)

wealldie said:


> ..I am wholly against someone suggesting that there's a way to learn sex that begins with "THE primary position". The way to learn sex is to invest in both partners' interests, and locate them.


Yes because that is exactly what I was implying. *moron detector explodes*. wwwwwwhhaaaaaaaaa!!! *stands back*.

------------------------------------------
What makes you think it's so important to me? That's YOU putting words in my mouth.
lol yes and picking up on my pisstakes and using that against me instead of having a real base response for your 'argument' is just so amazingly awesome. So how would you like me to respond to that..... other than with a bunch of lol's and haha's.


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## wealldie (Jan 24, 2010)

Thank you. You have exceeded my expectations.


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## Outcode (Nov 28, 2009)

skycloud86 said:


> I've never had sex myself, so I wouldn't know, but it might be good to have sex with someone whose level of experience was similar to mine. I think if I was more experienced I probably wouldn't mind too much, probably because she would be likely to have an higher sex drive than me anyway.


^Agreed

Although, I tend to lean more towards the inexperienced.


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## Goodewitch (Mar 4, 2010)

GTBean said:


> Well I gererally like girls with HUGE vaginas, so I definitely prefer the more "experienced" women.
> 
> lol. Well I'm not a fan of training my womens. I'll definitely show them that a higher power does indeed exist, but if that intimidates her and she continues to be unsure of herself and/or unwilling to just "jump right in there and figure it out," then I get bored rather quickly.
> 
> ...


What makes me smile about this post, is that it is in a way, a self fulfilling prophecy. if a woman is inexperienced, she IS going to be unsure, maybe even self conscious, a little embarrassed, and will not want to assume the latest degrading porn position stright away. By saying that yu would get bored if she didnt like loosen up straight away.. you have now theoretically increased an inexperienced womans anxiety, with your insensitive and harsh expectations, to a point where shes probably so anxious and resentful of your obnoxious ways that she would NEVER want to have sex with you.You may have lost a great oppotunity with a great woman bu being an impatient ass.
But cest la Vie, you are best off with a slutty type with a huge vagina an no inhibitions whatsoever, as you seem to think sex is nothing more than a sleasefest kinked porn shoot.
maybe when you grow up a little, YOU might be a good lover, right now, all you are is an experimental technician.

In general, for the OP,.. there are men who are just happy that you're enjoying yourself and are in the moment with them, they dont expect you to know, or do God knows what. these are the men you should be comfy with and looking for.
The self styled 'experts' who talk about new levels of experience' blah blah blah., are usually kinkters, who enjoy experimental, BDSM themed types of sex, which ae usually quite impersonal, and are nothing to do with wholistic loving sex. these people are in a league of their own.. and in my opinion, are best left to 'play' together.
Inexperience should not matter to a man who wants a woman for more than a peice of meat to fling around.. 
G. x
G. x


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## baent (Nov 18, 2009)

Goodewitch said:


> What makes me smile about this post, is that it is in a way, a self fulfilling prophecy. if a woman is inexperienced, she IS going to be unsure, maybe even self conscious, a little embarrassed, and will not want to assume the latest degrading porn position stright away. By saying that yu would get bored if she didnt like loosen up straight away.. you have now theoretically increased an inexperienced womans anxiety, with your insensitive and harsh expectations, to a point where shes probably so anxious and resentful of your obnoxious ways that she would NEVER want to have sex with you.You may have lost a great oppotunity with a great woman bu being an impatient ass.
> But cest la Vie, you are best off with a slutty type with a huge vagina an no inhibitions whatsoever, as you seem to think sex is nothing more than a sleasefest kinked porn shoot.
> maybe when you grow up a little, YOU might be a good lover, right now, all you are is an experimental technician.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the snap judgments. But I'm not a kinkster, and since the third girl I've been with, every one, including the few I was bored by, insist that I'm the most sensual and best lover they've had. My current girlfriend has had much less experience than I, and she is by far the best lover I've ever had. Because she knows what she likes, gets into it, and lets herself go.

You are right to a point about impatience, as I do have a considerable amount... but not in the bedroom. What I want is confidence. I don't like girls without confidence, which only proliferates the problem with people who already lack it.

No matter how many times you've done something, there's always someone out there that can make you feel like you've never done it before. Attacking it with an open mind and confidence in a positive outcome makes all the difference in the world.


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## Blackbird (Jan 14, 2010)

Goodewitch said:


> The self styled 'experts' who talk about new levels of experience' blah blah blah., are usually kinkters, who enjoy experimental, BDSM themed types of sex, which ae usually quite impersonal, and are nothing to do with wholistic loving sex. these people are in a league of their own.. and in my opinion, are best left to 'play' together.
> Inexperience should not matter to a man who wants a woman for more than a peice of meat to fling around..


I didn't actually think the original comment was harsh or derogatory here - in fact, I think he gave great advice. 

I used to be one of those ladies who could never have an orgasm while a partner was present, and the one thing that finally changed things was learning to shut off my mind. I had to stop worrying about what he was thinking, stop worrying about whether or not he was enjoying it (usually it's pretty obvious and requires no analysis anyway), and just feel. Stay in the moment. The OP doesn't have to have sex with a guy whose standards are so high, but regardless, I think GTBean gave great advice here, so she can make sure to enjoy sex with the people she does choose. (I'd advise to find a patient guy - they're out there!)

What really spurred me to reply, though, is the section of your comment I quoted. "Kinkters?" 

Any kind of sex can be as personal or impersonal as the participants make it. It's all about intention. Missionary position can be sterile and debasing if the people involved don't know how to connect with each other, or have a hard time with intimacy. A guy might be using a woman purely for his own pleasure and still stick to missionary position. He would be focused on himself, and not respectful of the woman, and that will come through no matter what kind of sex is going on. That said, love and respect shows through in any activity - whether it's a hug, the missionary position, or yes, BDSM. Kinky sex can be incredibly intimate and personal if that's the intention of the sex for the people involved.

I'm actually really offended that you would just assume it has nothing to do with love. It's fine if you never want to try any of that - it isn't for everyone, just like country music. But personally, when I love someone enough to want to be intimate with them, I want us to try new things together. Just like I want to drag them all over town and show them interesting shops and restaurants and pretty scenery, I find myself wanting to explore our sexuality together, and maybe have an experience we've never had before. It has everything to do with loving, for me.

It's true that some kinky people don't want intimate sex, and I do agree that they should have sex with other kinky people who don't want intimate sex. That's matching your intentions with another. That's being fair, and smart. But even people who are more detached during sex can still be respectful of their partner. And as I mentioned before, kinky sex can be very personal. I think you're being judgmental.

Oops. I accidentally a whole novel.


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## brittneyblr (Mar 31, 2010)

Wow i guess i kinda started something here but most of the reply have really helped. Its not like I haven't experienced different thing sexually its that I've only experienced them with three men. I guess it is just a confidence thing and i love what Goodewitch had to say about men who are just happy that you're enjoying yourself and are in the moment with them. Thank you guys for all your reply's. I guess sometimes I'm just focused on him and whats frustrating to me is for me to ask what would you like me to do and get a whatever response or does this feel good and only get yeah. Some times i want a little direction you know its like I am obviously built differently than you I don't have the same equipment and I sure as hell know how mine works and what feels good but i hate playing the guessing game to find out what feels good for you.I'm sure it could just be the men I've been with, maybe they aren't exactly confident themselves, but i would like some one to tell me what they want or even be willing to guide me. I guess thats what i was trying to get at would that be something that a guy would feel weird with?


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## Blackbird (Jan 14, 2010)

brittneyblr said:


> I'm sure it could just be the men I've been with, maybe they aren't exactly confident themselves, but i would like some one to tell me what they want or even be willing to guide me. I guess thats what i was trying to get at would that be something that a guy would feel weird with?


Yeah, I think it just depends on the guy. You can certainly ask them to show you what they like, but different guys might a bit shy responding. What's worked for me is instead of anxiously asking, "So, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, think you could uh, show me what you want?" is, in the moment, saying, "Show me what you like. What do you want?" Some guys will be shy with this, others will be totally turned on and love it. 

Can't hurt to try.


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