# Thoughts about my family - PART 2: My Father



## decided (May 17, 2009)

I have been thinking about my family. My place in it, the way it works, and the things that I remember about growing up surrounded by these people. I decided to write down and type up my memories and thoughts, and post it all here.

Please be aware that this is all very very very personal to me, and it is all my own personal perspective, so please be gentle if you decide to comment.

*My Father*
My father is Maori, and as such grew up in a very different culture to my mother. He was the youngest of six children, and had very close contact with his grandparents, aunts and uncles. He feels very close ties to the land that his people came from, and to the sea and foreshore. He is generous almost to a fault, especially where his extended family is concerned. He is interested in Maori history, and speaks a little bit of Maori. My mother was the boss of our household when I grew up, so I was never really exposed to any of my Maori heritage. Our household was very ‘white’ apart from our skin colour and some of the foods that my father would eat.

I didn’t spend much time with my father when I was young, but my interactions with him were always nice. He is a quiet man, and not very involved, but I think he always loved me. He had nicknames for all of us. My brother was always ‘boy’, and my sister was always ‘tutu’. (Tutu is said “took-too” without the k. It means ‘to play or fiddle with something’.) I was always (and still am) called ‘Baby’. I used to swim a lot as a child, and all through Summer he would call me his ‘water baby’. I suspect that I have always been his favourite child.

He had a lot of friends, and hobbies that kept him away from the house a lot. He played basketball, had motorcycles, and part-owned a fishing boat. The rest of the family wasn’t involved in any of this stuff, but I remember that he would win awards for his fishing talents, and the house would be full with all the stuff he caught. There’d be huge fish heads in the fridge, which he’d boil up into soup (super stinky!), and he’d smoke fish in the backyard, and he’d have a bucket full of kina. I liked smoked fish, and I loved it when he brought crayfish home. I didn’t like the rest, nor any of the shellfish that he brought home. We often ate different meals to my father. I remember going fishing with him once as a child. It was the single most boring experience of my life, but I remember it fondly now. I must have been about 8 or 9.

He is diabetic, and my mother would complain that he didn’t take care of himself. I remember him having health issues throughout the years, but I was never sure what was going on. It was never discussed with the kids. Apparently he was in hospital for several weeks a couple of years ago, and he nearly died. I only found out because my mum complained about having to look after his dog during that time.

My dad is too sick to work now, and is very poor. He saved up for weeks to pay for flights and accommodation in Christchurch for my wedding, which I had to organise in a hurry. He really enjoyed his short stay here, absolutely loved the wedding, and liked going out for pancake breakfast at a friend’s house. He is quiet, but he is observant and kind. He was pleased to meet my partner’s parents and siblings, and seemed very happy that I had a nice social group. I have talked to him twice since the wedding – Christmas/New Years, and my birthday.

One cool memory about my dad is from my wedding day, when he was chatting with my partner's parents. They love to tell stories about their kids from when they were children, and they were doing just that about my partner while my parents listened. Then my father told a story about me! He said that there were times where I would tell him I wanted to do something. He would say “Okay…” thinking that it was quite a difficult thing to do, and I might not be able to do it. But before he knew it, I’d be off and doing it. So, apparently I always impressed him by just doing whatever it was that I’d set my mind to. I'd never known that before my wedding day. It was a really nice thing to learn.


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