# How would each type kill you?



## Raawx (Oct 9, 2013)

Yes, this does perpetuate stereotypes. Post your own for funsies.

*ENTJ* - Mentally torture you through a system of elaborate puzzles until you finally lose the will to live. Then they'll have their servant kill you.
*INTJ* - Devise a detailed and precise plan with which to follow through. It wont be difficult for them to kill you, nor would they care much.
*ENTP* - Start off by torturing you, then pretend to be your friend, then kill you when they eventually tire of you.
*INTP* - Ignore you until you die of apathy. Once you're dead, they'll analyze your corpse for funsies.

*ENFJ* - Rally a squadron of followers to club you death.
*INFJ* - Write a book detailing specifically how you'll commit suicide. You don't know how, but somehow you end up doing it. The book gets published and becomes a national best seller. Yaay.
*ENFP* - Convince you to join their program helping to build kids schools in South Sudan. You'd die in an "unplanned" school shooting.
*INFP* - Write you a poem that rationalized your suicide. You would kill yourself.

*ESTJ* - They would shoot you. Simple.
*ISTJ* - Bore you to death by reading you a manual. At least they'll enjoy it.
*ESTP* - Challenge you to an old-fashioned duel, and destroy you.
*ISTP* - Go into your house and create a Rube-Goldberg machine that ends in your death. You're doomed the moment you open the door.

*ESFJ* - Convincingly demand you to kill yourself. You'd do it out of fear and respect.
*ISFJ* - Bake you a cake laced with cyanide and other poisons. Unfortunately, it would be delicious too.
*ESFP* - Ask you on a trip to visit the Grand Canyon with them. When the moment is right, they would shove you, watching you fall dramatically to your death. 
*ISFP* - Poison your drink in a burst of emotional distress somehow expecting you not to drink it and being surprised when you do. 

Also, how would *you* conduct a murder? (Try to align it with your type and cognitive process)


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## I Kant (Jan 19, 2013)

*entj* - order you to kill yourself, like a sacrificial pawn in a larger plan.
*intj* - abuse supply and demand so the market eats you alive.
*entp* - laser cannon air ship tank crewed by monkeys.
*intp* - writes a book about how logically you must be dead.

*enfj* - convinces a band of white knights that you were a women basher. They save time on the trial to determine innocence and just kill you.
*infj* - guilt trips you to death.
*enfp* - starts a religion or culture where you are Satan. Crusaders finish you off.
*infp* - kills you using the power of friendship.

*estj* - convinces you that to become a citizen you need national service. You die in a war.
*istj* - you broke the law, and rotted to death in jail.
*estp* - borrows your parachute without replacing it with a new one.
*istp* - shoots you after watching too many westerns.

*esfj* - kills you with hospitality and meeting social roles.
*isfj* - is ordered to kill you by a leader.
*esfp* - convinces you that using a trolley to get down a hill while drunk will be fun. You die.
*isfp* - convinces you that being an emo is cool. You bleed out.


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## lunai (Feb 22, 2014)

ENTJ - Hires you at their large company, and makes you work so many hours, you die.
INTJ - Abducts you and uses you in their lethal scientific experiment in their secret laboratory. 
ENTP - Creates a convincing ven diagram of why you should kill yourself.
INTP - Makes you question whether you really exist or not and become suicidal.
ENFJ - Holds a PTA meeting and convinces everyone to burn your house down while you're inside.
INFJ - Psychologically analyzes all of your weaknesses with such insight that induces you to kill yourself.
ISFP - Kills you in an artistic way and then uses your eyeballs to make jewelry.
INFP - Tells a crowd of PETA members that you kicked a puppy. Gives them your name and address.
ISTP - Creates a complex trap that catches you while you least suspect it.

That's all I can think of atm.


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## Cosmic Hobo (Feb 7, 2013)

*ENTP*: with a Heath-Robinson contraption, involving a cobra, a staple gun, a broken-down gramophone, and a large bottle of cognac, or with a lethal use of applied chemistry (bright green hedgehogs, strychnine in vegetable marrows, statues that bludgeon people to death; substituting poison for chemicals to dissolve stomach lining and make it look like victim died of gastritis).

* INTP*: argues compellingly why your existence is impossible, and why you are a paradox, due to Schtaussenweiglitz's theory of temporal physico-mechanics, von Urbleitz's philosophy of anti-essentialism. You disappear in a puff of logic. The universe may or may not blow up in the process.

*ENTJ*: orders execution - no hard feelings, simply the logical elimination of unnecessary and, in fact, dangerous matter. Next!

*INTJ*: an elaborate plan that makes it look as though you staged your own death and then went around killing other people, or lays a careful plan (involving no fewer than five logical but false solutions, for the detective to see through) to incriminate someone else - your death may simply be the sacrifice of a pawn



*ENFP*: Ahi, la vendetta! Muori, scellerato, indegno e maledetto, vil bastardo, condannato dal cielo e dall'uomo! Questo è il bacio di Tosca! (_STAB STAB STAB_ STABBETY STAB) Avanti a lui tremava tutta la Roma! (_Lights candles, and arranges them around corpse. Then throws herself down on body, overcome by remorse, and discovery that she really loved you. __Waits until the crowd bursts in, and then dramatically stabs herself, throws herself off a cliff, or jumps into a bonfire.)_

*INFP*: reads long poems and philosophical tracts about the meaninglessness of life, how miserable they are, and how nobody understands them. Overcome by the realisation that you are cosmically insignificant, that life is a horror, and that all is grim despair, you cut your wrists in sympathy.

*ENFJ*: persuades followers that you (and your group) are a danger to society, that you are the embodiment of immorality, and that, for the good of all, you must be killed. Above all: Deus vult!

*INFJ*: all is maya and samsara, you must get rid of the illusion of self - permanently. Go to the top of a mountain, taking no clothes or food, and meditate until you become one with the all.


*ESTP*: Takes you on a Tough Mudder course, through barbed wire and mud, while shouting at you, impugning your heredity and virility.

*ISTP*: with a bomb or a gun or by breaking your neck. This is FUN!

*ESFP*: Drinking competition (five bottles of vodka!), non-stop partying, and a mass orgy - on the same evening.

*ISFP*: what she really wants is your love, but you've rejected her. Nothing else matters. Goes mad, but _beautifully _- and flounces around the place, spattered in your blood, while trilling like a nightingale. May snog your severed head.


*ESTJ*: Holds a trial, determines your guilt by due process of law, takes you from hence to a place of execution, and hangs you by the neck until you're dead.

*ISTJ*: Shoots you because you're making too much noise in a cinema. Misunderstood the line ("Guns don't kill people, people kill people") as an instruction.

*ESFJ*: Through social ostracism.

*ISFJ*: doesn't kill you; instead, dies FOR you (ideally, by going up to heaven and interceding with God on your behalf, or jumping off a cliff to prove her devotion). You may then die of remorse - but don't worry: your soul has been saved. Hurrah!


Here are a few of the murder methods I've devised:

1.) Drive victim to suicide by convincing him that he is becoming a vampire, or is demonically possessed.
2.) Frame victim (A) for the murder of his enemy (B). Plant evidence against him (his weapon, his footprints leading to corpse, strong motive). Convince his father (a local ruler, obsessed with the idea of absolute justice) that A is guilty; father then condemns son.
3.) Remote controlled device (e.g., tin cans attached to trigger of rifle - as water pours out of cans, weight pulls down on trigger, causing gun to fire). Be elsewhere at the time.
4.) The victim is an agoraphobic dwarf. Drug him, carry his body out in a drinks trolley, and drive him to an open field or the top of a mountain. He will then die of terror.
5.) Drive victim mad with hyoscine (or similar drug).
6.) Arsenious oxide + zinc (in wallpaper) creates arsine gas.
7.) Convince victim that poisonous mushrooms are harmless.
8.) Curare in glass eye (needle hidden in eye - as you twist the eye while attemping to insert it, the needle springs out and injects curare into your eyeball).
9.) Murder by aeroplane. Victim seems to have been shot after plane landed - really shot while plane circling house - victim standing on balcony. Bullet fired from above. Shot not heard because fired from outside. Murderer's accomplice then closes & locks doors from within, to give murderer a cast-iron alibi.
10.) Victim apparently stabbed to death in locked bathroom. Reality: shards of ice in shower.
11.) Clock on desk smashed - detectives think clock set back to frame somebody. Clock stopped at time X known to be with the victim. Suspicion falls on X. X has cast-iron alibi (e.g., at night club) for rest of period AFTER. Evidence suggests that the victim was alive AFTER X left him, or that crime was committed afterwards. At any rate, X is cleared. X is, of course, guilty.

And here's my most elaborate murder:

* *





*Murder of Professor Mordray. Wife arrested for the murder. Getting arrested (& convicted/condemned) is part of Mme’s scheme—because she knows that detective C will be able to get her off (couple more murders) **à double jeopardy **à explains why she is so calm throughout business—detached*
*Plotted with C. Elaborate scheme from which she will get rid of husband & inherit his money, & he will get rid of Lindorf & beat G (chief of police) in game of wits. C will then prove Mme’s innocence (she was framed) & get rid of L (C’s motive—other motive is game with G).*
*C plans it all & executes all but M’s murder: his subtle, complex brain*

Structure:

1.) Wrong theory #1: Suicide 
Motive: Mme leaving him (eloping that night - NOT REALLY).
Easily & obviously disproven.
Psychological evidence: not a suicidal type.
Physical evidence: gun placed in hand; shot from a distance—NO powder burns.Fingerprints wiped off gun (_which doesn’t fit gun being placed in hand—aha!)_

2.) Wrong theory #2: Mme shot her husband 
Evidence for
Also need a clever (but false) reason why she’s innocent: clue against her guilt
Goes downstairs & shoots M (takes gun from desk) psychological clue: confront M, otherwise afraid of him forever (went down on impulse)
Could she be protecting her lover?[C on boat—tyre tracks of lovers; car are L’s]
At first denies elopement, until confronted with maid’s evidence.
Clumsily makes it look like suicide [deliberately: meant to be seen through].Calls off elopement—to stop suspicion falling on her & lover (reason for unpacking suitcasebut did this before maid finds body, so HAS to be guilty)
Important point: Why wouldn’t Mme flee with her lover if she was guilty?Going to elope—chance of getting out of country.Against human nature if she was guilty—since instinct would be to flee (so points to her innocence).BUT UNPACKING + ELOPE IN EVENING MEANS FAKED ELOPEMENT.Since guilty means believed she had nothing to fear.
Loose end: chloral hydrate (inconsistent with manslaughter theory—“& that bothers me”

3.) Wrong theory #3: Lindorf & maid killed M & framed Mme 
True—but only to a point!
Maid drugs M—chloral hydrate: enough to poison him
Only person who could have poisoned M’s cup
Modus operandi
Frames Mme (knew she was eloping; saw her going into study)
L comes in—shoots M (maid at first thinks M has shot himself—frames Mme when realises not suicide, but murder, to protect L).Maid, when finding body, locks French window—but footprint on carpet (wild night).
Evidence against Mme
Mme doesn’t elope because afraid she/lover will be suspected.

4.) TRUTH: C & Mme 
Elopement a fake TIME of elopement
Manipulated maid & L confided in maid
Expected to be arrested didn’t try to run away; why suicide so CLUMSY fake; composure throughout (amounting to indifference)
Hubert’s murder: faked by C (telephone) to get Mme acquitted & lead to L

C then drives L to kill maid, and to commit suicide.


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## WindScale (Jun 16, 2013)

default settings said:


> *istp* - shoots you after watching too many westerns.


I like that, I like that one a lot. It made me :laughing: once I read it.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

*ENTJ* - Being the ultimate salesperson, the ENTJ persuades you to join in on a 12 month plan with a dozen or so of other members. With their charisma, you're won over and follow them almost religiously, until the 12 months are over, and the group drinks koolaid to become one with the Ego.
*
INTJ* - Plans for years in advance, watching your everyday routine from behind the scenes, where you go, who you hang out with. Slowly and surely plants a seed in a friend's head to turn them against you. Messes with that friend's head until they go insane and massacre you in your sleep.
*
ENTP* - Accidentally. But, for the sake of fun, we'll say they could actually make a plan and follow through with it, with enough resources of people and such. You awaken one day to find all of the doors and windows closed, unable to open, and that you're slowly suffocating. You try to use a phone, but it won't work. There's incessant giggling coming from a loud speaker. When you bash a hole through the window, you find that your house is precariously perched on the edge of a cliff. ENTPs like options. If you don't die from the fall, you'll starve, or even commit suicide, since the ENTP thought ahead to remove all forms of entertainment and nourishment from the house. And don't even get me started on the booby traps. 
*
INTP* - Wouldn't bother killing you, apathetically smirking that life is already a pain in the ass. But, if it came right down to it, they'd send a tiny robotic fly to go into your mouth while sleeping, and press the 'Kill' button on the remote control. No fuss, no muss.

*ENFJ* - Similar to the ENTJ, except they actually believe what they're professing, and will also drink the koolaid.

*INFJ* - Will trap you in a re-enactment of their work of art-- Masterpiece-- Magnum Opus. Who knows how they do it-- It seems almost supernatural, but most definitely scientific. In their creations, the main character usually comes to a tragic end. You play the main character. 

*ENFP* - Accidentally. But, if planned... Will glue all of your furniture to your ceiling, so everything is upsidedown. When you wake up, you fall out of bed, and everything comes crashing down on you, for a very interesting and fun way to go.

*INFP* - Accidentally. But, if planned... They'd lock themselves in with you. Despite being so sweet, interesting, and even optimistic at times, the INFP has a dark side. They cleverly convince you to kill yourself, due to the dark sides of life. Anything you might say to argue against it, they will have a counter argument.

*ESTJ* - A good, swift hit with a baseball bat.
*
ISTJ* - ... Ever seen the show 'Dexter'? :kitteh:

*ESTP* - Will take you out to the middle of a forest with a couple of guns, and tell you to run. Track you down and shoot you, for sport.

*ISTP* - Gives you a motorcycle they built themselves, for your birthday. You get into an 'accident'.

*ESFJ* - Will form a posse, and you will be killed, at night, being kicked to death. On the roof of the police station. Yep. They got the cops in on it.

*ISFJ* - Will give you the best night of your life, playing board games, watching movies, playing video games, and making you the best food ever. When you fall asleep, they smother you with a pillow, and _easily _convince the police that you'd been on an odd diet, and that they were worried for your health.

*ESFP* - _How _the ESFP managed to convince you to go out to a party, you'll never know, since you generally don't like parties. But you do. And despite covering your drink with a hand as you mingle and attempt your 'robot' dance in the crowd, the ESFP somehow still slips in the poisoned roofie. 

*ISFP* - Will take you out to the graveyard at night on a dare, having made an elaborate and well-constructed set of ghosts and ghouls, that scare you to death by midnight.


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## ferroequinologist (Jul 27, 2012)

I can only speak from an ISFP perspective:

*ISFP*: Would, in a fit of rage over his inability to convince you of his rightness, put you into a Force stranglehold, and accidentally kill you in a fit of rage, and then go "NOOOOOOOOOOO" for hours afterwards. (See Anakin/Darth Vader: the coolest, baddest ISFP of all time and space)


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## KraChZiMan (Mar 23, 2013)

*ESTJ* - Tells you to stand against the wall. Doesn't say anything, just pulls out a handgun and shoots you. Simple.

*ISTJ* - Spends time looking for a hitman. Signs the contract, does all the paperwork, pays all your debts in advance so that your sudden death does not become a financial burden to your family, and lets the hitman do the job.

*ESTP* - Probably kills you when you don't expect it with something that causes amazing explosions.

*ISTP* - Climbs on the rooftop and observes you from a safe distance. Sets up a sniper gun, and when you approach a lonely street corner, "BOOM, HEADSHOT!". 

*ENTJ* - Appears with furious pack of american bulldogs. Says "RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!" and sets them on you. Bursts into evil laughter as they go for your soft, unspoiled human flesh.

*INTJ* - Picks an abandoned warehouse and sets it full of magnificent, enigmatic and deadly puzzles, "Saw" style. Puts sedatives in your drink, and drags you in the warehouse while you're unconscious, then locks you there. When you wake up, you'll find a portable cassete deck. When you play it, you'll hear "Hello! I want to play a game..."

*ENTP* - Finds a loophole in the law, and presses charges on you, that end with a death penalty for you.

*INTP* - Gives you a can of coke, which is full of deadly acid. Watches you take a sip, and counting seconds until you drop dead. Lists this figure as "empirical evidence" under his scientific research about the effects of this particular deadly acid on a human organism. 

*ESFJ* - Throws a party with you and all your friends. Offers you a glass of red wine, which contains a fatal dose of barbiturates. Throws you a proper funeral, inviting all your friends. Cries a lot at your funeral, but only because it's sad to attend to a funeral of a dead friend.

*ISFJ* - Smothers you to death in your sleep with a pillow. Later feels annoyed, because this comfy pillow is now totally ruined, and there is a dead body in the bed that doesn't go well with interior.

*ESFP* - Puts on a super hero costume and challenges you to a fight. Feels offended by your painful hits, and starts to cheat and pulls out brass knuckles the middle of the fight, beating you to death. 

*ISFP* - Sings you a song on a guitar, that talks about death in a very graphical manner. When you start to get weirded out and slowly head out to leave, the ISFP swiftly follows and beats you to death with a guitar (which contains sharp metal parts).

*ENFJ* - Organizes a team of people to launch a huge campaign to mercilessly cyber-bully you, making you feel sad and depressed. Then the ENFJ approaches you randomly, and convinces you to "take the easy way out and find your redemption in a paradise. End this miserable life in this unfair world". When you end it all in a suicide, decides to make a martyr out of you and start a new religious/political movement based on your glorious death.

*INFJ* - Invites you to become an actor in a grand, theatrical play. Convinces you that this will be your most epic role you'll ever take part in. Your role is to play a medieval king who gets assassinated in the end, but instead of giving the assassin a retractable knife, INFJ switches it with the real one right before the scene, so the actor has no time to check. Sees you getting killed in the play, and feels ecstatic, because there is no nobler way to die than in the midst of reenacting an epic tale of adventure and glory.

*ENFP* - Feels overwhelmed by the thought of killing somebody, and decides to make it quick by walking you to some abandoned street corner on a skid row. When you ask "what's going on", ENFP starts to cry, says "I'm so sorry, buddy, I have to do this. Please forgive me in your afterlife," pulls out a handgun, and shoots you quickly, and runs away as you drop dead.

*INFP *- Approaches you one day with a big smile and says "You know what? Let's go see the seaside!" and walks you on top of a cliff. Sits beside you on the rock, watching the birds fly, and sun reflecting from the water. Recites you a sad poem or two, then suddenly interrupts the reading and asks "Would you like to feel how it's like to experience a poetic death?" and pushes you off the cliff. Patiently watches you drop on the sharp rocks and the water turning red. Feels inspired and writes a sad poem dedicated to your death. When the poem becomes famous, also lists your name under the "special thanks" category as a "source of inspiration".


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## candiemerald (Jan 26, 2014)

Raawx said:


> Yes, this does perpetuate stereotypes. Post your own for funsies.
> 
> *ENTJ* - Mentally torture you through a system of elaborate puzzles until you finally lose the will to live. Then they'll have their servant kill you.
> *INTJ* - Devise a detailed and precise plan with which to follow through. It wont be difficult for them to kill you, nor would they care much.
> ...


Arsenic and Old Lace, much? :laughing:

This is awesome!


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

ESTP Having fun with it:









ISTP:









ENFP:









INFP:









ESTJ making a point:









ENFJ:









INTJ:









ENTJ: Contract killer paid from an offshore bank account.

ESFP: Subtle case of alcohol poisoning.









ISFJ: Sobbing on the inside.









ESFJ: Heels are murder.









ISFP:









ISTJ:









ENTP: Hands lightsaber to someone blindfolded aiming for pinata.









Did I miss anyone?

OOOPS! 

INFJ:









INTP: Death by powerpoint.


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## monemi (Jun 24, 2013)

Word Dispenser said:


> *ESTP* - Will take you out to the middle of a forest with a couple of guns, and tell you to run. Track you down and shoot you, for sport.


This one makes me a little sad. Why isn't this legal? It sounds like so much fun! I mean, I hunt animals for sport, why not assholes too?


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## 6007 (Feb 12, 2010)

I won't name the types but here are a few, you can draw your own conclusions:

1. convince me to take on a challenge that is fun but ends in my accidental demise.
2. I start choking but they are too distracted to notice. So I die quietly in a corner. 
3. they get all whiny; I kill myself. 
4. bore me so badly I slip into a coma, my family pulls the plug. 
5. force me to walk on a broken leg, I die by falling off a cliff. Obviously I didn't want to walk badly enough. *wimp*
6. similarly unsympathetic to my food poisoning, I die of dehydration right under their nose. 
7. too busy flirting with person in car, runs me over. 
8. is supposed to pick me up in bad neighborhood, but gets distracted on the way, forgets and then I am shanked by strangers.
9. Smothers me to death, emotionally and with pillows.


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## Surreal Snake (Nov 17, 2009)

ENTP:Removes a piece of its ego and chokes you to death with it
INFJates you for a year and on the evening you think they are going to propose, strangles you
ISTJ:Makes you do your homework till you kill yourself
All for now kids


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## AhmzLDN (Nov 12, 2015)

*ESTJ *- We don't get the opportunity to kill people often, so considering that the person actually does deserve to die (most likely for being a serial killer) we would probably hack limbs off until we get tired, make sure they feel as much pain as possible, thankfully emotions mean so little to us so we can do it with much less hesitation (and less remorse if we know they deserved to die), yeah I think that would be fun lol. But like I said, only if they have a proper reason to die.


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## TTIOTBSAL (May 26, 2014)

ENFP - make you jump from rainbow to rainbow and trip in a mushroom, giggle until you choke while falling and hit the very flowery and colorful rainbow-like yet hard ground where you finally break your neck.


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## sweetraglansweater (Jul 31, 2015)

Cosmic Hobo said:


> *ENTP*: with a Heath-Robinson contraption, involving a cobra, a staple gun, a broken-down gramophone, and a large bottle of cognac, or with a lethal use of applied chemistry (bright green hedgehogs, strychnine in vegetable marrows, statues that bludgeon people to death; substituting poison for chemicals to dissolve stomach lining and make it look like victim died of gastritis).
> 
> * INTP*: argues compellingly why your existence is impossible, and why you are a paradox, due to Schtaussenweiglitz's theory of temporal physico-mechanics, von Urbleitz's philosophy of anti-essentialism. You disappear in a puff of logic. The universe may or may not blow up in the process.
> 
> ...


Marry me


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## Cosmic Hobo (Feb 7, 2013)

sweraglansweater said:


> Marry me


My darling! I love you!

...

But wait; I've never met you! Alas, our love may never be!


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## LostScrew (Jun 26, 2015)

Kill myself, and by extension, you. Because in the end, aren't we all the same?

In truth, all of that was an illusion! I had pumped the room we were standing in full of a dangerous hallucinogenic gas, and waited until you were sufficiently out of it to go in, wearing a hazard mask, of course, to finally apply my miracle formula into your recently deceased body and transform you into my perfect Frankenstein's monst- 

Oh, wait, nevermind. 

I got bored. 

You can come back to life now.


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## Coburn (Sep 3, 2010)

@Raawx



> ESTJ - They would shoot you. Simple.


Yup. My first thought was sniper shot. Clean, simple, done.


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## O_o (Oct 22, 2011)

lunai said:


> ENTJ - Hires you at their large company, and makes you work so many hours, you die.
> INTJ - Abducts you and uses you in their lethal scientific experiment in their secret laboratory.
> ENTP - Creates a convincing ven diagram of why you should kill yourself.
> INTP - Makes you question whether you really exist or not and become suicidal.
> ...


LOL. I like this one. 

If there's any type that'd induce a depersonalization crisis so powerful and confusing to the point of suicide, it'd likely be an INTP. 

But the thanks comes for the ISFP one. 

@*Cosmic Hobo *Ugh. Wonderful.


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