# People are disgusting.



## SysterMatic (Jun 8, 2014)

I just can't hear people talking anymore because they disgust me. 
They appreciate all that is wrong in my point of view. And it's pretty clear they will never be able to see the truth. I don't have the will to talk with someone who doesn't understand what I'm saying and since I'm sure no one will be able to understand it I'm becoming really apathetic. I don't want to talk with anyone and when someone do talk with me I'm disgusted. That's so because I'm consciouns to be trapped in the cycle where I do hope to be understood and then I don't. It's like if my mind was saying me: "you had enough of this feeling and if you exaggerate you will vomit". Like if I had eaten too much chocolate and then it had lost its taste and you continue to eat it because you *must* finish to eat your part of that. But my part never ends. 
I'm disgusted and food has lost its taste too. I do eat because I know I should. But I don't really feel the need or the desire to. I do hate to eat and to be next to people who don't know me at all. And I'm nothing more than a tool they use to say they have a friend that is nothing but the reflex of their imagination. And as a "distorted image" I don't feel "real", "material" at all. I don't feel to exist at the moment. And the worst thing is that this gave me no sadness or such. 
Someone has experienced something like this before? It's about depression or such? I don't feel depressed. But it's something I know I should solve. And I don't really know how at the moment. So if you have an idea on the matter feel free to help. It would be really appreciated.


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## Arno (Apr 2, 2012)

Thanks for posting this up here @_Inver_. It's good to talk of your deepest feelings once every while. All too well, I have felt what you're going through. There have been various moments where I wondered if anybody was real, if everything was just an illusion. It was either that or I hated the entire world to the guts because my life is not all that good. I looked around myself and saw nothing but systems and inventions, which at the end of the day, were nothing but ideas and concepts.. And it would have no value to me. I don't know what to say Inver, but I'm feeling what you're feeling.


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

_Once, a girl found a big box.
The Bird of Happiness was inside.
The bird would take her to Forever Land, or so she hoped.
Each box was smaller than the last.
In a cramped, dark space, she finally found her little bird.
But it was far too little, and far too late.

The bird was long dead.
It had met a bloody fate.
The End._

The moral: everlasting happiness is a joke.


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## DlusionAl (Apr 9, 2011)

You sound like a complete hypocrite. You automatically call your own view the truth so others as being false. How can people not understand YOU? Why should I talk to anyone who doesn't understand ME? How could YOU possibly understand ME? Why can't someone make the effort to understand ME?

You want someone to understand but make no effort to understand them. You want someone to understand you but don't make the effort to explain your view. You want to be around like minded people but get upset that you wont be so unique in your own mind. You blame other people before you push the blame on yourself. Maybe you should make the effort to understand others as well.

If you constantly have this negative outlook on things nothing will change. Im telling you this because I used to think the same way. Looking back on it now I realized how selfish it was. All the complaining did nothing. People wont change for you, you need to make the effort to understand others and those that are worth it will do the same. 

It's a really shitty feeling and cycle to go through. Nothing feels like its worth it and everything feels empty. You say you want to change but from this post it doesn't seem like you want to make any effort to do so. Can't really give you advice when it doesn't look like you want the help.


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## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

It's a researched phenomenon, this is technically within your own control and thinking patterns.


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## Janovich (Apr 9, 2014)

Have some good night's rests, It will help. I feel bitter about fucking everything when I sleep too little for an extended period of time. 
You might not feel tired, but try it anyway.


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## SysterMatic (Jun 8, 2014)

@DlusionAl


> You want someone to understand but make no effort to understand them. You want someone to understand you but don't make the effort to explain your view.


You're right: I make some assumptions (To know the truth about someting, not about everything. I do recognize my errors if someone show me.) and I make myself those questions, but I'm not an hypocrite. I'm the person who makes so many efforts to understand others that you can't even imagine. And that's one of the reasons of my current mood: all the respect I've always used with people, all my empathy and all my good sides have been wasted. And I'm tired of explaining things over and over again with people who wants to understand only what there is in them instead of what I'm saying. So don't tell me I don't make efforts to explain my view. I did. And it's always been useless.


> You blame other people before you push the blame on yourself.


Actually it's the opposite: I've always thought to be the stupid one and the weak one who is not even able to make herself be understood. Because it does seem others are able to. So it must be me. This is always my first thought. So I've tried to change strategy so many times. But it never worked. Some people don't want to understand what I'm saying and find more easy to change it in something more "funny" or whatever they'd like to. I find this to be detestable. If something is not funny then you *shouldn't* change its nature. Leave me talk and express myself. Leave me be.


> You say you want to change but from this post it doesn't seem like you want to make any effort to do so.


What I was searching it's the "you're not right" kind of reasoning. Because I would like to think about it and change my mind. Actually it's really easy to. I'm kinda moody. But I would like to have a reason to return "hoping people are good or whatever" view of the world while escaping my usual "I'm a masochistic idiot who never learns" approach to life. 
Anyway thank you: you've been honest and that's something I do really appreciate.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Solution: dint speak up and instead withhold the truth. Trust me I understand. Just simply keep the truth to yourself.


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## Liquid Metal (Nov 20, 2014)

Just had a flashback from 1998.


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## DlusionAl (Apr 9, 2011)

Inver said:


> @_DlusionAl_
> 
> You're right: I make some assumptions (To know the truth about someting, not about everything. I do recognize my errors if someone show me.) and I make myself those questions, but I'm not an hypocrite. I'm the person who makes so many efforts to understand others that you can't even imagine. And that's one of the reasons of my current mood: all the respect I've always used with people, all my empathy and all my good sides have been wasted. And I'm tired of explaining things over and over again with people who wants to understand only what there is in them instead of what I'm saying. So don't tell me I don't make efforts to explain my view. I did. And it's always been useless.
> 
> ...



I make assumptions as well. I assumed you were the person that wallowed in self pity and expected everyone around you to change. But I hope you see that that is exactly the type of person you came off as in your original post. If you went into more detail like you are doing now, my initial thought of you would have been completely different. 
So by explaining yourself, my view of you has changed and I understand you better because you made the effort to talk and show your point of view to me. Now I don't believe that you taking the time and effort to do so was useless. 

I can only speak in general because you'd have to give me examples on the situations you are talking about. 
Social situations can be very difficult to understand, especially if it does not come naturally to you. It didn't for me. Trying so many different ways to express yourself and for it to still be "wrong" is rough. From what I gather it seems like they are changing it so they can better understand from their point of view. Which in the end makes it "wrong" to you. 
If you gave me an example I might be able to understand more. And in return explain better what I am trying to say to you as well.


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## SysterMatic (Jun 8, 2014)

I'm not good with examples like those...
Example: I've heard one whole day this guy speaking about himself and whenever I said something he was less interested and he obviously preferred to talk instead of listening. So my point of view was that I understood his preferences. And I've respected those and I've let him talk. (Even if I've eventually tried to talk, ending with bad results, because I wanted to respect my needs too) At the end of the day he said he was happy to stay in my company. And he also thought that because he was happy then it would've been logic for me to be happy too (there are so many things wrong in this I can't even tell. The most horrible for me is the fact that I've asked my self how he felt all the time and he will never and this is so unfair. I do always feel like the only one who cares about everyone while they're talking with others of their superlative empathy ).
So when I've said to him (and I need strength to say something bad to people) I was not he thought I was joking because it must obviously be so funny to hear someone who don't let you talk for an entire day. Things likes this happens very often. People think I do joke when I don't. 
And yes, I've seen how I could've seemed with my first post but I wanted to see the various interpretations of people too.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

@Inver - You don't like self-absorbed and narcissistic people. What's wrong with that?


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## SysterMatic (Jun 8, 2014)

That was the best example I've found and the more clear (I think). But things like that happen with almost everyone, always. Usually in little things you could not get angry for or you will seem a mad girl.


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## MNiS (Jan 30, 2010)

Inver said:


> That was the best example I've found and the more clear (I think). But things like that happen with almost everyone, always. Usually in little things you could not get angry for or you will seem a mad girl.


Well I think if you're around people who only pick what portions of what you're saying in a negative way then you're around people who simply are incompatible with you. Either that or they don't respect you and just want to try to make you feel bad about yourself. My usual advice would be to say find some new people, but that's not always possible. So just try to make very simple statements that are unambiguous. If people are still misunderstanding you, then you'll know they're doing it on purpose and just don't talk to them unless you have to for a work/family/essential reason.


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## reveur (Oct 26, 2014)

There are so many kinds of people. Some of them are really worth to keep a contact with for sure - and they'll listen, instead of waiting for their turn to speak.

If you feel sick of the situation and everything seems well-known, pointless and tiring maybe it's time for a change? I think you could use another point of view. How about speaking up? Just an idea. You think that somebody took something that you said for a joke? Ask about it. "Do you think I was joking?" Listen. If they'll confirm - ask why. Who knows? Maybe you'll learn something valuable about yourself? About them? Maybe some of them _seem_ disgusting, but they're not like this, not really. A lot of people is trying to play safe. It's actually hard to blame them, if you already know it, but it takes an effort to get to know them. But then again - once you know them, there will be a field for meaningful conversations, relationships, exchanging support, etc.

"Resentments are like stray cats: if you don't feed them, they'll go away". Resentments also like that sweet little spot in the corner of our minds and being a secret. That's how they grow. They're afraid of putting them into the light. I think it's good that you brought this topic up.


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## DlusionAl (Apr 9, 2011)

Inver said:


> I'm not good with examples like those...
> Example: I've heard one whole day this guy speaking about himself and whenever I said something he was less interested and he obviously preferred to talk instead of listening. So my point of view was that I understood his preferences. And I've respected those and I've let him talk. (Even if I've eventually tried to talk, ending with bad results, because I wanted to respect my needs too) At the end of the day he said he was happy to stay in my company. And he also thought that because he was happy then it would've been logic for me to be happy too (there are so many things wrong in this I can't even tell. The most horrible for me is the fact that I've asked my self how he felt all the time and he will never and this is so unfair. I do always feel like the only one who cares about everyone while they're talking with others of their superlative empathy ).
> So when I've said to him (and I need strength to say something bad to people) I was not he thought I was joking because it must obviously be so funny to hear someone who don't let you talk for an entire day. Things likes this happens very often. People think I do joke when I don't.
> And yes, I've seen how I could've seemed with my first post but I wanted to see the various interpretations of people too.


So you were bothered all day by him but never said anything until the end? He was happy talking with you all day and assumed because you didn't say otherwise that you were as well. Thats not really that far off left field. It seems like he is an outgoing person who you can't be delicate with or else they wont understand. How could he understand that you were unhappy if you never said anything? Not everyone communicates the same way. You may think that you were being polite but to the other person it may be unkind. 
Actually yeah to him it would have been funny because he probably would have never spent the whole day unhappy and not done anything about it. Because to people like that you need to be blunt to get your point across. 
You can't assume that he didn't care how you felt if you never said anything or didn't show anything to cause disinterest. I have friends like that, that will talk all day and not really let you get a word in edge wise unless you tell them bluntly how annoying they are being. Would I come off as a bitch? Yes, to some. But I got my intentions across with no misunderstandings. And you'd be surprised how many more people appreciate that than anything.


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## hellebore (Nov 30, 2014)

Finding the right people is pretty random, I think. I don't have a lot of them right now, and I know some fantastic people who don't, either. Sometimes all you have is a bad combination of people who don't mesh with you, people who are obnoxious to be around, and jack diddly squat. Honestly, I think going out of your way to accommodate people who aren't willing to accommodate you to some degree or who just aren't enjoyable company only drains you faster. You can lead a horse to water, etc. You can't always friendly people into being friendly back, and even if you could it's not always an efficient use of your time and energy or an efficient way to get company.

I also think it depends a lot on where you are and what you're up to at any point. A new environment can have totally different people, a new season can have a totally different crowd, and different books on the table can draw in totally different people. I've had days where I run into people who are so standoffish they'll glare after nearly knocking _me _over, but yesterday I had my latest textbook out in the table at the campus cafe. I drew in one person who drew in a second, and for the next hour and a half I was talking to a Republican brony who showed me the Derpy Hooves background on his phone and an older Libertarian who showed us a video on YouTube of him with Ron Paul. I'm Democratic party, by the way.


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## Endless Rainbows (Oct 1, 2014)

I am reminded of this quote:

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem first make sure you are not in fact surrounded by assholes."

Perhaps finding the courage to politely excuse yourself and walk away. Loads of better people out there than self-absorbed narcissistic types. Surround yourself with better people.


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## SysterMatic (Jun 8, 2014)

@DlusionAl


> Not everyone communicates the same way.


I must disagree. I do communicate showing my discomfort and feelings with my tone of voice, with body language and with my behave (and when I've the need I can't do nothing but talk direct. It's the last thing I do, but that is just because it is more difficult to do, for me): you may think this is not enough to make understand yourself by others. I do think it is and they're just choosing to not consider my "mood" because it's not convenient for them to take responsibilities of that. I will explain:
If I get sad because of something people have said they will never notice (and I will inevitably show my mood, somehow so it is not the fact I don't show it). They will continue to take my "silence" as something to fill with theyr needs. But then, when I will expose what they've done to make me feel like that they will suddendly turn into "perfect feelings detectors" who are able to detect even the smallest trace of insecurity. And they will end saying something like "You don't think what you actually said" or "Why you are angry with me?! I don't deserve that". When it is convenient for them they will ignore the message and they will concentrate on _how_ I've said that! This is what I do hate: they manipulate my behave with their incapacity to feel guilty or whatever. My thought when I do experience their ability to understand my feelings so well is "Why in the world you should be able to understand when I'm angry or unsure and not when I'm sad because of you?". The answer is: because you better this way. 
Trust me: I've thought this can be my fault, but facts are they change when it is more usefull for them to.
And I'm kinda uspet because of this. And I can't just say people: "I'm angry with you because you understood I was angry (or unsure, or whatever) and you don't when I was sad." they will laugh at me saying this makes no sense at all because they've just understood what they've understood. They've done nothing to change their ability to detect feelings. And this is somehow true: it is true they've not done anything consiouns to change that. And that's why I'm disgusted and apathetic: because it is in their own nature. And I can't do nothing with that. And if they're so then why bother so much about things?


> unless you tell them bluntly how annoying they are being.


I do. But many of the "boring things" are not that easy to express because they seem not "real". Another example: another guy (my best friend, actually) once looked at me with the "You *should* understand" kind of look. For me it was a sort of reproach that really hit me. So much. And I got kinda bored: it is not my job to understand people. I'm human and I may be wrong (actually there are so many times I'm wrong). I'm sorry if for once I didn't understood what you said, but you can't just pretend it for me. I felt chained ad unarmed. How in the world could I've said something like "you were too harsh on me"?! He didn't said anything!
You may think I'm the hypocrite of the first posts who claim to know what's behind the eyes of my friends without asking them. But there are things I just don't need to ask... I don't know how to explain this. If one of your friends smiles at you in a "so warm way" you will never ask him if he is happy. You will just know it. That's it. And besides I do always try to understand if what I've thought it is right or not. So please understand I'm not that "subjective" as I may seem. 


> Would I come off as a bitch? Yes, to some. But I got my intentions across with no misunderstandings. And you'd be surprised how many more people appreciate that than anything.


I do agree on this. I've difficulties in seeming a "bitch" and I do know it is appreciated. I do appreciate honest people too, as I said. But as I told I've difficulties and if the few times I try to talk I'm rejected and not understood the probability I will speak again are each time lower. Anyway I'm working on this. If they use my feelings against me when I do talk then I only need to erase them and to talk monotonously. But then again: my words are not energic and for this not interesting. I've really tried everything :\. 

@reveur 


> How about speaking up? Just an idea.


Your idea is good. I'm a little scared I will seem an inquisitor, though. "Where do you were while my paranoids thoughts were killing me?!? Do you have an alibi?!?". I do rarely have the chance to point out my disappointment and I doubt I will be able to make a discussion like this. I will get drained before even reaching this point. But I will try. (If I was able to do this then I yould've reached a great goal). Thank you. It is undeniable I've problem in going further through the "being direct road". And I would like to grow up by learning how to talk like that. I'm trying. The fact I 've not reached yet the ideal point in that road, I recognize, is my fault. But while I can take my responsibilities I would like people to understand theirs too. I mean: sometimes I do just feel like if I was the only one trying to make things easier for the other. And I do fall in the "It's unfair" kind of reasoning.

For everyone else who said me to move out and find someone else: my friends are the best people I've ever meet. I do look for new friends every day of course, I'm open-minded and excited in doing new friends. But if my friends who are the best are not enough then who is? My disappointment extend itself over all the humanity: if they're not able to understand me then no one will be. That's a problem I need to solve in my mind. It's not about changing people. That would be only an escape route I will use 'till I make new friends I will be trapped again in. As I said in the first post: I don't want to start the cycle again. I don't want to hope and to be hurt. 

Anyway I would like to say thanks to everyone because I do understand it is not easy to read through it all my answers and thoughts. And maybe your will in understanding what I'm saying is a little reassuring for me.


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## DlusionAl (Apr 9, 2011)

Inver said:


> @_DlusionAl_
> 
> I must disagree. I do communicate showing my discomfort and feelings with my tone of voice, with body language and with my behave (and when I've the need I can't do nothing but talk direct. It's the last thing I do, but that is just because it is more difficult to do, for me): you may think this is not enough to make understand yourself by others. I do think it is and they're just choosing to not consider my "mood" because it's not convenient for them to take responsibilities of that. I will explain:
> If I get sad because of something people have said they will never notice (and I will inevitably show my mood, somehow so it is not the fact I don't show it). They will continue to take my "silence" as something to fill with theyr needs. But then, when I will expose what they've done to make me feel like that they will suddendly turn into "perfect feelings detectors" who are able to detect even the smallest trace of insecurity. And they will end saying something like "You don't think what you actually said" or "Why you are angry with me?! I don't deserve that". When it is convenient for them they will ignore the message and they will concentrate on how I've said that! This is what I do hate: they manipulate my behave with their incapacity to feel guilty or whatever. My thought when I do experience their ability to understand my feelings so well is "Why in the world you should be able to understand when I'm angry or unsure and not when I'm sad because of you?". The answer is: because you better this way.
> ...


I understand that you do show discomfort and voice your concern only when you haven't been noticed. I was only trying to point that what you think is obvious may not be to others. I will use myself as an example. I am not very expressive, I actually have a hard time doing it and in return can't read feelings very well. I typically do not understand how someone is feeling unless they tell me. Because I have a hard time expressing myself in return I constantly get asked "are you ok? Why are you so angry? Are you not having fun?" It leads to misunderstandings. I have been told that I looked so bothered around someone but I've actually been having a lot of fun. That is what I meant by people communicating differently. So for me my difficulties are the opposite of yours. 

As for your friends nitpicking your feelings. When you tell someone you are sad because of them, they tend to become more sensitive around you. Then they feel guilty, then they try to shift some of the blame to you so they can feel less guilty. And yeah it's a really shitty thing to do, that I completely agree.
Though anger is also much easier to detect than sadness. It is much more expressive.
Well you bother with it because while you may be disgusted at the bad things, you still want to be around them right? The good would have to be worth it, even if it is just for the moment. 




> I do. But many of the "boring things" are not that easy to express because they seem not "real". Another example: another guy (my best friend, actually) once looked at me with the "You should understand" kind of look. For me it was a sort of reproach that really hit me. So much. And I got kinda bored: it is not my job to understand people. I'm human and I may be wrong (actually there are so many times I'm wrong). I'm sorry if for once I didn't understood what you said, but you can't just pretend it for me. I felt chained ad unarmed. How in the world could I've said something like "you were too harsh on me"?! He didn't said anything!
> You may think I'm the hypocrite of the first posts who claim to know what's behind the eyes of my friends without asking them. But there are things I just don't need to ask... I don't know how to explain this. If one of your friends smiles at you in a "so warm way" you will never ask him if he is happy. You will just know it. That's it. And besides I do always try to understand if what I've thought it is right or not. So please understand I'm not that "subjective" as I may seem.


So then he can't get angry with you because you didn't understand him but you can get angry at him for not understanding you? 
You say you are just human and can be wrong, but everyone is like that.
Yeah you don't need to speak to understand someone I get it. 




> I do agree on this. I've difficulties in seeming a "bitch" and I do know it is appreciated. I do appreciate honest people too, as I said. But as I told I've difficulties and if the few times I try to talk I'm rejected and not understood the probability I will speak again are each time lower. Anyway I'm working on this. If they use my feelings against me when I do talk then I only need to erase them and to talk monotonously. But then again: my words are not energic and for this not interesting. I've really tried everything :\.


So then you are really just afraid of rejection like every human.
Haha if you talk in a monotone you'll only end up like me. Though I don't believe that you have tried everything. I think it's more that you have tried everything in your comfort zone. 


Though I guess Ill at least say that your posts now compared to your first are pretty much two completely different people. How I see you is not the same at all. Kind of amazing what you can accomplish when you take the time out to express yourself huh?
I would try talking to your friends in a similar manner in which you are talking to me. You might get closer to the results you are looking for.


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