# how to put this without sounding psycho!?!



## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

Intj type 8.

I will give you a scenario to better understand my issue. 

A while back a large group of people attacked me and my family.. grandma, wife, cousin, and a few others. 

Before it began I tried talking to them.. then one of them slapped my grandma. 

I had a huge burst of emotions.. followed by the most empty clinical, cold, primitive feeling I have ever felt. I would like to say I became something else.. something besides me. But I have always been aware I had this side. I just didn't know it could be this. 

I was in control. I systematically went threw this mob of people avoiding the women. There were 11 guys and four women. 

At one point my cousin put me in a full nelson in the attempt of stopping me. 

I sent four men to the e.r. 

I was arrested even though then entire thing was on film. The cops said I was to dangerous to be left on the streets. 

I was realested the next day and received a letter from the prosecutor apologising about my arrest..

Was I in the right? I think so. I would never let my loved ones be hurt. 

Am I proud of what happened? No.

I know that I don't want to be there again. 

I think that side scares me because of how effective I become. 

Does anyone have advice on how to.. kill that side of me? Or repress it or something.


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## Datseer (Apr 23, 2014)

First of all, apologies for any mistakes I may or may not make, English is not my native language.
Something similar happened to me before, so maybe my views on it could help you.

You say you want to "kill that side of yourself" or at least repress it. You may not need to do any of them. 
From your post I deduce this had not happened before (like this) and you were shocked with your sudden outburst and the consequences of it, though you knew that part of yourself to a certain extent. 
If this doesn't affect your daily life, I don't see any point in trying to repress it. 
They attacked your loved ones - you protected them.
There was a reason you got primal and felt like you did, and reacted like you did. 
But maybe the problem is that it the results were "too extreme". And maybe you scared your own family by acting like that.
I'd understand then that you would want to repress it. And I think your own feelings of guilt after this will help you control your "impulsiveness" under less threatening circumstances.

But I guess if your relatives/friends were to be hurt again you could end up doing the same damn thing, and IMHO it would be completely justified, as long as there is a serious enough threat to their well-being and/or action will not predictably cause a worse scenario (meaning absolutely unnecesary deaths or a higher risk of getting your family hurt).
Your own will to gain rational control in these situations will determine everything, and that's why I said your guilt will probably help you reconsider/have second thoughs about taking action next time, now that you've experienced the consequences. But you may end up doing the same, because it may look like it's the best thing to do.

I used to be a very impulsive person before (INTP here btw). An experience similar to yours helped me change. Now I consider myself a very patient and rational person. But hurt any of my loved-ones and I will make you wish you were never born. I guess that's just how it is for some of us. And I don't think it's wrong. I think of it as "an exception" to repressing that side you mentioned.

So don't know if this will be of any help, since this advice is biased by my opinion on hurting one's loved-ones. I hope you get more answers and find something helpful.


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## bluekitdon (Dec 19, 2012)

I think many of us are probably capable of that if our loved ones are in danger. I suspect that I am perfectly capable of defending my family in this manner. The fact that you see it as a problem leads me to believe you are not really a threat to anyone that does not attack you first. I wouldn't worry too much about it as long as you do not start acting on it outside of a purely defensive situation. I would suggest staying away from drugs or alcohol that might break down your conscious barriers to this type of behavior or lead you to feel threatened when you are not actually in a life threatening position.


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## Amandine (May 11, 2014)

I think what you experienced was a Fight-or-Flight response. 

Fight-or-flight response - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Red Panda (Aug 18, 2010)

Your reaction was natural, but maybe it lasted too long (unless others attacked you which you didn't clarify). And if you haven't had any other anger bursts in other cases it's probably just nothing. 

Another thing that might happen is that you're not very in touch with your emotions in normal situations so in that moment you felt so much in so little time that you didn't know how to control and calm it. I don't know if that's the case necessarily, that's up to you to do some introspection and decide. Anyone would kinda lose it that moment so don't think that it wasn't normal. I think I would probably try to do something similar in your place though I'd fail miserably due to my size.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

Acknowledge it's existence when each of us may possess this side, repression or 'killing' alone does not work one also has focus on self awareness and how best to maintain assertiveness, boundaries and body language that will often convey more in place of aggression. To put it bluntly yours was a more extreme case that most will not experience to such a degree, however unlike some known before your own internal compass was able to differentiate men from women or those not a threat even during deep rage.

As you note it remains a personal choice you alone can make if you ever reach this point again, when you do not convey pride or seek respect which in itself is a plus too when so many wear things as a badge of courage or 'respect' in place of true personal character.


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## iisu (Mar 8, 2014)

I saw your thread in the INTJ forum. Is this thread somewhat related to that one? You seem worried about that type 8 thing. Don't pay so much attention to those numbers, many descriptions are exaggerated and sometimes pretty far from real life. No number by itself makes you a potential psycho. You know who you are, and it shouldn't depend of different theories.

About this situation. I've never experienced situations like this, so all my thoughts have no practical basis (and I don't understand what "put me in a full nelson" and "the e.r" mean), but anyway.

It looks like you are lost at this, so it has probably never happened before. If so, I don't see any problems here. The situation you described was out of ordinary and it could obviously be dangerous for your relatives. You reacted in an out of ordinary way to it and successfully made sure they didn't get hurt. 

If you don't act like this in daily life (and it looks like you don't) then I don't think you should bother killing some side of you.


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## Thomas60 (Aug 7, 2011)

They deserved it
You dished it
Being empathic would only make you less likely to succeed

It's not about pride, it's about having the power to avoid or change bad circumstances. Just because you don't like the last resort, doesn't mean you get to avoid using it when necessary.


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

I haven't really written back you any of you yet because I am just not sure what to say. This isn't something I have ever openly expressed to anyone. I figured maybe strangers would look at the info with unbiased eyes. 

Thank you all. I think I may find some resolve in this. 

And yes I did take all those personality tests so that I could prove I wasn't psychotic. 

Granted they are generalized... but it did give me the directions I was looking for. As did you all. 

Thank you.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

You protected your family. It's an instinctive response. Adrenaline flowed, and you reacted.


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## Direct (May 12, 2014)

I wish I could do that. 
If i understood it correctly, you attacked 11 guys, and fuck them up? HAHAHA. That is my dream man.


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## Chesire Tower (Jan 19, 2013)

Is your concern that you have out of control anger issues since you said that the cops labeled you "dangerous" ; so is the concern that your actions while clearly justified, were nevertheless _overkill_? I don't honestly know but if you're genuine worried about this, you may want to speak to a therapist about it.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

doineed1 said:


> Was I in the right? I think so. I would never let my loved ones be hurt.


To be it seems that definitely not.

But maybe you left out a ton of details.


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## yippy (May 21, 2014)

Fight or flight. Plus you said you were INTJ. Which means inferior F. Breakthrough of the inferior function is always primal, raw and not easily controlled. If anything...if you wish to control your anger more you should become more in touch with your feelings. Develop that F.


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

emberfly said:


> To be it seems that definitely not.
> 
> Yes I guess I did.. well I did not throw the first punch.. and they kept coming for me. I did not start the fight... I did not prolong it. I only reacted to what was given to me...


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

yip1205 said:


> Fight or flight. Plus you said you were INTJ. Which means inferior F. Breakthrough of the inferior function is always primal, raw and not easily controlled. If anything...if you wish to control your anger more you should become more in touch with your feelings. Develop that F.



Well see that's the thing.. I know anger and this was not anger.. it was nothing.. cold empty.. blank.. nothing. 

Anger I can control.. what can you do with nothing?


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

Direct said:


> I wish I could do that.
> If i understood it correctly, you attacked 11 guys, and fuck them up? HAHAHA. That is my dream man.


Actually they attacked me. And if you want to know how to win against multiple people... here. 

Understanding there motivation is key. They are more than likely doing for there ego. That means that they want to do some glory shots and be done with it. Also they expect you to hold still or run.. k..

Now since they are many and you are one. You have the upper hand. They will spend most of there energy avoiding one another. They will be sloppy and off balance. 

So what you have to do is stick and move. Tripping and pushing are more effective than punching. Also do not I repeat do not go to the ground. 

Now you have a basic understanding of defending against a mob.


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## yippy (May 21, 2014)

@doineed1 You said that you first had a huge burst of emotions and after that....you felt cold. Perhaps you had so many emotions....and they were so raw....that you could not identify them at that time, like you sort of experienced alexithymia for a little while.

Also: you seem to have an understanding of how to defend yourself against a mob. I believe that some soldiers report feeling emotionally callous when they are in battle, but I am not entirely sure about this so....

Anyway: I don't think you have to worry about being psychotic because violence in psychotic people is aimed at their delusions (hallucinations) and its a rather chaotic type of violence. You are also not a psychopath because then you would have experienced emotional coldness from birth basically.


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

I hadn't thought about comparing it to war before. I guess you are right. I think I will Google that!! 

I was private security once. Understanding a mob is important. 

And I am not sure what happened with my emotions. I will think about what you said though for sure.


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

Well aperantly what I felt is the zone.. yes that horrible feeling is what coaches attempt to teach children at a young age in sports.. wtf.. that was one horrible feeling.


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## Dragunov (Oct 2, 2013)

Your telling me you entered an elevated state of mind and beat up 11 people? Did they run at you in a line? Where they 12 yr olds or what? and you have this on video? 


Assuming the unlikely scenario is true, you morally did nothing wrong but you broke the law in supposedly sending 4 people to hospital. That's four counts of Grievous bodily harm and aggravated assault.


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## Dao (Sep 13, 2013)

I recommend the _Dhammapada_ and other Buddhist works, as well as the _Nichomachean Ethics_. You needn't subscribe to either Buddhism or Aristotelianism to absorb the positive aspects in these writings.

I also recommend looking into how to avoid situations where you will be likely to be react in the way you did. Fifteen people threatening you and your grandmother? Something is wrong about that situation and it isn't merely because those people have a bad attitude. Drop any acquaintances and habits you have that are bad news and travel wisely. Your fight-or-flight response was either engaged or it wasn't; be that as it may, some unfortunate situations are avoidable and therefore entering into them does not and will not lend credit to you.


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

No they did not run at me in a line. It was more of a swarm. The age range was 21-40. And yes I have a copy on a flash drive.

And you may be right on the law.. i don't know. I am not a lawyer. That being said if I was.. I wouldn't want to try and take that case to trial. What jury would convict a man who was being jumped.. regardless of any law. 


Actually defending myself was not because of my state of mind. My state of mind was my reason for sharing this in the hopes of find some direction.

Also you don't have to believe me. I am not here to change who you are or what you think. I am just a guy who got a little lost.


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## yippy (May 21, 2014)

@doineed1 Well at least you know you are sane. Just....don't mix zoning and agression.... roud:


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

yip1205 said:


> @doineed1 Well at least you know you are sane. Just....don't mix zoning and agression.... roud:


I agree. I am going to avoid both for sure.


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

Irondust said:


> I recommend the _Dhammapada_ and other Buddhist works, as well as the _Nichomachean Ethics_. You needn't subscribe to either Buddhism or Aristotelianism to absorb the positive aspects in these writings.
> 
> I also recommend looking into how to avoid situations where you will be likely to be react in the way you did. Fifteen people threatening you and your grandmother? Something is wrong about that situation and it isn't merely because those people have a bad attitude. Drop any acquaintances and habits you have that are bad news and travel wisely. Your fight-or-flight response was either engaged or it wasn't; be that as it may, some unfortunate situations are avoidable and therefore entering into them does not and will not lend credit to you.


I agree with you 110% about all of that. 

And I recently moved away from that town. It was a small town and some how I guess that group of people decided I was going to be the object of there affection. Just that one time I wasn't a position to avoid them. 

Since moving I have for the most part disconnected from all the people I met while I was there.


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## JustBob31459 (Apr 7, 2014)

You protected what you loved. There is no wrong it that. you didn't do it out of hate, you did it out of justice, cold, clean.
Their is no blame to you; and if I was in your place I would have acted the same and would felt no remorse. There is no remorse or guilt to be felt.
It is sad that it had to happen, but sad things happen in life.
You don't need to kill that side of you, it represents love, protections and love; it stands for justice, for all you believe in. Let that side be. accept it. You did what was right, no need to have nightmares about it, or to question it. Also trust that, that side will only come out in situations that ask for it in there justice. You are not going to beat up anyone innocent, trust in this.

A psycho wouldn't have acted that way, a psycho wouldn't have cared for their family. A psycho would have acted the way he was in least harm. You went into eleven people to protect what is dear to you. You are just a man with power and a sense of justice, who isn't afraid and doesn't back down when action is needed.

Now let it go. You are so much more than that.


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## xisnotx (Mar 20, 2014)

doineed1 said:


> Intj type 8.
> 
> I will give you a scenario to better understand my issue.
> 
> ...


kill it? you need to embrace it.

i know what you're talking about. i have that same "side". 99% of the time...i'm the nicest guy you'd ever meet. but there are certain lines that...if crossed...my mind turns blank, my veins run cold, and it's not a good day for anyone involved. i don't even know what i'm capable of, to be honest. it's cool that you have an idea, at least..

just learn to turn it off, maybe...and also when it is important for you to let it happen.


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## doineed1 (May 25, 2014)

Actually there are supposed to be exercises for it in sports psychology.. I plan on reading into it. 

And its nice to meet someone else who knows what I am talking about.


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