# NT Women and Online Dating



## MCK (Jun 19, 2015)

So for the last few months I've been trying online dating.

Its fun, but as an ENTP I think meeting people in real life is better. Online tends to level the playing field, whatever makes an ENTP different is basically nullified.

The majority of women I have met were by far SF's, then followed by a few ST's. 

I've met no NF's and out of the NT's I've only met two INTP's. 

The lack of N's has been noticeable though.

I'm wondering, as an NT woman, what your thoughts on online dating? Does it work for you or do you prefer more real social interactions?


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## peter pettishrooms (Apr 20, 2015)

Generally I'm really old-fashioned and prefer to meet people offline. Unfortunately, meeting someone through this method has proven to be more difficult because most have been random encounters. And my friends are very bad at playing matchmaker. So I have to keep an open mind about online dating. The only app I tried was tinder and I couldn't even last a month on that stupid app. I did have a nice chat with a cute lady on there for about a week. Then out of nowhere she goes, "Yeah and I've got TWO KIDS!" I deleted my account after that.


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## Exquisitor (Sep 15, 2015)

I love online dating, because I can go through so many profiles and filter people so easily, without all the stress of a lot of social interaction. I find it easy to talk about myself online, bypass my social anxiety in the tricky initial stages of making friends, and get a quick idea of how articulate someone is in writing, which tends to correlate with other qualities that I value in people. It's really helpful for me to see what someone's writing is like. Also, I find a lot of intuitive introverts tend to be a more active proportion of the online population, so I have better chances of meeting someone I'll instantly click with.


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## Schema B (Aug 9, 2015)

In my younger, freewheeling years? Yeah, but I blame my own youthful naiveté. After one particularly bad ending to a relationship that began online, I threw in the towel and rediscovered the joy of observing humans in their natural habitat. The connections made in real life can be wonderful... and damn hard to replicate when all you're looking at is words on a screen for starters.

Meaningful connection, for me, could only be discerned in real life.


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## MCK (Jun 19, 2015)

I think the lack of interest in this thread confirms my suspicions. For the most part intuitives will prefer real life to online dating. Its interesting that the only responses were from INTJ's.



acidicwithpanic said:


> The only app I tried was tinder and I couldn't even last a month on that stupid app.


Most frustrating app ever! I have a habit of wanting to hack the nature of the dating site I'm on and learn how the pyschology works. Tinder is so basic in its premise that it just gets irritating.



Exquisitor said:


> I love online dating, because I can go through so many profiles and filter people so easily, without all the stress of a lot of social interaction. ... Also, I find a lot of intuitive introverts tend to be a more active proportion of the online population, so I have better chances of meeting someone I'll instantly click with.


I can understand how online dating would be beneficial if you wanted to bypass the social anxiety. I think you are lucky that you have found intuitives. I've found two INTP's, that's it. One was married and looking to cheat on her husband, the other was probably the most introverted person I have met. She had never really met another intuitive before, she found the idea that there were other people like her in the world unbelievable.



CroolUniqorn said:


> I threw in the towel and rediscovered the joy of observing humans in their natural habitat. The connections made in real life can be wonderful... and damn hard to replicate when all you're looking at is words on a screen for starters.


This resonates with me a lot. In fact this is why I put this thread together. Online dating is fun but the vast amount of visual input that intuitives rely on just isn't there on a screen.


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## Ne Plus Ultra (May 18, 2015)

Exquisitor said:


> I love online dating, because I can go through so many profiles and filter people so easily, without all the stress of a lot of social interaction. I find it easy to talk about myself online, bypass my social anxiety in the tricky initial stages of making friends, and get a quick idea of how articulate someone is in writing, which tends to correlate with other qualities that I value in people. It's really helpful for me to see what someone's writing is like. Also, I find a lot of intuitive introverts tend to be a more active proportion of the online population, so I have better chances of meeting someone I'll instantly click with.


This. So much this. And I'm an INTP.

By the way, @MCK, don't sell yourself short. I, for one, can definitely pick up on an Ne dom by reading their dating profile. It's not just words on a page. Ne doms usually make those words come to life. ENxP profiles tend to be vibrant, witty, intelligent, educated, accomplished, and a little zany in the best possible way. The joie de vivre absolutely shines through. Actually, I find them one of the easiest types to pick out on dating sites. 

I'm sorry you're finding a lot of SFs, but of course they _are_ the majority of the female population.

Also, I've never used Tinder, but from what I understand, it caters to the hook-up culture, so the focus there is on pics, not personality. Probably the most personality-driven site is OK Cupid, but I would think any site is better than Tinder in that regard.


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## Catwalk (Aug 12, 2015)

Well, 

I used to harbor the same thing about online dating when I first started - which was, its easier. 

Which it is, on some regards - but after trying out online dating, and going on many dates, I was seeing a pattern which was that it was hard to determine their general interests in me.


I also found that many men dating online would lie about their feelings, until meeting in person. Online dating is nice, but I prefer the old fashioned way.

At least I know they REALLY want my number and have an interest. Also the first encounter was already in person, so that stage is passed automatically. A lengthy discussion usually happens in person. 


For example, before I give out my number to guys that approach me in public they usually have stood conversing with me for awhile. I don't give my number to guys that randomly come up to me without any conversation - just general physical interest because it would likely be useless for the both of us.

After meeting up with people online, after talking on the phone and conversing through ''texting'' and lengthy paragraphs online, I meet them in person and I find myself not as attracted to them or vice versa. 

Then we are left with what once was, a close connection and suddenly no desire to continue the relationship which results in heartbreaks and confusion on his part.

''Why did you stop talking to me? '' After 2 months of 'getting' to know each other via text. 

In person, I can actively decide right away whether or not to pursue this person or give them my number to further contact and it seems less disappointing - since we don't start off intense with no connection, but no connection and growing intense.

As an INTJ female, I am unfamiliar with my emotions and feelings - so I become rather sensitive in relationships (not friendships); it is HARD for me to catch feelings and express them, but once they are caught I let down all gaurds, which makes me stupid and illogical and puts me in a strange foreign vulnerable environment. I am vulnerable in my feelings because I don't normally invest in them in many situations. It's not my ''go to'' - its always a second resort. Which means, when I put them first, and HAVE to - I don't appreciate people fucking with them. Safely said, I don't tolerate mind games, that is I like a solid and clear-cut general interest, I don't have time for heartbreak and petty guessing games.


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## MCK (Jun 19, 2015)

Ne Plus Ultra said:


> I, for one, can definitely pick up on an Ne dom by reading their dating profile. It's not just words on a page. Ne doms usually make those words come to life.


I completely agree with you! The conversations I had with the INTP's took off at a million miles an hour, it was easy. In fact with one of them it became a problem, we found it really hard to stop chatting.


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## MCK (Jun 19, 2015)

Flamingo said:


> I used to harbor the same thing about online dating when I first started - which was, its easier....
> After meeting up with people online, after talking on the phone and conversing through ''texting'' and lengthy paragraphs online, I meet them in person and I find myself not as attracted to them or vice versa.
> Then we are left with what once was, a close connection and suddenly no desire to continue the relationship which results in heartbreaks and confusion on his part.
> ''Why did you stop talking to me? '' After 2 months of 'getting' to know each other via text.


I'm starting to think harder is better, then again, in real life most of the ladies I end up chatting to are EN's and I thoroughly enjoyed my interactions with INT's, who it seems I will be more likely to meet online. Perhaps its best not to throw the baby out with the bathwater....

As to your second point, I created the same problems you had. Now any person I spend time chatting to online...will remain online. If I like you, I'll invite you out within a day, it avoids building up a false impression early on.


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## Marvin the Dendroid (Sep 10, 2015)

There's loveforwits.com. Funny, but doesn't have a lot of members. I've only had relationships that started online, but none through a dating site.


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## Ne Plus Ultra (May 18, 2015)

I should also mention that there are a couple of Myers-Briggs/Socionics/Enneagram dating sites, but they're not well populated, either. Wish they were.

Project Evolove
TypeTango


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## marybluesky (Apr 23, 2012)

MCK said:


> I'm wondering, as an NT woman, what your thoughts on online dating? Does it work for you or do you prefer more real social interactions?


Online dating doesn`t work for me. I met people through it before- not "online dating" sites but FB & other software, and had no motivation to continue the relationship. I "need" real social, face to face interactions before I date someone. I know I have a much narrower selection because this days people are so into internet and stuff, but as I don`t feel natural & comfortable with someone whom I meet through internet, keeping up doing it is a waste of time. I`m not either into blind dating. My first preference is meeting each other in work, university,clubs or every other social function where you don`t primarily go in purpose of finding a date. Then, meeting in friends circles, ex: getting to know my friend`s friend when hanging out, not being merely introduced.


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## Prada (Sep 10, 2015)

I used to really like online dating when I had social anxiety. It also seems like the more logical option (profile => easier to filter people with similar interests in shorter amount of time) but people are very illogical creatures. Nowadays, I consider it a drag. It never brought me anything but pain (and a friend who broke my heart in a really nasty way) and a lot of time and energy spent on girls who stopped talking to me without a reason. But I don't regret it as it gave me very important life lessons. Even if painful.


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## INTJ Killed July (May 2, 2015)

MCK said:


> So for the last few months I've been trying online dating.
> 
> Its fun, but as an ENTP I think meeting people in real life is better. Online tends to level the playing field, whatever makes an ENTP different is basically nullified.
> 
> ...



It seems extroverts don't really hang out in the places that I frequent online, and this has turned me off of online dating for quite sometime. Ive had my profile on OKCupid forever, and I don't think I've ever gotten approached by a extrovert, of any kind.

I love the convenience, but as Im getting older Im starting to see that most people that do online dating have certain characteristics that I don't particularly want in a lover, or partner.


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## Flamme et Citron (Aug 26, 2015)

You can't get a good gut feeling of someone online. The human contact is missing.


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## Doran Seth (Apr 4, 2015)

I realize this thread is meant for women but I'll add my opinion anyway.

I like online dating sites, but I understand why some would be averse to the idea of finding a date online. In my opinion it has its benefits and drawbacks like any other way of meeting people to date. If someone wants to date and doesn't find many opportunities in his or her life, then I think it can be a great option. I guess if you have distinct qualities you are looking for in a date that you only feel could be perceived in person, then reading profiles and preliminary messaging online can't give you that. But as others said I think it can still be a useful filter.

I guess I like it because it cuts out most of the awkwardness (read: work) of trying get dates in my normal day to day life. There's no "Is she single? Does she like me? Does she know I like her? Are we even compatible?" etc. Quite a few of the dates I've been on (not saying I've had a lot, but a high percentage of the ones I have had), started with this sort of back and forth playfulness that became increasingly romantic over time while we got to know each other better until one of us asked the other out. Some of those relationships fell apart almost immediately.

For me, with online dating, if I message someone or they message me, it's a dating site so it's pretty much obvious what the nature of the correspondence is. If two people hit it off then a few messages in they are likely making dating plans. The date may still be an unmitigated disaster but at least the whole event took place over a few days as opposed to weeks or months.

But hey, that's just my view of it regarding myself and my preferences. I'm a college student so what do I know about life and love anyway?


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## ashleysummer (Aug 5, 2015)

I really love online dating! Being quite shy person, it`s easier for me to communicate via the Internet. I feel awkward around strange men (even though I'm decent looking). Recently, I've registered on bridge-of-love.com . I've never seen so many beautiful people at one place.


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## adultchildofalieninvaders (Aug 29, 2014)

MCK said:


> So for the last few months I've been trying online dating.
> 
> Its fun, but as an ENTP I think meeting people in real life is better. Online tends to level the playing field, whatever makes an ENTP different is basically nullified.
> 
> ...


I have had amazing successes with OkCupid, where I've been a member since they first started, although with a few different profiles.

I've made friends for life (11 years and counting with my oldest friend from OkC, we live in different countries but meet up every few years or so-- he actually just walked out of my front door a few hours ago), sourced local produce (!), had a lot of good talks, given a number of city tours to visitors, gone on many pleasant dates, uhm... found my husband there too. And my boyfriend!

My good experiences are, I think, in part because it was clear to me from the beginning that I have no interest in appealing to the masses. My profile reflects who I am to a fairly good degree, warts and all-- I say up front that I'm cranky and impatient, for example. And although I like to talk with people until the cows come home (I've had amazing chats with people!) I don't bother messaging anyone unless I think we have a good chance of connecting on that level.

Unlike most women online, most of the friendships and relationships that grew from OkCupid were initiated by me messaging the other person-- I'm very proactive about approaching people I think I could click with. But like most women, I also don't bother with responding to most of my messages, my inbox is a verifiable cesspool at times. And what's not disturbingly explicit is often annoying and pointless: why would I want to say "hi" back to somebody with a blank profile?

So, yes, online dating has worked out really well for me, I think in part because my approach has been "let's put something out there and see what comes up". I'm not and have never been desperate for dates or relationships, I just think of this as an additional way of meeting interesting people.


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## MCK (Jun 19, 2015)

adultchildofalieninvaders said:


> My good experiences are, I think, in part because it was clear to me from the beginning that I have no interest in appealing to the masses. My profile reflects who I am to a fairly good degree, warts and all


Thats so weird, I was thinking about this yesterday.

My profile does exactly the same thing...It weeds out the masses. I had a normal profile for about two weeks, got the hell in with it and then wrote a flippen essay...

Its long, like a page or two long, and its pretty much like having a conversation with me.... If you are going to hang around me, you are going to get teased...a lot! So the profile starts with teasing out the blocks...If you are offended, cheers! If you dont have a sense of humour, you are gone by the second paragraph and if you aren't going to be interesting to chat to, there is just no way you will make it to the end.

When I contact women, its hit or miss, but when a woman contacts me...it usually works well because she has made it through my profile already...I've had everything from women writing essays back to me to others saying 'are you for real?', one even called me vain but she still hung around to chat, it does seem to get a reaction from the right kind of women though, the very best are the ones who carry on with some part of the banter from the profile.



adultchildofalieninvaders said:


> why would I want to say "hi" back to somebody with a blank profile?


When woman send me winks or send me a 'hi!' and they have blank profiles I usually ask them if they go into a bar, find a guy they like, buy him a drink, then hide under the table while he wanders round the bar looking for her?


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## adultchildofalieninvaders (Aug 29, 2014)

@MCK, and now I'm really curious-- are you on OkC by any chance?


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