# Homecoming



## Eyeland Man (Oct 28, 2009)

I stumbled upon this sight while looking for a quick cure for social retardation, and decided this might be more helpful. Impulsive action led me to ask a really cute girl to our High School Homecoming dance. I really don't know if I regret the decision yet, but it is starting to look that way. When I asked her she was incredibly exited, and I was happy that I found the courage to do it. I guess it would help if I mentioned that I am not entirely comfortable with my appearance. I tend to become really anxious and insecure around any women I consider attractive. Lately this has been the biggest problem since I can hardly talk to my date let alone hug, or even touch her without becoming sexually aroused/on the verge of a panic attack. I'm considering telling her I can't make it, but I know that would hurt her feelings. As the day approaches it seems she is uncovering my fragile ability to hold conversation.

I have no idea what to do and I'm loosing a massive amount of sleep over it. I really want to go and I would hate to disappoint her, but I don't know if I can keep myself together. Does anyone know of a quick fix way to become an extrovert or something like that? One of my friends suggested drugs (like pot) to keep me cool. He had the misfortune of witnessing a conversation between myself and my possible date. (He found me afterwords hyperventilating and said my face looked like a red sun dried prune) I haven't done drugs yet. I sort of want to keep my record clean, but if I have to I will. Sorry I made this so long. Can anyone help me?!?


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## LadyJava (Oct 26, 2008)

How about some legal drugs? Do you have time to get to a doctor and get something to help with your anxiety?

Also, try to build yourself up with some positive talk. It can be helpful to post some affirmations on your mirror and read them out loud while you look at yourself a few times a day. Some suggestions:

I attract people with my positive outlook.

I am a competent and worthy person.

I am able to stay calm in any situation.

You can tailor them to your own needs. There are a lot of sites you can find to help with this, try a search on "positive affirmations." 

Don't let this girl down. You can do it! Try to visualize yourself conversing easily and having a good time. Good luck!


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Dude you already got past the hard part. The hard part is actually asking her and getting her to say yes. If she said yes you're already in. Don't worry, be calm. Just go and things will take care of themself.


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## PeacePassion (Jun 9, 2009)

can you translate your nervousness to excitement? maybe take the pressure off yourself by remembering that she's nervous and excited too.


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## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

Masturbate privately before going anywhere with her so you won't be sexually frustrated the whole time.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

snail said:


> Masturbate privately before going anywhere with her so you won't be sexually frustrated the whole time.


Hahahaha go Snail.


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## Eyeland Man (Oct 28, 2009)

TurranMC said:


> Don't worry, be calm. Just go and things will take care of themself.


I don't know how to be calm around women at all. I just lock up, sweat, and turn red. I don't know what it is, but the more I think about it the more angry I get. This never used to be a problem for me. I was not even aware of it until last year or so when someone was interested in me. Some of the most solid advice I have found in past hour is to practice and get comfortable, but I have a strict time frame to work with. Maybe I should go hire someone to mess up her face or something, so that I don't feel so stupid... I'm only kidding of course, but seriously! How do people talk to the opposite sex while staying cool? The only way I can describe it would be to imagine a trance. I talk for say 5 minutes then I become lucid, out of the spell, and I realize how stupid I was. 

For example:

Girl: "Hey whats up?"
Me: "Oh not much just.....-auto pilot engage-...blah blah blah" 
*Time elapses without notice*
Girl:"Ok see you later!"
Me (thinking to myself): Ahh, that went well. -realization occurs- Oh wtf? Why did I tell her about my hemroids? I suck... 

And yes this happened once. I shit you not... no pun intended. -facedesk-


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

All the ways you've described yourself aren't necessarily negative. Some girls like shy and/or nervous guys. Just go and be yourself. The more you worry about it the more it becomes a problem. The solution is to NOT worry. Either things will go great or they won't. There is no way to know except by going.


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## Eyeland Man (Oct 28, 2009)

If things stay the way they are I will be going. Although, I was hoping to find someway to subdue my anxiety even if only temporarily. I will definitely masturbate, thanks snail, and try not to worry. I'm going to keep looking for alternatives that stay clean and don't require a lot of time. I appreciate your help guys and I'll make sure to let you know how it goes. I still need to get a suit, corsage or w/e it is, and some shoes. I'm thinking I'll take the opportunity to ask her for help if she wants to tag along (like a practice run for the dance). Thanks again! I feel a little more prepared.


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## TurranMC (Sep 15, 2009)

Asking her to come along is a great idea. Like I said, just be yourself. Either it will work or it won't. Everything will fall into place.


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## Lepthe (Oct 26, 2009)

hey! congratulations.

you might want to look up some stuff about panic attacks and how people deal with them. affirmations and masturbation will work. another MAJOR thing to keep in mind is your breathing. seriously - when you start getting nervous its common to start breathing faster, almost hyperventilating. this makes you feel lightheaded and disconnected which only makes you feel more nervous, which makes you breath and freak out even more. that kind of response is a downward spiral, triggering other fear responses. it's amazing how effective being aware of and controlling your breathing can be to stop the avalanche. also, stay away from stimulants like caffeine, and i wouldn't suggest trying any new drugs. you don't know how they will affect you, and could make the nervousness worse. 

other things to keep in mind: 

- watch out for other stress responses like tense muscles

- she wouldn't be going with you if she didn't want to. you are already doing something right!

- although it seems obvious to you, she is probably NOT noticing how freaked out you. sure, you look nervous, but she doesn't know how much. and she is probably pretty nervous, too. 

- no matter how freaked out you get, nothing truly terrible will happen. you know what WILL happen? it will eventually end. and it will only get easier. 

- while it's happening, remember: nothing that bad is happening right now. these are just annoying physical responses that you are doing to yourself. you are doing just fine (even though its uncomfortable) you have been brave before and being brave now will pay off. 

- have some prepared questions that you are actually interested in. if you don't feel like you can talk or entertain well at that moment - hey! you don't HAVE to! most people like to talk about themselves more anyway. get her talking and actually listen.

- and finally: she is not some supreme goddess or forbidden fruit. she's just a person like you or your friends. stop worrying about how much she likes you, and take the opportunity to get to know her and decide if YOU like her. being female and attractive is NOT the most important thing about her. 

hope that helps!


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## Eyeland Man (Oct 28, 2009)

Hey there everyone. I know this is a very very delayed response (only about a year late), but things went well. That is actually a severe understatement, everything went great  She became, and still is my first girlfriend and gave me my first and only kiss. We do everything together and I am always trying to think of new ways to impress her. I even asked her to prom! I painted my invitation on a huge sheet of blank paper, gave her flowers, and played/sang a song for her. I have made a lot of progress. Starting this relationship was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it has also brought me the greatest joy I have ever known. We have been together for almost a year now and life couldn't be better. To anyone who may be having second thoughts about taking a risk, I say go for it. It reminds me of the Brendan Francis quote, " Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them." If you are a friend of a loser like me, I beg you to give them a little push to try something new. They will most likely wind up thanking you for it later. So, thank you all so much for that little bit of encouragement. It made a world of difference, and without it I might not be the incredibly happy and thankful man that I am today, cheers


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## Heuristyx (Sep 20, 2010)

Eyeland Man said:


> I stumbled upon this sight while looking for a quick cure for social retardation, and decided this might be more helpful. Impulsive action led me to ask a really cute girl to our High School Homecoming dance. I really don't know if I regret the decision yet, but it is starting to look that way. When I asked her she was incredibly exited, and I was happy that I found the courage to do it. I guess it would help if I mentioned that I am not entirely comfortable with my appearance. I tend to become really anxious and insecure around any women I consider attractive. Lately this has been the biggest problem since I can hardly talk to my date let alone hug, or even touch her without becoming sexually aroused/on the verge of a panic attack. I'm considering telling her I can't make it, but I know that would hurt her feelings. As the day approaches it seems she is uncovering my fragile ability to hold conversation.
> 
> I have no idea what to do and I'm loosing a massive amount of sleep over it. I really want to go and I would hate to disappoint her, but I don't know if I can keep myself together. Does anyone know of a quick fix way to become an extrovert or something like that? One of my friends suggested drugs (like pot) to keep me cool. He had the misfortune of witnessing a conversation between myself and my possible date. (He found me afterwords hyperventilating and said my face looked like a red sun dried prune) I haven't done drugs yet. I sort of want to keep my record clean, but if I have to I will. Sorry I made this so long. Can anyone help me?!?


Drugging yourself would just band-aid your underlying issue. You will have to face these sort of situations at some point, so you might as well do it now. I don't think the issue is that you're an introvert. I think you're just shy and uncomfortable.

Keep reminding yourself that she said yes. She wants to go with you. You say you're not entirely comfortable with your appearance. Unless the girl is blind... she knows what you look like. And she said yes. So it's all good.

A good way to turn a girl off is to need drugs to make the time with her pass faster, imo. Sends a negative message.

Oh, and by the way, why do you think it's a bad thing that she turns you on? She should find it flattering... don't most women?


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