# Trolling and being extremely disrespectful



## kittenmogu (Jun 19, 2014)

@School:

Would you say that you have sociopathic tendencies (lack of empathy being one) or see yourself in the description of ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)? If you feel that it would be a valid point, it would be the thing to bring up. TBH it's the first thing I thought of when I read your OP. Was hesitant to bring it up at first because I'm a layman + didn't want to jump to conclusions. But in all honestly it's looking to be a possibility.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

kittenmogu said:


> Would you say that you have sociopathic tendencies (lack of empathy being one) or see yourself in the description of ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)? If you feel that it would be a valid point, it would be the thing to bring up. TBH it's the first thing I thought of when I read your OP. Was hesitant to bring it up at first because I'm a layman + didn't want to jump to conclusions. But in all honestly it's looking to be a possibility.


Not really. Because I can be the most caring, loving person you'll ever meet. I often help people without even letting them know about it. I can also be the complete opposite. I don't know what would make me care about someone or what would make me... not care at all (it's not my mood). I like people. I like to help them, I like to use them, I like to do whatever I want with them. I like it when they're happy, I like it when they're sad. I just don't like it when they're weak, unless I can use that for fun.


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## kittenmogu (Jun 19, 2014)

School said:


> Not really. Because I can be the most caring, loving person you'll ever meet. I often help people without even letting them know about it. I can also be the complete opposite. I don't know what would make me care about someone or what would make me... not care at all (it's not my mood). I like people. I like to help them, I like to use them, I like to do whatever I want with them. I like it when they're happy, I like it when they're sad. I just don't like it when they're weak, unless I can use that for fun.


Mmmm I didn't ask if you were a misanthrope. Sociopathy and misanthropy are not inherently related or the same. "I like to use them. I like to do whatever I want with them." Honestly those aren't inherently linked to liking people-- it's an implication that you have no problem manipulating others or viewing people not as people. It doesn't mean you are incapable of caring about or liking things.



> A) There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three or more of the following:
> failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by *repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest*;
> deception, as indicated by repeatedly lying,* use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure*;
> *impulsivity* or failure to plan ahead;
> ...


I'm getting that you're under 18 so you couldn't be diagnosed yet. I'm also not a psychiatrist or anything but I can certainly read this list and relate it to some of the things you've said you have done. I quoted that from the link I provided so I'm wondering if you even bothered to read that or not.

My ex-roommate could've possibly been a sociopath. She was kind to me specifically, but it didn't negate her sociopathic tendencies. You may want to read up on what a sociopath actually is. What characterizes one is a lack of empathy or remorse. Do you care about people beyond their usefulness to you?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

kittenmogu said:


> Mmmm I didn't ask if you were a misanthrope. Sociopathy and misanthropy are not inherently related or the same. "I like to use them. I like to do whatever I want with them." Honestly those aren't inherently linked to liking people-- it's an implication that you have no problem manipulating others or viewing people not as people. It doesn't mean you are incapable of caring about or liking things.
> 
> I'm getting that you're under 18 so you couldn't be diagnosed yet. I'm also not a psychiatrist or anything but I can certainly read this list and relate it to some of the things you've said you have done.


The thing is, I can be filled with regret/remorse (sorry not exactly sure which one is correct to use here) for things too. For example one time, our class went on a trip to this beach or something. (I'm really not sure what to call it, it wasn't just a beach). I was bored and said something like "this sucks". I still regret that. Think about all the effort they put into that, think about all the planning. They wanted to be nice and I said that. This happened many years ago and it still makes me feel bad. 
The things I wrote about here are different though. As I said, I don't really know why. I can be nice, I can be bad. It all depends, but I don't know on what.


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## kittenmogu (Jun 19, 2014)

School said:


> The thing is, I can be filled with regret/remorse (sorry not exactly sure which one is correct to use here) for things too. For example one time, our class went on a trip to this beach or something. (I'm really not sure what to call it, it wasn't just a beach). I was bored and said something like "this sucks". I still regret that. Think about all the effort they put into that, think about all the planning. They wanted to be nice and I said that. This happened many years ago and it still makes me feel bad.
> The things I wrote about here are different though. As I said, I don't really know why. I can be nice, I can be bad. It all depends, but I don't know on what.


Alright. Ultimately I don't think I'm qualified to tell you what the problem is, even if you give me all the information you possibly could about yourself. I once more encourage you to get professional help-- when you are of age, as you mentioned that your age + the system complicates things. You mentioned that you were pondering it, here's me re-emphasizing my vote. Because at the very least I can tell this is the sort of problem that will be hard to gain perspective on, get real advice and real help on, get understanding on, without someone who actually knows what the heckies they are doing.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

kittenmogu said:


> Alright. Ultimately I don't think I'm qualified to tell you what the problem is, even if you give me all the information you possibly could about yourself. I once more encourage you to get professional help-- when you are of age, as you mentioned that your age + the system complicates things. You mentioned that you were pondering it, here's me re-emphasizing my vote. Because at the very least I can tell this is the sort of problem that will be hard to gain perspective on, get real advice and real help on, get understanding on, without someone who actually knows what the heckies they are doing.


I guess... but then I'll have to wait until I'm 18. But yeah, it's unfair to put this on you random members of PerC. I don't know if I'd want that though, as it wouldn't be possible to stay _anonymous_. Well, I guess I'm never really anonymous as it probably wouldn't be difficult to find my IP address...


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Maybe it has to do with control? Maybe you feel out of control in your life, or with your happiness and you search for control elsewhere, controlling other people's emotions? Or it doesn't need to be related to their emotions. Have you ever thought "How would I feel if someone derived pleasure out of making me sad?" 

Have you tried befriending someone on that site? Maybe then you'd feel more compassion?

also I'm just curious but why aren't you a troll here?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> Maybe it has to do with control? Maybe you feel out of control in your life, or with your happiness and you search for control elsewhere, controlling other people's emotions? Or it doesn't need to do related to their emotions. Have you ever thought "How would I feel if someone derived pleasure out of making me sad?"
> 
> Have you tried befriending someone on that site? Maybe then you'd feel more compassion?
> 
> also I'm just curious but why aren't you a troll here?


Yeah, it's probably a little about control. Or, I don't know if that's really right, I mean... I don't know. 
That's happened a few times. I've pretty much gotten used to it. I don't really care anymore. 

I actually have friends there. Some people don't use the forum so they don't see me, some of them actually likes what I write and some... I don't know. I do have friends there though. 

Well, I'm still kind of new here. I just don't want to. Also, I don't know how I'd do that. And one more thing, there's even a spam section. It would just be stupid to be a troll here.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> Yeah, it's probably a little about control. Or, I don't know if that's really right, I mean... I don't know.
> That's happened a few times. I've pretty much gotten used to it. I don't really care anymore.
> 
> I actually have friends there. Some people don't use the forum so they don't see me, some of them actually likes what I write and some... I don't know. I do have friends there though.
> ...


:sad: Well, I don't really know what to say... I've experience people who I thought derived pleasure from other people's misery and didn't care but it's still a bit shocking because no one has ever admitted it like you did and since you sort of know it's bad / from talking to you I believe that you can be sweet / feel sorry. You sort of don't care about what you're doing even though you got in serious trouble but that still doesn't derail you (even though I know it can be fun trolling when you've become so good at it). How come you've never gotten permanently banned from there?

The first time you ever did it, why did you do it, do you even remember?


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

Yeah okay well your choice OP but seriously the fact you find pleasure in bullying others makes you really, really sad. It's even made worse by the fact you know what caused it, you know you could probably seek help for it, and you even know it would be a good idea to stop.

You've chosen to switch off your empathy because that's more convenient for you.

If you continue on this way, the consequences in the future will only get worse. You might think it's fun now, but trust me, it will not be worth it in the end.

There's no point going down a road that leaves others hurt, because all it'll do is reinforce the idea that you have to be mean to survive (you'll get paranoid that everyone is out to hurt you, and how will you trust when they aren't? You know what you're like so you'll project that onto others) - you'll feel like you need to protect your vulnerability to the point that being mean to everyone else is your modus operandi.

You cannot protect your vulnerability forever. You will hurt. That's life. And the fact you're going out of your way to hurt others means the day you meet your match, you won't see it coming. If ever that happens. Because you'll be so blinded by your own actions and insecurity, you'll not be able to guess the intentions of others.

This entire thread was some sort of fake cry for help, but the cry for help was still there.

Still agree with @kittenmogu that you're showing signs of developing some sort of serious psychological issues.

---
edit:



> Maybe I'm doing a good thing by learning them that the world isn't such a great place, and they need to get a little tougher? No, probably not, I know.
> 
> I also know I sound like a horrible person right now. Which is funny, because I'd love it if you started saying how much you hate me. Is that normal?


No, none of that is even remotely normal.

Also, you don't want me to judge you for the mean things you've done, but you're happily bragging about how you can manipulate and hurt other people. Can you not see the discrepancy in your view of yourself?

You are not mean because you are a mean person - all of it is to feel like you have power. You want to be in control because something in your life has made you feel like you've not been in control.

Ultimately, the choices you make are up to you, but those people you see with ASPD/narcissism/sociopathy ? They were extremely neglected or abused as kids. That's what happens. It's a cycle; people fucked them up so now they devote their time to fucking others up.

It's up to you to decide that your definition of control and power need not be a repeat of the things you went through in the past.

My inbox is still open. If you really didn't care about what you were doing, my opinion of you would be irrelevant. It matters because you're trying not to face the reality that you can change your ways. You just don't want to because it's the only way you feel you have some semblance of personal power - but all hurting others that are weaker than you does is show you are not as powerful as you think you are. These people are already weak, and you sniff them out because it's easy. That's nothing to brag about.


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## Silverdawn (Jun 28, 2014)

I'll add to what @JungleDelRey said. I've personally known a sociopath myself and you're basically going down a similar path. What she did by committing petty crimes and harming other people around her that were in a vulnerable position as well as animals, you are doing through a forum.

Looking at some of your replies, it almost feels like some sort of projection/deflection. Maybe you're seeing in those people what you see, and hate, in yourself (picking up on what you said earlier). The feeling of power is also the same as a druggie getting his fix. Eventually, you get the compulsion as well and doing it feels "good" so you end up numbing any empathy and finding yourself excuses to do it.

It's just a theory, I can't really offer more than that. A lot of people in this thread gave you the best advice they could have : you need to see a professional as soon as possible. See another one if you feel like the one you have isn't working for you. You need to figure out where that compulsion to harm those people in particular comes from because you are causing a lot of damage, even if it's online, on a forum, or "insert reason here".

Like I said, I've known a sociopath before. It would be easy for me and anyone to tell you that they hate you. It wouldn't be hard either. I'm not going to do that though because I know that the kind of behaviour you have comes from a cycle of anger, abuse and hate. That cycle has to stop somewhere and I know that it can stop, since I made it stop before.

Whatever you're hiding from or trying to deal with, there's a better way to deal with it out there. I can guarantee that.


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## Alles_Paletti (May 15, 2013)

School said:


> I've been thinking about it for a long time now. Many hours (that's a long time, right?). I've come to the conclusion that I don't really want to stop. I only want to stay out of trouble. This means, I need to be more anonymous. Also I need to learn when to stop, where the line is. This, I guess, can only be learnt from experience.
> 
> I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I like doing this. What I remembered, is that I've been like this for a long time in real life too - only hidden a little better. I've been doing it less though - going from almost manipulating/bullying to putting sharp objects in my friend's backpacks. I do the last thing often because I like it when they're going to get their books, and then they get hurt. They still stay, I guess they just see me as very childish rather than somewhat sadistic (?).
> 
> ...


Might be jumping to conclusions a bit here, but first impressions:

Reason one could be, you're a teenager. Passive/active anger all the time for no apparent reason? Yeah, welcome to the crowd. Just try to not do anything that'll really get in your way later. 

Second, this is not _much_ to go on but you could be an Enneagram type 8 when I read the bolded. Since I haven't spoken to you ever before and there are better people at typing than me take this with a big grain of salt. Look up type 8 if you're interested. 

Type 8s can be bullies; they stereotypically view other people as weaker, and the world as a place to put their mark on. 

At "unhealthy" levels they can become sadistic, bullies, showing how powerful and strong they are. 

At "healthy levels" they channel their strength more in a protective, leading way. Like they don't bully people but they tell bullies off instead. You try to harm/hurt people/things a type 8 cares about, prepare for battle.

This might be a bit touchyfeely for you but try watching this. He says something about when type 8s are healthy and unhealthy. I don't know your type, but I'd try to find out. This might be a start to that.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

School said:


> @_JungleDelRey_
> @_tanstaafl28_
> 
> I've been thinking about it for a long time now. Many hours (that's a long time, right?). I've come to the conclusion that I don't really want to stop. I only want to stay out of trouble. This means, I need to be more anonymous. Also I need to learn when to stop, where the line is. This, I guess, can only be learnt from experience.


You want to be controversial and maybe stir things up a little, get people to take a look at why they are feeling sorry for themselves and give them a kick in the pants, is that it? 



> I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I like doing this. What I remembered, is that I've been like this for a long time in real life too - only hidden a little better. I've been doing it less though - going from almost manipulating/bullying to putting sharp objects in my friend's backpacks. I do the last thing often because I like it when they're going to get their books, and then they get hurt. They still stay, I guess they just see me as very childish rather than somewhat sadistic (?).


Why would you want other people to hurt? Would you like it if someone did that to you? 



> I've been thinking about my life and all the possible reasons. There are very many, and all of them are very connected. I don't think this is a mess I can get out of, at least not without professional help. The thing is, why would I tell this to someone in real life? I don't want to face real consequences.


You may be right. Compulsive urges towards cruelty are something you really need to get figured out before you do something serious enough to really hurt someone, or wind up in legal trouble. You need to ask for help. 



> I know the reason I see them as weak though. They are. They are extremely weak. Maybe I'm doing a good thing by learning them that the world isn't such a great place, and they need to get a little tougher? No, probably not, I know.



And yet your not being able to control your own urges, is that not a weakness on your part? Are you not condemning others for being weak when in fact, you are simply trying to prove through hurting them that you are somehow stronger? That's being a bully. Bullies are secretly afraid that someone will discover how weak and afraid they really feel, so they "puff themselves up" and act tough, strong, and angry. They convince themselves that the only way to be safe from others is to strike first, and instill fear, particularly on those they perceive to be smaller and weaker than them. 



> I also know I sound like a horrible person right now. Which is funny, because I'd love it if you started saying how much you hate me. Is that normal? To like both hurting other people and when people try to hurt me? Well, I guess it's not "normal", but you know what I mean. (I've used the word "know" so many times now, it doesn't seem like a real word).


I think you want to be hated because you don't feel worthy of being loved. Why is that? What happened to you? You speak of having been in mental health care before, have you been formally diagnosed with something?



> No. Okay. Maybe I need help, maybe not. I don't know. Maybe I need more days to think about this.


I think being aware of a problem is a good start. Being able to do something about it and get help, that's the kicker. You need to do both, IMHO. You can't go on like this, you're going to do something you'll regret. Whatever else it may be, it seems like classic shadow projection. You are projecting the things in your shadow on others and then tormenting them for it instead of yourself.


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## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

@Alles_Paletti

I agree, the OP sounds like an unhealthy 8.


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## VinnieBob (Mar 24, 2014)

School said:


> There's this other forum for girls 12-20. (It's supposed to be 8-16, but nobody cares).
> 
> The thing is, I love being a troll on that forum. I write really disgusting things and jokes about everything, I can't help it, I love it when they get angry or sad. Most often, I joke about self harm, because a lot of them are harming themselves. It's something I know will hit them.
> 
> ...


try craigs list rants and raves, they welcome trolling


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## theflame (Apr 12, 2014)

I want to shut down and destroy this other forum that banned me, too. I understand although I wasn't the troll in my situation. I was the one being bullied and the forum moderators banned me there and allowed posters to personally attack me. It got so far that an anonymous user had the nerve to try to pretend to be an online lawyer and threatening to sue me when I didn't even do anything that they didn't do.

In the end, I felt they weren't worth it. With the 100K members they have I'm never going to shut down their site so I decided to build a reader base of my own to focus on my own site and it has worked to distract me for wanting to take that place down for bad mouthing me. It's even pissed them off that I have readers listening to me that they stalk my site, trying to start drama at my own site, LOL. 

I asked the same questions over at this forum that I asked over there and I got no drama responses here whatsoever in PerC so in conclusion to me the forum I posted at those posters get irritated by the littlest things and it truly isn't me. I would say it was me if I got the same reaction at this forum, but I post same questions here in the same exact way and I actually get intelligent discussions.

Try to form your own reader group that will listen to what you have to say. That's what has helped me get over bad forums that I do have many people reading my insightful posts who agree with me.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Sorry for the very late reply. It's been a little busy and it's been a lot to think about. Also I just suddenly didn't want to talk about it, because as always, I'm changing a little each day and... I don't know. I went back to the forum though. Got banned again, was saying some things that could've gotten me in trouble. Luckily a moderator saw it and deleted it, rather than leaving it there and then temporarily ban me. 


@Gossip Goat
They tried to permanently ban me, but I just used the Tor browser and a different e-mail...

I don't remember the first time. I think I was just asking about something and they got upset and I liked it, but I can't say for sure. 

@JungleDelRey
It's a different kind of trolling when you tell people about your problems, but in a way that makes you sound like you're bragging. Crap. That was not really intended but it just happened. I'm sorry about that. I don't know how to talk about things without sounding like I'm bragging. I just say things as they are, without all the "and this is bad... this is wrong... I shouldn't do this...I'm a bad person... I deserve to be punished..." because that gets boring. 

It wasn't a fake cry for help. I wanted advice, but I see that there's not really much more advice to give. My problem seems to be a bit too complex for the advice section. It's not really a cry for help either though, it's more... asking for advice. 

(Also I just tend to feel it's important to give information so you'll know what the problem is. I can't sugarcoat it. I'm not necessarily proud of my actions, but I'm not always ashamed of them either... it depends). 

I already knew I was weak. I've been weak all my life. But they are weaker.

@Silverdawn
Okay, just to make it clear... you didn't say it, you didn't imply it even, but I just feel like I need to make this very clear; I've never hurt an animal on purpose. Sure, I've probably stepped on my cats tail by accident a few times, but then I give them food and pet them so they'll know I didn't mean it. 

That's very likely. I went back again, and I saw someone doing something I did many years ago, and I just joked about it. They banned me. I wonder if they understand that banning me only makes me angry. 

The one I had was the only one available for minors here, and it just didn't work out. She was actually trained to deal with adults but decided to switch over to teenagers - she didn't have the experience needed, at least I don't think so. 

@Alles_Paletti
It's 7 in the morning now, but I'll watch the video later today. 

@tanstaafl28
Sometimes, yeah.

Well, I like hurting them because... I don't know. Sometimes they start bleeding, I like that. I also like the way they look at me, like I'm some stupid child. And I wouldn't mind, put sharp objects in my backpack if you'd like, I already have a lot of needles and such there, it wouldn't make a difference. (I collect stuff...).

Next year, maybe. 

Of course it's weakness. I'm weak. They're weaker. I'm not afraid of people knowing that I'm weak, as it's fairly obvious. I'm weak, but if someone is weaker, they're weaker. I don't really know if I agree on the safe part. People are nice to me in real life now, and I don't (usually) say mean things to people who try to hurt me. There was this guy a few years ago, he asked me why I was so ugly and I said I was inspired by him. I still feel a little bad about that. Which is weird, I know.

That's actually one of the reasons I dumped my ex. He told me he loved me, I got angry at him. He cared about me, I got angry at him. I'm not sure why.

I wasn't really diagnosed with anything... or, there was a paper about what happened and I read it and it said "unspecified mood disorder".

This is not the kind of thing I like to say, but believe me, I don't just do this to other people. 

@vinniebob
Probably not that kind though. Also it's a whole different scene. 

@thelostxin
I've found a few people that agree on some of my opinions, but that's not really the point here... 

Again, thank you for all your replies and sorry I didn't reply faster (and better). I suck, I'm the best. I'm weak, I'm the queen. Yes, discrepancy, I know - I'm usually both sides of most things. It depends on something, but I'm still not sure what. Maybe if I figure that out, I'll know how to "control" it better.


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## Alles_Paletti (May 15, 2013)

School said:


> I just say things as they are, without all the "and this is bad... this is wrong... I shouldn't do this...I'm a bad person... I deserve to be punished..." because that gets boring.


Yeah, sounds like an 8, at first glance.



> It wasn't a fake cry for help. I wanted advice, but I see that there's not really much more advice to give. My problem seems to be a bit too complex for the advice section. It's not really a cry for help either though, it's more... asking for advice.


You ask for advice to "stop yourself" from being mean, thereby implying you are not in control of your own actions. You do things you do not want to do. 

Sounds like an addiction, of sorts. Like any sort of addiction, there are two ways out:
- Be strong and stop.
- Get help if you are not strong enough yourself. 

Which route do you want to take? 



> I already knew I was weak. I've been weak all my life. But they are weaker.


Why do you think you are weak? 

Do you want to be weak?



> Of course it's weakness. I'm weak. They're weaker. I'm not afraid of people knowing that I'm weak, as it's fairly obvious. I'm weak, but if someone is weaker, they're weaker


Why are you so sure you are weak, and that other people are weaker? 

What in you view, is strength, really?

What does it mean to you to be a strong person? 



> That's actually one of the reasons I dumped my ex. He told me he loved me, I got angry at him. He cared about me, I got angry at him. I'm not sure why.


Assumptions: 
-Because you feel you don't need anyone's support, perhaps?
-Like, the thought that you need to be taken care of is offensive to you, maybe? It makes you feel weak?



> Again, thank you for all your replies and sorry I didn't reply faster (and better). I suck, I'm the best. I'm weak, I'm the queen. Yes, discrepancy, I know - I'm usually both sides of most things. It depends on something, but I'm still not sure what. Maybe if I figure that out, I'll know how to "control" it better.


Does this make sense to you: Type 8 -- Enneagram Personality Dynamics


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## TreeBob (Oct 11, 2008)

Do you match any of these qualities?
Antisocial personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Devrim (Jan 26, 2013)

You're not changing for a good reason,
So I don't see how it's going to work,
You can't make yourself 'less mean' unless you care that you're hurting others(Which you clearly don't),
Or you're scared of the consequences(Which you're not)


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> It's probably nothing. I'm just a teenager, right? It's probably nothing. It's all just a big nothing.
> @Gossip Goat
> Yeah, probably. Well, sometimes I honestly do feel really good about myself though, for example when those people are upset. I'll feel like I'm the queen. Whatever that means.
> 
> I don't know what would make me feel good, but not hurt anyone. Well, other than watching large amounts of Malcolm in the Middle and eating chocolate. It doesn't last, but it's better than nothing, right?


Ehhh, I don't know why you're trying to make it seem like its nothing...when it clearly is & when you know it is. Have you encountered people who remind you of those girls in any way in your life? Resemblance in their weakness (could be you, your friends or your parents) that makes you want to take it out on them? You could exercise, do online surveys for cash, learn another language, learn how to draw, write out your plans for college in detail, etc. Those things benefit you, distract you and can be executed at the expense of humiliating and hurting no one.

But you don't want to change, you can have the answer on how to but you aren't willing to give up what you do, and if you don't want to nothing anyone here says will change that. Unless someone tells you something in a way to make you understand & make you want to change & so far it hasn't happened.

You seem to have sadistic tendencies to cover up some deeper wounds.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

Get a hobby, dude. :kitteh:


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

I went back to the forum, made a few threads, got some messages about how much they hated me and how stupid I was. Asked them some questions, got them to remember my old users and after a while they banned me, again. It wasn't too good, it was a little less than usual, I think I went there at the wrong time of the day. People were so annoyingly calm.
@JungleDelRey
I really want to give you a good answer because you've actually tried to help me, but I just don't know how to explain. I don't even know 100% myself, I just don't know. I mean, I have an idea, like a picture of it, but I don't really want to go into it since I'm not really sure. 
@izebize
"They'll find something's very wrong with you" and "people like you end up in the ward anyways". So what you're saying, not directly of course, is that I should stay away from help? Because I have things I want to do, like finishing school and all, I can't have them ruin that for me. Well, I'm on my way to ruin that myself, but I don't need their help for that. 

And don't feel sorry for those girls. They chose to stay, they chose to listen, they chose to throw their weakness at me. They make themselves such an easy target, they basically deserve it. They need to learn. And yeah, I make myself an easy target now too, right? So attack me, do your worst. I went back today, I got a message filled with hate just because I asked to see their cuts. Instead of crying about it, I was actually surprised I didn't get more. Someone made a thread about how they wanted to find me and punch me in my face. Yeah, you know what, if someone actually finds me one day, they're welcome to punch me in the face. Do as you please. I put myself in danger all the time. Attack me, have fun. 
@Gossip Goat
I wish it was nothing.
Of course, I see it all the time. One girl who used to be in this group of friends I was in, she'd post pictures of how "sad and depressed" she was. However, it was very clear that it wasn't real. I can't go into detail, but you could almost taste the stupid lies. She had a "secret" Instagram user, and allowed me to follow her, and guess what? She posted pictures of these stupid small scratches and all. She acted like it was the worst thing ever and I just wanted to shove her head down the toilet. I didn't, of course, but we're not friends anymore. So yeah, that was obvious weakness from her side, but I see it in many other places too. There's this other girl, she keeps thinking we're friends because we watched a few movies together a few months ago. She's got these tiny cuts on her arms and hands. Just tiny cuts. I know it could feel like enough, but why show it like that if it's not more? I mean why show weakness like that, if it's not even that bad? What's the point? I kind of get it, but it annoys me. They seem to claim it as their own thing, yet they don't even do it right. 
I've already talked about those things, and it's just not... enough. Don't think I don't try - I already do many of them. I don't like exercise though, but it's not like I never move, I do still have gym at school. I did online surveys for cash, but usually they'd say I needed to be over 18, so it got boring. I am already learning two languages (English and German), and of course my own language (Norwegian), so even though there are other languages I want to learn, I just feel like I should focus on English and German right now. I like to draw already, I do draw, but it's not enough. And I don't really know what I'm going to do about college, I mean I have some sort of plan but I think it's too early to decide everything because I'm still not exactly sure what I want to do - but I'm thinking about it, I'm talking with my grandparents about it all the time (why are they so interested in that?). I mean, I do many things, it's just not enough. 
@Word Dispenser
Yeah? Like what? Try giving me an example that I haven't already tried/can't do because it's too expensive. Try. Do it. Please, it'd be fun. I like it when people tell me to "get a hobby". They never come up with any good examples and then they get angry at me because they're unable to come up with good examples. But maybe you're different. Give it a go.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> @Gossip Goat
> I wish it was nothing.
> Of course, I see it all the time. One girl who used to be in this group of friends I was in, she'd post pictures of how "sad and depressed" she was. However, it was very clear that it wasn't real. I can't go into detail, but you could almost taste the stupid lies. She had a "secret" Instagram user, and allowed me to follow her, and guess what? She posted pictures of these stupid small scratches and all. She acted like it was the worst thing ever and I just wanted to shove her head down the toilet. I didn't, of course, but we're not friends anymore. So yeah, that was obvious weakness from her side, but I see it in many other places too. There's this other girl, she keeps thinking we're friends because we watched a few movies together a few months ago. She's got these tiny cuts on her arms and hands. Just tiny cuts. I know it could feel like enough, but why show it like that if it's not more? I mean why show weakness like that, if it's not even that bad? What's the point? I kind of get it, but it annoys me. They seem to claim it as their own thing, yet they don't even do it right.
> I've already talked about those things, and it's just not... enough. Don't think I don't try - I already do many of them. I don't like exercise though, but it's not like I never move, I do still have gym at school. I did online surveys for cash, but usually they'd say I needed to be over 18, so it got boring. I am already learning two languages (English and German), and of course my own language (Norwegian), so even though there are other languages I want to learn, I just feel like I should focus on English and German right now. I like to draw already, I do draw, but it's not enough. And I don't really know what I'm going to do about college, I mean I have some sort of plan but I think it's too early to decide everything because I'm still not exactly sure what I want to do - but I'm thinking about it, I'm talking with my grandparents about it all the time (why are they so interested in that?). I mean, I do many things, it's just not enough.


I can see how those previous girls would be annoying so I get it, I see your pov. Do you think those girls and how they act make you lash out at the online girls?


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

School said:


> Yeah? Like what? Try giving me an example that I haven't already tried/can't do because it's too expensive. Try. Do it. Please, it'd be fun. I like it when people tell me to "get a hobby". They never come up with any good examples and then they get angry at me because they're unable to come up with good examples. But maybe you're different. Give it a go.


Okie dokie. Without further ado... Time to show you who's awesome. :kitteh:

1) Drawing. Requires pencil and paper.
2) Writing. Requires pencil and paper.
3) Cooking/baking. Requires food, which you have to eat anyway.
4) Lucid Dreaming. Requires sleeping.
5) Video games. Meh. There are tons of free ones if you don't have any.
6) Hiking. Requires getting off your ass.
7) Kite-flying. Requires a kite. (Can get 'em pretty cheap)
8) Origami. Requires paper.
9) Knitting and/or crochetting. Requires material which is usually cheap.
10) Rollerskating/Skateboarding. Requires rollerskates or a skateboard. Don't tell me this hobby isn't cheap.
11) Swimming. Requires water.
12) Yoga. Requires internet.
13) Search Results for "tvtropes.com" Requires that website. You'll be busy for weeks.
14) Astral projection. Similar to Lucid Dreaming. Requires Sleep.
15) Meditation.
16) Palm-reading.
17) Astrology.
18) Putting a pillow against the door and standing on your head for as long as you can.
19) Reading.
20) Calligraphy.

I could go on. There's tons of cheap/free hobbies you could get into, but you're not. You're wasting your time hurting people because it makes you feel good, you sicko. :tongue:

Seriously. Get a hobby.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> I can see how those previous girls would be annoying so I get it, I see your pov. Do you think those girls and how they act make you lash out at the online girls?


Yeah, but the girls online were the first ones to annoy me like that. It's see stuff like that every day for a long time. They're so weak it's just... how can you _not _want to hurt them?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@Word Dispenser
1) Already doing it. Not enough.
2) Already doing it. Not enough.
3) I hate cooking/baking.
4) Not my thing. I've tried.
5) I have many video games but I get bored of them pretty quickly. 
6) Doing it sometimes, not enough. Gets a little boring too.
7) That's okay, but it's not really something I can do all the time, also it's just not enough. 
8) That's just really boring. I end up making a ton of stupid paper things and then what? 
9) Yeah... no. I decided that I was going to learn to be really good at knitting this summer. I need something a little bit more.
10) No thanks, not my thing. Yes, I've tried. Really not my thing.
11) I sometimes like swimming, but only if I can wear that big stupid suit, but the problem is it keeps me floating. It's boring.
12) No thanks, not my thing, already tried it. 
13) Umm... from what I see, it's just fancy Google? 
14) Not my thing.
15) Not my thing.
16) You're kidding, right?
17) No.
18) I used to do that when I was a child, but it's really boring.
19) Yeah. Then what? I read, but it's not enough.
20) Nah.

Oh, yeah, getting a hobby would probably solve everything. And I'm just doing it because it makes me feel good, there is no other reason. Please, did you even read the thread? I already have hobbies, they just don't work out. It's not enough. You can say "oh but you said that was boring, just do it for five months and it won't be boring anymore" - yeah. No. Please, I'm so tired of that shit. "Get a hobby, get a hobby". Okay, then what? It's not exactly always a choice to hurt those people, it's not just that. Just read the damn thread. I know I sound a little annoyed now, but it's just that I've heard it so many times before.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

School said:


> Oh, yeah, getting a hobby would probably solve everything. And I'm just doing it because it makes me feel good, there is no other reason. Please, did you even read the thread? I already have hobbies, they just don't work out. It's not enough. You can say "oh but you said that was boring, just do it for five months and it won't be boring anymore" - yeah. No. Please, I'm so tired of that shit. "Get a hobby, get a hobby". Okay, then what? It's not exactly always a choice to hurt those people, it's not just that. Just read the damn thread. I know I sound a little annoyed now, but it's just that I've heard it so many times before.


Meh, you just haven't found the right hobby. As tired as you are of hearing it, it'll make sense to you when you've found the right hobby, and then you'll be hitting yourself. :kitteh: 

I honestly don't get bored. I make sure to enjoy every moment of my time-- And I don't hurt others intentionally to do so.

Here's something you can watch. I'd highly recommend that you see it all the way through. 

Maybe it will inspire you:


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Word Dispenser said:


> Meh, you just haven't found the right hobby. As tired as you are of hearing it, it'll make sense to you when you've found the right hobby, and then you'll be hitting yourself. :kitteh:
> 
> I honestly don't get bored. I make sure to enjoy every moment of my time-- And I don't hurt others intentionally to do so.
> 
> ...


I've tried for over ten years now. Believe me, all the weird stuff I've been doing... all the way from karate to knitting, to stuff like cleaning up the beach or whatever. But yeah, it'd be nice to find the right hobby. The thing is, it's not only about that. I guess it would help, of course, but hurting those people is, as I've said many times now, not just something I do for fun. It's more, much more. 

I'll watch the video later.


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

School said:


> I've tried for over ten years now. Believe me, all the weird stuff I've been doing... all the way from karate to knitting, to stuff like cleaning up the beach or whatever. But yeah, it'd be nice to find the right hobby. The thing is, it's not only about that. I guess it would help, of course, but hurting those people is, as I've said many times now, not just something I do for fun. It's more, much more.
> 
> I'll watch the video later.


Well, obviously it's more than that. But, that's the core of it. You cannot justify your actions by saying you can't help it. 

Maybe you're psychologically addicted or something. Whatever. You still make a choice to do what you do when you do it. So choose to do something else with your time.

Watch it later, or now, but make sure to watch it. It could change your life.

And when you're Gen 'Z, I don't take the fact that you've spent 10 years looking for hobbies very seriously, I'm afraid. :kitteh: Mostly 'cause it doesn't seem as if you take looking for hobbies very seriously in itself-- So do something else, sure. Was just an idea.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> Yeah, but the girls online were the first ones to annoy me like that. It's see stuff like that every day for a long time. They're so weak it's just... how can you _not _want to hurt them?


But they haven't done anything to you, unless, do you find their behaviour offensive?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Word Dispenser said:


> Well, obviously it's more than that. But, that's the core of it. You cannot justify your actions by saying you can't help it.
> 
> Maybe you're psychologically addicted or something. Whatever. You still make a choice to do what you do when you do it. So choose to do something else with your time.
> 
> ...


Okay, to be honest, why is it so difficult for some people to understand that it's not always easy to find a hobby? I have actually tried over ten years. I'm 17, and I started before I was 7. I tried things like gymnastics back then (I don't know if that's the right word but I think you understand what I mean), and my parents made me join different things to see if I liked any of it. And don't think I stopped because of the people, because they were usually nice, but I just didn't like doing the thing. I didn't just give up after that, I'd give it time, usually weeks or months. 

Why do you do that? Why do you have to doubt something you know nothing about? I just don't see the point in that. 

And yeah, sure, it's a choice. Everything is a choice, right. I've already told everyone here I'm weak like a hundred times now. (At least ten). I've tried to stop, I really have, but it's not easy and saying "oh silly child just stop haha" doesn't help at all whatsoever. I mean, thank you for your time, but please. 

I know I'm being rude now, I'm just too tired of that stuff. Sorry. Just too tired.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> But they haven't done anything to you, unless, do you find their behaviour offensive?


They don't need to do anything to me. And yes, I do find their behaviour offensive sometimes. They need to be corrected.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> They don't need to do anything to me. And yes, I do find their behaviour offensive sometimes. They need to be corrected.


This makes more sense now. I sometimes feel the same way, don't you feel like you waste too much time on what you do? Doesn't it frustrate you knowing you can't really change anyone? If so, doesn't that give you the motivation to move on?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> This makes more sense now. I sometimes feel the same way, don't you feel like you waste too much time on what you do? Doesn't it frustrate you knowing you can't really change anyone? If so, doesn't that give you the motivation to move on?


It isn't just about changing them though. I want them upset and angry. That's the goal, because I know they'll probably not change. Also it's... not always something I control. That's kind of the thing here. I don't control it and I go too far. 
---
Seriously though, what's up with 9 guests reading the thread? Who are you? Why aren't you logged in? Are you from that forum? (Nope, you're not, I checked - nobody mentioned PerC).


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> It isn't just about changing them though. I want them upset and angry. That's the goal, because I know they'll probably not change. Also it's... not always something I control. That's kind of the thing here. I don't control it and I go too far.
> ---
> Seriously though, what's up with 9 guests reading the thread? Who are you? Why aren't you logged in? Are you from that forum? (Nope, you're not, I checked - nobody mentioned PerC).


But you want them to get upset because they upset you with what they are doing, right? If you can, tell me what happens, in detail, when you lose control.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

The main issue here might simply be boredom, and lack of other ways to spend your time. Like a build up of energy and restlessness that spills out in a negative way like that. Those people just agitate your built up energy.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> But you want them to get upset because they upset you with what they are doing, right? If you can, tell me what happens, in detail, when you lose control.


I get annoyed, not really upset. It's not really the reason I want to upset them though. I just want them upset. Mostly because it A) makes me feel good because I like seeing them upset and B) increases the chance that they'll cut deeper next time and thus having better pictures to show. 
Well, I've already written somewhere else in this thread what happens before I lose control, but what happens exactly when I lose control... Hmm. It's difficult to explain. I've tried to explain it a few times now, but I deleted it because I just don't know how to explain it perfectly. Very basic: I "forget" about staying out of trouble and I'll do anything to get the response I want. It's not always "me" who wants this though - sometimes it's like my body just decides that it's going to go hurt people. I'll sit there, saying it's a bad idea, but I'll keep posting and waiting for the shitstorm to start.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Sporadic Aura said:


> The main issue here might simply be boredom, and lack of other ways to spend your time. Like a build up of energy and restlessness that spills out in a negative way like that. Those people just agitate your built up energy.


But there are so many other things I could do... like going for a walk, watching a movie... I don't know.


(17 people other than me reading this thread? Okay guys, what's this? Usually it's like... two?)


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

School said:


> But there are so many other things I could do... like going for a walk, watching a movie... I don't know.


Yeah, but those things are boring to you compared to causing mass chaos on this online forum. 

Maybe?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Sporadic Aura said:


> Yeah, but those things are boring to you compared to causing mass chaos on this online forum.
> 
> Maybe?


Yeah, maybe. It wouldn't explain why I do stuff to my friends though. Or does it?


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> I get annoyed, not really upset. It's not really the reason I want to upset them though. I just want them upset. Mostly because it A) makes me feel good because I like seeing them upset and B) increases the chance that they'll cut deeper next time and thus having better pictures to show.
> Well, I've already written somewhere else in this thread what happens before I lose control, but what happens exactly when I lose control... Hmm. It's difficult to explain. I've tried to explain it a few times now, but I deleted it because I just don't know how to explain it perfectly. Very basic: I "forget" about staying out of trouble and I'll do anything to get the response I want. It's not always "me" who wants this though - sometimes it's like my body just decides that it's going to go hurt people. I'll sit there, saying it's a bad idea, but I'll keep posting and waiting for the shitstorm to start.


Do you think you could move onto making people or other creatures suffer in real life? Do you believe that you're capable of doing that?


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

School said:


> Yeah, maybe. It wouldn't explain why I do stuff to my friends though. Or does it?


Not sure.

My first thought was boredom though, because I can sort of relate to your situation. I used to get really bored and just hop on omegle and troll people, I know I said some pretty hurtful things to get reactions. My intentions were never to hurt anyone, and I wasn't being myself, I had no control. I was just bored and restless and really enjoyed being able to manipulate people into freaking out at me. I've never done anything in real life though.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> Do you think you could move onto making people or other creatures suffer in real life? Do you believe that you're capable of doing that?


I've already hurt people on purpose in real life, not sure what you mean by "suffer" though. How bad does it have to be? 
I wouldn't hurt animals though.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Sporadic Aura said:


> Not sure.
> 
> My first thought was boredom though, because I can sort of relate to your situation. I used to get really bored and just hop on omegle and troll people, I know I said some pretty hurtful things to get reactions. My intentions were never to hurt anyone, and I wasn't being myself, I had no control. I was just bored and restless and really enjoyed being able to manipulate people into freaking out at me. I've never done anything in real life though.


Because I love doing it and will sometimes do it in real life. Only not so obvious. 

---
This thread has gone from this to that to something else. Just to remind everyone what this was about: I like hurting people but I can't always control myself so I'll go too far, and I need to stay out of trouble, so I need to be able to stop when I'm almost going too far.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> I've already hurt people on purpose in real life, not sure what you mean by "suffer" though. How bad does it have to be?
> I wouldn't hurt animals though.


Have you hurt people in real life to get the feeling you get online? By suffering I mean for them to cause pain to themselves or for you to cause them pain.

EDIT: by saying you like hurting people but don't want to go too far, you know you already have gone too far and are only going farther. Most probably unless you cause one of those girls suicides or attempts, you won't get in trouble. I'm not saying this to enable you, but if you reach that point you will be beyond trouble and could possibly face jail.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> Have you hurt people in real life to get the feeling you get online? By suffering I mean for them to cause pain to themselves or for you to cause them pain.


Yes. Also to make them stay as a friend or to make them give me something I want (like chewing gum, I did this in elementary school too).


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> Yes. Also to make them stay as a friend or to make them give me something I want (like chewing gum, I did this in elementary school too).


You did this to get the queen feeling? If you were as mean as I'm thinking you are, how did they stay your friend?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> You did this to get the queen feeling? If you were as mean as I'm thinking you are, how did they stay your friend?


It was only one person at a time though. The rest would stay away from me. So naturally, I'd use that to make her think they were staying away from her. There was this weird (in an annoying way) girl, she switched schools because the first one had many bullies in it. Her biggest mistake was baking cakes and bringing them to school. I liked cakes + girl was good at baking cakes = reason enough. 

In many ways, looking back, I was a bully. Not the kind who beats up other people, haha, but the kind who just makes you feel bad but you just can't leave. I got many things from her. Chewing gum, cake, gifts for my birthday. There was also this other girl, she would help me sometimes, actually. We'd follow the first girl to the toilet, and then we wouldn't let her out of there, just for fun. 

Well, the other kids didn't actually exactly stay away from me. It wasn't like they'd sit far away or something. They'd just not invite me to things (except birthdays because there was a rule for that), but I didn't care because I wouldn't want to go anyway. 

I wouldn't exactly hurt her physically though. Or, sometimes I'd pinch her or hit her (but not hard). I'd say it was a joke. 

The friends I have now, I'll put sharp objects in their backpack or something like that. I'll find excuses to hurt them. For example, by now they all know to stay away from my stuff. I'll take their phone and go through their pictures for fun, but if they touch mine, I'll hit them with whatever I have available. That be their phone or a book or a chair. One time I dug my nails into my best friend's arm, she almost started bleeding, but I didn't get to see her bleeding because she covered it up. They stay because they just think I'm being childish or something. Actually... I don't really know why they stay.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

School said:


> This thread has gone from this to that to something else. Just to remind everyone what this was about: I like hurting people but I can't always control myself so I'll go too far, and I need to stay out of trouble, so I need to be able to stop when I'm almost going too far.


No, you don't need to be able to stop when you are almost going too far. You need to stop before you even start. You need to stop before you turn the engine on and you need to chop your hand off when you grab the keys. Not just due to the consequences but because I don't think you'll ever reach that balance you desire. It will be all or nothing, you will start doing this stuff and you'll be tempted to move forward and with your lack of self-control you will. You have to stop yourself. If you don't do it for other people then at least do it for yourself.

You seem to have a fixation with fixing other people's weakness because you see yourself as weak and you've somehow adopted the idea that you need to make yourself stronger thus projecting it to other people =/. Would you say that is accurate?

Here's a few things you can do:
1- Ask a moderator in the forum to perma-ban you. Maybe someone can block your IP from that site.
2- Get some therapy. Now. Speak to a psychologist about your problem and if they can't do anything for you ask them to recommend you someone else. People usually click with certain psychologists and find others don't understand them so it's partly a matter of finding the right person for you, someone with whom you feel confortable enough to communicate with.
3- Maybe look into anger management.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> We'd follow the first girl to the toilet, and then we wouldn't let her out of there, just for fun.
> 
> The friends I have now, I'll put sharp objects in their backpack or something like that. I'll find excuses to hurt them. For example, by now they all know to stay away from my stuff. I'll take their phone and go through their pictures for fun, but if they touch mine, I'll hit them with whatever I have available. That be their phone or a book or a chair. One time I dug my nails into my best friend's arm, she almost started bleeding, but I didn't get to see her bleeding because she covered it up. They stay because they just think I'm being childish or something. Actually... I don't really know why they stay.


How do you find all of that normal? Were you raised in a similar environment? Where did you learn this kind of behavior? Do you ever feel bad about doing it to people you actually know? Has anything like that ever happened to you? Those questions sounds like I'm judging you but I just honestly have never met someone like you who has confessed something like this. I know people like you but having someone say it like you did is just something I've never encountered and have trouble understanding. Having someone say it is sooo different than non verbal communication which even though confirms what you said, it still leaves room for doubt.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@Pancreatic Pandora
It's also for fun, not just fixing their weakness but laugh at their weakness. Get the response I want, that be hate or pictures of cuts. Or both. 

1. They've already done that a few times. It's very easy to change your IP address by using Tor browser, for example. Or just use a different computer. 
2. I've explained why that would be difficult earlier in this thread. But thanks.
3. Why? I'm not that angry. Or sometimes. Maybe I am? I guess. 
@Gossip Goat
Well, why not just say it as it is? It's not really much you could do about it anyway, so I don't see why I'd bother hiding it. 
I found it normal because I thought it was pretty obvious. You want something = you do something to get what you want. I don't think I was raised like that, I think I just figured out how it worked and then just did it. And I think it's happened to me, but I can't come up with an example right now, but I know someone used me to get stuff or hurt me just for fun. (Um... that's the kind of thing that happens to everyone though). 

I don't feel bad about it. Not really, except if it's one of the three persons I really care about... but I wouldn't do it against them in the first place.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

School said:


> @Gossip Goat
> Well, why not just say it as it is? It's not really much you could do about it anyway, so I don't see why I'd bother hiding it.
> I found it normal because I thought it was pretty obvious. You want something = you do something to get what you want. I don't think I was raised like that, I think I just figured out how it worked and then just did it. And I think it's happened to me, but I can't come up with an example right now, but I know someone used me to get stuff or hurt me just for fun. (Um... that's the kind of thing that happens to everyone though).
> 
> I don't feel bad about it. Not really, except if it's one of the three persons I really care about... but I wouldn't do it against them in the first place.


It's just having someone just say it is so different, the people I know who do it keep it hush hush & kind of pretend their saints. I'm not saying that they're bad all the time or have to be but like I said it's different because I sort of thought that they did feel a little bad upon thinking about it. I understand how you say that when you want something you have to go get it but there are nicer ways to get things. Wouldn't you want to be thought of as nice and liked for it rather than disliked and feared for being mean? (If this isn't true then I just misunderstood your school thing.) How did you come to being this way? Did someone or something inspire you? That person who used you, do you mind telling how the used you & how they hurt you? Don't you ever think about putting yourself in their shoes?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

Gossip Goat said:


> It's just having someone just say it is so different, the people I know who do it keep it hush hush & kind of pretend their saints. I'm not saying that they're bad all the time or have to be but like I said it's different because I sort of thought that they did feel a little bad upon thinking about it. I understand how you say that when you want something you have to go get it but there are nicer ways to get things. Wouldn't you want to be thought of as nice and liked for it rather than disliked and feared for being mean? (If this isn't true then I just misunderstood your school thing.) How did you come to being this way? Did someone or something inspire you? That person who used you, do you mind telling how the used you & how they hurt you? Don't you ever think about putting yourself in their shoes?


I like that they keep their distance to be honest. They know not to mess with me or my things. That's a good thing, makes it easier to do whatever I want to do. 
I can't come up with an example right now. I can't really remember. But people have hurt me for fun, mostly because they thought I was ugly. They didn't do anything really bad though, like they never beat me up. They'd call me ugly and push me around and go through my stuff (one more reason I like people to stay away from my stuff). It didn't happen too often though. And my mum married this guy (they're divorced now, but they were together about 11 years), and the funniest thing he knew was making me cry. Hah, there you have it, right? The only thing he was ever really good at was finding people's weaknesses and use them against them. But he could be really sorry about it though. We visited his dad a few times, and everyone there was acting like that. It was like the whole town did that, so honestly I think it was just a way to talk or something. But I guess I mostly learned it from him, even though I did it before he started doing that to me. (He started doing it when my brother was born).


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

I think it's a combination of pent up anger, boredom and feelings of worthlessness you're projecting on to other people. You're already mad before you go into the forum and being there just sparks it up again so you attack.

The anger is yours to deal with not for those girls to be victim to.

Also I think because of your age you can't really see it that way to be honest. Which is fair enough. I was the same. I just didn't use my anger to attack people in the way you do.

If I were you, I would go to therapy for anger, that way you'll be able to really discover the basis of it. I think it has something to do with your childhood, but the fact you don't really know isn't the problem.

The problem is taking your bad feelings, projecting them on to other people and making them suffer for it.

Good luck OP.

You already realise how bad it is, so there's every hope for you to stop.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@JungleDelRey
But why is it so much fun? Just because I'm angry? 

What if I just keep going until someone forces me to stop? Or wait, they'd probably just fine me or something. I don't know. I don't feel angry all the time. I can be okay and go there and do it too, but it depends. I don't know.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

It's fun because you like to make them feel like shit, the way you feel like shit.

I've read your posts with interest trying to understand it from your POV. When you started your initial OP you exaggerated your hostility because you wanted people to put you down. They did. Then you felt attacked and started defending yourself. But some people kept attacking, I was starting to see something wasn't adding up.

The feelings you describe of worthlessness, anger, loneliness, being weak, wanting to be hated - these are the feelings you project on to the girls you sniff out.

Once you have found one that's "good" (i.e. a girl whose feelings match those you already) enough you start bullying her and feel justified for doing so because now you're releasing all your own inner tension.

This is 100% normal human behaviour, but it's not fair for you to take your feelings and then let others suffer them because you don't know how to deal with your own shit.

The way you prey on victims shows you're already feeling a certain way before you attack - it is not a spontaneous release of emotions, it is a premeditated and calculated attack. Sparked usually when you're already stressed - stress has a way of lowering our ability to control our behaviour thus making us more likely to be impulsive. 

This is similar to the way someone who actually has sociopathy is likely to become more violent when they are more stressed - they simply don't know how to deal with stress without lashing out.

Like I have already said, the more you do this, the more you'll reinforce that behaviour. If you want to stop you need to find better ways of dealing with your emotions. Either through therapy, or just having someone listen to your problems.

You cannot see it this way because your vision is partly being clouded by your emotions which are clearly quite raw still - again this is normal. It happens to everyone, but not everyone uses that as a reason to attack others.

You need to find a way to get in control of your emotions that you're splitting off from if you really want to stop. One way to stopping is to see what you are doing for what it really is: projection.

And deciding that your bad feelings are yours to learn to deal with, not others to suffer through. You are in control of how you act and you are responsible for dealing with the way you feel - using your feelings as a reason to justify bullying is what makes you "weak" not the fact that you are.

Everything you have said here, based on your upbringing and childhood is normal. You can't see it that way though because you're so stuck in the emotions you can't see the trees for the forest.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@JungleDelRey
Oh.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@JungleDelRey
I really suck at dealing with emotions. But I do still think they deserved it. I think they deserve worse than what they got from me. I want to break them down. All of them. Crush them like bugs. I wasn't really exaggerating. I do really like to hurt people and I do believe they deserve it. I know this is wrong so people should punish me for it. 

I hurt them, someone else hurt me. That's fair, I'd say. You could say we shouldn't hurt people at all, but we need pain to make things work. 

And of course everything was normal. I'm not some alien either. What I'm doing is basic human stuff. Very basic human stuff. "Poor me, I'll go hurt people". It's been around since the first humans, I think. 

I don't have any problems, not really. My mind is perfect. I put things in different boxes than you, maybe, but that is not a problem.

I'm not responsible for anything ever. I destroy what I please, it's not my job to build it up again. Don't you see? It's perfect teamwork. I destroy, someone else build. Humans are so cool that way. We need to see how cool we really are. 

And I'm not angry. I feel calm. I'm weak. Pathetic. It doesn't matter though. If I can hurt them, they are weaker. 

I'm looking forward to go back to school.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

> "But I do still think they _deserved_ it. I think they _deserve worse than_ what they got from me."

You are not the moral/life police, it is not upon you to rain down judgements and punishment on people because you say so. No one gave you that authority, you have taken it upon yourself. 

Stop trying to justify your actions on some kind of moral code - that's not a good enough reason. You are not above the law.

> "I know this is wrong so people should punish me for it. "

You have masochistic tendencies (i.e., punish me so that I may derive pleasure from it). These are normal for people with your background, like I said. You want people to treat you the way you feel about yourself. Some will, some won't. I belong firmly in the latter camp.

> "I hurt them, someone else hurt me. That's fair, I'd say. You could say we shouldn't hurt people at all, but we need pain to make things work."

No. 

Your excuse for making people hurt, is just that, an excuse. Once again, you are not the judge on what's fair and what's not. You are not the justice police.

If you want to convince me these girls "deserve" you bullying them, then you're going to have to try a different excuse. I'm not buying your self-inflicted martyrdom, in fact all it's doing is making me see just how vulnerable you truly feel.

Stop projecting and try and see past these feelings. They are raw, they are intense, I understand that - but you cannot take how you feel and then colour the whole world with that paintbrush. This is what I'm trying to make you see.

Your feelings are justified, but to say the whole world works on how you feel is not.

> "What I'm doing is basic human stuff. Very basic human stuff. "Poor me, I'll go hurt people". It's been around since the first humans, I think. "

Of course, but what separates strong people from weak people is those that overcome their martyrdom and other issues to find healthier ways of relating to people.

I'd also like to point out that within this thread - your view of yourself is not consistent. You earlier mentioned that you had problems, now you're saying you're fine. Your lack of internal consistency is pointing to a psychological problem, not a moral issue like you're trying to make it out to be.

> "I'm not responsible for anything ever. I destroy what I please, it's not my job to build it up again. Don't you see? It's perfect teamwork. I destroy, someone else build. Humans are so cool that way. We need to see how cool we really are."

I lol'd. Are you high? But thanks OP, I do actually consider myself as pretty cool, but I don't try to destroy things either. Nor do I feel the need to normally, only when I'm mad. But my anger is transient so I let it go, or have a nap. You should try having a nap.

Anyway, you are free to act on impulse, but that makes you no better than a sociopath. You are not a sociopath. Don't go full sociopath. Destruction feels "sexy" at the time, that lack of control, that emotional release, the adrenaline etc, whatever. But let's be real OP, afterwards, you'll only go back to feeling like shit again. Then you'll come back asking people to treat you like shit or tell you they hate you.

Can you honestly say that people (healthy people) would act in such a way? 

This frantic sporadic "I HATE EVERYTHING - I DESTROY EVERYTHING - WON'T SOMEONE DESTROY ME? I'M WEAK!" is a symptom of what's going on internally. But you project it outwards then declare "this is the way things are meant to be."

Sorry bud, I'm going to have to rain on your parade with that one.

> "And I'm not angry. I feel calm. I'm weak. Pathetic. It doesn't matter though. If I can hurt them, they are weaker."

Yeah you might feel calm now, but when you come back with another "woe is me" you don't sound very calm.

Also, if you feel a need to destroy something, that's anger talking. You may not be aware of it, but your use of the word "destruction" connotes rage.

This is behaviour is called "splitting" you should google it if you have the time.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@JungleDelRey
You might not even exist. That's funny. Nobody is the real "justice police". Not even the law, as it is based on what humans said and decided. So I could be the justice police if I wanted to. It wouldn't matter. You could say it was wrong, but are you the justice police then? It's just the same. 

I'm not high. I guess you didn't mean that as a serious question, but I've never even tried drugs. But humans are so complex and stupid and cute and all. We're cool.

Well, at least I'll have something to do. Something to follow, a pattern, right. That's nice. 

Hey, it's actually a perfectly crafted system. I go have fun, I go get punished (which I'll also kind of like), I go have fun... Where's the downside? Oh, well, depends on the punishment, doesn't it? Ah, but I like chaos too. Isn't it great? It's perfect.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

School said:


> @JungleDelRey
> You might not even exist. That's funny. Nobody is the real "justice police". Not even the law, as it is based on what humans said and decided. So I could be the justice police if I wanted to. It wouldn't matter. You could say it was wrong, but are you the justice police then? It's just the same.
> 
> I'm not high. I guess you didn't mean that as a serious question, but I've never even tried drugs. *But humans are so complex and stupid and cute and all. We're cool.
> ...


I don't like chaos though. The lack of consistency inherent to chaos is a bit too much for me. Maybe I'm just getting old, or maybe i just prefer to have smoother dealings with people.

The law doesn't exist to be the justice police though - it was crafted as a way of ensuring people did not use violence against each other and if they did, the victim needed some kind of non-violent way of seeking retribution. The law is not meant to be perfect, it's meant to keep people civilised - which is exactly the opposite of what you want to do. But this is about political philosophy and it goes way beyond the scope of this thread.

No, it wasn't a serious question, I was being facetious.

The bolded bit is the splitting I was talking about; you take good things, and exaggerate them, then take bad things, and exaggerate them. It appears you don't know how to take the good and the bad TOGETHER and be okay with that - i.e., without sounding a little flippant.

Wanting to cause destruction and indulge in chaos sounds like a reflection of your emotional state, it's not how the world works.

It's people, like yourself, taking their anger out on others as a way of splitting from it.

You can't say chaos is the way the world works or it's some "system" because true chaos is in nature, and even then, there's always some "higher purpose" to it (by that I mean, nothing happens in a vacuum, there was a reason that caused it.)

The version of chaos you are championing is self-inflicted and self-made, it is not true chaos. It's, for lack of a better word, "madness" aka lack of psychological consistency/internal harmony.

edit: the law I was talking about is in recent years, not like biblical times.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@JungleDelRey
You didn't even comment on the cute picture. 

How does the world work then? Yeah, okay, everything is connected. Stupid butterfly thing. 

Well. It's the closest I'll get to true chaos. It's still nice.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

School said:


> @JungleDelRey
> You didn't even comment on the cute picture.
> 
> How does the world work then? Yeah, okay, everything is connected. Stupid butterfly thing.
> ...


A wise perc member once told me "everything is everything," I felt a rage so hard I wanted to smash him with a spanner through my computer screen.

It's cute.


Well.... the way the world works depends on how you see it.
I see the world as being harmonious - only because I prefer harmonious dealings with people. That is the way _my_ world works and I project that on to other people. That's primarily why I'm not all up in your grill.

What would you want from the world? If you could be truly honest with yourself. What do you want from the world that you feel is lacking?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@JungleDelRey
What I feel is lacking? I don't know. The world seems to have it all. It's there for me to take, so what could be lacking?


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

School said:


> What I feel is lacking? I don't know. The world seems to have it all. It's there for me to take, so what could be lacking?


Why do you feel entitled to it? Why don't you try earning it?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

JungleDelRey said:


> Why do you feel entitled to it? Why don't you try earning it?


Why not + laziness.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

School said:


> Why not + laziness.


:laughing:

That's definitely not how the world works (for me.) But I know people on benefits/food stamps with the same attitude. You sound like you'd find your people amongst them.

Also people in prison tbh. 


Do you consider yourself to be similar to such people?


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

JungleDelRey said:


> :laughing:
> 
> That's definitely not how the world works (for me.) But I know people on benefits/food stamps with the same attitude. You sound like you'd find your people amongst them.
> 
> ...


We even have a verb we use when people don't bother working so they just get money from the state. (We use the same word when talking about people who actually can't work, so it's a little confusing, and sometimes it's about people who are just taking a paid holiday in a way, difficult to explain that last one). 

Maybe.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

School said:


> We even have a verb we use when people don't bother working so they just get money from the state. (We use the same word when talking about people who actually can't work, so it's a little confusing, and sometimes it's about people who are just taking a paid holiday in a way, difficult to explain that last one).
> 
> *Maybe.*


So basically, you see yourself as similar to those with similar belief systems, you just want to be the special one that doesn't get caught even though you want to cause a lot of damage because destruction feels good?

That "system" is called "poor people" (the negative stereotype of them) and criminals.

So here's the solution I propose:

- Move out of your parents house and find a 1 bed rat infested place within an area of social deprivation.
- Find people with similar chaotic tendencies.
- Sign up for "scrounger" benefits (that's what we call them) by faking a mental illness - clearly you should would do well with sociopathy, just show the government officials this thread

- rock, the, fuck, out.

So maybe, you don't want answers, you just want to find a way to justify your beliefs? In which case, I've found a way for you to do so in real life, online is for pussies 

ps - you're heading down that road if you keep reinforcing your 'it's mine for the taking, you are weak, let me be the one to punish you' path

I guess the question now is, do you really envisage such a life for yourself? Is that truly what you want? I doubt it.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

@JungleDelRey
Nah. I want to be an engineer, I don't have time for that. I'll just have to hide better, that's all. I know I'm lazy, unless it's something I care about. 

After that, I'm going to buy a nice house deep in the forest. 

Why would I need to justify my beliefs? They're mine. edit: I _wanted _answers. Not sure what is going on now though.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

School said:


> @JungleDelRey
> Nah. I want to be an engineer, I don't have time for that. I'll just have to hide better, that's all. I know I'm lazy, unless it's something I care about.
> 
> After that, I'm going to buy a nice house deep in the forest.
> ...


Irritation.

You can't hide such destructive tendencies forever. I'm not sure how you think you can. But good luck to you if you try. People will see past your facade at some point, they legit always do. It's weird how life works like that. 

I'm not sure why you can't see that your destructive tendencies are about _you_ not the world. You seem to think it's okay to enforce your beliefs onto the world and then declare people "deserve" that.

I can't fathom the logical processes you've gone through to get to that point.

Your problems are yours. No one elses. So to then say "well I can do what I like because why not?" shows a significant amount of immaturity on your part.

One I'm hoping you'll soon grow out of.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

JungleDelRey said:


> Irritation.
> 
> You can't hide such destructive tendencies forever. I'm not sure how you think you can. But good luck to you if you try. People will see past your facade at some point, they legit always do. It's weird how life works like that sometimes though.


Did you watch Pirates of the Caribbean? Jack is on that ship and the guards are asking him why, and he tells them the truth but they won't believe it. Well, he messed it up though, but other than that. I can usually just tell the truth and people will chuckle and they'll forget about it.

Seriously though, it works. Everything from big scale to small scale. My uncle asked me why I was building a small tower of the small characters in this game, Carcassonne. I told him "I'm pretending to do something, so I don't have to help clean up". He didn't ask me to stop or anything. It worked. I also have bigger examples but I'm not going into those now.


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## School (Apr 29, 2014)

JungleDelRey said:


> I'm not sure why you can't see that your destructive tendencies are about _you_ not the world. You seem to think it's okay to enforce your beliefs onto the world and then declare people "deserve" that.
> 
> I can't fathom the logical processes you've gone through to get to that point.
> 
> ...


I might as well think like that. Hey, people put their stupid problems on me all the time, or on the world, so why can't I do it? It's only fair. In my life, I'm the most important person. I can only feel my own feelings, I mean truly, so why wouldn't that be the most important for me?


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## Word Dispenser (May 18, 2012)

School said:


> Okay, to be honest, why is it so difficult for some people to understand that it's not always easy to find a hobby? I have actually tried over ten years. I'm 17, and I started before I was 7. I tried things like gymnastics back then (I don't know if that's the right word but I think you understand what I mean), and my parents made me join different things to see if I liked any of it. And don't think I stopped because of the people, because they were usually nice, but I just didn't like doing the thing. I didn't just give up after that, I'd give it time, usually weeks or months.
> 
> Why do you do that? Why do you have to doubt something you know nothing about? I just don't see the point in that.
> 
> ...


Lol, you were _seven. _A lot of what you tried then, you'll see with completely different eyes. Everything you do is transient-- When you're 26 (not _even _10 years)-- You'll look back on 17 and think what a silly girl you were. Trust me. I know.

Seriously-- You're only weak because that's what you choose to think about yourself. It's time to grow up and get some self-discipline.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

School said:


> *I might as well think like that. Hey, people put their stupid problems on me all the time, or on the world, so why can't I do it?* It's only fair. In my life, I'm the most important person. I can only feel my own feelings, I mean truly, so why wouldn't that be the most important for me?


BINGO.

Alright OP, I'mma go all Freud up in this bitch. Take everything I say with a spoon, not pinch, of salt.

Here we go.

Your problems are socially conditioned. That anger you feel is at your parents. They are not "good" people, but they are still your parents so you expect them to be "good" people. By that I mean, this is how a child would ideally like to see their parents: as good, infallible human beings who love their children more than anything else in the world.

This is how Splitting works - the child takes the good aspects of their parents and defends that image at all costs. The bad aspects are "split" off from the parents and then assigned to anyone who even shows a semblance of that bad behaviour: you go online and bully weak pathetic girls, because you like them to feel pain.

That's your mother - the depressed person you probably view as "weak" and "pathetic" also. But the child in you who wants to protect the image of her will not allow any bad to be said about her. If you notice your posts, you've said you love her more than anything, and only in passing did you mention her depression.

Your father on the other hand, well he's a gambling addict. Inherent to him will be incredibly selfish behaviours because the nature of his addiction means it cannot be easily hidden from others - losing money real quick is not something one can sweep under the rug. In order then, to protect and persevere with his addiction, he has to employ four ego-defence strategies (i.e., I may be a gambling addict who's failing at his responsibilities as a father, but I'm actually still a great person!):

- projection
- minimisation
- denial
- rationalisation.

In this thread, you have employed all 4 tactics to avoid you having to take responsibility for your cruelty:

- projection: "i'm weak but they are weaker"
- minimisation: "i'll be fine so long as i don't get caught, how do i not get caught guise?"
- denial: "we're all bad, we're all cool, human being man"
- rationalisation: "well, they deserve it."

=========
What we're seeing here, OP, is your inability to take good aspects of your childhood and the bad (which has to come with it) to form a coherent, consistent identity: "my identity is not consistent"
and everything else you say that is weird.

Like I have said, everything, from all the violence you've done, is NORMAL based on your childhood. You are going through a normal teenage identity forming stage (starts during adolescence).

However, the fact you moved around so often as a child meant that you probably did not have access to stable adults to mitigate the dysfunction of your parents' bad behaviours.

Now you're stuck trying to form an identity when your two role models fall incredibly short of the infallible ideal.

======

You're not a sociopath, you just need to deal with your past. Your parents were not perfect, and as such they weren't good role models. Do not take the bad bits of their behaviour and then form an identity from it.

You're better than that, you just need to make better choices.

Seek help for your anger - it's the emotion that serves as a tension release for the Splitting and upcoming stress it can cause.

"Anger is a secondary emotion" what it really masks is sadness. You're sad. It's okay to be sad. You don't need to protect that vulnerability. Embrace it, then you'll stop being such a jackass to everyone.

====

/freud

edit: "people put their stupid problems on me all the time" - given the fact you moved over 20 times during childhood, I think what you really mean is "my parents." There's no way with all that moving that you could be talking about the same set of a group of people "all the time". The only people that would be constant would be your parents.


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## ElliCat (May 4, 2014)

School said:


> Seriously though, it works. Everything from big scale to small scale. My uncle asked me why I was building a small tower of the small characters in this game, Carcassonne. I told him "I'm pretending to do something, so I don't have to help clean up". He didn't ask me to stop or anything. It worked. I also have bigger examples but I'm not going into those now.


It sounds like they've given up on you.

You want to be an engineer? My boyfriend is one, and I studied with a few of them as well. You are going to have to learn to deal with shitty people. No one has time for these sorts of antics in the workplace, especially if you're out on a worksite somewhere and have health and safety to deal with. 

I fully sympathise with you; I don't like a lot of people and I think they bring a lot of their own problems on themselves. But I'm guilty of the same thing too, sometimes. As are you. And unfortunately the world keeps turning no matter how you feel about justice or your dreams or whatever else. It's much smarter to face your own demons - those you actually have a chance of controlling, no matter how hopeless it all feels right now - and to work on making yourself someone that better people are attracted to. Sure it sucks at first, but it is really empowering when you make a breakthrough and it sounds to me like that's what you need. Learn to function within the system and reap its benefits - if you try to sow chaos they'll eventually want to shut you out (prison, mental ward, etc). That way you'll be able to work and save up enough money for your house in the woods, and you don't risk getting locked up before you have a chance to achieve any of that.

It's obvious that you're not going to fully beat this without some intense therapy. I understand that it's going to be too difficult to start now. What you _can_ do is prepare yourself for it. Get a head start. Seriously think about the difficult questions - those ones you can't answer - and try to figure out your fears and your motivations and the way you think. Someone mentioned Enneagram: it's a good start, and the information is already here on this site. The more self-awareness you have, the easier a time you are going to have when you finally are able to see a therapist. I know this from experience. 

And take heart that there _are_ still questions you still can't answer. It means that you haven't figured out everything. It means that there's hope that you can get through this.


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## izebize (Jan 31, 2012)

School said:


> @_izebize_
> "They'll find something's very wrong with you" and "people like you end up in the ward anyways". So what you're saying, not directly of course, is that I should stay away from help? Because I have things I want to do, like finishing school and all, I can't have them ruin that for me. Well, I'm on my way to ruin that myself, but I don't need their help for that.


Why, are you getting help? Do you want to? It seems like you don't. Lady O.W. Bro was right, you came here to validate your actions and sadly, it seems that other members are quick to do that. I'm not going to give a pat on your back though.
What I meant is that if you don't get professional help now, things might turn nasty once you face the challenges of adult life and if you keep on hurting others in real life too, someone might just call the cops on you and then you'll probably end up in a psych ward, or a prison. And prisons might be nice in Norway but having a criminal record never is. And if you want to live a relatively good life you'll want to stay away from trouble, not get into it.



School said:


> And don't feel sorry for those girls... all the rest


You know, what I find disturbing here is your lack of empathy, and the fact that your sadism is not exclusive to that site's forum. If it was "just" the cyber-bullying, then I'd say yeah, you're a troubled teenager with anger problems who needs some good therapy. But physically hurting your friends on purpose and not being able to put yourself into other's shoes just screams for a psychiatric issue. That's why you should see a good psychiatrist, maybe even two to get a second opinion, because in this case therapy alone won't help you, it might even make matters worse. That's what I was trying to get through in my first post but you chose to ignore it, just like you chose to ignore all the other advices members gave you. So there you go, that's all I wanted to say. I'm not replying to this thread anymore because it's futile.


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## Pancreatic Pandora (Aug 16, 2013)

School said:


> @_Pancreatic Pandora_
> It's also for fun, not just fixing their weakness but laugh at their weakness. Get the response I want, that be hate or pictures of cuts. Or both.
> 
> 1. They've already done that a few times. It's very easy to change your IP address by using Tor browser, for example. Or just use a different computer.
> ...


1. If there isn't any way to block your access to that site then you'd need to learn self-control. However, I'm not sure if you actually want to do that?
2. Yeah, you said you didn't like the system, right? You didn't explain yourself though, at least in the few posts that I've read, so I can't comment on that. But I've experienced how children and teen psychologists work (not in Norway) and I don't think it should be an obstacle. I think the fact that you are becoming aware of your problem would be helpful in your treatment.
3. I believe you do have a problem with anger and a few other people on this thread seem to agree too =/.

I think @JungleDelRey made some really interesting observations that deserve your consideration too.


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## DAPHNE XO (Jan 16, 2012)

Oh I'd just like to add OP, I'm not judging you at all for anything you've said here. I went through the same sorts of problems but my own parents' dysfunction was different. 

To judge you would be hypocritical of me -(my mum is a hypocrite, and I can't fucking stand that behaviour. So I don't do it.)


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