# NT comfortable with emotion



## nablur (Mar 9, 2017)

atamagasuita said:


> Everyone has emotions right?


wrong


----------



## nablur (Mar 9, 2017)

i had an INTP friend who married an ISFJ social justice warrior type. she, and the daily weed + weekly shrooms fucked his brain up... he was obvious (to me) upset, but continued to talk about how emotions are the only things that really mattered... through a stoic face of rock, and the look of hatred in his eyes.


----------



## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

nablur said:


> wrong


Except for psychopaths ofcourse


----------



## Baracuda902 (Mar 26, 2017)

In terms of social contexts, I have a bit of trouble going out on emotional limbs unless they matter to me. For example: Two acquaintances arguing about an inconvenience will involve me stoically settling shit. A friend of mine arguing with someone will have me go "Hold on a minute, I got shit to say!" 

Also, if they involve shouting at the rooftop levels of pissed or eccentric silliness, I'm find with doing that regularly. With close friends, I'm fine with expressing insecure thoughts and shit, even if I later think back "Wow, what was I thinking saying that?"


----------



## Figure (Jun 22, 2011)

I'm still pretty uncomfortable dealing with my own emotions, and those of other people even if I care deeply about them. 

On the whole, I'm lucky to be a generally "happy person" in my everyday life - not excessively happy, but just overall content in the big picture of things (despite getting readily frustrated over little issues). When I am feeling particularly happy, excited, or joyous about something, though, it's typical for other people to be able to read those emotions in me. I tend to joke around, make more off-the-cuff decisions, and be almost kind of ornery. My comfort level with these emotions is quite high. 

The emotions I am _not_ comfortable with are anger, disappointment, frustration, and (especially) of not being respected. Although for an INTJ I'm usually pretty "positive," I do get exacerbated by people and situations that, to me, shouldn't be the way they are and find this outrage hard to accept. I know more instinctively if I wanted to just fly off the handle and go absolutely ballistic, the energy is just right there - and that scares me a bit, because I really don't have a way to know what I would actually do as a bull with a red flag. So the discomfort here is extremely high. 

One area where Type Theory has helped me in my life is to allot some time to be alone and undistracted, and really take a pulse of how I'm feeling, at least once a day. I wouldn't have thought to do this without knowing that my type is weaker in Feeling but needs stability there. During this time I really think hard as to whether negative feelings need to be as negative as they currently are, and if they do, what would be a healthy thing to do with them. And, if I'm feeling really great - to feel grateful for that experience in comparison with people who may not have it quite so well. 

Another big thing I'm working on is to try and read others' emotions more accurately. I'm getting better at imagining what someone else is probably feeling based on their expressions and actions, and why they may have gotten to that point. I find I'm not always right, but at least can better navigate my relationships this way.


----------



## Temizzle (May 14, 2017)

Figure said:


> I'm still pretty uncomfortable dealing with my own emotions, and those of other people even if I care deeply about them.
> 
> On the whole, I'm lucky to be a generally "happy person" in my everyday life - not excessively happy, but just overall content in the big picture of things (despite getting readily frustrated over little issues). When I am feeling particularly happy, excited, or joyous about something, though, it's typical for other people to be able to read those emotions in me. I tend to joke around, make more off-the-cuff decisions, and be almost kind of ornery. My comfort level with these emotions is quite high.
> 
> ...


Nice man, good work, keep at it. 

I would add on that feeling negative emotions pain sadness disappointment are a natural part of life and we need those -- most people try to sweep them under the rug because they feel bad but they are so important because they tell us we are not going where we truly want to go. 

Additionally, I think modern society has spoiled us into taking our existence for granted. Strip away all the modern commotion and we are really in a very strange and wonderful place, treading each day experiencing things we can only experience for a very limited amount of time. I can find a lot of joy in just taking a moment to appreciate even the little things -- a pretty sunset, kids having fun, enjoying a movie with a friend -- I think it's that taking a moment to just appreciate how amazing the things we take for granted are makes all the difference. 

Kudos and good luck.


----------



## bihon (Apr 15, 2011)

Back to personality cafe after three years! (Ack, seems like the site isnt as active now, used to post here in my teens).

In reply to the thread: I was just reading through my posts from about five years ago, from my highschool self. I sound like a robot from back then, which I do not identify with as much anymore? 

Majority of my friends during that timeline were surprising NF's... they have brought out my feeling side quite honestly (I've been infected help!). While I still do stonewall people away from my emotion, often strangers and coworkers - I will never have any emotional input or reaction towards conversations. People still think I'm unfriendly and hard to approach haha. However, I am more comfortable with expressing what I feel towards loved ones and friends. I've decided it's healthier that way, I do quite like the open communication.

Even these NF friends always tell me how much of a hermit I used to be, (literally, and emotionally) before they dragged me out of my shell? I could not recall how, really, up until I read through my pc posts 😂. Make more NF friends, empathize if you can, then the real empathy might surface?? O.O


----------



## atamagasuita (May 15, 2016)

bihon said:


> Back to personality cafe after three years! (Ack, seems like the site isnt as active now, used to post here in my teens).
> 
> In reply to the thread: I was just reading through my posts from about five years ago, from my highschool self. I sound like a robot from back then, which I do not identify with as much anymore?
> 
> ...


Yes me too. I can relate with you. Probably it's the third function developing - Fe.. How old r u? In your 20s already? XD 

I also developed my emotions through my Fe friends. Got an enfj bestfriend. ;p i learned alot of social hacks on her xD


----------



## Judson Joist (Oct 25, 2013)

I wouldn't trade my "emo" tendencies for anything! The manic highs give me inspiration and the depressive lows grant me insight (while also amping up my capacity to empathize with others). The only time I'm critical of others being overcome by irrational emotion is when it makes them hostile.

*Edit:* I didn't realize I'd already responded to this thread.


----------



## Allersky (Nov 22, 2017)

I'm comfortable _having _emotions. That doesn't mean I'm good at expressing/dealing with them, but I'm not terrified of their existence. They're just another part of human experience and have a functional reason for existing. The only time they're swept under the carpet is when they're getting in the way - in that case, they can wait until it's convenient for me to deal to them.

On the other hand, _expressing_ emotions can be tricky. Especially the unpleasant ones. I don't often get sad - I get angry. And I don't share deeper emotions with many people, partially because it's uncomfortable and partially because I don't want to create an awkward atmosphere if they're not well-received. There are times where I have no idea _why_ I'm feeling something, either, as I'm much better at explaining my thoughts than feelings. So while I'm comfortable with the existence of my emotions, I'm not so comfortable when it comes to expressing/processing what's going on.

As for handling other people's emotions: when I think the emotions are justified, I'm fine. When someone's in tears, I'm much better at lightening the mood once they've calmed down, but I'm not utterly inept at offering comfort and understanding before that. 

Irrational emotions, however, I have to consciously exercise patience. When an ESFP friend gets overwhelmed by Fi, it's the last thing I want to deal with. So I _supply_ the rationality instead. I find it hard to completely sympathise with him (it's an over-reaction to me and I don't understand why he suddenly seems to implode), but I get that he's feeling upset, so I do my best to help.

As an additional point on irrationality, I don't like people being over-dramatic when the slightest inconvenience happens to them. In those situations, you're more likely to get shut down than sympathy.


----------

