# Keirsey's Ideal Match



## WickedQueen (Jun 1, 2009)

According to Keirsey, every type's ideal romantic match is their complete opposite...except for the second letter, which must be the same.

This will lead us to these ideal match types:
ENFJ - INTP 
ENFP - INTJ 
 
ENTP - INFJ
 ENTJ - INFP

ESFJ - ISTP 
ESFP - ISTJ 

ESTJ - ISFP
ESTP - ISFJ

My questions are:


Are/were you in a relationship with your ideal match? If yes, how do you view your relationship? How much do/did you drawn to each other?
How do you see it compare with your past/current relationship with other types?
How strong the connection is/was? Do you feel the same connection with other person whose your ideal match, but is not your partner? For example, if you are an INFP and you're in a relationship with ENTJ, do you feel the strong connection with other ENTJs like the way you feel to your ENTJ?


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## OrangeAppled (Jun 26, 2009)

Ideally, I want an ENFJ.....I feel like an ENTJ might nitpick me to death, but then I haven't dated one.
That answers none of your questions, but I felt like declaring my love for ENFJs.


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## Tkae (Oct 15, 2009)

My shortlist for types I want a relationship with is:

ESTP
ISTJ
ISFJ

I really don't want a relationship with another iNtuitor. A relationship with another N seems like a relationship with myself, and I have way too much knowledge of myself to EVER think I'd possibly want another one of me... lol


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## Korvyna (Dec 4, 2009)

WickedQueen said:


> My questions are:
> 
> 
> Are/were you in a relationship with your ideal match? If yes, how do you view your relationship? How much do/did you drawn to each other?
> ...


1. Looking back I'm pretty sure he was an ISFJ... I thought he was an ISTP at first, but he really was pretty sensitive to people and WAY too nice sometimes. And he certainly had a knack for remembering nearly everything I told him about things going on in my life. Our relationship was a bit odd though... We were like a roller coaster. Things might have been different if he had a different job and I wasn't taking classes and working full time. We would talk on the phone every night one week... And then wouldn't talk on the phone at all the next week. It was bizarre. I had an odd feeling about him in the beginning... But I always wanted to be around him more than any of the other potential guys I was seeing.... He never did let me in his head, so I never knew how he really felt about me.

2. Well an ISFJ was WAY better for me than an ENFJ. Me and the ENFJ fought like cats and dogs. I do get along well with some INTJs. I seem to do well around ESFPs... As long as they don't go off on a crazy tangent. And by crazy I mean actin' a fool 24/7. Phew, that guy... what a piece of work. (sorry, memories of this ESFP I dated. Total nut job. :crazy

3.I'm not really sure. I am still fairly new to "typing" people. So I'm not sure of how many other ISFJs I've been around. 

When it comes to SJs, I have to find one that can handle someone who really is spontaneaous. Most of my friends have learned that I typically don't know what I'm doing on the weekend until Friday. So as long as the SJ wasn't someone that had to have plans set in stone... It would be a decent relationship. :laughing:


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## entpreter (Aug 5, 2009)

WickedQueen said:


> According to Keirsey, every type's ideal romantic match is their complete opposite...except for the second letter, which must be the same.
> 
> This will lead us to these ideal match types:
> 
> ...


 
Never dated an INFJ. Not even sure I know a male one, but I probably do. I'm not a fan of Keirsey's theory as I think it is too narrow-minded: the type descriptions, the romantic pairings, etc. 

1. Regardless, I think that I was best matched with an INTJ a few years ago. He's been the only person that I could have seen myself with for the long haul. I felt at peace around him, like I could finally breath. He made the most sense to me, literally. I cannot speak for him. 

2. I've only felt like that once before the INTJ, but not to the same degree, and have never felt like that since.

3. I don't know that many other INTJs, at least not men who I know are that. I have felt a connection to and respect for ISTJs, INFJs and people who I assume are INTJs, but not nearly as much as I have had with said INTJ from a few years back. A big difference is age, physical attraction, common interests, as well as similar past experiences and upbringing. These aren't things that all of one type share, and so just because I'm supposed to like INFJs or INTJs, each person is an individual. 

On another note, it's good to see a post from you WikedQueen. It's been a long time or I have just been hiding in the NT threads for too long: )


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## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

Well, the answer to ques. 1 is no, so I can't answer the others. But I'd say that the ENFP/ENTP are my ideasl types, Maybe the INTP too, since they're so similiar to INTJ's.


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## chelleblu (Dec 20, 2009)

I've been in relationships with mostly SJs and NTs, but never an ESTJ. They didn't work out for one reason or another, but I've become very good friends with an ESTJ and am completely in love like never before. It could be random, but I'm being drawn to him for a reason.


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## Aerorobyn (Nov 11, 2009)

I don't think I have ever had a relationship (or dated) an ESFJ. I'm not even sure I'd like it, they may get on my nerves. I wouldn't be opposed to dating one if I liked them though, I guess. 

In the past I have had relationships with/dated: ISTP, ESTP, INTP, INTJ, and ESFx (I think more ESFP). 

I have managed to keep pretty solid friendships with the ESTP, INTP, and INTJ. I don't really care about the ISTP or the ESFP. 

I thoroughly enjoyed my time spent with the ESTP and ISTP because we had so much in common, and they didn't care to sit around and have these long in-depth conversations over stuff I really don't care about; they were more action-oriented like me, and we could related to each other through activities, as opposed to mundane words. 

Anyways, I'm not sure what my "ideal" type is; probably not any of these five, though. I want to try an ENFP.


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## Narrator (Oct 11, 2009)

Can't say I've an ideal match, but INFJs and sometimes ESFPs are those who I'm attracted to.

ExtJ...Hmm, don't know if I could take great doses of Te (which is what I have least of, by faaaaar)...maybe it'd be a case of brocolli, hate it but it's so good for me -_-. I fear we'd end up at each other's throats, hey, I suppose there'd be passion.


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## Siggy (May 25, 2009)

I'm with Tkae. I dont think I can handle another "N". especially another "NT" Yes we would have great discussions about physics and Freud, but the intensity would be too much. Plus nothing would ever get done. I can see it now: Forget the painting the house, lets watch a documentary on complexity theory.

I think my ideal match would be a ISFJ, ISTP or an ESFJ


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## parallel (Aug 18, 2009)

I used to hang with this girl who I believe is ENFJ; very powerful connection -- totally magical would probably describe it best :crazy:. She asked me out eventually, but drugs are a central component in her life and thus it didn't progress any further because I don't want that in my life again.

Anyway, on to your questions: 

1. No.
2. Never been in a relationship because I'm really picky, but I'm sure ENFJ is compatible with me.
3. I was friends with an ENFJ starting in elementary for about four years. We had a strong connection, almost like that between family, but he gradually lost credibility with his tendency to be two-faced and manipulative. The negative side of him came out when his parents had marital issues.


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## Highlander (Dec 20, 2009)

I've had two significant relationships - one with an ISFP and one with an ISFJ. 

I did date an ENFP (the ideal match)  once in college and was crazy about her. Unfortunately she didn't know or couldn't tell, and things fizzled. It was short but during that time, I think complete and utter infatuation would be the best way to describe it. 

The ISFP was beautiful, nice, smart, affectionate, and a really wonderful person. What I didn't like is that I had to aways make every decision and the traditional thinking. We were just very different. The ENFP was not nearly so good looking but we just clicked in a way that I had never experienced before. 

The ISFJ, I'm with now and so I won't say anything


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## Vanitas (Dec 13, 2009)

*Are/were you in a relationship with your ideal match? If yes, how do you view your relationship? How much do/did you drawn to each other?*
I've had INFP, but it didn't work too well. I couldn't read the nuances of complicated emotions/ mental process (?) he had and he wouldn't just _say_ it when there's a problem. I tried baiting him, and he didn't bite/ complain or anything. We never fought, and I think that's part of the problem.

I was younger, and less wise/mature. By then I took his lack of 'fight' as "He doesn't care, why should I?" and proceeded to neglect the relationship.

*How do you see it compare with your past/current relationship with other types?*
It was one of my worse ones, but it might be the guy/ me instead of the type.

*How strong the connection is/was? Do you feel the same connection with other person whose your ideal match, but is not your partner? For example, if you are an INFP and you're in a relationship with ENTJ, do you feel the strong connection with other ENTJs like the way you feel to your ENTJ?*
In general I don't tend to surround myself with INFPs (RL), maybe they just pass my radar..or that they run from my kind. Since I can't think of other INFPs on top of my head, I wouldn't know.


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## INFpharmacist (Aug 7, 2009)

I'm not in a relationship with my ideal match (ENTP). And to cut to the chase, I am no longer attracted to extroverts.


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## djf863000 (Nov 7, 2009)

I have been in relationships with an ESTJ, some years ago. I don't think I want to date one again, well I am married now, so this out of the question. I also dated some ENFJ, they were fun, but they were also a hand full. I married an ESFJ. I don't know if this is my perfect match, if there is such a thing, but I feel we complement each other, eventhough there are moments where we don't fully understand each other.

Personally I am equally attracted to I and E, in different ways. I think I could live with my own type. I find Shyness cute and very attractive.


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## Perseus (Mar 7, 2009)

WickedQueen said:


> According to Keirsey, every type's ideal romantic match is their complete opposite...except for the second letter, which must be the same.
> 
> This will lead us to these ideal match types:
> ENFJ - INTP




ENFJ Tony Blair x INTP Cherie Blair

I don't agree it is the best. ENFP x INTP would seem to be best. But this ignores the Mother-in-Law.


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## VenusMisty (Dec 29, 2009)

I'm not sure I agree with that. Are we focusing more on what people are drawn to, or what would actually be good for them? Sometimes I think people are drawn to the opposite type of perception (N or S). I like ISTPs and we tend to get along well. I find my own S getting a bit more prominent when I'm with them,and that they become a little more N when they are with me. I have never actually dated an INFJ. I really like S's.


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

WickedQueen said:


> ...
> ENTJ - INFP...


Ideal match in Hell.... yes.


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## Aleksei (Apr 3, 2010)

WickedQueen said:


> According to Keirsey, every type's ideal romantic match is their complete opposite...except for the second letter, which must be the same.
> 
> This will lead us to these ideal match types:
> ENFJ - INTP
> ...


I think the idea that my ideal match must be my typological opposite is completely bogus. I shudder at the thought of being in a serious relationship with a Judger -- She'd nag me to death.


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## Costello (Jan 14, 2010)

I think Keirsey's idea was that these pairings are the most 'useful' to each other. For example, the ENTJ can give clear direction to an INFP's 'cause'. I'd imagine (and kind of hope) that the easiest relationship would be between two people of the same type, because there would rarely be any misunderstanding. Maybe it could get boring after a while though.

But Socionics has an interesting idea that the ideal relationship would be with your almost opposite type -except for the P/J. People often think that S/N is the biggest barrier between people, but I actually think this is down to the two types not learning to understand each other enough. I can understand opposites with P/J not working though, because as Aleksei said, the perceiver might feel like they're being nagged. And the judger could view the perceiver as too lazy!


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## Mark R (Dec 23, 2015)

Ixim said:


> IMO, the perfect relationships are:





Ixim said:


> *ENTP < - > INTJ*


I doubt if there are enough INTJ women for the ENTP men.








What It's Like Being an INTJ Woman


While INTJ men can generally fit in with other men, many INTJ women don’t fit in with other women—or with anyone at all.




introvertdear.com






> “INTJ women just aren’t typical of women in general. INTJ is the rarest personality type for women.” In fact, at about 0.5 percent of the population, INTJ women might be the rarest of _any_ gender/type combination (perhaps only rivaled by INFJ men).





Sparky said:


> Interestingly, the people you meet in your own generation (plus or minus ~10 years), are all potential love interests.


I've often dated women who have more than a ten year age difference (both older and younger). Compatible personalities are more important than age difference IMHO.


WickedQueen said:


> According to Keirsey, every type's ideal romantic match is their complete opposite...except for the second letter, which must be the same.


I do think there might be something to introverted sensing matching with extroverted sensing. My SO and I are that way. However, SJ's seem to be happier with other SJ's than any other type according to the often quoted Barron and Tieger study. This is because a couple made up of two very orderly people might get along better than two opposites.

My own theory is that opposite facing functions in the ego along with similar big five scores make the best matches.

The thread explaining this theory is here.


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## Sily (Oct 24, 2008)

My opposite going by letters is ESTJ. 

THAT is laughable.

There is no way on god’s green earth that I have EVER listened to who my best match is. It ALWAYS had to do with me and what feels right. That goes double, for best occupation.

Here’s the thing about adopting recommendations from others. Sometimes the “others” are nuts 🥜.

For me, opposites attract but don’t LAST.


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## Sparky (Mar 15, 2010)

@Mark R

10 years is okay, it's more like your parents' generation, which is around 17 years older at least, that people are less attracted to in terms of romantic love interest. This is a result of reincarnation:









Due to Reincarnation, if you are an introvert, any...


People reincarnate as male or female depends on their previous reincarnation as male or female, so for example, an INFJ that is male in 1900, now reincarnates as female in 2000, though will reincarnate as male in 2100. This also appears to determine the people the person reincarnates with, as...




www.personalitycafe.com


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## Mark R (Dec 23, 2015)

Sily said:


> My opposite going by letters is ESTJ.
> 
> THAT is laughable.
> 
> ...


I don't think anyone suggests opposite for every letter. Kiersy suggests keeping the second letter the same. This would produce an INFP + ENTJ couple. This is a little better than the INFP + ESTJ pairing though I don't think this is all that ideal. I think NFP's and NFJ's or even NFP's and STP's work better as couples.



Sparky said:


> @Mark R
> 
> 10 years is okay, it's more like your parents' generation, which is around 17 years older at least, that people are less attracted to in terms of romantic love interest. This is a result of reincarnation:
> 
> ...


This doesn't really match with my worldview, but fine if it works for you.


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## Sparky (Mar 15, 2010)

Mark R said:


> I don't think anyone suggests opposite for every letter. Kiersy suggests keeping the second letter the same. This would produce an INFP + ENTJ couple. This is a little better than the INFP + ESTJ pairing though I don't think this is all that ideal. I think NFP's and NFJ's or even NFP's and STP's work better as couples.
> 
> 
> This doesn't really match with my worldview, but fine if it works for you.


It has to do with reincarnation energy manifesting as personality in physical form, which influences people's attraction, with greater romantic attraction towards those similar in age, or at least within the same generation.

Please read more here:








Clockwise and Counterclockwise Energy as People...


People reincarnate between male and female forms, and likewise, a Clockwise or Counterclockwise Energy can be observed in the mind from the environment. This Clockwise or Counterclockwise Energy might be related to the "Think and You Shall Have Feeling" or "Universal Oneness Feeling" (aka...




www.personalitycafe.com


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

The stereotypical "golden pair" theory of inverting the functions (INFJ-ENFP) is gonna end up like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a love/hate relationship where you simultaneously want them deleted from your memory but can't live without them.


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## Mark R (Dec 23, 2015)

intranst said:


> The stereotypical "golden pair" theory of inverting the functions (INFJ-ENFP) is gonna end up like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a love/hate relationship where you simultaneously want them deleted from your memory but can't live without them.


What pairing do you think works best then?


Sparky said:


> It has to do with reincarnation energy manifesting as personality in physical form, which influences people's attraction, with greater romantic attraction towards those similar in age, or at least within the same generation.
> 
> Please read more here:
> 
> ...


The alternate view, which I follow, is that each soul lives once. Any argument based on reincarnation, even if it is internally logical, doesn't make sense to me because the underlying assumptions don't match up.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

Mark R said:


> What pairing do you think works best then?


I tend to side with Keirsey, with NFP-NTJ for example being the best kind of matches.


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## Sparky (Mar 15, 2010)

Mark R said:


> What pairing do you think works best then?
> 
> The alternate view, which I follow, is that each soul lives once. Any argument based on reincarnation, even if it is internally logical, doesn't make sense to me because the underlying assumptions don't match up.


There are "souls" that cycle in and out of this dimension, though there are other souls that manifest in the physical. Reincarnation energy, with relation to Sensor energy, ties souls to the physical. For this, one has to promise to give up one's life, so that there are less death, especially those that threaten to bring about an extinction level event.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

intranst said:


> The stereotypical "golden pair" theory of inverting the functions (INFJ-ENFP) is gonna end up like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a love/hate relationship where you simultaneously want them deleted from your memory but can't live without them.


In my experience, the closest I had to this was with an INTJ friend. I literally dreamed that I erased every memory I had of him, and completely erased him from my memory. It was in the same dream in which there was a tower burning.

It was a lot like that movie, and I think maybe it has more to do with me or my personality and issues than anything--I think I am an INFP though. But I have a tendency to try to get free of things because I get so stuck in attachment even when it's not working for me.

I think the issue with NTJ is that some NT types can be sort of unsure about their emotions and feelings, and they can also be sort of strategizing (the men I think--I've mostly gotten along really well with NTJ women). And it can come off as emotionally cold and unfeeling, especially if they do something hurtful and then just act like it's fine and nothing happened till way later they realize they actually did care (or choose to act like it).

I think it's easier to understand than Fe in some ways.

Like realistically I think my relationship with my Fe dom ex (I think...idk if he was ENFJ or ESFJ) is a bit more like that in which it's like the Fe dom actually also forgets why we didn't get along, while I remember. So Fe moves on sort of fast but I'm like stuck in the past when you completely destroyed my trust. However, if a Fe type can see and be honest with themselves and me about their own BS then it's fine--I'm not the best at recognizing my own shit but I try. Fe types are a little bit better at pretending they don't have it though imo. 
Like my Fe ex literally doesn't remember the negative things and I will never forget them, which is uncomfortable sometimes and makes me wonder if I'm mean for not letting go even though I know it'd be the same because I gave billions of chances when we were together, but we're also both just individuals and not representatives of a type.

Of course all of this is colored by my dismal failure of a social life so the common denominator is me and I'm not trying to project on those types, but those are some of my experiences.

I think it's got a lot to do with individuals--more than anything.

I really like Te and Te types but there are also issues with connecting. And with Ni too, I find it difficult to communicate sometimes, because I feel like Ni doms are more likely to not want to put as much effort into direct communication, which can get difficult since I also struggle with direct communication. ENTJs probably aren't like this though--they seem more forthcoming with communication. 

EXFJ also communicate a lot but it's not as direct imo, to me, it's more indirect but directing, which can get really confusing.

Basically all that is bullshit except I felt like sharing because I literally dreamed of such a similar scenario as that film and it was after I was hurt by an INTJ friend.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

WickerDeer said:


> In my experience, the closest I had to this was with an INTJ friend. I literally dreamed that I erased every memory I had of him, and completely erased him from my memory. It was in the same dream in which there was a tower burning.
> 
> It was a lot like that movie, and I think maybe it has more to do with me or my personality and issues than anything--I think I am an INFP though. But I have a tendency to try to get free of things because I get so stuck in attachment even when it's not working for me.
> 
> ...


Funny you mention that, I do think TJ women and FP men are the better match than vice versa ironically because the lower Fi in men can really give them identity issues when dealing with typical masculinity and all that. Not that I like to admit that but it is what it is, Fi is sensitive as hell. From a purely cognitive standpoint though, it’s a good match regardless. I think ENTJ is the better match because of that direct communication like you said.

Lol yep, Fe types are still your “friend” even when you go after each other’s throats. An ENFJ I had stopped seeing still offered to be my roommate when we clearly had communication issues.. I don’t understand it, and I of course passed on the offer. And yeah, I agree about the whole indirect directing of higher Fe.


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## intranst (Jul 13, 2021)

@WickerDeer Also I think you’re INFP


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