# Type and processing feelings



## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

I'd love to have a discussion on this. Sure different types process and deal with their feelings differently. Differences are clearly seen between the triads for example. 

I'd assume that head types are the most out of touch with their feelings, especially if their tritype is head fix>gut fix>heart fix. I think that for them paying attention to feelings will never be that comfortable or easy as for other types. For example types 1, 9 and 8 are more in touch with their feelings because they belong to the gut triad. Type 3 is interesting since it's also out of touch due to not wanting to pay attention while still being in the heart triad. I'd love to know how 3s see this.


People, please share and consider feeling related issues like (but not restricted to)


how you perceive your feelings 
how do you process them 
is it easy for you to be aware of them 
what do your feelings mean to you 
how do you perceive people who experience and express their emotions a lot 
how about your gender, do you think you are a stereotypical example of yours? 


Personally I'm not a very emotional person or even very interested in my feelings for other reasons than intellectual curiosity. As such my feelings are not at all important to me. It's just not what I want to focus on which is why I am not very aware of them either. Often very emotional situations even make me uncomfortable. I'm not easily touched or very emotional by myself and at times it's pretty hard to understand how to face others who are and deal with all that so I'd rather avoid these situations. 

I'm quite fine with this actually, I like to have simple relationship to the whole issue. I've had to learn to pay attention to negative feelings when they emerge though, to maintain mental health, but now that I do that better, I'm just enjoying the simplicity and the fact that I rarely get emotional  

This issue is actually one of the reasons why I sense I differ from the mainstream among my gender. I'm not very feminine in this respect. IRL, many women seem to have much more awareness and interest than I have. Some of my friends cry so easily that it always amazes me... When healthy, I very rarely cry because of anything and _if_ I cry, I cry privately.


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

zallla said:


> I'd assume that head types are the most out of touch with their feelings, especially if their tritype is head fix>gut fix>heart fix. I think that for them paying attention to feelings will never be that comfortable or easy as for other types. For example types 1, 9 and 8 are more in touch with their feelings because they belong to the gut triad. Type 3 is interesting since it's also out of touch due to not wanting to pay attention while still being in the heart triad. I'd love to know how 3s see this.


Actually, id types are most likely to be out of touch with their emotions, more than other types. I have also met a lot of 1's who typically don't pay attention to how they feel (granted they're also Thinkers). 9's also numb themselves to their inner world a lot of the time, so I don't really agree with what you're saying here. 

Also, I'm an NF 4 Sx. I'm _extremely _emotional. I wallow in my feels, process them fully, exacerbate them (if I'm feeling sad, I'll likely put some music that'll make the emotion more intense, or watch a dramatic movie, anything.) That's typically how I cope with them. I simply let myself feel whatever it is I'm feeling. I don't really consciously think about this process, it's just that I'm very attuned to my emotions, down to the subtlest nuances. What's more difficult for me is to just set them aside to get something done. I'm so terrible at that. I'll also explore why I'm feeling a certain way, what that says about me, if there's a pattern for example. My emotions help me understand myself, really.

However, I don't like showing my negative emotions to others, especially my loved ones. I'll typically downplay the whole thing, laugh it off, try to make it sound like less of a bigger deal than it really is, even if I fail hard - the ones who really know me will *instantly *tell something's off, that's how transparent I am. I still try though, because I don't want to be downer. That doesn't lessen the internal experience though in the least.

I think I've cried in front of someone like.. once. It wasn't even intentional, I just couldn't hold it in anymore.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

kaleidoscope said:


> Actually, id types are most likely to be out of touch with their emotions, more than other types. I have also met a lot of 1's who typically don't pay attention to how they feel (granted they're also Thinkers). 9's also numb themselves to their inner world a lot of the time, so I don't really agree with what you're saying here.


Just out of curiosity, why would Id types be the _most_ out of touch with their emotions? I can see why _7s _since they are furthest from the heart triad and have integration to 5 and disintegration to 1 but I just can't agree about 8s, it seems absurd. I'm not saying they would be super aware but definitely _more _aware than head types! 3s and 1s are competency types with 5s and prefer ignoring their feelings since those interfere with other, more important goals. Sure, they are not that aware but I still assume 1s and 3s are _more_ in touch than 5s or other head types. 9s don't notice their anger easily but otherwise they don't strike me as people who would be especially poorly aware of their feelings or find it hard to get touched. I think they downplay their feelings, decrease the strength of those, to avoid getting overwhelmed but due to their gut connection I think they have more potential than head types which I definitely see being the least aware. 

I base my reasoning on the nature of the triads. Gut types have a closer connection to emotions than head types because of physical components and connections of emotions. Head types are just _the furthest types_ from that.

I really don't want to limit myself or this conversation making conclusions based on people I know, I'd rather focus on the theory, rationally. My observations don't really match with yours and it's hard to compare those when neither can't really have the same information. Theory is more straightforward way in general. 

I could give one example though, since I know my brother so well and he happens to be an example of the types we see differently. My brother is 8w7 and far from expressing his vulnerability openly in general. But I've seen it straightly several times. It's very 8ish, he acts and thinks he's very self-confident but it's also obvious when you _really_ know him that he has had to build those walls to keep others far enough to protect what's deep deep down in him since between all those matcho layers there's a vulnerable boy afraid that people would hurt him or boss him around. It has always amazed me how strong he seems but how vulnerable he really is. I didn't understand it then but he was testing our parent's love to him so often when we were young and then reacting emotionally revealing how vulnerable he was when they didn't react the way he wanted. His speech is also very instinctive, it's so different from that of head types'. He's reactive and you can tell it easily. He considers it normal to react strongly. The way I see it, he has been naturally more aware of his feelings than I was. He even cries more easily than I do. At our granpa's funeral I was sitting next to him and he was crying (I wasn't) and in many other occasions too he does get touched more easily than I do but then again, I'm no average person to use for comparison, I don't get touched easily. Compared to most, he is not very touchy, just more than I am. Needless to say, he's also well aware of his anger like I'd assume 8-fixers to be.




> Also, I'm an NF 4 Sx. I'm _extremely _emotional. I wallow in my feels, process them fully, exacerbate them (if I'm feeling sad, I'll likely put some music that'll make the emotion more intense, or watch a dramatic movie, anything.) That's typically how I cope with them. I simply let myself feel whatever it is I'm feeling. I don't really consciously think about this process, it's just that I'm very attuned to my emotions, down to the subtlest nuances. What's more difficult for me is to just set them aside to get something done. I'm so terrible at that. I'll also explore why I'm feeling a certain way, what that says about me, if there's a pattern for example. My emotions help me understand myself, really.
> 
> However, I don't like showing my negative emotions to others, especially my loved ones. I'll typically downplay the whole thing, laugh it off, try to make it sound like less of a bigger deal than it really is, even if I fail hard - the ones who really know me will *instantly *tell something's off, that's how transparent I am. I still try though, because I don't want to be downer. That doesn't lessen the internal experience though in the least.


Thanks for sharing, interesting! I think your and my descriptions really show how heart and head types can learn things from each other


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

kaleidoscope said:


> I think I've cried in front of someone like.. once. It wasn't even intentional, I just couldn't hold it in anymore.


Ah man I don't even want to think about all the times I've cried in front of someone. I'm no good at holding it in. :frustrating: (Mind you, I don't necessarily cry because I feel _sad_) 

I think I'm pretty aware of my feelings, but right now I'm not feeling much besides mild embarrassment and guilt. Wait, I'm not sure if guilt is the right word... maybe I'm not that aware after all, lol. Well, these aren't exactly feelings I like to wallow in. Positive emotions are more pleasant (stating the obvious, sorry ), though they take more effort. So I'll try and show away unpleasant feelings, but I get awfully bored not feeling anything at all (insofar as that's possible for me). And boredom is the worst. 

So I'm not entirely sure how I experience my emotions sometimes, but life seems pretty pointless without them. 

Well, it'll be interesting to see what other people have to say. :kitteh:


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## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

@_zallla_, I'm not saying 8s don't have emotions. That's downright inhuman. They are, on the other hand, very likely to not allow themselves to experience the more vulnerable emotions, because they associate those with weakness, something they avoid entirely. Lots of 8s for instance would feel more comfortable translating emotions such as sadness into anger, for example. I'm gonna paste here what Maitri says, because I just came back from a final and am exhausted:

"_The toughness than an Eight develops as a compensation for his lack of content with his real strength is like a tough armor blanketing his soul. He tries to protect his heart by rejecting all emotions he considers weak: fear, sadness, shame, remorse, neediness, helplessness, vulnerability, longing, etc. Unfortunately, you cannot close your heart to one set of emotions and not to all others, so he shuts out his capacity to experience innocent joy, the tenderness of love, affection, appreciation and compassion._"

You're going about this the wrong way, as well. 7s aren't in touch with their emotions, not because of their lines to 5 and 1, but because their inner world is primarily mental, and so emotionally 'dry'. They also tend to reject the more negative emotions, for obvious reasons. They'd much rather focus on the positive side of things. 



> 9s don't notice their anger easily but otherwise they don't strike me as people who would be especially poorly aware of their feelings or find it hard to get touched. I think they downplay their feelings, decrease the strength of those, to avoid getting overwhelmed but due to their gut connection I think they have more potential than head types which I definitely see being the least aware.


I don't understand what you mean by "gut connection". What does that represent to you? 

I really don't think it's accurate to say that head types are more detached from their emotions than gut types. For instance, lots of 4 fixed 6s on this forum would outright disagree with you. I guess we'll wait and see what others have to say.


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

how you perceive your feelings
how do you process them
is it easy for you to be aware of them
what do your feelings mean to you
how do you perceive people who experience and express their emotions a lot
how about your gender, do you think you are a stereotypical example of yours?

I perceive my feelings as alike to a gut instinct thing. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. If something makes me feel good and wholesome, I should do it more as long as it isn't self deprecating, it's a learning process though! 

I process them internally, they are not always easily seen but I feel them strongly. I pick up on emotional atmosphere's easily both positive and negative, id say i'm actually fine tuned to this.

Well i'm often overwhelmed by them, I feel strongly so it's impossible to not be aware of them. They actually get in the way of doing certain things sometimes. It's taken a lot of self discipline to be mindful of them and to not allow them to control my life. When it comes to things I value, I may put them aside to stick to the truth but believe them to a be a valid part of being human, we're meant to have them. 

Like I said earlier, I trust them in certain situations, maybe I don't trust them in others. But now I work on using them in a proactive way, ill put them to use in my art and writing, through communicating to others and going by them in order to build relationships. I can't imagine what life would be like without feels, er that would sound like hell.

Mixed responses. I don't always know what to do with others emotions if i'm in an already emotional state myself. I need to be relatively detached in order to make sense of someone else's emotions. But I do absorb them anyway, it's impossible not to. I've been to some really dark places with my feelings and so do wish to offer some sort of empathy to others who are deeply struggling with theirs because I understand what it's like to be in a really dark place. 

Not really, I believe both genders are welcome to freely express their feelings, that doesn't necessarily cross my mind, if I see a guy crying, I don't think, omg this guy is crying but will just see him as someone needing to vent or whatever. I personally struggle with expressing feelings in the moment, I need to process them first and then maybe express them. I nay care about how feminine or masculine I am with feelings. Why should I?


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## Helios (May 30, 2012)

zallla said:


> I'd love to have a discussion on this. Sure different types process and deal with their feelings differently. Differences are clearly seen between the triads for example.
> 
> I'd assume that head types are the most out of touch with their feelings, especially if their tritype is head fix>gut fix>heart fix. I think that for them paying attention to feelings will never be that comfortable or easy as for other types. For example types 1, 9 and 8 are more in touch with their feelings because they belong to the gut triad. Type 3 is interesting since it's also out of touch due to not wanting to pay attention while still being in the heart triad. I'd love to know how 3s see this.
> 
> ...


Lol, I agree with @kaleidoscope. Id-types are fairly out of touch, and a lot of gut types are actually some of the least emotional people I've encountered. _Especially_ the thinkers. Not just in terms of degree expression, but they also seem to have a fairly limited range of emotions that they recognize themselves experiencing. I'd say that image types beat them in this regard, with head types following.

To answer your questions:

My feelings just aren't that real to me. I think they're something that I generally lack more than anything else. They do pop in from time to time, but generally speaking my internal state is relatively constant. I also don't know how describe them well, because half of the time I don't quite understand what they are.
I typically don't process them too much. I ignore them and move on with my life. If I don't ignore them, I intellectualize them and pick them apart to detach myself from them. That way it just becomes hypothetical problem solving rather than something that actually affects me. This is also how I deal with other people's emotions too. Lol.
No, not really except for two major ones. Only when I start to feel vulnerable is when I start to do anything I can to swallow it. Any time I get angry, it's usually on impulse, it comes on like a reflex, and I could go for days without running out of energy. I don't even view those as emotions, really. It's just changes in energy levels for me.
I'm not sure. I'd have to get back to you on that one. 
Some people who can express a great range and depth of emotion in a profound manner are people who I find to be the most admirable. Others can be just downright amusing since they get worked up over a big pot of nothing.
Not by a long shot. Not only is crying over menial things pointless and silly, but it's just weak. It doesn't solve anything. And sometimes you have to put your feelings and biases aside to accomplish things. There's more to life than how things make you feel, especially when half of it doesn't mean anything or matter in the long run. I don't cry much, and especially not in front of people, so when someone starts crying in front of me it's really awkward especially when I can't empathize. At that point I'd rather remain distant and not come off as not genuine.

Emotions aren't always a negative thing. And actually I find that most people who have a healthy orientation towards their emotional life seem more human and alive than those who don't.


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## leafling (Dec 15, 2011)

kaleidoscope said:


> I really don't think it's accurate to say that head types are more detached from their emotions than gut types. For instance, lots of 4 fixed 6s on this forum would outright disagree with you. I guess we'll wait and see what others have to say.


Bingo. :laughing:

I am a 6w7 and I am incredibly emotional. 

I don't repress my feelings, as I think feelings are to be felt. My mother a few years back suggested I take anti-depressants and I replied, "I'd rather feel pain and sadness than feel nothing at all."

I try to control them in public, as they might be inappropriate or hurt someone (oh man, I can get pretty angry sometimes, I hope I disguise it well). And then I'd feel super guilty if that happened. But other than that, I let them loose. I wear them on my sleeve most of the time whether I like it or not. :/

Sometimes, I'm not sure where they come from and I try to look within and figure it out. I need to know why I'm suddenly feeling sad or angry. Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint. But I let myself feel these emotions so I can get them out of my system. I embrace them and how human they make me. 

I guess I stereotypically act like a woman when I cry easily, but I think those gender norms are ridiculous. I don't cry easily because I am a woman, I cry because it's just_ me_. 

And I hate it when someone scolds me for crying or for feeling upset or anxious or whatever. I have the right to get emotional, damnit!


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

leafstone said:


> (oh man, I can get pretty angry sometimes, I hope I disguise it well).


Lol, same. :bored: But mostly because it's embarrassing.

To be honest I'm not really sure how expressive I normally am. I lose my temper easily when I'm around my family though.


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## leafling (Dec 15, 2011)

Nonsense said:


> Lol, same. :bored: But mostly because it's embarrassing.
> 
> To be honest I'm not really sure how expressive I normally am. I lose my temper easily when I'm around my family though.


Oh, that too. People start thinking I'm crazy. 

And I lose my temper easily when I'm around family, too. Unfortunately.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

leafstone said:


> Oh, that too. People start thinking I'm crazy.
> 
> And I lose my temper easily when I'm around family, too. Unfortunately.


I guess family has a way of getting under your skin. :laughing: Although I imagine it depends on the family.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

@zallla
one thing that comes to mind immediately about 7s is our delayed emotional response to negative stimulae. the 7 fixation brings with it a dreamlike, almost drunken view of reality where the negative aspects of things take longer to sink in than in other types. when they do finally arrive, we are experts at avoiding them, ignoring the quiet, gnawing desperation in favor of the next exciting distraction.


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## QrivaN (Aug 3, 2012)

*how do you perceive your feeling?
*They're kind of "in the moment", which is rather uncomfortable for me. I'm very awkward in regards to my feelings, and get easily thrown aback by others'.
*how do you process them?
*After the fact, when I have a clear mind.
*is it easy for you to be aware of them?
*Again, after the fact. In the moment: no.
*what do your feelings mean to you?
*Overall, I would just say that they're my opinions of different things. If I like something, it makes me happy; if I dislike something, it makes me upset.
*how do you perceive people who experience and express their emotions a lot?
*They tend to be fairly opinionated. I admire them for being so open and in-touch with themselves. As long as they aren't the type of person that tries to force an emotional response out of someone else, I think they're okay (of course, this is ignoring other factors that are taken into account IRL for the sake of the question)
*how about your gender, do you think you are a stereotypical example of yours?*
Eh, I'd say I'm a bit of an overt case.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

Swordsman of Mana said:


> @_zallla_
> one thing that comes to mind immediately about 7s is our delayed emotional response to negative stimulae. the 7 fixation brings with it a dreamlike, almost drunken view of reality where the negative aspects of things take longer to sink in than in other types. when they do finally arrive, we are experts at avoiding them, ignoring the quiet, gnawing desperation in favor of the next exciting distraction.


Yeah! That was very well said, even lyrically ^_^ That's one reason why 7s are, IMO, the most out of touch with their feelings, especially the negative ones. Superficially it seems a great approach but when the issues you refuse to notice and process keep accumulating, it only ends up burdening yourself. I'm pretty sure that was one of the main reason I got so anxious and eventually exhausted in the first place.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

zallla said:


> Yeah! That was very well said, even lyrically ^_^ That's one reason why 7s are, IMO, the most out of touch with their feelings, especially the negative ones. Superficially it seems a great approach but when the issues you refuse to notice and process keep accumulating, it only ends up burdening yourself. I'm pretty sure that was one of the main reason I got so anxious and eventually exhausted in the first place.


my own escapism typically takes on a quasi 9-ish quality, so I don't get tired as much as lethargic, and pathetically lazy. my mind is a much more convenient and accessible means of escape. problem is, it just makes it that much harder to truly face (because you can't simply rid yourself of whatever is allowing you to escape)


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

@*Swordsman of Mana*
That's an interesting description! Which type do you think is the most "sober"?


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

Interesting discussion and personal experiences, thanks people! I still see for example type 8 being more aware of feelings than type 7 which like I said I see being the most out of touch with feelings. 

It could be that I have misunderstood 6s though, I definitely did not see that coming from the 6s who shared their experiences here!

If I had to put the types in order, I'd say that type 4 is the most aware of feelings, after that (in no order) types 2, 6, 9 and after that 1, 3, 5 and 8 and after that type 7 being the least aware. 

Originally I didn't think being Id type was any issue here but I can definitely consider the possible connection between Id types and unawareness of feelings.


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## Paradigm (Feb 16, 2010)

*how you perceive your feelings?*
Actually... Mostly as a "head-rush" or a chest/stomach deal. Anger makes me lightheaded, excitement makes my heart jump, fear makes my stomach sink, that sort of thing. They're pretty easy to identify.

*how do you process them?*
If they're bad, generally I sit on them (AKA ignore them) until they go away. Distraction is vital.
If it's in response to a problem, I analyze why I feel that way and try to come up with solutions. As per typical 6, I tend to vent pretty often.
If they're good, well... Go with it, have fun 

*is it easy for you to be aware of them?*
I sometimes get "caught up" in an emotion, as in I become so used to it that I don't change gears. Kind of like how you tune out a background noise. But I'm aware of them when they start, and if someone points out that I'm "stuck," it's easier for me to get out of the loop than if they didn't. 

*what do your feelings mean to you?*
Feelings are reactions to outside stimuli. As such, they are always valid, because I see them as slightly uncontrollable. However, I maintain that not all (emotional) reactions are valid. You can't control your insides, but you _can_ control your outsides. Now, I'm not saying I'm super-controlled, because I'm _really_ not, but it's more the idea/effort that counts. 

*how do you perceive people who experience and express their emotions a lot?*
I get a bit uncomfortable. Mostly because those sorts of people want, like, hugs and chocolate and rainbows, and I'm more oriented towards solutions. If it's a fairly uncommon event, then I'm pretty okay (just awkward) with it... But if it's a more constant occurrence then I just get annoyed.

*how about your gender, do you think you are a stereotypical example of yours?*
Eh. No, not really. I'm not super unusual, but I'm not really typical. Many people expect me to be way more expressive than I am. Guys can be particularly annoying about it. I've been told, "You aren't _letting yourself feel emotions_." To which I've coldly replied, "Never tell me what I feel. Ever." It's an insult to suggest they know myself better than I do.


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## mimesis (Apr 10, 2012)

Are fear, anger, contentment, (self-)confidence, interest, excitement, lust, pleasure, grandiosity, pride, and selfishness not feelings? 


I think it depends on what self-image someone has, and this channels the emotions that are allowed and expressed, which ones are repressed from consciousness and unaware of, and which ones are numbed out to become indifference, apathy or dispassion. 


An 8 may be aware and even feed anger and resentment, like a 4 may indulge in sentimentality and self-pity, while a 7 is bouncing up the wall of excitement. Etc. All emotions, as far as I'm concerned. 

An 8 (and perhaps 3) may be aware of selfish or grandiosity feelings, which may be repressed from awareness in 4s (due to self-pity or envy), 2s and 1s (self-serving bias, superego whatever), like a 1 may deny lust feelings, and in stead, as an ego defense (replacement) respond with anger or contempt and redirect the aggression towards the source. 

Of course feelings of self-blame and self-loathing may be intense, but as a feeling it is more a symptom and how energy is channeled (internalized), rather than being the actual source that caused these feelings. It is internalized anger as a coping style, how to deal with a conflict of passion, or a perceived threat (fear). 

Same type, but different person may respond to this conflict with grandiosity (externalized) as a coping style. So, this Four may be selfish in indulgance of desire, where passion is directed at. And a 9 may respond by trying to numb own desires or anger, to accomodate the other's, or withdraw to avoid conflict, because this coping style aims to achieve or maintain a feeling of peace of mind, or indifference. 

Both coping styles result in a feeling, and I don't think you could reasonably state one is more in touch than the other, if one is unaware of where it really comes from and doesn't see this strategy is self-defeating. Of course they are different in sentiment, and intensity. But usually we don't call narcissistsic 'sensitive', rather insensitive.


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## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

It's interesting how different people value and seem to _need _different feelings...  Partly related to this, at least to me it seems that 4-fixers really stand out here. Personally I don't feel I "need" to experience many feelings, not melancholy which many seem to enjoy and especially not sadness but for example my SO considers nearly every feeling essential which to me seems plainly odd (he's tritype 146). 

I think there might be confusions there since the way feelings and emotions are defined might differ a bit. I kinda like not specifying things too much though. When I thought about feelings, I thought of feelings like anger, sadness, fear, mostly the negative stuff. I didn't even consider those to be "feelings" necessarily but since enthusiasm was mentioned, I must say that that and passion are by far my favorites duh ^_^


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