# Question to Sx doms primarily; other types welcome as well



## L (Aug 12, 2011)

tl;dr=Scroll down for the bolded part, that's my question, and then look at the last bolded statement as well please. 

I'm a Sx instinct in Enneagram theory. After speaking to another Sx dom in real life I just thought up a quick question to post here, but first, background. 

Sx instinctual variants want passion and intensity= very basic (and somewhat inaccurate without further context, but that's the main idea anyways) definition as I understand it. Or rather, incomplete, not inaccurate, but I'm getting off track, sorry, I'm a little excited lol.

Anyways, context of the conversation: I've been thinking about my own interests in sex and what to happen and got to talking about similar interests with another person, also a Sx variant. Now, I'm simply going off of what I 'think' I would like, so I never gave it much thought until she told me that she liked the same thing and had _actually _experienced such things. 

Now, what I believe I would like is a somewhat more animalistic sexual experience, as my favorite. Where, basically, you're just like animals and going at each other. I first discovered this about a year ago when I was reading a magazine that my cousin had, it had a sexual bucket list that people had to do before the world ended. 

Basically, people just e-mailed their favorite experiences and the best 100 were put on this list.

One of which, was this: A woman talked about how she tied up her boyfriend to a chair and teased him for like 20 minutes or something like that. Just giving him head for like 10 seconds at a time and dancing around him and even pleasuring herself right in front of him without him being able to move or do anything about it. After finally letting untying him, he basically just threw her down on the bed and just went at it. She ended with talking about how it was one of the most animalistic and passionate experiences of her life. 

I find this very appealing. In fact, I find the idea of going wild a little appealing. Now, the other Sx dom I was talking to said that she had actually done this and that she liked it. 

In her relationships, she goes for passion and intensity. Since I've never been in a relationship with someone, I can only assume that I would go for that same thing, more so since I identify with being a type 9. That merging concept would likely feel very intense in a relationship. But, I can attest that I do like some intensity in activities and I have a high amount of energy. In basketball, for instance, I have a much higher endurance level to keep going much longer than people in better shape than I am. But, I digress. 

Now, for my actual question:

*Now, since Sx variants search for intensity in activities and in connections with people, I'm wondering if this carries over into your love lives as well? When having sex, do you like it rougher and more passionate or a little more gentle?*

I believe it would for me, and, it did for my friend as well. Now, what about the rest of you?

Also, other types are welcome to answer as well, but, 
_*please list your instinctual variant because it's not listed when I click on the icon under your username.

*_EDIT: Sx/Sp by the way.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

sx/sp
I like it rough sometimes, rougher other times.. sometimes not so rough. Depends on who its with, what sort of mood I'm in, etc.. but.. I do like for it to be very intense and passionate.. and sex doesn't have to be 'mean' to be intense. I have found illicit sex to satisfy a craving for an intense experience as well.

Even if its someone who I haven't known well beforehand or someone I'm not actually in love with, there has to be _something_ creating a really passionate desire between us - its not purely a mechanical process. And they will probably feel.. absolutely worshiped. Attraction for me is intense and the physical expression of attraction is of course, as well.



L said:


> Now, the other Sx dom I was talking to said that she had actually done this and that she liked it.


Oh yes indeed I did.. Untying someone to have them come at you in a horny rampage, knock you down and fuck you like their very life depends upon extinguishing their raging hard-on inside you - hot stuff.


----------



## L (Aug 12, 2011)

Promethea said:


> Oh yes indeed I did.. Untying someone to have them come at you in a horny rampage, knock you down and fuck you like their very life depends upon extinguishing their raging hard-on inside you - hot stuff.


The way you just explained that, that brings about another question, specifically for women in general:

The very premise of romance novels is for the man to fight that urge to have sex with the main character of said novel and eventually succumb to those feelings and basically rape the main character, except the main character wants it to so it's not rape, but it is....? Anyways. From what the different readings I have read about this says that why some women has fantasies like these is because society still kind of condemns a woman for having sex and when the man kind of makes her, in a way, it's not her fault and she feels 0% guilt from the act because she can blame the guy. Now, not saying that women want to be raped by any means, it's just a possible explanation that I've run across the most when I was researching rape fantasies in women. Basically, it helps them let go completely, is the overarching answer.

Does this also apply to Sx doms?

That's another thing I came across and you made me think of...


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

L said:


> The way you just explained that, that brings about another question, specifically for women in general:
> 
> The very premise of romance novels is for the man to fight that urge to have sex with the main character of said novel and eventually succumb to those feelings and basically rape the main character, except the main character wants it to so it's not rape, but it is....? Anyways. From what the different readings I have read about this says that why some women has fantasies like these is because society still kind of condemns a woman for having sex and when the man kind of makes her, in a way, it's not her fault and she feels 0% guilt from the act because she can blame the guy. Now, not saying that women want to be raped by any means, it's just a possible explanation that I've run across the most when I was researching rape fantasies in women. Basically, it helps them let go completely, is the overarching answer.
> 
> ...


I personally don't need any psychological buffer in there to make me feel permitted to want sex.. but maybe its the case for some who have fantasies about being 'taken' brutally. Its simple for me, the intensity is what turns me on. And sure, among all my weird dark fantasies, that ones been in there too.


----------



## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

sx/sp/so

I don't know TOO much about enneagrams, HOWEVER, I can tell you that I LOVE a girl that LOVES it rough and can completely dominate me. One that tells me to shut up and runs things here and there. That'll probably keep me around....unless she sucks really bad haha.


----------



## sleeper (Aug 26, 2010)

sx/sp here,
I like sex rough, gentle, kinky, whatever so long as it's passionate, total and I feel synched up with the other person. It's the perfect remedy to awaken me from my generally disconnected state of seeming disembodiment. Physically letting go completely isn't a problem if I liked them enough to get to a place of sex. The real problem is I rarely feel connected enough to someone to feel comfortable going there, so I go through long stretches of time without sex or intimacy... what I crave most in life.


----------



## SuperNova85 (Feb 21, 2011)

459 sx/sp

I'm a giver first; her pleasure is my pleasure as long as it's passionate, intimate and intense which can be expressed in a variety of ways. I just get a feel of her sexual energy and I give her what she wants based on what I'm feeling from her. 
I also have to be into her emotionally and mentally, after all, the brain is the biggest sex organ...the build up of sexual tension is almost (if not more) important to me than the act itself.
My favorite thing during sex is gazing deep into her eyes while she's clasping my hands; *wistfully sighs*....


----------



## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

SP/SO


> *When having sex, do you like it rougher and more passionate or a little more gentle?*


Both depending on my mood. I love to bond in a certain way, im over idealistic about what I desire in bed, I want it to be romantic, sometimes sweaty and intense, I occasionally like a tinge of rough - not too much, I want to feel as one with my partner when I have special, sexy time, eye contact I like because I don't do enough of that in real life so its almost like im saving that special quality for the one I love. I love the warmthness of sex and the connectedness and again, connection is something I don't experience often so when I get it with my partner, it is very fulfilling and deepens the connection even further.


----------



## Nastorm (Jun 3, 2012)

Promethea said:


> sx/sp
> I like it rough sometimes, rougher other times.. sometimes not so rough. Depends on who its with, what sort of mood I'm in, etc.. but.. I do like for it to be very intense and passionate.. and sex doesn't have to be 'mean' to be intense. I have found illicit sex to satisfy a craving for an intense experience as well.
> 
> Even if its someone who I haven't known well beforehand or someone I'm not actually in love with, there has to be _something_ creating a really passionate desire between us - its not purely a mechanical process. And they will probably feel.. absolutely worshiped. Attraction for me is intense and the physical expression of attraction is of course, as well.
> ...


This is just, ugh, exactly my thoughts. Exactly. All of it.

I'm sx/sp. The only time I like gentle sex is probably in the morning while I'm half asleep. I generally like it intense and the brain and mental state play a big role in this. I often use the word mindfuck to describe intense sexual acts. Obviously I'm all for brain stimulation along the physical. Not always necessary though.

For example, the ideal fuck would probably be the first or second time with someone who I've wanted to have sex with for a long time. It would involve a lot of not-bed, changes in pace and exchanging of dominance, with the male holding the greater part of it. Some parts very rough, but overall somewhat rough, and toss in a minute of gentleness. All that assuming he's strong and knows how to do it. Otherwise, not ideal and slightly awkward.


----------



## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

antahon said:


> This is just, ugh, exactly my thoughts. Exactly. All of it.
> 
> I'm sx/sp. The only time I like gentle sex is probably in the morning while I'm half asleep. *I generally like it intense and the brain and mental state play a big role in this. I often use the word mindfuck to describe intense sexual acts.* *Obviously I'm all for brain stimulation along the physical.* Not always necessary though.
> 
> *For example, the ideal fuck would probably be the first or second time with someone who I've wanted to have sex with for a long time. It would involve a lot of not-bed, changes in pace and exchanging of dominance, with the male holding the greater part of it. Some parts very rough, but overall somewhat rough, and toss in a minute of gentleness. All that assuming he's strong and knows how to do it. Otherwise, not ideal and slightly awkward. *


Yes, YES. THIS._ Every word of this._ A "mindfuck" is just as arousing if not more than simply physical stimulation. Of course, it's not as complete without either but if someone knows how to stimulate me mentally a certain way, it can drive me absolutely crazy with lust, even if they haven't even touched me yet. 

There *has* to be a certain dynamic between me and my partner. I have to feel like they're in control, and that it's something natural to them as opposed to something faked only for my pleasure. I'm very sensitive to these things and they have a huge impact on my arousal. It can be conveyed in the smallest things, even and especially in non sexual things. Dominance is not simply a bedroom-restricted thing. It's in everything they are - and that's incredibly sexy. 

The ideal fuck scenario you gave as an example is actually one of my favorites, lol. I think sex is more abstract for me, and just as much about the situation/strength of the connection as how rough my partner is with me. 

Sx/So here.


----------



## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

sx/sp:

I think what I seek the most isn't necessarily rough sex, but intense experiences. Now, I haven't actually have that much sex, part because I haven't had many partners, but once in a while when engaging someone else we end up discussing what it is we want, and my fantasies are always quite intense, I think. I was for example describing to someone else how I'd like to have sex with him in a darkly lit room, with candles and heavy metal music blasting on top of black satin sheets. It's the intensity of the experience rather than whether it's rough. 

I do like the idea you described in the OP about tying him up and teasing lol. That sounded hot. Also, in the past, when around people who I like and I have a close relationship with, conversations tend to usually drift towards the kinky and sexual teasing <.<


----------



## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

L said:


> The way you just explained that, that brings about another question, specifically for women in general:
> 
> The very premise of romance novels is for the man to fight that urge to have sex with the main character of said novel and eventually succumb to those feelings and basically rape the main character, except the main character wants it to so it's not rape, but it is....? Anyways. From what the different readings I have read about this says that why some women has fantasies like these is because society still kind of condemns a woman for having sex and when the man kind of makes her, in a way, it's not her fault and she feels 0% guilt from the act because she can blame the guy. Now, not saying that women want to be raped by any means, it's just a possible explanation that I've run across the most when I was researching rape fantasies in women. Basically, it helps them let go completely, is the overarching answer.
> 
> ...


To me, I think it's more the very idea itself that someone desires you so very intensely that is the turn on. It's not even necessarily the sexual act as I think it has to do with the emotionality involved. Hot sex doesn't mean as much to me if there's no emotional intensity involved as well.


----------



## SharpestNiFe (Dec 16, 2012)

Yeah, maybe I misspoke. Intensity is what I look for, definitely. A girl that, without asking or saying anything, just puts handcuffs on me, puts a blindfold over my eyes, and tells me to shut up and does whatever the hell she wants, I'll be a little freaked out, but also pretty madly in love.


----------



## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

L said:


> *Now, since Sx variants search for intensity in activities and in connections with people, I'm wondering if this carries over into your love lives as well? When having sex, do you like it rougher and more passionate or a little more gentle?*


SX/SO

Um, yes and no. For me, rough does not always mean intense. You can have rough sex that's annoying, painful, laughable, ect. What makes it intense for me is the connection itself - sometimes "gentle" sex can be the most intense sexual experience you can ever experience. However, I DO love rough sex because it can be extremely stimulating, gratifying, and definitely a turn on. I LOVE it when my partner takes control (which she often does), because, and I'm not going to lie, I like receiving that attention. I like being the conquest. But I can't deny that there are times when I do want things to be more gentle, when I'd rather look into her eyes and kiss and do all those sorts of things and be fully aware of the energy between us rather than distracted by hair pulling or back scratching (those things can be great, though...)


I guess what I'm getting at is that I like it _passionate_. Rough and/or gentle is secondary.


----------



## WOLFsanctuary (Sep 19, 2012)

I want it ROUGH, PASSIONATE AND GENTLE ;-)

I want my lovers to be MULTI-TALENTED, not a one trick pony

"You must expect GREAT THINGS of yourself, before you can DO them" ;-P Michael Jordan

By 4w3 SX/SP


----------



## Enigma Daddy (Oct 23, 2012)

antahon said:


> This is just, ugh, exactly my thoughts. Exactly. All of it.
> 
> I'm sx/sp. The only time I like gentle sex is probably in the morning while I'm half asleep. I generally like it intense and the brain and mental state play a big role in this. I often use the word mindfuck to describe intense sexual acts. Obviously I'm all for brain stimulation along the physical. Not always necessary though.
> 
> For example, the ideal fuck would probably be the first or second time with someone who I've wanted to have sex with for a long time. It would involve a lot of not-bed, changes in pace and exchanging of dominance, with the male holding the greater part of it. Some parts very rough, but overall somewhat rough, and toss in a minute of gentleness. All that assuming he's strong and knows how to do it. Otherwise, not ideal and slightly awkward.


sx/so here. 

You've pretty much captured my thoughts to the letter.

In a nutshell I love and crave... Creative (not restricted to bed), Passionate, Intense, Athletic, Dom/Sub Mix, Rough/Gentle Mix.


----------



## Jennywocky (Aug 7, 2009)

*Now, since Sx variants search for intensity in activities and in connections with people, I'm wondering if this carries over into your love lives as well? When having sex, do you like it rougher and more passionate or a little more gentle?*

I won't repeat in detail what so many others in this thread already said so well... but yes, I always want *intensity*. Sometimes this can be "physically rough" but it also can include "gentle but intense/deep" if you get my drift... and mixing it up based on what you are feeling in the moment in relation to your partner is also good. I want to be in sync and part of my partner.

I'm SX/sp.


----------



## zallla (Oct 11, 2011)

@L (and others), 

well first of all, I don't know my stacking. The description of the woman and a bit more animalistic sexual experiences in general fascinate me too but I would assume it fascinates nearly everyone? I mean, I consider 'a bit more animalistic sexual experiences' to be intense, passionate, _craving_. Heat and intensity are crucial parts of sex.. I mean how could sex _without_ that kind of passion fascinate anyone?




L said:


> *Now, since Sx variants search for intensity in activities and in connections with people, I'm wondering if this carries over into your love lives as well? When having sex, do you like it rougher and more passionate or a little more gentle?*


This reminds me, meditation is one of the _hardest _things for me to do  It seems nearly impossible to find enough temptation in it. I'm too attracted to my mental activity, I search for constant mental intensity and it only makes me neglect other things in my life. Like, it's 1.30 am now and what am I doing here again or even staying awake this late? And I've again forgot to eat because something was just too interesting to stop or to even notice I was hungry. 

Deep down I look for intense connections with people too but at the same time there's this barrier that often makes me unable to really do it. I don't usually let people to know me thoroughly at all, I'm too sensitive and precise about it. I want some kind of special person, my soul mate, with whom I could do all that. A few times I've thought I have had it and after each time I seem to have become more resistant to open myself again. Nowadays people easily make me feel disappointed and rejected. I was the most open and enthusiastic when I was young, actually. Once when I was 8, a new boy came to our class and I became so infatuated, first time in my life... I'd tease him, chase him and play along when he'd chase me during the breaks. I even spied on him, I think he was rather pleased. None of other girls would join me in my enthusiasm but I didn't mind, it gave me certain privilege anyway.

But when with my SO and having sex, I really enjoy a bit rougher manners. I want to feel _strongly_, _powerfully_ desired and wanted. Of course I want to be loved (like cared) but that's not even nearly enough. It's desires and urges I need, to feel and know he thinks I'm the most attractive and that he's mine in that sense. What _I_ most desire is pretty much the description of that woman. Not thinking, not questioning, not hesitating, only pure action, instinct and zest, you-and-me-right-now-right-here-so-close-I-no-longer-know-what-is-only-me-and-what's-only-you. Period. 

Btw, hah, I can really see why sexual fantasies are so telling, what I just described is just the _opposite _of Six in me because usually in my life I both think and question and lack living on the moment when the opposite of all that is what I desire the most especially in sex... Like, many assertive Se-doms both annoy me and provoke me because of their sexy "how are you doing" flirting and sometimes I meet one of those whom I don't know how to resist and I only end up staring at my rings and try to focus on them instead of what would feel more natural.




sleeper said:


> sx/sp here,
> I like sex rough, gentle, kinky, whatever so long as it's passionate, total and I feel synched up with the other person. It's the perfect remedy to awaken me from my generally disconnected state of seeming disembodiment. Physically letting go completely isn't a problem if I liked them enough to get to a place of sex. The real problem is I rarely feel connected enough to someone to feel comfortable going there, so I go through long stretches of time without sex or intimacy... what I crave most in life.


Not easily feeling connected enough to let go of all resistance is (or truthfully, was) my reasoning for me not being sx-dom and also one of the things I regret the most in myself. 

I'm demanding and even some kind of perfectionist in my relationships because I cannot do it in a partly manner. If I don't feel at least 100 % loved and wanted, I cannot be myself, I cannot be even nearly as comfortable (wild) as I would wish to. 

When healthy and happy, I'm very sexual and sex and intimacy, romantic love really, are what I crave most in my life. But the balance between highly sexual and playful and shy and awkward is delicate - _too_ delicate  Sometimes I don't even know what I want or then it changes a lot. Many emotional expressions of other people easily make me feel uncomfortable because I don't know how to deal with them and I even have troubles to recognize or express my own emotions. But sex is a bit different thing. My partner feeling attracted to me never makes me uncomfortable (but the opposite ie the lack of that feeling does). Quite the contrary, what I _most_ love is to be surprised by him wanting me, like waking up at night because I can feel his hands around me and his, well you know, against my butt while he is whispering something to me. Or when I'm doing something very common and usual like cooking etc. and suddenly he gets behind me and starts kissing my neck and asks whether I'm really as busy as I look. I'm the more active of us so it's always a very welcome and pleasant surprise when he does something like that.


----------



## L (Aug 12, 2011)

zallla said:


> Not easily feeling connected enough to let go of all resistance is (or truthfully, was) my reasoning for me not being sx-dom and also one of the things I regret the most in myself.


For a few that know me a little better on here know that I don't feel connected to anyone in my real life. In all honesty, I feel like I've just made my first friend, from here, that I feel connected to. 

I don't connect easily either, so I wouldn't count that for your not being a Sx dom. Actually, I would look at some of the Sx/Sp instinctual stackings, to see if those match up at all to you. They do for me and it's worth a look for you, I would think. But, I'm by no means and expert on Enneagram.


----------



## Entropic (Jun 15, 2012)

I think a problem with sx as an instinct in general is that it's shaped towards some kind of extraverted and outgoing way of trying to be intimate with people and this might be true for 7s and to a degree 3s, both being assertive types, but I don't think it has to be true for all other types. The reason why I thought I was sp/sx for the longest time was because I was thinking I wasn't frivolous or seeking contact enough, or having enough deep connections with people as a whole, especially sexually. I'm actually quite conservative. 

The thing is, sx isn't just about an attitude towards people, it's also an attitude towards life itself. When I study a subject that really interests me, I'm showing my sx in the intensity in which I do it foregoing social contact, sleep and food in favor of learning that subject further. Or when I talk to a good friend about a movie I saw that really interested me it's again sx showing in how I really want to talk about that very subject just now and share all my ideas about what I thought of it. I even feel frustrated if I can't fulfill these desires somehow, it's like I'm missing something out. 

Because the problem I found with sp was that sp is also described as being very geared towards security. I couldn't relate. I understand sp 5 security of being more withdrawn, hoarding more and such, but the fact I couldn't relate to security made me question if I'm truly sp first. 

What really made me realize I'm actually sx first is that when I want to do something I can feel a strong conflict between of wanting to do what I desire right now and for example fulfilling my survival such as sleeping or eating. I should for example have gone to sleep several hours ago but I didn't want to. I wanted to play LoL and not just one game, but 3 games in a row until I felt I was "satisfied". The truth remains that I'm still up however, even though I said I should go sleep 45 minutes ago. And I have a nagging sp instinct telling me, go sleep, but again, I don't want to. I want to do this first! 

When sp and sx are in conflict, I thus realized I always chose sx and that I often feel that sp is holding me back. Fuck sleep, fuck food, fuck whatever, as long as I can maintain this connection right here and right now. I was trying to do some reverse logic and see it from an sp/sx point of perspective but it's hard. i really can't imagine it the other way around.


----------

