# No close friends in university, anxiety about love and social life, feeling lonely



## discoverhiddenjules

I'm 19 in second year of university. For some time (over a year), but now more than ever I’ve been feeling really anxious and depressed about my life because I feel that I’m missing out on things and not living it to its fullest. I wouldn’t call my university experience as being very similar to others. I have no real close friends here, but I have really tried to make them. It’s just that even if I do meet the right people to befriend, there’s never enough opportunity to become close to them. Because of this I have hardly any social life. All I hear about everywhere I go are students talking about all their fun adventures with their friends and I feel so deeply empty and left out. I know that there are probably a lot of other nice students like me who are alone too, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still lonely and unsatisfied. I wish I could go on crazy adventures like my peers, just things like running around downtown in the middle of the night, going to concerts, dancing, and laughing, and even things like watching movies together, cuddling and giving hugs to one another. I feel such emptyness from not experiencing things that I should be doing at my age. The friends I do have are superficial and I only see them to party. I met them on my floor in residence last year so we only became friends out of proximity. The only reason I still hang out with them because I’m desperate and no one else invites me anywhere. But it upsets me because we have hardly anything in common, and I don’t feel completely comfortable around them, and I’m not even sure if they truly care about me. I don’t even have a desire to keep in contact with them, I wish I could just have an entirely different group of friends that I can actually connect with on a deep level. I have so much energy and enthusiasm and I want to do things, I want to explore and try new things and have fun and really connect with others but I can’t do any of those things without having at least one or two close friends here and it makes me really sad 

Another thing that causes me anxiety: Almost all university students have been in a relationship or at least have some sort of romantic/love life, and I’ve never done any of that. I really want to have a boyfriend and be in love and do all those wonderful things couples do, but I won’t settle for just anyone. Waiting really hurts though, sometimes I worry that I will never find the right person, or that I will never find true love and all this waiting will have been a waste. That thought makes me want to do things with the first guy that gives me attention and that I’m remotely attracted to, and that scares me. I think that’s what happens when you want something so much. I want it even more because I also for the first time feel truly ready to be in a relationship, and I never really did until this year. Over the summer I matured, developed more confidence, and became comfortable with my own body… I never had quite felt that internal sense of self-love before. Now that I feel ready to have all these university experiences it hurts me that I'm not. 

Also my 2 best friends from high school who I’m very close with are having the time of their lives in university and I feel like I am just as good of a person as them, and it makes me envious sometimes that my life can’t be as filled with as much love and excitement like theirs. I feel guilty for this but I think it’s a natural feeling and I don’t let them know I feel this way (I am truly happy for them and want them to be happy, I just wish I could be part of it too) . I feel embarrassed when they want to hear about my stories and I have nothing to tell them. 

I don’t know what to do about my situation or what kind of mindset to have (I don't want to be worried anymore). I'm constantly thinking about this is getting in the way of my studies too and I cry about it a lot. I hope there’s nothing wrong with me  If you can relate to me or have advice to share, I would appreciate it so so much.


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## Mustang

Hoo… boy can I relate to this, so much that it almost hurts. I'm in my senior now and having a much better time, but only because I forcefully changed the people I hung around with. Like, completely. If I could only tell you one thing, it's to force yourself out of the group that does nothing but hold you back, it's nothing but a negatively reinforced comfort zone. You also sound like me in that you probably won't invite yourself out, but rather wait for people to remember you. I still struggle with that, but people won't know that you're interested in going out with them if you don't speak up. You -really- have to put yourself out there, and it's a scary thing! I can just tell you've got the potential to do it, though. You could still join clubs and stuff, which is a big way to become part of a group. Have you tried this extensively yet?

I still don't have any true best friends here, but I do have a handful of people I'm really close to. Maybe one or two which I'll keep in touch with. Unfortunately we don't get many chances to hang out as I have to initiate just about everything, but they're good people. Lately I've come to realize that I can have a lot of fun with people who aren't close, too. It's not ideal, but still energizes me, which it may not for you as an INFP. Still.. I do feel kind of cheated out on the whole college experience because I wasn't outgoing enough at the start. Not too late for you, though! If I think of some more stuff, I'll definitely reply again. Also if you need to talk, easy to find me anytime.


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## Joseph

I relate to you as recently as last year, when I was a sophomore. Hell, I relate sometimes to you this year as well. 
I made a ton of friends this semester by simply following how I truly feel, and my actual passions. I joined a few student groups and started a few projects of what I actually enjoy doing, and found people who are similar, and actually enjoyed my company. I stopped pretending who I wanted to be (ie living the ideal 'college life'), as people could see right through my facade and avoided me like the plague. I just act how I actually am, and made a bunch of friends who I can be natural around. 

What do you actually enjoy doing?


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## BradyNotTachy

I have no good advise to give you but I wanted to stop in and say I feel for you and hope you get some advice,inspiration,comfort from others here and hope to hear your life take a turn for the better soon.


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## Cross

Things such as these will come in time. These things don't need to be rushed, and you are in a university to get a degree, right? When you're older and don't have much to do, you can party all you want with friends. It won't be the end of your world if your social life isn't as grand as how you expect it to be. It might not be as grand as the social lives of other people, but this isn't a contest.

Sometimes, all you need is a little fun the introverted way. Even if you are an extrovert, I believe you can enjoy such things too. I'm an introvert, and during my alone time, I can think of so many fun and enjoyable things to do on my own. Being with other people can be fun too.

Life is too broad and this world is too vast for you to think that it is too limited and that you are not loved. You should not forget to offer yourself the amount of love that you deserve. A love life is a lot more challenging than being alone, but it can be rewarding. Offering love and the feeling of belongingness for yourself will be necessary and fruitful for quests of love and romance.


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## A Clockwork Alice

I was going through the same thing - even now. But in the past year I tried to change things in life, I forced myself to get out of my comfort zone and be more spontaneous and outgoing - which is like hell for introverts. And because I risked it, my life started to change. I'm still introverted and socially awkward, but I'm managing it and I believe that my life is progressing. Now I see there is nothing to be afraid of because I have nothing to lose. All I can suggest is to find will and strength in yourself. Good luck.


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## Bear987

Loneliness and stress over love are inherent to human nature, I reckon. Maybe you'll worry a little less over them once you realize this.

As for friends, maybe there aren't any good ones at this point and time in your life. Maybe you can make do without for a while? You could try and engage in some new activities to meet new people.


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