# ESFJ/ESTJ/ENFJ/ENTJ Mother-in-Law?



## MelodyGirl (Dec 18, 2010)

I am having the hardest time figuring out what my mother-in-law is.

She originally typed herself as an ESTJ, but I can't possibly see her as one. ESTJs get under my skin and intimidate me - something she's never done. So I thought maybe she's an ENTJ. She has majored in business and is super organized (Every possible detail and memento about my husband's birth and childhood is saved, filed, and organized, for instance). She speaks with absolutely fine vocabulary and never wastes words. And she can motivate people occasionally.

But then, here's the other side of her. She can be super illogical. I sent her this description of an ENTJ 
Portrait of an ENTJ
(without having looked it over first) and she said she was up all night tearful, thinking I thought these things of her. And has she been terribly rude to me? And why don't I talk to her about it?
Good grief! That's not what I meant to imply! I didn't know that the website above would make ENTJ look so bad to her! I value the personality type. It's my dad's type! 

Unfortunately, this is not the first time she's been "up tearful all night" over misinterpreting something I did that someone else wouldn't think twice of (or would've asked questions before jumping to conclusions). She avoids conflict at all costs and then jumps to conclusions. My husband said she definitely did that a lot while he was growing up. Which makes me think she's an F.

*MY* mom is an ENFJ, but a very healthy one. My mom is logical and sensible and kind and understanding. But we too had plenty of miscommunications growing up, and most of the time it was her misinterpreting my motives. But not one of these was where my mom took anything personally. My mom definitely hated conflict, but was more willing to step out and counsel people. My _husband's_ mom was abandoned by her husband and has been homebound for years because of a very handicapped daughter. Could it be she is an unhealthy ENFJ?

Or then there's ESFJ. I balk at that because *I* am an ESFJ and I want to say she's nothing like me. However, I know that ESFJs can take everything personally, see things in their own little world, and be so sensing that they have very little intuition about people, even when they know that time and time again that person didn't want to hurt them. However, I don't really do these things, but I'd say I'm a healthy ESFJ as well. I married an INTP and had intuitive parents who trained some of these things out of me.

I'm afraid to ask her to read any more descriptions or take the test again! Any thoughts?


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## TheWaffle (Aug 4, 2010)

She sounds like an unhealthy ExFJ. Does she get along with your husband?


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## MelodyGirl (Dec 18, 2010)

AlphaOmegaDEFCON4 said:


> She sounds like an unhealthy ExFJ. Does she get along with your husband?


That's what I'm thinking.

They got along when my husband was little, but since his older teens and young adulthood, I think he felt like she didn't understand him and it was difficult to talk to her because of the way she would react. But he's an INTP. Don't they think that about practically everyone? ;-)

Oh yes, and I also should've stated. She ADORES my mom. Seriously considers her her best friend. The two are like kindred spirits, have so much in common, and can talk for hours. I can't mention my mom without her saying something like, "Most wonderful woman."

Whereas, MY mom understands my husband very well and he her. He helped me with miscommunication issues with her because they can be so much alike in their logical, sensible, uncreative way of living life. My mom gets along very well with my husband. But my ENFJ mom pretty much gets along with everyone and everyone loves her.


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## MelodyGirl (Dec 18, 2010)

Does anyone else have an opinion or can help?


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## TiNeSi (Jan 10, 2011)

She sounds ESFJ to me.


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