# Any SJ parents with NT kids?



## downsowf

INTP here. I was curious how SJ's managed/handled/thought about their NT kids. I'm the product of an ESFJ father and ISFJ mother. It was always sort of a good cop/bad cop partnership between them. My mother usually had a hard time imposing discipline. I think this was mainly because I grew up having a very close relationship with my mom. I think some of my anti-authority(especially when I was an adolescent) phases amused her to an extent, particularly when I stood up to my dad, because she had a hard time standing up to him. Not that he is a monster. He could just impose himself very strongly without taking her opinion into consideration. I would actually find myself sticking up for my mom a lot on issues that I didn't need to get involved with because I love sticking up for the underdog. Yet she was usually my shoulder to lean on and would always have my back against my father (or the world for that matter). I don't think this was healthy and probably caused some marital discord at times. At the same time, though, if my mom would get in a fight with someone in the family, my father liked to be the good guy instead of taking a position of solidarity. This did not happen all the time but I did notice this behavior. 

For a long time, I felt like a freak being in a family with SJs. As I've learned to understand them, I've grown closer to them. I'm not sure if my parents truly understand the way I am and don't necessarily expect them to. My father still can't comprehend my hatred for authority. When he used to tell me to do something when I was younger, the reasons were always well intentioned in my opinion. He couldn't understand that I hate being told what to do without a good reason to. He does things because that's they way you're supposed to do it. I've actually learned a lot from both my parents. I consider myself a people person because of my dad even though I hate being around people for too long. I mimic his behavior in many situations and tell jokes. He made me tryout for sports teams all through school, and though at the time I despised him for it, I found it has made me more competitive. Nonetheless, when I grew up and became more confident, I don't do things anymore when he tells me to do it. I make him explain the reasons why to me. Now, he goes into detailed explanations of why I should do something. Though he presents a completely contrived explanation, I make nice and agree with many of his points. Sometimes he convinces me but most the time I do what I think is best anyway. haha. 

Growing up in the parents' house, it was hard for them to understand my intense introverted tendencies. I was extremely quiet, locked myself in my room to do my studies, and would constantly tell them to leave me the hell alone. My mom though I was depressed; my dad just thought I was an asshole. It was hard to express myself at that point in my life too. Also, my father could be very critical personally(you're lazy, a failure, etc..) which made me undercut and question his decisions out of spite, or convince the rest of the family to do something else. 

I've obviously grown up a lot since then. I'm 27 and about to graduate from law school thanks to the support of my parents. No matter what they always have my back and mine theirs. 

Now share your experiences of raising NT children?


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## Ce Jeu

NT child with STJ father/ESFJ mother. They tried to put me in a box most of the time. They thought it was 'cute' to have crazy, big dreams and talked about a lot of 'should', 'you can't', type of talk. 

They thought since I was a girl, I would behave/want/think/grow up in certain ways, and I don't think they took me seriously with my intense desire to achieve something great in life. Now that we've spent enough time on therapy trying to understand each other, they are proud of me, finally!


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## Owfin

The problem with threads like this in a generalized board is that you are only going to get the same side of the story you always do. Post this thread in, say, the ISTJ forum, and you will get better results.

(Incidentally, my dad is an ENTJ. I have never seen a thread about S's with N _parents_. Hmm....)


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## Miss Scarlet

I'm a NT with a SJ (ISFJ) mother. We have a very surface level relationship. Her Dom Si really clashes with my Se. We also don't share any other cognitive functions so it can be frustrating. I'm sure she feels the same way at times.


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## downsowf

(in response to Owfin)Perhaps you're right. I thought I'd maximize my responses by putting it in the generalized board instead of narrowing it down to one specific type. Then I figured that most people on this forum are young and don't have kids, or didn't necessarily have NT kids, so could not respond. I thought this was a unique question since I've always heard about what NT's think about their parents, and thought it would be fun to see another perspective. But go ahead and post your thread in the ISTJ forum. I will definitely be interested to see the responses.


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## MCRTS

downsowf said:


> (in response to Owfin)Perhaps you're right. I thought I'd maximize my responses by putting it in the generalized board instead of narrowing it down to one specific type. Then I figured that most people on this forum are young and don't have kids, or didn't necessarily have NT kids, so could not respond. I thought this was a unique question since I've always heard about what NT's think about their parents, and thought it would be fun to see another perspective. But go ahead and post your thread in the ISTJ forum. I will definitely be interested to see the responses.


I'm not trying to be offensive or anything, but from our side, it just seems like another thread about SJ parents.


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## downsowf

MCRTS said:


> I'm not trying to be offensive or anything,


I'm thoroughly offended. I demand satisfaction.


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## MCRTS

downsowf said:


> I'm thoroughly offended. I demand satisfaction.












Will this do as a means of apology? *hopeful kitty eyes*


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## sts06

I have kids but they are all a bit small to properly type. I do know I have 2 Fs and a T and that the T is probably an NT. So far he and I don't clash, but that could possibly be because he is small enough to still be 'parented' and we will have to see what the relationship becomes like when he becomes a teen and older. I'm hopeful that because I have some understanding of MBTI that I will be more open to him being himself and not try and impose too much of me onto him. I also have the good fortune to have been raised by an NF mother and an NT father so we were all encouraged as children to be whoever we wanted to be and none of us was allowed to assume our opinion was right 'just because' - all family discussions involved examining things from multiple sides and trying to understand the other point of view. My mother is a strong J and always had an opinion but was always nicely balanced by my father's openness. I think what I'm saying is that what I'm used to is allowing kids space to breath and be themselves and so hopefully that will translate into my own parenting. Ask me again in ten years and we'll see how successful it has been :happy:


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## downsowf

This is a really cool post. Personally, having been raised by an ISFJ mother, I don't think I could have been any more fortunate.


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## jvsummit101

I am the product of an ESTJ and ISFJ. My life was....interesting. Between the age of 9 and 18 they didn't even know me well because I had to put on a facade. At 18, I finally admitted to them that I didn't believe or practice all the religious stuff and they kicked me out of the house.


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## Delicious Speculation

I'm the NT child of an SP/SJ pairing, does that count?

Growing up was tough a lot of the time, but now I'm pretty close to my ISTJ mom. She "gets" me when it comes to being an introvert with well-developed extrovert skills, and how frustrating it gets when I feel like the only rational person in the room.


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## peter pettishrooms

Born to a ISTJ/XSFJ couple. My relationship with my ISTJ father can go either very smoothly or horribly wrong. When we agree with each other on some issue, all is well and we can passionately implement and execute plans together based off of these values. However, disagreement between us results in difficulty/inability to compromise because we are both so so stubborn. 

Always have gotten along better with my XSFJ mother because she was always there during my childhood and more tolerant of issues she even frowned upon. If I were to come out soon, she'd gradually learn how to accept it. The ISTJ parent would lose all respect for me.


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## Leviticus Cornwall

My mother is an estj and dad an istp


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## Kallista

My daughter may be an ENTJ but she is a bit young to type for sure. I love her confidence and leadership skills. 

I am an SJ with an NT parent (my dad is an INTP) I hated how he was constantly moving us. He loves change for the sake of change. His people skills are a bit meh and he wasn't terribly affectionate when I was growing up but he is lots of fun and we have intriguing discussions all the time.


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## zchathaml

Mom's an ISFJ. Dad's an ENTP, but let's leave him out since he's not relevant to the topic  

We both suffer (her, moreso--she's a sensitive, and selfless soul with no boundaries when it comes to her children, sigh). 

Sometimes I need time for myself, and she doesn't understand that because she loves me so much lol (i'm touched, but... mother) ;v; She also has no concept of personal space when it comes to _me_ (my mom doesn't bother my ESFJ?ESFP? sister as much). 

We might not fight everyday, but something ticks us off about each other everyday. 
I glare while she laughs heartily (usually because she's done something to me).

I love her so much.


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