# What are 7s and 3s assertive about?



## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

This is kind of a weird question, but bear with me...
8, 7, and 3 are the "assertive" triad, and for 8s, its pretty obvious what it means to be assertive and how they are assertive.
But what does it mean for 7s and 3s? On the surface there isn't anything in particular about being super-image-oriented or being a neophile that necessary suggests assertiveness. So if you're a 7 or a 3, or if you know one, give me some examples of a time you were assertive, what you did, why you did it, etc. what does it _really_ mean overall, in contrast to being withdrawn or compliant?


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## Lord Bullingdon (Aug 9, 2014)

Assertive, in the case of the enneagram, doesn't necessarily mean an in-your-face, aggressive style, so much as it means putting yourself out there. An outward orientation toward life and a desire to have a place in the world, ie, asserting one's existence. Assertive types want to make an impact, are driven by what they want, and don't like to wait for these things. It's about the forward energy--knowing what you want and going for it. 

For instance, I know a 7 who is probably one of the less assertive people I can think of and claims not to have an aggressive bone in her body. She still wants to have an impact on the world by "bringing the light". She pursues all the things she really wants and winds up scattered. She loses focus if she waits. It's got a very positive, mostly-harmless spin on it, but it's still a form of self-assertion: she's in the world and going after what she wants.

Withdrawn types tend to look inward--thoughts, ideas, feelings, fantasies--before putting themselves/their lives into the world (if they do so at all). Compliant types are really compliant to their own sense of right and wrong and identify with being in accordance with that over "going after what they want".


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## Remcy (Dec 19, 2011)

7 - exploration

3 - success


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## Highway Nights (Nov 26, 2014)

I'm a 7. I like to get what I want, and you don't get what you want by being passive.

I dunno, I just have a natural "driver" personality. I like to have some control over my environment, largely for more counterphobic 6 sounding reasons (ex. what I control can't hurt me). I don't know if the fact that I'm a 7 has to do with anything or not.


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

Thanks especially @Kipposhi those responses were VERY helpful. I think I get the idea, but can anyone give a concrete example from their own lives of a time when you were really assertive when you didn't necessarily have to be? Just curious.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

As a 7 once my mind is working on something, I'm not going to stop easily. For example, I stay "in the zone" longer than all my friends, often times staying up latest at a sleepover, not wanting to stop playing basketball, trying again when I "fail" over and over and over until I'm the only one trying anymore. 7s don't like to stop their momentum until others around them do. They'll assertively create momentum as well, by managing the activities so everybody is occupied with something and not bored. 

Ive seen 3s assert what's "cool" a lot, essentially like a judge. They'll tell you if you aren't playing it cool, asserting a standard of respect/professionalism around them.


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

Stelliferous said:


> Ive seen 3s assert what's "cool" a lot, essentially like a judge. They'll tell you if you aren't playing it cool, asserting a standard of respect/professionalism around them.


Good point!! Thats so true. A 3 I was good friends with was JUST like that.


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## Highway Nights (Nov 26, 2014)

charlie.elliot said:


> but can anyone give a concrete example from their own lives of a time when you were really assertive when you didn't necessarily have to be? Just curious.


Sure, but it's probably going to make me sound like more of an asshole than I (think) I actually am.

One of my biggest pet peaves are people who are in a crowded area and totally oblivious or indifferent to their surroundings. That couple that every high school seems to have that make out right in the middle of the hallway, people who can't decide which way to go in the supermarket, the person who just stands at the bottom of a stairway texting. Those people. But I'm in college and was running late for class and was already a little pissed off about something from earlier. Some girl was in front of the door texting, seemed to notice that someone was coming, but because she was distracted by her phone, seemed totally oblivious to which way I was coming from moved to one side, than suddenly moved to the other like she was unsure about which way she was supposed to me to, which of course would be clear IF SHE JUST WOULD HAVE LOOKED UP FROM HER PHONE FOR TWO SECONDS. So clocks ticking, and I just bark "come on, makeupyourmind" and essentially just bowled over her. 

Similar kind of thing happened when I was in high school. Some girl was texting at the top of a stairwell and I just stood there for about 10 seconds and finally said something like "today please?" or "wake up!" or something. And she just got really apologetic and I ended up feeling really bad, but I just can't stand it when people don't pay attention.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

charlie.elliot said:


> Good point!! Thats so true. A 3 I was good friends with was JUST like that.


You can also look at 3 by looking at the 369 triad. 369 is all about the connection of the self with the outside world. Realizing that an unhealthy 9 withdraws into their head and becomes "lazy", the integration to 3 means the 9 grows that assertiveness of a 3 and makes an effort to establish that harmony 9s crave. Furthermore, a 6 disintegrating to 3 becomes manipulative of others due to the assertiveness of a 3, integrating to 9 by establishing an inner harmony for their obsessive thoughts. Then looking at a 3 who sees success as a pursuit, disintegration to 9 occurs when they lose that assertiveness and give in for the sake of peace. An integrated 3 will grow that obsessive thought for others around them and determine what success actually means to them. Without the understanding of others, success is meaningless because how do you know how to raise the bar? 

You know of the 4 minute mile myth? It was thought to be impossible. But when one person did it, many more within a very short time frame were able to also. That drive to be a little better than others is a 3 way of thinking. Once a 3 passes another success is reached, and their standard is then asserted. 3s establish and demolish limits.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

@Stelliferous How does a 6 become "manipulative of others" when they disintegrate to 3? 3 disintegration is more like an obsession with external standards of validation and a need to reach unrealistic standards of competence as a mode to attain security in life.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Night Huntress said:


> @_Stelliferous_ How does a 6 become "manipulative of others" when they disintegrate to 3? 3 disintegration is more like an obsession with external standards of validation and a need to reach unrealistic standards of competence as a mode to attain security in life.


Because to reach those standards, the 6 needs to try harder and when people try harder and get stressed their tolerance of others diminishes. The 6, instead of focusing on the well-being of others around them, becomes so focused on the self and will manipulate others instead of working with others. In short, stress causes low tolerance which causes manipulation.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Stelliferous said:


> Because to reach those standards, the 6 needs to try harder and when people try harder and get stressed their tolerance of others diminishes. The 6, instead of focusing on the well-being of others around them, becomes so focused on the self and will manipulate others instead of working with others. In short, stress causes low tolerance which causes manipulation.


I'm not following how you reached that conclusion. How does stress *necessarily* result in tolerating people less and hence manipulation? That seems like something that could perhaps apply to a few 6s, but not all 6s. The reason for that is people react differently to stress from external standards. I think it is more likely a 6 will feel overly judged by people, as if everyone is targeting them for having no objective value, and will constantly attempt to fulfill everyone's standards to feel like they are needed and they are keeping up with the world. 

Also, healthy vs unhealthy 6 isn't working with others vs manipulating others. It is being secure in oneself, brave and grounded vs being terrified the world will crush them under its foot and either projecting that onto others (cp) or completely losing faith in oneself (p).


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## Quang (Sep 4, 2014)

Stelliferous said:


> Because to reach those standards, the 6 needs to try harder and when people try harder and get stressed their tolerance of others diminishes. The 6, instead of focusing on the well-being of others around them, becomes _so focused on the self and will manipulate others instead of working with others_. In short, stress causes low tolerance which causes manipulation.


Manipulation? I always imagined the disintegration of 6->3, as the Six developing feelings of insecurities to the point where they become competitive and arrogant in a nationalistic sense. When disintegrated, Sixes polarize groups which appear foreign to them; they create a "Us vs. Them" dynamic, as a result of their fears, which is particularly common around adolescence. Emotional insecurities arise sharply during adolescence, a stage in life, where Sixes and Eights become stigmatized as the schoolyard bullies. They pick on those who are weaker or 'weirder' than them as a way to compensate for their insecurities, but this is also a strategy to belong to the 'cool kids'.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

@Quang
How would you say the "us vs them" thing goes specifically with disintegration to 3?


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Night Huntress said:


> I'm not following how you reached that conclusion. How does stress *necessarily* result in tolerating people less and hence manipulation? That seems like something that could perhaps apply to a few 6s, but not all 6s. The reason for that is people react differently to stress from external standards. I think it is more likely a 6 will feel overly judged by people, as if everyone is targeting them for having no objective value, and will constantly attempt to fulfill everyone's standards to feel like they are needed and they are keeping up with the world.
> 
> Also, healthy vs unhealthy 6 isn't working with others vs manipulating others. It is being secure in oneself, brave and grounded vs being terrified the world will crush them under its foot and either projecting that onto others (cp) or completely losing faith in oneself (p).


All 6s seek security in their mind. It's not their mind that makes them feel secure, it's how they fit in with the world around them. When healthy, 6 will establish harmony which creates consistency and an ease of mind. When unhealthy, a 6 will seek that security by "feeling" secure and not actually being secure. This means getting rid of stress in an unhealthy way that is only temporary. To feel secure the 6 will lie to themselves and others. The deception of the 3 becomes apparent. Lying = manipulation. 

Are you done nitpicking one sentence of a post that had nothing to do with explaining what 6 is all about and everything to Do with the assertiveness 3 has and how when an unhealthy 6 used the assertiveness it is manipulative?


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## charlie.elliot (Jan 22, 2014)

Distortions said:


> @Quang
> How would you say the "us vs them" thing goes specifically with disintegration to 3?


Well, just because it's a trait from the lower level of type 6. If you're disintegrating, you're always in the lower level of your type. And actually the point of disintegration is not at all to blame-- actually, its helping you, acting as a brake in your downward movement. Balance.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Stelliferous said:


> All 6s seek security in their mind. It's not their mind that makes them feel secure, it's how they fit in with the world around them. When healthy, 6 will establish harmony which creates consistency and an ease of mind. When unhealthy, a 6 will seek that security by "feeling" secure and not actually being secure. This means getting rid of stress in an unhealthy way that is only temporary. To feel secure the 6 will lie to themselves and others. The deception of the 3 becomes apparent. Lying = manipulation.
> 
> Are you done nitpicking one sentence of a post that had nothing to do with explaining what 6 is all about and everything to Do with the assertiveness 3 has and how when an unhealthy 6 used the assertiveness it is manipulative?


I think you're drawing conclusions erroneously with this manipulation thing. You're taking one possible way a 6 may find security and saying all 6s do that and are motivated by that -- that's incorrect. When 6s are unhealthy the core is a feeling of terrible fear because their foundation is unstable and they don't know what to do. It can manifest as finding some truth to cling onto desperately, or losing faith in everything and not believing anything at all, etc. The 6 may force their beliefs onto others in order to derive some security within themselves. However, 6s are really big on truth, because they believe the truth and certainty gives them mental security. It's very rare you will see a 6 advocating lying. The 6 wants to be as truthful as possible to themselves and others, and expect others to do it too, so that they get the sense of having all the cards laid out on the table.

"it's not their mind that makes them feel secure" The 6's worst enemy is their own mind. Their mind does not trust objective reality. So even when they fit in objectively, they will feel like they don't. Even when they are objectively safe, they will feel like they aren't. The key to growth for a 6 is to realize their insecurity is a shadow they are boxing with inside their own head. It's only when they make peace with that overactive mind that they start feeling secure and trusting their own thoughts.

Of course 6s can lie occasionally like every other type, but they are likely to be too aware of what goes on in their head to EVER be able to lie to themselves chronically and systematically.

And no, I want to explain this because it is a misrepresentation of 6, and by extension, the attachment triad. Far too many misconceptions of 6 exist already.


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

charlie.elliot said:


> Well, just because it's a trait from the lower level of type 6. If you're disintegrating, you're always in the lower level of your type. And actually the point of disintegration is not at all to blame-- actually, its helping you, acting as a brake in your downward movement. Balance.


He seemed to be talking about how disintegration to 3 worked for 6, though, so it made me wonder what that has to do with 3.


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

Well I'm not a Seven but the Sevens I've known have generally been assertive when pursuing someone they're romantically/sexually interested in. 

Right after I ended a very serious relationship with my ex-fiance, with whom I worked... another co-worker immediately jumped on the opportunity to "get to know me" and well, it was rebound time. I was super shy and anxious at the time and going through a lot but he continually kept asking me to go out, taking me out to fast-paced places, being very upfront for the most part about what he was thinking or what he wanted to do. I dunno.

And another Seven I know, who is a very good friend of mine, is the same way with just things he wants really badly. Usually women he has a crush on he does not hesitate to ask out. Even though he risks rejection and sometimes gets rejected. There is like no hesitation there. And then with regards to like... if he finds out about a concert that he wants to see, he will announce it very matter-of-factly that he simply must go, and he jumps right on getting tickets. Stuff like that.

Threes? Uhhh. Well my former boss who is a terrible person and also a pathological Three, was probably more ....callous and disregarding than "assertive". Like she'd follow her path and bulldoze anyone who got in her way. She was more tactical about some things, like getting another boss fired (the person who got her hired in the first place) so she could absorb her department and take over. But when she wanted to see change -- usually in terms of people making sales so her department looked good-- she would hound us very aggressively. She once made a presentation about our department (it was something the company was doing once a month - every department got a turn to make a presentation and teach the rest of the company about it). Most other presentations were very informative and detailed and all about how things work, and things we might not know. Hers, was entirely about how the department was a nightmare before she got there, how she fixed it, how much better it was now, how much better it was going to be. Like a savior from the bastions of hell or something. If anyone ever opposed her ideas, she was very assertive about shooting them down because ANY criticism or suggestion she made a mistake was entirely out of the question. 

Other Threes I've known... less terrible people, are assertive and upfront about things like, asking for raises. I imagine they'd be really good at interviews, assertive on selling their strengths. I think about... TV shows or some shit where a Three is promoting his or her book, talking it up and being very "this is very much how it is". Which is a good idea when promoting something but there's a very Threeish way in particular to go about it. I notice Threes tend to speak often as though their opinions/promotions/views of themselves are absolute facts.


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## Despotic Nepotist (Mar 1, 2014)

@charlie.elliot 

3, 7, and 8 are all id types, so "assertive" in this context means assertion of the id rather than assertion as it means in everyday usage. 

Since the main fear of a 7 is to be trapped and deprived of what they want from life (ie avoiding pain and boredom), the assertion of their id usually comes in actively (sometimes recklessly and impulsively) pursuing pleasures of any kind, be it intellectual or physical, that give them a sort of adrenaline rush so as to avoid boredom. 

The main fear of 3s is being unsuccessful, which for them, being of the Image triad, translates into feeling unloved and worthless, so to compensate for that, the id-assertiveness of 3s mostly comes in the form of competitive behavior, which at its best, translates into healthy, friendly competition, but at its worst, turns into aggression that compensates for feeling of inferiority and shame (This applies for all image types, really, but the reasons behind them are all different. For example, a 2 might disintegrate to 8 and act this way if their services towards others are gone unappreciated.).


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Night Huntress said:


> I think you're drawing conclusions erroneously with this manipulation thing. You're taking one possible way a 6 may find security and saying all 6s do that and are motivated by that -- that's incorrect. When 6s are unhealthy the core is a feeling of terrible fear because their foundation is unstable and they don't know what to do. It can manifest as finding some truth to cling onto desperately, or losing faith in everything and not believing anything at all, etc. The 6 may force their beliefs onto others in order to derive some security within themselves. However, 6s are really big on truth, because they believe the truth and certainty gives them mental security. It's very rare you will see a 6 advocating lying. The 6 wants to be as truthful as possible to themselves and others, and expect others to do it too, so that they get the sense of having all the cards laid out on the table.
> 
> "it's not their mind that makes them feel secure" The 6's worst enemy is their own mind. Their mind does not trust objective reality. So even when they fit in objectively, they will feel like they don't. Even when they are objectively safe, they will feel like they aren't. The key to growth for a 6 is to realize their insecurity is a shadow they are boxing with inside their own head. It's only when they make peace with that overactive mind that they start feeling secure and trusting their own thoughts.
> 
> ...


No I'm not saying all 6s are like this. You take one sentence out of context and tell me it means something that it doesn't mean. Listen: the topic is about how 3s are assertive! She wanted to know of specific examples and I gave her a specific example. I said a 6 can be manipulative (which is the part that shows assertiveness) as an example of assertiveness and NOT as an all-encompassing disintegration to 3 from 6. Nowhere did I mention that "All 6s are like this" except when I said all 6s seek security. Which is the basic of basic of 6. I don't appreciate your completely out-of-context analyzing of my post. Never did I disagree with your side and say "no it's like this" but I was saying "this is why it can be like this too" because you asked.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Stelliferous said:


> No I'm not saying all 6s are like this. You take one sentence out of context and tell me it means something that it doesn't mean. Listen: the topic is about how 3s are assertive! She wanted to know of specific examples and I gave her a specific example. I said a 6 can be manipulative (which is the part that shows assertiveness) as an example of assertiveness and NOT as an all-encompassing disintegration to 3 from 6. Nowhere did I mention that "All 6s are like this" except when I said all 6s seek security. Which is the basic of basic of 6. I don't appreciate your completely out-of-context analyzing of my post. Never did I disagree with your side and say "no it's like this" but I was saying "this is why it can be like this too" because you asked.


You specifically said disintegration to 3 involves manipulation. It wasn't a "6s can be like this", it was "6s will". Which definitely implies it is for all 6s, whether or not it was your intention. Also, seeing as manipulation is *not* a core tendency or default stress response of 6s anyway, it was not appropriate to mention it as the main disintegration tendency when talking about how they spiral downwards. 

When you refer to a type in the plural/collectively, you have to indicate a tendency that actually exemplifies the type, and manipulation is not one of them in this case. For example, it is like saying "4s are unconcerned with their authenticity of feeling and expression". That is not an example, but a blanket statement, and moreover, it represents something incorrect about the type. Perhaps this may help prevent similar miscommunication in the future.

Therefore, the assertion indeed required clarification, and I'm glad I got it. Thanks for making your intent known.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Night Huntress said:


> You specifically said disintegration to 3 involves manipulation. It wasn't a "6s can be like this", it was "6s will". Which definitely implies it is for all 6s, whether or not it was your intention. Also, seeing as manipulation is not a core tendency or default stress response of 6s anyway, it was not appropriate to mention it as the main example. Therefore, the assertion indeed required clarification. Thanks for making your intent known.


"6s will" does not equal "all 6s will". It's used in the imperfect language of English all the time with gender, "men like to fart" which is a statement that means "there are men out there who like to fart" and not "all men like to fart". I understand your sentiment but your accusation is false.


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## Vermillion (Jan 22, 2012)

Stelliferous said:


> "6s will" does not equal "all 6s will". It's used in the imperfect language of English all the time with gender, "men like to fart" which is a statement that means "there are men out there who like to fart" and not "all men like to fart". I understand your sentiment but your accusation is false.


It is still an incorrect representation because it is not a core, distinguishing tendency. I provided an example of that above. When you say "[a group] will..." it does imply that either a) it defines the entire group or b) many people in the group. Yet you will not find more than a handful of 6s who favor chronically lying to themselves and others. Moreover, from your signature above: if you say "women are mean", it is an opinion, as compared to this discussion being about Enneagram theory. Opinions can be hyperbolic, but theory cannot.

Anyway, I don't want to derail further, I got the clarification I needed. For any further discussion feel free to PM me.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

Night Huntress said:


> It is still an incorrect representation because it is not a core, distinguishing tendency. I provided an example of that above. When you say "[a group] will..." it does imply that either a) it defines the entire group or b) many people in the group. Yet you will not find more than a handful of 6s who favor chronically lying to themselves and others. Moreover, from your signature above: if you say "women are mean", it is an opinion, as compared to this discussion being about Enneagram theory. Opinions can be hyperbolic, but theory cannot.
> 
> Anyway, I don't want to derail further, I got the clarification I needed. For any further discussion feel free to PM me.


Really I never wanted to discuss anything but you kept telling me I'm saying something I'm not. It doesn't have to be a core representation because IT IS AN EXAMPLE LIKE THE OP WANTED. Again, you're erasing the context.


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## Swordsman of Mana (Jan 7, 2011)

charlie.elliot said:


> This is kind of a weird question, but bear with me...
> 8, 7, and 3 are the "assertive" triad, and for 8s, its pretty obvious what it means to be assertive and how they are assertive.
> But what does it mean for 7s and 3s? On the surface there isn't anything in particular about being super-image-oriented or being a neophile that necessary suggests assertiveness. So if you're a 7 or a 3, or if you know one, give me some examples of a time you were assertive, what you did, why you did it, etc. what does it _really_ mean overall, in contrast to being withdrawn or compliant?


as a practitioner of the Naranjo tradition, I believe it is actually 7, 8 and *2* who make up the most assertive types of their respective centers (though 1 is also a very assertive type, more so than any heart type). to answer your question though, 7 is more unconscientiously assertive while 3 is more conscientious and "selectively assertive". 7s are assertive when they want something and when they see something as immoral (due to their line to 1, which is understated by a lot of authors, including Naranjo and Chestnut imo). 3s tend to way the social cost/benefit of being assertive and don't like to make waves. they will speak up if they feel disrespected or overlooked, but they generally let the little things go (sometimes to their detriment), as this has the potential to make them look defensive or vulnerable (3s are the type on the Enneagram which is best at concealing their vulnerabilities. they are even better at it than 8s).

PS: naturally, it will vary by subtype as well. among both 3s and 7s, the Self Preservation subtype is the most assertive. the least assertive are Sexual 3s (the sweeter, more 9-ish 3) and Social 7s.


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## o0india0o (Mar 17, 2015)

This is going to sound silly, but as a 7w6 - - the simplest way I can describe it is: 

I don't stop, until I get what I want (preferably the _moment_ I want it).

This can apply to small and large goals. It can be something as simple as wanting ice-cream (in which case, it means now*!* & I run to the grocery store - - or if I don't get it, I think about it for *days* until it finally happens; I don't forget). Or something as big as moving to another state, accomplishing an educational degree, etc…

People have told me they admire my tenacity, and are always astonished that when I set my mind to something, it ALWAYS happens. Period.

I wouldn't say I'm very assertive towards/about other people;;
it really applies more to my own life (especially as a 6-winger).


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## o0india0o (Mar 17, 2015)

Stelliferous said:


> All 6s seek security in their mind. It's not their mind that makes them feel secure, it's how they fit in with the world around them. When healthy, 6 will establish harmony which creates consistency and an ease of mind. When unhealthy, a 6 will seek that security by "feeling" secure and not actually being secure. This means getting rid of stress in an unhealthy way that is only temporary. To feel secure the 6 will lie to themselves and others. The deception of the 3 becomes apparent. Lying = manipulation.


I have seen this to be the case with my un-healthy (like rock-bottom health levels) type 6w5 sister. She lies so much, she's not even in touch with reality anymore;; & she definitely manipulates those around her.


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

o0india0o said:


> I have seen this to be the case with my un-healthy (like rock-bottom health levels) type 6w5 sister. She lies so much, she's not even in touch with reality anymore;; & she definitely manipulates those around her.


I've seen it too. That's why I made a point to give the example.


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## o0india0o (Mar 17, 2015)

This doesn't fully go into the depth I had hoped (& it's the last thing I'm going to say about it - - since this is a de-railing topic), but here is a brief description of a Type 6 disintegrating to Type 3 (a type 6 disintegrating to Type 9 -if you believe in that sort of thing- would look different obviously):



> *Six's Connection to 3*
> 
> Healthy connection to 3 brings Sixes self-confidence, productivity and skillfulness. Often supports the will and focus to follow through on what they start. More able and willing to make decisions, leadership capacities can emerge. Emphasis on excellence - what Sixes do, they often do well. Can be proud of their achievements, self-affirming. Also, many have good organizational and administrative talents that are related to this connection. Highly capable, though not always confident.
> 
> ...


Source: http://www.thechangeworks.com/ennprimer/fineenn9styls2.html


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## Purrfessor (Jul 30, 2013)

o0india0o said:


> Just supporting you & your point, no need for snark.


How is that snark? I said I have seen a 6 behave like that too. That's not snark, it's connecting! Before you read that post, there was no way of knowing that I had an experience with a 6. *confused*


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## o0india0o (Mar 17, 2015)

Stelliferous said:


> How is that snark? I said I have seen a 6 behave like that too. That's not snark, it's connecting! Before you read that post, there was no way of knowing that I had an experience with a 6. *confused*


I guess that's not how I interpreted it;;
but, that's not really the end of the world.

I removed the comment when I noticed you were the one who "Thank"-ed my other posts. 
So, while I didn't recognize the comment as any sort of non-sarcastic remark;; I decided it must have been friendly, due to you thanking my other posts.

No harm. No foul.


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Possibly a 3, I just assertively ate a box of Oreos, because I could each: :crazy:


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## d e c a d e n t (Apr 21, 2013)

Living dead said:


> Possibly a 3, I just assertively ate a box of Oreos, because I could each: :crazy:


Are you sure you're not actually a 7

(Jk)


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## Darkbloom (Aug 11, 2013)

Distortions said:


> Are you sure you're not actually a 7
> 
> (Jk)


No.

(Jk, maybe)


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## Donovan (Nov 3, 2009)

i work with someone who i think is a three (and also a variety of sevens), so take this for what it is: 


she's very tall and good-looking, does modeling on the side in addition to waiting tables, and has been in theater for over a decade--but i'm not going into her "achievements" to display '3-ness' but to show that even with a slew of 'socially recognized pennants of value', she still seems to need recognition. 
it comes in the form of--and here her own brand of assertiveness shines--in just trying to be "on top of a situation", no matter how small or big. if it means that she has to talk over people as soon as they mention an interest to let them know that she's already knowledgeable about it, or has mastered it in a very nonchalant way _*might as well be snapping imaginary suspenders*_, or by flipping her opinion a 180 once she hears yours. 
or in how she'll just jump to the front of the cue in order to be the first to try something new at work... if she sees a chance to be noticed as having some sort of value, she'll lose all pretenses--but adopt another set to mesh with her environment, in very subtle ways--and just jump in, metaphorically swinging. 

and that's just it: she looks outwardly in order to know what to jump towards and to more or less ride until it's sinking. this kind of makes her into a giant goofball and sort of a "tomboy", which is actually counter to most peoples' conception of a 3 as being totally smooth and polished (which she can be, but it's truly an act of second nature). 


the sevens range from happy-to-bitchy along their own spectrum, and i don't meant that in an insulting way--i actually think it's endearing and that contrast is one of the reasons i like them: because it paints a contrast of mischevious forest pixies going nuclear over [what are objectively, in a work-related sense] very small things. i still like seeing it though (lol), and they do have a tendency to brighten their own areas while working. except for one in particular who is especially haughty, refined, seemingly knowledgeable, and kind of a dick. 
but that's just it: he really isn't that much of a jerk, and i think as some 7's deal with their running in different ways, it will have to be for different reasons as well. his seems to be from a very large insecurity about his actual person, which may be why he seeks to do everything flawlessly, and why he seeks to climb--and to _enforce_--a social hierarchy. 

he's the kind of person that when everything is going his way, he's exceedingly charming and accommodating, even funny--but, if things aren't going to his specified plans he becomes very passive aggressive and just looks for people doing things that aren't up to the standards of "oh la, la: fine dining, the art of fucking eating" (lol). 
he very much just inserts himself in an "i'm not going anywhere, and i may even be entitled to 'this'"-kind of way. he very much has an "i matter most, always" foundation, under his "come validate how charming and likable i can be"-veneer.


so... i guess from the experience i have, and with the maybe-false perception i have of them, a 7's assertiveness can be impulsiveness (as in they have a drive, not to look at something else necessarily, but not look at something in particular), or it can be a directness that comes out of nowhere and can progress to a cold, would-be-aristocratic meanness (seeing another as less in order to maintain the "right" to continue as one does, as the individual has to be "higher" in order to escape feelings of inferiority?).


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## Splash Shin (Apr 7, 2011)

7s are assertive meaning they will make sure they get what is pleasurable to them. they wont let people get in the way of their pleasure. people wont get in the way of what a 7 wants for themselves in the world.

it doesnt mean they will be aggressive.


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