# What really means losing energy during social situations for introverts?



## alionsroar (Jun 5, 2010)

I find watching tv and being around people for a prolonged time is equally draining for me. (Actually the former is more draining.)
In both cases there is a steady stream of information from the outside world that my attention is directed to instead of being able to focus on the thoughts in my head. My life would be easier if the world came with a pause button

I'd describe being drained as being unable to take in any more information from the outside world. Someone could be talking, and I'd hear them, but it would be like background music that is not registered. It's like quickly scanning through a post, but not actually reading it. It's like I'm wrapping cotton wool around my senses and don't want to be disturbed.


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## justintroverted (Oct 24, 2012)

I can only speak for myself but in some social situations (especially with people I don't know very well if at all) it feels like I am literally shrinking, like I lose a few centimetres of height every second...


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## ujellyfish (Apr 15, 2011)

For me a good distinction is two things: what kinds of activities do you naturally gravitate towards? What do you continuously fall asleep while doing and what do you have a hard time falling asleep to?

A lot of people confuse things like shyness, social anxiety, autism, downright stubbornness, depression, and things like that for introvertedness. Some even confuse it for really stupid things like how much you like to read or go to clubs, and stuff like that!

The typical depiction of an introvert is a shy person who is always reading, has very few, if any friends, talks only when absolutely necessary, shrinks and doesn't know what to do in any kind of social situation, is actually afraid of talking to people, and is always avoiding any and all social interaction. This does not portray introvertedness to me at all. It paints a picture of one for which reading is easy, who is probably autistic, has severe social anxiety, and zero control over themselves. They may or may not be an introvert.

People take introverts to be crazy creative and smart and whatnot, when all of that has nothing to do with whether you're an E or an I.

Personally, I'm always being called an extrovert. It's like, one of the number one qualities people cite about me. And it's true that I try not to avoid socializing with people, I am a good conversationalist, I like to go out of my way to help people, I'm talkative when I have something to talk about, etc. etc.
Now, do these traits make me an extrovert? I doubt it. When it comes down to it, I have a really hard time thinking of group activities (or even, unfortunately for my also introverted boyfriend, things to do in pairs) because pretty much all the things I really like doing are singular activities (things like watching movies, sewing, studying, flat out just thinking about stuff, etc.)
And even though I challenge myself to go out with people, because I like to keep doors open in my life, in the way of potential close friends and career opportunities, after a couple of hours of being out and about in a group of people I don't know super well, I either become physically exhausted or my stomach starts cramping up. I find myself excusing myself from parties sometimes because I'm simply too tired to stay awake any longer. I feel really bad for it too, because as soon as I get to my room I wake up immediately and I normally stay up for hours after that doing something I enjoy on my own.

Basically introverts still need friends, social interaction, and all that jazz.
Extroverts still need time to themselves, deep introspection, and all that other jazz.
People who think "As an introvert I'm much more sophisticated than all those extroverts over there and shouldn't be bothered to try and extend my social horizons at all because it's HARD for me." are diluted, and half of these people are probably extroverts who just have a hard time getting along with the people they know.


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## StElmosDream (May 26, 2012)

ujellyfish said:


> A lot of people confuse things like shyness, social anxiety, autism, downright stubbornness, depression, and things like that for introvertedness. Some even confuse it for really stupid things like how much you like to read or go to clubs, and stuff like that!


Would you mind elaborating on your mention of autism further (just doesn't always ring true after seeing many extroverted autistics or those with good social skills- just more selective on socialising groups sometimes).

Back to original poster: mental fatigue from too much stimuli (senses, emotions and voices) with large supermarkets being somewhere I avoid by choice or very busy drinking establishments (probably even music festivals too)... then again I mostly experience sensory overload (previously needing 1-4 days of silence to hibernate), with brain fatigue occurring more as an empath than an introvert (a therapist suggested this was due to borrowed emotions from others, anxiety and struggling to process so much information from the environment- well I am dyslexic too).


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## ujellyfish (Apr 15, 2011)

StElmosDream said:


> Would you mind elaborating on your mention of autism further (just doesn't always ring true after seeing many extroverted autistics or those with good social skills- just more selective on socialising groups sometimes).


Autistic people can certainly have good social skills, a lot of my friends are like that. But, that's due to a combination of genetics (severity of the autism) and a good upbringing. Autistic traits that are often mistaken for introvert traits are things like not understanding social expectations or roles, straining to pick up on social queues and how to respond to them, to some extent sensory overload is also more related to autism than being introverted.
And certainly there are loads of extroverted autists! That was my point in fact. We as a culture associate a lot of autistic traits with being introverted, when that actually is unrelated. You can struggle in most social situations, but still be an extrovert at the end of the day because when put into the right social environment- alongside people who see the same world as you and interact in similar ways as you- you become energized, and prefer those interactions to being alone. A lot of people who consider themselves to be introverted simply feel that way because they've never been in positive social environments before.


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## AintGotNoExpressions (Aug 29, 2011)

Usually if I'm around people too long I'll just lose the will to be there. I can be having a great time and be surrounded by friends, and then get mentally exhausted and sick of being where ever I am at the moment.


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## AnotherStupidNickname (Nov 11, 2012)

Regarding your question about physical fatigue - no. When I talk about gaining or draining energy, I mean feeling a general _mental _restlessness after spending time socializing. For example, going to parties drains me. Utterly. I feel bored (like you do), impatient and generally moody. Going home or even just hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes comes with a sort of relief that doesn't have anything to do with my physical state. 
On the other hand, at work/school I have no problem being around people - if it's about "business", so to speak, because I don't have to concentrate on people, but rather on the problem I'm working on _with _people. 
Even hanging out with friends, people I genuinely enjoy spending time with, is draining to me and it's not about them. It's not even about me. It's about finding a balance between the inside and the outside and for introverts the balance is more on the inside side of the spectrum.

I think introversion/extroversion has little to do with what you're doing (parties, hanging out, etc.) and more to do with the purpose you're doing it with (people, project, etc.).


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

@_Kito_ described it very well. You don't feel sleepy but more just mentally tired, and need to go off and wind down by yourself. Activities vary, depending on my mood. 

I rarely get that mental tiredness when I am spending time alone. I feel spirited and full of ideas.


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## itsme45 (Jun 8, 2012)

Optimouse said:


> And if I am mistaken and introversion is not about preference but energy loss, as SharkT00th asked does the case exist where an introvert really prefers the outgoing social activities, yet he doesn't go for it because of energy loss?


Used to be the case for me when I had some social phobia, got rid of that though.




ujellyfish said:


> Autistic people can certainly have good social skills, a lot of my friends are like that. But, that's due to a combination of genetics (severity of the autism) and a good upbringing. Autistic traits that are often mistaken for introvert traits are things like not understanding social expectations or roles, straining to pick up on social queues and how to respond to them, to some extent sensory overload is also more related to autism than being introverted.


Haha. I always knew I had a LITTLE autism, really little though. 




> And certainly there are loads of extroverted autists! That was my point in fact. We as a culture associate a lot of autistic traits with being introverted, when that actually is unrelated. You can struggle in most social situations, but still be an extrovert at the end of the day because when put into the right social environment-
> alongside people who see the same world as you and interact in similar ways as you- you become energized, and prefer those interactions to being alone.


I relate to that. I get energized very much... I used to struggle but since then I figured out a few social rules finally by just watching and no problem with quite some of the social thingies now.




> A lot of people who consider themselves to be introverted simply feel that way because they've never been in positive social environments before.


I never considered myself an introvert, I always felt I was extravert because I kept seeking out these environments and felt really sad if I thought I could never make this work.


Btw, for me when the socializing didn't go well, I always tried to withdraw, completely hold myself back, immerse in some book. The more people were really enjoying themselves and the more action around me, the more withdrawn I became. (I thought I was hopeless at trying to join without people laughing at me in a bad way, that was from an old traumatic experience.) At one point I could feel the stress in my body, not mentally but physically in my body. E.g. once I was asked to try dancing and I could hardly move, my muscles got so drained from trying to hold myself back. Yet, when I went outside I immediately recharged, including my muscles lol. I guess they were just tight or something.

I feel mental tiredness if I'm in my head too long though. I can force being in my head if I need to figure out a logical problem, I'm willing to fight the tiredness though as it's not terrible and am being able to fight it and I can keep my focus until the job is done woo hoo.  What I can't fight as easily as that is if I feel it's too many obstacles in trying to make something work that requires logic as I become too frustratedly aggressive. Hehe, but I get over it and continue 

Btw, at first, I'm actually very energized when using my internal logic, I'm enjoying it fine. It just becomes a bit tiring after a while, is all. I think a mental block really comes on only if I'm to generate ideas randomly. I'm not made for that...


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## Hrothgarsdad (Mar 29, 2012)

I get mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted by too much interaction. One fellow introvert likes to hang out with me because I'll just shut down when I've had too much and she can recharge at the same time!


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## luciuslentus (Apr 7, 2012)

For me, I think the hyper awareness of what I'm doing and how I look at every moment makes me just tired. It wears me out physically, mentally, and emotionally. However at other times I can be fine in a group of people however there are times where I start to get irrationally angry at the smallest things. I guess it just depends on my mood and other factors.


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## RobynC (Jun 10, 2011)

Usually losing energy in social relations is a result of being excessively stimulated in a negative way -- this happens to me with certain groups of people _(difficult people, some family members)_, energy is generally gained in situations where that doesn't happen which luckily is most of the time especially since my mid-teens as around that time I stopped caring what most people think about me.


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## Herp (Nov 25, 2010)

It's when I've had my fun and all, and things start to feel decadent and I'm like "I wanna go home".

I've noticed it really consistently. I just want to go home to relax and not care about others for a while.


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## Christie42476 (May 25, 2012)

During a social situation, I tend to feed on the emotional atmosphere of the room, so if it's fun and boisterous, I can easily become those things for the duration.

BUT, there's a kind of slow wilting feeling going on inside of me during that time, after which, I'm exhausted to the point of feeling almost hungover. The day after I've had to socialize to an extensive degree is one of uselessness because I just don't have the energy to be all that productive. I can force it, if necessary due to my obligations, but that'll just make that "drained" period stretch out for longer. Conversely, if I get a period of solitude sufficient to recharge, following that I'm like a bundle of natrual energy that enables me to get unbelievable amounts of stuff done. 

It's not that I don't need to socialize sometimes -- I need regular doses of solitude in combination with regular doses of socialization...it's just that the former comes naturally to me, requiring no effort to function and making me stronger, more energetic, and more productive, while the latter requires a conscious effort on my part to navigate, during which I'm USING the energy I gained from having time to myself to function well. 

The best analogy I can come up with is this: 

Solitude=eating
Socializing=exercise

Both are necessary to me, and both are good for me in the proper moderation and of the proper quality. But one is nourishing me while I expend little to no energy (eating) while the other is making me stronger and fitter while I expend a great deal of energy (exercising).


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## Ellis Bell (Mar 16, 2012)

I find it draining to be out among people; it's kind of like running a marathon without the proper training beforehand. i never feel as though I'm truly prepared for social situations; as much as I might want to join in, I have a hard time doing so. If I spend too much time out with people or if I have to socialize too much or engage with people in conversation too much, I begin to feel lightheaded; there are some days after work where I literally come home and collapse on the couch from too much socialization. In an extreme case, I become scattered like an unhealthy 7, unfocused. Of course, I'm an extreme introvert, so my experiences are hardly indicative of everyone else's.


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## myjazz (Feb 17, 2010)

Optimouse said:


> Hi there, this is my first post.
> 
> I will explain myself. I have been interested lately in the whole introverts - extroverts differences and I have some questions. I consider myself primarily an introvert. What I've read lately about the definition mostly agrees except one point that is not very clear to me and I am not sure about myself. That point about actually losing energy during social situations.
> 
> ...


Sound like a E to me with a confusion of I


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## Coldspot (Nov 7, 2011)

Christie42476 said:


> During a social situation, I tend to feed on the emotional atmosphere of the room, so if it's fun and boisterous, I can easily become those things for the duration.
> 
> BUT, there's a kind of slow wilting feeling going on inside of me during that time, after which, I'm exhausted to the point of feeling almost hungover. The day after I've had to socialize to an extensive degree is one of uselessness because I just don't have the energy to be all that productive. I can force it, if necessary due to my obligations, but that'll just make that "drained" period stretch out for longer. Conversely, if I get a period of solitude sufficient to recharge, following that I'm like a bundle of natrual energy that enables me to get unbelievable amounts of stuff done.
> 
> ...


I'd thank this post multiple times if I could. You have just said exactly how I feel the loss of energy I get when I socialize.


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## Christie42476 (May 25, 2012)

Coldspot said:


> I'd thank this post multiple times if I could. You have just said exactly how I feel the loss of energy I get when I socialize.


Another 5w6 NF! Nice to meet you =]

And I'm glad you feel that way -- I wasn't sure if I was explaining it well, but it's a question that comes up a lot, both IRL and online, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Being an introvert does NOT automatically mean someone is some antisocial, wants-to-be-holed-up-alone-in-their-house-all-the-time hermit incapable of functioning well in large groups, and that stereotype gets old.


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