# If a sensor and an intuitive marry each other, would the intuitive feel unfulfilled?



## Old Intern (Nov 20, 2012)

ferroequinologist said:


> My experience is that this that you describe here is an extrovert/introvert problem. Extroverts have always felt to me to be somewhat shallow.


My example used I/E but My own sensor relationship problem - I don't think the ex thought I was shallow. And I didn't see him as shallow.

Being interested in ideas, is something not real to a sensor - or they have a low threshold for the worthiness of my world - and this is reasonable.

It might be different if I made more money? I don't see pushing myself through the motions of a job that is pure exchange to get money - but I'm not Fi - so to a sensor - I'm just insane? For the moment this is popular with "hipsters"? - to make day to day simple?

But the whole thing of being married is to BE IN the rat race? I'm not trying to sound all holy, and I love small business, read marketing stuff and all that - but I think if you do the full out couples thing - it always turns into doing what "couples" are supposed to do. At that point you have the S N conflict.(*unless the N makes lots of money). I don't think you can put this into deep or shallow. S's call this being responsible, but I call it a long boring to do list of stuff I can just streamline out of my life with no problem - IF I stay single.

*It's not that the S only values money - not saying that at all - but the person in their head isn't providing anything "real" for the S. And what the S (and most of the wold thinks is normal) is not "real" or seen as of consequence as much for the N.

People don't understand that Ti scratches an itch for itself and not as means to end? Ti can be selfish, but even if we are not, this will not be seen as value the way somebody making a cake or doing a muscle job is easily seen as a gesture of good will.
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Bottom line the Sensor feels the relationship is inequitable, while the N believes they have made more adjustments purely for the sake of the partner. This might be backed up with statistics that say INTP's have statisticly higher incidence of partner dissatisfaction?

Other examples -
INTJ - S partner has a right to frustration that INTJ seems to not know most things in life are one-off projects with no benefit from engineering precision, or the high maintenance discussion intensity of INFJ - is it worth it?

ENTJ's with tertiary Se - maybe that doesn't count as a problem.


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## CrudeAsAButton (Feb 18, 2015)

First off, I'll say that health levels/maturity matter above all. An intuitive would get along MUCH better with a healthy sensor than another unhealthy intuitive.

That said, I'll recount my personal experience.

My ex was an ISFJ and I'm an INFP. We got along along horribly. This was partially due to the fact that he was unhealthy, not self-actualized, and blamed others when he felt bad (despite knowing he was bipolar and the source of his malcontent was almost certainly internal). He started torrential arguments, projected constantly (and blindly, ignorantly--he could never see that he was projecting), guilt tripped everyone close to him (via projection, of course). I would constantly end it after one of these episodes, and then he would break down, beg me not to leave, and I fell for the guilt trips every time.

Unhealthiness aside, I think there are some things that made him a less than ideal mate that wouldn't change were he healthy. I remember one instance standing on a balcony overlooking the city we lived in. It was beautiful; I wanted him to share the moment with me. He was unimpressed and I found that heart breaking. I would never attempt to relish in beautiful moments with him again, as I knew he couldn't feel what I felt.

We also never had deep, meaningful conversations. He was a smart man and we had similar interests and ideals, but his knowledge was fact based, and he didn't care to entertain hypotheticals (one of my favorite past times). He was very interested in the "what", but not the "why". I was constantly asking "why" questions to a blank wall. I eventually left Christianity due to my ponderings, and we never spoke of it after I told him (In fact, when I wanted to have discussions about religion before I even told him I was questioning my faith, he'd never partake. Just listen to concerns without reflecting on them.). He wasn't interested in why I'd done so.

Because of those reasons I don't think it ever would have worked between us, even if he were healthy. A sensor would have to be willing to entertain the types of theoretical discussions intuititves are interested in for a relationship like this to work.


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## ai.tran.75 (Feb 26, 2014)

I'm an enfp ( ne Dom ) married to an istp ( Se aux) . We get along quite well and I don't think there's anybody else that I would enjoy or rather be with . Sure there are time when I wish he would share some of the same interests I have or get confuse about what he prioritize as to he would be confused on why I enjoy and do certain things that he finds quite boring but when together or conversing we communicate really well and he makes me feel like the best version of myself and what enjoy most about our relationship is that we can both be our own separate self yet still appreciate one another - we've been together for 10 years 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tezcatlipoca (Jun 6, 2014)

I don't think so. I think what is more important is genuine warmth and love. I find many intuitives overly selfish. So as long as they are accepting of nights like tonight with vodka, pizza, and some classical and jazz music I'm cool. If they want to mix it up with dancing or whatever I'm down with that too.


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## ConspiracyTheory (Apr 13, 2014)

An an ISTP said to her INFP brother "How can you keep talking about this? It's exhausting!"
While I, a fellow N was getting electrified with excitement, the S was getting drained.

Maybe some types can work together depending on their functions, but S and N seem like two different species.


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## chani8 (Apr 7, 2015)

I am an INTJ married to an ISFP, and it's a match made in heaven. 

I talk, he listens. 

I plan and then he makes my plan happen. 

I organize the house, but he does the housework. 

I plan the menu, we cook together, and he cleans it up.

I make the grocery list, but he does most of the shopping. 

I can't imagine being married to someone who is as N as me. No thank you. 

I think it's more a concern how a T and F will get along.


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## Irregular (May 12, 2016)

In your #1, did you mean keep talking or to not keep talking about how you feel?


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## Wild (Jul 14, 2014)

I think it's a matter of the judging functions.

This thread is old as hell and there's a 50% chance I've already posted in it, but my observations have been that people who misunderstand each other most are the ones who have different judging functions. I can converse at length about almost anything with someone who has Te/Fi and never misunderstand them, but throw in someone who's Ti/Fe and while I can still understand them, there's a significant distance in our mentalities somehow, and arguments/misunderstandings are more likely.

And then you have health/maturity/general intelligence (which I'd argue isn't much type related but other people would probably disagree).

I can talk to intuitives. Most of my friends ended up being intuitives somehow. We can talk about stuff, but I just want to go play outside sometimes. And while I do that they can pace around the room and think about astrophysics and how it applies to their inner fantasy of themselves or someshit. It actually ends up being really nice because we can help each other a lot. They're great to go to for deeper logical/emotional advice depending on who they are, and I can tell them when something is a good idea/help them with practical needs.


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## Westy365 (Jun 21, 2012)

My mom is an ESFJ and my dad is an ENTJ and they've been happily married for over 26 years...I think it's more about understanding each other's needs than it is about type. Certain types will just present more challenges for some than others, but anything is possible.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

I think some types will put up with a lot more than others, then you have your people pleasers who will do and say whatever their partners want , so its really difficult to know. There are relationships that one or the other will go the distance even if they hate it, or suffer in silence to please or keep peace and harmony. I think if two people are being honest and are opposites then yes they can have a nice relationship, at the same time they might often be confused by their partner and just chuck it up to they aren't as smart as me, or they are cranky or or or.........

myself, I wouldn't have my best relationships with a sensor. I have sensor friends but romantically speaking, no. With that said there are also other Intuitive I wouldn't want a romantic relationship with either, INFJ for example. So it really is two each their own. I tend to think 2 Intuitive have a better chance at understanding 100%, that is my own personal opinion, and what I know would be true for me.


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## Rabid Seahorse (Mar 10, 2015)

Of course not, assuming the two have similar values and feel genuine attraction. I know plenty of mixed N/S couples who are perfectly happy. Some of these marriages are actually pretty common, like ENTP-ISFJ marriages.


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## ExtraIntroVertical (Feb 27, 2016)

ElectricSparkle said:


> Would the intuitive be any more likely to feel unfulfilled than the sensor? I'd say no.


Oddly Developed Types | The Website for Normal and Healthy People

The results here would suggest otherwise.

*I am not saying all information on the internet is completely true...but there is at least some validity to this...much more than a hunch...


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## NotGettingThere (May 13, 2016)

INFP married to an ISTJ here- and we've been together for over 20 years. For it to work you have to have common ground- he and I share a lot of the same preferences and also mutually benefit from each other's pov's. It requires a great sense of humor, patience, love, commitment and good communication. Basically anything a good relationship requires. If the N is feeling lonely or left out in the cold due to lack of emotional reciprocation (which can happen) it's useful that you gently teach your significant other what you need and establish means where you can tell them you are in need and how they can help you. If you do not communicate or teach each other these things about each other- it will definitely be difficult.


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## Toroidal (Apr 14, 2016)

It depends on the other functions. ENFP like myself gets along fairly well with ISTP because their strong Ti provides depth. xSTJs could be alright if they aren't totally domineering and we have similar passions. xSFP on the other hand would be completely intellectually unsatisfying.

I also believe the best relationships usually involve 1 introvert and 1 extravert. With 2 introverts it can get very boring. 2 extraverts can step on each other toes. So 1 of each creates a nice dynamic.


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## B3LIAL (Dec 21, 2013)

You can say that a sensor would go unfulfilled because the Intuitive would never want to play sports.

Everyone has intuitions, everyone has senses.


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## Wisteria (Apr 2, 2015)

WinterFox said:


> They are so warm, kindhearted, caring, and loyal, *but my energy seemed to get drained around them because of that lack of intellectual connection* :dry:
> 
> 
> My parents are already urging me to find a partner and quickly settle down and get married.
> ...


 Are you serious...haha. General answer is No.

Personally I don't understand why people show more interest in dating intuitive types like themselves. Seems like a boring, narrow option to me. Of course I like intuitive types, but I would prefer someone who was a little more different from myself, otherwise I might lose interest.


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## Doll (Sep 6, 2012)

WinterFox said:


> If a sensor and an intuitive marry each other, would the intuitive feel emotionally unfulfilled?


I'm an intuitive married to a sensor. I'm not going to deny that there aren't issues and miscommunications. Emotional unfulfillment? Never. But I make a point to understand her. I make a point to understand how she expresses love is different than how I express love - and she does the same. If you DON'T make this effort and you are unable to accept alternate types of love (ie, "I made this cake for you. I love you." verses, "You are my heart. My soul. You are everything to me.") Now, I am not trying to over simplify sensors because they are actually very complicated people. However, my SO sees things from this objective, right-in-your-face type of viewpoint. I am more abstract and thorough. Small gestures don't mean as much to me, but they mean A LOT to her and so I make a point to make them because I know how to reach her. 



> If you are an intuitive married to a sensor, where do you usually get your intellectual stimulation from?


Friendships. Writing. Books. My SO can intellectually stimulate me as well, though - she enjoys discussing controversial topics and she always has her own viewpoint - decidedly less complex than mine, but it's still hers and it gives me a lot to think about. I consider that to be intellectual stimulation. 



> Should I give ISFJ men a chance?


Yes. But be prepared to accept him for who he is and understand that he thinks differently from you. Learn more about his type and you will appreciate him even more. 



> They are so warm, kindhearted, caring, and loyal, but my energy seemed to get drained around them because of that lack of intellectual connection :dry:


I think that has to depend on the person you're with, honestly. Sensors aren't dumb. They think differently. If you don't understand or appreciate this difference it might be best to stick to another intuitive, tbh. I enjoy multi-faceted relationships and conflict, so I find it exciting to understand her - or try to, at least.



> My parents are already urging me to find a partner and quickly settle down and get married.
> But the men who pursue me are usually ISFJ and ISFP.
> 
> Should I just give them a chance? :shocked:


You should give anyone a CHANCE. Don't base it on type. Base it on connection. It doesn't have to be intellectual connection. I bonded with my wife over both emotional and physical connection. Intellect always seems to go on the backburner in the first week of a relationship, imo. 



> My ideal marriage partner is a fellow INFJ btw, I can't see myself marrying anyone else except a fellow INFJ.
> But the INFJ guys hardly seemed interested in me :frustrating:


That's weirdly specific... 

Give yourself a challenge.


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## Aelthwyn (Oct 27, 2010)

WinterFox said:


> If a sensor and an intuitive marry each other, would the intuitive feel emotionally unfulfilled?
> If you are an intuitive married to a sensor, where do you usually get your intellectual stimulation from?


SFs are definitely as capable of connecting emotionally as NFs are. Ts may have more difficulty making you feel emotionally fulfilled, but some of them have sufficiently developed their ability to connect on that level - though perhaps with a slightly different way of going about it than typical feelers.

It depends on what makes you feel most loved. If you need a 'mental connection' to feel truly close to someone, that doesn't rule out sensors, some of them are great at intellectual discussion and talking ideas, but you are probably moooore _likely_ to find that with another intuitive. 

Personally, I find affection and emotional understanding/security to be the essential things for a romantic relationship - to make me feel truly loved, while I can enjoy bouncing ideas around and more theoretical discussions mostly with my other friends and still feel satisfied. Is it sometimes disappointing when my ISFP husband doesn't track with or get enthusiastic about my speculative ramblings? Sure, the same as it's sometimes disappointing to him when I don't track with his explanations of how some gadget he's tinkering with works or don't get excited about trying new activities and sensations for myself. But this isn't the sole, necessary way we connect and sharing these things together just some of the time seems to work out alright. 

If you can't respect someone who doesn't thrive on theoretical discussions then in the long run you may find yourself disappointed with a partner who just can't get into that. If you feel like someone's lack of getting into your 'deep dicussions' is going to cause conflict when it comes to making important choices in life, then they probably aren't going to be the best partner for you. However, one cannot say that all sensors fail in this regard, it's only a generalization that many sensors do not naturally gravitate towards philosophical/hypothetical contemplation and discussion - many may find such topics interesting or of value just not something they want to spend as much time on as intuitives tend to naturally do (and then of course there are some who just don't get into it at all). It's also important that they can respect you for your likely less 'active' and tangibly 'productive' pastimes and not make you feel guilty for 'wasting time' in contemplation or reading, etc.


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## The_Wanderer (Jun 13, 2013)

Rule 1: Everybody is a sensor and an intuitive, especially if they're well-developed human beings.

Rule 2: MBTI doesn't concern itself heavily with relationships between types, that's a Socionics thing. In that system the most desirable type is backward in function order (i.e. Se + Fi and Ni + Te, Ti + Ne and Fe + Si).


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Yes thats it that is why my marriage failed me. Because I was a sensor and unfilled the all mighty intuitive. 

Or....

Because we were not on the same page in maturity. And our cognitive functions clashed. 

No it was not Ne & Se that clashed at all. Actually those got along fabulously. It was the Fi & Ti that smashed. As well as inferior Si & Ni in each other. 

I have no idea why so many people have themselves fooled into thinking that intuitive is always a guarantee for dynamite. Eh my ex ENFP was extremely narrow in his world views. I was far more interested in engaging perspective. His Ne served him well in socializing and in inventing. But I paired fine with that. As I love project management so I would always make his projects and visions happen by drawing up the bullets. And I loved accenting most of the parties he loved hosting as far as putting all the touches on. But his Fi and inferior Si were not all that dynamic in engaging in current events. I actually wanted to chuck rocks at him by the end of our marriage after hearing his narrow world view for so long. So it appears in some ways he did not engage or stimulate me. Gee amazing. 

This Op is old so whatever. But its really self righteous and very narrow honestly. Pretty sure I could easily engage in more versatile conversation then my ENFP ex. No this is not just a self assessment. Its well known he was a lovable goof with great great ideas for inventing and his Ne shined there. But in no way did I not keep up with that. I was pretty good at making his visions a reality by bringing in the focus on materials and concept. But conversing wise yeah he was limited on perspective and world view due to Fi Si loop. Soooo point even N's can be idiots if they are self righteous and dont gauge balance and harmony in functions. He is a case of one. I have an ENFP friend who is very balanced and healthy. Point usually the most boring people are narrow as fuck and unbalanced in function development.


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