# What reasons could there be that people do not want to hear your side?



## rosesandgold (Jun 12, 2015)

What could be reasons that people are not willing to hear you out on something that happened and they saw some of it?


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## Miharu (Apr 1, 2015)

They’re utterly convinced their (or their party’s) version of the story is the most accurate or they do not want to be proven wrong or they don’t like you. They could also just be done with it.


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## Handsome Dyke (Oct 4, 2012)

They don't care
They think you'll lie or omit important details
They don't believe that you accurately observed the situation
They don't want their own perspective upset by information you might add
They want to forget or move on from the whole situation
They think they already know what you'll say


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## Llyralen (Sep 4, 2017)

I think sometimes taking a certain attitude makes it so that someone can be lazy. They don’t have to challenge their mind to think harder, they don’t have to get involved. Sometimes the truth is more complex than the lie. 

Me? I don’t do this if I can help it— I hope—especially if there is an opportunity to learn the complex side of things. I like the truth.


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## OrchidSugar (5 mo ago)

Gotta walk away from people like this as soon as you are able.


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

I always want to hear as many sides as possible. That is the one problem with internet advice when it comes to situations with more than one person. You never get to hear any other perspectives, so you have to believe it all happened in a vacuum, Or not.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

I mostly do want to hear all sides
.as for why ppl do it, I think others have covered it very well already

why I wouldn’t listen

I’ve warned this person repeatedly and they went and did it anyways, then they get hurt or in trouble and now they played the victim when they were warned from the beginning (same excuses over and over, I already heard it, but they keep making the same mistakes)….or it’s something they repeatedly do and never seems to get it/ learned or if I caught you doing something against me… 

like a bf cheating, if he tells me on his own bc he felt bad is one thing, but if he has been caught then wants to explain, I don’t care, no integrity

like a friend that keeps hanging out with the wrong ppl or places, then they get double crossed by these ppl, I warnEd that will happen, but they choose to ignore the issues and the warning …..(if I warned and this was the first time they been burned, I will have a bit more sympathy but if this has happen before and I warned then I just don’t have that much sympathy)…choose to ignore warnings, and not be observant themselves..then if this is repeated,you can only save a person so many times before you just got to let them fall and deal with consequences themselves….I will still be their friend but no sympathy in this situation until they can see their own part (not saying they have to take full blame, but must see themselves in this situation).. or your not really helping them.

( I will listen if they are including their part in the whole thing…like they realized what they should of done/their responsibility in The Whole thing, but just blaming and being the victim, no…)


like my step dad and speeding in his car ( his whole life he has been getting speeding tickets)…I don’t want to hear how unfair it is that he got another ticket…or why or how or anything …I’m done with it. He just doesn’t get it and probably never will.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

They're just done with you and don't care anymore. Nothing you could say makes any of it justifiable. I currently do not care to hear someone's side because of this. Like, what they did is not OK, no matter what their reasons were, so it just doesn't matter. I don't want to hear excuses or drag it on.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

None, in my opinion. Nothing justifiable anyway. Maybe if say you've been a cop for 20+ years and you kind of stop listening to someone you're arresting about how innocent they are, then maybe.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Lunacik said:


> They're just done with you and don't care anymore. Nothing you could say makes any of it justifiable. I currently do not care to hear someone's side because of this. Like, what they did is not OK, no matter what their reasons were, so it just doesn't matter. I don't want to hear excuses or drag it on.


Lack of forgiveness, basically. 
Sometimes people have also gone back and forth so many times that you just don't even want the rollercoaster anymore.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Lunacik said:


> Lack of forgiveness, basically.
> Sometimes people have also gone back and forth so many times that you just don't even want the rollercoaster anymore.


Which is why most people are better off by just minding their own business.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Scoobyscoob said:


> None, in my opinion. Nothing justifiable anyway. Maybe if say you've been a cop for 20+ years and you kind of stop listening to someone you're arresting about how innocent they are, then maybe.


Also, I still stand by what I said here.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Which is why most people are better off by just minding their own business.


Which is irrelevant/not applicable to anything I said, so clearly youre not understanding something.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Lunacik said:


> Which is irrelevant/not applicable to anything I said, so clearly youre not understanding something.


I'm not going to argue about something so stupid, but you're clearly just making assumptions then. Which isn't all too surprising, because it's easier to assume and jump to conclusions than finding out the truth.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> None, in my opinion. Nothing justifiable anyway. Maybe if say you've been a cop for 20+ years and you kind of stop listening to someone you're arresting about how innocent they are, then maybe.


Really black and white thinking. You sound inexperienced with people.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> I'm not going to argue about something so stupid, but you're clearly just making assumptions then. Which isn't all too surprising, because it's easier to assume and jump to conclusions than finding out the truth.


I dont even know what youre going on about. We are having 2 different conversations here. Something about this topic clearly hit a nerve for you, and it has nothing to do with me, but you seem to be forgetting that.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Lunacik said:


> Really black and white thinking. You sound inexperienced with people.


I've met more people than you will likely ever meet. You sound like the neophyte experiencing the Dunning-Kreuger effect here. Anyway, what I said was a solution to most people becoming depressed when they want to know every detail about someone they find to be interesting. I wasn't affirming or rejecting anything you said.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> I've met more people than you will likely ever meet. You sound like the neophyte experiencing the Dunning-Kreuger effect here. Anyway, what I said was a solution to most people becoming depressed when they want to know every detail about someone they find to be interesting. I wasn't affirming or rejecting anything you said.


As I said, you are confused.

Only, now you are also responding from a place of egotism.

Ew.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Lunacik said:


> As I said, you are confused.


_sigh_ Stop making accusations to see what sticks. That makes me want to be rid of you immediately than having to deal with someone like you.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

Scoobyscoob said:


> _sigh_ Stop making accusations to see what sticks. That makes me want to be rid of you immediately than having to deal with someone like you.


Are you projecting? I was telling you that whatever youre on about is not what I was talking about. Thats not even an accusation.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Lunacik said:


> Are you projecting? I was telling you that whatever youre on about is not what I was talking about. Thats not even an accusation.


Okay, I'm done here.


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## Lunacik (Apr 19, 2014)

annnd that ego head is going on ignore. red flags.


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## ShushFox (3 mo ago)

rosesandgold said:


> What could be reasons that people are not willing to hear you out on something that happened and they saw some of it?


Preconceived judgments and contempts, and natural disgust.


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## Bella2016 (Mar 5, 2013)

If I take the title alone and apply it to life in general... 
What reasons could there be that people do not want to hear your side?

A possible but perhaps quite rare situation is that if someone's brain is full because they've been beating themselves up (not literally) already (and everyone else keeps beating them up also), they probably don't want to hear more accusations. However that isn't what you're asking..

To answer the question specifically, I have to say first that I don't understand what you are asking. You have evidence against someone and the person who could benefit from the evidence won't listen to you? Sorry, it's just not clear to me.


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## OrchidSugar (5 mo ago)

Some people just like to play little emotional games. You can be unfortunate enough to run up against someone like this who seems normal at first. Yall get close. Share your vulnerabilities. But then over the course of your relationship you notice they start to do little things to provoke you. Or they stand silently by as someone else hurts you. Watch you get all riled up then neglect you at your most vulnerable moment, when all you wanted was some understanding. I hope you never meet anyone like this Rose. Take your time meeting your new friends. There are many lovely people out there!


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

rosesandgold said:


> What could be reasons that people are not willing to hear you out on something that happened and they saw some of it?


The part thats a bit confusing is when you said "and they saw some of it", if I saw something with my own eyes then I'd trust what I saw over what someone said but I'm still gonna hear the other person out even if it's just to prove to myself that they're lying (since I saw some of it)


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## rosesandgold (Jun 12, 2015)

Bella2016 said:


> If I take the title alone and apply it to life in general...
> What reasons could there be that people do not want to hear your side?
> 
> A possible but perhaps quite rare situation is that if someone's brain is full because they've been beating themselves up (not literally) already (and everyone else keeps beating them up also), they probably don't want to hear more accusations. However that isn't what you're asking..
> ...


I mean, if you have done or said something when for example you were mentally unwell and said something hurtful or weird and the other person heard that but they do not want to hear why you said those things and what was going on. You are not denying that it happened because it did, but there is an explanation.


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## rosesandgold (Jun 12, 2015)

ENTJudgement said:


> The part thats a bit confusing is when you said "and they saw some of it", if I saw something with my own eyes then I'd trust what I saw over what someone said but I'm still gonna hear the other person out even if it's just to prove to myself that they're lying (since I saw some of it)


I mean, if you have done or said something when for example you were mentally unwell and said something hurtful or weird and the other person heard that but they do not want to hear why you said those things and what was going on. You are not denying that it happened because it did, but there is an explanation.


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## ENTJudgement (Oct 6, 2013)

rosesandgold said:


> I mean, if you have done or said something when for example you were mentally unwell and said something hurtful or weird and the other person heard that but they do not want to hear why you said those things and what was going on. You are not denying that it happened because it did, but there is an explanation.


Hmmmmm...... I guess that depends if the person is intent oriented or result oriented, someone who is result oriented won't care what excuse u had or what reasoning u might have, if you did X then that crosses the boundary and is unacceptable period. 

I guess you could see it like this;

Say that I told you a secret that you really wanted to know and I made you promise you absolutely CANNOT tell ANYONE else about it as it could ruin my reputation or w/e then you have some psychotic episode or insertReasonHere and told someone and word got out. Someone who was intent focuses might be accepting of your behavior as your mental instability or w/e caused it but you didn't mean to but a results oriented person wouldn't care coz no matter what your excuse was, he got fked over in the end so why associate with you in the future? Especially if it could happen again.


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## rosesandgold (Jun 12, 2015)

ENTJudgement said:


> Hmmmmm...... I guess that depends if the person is intent oriented or result oriented, someone who is result oriented won't care what excuse u had or what reasoning u might have, if you did X then that crosses the boundary and is unacceptable period.
> 
> I guess you could see it like this;
> 
> Say that I told you a secret that you really wanted to know and I made you promise you absolutely CANNOT tell ANYONE else about it as it could ruin my reputation or w/e then you have some psychotic episode or insertReasonHere and told someone and word got out. Someone who was intent focuses might be accepting of your behavior as your mental instability or w/e caused it but you didn't mean to but a results oriented person wouldn't care coz no matter what your excuse was, he got fked over in the end so why associate with you in the future? Especially if it could happen again.


Yeah, I see what you mean.


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## recycled_lube_oil (Sep 30, 2021)

ENTJudgement said:


> Hmmmmm...... I guess that depends if the person is intent oriented or result oriented, someone who is result oriented won't care what excuse u had or what reasoning u might have, if you did X then that crosses the boundary and is unacceptable period.


That describes me in a nutshell.


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## 98403942 (Feb 10, 2021)

Look up 'egocentric bias'.


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## Kintsugi (May 17, 2011)

Too immature. Being able to tolerate another's subjectivity is a developmental milestone that (unfortunately) many miss out on. It's why narcissism is so rampant in the Western world. We done fucked up.


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## Pianoman (Dec 6, 2015)

I am blunt and sarcastic to the point that most think I am insulting or demeaning to them. In reality, it is just the way I talk about almost everything and in almost every situation. People either love me for it or you hate me for it. There are not many in-between after they get to know me.


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## MsMojiMoe (Apr 7, 2021)

I hope my answer wasn’t disrespectful to OP or sound like I’m taken the side of the other person…

but when I only get to hear a brief one-sided version and many answers lend one way…against the person who can’t be here to represent themselves…I see them as the underdog in the conversation ( bc they have no voice in it and bc ppl seem so fast to judge them without hearing their side)… I tend to try to think of ways someone might , in the case, not listen and not be the ultimate bad guy ( I put few reasons why I or others might )… it so easy to bash ppl …so I try to give answers that will make others see a different view

ive been in the situation with my dad and stepmom…she hates me…we were all at Disneyland and she and my dad were in front of me on a roller coaster, we were talking and laughing and she say she likes to duck where it takes a picture bc she doesn’t want her picture taken on the roller coaster …I say don’t duck, be in the picture with us or you’ll ruin the picture …well she blew up at me and starting screaming at me in front of everyone how she ruined the picture…then told my dad that I didn’t want her in the picture and I didnt like her ( which I dont now) …and so on..my dad knows my character, he raised me…and he was right there…but when it came to taking sides, he wouldn’t, he just kept playing dumb, she says this and you said that, idk he would say, he never had a backbone when it came to me….I wanted her to be in the picture, but he just wouldn’t hear it…of course, she has all these problems and I need to be understanding, according to my dad

i feel like I’m always the one who has to be understanding, but no one will take the time and understand me

and so when I read stuff like this…I read “this person” won’t listen/understand me but I have to wonder are you listening/understanding them
sometimes we get so caught up in what other ppl are doing or not doing that we forget to look at ourselves

( I use ‘you’ as a generic term, not specific)
like mostly I talked about “repeating” the same thing over and over…again the friend should listen to you but are you listening to them ( their warning, concerns, etc)….why should one side listen but not the other side…this is one view that could be happening

so I look for answers that may not be so obvious or so Condemning to the other person,without their voice to tell their side. Not saying that’s the situations…it just kinda bothers me when I see ppl being condemned/made out to be the bad guy without given a proper voice. It’s hard to me to judge someone negatively without knowing their side…I feel guilty if I do that, I wouldn’t want someone to say negative things about me if I didnt even get to state my side…Plus, the obvious answers are usually already given. Any could be true.

i answer a lot of threads this way…it can be off putting to lot of ppl


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## IamAlexa (Jan 28, 2021)

rosesandgold said:


> I mean, if you have done or said something when for example you were mentally unwell and said something hurtful or weird and the other person heard that but they do not want to hear why you said those things and what was going on. You are not denying that it happened because it did, but there is an explanation.


You are missing one main point. What is the amount of damage that this person has done?
This is a major factor that whether people will listen to this person's reason or not.
If the damage is little, the person will be forgiven. If the damage is major or irrecoverable, then this person will not get the forgiveness no matter what the reason.


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## rosesandgold (Jun 12, 2015)

IamAlexa said:


> You are missing one main point. What is the amount of damage that this person has done?
> This is a major factor that whether people will listen to this person's reason or not.
> If the damage is little, the person will be forgiven. If the damage is major or irrecoverable, then this person will not get the forgiveness no matter what the reason.


That is true, I thought about that too. 

It is subjective to each person what people find going too far and what their limits are.


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## IamAlexa (Jan 28, 2021)

rosesandgold said:


> It is subjective to each person what people find going too far and what their limits are.


I agree that it is subjective. But still, there's a boundary in which this subjectivity is entertained. 
1. Did you say something that was just hurtful, like some insult? 
2. Did you say something that did some damage - like broke some relationship or affected somebody's life's decisions? 
3. Did you say something that spoilt your image but didn't cause anybody else any harm? 

I don't know if there's some other category. Feel free to add.


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## Llyralen (Sep 4, 2017)

Scoobyscoob said:


> Also, I still stand by what I said here.


From what I’ve read, a lot of innocent people (is it over 50% ?) are in jail because cops are tired and want to close cases and not investigate further— and maybe because they assume nobody they have in their custody is innocent. Look into interrogation info, if you’re interested. So that might be part of the push-back you’re getting.


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## Scoobyscoob (Sep 4, 2016)

Llyralen said:


> From what I’ve read, a lot of innocent people (is it over 50% ?) are in jail because cops are tired and want to close cases and not investigate further— and maybe because they assume nobody they have in their custody is innocent. Look into interrogation info, if you’re interested. So that might be part of the push-back you’re getting.


What pushback? I don't live in Europe, I live in the US. People can have whatever opinions they want but that doesn't mean I'm beholden to them. Also, I wouldn't be interested in looking into prosecutorial misconduct as I doubt the number of people in prison, not jail but prison, who did not actually commit the crime they went to prison for is anywhere even close to ten percent. In the US, that's a serious crime and could lead a prosecutor and any police officers who may have falsified evidence to lose their very comfortable City/State/Federal government job.


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