# Things that will make you dump your mate?



## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

Stephen said:


> That's quite an absolute. Let the lady speak! @MuChApArAdOx?


I wasn't preventing anyone from speaking. Just adding my two cents. Why, I'm not allowed to speak? Sorry, didn't know it was a private conversation.



Hokahey said:


> That's subjective.


OK, no problem, it's just my opinion. But if you think something good does come of it, please explain what it is. I'm just curious...


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> @Stephen
> I can't say not being jealous can hurt a relationship. Depends on the relationship really. If there is a sincere emotional connection and you're in a situation that someone is flirting with your SO, its only natural to feel a bit of jealously. Not to the point there has to be an argument/fight, just enough to make you realize how much you care about this person. You may find yourself during this moment wanting to feel closer to her, or make the OP aware she is with you. Personally i enjoy when my SO shows small signs of jealously, it lets me know he's aware of his feelings.


I don't think I've been in a situation where someone was flirting with one of my significant others in my presence. I imagine my response would depend upon her reaction to it. But, as I said, it's all hypothetical.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

napoleon227 said:


> Nothing good comes from jealousy.


@Stephen

It is crucial to understand that jealousy is mostly about fear - fear of losing control, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of loss, fear of abandonment. It is a reflection of our own insecurities - our attractiveness, our desirability, our utility.

Little flashes of jealousy are good from time to time. Firstly, it keeps the romance alive. And the partners do not take each other for granted. Among friends, these flashes of jealousy can motivate each one to achieve more and more.


----------



## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

napoleon227 said:


> OK, no problem, it's just my opinion. But if you think something good does come of it, please explain what it is. I'm just curious...


Well if my girl gets jealous and takes me home to have sex with me because I look more desirable to her as per MuChApArAdOx's explanation of simply being aware of her own feelings and surroundings. Woot, go me. (Yes, a little light humor, possibly even in poor taste, I apologize)

Also if two people share the same qualities in each other and one of those is "minor jealousy" (even major depending on the people and how they deal with it) both people will actually be drawn to it. Any two people who share the same value of such a thing (or anything) would have a strong relationship as a result.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

napoleon227 said:


> I wasn't preventing anyone from speaking. Just adding my two cents. Why, I'm not allowed to speak? Sorry, didn't know it was a private conversation.


Oh no, it's ok, buddy. I was goofing around. No worries.


----------



## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

There is a difference between jealousy and interest. You don't need to have fear to have interest in a person. Irrational fear of losing someone is unhealthy in a relationship, and shows a lack of trust. One can dislike the idea of another person flirting with their SO, but that's not the same thing as being jealous of that person. In fact, if you trust that your SO is exclusive to you, there is no cause to be jealous of someone you know cannot have them.

I want my partner to show an interest in me, not in their own insecurities.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Stephen said:


> I don't think I've been in a situation where someone was flirting with one of my significant others in my presence. I imagine my response would depend upon her reaction to it. But, as I said, it's all hypothetical.


@Stephen 
As an ENFP i have been blatantly flirted with many times in front of my SO. He never makes a really big deal of it, as he knows i can handle myself. His presence is not always known because he likes to sit in the foreground, going unnoticed if possible. He also watches my body language, if he feels i'm uncomfortable, and it can happen, he will make a move and rescue me. Sometimes i will play with my aggressor ; ) if i see no potential harm, leaving my SO to feel a bit jealous. That's when he makes his move again , this time not to rescue me, but to kiss or snuggle me...win win ;-)


----------



## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

@MuChApArAdOx, @Hokahey, @Stephen,

Of course, this isn't the first time I've discussed this whole issue of jealousy before, so I get what y'all are saying (well two of you anyway). It's just that I don't really ever feel jealous. Maybe someday I will, who knows? Then y'all can laugh at me!

But seriously, I think that a relationship has to be based on trust. Jealousy is just a symptom of insecurity, which isn't very attractive (to me anyway). Possessiveness, which takes jealousy one step beyond insecurity, is actually a lack of trust (or in some cases an attempt at control).

I've seen jealousy screw up a lot of relationships, but I've never seen it save one. Still, I want ya to know, I do understand it. I just don't particularly like it.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

hziegel said:


> There is a difference between jealousy and interest. You don't need to have fear to have interest in a person. Irrational fear of losing someone is unhealthy in a relationship, and shows a lack of trust. One can dislike the idea of another person flirting with their SO, but that's not the same thing as being jealous of that person. *In fact, if you trust that your SO is exclusive to you, there is no cause to be jealous of someone you know cannot have them.*
> 
> I want my partner to show an interest in me, not in their own insecurities.


When myself or my partner are feeling a bit jealous, it has absolutely nothing to do with trust. Of course we we are exclusive to one another. Its more to do with, i want him all to myself, because i'm selfish. With that being said, i do enjoy it also. Although i may be a bit jealous when beautiful women flirt with my SO, at the same time it makes me smile because it tells me i have a nice catch, reminds me that he is still attractive in the eyes of other women. He would say the same about me.


----------



## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> When myself or my partner are feeling a bit jealous, it has absolutely nothing to do with trust. Of course we we are exclusive to one another. Its more to do with, i want him all to myself, because i'm selfish. With that being said, i do enjoy it also. Although i may be a bit jealous when beautiful women flirt with my SO, at the same time it makes me smile because it tells me i have a nice catch, reminds me that he is still attractive in the eyes of other women. He would say the same about me.


So what you're saying is that you feel possessive of him, and you use this moment of jealousy as a way of getting him to boost your self esteem in regards to physical appearance? Do you feel like this affirmation of your value is something that you need from a relationship?


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

napoleon227 said:


> @MuChApArAdOx, @Hokahey, @Stephen,
> 
> Of course, this isn't the first time I've discussed this whole issue of jealousy before, so I get what y'all are saying (well two of you anyway). It's just that I don't really ever feel jealous. Maybe someday I will, who knows? Then y'all can laugh at me!
> 
> ...


Yes, for sure too much jealously is very toxic in a relationship. I was only referring to small doses, in very particular situations. I couldn't handle a man who was obsessed with me.


----------



## pinkrasputin (Apr 13, 2009)

I think jealousy is a turn off. It usually encourages the opposite behavior too. I just work on trying to show my mate how much I trust him, not how jealous I am. That can really be insulting to not feel trusted.

So if he is playing games with me and trying to passively get more attention it won't really work. And if I found out that it was a game, I'd be extremely upset over the immature tactic. He's purposely trying to hurt me and make me feel insecure about the relationship instead of talking to me directly about a need he may have. I'm trusting him to be an adult. 

As for me, I think it would be better to admit how appreciative I am of our relationship and his _daily choice to be with me _, rather than do something stupid like make him fear I'd go off with another person. Having a sense of stability in a relationship is important to me. I'm off battling the world all day, I need some refuge and less games. I'm sure my partner would be the same.

However, if I sense an insecurity on my part, I like to divulge it. I'm sure he will get a boost to his ego over me admitting it. "It's certainly nothing you did hon, but I'm feeling a bit insecure. That girl is all over you, she is freaking beautiful. You look hot as hell tonight so I don't blame her. I'm just gonna have to take my little insecurity and channel it into ******* your brains out in the bathroom right now just to make sure you're well fed :blushed:". Whether I'm really insecure or jealous is not really the point. Hahaha. Good times. :crazy:


----------



## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> When myself or my partner are feeling a bit jealous, it has absolutely nothing to do with trust. Of course we we are exclusive to one another. Its more to do with, i want him all to myself, because i'm selfish. With that being said, i do enjoy it also. Although i may be a bit jealous when beautiful women flirt with my SO, at the same time it makes me smile because it tells me i have a nice catch, reminds me that he is still attractive in the eyes of other women. He would say the same about me.


We're not talking about the same thing. What your describing sounds normal and healthy, but it's not what I think of when I hear "jealousy". The jealousy I was referring to is something quite different, resulting in conversations that start something like "Where the hell were you? Who were you with?!!" You know?


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

hziegel said:


> So what you're saying is that you feel possessive of him, and you use this moment of jealousy as a way of getting him to boost your self esteem in regards to physical appearance? Do you feel like this affirmation of your value is something that you need from a relationship?


Hehe, no. We don't have possessiveness in our relationship. We are selfish although, both of us  What part of us being able to accept OP flirting with us didn't you understand in my previous post. I don't need to hear from him or any man i'm beautiful, i know this to be true for myself, yes i have a small ego. Neither of us need to affirm anything in regards to our value. We know what we're worth, alone and as a couple.


----------



## Stephen (Jan 17, 2011)

pinkrasputin said:


> However, if I sense an insecurity on my part, I like to divulge it. I'm sure he will get a boost to his ego over me admitting it. "It's certainly nothing you did hon, but I'm feeling a bit insecure. That girl is all over you, she is freaking beautiful. You look hot as hell tonight so I don't blame her. I'm just gonna have to take my little insecurity and channel it into ******* your brains out in the bathroom right now just to make sure you're well fed :blushed:". Whether I'm really insecure or jealous is not really the point. Hahaha. Good times. :crazy:


*falls over and dies*


----------



## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

pinkrasputin said:


> However, if I sense an insecurity on my part, I like to divulge it. I'm sure he will get a boost to his ego over me admitting it. "It's certainly nothing you did hon, but I'm feeling a bit insecure. That girl is all over you, she is freaking beautiful. You look hot as hell tonight so I don't blame her. I'm just gonna have to take my little insecurity and channel it into ******* your brains out in the bathroom right now just to make sure you're well fed :blushed:". Whether I'm really insecure or jealous is not really the point. Hahaha. Good times. :crazy:


Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, LOL!


----------



## Hokahey (Oct 8, 2010)

I could say to my SO who is about to go spend the whole day with her dad on one of her days off. "Man, I'm so jealous you are going to (such and such) have fun though" (and is sincere) I would hardly say that's really "threatening" and/or "hurtful". Jealousy I think is getting a too "narrow" outlook. 

When my ex was out with friends I was "jealous" because they got to hang out with her when I wanted to. How is that damaging, unless I do something negative with that notion. Then that negative activity should be blamed, not the "jealousy", goes back to blaming the symptom instead of the disease.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

napoleon227 said:


> We're not talking about the same thing. What your describing sounds normal and healthy, but it's not what I think of when I hear "jealousy". The jealousy I was referring to is something quite different, resulting in conversations that start something like "Where the hell were you? Who were you with?!!" You know?


 @Stephen@napoleon227
No, i was speaking in small doses only. My SO doesn't question me, ever. He knows i can be playful, or flirty as some would say. I say flirty because us ENFP get that sterotype often, although i my mind it's playful, friendly and fun only. He accepts this behavior, and knows it would never escatate into anything more than simple conversation. He actually enjoys watching me have fun, it makes him smile knowing i'm having a good time with OP. Its the OP he concerns himself with, not me. Although he understands and respects my playful side, he knows that some men would take it the wrong way, making themselves believe i was interested in another way. Silly men


----------



## napoleon227 (Jan 17, 2010)

Hokahey said:


> I could say to my SO who is about to go spend the whole day with her dad on one of her days off. "Man, I'm so jealous you are going to (such and such) have fun though" (and is sincere) I would hardly say that's really "threatening" and/or "hurtful". Jealousy I think is getting a too "narrow" outlook.
> 
> When my ex was out with friends I was "jealous" because they got to hang out with her when I wanted to. How is that damaging, unless I do something negative with that notion. Then that negative activity should be blamed, not the "jealousy", goes back to blaming the symptom instead of the disease.


Good point. There is a difference between feelings and actions, for sure. I can't honestly say that I have never felt what you described.


----------



## snail (Oct 13, 2008)

I haven't always been so strict about these, but right now:

1. If he considers sensitivity a flaw, he might harm me when I am already hurt, and I will never trust him not to. The kind of annihilative emotional spiral this creates is completely devastating. Without trust, there can be no intimacy. I do not think people like this deserve to be in relationships. 

2. If he is superficial about appearances, even in a way that causes him to find mine attractive, it means he is a materialist, our values are incompatible, and I will never fully respect him. I can't get turned on by someone I consider inferior, and I would always think of him as a mindless animal.

3. If he resorts to verbal abuse during conflicts or at any other time, I will end up feeling rejected, and will eventually seek acceptance elsewhere.

4. If he ever, even once, engages in any kind of victim-blaming behavior, no matter how subtle, I will not tolerate him, and he will be lucky to get out of the relationship without my pyrokinetically annihilating his soul with my mind. The first time it happens, we will fight. At that point, he has a choice. If he doesn't change and apologize, I will allow no opportunity for it to happen again. 

5. If he cheats on me, it will make it very difficult for me to ever trust him again. If it is a one-night-stand rather than an ex-girlfriend or a female best friend, I will leave him for it, for the reasons described in number two. Also, If he habitually uses porn or looks at other women lustfully, I will consider this worse than physical cheating. I will feel unwanted, and will take it as a sign that he is secretly superficial. Again, see number two.

6. If he is critical or demanding, micromanages or nitpicks, I will feel unappreciated and I will grow to resent him. I have no reason to stay with someone who finds everything I do displeasing. 

7. If he uses violence against me, even once, yells or throws things, punches walls, or attempts to physically intimidate me in any manner, I am likely to have a panic attack because of my past experiences, and I will never feel safe with him again.

8. If he keeps doing or saying something after I have told him it is causing me distress, refuses to let me physically leave the room during a conflict in which I feel anxious, or otherwise attempts to control me in a manner that prevents my fleeing to safety when I am emotionally overwhelmed, I will not feel like he respects my boundaries, and I will never trust him again. 

9. If he lies to people for selfish reasons or in order to have control, I will stop trusting him, especially if he is pretending to be nicer than he is so he can use people.

10. If he fails to be appropriately supportive when I am in distress, or increases my suffering instead of just validating my feelings, there is no point in staying with him. My last relationship ended because my boyfriend offered advice/accusations and argued with me instead of helping me deal with being emotionally overwhelmed after a conflict with someone else. Of everything I have listed, this one has been the most common way for my relationships, including my friendships, to end.

11. If I am in any kind of danger and he fails to rescue me, I will feel betrayed and alone. This is actually the reason I left my abusive ex. It wasn't for the violence. It was because he didn't wake me up when I was having a nightmare, and when I woke up on my own, he was watching, smiling. He told me the things I had been crying out in my sleep, and how he let it happen to me because he was angry with me for not being able to stay awake with him. 

12. If he considers any part of my INFP-ness to be a flaw, or if he tries to change who I am, I will feel misunderstood and unappreciated. I will seek understanding and appreciation elsewhere.

13. If he habitually says insulting things about people I relate to, or criticizes others for qualities I do not consider flaws, we are incompatible, and it isn't going to work out.


----------



## Blanco (Dec 23, 2010)

Unnursvana said:


> sensitivity


Well hello there.


----------



## SyndiCat (Oct 2, 2010)

habanita said:


> Passive-aggression drives me completely nuts. That's the quickest deal-breaker for me.


I would so love it if by any chance this post was passive-aggressive in nature.


----------



## habanita (Apr 13, 2011)

SyndiCat said:


> I would so love it if by any chance this post was passive-aggressive in nature.


I would reply but I am unable to directly confront you :crazy:


----------



## Elsewhere1 (Mar 22, 2011)

Bad hygiene and anything that falls into that category.............


----------



## kaleidoscope (Jan 19, 2012)

1) Lying. Number one turn off, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I could not ever stand a liar. 

2) Disrespect and rudeness.

3) Overly jealous and paranoid for no reason at all. 

4) Abusive. 

5) Cheating.

Those are the major five deal breakers - not in order.


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

Cheating immediately jumps to my mind, which is an auto-dump for me. I always state up front that I have a one-strike rule on cheating. I won't cheat on you, and I don't expect you to do so to me. If at any point your feelings for me change, all you have to do is let me know, and you can free yourself of the relationship for whatever your reason. All I ask is that you be up front and *tell me*. I don't believe this is an unreasonable request.


----------



## Antichrist (Apr 6, 2012)

Lack of subtlety, coarse behavior, obvious displays of idiocy, extreme insecurity, lack of commitment.


----------



## Mountainshepherd (Feb 23, 2012)

Getting fat/letting themselves go

Explanation: Sexual attraction is a central part of an intimate relationship, if you weren't sexually attracted to someone they would never have become your mate. Allowing yourself to become sexually unattractive or physically unappealing to your mate is putting them in a situation where their sex drive and their love for you are suddenly in opposition. It also shows a lack of respect for your mate, part of what attracts us to other people is how they put themselves together on many levels. Abandoning some of the things someone loves about you is a bait and switch. 

The ancient Celts considered it valid reason for divorce.


----------



## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

Cheating kills the relationship faster than anything else I've yet encountered. Currently, it's the only deal-breaker I've had at the point with relationships. Not saying there wouldn't be others, but this has been the only one that's caused me to drop the other person. And why do I have a zero tolerance policy on it? Because you don't have to cheat on a partner. Go to them first, work it out, or end it. Either way is better than cheating on them and yet trying to keep the relationship going as if nothing's happened. >_>


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

GoodOldDreamer said:


> Cheating kills the relationship faster than anything else I've yet encountered. Currently, it's the only deal-breaker I've had at the point with relationships. Not saying there wouldn't be others, but this has been the only one that's caused me to drop the other person. And why do I have a zero tolerance policy on it? Because you don't have to cheat on a partner. Go to them first, work it out, or end it. Either way is better than cheating on them and yet trying to keep the relationship going as if nothing's happened. >_>


I am in 100% agreement with you.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Yep.. agree with the last two posters.. and its probably the only thing in most cases that could make me end it.

______________

Edit: And no matter how much he "lets himself go" physically.. I probably wouldn't even notice much, and I sure as heck wouldn't care as long as its not a huge health problem. And if it was, I would try to help him, not throw him away. Geez.


----------



## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

Mountainshepherd said:


> Getting fat/letting themselves go
> 
> Explanation: Sexual attraction is a central part of an intimate relationship, if you weren't sexually attracted to someone they would never have become your mate. Allowing yourself to become sexually unattractive or physically unappealing to your mate is putting them in a situation where their sex drive and their love for you are suddenly in opposition. It also shows a lack of respect for your mate, part of what attracts us to other people is how they put themselves together on many levels. Abandoning some of the things someone loves about you is a bait and switch.
> 
> The ancient Celts considered it valid reason for divorce.


Well then you'd better marry an ectomorph who never has a child. Good lord.


----------



## Mutatio NOmenis (Jun 22, 2009)

Callous disloyalty will get you mercilessly booted in a hurry.


----------



## Mountainshepherd (Feb 23, 2012)

Promethea said:


> Well then you'd better marry an ectomorph who never has a child. Good lord.


Philosophically I mean this for both genders. 

I intended to imply through lack of effort. My tone was in reference to situations where it is one of choice and effort. We all age and changes do occur with our bodies. My mentioning the Celts was a reference to that level of the idea. I won't bore you with a Celts lecture, but look it up if you're curious.

I was overweight for years and I worked back into shape. It changed a great deal for me in how I felt about life. I feel it is fair to expect that from someone I would pursue because I want to maintain that. Two partners who share the same goal will be happier for it.

The forum question was about what would make you (as in me posting) dump your mate, this is my answer. Would it always be my answer? probably not but its a hypothetical. Regardless a judging "good lord" is kind of inappropriate for you to reply with, this coming from someone who judges as a thinking style. Just because I'm a man doesn't mean my reasoning is shallow, your assumption might be but that belongs to you not me.


----------



## SlowPoke68 (Apr 26, 2010)

1) Reneg on all mutual understandings from before the marriage.
2) Reveal yourself to be an addict while doing nothing to acknowledge and recover, despite my urging.
3) Contribute nothing to the household while living like a pig
4) Blame all your emotional states on me
5) Spend every dime out of the mutual checking account while blaming me for allowing you to do so.
6) Put me in a position where the cost of replacing you is far outweighed by the costs of keeping you around (and by "cost" I mean mental, emotional, and monetary)

That ought to do it. Made a decision after 5 years of that shit and didn't look back once.


----------



## Drewbie (Apr 28, 2010)

Expecting or demanding a normative romantic relationship.
Expecting or demanding exclusivity.
Hurting my zucchini.


----------



## reletative (Dec 17, 2010)

Honestly, i don't have "dealbreaker" outside of being a drug addict or harming my child.

When I'm committed, I would b willing to work through just about any relationship issue and I would have to reach a breaking point where I had tried for an extended period or time to resolve things and saw no hope that there would be resolution.


----------



## geekofalltrades (Feb 8, 2012)

Cheating. If I found out that my partner cheated on me - _found out_, not _heard from Debbie's brother's cousin that Marshall said Valerie said she saw my SO sucking off Dimmy behind the old woodshed_ - then I would confront them with it and immediately dump them. They get no chance to explain, no chance to redeem themselves, no chance to try to win me back. I am _gone._

If I found out that she lied to me about something and didn't have a really good reason for doing so, I would probably dump her.

I would also dump for repeated offenses of stupid bullshit:
her: "I just had a dream that you cheated on me. Why would you do that!?"
her: "Why don't you try a homeopathic remedy?"
her: "I wish people wouldn't treat Snookie so badly."
me, to all of the above: "If you ever say something like that again, I am going to boot your ass to the curb."

...or of not trusting me or taking me at my word:
her: "Are you suuuurrrrreee you don't want kids?"
me: "I did say I didn't want kids, didn't I? Because I'm pretty sure I said that."
her: "But Debbie's brother's cousin _said_ that Marshall said Valerie said she saw you behind the old woodshed..."
me: "I have not spoken a lie to you in all the time I've known you. If you don't start taking me at my word, I'll throw your ass out and never look back."

I would also immediately dump if my S.O. "found god." I try not to judge people who believe in god (actually, I judge them ferociously, but I try to keep it to myself), but I don't put up with any "god" silliness in my personal space.


----------



## changos (Nov 21, 2011)

*Growing confessions. *(Don't know how to name that...)

You know, they tell you that somehow the trust reached X level and NOW they feel like sharing something deep (a bomb) with you regarding their past. -That's fine if you ask me.-


The problem is when the confession is only a part of the truth, and then after certain time they tell you "well, there is something I didn't tell you"... and the list keeps growing until they reach unaceptable stories, like "when Paul (the bad wild ex) hit me in the face it was because I stole money from him, and called him stupid... and crashed his car....


Or like in my case, one supposed sexual abuse was a lie....... (and now you tell me...) So yes, whenever someone begins telling me paused confessions or "by chapter" I just goooo awaaaaay.


----------



## knittigan (Sep 2, 2011)

Physical or mental abuse.


----------



## Terrestrial Wisdom (Dec 8, 2010)

Cheating
Emotional instability
Anger, control, jealously, possessiveness and other annoying issues
Drug use/alcoholism
Low level of tact and traits like compassion and empathy
Pranksters
Sexism
Dishonesty 

The list can go on... which is why I am solo now and prefer to stay single.


----------



## Hruberen (Jan 2, 2012)

If they were:
*Cheating on me
*Did not love me or want me any longer
*If they never wanted to hang out
*If they were constantly grounded so we couldn't hang out
*If they were not their own person, and depended on their friends wayy too much
*If we would be going to different schools, and we never saw eachother outside of school
*If she's out of driving range to see at least once a week
*If she's abusive

Those are all the reasons i've broken with girls in the past, minus cheating and abuse which should be common sense.


----------



## MyName (Oct 23, 2009)

Generally not respecting me (whether that be through cheating, abuse, controlling behavior or the general relationship dynamic) as well as a lack of sex, her hugely letting herself go physically, or a major change in her values that does not sit well with me.


----------



## Zanimus (Aug 25, 2011)

I can think of a few situations that would be a deal-breaker regardless of context.

If she :
-Is abusive
-Is manipulative
-Insists upon marriage
-Cheats
-Smokes


----------



## DeductiveReasoner (Feb 25, 2011)

Sexism
Abuse
Possessiveness 

And if for some reason he gets in the way of my travelling. My freedom almost always comes first.


----------



## Playful Proxy (Feb 6, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> If your not interesting = bored
> If you can't apply depth in communication = boring
> If you can only have intellectual conversations = bored
> If you can never be serious, only silly = boring
> ...


Correct me if I am wrong, but this strikes me as, "He must entertain me, constantly. ENTERTAIN ME!"

My List:
-----------
-Traditional Gender Roles - I want a partner, not a slave. Tell me what you want and attempt to quantify that want so we can weigh which decision is more important and to whom(it usually weighs in your favor since there is a lot of crap I really could care less about doing/not doing)
-Mixing Signals Constantly - I know the difference between my Ne and Fe fighting and someone screwing with me. 
-Cheating
-Unable to connect on an intellectual level - Give me something to work with....I really, REALLY don't care who is having Beiber's babies. 
-Arrogance - Self explanatory. It drives me nuts.


----------



## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

Signify said:


> Correct me if I am wrong, but this strikes me as, "He must entertain me, constantly. ENTERTAIN ME!"


Entertaining and holding my interest are two different things. I don't need people to entertain me, i can be entertaining all by myself. I do need someone who is well rounded, basically everything i said in the post.

If you are_ interesting _with lots of _depth_, can have_ intellectual conversations_,
and_ playful fun_ = _Perfect _ _I'm hooked for life
_


----------



## chip (Oct 12, 2011)

Cheating, abusing and watching porn, and giving into the shitty media.


----------



## perennialurker (Oct 1, 2009)

I am very selective about who I will get into a relationship with. Finding someone and then making that investment would not be easy for me so I am far more likely to try very hard to make things work. The only things that would cause me to dump someone would be cheating or some other kind of gross dishonesty where it turned out that they weren't at all what they said. Again, my selection process means that I am more likely to overlook potentially good partners rather than start one with the wrong partner.


----------



## scude (Jun 7, 2010)

I'm really surprised to see so many go with cheating. It would be a big problem but not a simple bye as a self-value. I think it might tell more about the quality of the relationship if the other partner is driven to cheat as well. Ok, so what without couldn't I do in a relationship. 

I think lack of openness and honesty. If the partner wasn't ready to give me that for some reason anymore, I don't think I'd really see a point in continuing it.

Lack of empathy and support as well.

Abuse - any form. 

Lack of respect.


----------



## GoodOldDreamer (Sep 8, 2011)

Cheating is a deal-breaker for me because it's not something that one is simply "driven" to do. It's preventable, in every kind of instance I can think of. If you have a partner, rather than cheat on them, how about you talk to them? Try to work out any issues you may have? That's why it's a deal-breaker to me. It's not the act of cheating itself. It's the lack of either trying to make things right so that doesn't happen, or to at least end the relationship before "moving on to greener pastures".

I won't condone that kind of disrespect and abuse of trust in anyone, most especially an SO. I don't give my heart away to just anyone, and all I ask is that it be well kept when I do.


----------



## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

I learned this the hard way, and I hope I've learned my lesson now so I don't repeat the same mistake again: one of my ex-mates could not be comfortable with my having a few close male friends. I ended up keeping an unnatural distance from these friends while I was in that relationship and I even felt guilty when I'd email them or reply to their emails because my then-mate gave me a complex about this. My point is I would end a relationship immediately if a guy I dated and/or was in a relationship with expressed jealousy or insecurity over my having these friends in my life. I say this because I don't have too many friends and ones I do have, male and female, are worth more than gold to me.


----------



## Hruberen (Jan 2, 2012)

@SillaSY That's called isolation, one of the signs of an abusive relationship, should immediately raise a red flag. Also, think about it this way, your friends were there a long time before your boyfriend/girlfriend usually

@GoodOldDreamer I wholeheartedly agree with your statement, there is really no excuse for cheating.


----------



## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

Try to control my social life and prevent me from having male friends.
Doing anything cruel or sadistic.
I don't mind polyamory, as long as you extend the same courtesy to me and tell me whom you're fucking, and then make sure you're clean of STD's. Going behind my back is NOT ok.


----------



## Curiously (Nov 7, 2011)

Hruberen said:


> @SillaSY That's called isolation, one of the signs of an abusive relationship, should immediately raise a red flag. Also, think about it this way, your friends were there a long time before your boyfriend/girlfriend usually


That's what I concluded myself as well, but I found out the hard way. Live and learn, basically. I knew intuitively his way of viewing my friendships was wrong, misguided, and limited, but it was my fault for allowing his view to affect my actions. Never again.


----------



## Charlton Palmer (Apr 7, 2012)

If she poops with the door open.


----------



## Master Mind (Aug 15, 2011)

scude said:


> I'm really surprised to see so many go with cheating. It would be a big problem but not a simple bye as a self-value.


Meh. If I'm going to be 100% faithful to my SO (which I am), then I think I deserve a SO who is going to be 100% faithful to me. I don't believe this is unreasonable. Speaking for myself, I deserve better than someone who is going to cheat on me.


----------



## scude (Jun 7, 2010)

Master Mind said:


> Meh. If I'm going to be 100% faithful to my SO (which I am), then I think I deserve a SO who is going to be 100% faithful to me. I don't believe this is unreasonable. Speaking for myself, I deserve better than someone who is going to cheat on me.


I don't think anyone wants to get into a relationship with anyone who has the frame of mind "going to cheat" on their partner. I'm just saying that life happens, and I'm not ruling out the possibility because I do not know what kind of variables would play into that sort of situation. Was it a one-night stand in a LDR, for instance. I don't know.


----------

