# Am i depressed or just a sympathy seeker?



## Depresso (Jun 18, 2011)

Well I can't remember the last time that I've actually been happy with the way my life has been going. When I'm with my friends at times I'm all happy go lucky, smiling, goofing and cracking jokes. But when I'm alone that is when my low self esteem and insecurity kicks in, I feel worthless and I always think about ending my life. Even though I have no real reason to end it. I always tell this one friend that I'm going to kill myself before the end of the year because at times that is how I really feel. But I do not know how go from feeling this way to being sometimes happy around my friends, maybe I'm just looking for sympathy. I don't know, at times I don't ever want to be happy because without being sad I lose my identity and I lose my ability to connect with people. My head is filled with intrusive obsessive thoughts and sometimes I just feel so angry and depressed at my life. I'm too lazy to look for a job, I'm too lazy to do my Uni work. Just reading through this makes me sound like a little *****. I always wish something would happen to me to make me sad forever like one of my parents dying or something, I know that sounds horrific but I always think that. 


Anyways back when I was in like year 9,10. I used to tell my friend I want to die ant stuff but then he just told me that I'm just saying that to look for sympathy from other people. Ever since then I've always wondered if I'm just being an attention seeker and I've always looked for clues on whether I'm depressed or not. Maybe im just being an sympathy seeking little *****.


Male 19 btw.


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## overthinking reality (Mar 20, 2013)

Depresso said:


> I don't know, at times I don't ever want to be happy because without being sad I lose my identity and I lose my ability to connect with people. My head is filled with intrusive obsessive thoughts and sometimes I just feel so angry and depressed at my life.


Do you really think that being sad is part of your identity? I don't think that should be true for anyone. To me, you don't sound like an attention seeker-- I don't know why an attention seeker would join a website and post anonymously about their feelings without any other reason-- so I don't know. Maybe you should talk to a counselor... being sad without an apparent reason may be because you're unmotivated. Try career counseling. If you can find a job that you're really passionate about (for me, that would be being able to help others), you may find meaning in your life. These are just my thoughts, I hope they are somewhat helpful


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## Depresso (Jun 18, 2011)

It is helpful .

I like to think that I am not. But I've posted this same post a few times before over the net cause I'm so damn paranoid I am. I can't hold a conversation with my friends on facebook without it turning it into a depressing sob fest. Haha I do not know, I'm like attracted to sadness. Today while I was alone I was just thinking to myself how I was going to kill myself before this year ends. hahahahaha.


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## SublimeSerendipity (Dec 30, 2010)

@Depresso,
It sounds like you have clinical depression. I would strongly suggest going and talking to a counselor or therapist. You don't have to feel like this. Between therapy and oftentimes medication, people with depression can live healthy normal lives. 

When I was your age (16-20) I struggled a lot with severe depression...specifically between senior year of high school and freshman year of college. 

It gets better. You're at a very difficult age, things will look up.

But really, go talk to a counselor. Most universities have psychologists on campus that students can go to for free.


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## Jetsune Lobos (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm curious - What are you doing recreationally outside of schoolwork and hanging out with friends?


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## Aquamarine (Jul 24, 2011)

I agree with @BuckeyeENFP, I really think that you're depressed. Don't listen to the people who say that you're an attention seeker; depression can be caused by imbalanced hormones in your brain. It's not your fault, so don't be so hard on yourself. You have a right to ignore judgmental people because they don't know what it feels like to be in your shoes.

Please take care, I recommend approaching a psychologist.


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## VeraH (Mar 27, 2013)

Hey Depresso, it does seem as though you are quite depressed/deflated. If you want, a good starting point could be a trip to your trusted GP. S/He can then refer you to appropriate services. Treatment options could be either psychotherapy (talk therapy), drug therapy (medication) or both.

As with BuckeyeENFP, there should be counselling services provided at your university. Usually free of cost or for cheap.

Depression can hinder a lot of your productivity and potential. It can also disrupt your ability to socialize. Above all, it makes you feel crap.

It is a process to bypass depression. But it can and will happen


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## MindSlinger (Jan 18, 2013)

My opinion is that you will grow out of it. 
Just don't do anything about it until then. 

Of course, I am not a professional anything, so don't take my word for it. 
If you need help, get help. There's nothing wrong with that.


BTW: The reason I think you will grow out of it, is because you are asking the question. That means you already know what you think the answer is. You already knew the answer when you asked yourself the first time. What ever the answer is right now, it will almost certainly continue to evolve over time, as you continue to ask it of yourself. You still might need someone to help you realize what you already know.


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## Bipedal P 314 (Dec 10, 2011)

MindSlinger said:


> My opinion is that you will grow out of it.
> Just *don't do anything about it until then*.


That is the worst advice you can possibly give.


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## MindSlinger (Jan 18, 2013)

BiPedalP314 said:


> That is the worst advice you can possibly give.


I hope you feel free to ignore it.


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## Depresso (Jun 18, 2011)

Thanks for all the comments 

As much as I like to be I do not think I am clinically depressed. Clinically depressed people are depressed almost all the time. I just came home from hanging out with my friends and I didn't feel depression at an elevated level I normally do, I was cracking jokes/smiling/laughing etc. But the thing is I am not happy to be like this. Every time I laugh or smile, I always think to myself 'I shouldn't be like this' 'I should be quiet'...this is so hard to explain online, if only you guys can feel how I feel.


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## HandiAce (Nov 27, 2009)

Depresso said:


> Thanks for all the comments
> 
> As much as I like to be I do not think I am clinically depressed. Clinically depressed people are depressed almost all the time. I just came home from hanging out with my friends and I didn't feel depression at an elevated level I normally do, I was cracking jokes/smiling/laughing etc. But the thing is I am not happy to be like this. Every time I laugh or smile, I always think to myself 'I shouldn't be like this' 'I should be quiet'...this is so hard to explain online, if only you guys can feel how I feel.


Are you saying you want to have a more stably consistent emotional level whether or not your with friends? I can relate to that. Being frustrated and annoyed one day only to be happy and cheerful the next bothers me...


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Depresso said:


> As much as I like to be I do not think I am clinically depressed. Clinically depressed people are depressed almost all the time. I just came home from hanging out with my friends and I didn't feel depression at an elevated level I normally do, I was cracking jokes/smiling/laughing etc. But the thing is I am not happy to be like this. Every time I laugh or smile, I always think to myself 'I shouldn't be like this' 'I should be quiet'...this is so hard to explain online, if only you guys can feel how I feel.


Been there. 

I suffered from genuine depression from 17-23 (sounds like it's melancholia with you aka unhappiness) and I remember stopping myself from laughing or smiling if I began because a part of me didn't want to let go of depression. It was almost like it was a protest to reality (I want things to be the way I want them to be otherwise I'm going to stay depressed) or many people treated me with 'kid gloves' because I was depressed rather than communicating with me as an equal or playing social games.

You admitted something *really really* fucking important in the OP. *Really fucking important.*



> I don't know, at times I don't ever want to be happy because without being sad I lose my identity and I lose my ability to connect with people.


I can't stress how much self honesty it takes for someone to say that. You have deep respect from me.

IMO and IME part of your shift towards consistent happiness will be when you change your self-belief and means of social connection. Losing or changing our identity can be an incredibly scary thing, many people will fight tooth and nail not to experience the discomfort of changing their self-concept even if it will benefit them (I know I did).

Also the dynamics of your valued relationships (which you've alluded to) is probably built on you being melancholic and people giving you affection, attention, and time due to you being 'down'. So part of your shift will be realizing that you desire to feel significant, and you can feel significant in friendships even if you are happy and healthy, and people will still give you empathy through challenges.

But all this is easy to say, and until either you hear the same things from different sources, or life experiences facilitate a shift, you won't let go of your current self and social identity.


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## strangestdude (Dec 8, 2011)

Just realized the significance of your name being depresso. :wink:


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## KilljoyKoala (Mar 22, 2013)

If you were a sympathy seeker, you wouldn't even ask this question. You have true concerns, go get that checked out.


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## WhiteTulips (Sep 28, 2012)

I get the impression that you are depressed because you are under-stimulated and leading a "depressing lifestyle". I would try getting on a regular (and sufficient) sleep schedule, eat less crap, exercise every day, stop watching tv, and stop drinking/smoking if you do. Then see how you feel.


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## Bipedal P 314 (Dec 10, 2011)

Depresso said:


> Thanks for all the comments
> 
> As much as I like to be I do not think I am clinically depressed. Clinically depressed people are depressed almost all the time.


I would beg to differ. I have been diagnosed as being clinically depressed and I'm not depressed most of the time but I do experience recurring episodes of crushing depression. It's never as cut and dry as you put it. Some people can go days or weeks at a time without an episode then suddenly fall into a pit of despair. Just a few weeks ago, out of line with my standard experience, I experienced an episode that lasted almost a week - arguably my worst experience.

Telling people that you want to kill yourself may be a way to seek attention but it could a method that ends up saving your life. I don't tell anybody that I sometimes feel like killing myself and I might make the irrational decision one day to end it all without any real hope of surviving a choice that will be made while I'm incapable of fully comprehending the consequences of my actions. You should cry wolf but it's not terribly bad that you're letting people know to watch out for any unusual behavior.

If you experience depression don't sit back and wait. The longer you go without getting help you increase the likelihood that you never will.

Depression is serious and you should get a seasoned opinion or two.


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## Bipedal P 314 (Dec 10, 2011)

MindSlinger said:


> I hope you feel free to ignore it.


I'm worried that somebody who seriously needs help won't ignore that little snippet of advice.


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## MindSlinger (Jan 18, 2013)

BiPedalP314 said:


> I'm worried that somebody who seriously needs help won't ignore that little snippet of advice.


Well, if you'd notice the rest of the snippet, you you'd notice that I said: 

1) I am not a professional anything.
2) If you need help get help. 
3) There is nothing wrong with asking for help. 

Other than that, I was asked for my opinion. Just like you were. Let my opinion be my opinion, and yours be yours. 
Let the op make his own choices. 
Tell him of your concerns if you like. 
You were invited to do so. 
But I don't base my opinions on yours. I base them on mine. 
I invite you to do the same.


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## Bipedal P 314 (Dec 10, 2011)

@MindSlinger I was merely expressing a concern, try not to take it personally.


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