# Don't open doors for men



## Grandmaster Yoda (Jan 18, 2014)

He's a Superhero! said:


> *Rushes ahead to open a door for Yoda*


*walks around in circles in the vicinity of the door but refuses to pass through*


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

Wellsy said:


> ... it might hurt their self-esteem
> 
> Can't find full access to the bloody study though and see no mention of sample size at the very least X(
> When door holding harms: gender and the consequences of non-normative help
> ...



Oh.. I didn't know that. I'm a woman and I have held open doors for men before. I've always viewed this type of thing as basic manners/courtesy. I tend to hold open doors for all sorts of people, young people, old people, men, women.


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## General Lee Awesome (Sep 28, 2014)

i ll be very thankful if you did open doors for me.


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## ScientiaOmnisEst (Oct 2, 2013)

*facepalms hard*


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

Well, looks like I have to stop being nice to guys to protect their self-esteem. Maybe yelling at them will make them feel better about themselves.

...Wait, that doesn't work either? Damn, I'm fucked no matter what I do.


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## MsBossyPants (Oct 5, 2011)

How about we all agree to do this:

The first *person* to get to the door, or the one who is in the better position to do so (not carrying a package, not on crutches, etc) opens the door. Problem solved.

Does everything have to be a dick measuring contest?


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## niss (Apr 25, 2010)

Article is crazy!
@Wellsy - you haven't lived long enough. I've been the brunt of several feminist rants, due to holding the door open for them. 

Guys and gals hold the door open for each other, in my world. To do otherwise would be rude. No, I'm not emasculated by someone holding the door open for me.

Please hold the door open for me. I don't care if you think I'm weak, a pansy, or whatever. What your motivation is, doesn't matter to me.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Grandmaster Yoda said:


> *walks around in circles in the vicinity of the door but refuses to pass through*


Com'on man, it will be good for you. Besides, you can trust me, I will not slam it on you as you try to pass.


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## Gossip Goat (Nov 19, 2013)

Okay, I wont.

:tongue:


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

As a girl I usually let, even slightly force men to hold open doors for me...I'm always a little uncertain when it comes to older, frailer men though. Sometimes you can tell that holding open doors is a matter of pride for them, other times it's pretty obvious that you're going to be the door-opener, but most of the time I'm caught between the two options. I usually try to walk ahead to make it seem natural to open the door myself but sometimes it's impossible.

I think for the modern generation it seems silly but to older men there's a higher value on it.


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## Sporadic Aura (Sep 13, 2009)

MsBossyPants said:


> Does everything have to be a dick measuring contest?


I dunno. But I do know one thing. My dick is totally bigger than yours!


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

Sporadic Aura said:


> I dunno. But I do know one thing. My dick is totally bigger than yours!


IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!


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## MsBossyPants (Oct 5, 2011)

Sporadic Aura said:


> I dunno. But I do know one thing. My dick is totally bigger than yours!


Congratulations on your genetically determined random "achievement". erc3:


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## WamphyriThrall (Apr 11, 2011)

I love it when they do. Perfect opportunity to strut my shit with head held high. Sadly, I didn't get the opportunity until around college, and it was usually with the white girls (guess upbringing makes one more egalitarian)...


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## SuperShock911 (Jul 15, 2015)

I've held doors open for anyone behind me for as long as I remember, and the majority always seemed grateful regardless of gender.


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## TETRAGRAMMATON (Aug 1, 2015)

Defining the scenario:

The door in question is a access door to an departmental office, with several offices behind it.
The door has a self closing mechanism in it (Spring loaded. Can be held open, but will close itself when not obstructed)
The door is a Aluminum framed door with transparent glass panels. You can see someone on the other side of the door.
The door has a biometric reader and magnetic lock.
The door uses fingerprint authentication, unless the person who is swiping against the biometric reader has override access which does not require a secondary fingerprint authentication (as is the case with my access card. I swipe and the door lock disengages)
Opening the door requires swiping against the reader (and if secondary authentication is required) will then request a finger to be placed on the reader before granting access and disengaging maglock.

My behavior towards this:

*Scenario 1.*
Going through the door.
Person approaches who is going to go through the same door. They are en-route.
Person approaching is a familiar civilian. He/She does not have an access card.
Hold the door open as they pass. Common courtesy. Momentarily monitor their direction as they enter the building.

*Scenario 2.*
Going through the door.
Person behind me is stationary, waiting for me to go through the door.
Person is a civilian who does not have an access card, but is a familiar. The person has been waiting at the door for someone to open.
I open the door, go through, and hold the door slightly ajar for a moment.
They proceed to open the door further by taking the handle and passing through.
Their direction and intent is briefly observed.

*Scenario 3.*

I'm in a hurry. I swipe my card and go through the door.
A known civilian without access is waiting at the door to enter.
I do not hold the door if there is someone or not.
If they decide to tailgate through, they will have to find a way to get out on their own.

*Scenario 4.*

An unfamiliar person is standing at the door.
I walk up to them and ask them if they wish to enter the building.
I ask them who they wish to visit, and the reason for their visit.
If I deem the reason valid, I will open the door and walk the person to the office in question.
The person will always walk in front, and thus enter before me as I hold the door open.
If I deem the reason flimsy, I indicate that they need to visit security and be escorted to the office with a security pass.
No door holding is done. The door is closed by myself after entering the door until maglock engages.
I obstruct the gap as I physically show the person that I am not going to allow them access.

Observing door etiquette does not factor into conscious thought of a demoralizing nature.
If a man/woman feels demoralized by the nature of door etiquette, there is self-esteem issues that need to be addressed.

In some cultures, it is traditional for the man to enter the room first, to observe any dangers. See early African cultures.
In others, woman are given the opportunity to enter before a man, as a sign of respect.

Now, on modern times, neither opening or expecting a door to be opened is acceptable practice, and thus a subconscious subject of opening a door or not, has become a topic where you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

If you open it for a woman, you're oppressing an able-bodied person.
If you don't open for a woman, you're being sexist.

Male-Male interactions are usually based on rank. If the person going through the door is above your rank, you hold the door open, or open for them, and recognize their authority.


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## Cephalonimbus (Dec 6, 2010)

Revolving doors are the greatest invention since penicilin.


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## Sourpuss (Aug 9, 2014)

I open the door for anyone nearby. It's just polite.

If they don't like it then can stand there and wait. I'll give up after a second or two and then they can open it themselves.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

Bipedal P 314 said:


> I always thought that one person holding a door open for another was a courtesy regardless of gender. I get irritated if people don't observe this courtesy.


Is it really considered a courtesy, though? It pisses me off every time someone does that for me.


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## Danse Macabre (Oct 30, 2009)

emberfly said:


> Is it really considered a courtesy, though? It pisses me off every time someone does that for me.


It is. When you factor in older and much younger people... and most of everyone else. Consider the alternative. Letting a door shut in most people's faces would piss them off. I wouldn't get angry, but it's not exactly polite.


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## Wartime Consigliere (Feb 8, 2011)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Indeed, however in the minds of many feminists it is.


To be fair, holding doors open _only_ for women, is probably still sexist.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

I always hold the door, but I usually hold it from the inside for men whereas sometimes for other women I'll walk around and hold it. It seems a decent enough compromise. 

I appreciate anyone of any gender willing to hold doors open for me, for the record.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Optimist Mind said:


> To be fair, holding doors open _only_ for women, is probably still sexist.


Oh I agree with that.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Optimist Mind said:


> To be fair, holding doors open _only_ for women, is probably still sexist.


Just a thought...wouldn't that be more sexist towards men?


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## Wartime Consigliere (Feb 8, 2011)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Just a thought...wouldn't that be more sexist towards men?


That's how I'm first inclined to look at it... but that's probably because I relate more to the view that it's a polite gesture of helping to make someone's day easier. I can't relate to the people who get grumpy over this sort of thing.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Optimist Mind said:


> That's how I'm first inclined to look at it... but that's probably because I relate more to the view that it's a polite gesture of helping to make someone's day easier. I can't relate to the people who get grumpy over this sort of thing.


So this thread's title really should be "Open doors for men too" lol.


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## Wartime Consigliere (Feb 8, 2011)

He's a Superhero! said:


> So this thread's title really should be "Open doors for men too" lol.


LOL. Pretty much! Or even just "Open doors for people". That'd be more inclusive of the LGBT community.


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## AriesLilith (Jan 6, 2013)

I tend to hold the door open for anyone to pass but some men might seem confused and refuse to pass. In those moments we asked each other to pass first for a few times which taught me to not insist too much as they can be stubborn lol.

It seems that some men would also wait for women to get out or get into a room/elevator first, which can be less pratcical as they are in front of me sometimes. Although I never minded as they are just being courteous.

On the other hand, a small pet peeve of mine is that some women seem too used to being first that they'd walk to the door first even if other people (including other women) are nearer the door.


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## Wartime Consigliere (Feb 8, 2011)

Honestly though, who are these men who feel they're proving their masculinity by opening doors?? I'd love to meet someone who took opening doors for themselves that seriously.


Also: inb4 the 'it can be patronizing/condescending to do to disabled people and expecting them to appreciate it' argument. Not relevant to sexism, so let's just not even go there.


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## Tezcatlipoca (Jun 6, 2014)

Bipedal P 314 said:


> I always thought that one person holding a door open for another was a courtesy regardless of gender. I get irritated if people don't observe this courtesy.


It's like that jerk that sees you walking to the elevator and doesn't hold the door.


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## Notus Asphodelus (Jan 20, 2015)

This is one of the things people do where I'm from : Open the door very wide that it would take quite awhile for it to shut itself. Pass through it and don't bother to close the door behind you. Pretend that you are occupied with something while the person passes through the door. When he or she is gone, close the door.


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## He's a Superhero! (May 1, 2013)

Optimist Mind said:


> Honestly though, who are these men who feel they're proving their masculinity by opening doors?? I'd love to meet someone who took opening doors for themselves that seriously.
> 
> 
> Also: inb4 the 'it can be patronizing/condescending to do to disabled people and expecting them to appreciate it' argument. Not relevant to sexism, so let's just not even go there.


Sadly I've met some like that before...You gotta feels sorry for them.

If someone needs the door held open because they are disabled there is no shame in that. I get it that they want to be independent, but if they need it done then they need it donne.


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## Mirkwood (Jul 16, 2014)

Lol, id say that those who have a problem with having the door held for them, has a "problem" in the first place.

Atleast where i come from, it is very ordinary to hold the door for someone when for example entering an shop, so that you dont smack it in the other persons face.

Ofcourse tho we should open it ourselves aswell.. Its like... if you walked thru life and all doors magically just seemed to open, then you might feel mighty?, king?, but maybe not so good either?, or unable to when you haft to ?. for some reason i come to think of narcissism.


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## Angelic Gardevoir (Oct 7, 2010)

He's a Superhero! said:


> Just a thought...wouldn't that be more sexist towards men?





Optimist Mind said:


> That's how I'm first inclined to look at it... but that's probably because I relate more to the view that it's a polite gesture of helping to make someone's day easier. I can't relate to the people who get grumpy over this sort of thing.


I think the idea behind door holding only for women being sexist is the implication that women are helpless and can't do things for themselves. It's "positive" sexism that can be a bit condescending. 

Still, I honestly don't care just as long as it's applied equally to everyone. I don't like just letting the door shut in someone's face.  And even if a man is doing it just because I'm a woman, I still appreciate the help and the only thing that would bug me is that they weren't actually doing it out of consideration for me as a person. A lecture on it would be a waste of time for me, though. I'm not that confrontational and society changes in increments so yeah. >_<;;


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## Bunny (Jul 11, 2015)

Is it wrong that I now want to open doors for men because of this thread?


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## mikki104 (Apr 7, 2012)

The harmful psychological effect is not coming from the door-holding itself, it's coming from gender stereotypes and insecurity.

Therefore, hold doors for men. It will only lower their self-esteem in the short term. In the long-term, once universal door-holding becomes the cultural norm, it would no longer have a harmful psychological effect and we can all live happily in non gender-discriminating harmony!! :laughing::carrot::crazy:enguin:


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Frankly I just think its courtesy all the way around to do that in gesture if its the way it works based on who reaches where first and who has what going on. 

I must say I get so fricken annoyed when I am on a date with a guy that is insistent on it like to a ritualistic level where it is a bit uh patronizing. I do appreciate nice gestures, and manners. But seriously come on I dont need to walk slower on purpose so you can beat me to a door that I could open myself. If it works out for someone to do it great but there is nothing more annoying then a pissy date upset because I dont doddle so they can beat me to a door. Oh lordy ya want me to twirl my hair while your at it. Again great if it works out, but wtf with the ritualistic crowd hung up on it. Its a custom that if I am not mistaken originated because women had giant puffy dresses and couldnt move as easily and get their dress stuck in the car or door without assistance, right?

And my gosh why do I have to walk extra slow and doddle to a doorway so someone can beat me there and open the thing. And why would they be offended that I can walk faster and pull a handle outward and hold a door open? WTH?


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## shameless (Apr 21, 2014)

Wytch said:


> Is it wrong that I now want to open doors for men because of this thread?


Fist Bump to that! We should conduct more of a social experiment out of this! And then report back on how many men we were able to determine had very fragile egos.


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## Bugs (May 13, 2014)

All we have to do is create machines/robots to hold open doors for everyone and problem solved. Next.


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## Bunny (Jul 11, 2015)

Cinnamon83 said:


> Fist Bump to that! We should conduct more of a social experiment out of this! And then report back on how many men we were able to determine had very fragile egos.


This is an excellent idea.


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