# Poll: T vs. F theory?



## possiBri (Jan 4, 2011)

IonOfAeons said:


> I have pondered whether sx types tend to find it harder because they are most likely to invest in an intense relationship with their partner, so when that person suddenly disappears they feel like they're being starved of passion.
> 
> When I start a relationship with someone I am usually pretty high on the passion and promise for emotional journeys that might be. If I realise that's not going to happen very early on then the person is unlikely to devastate me by breaking up with me, but if we end up dedicated towards each other because we want to fill what has felt like has been missing from each other's lives then it can feel like the world disappeared and left me floating back in space again when it ends.


Oh god how I can relate....


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## DeductiveReasoner (Feb 25, 2011)

I voted that it's easy for me to leave.

That being said, I'm young and haven't been in any super-serious relationships.


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## Souljorn (Dec 28, 2010)

I think we all look back at times but when I decide to leave I have internally decide that it's the best and I'll do it after I'm certain it's the best thing and not really think about it anymore. I do look back at it now that it's been a while but it's bc i lost a good friend not just a lover but at the end of the day i was miserable around her and even though i have impulses to approach her I've moved on. It'd be unfair for both of us to go back to it.


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## Snow (Oct 19, 2010)

The correlation between T and F versus the ease of breaking up isn't going to be very accurate. Speaking strictly from MBTI (not enneagram or instinctual variants), a more accurate idea will probably be seen from identifying the levels of either Fi and Fe, possibly even coupled with Ni/Ne (the "what if" variables). Because these vary from person to person (not from type to type), differing levels of reactions will occur.

Because the process of breaking up can be more than "just any other" emotional situation, I think it is a good control question. So maybe "Development of Fi or Fe and Response to Separation" would be easier to examine.

I have only broken up with 2 others, one definitely a long term relationship (6 years of marriage), which ended up a relatively peaceful divorce. Still, it took me several months after the physical separation (not the actual divorce, which happened later) to "get over it," even though logically I knew I was not at fault for the overall situation.

Next I entered into a rebound relationship, which lasted a year but probably shouldn't have lasted more than a few dates to be honest (not that I didn't learn from the relationship, but the value to me was a lot less than I think the value to her was). Even after it ended (which was quite a bit more messy than the divorce, believe it or not) and even though she potentially did more damage to my life than my ex wife did, I had the same issues subconsciously believing (and thus occasionally consciously questioning) whether or not I should have done something differently, or given her more money, time, or resources to help her situation.

My thoughts on this matter include my poorly developed Fe and Fi, while having very high Ne and Ni--leading to uncertainty and immature Fe/Fi reactions coupled with a lot of advanced intuitive questioning.

I am mostly an INTP, having taken a tests about a dozen times in the last year which all order my functions similarly. I just took another, here are 3 results over the last month on timeless' cognitive function quiz.

Introverted Thinking (Ti) ||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 12.84
Introverted Intuition (Ni) |||||||||||||||||||| 9.18
Extroverted Thinking (Te) ||||||||||||||||||| 8.62
Extroverted Intuition (Ne) |||||||||||||||||| 8.11
Introverted Sensation (Si) || 0.24
Introverted Feeling (Fi) || -0.29
Extroverted Feeling (Fe) || -2.25
Extroverted Sensation (Se) ||| -2.52

Introverted Thinking (Ti) ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 13.61
Introverted Intuition (Ni) ||||||||||||||||||||||||| 11.8
Extroverted Intuition (Ne) |||||||||||||||||||| 9.42
Extroverted Thinking (Te) ||||||||||||||||| 7.7
Introverted Feeling (Fi) ||||||||| 3.71
Introverted Sensation (Si) ||||| 1.77
Extroverted Sensation (Se) || -0.43
Extroverted Feeling (Fe) || -1.48

Introverted Thinking (Ti) ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 13.84
Introverted Intuition (Ni) ||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 12.72
Extroverted Thinking (Te) ||||||||||||||||||||| 9.85
Extroverted Intuition (Ne) ||||||||||||||||| 7.92
Extroverted Feeling (Fe) || -1.48
Introverted Feeling (Fi) || -1.52
Extroverted Sensation (Se) || -2.43
Introverted Sensation (Si) || -2.46

and the first four all being highly developed, while the last four being very poorly developed except one day when I was probably in a different setting than I am now; I scored much higher on my Fi and at least positive on my Si.

As for Enneagram, I relate mostly to 5w4 and am sx/sp/so.


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## firedell (Aug 5, 2009)

I don't believe no one looks back on any of their previous relationships. I really cannot imagine it.


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## vellocent (Dec 18, 2010)

This survey explains so much to me.


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

Revenant said:


> Because the process of breaking up can be more than "just any other" emotional situation, I think it is a good control question. So maybe "Development of Fi or Fe and Response to Separation" would be easier to examine.


That's a good point.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

How unsurprising these statistics are....lol.

It depends on the nature of the relationship and/or how much I liked or loved the person, too. I'm gonna be really hung up maybe why it didn't work with someone I really liked, or definitely on a long term relationship I'm going to have to process it.

Other times it's like ...oh well, I didn't like them that much. OR it was just time to move on and it seems natural that things should end at that point for whatever reason. But even when things end at their natural point I'm probably still going to get temporarily upset before I am happy to be free. 

I can be a total freakazoid be absolutely furious, like the epitome of "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"...or not be mad, but be more sad, and simply have to reflect on everything that happened, why it happened, and what I learned from it.

Other times it's very easy. Like I really liked this ENTJ but I knew on like the third day after I met him that he would go back to his country within a couple of months, and also he was kind of young for me to think of anything long-term, so I was surprisingly cool with the fact that it would be over...and I have no bad memories of him at all, and sometimes I think that's because it was clear from the beginning of what it was and he was always nice to me and we weren't even around each other for a long enough time to fight about anything. 

Then there are the times where it's just bittersweet but obviously for the best, and I want to move on, and I know they do and it's all like:







I guess I always think about the people I've been with, though, even if there's no bad feelings or regrets. I don't just "drop" people usually, that's rare, but I am capable of moving on with my life, that's for sure.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

sanari said:


> I just went through a divorce. [He was abusive.]
> 
> As I drove north to my family [10 hour drive] I literally forgot his importance. I cried to get it out of my system, and that was it. I was done with him.
> 
> ...


You got over a DIVORCE in ONE NIGHT?

*avoids INTJs*


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

sanari said:


> Sometimes I do not like being this way - sometimes I wish I could understand how others feel. I wish I would find that one relationship that I would not be able to separate from. *But once a relationship is over - I "bandaid" so that my emotions are not messy.*


Ohhhh...wait...now I see! 

You're repressed and emotionally crippled.

That's why you "can't remember."

Creepy. That's not healthy. Maybe INTJs aren't all like this (but I wouldn't put it past many of them).

I'm not just judging you for being a different type, either. Being truly rational about your feelings, you would still be able to remember, it wouldn't be like a black-out bandaid. If you repress your feelings that much you could just like...snap...one day. Or they'll come out in weird ways at inappropriate times.


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## jessmk7 (Oct 12, 2010)

fourtines said:


> How unsurprising these statistics are....lol.
> 
> It depends on the nature of the relationship and/or how much I liked or loved the person, too. I'm gonna be really hung up maybe why it didn't work with someone I really liked, or definitely on a long term relationship I'm going to have to process it.
> 
> ...


Lol this is so funny to me too.... Im 26 and I've only been in two relationships before my current one. One 2-3 years, the other 1.5 years. I'm real weary of relationships. They have to be real, like I could see a possible future with them, or I don't go into it. 

But I do get all of what you're saying.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

jessmk7 said:


> Lol this is so funny to me too.... Im 26 and I've only been in two relationships before my current one. One 2-3 years, the other 1.5 years. I'm real weary of relationships. They have to be real, like I could see a possible future with them, or I don't go into it.
> 
> But I do get all of what you're saying.


Well I am in my early 30's so have had more time...plus I was more than happy to date boys by the age of 13 or so...I am kind of impulsive, I suppose, especially when I was younger. 

I can be alone, and have spent significant time (well, significant to me!) being single, but I don't especially like being without a crush or a date or a love interest for too long, to be perfectly honest with you. Something ends, I must go replace...not necessarily always quickly, though. When I got out of my longest relationship (6 years) I actually didn't date or like anyone else at all for like 7-8 months. 

I once went for two years without having sex. That was like a serious accomplishment for me. Also, though, it made me borderline homicidal. No bueno.


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## Thalassa (Jun 10, 2010)

jessmk7 said:


> Lol this is so funny to me too.... Im 26 and I've only been in two relationships before my current one. One 2-3 years, the other 1.5 years. I'm real weary of relationships. They have to be real, like I could see a possible future with them, or I don't go into it.
> 
> But I do get all of what you're saying.


Also, I use the term "relationship" loosely...probably more loosely than you do.


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## lib (Sep 18, 2010)

T - easy
I've only had two relationships that were more than sex and company - an ISTJ and an IXFP - which in both cases they broke up. I don't believe in the "Let's just be friends" idea but prefer a clear break which were facilitated by geography... Singapore and Uruguay.


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## Neon Knight (Aug 11, 2010)

I'm on board with the idea of variants being a major factor, I'm also 7 sx-sp and I agree strongly with a lot of what @fourtinesm , @IonOfAeons , @possiBri and @jessmk7 have said here.


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## Utensils (Nov 5, 2011)

If I lose a relationship that really means something to me (which is almost all, as I get very close to people very quickly), then I will keep scrabbling endlessly to keep it going even months after it had dried up completely. I find it incredibly hard to let go on any friendship/relationship, and even now I look back constantly to relationships that have died a long time before now and really work myself up about them...

Oh the joys of being an ENFP...


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## greenfairy026 (Apr 23, 2012)

For some reason I'm extremely detached with relationships. My feelings are adaptable depending on the situation and how good of an investment it would be. If someone isn't good for me or if they are not nice to me, I feel nothing. I feel insulted if someone is disrespectful or doesn't want me as much as I want them, and that just makes me mad, or I have no reason to attach if it's not reciprocated. Also I'm good at assessing our compatibility early on, and I form attachments accordingly. If I know it's not going to work out long term I don't get too attached.

However, I do care about my friends a lot, and people who I am involved with sexually or romantically I would definitely count as friends. This part doesn't change if we break up; I just kind of forget about them if they are not my friends anymore. If I become good friends with someone I will always care about them. 

As far as leaving relationships goes, my last boyfriend (an ENTJ) and I broke up because he was moving to Taiwan. I knew I wanted to find someone to have kids with eventually, but we agreed if we were both still single and in the same place in the future we would probably get back together. When he left I cried uncontrollably for a day or 2 and skipped school the first day. It felt really new and different to let myself cry over something that was just part of life and not something I deemed inappropriate. I visualized us being happy in separate places, gradually disconnecting our heart strings. After a few days I felt totally fine. I was really jealous when he got a girlfriend, but not with the second one (partly because I had a guy). I still miss him and part of me still feels like he is mine, but I don't wish things were different. This is a really good situation for both of us. Changes are good. I want him to be happy, and I'm happy with other people. I have to admit if I visit him and I haven't found someone I'm serious about yet, and he is still with his girlfriend I will probably be jealous, and when I am physically close to him I'll probably reestablish the connections. It'll be hard to just be friends. But that's what I'll have to do. I never really know what my feelings are going to do until I'm in the situation. But logic always wins eventually, and I'm always focused on and happy with the person I'm with.


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