# Distinguishing INFx males



## Pelopra (May 21, 2013)

I feel pretty competent at telling INFx girls apart. 
INFPs have an almost floating quality to them, they're always kinda... softish/gentleish... and then really stubborn on the inside. When very, very smart it's still somehow always expressed more like cloud than like knife blade. A haze of intelligence rather than an edge.
INFJs have this very intense nervous energy around them, pretty much always, there's almost like a slightly more neurotic quality to them, and they have a strong intellectual side (can make them seem more opinionated than INFPs, although it's in a very different way).

However, these same traits do not seem to apply to the INF men I know. The three INFP males I know well show tremendous variation between them so that I can't really identify any common expression of INFPness they all obviously share (ie they each manifest it in wildly different ways although the typing has been fairly reasonably confirmed), and I have no clue where to begin typing the INFx guy I met recently because he seems to show symptoms of all four relevant cognitive functions (ie-- Ne Ni Fe Fi)

So--
how does one tell INFJ and INFP men apart?


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## morpheusx66 (Sep 3, 2013)

I think that is more likely the chameleon-like personality of some introverts rather than a specifically male/female thing. We live firstly in our heads so our external, visceral personality might be a bit of a facade we're forced into if uncomfortable in the situation. A balanced, self-secure INFP will have the genle, detached, sage like quality but I have also seen many INFPs who have neurotic personalities because they try too hard to "fit in". At least INFJs have Fe as their secondary function, INFPs have to go through a triple layer of Fi+Ne+Si before reaching some semblance of living in the normal world.

So, short answer...you can't. There are too many variables to consider that go beyond MBTI.


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## Pelopra (May 21, 2013)

morpheusx66 said:


> I think that is more likely the chameleon-like personality of some introverts rather than a specifically male/female thing. We live firstly in our heads so our external, visceral personality might be a bit of a facade we're forced into if uncomfortable in the situation. A balanced, self-secure INFP will have the genle, detached, sage like quality but I have also seen many INFPs who have neurotic personalities because they try too hard to "fit in". At least INFJs have Fe as their secondary function, INFPs have to go through a triple layer of Fi+Ne+Si before reaching some semblance of living in the normal world.
> 
> So, short answer...you can't. There are too many variables to consider that go beyond MBTI.



are there at least symptoms i can keep an eye out for?
(sage-like might actually be consistent across the board for all the infp males i know well. gentle and detached somewhat less so.)


and what about infj guys, what are they like?

(it seems to me that with males the F signs can be muted/tamped down a bit... i'm curious if there's a way even so to reliably tell apart Fe from Fi?)


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

Pelopra said:


> are there at least symptoms i can keep an eye out for?
> (sage-like might actually be consistent across the board for all the infp males i know well. gentle and detached somewhat less so.)
> 
> 
> ...


INFJ is probably more likely pass as an extrovert than INFP. I think Fe is more accommodating, and big picture oriented. I also think Ni doms tend to be uptight, because we like to enclose things. We don't let problems hang. We like to figure something out, be done with it, and move on to something else. We like order and structure more. Routine. We are more no nonsense, and probably more uptight and less spontaneous than INFP. More cautious.


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## morpheusx66 (Sep 3, 2013)

Pelopra said:


> are there at least symptoms i can keep an eye out for?
> (sage-like might actually be consistent across the board for all the infp males i know well. gentle and detached somewhat less so.)
> 
> 
> ...


I think the main thing in noticing the difference by their personality is Fi vs. Fe.

-INFPs will generally seem more aloof and a bit caught up in the haze of their own ideas...and even a bit self absorbed sometimes but not really on purpose. Their values are very much connected to Humanity and deeply cognizant personal feeling and other viewpoints. They are usually good listeners, though, and usually try to console people with alternative ways of looking at a situation. They are very non-confrontational and avoid conflict.

-INFJs are a bit more one-on-one personal and actively willing to help you with your problems in a much more involved and decisive way. Their values can seem a bit more set in stone and they expect others to acknowledge them. They are often said to hold virtues higher than all else.


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## Doom (Oct 25, 2010)

I think your description of INFJ females can apply to males to some extent but perhaps males are more reserved about it because of gender roles? The Ni stare is still there similar to the INTJs kind of stoic where as INFPs have more of a glare about them and avoid eye contact more.


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## juilorain (Oct 29, 2013)

oh the Ni glare.....so strange and mysterious.

But the biggest way to tell the difference between the INFP and INFJ is that stare. Are they staring at you like a judgement or like a soul-piercing communication? The INFP, ime, would hold back back unless you crossed his or her major values, then you get the death glare. For the INFJs, they'll do the Ni stare, and feel like they're piercing into your being, but if you notice it, they will retract, or become really cautious (Fe holding Ni back). However, if you are comfortable with said INFJ, that stare is magical and can last indefinitely.

Fi users will stare and make sure you know they are staring at you, judging you from their value set: hence Fi. Fi is a judging function and requires constant value judgements based on personal, subjective, and solid rules, while Fe is keen to the emotions and emotional atmosphere of others and the surrounding area, changing rules to be polite and kind. Fe tempers the Ni into making making the INFJ cautious about the Ni stare becuase it might make the person feel uneasy, which the s/he would abhor to do. The INFP doesn't mind sharing judgements while Fe does. An INFJ would tell you his or her morals, but they are very general and wise, while those given by the INFP are more concrete. (Hence the difference with Fe and Fi).

Just like when you see an INTJ and INTP interact, also if you have an INFJ and INFP together, the J would criticize the INFP's value judgements are too strong, and the INFP would argue that the INFJ is too busy caught up in the temporary and superficial Fe-heavy environment.


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## spiderfrommars (Feb 22, 2012)

Pelopra said:


> INFJs have this very intense nervous energy around them, pretty much always, there's almost like a slightly more neurotic quality to them



We do?!

I'd think that Fe would make a person seem laid-back. I guess I'm a pretty dramatic, excitable person, and somebody could mistake that for "nervousness." I'm barely ever "nervous."


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## Magnesium (Jan 7, 2014)

If you're going for a job interview with an INFJ, don't be late.
If you're going for a job interview with an INFP, they'll probably be late.


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## Pelopra (May 21, 2013)

spiderfrommars said:


> We do?!
> 
> I'd think that Fe would make a person seem laid-back. I guess I'm a pretty dramatic, excitable person, and somebody could mistake that for "nervousness." I'm barely ever "nervous."


nervous energy isn't quite the same thing as being nervous. it's more the emotional projection of the person has a frenetic quality to it. like, imagine physically: a person sitting down, then immediately standing up, running to the counter, stopping themselves, sitting down again, tapping their fingers impatiently for a moment and then standing up again-- and then take that physical image but translate it into a non-physical quality instead. A cadence of speaking or a pace of interaction.


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## Van Meter (Sep 28, 2012)

Your description of Infj applies to me as a male. I am very nervous, and it draws attention on an instinctual level from others. People can sense nervousness almost before seeing you. I'm not always like that though, other times I can be very relaxed and uncaring, Ti-Se is part of that sometimes. My environment is a consistent determining factor on whether I'm comfortable or not. I've also had some pretty f-d up things happen in my life, and that probably contributes in some way.


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## spiderfrommars (Feb 22, 2012)

Pelopra said:


> nervous energy isn't quite the same thing as being nervous. it's more the emotional projection of the person has a frenetic quality to it. like, imagine physically: a person sitting down, then immediately standing up, running to the counter, stopping themselves, sitting down again, tapping their fingers impatiently for a moment and then standing up again-- and then take that physical image but translate it into a non-physical quality instead. A cadence of speaking or a pace of interaction.


Ah. That I'm pretty sure I do. I rapidly change topics of conversation, mood, etc. So I see what you mean now. Didn't know this was a INFJ thing, interesting.

So INFJ males don't do this?


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## ZZ10 (Feb 20, 2014)

Magnesium said:


> If you're going for a job interview with an INFJ, don't be late.
> If you're going for a job interview with an INFP, they'll probably be late.


Might seem true in terms of J vs. P but this kind of a statement even hold at all in terms of coginitive functions?


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## spiderfrommars (Feb 22, 2012)

ZZ10 said:


> Might seem true in terms of J vs. P but this kind of a statement even hold at all in terms of coginitive functions?


Umm, a INFJ might take extra care not to be late in order to not upset the other person? Because Fe might drive them to make others comfortable and therefore be considerate? Depending on the INFJ?

...but pretty much, no. I have big issues with lateness.

Actually, I have two INFP friends who, like me, find punctuality difficult. They both obsess about it, constantly have an eye on the clock, set schedules for homework, and get places at least 15 minutes early. I try to be places on time--like I said, I don't want to inconvenience people--but I don't stress out about it, and it doesn't run my life. This might be because of the Te inferior in INFPs. It makes them value punctuality more, makes them more stressed by it because it's an inferior, and just makes them more capable of doing it if they choose.

So, my anecdata says no.


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## LadyO.W.BernieBro (Sep 4, 2010)

l've noticed that energy with some INFJs too.

l'd say all the NJs have a greater chance of being limbic on the Big 5 scale (greater than NP's, probably much less likely than SJs). l've seen stats to support that, but INFJ's are split between calm and limbic pretty evenly.

The way that it manifests in men does seem to be a little different, if not only because they suppress it. 

l like male INFPs :blushed:

lt is my personal _opinion_ that _some_ male INFJs _seem_ a little more influenced by the male gender role, while many male INFPs have that oblivious disregard l go for.


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## FearAndTrembling (Jun 5, 2013)

After reading your description, it sounds pretty spot on for males too. I would consider myself neurotic and nervous. I pace a lot. I stand whenever I can. I have people tell me I am making THEM nervous. I walk fast, I talk fast, I do everything fast.. Always in a rush. And I agree with the precision of the intellect. 

Again, we like to streamline and unite things. I approach a problem at its boundaries and slowly work back. First thing I do is stake out the boundaries, see where this problem ends and another begins. Stake that boundary, and then slowly collapse the borders around it till it gets smaller and smaller, and is finally crushed.


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## Wellsy (Oct 24, 2011)

spiderfrommars said:


> * *
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree with this, I like to be on time as being late is a bother because gets you too much unwanted and sometimes negative attention. If things have already started you need to catch up, just a pain so I do tend to be pretty set on being on time for things so much that i'll limit my attention to other things as to keep up with the minutes. Sometimes not doing anything and preferring to wait for 30 minutes doing nothing just so I know I won't lose track of time.

As for identifying men of the type...tickle their belly buttons?
Not sure if it's something you can notice but I tend to remember one person making the point that INFJs only reveal complete ideas and opinions. Nothing working internally is revealed until they're quite sure of the idea where as INFPs were said to perhaps seem more fickle with their values and ideas because they will want to share things they're unsure about.
I'm not sure how true this is but I do know one of my favourite things to do to people is ask questions about random ideas I've had to get their perspective and try and come to a more solid conclusion than what I previously held, even if they're kind of used as a sound board it helps a lot for me to settle on things.


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## TigerFella (Dec 12, 2013)

Pelopra said:


> nervous energy isn't quite the same thing as being nervous. it's more the emotional projection of the person has a frenetic quality to it. like, imagine physically: a person sitting down, then immediately standing up, running to the counter, stopping themselves, sitting down again, tapping their fingers impatiently for a moment and then standing up again-- and then take that physical image but translate it into a non-physical quality instead. A cadence of speaking or a pace of interaction.


They are just bored and don't know what to do.
Or unsettled in a new environment.


J vs. P on my perspective can be observed by looking at decision process. P's give everything 'a longer shot' and gather more info and they decide later.
J's are simply, I don't like this, lets go somewhere else, do something else in an instant.

But that's just my bias.


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## Pelopra (May 21, 2013)

TigerFella said:


> They are just bored and don't know what to do.
> Or unsettled in a new environment.
> 
> 
> ...


i've had this with infjs when they were settled in a familiar environment, interested, and at least relatively at ease (ie, i was the only other person present and we've known each other for years...). So it is not just caused by the situation. and, again, it isn't really nervousness it's just a kind of energy. 

My own personal tentative theory is it's something to do with being Ni-lead (because I've seen something sorta similar in INTJs) but exacerbated by Fe. I have no idea why Ni would cause this but then again i'm also not doing a good job describing it, I just can recognize it when I see it.


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## TigerFella (Dec 12, 2013)

Pelopra said:


> i've had this with infjs when they were settled in a familiar environment, interested, and at least relatively at ease (ie, i was the only other person present and we've known each other for years...). So it is not just caused by the situation. and, again, it isn't really nervousness it's just a kind of energy.
> 
> My own personal tentative theory is it's something to do with being Ni-lead (because I've seen something sorta similar in INTJs) but exacerbated by Fe. I have no idea why Ni would cause this but then again i'm also not doing a good job describing it, I just can recognize it when I see it.


Ok, what about a different word: Restlessness ? Like having to move, trapped between two worlds ?


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