# Hurt Fi versus hurt Fe?



## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

As stated in the title, I'd be interested in knowing the difference, the way it feels as well as the way it looks to outsiders.

Why do they get hurt? Do Thinkers get hurt just as easily as Feelers, so does the positioning of the Feeling function make a difference in how 'thick-skinned' or 'sensitive' someone is?

How do you think hurt Fi and Fe react? In which circumstances do you think they would feel hurt?


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## slemo (Apr 6, 2015)

The Fi wants to feel genuine, true to herself and her values.
The Fe wants to feel that the groups they belong to are harmonious.

So I would think the Fi would feel hurt if their personality was not accepted. If someone prohibited them from acting genuinely.
The Fe would feel hurt if someone continuously did not respect their efforts to create a good environment. Like if someone purposely showed very little regard for their surroundings.

But in truth, we're all humans. Most people will get upset in unloving environments, regardless of personality.


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## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

slemo said:


> But in truth, we're all humans. Most people will get upset in unloving environments, regardless of personality.


Yes, definitely.

Thank you for your response 
I was curious about the differences, is all. What you said is quite insightful.


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## Vox (Mar 16, 2012)

Ocean Eyes said:


> Why do they get hurt? [...] How do you think hurt Fi and Fe react? In which circumstances do you think they would feel hurt?


Lack of validation/appreciation is the big one for Fe-users, I think, in addition to receiving bad treatment when we don't feel like we've done anything to deserve it. We tend to start feeling like something's wrong with us and can get too wrapped up in trying to find out what that is while grasping at whatever we think will give us the appreciation we seek. The less successful, the more desperate and willing to become what we think others want we get. Fe-users value the external social environment; you can imagine how devastating it can be for one to feel like _they _don't belong there (or anywhere, rather; Fe-users just need at least one community to "latch" onto to be able to find some degree of stability and security. It's when they seem to be rejected _everywhere _when it becomes a really bad problem). 

I can't really say much for Fi-users except what it looks like to me, I guess. In truth, I haven't seen (strong) Fi-users actually get _hurt _that often (I'm also not that close to many). When someone spits on their more closely-held values, the reaction is more like indignation than pain. I imagine Fi-users getting hurt when something manages to completely shatter their perception of self, at which point it just looks like they basically fall apart. Actually pretty similar to Ti; introverted functions tend to be incredibly stubborn and set in their ways (whereas extraverted functions are constantly in flux and adapt easily). Takes a _lot_ to crush the systems they build, but when it happens, everything goes to shit. They have to work very hard for a long time to build it back up again.



> Do Thinkers get hurt just as easily as Feelers, so does the positioning of the Feeling function make a difference in how 'thick-skinned' or 'sensitive' someone is?


Some Thinkers can be quite emotional and sensitive, but you're certainly not going to see Thinkers react similarly to Feelers when they do get hurt. I'm not sure about TJs, but TPs in a sense naturally detach from our emotions (because of Ti). It's not that we don't feel them, but as soon as they pop up, we tend to treat them as another phenomenon in the world that needs to be identified, deconstructed, analyzed, and explained. You can see how this reduces our visceral experience of emotion, sometimes to the point where it does actually disappear. I consider myself a rather emotional person, but I'm still going to appear far less sensitive than most Fs because my inner experience is dominated by Thinking.


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## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

Vox said:


> Lack of validation/appreciation is the big one for Fe-users, I think, in addition to receiving bad treatment when we don't feel like we've done anything to deserve it. We tend to start feeling like something's wrong with us and can get too wrapped up in trying to find out what that is while grasping at whatever we think will give us the appreciation we seek. The less successful, the more desperate and willing to become what we think others want we get. Fe-users value the external social environment; you can imagine how devastating it can be for one to feel like _they _don't belong there (or anywhere, rather; Fe-users just need at least one community to "latch" onto to be able to find some degree of stability and security. It's when they seem to be rejected _everywhere _when it becomes a really bad problem).
> 
> I can't really say much for Fi-users except what it looks like to me, I guess. In truth, I haven't seen (strong) Fi-users actually get _hurt _that often (I'm also not that close to many). When someone spits on their more closely-held values, the reaction is more like indignation than pain. I imagine Fi-users getting hurt when something manages to completely shatter their perception of self, at which point it just looks like they basically fall apart. Actually pretty similar to Ti; introverted functions tend to be incredibly stubborn and set in their ways (whereas extraverted functions are constantly in flux and adapt easily). Takes a _lot_ to crush the systems they build, but when it happens, everything goes to shit. They have to work very hard for a long time to build it back up again.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I can definitely see what you mean when explaining about Fe... Fi still eludes me as well though, but what you say makes sense. I suppose maturity comes into play too with how sensitive a person is.

About how you 'detach' from your emotions, that's so interesting! I've tried to do that a handful of times but it's pretty hard and not something I automatically do. I still do the analysing bit you describe but I do have to calm down a bit before I can think it through rationally... even when I already deduced why I feel a certain way it usually takes a while for the hurt to pass. Unfortunately just knowing why I feel the way I do doesn't get rid of the emotions immediately most of the time.


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## penny lane (Nov 21, 2011)

I think I use Fi but I still question that somewhat. If I don't I really need to get a better understanding of Fi and Fe.I can be deeply hurt,crushed at times. I would interested in what some here who have a better understanding of both have to say.

The main reason I think I am Fi is I decide things base on who I feel about them.I can listen to what others think or feel but I go more on my own judgement.


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## selena87 (Aug 15, 2014)

I think I read something like this:

When angry:
Fe - withdraws and stays silent
Fi - strikes out

When hurt:
Fe - strikes out
Fi - withdraws and stays silent


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## Tetsuo Shima (Nov 24, 2014)

I wonder if there's such thing as hurt Si. My Si is the source of most of my sensitivity, paranoia, and regret. My Fe is nothing but vengeance.


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

Well, I thought Fi users get hurt when they're rejected by people, but it is Fe. Since some years ago, I'm being too sensitive to what people do or say about what I'm doing, and I get hurt easily (or start to think what's wrong). Now, it's confusing


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## penny lane (Nov 21, 2011)

Karla said:


> Well, I thought Fi users get hurt when they're rejected by people, but it is Fe. Since some years ago, I'm being too sensitive to what people do or say about what I'm doing, and I get hurt easily (or start to think what's wrong). Now, it's confusing


Join the club!LOL

I can say if I get angry if I do say anything it's straightforward simple words.Maybe a flash of anger but it's usually over fast enough.

It takes me longer to get over being hurt.


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

penny lane said:


> Join the club!LOL
> 
> I can say if I get angry if I do say anything it's straightforward simple words.Maybe a flash of anger but it's usually over fast enough.
> 
> I takes me longer to get over being hurt.


Now, I'm feeling normal :happy:
I noticed I usually analyse all the time the things that happened, is this Fi too?


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## Amy (Jan 15, 2015)

Sorry, double post :sad:


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## Verity3 (Nov 15, 2014)

Vox said:


> Lack of validation/appreciation is the big one for Fe-users, I think, in addition to receiving bad treatment when we don't feel like we've done anything to deserve it. We tend to start feeling like something's wrong with us and can get too wrapped up in trying to find out what that is while grasping at whatever we think will give us the appreciation we seek. The less successful, the more desperate and willing to become what we think others want we get. Fe-users value the external social environment; you can imagine how devastating it can be for one to feel like _they _don't belong there (or anywhere, rather; Fe-users just need at least one community to "latch" onto to be able to find some degree of stability and security. It's when they seem to be rejected _everywhere _when it becomes a really bad problem).


It sounds to me like because our mindsets process the same stimuli differently, our triggers and responses are different ...but our feelings are probably similar to a large extent. I hope you don't mind if I borrow your description and reword what is different for Fi.



> *Assumption of wrongdoing/slander* is the big one for *Fi-users*, I think, in addition to receiving bad treatment when we don't feel like we've done anything to deserve it. We tend to start feeling like something's wrong with us and can get too wrapped up in trying to find out what that is while grasping at whatever we think will *protect us from the slander we seek to avoid*. The less successful, the more desperate and *unwilling to pretend we're something we're not* we get. *Fi-users* value the *internal moral framework*; you can imagine how devastating it can be for one to feel like *black is white and up is down* (or *anything goes*, rather; *Fi-users* just need at least one *constant* to "latch" onto to be able to find some degree of stability and security. It's when they seem to be *labeled "bad" for doing good* _everywhere _when it becomes a really bad problem).


But that's just how I personally experience it as Fi-Ne; other Fi users might feel differently.



Vox said:


> I can't really say much for Fi-users except what it looks like to me, I guess. In truth, I haven't seen (strong) Fi-users actually get _hurt _that often (I'm also not that close to many). When someone spits on their more closely-held values, the reaction is more like indignation than pain. I imagine Fi-users getting hurt when something manages to completely shatter their perception of self, at which point it just looks like they basically fall apart... introverted functions tend to be incredibly stubborn and set in their ways (whereas extraverted functions are constantly in flux and adapt easily). Takes a _lot_ to crush the systems they build, but when it happens, everything goes to shit. They have to work very hard for a long time to build it back up again.


More from a Fi-dom POV: Our feelings are internal; we're more likely to share our perspectives or experiences with you (Ne or Se), and we appreciate your different perspective/experience more as our aux develops. We tend to understand ourselves rather well, which is why we experience a consistently distorted reflection mirrored back to us as something of a mindscrew. And when Opposite Day is every day, it does become wearying. Misunderstandings are one thing; slander feels like a slap to the face. 

I have heard Fi vs. Fe described as walls of rock vs. streams of water; on the contrary, I see toxic Fi and Fe as rock, vs. healthy Fi and Fe as water. Healthy Feeling is able to change and adapt, and if you throw a stone at a waterfall, it passes right through.


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## penny lane (Nov 21, 2011)

Karla said:


> Now, I'm feeling normal :happy:
> I noticed I usually analyse all the time the things that happened, is this Fi too?


 From what I understand all of the introverted functions do it's just how they do it. That's something else I would like some clarity on. I can tell with certainty I do that as well so we're both looking for answers. 

By the way I love your avatar!


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## Quernus (Dec 8, 2011)

Karla said:


> Well, I thought Fi users get hurt when they're rejected by people, but it is Fe. Since some years ago, I'm being too sensitive to what people do or say about what I'm doing, and I get hurt easily (or start to think what's wrong). Now, it's confusing


Lol. Rejection is painful for everyone, it's a human thing. I think it's the type of/reason for the rejection that might affect Fe or Fi differently. If at all. Hm.


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## Vox (Mar 16, 2012)

Verity3 said:


> It sounds to me like because our mindsets process the same stimuli differently, our triggers and responses are different ...but our feelings are probably similar to a large extent. I hope you don't mind if I borrow your description and reword what is different for Fi.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I don't mind, but reading this felt really weird to me. :laughing: My words yet not my words. 

At first I was a little confused, but thinking of it as a value-focused version of my own primary thinking mode (I mean Ti/Ne here, not Fe) makes it clearer for me.



> I have heard Fi vs. Fe described as walls of rock vs. streams of water; on the contrary, I see toxic Fi and Fe as rock, vs. healthy Fi and Fe as water. Healthy Feeling is able to change and adapt, and if you throw a stone at a waterfall, it passes right through.


On the surface, yes, but I think Ji is still fundamentally more stable than Je. Healthy Ti is the same; since it's constantly building, modifying, and correcting, yes, it is technically willing and able to accept new information and discard old information that has been deemed incorrect/useless, and is in that sense flexible. This doesn't change the fact that it's operating upon a longstanding framework, though. If one of the foundational or otherwise more "buried" elements is shown to be wrong, Ti-users have to do a _lot _of upheaval and reconstruction work (it's happened to me once, as far as I can remember. That was back in the good ol' days when I thought empiricism was the end-all to everything that was important. Ah, science...). I imagine it's the same for Fi-users, if a little less...architectural. Bubbly, optimistic Fi-users becoming jaded and bitter seems to be a somewhat common pattern (one of my classmates in art basically did her project on that; as a freshman, she'd post little anonymous feel-good, positive notes around campus, and this year she was posting really passive-aggressive, highly political statements instead. It wasn't deliberate in the sense that she planned on that happening - both were true reflections of her thoughts and feelings at the time). I admit it's interesting (albeit a little frightening) to watch, though it does make me sad to see it happen.



> We tend to understand ourselves rather well, which is why we experience a consistently distorted reflection mirrored back to us as something of a mindscrew. And when Opposite Day is every day, it does become wearying. Misunderstandings are one thing; slander feels like a slap to the face.


Oh, I kind of feel this way too. I started to find out people have a _really_ different perception of me than I thought they did a few years ago. So I completely separated my own perception of self from others' perception of myself and have had them exist as two things in my head and have been filling the latter category over time. I got some interesting and fairly useful information, and a lot of it helped me build up my self-esteem back when it was in the tank. I'm still slightly perplexed by some of it, though. But curiousities and puzzles are just that.

I guess, in a sense, I'm less attached to my identity. I mean, in another sense not really - I am strongly concerned about what constitutes _me _and who I am, but it's more of an intellectual attachment than anything. If someone slandered me, I'd be more likely to ask them to justify their statement than be significantly hurt by it. Though, if enough people think the same thing, then it _does _become troubling to me, even if I can't understand why they think that. I suppose that's when Fe comes into the picture.

EDIT:


Ocean Eyes said:


> About how you 'detach' from your emotions, that's so interesting! I've tried to do that a handful of times but it's pretty hard and not something I automatically do. I still do the analysing bit you describe but I do have to calm down a bit before I can think it through rationally... even when I already deduced why I feel a certain way it usually takes a while for the hurt to pass. Unfortunately just knowing why I feel the way I do doesn't get rid of the emotions immediately most of the time.


The disappearing emotion bit that I mentioned doesn't happen very often, especially not recently. It was a more frequent phenomenon when I was younger; things are usually too heavy/complicated now for me to be able to think my feelings away. :/ But I do have a sort of mental library of the different emotions I experience, how best to deal with each one, and approximately how long they'll last, so any emotion that I can't channel into creative activities (because that's hands-down the best method for me when available) just gets whatever treatment I've got listed in that library; then it's just waiting for it to pass, like a cold. Rather mechanized.


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## Courtalort (Jun 29, 2013)

From my understanding, a Fi user will feel the need to hide their pain and a Fe user will feel the need to discuss it. 
Both can feel rejected, both can feel unloved, but the 'why' is different. Fe users need more validation from people, they need to not feel alone. Fi users still need love, but they need to be themselves more, and they need to be loved for who they are. 

Fi is going to be more blunt when upset, Fe will be honest, but not blunt.


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## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

Karla said:


> Well, I thought Fi users get hurt when they're rejected by people, but it is Fe. Since some years ago, I'm being too sensitive to what people do or say about what I'm doing, and I get hurt easily (or start to think what's wrong). Now, it's confusing


This in addition to what @Quernus is saying (sorry, I haven't figured out yet how to quote from different posts), yes everyone does get hurt by rejection. Maybe it depends on what kind of rejection it is, the reason for it like Quernus said.

I can try and contrast my sister, an ESFP also, and my reaction/perception of rejection...my sister is an absolute master at keeping her true emotions secret. It's insane. You have to know her extremely well (most of her close friends don't even get to see them very often and often it can be very difficult for family as well). I'm unsure how often she's experienced rejection, but with hurt (depending on the situation), she either hides it completely and breaks down later to my mother or lashes out in extreme cases, usually taking the form of mood swings. She's very much the epitome of bottling things up though, most of the time. With rejection, when she considers that to be the only possible outcome, she will usually simply not even try to get herself into that situation. She's extremely stubborn too, so it's very difficult to convince her of something if she's sure of it.

I'm sorry, that's how it looks like from my perspective...I don't use Fi and we're all individuals even when we share types, so this might not resonate with you at all.

About how I deal with rejection...hmm, I am afraid of it (like everyone lol) and that's what stops me from trying. The fear of feeling the pain of rejection, kind of like a punch to the stomach or like a fist clenching my heart or a combination of both. I can try and keep it in, but it only gets worse. Fresh it feels like it's confined to one area and the longer I keep it in and don't let it out via a medium, like talking or writing about it, the more it spreads. I'm unable to keep strong emotions such as the hurt caused by rejection inside of me for a long time because it feels like it's poisoning me. Unlike my sister, I HAVE to talk about my hurt feelings in order to process and move on. Once it's out, I can feel myself getting back to normal. I'm also unable to hide my emotions as well as she does. If I'm in a really bad mood I accidentally use biting sarcasm before realising I'm being hurtful and over stepped the line.

Edit: I just remembered another thing, the other day I felt hurt because of a statement about something I said was worded in a hurtful way (as perceived by me, but I also admit I'm a sensitive person and am currently working on overcoming this sensitivity). When I asked my sister if I should speak up she said 'Yeah, worst case scenario is they'll say you're dumb.' Just the prospect, the thought of that makes me not want to speak up - because I stupidly care what people think of me, even strangers I have never met (also something I'm trying to do less...) and so it would hurt to be thought of and called that by anyone. Meanwhile, my sister obviously wouldn't have cared in the first place in response to the hurtfully worded comment, possibly because she has a 'My opinion is mine, yours is yours' attitude. I don't know. She simply doesn't seem to care what people think of her unless she's close to them. Sorry, this kind of went off topic.

@Vox, hmm that sounds like a good system. Maybe that's the difference between us? I can't analyse my emotions to the extent that you can, they all feel kind of jumbled up and I just need to suffer through it until I can find someone who won't mind listening. That seems to be the only way I can cope with strong emotion.

And thank you for all the responses! This is all really helpful


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## Dangerose (Sep 30, 2014)

selena87 said:


> I think I read something like this:
> 
> When angry:
> Fe - withdraws and stays silent
> ...


This seems so stereotypical but honestly it really defines my experience with myself and people of both functions.


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## reptilian (Aug 5, 2014)

I think its not about Fi vs Fe.
Its about Fi-Te vs Fe-Ti

The Fi should manifests itself though Te, while Fe is governed by Ti.

Te then shows as logical attack on the other persons beliefs if irritated or angry, while Fe attacks the logic of ones thinking when moral/ethics is being broken.

I keep changing my thinking on this subject, thanks to the people that called me out on misunderstanding the relationship between Fi and Fe. Though I still dont understand the relations as I wish to.

Offtopic: Could Fi be manifested through Fe as a kind of hysteria?


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## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

jkp said:


> I think its not about Fi vs Fe.
> Its about Fi-Te vs Fe-Ti
> 
> The Fi should manifests itself though Te, while Fe is governed by Ti.
> ...


I think you're definitely on to something about the corresponding Thinking functions being involved as well (sorry, I forgot about them when making this thread). But yes, that makes sense and it's definitely something I can see in the people around me and myself.

About your off topic:

How exactly do you mean? How Fi manifests itself through Fe in one person? Or if Fi is viewed by Fe as hysteric or vice versa? Sorry if this sounds dumb, I'd just rather make sure I understand the exact question before thinking about it and veering off in the wrong direction.


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## reptilian (Aug 5, 2014)

Ocean Eyes said:


> How exactly do you mean? How Fi manifests itself through Fe in one person? Or if Fi is viewed by Fe as hysteric or vice versa? Sorry if this sounds dumb, I'd just rather make sure I understand the exact question before thinking about it and veering off in the wrong direction.


It just came up while I was typing. There are lots of topics here from people saying they use both, Fi and Fe. They probably dont understand the theory too well but neither do I. 




> Fi-dominant Types
> • Inner harmony
> • Economy of emotional expression
> • Acceptance of feeling as non-logical
> ...





> Fe-dominant Types
> • Comfortable inattention to logic
> • Sensitivity to others' welfare
> • Sharing of emotions
> ...





> Feeling judgment seems to become increasingly exaggerated and obsessive, reaching a point where it no longer serves a judging purpose but becomes unbridled emotionalism. “*I am 'hysterical*.' I believe that nobody likes me and I am worthless . . . [and] have nothing to contribute to society. Whereas normally I am very happy to be alone, when I am 'not myself' I seek affirmation from everyone. I call all my friends until I feel better,” related an INTP. An ISTP said, “I talk about inner feelings and show emotions. I don't usually do that; I also express criticism toward others—I usually keep it to myself.”


Socionics - the16types.info - MBTI: Form of the Inferior Function

As I said before the idea popped in my mind without a clear line of thought. This "article" might help you figure out if my idea has any real world value.

And I didnt mean hysteria in the most clinical use of word. It was more implied as an emotional extreme response to internal stimuli from anxiety... or something like that.


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## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

jkp said:


> And I didnt mean hysteria in the most clinical use of word. It was more implied as an emotional extreme response to internal stimuli from anxiety... or something like that.


No, no I figured you probably meant just the colloquial meaning 

Hmm, about people being confused with Fe and Fi, there's a few who commented (on this thread specifically) because they weren't sure which one they use. I mean, there are lots of opinions on this site (and elsewhere) which clash in regards to mbti and function theory. It's my opinion that you can't use both Fi and Fe equally well because it's either in the first four main functions you use or it's not.

I'll edit this later once I've read the article.


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## ferroequinologist (Jul 27, 2012)

Ocean Eyes said:


> As stated in the title, I'd be interested in knowing the difference, the way it feels as well as the way it looks to outsiders.
> 
> Why do they get hurt? Do Thinkers get hurt just as easily as Feelers, so does the positioning of the Feeling function make a difference in how 'thick-skinned' or 'sensitive' someone is?
> 
> How do you think hurt Fi and Fe react? In which circumstances do you think they would feel hurt?


For myself. It's attacking my competence that bugs me the most. If you want to "hurt" me, make me feel like I'm incapable of doing something or that I failed at something. But that's my inferior function acting out. Also, when hurt, I will likely lash back with Te, not Fi. Te and Se are my attack functions. Of course, one of the ways I do this is by giving a sharp reply, and leaving the scene. A quick, parting shot, and blip-I'm gone. 

If, on the other hand, you corner me, I may get more vocal and the intensity goes up. Keep in mind a cornered coyote or wild dog or cat. Corner the animal, and it reacts violently--but remember that you were the one that cornered the animal. It is only acting in self defense. Don't do that unless you are willing to suffer the consequences of your own actions--and don't blame the animal that defends itself.


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## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

ferroequinologist said:


> For myself. It's attacking my competence that bugs me the most. If you want to "hurt" me, make me feel like I'm incapable of doing something or that I failed at something. But that's my inferior function acting out. Also, when hurt, I will likely lash back with Te, not Fi. Te and Se are my attack functions. Of course, one of the ways I do this is by giving a sharp reply, and leaving the scene. A quick, parting shot, and blip-I'm gone.


Hmm, yeah this reminds me of my father, also ISFP (I think), when he gets really upset.



ferroequinologist said:


> If, on the other hand, you corner me, I may get more vocal and the intensity goes up. Keep in mind a cornered coyote or wild dog or cat. Corner the animal, and it reacts violently--but remember that you were the one that cornered the animal. It is only acting in self defense. Don't do that unless you are willing to suffer the consequences of your own actions--and don't blame the animal that defends itself.


This is probably true for everyone, I'd guess.


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## WickerDeer (Aug 1, 2012)

When I feel very hurt, I have sort of a flight response. As I feel shocked, I can relax my face to avoid showing the emotions, and have trouble talking about it. I usually try to disappear as well. I personally think I just look serious, and I keep my tone very civil and try to be considerate of others.

However, I am also prone to crying at unexpected times, and can end up crying in public or often at home, though that is usually from something less shocking and more lingering. Not to mention that I have dealt with pain in many other unhealthy ways, which all tend to isolate me from other people. Rarely do I feel comfortable crying in front of someone...though it happens.

Emotional wounds can take a long time to heal. And I often withdraw from people and stop talking as much or reaching out.

One thing I've read on the forums, and I don't know if it's true, is that Fi is associated with taking a long time to recover from loss or hurt, especially in the relationship department.

As far as being quick to lash out when angry, I don't believe that's true. I think hurt and anger go hand in hand. But I don't want to lash out at anyone for anything...usually it's when I see someone is doing someone I *know* to be commonly hurtful that I will become angry. It doesn't require me to examine my feelings because they've already been examined about the issue. 

Anger is a reaction to hurt for me, but a reaction that tells me something must change or be protected. And I've never lashed out physically, and would not lash out against more vulnerable people usually (or creatures). But most of the issues I get angry about, I do so because I consider them to be hurtful. 

From what I hear on the forums, Fe moves on much more quickly while Fi tends to get feelings stuck in it.


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## Glory (Sep 28, 2013)

I tend to lash out a little when someone bothers me or gets too close, I'm very primitive emotionally on that end. I think it only makes sense.. like when cats hiss or dogs growl when they feel threatened or uncomfortable.. only humans can't seem to understand that it means to back off and think there's always some underlying psychological baloney.


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## Schizoid (Jan 31, 2015)

Shouldn't the function depends on the position too? Fe and Fi in different function stacks will have different reactions.

I have tertiary Fi and I usually just internalize all my emotions and let my anger build up slowly and slowly until I couldn't take it anymore and then I explode my emotions months later. People usually end up surprised because they don't know what I'm upset about. My anger tends to build up slowly over time and people usually only see my anger once every few years. As for what makes me upset, it's when people make accusations on my character/integrity and they misinterpret my motivations etc.

I have a friend who is an Fi dom and she tends to react very quickly when it comes to her emotions. If you accidentally offend her, she will immediately lash out by saying something sarcastic and hurtful. 


See the difference between dominant Fi and tertiary Fi? We react in different ways despite both of us being Fi types.


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## Nephilibata (Jan 21, 2015)

Schizoid said:


> Shouldn't the function depends on the position too? Fe and Fi in different function stacks will have different reactions.
> 
> I have tertiary Fi and I usually just internalize all my emotions and let my anger build up slowly and slowly until I couldn't take it anymore and then I explode my emotions months later. People usually end up surprised because they don't know what I'm upset about. My anger tends to build up slowly over time and people usually only see my anger once every few years. As for what makes me upset, it's when people make accusations on my character/integrity and they misinterpret my motivations etc.
> 
> ...


Yeah, that's why I started the thread. It's intriguing to not only know the difference between the Fi and Fe of Feeling types but also Thinkers.
And what you say about what you do with your hurt as well what causes it, that's very insightful and does make sense. Thank you


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## penny lane (Nov 21, 2011)

Ocean Eyes said:


> This in addition to what @_Quernus_ is saying (sorry, I haven't figured out yet how to quote from different posts), yes everyone does get hurt by rejection. Maybe it depends on what kind of rejection it is, the reason for it like Quernus said.
> 
> I can try and contrast my sister, an ESFP also, and my reaction/perception of rejection...my sister is an absolute master at keeping her true emotions secret. It's insane. You have to know her extremely well (most of her close friends don't even get to see them very often and often it can be very difficult for family as well). I'm unsure how often she's experienced rejection, but with hurt (depending on the situation), she either hides it completely and breaks down later to my mother or lashes out in extreme cases, usually taking the form of mood swings. She's very much the epitome of bottling things up though, most of the time. With rejection, when she considers that to be the only possible outcome, she will usually simply not even try to get herself into that situation. She's extremely stubborn too, so it's very difficult to convince her of something if she's sure of it.
> 
> ...


 I think you understand how it is Ocean Eyes. Your sister sounds a lot like my own process with hurt and rejection(are what we see as rejection)maybe a bit of paranoia slips in there too. I hear that one at times. Do I care what others think of me? up to a point but usually someone I'm close to or even someone that matters to in some way not one of my closest but still has some importance to me. I generally will avoid if possible.


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## aendern (Dec 28, 2013)

From my experience:

Hurt Fi wants to close itself off from others. Cold shoulder. Silent treatment. Silently hates you. Fi wants to be alone with its hurt.

Hurt Fe wants you to hurt, too. Vindictive, back-stabbing. Manipulative. Fe wants to share its hurt with others.


If you hurt Fi, you may never even find out about it. You ask Fi what's wrong, Fi will probably say "nothing." They'll just resign to hating you. Fi holds a grudge. They'll write a poem about it or something. Or make some god-awful screamo music.

If you hurt Fe, you'll hear about it. They'll let you know very passive-aggressively. There will be no confusion about whether you hurt Fe or not. You'll know. And you'll be sorry. Fe will tell all of your friends and loved ones how awful you are behind your back. And try to turn everyone you know against you.


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## penny lane (Nov 21, 2011)

Schizoid said:


> Shouldn't the function depends on the position too? Fe and Fi in different function stacks will have different reactions.
> 
> I have tertiary Fi and I usually just internalize all my emotions and let my anger build up slowly and slowly until I couldn't take it anymore and then I explode my emotions months later. People usually end up surprised because they don't know what I'm upset about. My anger tends to build up slowly over time and people usually only see my anger once every few years. As for what makes me upset, it's when people make accusations on my character/integrity and they misinterpret my motivations etc.
> 
> ...


Yes I have to admit even my bottling up doesn't take too long but it's usually private at most I might cry in front of one person(if any) Once or twice I think I did it with more people around.


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## sicksadworlds (May 4, 2015)

When someone hurts me I become extremely quiet and serious towards that person, and I can't stand being near them, I want to avoid them at all costs. It's impossible not to notice that I am upset, since there's a drastic change in my mood, but it's often pretty hard for the other person to know why I am upset because I tend not to express what exactly made me upset in the first place.


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