# Need cover letter input.



## atmh4 (Dec 5, 2019)

I would greatly appreciate if you could help me with my cover letter. Im finding it very difficult to write something that Im happy with. 
Suggested improvements are welcome! 



> COVER LETTER
> 
> I realize you are looking for a candidate with the vision to push beyond customer expectations and the passion to deliver a world class service experience. As a candidate with considerable experience in sales and customer service, I believe I am a good match.*
> 
> ...


Thanks so much!


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## Six (Oct 14, 2019)

This is not good advice but I've used it in every job I've successfully applied for once I started working professionally:

1. Get drunk.
2. Write using the voice of Nikola Tesla in my head from this scene:






Not good advice but it's the only way I've been able to come up with to stop myself self-editing sadly...


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi! Kudos to you for seeking feedback. I think it's got a great format and content to start. I like that you are getting in touch with what your prospective employer is looking for and that you are sharing some of your accomplishments in condensed, easy-to-digest form. On first read, my most pressing concern is that it comes off to me as a bit generic - you sound like a worthwhile sales employee, but beyond that I don't really get any sense of you as an individual, or why you're interested in _this job_ in particular. Some of the wording strikes me as a bit vague/buzzwordy (perhaps you are using this as a master copy, and/or are you using language from the company itself?). I will add some thoughts in color below. 

My two primary suggestions would be to add some more details about what you know about Hudson's goals/values/history and how you would fit well into that (right now it sounds like you would be a good generic salesperson, but why would you fit into _Hudson_, specifically), and to add a few real-life, more specific details (for example something like "I particularly grew in my ability to collect and analyze consumer feedback when I created, sent out, collected, and distributed results from 500 surveys in the last quarter of 2018 for Great Books Company, which taught me the importance of time-specific feedback and increased my confidence in my ability to reach and listen to customers"). It clearly strikes me that you've connected with the fact that they are a "world-class"/"global" company - what is it that is drawing you to that in particular? I think going into that a bit would make for an appealing point, as well. 

_
--- Dear [do your best research to figure out the name of someone who will be reading your letter - if they have an HR department, you could call them and ask for that person's name!],

I realize you are looking for a candidate with the vision to push beyond customer expectations and the passion to deliver a world class service experience.
--- Since you mentioned "world-class" here as a very focal, initial emphasis, I think you need to talk about it in greater depth later. Why does this matter to you? Also, I notice that it seems from this letter that your customer service experience is more "back-end" so to speak - more in terms of delivering good improvement, usability, systemic efficiency - than in frontline contact with customers. If this is true and what you want to convey, great.
As a candidate with considerable experience in sales and customer service, I believe I am a good 
--- Not "good" - you are better than good! "Excellent" is my preference here!
match.*
--- I would add in "for the position of _______" here at the end of your paragraph- presumably your reader will remember what you're applying for, but better to make it abundantly clear regardless. It also is a useful way to re-focus on the reason for this letter so as to prepare your reader for the next paragraph. Also, does the asterisk mean something?

In previous customer service positions, I have dramatically improved marketplace performance by:
--- I appreciate this phrasing, and I think it's a reasonably assertive claim - good, I like that! That said, I unfortunately have experienced that sometimes prospective employees make optimistic claims that later bear out to not have much substance behind them. If you make a claim like this, I think it's best to back it with some solid numbers and concrete details - sales percents, customer counts, increase in amount of performance reviews over time, etc. You don't have to flood it - just a quantitative or qualitative metric or two will establish a more tangible sense of validity. 

• Promoting regular performance reviews and encouraging team members to find and develop improvements.
--- Was there an issue with individuals not doing performance reviews at one of your previous workplaces - was this an initiative that you took on to address the problem? Or is this a best practice that you have adopted and focus on promoting? Also, improvements like what?
• Developing and compiling in-depth reports on competitive products and services to accurately assess performance in the market place.
--- That sounds great! Can I have an example of this? Also, I believe "marketplace" is usually written as one word (disregard this if you know Hudson refers to it using two words).
• Instructing team members on project developments and plans to ensure important information is delivered and understood.
--- What kind of systems did you use? Updates through a computer application, shared calendars, web platform, regular meetings and check-ins in person? All the above? Something else?
• Solving a range of complex and unique problems involved in handling unexpected obstacles.
--- Lol, good point. This speaks for itself! Heads up, if I were interviewing you after reading this, I would definitely ask you for an example when we were talking in person.

I would love to take this next step in my career with Hudson. Your reputation as a world class employer with global opportunities is promising, and I would appreciate the chance to be part of your team. 
--- I would appreciate an additional sentence or two more here about how you think you can be an asset to the work that they do specifically. As an outsider, I don't really even understand what the company you're applying to does, aside from presumably selling something._

I hope this can be of use to you. Please feel welcome to let me know if you have any questions regarding what I've written.


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## atmh4 (Dec 5, 2019)

angelfish said:


> Hi! Kudos to you for seeking feedback. I think it's got a great format and content to start. I like that you are getting in touch with what your prospective employer is looking for and that you are sharing some of your accomplishments in condensed, easy-to-digest form. On first read, my most pressing concern is that it comes off to me as a bit generic - you sound like a worthwhile sales employee, but beyond that I don't really get any sense of you as an individual, or why you're interested in _this job_ in particular. Some of the wording strikes me as a bit vague/buzzwordy (perhaps you are using this as a master copy, and/or are you using language from the company itself?). I will add some thoughts in color below.
> 
> My two primary suggestions would be to add some more details about what you know about Hudson's goals/values/history and how you would fit well into that (right now it sounds like you would be a good generic salesperson, but why would you fit into _Hudson_, specifically), and to add a few real-life, more specific details (for example something like "I particularly grew in my ability to collect and analyze consumer feedback when I created, sent out, collected, and distributed results from 500 surveys in the last quarter of 2018 for Great Books Company, which taught me the importance of time-specific feedback and increased my confidence in my ability to reach and listen to customers"). It clearly strikes me that you've connected with the fact that they are a "world-class"/"global" company - what is it that is drawing you to that in particular? I think going into that a bit would make for an appealing point, as well.
> 
> ...


Thanks so much for your feedback. Do you mind if I rewrite this and get your feedback on that?


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

atmh4 said:


> Thanks so much for your feedback. Do you mind if I rewrite this and get your feedback on that?


Not at all, happy to. Also - I edited, sorry - the new version should be better. Just quote, mention, or PM me whenever you're ready.


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## atmh4 (Dec 5, 2019)

angelfish said:


> Not at all, happy to. Also - I edited, sorry - the new version should be better. Just quote, mention, or PM me whenever you're ready.


Hi again, just another question. 

I have some details, but there is no way of proving it. I have no contact with my previous employer since the company I worked for was taken over by another company about 5 years ago. What do I do in this case?
I only have references for the Data Analytics companies I worked for. Nothing in sales.


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

atmh4 said:


> Hi again, just another question.
> 
> I have some details, but there is no way of proving it. I have no contact with my previous employer since the company I worked for was taken over by another company about 5 years ago. What do I do in this case?
> I only have references for the Data Analytics companies I worked for. Nothing in sales.


If you are sure they are accurate details, I wouldn't worry about having data/sources to back them up. It is theoretically possible a hiring manager could reach out to your old company to verify, but unlikely. The point is more to realistically, specifically illustrate the sort of strengths you brought to your previous jobs.


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## Penny (Mar 24, 2016)

atmh4 said:


> I would greatly appreciate if you could help me with my cover letter. Im finding it very difficult to write something that Im happy with.
> Suggested improvements are welcome!
> 
> 
> ...


i think it sounds great. Only thing I would change is to put it in letter form as opposed to what you have in like bullet-point style.


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## VoicesofSpring (Mar 31, 2019)

atmh4 said:


> *I realize* you are looking for a candidate with the vision to push beyond customer expectations and the passion to deliver a world class service experience. As a candidate with considerable experience in sales and customer service,*I believe *I am a good match.*
> 
> In previous customer service positions, I have* dramatically* improved marketplace performance by:
> 
> ...


I will say outside of some choice of words (bolded), and a lack of adressing the "why" Hudson will gain something hiring you, your cover letter is OK. 


My take on your letter :




> Dear.....
> 
> Your company Hudson(?) is looking for a *[insert detail of the job offer you apply to]*. With a strong X year(s) experience in sales and customer service, I am a good match for this job, having both passion and vision to push beyond customer expectations and to deliver a world class service experience.
> 
> ...


I wish you good success in your job search !


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## Negotiator (Mar 15, 2018)

atmh4 said:


> Hi again, just another question.
> 
> I have some details, but there is no way of proving it. I have no contact with my previous employer since the company I worked for was taken over by another company about 5 years ago. What do I do in this case?
> I only have references for the Data Analytics companies I worked for. Nothing in sales.


Do you have documentation to show you worked there e.g. a contract? If your background is being screened that'll often do. Worst case the firm asks HR and HR has to tell them to let it go. If you're only doing reference checks, those companies should suffice.


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## atmh4 (Dec 5, 2019)

angelfish said:


> If you are sure they are accurate details, I wouldn't worry about having data/sources to back them up. It is theoretically possible a hiring manager could reach out to your old company to verify, but unlikely. The point is more to realistically, specifically illustrate the sort of strengths you brought to your previous jobs.


Hi again. How do these sound as bullet points? 

_Supporting team members that struggled to meet targets and important deadlines by helping them*to identify flaws in personal sales strategies and proposing workable solutions.*

Developed and compiled in-depth reports on competitive products and services by analyzing business KPI’s, brand messaging, user experiences and other valuable data points.*

Ensuring team members are updated on project developments and other important information through staff meetings and web applications company servers.*_

Thanks for your input again!


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## angelfish (Feb 17, 2011)

atmh4 said:


> Hi again. How do these sound as bullet points?
> 
> _Supporting team members that struggled to meet targets and important deadlines by helping them*to identify flaws in personal sales strategies and proposing workable solutions.*
> 
> ...


Yes!!! Those sound excellent. Great additions. They illustrate your strengths and skills!


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