# My parents (mostly my mother) really screwed me up, how do I pickup the pieces?



## See Above (Oct 4, 2011)

Briguy said:


> I am only speaking from personal experience, women tend to like me at first but then find out things about me and leave. Everyone leaves leading to my abandonment issues, the only people who stick around are people I hate. But yes I am focusing on one or two aspects of my life, but to be fair these aspects are receiving that attention because I deal with them everyday.


Briguy, try not to spend so much time worrying about what makes you different and sets you apart. Watch, listen and learn about the things you have in common with other people. We do, all, have _so_ much in common. Everyone is worried, insecure, lonely, frustrated and confused at times. Also, everyone is amused, philosophical, happy and peaceful now and then. Hungry and sleepy, too. Once you get that, let those things bring you together with others. Anytime you start worrying about your different past, FORCE yourself to find one thing in common with someone around you! Train yourself to see these things.

You are very bright, I am sure, but some things take time, nonetheless. Be patient and understanding with yourself. Allow yourself the time. That goes for careers, too. The college has an office to help people learn test taking skills. Use it. The college has a career adviser. Set up a meeting. Doors will open. Just be paying attention when they do.

Good luck with everything.


----------



## tanstaafl28 (Sep 10, 2012)

Briguy said:


> My mother also may have Aspergers syndrome. For what its worth.


*Whose in charge of you now? Start there. *


----------



## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

@Briguy, I feel your pain bro. My own dear mother (may she find a child to adopt that fulfills her requirements) is a lot like that. She's probably got some condition as well, either Asperger's or schizoid personality disorder (sorry aspies to lump you together with schizos, I'm only saying this because my mum is so weird that I can't figure out what exactly she's got). She isn't religious as such, but TV and music are a work of the devil to her as well.
Anyway, you must not fall into the trap of thinking that "nobody likes a home schooled kid" or "everyone thinks home schooled kids are dumb". That might just be your mum trying to impose her personality/ her disorder on you. She's probably stuck in her own world were she is hard done by by everyone and she has tried to inflict this way of thinking on to you. 
But you are still young and you can get out of this trap if you really want to. Are you still in touch with her? If so, it's probably best to break off contact or only visit her for Christmas. This probably sounds cruel, but she's grown up and free to seek professional help for her problems.
Let's think about your degree. Could you use your analytical skills in political science or English? Could you study English linguistics rather than literature? Could you use an English degree to become a science journalist?


----------



## bigtex1989 (Feb 7, 2011)

I have lots of pieces of advice.

1. No one cares. No one cares that you're homeschooled unless you shove it down their throats. No one cares if you're the smartest guy in the room or planet or whatever unless you shove it down their throats. No one cares about IQ tests. It seems to me that you are often "that guy" that tries to one-up everyone. Spoiler alert, no one likes that guy. Be happy for other people's accomplishments. You can't do everything; there is plenty of whatever you want to go around.

2. I would guess people leave because of your insecurities rather than anything specific about you (like you being homeschooled). Yes everyone has deal breakers, but not ONE person I have ever met had the homeschool deal breaker.

3. If you feel bad that you aren't in a STEM field because you think people think those guys are smarter and give them more respect, then stay out of STEM forever. There are lots of smart people in STEM. There are lots of dumb people in STEM. There are lots of average people in STEM. You'll find the same in just about every major. If you really want to be an intellectual masturbater, just skip STEM and go straight to philosophy . If you want to be in STEM because you enjoy the field, then just do it. It is always good advice to pursue true passions.

4. Stop playing the victim. When you play the victim, you give up ALL power to change the situation. "I can't take tests! MY MOM FAILED ME!" How can you get better at taking tests from that statement? Reframe and take ownership. That is the only way to fix problems.

5. Learn from everybody. Once you accept that you are not the smartest guy in the room, you can start to learn from everyone. Examine what other people do well and emulate. Examine what they don't do well and avoid. Examine similarities and build on them. Examine differences and constructively analyze them. To be honest, I used to be obsessed with being the smartest guy in the room because I thought it gave me value and I could use my value to have more fun. I now realize it is much easier to skip the middle man and just have fun.


----------



## Briguy (Nov 20, 2011)

bigtex1989 said:


> I have lots of pieces of advice.
> 
> 1. No one cares. No one cares that you're homeschooled unless you shove it down their throats. No one cares if you're the smartest guy in the room or planet or whatever unless you shove it down their throats. No one cares about IQ tests. It seems to me that you are often "that guy" that tries to one-up everyone. Spoiler alert, no one likes that guy. Be happy for other people's accomplishments. You can't do everything; there is plenty of whatever you want to go around.
> 
> ...


I think you misunderstood some of my points, first of all, I do not walk around talking about my IQ as I agree with most people, IQ test are generally worthless, I only brought it up as an attempt to convey some frame of reference for people who don't know me (people on this forum) to work from. Second, I love all science, technology and I am learning to love math, I never attempted to enter a field just because I felt it would give me some form of approval, the guy I mentioned who was a physicist also thought the universe was 6,000 years old. I enjoy the ancillary benefit of making people like that angry but I am a ENTP after all.


----------



## FlaviaGemina (May 3, 2012)

Could you still study science as a hobby on the side and officially study something else/ get a job just for the moment? It's not like you choose this one career and then you are stuck with it for the rest of your life. Also, ... I don't know about you, but as soon as I _have_ to do something I get bored of it. Maybe you'd get bored of studying science if you had to do homework and tests all the time?
Also, flexibility can be an advantage in the much-quoted globalized world.
Here are some examples of the meandering careers of people I know:
an ENXP: teacher - teacher trainer/ uni lecturer - publisher of his own textbooks
an INTP: model - call centre - boss of her own kindergarten - teaching assistant
an ENTP: officer (?) - teacher - special ed co-ordinator (+inventor of crack-pot business schemes + interested in EVERYTHING)
my own humble self: studied to be a teacher of English and Geography in Germany, major linguistics geek with several professors begging me to take a PhD - trained to be a teacher of German and Spanish in England (without knowing any Spanish when I started) - teaching assistant working with special needs kids (Spanish first, then English as an Additional Language, Year 12 science/maths, "real world"-related study program for kids who can't take mainstream exams)
even my poor routine-loving ISTJ husband: studied political science - worked at a cinema - worked at a cafe - is working at a loss adjuster's now

Some people who have always done the same thing are happy with it, but many of them are majorly bored and unhappy. PLUS, they are trapped in their job and totally dependent on the moods of their employers because they haven't got anywhere else to go.


----------

