# Frustrated - Misuse of the MBTI



## Nickel (Apr 7, 2010)

I thought you guys might be able to help me with this. Bleh.

So. My mom is an ENFP, she's the one who taught me about the Myers-Briggs many years ago. She's a "iNtuitive-types are superior" kind of person, and she's completely convinced I'm an N and won't listen to reason. Basically her entire logic behind my being an N is "You don't 'seem' like an S," and "You're interesting to talk to." 

I've been saying I'm a Sensor for almost three years now, every one of my friends agree that the ESTP description(s) are perfectly spot on for me and that the individual letters and cognitive functions are also correct. I don't doubt for a second that I'm an ESTP. But my mom in her unrealistic and stereotyping ways says I can't be one since I'm not "a meat-headed jock." 

Honestly, I wouldn't care but to have my mom being so delusional and convinced that I'm something I'm not (and even stereotyping against _my own type_) is frustrating. Especially because she's still in charge of a lot of things for me and makes decisions FOR me, based on someone I'm not.

Any advice/experience with this?


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

Maybe let her think what she wants? She obviously doesn't understand MBTI, so what difference would it make...

Just be glad you're not an introvert. ENFPs can really steamroll over an introvert's identity.

I love your ESTP-style signature.


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## Nickel (Apr 7, 2010)

FluffyCloud said:


> Maybe let her think what she wants? She obviously doesn't understand MBTI, so what difference would it make...


It bothers me because I could tell her I want to be a dentist and she'd say "But you don't pay attention to details and hate working with your hands. I know you'd prefer to do something that requires a lot of critical thinking, creativity and analysis." She doesn't listen to my actual wants and needs, she'd rather create them for me based on her perception of me. This includes making life decisions for me. Again, I wouldn't care at all if it were anyone else.



FluffyCloud said:


> Just be glad you're not an introvert. ENFPs can really steamroll over an introvert's identity.


So true... xD



FluffyCloud said:


> I love your ESTP-style signature.


Thank you.  I quite like it myself.


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## themartyparade (Nov 7, 2010)

Try using the same tactic on her?

"But mom, you can't be an iNtuitive, you're actually working with your hands!"
or "Mom, you can't hang up this portrait. You're an iNtuitive, you don't know how to pay attention to detail."


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

Rapunzel said:


> It bothers me because I could tell her I want to be a dentist and she'd say "But you don't pay attention to details and hate working with your hands. I know you'd prefer to do something that requires a lot of critical thinking, creativity and analysis." She doesn't listen to my actual wants and needs, she'd rather create them for me based on her perception of me. This includes making life decisions for me. Again, I wouldn't care at all if it were anyone else.


Ouch, I see what you mean now. That's definitely a problem, if she has the potential to stand in the way of your goals. Well, you have to work within the constraints of whatever life throws at you... if you really want to be a dentist, you might have to struggle a bit harder than someone else who has full parental support. 

But I'm sure your Mom will come round. If you need her support and approval then you have to work on convincing her. She has to come to terms with the fact that she gave birth to a sensor. In other words you have to help her get over this silly prejudice. It's like when a mother finds out her child is gay or whatever... once she gets over the initial shock, she eventually finds a way to deal with it. She has to!


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## dalsgaard (Aug 14, 2010)

I don't understand her attitude, but to be honest I don't understand yours either. Why is all of this important? It's irritating if people misjudge who we are - but that happens all the time. Parents especially are almost incapable of changing how they see their children. She probably got stuck on that definition years ago and still has it because she can't distinguish perception from reality. Parents don't want to see their children change, so in many ways they still perceive them as being the same as they were in childhood - or how they think you were in childhood. I think it's better to accept this judgement than try to change it, or you will be seeking approval forever.


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## U-80 (Mar 12, 2010)

dalsgaard said:


> I don't understand her attitude, but to be honest I don't understand yours either. Why is all of this important? It's irritating if people misjudge who we are - but that happens all the time. [...] I think it's better to accept this judgement than try to change it, or you will be seeking approval forever.


I think it's because there are practical issues involved. She needs support from her parents in order to pursue her chosen career. Dentist school is not cheap.

(at least that's how I understood it)


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## dalsgaard (Aug 14, 2010)

FluffyCloud said:


> I think it's because there are practical issues involved. She needs support from her parents in order to pursue her chosen career. Dentist school is not cheap.
> 
> (at least that's how I understood it)


I can see why that would complicate it. If that is the case then extortion may be the only option. She ought to simply refuse to do what her mother tells her to. Perhaps the mother has to be informed that she shouldn't base important decisions on a rather vague personality test that is far from scientifically proven, and have a friend of the family tell the mother that it's very doubtful that this is what Jung and Myers Briggs intended with a tool that is essentially designed to 'ease communication'.


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## themartyparade (Nov 7, 2010)

dalsgaard said:


> I can see why that would complicate it. If that is the case then extortion may be the only option. She ought to simply refuse to do what her mother tells her to. Perhaps the mother has to be informed that she shouldn't base important decisions on a rather vague personality test that is far from scientifically proven, and have a friend of the family tell the mother that it's very doubtful that this is what Jung and Myers Briggs intended with a tool that is essentially designed to 'ease communication'.


Judging from the OP, I don't think her mother is the type to listen. She might even know that she's biased and uneducated but refuses to admit it. However, I do agree with going against the mother, although that might not be the easiest thing in the world.

Btw @FluffyCloud, I'm pretty sure the dentist part was only an example.


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## devoid (Jan 3, 2011)

I still haven't managed to convince my mother that I'm not a delinquent or a prostitute. There are some things you just have to ignore; parents will see whatever the hell they want to see.


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## Nickel (Apr 7, 2010)

I'll probably change her mind the way I do everything else - by doing. In due time she'll figure it out, and if not then I need to do what I want to do anyway. In retrospect, it's not such a big deal, just a hurdle.

Thank you all for the help and advice. I appreciate it.


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