# Male 8 dating a Female 6! It's a match made in heaven!



## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Dear Personality Cafe

I signed up because I have found someone that I thought was impossible to find. It was her who introduced me to "the Enneagram". It was her who contacted me. And it was her who told me we are a perfect match. It was something that I thought was impossible, how could anyone willingly submit to anyone else's will? _I_ surely will not do any such thing. Besides, I have been called a "sexist pig" countless times. Surely, woman are repelled by my "philosophies". Sure, I _need _to dominate in a relationship (both in and out of bed). Sure, my woman better clean the dishes. Am I _wrong_ in wanting those things? The desire/lust is strong in me, and I need a woman who will submit to me.

"The Enneagram" has changed my life. I have only started to read about it. But it put into words what I have struggled to explain for years. Why the desire for domination? Normal people see woman not as subjects but as equals. Why am I so different?

-------------------

When she contacted me. She was scared to admitting what she want, she was scared to admit why she came to me. But I knew from the beginning that was she wanted it - she _liked _it! She just didn't trust me enough yet to admit it. I almost couldn't believe it. So willing to accept, yet full of fear and doubt. It is so... cute. _What if he is a monster? What will he DO to me? _ Yet, she stayed. Of course she did. She liked it. Just as _I _liked it.

There is a cup of tea for everyone, yes? Even if the tea is strong and black. Even if it's not to everyone's taste (heck, it's probably not to most people's taste).

When she finally trusted me, we were in love. We were perfect for each other. Me, the self-serving, decision-making, leader. And her, the forever-loyal, always concerned, follower. It is a match made in heaven. I have finally found what I have searched for my entire life, I have found my sole-mate.


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## AphroditeGoneAwry (Jan 10, 2012)

Can I have a side of cod with that? :laughing:



very fried and slathered in tartar sauce, of course.


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Sorry I am not familiar with your example. Can you explain what cod and tartar sauce mean?


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

I'm not gonna lie, I'm concerned with your approach.


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Well, as I said, its not everyone's cup of tea. But the whole point is to find someone who like it right?


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

Spades said:


> I'm not gonna lie, I'm concerned with your approach.




Same.
I wonder what the 6's here have to say about this. 
I never thought of 6's as "submissive", necessarily.


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## staticmud (Jun 28, 2012)

Navi said:


> Same.
> I wonder what the 6's here have to say about this.
> I never thought of 6's as "submissive", necessarily.


This is exactly what I was about to say. Can we get a six in here?


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## mushr00m (May 23, 2011)

Im not quite sure about submissive, I always try to aim for balance and fairness in my relationships, I just couldn't exist in a power imbalanced relationship, id lose my sanity, I know that :frustrating: Those relationships never last long.



> But it put into words what I have struggled to explain for years. Why the desire for domination? Normal people see woman not as subjects but as equals. Why am I so different?


This is what I don't get, the reason for using typing tools etc and to use them to justify one's weaknesses to(in your case) dominate others from what you are saying. Good luck for your relationship though there is more to maintaining a relationship than just enneagram types, she is still a person who deserves respect. Anyway, good luck.


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## The Nth Doctor (May 18, 2012)

staticmud said:


> This is exactly what I was about to say. Can we get a six in here?


Most sixes are probably not submissive. 
I'm cautious in social interactions and perhaps overly concerned that I could hurt someone without meaning to, but I'm not submissive at all. The thing is the situation needs to be figured out. If I've figured it out and I'm relatively certain that someone has bad intentions I won't cooperate at all, but ambiguity calls for carefulness. The easiest and most efficient way to avoid hurting people is to try to get along and avoid them as much as is possible - which could easily be mistaken for submissiveness in some people. (Probably only the other introverted thinker sixes will agree with that last sentence. xD)

I certainly can't stand sexism or any kind of irrational generalizations about inferiority or superiority based on demographic. I also fail to see how a relationship with a power difference like that could be healthy in any way. Looking at E6's and E8's, it doesn't seem like that could make it any more normal or healthy to not treat a person like a person.


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## stephiphi (Mar 30, 2012)

yongke said:


> Sorry I am not familiar with your example. Can you explain what cod and tartar sauce mean?


She was making a joke based on your misspelling of the word "soulmate" as "sole-mate". You see, sole is a type of fish. Cod is another type of fish and tartar sauce is a condiment popularly paired with seafood.

As for the rest of your post, I agree with what has been said.


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## Inguz (Mar 10, 2012)

Navi said:


> Same.
> I wonder what the 6's here have to say about this.
> I never thought of 6's as "submissive", necessarily.


His 6 may be submissive, I don't know. Being an ISFP may influence this, but I can't stand being "dominated", I would probably be one of those guys that OP would be immensely annoyed about as such force just makes me want to refuse giving in, such attempts just makes me rebellious. And my way of approaching it would probably be to gain sympathy in order to make him without support as a way to disarm him. I can't willingly submit, it would be equal to just give up on life and say "please kill me". I'm learning to give trust though, but it's still very much work in progress.


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## sleeper (Aug 26, 2010)

I highly doubt this is real. OP sounds troll-ish and suspect. It's a match made in heaven? then... The Enneagram has changed my life? No one talks like that unless they're trying to sell something. If anything this sounds like the person who got banned a month or so ago that was making threads and posts in the 4 forum about appreciating subservient women.


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## Spades (Aug 31, 2011)

yongke said:


> Well, as I said, its not everyone's cup of tea. But the whole point is to find someone who like it right?





yongke said:


> Sure, I _need _to dominate in a relationship (both in and out of bed). Sure, my woman better clean the dishes. Am I _wrong_ in wanting those things? The desire/lust is strong in me, and I need a woman who will submit to me.
> 
> * Normal people see woman not as subjects but as equals. Why am I so different?*


I was more referring to the misogyny. This has nothing to do with Enneagram, sir.

Hopefully she _does_ like it as you claim.


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

The Nth Doctor said:


> Most sixes are probably not submissive.
> I'm cautious in social interactions and perhaps overly concerned that I could hurt someone without meaning to, but I'm not submissive at all. The thing is the situation needs to be figured out. If I've figured it out and I'm relatively certain that someone has bad intentions I won't cooperate at all, but ambiguity calls for carefulness. The easiest and most efficient way to avoid hurting people is to try to get along and avoid them as much as is possible - which could easily be mistaken for submissiveness in some people. (Probably only the other introverted thinker sixes will agree with that last sentence. xD)
> 
> I certainly can't stand sexism or any kind of irrational generalizations about inferiority or superiority based on demographic. I also fail to see how a relationship with a power difference like that could be healthy in any way. Looking at E6's and E8's, it doesn't seem like that could make it any more normal or healthy to not treat a person like a person.





sleeper said:


> I highly doubt this is real. OP sounds troll-ish and suspect. It's a match made in heaven? then... The Enneagram has changed my life? No one talks like that unless they're trying to sell something. If anything this sounds like the person who got banned a month or so ago that was making threads and posts in the 4 forum about appreciating subservient women.



Yeah. Honestly, either OP is unhealthy or trolling.
A healthy, confident 8/6 (or any enneatype) does not really look to be "dominant" or "submissive" in a relationship. Being a supposed enneatype 8 does not mean you are a male chauvinist, nor does it justify it.


And I'm not meaning to sound like a prude. I'm talking about _relationships_, not the bedroom. I really couldn't give a flying fuck about what you do in bed.



But as @mushr00m said, 




mushr00m said:


> Im not quite sure about submissive, I always try to aim for balance and fairness in my relationships, I just couldn't exist in a power imbalanced relationship, id lose my sanity, I know that :frustrating: Those relationships never last long.
> 
> 
> 
> *This is what I don't get, the reason for using typing tools etc and to use them to justify one's weaknesses to(in your case) dominate others from what you are saying. Good luck for your relationship though there is more to maintaining a relationship than just enneagram types, she is still a person who deserves respect. Anyway, good luck.*


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Well, certainly not trolling. Maybe a little too... "excited"? In anycase, I totally thought you guys would support different personalities on this forum more. I am kind of disappointed. 

In anycase, I thought we could maturely discuss this topic intellectually, instead of name calling. I have had enough name calling before, and I certainly don't need any more of it now. Nor do I think I should change, I am not "unhealthy", or "wrong", or whatever social norm that I don't fit in. I am just... me. It is not everyone's tea, most people would be put off by it. Which is why I so appreciate finding HER. And that is totally fine. I don't have a problem if you don't like it. SOME people do like it. I don't like it that you try to _correct _me. 

I was overjoyed finding HER who fit me very well and would like the relationship to be a success. Which was why I posted on here - to get relationship advice that fit my circumstances. I don't want to be judged. I was hoping to find other 6 or 8 who have had similar desires that were happy with their pairing and would share their experience.

*TLDR: Please discuss the particular pairing of a dominant male 8 with a submissive female 6, instead of trying to give me therapy.*


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

yongke said:


> Well, certainly not trolling. Maybe a little too... "excited"? In anycase, I totally thought you guys would support different personalities on this forum more. I am kind of disappointed.
> 
> In anycase, I thought we could maturely discuss this topic intellectually, instead of name calling. I have had enough name calling before, and I certainly don't need any more of it now. Nor do I think I should change, I am not "unhealthy", or "wrong", or whatever social norm that I don't fit in. I am just... me. It is not everyone's tea, most people would be put off by it. Which is why I so appreciate finding HER. And that is totally fine. I don't have a problem if you don't like it. SOME people do like it. I don't like it that you try to _correct _me.
> 
> ...


Yes i see you're being judged here. Sometimes when people don't understand the point of things they automatically assume trolling. I'm a 6 married to a 5, so i can't help you in that regard. I do like 8's thou, i mean real 8's. Finding one around here is like looking for a needle in a haystack. We have some that are the real deal, those peeps are interesting  Personally i think i could get along well with an 8 in an romantic setting. So let me ask you this, what is it about this paring that is so exciting for you ? Maybe that might bring 6 and 8 by to comment.

Let us know what you think the strengths and weakness are of this paring ?


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Yes i see you're being judged here. Sometimes when people don't understand the point of things they automatically assume trolling. I'm a 6 married to a 5, so i can't help you in that regard. I do like 8's thou, i mean real 8's. Finding one around here is like looking for a needle in a haystack. We have some that are the real deal, those peeps are interesting  Personally i think i could get along well with an 8 in an romantic setting. So let me ask you this, what is it about this paring that is so exciting for you ? Maybe that might bring 6 and 8 by to comment.
> 
> Let us know what you think the strengths and weakness are of this paring ?


Thank you. Finally some actual discussion. 

A dominant 8 and a submissive 6 is in my opinion a perfect match because they are at their "natural" state. There is no need to "force" anything. Both side willing fit into their mold perfect and without problem. I enjoy telling her what to do as much as she enjoy taking orders from me. This make the relationship perfect.

Also I want to make it perfectly clear a few things here:



I am definitely NOT misogyny. I love woman. I love them both in and out of bed. And they can make babies. I take care of my woman way better than most men I would say, because she have (or should I say will) give me everything, her will and her body. So I both appreciate and will make sure no harm come to her.



I am definitely NOT _forcing _her anything. I want to make this perfectly clear this isn't some rapist's fantasy. We both do this because we both love it. I love being in charge as much as she love being controlled. Part of the reason why I think the Enneagram is relevant, we kind are both playing our respective role as 8 and 6 perfectly - I am leading her and she is following me. What is the problem here?



Also. She came on to me. I didn't manipulate her into her role or anything. And she did it in such a cute way. Haha. In perfect #6 fashion. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea, so she started with "I am not sure why I contacted you". Haha, it was so cute.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

yongke said:


> Thank you. Finally some actual discussion.
> 
> A dominant 8 and a submissive 6 is in my opinion a perfect match because they are at their "natural" state. There is no need to "force" anything. Both side willing fit into their mold perfect and without problem. I enjoy telling her what to do as much as she enjoy taking orders from me. This make the relationship perfect.
> 
> ...


Well from what you wrote here i see lots of problems. First you are assuming that a 6 likes to be controlled, as a cp6 i hate control. I do enjoy assertiveness in an 8, although assertive and dominant are two different things. I wouldn't put up with a man who told me what to do, i wouldn't take orders either, and if i saw a pattern of this dominance as controlling, i would run for the hills. I think you are confusing anxiety with weakness, this isn't true. Personally i'm not a follower, nor am i a leader. I don't follow people blindly because they want to be in control, for me it's a major turn off , i would have huge issues with it. From reading your post i see lots of generalizations about what a 6 looks like. This may be true for the 6 in your life, although i think you will be surprised how many 6 here won't agree with your stance , because 6's don't fit the mold of the relationship you're describing. Sounds like maybe your 6 is insecure, she loves being controlled. That isn't an ENNG thing , this is who she is as a person.


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Well from what you wrote here i see lots of problems. First you are assuming that a 6 likes to be controlled, as a cp6 i hate control. I do enjoy assertiveness in an 8, although assertive and dominant are two different things. I wouldn't put up with a man who told me what to do, i wouldn't take orders either, and if i saw a pattern of this dominance as controlling, i would run for the hills. I think you are confusing anxiety with weakness, this isn't true. Personally i'm not a follower, nor am i a leader. I don't follow people blindly because they want to be in control, for me it's a major turn off , i would have huge issues with it. From reading your post i see lots of generalizations about what a 6 looks like. This may be true for the 6 in your life, although i think you will be surprised how many 6 here won't agree with your stance , because 6's don't fit the mold of the relationship you're describing. Sounds like maybe your 6 is insecure, she loves being controlled. That isn't an ENNG thing , this is who she is as a person.


You know. You are right. I did not think that 6 might not like it and it's just maybe just MY 6 likes it. As I said, I only just started to read about this whole Enneagram thing. But the name sure is tempting though. "The Loyalist"


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

yongke said:


> You know. You are right. I did not think that 6 might not like it and it's just maybe just MY 6 likes it. As I said, I only just started to read about this whole Enneagram thing. But the name sure is tempting though. "The Loyalist"


I think the Loyalist is more about me, than others. I'm loyal to my own beliefs. Although i am loyal to my partner, that isn't to be confused with wanting control, or being submissive. When i think of that role it makes me think i'm giving up my own intelligence, i don't have a mind of my own so therefore i can't think for myself. I prize in the fact i can make my own decisions, i don't need a man to do any thinking for me. 

The description of a 6 according to the ENNG is very negative in terms of what it really means to be a 6. It's as if not much thought was put into it. For this reason not many people are willing to step up and admit they are a 6. For me i don't let those negative things frighten me or discourage me from who i am at my core. If you don't mind me asking, what is your MBTI type ? and what is your ladies type ?

You may want to have a look at this thread to get a better view of what a 6 looks like. I think you will be quite surprised with your perceptions..hehe

http://personalitycafe.com/type-8-f...traits-not-present-cp-6s-165.html#post2872011


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

I'm not sure how others would react to this, but I strive for equality and fairness in my relationships. I'm CP 6 so the only thing that will happen when someone tries to dominate me is rebellion, namely my rebellion and it will be a bloody one. I REFUSE to be controlled, I refuse to submit. Anyone going for it will just have to contend with me chopping their sanity to bits....I will also do this with pleasure. I enjoy opposing authority, challenging, rebelling, questioning, debates where i hammer people with logic...ohhh yeahhh!

World revolution for example makes me quake with excitement.....I don't know why thou. :wink: (this is actually true and I really don't know why)

<.< here this sums up how I think:


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Rim said:


> I'm not sure how others would react to this, but I strive for equality and fairness in my relationships. I'm CP 6 so the only thing that will happen when someone tries to dominate me is rebellion, namely my rebellion and it will be a bloody one. I REFUSE to be controlled, I refuse to submit. Anyone going for it will just have to contend with me chopping their sanity to bits....I will also do this with pleasure. I enjoy opposing authority, challenging, rebelling, questioning, debates where i hammer people with logic...ohhh yeahhh!
> 
> World revolution for example makes me quake with excitement.....I don't know why thou. :wink: (this is actually true and I really don't know why)


OMG, this is like so reverse of what I thought a 6 is _suppose _to do. Like, I thought 6 is suppose to appreciate authority and the status quo, etc. I guess the logical question I would ask is, what make you a 6? I mean what commonality is there between the different sub-categories of 6?


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> I think the Loyalist is more about me, than others. I'm loyal to my own beliefs. Although i am loyal to my partner, that isn't to be confused with wanting control, or being submissive. When i think of that role it makes me think i'm giving up my own intelligence, i don't have a mind of my own so therefore i can't think for myself. I prize in the fact i can make my own decisions, i don't need a man to do any thinking for me.
> 
> The description of a 6 according to the ENNG is very negative in terms of what it really means to be a 6. It's as if not much thought was put into it. For this reason not many people are willing to step up and admit they are a 6. For me i don't let those negative things frighten me or discourage me from who i am at my core. If you don't mind me asking, what is your MBTI type ? and what is your ladies type ?
> 
> You may want to have a look at this thread to get a better view of what a 6 looks like. I think you will be quite surprised with your perceptions..hehe



I must say, the link you provided was really scary for me. 6 can also be power hungry? 6 also want control? 6 is aggressive at their worst? That is just so reverse of my experience with my girl that I can't believe it.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

@Boss, i think we need you here to articulate some of the questions being asked from the OP. There seems to be some confusion with the OP and his perceptions of what a 6 looks like  There also seems to be confusion with what an 8 would look like also if i'm understanding the correct picture of an 8. I'm pretty sure he isn't trolling, although has a lack of understanding.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

My mom is a 126. She _hates_ being controlled, and is quite notorious for being the only one standing up against her despotic Type 8 boss. He used to be magnanimous and kind, but now his behavior fits squarely with the unhealthy Type 8s. E6s are definitely _not_ submissive.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

yongke said:


> I must say, the link you provided was really scary for me. 6 can also be power hungry? 6 also want control? 6 is aggressive at their worst? That is just so reverse of my experience with my girl that I can't believe it.


Well not power hungry in the sense of control towards others. Yes, i like to be in control of myself. Aggressive, well for sure i can be that too. I don't think a cp6 place as much trust in other people as other types do, because of this they are in control of themselves and what is right for them, the world and people in it are just to disappointing. I am very independent and in total control of my surroundings, my work and personal life. I don't control my partner in any way shape or form, but i do control what role and responsibilities i play in order to have a healthy relationship.

6 are very hyper alert with danger, so they put that trust in themselves and know when to act and react. Maybe your girl isn't a 6, maybe she is reading the type description all wrong. Like i said they paint a very negative picture of what a real 6 looks like, but when you get to the core of it, 6 are very strong people.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

:laughing: Mucha

Well, I think OP is quite the traditionalist (read: chauvinist) when it comes to relationships. Perhaps, his partner(who might be a phobic 6 or she may not as submissive women who are willing to become doormats could come from a number of types) is alright with a life of servitude in exchange for patronage. That said, most 6s tend to be fiercely independent and highly opposed to being shoved around or being placed under someone's thumb, and they are neither interested in being submissive loyal lapdogs nor in being pretentious 'rebels'. Most 6s (like other types) are self-respecting people with backbones who will neither put up with bullshit nor dish it out without cause. 

The relationship dynamics described have everything to do with the OP's ridiculously outdated views on gender and relationships, and little to nothing to do with his wife's type and his own proclaimed type.


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> Well not power hungry in the sense of control towards others. Yes, i like to be in control of myself. Aggressive, well for sure i can be that too. I don't think a cp6 place as much trust in other people as other types do, because of this they are in control of themselves and what is right for them, the world and people in it are just to disappointing. I am very independent and in total control of my surroundings, my work and personal life. I don't control my partner in any way shape or form, but i do control what role and responsibilities i play in order to have a healthy relationship.
> 
> 6 are very hyper alert with danger, so they put that trust in themselves and know when to act and react. Maybe your girl isn't a 6, maybe she is reading the type description all wrong. Like i said they paint a very negative picture of what a real 6 looks like, but when you get to the core of it, 6 are very strong people.


It is possible she got her type wrong. Although from the sound of it, she was pretty dead certain. Is there anyway I can find out?


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Boss said:


> :laughing: Mucha
> 
> Well, I think OP is quite the traditionalist (read: chauvinist) when it comes to relationships. Perhaps, his 6 (I am assuming she is a phobic 6, though submissive women who are willing to become doormats could come from a number of types) is alright with a life of servitude in exchange for patronage. That said, most 6s tend to be fiercely independent and highly opposed to being shoved around or being placed under someone's thumb, and they are neither interested in being submissive loyal lapdogs nor in being pretentious 'rebels'. Most 6s (like other types) are self-respecting people with backbones who will neither put up with bullshit nor dish it out without cause.
> 
> The relationship dynamics described have everything to do with the OP's ridiculously outdated outlook on gender and relationships, and little to nothing to do with his wife's type and his own proclaimed type.


She is my gf, not wife (not yet). What type would describe her? If any?


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

yongke said:


> She is my gf, not wife (not yet). What type would describe her? If any?


Some things go beyond enneagram types. It's possible she's a 6. You'll find people of any type who are submissive.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

yongke said:


> It is possible she got her type wrong. Although from the sound of it, she was pretty dead certain. Is there anyway I can find out?


Yes it's possible she got her type wrong, its also possible she is typed correctly. I think her submissive ways are more about who she is as an individual honestly, because type 6 doesn't describe this kind of behaviour. How can you find out ? Well i don't want to sound rude here, but personally i think submissive relationships are unhealthy. So if she isn't healthy, it won't be easy to translate who she is at the core. I'm not convinced you're an 8 either, because 8's are confident in their decisions without having to treat people like doormates. Confidence doesn't equal domineering.


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## Sina (Oct 27, 2010)

Unhealthy 8s could behave like 'tyrants' looking for a loyal lil follower. Though again, so could an unhealthy 2 or 6. These things are very difficult to correlate with specific types, and such correlations are pointless anyway. Relationships are very complex


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

Boss said:


> :laughing: Mucha
> 
> Well, I think OP is quite the traditionalist (read: chauvinist) when it comes to relationships. Perhaps, his partner(who might be a phobic 6 or she may not as submissive women who are willing to become doormats could come from a number of types) is alright with a life of servitude in exchange for patronage. That said, most 6s tend to be fiercely independent and highly opposed to being shoved around or being placed under someone's thumb, and they are neither interested in being submissive loyal lapdogs nor in being pretentious 'rebels'. Most 6s (like other types) are self-respecting people with backbones who will neither put up with bullshit nor dish it out without cause.
> 
> The relationship dynamics described have everything to do with the OP's ridiculously outdated views on gender and relationships, and little to nothing to do with his wife's type and his own proclaimed type.








MuChApArAdOx said:


> Yes it's possible she got her type wrong, its also possible she is typed correctly. I think her submissive ways are more about who she is as an individual honestly, because type 6 doesn't describe this kind of behaviour. How can you find out ? Well i don't want to sound rude here, but personally i think submissive relationships are unhealthy. So if she isn't healthy, it won't be easy to translate who she is at the core. I'm not convinced you're an 8 either, because 8's are confident in their decisions without having to treat people like doormates. Confidence doesn't equal domineering.



This is essentially what I was trying to say. Though I have a habit of being rather too blunt, so excuse me. 


I was not judging anyone or name-calling. Nor do I think the other users were, as PerC attracts trolls here and there. 
They may just be being cautious. 




I understand the point of things and I did not automatically assume that he was trolling, but, like you just stated, this does not sound very healthy. And the trolling thing was concluded as PerC trolls have done things like this before. Again, some were just being cautious. 
@Boss always has good insights though, so thank you for bringing her here. roud:


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Well, this conversation really didn't turn out how I expected. At least it was an interesting intellectual discussion. I don't think I will tell her about this because it might ruin our current status quo. I would rather keep our relationship exactly as how it is. It's perfect. Even if it's just a "bubble" or just a "dream", well, it sure is some pleasant. And I would keep it for as long as possible, maybe for as long as we both live.


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

I mean if we both enjoy it, why not?


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## LibertyPrime (Dec 17, 2010)

yongke said:


> OMG, this is like so reverse of what I thought a 6 is _suppose _to do. Like, I thought 6 is suppose to appreciate authority and the status quo, etc. I guess the logical question I would ask is, what make you a 6? I mean what commonality is there between the different sub-categories of 6?


The need for security, certainty, fear of not having it, of being unsafe in an unstable and insecure world, is what we have in common. I just react differently to fear, while some seek others to protect and guide them, I seek knowledge, strength and rely on my own ability to manage, I'm a skeptic, I doubt and question in order to figure out the truth. If something scares me bad enough I will try to bolster myself against it by finding methods / ways to counter it, before it gets to me or before I end up in a situation where I won't know how to handle myself. I mainly tend to rely on myself.

Don't get me wrong I still follow what my boss says at work and if I see nothing wrong with a leader I will have no problem. I still ask for advice and input on things I'm unsure of, however I never let others have the final say, unless they are correct. Its when things are forced on me, when things get suspicious, when I can't trust authority anymore, is when I turn on authority. I have no problem with my father asking me me to go to grandfather's place to help him with something. I'll have a problem when its a direct order and he is assuming control over me by trying to dominate. I will get assertive and willful, will be in his face telling him to back off and ask nicely or I'll refuse and if he doesn't I'll start sabotaging him, back-talking, tearing down his authority.

Good thing my dad is a 9.

All men are not made equal, its not safe to listen to someone who doesn't have my best interest at heart, worse its a bad idea to listen to someone who isn't more capable, informed and intelligent as I am. Between the two there are very few people in this life who I'd trust enough to surrender my authority to.

I trust myself, I believe in my ability to meet a challenge. By default I listen to myself, my superego conscience. People do get to me, I'm still afraid and all that, but I put up a strong and unified front when facing all of this not despite the fear...but because of it.


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## Navi (Jul 8, 2012)

There is another person here that I would also like to mention that has amazing insight into things like this. 

Miss @Promethea, it would be great to hear your perspective on this. If you want to, of course.


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## Promethea (Aug 24, 2009)

A healthy six has her own will, and doesn't seek someone to subvert her complete being. Any healthy human being in general has their own thoughts, desires, and goals. To surrender because one is afraid is unhealthy for any type. Anxious people who can't stand on their own to make decisions for themselves need to learn to be grounded in themselves -- not to give in and let someone take over for them. Where is the human spirit when you commit psychological-suicide, letting someone just come along and possess you like some demon? 

And healthy 8s realize they don't need to be controlling and predatory.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

yongke said:


> Well, this conversation really didn't turn out how I expected. At least it was an interesting intellectual discussion. I don't think I will tell her about this because it might ruin our current status quo. I would rather keep our relationship exactly as how it is. It's perfect. Even if it's just a "bubble" or just a "dream", well, it sure is some pleasant. And I would keep it for as long as possible, maybe for as long as we both live.


Are you afraid that she might have an _aha_ moment ? Maybe you should show her this, it may change her perspective. If she is playing this role because she's convinced that is part of who she is, i think the education about a 6 would do her good. I see you are making a decision for what you think is right for you, alone, personally, because if you weren't you wouldn't have any issues showing her what you have discovered here today. 

As i 6 i couldn't trust someone like you, there would be so many red flags my anxiety would be out of control, honestly. I would have to fix that by keeping you at a distance. Cp6 is about anxiety, and yet you related it with something else. You may want to ease up on this control and power you want to maintain over this women. Not allowing her to think for herself isn't a quality to be admired, it's actually more cowardly on your behalf. You don't have the confidence to believe that you can have the same relationship without the control. 

It would be interesting to hear her side of this relationship. That will never happen so its not easy keeping it too objective with only hearing your stance.


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## Persephone (Nov 14, 2009)

Promethea said:


> And healthy 8s realize they don't need to be controlling and predatory.


This. I don't say this, OP, to damn you, but it's actually in the Type 8 description. And the despotic boss I mentioned? He was once the epitome of a healthy Type 8. Great attention to detail, generous, helpful and kind. Consider that your need to control may be the expression of a deeper problem.


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

Persephone said:


> This. I don't say this, OP, to damn you, but it's actually in the Type 8 description. And the despotic boss I mentioned? He was once the epitome of a healthy Type 8. Great attention to detail, generous, helpful and kind. Consider that your need to control may be the expression of a deeper problem.


What if I told you that if you asked her to describe me. She would not describe me as despotic, but precisely as "detail, generous, helpful and kind"? Because I can guarantee you that's exactly what she would say. See I don't think you guys understand. She likes it! She like me. She might even love me. I don't control her through force, I control her because I want to and she want to, too.


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## MuChApArAdOx (Jan 24, 2011)

yongke said:


> What if I told you that if you asked her to describe me. She would not describe me as despotic, but precisely as "detail, generous, helpful and kind"? Because I can guarantee you that's exactly what she would say. See I don't think you guys understand. She likes it! She like me. She might even love me. I don't control her through force, I control her because I want to and she want to, too.


but.....what would you say is the question. Would you say you are kind, generous, helpful and detailed ? Are you trying to convince us or you that she likes you, she likes it ? I don't know where this feeling comes from, i sense an urge on your behalf to be loved, wanted and so on. You may not be forcing her physically, although you could be forcing her on a psychologically level. Control can be seen as abuse also, you don't need to be physically hurting her in order to be abusing her, just saying. 

Any man who can confidently say they enjoy controlling people outside of themselves are cowards, they probably have mama issues. I ask myself if you yourself were loved as a child, hum. Any way i don't know you, i can't help you, seek help.


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## yongke (Aug 28, 2012)

MuChApArAdOx said:


> but.....what would you say is the question. Would you say you are kind, generous, helpful and detailed ? Are you trying to convince us or you that she likes you, she likes it ? I don't know where this feeling comes from, i sense an urge on your behalf to be loved, wanted and so on. You may not be forcing her physically, although you could be forcing her on a psychologically level. Control can be seen as abuse also, you don't need to be physically hurting her in order to be abusing her, just saying.
> 
> Any man who can confidently say they enjoy controlling people outside of themselves are cowards, they probably have mama issues. I ask myself if you yourself were loved as a child, hum. Any way i don't know you, i can't help you, seek help.


I disagree, nor would I seek or need help. Good bye.


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## Afruabarkio (May 29, 2011)

Sorry, but that doesn't mean you're the perfect couple. You're just comforting each other deficiencys.


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## Joseph (Jun 20, 2012)

Just remember, beating her doesn't mean you don't love her. You are an 8! It's part of who you are roud:


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## RepairmanMan Man (Jan 21, 2012)

Six reporting in, and um, no. I don't seek to be controlled, ordered around, and dominated--one move like that, and I'd be out the door so fast, and leave such a huge swath of destruction behind me, you'd sorely regret it. All my life, I've had trouble even _seeking_ protection or help--I've always felt it's kind of an insult to me and my own capacities to care for myself. 

I cooperate with my bosses politely at work; I deal equitably with the world's authority figures. I have no issues in terms of these people. But I sure as fuck do not allow anyone to treat me in a downward manner in my personal relationships. If anything, it's the reverse situation.

It was once said of a famous 6:



> He simply could not bear taking orders from people, for he received enough orders from himself


^This is what I'm talking about. I am sure many 6s would agree. 

OP, are you sure she's really a 6? Sometimes people appear one way, but turn out to be another type...this has been my experience with everyone close to me, so it's worth bearing in mind.


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## DomNapoleon (Jan 21, 2012)

So... The enneagram helped you how to dominate her? LOL *roll eyes* 



yongke said:


> OMG, this is like so reverse of what I thought a 6 is _suppose _to do. Like, I thought 6 is suppose to appreciate authority and the status quo, etc. I guess the logical question I would ask is, what make you a 6? I mean what commonality is there between the different sub-categories of 6?


Not all 6s search for authority ... This happens the with phobic ones. CP 6s rebels themselves against authority and not all 6's stay in the same dichotomy for the rest of their lives. They can be unpredictable because of that, so watch out or your dear 6 all follower gf one day will become in a man-eater.


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## frenchie (Jul 7, 2011)

I'd be careful with what you are doing. If she loses control of her own self she may begin to feel awash and lacking in grounding. They say being truly " feminine" and submissive leads to depression which can lead to a myriad of other problems. Happened to my type 8 uncle and he lost half of his finance/private equity money when his submissive wife left him.

A healthy 8 reveals in combining care with domineering. It isn't an either or dichotomy. And this is especially not the writings of 50 shades of grey.


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