# 3w4 or 4w3?



## Telepathis Goosus (Mar 28, 2015)

Well?


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

TelepathicGoose said:


> Hello, I'm not quite sure whether my enneagram type is 3w4 or 4w3,
> 
> I can see both type 3 and type 4 attributes in myself, so all help will be appreciated.


A simple thing to unravel.

When you are in times of stress do you collapse to self sacrifice and a prideful entitlement and what you have done, expressing the need to be needed of the 2(clingy), OR do you become quiet and calm seeking, dissociated and depersonalized, like a 9.

Since the 4 moves to 2 and the 3 moves to 9 it should be very easy to determine your real base.

----

Further, just on the surface, the 3s are well liked (admired and hated) workaholics. They really feel that drive to win and are hyper concerned with how things look to others. The 4 is way more moody in most cases. Their need to be expressive dominates everything. They always seek validation from others, not so much admiration.

A 3 wears the best most trendy clothes. A 4 wears unique clothes to express themselves. The result is that 4s wear their clothes, a 3s clothes wear them.


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## Telepathis Goosus (Mar 28, 2015)

series0 said:


> A simple thing to unravel.
> 
> When you are in times of stress do you collapse to self sacrifice and a prideful entitlement and what you have done, expressing the need to be needed of the 2(clingy), OR do you become quiet and calm seeking, dissociated and depersonalized, like a 9.
> 
> ...


I'm not sure. When in stress, I either try to find as many ways as possible to calm myself down, and try to lower or deny the stress, or I collapse and cry in front of everyone and ask someone to hug me to make myself feel better.

The 4 description sounds quite a bit closer to me. I try to dress uniquely (without standing out too much, I try to not be ridiculous) because if I don't I do not feel like myself. I try to be attractive when doing so, to give off the best impression as well.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

TelepathicGoose said:


> I'm not sure. When in stress, I either try to find as many ways as possible to calm myself down, and try to lower or deny the stress, or I collapse and cry in front of everyone and ask someone to hug me to make myself feel better.
> 
> The 4 description sounds quite a bit closer to me. I try to dress uniquely (without standing out too much, I try to not be ridiculous) because if I don't I do not feel like myself. I try to be attractive when doing so, to give off the best impression as well.


Your disintegration sounds 3ish, not very 4ish. 

Are you admired amid your peers and plucky or moody and a little bit of an outlier?

Remember: Women all have some issues with type 4. They sort-of all WANT to be it. Just like men almost all want to be type 8. So women often FIRST misidentify as 4s and men as 8s when they come upon the enneagram.

Also, your signature line seems to me more 3 than 4 in expression.


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## Telepathis Goosus (Mar 28, 2015)

series0 said:


> Your disintegration sounds 3ish, not very 4ish.
> 
> Are you admired amid your peers and plucky or moody and a little bit of an outlier?
> 
> ...


Ah, I see.

Hmm, I attempt to be well-liked by everyone. I dislike anyone disliking me or thinking anything bad about me. Despite being introverted, I try my best to be social around others in the attempts for them to like me. Even when I have to ask politely for alone time (because it's hard for me to be social for extended periods of time), I feel bad because I'm concerned that they'll dislike me. I'm not "popular", and I don't (and would not desire to ever) conform to the popular kids, but I fit in well enough in the group of kids I know because I want to be liked by them.

That actually makes quite some sense...

Aha, it's actually an inside joke between me and my best friend. But yes, I do occasionally have a bit of a superiority complex that I hate but I deal with nonetheless.


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## series0 (Feb 18, 2013)

TelepathicGoose said:


> Ah, I see.
> 
> Hmm, I attempt to be well-liked by everyone. I dislike anyone disliking me or thinking anything bad about me. Despite being introverted, I try my best to be social around others in the attempts for them to like me. Even when I have to ask politely for alone time (because it's hard for me to be social for extended periods of time), I feel bad because I'm concerned that they'll dislike me. I'm not "popular", and I don't (and would not desire to ever) conform to the popular kids, but I fit in well enough in the group of kids I know because I want to be liked by them.
> 
> ...


Yes, everything you say here is consistent with introverted intimate 3s.


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## Telepathis Goosus (Mar 28, 2015)

series0 said:


> Yes, everything you say here is consistent with introverted intimate 3s.


Ah, I see. Alright, so I believe I'm a 3w4 after all.


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## ElliCat (May 4, 2014)

I think sx can come across as 4-ish too. That need for something deeper. 

You're an Fi type so you're going to want some kind of authenticity anyway, in the form of being true to yourself and how you're feeling. I'm not as knowledgeable about the 3 wing, but I do feel a sexual 4 wouldn't be tied down by something like "not wanting to look ridiculous", especially if they happened to like it. If it crossed their mind at all, they might be more likely to make a point of it - "see, look at how boring and shallow everyone else is!"

Wanting to give an impression of being attractive and giving the best impression sounds more 3-ish too. I guess it's pretty natural to want to give off a good impression when people are so often judged by first impressions, but I would never do that at the cost of not being seen for myself. If people don't like me, well, that's just life. Rejection hurts a bit at first but I get over it. Chances are I was never really interested in them anyway. 

I think you're right as a 3 too. Congrats!


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## Kdiosa (Jun 2, 2016)

I have the same problem with distinguishing the both but it would be more in the middle type than as core type, I feel like my core type is 6w7, then 4w3/3w4 still don't know and then 8or 1 I can see both


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